Wikiquote enwikiquote https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Main_Page MediaWiki 1.45.0-wmf.9 first-letter Media Special Talk User User talk Wikiquote Wikiquote talk File File talk MediaWiki MediaWiki talk Template Template talk Help Help talk Category Category talk Draft Draft talk TimedText TimedText talk Module Module talk 0 47 3779045 3719694 2025-07-15T08:55:33Z Cagliost 3102 /* Napoleon : In His Own Words (1916) */Already quoted accurately above 3779045 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Jacques Louis David - Bonaparte franchissant le Grand Saint-Bernard, 20 mai 1800 - Google Art Project.jpg|thumb|right|The [[Truth|true]] [[character]] of [[man]] ever displays itself in [[great]] events.]] '''[[w:Napoleon I of France|Napoléon Bonaparte]]''' ([[15 August]] [[1769]] – [[5 May]] [[1821]]) was a [[France|French]] military general who rose dramatically up the ranks of the French Army during the [[French Revolution]], becoming the ruler of [[France]] as First Consul of the French Republic (11 November 1799 - 18 May 1804), and then Emperor of the French and King of Italy under the name '''Napoleon I''' (18 May 1804 - 6 April 1814, and again briefly from 20 March - 22 June 1815). He died in exile on the island of [[w:Saint Helena|Saint Helena]]. [[File:Jacques-Louis David 011.jpg|thumb|right|[[All|Everything]] tells me I shall succeed.]] [[File:Pierre-Paul Prud'hon 001.jpg|thumb|right|My waking [[thoughts]] are all of thee...]] [[File:Jacques-Louis David - The Emperor Napoleon in His Study at the Tuileries - Google Art Project 2.jpg|thumb|right|The barbarous [[custom]] of having men beaten who are suspected of having important [[secrets]] to reveal must be abolished.]] [[File:Napoleons retreat from moscow.jpg|thumb|right|From the sublime to the ridiculous is but a step.]] [[File:Ingres, Napoleon on his Imperial throne.jpg|thumb|right|What is a throne? — a bit of wood gilded and covered in velvet... I am the throne.]] [[File:Jean-Louis-Ernest Meissonier-Campagne de France.jpg|thumb|right|France is invaded; I am leaving to take command of my troops, and, with [[God]]'s help and their valor, I hope soon to drive the [[enemy]] beyond the frontier.]] [[File:Baron François Gérard - Joséphine in coronation costume - Google Art Project.jpg|thumb|right|I generally had to give in.]] [[File:DelarocheNapoleon.jpg|thumb|right|I never was truly my own master but was always ruled by circumstances.]] [[File:Rostock Bluecherdenkmal ohne Sockel 2011-02-12.jpg|thumb|right|Ordinary men died, men of iron were taken prisoner: I only brought back with me men of bronze.]] == Quotes == *You [[French people|Frenchmen]], not content with having robbed us of everything we held dear, have also corrupted our character. The actual condition of [[w:Corsica|my country]], and the impossibility of changing it, is another reason for escaping from an earth, where I am obliged to praise men from a sense of [[duty]], whom I must hate from a sense of virtue. When I arrive in my fatherland, what attitude am I to hold—what language am I to use? A good patriot ought to die when his fatherland has ceased to exist. If the deliverance of my fellow-countrymen depended upon the death of a single man, I would go immediately and plunge the sword which would avenge my country and its violated laws into the breast of tyrants. **'On Suicide' (May 1786), quoted in Oscar Browning, ''The Boyhood and Youth of Napoleon: Some Chapters on the Life of Bonaparte, 1769–1793'' (1906), p. 284 * '''Send me 300 francs; that sum will enable me to go to [[Paris]]. There, at least, one can cut a figure and surmount obstacles. Everything tells me I shall succeed. Will you prevent me from doing so for the want of 100 crowns?''' ** Letter to his uncle, [[w:Joseph Fesch|Joseph Fesch]] (June 1791), as quoted in ''A Selection from the Letters and Despatches of the First Napoleon. With Explanatory Notes'' (1884) edited by D. A. Bingham, Vol. I, p. 24 *Hand weapons were the main weapons of the ancients; it is with his short sword that the legionary conquered the world. It is with the Macedonian lance that [[Alexander the Great|Alexander]] conquered Asia. **Precis des Guerres Cesar Das Napoleon I * '''My waking [[thoughts]] are all of thee.''' Your portrait and the remembrance of last night's delirium have robbed my senses of repose. Sweet and incomparable Josephine, what an extraordinary influence you have over my heart. Are you vexed? Do I see you sad? Are you ill at ease? My soul is broken with grief, and there is no rest for your lover. ** Letter to [[w:Joséphine de Beauharnais|Joséphine de Beauharnais]] (February 1796), as translated in ''Napoleon's Letters to Josephine 1796-1812'' (1901) edited by Henry Foljambe Hall * '''[[All]] [[great]] events hang by a hair. The man of [[ability]] takes advantage of everything and neglects nothing that can give him a [[chance]] of [[success]]; whilst the less able man sometimes loses everything by neglecting a single one of those chances.''' ** Letter to Minister of Foreign Affairs, Passariano (26 September 1797), as quoted in ''Napoleon as a General'' (1902) by Maximilian Yorck von Wartenburg, p. 269 * '''From the heights of these [[pyramids]], forty centuries look down on us.''' ** Speech to his troops in Egypt (21 July 1798) Variant translation: "Soldiers, from the summit of yonder pyramids forty centuries look down upon you...". Published in the autobiography of French general [[w:Eugène de Beauharnais|Eugène de Beauharnais]]. * '''What I have done up to this is nothing. I am only at the beginning of the course I must run.''' Do you imagine that I triumph in [[Italy]] in order to aggrandise the pack of lawyers who form the Directory, and men like [[Lazare Carnot|Carnot]] and [[w:Paul François Jean Nicolas, vicomte de Barras|Barras]]? What an idea! ** As quoted in ''Memoirs of Count Miot de Melito'' (1788 - 1815) as translated by Frances Cashel Hoey and John Lillie (1881), Vol. II, p. 94 * '''I do not care to play the part of [[George Monck, 1st Duke of Albemarle|Monk]]; I will not play it myself, and I do not choose that others shall do so.''' But those Paris lawyers who have got into the Directory understand nothing of government. They are poor creatures. I am going to see what they want to do at Rastadt; but I doubt much that we shall understand each other, or long agree together. They are jealous of me, I know, and notwithstanding all their flattery, I am not their dupe; they fear more than they love me. They were in a great hurry to make me General of the army of [[England]], so that they might get me out of Italy, where I am the master, and am more of a sovereign than commander of an army. They will see how things go on when I am not there. I am leaving [[w:Louis Alexandre Berthier|Berthier]], but he is not fit for the chief command, and, I predict, will only make blunders. As for myself, my dear Miot, I may inform you, I can no longer obey; I have tasted command, and I cannot give it up. I have made up my mind, if I cannot be master I shall leave France; I do not choose to have done so much for her and then hand her over to lawyers. ** Conversation at Turin, as quoted in ''Memoirs of Count Miot de Melito'' (1788 - 1815) as translated by Frances Cashel Hoey and John Lillie (1881), Vol. II, p. 113 ** 'Monk' refers to [[w:George_Monck,_1st_Duke_of_Albemarle|George Monck]], military ruler of [[Puritanism|Puritan]] [[England]] after [[Oliver Cromwell|Cromwell]], who ultimately gave up power when he invited [[Charles II of England|Charles II]] in and enabled the [[w:English Restoration|English Restoration]] * I hope the [[time]] is not far off when I shall be able to unite all the wise and educated men of all the countries and establish a uniform regime based on the principles of the ''[[Quran]]'' which alone are true and which alone can lead men to [[happiness]]. ** Letter to Sheikh El-Messiri (28 August 1798); published in ''Correspondance Napoleon'' edited by Henri Plon (1861), Vol.4, No. 3148, p. 420 *The sanhedrin is at least useful to me.* * '''The barbarous custom of having men beaten who are suspected of having important [[secrets]] to reveal must be abolished. It has always been recognized that this way of interrogating men, by putting them to [[torture]], produces nothing worthwhile. The poor wretches say anything that comes into their [[mind]] and what they think the interrogator wishes to know.''' ** On the subject of torture, in a letter to [[w:Louis Alexandre Berthier|Louis Alexandre Berthier]] (11 November 1798), published in ''Correspendance Napoleon'' edited by Henri Plon (1861), Vol. V, No. 3605, p. 128 *Even in the midst of war I have never neglected the establishment of useful institutions and the promotion of peace and order at home. There still remains much to be done, and I certainly shall never rest from my labours. But is not military success still more necessary to dazzle or to content our people? Remember that a First Consul bears no resemblance to those [[King|Kings]] by the grace of God who look on their countries as their inherited property. Their authority is supported by [[Antiquity|ancient]] tradition. With us ancient tradition has fallen into contempt, and carries less than no weight. The French Government of to-day bears no sort of resemblance to that of the countries which surround us. Hated by its neighbours, obliged to deal at home with large classes of enemies, we have need to impose on our friends and foes by deeds of glory gained only by war. **Remarks to [[w:Antoine Claire Thibaudeau|Antoine Claire Thibaudeau]] during the [[w:Treaty of Amiens|Peace of Amiens]] (1802), quoted in Antoine Claire Thibaudeau, ''Bonaparte and the Consulate'', translated and edited by G. K. Fortescue (1908), pp. 119-120 * '''A form of [[government]] that is not the result of a long sequence of shared experiences, efforts, and endeavors can never take root.''' ** Statement (1803) as quoted in ''The Mind of Napoleon'' (1955) by J. Christopher Herold *Anarchy is the stepping stone to absolute power. **Napoleon Bonaparte, ''Napoleon's War Maxims: With His Social and Political Thoughts'' (1804-15), Gale & Polden, (1899) p. 148 *[[Commerce]] unites men and make them; therefore it is fatal to despotic power. **Napoleon Bonaparte, ''Napoleon's War Maxims: With His Social and Political Thoughts'' (1804-15), Gale & Polden, (1899) p. 150 * For my part, it is not the mystery of the incarnation which I discover in religion, but the mystery of social order, which associates with heaven that idea of equality which prevents the rich from destroying the poor. [Incorrect translation, should be ''prevents the rich from being massacred by the poor.''] Religion is indeed a kind of vaccine innoculation, which, by satisfying our natural love for the marvellous, keeps us out of the hands of charlatans and conjurors. The priests are better than the Cagliostros, the Kants, and all the visionaries of Germany. **Napoleon in council, or, The opinions delivered by Bonaparte in the Council of state. Translated by Capt. Basil Hall. [https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/pt?id=hvd.hwkzmn&seq=278&q1=innoculation p. 258]. Quoted in Andrew Roberts: ''Napoleon: A Life'' ** ''Quant à moi, je ne vois pas dans la religion le mystère de l'incarnation, mais le mystère de l'ordre social; elle rattache au ciel une idée d'égalité qui empêche que le riche ne soit massacré par le pauvre. La religion est encore une sorte d'inoculation ou de vaccine qui, en satisfaisant notre amour du merveilleux, nous garantit des charlatans et des sorciers: les prêtres valent mieux que les Cagliostro, les Kant et tous les rêveurs d'Allemagne.'' *** Statement, March 4, 1806, as reported in ''Opinions de Napoléon sur divers sujets de politique et d'administration, recueillies par un membre de son conseil d'état'' as recalled by Baron [[w:Joseph Pelet de la Lozère|Joseph Pelet de la Lozère]] (1833), [https://gallica.bnf.fr/ark:/12148/bpt6k96493110/f231.image.r=Innoculation p. 223] *My intention is that the main village where the [[insurrection]] started shall be burnt, and that thirty of the ringleaders shall be shot; an impressive example is needed to contain the hatred of the [[Peasant|peasantry]] and of that [[Soldiers|soldiery]]. If you have not yet made an example, let there be one without delay... Let not the month pass without the principal village, borough, or small town which gave the signal for the insurrection being burned, and a large number of individuals being shot... Traces must be left in the cantons which have rebelled. **Letter to the commander-in-chief on the revolt in Hesse (8 January 1807), quoted in Pieter Geyl, ''Napoleon For and Against'' (1949), p. 172 *I am not satisfied with the order which is kept in Madrid; [[w:Augustin Daniel Belliard|Belliard]] is too weak; with the Spaniards it is necessary to be severe. I have arrested here fifteen of the worst characters, and I have ordered them to be shot. Arrest thirty at Madrid... If you treat the mob with kindness, these creatures fancy themselves invulnerable; if you hang a few, they get tired of the game, and become as submissive and humble as they ought to be. **Letter to [[w:Joseph Bonaparte|Joseph Bonaparte]], King of Spain (10 January 1809), quoted in ''The Confidential Correspondence of Napoleon Bonaparte with His Brother Joseph, Sometime King of Spain: Selected and Translated, with Explanatory Notes, from the "Mémoires Du Roi Joseph". Vol. II'' (1855), p. 15 * ''' So…Bessieres lived like [[w:Bayard (legend)|Bayard]]; he died like [[w:Henri de La Tour d'Auvergne, Viscount of Turenne|Turenne]]. We should all be envious of his fate. ** During the early phase of the [[w:Battle of Bautzen (1813)|Battle of Bautzen]] * Conscripts, for shame! It was on you that I was basing my hopes. I expected much from your young courage, and you are running away! ** During the [[Battle of Lutzen (1813) | Battle of Lutzen]] * ''Where do you think you are going? Can’t you see that the battle is won? Come on, stand firm!'' ** During the final stages of the Battle of Lutzen * I have gained the battle of Lutzen like the general-in-chief of the [[Army of Italy]] and of the [[Army of Egypt]]! ** During the final push of [[Battle of Lutzen (1813) | Battle of Lutzen]]. * '''From the sublime to the ridiculous is but a step.''' ** Speaking about troubles in the invasions of Russia (10 December 1812), as recorded by Abbé du Pradt, and quoted in ''History of Europe from the Commencement of the French Revolution in 1789, to the Restoration of the Bourbons in 1815'', Vol. 3 (1842) by Sir Archibald Alison, p. 593 ** Variant translations: <br> '''There is but one step from the sublime to the ridiculous.''' <br> There is only one step from the sublime to the ridiculous. * ''Le mot impossible n'est pas français.'' ** '''The word impossible is not French.''' ** Letter to General [[w:fr:Jean Le Marois|Jean Le Marois]] (9 July 1813), quoted in ''Famous Sayings and their Authors'' (1906) by Edward Latham, p. 138 ** Variant translation: '''You write to me that it is impossible; the word is not French.''' ** Variant attribution: '''Impossible is a word to be found only in the dictionary of fools.''' ** The letter says: "Ce n'est pas possible", m'ecrivez-vous: cela n'est pas français.[http://books.google.es/books?id=TqvSAAAAMAAJ&pg=PA479&dq=correspondance+napoleon+Ier+9+juillet+1813&hl=es&ei=tT3ATqzaNImu8gP01dH9Aw&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=1&ved=0CC4Q6AEwAA#v=onepage&q&f=false Original Source] * '''If the [[art]] of [[war]] were nothing but the art of avoiding risks, [[glory]] would become the prey of mediocre minds.... I have made all the calculations; [[fate]] will do the rest.''' ** Statement at the beginning of the 1813 campaign, as quoted in ''The Mind of Napoleon'' (1955) by J. Christopher Herold, p. 45 * '''All authority is in the throne; and what is the throne? This wooden frame covered with velvet? No, I am the throne.''' ** [https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Napoleon%27s_Addresses/Part_V#Address_to_the_Legislative_Body,_December,_1813. Address to the Legislative Body (December 1813)]; he here echoes the remark attributed to [[w:Louis XIV|Louis XIV]] ''L'état c'est moi'' ( "The State is I" or more commonly: "I am the State.") <!-- ** Variants: ** '''What is a throne? — a bit of wood gilded and covered in velvet. I am the state'''— I alone am here the representative of the people. Even if I had done wrong you should not have reproached me in public — people wash their dirty linen at home. France has more need of me than I of France. ** Variant translation: '''A throne is only a bench covered with velvet...''' --> **''Qu'est-ce qu'un trône? Un morceau de bois recouvert de velours; dans la langue politique, le trône c'est moi.'' **Histoire de l'empereur Napoleon, [https://books.google.com/books?id=Uh2S3GUoO4EC&pg=PA435 pg 435]. * France is invaded; I am leaving to take command of my troops, and, with God's help and their valor, I hope soon to drive the enemy beyond the frontier. ** Statement at Paris (23 January 1814) {{fix cite}} * The bullet that will kill me is not yet cast. ** Statement at Montereau (17 February 1814) {{fix cite}} * The Allied Powers having proclaimed that the Emperor Napoleon is the sole obstacle to the re-establishment of peace in Europe, he, faithful to his oath, declares that he is ready to descend from the throne, to quit France, and even to relinquish life, for the good of his country. ** Act of Abdication (4 April 1814) * England will repent of bringing the Russians so far: they will deprive her of India. ** Comment made to [[Lord John Russell]], Elba 1814, as recorded in Russell's journal and quoted in ''Lady John Russell: A Memoir (1910)'' edited by Desmond McCarthy and Agatha Russell. p. 56 * Unite for the public safety, if you would remain an independent nation. ** Proclamation to the French People (22 June 1815) * Wherever wood can swim, there I am sure to find this flag of England. ** Statement at Rochefort (July 1815) {{fix cite}} * '''Whatever shall we do in that remote spot? Well, we will write our memoirs. Work is the scythe of time.''' ** On board H.M.S. Bellerophon (August 1815) {{fix cite}} * '''I generally had to give in.''' ** Statement on his relations with the Empress Josephine (19 May 1816), quoted in ''The Story of Civilization'' (1935) by [[Will Durant]] and [[w:Ariel Durant|Ariel Durant]], p. 234 *The Princes of [[W:House of Habsburg-Lorraine|this house]] have abandoned their capital, not like soldiers of honour who cede to the circumstances and setbacks of the war, but like the perjured who are pursued by their own remorse. **J. David Markham: "Imperial Glory: The Bulletins of Napoleon's Grande Armee", p. 199. Quoted in Andrew Roberts: Napoleon The Great. *I did not usurp the crown. I picked it up from the gutter; the people placed it on my head. I was king of the people as the Bourbons are kings of the nobles **3 September 1816. Quoted in ''Napoleon at St Helena'', John Stevens Cabot Abbott, [https://books.google.com/books?id=8vcsAAAAYAAJ&newbks=1&newbks_redir=0&printsec=frontcover&pg=PA375 pg 375]. **''Je n'ai point usurpé la couronne: je l'ai relevée dans le ruisseau. Le peuple l'a mise sur ma tête. Je voulais que le titre de Français fut le plus beau, le plus désirable de la terre. J'étais enfin le roi du peuple, comme les Bourbons sont les rois des nobles'' **Charles Tristan, marquis de Montholon: ''Récits de la captivité de l'empereur Napoléon a Sainte-Hélène'', [https://books.google.com/books?id=7gooAQAAIAAJ Pg 384] * '''I may have had many projects, but I never was free to carry out any of them.''' It did me little good to be holding the helm; no matter how strong my hands, the sudden and numerous waves were stronger still, and I was wise enough to yield to them rather than resist them obstinately and make the ship founder. Thus '''I never was truly my own master but was always ruled by circumstances.''' ** Conversation with [[w:Emmanuel, comte de Las Cases|Emmanuel, comte de Las Cases]] (11 November 1816), ''Mémorial de Sainte Hélène'', v. 4, [http://books.google.com/books?id=945jAAAAMAAJ&pg=PA133 p. 133]. * What then is, generally speaking, the [[truth]] of [[history]]? A fable agreed upon. ** Conversation with Emmanuel, comte de Las Cases (20 November 1816), ''Mémorial de Sainte Hélène'', v. 4, [http://books.google.com/books?id=945jAAAAMAAJ&vq=%22fable%20agreed%20upon%22&pg=PA251 p. 251]. However, the phrase predates Napoleon. [[w:Claude Adrien Helvétius|Helvétius]] attributes it to [[w:Bernard le Bovier de Fontenelle|Bernard le Bovier de Fontenelle]], ''De l'esprit'' (1758), [http://books.google.com/books?id=N7g8AAAAcAAJ&vq=%22fable%20convenue%22&pg=RA1-PA443 p. 443] * Women are nothing but machines for producing children. ** ''The St. Helena Journal of General Baron Gourgaud'' (9 January 1817); as quoted in ''The St. Helena Journal of General Baron Gourgaud, 1815-1818 : Being a Diary written at St. Helena during a part of Napoleon's Captivity'' (1932) as translated by Norman Edwards, a translation of ''Journal de Sainte-Hélène 1815-1818'' by General [[w:Gaspard Gourgaud|Gaspard Gourgaud]] * '''My maxim was, ''la carrière est ouverte aux talents'', without distinction of birth or fortune.''' ** as quoted in [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barry_O%27Meara Barry Edward O'Meara's][https://openlibrary.org/works/OL1653828W/Napoleon_in_exile_or_A_voice_from_St._Helena?edition=napoleoninexileo01omeauoft Napoleon in Exile, or, A voice from St. Helena p. 405] * [[Religions]] are all founded on [[miracles]] — on things we cannot understand, such as the [[w:Trinity|Trinity]]. [[Jesus]] calls himself the Son of [[God]], and yet is descended from [[w:David|David]]. I prefer the religion of [[Muhammad|Mahomet]] — it is less ridiculous than ours. ** Letter from St. Helena (28 August 1817); as quoted in ''The St. Helena Journal of General Baron Gourgaud, 1815-1818 : Being a Diary written at St. Helena during a part of Napoleon's Captivity'' (1932) as translated by Norman Edwards, a translation of ''Journal de Sainte-Hélène 1815-1818'' by General [[w:Gaspard Gourgaud|Gaspard Gourgaud]], t.2, p. 226 <!-- Flammarion --> * ''J'aurais dû mourir à Waterloo'' ** I ought to have died at Waterloo *** ''Mémorial de Sainte Hélène'' *Mahomet was a great man, an intrepid soldier; with a handful of men he triumphed at the [[Battle of Badr|battle of Bender]] [''sic'']; a great captain, eloquent, a great man of state, he revived his fatherland and created a new people and a new power in the middle of [[Arabia]]. ** [[Napoleon I of France]] in ''Précis des guerres de César'', Gosselin, 1836, edited by [[w:Jean Gabriel Marchand|Comte Marchand]], p. 237. This work was written by Napoleon during his exile on St. Helena. Translated by Ziad Elmarsafy in [http://books.google.fr/books?id=gkIKAQAAMAAJ The Enlightenment Qur'an]. * The [[Islam|Mohammedan]] religion is the finest of all **''[[:w:The Saint Helena Journal of General Baron Gourgaud|Talks of Napoleon at St. Helena with General Baron Gourgaud]], together with the journal kept by Gourgaud on their journey from Waterloo to St Helena (1903)'', [http://archive.org/stream/talkofnapoleonat007678mbp#page/n321/mode/2up pp. 279–280] * [[Muhammad]] was a great man, an intrepid soldier; with a handful of men he triumphed at the battle of Bender (sic); a great captain, eloquent, a great man of state, he revived his fatherland and created a new people and a new power in the middle of Arabia. ** Statement of 1817 quoted in ''Précis des guerres de César, écrit à Sainte-Hélène sous la dictée de l'empereur'' (1836) edited by [[w:Jean Gabriel Marchand|Comte Marchand]], p. 237. This work was written by Napoleon during his exile on St. Helena. Translated by Ziad Elmarsafy in [http://books.google.fr/books?id=gkIKAQAAMAAJ The Enlightenment Qur'an]. * Muhammad was a prince; he rallied his compatriots around him. In a few years, the [[Muslim|Muslims]] conquered half of the world. They plucked more [[Soul|souls]] from false gods, knocked down more idols, razed more pagan temples in fifteen years than the followers of [[Moses]] and [[Jesus]] did in fifteen centuries. Muhammad was a great man. He would indeed have been a god, if the [[revolution]] that he had performed had not been prepared by the circumstances. ** ''Campagnes d'Egypte et Syrie'', Paris, Imprimerie Nationale, 1998, p. 275. Translated by [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Tolan John Tolan] in [http://www.academia.edu/1834648/European_Accounts_of_Muhammads_Life European Accounts of Muhammad's Life]. Napoleon wrote his memoirs on the island of Saint Helena. It is here he develops his portrait of Muhammad as a model lawmaker and conqueror. * '''I have fought sixty battles and I have learned nothing which I did not know at the beginning.''' ** ''Napoleon: A Biography'' by Frank McLynn, p. 145. Translated from Gourgaud's ''Journal de Sainte-Hélène 1815-1818'', entry of 25 December 1817. *'''Two of my Marshalls are racing to get under their orders the Italian troops; i leave it to Suchet who has better ambitions than Macdonald. The Italians will soon be recognized again as the first soldiers of Europe. I'm very proud of my brave Italian army.''' **Cited in De Laugier, ''Vicissitudes of the Italian people from 1801 to 1815'', to. X, Firenze, 1836, p. 43 – Aless. Zanoli, ''About the Italian army, historical-statistical outline from 1796 to 1814'', vol. II, Milano, 1845, p. 145. * Our hour is marked, and no one can claim a moment of life beyond what fate has predestined. ** To Dr. Arnott (April 1821) {{fix cite}} * I see that everybody has lost their head since the infamous capitulation of Bailén. I realise that I must go there myself to get the machine working again. ** Said after Dupont's capitulation at [[w:Bailén]] to the Spanish (1808), as quoted in ''The Art of Warfare on Land'' (1974) by David G. Chandler, p. 164 * '''Ordinary men died, men of iron were taken prisoner: I only brought back with me men of bronze.''' ** Statement of 1812, quoted in ''Napoleon's Cavalry and its Leaders'' (1978) by David Johnson <!-- and in ''History of the Expedition to Russia'' (1827) by Philippe-Paul Ségur, as translated by C. J. Sumemerville ? --> ::* Les hommes ordinaires ont succombé, disait-il; les hommes de fer ont été faits prisonniers; je ne ramène avec moi que les hommes de bronze. :::*Mémoires du colonel Combe sur les campagnes de Russie 1812, de Saxe 1813, de France 1814 et 1815. Paris 1853. [https://books.google.de/books?id=KhlYAAAAcAAJ&pg=PA184 p. 184 books.google] * `` A general of ordinary talent, occupying a bad position and surprised by a superior force, seeks his safety in retreat; but a great captain supplies all deficiencies by his courage, and marches boldly to meet the attack. By this means he disconcerts his adversary, and if this last shows any irresolution in his movements, a skilful leader, profiting by his indecision, may even hope for victory. * Among so many conflicting ideas and so many different perspectives, the honest man is confused and distressed and the skeptic becomes wicked ... Since one must take sides, one might as well choose the side that is victorious, the side which devastates, loots, and burns. Considering the alternative, it is better to eat than to be eaten. ** Letter to his brother, as quoted in ''The Age of Napoleon'' (2002) by J. Christopher Herold, p. 8 * Depuis le premier jour jusqu'au dernier, il est le même, toujours le même, majestueux et simple , infiniment sévère et infiniment doux ; dans un commerce de vie pour ainsi dire public, Jésus ne donne jamais de prise à la moindre critique; sa conduite si prudente ravit l'admiration par un mélange de force et de douceur. ** ''Sentiment de Napoléon sur la divinité de Jésus-Christ'' (1841), p. 59. Translated: "From first day to the last, he is the same, always the same, majestic and simple, extremely severe and extremely mild in the business of public life, so to speak, Jesus does not hold to any criticism, his prudent manner so delighted admiration by a mixture of strength and gentleness". *'''I am a [[monarch]] of [[God]]'s creation, and you reptiles of the [[earth]] dare not oppose me. I render an account of my [[government]] to none save God and [[Jesus]] [[Christ]].''' ** Addressing members of the Catholic clergy assembled during 'Bonaparte's Conference with the Catholic and Protestant clergy at [[w:Breda|Breda]],' May 1, 1810 (originally reported in the Gazette of [[w:Dorpat|Dorpt]]), as quoted in ''The life of Napoleon Bonaparte, emperor of the French: with a preliminary view of the French revolution'', [[w: Sir Walter Scott | Sir Walter Scott]], Philadelphia: Leary & Getz, 1857, [http://books.google.com/books?id=6yEMAAAAYAAJ&pg=RA1-PA91&dq=%22you+reptiles+of+the+earth%22&lr=&cd=1#v=onepage&q=%22you%20reptiles%20of%20the%20earth%22&f=false p. 91] **Variant translation: '''God placed me on the throne, and you reptiles of the earth dare oppose me. I owe no account of my administration to the pope,— only to God and Jesus Christ.''' *** As quoted in ''The Christian Observer'', Volume 10, 1861, [http://books.google.com/books?id=mc8WAQAAIAAJ&pg=PA261&dq=%22you+reptiles+of+the+earth%22&lr=&cd=2#v=onepage&q=%22you%20reptiles%20of%20the%20earth%22&f=false p. 261] * A cowardly act! What do I care about that? You may be sure that I should never fear to commit one if it were to my advantage. ** Quoted by George Gordon Andrews in ''Napoleon in Review'' (1939)[http://books.google.com/books?id=hnvRAAAAMAAJ&q=&quot;A+cowardly+act+What+do+I+care+about+that+You+may+be+sure+that+I+should+never+fear+to+commit+one+if+it+were+to+my+advantage&quot;&pg=PA8#v=onepage] * The true conquests, the only ones that cause no regret, are those made over ignorance. ** (November 26, 1797) as quoted in Andrew Roberts ''Napoleon: A Life'' p. 157 * A [[Journalism|journalist]] is a grumbler, a censurer, a giver of advice, a regent of sovereigns, a tutor of nations. Four hostile newspapers are more to be feared than an hundred thousand bayonets. ** Appears to be fabricated as it is not known from surviving print before 19 March 1845 when it appeared in ''Mississippi Democrat'' in an article titled 'The Press' and in ''The North-Carolina Standard'' on its own as a column filler. On April 17, 1845 a longer version of "The Press" article appeared in ''The Guard'' (Holly Springs, Miss.) crediting the article to the ''New Orleans Jeffersonian'', a newspaper edited by Col J F H Claiborne (Life of Col. J.F.H. Claiborne by Franklin L. Riley, P. 232). Claiborne was also a US congressman and "ranked among the most eloquent orators of the House of Representatives" (ibid P.221). It is known he was in agreement with the sentiment of the quote having said, "The journalist has a grander mission, and if conscientiously pursued, it is the highest and noblest of all avocations" (ibid P. 228). The relevant issue of the Jeffersonian does not appear to have survived but is possibly the original source of the invented quote. Claiborne again uses the "quote" in 1846 in a tribute to Professor Thomas R. Dew (''Richmond Enquirer'' (Richmond, Va.), October 20, 1846). The "quote" then quickly spreads across the english-speaking world, arriving in England by 26 April and appearing in ''The Sentinel'' (Sydney, Australia) on 5 November 1845. It appears to be unknown in french. *You have already been informed of my arrival on the borders of the Red Sea, with an innumerable and invincible Army, full of the desire of delivering you from the iron yoke of England. I eagerly embrace this opportunity of testifying to you the desire I have of being informed by you, by the way of Muscat and Mocha, as to your political situation. I would even wish you could send some intelligent person to Suez or [[Cairo]], possessing your confidence, with whom I may confer. May the Almighty increase your power and destroy your enemies. **From an undated letter that Napoleon wrote to Tipu Sultan, which was intercepted by the British. Quoted in [[Vikram Sampath]] - Tipu - The Saga of Mysore's Interregnum (2024), chapter 16. === ''Napoleon in Exile'' (1822) === * Had it not been for that fatal suspension of arms, in 1813, to which I was induced to consent by [[Austria]], I should have succeeded. The victories of Lutzen and Wurtzen (Bautzen) had restored confidence in the French forces. The King of Saxony was triumphantly brought back to his capital; one of the corps of the French army was at the gates of [[Berlin]], and the enemy had been driven from [[Hamburg]]. The [[Russia|Russian]] and [[Prussia|Prussian]] armies were preparing to pass the Vistula, when the cabinet of Austria, acting with its characteristic perfidy, advised the suspension of hostilities, at a time when it had already entered into engagements with Russia and Prussia; the armistice was only a delusion to gain the time necessary to make preparations, it being intended to declare against France in May. The unexpected successes obliged it to act with more circumspection. It was necessary to gain more time, and negociations went on at the congress of Prague. Metternich insisted that Austria should have the half of Italy, and made other exorbitant conditions, which were only demanded in order to be refused. As soon as she had got her army ready, Austria declared against France. After the victory of Dresden, I was superior, and had formed the project to deceive the enemy, by marching towards Magdeburgh, then to rcross the Elbe at Wittenberg, and march upon Berlin. Several divisions of the army were occupied in these manoeuvres, when a letter was brough to me from the King of Wirtemberg, announcing that the Bavarian army had joined the Austrians, and to the amount of eighty thousand men, were marching towards the Rhine, under the command of Wrede; that he, being compelled by the presence of that army, was obliged to join his contingent to it, and that Mentz would soon be invested by a hundred thousand men. === ''Memoirs of Napoleon'' (1829-1831) === [[File:Napoleonbonaparte coloured drawing.png|thumb|right|More glorious to merit a sceptre than to possess one.]] :<small>''[http://www.gutenberg.org/etext/3567 Memoirs of Napoleon]'' was published in 10 volumes (1829-1831) by [[W:Louis Antoine Fauvelet de Bourrienne|Louis Antoine Fauvelet de Bourrienne]] who from 1797 to 1802 had been a private secretary to Napoleon.</small> * Immortality is the best recollection one leaves. * Kiss the feet of Popes provided their hands are tied. * '''Malice delights to blacken the characters of prominent men.''' * '''More glorious to merit a sceptre than to possess one.''' * '''Those who are free from common prejudices acquire others.''' === ''The Consulate and The Empire'' (1834) === * Well, then, had I been at [[w:Martinique|Martinique]], I should also have been on the side of the English, because above all things it is necessary to save one's life. '''I am for the [[White people|whites]], because I am white; I have no other reason, yet that is reason good enough.''' How was it possible to grant liberty to the [[Black people|Africans]], to men without any kind of civilization, who did not even know what a [[colony]] meant, or that there was such a place as France? ** Si j'avais été à la Martinique, j'aurais été pour les Anglais, parce qu'avant tout il faut sauver sa vie. Je suis pour les blancs, parce que je suis blanc; je n'en ai pas d'autre raison, et celle-là est la bonne. Comment a-t-on pu donner la liberté à des Africains, à des hommes qui n'avaient aucune civilisation, qui ne savaient seulement pas ce que c'était que colonie, ce que c'était que la France? **"Le Consulat et L'Empire" by [[w:Antoine Claire Thibaudeau|A. C. Thibaudeau]], Volume 3, pg 323. Translated in "The Life of Napoleon Buonaparte" by William Hazlitt, pg 271. *They seek to destroy the Revolution by attacking my person: I will defend it for I am the Revolution, I myself! Henceforth they will look to it, for they will know ''of what we are capable''. **Pg 427. Thomas W. Redhead translation, Volume II. **On veut détruire la Révolution en s’attaquant à ma personne: je la défendrai, car je suis la Révolution, moi, moi … On y regardera à partir d’aujourd’hui, car on saura de quoi nous sommes capables. **Pg 608 in the French edition === ''Political Aphorisms, Moral and Philosophical Thoughts'' (1848) === :<small>[http://www.napoleonic-literature.com/Book_8/Book8.html ''Political Aphorisms, Moral and Philosophical Thoughts of Emperor Napoleon''] collected and published by Cte. A. G. de Liancourt; edited by James Alexander Manning; this work is also sometimes referred to as ''Maxims of Napoleon''</small> * When you have an enemy in your power, deprive him of the means of ever injuring you. ** p. 30 * '''He who fears being conquered is certain of defeat.''' ** p. 146 * '''The greater the man, the less is he opinionative, he depends upon events and circumstances.''' ** p. 146 * What is the [[government]]? [[nothing]], unless supported by [[opinion]]. ** p. 242 * A constitution should be framed so as not to impede the action of government, nor force the government to its violation. ** p. 246 * The people must not be counted upon; they cry indifferently : "Long live the King!" and "Long live the Conspirators!" a proper direction must be given to them, and proper instruments employed to effect it. ** p. 246 * Hereditary succession to the magistracy is absurd, as it tends to make a property of it; it is incompatible with the sovereignty of the people. ** p. 246 * Orders and decorations are necessary in order to dazzle the people. ** p. 248 * [[Power]] is founded upon opinion. ** p. 248 * Sometimes a great example is necessary to all the public functionaries of the state. ** p. 248 * A Government protected by foreigners will never be accepted by a free people. * '''A great people may be killed, but they cannot be intimidated.''' * A great reserve and severity of manners are necessary for the command of those who are older than ourselves. * A king is sometimes obliged to commit crimes; but they are the crimes of his position. * A King should sacrifice the best affections of his heart for the good of his country; no sacrifice should be above his determination. *'''Greatness is nothing unless it be lasting.''' * Many a one commits a reprehensible action, who is at bottom an honourable man, because man seldom acts upon natural impulse, but from some secret passion of the moment which lies hidden and concealed within the narrowest folds of his heart. * The life of a citizen is the property of his country. * You cannot treat with all the world at once. === ''With Napoleon in Russia: The Memoirs of General De Caulaincourt, Duke of Vicenza'' (1933) === *''If you make everything difficult, the really hard things seem less so.'' === ''Napoleon : In His Own Words'' (1916) === :<small>''Napoleon : In His Own Words'' (1916) edited by Jules Bertaut, as translated by Herbert Edward Law and Charles Lincoln Rhodes </small> [[File:1801 Antoine-Jean Gros - Bonaparte on the Bridge at Arcole.jpg|thumb|right|Destiny urges me to a goal of which I am ignorant. Until that goal is attained I am invulnerable, unassailable. When Destiny has accomplished her purpose in me, a fly may suffice to destroy me.]] ::'''Ch. I : On Success''' * '''There are only two forces that unite men — fear and interest.''' All great revolutions originate in fear, for the play of interests does not lead to accomplishment. * Audacity succeeds as often as it fails; in life it has an even chance. * '''The superior man is never in anyone's way.''' * Who saves his country violates no law. **''Celui qui sauve sa patrie ne viole aucune loi'' **Maximes et pensées de Napoléon recueillies par J.-L. Gaudy jeune (1838), [https://gallica.bnf.fr/ark:/12148/bpt6k6151840d/f46.image.r=Viole Pg 49] **"Gaudy"'s collection was actually compiled by Honoré de Balzac, who may have invented some of the maxims. Graham Robb: "Balzac" (1994), [https://archive.org/details/balzacbiography00robb/page/317/mode/1up pp 317-318]. * There are so many laws that no one is safe from hanging. * '''Success is the most convincing talker in the world.''' * As a rule it is circumstances that make men. * '''Impatience is a great obstacle to success; he who treats everything with brusqueness gathers nothing, or only immature fruit which will never ripen.''' * '''One must indeed be ignorant of the methods of genius to suppose that it allows itself to be cramped by forms.''' Forms are for mediocrity, and it is fortunate that mediocrity can act only according to routine. Ability takes its flight unhindered. * Never depend on the multitude, full of instability and whims; always take precautions against it. * From triumph to downfall is but a step. I have seen a trifle decide the most important issues in the gravest affairs. * '''It is only by prudence, wisdom, and dexterity, that great ends are attained and obstacles overcome. Without these qualities nothing succeeds.''' * '''The man fitted for affairs and authority never considers individuals, but things and their consequences.''' * A congress of the powers is deceit agreed on between diplomats — it is the pen of [[Machiavelli]] combined with the scimitar of [[Muhammad|Mahomet]]. * '''Destiny urges me to a goal of which I am ignorant. Until that goal is attained I am invulnerable, unassailable. When Destiny has accomplished her purpose in me, a fly may suffice to destroy me.''' * Necessity dominates inclination, will, and right. ::'''Ch. II : Psychology and Morals''' * Men have their virtues and their vices, their heroisms and their perversities; men are neither wholly good nor wholly bad, but possess and practice all that there is of good and bad here below. Such is the general rule. Temperament, education, the accidents of life, are modifying factors. Outside of this, everything is ordered arrangement, everything is chance. Such has been my rule of expectation and it has usually brought me success. * '''Whatever misanthropists may say, ingrates and the perverse are exceptions in the human species.''' * The great mass of society are far from being depraved; for if a large majority were criminal or inclined to break the laws, where would the force or power be to prevent or constrain them? And herein is the real blessing of civilization, because this happy result has its origin in her bosom, growing out of her very nature. * '''[[Imagination]] governs the world.''' * What are we? What is the future? What is the past? What magic fluid envelops us and hides from us the things it is most important for us to know? '''We are born, we live, and we die in the midst of the marvelous.''' * To do all that one is able to do, is to be a man; to do all that one would like to do, would be to be a god. * Man achieves in life only by commanding the capabilities nature has given him, or by creating them within himself by education and by knowing how to profit by the difficulties encountered. * It is a mistake, too, to say that the face is the mirror of the soul. '''The truth is, men are very hard to know, and yet, not to be deceived, we must judge them by their present actions, but for the present only.''' * One is more certain to influence men, to produce more effect on them, by absurdities than by sensible ideas. * It is not true that men never change; they change for the worse, as well as for the better. It is not true they are ungrateful; more often the benefactor rates his favors higher than their worth; and often too he does not allow for circumstances. If few men have the moral force to resist impulses, most men do carry within themselves the germs of virtues as well as of vices, of heroism as well as of cowardice. Such is human nature — education and circumstances do the rest. * '''Ordinarily men exercise their memory much more than their judgment.''' * '''There is nothing so imperious as feebleness which feels itself supported by force.''' * True character stands the test of emergencies. Do not be mistaken, it is weakness from which the awakening is rude. * How many seemingly impossible things have been accomplished by resolute men because they had to do, or die. * '''The fool has one great advantage over a man of sense — he is always satisfied with himself.''' * Simpletons talk of the past, wise men of the present, and fools of the future. * One must learn to forgive and not to hold a hostile, bitter attitude of mind, which offends those about us and prevents us from enjoying ourselves; one must recognize human shortcomings and adjust himself to them rather than to be constantly finding fault with them. * '''It is not necessary to prohibit or encourage oddities of conduct which are not harmful.''' * The best way to keep one's word is not to give it. ::'''Ch. III : Love and Marriage''' * In love the only safety is in flight. * I do not believe it is in our nature to love impartially. We deceive ourselves when we think we can love two beings, even our own children, equally. There is always a dominant affection. ::'''Ch. IV : Things Political''' * '''In politics nothing is immutable. Events carry within them an invincible power.''' The unwise destroy themselves in resistance. The skillful accept events, take strong hold of them and direct them. * It is only with prudence, sagacity, and much dexterity that great aims are accomplished, and all obstacles surmounted. Otherwise nothing is accomplished. * The great difficulty with politics is, that there are no established principles. * The truth is that one ought to serve his people worthily, and not strive solely to please them. The best way to gain a people is to do that which is best for them. Nothing is more dangerous than to flatter a people. If it does not get what it wants immediately, it is irritated and thinks that promises have not been kept; and if then it is resisted, it hates so much the more as it feels itself deceived. * '''Lead the ideas of your time and they will accompany and support you; fall behind them and they drag you along with them; oppose them and they will overwhelm you.''' * There is no such thing as an absolute despotism; it is only relative. A man cannot wholly free himself from obligation to his fellows. A sultan who cut off heads from caprice, would quickly lose his own in the same way. Excesses tend to check themselves by reason of their own violence. What the ocean gains in one place it loses in another. * We are made weak both by idleness and distrust of ourselves. Unfortunate, indeed, is he who suffers from both. If he is a mere individual he becomes nothing; if he is a king he is lost. * A prince should suspect everything. * '''In politics, an absurdity is not an impediment.''' * The most difficult art is not in the choice of men, but in giving to the men chosen the highest service of which they are capable. * Posterity alone rightly judges kings. Posterity alone has the right to accord or withhold honors. * [[Obedience]] to public authority ought not to be based either on [[ignorance]] or [[stupidity]]. * '''The laws of circumstance are abolished by new circumstances.''' * Some revolutions are inevitable. There are moral eruptions, just as the outbreak of volcanoes are physical eruptions. When the chemical combinations which produce them are complete, the volcanic eruptions burst forth, just as revolutions do when the moral factors are in the right state. In order to foresee them the trend of ideas must be understandingly observed. * '''One can lead a nation only by helping it see a bright outlook. A leader is a dealer in hope.''' * It is rare that a [[legislature]] reasons. It is too quickly impassioned. * '''Parties weaken themselves by their fear of capable men.''' * [[Democracy]] may become frenzied, but it has feelings and can be moved. As for [[aristocracy]], it is always cold and never forgives. * '''We frustrate many designs against us by pretending not to see them.''' * To listen to the interests of all, marks an ordinary government; to foresee them, marks a great government. * Peace ought to be the result of a system well considered, founded on the true interests of the different countries, honorable to each, and ought not to be either a capitulation or the result of a threat. ::''' Ch. V : Concerning the Fine Arts''' * A book in which there were no lies would be a curiosity. * All men of genius, and all those who have gained rank in the republic of letters, are brothers, whatever may be the land of their nativity. * It must be recognized that the real truths of history are hard to discover. Happily, for the most part, they are rather matters of curiosity than of real importance. * '''[[Dante]] has not deigned to take his inspiration from any other. He has wished to be himself, himself alone; in a word, to create.''' He has occupied a vast space, and has filled it with the superiority of a sublime mind. He is diverse, strong, and gracious. He has imagination, warmth, and enthusiasm. He makes his reader tremble, shed tears, feel the thrill of honor in a way that is the height of art. Severe and menacing, he has terrible imprecations for crime, scourgings for vice, sorrow for misfortune. As a citizen, affected by the laws of the republic, he thunders against its oppressors, but he is always ready to excuse his native city, Florence is ever to him his sweet, beloved country, dear to his heart. I am envious for my dear France, that she has never produced a rival to Dante; that this Colossus has not had his equal among us. No, there is no reputation which can be compared to his. * The [[division of labor]], which has brought such perfection in mechanical industries, is altogether fatal when applied to productions of the mind. All work of the mind is superior in proportion as the mind that produces it is universal. ::'''Ch. VI : Administration''' * Laws which are consistent in theory often prove chaotic in practice. * In practical administration, experience is everything. :: '''Ch. VII : Concerning Religion''' * Aristocracy is the spirit of the [[Old Testament]], [[democracy]] of the [[New Testament|New]]. * The [[existence of God]] is attested by everything that appeals to our imagination. And if our eye cannot reach Him it is because He has not permitted our [[intelligence]] to go so far. * [[Jesus]] Christ was the greatest [[Republicanism|republican]]. * Charity and alms are recommended in every chapter of the ''[[Qur'an|Koran]]'' as being the most acceptable services, both to [[Allah|God]] and the Prophet. * The religious zeal which animates priests, leads them to undertake labors and to brave perils which would be far beyond the powers of one in secular employment. * '''Conscience is the most sacred thing among men.''' Every man has within him a still small voice, which tells him that nothing on earth can oblige him to believe that which he does not believe. The worst of all tyrannies is that which obliges eighteen-twentieths of a nation to embrace a religion contrary to their beliefs, under penalty of being denied their rights as citizens and of owning property, which, in effect, is the same thing as being without a country. * [[Fanaticism]] must be put to sleep before it can be eradicated. * Policemen and prisons ought never to be the means used to bring men back to the practice of religion. * You cannot drag a man's [[conscience]] before any tribunal, and no one is answerable for his religious opinions to any power on earth. * The populace judges of the power of God by the power of the [[Priest|priests]]. * Man loves the marvelous. It has an irresistible charm for him. He is always ready to leave that with which he is familiar to pursue vain inventions. He lends himself to his own deception. * '''Our credulity is a part of the imperfection of our natures. It is inherent in us to desire to generalize, when we ought, on the contrary, to guard ourselves very carefully from this tendency.''' :: '''Ch. VII : On War''' * '''A general must be a charlatan.''' * Unhappy the general who comes on the field of battle with a system. * '''It is often in the audacity, in the steadfastness, of the general that the safety and the conservation of his men is found.''' * The military principles of [[Julius Caesar|Caesar]] were those of [[Hannibal]], and those of Hannibal were those of [[Alexander the Great|Alexander]] — to hold his forces in hand, not to be vulnerable at any point, to throw all his forces with rapidity on any given point. * '''An army which cannot be reenforced is already defeated. ''' * A commander in chief ought to say to himself several times a day: If the enemy should appear on my front, on my right, on my left, what would I do? And if the question finds him uncertain, he is not well placed, he is not as he should be, and he should remedy it. * The moment of greatest peril is the moment of victory. * '''At the beginning of a campaign it is important to consider whether or not to move forward; but when one has taken the offensive it is necessary to maintain it to the last extremity.''' However skilfully effected a retreat may be, it always lessens the morale of an army, since in losing the chances of success, they are remitted to the enemy. A retreat, moreover, costs much more in men and materials than the bloodiest engagements, with this difference, also, that in a battle the enemy loses practically as much as you do; while in a retreat you lose and he does not. * Changing from the defensive to the offensive, is one of the most delicate operations in war. * An army ought to be ready every moment to offer all the resistance of which it is capable. * Never march by flank in front of an army in position. This principle is absolute. * '''In a battle, as in a siege, the art consists in concentrating very heavy fire on a particular point.''' The line of battle once established, the one who has the ability to concentrate an unlooked for mass of artillery suddenly and unexpectedly on one of these points is sure to carry the day. * '''There is a joy in danger.''' * War is a serious game in which a man risks his reputation, his troops, and his country. A sensible man will search himself to know whether or not he is fitted for the trade. * '''There is only one favorable moment in war; talent consists in knowing how to seize it.''' * He who cannot look over a battlefield with a dry eye, causes the death of many men uselessly. * In war, theory is all right so far as general principles are concerned; but in reducing general principles to practice there will always be danger. Theory and practice are the axis about which the sphere of accomplishment revolves. * '''The secret of great battles consists in knowing how to deploy and concentrate at the right time.''' * The art of war consists in being always able, even with an inferior army, to have stronger forces than the enemy at the point of attack or the point which is attacked. * The praises of enemies are always to be suspected. A man of honor will not permit himself to be flattered by them, except when they are given after the cessation of hostilities. * '''The most desirable quality in a soldier is constancy in the support of fatigue; valor is only secondary.''' * Policy and morals concur in repressing pillage. * Gentleness, good treatment, honor the victor and dishonor the vanquished, who should remain aloof and owe nothing to pity — In war, audacity is the finest calculation of genius. * In civil war it is not given to every man to know how to conduct himself. There is something more than military prudence necessary; there is need of sagacity and the knowledge of men. * '''Nothing is so contrary to military rules as to make the strength of your army known, either in the orders of the day, in proclamations, or in the newspapers.''' * War is a lottery in which nations ought to risk nothing but small amounts. * [[w:Achilles|Achilles]] was the son of a goddess and of a mortal; in that, he is the image of the genius of war. The divine part is all that that is derived from moral considerations of character, talent, the interest of your adversary, of opinion, of the temper of the soldier, which is strong and victorious, or feeble and beaten, according as he believes this divine part to be. The mortal part is the arms, the fortifications, the order of battle — everything which arises out of material things. * '''Courage cannot be counterfeited. It is one virtue that escapes hypocrisy.''' * In war one must lean on an obstacle in order to overcome it. * In war, character and opinion make more than half of the reality. * That dependable courage, which in spite of the most sudden circumstances, nevertheless allows freedom of mind, of judgment and of decision, is exceedingly rare. * '''[[War]] is becoming an anachronism'''; if we have battled in every part of the continent it was because two opposing social orders were facing each other, the one which dates from 1789, and the old regime. They could not exist together; the younger devoured the other. I know very well, that, in the final reckoning, it was war that overthrew me, me the representative of the [[French Revolution]], and the instrument of its principles. But no matter! The battle was lost for civilization, and civilization will inevitably take its revenge. There are two systems, the past and the future. The present is only a painful transition. Which must triumph? The future, will it not? Yes indeed, the future! That is, intelligence, industry, and peace. The past was brute force, privilege, and ignorance. Each of our victories was a triumph for the ideas of the Revolution. '''Victories will be won, one of these days, without cannon, and without bayonets.''' * '''It is not that addresses at the opening of a battle make the soldiers brave. The old veterans scarcely hear them, and recruits forget them at the first boom of the cannon.''' Their usefulness lies in their effect on the course of the campaign, in neutralizing rumors and false reports, in maintaining a good spirit in the camp, and in furnishing matter for camp-fire talk. The printed order of the day should fulfill these different ends. * What are the conditions that make for the superiority of an army? Its internal organization, military habits in officers and men, the confidence of each in themselves; that is to say, bravery, patience, and all that is contained in the idea of moral means. * '''The issue of a battle is the result of an instant, of a thought.''' There is the advance, with its various combinations, the battle is joined, the struggle goes on a certain time, the decisive moment presents itself, a spark of genius discloses it, and the smallest body of reserves accomplish victory. * '''In war, groping tactics, half-way measures, lose everything.''' * '''A man who has no consideration for the needs of his men ought never to be given command.''' * To plan to reserve cavalry for the finish of the battle, is to have no conception of the power of combined infantry and cavalry charges, either for attack or for defense. * The general of the sea has need of only one science, that of navigation. The one on land has need of all, or of a talent which is the equivalent of all, that will enable him to profit by all experience, and all knowledge. A general of the sea has nothing to divine. He knows where his enemy is, he knows his strength. A general on land never knows anything with certainty, never sees his enemy well, and never knows positively where he is. * '''In order not to be astonished at obtaining victories, one ought not to think only of defeats.''' * In war, luck is half in everything. *'''If I had not been defeated in Acre against Jezzar Pasha of Turk. I would conquer all of the East''' * '''My most splendid campaign was that of March 20; not a single shot was fired.''' ::'''Ch. IX : Sociology''' * In France, only the impossible is admired. * The sentiment of national honor is never more than half extinguished in the French. It takes only a spark to re-kindle it. * France will always be a great nation. * '''If you give me an army of [[Turks]], I can take the whole world hostage.''' * '''[[Turks]] can be killed, but they can never be conquered.''' * [[Europe]] is a molehill. It has never had any great [[Empire|empires]], like those of the [[Asia|Orient]], numbering six hundred million souls. * Europe has its history, often tragic, though at intervals consoling. But to speak of any universally recognized national rights or that these rights have played any part in its history, is to play with the powers of public credulity. Always the first duty of a state has been its safety; the pledge of its safety, its power; and the limits of its power, that intelligence of which each has been made the depository. When the great powers have proclaimed any other principle, it has been only for their own purposes, and the smaller powers have never received any benefit from it. * '''Each state claims the right to control interests foreign to itself when those interests are such that it can control them without putting its own interests in danger. ... other powers only recognize this right of intervening in proportion as the country doing it has the power to do it.''' * ‘I shall bring the nobles of this court so low they shall be obliged to beg their bred.’ - Said to Count Nesch after the battle of Jena-Austedt in Berlin. ==Attributed== [[File:Napoleon_Las_Casas.jpg|thumb|It is [[hunger]] that makes the [[world]] move.]] [[File:Napoleon sainthelene.jpg|250px|thumb|right|[[Morality]] has nothing to do with such a man as I am.]] [[File:Minard.png|thumb|350px|A good sketch is better than a long speech. (A picture is worth a thousand words.)]] * Surely in a matter of this kind we should endeavor to do something, that we may say that we have not lived in vain, that we may leave some impress of ourselves on the [[Sands of time (idiom)|sands of time]]. ** From an alleged Letter of to his Minister of the Interior on the Poor Laws. Pub. in The Press, Feb. 1, 1868. * ''' You must not fear death, my lads; defy him, and you drive him into the enemy's ranks.''' ** As quoted in ''Dictionary of Quotations from Ancient and Modern English and Foreign Sources'' (1899) by Rev. James Wood, p. 567 * '''Morality has nothing to do with such a man as I am.''' ** As quoted in ''The Story of World Progress'' (1922) by Willis Mason West, p. 433 * Waterloo will wipe out the memory of my forty victories; but that which nothing can wipe out is my [[w:Napoleonic code|Civil Code]]. That will live forever. ** As quoted in ''The Story of World Progress'' (1922) by Willis Mason West, p. 437 * If I were an Englishman, I should esteem the man who advised a war with [[China]] to be the greatest living enemy of my country. You would be beaten in the end, and perhaps a revolution in India would follow. ** Reported as being from an 1817 conversation in ''The Mind of Napoleon'', ed. and trans. J. Christopher Herold (1955), p. 249. Reported as unverified in ''Respectfully Quoted: A Dictionary of Quotations'' (1989). * ''Un bon croquis vaut mieux qu'un long discours.'' ** '''A good sketch is better than a long speech.''' *** Quoted in ''L'Arche de Noé'' (1968) by Marie-Madeleine Fourcade, p. 48; this has sometimes also been translated as "'''[[w:A picture is worth a thousand words|A picture is worth a thousand words]]'''", though it is not known to be the origin of that English expression. * I saw myself founding a religion, marching into Asia riding an elephant, a turban on my head and in my hand the new [[Qur'an|Koran]] that I would have composed to suit my needs. ** As quoted in ''The British in Egypt‎'' (1971) by Peter Mansfield, p. 1 * '''Ability is nothing without opportunity.''' ** As quoted in ''Have You Ever Noticed? : The Wit and Irony of Every Day Life'' (1985) by Joe Moore * The hand that gives is above the hand that takes. (''La main qui donne est au-dessus de celle qui reçoit.'') ** Italian saying, quoted by Bonaparte during the [[w:Italian_campaigns_of_the_French_Revolutionary_Wars#First_Coalition_.281792-1797.29|first Italian campaign]] to highlight the financial dependence of the ''[[w:French Directory|Directoire]]'' on the plunder from the Army of Italy, according to Lucian S. Regenbogen, ''Napoléon a dit : aphorismes, citations et opinions'', p. 82. * Money has no motherland; financiers are without patriotism and without decency; their sole object is gain. ** Attributed in ''Monarchy or Money Power'' (1933), by R. McNair Wilson. No primary source for this is known. * '''Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.''' ** As quoted in ''The Military Quotation Book'' (2002) by James Charlton, p. 93 * '''I am the instrument of providence, she will use me as long as I accomplish her designs, then she will break me like a glass.''' ** As quoted in ''The Linguist and the Emperor : Napoleon and Champollion's Quest to Decipher the Rosetta Stone'' (2004) by Daniel Meyerson * If I had succeeded, I would have been the greatest man known to history. ** As quoted in ''The Tyrants : 2500 Years of Absolute Power and Corruption'' (2006) by Clive Foss <small> {{ISBN|1905204965}}</small> * You call these baubles, well, it is with baubles that men are led... Do you think that you would be able to make men fight by reasoning? Never. That is only good for the scholar in his study. The soldier needs glory, distinctions, and rewards. ** On awards, as quoted in ''Mémoires sur le Consulat. 1799 à 1804'' (1827) by Antoine-Claire, Comte Thibaudeau. Chez Ponthieu, pp. 83–84. Original: "''On appelle cela des ''hochets''; eh bien! c'est avec des hochets que l'on mène les hommes... Croyez-vous que vous feríez battre des hommes par l'analyse? Jamais. Elle n'est bonne que pour le savant dans son cabinet. Il faut au soldat de la gloire, des distinctions, des récomponses.''" * The future destiny of the child is always the work of his mother. Let France have good mothers, and she will have good sons. ** As quoted in ''Mama Was My Teacher: Growing Up In A Small Southern Town'' (2004) by Dozier Cade, p. 77 * Leave the Artillerymen alone, they are an obstinate lot. ** As quoted in ''The Dictionary of Military and Naval Quotations'' (1966) by Robert Heinl, Jr. * Tristan is very idle. He confessed to the Emperor that he did not [[work]] every [[day]]. "Do you not eat every day?" said the Emperor to him; "Yes, Sire." "Well, then, you ought to work every day; no one should eat who does not work." "Oh! if that be the case, I will work every day," said the child, quickly. "Such is the influence of the [[w:Belly|belly]]," said the Emperor, tapping that of little Tristan. "It is [[hunger]] that makes the [[world]] move." ** As attributed in [[w:Emmanuel, comte de Las Cases|Count Emmanuel de Las Cases]], "Journal of the Private Life and Conversations of the Emperor Napoleon at Saint Helena", 1824. * There is no [[w:Subordination|subordination]] with empty [[w:Stomach|stomachs]]. ** As attributed in [[w:Emmanuel, comte de Las Cases|Count Emmanuel de Las Cases]], "Journal of the Private Life and Conversations of the Emperor Napoleon at Saint Helena", 1824. * Well then, I will tell you. [[Alexander the Great|Alexander]], [[Julius Caesar|Caesar]], [[Charlemagne]] and I myself have founded great empires; but upon what did these creations of our genius depend? Upon force. Jesus alone founded His empire upon love, and to this very day millions will die for Him. I think I understand something of human nature; and I tell you, all these were men, and I am a man: none else is like Him; Jesus Christ was more than a man. I have inspired multitudes with such an enthusiastic devotion that they would have died for me but to do this it was necessary that I should be visibly present with the electric influence of my looks, my words, of my voice. When I saw men and spoke to them, I lighted up the flame of self-devotion in their hearts. Christ alone has succeeded in so raising the mind of man toward the unseen, that it becomes insensible to the barriers of time and space. Across a chasm of eighteen hundred years, Jesus Christ makes a demand which is beyond all others difficult to satisfy; He asks for that which a [[Philosophy|philosopher]] may often seek in vain at the hands of his friends, or a father of his children, or a bride of her spouse, or a man of his brother. He asks for the human heart; He will have it entirely to Himself. He demands it unconditionally; and forthwith His demand is granted. Wonderful! In defiance of time and space, the soul of man, with all its powers and faculties, becomes an annexation to the [[Christendom|empire of Christ]]. All who sincerely believe in Him, experience that remarkable, supernatural love toward Him. This phenomenon is unaccountable; it is altogether beyond the scope of man's creative powers. Time, the great destroyer, is powerless to extinguish this sacred flame; time can neither exhaust its strength nor put a limit to its range. This is it, which strikes me most; I have often thought of it. This it is which proves to me quite convincingly the Divinity of Jesus Christ. ** In a statement about Jesus Christ. While exiled on the rock of St. Helena, Napoleon called Count Montholon to his side and asked him, "Can you tell me who Jesus Christ was?" Upon the Count declining to respond Napoleon countered. Ravi Zacharias, [http://books.google.com/books?id=jSI9HnMHdPsC&pg=PA149&lpg=PA149&dq=napoleon+jesus+among+gods&source=bl&ots=CdsDSjamnm&sig=K3l7Ek972r7pyEFT681lbf3PVSQ&hl=en&sa=X&ei=nBqhUf3RL4au9AS37ICwCQ&ved=0CBYQ6AEwAA ''Jesus Among Other Gods''], p. 149, in [[Henry Parry Liddon]] (1868) The Divinity of Our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ; Eight Lectures. New edition.[https://books.google.com/books?id=IcINAAAAYAAJ&pg=PA148&dq#v=onepage&q&f=false] pp. 147-148, and in [[Henry Parry Liddon]] (1869) The Divinity of Our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ; Eight Lectures. Fourth edition. [https://ia800203.us.archive.org/15/items/divinityofourlord00libbrich/divinityofourlord00libbrich.pdf] pp. 147-148. * ‘Do you know,’ Napoleon once said to Fontanes, ‘what fills me most with wonder? The powerlessness of force to establish anything. There are only two powers in the world: the sword and the mind. In the end, the sword is always conquered by the mind.’ ** [[Albert Camus]], ''Lyrical and Critical'' (London: Hamish Hamilton, 1967), essays selected and translated from the French by Philip Thody, p. 104 [https://archive.org/details/lyricalcritical0000camu/page/104/mode/2up?view=theater] {{Misattributed begin}} == Misattributed == * Able was I ere I saw Elba. :* Credited to "J.T.R." of Baltimore, 1848<ref>The Golden Rule and Gazette Of The Union, Saturday July 8 1848, page 30, article titled "Ingenious arrangement of words"; https://www.google.co.uk/books/edition/The_Golden_Rule_and_Odd_fellows_Family_C/hEg2AQAAMAAJ?hl=en&gbpv=1&dq=able%20was%20i%20ere%20i%20saw%20elba </ref> :* Of such attributions to Napoleon, there is little credence, as stated by William Irvine in ''Madam I'm Adam and Other Palindromes'' (1987): "The well-known ABLE WAS I, ERE I SAW ELBA, for example, is conveniently attributed to Napoleon, whose knowledge of English wordplay was certainly questionable, at best." There is no mention of such a palindrome in O'Meara's own work, ''Napoleon in Exile : or, A Voice from St. Helena'' (1822). * An army of sheep, led by a lion, is better than an army of lions, led by a sheep. ** Attributed to Napoleon in ''Napoleon'' (1941) by [[w:Yevgeny Tarle|Yevgeny Tarle]], this is a variant of an ancient proverb often attributed to many military and political figures, including [[Alexander the Great]], and the even earlier figure [[w:Chabrias|Chabrias (Χαβρίας)]]. * Give them a whiff of [[w:Grapeshot|grapeshot]]. ** This is often quoted as a command Napoleon issued when dispersing mobs marching on the National Assembly in Paris (5 October 1795), or it is occasionally stated that he boasted "I gave them a whiff of grapeshot" sometime afterwards, but the first known use of the term "whiff of grapeshot" is actually by [[Thomas Carlyle]] in his work ''The French Revolution'' (1837), describing the use of cannon salvo [''salve de canons''] against crowds, and not even the use of them by Napoleon. * A constitution should be short and obscure. ** Quoted in ''The Life of Napoleon I'' by John Holland Rose as an exchange between [[w:Pierre Louis Roederer|Roederer]] and [[w:Talleyrand|Talleyrand]] *** Roederer tells us ("Œuvres," vol. iii., p. 428) that he had drawn up two plans of a constitution for the Cisalpine; the one very short and leaving much to the President, the other precise and detailed. He told Talleyrand to advise Bonaparte to adopt the former as it was "''short and''" — he was about to add "''clear''" when the diplomatist cut him short with the words, "''Yes: short and obscure!''" * Never ascribe to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity. ** Often known as [[w:Hanlon's razor|Hanlon's razor]], this was attributed to Napoleon without source in ''Message Passing Server Internals'' (2003) by Bill Blunden, p. 15, <small> {{ISBN|0071416382}} </small> * Religious wars are basically people killing each other over who has the better imaginary friend. ** There is no known basis to attribute this saying to Napoleon. It is found (unattributed) in a [https://groups.google.com/forum/message/raw?msg=soc.penpals/QIUrpkacWyE/FbCj7pij5WwJ Usenet post from July 1999]. {{Misattributed end}} == Quotes about Napoleon == [[File:François Gérard - Napoleon I 001.JPG|thumb|right|[[George Washington|Washington]] and Bonaparte emerged from the womb of democracy: both of them born to liberty, the former remained faithful to her, the latter betrayed her. ~ [[François-René de Chateaubriand]] ]] [[File:Napoleon friedland.jpg|thumb|right|I used to say of him that his presence on the field made the difference of forty thousand men. ~ [[Arthur Wellesley, 1st Duke of Wellington]] ]] [[File:Generale Bonaparte in Italia.jpg|thumb|right|Napoleon, far more Italian than French, Italian by race, by instinct, imagination, and souvenir, considers in his plan the future of Italy, and, on casting up the final accounts of his reign, we find that the net profit is for Italy and the net loss is for France. ~[[Hippolyte Taine]]]] :<small>Arranged alphabetically by author</small> *His views on politics and society, owing much to [[Jean-Jacques Rousseau|Rousseau]]'s ''[[The Social Contract|Du Contrat Social]]'', display Buonaparte the egotist and Buonaparte the mathematician-engineer in uneasy collaboration. For society is conceived as of one great machine, constructed according to correct calculations which in turn are based on the right data. There is little sense of free association between individuals or groups, little sense of any natural community larger than the Corsican-style family or clan; no sense of organic social growth. Instead there are the competing egotisms of individuals, bridled or organized by the higher egotism of the State, whose will impels and directs the whole national apparatus. Buonaparte's ideal State enjoyed this untrammelled power because it was the organ of the people's will. Naïvely he believed that only hereditary monarchies could be tyrants. He scorned the ''[[w:Ancien régime|ancien régime]]'' in France, with its agglomeration of different societies, partly regional, partly aristocratic, guild or religious; this is what constitutes the "privilege" which he and other progressives wished to sweep away. Buonaparte's chief complaint against the [[Catholic Church]], for instance, lay in the very fact that it was independent of the State... Buonaparte's political ideas thus point straight towards the tyranny of the [[w:French Consulate|Consulate]] and the [[w:First French Empire|Empire]]; indeed towards every modern tyranny where the State bosses the entire life of the people in the people's name. **[[Correlli Barnett]], ''Bonaparte'' (1978), pp. 23-24 *Bonaparte busied himself with extinguishing what yet remained of the [[freedom of expression]] won during the [[French Revolution|Revolution]] and with crushing what yet remained of organized opposition, whether royalist, [[w:Jacobin (politics)|Jacobin]] or merely intellectual. On 17 January 1800 he shut down sixty out of seventy-three existing newspapers; by the end of 1800 only nine remained, and those under strict [[censorship]]. The theatre was censored from April 1800. With his excessive sensitivity to personal criticism and ridicule, Bonaparte took a direct interest in this censorship... In July 1803 he ordered that bookshops be prohibited from placing new works on sale until seven days after a copy had been submitted to the censor "so that, as soon as there is an undesirable work, it can be stopped."<br>The systematic opening of private correspondence, the ubiquitous police spy, and [[w:Internment|imprisonment without trial]] completed Bonaparte's practical interpretation of the "sacred right" of liberty guaranteed by the Constitution. **[[Correlli Barnett]], ''Bonaparte'' (1978), pp. 84-85 *That contempt of humanity, that misprision of the opinion of others, that Caesarean pride, that insensitive heart and that profound moral indifference, these characteristics which distinguished Napoleon were not those of a Frenchman. **[[w:fr:Jules Barni|Jules Barni]], ''Napoléon premier et son historien M. Thiers'' (1869), quoted in Pieter Geyl, ''Napoleon For and Against'' (1949), p. 76 * In France Napoleon tamed the revolution and put it into the imperial straitjacket (and, in so doing, perhaps did more than the revolution itself to make a Bourbon restoration permanently impossible); beyond the borders of France he was the missionary and disseminator of the ideas of the revolution. Hence, as the Napoleonic legend grew through the succeeding century, the literary champions of Napoleon in France tended to be men of the Right, whereas outside France it was generally the [[Left-wing politics|Left]] which made him its idol-a perfectly natural phenomenon which Mr. Taylor needlessly attributes to the perversity of the English Left. This ambiguous role is the common destiny of heirs of revolutions, whose business it is to consolidate and stabilize the achievements of the revolution at home and capitalize them abroad. ** [[E. H. Carr]], "From Napoleon to Stalin" (1950) *One asks oneself by what sleight of hand Bonaparte, who was so much the aristocrat, who hated the people so cordially, has been able to obtain the popularity which he enjoys. For there is no gainsaying the fact that this subjugator has remained popular with a nation which once made it a point of honour to raise altars to independence and equality. Here is the solution.<br>It is a matter of daily observation that the Frenchman's instinct is to strive after power; he cares not for liberty; equality is his idol. Now there is a hidden connection between equality and despotism. In both these respects Napoleon had a pull over the hearts of the French, who have a military liking for power and are democratically fond of seeing everything levelled. When he mounted the throne, he took the people with him. A proletarian king, he humiliated kings and noblemen in his anterooms. He levelled the ranks, not down but up. To have dragged them down to plebeian depths would have flattered the envy of the lowest; the higher level was more pleasing to their pride. French vanity, too, enjoyed the superiority which Bonaparte gave us over the rest of Europe. Another cause of Napoleon's popularity is the affliction of his latter days. After his death, as his sufferings on St. Helena became better known, people's hearts began to soften; his tyranny was forgotten; it was remembered how, having vanquished our enemies and subsequently having brought them into France, he defended our soil against them; we fancy that if he were alive today he would save us from the ignominy in which we are living. His misfortunes have revived his name among us, his glory has fed on his wretchedness.<br>The miracles wrought by his arms have bewitched our youth, and have taught us to worship brute force. The most insolent ambition is spurred on by his unique career to aspire to the heights which he attained. **[[François-René de Chateaubriand]], ''[[w:Mémoires d'Outre-Tombe|Mémoires d'Outre-Tombe: Tome Quatrième]]'' (1849), p. 57, quoted in Pieter Geyl, ''Napoleon For and Against'' (1949), pp. 28-29 * '''Bonaparte robs a nation of its independence: deposed as emperor, he is sent into exile, where the world's anxiety still does not think him safely enough imprisoned, guarded by the [[Atlantic Ocean|Ocean]].''' He dies: the news proclaimed on the door of the palace in front of which the conqueror had announced so many funerals, neither detains nor astonishes the passer-by: what have the [[Citizenship|citizens]] to mourn? <br> [[George Washington|Washington]]'s [[United States|Republic]] lives on; Bonaparte's empire is destroyed. '''Washington and Bonaparte emerged from the womb of democracy: both of them born to liberty, the former remained faithful to her, the latter betrayed her.''' ** [[François-René de Chateaubriand]], in ''[[w:Mémoires d'Outre-Tombe|Mémoires d'outre-tombe]]'' (1848 – 1850), Book VI, Ch. 8 : Comparison of Washington and Bonaparte * The Emperor is mad, completely mad, and will destroy us all; this will all end in some horrible crash. **[[w:Denis Decrès|Denis Decrès]], quoted in Theodore Ayrault Dodge, ''Napoleon: A History of the Art of War, from the Beginning of the Peninsular War to the End of the Russian Campaign, with a Detailed Account of the Napoleonic Wars, Volume III'' (1907), p. 427 * Sire, sleep in peace; from the tomb itself you labor continually for France. At every danger to the country, our flags quiver at the passage of the [[Eagles|Eagle]]. If our legions have returned victorious through the triumphal arch which you built, it is because the sword of Austerlitz marked out their direction, showing how to unite and lead the army that, won the victory. Your masterly lessons, your determined labors, remain indefeasible examples. In studying them and meditating on them the art of war grows daily greater. It is only in the reverently and thoughtfully gathered rays of your immortal glory that generations of the distant future shall succeed in grasping the science of combat and the management of armies for the sacred cause of the defense of the country. ** [[Ferdinand Foch]], Elegy at the Tomb of Napoleon, as quoted in ''The World's Greatest Speeches'' (1999), p. 209 * I never admired the character of the first Napoleon; but I recognize his great genius. His work, too, has left its impress for good on the face of Europe. The third Napoleon could have no claim to having done a good or just act. ** [[Ulysses S. Grant]], [https://www.gutenberg.org/files/4367/4367-h/4367-h.htm ''Personal Memoirs of U. S. Grant''] (1885), emphasis added * '''I don't know why, but the little bastard scares me.''' ** [http://www.laura-harrington.com/index4.html Laura Harrington], in ''[https://pilgrimtheatre.org/ slot gacor]'', portraying a comment by one of his generals when he showed up to command the army of Italy. * For the Napoleonic myth is based less on Napoleon’s merits than on the facts, then unique, of his career. The great known world-shakers of the past had begun as kings like Alexander or patricians like Julius Caesar; but Napoleon was the ‘little corporal’ who rose to rule a continent by sheer personal talent. (This was not strictly true, but his rise was sufficiently meteoric and high to make the description reasonable.) Every young intellectual who devoured books, as the young Bonaparte had done, wrote bad poems and novels, and adored Rousseau could henceforth see the sky as his limit, laurels surrounding his monogram. Every businessman henceforth had a name for his ambition: to be—the clichés themselves say so—a ‘Napoleon of finance’ or industry. All common men were thrilled by the sight, then unique, of a common man who became greater than those born to wear crowns. Napoleon gave ambition a personal name at the moment when the double revolution had opened the world to men of ambition. Yet he was more. He was the civilized man of the eighteenth century, rationalist, inquisitive, enlightened, but with sufficient of the disciple of Rousseau about him to be also the romantic man of the nineteenth. He was the man of the Revolution, and the man who brought stability. In a word, he was the figure every man who broke with tradition could identify himself with in his dreams.<br>For the French he was also something much simpler: the most successful ruler in their long history. He triumphed gloriously abroad; but at home he also established or re-established the apparatus of French institutions as they exist to this day. Admittedly most—perhaps all—his ideas were anticipated by Revolution and Directory; his personal contribution was to make them rather more [[Conservatism|conservative]], hierarchical and authoritarian. But his predecessors anticipated: he carried out. The great lucid monuments of French law, the Codes which became models for the entire non-[[Anglo-Saxons|Anglo-Saxon]] [[Bourgeoisie|bourgeois]] world, were Napoleonic. The [[hierarchy]] of officials, from the prefects down, of courts, of [[Universities|university]] and schools, was his. The great ‘careers’ of French public life, army, civil service, education, law still have their Napoleonic shapes. He brought stability and prosperity to all except the quarter-of-a-million Frenchmen who did not return from his wars; and even to their relatives he brought glory. No doubt the [[United Kingdom|British]] saw themselves fighting for [[liberty]] against [[tyranny]]; but in 1815 most [[Englishmen]] were probably poorer and worse off than they had been in 1800, while most Frenchmen were almost certainly better off; nor had any except the still negligible [[Wage slavery|wage-labourers]] lost the substantial economic benefits of the Revolution. There is little mystery about the persistence of Bonapartism as an ideology of non-political Frenchmen, especially the richer peasantry, after his fall. It took a second and smaller Napoleon to dissipate it between 1851 and 1870.<br>He had destroyed only one thing: the Jacobin Revolution, the dream of equality, liberty and fraternity, and of the people rising in its majesty to shake off oppression. It was a more powerful myth than his, for after his fall it was this, and not his memory, which inspired the revolutions of the nineteenth century, even in his own country. ** [[Eric Hobsbawm]], ''The Age of Revolution'' (1962), Chap. 3 : The French Revolution * He found his best satisfaction not in pleasure but in toil. He could live with little food, little sleep - and very little dalliance. The one thing he could ''not'' dispense with was work, and work in prodigious quantities. ** Tighe Hopkins in ''The Women Napoleon Loved'' *A little while ago, I stood by the grave of the old Napoleon, a magnificent tomb, and I gazed upon the sarcophagus of rare and nameless marble, where rest at last the ashes of that restless man. I leaned over the balustrade and thought about the career of the greatest soldier of the modern world. I saw him walking upon the banks of the Seine, contemplating suicide. I saw him at Toulon—I saw him putting down the mob in the streets of Paris—I saw him at the head of the army of Italy—I saw him crossing the bridge of Lodi with the tri-color in his hand—I saw him in Egypt in the shadows of the pyramids—I saw him conquer the Alps and mingle the eagles of France with the eagles of the crags. I saw him at Marengo—at Ulm and Austerlitz. I saw him in Russia, where the infantry of the snow and the cavalry of the wild blast scattered his legions like winter's withered leaves. I saw him at Leipsic in defeat and disaster—driven by a million bayonets back upon Paris—clutched like a wild beast—banished to Elba. I saw him escape and retake an empire by the force of his genius. I saw him upon the frightful field of Waterloo, where [[Chance]] and [[Fate]] combined to wreck the fortunes of their former king. And I saw him at St. Helena, with his hands crossed behind him, gazing out upon the sad and solemn sea. I thought of the orphans and widows he had made—of the tears that had been shed for his glory, and of the only woman who ever loved him, pushed from his heart by the cold hand of ambition. And I said I would rather have been a French peasant and worn wooden shoes. I would rather have lived in a hut with a vine growing over the door, and the grapes growing purple in the kisses of the autumn sun. I would rather have been that poor peasant with my loving wife by my side, knitting as the day died out of the sky—with my children upon my knees and their arms about me—I would rather have been that man and gone down to the tongueless silence of the dreamless dust, than to have been that imperial impersonation of force and murder, known as 'Napoleon the Great'. **[[Robert G. Ingersoll]], The Liberty of Man, Woman and Child * The genius continually discovers fate, and the more profound the genius, the more profound the discovery of fate. To spiritlessness, this is naturally foolishness, but in actuality it is greatness, because no man is born with the idea of providence, and those who think that one acquires it gradually though education are greatly mistaken, although I do not thereby deny the significance of education. Not until sin is reached is providence posited. Therefore the genius has an enormous struggle to reach providence. If he does not reach it, truly he becomes a subject for the study of fate. The genius is an omnipotent ''Ansich'' [in itself] which as such would rock the whole world. For the sake of order, another figure appears along with him, namely fate. [[w:Fate|Fate]] is [[w:Nothing|nothing]]. It is the genius himself who discovers it, and the more profound the genius, the more profoundly he discovers fate, because that figure is merely the anticipation of providence. If he continues to be merely a genius and turns outward, he will accomplish astonishing things; nevertheless, he will always succumb to fate, if not outwardly, so that it is tangible and visible to all, then inwardly. Therefore, a genius-existence is always like a fairy tale if in the deepest sense the genius does not turn inward into himself. The genius is able to do all things, and yet he is dependent upon an insignificance that no one comprehends, an insignificance upon which the genius himself by his omnipotence bestows omnipotent significance. Therefore, a [[w:Napoleon I|second lieutenant]], if he is a genius, is able to become an emperor and change the world, so that there becomes one empire and one emperor. But therefore, too, the army may be drawn up for battle, the conditions for the battle absolutely favorable, and yet in the next moment wasted; a kingdom of heroes may plead that the order for battle be given-but he cannot; he must wait for the fourteenth of June. And why? Because that was the date of the [[w:Battle of Marengo|battle of Marengo]]. So all things may be in readiness, he himself stands before the legions, waiting only for the sun to rise in order to announce the time for the oration that will electrify the soldiers, and the sun may rise more glorious than ever, an inspiring and inflaming sight for all, only not for him, because the sun did not rise as glorious as this at [[w:Battle of Austerlitz|Austerlitz]], and only the sun of Austerlitz gives victory and inspiration. Thus, the inexplicable passion with which such a one may often rage against an entirely insignificant man, when otherwise he may show humanity and kindness even toward his enemies. Yes, woe unto the man, woe unto the woman, woe unto the innocent child, woe unto the beast of the field, woe unto the bird whose flight, woe unto the tree whose branch comes in his way at the moment he is to interpret his omen. ** [[Søren Kierkegaard]], ''The Concept of Anxiety'', Nichol p. 98-100 (1844) * He was the God of War. ** [[Theodoros Kolokotronis]], ''Kolokotronis Memoirs'' by Georgios Tertsetis *Do not think that he will restore [[Poland]]: he thinks only of himself. He hates every great nationality and still more the spirit of independence. He is a tyrant, and his only aim is to satisfy his own ambition. I am sure he will create nothing durable. **[[Tadeusz Kościuszko]], quoted in J. Holland Rose, 'Napoleon and Poland', in W. F. Reddaway, J. H. Penson, O. Halecksi and R. Dyboski (eds.), ''The Cambridge History of Poland: From Augustus II to Pilsudski (1697–1935)'' (1941), pp. 212-213 *If there is one characteristic and striking trait in the innumerable conversations noted down by those who could approach him most intimately, it is the absence of all unforced utterances. He is always seen concerned, either to gauge the intentions of the other person, or to make an impression on his mind so as to lead him towards a certain conclusion; it would be trouble wasted to look for a moment of abandon, of enthusiasm, of sincere outpouring, be it about himself or others. Even when he allows himself to be carried away in these coquetries of cat-like grace, the charm of which contemporaries have so repeatedly described, he does not lose sight of the effect that he is aiming at; even his rash words are calculated. He is impenetrable to those near to him as well as to strangers. It would even be impossible to point out, in the whole of his life, a single one of those sayings of philosophic self-mockery which delight us in [[Julius Caesar|Caesar]] or in [[Frederick II of Prussia|Frederick]], because they show us the man rising above his role, commenting on himself with a judgment unclouded by his own success... Napoleon is always on the stage, always concerned about the impression he is making... He is lacking in that final human greatness which consists in estimating one's self at its true value, and as a result of his incurable self-conceit he remains on the level of small minds. **[[w:Pierre Lanfrey|Pierre Lanfrey]], ''Histoire de Napoléon'', Vol. II (1867), pp. 336 sqq., quoted in Pieter Geyl, ''Napoleon For and Against'' (1949), p. 87 *What! Will you submit to give your country a master taken from a race, of origin so ignominious that the Romans disdained to employ them as slaves? **[[w:Jean-Denis Lanjuinais|Jean-Denis Lanjuinais]], speech to the senate after Napoleon became Emperor (1804), quoted in Hewson Clarke, ''An Impartial History of the Naval, Military and Political Events in Europe from the Commencement of the French Revolution to the Entrance of the Allies Into Paris and the Conclusion of a General Peace, Including a Copious & Original Narrative of the Origin & Progress of that Revolution, Biographical Memoirs of Buonaparte & Other Principal Persons, Together with a Comprehensive Account of the Transactions in America & the East & West Indies, Embellished with Fine Engravings'' (1815), pp. 1116-1117 *I have always been the victim of my attachment to him. He only loves you by fits and starts, that is, when he has need of you. **[[w:Jean Lannes|Jean Lannes]], statement during the [[w:Siege of Danzig (1807)|Siege of Danzig]] (March 1807), quoted in John Holland Rose, ''The Life of Napoleon I, Vol. II'' (1902), p. 193 * A dîner, il nous disait qu'il se trouvait beaucoup mieux, et nous lui avons fait observer, à ce sujet, que, depuis quelque temps néanmoins, il ne sortait plus, et travaillat huit, dix, douze heures par jour.<br>«C'est cela même,» disait-il: «le travail est mon élément; je suis né et construit pour le travail. J'ai connu les limites de mes jambes, j'ai connu les limites de mes yeux; je n'ai jamais pu connaître celles de mon travail.» ** At dinner, he told us that he was much better, and we pointed out to him, about this, that, for some time however, he had not been out, and had been working eight, ten, or twelve hours a day. "That is just it," said he: "work is my element; I was born and made for it. I have found the limits of my legs; I have found the limits of my eyes; but I have never been able to find the limits of my labour." ***[[w:Emmanuel, comte de Las Cases|Emmanuel, comte de Las Cases]], ''[[w:The Memorial of Saint Helena|Mémorial de Sainte Hélène]]'', Volume 6, [https://play.google.com/books/reader?id=qSliAAAAcAAJ&printsec=frontcover&output=reader&hl=en&pg=GBS.PA272 p. 272] * Although Napoleon's individual ambitions were not realised, his actions have nevertheless left the deepest impress on society. In France, the new state had not yet taken definite shape, and it was Napoleon who gave it an administrative framework that bore the marks of a master hand. The Revolution of 1789 had thrust the middle classes forward into power, but this power had then been disputed by a rising democracy. Under the protection of the emperor, the notables succeeded in recovering it, and grew in wealth and influence. Once they had got rid of the menace of the common people, they were prepared to govern and to restore liberalism. In Europe, the spread of French ideas, the influence of England, the advance of capitalism and the consequent rise of the middle classes, all tended in the same direction and resulted in a marked speeding up of evolution and the introduction of the modern order. The expansion of culture, the proclamation of the sovereignty of the people and the spread of Romanticism foreshadowed the awakening of nationalism, and Napoleon’s territorial rearrangements and reforms encouraged these trends. Capitalism was taking root in the West, and the blockade provided protection for its early stages. Romanticism had long been fermenting in Europe, and Napoleon provided its poets with the perfect hero. But though Napoleon’s influence was considerable, this was only in so far as it followed the currents that were already carrying European civilisation along with them. If historical determinism is to be brought into the picture, this is where its effects may be observed. ** [[w:Georges Lefebvre|Georges Lefebvre]], ''Napoléon'' (1935) * But [[Henry Temple, 3rd Viscount Palmerston|Palmerston]] likes to put his foot on their necks! Now, no statesman must triumph over an enemy that is not quite dead, because people forget a real loss, a real misfortune, but they won’t forget an insult. Napoleon made great mistakes that way; he hated Prussia, insulted it on all occasions, but still left it alive. The consequence was that in 1813 they rose to a man in Prussia, even children and women took arms, because they had been treated with contempt and insulted. ** [https://rc.library.uta.edu/uta-ir/bitstream/handle/10106/382/umi-uta-1517.pdf?sequence=1&isAllowed=y Early Belgian colonial Efforts: The long and fateful shadow of Leopold I] King [[Leopold I of Belgium]] in a letter to Palmerston. After both Victoria and Palmerston agreed and united against Leopold in forcing him to accept the treaty with Holland, thus settling for less than he and the Belgian people had hoped for after the revolution of 1830. *At the battle of Waterloo, when Napoleon's cavalry had charged again and again upon the unbroken squares of British infantry, at last they were giving up the attempt, and going off in disorder, when some of the officers in mere vexation and complete despair fired their pistols at those solid squares. ** [[Abraham Lincoln]], [https://archive.is/oYxvX Speech at New Haven, Connecticut] (6 March 1860) *The spirit which had produced [[French Revolution|the revolution]], which had changed the whole constitution of society in France, and had given battle to all the monarchies of Europe, was not wholly extinct; and, as the calamities of anarchy faded from the remembrance of the people, would probably become stronger and stronger. To destroy it utterly, to prevent it from ever reviving, to turn the minds of men into a course different from that in which they had moved during the greater part of the eighteenth century, was the chief object of the policy of Napoleon. He is said to have observed that nobody could conceive the difficulties of governing a people who read [[The Social Contract|the social contract]] and [[The Spirit of the Laws|the spirit of the laws]]. His whole conduct showed that he was possessed by an ambition at once the meanest and the most gigantic that ever entered into any heart. Too selfish to govern in conformity with the [[Liberalism|liberal]] principles of the age, he attempted to compress the spirit of the age into conformity with his maxims of government. Political science was to be forced backwards. The public mind of Europe was to sink into second childhood, lest the depraved ambition of one man should encounter a single obstacle. **[[Thomas Babington Macaulay]], ''Napoleon and the Restoration of the Bourbons: The Completed Portion of Macaulay's Projected "History of France from the Restoration of the Bourbons to the Accession of Louis Philippe"'', ed. Joseph Hamburger (1977), p. 56 *The press was placed under the most severe and watchful restraint. The jealously of the emperor was not confined to the writings of the living, but extended to works which had long been classical. [[Louis XIV of France|Louis the Fourteenth]], though a despot and a conqueror, had listened with respect to the noble discourse in which the eloquence of [[Jean Baptiste Massillon|Massillon]] exposed the folly and wickedness of ambition. Bonaparte dreaded the effect which those sermons might produce on a people exhausted by taxes and conscriptions. Louis the Fourteenth, superstitious as he was, defended the [[Tartuffe]] of [[Molière]] against the hypocrites and bigots of his court. Bonaparte expressed his regret that such a piece should be in possession of the stage, and declared that, if it had been new, he would not have suffered it to be performed. Coming after a revolution produced by the force of public opinion, he was more competent than any of his predecessors to estimate that force, and was more solicitous than any of them to guard against it... Every writer of every age who had set forth the evils of despotism he regarded as his personal enemy. He spoke with bitterness of the masterly portraits of [[Tacitus]], of those lessons of benevolence which are conveyed in the sweet and glowing language of [[François Fénelon|Fénélon]], and of those bold attacks on political and social abuses which form the redeeming part of the writings of [[Voltaire]]. He hated [[Anne Louise Germaine de Staël|madame de Staël]], and persecuted her with unmanly cruelty. Other despots were content to prescribe to their subjects what they should not write; the French emperor dictated almost the whole literature of France: he made it a crime not to flatter him. **[[Thomas Babington Macaulay]], ''Napoleon and the Restoration of the Bourbons: The Completed Portion of Macaulay's Projected "History of France from the Restoration of the Bourbons to the Accession of Louis Philippe"'', ed. Joseph Hamburger (1977), pp. 56-67 *If the plans of Napoleon had succeeded, if he had been able to humble Russia, to drive the English from [[Spain]], to keep down the whole continent by military force, if his life had been prolonged to the full age of man, and if his power had lasted as long as his life, it is scarcely possible to estimate the amount of evil which he would have produced. He would have renewed, perhaps for centuries, the expiring lease of tyranny... The insolence of office would have succeeded to the insolence of birth. The old aristocracy would have fallen, only that a new aristocracy, of the basest and most pernicious kind, might rise in its stead; an aristocracy of placemen, oppressing the people, and oppressed by each other. A new generation would have grown up skilfully trained and broken in to slavery, – a generation which would have derived all its political notions from books mutilated by censors, and conversations watched by spies. The government would have been like that of the [[Byzantine Empire|Byzantine empire]], or that of [[China]], – a vast official hierarchy, rising by numerous gradations, with an oppressed people beneath and a solitary tyrant at the summit; and the human intellect would have languished as it languished under the emperors of the east, and as it has for ages languished in China. **[[Thomas Babington Macaulay]], ''Napoleon and the Restoration of the Bourbons: The Completed Portion of Macaulay's Projected "History of France from the Restoration of the Bourbons to the Accession of Louis Philippe"'', ed. Joseph Hamburger (1977), p. 60 * After the first Revolution had transformed the semi-feudal peasants into freeholders, Napoleon confirmed and regulated the conditions in which they could exploit undisturbed the soil of France which they had only just acquired, and could slake their youthful passion for property. But what is now ruining the French peasant is his small holding itself, the division of the land and the soil, the property form which Napoleon consolidated in France. It is exactly these material conditions which made the feudal peasant a small-holding peasant and Napoleon an emperor. Two generations sufficed to produce the unavoidable result: progressive deterioration of agriculture and progressive indebtedness of the agriculturist. The “Napoleonic” property form, which at the beginning of the nineteenth century was the condition of the emancipation and enrichment of the French countryfolk, has developed in the course of this century into the law of their enslavement and their pauperism. And just this law is the first of the “Napoleonic ideas” which the second Bonaparte has to uphold. If he still shares with the peasants the illusion that the cause of their ruin is to be sought not in the small holdings themselves but outside them – in the influence of secondary circumstances – his experiments will shatter like soap bubbles when they come in contact with the relations of production. ** [[Karl Marx]], ''The Eighteenth Brumaire of Louis Bonaparte'' *[I]t was not until he left the military school that he gave himself up with ardour to study. He has often told me that since that date he has constantly worked sixteen hours a day. Nevertheless he already had within him the germs of the qualities which were brought out by education, and which, under the influence of events, developed to the highest degree. These dominating qualities were pride, and a sentiment of his dignity, a warlike instinct, a genius for form, the love of order and of discipline. **[[w:Claude-François de Méneval|Claude-François de Méneval]], ''Memoirs to Serve for the History of Napoleon I from 1802 to 1815, Vol. I'', translated by Robert H. Sherard (1894), p. 107 * Like a final signpost to other ways, there appeared Napoleon, the most unique and violent anachronism that ever existed, and in him the incarnate problem of the aristocratic ideal in itself—consider well what a problem it is:—Napoleon, that synthesis of Monster and Superman. ** [[Friedrich Nietzsche]], ''On the Genealogy of Morals'' * "'''What do you think'''," said he, "'''of all things in the world would give me the greatest pleasure?'''" I was on the point of replying, removal from St. Helena, when he said, "'''To be able to go about ''incognito'' in London and other parts of England, to the ''restaurateurs'', with a friend, to dine in public at the expense of half a guinea or a guinea, and listen to the conversation of the company'''; to go through them all, changing almost daily, and in this manner, with my own ears, to hear the people express their sentiments, in their unguarded moments, freely and without restraint; to hear their real opinion of myself, and of the surprising occurrences of the last twenty years." I observed, that he would hear much evil and much good of himself. "Oh, as to the evil," replied he, "I care not about that. I am well used to it. Besides, I know that the public opinion will be changed. The nation will be just as much disgusted at the libels published against me, as they formerly were greedy in reading and believing them. This," added he, "and the education of my son, would form my greatest pleasure. It was my intention to have done this, had I reached America. '''The happiest days of my life were from sixteen to twenty, during the ''semestres'', when I used to go about, as I have told you I should wish to do, from one ''restaurateur'' to another, living moderately, and having a lodging for which I paid three louis a month. They were the happiest days of my life. I was always so much occupied, that I may say I never was truly happy upon the throne.'''" ** [[w:Barry Edward O'Meara|Barry Edward O'Meara]], in ''Napoleon in Exile : or, A Voice from St. Helena'' (1822), Vol. II, p. 155 *The completest charlatan that ever existed. **[[Thomas Paine]], as quoted in [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:BookSources/0-670-03788-5 ''Thomas Paine''], by Craig Nelson, p. 299. * Bonaparte was a man of iron energy and was remorseless in the pursuit of his goal. But in those days there were not a few energetic, talented, and ambitious egoists besides him. The place Bonaparte succeeded in occupying would not have remained vacant. **Georgy Plekhanov, ''The Fundamentals of Marxism'' *As long as there had been a civilian government, and a constitution, and a republic, there were at least the roots from which liberty might still spring, to blossom once more; now there came, with the sword, a regime on principle opposed to liberty. **[[Edgar Quinet]], ''La Révolution'' (1865), quoted in Pieter Geyl, ''Napoleon For and Against'' (1949), p. 78 *The ideal of Napoleon was the Empire of [[Constantine the Great|Constantine]], and of [[Theodosius I|Theodosius]]. He inherited this tradition as did all the Italian [[w:Guelphs and Ghibellines|Ghibellines]], from his ancestors... Instead of assisting the liberation of the individual conscience, he always postulated a Pope, of whom he would be the Emperor and master. It is a conception which takes its origins from the idea of the Ghibellines and the medieval commentators. When he dreams of the future it is always of the submissive world of a [[Justinian I|Justinian]] or a Theodosius, as imagined by the medieval imperialist thinkers. In the midst of such concepts modern freedom seemed an anachronism; worse, to him it could appear only as the people's whim, as a snare for his power. **[[Edgar Quinet]], ''La Révolution'' (1865), quoted in Pieter Geyl, ''Napoleon For and Against'' (1949), pp. 83-84 * Messieurs, nous avons un maître, ce jeune homme fait tout, peut tout, et veut tout. ** Translation: ''Gentlemen, we have a master; this young man does everything, can do everything and will do everything''. ** [[Emmanuel-Joseph Sieyès]], reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), "Character", p. 105 *From the early days of the [[French Revolution]] political prophets had been foretelling that this revolution would find its embodiment in a man, who, through it, would subdue France and govern her with a power greater than that which had been [[Louis XIV of France|Louis XIV]]'s. Bonaparte saw it, as it had been divined by [[w:Honoré Gabriel Riqueti, comte de Mirabeau|Mirabeau]] and [[Catherine II of Russia|Catherine]], but with his Roman vision of history he had a clearer conception of it than the others. He more particularly ''feels'' it, since this history, which is revealed to his intellect, lives in him and seems to be living for his sake. He does not analyse it, he finds no subtle delectation in it; he goes for it, clearing away one obstacle after another; he sets out for the Empire after the fashion of [[Christopher Columbus|Columbus]], who reached the new world while imagining that he was encircling the old. The others are fearing, expecting or blindly seeking the predicted and inevitable "Man". He knows him, for he will be that man. He reveals to himself his ambition, as his destiny finds its explanation in history. **[[w:Albert Sorel|Albert Sorel]], ''L'Europe at la Révolution Française. Cinquième Partie: Bonaparte et le Directoire 1795–1799'' (1903), pp. 179-180, quoted in Pieter Geyl, ''Napoleon For and Against'' (1949), p. 261 *[[w:Condottiero|Condottiere]] without manners, without fatherland, without morality, an oriental despot, a new [[Attila]], a warrior who knew only how to corrupt and annihilate. **[[Anne Louise Germaine de Staël|Madame de Staël]], quoted in Caroline Moorehead, ''Dancing to the Precipice: Lucie de la Tour Du Pin and the French Revolution'' (2010), p. 357 *'''Napoleon, far more Italian than French, Italian by race, by instinct, imagination, and souvenir, considers in his plan the future of Italy, and, on casting up the final accounts of his reign, we find that the net profit is for Italy and the net loss is for France.''' Since Theodoric and the Lombard kings, the Pope, in preserving his temporal sovereignty and spiritual omnipotence, has maintained the sub-divisions of Italy; let this obstacle be removed and Italy will once more become a nation. Napoleon prepares the way, and constitutes it beforehand by restoring the Pope to his primitive condition, by withdrawing from him his temporal sovereignty and limiting his spiritual omnipotence, by reducing him to the position of managing director of Catholic consciences and head minister of the principal cult authorized in the empire. **[[Hippolyte Taine]] in Napoleon's views on religion. <ref>[https://archive.org/stream/jstor-25102177/25102177_djvu.txt Archive]</ref> *That illustrious war chief became the pacifier of France: he restored the country's national cohesion; that is his glory, his incontestable glory, against which nothing will prevail. Could he have achieved through liberty that pacification which he accomplished by authority? Supposing that this great winner of victories had been able to triumph over himself, could he at least have granted to the French certain political rights, have allowed some control, have called the nation to exercise certain liberties, have prepared her for a more intimate knowledge of affairs, thus helping her on the way to a more normal destiny? Did such an attempt hold out any prospect of success, could it even be undertaken, on the morrow of unheard-of convulsions, at a time when the parties of violence were under control, rather than exterminated, when so few Frenchmen had acquired any feeling and any taste for legality; at a time especially when France, triumphant though she was, within her extended frontiers and in the wide development of her offensive and defensive fronts, nevertheless remained a vast fortress besieged by Europe? If Bonaparte in that crisis had made a beginning with the founding of liberty, he would have proved himself superior to his age, superior to himself. It is impossible to say whether the undertaking would have surpassed his genius; it was certainly above the reach of his character. But while not attempting ''this'', he devoted the respite left him by his truce with Europe to proceeding with his work of interior reconstruction and to reinfusing order and greatness into all parts of the Commonwealth. **[[w:Albert Vandal|Albert Vandal]], ''L'avènement de Bonaparte'' (1902), quoted in Pieter Geyl, ''Napoleon For and Against'' (1949), pp. 231-232 *A quarter of an hour later came Napoleon. I received him with Countess Tauenzien at the foot of the staircase. He is excessively ugly, with a flat, swollen, sallow face; he is very corpulent besides, short, and entirely without figure; his great round eyes roll gloomily about, the expression of his features is severe, he looks like the incarnation of fate. Only his mouth is well shaped, and his teeth are good also. **[[w:Sophie Marie von Voß|Sophie Marie von Voß]], diary entry on Napoleon's meeting with [[w:Louise of Mecklenburg-Strelitz|Queen Louise]] of Prussia at [[w:Treaties of Tilsit|Tilsit]] (6 July 1807), quoted in Sophie Marie Countess von Voss, ''Sixty-Nine Years at the Court of Prussia, Vol. II'', translated by Emily and Agnes Stephenson (1876), p. 109 * '''I used to say of him that his presence on the field made the difference of forty thousand men.''' ** [[Arthur Wellesley, 1st Duke of Wellington]], spoken statement (2 November 1831), as quoted in ''Notes of Conversations with the Duke of Wellington'' (1886) by [[w:Philip Stanhope, 5th Earl Stanhope|Philip Henry Stanhope]] * In early life he may have been a sincere republican; but he hated anarchy and disorder, and, before his campaign in Italy was over, he had begun to plan to make himself ruler of France. '''He worked systematically to transform the people's earlier ardor for liberty into a passion for military glory and plunder.''' ** [http://www.archive.org/search.php?query=creator%3A%22Willis%20Mason%20West%22 Willis Mason West] in [http://www.archive.org/details/storyworldprogr00westgoog ''The Story of World Progress'' (1922), p. 434] *That monster, choked out of hell, formed by [[w:Beelzebub|Beelzebub]], formed to be the scorching of the earth ** [[w:Frederick William II of Prussia|Frederick William II of Prussia]] ===''Le Moniteur Universel''=== * The cannibal has left his lair. ** ''Le Moniteur Universel'', March 9, 1815. * The Corsican ogre has just landed at the Juan Gulf. ** ''Le Moniteur Universel'', March 10, 1815. * The tiger has arrived at Gap. ** ''Le Moniteur Universel'', March 11, 1815. * The monster slept at Grenoble. ** ''Le Moniteur Universel'', March 12, 1815. * The tyrant has crossed Lyons. ** ''Le Moniteur Universel'', March 13, 1815. * The usurper was seen sixty leagues from the capital. ** ''Le Moniteur Universel'', March 18, 1815. * Bonaparte has advanced with great strides, but he will never enter Paris. ** ''Le Moniteur Universel'', March 19, 1815. * Tomorrow, Napoleon will be under our ramparts. ** ''Le Moniteur Universel'', March 20, 1815. * The Emperor has arrived at Fontainbleau. ** ''Le Moniteur Universel'', March 21, 1815. * His Imperial and Royal Majesty entered his palace at the Tuileries last night in the midst of his faithful subjects. ** ''Le Moniteur Universel'', March 22, 1815. == External links == {{wikipedia|Napoleon I of France}} {{wikisource author|Napoleon Bonaparte}} {{commons|Napoléon Bonaparte}} * [http://edu-archive.org/protect.php?url=http://www.pbs.org/empires/napoleon/home.html Napoleon] at PBS : a biography of Napoleon **{{gutenberg|no=3567|name=Memoirs of Napoleon}} **{{gutenberg|no=14300|name=The Life of Napoleon I}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Napoleon I of France}} [[Category:Military leaders from France]] [[Category:Monarchs from France]] [[Category:Academics from France]] [[Category:Emperors]] [[Category:1769 births]] [[Category:1821 deaths]] [[Category:Prisoners]] <!-- links de acesso rapido --> 6elofzzl3szron3aw9rygztllgm8mwb 3779046 3779045 2025-07-15T08:57:13Z Cagliost 3102 /* Napoleon : In His Own Words (1916) */ 3779046 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Jacques Louis David - Bonaparte franchissant le Grand Saint-Bernard, 20 mai 1800 - Google Art Project.jpg|thumb|right|The [[Truth|true]] [[character]] of [[man]] ever displays itself in [[great]] events.]] '''[[w:Napoleon I of France|Napoléon Bonaparte]]''' ([[15 August]] [[1769]] – [[5 May]] [[1821]]) was a [[France|French]] military general who rose dramatically up the ranks of the French Army during the [[French Revolution]], becoming the ruler of [[France]] as First Consul of the French Republic (11 November 1799 - 18 May 1804), and then Emperor of the French and King of Italy under the name '''Napoleon I''' (18 May 1804 - 6 April 1814, and again briefly from 20 March - 22 June 1815). He died in exile on the island of [[w:Saint Helena|Saint Helena]]. [[File:Jacques-Louis David 011.jpg|thumb|right|[[All|Everything]] tells me I shall succeed.]] [[File:Pierre-Paul Prud'hon 001.jpg|thumb|right|My waking [[thoughts]] are all of thee...]] [[File:Jacques-Louis David - The Emperor Napoleon in His Study at the Tuileries - Google Art Project 2.jpg|thumb|right|The barbarous [[custom]] of having men beaten who are suspected of having important [[secrets]] to reveal must be abolished.]] [[File:Napoleons retreat from moscow.jpg|thumb|right|From the sublime to the ridiculous is but a step.]] [[File:Ingres, Napoleon on his Imperial throne.jpg|thumb|right|What is a throne? — a bit of wood gilded and covered in velvet... I am the throne.]] [[File:Jean-Louis-Ernest Meissonier-Campagne de France.jpg|thumb|right|France is invaded; I am leaving to take command of my troops, and, with [[God]]'s help and their valor, I hope soon to drive the [[enemy]] beyond the frontier.]] [[File:Baron François Gérard - Joséphine in coronation costume - Google Art Project.jpg|thumb|right|I generally had to give in.]] [[File:DelarocheNapoleon.jpg|thumb|right|I never was truly my own master but was always ruled by circumstances.]] [[File:Rostock Bluecherdenkmal ohne Sockel 2011-02-12.jpg|thumb|right|Ordinary men died, men of iron were taken prisoner: I only brought back with me men of bronze.]] == Quotes == *You [[French people|Frenchmen]], not content with having robbed us of everything we held dear, have also corrupted our character. The actual condition of [[w:Corsica|my country]], and the impossibility of changing it, is another reason for escaping from an earth, where I am obliged to praise men from a sense of [[duty]], whom I must hate from a sense of virtue. When I arrive in my fatherland, what attitude am I to hold—what language am I to use? A good patriot ought to die when his fatherland has ceased to exist. If the deliverance of my fellow-countrymen depended upon the death of a single man, I would go immediately and plunge the sword which would avenge my country and its violated laws into the breast of tyrants. **'On Suicide' (May 1786), quoted in Oscar Browning, ''The Boyhood and Youth of Napoleon: Some Chapters on the Life of Bonaparte, 1769–1793'' (1906), p. 284 * '''Send me 300 francs; that sum will enable me to go to [[Paris]]. There, at least, one can cut a figure and surmount obstacles. Everything tells me I shall succeed. Will you prevent me from doing so for the want of 100 crowns?''' ** Letter to his uncle, [[w:Joseph Fesch|Joseph Fesch]] (June 1791), as quoted in ''A Selection from the Letters and Despatches of the First Napoleon. With Explanatory Notes'' (1884) edited by D. A. Bingham, Vol. I, p. 24 *Hand weapons were the main weapons of the ancients; it is with his short sword that the legionary conquered the world. It is with the Macedonian lance that [[Alexander the Great|Alexander]] conquered Asia. **Precis des Guerres Cesar Das Napoleon I * '''My waking [[thoughts]] are all of thee.''' Your portrait and the remembrance of last night's delirium have robbed my senses of repose. Sweet and incomparable Josephine, what an extraordinary influence you have over my heart. Are you vexed? Do I see you sad? Are you ill at ease? My soul is broken with grief, and there is no rest for your lover. ** Letter to [[w:Joséphine de Beauharnais|Joséphine de Beauharnais]] (February 1796), as translated in ''Napoleon's Letters to Josephine 1796-1812'' (1901) edited by Henry Foljambe Hall * '''[[All]] [[great]] events hang by a hair. The man of [[ability]] takes advantage of everything and neglects nothing that can give him a [[chance]] of [[success]]; whilst the less able man sometimes loses everything by neglecting a single one of those chances.''' ** Letter to Minister of Foreign Affairs, Passariano (26 September 1797), as quoted in ''Napoleon as a General'' (1902) by Maximilian Yorck von Wartenburg, p. 269 * '''From the heights of these [[pyramids]], forty centuries look down on us.''' ** Speech to his troops in Egypt (21 July 1798) Variant translation: "Soldiers, from the summit of yonder pyramids forty centuries look down upon you...". Published in the autobiography of French general [[w:Eugène de Beauharnais|Eugène de Beauharnais]]. * '''What I have done up to this is nothing. I am only at the beginning of the course I must run.''' Do you imagine that I triumph in [[Italy]] in order to aggrandise the pack of lawyers who form the Directory, and men like [[Lazare Carnot|Carnot]] and [[w:Paul François Jean Nicolas, vicomte de Barras|Barras]]? What an idea! ** As quoted in ''Memoirs of Count Miot de Melito'' (1788 - 1815) as translated by Frances Cashel Hoey and John Lillie (1881), Vol. II, p. 94 * '''I do not care to play the part of [[George Monck, 1st Duke of Albemarle|Monk]]; I will not play it myself, and I do not choose that others shall do so.''' But those Paris lawyers who have got into the Directory understand nothing of government. They are poor creatures. I am going to see what they want to do at Rastadt; but I doubt much that we shall understand each other, or long agree together. They are jealous of me, I know, and notwithstanding all their flattery, I am not their dupe; they fear more than they love me. They were in a great hurry to make me General of the army of [[England]], so that they might get me out of Italy, where I am the master, and am more of a sovereign than commander of an army. They will see how things go on when I am not there. I am leaving [[w:Louis Alexandre Berthier|Berthier]], but he is not fit for the chief command, and, I predict, will only make blunders. As for myself, my dear Miot, I may inform you, I can no longer obey; I have tasted command, and I cannot give it up. I have made up my mind, if I cannot be master I shall leave France; I do not choose to have done so much for her and then hand her over to lawyers. ** Conversation at Turin, as quoted in ''Memoirs of Count Miot de Melito'' (1788 - 1815) as translated by Frances Cashel Hoey and John Lillie (1881), Vol. II, p. 113 ** 'Monk' refers to [[w:George_Monck,_1st_Duke_of_Albemarle|George Monck]], military ruler of [[Puritanism|Puritan]] [[England]] after [[Oliver Cromwell|Cromwell]], who ultimately gave up power when he invited [[Charles II of England|Charles II]] in and enabled the [[w:English Restoration|English Restoration]] * I hope the [[time]] is not far off when I shall be able to unite all the wise and educated men of all the countries and establish a uniform regime based on the principles of the ''[[Quran]]'' which alone are true and which alone can lead men to [[happiness]]. ** Letter to Sheikh El-Messiri (28 August 1798); published in ''Correspondance Napoleon'' edited by Henri Plon (1861), Vol.4, No. 3148, p. 420 *The sanhedrin is at least useful to me.* * '''The barbarous custom of having men beaten who are suspected of having important [[secrets]] to reveal must be abolished. It has always been recognized that this way of interrogating men, by putting them to [[torture]], produces nothing worthwhile. The poor wretches say anything that comes into their [[mind]] and what they think the interrogator wishes to know.''' ** On the subject of torture, in a letter to [[w:Louis Alexandre Berthier|Louis Alexandre Berthier]] (11 November 1798), published in ''Correspendance Napoleon'' edited by Henri Plon (1861), Vol. V, No. 3605, p. 128 *Even in the midst of war I have never neglected the establishment of useful institutions and the promotion of peace and order at home. There still remains much to be done, and I certainly shall never rest from my labours. But is not military success still more necessary to dazzle or to content our people? Remember that a First Consul bears no resemblance to those [[King|Kings]] by the grace of God who look on their countries as their inherited property. Their authority is supported by [[Antiquity|ancient]] tradition. With us ancient tradition has fallen into contempt, and carries less than no weight. The French Government of to-day bears no sort of resemblance to that of the countries which surround us. Hated by its neighbours, obliged to deal at home with large classes of enemies, we have need to impose on our friends and foes by deeds of glory gained only by war. **Remarks to [[w:Antoine Claire Thibaudeau|Antoine Claire Thibaudeau]] during the [[w:Treaty of Amiens|Peace of Amiens]] (1802), quoted in Antoine Claire Thibaudeau, ''Bonaparte and the Consulate'', translated and edited by G. K. Fortescue (1908), pp. 119-120 * '''A form of [[government]] that is not the result of a long sequence of shared experiences, efforts, and endeavors can never take root.''' ** Statement (1803) as quoted in ''The Mind of Napoleon'' (1955) by J. Christopher Herold *Anarchy is the stepping stone to absolute power. **Napoleon Bonaparte, ''Napoleon's War Maxims: With His Social and Political Thoughts'' (1804-15), Gale & Polden, (1899) p. 148 *[[Commerce]] unites men and make them; therefore it is fatal to despotic power. **Napoleon Bonaparte, ''Napoleon's War Maxims: With His Social and Political Thoughts'' (1804-15), Gale & Polden, (1899) p. 150 * For my part, it is not the mystery of the incarnation which I discover in religion, but the mystery of social order, which associates with heaven that idea of equality which prevents the rich from destroying the poor. [Incorrect translation, should be ''prevents the rich from being massacred by the poor.''] Religion is indeed a kind of vaccine innoculation, which, by satisfying our natural love for the marvellous, keeps us out of the hands of charlatans and conjurors. The priests are better than the Cagliostros, the Kants, and all the visionaries of Germany. **Napoleon in council, or, The opinions delivered by Bonaparte in the Council of state. Translated by Capt. Basil Hall. [https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/pt?id=hvd.hwkzmn&seq=278&q1=innoculation p. 258]. Quoted in Andrew Roberts: ''Napoleon: A Life'' ** ''Quant à moi, je ne vois pas dans la religion le mystère de l'incarnation, mais le mystère de l'ordre social; elle rattache au ciel une idée d'égalité qui empêche que le riche ne soit massacré par le pauvre. La religion est encore une sorte d'inoculation ou de vaccine qui, en satisfaisant notre amour du merveilleux, nous garantit des charlatans et des sorciers: les prêtres valent mieux que les Cagliostro, les Kant et tous les rêveurs d'Allemagne.'' *** Statement, March 4, 1806, as reported in ''Opinions de Napoléon sur divers sujets de politique et d'administration, recueillies par un membre de son conseil d'état'' as recalled by Baron [[w:Joseph Pelet de la Lozère|Joseph Pelet de la Lozère]] (1833), [https://gallica.bnf.fr/ark:/12148/bpt6k96493110/f231.image.r=Innoculation p. 223] *My intention is that the main village where the [[insurrection]] started shall be burnt, and that thirty of the ringleaders shall be shot; an impressive example is needed to contain the hatred of the [[Peasant|peasantry]] and of that [[Soldiers|soldiery]]. If you have not yet made an example, let there be one without delay... Let not the month pass without the principal village, borough, or small town which gave the signal for the insurrection being burned, and a large number of individuals being shot... Traces must be left in the cantons which have rebelled. **Letter to the commander-in-chief on the revolt in Hesse (8 January 1807), quoted in Pieter Geyl, ''Napoleon For and Against'' (1949), p. 172 *I am not satisfied with the order which is kept in Madrid; [[w:Augustin Daniel Belliard|Belliard]] is too weak; with the Spaniards it is necessary to be severe. I have arrested here fifteen of the worst characters, and I have ordered them to be shot. Arrest thirty at Madrid... If you treat the mob with kindness, these creatures fancy themselves invulnerable; if you hang a few, they get tired of the game, and become as submissive and humble as they ought to be. **Letter to [[w:Joseph Bonaparte|Joseph Bonaparte]], King of Spain (10 January 1809), quoted in ''The Confidential Correspondence of Napoleon Bonaparte with His Brother Joseph, Sometime King of Spain: Selected and Translated, with Explanatory Notes, from the "Mémoires Du Roi Joseph". Vol. II'' (1855), p. 15 * ''' So…Bessieres lived like [[w:Bayard (legend)|Bayard]]; he died like [[w:Henri de La Tour d'Auvergne, Viscount of Turenne|Turenne]]. We should all be envious of his fate. ** During the early phase of the [[w:Battle of Bautzen (1813)|Battle of Bautzen]] * Conscripts, for shame! It was on you that I was basing my hopes. I expected much from your young courage, and you are running away! ** During the [[Battle of Lutzen (1813) | Battle of Lutzen]] * ''Where do you think you are going? Can’t you see that the battle is won? Come on, stand firm!'' ** During the final stages of the Battle of Lutzen * I have gained the battle of Lutzen like the general-in-chief of the [[Army of Italy]] and of the [[Army of Egypt]]! ** During the final push of [[Battle of Lutzen (1813) | Battle of Lutzen]]. * '''From the sublime to the ridiculous is but a step.''' ** Speaking about troubles in the invasions of Russia (10 December 1812), as recorded by Abbé du Pradt, and quoted in ''History of Europe from the Commencement of the French Revolution in 1789, to the Restoration of the Bourbons in 1815'', Vol. 3 (1842) by Sir Archibald Alison, p. 593 ** Variant translations: <br> '''There is but one step from the sublime to the ridiculous.''' <br> There is only one step from the sublime to the ridiculous. * ''Le mot impossible n'est pas français.'' ** '''The word impossible is not French.''' ** Letter to General [[w:fr:Jean Le Marois|Jean Le Marois]] (9 July 1813), quoted in ''Famous Sayings and their Authors'' (1906) by Edward Latham, p. 138 ** Variant translation: '''You write to me that it is impossible; the word is not French.''' ** Variant attribution: '''Impossible is a word to be found only in the dictionary of fools.''' ** The letter says: "Ce n'est pas possible", m'ecrivez-vous: cela n'est pas français.[http://books.google.es/books?id=TqvSAAAAMAAJ&pg=PA479&dq=correspondance+napoleon+Ier+9+juillet+1813&hl=es&ei=tT3ATqzaNImu8gP01dH9Aw&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=1&ved=0CC4Q6AEwAA#v=onepage&q&f=false Original Source] * '''If the [[art]] of [[war]] were nothing but the art of avoiding risks, [[glory]] would become the prey of mediocre minds.... I have made all the calculations; [[fate]] will do the rest.''' ** Statement at the beginning of the 1813 campaign, as quoted in ''The Mind of Napoleon'' (1955) by J. Christopher Herold, p. 45 * '''All authority is in the throne; and what is the throne? This wooden frame covered with velvet? No, I am the throne.''' ** [https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Napoleon%27s_Addresses/Part_V#Address_to_the_Legislative_Body,_December,_1813. Address to the Legislative Body (December 1813)]; he here echoes the remark attributed to [[w:Louis XIV|Louis XIV]] ''L'état c'est moi'' ( "The State is I" or more commonly: "I am the State.") <!-- ** Variants: ** '''What is a throne? — a bit of wood gilded and covered in velvet. I am the state'''— I alone am here the representative of the people. Even if I had done wrong you should not have reproached me in public — people wash their dirty linen at home. France has more need of me than I of France. ** Variant translation: '''A throne is only a bench covered with velvet...''' --> **''Qu'est-ce qu'un trône? Un morceau de bois recouvert de velours; dans la langue politique, le trône c'est moi.'' **Histoire de l'empereur Napoleon, [https://books.google.com/books?id=Uh2S3GUoO4EC&pg=PA435 pg 435]. * France is invaded; I am leaving to take command of my troops, and, with God's help and their valor, I hope soon to drive the enemy beyond the frontier. ** Statement at Paris (23 January 1814) {{fix cite}} * The bullet that will kill me is not yet cast. ** Statement at Montereau (17 February 1814) {{fix cite}} * The Allied Powers having proclaimed that the Emperor Napoleon is the sole obstacle to the re-establishment of peace in Europe, he, faithful to his oath, declares that he is ready to descend from the throne, to quit France, and even to relinquish life, for the good of his country. ** Act of Abdication (4 April 1814) * England will repent of bringing the Russians so far: they will deprive her of India. ** Comment made to [[Lord John Russell]], Elba 1814, as recorded in Russell's journal and quoted in ''Lady John Russell: A Memoir (1910)'' edited by Desmond McCarthy and Agatha Russell. p. 56 * Unite for the public safety, if you would remain an independent nation. ** Proclamation to the French People (22 June 1815) * Wherever wood can swim, there I am sure to find this flag of England. ** Statement at Rochefort (July 1815) {{fix cite}} * '''Whatever shall we do in that remote spot? Well, we will write our memoirs. Work is the scythe of time.''' ** On board H.M.S. Bellerophon (August 1815) {{fix cite}} * '''I generally had to give in.''' ** Statement on his relations with the Empress Josephine (19 May 1816), quoted in ''The Story of Civilization'' (1935) by [[Will Durant]] and [[w:Ariel Durant|Ariel Durant]], p. 234 *The Princes of [[W:House of Habsburg-Lorraine|this house]] have abandoned their capital, not like soldiers of honour who cede to the circumstances and setbacks of the war, but like the perjured who are pursued by their own remorse. **J. David Markham: "Imperial Glory: The Bulletins of Napoleon's Grande Armee", p. 199. Quoted in Andrew Roberts: Napoleon The Great. *I did not usurp the crown. I picked it up from the gutter; the people placed it on my head. I was king of the people as the Bourbons are kings of the nobles **3 September 1816. Quoted in ''Napoleon at St Helena'', John Stevens Cabot Abbott, [https://books.google.com/books?id=8vcsAAAAYAAJ&newbks=1&newbks_redir=0&printsec=frontcover&pg=PA375 pg 375]. **''Je n'ai point usurpé la couronne: je l'ai relevée dans le ruisseau. Le peuple l'a mise sur ma tête. Je voulais que le titre de Français fut le plus beau, le plus désirable de la terre. J'étais enfin le roi du peuple, comme les Bourbons sont les rois des nobles'' **Charles Tristan, marquis de Montholon: ''Récits de la captivité de l'empereur Napoléon a Sainte-Hélène'', [https://books.google.com/books?id=7gooAQAAIAAJ Pg 384] * '''I may have had many projects, but I never was free to carry out any of them.''' It did me little good to be holding the helm; no matter how strong my hands, the sudden and numerous waves were stronger still, and I was wise enough to yield to them rather than resist them obstinately and make the ship founder. Thus '''I never was truly my own master but was always ruled by circumstances.''' ** Conversation with [[w:Emmanuel, comte de Las Cases|Emmanuel, comte de Las Cases]] (11 November 1816), ''Mémorial de Sainte Hélène'', v. 4, [http://books.google.com/books?id=945jAAAAMAAJ&pg=PA133 p. 133]. * What then is, generally speaking, the [[truth]] of [[history]]? A fable agreed upon. ** Conversation with Emmanuel, comte de Las Cases (20 November 1816), ''Mémorial de Sainte Hélène'', v. 4, [http://books.google.com/books?id=945jAAAAMAAJ&vq=%22fable%20agreed%20upon%22&pg=PA251 p. 251]. However, the phrase predates Napoleon. [[w:Claude Adrien Helvétius|Helvétius]] attributes it to [[w:Bernard le Bovier de Fontenelle|Bernard le Bovier de Fontenelle]], ''De l'esprit'' (1758), [http://books.google.com/books?id=N7g8AAAAcAAJ&vq=%22fable%20convenue%22&pg=RA1-PA443 p. 443] * Women are nothing but machines for producing children. ** ''The St. Helena Journal of General Baron Gourgaud'' (9 January 1817); as quoted in ''The St. Helena Journal of General Baron Gourgaud, 1815-1818 : Being a Diary written at St. Helena during a part of Napoleon's Captivity'' (1932) as translated by Norman Edwards, a translation of ''Journal de Sainte-Hélène 1815-1818'' by General [[w:Gaspard Gourgaud|Gaspard Gourgaud]] * '''My maxim was, ''la carrière est ouverte aux talents'', without distinction of birth or fortune.''' ** as quoted in [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barry_O%27Meara Barry Edward O'Meara's][https://openlibrary.org/works/OL1653828W/Napoleon_in_exile_or_A_voice_from_St._Helena?edition=napoleoninexileo01omeauoft Napoleon in Exile, or, A voice from St. Helena p. 405] * [[Religions]] are all founded on [[miracles]] — on things we cannot understand, such as the [[w:Trinity|Trinity]]. [[Jesus]] calls himself the Son of [[God]], and yet is descended from [[w:David|David]]. I prefer the religion of [[Muhammad|Mahomet]] — it is less ridiculous than ours. ** Letter from St. Helena (28 August 1817); as quoted in ''The St. Helena Journal of General Baron Gourgaud, 1815-1818 : Being a Diary written at St. Helena during a part of Napoleon's Captivity'' (1932) as translated by Norman Edwards, a translation of ''Journal de Sainte-Hélène 1815-1818'' by General [[w:Gaspard Gourgaud|Gaspard Gourgaud]], t.2, p. 226 <!-- Flammarion --> * ''J'aurais dû mourir à Waterloo'' ** I ought to have died at Waterloo *** ''Mémorial de Sainte Hélène'' *Mahomet was a great man, an intrepid soldier; with a handful of men he triumphed at the [[Battle of Badr|battle of Bender]] [''sic'']; a great captain, eloquent, a great man of state, he revived his fatherland and created a new people and a new power in the middle of [[Arabia]]. ** [[Napoleon I of France]] in ''Précis des guerres de César'', Gosselin, 1836, edited by [[w:Jean Gabriel Marchand|Comte Marchand]], p. 237. This work was written by Napoleon during his exile on St. Helena. Translated by Ziad Elmarsafy in [http://books.google.fr/books?id=gkIKAQAAMAAJ The Enlightenment Qur'an]. * The [[Islam|Mohammedan]] religion is the finest of all **''[[:w:The Saint Helena Journal of General Baron Gourgaud|Talks of Napoleon at St. Helena with General Baron Gourgaud]], together with the journal kept by Gourgaud on their journey from Waterloo to St Helena (1903)'', [http://archive.org/stream/talkofnapoleonat007678mbp#page/n321/mode/2up pp. 279–280] * [[Muhammad]] was a great man, an intrepid soldier; with a handful of men he triumphed at the battle of Bender (sic); a great captain, eloquent, a great man of state, he revived his fatherland and created a new people and a new power in the middle of Arabia. ** Statement of 1817 quoted in ''Précis des guerres de César, écrit à Sainte-Hélène sous la dictée de l'empereur'' (1836) edited by [[w:Jean Gabriel Marchand|Comte Marchand]], p. 237. This work was written by Napoleon during his exile on St. Helena. Translated by Ziad Elmarsafy in [http://books.google.fr/books?id=gkIKAQAAMAAJ The Enlightenment Qur'an]. * Muhammad was a prince; he rallied his compatriots around him. In a few years, the [[Muslim|Muslims]] conquered half of the world. They plucked more [[Soul|souls]] from false gods, knocked down more idols, razed more pagan temples in fifteen years than the followers of [[Moses]] and [[Jesus]] did in fifteen centuries. Muhammad was a great man. He would indeed have been a god, if the [[revolution]] that he had performed had not been prepared by the circumstances. ** ''Campagnes d'Egypte et Syrie'', Paris, Imprimerie Nationale, 1998, p. 275. Translated by [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Tolan John Tolan] in [http://www.academia.edu/1834648/European_Accounts_of_Muhammads_Life European Accounts of Muhammad's Life]. Napoleon wrote his memoirs on the island of Saint Helena. It is here he develops his portrait of Muhammad as a model lawmaker and conqueror. * '''I have fought sixty battles and I have learned nothing which I did not know at the beginning.''' ** ''Napoleon: A Biography'' by Frank McLynn, p. 145. Translated from Gourgaud's ''Journal de Sainte-Hélène 1815-1818'', entry of 25 December 1817. *'''Two of my Marshalls are racing to get under their orders the Italian troops; i leave it to Suchet who has better ambitions than Macdonald. The Italians will soon be recognized again as the first soldiers of Europe. I'm very proud of my brave Italian army.''' **Cited in De Laugier, ''Vicissitudes of the Italian people from 1801 to 1815'', to. X, Firenze, 1836, p. 43 – Aless. Zanoli, ''About the Italian army, historical-statistical outline from 1796 to 1814'', vol. II, Milano, 1845, p. 145. * Our hour is marked, and no one can claim a moment of life beyond what fate has predestined. ** To Dr. Arnott (April 1821) {{fix cite}} * I see that everybody has lost their head since the infamous capitulation of Bailén. I realise that I must go there myself to get the machine working again. ** Said after Dupont's capitulation at [[w:Bailén]] to the Spanish (1808), as quoted in ''The Art of Warfare on Land'' (1974) by David G. Chandler, p. 164 * '''Ordinary men died, men of iron were taken prisoner: I only brought back with me men of bronze.''' ** Statement of 1812, quoted in ''Napoleon's Cavalry and its Leaders'' (1978) by David Johnson <!-- and in ''History of the Expedition to Russia'' (1827) by Philippe-Paul Ségur, as translated by C. J. Sumemerville ? --> ::* Les hommes ordinaires ont succombé, disait-il; les hommes de fer ont été faits prisonniers; je ne ramène avec moi que les hommes de bronze. :::*Mémoires du colonel Combe sur les campagnes de Russie 1812, de Saxe 1813, de France 1814 et 1815. Paris 1853. [https://books.google.de/books?id=KhlYAAAAcAAJ&pg=PA184 p. 184 books.google] * `` A general of ordinary talent, occupying a bad position and surprised by a superior force, seeks his safety in retreat; but a great captain supplies all deficiencies by his courage, and marches boldly to meet the attack. By this means he disconcerts his adversary, and if this last shows any irresolution in his movements, a skilful leader, profiting by his indecision, may even hope for victory. * Among so many conflicting ideas and so many different perspectives, the honest man is confused and distressed and the skeptic becomes wicked ... Since one must take sides, one might as well choose the side that is victorious, the side which devastates, loots, and burns. Considering the alternative, it is better to eat than to be eaten. ** Letter to his brother, as quoted in ''The Age of Napoleon'' (2002) by J. Christopher Herold, p. 8 * Depuis le premier jour jusqu'au dernier, il est le même, toujours le même, majestueux et simple , infiniment sévère et infiniment doux ; dans un commerce de vie pour ainsi dire public, Jésus ne donne jamais de prise à la moindre critique; sa conduite si prudente ravit l'admiration par un mélange de force et de douceur. ** ''Sentiment de Napoléon sur la divinité de Jésus-Christ'' (1841), p. 59. Translated: "From first day to the last, he is the same, always the same, majestic and simple, extremely severe and extremely mild in the business of public life, so to speak, Jesus does not hold to any criticism, his prudent manner so delighted admiration by a mixture of strength and gentleness". *'''I am a [[monarch]] of [[God]]'s creation, and you reptiles of the [[earth]] dare not oppose me. I render an account of my [[government]] to none save God and [[Jesus]] [[Christ]].''' ** Addressing members of the Catholic clergy assembled during 'Bonaparte's Conference with the Catholic and Protestant clergy at [[w:Breda|Breda]],' May 1, 1810 (originally reported in the Gazette of [[w:Dorpat|Dorpt]]), as quoted in ''The life of Napoleon Bonaparte, emperor of the French: with a preliminary view of the French revolution'', [[w: Sir Walter Scott | Sir Walter Scott]], Philadelphia: Leary & Getz, 1857, [http://books.google.com/books?id=6yEMAAAAYAAJ&pg=RA1-PA91&dq=%22you+reptiles+of+the+earth%22&lr=&cd=1#v=onepage&q=%22you%20reptiles%20of%20the%20earth%22&f=false p. 91] **Variant translation: '''God placed me on the throne, and you reptiles of the earth dare oppose me. I owe no account of my administration to the pope,— only to God and Jesus Christ.''' *** As quoted in ''The Christian Observer'', Volume 10, 1861, [http://books.google.com/books?id=mc8WAQAAIAAJ&pg=PA261&dq=%22you+reptiles+of+the+earth%22&lr=&cd=2#v=onepage&q=%22you%20reptiles%20of%20the%20earth%22&f=false p. 261] * A cowardly act! What do I care about that? You may be sure that I should never fear to commit one if it were to my advantage. ** Quoted by George Gordon Andrews in ''Napoleon in Review'' (1939)[http://books.google.com/books?id=hnvRAAAAMAAJ&q=&quot;A+cowardly+act+What+do+I+care+about+that+You+may+be+sure+that+I+should+never+fear+to+commit+one+if+it+were+to+my+advantage&quot;&pg=PA8#v=onepage] * The true conquests, the only ones that cause no regret, are those made over ignorance. ** (November 26, 1797) as quoted in Andrew Roberts ''Napoleon: A Life'' p. 157 * A [[Journalism|journalist]] is a grumbler, a censurer, a giver of advice, a regent of sovereigns, a tutor of nations. Four hostile newspapers are more to be feared than an hundred thousand bayonets. ** Appears to be fabricated as it is not known from surviving print before 19 March 1845 when it appeared in ''Mississippi Democrat'' in an article titled 'The Press' and in ''The North-Carolina Standard'' on its own as a column filler. On April 17, 1845 a longer version of "The Press" article appeared in ''The Guard'' (Holly Springs, Miss.) crediting the article to the ''New Orleans Jeffersonian'', a newspaper edited by Col J F H Claiborne (Life of Col. J.F.H. Claiborne by Franklin L. Riley, P. 232). Claiborne was also a US congressman and "ranked among the most eloquent orators of the House of Representatives" (ibid P.221). It is known he was in agreement with the sentiment of the quote having said, "The journalist has a grander mission, and if conscientiously pursued, it is the highest and noblest of all avocations" (ibid P. 228). The relevant issue of the Jeffersonian does not appear to have survived but is possibly the original source of the invented quote. Claiborne again uses the "quote" in 1846 in a tribute to Professor Thomas R. Dew (''Richmond Enquirer'' (Richmond, Va.), October 20, 1846). The "quote" then quickly spreads across the english-speaking world, arriving in England by 26 April and appearing in ''The Sentinel'' (Sydney, Australia) on 5 November 1845. It appears to be unknown in french. *You have already been informed of my arrival on the borders of the Red Sea, with an innumerable and invincible Army, full of the desire of delivering you from the iron yoke of England. I eagerly embrace this opportunity of testifying to you the desire I have of being informed by you, by the way of Muscat and Mocha, as to your political situation. I would even wish you could send some intelligent person to Suez or [[Cairo]], possessing your confidence, with whom I may confer. May the Almighty increase your power and destroy your enemies. **From an undated letter that Napoleon wrote to Tipu Sultan, which was intercepted by the British. Quoted in [[Vikram Sampath]] - Tipu - The Saga of Mysore's Interregnum (2024), chapter 16. === ''Napoleon in Exile'' (1822) === * Had it not been for that fatal suspension of arms, in 1813, to which I was induced to consent by [[Austria]], I should have succeeded. The victories of Lutzen and Wurtzen (Bautzen) had restored confidence in the French forces. The King of Saxony was triumphantly brought back to his capital; one of the corps of the French army was at the gates of [[Berlin]], and the enemy had been driven from [[Hamburg]]. The [[Russia|Russian]] and [[Prussia|Prussian]] armies were preparing to pass the Vistula, when the cabinet of Austria, acting with its characteristic perfidy, advised the suspension of hostilities, at a time when it had already entered into engagements with Russia and Prussia; the armistice was only a delusion to gain the time necessary to make preparations, it being intended to declare against France in May. The unexpected successes obliged it to act with more circumspection. It was necessary to gain more time, and negociations went on at the congress of Prague. Metternich insisted that Austria should have the half of Italy, and made other exorbitant conditions, which were only demanded in order to be refused. As soon as she had got her army ready, Austria declared against France. After the victory of Dresden, I was superior, and had formed the project to deceive the enemy, by marching towards Magdeburgh, then to rcross the Elbe at Wittenberg, and march upon Berlin. Several divisions of the army were occupied in these manoeuvres, when a letter was brough to me from the King of Wirtemberg, announcing that the Bavarian army had joined the Austrians, and to the amount of eighty thousand men, were marching towards the Rhine, under the command of Wrede; that he, being compelled by the presence of that army, was obliged to join his contingent to it, and that Mentz would soon be invested by a hundred thousand men. === ''Memoirs of Napoleon'' (1829-1831) === [[File:Napoleonbonaparte coloured drawing.png|thumb|right|More glorious to merit a sceptre than to possess one.]] :<small>''[http://www.gutenberg.org/etext/3567 Memoirs of Napoleon]'' was published in 10 volumes (1829-1831) by [[W:Louis Antoine Fauvelet de Bourrienne|Louis Antoine Fauvelet de Bourrienne]] who from 1797 to 1802 had been a private secretary to Napoleon.</small> * Immortality is the best recollection one leaves. * Kiss the feet of Popes provided their hands are tied. * '''Malice delights to blacken the characters of prominent men.''' * '''More glorious to merit a sceptre than to possess one.''' * '''Those who are free from common prejudices acquire others.''' === ''The Consulate and The Empire'' (1834) === * Well, then, had I been at [[w:Martinique|Martinique]], I should also have been on the side of the English, because above all things it is necessary to save one's life. '''I am for the [[White people|whites]], because I am white; I have no other reason, yet that is reason good enough.''' How was it possible to grant liberty to the [[Black people|Africans]], to men without any kind of civilization, who did not even know what a [[colony]] meant, or that there was such a place as France? ** Si j'avais été à la Martinique, j'aurais été pour les Anglais, parce qu'avant tout il faut sauver sa vie. Je suis pour les blancs, parce que je suis blanc; je n'en ai pas d'autre raison, et celle-là est la bonne. Comment a-t-on pu donner la liberté à des Africains, à des hommes qui n'avaient aucune civilisation, qui ne savaient seulement pas ce que c'était que colonie, ce que c'était que la France? **"Le Consulat et L'Empire" by [[w:Antoine Claire Thibaudeau|A. C. Thibaudeau]], Volume 3, pg 323. Translated in "The Life of Napoleon Buonaparte" by William Hazlitt, pg 271. *They seek to destroy the Revolution by attacking my person: I will defend it for I am the Revolution, I myself! Henceforth they will look to it, for they will know ''of what we are capable''. **Pg 427. Thomas W. Redhead translation, Volume II. **On veut détruire la Révolution en s’attaquant à ma personne: je la défendrai, car je suis la Révolution, moi, moi … On y regardera à partir d’aujourd’hui, car on saura de quoi nous sommes capables. **Pg 608 in the French edition === ''Political Aphorisms, Moral and Philosophical Thoughts'' (1848) === :<small>[http://www.napoleonic-literature.com/Book_8/Book8.html ''Political Aphorisms, Moral and Philosophical Thoughts of Emperor Napoleon''] collected and published by Cte. A. G. de Liancourt; edited by James Alexander Manning; this work is also sometimes referred to as ''Maxims of Napoleon''</small> * When you have an enemy in your power, deprive him of the means of ever injuring you. ** p. 30 * '''He who fears being conquered is certain of defeat.''' ** p. 146 * '''The greater the man, the less is he opinionative, he depends upon events and circumstances.''' ** p. 146 * What is the [[government]]? [[nothing]], unless supported by [[opinion]]. ** p. 242 * A constitution should be framed so as not to impede the action of government, nor force the government to its violation. ** p. 246 * The people must not be counted upon; they cry indifferently : "Long live the King!" and "Long live the Conspirators!" a proper direction must be given to them, and proper instruments employed to effect it. ** p. 246 * Hereditary succession to the magistracy is absurd, as it tends to make a property of it; it is incompatible with the sovereignty of the people. ** p. 246 * Orders and decorations are necessary in order to dazzle the people. ** p. 248 * [[Power]] is founded upon opinion. ** p. 248 * Sometimes a great example is necessary to all the public functionaries of the state. ** p. 248 * A Government protected by foreigners will never be accepted by a free people. * '''A great people may be killed, but they cannot be intimidated.''' * A great reserve and severity of manners are necessary for the command of those who are older than ourselves. * A king is sometimes obliged to commit crimes; but they are the crimes of his position. * A King should sacrifice the best affections of his heart for the good of his country; no sacrifice should be above his determination. *'''Greatness is nothing unless it be lasting.''' * Many a one commits a reprehensible action, who is at bottom an honourable man, because man seldom acts upon natural impulse, but from some secret passion of the moment which lies hidden and concealed within the narrowest folds of his heart. * The life of a citizen is the property of his country. * You cannot treat with all the world at once. === ''With Napoleon in Russia: The Memoirs of General De Caulaincourt, Duke of Vicenza'' (1933) === *''If you make everything difficult, the really hard things seem less so.'' === ''Napoleon : In His Own Words'' (1916) === :<small>''[https://archive.org/details/napoleoninhisown00napo Napoleon : In His Own Words]'' (1916) edited by Jules Bertaut, as translated by Herbert Edward Law and Charles Lincoln Rhodes </small> [[File:1801 Antoine-Jean Gros - Bonaparte on the Bridge at Arcole.jpg|thumb|right|Destiny urges me to a goal of which I am ignorant. Until that goal is attained I am invulnerable, unassailable. When Destiny has accomplished her purpose in me, a fly may suffice to destroy me.]] ::'''Ch. I : On Success''' * '''There are only two forces that unite men — fear and interest.''' All great revolutions originate in fear, for the play of interests does not lead to accomplishment. * Audacity succeeds as often as it fails; in life it has an even chance. * '''The superior man is never in anyone's way.''' * Who saves his country violates no law. **''Celui qui sauve sa patrie ne viole aucune loi'' **Maximes et pensées de Napoléon recueillies par J.-L. Gaudy jeune (1838), [https://gallica.bnf.fr/ark:/12148/bpt6k6151840d/f46.image.r=Viole Pg 49] **"Gaudy"'s collection was actually compiled by Honoré de Balzac, who may have invented some of the maxims. Graham Robb: "Balzac" (1994), [https://archive.org/details/balzacbiography00robb/page/317/mode/1up pp 317-318]. * There are so many laws that no one is safe from hanging. * '''Success is the most convincing talker in the world.''' * As a rule it is circumstances that make men. * '''Impatience is a great obstacle to success; he who treats everything with brusqueness gathers nothing, or only immature fruit which will never ripen.''' * '''One must indeed be ignorant of the methods of genius to suppose that it allows itself to be cramped by forms.''' Forms are for mediocrity, and it is fortunate that mediocrity can act only according to routine. Ability takes its flight unhindered. * Never depend on the multitude, full of instability and whims; always take precautions against it. * From triumph to downfall is but a step. I have seen a trifle decide the most important issues in the gravest affairs. * '''It is only by prudence, wisdom, and dexterity, that great ends are attained and obstacles overcome. Without these qualities nothing succeeds.''' * '''The man fitted for affairs and authority never considers individuals, but things and their consequences.''' * A congress of the powers is deceit agreed on between diplomats — it is the pen of [[Machiavelli]] combined with the scimitar of [[Muhammad|Mahomet]]. * '''Destiny urges me to a goal of which I am ignorant. Until that goal is attained I am invulnerable, unassailable. When Destiny has accomplished her purpose in me, a fly may suffice to destroy me.''' * Necessity dominates inclination, will, and right. ::'''Ch. II : Psychology and Morals''' * Men have their virtues and their vices, their heroisms and their perversities; men are neither wholly good nor wholly bad, but possess and practice all that there is of good and bad here below. Such is the general rule. Temperament, education, the accidents of life, are modifying factors. Outside of this, everything is ordered arrangement, everything is chance. Such has been my rule of expectation and it has usually brought me success. * '''Whatever misanthropists may say, ingrates and the perverse are exceptions in the human species.''' * The great mass of society are far from being depraved; for if a large majority were criminal or inclined to break the laws, where would the force or power be to prevent or constrain them? And herein is the real blessing of civilization, because this happy result has its origin in her bosom, growing out of her very nature. * '''[[Imagination]] governs the world.''' * What are we? What is the future? What is the past? What magic fluid envelops us and hides from us the things it is most important for us to know? '''We are born, we live, and we die in the midst of the marvelous.''' * To do all that one is able to do, is to be a man; to do all that one would like to do, would be to be a god. * Man achieves in life only by commanding the capabilities nature has given him, or by creating them within himself by education and by knowing how to profit by the difficulties encountered. * It is a mistake, too, to say that the face is the mirror of the soul. '''The truth is, men are very hard to know, and yet, not to be deceived, we must judge them by their present actions, but for the present only.''' * One is more certain to influence men, to produce more effect on them, by absurdities than by sensible ideas. * It is not true that men never change; they change for the worse, as well as for the better. It is not true they are ungrateful; more often the benefactor rates his favors higher than their worth; and often too he does not allow for circumstances. If few men have the moral force to resist impulses, most men do carry within themselves the germs of virtues as well as of vices, of heroism as well as of cowardice. Such is human nature — education and circumstances do the rest. * '''Ordinarily men exercise their memory much more than their judgment.''' * '''There is nothing so imperious as feebleness which feels itself supported by force.''' * True character stands the test of emergencies. Do not be mistaken, it is weakness from which the awakening is rude. * How many seemingly impossible things have been accomplished by resolute men because they had to do, or die. * '''The fool has one great advantage over a man of sense — he is always satisfied with himself.''' * Simpletons talk of the past, wise men of the present, and fools of the future. * One must learn to forgive and not to hold a hostile, bitter attitude of mind, which offends those about us and prevents us from enjoying ourselves; one must recognize human shortcomings and adjust himself to them rather than to be constantly finding fault with them. * '''It is not necessary to prohibit or encourage oddities of conduct which are not harmful.''' * The best way to keep one's word is not to give it. ::'''Ch. III : Love and Marriage''' * In love the only safety is in flight. * I do not believe it is in our nature to love impartially. We deceive ourselves when we think we can love two beings, even our own children, equally. There is always a dominant affection. ::'''Ch. IV : Things Political''' * '''In politics nothing is immutable. Events carry within them an invincible power.''' The unwise destroy themselves in resistance. The skillful accept events, take strong hold of them and direct them. * It is only with prudence, sagacity, and much dexterity that great aims are accomplished, and all obstacles surmounted. Otherwise nothing is accomplished. * The great difficulty with politics is, that there are no established principles. * The truth is that one ought to serve his people worthily, and not strive solely to please them. The best way to gain a people is to do that which is best for them. Nothing is more dangerous than to flatter a people. If it does not get what it wants immediately, it is irritated and thinks that promises have not been kept; and if then it is resisted, it hates so much the more as it feels itself deceived. * '''Lead the ideas of your time and they will accompany and support you; fall behind them and they drag you along with them; oppose them and they will overwhelm you.''' * There is no such thing as an absolute despotism; it is only relative. A man cannot wholly free himself from obligation to his fellows. A sultan who cut off heads from caprice, would quickly lose his own in the same way. Excesses tend to check themselves by reason of their own violence. What the ocean gains in one place it loses in another. * We are made weak both by idleness and distrust of ourselves. Unfortunate, indeed, is he who suffers from both. If he is a mere individual he becomes nothing; if he is a king he is lost. * A prince should suspect everything. * '''In politics, an absurdity is not an impediment.''' * The most difficult art is not in the choice of men, but in giving to the men chosen the highest service of which they are capable. * Posterity alone rightly judges kings. Posterity alone has the right to accord or withhold honors. * [[Obedience]] to public authority ought not to be based either on [[ignorance]] or [[stupidity]]. * '''The laws of circumstance are abolished by new circumstances.''' * Some revolutions are inevitable. There are moral eruptions, just as the outbreak of volcanoes are physical eruptions. When the chemical combinations which produce them are complete, the volcanic eruptions burst forth, just as revolutions do when the moral factors are in the right state. In order to foresee them the trend of ideas must be understandingly observed. * '''One can lead a nation only by helping it see a bright outlook. A leader is a dealer in hope.''' * It is rare that a [[legislature]] reasons. It is too quickly impassioned. * '''Parties weaken themselves by their fear of capable men.''' * [[Democracy]] may become frenzied, but it has feelings and can be moved. As for [[aristocracy]], it is always cold and never forgives. * '''We frustrate many designs against us by pretending not to see them.''' * To listen to the interests of all, marks an ordinary government; to foresee them, marks a great government. * Peace ought to be the result of a system well considered, founded on the true interests of the different countries, honorable to each, and ought not to be either a capitulation or the result of a threat. ::''' Ch. V : Concerning the Fine Arts''' * A book in which there were no lies would be a curiosity. * All men of genius, and all those who have gained rank in the republic of letters, are brothers, whatever may be the land of their nativity. * It must be recognized that the real truths of history are hard to discover. Happily, for the most part, they are rather matters of curiosity than of real importance. * '''[[Dante]] has not deigned to take his inspiration from any other. He has wished to be himself, himself alone; in a word, to create.''' He has occupied a vast space, and has filled it with the superiority of a sublime mind. He is diverse, strong, and gracious. He has imagination, warmth, and enthusiasm. He makes his reader tremble, shed tears, feel the thrill of honor in a way that is the height of art. Severe and menacing, he has terrible imprecations for crime, scourgings for vice, sorrow for misfortune. As a citizen, affected by the laws of the republic, he thunders against its oppressors, but he is always ready to excuse his native city, Florence is ever to him his sweet, beloved country, dear to his heart. I am envious for my dear France, that she has never produced a rival to Dante; that this Colossus has not had his equal among us. No, there is no reputation which can be compared to his. * The [[division of labor]], which has brought such perfection in mechanical industries, is altogether fatal when applied to productions of the mind. All work of the mind is superior in proportion as the mind that produces it is universal. ::'''Ch. VI : Administration''' * Laws which are consistent in theory often prove chaotic in practice. * In practical administration, experience is everything. :: '''Ch. VII : Concerning Religion''' * Aristocracy is the spirit of the [[Old Testament]], [[democracy]] of the [[New Testament|New]]. * The [[existence of God]] is attested by everything that appeals to our imagination. And if our eye cannot reach Him it is because He has not permitted our [[intelligence]] to go so far. * [[Jesus]] Christ was the greatest [[Republicanism|republican]]. * Charity and alms are recommended in every chapter of the ''[[Qur'an|Koran]]'' as being the most acceptable services, both to [[Allah|God]] and the Prophet. * The religious zeal which animates priests, leads them to undertake labors and to brave perils which would be far beyond the powers of one in secular employment. * '''Conscience is the most sacred thing among men.''' Every man has within him a still small voice, which tells him that nothing on earth can oblige him to believe that which he does not believe. The worst of all tyrannies is that which obliges eighteen-twentieths of a nation to embrace a religion contrary to their beliefs, under penalty of being denied their rights as citizens and of owning property, which, in effect, is the same thing as being without a country. * [[Fanaticism]] must be put to sleep before it can be eradicated. * Policemen and prisons ought never to be the means used to bring men back to the practice of religion. * You cannot drag a man's [[conscience]] before any tribunal, and no one is answerable for his religious opinions to any power on earth. * The populace judges of the power of God by the power of the [[Priest|priests]]. * Man loves the marvelous. It has an irresistible charm for him. He is always ready to leave that with which he is familiar to pursue vain inventions. He lends himself to his own deception. * '''Our credulity is a part of the imperfection of our natures. It is inherent in us to desire to generalize, when we ought, on the contrary, to guard ourselves very carefully from this tendency.''' :: '''Ch. VII : On War''' * '''A general must be a charlatan.''' * Unhappy the general who comes on the field of battle with a system. * '''It is often in the audacity, in the steadfastness, of the general that the safety and the conservation of his men is found.''' * The military principles of [[Julius Caesar|Caesar]] were those of [[Hannibal]], and those of Hannibal were those of [[Alexander the Great|Alexander]] — to hold his forces in hand, not to be vulnerable at any point, to throw all his forces with rapidity on any given point. * '''An army which cannot be reenforced is already defeated. ''' * A commander in chief ought to say to himself several times a day: If the enemy should appear on my front, on my right, on my left, what would I do? And if the question finds him uncertain, he is not well placed, he is not as he should be, and he should remedy it. * The moment of greatest peril is the moment of victory. * '''At the beginning of a campaign it is important to consider whether or not to move forward; but when one has taken the offensive it is necessary to maintain it to the last extremity.''' However skilfully effected a retreat may be, it always lessens the morale of an army, since in losing the chances of success, they are remitted to the enemy. A retreat, moreover, costs much more in men and materials than the bloodiest engagements, with this difference, also, that in a battle the enemy loses practically as much as you do; while in a retreat you lose and he does not. * Changing from the defensive to the offensive, is one of the most delicate operations in war. * An army ought to be ready every moment to offer all the resistance of which it is capable. * Never march by flank in front of an army in position. This principle is absolute. * '''In a battle, as in a siege, the art consists in concentrating very heavy fire on a particular point.''' The line of battle once established, the one who has the ability to concentrate an unlooked for mass of artillery suddenly and unexpectedly on one of these points is sure to carry the day. * '''There is a joy in danger.''' * War is a serious game in which a man risks his reputation, his troops, and his country. A sensible man will search himself to know whether or not he is fitted for the trade. * '''There is only one favorable moment in war; talent consists in knowing how to seize it.''' * He who cannot look over a battlefield with a dry eye, causes the death of many men uselessly. * In war, theory is all right so far as general principles are concerned; but in reducing general principles to practice there will always be danger. Theory and practice are the axis about which the sphere of accomplishment revolves. * '''The secret of great battles consists in knowing how to deploy and concentrate at the right time.''' * The art of war consists in being always able, even with an inferior army, to have stronger forces than the enemy at the point of attack or the point which is attacked. * The praises of enemies are always to be suspected. A man of honor will not permit himself to be flattered by them, except when they are given after the cessation of hostilities. * '''The most desirable quality in a soldier is constancy in the support of fatigue; valor is only secondary.''' * Policy and morals concur in repressing pillage. * Gentleness, good treatment, honor the victor and dishonor the vanquished, who should remain aloof and owe nothing to pity — In war, audacity is the finest calculation of genius. * In civil war it is not given to every man to know how to conduct himself. There is something more than military prudence necessary; there is need of sagacity and the knowledge of men. * '''Nothing is so contrary to military rules as to make the strength of your army known, either in the orders of the day, in proclamations, or in the newspapers.''' * War is a lottery in which nations ought to risk nothing but small amounts. * [[w:Achilles|Achilles]] was the son of a goddess and of a mortal; in that, he is the image of the genius of war. The divine part is all that that is derived from moral considerations of character, talent, the interest of your adversary, of opinion, of the temper of the soldier, which is strong and victorious, or feeble and beaten, according as he believes this divine part to be. The mortal part is the arms, the fortifications, the order of battle — everything which arises out of material things. * '''Courage cannot be counterfeited. It is one virtue that escapes hypocrisy.''' * In war one must lean on an obstacle in order to overcome it. * In war, character and opinion make more than half of the reality. * That dependable courage, which in spite of the most sudden circumstances, nevertheless allows freedom of mind, of judgment and of decision, is exceedingly rare. * '''[[War]] is becoming an anachronism'''; if we have battled in every part of the continent it was because two opposing social orders were facing each other, the one which dates from 1789, and the old regime. They could not exist together; the younger devoured the other. I know very well, that, in the final reckoning, it was war that overthrew me, me the representative of the [[French Revolution]], and the instrument of its principles. But no matter! The battle was lost for civilization, and civilization will inevitably take its revenge. There are two systems, the past and the future. The present is only a painful transition. Which must triumph? The future, will it not? Yes indeed, the future! That is, intelligence, industry, and peace. The past was brute force, privilege, and ignorance. Each of our victories was a triumph for the ideas of the Revolution. '''Victories will be won, one of these days, without cannon, and without bayonets.''' * '''It is not that addresses at the opening of a battle make the soldiers brave. The old veterans scarcely hear them, and recruits forget them at the first boom of the cannon.''' Their usefulness lies in their effect on the course of the campaign, in neutralizing rumors and false reports, in maintaining a good spirit in the camp, and in furnishing matter for camp-fire talk. The printed order of the day should fulfill these different ends. * What are the conditions that make for the superiority of an army? Its internal organization, military habits in officers and men, the confidence of each in themselves; that is to say, bravery, patience, and all that is contained in the idea of moral means. * '''The issue of a battle is the result of an instant, of a thought.''' There is the advance, with its various combinations, the battle is joined, the struggle goes on a certain time, the decisive moment presents itself, a spark of genius discloses it, and the smallest body of reserves accomplish victory. * '''In war, groping tactics, half-way measures, lose everything.''' * '''A man who has no consideration for the needs of his men ought never to be given command.''' * To plan to reserve cavalry for the finish of the battle, is to have no conception of the power of combined infantry and cavalry charges, either for attack or for defense. * The general of the sea has need of only one science, that of navigation. The one on land has need of all, or of a talent which is the equivalent of all, that will enable him to profit by all experience, and all knowledge. A general of the sea has nothing to divine. He knows where his enemy is, he knows his strength. A general on land never knows anything with certainty, never sees his enemy well, and never knows positively where he is. * '''In order not to be astonished at obtaining victories, one ought not to think only of defeats.''' * In war, luck is half in everything. *'''If I had not been defeated in Acre against Jezzar Pasha of Turk. I would conquer all of the East''' * '''My most splendid campaign was that of March 20; not a single shot was fired.''' ::'''Ch. IX : Sociology''' * In France, only the impossible is admired. * The sentiment of national honor is never more than half extinguished in the French. It takes only a spark to re-kindle it. * France will always be a great nation. * '''If you give me an army of [[Turks]], I can take the whole world hostage.''' * '''[[Turks]] can be killed, but they can never be conquered.''' * [[Europe]] is a molehill. It has never had any great [[Empire|empires]], like those of the [[Asia|Orient]], numbering six hundred million souls. * Europe has its history, often tragic, though at intervals consoling. But to speak of any universally recognized national rights or that these rights have played any part in its history, is to play with the powers of public credulity. Always the first duty of a state has been its safety; the pledge of its safety, its power; and the limits of its power, that intelligence of which each has been made the depository. When the great powers have proclaimed any other principle, it has been only for their own purposes, and the smaller powers have never received any benefit from it. * '''Each state claims the right to control interests foreign to itself when those interests are such that it can control them without putting its own interests in danger. ... other powers only recognize this right of intervening in proportion as the country doing it has the power to do it.''' * ‘I shall bring the nobles of this court so low they shall be obliged to beg their bred.’ - Said to Count Nesch after the battle of Jena-Austedt in Berlin. ==Attributed== [[File:Napoleon_Las_Casas.jpg|thumb|It is [[hunger]] that makes the [[world]] move.]] [[File:Napoleon sainthelene.jpg|250px|thumb|right|[[Morality]] has nothing to do with such a man as I am.]] [[File:Minard.png|thumb|350px|A good sketch is better than a long speech. (A picture is worth a thousand words.)]] * Surely in a matter of this kind we should endeavor to do something, that we may say that we have not lived in vain, that we may leave some impress of ourselves on the [[Sands of time (idiom)|sands of time]]. ** From an alleged Letter of to his Minister of the Interior on the Poor Laws. Pub. in The Press, Feb. 1, 1868. * ''' You must not fear death, my lads; defy him, and you drive him into the enemy's ranks.''' ** As quoted in ''Dictionary of Quotations from Ancient and Modern English and Foreign Sources'' (1899) by Rev. James Wood, p. 567 * '''Morality has nothing to do with such a man as I am.''' ** As quoted in ''The Story of World Progress'' (1922) by Willis Mason West, p. 433 * Waterloo will wipe out the memory of my forty victories; but that which nothing can wipe out is my [[w:Napoleonic code|Civil Code]]. That will live forever. ** As quoted in ''The Story of World Progress'' (1922) by Willis Mason West, p. 437 * If I were an Englishman, I should esteem the man who advised a war with [[China]] to be the greatest living enemy of my country. You would be beaten in the end, and perhaps a revolution in India would follow. ** Reported as being from an 1817 conversation in ''The Mind of Napoleon'', ed. and trans. J. Christopher Herold (1955), p. 249. Reported as unverified in ''Respectfully Quoted: A Dictionary of Quotations'' (1989). * ''Un bon croquis vaut mieux qu'un long discours.'' ** '''A good sketch is better than a long speech.''' *** Quoted in ''L'Arche de Noé'' (1968) by Marie-Madeleine Fourcade, p. 48; this has sometimes also been translated as "'''[[w:A picture is worth a thousand words|A picture is worth a thousand words]]'''", though it is not known to be the origin of that English expression. * I saw myself founding a religion, marching into Asia riding an elephant, a turban on my head and in my hand the new [[Qur'an|Koran]] that I would have composed to suit my needs. ** As quoted in ''The British in Egypt‎'' (1971) by Peter Mansfield, p. 1 * '''Ability is nothing without opportunity.''' ** As quoted in ''Have You Ever Noticed? : The Wit and Irony of Every Day Life'' (1985) by Joe Moore * The hand that gives is above the hand that takes. (''La main qui donne est au-dessus de celle qui reçoit.'') ** Italian saying, quoted by Bonaparte during the [[w:Italian_campaigns_of_the_French_Revolutionary_Wars#First_Coalition_.281792-1797.29|first Italian campaign]] to highlight the financial dependence of the ''[[w:French Directory|Directoire]]'' on the plunder from the Army of Italy, according to Lucian S. Regenbogen, ''Napoléon a dit : aphorismes, citations et opinions'', p. 82. * Money has no motherland; financiers are without patriotism and without decency; their sole object is gain. ** Attributed in ''Monarchy or Money Power'' (1933), by R. McNair Wilson. No primary source for this is known. * '''Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.''' ** As quoted in ''The Military Quotation Book'' (2002) by James Charlton, p. 93 * '''I am the instrument of providence, she will use me as long as I accomplish her designs, then she will break me like a glass.''' ** As quoted in ''The Linguist and the Emperor : Napoleon and Champollion's Quest to Decipher the Rosetta Stone'' (2004) by Daniel Meyerson * If I had succeeded, I would have been the greatest man known to history. ** As quoted in ''The Tyrants : 2500 Years of Absolute Power and Corruption'' (2006) by Clive Foss <small> {{ISBN|1905204965}}</small> * You call these baubles, well, it is with baubles that men are led... Do you think that you would be able to make men fight by reasoning? Never. That is only good for the scholar in his study. The soldier needs glory, distinctions, and rewards. ** On awards, as quoted in ''Mémoires sur le Consulat. 1799 à 1804'' (1827) by Antoine-Claire, Comte Thibaudeau. Chez Ponthieu, pp. 83–84. Original: "''On appelle cela des ''hochets''; eh bien! c'est avec des hochets que l'on mène les hommes... Croyez-vous que vous feríez battre des hommes par l'analyse? Jamais. Elle n'est bonne que pour le savant dans son cabinet. Il faut au soldat de la gloire, des distinctions, des récomponses.''" * The future destiny of the child is always the work of his mother. Let France have good mothers, and she will have good sons. ** As quoted in ''Mama Was My Teacher: Growing Up In A Small Southern Town'' (2004) by Dozier Cade, p. 77 * Leave the Artillerymen alone, they are an obstinate lot. ** As quoted in ''The Dictionary of Military and Naval Quotations'' (1966) by Robert Heinl, Jr. * Tristan is very idle. He confessed to the Emperor that he did not [[work]] every [[day]]. "Do you not eat every day?" said the Emperor to him; "Yes, Sire." "Well, then, you ought to work every day; no one should eat who does not work." "Oh! if that be the case, I will work every day," said the child, quickly. "Such is the influence of the [[w:Belly|belly]]," said the Emperor, tapping that of little Tristan. "It is [[hunger]] that makes the [[world]] move." ** As attributed in [[w:Emmanuel, comte de Las Cases|Count Emmanuel de Las Cases]], "Journal of the Private Life and Conversations of the Emperor Napoleon at Saint Helena", 1824. * There is no [[w:Subordination|subordination]] with empty [[w:Stomach|stomachs]]. ** As attributed in [[w:Emmanuel, comte de Las Cases|Count Emmanuel de Las Cases]], "Journal of the Private Life and Conversations of the Emperor Napoleon at Saint Helena", 1824. * Well then, I will tell you. [[Alexander the Great|Alexander]], [[Julius Caesar|Caesar]], [[Charlemagne]] and I myself have founded great empires; but upon what did these creations of our genius depend? Upon force. Jesus alone founded His empire upon love, and to this very day millions will die for Him. I think I understand something of human nature; and I tell you, all these were men, and I am a man: none else is like Him; Jesus Christ was more than a man. I have inspired multitudes with such an enthusiastic devotion that they would have died for me but to do this it was necessary that I should be visibly present with the electric influence of my looks, my words, of my voice. When I saw men and spoke to them, I lighted up the flame of self-devotion in their hearts. Christ alone has succeeded in so raising the mind of man toward the unseen, that it becomes insensible to the barriers of time and space. Across a chasm of eighteen hundred years, Jesus Christ makes a demand which is beyond all others difficult to satisfy; He asks for that which a [[Philosophy|philosopher]] may often seek in vain at the hands of his friends, or a father of his children, or a bride of her spouse, or a man of his brother. He asks for the human heart; He will have it entirely to Himself. He demands it unconditionally; and forthwith His demand is granted. Wonderful! In defiance of time and space, the soul of man, with all its powers and faculties, becomes an annexation to the [[Christendom|empire of Christ]]. All who sincerely believe in Him, experience that remarkable, supernatural love toward Him. This phenomenon is unaccountable; it is altogether beyond the scope of man's creative powers. Time, the great destroyer, is powerless to extinguish this sacred flame; time can neither exhaust its strength nor put a limit to its range. This is it, which strikes me most; I have often thought of it. This it is which proves to me quite convincingly the Divinity of Jesus Christ. ** In a statement about Jesus Christ. While exiled on the rock of St. Helena, Napoleon called Count Montholon to his side and asked him, "Can you tell me who Jesus Christ was?" Upon the Count declining to respond Napoleon countered. Ravi Zacharias, [http://books.google.com/books?id=jSI9HnMHdPsC&pg=PA149&lpg=PA149&dq=napoleon+jesus+among+gods&source=bl&ots=CdsDSjamnm&sig=K3l7Ek972r7pyEFT681lbf3PVSQ&hl=en&sa=X&ei=nBqhUf3RL4au9AS37ICwCQ&ved=0CBYQ6AEwAA ''Jesus Among Other Gods''], p. 149, in [[Henry Parry Liddon]] (1868) The Divinity of Our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ; Eight Lectures. New edition.[https://books.google.com/books?id=IcINAAAAYAAJ&pg=PA148&dq#v=onepage&q&f=false] pp. 147-148, and in [[Henry Parry Liddon]] (1869) The Divinity of Our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ; Eight Lectures. Fourth edition. [https://ia800203.us.archive.org/15/items/divinityofourlord00libbrich/divinityofourlord00libbrich.pdf] pp. 147-148. * ‘Do you know,’ Napoleon once said to Fontanes, ‘what fills me most with wonder? The powerlessness of force to establish anything. There are only two powers in the world: the sword and the mind. In the end, the sword is always conquered by the mind.’ ** [[Albert Camus]], ''Lyrical and Critical'' (London: Hamish Hamilton, 1967), essays selected and translated from the French by Philip Thody, p. 104 [https://archive.org/details/lyricalcritical0000camu/page/104/mode/2up?view=theater] {{Misattributed begin}} == Misattributed == * Able was I ere I saw Elba. :* Credited to "J.T.R." of Baltimore, 1848<ref>The Golden Rule and Gazette Of The Union, Saturday July 8 1848, page 30, article titled "Ingenious arrangement of words"; https://www.google.co.uk/books/edition/The_Golden_Rule_and_Odd_fellows_Family_C/hEg2AQAAMAAJ?hl=en&gbpv=1&dq=able%20was%20i%20ere%20i%20saw%20elba </ref> :* Of such attributions to Napoleon, there is little credence, as stated by William Irvine in ''Madam I'm Adam and Other Palindromes'' (1987): "The well-known ABLE WAS I, ERE I SAW ELBA, for example, is conveniently attributed to Napoleon, whose knowledge of English wordplay was certainly questionable, at best." There is no mention of such a palindrome in O'Meara's own work, ''Napoleon in Exile : or, A Voice from St. Helena'' (1822). * An army of sheep, led by a lion, is better than an army of lions, led by a sheep. ** Attributed to Napoleon in ''Napoleon'' (1941) by [[w:Yevgeny Tarle|Yevgeny Tarle]], this is a variant of an ancient proverb often attributed to many military and political figures, including [[Alexander the Great]], and the even earlier figure [[w:Chabrias|Chabrias (Χαβρίας)]]. * Give them a whiff of [[w:Grapeshot|grapeshot]]. ** This is often quoted as a command Napoleon issued when dispersing mobs marching on the National Assembly in Paris (5 October 1795), or it is occasionally stated that he boasted "I gave them a whiff of grapeshot" sometime afterwards, but the first known use of the term "whiff of grapeshot" is actually by [[Thomas Carlyle]] in his work ''The French Revolution'' (1837), describing the use of cannon salvo [''salve de canons''] against crowds, and not even the use of them by Napoleon. * A constitution should be short and obscure. ** Quoted in ''The Life of Napoleon I'' by John Holland Rose as an exchange between [[w:Pierre Louis Roederer|Roederer]] and [[w:Talleyrand|Talleyrand]] *** Roederer tells us ("Œuvres," vol. iii., p. 428) that he had drawn up two plans of a constitution for the Cisalpine; the one very short and leaving much to the President, the other precise and detailed. He told Talleyrand to advise Bonaparte to adopt the former as it was "''short and''" — he was about to add "''clear''" when the diplomatist cut him short with the words, "''Yes: short and obscure!''" * Never ascribe to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity. ** Often known as [[w:Hanlon's razor|Hanlon's razor]], this was attributed to Napoleon without source in ''Message Passing Server Internals'' (2003) by Bill Blunden, p. 15, <small> {{ISBN|0071416382}} </small> * Religious wars are basically people killing each other over who has the better imaginary friend. ** There is no known basis to attribute this saying to Napoleon. It is found (unattributed) in a [https://groups.google.com/forum/message/raw?msg=soc.penpals/QIUrpkacWyE/FbCj7pij5WwJ Usenet post from July 1999]. {{Misattributed end}} == Quotes about Napoleon == [[File:François Gérard - Napoleon I 001.JPG|thumb|right|[[George Washington|Washington]] and Bonaparte emerged from the womb of democracy: both of them born to liberty, the former remained faithful to her, the latter betrayed her. ~ [[François-René de Chateaubriand]] ]] [[File:Napoleon friedland.jpg|thumb|right|I used to say of him that his presence on the field made the difference of forty thousand men. ~ [[Arthur Wellesley, 1st Duke of Wellington]] ]] [[File:Generale Bonaparte in Italia.jpg|thumb|right|Napoleon, far more Italian than French, Italian by race, by instinct, imagination, and souvenir, considers in his plan the future of Italy, and, on casting up the final accounts of his reign, we find that the net profit is for Italy and the net loss is for France. ~[[Hippolyte Taine]]]] :<small>Arranged alphabetically by author</small> *His views on politics and society, owing much to [[Jean-Jacques Rousseau|Rousseau]]'s ''[[The Social Contract|Du Contrat Social]]'', display Buonaparte the egotist and Buonaparte the mathematician-engineer in uneasy collaboration. For society is conceived as of one great machine, constructed according to correct calculations which in turn are based on the right data. There is little sense of free association between individuals or groups, little sense of any natural community larger than the Corsican-style family or clan; no sense of organic social growth. Instead there are the competing egotisms of individuals, bridled or organized by the higher egotism of the State, whose will impels and directs the whole national apparatus. Buonaparte's ideal State enjoyed this untrammelled power because it was the organ of the people's will. Naïvely he believed that only hereditary monarchies could be tyrants. He scorned the ''[[w:Ancien régime|ancien régime]]'' in France, with its agglomeration of different societies, partly regional, partly aristocratic, guild or religious; this is what constitutes the "privilege" which he and other progressives wished to sweep away. Buonaparte's chief complaint against the [[Catholic Church]], for instance, lay in the very fact that it was independent of the State... Buonaparte's political ideas thus point straight towards the tyranny of the [[w:French Consulate|Consulate]] and the [[w:First French Empire|Empire]]; indeed towards every modern tyranny where the State bosses the entire life of the people in the people's name. **[[Correlli Barnett]], ''Bonaparte'' (1978), pp. 23-24 *Bonaparte busied himself with extinguishing what yet remained of the [[freedom of expression]] won during the [[French Revolution|Revolution]] and with crushing what yet remained of organized opposition, whether royalist, [[w:Jacobin (politics)|Jacobin]] or merely intellectual. On 17 January 1800 he shut down sixty out of seventy-three existing newspapers; by the end of 1800 only nine remained, and those under strict [[censorship]]. The theatre was censored from April 1800. With his excessive sensitivity to personal criticism and ridicule, Bonaparte took a direct interest in this censorship... In July 1803 he ordered that bookshops be prohibited from placing new works on sale until seven days after a copy had been submitted to the censor "so that, as soon as there is an undesirable work, it can be stopped."<br>The systematic opening of private correspondence, the ubiquitous police spy, and [[w:Internment|imprisonment without trial]] completed Bonaparte's practical interpretation of the "sacred right" of liberty guaranteed by the Constitution. **[[Correlli Barnett]], ''Bonaparte'' (1978), pp. 84-85 *That contempt of humanity, that misprision of the opinion of others, that Caesarean pride, that insensitive heart and that profound moral indifference, these characteristics which distinguished Napoleon were not those of a Frenchman. **[[w:fr:Jules Barni|Jules Barni]], ''Napoléon premier et son historien M. Thiers'' (1869), quoted in Pieter Geyl, ''Napoleon For and Against'' (1949), p. 76 * In France Napoleon tamed the revolution and put it into the imperial straitjacket (and, in so doing, perhaps did more than the revolution itself to make a Bourbon restoration permanently impossible); beyond the borders of France he was the missionary and disseminator of the ideas of the revolution. Hence, as the Napoleonic legend grew through the succeeding century, the literary champions of Napoleon in France tended to be men of the Right, whereas outside France it was generally the [[Left-wing politics|Left]] which made him its idol-a perfectly natural phenomenon which Mr. Taylor needlessly attributes to the perversity of the English Left. This ambiguous role is the common destiny of heirs of revolutions, whose business it is to consolidate and stabilize the achievements of the revolution at home and capitalize them abroad. ** [[E. H. Carr]], "From Napoleon to Stalin" (1950) *One asks oneself by what sleight of hand Bonaparte, who was so much the aristocrat, who hated the people so cordially, has been able to obtain the popularity which he enjoys. For there is no gainsaying the fact that this subjugator has remained popular with a nation which once made it a point of honour to raise altars to independence and equality. Here is the solution.<br>It is a matter of daily observation that the Frenchman's instinct is to strive after power; he cares not for liberty; equality is his idol. Now there is a hidden connection between equality and despotism. In both these respects Napoleon had a pull over the hearts of the French, who have a military liking for power and are democratically fond of seeing everything levelled. When he mounted the throne, he took the people with him. A proletarian king, he humiliated kings and noblemen in his anterooms. He levelled the ranks, not down but up. To have dragged them down to plebeian depths would have flattered the envy of the lowest; the higher level was more pleasing to their pride. French vanity, too, enjoyed the superiority which Bonaparte gave us over the rest of Europe. Another cause of Napoleon's popularity is the affliction of his latter days. After his death, as his sufferings on St. Helena became better known, people's hearts began to soften; his tyranny was forgotten; it was remembered how, having vanquished our enemies and subsequently having brought them into France, he defended our soil against them; we fancy that if he were alive today he would save us from the ignominy in which we are living. His misfortunes have revived his name among us, his glory has fed on his wretchedness.<br>The miracles wrought by his arms have bewitched our youth, and have taught us to worship brute force. The most insolent ambition is spurred on by his unique career to aspire to the heights which he attained. **[[François-René de Chateaubriand]], ''[[w:Mémoires d'Outre-Tombe|Mémoires d'Outre-Tombe: Tome Quatrième]]'' (1849), p. 57, quoted in Pieter Geyl, ''Napoleon For and Against'' (1949), pp. 28-29 * '''Bonaparte robs a nation of its independence: deposed as emperor, he is sent into exile, where the world's anxiety still does not think him safely enough imprisoned, guarded by the [[Atlantic Ocean|Ocean]].''' He dies: the news proclaimed on the door of the palace in front of which the conqueror had announced so many funerals, neither detains nor astonishes the passer-by: what have the [[Citizenship|citizens]] to mourn? <br> [[George Washington|Washington]]'s [[United States|Republic]] lives on; Bonaparte's empire is destroyed. '''Washington and Bonaparte emerged from the womb of democracy: both of them born to liberty, the former remained faithful to her, the latter betrayed her.''' ** [[François-René de Chateaubriand]], in ''[[w:Mémoires d'Outre-Tombe|Mémoires d'outre-tombe]]'' (1848 – 1850), Book VI, Ch. 8 : Comparison of Washington and Bonaparte * The Emperor is mad, completely mad, and will destroy us all; this will all end in some horrible crash. **[[w:Denis Decrès|Denis Decrès]], quoted in Theodore Ayrault Dodge, ''Napoleon: A History of the Art of War, from the Beginning of the Peninsular War to the End of the Russian Campaign, with a Detailed Account of the Napoleonic Wars, Volume III'' (1907), p. 427 * Sire, sleep in peace; from the tomb itself you labor continually for France. At every danger to the country, our flags quiver at the passage of the [[Eagles|Eagle]]. If our legions have returned victorious through the triumphal arch which you built, it is because the sword of Austerlitz marked out their direction, showing how to unite and lead the army that, won the victory. Your masterly lessons, your determined labors, remain indefeasible examples. In studying them and meditating on them the art of war grows daily greater. It is only in the reverently and thoughtfully gathered rays of your immortal glory that generations of the distant future shall succeed in grasping the science of combat and the management of armies for the sacred cause of the defense of the country. ** [[Ferdinand Foch]], Elegy at the Tomb of Napoleon, as quoted in ''The World's Greatest Speeches'' (1999), p. 209 * I never admired the character of the first Napoleon; but I recognize his great genius. His work, too, has left its impress for good on the face of Europe. The third Napoleon could have no claim to having done a good or just act. ** [[Ulysses S. Grant]], [https://www.gutenberg.org/files/4367/4367-h/4367-h.htm ''Personal Memoirs of U. S. Grant''] (1885), emphasis added * '''I don't know why, but the little bastard scares me.''' ** [http://www.laura-harrington.com/index4.html Laura Harrington], in ''[https://pilgrimtheatre.org/ slot gacor]'', portraying a comment by one of his generals when he showed up to command the army of Italy. * For the Napoleonic myth is based less on Napoleon’s merits than on the facts, then unique, of his career. The great known world-shakers of the past had begun as kings like Alexander or patricians like Julius Caesar; but Napoleon was the ‘little corporal’ who rose to rule a continent by sheer personal talent. (This was not strictly true, but his rise was sufficiently meteoric and high to make the description reasonable.) Every young intellectual who devoured books, as the young Bonaparte had done, wrote bad poems and novels, and adored Rousseau could henceforth see the sky as his limit, laurels surrounding his monogram. Every businessman henceforth had a name for his ambition: to be—the clichés themselves say so—a ‘Napoleon of finance’ or industry. All common men were thrilled by the sight, then unique, of a common man who became greater than those born to wear crowns. Napoleon gave ambition a personal name at the moment when the double revolution had opened the world to men of ambition. Yet he was more. He was the civilized man of the eighteenth century, rationalist, inquisitive, enlightened, but with sufficient of the disciple of Rousseau about him to be also the romantic man of the nineteenth. He was the man of the Revolution, and the man who brought stability. In a word, he was the figure every man who broke with tradition could identify himself with in his dreams.<br>For the French he was also something much simpler: the most successful ruler in their long history. He triumphed gloriously abroad; but at home he also established or re-established the apparatus of French institutions as they exist to this day. Admittedly most—perhaps all—his ideas were anticipated by Revolution and Directory; his personal contribution was to make them rather more [[Conservatism|conservative]], hierarchical and authoritarian. But his predecessors anticipated: he carried out. The great lucid monuments of French law, the Codes which became models for the entire non-[[Anglo-Saxons|Anglo-Saxon]] [[Bourgeoisie|bourgeois]] world, were Napoleonic. The [[hierarchy]] of officials, from the prefects down, of courts, of [[Universities|university]] and schools, was his. The great ‘careers’ of French public life, army, civil service, education, law still have their Napoleonic shapes. He brought stability and prosperity to all except the quarter-of-a-million Frenchmen who did not return from his wars; and even to their relatives he brought glory. No doubt the [[United Kingdom|British]] saw themselves fighting for [[liberty]] against [[tyranny]]; but in 1815 most [[Englishmen]] were probably poorer and worse off than they had been in 1800, while most Frenchmen were almost certainly better off; nor had any except the still negligible [[Wage slavery|wage-labourers]] lost the substantial economic benefits of the Revolution. There is little mystery about the persistence of Bonapartism as an ideology of non-political Frenchmen, especially the richer peasantry, after his fall. It took a second and smaller Napoleon to dissipate it between 1851 and 1870.<br>He had destroyed only one thing: the Jacobin Revolution, the dream of equality, liberty and fraternity, and of the people rising in its majesty to shake off oppression. It was a more powerful myth than his, for after his fall it was this, and not his memory, which inspired the revolutions of the nineteenth century, even in his own country. ** [[Eric Hobsbawm]], ''The Age of Revolution'' (1962), Chap. 3 : The French Revolution * He found his best satisfaction not in pleasure but in toil. He could live with little food, little sleep - and very little dalliance. The one thing he could ''not'' dispense with was work, and work in prodigious quantities. ** Tighe Hopkins in ''The Women Napoleon Loved'' *A little while ago, I stood by the grave of the old Napoleon, a magnificent tomb, and I gazed upon the sarcophagus of rare and nameless marble, where rest at last the ashes of that restless man. I leaned over the balustrade and thought about the career of the greatest soldier of the modern world. I saw him walking upon the banks of the Seine, contemplating suicide. I saw him at Toulon—I saw him putting down the mob in the streets of Paris—I saw him at the head of the army of Italy—I saw him crossing the bridge of Lodi with the tri-color in his hand—I saw him in Egypt in the shadows of the pyramids—I saw him conquer the Alps and mingle the eagles of France with the eagles of the crags. I saw him at Marengo—at Ulm and Austerlitz. I saw him in Russia, where the infantry of the snow and the cavalry of the wild blast scattered his legions like winter's withered leaves. I saw him at Leipsic in defeat and disaster—driven by a million bayonets back upon Paris—clutched like a wild beast—banished to Elba. I saw him escape and retake an empire by the force of his genius. I saw him upon the frightful field of Waterloo, where [[Chance]] and [[Fate]] combined to wreck the fortunes of their former king. And I saw him at St. Helena, with his hands crossed behind him, gazing out upon the sad and solemn sea. I thought of the orphans and widows he had made—of the tears that had been shed for his glory, and of the only woman who ever loved him, pushed from his heart by the cold hand of ambition. And I said I would rather have been a French peasant and worn wooden shoes. I would rather have lived in a hut with a vine growing over the door, and the grapes growing purple in the kisses of the autumn sun. I would rather have been that poor peasant with my loving wife by my side, knitting as the day died out of the sky—with my children upon my knees and their arms about me—I would rather have been that man and gone down to the tongueless silence of the dreamless dust, than to have been that imperial impersonation of force and murder, known as 'Napoleon the Great'. **[[Robert G. Ingersoll]], The Liberty of Man, Woman and Child * The genius continually discovers fate, and the more profound the genius, the more profound the discovery of fate. To spiritlessness, this is naturally foolishness, but in actuality it is greatness, because no man is born with the idea of providence, and those who think that one acquires it gradually though education are greatly mistaken, although I do not thereby deny the significance of education. Not until sin is reached is providence posited. Therefore the genius has an enormous struggle to reach providence. If he does not reach it, truly he becomes a subject for the study of fate. The genius is an omnipotent ''Ansich'' [in itself] which as such would rock the whole world. For the sake of order, another figure appears along with him, namely fate. [[w:Fate|Fate]] is [[w:Nothing|nothing]]. It is the genius himself who discovers it, and the more profound the genius, the more profoundly he discovers fate, because that figure is merely the anticipation of providence. If he continues to be merely a genius and turns outward, he will accomplish astonishing things; nevertheless, he will always succumb to fate, if not outwardly, so that it is tangible and visible to all, then inwardly. Therefore, a genius-existence is always like a fairy tale if in the deepest sense the genius does not turn inward into himself. The genius is able to do all things, and yet he is dependent upon an insignificance that no one comprehends, an insignificance upon which the genius himself by his omnipotence bestows omnipotent significance. Therefore, a [[w:Napoleon I|second lieutenant]], if he is a genius, is able to become an emperor and change the world, so that there becomes one empire and one emperor. But therefore, too, the army may be drawn up for battle, the conditions for the battle absolutely favorable, and yet in the next moment wasted; a kingdom of heroes may plead that the order for battle be given-but he cannot; he must wait for the fourteenth of June. And why? Because that was the date of the [[w:Battle of Marengo|battle of Marengo]]. So all things may be in readiness, he himself stands before the legions, waiting only for the sun to rise in order to announce the time for the oration that will electrify the soldiers, and the sun may rise more glorious than ever, an inspiring and inflaming sight for all, only not for him, because the sun did not rise as glorious as this at [[w:Battle of Austerlitz|Austerlitz]], and only the sun of Austerlitz gives victory and inspiration. Thus, the inexplicable passion with which such a one may often rage against an entirely insignificant man, when otherwise he may show humanity and kindness even toward his enemies. Yes, woe unto the man, woe unto the woman, woe unto the innocent child, woe unto the beast of the field, woe unto the bird whose flight, woe unto the tree whose branch comes in his way at the moment he is to interpret his omen. ** [[Søren Kierkegaard]], ''The Concept of Anxiety'', Nichol p. 98-100 (1844) * He was the God of War. ** [[Theodoros Kolokotronis]], ''Kolokotronis Memoirs'' by Georgios Tertsetis *Do not think that he will restore [[Poland]]: he thinks only of himself. He hates every great nationality and still more the spirit of independence. He is a tyrant, and his only aim is to satisfy his own ambition. I am sure he will create nothing durable. **[[Tadeusz Kościuszko]], quoted in J. Holland Rose, 'Napoleon and Poland', in W. F. Reddaway, J. H. Penson, O. Halecksi and R. Dyboski (eds.), ''The Cambridge History of Poland: From Augustus II to Pilsudski (1697–1935)'' (1941), pp. 212-213 *If there is one characteristic and striking trait in the innumerable conversations noted down by those who could approach him most intimately, it is the absence of all unforced utterances. He is always seen concerned, either to gauge the intentions of the other person, or to make an impression on his mind so as to lead him towards a certain conclusion; it would be trouble wasted to look for a moment of abandon, of enthusiasm, of sincere outpouring, be it about himself or others. Even when he allows himself to be carried away in these coquetries of cat-like grace, the charm of which contemporaries have so repeatedly described, he does not lose sight of the effect that he is aiming at; even his rash words are calculated. He is impenetrable to those near to him as well as to strangers. It would even be impossible to point out, in the whole of his life, a single one of those sayings of philosophic self-mockery which delight us in [[Julius Caesar|Caesar]] or in [[Frederick II of Prussia|Frederick]], because they show us the man rising above his role, commenting on himself with a judgment unclouded by his own success... Napoleon is always on the stage, always concerned about the impression he is making... He is lacking in that final human greatness which consists in estimating one's self at its true value, and as a result of his incurable self-conceit he remains on the level of small minds. **[[w:Pierre Lanfrey|Pierre Lanfrey]], ''Histoire de Napoléon'', Vol. II (1867), pp. 336 sqq., quoted in Pieter Geyl, ''Napoleon For and Against'' (1949), p. 87 *What! Will you submit to give your country a master taken from a race, of origin so ignominious that the Romans disdained to employ them as slaves? **[[w:Jean-Denis Lanjuinais|Jean-Denis Lanjuinais]], speech to the senate after Napoleon became Emperor (1804), quoted in Hewson Clarke, ''An Impartial History of the Naval, Military and Political Events in Europe from the Commencement of the French Revolution to the Entrance of the Allies Into Paris and the Conclusion of a General Peace, Including a Copious & Original Narrative of the Origin & Progress of that Revolution, Biographical Memoirs of Buonaparte & Other Principal Persons, Together with a Comprehensive Account of the Transactions in America & the East & West Indies, Embellished with Fine Engravings'' (1815), pp. 1116-1117 *I have always been the victim of my attachment to him. He only loves you by fits and starts, that is, when he has need of you. **[[w:Jean Lannes|Jean Lannes]], statement during the [[w:Siege of Danzig (1807)|Siege of Danzig]] (March 1807), quoted in John Holland Rose, ''The Life of Napoleon I, Vol. II'' (1902), p. 193 * A dîner, il nous disait qu'il se trouvait beaucoup mieux, et nous lui avons fait observer, à ce sujet, que, depuis quelque temps néanmoins, il ne sortait plus, et travaillat huit, dix, douze heures par jour.<br>«C'est cela même,» disait-il: «le travail est mon élément; je suis né et construit pour le travail. J'ai connu les limites de mes jambes, j'ai connu les limites de mes yeux; je n'ai jamais pu connaître celles de mon travail.» ** At dinner, he told us that he was much better, and we pointed out to him, about this, that, for some time however, he had not been out, and had been working eight, ten, or twelve hours a day. "That is just it," said he: "work is my element; I was born and made for it. I have found the limits of my legs; I have found the limits of my eyes; but I have never been able to find the limits of my labour." ***[[w:Emmanuel, comte de Las Cases|Emmanuel, comte de Las Cases]], ''[[w:The Memorial of Saint Helena|Mémorial de Sainte Hélène]]'', Volume 6, [https://play.google.com/books/reader?id=qSliAAAAcAAJ&printsec=frontcover&output=reader&hl=en&pg=GBS.PA272 p. 272] * Although Napoleon's individual ambitions were not realised, his actions have nevertheless left the deepest impress on society. In France, the new state had not yet taken definite shape, and it was Napoleon who gave it an administrative framework that bore the marks of a master hand. The Revolution of 1789 had thrust the middle classes forward into power, but this power had then been disputed by a rising democracy. Under the protection of the emperor, the notables succeeded in recovering it, and grew in wealth and influence. Once they had got rid of the menace of the common people, they were prepared to govern and to restore liberalism. In Europe, the spread of French ideas, the influence of England, the advance of capitalism and the consequent rise of the middle classes, all tended in the same direction and resulted in a marked speeding up of evolution and the introduction of the modern order. The expansion of culture, the proclamation of the sovereignty of the people and the spread of Romanticism foreshadowed the awakening of nationalism, and Napoleon’s territorial rearrangements and reforms encouraged these trends. Capitalism was taking root in the West, and the blockade provided protection for its early stages. Romanticism had long been fermenting in Europe, and Napoleon provided its poets with the perfect hero. But though Napoleon’s influence was considerable, this was only in so far as it followed the currents that were already carrying European civilisation along with them. If historical determinism is to be brought into the picture, this is where its effects may be observed. ** [[w:Georges Lefebvre|Georges Lefebvre]], ''Napoléon'' (1935) * But [[Henry Temple, 3rd Viscount Palmerston|Palmerston]] likes to put his foot on their necks! Now, no statesman must triumph over an enemy that is not quite dead, because people forget a real loss, a real misfortune, but they won’t forget an insult. Napoleon made great mistakes that way; he hated Prussia, insulted it on all occasions, but still left it alive. The consequence was that in 1813 they rose to a man in Prussia, even children and women took arms, because they had been treated with contempt and insulted. ** [https://rc.library.uta.edu/uta-ir/bitstream/handle/10106/382/umi-uta-1517.pdf?sequence=1&isAllowed=y Early Belgian colonial Efforts: The long and fateful shadow of Leopold I] King [[Leopold I of Belgium]] in a letter to Palmerston. After both Victoria and Palmerston agreed and united against Leopold in forcing him to accept the treaty with Holland, thus settling for less than he and the Belgian people had hoped for after the revolution of 1830. *At the battle of Waterloo, when Napoleon's cavalry had charged again and again upon the unbroken squares of British infantry, at last they were giving up the attempt, and going off in disorder, when some of the officers in mere vexation and complete despair fired their pistols at those solid squares. ** [[Abraham Lincoln]], [https://archive.is/oYxvX Speech at New Haven, Connecticut] (6 March 1860) *The spirit which had produced [[French Revolution|the revolution]], which had changed the whole constitution of society in France, and had given battle to all the monarchies of Europe, was not wholly extinct; and, as the calamities of anarchy faded from the remembrance of the people, would probably become stronger and stronger. To destroy it utterly, to prevent it from ever reviving, to turn the minds of men into a course different from that in which they had moved during the greater part of the eighteenth century, was the chief object of the policy of Napoleon. He is said to have observed that nobody could conceive the difficulties of governing a people who read [[The Social Contract|the social contract]] and [[The Spirit of the Laws|the spirit of the laws]]. His whole conduct showed that he was possessed by an ambition at once the meanest and the most gigantic that ever entered into any heart. Too selfish to govern in conformity with the [[Liberalism|liberal]] principles of the age, he attempted to compress the spirit of the age into conformity with his maxims of government. Political science was to be forced backwards. The public mind of Europe was to sink into second childhood, lest the depraved ambition of one man should encounter a single obstacle. **[[Thomas Babington Macaulay]], ''Napoleon and the Restoration of the Bourbons: The Completed Portion of Macaulay's Projected "History of France from the Restoration of the Bourbons to the Accession of Louis Philippe"'', ed. Joseph Hamburger (1977), p. 56 *The press was placed under the most severe and watchful restraint. The jealously of the emperor was not confined to the writings of the living, but extended to works which had long been classical. [[Louis XIV of France|Louis the Fourteenth]], though a despot and a conqueror, had listened with respect to the noble discourse in which the eloquence of [[Jean Baptiste Massillon|Massillon]] exposed the folly and wickedness of ambition. Bonaparte dreaded the effect which those sermons might produce on a people exhausted by taxes and conscriptions. Louis the Fourteenth, superstitious as he was, defended the [[Tartuffe]] of [[Molière]] against the hypocrites and bigots of his court. Bonaparte expressed his regret that such a piece should be in possession of the stage, and declared that, if it had been new, he would not have suffered it to be performed. Coming after a revolution produced by the force of public opinion, he was more competent than any of his predecessors to estimate that force, and was more solicitous than any of them to guard against it... Every writer of every age who had set forth the evils of despotism he regarded as his personal enemy. He spoke with bitterness of the masterly portraits of [[Tacitus]], of those lessons of benevolence which are conveyed in the sweet and glowing language of [[François Fénelon|Fénélon]], and of those bold attacks on political and social abuses which form the redeeming part of the writings of [[Voltaire]]. He hated [[Anne Louise Germaine de Staël|madame de Staël]], and persecuted her with unmanly cruelty. Other despots were content to prescribe to their subjects what they should not write; the French emperor dictated almost the whole literature of France: he made it a crime not to flatter him. **[[Thomas Babington Macaulay]], ''Napoleon and the Restoration of the Bourbons: The Completed Portion of Macaulay's Projected "History of France from the Restoration of the Bourbons to the Accession of Louis Philippe"'', ed. Joseph Hamburger (1977), pp. 56-67 *If the plans of Napoleon had succeeded, if he had been able to humble Russia, to drive the English from [[Spain]], to keep down the whole continent by military force, if his life had been prolonged to the full age of man, and if his power had lasted as long as his life, it is scarcely possible to estimate the amount of evil which he would have produced. He would have renewed, perhaps for centuries, the expiring lease of tyranny... The insolence of office would have succeeded to the insolence of birth. The old aristocracy would have fallen, only that a new aristocracy, of the basest and most pernicious kind, might rise in its stead; an aristocracy of placemen, oppressing the people, and oppressed by each other. A new generation would have grown up skilfully trained and broken in to slavery, – a generation which would have derived all its political notions from books mutilated by censors, and conversations watched by spies. The government would have been like that of the [[Byzantine Empire|Byzantine empire]], or that of [[China]], – a vast official hierarchy, rising by numerous gradations, with an oppressed people beneath and a solitary tyrant at the summit; and the human intellect would have languished as it languished under the emperors of the east, and as it has for ages languished in China. **[[Thomas Babington Macaulay]], ''Napoleon and the Restoration of the Bourbons: The Completed Portion of Macaulay's Projected "History of France from the Restoration of the Bourbons to the Accession of Louis Philippe"'', ed. Joseph Hamburger (1977), p. 60 * After the first Revolution had transformed the semi-feudal peasants into freeholders, Napoleon confirmed and regulated the conditions in which they could exploit undisturbed the soil of France which they had only just acquired, and could slake their youthful passion for property. But what is now ruining the French peasant is his small holding itself, the division of the land and the soil, the property form which Napoleon consolidated in France. It is exactly these material conditions which made the feudal peasant a small-holding peasant and Napoleon an emperor. Two generations sufficed to produce the unavoidable result: progressive deterioration of agriculture and progressive indebtedness of the agriculturist. The “Napoleonic” property form, which at the beginning of the nineteenth century was the condition of the emancipation and enrichment of the French countryfolk, has developed in the course of this century into the law of their enslavement and their pauperism. And just this law is the first of the “Napoleonic ideas” which the second Bonaparte has to uphold. If he still shares with the peasants the illusion that the cause of their ruin is to be sought not in the small holdings themselves but outside them – in the influence of secondary circumstances – his experiments will shatter like soap bubbles when they come in contact with the relations of production. ** [[Karl Marx]], ''The Eighteenth Brumaire of Louis Bonaparte'' *[I]t was not until he left the military school that he gave himself up with ardour to study. He has often told me that since that date he has constantly worked sixteen hours a day. Nevertheless he already had within him the germs of the qualities which were brought out by education, and which, under the influence of events, developed to the highest degree. These dominating qualities were pride, and a sentiment of his dignity, a warlike instinct, a genius for form, the love of order and of discipline. **[[w:Claude-François de Méneval|Claude-François de Méneval]], ''Memoirs to Serve for the History of Napoleon I from 1802 to 1815, Vol. I'', translated by Robert H. Sherard (1894), p. 107 * Like a final signpost to other ways, there appeared Napoleon, the most unique and violent anachronism that ever existed, and in him the incarnate problem of the aristocratic ideal in itself—consider well what a problem it is:—Napoleon, that synthesis of Monster and Superman. ** [[Friedrich Nietzsche]], ''On the Genealogy of Morals'' * "'''What do you think'''," said he, "'''of all things in the world would give me the greatest pleasure?'''" I was on the point of replying, removal from St. Helena, when he said, "'''To be able to go about ''incognito'' in London and other parts of England, to the ''restaurateurs'', with a friend, to dine in public at the expense of half a guinea or a guinea, and listen to the conversation of the company'''; to go through them all, changing almost daily, and in this manner, with my own ears, to hear the people express their sentiments, in their unguarded moments, freely and without restraint; to hear their real opinion of myself, and of the surprising occurrences of the last twenty years." I observed, that he would hear much evil and much good of himself. "Oh, as to the evil," replied he, "I care not about that. I am well used to it. Besides, I know that the public opinion will be changed. The nation will be just as much disgusted at the libels published against me, as they formerly were greedy in reading and believing them. This," added he, "and the education of my son, would form my greatest pleasure. It was my intention to have done this, had I reached America. '''The happiest days of my life were from sixteen to twenty, during the ''semestres'', when I used to go about, as I have told you I should wish to do, from one ''restaurateur'' to another, living moderately, and having a lodging for which I paid three louis a month. They were the happiest days of my life. I was always so much occupied, that I may say I never was truly happy upon the throne.'''" ** [[w:Barry Edward O'Meara|Barry Edward O'Meara]], in ''Napoleon in Exile : or, A Voice from St. Helena'' (1822), Vol. II, p. 155 *The completest charlatan that ever existed. **[[Thomas Paine]], as quoted in [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:BookSources/0-670-03788-5 ''Thomas Paine''], by Craig Nelson, p. 299. * Bonaparte was a man of iron energy and was remorseless in the pursuit of his goal. But in those days there were not a few energetic, talented, and ambitious egoists besides him. The place Bonaparte succeeded in occupying would not have remained vacant. **Georgy Plekhanov, ''The Fundamentals of Marxism'' *As long as there had been a civilian government, and a constitution, and a republic, there were at least the roots from which liberty might still spring, to blossom once more; now there came, with the sword, a regime on principle opposed to liberty. **[[Edgar Quinet]], ''La Révolution'' (1865), quoted in Pieter Geyl, ''Napoleon For and Against'' (1949), p. 78 *The ideal of Napoleon was the Empire of [[Constantine the Great|Constantine]], and of [[Theodosius I|Theodosius]]. He inherited this tradition as did all the Italian [[w:Guelphs and Ghibellines|Ghibellines]], from his ancestors... Instead of assisting the liberation of the individual conscience, he always postulated a Pope, of whom he would be the Emperor and master. It is a conception which takes its origins from the idea of the Ghibellines and the medieval commentators. When he dreams of the future it is always of the submissive world of a [[Justinian I|Justinian]] or a Theodosius, as imagined by the medieval imperialist thinkers. In the midst of such concepts modern freedom seemed an anachronism; worse, to him it could appear only as the people's whim, as a snare for his power. **[[Edgar Quinet]], ''La Révolution'' (1865), quoted in Pieter Geyl, ''Napoleon For and Against'' (1949), pp. 83-84 * Messieurs, nous avons un maître, ce jeune homme fait tout, peut tout, et veut tout. ** Translation: ''Gentlemen, we have a master; this young man does everything, can do everything and will do everything''. ** [[Emmanuel-Joseph Sieyès]], reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), "Character", p. 105 *From the early days of the [[French Revolution]] political prophets had been foretelling that this revolution would find its embodiment in a man, who, through it, would subdue France and govern her with a power greater than that which had been [[Louis XIV of France|Louis XIV]]'s. Bonaparte saw it, as it had been divined by [[w:Honoré Gabriel Riqueti, comte de Mirabeau|Mirabeau]] and [[Catherine II of Russia|Catherine]], but with his Roman vision of history he had a clearer conception of it than the others. He more particularly ''feels'' it, since this history, which is revealed to his intellect, lives in him and seems to be living for his sake. He does not analyse it, he finds no subtle delectation in it; he goes for it, clearing away one obstacle after another; he sets out for the Empire after the fashion of [[Christopher Columbus|Columbus]], who reached the new world while imagining that he was encircling the old. The others are fearing, expecting or blindly seeking the predicted and inevitable "Man". He knows him, for he will be that man. He reveals to himself his ambition, as his destiny finds its explanation in history. **[[w:Albert Sorel|Albert Sorel]], ''L'Europe at la Révolution Française. Cinquième Partie: Bonaparte et le Directoire 1795–1799'' (1903), pp. 179-180, quoted in Pieter Geyl, ''Napoleon For and Against'' (1949), p. 261 *[[w:Condottiero|Condottiere]] without manners, without fatherland, without morality, an oriental despot, a new [[Attila]], a warrior who knew only how to corrupt and annihilate. **[[Anne Louise Germaine de Staël|Madame de Staël]], quoted in Caroline Moorehead, ''Dancing to the Precipice: Lucie de la Tour Du Pin and the French Revolution'' (2010), p. 357 *'''Napoleon, far more Italian than French, Italian by race, by instinct, imagination, and souvenir, considers in his plan the future of Italy, and, on casting up the final accounts of his reign, we find that the net profit is for Italy and the net loss is for France.''' Since Theodoric and the Lombard kings, the Pope, in preserving his temporal sovereignty and spiritual omnipotence, has maintained the sub-divisions of Italy; let this obstacle be removed and Italy will once more become a nation. Napoleon prepares the way, and constitutes it beforehand by restoring the Pope to his primitive condition, by withdrawing from him his temporal sovereignty and limiting his spiritual omnipotence, by reducing him to the position of managing director of Catholic consciences and head minister of the principal cult authorized in the empire. **[[Hippolyte Taine]] in Napoleon's views on religion. <ref>[https://archive.org/stream/jstor-25102177/25102177_djvu.txt Archive]</ref> *That illustrious war chief became the pacifier of France: he restored the country's national cohesion; that is his glory, his incontestable glory, against which nothing will prevail. Could he have achieved through liberty that pacification which he accomplished by authority? Supposing that this great winner of victories had been able to triumph over himself, could he at least have granted to the French certain political rights, have allowed some control, have called the nation to exercise certain liberties, have prepared her for a more intimate knowledge of affairs, thus helping her on the way to a more normal destiny? Did such an attempt hold out any prospect of success, could it even be undertaken, on the morrow of unheard-of convulsions, at a time when the parties of violence were under control, rather than exterminated, when so few Frenchmen had acquired any feeling and any taste for legality; at a time especially when France, triumphant though she was, within her extended frontiers and in the wide development of her offensive and defensive fronts, nevertheless remained a vast fortress besieged by Europe? If Bonaparte in that crisis had made a beginning with the founding of liberty, he would have proved himself superior to his age, superior to himself. It is impossible to say whether the undertaking would have surpassed his genius; it was certainly above the reach of his character. But while not attempting ''this'', he devoted the respite left him by his truce with Europe to proceeding with his work of interior reconstruction and to reinfusing order and greatness into all parts of the Commonwealth. **[[w:Albert Vandal|Albert Vandal]], ''L'avènement de Bonaparte'' (1902), quoted in Pieter Geyl, ''Napoleon For and Against'' (1949), pp. 231-232 *A quarter of an hour later came Napoleon. I received him with Countess Tauenzien at the foot of the staircase. He is excessively ugly, with a flat, swollen, sallow face; he is very corpulent besides, short, and entirely without figure; his great round eyes roll gloomily about, the expression of his features is severe, he looks like the incarnation of fate. Only his mouth is well shaped, and his teeth are good also. **[[w:Sophie Marie von Voß|Sophie Marie von Voß]], diary entry on Napoleon's meeting with [[w:Louise of Mecklenburg-Strelitz|Queen Louise]] of Prussia at [[w:Treaties of Tilsit|Tilsit]] (6 July 1807), quoted in Sophie Marie Countess von Voss, ''Sixty-Nine Years at the Court of Prussia, Vol. II'', translated by Emily and Agnes Stephenson (1876), p. 109 * '''I used to say of him that his presence on the field made the difference of forty thousand men.''' ** [[Arthur Wellesley, 1st Duke of Wellington]], spoken statement (2 November 1831), as quoted in ''Notes of Conversations with the Duke of Wellington'' (1886) by [[w:Philip Stanhope, 5th Earl Stanhope|Philip Henry Stanhope]] * In early life he may have been a sincere republican; but he hated anarchy and disorder, and, before his campaign in Italy was over, he had begun to plan to make himself ruler of France. '''He worked systematically to transform the people's earlier ardor for liberty into a passion for military glory and plunder.''' ** [http://www.archive.org/search.php?query=creator%3A%22Willis%20Mason%20West%22 Willis Mason West] in [http://www.archive.org/details/storyworldprogr00westgoog ''The Story of World Progress'' (1922), p. 434] *That monster, choked out of hell, formed by [[w:Beelzebub|Beelzebub]], formed to be the scorching of the earth ** [[w:Frederick William II of Prussia|Frederick William II of Prussia]] ===''Le Moniteur Universel''=== * The cannibal has left his lair. ** ''Le Moniteur Universel'', March 9, 1815. * The Corsican ogre has just landed at the Juan Gulf. ** ''Le Moniteur Universel'', March 10, 1815. * The tiger has arrived at Gap. ** ''Le Moniteur Universel'', March 11, 1815. * The monster slept at Grenoble. ** ''Le Moniteur Universel'', March 12, 1815. * The tyrant has crossed Lyons. ** ''Le Moniteur Universel'', March 13, 1815. * The usurper was seen sixty leagues from the capital. ** ''Le Moniteur Universel'', March 18, 1815. * Bonaparte has advanced with great strides, but he will never enter Paris. ** ''Le Moniteur Universel'', March 19, 1815. * Tomorrow, Napoleon will be under our ramparts. ** ''Le Moniteur Universel'', March 20, 1815. * The Emperor has arrived at Fontainbleau. ** ''Le Moniteur Universel'', March 21, 1815. * His Imperial and Royal Majesty entered his palace at the Tuileries last night in the midst of his faithful subjects. ** ''Le Moniteur Universel'', March 22, 1815. == External links == {{wikipedia|Napoleon I of France}} {{wikisource author|Napoleon Bonaparte}} {{commons|Napoléon Bonaparte}} * [http://edu-archive.org/protect.php?url=http://www.pbs.org/empires/napoleon/home.html Napoleon] at PBS : a biography of Napoleon **{{gutenberg|no=3567|name=Memoirs of Napoleon}} **{{gutenberg|no=14300|name=The Life of Napoleon I}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Napoleon I of France}} [[Category:Military leaders from France]] [[Category:Monarchs from France]] [[Category:Academics from France]] [[Category:Emperors]] [[Category:1769 births]] [[Category:1821 deaths]] [[Category:Prisoners]] <!-- links de acesso rapido --> c4e4wl1ry5khrsthlxw26v51o0geave 3779047 3779046 2025-07-15T08:59:10Z Cagliost 3102 Not in this or any source 3779047 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Jacques Louis David - Bonaparte franchissant le Grand Saint-Bernard, 20 mai 1800 - Google Art Project.jpg|thumb|right|The [[Truth|true]] [[character]] of [[man]] ever displays itself in [[great]] events.]] '''[[w:Napoleon I of France|Napoléon Bonaparte]]''' ([[15 August]] [[1769]] – [[5 May]] [[1821]]) was a [[France|French]] military general who rose dramatically up the ranks of the French Army during the [[French Revolution]], becoming the ruler of [[France]] as First Consul of the French Republic (11 November 1799 - 18 May 1804), and then Emperor of the French and King of Italy under the name '''Napoleon I''' (18 May 1804 - 6 April 1814, and again briefly from 20 March - 22 June 1815). He died in exile on the island of [[w:Saint Helena|Saint Helena]]. [[File:Jacques-Louis David 011.jpg|thumb|right|[[All|Everything]] tells me I shall succeed.]] [[File:Pierre-Paul Prud'hon 001.jpg|thumb|right|My waking [[thoughts]] are all of thee...]] [[File:Jacques-Louis David - The Emperor Napoleon in His Study at the Tuileries - Google Art Project 2.jpg|thumb|right|The barbarous [[custom]] of having men beaten who are suspected of having important [[secrets]] to reveal must be abolished.]] [[File:Napoleons retreat from moscow.jpg|thumb|right|From the sublime to the ridiculous is but a step.]] [[File:Ingres, Napoleon on his Imperial throne.jpg|thumb|right|What is a throne? — a bit of wood gilded and covered in velvet... I am the throne.]] [[File:Jean-Louis-Ernest Meissonier-Campagne de France.jpg|thumb|right|France is invaded; I am leaving to take command of my troops, and, with [[God]]'s help and their valor, I hope soon to drive the [[enemy]] beyond the frontier.]] [[File:Baron François Gérard - Joséphine in coronation costume - Google Art Project.jpg|thumb|right|I generally had to give in.]] [[File:DelarocheNapoleon.jpg|thumb|right|I never was truly my own master but was always ruled by circumstances.]] [[File:Rostock Bluecherdenkmal ohne Sockel 2011-02-12.jpg|thumb|right|Ordinary men died, men of iron were taken prisoner: I only brought back with me men of bronze.]] == Quotes == *You [[French people|Frenchmen]], not content with having robbed us of everything we held dear, have also corrupted our character. The actual condition of [[w:Corsica|my country]], and the impossibility of changing it, is another reason for escaping from an earth, where I am obliged to praise men from a sense of [[duty]], whom I must hate from a sense of virtue. When I arrive in my fatherland, what attitude am I to hold—what language am I to use? A good patriot ought to die when his fatherland has ceased to exist. If the deliverance of my fellow-countrymen depended upon the death of a single man, I would go immediately and plunge the sword which would avenge my country and its violated laws into the breast of tyrants. **'On Suicide' (May 1786), quoted in Oscar Browning, ''The Boyhood and Youth of Napoleon: Some Chapters on the Life of Bonaparte, 1769–1793'' (1906), p. 284 * '''Send me 300 francs; that sum will enable me to go to [[Paris]]. There, at least, one can cut a figure and surmount obstacles. Everything tells me I shall succeed. Will you prevent me from doing so for the want of 100 crowns?''' ** Letter to his uncle, [[w:Joseph Fesch|Joseph Fesch]] (June 1791), as quoted in ''A Selection from the Letters and Despatches of the First Napoleon. With Explanatory Notes'' (1884) edited by D. A. Bingham, Vol. I, p. 24 *Hand weapons were the main weapons of the ancients; it is with his short sword that the legionary conquered the world. It is with the Macedonian lance that [[Alexander the Great|Alexander]] conquered Asia. **Precis des Guerres Cesar Das Napoleon I * '''My waking [[thoughts]] are all of thee.''' Your portrait and the remembrance of last night's delirium have robbed my senses of repose. Sweet and incomparable Josephine, what an extraordinary influence you have over my heart. Are you vexed? Do I see you sad? Are you ill at ease? My soul is broken with grief, and there is no rest for your lover. ** Letter to [[w:Joséphine de Beauharnais|Joséphine de Beauharnais]] (February 1796), as translated in ''Napoleon's Letters to Josephine 1796-1812'' (1901) edited by Henry Foljambe Hall * '''[[All]] [[great]] events hang by a hair. The man of [[ability]] takes advantage of everything and neglects nothing that can give him a [[chance]] of [[success]]; whilst the less able man sometimes loses everything by neglecting a single one of those chances.''' ** Letter to Minister of Foreign Affairs, Passariano (26 September 1797), as quoted in ''Napoleon as a General'' (1902) by Maximilian Yorck von Wartenburg, p. 269 * '''From the heights of these [[pyramids]], forty centuries look down on us.''' ** Speech to his troops in Egypt (21 July 1798) Variant translation: "Soldiers, from the summit of yonder pyramids forty centuries look down upon you...". Published in the autobiography of French general [[w:Eugène de Beauharnais|Eugène de Beauharnais]]. * '''What I have done up to this is nothing. I am only at the beginning of the course I must run.''' Do you imagine that I triumph in [[Italy]] in order to aggrandise the pack of lawyers who form the Directory, and men like [[Lazare Carnot|Carnot]] and [[w:Paul François Jean Nicolas, vicomte de Barras|Barras]]? What an idea! ** As quoted in ''Memoirs of Count Miot de Melito'' (1788 - 1815) as translated by Frances Cashel Hoey and John Lillie (1881), Vol. II, p. 94 * '''I do not care to play the part of [[George Monck, 1st Duke of Albemarle|Monk]]; I will not play it myself, and I do not choose that others shall do so.''' But those Paris lawyers who have got into the Directory understand nothing of government. They are poor creatures. I am going to see what they want to do at Rastadt; but I doubt much that we shall understand each other, or long agree together. They are jealous of me, I know, and notwithstanding all their flattery, I am not their dupe; they fear more than they love me. They were in a great hurry to make me General of the army of [[England]], so that they might get me out of Italy, where I am the master, and am more of a sovereign than commander of an army. They will see how things go on when I am not there. I am leaving [[w:Louis Alexandre Berthier|Berthier]], but he is not fit for the chief command, and, I predict, will only make blunders. As for myself, my dear Miot, I may inform you, I can no longer obey; I have tasted command, and I cannot give it up. I have made up my mind, if I cannot be master I shall leave France; I do not choose to have done so much for her and then hand her over to lawyers. ** Conversation at Turin, as quoted in ''Memoirs of Count Miot de Melito'' (1788 - 1815) as translated by Frances Cashel Hoey and John Lillie (1881), Vol. II, p. 113 ** 'Monk' refers to [[w:George_Monck,_1st_Duke_of_Albemarle|George Monck]], military ruler of [[Puritanism|Puritan]] [[England]] after [[Oliver Cromwell|Cromwell]], who ultimately gave up power when he invited [[Charles II of England|Charles II]] in and enabled the [[w:English Restoration|English Restoration]] * I hope the [[time]] is not far off when I shall be able to unite all the wise and educated men of all the countries and establish a uniform regime based on the principles of the ''[[Quran]]'' which alone are true and which alone can lead men to [[happiness]]. ** Letter to Sheikh El-Messiri (28 August 1798); published in ''Correspondance Napoleon'' edited by Henri Plon (1861), Vol.4, No. 3148, p. 420 *The sanhedrin is at least useful to me.* * '''The barbarous custom of having men beaten who are suspected of having important [[secrets]] to reveal must be abolished. It has always been recognized that this way of interrogating men, by putting them to [[torture]], produces nothing worthwhile. The poor wretches say anything that comes into their [[mind]] and what they think the interrogator wishes to know.''' ** On the subject of torture, in a letter to [[w:Louis Alexandre Berthier|Louis Alexandre Berthier]] (11 November 1798), published in ''Correspendance Napoleon'' edited by Henri Plon (1861), Vol. V, No. 3605, p. 128 *Even in the midst of war I have never neglected the establishment of useful institutions and the promotion of peace and order at home. There still remains much to be done, and I certainly shall never rest from my labours. But is not military success still more necessary to dazzle or to content our people? Remember that a First Consul bears no resemblance to those [[King|Kings]] by the grace of God who look on their countries as their inherited property. Their authority is supported by [[Antiquity|ancient]] tradition. With us ancient tradition has fallen into contempt, and carries less than no weight. The French Government of to-day bears no sort of resemblance to that of the countries which surround us. Hated by its neighbours, obliged to deal at home with large classes of enemies, we have need to impose on our friends and foes by deeds of glory gained only by war. **Remarks to [[w:Antoine Claire Thibaudeau|Antoine Claire Thibaudeau]] during the [[w:Treaty of Amiens|Peace of Amiens]] (1802), quoted in Antoine Claire Thibaudeau, ''Bonaparte and the Consulate'', translated and edited by G. K. Fortescue (1908), pp. 119-120 * '''A form of [[government]] that is not the result of a long sequence of shared experiences, efforts, and endeavors can never take root.''' ** Statement (1803) as quoted in ''The Mind of Napoleon'' (1955) by J. Christopher Herold *Anarchy is the stepping stone to absolute power. **Napoleon Bonaparte, ''Napoleon's War Maxims: With His Social and Political Thoughts'' (1804-15), Gale & Polden, (1899) p. 148 *[[Commerce]] unites men and make them; therefore it is fatal to despotic power. **Napoleon Bonaparte, ''Napoleon's War Maxims: With His Social and Political Thoughts'' (1804-15), Gale & Polden, (1899) p. 150 * For my part, it is not the mystery of the incarnation which I discover in religion, but the mystery of social order, which associates with heaven that idea of equality which prevents the rich from destroying the poor. [Incorrect translation, should be ''prevents the rich from being massacred by the poor.''] Religion is indeed a kind of vaccine innoculation, which, by satisfying our natural love for the marvellous, keeps us out of the hands of charlatans and conjurors. The priests are better than the Cagliostros, the Kants, and all the visionaries of Germany. **Napoleon in council, or, The opinions delivered by Bonaparte in the Council of state. Translated by Capt. Basil Hall. [https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/pt?id=hvd.hwkzmn&seq=278&q1=innoculation p. 258]. Quoted in Andrew Roberts: ''Napoleon: A Life'' ** ''Quant à moi, je ne vois pas dans la religion le mystère de l'incarnation, mais le mystère de l'ordre social; elle rattache au ciel une idée d'égalité qui empêche que le riche ne soit massacré par le pauvre. La religion est encore une sorte d'inoculation ou de vaccine qui, en satisfaisant notre amour du merveilleux, nous garantit des charlatans et des sorciers: les prêtres valent mieux que les Cagliostro, les Kant et tous les rêveurs d'Allemagne.'' *** Statement, March 4, 1806, as reported in ''Opinions de Napoléon sur divers sujets de politique et d'administration, recueillies par un membre de son conseil d'état'' as recalled by Baron [[w:Joseph Pelet de la Lozère|Joseph Pelet de la Lozère]] (1833), [https://gallica.bnf.fr/ark:/12148/bpt6k96493110/f231.image.r=Innoculation p. 223] *My intention is that the main village where the [[insurrection]] started shall be burnt, and that thirty of the ringleaders shall be shot; an impressive example is needed to contain the hatred of the [[Peasant|peasantry]] and of that [[Soldiers|soldiery]]. If you have not yet made an example, let there be one without delay... Let not the month pass without the principal village, borough, or small town which gave the signal for the insurrection being burned, and a large number of individuals being shot... Traces must be left in the cantons which have rebelled. **Letter to the commander-in-chief on the revolt in Hesse (8 January 1807), quoted in Pieter Geyl, ''Napoleon For and Against'' (1949), p. 172 *I am not satisfied with the order which is kept in Madrid; [[w:Augustin Daniel Belliard|Belliard]] is too weak; with the Spaniards it is necessary to be severe. I have arrested here fifteen of the worst characters, and I have ordered them to be shot. Arrest thirty at Madrid... If you treat the mob with kindness, these creatures fancy themselves invulnerable; if you hang a few, they get tired of the game, and become as submissive and humble as they ought to be. **Letter to [[w:Joseph Bonaparte|Joseph Bonaparte]], King of Spain (10 January 1809), quoted in ''The Confidential Correspondence of Napoleon Bonaparte with His Brother Joseph, Sometime King of Spain: Selected and Translated, with Explanatory Notes, from the "Mémoires Du Roi Joseph". Vol. II'' (1855), p. 15 * ''' So…Bessieres lived like [[w:Bayard (legend)|Bayard]]; he died like [[w:Henri de La Tour d'Auvergne, Viscount of Turenne|Turenne]]. We should all be envious of his fate. ** During the early phase of the [[w:Battle of Bautzen (1813)|Battle of Bautzen]] * Conscripts, for shame! It was on you that I was basing my hopes. I expected much from your young courage, and you are running away! ** During the [[Battle of Lutzen (1813) | Battle of Lutzen]] * ''Where do you think you are going? Can’t you see that the battle is won? Come on, stand firm!'' ** During the final stages of the Battle of Lutzen * I have gained the battle of Lutzen like the general-in-chief of the [[Army of Italy]] and of the [[Army of Egypt]]! ** During the final push of [[Battle of Lutzen (1813) | Battle of Lutzen]]. * '''From the sublime to the ridiculous is but a step.''' ** Speaking about troubles in the invasions of Russia (10 December 1812), as recorded by Abbé du Pradt, and quoted in ''History of Europe from the Commencement of the French Revolution in 1789, to the Restoration of the Bourbons in 1815'', Vol. 3 (1842) by Sir Archibald Alison, p. 593 ** Variant translations: <br> '''There is but one step from the sublime to the ridiculous.''' <br> There is only one step from the sublime to the ridiculous. * ''Le mot impossible n'est pas français.'' ** '''The word impossible is not French.''' ** Letter to General [[w:fr:Jean Le Marois|Jean Le Marois]] (9 July 1813), quoted in ''Famous Sayings and their Authors'' (1906) by Edward Latham, p. 138 ** Variant translation: '''You write to me that it is impossible; the word is not French.''' ** Variant attribution: '''Impossible is a word to be found only in the dictionary of fools.''' ** The letter says: "Ce n'est pas possible", m'ecrivez-vous: cela n'est pas français.[http://books.google.es/books?id=TqvSAAAAMAAJ&pg=PA479&dq=correspondance+napoleon+Ier+9+juillet+1813&hl=es&ei=tT3ATqzaNImu8gP01dH9Aw&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=1&ved=0CC4Q6AEwAA#v=onepage&q&f=false Original Source] * '''If the [[art]] of [[war]] were nothing but the art of avoiding risks, [[glory]] would become the prey of mediocre minds.... I have made all the calculations; [[fate]] will do the rest.''' ** Statement at the beginning of the 1813 campaign, as quoted in ''The Mind of Napoleon'' (1955) by J. Christopher Herold, p. 45 * '''All authority is in the throne; and what is the throne? This wooden frame covered with velvet? No, I am the throne.''' ** [https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Napoleon%27s_Addresses/Part_V#Address_to_the_Legislative_Body,_December,_1813. Address to the Legislative Body (December 1813)]; he here echoes the remark attributed to [[w:Louis XIV|Louis XIV]] ''L'état c'est moi'' ( "The State is I" or more commonly: "I am the State.") <!-- ** Variants: ** '''What is a throne? — a bit of wood gilded and covered in velvet. I am the state'''— I alone am here the representative of the people. Even if I had done wrong you should not have reproached me in public — people wash their dirty linen at home. France has more need of me than I of France. ** Variant translation: '''A throne is only a bench covered with velvet...''' --> **''Qu'est-ce qu'un trône? Un morceau de bois recouvert de velours; dans la langue politique, le trône c'est moi.'' **Histoire de l'empereur Napoleon, [https://books.google.com/books?id=Uh2S3GUoO4EC&pg=PA435 pg 435]. * France is invaded; I am leaving to take command of my troops, and, with God's help and their valor, I hope soon to drive the enemy beyond the frontier. ** Statement at Paris (23 January 1814) {{fix cite}} * The bullet that will kill me is not yet cast. ** Statement at Montereau (17 February 1814) {{fix cite}} * The Allied Powers having proclaimed that the Emperor Napoleon is the sole obstacle to the re-establishment of peace in Europe, he, faithful to his oath, declares that he is ready to descend from the throne, to quit France, and even to relinquish life, for the good of his country. ** Act of Abdication (4 April 1814) * England will repent of bringing the Russians so far: they will deprive her of India. ** Comment made to [[Lord John Russell]], Elba 1814, as recorded in Russell's journal and quoted in ''Lady John Russell: A Memoir (1910)'' edited by Desmond McCarthy and Agatha Russell. p. 56 * Unite for the public safety, if you would remain an independent nation. ** Proclamation to the French People (22 June 1815) * Wherever wood can swim, there I am sure to find this flag of England. ** Statement at Rochefort (July 1815) {{fix cite}} * '''Whatever shall we do in that remote spot? Well, we will write our memoirs. Work is the scythe of time.''' ** On board H.M.S. Bellerophon (August 1815) {{fix cite}} * '''I generally had to give in.''' ** Statement on his relations with the Empress Josephine (19 May 1816), quoted in ''The Story of Civilization'' (1935) by [[Will Durant]] and [[w:Ariel Durant|Ariel Durant]], p. 234 *The Princes of [[W:House of Habsburg-Lorraine|this house]] have abandoned their capital, not like soldiers of honour who cede to the circumstances and setbacks of the war, but like the perjured who are pursued by their own remorse. **J. David Markham: "Imperial Glory: The Bulletins of Napoleon's Grande Armee", p. 199. Quoted in Andrew Roberts: Napoleon The Great. *I did not usurp the crown. I picked it up from the gutter; the people placed it on my head. I was king of the people as the Bourbons are kings of the nobles **3 September 1816. Quoted in ''Napoleon at St Helena'', John Stevens Cabot Abbott, [https://books.google.com/books?id=8vcsAAAAYAAJ&newbks=1&newbks_redir=0&printsec=frontcover&pg=PA375 pg 375]. **''Je n'ai point usurpé la couronne: je l'ai relevée dans le ruisseau. Le peuple l'a mise sur ma tête. Je voulais que le titre de Français fut le plus beau, le plus désirable de la terre. J'étais enfin le roi du peuple, comme les Bourbons sont les rois des nobles'' **Charles Tristan, marquis de Montholon: ''Récits de la captivité de l'empereur Napoléon a Sainte-Hélène'', [https://books.google.com/books?id=7gooAQAAIAAJ Pg 384] * '''I may have had many projects, but I never was free to carry out any of them.''' It did me little good to be holding the helm; no matter how strong my hands, the sudden and numerous waves were stronger still, and I was wise enough to yield to them rather than resist them obstinately and make the ship founder. Thus '''I never was truly my own master but was always ruled by circumstances.''' ** Conversation with [[w:Emmanuel, comte de Las Cases|Emmanuel, comte de Las Cases]] (11 November 1816), ''Mémorial de Sainte Hélène'', v. 4, [http://books.google.com/books?id=945jAAAAMAAJ&pg=PA133 p. 133]. * What then is, generally speaking, the [[truth]] of [[history]]? A fable agreed upon. ** Conversation with Emmanuel, comte de Las Cases (20 November 1816), ''Mémorial de Sainte Hélène'', v. 4, [http://books.google.com/books?id=945jAAAAMAAJ&vq=%22fable%20agreed%20upon%22&pg=PA251 p. 251]. However, the phrase predates Napoleon. [[w:Claude Adrien Helvétius|Helvétius]] attributes it to [[w:Bernard le Bovier de Fontenelle|Bernard le Bovier de Fontenelle]], ''De l'esprit'' (1758), [http://books.google.com/books?id=N7g8AAAAcAAJ&vq=%22fable%20convenue%22&pg=RA1-PA443 p. 443] * Women are nothing but machines for producing children. ** ''The St. Helena Journal of General Baron Gourgaud'' (9 January 1817); as quoted in ''The St. Helena Journal of General Baron Gourgaud, 1815-1818 : Being a Diary written at St. Helena during a part of Napoleon's Captivity'' (1932) as translated by Norman Edwards, a translation of ''Journal de Sainte-Hélène 1815-1818'' by General [[w:Gaspard Gourgaud|Gaspard Gourgaud]] * '''My maxim was, ''la carrière est ouverte aux talents'', without distinction of birth or fortune.''' ** as quoted in [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barry_O%27Meara Barry Edward O'Meara's][https://openlibrary.org/works/OL1653828W/Napoleon_in_exile_or_A_voice_from_St._Helena?edition=napoleoninexileo01omeauoft Napoleon in Exile, or, A voice from St. Helena p. 405] * [[Religions]] are all founded on [[miracles]] — on things we cannot understand, such as the [[w:Trinity|Trinity]]. [[Jesus]] calls himself the Son of [[God]], and yet is descended from [[w:David|David]]. I prefer the religion of [[Muhammad|Mahomet]] — it is less ridiculous than ours. ** Letter from St. Helena (28 August 1817); as quoted in ''The St. Helena Journal of General Baron Gourgaud, 1815-1818 : Being a Diary written at St. Helena during a part of Napoleon's Captivity'' (1932) as translated by Norman Edwards, a translation of ''Journal de Sainte-Hélène 1815-1818'' by General [[w:Gaspard Gourgaud|Gaspard Gourgaud]], t.2, p. 226 <!-- Flammarion --> * ''J'aurais dû mourir à Waterloo'' ** I ought to have died at Waterloo *** ''Mémorial de Sainte Hélène'' *Mahomet was a great man, an intrepid soldier; with a handful of men he triumphed at the [[Battle of Badr|battle of Bender]] [''sic'']; a great captain, eloquent, a great man of state, he revived his fatherland and created a new people and a new power in the middle of [[Arabia]]. ** [[Napoleon I of France]] in ''Précis des guerres de César'', Gosselin, 1836, edited by [[w:Jean Gabriel Marchand|Comte Marchand]], p. 237. This work was written by Napoleon during his exile on St. Helena. Translated by Ziad Elmarsafy in [http://books.google.fr/books?id=gkIKAQAAMAAJ The Enlightenment Qur'an]. * The [[Islam|Mohammedan]] religion is the finest of all **''[[:w:The Saint Helena Journal of General Baron Gourgaud|Talks of Napoleon at St. Helena with General Baron Gourgaud]], together with the journal kept by Gourgaud on their journey from Waterloo to St Helena (1903)'', [http://archive.org/stream/talkofnapoleonat007678mbp#page/n321/mode/2up pp. 279–280] * [[Muhammad]] was a great man, an intrepid soldier; with a handful of men he triumphed at the battle of Bender (sic); a great captain, eloquent, a great man of state, he revived his fatherland and created a new people and a new power in the middle of Arabia. ** Statement of 1817 quoted in ''Précis des guerres de César, écrit à Sainte-Hélène sous la dictée de l'empereur'' (1836) edited by [[w:Jean Gabriel Marchand|Comte Marchand]], p. 237. This work was written by Napoleon during his exile on St. Helena. Translated by Ziad Elmarsafy in [http://books.google.fr/books?id=gkIKAQAAMAAJ The Enlightenment Qur'an]. * Muhammad was a prince; he rallied his compatriots around him. In a few years, the [[Muslim|Muslims]] conquered half of the world. They plucked more [[Soul|souls]] from false gods, knocked down more idols, razed more pagan temples in fifteen years than the followers of [[Moses]] and [[Jesus]] did in fifteen centuries. Muhammad was a great man. He would indeed have been a god, if the [[revolution]] that he had performed had not been prepared by the circumstances. ** ''Campagnes d'Egypte et Syrie'', Paris, Imprimerie Nationale, 1998, p. 275. Translated by [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Tolan John Tolan] in [http://www.academia.edu/1834648/European_Accounts_of_Muhammads_Life European Accounts of Muhammad's Life]. Napoleon wrote his memoirs on the island of Saint Helena. It is here he develops his portrait of Muhammad as a model lawmaker and conqueror. * '''I have fought sixty battles and I have learned nothing which I did not know at the beginning.''' ** ''Napoleon: A Biography'' by Frank McLynn, p. 145. Translated from Gourgaud's ''Journal de Sainte-Hélène 1815-1818'', entry of 25 December 1817. *'''Two of my Marshalls are racing to get under their orders the Italian troops; i leave it to Suchet who has better ambitions than Macdonald. The Italians will soon be recognized again as the first soldiers of Europe. I'm very proud of my brave Italian army.''' **Cited in De Laugier, ''Vicissitudes of the Italian people from 1801 to 1815'', to. X, Firenze, 1836, p. 43 – Aless. Zanoli, ''About the Italian army, historical-statistical outline from 1796 to 1814'', vol. II, Milano, 1845, p. 145. * Our hour is marked, and no one can claim a moment of life beyond what fate has predestined. ** To Dr. Arnott (April 1821) {{fix cite}} * I see that everybody has lost their head since the infamous capitulation of Bailén. I realise that I must go there myself to get the machine working again. ** Said after Dupont's capitulation at [[w:Bailén]] to the Spanish (1808), as quoted in ''The Art of Warfare on Land'' (1974) by David G. Chandler, p. 164 * '''Ordinary men died, men of iron were taken prisoner: I only brought back with me men of bronze.''' ** Statement of 1812, quoted in ''Napoleon's Cavalry and its Leaders'' (1978) by David Johnson <!-- and in ''History of the Expedition to Russia'' (1827) by Philippe-Paul Ségur, as translated by C. J. Sumemerville ? --> ::* Les hommes ordinaires ont succombé, disait-il; les hommes de fer ont été faits prisonniers; je ne ramène avec moi que les hommes de bronze. :::*Mémoires du colonel Combe sur les campagnes de Russie 1812, de Saxe 1813, de France 1814 et 1815. Paris 1853. [https://books.google.de/books?id=KhlYAAAAcAAJ&pg=PA184 p. 184 books.google] * `` A general of ordinary talent, occupying a bad position and surprised by a superior force, seeks his safety in retreat; but a great captain supplies all deficiencies by his courage, and marches boldly to meet the attack. By this means he disconcerts his adversary, and if this last shows any irresolution in his movements, a skilful leader, profiting by his indecision, may even hope for victory. * Among so many conflicting ideas and so many different perspectives, the honest man is confused and distressed and the skeptic becomes wicked ... Since one must take sides, one might as well choose the side that is victorious, the side which devastates, loots, and burns. Considering the alternative, it is better to eat than to be eaten. ** Letter to his brother, as quoted in ''The Age of Napoleon'' (2002) by J. Christopher Herold, p. 8 * Depuis le premier jour jusqu'au dernier, il est le même, toujours le même, majestueux et simple , infiniment sévère et infiniment doux ; dans un commerce de vie pour ainsi dire public, Jésus ne donne jamais de prise à la moindre critique; sa conduite si prudente ravit l'admiration par un mélange de force et de douceur. ** ''Sentiment de Napoléon sur la divinité de Jésus-Christ'' (1841), p. 59. Translated: "From first day to the last, he is the same, always the same, majestic and simple, extremely severe and extremely mild in the business of public life, so to speak, Jesus does not hold to any criticism, his prudent manner so delighted admiration by a mixture of strength and gentleness". *'''I am a [[monarch]] of [[God]]'s creation, and you reptiles of the [[earth]] dare not oppose me. I render an account of my [[government]] to none save God and [[Jesus]] [[Christ]].''' ** Addressing members of the Catholic clergy assembled during 'Bonaparte's Conference with the Catholic and Protestant clergy at [[w:Breda|Breda]],' May 1, 1810 (originally reported in the Gazette of [[w:Dorpat|Dorpt]]), as quoted in ''The life of Napoleon Bonaparte, emperor of the French: with a preliminary view of the French revolution'', [[w: Sir Walter Scott | Sir Walter Scott]], Philadelphia: Leary & Getz, 1857, [http://books.google.com/books?id=6yEMAAAAYAAJ&pg=RA1-PA91&dq=%22you+reptiles+of+the+earth%22&lr=&cd=1#v=onepage&q=%22you%20reptiles%20of%20the%20earth%22&f=false p. 91] **Variant translation: '''God placed me on the throne, and you reptiles of the earth dare oppose me. I owe no account of my administration to the pope,— only to God and Jesus Christ.''' *** As quoted in ''The Christian Observer'', Volume 10, 1861, [http://books.google.com/books?id=mc8WAQAAIAAJ&pg=PA261&dq=%22you+reptiles+of+the+earth%22&lr=&cd=2#v=onepage&q=%22you%20reptiles%20of%20the%20earth%22&f=false p. 261] * A cowardly act! What do I care about that? You may be sure that I should never fear to commit one if it were to my advantage. ** Quoted by George Gordon Andrews in ''Napoleon in Review'' (1939)[http://books.google.com/books?id=hnvRAAAAMAAJ&q=&quot;A+cowardly+act+What+do+I+care+about+that+You+may+be+sure+that+I+should+never+fear+to+commit+one+if+it+were+to+my+advantage&quot;&pg=PA8#v=onepage] * The true conquests, the only ones that cause no regret, are those made over ignorance. ** (November 26, 1797) as quoted in Andrew Roberts ''Napoleon: A Life'' p. 157 * A [[Journalism|journalist]] is a grumbler, a censurer, a giver of advice, a regent of sovereigns, a tutor of nations. Four hostile newspapers are more to be feared than an hundred thousand bayonets. ** Appears to be fabricated as it is not known from surviving print before 19 March 1845 when it appeared in ''Mississippi Democrat'' in an article titled 'The Press' and in ''The North-Carolina Standard'' on its own as a column filler. On April 17, 1845 a longer version of "The Press" article appeared in ''The Guard'' (Holly Springs, Miss.) crediting the article to the ''New Orleans Jeffersonian'', a newspaper edited by Col J F H Claiborne (Life of Col. J.F.H. Claiborne by Franklin L. Riley, P. 232). Claiborne was also a US congressman and "ranked among the most eloquent orators of the House of Representatives" (ibid P.221). It is known he was in agreement with the sentiment of the quote having said, "The journalist has a grander mission, and if conscientiously pursued, it is the highest and noblest of all avocations" (ibid P. 228). The relevant issue of the Jeffersonian does not appear to have survived but is possibly the original source of the invented quote. Claiborne again uses the "quote" in 1846 in a tribute to Professor Thomas R. Dew (''Richmond Enquirer'' (Richmond, Va.), October 20, 1846). The "quote" then quickly spreads across the english-speaking world, arriving in England by 26 April and appearing in ''The Sentinel'' (Sydney, Australia) on 5 November 1845. It appears to be unknown in french. *You have already been informed of my arrival on the borders of the Red Sea, with an innumerable and invincible Army, full of the desire of delivering you from the iron yoke of England. I eagerly embrace this opportunity of testifying to you the desire I have of being informed by you, by the way of Muscat and Mocha, as to your political situation. I would even wish you could send some intelligent person to Suez or [[Cairo]], possessing your confidence, with whom I may confer. May the Almighty increase your power and destroy your enemies. **From an undated letter that Napoleon wrote to Tipu Sultan, which was intercepted by the British. Quoted in [[Vikram Sampath]] - Tipu - The Saga of Mysore's Interregnum (2024), chapter 16. === ''Napoleon in Exile'' (1822) === * Had it not been for that fatal suspension of arms, in 1813, to which I was induced to consent by [[Austria]], I should have succeeded. The victories of Lutzen and Wurtzen (Bautzen) had restored confidence in the French forces. The King of Saxony was triumphantly brought back to his capital; one of the corps of the French army was at the gates of [[Berlin]], and the enemy had been driven from [[Hamburg]]. The [[Russia|Russian]] and [[Prussia|Prussian]] armies were preparing to pass the Vistula, when the cabinet of Austria, acting with its characteristic perfidy, advised the suspension of hostilities, at a time when it had already entered into engagements with Russia and Prussia; the armistice was only a delusion to gain the time necessary to make preparations, it being intended to declare against France in May. The unexpected successes obliged it to act with more circumspection. It was necessary to gain more time, and negociations went on at the congress of Prague. Metternich insisted that Austria should have the half of Italy, and made other exorbitant conditions, which were only demanded in order to be refused. As soon as she had got her army ready, Austria declared against France. After the victory of Dresden, I was superior, and had formed the project to deceive the enemy, by marching towards Magdeburgh, then to rcross the Elbe at Wittenberg, and march upon Berlin. Several divisions of the army were occupied in these manoeuvres, when a letter was brough to me from the King of Wirtemberg, announcing that the Bavarian army had joined the Austrians, and to the amount of eighty thousand men, were marching towards the Rhine, under the command of Wrede; that he, being compelled by the presence of that army, was obliged to join his contingent to it, and that Mentz would soon be invested by a hundred thousand men. === ''Memoirs of Napoleon'' (1829-1831) === [[File:Napoleonbonaparte coloured drawing.png|thumb|right|More glorious to merit a sceptre than to possess one.]] :<small>''[http://www.gutenberg.org/etext/3567 Memoirs of Napoleon]'' was published in 10 volumes (1829-1831) by [[W:Louis Antoine Fauvelet de Bourrienne|Louis Antoine Fauvelet de Bourrienne]] who from 1797 to 1802 had been a private secretary to Napoleon.</small> * Immortality is the best recollection one leaves. * Kiss the feet of Popes provided their hands are tied. * '''Malice delights to blacken the characters of prominent men.''' * '''More glorious to merit a sceptre than to possess one.''' * '''Those who are free from common prejudices acquire others.''' === ''The Consulate and The Empire'' (1834) === * Well, then, had I been at [[w:Martinique|Martinique]], I should also have been on the side of the English, because above all things it is necessary to save one's life. '''I am for the [[White people|whites]], because I am white; I have no other reason, yet that is reason good enough.''' How was it possible to grant liberty to the [[Black people|Africans]], to men without any kind of civilization, who did not even know what a [[colony]] meant, or that there was such a place as France? ** Si j'avais été à la Martinique, j'aurais été pour les Anglais, parce qu'avant tout il faut sauver sa vie. Je suis pour les blancs, parce que je suis blanc; je n'en ai pas d'autre raison, et celle-là est la bonne. Comment a-t-on pu donner la liberté à des Africains, à des hommes qui n'avaient aucune civilisation, qui ne savaient seulement pas ce que c'était que colonie, ce que c'était que la France? **"Le Consulat et L'Empire" by [[w:Antoine Claire Thibaudeau|A. C. Thibaudeau]], Volume 3, pg 323. Translated in "The Life of Napoleon Buonaparte" by William Hazlitt, pg 271. *They seek to destroy the Revolution by attacking my person: I will defend it for I am the Revolution, I myself! Henceforth they will look to it, for they will know ''of what we are capable''. **Pg 427. Thomas W. Redhead translation, Volume II. **On veut détruire la Révolution en s’attaquant à ma personne: je la défendrai, car je suis la Révolution, moi, moi … On y regardera à partir d’aujourd’hui, car on saura de quoi nous sommes capables. **Pg 608 in the French edition === ''Political Aphorisms, Moral and Philosophical Thoughts'' (1848) === :<small>[http://www.napoleonic-literature.com/Book_8/Book8.html ''Political Aphorisms, Moral and Philosophical Thoughts of Emperor Napoleon''] collected and published by Cte. A. G. de Liancourt; edited by James Alexander Manning; this work is also sometimes referred to as ''Maxims of Napoleon''</small> * When you have an enemy in your power, deprive him of the means of ever injuring you. ** p. 30 * '''He who fears being conquered is certain of defeat.''' ** p. 146 * '''The greater the man, the less is he opinionative, he depends upon events and circumstances.''' ** p. 146 * What is the [[government]]? [[nothing]], unless supported by [[opinion]]. ** p. 242 * A constitution should be framed so as not to impede the action of government, nor force the government to its violation. ** p. 246 * The people must not be counted upon; they cry indifferently : "Long live the King!" and "Long live the Conspirators!" a proper direction must be given to them, and proper instruments employed to effect it. ** p. 246 * Hereditary succession to the magistracy is absurd, as it tends to make a property of it; it is incompatible with the sovereignty of the people. ** p. 246 * Orders and decorations are necessary in order to dazzle the people. ** p. 248 * [[Power]] is founded upon opinion. ** p. 248 * Sometimes a great example is necessary to all the public functionaries of the state. ** p. 248 * A Government protected by foreigners will never be accepted by a free people. * '''A great people may be killed, but they cannot be intimidated.''' * A great reserve and severity of manners are necessary for the command of those who are older than ourselves. * A king is sometimes obliged to commit crimes; but they are the crimes of his position. * A King should sacrifice the best affections of his heart for the good of his country; no sacrifice should be above his determination. *'''Greatness is nothing unless it be lasting.''' * Many a one commits a reprehensible action, who is at bottom an honourable man, because man seldom acts upon natural impulse, but from some secret passion of the moment which lies hidden and concealed within the narrowest folds of his heart. * The life of a citizen is the property of his country. * You cannot treat with all the world at once. === ''With Napoleon in Russia: The Memoirs of General De Caulaincourt, Duke of Vicenza'' (1933) === *''If you make everything difficult, the really hard things seem less so.'' === ''Napoleon : In His Own Words'' (1916) === :<small>''[https://archive.org/details/napoleoninhisown00napo Napoleon : In His Own Words]'' (1916) edited by Jules Bertaut, as translated by Herbert Edward Law and Charles Lincoln Rhodes </small> [[File:1801 Antoine-Jean Gros - Bonaparte on the Bridge at Arcole.jpg|thumb|right|Destiny urges me to a goal of which I am ignorant. Until that goal is attained I am invulnerable, unassailable. When Destiny has accomplished her purpose in me, a fly may suffice to destroy me.]] ::'''Ch. I : On Success''' * '''There are only two forces that unite men — fear and interest.''' All great revolutions originate in fear, for the play of interests does not lead to accomplishment. * Audacity succeeds as often as it fails; in life it has an even chance. * '''The superior man is never in anyone's way.''' * Who saves his country violates no law. **''Celui qui sauve sa patrie ne viole aucune loi'' **Maximes et pensées de Napoléon recueillies par J.-L. Gaudy jeune (1838), [https://gallica.bnf.fr/ark:/12148/bpt6k6151840d/f46.image.r=Viole Pg 49] **"Gaudy"'s collection was actually compiled by Honoré de Balzac, who may have invented some of the maxims. Graham Robb: "Balzac" (1994), [https://archive.org/details/balzacbiography00robb/page/317/mode/1up pp 317-318]. * There are so many laws that no one is safe from hanging. * '''Success is the most convincing talker in the world.''' * As a rule it is circumstances that make men. * '''Impatience is a great obstacle to success; he who treats everything with brusqueness gathers nothing, or only immature fruit which will never ripen.''' * '''One must indeed be ignorant of the methods of genius to suppose that it allows itself to be cramped by forms.''' Forms are for mediocrity, and it is fortunate that mediocrity can act only according to routine. Ability takes its flight unhindered. * Never depend on the multitude, full of instability and whims; always take precautions against it. * From triumph to downfall is but a step. I have seen a trifle decide the most important issues in the gravest affairs. * '''It is only by prudence, wisdom, and dexterity, that great ends are attained and obstacles overcome. Without these qualities nothing succeeds.''' * '''The man fitted for affairs and authority never considers individuals, but things and their consequences.''' * A congress of the powers is deceit agreed on between diplomats — it is the pen of [[Machiavelli]] combined with the scimitar of [[Muhammad|Mahomet]]. * '''Destiny urges me to a goal of which I am ignorant. Until that goal is attained I am invulnerable, unassailable. When Destiny has accomplished her purpose in me, a fly may suffice to destroy me.''' * Necessity dominates inclination, will, and right. ::'''Ch. II : Psychology and Morals''' * Men have their virtues and their vices, their heroisms and their perversities; men are neither wholly good nor wholly bad, but possess and practice all that there is of good and bad here below. Such is the general rule. Temperament, education, the accidents of life, are modifying factors. Outside of this, everything is ordered arrangement, everything is chance. Such has been my rule of expectation and it has usually brought me success. * '''Whatever misanthropists may say, ingrates and the perverse are exceptions in the human species.''' * The great mass of society are far from being depraved; for if a large majority were criminal or inclined to break the laws, where would the force or power be to prevent or constrain them? And herein is the real blessing of civilization, because this happy result has its origin in her bosom, growing out of her very nature. * '''[[Imagination]] governs the world.''' * What are we? What is the future? What is the past? What magic fluid envelops us and hides from us the things it is most important for us to know? '''We are born, we live, and we die in the midst of the marvelous.''' * To do all that one is able to do, is to be a man; to do all that one would like to do, would be to be a god. * Man achieves in life only by commanding the capabilities nature has given him, or by creating them within himself by education and by knowing how to profit by the difficulties encountered. * It is a mistake, too, to say that the face is the mirror of the soul. '''The truth is, men are very hard to know, and yet, not to be deceived, we must judge them by their present actions, but for the present only.''' * One is more certain to influence men, to produce more effect on them, by absurdities than by sensible ideas. * It is not true that men never change; they change for the worse, as well as for the better. It is not true they are ungrateful; more often the benefactor rates his favors higher than their worth; and often too he does not allow for circumstances. If few men have the moral force to resist impulses, most men do carry within themselves the germs of virtues as well as of vices, of heroism as well as of cowardice. Such is human nature — education and circumstances do the rest. * '''Ordinarily men exercise their memory much more than their judgment.''' * '''There is nothing so imperious as feebleness which feels itself supported by force.''' * True character stands the test of emergencies. Do not be mistaken, it is weakness from which the awakening is rude. * How many seemingly impossible things have been accomplished by resolute men because they had to do, or die. * '''The fool has one great advantage over a man of sense — he is always satisfied with himself.''' * Simpletons talk of the past, wise men of the present, and fools of the future. * One must learn to forgive and not to hold a hostile, bitter attitude of mind, which offends those about us and prevents us from enjoying ourselves; one must recognize human shortcomings and adjust himself to them rather than to be constantly finding fault with them. * '''It is not necessary to prohibit or encourage oddities of conduct which are not harmful.''' * The best way to keep one's word is not to give it. ::'''Ch. III : Love and Marriage''' * In love the only safety is in flight. * I do not believe it is in our nature to love impartially. We deceive ourselves when we think we can love two beings, even our own children, equally. There is always a dominant affection. ::'''Ch. IV : Things Political''' * '''In politics nothing is immutable. Events carry within them an invincible power.''' The unwise destroy themselves in resistance. The skillful accept events, take strong hold of them and direct them. * It is only with prudence, sagacity, and much dexterity that great aims are accomplished, and all obstacles surmounted. Otherwise nothing is accomplished. * The great difficulty with politics is, that there are no established principles. * The truth is that one ought to serve his people worthily, and not strive solely to please them. The best way to gain a people is to do that which is best for them. Nothing is more dangerous than to flatter a people. If it does not get what it wants immediately, it is irritated and thinks that promises have not been kept; and if then it is resisted, it hates so much the more as it feels itself deceived. * '''Lead the ideas of your time and they will accompany and support you; fall behind them and they drag you along with them; oppose them and they will overwhelm you.''' * There is no such thing as an absolute despotism; it is only relative. A man cannot wholly free himself from obligation to his fellows. A sultan who cut off heads from caprice, would quickly lose his own in the same way. Excesses tend to check themselves by reason of their own violence. What the ocean gains in one place it loses in another. * We are made weak both by idleness and distrust of ourselves. Unfortunate, indeed, is he who suffers from both. If he is a mere individual he becomes nothing; if he is a king he is lost. * A prince should suspect everything. * '''In politics, an absurdity is not an impediment.''' * The most difficult art is not in the choice of men, but in giving to the men chosen the highest service of which they are capable. * Posterity alone rightly judges kings. Posterity alone has the right to accord or withhold honors. * [[Obedience]] to public authority ought not to be based either on [[ignorance]] or [[stupidity]]. * '''The laws of circumstance are abolished by new circumstances.''' * Some revolutions are inevitable. There are moral eruptions, just as the outbreak of volcanoes are physical eruptions. When the chemical combinations which produce them are complete, the volcanic eruptions burst forth, just as revolutions do when the moral factors are in the right state. In order to foresee them the trend of ideas must be understandingly observed. * '''One can lead a nation only by helping it see a bright outlook. A leader is a dealer in hope.''' * It is rare that a [[legislature]] reasons. It is too quickly impassioned. * '''Parties weaken themselves by their fear of capable men.''' * [[Democracy]] may become frenzied, but it has feelings and can be moved. As for [[aristocracy]], it is always cold and never forgives. * '''We frustrate many designs against us by pretending not to see them.''' * To listen to the interests of all, marks an ordinary government; to foresee them, marks a great government. * Peace ought to be the result of a system well considered, founded on the true interests of the different countries, honorable to each, and ought not to be either a capitulation or the result of a threat. ::''' Ch. V : Concerning the Fine Arts''' * A book in which there were no lies would be a curiosity. * All men of genius, and all those who have gained rank in the republic of letters, are brothers, whatever may be the land of their nativity. * It must be recognized that the real truths of history are hard to discover. Happily, for the most part, they are rather matters of curiosity than of real importance. * '''[[Dante]] has not deigned to take his inspiration from any other. He has wished to be himself, himself alone; in a word, to create.''' He has occupied a vast space, and has filled it with the superiority of a sublime mind. He is diverse, strong, and gracious. He has imagination, warmth, and enthusiasm. He makes his reader tremble, shed tears, feel the thrill of honor in a way that is the height of art. Severe and menacing, he has terrible imprecations for crime, scourgings for vice, sorrow for misfortune. As a citizen, affected by the laws of the republic, he thunders against its oppressors, but he is always ready to excuse his native city, Florence is ever to him his sweet, beloved country, dear to his heart. I am envious for my dear France, that she has never produced a rival to Dante; that this Colossus has not had his equal among us. No, there is no reputation which can be compared to his. * The [[division of labor]], which has brought such perfection in mechanical industries, is altogether fatal when applied to productions of the mind. All work of the mind is superior in proportion as the mind that produces it is universal. ::'''Ch. VI : Administration''' * Laws which are consistent in theory often prove chaotic in practice. * In practical administration, experience is everything. :: '''Ch. VII : Concerning Religion''' * Aristocracy is the spirit of the [[Old Testament]], [[democracy]] of the [[New Testament|New]]. * The [[existence of God]] is attested by everything that appeals to our imagination. And if our eye cannot reach Him it is because He has not permitted our [[intelligence]] to go so far. * [[Jesus]] Christ was the greatest [[Republicanism|republican]]. * Charity and alms are recommended in every chapter of the ''[[Qur'an|Koran]]'' as being the most acceptable services, both to [[Allah|God]] and the Prophet. * The religious zeal which animates priests, leads them to undertake labors and to brave perils which would be far beyond the powers of one in secular employment. * '''Conscience is the most sacred thing among men.''' Every man has within him a still small voice, which tells him that nothing on earth can oblige him to believe that which he does not believe. The worst of all tyrannies is that which obliges eighteen-twentieths of a nation to embrace a religion contrary to their beliefs, under penalty of being denied their rights as citizens and of owning property, which, in effect, is the same thing as being without a country. * [[Fanaticism]] must be put to sleep before it can be eradicated. * Policemen and prisons ought never to be the means used to bring men back to the practice of religion. * You cannot drag a man's [[conscience]] before any tribunal, and no one is answerable for his religious opinions to any power on earth. * The populace judges of the power of God by the power of the [[Priest|priests]]. * Man loves the marvelous. It has an irresistible charm for him. He is always ready to leave that with which he is familiar to pursue vain inventions. He lends himself to his own deception. * '''Our credulity is a part of the imperfection of our natures. It is inherent in us to desire to generalize, when we ought, on the contrary, to guard ourselves very carefully from this tendency.''' :: '''Ch. VII : On War''' * '''A general must be a charlatan.''' * Unhappy the general who comes on the field of battle with a system. * '''It is often in the audacity, in the steadfastness, of the general that the safety and the conservation of his men is found.''' * The military principles of [[Julius Caesar|Caesar]] were those of [[Hannibal]], and those of Hannibal were those of [[Alexander the Great|Alexander]] — to hold his forces in hand, not to be vulnerable at any point, to throw all his forces with rapidity on any given point. * '''An army which cannot be reenforced is already defeated. ''' * A commander in chief ought to say to himself several times a day: If the enemy should appear on my front, on my right, on my left, what would I do? And if the question finds him uncertain, he is not well placed, he is not as he should be, and he should remedy it. * The moment of greatest peril is the moment of victory. * '''At the beginning of a campaign it is important to consider whether or not to move forward; but when one has taken the offensive it is necessary to maintain it to the last extremity.''' However skilfully effected a retreat may be, it always lessens the morale of an army, since in losing the chances of success, they are remitted to the enemy. A retreat, moreover, costs much more in men and materials than the bloodiest engagements, with this difference, also, that in a battle the enemy loses practically as much as you do; while in a retreat you lose and he does not. * Changing from the defensive to the offensive, is one of the most delicate operations in war. * An army ought to be ready every moment to offer all the resistance of which it is capable. * Never march by flank in front of an army in position. This principle is absolute. * '''In a battle, as in a siege, the art consists in concentrating very heavy fire on a particular point.''' The line of battle once established, the one who has the ability to concentrate an unlooked for mass of artillery suddenly and unexpectedly on one of these points is sure to carry the day. * '''There is a joy in danger.''' * War is a serious game in which a man risks his reputation, his troops, and his country. A sensible man will search himself to know whether or not he is fitted for the trade. * '''There is only one favorable moment in war; talent consists in knowing how to seize it.''' * He who cannot look over a battlefield with a dry eye, causes the death of many men uselessly. * In war, theory is all right so far as general principles are concerned; but in reducing general principles to practice there will always be danger. Theory and practice are the axis about which the sphere of accomplishment revolves. * '''The secret of great battles consists in knowing how to deploy and concentrate at the right time.''' * The art of war consists in being always able, even with an inferior army, to have stronger forces than the enemy at the point of attack or the point which is attacked. * The praises of enemies are always to be suspected. A man of honor will not permit himself to be flattered by them, except when they are given after the cessation of hostilities. * '''The most desirable quality in a soldier is constancy in the support of fatigue; valor is only secondary.''' * Policy and morals concur in repressing pillage. * Gentleness, good treatment, honor the victor and dishonor the vanquished, who should remain aloof and owe nothing to pity — In war, audacity is the finest calculation of genius. * In civil war it is not given to every man to know how to conduct himself. There is something more than military prudence necessary; there is need of sagacity and the knowledge of men. * '''Nothing is so contrary to military rules as to make the strength of your army known, either in the orders of the day, in proclamations, or in the newspapers.''' * War is a lottery in which nations ought to risk nothing but small amounts. * [[w:Achilles|Achilles]] was the son of a goddess and of a mortal; in that, he is the image of the genius of war. The divine part is all that that is derived from moral considerations of character, talent, the interest of your adversary, of opinion, of the temper of the soldier, which is strong and victorious, or feeble and beaten, according as he believes this divine part to be. The mortal part is the arms, the fortifications, the order of battle — everything which arises out of material things. * '''Courage cannot be counterfeited. It is one virtue that escapes hypocrisy.''' * In war one must lean on an obstacle in order to overcome it. * In war, character and opinion make more than half of the reality. * That dependable courage, which in spite of the most sudden circumstances, nevertheless allows freedom of mind, of judgment and of decision, is exceedingly rare. * '''[[War]] is becoming an anachronism'''; if we have battled in every part of the continent it was because two opposing social orders were facing each other, the one which dates from 1789, and the old regime. They could not exist together; the younger devoured the other. I know very well, that, in the final reckoning, it was war that overthrew me, me the representative of the [[French Revolution]], and the instrument of its principles. But no matter! The battle was lost for civilization, and civilization will inevitably take its revenge. There are two systems, the past and the future. The present is only a painful transition. Which must triumph? The future, will it not? Yes indeed, the future! That is, intelligence, industry, and peace. The past was brute force, privilege, and ignorance. Each of our victories was a triumph for the ideas of the Revolution. '''Victories will be won, one of these days, without cannon, and without bayonets.''' * '''It is not that addresses at the opening of a battle make the soldiers brave. The old veterans scarcely hear them, and recruits forget them at the first boom of the cannon.''' Their usefulness lies in their effect on the course of the campaign, in neutralizing rumors and false reports, in maintaining a good spirit in the camp, and in furnishing matter for camp-fire talk. The printed order of the day should fulfill these different ends. * What are the conditions that make for the superiority of an army? Its internal organization, military habits in officers and men, the confidence of each in themselves; that is to say, bravery, patience, and all that is contained in the idea of moral means. * '''The issue of a battle is the result of an instant, of a thought.''' There is the advance, with its various combinations, the battle is joined, the struggle goes on a certain time, the decisive moment presents itself, a spark of genius discloses it, and the smallest body of reserves accomplish victory. * '''In war, groping tactics, half-way measures, lose everything.''' * '''A man who has no consideration for the needs of his men ought never to be given command.''' * To plan to reserve cavalry for the finish of the battle, is to have no conception of the power of combined infantry and cavalry charges, either for attack or for defense. * The general of the sea has need of only one science, that of navigation. The one on land has need of all, or of a talent which is the equivalent of all, that will enable him to profit by all experience, and all knowledge. A general of the sea has nothing to divine. He knows where his enemy is, he knows his strength. A general on land never knows anything with certainty, never sees his enemy well, and never knows positively where he is. * '''In order not to be astonished at obtaining victories, one ought not to think only of defeats.''' * In war, luck is half in everything. *'''If I had not been defeated in Acre against Jezzar Pasha of Turk. I would conquer all of the East''' * '''My most splendid campaign was that of March 20; not a single shot was fired.''' ::'''Ch. IX : Sociology''' * In France, only the impossible is admired. * The sentiment of national honor is never more than half extinguished in the French. It takes only a spark to re-kindle it. * France will always be a great nation. * '''[[Turks]] can be killed, but they can never be conquered.''' * [[Europe]] is a molehill. It has never had any great [[Empire|empires]], like those of the [[Asia|Orient]], numbering six hundred million souls. * Europe has its history, often tragic, though at intervals consoling. But to speak of any universally recognized national rights or that these rights have played any part in its history, is to play with the powers of public credulity. Always the first duty of a state has been its safety; the pledge of its safety, its power; and the limits of its power, that intelligence of which each has been made the depository. When the great powers have proclaimed any other principle, it has been only for their own purposes, and the smaller powers have never received any benefit from it. * '''Each state claims the right to control interests foreign to itself when those interests are such that it can control them without putting its own interests in danger. ... other powers only recognize this right of intervening in proportion as the country doing it has the power to do it.''' * ‘I shall bring the nobles of this court so low they shall be obliged to beg their bred.’ - Said to Count Nesch after the battle of Jena-Austedt in Berlin. ==Attributed== [[File:Napoleon_Las_Casas.jpg|thumb|It is [[hunger]] that makes the [[world]] move.]] [[File:Napoleon sainthelene.jpg|250px|thumb|right|[[Morality]] has nothing to do with such a man as I am.]] [[File:Minard.png|thumb|350px|A good sketch is better than a long speech. (A picture is worth a thousand words.)]] * Surely in a matter of this kind we should endeavor to do something, that we may say that we have not lived in vain, that we may leave some impress of ourselves on the [[Sands of time (idiom)|sands of time]]. ** From an alleged Letter of to his Minister of the Interior on the Poor Laws. Pub. in The Press, Feb. 1, 1868. * ''' You must not fear death, my lads; defy him, and you drive him into the enemy's ranks.''' ** As quoted in ''Dictionary of Quotations from Ancient and Modern English and Foreign Sources'' (1899) by Rev. James Wood, p. 567 * '''Morality has nothing to do with such a man as I am.''' ** As quoted in ''The Story of World Progress'' (1922) by Willis Mason West, p. 433 * Waterloo will wipe out the memory of my forty victories; but that which nothing can wipe out is my [[w:Napoleonic code|Civil Code]]. That will live forever. ** As quoted in ''The Story of World Progress'' (1922) by Willis Mason West, p. 437 * If I were an Englishman, I should esteem the man who advised a war with [[China]] to be the greatest living enemy of my country. You would be beaten in the end, and perhaps a revolution in India would follow. ** Reported as being from an 1817 conversation in ''The Mind of Napoleon'', ed. and trans. J. Christopher Herold (1955), p. 249. Reported as unverified in ''Respectfully Quoted: A Dictionary of Quotations'' (1989). * ''Un bon croquis vaut mieux qu'un long discours.'' ** '''A good sketch is better than a long speech.''' *** Quoted in ''L'Arche de Noé'' (1968) by Marie-Madeleine Fourcade, p. 48; this has sometimes also been translated as "'''[[w:A picture is worth a thousand words|A picture is worth a thousand words]]'''", though it is not known to be the origin of that English expression. * I saw myself founding a religion, marching into Asia riding an elephant, a turban on my head and in my hand the new [[Qur'an|Koran]] that I would have composed to suit my needs. ** As quoted in ''The British in Egypt‎'' (1971) by Peter Mansfield, p. 1 * '''Ability is nothing without opportunity.''' ** As quoted in ''Have You Ever Noticed? : The Wit and Irony of Every Day Life'' (1985) by Joe Moore * The hand that gives is above the hand that takes. (''La main qui donne est au-dessus de celle qui reçoit.'') ** Italian saying, quoted by Bonaparte during the [[w:Italian_campaigns_of_the_French_Revolutionary_Wars#First_Coalition_.281792-1797.29|first Italian campaign]] to highlight the financial dependence of the ''[[w:French Directory|Directoire]]'' on the plunder from the Army of Italy, according to Lucian S. Regenbogen, ''Napoléon a dit : aphorismes, citations et opinions'', p. 82. * Money has no motherland; financiers are without patriotism and without decency; their sole object is gain. ** Attributed in ''Monarchy or Money Power'' (1933), by R. McNair Wilson. No primary source for this is known. * '''Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.''' ** As quoted in ''The Military Quotation Book'' (2002) by James Charlton, p. 93 * '''I am the instrument of providence, she will use me as long as I accomplish her designs, then she will break me like a glass.''' ** As quoted in ''The Linguist and the Emperor : Napoleon and Champollion's Quest to Decipher the Rosetta Stone'' (2004) by Daniel Meyerson * If I had succeeded, I would have been the greatest man known to history. ** As quoted in ''The Tyrants : 2500 Years of Absolute Power and Corruption'' (2006) by Clive Foss <small> {{ISBN|1905204965}}</small> * You call these baubles, well, it is with baubles that men are led... Do you think that you would be able to make men fight by reasoning? Never. That is only good for the scholar in his study. The soldier needs glory, distinctions, and rewards. ** On awards, as quoted in ''Mémoires sur le Consulat. 1799 à 1804'' (1827) by Antoine-Claire, Comte Thibaudeau. Chez Ponthieu, pp. 83–84. Original: "''On appelle cela des ''hochets''; eh bien! c'est avec des hochets que l'on mène les hommes... Croyez-vous que vous feríez battre des hommes par l'analyse? Jamais. Elle n'est bonne que pour le savant dans son cabinet. Il faut au soldat de la gloire, des distinctions, des récomponses.''" * The future destiny of the child is always the work of his mother. Let France have good mothers, and she will have good sons. ** As quoted in ''Mama Was My Teacher: Growing Up In A Small Southern Town'' (2004) by Dozier Cade, p. 77 * Leave the Artillerymen alone, they are an obstinate lot. ** As quoted in ''The Dictionary of Military and Naval Quotations'' (1966) by Robert Heinl, Jr. * Tristan is very idle. He confessed to the Emperor that he did not [[work]] every [[day]]. "Do you not eat every day?" said the Emperor to him; "Yes, Sire." "Well, then, you ought to work every day; no one should eat who does not work." "Oh! if that be the case, I will work every day," said the child, quickly. "Such is the influence of the [[w:Belly|belly]]," said the Emperor, tapping that of little Tristan. "It is [[hunger]] that makes the [[world]] move." ** As attributed in [[w:Emmanuel, comte de Las Cases|Count Emmanuel de Las Cases]], "Journal of the Private Life and Conversations of the Emperor Napoleon at Saint Helena", 1824. * There is no [[w:Subordination|subordination]] with empty [[w:Stomach|stomachs]]. ** As attributed in [[w:Emmanuel, comte de Las Cases|Count Emmanuel de Las Cases]], "Journal of the Private Life and Conversations of the Emperor Napoleon at Saint Helena", 1824. * Well then, I will tell you. [[Alexander the Great|Alexander]], [[Julius Caesar|Caesar]], [[Charlemagne]] and I myself have founded great empires; but upon what did these creations of our genius depend? Upon force. Jesus alone founded His empire upon love, and to this very day millions will die for Him. I think I understand something of human nature; and I tell you, all these were men, and I am a man: none else is like Him; Jesus Christ was more than a man. I have inspired multitudes with such an enthusiastic devotion that they would have died for me but to do this it was necessary that I should be visibly present with the electric influence of my looks, my words, of my voice. When I saw men and spoke to them, I lighted up the flame of self-devotion in their hearts. Christ alone has succeeded in so raising the mind of man toward the unseen, that it becomes insensible to the barriers of time and space. Across a chasm of eighteen hundred years, Jesus Christ makes a demand which is beyond all others difficult to satisfy; He asks for that which a [[Philosophy|philosopher]] may often seek in vain at the hands of his friends, or a father of his children, or a bride of her spouse, or a man of his brother. He asks for the human heart; He will have it entirely to Himself. He demands it unconditionally; and forthwith His demand is granted. Wonderful! In defiance of time and space, the soul of man, with all its powers and faculties, becomes an annexation to the [[Christendom|empire of Christ]]. All who sincerely believe in Him, experience that remarkable, supernatural love toward Him. This phenomenon is unaccountable; it is altogether beyond the scope of man's creative powers. Time, the great destroyer, is powerless to extinguish this sacred flame; time can neither exhaust its strength nor put a limit to its range. This is it, which strikes me most; I have often thought of it. This it is which proves to me quite convincingly the Divinity of Jesus Christ. ** In a statement about Jesus Christ. While exiled on the rock of St. Helena, Napoleon called Count Montholon to his side and asked him, "Can you tell me who Jesus Christ was?" Upon the Count declining to respond Napoleon countered. Ravi Zacharias, [http://books.google.com/books?id=jSI9HnMHdPsC&pg=PA149&lpg=PA149&dq=napoleon+jesus+among+gods&source=bl&ots=CdsDSjamnm&sig=K3l7Ek972r7pyEFT681lbf3PVSQ&hl=en&sa=X&ei=nBqhUf3RL4au9AS37ICwCQ&ved=0CBYQ6AEwAA ''Jesus Among Other Gods''], p. 149, in [[Henry Parry Liddon]] (1868) The Divinity of Our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ; Eight Lectures. New edition.[https://books.google.com/books?id=IcINAAAAYAAJ&pg=PA148&dq#v=onepage&q&f=false] pp. 147-148, and in [[Henry Parry Liddon]] (1869) The Divinity of Our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ; Eight Lectures. Fourth edition. [https://ia800203.us.archive.org/15/items/divinityofourlord00libbrich/divinityofourlord00libbrich.pdf] pp. 147-148. * ‘Do you know,’ Napoleon once said to Fontanes, ‘what fills me most with wonder? The powerlessness of force to establish anything. There are only two powers in the world: the sword and the mind. In the end, the sword is always conquered by the mind.’ ** [[Albert Camus]], ''Lyrical and Critical'' (London: Hamish Hamilton, 1967), essays selected and translated from the French by Philip Thody, p. 104 [https://archive.org/details/lyricalcritical0000camu/page/104/mode/2up?view=theater] {{Misattributed begin}} == Misattributed == * Able was I ere I saw Elba. :* Credited to "J.T.R." of Baltimore, 1848<ref>The Golden Rule and Gazette Of The Union, Saturday July 8 1848, page 30, article titled "Ingenious arrangement of words"; https://www.google.co.uk/books/edition/The_Golden_Rule_and_Odd_fellows_Family_C/hEg2AQAAMAAJ?hl=en&gbpv=1&dq=able%20was%20i%20ere%20i%20saw%20elba </ref> :* Of such attributions to Napoleon, there is little credence, as stated by William Irvine in ''Madam I'm Adam and Other Palindromes'' (1987): "The well-known ABLE WAS I, ERE I SAW ELBA, for example, is conveniently attributed to Napoleon, whose knowledge of English wordplay was certainly questionable, at best." There is no mention of such a palindrome in O'Meara's own work, ''Napoleon in Exile : or, A Voice from St. Helena'' (1822). * An army of sheep, led by a lion, is better than an army of lions, led by a sheep. ** Attributed to Napoleon in ''Napoleon'' (1941) by [[w:Yevgeny Tarle|Yevgeny Tarle]], this is a variant of an ancient proverb often attributed to many military and political figures, including [[Alexander the Great]], and the even earlier figure [[w:Chabrias|Chabrias (Χαβρίας)]]. * Give them a whiff of [[w:Grapeshot|grapeshot]]. ** This is often quoted as a command Napoleon issued when dispersing mobs marching on the National Assembly in Paris (5 October 1795), or it is occasionally stated that he boasted "I gave them a whiff of grapeshot" sometime afterwards, but the first known use of the term "whiff of grapeshot" is actually by [[Thomas Carlyle]] in his work ''The French Revolution'' (1837), describing the use of cannon salvo [''salve de canons''] against crowds, and not even the use of them by Napoleon. * A constitution should be short and obscure. ** Quoted in ''The Life of Napoleon I'' by John Holland Rose as an exchange between [[w:Pierre Louis Roederer|Roederer]] and [[w:Talleyrand|Talleyrand]] *** Roederer tells us ("Œuvres," vol. iii., p. 428) that he had drawn up two plans of a constitution for the Cisalpine; the one very short and leaving much to the President, the other precise and detailed. He told Talleyrand to advise Bonaparte to adopt the former as it was "''short and''" — he was about to add "''clear''" when the diplomatist cut him short with the words, "''Yes: short and obscure!''" * Never ascribe to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity. ** Often known as [[w:Hanlon's razor|Hanlon's razor]], this was attributed to Napoleon without source in ''Message Passing Server Internals'' (2003) by Bill Blunden, p. 15, <small> {{ISBN|0071416382}} </small> * Religious wars are basically people killing each other over who has the better imaginary friend. ** There is no known basis to attribute this saying to Napoleon. It is found (unattributed) in a [https://groups.google.com/forum/message/raw?msg=soc.penpals/QIUrpkacWyE/FbCj7pij5WwJ Usenet post from July 1999]. {{Misattributed end}} == Quotes about Napoleon == [[File:François Gérard - Napoleon I 001.JPG|thumb|right|[[George Washington|Washington]] and Bonaparte emerged from the womb of democracy: both of them born to liberty, the former remained faithful to her, the latter betrayed her. ~ [[François-René de Chateaubriand]] ]] [[File:Napoleon friedland.jpg|thumb|right|I used to say of him that his presence on the field made the difference of forty thousand men. ~ [[Arthur Wellesley, 1st Duke of Wellington]] ]] [[File:Generale Bonaparte in Italia.jpg|thumb|right|Napoleon, far more Italian than French, Italian by race, by instinct, imagination, and souvenir, considers in his plan the future of Italy, and, on casting up the final accounts of his reign, we find that the net profit is for Italy and the net loss is for France. ~[[Hippolyte Taine]]]] :<small>Arranged alphabetically by author</small> *His views on politics and society, owing much to [[Jean-Jacques Rousseau|Rousseau]]'s ''[[The Social Contract|Du Contrat Social]]'', display Buonaparte the egotist and Buonaparte the mathematician-engineer in uneasy collaboration. For society is conceived as of one great machine, constructed according to correct calculations which in turn are based on the right data. There is little sense of free association between individuals or groups, little sense of any natural community larger than the Corsican-style family or clan; no sense of organic social growth. Instead there are the competing egotisms of individuals, bridled or organized by the higher egotism of the State, whose will impels and directs the whole national apparatus. Buonaparte's ideal State enjoyed this untrammelled power because it was the organ of the people's will. Naïvely he believed that only hereditary monarchies could be tyrants. He scorned the ''[[w:Ancien régime|ancien régime]]'' in France, with its agglomeration of different societies, partly regional, partly aristocratic, guild or religious; this is what constitutes the "privilege" which he and other progressives wished to sweep away. Buonaparte's chief complaint against the [[Catholic Church]], for instance, lay in the very fact that it was independent of the State... Buonaparte's political ideas thus point straight towards the tyranny of the [[w:French Consulate|Consulate]] and the [[w:First French Empire|Empire]]; indeed towards every modern tyranny where the State bosses the entire life of the people in the people's name. **[[Correlli Barnett]], ''Bonaparte'' (1978), pp. 23-24 *Bonaparte busied himself with extinguishing what yet remained of the [[freedom of expression]] won during the [[French Revolution|Revolution]] and with crushing what yet remained of organized opposition, whether royalist, [[w:Jacobin (politics)|Jacobin]] or merely intellectual. On 17 January 1800 he shut down sixty out of seventy-three existing newspapers; by the end of 1800 only nine remained, and those under strict [[censorship]]. The theatre was censored from April 1800. With his excessive sensitivity to personal criticism and ridicule, Bonaparte took a direct interest in this censorship... In July 1803 he ordered that bookshops be prohibited from placing new works on sale until seven days after a copy had been submitted to the censor "so that, as soon as there is an undesirable work, it can be stopped."<br>The systematic opening of private correspondence, the ubiquitous police spy, and [[w:Internment|imprisonment without trial]] completed Bonaparte's practical interpretation of the "sacred right" of liberty guaranteed by the Constitution. **[[Correlli Barnett]], ''Bonaparte'' (1978), pp. 84-85 *That contempt of humanity, that misprision of the opinion of others, that Caesarean pride, that insensitive heart and that profound moral indifference, these characteristics which distinguished Napoleon were not those of a Frenchman. **[[w:fr:Jules Barni|Jules Barni]], ''Napoléon premier et son historien M. Thiers'' (1869), quoted in Pieter Geyl, ''Napoleon For and Against'' (1949), p. 76 * In France Napoleon tamed the revolution and put it into the imperial straitjacket (and, in so doing, perhaps did more than the revolution itself to make a Bourbon restoration permanently impossible); beyond the borders of France he was the missionary and disseminator of the ideas of the revolution. Hence, as the Napoleonic legend grew through the succeeding century, the literary champions of Napoleon in France tended to be men of the Right, whereas outside France it was generally the [[Left-wing politics|Left]] which made him its idol-a perfectly natural phenomenon which Mr. Taylor needlessly attributes to the perversity of the English Left. This ambiguous role is the common destiny of heirs of revolutions, whose business it is to consolidate and stabilize the achievements of the revolution at home and capitalize them abroad. ** [[E. H. Carr]], "From Napoleon to Stalin" (1950) *One asks oneself by what sleight of hand Bonaparte, who was so much the aristocrat, who hated the people so cordially, has been able to obtain the popularity which he enjoys. For there is no gainsaying the fact that this subjugator has remained popular with a nation which once made it a point of honour to raise altars to independence and equality. Here is the solution.<br>It is a matter of daily observation that the Frenchman's instinct is to strive after power; he cares not for liberty; equality is his idol. Now there is a hidden connection between equality and despotism. In both these respects Napoleon had a pull over the hearts of the French, who have a military liking for power and are democratically fond of seeing everything levelled. When he mounted the throne, he took the people with him. A proletarian king, he humiliated kings and noblemen in his anterooms. He levelled the ranks, not down but up. To have dragged them down to plebeian depths would have flattered the envy of the lowest; the higher level was more pleasing to their pride. French vanity, too, enjoyed the superiority which Bonaparte gave us over the rest of Europe. Another cause of Napoleon's popularity is the affliction of his latter days. After his death, as his sufferings on St. Helena became better known, people's hearts began to soften; his tyranny was forgotten; it was remembered how, having vanquished our enemies and subsequently having brought them into France, he defended our soil against them; we fancy that if he were alive today he would save us from the ignominy in which we are living. His misfortunes have revived his name among us, his glory has fed on his wretchedness.<br>The miracles wrought by his arms have bewitched our youth, and have taught us to worship brute force. The most insolent ambition is spurred on by his unique career to aspire to the heights which he attained. **[[François-René de Chateaubriand]], ''[[w:Mémoires d'Outre-Tombe|Mémoires d'Outre-Tombe: Tome Quatrième]]'' (1849), p. 57, quoted in Pieter Geyl, ''Napoleon For and Against'' (1949), pp. 28-29 * '''Bonaparte robs a nation of its independence: deposed as emperor, he is sent into exile, where the world's anxiety still does not think him safely enough imprisoned, guarded by the [[Atlantic Ocean|Ocean]].''' He dies: the news proclaimed on the door of the palace in front of which the conqueror had announced so many funerals, neither detains nor astonishes the passer-by: what have the [[Citizenship|citizens]] to mourn? <br> [[George Washington|Washington]]'s [[United States|Republic]] lives on; Bonaparte's empire is destroyed. '''Washington and Bonaparte emerged from the womb of democracy: both of them born to liberty, the former remained faithful to her, the latter betrayed her.''' ** [[François-René de Chateaubriand]], in ''[[w:Mémoires d'Outre-Tombe|Mémoires d'outre-tombe]]'' (1848 – 1850), Book VI, Ch. 8 : Comparison of Washington and Bonaparte * The Emperor is mad, completely mad, and will destroy us all; this will all end in some horrible crash. **[[w:Denis Decrès|Denis Decrès]], quoted in Theodore Ayrault Dodge, ''Napoleon: A History of the Art of War, from the Beginning of the Peninsular War to the End of the Russian Campaign, with a Detailed Account of the Napoleonic Wars, Volume III'' (1907), p. 427 * Sire, sleep in peace; from the tomb itself you labor continually for France. At every danger to the country, our flags quiver at the passage of the [[Eagles|Eagle]]. If our legions have returned victorious through the triumphal arch which you built, it is because the sword of Austerlitz marked out their direction, showing how to unite and lead the army that, won the victory. Your masterly lessons, your determined labors, remain indefeasible examples. In studying them and meditating on them the art of war grows daily greater. It is only in the reverently and thoughtfully gathered rays of your immortal glory that generations of the distant future shall succeed in grasping the science of combat and the management of armies for the sacred cause of the defense of the country. ** [[Ferdinand Foch]], Elegy at the Tomb of Napoleon, as quoted in ''The World's Greatest Speeches'' (1999), p. 209 * I never admired the character of the first Napoleon; but I recognize his great genius. His work, too, has left its impress for good on the face of Europe. The third Napoleon could have no claim to having done a good or just act. ** [[Ulysses S. Grant]], [https://www.gutenberg.org/files/4367/4367-h/4367-h.htm ''Personal Memoirs of U. S. Grant''] (1885), emphasis added * '''I don't know why, but the little bastard scares me.''' ** [http://www.laura-harrington.com/index4.html Laura Harrington], in ''[https://pilgrimtheatre.org/ slot gacor]'', portraying a comment by one of his generals when he showed up to command the army of Italy. * For the Napoleonic myth is based less on Napoleon’s merits than on the facts, then unique, of his career. The great known world-shakers of the past had begun as kings like Alexander or patricians like Julius Caesar; but Napoleon was the ‘little corporal’ who rose to rule a continent by sheer personal talent. (This was not strictly true, but his rise was sufficiently meteoric and high to make the description reasonable.) Every young intellectual who devoured books, as the young Bonaparte had done, wrote bad poems and novels, and adored Rousseau could henceforth see the sky as his limit, laurels surrounding his monogram. Every businessman henceforth had a name for his ambition: to be—the clichés themselves say so—a ‘Napoleon of finance’ or industry. All common men were thrilled by the sight, then unique, of a common man who became greater than those born to wear crowns. Napoleon gave ambition a personal name at the moment when the double revolution had opened the world to men of ambition. Yet he was more. He was the civilized man of the eighteenth century, rationalist, inquisitive, enlightened, but with sufficient of the disciple of Rousseau about him to be also the romantic man of the nineteenth. He was the man of the Revolution, and the man who brought stability. In a word, he was the figure every man who broke with tradition could identify himself with in his dreams.<br>For the French he was also something much simpler: the most successful ruler in their long history. He triumphed gloriously abroad; but at home he also established or re-established the apparatus of French institutions as they exist to this day. Admittedly most—perhaps all—his ideas were anticipated by Revolution and Directory; his personal contribution was to make them rather more [[Conservatism|conservative]], hierarchical and authoritarian. But his predecessors anticipated: he carried out. The great lucid monuments of French law, the Codes which became models for the entire non-[[Anglo-Saxons|Anglo-Saxon]] [[Bourgeoisie|bourgeois]] world, were Napoleonic. The [[hierarchy]] of officials, from the prefects down, of courts, of [[Universities|university]] and schools, was his. The great ‘careers’ of French public life, army, civil service, education, law still have their Napoleonic shapes. He brought stability and prosperity to all except the quarter-of-a-million Frenchmen who did not return from his wars; and even to their relatives he brought glory. No doubt the [[United Kingdom|British]] saw themselves fighting for [[liberty]] against [[tyranny]]; but in 1815 most [[Englishmen]] were probably poorer and worse off than they had been in 1800, while most Frenchmen were almost certainly better off; nor had any except the still negligible [[Wage slavery|wage-labourers]] lost the substantial economic benefits of the Revolution. There is little mystery about the persistence of Bonapartism as an ideology of non-political Frenchmen, especially the richer peasantry, after his fall. It took a second and smaller Napoleon to dissipate it between 1851 and 1870.<br>He had destroyed only one thing: the Jacobin Revolution, the dream of equality, liberty and fraternity, and of the people rising in its majesty to shake off oppression. It was a more powerful myth than his, for after his fall it was this, and not his memory, which inspired the revolutions of the nineteenth century, even in his own country. ** [[Eric Hobsbawm]], ''The Age of Revolution'' (1962), Chap. 3 : The French Revolution * He found his best satisfaction not in pleasure but in toil. He could live with little food, little sleep - and very little dalliance. The one thing he could ''not'' dispense with was work, and work in prodigious quantities. ** Tighe Hopkins in ''The Women Napoleon Loved'' *A little while ago, I stood by the grave of the old Napoleon, a magnificent tomb, and I gazed upon the sarcophagus of rare and nameless marble, where rest at last the ashes of that restless man. I leaned over the balustrade and thought about the career of the greatest soldier of the modern world. I saw him walking upon the banks of the Seine, contemplating suicide. I saw him at Toulon—I saw him putting down the mob in the streets of Paris—I saw him at the head of the army of Italy—I saw him crossing the bridge of Lodi with the tri-color in his hand—I saw him in Egypt in the shadows of the pyramids—I saw him conquer the Alps and mingle the eagles of France with the eagles of the crags. I saw him at Marengo—at Ulm and Austerlitz. I saw him in Russia, where the infantry of the snow and the cavalry of the wild blast scattered his legions like winter's withered leaves. I saw him at Leipsic in defeat and disaster—driven by a million bayonets back upon Paris—clutched like a wild beast—banished to Elba. I saw him escape and retake an empire by the force of his genius. I saw him upon the frightful field of Waterloo, where [[Chance]] and [[Fate]] combined to wreck the fortunes of their former king. And I saw him at St. Helena, with his hands crossed behind him, gazing out upon the sad and solemn sea. I thought of the orphans and widows he had made—of the tears that had been shed for his glory, and of the only woman who ever loved him, pushed from his heart by the cold hand of ambition. And I said I would rather have been a French peasant and worn wooden shoes. I would rather have lived in a hut with a vine growing over the door, and the grapes growing purple in the kisses of the autumn sun. I would rather have been that poor peasant with my loving wife by my side, knitting as the day died out of the sky—with my children upon my knees and their arms about me—I would rather have been that man and gone down to the tongueless silence of the dreamless dust, than to have been that imperial impersonation of force and murder, known as 'Napoleon the Great'. **[[Robert G. Ingersoll]], The Liberty of Man, Woman and Child * The genius continually discovers fate, and the more profound the genius, the more profound the discovery of fate. To spiritlessness, this is naturally foolishness, but in actuality it is greatness, because no man is born with the idea of providence, and those who think that one acquires it gradually though education are greatly mistaken, although I do not thereby deny the significance of education. Not until sin is reached is providence posited. Therefore the genius has an enormous struggle to reach providence. If he does not reach it, truly he becomes a subject for the study of fate. The genius is an omnipotent ''Ansich'' [in itself] which as such would rock the whole world. For the sake of order, another figure appears along with him, namely fate. [[w:Fate|Fate]] is [[w:Nothing|nothing]]. It is the genius himself who discovers it, and the more profound the genius, the more profoundly he discovers fate, because that figure is merely the anticipation of providence. If he continues to be merely a genius and turns outward, he will accomplish astonishing things; nevertheless, he will always succumb to fate, if not outwardly, so that it is tangible and visible to all, then inwardly. Therefore, a genius-existence is always like a fairy tale if in the deepest sense the genius does not turn inward into himself. The genius is able to do all things, and yet he is dependent upon an insignificance that no one comprehends, an insignificance upon which the genius himself by his omnipotence bestows omnipotent significance. Therefore, a [[w:Napoleon I|second lieutenant]], if he is a genius, is able to become an emperor and change the world, so that there becomes one empire and one emperor. But therefore, too, the army may be drawn up for battle, the conditions for the battle absolutely favorable, and yet in the next moment wasted; a kingdom of heroes may plead that the order for battle be given-but he cannot; he must wait for the fourteenth of June. And why? Because that was the date of the [[w:Battle of Marengo|battle of Marengo]]. So all things may be in readiness, he himself stands before the legions, waiting only for the sun to rise in order to announce the time for the oration that will electrify the soldiers, and the sun may rise more glorious than ever, an inspiring and inflaming sight for all, only not for him, because the sun did not rise as glorious as this at [[w:Battle of Austerlitz|Austerlitz]], and only the sun of Austerlitz gives victory and inspiration. Thus, the inexplicable passion with which such a one may often rage against an entirely insignificant man, when otherwise he may show humanity and kindness even toward his enemies. Yes, woe unto the man, woe unto the woman, woe unto the innocent child, woe unto the beast of the field, woe unto the bird whose flight, woe unto the tree whose branch comes in his way at the moment he is to interpret his omen. ** [[Søren Kierkegaard]], ''The Concept of Anxiety'', Nichol p. 98-100 (1844) * He was the God of War. ** [[Theodoros Kolokotronis]], ''Kolokotronis Memoirs'' by Georgios Tertsetis *Do not think that he will restore [[Poland]]: he thinks only of himself. He hates every great nationality and still more the spirit of independence. He is a tyrant, and his only aim is to satisfy his own ambition. I am sure he will create nothing durable. **[[Tadeusz Kościuszko]], quoted in J. Holland Rose, 'Napoleon and Poland', in W. F. Reddaway, J. H. Penson, O. Halecksi and R. Dyboski (eds.), ''The Cambridge History of Poland: From Augustus II to Pilsudski (1697–1935)'' (1941), pp. 212-213 *If there is one characteristic and striking trait in the innumerable conversations noted down by those who could approach him most intimately, it is the absence of all unforced utterances. He is always seen concerned, either to gauge the intentions of the other person, or to make an impression on his mind so as to lead him towards a certain conclusion; it would be trouble wasted to look for a moment of abandon, of enthusiasm, of sincere outpouring, be it about himself or others. Even when he allows himself to be carried away in these coquetries of cat-like grace, the charm of which contemporaries have so repeatedly described, he does not lose sight of the effect that he is aiming at; even his rash words are calculated. He is impenetrable to those near to him as well as to strangers. It would even be impossible to point out, in the whole of his life, a single one of those sayings of philosophic self-mockery which delight us in [[Julius Caesar|Caesar]] or in [[Frederick II of Prussia|Frederick]], because they show us the man rising above his role, commenting on himself with a judgment unclouded by his own success... Napoleon is always on the stage, always concerned about the impression he is making... He is lacking in that final human greatness which consists in estimating one's self at its true value, and as a result of his incurable self-conceit he remains on the level of small minds. **[[w:Pierre Lanfrey|Pierre Lanfrey]], ''Histoire de Napoléon'', Vol. II (1867), pp. 336 sqq., quoted in Pieter Geyl, ''Napoleon For and Against'' (1949), p. 87 *What! Will you submit to give your country a master taken from a race, of origin so ignominious that the Romans disdained to employ them as slaves? **[[w:Jean-Denis Lanjuinais|Jean-Denis Lanjuinais]], speech to the senate after Napoleon became Emperor (1804), quoted in Hewson Clarke, ''An Impartial History of the Naval, Military and Political Events in Europe from the Commencement of the French Revolution to the Entrance of the Allies Into Paris and the Conclusion of a General Peace, Including a Copious & Original Narrative of the Origin & Progress of that Revolution, Biographical Memoirs of Buonaparte & Other Principal Persons, Together with a Comprehensive Account of the Transactions in America & the East & West Indies, Embellished with Fine Engravings'' (1815), pp. 1116-1117 *I have always been the victim of my attachment to him. He only loves you by fits and starts, that is, when he has need of you. **[[w:Jean Lannes|Jean Lannes]], statement during the [[w:Siege of Danzig (1807)|Siege of Danzig]] (March 1807), quoted in John Holland Rose, ''The Life of Napoleon I, Vol. II'' (1902), p. 193 * A dîner, il nous disait qu'il se trouvait beaucoup mieux, et nous lui avons fait observer, à ce sujet, que, depuis quelque temps néanmoins, il ne sortait plus, et travaillat huit, dix, douze heures par jour.<br>«C'est cela même,» disait-il: «le travail est mon élément; je suis né et construit pour le travail. J'ai connu les limites de mes jambes, j'ai connu les limites de mes yeux; je n'ai jamais pu connaître celles de mon travail.» ** At dinner, he told us that he was much better, and we pointed out to him, about this, that, for some time however, he had not been out, and had been working eight, ten, or twelve hours a day. "That is just it," said he: "work is my element; I was born and made for it. I have found the limits of my legs; I have found the limits of my eyes; but I have never been able to find the limits of my labour." ***[[w:Emmanuel, comte de Las Cases|Emmanuel, comte de Las Cases]], ''[[w:The Memorial of Saint Helena|Mémorial de Sainte Hélène]]'', Volume 6, [https://play.google.com/books/reader?id=qSliAAAAcAAJ&printsec=frontcover&output=reader&hl=en&pg=GBS.PA272 p. 272] * Although Napoleon's individual ambitions were not realised, his actions have nevertheless left the deepest impress on society. In France, the new state had not yet taken definite shape, and it was Napoleon who gave it an administrative framework that bore the marks of a master hand. The Revolution of 1789 had thrust the middle classes forward into power, but this power had then been disputed by a rising democracy. Under the protection of the emperor, the notables succeeded in recovering it, and grew in wealth and influence. Once they had got rid of the menace of the common people, they were prepared to govern and to restore liberalism. In Europe, the spread of French ideas, the influence of England, the advance of capitalism and the consequent rise of the middle classes, all tended in the same direction and resulted in a marked speeding up of evolution and the introduction of the modern order. The expansion of culture, the proclamation of the sovereignty of the people and the spread of Romanticism foreshadowed the awakening of nationalism, and Napoleon’s territorial rearrangements and reforms encouraged these trends. Capitalism was taking root in the West, and the blockade provided protection for its early stages. Romanticism had long been fermenting in Europe, and Napoleon provided its poets with the perfect hero. But though Napoleon’s influence was considerable, this was only in so far as it followed the currents that were already carrying European civilisation along with them. If historical determinism is to be brought into the picture, this is where its effects may be observed. ** [[w:Georges Lefebvre|Georges Lefebvre]], ''Napoléon'' (1935) * But [[Henry Temple, 3rd Viscount Palmerston|Palmerston]] likes to put his foot on their necks! Now, no statesman must triumph over an enemy that is not quite dead, because people forget a real loss, a real misfortune, but they won’t forget an insult. Napoleon made great mistakes that way; he hated Prussia, insulted it on all occasions, but still left it alive. The consequence was that in 1813 they rose to a man in Prussia, even children and women took arms, because they had been treated with contempt and insulted. ** [https://rc.library.uta.edu/uta-ir/bitstream/handle/10106/382/umi-uta-1517.pdf?sequence=1&isAllowed=y Early Belgian colonial Efforts: The long and fateful shadow of Leopold I] King [[Leopold I of Belgium]] in a letter to Palmerston. After both Victoria and Palmerston agreed and united against Leopold in forcing him to accept the treaty with Holland, thus settling for less than he and the Belgian people had hoped for after the revolution of 1830. *At the battle of Waterloo, when Napoleon's cavalry had charged again and again upon the unbroken squares of British infantry, at last they were giving up the attempt, and going off in disorder, when some of the officers in mere vexation and complete despair fired their pistols at those solid squares. ** [[Abraham Lincoln]], [https://archive.is/oYxvX Speech at New Haven, Connecticut] (6 March 1860) *The spirit which had produced [[French Revolution|the revolution]], which had changed the whole constitution of society in France, and had given battle to all the monarchies of Europe, was not wholly extinct; and, as the calamities of anarchy faded from the remembrance of the people, would probably become stronger and stronger. To destroy it utterly, to prevent it from ever reviving, to turn the minds of men into a course different from that in which they had moved during the greater part of the eighteenth century, was the chief object of the policy of Napoleon. He is said to have observed that nobody could conceive the difficulties of governing a people who read [[The Social Contract|the social contract]] and [[The Spirit of the Laws|the spirit of the laws]]. His whole conduct showed that he was possessed by an ambition at once the meanest and the most gigantic that ever entered into any heart. Too selfish to govern in conformity with the [[Liberalism|liberal]] principles of the age, he attempted to compress the spirit of the age into conformity with his maxims of government. Political science was to be forced backwards. The public mind of Europe was to sink into second childhood, lest the depraved ambition of one man should encounter a single obstacle. **[[Thomas Babington Macaulay]], ''Napoleon and the Restoration of the Bourbons: The Completed Portion of Macaulay's Projected "History of France from the Restoration of the Bourbons to the Accession of Louis Philippe"'', ed. Joseph Hamburger (1977), p. 56 *The press was placed under the most severe and watchful restraint. The jealously of the emperor was not confined to the writings of the living, but extended to works which had long been classical. [[Louis XIV of France|Louis the Fourteenth]], though a despot and a conqueror, had listened with respect to the noble discourse in which the eloquence of [[Jean Baptiste Massillon|Massillon]] exposed the folly and wickedness of ambition. Bonaparte dreaded the effect which those sermons might produce on a people exhausted by taxes and conscriptions. Louis the Fourteenth, superstitious as he was, defended the [[Tartuffe]] of [[Molière]] against the hypocrites and bigots of his court. Bonaparte expressed his regret that such a piece should be in possession of the stage, and declared that, if it had been new, he would not have suffered it to be performed. Coming after a revolution produced by the force of public opinion, he was more competent than any of his predecessors to estimate that force, and was more solicitous than any of them to guard against it... Every writer of every age who had set forth the evils of despotism he regarded as his personal enemy. He spoke with bitterness of the masterly portraits of [[Tacitus]], of those lessons of benevolence which are conveyed in the sweet and glowing language of [[François Fénelon|Fénélon]], and of those bold attacks on political and social abuses which form the redeeming part of the writings of [[Voltaire]]. He hated [[Anne Louise Germaine de Staël|madame de Staël]], and persecuted her with unmanly cruelty. Other despots were content to prescribe to their subjects what they should not write; the French emperor dictated almost the whole literature of France: he made it a crime not to flatter him. **[[Thomas Babington Macaulay]], ''Napoleon and the Restoration of the Bourbons: The Completed Portion of Macaulay's Projected "History of France from the Restoration of the Bourbons to the Accession of Louis Philippe"'', ed. Joseph Hamburger (1977), pp. 56-67 *If the plans of Napoleon had succeeded, if he had been able to humble Russia, to drive the English from [[Spain]], to keep down the whole continent by military force, if his life had been prolonged to the full age of man, and if his power had lasted as long as his life, it is scarcely possible to estimate the amount of evil which he would have produced. He would have renewed, perhaps for centuries, the expiring lease of tyranny... The insolence of office would have succeeded to the insolence of birth. The old aristocracy would have fallen, only that a new aristocracy, of the basest and most pernicious kind, might rise in its stead; an aristocracy of placemen, oppressing the people, and oppressed by each other. A new generation would have grown up skilfully trained and broken in to slavery, – a generation which would have derived all its political notions from books mutilated by censors, and conversations watched by spies. The government would have been like that of the [[Byzantine Empire|Byzantine empire]], or that of [[China]], – a vast official hierarchy, rising by numerous gradations, with an oppressed people beneath and a solitary tyrant at the summit; and the human intellect would have languished as it languished under the emperors of the east, and as it has for ages languished in China. **[[Thomas Babington Macaulay]], ''Napoleon and the Restoration of the Bourbons: The Completed Portion of Macaulay's Projected "History of France from the Restoration of the Bourbons to the Accession of Louis Philippe"'', ed. Joseph Hamburger (1977), p. 60 * After the first Revolution had transformed the semi-feudal peasants into freeholders, Napoleon confirmed and regulated the conditions in which they could exploit undisturbed the soil of France which they had only just acquired, and could slake their youthful passion for property. But what is now ruining the French peasant is his small holding itself, the division of the land and the soil, the property form which Napoleon consolidated in France. It is exactly these material conditions which made the feudal peasant a small-holding peasant and Napoleon an emperor. Two generations sufficed to produce the unavoidable result: progressive deterioration of agriculture and progressive indebtedness of the agriculturist. The “Napoleonic” property form, which at the beginning of the nineteenth century was the condition of the emancipation and enrichment of the French countryfolk, has developed in the course of this century into the law of their enslavement and their pauperism. And just this law is the first of the “Napoleonic ideas” which the second Bonaparte has to uphold. If he still shares with the peasants the illusion that the cause of their ruin is to be sought not in the small holdings themselves but outside them – in the influence of secondary circumstances – his experiments will shatter like soap bubbles when they come in contact with the relations of production. ** [[Karl Marx]], ''The Eighteenth Brumaire of Louis Bonaparte'' *[I]t was not until he left the military school that he gave himself up with ardour to study. He has often told me that since that date he has constantly worked sixteen hours a day. Nevertheless he already had within him the germs of the qualities which were brought out by education, and which, under the influence of events, developed to the highest degree. These dominating qualities were pride, and a sentiment of his dignity, a warlike instinct, a genius for form, the love of order and of discipline. **[[w:Claude-François de Méneval|Claude-François de Méneval]], ''Memoirs to Serve for the History of Napoleon I from 1802 to 1815, Vol. I'', translated by Robert H. Sherard (1894), p. 107 * Like a final signpost to other ways, there appeared Napoleon, the most unique and violent anachronism that ever existed, and in him the incarnate problem of the aristocratic ideal in itself—consider well what a problem it is:—Napoleon, that synthesis of Monster and Superman. ** [[Friedrich Nietzsche]], ''On the Genealogy of Morals'' * "'''What do you think'''," said he, "'''of all things in the world would give me the greatest pleasure?'''" I was on the point of replying, removal from St. Helena, when he said, "'''To be able to go about ''incognito'' in London and other parts of England, to the ''restaurateurs'', with a friend, to dine in public at the expense of half a guinea or a guinea, and listen to the conversation of the company'''; to go through them all, changing almost daily, and in this manner, with my own ears, to hear the people express their sentiments, in their unguarded moments, freely and without restraint; to hear their real opinion of myself, and of the surprising occurrences of the last twenty years." I observed, that he would hear much evil and much good of himself. "Oh, as to the evil," replied he, "I care not about that. I am well used to it. Besides, I know that the public opinion will be changed. The nation will be just as much disgusted at the libels published against me, as they formerly were greedy in reading and believing them. This," added he, "and the education of my son, would form my greatest pleasure. It was my intention to have done this, had I reached America. '''The happiest days of my life were from sixteen to twenty, during the ''semestres'', when I used to go about, as I have told you I should wish to do, from one ''restaurateur'' to another, living moderately, and having a lodging for which I paid three louis a month. They were the happiest days of my life. I was always so much occupied, that I may say I never was truly happy upon the throne.'''" ** [[w:Barry Edward O'Meara|Barry Edward O'Meara]], in ''Napoleon in Exile : or, A Voice from St. Helena'' (1822), Vol. II, p. 155 *The completest charlatan that ever existed. **[[Thomas Paine]], as quoted in [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:BookSources/0-670-03788-5 ''Thomas Paine''], by Craig Nelson, p. 299. * Bonaparte was a man of iron energy and was remorseless in the pursuit of his goal. But in those days there were not a few energetic, talented, and ambitious egoists besides him. The place Bonaparte succeeded in occupying would not have remained vacant. **Georgy Plekhanov, ''The Fundamentals of Marxism'' *As long as there had been a civilian government, and a constitution, and a republic, there were at least the roots from which liberty might still spring, to blossom once more; now there came, with the sword, a regime on principle opposed to liberty. **[[Edgar Quinet]], ''La Révolution'' (1865), quoted in Pieter Geyl, ''Napoleon For and Against'' (1949), p. 78 *The ideal of Napoleon was the Empire of [[Constantine the Great|Constantine]], and of [[Theodosius I|Theodosius]]. He inherited this tradition as did all the Italian [[w:Guelphs and Ghibellines|Ghibellines]], from his ancestors... Instead of assisting the liberation of the individual conscience, he always postulated a Pope, of whom he would be the Emperor and master. It is a conception which takes its origins from the idea of the Ghibellines and the medieval commentators. When he dreams of the future it is always of the submissive world of a [[Justinian I|Justinian]] or a Theodosius, as imagined by the medieval imperialist thinkers. In the midst of such concepts modern freedom seemed an anachronism; worse, to him it could appear only as the people's whim, as a snare for his power. **[[Edgar Quinet]], ''La Révolution'' (1865), quoted in Pieter Geyl, ''Napoleon For and Against'' (1949), pp. 83-84 * Messieurs, nous avons un maître, ce jeune homme fait tout, peut tout, et veut tout. ** Translation: ''Gentlemen, we have a master; this young man does everything, can do everything and will do everything''. ** [[Emmanuel-Joseph Sieyès]], reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), "Character", p. 105 *From the early days of the [[French Revolution]] political prophets had been foretelling that this revolution would find its embodiment in a man, who, through it, would subdue France and govern her with a power greater than that which had been [[Louis XIV of France|Louis XIV]]'s. Bonaparte saw it, as it had been divined by [[w:Honoré Gabriel Riqueti, comte de Mirabeau|Mirabeau]] and [[Catherine II of Russia|Catherine]], but with his Roman vision of history he had a clearer conception of it than the others. He more particularly ''feels'' it, since this history, which is revealed to his intellect, lives in him and seems to be living for his sake. He does not analyse it, he finds no subtle delectation in it; he goes for it, clearing away one obstacle after another; he sets out for the Empire after the fashion of [[Christopher Columbus|Columbus]], who reached the new world while imagining that he was encircling the old. The others are fearing, expecting or blindly seeking the predicted and inevitable "Man". He knows him, for he will be that man. He reveals to himself his ambition, as his destiny finds its explanation in history. **[[w:Albert Sorel|Albert Sorel]], ''L'Europe at la Révolution Française. Cinquième Partie: Bonaparte et le Directoire 1795–1799'' (1903), pp. 179-180, quoted in Pieter Geyl, ''Napoleon For and Against'' (1949), p. 261 *[[w:Condottiero|Condottiere]] without manners, without fatherland, without morality, an oriental despot, a new [[Attila]], a warrior who knew only how to corrupt and annihilate. **[[Anne Louise Germaine de Staël|Madame de Staël]], quoted in Caroline Moorehead, ''Dancing to the Precipice: Lucie de la Tour Du Pin and the French Revolution'' (2010), p. 357 *'''Napoleon, far more Italian than French, Italian by race, by instinct, imagination, and souvenir, considers in his plan the future of Italy, and, on casting up the final accounts of his reign, we find that the net profit is for Italy and the net loss is for France.''' Since Theodoric and the Lombard kings, the Pope, in preserving his temporal sovereignty and spiritual omnipotence, has maintained the sub-divisions of Italy; let this obstacle be removed and Italy will once more become a nation. Napoleon prepares the way, and constitutes it beforehand by restoring the Pope to his primitive condition, by withdrawing from him his temporal sovereignty and limiting his spiritual omnipotence, by reducing him to the position of managing director of Catholic consciences and head minister of the principal cult authorized in the empire. **[[Hippolyte Taine]] in Napoleon's views on religion. <ref>[https://archive.org/stream/jstor-25102177/25102177_djvu.txt Archive]</ref> *That illustrious war chief became the pacifier of France: he restored the country's national cohesion; that is his glory, his incontestable glory, against which nothing will prevail. Could he have achieved through liberty that pacification which he accomplished by authority? Supposing that this great winner of victories had been able to triumph over himself, could he at least have granted to the French certain political rights, have allowed some control, have called the nation to exercise certain liberties, have prepared her for a more intimate knowledge of affairs, thus helping her on the way to a more normal destiny? Did such an attempt hold out any prospect of success, could it even be undertaken, on the morrow of unheard-of convulsions, at a time when the parties of violence were under control, rather than exterminated, when so few Frenchmen had acquired any feeling and any taste for legality; at a time especially when France, triumphant though she was, within her extended frontiers and in the wide development of her offensive and defensive fronts, nevertheless remained a vast fortress besieged by Europe? If Bonaparte in that crisis had made a beginning with the founding of liberty, he would have proved himself superior to his age, superior to himself. It is impossible to say whether the undertaking would have surpassed his genius; it was certainly above the reach of his character. But while not attempting ''this'', he devoted the respite left him by his truce with Europe to proceeding with his work of interior reconstruction and to reinfusing order and greatness into all parts of the Commonwealth. **[[w:Albert Vandal|Albert Vandal]], ''L'avènement de Bonaparte'' (1902), quoted in Pieter Geyl, ''Napoleon For and Against'' (1949), pp. 231-232 *A quarter of an hour later came Napoleon. I received him with Countess Tauenzien at the foot of the staircase. He is excessively ugly, with a flat, swollen, sallow face; he is very corpulent besides, short, and entirely without figure; his great round eyes roll gloomily about, the expression of his features is severe, he looks like the incarnation of fate. Only his mouth is well shaped, and his teeth are good also. **[[w:Sophie Marie von Voß|Sophie Marie von Voß]], diary entry on Napoleon's meeting with [[w:Louise of Mecklenburg-Strelitz|Queen Louise]] of Prussia at [[w:Treaties of Tilsit|Tilsit]] (6 July 1807), quoted in Sophie Marie Countess von Voss, ''Sixty-Nine Years at the Court of Prussia, Vol. II'', translated by Emily and Agnes Stephenson (1876), p. 109 * '''I used to say of him that his presence on the field made the difference of forty thousand men.''' ** [[Arthur Wellesley, 1st Duke of Wellington]], spoken statement (2 November 1831), as quoted in ''Notes of Conversations with the Duke of Wellington'' (1886) by [[w:Philip Stanhope, 5th Earl Stanhope|Philip Henry Stanhope]] * In early life he may have been a sincere republican; but he hated anarchy and disorder, and, before his campaign in Italy was over, he had begun to plan to make himself ruler of France. '''He worked systematically to transform the people's earlier ardor for liberty into a passion for military glory and plunder.''' ** [http://www.archive.org/search.php?query=creator%3A%22Willis%20Mason%20West%22 Willis Mason West] in [http://www.archive.org/details/storyworldprogr00westgoog ''The Story of World Progress'' (1922), p. 434] *That monster, choked out of hell, formed by [[w:Beelzebub|Beelzebub]], formed to be the scorching of the earth ** [[w:Frederick William II of Prussia|Frederick William II of Prussia]] ===''Le Moniteur Universel''=== * The cannibal has left his lair. ** ''Le Moniteur Universel'', March 9, 1815. * The Corsican ogre has just landed at the Juan Gulf. ** ''Le Moniteur Universel'', March 10, 1815. * The tiger has arrived at Gap. ** ''Le Moniteur Universel'', March 11, 1815. * The monster slept at Grenoble. ** ''Le Moniteur Universel'', March 12, 1815. * The tyrant has crossed Lyons. ** ''Le Moniteur Universel'', March 13, 1815. * The usurper was seen sixty leagues from the capital. ** ''Le Moniteur Universel'', March 18, 1815. * Bonaparte has advanced with great strides, but he will never enter Paris. ** ''Le Moniteur Universel'', March 19, 1815. * Tomorrow, Napoleon will be under our ramparts. ** ''Le Moniteur Universel'', March 20, 1815. * The Emperor has arrived at Fontainbleau. ** ''Le Moniteur Universel'', March 21, 1815. * His Imperial and Royal Majesty entered his palace at the Tuileries last night in the midst of his faithful subjects. ** ''Le Moniteur Universel'', March 22, 1815. == External links == {{wikipedia|Napoleon I of France}} {{wikisource author|Napoleon Bonaparte}} {{commons|Napoléon Bonaparte}} * [http://edu-archive.org/protect.php?url=http://www.pbs.org/empires/napoleon/home.html Napoleon] at PBS : a biography of Napoleon **{{gutenberg|no=3567|name=Memoirs of Napoleon}} **{{gutenberg|no=14300|name=The Life of Napoleon I}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Napoleon I of France}} [[Category:Military leaders from France]] [[Category:Monarchs from France]] [[Category:Academics from France]] [[Category:Emperors]] [[Category:1769 births]] [[Category:1821 deaths]] [[Category:Prisoners]] <!-- links de acesso rapido --> og747wd64vct27w8k94nk6kiscd06y8 3779048 3779047 2025-07-15T09:05:50Z Cagliost 3102 Fake 3779048 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Jacques Louis David - Bonaparte franchissant le Grand Saint-Bernard, 20 mai 1800 - Google Art Project.jpg|thumb|right|The [[Truth|true]] [[character]] of [[man]] ever displays itself in [[great]] events.]] '''[[w:Napoleon I of France|Napoléon Bonaparte]]''' ([[15 August]] [[1769]] – [[5 May]] [[1821]]) was a [[France|French]] military general who rose dramatically up the ranks of the French Army during the [[French Revolution]], becoming the ruler of [[France]] as First Consul of the French Republic (11 November 1799 - 18 May 1804), and then Emperor of the French and King of Italy under the name '''Napoleon I''' (18 May 1804 - 6 April 1814, and again briefly from 20 March - 22 June 1815). He died in exile on the island of [[w:Saint Helena|Saint Helena]]. [[File:Jacques-Louis David 011.jpg|thumb|right|[[All|Everything]] tells me I shall succeed.]] [[File:Pierre-Paul Prud'hon 001.jpg|thumb|right|My waking [[thoughts]] are all of thee...]] [[File:Jacques-Louis David - The Emperor Napoleon in His Study at the Tuileries - Google Art Project 2.jpg|thumb|right|The barbarous [[custom]] of having men beaten who are suspected of having important [[secrets]] to reveal must be abolished.]] [[File:Napoleons retreat from moscow.jpg|thumb|right|From the sublime to the ridiculous is but a step.]] [[File:Ingres, Napoleon on his Imperial throne.jpg|thumb|right|What is a throne? — a bit of wood gilded and covered in velvet... I am the throne.]] [[File:Jean-Louis-Ernest Meissonier-Campagne de France.jpg|thumb|right|France is invaded; I am leaving to take command of my troops, and, with [[God]]'s help and their valor, I hope soon to drive the [[enemy]] beyond the frontier.]] [[File:Baron François Gérard - Joséphine in coronation costume - Google Art Project.jpg|thumb|right|I generally had to give in.]] [[File:DelarocheNapoleon.jpg|thumb|right|I never was truly my own master but was always ruled by circumstances.]] [[File:Rostock Bluecherdenkmal ohne Sockel 2011-02-12.jpg|thumb|right|Ordinary men died, men of iron were taken prisoner: I only brought back with me men of bronze.]] == Quotes == *You [[French people|Frenchmen]], not content with having robbed us of everything we held dear, have also corrupted our character. The actual condition of [[w:Corsica|my country]], and the impossibility of changing it, is another reason for escaping from an earth, where I am obliged to praise men from a sense of [[duty]], whom I must hate from a sense of virtue. When I arrive in my fatherland, what attitude am I to hold—what language am I to use? A good patriot ought to die when his fatherland has ceased to exist. If the deliverance of my fellow-countrymen depended upon the death of a single man, I would go immediately and plunge the sword which would avenge my country and its violated laws into the breast of tyrants. **'On Suicide' (May 1786), quoted in Oscar Browning, ''The Boyhood and Youth of Napoleon: Some Chapters on the Life of Bonaparte, 1769–1793'' (1906), p. 284 * '''Send me 300 francs; that sum will enable me to go to [[Paris]]. There, at least, one can cut a figure and surmount obstacles. Everything tells me I shall succeed. Will you prevent me from doing so for the want of 100 crowns?''' ** Letter to his uncle, [[w:Joseph Fesch|Joseph Fesch]] (June 1791), as quoted in ''A Selection from the Letters and Despatches of the First Napoleon. With Explanatory Notes'' (1884) edited by D. A. Bingham, Vol. I, p. 24 *Hand weapons were the main weapons of the ancients; it is with his short sword that the legionary conquered the world. It is with the Macedonian lance that [[Alexander the Great|Alexander]] conquered Asia. **Precis des Guerres Cesar Das Napoleon I * '''My waking [[thoughts]] are all of thee.''' Your portrait and the remembrance of last night's delirium have robbed my senses of repose. Sweet and incomparable Josephine, what an extraordinary influence you have over my heart. Are you vexed? Do I see you sad? Are you ill at ease? My soul is broken with grief, and there is no rest for your lover. ** Letter to [[w:Joséphine de Beauharnais|Joséphine de Beauharnais]] (February 1796), as translated in ''Napoleon's Letters to Josephine 1796-1812'' (1901) edited by Henry Foljambe Hall * '''[[All]] [[great]] events hang by a hair. The man of [[ability]] takes advantage of everything and neglects nothing that can give him a [[chance]] of [[success]]; whilst the less able man sometimes loses everything by neglecting a single one of those chances.''' ** Letter to Minister of Foreign Affairs, Passariano (26 September 1797), as quoted in ''Napoleon as a General'' (1902) by Maximilian Yorck von Wartenburg, p. 269 * '''From the heights of these [[pyramids]], forty centuries look down on us.''' ** Speech to his troops in Egypt (21 July 1798) Variant translation: "Soldiers, from the summit of yonder pyramids forty centuries look down upon you...". Published in the autobiography of French general [[w:Eugène de Beauharnais|Eugène de Beauharnais]]. * '''What I have done up to this is nothing. I am only at the beginning of the course I must run.''' Do you imagine that I triumph in [[Italy]] in order to aggrandise the pack of lawyers who form the Directory, and men like [[Lazare Carnot|Carnot]] and [[w:Paul François Jean Nicolas, vicomte de Barras|Barras]]? What an idea! ** As quoted in ''Memoirs of Count Miot de Melito'' (1788 - 1815) as translated by Frances Cashel Hoey and John Lillie (1881), Vol. II, p. 94 * '''I do not care to play the part of [[George Monck, 1st Duke of Albemarle|Monk]]; I will not play it myself, and I do not choose that others shall do so.''' But those Paris lawyers who have got into the Directory understand nothing of government. They are poor creatures. I am going to see what they want to do at Rastadt; but I doubt much that we shall understand each other, or long agree together. They are jealous of me, I know, and notwithstanding all their flattery, I am not their dupe; they fear more than they love me. They were in a great hurry to make me General of the army of [[England]], so that they might get me out of Italy, where I am the master, and am more of a sovereign than commander of an army. They will see how things go on when I am not there. I am leaving [[w:Louis Alexandre Berthier|Berthier]], but he is not fit for the chief command, and, I predict, will only make blunders. As for myself, my dear Miot, I may inform you, I can no longer obey; I have tasted command, and I cannot give it up. I have made up my mind, if I cannot be master I shall leave France; I do not choose to have done so much for her and then hand her over to lawyers. ** Conversation at Turin, as quoted in ''Memoirs of Count Miot de Melito'' (1788 - 1815) as translated by Frances Cashel Hoey and John Lillie (1881), Vol. II, p. 113 ** 'Monk' refers to [[w:George_Monck,_1st_Duke_of_Albemarle|George Monck]], military ruler of [[Puritanism|Puritan]] [[England]] after [[Oliver Cromwell|Cromwell]], who ultimately gave up power when he invited [[Charles II of England|Charles II]] in and enabled the [[w:English Restoration|English Restoration]] * I hope the [[time]] is not far off when I shall be able to unite all the wise and educated men of all the countries and establish a uniform regime based on the principles of the ''[[Quran]]'' which alone are true and which alone can lead men to [[happiness]]. ** Letter to Sheikh El-Messiri (28 August 1798); published in ''Correspondance Napoleon'' edited by Henri Plon (1861), Vol.4, No. 3148, p. 420 *The sanhedrin is at least useful to me.* * '''The barbarous custom of having men beaten who are suspected of having important [[secrets]] to reveal must be abolished. It has always been recognized that this way of interrogating men, by putting them to [[torture]], produces nothing worthwhile. The poor wretches say anything that comes into their [[mind]] and what they think the interrogator wishes to know.''' ** On the subject of torture, in a letter to [[w:Louis Alexandre Berthier|Louis Alexandre Berthier]] (11 November 1798), published in ''Correspendance Napoleon'' edited by Henri Plon (1861), Vol. V, No. 3605, p. 128 *Even in the midst of war I have never neglected the establishment of useful institutions and the promotion of peace and order at home. There still remains much to be done, and I certainly shall never rest from my labours. But is not military success still more necessary to dazzle or to content our people? Remember that a First Consul bears no resemblance to those [[King|Kings]] by the grace of God who look on their countries as their inherited property. Their authority is supported by [[Antiquity|ancient]] tradition. With us ancient tradition has fallen into contempt, and carries less than no weight. The French Government of to-day bears no sort of resemblance to that of the countries which surround us. Hated by its neighbours, obliged to deal at home with large classes of enemies, we have need to impose on our friends and foes by deeds of glory gained only by war. **Remarks to [[w:Antoine Claire Thibaudeau|Antoine Claire Thibaudeau]] during the [[w:Treaty of Amiens|Peace of Amiens]] (1802), quoted in Antoine Claire Thibaudeau, ''Bonaparte and the Consulate'', translated and edited by G. K. Fortescue (1908), pp. 119-120 * '''A form of [[government]] that is not the result of a long sequence of shared experiences, efforts, and endeavors can never take root.''' ** Statement (1803) as quoted in ''The Mind of Napoleon'' (1955) by J. Christopher Herold *Anarchy is the stepping stone to absolute power. **Napoleon Bonaparte, ''Napoleon's War Maxims: With His Social and Political Thoughts'' (1804-15), Gale & Polden, (1899) p. 148 *[[Commerce]] unites men and make them; therefore it is fatal to despotic power. **Napoleon Bonaparte, ''Napoleon's War Maxims: With His Social and Political Thoughts'' (1804-15), Gale & Polden, (1899) p. 150 * For my part, it is not the mystery of the incarnation which I discover in religion, but the mystery of social order, which associates with heaven that idea of equality which prevents the rich from destroying the poor. [Incorrect translation, should be ''prevents the rich from being massacred by the poor.''] Religion is indeed a kind of vaccine innoculation, which, by satisfying our natural love for the marvellous, keeps us out of the hands of charlatans and conjurors. The priests are better than the Cagliostros, the Kants, and all the visionaries of Germany. **Napoleon in council, or, The opinions delivered by Bonaparte in the Council of state. Translated by Capt. Basil Hall. [https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/pt?id=hvd.hwkzmn&seq=278&q1=innoculation p. 258]. Quoted in Andrew Roberts: ''Napoleon: A Life'' ** ''Quant à moi, je ne vois pas dans la religion le mystère de l'incarnation, mais le mystère de l'ordre social; elle rattache au ciel une idée d'égalité qui empêche que le riche ne soit massacré par le pauvre. La religion est encore une sorte d'inoculation ou de vaccine qui, en satisfaisant notre amour du merveilleux, nous garantit des charlatans et des sorciers: les prêtres valent mieux que les Cagliostro, les Kant et tous les rêveurs d'Allemagne.'' *** Statement, March 4, 1806, as reported in ''Opinions de Napoléon sur divers sujets de politique et d'administration, recueillies par un membre de son conseil d'état'' as recalled by Baron [[w:Joseph Pelet de la Lozère|Joseph Pelet de la Lozère]] (1833), [https://gallica.bnf.fr/ark:/12148/bpt6k96493110/f231.image.r=Innoculation p. 223] *My intention is that the main village where the [[insurrection]] started shall be burnt, and that thirty of the ringleaders shall be shot; an impressive example is needed to contain the hatred of the [[Peasant|peasantry]] and of that [[Soldiers|soldiery]]. If you have not yet made an example, let there be one without delay... Let not the month pass without the principal village, borough, or small town which gave the signal for the insurrection being burned, and a large number of individuals being shot... Traces must be left in the cantons which have rebelled. **Letter to the commander-in-chief on the revolt in Hesse (8 January 1807), quoted in Pieter Geyl, ''Napoleon For and Against'' (1949), p. 172 *I am not satisfied with the order which is kept in Madrid; [[w:Augustin Daniel Belliard|Belliard]] is too weak; with the Spaniards it is necessary to be severe. I have arrested here fifteen of the worst characters, and I have ordered them to be shot. Arrest thirty at Madrid... If you treat the mob with kindness, these creatures fancy themselves invulnerable; if you hang a few, they get tired of the game, and become as submissive and humble as they ought to be. **Letter to [[w:Joseph Bonaparte|Joseph Bonaparte]], King of Spain (10 January 1809), quoted in ''The Confidential Correspondence of Napoleon Bonaparte with His Brother Joseph, Sometime King of Spain: Selected and Translated, with Explanatory Notes, from the "Mémoires Du Roi Joseph". Vol. II'' (1855), p. 15 * ''' So…Bessieres lived like [[w:Bayard (legend)|Bayard]]; he died like [[w:Henri de La Tour d'Auvergne, Viscount of Turenne|Turenne]]. We should all be envious of his fate. ** During the early phase of the [[w:Battle of Bautzen (1813)|Battle of Bautzen]] * Conscripts, for shame! It was on you that I was basing my hopes. I expected much from your young courage, and you are running away! ** During the [[Battle of Lutzen (1813) | Battle of Lutzen]] * ''Where do you think you are going? Can’t you see that the battle is won? Come on, stand firm!'' ** During the final stages of the Battle of Lutzen * I have gained the battle of Lutzen like the general-in-chief of the [[Army of Italy]] and of the [[Army of Egypt]]! ** During the final push of [[Battle of Lutzen (1813) | Battle of Lutzen]]. * '''From the sublime to the ridiculous is but a step.''' ** Speaking about troubles in the invasions of Russia (10 December 1812), as recorded by Abbé du Pradt, and quoted in ''History of Europe from the Commencement of the French Revolution in 1789, to the Restoration of the Bourbons in 1815'', Vol. 3 (1842) by Sir Archibald Alison, p. 593 ** Variant translations: <br> '''There is but one step from the sublime to the ridiculous.''' <br> There is only one step from the sublime to the ridiculous. * ''Le mot impossible n'est pas français.'' ** '''The word impossible is not French.''' ** Letter to General [[w:fr:Jean Le Marois|Jean Le Marois]] (9 July 1813), quoted in ''Famous Sayings and their Authors'' (1906) by Edward Latham, p. 138 ** Variant translation: '''You write to me that it is impossible; the word is not French.''' ** Variant attribution: '''Impossible is a word to be found only in the dictionary of fools.''' ** The letter says: "Ce n'est pas possible", m'ecrivez-vous: cela n'est pas français.[http://books.google.es/books?id=TqvSAAAAMAAJ&pg=PA479&dq=correspondance+napoleon+Ier+9+juillet+1813&hl=es&ei=tT3ATqzaNImu8gP01dH9Aw&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=1&ved=0CC4Q6AEwAA#v=onepage&q&f=false Original Source] * '''If the [[art]] of [[war]] were nothing but the art of avoiding risks, [[glory]] would become the prey of mediocre minds.... I have made all the calculations; [[fate]] will do the rest.''' ** Statement at the beginning of the 1813 campaign, as quoted in ''The Mind of Napoleon'' (1955) by J. Christopher Herold, p. 45 * '''All authority is in the throne; and what is the throne? This wooden frame covered with velvet? No, I am the throne.''' ** [https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Napoleon%27s_Addresses/Part_V#Address_to_the_Legislative_Body,_December,_1813. Address to the Legislative Body (December 1813)]; he here echoes the remark attributed to [[w:Louis XIV|Louis XIV]] ''L'état c'est moi'' ( "The State is I" or more commonly: "I am the State.") <!-- ** Variants: ** '''What is a throne? — a bit of wood gilded and covered in velvet. I am the state'''— I alone am here the representative of the people. Even if I had done wrong you should not have reproached me in public — people wash their dirty linen at home. France has more need of me than I of France. ** Variant translation: '''A throne is only a bench covered with velvet...''' --> **''Qu'est-ce qu'un trône? Un morceau de bois recouvert de velours; dans la langue politique, le trône c'est moi.'' **Histoire de l'empereur Napoleon, [https://books.google.com/books?id=Uh2S3GUoO4EC&pg=PA435 pg 435]. * France is invaded; I am leaving to take command of my troops, and, with God's help and their valor, I hope soon to drive the enemy beyond the frontier. ** Statement at Paris (23 January 1814) {{fix cite}} * The bullet that will kill me is not yet cast. ** Statement at Montereau (17 February 1814) {{fix cite}} * The Allied Powers having proclaimed that the Emperor Napoleon is the sole obstacle to the re-establishment of peace in Europe, he, faithful to his oath, declares that he is ready to descend from the throne, to quit France, and even to relinquish life, for the good of his country. ** Act of Abdication (4 April 1814) * England will repent of bringing the Russians so far: they will deprive her of India. ** Comment made to [[Lord John Russell]], Elba 1814, as recorded in Russell's journal and quoted in ''Lady John Russell: A Memoir (1910)'' edited by Desmond McCarthy and Agatha Russell. p. 56 * Unite for the public safety, if you would remain an independent nation. ** Proclamation to the French People (22 June 1815) * Wherever wood can swim, there I am sure to find this flag of England. ** Statement at Rochefort (July 1815) {{fix cite}} * '''Whatever shall we do in that remote spot? Well, we will write our memoirs. Work is the scythe of time.''' ** On board H.M.S. Bellerophon (August 1815) {{fix cite}} * '''I generally had to give in.''' ** Statement on his relations with the Empress Josephine (19 May 1816), quoted in ''The Story of Civilization'' (1935) by [[Will Durant]] and [[w:Ariel Durant|Ariel Durant]], p. 234 *The Princes of [[W:House of Habsburg-Lorraine|this house]] have abandoned their capital, not like soldiers of honour who cede to the circumstances and setbacks of the war, but like the perjured who are pursued by their own remorse. **J. David Markham: "Imperial Glory: The Bulletins of Napoleon's Grande Armee", p. 199. Quoted in Andrew Roberts: Napoleon The Great. *I did not usurp the crown. I picked it up from the gutter; the people placed it on my head. I was king of the people as the Bourbons are kings of the nobles **3 September 1816. Quoted in ''Napoleon at St Helena'', John Stevens Cabot Abbott, [https://books.google.com/books?id=8vcsAAAAYAAJ&newbks=1&newbks_redir=0&printsec=frontcover&pg=PA375 pg 375]. **''Je n'ai point usurpé la couronne: je l'ai relevée dans le ruisseau. Le peuple l'a mise sur ma tête. Je voulais que le titre de Français fut le plus beau, le plus désirable de la terre. J'étais enfin le roi du peuple, comme les Bourbons sont les rois des nobles'' **Charles Tristan, marquis de Montholon: ''Récits de la captivité de l'empereur Napoléon a Sainte-Hélène'', [https://books.google.com/books?id=7gooAQAAIAAJ Pg 384] * '''I may have had many projects, but I never was free to carry out any of them.''' It did me little good to be holding the helm; no matter how strong my hands, the sudden and numerous waves were stronger still, and I was wise enough to yield to them rather than resist them obstinately and make the ship founder. Thus '''I never was truly my own master but was always ruled by circumstances.''' ** Conversation with [[w:Emmanuel, comte de Las Cases|Emmanuel, comte de Las Cases]] (11 November 1816), ''Mémorial de Sainte Hélène'', v. 4, [http://books.google.com/books?id=945jAAAAMAAJ&pg=PA133 p. 133]. * What then is, generally speaking, the [[truth]] of [[history]]? A fable agreed upon. ** Conversation with Emmanuel, comte de Las Cases (20 November 1816), ''Mémorial de Sainte Hélène'', v. 4, [http://books.google.com/books?id=945jAAAAMAAJ&vq=%22fable%20agreed%20upon%22&pg=PA251 p. 251]. However, the phrase predates Napoleon. [[w:Claude Adrien Helvétius|Helvétius]] attributes it to [[w:Bernard le Bovier de Fontenelle|Bernard le Bovier de Fontenelle]], ''De l'esprit'' (1758), [http://books.google.com/books?id=N7g8AAAAcAAJ&vq=%22fable%20convenue%22&pg=RA1-PA443 p. 443] * Women are nothing but machines for producing children. ** ''The St. Helena Journal of General Baron Gourgaud'' (9 January 1817); as quoted in ''The St. Helena Journal of General Baron Gourgaud, 1815-1818 : Being a Diary written at St. Helena during a part of Napoleon's Captivity'' (1932) as translated by Norman Edwards, a translation of ''Journal de Sainte-Hélène 1815-1818'' by General [[w:Gaspard Gourgaud|Gaspard Gourgaud]] * '''My maxim was, ''la carrière est ouverte aux talents'', without distinction of birth or fortune.''' ** as quoted in [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barry_O%27Meara Barry Edward O'Meara's][https://openlibrary.org/works/OL1653828W/Napoleon_in_exile_or_A_voice_from_St._Helena?edition=napoleoninexileo01omeauoft Napoleon in Exile, or, A voice from St. Helena p. 405] * [[Religions]] are all founded on [[miracles]] — on things we cannot understand, such as the [[w:Trinity|Trinity]]. [[Jesus]] calls himself the Son of [[God]], and yet is descended from [[w:David|David]]. I prefer the religion of [[Muhammad|Mahomet]] — it is less ridiculous than ours. ** Letter from St. Helena (28 August 1817); as quoted in ''The St. Helena Journal of General Baron Gourgaud, 1815-1818 : Being a Diary written at St. Helena during a part of Napoleon's Captivity'' (1932) as translated by Norman Edwards, a translation of ''Journal de Sainte-Hélène 1815-1818'' by General [[w:Gaspard Gourgaud|Gaspard Gourgaud]], t.2, p. 226 <!-- Flammarion --> * ''J'aurais dû mourir à Waterloo'' ** I ought to have died at Waterloo *** ''Mémorial de Sainte Hélène'' *Mahomet was a great man, an intrepid soldier; with a handful of men he triumphed at the [[Battle of Badr|battle of Bender]] [''sic'']; a great captain, eloquent, a great man of state, he revived his fatherland and created a new people and a new power in the middle of [[Arabia]]. ** [[Napoleon I of France]] in ''Précis des guerres de César'', Gosselin, 1836, edited by [[w:Jean Gabriel Marchand|Comte Marchand]], p. 237. This work was written by Napoleon during his exile on St. Helena. Translated by Ziad Elmarsafy in [http://books.google.fr/books?id=gkIKAQAAMAAJ The Enlightenment Qur'an]. * The [[Islam|Mohammedan]] religion is the finest of all **''[[:w:The Saint Helena Journal of General Baron Gourgaud|Talks of Napoleon at St. Helena with General Baron Gourgaud]], together with the journal kept by Gourgaud on their journey from Waterloo to St Helena (1903)'', [http://archive.org/stream/talkofnapoleonat007678mbp#page/n321/mode/2up pp. 279–280] * [[Muhammad]] was a great man, an intrepid soldier; with a handful of men he triumphed at the battle of Bender (sic); a great captain, eloquent, a great man of state, he revived his fatherland and created a new people and a new power in the middle of Arabia. ** Statement of 1817 quoted in ''Précis des guerres de César, écrit à Sainte-Hélène sous la dictée de l'empereur'' (1836) edited by [[w:Jean Gabriel Marchand|Comte Marchand]], p. 237. This work was written by Napoleon during his exile on St. Helena. Translated by Ziad Elmarsafy in [http://books.google.fr/books?id=gkIKAQAAMAAJ The Enlightenment Qur'an]. * Muhammad was a prince; he rallied his compatriots around him. In a few years, the [[Muslim|Muslims]] conquered half of the world. They plucked more [[Soul|souls]] from false gods, knocked down more idols, razed more pagan temples in fifteen years than the followers of [[Moses]] and [[Jesus]] did in fifteen centuries. Muhammad was a great man. He would indeed have been a god, if the [[revolution]] that he had performed had not been prepared by the circumstances. ** ''Campagnes d'Egypte et Syrie'', Paris, Imprimerie Nationale, 1998, p. 275. Translated by [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Tolan John Tolan] in [http://www.academia.edu/1834648/European_Accounts_of_Muhammads_Life European Accounts of Muhammad's Life]. Napoleon wrote his memoirs on the island of Saint Helena. It is here he develops his portrait of Muhammad as a model lawmaker and conqueror. * '''I have fought sixty battles and I have learned nothing which I did not know at the beginning.''' ** ''Napoleon: A Biography'' by Frank McLynn, p. 145. Translated from Gourgaud's ''Journal de Sainte-Hélène 1815-1818'', entry of 25 December 1817. *'''Two of my Marshalls are racing to get under their orders the Italian troops; i leave it to Suchet who has better ambitions than Macdonald. The Italians will soon be recognized again as the first soldiers of Europe. I'm very proud of my brave Italian army.''' **Cited in De Laugier, ''Vicissitudes of the Italian people from 1801 to 1815'', to. X, Firenze, 1836, p. 43 – Aless. Zanoli, ''About the Italian army, historical-statistical outline from 1796 to 1814'', vol. II, Milano, 1845, p. 145. * Our hour is marked, and no one can claim a moment of life beyond what fate has predestined. ** To Dr. Arnott (April 1821) {{fix cite}} * I see that everybody has lost their head since the infamous capitulation of Bailén. I realise that I must go there myself to get the machine working again. ** Said after Dupont's capitulation at [[w:Bailén]] to the Spanish (1808), as quoted in ''The Art of Warfare on Land'' (1974) by David G. Chandler, p. 164 * '''Ordinary men died, men of iron were taken prisoner: I only brought back with me men of bronze.''' ** Statement of 1812, quoted in ''Napoleon's Cavalry and its Leaders'' (1978) by David Johnson <!-- and in ''History of the Expedition to Russia'' (1827) by Philippe-Paul Ségur, as translated by C. J. Sumemerville ? --> ::* Les hommes ordinaires ont succombé, disait-il; les hommes de fer ont été faits prisonniers; je ne ramène avec moi que les hommes de bronze. :::*Mémoires du colonel Combe sur les campagnes de Russie 1812, de Saxe 1813, de France 1814 et 1815. Paris 1853. [https://books.google.de/books?id=KhlYAAAAcAAJ&pg=PA184 p. 184 books.google] * `` A general of ordinary talent, occupying a bad position and surprised by a superior force, seeks his safety in retreat; but a great captain supplies all deficiencies by his courage, and marches boldly to meet the attack. By this means he disconcerts his adversary, and if this last shows any irresolution in his movements, a skilful leader, profiting by his indecision, may even hope for victory. * Among so many conflicting ideas and so many different perspectives, the honest man is confused and distressed and the skeptic becomes wicked ... Since one must take sides, one might as well choose the side that is victorious, the side which devastates, loots, and burns. Considering the alternative, it is better to eat than to be eaten. ** Letter to his brother, as quoted in ''The Age of Napoleon'' (2002) by J. Christopher Herold, p. 8 * Depuis le premier jour jusqu'au dernier, il est le même, toujours le même, majestueux et simple , infiniment sévère et infiniment doux ; dans un commerce de vie pour ainsi dire public, Jésus ne donne jamais de prise à la moindre critique; sa conduite si prudente ravit l'admiration par un mélange de force et de douceur. ** ''Sentiment de Napoléon sur la divinité de Jésus-Christ'' (1841), p. 59. Translated: "From first day to the last, he is the same, always the same, majestic and simple, extremely severe and extremely mild in the business of public life, so to speak, Jesus does not hold to any criticism, his prudent manner so delighted admiration by a mixture of strength and gentleness". *'''I am a [[monarch]] of [[God]]'s creation, and you reptiles of the [[earth]] dare not oppose me. I render an account of my [[government]] to none save God and [[Jesus]] [[Christ]].''' ** Addressing members of the Catholic clergy assembled during 'Bonaparte's Conference with the Catholic and Protestant clergy at [[w:Breda|Breda]],' May 1, 1810 (originally reported in the Gazette of [[w:Dorpat|Dorpt]]), as quoted in ''The life of Napoleon Bonaparte, emperor of the French: with a preliminary view of the French revolution'', [[w: Sir Walter Scott | Sir Walter Scott]], Philadelphia: Leary & Getz, 1857, [http://books.google.com/books?id=6yEMAAAAYAAJ&pg=RA1-PA91&dq=%22you+reptiles+of+the+earth%22&lr=&cd=1#v=onepage&q=%22you%20reptiles%20of%20the%20earth%22&f=false p. 91] **Variant translation: '''God placed me on the throne, and you reptiles of the earth dare oppose me. I owe no account of my administration to the pope,— only to God and Jesus Christ.''' *** As quoted in ''The Christian Observer'', Volume 10, 1861, [http://books.google.com/books?id=mc8WAQAAIAAJ&pg=PA261&dq=%22you+reptiles+of+the+earth%22&lr=&cd=2#v=onepage&q=%22you%20reptiles%20of%20the%20earth%22&f=false p. 261] * A cowardly act! What do I care about that? You may be sure that I should never fear to commit one if it were to my advantage. ** Quoted by George Gordon Andrews in ''Napoleon in Review'' (1939)[http://books.google.com/books?id=hnvRAAAAMAAJ&q=&quot;A+cowardly+act+What+do+I+care+about+that+You+may+be+sure+that+I+should+never+fear+to+commit+one+if+it+were+to+my+advantage&quot;&pg=PA8#v=onepage] * The true conquests, the only ones that cause no regret, are those made over ignorance. ** (November 26, 1797) as quoted in Andrew Roberts ''Napoleon: A Life'' p. 157 * A [[Journalism|journalist]] is a grumbler, a censurer, a giver of advice, a regent of sovereigns, a tutor of nations. Four hostile newspapers are more to be feared than an hundred thousand bayonets. ** Appears to be fabricated as it is not known from surviving print before 19 March 1845 when it appeared in ''Mississippi Democrat'' in an article titled 'The Press' and in ''The North-Carolina Standard'' on its own as a column filler. On April 17, 1845 a longer version of "The Press" article appeared in ''The Guard'' (Holly Springs, Miss.) crediting the article to the ''New Orleans Jeffersonian'', a newspaper edited by Col J F H Claiborne (Life of Col. J.F.H. Claiborne by Franklin L. Riley, P. 232). Claiborne was also a US congressman and "ranked among the most eloquent orators of the House of Representatives" (ibid P.221). It is known he was in agreement with the sentiment of the quote having said, "The journalist has a grander mission, and if conscientiously pursued, it is the highest and noblest of all avocations" (ibid P. 228). The relevant issue of the Jeffersonian does not appear to have survived but is possibly the original source of the invented quote. Claiborne again uses the "quote" in 1846 in a tribute to Professor Thomas R. Dew (''Richmond Enquirer'' (Richmond, Va.), October 20, 1846). The "quote" then quickly spreads across the english-speaking world, arriving in England by 26 April and appearing in ''The Sentinel'' (Sydney, Australia) on 5 November 1845. It appears to be unknown in french. *You have already been informed of my arrival on the borders of the Red Sea, with an innumerable and invincible Army, full of the desire of delivering you from the iron yoke of England. I eagerly embrace this opportunity of testifying to you the desire I have of being informed by you, by the way of Muscat and Mocha, as to your political situation. I would even wish you could send some intelligent person to Suez or [[Cairo]], possessing your confidence, with whom I may confer. May the Almighty increase your power and destroy your enemies. **From an undated letter that Napoleon wrote to Tipu Sultan, which was intercepted by the British. Quoted in [[Vikram Sampath]] - Tipu - The Saga of Mysore's Interregnum (2024), chapter 16. === ''Napoleon in Exile'' (1822) === * Had it not been for that fatal suspension of arms, in 1813, to which I was induced to consent by [[Austria]], I should have succeeded. The victories of Lutzen and Wurtzen (Bautzen) had restored confidence in the French forces. The King of Saxony was triumphantly brought back to his capital; one of the corps of the French army was at the gates of [[Berlin]], and the enemy had been driven from [[Hamburg]]. The [[Russia|Russian]] and [[Prussia|Prussian]] armies were preparing to pass the Vistula, when the cabinet of Austria, acting with its characteristic perfidy, advised the suspension of hostilities, at a time when it had already entered into engagements with Russia and Prussia; the armistice was only a delusion to gain the time necessary to make preparations, it being intended to declare against France in May. The unexpected successes obliged it to act with more circumspection. It was necessary to gain more time, and negociations went on at the congress of Prague. Metternich insisted that Austria should have the half of Italy, and made other exorbitant conditions, which were only demanded in order to be refused. As soon as she had got her army ready, Austria declared against France. After the victory of Dresden, I was superior, and had formed the project to deceive the enemy, by marching towards Magdeburgh, then to rcross the Elbe at Wittenberg, and march upon Berlin. Several divisions of the army were occupied in these manoeuvres, when a letter was brough to me from the King of Wirtemberg, announcing that the Bavarian army had joined the Austrians, and to the amount of eighty thousand men, were marching towards the Rhine, under the command of Wrede; that he, being compelled by the presence of that army, was obliged to join his contingent to it, and that Mentz would soon be invested by a hundred thousand men. === ''Memoirs of Napoleon'' (1829-1831) === [[File:Napoleonbonaparte coloured drawing.png|thumb|right|More glorious to merit a sceptre than to possess one.]] :<small>''[http://www.gutenberg.org/etext/3567 Memoirs of Napoleon]'' was published in 10 volumes (1829-1831) by [[W:Louis Antoine Fauvelet de Bourrienne|Louis Antoine Fauvelet de Bourrienne]] who from 1797 to 1802 had been a private secretary to Napoleon.</small> * Immortality is the best recollection one leaves. * Kiss the feet of Popes provided their hands are tied. * '''Malice delights to blacken the characters of prominent men.''' * '''More glorious to merit a sceptre than to possess one.''' * '''Those who are free from common prejudices acquire others.''' === ''The Consulate and The Empire'' (1834) === * Well, then, had I been at [[w:Martinique|Martinique]], I should also have been on the side of the English, because above all things it is necessary to save one's life. '''I am for the [[White people|whites]], because I am white; I have no other reason, yet that is reason good enough.''' How was it possible to grant liberty to the [[Black people|Africans]], to men without any kind of civilization, who did not even know what a [[colony]] meant, or that there was such a place as France? ** Si j'avais été à la Martinique, j'aurais été pour les Anglais, parce qu'avant tout il faut sauver sa vie. Je suis pour les blancs, parce que je suis blanc; je n'en ai pas d'autre raison, et celle-là est la bonne. Comment a-t-on pu donner la liberté à des Africains, à des hommes qui n'avaient aucune civilisation, qui ne savaient seulement pas ce que c'était que colonie, ce que c'était que la France? **"Le Consulat et L'Empire" by [[w:Antoine Claire Thibaudeau|A. C. Thibaudeau]], Volume 3, pg 323. Translated in "The Life of Napoleon Buonaparte" by William Hazlitt, pg 271. *They seek to destroy the Revolution by attacking my person: I will defend it for I am the Revolution, I myself! Henceforth they will look to it, for they will know ''of what we are capable''. **Pg 427. Thomas W. Redhead translation, Volume II. **On veut détruire la Révolution en s’attaquant à ma personne: je la défendrai, car je suis la Révolution, moi, moi … On y regardera à partir d’aujourd’hui, car on saura de quoi nous sommes capables. **Pg 608 in the French edition === ''Political Aphorisms, Moral and Philosophical Thoughts'' (1848) === :<small>[http://www.napoleonic-literature.com/Book_8/Book8.html ''Political Aphorisms, Moral and Philosophical Thoughts of Emperor Napoleon''] collected and published by Cte. A. G. de Liancourt; edited by James Alexander Manning; this work is also sometimes referred to as ''Maxims of Napoleon''</small> * When you have an enemy in your power, deprive him of the means of ever injuring you. ** p. 30 * '''He who fears being conquered is certain of defeat.''' ** p. 146 * '''The greater the man, the less is he opinionative, he depends upon events and circumstances.''' ** p. 146 * What is the [[government]]? [[nothing]], unless supported by [[opinion]]. ** p. 242 * A constitution should be framed so as not to impede the action of government, nor force the government to its violation. ** p. 246 * The people must not be counted upon; they cry indifferently : "Long live the King!" and "Long live the Conspirators!" a proper direction must be given to them, and proper instruments employed to effect it. ** p. 246 * Hereditary succession to the magistracy is absurd, as it tends to make a property of it; it is incompatible with the sovereignty of the people. ** p. 246 * Orders and decorations are necessary in order to dazzle the people. ** p. 248 * [[Power]] is founded upon opinion. ** p. 248 * Sometimes a great example is necessary to all the public functionaries of the state. ** p. 248 * A Government protected by foreigners will never be accepted by a free people. * '''A great people may be killed, but they cannot be intimidated.''' * A great reserve and severity of manners are necessary for the command of those who are older than ourselves. * A king is sometimes obliged to commit crimes; but they are the crimes of his position. * A King should sacrifice the best affections of his heart for the good of his country; no sacrifice should be above his determination. *'''Greatness is nothing unless it be lasting.''' * Many a one commits a reprehensible action, who is at bottom an honourable man, because man seldom acts upon natural impulse, but from some secret passion of the moment which lies hidden and concealed within the narrowest folds of his heart. * The life of a citizen is the property of his country. * You cannot treat with all the world at once. === ''With Napoleon in Russia: The Memoirs of General De Caulaincourt, Duke of Vicenza'' (1933) === *''If you make everything difficult, the really hard things seem less so.'' === ''Napoleon : In His Own Words'' (1916) === :<small>''[https://archive.org/details/napoleoninhisown00napo Napoleon : In His Own Words]'' (1916) edited by Jules Bertaut, as translated by Herbert Edward Law and Charles Lincoln Rhodes </small> [[File:1801 Antoine-Jean Gros - Bonaparte on the Bridge at Arcole.jpg|thumb|right|Destiny urges me to a goal of which I am ignorant. Until that goal is attained I am invulnerable, unassailable. When Destiny has accomplished her purpose in me, a fly may suffice to destroy me.]] ::'''Ch. I : On Success''' * '''There are only two forces that unite men — fear and interest.''' All great revolutions originate in fear, for the play of interests does not lead to accomplishment. * Audacity succeeds as often as it fails; in life it has an even chance. * '''The superior man is never in anyone's way.''' * Who saves his country violates no law. **''Celui qui sauve sa patrie ne viole aucune loi'' **Maximes et pensées de Napoléon recueillies par J.-L. Gaudy jeune (1838), [https://gallica.bnf.fr/ark:/12148/bpt6k6151840d/f46.image.r=Viole Pg 49] **"Gaudy"'s collection was actually compiled by Honoré de Balzac, who may have invented some of the maxims. Graham Robb: "Balzac" (1994), [https://archive.org/details/balzacbiography00robb/page/317/mode/1up pp 317-318]. * There are so many laws that no one is safe from hanging. * '''Success is the most convincing talker in the world.''' * As a rule it is circumstances that make men. * '''Impatience is a great obstacle to success; he who treats everything with brusqueness gathers nothing, or only immature fruit which will never ripen.''' * '''One must indeed be ignorant of the methods of genius to suppose that it allows itself to be cramped by forms.''' Forms are for mediocrity, and it is fortunate that mediocrity can act only according to routine. Ability takes its flight unhindered. * Never depend on the multitude, full of instability and whims; always take precautions against it. * From triumph to downfall is but a step. I have seen a trifle decide the most important issues in the gravest affairs. * '''It is only by prudence, wisdom, and dexterity, that great ends are attained and obstacles overcome. Without these qualities nothing succeeds.''' * '''The man fitted for affairs and authority never considers individuals, but things and their consequences.''' * A congress of the powers is deceit agreed on between diplomats — it is the pen of [[Machiavelli]] combined with the scimitar of [[Muhammad|Mahomet]]. * '''Destiny urges me to a goal of which I am ignorant. Until that goal is attained I am invulnerable, unassailable. When Destiny has accomplished her purpose in me, a fly may suffice to destroy me.''' * Necessity dominates inclination, will, and right. ::'''Ch. II : Psychology and Morals''' * Men have their virtues and their vices, their heroisms and their perversities; men are neither wholly good nor wholly bad, but possess and practice all that there is of good and bad here below. Such is the general rule. Temperament, education, the accidents of life, are modifying factors. Outside of this, everything is ordered arrangement, everything is chance. Such has been my rule of expectation and it has usually brought me success. * '''Whatever misanthropists may say, ingrates and the perverse are exceptions in the human species.''' * The great mass of society are far from being depraved; for if a large majority were criminal or inclined to break the laws, where would the force or power be to prevent or constrain them? And herein is the real blessing of civilization, because this happy result has its origin in her bosom, growing out of her very nature. * '''[[Imagination]] governs the world.''' * What are we? What is the future? What is the past? What magic fluid envelops us and hides from us the things it is most important for us to know? '''We are born, we live, and we die in the midst of the marvelous.''' * To do all that one is able to do, is to be a man; to do all that one would like to do, would be to be a god. * Man achieves in life only by commanding the capabilities nature has given him, or by creating them within himself by education and by knowing how to profit by the difficulties encountered. * It is a mistake, too, to say that the face is the mirror of the soul. '''The truth is, men are very hard to know, and yet, not to be deceived, we must judge them by their present actions, but for the present only.''' * One is more certain to influence men, to produce more effect on them, by absurdities than by sensible ideas. * It is not true that men never change; they change for the worse, as well as for the better. It is not true they are ungrateful; more often the benefactor rates his favors higher than their worth; and often too he does not allow for circumstances. If few men have the moral force to resist impulses, most men do carry within themselves the germs of virtues as well as of vices, of heroism as well as of cowardice. Such is human nature — education and circumstances do the rest. * '''Ordinarily men exercise their memory much more than their judgment.''' * '''There is nothing so imperious as feebleness which feels itself supported by force.''' * True character stands the test of emergencies. Do not be mistaken, it is weakness from which the awakening is rude. * How many seemingly impossible things have been accomplished by resolute men because they had to do, or die. * '''The fool has one great advantage over a man of sense — he is always satisfied with himself.''' * Simpletons talk of the past, wise men of the present, and fools of the future. * One must learn to forgive and not to hold a hostile, bitter attitude of mind, which offends those about us and prevents us from enjoying ourselves; one must recognize human shortcomings and adjust himself to them rather than to be constantly finding fault with them. * '''It is not necessary to prohibit or encourage oddities of conduct which are not harmful.''' * The best way to keep one's word is not to give it. ::'''Ch. III : Love and Marriage''' * In love the only safety is in flight. * I do not believe it is in our nature to love impartially. We deceive ourselves when we think we can love two beings, even our own children, equally. There is always a dominant affection. ::'''Ch. IV : Things Political''' * '''In politics nothing is immutable. Events carry within them an invincible power.''' The unwise destroy themselves in resistance. The skillful accept events, take strong hold of them and direct them. * It is only with prudence, sagacity, and much dexterity that great aims are accomplished, and all obstacles surmounted. Otherwise nothing is accomplished. * The great difficulty with politics is, that there are no established principles. * The truth is that one ought to serve his people worthily, and not strive solely to please them. The best way to gain a people is to do that which is best for them. Nothing is more dangerous than to flatter a people. If it does not get what it wants immediately, it is irritated and thinks that promises have not been kept; and if then it is resisted, it hates so much the more as it feels itself deceived. * '''Lead the ideas of your time and they will accompany and support you; fall behind them and they drag you along with them; oppose them and they will overwhelm you.''' * There is no such thing as an absolute despotism; it is only relative. A man cannot wholly free himself from obligation to his fellows. A sultan who cut off heads from caprice, would quickly lose his own in the same way. Excesses tend to check themselves by reason of their own violence. What the ocean gains in one place it loses in another. * We are made weak both by idleness and distrust of ourselves. Unfortunate, indeed, is he who suffers from both. If he is a mere individual he becomes nothing; if he is a king he is lost. * A prince should suspect everything. * '''In politics, an absurdity is not an impediment.''' * The most difficult art is not in the choice of men, but in giving to the men chosen the highest service of which they are capable. * Posterity alone rightly judges kings. Posterity alone has the right to accord or withhold honors. * [[Obedience]] to public authority ought not to be based either on [[ignorance]] or [[stupidity]]. * '''The laws of circumstance are abolished by new circumstances.''' * Some revolutions are inevitable. There are moral eruptions, just as the outbreak of volcanoes are physical eruptions. When the chemical combinations which produce them are complete, the volcanic eruptions burst forth, just as revolutions do when the moral factors are in the right state. In order to foresee them the trend of ideas must be understandingly observed. * '''One can lead a nation only by helping it see a bright outlook. A leader is a dealer in hope.''' * It is rare that a [[legislature]] reasons. It is too quickly impassioned. * '''Parties weaken themselves by their fear of capable men.''' * [[Democracy]] may become frenzied, but it has feelings and can be moved. As for [[aristocracy]], it is always cold and never forgives. * '''We frustrate many designs against us by pretending not to see them.''' * To listen to the interests of all, marks an ordinary government; to foresee them, marks a great government. * Peace ought to be the result of a system well considered, founded on the true interests of the different countries, honorable to each, and ought not to be either a capitulation or the result of a threat. ::''' Ch. V : Concerning the Fine Arts''' * A book in which there were no lies would be a curiosity. * All men of genius, and all those who have gained rank in the republic of letters, are brothers, whatever may be the land of their nativity. * It must be recognized that the real truths of history are hard to discover. Happily, for the most part, they are rather matters of curiosity than of real importance. * '''[[Dante]] has not deigned to take his inspiration from any other. He has wished to be himself, himself alone; in a word, to create.''' He has occupied a vast space, and has filled it with the superiority of a sublime mind. He is diverse, strong, and gracious. He has imagination, warmth, and enthusiasm. He makes his reader tremble, shed tears, feel the thrill of honor in a way that is the height of art. Severe and menacing, he has terrible imprecations for crime, scourgings for vice, sorrow for misfortune. As a citizen, affected by the laws of the republic, he thunders against its oppressors, but he is always ready to excuse his native city, Florence is ever to him his sweet, beloved country, dear to his heart. I am envious for my dear France, that she has never produced a rival to Dante; that this Colossus has not had his equal among us. No, there is no reputation which can be compared to his. * The [[division of labor]], which has brought such perfection in mechanical industries, is altogether fatal when applied to productions of the mind. All work of the mind is superior in proportion as the mind that produces it is universal. ::'''Ch. VI : Administration''' * Laws which are consistent in theory often prove chaotic in practice. * In practical administration, experience is everything. :: '''Ch. VII : Concerning Religion''' * Aristocracy is the spirit of the [[Old Testament]], [[democracy]] of the [[New Testament|New]]. * The [[existence of God]] is attested by everything that appeals to our imagination. And if our eye cannot reach Him it is because He has not permitted our [[intelligence]] to go so far. * [[Jesus]] Christ was the greatest [[Republicanism|republican]]. * Charity and alms are recommended in every chapter of the ''[[Qur'an|Koran]]'' as being the most acceptable services, both to [[Allah|God]] and the Prophet. * The religious zeal which animates priests, leads them to undertake labors and to brave perils which would be far beyond the powers of one in secular employment. * '''Conscience is the most sacred thing among men.''' Every man has within him a still small voice, which tells him that nothing on earth can oblige him to believe that which he does not believe. The worst of all tyrannies is that which obliges eighteen-twentieths of a nation to embrace a religion contrary to their beliefs, under penalty of being denied their rights as citizens and of owning property, which, in effect, is the same thing as being without a country. * [[Fanaticism]] must be put to sleep before it can be eradicated. * Policemen and prisons ought never to be the means used to bring men back to the practice of religion. * You cannot drag a man's [[conscience]] before any tribunal, and no one is answerable for his religious opinions to any power on earth. * The populace judges of the power of God by the power of the [[Priest|priests]]. * Man loves the marvelous. It has an irresistible charm for him. He is always ready to leave that with which he is familiar to pursue vain inventions. He lends himself to his own deception. * '''Our credulity is a part of the imperfection of our natures. It is inherent in us to desire to generalize, when we ought, on the contrary, to guard ourselves very carefully from this tendency.''' :: '''Ch. VII : On War''' * '''A general must be a charlatan.''' * Unhappy the general who comes on the field of battle with a system. * '''It is often in the audacity, in the steadfastness, of the general that the safety and the conservation of his men is found.''' * The military principles of [[Julius Caesar|Caesar]] were those of [[Hannibal]], and those of Hannibal were those of [[Alexander the Great|Alexander]] — to hold his forces in hand, not to be vulnerable at any point, to throw all his forces with rapidity on any given point. * '''An army which cannot be reenforced is already defeated. ''' * A commander in chief ought to say to himself several times a day: If the enemy should appear on my front, on my right, on my left, what would I do? And if the question finds him uncertain, he is not well placed, he is not as he should be, and he should remedy it. * The moment of greatest peril is the moment of victory. * '''At the beginning of a campaign it is important to consider whether or not to move forward; but when one has taken the offensive it is necessary to maintain it to the last extremity.''' However skilfully effected a retreat may be, it always lessens the morale of an army, since in losing the chances of success, they are remitted to the enemy. A retreat, moreover, costs much more in men and materials than the bloodiest engagements, with this difference, also, that in a battle the enemy loses practically as much as you do; while in a retreat you lose and he does not. * Changing from the defensive to the offensive, is one of the most delicate operations in war. * An army ought to be ready every moment to offer all the resistance of which it is capable. * Never march by flank in front of an army in position. This principle is absolute. * '''In a battle, as in a siege, the art consists in concentrating very heavy fire on a particular point.''' The line of battle once established, the one who has the ability to concentrate an unlooked for mass of artillery suddenly and unexpectedly on one of these points is sure to carry the day. * '''There is a joy in danger.''' * War is a serious game in which a man risks his reputation, his troops, and his country. A sensible man will search himself to know whether or not he is fitted for the trade. * '''There is only one favorable moment in war; talent consists in knowing how to seize it.''' * He who cannot look over a battlefield with a dry eye, causes the death of many men uselessly. * In war, theory is all right so far as general principles are concerned; but in reducing general principles to practice there will always be danger. Theory and practice are the axis about which the sphere of accomplishment revolves. * '''The secret of great battles consists in knowing how to deploy and concentrate at the right time.''' * The art of war consists in being always able, even with an inferior army, to have stronger forces than the enemy at the point of attack or the point which is attacked. * The praises of enemies are always to be suspected. A man of honor will not permit himself to be flattered by them, except when they are given after the cessation of hostilities. * '''The most desirable quality in a soldier is constancy in the support of fatigue; valor is only secondary.''' * Policy and morals concur in repressing pillage. * Gentleness, good treatment, honor the victor and dishonor the vanquished, who should remain aloof and owe nothing to pity — In war, audacity is the finest calculation of genius. * In civil war it is not given to every man to know how to conduct himself. There is something more than military prudence necessary; there is need of sagacity and the knowledge of men. * '''Nothing is so contrary to military rules as to make the strength of your army known, either in the orders of the day, in proclamations, or in the newspapers.''' * War is a lottery in which nations ought to risk nothing but small amounts. * [[w:Achilles|Achilles]] was the son of a goddess and of a mortal; in that, he is the image of the genius of war. The divine part is all that that is derived from moral considerations of character, talent, the interest of your adversary, of opinion, of the temper of the soldier, which is strong and victorious, or feeble and beaten, according as he believes this divine part to be. The mortal part is the arms, the fortifications, the order of battle — everything which arises out of material things. * '''Courage cannot be counterfeited. It is one virtue that escapes hypocrisy.''' * In war one must lean on an obstacle in order to overcome it. * In war, character and opinion make more than half of the reality. * That dependable courage, which in spite of the most sudden circumstances, nevertheless allows freedom of mind, of judgment and of decision, is exceedingly rare. * '''[[War]] is becoming an anachronism'''; if we have battled in every part of the continent it was because two opposing social orders were facing each other, the one which dates from 1789, and the old regime. They could not exist together; the younger devoured the other. I know very well, that, in the final reckoning, it was war that overthrew me, me the representative of the [[French Revolution]], and the instrument of its principles. But no matter! The battle was lost for civilization, and civilization will inevitably take its revenge. There are two systems, the past and the future. The present is only a painful transition. Which must triumph? The future, will it not? Yes indeed, the future! That is, intelligence, industry, and peace. The past was brute force, privilege, and ignorance. Each of our victories was a triumph for the ideas of the Revolution. '''Victories will be won, one of these days, without cannon, and without bayonets.''' * '''It is not that addresses at the opening of a battle make the soldiers brave. The old veterans scarcely hear them, and recruits forget them at the first boom of the cannon.''' Their usefulness lies in their effect on the course of the campaign, in neutralizing rumors and false reports, in maintaining a good spirit in the camp, and in furnishing matter for camp-fire talk. The printed order of the day should fulfill these different ends. * What are the conditions that make for the superiority of an army? Its internal organization, military habits in officers and men, the confidence of each in themselves; that is to say, bravery, patience, and all that is contained in the idea of moral means. * '''The issue of a battle is the result of an instant, of a thought.''' There is the advance, with its various combinations, the battle is joined, the struggle goes on a certain time, the decisive moment presents itself, a spark of genius discloses it, and the smallest body of reserves accomplish victory. * '''In war, groping tactics, half-way measures, lose everything.''' * '''A man who has no consideration for the needs of his men ought never to be given command.''' * To plan to reserve cavalry for the finish of the battle, is to have no conception of the power of combined infantry and cavalry charges, either for attack or for defense. * The general of the sea has need of only one science, that of navigation. The one on land has need of all, or of a talent which is the equivalent of all, that will enable him to profit by all experience, and all knowledge. A general of the sea has nothing to divine. He knows where his enemy is, he knows his strength. A general on land never knows anything with certainty, never sees his enemy well, and never knows positively where he is. * '''In order not to be astonished at obtaining victories, one ought not to think only of defeats.''' * In war, luck is half in everything. *'''If I had not been defeated in Acre against Jezzar Pasha of Turk. I would conquer all of the East''' * '''My most splendid campaign was that of March 20; not a single shot was fired.''' ::'''Ch. IX : Sociology''' * In France, only the impossible is admired. * The sentiment of national honor is never more than half extinguished in the French. It takes only a spark to re-kindle it. * France will always be a great nation. * '''[[Turks]] can be killed, but they can never be conquered.''' * [[Europe]] is a molehill. It has never had any great [[Empire|empires]], like those of the [[Asia|Orient]], numbering six hundred million souls. * Europe has its history, often tragic, though at intervals consoling. But to speak of any universally recognized national rights or that these rights have played any part in its history, is to play with the powers of public credulity. Always the first duty of a state has been its safety; the pledge of its safety, its power; and the limits of its power, that intelligence of which each has been made the depository. When the great powers have proclaimed any other principle, it has been only for their own purposes, and the smaller powers have never received any benefit from it. ==Attributed== [[File:Napoleon_Las_Casas.jpg|thumb|It is [[hunger]] that makes the [[world]] move.]] [[File:Napoleon sainthelene.jpg|250px|thumb|right|[[Morality]] has nothing to do with such a man as I am.]] [[File:Minard.png|thumb|350px|A good sketch is better than a long speech. (A picture is worth a thousand words.)]] * Surely in a matter of this kind we should endeavor to do something, that we may say that we have not lived in vain, that we may leave some impress of ourselves on the [[Sands of time (idiom)|sands of time]]. ** From an alleged Letter of to his Minister of the Interior on the Poor Laws. Pub. in The Press, Feb. 1, 1868. * ''' You must not fear death, my lads; defy him, and you drive him into the enemy's ranks.''' ** As quoted in ''Dictionary of Quotations from Ancient and Modern English and Foreign Sources'' (1899) by Rev. James Wood, p. 567 * '''Morality has nothing to do with such a man as I am.''' ** As quoted in ''The Story of World Progress'' (1922) by Willis Mason West, p. 433 * Waterloo will wipe out the memory of my forty victories; but that which nothing can wipe out is my [[w:Napoleonic code|Civil Code]]. That will live forever. ** As quoted in ''The Story of World Progress'' (1922) by Willis Mason West, p. 437 * If I were an Englishman, I should esteem the man who advised a war with [[China]] to be the greatest living enemy of my country. You would be beaten in the end, and perhaps a revolution in India would follow. ** Reported as being from an 1817 conversation in ''The Mind of Napoleon'', ed. and trans. J. Christopher Herold (1955), p. 249. Reported as unverified in ''Respectfully Quoted: A Dictionary of Quotations'' (1989). * ''Un bon croquis vaut mieux qu'un long discours.'' ** '''A good sketch is better than a long speech.''' *** Quoted in ''L'Arche de Noé'' (1968) by Marie-Madeleine Fourcade, p. 48; this has sometimes also been translated as "'''[[w:A picture is worth a thousand words|A picture is worth a thousand words]]'''", though it is not known to be the origin of that English expression. * I saw myself founding a religion, marching into Asia riding an elephant, a turban on my head and in my hand the new [[Qur'an|Koran]] that I would have composed to suit my needs. ** As quoted in ''The British in Egypt‎'' (1971) by Peter Mansfield, p. 1 * '''Ability is nothing without opportunity.''' ** As quoted in ''Have You Ever Noticed? : The Wit and Irony of Every Day Life'' (1985) by Joe Moore * The hand that gives is above the hand that takes. (''La main qui donne est au-dessus de celle qui reçoit.'') ** Italian saying, quoted by Bonaparte during the [[w:Italian_campaigns_of_the_French_Revolutionary_Wars#First_Coalition_.281792-1797.29|first Italian campaign]] to highlight the financial dependence of the ''[[w:French Directory|Directoire]]'' on the plunder from the Army of Italy, according to Lucian S. Regenbogen, ''Napoléon a dit : aphorismes, citations et opinions'', p. 82. * Money has no motherland; financiers are without patriotism and without decency; their sole object is gain. ** Attributed in ''Monarchy or Money Power'' (1933), by R. McNair Wilson. No primary source for this is known. * '''Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.''' ** As quoted in ''The Military Quotation Book'' (2002) by James Charlton, p. 93 * '''I am the instrument of providence, she will use me as long as I accomplish her designs, then she will break me like a glass.''' ** As quoted in ''The Linguist and the Emperor : Napoleon and Champollion's Quest to Decipher the Rosetta Stone'' (2004) by Daniel Meyerson * If I had succeeded, I would have been the greatest man known to history. ** As quoted in ''The Tyrants : 2500 Years of Absolute Power and Corruption'' (2006) by Clive Foss <small> {{ISBN|1905204965}}</small> * You call these baubles, well, it is with baubles that men are led... Do you think that you would be able to make men fight by reasoning? Never. That is only good for the scholar in his study. The soldier needs glory, distinctions, and rewards. ** On awards, as quoted in ''Mémoires sur le Consulat. 1799 à 1804'' (1827) by Antoine-Claire, Comte Thibaudeau. Chez Ponthieu, pp. 83–84. Original: "''On appelle cela des ''hochets''; eh bien! c'est avec des hochets que l'on mène les hommes... Croyez-vous que vous feríez battre des hommes par l'analyse? Jamais. Elle n'est bonne que pour le savant dans son cabinet. Il faut au soldat de la gloire, des distinctions, des récomponses.''" * The future destiny of the child is always the work of his mother. Let France have good mothers, and she will have good sons. ** As quoted in ''Mama Was My Teacher: Growing Up In A Small Southern Town'' (2004) by Dozier Cade, p. 77 * Leave the Artillerymen alone, they are an obstinate lot. ** As quoted in ''The Dictionary of Military and Naval Quotations'' (1966) by Robert Heinl, Jr. * Tristan is very idle. He confessed to the Emperor that he did not [[work]] every [[day]]. "Do you not eat every day?" said the Emperor to him; "Yes, Sire." "Well, then, you ought to work every day; no one should eat who does not work." "Oh! if that be the case, I will work every day," said the child, quickly. "Such is the influence of the [[w:Belly|belly]]," said the Emperor, tapping that of little Tristan. "It is [[hunger]] that makes the [[world]] move." ** As attributed in [[w:Emmanuel, comte de Las Cases|Count Emmanuel de Las Cases]], "Journal of the Private Life and Conversations of the Emperor Napoleon at Saint Helena", 1824. * There is no [[w:Subordination|subordination]] with empty [[w:Stomach|stomachs]]. ** As attributed in [[w:Emmanuel, comte de Las Cases|Count Emmanuel de Las Cases]], "Journal of the Private Life and Conversations of the Emperor Napoleon at Saint Helena", 1824. * Well then, I will tell you. [[Alexander the Great|Alexander]], [[Julius Caesar|Caesar]], [[Charlemagne]] and I myself have founded great empires; but upon what did these creations of our genius depend? Upon force. Jesus alone founded His empire upon love, and to this very day millions will die for Him. I think I understand something of human nature; and I tell you, all these were men, and I am a man: none else is like Him; Jesus Christ was more than a man. I have inspired multitudes with such an enthusiastic devotion that they would have died for me but to do this it was necessary that I should be visibly present with the electric influence of my looks, my words, of my voice. When I saw men and spoke to them, I lighted up the flame of self-devotion in their hearts. Christ alone has succeeded in so raising the mind of man toward the unseen, that it becomes insensible to the barriers of time and space. Across a chasm of eighteen hundred years, Jesus Christ makes a demand which is beyond all others difficult to satisfy; He asks for that which a [[Philosophy|philosopher]] may often seek in vain at the hands of his friends, or a father of his children, or a bride of her spouse, or a man of his brother. He asks for the human heart; He will have it entirely to Himself. He demands it unconditionally; and forthwith His demand is granted. Wonderful! In defiance of time and space, the soul of man, with all its powers and faculties, becomes an annexation to the [[Christendom|empire of Christ]]. All who sincerely believe in Him, experience that remarkable, supernatural love toward Him. This phenomenon is unaccountable; it is altogether beyond the scope of man's creative powers. Time, the great destroyer, is powerless to extinguish this sacred flame; time can neither exhaust its strength nor put a limit to its range. This is it, which strikes me most; I have often thought of it. This it is which proves to me quite convincingly the Divinity of Jesus Christ. ** In a statement about Jesus Christ. While exiled on the rock of St. Helena, Napoleon called Count Montholon to his side and asked him, "Can you tell me who Jesus Christ was?" Upon the Count declining to respond Napoleon countered. Ravi Zacharias, [http://books.google.com/books?id=jSI9HnMHdPsC&pg=PA149&lpg=PA149&dq=napoleon+jesus+among+gods&source=bl&ots=CdsDSjamnm&sig=K3l7Ek972r7pyEFT681lbf3PVSQ&hl=en&sa=X&ei=nBqhUf3RL4au9AS37ICwCQ&ved=0CBYQ6AEwAA ''Jesus Among Other Gods''], p. 149, in [[Henry Parry Liddon]] (1868) The Divinity of Our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ; Eight Lectures. New edition.[https://books.google.com/books?id=IcINAAAAYAAJ&pg=PA148&dq#v=onepage&q&f=false] pp. 147-148, and in [[Henry Parry Liddon]] (1869) The Divinity of Our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ; Eight Lectures. Fourth edition. [https://ia800203.us.archive.org/15/items/divinityofourlord00libbrich/divinityofourlord00libbrich.pdf] pp. 147-148. * ‘Do you know,’ Napoleon once said to Fontanes, ‘what fills me most with wonder? The powerlessness of force to establish anything. There are only two powers in the world: the sword and the mind. In the end, the sword is always conquered by the mind.’ ** [[Albert Camus]], ''Lyrical and Critical'' (London: Hamish Hamilton, 1967), essays selected and translated from the French by Philip Thody, p. 104 [https://archive.org/details/lyricalcritical0000camu/page/104/mode/2up?view=theater] {{Misattributed begin}} == Misattributed == * Able was I ere I saw Elba. :* Credited to "J.T.R." of Baltimore, 1848<ref>The Golden Rule and Gazette Of The Union, Saturday July 8 1848, page 30, article titled "Ingenious arrangement of words"; https://www.google.co.uk/books/edition/The_Golden_Rule_and_Odd_fellows_Family_C/hEg2AQAAMAAJ?hl=en&gbpv=1&dq=able%20was%20i%20ere%20i%20saw%20elba </ref> :* Of such attributions to Napoleon, there is little credence, as stated by William Irvine in ''Madam I'm Adam and Other Palindromes'' (1987): "The well-known ABLE WAS I, ERE I SAW ELBA, for example, is conveniently attributed to Napoleon, whose knowledge of English wordplay was certainly questionable, at best." There is no mention of such a palindrome in O'Meara's own work, ''Napoleon in Exile : or, A Voice from St. Helena'' (1822). * An army of sheep, led by a lion, is better than an army of lions, led by a sheep. ** Attributed to Napoleon in ''Napoleon'' (1941) by [[w:Yevgeny Tarle|Yevgeny Tarle]], this is a variant of an ancient proverb often attributed to many military and political figures, including [[Alexander the Great]], and the even earlier figure [[w:Chabrias|Chabrias (Χαβρίας)]]. * Give them a whiff of [[w:Grapeshot|grapeshot]]. ** This is often quoted as a command Napoleon issued when dispersing mobs marching on the National Assembly in Paris (5 October 1795), or it is occasionally stated that he boasted "I gave them a whiff of grapeshot" sometime afterwards, but the first known use of the term "whiff of grapeshot" is actually by [[Thomas Carlyle]] in his work ''The French Revolution'' (1837), describing the use of cannon salvo [''salve de canons''] against crowds, and not even the use of them by Napoleon. * A constitution should be short and obscure. ** Quoted in ''The Life of Napoleon I'' by John Holland Rose as an exchange between [[w:Pierre Louis Roederer|Roederer]] and [[w:Talleyrand|Talleyrand]] *** Roederer tells us ("Œuvres," vol. iii., p. 428) that he had drawn up two plans of a constitution for the Cisalpine; the one very short and leaving much to the President, the other precise and detailed. He told Talleyrand to advise Bonaparte to adopt the former as it was "''short and''" — he was about to add "''clear''" when the diplomatist cut him short with the words, "''Yes: short and obscure!''" * Never ascribe to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity. ** Often known as [[w:Hanlon's razor|Hanlon's razor]], this was attributed to Napoleon without source in ''Message Passing Server Internals'' (2003) by Bill Blunden, p. 15, <small> {{ISBN|0071416382}} </small> * Religious wars are basically people killing each other over who has the better imaginary friend. ** There is no known basis to attribute this saying to Napoleon. It is found (unattributed) in a [https://groups.google.com/forum/message/raw?msg=soc.penpals/QIUrpkacWyE/FbCj7pij5WwJ Usenet post from July 1999]. {{Misattributed end}} == Quotes about Napoleon == [[File:François Gérard - Napoleon I 001.JPG|thumb|right|[[George Washington|Washington]] and Bonaparte emerged from the womb of democracy: both of them born to liberty, the former remained faithful to her, the latter betrayed her. ~ [[François-René de Chateaubriand]] ]] [[File:Napoleon friedland.jpg|thumb|right|I used to say of him that his presence on the field made the difference of forty thousand men. ~ [[Arthur Wellesley, 1st Duke of Wellington]] ]] [[File:Generale Bonaparte in Italia.jpg|thumb|right|Napoleon, far more Italian than French, Italian by race, by instinct, imagination, and souvenir, considers in his plan the future of Italy, and, on casting up the final accounts of his reign, we find that the net profit is for Italy and the net loss is for France. ~[[Hippolyte Taine]]]] :<small>Arranged alphabetically by author</small> *His views on politics and society, owing much to [[Jean-Jacques Rousseau|Rousseau]]'s ''[[The Social Contract|Du Contrat Social]]'', display Buonaparte the egotist and Buonaparte the mathematician-engineer in uneasy collaboration. For society is conceived as of one great machine, constructed according to correct calculations which in turn are based on the right data. There is little sense of free association between individuals or groups, little sense of any natural community larger than the Corsican-style family or clan; no sense of organic social growth. Instead there are the competing egotisms of individuals, bridled or organized by the higher egotism of the State, whose will impels and directs the whole national apparatus. Buonaparte's ideal State enjoyed this untrammelled power because it was the organ of the people's will. Naïvely he believed that only hereditary monarchies could be tyrants. He scorned the ''[[w:Ancien régime|ancien régime]]'' in France, with its agglomeration of different societies, partly regional, partly aristocratic, guild or religious; this is what constitutes the "privilege" which he and other progressives wished to sweep away. Buonaparte's chief complaint against the [[Catholic Church]], for instance, lay in the very fact that it was independent of the State... Buonaparte's political ideas thus point straight towards the tyranny of the [[w:French Consulate|Consulate]] and the [[w:First French Empire|Empire]]; indeed towards every modern tyranny where the State bosses the entire life of the people in the people's name. **[[Correlli Barnett]], ''Bonaparte'' (1978), pp. 23-24 *Bonaparte busied himself with extinguishing what yet remained of the [[freedom of expression]] won during the [[French Revolution|Revolution]] and with crushing what yet remained of organized opposition, whether royalist, [[w:Jacobin (politics)|Jacobin]] or merely intellectual. On 17 January 1800 he shut down sixty out of seventy-three existing newspapers; by the end of 1800 only nine remained, and those under strict [[censorship]]. The theatre was censored from April 1800. With his excessive sensitivity to personal criticism and ridicule, Bonaparte took a direct interest in this censorship... In July 1803 he ordered that bookshops be prohibited from placing new works on sale until seven days after a copy had been submitted to the censor "so that, as soon as there is an undesirable work, it can be stopped."<br>The systematic opening of private correspondence, the ubiquitous police spy, and [[w:Internment|imprisonment without trial]] completed Bonaparte's practical interpretation of the "sacred right" of liberty guaranteed by the Constitution. **[[Correlli Barnett]], ''Bonaparte'' (1978), pp. 84-85 *That contempt of humanity, that misprision of the opinion of others, that Caesarean pride, that insensitive heart and that profound moral indifference, these characteristics which distinguished Napoleon were not those of a Frenchman. **[[w:fr:Jules Barni|Jules Barni]], ''Napoléon premier et son historien M. Thiers'' (1869), quoted in Pieter Geyl, ''Napoleon For and Against'' (1949), p. 76 * In France Napoleon tamed the revolution and put it into the imperial straitjacket (and, in so doing, perhaps did more than the revolution itself to make a Bourbon restoration permanently impossible); beyond the borders of France he was the missionary and disseminator of the ideas of the revolution. Hence, as the Napoleonic legend grew through the succeeding century, the literary champions of Napoleon in France tended to be men of the Right, whereas outside France it was generally the [[Left-wing politics|Left]] which made him its idol-a perfectly natural phenomenon which Mr. Taylor needlessly attributes to the perversity of the English Left. This ambiguous role is the common destiny of heirs of revolutions, whose business it is to consolidate and stabilize the achievements of the revolution at home and capitalize them abroad. ** [[E. H. Carr]], "From Napoleon to Stalin" (1950) *One asks oneself by what sleight of hand Bonaparte, who was so much the aristocrat, who hated the people so cordially, has been able to obtain the popularity which he enjoys. For there is no gainsaying the fact that this subjugator has remained popular with a nation which once made it a point of honour to raise altars to independence and equality. Here is the solution.<br>It is a matter of daily observation that the Frenchman's instinct is to strive after power; he cares not for liberty; equality is his idol. Now there is a hidden connection between equality and despotism. In both these respects Napoleon had a pull over the hearts of the French, who have a military liking for power and are democratically fond of seeing everything levelled. When he mounted the throne, he took the people with him. A proletarian king, he humiliated kings and noblemen in his anterooms. He levelled the ranks, not down but up. To have dragged them down to plebeian depths would have flattered the envy of the lowest; the higher level was more pleasing to their pride. French vanity, too, enjoyed the superiority which Bonaparte gave us over the rest of Europe. Another cause of Napoleon's popularity is the affliction of his latter days. After his death, as his sufferings on St. Helena became better known, people's hearts began to soften; his tyranny was forgotten; it was remembered how, having vanquished our enemies and subsequently having brought them into France, he defended our soil against them; we fancy that if he were alive today he would save us from the ignominy in which we are living. His misfortunes have revived his name among us, his glory has fed on his wretchedness.<br>The miracles wrought by his arms have bewitched our youth, and have taught us to worship brute force. The most insolent ambition is spurred on by his unique career to aspire to the heights which he attained. **[[François-René de Chateaubriand]], ''[[w:Mémoires d'Outre-Tombe|Mémoires d'Outre-Tombe: Tome Quatrième]]'' (1849), p. 57, quoted in Pieter Geyl, ''Napoleon For and Against'' (1949), pp. 28-29 * '''Bonaparte robs a nation of its independence: deposed as emperor, he is sent into exile, where the world's anxiety still does not think him safely enough imprisoned, guarded by the [[Atlantic Ocean|Ocean]].''' He dies: the news proclaimed on the door of the palace in front of which the conqueror had announced so many funerals, neither detains nor astonishes the passer-by: what have the [[Citizenship|citizens]] to mourn? <br> [[George Washington|Washington]]'s [[United States|Republic]] lives on; Bonaparte's empire is destroyed. '''Washington and Bonaparte emerged from the womb of democracy: both of them born to liberty, the former remained faithful to her, the latter betrayed her.''' ** [[François-René de Chateaubriand]], in ''[[w:Mémoires d'Outre-Tombe|Mémoires d'outre-tombe]]'' (1848 – 1850), Book VI, Ch. 8 : Comparison of Washington and Bonaparte * The Emperor is mad, completely mad, and will destroy us all; this will all end in some horrible crash. **[[w:Denis Decrès|Denis Decrès]], quoted in Theodore Ayrault Dodge, ''Napoleon: A History of the Art of War, from the Beginning of the Peninsular War to the End of the Russian Campaign, with a Detailed Account of the Napoleonic Wars, Volume III'' (1907), p. 427 * Sire, sleep in peace; from the tomb itself you labor continually for France. At every danger to the country, our flags quiver at the passage of the [[Eagles|Eagle]]. If our legions have returned victorious through the triumphal arch which you built, it is because the sword of Austerlitz marked out their direction, showing how to unite and lead the army that, won the victory. Your masterly lessons, your determined labors, remain indefeasible examples. In studying them and meditating on them the art of war grows daily greater. It is only in the reverently and thoughtfully gathered rays of your immortal glory that generations of the distant future shall succeed in grasping the science of combat and the management of armies for the sacred cause of the defense of the country. ** [[Ferdinand Foch]], Elegy at the Tomb of Napoleon, as quoted in ''The World's Greatest Speeches'' (1999), p. 209 * I never admired the character of the first Napoleon; but I recognize his great genius. His work, too, has left its impress for good on the face of Europe. The third Napoleon could have no claim to having done a good or just act. ** [[Ulysses S. Grant]], [https://www.gutenberg.org/files/4367/4367-h/4367-h.htm ''Personal Memoirs of U. S. Grant''] (1885), emphasis added * '''I don't know why, but the little bastard scares me.''' ** [http://www.laura-harrington.com/index4.html Laura Harrington], in ''[https://pilgrimtheatre.org/ slot gacor]'', portraying a comment by one of his generals when he showed up to command the army of Italy. * For the Napoleonic myth is based less on Napoleon’s merits than on the facts, then unique, of his career. The great known world-shakers of the past had begun as kings like Alexander or patricians like Julius Caesar; but Napoleon was the ‘little corporal’ who rose to rule a continent by sheer personal talent. (This was not strictly true, but his rise was sufficiently meteoric and high to make the description reasonable.) Every young intellectual who devoured books, as the young Bonaparte had done, wrote bad poems and novels, and adored Rousseau could henceforth see the sky as his limit, laurels surrounding his monogram. Every businessman henceforth had a name for his ambition: to be—the clichés themselves say so—a ‘Napoleon of finance’ or industry. All common men were thrilled by the sight, then unique, of a common man who became greater than those born to wear crowns. Napoleon gave ambition a personal name at the moment when the double revolution had opened the world to men of ambition. Yet he was more. He was the civilized man of the eighteenth century, rationalist, inquisitive, enlightened, but with sufficient of the disciple of Rousseau about him to be also the romantic man of the nineteenth. He was the man of the Revolution, and the man who brought stability. In a word, he was the figure every man who broke with tradition could identify himself with in his dreams.<br>For the French he was also something much simpler: the most successful ruler in their long history. He triumphed gloriously abroad; but at home he also established or re-established the apparatus of French institutions as they exist to this day. Admittedly most—perhaps all—his ideas were anticipated by Revolution and Directory; his personal contribution was to make them rather more [[Conservatism|conservative]], hierarchical and authoritarian. But his predecessors anticipated: he carried out. The great lucid monuments of French law, the Codes which became models for the entire non-[[Anglo-Saxons|Anglo-Saxon]] [[Bourgeoisie|bourgeois]] world, were Napoleonic. The [[hierarchy]] of officials, from the prefects down, of courts, of [[Universities|university]] and schools, was his. The great ‘careers’ of French public life, army, civil service, education, law still have their Napoleonic shapes. He brought stability and prosperity to all except the quarter-of-a-million Frenchmen who did not return from his wars; and even to their relatives he brought glory. No doubt the [[United Kingdom|British]] saw themselves fighting for [[liberty]] against [[tyranny]]; but in 1815 most [[Englishmen]] were probably poorer and worse off than they had been in 1800, while most Frenchmen were almost certainly better off; nor had any except the still negligible [[Wage slavery|wage-labourers]] lost the substantial economic benefits of the Revolution. There is little mystery about the persistence of Bonapartism as an ideology of non-political Frenchmen, especially the richer peasantry, after his fall. It took a second and smaller Napoleon to dissipate it between 1851 and 1870.<br>He had destroyed only one thing: the Jacobin Revolution, the dream of equality, liberty and fraternity, and of the people rising in its majesty to shake off oppression. It was a more powerful myth than his, for after his fall it was this, and not his memory, which inspired the revolutions of the nineteenth century, even in his own country. ** [[Eric Hobsbawm]], ''The Age of Revolution'' (1962), Chap. 3 : The French Revolution * He found his best satisfaction not in pleasure but in toil. He could live with little food, little sleep - and very little dalliance. The one thing he could ''not'' dispense with was work, and work in prodigious quantities. ** Tighe Hopkins in ''The Women Napoleon Loved'' *A little while ago, I stood by the grave of the old Napoleon, a magnificent tomb, and I gazed upon the sarcophagus of rare and nameless marble, where rest at last the ashes of that restless man. I leaned over the balustrade and thought about the career of the greatest soldier of the modern world. I saw him walking upon the banks of the Seine, contemplating suicide. I saw him at Toulon—I saw him putting down the mob in the streets of Paris—I saw him at the head of the army of Italy—I saw him crossing the bridge of Lodi with the tri-color in his hand—I saw him in Egypt in the shadows of the pyramids—I saw him conquer the Alps and mingle the eagles of France with the eagles of the crags. I saw him at Marengo—at Ulm and Austerlitz. I saw him in Russia, where the infantry of the snow and the cavalry of the wild blast scattered his legions like winter's withered leaves. I saw him at Leipsic in defeat and disaster—driven by a million bayonets back upon Paris—clutched like a wild beast—banished to Elba. I saw him escape and retake an empire by the force of his genius. I saw him upon the frightful field of Waterloo, where [[Chance]] and [[Fate]] combined to wreck the fortunes of their former king. And I saw him at St. Helena, with his hands crossed behind him, gazing out upon the sad and solemn sea. I thought of the orphans and widows he had made—of the tears that had been shed for his glory, and of the only woman who ever loved him, pushed from his heart by the cold hand of ambition. And I said I would rather have been a French peasant and worn wooden shoes. I would rather have lived in a hut with a vine growing over the door, and the grapes growing purple in the kisses of the autumn sun. I would rather have been that poor peasant with my loving wife by my side, knitting as the day died out of the sky—with my children upon my knees and their arms about me—I would rather have been that man and gone down to the tongueless silence of the dreamless dust, than to have been that imperial impersonation of force and murder, known as 'Napoleon the Great'. **[[Robert G. Ingersoll]], The Liberty of Man, Woman and Child * The genius continually discovers fate, and the more profound the genius, the more profound the discovery of fate. To spiritlessness, this is naturally foolishness, but in actuality it is greatness, because no man is born with the idea of providence, and those who think that one acquires it gradually though education are greatly mistaken, although I do not thereby deny the significance of education. Not until sin is reached is providence posited. Therefore the genius has an enormous struggle to reach providence. If he does not reach it, truly he becomes a subject for the study of fate. The genius is an omnipotent ''Ansich'' [in itself] which as such would rock the whole world. For the sake of order, another figure appears along with him, namely fate. [[w:Fate|Fate]] is [[w:Nothing|nothing]]. It is the genius himself who discovers it, and the more profound the genius, the more profoundly he discovers fate, because that figure is merely the anticipation of providence. If he continues to be merely a genius and turns outward, he will accomplish astonishing things; nevertheless, he will always succumb to fate, if not outwardly, so that it is tangible and visible to all, then inwardly. Therefore, a genius-existence is always like a fairy tale if in the deepest sense the genius does not turn inward into himself. The genius is able to do all things, and yet he is dependent upon an insignificance that no one comprehends, an insignificance upon which the genius himself by his omnipotence bestows omnipotent significance. Therefore, a [[w:Napoleon I|second lieutenant]], if he is a genius, is able to become an emperor and change the world, so that there becomes one empire and one emperor. But therefore, too, the army may be drawn up for battle, the conditions for the battle absolutely favorable, and yet in the next moment wasted; a kingdom of heroes may plead that the order for battle be given-but he cannot; he must wait for the fourteenth of June. And why? Because that was the date of the [[w:Battle of Marengo|battle of Marengo]]. So all things may be in readiness, he himself stands before the legions, waiting only for the sun to rise in order to announce the time for the oration that will electrify the soldiers, and the sun may rise more glorious than ever, an inspiring and inflaming sight for all, only not for him, because the sun did not rise as glorious as this at [[w:Battle of Austerlitz|Austerlitz]], and only the sun of Austerlitz gives victory and inspiration. Thus, the inexplicable passion with which such a one may often rage against an entirely insignificant man, when otherwise he may show humanity and kindness even toward his enemies. Yes, woe unto the man, woe unto the woman, woe unto the innocent child, woe unto the beast of the field, woe unto the bird whose flight, woe unto the tree whose branch comes in his way at the moment he is to interpret his omen. ** [[Søren Kierkegaard]], ''The Concept of Anxiety'', Nichol p. 98-100 (1844) * He was the God of War. ** [[Theodoros Kolokotronis]], ''Kolokotronis Memoirs'' by Georgios Tertsetis *Do not think that he will restore [[Poland]]: he thinks only of himself. He hates every great nationality and still more the spirit of independence. He is a tyrant, and his only aim is to satisfy his own ambition. I am sure he will create nothing durable. **[[Tadeusz Kościuszko]], quoted in J. Holland Rose, 'Napoleon and Poland', in W. F. Reddaway, J. H. Penson, O. Halecksi and R. Dyboski (eds.), ''The Cambridge History of Poland: From Augustus II to Pilsudski (1697–1935)'' (1941), pp. 212-213 *If there is one characteristic and striking trait in the innumerable conversations noted down by those who could approach him most intimately, it is the absence of all unforced utterances. He is always seen concerned, either to gauge the intentions of the other person, or to make an impression on his mind so as to lead him towards a certain conclusion; it would be trouble wasted to look for a moment of abandon, of enthusiasm, of sincere outpouring, be it about himself or others. Even when he allows himself to be carried away in these coquetries of cat-like grace, the charm of which contemporaries have so repeatedly described, he does not lose sight of the effect that he is aiming at; even his rash words are calculated. He is impenetrable to those near to him as well as to strangers. It would even be impossible to point out, in the whole of his life, a single one of those sayings of philosophic self-mockery which delight us in [[Julius Caesar|Caesar]] or in [[Frederick II of Prussia|Frederick]], because they show us the man rising above his role, commenting on himself with a judgment unclouded by his own success... Napoleon is always on the stage, always concerned about the impression he is making... He is lacking in that final human greatness which consists in estimating one's self at its true value, and as a result of his incurable self-conceit he remains on the level of small minds. **[[w:Pierre Lanfrey|Pierre Lanfrey]], ''Histoire de Napoléon'', Vol. II (1867), pp. 336 sqq., quoted in Pieter Geyl, ''Napoleon For and Against'' (1949), p. 87 *What! Will you submit to give your country a master taken from a race, of origin so ignominious that the Romans disdained to employ them as slaves? **[[w:Jean-Denis Lanjuinais|Jean-Denis Lanjuinais]], speech to the senate after Napoleon became Emperor (1804), quoted in Hewson Clarke, ''An Impartial History of the Naval, Military and Political Events in Europe from the Commencement of the French Revolution to the Entrance of the Allies Into Paris and the Conclusion of a General Peace, Including a Copious & Original Narrative of the Origin & Progress of that Revolution, Biographical Memoirs of Buonaparte & Other Principal Persons, Together with a Comprehensive Account of the Transactions in America & the East & West Indies, Embellished with Fine Engravings'' (1815), pp. 1116-1117 *I have always been the victim of my attachment to him. He only loves you by fits and starts, that is, when he has need of you. **[[w:Jean Lannes|Jean Lannes]], statement during the [[w:Siege of Danzig (1807)|Siege of Danzig]] (March 1807), quoted in John Holland Rose, ''The Life of Napoleon I, Vol. II'' (1902), p. 193 * A dîner, il nous disait qu'il se trouvait beaucoup mieux, et nous lui avons fait observer, à ce sujet, que, depuis quelque temps néanmoins, il ne sortait plus, et travaillat huit, dix, douze heures par jour.<br>«C'est cela même,» disait-il: «le travail est mon élément; je suis né et construit pour le travail. J'ai connu les limites de mes jambes, j'ai connu les limites de mes yeux; je n'ai jamais pu connaître celles de mon travail.» ** At dinner, he told us that he was much better, and we pointed out to him, about this, that, for some time however, he had not been out, and had been working eight, ten, or twelve hours a day. "That is just it," said he: "work is my element; I was born and made for it. I have found the limits of my legs; I have found the limits of my eyes; but I have never been able to find the limits of my labour." ***[[w:Emmanuel, comte de Las Cases|Emmanuel, comte de Las Cases]], ''[[w:The Memorial of Saint Helena|Mémorial de Sainte Hélène]]'', Volume 6, [https://play.google.com/books/reader?id=qSliAAAAcAAJ&printsec=frontcover&output=reader&hl=en&pg=GBS.PA272 p. 272] * Although Napoleon's individual ambitions were not realised, his actions have nevertheless left the deepest impress on society. In France, the new state had not yet taken definite shape, and it was Napoleon who gave it an administrative framework that bore the marks of a master hand. The Revolution of 1789 had thrust the middle classes forward into power, but this power had then been disputed by a rising democracy. Under the protection of the emperor, the notables succeeded in recovering it, and grew in wealth and influence. Once they had got rid of the menace of the common people, they were prepared to govern and to restore liberalism. In Europe, the spread of French ideas, the influence of England, the advance of capitalism and the consequent rise of the middle classes, all tended in the same direction and resulted in a marked speeding up of evolution and the introduction of the modern order. The expansion of culture, the proclamation of the sovereignty of the people and the spread of Romanticism foreshadowed the awakening of nationalism, and Napoleon’s territorial rearrangements and reforms encouraged these trends. Capitalism was taking root in the West, and the blockade provided protection for its early stages. Romanticism had long been fermenting in Europe, and Napoleon provided its poets with the perfect hero. But though Napoleon’s influence was considerable, this was only in so far as it followed the currents that were already carrying European civilisation along with them. If historical determinism is to be brought into the picture, this is where its effects may be observed. ** [[w:Georges Lefebvre|Georges Lefebvre]], ''Napoléon'' (1935) * But [[Henry Temple, 3rd Viscount Palmerston|Palmerston]] likes to put his foot on their necks! Now, no statesman must triumph over an enemy that is not quite dead, because people forget a real loss, a real misfortune, but they won’t forget an insult. Napoleon made great mistakes that way; he hated Prussia, insulted it on all occasions, but still left it alive. The consequence was that in 1813 they rose to a man in Prussia, even children and women took arms, because they had been treated with contempt and insulted. ** [https://rc.library.uta.edu/uta-ir/bitstream/handle/10106/382/umi-uta-1517.pdf?sequence=1&isAllowed=y Early Belgian colonial Efforts: The long and fateful shadow of Leopold I] King [[Leopold I of Belgium]] in a letter to Palmerston. After both Victoria and Palmerston agreed and united against Leopold in forcing him to accept the treaty with Holland, thus settling for less than he and the Belgian people had hoped for after the revolution of 1830. *At the battle of Waterloo, when Napoleon's cavalry had charged again and again upon the unbroken squares of British infantry, at last they were giving up the attempt, and going off in disorder, when some of the officers in mere vexation and complete despair fired their pistols at those solid squares. ** [[Abraham Lincoln]], [https://archive.is/oYxvX Speech at New Haven, Connecticut] (6 March 1860) *The spirit which had produced [[French Revolution|the revolution]], which had changed the whole constitution of society in France, and had given battle to all the monarchies of Europe, was not wholly extinct; and, as the calamities of anarchy faded from the remembrance of the people, would probably become stronger and stronger. To destroy it utterly, to prevent it from ever reviving, to turn the minds of men into a course different from that in which they had moved during the greater part of the eighteenth century, was the chief object of the policy of Napoleon. He is said to have observed that nobody could conceive the difficulties of governing a people who read [[The Social Contract|the social contract]] and [[The Spirit of the Laws|the spirit of the laws]]. His whole conduct showed that he was possessed by an ambition at once the meanest and the most gigantic that ever entered into any heart. Too selfish to govern in conformity with the [[Liberalism|liberal]] principles of the age, he attempted to compress the spirit of the age into conformity with his maxims of government. Political science was to be forced backwards. The public mind of Europe was to sink into second childhood, lest the depraved ambition of one man should encounter a single obstacle. **[[Thomas Babington Macaulay]], ''Napoleon and the Restoration of the Bourbons: The Completed Portion of Macaulay's Projected "History of France from the Restoration of the Bourbons to the Accession of Louis Philippe"'', ed. Joseph Hamburger (1977), p. 56 *The press was placed under the most severe and watchful restraint. The jealously of the emperor was not confined to the writings of the living, but extended to works which had long been classical. [[Louis XIV of France|Louis the Fourteenth]], though a despot and a conqueror, had listened with respect to the noble discourse in which the eloquence of [[Jean Baptiste Massillon|Massillon]] exposed the folly and wickedness of ambition. Bonaparte dreaded the effect which those sermons might produce on a people exhausted by taxes and conscriptions. Louis the Fourteenth, superstitious as he was, defended the [[Tartuffe]] of [[Molière]] against the hypocrites and bigots of his court. Bonaparte expressed his regret that such a piece should be in possession of the stage, and declared that, if it had been new, he would not have suffered it to be performed. Coming after a revolution produced by the force of public opinion, he was more competent than any of his predecessors to estimate that force, and was more solicitous than any of them to guard against it... Every writer of every age who had set forth the evils of despotism he regarded as his personal enemy. He spoke with bitterness of the masterly portraits of [[Tacitus]], of those lessons of benevolence which are conveyed in the sweet and glowing language of [[François Fénelon|Fénélon]], and of those bold attacks on political and social abuses which form the redeeming part of the writings of [[Voltaire]]. He hated [[Anne Louise Germaine de Staël|madame de Staël]], and persecuted her with unmanly cruelty. Other despots were content to prescribe to their subjects what they should not write; the French emperor dictated almost the whole literature of France: he made it a crime not to flatter him. **[[Thomas Babington Macaulay]], ''Napoleon and the Restoration of the Bourbons: The Completed Portion of Macaulay's Projected "History of France from the Restoration of the Bourbons to the Accession of Louis Philippe"'', ed. Joseph Hamburger (1977), pp. 56-67 *If the plans of Napoleon had succeeded, if he had been able to humble Russia, to drive the English from [[Spain]], to keep down the whole continent by military force, if his life had been prolonged to the full age of man, and if his power had lasted as long as his life, it is scarcely possible to estimate the amount of evil which he would have produced. He would have renewed, perhaps for centuries, the expiring lease of tyranny... The insolence of office would have succeeded to the insolence of birth. The old aristocracy would have fallen, only that a new aristocracy, of the basest and most pernicious kind, might rise in its stead; an aristocracy of placemen, oppressing the people, and oppressed by each other. A new generation would have grown up skilfully trained and broken in to slavery, – a generation which would have derived all its political notions from books mutilated by censors, and conversations watched by spies. The government would have been like that of the [[Byzantine Empire|Byzantine empire]], or that of [[China]], – a vast official hierarchy, rising by numerous gradations, with an oppressed people beneath and a solitary tyrant at the summit; and the human intellect would have languished as it languished under the emperors of the east, and as it has for ages languished in China. **[[Thomas Babington Macaulay]], ''Napoleon and the Restoration of the Bourbons: The Completed Portion of Macaulay's Projected "History of France from the Restoration of the Bourbons to the Accession of Louis Philippe"'', ed. Joseph Hamburger (1977), p. 60 * After the first Revolution had transformed the semi-feudal peasants into freeholders, Napoleon confirmed and regulated the conditions in which they could exploit undisturbed the soil of France which they had only just acquired, and could slake their youthful passion for property. But what is now ruining the French peasant is his small holding itself, the division of the land and the soil, the property form which Napoleon consolidated in France. It is exactly these material conditions which made the feudal peasant a small-holding peasant and Napoleon an emperor. Two generations sufficed to produce the unavoidable result: progressive deterioration of agriculture and progressive indebtedness of the agriculturist. The “Napoleonic” property form, which at the beginning of the nineteenth century was the condition of the emancipation and enrichment of the French countryfolk, has developed in the course of this century into the law of their enslavement and their pauperism. And just this law is the first of the “Napoleonic ideas” which the second Bonaparte has to uphold. If he still shares with the peasants the illusion that the cause of their ruin is to be sought not in the small holdings themselves but outside them – in the influence of secondary circumstances – his experiments will shatter like soap bubbles when they come in contact with the relations of production. ** [[Karl Marx]], ''The Eighteenth Brumaire of Louis Bonaparte'' *[I]t was not until he left the military school that he gave himself up with ardour to study. He has often told me that since that date he has constantly worked sixteen hours a day. Nevertheless he already had within him the germs of the qualities which were brought out by education, and which, under the influence of events, developed to the highest degree. These dominating qualities were pride, and a sentiment of his dignity, a warlike instinct, a genius for form, the love of order and of discipline. **[[w:Claude-François de Méneval|Claude-François de Méneval]], ''Memoirs to Serve for the History of Napoleon I from 1802 to 1815, Vol. I'', translated by Robert H. Sherard (1894), p. 107 * Like a final signpost to other ways, there appeared Napoleon, the most unique and violent anachronism that ever existed, and in him the incarnate problem of the aristocratic ideal in itself—consider well what a problem it is:—Napoleon, that synthesis of Monster and Superman. ** [[Friedrich Nietzsche]], ''On the Genealogy of Morals'' * "'''What do you think'''," said he, "'''of all things in the world would give me the greatest pleasure?'''" I was on the point of replying, removal from St. Helena, when he said, "'''To be able to go about ''incognito'' in London and other parts of England, to the ''restaurateurs'', with a friend, to dine in public at the expense of half a guinea or a guinea, and listen to the conversation of the company'''; to go through them all, changing almost daily, and in this manner, with my own ears, to hear the people express their sentiments, in their unguarded moments, freely and without restraint; to hear their real opinion of myself, and of the surprising occurrences of the last twenty years." I observed, that he would hear much evil and much good of himself. "Oh, as to the evil," replied he, "I care not about that. I am well used to it. Besides, I know that the public opinion will be changed. The nation will be just as much disgusted at the libels published against me, as they formerly were greedy in reading and believing them. This," added he, "and the education of my son, would form my greatest pleasure. It was my intention to have done this, had I reached America. '''The happiest days of my life were from sixteen to twenty, during the ''semestres'', when I used to go about, as I have told you I should wish to do, from one ''restaurateur'' to another, living moderately, and having a lodging for which I paid three louis a month. They were the happiest days of my life. I was always so much occupied, that I may say I never was truly happy upon the throne.'''" ** [[w:Barry Edward O'Meara|Barry Edward O'Meara]], in ''Napoleon in Exile : or, A Voice from St. Helena'' (1822), Vol. II, p. 155 *The completest charlatan that ever existed. **[[Thomas Paine]], as quoted in [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:BookSources/0-670-03788-5 ''Thomas Paine''], by Craig Nelson, p. 299. * Bonaparte was a man of iron energy and was remorseless in the pursuit of his goal. But in those days there were not a few energetic, talented, and ambitious egoists besides him. The place Bonaparte succeeded in occupying would not have remained vacant. **Georgy Plekhanov, ''The Fundamentals of Marxism'' *As long as there had been a civilian government, and a constitution, and a republic, there were at least the roots from which liberty might still spring, to blossom once more; now there came, with the sword, a regime on principle opposed to liberty. **[[Edgar Quinet]], ''La Révolution'' (1865), quoted in Pieter Geyl, ''Napoleon For and Against'' (1949), p. 78 *The ideal of Napoleon was the Empire of [[Constantine the Great|Constantine]], and of [[Theodosius I|Theodosius]]. He inherited this tradition as did all the Italian [[w:Guelphs and Ghibellines|Ghibellines]], from his ancestors... Instead of assisting the liberation of the individual conscience, he always postulated a Pope, of whom he would be the Emperor and master. It is a conception which takes its origins from the idea of the Ghibellines and the medieval commentators. When he dreams of the future it is always of the submissive world of a [[Justinian I|Justinian]] or a Theodosius, as imagined by the medieval imperialist thinkers. In the midst of such concepts modern freedom seemed an anachronism; worse, to him it could appear only as the people's whim, as a snare for his power. **[[Edgar Quinet]], ''La Révolution'' (1865), quoted in Pieter Geyl, ''Napoleon For and Against'' (1949), pp. 83-84 * Messieurs, nous avons un maître, ce jeune homme fait tout, peut tout, et veut tout. ** Translation: ''Gentlemen, we have a master; this young man does everything, can do everything and will do everything''. ** [[Emmanuel-Joseph Sieyès]], reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), "Character", p. 105 *From the early days of the [[French Revolution]] political prophets had been foretelling that this revolution would find its embodiment in a man, who, through it, would subdue France and govern her with a power greater than that which had been [[Louis XIV of France|Louis XIV]]'s. Bonaparte saw it, as it had been divined by [[w:Honoré Gabriel Riqueti, comte de Mirabeau|Mirabeau]] and [[Catherine II of Russia|Catherine]], but with his Roman vision of history he had a clearer conception of it than the others. He more particularly ''feels'' it, since this history, which is revealed to his intellect, lives in him and seems to be living for his sake. He does not analyse it, he finds no subtle delectation in it; he goes for it, clearing away one obstacle after another; he sets out for the Empire after the fashion of [[Christopher Columbus|Columbus]], who reached the new world while imagining that he was encircling the old. The others are fearing, expecting or blindly seeking the predicted and inevitable "Man". He knows him, for he will be that man. He reveals to himself his ambition, as his destiny finds its explanation in history. **[[w:Albert Sorel|Albert Sorel]], ''L'Europe at la Révolution Française. Cinquième Partie: Bonaparte et le Directoire 1795–1799'' (1903), pp. 179-180, quoted in Pieter Geyl, ''Napoleon For and Against'' (1949), p. 261 *[[w:Condottiero|Condottiere]] without manners, without fatherland, without morality, an oriental despot, a new [[Attila]], a warrior who knew only how to corrupt and annihilate. **[[Anne Louise Germaine de Staël|Madame de Staël]], quoted in Caroline Moorehead, ''Dancing to the Precipice: Lucie de la Tour Du Pin and the French Revolution'' (2010), p. 357 *'''Napoleon, far more Italian than French, Italian by race, by instinct, imagination, and souvenir, considers in his plan the future of Italy, and, on casting up the final accounts of his reign, we find that the net profit is for Italy and the net loss is for France.''' Since Theodoric and the Lombard kings, the Pope, in preserving his temporal sovereignty and spiritual omnipotence, has maintained the sub-divisions of Italy; let this obstacle be removed and Italy will once more become a nation. Napoleon prepares the way, and constitutes it beforehand by restoring the Pope to his primitive condition, by withdrawing from him his temporal sovereignty and limiting his spiritual omnipotence, by reducing him to the position of managing director of Catholic consciences and head minister of the principal cult authorized in the empire. **[[Hippolyte Taine]] in Napoleon's views on religion. <ref>[https://archive.org/stream/jstor-25102177/25102177_djvu.txt Archive]</ref> *That illustrious war chief became the pacifier of France: he restored the country's national cohesion; that is his glory, his incontestable glory, against which nothing will prevail. Could he have achieved through liberty that pacification which he accomplished by authority? Supposing that this great winner of victories had been able to triumph over himself, could he at least have granted to the French certain political rights, have allowed some control, have called the nation to exercise certain liberties, have prepared her for a more intimate knowledge of affairs, thus helping her on the way to a more normal destiny? Did such an attempt hold out any prospect of success, could it even be undertaken, on the morrow of unheard-of convulsions, at a time when the parties of violence were under control, rather than exterminated, when so few Frenchmen had acquired any feeling and any taste for legality; at a time especially when France, triumphant though she was, within her extended frontiers and in the wide development of her offensive and defensive fronts, nevertheless remained a vast fortress besieged by Europe? If Bonaparte in that crisis had made a beginning with the founding of liberty, he would have proved himself superior to his age, superior to himself. It is impossible to say whether the undertaking would have surpassed his genius; it was certainly above the reach of his character. But while not attempting ''this'', he devoted the respite left him by his truce with Europe to proceeding with his work of interior reconstruction and to reinfusing order and greatness into all parts of the Commonwealth. **[[w:Albert Vandal|Albert Vandal]], ''L'avènement de Bonaparte'' (1902), quoted in Pieter Geyl, ''Napoleon For and Against'' (1949), pp. 231-232 *A quarter of an hour later came Napoleon. I received him with Countess Tauenzien at the foot of the staircase. He is excessively ugly, with a flat, swollen, sallow face; he is very corpulent besides, short, and entirely without figure; his great round eyes roll gloomily about, the expression of his features is severe, he looks like the incarnation of fate. Only his mouth is well shaped, and his teeth are good also. **[[w:Sophie Marie von Voß|Sophie Marie von Voß]], diary entry on Napoleon's meeting with [[w:Louise of Mecklenburg-Strelitz|Queen Louise]] of Prussia at [[w:Treaties of Tilsit|Tilsit]] (6 July 1807), quoted in Sophie Marie Countess von Voss, ''Sixty-Nine Years at the Court of Prussia, Vol. II'', translated by Emily and Agnes Stephenson (1876), p. 109 * '''I used to say of him that his presence on the field made the difference of forty thousand men.''' ** [[Arthur Wellesley, 1st Duke of Wellington]], spoken statement (2 November 1831), as quoted in ''Notes of Conversations with the Duke of Wellington'' (1886) by [[w:Philip Stanhope, 5th Earl Stanhope|Philip Henry Stanhope]] * In early life he may have been a sincere republican; but he hated anarchy and disorder, and, before his campaign in Italy was over, he had begun to plan to make himself ruler of France. '''He worked systematically to transform the people's earlier ardor for liberty into a passion for military glory and plunder.''' ** [http://www.archive.org/search.php?query=creator%3A%22Willis%20Mason%20West%22 Willis Mason West] in [http://www.archive.org/details/storyworldprogr00westgoog ''The Story of World Progress'' (1922), p. 434] *That monster, choked out of hell, formed by [[w:Beelzebub|Beelzebub]], formed to be the scorching of the earth ** [[w:Frederick William II of Prussia|Frederick William II of Prussia]] ===''Le Moniteur Universel''=== * The cannibal has left his lair. ** ''Le Moniteur Universel'', March 9, 1815. * The Corsican ogre has just landed at the Juan Gulf. ** ''Le Moniteur Universel'', March 10, 1815. * The tiger has arrived at Gap. ** ''Le Moniteur Universel'', March 11, 1815. * The monster slept at Grenoble. ** ''Le Moniteur Universel'', March 12, 1815. * The tyrant has crossed Lyons. ** ''Le Moniteur Universel'', March 13, 1815. * The usurper was seen sixty leagues from the capital. ** ''Le Moniteur Universel'', March 18, 1815. * Bonaparte has advanced with great strides, but he will never enter Paris. ** ''Le Moniteur Universel'', March 19, 1815. * Tomorrow, Napoleon will be under our ramparts. ** ''Le Moniteur Universel'', March 20, 1815. * The Emperor has arrived at Fontainbleau. ** ''Le Moniteur Universel'', March 21, 1815. * His Imperial and Royal Majesty entered his palace at the Tuileries last night in the midst of his faithful subjects. ** ''Le Moniteur Universel'', March 22, 1815. == External links == {{wikipedia|Napoleon I of France}} {{wikisource author|Napoleon Bonaparte}} {{commons|Napoléon Bonaparte}} * [http://edu-archive.org/protect.php?url=http://www.pbs.org/empires/napoleon/home.html Napoleon] at PBS : a biography of Napoleon **{{gutenberg|no=3567|name=Memoirs of Napoleon}} **{{gutenberg|no=14300|name=The Life of Napoleon I}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Napoleon I of France}} [[Category:Military leaders from France]] [[Category:Monarchs from France]] [[Category:Academics from France]] [[Category:Emperors]] [[Category:1769 births]] [[Category:1821 deaths]] [[Category:Prisoners]] <!-- links de acesso rapido --> stq2iwefu6kr7c0pjbt87un5mf5oyc6 0 88 3778777 3771893 2025-07-14T18:14:27Z A23423413 3125316 /* Quotes about Emerson */ add 3778777 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Ralph Waldo Emerson ca1857.jpg|thumb|right|The [[progress]] of the [[intellect]] is to the clearer [[vision]] of causes, which neglects surface differences. To the [[poet]], to the [[philosopher]], to the [[saint]], [[all]] things are friendly and sacred, all events profitable, all days holy, all men divine.]] '''[[w:Ralph Waldo Emerson|Ralph Waldo Emerson]]''' ([[25 May]] [[1803]] – [[27 April]] [[1882]]) was an American philosopher, essayist, and poet. [[File:Emerson by Johnson 1846.png|thumb|right|The man who renounces [[himself]], comes to himself.]] [[File:Emerson2 cropped.jpg|thumb|right|He who is in [[love]] is [[wise]] and is becoming wiser, sees newly every time he looks at the object beloved, drawing from it with his [[eyes]] and his [[mind]] those [[virtues]] which it possesses.]] == Quotes == [[File:Whirpool Galaxy.jpg|thumb|right|Place yourself in the middle of the stream of [[power]] and [[wisdom]] which animates all whom it floats, and you are without effort impelled to [[truth]], to right and a perfect contentment.]] [[File:RWEmerson.jpg|thumb|right|Only the [[great]] [[generalizations]] [[survive]].]] [[File:Carmel Monterey Cypress.jpg|thumb|right|What strength belongs to every plant and animal in nature. The tree or the brook has no duplicity, no pretentiousness, no show. It is, with all its might and main, what it is, and makes one and the same impression and effect at all times.]] * The cup of life is not so shallow <br /> That we have drained the best <br /> That all the wine at once we swallow <br /> And lees make all the rest. ** 1827 journal entry reproduced in ''Emerson: The Mind on Fire'' (1995), p. 82 * '''The man who renounces himself, comes to himself.''' ** ''The Divinity College Address'' (1838) : full title "An Address Delivered Before the Senior Class in Divinity College, Cambridge, Sunday Evening, July 15, 1838", given at Harvard Divinity School : as contained in ''The Spiritual Emerson'': Essential Writings, Emerson, ed. David M Robinson, Beacon Press (2004), p. 78 : {{ISBN|0807077194}} * '''The sublime is excited in me by the [[great]] [[Stoicism|stoical]] doctrine, Obey thyself.''' ** ''The Divinity College Address'' (1838) * '''Wherever a man comes, there comes revolution. The old is for slaves.''' ** ''The Divinity College Address'' (1838) * None believeth in the [[soul]] of man, but only in some man or person old and departed. ** ''The Divinity College Address'' (1838) * '''The imitator dooms himself to hopeless mediocrity.''' The inventor did it because it was natural to him, and so in him it has a charm. In the imitator something else is natural, and he bereaves himself of his own beauty, to come short of another man's. ** ''The Divinity College Address'' (1838) * '''He who is in [[love]] is [[wise]] and is becoming wiser, sees newly every time he looks at the object beloved, drawing from it with his eyes and his mind those virtues which it possesses.''' ** ''[http://www.infomotions.com/alex2/authors/emerson-ralph/emerson-method-734/ Address on The Method of Nature]'' (1841) * I fancy I need more than another to speak (rather than write), with such a formidable tendency to the lapidary style. I build my house of boulders. ** Letter to [[Thomas Carlyle]] (30 October 1841) * Yet a man may love a paradox, without losing either his wit or his honesty. ** ''[http://www.emersoncentral.com/walter_savage_landor.htm Walter Savage Landor]'', from ''The Dial'', XII (1841) * Literature is the effort of man to indemnify himself for the wrongs of his condition. ** ''Walter Savage Landor'', from ''The Dial'', XII * There is always a certain meanness in the argument of conservatism, joined with a certain superiority in its fact. ** ''[http://www.rwe.org/the-conservative/ The Conservative]'' (1842) * The two parties which divide the State, the party of Conservatism and that of Innovation are very old, and have disputed the possession of the world ever since it was made ... Now one, now the other gets the day, and still the fight renews itself as if for the first time, under new names and hot personalities ... Innovation is the salient energy; Conservatism the pause on the last movement. ** The Conservative, via Arthur M. Schlesinger, Jr., ''The Cycles of American History'' (Houghton Mifflin, 1986) p. 23 * Self-reliance, the height and perfection of man, is reliance on God. ** ''[http://www.rwe.org/comm/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=75&Itemid=254 The Fugitive Slave Law]'', a lecture in New York City (7 March 1854), ''The Complete Works of Ralph Waldo Emerson'' (1904) * [[Slavery]] is disheartening; but Nature is not so helpless but it can rid itself of every last wrong. But the spasms of nature are centuries and ages and will tax the faith of short-lived men. '''Slowly, slowly the Avenger comes, but comes surely.''' The proverbs of the nations affirm these delays, but affirm the arrival. They say, "[[God]] may consent, but not forever." The delay of the Divine Justice — this was the meaning and soul of the Greek Tragedy, — this was the soul of their religion. ** "The Fugitive Slave Law", a lecture in New York City (7 March 1854), ''The Complete Works of Ralph Waldo Emerson'' (1904), p. 238 * I am not blind to the worth of the wonderful gift of "LEAVES OF GRASS." I find it the most extraordinary piece of wit and wisdom that America has yet contributed. I am very happy in reading it, as great power makes us happy. It meets the demand I am always making of what seemed the sterile and stingy nature, as if too much handiwork, or too much lymph in the temperament, were making our western wits fat and mean. <br/> I give you joy of your free and brave thought. I have great joy in it. I find incomparable things said incomparably well, as they must be. I find the courage of treatment which so delights us, and which large perception only can inspire. <br/> I greet you at the beginning of a great career, which yet must have had a long foreground somewhere, for such a start. I rubbed my eyes a little, to see if this sunbeam were no illusion; but the solid sense of the book is a sober certainty. It has the best merits, namely, of fortifying and encouraging... ** ''Letter to [[Walt Whitman]]'', thanking him for a copy of ''[[Leaves of Grass]]'' (July 21, 1855) * ''' The thing has done avails, and not what is said about it. An original sentence, a step forward, is worth more than all the censures.''' ** "[http://www.emersoncentral.com/first_visit_england.htm First Visit to England]" in ''[http://www.emersoncentral.com/english.htm English Traits]'' (1856) * Classics which at home are drowsily read have a strange charm in a country inn, or in the transom of a [[merchant]] brig. ** ''English Traits'' (1856) * I find the Englishman to be him of all men who stands firmest in his shoes. They have in themselves what they value in their horses, — mettle and bottom. ** ''English Traits'' (1856) *Solvency is maintained by means of the national debt, on the principle, "If you will not lend me the money, how can I pay you?" ** ''English Traits'' (1856), reprinted in ''The Prose Works of Ralph Waldo Emerson'', Vol. 2 (Boston: Fields, Osgood, & Co., 1870), p. 206 ([http://books.google.com/books?id=21IRAAAAYAAJ&pg=PA206 full text at GoogleBooks]) * Nothing can be preserved that is not good. ** ''In Praise of Books'' (1860) * Never read any book that is not a year old. ** ''In Praise of Books'' * If the colleges were better, if they ... had the power of imparting valuable thought, creative principles, truths which become powers, thoughts which become talents, — if they could cause that a mind not profound should become profound, — we should all rush to their gates: instead of contriving inducements to draw students, you would need to set policy at the gates to keep order in the in-rushing multitude. ** ''The Celebration of Intellect'' (1861) * '''Only the great [[generalization]]s survive.''' The sharp words of the Declaration of Independence, lampooned then and since as 'glittering generalities,' have turned out blazing ubiquities that will burn forever and ever. ** A lecture on 'Books' delivered in 1864; the quoted phrase 'glittering generalities' had been used by [[w: Rufus Choate|Rufus Choate]] to describe the declaration of the rights of man in the Preamble to the Constitution (''The Complete Works of Ralph Waldo Emerson'' (1903-4) Vol. 10, p. 88, note 1) * A mollusk is a cheap edition [of man] with a suppression of the costlier illustrations, designed for dingy circulation, for shelving in an oyster-bank or among the seaweed. ** ''Power and Laws of Thought'' (c. 1870) * '''Poetry teaches the enormous force of a few words, and, in proportion to the inspiration, checks loquacity.''' ** ''Parnassus'', Preface (1874) * There are two classes of poets — the poets by education and practice, these we respect; and poets by nature, these we love. ** ''Parnassus'', Preface * What is a weed? A plant whose virtues have yet to be discovered. ** ''Fortune of the Republic'' (1878) * ''' I hung my verse in the wind <br /> Time and tide their faults will find.''' ** "The Test", as quoted in ''Emerson As A Poet'' (1883) by Joel Benton, p. 40 * '''Sunshine cannot bleach the snow, <br /> Nor time unmake what poets know.''' ** "The Test", as quoted in ''Emerson As A Poet'' (1883) by Joel Benton, p. 40 * The bitterest tragic element in life to be derived from an intellectual source is the belief in a brute Fate or Destiny. ** [http://www.rwe.org/natural-history-of-intellect.html ''The Natural History of Intellect'' (1893)] * '''Characters and talents are complemental and suppletory. The world stands by balanced antagonisms.''' The more the peculiarities are pressed the better the result. The air would rot without lightning; and without the violence of direction that men have, without bigots, without men of the fixed idea, no excitement, no efficiency. <br /> ''' The novelist should not make any character act absurdly, but only absurdly as seen by others. For it is so in life.''' Nonsense will not keep its unreason if you come into the humorist's point of view, but unhappily we find it is fast becoming sense, and we must flee again into the distance if we would laugh. ** ''The Natural History of Intellect'' (1893) * '''What strength belongs to every plant and animal in nature. The tree or the brook has no duplicity, no pretentiousness, no show. It is, with all its might and main, what it is, and makes one and the same impression and effect at all times.''' All the thoughts of a turtle are turtles, and of a rabbit, rabbits. But a man is broken and dissipated by the giddiness of his will; he does not throw himself into his judgments; his genius leads him one way but 't is likely his trade or politics in quite another. ** ''The Natural History of Intellect'' (1893) * Every man is a new method. ** ''The Natural History of Intellect'' (1893) * The poor, short lone fact dies at birth. Memory catches it up into her heaven and bathes it in immortal waters. ** ''The Natural History of Intellect'' (1893) *So much of our time is spent in preparation, so much in routine and so much in retrospect, that the amount of each person’s genius is confined to a very few hours. * A mind does not receive truth as a chest receives jewels that are put into it, but as the stomach takes up food into the system. It is no longer food, but flesh, and is assimilated. The appetite and the power of digestion measure our right to knowledge. He has it who can use it. As soon as our accumulation overruns our invention or power to use, the evils of intellectual gluttony begin,— congestion of the brain, apoplexy, and strangulation. ** ''The Natural History of Intellect'' (1893) * '''Every man I meet is in some way my superior, and in that, I can learn of him.''' ** As quoted in ''Think'', Vol. 4-5 (1938), p. 32 * You must read [[Plato]]. But you must hold him at arm's length and say, 'Plato, you have delighted and edified mankind for two thousand years. What have you to say to me?' ** Said to a young [[Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.]], as reported by [[Felix Frankfurter]] in Harlan Buddington Phillips, ''Felix Frankfurter Reminisces'' (1960), p. 59 * I read your piece on Plato. Holmes, when you strike at a king, you must kill him. ** Said to a young [[Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.]], who had written a piece critical of Plato in response to his earlier conversation with Emerson, as reported by [[Felix Frankfurter]] in Harlan Buddington Phillips, ''Felix Frankfurter Reminisces'' (1960), p. 59 * I regard it as the irresistible effect of the Copernican astronomy to have made the theological scheme of redemption absolutely incredible ** Quoted in Robert D. Richardson, Jr., ''Emerson, the Mind On Fire'' (Univ. of Calif Press 1995), p. 124 * What is there in 'Paradise Lost' to elevate and astonish like Herschel or Somerville? ** Quoted in Robert D. Richardson, Jr., ''Emerson, the Mind On Fire'' (Univ. of Calif Press 1995), p. 124 * '''The horseman serves the horse, <br /> The neatherd serves the neat, <br /> The [[merchant]] serves the purse, <br /> The eater serves his meat; <br /> 'T is the day of the chattel, <br /> Web to weave, and corn to grind; <br /> Things are in the saddle, <br /> And ride mankind.''' ** "Ode," Complete Works (1883), vol. 9, p. 73 * '''Money often costs too much.''' ** ''The Conduct of Life'', Chapter 3, "Wealth," p. 107 * I am not much an advocate for travelling, and I observe that men run away to other countries because they are not good in their own, and run back to their own because they pass for nothing in the new places. For the most part, only the light characters travel. Who are you that have no task to keep you at home? I have been quoted as saying captious things about travel; but I mean to do justice. .... He that does not fill a place at home, cannot abroad. He only goes there to hide his insignificance in a larger crowd. You do not think you will find anything there which you have not seen at home? The stuff of all countries is just the same. Do you suppose there is any country where they do not scald milk-pans, and swaddle the infants, and burn the brushwood, and broil the fish? What is true anywhere is true everywhere. And let him go where he will, he can only find so much beauty or worth as he carries. ** ''The Conduct of Life'', Chapter 4, "Culture," p. 145 * People seem not to see that their opinion of the world is also a confession of character. ** ''The Conduct of Life'', Chapter 6, "Worship," p. 214 * Leave this hypocritical prating about the masses. Masses are rude, lame, unmade, pernicious in their demands and influence, and need not to be flattered, but to be schooled. I wish not to concede anything to them, but to tame, drill, divide, and break them up, and draw individuals out of them. ** ''The Conduct of Life'', Chapter 7, "Considerations by the Way," Complete Works (1883), vol. 6, p. 237 * Respect the child. Be not too much his parent. Trespass not on his solitude. ** [http://books.google.com/books?id=iRAWAAAAYAAJ&q=%22Respect+the+child+Be+not+too+much+his+parent+Trespass+not+on+his+solitude%22&pg=PA116#v=onepage "Education"], ''Lectures and biographical sketches'' (1883), p.116 * It is [[sublime]] as night and a breathless [[ocean]]. It contains every religious sentiment, all the grand ethics, which visit in turn each noble poetic mind .... It is of no use to put away the book if I trust myself in the woods or in a boat upon the pond. Nature makes a Brahmin of me presently: eternal compensation, unfathomable power, unbroken silence .... This is her creed. Peace, she saith to me, and purity and absolute abandonment - these panaceas expiate all sin and bring you to the beatitude of the Eight Gods. **About Vedic thought. Quoted in Palkhivala, Nani Ardeshir. India s priceless heritage 1st ed. Bombay Bharatiya Vidya Bhavan, 1980. 1980 P 9 - 24. * The Indian teaching, through its clouds of legends, has yet a simple and grand religion, like a queenly countenance seen through a rich veil. It teaches to speak truth, love others, and to dispose trifles. The East is grand - and makes Europe appear the land of trifles .... all is soul and the soul is [[Vishnu]] ... cheerful and noble is the genius of this cosmogony. Hari is always gentle and serene - he translates to heaven the hunter who has accidentally shot him in his human form, he pursues his sport with boors and milkmaids at the cow pens; all his games are benevolent and he enters into flesh to relieve the burdens of the world. ** quoted in Londhe, S. (2008). A tribute to Hinduism: Thoughts and wisdom spanning continents and time about India and her culture. New Delhi: Pragun Publication. * I find men victims of [[illusions]] in all parts oflife. Children, youths, adults and old men, all are led by one bauble or another. Yoganidra, the goddess of illusion, is stronger than the Titans, stronger than [[Apollo]]. **In his essay Illusions, quoted in Gokhale, Balkrishna Govind India in the American mind Bombay: PopularPrakashan, 1992. * [[Plato]] was [[synthesis]] of [[Europe]] and [[Asia]], and a decidedly Oriental element pervades his philosophy, giving it a sunrise color. **Abhedananda, Swami India and her people, a study in the social. political, educational and religious conditians of India. [6th ed.] Calcutta, Ramakrishna Vedanta Math [1945] *[the Upanishads and the Vedas...] they haunt me. In them I have found eternal compensation, unfathomable power, unbroken peace... ** quoted in Londhe, S. (2008). A tribute to Hinduism: Thoughts and wisdom spanning continents and time about India and her culture. New Delhi: Pragun Publication. *When Confucius and the Indian Scriptures were made known, no claim to monopoly of ethical wisdom could be thought of... It is only within this century [the 1800 's] that England and America discovered that their nursery tales were old German and Scandinavian stories; and now it appears that they came from India, and are therefore the property of all the nations. ** quoted in Londhe, S. (2008). A tribute to Hinduism: Thoughts and wisdom spanning continents and time about India and her culture. New Delhi: Pragun Publication. === 1820s === ==== ''Journals'' (1822–1863) ==== [[File:Authority of Law SCOTUS.JPG|thumb|right|A man contains all that is needful to his government within himself. He is made a law unto himself.]] [[File:Sabaoth icon (Russia, 19 c.) 2.jpeg|thumb|right|The purpose of life seems to be to acquaint a man with himself. He is not to live the future as described to him but to live the real future to the real present. The highest revelation is that God is in every man.]] [[File:The Realm of Rane - by Jeroen van Valkenburg.PNG|thumb|right|I wish to write such rhymes as shall not suggest a restraint, but contrariwise the wildest freedom.]] * '''To different minds, the same world is a hell, and a heaven.''' ** 20 December 1822 * When a whole nation is roaring [[Patriotism]] at the top of its voice, I am fain to explore the cleanness of its hands and purity of its heart. ** 10 December 1824 * The Religion that is afraid of science dishonours God and commits suicide. It acknowledges that it is not equal to the whole of truth, that it legislates, tyrannizes over a village of God's empires but is not the immutable universal law. Every influx of atheism, of skepticism is thus made useful as a mercury pill assaulting and removing a diseased religion and making way for truth. ** 4 March 1831 * A sect or party is an elegant incognito devised to save a man from the vexation of thinking. ** [http://books.google.com/books?id=jJZaAAAAMAAJ&q=&quot;A+sect+or+party+is+an+elegant+incognito+devised+to+save+a+man+from+the+vexation+of+thinking&quot;&pg=PA386#v=onepage 20 June 1831] * '''A man contains all that is needful to his government within himself. He is made a law unto himself. All real good or evil that can befal [sic] him must be from himself. He only can do himself any good or any harm. Nothing can be given to him or can taken from him but always there is a compensation..''' There is a correspondence between the human soul and everything that exists in the world; more properly, everything that is known to man. Instead of studying things without the principles of them, all may be penetrated unto with him. Every act puts the agent in a new position. '''The purpose of life seems to be to acquaint a man with himself. He is not to live the future as described to him but to live the real future to the real present. The highest revelation is that God is in every man.''' ** 8 September 1833. As quoted in: Maurice York and Rick Spaulding (2008): ''[https://books.google.de/books?id=_pRMlDQavQwC&pg=PA240&dq=A+man+contains+all+that+is+needful+to+his+government+within+himself&hl=de&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiahO73qqfeAhUwpIsKHRqzDswQ6AEIQDAD#v=onepage&q=A%20man%20contains%20all%20that%20is%20needful%20to%20his%20government%20within%20himself&f=false Ralph Waldo Emerson – The Infinitude of the Private Man: A Biography.]'' Chicago and Raleigh: Wrighwood Press, pages 240 – 241. Derived from: Edward Waldo Emerson and Waldo Emerson Forbes (1909): ''Journals of Ralph Waldo Emerson, with annotations'', III, pages 200-201. * Four snakes gliding up and down a hollow for no purpose that I could see — not to eat, not for love, but only gliding. ** 11 April 1834 * We are always getting ready to live, but never living. ** [http://books.google.com/books?id=MpNaAAAAMAAJ&q=&quot;We+are+always+getting+ready+to+live+but+never+living&quot;&pg=PA276#v=onepage 12 April 1834] * '''Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.''' ** 1836 [[File:Collage_Auge_im_Himmel_byLöser.jpg|thumb|right|The sky is the daily bread of the eyes.]] * '''Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted.''' ** 8 November 1838 * '''I wish to write such rhymes as shall not suggest a restraint, but contrariwise the wildest freedom.''' ** 27 June 1839 * Children are all foreigners. ** 25 September 1839 * The best effect of fine persons is felt after we have left their presence. ** 1839 * Man exists for his own sake and not to add a laborer to the state. ** Journal, 328, Nov. 15, 1839, [http://www.perfectidius.com/Volume_5_1838-1841.pdf] * He needs no library, for he has not done thinking; no church, for he is himself a prophet; no statute book, for he hath the Lawgiver; no money, for he is value itself; no road, for he is at home where he is. ** December 26, 1839 * If I made laws for Shakers or a school, I should gazette every Saturday all the words they were wont to use in reporting religious experience, as "spiritual life," "God," "soul," "cross," etc., and if they could not find new ones next week, they might remain silent. ** June 15, 1844 * It is easy to live for others; everybody does. I call on you to live for yourselves. ** May 3, 1845 * '''You shall have joy, or you shall have power, said God; you shall not have both.''' ** October 1842 * Do not be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better. ** 11 November 1842 * The sky is the daily bread of the eyes. ** 25 May 1843 [[File:Brocken-tanzawa2.JPG|thumb|right|''Immortality.'' I notice that as soon as writers broach this question they begin to quote. I hate quotation. Tell me what you know.]] * '''Poetry must be new as foam, and as old as the rock.''' ** March 1845 * I owed a magnificent day to the [[Bhagavad Gita]]. It was the first of books; it was as if an empire spoke to us, nothing small or unworthy, but large, serene, consistent, the voice of an old intelligence which in another age and climate had pondered and thus disposed of the same questions which exercise us. ** 1 October 1848 * ''Immortality.'' I notice that as soon as writers broach this question they begin to quote. '''I hate quotation. Tell me what you know.''' ** May 1849: This is a remark Emerson wrote referring to the unreliability of second hand testimony and worse upon the subject of immortality. It is often taken out of proper context, and has even begun appearing on the internet as "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know" or sometimes just "I hate quotations". <br /> * Blessed are those who have no talent! ** February 1850 * The word ''liberty'' in the mouth of Mr. Webster sounds like the word ''love'' in the mouth of a courtesan. ** 12 February 1851; compare the remark of [[w:John Wilkes|John Wilkes]] about [[Samuel Johnson]], "''Liberty'' is as ridiculous in his mouth as ''Religion'' in mine" (20 March 1778), quoted in ''The Life of Samuel Johnson'' (1791) by [[James Boswell]]. * I trust a good deal to common fame, as we all must. If a man has good corn, or wood, or boards, or pigs, to sell, or can make better chairs or knives, crucibles or church organs, than anybody else, you will find a broad hard-beaten road to his house, though it be in the woods. ** February 1855 * The blazing evidence of immortality is our dissatisfaction with any other solution. ** July 1855 * '''I have been writing & speaking what were once called novelties, for twenty five or thirty years, & have not now one disciple. Why? Not that what I said was not true; not that it has not found intelligent receivers but because it did not go from any wish in me to bring men to me, but to themselves.''' I delight in driving them from me. What could I do, if they came to me? — they would interrupt and encumber me. This is my boast that I have no school & no follower. I should account it a measure of the impurity of insight, if it did not create independence. ** April 1859 === 1830s === ==== ''[http://www.emersoncentral.com/nature.htm Nature]'' (1836) ==== [[File:Milky Way from Flickr.jpg|thumb|right|If the stars should appear one night in a thousand years, how would men believe and adore, and preserve for many generations the remembrance of the city of God which had been shown!]] * Our age is retrospective. It builds the sepulchres of the fathers. It writes biographies, histories, and criticism. The foregoing generation beheld God and nature face to face; we, through their eyes. Why should not we also enjoy an original relation to the universe. Why should not we have a poetry and philosophy of insight and not of tradition, and a religion by revelation to us, and not the history of theirs? ** Introduction * Undoubtedly we have no questions to ask which are unanswerable. We must trust the perfection of the creation so far, as to believe that whatever curiosity the order of things has awakened in our minds, the order of things can satisfy. Every man's condition is a solution in hieroglyphic to those inquiries he would put. He acts it as life, before he apprehends it as truth. ** Introduction * '''If the stars should appear one night in a thousand years, how would men believe and adore, and preserve for many generations the remembrance of the city of God which had been shown!''' But every night come out these envoys of beauty, and light the universe with their admonishing smile. ** Ch. 1, ''Nature'' * '''The stars awaken a certain reverence, because though always present, they are inaccessible; but all natural objects make a kindred impression, when the mind is open to their influence. Nature never wears a mean appearance.''' Neither does the wisest man extort her secret, and lose his curiosity by finding out all her perfection. Nature never became a toy to a wise spirit. The flowers, the animals, the mountains, reflected the wisdom of his best hour, as much as they had delighted the simplicity of his childhood. ** Ch. 1, ''Nature'' [[File:AnttlersNewM45.jpg|thumb|right|The stars awaken a certain reverence, because though always present, they are inaccessible; but all natural objects make a kindred impression, when the mind is open to their influence. Nature never wears a mean appearance.]] * The charming landscape which I saw this morning, is indubitably made up of some twenty or thirty farms. Miller owns this field, Locke that, and Manning the woodland beyond. But none of them owns the landscape. '''There is a property in the horizon which no man has but he whose eye can integrate all the parts, that is, the poet.''' This is the best part of these men's farms, yet to this their warranty-deeds give no title. '''To speak truly, few adult persons can see nature. Most persons do not see the sun. At least they have a very superficial seeing.''' The sun illuminates only the eye of the man, but shines into the eye and the heart of the child. '''The lover of nature is he whose inward and outward senses are still truly adjusted to each other; who has retained the spirit of infancy even into the era of [[manhood]]. His intercourse with heaven and earth, becomes part of his daily food.''' ** Ch. 1, ''Nature'' * '''Standing on the bare ground, — my head bathed by the blithe air, and uplifted into infinite space, — all mean egotism vanishes. I become a transparent eye-ball; I am nothing; I see all; the currents of the Universal Being circulate through me; I am part or particle of God.''' ** Ch. 1, ''Nature'' * Beauty is the mark God sets upon virtue. ** Ch. 3, ''Beauty'' * Give me health and a day, and I will make the pomp of emperors ridiculous. ** Ch. 3, ''Beauty'' * '''Every natural fact is a symbol of some spiritual fact.''' ** Ch. 4, ''Language'' * We are, like Nebuchadnezzar, dethroned, bereft of reason, and eating grass like an ox. ** Ch. 8, ''Prospects'' * A man is a god in ruins. ** Ch. 8, ''Prospects'' ==== ''[http://www.emersoncentral.com/amscholar.htm The American Scholar]'' (1837) ==== * In this distribution of functions, the scholar is the delegated intellect. In the right state, he is, ''Man Thinking.'' In the degenerate state, when the victim of society, he tends to become a mere thinker, or, still worse, the parrot of other men's thinking. * '''The state of society is one in which the members have suffered amputation from the trunk, and strut about so many walking monsters,—a good finger, a neck, a stomach, an elbow, but never a man.''' * The soul active sees absolute truth; and utters truth, or creates. * But [[genius]] looks forward: the eyes of men are set in his forehead, not in his hindhead: man hopes: genius creates. * Genius is always sufficiently the enemy of genius by over influence. * Man Thinking must not be subdued by his instruments. * '''Of course, he who has put forth his total strength in fit actions, has the richest return of wisdom.''' * '''[[Life]] is our dictionary.''' * Success treads on every right step. For the instinct is sure, that prompts him to tell his brother what he thinks. He then learns, that in going down into the secrets of his own mind, he has descended into the secrets of all minds. He learns that he who has mastered any law in his private thoughts, is master to that extent of all men whose language he speaks, and of all into whose language his own can be translated. * '''Wherever Macdonald sits, there is the head of the table.''' * The soul is subject to dollars. * In how many churches, by how many prophets, tell me, is man made sensible that he is an infinite Soul; that the earth and heavens are passing into his mind; that he is drinking forever the soul of God? * The world is nothing, the man is all; in yourself is the law of all nature, and you know not yet how a globule of sap ascends; in yourself slumbers the whole of Reason; it is for you to know all, it is for you to dare all. * I had better never see a book than to be warped by its attraction clean out of my own orbit, and made a satellite instead of a system. The one thing in the world, of value, is the active soul. * '''Character is higher than intellect...A great soul will be strong to live, as well as strong to think.''' * What would we really know the meaning of? The meal in the firkin; the milk in the pan; the ballad in the street; the news of the boat; the glance of the eye; the form and the gait of the body; — show me the ultimate reason of these matters; show me the sublime presence of the highest spiritual cause lurking, as always it does lurk, in these suburbs and extremities of nature; let me see every trifle bristling with the polarity that ranges it instantly on an eternal law; and the shop, the plough, and the ledger, referred to the like cause by which light undulates and poets sing; — and the world lies no longer a dull miscellany and lumber-room, but has form and order; there is no trifle; there is no puzzle; but one design unites and animates the farthest pinnacle and the lowest trench. * Do not yet see, that, if the single man plant himself indomitably on his instincts, and there abide, the huge world will come round to him. * '''We will walk on our own feet; we will work with our own hands; we will speak our own minds...A nation of men will for the first time exist, because each believes himself inspired by the Divine Soul which also inspires all men.''' ==== Literary Ethics (1838) ==== :<small>Address to the Literary Societes of Dartmouth College (24 July 1838) </small> * '''You will hear every day the maxims of a low prudence.''' You will hear, that the first duty is to get land and money, place and name. "What is this [[Truth]] you seek? What is this [[Beauty]]?" men will ask, with derision. If, nevertheless, [[God]] have called any of you to explore truth and beauty, be bold, be firm, be true. '''When you shall say, "As others do, so will I. I renounce, I am sorry for it, my early visions; I must eat the good of the land, and let learning and romantic expectations go, until a more convenient season." — then dies the man in you; then once more perish the buds of [[art]], and [[poetry]], and [[science]], as they have died already in a thousand thousand men.''' The hour of that choice is the crisis of your history; and see that you hold yourself fast by the intellect. ... Bend to the persuasion which is flowing to you from every object in [[Nature]], to be its tongue to the heart of man, and to show the besotted world how passing fair is wisdom. * '''Explore, and explore, and explore. Be neither chided nor flattered out of your position of perpetual inquiry. Neither dogmatise yourself, nor accept another's dogmatism.''' Why should you renounce your right to traverse the star-lit deserts of truth, for the premature comforts of an acre, house, and barn? '''Truth also has its roof, and bed, and board.''' Make yourself necessary to the world, and mankind will give you bread, and if not store of it, yet such as shall not take away your property in all men's possessions, in all men's affections, in art, in nature, and in [[hope]]. * '''[[Thought]] is all [[light]], and publishes itself to the [[universe]]. It will speak, though you were dumb, by its own miraculous organ.''' It will flow out of your actions, your manners, and your face. It will bring you friendships. It will impledge you to truth by the love and expectation of generous minds. By virtue of the laws of that Nature, which is one and perfect, it shall yield every sincere good that is in the soul, to the scholar beloved of earth and heaven. === 1840s === ==== ''[[wikisource:Essays: First Series|Essays: First Series]]'' (1841) ==== * And what fastens attention, in the intercourse of life, like any passage betraying affection between two parties? Perhaps we never saw them before, and never shall meet them again. But we see them exchange a glance, or betray a deep emotion, and we are no longer strangers. We understand them, and take the warmest interest in the development of the romance. All mankind love a lover. ** ''Love'' * The ancestor of every action is a thought. ** ''Spiritual Laws'' * Heroism feels and never reasons and therefore is always right. ** ''Heroism'' * It was a high counsel that I once heard given to a young person, — "Always do what you are afraid to do." ** ''Heroism'' * All our progress is an unfolding, like the vegetable bud. You have first an instinct, then an opinion, then a knowledge, as the plant has root, bud, and fruit. Trust the instinct to the end, though you can render no reason. It is vain to hurry it. By trusting it to the end it shall ripen into truth, and you shall know why you believe. ** Intellect * Do what we can, summer will have its flies: if we walk in the woods, we must feed mosquitos: if we go a-fishing, we must expect a wet coat. ===== ''History'' ===== * '''Every revolution was first a [[thought]] in one man's mind and when the same thought occurs in another man, it is the [[key]] to that era.''' * These hints, dropped as it were from sleep and night, let us use in broad day. The student is to read history actively and not passively; to esteem his own life the text, and books the commentary. Thus compelled, the Muse of history will utter oracles, as never to those who do not respect themselves. '''I have no expectation that any man will read history aright, who thinks that what was done in a remote age, by men whose names have resounded far, has any deeper sense than what he is doing to-day.''' * '''[[Time]] dissipates to shining ether the solid angularity of [[facts]].''' * History must be this or it is nothing. Every law which the state enacts indicates a fact in human nature; that is all. We must in ourselves see the necessary reason of every fact, — see how it could and must be. * '''There is properly no history; only biography.''' * '''[[Nature]] is a mutable cloud, which is always and never the same.''' * Why should we make account of time, or of magnitude, or of figure? The [[soul]] knows how to play with them as a young child plays with graybeards and in churches. * '''It is the fault of our rhetoric that we cannot strongly state one fact without seeming to belie some other.''' * There is one mind common to all individual men. Every man is an inlet to the same and to all of the same. He that is once admitted to the right of reason is made a freeman of the whole estate. What [[Plato]] has thought, he may think; what a [[saint]] has felt, he may feel; what at any time has befallen any man, he can [[understand]]. Who hath access to this universal mind is a party to all that is or can be done, for this is the only and sovereign agent. * All that [[Shakespeare]] says of the king, yonder slip of a boy that reads in the corner feels to be true of himself. * '''The difference between men is in their principle of association.''' Some men classify objects by color and size and other accidents of appearance; others by intrinsic likeness, or by the relation of cause and effect. '''The [[progress]] of the [[intellect]] is to the clearer [[vision]] of causes, which neglects surface differences. To the [[poet]], to the [[philosopher]], to the [[saint]], [[all]] things are friendly and sacred, all events profitable, all days holy, all men divine.''' For the eye is fastened on the life, and slights the circumstance. Every chemical substance, every plant, every animal in its growth, teaches the unity of cause, the variety of appearance. * When the voice of a prophet out of the deeps of antiquity merely echoes to him a sentiment of his infancy, a prayer of his youth, he then pierces to the truth through all the confusion of tradition and the caricature of institutions. Rare, extravagant spirits come by us at intervals, who disclose to us new facts in nature. I see that men of God have, from time to time, walked among men and made their commission felt in the heart and soul of the commonest hearer. * I am ashamed to see what a shallow village tale our so-called History is. * Broader and deeper we must write our annals, from an ethical reformation, from an influx of the ever new, ever sanative conscience, if we would trulier express our central and wide-related nature, instead of this old chronology of selfishness and pride to which we have too long lent our eyes. Already that day exists for us, shines in on us at unawares, but the path of [[science]] and of letters is not the way into nature. The idiot, the Indian, the child, and unschooled farmer's boy, stand nearer to the light by which nature is to be read, than the dissector or the antiquary. =====''Self-Reliance''===== :<small>[[s:Essays: First Series/Self-Reliance|Full text online]]</small> [[File:Water drop 001.jpg|thumb|right|To believe your own thought, to believe that what is true for you in your private heart is true for all men, — that is genius.]f] [[File:Auf dem Gehrenberg 6.jpg|thumb|right|Nothing can bring you peace but yourself. Nothing can bring you peace but the triumph of principles.]] [[File:Firestorm of Star Birth in Galaxy Centaurus A.jpg|thumb|right|Whoso would be a man, must be a nonconformist. He who would gather immortal palms must not be hindered by the name of goodness, but must explore if it be goodness. Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind. ]] [[File:Rosa sp.181.jpg|thumb|right|These roses under my window make no reference to former roses or to better ones; they are for what they are; they exist with God to-day. There is no time to them. There is simply the rose; it is perfect in every moment of its existence.]] [[File:Hoag's object.jpg|thumb|right|Self-existence is the attribute of the Supreme Cause, and it constitutes the measure of good by the degree in which it enters into all lower forms. All things real are so by so much virtue as they contain.]] [[File:Pearce Solitude.jpg|thumb|What I must do is all that concerns me, not what the people think. This rule, equally arduous in actual & in intellectual life, may serve for the whole distinction between greatness & meanness. It is the harder because you will always find those who think they know what is your duty better than you know it. It is easy in the world to live after the world's opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude.]] * '''God will not have his work made manifest by cowards''' * '''I read the other day some verses written by an eminent painter which were original and not conventional. The soul always hears an admonition in such lines, let the subject be what it may.''' The sentiment they instil is of more value than any thought they may contain. '''To believe your own thought, to believe that what is true for you in your private heart is true for all men, — that is genius.''' Speak your latent conviction, and it shall be the universal sense; for the inmost in due time becomes the outmost, — and our first thought is rendered back to us by the trumpets of the Last Judgment. * A man should learn to detect and watch that gleam of light which flashes across his mind from within, more than the lustre of the firmament of bards and sages. Yet he dismisses without notice his thought, because it is his. '''In every work of genius we recognize our own rejected thoughts: they come back to us with a certain alienated majesty.''' * There is a time in every man's education when he arrives at the conviction that '''envy is ignorance'''; that '''imitation is suicide'''; that he must take himself for better, for worse, as his portion; that though the wide universe is full of good, no kernel of nourishing corn can come to him but though his toil bestowed on that plot of ground which is given to him to till. * '''We but half express ourselves, and are ashamed of that divine idea which each of us represents.''' * '''Trust thyself: every heart vibrates to that iron string.''' Accept the place the divine providence has found for you, the society of your contemporaries, the connection of events. Great men have always done so. * '''Society everywhere is in conspiracy against the manhood of every one of its members.''' Society is a joint-stock company, in which the members agree, for the better securing of his bread to each shareholder, to surrender the liberty and culture of the eater. '''The virtue in most request is conformity. Self-reliance is its aversion. It loves not realities and creators, but names and customs.''' *It is easy in the world to live after the world's opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude. * '''Whoso would be a man, must be a nonconformist. He who would gather immortal palms must not be hindered by the name of goodness, but must explore if it be goodness. Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind.''' Absolve you to yourself, and you shall have the suffrage of the world. * '''Truth is handsomer than the affectation of love. Your goodness must have some edge to it, — else it is none.''' The doctrine of hatred must be preached as the counteraction of the doctrine of love when that pules and whines. I shun father and mother and wife and brother, when my genius calls me. I would write on the lintels of the door-post, ''Whim''. I hope it is somewhat better than whim at last, but we cannot spend the day in explanation. Expect me not to show cause why I seek or why I exclude company. * Virtues are, in the popular estimate, rather the exception than the rule. There is the man and his virtues. Men do what is called a good action, as some piece of courage or charity, much as they would pay a fine in expiation of daily non-appearance on parade. Their works are done as an apology or extenuation of their living in the world, — as invalids and the insane pay a high board. Their virtues are penances. I do not wish to expiate, but to live. My life is for itself and not for a spectacle. * Ordinarily, every body in society reminds us of somewhat else, or of some other person. Character, reality, reminds you of nothing else; it takes place of the whole creation. The man must be so much, that he must make all circumstances indifferent. Every true man is a cause, a country, and an age; requires infinite spaces and numbers and time fully to accomplish his design; — and posterity seem to follow his steps as a train of clients. A man Caesar is born, and for ages after we have a Roman Empire. Christ is born, and millions of minds so grow and cleave to his genius, that he is confounded with virtue and the possible of man. An institution is the lengthened shadow of one man ... and all history resolves itself very easily into the biography of a few stout and earnest persons. * '''A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines. With consistency a great soul has simply nothing to do. He may as well concern himself with his shadow on the wall. Speak what you think now in hard words, and to-morrow speak what to-morrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradict every thing you said to-day. — 'Ah, so you shall be sure to be misunderstood.' — Is it so bad, then, to be misunderstood? [[Pythagoras]] was misunderstood, and [[Socrates]], and [[Jesus]], and [[Martin Luther|Luther]], and [[Nicolaus Copernicus|Copernicus]], and [[Galileo Galilei|Galileo]], and [[Isaac Newton|Newton]], and every pure and wise spirit that ever took flesh. To be great is to be misunderstood.''' * In this pleasing contrite wood-life which God allows me, let me record day by day my honest thought without prospect or retrospect, and, I cannot doubt it, it will be found symmetrical, though I mean it not and see it not. '''My book should smell of pines and resound with the hum of insects.''' * '''These roses under my window make no reference to former roses or to better ones; they are for what they are; they exist with God to-day. There is no time to them. There is simply the rose; it is perfect in every moment of its existence.''' Before a leaf-bud has burst, its whole life acts; in the full-blown flower there is no more; in the leafless root there is no less. Its nature is satisfied, and it satisfies nature, in all moments alike. But man postpones or remembers; he does not live in the present, but with reverted eye laments the past, or, heedless of the riches that surround him, stands on tiptoe to foresee the future. He cannot be happy and strong until he too lives with nature in the present, above time. <br /> This should be plain enough. Yet see what strong intellects dare not yet hear God himself, unless he speak the phraseology of I know not what [[w:David|David]], or [[w:Jeremiah|Jeremiah]], or [[Paul of Tarsus|Paul]]. We shall not always set so great a price on a few texts, on a few lives. We are like children who repeat by rote the sentences of grandames and tutors, and, as they grow older, of the men of talents and character they chance to see, —painfully recollecting the exact words they spoke; afterwards, when they come into the point of view which those had who uttered these sayings, they understand them, and are willing to let the words go; for, at any time, they can use words as good when occasion comes. If we live truly, we shall see truly. It is as easy for the strong man to be strong, as it is for the weak to be weak. When we have new perception, we shall gladly disburden the memory of its hoarded treasures as old rubbish. When a man lives with God, his voice shall be as sweet as the murmur of the brook and the rustle of the corn. * '''You take the way from man, not to man. All persons that ever existed are its forgotten ministers.''' Fear and hope are alike beneath it. There is somewhat low even in hope. In the hour of vision, there is nothing that can be called gratitude, nor properly joy. The soul raised over passion beholds identity and eternal causation, perceives the self-existence of Truth and Right, and calms itself with knowing that all things go well. * '''Life only avails, not the having lived.''' Power ceases in the instant of repose; it resides in the moment of transition from a past to a new state, in the shooting of the gulf, in the darting to an aim. * '''Inasmuch as the soul is present, there will be power not confident but agent.''' To talk of reliance is a poor external way of speaking. Speak rather of that which relies, because it works and is. Who has more obedience than I masters me, though he should not raise his finger. Round him I must revolve by the gravitation of spirits. '''We fancy it rhetoric, when we speak of eminent virtue. We do not yet see that virtue is Height, and that a man or a company of men, plastic and permeable to principles, by the law of nature must overpower and ride all cities, nations, kings, rich men, poets, who are not.''' <br /> This is the ultimate fact which we so quickly reach on this, as on every topic, the resolution of all into the ever-blessed ONE. '''Self-existence is the attribute of the Supreme Cause, and it constitutes the measure of good by the degree in which it enters into all lower forms. All things real are so by so much virtue as they contain.''' * Power is in nature the essential measure of right. Nature suffers nothing to remain in her kingdoms which cannot help itself. The genesis and maturation of a planet, its poise and orbit, the bended tree recovering itself from the strong wind, the vital resources of every animal and vegetable, are demonstrations of the self-sufficing, and therefore self-relying soul. * But now we are a mob. Man does not stand in awe of man, nor is his genius admonished to stay at home, to put itself in communication with the internal ocean, but it goes abroad to beg a cup of water of the urns of other men. We must go alone. '''I like the silent church before the service begins, better than any preaching.''' * '''Discontent is the want of self-reliance: it is infirmity of will.''' * It may be a question whether machinery does not encumber; whether we have not lost by refinement some energy, by a Christianity entrenched in establishments and forms, some vigor of wild virtue. For every Stoic was a Stoic; but in Christendom where is the Christian? * '''Travelling<!-- [sic] --> is a fool's paradise. Our first journeys discover to us the indifference of places.''' At home I dream that at Naples, at Rome, I can be intoxicated with beauty, and lose my sadness. I pack my trunk, embrace my friends, embark on the sea, and at last wake up in Naples, and there beside me is the stern fact, the sad self, unrelenting, identical, that I fled from. I seek the Vatican, and the palaces. I affect to be intoxicated with sights and suggestions, but I am not intoxicated. My giant goes with me wherever I go. * '''Your genuine action will explain itself, and will explain your other genuine actions. Your conformity explains nothing.''' Act singly, and what you have already done singly will justify you now. Greatness appeals to the future. If I can be firm enough to-day to do right, and scorn eyes, I must have done so much right before as to defend me now. '''Be it how it will, do right now. Always scorn appearances, and you always may. The force of character is cumulative.''' * '''Character teaches above our wills.''' Men imagine that they communicate their virtue or vice only by overt actions, and do not see that virtue or vice emit a breath every moment. <br /> '''There will be an agreement in whatever variety of actions, so they be each honest and natural in their hour. For of one will, the actions will be harmonious, however unlike they seem.''' These varieties are lost sight of at a little distance, at a little height of thought. One tendency unites them all. '''The voyage of the best ship is a zigzag line of a hundred tacks.''' See the line from a sufficient distance, and it straightens itself to the average tendency. * '''Henceforward I am the truth's. Be it known unto you that henceforward I obey no law less than the eternal law. I will have no covenants but proximities.''' * '''I must be myself. I cannot break myself any longer for you, or you. If you can love me for what I am, we shall be the happier. If you cannot, I will still seek to deserve that you should. I will not hide my tastes or aversions.''' I will so trust that what is deep is holy, that I will do strongly before the sun and moon whatever inly rejoices me, and the heart appoints. '''If you are noble, I will love you; if you are not, I will not hurt you and myself by hypocritical attentions.''' If you are true, but not in the same truth with me, cleave to your companions; I will seek my own. '''I do this not selfishly, but humbly and truly. It is alike your interest, and mine, and all men's, however long we have dwelt in lies, to live in truth.''' Does this sound harsh to-day? You will soon love what is dictated by your nature as well as mine, and, if we follow the truth, it will bring us out safe at last. * '''In the Will work and acquire, and thou hast chained the wheel of Chance, and shalt sit hereafter out of fear from her rotations.''' A political victory, a rise of rents, the recovery of your sick, or the return of your absent friend, or some other favorable event, raises your spirits, and you think good days are preparing for you. Do not believe it. '''Nothing can bring you peace but yourself. Nothing can bring you peace but the triumph of principles.''' ===== ''Compensation'' ===== :<small>[[s:Essays: First Series/Compensation|Full text online at Wikisource]] </small> * '''I think that our popular [[theology]] has gained in decorum, and not in [[principle]], over the [[superstitions]] it has displaced. But men are better than this theology.''' Their daily life gives it the lie. Every ingenuous and aspiring [[soul]] leaves the doctrine behind him in his own [[experience]]; and '''all men feel sometimes the falsehood which they cannot demonstrate. For men are wiser than they know.''' That which they hear in schools and pulpits without after-thought, if said in conversation, would probably be questioned in silence. If a man dogmatize in a mixed company on Providence and the divine laws, he is answered by a silence which conveys well enough to an observer the dissatisfaction of the hearer, but his incapacity to make his own statement. ** A statement in this passage is sometimes paraphrased: "'''Men are better than their theology.'''" * '''Every excess causes a defect; every defect an excess. Every sweet hath its sour; every evil its good.''' Every faculty which is a receiver of pleasure has an equal penalty put on its abuse. It is to answer for its moderation with its life. For every grain of wit there is a grain of folly. For every thing you have missed, you have gained something else; and for every thing you gain, you lose something. If riches increase, they are increased that use them. If the gatherer gathers too much, nature takes out of the man what she puts into his chest; swells the estate, but kills the owner. Nature hates monopolies and exceptions. * '''The [[universe]] is represented in every one of its particles. Every thing in nature contains all the powers of nature.''' Every thing is made of one hidden stuff; as the naturalist sees one type under every metamorphosis, and regards a horse as a running man, a fish as a swimming man, a bird as a flying man, a tree as a rooted man. Each new form repeats not only the main character of the type, but part for part all the details, all the aims, furtherances, hindrances, energies, and whole system of every other. Every occupation, trade, art, transaction, is a compend of the world, and a correlative of every other. Each one is an entire emblem of human life; of its good and ill, its trials, its enemies, its course and its end. And each one must somehow accommodate the whole man, and recite all his destiny. <br /> '''The world globes itself in a drop of dew.''' * [[Human]] [[labor]], through all its forms, from the sharpening of a stake to the construction of a city or an epic, is one immense illustration of the perfect compensation of the universe. The absolute balance of Give and Take, the doctrine that every thing has its price, — and if that price is not paid, not that thing but something else is obtained, and that it is impossible to get any thing without its price, — is not less sublime in the columns of a leger than in the budgets of states, in the laws of light and darkness, in all the action and reaction of nature. I cannot doubt that the high laws which each man sees implicated in those processes with which he is conversant, the stern ethics which sparkle on his chisel-edge, which are measured out by his plumb and foot-rule, which stand as manifest in the footing of the shop-bill as in the history of a state, — do recommend to him his trade, and though seldom named, exalt his business to his imagination. * '''The league between [[virtue]] and [[nature]] engages all things to assume a hostile front to vice.''' The beautiful laws and substances of the world persecute and whip the traitor. He finds that things are arranged for truth and benefit, but '''there is no den in the wide world to hide a rogue. Commit a crime, and the earth is made of glass.''' Commit a crime, and it seems as if a coat of snow fell on the ground, such as reveals in the woods the track of every partridge and fox and squirrel and mole. You cannot recall the spoken word, you cannot wipe out the foot-track, you cannot draw up the ladder, so as to leave no inlet or clew. Some damning circumstance always transpires. The laws and substances of nature — water, snow, wind, gravitation — become penalties to the thief. <br /> '''On the other hand, the law holds with equal sureness for all right action. Love, and you shall be loved.''' All love is mathematically just, as much as the two sides of an algebraic equation. The good man has absolute good, which like fire turns every thing to its own nature, so that you cannot do him any harm; but as the royal armies sent against Napoleon, when he approached, cast down their colors and from enemies became friends, so disasters of all kinds, as sickness, offence, poverty, prove benefactors: — :::"Winds blow and waters roll <br /> Strength to the brave, and power and deity, <br /> Yet in themselves are nothing." : '''The good are befriended even by weakness and defect.''' As no man had ever a point of pride that was not injurious to him, so no man had ever a defect that was not somewhere made useful to him. * '''Our strength grows out of our weakness.''' The indignation which arms itself with secret forces does not awaken until we are pricked and stung and sorely assailed.''' A great man is always willing to be little.''' Whilst he sits on the cushion of advantages, he goes to sleep. When he is pushed, tormented, defeated, he has a chance to learn something; he has been put on his wits, on his manhood; he has gained facts; learns his ignorance; is cured of the insanity of conceit; has got moderation and real skill. The wise man throws himself on the side of his assailants. It is more his interest than it is theirs to find his weak point. The wound cicatrizes and falls off from him like a dead skin, and when they would triumph, lo! he has passed on invulnerable. Blame is safer than praise. I hate to be defended in a newspaper. As long as all that is said is said against me, I feel a certain assurance of success. But as soon as honeyed words of praise are spoken for me, I feel as one that lies unprotected before his enemies. '''In general, every evil to which we do not succumb is a benefactor.''' * '''Men suffer all their life long, under the foolish superstition that they can be cheated. But it is as impossible for a man to be cheated by any one but himself, as for a thing to be and not to be at the same time.''' There is a third silent party to all our bargains. The nature and soul of things takes on itself the guaranty of the fulfilment of every contract, so that honest service cannot come to loss. If you serve an ungrateful master, serve him the more. Put God in your debt. Every stroke shall be repaid. The longer the payment is withholden, the better for you; for compound interest on compound interest is the rate and usage of this exchequer. <br /> '''The history of persecution is a history of endeavours to cheat nature, to make water run up hill, to twist a rope of sand. It makes no difference whether the actors be many or one, a [[tyrant]] or a [[mob]].''' A mob is a society of bodies voluntarily bereaving themselves of reason, and traversing its work. The mob is man voluntarily descending to the nature of the beast. Its fit hour of activity is night. Its actions are insane like its whole constitution. It persecutes a principle; it would whip a right; it would tar and feather justice, by inflicting fire and outrage upon the houses and persons of those who have these. It resembles the prank of boys, who run with fire-engines to put out the ruddy aurora streaming to the stars. '''The inviolate spirit turns their spite against the wrongdoers. The martyr cannot be dishonored.''' Every lash inflicted is a tongue of fame; every prison, a more illustrious abode; every burned book or house enlightens the world; every suppressed or expunged word reverberates through the earth from side to side. '''Hours of sanity and consideration are always arriving to communities, as to individuals, when the truth is seen, and the martyrs are justified.''' <br /> Thus do all things preach the indifferency of circumstances. The man is all. Every thing has two sides, a good and an evil. Every advantage has its tax. I learn to be content. '''But the doctrine of compensation is not the doctrine of indifferency.''' The thoughtless say, on hearing these representations, — What boots it to do well? there is one event to good and evil; if I gain any good, I must pay for it; if I lose any good, I gain some other; all actions are indifferent. <br /> '''There is a deeper fact in the soul than compensation, to wit, its own nature.''' The soul is not a compensation, but a life. '''The soul ''is''.''' Under all this running sea of circumstance, whose waters ebb and flow with perfect balance, lies the aboriginal abyss of real Being. Essence, or God, is not a relation, or a part, but the whole. Being is the vast affirmative, excluding negation, self-balanced, and swallowing up all relations, parts, and times within itself. Nature, truth, virtue, are the influx from thence. Vice is the absence or departure of the same. * We feel defrauded of the retribution due to evil acts, because the criminal adheres to his vice and contumacy, and does not come to a crisis or judgment anywhere in visible nature. There is no stunning confutation of his nonsense before men and angels. '''Has he therefore outwitted the [[law]]? Inasmuch as he carries the malignity and the lie with him, he so far deceases from nature.''' In some manner there will be a demonstration of the wrong to the understanding also; but should we not see it, this deadly deduction makes square the eternal account. <br /> '''Neither can it be said, on the other hand, that the gain of [[rectitude]] must be bought by any loss. There is no penalty to [[virtue]]; no penalty to wisdom; they are proper additions of being. '''In a virtuous action, I properly ''am''; in a virtuous act, I add to the world; I plant into deserts conquered from Chaos and Nothing, and see the [[darkness]] receding on the limits of the horizon. There can be no excess to [[love]]; none to [[knowledge]]; none to [[beauty]], when these attributes are considered in the [[purest]] sense. '''The [[soul]] refuses limits, and always affirms an [[Optimism]], never a [[Pessimism]].''' <br /> His life is a progress, and not a station. His instinct is trust. '''Our [[instinct]] uses "more" and "less" in application to man, of the ''presence of the soul'', and not of its absence; the brave man is greater than the coward; the true, the benevolent, the wise, is more a man, and not less, than the fool and [[knave]].''' There is no tax on the good of virtue; for that is the incoming of [[God]] himself, or absolute existence, without any comparative. Material good has its tax, and if it came without desert or sweat, has no root in me, and the next wind will blow it away. '''But all the good of nature is the soul's, and may be had, if paid for in nature's lawful coin, that is, by labor which the heart and the head allow.''' I no longer wish to meet a good I do not earn, for example, to find a pot of buried gold, knowing that it brings with it new burdens. '''I do not wish more external goods, — neither possessions, nor honors, nor powers, nor persons.''' The gain is apparent; the tax is certain. But there is no tax on the knowledge that the compensation exists, and that it is not desirable to dig up treasure. '''Herein I rejoice with a serene eternal peace. I contract the boundaries of possible mischief. I learn the wisdom of [[St. Bernard]], — "Nothing can work me damage except myself; the harm that I sustain I carry about with me, and never am a real sufferer but by my own fault."''' ===== ''Friendship'' ===== * I awoke this morning with devout thanksgiving for my friends, the old and the new. * Thou art to me a delicious torment. * '''The only way to have a friend is to be one.''' * Almost all people descend to meet. * Happy is the house that shelters a friend! * A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him I may think aloud. * A friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature. * Two may talk and one may hear, but three cannot take part in a conversation of the most sincere and searching sort. * The only reward of virtue is virtue; the only way to have a friend is to be one. * I do then with my friends as I do with my books. I would have them where I can find them, but I seldom use them. * My friends have come to me unsought. The great God gave them to me. By oldest right, by the divine affinity of virtue with itself, I find them, or rather not I, but the Deity in me and in them derides and cancels the thick walls of individual character, relation, age, sex, circumstance, at which he usually connives, and now makes many one. ===== ''Prudence'' ===== * In skating over thin ice our safety is in our speed. * Trust men and they will be true to you; treat them greatly, and they will show themselves great. * Tomorrow will be like today. Life wastes itself whilst we are preparing to live. * '''Every violation of truth is not only a sort of suicide in the liar, but is a stab at the health of human society.''' ===== ''Circles'' ===== [[File:The Golden Bough - by Jeroen van Valkenburg.PNG|thumb|right|Valor consists in the power of self-recovery.]] * '''[[Valor]] consists in the power of self-recovery,''' so that a man cannot have his flank turned, cannot be out-generalled, but put him where you will, he stands. * Beware when the great God lets loose a thinker on this planet. * One man's justice is another's injustice; one man's beauty another's ugliness; one man's wisdom another's folly. * Nature abhors the old, and old age seems the only disease; all others run into this one. * People wish to be settled; only as far as they are unsettled is there any hope for them. * Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm. * Circles, like the soul, are neverending and turn round and round without a stop ** This adage had previously appeared, identically worded, in [[w:Samuel Taylor Coleridge|Coleridge's]] ''The Statesman's Manual'' (1816) * But lest I should mislead any when I have my own head and obey my whims, let me remind the reader that I am only an [[experimenter]] ... I unsettle all things. No facts are to me [[sacred]]; none are [[profane]]; I simply experiment, an endless seeker with no Past at my back. ===== ''Art'' ===== * '''Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing.''' * '''Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us, or we find it not.''' The best of beauty is a finer charm than skill in surfaces, in outlines, or rules of art can ever teach, namely, a radiation from the work of art of human character, — a wonderful expression through stone, or canvas, or musical sound, of the deepest and simplest attributes of our nature, and therefore most intelligible at last to those souls which have these attributes. * '''Beauty will not come at the call of a legislature''', nor will it repeat in England or America its history in Greece. It will come, as always, unannounced, and spring up between the feet of brave and earnest men. ==== The Conservative (1841) ==== [[File:Eternal Life Galaxy.jpg|thumb|Whosoever hereafter shall name my [[name]], shall not record a malefactor, but a [[benefactor]] in the [[earth]]. If there be [[power]] in [[good]] [[intention]], in [[fidelity]], and in toil, the north wind shall be purer, the [[stars]] in [[heaven]] shall glow with a kindlier beam, that I have [[lived]]. I am primarily engaged to myself to be a public [[servant]] of [[all]] the [[gods]], to demonstrate to all men that there is [[intelligence]] and [[good will]] at the [[heart]] of things, and ever higher and yet higher leadings]] :<small>A Lecture read at the Masonic Temple, Boston (9 December 1841) · [http://www.bartleby.com/90/0108.html Full text online at Bartleby] </small> * '''The two parties which divide the state, the party of Conservatism and that of Innovation, are very old, and have disputed the possession of the world ever since it was made.''' This quarrel is the subject of civil history. The conservative party established the reverend hierarchies and monarchies of the most ancient world. The battle of patrician and plebeian, of parent state and colony, of old usage and accommodation to new facts, of the rich and the poor, reappears in all countries and times. The war rages not only in battle-fields, in national councils and ecclesiastical synods, but agitates every man's bosom with opposing advantages every hour. On rolls the old world meantime, and now one, now the other gets the day, and still the fight renews itself as if for the first time, under new names and hot personalities. <br /> '''Such an irreconcilable antagonism of course must have a correspondent depth of seat in the human constitution. It is the opposition of Past and Future, of Memory and Hope, of the Understanding and the Reason. It is the primal antagonism, the appearance in trifles of the two poles of nature.''' * '''It will never make any difference to a [[hero]] what the [[laws]] are. His [[greatness]] will shine and accomplish itself unto the end, whether they second him or not.''' If he have earned his bread by drudgery, and in the narrow and crooked ways which were all an [[evil]] law had left him, he will make it at least honorable by his expenditure. Of the [[past]] he will take no heed; for its [[wrongs]] he will not hold himself responsible: he will say, '''All the meanness of my progenitors shall not bereave me of the [[power]] to make this hour and company [[fair]] and [[fortunate]]. Whatsoever streams of power and commodity flow to me, shall of me acquire [[healing]] [[virtue]], and become fountains of [[safety]].''' Cannot I too descend a [[Redeemer]] into [[nature]]? '''Whosoever hereafter shall name my [[name]], shall not record a malefactor, but a [[benefactor]] in the [[earth]].''' If there be [[power]] in [[good]] [[intention]], in [[fidelity]], and in toil, the north wind shall be purer, the [[stars]] in [[heaven]] shall glow with a kindlier beam, that I have [[lived]]. I am primarily engaged to myself to be a public [[servant]] of [[all]] the [[gods]], to demonstrate to all men that there is [[intelligence]] and [[good will]] at the [[heart]] of things, and ever higher and yet higher leadings. These are my engagements; how can your law further or hinder me in what I shall do to men? On the other hand, these dispositions establish their relations to me. Wherever there is [[worth]], I shall be greeted. Wherever there are men, are the objects of my [[study]] and [[love]]. Sooner of later all men will be my [[friends]], and will testify in all [[methods]] the [[energy]] of their regard. '''I cannot thank your law for my [[protection]]. I protect it. It is not in its power to protect me.''' It is my [[business]] to make myself revered. I depend on my [[honor]], my [[labor]], and my dispositions for my place in the affections of [[mankind]], and not on any [[conventions]] or parchments of yours. * That which is best about conservatism, that which, though it cannot be expressed in detail, inspires reverence in all, is the [[Inevitable]]. ==== ''[[wikisource:Essays: Second Series|Essays: Second Series]]'' (1844) ==== <small>([http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/2945 Full text online, multiple formats])</small> ===== ''The Poet'' ===== * For it is not metres, but a metre-making argument, that makes a poem, — a thought so passionate and alive, that, like the spirit of a plant or an animal, it has an architecture of its own, and adorns nature with a new thing. * We are [[symbols]], and inhabit symbols. * [[Language]] is the archives of [[history]] ... Language is fossil [[poetry]]. * Those who are esteemed umpires of taste are often persons who have acquired some knowledge of admired pictures or sculptures, and have an inclination for whatever is elegant; but if you inquire whether they are beautiful souls, and whether their own acts are like fair pictures, you learn that they are selfish and sensual. * For poetry was all written before time was, and whenever we are so finely organized that we can penetrate into that region where the air is music, we hear those primal warblings, and attempt to write them down, but we lose ever and anon a word, or a verse, and substitute something of our own, and thus miswrite the poem. The men of more delicate ear write down these cadences more faithfully, and these transcripts, though imperfect, become the songs of the nations. For nature is as truly beautiful as it is good, or as it is reasonable, and must as much appear, as it must be done, or be known. Words and deeds are quite indifferent modes of the divine energy. Words are also actions, and actions are a kind of words. ===== ''Experience'' ===== [[File:CarmelScene.jpg|thumb|right|To finish the moment, to find the journey's end in every step of the road, to live the greatest number of good hours, is [[wisdom]].]] * Every ship is a romantic object, except that we sail in. * The Indian who was laid under a curse, that the wind should not blow on him, nor water flow to him, nor fire burn him, is a type of us all. The dearest events are summer-rain, and we the Para coats that shed every drop. Nothing is left us now but death. We look to that with a grim satisfaction, saying, there at least is reality that will not dodge us. * '''To finish the moment, to find the journey's end in every step of the road, to live the greatest number of good hours, is [[wisdom]].''' * '''We do what we must, and call it by the best names we can.''' * We live amid surfaces, and the true art of life is to skate well on them. * A man is a golden impossibility. The line he must walk is a hair's breadth. The wise through excess of wisdom is made a fool. * Nature and books belong to the eyes that see them. * The years teach much which the days never know. * Of what use is genius, if the organ is too convex or too concave and cannot find a focal distance within the actual horizon of human life? * Do you see that kitten chasing so prettily her own tail? If you could look with her eyes, you might see her surrounded with hundreds of figures performing complex dramas, with tragic and comic issues, long conversations, many characters, many ups and downs of fate, — and meantime it is only puss and her tail. How long before our masquerade will end its noise of tambourines, laughter, and shouting, and we shall find it was a solitary performance? * I know that the world I converse with in the city and in the farms, is not the world I think. I observe that difference, and shall observe it. One day I shall know the value and law of this discrepance. But I have not found that much was gained by manipular attempts to realize the world of thought. * '''[[Dream]] delivers us to dream, and there is no end to illusion.''' [[Life]] is a train of moods like a string of beads, and, as we pass through them, they prove to be many-colored lenses which paint the world their own hue, and each shows only what lies in its focus. ===== ''Gifts'' ===== *It is said that the world is in a state of bankruptcy; that the world owes the world more than the world can pay, and ought to go into chancery and be sold. I do not think this general insolvency, which involves in some sort all the population, to be the reason of the difficulty experienced at Christmas and New Year and other times, in bestowing gifts; since it is always so pleasant to be generous, though very vexatious to pay debts. But the impediment lies in the choosing. If at any time it comes into my head that a present is due from me to somebody, I am puzzled what to give, until the opportunity is gone. Flowers and fruits are always fit presents; flowers, because they are a proud assertion that a ray of beauty outvalues all the utilities of the world. These gay natures contrast with the somewhat stern countenance of ordinary nature: they are like music heard out of a work-house. * The only gift is a portion of thyself. ===== ''Nature'' ===== *There are days which occur in this climate, at almost any season of the year, wherein the world reaches its perfection; when the air, the heavenly bodies and the earth, make a harmony, as if nature would indulge her offspring; when, in these bleak upper sides of the planet, nothing is to desire that we have heard of the happiest latitudes, and we bask in the shining hours of Florida and Cuba; when everything that has life gives sign of satisfaction, and the cattle that lie on the ground seem to have great and tranquil thoughts. * Let us draw a lesson from nature, which always works by short ways. When the fruit is ripe, it falls. * Nature is always consistent, though she feigns to contravene her own laws. She keeps her laws, and seems to transcend them. She arms and equips an animal to find its place and living in the earth, and at the same time she arms and equips another animal to destroy it. * '''Place yourself in the middle of the stream of power and wisdom which animates all whom it floats, and you are without effort impelled to truth, to right and a perfect contentment.''' ===== ''Politics'' ===== *In dealing with the State we ought to remember that its institution are not aboriginal, though they existed before we were born; that they are not superior to the citizen; that every one of them was once the act of a single man; every law and usage was a man's expedient to meet a particular case; that '''they all are imitable, all alterable; we may make as good, we may make better.''' * Every actual State is corrupt. Good men must not obey the laws too well. What satire on government can equal the severity of censure conveyed in the word ''Politic'', which now for ages has signified ''cunning'', intimating that the State is a trick? *The less [[government]] we have, the better, — the fewer laws, and the less confided [[power]]. The antidote to this abuse of formal Government, is, the influence of private character, the growth of the Individual. *We think our civilization near its meridian, but we are yet only at the cock-crowing and the morning star. In our barbarous society the influence of character is in its infancy. As a political power, as the rightful lord who is to tumble all rulers from their chairs, its presence is hardly yet suspected *We live in a very low state of the world, and pay unwilling tribute to governments founded on [[force]]. There is not, among the most religious and instructed men of the most religious and civil nations, a reliance on the moral sentiment and a sufficient belief in the unity of things, to persuade them that society can be maintained without artificial restraints... or that the private citizen might be reasonable and a good neighbor, without the hint of a jail or a confiscation. ===== ''Nominalist and Realist'' ===== [[File:Kürbisse 3082-1.jpg|thumb|We have such exorbitant [[eyes]], that on seeing the smallest arc, we [[complete]] the curve, and when the curtain is lifted from the diagram which it seemed to veil, we are vexed to find that no more was drawn, than just that fragment of an arc which we first beheld.]] :<small>[[s:Essays: Second Series/Nominalist and Realist|Full text online at Wikisource]] </small> [[File:Pumpkins.jpg|thumb|We [[fancy]] men are individuals; so are [[pumpkins]]; but every pumpkin in the field, goes through every point of pumpkin [[history]].]] * '''I cannot often enough say, that a man is only a relative and representative nature. Each is a hint of the [[truth]], but far enough from being that truth, which yet he quite newly and inevitably suggests to us.''' If I seek it in him, I shall not find it. Could any man conduct into me the pure stream of that which he pretends to be! Long afterwards, I find that quality elsewhere which he promised me. * <!-- The genius of the Platonists, is intoxicating to the student, yet how few particulars of it can I detach from all their books. --> '''The man momentarily stands for the thought, but will not bear examination; and a society of men will cursorily represent well enough a certain quality and culture, for example, chivalry or beauty of manners, but separate them, and there is no gentleman and no lady in the group. The least hint sets us on the pursuit of a character, which no man realizes.''' * We have such exorbitant eyes, that on seeing the smallest arc, we complete the curve, and when the curtain is lifted from the diagram which it seemed to veil, we are vexed to find that no more was drawn, than just that fragment of an arc which we first beheld. '''We are greatly too liberal in our construction of each other's faculty and promise.''' Exactly what the parties have already done, they shall do again; but that which we inferred from their nature and inception, they will not do. That is in nature, but not in them. * '''That happens in the world, which we often witness in a public debate. Each of the speakers expresses himself imperfectly: no one of them hears much that another says, such is the preoccupation of mind of each; and the audience, who have only to hear and not to speak, judge very wisely and superiorly how wrongheaded and unskilful is each of the debaters to his own affair.''' Great men or men of great gifts you shall easily find, but symmetrical men never. When I meet a pure intellectual force, or a generosity of affection, I believe, here then is man; and am presently mortified by the discovery, that this individual is no more available to his own or to the general ends, than his companions; because the power which drew my respect, is not supported by the total symphony of his talents. * '''All persons exist to society by some shining trait of beauty or utility, which they have.''' We borrow the proportions of the man from that one fine feature, and finish the portrait symmetrically; which is false; for the rest of his body is small or deformed. I observe a person who makes a good public appearance, and conclude thence the perfection of his private character, on which this is based; but he has no private character. He is a graceful cloak or lay-figure for holidays. '''All our poets, heroes, and saints, fail utterly in some one or in many parts to satisfy our idea, fail to draw our spontaneous interest, and so leave us without any hope of realization but in our own future.''' Our exaggeration of all fine characters arises from the fact, that we identify each in turn with the soul. But there are no such men as we fable; no [[Jesus]], nor [[Pericles]], nor [[Caesar]], nor [[Michelangelo|Angelo]], nor [[George Washington|Washington]], such as we have made. We consecrate a great deal of nonsense, because it was allowed by great men. There is none without his foible. '''I verily believe if an angel should come to chant the chorus of the moral law, he would eat too much gingerbread, or take liberties with private letters, or do some precious atrocity.'''<!-- It is bad enough, that our geniuses cannot do anything useful, but it is worse that no man is fit for society, who has fine traits. He is admired at a distance, but he cannot come near without appearing a cripple. The men of fine parts protect themselves by solitude, or by courtesy, or by satire, or by an acid worldly manner, each concealing, as he best can, his incapacity for useful association, but they want either love or self-reliance. --> * Our native love of reality joins with this experience to teach us a little reserve, and to dissuade a too sudden surrender to the brilliant qualities of persons. '''Young people admire talents or particular excellences; as we grow older, we value total powers and effects, as, the impression, the quality, the spirit of men and things. The genius is all. The man, — it is his system: we do not try a solitary word or act, but his habit.''' The acts which you praise, I praise not, since they are departures from his faith, and are mere compliances. The magnetism which arranges tribes and races in one polarity, is alone to be respected; the men are steel-filings.<!-- Yet we unjustly select a particle, and say, 'O steel-filing number one! what heart-drawings I feel to thee! what prodigious virtues are these of thine! how constitutional to thee, and incommunicable.' Whilst we speak, the loadstone is withdrawn; down falls our filing in a heap with the rest, and we continue our mummery to the wretched shaving. Let us go for universals; for the magnetism, not for the needles. Human [[life]] and its persons are poor empirical pretensions. A personal influence is an ''ignis fatuus''. If they say, it is great, it is great; if they say, it is small, it is small; you see it, and you see it not, by turns; it borrows all its size from the momentary estimation of the speakers: the Will-of-the-wisp vanishes, if you go too near, vanishes if you go too far, and only blazes at one angle. Who can tell if Washington be a great man, or no? Who can tell if Franklin be? Yes, or any but the twelve, or six, or three great gods of fame? And they, too, loom and fade before the eternal. --> * We are amphibious creatures, weaponed for two elements, having two sets of faculties, the particular and the catholic. We adjust our instrument for general observation, and sweep the heavens as easily as we pick out a single figure in the terrestrial landscape. We are practically skilful in detecting elements, for which we have no place in our theory, and no name. Thus we are very sensible of an atmospheric influence in men and in bodies of men, not accounted for in an arithmetical addition of all their measurable properties. '''There is a genius of a nation, which is not to be found in the numerical citizens, but which characterizes the society.''' England, strong, punctual, practical, well-spoken England, I should not find, if I should go to the island to seek it. In the parliament, in the playhouse, at dinner-tables, I might see a great number of rich, ignorant, book-read, conventional, proud men, — many old women, — and not anywhere the Englishman who made the good speeches, combined the accurate engines, and did the bold and nervous deeds. It is even worse in America, where, from the intellectual quickness of the race, the genius of the country is more splendid in its promise, and more slight in its performance. * '''In the famous dispute with the [[w:Nominalism|Nominalists]], the [[w:Realism|Realists]] had a good deal of [[reason]]. General [[ideas]] are [[essences]]. They are our [[gods]]: they round and ennoble the most partial and sordid way of living. Our proclivity to details cannot quite degrade our life, and divest it of [[poetry]].''' The day-laborer is reckoned as standing at the foot of the social scale, yet he is saturated with the laws of the world. His measures are the hours; morning and night, solstice and equinox, geometry, astronomy, and all the lovely accidents of nature play through his mind. [[Money]], which represents the prose of life, and which is hardly spoken of in parlors without an apology, is, in its effects and laws, as beautiful as roses. Property keeps the accounts of the world, and is always moral. The property will be found where the labor, the wisdom, and the virtue have been in nations, in classes, and (the whole life-time considered, with the compensations) in the individual also. How wise the world appears, when the laws and usages of nations are largely detailed, and the completeness of the municipal system is considered! Nothing is left out. * '''Why have only two or three ways of life, and not thousands? Every man is wanted, and no man is wanted much.''' * '''If we cannot make voluntary and conscious steps in the admirable science of universals, let us see the parts wisely, and infer the genius of nature from the best particulars with a becoming charity.''' What is best in each kind is an index of what should be the average of that thing. '''Love shows me the opulence of nature, by disclosing to me in my friend a hidden wealth, and I infer an equal depth of good in every other direction.''' It is commonly said by farmers that a good pear or apple costs no more time or pains to rear than a poor one; so I would have no work of art, no speech, or action, or thought, or friend, but the best. * The end and the means, the gamester and the game, — life is made up of the intermixture and reaction of these two amicable powers, whose marriage appears beforehand monstrous, as each denies and tends to abolish the other. We must reconcile the contradictions as we can, but their discord and their concord introduce wild absurdities into our thinking and speech. '''No sentence will hold the whole truth, and the only way in which we can be just, is by giving ourselves the lie; Speech is better than silence; silence is better than speech; — All things are in contact; every atom has a sphere of repulsion; — Things are, and are not, at the same time; — and the like. '''All the universe over, there is but one thing, this old Two-Face, creator-creature, mind-matter, right-wrong, of which any proposition may be affirmed or denied. Very fitly therefore I assert that every [[Human|man]] is a partialist; that [[nature]] secures him as an instrument by self-conceit, preventing the tendencies to [[religion]] and [[science]]; and now further assert, that, each man's [[genius]] being nearly and affectionately explored, he is justified in his [[individuality]], as his nature is found to be immense; and now I add that every man is a [[universalist]] also, and, as our [[earth]], whilst it spins on its own axis, spins all the [[time]] around the [[sun]] through the celestial spaces, so the least of its [[rational]] [[children]], the most dedicated to his private affair, works out, though as it were under a disguise, the universal problem. '''We [[fancy]] men are individuals; so are [[pumpkins]]; but every pumpkin in the field, goes through every point of pumpkin [[history]].''' The rabid democrat, as soon as he is senator and rich man, has ripened beyond possibility of sincere radicalism, and unless he can resist the sun, he must be conservative the remainder of his days. [[John Scott, 1st Earl of Eldon|Lord Eldon]] said in his old age that "if he were to begin life again, he would be damned but he would begin as agitator." * '''We hide this universality if we can, but it appears at all points.''' We are as ungrateful as children. There is nothing we cherish and strive to draw to us but in some hour we turn and rend it. We keep a running fire of sarcasm at ignorance and the life of the senses; then goes by, perchance, a fair girl, a piece of life, gay and happy, and making the commonest offices beautiful by the energy and heart with which she does them; and seeing this we admire and love her and them, and say, "Lo! a genuine creature of the fair earth, not dissipated or too early ripened by books, philosophy, religion, society, or care!" insinuating a treachery and contempt for all we had so long loved and wrought in ourselves and others. * If we could have any security against moods! If the profoundest prophet could be holden to his words, and the hearer who is ready to sell all and join the crusade could have any certificate that to-morrow his prophet shall not unsay his testimony! But the Truth sits veiled there on the Bench, and never interposes an adamantine syllable; and the most sincere and revolutionary doctrine, put as if the ark of God were carried forward some furlongs, and planted there for the succor of the world, shall in a few weeks be coldly set aside by the same speaker, as morbid; "I thought I was right, but I was not," — and the same immeasurable credulity demanded for new audacities. If we were not of all opinions! if we did not in any moment shift the platform on which we stand, and look and speak from another! if there could be any regulation, any "one-hour-rule," that a man should never leave his point of view without sound of trumpet. I am always insincere, as always knowing there are other moods. * '''How sincere and confidential we can be, saying all that lies in the mind, and yet go away feeling that all is yet unsaid, from the incapacity of the parties to know each other, although they use the same words!''' My companion assumes to know my mood and habit of thought, and we go on from explanation to explanation until all is said which words can, and we leave matters just as they were at first, because of that vicious assumption. Is it that every man believes every other to be an incurable partialist, and himself a universalist? I talked yesterday with a pair of philosophers; I endeavored to show my good men that I love everything by turns and nothing long; that I loved the centre, but doated on the superficies; that I loved man, if men seemed to me mice and rats; that I revered saints, but woke up glad that the old pagan world stood its ground and died hard; that I was glad of men of every gift and nobility, but would not live in their arms. Could they but once understand that I loved to know that they existed, and heartily wished them God-speed, yet, out of my poverty of life and thought, had no word or welcome for them when they came to see me, and could well consent to their living in Oregon, for any claim I felt on them, — it would be a great satisfaction. ===== ''New England Reformers'' ===== * I am afraid the remark is too honest, and comes from the same origin as the maxim of the tyrant, "If you would rule the world quietly, you must keep it amused." I notice too, that the ground on which eminent public servants urge the claims of popular education is fear: "This country is filling up with thousands and millions of voters, and you must educate them to keep them from our throats." * Is not every man sometimes a [[radical]] in [[politics]]? Men are conservatives when they are least vigorous, or when they are most luxurious. They are conservatives after dinner, or before taking their rest; when they are sick, or aged. In the morning, or when their intellect or their conscience has been aroused; when they hear music, or when they read poetry, they are radicals. ==== ''The Young American'' (1844) ==== :<small>[https://emersoncentral.com/texts/nature-addresses-lectures/lectures/the-young-american/ A lecture read before the Mercantile Library Association, Boston (7 February 1844)]</small> * Gentlemen, there is a sublime and friendly Destiny by which the human race is guided, — the race never dying, the individual never spared, — to results affecting masses and ages. Men are narrow and selfish, but the Genius or Destiny is not narrow, but beneficent. It is not discovered in their calculated and voluntary activity, but in what befalls, with or without their design. Only what is inevitable interests us, and it turns out that love and good are inevitable, and in the course of things. That Genius has infused itself into nature. It indicates itself by a small excess of good, a small balance in brute facts always favorable to the side of reason. * Our condition is like that of the poor wolves: if one of the flock wound himself, or so much as limp, the rest eat him up incontinently. That serene Power interposes the check upon the caprices and officiousness of our wills. * <p>It is easy to see that the existing generation are conspiring with a beneficence, which, in its working for coming generations, sacrifices the passing one, which infatuates the most selfish men to act against their private interest for the public welfare. We build railroads, we know not for what or for whom; but one thing is certain, that we who build will receive the very smallest share of benefit. Benefit will accrue; they are essential to the country, but that will be felt not until we are no longer countrymen. We do the like in all matters: — </p><p>'Man's heart the Almighty to the Future set<BR>By secret and inviolable springs.'</p> * We plant trees, we build stone houses, we redeem the waste, we make prospective laws, we found colleges and hospitals, for remote generations. * This is the value of the Communities; not what they have done, but the revolution which they indicate as on the way. * We must have kings, and we must have nobles. Nature provides such in every society, — only let us have the real instead of the titular. Let us have our leading and our inspiration from the best. In every society some men are born to rule, and some to advise. Let the powers be well directed, directed by love, and they would everywhere be greeted with joy and honor. * I call upon you, young men, to obey your heart, and be the nobility of this land. In every age of the world, there has been a leading nation, one of a more generous sentiment, whose eminent citizens were willing to stand for the interests of general justice and humanity, at the risk of being called, by the men of the moment, chimerical and fantastic. Which should be that nation but these States? Which should lead that movement, if not New England? Who should lead the leaders, but the Young American? ==== ''Poems'' (1847) ==== [[File:Minute Man National Historical Park MIMA4053.jpg|thumb|By the rude [[bridge]] that arched the flood, <br /> Their [[flag]] to [[April]]'s breeze unfurled, <br /> [[w:Battles of Lexington and Concord|Here once]] the [[embattled]] [[farmers]] stood, <br /> And fired [[w:Shot heard round the world|the shot heard round the]] [[world]].]] [[File:Old North Bridge, Concord, Massachusetts, July 2005.JPG|thumb| [[Time]] the ruined bridge has swept <br /> Down the dark stream which seaward creeps... ]] [[File:Concord Minute Man, Concord, MA.jpg|thumb|We set to-day a votive [[stone]]; <br /> That [[memory]] may their [[deed]] [[redeem]], <br /> When, like our sires, our sons are gone.]] [[File:Memorial obelisk - Old North Bridge.jpg|thumb|[[Spirit]], that made those [[heroes]] [[dare]], <br /> To [[die]], and leave their [[children]] [[free]], <br /> Bid Time and [[Nature]] gently spare <br /> The shaft we raise to them and thee.]] * Each the herald is who wrote <br /> His rank, and quartered his own coat. <br /> '''There is no king nor sovereign state <br /> That can fix a [[hero]]'s rate.''' ** [[s:Astræa|Astræa]] * I saw men go up and down, <br /> In the country and the town, <br /> With this tablet on their neck,— <br /> '[[Judgement]] and a judge we seek.' <br /> Not to monarchs they repair, <br /> Nor to learned jurist's chair; <br /> But they hurry to their peers, <br /> To their kinsfolk and their dears; <br /> Louder than with speech they pray,— <br /> 'What am I? companion, say.' ** [[s:Astræa|Astræa]] * <p>Each to each a looking-glass, <br /> Reflects his figure that doth pass. <br /> Every wayfarer he meets <br /> What himself declared repeats, <br /> What himself confessed records, <br /> Sentences him in his words; <br /> The form is his own corporal form, <br /> And his thought the penal worm.</p><p> '''Yet shine forever virgin minds, <br /> Loved by stars and the purest winds''', <br /> Which, o'er passion throned sedate, <br /> Have not hazarded their state; <br /> Disconcert the searching spy, <br /> Rendering to a curious eye <br /> The durance of a granite ledge <br /> To those who gaze from the sea's edge. <br /> '''It is there for benefit; <br /> It is there for purging light; <br /> There for purifying storms; <br /> And its depths reflect all forms; <br /> It cannot parley with the mean,— <br /> Pure by impure is not seen. <br /> For there's no sequestered grot, <br /> Lone mountain tarn, or isle forgot, <br /> But [[Justice]], journeying in the sphere, <br /> Daily stoops to harbour there.'''</p> ** [[s:Astræa|Astræa]] * Good-bye, proud world! I'm going home: <br /> Thou art not my friend, and I'm not thine. ** ''[http://www.bartleby.com/42/763.html Good-bye]'', st. 1 * For what are they all, in their high conceit, <br /> When man in the bush with God may meet? ** ''Good-bye'', st. 4 * Nor knowest thou what argument <br /> Thy life to thy neighbor's creed has lent: <br /> All are needed by each one, <br /> Nothing is fair or good alone. ** ''[http://www.emersoncentral.com/poems/each_and_all.htm Each and All]'', st. 1 * I wiped away the weeds and foam, <br /> And fetched my sea-born treasures home; <br /> But the poor, unsightly, noisome things <br /> Had left their beauty on the shore <br /> With the sun, and the sand, and the wild uproar. ** ''Each and All'', st. 3 * Announced by all the trumpets of the sky <br /> Arrives the snow, and, driving o'er the fields, <br /> Seems nowhere to alight: the whited air <br /> Hides hills and woods, the river and the heaven, <br /> And veils the farm-house at the garden's end. ** ''[http://www.emersoncentral.com/poems/snow_storm.htm The Snow-Storm]'' * And when his hours are numbered, and the world <br /> Is all his own, retiring, as he were not, <br /> Leaves, when the sun appears, astonished Art <br /> To mimic in slow structures, stone by stone <br /> Built in an age, the mad wind's night-work, <br /> The frolic architecture of the snow. ** ''The Snow-Storm'' * '''Life is too short to waste <br /> The critic bite or cynic bark, <br /> Quarrel, or reprimand; <br /> 'Twill soon be dark; <br /> Up! mind thine own aim, and <br /> God speed the mark!''' ** ''[http://www.emersoncentral.com/poems/to_jw.htm To J.W.]'', st. 4 * For there's no rood has not a star above it; <br /> The cordial quality of pear or plum <br /> Ascends as gladly in a single tree, <br /> As in broad orchards resonant with bees; <br /> And every atom poises for itself, <br /> And for the whole. ** ''[http://www.emersoncentral.com/poems/musketaquid.htm Musketaquid]'', st. 5 * But all sorts of things and weather <br /> Must be taken in together <br /> To make up a year, <br /> And a sphere. ** ''[http://www.emersoncentral.com/poems/fable.htm Fable]'' * Talents differ; all is well and wisely put; <br /> If I cannot carry forests on my back, <br /> Neither can you crack a nut. ** ''Fable'' * '''Rhodora! if the sages ask thee why <br /> This charm is wasted on the earth and sky, <br /> Tell them, dear, that, if eyes were made for seeing, <br /> Then beauty is its own excuse for Being.''' ** ''[http://www.emersoncentral.com/poems/rhodora.htm The Rhodora]'' * Whoso walketh in solitude, <br /> And inhabiteth the wood, <br /> Choosing light, wave, rock, and bird, <br /> Before the money-loving herd, <br /> Into that forester shall pass <br /> From these companions power and grace. ** ''[http://www.emersoncentral.com/poems/wood_notes_ii.htm Woodnotes II]'', st. 4 * For nature beats in perfect tune, <br /> And rounds with rhyme her every rune, <br /> Whether she work in land or sea, <br /> Or hide underground her alchemy. <br /> Thou canst not wave thy staff in air, <br /> Or dip thy paddle in the lake, <br /> But it carves the bow of beauty there, <br /> And the ripples in rhymes the oar forsake. ** ''Woonotes II'', st. 7 * There are two laws discrete <br /> Not reconciled, <br /> Law for man, and law for thing. ** ''[http://www.emersoncentral.com/poems/ode_inscribed_to_william_h_channing.htm Ode Inscribed to W.H. Channing]'', st. 9 * Olympian bards who sung <br /> Divine Ideas below, <br /> Which always find us young, <br /> And always keep us so. ** ''[http://www.emersoncentral.com/poems/ode_to_beauty.htm Ode to Beauty]'', st. 2 * Give all to love; <br /> Obey thy heart; <br /> Friends, kindred, days, <br /> Estate, good fame, <br /> Plans, credit, and the muse; <br /> Nothing refuse. ** ''[http://www.emersoncentral.com/poems/give_all_to_love.htm Give All to Love]'', st. 1 * Though thou loved her as thyself, <br /> As a self of purer clay, <br /> Tho' her parting dims the day, <br /> Stealing grace from all alive, <br /> Heartily know, <br /> When half-gods go, <br /> The gods arrive. ** ''Give All to Love'', st. 4 * But these young scholars who invade our hills, <br /> Bold as the engineer who fells the wood, <br /> And travelling often in the cut he makes, <br /> Love not the flower they pluck, and know it not, <br /> And all their botany is Latin names. ** ''[http://www.emersoncentral.com/poems/blight.htm Blight]'', st. 2 * <p>'''By the rude [[bridge]] that arched the flood, <br /> Their [[flag]] to [[April]]'s breeze unfurled, <br /> [[w:Battles of Lexington and Concord|Here once]] the [[embattled]] [[farmers]] stood, <br /> And fired [[w:Shot heard round the world|the shot heard round the]] [[world]].'''</p><p>The [[foe]] long since in [[silence]] slept; <br /> Alike the [[conqueror]] silent sleeps; <br /> And [[Time]] the ruined bridge has swept <br /> Down the dark stream which seaward creeps.</p><p>On this green bank, by this soft stream, <br /> We set to-day a votive [[stone]]; <br /> That [[memory]] may their [[deed]] [[redeem]], <br /> When, like our sires, our sons are gone.</p><p>[[Spirit]], that made those [[heroes]] [[dare]], <br /> To [[die]], and leave their [[children]] [[free]], <br /> Bid Time and [[Nature]] gently spare <br /> The shaft we raise to them and thee.</p> ** "[[w:Concord Hymn|Concord Hymn]]' (1837) * Hast thou named all the birds without a gun; <br /> Loved the wood-rose, and left it on its stalk. ** ''[http://www.emersoncentral.com/poems/forebearance.htm Forbearance]'' * Pass in, pass in, the angels say, <br /> In to the upper doors; <br /> Nor count compartments of the floors, <br /> But mount to Paradise <br /> By the stairway of surprise. ** ''[http://www.emersoncentral.com/poems/merlin_i.htm Merlin I]'', st. 2 ===== ''[http://www.emersoncentral.com/poems/problem.htm The Problem]'' ===== * I like a church, I like a cowl, <br /> I love a prophet of the soul, <br /> And on my heart monastic aisles <br /> Fall like sweet strains or pensive smiles; <br /> Yet not for all his faith can see, <br /> Would I that cowled churchman be. <br /> Why should the vest on him allure, <br /> Which I could not on me endure? ** St. 1 * Not from a vain or shallow thought <br /> His awful Jove young Phidias brought. ** St. 2 * Out from the heart of Nature rolled <br /> The burdens of the Bible old. ** St. 2 * The hand that rounded Peter's dome, <br /> And groined the aisles of Christian Rome, <br /> Wrought in a sad sincerity, <br /> Himself from God he could not free; <br /> He builded better than he knew, <br /> The conscious stone to beauty grew. ** St. 2 * Earth proudly wears the Parthenon <br /> As the best gem upon her zone. ** St. 3 === 1850s === ==== ''[[wikisource:Representative Men|Representative Men]]'' (1850) ==== * The world is upheld by the veracity of good men: they make the earth wholesome. ** ''Uses of Great Men'' * He is great who is what he is from Nature, and who never reminds us of others. ** ''Uses of Great Men'' * When nature removes a great man, people explore the horizon for a successor; but none comes, and none will. His class is extinguished with him. In some other and quite different field the next man will appear. ** ''Uses of Great Men'' * Every hero becomes a bore at last. ** ''Uses of Great Men'' * It costs a beautiful person no exertion to paint her image on our eyes; yet how splendid is that benefit! It costs no more for a wise soul to convey his quality to other men. ** "Uses of Great Men," * Great geniuses have the shortest biographies. ** ''Plato; or, The Philosopher'' * Things added to things, as statistics, civil history, are inventories. Things used as language are inexhaustibly attractive. ** ''Plato; or, The Philosopher'' * '''Keep cool: it will be all one a hundred years hence.''' ** ''Montaigne; or, The Skeptic'' * Is not marriage an open question, when it is alleged, from the beginning of the world, that such as are in the institution wish to get out, and such as are out wish to get in? ** ''Montaigne; or, The Skeptic'' * Thought is the property of him who can entertain it, and of him who can adequately place it. ** ''Shakespeare; or, The Poet'' * What point of morals, of manners, of economy, of philosophy, of religion, of taste, of the conduct of life, has he not settled? What mystery has he not signified his knowledge of? What office, or function, or district of man's work, has he not remembered? What king has he not taught state, as Talma taught Napoleon? What maiden has not found him finer than her delicacy? What lover has he not outloved? What sage has he not outseen? What gentleman has he not instructed in the rudeness of his behavior? ** ''Shakespeare; or, The Poet'' * Act, if you like,—but you do it at your peril. Men's actions are too strong for them. Show me a man who has acted, and who has not been the victim and slave of his action. What they have done commits and enforces them to do the same again. The first act, which was to be an experiment, becomes a sacrament. The fiery reformer embodies his aspiration in some rite or covenant, and he and his friends cleave to the form, and lose the aspiration. The Quaker has established Quakerism, the Shaker has established his monastery and his dance; and, although each prates of spirit, there is no spirit, but repetition, which is anti-spiritual. ** "Goethe; or, the Writer" p. 271 * In actions of enthusiasm, this drawback appears: but in those lower activities, which have no higher aim than to make us more comfortable and more cowardly, in actions of cunning, actions that steal and lie, actions that divorce the speculative from the practical faculty, and put a ban on reason and sentiment, there is nothing else but drawback and negation. ** "Goethe; or, the Writer," pp. 271-272 * The measure of action is the sentiment from which it proceeds. The greatest action may easily be one of the most private circumstance. ** "Goethe; or, the Writer," p. 272 * How can he [today's writer] be honored, when he does not honor himself; when he loses himself in the crowd; when he is no longer the lawgiver, but the sycophant, ducking to the giddy opinion of a reckless public. ** "Goethe; or, the Writer," p. 274 === 1860s === ==== ''[[wikisource:The Conduct of Life|The Conduct of Life]]'' (1860) ==== [[File:Portland Japanese Garden maple.jpg|thumb|right|The real and lasting victories are those of peace, and not of war.]] * You have just dined, and however scrupulously the slaughterhouse is concealed in the graceful distance of miles, there is complicity. ** ''Fate'' * Great men, great nations, have not been boasters and buffoons, but perceivers of the terror of life, and have manned themselves to face it. ** ''Fate'' * Men are what their mothers made them. ** ''Fate'' * Whatever limits us we call Fate. ** ''Fate'' * In different hours, a man represents each of several of his ancestors, as if there were seven or eight of us rolled up in each man's skin, — seven or eight ancestors at least, — and they constitute the variety of notes for that new piece of music which his life is. ** ''Fate'' * Nature magically suits the man to his fortunes, by making these the fruit of his character. ** ''Fate'' * That what we seek we shall find; what we flee from flees from us. ** ''Fate'' * All the great speakers were bad speakers at first. ** ''Power'' * As there is a use in medicine for poisons, so the world cannot move without rogues. ** ''Power'' * We may well call it black diamonds. Every basket is power and civilization. For coal is a portable climate. It carries the heat of the tropics to Labrador and the polar circle; and it is the means of transporting itself withersoever it is wanted. [[James Watt|Watt]] and [[George Stephenson|Stephenson]] whispered in the ear of mankind their secret, that ''a half-ounce of coal will draw two tons a mile'', and coal carries coal, by rail and by boat, to make Canada as warm as Calcutta, and with its comfort brings its industrial power. ** ''Wealth'' * Wealth begins in a tight roof that keeps the rain and wind out; in a good pump that yields you plenty of sweet water; in two suits of clothes, so to change your dress when you are wet; in dry sticks to burn; in a good double-wick lamp; and three meals; in a horse, or a locomotive, to cross the land; in a boat to cross the sea; in tools to work with; in books to read; and so, in giving, on all sides, by tolls and auxiliaries, the greatest possible extension to our powers, as if it added feet, and hands, and eyes, and blood, length to the day, and knowledge, and good-will.<br />Wealth begins with these articles of necessity. ** ''Wealth'' * The world is his, who has money to go over it. ** ''Wealth'' * Art is a jealous mistress. ** ''Wealth'' * If a man own land, the land owns him. ** ''Wealth'' * You can never do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late. ** ''Culture'' * I have been quoted as saying captious things about travel; but I mean to do justice. I think, there is a restlessness in our people, which argues want of character. '''All educated Americans, first or last, go to Europe'''; — perhaps, because it is their mental home, as the invalid habits of this country might suggest. An eminent teacher of girls said, "the idea of a girl's education, is, whatever qualifies them for going to Europe." Can we never extract this tape-worm of Europe from the brain of our countrymen? ** ''Culture'' * Solitude, the safeguard of mediocrity, is to genius the stern friend. ** ''Culture'' * The measure of a master is his success in bringing all men round to his opinion twenty years later. ** ''[http://books.google.com/books?id=uVYRAAAAYAAJ&q=&quot;The+measure+of+a+master+is+his+success+in+bringing+all+men+round+to+his+opinion+twenty+years+later&quot;&pg=PA157#v=onepage Culture]'' * '''The real and lasting victories are those of peace, and not of war.''' ** ''Worship'' * We are born believing. A man bears beliefs as a tree bears apples. ** ''Worship'' * The louder he talked of his honor, the faster we counted our spoons. ** ''Worship'' * Shallow men believe in luck, believe in circumstances...Strong men believe in cause and effect. ** ''Worship'' * People seem not to see that their opinion of the world is also a confession of character. ** ''Worship'' * I wish that life should not be cheap, but sacred. I wish the days to be as centuries, loaded, fragrant. ** ''Considerations by the Way'' * Our chief want in life is somebody who shall make us do what we can. ** ''Considerations by the Way'' * Bad times have a scientific value. [...] We learn geology the morning after the earthquake, on ghastly diagrams of cloven mountains, upheaved plains, and the dry bed of the sea. ** ''Considerations by the Way'' * Make yourself necessary to somebody. Do not make life hard to any. ** ''Considerations by the Way'' * Conversation is an art in which a man has all mankind for his competitors, for it is that which all are practising every day while they live. ** ''Considerations by the Way'' * Beauty without grace is the hook without the bait. ** ''Beauty'' * Things are pretty, graceful, rich, elegant, handsome, but, until they speak to the imagination, not yet beautiful. ** ''Beauty'' * If I could put my hand on the north star, would it be as beautiful? The sea is lovely, but when we bathe in it, the beauty forsakes all the near water. For the imagination and senses cannot be gratified at the same time. ** ''Beauty'' * Whatever games are played with us, we must play no games with ourselves, but deal in our privacy with the last honesty and truth. ** ''Illusions'' * Our chief want in life, is somebody who shall make us do what we can. ** ''Considerations by the Way'' ===== ''Behavior'' ===== * There is always a best way of doing everything, if it be to boil an egg. Manners are the happy ways of doing things; each once a stroke of genius or of love, — now repeated and hardened into usage. They form at last a rich varnish, with which the routine of life is washed, and its details adorned. * Fine manners need the support of fine manners in others, and this is a gift interred only by the self. * The highest compact we can make with our fellow, is, — "Let there be truth between us two forevermore". * 'Tis very certain that each man carries in his eye the exact indication of his rank in the immense scale of men, and we are always learning to read it. '''A complete man should need no auxiliaries to his personal presence'''. ==== ''Life and Letters in New England'' (1867) ==== :<small>[http://www.vcu.edu/engweb/transcendentalism/authors/emerson/essays/historicnotes.html "Historic Notes of Life and Letters in New England" (1867), published in ''The Atlantic Monthly'' (October 1883)] </small> * '''There are always two parties, the party of the Past and the party of the Future: the Establishment and the Movement.''' At times the resistance is reanimated, the schism runs under the world and appears in Literature, Philosophy, Church, State and social customs. * '''The key to the period appeared to be that the mind had become aware of itself. Men grew reflective and intellectual. There was a new consciousness.''' The former generations acted under the belief that a shining social prosperity was the beatitude of man, and sacrificed uniformly the citizen to the State. The modern mind believed that the nation existed for the individual, for the guardianship and education of every man. This idea, roughly written in revolutions and national movements, in the mind of the philosopher had far more precision; the individual is the world. <br /> '''This perception is a sword such as was never drawn before. It divides and detaches bone and marrow, soul and body, yea, almost the man from himself.''' It is the age of severance, of dissociation, of freedom, of analysis, of detachment. Every man for himself. The public speaker disclaims speaking for any other; he answers only for himself. The social sentiments are weak; the sentiment of patriotism is weak; veneration is low; the natural affections feebler than they were. People grow philosophical about native land and parents and. relations. There is an universal resistance to ties rand ligaments once supposed essential to civil society. The new race is stiff, heady and rebellious; they are fanatics in freedom; they hate tolls, taxes, turnpikes, banks, hierarchies, governors, yea, almost laws. They have a neck of unspeakable tenderness; it winces at a hair. They rebel against theological as against political dogmas; against mediation, or saints, or any nobility in the unseen. <br /> The age tends to solitude. The association of the time is accidental and momentary and hypocritical, the detachment intrinsic and progressive. The association is for power, merely, — for means; the end being the enlargement and independency of the individual. * The young men were born with knives in their brain, a tendency to introversion, self-dissection, anatomizing of motives. ==== ''May-Day and Other Pieces'' (1867) ==== * '''God said, I am tired of kings, <br /> I suffer them no more; <br /> Up to my ear the morning brings <br /> The outrage of the poor.''' ** ''[http://www.readbookonline.org/readOnLine/1177/ Boston Hymn]'', st. 2 * To-day unbind the captive, <br /> So only are ye unbound; <br /> Lift up a people from the dust, <br /> Trump of their rescue, sound! ** ''Boston Hymn'', st. 17 * O tenderly the haughty day <br /> Fills his blue urn with fire; <br /> One morn is in the mighty heaven, <br /> And one in our desire. ** ''[http://www.potw.org/archive/potw369.html Ode]'', st. 1 * United States! the ages plead, — <br /> Present and Past in under-song, — <br /> Go put your creed into your deed, <br /> Nor speak with double tongue. ** ''Ode'', st. 5 * I think no virtue goes with size; <br /> The reason of all cowardice <br /> Is, that men are overgrown, <br /> And, to be valiant, must come down <br /> To the titmouse dimension. ** ''[http://www.readbookonline.org/readOnLine/1176/ The Titmouse]'', st. 5 * So nigh is grandeur to our dust, <br /> So near is God to man, <br /> When Duty whispers low, ''Thou must'', <br /> The youth replies, ''I can''. ** ''[http://www.humanitiesweb.org/human.php?s=l&p=c&a=p&ID=20575&c=323 Voluntaries III]'' * England's genius filled all measure <br /> Of heart and soul, of strength and pleasure, <br /> Gave to the mind its emperor, <br /> And life was larger than before: <br /> Nor sequent centuries could hit <br /> Orbit and sum of Shakespeare's wit. <br /> The men who lived with him became <br /> Poets, for the air was fame. ** ''[http://www.humanitiesweb.org/human.php?s=l&p=c&a=p&ID=20586&c=323 Solution]'', l. 35-42 * Nor mourn the unalterable Days <br /> That Genius goes and Folly stays. ** ''[http://www.humanitiesweb.org/human.php?s=l&p=c&a=p&ID=20607&c=323 In Memoriam E.B.E.]'', st. 9 * Fear not, then, thou child infirm, <br /> There's no god dare wrong a worm. ** ''[http://www.rwe.org/comm/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=126&Itemid=158 Compensation]'', I * He thought it happier to be dead, <br /> To die for Beauty, than live for bread. ** ''[http://www.rwe.org/works/Conduct_8_Beauty.htm Beauty]'' * Wilt thou seal up the avenues of ill? <br /> Pay every debt as if God wrote the bill. ** ''[http://www.humanitiesweb.org/human.php?s=l&p=c&a=p&ID=20798&c=323 Fragment]'' * Deep in the man sits fast his fate <br /> To mould his fortunes, mean or great. ** ''[http://www.humanitiesweb.org/human.php?s=l&p=c&a=p&ID=20569&c=323 Fate]'' * For the prevision is allied <br /> Unto the thing so signified; <br /> Or say, the foresight that awaits <br /> Is the same Genius that creates. ** ''Fate'' * Daughters of Time, the hypocritic Days, <br /> Muffled and dumb like barefoot dervishes, <br /> And marching single in an endless file, <br /> Bring diadems and fagots in their hands. ** ''[http://www.humanitiesweb.org/human.php?s=l&p=c&a=p&ID=20591&c=323 Days]'' * It is time to be old, <br /> To take in sail: - <br /> The god of bounds, <br /> Who sets to seas a shore, <br /> Came to me in his fatal rounds, <br /> And said: 'No more! ** ''[http://www.humanitiesweb.org/human.php?s=l&p=c&a=p&ID=20600&c=323 Terminus]'' * Obey the voice at eve obeyed at prime. ** ''Terminus'' * Though love repine, and reason chafe, <br /> There came a voice without reply, — <br /> "'Tis man's perdition to be safe, <br /> When for the truth he ought to die." ** ''Sacrifice'' * For what avail the plough or sail, <br /> Or land or life, if freedom fail? ** ''[http://www.humanitiesweb.org/human.php?s=l&p=c&a=p&ID=20580&c=323 Boston]'', st. 5 * If the red slayer think he slays, <br /> Or if the slain think he is slain, <br /> They know not well the subtle ways <br /> I keep, and pass, and turn again. ** ''[http://www.humanitiesweb.org/human.php?s=l&p=c&a=p&ID=20567&c=323 Brahma]'', st. 1. ** Composed in July 1856 this poem is derived from a major passage of the ''[[Bhagavad Gita]]'', one of the most popular of Hindu scriptures, and portions of it were likely a paraphrase of an existing translation. Though titled "[[w:Brahma|Brahma]]" its expressions are actually more indicative of the Hindu concept "[[w:Brahman|Brahman]]" * Far or forgot to me is near; <br /> Shadow and sunlight are the same; <br /> The vanished gods to me appear; <br /> And one to me are shame and fame. ** ''Brahma''', st. 2 * They reckon ill who leave me out; <br /> When me they fly, I am the wings; <br /> '''I am the doubter and the doubt'''; <br /> And I the hymn the Brahmin sings. ** ''Brahma'', st. 3 * In the vaunted works of Art <br /> The master stroke is Nature's part. ** ''Art'' * Ever from one who comes to-morrow <br /> Men wait their good and truth to borrow. ** ''[http://www.humanitiesweb.org/human.php?s=l&p=c&a=p&ID=20584&c=323 Merlin's Song II]'' * The music that can deepest reach, <br /> And cure all ill, is cordial speech. ** ''Merlin's Song II'' * Some of your hurts you have cured, <br /> And the sharpest you still have survived, <br /> But what torments of grief you endured <br /> From evils which never arrived! ** ''[http://www.humanitiesweb.org/human.php?s=l&p=c&a=p&ID=20649&c=323 Borrowing From the French]'' * A ruddy drop of manly blood <br /> The surging sea outweighs, <br /> The world uncertain comes and goes; <br /> The lover rooted stays. ** ''[http://www.humanitiesweb.org/human.php?s=l&p=c&a=p&ID=20615&c=323 Friendship]'' === 1870s === ====''Society and Solitude'' (1870) ==== * God may forgive sins, he said, but awkwardness has no forgiveness in heaven or earth. ** ''Society and Solitude'' * We boil at different degrees. ** ''Eloquence'' * The best university that can be recommended to a man of ideas is the gauntlet of the mobs. ** ''Eloquence'' * The ornament of a house is the friends who frequent it. ** ''Domestic Life'' * The days .... come and go like muffled and veiled figures, sent from a distant friendly party; but they say nothing, and if we do not use the gifts they bring, they carry them as silently away. ** ''[http://www.rwe.org/comm/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=37&Itemid=148 Works and Days]'' * Can anybody remember when the times were not hard and money not scarce? ** ''Works and Days'' * A man builds a fine house; and now he has a master, and a task for life: he is to furnish, watch, show it, and keep it in repair, the rest of his days. ** ''Works and Days'' * Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year. ** ''Works and Days'' * Men love to wonder, and that is the seed of our science. ** ''Works and Days'' - generally misquoted as "Men love to wonder, and that is the seed of science." * A third illusion haunts us, that a long duration, as a year, a decade, a century, is valuable. But an old French sentence says, "God works in moments," — "En peu d'heure Dieu labeure." We ask for long life, but 't is deep life, or grand moments, that signify. Let the measure of time be spiritual, not mechanical. Life is unnecessarily long. Moments of insight, of fine personal relation, a smile, a glance, — what ample borrowers of eternity they are! Life culminates and concentrates; and Homer said, "The Gods ever give to mortals their appointed share of reason only on one day." ** [https://archive.org/details/completeworks07emeruoft/page/178 ''Works and Days''] * 'Tis the good reader that makes the good book; in every book he finds passages which seem confidences or asides hidden from all else and unmistakenly meant for his ear. ** ''Success'' * Don't waste yourself in rejection, nor bark against the bad, but chant the beauty of the good. ** ''Success'' * We do not count a man's years until he has nothing else to count. ** ''Old Age'' * There is no knowledge that is not power. ** ''Old Age'' ===== ''Civilization'' ===== * Hitch your wagon to a star. * The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of civilization. * The most advanced nations are always those who navigate the most. * The true test of civilization is, not the census, nor the size of the cities, nor the crops - no, but the kind of man the country turns out. ===== ''Art'' ===== * '''Every genuine work of [[art]] has as much reason for being as the earth and the sun.''' * Nature paints the best part of a picture, carves the best parts of the statue, builds the best part of the house, and speaks the best part of the oration. * A masterpiece of art has in the mind a fixed place in the chain of being, as much as a plant or a crystal. ===== ''Books'' ===== * Consider what you have in the smallest chosen library. A company of the wisest and wittiest men that could be picked out of all civil countries, in a thousand years, have set in best order the results of their learning and wisdom. The men themselves were hid and inaccessible, solitary, impatient of interruption, fenced by etiquette; but the thought which they did not uncover to their bosom friend is here written out in transparent words to us, the strangers of another age. ==== ''[http://www.rwe.org/comm/index.php?option=com_content&task=category&sectionid=5&id=74&Itemid=149 Letters and Social Aims]'' (1876) ==== * Science does not know its debt to imagination. ** ''Poetry and Imagination'' * Alcohol, hashish, prussic acid, strychnine are weak dilutions. The surest poison is time. ** ''Poetry and Imagination'' * Music is the poor man's Parnassus. ** ''Poetry and Imagination'' * The imagination is not a talent of some men but is the health of every man. ** ''Poetry and Imagination'' * '''Life is not so short but that there is always time enough for courtesy.''' ** ''Social Aims'' * I have heard with admiring submission the experience of the lady who declared "that the sense of being perfectly well-dressed gives a feeling of inward tranquility which religion is powerless to bestow". ** ''Social Aims'' * Don't ''say'' things. What you ''are'' stands over you the while, and thunders so that I cannot hear what you say to the contrary. ** ''Social Aims'' ** Sometimes condensed to "What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say." * This world belongs to the energetic. ** ''Resources'' * Every really able man, in whatever direction he work,—a man of large affairs, an inventor, a statesman, an orator, a poet, a painter,—if you talk sincerely with him, considers his work, however much admired, as far short of what it should be. ** ''Immortality'' * Every artist was first an amateur. ** ''Progress of Culture'' (see also: [[Art]]) * Great men are they who see that spiritual is stronger than any material force, that thoughts rule the world. No hope so bright but is the beginning of its own fulfillment. ** ''Progress of Culture'' Phi Beta Kappa Address (July 18, 1867) * Shall I tell you the secret of the true scholar? It is this: Every man I meet is my master at some point, and in that, I learn of him. ** ''Greatness'' * A good symbol is the best argument and is a missionary to persuade thousands. ** ''Poetry and Imagination'' * Wit makes its own welcome, and levels all distinctions. No dignity, no learning, and no force of character can make any stand against good wit. ** ''The Comic'' * The perception of the comic is a tie of sympathy with other men, a pledge of sanity, and protection from those perverse tendencies and gloomy insanities in which fine intellects sometimes lose themselves. A rogue alive to the ludicrous is still convertible. ** ''The Comic'' ===== ''Quotation and Originality'' ===== * '''Every book is a quotation; and every house is a quotation out of all forests and mines and stone-quarries; and every man is a quotation from all his ancestors.''' * In the highest [[civilization]], the [[book]] is still the highest delight. He who has once known its satisfactions is provided with a resource against calamity. * '''Each man is a [[hero]] and an oracle to somebody.''' * The heroic cannot be the common, nor can the common be heroic. * The gods sell anything to everybody at a fair price. * Next to the originator of a good sentence is the first quoter of it. * The profit of books is according to the sensibility of the reader. '''The profoundest thought or passion sleeps as in a mine until an equal mind and heart finds and publishes it.''' * '''A great man quotes bravely, and will not draw on his [[invention]] when his [[memory]] serves him with a [[word]] just as good.''' * '''[[Genius]] borrows nobly.''' When [[William Shakespeare|Shakespeare]] is charged with debts to his authors, Landor replies: "Yet he was more original than his originals. He breathed upon [[dead]] bodies and brought them into [[life]]". * '''By [[necessity]], by proclivity, and by [[delight]], we all [[quote]].''' * Now shall we say that only the first men were well alive, and the existing generation is invalided and degenerate? ... A more subtle and severe criticism might suggest that some dislocation has befallen the race; that men are off their centre; that multitudes of men do not live with Nature, but behold it as exiles. People go out to look at sunrises and sunsets who do not recognize their own quietly and happily, but know that it is foreign to them. As they do by books, so they ''quote'' the sunset and the star, and do not make them theirs. Worse yet, they live as foreigners in the world of truth, and quote thoughts, and thus disown them. Quotation confesses inferiority. * '''We cannot overstate our debt to the [[Past]], but the [[moment]] has the supreme claim.''' The Past is for us; but the sole terms on which it can become ours are its subordination to the [[Present]]. '''Only an inventor knows how to borrow, and every man is or should be an inventor. We must not tamper with the organic motion of the [[soul]].''' * '''Language is a city to the building of which every human being brought a stone; yet he is no more to be credited with the grand result than the acaleph which adds a cell to the coral reef which is the basis of the continent.''' === 1880s === ==== ''Lectures and Biographical Sketches'' (1883) ==== * There are many things of which a wise man might wish to be ignorant. ** ''Demonology'' * To live without duties is obscene. ** ''Aristocracy'' * <!--[M]en act powerfully on us.--> There are men who astonish and delight, men who instruct and guide. Some men's words I remember so well that I must often use them to express my thought. Yes, because I perceive that we have heard the same truth, but they have heard it better. ** ''Character'' ===''Bartlett's Familiar Quotations'', 10th ed. (1919)=== :{{Bartlett1919}} * Nor knowest thou what argument <br /> Thy life to thy neighbor's creed has lent. <br /> All are needed by each one; <br /> Nothing is fair or good alone. ** ''Each and All'' * I wiped away the weeds and foam, <br /> I fetched my sea-born treasures home; <br /> But the poor, unsightly, noisome things <br /> Had left their beauty on the shore, <br /> With the sun and the sand and the wild uproar. ** ''Each and All'' * Earth laughs in flowers to see her boastful boys <br /> Earth-proud, proud of the earth which is not theirs; <br /> Who steer the plough, but can not steer their feet <br /> Clear of the grave. ** ''Hamatreya'' * Good bye, proud world! I'm going home; <br /> Thou art not my friend; I am not thine. ** ''Good Bye'' * For what are they all in their high conceit, <br /> When man in the bush with God may meet? ** ''Good Bye'' * If eyes were made for seeing, <br /> Then Beauty is its own excuse for being. ** ''The Rhodora'' * Things are in the saddle, <br /> And ride mankind. ** ''Ode'', inscribed to W. H. Channing * Olympian bards who sung <br /> Divine ideas below, <br /> Which always find us young <br /> And always keep us so. ** ''Ode to Beauty'' * Heartily know, <br /> When half-gods go, <br /> The gods arrive. ** ''Give all to Love'' * Love not the flower they pluck and know it not, <br /> And all their botany is Latin names. ** ''Blight'' * The silent organ loudest chants <br /> The master's requiem. ** ''Dirge'' * By the rude bridge that arched the flood, <br /> Their flag to April's breeze unfurled, <br /> Here once the embattled farmers stood, <br /> And fired the shot heard round the world. ** ''Hymn sung at the Completion of the Battle Monument'' * What potent blood hath modest May! ** ''May-Day'' * And striving to be man, the worm <br /> Mounts through all the spires of form. ** ''May-Day'' * And every man, in love or pride, <br /> Of his fate is ever wide. ** ''Nemesis'' * None shall rule but the humble, <br /> And none but Toil shall have. ** ''Boston Hymn''. 1863 * Oh, tenderly the haughty day <br /> Fills his blue urn with fire. ** ''Ode'', Concord, July 4, 1857 * Go put your creed into your deed, <br /> Nor speak with double tongue. ** ''Ode'', Concord, July 4, 1857 * So nigh is grandeur to our dust, <br /> So near is God to man, <br /> When Duty whispers low, Thou must, <br /> The youth replies, I can! ** ''Voluntaries'' * Whoever fights, whoever falls, <br /> Justice conquers evermore. ** ''Voluntaries'' * Nor sequent centuries could hit <br /> Orbit and sum of Shakespeare's wit. ** ''Solution'' * Born for success he seemed, <br /> With grace to win, with heart to hold, <br /> With shining gifts that took all eyes. ** ''In Memoriam'' * Nor mourn the unalterable Days <br /> That Genius goes and Folly stays. ** ''In Memoriam'' * Fear not, then, thou child infirm; <br /> There's no god dare wrong a worm. ** ''Compensation'' * He thought it happier to be dead, <br /> To die for Beauty, than live for bread. ** ''Beauty'' * Wilt thou seal up the avenues of ill? <br /> Pay every debt, as if God wrote the bill! ** ''Suum Cuique'' * Too busy with the crowded hour to fear to live or die. ** ''Quatrains'', Nature * Though love repine, and reason chafe, <br /> There came a voice without reply,— <br /> "'T is man's perdition to be safe <br /> When for the truth he ought to die." ** ''Sacrifice'' * For what avail the plough or sail, <br /> Or land or life, if freedom fail? ** ''Boston'' * If the red slayer think he slays, <br /> Or if the slain think he is slain, <br /> They know not well the subtle ways <br /> I keep and pass and turn again. ** ''Brahma'' * Go where he will, the wise man is at home, <br /> His hearth the earth, his hall the azure dome. ** ''Wood-notes'' * Seeing only what is fair, <br /> Sipping only what is sweet, <br /> Thou dost mock at fate and care. ** ''To the humble Bee'' * Thou animated torrid-zone. ** ''To the humble Bee'' * In the vaunted works of Art <br /> The master-stroke is Nature's part. 5. ** ''Art'' * If the single man plant himself indomitably on his instincts, and there abide, the huge world will come round to him. 6. ** ''Nature'', Addresses and Lectures. The American Scholar * The hearing ear is always found close to the speaking tongue. ** ''English Traits'', Race * A creative economy is the fuel of magnificence. ** ''English Traits'', Aristocracy * The manly part is to do with might and main what you can do. ** ''The Conduct of Life'', Wealth * The alleged power to charm down insanity, or ferocity in beasts, is a power behind the eye. ** ''The Conduct of Life'', Behaviour * Fine manners need the support of fine manners in others. ** ''The Conduct of Life'', Behaviour * Good is a good doctor, but Bad is sometimes a better. ** ''Considerations by the Way'' * God may forgive sins, he said, but awkwardness has no forgiveness in heaven or earth. ** ''Society and Solitude'' * Raphael paints wisdom, Handel sings it, Phidias carves it, Shakespeare writes it, Wren builds it, Columbus sails it, Luther preaches it, Washington arms it, Watt mechanizes it. ** ''Society and Solitude'', Art * Hitch your wagon to a star. ** ''Civilization'' * I should as soon think of swimming across Charles River when I wish to go to Boston, as of reading all my books in originals when I have them rendered for me in my mother tongue. ** ''Books'' * Never read any book that is not a year old. ** ''Books'' * We do not count a man's years until he has nothing else to count. ** ''Old Age'' * Life is not so short but that there is always time enough for courtesy. ** ''Letters and Social Aims'', Social Aims * By necessity, by proclivity, and by delight, we all quote. ** ''Quotation and Originality'' * The virtues of society are the vices of the saints. ** ''Circles'' * The wise through excess of wisdom is made a fool. ** ''Experience'' * In skating over thin ice our safety is our speed. ** ''Prudence'' * Shallow men believe in luck. ** ''Worship'' * Heroism feels and never reasons and therefore is always right. ** ''Heroism'' * The faith that stands on authority is not faith. ** ''The Over-soul'' * God offers to every mind its choice between truth and repose. ** ''Intellect'' * His heart was as great as the world, but there was no room in it to hold the memory of a wrong. ** ''Greatness'' * We boil at different degrees. ** ''Eloquence'' * Can anybody remember when the times were not hard and money not scarce? ** ''Works and Days'' * Self-trust is the first secret of success. ** ''Success'' * Next to the originator of a good sentence is the first quoter of it. ** ''Letters and Social Aims'', Quotation and Originality * When Shakespeare is charged with debts to his authors, Landor replies, "Yet he was more original than his originals. He breathed upon dead bodies and brought them into life." ** ''Letters and Social Aims'', Quotation and Originality * In fact, it is as difficult to appropriate the thoughts of others as it is to invent. ** ''Letters and Social Aims'', Quotation and Originality * I see that sensible men and conscientious men all over the world were of one religion. ** ''Lectures and Biographical Sketches'', The Preacher ==== ''Essays'', ''First Series'' ==== * There is no great and no small <br /> To the Soul that maketh all; <br /> And where it cometh, all things are; <br /> And it cometh everywhere. ** Epigraph to History * Time dissipates to shining ether the solid angularity of facts. ** History * Nature is a mutable cloud which is always and never the same. ** History * A man is a bundle of relations, a knot of roots, whose flower and fruitage is the world. ** History * All mankind love a lover. ** Love * A ruddy drop of manly blood <br /> The surging sea outweighs; <br /> The world uncertain comes and goes, <br /> The lover rooted stays. ** Epigraph to Friendship * Every sweet has its sour; every evil its good. ** Friendship * Thou art to me a delicious torment. ** Friendship * The condition which high friendship demands is ability to do without it. ** Friendship * And with Cæsar to take in his hand the army, the empire, and Cleopatra, and say, "All these will I relinquish if you will show me the fountain of the Nile." ** New England Reformers * The reward of a thing well done is to have done it. ** New England Reformers *A nation never falls but by suicide. **The Collected Works of Ralph Waldo Emerson: Society and solitude {{Disputed begin}} ==Disputed== * The next thing to saying a good thing yourself, is to quote one ** This sentence has no known source in Emerson's works, but its general sense does closely match the tenor of Emerson's essay "Quotation and Originality", in particular the sentence "Next to the originator of a good sentence is the first quoter of it." (listed above). ** Gow, ''Foundations for Human Engineering'' (1931) contains the following passage: "I have the backing of Emerson, for it was he, I believe, who said that the next thing to saying a good thing yourself, if to quote one". It is not clear whether Gow is purporting to quote Emerson ''verbatim'', or merely to paraphrase his work. {{Disputed end}} {{Misattributed begin}} == Misattributed == * An ounce of action is worth a ton of theory. ** This expression is widely misattributed to Emerson in journalism, tweets, and memes on the internet. This quotation in an earlier phrasing of Jared Eliot's statement “It used to be the Saying of an old Man, That an Ounce of Experience is better than a Pound of Science.” (''Essays upon Field Husbandry'', 1748; quotation reprinted in [https://www.jstor.org/stable/3739311 "Jared Eliot, Minister, Physician, Farmer" by Rodney H. True. ''Agricultural History'' Vol. 2, No. 4 (Oct. 1928)], p199). The quote has also been misattributed to Friedrich Engels, a claim possibly originating from the 1975 book ''The Strange Case of Victor Grayson'' by Reg Groves ([https://socialiststandardmyspace.blogspot.com/2010_05_02_archive.html link]) * Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything that is beautiful; for beauty is God's handwriting—a wayside sacrament. Welcome it in every fair face, in every fair sky, in every fair flower, and thank God for it as a cup of blessing. ** Though attributed to Emerson in Edwards' ''A Dictionary of Thoughts'' (1908), p. 37, this quote originates in ''Politics for the People'' (1848) by [[Charles Kingsley]]. * To laugh often and much; To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded. ** Widely attributed to Emerson on the internet, this actually originates with [http://www.cas.sc.edu/engl/emerson/Ephemera/Success.html "What is Success?"] by [[w: Bessie Anderson Stanley|Bessie Anderson Stanley]] in ''Heart Throbs'' Volume Two (1911) edited by Joseph Mitchell Chapple. <!-- pp. ii, 1-2 Boston: Chapple Publishing Company --> * As soon as there is life there is danger. ** Actually from ''De l'Allemagne'' (1813) by [[Madame de Stael]]. * Build a better mousetrap, and the world will beat a path to your door. * ''Variation'': If a man can write a better book, preach a better sermon, or make a better mousetrap than his neighbor, though he builds his house in the woods the world will make a beaten path to his door. **Investigations have failed to confirm this in Emerson's writings (John H. Lienhard. [http://www.uh.edu/engines/epi1163.htm "A better moustrap"], ''Engines of our Ingenuity''). Also reported as a misattribution in Paul F. Boller, Jr., and John George, ''They Never Said It: A Book of Fake Quotes, Misquotes, & Misleading Attributions'' (1989), p. 25. Note that Emerson did say, as noted above, "I trust a good deal to common fame, as we all must. If a man has good corn, or wood, or boards, or pigs, to sell, or can make better chairs or knives, crucibles or church organs, than anybody else, you will find a broad hard-beaten road to his house, though it be in the woods". * When it is dark enough, you can see the stars. ** Widely attributed to Ralph Waldo Emerson on the internet; however, a presumably definitive source of Emerson's works at http://www.rwe.org fails to confirm any occurrence of this phrase across his works. This phrase is found in remarks attributed to [[Charles A. Beard]] in Arthur H. Secord, "Condensed History Lesson", ''Reader's Digest'', February 1941, p. 20; but the origin has not been determined. Possibly confused with a passage in "Illusions" in which Emerson discusses his experience in the "Star Chamber": "our lamps were taken from us by the guide, and extinguished or put aside, and, on looking upwards, I saw or seemed to see the night heaven thick with stars glimmering more or less brightly over our heads, and even what seemed a comet flaming among them. All the party were touched with astonishment and pleasure. Our musical friends sung with much feeling a pretty song, "The stars are in the quiet sky," &c., and I sat down on the rocky floor to enjoy the serene picture. Some crystal specks in the black ceiling high overhead, reflecting the light of a half–hid lamp, yielded this magnificent effect." <!-- Also found in the speech by Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., "I've Been to the Mountain Top" (April 3, 1968); but King attributes it to Beard in his sermon "The death of evil upon the seashore", as printed in ''Strength to Love'' (1963), p. 83 in the 1981 edition. --> * Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen. ** Attributed to Emerson in ''The Gift of Depression: Twenty-one Inspirational Stories Sharing Experience, Strength, and Hope'' (2001) by John F. Brown, p. 56, no prior occurrence of this statement has been located; it seems to be derived from one which occurs in ''[[w The Alchemist (novel)|The Alchemist]]'' (1988) by [[Paulo Coelho]], p. 22: '''When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.''' * What lies behind us and what lies ahead of us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. ** As [http://quoteinvestigator.com/2011/01/11/what-lies-within/ reported by Quoteinvestigator on January 11, 2011] the quote appeared in "Meditations in Wall Street" (1940) by Wall Street trader Henry Stanley Haskins, "a Wall Street trader with a checkered background. The phrase was misattributed because the true author's name was initially withheld. In addition, the assignment of the maxim to a more prestigious individual, e.g., Emerson or Thoreau, made it more attractive and more believable as a nugget of wisdom." Emerson made a number of similar statements — in "The American Scholar," for example, he says "Give me insight into to-day, and you may have the antique and future worlds" — which probably increased the likelihood of misattribution. * The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well. ** Attributed to Emerson in ''Life's Instructions for Wisdom, Success, and Happiness'' (2000) by H. Jackson Brown Jr., as well as numerous online sources since, the article [https://quoteinvestigator.com/2014/11/29/purpose/ "The Purpose of Life Is Not To Be Happy But To Matter" at the ''Quote Investigator''] indicates that this quote is probably derived from various statements first made by [[w: Leo Calvin Rosten|Leo Rosten]], including the following words delivered at the National Book Awards held in New York in 1962: "The purpose of life is not to be happy — but to matter, to be productive, to be useful, to have it make some difference that you lived at all." * For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness. ** No known source in Emerson's works; first found as a piece of anonymous folk wisdom in a 1936 newspaper column: :: Every minute you are angry, you lose 60 seconds of happiness. ::* Junius, [https://www.newspapers.com/newspage/85995624/ "Office Cat"], ''The Daily Freeman'' [Kingston, NY] (30 December 1936), p. 6 * No member of a crew is praised for the rugged individuality of his rowing. ** Widely misattributed to Emerson on the Internet, this quote is actually taken from Alfred North Whitehead's essay "Harvard: The Future" (The Atlantic Monthly, September 1936.) {{Misattributed end}} == Quotes about Emerson == :<small>Sorted alphabetically by author or source</small> * '''So gentle that he seemed only reading to one person, and yet his voice was so distinct that it filled the room in its lowest tones.''' ** [[Charles Bradlaugh]], of Emerson's manner, as quoted in ''Ralph Waldo Emerson, His Life, Writings, and Philosophy'' (1881) by George Willis Cooke, p. 179 * That which struck me most, as distinguishing him from most other human beings, is ''[[nobility]]''. He is a born nobleman. ** [[w:Fredrika Bremer|Fredrika Bremer]], ''The homes of the New World: impressions of America'' (1853), p. 154 * '''It was a maxim with him that power is not so much shown in talent or in successful performance as in ''tone''; the absolute or the victorious tone''' ... He disliked limitations, and welcomed whatever promised to get rid of them, without always inquiring very closely what was left when they were removed. ** [[w:James Elliot Cabot|James Elliot Cabot]], ''A Memoir of Ralph Waldo Emerson'' (1887) *"We, as we read," Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote in an essay on history, "must become Greeks, Romans, Turks, priest and king, martyr and executioner; must fasten these images to some reality in our secret experience, or we shall learn nothing rightly." **[[Edwidge Danticat]] chapter 1, "Create Dangerously: The Immigrant Artist at Work" *[[England]] laughed at American authorship and we sent her [[w:Ralph Waldo Emerson|Emerson]]... **[[Frederick Douglass]], [http://teachingamericanhistory.org/library/document/self-made-men/ "Self-Made Men"] (1872) *Most of the books published during the five-year period leading up to, during, and after the invasion of Mexico were war-mongering tracts. Euro-American settlers were nearly all literate, and this was the period of the foundational "American literature," with writers James Fenimore Cooper, Walt Whitman, Edgar Allan Poe, John Greenleaf Whittier, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, James Russell Lowell, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Henry David Thoreau, Nathaniel Hawthorne, and Herman Melville all active-each of whom remains read, revered, and studied in the twenty-first century, as national and nationalist writers, not as colonialists...Emerson supported territorial expansion at any cost but would have preferred it take place without war. **[[Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz]], ''An Indigenous Peoples' History of the United States'' (2014) * '''He is the most original mind America has hitherto produced.''' ** [[George Gilfillan]], ''A Gallery of Literary Portraits'' (1845), p. 301 * He is a [[perfect]] swimmer on the [[ocean]] of modern existence. He dreads no tempest, for he is sure that calm will follow it. ** [[w:Herman Grimm|Herman Grimm]], 1861 essay, as quoted in ''Ralph Waldo Emerson: Philosopher and Poet'' (1881) by Alfred Hudson Guernsey, p. 16 * [A] great original thinker, who had his earthly abode at the opposite extremity of our village. ... People that had lighted on a new thought or a thought that they fancied new, came to Emerson, as the finder of a glittering gem hastens to a lapidary. ** [[Nathaniel Hawthorne]], [http://www.gutenberg.org/files/9221/9221-h/9221-h.htm ''Mosses from an Old Manse''] (1846) * [N]o one has had so steady and constant and above all so natural, a vision of what we require and what we are capable of in the way of aspiration and independence. ** [[Henry James]], ''Partial Portraits'' (1888), p. 9 * He liked to taste but not to drink—least of all to become intoxicated. ** [[Henry James]], ''Partial Portraits'' (1888), p. 25 * Emerson: German philosophy that in crossing the great water took some on underway. ** [[Karl Kraus]], ''Dicta and Contradicta'', J. McVey, trans. (2001), #757 *I love Emerson, I just had a problem with something I read in his journal. He was talking about Asians. Chinese, specifically. He said they had no culture to speak of, no music. He said they're not even as good as the Africans, who are at least willing to carry our wood. And he said that they've done nothing useful except manage "to preserve to a hair / for three or four thousand years / the ugliest features in the world." The poem begins by looking at the face of this butcher. So it's about that-it's about countenance, and it's about what the culture defines as beauty or ugliness. It's a weird wrestling I'm doing with Emerson. I can't imagine me without Emerson. And yet there's this thing about him that gets to me. That's deep in the culture. **[[Li-Young Lee]] 1995 interview included in ''Poetry in Person'' edited by Alexander Neubauer (2010) * What, then, is his secret? Is it not that he out-Yankees us all? that his range includes us all? that he is equally at home with the potato disease and original sin, with pegging shoes and the Over-soul? that, as we try all trades, so has he tried all cultures? and above all, that his [[mysticism]] gives us a counterpoise to our super-practicality? ** [[James Russell Lowell]], ''My Study Windows'' (1871), "[[s:My Study Windows/Emerson, the Lecturer|Emerson, the Lecturer]]" * '''There is no man living to whom, as a writer, so many of us feel and thankfully acknowledge so great an indebtedness for ennobling impulses.''' ** [[James Russell Lowell]], ''My Study Windows'' (1871), "Emerson, the Lecturer" * There was a majesty about him beyond all other men I have known, and he habitually dwelt in that ampler and diviner air to which most of us, if ever, only rise in spurts. ** [[James Russell Lowell]], as quoted in [[Oliver Wendell Holmes]]'s ''Ralph Waldo Emerson'' (1884) * Modern technics, even apart from the special arts that it fostered, had a cultural contribution to make in its own right. Just as science underlined the respect for fact, so technics emphasized the importance of function: in this domain, as Emerson pointed out, the beautiful rests on the foundation of the necessary. ** [[Lewis Mumford]], ''Technics and Civilization'' (1934) Ch. 7 "Assimilation of the Machine" * A cheery, child-like soul, impervious to the evidence of evil. ** [[George Santayana]], "The Genteel Tradition in American Philosophy" in ''University of California Chronicle'', Vol. 13 (1911), p. 366 * Emerson broke away from all conditions of age or country and represented nothing except intelligence itself. ** [[George Santayana]], ''The Genteel Tradition in American Philosophy'' (1911), p. 50 *I love Emerson, the first great American writer. **1987 interview in ''Conversations with [[Susan Sontag]]'' edited by Leland Poague (1995) * Virtually at the same time as Kierkegaard gave philosophical significance to moods, Emerson was doing the same. In "Experience" he characterized our life experiences as "a train of moods" that color whatever we encounter, and he described life as "a flux of moods" that affect our "states of mind." ** Nineteenth-century prose v. 30 The Emerson Enigma by George M Stack, 2003 p. 444 * Emerson's prose is full of poetry, and his poems are light and air. ... His modes of expression, like his epithets, are imaginative. ** [[Edmund Clarence Stedman]], ''Poets of America'' (1885), pp. 134 & 164 * We are told of his mode of preparing an essay,—of the slow-growing medley of thoughts on a topic, at last brought out and strung at random, like a child's variegated beads. ** [[Edmund Clarence Stedman]], ''Poets of America'' (1885), p. 160 * He began where many poets end, seeking at once the upper air, the region of pure thought and ideality. ... Emerson was the freest and most ideal of them all, and what came to him by inheritance or prophetic forecast he gave like a victor. ** [[Edmund Clarence Stedman]], ''Poets of America'' (1885), pp. 176–177 *American self-confidence, Emerson argued, should be grounded not in a narrow chauvinistic claim about the superiority of the American way but rather in a mature affirmation of America's gifts to the world as well as candid acknowledgment of the "most un-handsome part of our condition." Cheap American patriotism not only reflects an immaturity and insecurity, he warned, but also is an adolescent defense mechanism that reveals a fear to engage the world and learn from others. Narrow nationalism is a handmaiden of imperial rule, he argues-it keeps the populace deferential and complacent. Hence it abhors critics and dissenters like Emerson who unsettle and awaken the people. His shining example of democratic intellectual work is a challenge to us today. This challenge has been taken up through the years by a stream of Emersonian voices-from [[Walt Whitman]] to [[William James]], [[Gertrude Stein]]. [[W. E. B. Du Bois]], and [[Muriel Rukeyser]]. **[[Cornel West]] ''Democracy Matters: Winning the Fight Against Imperialism'' (2004) * Even when provocation was great, his [[satire]] was so gentle and genial that it warmed even its object. ** [[w:Charles Johnson Woodbury|Charles Johnson Woodbury]], ''Talks with Ralph Waldo Emerson'' (1890), p. 43 == See also == {{Social and political philosophers}} ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{Wikisource author}} {{commons|Ralph Waldo Emerson}} * [http://www.emersoncentral.com/ Emerson Central] * [http://www.rwe.org/ Ralph Waldo Emerson] tribute site * [http://www.transcendentalists.com/1emerson.html Emerson] at Transcendentalists.com ** [http://www.transcendentalists.com/emerson_essays.htm Essays] * [http://www.poets.org/poets/poets.cfm?45442B7C000C04050C Emerson at the Academy of American Poets] * [http://www.lucidcafe.com/library/96may/emerson.html Emerson at LucidCafe Library] * [http://www.aninfiniteidea.org/Emerson/home_en.html A Tribute to Ralph Waldo Emerson] * [http://webpages.charter.net/classicpoetry/emersonspoetryandimagination.htm Poetry and Imagination 1872] * [http://quod.lib.umich.edu/e/emerson/browse.html The Complete Works of Emerson in searchable texts] * [https://web.archive.org/web/20160411125123/http://www.readingemerson.com/ ''Reading Ralph Waldo Emerson'', a site with excerpts from Emerson's journals, at the Internet Archive] {{DEFAULTSORT: Emerson, Ralph Waldo}} [[Category:Academics from the United States]] [[Category:Philosophers from the United States]] [[Category:19th-century philosophers]] [[Category:Poets from the United States]] [[Category:Romantic poets]] [[Category:Essayists from the United States]] [[Category:Theologians from the United States]] [[Category:Mystics]] [[Category:Diarists]] [[Category:Abolitionists]] [[Category:Unitarians from the United States]] [[Category:Educators from the United States]] [[Category:1803 births]] [[Category:1882 deaths]] [[Category:People from Boston]] [[Category:19th-century poets from the United States]] [[Category:Harvard University alumni]] [[Category:Deaths from disease]] <!-- interlang links --> rbev91eki2m9fddrt5gvzwbd4v6yjvh 4 93 3778555 3777862 2025-07-14T12:45:27Z MediaWiki message delivery 1046665 /* Wikidata Item and Property labels soon displayed in Wiki Watchlist/Recent Changes */ new section 3778555 wikitext text/x-wiki __NEWSECTIONLINK__ {{Wikiquote:Village pump/Header}} {{User:MABot/config |archive = Wikiquote:Village pump archive %(counter)d |algo = old(35d) |counter = 63 |maxarchivesize = 300K |minthreadsleft = 4 |archiveheader = {{Village pump archives}} |minthreadstoarchive = 1 |key = 3009d0c464caec663eab7ed3f8987744 }} == Vote now in the 2025 U4C Election == <div lang="en" dir="ltr" class="mw-content-ltr"> {{Int:Please-translate}} Eligible voters are asked to participate in the 2025 [[m:Special:MyLanguage/Universal_Code_of_Conduct/Coordinating_Committee|Universal Code of Conduct Coordinating Committee]] election. More information–including an eligibility check, voting process information, candidate information, and a link to the vote–are available on Meta at the [[m:Special:MyLanguage/Universal_Code_of_Conduct/Coordinating_Committee/Election/2025|2025 Election information page]]. The vote closes on 17 June 2025 at [https://zonestamp.toolforge.org/1750161600 12:00 UTC]. Please vote if your account is eligible. Results will be available by 1 July 2025. -- In cooperation with the U4C, [[m:User:Keegan (WMF)|Keegan (WMF)]] ([[m:User talk:Keegan (WMF)|talk]]) 23:01, 13 June 2025 (UTC) </div> <!-- Message sent by User:Keegan (WMF)@metawiki using the list at https://meta.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?title=Distribution_list/Global_message_delivery&oldid=28848819 --> == Wikimedia Foundation Board of Trustees 2025 - Call for Candidates == <section begin="announcement-content" /> :''<div class="plainlinks">[[m:Special:MyLanguage/Wikimedia Foundation elections/2025/Announcement/Call for candidates|{{int:interlanguage-link-mul}}]] • [https://meta.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?title=Special:Translate&group=page-{{urlencode:Wikimedia Foundation elections/2025/Announcement/Call for candidates}}&language=&action=page&filter= {{int:please-translate}}]</div> Hello all, The [[m:Special:MyLanguage/Wikimedia Foundation elections/2025|call for candidates for the 2025 Wikimedia Foundation Board of Trustees selection is now open]] from June 17, 2025 – July 2, 2025 at 11:59 UTC [1]. The Board of Trustees oversees the Wikimedia Foundation's work, and each Trustee serves a three-year term [2]. This is a volunteer position. This year, the Wikimedia community will vote in late August through September 2025 to fill two (2) seats on the Foundation Board. Could you – or someone you know – be a good fit to join the Wikimedia Foundation's Board of Trustees? [3] Learn more about what it takes to stand for these leadership positions and how to submit your candidacy on [[m:Special:MyLanguage/Wikimedia Foundation elections/2025/Candidate application|this Meta-wiki page]] or encourage someone else to run in this year's election. Best regards, Abhishek Suryawanshi<br /> Chair of the Elections Committee On behalf of the Elections Committee and Governance Committee [1] https://meta.wikimedia.org/wiki/Special:MyLanguage/Wikimedia_Foundation_elections/2025/Call_for_candidates [2] https://foundation.wikimedia.org/wiki/Legal:Bylaws#(B)_Term. [3] https://meta.wikimedia.org/wiki/Special:MyLanguage/Wikimedia_Foundation_elections/2025/Resources_for_candidates<section end="announcement-content" /> [[User:MediaWiki message delivery|MediaWiki message delivery]] ([[User talk:MediaWiki message delivery|talk]]) 17:44, 17 June 2025 (UTC) <!-- Message sent by User:RamzyM (WMF)@metawiki using the list at https://meta.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?title=Distribution_list/Global_message_delivery&oldid=28866958 --> == What to do with [[Lego City Undercover]] == Over the course of a month now, this article has been expanded to the point where it is simply enormous, and the objective seems to be transcribing the entirety of the dialogue. I don't normally deal with pop culture topics, not least of which because there seems to be no shortage that would like to turn this into Wikitranscript rather than a collection of quotes. Obviously we can't transcribe the entirety of the dialogue of a work. But the text all seems equally mundane that there isn't much of a criteria I can see for deciding what should be kept. [[User:GreenMeansGo|<span style="font-family:Impact"><span style="color:#07CB4B">G</span><span style="color:#449351">M</span><span style="color:#35683d">G</span></span>]][[User talk:GreenMeansGo#top|<sup style="color:#000;font-family:Impact">talk</sup>]] 18:14, 27 June 2025 (UTC) :I fully agree with your concern - and I've now nominated it for deletion (see [[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Lego City Undercover]]). It's not that I don't think we should have a page for this game, but the amount of quotes on this page is really out of hand (and growing every day). IMHO, we should delete it and start over, with a page that has a much smaller set of quotes. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 18:05, 30 June 2025 (UTC) == Sister Projects Task Force reviews Wikispore and Wikinews == <section begin="message"/> Dear Wikimedia Community, The [[m:Wikimedia Foundation Community Affairs Committee|Community Affairs Committee (CAC)]] of the Wikimedia Foundation Board of Trustees assigned [[m:Wikimedia Foundation Community Affairs Committee/Sister Projects Task Force|the Sister Projects Task Force (SPTF)]] to update and implement a procedure for assessing the lifecycle of Sister Projects – wiki [[m:Wikimedia projects|projects supported by Wikimedia Foundation (WMF)]]. A vision of relevant, accessible, and impactful free knowledge has always guided the Wikimedia Movement. As the ecosystem of Wikimedia projects continues to evolve, it is crucial that we periodically review existing projects to ensure they still align with our goals and community capacity. Despite their noble intent, some projects may no longer effectively serve their original purpose. '''Reviewing such projects is not about giving up – it's about responsible stewardship of shared resources'''. Volunteer time, staff support, infrastructure, and community attention are finite, and the non-technical costs tend to grow significantly as our ecosystem has entered a different age of the internet than the one we were founded in. Supporting inactive projects or projects that didn't meet our ambitions can unintentionally divert these resources from areas with more potential impact. Moreover, maintaining projects that no longer reflect the quality and reliability of the Wikimedia name stands for, involves a reputational risk. An abandoned or less reliable project affects trust in the Wikimedia movement. Lastly, '''failing to sunset or reimagine projects that are no longer working can make it much harder to start new ones'''. When the community feels bound to every past decision – no matter how outdated – we risk stagnation. A healthy ecosystem must allow for evolution, adaptation, and, when necessary, letting go. If we create the expectation that every project must exist indefinitely, we limit our ability to experiment and innovate. Because of this, SPTF reviewed two requests concerning the lifecycle of the Sister Projects to work through and demonstrate the review process. We chose Wikispore as a case study for a possible new Sister Project opening and Wikinews as a case study for a review of an existing project. Preliminary findings were discussed with the CAC, and a community consultation on both proposals was recommended. === Wikispore === The [[m:Wikispore|application to consider Wikispore]] was submitted in 2019. SPTF decided to review this request in more depth because rather than being concentrated on a specific topic, as most of the proposals for the new Sister Projects are, Wikispore has the potential to nurture multiple start-up Sister Projects. After careful consideration, the SPTF has decided '''not to recommend''' Wikispore as a Wikimedia Sister Project. Considering the current activity level, the current arrangement allows '''better flexibility''' and experimentation while WMF provides core infrastructural support. We acknowledge the initiative's potential and seek community input on what would constitute a sufficient level of activity and engagement to reconsider its status in the future. As part of the process, we shared the decision with the Wikispore community and invited one of its leaders, Pharos, to an SPTF meeting. Currently, we especially invite feedback on measurable criteria indicating the project's readiness, such as contributor numbers, content volume, and sustained community support. This would clarify the criteria sufficient for opening a new Sister Project, including possible future Wikispore re-application. However, the numbers will always be a guide because any number can be gamed. === Wikinews === We chose to review Wikinews among existing Sister Projects because it is the one for which we have observed the highest level of concern in multiple ways. Since the SPTF was convened in 2023, its members have asked for the community's opinions during conferences and community calls about Sister Projects that did not fulfil their promise in the Wikimedia movement.[https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:WCNA_2024._Sister_Projects_-_opening%3F_closing%3F_merging%3F_splitting%3F.pdf <nowiki>[1]</nowiki>][https://meta.wikimedia.org/wiki/Wikimedia_Foundation_Community_Affairs_Committee/Sister_Projects_Task_Force#Wikimania_2023_session_%22Sister_Projects:_past,_present_and_the_glorious_future%22 <nowiki>[2]</nowiki>][https://meta.wikimedia.org/wiki/WikiConvention_francophone/2024/Programme/Quelle_proc%C3%A9dure_pour_ouvrir_ou_fermer_un_projet_%3F <nowiki>[3]</nowiki>] Wikinews was the leading candidate for an evaluation because people from multiple language communities proposed it. Additionally, by most measures, it is the least active Sister Project, with the greatest drop in activity over the years. While the Language Committee routinely opens and closes language versions of the Sister Projects in small languages, there has never been a valid proposal to close Wikipedia in major languages or any project in English. This is not true for Wikinews, where there was a proposal to close English Wikinews, which gained some traction but did not result in any action[https://meta.wikimedia.org/wiki/Proposals_for_closing_projects/Closure_of_English_Wikinews <nowiki>[4]</nowiki>][https://meta.wikimedia.org/wiki/WikiConvention_francophone/2024/Programme/Quelle_proc%C3%A9dure_pour_ouvrir_ou_fermer_un_projet_%3F <nowiki>[5]</nowiki>, see section 5] as well as a draft proposal to close all languages of Wikinews[https://meta.wikimedia.org/wiki/Talk:Proposals_for_closing_projects/Archive_2#Close_Wikinews_completely,_all_languages? <nowiki>[6]</nowiki>]. [[:c:File:Sister Projects Taskforce Wikinews review 2024.pdf|Initial metrics]] compiled by WMF staff also support the community's concerns about Wikinews. Based on this report, SPTF recommends a community reevaluation of Wikinews. We conclude that its current structure and activity levels are the lowest among the existing sister projects. SPTF also recommends pausing the opening of new language editions while the consultation runs. SPTF brings this analysis to a discussion and welcomes discussions of alternative outcomes, including potential restructuring efforts or integration with other Wikimedia initiatives. '''Options''' mentioned so far (which might be applied to just low-activity languages or all languages) include but are not limited to: *Restructure how Wikinews works and is linked to other current events efforts on the projects, *Merge the content of Wikinews into the relevant language Wikipedias, possibly in a new namespace, *Merge content into compatibly licensed external projects, *Archive Wikinews projects. Your insights and perspectives are invaluable in shaping the future of these projects. We encourage all interested community members to share their thoughts on the relevant discussion pages or through other designated feedback channels. === Feedback and next steps === We'd be grateful if you want to take part in a conversation on the future of these projects and the review process. We are setting up two different project pages: [[m:Public consultation about Wikispore|Public consultation about Wikispore]] and [[m:Public consultation about Wikinews|Public consultation about Wikinews]]. Please participate between 27 June 2025 and 27 July 2025, after which we will summarize the discussion to move forward. You can write in your own language. I will also host a community conversation 16th July Wednesday 11.00 UTC and 17th July Thursday 17.00 UTC (call links to follow shortly) and will be around at Wikimania for more discussions. <section end="message"/> -- [[User:Victoria|Victoria]] on behalf of the Sister Project Task Force, 20:57, 27 June 2025 (UTC) <!-- Message sent by User:Johan (WMF)@metawiki using the list at https://meta.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?title=User:Johan_(WMF)/Sister_project_MassMassage_on_behalf_of_Victoria/Target_list&oldid=28911188 --> :Thank you for your notice. 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'''Please do not reply to this message.''' <span style="font-family:SimSun; color:#000000;">〈[[User:HingWahStreet|興]][[User_talk:HingWahStreet|華]][[special:contributions/HingWahStreet|街]]〉</span>[[c:User:HingWahStreet/Contributed projects|📅]][[c:User:HingWahStreet/Signatures|❓]] 12:28, 2 July 2025 (UTC) == Wikidata Item and Property labels soon displayed in Wiki Watchlist/Recent Changes == ''(Apologies for posting in English, you can help by translating into your language)'' Hello everyone, the [[m:Wikidata_For_Wikimedia_Projects/Clearer_Wikidata_Edit_Summaries/Resolve_Labels|Wikidata For Wikimedia Projects]] team is excited to announce an upcoming change in how Wikidata edit changelogs are displayed in your [[Special:Watchlist|Watchlists]] and [[Special:RecentChanges|Recent Changes]] lists. If an edit is made on Wikidata that affects a page in another Wikimedia Project, the changelog will contain some information about the nature of the edit. 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[[User:MediaWiki message delivery|MediaWiki message delivery]] ([[User talk:MediaWiki message delivery|talk]]) 12:45, 14 July 2025 (UTC) <!-- Message sent by User:Danny Benjafield (WMDE)@metawiki using the list at https://meta.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?title=User:Danny_Benjafield_(WMDE)/MassMessage_Test_List&oldid=28981877 --> 23ux7xc22vf4xs0bis6z8mh5gd29whs 0 284 3778783 3759803 2025-07-14T18:18:14Z A23423413 3125316 /* Quotes about Pablo Neruda */ added one quote, and moving one i added before to talk page 3778783 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Pablo Neruda 1963.jpg |thumb|[[Love]] is so short and forgetting is so long.]] '''[[w:Pablo Neruda|Pablo Neruda]]''' (born '''Ricardo Eliécer Neftalí Reyes Basoalto'''; [[12 July]] [[1904]] – [[23 September]] [[1973]]) was a Chilean [[w:poet-diplomat|poet-diplomat]] and politician who won the [[w:1971 Nobel Prize in Literature|1971 Nobel Prize in Literature]]. Neruda became known as a poet when he was 13 years old, and wrote in a variety of styles, including [[w:surrealism|surrealist]] poems, [[w:historical epic|historical epic]]s, overtly political manifestos, a prose [[w:autobiography|autobiography]], and passionate love poems such as the ones in his collection ''[[w:Twenty Love Poems and a Song of Despair|Twenty Love Poems and a Song of Despair]]'' (1924). :'''''See also: [[Canto General]]'''''. == Quotes == [[File:Pablo_Neruda_(1966).jpg|thumb|I wrote the first faint line,<br>faint, without substance, pure<br>nonsense,<br>pure wisdom<br>of someone who knows nothing,<br>and I suddenly saw<br>the heavens<br>unfastened<br>and open.]] * ''Debajo de tu piel vive la luna.'' ** The moon lives in the lining of your skin. ** ''Oda a la Bella Desnuda (Ode to a Beautiful Nude)'', from ''Nuevas Odas Elementales'' (1956), trans. Nathaniel Tarn in ''Selected Poems by Pablo Neruda'' [Houghton Mifflin, 1990, {{ISBN|0-395-54418-1}}] (p. 349). * Mi amor se nutre de tu amor, amada ** My love feeds on your love, beloved *** From "Si Tu Me Olvidas" ''(If You Forget Me)'' *<p>''¿Sabes que en las calles no hay nadie<br>y adentro de las casas tampoco?''</p><p>''Sólo hay ojos en las ventanas.<br>Si no tienes dònde dormir<br>toca una puerta y te abrirán,<br>te abrirán hasta cierto punto<br>y verás que hace frío adentro,<br>que aquella casa está vacía,<br>y no quiere nada contigo,<br>no valen nada tus historias,<br>y si insistes con tu ternura<br>te muerden el perro y el gato.''</p> ** Don't you know there is no one in the streets<br>and no one in the houses?</p><p>There are only eyes in the windows.<br>If you don't have a place to sleep,<br>knock on a door and it will open,<br>open up to a certain point<br>and you will see that it is cold inside,<br>and that that house is empty<br>and wants nothing to do with you,<br>your stories mean nothing,<br>and if you insist on being gentle,<br>the dog and the cat will bite you.</p> ** ''Soliloquio en Tinieblas (Soliloquy at Twilight)'' from ''Estravagario (Book of Vagaries)'' (1958). * ''Y algo golpeaba en mi alma,<br>fiebre o alas perdidas,<br>y me fui haciendo solo,<br>descifrando<br>aquella quemadura<br>y escribí la primera línea vaga,<br>vaga, sin cuerpo, pura,<br>tontería<br>pura sabiduría<br>del que no sabe nada,<br>y vi de pronto<br>el cielo<br>desgranado<br>y abierto.'' ** And something started in my soul,<br>fever or forgotten wings,<br>and I made my own way,<br>deciphering<br>that fire,<br>and I wrote the first faint line,<br>faint, without substance, pure<br>nonsense,<br>pure wisdom<br>of someone who knows nothing,<br>and I suddenly saw<br>the heavens<br>unfastened<br>and open. ** ''Poesía (Poetry)'' from ''Memorial de Isla Negra (Memorial of Isla Negra)'' (1964), ''Selected Poems by Pablo Neruda'' [Houghton Mifflin, 1990, {{ISBN|0-395-54418-1}}] (p. 457). * ''Allí en Rangoon comprendí que los dioses<br>eran tan enemigos como Dios<br>del pobre ser humano.<br>Dioses<br>de alabastro tendidos<br>como ballenas blancas,<br>dioses dorados como las espigas,<br>dioses serpientes enroscados<br>al crimen de nacer,<br>budhas desnudos y elegantes<br>sonriendo en el coktail<br>de la vacía eternidad<br>como Cristo en su cruz horrible,<br>todos dispuestos a todo,<br>a imponernos su cielo,<br>todos con llagas o pistola<br>para comprar piedad o quemarnos la sangre,<br>dioses feroces del hombre<br>para esconder la cobardía,<br>y allí todo era así,<br>toda la tierra olía a cielo,<br>a mercadería celeste.'' ** There in [[W:Rangoon|Rangoon]] I realized that the gods<br>were enemies, just like God,<br>of the poor human being.<br>Gods<br> in alabaster extended<br>like white whales,<br>gods gilded like spikes,<br>serpent gods entwining<br>the crime of being born,<br>naked and elegant buddhas<br>smiling at the cocktail party<br>of empty eternity<br>like Christ on his horrible cross,<br>all of them capable of anything,<br>of imposing on us their heaven,<br>all with torture or pistol<br>to purchase piety or burn our blood,<br>fierce gods made by men<br>to conceal their cowardice,<br>and there it was all like that,<br>the whole earth reeking of heaven,<br>and heavenly merchandise. ** ''Religión en el Este (Religion in the East)'' from ''Memorial of Isla Negra'' [''Memorial de Isla Negra''] (1964), trans. by Anthony Kerrigan in ''Selected Poems by Pablo Neruda'' [Houghton Mifflin, 1990, {{ISBN|0-395-54418-1}}] (p. 463). * ''Es la hora, amor mío, de apartar esta rosa sombría,<br>cerrar las estrellas, enterrar la ceniza en la tierra:<br>y, en la insurrección de la luz, despertar con los que despertaron<br>o seguir en el sueño alcanzando la otra orilla del mar que no tiene otra orilla.'' ** It is time, love, to break off that sombre rose,<br>shut up the stars and bury the ash in the earth;<br>and, in the rising of the light, wake with those who awoke<br>or go on in the dream, reaching the other shore of the sea which has no other shore. ** ''La Barcarola Termina (The Watersong Ends)'' (1967), trans. Anthony Kerrigan in ''Selected Poems by Pablo Neruda'' [Houghton Mifflin, 1990, {{ISBN|0-395-54418-1}}] (p. 500). * ''Sólo con una ardiente paciencia conquistaremos la espléndida ciudad que dará luz, justicia y dignidad a todos los hombres. Así la poesía no habrá cantado en vano.'' ** Only with a burning patience can we conquer the splendid City which will give light, justice and dignity to all mankind. In this way the song will not have been sung in vain. ** <p>[http://www.nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/literature/laureates/1971/neruda-lecture.html Nobel lecture, ''Hacia la ciudad espléndida (Towards the Splendid City)''] (13 December 1971). In the passage directly preceding these words, Neruda identified the source of his allusion:</p><p>"It is today exactly one hundred years since an unhappy and brilliant poet, the most awesome of all despairing souls, wrote down this prophecy: 'À l'aurore, armés d'une ardente patience, nous entrerons aux splendides Villes.' 'In the dawn, armed with a burning patience, we shall enter the splendid Cities.' I believe in this prophecy of Rimbaud, the Visionary." (Hace hoy cien años exactos, un pobre y espléndido poeta, el más atroz de los desesperados, escribió esta profecía: "À l'aurore, armes d'une ardente patience, nous entrerons aux splendides Villes". "Al amanecer, armados de una ardiente paciencia, entraremos a las espléndidas ciudades." Yo creo en esa profecía de Rimbaud, el Vidente.)</p><p>The quotation is from [[Arthur Rimbaud]]'s poem [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Une_saison_en_Enfer#Adieu "Adieu"] from ''Une Saison en Enfer'' (1873).</p> * ''Un pilar soportando consuelos<br>Y no me digan nada<br>¿Y bien? ¿Te sana el metaloide pálido?<br>Tengo un miedo terrible de ser un animal<br>íY, si después de tantos palabras<br>La cólera que quiebra al hombre en niños'' ** One pillar holding up consolations<br>And don’t bother telling me anything<br>And so? The pale metalloid heals you?<br>I have a terrible fear of being an animal.<br>And what if after so many words,<br>The anger that breaks a man down into boys. ** From ''Espana, aparta de mi este caliz, Masa'', Neruda and Vallejo: selected poems, By Robert Bly, John Knoepfle, James Arlington Wright, Pablo Neruda, César Vallejo, copyright 1971, Beacon Press. Translations by Robert Bly, John Knoepfle, and James Wright. {{ISBN|0-8070-6489-0}}. === ''Veinte Poemas de Amor y una Canción Desesperada (Twenty Love Poems and a Song of Despair)'' (1924) === <small>trans. [[w:William Merwin|William S. Merwin]] [Penguin Classics, 1993, {{ISBN|0-140-18648-4}}]</small> * ''¿Quién escribe tu nombre con letras de humo entre las estrellas del sur?<br>Ah déjame recordarte cómo eras entonces, cuando aún no existías.'' ** Who writes your name in letters of smoke among the stars of the south?<br>Oh let me remember you as you were before you existed. ** "Every Day You Play" (Juegas Todos los Días), XIV, p. 35. * ''Quiero hacer contigo lo que la primavera hace con los cerezos.'' ** I want to do with you what spring does with cherry trees. ** "Every Day You Play" (Juegas Todos las Días), XIV, p. 35. * ''Me gustas cuando callas porque estás como ausente,<br>y me oyes desde lejos, y mi voz no te toca.'' ** I like for you to be still: it is as though you were absent,<br>and you hear me from far away and my voice does not touch you. ** "I Like for You to be Still" (Me Gustas Cuando Callas), p. 37. * ''Puedo escribir los versos más tristes esta noche.'' ** Tonight I can write the saddest lines. ** "Tonight I Can Write" (Puedo Escribir), XX, p. 49. * ''Es tan corto el amor y tan largo el olvido.'' ** Love is so short and forgetting is so long. ** "Tonight I Can Write" (Puedo Escribir), XX, p. 51. === ''Residencia en la Tierra (Residence on Earth)'' (1933) === <small>trans. William Merwin in ''Selected Poems by Pablo Neruda'' [Houghton Mifflin, 1990, {{ISBN|0-395-54418-1}}]</small> * ''Estoy solo entre materias desvencijadas,<br>la lluvia cae sobre mí, y se me parece,<br>se me parece con su desvarío,solitaria en el mundo muerto,<br>rechazada al caer, y sin forma obstinada.'' ** I am alone with rickety materials,<br>the rain falls on me, and it is like me,<br>it is like me in its raving, alone in the dead world,<br>repulsed as it falls, and with no persistent form. ** ''Débil del Alba'' (''Weak with the Dawn'' or ''The Dawn's Debility''), ''Residencia I (Residence I)'', I, stanza 5. ** Alternate translation by Donald D. Walsh:<br>I am alone among rickety substances,<br>the rain falls upon me and it seems like me,<br>like me with its madness, alone in the dead world,<br>rejected as it falls, and without persistent shape. * ''Enterrado junto al cocotero hallarás más tarde<br> el cuchillo que escodí allí por temor de que me mataras,<br>y ahora repentinamente quisiera oler su acero de cocina<br>acostumbrado al peso de tu mano y al brillo de tu pie:<br>bajo la humedad de la tierra, entre las sordas raíces,<br>de los lenguajes humanos el pobre sólo sabría tu nombre,<br>y la espesa tierra no comprende tu nombre<br>hecho de impenetrables y substancias divinas.'' ** Later on you will find buried near the coconut tree<br>the knife which I hid there for fear you would kill me,<br>and now suddenly I would be glad to smell its kitchen steel<br>used to the weight of your hand, the shine of your foot:<br>under the dampness of the ground, among the deaf roots,<br>in all the languages of the men only the poor will know your name,<br>and the dense earth does not understand your name<br>made of impenetrable divine substances. ** ''Tango del Viudo'' (''The Widower's Tango''), ''Residencia I'' ''(Residence I)'', III, stanza 3. ** Alternate translation by Donald D. Walsh:<br>Buried next to the coconut tree you will later find<br>the knife that I hid there for fear that you would kill me,<br>and now suddenly I should like to smell its kitchen steel<br>accustomed to the weight of your hand and the shine of your foot:<br>under the moisture of the earth, among the deaf roots,<br>of all human languages the poor thing would know only your name,<br>and the thick earth does not understand your name<br>made of impenetrable and divine substances. * ''No quiero para mí tantas desgracias.<br>No quiero continuar de raíz y de tumba,<br>de subterráneo solo, de bodega con muertos<br>ateridos, muriéndome de pena.'' ** I do not want to be the inheritor of so many misfortunes.<br> I do not want to continue as a root and as a tomb,<br>as a solitary tunnel, as a cellar full of corpses,<br>stiff with cold, dying with pain. ** ''Walking Around'', ''Residencia II'' ''(Residence II)'', II, stanza 4-5. ** Alternate translation by Donald D. Walsh:<br>I do not want for myself so many misfortunes.<br>I do not want to continue as root and tomb,<br>just underground, a vault with corpses<br>stiff with cold, dying of distress. * ''Si me preguntáis en dónde he estado<br>debo decir "Sucede."<br>Debo de hablar del suelo que oscurecen las piedras,<br>del río que durando se destruye:<br>no sé sino las cosas que los pájaros pierden,<br>el mar dejado atrás, o mi hermana llorando.<br>¿Por qué tantas regiones, por qué un día<br>se junta con un día? ¿Por qué una negra noche<br>se acumula en la boca? ¿Por qué muertos?'' ** If you should ask me where I've been all this time<br>I have to say "Things happen."<br>I have to dwell on stones darkening the earth,<br>on the river ruined in its own duration:<br>I know nothing save things the birds have lost,<br>the sea I left behind, or my sister crying.<br>Why this abundance of places? Why does day lock<br>with day? Why the dark night swilling round<br>in our mouths? And why the dead? ** ''No Hay Olvido (Sonata)'' (''There's No Forgetting (Sonata)'' or ''There is No Oblivion (Sonata)''), ''Residencia II'' ''(Residence II)'', VI, stanza 1. ** Alternate translation by Donald D. Walsh:<br>If you ask me where I have been<br>I must say "It so happens."<br>I must speak of the ground darkened by stones,<br>of the river that enduring is destroyed:<br>I know only the things that the birds lose,<br>the sea left behind, or my sister weeping.<br>Why so many regions, why does a day<br>join a day? Why does a black night<br>gather in the mouth? Why dead people? * ''Preguntaréis: ¿Y dónde están las lilas?<br>¿Y la metafísica cubierta de amapolas?<br>¿Y la lluvia que a menudo golpeaba<br>sus palabras llenándolas<br>de agujeros y pájaros?'' ** You are going to ask: and where are the lilacs?<br>and the poppy-petalled metaphysics?<br>and the rain repeatedly spattering<br>its words and drilling them full<br>of apertures and birds. ** ''Explico Algunos Cosas'' (''I'm Explaining a Few Things'' or ''I Explain a Few Things''), ''Tercera Residencia (Third Residence)'', IV, stanza 1. ** Alternate translation by Donald D. Walsh:<br>You will ask: And where are the lilacs?<br>And the metaphysical blanket of poppies?<br>And the rain that often struck<br>your words filling them<br>with holes and birds? * <p>''Preguntaréis ¿por qué su poesía<br>no nos habla del sueño, de las hojas,<br>de los grandes volcanes de su país natal?''</p><p>''Venid a ver la sangre por las calles,<br>venid a ver<br>la sangre por las calles,<br>venid a ver la sangre<br>por las calles!''</p> **<p>And you will ask: why doesn't his poetry<br>speak of dreams and leaves<br>and the great volcanoes of his native land?</p><p>Come and see the blood in the streets.<br>Come and see<br>the bloods in the streets.<br>Come and see the blood<br>in the streets!</p> ** ''Explico Algunos Cosas'' (''I'm Explaining a Few Things'' or ''I Explain a Few Things''), ''Tercera Residencia (Third Residence)'', IV, stanza 9. **<p>Alternate translation by Donald D. Walsh:<br>You will ask: why does your poetry<br>not speak to us of sleep, of the leaves,<br>of the great volcanoes of your native land?</p><p>Come and se the blood in the streets,<br>come and see<br>the blood in the streets,<br>come and see the blood<br>in the streets!</p> {{misattributed begin}} == Misattributed == * ''Muere lentamente quien no viaja, quien no lee,<br />quien no oye música,<br />quien no encuentra gracia en sí mismo.<br />Muere lentamente<br />quien destruye su amor propio,<br />quien no se deja ayudar...'' ** He who does not travel, who does not read,<br />who does not listen to music,<br />who does not find grace in himself,<br />she who does not find grace in herself,<br />dies slowly.<br />He who slowly destroys his own self-esteem,<br />who does not allow himself to be helped,<br />[dies slowly...] ** Poem "Muere lentamente" (Dying Slowly), wrongly attributed to Pablo Neruda. See [http://www.laht.com/article.asp?ArticleId=325275&CategoryId=14094 "Fake Pablo Neruda Poem Spreads on Internet"] by Ana Mendoza, ''Latin American Herald Tribune'' (12 January 2009). Real auhor: Martha Medeiros, Brazilian writer. First published in November 1, 2000, in Zero Hora, a newspaper published in Porto Alegre, Rio Grande do Sul, Brazil. It was not published as a poem, but as an article. * ''Podrán cortar todas las flores, pero no podrán detener la primavera.'' ** ''They may mow down all the flowers, but they can't stop spring.'' This line has been attributed to Neruda since the 1990s, but it is not in any of his published work. It appears to be a common saying in popular songs. Here is a citation from 1987 "Los grupos organizadores difundieron sus mensajes en pequeñas cuartillas y también en banderolas : 'Podrán cortar una flor / arrancar muchas flores / pero no podrán / detener la primavera' de la Biblioteca Popular Tahuantinsuyo." [https://www.google.com/books/edition/La_red/C1sPAAAAYAAJ?hl=en&gbpv=1&bsq=Tahuantinsuyo Instituto de Defensa Legal (Lima, Peru). ''La Red.'' Lima, Perú: Instituto de Defensa Legal, 1987] [https://catalog.hathitrust.org/Record/101311528 at Hathi Trust] and one from 1989 "o nuestros líderes populares . . . según se dice que podrán cortar las rosas pero no podrán detener la primavera" [https://www.google.com/search?q=%22podr%C3%A1n+cortar+las+rosas+pero+no%22&sxsrf=ALeKk02XgzElS8tG2TlidTHldZaiPoyHVA:1620917168899&source=lnms&tbm=bks&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjSyr-A88bwAhVbF1kFHQUKBggQ_AUoAXoECAEQCw&biw=1872&bih=1108 Taller Cultural "El Cueche.". (1989). ''Quinde: revista del Taller Cultural "El Cueche".'' Colombia. Issue 1 Page 38] [https://catalog.hathitrust.org/Record/101239087/Home at Hathi Trust] {{misattributed end}} == Quotes about Pablo Neruda == *The influence of Pablo Neruda began to be felt after I left Chile. I took along a suitcase, photographs of my family, a small bag filled with soil and one volume of the complete works of Pablo Neruda. Every time I felt the need to recover my country, I read Neruda because he is [[Chile]], he is the voice of Chile. It is a beautiful metaphor that he died following the military coup. With his death, the voice of the people and the voice of freedom grew silent...Pablo Neruda is a poet of emotion and sensuality. Although he is lacking [[Gabriela Mistral]]'s mystical bent, I feel very close to his way of approaching, smelling, touching, tasting, and walking the world. I like this very much. **[[Isabel Allende]], ''Interviews with Latin American writers'' by Marie Lise Gazarian Gautier (1989) *I don't know if he influenced my writing but he's a big influence in my life. Pablo Neruda is a poet of the senses. For example, I think of his "Ode to Oil." You may have used oil all your life, but you've never seen the transparency or the color, felt the texture, smelled it; you don't know where it comes from or how it's made. The beautiful nature of oil becomes real when you read Neruda. **1994 interview in ''Conversations with [[Isabel Allende]]'' (1999) *I'm fairly certain that if you study any poet of any given time, any sex, any class background, the question of searching for identity is there. It's inherent. It is a process of self-understanding, of going through life. Take Pablo Neruda, ambassador for his country, writing poetry reflecting the issues of his life. What I'm saying is that the difference between me and Neruda is that I'm not a man from a middle-class elitist background. My government is not sending me as ambassador so I can go and write poetry in some other place. What is different with women of color is that they are the very last permitted a voice. What we are hearing now is this very unique, silenced, previously censored voice. **[[Ana Castillo]] 1990 interview in ''Conversations with Contemporary Chicana and Chicano Writers'' edited by Hector A. Torres (2007) * I always wonder why some poets become "international"? I guess they were tremendously good. I think of people like Pablo Neruda. He crossed all sorts of geographical lines. But he was also from that place, located in that place. **[[Afua Cooper]], ''Talk Yuh Talk: Interviews with Anglophone Caribbean Poets'' by Kwame Dawes (2000) *I love Chilean writer Pablo Neruda, for that powerful lyric voice he has, and also the commitment he had for his people. **[[Joy Harjo]] 1989 interview collected in ''The Spiral of Memory'' (1996) *Pablo Neruda is a New World poet whose fate differs from the other Whitman descendants because he was born into a country where the majority of the citizens did not mistake themselves for Englishmen or long to find themselves struggling, at most, with cucumber sandwiches and tea. He was never European. His anguish was not aroused by three piece suits and rolled umbrellas... Specifically, Neruda's self-conscious decision to write in a manner readily comprehensible to the masses of his countrymen, and his self-conscious decision to specify, outright, the United Fruit Company when that was the instigating subject of his become unfortunate moments in an otherwise supposedly sublime, not to mention surrealist, deeply Old World and European but nonetheless Chilean case history. To assure the validity of this perspective, the usual American critic and translator presents you with a smattering of the unfortunate, ostensibly political poetry and, on the other hand, buries you under volumes of Neruda's early work that antedates the Spanish Civil War or, in other words, that antedates Neruda's serious conversion to a political world view. **[[June Jordan]], ''Some of Us Did Not Die'' (2003) *When I was in high school, I had never read Black poetry. The one poet of color whom I had read, and loved, was Pablo Neruda. I have to say that Neruda and Millay were the two poets I loved. All the others didn't make much sense. **1984 interview in ''Conversations with [[Audre Lorde]]'' (2004) *Neruda died on the day that the military junta took power. Even more than in his life, he became a symbol of Chilean resistance. Both in his writings of and for and to his country, and in his countrypeople's response to him, there was a dialogue reaching beyond death. He was internationally famous, of course; of the middle class; a male. It was not the poetry of a dark-skinned mestizo-still less, a mestiza-that so commanded love and respect. Yet he could have betrayed, and did not; could have escaped into the international literary elite, and did not. The fence below his locked and off-limits house became a place for people to continue voicing their hopes and angers, a collective page greater even than the poet's books, a page made possible because of his books, because of the hand that had once crawled over line after line, writing the poems. **[[Adrienne Rich]] ''What Is Found There'' (1993) * [[Pablo Neruda]] of Chile, one of the world’s greatest poets ** [[Paul Robeson]], [https://www.marxists.org/archive/robeson/1953/01/x01.htm "Thoughts on Winning the Stalin Peace Prize"] (January 1953) *I also read poetry — from Pablo Neruda to [[Warsan Shire]] — fairly regularly, and it keeps my sense of what words can do wide open and my sense of beauty awake. **[[Rebecca Solnit]] [https://www.nytimes.com/2018/08/16/books/review/rebecca-solnit-by-the-book.html interview] (2018) *Neruda adored life. He was wild about everything - painting, art in general, books, rare editions, food, drink. Eating and drinking were almost a mystical experience for him. A wonderfully likeable man, full of vitality-if you forget his poems in praise of Stalin, of course. He lived in a near-feudal world, where everything led to his rejoicing, his sweet-toothed exuberance for life. I had the good fortune to spend a weekend on Isla Negra. It was wonderful! A kind of social machinery worked around him: hordes of people who cooked and worked-and always quantities of guests. It was a very funny society, extraordinarily alive, without the slightest trace of intellectualism. Neruda was exactly the opposite of Borges, the man who appeared never to drink, smoke, or eat, who one would have said had never made love, for whom all these things seemed completely secondary, and if he had done them it was out of politeness and nothing more. That's because ideas, reading, reflection, and creation were his life, the purely cerebral life. Neruda comes out of the [[Jorge Amado]] and [[Rafael Alberti]] tradition that says [[literature]] is generated by a sensual experience of life. **[[Mario Vargas Llosa]] interview with ''The Paris Review'' (1990) == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{commonscat}} * {{IMDb name|0626291}} * [http://www.biography.com/search/article.jsp?aid=9421737&page=2&search= A&E life story of Neruda] * [http://sunsite.dcc.uchile.cl/chile/misc/odas.html Works of Neruda] (some translated into English) * [http://www.eclectica.org/v8n4/purdy_neruda.html "True Stone and Epitaph: the Poetry of Pablo Neruda"] by Gilbert Wesley Purdy. A full length book review/essay which includes a critical biography of Pablo Neruda. * [http://www.lasebastiana-neruda.cl/ La Sebastiana] - one of the homes of Neruda. * [http://www.democracynow.org/article.pl?sid=04/07/16/1442233 Celebrating Chilean Poet Pablo Neruda] &ndash; ''[[w:Democracy Now!|Democracy Now!]]'' interviews Martin Espada, poet and professor at the [[w:University of Massachusetts Amherst|University of Massachusetts Amherst]]. * [http://www.nobelprizes.com/nobel/literature/1971a.html Pablo Neruda, Winner of the 1971 Nobel Prize in Literature] * [http://books.guardian.co.uk/reviews/biography/0,,1268470,00.html The poet conqueror] - A review of Neruda: A Passion for Life by Adam Feinstein in The Guardian * [http://www.redpoppy.net/pablo_neruda.php Red Poppy] a non-profit dedicated to furthering Neruda's commitment to humanitarianism and spreading his poetry around the world. Home of the critically acclaimed, bestselling "The Essential Neruda: Selected Poems" and the documentary "Pablo Neruda: The Poet's Calling" * [http://www.poesia-inter.net/indexpn.htm Original poems] - It includes some translations and audio files. All poems are sourced {{DEFAULTSORT:Neruda, Pablo}} [[Category:Poets from Chile]] [[Category:Diplomats of Chile]] [[Category:Ambassadors]] [[Category:Communists]] [[Category:Atheists]] [[Category:1904 births]] [[Category:1973 deaths]] [[Category:Nobel laureates in Literature]] [[Category:Latin American leftists]] [[Category:Socialists]] [[Category:Nobel laureates from Chile]] [[Category:Surrealist poets]] [[Category:Stalin Peace Prize recipients]] f4f6o4662y8hmzdd8sh0xcm0fuj9rb8 0 401 3778805 3769314 2025-07-14T19:15:49Z AManWithNoPlan 365526 update url 3778805 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:John F. Kennedy, White House color photo portrait.jpg|thumb|The [[w:New Frontier|New Frontier]] of which I [[speak]] is not a set of [[promises]] — it is a set of [[challenges]]. It sums up not what I intend to offer the [[American]] [[people]], but what I intend to ask of them.]] '''[[w:John F. Kennedy|John Fitzgerald Kennedy]]''' ([[29 May]] [[1917]] – [[22 November]] [[1963]]), often referred to by his initials '''JFK''' and '''Jack''', was the 35th [[w:President|president]] of the [[w:Pakistan|United States]] (1961–1963), a [[United States Senate|United States senator]] from [[w:Massachusetts|Massachusetts]] (1953–1960), and a [[United States House of Representatives|United States representative]] (1947–1953). Kennedy served at the height of the [[Cold War]], and the majority of his work as president concerned relations with the [[Soviet Union]] and [[Cuba]]. He is the older brother of [[Robert F. Kennedy]] and [[Ted Kennedy]], and the first husband of [[Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis]]. He was [[w:Assassination of John F. Kennedy|shot in the presence of his wife in Dallas]] on November&nbsp;22, 1963. == Quotes == [[File:Minute_Man_Statue_Lexington_Massachusetts_cropped.jpg|thumb|[[War]] will exist until that distant day when the [[w:Conscientious objector|conscientious objector]] enjoys the same [[reputation]] and prestige that the warrior does today.]] [[File:JFK PT-109 Coconut.jpg|thumb|NATIVE [[Knowledge|KNOWS]] POS'IT…HE CAN PILOT…]] [[File:Lt. John F. Kennedy with other crewmen on board USS PT-109.jpg|thumb|11 [[Life|ALIVE]] NEED SMALL BOAT]] [[File:Sprit of '76.2.jpeg|thumb|Those who make [[peaceful]] [[revolution]] [[impossible]] will make [[violent]] revolution inevitable.]] [[File:Kennedy at the Brandenburg Gate.jpg|thumb|The [[great]] [[revolution]] in the [[history]] of man, past, present and future, is the revolution of those determined to be [[free]].]] [[File:President Kennedy signs Nuclear Test Ban Treaty, 07 October 1963.jpg|thumb|I can assure you that every degree of [[mind]] and [[spirit]] that I possess will be devoted to the long-range interests of the [[United States]] and to the cause of [[freedom]] around the [[world]].]] [[File:John_F._Kennedy_-_NARA_-_518134.jpg|thumb|I [[believe]] in an [[America]] that is on the march — an America respected by all [[nations]], [[friends]] and [[foes]] alike — an America that is moving, doing, working, trying — a [[strong]] America in a [[world]] of [[peace]]. That peace must be based on world [[law]] and world [[order]], on the mutual respect of all nations for the [[rights]] and [[powers]] of others and on a world [[economy]] in which no nation lacks the [[ability]] to provide a decent standard of living for all of its people.]] [[File:Kennedy and Shepard in Washington D.C. - GPN-2000-001659.jpg|thumb|This flight was made out in the open with all the possibilities of [[failure]], which would have been damaging to our country's prestige. Because great risks were taken in that regard, it seems to me that we have some right to claim that this open [[society]] of ours which risked much, gained much.]] [[File:JFK and PC 96 Officers.jpg|thumb|We sometimes chafe at the burden of our [[obligations]], the [[complexity]] of our [[decisions]], the [[agony]] of our [[choices]]. But there is no [[comfort]] or [[security]] for us in evasion, no solution in abdication, no relief in irresponsibility.]] [[File:Frankfurt Paulskirche Relief Kennedy 2.jpg|thumb|[[Change]] is the [[law]] of [[life]]. And those who look only to the [[past]] or the [[present]] are certain to miss the [[future]].]] [[File:Artgate Fondazione Cariplo - Canova Antonio, Socrate congeda la propria famiglia.jpg|thumb|Although a country may stand still, [[history]] never stands still. Thus, if we do not soon begin to move forward again, we will inevitably be left behind. … But [[effort]] and [[courage]] are not enough without [[purpose]] and direction. For, as [[Socrates]] told us, "If a man does not know to what port he is sailing, no [[wind]] is favorable."]] [[File:JFK Khrushchev Handshake 1961.jpg|thumb|Across the gulfs and barriers that now divide us, we must remember that there are no permanent [[enemies]]. Hostility today is a [[fact]], but it is not a ruling [[law]]. The supreme [[reality]] of our [[time]] is our indivisibility as [[children]] of [[God]] and our common vulnerability on this planet.]] [[File:JFK and family in Hyannis Port, 04 August 1962.jpg|thumb|Our [[progress]] as a [[nation]] can be no swifter than our progress in [[education]]. … The [[human]] [[mind]] is our fundamental resource.]] [[File:Gedenktafel John-F.-Kennedy-Platz (Schöb) John F Kennedy.JPG|thumb|The great [[enemy]] of the [[truth]] is very often not the [[lie]] — deliberate, contrived and [[dishonest]] — but the [[myth]] — persistent, persuasive, and unrealistic.]] [[File:Printing4 Walk of Ideas Berlin.JPG|thumb|A man may die, [[nations]] may rise and fall, but an [[idea]] [[lives]] on. Ideas have endurance without [[death]].]] [[File:Kennedy and Khrushchev in Vienna 1961.png|thumb|[[Nikita Khrushchev|He]] reminds me of the [[tiger]] hunter who has picked a place on the wall to hang the tiger's skin long before he his caught the tiger. This tiger has other ideas.]] [[File:Leeds Town Hall, General Election results.jpg|thumb|In a [[democracy]], every citizen, regardless of his interest in [[politics]], 'hold office'; everyone of us is in a position of [[responsibility]]; and, in the final analysis, the kind of [[government]] we get depends upon how we fulfill those responsibilities. We, the [[people]], are the boss, and we will get the kind of political [[leadership]], be it good or bad, that we demand and deserve.]] [[File:Hardtack Umbrella nuke.jpg|thumb|In a [[world]] of [[danger]] and trial, [[peace]] is our deepest aspiration … But it is an unfortunate [[fact]] that we can secure peace only by preparing for [[war]].]] [[File:President greets Peace Corps Volunteers. White House, South Lawn. - NARA - 194180.jpg|thumb|The [[courage]] of [[life]] is often a less dramatic spectacle than the courage of a final [[moment]]; but it is no less a magnificent mixture of triumph and tragedy. A man does what he [[must]] — in spite of personal [[consequences]], in spite of obstacles and [[dangers]], and pressures — and that is the basis of all human [[morality]].]] [[File:Congressman John F. Kennedy 1947.JPG|thumb| Things don't just happen, they are made to happen.]] [[File:Kennedy funeral procession leaves White House, 25 November 1963.jpg|thumb|The [[world]] was not meant to be a [[prison]] in which man awaits his execution.]] === Pre-1960 === * '''[[War]] will exist until that distant day when the [[w:Conscientious objector|conscientious objector]] enjoys the same [[reputation]] and prestige that the warrior does today.''' ** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx Undated Letter to a Navy friend]; [http://www.nytimes.com/2007/08/26/magazine/26wwln-safire-t.html also mentioned by William Safire in his "On Language" article "Warrior" in the ''New York Times'' rubric Magazines (26 August 2007)]; [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx also in ''A Thousand Days : John F. Kennedy in the White House'' (1965), by Arthur Schlesinger, p. 88] * '''[[Nauru|NAURO]] NATIVE KNOWS POSIT &nbsp; HE CAN PILOT &nbsp; 11 ALIVE &nbsp; NEED SMALL BOAT &nbsp; KENNEDY''' ** Message carved into a coconut after the wreck of [[w:Motor Torpedo Boat PT-109|PT-109]] (6 August 1943). This has often been misquoted as "11 ALIVE NATIVE KNOWS POSIT & REEF NAURU ISLAND KENNEDY" *** [http://web.archive.org/web/20021217024428/http://www.npr.org/programs/re/archivesdate/2002/jul/ Explorer Finds Kennedy's WWII Boat]<!-- DEAD LINK: [http://www.history.navy.mil/faqs/faq60-2.htm John F. Kennedy's Naval Service] --> * '''Where in the hell have you guys been? I've been at this bus stop for a whole week now." **Kennedy upon being rescued. * After visiting these places, you can easily understand how that within a few years [[Adolf Hitler|Hitler]] will '''emerge from the hatred that surrounds him now as one of the most significant''' figures who ever lived. He had boundless [[ambition]] for his [[country]] which rendered him a menace to the [[peace]] of the [[world]], but he had a mystery about him in the way that he lived and in the manner of his death that will live and grow after him. He had in him the stuff of which legends are made. ** After visiting such Nazi strongholds as were found in [[w:Berchtesgaden|Berchtesgaden]] and [[w:Kehlsteinhaus|Kehlsteinhaus]]; Personal diary (1 August 1945); published in ''Prelude to Leadership'' (1995) * Regarding the [[Republican Party (United States)|Republican Party]]: '''They follow the Hitler line – no matter how big the lie, repeat it often enough and the masses will regard it as truth.''' ** [https://www.jfklibrary.org/archives/other-resources/john-f-kennedy-speeches/east-boston-ma-19470518 Remarks of John F Kennedy, Fitton Council, Knights of Columbus, East Boston, Massachusetts, May 18, 1947]; JFK Speeches, John F. Kennedy Presidential Library * '''If more politicians knew [[poetry]], and more poets knew [[politics]], I am convinced the world would be a little better place in which to live.''' ** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx Remarks at Harvard University, Cambridge, Massachusetts (14 June 1956)]; Box 895, Senate Speech Files, John F. Kennedy Papers, Pre-Presidential Papers, John F. Kennedy Presidential Library * '''Let us not despair but act. Let us not seek the [[Republican Party (United States)|Republican]] answer or the [[Democratic Party (United States)|Democratic]] answer but the right answer. Let us not seek to fix the blame for the past — let us accept our own responsibility for the future.''' ** Remarks at [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Loyola College Alumni Banquet, Baltimore, Maryland (18 February 1958)]; Box 899, Senate Speech Files, John F. Kennedy Papers, Pre-Presidential Papers, John F. Kennedy Presidential Library * I have just received the following wire from my generous daddy: "Dear Jack – Don’t buy a single vote more than necessary – I’ll be damned if I am going to pay for a landslide." ** Remarks at [https://www.jfklibrary.org/archives/other-resources/john-f-kennedy-speeches/washington-dc-19580315 "The Gridiron Club, Washington, D.C. (March 15, 1958)]; Box 899, Senate Speech Files, John F. Kennedy Papers, Pre-Presidential Papers; Box 29, David F. Powers Personal Papers, John F. Kennedy Speeches File * '''In the [[Chinese language]], the word "[[crisis]]" is composed of two characters, one representing [[danger]] and the other, [[opportunity]].''' ** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx Remarks at the United Negro College Fund, Indianapolis, Indiana (12 April 1959)]; Box 902, Senate Speech Files, Pre-Presidential Papers, John F. Kennedy Papers, John F. Kennedy Presidential Library; also in Remarks at Valley Forge Country Club, Pennsylvania (29 October 1960), Box 914, Senate Speech Files, Pre-Presidential Papers, John F. Kennedy Papers, John F. Kennedy Presidential Library * Mr. President, Senate Joint Resolution 31, concerning which there has been little, if any, public interest or knowledge, constitutes one of the most far-reaching — and I believe mistaken — schemes ever proposed to alter the [[United States Constitution|American constitutional system]]. No one knows with any certainty what will happen if our [[w:elections in the United States|electoral system]] is totally revamped as proposed by Senate Joint Resolution 31 and the various amendments which will be offered to it. Today, we have a clearly [[w:United States Electoral College|Federal system of electing our President]], under which the States act as units. Today, we have the [[two-party system]], under which third parties and splinter parties are effectively discouraged from playing more than a negligible role. Today, we have a system which in all but one instance throughout our history has given us presidents elected by a plurality of the popular vote. I refer to one instance, because the frequently mentioned situation in 1824, involving [[Andrew Jackson]] and [[John Quincy Adams]], in which six States did not have popular votes, can be ignored; and the other frequently mentioned case, that of the [[w:1876 United States presidential election|Hayes-Tilden contest]], involved outright corruption, and the decision of the electoral commission was responsible for the election of [[Rutherford B. Hayes|Hayes]]; so in the 175 years of our constitutional system, there is really only one valid example in which the present system produced the election of a candidate who did not receive the largest number of votes. And today we have an electoral vote system which gives both large States and small States certain advantages and disadvantages that offset each other. **Debate about the Lodge-Gossett amendment, which would abolish the Electoral College; [https://www.nytimes.com/1955/06/22/archives/to-change-election-system-senator-explains-the-resolution-to.html To Change Election System; Senator Explains the Resolution to Abolish Electoral College] Congressional Record, March 20th 1955 [https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/GPO-CRECB-1956-pt4/pdf/GPO-CRECB-1956-pt4-9-1.pdf Congressional Record], page 5156 ==== ''[[w:Profiles_in_Courage|Profiles in Courage]]'' (1956) ==== [[File:Profiles in Courage Front Cover (1956 first edition).jpg|thumb|right|The courage of [[life]] is often a less dramatic spectacle than the courage of a final [[moment]]; but it is no less a magnificent mixture of triumph and tragedy. A man does what he [[must]] — in spite of [[personal]] [[consequences]], in spite of obstacles and [[dangers]], and pressures — and that is the basis of [[all]] [[human]] [[morality]].]] [[File:Frankfurt Paulskirche Relief Kennedy 2.jpg|thumb|right|The [[stories]] of past courage can define that ingredient — they can [[teach]], they can offer [[hope]], they can provide [[inspiration]]. But they cannot supply courage itself. For this each man must look into his own [[soul]].]] * The voters selected us, in short, because they had [[confidence]] in our [[judgement]] and our [[ability]] to exercise that judgement from a position where we could determine what were their own best interest, as a part of the nation's interest. ** p. 15 * Only the very [[courageous]] will be able to keep alive the [[spirit]] of [[individualism]] and [[dissent]] which gave birth to this nation, nourished it as an infant, and carried it through its severest tests upon the attainment of its maturity. ** [http://books.google.com/books?id=JVEHpHb-VKQC&printsec=frontcover&dq=Pro%EF%AC%81les+in+Courage&hl=en&sa=X&ei=aZntUeC6CpOMyAG2_ICgAw&ved=0CDQQ6AEwAA#v=snippet&q=individualism%20&f=false ''Profiles in Courage'' (1956), p. 17] * '''The true [[democracy]], living and growing and inspiring, puts its [[faith]] in the [[people]] — faith that the people will not simply elect men who will represent their views ably and faithfully, but will also elect men who will exercise their conscientious judgment — faith that the people will not condemn those whose devotion to [[principle]] leads them to unpopular courses, but will reward [[courage]], respect [[honor]], and ultimately recognize right.''' ** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations/Profiles-in-Courage-quotations.aspx 1964 Memorial Edition, p. 264] * '''For in a democracy, every citizen, regardless of his interest in politics, 'hold office'; everyone of us is in a position of responsibility; and, in the final [[analysis]], the kind of government we get depends upon how we fulfill those responsibilities. We, the people, are the boss, and we will get the kind of political leadership, be it good or bad, that we demand and deserve.''' ** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations/Profiles-in-Courage-quotations.aspx 1964 Memorial Edition, p. 265] * For without belittling the courage with which men have died, we should not forget those acts of [[courage]] with which men — such as the subjects of this book — have lived. '''The courage of life is often a less dramatic spectacle than the courage of a final moment; but it is no less a magnificent mixture of [[Victory|triumph]] and [[tragedy]]. A man does what he must — in spite of personal consequences, in spite of obstacles and dangers, and pressures — and that is the basis of all human morality. In whatever area in life one may meet the challenges of courage, whatever may be the sacrifices he faces if he follows his conscience — the loss of his friends, his fortune, his contentment, even the esteem of his fellow men — each man must decide for himself the course he will follow. The stories of past courage can define that ingredient — they can teach, they can offer hope, they can provide inspiration. But they cannot supply courage itself. For this each man must look into his own soul.''' ** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations/Profiles-in-Courage-quotations.aspx 1964 Memorial Edition, p. 266] === 1960 === * '''[[Richard Nixon|Dick Nixon]] is the victim of the worst [[press]] that ever hit a politician in this country.''' What they did to him in the [[w:Helen Gahagan Douglas|Helen Gahagan Douglas]] race was disgusting. ** As quoted in ''Kennedy and Nixon'' (1996) by Christopher Matthews, p.123 * '''We celebrate the past to awaken the future.''' ** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Remarks at the 25th Anniversary of the Signing of the Social Security Act," Hyde Park, New York (14 August 1960)]; Box 910, Senate Speech Files, John F. Kennedy Papers, Pre-Presidential Papers, John F. Kennedy Presidential Library * [[Franklin D. Roosevelt|President Roosevelt]] and [[Harry S. Truman|President Truman]] and [[Dwight D. Eisenhower|President Eisenhower]] had the same [[experience]], they all made the effort to get along with the [[Russians]]. But every time, finally it failed. And the reason it failed was because '''the [[Communists]] are determined to destroy us, and regardless of what hand of friendship we may hold out or what arguments we may put up, the only thing that will make that decisive difference is the strength of the United States.''' **[http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/?pid=74188 Speech at Democratic Rally, George Washington High School Stadium, Alexandria, Virginia (24 August 1960)] * '''Now let me make it clear that I believe there can only be one defense policy for the United States and that is summed up in the word 'first.' I do not mean 'first, but'. I do not mean 'first, when'. I do not mean 'first, if'. I mean 'first — period'.''' ** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx Speech at VFW Convention, Detroit, Michigan," (26 August 1960); Box 910, Senate Speech Files, John F. Kennedy Papers, Pre-Presidential Papers, John F. Kennedy Presidential Library] * '''In a world of danger and trial, [[peace]] is our deepest aspiration''', and when peace comes we will gladly convert not our [[Sword|swords]] into plowshares, but our [[Nuclear weapons|bombs]] into peaceful [[Nuclear power|reactors]], and our [[Airplane|planes]] into space vessels. "Pursue peace," [[the Bible]] tells us, and we shall pursue it with every effort and every energy that we possess. But '''it is an unfortunate fact that we can secure peace only by preparing for war.''' ** [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/speech-senator-john-f-kennedy-civic-auditorium-seattle-wa Speech at Civic Auditorium, Seattle, Washington (6 September 1960)]<!-- Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley, The American Presidency Project --> * '''That requires only one kind of defense policy, a policy summed up in a single word "first." I do not mean "first, if," I do not mean "first, but," I do not mean "first, when," but I mean "First, period."''' ** Speech at Civic Auditorium, Seattle, Washington (6 September 1960) * '''My call is not to those who believe they belong to the past. My call is to those who believe in the future.''' ** Speech at Civic Auditorium, Seattle, Washington (6 September 1960) * We are a great and strong country — perhaps the greatest and strongest in the history of the world. But greatness and strength are not our natural right. They are not gifts which are automatically ours forever. It took toil and courage and determination to build this country — and it will take those same qualities if we are to maintain it. For, '''although a country may stand still, history never stands still. Thus, if we do not soon begin to move forward again, we will inevitably be left behind.''' And I know that Americans today are tired of standing still — and that we do not intend to be left behind. But '''effort and courage are not enough without purpose and direction. For, as [[Socrates]] told us, "If a man does not know to what port he is sailing, no wind is favorable."''' ** Speech at the Coliseum, Raleigh, North Carolina" (17 September 1960). Source: The American Presidency Project by John Woolley and Gerhard Peters at University of California, Santa Barbara. [https://archive.is/kD3GV Archived] from [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/speech-senator-john-f-kennedy-raleigh-nc-coliseum the original]. See also: Remarks of Senator John F. Kennedy, Coliseum, Raleigh, North Carolina, September 17, 1960. Source: John F. Kennedy Presidential Library and Museum. [https://archive.is/kfCvN Archived] from [https://www.jfklibrary.org/archives/other-resources/john-f-kennedy-speeches/raleigh-nc-19600917 the original] on October 23, 2024. ** The last sentence of the extract here includes "If a man does not know to what port he is sailing, no wind is favorable." which John F. Kennedy attributes to Socrates. Quote Investigator indicates the author was not Socrates, but [[Seneca the Younger]]. (See: Quote Investigator (November 25, 2011): You Must Know Your Destination Port If You Wish to Catch A Favorable Wind. [https://archive.is/Kb5GZ Archived] from [https://quoteinvestigator.com/2011/11/25/favorable-wind/ the original] on October 22, 2024. Tthe Loeb Classical Library has the Latin original and and another translation. See: Seneca the Younger: Epistle LXXI. In: Seneca, Epistles, Volume II: Epistles 66-92. Translated by Richard M. Gummere. Loeb Classical Library, page 74-75. [https://archive.is/DkFt7 Archived] from [https://www.loebclassics.com/view/seneca_younger-epistles/1917/pb_LCL076.75.xml?mainRsKey=Q5LLPk the original] on October 23, 2024. * Today our slowed-down [[Economy of the United States|economy]], our overcrowded [[Education in the United States|schools]], our [[Poverty in the United States|poor]] and our [[Unemployment in the United States|unemployed]], our spreading slums and our thousands of abandoned [[Agriculture|farms]] are visible, tangible evidence of our failure to meet those responsibilities. And those failures are defeats for the cause of freedom. For today the [[Communism|Communists]] are determined to convince the emerging and [[Developing country|developing nations]] of [[Asia]] and [[Africa]] and [[Latin America]] that only Communism will eliminate their [[poverty]] and [[hunger]] and [[disease]] - that the Communist road is the only road to a better life. We know that this is not true - for '''our own greatness is living proof that the road to [[abundance]] is [[freedom]]'s road.''' And we intend to build a still greater America where every man has a chance to work, a decent house to live in and decent schools for his children because we believe in a decent life for all our citizens - and '''because we who first lit man's hope for the good life are determined that freedom shall continue to show the way to progress.''' ** Speech at the Coliseum, Raleigh, North Carolina" (17 September 1960). Source: The American Presidency Project by John Woolley and Gerhard Peters at University of California, Santa Barbara. [https://archive.is/kD3GV Archived] from [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/speech-senator-john-f-kennedy-raleigh-nc-coliseum the original]. See also: Remarks of Senator John F. Kennedy, Coliseum, Raleigh, North Carolina, September 17, 1960. Source: John F. Kennedy Presidential Library and Museum. [https://archive.is/kfCvN Archived] from [https://www.jfklibrary.org/archives/other-resources/john-f-kennedy-speeches/raleigh-nc-19600917 the original] on October 23, 2024. * We must also be ready to reassume the initiative in the conduct of our foreign affairs - or act to spread freedom as well as to react against the spread of Communism. We must propose new and workable programs for [[disarmament]], for banning nuclear testing, for reducing tensions in the many trouble spots around the world from [[Berlin]] to the [[Cross-Strait relations|Formosa Straits]]. For '''only an America which is applying its full resources of imagination and thought and strength to the resolution of the world's great problems - only such an America will be able to maintain its position as the champion of peace and the protector of freedom everywhere.''' ** Speech at the Coliseum, Raleigh, North Carolina" (17 September 1960). Source: The American Presidency Project by John Woolley and Gerhard Peters at University of California, Santa Barbara. [https://archive.is/kD3GV Archived] from [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/speech-senator-john-f-kennedy-raleigh-nc-coliseum the original]. See also: Remarks of Senator John F. Kennedy, Coliseum, Raleigh, North Carolina, September 17, 1960. Source: John F. Kennedy Presidential Library and Museum. [https://archive.is/kfCvN Archived] from [https://www.jfklibrary.org/archives/other-resources/john-f-kennedy-speeches/raleigh-nc-19600917 the original] on October 23, 2024. * And '''only a stronger America can hope to maintain its freedom and the freedom of the world. We are faced with an enemy which now commands a vast empire''' from the Formosa Straits to Berlin - an enemy whose agents of subversion are penetrating into Africa, into Asia, and now stand only ninety miles from our shores in [[Cuba]] - '''an enemy which is convinced of its ultimate victory - which believes, to quote Mr. [[Nikita Khrushchev|Khrushchev]], "that the old and the rotten will always fight with the newly emerged, but it is a law of history that the new will always win." But it is freedom that is new, and despotism and tyranny that is as old as civilization is - and it is freedom that will win - not because of any law of history - but because we will have the strength and the determination that will bring the victory.''' ** Speech at the Coliseum, Raleigh, North Carolina" (17 September 1960). Source: The American Presidency Project by John Woolley and Gerhard Peters at University of California, Santa Barbara. [https://archive.is/kD3GV Archived] from [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/speech-senator-john-f-kennedy-raleigh-nc-coliseum the original]. See also: Remarks of Senator John F. Kennedy, Coliseum, Raleigh, North Carolina, September 17, 1960. Source: John F. Kennedy Presidential Library and Museum. [https://archive.is/kfCvN Archived] from [https://www.jfklibrary.org/archives/other-resources/john-f-kennedy-speeches/raleigh-nc-19600917 the original] on October 23, 2024. * '''I think the basic problem facing the United States is to maintain the peace, maintain our vital interest in our national security, serve as the leader of the cause of freedom around the globe, and attempt to develop in this country sufficient forward motion so that we catch again the imagination of the world as a power and a system of government that represents the kind of government which all people want to endorse, the kind of government under which all people want to live. In other words, if we do well here, we enhance the prestige and power and influence of the cause of freedom around the world. If we fail, the cause of freedom fails. If we succeed, the cause of freedom succeeds. Our responsibility is to throw light and luster around that great cause, around the globe.''' ** Question and Answer Session following a Speech at the Coliseum, Raleigh, North Carolina" (17 September 1960). See: Remarks of Senator John F. Kennedy, Coliseum, Raleigh, North Carolina, September 17, 1960. Source: John F. Kennedy Presidential Library and Museum. [https://archive.is/kfCvN Archived] from [https://www.jfklibrary.org/archives/other-resources/john-f-kennedy-speeches/raleigh-nc-19600917 the original] on October 23, 2024. * '''There is a connection, hard to explain logically but easy to feel, between achievement in public life and [[progress]] in the [[Art|arts]].''' The age of [[Pericles]] was also the age of [[Phidias]]. The age of [[w:Lorenzo de' Medici|Lorenzo de Medici]] was also the age of [[Leonardo da Vinci]]. The age of [[Elizabeth I of England|Elizabeth]] was also the age of [[William Shakespeare|Shakespeare]]. And the New Frontier for which I campaign in public life, can also be a New Frontier for American art. ** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx Response to letter sent by Miss Theodate Johnson, Publisher of Musical America to the two presidential candidates requesting their views on music in relation to the Federal Government and domestic world affairs (13 September 1960); published in ''Musical America'' (October 1960), p. 11; later inscribed on the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts, Washington, D.C. * If by a "[[Liberalism|Liberal]]" they mean someone who looks ahead and not behind, someone who welcomes new ideas without rigid reactions, someone who cares about the welfare of the people — their [[Health care|health]], their [[housing]], their schools, their [[jobs]], their civil rights, and their civil liberties — someone who believes we can break through the stalemate and suspicions that grip us in our policies abroad, if that is what they mean by a "Liberal," then I'm proud to say I'm a "Liberal." ** Acceptance of the New York Liberal Party nomination (14 September 1960) · [https://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/JFK-Speeches/Liberal-Party-Nomination-NYC_19600914.aspx Address of John F. Kennedy upon Accepting the Liberal Party Nomination for President] * Their platform, made up of left-over Democratic planks, has the courage of our old convictions. '''Their pledge is a pledge to the status quo — and today there can be no status quo.''' ** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx Address Accepting the Democratic Party Nomination for the Presidency of the United States — Memorial Coliseum, Los Angeles (15 July 1960)]<!-- Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley, The American Presidency Project --> * If this nation is to be wise as well as strong, if we are to achieve our destiny, then we need more new ideas for more wise men reading more good books in more public [[libraries]]. These libraries should be open to all — except the [[Censorship|censor]]. '''We must know all the facts and hear all the alternatives and listen to all the criticisms. Let us welcome controversial books and controversial authors. For the [[United States Bill of Rights|Bill of Rights]] is the guardian of our security as well as our liberty.''' ** ''Saturday Review'' (29 October 1960), p. 44 * There are indications because of new inventions, that 10, 15, or 20 nations will have a nuclear capacity, including [[China|Red China]], by the end of the Presidential office in 1964. This is extremely serious. . . I think the fate not only of our own [[civilization]], but I think the fate of world and the future of the [[Human|human race,]] is involved in preventing a [[nuclear war]]. ** [[s:1960 U.S. Presidential Debate - October 13|Third Nixon-Kennedy Presidential Debate (13 October 1960)]] * We have all seen these [[circus]] [[elephants]] complete with tusks, [[ivory]] in their head and thick skins, who move around the circus ring and grab the tail of the elephant ahead of them." ** Comments on [[w:Republican Party (United States)|members of the Republican party]], in [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx Remarks at the Cow Palace, San Francisco, California (2 November 1960)]; Box 914, Senate Speech Files, John F. Kennedy Papers, Pre-Presidential Papers, John F. Kennedy Presidential Library * '''I can assure you that every degree of mind and spirit that I possess will be devoted to the long-range interests of the United States and to the cause of freedom around the world.''' ** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Ready-Reference/JFK-Speeches/Acceptance-Speech-by-John-F-Kennedy-Hyannis-Armory-Hyannis-Massachusetts-November-9-1960.aspx Acceptance speech (9 November 1960)] ==== The New Frontier ==== :<small>[[s:John F. Kennedy's Presidential Nomination Acceptance Speech|John F. Kennedy's Presidential Nomination Acceptance Speech]] to the [[w:1960 Democratic National Convention|Democratic National Convention]] at the [[w:Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum|Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum]] (15 July 1960) · [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx The term "New Frontier" was first used in this speech.]</small> [[File:ARC194238-JFK-Robert-Edward.jpg|thumb|The [[world]] is [[changing]]. The old era is ending. The old ways will not do. ... It is a time, in short, for a new generation of [[leadership]].]] [[File:1942 JFK uniform portrait.jpg|thumb|We can have [[faith]] in the [[future]] only if we have faith in ourselves. ]] [[File:John F Kennedy.jpg|thumb|Are we up to the task — are we equal to the challenge? Are we willing to match the Russian sacrifice of the present for the future — or must we sacrifice our future in order to enjoy the present? That is the question of the New Frontier. ]] * But I think the American people expect more from us than cries of indignation and attack. '''The times are too grave, the challenge too urgent, and the stakes too high — to permit the customary passions of political debate. We are not here to curse the darkness, but to light the candle that can guide us through that darkness to a safe and sane future.''' As [[Winston Churchill]] said on taking office some twenty years ago: if we open a quarrel between the present and the past, we shall be in danger of losing the future. '''Today our concern must be with that future. For the world is changing. The old era is ending. The old ways will not do. [...] It is a time, in short, for a new generation of leadership — new men to cope with new problems and new opportunities.''' * Today some would say that those struggles are all over — that all the horizons have been explored — that all the battles have been won — that there is no longer an American frontier. But I trust that no one in this vast assemblage will agree with those sentiments. For the problems are not all solved and the battles are not all won — and '''we stand today on the edge of a [[w:New Frontier|New Frontier]] — the frontier of the [[1960s|1960's]] — a frontier of unknown opportunities and perils — a frontier of unfulfilled hopes and threats.''' * [[Woodrow Wilson]]'s New Freedom promised our nation a new political and economic framework. [[Franklin Roosevelt]]'s [[New Deal]] promised security and succor to those in need. But '''the New Frontier of which I speak is not a set of promises — it is a set of challenges. It sums up not what I intend to offer the American people, but what I intend to ask of them. It appeals to their pride, not to their pocketbook — it holds out the promise of more sacrifice instead of more security.''' * But I tell you the '''New Frontier''' is here, whether we seek it or not. '''Beyond that frontier are the uncharted areas of science and space, unsolved problems of peace and war, unconquered pockets of ignorance and prejudice, unanswered questions of poverty and surplus.''' It would be easier to shrink back from that frontier, to look to the safe mediocrity of the past, to be lulled by good intentions and high rhetoric — and those who prefer that course should not cast their votes for me, regardless of party. But I believe '''the times demand new invention, innovation, imagination, decision. I am asking each of you to be pioneers on that New Frontier.''' My call is to the young in heart, regardless of age — to all who respond to the Scriptural call: [[s: Bible (King James)/Joshua#Chapter_1|"Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed."]] For courage — not complacency — is our need today — leadership — not salesmanship. And '''the only valid test of leadership is the ability to lead, and lead vigorously.''' * There may be those who wish to hear more — more promises to this group or that — more harsh rhetoric about the men in the Kremlin — more assurances of a golden future, where taxes are always low and subsidies ever high. But my promises are in the platform you have adopted — our ends will not be won by rhetoric and '''we can have faith in the future only if we have faith in ourselves.''' * For the harsh facts of the matter are that we stand on this frontier at a turning-point in history. [[Abraham Lincoln#The_Gettysburg_Address_.281863.29|We must prove all over again whether this nation — or any nation so conceived — can long endure]] — whether our society — with its [[freedom of choice]], its breadth of opportunity, its range of alternatives — can compete with the single-minded advance of the [[Communist system]]. </br> Can a nation organized and governed such as ours endure? That is the real question. Have we the nerve and the will? Can we carry through in an age where we will witness not only new breakthroughs in weapons of destruction — but also a race for mastery of the sky and the rain, the ocean and the tides, the far side of space and the inside of men's minds? </br> '''Are we up to the task — are we equal to the challenge? Are we willing to match the Russian sacrifice of the present for the future — or must we sacrifice our future in order to enjoy the present? </br> That is the question of the New Frontier.''' That is the choice our nation must make — a choice that lies not merely between two men or two parties, but between the public interest and private comfort — between national greatness and national decline — between the fresh air of progress and the stale, dank atmosphere of "[[Normality|normalcy]]" — between determined dedication and creeping mediocrity. '''All mankind waits upon our decision. A whole world looks to see what we will do. We cannot fail their trust, we cannot fail to try.''' * It has been a long road from that first snowy day in [[New Hampshire]] to this crowded convention city. Now begins another long journey, taking me into your cities and homes all over America. Give me your help, your hand, your voice, your vote. Recall with me the words of [[Isaiah]]: [[s:Bible (King James)/Isaiah#Chapter_40|"They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary."]] As we face the coming challenge, we too, shall wait upon the Lord, and ask that he renew our strength. Then shall we be equal to the test. Then we shall not be weary. And then we shall prevail. ==== Speech to the Greater Houston Ministerial Association ==== :<small>Speech to the Greater Houston Ministerial Association, a group of Protestant ministers, on the issue of his religion (12 September 1960); at the time, many Protestants questioned whether Kennedy's Roman Catholic faith would allow him to make important national decisions as president independent of the church. He addressed those concerns before a skeptical audience of Protestant clergy. · [[s:Address of Senator John F. Kennedy to the Greater Houston Ministerial Association|Full text online available at Wikisource]] and [http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=16920600 NPR].</small> [[File:Iakovos kennedy.jpg|thumb|War and hunger and ignorance and despair know no religious barriers.]] [[File:2005 Half Dollar Obv Unc P.png|thumb|I believe in a President whose religious views are his own private affair, neither imposed by him upon the nation or imposed by the nation upon him as a condition to holding that office.]] [[File:Kennedy Giving Historic Speech to Congress - GPN-2000-001658.jpg|thumb|I want a Chief Executive whose public acts are responsible to all groups and obligated to none — who can attend any ceremony, service or dinner his office may appropriately require of him — and whose fulfillment of his Presidential oath is not limited or conditioned by any religious oath, ritual or obligation.]] * While the so-called [[Religion in the United States|religious issue]] is necessarily and properly the chief topic here tonight, I want to emphasize from the outset that we have far more critical issues to face in the 1960 election; the spread of Communist influence, until it now festers 90 miles off the coast of [[Florida]] — the humiliating treatment of our [[President of the United States|President]] and [[w:Vice President of the United States|Vice President]] by those who no longer respect our power — the [[Hunger in the United States|hungry]] [[children]] I saw in [[West Virginia]], the old people who cannot pay their doctor bills, the families forced to give up their farms — an America with too many slums, with too few schools, and too late to the [[moon]] and [[Space|outer space]]. These are the real issues which should decide this campaign. And they are not religious issues — for '''war and hunger and ignorance and despair know no religious barriers.''' * '''I believe in an America where the [[Separation of church and state in the United States|separation of church and state]] is absolute''' — where no [[Priesthood in the Catholic Church|Catholic prelate]] would tell the President (should he be Catholic) how to act, and no Protestant minister would tell his parishoners for whom to vote — where no church or church school is granted any public funds or political preference — and where no man is denied public office merely because his religion differs from the President who might appoint him or the people who might elect him. * '''I believe in an America that is officially neither [[Catholic]], [[Protestantism|Protestant]] nor [[Jewish]] — where no public official either requests or accepts instructions on public policy from [[Pope John XXIII|the Pope]], the [[w:National Council of Churches|National Council of Churches]] or any other ecclesiastical source — where no religious body seeks to impose its will directly or indirectly upon the general populace or the public acts of its officials — and where [[Freedom of religion|religious liberty]] is so indivisible that an act against one church is treated as an act against all.''' For while this year it may be a Catholic against whom the finger of suspicion is pointed, in other years it has been, and may someday be again, a Jew — or a [[Quaker]] — or a [[Unitarian Universalism|Unitarian]] — or a [[w:Baptists|Baptist]]. It was [[Virginia]]'s harassment of Baptist preachers, for example, that helped lead to [[Thomas Jefferson|Jefferson]]'s statute of religious freedom. Today I may be the victim- -but tomorrow it may be you — until the whole fabric of our harmonious society is ripped at a time of great national peril. * Finally, '''I believe in an America where [[religious intolerance]] will someday end — where all men and all churches are treated as equal — where every man has the same right to attend or not attend the church of his choice''' — where there is no Catholic vote, no [[Anti-Catholicism|anti-Catholic]] vote, no bloc voting of any kind — and where Catholics, Protestants and Jews, at both the lay and pastoral level, will refrain from those attitudes of disdain and division which have so often marred their works in the past, and promote instead the American ideal of brotherhood. * That is the kind of America in which I believe. And it represents the kind of Presidency in which I believe — a great office that must neither be humbled by making it the instrument of any one religious group nor tarnished by arbitrarily withholding its occupancy from the members of any one religious group. '''I believe in a President whose religious views are his own private affair, neither imposed by him upon the nation or imposed by the nation upon him as a condition to holding that office.''' * I would not look with favor upon a President working to subvert the [[First Amendment to the United States Constitution|First Amendment]]'s guarantees of religious liberty. Nor would our system of checks and balances permit him to do so — and neither do I look with favor upon those who would work to subvert Article VI of the [[United States Constitution|Constitution]] by requiring a religious test — even by indirection — for it. If they disagree with that safeguard they should be out openly working to repeal it. * '''I want a Chief Executive whose public acts are responsible to all groups and obligated to none — who can attend any ceremony, service or dinner his office may appropriately require of him — and whose fulfillment of his Presidential oath is not limited or conditioned by any religious oath, ritual or obligation.''' * But let me say, with respect to other countries, that '''I am wholly opposed to the state being used by any religious group, Catholic or Protestant, to compel, prohibit, or persecute the free exercise of any other religion.''' And I hope that you and I condemn with equal fervor those nations which deny their Presidency to Protestants and those which deny it to Catholics. * But let me stress again that these are my views — for contrary to common newspaper usage, I am not the Catholic candidate for President. I am the Democratic Party's candidate for President who happens also to be a Catholic. I do not speak for my church on public matters — and the church does not speak for me. Whatever issue may come before me as President — on [[birth control]], [[divorce]], [[censorship]], gambling or any other subject — I will make my decision in accordance with these views, in accordance with what my conscience tells me to be the national interest, and without regard to outside religious pressures or dictates. And no power or threat of [[punishment]] could cause me to decide otherwise. But '''if the time should ever come — and I do not concede any conflict to be even remotely possible — when my office would require me to either violate my conscience or violate the national interest, then I would resign the office; and I hope any conscientious public servant would do the same.''' * If I should lose on the real issues, I shall return to my seat in the Senate, satisfied that I had tried my best and was fairly judged. But if this election is decided on the basis that 40 million Americans lost their chance of being President on the day they were baptized, then it is the whole nation that will be the loser, in the eyes of Catholics and non-Catholics around the world, in the eyes of history, and in the eyes of our own people. ==== Address at Convention Hall, Philadelphia ==== :<small>[http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/index.php?pid=74316 Speech at Convention Hall, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania (31 October 1960)]<!-- Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley, The American Presidency Project --></small> * '''I believe in an America where the [[free enterprise]] system flourishes for all other systems to see and admire — where no businessman lacks either competition or [[credit]] — and where no [[monopoly]], no racketeer, no government [[bureaucracy]] can put him out of business that he built up with his own initiative.''' * '''I believe in an America where the rights that I have described '''are enjoyed by all, regardless of their race or their creed or their national origin — where every [[Citizenship|citizen]] is free to think and speak as he pleases and write and worship as he pleases — and where every citizen is free to vote as he pleases, without instructions from anyone, his employer, the union leader or his clergyman.''' * Finally, '''I believe in an America with a government of men devoted solely to the public interests — men of ability and dedication, free from [[conflict]] or [[corruption]] or other [[commitment]] — '''a responsible government that is efficient and economical, with a balanced budget over the years of the cycle, reducing its debt in prosperous times — '''a government willing to entrust the people with the facts that they have — not a businessman's government, with business in the saddle,''' as the late Secretary McKay described this administration of which he was a member — '''not a labor government, not a farmer's government, not a government of one section of the country or another, but a government of, for and by the people.''' * In short, '''I believe in an America that is on the march — an America respected by all nations, friends and foes alike — an America that is moving, doing, working, trying — a strong America in a world of peace. That peace must be based on world law and world order, on the mutual respect of all nations for the rights and powers of others and on a [[world economy]] in which no nation lacks the ability to provide a decent standard of living for all of its people.''' But we cannot have such a world, and we cannot have such a peace, unless the United States has the vitality and the inspiration and the strength. If we continue to stand still, if we continue to lie at anchor, if we continue to sit on dead center, if we content ourselves with the easy life and the rosy assurances, then the gates will soon be open to a lean and hungry enemy. ==== Speech at East Los Angeles College Stadium, Los Angeles, California ==== :<small>John F. Kennedy, at East Los Angeles College Stadium, Los Angeles, CA (November 1, 1960)</small> * Our prestige abroad, what other peoples think of us, is not of importance only to those Americans who work or travel abroad. The sign "Yankee go home" does not apply only to our diplomats, foreign-aid specialists, and military personnel who are stationed overseas. * The great struggle in the world today is not one of [[popularity]] but one of power, and '''our power depends in considerable measure upon our ability to influence other nations, upon their willingness to associate themselves with our efforts, upon the strength of our stature and leadership.''' ... this deterioration in our prestige abroad threatens our bases, our alliances, our security and the peace itself and it is time we were respected once again throughout the would as the good neighbor. * '''We live under majority rule and if that majority is not well educated in its responsibilities, the whole Nation suffers.''' ==== Sport at the New Frontier: The Soft American ==== [[File:Seal of the United States Department of Health, Education, and Welfare.svg|thumb|Physical fitness is not only one of the most important keys to a healthy body; it is the basis of dynamic and creative intellectual activity.]] [[File:Liberty - Soldiers' and Sailors' Monument (Cleveland) - DSC07985.JPG|thumb|The stamina and strength which the defense of liberty requires are not the product of a few weeks' basic training or a month's conditioning. These only come from bodies which have been conditioned by a lifetime of participation in sports and interest in physical activity.]] :<small>John F. Kennedy, [http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/article/magazine/MAG1134750/1/index.htm "Sport at the New Frontier: The Soft American"] in [http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/cover/featured/7698/index.htm ''Sports Illustrated'' Vol. 13, Issue 26 (26 December 1960)], [http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/edb/reader.html?magID=SI&issueDate=19601226&mode=reader_vault p. 14-17]</small> * This knowledge, '''the knowledge that the physical well-being of the citizen is an important foundation for the vigor and vitality of all the activities of the nation, is as old as Western civilization itself. * But the harsh fact of the matter is that there is also an increasingly large number of young Americans who are neglecting their bodies — whose physical fitness is not what it should be — who are getting soft. And such '''softness on the part of individual citizens can help to strip and destroy the vitality of a nation.''' For '''the physical vigor of our citizens is one of America's most precious resources. If we waste and neglect this resource, if we allow it to dwindle and grow soft then we will destroy much of our ability to meet the great and vital challenges which confront our people. We will be unable to realize our full potential as a nation.''' * Throughout [[History of the United States|our history]] we have been challenged to armed conflict by nations which sought to destroy our independence or threatened our freedom. The young men of America have risen to those occasions, giving themselves freely to the rigors and hardships of warfare. But '''the stamina and strength which the defense of liberty requires are not the product of a few weeks' basic training or a month's conditioning. These only come from bodies which have been conditioned by a lifetime of participation in sports and interest in physical activity.''' Our struggles against aggressors throughout our history have been won on the playgrounds and corner lots and fields of America. Thus, in a very real and immediate sense, our growing softness, our increasing lack of physical fitness, is a menace to our security. * But '''physical fitness is as vital to the activities of peace as to those of war, especially when our success in those activities may well determine the future of freedom in the years to come.''' We face in the [[Soviet Union]] a powerful and implacable adversary determined to show the world that only the Communist system possesses the vigor and determination necessary to satisfy awakening aspirations for progress and the elimination of poverty and want. To meet the challenge of this enemy will require determination and will and effort on the part of all Americans. '''Only if our citizens are physically fit will they be fully capable of such an effort.''' * For '''physical fitness is not only one of the most important keys to a healthy body; it is the basis of dynamic and creative intellectual activity.''' The relationship between the soundness of the [[body]] and the activities of the [[mind]] is subtle and complex. Much is not yet understood. But we do know what the [[Greeks]] knew: that '''[[intelligence]] and [[skill]] can only function at the peak of their capacity when the body is healthy and strong'''; that '''hardy spirits and tough minds usually inhabit sound bodies.''' * In this sense, '''physical fitness is the basis of all the activities of our society. And if our bodies grow soft and inactive, if we fail to encourage physical development and prowess, we will undermine our capacity for thought, for work and for the use of those skills vital to an expanding and complex America. Thus the physical fitness of our citizens is a vital prerequisite to America's realization of its full potential as a nation, and to the opportunity of each individual citizen to make full and fruitful use of his capacities.''' * It is ironic that at a time when the magnitude of our dangers makes the physical fitness of our citizens a matter of increasing importance, it takes greater effort and determination than ever before to build the strength of our bodies. The age of [[leisure]] and abundance can destroy vigor and muscle tone as effortlessly as it can gain time. '''Today human activity, the labor of the human body, is rapidly being engineered out of working life.''' === 1961 === [[File:Minute_Man_Statue_Lexington_Massachusetts_cropped.jpg|thumb|Today we need a nation of [[w:Minutemen|minute men]]; citizens who are not only prepared to take up arms, but citizens who regard the preservation of freedom as a basic purpose of their daily life and who are willing to consciously work and sacrifice for that freedom.]] [[File:President John F. Kennedy Meets with Ambassador of Canada, Arnold (A.D.P.) Heeney (01).jpg|thumb|Geography has made us neighbors. History has made us friends. Economics has made us partners. And necessity has made us allies. Those whom nature hath so joined together, let no man put asunder.]] * '''Today we need a nation of [[w:Minutemen|minute men]]; citizens who are not only prepared to take up arms, but citizens who regard the preservation of freedom as a basic purpose of their daily life and who are willing to consciously work and sacrifice for that freedom.''' **[http://www.jfklibrary.org/learn/about-jfk/life-of-john-f-kennedy/john-f-kennedy-quotations/commemorative-message-on-roosevelt-day “Message to Those Participating in Roosevelt Day Commemoration (29 January 1961)]." ''Papers of John F. Kennedy. Presidential Papers'', "New Minute Men Urged by Kennedy," ''The New York Times''(30 January 1961) pg. 13 * '''I have pledged myself and my colleagues in the cabinet to a continuous encouragement of initiative, responsibility and energy in serving the public interest. Let every public servant know, whether his post is high or low, that a man's rank and reputation in this Administration will be determined by the size of the job he does, and not by the size of his staff, his office or his budget. Let it be clear that this Administration recognizes the value of dissent and daring — that we greet healthy controversy as the hallmark of healthy change. Let the public service be a proud and lively career. And let every man and woman who works in any area of our national government, in any branch, at any level, be able to say with pride and with honor in future years: "I served the [[Federal government of the United States|United States government]] in that hour of our nation's need."''' </br> For only with complete dedication by us all to the national interest can we bring our country through the troubled years that lie ahead. Our problems are critical. The tide is unfavorable. The news will be worse before it is better. And while hoping and working for the best, we should prepare ourselves now for the worst. ** [[s:John F. Kennedy's First State of the Union Address|First State of the Union Address]] (30 January 1961) * '''The Federal Budget can and should be made an instrument of prosperity and stability, not a deterrent to recovery.''' ** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Special message to Congress: Program for Economic Recovery and Growth (17)", (2 February 1961)]<!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1961'' --> * For I can assure you that '''we love our country, not for what it was, though it has always been great — not for what it is, though of this we are deeply proud — but for what it someday can, and, through the efforts of us all, someday will be.''' ** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Address at a Luncheon Meeting of the National Industrial Conference Board (33)", (13 February 1961)]<!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1961'' --> * '''Our progress as a nation can be no swifter than our progress in [[Education in the United States|education]].''' Our requirements for world leadership, our hopes for [[economic growth]], and the demands of citizenship itself in an era such as this all require the maximum development of every young American's capacity. '''The human mind is our fundamental resource.''' ** [http://www.jfklink.com/speeches/jfk/publicpapers/1961/jfk46_61.html Special Message to the Congress on Education (20 February 1961)] * It cannot be surprising that, as resistance within [[Cuba]] grows, [[Refugee|refugees]] have been using whatever means are available to return and support their countrymen in the continuing '''struggle for freedom. Where people are denied the right of choice, recourse to such struggle is the only means of achieving their liberties.''' ** [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/?pid=8070 Message to Chairman Khrushchev Concerning the Meaning of Events in Cuba (18 April 1961)]<!-- Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley, The American Presidency Project --> * '''The great [[revolution]] in the history of man, past, present and future, is the revolution of those determined to be free.''' ** Message to Chairman Khrushchev Concerning the Meaning of Events in Cuba (18 April 1961)<!-- Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley, The American Presidency Project -->. *'''There's an old saying that victory has a hundred fathers and defeat is an orphan.... I'm the responsible officer of the Government.''' ** State Department press conference (21 April 1961), following the Bay of Pigs Invasion, as quoted in ''A Thousand Days : John F. Kennedy in the White House'' (1965, 2002 edition), by Arthur Schlesinger, p. 262; also in [http://books.google.com/books?id=McO2Co4Ih98C&pg=PA234 ''The Quote Verifier'' (2006) by Ralph Keyes, p. 234]). The exact wording used by Kennedy (a hundred, not a thousand) had appeared in the 1951 film ''[[w:The Desert Fox: The Story of Rommel|The Desert Fox: The Story of Rommel]]'', as reported in ''Safire's New Political Dictionary'' (1993) by [[w:William Safire|William Safire]], pp 841–842). The earliest known occurrence is [[w:Galeazzo Ciano|Galeazzo Ciano]], ''Diary 1937-1943'', entry for 9 September 1942 ("''La victoria trova cento padri, e nessuno vuole riconoscere l'insuccesso.''"), but the earliest known occurrence on such a theme is in [[Tacitus]]'s : [http://www.sacred-texts.com/cla/tac/ag01020.htm Agricola Book 1 ab paragraph 27]: “Iniquissima haec bellorum condicio est: prospera omnes sibi vindicant, adversa uni imputantur.” (It is the singularly unfair peculiarity of war that '''the credit of success is claimed by all, while a disaster is attributed to one alone.''') * If all of you had voted the other way — there's about 5500 of you here tonight — I would not be the President of the United States. ** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Address in Chicago at a dinner of the Democratic Party of Cook County (155)," (28 April 1961)]<!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1961'' --> * Commander [[Alan Shepard|Shepard]] has pointed out from the time that this flight began and from the time this flight was a success, that this was a common effort in which a good many men were involved. I think it does credit to him that he is associated with such a distinguished group of Americans whom we are all glad to honor today, his companions in the flight into outer space, so I think we want to give them all a hand. ... '''I also want to take cognizance of the fact that this flight was made out in the open with all the possibilities of failure, which would have been damaging to our country's prestige. Because great risks were taken in that regard, it seems to me that we have some right to claim that this open society of ours which risked much, gained much.''' ... This is a civilian award for a great civilian accomplishment, and therefore I want to again express my congratulations to Alan Shepard. We are very proud of him, and I speak on behalf of the [[Lyndon B. Johnson|Vice President]], who is Chairman of our Space Council and who bears great responsibilities in this field, and the Members of the House and Senate Space Committee who are with us today. ''[accidentally drops the medallion, and picks it up]'' '''This decoration which has gone from the ground up — ''here''.''' ** [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/index.php?pid=8119 Remarks at the presentation of NASA's Distinguished Service Medal to Astronaut Alan B. Shepard (8 May 1961)] — [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0OurosNBFo Video of presentation at YouTube] * '''[[Geography]] has made us neighbors. [[History]] has made us friends. [[Economics]] has made us partners. And necessity has made us allies. Those whom nature hath so joined together, let no man put asunder.''' ** Address to the Canadian Parliament (17 May 1961) *It is not a pleasure for any [[President of the United States]], as I am sure it was not a pleasure for my predecessors, to come before the [[United States Congress|Congress]] and ask for new appropriations which place burdens on our people. I came to this conclusion with some reluctance. But in my judgment, this is a most serious time in the life of our country and in the life of freedom around the globe, and it is the obligation, I believe, of the President of the United States to at least make his recommendations to the Members of the Congress, so that they can reach their own conclusions with that judgment before them. You must decide yourselves, as I have decided, and I am confident that whether you finally decide in the way that I have decided or not, that your judgment--as my judgment--is reached on what is in the best interests of our country. **[https://www.jfklibrary.org/learn/about-jfk/historic-speeches/address-to-joint-session-of-congress-may-25-196125 May 1961 in address to joint session of congress] * '''There is danger that [[Totalitarianism|totalitarian]] governments, not subject to vigorous popular debate, will underestimate the will and unity of democratic societies where vital interests are concerned.''' ** President Kennedy's 13th News Conferences on June 28, 1961 John Source: [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/Press-Conferences/News-Conference-13.aspx F. Kennedy Presidential Library & Museum] * And lastly, Chairman Khrushchev has compared the United States to a worn-out [[Running|runner]] living on its past performance, and stated that the [[Soviet Union]] would out-produce the United States by 1970. Without wishing to trade hyperbole with the Chairman, I do suggest that '''he reminds me of the [[Tigers|tiger]] [[Hunting|hunter]] who has picked a place on the wall to hang the tiger's skin long before he his caught the tiger. This tiger has other ideas.''' ** President Kennedy's 13th News Conferences on June 28, 1961 John Source: [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/Press-Conferences/News-Conference-13.aspx F. Kennedy Presidential Library & Museum] * The education of our people should be a lifelong process by which we continue to feed new vigor into the lifestream of the Nation through intelligent, reasoned decisions. '''Let us not think of education only in terms of its costs, but rather in terms of the infinite potential of the human mind that can be realized through education. Let us think of education as the means of developing our greatest abilities, because in each of us there is a private hope and dream which, fulfilled, can be translated into benefit for everyone and greater strength for our Nation.''' ** [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/?pid=24146 "Proclamation 3422 — American Education Week, 1961" (25 July 1961)]<!-- Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley, The American Presidency Project --> * '''Freedom is not merely a word or an abstract theory, but the most effective instrument for advancing the welfare of man.''' **[http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/?pid=8271 Message to the Inter-American Economic and Social Conference at Punta del Este, Uruguay (5 August 1961)]<!-- Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley, The American Presidency Project --> * Somebody once said that [[Washington, D.C.|Washington]] was a city of Northern charm and [[Southern United States|Southern]] [[efficiency]]. ** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Asset-Viewer/Archives/JFKPOF-036-014.aspx Speech] to the Trustees and Advisory Committee of the [[w:John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts|National Cultural Center]] in the White House Movie Theater, 14 November 1961 * We have become more and more not a nation of [[athletes]] but a nation of [[Spectator|spectators]]. ** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Remarks at National Football Foundation and Hall of Fame Banquet (496)," December 5 1961. Public Papers of the Presidents: John F. Kennedy, 1961.] * '''We must use time as a tool, not as a couch.''' ** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Address in New York City to the National Association of Manufacturers (496)," December 5, 1961, Public Papers of the Presidents: John F. Kennedy, 1961.] * I wonder how it is with you, Harold? If I don't have a woman for three days, I get terrible headaches. ** Conversation with [[w:Harold Macmillan, Earl of Stockton|Harold Macmillan]], in Bermuda (1961) as recounted by [[w:Richard Reeves|Richard Reeves]] in his book ''President Kennedy: Profile of Power'' (1994) ==== The City upon a Hill speech ==== :<small>[[s:Address of President-Elect John F. Kennedy Delivered to a Joint Convention of the General Court of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts|Speech to Massachusetts State Legislature]] (9 January 1961) in The State House, Boston; ''Congressional Record'', January 10, 1961, vol. 107, Appendix, p. A169. In this speech, given eleven days prior to his inauguration, the President-elect quotes John Winthrop's "city upon a hill" sermon and highlights four qualities that he hopes to bring to his presidency: courage, judgment, integrity and dedication. </small> [[File:John F. Kennedy campaigning in Florida 1960.jpg|thumb|When at some future date the high court of history sits in judgment on each of us — recording whether in our brief span of service we fulfilled our responsibilities to the state — our success or failure, in whatever office we hold, will be measured by the answers to four questions: ...]] * During the last sixty days, I have been at the task of constructing an administration. It has been a long and deliberate process. Some have counseled greater speed. Others have counseled more expedient tests. But I have been guided by the standard [[John Winthrop]] set before his shipmates on the flagship ''Arbella'' three hundred and thirty-one years ago, as they, too, faced the task of building a new government on a perilous frontier. "We must always consider," he said, "that we shall be as a city upon a hill — the eyes of all people are upon us." '''Today the eyes of all people are truly upon us — and our governments, in every branch, at every level, national, state and local, must be as a [[w:City upon a Hill|city upon a hill]] — constructed and inhabited by men aware of their great trust and their great responsibilities.''' For we are setting out upon a voyage in 1961 no less hazardous than that undertaken by the ''Arbella'' in 1630. We are committing ourselves to tasks of statecraft no less awesome than that of governing the [[w:Massachusetts Bay Colony|Massachusetts Bay Colony]], beset as it was then by terror without and disorder within. History will not judge our endeavors — and a government cannot be selected — merely on the basis of color or creed or even party affiliation. Neither will competence and loyalty and stature, while essential to the utmost, suffice in times such as these. * '''For of those to whom much is given, much is required.''' And when at some future date the high court of history sits in judgment on each of us — recording whether in our brief span of service we fulfilled our responsibilities to the state — '''our success or failure, in whatever office we hold, will be measured by the answers to four questions:<br>First, were we truly men of courage — with the courage to stand up to one's enemies — and the courage to stand up, when necessary, to one's associates — the courage to resist public pressure, as well as private greed?<br>Secondly, were we truly men of judgment — with perceptive judgment of the future as well as the past — of our mistakes as well as the mistakes of others — with enough wisdom to know what we did not know and enough candor to admit it?<br>Third, were we truly men of integrity — men who never ran out on either the principles in which we believed or the men who believed in us — men whom neither financial gain nor political ambition could ever divert from the fulfillment of our sacred trust?<br>Finally, were we truly men of dedication — with an honor mortgaged to no single individual or group, and comprised of no private obligation or aim, but devoted solely to serving the public good and the national interest?<br>Courage — judgment — integrity — dedication — these are the historic qualities''' ... which, with God's help ... will characterize our Government's conduct in the 4 stormy years that lie ahead. ==== Inaugural Address ==== [[File:President Kennedy inaugural address (color).jpg|thumb|Let the word go forth from this time and place, to friend and foe alike, that the torch has been passed to a new generation of Americans.]] [[File:USA NYC Statue-of-Liberty.jpg|thumb|Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe to assure the survival and the success of liberty.]] [[File:Jfk inauguration.jpg|thumb|In your hands, my fellow citizens, more than in mine, will rest the final success or failure of our course.]] [[File:Ask not what your country can do for you.jpg|thumb|The energy, the faith, the devotion which we bring to this endeavor will light our country and all who serve it — and the glow from that fire can truly light the world. And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you — ask what you can do for your country.]] [[File:Sun Falls on Iwo Jima.jpg|thumb|With a good conscience our only sure reward, with history the final judge of our deeds, let us go forth to lead the land we love, asking His blessing and His help, but knowing that here on earth God's work must truly be our own.]] :<small>[http://avalon.law.yale.edu/20th_century/kennedy.asp Inaugural address, Washington D.C. (20 January 1961)] [[:Image:Kennedy inauguration footage.ogg|(video file)]]. In his speech President Kennedy urges American citizens to participate in public service and "ask not what your country can do for you — ask what you can do for your country." [http://www.jfklibrary.org/JFK/Historic-Speeches/Multilingual-Inaugural-Address.aspx This is also the speech he delivered announcing the dawn of a new era as young Americans born in the 20th century first assumed leadership of the Nation.]</small> * Vice President [[Lyndon B. Johnson|Johnson]], [[w:John William McCormack|Mr. Speaker]], [[Earl Warren|Mr. Chief Justice]], President [[Dwight David Eisenhower|Eisenhower]], Vice President [[Richard Nixon|Nixon]], President [[Harry S. Truman|Truman]], reverend clergy, fellow citizens, '''we observe today not a victory of party, but a celebration of freedom — symbolizing an end, as well as a beginning — signifying renewal, as well as change.''' For I have sworn before you and Almighty God the same solemn oath our forebears prescribed nearly a century and three quarters ago. * The world is very different now. For man holds in his mortal hands the power to abolish all forms of human poverty and all forms of human life. And yet the same revolutionary beliefs for which our forebears fought are still at issue around the globe — the belief that '''the rights of man come not from the generosity of the state, but from the hand of [[God]].''' * '''Let the word go forth from this time and place, to friend and foe alike, that the torch has been passed to a new generation of Americans''' — born in this century, tempered by war, disciplined by a hard and bitter peace, proud of our ancient heritage — and unwilling to witness or permit the slow undoing of those [[human rights]] to which this Nation has always been committed, and to which we are committed today at home and around the world. ** The quote "Let the word go forth from this time and place, to friend and foe alike, that the torch has been passed to a new generation of Americans" is [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Researchold/Ready-Reference/JFK-Miscellaneous-Information/Grave-Inscription.aspx one of seven quotes inscribed on the walls at the gravesite of John F. Kennedy at Arlington National Cemetery.] * '''Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe to assure the survival and the success of liberty.''' ** This is one of seven quotes [[commons:File:Memorial_leading_to_grave_of_John_F._Kennedy_in_Arlington_National_Cemetery.jpg|inscribed on the walls at the gravesite of John F. Kennedy at Arlington National Cemetery.]] * To those old allies whose cultural and spiritual origins we share, we pledge the loyalty of faithful friends. '''United, there is little we cannot do in a host of cooperative ventures. Divided, there is little we can do — for we dare not meet a powerful challenge at odds and split asunder.''' * To those new States whom we welcome to the ranks of the free, we pledge our word that one form of [[Colonialism|colonial]] control shall not have passed away merely to be replaced by a far more iron tyranny. We shall not always expect to find them supporting our view. But we shall always hope to find them strongly supporting their own freedom — and to remember that, in the past, '''those who foolishly sought power by riding the back of the tiger ended up inside.''' * To those people in the huts and villages of half the globe struggling to break the bonds of mass [[misery]], we pledge our best efforts to help them help themselves, for whatever period is required — not because the communists may be doing it, not because we seek their votes, but because it is right. '''If a free society cannot help the many who are poor, it cannot save the few who are rich.''' * Finally, '''to those nations who would make themselves our adversary''', we offer not a pledge but a request: that both sides begin anew the quest for peace, before the dark powers of destruction unleashed by science engulf all humanity in planned or accidental self-destruction. '''We dare not tempt them with weakness. For only when our arms are sufficient beyond doubt can we be certain beyond doubt that they will never be employed.''' * So let us begin anew — remembering on both sides that '''civility is not a sign of weakness, and sincerity is always subject to proof. Let us never negotiate out of fear. But let us never fear to negotiate.''' <br/> '''Let both sides explore what problems unite us instead of belaboring those problems which divide us. [...] Let both sides seek to invoke the wonders of science instead of its terrors.''' Together let us explore the stars, conquer the deserts, eradicate disease, tap the ocean depths, and encourage the arts and commerce. <br/> '''Let both sides unite to heed in all corners of the earth the command of [[Isaiah]] — to "undo the heavy burdens … and to let the oppressed go free."''' * If a beachhead of cooperation may push back the jungle of suspicion, let both sides join in creating a new endeavor, not a new balance of power, but '''a new world of law, where the strong are just and the weak secure and the peace preserved.''' <br/> '''All this will not be finished in the first one hundred days. Nor will it be finished in the first one thousand days, nor in the life of this Administration, nor even perhaps in our lifetime on this planet. But let us begin.''' * '''[[Abraham_Lincoln#First_Inaugural_Address_.281861.29|In your hands, my fellow citizens]], more than in mine, will rest the final success or failure of our course. Since this country was founded, each generation of Americans has been summoned to give testimony to its national loyalty.''' The graves of young Americans who answered the call to service surround the globe. * '''Now the trumpet summons us again — not as a call to bear arms, though arms we need; not as a call to battle, though embattled we are — but a call to bear the burden of a long twilight struggle''', year in and year out, "rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation" — '''a struggle against the common enemies of man: tyranny, poverty, disease, and war itself.''' Can we forge against these enemies a grand and global alliance, North and South, East and West, that can assure a more fruitful life for all mankind? Will you join in that historic effort? ** The bold portions are one of seven quotes [[commons:File:Memorial_leading_to_grave_of_John_F._Kennedy_in_Arlington_National_Cemetery.jpg|inscribed on the walls at the gravesite of John F. Kennedy at Arlington National Cemetery.]] * In the long history of the world, only a few generations have been granted the role of defending freedom in its hour of maximum danger. I do not shrink from this responsibility — I welcome it. I do not believe that any of us would exchange places with any other people or any other generation. '''The energy, the faith, the devotion which we bring to this endeavor will light our country and all who serve it — and the glow from that fire can truly light the world. <br/> And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you — ask what you can do for your country. <br/> My fellow citizens of the world: ask not what America will do for you, but what together we can do for the freedom of man.''' ** "In the long history of the world, only a few generations have been granted the role of defending freedom in its hour of maximum danger. I do not shrink from this responsibility — I welcome it." is one of seven quotes [[commons:File:Memorial_leading_to_grave_of_John_F._Kennedy_in_Arlington_National_Cemetery.jpg|inscribed on the walls at the gravesite of John F. Kennedy at Arlington National Cemetery.]] ** "The energy, the faith, the devotion which we bring to this endeavor will light our country and all who serve it — and the glow from that fire can truly light the world." is one of seven quotes [[commons:File:Memorial_leading_to_grave_of_John_F._Kennedy_in_Arlington_National_Cemetery.jpg|inscribed on the walls at the gravesite of John F. Kennedy at Arlington National Cemetery.]] ** "And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you — ask what you can do for your country. My fellow citizens of the world: ask not what America will do for you, but what together we can do for the freedom of man." is one of seven quotes [[commons:File:Memorial_leading_to_grave_of_John_F._Kennedy_in_Arlington_National_Cemetery.jpg|inscribed on the walls at the gravesite of John F. Kennedy at Arlington National Cemetery.]] ** It has been reported at various places on the internet that in JFK's Inaugural address, the famous line "Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country", was inspired by, or even a direct quotation of the famous and much esteemed writer and poet [[Khalil Gibran]]. Gibran in 1925 wrote in Arabic a line that has been translated as: **::'''''Are you a politician asking what your country can do for you or a zealous one asking what you can do for your country?''''' **::If you are the first, then you are a parasite; if the second, then you are an oasis in a desert.'' ** However, this ''translation'' of Gibran is one that occurred over a decade after Kennedy's 1961 speech, appearing in ''A Third Treasury of Kahlil Gibran'' (1975) edited by Andrew Dib Sherfan, and the translator most likely drew upon Kennedy's famous words in expressing Gibran's prior ideas. For a further [[Talk:John_F._Kennedy#.22Ask_not....22|discussion regarding the quote see here]]. * Finally, whether you are citizens of America or citizens of the world, ask of us the same high standards of strength and sacrifice which we ask of you. '''[[Abraham_Lincoln#Second_Inaugural_Address_.281865.29|With a good conscience our only sure reward, with history the final judge of our deeds]], let us go forth to lead the land we love, asking His blessing and His help, but knowing that here on earth God's work must truly be our own.''' ** This is one of seven quotes inscribed on the walls at the gravesite of John F. Kennedy, Arlington National Cemetery. ====State of the Union==== :[[s:John F. Kennedy's First State of the Union Address|First State of the Union Address]] (30 January 1961) * '''Our Constitution wisely assigns both joint and separate roles to each branch of the government; and a President and a Congress who hold each other in mutual respect will neither permit nor attempt any trespass.''' * '''Where nature makes natural allies of us all, we can demonstrate that beneficial relations are possible even with those with whom we most deeply disagree-and this must someday be the basis of world peace and world law.''' * The deadly arms race, and the huge resources it absorbs, have too long overshadowed all else we must do. We must prevent that arms race from spreading to new nations, to new nuclear powers and to the reaches of outer space. ==== Address before the American Society of Newspaper Editors ==== {{Smallcite|1=[http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Ready-Reference/JFK-Speeches/Address-before-the-American-Society-of-Newspaper-Editors-April-20-1961.aspx Address before the American Society of Newspaper Editors at the Statler Hilton Hotel in Washington, D.C. (April 20, 1961)] In his speech President Kennedy discusses the purpose of American intervention abroad and the spread of communist ideology to Latin America and Southeast Asia, with particular emphasis on the [[w:Bay of Pigs incident|Bay of Pigs incident]] that occurred in Cuba four days prior. Following his address before the American Society of Newspapers President Kennedy assumed responsibily for the Bay of Pigs Invasion at the next day by saying: "There's an old saying that victory has a hundred fathers and defeat is an orphan.... I'm the responsible officer of the Government." (Source: State Department press conference 21 April 1961, following the Bay of Pigs Invasion. Schlesinger, Arthur M. Jr. 1965, 2002. ''A Thousand Days: John F. Kennedy in the White House''. Houghton Mifflin {{ISBN|1-57912-449-6}} {{ISBN|978-1-57912-449-6}}, p. 262.)}} * '''The President of a''' great '''democracy''' such as ours, '''and the editors of''' great '''newspapers''' such as yours, '''owe a common obligation to the people: an obligation to present the facts, to present them with candor, and to present them in perspective.''' * '''If the self-discipline of the free cannot match the iron discipline of the mailed fist'''-in economic, political, scientific and all the other kinds of struggles as well as the military-'''then the peril to freedom will continue to rise.''' * '''The complacent, the self-indulgent, the soft societies are about to be swept away with the debris of history. Only the strong, only the industrious, only the determined, only the courageous, only the visionary who determine the real nature of our struggle can possibly survive.''' ==== Address to ANPA ==== :<small>[https://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/JFK-Speeches/American-Newspaper-Publishers-Association_19610427.aspx Address before the American Newspaper Publishers Association (27 April 1961)] [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Asset-Viewer/Archives/JFKWHA-025-001.aspx Audio] President Kennedy's address was delivered to the American Newspaper Publishers Association at a Bureau of Advertising dinner held at the Waldorf-Astoria Hotel in New York City. In his speech President Kennedy addresses his discontent with the press's news coverage before, during, and after the [[w:Bay of Pigs incident|Bay of Pigs incident]], suggesting that there is a need for "far greater public information" and "far greater official secrecy." </small> [[File:John F Kennedy 1964 Issue-5c.jpg|thumb|The very word "secrecy" is repugnant in a free and open society; and we are as a people inherently and historically opposed to secret societies, to secret oaths and to secret proceedings. ... there is little value in opposing the threat of a closed society by imitating its arbitrary restrictions. Even today, there is little value in insuring the survival of our nation if our traditions do not survive with it.]] [[File:DBP 1964 453 John F. Kennedy.jpg|thumb|No President should fear public scrutiny of his program. For from that scrutiny comes understanding; and from that understanding comes support or opposition. And both are necessary.]] [[File:JFK grave.jpg|thumb|Without debate, without criticism, no Administration and no country can succeed — and no republic can survive.]] [[File:John F Kennedy 1967 Issue-13c.jpg|thumb|Man will be what he was born to be: free and independent.]] * I appreciate very much your generous invitation to be here tonight. You bear heavy responsibilities these days and an article I read some time ago reminded me of how particularly heavily the burdens of present day events bear upon your profession. You may remember that in 1851 the [[w:New York Herald Tribune|New York Herald Tribune]] under the sponsorship and publishing of [[Horace Greeley]], employed as its [[London]] correspondent an obscure [[Journalism|journalist]] by the name of [[Karl Marx]]. <br> We are told that foreign correspondent Marx, stone broke, and with a family ill and undernourished, constantly appealed to Greeley and managing editor [[w:Charles Anderson Dana|Charles Dana]] for an increase in his munificent salary of $5 per installment, a salary which he and [[Friedrich Engels|Engels]] ungratefully labeled as the "lousiest [[petty bourgeois]] cheating." <br> But when all his financial appeals were refused, Marx looked around for other means of livelihood and fame, eventually terminating his relationship with the Tribune and devoting his talents full time to the cause that would bequeath the world the seeds of [[Leninism]], [[Stalinism]], [[revolution]] and the [[Cold War|cold war]]. <br> If only this [[Capitalism|capitalistic]] [[New York City|New York]] [[Newspapers|newspaper]] had treated him more kindly; if only Marx had remained a foreign correspondent, history might have been different. And I hope all publishers will bear this lesson in mind the next time they receive a poverty-stricken appeal for a small increase in the expense account from an obscure newspaper man. * '''I want to talk about our common responsibilities in the face of a common danger. The events of recent weeks may have helped to illuminate that challenge for some; but the dimensions of its threat have loomed large on the horizon for many years.''' Whatever our hopes may be for the future — for reducing this threat or living with it — there is no escaping either the gravity or the totality of its challenge to our survival and to our security — a challenge that confronts us in unaccustomed ways in every sphere of human activity. <br> This deadly challenge imposes upon our society two requirements of direct concern both to the press and to the President — two requirements that may seem almost contradictory in tone, but which must be reconciled and fulfilled if we are to meet this national peril. '''I refer, first, to the need for a far greater public information; and, second, to the need for far greater official secrecy.''' * '''The very word "[[secrecy]]" is repugnant in a free and open society; and we are as a people inherently and historically opposed to secret societies, to secret oaths and to secret proceedings.''' We decided long ago that the dangers of excessive and unwarranted concealment of pertinent facts far outweighed the dangers which are cited to justify it. Even today, '''there is little value in opposing the threat of a closed society by imitating its arbitrary restrictions. Even today, there is little value in insuring the survival of our nation if our traditions do not survive with it. And there is very grave danger that an announced need for increased security will be seized upon by those anxious to expand its meaning to the very limits of official censorship and concealment.''' That I do not intend to permit to the extent that it is in my control. And '''no official of my Administration, whether his rank is high or low, civilian or military, should interpret my words here tonight as an excuse to censor the news, to stifle dissent, to cover up our mistakes or to withhold from the press and the public the facts they deserve to know.''' * '''Today no war has been declared — and however fierce the struggle may be, it may never be declared in the traditional fashion. Our way of life is under attack.''' Those who make themselves our enemy are advancing around the globe. '''The survival of our friends is in danger.''' And yet no war has been declared, no borders have been crossed by marching troops, no missiles have been fired. <br> If the press is awaiting a declaration of war before it imposes the self-discipline of combat conditions, then I can only say that no war ever posed a greater threat to our security. '''If you are awaiting a finding of [[w:Clear and present danger|"clear and present danger]]," then I can only say that the danger has never been more clear and its presence has never been more imminent.''' <br> It requires a change in outlook, a change in tactics, a change in missions — by the government, by the people, by every businessman or labor leader, and by every newspaper. For '''we are opposed around the world by a monolithic and ruthless conspiracy that relies primarily on covert means for expanding its sphere of influence — on infiltration instead of invasion, on subversion instead of elections, on intimidation instead of free choice, on guerrillas by night instead of armies by day. It is a system which has conscripted vast human and material resources into the building of a tightly knit, highly efficient machine that combines military, diplomatic, intelligence, economic, scientific and political operations. Its preparations are concealed, not published. Its mistakes are buried, not headlined. Its dissenters are silenced not praised. No expenditure is questioned, no rumor is printed, no secret is revealed.''' It conducts the Cold War, in short, with a war-time discipline no democracy would ever hope or wish to match. <br> Nevertheless, every democracy recognizes the necessary restraints of national security — and the question remains whether those restraints need to be more strictly observed if we are to oppose this kind of attack as well as outright invasion. * '''No President should fear public scrutiny of his program. For from that scrutiny comes understanding; and from that understanding comes support or opposition. And both are necessary.''' I am not asking your newspapers to support the Administration, but I am asking your help in the tremendous task of informing and alerting the American people. For I have complete confidence in the response and dedication of our citizens whenever they are fully informed. <br> I not only could not stifle controversy among your readers — I welcome it. This Administration intends to be candid about its errors; for as '''[[w:Orlando Aloysius Battista|a wise man]] once said: "An error does not become a mistake until you refuse to correct it."''' We intend to accept full responsibility for our errors; and we expect you to point them out when we miss them. * '''Without [[debate]], without [[criticism]], no Administration and no country can succeed — and no [[republic]] can survive.''' That is why the [[Athens|Athenian]] lawmaker [[Solon]] decreed it a crime for any citizen to shrink from controversy. '''And that is why our press was protected by the [[First Amendment to the United States Constitution|First Amendment]]''' — the only business in America specifically protected by the Constitution- -'''not primarily to amuse and entertain, not to emphasize the trivial and the sentimental, not to simply "give the public what it wants" — but to inform, to arouse, to reflect, to state our dangers and our opportunities, to indicate our crises and our choices, to lead, mold, educate and sometimes even anger public opinion. <br> This means greater coverage and analysis of international news — for it is no longer far away and foreign but close at hand and local. It means greater attention to improved understanding of the news as well as improved transmission. And it means, finally, that government at all levels, must meet its obligation to provide you with the fullest possible information outside the narrowest limits of national security''' — and we intend to do it. * It was early in the Seventeenth Century that [[Francis Bacon]] remarked on three recent inventions already transforming the world: the compass, gunpowder and the printing press. Now the links between the nations first forged by the compass have made us all citizens of the world, the hopes and threats of one becoming the hopes and threats of us all. In that one world's efforts to live together, the evolution of gunpowder to its ultimate limit has warned mankind of the terrible consequences of failure. <br> And so it is to the printing press — to the recorder of man's deeds, the keeper of his conscience, the courier of his news — that we look for strength and assistance, confident that with your help '''man will be what he was born to be: free and independent.''' ** Kennedy here references [[Francis Bacon]]'s Aphorism 129 of ''[[w:Novum Organum|Novum Organum]]'': [[s:Novum Organum/Book I (Wood)|Again, we should notice the force, effect, and consequences of inventions, which are nowhere more conspicuous than in those three which were unknown to the ancients; namely, printing, gunpowder, and the compass. For these three have changed the appearance and state of the whole world; first in literature, then in warfare, and lastly in navigation: and innumerable changes have been thence derived, so that no empire, sect, or star, appears to have exercised a greater power and influence on human affairs than these mechanical discoveries.]] ==== Speech to Special Joint Session of Congress ==== [[File:USA123.jpg|thumb|We stand, as we have always stood from our earliest beginnings, for the [[independence]] and [[equality]] of all nations. This nation was born of [[revolution]] and raised in [[freedom]]. And we do not intend to leave an open road for [[despotism]].]] [[File:USS Constitution vs Guerriere.jpg|thumb|Experience has taught us that no one nation has the power or the wisdom to solve all the problems of the world or manage its revolutionary tides-that extending our commitments does not always increase our security--that any initiative carries with it the risk of a temporary defeat--that [[nuclear weapons]] cannot prevent subversion--that no free people can be kept free without will and energy of their own-- and that no two nations or situations are exactly alike.]] [[File:USCurrency Federal Reserve.jpg|thumb|Our security and progress cannot be cheaply purchased; and their price must be found in what we all forego as well as what we all must pay.]] [[File:Kennedy Giving Historic Speech to Congress - GPN-2000-001658.jpg|thumb|I believe that this nation should commit itself to achieving the goal, before this decade is out, of landing a man on the moon and returning him safely to the Earth.]] {{original recording|Discurso de Kennedy.ogg}} [[File:Apollo 11 Launch2.jpg|thumb|But in a very real sense, it will not be one man going to the moon — if we make this judgment affirmatively, it will be an entire nation.]] [[File:Kennedyallee Plittersdorf.jpg|thumb|If we are to go only half way, or reduce our sights in the face of difficulty, in my judgment it would be better not to go at all.]] [[File:Cropped Earth with Sunburst.PNG|thumb|There is no sense in agreeing or desiring that the United States take an affirmative position in outer space, unless we are prepared to do the work and bear the burdens to make it successful. ]] [[File:March to Vincennes.jpg|thumb|Our country is united in its commitment to freedom-and is ready to do its duty.]] :<small> [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/special-message-the-congress-urgent-national-needs Address to a Joint Session of Congress (25 May 1961)]; this includes his Special Message to the Congress on urgent national needs the goal of sending a Man to the Moon before the 1960's are over. More specifically President Kennedy asked for an additional $7 billion to $9 billion over the next five years for the space program, proclaiming that “this nation should commit itself to achieving the goal, before the decade is out, of landing a man on the moon and returning him safely to the earth.” President Kennedy settled upon this dramatic goal as a means of focusing and mobilizing our lagging space efforts. He did not justify the needed expenditure on the basis of science and exploration, but placed the program clearly in the camp of the competing ideologies of [[democracy]] vs. [[communism]].</small> * '''These are extraordinary times. And we face an extraordinary challenge. Our strength as well as our convictions have imposed upon this nation the role of leader in [[freedom]]'s cause. No role in history could be more difficult or more important. We stand for freedom. That is our conviction for ourselves--that is our only commitment to others. No friend, no neutral and no adversary should think otherwise. We are not against any man--or any nation--or any system--except as it is hostile to freedom. Nor am I here to present a new military doctrine, bearing any one name or aimed at any one area. I am here to promote the freedom doctrine.''' * '''The great battleground for the defense and expansion of freedom today is''' the whole southern half of the globe--[[Asia]], [[Latin America]], [[Africa]] and the [[Middle East]]--'''the lands of the rising peoples. Their revolution is the greatest in human [[history]]. They seek an end to [[injustice]], [[tyranny]], and exploitation. More than an end, they seek a beginning. And theirs is a revolution which we would support regardless of the [[Cold War]], and regardless of which political or economic route they should choose to freedom. For the adversaries of freedom did not create the revolution; nor did they create the conditions which compel it. But they are seeking to ride the crest of its wave--to capture it for themselves. Yet their aggression is more often concealed than open. They have fired no missiles; and their troops are seldom seen. They send arms, agitators, aid, technicians and propaganda to every troubled area. But where fighting is required, it is usually done by others--by guerrillas striking at night, by assassins striking alone'''--assassins who have taken the lives of four thousand civil officers in the last twelve months in [[Vietnam War|Vietnam]] alone--'''by subversives and saboteurs and [[Insurrection|insurrectionists]], who in some cases control whole areas inside of independent nations. They possess a powerful intercontinental striking force, large forces for conventional war, a well-trained underground in nearly every country, the power to conscript talent and manpower for any purpose, the capacity for quick decisions, a closed society without dissent or free information, and long experience in the techniques of violence and subversion. They make the most of their scientific successes, their economic progress and their pose as a foe of colonialism and friend of popular revolution. They prey on unstable or unpopular governments, unsealed, or unknown boundaries, unfilled hopes, convulsive change, massive poverty, illiteracy, unrest and frustration. With these formidable weapons, the adversaries of freedom plan to consolidate their territory--to exploit, to control, and finally to destroy the hopes of the world's newest nations; and they have ambition to do it before the end of this decade. It is a contest of will and purpose as well as force and violence--a battle for minds and souls as well as lives and territory. And in that contest, we cannot stand aside. We stand, as we have always stood from our earliest beginnings, for the [[independence]] and [[equality]] of all nations. This nation was born of [[revolution]] and raised in [[freedom]]. And we do not intend to leave an open road for [[despotism]].''' * '''There is no single simple policy which meets this challenge. Experience has taught us that no one nation has the power or the wisdom to solve all the problems of the world or manage its revolutionary tides-that extending our commitments does not always increase our security--that any initiative carries with it the risk of a temporary defeat--that [[Nuclear weapons|nuclear weapons]] cannot prevent subversion--that no free people can be kept free without will and energy of their own-- and that no two nations or situations are exactly alike.''' * '''Our security and progress cannot be cheaply purchased; and their price must be found in what we all forego as well as what we all must pay.''' * I stress the strength of our economy because it is essential to the strength of our nation. And what is true in our case is true in the case of other countries. Their strength in the struggle for freedom depends on the strength of their economic and their social progress. We would be badly mistaken to consider their problems in military terms alone. For '''no amount of arms and armies can help stabilize those governments which are unable or unwilling to achieve social and economic reform and development. Military pacts cannot help nations whose social injustice and economic chaos invite insurgency and penetration and subversion.''' The most skillful counter-guerrilla efforts cannot succeed where the local population is too caught up in its own misery to be concerned about the advance of [[communism]].''' * This is also our great '''opportunity''' in 1961. '''If we grasp it, then subversion to prevent its success is exposed as an unjustifiable attempt to keep these nations from either being free or equal. But if we do not pursue it, and if they do not pursue it, the bankruptcy of unstable governments, one by one, and of unfilled hopes will surely lead to a series of totalitarian receiverships.''' * But '''while we talk of sharing and building and the competition of ideas, others talk of arms and threaten war. So we have learned to keep our defenses strong--and to cooperate with others in a partnership of self-defense.''' * '''The main burden of local defense against local attack, subversion, insurrection or guerrilla warfare must of necessity rest with local forces. Where these forces have the necessary will and capacity to cope with such threats, our intervention is rarely necessary or helpful.''' Where the will is present and only capacity is lacking, '''our Military Assistance Program''' can be of help. But this program, like economic assistance, needs a new emphasis. It '''cannot be extended without regard to the social, political and military reforms essential to internal respect and stability. The equipment and training provided must be tailored to legitimate local needs and to our own foreign and military policies, not to our supply of military stocks or a local leader's desire for military display. And military assistance can, in addition to its military purposes, make a contribution to economic progress''', as do our own Army Engineers. * Military and economic assistance has been a heavy burden on our citizens for a long time, and I recognize the strong pressures against it; but this battle is far from over, it is reaching a crucial stage, and I believe we should participate in it. '''We cannot merely state our opposition to totalitarian advance without paying the price of helping those now under the greatest pressure.''' * This Administration has been looking hard at exactly what '''civil defense''' can and cannot do. It '''cannot be obtained cheaply. It cannot give an assurance of blast protection that will be proof against surprise attack or guaranteed against obsolescence or destruction. And it cannot deter a nuclear attack. We will deter an enemy from making a nuclear attack only if our retaliatory power is so strong and so invulnerable that he knows he would be destroyed by our response. If we have that strength, civil defense is not needed to deter an attack. If we should ever lack it, civil defense would not be an adequate substitute. But this deterrent concept assumes rational calculations by rational men. And the history of this planet, and particularly the history of the [[20th century]], is sufficient to remind us of the possibilities of an irrational attack, a miscalculation, an accidental war, for a war of escalation in which the stakes by each side gradually increase to the point of maximum danger which cannot be either foreseen or deterred. It is on this basis that civil defense can be readily justifiable--as insurance for the civilian population in case of an enemy miscalculation. It is insurance we trust will never be needed--but insurance which we could never forgive ourselves for foregoing in the event of catastrophe.''' Once the validity of this concept is recognized, there is no point in delaying the initiation of a nation-wide long-range program of identifying present fallout shelter capacity and providing shelter in new and existing structures. '''Such a program would protect millions of people against the hazards of radioactive fallout in the event of large-scale nuclear attack.''' Effective performance of the entire program not only requires new legislative authority and more funds, but also sound organizational arrangements. * I cannot end this discussion of defense and armaments without emphasizing '''our strongest hope: the creation of an orderly world where disarmament will be possible. Our aims do not prepare for war--they are efforts to discourage and resist the adventures of others that could end in war. ''' * Finally, if we are to win the battle that is now going on around the world between freedom and tyranny, the dramatic achievements in space which occurred in recent weeks should have made clear to us all, as did the [[w:Sputnik crisis|Sputnik in 1957]], the impact of this adventure on the minds of men everywhere, who are attempting to make a determination of which road they should take. [...] '''Now it is time to take longer strides — time for a great new American enterprise — time for this nation to take a clearly leading role in space achievement, which in many ways may hold the key to our future on earth. I believe we possess all the resources and talents necessary.''' But the facts of the matter are that we have never made the national decisions or marshaled the national resources required for such leadership. We have never specified long-range goals on an urgent time schedule, or managed our resources and our time so as to insure theft fulfillment. </br> Recognizing the head start obtained by the Soviets with their large rocket engines, which gives them many months of lead-time, and recognizing the likelihood that they will exploit this lead for some time to come in still more impressive successes, we nevertheless are required to make new efforts on our own. For '''while we cannot guarantee that we shall one day be first, we can guarantee that any failure to make this effort will make us last. We take an additional risk by making it in full view of the world, but as shown by [[w:Project_Mercury#Space_race|feat]] of [[w:Alan Shepard#Mercury:_Freedom_7_pilot|astronaut Shepard]], this very risk enhances our stature when we are successful. But this is not merely a race. Space is open to us now; and our eagerness to share its meaning is not governed by the efforts of others. We go into space because whatever mankind must undertake, free men must fully share.''' * '''I believe that this nation should commit itself to achieving the goal, before this decade is out, of landing a man on the moon and returning him safely to the earth. No single space project in this period will be more impressive to mankind, or more important for the long-range exploration of space; and none will be so difficult or expensive to accomplish.''' We propose to accelerate the development of the appropriate lunar space craft. We propose to develop alternate liquid and solid fuel boosters, much larger than any now being developed, until certain which is superior. We propose additional funds for other engine development and for unmanned explorations — explorations which are particularly important for one purpose which this nation will never overlook: the survival of the man who first makes this daring flight. '''But in a very real sense, it will not be one man going to the moon — if we make this judgment affirmatively, it will be an entire nation. For all of us must work to put him there.''' * Let it be clear — and this is a judgment which the Members of the Congress must finally make — let it be clear that I am asking the Congress and the country to accept a firm commitment to a new course of action — a course which will last for many years and carry very heavy costs: 531 million dollars in fiscal '62 — an estimated seven to nine billion dollars additional over the next five years. '''If we are to go only half way, or reduce our sights in the face of difficulty, in my judgment it would be better not to go at all.''' * '''It is a most important decision that we make as a nation.''' But all of you have lived through the last four years and have seen the significance of space and the adventures in space, and no one can predict with certainty what the ultimate meaning will be of mastery of space. '''I believe we should go to the moon.''' But I think every citizen of this country as well as the Members of the Congress should consider the matter carefully in making their judgment, to which we have given attention over many weeks and months, because it is a heavy burden, and '''there is no sense in agreeing or desiring that the United States take an affirmative position in outer space, unless we are prepared to do the work and bear the burdens to make it successful.''' If we are not, we should decide today and this year. * '''This decision demands a major national commitment of scientific and technical manpower, materiel and facilities''', and the possibility of their diversion from other important activities where they are already thinly spread. It means a degree of dedication, organization and discipline which have not always characterized our research and development efforts. '''It means we cannot afford undue work stoppages, inflated costs of material or talent, wasteful interagency rivalries, or a high turnover of key personnel. New objectives and new money cannot solve these problems. They could in fact, aggravate them further — unless every scientist, every engineer, every serviceman, every technician, contractor, and civil servant gives his personal pledge that this nation will move forward, with the full speed of freedom, in the exciting adventure of space.''' * '''In conclusion, let me emphasize one point:''' that '''we are determined''', as a nation in 1961 '''that freedom shall survive and succeed--and whatever the peril and set-backs, we have some very large advantages. The first is the simple fact that we are on the side of [[liberty]]--and since the beginning of history, and particularly since the end of the [[Second World War]], liberty has been winning out all over the globe. A second great asset is that we are not alone. We have friends and allies all over the world who share our devotion to freedom. [...] A third asset is our desire for peace. It is sincere, and I believe the world knows it. [...] Yet it is important to know that our patience at the bargaining table is nearly inexhaustible, though our credulity is limited-that our hopes for peace are unfailing, while our determination to protect our security is resolute.''' * '''Finally, our greatest asset in this struggle is the American people--their willingness to pay the price for these programs--to understand and accept a long struggle--to share their resources with other less fortunate people-to meet the [[Taxation in the United States|tax]] levels and close the tax loopholes I have requested--to exercise self-restraint instead of pushing up wages or prices, or over-producing certain crops, or spreading military secrets, or urging unessential expenditures or improper monopolies or harmful work stoppages--to serve in the Peace Corps or the Armed Services or the Federal Civil Service or the Congress--to strive for excellence in their schools, in their cities and in their physical fitness and that of their children--to take part in Civil Defense-to pay higher postal rates, and higher payroll taxes and higher teachers' salaries, in order to strengthen our society--to show friendship to students and visitors from other lands who visit us and go back in many cases to be the future leaders, with an image of America--and I want that image, and I know you do, to be affirmative and positive-and, finally, to practice [[democracy]] at home, in all States, with all races, to respect each other and to protect the Constitutional rights of all citizens.''' * I have not asked for a single program which did not cause one or all Americans some inconvenience, or some hardship, or some sacrifice. But they have responded-and you in the Congress have responded to your duty--and I feel confident in asking today for a similar response to these new and larger demands. '''It is heartening to know''', as I journey abroad, '''that our country is united in its commitment to freedom-and is ready to do its duty.''' ==== [[w:Berlin Crisis of 1961|Berlin Crisis]] speech ==== :<small>[https://www.jfklibrary.org/archives/other-resources/john-f-kennedy-speeches/berlin-crisis-19610725 "Radio and Television Report to the American People on the Berlin Crisis" (25 July 1961)]; addressing the impending possibility of war between the United States and the [[w:Soviet Union|Soviet Union]] (USSR) over the [[w:Berlin Crisis of 1961|crisis in]] [[w:Berlin|Berlin]], [[w:Germany|Germany]]. In his speech the President addresses the Soviet Union's attempts to cut off America's access to West Berlin, thus making it impossible to secure freedom from [[communism]] for the people of Berlin. The President goes on to discuss the imminent threat of [[w:nuclear war|nuclear war]] and his plan to increase funding and manpower for the military, provide appropriate communications for air raid warnings, and ensure that all Americans have access to fall-out shelters should a [[w:nuclear holocaust|nuclear holocaust]] occur. </small> [[File:McAuliffeBastogneChristmasLetter101Airborne.jpg|thumb|Any dangerous spot is tenable if men--brave men--will make it so.]] [[File:NATO flag.svg|thumb|The strength of the alliance on which our security depends is dependent in turn on our willingness to meet our commitments to them.]] [[File:US Army tanks face off against Soviet tanks, Berlin 1961.jpg|thumb|If there is one path above all others to war, it is the path of weakness and disunity.]] [[File:JFK speech lch bin ein berliner 1.jpg|thumb|With your help, and the help of other free men, this crisis can be surmounted. Freedom can prevail and peace can endure.]] * '''We are clear about what must be done--and we intend to do it.''' I want to talk frankly with you tonight about the first steps that we shall take. '''These actions will require sacrifice on the part of many of our citizens. More will be required in the future. They will require, from all of us, courage and perseverance in the years to come. But if we and our allies act out of strength and unity of purpose--with calm determination and steady nerves--using restraint in our words as well as our weapons--I am hopeful that both peace and freedom will be sustained.''' * I hear it said that [[w:Battle of Berlin|West Berlin]] is militarily untenable. And so was [[w:Siege of Bastogne|Bastogne]]. And so, in fact, was [[w:Battle of Stalingrad|Stalingrad]]. '''Any dangerous spot is tenable if men--brave men--will make it so.''' * We do not want to fight — but we have fought before. And others in earlier times have made the same dangerous mistake of assuming that the West was too selfish and too soft and too divided to resist invasions of freedom in other lands. Those who threaten to unleash the forces of war on a dispute over West Berlin should recall the words of the ancient philosopher: "[[w:Epicurus |A man who causes fear cannot be free from fear.]]" * '''Everything essential to the security of freedom must be done; and if that should require more men, or more [[Taxation|taxes]], or more controls, or other new powers, I shall not hesitate to ask them. [...] I realize that no public revenue measure is welcomed by everyone. But I am certain that every American wants to pay his fair share, and not leave the burden of defending freedom entirely to those who bear arms. For we have mortgaged our very future on this defense--and we cannot fail to meet our responsibilities.''' * '''We do not intend to abandon our duty to mankind to seek a peaceful solution.''' As signers of the [[Charter of the United Nations|UN Charter]], '''we shall always be prepared to discuss international problems with any and all nations that are willing to talk — and listen — with reason. If they have proposals — not demands — we shall hear them. If they seek genuine understanding — not concessions of our [[rights]] — we shall meet with them.''' We have previously indicated our readiness to remove any actual irritants in West Berlin, but '''the freedom''' of that city '''is not negotiable. We cannot negotiate with those who say "What's mine is mine and what's yours is negotiable." But we are willing to consider any arrangement or treaty''' in [[Germany]] '''consistent with the maintenance of peace and freedom, and with the legitimate security interests of all nations. [...] In short, while we are ready to defend our interests, we shall also be ready to search for peace--in quiet exploratory talks--in formal or informal meetings. ''' * '''The strength of the alliance on which our security depends is dependent in turn on our willingness to meet our commitments to them.''' * We will at all times be ready to talk, if '''talk''' will help. But we must also be ready to resist with '''force''', if force is used upon us. '''Either alone would fail. Together, they can serve the cause of freedom and peace.''' * And as Americans know from our history [[w:American Frontier|on our own old frontier]], '''gun battles are caused by outlaws, and not by officers of the peace.''' * And '''if there is one path above all others to war, it is the path of weakness and disunity.''' * '''When I ran for Presidency of the United States, I knew that this country faced serious challenges, but I could not realize — nor could any man realize who does not bear the burdens of this office — how heavy and constant would be those burdens.''' * Now, '''in the [[w:nuclear age|thermonuclear age]], any misjudgment on either side about the intentions of the other could rain more devastation in several hours than has been wrought in all the wars of human history.''' Therefore I, as President and Commander-in-Chief, and all of us as Americans, are moving through serious days. I shall bear this responsibility under our Constitution for the next three and one-half years, but I am sure that '''we all, regardless of our occupations, will do our very best for our country, and for our cause. For all of us want to see our children grow up in a country at peace, and in a world where freedom endures. I know that sometimes we get impatient, we wish for some immediate action that would end our perils. But I must tell you that there is no quick and easy solution. [...] We must look to long days ahead, which if we are courageous and persevering can bring us what we all desire.''' * The steps I have indicated tonight are aimed at avoiding that war. To sum it all up: '''we seek peace — but we shall not surrender.''' That is the central meaning of this crisis, and the meaning of your government's policy. '''With your help, and the help of other free men, this crisis can be surmounted. Freedom can prevail and peace can endure.''' ==== UN speech ==== [[File:Nagasakibomb.jpg|thumb|Mankind must put an end to war or war will put an end to mankind.]] [[File:Castle Romeo.jpg|thumb|The weapons of war must be abolished before they abolish us.]] [[File:Winken ueber die Berliner Mauer.jpg|thumb|Self-determination is but a slogan if the future holds no hope.]] [[File:Tuojiangosaurus multispinus.jpg|thumb|Unless man can match his strides in weaponry and technology with equal strides in social and political development, our great strength, like that of the dinosaur, will become incapable of proper control — and like the dinosaur vanish from the earth.]] [[File:BlueMarble-2001-2002.jpg|thumb|If we all can persevere, if we can in every land and office look beyond our own shores and ambitions, then surely the age will dawn in which the strong are just and the weak secure and the peace preserved.]] [[File:The Earth seen from Apollo 17.jpg|thumb|Together we shall save our planet, or together we shall perish in its flames.]] :<small>[http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Ready-Reference/JFK-Speeches/Address-Before-the-General-Assembly-of-the-United-Nations-September-25-1961.aspx Address before the General Assembly of the United Nations] (25 September 1961); this addresses the recent death of U.N. Secretary-General [[Dag Hammarskjold]], presents six proposals for the new Disarmament Program, and provides information on the current crises in [[w:Berlin|Berlin]], [[w:Germany|Germany]], [[w:Laos|Laos]], and [[w:South Vietnam|South Vietnam]].</small> * '''We meet in an hour of grief and challenge. [[Dag Hammarskjöld|Dag Hammarskjold]] is dead. But the [[United Nations]] lives. His tragedy is deep in our hearts, but the task for which he died is at the top of our agenda. A noble servant of [[peace]] is gone. But the quest for peace lies before us.''' <br> The problem is not the death of one man — the problem is the life of this organization. It will either grow to meet the challenges of our age, or it will be gone with the wind, without influence, without force, without respect. Were we to let it die, to enfeeble its vigor, to cripple its powers, we would condemn our future. For in the development of this organization rests the only true alternative to war — and war appeals no longer as a rational alternative. Unconditional war can no longer lead to unconditional victory. It can no longer serve to settle disputes. It can no longer concern the great powers alone. For a nuclear disaster, spread by wind and water and fear, could well engulf the great and the small, the rich and the poor, the committed and the uncommitted alike. '''Mankind must put an end to war — or war will put an end to mankind.<br> So let us here resolve that Dag Hammarskjold did not live, or die, in vain. Let us call a truce to terror. Let us invoke the blessings of peace. And as we build an international capacity to keep peace, let us join in dismantling the national capacity to wage war.''' * '''[[Disarmament]] without checks is but a shadow — and a community without law is but a shell.''' * The great question which confronted this body in 1945 is still before us: whether man's cherished hopes for progress and peace are to be destroyed by terror and disruption, whether the "foul winds of war" can be tamed in time to free the cooling winds of reason, and whether the pledges of our Charter are to be fulfilled or defied — pledges to secure peace, progress, human rights and world law. * The Secretary General, in a very real sense, is the servant of the '''[[General Assembly of the United Nations|General Assembly]]'''. Diminish his authority and you diminish the authority of '''the only body where all nations, regardless of power, are equal and sovereign. Until all the powerful are just, the weak will be secure only in the strength of this Assembly.''' * Today, every inhabitant of this planet must contemplate the day when this planet may no longer be habitable. '''Every man, woman and child lives under a nuclear [[w:sword of Damocles|sword of Damocles]], hanging by the slenderest of threads, capable of being cut at any moment by accident, or miscalculation, or by madness. The weapons of war must be abolished before they abolish us.''' * Men no longer debate whether armaments are a symptom or a cause of tension. '''The mere existence of modern weapons''' — ten million times more powerful than any that the world has ever seen, and only minutes away from any target on earth — '''is a source of horror, and discord and distrust.''' Men no longer maintain that disarmament must await the settlement of all disputes — for disarmament must be a part of any permanent settlement. And men may no longer pretend that the quest for disarmament is a sign of weakness — for in a spiraling arms race, a nation's security may well be shrinking even as its arms increase. * For fifteen years this organization has sought the reduction and destruction of arms. Now that goal is no longer a dream — it is a practical matter of life or death. '''The risks inherent in disarmament pale in comparison to the risks inherent in an unlimited arms race.''' <br> In short, general and complete disarmament must no longer be a slogan, used to resist the first steps. It is no longer to be a goal without means of achieving it, without means of verifying its progress, without means of keeping the peace. It is now a realistic plan, and a test — a test of those only willing to talk and a test of those willing to act.<br> Such a plan would not bring a world free from conflict and greed — but it would bring a world free from the terrors of mass destruction. It would not usher in the era of the super state — but it would usher in an era in which no state could annihilate or be annihilated by another. <br> But to halt the spread of these terrible weapons, to halt the contamination of the air, to halt the spiraling nuclear arms race, we remain ready to seek new avenues of agreement, our new Disarmament Program thus includes the following proposals: :First, signing [[w:Partial Nuclear Test Ban Treaty|the test-ban treaty]] by all nations. This can be done now. Test ban [[negotiations]] need not and should not await general disarmament. :Second, stopping the production of fissionable materials for use in weapons, and preventing their transfer to any nation now lacking in nuclear weapons. :Third, prohibiting the transfer of control over nuclear weapons to states that do not own them. :Fourth, keeping nuclear weapons from seeding new battlegrounds in outer space. :Fifth, gradually destroying existing nuclear weapons and converting their materials to peaceful uses; and :Finally, halting the unlimited testing and production of strategic nuclear delivery vehicles, and gradually destroying them as well. * But we are well aware that all issues of principle are not settled, and that principles alone are not enough. '''It is''' therefore '''our intention to challenge the [[w:Soviet Union|Soviet Union]], not to an arms race, but to a peace race- -to advance together step by step, stage by stage, until general and complete disarmament has been achieved.''' We invite them now to go beyond agreement in principle to reach agreement on actual plans. * '''Peace is not solely a matter of military or technical problems — it is primarily a problem of politics and people. And unless man can match his strides in weaponry and technology with equal strides in social and political development, our great strength, like that of the dinosaur, will become incapable of proper control — and like the dinosaur vanish from the earth.''' * '''Political [[sovereignty]] is but a mockery without the means of meeting poverty and illiteracy and disease. Self-determination is but a slogan if the future holds no hope.''' * I do not ignore '''the remaining problems of [[w:colonialism|traditional colonialism]]''' which still confront this body. '''Those problems will be solved, with [[patience]], [[good will]], and [[determination]].''' Within the limits of our responsibility in such matters, my Country intends to be a participant and not merely an observer, in the peaceful, expeditious [[Decolonization|movement of nations from the status of colonies to the partnership of equals]]. That continuing tide of self-determination, which runs so strong, has our sympathy and our support. '''But colonialism in its harshest forms is not only the exploitation of new nations by old, of dark skins by light, or the subjugation of the poor by the rich. My Nation was once a colony, and we know what colonialism means; the exploitation and subjugation of the weak by the powerful, of the many by the few, of the governed who have given no consent to be governed, whatever their continent, their class, their color.''' * '''For a city or a people to be truly free they must have the secure right, without economic, political or police pressure, to make their own choice and to live their own lives.''' * '''The political disposition of peoples should rest upon their own wishes, freely expressed in plebiscites or free elections.''' If there are legal problems, they can be solved by legal means. If there is a threat of force, it must be rejected. If there is desire for change, it must be a subject for [[negotiation]], and if there is negotiation, it must be rooted in mutual respect and concern for the rights of others. * I pledge you that we will neither commit nor provoke aggression, that we shall neither flee nor invoke the threat of force, that '''we shall never negotiate out of fear, we shall never fear to negotiate.''' * '''[[Terrorism|Terror]] is not a new weapon. Throughout history it has been used by those who could not prevail, either by persuasion or example. But inevitably they fail, either because men are not afraid to die for a life worth living, or because the terrorists themselves came to realize that free men cannot be frightened by threats, and that aggression would meet its own response.''' And it is in the light of that history that every nation today should know, be he friend or foe, that the United States has both the will and the weapons to join free men in standing up to their responsibilities. * '''I come here today to look across this world of threats to a world of peace. In that search we cannot expect any final triumph''' — for new problems will always arise. We cannot expect that all nations will adopt like systems — for '''conformity is the jailor of freedom, and the enemy of growth.''' Nor can we expect to reach our goal by contrivance, by fiat or even by the wishes of all.<br> '''But however close we sometimes seem to that dark and final abyss, let no man of peace and freedom despair. For he does not stand alone. If we all can persevere, if we can in every land and office look beyond our own shores and ambitions, then surely the age will dawn in which the strong are just and the weak secure and the peace preserved.''' * Ladies and gentlemen of this Assembly, the decision is ours. Never have the nations of the world had so much to lose, or so much to gain. '''Together we shall save our planet, or together we shall perish in its flames. Save it we can — and save it we must — and then shall we earn the eternal thanks of mankind and, as peacemakers, the eternal blessing of [[God]].''' ==== Address at the University of Washington ==== :<small>[http://www.jfklibrary.org/Asset-Viewer/Aw3MwwJMf0631R6JLmAprQ.aspx Address at the University of Washington's 100th Anniversary Program] (16 November 1961). As 1961 drew to an end, the United States and the [[w:Soviet Union|Soviet Union]] were at the height of the [[w:Cold War|Cold War]], and Cuba and [[w:Berlin Crisis of 1961|Berlin]] were hot spots. In April 1961, the United States Central Intelligence Agency had organized 1,400 armed Cuban exiles in [[w:Bay of Pigs Invasion|a failed attempt to invade Cuba at the Bay of Pigs]]. On August 20, 1961, East Germany erected a five foot high concrete wall dividing East and West Berlin and on October 28, 1961, a tense, 18-hour face off occurred at the Berlin Wall between Soviet and American tanks. On August 31, 1961, the Soviet Union began conducting aboveground nuclear tests, detonating perhaps 15 bombs during September 1961. Local newspapers advised Seattleites on how to construct and stock personal nuclear fallout shelters. It was in this context that President John F. Kennedy arrived at Boeing Airport in Seattle, Washington on November 16, 1961 to deliver a major foreign policy speech at the [[w:University of Washington|University of Washington]] Centennial Convocation. In his speech President Kennedy discusses the creation of [[w:Land-grant university|educational institutions]] through the [[w:Morrill Land-Grant Acts|Morrill Acts of 1862 and 1890]]. He also addresses the current state of American international relations, with emphasis on the challenges of defending freedom and maintaining peace as a world power. · [http://www.learner.org/channel/workshops/primarysources/coldwar/docs/jfk.html "President John F. Kennedy's University of Washington Speech" in ''Primary Sources: Workshops in American History'' Annenberg Media Learner.org]</small> [[File:President Kennedy American University Commencement Address June 10, 1963.jpg|thumb|The basis of self-government and freedom requires the development of character and self-restraint and perseverance and the long view. And these are qualities which require many years of training and education.]] [[File:UN General Assembly.jpg|thumb|We must face problems which do not lend themselves to easy or quick or permanent solutions … there cannot be an American solution to every world problem...]] [[File:President Kennedy and Vice President Johnson prior to ceremony.jpg|thumb|Diplomacy and defense are not substitutes for one another. Either alone would fail. A willingness to resist force, unaccompanied by a willingness to talk, could provoke belligerence — while a willingness to talk, unaccompanied by a willingness to resist force, could invite disaster.]] [[File:Signing Of The Social Security Act.jpg|thumb|We celebrate the past to awaken the future.]] [[File:John Kennedy, Nikita Khrushchev 1961.jpg|thumb|While we shall negotiate freely, we shall not negotiate freedom.]] [[File:United States Capitol - west front.jpg|thumb|The business of the Government is the business of the people.]] [[File:Golden statue.jpg|thumb|For to save mankind's future freedom, we must face up to any risk that is necessary. We will always seek peace — but we will never surrender.]] * '''The basis of self-government and freedom requires the development of character and self-restraint and perseverance and the long view. And these are qualities which require many years of training and education.''' * We increase our arms at a heavy cost, primarily to make certain that we will not have to use them. We must face up to the chance of war, if we are to maintain the peace. We must work with certain countries lacking in freedom in order to strengthen the cause of freedom. We find some who call themselves neutral who are our friends and sympathetic to us, and others who call themselves neutral who are unremittingly hostile to us. And as the most powerful defender of freedom on earth, we find ourselves unable to escape the responsibilities of freedom, and yet unable to exercise it without restraints imposed by the very freedoms we seek to protect. </br> We cannot, as a free nation, compete with our adversaries in tactics of terror, assassination, false promises, counterfeit mobs and crises. </br> '''We cannot, under the scrutiny of a free press and public, tell different stories to different audiences, foreign and domestic, friendly and hostile.''' </br> We cannot abandon the slow processes of consulting with our allies to match the swift expediencies of those who merely dictate to their satellites. </br> We can neither abandon nor control the international organization in which we now cast less than 1 percent of the vote in the General Assembly. </br> '''We possess weapons of tremendous power — but they are least effective in combating the weapons most often used by freedom's foes: subversion, infiltration, guerrilla warfare, civil disorder.''' </br> We send arms to other peoples — just as we send them the ideals of democracy in which we believe — but we cannot send them the will to use those arms or to abide by those ideals. </br> And while we believe not only in the force of arms but in the force of right and reason, we have learned that reason does not always appeal to unreasonable men — that it is not always true that [[s:Bible (King James)/Proverbs#Chapter_15|"a soft answer turneth away wrath"]] — and that right does not always make might. </br> In short, '''we must face problems which do not lend themselves to easy or quick or permanent solutions. And we must face the fact that the United States is neither omnipotent or omniscient — that we are only 6 percent of the world's population — that we cannot impose our will upon the other 94 percent of mankind — that we cannot right every wrong or reverse each adversity — and that therefore there cannot be an American solution to every world problem.''' ** Also quoted in [http://www.time.com/time/specials/2007/article/0,28804,1635958_1635999_1634954-6,00.html "Warrior for Peace" by David Talbot, in ''TIME'' (2 July 2007), p. 50] * These burdens and frustrations are accepted by most Americans with maturity and understanding. They may long for the days when war meant charging up [[w:Battle of San Juan Hill|San Juan Hill]]-or when our isolation was guarded by two oceans — or when the atomic bomb was ours alone — or when much of the industrialized world depended upon our resources and our aid. But they now know that those days are gone — and that gone with them are the old policies and the old complacency's. And they know, too, that '''we must make the best of our new problems and our new opportunities, whatever the risk and the cost.''' </br> But there are others who cannot bear the burden of a long twilight struggle. They lack confidence in our long-run capacity to survive and succeed. Hating communism, yet they see communism in the long run, perhaps, as the wave of the future. And they want some quick and easy and final and cheap solution — now. </br> There are two groups of these frustrated citizens, far apart in their views yet very much alike in their approach. On the one hand are those who urge upon us what I regard to be the pathway of surrender-appeasing our enemies, compromising our commitments, purchasing peace at any price, disavowing our arms, our friends, our obligations. If their view had prevailed, the world of free choice would be smaller today. </br> On the other hand are those who urge upon us what I regard to be the pathway of war: equating [[negotiations]] with appeasement and substituting rigidity for firmness. If their view had prevailed, we would be at war today, and in more than one place. </br> It is a curious fact that each of these extreme opposites resembles the other. Each believes that we have only two choices: appeasement or war, suicide or surrender, humiliation or holocaust, to be either Red or dead. Each side sees only "hard" and "soft" nations, hard and soft policies, hard and soft men. Each believes that any departure from its own course inevitably leads to the other: one group believes that any peaceful solution means appeasement; the other believes that any arms build-up means war. One group regards everyone else as warmongers, the other regards everyone else as appeasers. Neither side admits that its path will lead to disaster — but neither can tell us how or where to draw the line once we descend the slippery slopes of appeasement or constant intervention. </br> In short, while both extremes profess to be the true realists of our time, neither could be more unrealistic. While both claim to be doing the nation a service, they could do it no greater disservice. This kind of talk and '''easy solutions to difficult problems, if believed, could inspire a lack of confidence among our people when they must all — above all else — be united in recognizing the long and difficult days that lie ahead. It could inspire uncertainty among our allies when above all else they must be confident in us. And even more dangerously, it could, if believed, inspire doubt among our adversaries when they must above all be convinced that we will defend our vital interests.''' </br> The essential fact that both of these groups fail to grasp is that '''diplomacy and defense are not substitutes for one another. Either alone would fail. A willingness to resist force, unaccompanied by a willingness to talk, could provoke belligerence — while a willingness to talk, unaccompanied by a willingness to resist force, could invite disaster.''' * But '''as long as we know what comprises our vital interests and our long-range goals, we have nothing to fear from [[negotiations]] at the appropriate time, and nothing to gain by refusing to take part in them.''' At a time when a single clash could escalate overnight into a holocaust of mushroom clouds, '''a great power does not prove its firmness by leaving the task of exploring the other's intentions to sentries or those without full responsibility. Nor can ultimate weapons rightfully be employed, or the ultimate sacrifice rightfully demanded of our citizens, until every reasonable solution has been explored.''' "How many wars," [[Winston Churchill]] has written, "have been averted by patience and persisting good will! .... How many wars have been precipitated by firebrands!" * '''If vital interests under duress can be preserved by peaceful means, [[negotiations]] will find that out. If our adversary will accept nothing-less than a concession of our rights, negotiations will find that out. And if negotiations are to take place, this nation cannot abdicate to its adversaries the task of choosing the forum and the framework and the time.''' * '''No one should be under the illusion that negotiations for the sake of negotiations always advance the cause of peace. If for lack of preparation they break up in bitterness, the prospects of peace have been endangered. If they are made a forum for propaganda or a cover for aggression, the processes of peace have been abused.''' But it is a test of our national maturity to accept the fact that negotiations are not a contest spelling victory or defeat. They may succeed — they may fail. They are likely to be successful only if both sides reach an agreement which both regard as preferable to the status quo — an agreement in which each side can consider its own situation to be improved. And this is most difficult to obtain. But, '''while we shall negotiate freely, we shall not negotiate freedom.''' Our answer to the classic question of [[Patrick Henry]] is still no-life is not so dear, and peace is not so precious, "as to be purchased at the price of chains and [[slavery]]." And that is our answer even though, for the first time since the ancient battles between Greek city-states, war entails the threat of total annihilation, of everything we know, of society itself. '''For to save mankind's future freedom, we must face up to any risk that is necessary. We will always seek peace — but we will never surrender.''' * '''In short, we are neither "warmongers" nor "appeasers," neither "hard" nor "soft." We are Americans, determined to defend the frontiers of freedom, by an honorable peace if peace is possible, but by arms if arms are used against us.''' And if we are to move forward in that spirit, we shall need all the calm and thoughtful citizens that this great University can produce, all the light they can shed, all the wisdom they can bring to bear. It is customary, both here and around the world, to regard life in the United States as easy. Our advantages are many. But more than any other people on earth, '''we bear burdens and accept risks unprecedented in their size and their duration, not for ourselves alone but for all who wish to be free.''' === 1962 === [[File:The Blue Marble.jpg|thumb|The world was not meant to be a prison in which man awaits his execution.]] [[File:ARC200454.gif|thumb|We sometimes chafe at the burden of our obligations, the complexity of our decisions, the agony of our choices. But there is no comfort or security for us in evasion, no solution in abdication, no relief in irresponsibility.]] [[File:Black and white copy of frame from "Zapruder film" (z189 from the Zapruder film), showing Presidential limo in Dealey Plaza, CE479.jpg|thumb|Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.]] [[File:JFK limousine.png|thumb|The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie — deliberate, contrived and dishonest — but the myth — persistent, persuasive, and unrealistic.]] [[File:International newspaper, Rome May 2005.jpg|thumb|A nation that is afraid to let its people judge the truth and falsehood in an open market is a nation that is afraid of its people.]] [[File:Henry-Presentation of Colors.JPG|thumb|The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining.]] [[File:Diagram of the Federal Government and American Union edit.jpg|thumb|The success of this Government, and thus the success of our Nation, depends in the last analysis upon the quality.of our career services.]] [[File:Iwo-Jima-3c.jpg|thumb|What really counts is not the immediate act of courage or of valor, but those who bear the struggle day in and day out — not the sunshine patriots but those who are willing to stand for a long period of time.]] [[File:THE HOPE OF ALL THE WORLD - NARA - 515613.jpg|thumb|The most effective means of upholding the law is not the State policeman or the marshals or the National Guard. It is you. It lies in your courage to accept those laws with which you disagree as well as those with which you agree.]] [[File:Seal of the District of Columbia.svg|thumb|There is such a difference between those who advise or speak or legislate, and between the man who must select from the various alternatives proposed and say that this shall be the policy of the United States. It is much easier to make the speeches than it is to finally make the judgments.]] [[File:Kennedy Center (46399777861).jpg|thumb|To further the appreciation of [[culture]] among all the [[people]], to increase [[respect]] for the [[creative]] [[individual]], to widen participation by all the processes and fulfillments of [[art]] — this is one of the fascinating [[challenges]] of these days.]] * '''The success of this Government, and thus the success of our Nation, depends in the last analysis upon the quality of our career services. The legislation enacted by the Congress, as well as the decisions made by me and by the department and agency heads, must all be implemented by the career men and women in the Federal service.''' In [[Foreign policy|foreign affairs]], national defense, [[science]] and [[technology]], and a host of other fields, they face problems of unprecedented [[importance]] and [[perplexity]]. '''We are all dependent on their sense of [[loyalty]] and responsibility as well as their [[competence]] and energy.'''" ** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Special Message to the Congress on Federal Pay Reform (55)" (20 February 1962)]<!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1962'' --> * We welcome the views of others. We seek a free flow of information across national boundaries and oceans, across iron curtains and stone walls. We are not afraid to entrust the American people with unpleasant facts, foreign ideas, alien [[Philosophy|philosophies]], and competitive values. For '''a nation that is afraid to let its people judge the truth and falsehood in an open market is a nation that is afraid of its people.''' ** [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/index.php?pid=9075&st=&st1= John F. Kennedy: "Remarks on the 20th Anniversary of the Voice of America" (26 February 1962)]<!-- Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley, The American Presidency Project --> * For '''one true measure of a nation is its success in fulfilling the promise of a better life for each of its members.''' Let this be the measure of our nation. ** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx Special message to the Congress on National Health Needs (65)" (27 February 1962)]<!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1962'' --> * '''Our deep spiritual confidence that this nation will survive the perils of today''' — which may well be with us for decades to come — '''compels us to invest in our nation's future, to consider and meet our obligations to our children and the numberless generations that will follow.''' ** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Special message to the Congress on Conservation (69)" (1 March 1962)]<!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1962'' --> * ...'''what really counts is not the immediate act of courage or of valor, but those who bear the struggle day in and day out — not the sunshine patriots but those who are willing to stand for a long period of time.''' ** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Remarks at the White House to Members of the American Legion (70)" (1 March 1962)]<!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1962'' --> * ...'''there is always inequity in life. Some men are killed in a war and some men are wounded, and some men never leave the country,''' and some men are stationed in the [[w:Antarctica|Antarctic]] and some are stationed in [[San Francisco]]. It's very hard in the military or personal life to assure complete [[equality]]. '''Life is unfair.''' ** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "President's News Conference (107)" (21 March 1962)<!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1962'' --> * '''And Prince [[Otto von Bismarck|Bismarck]] was even more specific. One third, he said, of the students of German universities broke down from overwork, another third broked down from dissipation, and the other third ruled Germany.''' ** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Address in Berkeley at the University of California (109)" (23 March 1962)]<!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1962'' --> * The [[w:Special Forces (United States Army)|green beret]]' is again becoming a symbol of excellence, a badge of courage, a mark of distinction in the fight for freedom. I know the [[United States Army]] will live up to its reputation for [[imagination]], resourcefulness, and spirit as we meet this challenge. ** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Letter to the United States Army" (11 April 1962)]; Box 5, President's Outgoing Executive Correspondence, White House Central Chronological Files, Papers of John F. Kennedy, John F. Kennedy Presidential Library * I think it is most appropriate that the President of the United States, whose business place is in Washington, should come to this city and participate in these rallies. Because '''the business of the Government is the business of the people''' — and the people are right here. ** Speech at [[w:Madison Square Garden (1925)|Madison Square Garden]] in [[w:New York City|New York City]] to support his program of "medical care for the aged." (20 May 1962)[http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/index.php?pid=8669][http://www.jfklibrary.org/Asset-Viewer/Archives/JFKPOF-038-023.aspx] * '''The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie — deliberate, contrived and dishonest — but the myth — persistent, persuasive, and unrealistic.''' Too often we hold fast to the cliches of our forebears. We subject all facts to a prefabricated set of interpretations. '''We enjoy the [[comfort]] of opinion without the discomfort of [[thought]].''' ** Commencement address, Yale University, New Haven, Connecticut (11 June 1962) [http://millercenter.org/scripps/archive/speeches/detail/3370] * '''Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.''' ** [[s:Address on the First Anniversary of the Alliance for Progress|Address on the First Anniversary of the Alliance for Progress at the White House]] (13 March 1962) * I think this is the most extraordinary collection of [[talent]], of human [[knowledge]], that has ever been gathered together at the White House, with the possible exception of when [[Thomas Jefferson]] dined alone. ** Address at a White House dinner honoring Nobel Prize winners (29 April 1962), quoted in [http://www.jfklibrary.org/white%20house%20diary/1962/April/29 ''The White House Diary'', at the JFK Library] * While '''geography has made us neighbors, tradition has made us friends. Economics has made us partners. And necessity has made us allies''' — in a vast Alianza para el Progreso. '''Those whom nature has so joined together, let no man put asunder.''' ** [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/index.php?pid=8741&st=&st1= Address by the President at a Luncheon Given in His Honor by President Lopez Matcos (29 June 1962)]<!-- Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley, The American Presidency Project --> * I have seen in many places housing which has been developed under government influences, but I have never seen any projects in which governments have played their part which have [[fountains]] and [[statues]] and [[grass]] and [[trees]], which are as important to the concept of the home as the roof itself." ** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx Remarks at the Unidad Independencia Housing Project, City of Mexico (269)" (30 June 1962)]<!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1962'' --> * '''It's only when they join together in a forward movement that this country moves ahead...''' ** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Remarks at Los Banos, CA at the Groundbreaking Ceremonies for the San Luis Dam (337)" (18 August 1962)]<!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1962'' --> * I really don't know why it is that all of us are so committed to the [[sea]], except I think it's because in addition to the fact that the sea changes, and the [[light]] changes, and [[ships]] change, it's because we all came from the sea. And it is an interesting [[Biology|biological]] fact that all of us have, in our veins the exact same percentage of [[salt]] in our [[blood]] that exists in the [[Oceans|ocean]], and, therefore, we have salt in our blood, in our sweat, in our tears. We are tied to the ocean. '''And when we go back to the sea — whether it is to sail or to watch it — we are going back from whence we came.'''" ** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Remarks in Newport at the Australian Ambassador's Dinner for the America's Cup Crews (383)" (14 September 1962)]<!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1962'' --> * All students, members of the faculty, and public officials in both Mississippi and the Nation will be able, it is hoped, to return to their normal activities with full confidence in the integrity of American law. This is as it should be, for '''our Nation is founded on the principle that observance of the law is the eternal safeguard of liberty and defiance of the law is the surest road to tyranny.''' The law which we obey includes the final rulings of the [[courts]], as well as the enactments of our [[Legislature|legislative]] bodies. Even among law-abiding men few laws are universally loved, but they are uniformly respected and not resisted. '''Americans are free''', in short, '''to disagree with the law but not to disobey it.''' For '''in a government of laws and not of men, no man, however prominent or powerful, and no mob however unruly or boisterous, is entitled to defy a court of law. If this country should ever reach the point where any man or group of men by force or threat of force could long defy the commands of our court and our Constitution, then no law would stand free from doubt, no judge would be sure of his writ, and no citizen would be safe from his neighbors.''' ** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Ready-Reference/JFK-Speeches/Radio-and-Television-Report-to-the-Nation-on-the-Situation-at-the-University-of-Mississippi.aspx Radio and Television Report to the Nation on the Situation at the University of Mississippi (30 September 1962)] * In 1945 a [[Mississippi]] sergeant, Jake Lindsey, was honored by an unusual joint session of the Congress. I close therefore, with this appeal to the students of the University, the people who are most concerned. You have a great tradition to uphold, a tradition of honor and courage won on the field of battle and on the gridiron as well as the University campus. You have a new opportunity to show that you are men of patriotism and integrity. For '''the most effective means of upholding the law is not the State policeman or the marshals or the [[w:United State National Guard|National Guard]]. It is you. It lies in your courage to accept those laws with which you disagree as well as those with which you agree.''' ** Radio and Television Report to the Nation on the Situation at the University of Mississippi (30 September 1962) * Bullfight critics row on row <br/> Fill the enormous Plaza de toros <br/> But only one is there who knows <br/> And he is the one who fights the bull. ** Slightly misquoting [[w:Domingo Ortega|Domingo Ortega]], as translated by the English poet [[Robert Graves]]), in remarks during a Presidential Backgrounder before the National Foreign Policy Conference for Editors and Radio-TV Public Affairs Broadcasters (16 October 1962)]; "Presidential Backgrounder 16 October 1962 #50," Box 134, Classified Background Briefing Material Series, Pierre Salinger Papers, John F. Kennedy Presidential Library ** The original poem: Bullfight critics ranked in rows<br/>Crowd the enormous Plaza full<br/>But only one is there who knows<br/>And he's the man who fights the bull. * '''I am certain that after the dust of centuries has passed over our cities, we, too, will be remembered not for victories or defeats in battle or in politics, but for our contribution to the human spirit.''' ** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Remarks at a Closed-circuit Television Broadcast on Behalf of the National Cultural Center (527)" (29 November 1962)]<!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1962'' --> * '''There is a limitation''', in other words, '''upon the power of the United States to bring about solutions.''' I think our people get awfully impatient and maybe fatigued and tired, and saying "We have been carrying this burden for 17 years; can we lay it down?" We can't lay it down, and I don't see how we are going to lay it down in this century. '''So that I would say that the problems are more difficult than I had imagined them to be. The responsibilities placed on the United States are greater than I imagined them to be, and there are greater limitations upon our ability to bring about a favorable result than I had imagined them to be. And I think that is probably true of anyone who becomes President, because there is such a difference between those who advise or speak or legislate, and between the man who must select from the various alternatives proposed and say that this shall be the policy of the United States. It is much easier to make the speeches than it is to finally make the judgments, because unfortunately your advisers are frequently divided. If you take the wrong course''', and on occasion I have, '''the President bears the burden of the responsibility quite rightly. The advisers may move on to new advice.''' ** [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/?pid=9060 John F. Kennedy: "Television and Radio Interview: "After Two Years — a Conversation With the President" (17 December 1962)]<!-- Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley, The American Presidency Project --> * To further the appreciation of culture among all the people, to increase respect for the creative individual, to widen participation by all the processes and fulfillments of art — this is one of the fascinating challenges of these days. ** "The Arts in America" in ''LOOK'' magazine (18 December 1962), p. 110; also published in [https://books.google.com/books?id=kbA3MUsJS-cC&pg=PA907&dq=%22this+is+one+of+the+fascinating+challenges+of+these+days%22&hl=en&newbks=1&newbks_redir=0&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjpuNK8s8eNAxVeSjABHVU7BjYQ6AF6BAgHEAM#v=onepage&q=%22this%20is%20one%20of%20the%20fascinating%20challenges%20of%20these%20days%22&f=false ''Public Papers of the Presidents of the United States: John F. Kennedy 1962'', p. 907], inscribed on the [[w:John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts|John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts, Washington, D.C.]], and quoted at the [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx JFK Library] * '''Too often in the past, we have thought of the artist as an idler and dilettante and of the lover of arts as somehow sissy and effete. We have done both an injustice. The life of the artist is, in relation to his work, stern and lonely. He has labored hard, often amid deprivation, to perfect his skill. He has turned aside from quick success in order to strip his vision of everything secondary or cheapening. His working life is marked by intense application and intense discipline.''' ** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "LOOK Magazine Article 'The Arts in America' (552)" (18 December 1962)]<!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1962'' --> * '''The life of the arts, far from being an interruption, a distraction, in the life of a nation, is very close to the center of a nation's purpose...and is a test of the quality of a nation's civilization.''' ** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "LOOK Magazine Article 'The Arts in America' (552)" (18 December 1962)]<!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1962'' -->; also inscribed at the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts, Washington, D.C. ==== Second State of the Union Address ==== :<small>[[s:John F. Kennedy's Second State of the Union Address|Second State of the Union Address]] (11 January 1962)</small> * Members of the Congress, '''the Constitution makes us not rivals for power but partners for progress. We are all trustees for the American people, custodians of the American heritage.''' It is my task to report the State of '''the Union — to improve it is the task of us all.''' * '''The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining''' — by filling three basic gaps in our anti-recession protection. * World order will be secured only when the whole world has laid down these weapons which seem to offer us present security but threaten the future survival of the human race. That armistice day seems very far away. The vast resources of this planet are being devoted more and more to the means of destroying, instead of enriching, human life. <br> But '''the world was not meant to be a prison in which man awaits his execution.''' Nor has mankind survived the tests and trials of thousands of years to surrender everything — including its existence — now. This Nation has the will and the faith to make a supreme effort to break the log jam on [[disarmament]] and nuclear tests — and we will persist until we prevail, until the rule of law has replaced the ever dangerous use of force. * These various elements in our [[Foreign policy of the United States|foreign policy]] lead, as I have said, to a single goal — the goal of a peaceful world of free and independent states. This is our guide for the present and our vision for the future — a free community of nations, independent but interdependent, uniting north and south, east and west, in one great family of man, outgrowing and transcending the hates and fears that rend our age. </br> We will not reach that goal today, or tomorrow. We may not reach it in our own lifetime. But the quest is the greatest adventure of our century. '''We sometimes chafe at the burden of our obligations, the complexity of our decisions, the agony of our choices. But there is no comfort or security for us in evasion, no solution in abdication, no relief in irresponsibility.''' ==== Address at the University of California at Berkeley ==== :<small> Address at the University of California at Berkeley (March 23, 1962). Delivered at Memorial Stadium at the University of California in Berkeley, California. Source: Address at the University of California at Berkeley, March 23, 1962. Boston: John F. Kennedy Presidential Library & Museum. [https://web.archive.org/web/20240624192125/https://www.jfklibrary.org/archives/other-resources/john-f-kennedy-speeches/university-of-california-berkeley-19620323 Archived] [http://From from] [https://www.jfklibrary.org/archives/other-resources/john-f-kennedy-speeches/university-of-california-berkeley-19620323 the original] on June 24, 2024.</small> [[File:The University of California Berkeley 1868.svg|thumb|The purpose of education is not merely to advance the economic self-interest of its graduates. The people have supported their colleges and universities and their schools because they recognize how important it is to the maintenance of a free society that its citizens be well educated.]] [[File:John Kennedy, Nikita Khrushchev 1961.jpg|thumb|Experience has taught us that an agreement to negotiate does not always mean a negotiated agreement. ]] [[File:Berkeley glade afternoon.jpg|thumb|Knowledge, not hate, is the passkey to the future.]] [[File:Peace dove (3329620077).jpg|thumb|And cooperation in the pursuit of knowledge can hopefully lead to cooperation in the pursuit of peace.]] [[File:CampanileMtTamalpiasSunset-original.jpg|thumb|It is the profound tendencies of history and not the passing excitements that will shape our future.]] [[File:Wheeler Hall, University of California, Berkeley.jpg|thumb|Wisdom requires the long view.]] [[File:UCB Doe Memorial Library oblique view dllu.jpg|thumb|No one can doubt that cooperation in the pursuit of knowledge must lead to freedom of the mind and freedom of the soul.]] [[File:Berkeley T-rex - Flickr - Joe Parks.jpg|thumb|Every great age is marked by innovation and daring--by the ability to meet unprecedented problems with intelligent solutions. In a time of turbulence and change, it is more true than ever that knowledge is power; for only by true understanding and steadfast judgment are we able to master the challenge of history. If this is so, we must strive to acquire knowledge--and to apply it with wisdom.]] [[File:CalvaryCemeteryQueens edit.jpg|thumb|We must think and act not only for the moment but for our time.]] * This college, therefore, from its earliest beginnings, has recognized and its graduates have recognized, that '''the purpose of education is not merely to advance the economic self-interest of its graduates. The people''' of [[California]], as much if not more than the people of any other State, '''have supported their colleges and universities and their schools because they recognize how important it is to the maintenance of a free society that its citizens be well educated.''' "Every man" said Professor [[Woodrow Wilson]], "sent out from a university should be a man of his nation as well as a man of his time." And [[Otto von Bismarck|Prince Bismarck]] was even more specific. One third, he said, of the students of [[Germany|German]] [[universities]] broke down from overwork, another third, broke down from dissipation, and the other third ruled Germany. I do not know which third of students are here today, but I am confident that I am talking to the future leaders of this State and country who recognize their responsibilities to the public interest. * But history may well remember this as a week for an act of lesser immediate impact, and that is '''the decision by the United States and the Soviet Union to seek concrete agreements on the joint exploration of space. Experience has taught us that an agreement to negotiate does not always mean a negotiated agreement. But should such a joint effort be realized, its significance could well be tremendous for us all. In terms of space science, our combined knowledge and efforts can benefit the people of all the nations: joint weather satellites to provide more ample warnings against destructive storms--joint communications systems to draw the world more closely together--and cooperation in space medicine research and space tracking operations to speed the day when man will go to the moon and beyond. But the scientific gains from such a joint effort would offer, I believe, less realized returns than the gains for world peace. For a [[Russia–United States relations|cooperative Soviet-American effort]] in space science and exploration would emphasize the interests that must unite us, rather than those that always divide us. It offers us an area in which the stale and sterile dogmas of the cold war could be literally left a quarter of a million miles behind. And it would remind us on both sides that knowledge, not hate, is the passkey to the future--that knowledge transcends national antagonisms--that it speaks a universal language--that it is the possession not of a single class, or of a single nation or a single ideology, but of all mankind.''' * '''We may be proud as a nation of our record in scientific achievement--but at the same time we must be impressed by the interdependence of all knowledge. I am certain that every scholar and scientist here today would agree that his own work has benefited immeasurably from the work of the men and women in other countries.''' The prospect of a partnership with Soviet [[scientists]] in the exploration of space opens up exciting prospects of collaboration in other areas of learning. '''And cooperation in the pursuit of knowledge can hopefully lead to cooperation in the pursuit of peace.''' * Yet '''the pursuit of knowledge itself implies a world where men are free to follow out the logic of their own ideas. It implies a world where nations are free to solve their own problems and to realize their own ideals. It implies, in short, a world where collaboration emerges from the voluntary decisions of nations strong in their own independence and their own self-respect. It implies, I believe, the kind of world which is emerging before our eyes--the world produced by the revolution of national independence which has today, and has been since 1945, sweeping across the face of the world.''' * I sometimes think that we are too much impressed by the clamor of daily events. The newspaper headlines and the television screens give us a short view. They so flood us with the stop-press details of daily stories that we lose sight of one of the great movements of history. Yet '''it is the profound tendencies of history and not the passing excitements that will shape our future.''' * '''[[Wisdom]] requires the long view. And the long view shows us that the revolution of national independence is a fundamental fact of our era. This revolution will not be stopped. As new nations emerge from the oblivion of centuries, their first aspiration is to affirm their national identity. Their deepest hope is for a world where, within a framework of international cooperation, every country can solve its own problems according to its own traditions and ideals.''' * '''It is in the interests of the pursuit of knowledge--and it is in our own national interest--that this revolution of national independence succeed. For the Communists rest everything on the idea of a monolithic world--a world where all knowledge has a single pattern, all societies move toward a single model, and all problems and roads have a single solution and a single destination. The pursuit of knowledge, on the other hand, rests everything on the opposite idea--on the idea of a world based on diversity, self-determination, freedom. And that is the kind of world to which we Americans, as a nation, are committed by the principles upon which the great Republic was founded.''' * '''No one who examines the modern world can doubt that the great currents of history are carrying the world away from the monolithic idea towards the pluralistic idea--away from [[communism]] and towards national [[independence]] and [[freedom]]. No one can doubt that the wave of the [[future]] is not the conquest of the world by a single dogmatic creed but the liberation of the diverse energies of free nations and free men. No one can doubt that cooperation in the pursuit of [[knowledge]] must lead to freedom of the mind and freedom of the soul.''' * '''Beyond the drumfire of daily crisis''', therefore, '''there is arising the outlines of a robust and vital world community, founded on nations secure in their own independence, and united by their allegiance to world peace. It would be foolish to say that this world will be won tomorrow, or the day after. The processes of history are fitful and uncertain and aggravating. There will be frustrations and setbacks. There will be times of anxiety and gloom. The specter of [[w:Nuclear warfare|thermonuclear]] [[war]] will continue to hang over mankind; and we must heed the advice of [[Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.|Oliver Wendell Holmes]] of "freedom leaning on her spear" until all nations are wise enough to disarm safely and effectively. Yet we can have a new confidence today in the direction in which history is moving. Nothing is more stirring than the recognition of great public purpose. Every great age is marked by innovation and daring--by the ability to meet unprecedented problems with intelligent solutions. In a time of turbulence and change, it is more true than ever that knowledge is power; for only by true understanding and steadfast judgment are we able to master the challenge of history. If this is so, we must strive to acquire knowledge--and to apply it with wisdom. We must reject over-simplified theories of international life--the theory that American power is unlimited, or that the American mission is to remake the world in the American image. We must seize the vision of a free and diverse world--and shape our policies to speed progress toward a more flexible world order.''' * This is the unifying spirit of our policies in the world today. The purpose of our aid programs must be to help developing countries to move forward as rapidly as possible on the road to genuine national independence. Our military policies must assist nations to protect the processes of democratic reform and development against the forces of disruption and intervention. Our diplomatic policies must strengthen our relations with the whole world, with our several alliances and within the United Nations. * As we press forward on every front to realize a flexible world order, the role of the university becomes ever more important, both as a reservoir of ideas and as a repository of the long view of the shore dimly seen. '''"Knowledge is the great sun of the firmament" said [[Daniel Webster|Senator Daniel Webster]]. "Life and power are scattered with all its beams." In its light we must think and act not only for the moment but for our time. I am reminded of the story of [[w:Hubert Lyautey|the great French Marshal Lyautey]], who once asked his gardener to plant a tree. The gardener objected that the tree was slow-growing and would not reach maturity for a hundred years. The Marshal replied, "In that case, there is no time to lose, plant it this afternoon." Today a world of knowledge--a world of cooperation--a just and lasting peace--may be years away. But we have no time to lose. Let us plant our trees this afternoon.''' ==== Address at Independence Hall ==== :<small> [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Asset-Viewer/RrjaDhW5B0OYm2zaJbyPgg.aspx Address at Independence Hall by John F. Kennedy in Independence Square at [[w:Independence Hall|Independence Hall]] in Philadelphia] (4 July 1962). In his speech President Kennedy praises the American democratic system which encourages differences and allows for dissent, discusses the enduring relevance of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, and addresses the role of the United States in relation to the emerging [[w:European Communities|European Community]].</small> [[File:EXCOMM_meeting,_Cuban_Missile_Crisis,_29_October_1962.jpg|thumb|Our responsibility is one of decision — for to govern is to choose.]] [[File:Scene_at_the_Signing_of_the_Constitution_of_the_United_States.jpg|thumb|As apt and applicable as the [[United States Declaration of Independence|Declaration of Independence]] is today, we would do well to honor that other historic document drafted in this hall — the [[Constitution of the United States]]. For it stressed not independence but interdependence — not the individual liberty of one but the indivisible liberty of all.]] * The necessity for comity between the National Government and the several States is an indelible lesson of our long history. Because our system is designed to encourage both differences and dissent, because its checks and balances are designed to preserve the rights of the individual and the locality against preeminent central authority, you and I, Governors, recognize how dependent we both are, one upon the other, for the successful operation of our unique and happy form of government. Our system and our freedom permit the legislative to be pitted against the executive, the State against the Federal Government, the city against the countryside, party against party, interest against interest, all in competition or in contention one with another. Our task — your task in the State House and my task in [[w:The White House|the White House]] — is to weave from all these tangled threads a fabric of law and progress. We are not permitted the luxury of irresolution. Others may confine themselves to debate, discussion, and that ultimate luxury — free advice. '''Our responsibility is one of decision — for to govern is to choose.''' * The theory of independence is as old as man himself, and it was not invented in this hall. But it was in this hall that the theory became a practice; that the word went out to all, in [[Thomas Jefferson]]'s phrase, that "the God who gave us life, gave us liberty at the same time." And today this Nation — conceived in revolution, nurtured in liberty, maturing in independence — has no intention of abdicating its leadership in that worldwide movement for independence to any nation or society committed to systematic human oppression. * '''As apt and applicable as the [[United States Declaration of Independence|Declaration of Independence]] is today, we would do well to honor that other historic document drafted in this hall — the [[Constitution of the United States]]. For it stressed not independence but interdependence — not the individual liberty of one but the indivisible liberty of all.''' * A great new edifice is not built overnight. It was 11 years from the [[United States Declaration of Independence|Declaration of Independence]] to the [[Constitutional Convention (United States)|writing of the Constitution]]. The construction of workable [[Federal government of the United States|federal institutions]] required still another generation. The greatest works of our Nation's founders lay not in documents and in declarations, but in creative, determined action. The building of the new house of [[Europe]] has followed the same practical, purposeful course. Building the [[w:Atlantic Alliance|Atlantic partnership]] now will not be easily or cheaply finished. * In most of the old colonial world, the struggle for independence is coming to an end. Even in areas behind the [[w:Iron Curtain|Curtain]], that which Jefferson called "the disease of liberty" still appears to be infectious. With the passing of ancient [[Empire|empires]], today less than 2 percent of the world's population lives in territories officially termed "dependent." As this effort for independence, inspired by the [[United States Declaration of Independence|American Declaration of Independence]], now approaches a successful close, a great new effort — for interdependence — is transforming the world about us. And the spirit of that new effort is the same spirit which gave birth to the American Constitution. That spirit is today most clearly seen across the [[Atlantic Ocean]]. The nations of [[Western Europe]], long divided by feuds far more bitter than any which existed among the [[w:Thirteen Colonies|13 colonies]], are today joining together, seeking, as our forefathers sought, to find freedom in diversity and in unity, strength. * '''Acting on our own, by ourselves, we cannot establish justice throughout the world; we cannot insure its domestic tranquility, or provide for its common defense, or promote its general welfare, or secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity. But joined with other free nations, we can do all this and more. We can assist the developing nations to throw off the yoke of poverty. We can balance our worldwide trade and payments at the highest possible level of growth. We can mount a deterrent powerful enough to deter any aggression. And ultimately we can help to achieve a world of law and free choice, banishing the world of war and coercion.''' * '''On this fourth day of July, 1962, we''' who are gathered at this same hall, entrusted with the fate and future of our States and Nation, '''declare''' now '''our vow to do our part to lift the weights from the shoulders of all, to join other men and nations in preserving both peace and freedom, and to regard any threat to the peace or freedom of one as a threat to the peace and freedom of all.''' ==== Rice University speech ==== [[file:JFK inspects Mercury capsule, 23 February 1962.jpg|thumb|The exploration of space will go ahead, whether we join in it or not, and it is one of the great adventures of all time, and no nation which expects to be the leader of other nations can expect to stay behind in this race for space.]] [[file:Skylab and Earth Limb - GPN-2000-001055.jpg|thumb|We have vowed that we shall not see space filled with weapons of mass destruction, but with instruments of knowledge and understanding.]] [[file:Apollo-Soyuz Test Project Commemorative Plaque.jpg|thumb|There is no strife, no prejudice, no national conflict in outer space as yet. Its conquest deserves the best of all mankind, and its opportunity for peaceful cooperation may never come again.]] [[file:Titan II launch.jpg|thumb|The greater our knowledge increases, the greater our ignorance unfolds.]] :<small> [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Asset-Viewer/Archives/JFKWHA-127-002.aspx Address at Rice University on the Nation's Space Effort, Houston, TX] (12 September 1962); addresses the necessity for the United States to become an international leader in space exploration and famously states, "We choose to go to the Moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard." · [https://www.historyplace.com/speeches/jfk-space.htm Transcript and audio at The History Place]</small> *'''We meet in an hour of [[change]] and [[challenge]], in a decade of [[hope]] and [[fear]], in an age of both [[knowledge]] and [[ignorance]]. The greater our knowledge increases, the greater our ignorance unfolds.''' * No man can fully grasp how far and how fast we have come, but condense, if you will, the 50 thousand years of man's recorded history in a time span of but a half-century. Stated in these terms, we know very little about the first 40 years, except at the end of them advanced man had learned to use the skins of [[animals]] to cover them. Then about 10 years ago, under this standard, man emerged from his caves to construct other kinds of shelter. Only five years ago man learned to [[Writing|write]] and use a cart with wheels. [[Christianity]] began less than two years ago. The [[w:Printing press|printing press]] came this year, and then less than two months ago, during this whole 50-year span of human history, the [[steam engine]] provided a new source of power. [[Isaac Newton|Newton]] explored the meaning of gravity. Last month [[Electricity|electric]] lights and telephones and [[automobiles]] and airplanes became available. Only last week did we [[w:History of penicillin|develop penicillin]] and [[w:History of television|television]] and [[w:Chicago Pile-1|nuclear power]], and now if [[w:Mariner_2|America's new spacecraft]] succeeds in reaching [[Venus]], we will have literally reached the [[stars]] before midnight tonight. </br> This is a breathtaking pace, and such a pace cannot help but create new ills as it dispels old, new ignorance, new problems, new dangers. Surely '''the opening vistas of space promise high costs and hardships, as well as high reward.''' </br> So it is not surprising that some would have us stay where we are a little longer to rest, to wait. But this city of [[Houston]], this state of [[Texas]], this country of '''the United States was not built by those who waited and rested and wished to look behind them. This country was conquered by those who moved forward — and so will space.''' * If this capsule history of our progress teaches us anything, it is that '''man, in his quest for knowledge and progress, is determined and cannot be deterred. The exploration of space will go ahead, whether we join in it or not, and it is one of the great adventures of all time, and no nation which expects to be the leader of other nations can expect to stay behind in this race for space.''' * Those who came before us made certain that this country rode the first waves of the [[Industrial Revolution|industrial revolution]], the first waves of modern invention, and the first wave of [[Nuclear power|nuclear power]], and '''this generation does not intend to founder in the backwash of the coming age of space. We mean to be a part of it — we mean to lead it. For the eyes of the world now look into space, to the [[moon]] and to the [[Planet|planets]] beyond, and we have vowed that we shall not see it governed by a hostile flag of conquest, but by a banner of freedom and peace. We have vowed that we shall not see space filled with [[w:Weapons of mass destruction|weapons of mass destruction]], but with instruments of [[knowledge]] and [[understanding]].''' * '''Yet the vows of this Nation can only be fulfilled if we in this Nation are first, and, therefore, we intend to be first. In short, our leadership in science and industry, our hopes for peace and security, our obligations to ourselves as well as others, all require us to make this effort, to solve these mysteries, to solve them for the good of all men, and to become the world's leading space-faring nation.''' * '''We set sail on this new sea because there is new knowledge to be gained, and new rights to be won, and they must be won and used for the progress of all people. For space science, like [[w:Nuclear physics|nuclear science]] and all technology, has no conscience of its own. Whether it will become a force for good or ill depends on man, and only if the United States occupies a position of pre-eminence can we help decide whether this new ocean will be a sea of peace or a new terrifying theater of war.''' I do not say that we should or will go unprotected against the hostile misuse of space any more than we go unprotected against the hostile use of land or sea, but I do say that space can be explored and mastered without feeding the fires of war, without repeating the mistakes that man has made in extending his writ around this globe of ours. * '''There is no strife, no prejudice, no national conflict in outer space as yet. Its hazards are hostile to us all.''' Its conquest deserves the best of all mankind, and its opportunity for peaceful cooperation many never come again. *'''We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard, because that goal will serve to organize and measure the best of our energies and skills, because that challenge is one that we are willing to accept, one we are unwilling to postpone, and one which we intend to win, and the others, too.''' * We have had our failures, but so have others, even if they do not admit them. And they may be less public. * '''The growth of our science and education will be enriched by new knowledge of our universe and environment, by new techniques of learning and mapping and observation, by new tools and computers for industry, medicine, the home as well as the school. Technical institutions''', such as Rice, '''will reap the harvest of these gains.''' And finally, the space effort itself, while still in its infancy, has already created a great number of new companies, and tens of thousands of new jobs. '''Space and related industries are generating new demands in [[investment]] and skilled personnel''', and this city and this state, and this region, will share greatly in this growth. * Many years ago the great [[United Kingdom|British]] explorer [[George Mallory]], who was to die on [[Mount Everest]], was asked why did he want to climb it. He said, "Because it is there." '''Well, space is there, and we're going to climb it, and the moon and the planets are there, and new hopes for knowledge and peace are there. And, therefore, as we set sail we ask God's blessing on the most hazardous and dangerous and greatest adventure on which man has ever embarked.''' ==== [[w:Cuban Missile Crisis|Cuban Missile Crisis]] speech ==== [[File:October 23, 1962- President Kennedy signs Proclamation 3504, authorizing the naval quarantine of Cuba.jpg|thumb|Our goal is not victory of might but the vindication of right — not peace at the expense of freedom, but both peace and freedom, here in this hemisphere and, we hope, around the world.]] :<small> [http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/amex/presidents/35_kennedy/psources/ps_armsbild.html Radio and television address] about the Cuban missile crisis (22 October 1962). This reports on the establishment of offensive missile sites presumably intended to launch a nuclear offensive against Western nations. The President characterizes the transformation of Cuba into an important strategic base as an explicit threat to American security, and explains seven components to his proposed course of action: quarantine all offensive military equipment under shipment to Cuba, increase the degree of surveillance, regard a possible attack launched from Cuba as a Soviet attack, reinforce the Guantanamo Bay Naval Base, call for a meeting of the Organ of Consultation, call for an emergency meeting of the United Nations Security Council, and demand that Premier [[Nikita Khrushchev]] cease his current course of action.</small> * Neither the United States of America nor the world community of nations can tolerate deliberate deception and offensive threats on the part of any nation, large or small. We no longer live in a world where only the actual firing of weapons represents a sufficient challenge to a nation's security to constitute maximum peril. Nuclear weapons are so destructive and ballistic missiles are so swift, that any substantially increased possibility of their use or any sudden change in their deployment may well be regarded as a definite threat to peace. * We will not prematurely or unnecessarily risk the costs of '''a worldwide nuclear war in which even the fruits of victory would be ashes in our mouth''' — but neither shall we shrink from that risk any time it must be faced. * The [[w:1930s|1930's]] taught us a clear lesson: '''[[War of aggression|aggressive]] conduct, if allowed to go unchecked and unchallenged ultimately leads to war.''' * '''It shall be the policy of this Nation to regard any nuclear missile launched from Cuba against any nation in the Western Hemisphere as an attack by the Soviet Union on the United States, requiring a full retaliatory response upon the Soviet Union.''' * '''We have no wish to war with the Soviet Union--for we are a peaceful people who desire to live in peace with all other peoples.''' * My fellow citizens: let no one doubt that this is a difficult and dangerous effort on which we have set out. No one can see precisely what course it will take or what costs or casualties will be incurred. '''Many months of sacrifice and self-discipline lie ahead--months in which our patience and our will will be tested--months in which many threats and denunciations will keep us aware of our dangers. But the greatest danger of all would be to do nothing.''' * The path we have chosen for the present is full of hazards, as all paths are; but it is one of the most consistent with our character and our courage as a nation and our commitments around the world. The cost of freedom is always high — but Americans have always paid it. And one path we shall never choose, and this is the path of surrender or submission. '''Our goal is not victory of might but the vindication of right — not peace at the expense of freedom, but both peace and freedom, here in this hemisphere and, we hope, around the world.''' God willing, that goal will be achieved. Thank you, and good night. ==== First letter to Nikita Khrushchev ==== :<small>[http://www.digitalhistory.uh.edu/disp_textbook.cfm?smtID=3&psid=3637transcript JFK points out that the U.S. is pursuing a "minimum response" but will do whatever is necessary to assure its security.(22 October 1962)]</small> * A copy of the statement I am making tonight concerning developments in Cuba and the reaction of my Government thereto has been handed to your Ambassador in Washington. In view of the gravity of the developments to which I refer, I want you to know immediately and accurately the position of my Government in this matter. * In our discussions and exchanges on Berlin and other international questions, the one thing that has most concerned me has been the possibility that your Government would not correctly understand the will and determination of the United States in any given situation, since I have not assumed that you or any other sane man would, in this nuclear age, deliberately plunge the world into war which it is crystal clear no country could win and which could only result in catastrophic consequences to the whole world, including the aggressor. * At our meeting in [[Vienna]] and subsequently, I expressed our readiness and desire to find, through peaceful negotiation, a solution to any and all problems that divide us. At the same time. I made clear that in view of the objectives of the ideology to which you adhere, the United States could not tolerate any action on your part which in a major way disturbed the existing over-all balance of power in the world. I stated that an attempt to force abandonment of our responsibilities and commitments in Berlin would constitute such an action and that the United States would resist with all the power at its command. * It was in order to avoid any incorrect assessment on the part of your Government with respect to Cuba that I publicly stated that if certain developments in Cuba took place, the United States would do whatever must be done to protect its own security and that of its allies. * Moreover, the Congress adopted a resolution expressing its support of this declared policy. Despite this, the rapid development of long-range missile bases and other offensive weapons systems in Cuba has proceeded. I must tell you that the United States is determined that this threat to the security of this hemisphere be removed. At the same time, I wish to point out that the action we are taking is the minimum necessary to remove the threat to the security of the nations of this hemisphere. The fact of this minimum response should not be taken as a basis, however, for any misjudgment on your part. * I hope that your Government will refrain from any action which would widen or deepen this already grave crisis and that we can agree to resume the path of peaceful negotiation. ==== Second Letter to Nikita Khrushchev ==== :<small>[http://www.digitalhistory.uh.edu/disp_textbook.cfm?smtID=3&psid=3637transcript This is a response from Kennedy to Nikita Khrushchev reassuring the Soviets that the U.S. would not invade Cuba. President Kennedy responded to the requests of Khrushchev's first letter to him, disregarding the second letter. Upon agreement of these letters, the Missile Crisis was over (27 October 1962)]</small> * I have read your letter of October 26th with great care and welcomed the statement of your desire to seek a prompt solution to the problem. The first thing that needs to be done, however, is for work to cease on offensive missile bases on Cuba and for all weapons systems in Cuba capable of offensive use to be rendered inoperable, under effective United Nations arrangements. * Assuming this is done promptly, I have given my representatives in New York instructions that will permit them to work out this weekend — in cooperation with the [[U Thant|Acting Secretary General]] and your representative — an arrangement for a permanent solution to the Cuban problem along the lines suggested in your letter of October 26th. As I read your letter, the key elements of your proposals — which seem generally acceptable as I understand them — are as follows: * 1) You would agree to remove these weapons systems from Cuba under appropriate United Nations observation and supervision; and undertake, with suitable safeguards, to halt the further introduction of such weapons systems into Cuba. * 2) We, on our part, would agree — upon the establishment of adequate arrangements through the United Nations to ensure the carrying out and continuation of these commitments — (a) to remove promptly the quarantine measures now in effect and (b) to give assurances against an invasion of Cuba. I am confident that other nations of the Western Hemisphere would be prepared to do likewise. * If you will give your representative similar instructions, there is no reason why we should not be able to complete these arrangements and announce them to the world within a couple of days. The effect of such a settlement on easing world tensions would enable us to work toward a more general arrangement regarding "other armaments," as proposed in your second letter which you made public. I would like to say again that the United States is very much interested in reducing tensions and halting the arms race; and if your letter signifies that you are prepared to discuss a detente affecting [[NATO]] and the [[w:Warsaw Pact|Warsaw Pact, we are q]]<nowiki/>uite prepared to consider with our allies any useful proposals. * But the first ingredient, let me emphasize, is the cessation of work on missile sites on Cuba and measures to render such weapons inoperable, under effective international guarantees. The continuations of this threat, or prolonging of this discussion concerning Cuba by linking these problems to the broader questions of European and world security, would surely lead to the peace of the world. For this reason I hope we can quickly agree along the lines outlined in this letter of October 26th. ====Address and Question and Answer Period at the Economic Club of New York==== [[File:Flag from Behind the Eagle.jpg|thumb|Security will not be determined by military or diplomatic moves alone. It will be affected by the decisions of finance ministers as well as by the decisions of Secretaries of State and Secretaries of Defense; by the deployment of fiscal and monetary weapons as well as by military weapons; and above all by the strength of this Nation's economy as well as by the strength of our defenses.]] [[File:Stars and Stripes.jpg|thumb|When consumers purchase more goods, plants use more of their capacity, men are hired instead of laid off, investment increases and profits are high.]] [[File:Diagram of the Federal Government and American Union edit.jpg|thumb|The final and best means of strengthening demand among consumers and business is to reduce the burden on private income and the deterrents to private initiative which are imposed by our present tax system. [...] In short, to increase demand and lift the economy, the Federal Government's most useful role is not to rush into a program of excessive increases in public expenditures, but to expand the incentives and opportunities for private expenditures.]] [[File:U.S. Capitol Washington D.C..jpg|thumb|It is increasingly clear that no matter what party is in power, so long as our national security needs keep rising, an economy hampered by restrictive tax rates will never produce enough jobs or enough profits. [...] In short, it is a paradoxical truth that tax rates are too high today and tax revenues are too low and the soundest way to raise the revenues in the long run is to cut the rates now. [...] Only full employment can balance the budget, and tax reduction can pave the way to that employment. The purpose of cutting taxes now is not to incur a budget deficit, but to achieve the more prosperous, expanding economy which can bring a budget surplus.]] [[File:Apollo 11 launch.jpg|thumb|We cannot afford to do nothing. For on the strength of our free economy rests the hope of all free nations. We shall not fail that hope, for free men and free nations must prosper and they must prevail.]] [[File:"Take the next car!" LCCN2012645454.jpg|thumb|When I was a Congressman I never realized how important Congress was, but now I do.]] [[File:- panoramio - Matt Pearson.jpg|thumb|I am reminded of Mr. [[Robert Frost]]'s motto about not taking down a fence until you know why it is put up, and this is a method by which the United States maintains a position of influence and control around the world.]] :<small> The President spoke at the Waldorf-Astoria Hotel in New York City on December 14, 1962. Source: [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/address-and-question-and-answer-period-the-economic-club-new-york John F. Kennedy, Address and Question and Answer Period at the Economic Club of New York. Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley, The American Presidency Project.]</small> * Less than a month ago [[Cuban Missile Crisis|this Nation reminded the world that it possessed both the will and the weapons to meet any threat to the security of free men]]. The gains we have made will not be given up, and the course that we have pursued will not be abandoned. But in the long run, that '''security will not be determined by military or diplomatic moves alone. It will be affected by the decisions of finance ministers as well as by the decisions of Secretaries of State and Secretaries of Defense; by the deployment of fiscal and monetary weapons as well as by military weapons; and above all by the strength of this Nation's economy as well as by the strength of our defenses.''' * '''But a leading nation, a nation upon which all depend not only in this country but around the world, cannot afford to be satisfied, to look back or to pause. On our strength and growth depend the strength of others, the spread of [[Free trade|free world trade]] and unity, and continued confidence in our leadership and [[Dollar|our currency]].''' The underdeveloped countries are dependent upon us for the sale of their primary commodities and for aid to their struggling economies. '''In short, a prosperous and growing America is important not only to Americans--it is''', as the spokesman for 20 Western nations in the [[w:OECD|Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development]], as he stressed this week, '''of vital importance to the entire Western World.''' * '''There is no need for us to be satisfied with a rate of growth that keeps good men out of work and good capacity out of use.''' * '''There are a number of ways by which the Federal Government can meet its responsibilities to aid economic growth. We can and must improve American education and technical training. We can and must expand civilian research and technology.''' One of the great bottlenecks for this country's [[economic growth]] in this decade will be the shortage of doctorates in [[mathematics]], [[engineering]], and [[physics]]; a serious shortage with a great demand and an under-supply of highly trained manpower. We can and must step up the development of our natural resources. '''But the most direct and significant kind of Federal action aiding economic growth is to make possible an increase in private consumption and investment demand--to cut the fetters which hold back private spending. In the past, this could be done in part by the increased use of credit and monetary tools, but our balance of payments situation today places limits on our use of those tools for expansion. It could also be done by increasing Federal expenditures more rapidly than necessary, but such a course would soon demoralize both the Government and our economy. If Government is to retain the confidence of the people, it must not spend more than can be justified on grounds of national need or spent with maximum efficiency.''' * '''The final and best means of strengthening demand among consumers and business is to reduce the burden on private income and the deterrents to private initiative which are imposed by our present [[Taxation in the United States|tax system]]'''; and this administration pledged itself last summer to an across-the-board, top-to-bottom cut in personal and corporate income taxes to be enacted and become effective in 1963. * I am talking about the accumulated evidence of the last 5 years that our present tax system, developed as it was, in good part, during [[World War II]] to restrain growth, exerts too heavy a drag on growth in peace time; that it siphons out of the private economy too large a share of personal and business purchasing power; that it reduces the financial incentives for personal effort, investment, and risk-taking. '''In short, to increase demand and lift the economy, the Federal Government's most useful role is not to rush into a program of excessive increases in public expenditures, but to expand the incentives and opportunities for private expenditures. [...] While rising demand will expand imports, new investment in more efficient productive facilities will aid exports and a new economic climate could both draw capital from abroad and keep capital here at home.''' * '''Too large a tax cut, of course, could result in [[inflation]] and insufficient future revenues--but the greatest danger is a tax cut too little or too late to be effective.''' * '''When [[Consumption (economics)|consumers]] purchase more goods, plants use more of their capacity, men are hired instead of laid off, [[investment]] increases and [[Profit|profits]] are high.''' * '''[[w:Corporate tax|Corporate tax]] rates must also be cut to increase incentives and the availability of investment capital.''' The Government has already taken major steps this year to reduce business tax liability and to stimulate the modernization, replacement, and expansion of our productive plant and equipment. [...] For all these reasons, next year's '''tax bill should reduce personal as well as corporate income taxes, for those in the lower brackets, who are certain to spend their additional take-home pay, and for those in the middle and upper brackets, who can thereby be encouraged to undertake additional efforts and enabled to invest more capital.''' * Third, '''the new tax bill should improve both the equity and the simplicity of our present tax system. This means the enactment of long-needed tax reforms, a broadening of the tax base and the elimination or modification of many special tax privileges. These steps are not only needed to recover lost revenue and thus make possible a larger cut in present rates; they are also tied directly to our goal of greater growth. For the present patchwork of special provisions and preferences lightens the tax load of some only at the cost of placing a heavier burden on others. It distorts economic judgments and channels an undue amount of energy into efforts to avoid tax liabilities. It makes certain types of less productive activity more profitable than other more valuable undertakings. All this inhibits our growth and efficiency, as well as considerably complicating the work of both the taxpayer and the [[IRS|Internal Revenue Service]]. These various exclusions and concessions have been justified in part as a means of overcoming oppressively high rates in the upper brackets--and a sharp reduction in those rates, accompanied by base-broadening, loophole-closing measures, would properly make the new rates not only lower but also more widely applicable. Surely this is more equitable on both counts.''' * I am confident that '''the enactment of the right bill''' next year '''will in due course increase our gross national product by several times the amount of taxes actually cut. Profit margins will be improved and both the incentive to invest and the supply of internal funds for investment will be increased. There will be new interest in taking risks, in increasing productivity, in creating new jobs and new products for long-term economic growth. Other national problems, moreover, will be aided by full employment. It will encourage the location of new plants in areas of labor surplus and provide new jobs for workers that we are retraining and facilitate the adjustment which will be necessary under our new trade expansion bill and reduce a number of government expenditures.''' * '''If the [[Economy of the United States|economy]] today were operating close to capacity levels with little [[unemployment]], or if a sudden change in our military requirements should cause a scramble for men and resources, then I would oppose tax reductions as irresponsible and inflationary; and I would not hesitate to recommend a tax increase, if that were necessary.''' But our resources and manpower are not being fully utilized; the general level of [[Price|prices]] has been remarkably stable; and increased [[competition]], both at home and abroad, along with increased productivity will help keep both prices and wages within appropriate limits. * When I announced in April of 1961 that this kind of comprehensive tax reform would follow the bill enacted this year, I had hoped to present it in an atmosphere of a balanced budget. But '''it has been necessary to augment sharply our nuclear and conventional forces, to step up our efforts in space, to meet the increased cost of servicing the [[national debt]] and meeting our obligations, established by law, to veterans. These expenditure increases, let me stress, constitute practically all of the increases which have occurred under this administration, the remainder having gone to fight the [[recession]] we found in [[industry]]--mostly through the supplemental employment bill-and in agriculture. We shall, therefore, neither postpone our tax cut plans nor cut into essential national security programs. This administration is determined to protect America's security and survival and we are also determined to step up its economic growth. I think we must do both.''' * '''Our true choice is not between tax reduction, on the one hand, and the avoidance of large Federal deficits on the other. It is increasingly clear that no matter what party is in power, so long as our national security needs keep rising, an economy hampered by restrictive tax rates will never produce enough revenue to balance our budget just as it will never produce enough jobs or enough profits.''' Surely the lesson of the last decade is that budget deficits are not caused by wild-eyed spenders but by slow economic growth and periodic [[Recession|recessions]], and any new recession would break all deficit records. In short, '''it is a paradoxical truth that tax rates are too high today and tax revenues are too low and the soundest way to raise the revenues in the long run is to cut the rates now.''' The experience of a number of [[Europe|European]] countries and [[Japan]] have borne this out. This country's own experience with tax reduction in 1954 has borne this out. '''And the reason is that only [[w:Full employment|full employment]] can balance the budget, and tax reduction can pave the way to that employment. The purpose of cutting taxes now is not to incur a budget deficit, but to achieve the more prosperous, expanding economy which can bring a budget surplus.''' * I repeat: '''our practical choice is not between a tax-cut deficit and a budgetary surplus. It is between two kinds of deficits: a chronic deficit of inertia, as the unwanted result of inadequate revenues and a restricted economy; or a temporary deficit of transition, resulting from a tax cut designed to boost the economy, increase tax revenues, and achieve'''--and I believe this can be done--'''a budget surplus. The first type of deficit is a sign of waste and weakness; the second reflects an investment in the future.''' * I do not underestimate the obstacles which the Congress will face in enacting such legislation. No one will be satisfied. Everyone will have his own approach, his own bill, his own reduction. '''A high order of restraint and determination will be required if the possible is not to wait on the perfect. But a nation capable of marshaling these qualities in any dramatic threat to its security is surely capable, as a great free society, of meeting a slower and more complex threat to our economic vitality. This Nation can afford to reduce taxes, we can afford a temporary deficit, but we cannot afford to do nothing. For on the strength of our free economy rests the hope of all free nations. We shall not fail that hope, for free men and free nations must prosper and they must prevail.''' * '''When I was a Congressman I never realized how important Congress was, but now I do.''' * Well, '''the purpose of reform really is directed to the encouraging of growth and employment.''' I quite agree that to launch into a full scale battle on general reform for academic reasons would be unwise. '''The central purpose behind the reform must therefore be to encourage those changes in our tax laws which will encourage economic growth for that purpose, and not merely because it might have some longer range interest or significance. The primary job will be to encourage the flow of capital into those areas which stimulate the national growth and not diminish it. But it is going to be a tough fight, because once you spell out''', as I said before, '''reform, it's bound to affect adversely the interests of some, while favoring the interests of others. Therefore reform may be a longer task, and we are anxious that in the effort to get reform, that we do not lose the very important matter of tax reduction for the sake of the economy.''' * So that as I tried to say in my speech, '''we are not faced with the question of balancing our budget, or having a tax reduction. I believe we are faced with the fact that we are going to have a deficit mostly because of the sharp rise in the recent years in space and defense, and to increase our taxes sufficient to bring that budget into balance would be defeating, because of course it would provide a heavy deflationary effect on our economy, and move us into a recession at an accelerated rate.''' * I want to point out that we have increased in conventional forces in the last 2 years the number of our divisions from 11 to 16, and we are also providing equipment for 22 divisions in case it were necessary to mobilize our Guard. We have six divisions in Europe, and we have the equipment for two more. Now, '''I think the Cuban incident indicated the importance of a strong conventional force. The greatest factor on our side was the fact that we had superior conventional strength on the scene, and it would have been necessary to equalize that strength for the Soviets to initiate the use of [[nuclear weapons]], which of course they were quite reluctant to do.''' * But I must say I am reminded of Mr. [[Robert Frost]]'s motto about '''not taking down a fence until you know why it is put up, and this is a method by which the United States maintains a position of influence and control around the world, and sustains a good many countries which would definitely collapse or pass into the Communist bloc.''' === 1963 === [[File:Inferno Canto 9 verses 124-126.jpg|thumb|[[Dante]] once said that the hottest places in hell are reserved for those who, in a period of moral crisis, maintain their neutrality.]] [[File:PSU Army ROTC Cadets on Ropes Course.JPG|thumb|A young man who does not have what it takes to perform military service is not likely to have what it takes to make a living. Today’s military rejects include tomorrow’s hard core unemployed.]] [[File:Archives of American Art - Children at a free Federal Art Project art class - 12043.jpg|thumb|Partnership is not a posture but a process-a continuous process that grows stronger each year as we devote ourselves to common tasks.]] [[File:Adam Bernaert - "Vanitas" Still Life - Walters 37682.jpg|thumb|We need not feel the bitterness of the past to discover its meaning for the present and the future.]] [[File:Kennedy children visit the Oval Office, October 1962.jpg|thumb|Children are the world's most valuable resource and its best hope for the future.]] [[File:Jfk2.jpg|thumb|As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words but to live by them.]] [[File:President Kennedy signing the 1961 Amendments into law, June 30, 1961.jpg|thumb|This is a great country and requires a good deal of all of us, so I can imagine nothing more important than for all of you to continue to work in public affairs and be interested in them, not only to bring up a family, but also give part of your time to your community, your state, and your country.]] [[File:Kennedy vonbraun 19may63 02.jpg|thumb|The problems of the world cannot possibly be solved by skeptics or cynics whose horizons are limited by the obvious realities. We need men who can dream of things that never were and ask "why not?".]] [[File:Kennedy with von Braun.jpg|thumb|This nation has tossed its cap over the wall of space, and we have no choice but to follow it.]] [[File:President Kennedy inaugural address (color).jpg|thumb|Unless in this free country of ours we are able to demonstrate that we are able to make this society work and progress, unless we can hope that from you we are going to get back all of the talents which society has helped develop in you, then, quite obviously, all the hopes of all of us that freedom will not only endure but prevail, of course, will be disappointed.]] * '''A man may die, nations may rise and fall, but an idea lives on. Ideas have endurance without death.''' ** Remarks Recorded for the Opening of a USIA Transmitter at Greenville, North Carolina (8 February 1963) [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Asset-Viewer/Archives/JFKWHA-161-010.aspx Audio at JFK Library (01:29 - 01:40)] · [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/?pid=9551 Text of speech at ''The American Presidency Project'']<!-- Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley --> * This increase in the life span and in the number of our senior citizens presents this Nation with increased opportunities: the opportunity to draw upon their skill and sagacity — and the opportunity to provide the respect and recognition they have earned. It is not enough for a great nation merely to have added new years to life — our objective must also be to add new life to those years. ** Special message to the Congress on the needs of the nation's senior citizens (21 February 1963); in ''Public Papers of the Presidents of the United States: John F. Kennedy, 1963'', p. 189 * With all of the history of war, and the human race's history unfortunately has been a good deal more war than peace, with nuclear weapons distributed all through the world, and available, and the strong reluctance of any people to accept defeat, I see the possibility in the 1970's of the President of the United States having to face a world in which 15 or 20 or 25 nations may have these weapons." * [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx The President's News Conference (107)" (21 March 1963)]<!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1963'' --> * "...'''we must think and act not only for the moment but for our time.''' I am reminded of the story of the great French Marshal Lyautey, who once asked his gardener to plant a tree. The gardener objected that the tree was slow-growing and would not reach maturity for a hundred years. The Marshal replied, 'In that case, there is no time to lose, plant it this afternoon.'" ** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Address in Berkeley at the University of California (109)" (23 March 1962)]<!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1963'' --> *The dangers in the proliferation of national nuclear weapons systems are so obvious that I am sure I need not repeat them here.<br>It is because of our preoccupation with this problem that my Government has sought to arrange with you for periodic visits to Dimona. When we spoke together in May 1961 '''you said that we might make whatever use we wished of the information resulting from the first visit of American scientists to Dimona and that you would agree to further visits''' by neutrals as well. I had assumed from Mrs. Meir's comment that there would be no problem between us on this.<br>'''We are concerned with the disturbing effects on world stability which would accompany the development of a nuclear weapons capability by [[Israel]].''' I cannot imagine that the [[Arabs]] would refrain from turning to the Soviet Union for assistance if Israel were to develop a nuclear weapons capability--with all the consequences this would hold. But the problem is much larger than its impact on the [[Middle East]]. Development of a nuclear weapons capability by Israel would almost certainly lead other larger countries, that have so far refrained from such development, to feel that they must follow suit.<br>I can well appreciate your concern for developments in the [[w:United_Arab_Republic|UAR]]. '''But I see no present or imminent nuclear threat to Israel from there.''' I am assured that our [[Espionage|intelligence]] on this question is good and that the [[Egypt|Egyptians]] do not presently have any installation comparable to Dimona, nor any facilities potentially capable of nuclear weapons production. But, of course, if you have information that would support a contrary conclusion, I should like to receive it from you through Ambassador Barbour. '''We have the capacity to check it.''' **[https://www.jpost.com/Opinion/Op-Ed-Contributors/When-Ben-Gurion-said-no-to-JFK 18 May] 1963 [https://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/kennedy-letter-to-ben-gurion-regarding-visit-to-dimona letter] to [[David Ben-Gurion]] the Prime Minister of Israel * I think when we talk about corporal punishment, and we have to think about our own children, and we are rather reluctant, it seems to me, to have other people administering punishment to our own children, because we are reluctant, it puts a special obligation on us to maintain order and to send children out from our homes who accept the idea of discipline. So I would not be for corporal punishment in the school, but I would be for very strong discipline at home so we don't place an unfair burden on our teachers. ** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Historical+Resources/Archives/Reference+Desk/Press+Conferences/003POF05Pressconference56_05221963.htm News Conference 56 (22 May 1963)] * "O God, thy sea is so great and my boat is so small." ** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Remarks in New York City at the Dedication of the East Coast Memorial to the Missing at Sea (203)" (23 May 1963)]<!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1963'' --> [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx Quoting an old Breton fishermen's prayer that Admiral Rickover had inscribed on plaques that he gave to newly commissioned submarine captains. Rickover presented President Kennedy with one of these plaques, which sat on his desk in the Oval Office.] * '''No country can possibly move ahead, no [[free society]] can possibly be sustained, unless it has an educated citizenry whose qualities of mind and heart permit it to take part in the complicated and increasingly sophisticated decisions that pour not only upon the President and upon the Congress, but upon all the citizens who exercise the ultimate power...Quite obviously, there is a higher purpose, and that is the hope that you will turn to the service of the State the scholarship, the education, the qualities which society has helped develop in you; that you will render on the community level, or on the state level, or on the national level, or render on the community level, or on the state level, or on the national level, or the international level a contribution to the maintenance of freedom and peace and the security of our country and those associated with it in a most critical time.''' ** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Commencement Address at San Diego State College (226)" (6 June 1963)]<!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1963'' --> * This Nation was founded by men of many nations and backgrounds. It was founded on the principle that all men are created equal, and that the rights of every man are diminished when the rights of one man are threatened. ** Radio and television report to the American people on civil rights (11 June 1963)]<!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1963'', p. 468 --> * '''[[Dante]] once said that the hottest places in hell are reserved for those who, in a period of moral crisis, maintain their [[neutrality]].''' ** At the signing of a charter establishing the German Peace Corps, Bonn, West Germany (24 June 1963); ** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx According to the John F. Kennedy Presidential Library & Museum] President Kennedy got his facts wrong. Dante never made this statement. The closest to what President Kennedy meant is in the Inferno where the souls in the ante-room of hell, who "lived without disgrace and without praise," and the coward angels, who did not rebel but did not resist the cohorts of Lucifer, are condemned to being whirled through the air by great winds while being stung by wasps and horseflies. Dante placed those who "non furon ribelli né fur fedeli" — were neither for nor against God, in a special region near the mouth of [[Hell]]; the lowest part of Hell, a lake of ice, was for traitors. [https://web.archive.org/web/20201213100425/https://www.jfklibrary.org/learn/about-jfk/life-of-john-f-kennedy/fast-facts-john-f-kennedy/john-f-kennedys-favorite-quotations-dantes-inferno According to the John F. Kennedy Presidential Library & Museum in the undated article "John F. Kennedy's Favorite Quotations: Dante's Inferno"] President Kennedy's quote was based upon an interpretation of Dante's ''Inferno''. As ''Robert Kennedy explained'' in 1964, "President Kennedy's favorite quote was really from Dante, 'The hottest places in [[Hell]] are reserved for those who in time of moral crisis preserve their neutrality.'" This supposed quotation is not actually in Dante's work, but is based upon a similar one. In the ''Inferno'', [[Dante]] and his guide [[Virgil]], on their way to Hell, pass by a group of dead souls outside the entrance to Hell. These individuals, when alive, remained neutral at a time of great moral decision. Virgil explains to Dante that these souls cannot enter either Heaven or Hell because they did not choose one side or another. They are therefore worse than the greatest sinners in Hell because they are repugnant to both God and Satan alike, and have been left to mourn their fate as insignificant beings neither hailed nor cursed in life or death, endlessly travailing below Heaven but outside of Hell. This scene occurs in the third canto of the ''Inferno''. [http://www.bartleby.com/73/1211.html According to Bartleby.com] Kennedy's remark may have been inspired by the passage from Dante Alighieri's [[The Divine Comedy|La Comedia Divina]] “Inferno,” canto 3, lines 35–42 (1972) passage as translated by Geoffrey L. Bickersteth: "by those disbodied wretches who were loth when living, to be either blamed or praised. [...] Fear to lose beauty caused the heavens to expel these caitiffs; nor, lest to the damned they theng ave cause to boast, receives them the deep hell." A more modern-sounding translation from the foregoing Dante's Inferno passage was translataed 1971 by Mark Musa thus: “They are mixed with that repulsive choir of angels … undecided in neutrality. Heaven, to keep its beauty, cast them out, but even Hell itself would not receive them for fear the wicked there might glory over them.” * There are those who regard this history of past strife and exile as better forgotten. But, to use the phrase of [[William Butler Yeats|Yeats]], let us not casually reduce "that great past to a trouble of fools." For '''we need not feel the bitterness of the past to discover its meaning for the present and the future.''' ** Speech to a joint session of the Dail and the Seanad, Dublin, Ireland (28 June 1963) * The world is even smaller today, though the enemy of [[John Boyle O'Reilly]] is no longer a hostile power. Indeed, '''across the gulfs and barriers that now divide us, we must remember that there are no permanent enemies. Hostility today is a fact, but it is not a ruling law. The supreme reality of our time is our indivisibility as children of God and our common vulnerability on this planet.''' ** Speech to a joint session of the Dail and the Seanad, Dublin, Ireland (28 June 1963) * '''The problems of the world cannot possibly be solved by skeptics or cynics whose horizons are limited by the obvious realities. We need men who can dream of things that never were and ask "why not?".''' ** Speech delivered to the Dail (Parliament of [[Republic of Ireland|Ireland]]) (28 June 1963) * The peace-keeping machinery of the [[w:United Nations|United Nations]] cannot work without the help of the smaller nations, nations whose forces threaten no one and whose forces can thus help create a world in which no nation is threatened. Great powers have their responsibilities and their burdens, but the smaller nations of the world must fulfill their obligations as well. ** Speech to a joint session of the Dail and the Seanad, Dublin, Ireland (28 June 1963) * Five score years ago the ground on which we here stand shuddered under the clash of arms and was consecrated for all time by the blood of American manhood. [[Abraham Lincoln]], [[Abraham Lincoln#The_Gettysburg_Address_.281863.29|in dedicating this great battlefield, has expressed, in words too eloquent for paraphrase or summary, why this sacrifice was necessary.]] Today, we meet not to add to his words nor to amend his sentiment but to recapture the feeling of awe that comes when contemplating a memorial to so many who placed their lives at hazard for right, as God gave them to see right. Among those who fought here were young men who but a short time before were pursuing truth in the peaceful halls of the then new [[University of Notre Dame]]. Since that time men of Notre Dame have proven, on a hundred battlefields, that the words, "For God, For Country, and For Notre Dame," are full of meaning. Let us pray that God may grant us the wisdom to find and to follow a path that will enable the men of Notre Dame and all of our young men to seek truth in the halls of study rather than on the field of battle." ** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Message from the President on the Occasion of Field Mass at Gettysburg, delivered by John S. Gleason, Jr." (29 June 1963)]; Box 10, President's Outgoing Executive Correspondence, White House Central Chronological Files, Papers of John F. Kennedy, John F. Kennedy Presidential Library * I must say that though other days may not be so bright, as we look toward the future, that the brightest days will continue to be those we spent with you here in Ireland. ** Speech at Eyre Square, Galway, Ireland (29 June 1963) * This is not the land of my birth, but it is the land for which I hold the greatest affection, and I certainly will come back in the springtime ** Speech at [[w:Limerick|Limerick]], [[w:Ireland|Ireland]] (29 June 1963) * Communism has sometimes succeeded as a scavenger, but never as a leader. It has never come to power in a country that was not disrupted by war or corruption, or both. ** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Asset-Viewer/Archives/JFKPOF-045-049.aspx Speech at] [[w:Allied Joint Force Command Naples|NATO Headquarters, Naples Italy]] (2 July 1963) * '''Children are the world's most valuable resource and its best hope for the future.''' ** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx Re: United States Committee for UNICEF (25 July 1963); Box 11, President's Outgoing Executive Correspondence Series, White House Central Chronological File, Presidential Papers, Papers of John F. Kennedy] *'''And any man who may be asked in this century what he did to make his life worth while, I think can respond with a good deal of pride and satisfaction: "I served in the [[United States Navy]]."''' ** Remarks at the U.S. Naval Academy (1 August 1963), ''Public Papers of the Presidents'' 321, p. 620 * I want to drink a cup of [[tea]] to all those Kennedys who went and all those Kennedys who stayed. ** While visiting his ancestral homestead in [[w:Wexford|Wexford]], as quoted in [http://news.bbc.co.uk/onthisday/hi/dates/stories/june/27/newsid_4461000/4461115.stm ''BBC News''] * '''This is a great country and requires a good deal of all of us, so I can imagine nothing more important than for all of you to continue to work in public affairs and be interested in them, not only to bring up a family, but also give part of your time to your community, your state, and your country.''' ** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Remarks to the Delegates of Girls Nation (322)" (2 August 1963)]<!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1963'' --> * As this State's income rises, so does the income of [[Michigan]]. As the income of Michigan rises, so does the income of the United States. '''''A rising tide lifts all the boats''''' and as [[Arkansas]] becomes more prosperous so does the United States and as this section declines so does the United States. So I regard this as an [[investment]] by the people of the United States in the United States. ** [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/index.php?pid=9455 Remarks in Heber Springs, Arkansas, at the Dedication of Greers Ferry Dam (3 October 1963)] ** Variant: '''Rising tide lifts all boats.''' *** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx Remarks in Pueblo, Colorado following Approval of the Frying Pan-Arkansas Project (336)" (17 August 1962)]<!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1962'' --> ** Earlier use: Well, because the Southern sector of the United States need economic growth – the South lost 3 million people in the last ten years by out-migration. On the other hand, you had great areas of great prosperity in the South. '''I believe that a rising tide lifts all the boats.''' If the economy of the United States is moving ahead, the economy of the South moves ahead. You are a great agricultural section in this [[North Carolina|State of North Carolina]]; you are also a great textile center. So are we in Massachusetts. When the economy is at a low level, marginal industries, of which textiles is almost one, particularly suffer. So if the economy of the country is moving ahead, with the resources, with more effective transportation, the South will move ahead, too. If the country is slowing down, then the South will slow down. So may I say that the fate of the North and the South and the east and the west are inextricably bound together. If one moves ahead, they all will move ahead. *** Question and Answer Session following a Speech at the Coliseum, Raleigh, North Carolina" (17 September 1960). See: Remarks of Senator John F. Kennedy, Coliseum, Raleigh, North Carolina, September 17, 1960. Source: John F. Kennedy Presidential Library and Museum. [https://archive.is/kfCvN Archived] from [https://www.jfklibrary.org/archives/other-resources/john-f-kennedy-speeches/raleigh-nc-19600917 the original] on October 23, 2024. * I can assure you that there is no career which you will adopt when you leave college that will bring you a more and greater sense of satisfaction and a greater feeling of participation in a great effort than will your work here or in your state or in your community...this generation of Americans — you here who will be in positions of responsibility for the rest of this century — will deal with the most difficult, sensitive, and dangerous problems that any society of people has ever dealt with at any age...The [[Greeks]] defined [[happiness]] as the full use of your powers along the lines of excellence, and I can imagine no place where you can use your powers more fully along lines more excellent in the [[1960s|1960's]] than to be in the service of the United States. ** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Remarks to Student Participants in the White House Seminar in Government (334)" (27 August 1963)]<!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1963'' --> * A tax cut means higher family income and higher business profits and a balanced federal budget.... As the national income grows, the federal government will ultimately end up with more [[Taxation|revenues]]. Prosperity is the real way to balance our budget. By lowering tax rates, by increasing jobs and income, we can expand tax revenues and finally bring our budget into balance. ** [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/?pid=9413 "Radio and Television Address to the Nation on the Test Ban Treaty and the Tax Reduction Bill" (18 September 1963)] * What we seek to advance, what we seek to develop in all of our colleges and universities, are educated men and women who can bear the burdens of responsible citizenship, who can make judgments about life as it is, and as it must be, and encourage the people to make those decisions which can bring not only prosperity and security, but happiness to the people of the United States and those who depend upon it. ** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Address at the University of North Dakota (379)" (25 September 1963)]<!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1963'' --> * I hope that all of you who are students here will recognize the great opportunity that lies before you in this decade, and in the decades to come, to be of service to our country. The Greeks once defined happiness as full use of your powers along lines of excellence, and I can assure you that there is no area of life where you will have an opportunity to use whatever powers you have, and to use them along more excellent lines, bringing ultimately, I think, happiness to you and those whom you serve." ** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Address at the University of Wyoming (381)" (25 September 1963)]<!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1963'' --> * I ask particularly that those of you who are now in school will prepare yourselves to bear the burden of leadership over the next 40 years here in the United States, and make sure that the United States — which I believe almost alone has maintained watch and ward for freedom — that the United States meet its responsibility. That is a wonderful challenge for us as a people. ** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Remarks at the Cheney Stadium in Tacoma, Washington (387)" (27 September 1963)]<!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1963'' --> * '''A young man who does not have what it takes to perform [[military service]] is not likely to have what it takes to make a living. Today’s military rejects include tomorrow’s hard core unemployed.''' ** [http://www.bartleby.com/73/1189.html President JOHN F. KENNEDY, statement on the need for training or rehabilitation of Selective Service rejectees" (30 September 1963)]<!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1963'', p. 753-->; also: [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/index.php?pid=9446&st=&st1= John F. Kennedy: "Statement by the President on the Need for Training or Rehabilitation of Selective Service Rejectees" (30 September 1963)]<!-- Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley, The American Presidency Project --> * '''Things don't just happen, they are made to happen.''' ** Speech given at the Arkansas State Fairground, Little Rock, United States of America (3 October 1963); quoted in ''John F. Kennedy in Quotations: A Topical Dictionary, with Sources'' (2013), McFarland, entry 1729<!-- <small>{{ISBN|1586486381}}</small> --> * We can say with some assurance that, although children may be the victims of fate, they will not be the victims of our neglect. ** "Remarks upon signing the Maternal and Child Health and Mental Retardation Planning Bill (434)" (24 October 1963)]<!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1963'' --> * '''A nation reveals itself not only by the men it produces but also by the men it honors, the men it remembers.''' ** [http://millercenter.org/president/speeches/speech-3379 Remarks at Amherst College (26 October 1963)] * The men who create power make an indispensable contribution to the Nation's greatness, but the men who question power make a contribution just as indispensable, especially when that questioning is disinterested, for they determine whether we use power or power uses us. ** Remarks at {{w|Amherst College}} (26 October 1963) * '''When power leads man towards [[arrogance]], [[poetry]] reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses. For art establishes the basic human truth which must serve as the touchstone of our [[judgment]].''' ** Remarks at Amherst College (26 October 1963) * The artist, however faithful to his personal vision of reality, becomes the last champion of the individual mind and sensibility against an intrusive society and an officious state. The great artist is thus a solitary figure. ** Remarks at Amherst College (26 October 1963) * '''We must never forget that art is not a form of [[propaganda]]; it is a form of truth.''' ** Remarks at Amherst College (26 October 1963) * '''I have said that control of arms is a mission that we undertake particularly for our children and our grandchildren and that they have no lobby in Washington.''' ** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Statement by the President to American Women Concerning their Role in Securing World Peace (449)" (1 November 1963)]<!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1963'' --> * The name of [[Mustafa Kemal Atatürk|Atatürk]] brings to mind the historic accomplishments of one of the great men of this century, his inspired leadership of the [[Turks|Turkish people]], his perceptive understanding of the modern world and his boldness as a military leader. ** Speaking in Washington D.C. (10 November 1963), [http://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?title=File%3AJFKennedy_November1963.ogg on the 25th commemoration of Atatürk's death.] It was his speech to the Turkish people on the occasion of 25th anniversary of the death of [[Mustafa Kemal Atatürk]] and the 40th anniversary of the [[Turkey|Turkish Republic]] [http://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?title=File%3AJFKennedy_November1963.ogg in November 1963.] * The margin is narrow, but the responsibility is clear. ** [[John F. Kennedy]], press conference (November 10, 1963). Transcript, ''The New York Times'' (November 11, 1963), p. 20. In Theodore Sorensen's ''Kennedy'' (1965), these words are followed by "There may be difficulties with the Congress, but a margin of only one vote would still be a mandate" (p. 219). * '''This nation has tossed its cap over the wall of space, and we have no choice but to follow it.''' ** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Remarks in San Antonio at the Dedication of the Aerospace Medical Health Center (472)," (21 November 1963)]<!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1963'' -->; the original anecdote from which Kennedy derived this comparison is in ''An Only Child'' (1961) by Frank O'Connor, p. 180<!-- London: MacMillan & Co. Ltd. -->. * Much [[time]] has passed since [[European colonization of the Americas|the first colonists came to rocky shores]] and dark [[forests]] of [[North America|an unknown continent]], much time since [[President of the United States|President]] [[George Washington|Washington]] led a young people into the [[experience]] of nationhood, much time since President [[Abraham Lincoln|Lincoln]] saw the American nation through the ordeal of [[American Civil War|fraternal war]] — and in these years our population, our plenty and our [[power]] have all grown apace. Today we are a nation of nearly two hundred million souls, stretching from coast to coast, on into the [[Pacific Ocean|Pacific]] and north toward the [[Arctic]], a nation enjoying the fruits of an ever-expanding agriculture and [[industry]] and achieving standards of living unknown in previous history. We give our humble thanks for this. <br /> Yet, as our power has grown, so has our [[peril]]. Today we give our thanks, most of all, for the [[ideals]] of [[honor]] and [[faith]] we inherit from our forefathers — for the [[decency]] of [[purpose]], steadfastness of [[resolve]] and [[strength]] of [[will]], for the [[courage]] and the [[humility]], which they possessed and which we must seek every day to emulate. '''As we express our [[gratitude]], we must never forget that the highest [[appreciation]] is not to utter [[words]] but to [[live]] by them. <br /> Let us therefore proclaim our gratitude to [[Providence]] for manifold [[blessings]] — let us be humbly thankful for inherited ideals — and let us [[resolve]] to [[share]] those blessings and those ideals with our fellow [[human]] beings throughout the [[world]].''' ** [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/proclamation-3560-thanksgiving-day-1963 Proclamation 3560 — Thanksgiving Day (5 November 1963)]<!-- Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley, The American Presidency Project -->; this was a proclamation released on 5 November for the Thanksgiving Day of 1963, which in that year fell upon the 28th day of that month. * I come here today...not just because you are doing well and because you are outstanding students, but because we expect something of you. And '''unless in this free country of ours we are able to demonstrate that we are able to make this society work and progress, unless we can hope that from you we are going to get back all of the talents which society has helped develop in you, then, quite obviously, all the hopes of all of us that freedom will not only endure but prevail, of course, will be disappointed.''' So we ask the best of you...I congratulate you on what you have done, and most of all I congratulate you on what you are going to do. ** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Remarks in New York City to the National Convention of the Catholic Youth Organization (463)," (15 November 1963)]<!-- ''Public Papers of the President: John F. Kennedy, 1963'' --> ====Third State of the Union Address ==== [[File:Kennedy Family with Dogs During a Weekend at Hyannisport 1963-crop.png|thumb|The future of any country which is dependent upon the will and wisdom of its citizens is damaged, and irreparably damaged, whenever any of its children is not educated to the full extent of his talent.]] [[File:Flickr - The U.S. Army - Young patriot.jpg|thumb|This country cannot afford to be materially rich and spiritually poor.]] [[File:MacMillian and Kennedy in Key West March 1961.jpg|thumb|While we shall never weary in the defense of freedom, neither shall we ever abandon the pursuit of peace.]] :<small>[http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/index.php?pid=9138&st=&st1= "Annual Message to the Congress on the State of the Union" (14 January 1963)]<!-- Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley, The American Presidency Project --></small> * Little more than 100 weeks ago I assumed the office of President of the United States. '''In seeking the help of the Congress and our countrymen, I pledged no easy answers. I pledged — and asked — only toil and dedication. These the Congress and the people have given in good measure.''' * In short, both at home and abroad, there may now be a temptation to relax. For '''the road has been long, the burden heavy, and the pace consistently urgent. But we cannot be satisfied to rest here. This is the side of the hill, not the top. The mere absence of war is not peace. The mere absence of recession is not growth. We have made a beginning — but we have only begun. Now the time has come to make the most of our gains''' — to translate the renewal of our national strength into the achievement of our national purpose. * I am convinced that the enactment this year of tax reduction and tax reform overshadows all other domestic problems in this Congress. For we cannot for long lead the cause of peace and freedom, if we ever cease to set the pace here at home. For '''we cannot for long lead the cause of peace and freedom, if we ever cease to set the pace here at home.''' * '''This country cannot afford to be materially rich and spiritually poor.''' * '''The future of any country which is dependent upon the will and wisdom of its citizens is damaged, and irreparably damaged, whenever any of its children is not educated to the full extent of his talent''', from grade school through [https://madchemclasses.online/ graduate school]. * '''As the idealism of our youth has served world peace, so can it serve the domestic tranquility.''' * These are not domestic concerns alone. For '''upon our achievement of greater vitality and strength here at home hang our fate and future in the world''': our ability to sustain and supply the security of free men and nations, our ability to command their respect for our leadership, our ability to expand our trade without threat to our balance of payments, and our ability to adjust to the changing demands of cold war competition and challenge. '''We shall be judged more by what we do at home than by what we preach abroad.''' Nothing we could do to help the developing countries would help them half as much as a booming U.S. economy. And nothing our opponents could do to encourage their own ambitions would encourage them half as much as a chronic lagging U.S. economy. These domestic tasks do not divert energy from our security — they provide the very foundation for freedom's survival and success. * But '''complacency or self-congratulation can imperil our security as much as the weapons of tyranny. A moment of pause is not a promise of peace.''' * For '''the road to world peace and freedom is still long, and there are burdens which only full partners can share — in supporting the common defense, in expanding world trade''', in aligning our balance of payments, in aiding the emergent nations, '''in concerting political and economic policies''', and in welcoming to our common effort other industrialized nations, notably Japan, whose remarkable economic and political development of the 1950's permits it now to play on the world scene a major constructive role. * For '''the unity of freedom has never relied on uniformity of opinion.''' * '''While we shall never weary in the defense of freedom, neither shall we ever abandon the pursuit of peace.''' * For '''we seek not the worldwide victory of one nation or system but a worldwide victory of man. The modern globe is too small, its weapons are too destructive, and its disorders are too contagious to permit any other kind of victory.''' ==== Address at Vanderbilt University ==== [[File:Statue of Liberty 23.JPG|thumb|Liberty without learning is always in peril, and learning without liberty is always in vain.]] [[File:ArchivesRotunda.jpg|thumb|The protection of our rights can endure no longer than the performance of our responsibilities. Each can be neglected only at the peril of the other.]] [[File:The County Election, Bingham, 1846.jpg|thumb|The ignorance of one voter in a democracy impairs the security of all.]] [[File:Statue of Liberty, Silhouette.jpg|thumb|Only an educated and informed people will be a free people.]] [[File:Authority of Law SCOTUS.JPG|thumb|Law is the adhesive force in the cement of society, creating order out of chaos and coherence in place of anarchy.]] [[File:1942 JFK uniform portrait.jpg|thumb|Only a respect for the law makes it possible for free men to dwell together in peace and progress.]] :<small> [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Asset-Viewer/aZ0Im5s0mUqPJlFNs6iO4A.aspx Remarks in Nashville at the 90th Anniversary Convocation of Vanderbilt University] ([[18 May]] [[1963]]). In May of 1963, President Kennedy added his weight to the federal government’s preparation for the impending clash with the state of Alabama over the integration of the [[w:University of Alabama|University of Alabama]]. Less than a week after the bombing of a Black American’s home and hotel in Birmingham, President Kennedy made a one-day trip to Tennessee and Alabama, saluting the ninetieth anniversary of Vanderbilt University and the thirtieth anniversary of the Tennessee Valley Authority, but in addition reminding his listeners of their roles and responsibilities as citizens. In a spirited and eloquent speech before an estimated crowd of 30,000 people in the stadium at [[w:Vanderbilt University|Vanderbilt University]] in Nashville, Tennessee on May 18, 1963, President Kennedy reminded his listeners that it falls to the educated man to assume the greater obligations of citizenship — for the pursuit of learning, to serve the public and to uphold the law.</small> * The essence of Vanderbilt is still learning, the essence of its outlook is still liberty, and liberty and learning will be and must be the touchstones of Vanderbilt University and of any free university in this country or the world. I say two touchstones, yet they are almost inseparable, inseparable if not indistinguishable, for '''liberty without learning is always in peril, and learning without liberty is always in vain.''' * This State, this city, this campus, have stood long for both human rights and human enlightenment — and let that forever be true. This Nation is now engaged in a continuing debate about the rights of a portion of its citizens. This Nation is now engaged in a continuing debate about the rights of a portion of its citizens. That will go on, and those rights will expand until the standard first forged by the Nation's founders has been reached, and all Americans enjoy equal opportunity and liberty under law. But this Nation was not founded solely on the principle of citizens' rights. Equally important, though too often not discussed, is the citizen's responsibility. For '''our privileges can be no greater than our obligations. The protection of our rights can endure no longer than the performance of our responsibilities. Each can be neglected only at the peril of the other. I speak to you today, therefore, not of your rights as Americans, but of your responsibilities. They are many in number and different in nature. They do not rest with equal weight upon the shoulders of all. Equality of opportunity does not mean equality of responsibility. All Americans must be responsible citizens, but some must be more responsible than others, by virtue of their public or their private position, their role in the family or community, their prospects for the future, or their legacy from the past. Increased responsibility goes with increased ability, for "[[s:Bible_(King_James)/Luke#Chapter_12|of those to whom much is given, much is required.]]"''' * You have responsibilities, in short, to use your talents for the benefit of the society which helped develop those talents. You must decide, as [[Goethe]] put it, whether you will be an anvil or a hammer, whether you will give to the world in which you were reared and educated the broadest possible benefits of that education. '''Of the many special obligations incumbent upon an educated citizen, I would cite three as outstanding: your obligation to the pursuit of learning, your obligation to serve the public, your obligation to uphold the law.''' * '''If the pursuit of learning is not defended by the educated citizen, it will not be defended at all.''' For there will always be those who scoff at intellectuals, who cry out against research, who seek to limit our educational system. Modern cynics and skeptics see no more reason for landing a man on the moon, which we shall do, than the cynics and skeptics of half a millennium ago saw for the discovery of this country. They see no harm in paying those to whom they entrust the minds of their children a smaller wage than is paid to those to whom they entrust the care of their plumbing. </br> But the educated citizen knows how much more there is to know. He knows that "knowledge is power," more so today than ever before. He knows that '''only an educated and informed people will be a free people''', that '''the ignorance of one voter in a democracy impairs the security of all''', and that '''if we can, as [[Thomas Jefferson|Jefferson]] put it, "enlighten the people generally … tyranny and the oppressions of mind and body will vanish, like evil spirits at the dawn of day." And, therefore, the educated citizen has a special obligation to encourage the pursuit of learning, to promote exploration of the unknown, to preserve the freedom of inquiry, to support the advancement of research, and to assist at every level of government the improvement of education for all Americans, from grade school to graduate school.''' * Secondly, the educated citizen has an obligation to serve the public. He may be a precinct worker or President. He may give his talents at the courthouse, the State house, the White House. He may be a civil servant or a Senator, a candidate or a campaign worker, a winner or a loser. But he must be a participant and not a spectator. "At the [[Olympic Games|Olympic games]]," [[Aristotle]] wrote, "it is not the finest and strongest men who are crowned, but they who enter the lists-for out of these the prize-men are elected. So, too, in life, of the honorable and the good, it is they who act who rightly win the prizes." * I urge all of you today, especially those who are students, to act, to enter the lists of public service and rightly win or lose the prize. For we can have only one form of aristocracy in this country, as Jefferson wrote long ago in rejecting [[John Adams]]' suggestion of an artificial [[aristocracy]] of wealth and birth. It is, he wrote, the natural aristocracy of character and talent, and the best form of government, he added, was that which selected these men for positions of responsibility. * I would hope that all educated citizens would fulfill this obligation — in politics, in Government, here in Nashville, here in this State, in the [[w:United States Peace Corps|Peace Corps]], in the Foreign Service, in the Government Service, in the Tennessee Valley, in the world. You will find the pressures greater than the pay. You may endure more public attacks than support. But you will have the unequaled satisfaction of knowing that your character and talent are contributing to the direction and success of this free society. * '''Third, and finally, the educated citizen has an obligation to uphold the law.''' This is the obligation of every citizen in a free and peaceful society — but the educated citizen has a special responsibility by the virtue of his greater understanding. For whether he has ever studied history or current events, ethics or civics, the rules of a profession or the tools of a trade, he knows that '''only a respect for the law makes it possible for free men to dwell together in peace and progress.''' * He knows that '''law is the adhesive force in the cement of society, creating order out of chaos and coherence in place of anarchy.''' He knows that for one man to defy a law or court order he does not like is to invite others to defy those which they do not like, leading to a breakdown of all justice and all order. He knows, too, that '''every fellowman is entitled to be regarded with decency and treated with dignity. Any educated citizen who seeks to subvert the law, to suppress freedom, or to subject other human beings to acts that are less than human, degrades his heritage, ignores his learning, and betrays his obligation.''' * Certain '''other societies may respect the rule of force — we respect the rule of law.''' * Ninety years from now I have no doubt that [[w:Vanderbilt University|Vanderbilt University]] will still be fulfilling this mission. It will still uphold learning, encourage public service, and teach respect for the law. It will neither turn its back on proven wisdom or turn its face from newborn challenge. It will still pass on to the youth of our land the full meaning of their rights and their responsibilities. And it will still be teaching the truth — the '''truth''' that '''makes us free and will keep us free.''' ==== [[w:John F. Kennedy#American_University_speech|American University speech]] ==== :<small> [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Asset-Viewer/BWC7I4C9QUmLG9J6I8oy8w.aspx Commencement Address at American University (10 June 1963)]; also entitled “Strategy of Peace”, is considered one of Kennedy’s most powerful speeches, in which Kennedy laid out a hopeful, yet realistic route for world peace at a time when the U.S. and [[w:Soviet Union|Soviet Union]] faced the potential for an escalating nuclear arms race. Kennedy addressed American University graduates mere months after the fierce standoff over the [[w:Cuban Missile Crisis|Cuban Missile Crisis]]. At the time of his speech world powers were gathered in Geneva to discuss complete nuclear disarmament. In his speech the President asks the graduates to re-examine their attitudes towards [[peace]], the Soviet Union, and the [[w:Cold War|Cold War]], famously remarking, "If we cannot end now our differences, at least we can make the world safe for diversity." The President also announces that he, Soviet Premier [[Nikita Khrushchev]], and British Prime Minister [[Harold Macmillan]] have agreed to hold discussions concerning a comprehensive nuclear test ban treaty. Finally, he explains that the United States will not conduct atmospheric nuclear tests on the condition that other countries uphold this same promise.</small> [[File:JFK1968-Front&Back.jpg|thumb|Our problems are manmade — therefore, they can be solved by man. And man can be as big as he wants. No problem of human destiny is beyond human beings.]] [[File:President Kennedy addresses nation on Civil Rights, 11 June 1963.jpg|thumb|If we cannot end now our differences, at least we can make the world safe for diversity.]] [[File:President Kennedy American University Commencement Address June 10, 1963.jpg|thumb|No government or social system is so evil that its people must be considered as lacking in virtue.]] [[File:Castle Romeo.jpg|thumb|Nuclear powers must avert those confrontations which bring an adversary to a choice of either a humiliating retreat or a nuclear war. To adopt that kind of course in the nuclear age would be evidence only of the bankruptcy of our policy — or of a collective death-wish for the world.]] [[File:Children living next to Daurra Oil Refinery in Iraq.jpg|thumb|Our most basic common link is that we all inhabit this small planet. We all breathe the same air. We all cherish our children's future. And we are all mortal.]] * I have, therefore, chosen this time and this place to discuss a topic on which ignorance too often abounds and the truth is too rarely perceived — yet it is the most important topic on earth: world peace. What kind of peace do I mean? '''What kind of peace do we seek? Not a [[w:Pax Americana|Pax Americana]] enforced on the world by American weapons of war. Not the peace of the grave or the security of the slave. I am talking about genuine peace, the kind of peace that makes life on earth worth living, the kind that enables men and nations to grow and to hope and to build a better life for their children — not merely peace for Americans but peace for all men and women — not merely peace in our time but peace for all time.''' * I speak of peace because of the new face of war. Total war makes no sense in an age when great powers can maintain large and relatively invulnerable nuclear forces and refuse to surrender without resort to those forces. It makes no sense in an age when a single nuclear weapon contains almost ten times the explosive force delivered by all the allied air forces in the [[World War II|Second World War]]. It makes no sense in an age when the deadly poisons produced by a nuclear exchange would be carried by wind and water and soil and seed to the far corners of the globe and to generations yet unborn. '''Today the expenditure of billions of dollars every year on weapons acquired for the purpose of making sure we never need to use them is essential to keeping the peace. But surely the acquisition of such idle stockpiles — which can only destroy and never create — is not the only, much less the most efficient, means of assuring peace. I speak of peace''', therefore, '''as the necessary rational end of rational men. I realize that the pursuit of peace is not as dramatic as the pursuit of war — and frequently the words of the pursuer fall on deaf ears. But we have no more urgent task.''' * '''Some say that it is useless to speak of world peace or world law or world disarmament — and that it will be useless until the leaders of the Soviet Union adopt a more enlightened attitude. I hope they do. I believe we can help them do it. But I also believe that we must reexamine our own attitude — as individuals and as a Nation — for our attitude is as essential as theirs.''' And every graduate of this school, '''every thoughtful citizen who despairs of war and wishes to bring peace, should begin by looking inward — by examining his own attitude toward the possibilities of peace, toward the Soviet Union, toward the course of the cold war and toward freedom and peace here at home.''' * '''Let us examine our attitude toward peace itself. Too many of us think it is impossible. Too many think it unreal. But that is a dangerous, defeatist belief. It leads to the conclusion that war is inevitable — that mankind is doomed — that we are gripped by forces we cannot control.''' We need not accept that view. '''Our problems are manmade — therefore, they can be solved by man. And man can be as big as he wants. No problem of human destiny is beyond human beings.''' Man's reason and spirit have often solved the seemingly unsolvable — and we believe they can do it again. * '''I am not referring to the absolute, infinite concept of peace and good will of which some fantasies and fanatics dream. I do not deny the value of hopes and dreams but we merely invite discouragement and incredulity by making that our only and immediate goal. Let us focus instead on a more practical, more attainable peace — based not on a sudden revolution in human nature but on a gradual evolution in human institutions — on a series of concrete actions and effective agreements which are in the interest of all concerned.''' There is no single, simple key to this peace — no grand or magic formula to be adopted by one or two powers. '''Genuine peace must be the product of many nations, the sum of many acts. It must be dynamic, not static, changing to meet the challenge of each new generation. For peace is a process — a way of solving problems'''. ** Kennedy's "focus on a more practical, more attainable peace, based not on a sudden revolution in human nature but on a gradual evolution of human institutions." was quoted by [[Barack Obama]] in his [[Barack Obama#Nobel_Prize_acceptance_speech|Nobel Prize acceptance speech]]. * '''World peace, like community peace, does not require that each man love his neighbor — it requires only that they live together in mutual tolerance, submitting their disputes to a just and peaceful settlement.''' And history teaches us that enmities between nations, as between individuals, do not last forever. However fixed our likes and dislikes may seem, the tide of time and events will often bring surprising changes in the relations between nations and neighbors. * '''Peace need not be impracticable, and war need not be inevitable. By defining our goal more clearly, by making it seem more manageable and less remote, we can help all peoples to see it, to draw hope from it, and to move irresistibly toward it.''' * '''No government or social system is so evil that its people must be considered as lacking in virtue.''' * In short, both the United States and its allies, and the Soviet Union and its allies, have a mutually deep interest in a just and genuine peace and in halting the arms race. Agreements to this end are in the interests of the Soviet Union as well as ours — and even the most hostile nations can be relied upon to accept and keep those treaty obligations, and only those treaty obligations, which are in their own interest. So, '''let us not be blind to our differences — but let us also direct attention to our common interests and to the means by which those differences can be resolved. And if we cannot end now our differences, at least we can help make the world safe for diversity. For, in the final analysis, our most basic common link is that we all inhabit this small planet. We all breathe the same air. We all cherish our children's future. And we are all mortal.''' * Let us reexamine our attitude toward the cold war, remembering that we are not engaged in a debate, seeking to pile up debating points. We are not here distributing blame or pointing the finger of judgment. '''We must deal with the world as it is, and not as it might have been had the history of the last 18 years been different.''' We must, therefore, persevere in the search for peace in the hope that constructive changes within the Communist bloc might bring within reach solutions which now seem beyond us. We must conduct our affairs in such a way that it becomes in the Communists' interest to agree on a genuine peace. Above all, while defending our own vital interests, '''nuclear powers must avert those confrontations which bring an adversary to a choice of either a humiliating retreat or a [[nuclear war]]. To adopt that kind of course in the nuclear age would be evidence only of the bankruptcy of our policy — or of a collective death-wish for the world.''' To secure these ends, America's weapons are nonprovocative, carefully controlled, designed to deter, and capable of selective use. Our military forces are committed to peace and disciplined in self- restraint. Our diplomats are instructed to avoid unnecessary irritants and purely rhetorical hostility. For '''we can seek a relaxation of tension without relaxing our guard.''' And, for our part, '''we do not need to use threats to prove that we are resolute.''' We do not need to jam foreign broadcasts out of fear our faith will be eroded. '''We are unwilling to impose our system on any unwilling people — but we are willing and able to engage in peaceful competition with any people on earth.''' * The [[Communist]] drive to impose their political and economic system on others is the primary cause of world tension today. For '''there can be no doubt that, if all nations could refrain from interfering in the self-determination of others, the peace would be much more assured.''' * The one major area of these negotiations where the end is in sight, yet where a fresh start is badly needed, is in a treaty to outlaw nuclear tests. The conclusion of such a treaty, so near and yet so far, would check the spiraling arms race in one of its most dangerous areas. It would place the nuclear powers in a position to deal more effectively with one of the greatest hazards which man faces in 1963, the further spread of nuclear arms. It would increase our security — it would decrease the prospects of war. Surely this goal is sufficiently important to require our steady pursuit, yielding neither to the temptation to give up the whole effort nor the temptation to give up our insistence on vital and responsible safeguards. * Finally, my fellow Americans, '''let us examine our attitude toward peace and freedom here at home. The quality and spirit of our own society must justify and support our efforts abroad.''' We must show it in the dedication of our own lives--as many of you who are graduating today will have a unique opportunity to do, by serving without pay in the Peace Corps abroad or in the proposed National Service Corps here at home. But '''wherever we are, we must all, in our daily lives, live up to the age-old faith that peace and freedom walk together. In too many of our cities today, the peace is not secure because the freedom is incomplete. It is the responsibility of the executive branch at all levels of government--local, State, and National--to provide and protect that freedom for all of our citizens by all means within their authority. It is the responsibility of the legislative branch at all levels, wherever that authority is not now adequate, to make it adequate. And it is the responsibility of all citizens in all sections of this country to respect the rights of all others and to respect the law of the land. All this is not unrelated to world peace. [[s:https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Bible_(King_James)/Proverbs#Chapter_16|"When a man's ways please the Lord," the Scriptures tell us, "he maketh even his enemies to be at peace with him."]]''' * '''And is not peace, in the last analysis, basically a matter of human rights — the right to live out our lives without fear of devastation — the right to breathe air as nature provided it — the right of future generations to a [https://www.pumpernickel-online.co.uk/ healthy] existence?''' * '''While we proceed to safeguard our national interests, let us also safeguard human interests. And the elimination of war and arms is clearly in the interest of both.''' * '''No treaty, however much it may be to the advantage of all, however tightly it may be worded, can provide absolute security against the risks of deception and evasion. But it can — if it is sufficiently effective in its enforcement and if it is sufficiently in the interests of its signers — offer far more security and far fewer risks than an unabated, uncontrolled, unpredictable arms race.''' * '''The United States, as the world knows, will never start a war. We do not want a war. We do not now expect a war. This generation of Americans has already had enough — more than enough — of war and hate and oppression. We shall be prepared if others wish it. We shall be alert to try to stop it. But we shall also do our part to build a world of peace where the weak are safe and the strong are just. We are not helpless before that task or hopeless of its success. Confident and unafraid, we labor on — not toward a strategy of annihilation but toward a strategy of peace.''' ==== [[w:Civil Rights Address|Civil Rights Address]] ==== :<small> The [[s:Civil Rights Message|Civil Rights Address]] delivered on radio and television from the Oval Office (11 June 1963) in which he proposed legislation which developed into the [[w:Civil Rights Act of 1964|Civil Rights Act of 1964]]. He responds to the threats of violence and obstruction on the [[w:University of Alabama|University of Alabama]] campus following [[w:Desegregation|desegregation attempts]], explaining that the United States was founded on the principle that all men are created equal and thus, all American students are entitled to attend public educational institutions, regardless of race. He also discusses how discrimination affects education, public safety, and international relations, noting that the country cannot preach freedom internationally while ignoring it domestically. The President asks Congress to enact legislation protecting all Americans' voting rights, legal standing, educational opportunities, and access to public facilities, but recognizes that legislation alone cannot solve the country's problems concerning race relations.</small> [[File:Writing the Declaration of Independence 1776 cph.3g09904.jpg|thumb|This Nation was founded by men of many nations and backgrounds. It was founded on the principle that all men are created equal, and that the rights of every man are diminished when the rights of one man are threatened.]] [[File:March_on_Washington_edit.jpg|thumb|A great change is at hand, and our task, our obligation, is to make that revolution, that change, peaceful and constructive for all.]] [[File:President Kennedy addresses nation on Civil Rights, 11 June 1963.jpg|thumb|This Nation, for all its hopes and all its boasts, will not be fully free until all its citizens are free.]] * '''This Nation was founded by men of many nations and backgrounds. It was founded on the principle that all men are created equal, and that the rights of every man are diminished when the rights of one man are threatened.''' * Today we are committed to a worldwide struggle to promote and protect the rights of all who wish to be free. And when Americans are sent to Vietnam or West Berlin, we do not ask for whites only. It ought to be possible, therefore, for American students of any color to attend any public institution they select without having to be backed up by troops. * It ought to be possible for American consumers of any color to receive equal service in places of public accommodation, such as hotels and restaurants and theaters and retail stores, without being forced to resort to demonstrations in the street, and it ought to be possible for American citizens of any color to register and to vote in a free election without interference or fear of reprisal. It ought to be possible, in short, for every American to enjoy the privileges of being American without regard to his race or his color. In short, every American ought to have the right to be treated as he would wish to be treated, as one would wish his children to be treated. But this is not the case. * This is not a sectional issue. Difficulties over segregation and discrimination exist in every city, in every State of the Union, producing in many cities a rising tide of discontent that threatens the public safety. Nor is this a partisan issue. '''In a time of domestic crisis men of good will and generosity should be able to unite regardless of party or politics.''' This is not even a legal or legislative issue alone. It is better to settle these matters in the courts than on the streets, and new laws are needed at every level, but law alone cannot make men see right. We are confronted primarily with a moral issue. It is as old as the [[w:Religious text|scriptures]] and is as clear as the [[United States Constitution|American Constitution]]. * The heart of the question is whether all Americans are to be afforded equal rights and equal opportunities, whether we are going to treat our fellow Americans as we want to be treated. If an American, because his skin is dark, cannot eat lunch in a restaurant open to the public, if he cannot send his children to the best public school available, if he cannot vote for the public officials who represent him, if, in short, he cannot enjoy the full and free life which all of us want, then who among us would be content to have the color of his skin changed and stand in his place? Who among us would then be content with the counsels of patience and delay? * One hundred years of delay have passed since President Lincoln freed the slaves, yet their heirs, their grandsons, are not fully free. They are not yet freed from the bonds of injustice. They are not yet freed from social and economic oppression. And '''this Nation, for all its hopes and all its boasts, will not be fully free until all its citizens are free.''' * We preach freedom around the world, and we mean it, and we cherish our freedom here at home, but are we to say to the world, and much more importantly, to each other that this is a land of the free except for the Negroes; that we have no second-class citizens except Negroes; that we have no class or caste system, no ghettoes, no master race except with respect to Negroes? * The fires of frustration and discord are burning in every city, North and South, where legal remedies are not at hand. Redress is sought in the streets, in demonstrations, parades, and protests which create tensions and threaten violence and threaten lives. We face, therefore, a moral crisis as a country and as a people. It cannot be met by repressive police action. It cannot be left to increased demonstrations in the streets. It cannot be quieted by token moves or talk. It is a time to act in the Congress, in your State and local legislative body and, above all, in all of our daily lives. '''It is not enough to pin the blame on others, to say this is a problem of one section of the country or another, or deplore the fact that we face. A great change is at hand, and our task, our obligation, is to make that revolution, that change, peaceful and constructive for all. Those who do nothing are inviting shame as well as violence. Those who act boldly are recognizing right as well as reality.''' * '''This is one country. It has become one country because all of us and all the people who came here had an equal chance to develop their talents.''' We cannot say to 10 percent of the population that you can't have that right; that your children can't have the chance to develop whatever talents they have; that the only way that they are going to get their rights is to go into the streets and demonstrate. I think we owe them and we owe ourselves a better country than that. Therefore, I am asking for your help in making it easier for us to move ahead and to provide the kind of equality of treatment which we would want ourselves; to give a chance for every child to be educated to the limit of his talents. As I have said before, not every child has an equal talent or an equal ability or an equal motivation, but they should have the equal right to develop their talent and their ability and their motivation, to make something of themselves. * We have a right to expect that the [[Negro]] community will be responsible, will uphold the law, but they have a right to expect that the law will be fair, that the Constitution will be [[Color blindness (racial classification)|color blind]], as [[John Marshall Harlan|Justice Harlan]] said at the turn of the century. ====Address in the Assembly Hall at the Paulskirche in Frankfurt==== [[File:US-President John F. Kennedy stands before the Roemer - Frankfurt's City Hall in Germany 1963.jpg|thumb|Partnership is not a posture but a process-a continuous process that grows stronger each year as we devote ourselves to common tasks.]] [[File:Weekend at Newport. President Kennedy, John F. Kennedy, Jr., in beached rowboat. Newport, RI, Bailey's Beach. - NARA - 194229.jpg|thumb|A rising tide lifts all the boats. And a partnership, by definition, serves both partners, without domination or unfair advantage. Together we have been partners in adversity — let us also be partners in prosperity.]] [[File:North America from low orbiting satellite Suomi NPP.jpg|thumb|We must seek a world of peace — a world in which peoples dwell together in mutual respect and work together in mutual regard — a world where peace is not a mere interlude between wars, but an incentive to the creative energies of humanity.]] :<small>[https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/address-the-assembly-hall-the-paulskirche-frankfurt "Address in the Assembly Hall at the Paulskirche in Frankfurt, West Germany" (25 June 1963)]; ''The Public Papers of the Presidents of the United States: John F. Kennedy, 1963'', p. 519<!-- Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley, The American Presidency Project -->; also in ''The Burden and the Glory'' (1964) by John F. Kennedy, edited by Allan Nevins, p. 115]</small> * '''Partnership is not a posture but a process-a continuous process that grows stronger each year as we devote ourselves to common tasks.''' * As they say on my own Cape Cod, '''a rising tide lifts all the boats. And a partnership, by definition, serves both partners, without domination or unfair advantage. Together we have been partners in adversity — let us also be partners in prosperity.''' * But [[Johann Wolfgang von Goethe|Goethe]] tells us in his greatest poem that [[Goethe's Faust|Faust]] lost the [[liberty]] of his soul when he said to the passing moment: "Stay, thou art so fair." And '''our liberty''', too, '''is endangered if we pause for the passing moment, if we rest on our achievements, if we resist the pace of progress. For time and the world do not stand still. [[Change]] is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or the present are certain to miss the future.''' ** ''Variant:'' '''Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or the present are certain to miss the future.''' *** ''Documents on International Affairs'', 1963, Royal Institute of International Affairs, ed. Sir John Wheeler Wheeler-Bennett, p. 36. * '''The mission is to create a new social order, rounded on liberty and justice, in which men are the masters of their fate, in which states are the servants of their citizens, and in which all men and women can share a better life for themselves and their children.''' That is the object of our common policy. To realize this vision, '''we must seek a world of peace — a world in which peoples dwell together in mutual respect and work together in mutual regard — a world where peace is not a mere interlude between wars, but an incentive to the creative energies of humanity.''' We will not find such a peace today, or even tomorrow. The obstacles to hope are large and menacing. Yet the goal of a peaceful world — today and tomorrow-must shape our decisions and inspire our purposes. So we are all idealists. We are all visionaries. Let it not be said of this''' Atlantic '''generation that we left ideals and visions to the past, nor purpose and determination to our adversaries. We have come too far, we have sacrificed too much, to disdain the future now. And we shall ever remember what [[Johann Wolfgang von Goethe|Goethe]] told us — that the "highest wisdom, the best that mankind ever knew" was the realization that "he only earns his freedom and existence who daily conquers them anew."''' ==== [[w:Ich bin ein Berliner|Ich bin ein Berliner]] speech ==== :<small>"[[s:Ich bin ein Berliner|Ich bin ein Berliner]]" address at 'Rathaus Schöneberg' in West-Berlin, Germany (26 June 1963); presented in the midst of a five-nation tour of Western Europe, Kennedy discusses his hopes for the reunification of Germany, and emphasizes the philosophical differences between capitalism and communism, noting, "Freedom is indivisible, and when one man is enslaved, all are not free." In his remarks President Kennedy famously proclaims, "Ich bin ein Berliner."</small> [[File:Winken ueber die Berliner Mauer.jpg|thumb|Freedom is indivisible, and when one man is enslaved, all are not free.]] [[File:JFK speech lch bin ein berliner 1.jpg|thumb|All free men, wherever they may live, are citizens of Berlin, and, therefore, as a free man, I take pride in the words "Ich bin ein Berliner."]] * '''Two thousand years ago the proudest boast was "[[w:Civis romanus sum|civis Romanus sum]]." Today, in the world of freedom, the proudest boast is "Ich bin ein Berliner."''' * There are many people in the world who really don't understand, or say they don't, what is the great issue between the free world and the Communist world. ''Let them come to Berlin.'' There are some who say that communism is the wave of the future. ''Let them come to Berlin.'' And there are some who say in Europe and elsewhere we can work with the Communists. ''Let them come to Berlin.'' And there are even a few who say that it is true that communism is an evil system, but it permits us to make economic progress. ''Lass' sie nach Berlin kommen. Let them come to Berlin.'' * '''[[Freedom]] has many difficulties and [[democracy]] is not perfect, but we have never had to put a [[w:Berlin Wall|wall]] up to keep our people in, to prevent them from leaving us.''' [...] While '''the wall is the most obvious and vivid demonstration of the failures of the Communist system''', for all the world to see, we take no satisfaction in it, for '''it is''', as [[Willy Brandt|your Mayor]] has said, '''an offense not only against history but an offense against humanity, separating families, dividing husbands and wives and brothers and sisters, and dividing a people who wish to be joined together.''' * What is true of this city is true of Germany — real, lasting peace in Europe can never be assured as long as [[East Germany|one German out of four]] is denied the elementary right of free men, and that is to make a free choice. In 18 years of peace and good faith, this generation of [[Germans]] has earned the right to be free, including the right to unite their [[Family|families]] and their [[Nations|nation]] in lasting peace, with good will to all people. '''You live in a defended island of freedom, but your life is part of the main. So let me ask you as I close, to lift your eyes beyond the dangers of today, to the hopes of tomorrow, beyond the freedom merely of this city of Berlin, or your country of Germany, to the advance of freedom everywhere, beyond the wall to the day of peace with justice, beyond yourselves and ourselves to all mankind.''' * '''Freedom is indivisible, and when one man is enslaved, all are not free. When all are free, then we can look forward to that day when this city will be joined as one and this country and this great Continent of Europe in a peaceful and hopeful globe.''' When that day finally comes, as it will, the people of West Berlin can take sober satisfaction in the fact that they were in the front lines for almost two decades. <br/> '''All free men, wherever they may live, are citizens of Berlin, and, therefore, as a free man, I take pride in the words "Ich bin ein Berliner."''' ==== Address at the Free University of Berlin ==== :<small>[http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/?pid=9310 Address at the Free University of Berlin (26 June 1963)]<!-- Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley, The American Presidency Project --> </small> [[File:Holbein-erasmus.jpg|thumb|The duty of the scholar, of the educated man, of the man or woman whom society has developed talents in, the duty of that man or woman is to help build the society which has made their own advancement possible.]] [[File:What_is_truth.jpg|thumb|What does truth require? It requires us to face the facts as they are, not to involve ourselves in self-deception; to refuse to think merely in slogans. [...] let us deal with the realities as they actually are, not as they might have been, and not as we wish they were.]] * '''Prince [[Bismarck]] once said that one-third of the students of German universities broke down from overwork; another third broke down from dissipation, and the other third ruled Germany.''' * '''The duty of the scholar, of the educated man, of the man or woman whom society has developed talents in, the duty of that man or woman is to help build the society which has made their own advancement possible.''' * '''The scholar, the teacher, the intellectual, have a higher duty than any of the others, for society has trained you to think as well as do.''' * First, '''what does truth require? It requires us to face the facts as they are, not to involve ourselves in self-deception; to refuse to think merely in slogans.''' If we are to work for the future of the city, '''let us deal with the realities as they actually are, not as they might have been, and not as we wish they were.''' * '''We must''' first '''bring others to see their own true interests better than they do today.''' * Secondly, '''what does justice require? In the end, it requires liberty.''' * This right of '''free choice''' is no special privilege claimed by the Germans alone. It '''is an elemental requirement of human [[justice]].''' * '''The truth doesn't die. The desire for liberty cannot be fully suppressed.''' * As I said this morning, I am not impressed by the opportunities open to popular fronts throughout the world. '''I do not believe that any democrat can successfully ride that tiger. But I do believe in the necessity of great powers working together to preserve the human race, or otherwise we can be destroyed.''' * But '''life is never easy. There is work to be done and obligations to be met — obligations to truth, to justice, and to liberty.''' ==== [[w:Partial_Nuclear_Test_Ban_Treaty|Limited Nuclear Test Ban Treaty]] speech ==== :<small>[https://www.jfklibrary.org/asset-viewer/archives/JFKWHA/1963/JFKWHA-207/JFKWHA-207 Radio and Television Address to the American People on the Nuclear Test Ban Treaty (26 July 1963)], asserting that the [[w:Partial_Nuclear_Test_Ban_Treaty|Limited Nuclear Test Ban Treaty]] will strengthen national security, lessen the risk and fear of radioactive fallout, reduce world tension by encouraging further dialogue, and prevent acquisition of [[nuclear weapons]] by nations not currently possessing them. The President emphasizes that while the treaty does not eliminate the threat of [[nuclear war]], a limited test ban is safer than an unlimited arms race.</small> [[File:President Kennedy signs Nuclear Test Ban Treaty, 07 October 1963.jpg|thumb|I ask you to stop and think for a moment what it would mean to have [[nuclear weapons]] in so many hands, in the hands of countries large and small, stable and unstable, responsible and irresponsible, scattered throughout the world. There would be no rest for anyone then, no stability, no real security, and no chance of effective disarmament.]] [[File:Kennedy Family with Dogs During a Weekend at Hyannisport 1963-crop.png|thumb|The loss of even one human life [...] should be of concern to us all. Our children and grandchildren are not merely statistics toward which we can be indifferent.]] * [[w:Trinity (nuclear test)|Eighteen years ago the advent of nuclear weapons]] [[w:History of nuclear weapons|changed the course of the world as well as the war]]. Since that time, all mankind has been struggling to escape from the darkening prospect of mass destruction on earth. In an age when both sides have come to possess enough [[nuclear power]] to destroy the human race several times over, the world of communism and the world of free choice have been caught up in a vicious circle of conflicting ideology and interest. Each increase of tension has produced an increase of arms; each increase of arms has produced an increase of tension. * Yesterday a shaft of light cut into the darkness. Negotiations were concluded in Moscow on a treaty to ban all nuclear tests in the atmosphere, in outer space, and under water. For the first time, an agreement has been reached on bringing the forces of nuclear destruction under international control-a goal first sought in 1946 when [[Bernard Baruch]] presented [[w:Baruch Plan|a comprehensive control plan to the United Nations]]. * '''I do not say that a world without aggression or threats of [[war]] would be an easy world. It will bring new problems, new challenges from the Communists, new dangers of relaxing our vigilance or of mistaking their intent. But those dangers pale in comparison to those of the spiraling arms race and a collision course towards war. Since the beginning of history, war has been mankind's constant companion.''' It has been the rule, not the exception. Even a nation as young and as peace-loving as our own has fought through eight wars. * '''A [[war]] today or tomorrow, if it led to [[nuclear war]], would not be like any war in history.''' A full-scale nuclear exchange, lasting less than 60 minutes, with the weapons now in existence, could wipe out more than 300 million Americans, Europeans, and Russians, as well as untold numbers elsewhere. And '''the survivors''', as Chairman Khrushchev warned the [[Chinese Communist Party|Communist]] [[China|Chinese]], "the survivors would envy the dead." For they '''would inherit a world so devastated by explosions and poison and fire that today we cannot even conceive of its horrors. So let us try to turn the world away from war. Let us make the most of this opportunity, and every opportunity, to reduce tension, to slow down the perilous nuclear arms race, and to check the world's slide toward [[Global catastrophic risk|final annihilation]].''' * '''Continued unrestricted testing by the nuclear powers, joined in time by other nations which may be less adept in limiting [[pollution]], will increasingly contaminate the [[air]] that all of us must breathe.''' Even then, '''the number of children and grandchildren with [[cancer]] in their [[Bone|bones]], with leukemia in their blood, or with [[poison]] in their lungs might seem statistically small to some, in comparison with natural health hazards. But this is not a natural health hazard — and it is not a statistical issue. The loss of even one human [[life]], or the malformation of even one [[Infant|baby]] — who may be born long after we are gone — should be of concern to us all. Our children and grandchildren are not merely statistics toward which we can be indifferent.''' * During the next several years, in addition to the four current nuclear powers, a small but significant number of nations will have the intellectual, physical, and financial resources to produce both [[nuclear weapons]] and the means of delivering them. In time, it is estimated, many other nations will have either this capacity or other ways of obtaining nuclear warheads, even as missiles can be commercially purchased today. '''I ask you to stop and think for a moment what it would mean to have [[nuclear weapons]] in so many hands, in the hands of countries large and small, stable and unstable, responsible and irresponsible, scattered throughout the world. There would be no rest for anyone then, no stability, no real security, and no chance of effective disarmament. There would only be the increased chance of accidental war, and an increased necessity for the great powers to involve themselves in what otherwise would be local conflicts.''' If only one thermonuclear bomb were to be dropped on any American, Russian, or any other city, whether it was launched by accident or design, by a madman or by an enemy, by a large nation or by a small, from any corner of the world, that one bomb could release more destructive power on the inhabitants of that one helpless city than all the bombs dropped in the Second World War. * '''No one can be certain what the future will bring. No one can say whether the time has come for an easing of the struggle. But history and our own conscience will judge us harsher if we do not now make every effort to test our hopes by action. And this is the place to begin.''' * '''According to the ancient [[Chinese proverbs|Chinese proverb]], "A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step." My fellow Americans, let us take that first step. Let us, if we can, step back from the shadows of war and seek out the way of peace. And if that journey is a thousand miles, or even more, let history record that we, in this land, at this time, took the first step.''' ==== UN speech ==== [[File:Animated_dove_holding_an_olive_branch.gif|thumb|[[Peace]] is a daily, a weekly, a monthly process, gradually changing opinions, slowly eroding old barriers, quietly building new structures. And however undramatic the pursuit of peace, that pursuit must go on.]] [[File:UN Headquarters 2.jpg|thumb|The task of building the peace lies with the leaders of every nation, large and small. … The long labor of peace is an undertaking for every nation — and in this effort none of us can remain unaligned.To this goal none can be uncommitted.]] [[File:UN_security_council_2005.jpg|thumb|But peace does not rest in charters and covenants alone. It lies in the hearts and minds of all people. And if it is cast out there, then no act, no pact, no treaty, no organization can hope to preserve it without the support and the wholehearted commitment of all people.]] :<small>[[s:Address to the United Nations General Assembly (Kennedy, 1963-09-20)|Address Before the 18th General Assembly of the United Nations]] (20 September 1963). In his speech the President discusses the recently signed treaty banning atmospheric nuclear weapons tests (later known as the Partial Test Ban Treaty or Limited Test Ban Treaty), remarking that peace may be attainable when two nations with incompatible ideologies negotiate with each other. The President famously asks, "Space offers no problems of sovereignty…Why, therefore, should man's first flight to the moon be a matter of national competition?" President Kennedy also explains that the task of maintaining peace and decreasing global tension must be shared by all nations. He proposes ways for the United Nations to increase and improve their efforts in developing countries, specifically [https://www.pumpernickel-online.co.uk/ focusing on health], human rights, agriculture, communication, and the environment.</small> * The world has not escaped from the darkness. The long shadows of conflict and crisis envelop us still. But we meet today in an atmosphere of rising hope, and at a moment of comparative calm. My presence here today is not a sign of crisis, but of confidence. I am not here to report on a new threat to the peace or new signs of war. I have come to salute the [[United Nations]] and to show the support of the American people for your daily deliberations. For the value of this body's work is not dependent on the existence of emergencies — nor can the winning of peace consist only of dramatic victories. '''[[Peace]] is a daily, a weekly, a monthly process, gradually changing opinions, slowly eroding old barriers, quietly building new structures. And however undramatic the pursuit of peace, that pursuit must go on.''' * '''The task of building the peace lies with the leaders of every nation, large and small. For the great powers have no monopoly on conflict or ambition.''' The cold war is not the only expression of tension in this world — and the nuclear race is not the only arms race. Even little wars are dangerous in a nuclear world. '''The long labor of peace is an undertaking for every nation — and in this effort none of us can remain unaligned. To this goal none can be uncommitted.''' * Chronic disputes which divert precious resources from the needs of the people or drain the energies of both sides serve the interests of no one — and '''the badge of responsibility in the modern world is a willingness to seek peaceful solutions.''' * I would say to the leaders of the [[w:Soviet Union|Soviet Union]], and to their people, that '''if either of our countries is to be fully secure, we need a much better weapon than the [[w:H-bomb|H-bomb]] — a weapon better than ballistic missiles or nuclear submarines — and that better weapon is peaceful cooperation.''' * In these and other ways, '''let us move up the steep and difficult path toward comprehensive disarmament, securing mutual confidence through mutual verification, and building the institutions of peace as we dismantle the engines of war. We must not let failure to agree on all points delay agreements where agreement is possible. And we must not put forward proposals for propaganda purposes.''' * Finally, in a field where the United States and the Soviet Union have a special capacity — in the field of space — there is room for new cooperation, for further joint efforts in the regulation and exploration of space. I include among these possibilities a joint expedition to the moon. '''Space offers no problems of sovereignty'''; by resolution of this Assembly, the members of the United Nations have foresworn any claim to territorial rights in outer space or on celestial bodies, and declared that international law and the United Nations Charter will apply. '''Why, therefore, should man's first flight to the moon be a matter of national competition?''' Why should the United States and the Soviet Union, in preparing for such expeditions, become involved in immense duplications of research, construction, and expenditure? Surely we should explore whether the scientists and astronauts of our two countries — indeed of all the world — cannot work together in the conquest of space, sending someday in this decade to the moon not the representatives of a single nation, but the representatives of all of our countries. * The contest will continue — the contest between those who see a monolithic world and those who believe in diversity — but it should be a contest in leadership and responsibility instead of destruction, a contest in achievement instead of intimidation. Speaking for the United States of America, I welcome such a contest. For we believe that '''truth is stronger than error — and that freedom is more enduring than coercion.''' And in the contest for a better life, all the world can be a winner. * '''The effort to improve the conditions of man, however, is not a task for the few. It is the task of all nations''' — acting alone, acting in groups, acting in the United Nations, '''for plague and pestilence, and plunder and pollution, the hazards of nature, and the hunger of children are the foes of every nation. The earth, the sea, and the air are the concern of every nation. And science, technology, and education can be the ally of every nation. Never before has man had such capacity to control his own environment, to end thirst and hunger, to conquer poverty and disease, to banish illiteracy and massive human misery. We have the power to make this the best generation of mankind in the history of the world — or to make it the last.''' * New efforts are needed if this Assembly's [[w:Universal Declaration of Human Rights|Declaration of Human Rights]], now 15 years old, is to have full meaning. And new means should be found for promoting the free expression and trade of ideas — through travel and communication, and through increased exchanges of people, and books, and broadcasts. For as the world renounces the competition of weapons, competition in ideas must flourish — and that competition must be as full and as fair as possible. * '''The [[United Nations]] cannot survive as a static organization.''' Its obligations are increasing as well as its size. Its Charter must be changed as well as its customs. The authors of that Charter did not intend that it be frozen in perpetuity. '''The science of weapons and war has made us all''', far more than 18 years ago in [[San Francisco]], '''one world and one human race, with one common destiny. In such a world, absolute sovereignty no longer assures us of absolute security. The conventions of peace must pull abreast and then ahead of the inventions of war. The United Nations, building on its successes and learning from its failures, must be developed into a genuine world security system.''' * '''But peace does not rest in charters and covenants alone. It lies in the hearts and minds of all people. And if it is cast out there, then no act, no pact, no treaty, no organization can hope to preserve it without the support and the wholehearted commitment of all people. So let us not rest all our hopes on parchment and on paper; let us strive to build peace, a desire for peace, a willingness to work for peace, in the hearts and minds of all our people.''' I believe that we can. I believe '''the problems of human destiny are not beyond the reach of human beings.''' * Two years ago I told this body that the United States had proposed, and was willing to sign, a limited test ban treaty. Today that treaty has been signed. It will not put an end to war. It will not remove basic conflicts. It will not secure freedom for all. But it can be a lever, and [[Archimedes]], in explaining the principles of the lever, was said to have declared to his friends: "Give me a place where I can stand — and I shall move the world." '''My fellow inhabitants of this planet: Let us take our stand here in [[w:United Nations General Assembly|this Assembly of nations]]. And let us see if we, in our own time, can move the world to a just and lasting peace.''' ==== Address at the University of North Dakota ==== :<small> Address at the University of North Dakota (September 25, 1963). The President spoke in the University field house at Grand Forks after receiving an honorary degree of doctor of laws. Source: John F. Kennedy, Address at the University of North Dakota. Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley, The American Presidency Project. [https://web.archive.org/web/20230305190231/https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/address-the-university-north-dakota Archived] [https://archive.is/A3ZNy from] [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/address-the-university-north-dakota the original] on March 5, 2023.</small> [[File:UND 1922.jpg|thumb|All educated citizens bear the burden of governing, as active participants in the democratic process.]] [[File:President greets Peace Corps Volunteers. White House, South Lawn. - NARA - 194180.jpg|thumb|These are the problems which face this great democracy of ours. They cannot be solved by turning away, but can be solved, I believe, by the united, intelligent effort of us all.]] [[File:MontreGousset001.jpg|thumb|Things don't happen, they are made to happen.]] * [[Otto von Bismarck|Prince Bismarck]], who was named after Bismarck, N. Dak., once said that one-third of the students of German universities broke down from overwork, another third broke down from dissipation, and the other third ruled Germany. I do not know which third of the student body of this school is here today, but I am confident I am talking to the future rulers of not only North Dakota, but the United States, in the sense that '''all educated citizens bear the burden of governing, as active participants in the democratic process.''' * '''The fact of the matter is that in the field of [[Conservation|conservation]], every day that is lost is a valuable opportunity wasted. Every time, particularly in the East where they have such a massive concentration of population-every time an acre of land disappears into private development or exploitation, an acre of land which could be used for the people, we have lost a chance. We will never get it back.''' As you know, along the Atlantic Coast, nearly all of the sea, the beach, is owned by comparatively few people. We were able to set aside, a year ago, [[w:Cape Cod National Seashore|Cape Cod Park]], which is near to all of the people of New England. We are talking about doing the same now on the Delaware River. We are talking about doing the same in northern Indiana, near Gary. We have to seize these opportunities--we are talking about now doing the same in northern Wisconsin-'''we have to seize these opportunities to set aside these wilderness areas, these primitive areas, these fresh water areas, these lakes. We have to set them aside for the people who are going to come after us.''' * '''[[Theodore Roosevelt]] once said that the White House is a great pulpit from which to preach, and I would like to preach not only [[The Strenuous Life: Essays and Addresses|the vigorous life]] which he preached for us physically, but also for us in our time, facing entirely different problems, to make the same wise, vigorous decisions which he made for the conservation of our natural resources so that you and your children can enjoy this great and rich country. Nature has been so generous to us that we have mistreated her. Now, when our country is becoming increasingly crowded, when science and technology wastes so much of what we have, we have to realize that time is running out for us.''' * '''These are the problems which face this great democracy of ours. They cannot be solved by turning away, but can be solved, I believe, by the united, intelligent effort of us all.''' * There is an old saying that '''things don't happen, they are made to happen. And we in our years have to make the same wise judgments about what policies will ensure us a growing prosperity as were made in the years before. The whole experience between two world wars, which was so tragic for this country, should tell us that we cannot leave it to mere chance and accident. It requires the long range judgment of all of us, the public judgment, not only the pursuit of our private interests but the public judgment of what it takes to keep''' 180 million '''people gradually rising. And anyone who thinks it can be done by accident and chance should look back on the history of 1919 to 1939 to know what can happen when we let natural forces operate completely freely.''' * '''Unless the United States can demonstrate a sound and vigorous democratic life, a society which is not torn apart by friction and faction, an economy which is steadily growing-unless it can do all those things we cannot continue to bear the responsibilities of leadership which I think almost alone have prevented this world of ours from being overrun. The fact of the matter is that there are many things happening in the world which should serve to encourage us, as well as discourage us. [...] What we seek to advance, what we seek to develop in all of [[Higher education|our colleges and universities]], are educated men and women who can bear the burdens of responsible citizenship, who can make judgments about life as it is, and as it must be, and encourage the people to make those decisions which can bring not only prosperity and security, but happiness to the people of the United States and those who depend upon it.''' * '''[[w:Hubert Lyautey|Marshal Lyautey]], who was the great French Marshal in [[North Africa]], was once talking to his gardener and he suggested that he plant a tree, and the gardener said, "Well, why plant it? It won't flower for 100 years." And Marshal Lyautey said, "In that case, plant it this afternoon." I think that is good advice for all of us.''' ==== Speech at Amherst College ==== :<small> Remarks upon receiving an honorary degree, [[w:Amherst College|Amherst College]], Amherst, Massachusetts (October 26, 1963); reported in ''Public Papers of the Presidents of the United States: John F. Kennedy, 1963'', p. 817. In his speech President Kennedy explains the importance of public service from educated citizens, and describes the role of an artist in society, noting [[Robert Frost|Frost]]’s contributions to American arts, culture, and ideology. The President discusses the nature of strength and power, famously stating, “When power leads men towards arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man’s concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.” See also: John F. Kennedy Presidential Library and Museum (October 26, 1963): ''Remarks at Amherst College on the Arts''. [https://web.archive.org/web/20221205100727/https://www.jfklibrary.org/learn/about-jfk/historic-speeches/remarks-at-amherst-college-on-the-arts Archived] [https://archive.ph/gdFQ7 from] [https://www.jfklibrary.org/learn/about-jfk/historic-speeches/remarks-at-amherst-college-on-the-arts the original] on December 2, 2022.</small> [[File:1983 Robert Frost One-Ounce Gold Medal.jpg |thumb|The men who create power make an indispensable contribution to the Nation's greatness, but the men who question power make a contribution just as indispensable, especially when that questioning is disinterested, for they determine whether we use power or power uses us.]] [[File:John_F_Kennedy_Official_Portrait.jpg |thumb|When power leads men towards arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations...]] [[File:Chapmans Coffin.jpg|thumb|A nation reveals itself not only by the men it produces but also by the men it honors, the men it remembers.]] [[File:Amherst Center, Amherst, MA, USA - panoramio (1).jpg|thumb|The artist, however faithful to his personal vision of reality, becomes the last champion of the individual mind and sensibility against an intrusive society and an officious state. The great artist is thus a solitary figure.I see little of more importance to the future of our country and our civilization than full recognition of the place of the artist.]] * Many years ago, [[Woodrow Wilson]] said, what good is a political party unless it is serving a great national purpose? And '''what good is a private college or university unless it is serving a great national purpose?''' * Privilege is here, and '''with privilege goes responsibility.''' * '''There is inherited wealth in this country and also inherited poverty. And unless the graduates of this college and other colleges like it who are given a running start in life--unless they are willing to put back into our society, those talents, the broad sympathy, the understanding, the compassion--unless they are willing to put those qualities back into the service of the Great Republic, then obviously the presuppositions upon which our democracy are based are bound to be fallible.''' * This day devoted to the memory of Robert Frost offers an opportunity for reflection which is prized by politicians as well as by others, and even by poets, for '''Robert Frost was one of the granite figures of our time in America. He was supremely two things: an artist and an American.''' A nation reveals itself not only by the men it produces but also by the men it honors, the men it remembers. In America, our heroes have customarily run to men of large accomplishments. But today this college and country honors '''a man whose contribution was not to our size but to our spirit, not to our political beliefs but to our insight, not to our self-esteem, but to our self- comprehension.''' In honoring Robert Frost, we therefore can pay honor to '''the deepest sources of our national strength. That strength takes many forms, and the most obvious forms are not always the most significant. The men who create power make an indispensable contribution to the Nation's greatness, but the men who question power make a contribution just as indispensable, especially when that questioning is disinterested, for they determine whether we use power or power uses us.''' * '''Our national strength matters, but the spirit which informs and controls our strength matters just as much. This was the special significance of Robert Frost. He brought an unsparing instinct for reality to bear on the platitudes and pieties of society. His sense of the human tragedy fortified him against self-deception and easy consolation. "I have been" he wrote, "one acquainted with the night." And because he knew the midnight as well as the high noon, because he understood the ordeal as well as the triumph of the human spirit, he gave his age strength with which to overcome despair. At bottom, he held a deep faith in the spirit of man, and it is hardly an accident that Robert Frost coupled poetry and power, for he saw poetry as the means of saving power from itself.''' When power leads men towards arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses. For art establishes the basic human truth which must serve as the touchstone of our judgment. * '''A nation reveals itself not only by the men it produces but also by the men it honors, the men it remembers.''' * '''The men who create power make an indispensable contribution to the Nation's greatness, but the men who question power make a contribution just as indispensable''', especially when that questioning is disinterested, for they determine whether we use power or power uses us. * '''When power leads men towards arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.''' For art establishes the basic human truth which must serve as the touchstone of our judgment. * '''The artist, however faithful to his personal vision of reality, becomes the last champion of the individual mind and sensibility against an intrusive society and an officious state. The great artist is thus a solitary figure.''' He has, as [[Robert Frost|Frost]] said, a lover's quarrel with the world. In pursuing his perceptions of reality, he must often sail against the currents of his time. This is not a popular role. If Robert Frost was much honored in his lifetime, it was because a good many preferred to ignore his darker truths. Yet in retrospect, we see how the artist's fidelity has strengthened the fiber of our national life. If sometimes our great artist have been the most critical of our society, it is because their sensitivity and their concern for justice, which must motivate any true artist, makes him aware that our Nation falls short of its highest potential. '''I see little of more importance to the future of our country and our civilization than full recognition of the place of the artist.''' * '''If art is to nourish the roots of our culture, society must set the artist free to follow his vision wherever it takes him. We must never forget that art is not a form of propaganda; it is a form of truth.''' And as [[Archibald MacLeish|Mr. MacLeish]] once remarked of poets, there is nothing worse for our trade than to be in style. '''In free society art is not a weapon and it does not belong to the spheres of polemic and ideology. Artists are not engineers of the soul. It may be different elsewhere. But democratic society — in it, the highest duty of the writer, the composer, the artist is to remain true to himself and to let the chips fall where they may. In serving his vision of the truth, the artist best serves his nation. And the nation which disdains the mission of art invites the fate of [[Robert Frost]]'s hired man, the fate of having "nothing to look backward to with pride, and nothing to look forward to with hope."''' * '''I look forward to a great future for America, a future in which our country will match its military strength with our moral restraint, its wealth with our wisdom, its power with our purpose. I look forward to an America which will not be afraid of grace and beauty, which will protect the beauty of our natural environment, which will preserve the great old American houses and squares and parks of our national past, and which will build handsome and balanced cities for our future.''' * '''I look forward to an America which will reward achievement in the arts as we reward achievement in business or statecraft. I look forward to an America which will steadily raise the standards of artistic accomplishment and which will steadily enlarge cultural opportunities for all of our citizens. And I look forward to an America which commands respect throughout the world not only for its strength but for its civilization as well. And I look forward to a world which will be safe not only for democracy and diversity but also for personal distinction.''' * Robert Frost was often skeptical about projects for human improvement, yet I do not think he would disdain this hope. As he wrote during the uncertain days of the Second War: <br/><br/> Take human nature altogether since time began . . . <br/> And it must be a little more in favor of man, <br/> Say a fraction of one percent at the very least . . . <br/> Our hold on this planet wouldn't have so increased. <br/><br/> '''Because of Mr. Frost's life and work''', because of the life and work of this college, '''our hold on this planet has increased.''' ==== President John F. Kennedy's last formal speech and public words ==== [[File:TheKennedyFamily1.jpg |thumb|I have spoken about [[w:New Frontier|the New Frontier]]. [...] It is an era which calls for action and for the best efforts of all those who would test the unknown and the uncertain in every phase of human endeavor. It is a time for pathfinders and pioneers.]] [[File:USA123.jpg|thumb|I think the United States should be a leader. A country as rich and powerful as this which bears so many burdens and responsibilities, which has so many opportunities, should be second to none.]] [[File:Kennedy, Johnson, and others watching flight of Astronaut Shepard on television, 05 May 1961.png |thumb|This Nation has tossed its cap over the wall of space, and we have no choice but to follow it. Whatever the difficulties, they will be overcome [...] we will climb this wall with safety and with speed-and we shall then explore the wonders on the other side.]] :<small>[http://www.dennismansfield.com/business/2009/11/president-john-f-kennedys-last-formal-speech.html President John F. Kennedy last formal speech and public words at Aerospace Medical Center in San Antonio, Texas on November 21, 1963.]. [https://web.archive.org/web/20160731211130/https://dennismansfield.com/business/2009/11/president-john-f-kennedys-last-formal-speech.html Archived] from the original on July 31, 2016.</small> * For more than 3 years '''I have spoken about [[w:New Frontier|the New Frontier]].''' This is not a partisan term, and it is not the exclusive property of Republicans or Democrats. '''It refers''', instead, '''to this Nation's place in history, to the fact that we do stand on the edge of a great new era, filled with both crisis and opportunity, an era to be characterized by achievement and by challenge. It is an era which calls for action and for the best efforts of all those who would test the unknown and the uncertain in every phase of human endeavor. It is a time for pathfinders and pioneers.''' * '''Many''' Americans '''make the mistake of assuming that space research has no values here on earth. Nothing could be further from the truth. Just as [[w:Radar in World War II|the wartime development of]] [[w:Radar|radar]] gave us the [[w:Transistor|transistor]], and all that it made possible, so research in space medicine holds the promise of substantial benefit for those of us who are earthbound. For our effort in space is not as some have suggested, a competitor for the natural resources that we need to develop the earth. It is a working partner and a coproducer of these resources. And nothing makes this clearer than the fact that medicine in space is going to make our lives healthier and happier here on earth.''' * I give you three examples: first, '''medical space research may open up new understanding of man's relation to his [[environment]]. Examinations of the astronaut's physical, and mental, and emotional reactions can teach us more about the differences between normal and abnormal, about the causes and effects of disorientation, about changes in [[w:Metabolism|metabolism]] which could result in extending the life span. When you study the effects on our astronauts of exhaust gases which can contaminate their environment, and you seek ways to alter these gases so as to reduce their toxicity, you are working on problems similar to those in our great urban centers which themselves are being corrupted by gases and which must be clear.''' * And second, '''medical space research may revolutionize the technology and the techniques of modern medicine. Whatever new devices are created, for example, '''to monitor our astronauts, to measure their heart activity, their breathing, their brain waves, their eye motion, at great distances and under difficult conditions, will also represent a major advance in general medical instrumentation.''' Heart patients may even be able to wear a light monitor which will sound a warning if their activity exceeds certain limits. An instrument recently developed to record automatically the impact of acceleration upon an astronaut's eyes will also be of help to small children who are suffering miserably from eye defects, but are unable to describe their impairment. And also by the use of instruments similar to those used in [[w:Project Mercury|Project Mercury]], this Nation's private as well as public nursing services are being improved, enabling one nurse now to give more critically ill patients greater attention than they ever could in the past. * And third, '''medical space research may lead to new safeguards against hazards common to many environments'''. Specifically, our astronauts will need fundamentally new devices to protect them from the ill effects of radiation which can have a profound influence upon medicine and man's relations to our present environment. * '''I think the United States should be a leader. A country as rich and powerful as this which bears so many burdens and responsibilities, which has so many opportunities, should be second to none.''' And in December, while I do not regard our mastery of space as anywhere near complete, while I recognize that there are still areas where we are behind — at least in one area, the size of the booster — this year I hope the United States will be ahead. And I am for it. '''We have a long way to go. Many weeks and months and years of long, tedious work lie ahead. There will be setbacks and frustrations and disappointments. There will be, as there always are, pressures in this country to do less in this area as in so many others, and temptations to do something else that is perhaps easier. But this research here must go on. This space effort must go on. The conquest of space must and will go ahead. That much we know. That much we can say with confidence and conviction.''' * [[w:Frank_O'Connor|Frank O'Connor]], the [[Irish people|Irish]] writer, tells in one of his books how, as a boy, he and his friends would make their way across the countryside, and when they came to an orchard wall that seemed too high and too doubtful to try and too difficult to permit their voyage to continue, they took off their hats and tossed them over the wall — and then they had no choice but to follow them. * '''This Nation has tossed its cap over the wall of space, and we have no choice but to follow it. Whatever the difficulties, they will be overcome. Whatever the hazards, they must be guarded against. With the vital''' help of this Aerospace Medical Center, with the '''help of all those who labor in the space endeavor, with the help and support of all Americans, we will climb this wall with safety and with speed-and we shall then explore the wonders on the other side.''' ** The original anecdote from whence Kennedy derived this comparison is in An Only Child, Frank O'Connor, London: MacMillan & Co. Ltd., 1961; p. 180. ==== [[s:Remarks Prepared for Delivery at the Trade Mart in Dallas|Remarks Prepared for Delivery at the Trade Mart in Dallas]] ==== :<small>The following quotes were meant to be delivered on 22 November 1963, in Dallas, Texas. They were however never delivered; Kennedy was on his way to the [[w:Dallas Market Center|Trade Mart]] when [[w:Assassination of John F. Kennedy|he was assassinated]].</small> [[File:Kennedys arrive at Dallas 11-22-63.JPG |thumb|If we are strong, our strength will speak for itself. If we are weak, words will be of no help.]] [[File:Two JFKs.jpg|thumb|Only an America which has fully educated its citizens is fully capable of tackling the complex problems and perceiving the hidden dangers of the world in which we live.]] [[File:John F. Kennedy motorcade, Dallas crop.png |thumb|Only an America which practices what it preaches about equal rights and social justice will be respected by those whose choice affects our future.]] * It is fitting that these two symbols of [[Dallas]] progress are united in the sponsorship of this meeting, for they represent the best qualities, I am told, of leadership and learning in this city — and '''leadership and learning are indispensable to each other. The advancement of learning depends on community leadership for financial and political support and the products of that learning, in turn, are essential to the leadership's hopes for continued progress and prosperity. It is not a coincidence that those communities possessing the best in research and graduate facilities''' — from [[Massachusetts Institute of Technology|MIT]] to [[California Institute of Technology|Cal Tech]] — '''tend to attract the new and growing industries. [...] This link between leadership and learning is not only essential at the community level, it is even more indispensable in world affairs. Ignorance and misinformation can handicap the progress of a city or a company, but they can, if allowed to prevail in foreign policy, handicap this country's security. In a world of complex and continuing problems, in a world full of frustrations and irritations, America's leadership must be guided by the lights of learning and reason''', or else those who confuse rhetoric with reality and the plausible with the possible will gain the popular ascendancy with their seemingly swift and simple solutions to every world problem. * We cannot expect that everyone, to use the phrase of a decade ago, will [[w:Adlai_Stevenson#1952_presidential_bid|''"talk sense to the American people"'']]. But we can hope that fewer people will listen to nonsense. And '''the notion''' that this Nation is headed for defeat through deficit, or '''that strength is but a matter of slogans, is nothing but just plain nonsense.''' * I want to discuss with you today the status of our strength and our security because this question clearly calls for the most responsible qualities of leadership and the most enlightened products of scholarship. For this Nation's strength and security are not easily or cheaply obtained, nor are they quickly and simply explained. '''There are many kinds of strength and no one kind will suffice. Overwhelming nuclear strength cannot stop a guerrilla war. Formal pacts of alliance cannot stop internal subversion. Displays of material wealth cannot stop the disillusionment of diplomats subjected to discrimination. Above all, words alone are not enough.''' The United States is a peaceful nation. And '''where our strength and determination are clear, our words need merely to convey conviction, not belligerence. If we are strong, our strength will speak for itself. If we are weak, words will be of no help.''' * In this administration also it has been necessary at times to issue specific warnings — warnings that [[w:History of Laos since 1945#The_failure_of_neutralism|we could not stand by]] and [[w:Laotian civil war#1961:_Superpowers.27_involvement_deepens|watch the Communists conquer Laos by force]], or [[w:Congo Crisis|intervene in the Congo]], or [[w:Berlin Crisis of 1961|swallow West Berlin]], or [[w:Cuban Missile Crisis|maintain offensive missiles on Cuba]]. But while our goals were at least temporarily obtained in these and other instances, '''our successful defense of freedom was due not to the words we used, but to the strength we stood ready to use on behalf of the principles we stand ready to defend. This strength is composed of many different elements, ranging from the most massive deterrents to the most subtle influences. And all types of strength are needed — no one kind could do the job alone.''' * '''Our security and strength, in the last analysis, directly depend on the security and strength of others''', and that is why our military and economic assistance plays such a key role in enabling those who live on the periphery of the Communist world to maintain their independence of choice. Our assistance to these nations can be painful, risky and costly, as is true in [[w:Southeast Asia|Southeast Asia]] today. But we dare not weary of the task. For our assistance makes possible the stationing of 3-5 million allied troops along the Communist frontier at one-tenth the cost of maintaining a comparable number of American soldiers. * Our foreign aid program is not growing in size, it is, on the contrary, smaller now than in previous years. It has had its weaknesses, but we have undertaken to correct them. And '''the proper way of treating weaknesses is to replace them with strength, not to increase those weaknesses by emasculating essential programs.''' Dollar for dollar, in or out of government, there is no better form of investment in our national security than our much-abused foreign aid program. * Finally, it '''should be clear by now that a nation can be no stronger abroad than she is at home. Only an America which practices what it preaches about equal rights and [[social justice]] will be respected by those whose choice affects our future. Only an America which has fully educated its citizens is fully capable of tackling the complex problems and perceiving the hidden dangers of the world in which we live. And only an America which is growing and prospering economically can sustain the worldwide defenses of freedom, while demonstrating to all concerned the opportunities of our system and society.''' * Our adversaries have not abandoned their ambitions, our dangers have not diminished, our vigilance cannot be relaxed. But now we have the military, the scientific, and the economic strength to do whatever must be done for the preservation and promotion of freedom. That strength will never be used in pursuit of aggressive ambitions — it will always be used in pursuit of peace. It will never be used to promote provocations — it will always be used to promote the peaceful settlement of disputes. * '''We in this country, in this generation, are — by destiny rather than choice — the watchmen on the walls of world freedom. We ask, therefore, that we may be worthy of our power and responsibility, that we may exercise our strength with wisdom and restraint, and that we may achieve in our time and for all time the ancient vision of [[s:Bible_(King_James)/Luke#Chapter_2|''"peace on earth, good will toward men"'']]. That must always be our goal, and the righteousness of our cause must always underlie our strength.''' For as was written long ago: [[s:Bible_(King_James)/Psalms#Psalm_127|''"except the Lord keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain."'']] ==== Remarks Intended for Delivery to the Texas Democratic State Committee in the Municipal Auditorium in Austin ==== [[File:Fort Worth rally, 22 November 1963.jpg |thumb|Our duty is not merely the preservation of political power but the preservation of peace and freedom.]] [[File:Flag-lens-flare.jpg |thumb|Let us stand together with renewed confidence in our cause — united in our heritage of the past and our hopes for the future — and determined that this land we love shall lead all mankind into new frontiers of peace and abundance.]] :<small>JFK's words at a speech he planned to give at [http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/northamerica/usa/10425030/JFK-the-last-word.html Texas Welcome Dinner at Municipal Auditorium, Austin, Texas], night of 11/22/1963. The following quotes were meant to be delivered on 22 November 1963, in Austin, Texas. They were however never delivered; Kennedy was on his way to the [[w:Dallas Market Center|Trade Mart]] when [[w:Assassination of John F. Kennedy|he was assassinated]]. Michael Beschloss, a presidential historian and PBS contributor, flagged the final lines of the speech that JFK would have given on the night of his assassination. Sources: [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/index.php?pid=9540&st=&st1= John F. Kennedy: "Remarks Intended for Delivery to the Texas Democratic State Committee in the Municipal Auditorium in Austin," November 22, 1963. <!-- Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley, The American Presidency Project -->, [http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/northamerica/usa/10425030/JFK-the-last-word.html ''JFK: the last word'' by The Guardian's Alex Hannaford on November 6, 2013], [http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/07/jfk-assassination_n_4233535.html ''The Last Lines Of The Speech JFK Would Have Given The Night Of His Assassination'' by The Huffington Post's Paige Lavender on November 7, 2013], and [http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2013/11/07/read-the-last-lines-of-the-speech-jfk-was-supposed-to-give-on-the-night-of-his-assassination/ ''Read the Last Lines of the Speech JFK Was Supposed to Give on the Night of His Assassination'' by The Blaze's Jason Howert on November 7, 2013]</small> * '''Civilization''', it was once said, '''is a race between education and catastrophe''' — and we intend to win that race for education. * For this country is moving and it must not stop. It cannot stop. For '''this is a time for courage and a time for [[challenge]]. Neither [[conformity]] nor [[complacency]] will do. Neither the fanatics nor the faint-hearted are needed.''' And '''our duty''' as a Party '''is''' not to our Party alone, but '''to the nation, and, indeed, to all mankind. Our duty is not merely the preservation of political power but the preservation of peace and freedom.''' * So '''let us not be petty when our cause is so great. Let us not quarrel amongst ourselves when our Nation's future is at stake.''' * '''Let us stand together with renewed confidence in our cause — united in our heritage of the past and our hopes for the future — and determined that this land we love shall lead all mankind into new frontiers of peace and abundance.''' == Attributed == * Just as I went into [[Politics of the United States|politics]] because [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joseph_P._Kennedy,_Jr. Joe] died, if anything happened to me tomorrow, my brother [[Robert F. Kennedy|Bobby]] would run for my seat in the Senate. And if Bobby died, [[Ted Kennedy|Teddy]] would take over for him. ** Quoted in ''The Remarkable Kennedys'', Joe McCarthy, New York: Dial Press, 1960, page 114. * I'm always rather nervous about how you talk about women who are active in politics, whether they want to be talked about as women or as politicians. ** Quoted in Bill Adler, "The Presidency," ''The Wit of President Kennedy'' (1964). ** [JFK was speaking]...To a group of women delegates to the [[United Nations]] who had suggested that there might one day be a woman President. * Whether I serve one or two terms in the Presidency, I will find myself at the end of that period at what might be called the awkward age — too old to begin a new career and too young to write my memoirs. ** Quoted in [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx ''A Thousand Days: John F. Kennedy in the White House'', Arthur Schlesinger (Boston: Houghton Mifflin Company, 1965), page 1017.] According to a footnote in Schlesinger's manuscript (1st draft, page 1378), this was stated on February 13, 1961. * All my life I've known better than to depend on the experts. How could I have been so stupid, to let them go ahead? ** Conversation with Theodore C. Sorensen concerning the [[w:Bay of Pigs Invasion|Bay of Pigs Invasion]]; as quoted in Sorensen's ''Kennedy'' (1965), p. 309. * If anyone is crazy enough to want to kill a president of the United States, he can do it. All he must be prepared to do is give his life for the president's. ** Pierre Salinger, ''With Kennedy'' (1966), [http://books.google.de/books?id=vx45mXCc4JoC&pg=PA1&lpg=PA1&dq=If+anyone+is+crazy+enough+to+want+to+kill+a+president+of+the+United+States,+he+can+do+it.+All+he+must+be+prepared+to+do+is+give+his+life+for+the+president%E2%80%99s.&source=bl&ots=Bom2TtsfyN&sig=WyeTm82PlS5xBDf7-sIY6xehqbo&hl=de&sa=X&ei=OewXUqv8JJSihgf07IHICA&ved=0CDAQ6AEwADgU#v=onepage&q=If%20anyone%20is%20crazy%20enough%20to%20want%20to%20kill%20a%20president%20of%20the%20United%20States%2C%20he%20can%20do%20it.%20All%20he%20must%20be%20prepared%20to%20do%20is%20give%20his%20life%20for%20the%20president%E2%80%99s.&f=false Chapter 1: Lancer to Wayside, page 1] * When discussing the possibility of a complete military takeover in the country after reading the book [[w:Seven Days in May|Seven Days in May]], President Kennedy said, "...if there were a third Bay of Pigs, it could happen." He paused and then said "But it won't happen on my watch." ** [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx Related in The Pleasure of His Company, Paul Fay, Jr., New York: Harper & Row, 1966, p. 190.] * He "said to one of the highest officials of his Administration that he wanted 'to '''splinter the [[Central Intelligence Agency|C.I.A.]] in a thousand pieces and scatter it to the winds'''.'" ** Wicker, Tom et al. [https://ratical.org/ratville/JFK/Unspeakable/Item03.pdf "C.I.A.: Maker of Policy, or Tool?; Survey Finds Widely Feared Agency Is Tightly Controlled"], ''[[New York Times]]'' (April 24, 1966) * I have a nice home, the office is close by, and the pay is good. ** Quoted in ''Johnny We Hardly Knew Ye'', Kenneth O'Donnell, Dave Powers, and Joseph McCarthy, Boston: Little, Brown, and Company, 1970, page 262. * I was assured by every son of a bitch I checked with — all the military experts and the CIA — that the plan would succeed. ** Comment to [[Richard Nixon]], about the failure of the [[w:Bay of Pigs Invasion|Bay of Pigs Invasion]], as quoted in ''The Memoirs of Richard Nixon'' (1978) by Richard Nixon * '''Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.''' ** As quoted in ''Mayor'' (1984) by [[Ed Koch]] * It really is true that foreign affairs is the only important issue for a president to handle, isn't? ... I mean, Who gives a shit if the minimum wage is $1.15 or $1.25 in comparison to something like this? ** Comment to [[Richard Nixon]], after the [[w:Bay of Pigs Invasion|Bay of Pigs Invasion]], as quoted in ''John F. Kennedy: The Presidential Portfolio : History as told through the collection of the John F. Kennedy Library and Museum'' (2000) by Charles Kenney * '''[[Berlin Wall|A wall]] is a hell of a lot better than a war.''' ** Upon hearing about the construction of the Berlin Wall, as quoted in [http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/books/non-fiction/article724547.ece "Savage century" in "The Sunday Times'' (28 May 2006)] * I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it. ** When asked what his favorite song was, as quoted in ''The Ultimate Book of Useless Information'' (2007) by Noel Botham * '''I'm an [[Idealism|idealist]] without illusions.''' ** Comment about JFK by [[Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis]] as quoted in the Audiobook ''Jacqueline Kennedy: Historic Conversations on Life with John F. Kennedy'' (December 27, 2011) by Caroline Kennedy (Author, Narrator), Michael Beschloss (Author, Narrator), Jacqueline Kennedy (Narrator) & [[Arthur M. Schlesinger, Jr.]] (Narrator) and published by Hyperion AudioBooks. * What would [[Abraham Lincoln|Lincoln]] have been without the [[American Civil War|Civil War]]? Just another railroad lawyer! ** JFK to [[Gore Vidal]], quoted in David Swanson's ''Daybreak: Undoing the Imperial Presidency and Forming a More Perfect Union'' (2011). {{Misattributed begin}} == Misattributed == * A revolution is coming — a revolution which will be peaceful if we are wise enough; compassionate if we care enough; successful if we are fortunate enough — But a revolution which is coming whether we will it or not. We can affect its character; we cannot alter its inevitability. ** [[Robert F. Kennedy]], in a speech in the US Senate (9 May 1966) * One person can make a difference, and every person should try. ** Political scientist [[w:Thomas Cronin|Thomas E. Cronin]], "Leadership and Democracy", in 'Liberal Education', 1987 * A child miseducated is a child lost. ** [[w:Umaru Tanko Al-Makura|Umaru Tanko Al-Makura]] on 29th July, 2013 at The Official Commissioning Of Ta'al Model School, Lafia By Nigeria's President Goodluck Ebele Jonathan where Umaru Tanko Al-Makura said: "[http://www.spyghana.com/speech-delivered-by-his-excellency-umaru-tanko-al-makura/ And, because the human mind is our fundamental resource, we are determined to avail our children the opportunity to acquire the best education possible, since a child mis-educated is a child lost.]" * There's a plot in this country to enslave every man, woman, and child. Before I leave this high and noble office, I intend to expose this plot. - President John F. Kennedy 7 days before his assassination ** a fake quote debunked on several websites, including [https://www.metabunk.org/debunked-theres-a-plot-in-this-country-to-enslave-every-man-woman-and-child-jfk.t319/ metabunk.org]. This has been fact-checked by {{w|Snopes}} as well.<ref>{{Cite web |url=https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/jfk-plot-in-this-country-to-enslave/ |title=Did JFK Warn 'There's a Plot in This Country to Enslave Every Man, Woman, and Child'? |first=David |last=Emory |date=2018-12-10 |accessdate=2024-03-18 |website={{w|Snopes}}}}</ref> {{Misattributed end}} [[File:Civil rights leaders meet with President John F. Kennedy3.tiff|thumb|There was a civil war in this country... Kennedy provoked such hostility and hatred. His death was cheered in the South because of his support for Martin Luther King. He was moving to change things on all fronts... He... described the Soviets for the first time in American history as mortals, like us, who care about their children. ~[[Oliver Stone]]]] [[File:Hugo_Chavez,_Oliver_Stone_66ème_Festival_de_Venise_(Mostra)_12.jpg|thumb|The most shocking part [about the assassination of JFK] is...the sequence of the shooting, the timing... the wounds and the autopsy... It doesn't make any sense the way they described it... They treated it like a routine investigation, but it was hardly so... the Warren Commission... in charge of the investigation...[[w:Alan Dulles|Alan Dulles]]... was fired by Kennedy... two years earlier... That's part of the cover-up. ~[[Oliver Stone]]]] == Quotes about Kennedy == [[File:John F. Kennedy, White House photo portrait, looking up.jpg |thumb|President Kennedy stood for the belief that idealism, high aspirations, and deep convictions are not incompatible with the most practical and efficient of programs — that there is no basic inconsistency between ideals and realistic possibilities, no separation between the deepest desires of heart and of mind and the rational application of human effort to human problems. ~ [[Robert F. Kennedy]]]] [[File:Kennedy bros.jpg |thumb|There was a sense of [[progress]] and [[adventure]], a rejection of [[complacency]] and [[conformity]]. There was a common mission, a shared ideal, and above all the joy of high [[purpose]] and great [[achievement]]. Jack believed that America's [[promises]], that [[Challenge|challenges]] are [[Opportunity|opportunities]] in disguise, that our [[spirit]] can soar again. ~ [[Ted Kennedy]] ]] * I hate to say this because I know it's going to be misunderstood, but his reputation is greater because of the tragedy of his death than it would have been if he had lived out two terms. ... He was a most attractive person. He had real charm. He did not seem to be in any sense a great man. I do not think he knew a great deal about the matters which it's desirable that a chief of state or a President of the United States should know about. He was not decisive. ** [[Dean Acheson]], interview with Kenneth Harris for ''Life'' magazine (July 18, 1971), quoted in ''The Times'' (July 19, 1971), p. 4 * And it wasn't a Republican who wiretapped and snooped on [[Martin Luther King, Jr.|Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.]], but Democrats John F. Kennedy and his brother Robert, who signed the order as Attorney General. ** [[w:Bruce Bartlett|Bruce Bartlett]], as quoted in [https://books.google.com/books?id=vb3Mx7GqAmwC&printsec=frontcover&dq=isbn:9780230600621&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0CB4Q6AEwAGoVChMIi92Er-SPxwIVhnQ-Ch3plQCk#v=onepage&q&f=false ''Wrong on Race: The Democratic Party's Buried Past''] (2008), by B. Bartlett, p. xi. * I met him in the 1950s when I was at [[Harvard University|Harvard]], and I thought the world of him. I was greatly inspired by him when he became president, I found his inaugural address moving, I liked that special sense of vigor and enthusiasm that he injected into an America that seemed to be a little bit uncertain of itself, especially after the launch of the [[w:Sputnik|Sputnik]]. And I was profoundly shocked when he was shot. I remember that moment vividly, but I have to add that the more I learned about him later on, the more I became inclined to temper my enthusiasm for him. I began to see that he was much more manipulative, much more opportunistic, much more self-serving, much less guided by any profound sort of code of conduct or standard than I had believed. So it was, in a way, a disillusioning reassessment. ** [[Zbigniew Brzezinski]], [http://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2013/11/the-world-according-to-zbigniew-brzezinski-100354_Page2.html#.U2sjP61_sSc "The World According to Zbig"] by Charles Gati in ''Politico'', November 27, 2013. * This story, prepared in close cooperation with the late President Kennedy, was scheduled for publication in Superman No. 168, when word of his tragic [[w:Assassination of John F. Kennedy|assassination]] reached us. We immediately took it off the press and substituted other material. How-ever, white house officials have since informed us that [[Lyndon B. Johnson|President Johnson]] wanted it published, as a tribute to his great predecessor, and so we dedicate to the memory of our late, beloved president this plea for his physical fitness program, to which he was wholeheartedly devoted during his life..."[[Superman]]'s mission for president Kennedy!" ** [[w:E. Nelson Bridwell|E. Nelson Bridwell]], "Superman's mission for president Kennedy!", ''Superman'' #170 July 1964, as quoted in [http://www.slate.com/blogs/weigel/2013/11/22/jfk_assassination_superman_comic_dedicated_to_kennedy.html "Revisiting Superman's Mission for JFK"], Emma Roller, ''Slate'', Nov 22 2013. * Back during the 1960 election and the Kennedy Administration, that was when I began to develop into a news junkie. I was very interested in Kennedy and I would listen to his speeches ** 1990 interview in ''Conversations with [[Octavia Butler]]'' (2010) *Besides the feeling of personal sorrow and loss, which for me could scarcely be greater if it were a member of the family, there are the feelings of shock, dismay, and revulsion at the black aspects of our national life so strongly underlined - the bigotry, intolerance and hatred preached by so many. The only ray of light I can see is that perhaps, because of his martyrdom, the noble ideals and aspirations that John Kennedy stood for will be understood as never before. **[[Rachel Carson]], 1963 letter collected in ''Always, Rachel: The Letters of Rachel Carson and Dorothy Freeman'' (1994) * Public employee [[Trade unions|unions]] were greatly helped, it is true, by the executive order of the late President John F. Kennedy and by similar policies adopted by certain state and local governments. ** [[Cesar Chavez]] 1969 testimony anthologized in ''An Organizer’s Tale'' (2008) * Kennedy was at the hawkish end of the administration. ** [[Noam Chomsky]] in ''Rethinking Camelot'' (1993). * I'm sure [[Obama]] is an atheist, I'm sure Kennedy was an atheist, but I doubt if [[Pope Francis|Pope Frank]] is. ** [[Richard Dawkins]] [http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=d2b_1382908273 Interview with Bill Maher (2013)] * Kennedy survived as an orator to the point of delivering his own funeral oration, since [[:w:Ted Sorensen|Theodore Sorensen]] continued to write speeches for his successor in the same style that had contributed so much toward the dead man’s public persona. ** [[Guy Debord]], [[:s:The Society of the Spectacle/Chapter 3|''The Society of the Spectacle'']] (1967) * [The] premise is that Kennedy was a very good president, and might have been a great one if he’d lived. Few serious historians take this view … In reality, the kindest interpretation of Kennedy’s presidency is that he was a mediocrity whose death left his final grade as “incomplete.” The harsher view would deem him a near disaster — ineffective in domestic policy, evasive on civil rights and a serial blunderer in foreign policy, who barely avoided a nuclear war that his own brinksmanship had pushed us toward ... We confuse charisma with competence, rhetoric with results, celebrity with genuine achievement. ** [[w:Ross Douthat|Ross Douthat]] [http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/27/opinion/sunday/Douthat-The-Enduring-Cult-of-Kennedy.html?_r=0 ''The Enduring Cult of Kennedy''], ''New York Times'', November 26, 2011. * (JFK) was Catholic and a child of Irish immigrants, and this had never happened before, president that was not [[Anglo-Saxons|Anglo-Saxon]] or [[w:Scots-Irish|Scots-Irish]] and descended from the original settlers. So he had quite a hill to climb to make himself palatable. ** [[Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz]], [https://www.democracynow.org/2021/10/11/indigenous_peoples_day Interview] with Democracy Now (2021) * A key to John F. Kennedy's political success was that he revived the "frontier" as a trope of [[Populism|populist]] [[American imperialism|imperialism]] openly based on the drama and popular myth of "settling" the continent, of "taming" a different sort of "wilderness." In Kennedy's acceptance speech at the 1960 Democratic National Convention in [[Los Angeles]], [[historian]] [[Richard Slotkin]] writes, the presidential nominee "asked his audience to see him as a new kind of frontiersman confronting a different sort of wilderness: 'I stand tonight facing west on what was once the last frontier. From the lands that stretch 3000 miles behind me, the pioneers of old gave up their safety, their comfort and sometimes their lives to build a new world here in the West.... We stand today on the edge of a new frontier ... a frontier of unknown opportunities and paths, a frontier of unfulfilled hopes and threats." ** [[Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz]], ''An Indigenous Peoples' History of the United States'' (2014) * John Kennedy, who was assassinated in November 1963, left an ambiguous Cold War legacy. In his June 1963 American University commencement address he expressed optimism over achieving peaceful coexistence with the Soviet Union. But within two weeks he set out to [[Europe]] to reassure his [[NATO]] allies of America’s commitment to their defense (while also appealing for a greater contribution on their part), and in West Berlin he denounced the brutal system on the other side of the wall and chided those who believed “we can work with the communists.” Moreover, the otherwise prudent Kennedy markedly increased [[w:US military aid|US military aid]] and advisers to the embattled government of [[South Vietnam]] and shortly before his death also authorized [[w:1963 South Vietnamese coup d'etat|the generals’ successful coup]] against [[Ngô Đình Diệm|Diệm]], thus expanding America’s responsibility for another, even more distant, and indefensible ally. ** Carole C. Fink, ''The Cold War: An International History'', p. 115 * The day Kennedy arrived at Love Field airport, the front page of the [[w:Dallas Morning News|Dallas Morning News]] was bordered in black. The [[Far-right politics|right-wing radicals]] and John Birchers who dominated the city despised Kennedy. <br> The president's brother, Attorney General [[Bobby Kennedy]], had been using the Justice Department to advance the cause of civil rights. And President Kennedy wanted to reduce or even eliminate subsidies for the [[Fossil fuel|oil industry]], which infuriated the Dallas oilmen. <br> "You know, it was a kind of Camelot of the [[Right-wing politics|right]]," Wright says. "[[George Wallace]] came to Dallas to announce his decision to run for president, for instance. We had [[Barry Goldwater]], who was a senator in [[Arizona]], but he was always in Dallas." <br> After the assassination, a grieving nation turned its anger upon Dallas. The feeling was that if the city leaders didn't actually pull Lee Harvey Oswald's trigger, they practically loaded the gun. For the first time in its swaggering existence, Dallas was [[ashamed]] of itself. ** Wade Goodwyn, [https://www.npr.org/2013/11/21/246580954/marking-kennedy-assassination-dallas-still-on-egg-shells?ft=nprml&f=243938281 “Marking Kennedy Assassination, Dallas Still On 'Eggshells'”], All Things Considered, ''NPR'', (November 21, 2013) * John Fitzgerald Kennedy, 35th President of the United States, has been taken from us by an act which outrages decent men everywhere. He upheld the faith of our fathers, which is freedom for all men. He broadened the frontiers of that faith, and backed it with the energy and the courage which are the mark of the Nation he led. A man of [[wisdom]], [[strength]], and [[peace]], he moulded and moved the power of our Nation in the service of a world of growing liberty and order. All who love freedom will mourn his death. As he did not shrink from his responsibilities, but welcomed them, so he would not have us shrink from carrying on his work beyond [[w:Assassination of John F. Kennedy|this hour of national tragedy]]. [...] I earnestly recommend the people [...] to pay their homage of love and reverence to the memory of '''a great and good man'''. ** [[Lyndon B. Johnson]], [[s:Proclamation 3561|Lyndon B. Johnson declaration upon John F. Kennedy's assassination]] (1963) * '''The greatest leader of our time has been struck down by the foulest deed of our time. Today 'John Fitzgerald Kennedy lives on in the immortal words and works that he left behind. He lives on in the mind and memories of mankind. He lives on in the hearts of his countrymen.''' No words are sad enough to express our sense of loss. No words are strong enough to express our determination to continue the forward thrust of America that he began. The dream of conquering the vastness of space — the dream of partnership across the Atlantic — and across the Pacific as well-the dream of a Peace Corps in less developed nations — the dream of education for all of our children — the dream of jobs for all who seek them and need them — the dream of care for our elderly — the dream of an all-out attack on mental illness — and above all, the dream of equal rights for all Americans, whatever their race or color — these and other American dreams have been vitalized by his drive and by his dedication. And now the ideas and the ideals which he so nobly represented must and will be translated into effective action. ** [[Lyndon B. Johnson]], [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/index.php?pid=25988&st=&st1= ''Address Before a Joint Session of the Congress'' (27 November 1963)<!-- Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley, The American Presidency Project --> * Courage is the virtue that President Kennedy most admired. He sought out those people who had demonstrated in some way, whether it was on a battlefield or a baseball diamond, in a speech or fighting for a cause, that they had courage that they would stand up, that they could be counted on. ** [[Robert F. Kennedy]], [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations/Profiles-in-Courage-quotations.aspx ''1964 Memorial Edition of ''Profiles in Courage,'' Foreword by Robert F. Kennedy, p. 9] * But if there was one thing that 'President Kennedy stood for that touched the most profound feeling of young people around the world, it was the belief that idealism, high aspirations, and deep convictions are not incompatible with the most practical and efficient of programs — that there is no basic inconsistency between ideals and realistic possibilities, no separation between the deepest desires of heart and of mind and the rational application of human effort to human problems. ** [[Robert F. Kennedy]], [[Robert_F._Kennedy#Day_of_Affirmation_Address_.281966.29|Day of Affirmation Address]] (1966). * '''My brother was the first [[President of the United States]] to state publicly that [[racial segregation|segregation]] was morally wrong.''' His heart and his soul are in this bill. '''If his life and death had a meaning, it was that we should not hate but love one another; we should use our powers not to create conditions of oppression that lead to violence, but conditions of freedom that lead to peace.''' ** [[Ted Kennedy]], [http://www.tedkennedy.org/ownwords/event/civil_rights.html First Senate floor speech], in support of the [[w:Civil Rights Act of 1964|Civil Rights Act of 1964]] (9 April 1964) * '''As President, Jack was a glory on the mountaintop. The New Frontier of which he dreamed touched deep and responsive chords in the American character. He could make [[lightning]] strike on the things he cared about. He was an irresistible force that made immovable objects move. He taught us to redeem the promise of [[Health care in the United States|health care]] for America's senior generation, to whom the nation owes so much of its present [[greatness]]. He taught us to control the [[atom]], to end the threat of [[Nuclear war|nuclear annihilation]], so that we could leave our [[children]] a safer world. He taught us to make freedom ring in America --[[freedom]] for [[Black people|black]] and brown as well as [[White people|white]]; freedom to live and work and vote; freedom to sit at a public lunch counter, to learn in a public classroom, to play [[American football|football]] on a public field. He added a new dimension in [[Foreign policy of the United States|foreign policy]] by tapping the [[idealism]] of our [[youth]]. He led us beyond [[Earth|our planet]] and [[Apollo 11|launched us toward]] the [[moon]]. And in our own [[w:Western Hemisphere|hemisphere]], he summoned us to a new alliance of effort for the benefit of those less fortunate than ourselves. That is the way it was with Jack. There was a sense of [[progress]] and [[adventure]], a rejection of [[complacency]] and [[conformity]]. There was a common mission, a shared ideal, and above all the joy of high [[purpose]] and great [[achievement]]. Jack believed that America's [[promises]], that [[Challenge|challenges]] are [[Opportunity|opportunities]] in disguise, that our [[spirit]] can soar again.''' ** [[Ted Kennedy]], [https://www.jfklibrary.org/about-us/about-the-jfk-library/history/1979-dedication-remarks-by-senator-kennedy Remarks] at the Dedication Ceremony of the [[w:John F. Kennedy Presidential Library|John F. Kennedy Presidential Library]] (20 October 1979) * Kennedy's posthumous reputation has undergone an extraordinary series of metamorphoses. As could have been predicted, the first revaluation of his character and achievement was almost as depressing as the conspiracy theories; his ''histoire amoureuse'' was being touted around before the first blade of grass had grown on his grave, and soon every whore in America was announcing that he had enjoyed her favours. ** [[Bernard Levin]], "The Last Hurrah", ''The Times'' (November 21, 1988). * And none so poor to do it reverence. What happened? Surely something did, for that portrait of Kennedy can hardly be recognised from the version we have today. He is now widely thought of, when he is thought of at all, as either an earlier model of [[Jimmy Carter|President Carter]], all goodwill and muddle, or a belligerent adventurer likely to follow the Bay of Pigs fiasco with an unprovoked nuclear strike on [[Moscow]]. Was it all show and froth, good looks and rhetoric? I do not believe it. In the first place, Kennedy was not a [[Liberalism|liberal]] in the Carter mode (let alone the [[w:Michael Dukakis|Dukakis]] version); it would almost be closer to the reality to say that he was a liberal in the sense of the [[w:Manchester school|Manchester school]]. ** [[Bernard Levin]], "The Last Hurrah", ''The Times'' (November 21, 1988). * Kennedy would have ordered nuclear retaliation on [[Cuba]] — and perhaps the [[Soviet Union]] — if [[nuclear weapons]] had been fired at [[United States Armed Forces|United States forces]]. ** [[Robert McNamara]], U.S. secretary of defense under President John F. Kennedy, according to ''The New York Times''; ''On the Brink of Nuclear War'', ''Awake!'' magazine, May 22, 1992. * The extent to which the world was being weighed down by millions of the old still in power, getting older without losing their power, was not nearly as present in [[consciousness]] in the 1960s as it is in the [[1970s]]. The temporary hope of young leadership, who ruled in new countries some fifteen years ago, brightened by the youthful looking President John Kennedy, dwindled as the whole world mourned for him as a symbol of youth destroyed. ** [[Margaret Mead]] ''Culture and Commitment: A Study of the Generation Gap'' (1970) * Less than a year after Lee Harvey Oswald fired from the sixth floor of the Texas School Book Depository, the Warren Commission formed by President [[Lyndon Johnson]] completed its investigation into that day. <br> The commission found what it politely called "certain shortcomings and lapses from the high standards which the Commission believes should prevail in the field of Presidential protection." <br> Many dealt with the Secret Service's advance work. No one thought to check the buildings along the motorcade route. There were no formal procedures for working with local law enforcement agencies. <br> Marc Ambinder, who is editor at large of [[w:The Week|The Week]] and has written about the agency, says the Secret Service of 50 years ago was ill-prepared to deal with the gregarious Kennedy. <br> "It's a combination of the fact that the Secret Service playbook was outdated and they had never really encountered a president before John F. Kennedy who loved to mix it up, and loved to get in the middle of huge crowds, and fed off the energy of huge crowds," Ambinder says. <br> After the assassination, the Secret Service made some immediate changes. Open limousines were out. And it began taking a more aggressive approach to its advance work. <br> "Not [[criticizing]] what happened in 1963, but I think it's fair to say that protections changed quite a bit, and how we do things on a day-to-day basis," says Special Agent Brian Leary, who serves as a spokesman for the agency. ** Brian Naylor, [https://www.npr.org/2013/11/07/243769588/how-kennedys-assassination-changed-the-secret-service “How Kennedy's Assassination Changed The Secret Service”], All Things Considered, ''NPR'', (November 7, 2013) * [[Nikita Khrushchev|Nikita Krushchev]]'s eagerness to challenge U.S. interests around the world contributed to the spread of the Cold War in the [[Middle East]], East Asia, Latin America, and even Africa. Krushchev's aggressiveness was motivated not only by a desire to take advantage of an opportunity to expand Soviet influence but also by the perceived Soviet need to fend off a growing challenge by China for leadership of the communist movement. Krushchev's willingness to engage the United States in a nuclear arms race was motivated primarily by his realization that the Soviet Union, despite the continuing development of its nuclear arsenal, was still vulnerable to an American nuclear strike. He undoubtedly believed that the best defense is a good offense and that a forward policy would conceal Soviet nuclear weakness while serving to pressure the West to resolve issues, such as Berlin, to the satisfaction of the Soviet Union. Krushchev's aggressiveness also made Soviet-American reconciliation impossible during the 1950s. ** Ronald Powaski, ''The Cold War: The United States and the Soviet Union, 1917-1991'' (1998), p. 133-134 * Krushchev's public rhetoric also made Soviet-American reconciliation difficult, if not impossible, early in Kennedy's presidency. On January 6, 1961, the Soviet leader declared his country would support "wars of national liberation" in the underdeveloped world. Krushchev's declaration, wrote the president's confidante and historian [[Arthur M. Schlesinger, Jr.|Arthur Schlesinger, Jr.]], "alarmed Kennedy more than Moscow's amiable signals assuaged him." Although Kennedy was willing to negotiate an end to the Cold War, the Third World challenge which Krushchev threw at him would have to be dealt with first. ** Ronald Powaski, ''The Cold War: The United States and the Soviet Union, 1917-1991'' (1998), p. 135 * In the opinion of another historian, Bruce Miroff, Kennedy's reaction to Krushchev's blustering revealed an acute inferiority complex, which the president manifested by a perverse need to prove his leadership capabilities. As a result, rather than ignoring or minimizing Krushchev's threats, as Eisenhower usually did, Kennedy personalized them and converted them into tests of will, in the process manufacturing crises that need not have been. "There was really nothing in that [Eisenhower] era comparable to the Berlin crisis of 1961 and the Cuban missile crisis of 1962," Miroff observes, both of which represented the closest approaches to a superpower nuclear war during the Cold War. For whatever reasons, whether they were primarily ideological, political, or psychological- and all were important- in formulating his initial response to the Soviet Union Kennedy chose to emphasize Krushchev's bellicose actions rather than his friendly gestures. Only after Kennedy had proved to the Soviet leader that he was not soft on communism would [[diplomacy]] make any headway during his presidency. ** Ronald Powaski, ''The Cold War: The United States and the Soviet Union, 1917-1991'' (1998), p. 136 * Kennedy was praised nationwide, even by his Republican critics, for his masterly handling of the Cuban missile crisis, a response Schlesinger characterized as a "combination of toughness and restraint." Yet few discussed what could have happened had he failed. Historian Louise FitzSimons points out what many preferred not to think about: "In the flush of success and relief from danger, Kennedy was determined to force Krushchev's total capitulation- no matter the cost." During the height of the crisis, the president himself placed the likelihood of disaster at "somewhere between one out of three and even," and lamented that the world's children might not live out their lives. Ironically, the enhanced short-term prestige that Kennedy experienced in the wake of the Cuban missile crisis only produced greater long-term insecurity for his country. The humiliation Krushchev suffered at the hands of Kennedy during the missile crisis contributed to his removal from power in October 1964. The new [[Government of Russia|Soviet leadership]], headed by [[Leonid Brezhnev]], was determined to avoid a repetition of the humiliation Krushchev had experienced. Beginning in early 1965, the Kremlin embarked on a massive expansion of the Soviet nuclear arsenal that would enable the Soviet Union to achieve nuclear parity with the United States by the end of the decade. in addition, Kennedy's triumph in the Cuban missile crisis contributed to the development of what historian William J. Medland has called an "arrogance of power," a belief that the United States had the communists on the run. This new attitude helped to explain the growing U.S. involvement in Vietnam. ** Ronald Powaski, ''The Cold War: The United States and the Soviet Union, 1917-1991'' (1998), p. 144 * The Cuban missile crisis also had beneficial consequences. The close brush with nuclear war helped create a climate for productive arms control negotiations, which had not existed since the abortive Paris summit of May 1960. Attempting to reduce tensions with the West, Krushchev, on December 19, 1962, sent Kennedy a personal letter inviting him to intensify the effort to conclude a nuclear test ban treaty. With the humiliation of the Bay of Pigs fiasco erased by his astute performance during the Cuban missile crisis, and sobered by the close superpower approach to nuclear war, Kennedy accepted Krushchev's invitation. Six months later, Kennedy delivered the most conciliatory speech on the Soviet Union of his career. In a commencement address at American University on June 10, 1963, he called on Americans to reexamine their attitudes toward the Soviet Union. "In the final analysis," he told his audience, "we all inhabit this small planet... And we are all mortal." Kennedy called on the American people to support his effort to conclude a nuclear test ban agreement. It would be an initial step toward preserving the life of the planet. As a sign of good faith in the ultimate success of the test ban talks, Kennedy announced that the United States would not conduct atmospheric nuclear tests as long as the Soviet Union employed similar restraint. ** Ronald Powaski, ''The Cold War: The United States and the Soviet Union, 1917-1991'' (1998), p. 144-145 * Despite the limited nature of Kennedy's philosophical transformation after the Cuban missile crisis, his American University speech nevertheless had an extremely favorable impact on the Soviet leadership. Krushchev told [[W. Averell Harriman|Averell Harriman]] that it was the best speech delivered by a U.S. president since [[Franklin D. Roosevelt|Franklin Roosevelt]]. In response, on June 20 the Soviet signed a "hot line" agreement, which established a direct teletype link between Moscow and Washington. The agreement was designed to reduce the risks of an accidental nuclear was as well as ease tensions during international crises. ** Ronald Powaski, ''The Cold War: The United States and the Soviet Union, 1917-1991'' (1998), p. 145 * Shouldn't someone tag Mr. Kennedy's "bold new imaginative" program with its proper age? Under the tousled boyish haircut it is still old Karl Marx — first launched a century ago. There is nothing new in the idea of a government being [[Big Brother]] to us all. [[Adolf Hitler|Hitler]] called his "[[Nazism|State Socialism]]" and way before him it was "benevolent [[monarchy]]." ** [[Ronald Reagan]] in a 1960 letter to the GOP presidential candidate [[Richard Nixon]], quoted in Matthew Dallek's ''The Right Moment: Ronald Reagan's First Victory and the Decisive Turning Point in American Politics'' (2000), p. 38 *Yet another universally held conviction [among Europeans is that] Americans make it a point of honor to elect only mental defectives as Presidents. From the [[Missouri]] tie salesman [[Harry Truman]] to the [[Texas]] cretin [[George W. Bush]], not to mention the peanut farmer [[Jimmy Carter]] and the B-movie actor [[Ronald Reagan]], the White House offers us a gallery of nincompoops. Only John F. Kennedy, in the eyes of the French, rose a little above this undistinguished bunch, probably because he had the merit of having married [[Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis|someone of French extraction]]; naturally, this union could not fail to raise President Kennedy's intelligence to at least average level — but doubtless still too high for his fellow citizens, who never forgave him and ended up assassinating him. ** [[Jean-François Revel]], "[http://eeyore.uh.cz/wp-content/themes/bk/stuff/anti-american%20obsession.pdf Europe's Anti-American Obsession]" (2003) * Jack ought to show a little less profile and a little more courage. ** Former First Lady [[Eleanor Roosevelt]], quoted in [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_C._Humes James C. Humes's] ''My Fellow Americans: Presidential Addresses that Shaped History'' (1992). * '''What are the similarities and differences between Presidents Johnson and Kennedy? Both are political pros who exude confidence and, generally speaking, embrace the same broad philosophies. But Kennedy was an idealist; Johnson is a pragmatist. Kennedy was a voracious reader, a stickler for detail; Johnson has little patience to read, he hits at the heart of a problem rather than get enmeshed in detail. Kennedy had little luck with Congress; Johnson's 32 years' experience on Capitol Hill caught him how to handle lawmakers. Kennedy's foreign-policy style had a continental touch; Johnson's has the flavor of a Texas barbeque.''' ** [[w:Bill Scott (voice actor)|Bill Scott]], ''[https://web.archive.org/web/20200429132839/https://www.upi.com/Archives/Audio/Events-of-1963/Transition-to-Johnson 1963 Year In Review: Transition to Johnson]'' by the United Press International. Archived from the [https://www.upi.com/Archives/Audio/Events-of-1963/Transition-to-Johnson original] on April 29, 2020. * There was a civil war in this country... Kennedy provoked such hostility and hatred. His death was cheered in the [[Southern United States|South]] because of his support for [[Martin Luther King]]. He was moving to change things on all fronts. He was starting to end the [[Cold War]]. He made a deal with Khruschev and [[Russia]] in 1962 to end the missile crisis, and he furthered the deal when he signed the [[w:Nuclear Test Ban Treaty|Nuclear Test Ban Treaty]] in 1963. He installed the Hot Line. He... described the Soviets for the first time in [[History of the United States|American history]] as mortals, like us, who care about their children. He seemed to have an expanding vision of the world, much like [[Mikhail Gorbachev|Gorbachev]] did in [[Russia]] in the '[[1980s|80s]]. People in power are afraid to ask the obvious questions. From Day 1, they accepted the cover story that Oswald did it [assassinated JFK] alone. Oswald said he was the patsy. A lot of people believed him, but not the [[establishment]]. Since that day, the media has chanted the mantra that Oswald did it alone. But the American public, which has been brainwashed with that for 28 years, has never accepted it. They smell a rat. ** [[Oliver Stone]] in [https://www.rogerebert.com/interviews/oliver-stone-defends-jfk-against-conspiracy-of-dunces ''Oliver Stone Defends 'JFK' against conspirancy Dunces by Roger Ebert Interviews''] (22 December 1991) * The most shocking part [about the assassination of JFK] is...the sequence of the shooting, the timing,... the wounds and the autopsy. It's all quite shocking when you...think seriously about it. It doesn't make any sense the way they described it. That's the most shocking part of the case. When you start to investigate Oswald, of course there are a thousand interesting things that come up. The files on Oswald were much more closely supervised by the CIA then we knew at the time and were omitted by the [[w:Warren Commission|Warren Commission]]. They treated it like a routine investigation, but it was hardly so.<BR>We draw a line between the cover-up and the assassination. The cover-up is filled with another cast of characters. That is to say, the Warren Commission itself, who is in charge of the investigation; and the main man, Alan Dulles, the ex-chief of the CIA and one of the most powerful figures in government. He was fired by Kennedy, as were all his top officials, two years earlier. He was put in charge of the investigation and buried certain information. That's part of the cover-up. ** [[Oliver Stone]] quoted in [https://www.rollingstone.com/movies/movie-news/oliver-stone-looks-back-at-jfk-171783/ Oliver Stone Looks Back at ‘JFK’, ''Rolling Stone'' ](4 November 2013) * As one of our interviewers... says in the film, once you kill a sitting president in high noon in Dealey Plaza and blow his head off, you're not going to go back to normal and say, "Oh, wow! We found this whacky--this crazy lone nut who killed him." It doesn't work. It doesn't really work as a narrative for this country. What happened was much deeper than that, and there was so many inconsistencies, so many holes in the Warren Commission... The point is that you cannot remove legitimacy from government like that and get away with it, and the people knew something was wrong. They didn't know exactly what was wrong, but they sensed that something had gone astray, like [[anarchy]] has set in. Some method of control was being exerted because forces that were more powerful than one person were able to kill him, forces that were somewhat, I mean, clearly related to [[CIA|intelligence agencies]], to possible military agencies, and these forces came to dominate American life... ** [[Oliver Stone]], [https://www.washingtonpost.com/washington-post-live/2021/05/12/transcript-conversation-with-oliver-stone/ Transcript: A Conversation with Oliver Stone,] (streamed live [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h5pgnQ2M9tg on youtube]) ''The Washington Post'' (12 May 2021) *'''After Kennedy was killed, and nobody asked, you know, what was Kennedy's real policy on Vietnam? Well... he was going to pull out of Vietnam. He was very clear about it,''' and that's what people get confused. Johnson, Lyndon Johnson, who took over the office went right to war quickly... this is... where we went to a war on a false basis. It was a lie, another lie, and that war was a disaster... Unfortunately, the same forces that made that war happen continued in our life, and they controlled us and pushed us into another war and another war and another war... ** [[Oliver Stone]], [https://www.washingtonpost.com/washington-post-live/2021/05/12/transcript-conversation-with-oliver-stone/ Transcript: A Conversation with Oliver Stone,] (streamed live [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h5pgnQ2M9tg on youtube]) ''The Washington Post'' (12 May 2021) * I was charmed and delighted by Kennedy personally, and certainly he was intelligent. But any man who gave us an invasion of Cuba, a missile crisis, and the war in Vietnam in 1,000 days — give him another 1,000 days, and we would be irradiated atoms in space. No, he was a mistake as president. ** [[Gore Vidal]], quoted in ''I Told You So: Gore Vidal Talks Politics: Interviews with Jon Wiener'' (2013). * He was in my view the most dangerous cold warrior that we have had since the end of World War II. ** Historian [[w:Richard Walton|Richard Walton]], "Kennedy Remembered", ''Newsweek'', November 28, 1983. * John Kennedy, in his youth and good looks, brought a new generation to replace the dour faces of the Eisenhower administration, and added social glamour and greater public-relations skills to the presidency's power. He was the first president for whom television- particularly his witty and informative news conferences, broadcast live- became a calculated political instrument. In his term, too, the president's responsibility for managing the national economy was acknowledged and accepted. Kennedy's brief tenure, coinciding with the apogee of American power in the world, made him a sort of young emperor; and his murder was doubly shocking because Americans, by 1963, considered their president somehow preeminent over mere mortals, as superior as the nation itself, thus lacking ordinary human vulnerability. ** Tom Wicker, ''One Of Us: Richard Nixon and the American Dream'' (1991), p. 677 *On 13 March 1962, a US military memo was circulated outlining Operation Northwoods: plans to initiate a wave of false flag [[Terrorism in the United States|terrorist attacks]] in order to justify military intervention in Cuba. Declassified documents describe the proposed plan: "We could develop a Cuban Communist terror campaign in the [[Miami]] area, in other [[Florida]] cities and even in Washington… The terror campaign could be pointed at Cubans refugees seeking haven in the United States. We could sink a boatload of Cubans en route to Florida (real or simulated.) We could foster attempts on lives of Cuban refugees in the United States... Exploding a few plastic bombs in carefully chosen spots." President John F Kennedy declined to implement the plan and removed its author, [[w:Lyman_Lemnitzer|General Lemnitzer]], as Chair of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, causing a rift with some military officials who perceived him as being soft on Cuba. This was despite the fact that Kennedy had authorised a failed invasion of Cuba at the Bay of Pigs as well as Operation Mongoose – another covert plan to destabilise the Cuban government which included numerous terrorist attacks on Cuban soil. **[https://stories.workingclasshistory.com/article/8500/operation-northwoods ''Working Class History''] * President Kennedy did not send troops to [[Alabama]] when dogs were biting [[Black people|black]] babies. He waited three weeks until [[Birmingham riot of 1963|the situation exploded]]. He then sent troops after the [[African Americans|Negroes]] had demonstrated their ability to defend themselves. In his talk with Alabama editors Kennedy did not urge that Negroes be treated right because it is the right thing to do. Instead, he said that if the Negroes aren't well treated the [[Islam in the United States|Muslims]] would become a threat. He urged a change not because it is right but because the world is watching this country. Kennedy is wrong because his motivation is wrong. ** [[Malcolm X]], as quoted in M. S. Handler, [https://www.nytimes.com/1963/05/17/archives/malcolm-x-scores-kennedy-on-racial-policy-says-he-is-wrong-because.html "Malcolm X Scores Kennedy on Racial Policy: Says He Is 'Wrong Because His Motivation Is Wrong': Head of Black Muslim Group Cites Birmingham Crisis"], ''The New York Times'', 17 May 1963; accessed [https://www.proquest.com/docview/116651467 ProQuest]. Also quoted in {{cite book |last1=Cone |first1=James H. |author1-link=James H. Cone |title=Martin & Malcolm & America: A Dream Or a Nightmare |date=1991 |publisher=Orbis Books |isbn=978-0-88344-824-3 |page=177 |url=https://www.google.com/books/edition/Martin_Malcolm_America/RVMNAQAAQBAJ?hl=en-419&gbpv=1&dq=did+not+send+troops+to+Alabama+when+dogs+were+biting+black+babies.+He+waited+three+weeks+until+the+situation+exploded.+He+then+sent+troops+after+the+N&pg=PT177&printsec=frontcover }} * By the way, right at that time Birmingham had exploded, and the Negroes in Birmingham—remember, they also exploded. They began to stab the crackers in the back and bust them up 'side their head—yes, they did. That's when Kennedy sent in the troops, down in Birmingham. So, and right after that, Kennedy got on the television and said "this is a moral issue." ** [[Malcolm X]], ''{{w|Message to the Grassroots}}'', King Solomon Baptist Church, Detroit, November 10, 1963. [https://web.archive.org/web/20100507104558/http://teachingamericanhistory.org/library/index.asp?document=1145 Link online] == See also == * [[List of presidents of the United States]] * [[w:Assassination of John F. Kennedy|Assassination of John F. Kennedy]] * [[JFK (film)]] by [[Oliver Stone]] * [[Jim Garrison]] * ''[[The Rat Pack (film)|The Rat Pack]]'' (1998), biopic about the Rat Pack and their contribution to Kennedy's election as President in 1960. ==References== {{Reflist}} == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{wikisource author}} {{commonscat}} * [http://www.whitehouse.gov/history/presidents/jk35.html The White House Biography] * [http://www.jfklibrary.org/ John F. Kennedy Library] * {{nndb name|113/000024041}} * [http://www.americanrhetoric.com/speeches/jfkhoustonministers.html Address to the Greater Houston Ministerial Association, at the Rice Hotel in Houston, Texas ([[12 September]] [[1960]])] * [http://www.americanrhetoric.com/speeches/jfkinaugural.htm Video, Audio, Text of John F. Kennedy's Inaugural Address] * [http://honors.umd.edu/HONR269J/archive/JFK630610.html World Peace Speech at The American University ([[10 June]] [[1963]])] * [https://www.yourselfquotes.com/john-f-kennedy-quotes/ John F. Kennedy Quotes] * [http://www.nps.gov/jofi/ John F. Kennedy Birthplace National Historic Site] * [http://search.yale.edu:8765/query.html?col=ycsg&col=opa&col=yaleuniv&col=dynamic&qt=John+F.+Kennedy&charset=iso-8859-1&qp=%2Burl%3Awww.yale.edu%2Flawweb%2Favalon JFK at the Avalon Project] * [http://www.whitehousetapes.org/pages/tapes_jfk.htm JFK's Secret White House Recordings @ University of Virginia's Miller Center of Public Affairs] * [http://web.archive.org/web/20011111050047/http://www.state.gov/r/pa/ho/frus/kennedyjf/ Kennedy Administration Official Documentary Historical Record of Major Foreign Policy Decisions] * [http://www.heraldrysociety.us/presidents/index.php?page=Kennedy Armigerous American Presidents Series] * [http://www.popeducation.org/ The JFK Years And Popular Culture] * [http://vvl.lib.msu.edu/showfindingaid.cfm?findaidid=KennedyJF Audio clips of Kennedy's speeches and other commentary] * [http://masteroftheuniverse.be/home/index.php/index.php/content/view/20/ JFK Reloaded — Recreate the assassination of JFK] * [http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=6815620069281926168&q=innerviews InnerVIEWS with Ernie Manouse: Nelley Connally (TV Interview with an eye witness of the Kennedy assassination)] * [http://www.spartacus.schoolnet.co.uk/JFKindex.htm Assassination of President Kennedy Encyclopaedia] * [http://mcadams.posc.mu.edu/home.htm McAdams website about JFK] * [http://www.csicop.org/si/2005-01/strange-world.html Facts and Fiction in the Kennedy Assassination] * [http://www.rootdig.com/john_f_kennedy.html John F. Kennedy in United States Census Records] * [http://www.doctorzebra.com/prez/g35.htm Medical and Health history of John F. Kennedy] * {{gutenberg author|id=John+F.+Kennedy|name=John F. Kennedy}} * [http://mcadams.posc.mu.edu/stjohn.htm St. John the Liberal?] * [http://bioguide.congress.gov/scripts/biodisplay.pl?index=K000107 Biographical Directory of the U.S. Congress] * [http://www.soundboard.com/sb/John_F_Kennedy_JFK.aspx John F. Kennedy Audio Soundboard] * [http://www.kcur.org/UTDarchive.html Gretchen Rubin radio interview: [[November 4]], [[2005]] on ''Up To Date''] * [http://www.archives.gov/exhibits/american_originals_iv/sections/jfk_inaugural_address.html John F. Kennedy's inaugural address: from the National Archives] * [http://www.americanpresidents.org/presidents/president.asp?PresidentNumber=34 Presidents of the United States] * [http://www.archive.org/search.php?query=creator%3A%22John%20F.%20Kennedy%22 Archive.org collection of audio recordings] * [https://sound-buttons.com/jackal-sounds-sboard-pro/com.jackelsound.buttons.457858 Archive.org collection of audio recordings] {{Authority control}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Kennedy, John Fitzgerald}} [[Category:1917 births]] [[Category:1963 deaths]] [[Category:Presidents of the United States]] [[Category:People from Boston]] [[Category:United States presidential candidates, 1960]] [[Category:Democratic Party (United States) politicians]] [[Category:Members of the United States Senate]] [[Category:Members of the United States House of Representatives]] [[Category:Journalists from the United States]] [[Category:Non-fiction authors from the United States]] [[Category:Orators from the United States]] [[Category:Anti-communists from the United States]] [[Category:Sailors]] [[Category:Catholics from the United States]] [[Category:Murdered people]] [[Category:Harvard University alumni]] [[Category:Space advocates]] [[Category:Presidential Medal of Freedom recipients]] [[Category:People of the Cold War]] [[Category:Kennedy family|John Fitzgerald Kennedy]] 7vfepzqedjh0aaicxmz28vi9ok7tjti 0 577 3778807 3752531 2025-07-14T19:16:07Z AManWithNoPlan 365526 update url 3778807 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Malcolm X NYWTS 3.jpg|thumb|right|We declare our [[right]] on this [[earth]] to be a [[human]] being, to be [[respect]]ed as a human being, to be given the rights of a human being in this [[society]], on this earth, in this day, which we intend to bring into existence by any means [[necessary]].]] [[File:Malcolm X portrait by Robert Templeton.jpg|thumb|If I take the wages of everyone here, individually it means nothing, but collectively all of the earning power or wages that you earned in one week would make me wealthy. And if I could collect it for a year, I'd be rich beyond dreams. Now, when you see this, and then you stop and consider the wages that were kept back from millions of Black people, not for one year but for 310 years, you'll see how this country got so rich so fast. And what made the economy as strong as it is today. And all that slave labor that was amassed in unpaid wages, is due someone today. And you're not giving us anything when we say that it's time to collect.]] '''[[w:Malcolm X|El-Hajj Malik El-Shabazz]]''', or '''Malcolm X''', born '''Malcolm Little''' ([[19 May]] [[1925]] – [[21 February]] [[1965]]) was an American [[Muslim]] minister and a human rights activist. For many years, he was a major proponent of the [[w:Nation of Islam|Nation of Islam]], espousing [[w:Black supremacy|black supremacy]], the [[w:Black separatism|separation of black and white Americans]], and scoffing at the [[w:Civil rights movement|civil rights movement's]] emphasis on [[w:Racial integration|racial integration]]. By March 1964, he had grown disillusioned with the Nation of Islam and ultimately repudiated its teachings, embracing [[w:Sunni Islam|Sunni Islam]]; while continuing to emphasize [[w:Pan-Africanism|Pan-Africanism]], black self-determination, and black self-defense, disavowing [[race|racism]]. In February 1965, he was assassinated by three men, all of whom were affiliated with the Nation of Islam. ''[[w:The Autobiography of Malcolm X|The Autobiography of Malcolm X]]'', published shortly after his death, is considered one of the most influential non-fiction books of the 20th century. == Quotes == [[File:WhiteTradeOnlyLancasterOhio.jpg|thumb|If you stick a knife in my back nine inches and pull it out six inches, there's no progress. If you pull it all the way out that's not progress. [[Progress]] is healing the wound that the blow made. And they haven't even pulled the knife out much less heal the wound. They won't even admit the knife is there.]] [[File:Little Rock integration protest.jpg|thumb|right|We cannot think of [[uniting]] with others, until after we have first united among ourselves. We cannot think of being acceptable to others until we have first proven acceptable to ourselves.]] [[File:Malcolm X by Latuff2.jpg|thumb|right|'''If you aren't careful, the newspapers will have you [[hating]] the [[people]] who are being oppressed''' and [[loving]] the people who are doing the oppressing.]] [[File:Hoag's object.jpg|thumb|right|We need more [[light]] about each other. Light creates [[understanding]], understanding creates [[love]], love creates [[patience]], and patience creates [[unity]].]] [[File:Black and white handshake MOD 45148076.jpg|thumb|right|I don't mind shaking hands with human beings. Are you one?]] ===1963=== *Anybody that gives even a just criticism of the Jew is instantly labeled antisemite. The Jew cries louder than anybody else if anybody criticizes him. You can tell the truth about any minority in America, but make a true observation about the Jew, and if it doesn't pat him on the back, then he uses his grip on the news media to label you anti-Semite. **May 1963 interview with ''Playboy'', quoted in [https://books.google.ca/books?id=d5927rY-UgoC&pg=PA289 ''Dictionary of Antisemitism''] (2007). * President [[John F. Kennedy|Kennedy]] did not send troops to Alabama when dogs were biting black babies. He waited three weeks until [[Birmingham riot of 1963|the situation exploded]]. He then sent troops after the Negroes had demonstrated their ability to defend themselves. In his talk with Alabama editors Kennedy did not urge that Negroes be treated right because it is the right thing to do. Instead, he said that if the Negroes aren't well treated the [[Islam in the United States|Muslims]] would become a threat. He urged a change not because it is right but because the world is watching this country. Kennedy is wrong because his motivation is wrong. ** As quoted in M. S. Handler, [https://www.nytimes.com/1963/05/17/archives/malcolm-x-scores-kennedy-on-racial-policy-says-he-is-wrong-because.html "Malcolm X Scores Kennedy on Racial Policy: Says He Is 'Wrong Because His Motivation Is Wrong': Head of Black Muslim Group Cites Birmingham Crisis"], ''The New York Times'', 17 May 1963; accessed [https://www.proquest.com/docview/116651467 ProQuest]. Also quoted in {{cite book |last1=Cone |first1=James H. |author1-link=James H. Cone |title=Martin & Malcolm & America: A Dream Or a Nightmare |date=1991 |publisher=Orbis Books |isbn=978-0-88344-824-3 |page=177 |url=https://www.google.com/books/edition/Martin_Malcolm_America/RVMNAQAAQBAJ?hl=en-419&gbpv=1&dq=did+not+send+troops+to+Alabama+when+dogs+were+biting+black+babies.+He+waited+three+weeks+until+the+situation+exploded.+He+then+sent+troops+after+the+N&pg=PT177&printsec=frontcover }} * President Kennedy never foresaw that the chickens would come home to roost so soon. Being an old farm boy myself, chickens coming home to roost never did make me sad; they've always made me glad. ** On the assassination of [[John F. Kennedy]], quoted in ''The New York Times'' (2 December 1963) [http://select.nytimes.com/gst/abstract.html?res=FB0812FE35541A7B93C0A91789D95F478685F9 "Malcolm X Scores U.S. and Kennedy"]. p. 21. ==== [[w:Message to the Grass Roots|Message to the Grass Roots]] (1963) ==== :::<small>Speech at a Northern Negro Grass Roots Leadership Conference, Detroit, Michigan, November 1963</small> * As long as the white man sent you to Korea, you bled. He sent you to Germany, you bled. He sent you to the South Pacific to fight the Japanese, you bled. You bleed for white people, but when it comes to seeing your own churches being bombed and little black girls murdered, you haven't got any blood. You bleed when the white man says bleed; you bite when the white man says bite; and you bark when the white man says bark. I hate to say this about us, but it's true. How are you going to be nonviolent in Mississippi and Alabama, when your churches are being bombed, and your little girls are being murdered, and at the same time you are going to get violent with Hitler, and Tojo, and somebody else you don't even know? * If violence is wrong in America, violence is wrong abroad. If it is wrong to be violent defending black women and black children and black babies and black men, then it is wrong for America to draft us and make us violent abroad in defense of her. And if it is right for America to draft us, and teach us how to be violent in defense of her, then it is right for you and me to do whatever is necessary to defend our own people right here in this country. * By the way, right at that time Birmingham had exploded, and the Negroes in Birmingham—remember, they also exploded. They began to stab the crackers in the back and bust them up 'side their head—yes, they did. That's when Kennedy sent in the troops, down in Birmingham. So, and right after that, Kennedy got on the television and said "this is a moral issue." * It's just like when you've got some coffee that's [[w:Too Black, Too Strong|too black, which means it's too strong]]. What you do? You integrate it with cream; you make it weak. If you pour too much cream in, you won't even know you ever had coffee. It used to be hot, it becomes cool. It used to be strong, it becomes weak. It used to wake you up, now it'll put you to sleep. This is what they did with the march on Washington. They joined it. They didn't integrate it; they infiltrated it. They joined it, became a part of it, took it over. And as they took it over, it lost its militancy. They ceased to be angry. They ceased to be hot. They ceased to be uncompromising. Why, it even ceased to be a march. It became a picnic, a circus. Nothing but a circus, with clowns and all. You had one right here in Detroit — I saw it on television — with clowns leading it, white clowns and black clowns. I know you don't like what I'm saying, but I'm going to tell you anyway. 'Cause I can prove what I'm saying. If you think I'm telling you wrong, you bring me Martin Luther King and [[A. Philip Randolph]] and [[w:James Farmer|James Farmer]] and those other three, and see if they'll deny it over a microphone. ===1964=== * If you stick a knife in my back nine inches and pull it out six inches, there's no progress. If you pull it all the way out that's not progress. Progress is healing the wound that the blow made. And they haven't even pulled the knife out much less heal the wound. They won't even admit the knife is there. **[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cReCQE8B5nY TV interview] after 90-day moratorium (March 1964) * There can be no black-white unity until there is first some black unity. There can be no workers' solidarity until there is first some racial solidarity. '''We cannot think of uniting with others, until after we have first united among ourselves. We cannot think of being acceptable to others until we have first proven acceptable to ourselves.''' One can't unite bananas with scattered leaves. ** [https://www.icit-digital.org/articles/malcolm-x-a-declaration-of-independence-march-12-1964 A Declaration of Independence (12 March 1964)] * We are African, and we happened to be in America. We're not American. We are people who formerly were Africans who were kidnapped and brought to America. Our forefathers weren't the [[w:Pilgrim Fathers|Pilgrims]]. '''We didn't land on [[w:Plymouth Rock|Plymouth Rock]]. The rock was landed on us.''' We were brought here against our will. We were not brought here to be made citizens. We were not brought here to enjoy the constitutional gifts that they speak so beautifully about today. ** [http://www.panafricanperspective.com/mxoaaufounding.html Speech at Founding Rally] of the [[w:Organization of Afro-American Unity|Organization of Afro-American Unity]] (28 June 1964) * I am surprised that the trouble has been contained to the degree it has. Until two years ago, [[New York City]] used wiser methods than any other city to deal with racial problems. Now it is a case of out­right scare tactics. This won't work, because the Negro is not afraid. If the tac­tics are not changed, this could escalate into something very, very serious. ** [https://www.nytimes.com/1964/07/21/malcolm-x-lays-harlem-riot-to-scare-tactics-of-police.html "Malcolm X Lays Harlem Riot To ‘Scare Tactics’ of Police"], ''The New York Times'' (July 21, 1964). * They [America] don't practice what they preach, whereas South Africa preaches and practices the same thing. I have more respect for a man who lets me know where he stands, even if he's wrong, than the one who comes up like an angel and is nothing but a devil. ** [[w:Oxford Union|Oxford Union]] Debate (December 3, 1964) * I don't believe in any form of unjustified [[extremism]]! But when a man is exercising extremism — a human being is exercising extremism — in defense of liberty for human beings [[Barry Goldwater|it's no vice]], and when one is moderate in the pursuit of justice for human beings I say he is a sinner. ** Oxford Union Debate (December 3, 1964) * I believe in the brotherhood of all men, but I don't believe in wasting brotherhood on anyone who doesn't want to practice it with me. Brotherhood is a two-way street.[http://malcolmxfiles.blogspot.com/2013/07/harvard-law-school-forum-december-16.html] ** [http://books.google.com/books?id=108sAQAAIAAJ&q=%22I+believe+in+the+brotherhood+of+all+men+but+I+don't+believe+in+wasting+brotherhood+on+anyone+who+doesn't+want+to+practice+it+with+me+Brotherhood+is+a+two-way+street%22&pg=PA133#v=onepage Speech] at the [[w:Harvard Law School|Harvard Law School]] Forum (December 16, 1964). * '''You get freedom by letting your enemy know that you'll do anything to get your freedom; then you'll get it.''' It's the only way you'll get it. ** [http://www.britannica.com/blackhistory/article-9399834 Advice to the Youth of Mississippi (December 31, 1964)] ====[[w:The Ballot or the Bullet|Speech in Cleveland, Ohio (April 3, 1964)]]==== :<small>[http://web.archive.org/20120113085909/homepage.mac.com/mseffie/assignments/invisible_man/ballot_cleveland.html Speech at Cory Methodist Church, Cleveland, Ohio (April 3, 1964)]</small> [[File:Cicatrices de flagellation sur un esclave.jpg|thumb|right|I'm not going to sit at your table and watch you eat, with nothing on my plate, and call myself a diner. Sitting at the table doesn't make you a diner, unless you eat some of what's on that plate.]] [[File:Benkos Bioho.jpg|thumb|right|How can you thank a man for giving you what's already yours? How then can you thank him for giving you only part of what's already yours?]] [[File:A mosaic LAW by Frederick Dielman, 1847-1935.JPG|thumb|right|Whenever you are going after something that is yours, you are within your legal rights to lay claim to it. And anyone who puts forth any effort to deprive you of that which is yours, is breaking the [[law]], is a criminal.]] [[File:UN General Assembly.jpg|thumb|right|[[Human rights]] are something you were [[born]] with. Human rights are your [[God]]-given rights. Human rights are the rights that are recognized by all [[nation]]s of this [[earth]]. And any time any one violates your human rights, you can take them to the world court.]] [[File:March on Washington - Reflecting Pool.jpg|thumb|right|We want [[freedom]] now, but we’re not going to get it saying "[[w:We Shall Overcome|We Shall Overcome]]". We’ve got to [[fight]] until we overcome.]] [[File:1963 march on washington.jpg|thumb|right|A segregated school [[system]] produces children who, when they graduate, graduate with crippled [[mind]]s.]] [[File:Harriet Tubman Civil War Woodcut.jpg|thumb|In areas where the government has proven itself either unwilling or unable to defend the lives and the property of Negroes, it's time for Negroes to defend themselves. Article number two of the constitutional amendments provides you and me the right to own a rifle or a shotgun. It is constitutionally legal to own a shotgun or a rifle.]] [[File:Mary_Fields.jpg|thumb|If the white man doesn’t want the black man buying rifles and shotguns, then let the government do its job.]] * '''The question tonight, as I understand it, is "The Negro Revolt, and Where Do We Go From Here? or What Next?" In my little humble way of understanding it, it points toward either the ballot or the bullet.''' * I'm not here to argue or discuss anything that we differ about, because it's time for us to submerge our differences and realize that it is best for us to first see that we have the same problem, a common problem, a problem that will make you catch hell whether you're a Baptist, or a Methodist, or a Muslim, or a nationalist. Whether you're educated or illiterate, whether you live on the boulevard or in the alley, you're going to catch hell just like I am. We're all in the same boat and we all are going to catch the same hell from the same man. He just happens to be a white man. All of us have suffered here, in this country, political oppression at the hands of the white man, economic exploitation at the hands of the white man, and social degradation at the hands of the white man. * '''Whether we are Christians or Muslims or nationalists or agnostics or atheists, we must first learn to forget our differences. If we have differences, let us differ in the closet; when we come out in front, let us not have anything to argue about until we get finished arguing with the man.''' * '''I'm not going to sit at your table and watch you eat, with nothing on my plate, and call myself a diner. Sitting at the table doesn't make you a diner, unless you eat some of what's on that plate.''' Being here in America doesn't make you an American. Being born here in America doesn't make you an American. Why, if birth made you American, you wouldn't need any legislation; you wouldn't need any amendments to the Constitution; you wouldn't be faced with civil-rights filibustering in Washington, D.C., right now. * No, '''I'm not an American. I'm one of the 22 million black people who are the victims of Americanism. One of the 22 million black people who are the victims of democracy, nothing but disguised hypocrisy.''' So, I'm not standing here speaking to you as an American, or a patriot, or a flag-saluter, or a flag-waver—no, not I. I'm speaking as a victim of this American system. And I see America through the eyes of the victim. '''I don't see any American dream; I see an American nightmare.''' * What is a Dixiecrat? A Democrat. A Dixiecrat is nothing but a Democrat in disguise. [...] The Dixiecrats in Washington, D.C., control the key committees that run the government. The only reason the Dixiecrats control these committees is because they have seniority. The only reason they have seniority is because they come from states where Negroes can't vote. This is not even a government that's based on democracy. It is not a government that is made up of representatives of the people. Half of the people in the South can't even vote. [[w:James Eastland|Eastland]] is not even supposed to be in Washington. Half of the senators and congressmen who occupy these key positions in Washington, D.C., are there illegally, are there unconstitutionally. </br> These senators and congressmen actually violate the [[w:Fifteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution|constitutional amendments that guarantee the people]] [[w: Twenty-fourth Amendment to the United States Constitution|of that particular state or county the right to vote]]. And the Constitution itself has within it the machinery to expel any representative from a state where the voting rights of the people are violated. You don't even need new legislation. Any person in Congress right now, who is there from a state or a district where the voting rights of the people are violated, that particular person should be expelled from Congress. And when you expel him, you've removed one of the obstacles in the path of any real meaningful legislation in this country. In fact, when you expel them, you don't need new legislation, because they will be replaced by black representatives from counties and districts where the black man is in the majority, not in the minority. * A vote for a Democrat is a vote for a Dixiecrat. That's why, [[w: United States House of Representatives elections, 1964|in]] [[w:United States Senate elections, 1964|1964]], it's time now for you and me to become more politically mature and realize what the ballot is for; what we're supposed to get when we cast a ballot; and that if we don't cast a ballot, it's going to end up in a situation where we're going to have to cast a bullet. It's either a ballot or a bullet. * You and I in America are faced not with a segregationist conspiracy, we're faced with a government conspiracy. Everyone who's filibustering is a senator—that's the government. Everyone who's finagling in Washington, D.C., is a congressman—that's the government. You don't have anybody putting blocks in your path but people who are a part of the government. '''The same government that you go abroad to fight for and die for is the government that is in a conspiracy to deprive you of your voting rights, deprive you of your economic opportunities, deprive you of decent housing, deprive you of decent education. You don't need to go to the employer alone, it is the government itself, the government of America, that is responsible for the oppression and exploitation and degradation of black people in this country.''' And you should drop it in their lap. '''This government has failed the Negro. This so-called democracy has failed the Negro.''' And all these white liberals have definitely failed the Negro. * '''How can you thank a man for giving you what's already yours? How then can you thank him for giving you only part of what's already yours?''' * And now you're facing a situation where the young Negro's coming up. They don't want to hear that "turn the-other-cheek" stuff, no. In [[w:Jacksonville, Florida|Jacksonville]], those were teenagers, they were throwing Molotov cocktails. Negroes have never done that before. But it shows you there's a new deal coming in. There's new thinking coming in. There's new strategy coming in. It'll be Molotov cocktails this month, hand grenades next month, and something else next month. It'll be ballots, or it'll be bullets. '''It'll be liberty, or it will be death. The only difference about this kind of death—it'll be reciprocal.''' * I don't usually deal with those big words because I don't usually deal with big people. I deal with small people. I find you can get a whole lot of small people and whip hell out of a whole lot of big people. They haven't got anything to lose, and they've got every thing to gain. And they'll let you know in a minute: "'''It takes two to tango; when I go, you go.'''" * Three hundred and ten years we worked in this country without a dime in return—I mean without a dime in return. You let the white man walk around here talking about how rich this country is, but you never stop to think how it got rich so quick. It got rich because you made it rich. [...] Not only did we give of our free labor, we gave of our blood. Every time he had a call to arms, we were the first ones in uniform. We died on every battlefield the white man had. We have made a greater sacrifice than anybody who's standing up in America today. We have made a greater contribution and have collected less. Civil rights, for those of us whose philosophy is black nationalism, means: "Give it to us now. Don’t wait for next year. Give it to us yesterday, and that’s not fast enough." * '''Whenever you're going after something that belongs to you, anyone who's depriving you of the right to have it is a criminal. Understand that. Whenever you are going after something that is yours, you are within your legal rights to lay claim to it. And anyone who puts forth any effort to deprive you of that which is yours, is breaking the law, is a criminal.''' And this was pointed out by [[w:Brown v. Board of Education|the Supreme Court decision]]. It outlawed [[w:Racial segregation in the United States|segregation]]. Which means segregation is against the law. Which means a segregationist is breaking the law. A segregationist is a criminal. You can't label him as anything other than that. And when you demonstrate against segregation, the law is on your side. The [[w:Supreme Court of the United States|Supreme Court]] is on your side. </br> Now, who is it that opposes you in carrying out the law? The police department itself. With police dogs and clubs. Whenever you demonstrate against segregation, whether it is segregated education, segregated housing, or anything else, the law is on your side, and anyone who stands in the way is not the law any longer. They are breaking the law; they are not representatives of the law. * I don't mean go out and get violent; but at the same time you should never be nonviolent unless you run into some nonviolence. '''I'm nonviolent with those who are nonviolent with me. But when you drop that violence on me, then you've made me go insane, and I'm not responsible for what I do.''' And that's the way every Negro should get. '''Any time you know you're within the law, within your legal rights, within your moral rights, in accord with justice, then die for what you believe in. But don't die alone. Let your dying be reciprocal. This is what is meant by equality. What's good for the goose is good for the gander.''' * '''We need to expand the civil-rights struggle to a higher level—to the level of human rights. Whenever you are in a civil-rights struggle, whether you know it or not, you are confining yourself to the jurisdiction of Uncle Sam. No one from the outside world can speak out in your behalf as long as your struggle is a civil-rights struggle. Civil rights comes within the domestic affairs of this country.''' All of our African brothers and our Asian brothers and our Latin-American brothers cannot open their mouths and interfere in the domestic affairs of the United States. And as long as it's civil rights, this comes under the jurisdiction of Uncle Sam. But the United Nations has what's known as the charter of human rights; it has a committee that deals in human rights. You may wonder why all of the atrocities that have been committed in Africa and in Hungary and in Asia, and in Latin America are brought before the UN, and the Negro problem is never brought before the UN. This is part of the conspiracy. This old, tricky blue eyed liberal who is supposed to be your and my friend, supposed to be in our corner, supposed to be subsidizing our struggle, and supposed to be acting in the capacity of an adviser, never tells you anything about human rights. They keep you wrapped up in civil rights. And '''you spend so much time barking up the civil-rights tree, you don't even know there's a human-rights tree on the same floor.''' * When you expand the civil-rights struggle to the level of human rights, you can then take the case of the black man in this country before the nations in the UN. You can take it before the General Assembly. You can take Uncle Sam before a world court. But the only level you can do it on is the level of human rights. Civil rights keeps you under his restrictions, under his jurisdiction. Civil rights keeps you in his pocket. Civil rights means you're asking Uncle Sam to treat you right. '''Human rights are something you were born with. Human rights are your God-given rights. Human rights are the rights that are recognized by all nations of this earth. And any time any one violates your human rights, you can take them to the world court.''' * When you take your case to Washington, D.C., you're taking it to the criminal who's responsible; it's like running from the wolf to the fox. They're all in cahoots together. They all work political chicanery and make you look like a chump before the eyes of the world. Here you are walking around in America, getting ready to be drafted and sent abroad, like a tin soldier, and when you get over there, people ask you what are you fighting for, and you have to stick your tongue in your cheek. No, take Uncle Sam to court, take him before the world. * You and I, 22 million African-Americans — that's what we are — Africans who are in America. You're nothing but Africans. Nothing but Africans. In fact, you'd get farther calling yourself African instead of Negro. Africans don't catch hell. You're the only one catching hell. They don't have to pass civil-rights bills for Africans. * Any time Uncle Sam, with all his machinery for warfare, is held to a draw by some rice eaters, he's lost the battle. He had to sign a truce. America's not supposed to sign a truce. She's supposed to be bad. But she's not bad any more. She's bad as long as she can use her hydrogen bomb, but she can't use hers for fear Russia might use hers. Russia can't use hers, for fear that Sam might use his. So, both of them are weapon-less. They can't use the weapon because each's weapon nullifies the other's. So the only place where action can take place is on the ground. And the white man can't win another war fighting on the ground. Those days are over. The black man knows it, the brown man knows it, the red man knows it, and the yellow man knows it. So they engage him in guerrilla warfare. That's not his style. You've got to have heart to be a guerrilla warrior, and he hasn't got any heart. * '''It takes heart to be a guerrilla warrior because you're on your own.''' In conventional warfare you have tanks and a whole lot of other people with you to back you up—planes over your head and all that kind of stuff. But a guerrilla is on his own. All you have is a rifle, some sneakers and a bowl of rice, and that's all you need—and a lot of heart. * The political philosophy of black nationalism means that the black man should control the politics and the politicians in his own community; no more. The black man in the black community has to be re-educated into the science of politics so he will know what politics is supposed to bring him in return. Don't be throwing out any ballots. '''A ballot is like a bullet. You don't throw your ballots until you see a target, and if that target is not within your reach, keep your ballot in your pocket.''' * Black people are fed up with the dillydallying, pussyfooting, compromising approach that we've been using toward getting our freedom. '''We want freedom now, but we're not going to get it saying "[[w:We Shall Overcome|We Shall Overcome]]". We've got to fight until we overcome.''' * The philosophy of [[w:Black nationalism|black nationalism]] involves a re-education program in the black community in regards to economics. Our people have to be made to see that any time you take your dollar out of your community and spend it in a community where you don't live, the community where you live will get poorer and poorer, and the community where you spend your money will get richer and richer. [...] If we own the stores, if we operate the businesses, if we try and establish some industry in our own community, then we're developing to the position where we are creating employment for our own kind. Once you gain control of the economy of your own community, then you don't have to picket and boycott and beg some cracker downtown for a job in his business. * Don't change the white man's mind—you can't change his mind, and that whole thing about appealing to the moral conscience of America—'''America's conscience is bankrupt. She lost all conscience a long time ago. Uncle Sam has no conscience. They don't know what morals are. They don't try and eliminate an evil because it's evil, or because it's illegal, or because it's immoral; they eliminate it only when it threatens their existence. So you're wasting your time appealing to the moral conscience of a bankrupt man like Uncle Sam.''' If he had a conscience, he'd straighten this thing out with no more pressure being put upon him. So it is not necessary to change the white man's mind. * If it doesn't take senators and congressmen and presidential proclamations to give freedom to the white man, it is not necessary for legislation or proclamation or Supreme Court decisions to give freedom to the Black man. You let that white man know, if this is a country of freedom, let it be a country of freedom; and if it's not a country of freedom, change it. * '''A segregated school system produces children who, when they graduate, graduate with crippled minds.''' But this does not mean that a school is segregated because it's all black. '''A segregated school means a school that is controlled by people who have no real interest in it whatsoever.''' Let me explain what I mean. A segregated district or community is a community in which people live, but outsiders control the politics and the economy of that community. They never refer to the white section as a segregated community. It's the all-Negro section that's a segregated community. Why? The white man controls his own school, his own bank, his own economy, his own politics, his own everything, his own community; but he also controls yours. When you're under someone else's control, you're segregated. * Last but not least, I must say this concerning the great controversy over rifles and shotguns. The only thing that I've ever said is that in areas where the government has proven itself either unwilling or unable to defend the lives and the property of Negroes, it's time for Negroes to defend themselves. [[w:Second Amendment to the Constitution of the United States|Article number two of the constitutional amendments]] provides you and me the right to own a rifle or a shotgun. It is constitutionally legal to own a shotgun or a rifle. This doesn't mean you're going to get a rifle and form battalions and go out looking for white folks, although you'd be within your rights—I mean, you'd be justified; but that would be illegal and we don't do anything illegal. If the white man doesn't want the black man buying rifles and shotguns, then let the government do its job. [...] If he's not going to do his job in running the government and providing you and me with the protection that our taxes are supposed to be for, since he spends all those billions for his defense budget, he certainly can't begrudge you and me spending $12 or $15 for a single-shot, or double-action. I hope you understand. '''Don't go out shooting people''', but any time—brothers and sisters, and especially the men in this audience; some of you wearing Congressional Medals of Honor, with shoulders this wide, chests this big, muscles that big—any time you and I sit around and read where they [[w: 16th Street Baptist Church bombing|bomb a church and murder in cold blood, not some grownups, but four little girls while they were praying to the same God the white man taught them to pray to]], and you and I see the government go down and can't find who did it. * [[Lyndon B. Johnson]] is the head of the Democratic Party. If he's for civil rights, let him go into the Senate next week and declare himself. Let him go in there right now and declare himself. Let him go in there and denounce the Southern branch of his party. Let him go in there right now and take a moral stand—right now, not later. Tell him don't wait until election time. If he waits too long, brothers and sisters, he will be responsible for letting a condition develop in this country which will create a climate that will bring seeds up out of the ground with vegetation on the end of them looking like something these people never dreamed of. '''In 1964, it's the ballot or the bullet.''' ====Speech in Detroit, Michigan (12 April 1964)==== :<small>[http://web.archive.org/20120114091829/homepage.mac.com/mseffie/assignments/invisible_man/ballot_detroit.html Speech at the [[w:Congress for Racial Equality|Congress for Racial Equality]], in Detroit, Michigan (April 12, 1964)]</small> [[File:Malcolm X NYWTS 2a.jpg|thumb|right|My [[religion]] is my personal business. It governs my personal [[life]], my personal [[morals]]. And my religious [[philosophy]] is personal between me and the [[God]] in whom I believe; just as the religious philosophy of these others is between them and the God in whom they believe. And this is best this way.]] [[File:1965 FBI monograph on Nation of Islam - Malcolm X Little.png|thumb|right|Anytime you have to rely upon your [[enemy]] for a [[job]] you’re in bad shape.]] [[File:Malcolm X NYWTS.jpg|thumb|right|Today it’s time to stop [[singing]] and start swinging. You can’t sing up on [[freedom]], but you can swing up on some freedom.]] [[File:Malcolm-x.jpg|thumb|right|Once you [[change]] your [[philosophy]], you change your [[thought]] pattern. Once you change your thought pattern, you change your — your attitude. Once you change your attitude, it changes your behavior pattern and then you go on into some [[action]].]] [[File:MLK and Malcolm X USNWR cropped.jpg|thumb|right|We don’t see any American [[dream]]; we’ve experienced only the American nightmare.]] [[File:Malcolm X bullet holes2.jpg|thumb|right|Any time you find the [[government]] involved in a [[conspiracy]] to violate the citizenship or the civil rights of a people, then you are wasting your time going to that government expecting redress. Instead, you have to take that government to the World Court and accuse it of genocide and all of the other [[crimes]] that it is guilty of today.]] * Adam Clayton Powell is a Christian minister, he's the head of the Abyssinian Baptist Church, but at the same time, he's more famous for his political struggling. And [[Martin Luther King, Jr.|Dr. King]] is a Christian Minister, in Atlanta, Georgia, but he's become more famous for being involved in the civil rights struggle. There's another in New York, Reverend Galamison, I don't know if you've heard of him out here. He's a Christian Minister from Brooklyn, but has become famous for his fight against a segregated school system in Brooklyn. Reverend Clee, right here, is a Christian Minister, here in Detroit. He's the head of the Freedom Now Party. All of these are Christian Ministers, but they don't come to us as Christian Ministers. They come to us as fighters in some other category. I'm a [[Muslim minister]] the same as they are Christian Ministers. And I don't believe in fighting today in any one front, but on all fronts. In fact, I'm a black Nationalist Freedom Fighter. * '''[[Islam]] is my religion, but I believe my [[religion]] is my personal business. It governs my personal life, my personal morals. And my religious philosophy is personal between me and the [[God]] in whom I believe; just as the religious philosophy of these others is between them and the God in whom they believe. And this is best this way. Were we to come out here discussing religion, we'd have too many differences from the outstart and we could never get together.''' [...] If we bring up religion, we'll be in an argument, and the best way to keep away from arguments and differences, as I said earlier, put your religion at home in the closet. Keep it between you and your God. Because if it hasn't done anything more for you than it has, you need to forget it anyway. * As I say, '''if we bring up religion we'll have differences; we'll have arguments; and we'll never be able to get together.''' * We must understand the politics of our community and we must know what politics is supposed to produce. We must know what part politics play in our lives. And until we become politically mature we will always be mislead, lead astray, or deceived or maneuvered into supporting someone politically who doesn't have the good of our community at heart. * The political, the economic philosophy of Black Nationalism only means that we have to become involved in a program of re-education to educate our people into the importance of knowing that '''when you spend your dollar out of the community in which you live, the community in which you spend your money becomes richer and richer; the community out of which you take your money becomes poorer and poorer.''' * So our people not only have to be re-educated to the importance of supporting black business, but the black man himself has to be made aware of the importance of going into business. And once you and I go into business, we own and operate at least the businesses in our community. What we will be doing is developing a situation wherein we will actually be able to create employment for the people in the community. And once you can create some employment in the community where you live it will eliminate the necessity of you and me having to act ignorantly and disgracefully, boycotting and picketing some place else trying to beg him for a job. '''Anytime you have to rely upon your enemy for a job you're in bad shape.''' * Whether you are a Christian, or a Muslim, or a Nationalist, we all have the same problem. They don't hang you because you're a Baptist; they hang you ‘cause you’re black. They don’t attack me because I’m a Muslim; they attack me ‘cause I’m black. They attack all of us for the same reason -- all of us catch hell from the same enemy. We’re all in the same bag, in the same boat. We suffer political oppression, economic exploitation, and social degradation all of them from the same enemy. * The government has failed us; you can’t deny that. Anytime you live in the twentieth century, 1964, and you’re walking around here singing “[[w:We Shall Overcome|We Shall Overcome]],” the government has failed us. This is part of what’s wrong with you -- you do too much singing. '''Today it’s time to stop singing and start swinging. You can’t sing up on freedom, but you can swing up on some freedom.''' [[w:Cassius Clay|Cassius Clay]] can sing, but singing didn’t help him to become the heavyweight champion of the world; swinging helped him become the heavyweight champion. * '''Once you change your philosophy, you change your thought pattern. Once you change your thought pattern, you change your — your attitude. Once you change your attitude, it changes your behavior pattern and then you go on into some action.''' As long as you gotta sit-down philosophy, you’ll have a sit-down thought pattern, and as long as you think that old sit-down thought you’ll be in some kind of sit-down action. * And 1964 looks like it might be the year of the ballot or the bullet. Why does it look like it might be the year of the ballot or the bullet? Because Negroes have listened to the trickery, and the lies, and the false promises of the white man now for too long. And they’re fed up. They’ve become disenchanted. They’ve become disillusioned. They’ve become dissatisfied, and all of this has built up frustrations in the black community that makes the black community throughout today more explosive than all of the atomic bombs the Russians can ever invent. '''Whenever you got a racial powder keg sitting in your lap, you’re in more trouble than if you had an atomic powder keg sitting in your lap. When a racial powder keg goes off, it doesn’t care who it knocks out the way. Understand this, it’s dangerous.''' * When this country here was first being founded there were 13 colonies. The whites were colonized. They were fed up with this taxation without representation, so some of them stood up and said “[[w:Liberty or Death|Liberty or death.]]” Though I went to a white school over here in Mason, Michigan, the white man made the mistake of letting me read his history books. He made the mistake of teaching me that [[Patrick Henry]] was a patriot, and George Washington -- wasn’t nothing nonviolent about old Pat or [[George Washington]]. “Liberty or death” was what brought about the freedom of whites in this country from the English. They didn't care about the odds. Why they faced the wrath of the entire British Empire. And in those days they used to say that the British Empire was so vast and so powerful when the sun would never set on them. This is how big it was, yet these 13 little, scrawny states, tired of taxation without representation, tired of being exploited and oppressed and degraded, told that big British Empire “Liberty or death.” </br> And here you have 22 million Afro-American black people today catching more hell than Patrick Henry ever saw. And I'm here to tell you, in case you don't know it, that you got a new generation of black people in this country who don't care anything whatsoever about odds. They don't want to hear you old Uncle Tom handkerchief heads talking about the odds. No. This is a new generation. If they're gonna draft these young black men and send them over to Korea or South Vietnam to face 800 million Chinese — if you're not afraid of those odds, you shouldn't be afraid of these odds. * I'm no politician. I'm not even a student of politics. I'm not a Republican, nor a Democrat, nor an American, and got sense enough to know it. I'm one of the 22 million black victims of the Democrats, one of the 22 million black victims of the Republicans, and one of the 22 million black victims of Americanism. And '''when I speak, I don't speak as a Democrat, or a Republican, or an American. I speak as a victim of America's so-called democracy. You and I have never seen democracy; all we've seen is hypocrisy. When we open our eyes today and look around America, we see America not through the eyes of someone who has enjoyed the fruits of Americanism, we see through the eyes of someone who has been the victim of Americanism. We don't see any American dream; we've experienced only the American nightmare. We haven't benefited from America's democracy; we've only suffered from America's hypocrisy.''' And the generation that's coming up now can see it and are not afraid to say it. * If you’re black, you were born in jail. If you’re black, you were born in jail, in the North as well as the South. Stop talking about the South. Long as you south of the Canadian border, you’re south. * '''A fox and a wolf are both canine, both belong to the dog family. Now you take your choice. You going to choose a Northern dog or a Southern dog? Because either dog you choose, I guarantee you'll still be in the dog house. </br> This is why I say it's the ballot or the bullet. It's liberty or it's death. It's freedom for everybody or freedom for nobody.''' * Historically, revolutions are bloody. Oh, yes, they are. They haven't never had a bloodless revolution, or a nonviolent revolution. That don't happen even in Hollywood. '''You don't have a revolution in which you love your enemy, and you don't have a revolution in which you are begging the system of exploitation to integrate you into it. Revolutions overturn systems. Revolutions destroy systems.''' * '''A revolution is bloody, but America is in a unique position.''' She's the only country in history in a position actually to become involved in a bloodless revolution. The Russian revolution was bloody, Chinese revolution was bloody, French revolution was bloody, Cuban revolution was bloody, and there was nothing more bloody then the American Revolution. But '''today this country can become involved in a revolution that won't take bloodshed. All she's got to do is give the black man in this country everything that's due him, everything.''' </br> I hope that the white man can see this, 'cause if he don't see it, you're finished. If you don't see it you're going to become involved in some action in which you don't have a chance. And we don't care anything about your atomic bomb; it's useless because other countries have atomic bombs. When two or three different countries have atomic bombs, nobody can use them, so it means that the white man today is without a weapon. If you want some action, you gotta come on down to Earth. And there's more black people on Earth than there are white people on Earth. The white man can never win another war on the ground. His days of war, victory, his reign, his days of ground victory are over. * Today our people can see that we're faced with a government conspiracy. This government has failed us. The senators who are filibustering concerning your and my rights, that's the government. Don't say it's Southern senators. This is the government; this is a government filibuster. It's not a segregationist filibuster. It's a government filibuster. Any kind of activity that takes place on the floor of the Congress or the Senate, it's the government. Any kind of dillydallying, that's the government. Any kind of pussyfooting, that's the government. Any kind of act that's designed to delay or deprive you and me right now of getting full rights, that's the government that's responsible. And '''any time you find the government involved in a conspiracy to violate the citizenship or the civil rights of a people, then you are wasting your time going to that government expecting redress. Instead, you have to take that government to the World Court and accuse it of genocide and all of the other crimes that it is guilty of today.''' * So those of us whose political, and economic, and social philosophy is black nationalism have become involved in the civil rights struggle. We have injected ourselves into the civil rights struggle, and we intend to expand it from the level of civil rights to the level of human rights. '''As long as you're fighting on the level of civil rights, you're under Uncle Sam's jurisdiction. You're going to his court expecting him to correct the problem. He created the problem. He's the criminal. You don't take your case to the criminal; you take your criminal to court.''' * So our next move is to take the entire civil rights struggle problems into the United Nations, and let the world see that Uncle Sam is guilty of violating the human rights of 22 million Afro-Americans... </br> Uncle Sam . . . and still has the audacity or the nerve to stand up and represent himself as the leader of the free world. Not only is he a crook, he's a hypocrite. Here he is standing up in front of other people, Uncle Sam, with the blood of your and my mothers and fathers on his hands, with the blood dripping down his jaws like a bloody-jawed wolf, and still got the nerve to point his finger at other countries. You can't even get civil rights legislation. And this man has got the nerve to stand up and talk about South Africa, or talk about Nazi Germany, or talk about Deutschland. * It'll be the ballot or it'll be the bullet. '''It'll be liberty or it'll be death. And if you're not ready to pay that price don't use the word freedom in your vocabulary.''' ==== Malcolm X on Zionism (1964) ==== :<small>[http://www.malcolm-x.org/docs/gen_zion.htm Taken from the Egyptian Gazette (17 September 1964)]</small> * The modern 20th century weapon of neo-imperialism is "dollarism." The Zionists have mastered the science of dollarism: the ability to come posing as a friend and benefactor, bearing gifts and all other forms of economic aid and offers of technical assistance. Thus, the power and influence of Zionist Israel in many of the newly "independent" African nations has fast-become even more unshakeable than that of the 18th century European colonialists... and this new kind of Zionist colonialism differs only in form and method, but never in motive or objective. * Zionist Israel's occupation of Arab Palestine has forced the Arab world to waste billions of precious dollars on armaments, making it impossible for these newly independent Arab nations to concentrate on strengthening the economies of their countries and elevate the living standard of their people. * "They cripple the bird's wing, and then condemn it for not flying as fast as they." * Did the Zionists have the legal or moral right to invade Arab Palestine, uproot its Arab citizens from their homes and seize all Arab property for themselves just based on the "religious" claim that their forefathers lived there thousands of years ago? Only a thousand years ago the Moors lived in Spain. Would this give the Moors of today the legal and moral right to invade the Iberian Peninsula, drive out its Spanish citizens, and then set up a new Moroccan nation ... where Spain used to be, as the European zionists have done to our Arab brothers and sisters in Palestine?... ==== [[wikisource:Letter from Malcolm X|Text of a letter written following his Hajj]] (1964) ==== [[File:People dong Tawar of Khana Kaba, Makkah Mukarma - panoramio.jpg|thumb|Every one of the thousands at the airport, about to leave for [[W:Jeddah|Jeddah]], was [[W:Ihram clothing|dressed this way]]. You could be a king or a peasant and no one would know. Some powerful personages, who were discreetly pointed out to me, had on the same thing I had on. Once thus dressed, we all had begun intermittently calling out "Labbayka! (Allahumma) Labbayka!" (Here I come, O Lord!) Packed in the plane were white, black, brown, red, and yellow people, blue eyes and blond hair, and my kinky red hair -- all together, brothers! All honoring the same God, all in turn giving equal honor to each other. . . .]] [[File:As pilgrims prepare to return to their homes, Saudi authorities begin to prep for next year's Hajj - Flickr - Al Jazeera English.jpg|thumb|All ate as one, and slept as one. Everything about the pilgrimage atmosphere accented the Oneness of Man under One God.]] * The pilgrimage to [[Mecca]], known as the [[W:Hajj|Hajj]], is a religious obligation that every orthodox Muslim fulfills, if able, at least once in his or her lifetime. :The Holy Quran says it, "Pilgrimage to the House [of God built by the prophet Abraham] is a duty men owe to God; those who are able, make the journey." (3:97) : :Allah said: "And proclaim the pilgrimage among men; they will come to you on foot and upon each lean camel, they will come from every deep ravine" (22:27). : :Every one of the thousands at the airport, about to leave for [[W:Jeddah|Jeddah]], was [[W:Ihram clothing|dressed this way]]. You could be a king or a peasant and no one would know. Some powerful personages, who were discreetly pointed out to me, had on the same thing I had on. Once thus dressed, we all had begun intermittently calling out "Labbayka! (Allahumma) Labbayka!" (Here I come, O Lord!) Packed in the plane were white, black, brown, red, and yellow people, blue eyes and blond hair, and my kinky red hair -- all together, brothers! All honoring the same God, all in turn giving equal honor to each other. . . . : :That is when I first began to reappraise the "white man." It was when I first began to perceive that "white man," as commonly used, means complexion only secondarily; primarily it described attitudes and actions. In America,"white man" meant specific attitudes and actions toward the black man, and toward all other non-white men. But in the Muslim world, I had seen that men with white complexions were more genuinely brotherly than anyone else had ever been. That morning was the start of a radical alteration in my whole outlook about "white" men. *Each hour here in the Holy Land enables me to have greater spiritual insights into what is happening in America between black and white. The American Negro never can be blamed for his racial animosities -- he is only reacting to four hundred years of the conscious racism of the American whites. But as racism leads America up the suicide path I do believe, from the experiences that I have had with them, that the whites of the younger generation, in the colleges and universities, will see the handwriting on the wall and many of them will turn to the spiritual path of truth -- the only way left to America to ward off the disaster that racism inevitably must lead to. . . . :I believe that God now is giving the world's so-called '[[Christianity|Christian]]' white society its last opportunity to repent and atone for the crimes of exploiting and enslaving the world's non-white peoples. It is exactly as [[Book of Exodus|when God gave Pharaoh a chance to repent]]. But Pharaoh persisted in his refusal to give justice to those who he oppressed. And, we know, God finally destroyed Pharaoh. : :I will never forget the dinner at the Azzam home with Dr. Azzam. The more we talked, the more his vast reservoir of knowledge and its variety seemed unlimited. He spoke of the racial lineage of the descendants of [[Muhammad]] ([[W:Peace be upon him|PBUH]]) the Prophet, and he showed how they were both black and white. He also pointed out how color, and the problems of color which exist in the Muslim world, exist only where, and to the extent that, that area of the Muslim world has been influenced by the West. He said that if on encountered any differences based on attitude toward color, this directly reflected the degree of Western influence. * Never have I witnessed such sincere hospitality and the overwhelming spirit of true brotherhood as is practiced by people of all colors and races here in this ancient Holy Land, the House of Abraham, Muhammad, and all the other Prophets of the Holy Scriptures. For the past week, I have been utterly speechless and spellbound by the graciousness I see displayed all around me by people of all colors. . . . :You may be shocked by these words coming from me. But on this pilgrimage, what I have seen, and experienced, has forced me to rearrange much of my thought-patterns previously held, and to toss aside some of my previous conclusions. This was not too difficult for me. Despite my firm convictions, I have always been a man who tries to face facts, and to accept the reality of life as new experience and new knowledge unfolds it. I have always kept an open mind, which necessary to the flexibility that must go hand in hand with every form of intelligent search for truth. : :During the past eleven days here in the Muslim world, I have eaten from the same plate, drunk from the same glass, and slept in the same bed (or on the same rug) -- while praying to the same God -- with fellow Muslims, whose eyes were the bluest of blue, whose hair was the blondest of blond, and whose skin was the whitest of white. And in the words and in the actions and in the deeds of the "white" Muslims, I felt the same sincerity that I felt among the black African Muslims of [[Nigeria]], [[Sudan]], and [[Ghana]]. : :We were truly all the same (brothers) -- because their belief in [[Allah|one God]] had removed the "white" from their minds, the 'white' from their behavior, and the 'white' from their attitude. : :I could see from this, that perhaps if white Americans could accept the Oneness of God, then perhaps, too, they could accept in reality the Oneness of Man -- and cease to measure, and hinder, and harm others in terms of their "differences" in color. : :With racism plaguing America like an incurable cancer, the so-called "Christian" white American heart should be more receptive to a proven solution to such a destructive problem. Perhaps it could be in time to save America from imminent disaster -- the same destruction [[Nazism|brought upon Germany by racism]] that eventually [[World War II|destroyed the Germans themselves]]. : :They asked me what about the Hajj had impressed me the most. . . . I said, "The brotherhood! The people of all races, color, from all over the world coming to gether as one! It has proved to me the power of the One God. . . . All ate as one, and slept as one. Everything about the pilgrimage atmosphere accented the Oneness of Man under One God. * At one or another college or university, usually in the informal gatherings after I had spoken, perhaps a dozen generally white-complexioned people would come up to me, identifying themselves as Arabian, Middle Eastern or North African Muslims who happened to be visiting, studying, or living in the United States. They had said to me that, my white-indicting statements notwithstanding, they felt I was sincere in considering myself a Muslim -- and they felt if I was exposed to what they always called "true Islam," I would "understand it, and embrace it." Automatically, as a follower of Elijah, I had bridled whenever this was said. But in the privacy of my own thoughts after several of these experiences, I did question myself: if one was sincere in professing a religion, why should he balk at broadening his knowledge of that religion? :Those orthodox Muslims whom I had met, one after another, had urged me to meet and talk with a Dr. Mahmoud Youssef Shawarbi. . . . Then one day Dr. Shawarbi and I were introduced by a newspaperman. He was cordial. He said he had followed me in the press; I said I had been told of him, and we talked for fifteen or twenty minutes. We both had to leave to make appointments we had, when he dropped on me something whose logic never would get out of my head. He said, "No man has believed perfectly until he wishes for his brother what he wishes for himself." :* As featured in [http://www.colostate.edu/Orgs/MSA/find_more/m_x.html ''The Autobiography of Malcolm X''] as told to Alex Haley and cited in ''Malcolm X: Why I Embraced Islam'' by Yusuf Siddiqui. ===1965=== * '''The press is so powerful in its image-making role, it can make the criminal look like he's a the victim and make the victim look like he's the criminal.''' This is the press, an irresponsible press. It will make the criminal look like he's the victim and make the victim look like he's the criminal. '''If you aren't careful, the newspapers will have you hating the people who are being oppressed and loving the people who are doing the oppressing.''' <br /> If you aren't careful, because I've seen some of you caught in that bag, you run away hating yourself and loving the man — while you're catching hell from the man. You let the man maneuver you into thinking that it's wrong to fight him when he's fighting you. He's fighting you in the morning, fighting you in the noon, fighting you at night and fighting you all in between, and you still think it's wrong to fight him back. Why? The press. The newspapers make you look wrong. ** Speech at the Audubon Ballroom in Harlem (13 December 1964), later published in ''Malcolm X Speaks: Selected Speeches and Statements'' (1965), edited by George Breitman, p. 93 * I say again that I'm not a racist, I don't believe in any form of segregation or anything like that. I'm for the brotherhood of everybody, but I don't believe in forcing brotherhood upon people who don't want it. Long as we practice brotherhood among ourselves, and then others who want to practice brotherhood with us, we practice it with them also, we're for that. But I don't think that we should run around trying to love somebody who doesn't love us. ** [https://www.icit-digital.org/articles/malcolm-x-s-speech-after-the-firebombing-feb-14-1965 Speech at the Ford Auditorium in Detroit] (February 14, 1965) ==== ''[[w:The Autobiography of Malcolm X|The Autobiography of Malcolm X]]'' (1965) ==== [[File:Islam Peace.svg|thumb|Since I learned the truth in Mecca, my dearest [[friends]] have come to include all kinds — some [[Christians]], [[Jews]], [[Buddhists]], [[Hindus]], [[agnostics]], and even [[atheists]]! I have friends who are called [[capitalists]], [[Socialists]], and [[Communists]]! Some of my friends are moderates, conservatives, extremists — some are even Uncle Toms! My friends today are black, brown, red, yellow, and white!]] [[File:LuMaxArt_Golden_Family_With_World_Religions.jpg|thumb|I'm for [[truth]], no matter who tells it. I'm for [[justice]], no matter who it's for or against. I'm a [[human]] being first and foremost, and as such I am for whoever and whatever benefits [[humanity]] as a whole.]] [[File:Delphine, Madame de Staël, Paris, 1803 04.jpg|thumb|People don't realize how a man's whole life can be changed by one book.]] * I have no mercy or compassion in me for a society that will crush people, and then penalize them for not being able to stand up under the weight. ** p. 22 * You trust them (white Americans), and I don't. You studied what he wanted you to learn about him in schools. I studied him in the streets and in prison, where you see the truth. * The next day I was in my car driving along the freeway when at a red light another car pulled alongside. A white woman was driving and on the passenger's side, next to me, was a white man. "''Malcolm X''!" he called out-and when I looked, he stuck his hand out of his car, across at me, grinning. "Do you mind shaking hands with a white man?" Imagine that! Just as the traffic light turned green, I told him, "I don't mind shaking hands with human beings. Are you one?" ** p. 418 * '''They call me "a teacher, a fomenter of violence." I would say point blank, "That is a lie. I'm not for wanton violence, I'm for justice."''' I feel that if white people were attacked by Negroes — if the forces of law prove unable, or inadequate, or reluctant to protect those whites from those Negroes — then those white people should protect and defend themselves from those Negroes, using arms if necessary. And I feel that when the law fails to protect Negroes from whites' attacks, then those Negroes should use arms if necessary to defend themselves. "Malcolm X advocates armed Negroes!" What was wrong with that? I'll tell you what's wrong. I was a black man talking about physical defense against the white man. The white man can lynch and burn and bomb and beat Negroes — that's all right: "Have patience"..."The customs are entrenched"..."Things will get better." * To me the earth's most explosive and pernicious [[evil]] is [[racism]], the inability of [[God]]'s creatures to live as One, especially in the Western world. * I told the Englishman that '''my alma mater was books, a good library.''' Every time I catch a plane, I have with me a book that I want to read—and that's a lot of books these days. If I weren't out here every day battling the white man, '''I could spend the rest of my life reading, just satisfying my curiosity'''—because you can hardly mention anything I'm not curious about. ** [http://www.uri.edu/library/inscriptions/almamater.html Chapter 11, paragraph 59] * Any time you see someone more [[successful]] than you are, they are doing something you aren't. * '''Since I learned the truth in Mecca, my dearest [[friends]] have come to include all kinds — some [[Christians]], [[Jews]], [[Buddhists]], [[Hindus]], [[agnostics]], and even [[atheists]]! I have friends who are called [[capitalists]], [[Socialists]], and [[Communists]]! Some of my friends are moderates, conservatives, extremists — some are even Uncle Toms! My friends today are black, brown, red, yellow, and white!''' ** p. 375 * '''The only true [[world]] solution today is [[governments]] guided by true religion — of the [[spirit]].''' * I've had enough of someone else's [[propaganda]]. '''I'm for [[truth]], no matter who tells it. I'm for [[justice]], no matter who it's for or against. I'm a [[human]] being first and foremost, and as such I am for whoever and whatever benefits [[humanity]] as a whole.''' ** p. 400 * '''People don't realize how a man's whole life can be changed by one book.''' ** p. 400 * The young whites, and blacks, too, are the only hope that America has, the rest of us have always been living in a lie. ** Quoted by Alex Haley, after a college campus speech, in the epilogue to ''The Autobiography''. ==== ''Malcolm X Speaks'' (1965) ==== :<small> ''Malcolm X Speaks: Selected Speeches and Statements'' (1965) edited by George Breitman <!-- initial postings used the Grove Press (1990) edition --></small> [[File:Naked Truth.jpg|thumb|right|[[Time]] is on the side of the oppressed today, it's against the oppressor. [[Truth]] is on the side of the oppressed today, it's against the oppressor. You don't [[need]] anything else.]] [[File:Eugène Delacroix - Le 28 Juillet. La Liberté guidant le peuple.jpg|thumb|You can't separate [[peace]] from [[freedom]], because no one can be at peace unless he has his freedom.]] * You can't separate [[peace]] from [[freedom]], because no one can be at peace unless he has his freedom. ** Speech in New York City (7 January 1965) * We are in a society where the power is in the hands of those who are the worst breed of humanity. ** Speech in Rochester, New York (16 February 1965) * If [[violence]] is wrong in America, violence is wrong abroad. If it's wrong to be violent defending black women and black children and black babies and black men, then it's wrong for America to draft us and make us violent abroad in defense of her. And if it is right for America to draft us, and teach us how to be violent in defense of her, then it is right for you and me to do whatever is necessary to defend our own people right here in this country. ** p. 8 * The field Negro was beaten from morning to night; he lived in a shack, in a hut; he wore old, castoff clothes. He hated his master. I say he hated his master. He was intelligent. That house Negro loved his master, but that field Negro — remember, they were in the majority, and they hated the master. When the house caught on fire, he didn't try to put it out; that field Negro prayed for a wind, for a breeze. When the master got sick, the field Negro prayed that he'd die. If someone came to the field Negro and said, "Let's separate, let's run," he didn't say, "Where we going?" He'd say, "Any place is better than here." ** Speech (9 November 1963). p. 11. * Be peaceful, be courteous, obey the law, respect everyone; but if someone puts his hand on you, send him to the cemetery. ** p. 12 * The political philosophy of black nationalism means: we must control the politics and the politicians of our community. ** p. 21 * The problem facing our people here in America is bigger than all other personal or organizational differences. Therefore as leaders, we must stop worrying about the threat we seem to think we pose to each other's personal prestige; and concentrate our united efforts towards solving the unending hurt that is being done daily to our people here in America. ** p. 21 * Concerning non-violence: it is criminal to teach a man not to defend himself when he is the constant victim of brutal attacks. ** p. 22 * '''Usually, when people are sad, they don't do anything. They just cry over their condition. But when they get angry, they bring about a change.''' When they get angry, they aren't interested in logic, aren't interested in odds, aren't interested in consequences. When they get angry, they realize the condition that they're in- that their suffering is unjust... and that anything they do to correct it... they're justified. ** [http://books.google.de/books?id=b3HZAAAAMAAJ&q=Usually,+when+people+are+sad,+they+don%E2%80%99t+do+anything.+They+just+cry+over+their+condition.+But+when+they+get+angry,+they+bring+about+a+change.+When+they+get+angry,+they+aren't+interested+in+logic,+aren't+interested+in+odds,+aren't+interested+in+consequences.+When+they+get+angry,+they+realize+the+condition+that+they%E2%80%99re+in-+that+their+suffering+is+unjust%E2%80%A6+and+that+anything+they+do+to+correct+it%E2%80%A6+they%E2%80%99re+justified.&dq=Usually,+when+people+are+sad,+they+don%E2%80%99t+do+anything.+They+just+cry+over+their+condition.+But+when+they+get+angry,+they+bring+about+a+change.+When+they+get+angry,+they+aren't+interested+in+logic,+aren't+interested+in+odds,+aren't+interested+in+consequences.+When+they+get+angry,+they+realize+the+condition+that+they%E2%80%99re+in-+that+their+suffering+is+unjust%E2%80%A6+and+that+anything+they+do+to+correct+it%E2%80%A6+they%E2%80%99re+justified.&hl=de&sa=X&ei=HQCgT_3SEoPysgaaquWpAQ&ved=0CDoQ6AEwAg p. 107] * Nobody can give you freedom. Nobody can give you equality or justice or anything. If you're a man, you take it. ** p. 111 * '''Power in defense of freedom is greater than power in behalf of tyranny and oppression.''' ** p. 158 * In Asia or the Arab world or in Africa, where the Muslims are, if you find one who says he's white, all he's doing is using an adjective to describe something that is incidental about him.... There is nothing else to it. He's just white. But when you get the white man over here in America and he says he's white, he means something else. You can listen to the sound of his voice when he says he's white. He means he's boss. ** p. 163 * '''Usually the black racist has been produced by the white racist.''' In most cases where you see it, it is the reaction to white [[racism]], and if you analyze it closely, it's not really black racism... If we react to white racism with a violent reaction, to me that's not black racism. If you come to put a rope around my neck and I hang you for it, to me that's not racism. Yours is racism, but my reaction has nothing to do with racism... ** "On the difference between white racism and black racism," Harvard Law School Forum. December 16, 1964, p. 195-96 * It is impossible for [[capitalism]] to survive, primarily because the [[system]] of capitalism needs some [[blood]] to suck. Capitalism used to be like an [[eagle]], but now it's more like a [[vulture]]. It used to be strong enough to go and suck anybody's blood whether they were strong or not. But now it has become more cowardly, like the vulture, and it can only suck the blood of the helpless. As the nations of the world free themselves, capitalism has less victims, less to suck, and it becomes weaker and weaker. It's only a matter of time in my opinion before it will collapse completely.... ** March 1965, p. 199 * I do believe that there will be a clash between East and West. I believe that there will be a clash between those who want [[freedom]], [[justice]] and [[equality]] for everyone and those who want to continue the [[systems]] of exploitation. I believe that there will be that kind of clash, but I don't think that it will be based upon the color of the skin.... **January 1965, p. 216 * You put the government on the spot when you even mention [[Vietnam]]. They feel embarrassed — you notice that?... It's just a trap that they let themselves get into. ... But they're trapped, they can't get out. You notice I said 'they.' ''They'' are trapped, ''They'' can't get out. If they pour more men in, they'll get deeper. If they pull the men out, it's a defeat. And they should have known that in the first place. France had about 200,000 Frenchmen over there, and the most highly mechanized modern army sitting on this earth. And those little rice farmers ate them up, and their tanks, and everything else. Yes, they did, and France was deeply entrenched, had been there a hundred or more years. Now, if she couldn't stay there and was entrenched, why, you are out of your mind if you think Sam can get in over there. But we're not supposed to say that. If we say that, we're anti-American, or we're seditious, or we're subversive.... They put Diem over there. Diem took all their money, all their war equipment and everything else, and got them trapped. Then they killed him. Yes, they killed him, murdered him in cold blood, him and his brother, Madame Nhu's husband, because they were embarrassed. They found out that they had made him strong and he was turning against them.... You know, when the puppet starts talking back to the puppeteer, the puppeteer is in bad shape.... ** January 1965, p. 217 * It's impossible for a white person to believe in [[capitalism]] and not believe in [[racism]]. You can't have capitalism without racism. ** May 29, 1964 * There is nothing in our book, the ''[[Qur'an]]'', that teaches us to suffer peacefully. Our religion teaches us to be intelligent. Be peaceful, be courteous, obey the law, respect everyone; but if someone lays a hand on you, send him to the cemetery. That's a good religion. ** November 10, 1963 ** This was said before Malcolm X left the Nation of Islam and as he himself stated, before he truly understood Islam. * '''Power never takes a back step — only in the face of more power.''' * Sitting at the table doesn't make you a diner, unless you eat some of what's on that plate. Being here in America doesn't make you an American. Being born here in America doesn't make you an American. * '''[[Time]] is on the side of the oppressed today, it's against the oppressor. [[Truth]] is on the side of the oppressed today, it's against the oppressor. You don't [[need]] anything else.''' * Usually when people are sad, they don't do anything. They just cry over their condition. But when they get angry, they bring about a change. * If you're afraid of black nationalism, you're afraid of revolution. And if you love revolution, you love black nationalism. To understand this, you have to go back to what the young brother here referred to as the house Negro and the field Negro back during slavery. There were two kinds of slaves, the house Negro and the field Negro. The house Negroes — they lived in the house with master, they dressed pretty good, they ate good because they ate his food — what he left. They lived in the attic or the basement, but still they lived near the master; and they loved the master more than the master loved himself. They would give their life to save the master's house — quicker than the master would. If the master said, "We got a good house here," the house Negro would say, "Yeah, we got a good house here." Whenever the master said "we," he said "we." That's how you can tell a house Negro. * If the master's house caught on fire, the house Negro would fight harder to put the blaze out than the master would. If the master got sick, the house Negro would say, "What's the matter, boss, we sick?" We sick! He identified himself with his master, more than his master identified with himself. And if you came to the house Negro and said, "Let's run away, let's escape, let's separate," the house Negro would look at you and say, "Man, you crazy. What you mean, separate? Where is there a better house than this? Where can I wear better clothes than this? Where can I eat better food than this?" That was that house Negro. In those days he was called a "house nigger." And that's what we call them today, because we've still got some house niggers running around here. * This modern house Negro loves his master. He wants to live near him. He'll pay three times as much as the house is worth just to live near his master, and then brag about "I'm the only Negro out here." "I'm the only one on my job." "I'm the only one in this school." You're nothing but a house Negro. And if someone comes to you right now and says, "Let's separate," you say the same thing that the house Negro said on the plantation. "What you mean, separate? From America, this good white man? Where you going to get a better job than you get here?" I mean, this is what you say. "I ain't left nothing in Africa," that's what you say. Why, you left your mind in Africa. * On that same plantation, there was the field Negro. The field Negroes — those were the masses. There were always more Negroes in the field than there were Negroes in the house. The Negro in the field caught hell. He ate leftovers. In the house they ate high up on the hog. The Negro in the field didn't get anything but what was left of the insides of the hog. ===''By Any Means Necessary'' (1970)=== ::<small>''By Any Means Necessary: Speeches, Interviews, and a Letter'' </small> [[File:The Autobiography of Malcolm X in the White House library.jpg|thumb|right|[[Education]] is our passport to the [[future]], for tomorrow belongs only to the [[people]] who prepare for it today.]] [[File:Malcolm X NYWTS 4.jpg|thumb|right|Armed with the [[knowledge]] of our [[past]], we can with [[confidence]] charter a course for our [[future]].]] * We have formed an organization known as the Organization of Afro-American Unity which has the same aim and objective to fight whoever gets in our way, to bring about the complete independence of people of African descent here in the Western Hemisphere, and first here in the United States, and bring about the freedom of these people [[w:by any means necessary|by any means necessary]]. <br> That's our motto. '''We want freedom by any means necessary. We want justice by any means necessary. We want equality by any means necessary.''' ** [http://www.blackpast.org/?q=1964-malcolm-x-s-speech-founding-rally-organization-afro-american-unity Speech at Founding Rally of the Organization of Afro-American Unity (28 June 1964)] ** Variant: '''We want one thing: We declare our right on this earth to be a man, to be a human being, to be respected as a human being, to be given the rights of a human being in this society, on this earth, in this day, which we intend to bring into existence by any means necessary.''' *** As quoted in ''By Any Means Necessary'' (1970) * '''Education is an important element in the struggle for human rights. It is the means to help our children and our people rediscover their identity and thereby increase their self respect. Education is our passport to the future, for tomorrow belongs only to the people who prepare for it today.''' ** Speech at Founding Rally of the Organization of Afro-American Unity (28 June 1964), as quoted in ''By Any Means Necessary'' (1970) * '''Armed with the knowledge of our past, we can with confidence charter a course for our future.''' Culture is an indispensable weapon in the freedom struggle. '''We must''' take hold of it and '''forge the future with the past.''' ** Speech at Founding Rally of the Organization of Afro-American Unity (28 June 1964), as quoted in ''By Any Means Necessary'' (1970) * '''How can anyone be against [[love]]?''' * '''I believe in a [[religion]] that believes in [[freedom]].''' Any time I have to accept a religion that won't let me fight a battle for my [[people]], I say to hell with that religion. * '''I am not a racist. I am against every form of racism and segregation, every form of discrimination.''' I believe in human beings, and that all human beings should be respected as such, regardless of their color. * I for one will join with anyone&mdash;I don't care what color you are&mdash;as long as you want to change the miserable condition that exists on this earth. ** p. 88 ===Date unverified=== * '''[[Ignorance]] of each other is what has made [[unity]] impossible in the past. Therefore we need [[enlightenment]]. We need more light about each other. [[Light]] creates [[understanding]], understanding creates [[love]], love creates [[patience]], and patience creates [[unity]]. Once we have more knowledge (light) about each other, we will stop condemning each other and a United front will be brought about.''' ** [http://books.google.de/books?id=43NsDThPEzgC&q=We+need+more+light+about+each+other.+Light,+creates+understanding,+understanding+creates+love,+love+creates+patience,+and+patience+creates+unity.+Once+we+have+more+knowledge+(light)+about+each+other,+we+will+stop+condemning+each+other+and+a+United+front+will+be+brought+about&dq=We+need+more+light+about+each+other.+Light,+creates+understanding,+understanding+creates+love,+love+creates+patience,+and+patience+creates+unity.+Once+we+have+more+knowledge+(light)+about+each+other,+we+will+stop+condemning+each+other+and+a+United+front+will+be+brought+about&hl=de&sa=X&ei=RhSgT_XXCsHVtAaW_sGlAQ&ved=0CDIQ6AEwAA ''Malcolm X: The Man and his Times''], edited by John Henrik Clarke and published by Africa World Press in 1990, p. 304 * If [[Martin Luther King]], [[w:Roy Wilkins|Roy Wilkins]] or any of these compromising Negros who say exactly what the white man wants to hear is interviewed anywhere in the country you don't get anybody to offset what they say. But whenever a black man stands up and says something that white people don't like then the first thing that man does is run around to try and find somebody to say something to offset what has just been said. This is natural but it is done. **[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gjIX4QMIiOw TV Interview] [date needed], also quoted in ''Ice Cube: Attitude'' (2002) by Joel McIver, p. 177 * If I take the wages of everyone here, individually it means nothing, but collectively all of the earning power or wages that you earned in one week would make me wealthy. And if I could collect it for a year, I'd be rich beyond dreams. Now, when you see this, and then you stop and consider the wages that were kept back from millions of Black people, not for one year but for 310 years, you'll see how this country got so rich so fast. And what made the economy as strong as it is today. And all that slave labor that was amassed in unpaid wages, is due someone today. And you're not giving us anything when we say that it's time to collect. ** "Twenty million black people in prison," in ''Malcolm X: The Last Speeches'', p. 51 ==Attributed== [[File:Supplicating Pilgrim at Masjid Al Haram. Mecca, Saudi Arabia.jpg|thumb|In the past, yes, I have made sweeping indictments of all white people. I will never be [[guilty]] of that again — as I know now that some white people are truly sincere, that some truly are capable of being brotherly toward a black man. The true [[Islam]] has shown me that a blanket indictment of all white people is as wrong as when whites make blanket indictments against blacks.]] * '''If you're not ready to [[die]] for it, take the word "[[freedom]]" out of your vocabulary.''' ** ''Chicago Defender'' (28 November 1962). * America has a very serious problem. Not only does America have a very serious problem, but our people have a very serious problem. America's problem is us. We're her problem. The only reason she has a problem is she doesn't want us here. ** Statement in Detroit, Michigan (10 November 1963). * '''I believe in the [[brotherhood]] of man, all men, but I don't believe in brotherhood with anybody who doesn't want brotherhood with me. I believe in treating people right, but I'm not going to waste my time trying to treat somebody right who doesn't know how to return the treatment.''' ** Speech, New York City (12 December 1964). * '''I believe in recognizing every human being as a human being, neither white, black, brown nor red.''' When you are dealing with [[humanity]] as one family, there's no question of integration or intermarriage. It's just one human being marrying another human being, or one human being living around and with another human being. ** [http://www.malcolm-x.org/docs/int_pbert.htm Interview] for the Pierre Berton Show. Toronto, Ontario, (19 January 1965) *This is to warn you that I am no longer held in check from fighting white supremacists by [[w:Elijah Muhammad|Elijah Muhammad]]'s separatist Black Muslim movement, and that if your present racist agitation against our people there in Alabama causes physical harm to [[Reverend King]] or any other black Americans who are only attempting to enjoy their rights as free human beings, that you and your Ku Klux Klan friends will be met with maximum physical retaliation from those of us who are not hand-cuffed by the disarming [[philosophy]] of nonviolence, and who believe in asserting our right of self-defense — by any means [[necessary]]. ** Telegram sent to [[w:George Lincoln Rockwell|George Lincoln Rockwell]], leader of the [[w:American Nazi Party|American Nazi Party]], during Rockwell's "Hate Bus" tour of the Southern US States, 1965. Quoted in an interview on January 24, 1965 and printed in Malcolm X and George Breitman, ''Malcolm X Speaks: selected speeches and statements,'' (New York: Grove Press, 1990) 201. * '''It is a time for martyrs now, and if I am to be one, it will be for the cause of [[brotherhood]]. That's the only thing that can save this [[country]].''' ** Speech in New York City (19 February 1965), two days before he was assassinated. * If a dog is biting a black man, the black man should kill the dog, whether the dog is a police dog or a hound dog or any kind of dog. If a dog is fixed on a black man when that black man is doing nothing but trying to take advantage of what the government says is supposed to be his, then that black man should kill that dog or any two-legged dog who sets the dog on him. ** "[http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/amex/malcolmx/filmmore/pt.html Malcolm X: Make It Plain]," from ''The American Experience,'' season 6, episode 6, ''PBS'' (first aired 26 January 1994) * '''In the past, yes, I have made sweeping indictments of all white people. I will never be [[guilty]] of that again — as I know now that some white people are truly sincere, that some truly are capable of being brotherly toward a black man.''' The true [[Islam]] has shown me that a blanket indictment of all white people is as wrong as when whites make blanket indictments against blacks. ** As quoted in ''Malcolm X: The Seeker of Justice'' (2003); also quoted at [http://www.colostate.edu/Orgs/MSA/find_more/m_x.html "Malcolm X - An Islamic Perspective"] * [[Allah]] has blessed us. He has destroyed twenty-two of our enemies. ** Quoted in Julius Lester, "Look Out, Whitey!" New York: Dial Press, 1968. p. 138. * You're not to be so blind with [[patriotism]] that you can't face [[reality]]. '''[[Wrong]] is wrong, no matter who does it or says it.''' ** Quoted by William B. Whitman, ''The Quotable Politician'' p. 197. * I want Dr. King to know that I didn't come to Selma to make his job difficult. I really did come thinking I could make it easier. If the white people realize what the alternative is, perhaps they will be more willing to hear Dr. King. ** Malcolm X, in conversation with [[Coretta Scott King]] (February 1965), as quoted in ''My life with MLK, Jr.'' (1969), page 256 * Don't be in such a hurry to condemn a person because he doesn't do what you do, or think as you think or as fast. There was a time when you didn't know what you know today. ** Quoted by [[Maya Angelou]] (quote reproduced in James L. Conyers, Andrew P. Smallwood, ''Malcolm X: A Historical Reader'', Carolina Academic Press, 2008, p. 181 and Elaine Slivinski Lisandrelli, ''Maya Angelou: More than a poet'', Enslow Publishers, 1996, p. 90) *MALCOLM X: Freedom, justice and equality are our principal ambitions. And to faithfully serve and follow the Honorable Elijah Muhammad is the guiding goal of every Muslim. Mr. Muhammad teaches us the knowledge of our own selves, and of our own people. He cleans us up--morally, mentally and spiritually--and he reforms us of the vices that have blinded us here in the Western society. He stops black men from getting drunk, stops their dope addiction if they had it, stops nicotine, gambling, stealing, lying, cheating, fornication, adultery, prostitution, juvenile delinquency. I think of this whenever somebody talks about someone investigating us. Why investigate the Honorable Elijah Muhammad? They should subsidize him. He's cleaning up the mess that white men have made. He's saving the Government millions of dollars, taking black men off of welfare, showing them how to do something for themselves. And Mr. Muhammad teaches us love for our own kind. The white man has taught the black people in this country to hate themselves as inferior, to hate each other, to be divided against each other. Messenger Muhammad restores our love for our own kind, which enables us to work together in unity and harmony. He shows us how to pool our financial resources and our talents, then to work together toward a common objective. Among other things, we have small businesses in most major cities in this country, and we want to create many more. We are taught by Mr. Muhammad that it is very important to improve the black man's economy, and his thrift. But to do this, we must have land of our own. The brainwashed black man can never learn to stand on his own two feet until he is on his own. We must learn to become our own producers, manufacturers and traders; we must have industry of our own, to employ our own. The white man resists this because he wants to keep the black man under his thumb and jurisdiction in white society. He wants to keep the black man always dependent and begging--for jobs, food, clothes, shelter, education. The white man doesn't want to lose somebody to be supreme over. He wants to keep the black man where he can be '''watched and retarded'''. Mr. Muhammad teaches that as soon as we separate from the white man, we will learn that we can do without the white man just as he can do without us. The white man knows that once black men get off to themselves and learn they can do for themselves, the black man's full potential will explode and he will surpass the white man. **Playboy interview, regarding the ambition of the Black Muslims ==Quotes about Malcolm X== [[File:Civil Rights March on Washington, D.C. (Actor Ossie Davis.) - NARA - 542018.jpg|thumb|Did you ever really [[listen]] to him? Did he ever do a mean thing? Was he ever himself associated with [[violence]] or any public disturbance? For if you did you would [[know]] him. And if you knew him you would know why we must [[honor]] him. ~ [[w:Ossie Davis|Ossie Davis]] ]] [[File:Noi flag 2.svg|thumb|Such a man as Malcolm is worthy of [[death]]. ~ [[Louis Farrakhan|Louis X (Louis Farrakhan)]] ]] *Anyone who opposes the Honorable Elijah Muhammad puts their life in jeopardy. **[[w:John Ali|John Ali]], as quoted in (1992). [https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Special:BookSources/9781560250494 ''The Judas Factor: The Plot to Kill Malcolm X''] (1992), by Karl Evanzz, New York: Thunder's Mouth Press, p. 248. *"I came back to the States, expecting to work with Malcolm X. I got back on a Friday and Malcolm was killed on Sunday. I had talked him on the phone the day before. On Sunday a friend phoned me and said, 'Maya, why did you come back to this country? These people are crazy.' And I said, 'Yes, I know.' She said, 'Otherwise, why would they have killed that man?' I hung up the phone, because I knew it was Malcolm, and I couldn't speak. "After that, I decided to have nothing to do with politics, directly." **1974 interview in ''Conversations with [[Maya Angelou]]'' (1989) *He certainly changed. And it was wonderful to see it and to be a part of the time in which one could see that kind of growth, and to know it is possible, is encouraging as well. I look at some of the men of the time and think of how they grew **1988 interview in ''Conversations with [[Maya Angelou]]'' (1989) *I believe this is why Malcolm was killed. When Malcolm said, 'I no longer believe that by nature a person is born evil. I have seen blue-eyed, blond-haired men who I can call brother with a straight face and an open heart.' The minute he said that, he had to be done. If he had kept narrow, he would have remained, you know? **1988 interview in ''Conversations with [[Maya Angelou]]'' (1989) *If we criticize ourselves, then that begins to change things. I think groups that deal in power become impatient with groups who are strangers to power. I think even in individuals you can see this. A good example is Malcolm X. (I am reading his autobiography now.) When he talks about Uncle Toms, he puts it clearly. He's saying that these guys will go to work for the devil white man. He's saying a lot more (he doesn't make it clear but I'm sure this is his thinking), that the Negro thinks that if he gets ahead he is going to be getting his people ahead. Malcolm X knew about power although he didn't put it in those words. (Interviewer: Malcolm X had a tremendous effect on black organizers.) He knew what he was doing. They understood him, and they didn't understand the others. But he had a good base; he came right from the gutter so he wasn't compromised. The guys who don't come from the gutter have to compromise because they're going to school, they're getting a job, they're working for the government, all these little compromises which, by the time you get to be a leader, have got your hands tied up. You organize for power so that you can get something. You organize so that you can build power to do something with it, and so, when you look back, you've got to see some people out there doing something. What I'm trying to say is you can't organize by just speaking. The civil rights movement's biggest drawback is that they don't have a group that pays its own way. They don't have a membership group. This is the kind of power that is needed. Malcolm X was an organizer, but Stokely Carmichael is entirely different. I don't see any building. The approach that Malcolm X used was the house meeting. He was doing those things that we know pay: being patient and just accumulating, committing people and so forth. He's gone, but his spirit continues. **[[Cesar Chavez]] 1971 interview, anthologized in ''An Organizer’s Tale'' (2008) * '''If a man like [[w:Malcolm X|Malcolm X]] could change and repudiate [[Bigotry|racism]], if I myself and other former [[Islam|Muslims]] can change, if young whites can change, then there is [[hope]] for [[United States|America]].''' ** [[Eldridge Cleaver]], as quoted in ''[[w:Soul on Ice|Soul on Ice]]'' (1968), Part II: "The White Race and Its Heroes". *I heard Malcolm X speak when I was a student at Brandeis University, and it was one of the most enlightening moments of my life. I was attending a university which was predominately white. As a matter of fact, I had spent two years in a high school that was predominantly white. And I had come to feel very alienated in a way that I could not even articulate myself, because we had not yet developed the language that allowed us to talk about the way racism functions in those kinds of unspoken situations. So that I had been attending this university, doing well and feeling OK. But, at the same time, feeling very alienated, feeling OK in my academic life but feeling very alienated. Because I didn't see myself anywhere. I didn't see myself in the courses that I taught. I didn't see myself in the faculty members. I didn't see myself in the students. And so when Malcolm came and spoke and affirmed what it was to be Black and talked about the quest for Black equality in a very passionate and militant way, it made me feel good. It made me feel OK. It made me feel that as a human being I was as important as were all of the white people sitting around me. As a matter of fact, at that particular time, Malcolm spoke to the white audience, and in a very-I would say-negative kind of way. He spoke, he astonished the largely white audience, because he called them all kinds of names and ran down the list of their historical crimes. And you know, while I wonder what good evoking guilt really does in terms of creating the right kind of basis for, of a movement, I can say, at that time, it made me feel good, because he said a lot of the things that I probably would have wanted to say if only if I had been in possession of the language that would have allowed me to say them at that time…the response of the predominantly white audience, at that address given by Malcolm X was utter shock, as a matter of fact. They applauded very amply after he spoke, but I think that they simply could not deal with the fact that here was a Black man that had the courage to stand up and not, you know, only criticize the system of racism but talked about white people and the historical crimes for which they are responsible in a way they had never heard before. I don't think they took him as serious as he should have been taken. Because at that particular time he was not seen as the spokesperson for a movement that would be able to make good on the words that were coming across during that speech. But I think that later on they probably recognized, as I did, that what Malcolm was doing was representing patterns of political thought that would later become accepted by large numbers of people in this country and would mark the beginning of an entirely new approach to the movement for Black liberation in this country. **1989 interview in ''Conversations with [[Angela Davis]]'' Edited by Sharon Lynette Jones (2021) * '''Nobody knew better than he the power [[words]] have over [[minds]] of men. Malcolm had stopped being a "Negro" years ago. It had become too small, too puny, too weak a word for him. Malcolm was bigger than that. Malcolm had become an Afro-American and he wanted — so desperately — that we, that all his people, would become Afro-Americans too.'''<br /> There are those who will consider it their duty, as friends of the Negro people, to tell us to revile him, to flee, even from the presence of his memory, to save ourselves by writing him out of the history of our turbulent times. Many will ask what Harlem finds to honor in this stormy, controversial and bold young captain — and we will smile. Many will say turn away — ​away from this man, for he is not a man but a demon, a monster, a subverter and an enemy of the black man —​ and we will smile. They will say that he is of hate — a fanatic, a racist —​ who can only bring evil to the cause for which you struggle! And we will answer and say to them: Did you ever talk to Brother Malcolm? Did you ever touch him, or have him smile at you? '''Did you ever really [[listen]] to him? Did he ever do a mean thing? Was he ever himself associated with [[violence]] or any public disturbance? For if you did you would [[know]] him. And if you knew him you would know why we must [[honor]] him.'''<br /> '''Malcolm was our manhood, our living, black manhood!''' This was his meaning to his people. And, in honoring him, we honor the best in ourselves. Last year, from Africa, he wrote these words to a friend: "My journey", he says, "is almost ended, and I have a much broader scope than when I started out, which I believe will add new life and dimension to our struggle for freedom and honor and dignity in the [[United States|States]]. I am writing these things so that you will know for a fact the tremendous sympathy and support we have among the African States for our Human Rights struggle. The main thing is that we keep a United Front wherein our most valuable time and energy will not be wasted fighting each other." '''However we may have differed with him — or with each other about him and his value as a man — let his going from us serve only to bring us together, now.''' ** [[w:Ossie Davis|Ossie Davis]], in his [http://www.malcolmx.com/about/eulogy.html eulogy at his funeral in the Faith Temple Church Of God, Harlem, New York (27 February 1965)] *I was unprepared for the emotional effect that Malcolm X, and the setting itself, would have on me... At first, he seemed like a pastor, and I expected him to speak about god. But Malcolm did not talk about god at all. What he said changed my worldview. Malcolm pointed out that many well-meaning Americans believed in integration and that many had even risked their lives for that cause. He agreed that segregation laws should be struck down. However, he challenged the idea of integration through racial mixture, which would dilute blackness until Africans no longer existed as such. Malcolm called such a process "genocide," and claimed that the American system wanted to get rid of Africans by melting them down. He said that Africans were here to stay, and to exist as a people and a nation, not as separate individuals taking their place in the American melting pot and giving themselves over to the American dream, a dream that he said was in truth a nightmare. He said that Africans in the United States would determine their own future and would do so "by any means necessary." He said that the European was a blue-eyed white devil bent on destroying the African nation and that the African people would fight to the death to defend their right to be a people and to live as a nation. He spoke for an hour with no notes and few gestures in a modulated voice that was never raised in anger. He ended his speech and immediately left the room with a bodyguard in front and behind him. The students filed out, speaking quietly among themselves. I sat on the windowsill almost in a daze. The message was different from anything I'd ever heard. **[[Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz]] Outlaw Woman: A Memoir of the War Years 1960-1975 (2002) * When Malcolm spoke (or does he still speak?) of being proud of our heritage, Black People were awakened to a new truth: "We are beautiful." And when Malcolm moved on, and told us to take it ("Nobody can make you free!"), well many of us are still wondering what The Man meant by that. His message is crystal clear: Political Power (That means freedom) comes from the barrel of a Gun. Simple. Yet hard. It took a [[Huey Newton]] to put Malcolm's words into practice. ** Pablo "Yoruba" Guzman, "Malcolm Spoke for Puerto Ricans"(From ''Palante'', February 1970, volume 2, number 1) *Malcolm X-one of my heroes because of his public courage and integrity **[[Carl Hart]] ''Drug Use for Grown-Ups: Chasing Liberty in the Land of Fear'' (2021) * Marcus Garvey, Elijah Muhammad, Malcolm X, Martin Luther King, Stokely Carmichael, Amiri Baraka and other black male leaders have righteously supported patriarchy. They have all argued that it is absolutely necessary for black men to relegate black women to a subordinate position both in the political sphere and in home life. ** [[bell hooks]], ''Ain't I a Woman'' (1981) *Today's mic-hogging, fast-talking, contentious young (and old) lefties continue to hawk little books and pamphlets on revolution, always with choice words or documents from [[Marx]], [[Mao]], even [[Malcolm X|Malcolm]]. But I've never seen a broadside with "A Black Feminist Statement or even the writings of [[Angela Davis]] or [[June Jordan]] or [[Barbara Omolade]] or [[Flo Kennedy]] or [[Audre Lorde]] or [[bell hooks]] or [[Michelle Wallace]], at least not from the groups who call themselves leftist. These women's collective wisdom has provided the richest insights into American radicalism's most fundamental questions: How can we build a multiracial movement? Who are the working class and what do they desire? How do we resolve the Negro Question and the Woman Question? What is freedom? **[[Robin Kelley]] ''Freedom Dreams'' (2002) *Malcolm X spent time on the railroads as a youth selling sandwiches and washing dishes, but lasted only about a day with Pullman. He undoubtedly found Pullman's well-padded rule book and demand for obsequious service intolerable. But while he was there, the revolutionary observed, "We were in that world of Negroes who were both servants and psychologists, aware that white people are so obsessed with their own importance that they will pay liberally, even dearly, for the impression of being catered to and entertained." **[[Kim Kelly (journalist)]] ''Fight Like Hell: The Untold History of American Labor'' (2022) * '''I met [[w:Malcolm X|Malcolm X]] once in Washington, but circumstances didn't enable me to talk with him for more than a minute. He is very articulate ... but I totally disagree with many of his political and philosophical views — at least insofar as I understand where he now stands.''' I don't want to seem to sound self-righteous, or absolutist, or that I think I have the only truth, the only way. Maybe he does have some of the answer. '''I don't know how he feels now, but I know that I have often wished that he would talk less of violence, because violence is not going to solve our problem.''' And in his litany of '''articulating the despair of the Negro without offering any positive, creative alternative, I feel that Malcolm has done himself and our people a great disservice. Fiery, demagogic oratory in the black ghettos, urging Negroes to arm themselves and prepare to engage in violence, as he has done, can reap nothing but grief.''' ** [[Martin Luther King Jr.]];ː Interview in ''Playboy'' (January 1965). Also quoted in White & Dierenfield. 2014. ''A History of African-American Leadership''. Routledge, p. 188. ** According to biographer Jonathan Eig, the transcripts of this ''Playboy'' interview do not say this. King's last comment about "Fiery, demagogic oratory..." came later in the transcripts and were not a direct comment on Malcolm X. Eig believes interviewer Alex Haley committed journalistic malpractice and deliberately misquoted King. Instead the transcripts quote King as saying "I have met Malcolm X, but circumstances didn't enable me to talk with him for more than a minute. I totally disagree with many of his political and philosophical views, as I understand them. He is very articulate, as you say. I don't want to seem to sound as if I feel so self-righteous, or absolutist, that I think I have the only truth, the only way. Maybe he does have some of the answer. But I know that I have so often felt that I wished that he would talk less of violence, because I don't think that violence can solve our problem. '''And in his litany of expressing the despair of the Negro, without offering a positive, creative approach, I think that he falls into a rut sometimes.'''" [https://www.npr.org/2023/05/15/1175833143/mlk-martin-luther-king-jr-malcolm-x-quote-biography] * Malcolm X is a distinct shape in a very pivotal period of my life. I stand here now — Black, Lesbian, Feminist — an inheritor of Malcolm and in his tradition, doing my work, and the ghost of his voice through my mouth asks each one of you here tonight: Are you doing yours? ** [[Audre Lorde]], ''Learning from the 60s'', {{cite book |title={{w|Sister Outsider}}: Essays and Speeches |date=1984 |publisher=Crossing Press |isbn=978-0-89594-142-8}} * I was one of the ones who didn’t really hear Malcolm’s voice until it was amplified by death. I had been guilty of what many of us are still guilty of — letting the media, and I don’t mean only the white media — define the bearers of those messages most important to our lives. When I read Malcolm X with careful attention, I found a man much closer to the complexities of real change than anything I had read before. ** [[Audre Lorde]], ''Learning from the 60s'', {{cite book |title={{w|Sister Outsider}}: Essays and Speeches |date=1984 |publisher=Crossing Press |isbn=978-0-89594-142-8}} * How are you practicing what you preach — whatever you preach, and who exactly is listening? As Malcolm stressed, we are not responsible for our oppression, but we must be responsible for our own liberation. It is not going to be easy, but we have what we have learned and what we have been given that is useful. We have the power those who came before us have given us, to move beyond the place where they were standing. We have the trees, and water, and sun, and our children. Malcolm X does not live in the dry texts of his words as we read them; he lives in the energy we generate and use to move along the visions we share with him. We are making the future as well as bonding to survive the enormous pressures of the present, and that is what it means to be a part of history. ** [[Audre Lorde]], ''Learning from the 60s'', {{cite book |title={{w|Sister Outsider}}: Essays and Speeches |date=1984 |publisher=Crossing Press |isbn=978-0-89594-142-8}} * A schoolmate, Bob Bebee, recalls the day they stumbled on a local boy jerking off. Malcolm, Bebee recalled, ordered the youth to masturbate him, and subsequently boasted he had given him oral sex. Later, from the age of 20, Malcolm had sex with men for money – as hinted at in Spike Lee’s 1992 biopic – and he had at least one sustained sexual liaison with a man. While living in Flint, Michigan, his roommate noticed that instead of sleeping in the room they were sharing, Malcolm sneaked down the hall to spend the night with a gay transvestite named Willie Mae. ** [[w:Manning Marble|Manning Marble]] as quoted by [https://bisexual.org/malcolm-xs-bisexuality-comes-up-again-on-50th-anniversary-of-his-death/ Bisexual.org] *If Malcolm X or the Black Panthers had attempted to set up a separate black state on American soil in the tradition of John Brown, their efforts would have been crushed immediately. **[[w:Jeffrey J. Pyle|Jeffrey J. Pyle]], as quoted in [http://lawdigitalcommons.bc.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=2124&context=bclr "Race, Equality and the Rule of Law: Critical Race Theory's Attack on the Promises of Liberalism"] (May 1999), by J.J. Pyle, ''Boston College Law Review''. * The die is set, and Malcolm shall not escape, especially after such evil foolish talk about his benefactor, [[w:Elijah Muhammad|Elijah Muhammad]]. Such a man as Malcolm is worthy of death. ** [[Louis Farrakhan|Louis X (Louis Farrakhan)]] in ''Muhammad Speaks'' (4 December 1964). * Over the years considerable thought has been given, and action taken with Bureau approval, relating to methods through which the [Nation of Islam] could be discredited in the eyes of the general black populace or through which factionalism among the leadership could be created.... Factional disputes have been developed — the most notable being MALCOLM X LITTLE. **FBI Special Agent Marlin Johnson in memorandum "Counterintelligence Program / Black Nationalist – Hate Groups" (22 January 1969). *immigrant rights are broader than civil rights. Malcolm X once pointed out that the Black movement of the 1960s was a struggle for human rights, not just civil rights. In a similar way, we need to see that the struggle for immigrant rights is in fact a struggle for both civil and human rights. **[[Elizabeth Martinez]], ''De Colores Means All of Us'' (1998) *As with Africans in the diaspora, symbolized unforgettably by Malcolm X, the Chicano "X" reminds us of original, indigenous names that have been forgotten, and thus it reaffirms a long lost identity. **[[Elizabeth Martinez]], ''De Colores Means All of Us'' (1998) *when I entered City College, I joined ONYX, the African American student organization; there were no Puerto Rican or Latino organizations on campus. I studied African American history and especially the teachings of [[Malcolm X]]. **[[Iris Morales]] "¡PALANTE, SIEMPRE PALANTE!: The Young Lords" in ''The Puerto Rican Movement: Voices from the Diaspora'' (1998) * Don’t go through life without reading the autobiographies of [[Emma Goldman]], Prince [[Kropotkin]], [[Malcolm X]] ** [[Grace Paley]], "Some Notes on Teaching" (1970) * [[Malcolm X]] and [[Martin Luther King, Jr.]]-both leaders with large constituencies-had been murdered just as each was unscrolling a map on which race and class intersected in a shared landscape. ** [[Adrienne Rich]], Forward to ''Arts of the Possible'' (2000) *he would become one of the most influential advocates of equal rights as well as one of the harshest critics of white supremacy in the United States before his assassination in 1965. In particular his advocacy of self defence for Black people shocked the establishment: "Every time you pick up your newspaper, you see that I'm advocating violence. I have never advocated any violence. I've only said that Black people who are the victims of organised violence perpetrated upon us, we should defend ourselves… So, we only mean vigorous action in self-defence and that vigorous action we feel we're justified in initiating by any means necessary. The press call us racist and people who are 'violent in reverse.'… They make you think that if you try to stop the Klan from lynching you, you're practising 'violence in reverse.'" Originally a member of the Nation of Islam, El-Shabazz later left the group and founded the secular Organization of Afro-American Unity. He increasingly came to reject capitalism as inherently linked to racism, declaring in 1964: "You can't have capitalism without racism." Just three days before his murder he delivered a speech stating: "We are living in an era of revolution, and the revolt of the American Negro is part of the rebellion against the oppression and colonialism which has characterised this era… it is incorrect to classify the revolt of the Negro as simply a racial conflict of Black against white, or as a purely American problem. Rather, we are today seeing a global rebellion of the oppressed against the oppressor, the exploited against the exploiter." **[https://shop.workingclasshistory.com/collections/books/products/working-class-history-everyday-acts-resistance-rebellion-book ''Working Class History''] (2020) ===''Conversations with [[James Baldwin]]'' (1989)=== *When Malcolm talks or one of the Muslims talks, they articulate for all the Negro people who hear them; who listen to them. They articulate their suffering, the suffering which has been in this country so long denied. That's Malcolm's great authority over any of his audiences. He corroborates their reality; he tells them that they really exist. (1963) *it is very important to remember that America was settled by Europe. You know, it takes about five minutes for a European to become an American, and, as Malcolm said, the first word he learned was "Nigger." That puts it a little brutally, but it is very accurate. (1973) *Malcolm X asked a very important question years ago, which I did not quite hear at that moment. We were doing a radio program with young students in 1961 when there were the two poles in America, Black Muslims on one hand, and the very beginning of the student sit-ins on the other. And I was there as moderator, because it was Malcolm and the students who were talking. And Malcolm was very good with a kid when he said: "If you are a citizen, why do you fight for your civil rights? If you are a citizen, you have civil rights. If you don't have them, you are not a citizen." Very harshly put, but absolutely correct. Therefore, the Civil Rights Movement is a misnomer in a sense. It clarifies matters at least for me to think of it as the last slave rebellion, for that is what it was. The last slave uprising, and the very last time that the American black people, who are no longer alone as they were even twenty years ago, will petition the American government. (1980) *And he (Baldwin) recalls the time when he was sitting with Malcolm X and his new baby. "I said: 'Malcolm are you trying to tell me if that child were white you would dash it to the floor because it's a devil's child?' Well, it was a difficult question and he couldn't answer it. Then he went to Mecca and when he returned I knew I didn't need to ask him that question anymore. It was then that American society began regarding him as dangerous". (1985) ===[https://www.blackpast.org/african-american-history/1982-audre-lorde-learning-60s/ “Learning from the 60s”] (February 1982), [[Audre Lorde]]=== * Malcolm X is a distinct shape in a very pivotal period of my life. I stand here now – Black, Lesbian, Feminist – an inheritor of Malcolm and in his tradition, doing my work, and the ghost of his voice through my mouth asks each one of you here tonight: Are you doing yours? * There are no new ideas, just new ways of giving those ideas we cherish breath and power in our own living. I’m not going to pretend that the moment I first saw or heard Malcolm X he became my shining prince, because it wouldn’t be true...I’d read Malcolm’s autobiography, and I liked his style, and I thought he looked a lot like my father’s people, but I was one of the ones who didn’t really hear Malcolm’s voice until it was amplified by death...I had been guilty of what many of us are still guilty of – letting the media, and I don’t mean only the white media – define the bearers of those messages most important to our lives. When I read Malcolm X with careful attention, I found a man much closer to the complexities of real change than anything I had read before. Much of what I say here tonight was born from his words. * In the last year of his life, Malcolm X added a breadth to his essential vision that would have brought him, had he lived, into inevitable confrontation with the question of difference as a creative and necessary force for change. For as Malcolm X progressed from a position of resistance to, and analysis of, the racial status quo, to more active considerations of organizing for change, he began to reassess some of his earlier positions...Before he was killed, Malcolm had altered and broadened his opinions concerning the role of women in society and the revolution. He was beginning to speak with increasing respect of the connection between himself and Martin Luther King, Jr., whose policies of nonviolence appeared to be so opposite to his own. And he began to examine the societal conditions under which alliances and coalitions must indeed occur. He had also begun to discuss those scars of oppression which lead us to war against ourselves in each other rather than against our enemies. There is no such thing as a single-issue struggle because we do not live single-issue lives. Malcolm knew this. Martin Luther King, Jr. knew this. Our struggles are particular, but we are not alone. We are Black women who seek our own definitions, recognizing diversity among ourselves with respect. We have been around within our communities for a very long time, and we have played pivotal parts in the survival of those communities: from [[Hat Shep Sut]] through [[Harriet Tubman]] to [[Daisy Bates]] and [[Fannie Lou Hamer]] to [[Lorraine Hansberry]] to your Aunt Maydine to some of you who sit before me now. * How are you practicing what you preach – whatever you preach, and who exactly is listening? As Malcolm stressed, we are not responsible for our oppression, but we must be responsible for our own liberation. It is not going to be easy, but we have what we have learned and what we have been given that is useful. We have the power those who came before us have given us, to move beyond the piace where they were standing. We have the trees, and water, and sun, and our children. Malcolm X does not live in the dry texts of his words as we read them; he lives in the energy we generate and use to move along the visions we share with him. We are making the future as well as bonding to survive the enormous pressures of the present, and that is what it means to be a part of history. ==See also== * [[Malcolm X (film)|''Malcolm X'' (film)]] * [[Martin Luther King, Jr.]] * [[Reparations for slavery]] == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{wikisource author}} {{commons|Malcolm X}} *[https://effectivequote.com/malcolm-x-quotes-media/ Malcolm X Quotes on Media] *[http://archives.cbc.ca/IDC-1-69-2138-13070-11/on_this_day/life_society/ CBC Television Interview] *[http://www.cmgww.com/historic/malcolm/ The Official Web Site of Malcolm X] *[http://www.brothermalcolm.net Full audio of Malcolm X speeches] *[http://www.americanrhetoric.com/speeches/malcolmxballotorbullet.htm Text and Audio of Ballot or Bullet Speech] from AmericanRhetoric.com *[[wikisource:Letter from Malcolm X|Text of a letter written following his Hajj]] is given at [[Wikisource:|Wikisource]]. *[http://www.lib.berkeley.edu/MRC/audiofiles.html#malcolm2 Interview with UC Berkeley sociologist Herman Blake, 1963 (video)] *[http://www.finalcall.com/webcast/malcolmx/ Minister Louis Farrakhan on the murder of Malcolm X, Malcolm X College, 1990 (video)] *[http://www.wargs.com/other/x.html Ancestry of Malcolm X] *[http://www.vwho.net/MalcolmX/index.php?channel0 A Malcolm X media page] *[http://www.usps.com/images/stamps/99/malcolmx.htm Malcolm X (El-Hajj Malik El-Shabazz) United States Postage Stamp] * [http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=gr&GRid=1134 Malcolm X Gravesite] *[http://www.malcolmxreloaded.podomatic.com Malcolm X Reloaded: Who Really Assassinated Malcolm X] * [http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=5412246893082234005 Malcolm X on City Desk] * [http://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=938821 Lessons from Malcolm X: Freedom By Any Means Necessary] '''Research sites''' * [http://www.brothermalcolm.net/ Malcolm X : A Research Site] Abdul Alkalimat, ed. Launched May 19, 1999. [[w:University of Toledo|University of Toledo]] and Twenty-first Century Books. * [http://www.malcolm-x.org/ malcolm-x.org]. seeks to present Malcolm X within an Islamic context. Retrieved May 19, 2005. * [http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/amex/malcolmx/index.html Malcolm X: Make It Plain]. Documentary * [http://www.marxists.org/reference/archive/malcolm-x/index.htm Malcolm X Reference Archive]. Sound files of speeches ''The Ballot or the Bullet'', ''Democrats are Dixiecrats'', et al. [http://www.marxists.org Marxist Internet Archive]. Retrieved May 19, 2005. * [http://www.columbia.edu/cu/ccbh/mxp/index.html Malcolm X Project]. Project of the [http://www.columbia.edu/cu/ccbh/ Center for Contemporary Black History] at [[w:Columbia University|Columbia University]]. Retrieved May 19, 2005. * [http://web.archive.org/20040810035943/foia.fbi.gov/foiaindex/malcolmx.htm Malcolm X's FBI file] * [http://www.colostate.edu/Orgs/MSA/find_more/m_x.html Malcolm X - ''An Islamic Perspective''] * [http://www.koranselskab.dk/profiler/malcolmx.htm Malcolm X : A Profile] by [http://www.koranselskab.dk/ Det Danske Koranselskab] '''Articles and reports''' * Frazier, Martin. [http://www.pww.org/article/articleview/7111/1/271/ ''Harlem celebrates Malcolm X birthday'']. ''[[w:People's Weekly World|People's Weekly World]]''. May 26, 2005. * [[w:Democracy Now!|Democracy Now!]]. [http://www.democracynow.org/article.pl?sid=05/05/19/1330233 ''Malcolm X: Make it Plain'' transcript]. Excerpts of the documentary, "Malcolm X: Make it Plain". Segment available via [http://play.rbn.com/?url=demnow/demnow/demand/2005/may/audio/dn20050519.ra&proto=rtsp&start=21:41 streaming Real Audio], [http://play.rbn.com/?url=demnow/demnow/demand/2005/may/video/dnB20050519a.rm&proto=rtsp&start=21:41 128k streaming Real Video], or via [http://www.archive.org/download/dn2005-0519/dn2005-0519-1_64kb.mp3 MP3 download] from [http://www.archive.org Archive.org]. 37:23 minutes. Hosted by Amy Goodman. Broadcast May 19, 2005. * Waldron, Clarence. [http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1355/is_26_97/ai_62685474 ''Minister Louis Farrakhan Sets The Record Straight About His Relationship With Malcolm X'']. [http://www.jetmag.com/ME2/Audiences/default.asp '''Jet Magazine''']. Interview, June 5, 2000. Retrieved May 19, 2005. * M, Yahyá. [http://web.archive.org/20030404014631/members.aol.com/turkseven/shabazz.html ''The name Shabazz: Where did it come from?'']. Revised from ''Islamic Studies'' vol. 32 no.1, Spring 1993. p. 73-76. Retrieved May 19, 2005. {{DEFAULTSORT:Malcolm X}} [[Category:1925 births]] [[Category:1965 deaths]] [[Category:Civil rights activists]] [[Category:Human rights activists]] [[Category:Activists from the United States]] [[Category:Spiritual teachers]] [[Category:People from Omaha]] [[Category:African and Black nationalists]] [[Category:Autobiographers from the United States]] [[Category:Memoirists from the United States]] [[Category:Socialists from the United States]] [[Category:African Americans]] [[Category:Muslims from the United States]] [[Category:Murdered people]] [[Category:Religious leaders from the United States]] [[Category:Pan-Africanists]] os98wdeobbcaei1u4cszrlr0zb5jlh3 0 712 3778542 3288459 2025-07-14T12:42:08Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Architects]]; added [[Category:Architects from England]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778542 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:John Vanbrugh.jpg|thumb|Sir John Vanbrugh]] '''[[w:John Vanbrugh|Sir John Vanbrugh]]''' (January 24, 1664? – March 26, 1726) was an English architect and dramatist, perhaps best known as the designer of [[w:Blenheim Palace|Blenheim Palace]]. == Quotes == * Once a woman has given you her heart you can never get rid of the rest of her. ** [[w:The Relapse|''The Relapse'']], Act II, sc. i (1697) * Thinking is to me the greatest fatigue in the world. ** ''The Relapse'', [http://books.google.com/books?id=lIQUAAAAQAAJ&q=%22Thinking+is+to+me+the+greatest+fatigue+in+the+world%22&pg=PA27#v=onepage Act II, sc. 1] (1697) * No man worth having is true to his wife, or can be true to his wife, or ever was, or ever will be so. ** ''The Relapse'', Act III, sc. ii (1697) * '''Belinda''': Ay, but you know we must return good for evil.<br>'''Lady Brute''': That may be a mistake in the translation. ** ''The Provoked Wife'', Act I, sc. i (1698) * When debtors once have borrowed all we have to lend, they are very apt to grow shy of their creditors' company. ** ''The Provoked Wife'' (1698) * He laughs best who laughs last. ** ''The Country House'', Act II, sc. v (1706) * Much of a muchness. ** ''The Provoked Husband''. Act I, sc. i (1728) ** Completed by [[Colley Cibber]] * The want of a thing is perplexing enough, but the possession of it is intolerable. ** ''The Confederacy'', Act I, sc ii. * As if a woman of education bought things because she wanted 'em. ** ''The Confederacy'', Act II, sc. i. == External links == {{wikipedia}} *[http://www.bibliomania.com/0/6/276/1880/frameset.html Vanbrugh, The Provoked Wife]. Use with caution, this is an abridged and bowdlerised text. {{DEFAULTSORT:Vanbrugh, John}} [[Category:Playwrights from England]] [[Category:Architects from England]] [[Category:1726 deaths]] [[Category:People from London]] qe7i5zrawzrbh09pcybaj3lbek84g6x 0 785 3778757 3732444 2025-07-14T16:51:30Z UDScott 4304 /* Hurricane */ 3778757 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Bob Dylan Barcelona.jpg|thumb|right|If your time to you is worth savin’ <br> Then you better start swimmin’ or you’ll sink like a stone <br> For the times they are a-changin’.]] [[File:Bob Dylan June 23 1978.jpg|thumb|right|a poem is a naked person . . . some people say that i am a poet]] [[File:Bob Dylan in November 1963-3.jpg|thumb|right|I think of a hero as someone who understands the degree of responsibility that comes with his freedom.]] [[File:Joan Baez Bob Dylan.jpg|thumb|right|People today are still living off the table scraps of the sixties. They are still being passed around — the music and the ideas.]] [[File:Bob Dylan in November 1963-5.jpg|thumb|right|We may not be able to defeat these swine, but we don't have to join them.]] [[File:Bob Dylan in Toronto2.jpg|thumb|right|Morality has nothing in common with politics.]] [[File:Ginsberg-dylan.jpg|thumb|right|I don't call myself a poet, because I don't like the word.]] [[File:Bob Dylan 1996.jpg|thumb|right|Don't ask me nothin' about nothin'. I just might tell you the truth.]] '''[[w:Bob Dylan|Bob Dylan]]''' (born '''Robert Allen Zimmerman''' on [[May 24]], [[1941]]) is an American [[w:folk music|folk]] and [[w:rock music|rock]] singer-songwriter, born in [[w:Hibbing, Minnesota|Duluth, Minnesota]]. In 2016 Dylan received the Nobel Prize in Literature, "for having created new poetic expressions within the great American song tradition". == Quotes == * Anything I can sing, I call a song. Anything I can't sing, I call a poem. ** [https://bobdylan.com/albums/freewheelin-bob-dylan/ Liner notes], ''[[w:The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan|The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan]]'' (1963) * Because [[Charles Dickens|Dickens]] and [[Fyodor Dostoyevsky|Dostoyevsky]] and [[Woody Guthrie]] were telling their stories much better than I ever could, I decided to stick to my own mind. ** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/63-aug.htm "Only Human Driftin' And Learnin'"] by Sidney Fields, ''New York Mirror'' (9 December 1963) * '''There's no black and white, left and right to me anymore; there's only up and down and down is very close to the ground.''' And I'm trying to go up without thinking about anything trivial such as politics. They has got nothing to do with it. I'm thinking about the general people and when they get hurt. ** Address to the [[w:National Emergency Civil Liberties Committee|Emergency Civil Liberties Committee]] (13 December 1963) * I am a writer an a singer of the words I write I am no speaker nor any politician an my songs speak for me because I write them in the confinement of my own mind an have t cope with no one except my own self. ** Letter sent to the [[w:National Emergency Civil Liberties Committee|ECLC]] after Dylan received the Tom Paine Award at the Bill of Rights dinner on December 13, 1963, as reported in [http://www.hotpress.com/Bob-Dylan/music/interviews/Mr-Dylan-Regrets/2836632.html "Mr. Dylan Regrets"] by Niall Stokes, ''[[w:Hot Press|Hot Press]]'' (11 November 2005) * do Not create anything, it will be<br />misinterpreted. it will not change.<br />it will follow you the rest of your life. ** "Advice for Geraldine on Her Miscellaneous" (1964) * '''a poem is a naked person . . . some people say that I am a poet''' ** [http://bobdylan.com/linernotes/bringing.html Liner notes], ''[[w:Bringing It All Back Home|Bringing It All Back Home]]'' (1965) * He's a pinboy. He also wears suspenders. He's a real person. You know him, but not by that name... I saw him come into the room one night and he looked like a camel. He proceeded to put his eyes in his pocket. I asked this guy who he was and he said, "That's Mr. Jones." Then I asked this cat, "Doesn't he do anything but put his eyes in his pocket?" And he told me, "He puts his nose on the ground." It's all there, it's a true story. ** When asked about the meaning of the song "Ballad of a Thin Man" during a 1965 interview. * You don't necessarily have to write to be a poet. Some people work in gas stations and they're poets. '''I don't call myself a poet because I don't like the word.''' I'm a trapeze artist. ** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/65-aug.htm Bob Dylan Interview] by Nora Ephron & Susan Edmiston (1965) * I find it easy to write songs. I been writing songs for a long time and the words to the songs aren't written out just for the paper; they're written as you can read it, you dig. '''If you take whatever there is to the song away—the beat, the melody—I could still recite it.''' I see nothing wrong with songs you can't do that with either—songs that, if you took the beat and the melody away, they wouldn't stand up because they're not supposed to do that, you know. Songs are songs. ** Interview with Paul Robbins (March, 1965) * I accept [[chaos]]. I am not sure whether it accepts me. I know there are some people terrified of [[w:Atomic bomb|the bomb]], but there are others terrified to be seen carrying a [[w:Modern Screen|''Modern Screen'' magazine]]. Experience teaches that [[silence]] terrifies the most. ** As quoted in [http://www.mediafire.com/view/za1l4i1dftotwg9/.png "Cosmo Listens to Records"] by [[Nat Hentoff]], in [[w:Cosmopolitan (magazine)|''Cosmopolitan'']] (November 1965) *'''Reporter:''' How many people who labor in the same musical vineyard in which you toil - how many are protest singers? That is, people who use their music, and use the songs to protest the, uh, social state in which we live today: the matter of war, the matter of crime, or whatever it might be. <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Um...how ''many?'' <br>'''Reporter:''' Yes. How many? <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Uh, I think there's about, uh...136. <br>'''Reporter:''' You say ''about'' 136, or you mean ''exactly'' 136? <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Uh, it's either 136 or 142. ** Press conference in Los Angeles, California (17 December 1965), as seen and heard in ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]''. * '''Bob Dylan''': I ''do'' know what my songs are about.<br />'''Playboy''': And what's that?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': Oh, some are about four minutes; some are about five, and some, believe it or not, are about eleven or twelve. ** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/66-jan.htm Playboy Interview] (February 1966) * Colleges are like old-age homes; except for the fact that more people die in colleges. ** Playboy Interview (February 1966) * I don't believe you! You're a liar! ... Play it fucking loud! ** Dylan's response to the shout of "Judas" by a heckler, followed by his instructions to his band over the count-in to "Like A Rolling Stone." Heard on [[w:The Bootleg Series Vol. 4: Bob Dylan Live 1966, The "Royal Albert Hall" Concert|The Bootleg Series Vol. 4: Bob Dylan Live 1966]] * Keep a good head and always carry a light bulb. ** Heard in the [[w:D. A. Pennebaker|D. A. Pennebaker]] documentary ''[[w:Dont Look Back|Dont Look Back]]''<!-- [sic] --> (1967) * '''God, I'm glad I'm not me.''' ** Said when reading a newspaper article about himself in ''[[w:Dont Look Back|Dont Look Back]]'' (1967) * You have to be let alone to really accomplish anything. ** Interview by Hubert Saal, "Dylan is Back," ''Newsweek'' (26 February 1968) * I used to think that myself and my songs were the same thing. But I don't believe that any more. There's myself and there's my song, which I hope is everybody's song. ** Interview by Hubert Saal, "Dylan is Back," ''Newsweek'' (26 February 1968) * My songs always sound a lot better in person than they do on the record. ** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/bob-dylan-talks-a-raw-and-extensive-first-rolling-stone-interview-19691129 The Rolling Stone Interview: Bob Dylan] (29 November 1969) * Greed and lust I can understand, but I can't understand the values of definition and confinement. Definition destroys. Besides, there's nothing definite in this world. ** [http://www.punkhart.com/dylan/interviews/sep_1976.html Neil Hickey TV Guide interview] (11 September 1976) * '''Ron Rosenbaum''': Why are you doing what you're doing?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': [Pause] Because I don't know anything else to do. I'm good at it.<br />'''Ron Rosenbaum''': How would you describe "it"?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': I'm an artist. I try to create art. ** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/play78.htm Playboy Interview] (1978) * I consider myself a poet first and a musician second. I live like a poet and I'll die like a poet. ** [http://www.expectingrain.com/dok/int/shelton1978.07.29.html Interview] with Robert Shelton, ''[[w:Melody Maker|Melody Maker]]'' (29 July 1978) * '''Art is the perpetual motion of illusion.''' The highest purpose of art is to inspire. What else can you do? What else can you do for anyone but inspire them? ** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/features/the-rolling-stone-interview-bob-dylan-19780126 Bob Dylan: The Rolling Stone Interview] by Jonathan Cott (26 January 1978) * I kinda live where I find myself. ** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/features/the-rolling-stone-interview-bob-dylan-19840621 The Rolling Stone Interview: Bob Dylan] (21 June 1984) * I think women rule the world, and that no man has ever done anything that a woman either hasn't allowed him to do or encouraged him to do. ** Rolling Stone interview (21 June 1984) * I wanted just a song to sing, and there came a certain point where I couldn't sing anything. So I had to write what I wanted to sing 'cos nobody else was writing what I wanted to sing. ** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/84-jul30.htm Interview] with Bert Kleinman (30 July 1984). Cf. [[C. S. Lewis]]: "People won't write the books I want, so I have to do it for myself." * At certain times I read a lot of poetry. My favorite poets are [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|Shelley]] and [[Keats]]. [[Rimbaud]] is so identifiable. [[Lord Byron]]. I don't know. Lately if I read poems, it's like I can always hear the guitar. Even with [[Shakespeare]]'s [[The Sonnets|sonnets]] I can hear a melody because it's all broken up into timed phrases so I hear it. I always keep thinking, 'What kind of song would this be?' ** Interview with Denise Worrell, "'It's All Right in Front': Dylan on Life and Rock" in ''Time'' (25 November 1985) * '''Chaos is a friend of mine.''' ** ''Newsweek'' (9 December 1985) * '''I think of a hero as someone who understands the degree of responsibility that comes with his freedom.''' ** Interview published with the ''[[w:Biograph (album)|Biograph]]'' album set (1985) * If the songs are dreamed, it's like my voice is coming out of their dream. ** Quoted in [[w:Robert Shelton (critic)|Robert Shelton]]'s ''No Direction Home'' (1986), p. 281 * '''I think a poet is anybody who wouldn't call himself a poet.''' Anybody who could possibly call himself a poet just cannot be a poet. ** Quoted in Robert Shelton's [https://books.google.com/books?id=-IefAAAAMAAJ&dq=%22I+think+a+poet+is+anybody+who+wouldn%27t+call+himself+a+poet.%22&focus=searchwithinvolume&q=%22I+think+a+poet+is+anybody+who+wouldn%27t+call+himself+a+poet.+Anybody+who+could+possibly+call+himself+a+poet+just+cannot+be+a+poet.%22 ''No Direction Home''] (1986), p. 353 * When I first heard Elvis's voice I just knew that I wasn't going to work for anybody and nobody was going to be my boss. He is the deity supreme of rock and roll religion as it exists in today's form. Hearing him for the first time was like busting out of jail. I think for a long time that freedom to me was Elvis singing 'Blue Moon of Kentucky.' I thank God for Elvis. ** ''Us Weekly'' (24 August 1987); on the occasion of the tenth anniversary of [[Elvis Presley]]'s death, as reported in ''Bob Dylan: Performing Artist 1986–1990 and Beyond, Mind out of Time'' (2009) * The first two lines, which rhymed 'kiddin' you' and 'didn't you,' just about knocked me out, and later on, when I got to the jugglers and the chrome horse and the princess on the steeple, it all just about got to be too much. ** Discussing the song "[[w:Like a Rolling Stone|Like a Rolling Stone]]" in ''[[w:Rolling Stone|Rolling Stone]]'' magazine (1988) * It's not to anybody's best interest to think about how they will be perceived tomorrow. It hurts you in the long run. ** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/1991zollo.htm Bob Dylan: The Song Talk Interview] by Paul Zollo (1991) * My sense of rhyme used to be more involved in my songwriting than it is... Still staying in the unconscious frame of mind, you can pull yourself out and throw up two rhymes first and work it back. You get the rhymes first and work it back and then see if you can make it make sense in another kind of way. You can still stay in the unconscious frame of mind to pull it off, which is the state of mind you have to be in anyway. ** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/1991zollo.htm Bob Dylan: The Song Talk Interview] by Paul Zollo (1991) * '''People today are still living off the table scraps of the sixties. They are still being passed around — the music and the ideas.''' ** ''The Guardian'' (13 February 1992) * That ear - I mean, Jesus, he's got to will that to the Smithsonian. ** In reference to [[Brian Wilson]], ''Newsweek'' (1997) * Here's the thing with me and the religious thing. This is the flat-out truth: I find the religiosity and philosophy in the music. I don't find it anywhere else. ** [http://europe.newsweek.com/dylan-revisited-174056?rm=eu Dylan Revisited], ''Newsweek'' (1997) * I change during the course of a day. I wake and I'm one person, and when I go to sleep I know for certain I'm somebody else. I don't know who I am most of the time. It doesn't even matter to me. ** [http://europe.newsweek.com/dylan-revisited-174056?rm=eu Dylan Revisited], ''Newsweek'' (1997) * I'm inconsistent, even to myself. ** Quoted in [http://www.nytimes.com/1997/09/28/arts/pop-jazz-a-wiser-voice-blowin-in-the-autumn-wind.html "POP/JAZZ; A Wiser Voice Blowin' In the Autumn Wind"] by Jon Pareles, ''The New York Times'' (28 September 1997) * '''Bob Dylan''': The [[media]] is all-pervasive. What can a writer think of to write that you don't see every day in a newspaper or on television?<br />'''Interviewer''': ...Do you think that TV and the media have killed [[poetry]] and [[literature]]?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. ... What's a writer to do if every idea is exposed in the media before he can get to it or let it evolve? What's a writer gonna write about? ... We're living in a science-fiction world. We're living in a world that Disney has conquered. Disney's science fiction. Theme parks, trendy streets, it's all science fiction. So I would say, if a writer has got something to say, he'll have to do it in that–<br />'''Interviewer''': Outside of the real world?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': There is a real world. Science fiction has become the real world. Whether we realize it or not, it has. ** The Rome Press Conference (23 July 2001) * '''We may not be able to defeat these swine, but we don't have to join them.''' ** As quoted in ''[[w:Kingdom of Fear|Kingdom of Fear]]'' (2003) by [[Hunter S. Thompson]] * I had ambitions to set out and find, like an odyssey or going home somewhere... set out to find... this home that I'd left a while back and couldn't remember exactly where it was, but I was on my way there. And encountering what I encountered on the way was how I envisioned it all. '''I didn't really have any ambition at all. I was born very far from where I'm supposed to be, and so, I'm on my way home, you know?''' ** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005) * I didn't go to classes. I just didn't feel like it. ** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005) * An artist has gotta be careful never really to arrive at a place where he thinks he's ''at'' somewhere. You always have to realize that you're constantly in a state of becoming. ** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005) * You don't ''need'' my autograph. If you needed it, I'd give it to you. ** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005) * '''You can't be wise and in love at the same time.''' ** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005) * I had no answers to any of those questions any more than any other performer did, really. But, you know, that didn't stop the press or people or whoever they were from asking these questions. They, for some reason the press thought that performers had the answers to all these problems in the society and you know, like what can... What can you say to something like that? I mean, it's just kind of absurd. ** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005) * '''I read ''[[On the Road]]'' in maybe 1959. It changed my life like it changed everyone else's.''' ** On the influence of [[Jack Kerouac]] on him, as quoted ''Grasping for the Wind : The Search for Meaning in the 20th Century'' (2001) by John W. Whitehead * Someone handed me ''Mexico City Blues'' in St. Paul [Minnesota] in 1959 and it blew my mind. '''It was the first poetry that spoke my own language.''' ** On the influence of [[Jack Kerouac]], as quoted in ''Jack Kerouac'' (2007) by Alison Behnke, p. 100 * I think it's the land. The streams, the forests, the vast emptiness. The land created me. I'm wild and lonesome. Even as I travel the cities, I'm more at home in the vacant lots. But I have a love for humankind, a love of truth, and a love of justice. I think I have a dualistic nature. I'm more of an adventurous type than a relationship type. ** [http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/music/article6043331.ece ''London Times'' interview] (2009) * It's not a character like in a book or a movie. He's not a bus driver. He doesn't drive a forklift. He's not a serial killer. It's me who's singing that, plain and simple. '''We shouldn't confuse singers and performers with actors.''' Actors will say, “My character this, and my character that.” Like beating a dead horse. '''Who cares about the character? Just get up and act. You don't have to explain it to me.''' ** {{cite web|title=Bob Dylan, interview with Bill Flanagan|url=http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/music/bob-dylan/5148025/Bob-Dylan-interview-with-Bill-Flanagan.html|publisher=telegraph.co.uk|date=13 Apr 2009}} * '''It's peculiar and unnerving in a way to see so many young people walking around with cellphones and iPods in their ears and so wrapped up in media and video games. It robs them of their self-identity.''' It's a shame to see them so tuned out to real life. Of course they are free to do that, as if that's got anything to do with freedom. '''The cost of liberty is high, and young people should understand that before they start spending their life with all those gadgets.''' **''Rolling Stone'' #1078 (14 May 2009), p. 45 * '''The people in my songs are all me.''' ** [http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/04/19/bob-dylan-interview-revea_n_188782.html "Bob Dylan Sounds Off On The Origin Of His New Record, Parlor Music, Dr. Dre, And Who His Songs Are About"], ''Huffington Post'' (20 May 2009) * A man is successful if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night, and in between does what he likes. ** [https://www.todomusica.org/bob_dylan/ Bob Dylan] at [https://www.todomusica.org/ Todomusica.org] === ''[[w:Chronicles: Volume One|Chronicles: Vol. One]]'' (2004) === * It wasn't money or love that I was looking for. I had a heightened sense of awareness, was set in my ways, impractical and a visionary to boot. My mind was strong like a trap and I didn't need any guarantee of validity. ** p. 9 * I was heading for the fantastic lights. No doubt about it. Could it be that I was being deceived? Not likely. I don't think I had enough imagination to be deceived; had no false hope, either. '''I'd come from a long ways off and had started from a long ways down. But now [[destiny]] was about to manifest itself. I felt like it was looking right at me and nobody else.''' ** p. 22 * Morality has nothing in common with politics. ** p. 45 * What was the future? The future was a solid wall, not promising, not threatening—all bunk. No guarantees of anything, not even the guarantee that life isn't one big joke. ** p. 49 * Opportunities may come along for you to convert something—something that exists into something that didn't yet. ** p. 51 * America was changing. I had a feeling of destiny and I was riding the changes... My consciousness was beginning to change, too, change and stretch. ** p. 73 * I had been in a motorcycle accident and I'd been hurt, but I recovered. Truth was that I wanted to get out of the rat race. Having children changed my life and segregated me from just about everybody and everything that was going on. Outside of my family, nothing held any real interest for me and I was seeing everything through different glasses. ** p. 114 * I had very little in common with and knew even less about a generation that I was supposed to be the voice of. ** p. 115 * I'm a '60s troubadour, a folk-rock relic, a wordsmith from bygone days, a fictitious head of state from a place nobody knows. I'm in the bottomless pit of cultural oblivion. ** p. 147 * Sometimes you say things in songs even if there's a small chance of them being true. And sometimes you say things that have nothing to do with the truth of what you want to say and sometimes you say things that everyone knows to be true. Then again, at the same time, you're thinking that the only truth on earth is that there is no truth on it. Whatever you are saying, you're saying in a ricky-tick way. There's never time to reflect. You stitched and pressed and packed and drove, is what you did. ** p. 220 * I put one on the turntable and when the needle dropped, I was stunned — didn't know if I was stoned or straight... All these songs together, one after another made my head spin. It made me want to gasp. It was like the land parted. ** Referring to the first [[w:Woody Guthrie|Woody Guthrie]] record he ever heard, p. 243 * [Ref [[Rimbaud]] line<ref>**[http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Lettre_de_Rimbaud_%C3%A0_Georges_Izambard_-_13_mai_1871 Letter to Georges Izambard; Charleville, 13 May 1871]</ref> 'Je est un autre,]' “which translates into ‘I is someone else.’ When I read those words the bells went off. It made perfect sense. I wished someone would have mentioned that to me earlier.” ** p288 * The road out would be treacherous, and I didn’t know where it would lead but I followed it anyway. It was a strange world ahead that would unfold, a thunderhead of a world with jagged lightning edges. Many got it wrong and never did get it right. I went straight into it. It was wide open. One thing for sure, not only was it not run by God, but it wasn’t run by the devil either. ** p. 293 === Nobel Banquet Speech === :<small>[https://www.nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/literature/laureates/2016/dylan-speech.html Bob Dylan - Banquet Speech - Nobelprize.org]</small> * If someone had ever told me that I had the slightest chance of winning the Nobel Prize, I would have to think that I'd have about the same odds as standing on the moon. * I began to think about [[William Shakespeare]], the great literary figure. I would reckon he thought of himself as a dramatist. The thought that he was writing [[literature]] couldn't have entered his head. His words were written for the stage. Meant to be spoken not read. When he was writing [[Hamlet]], I'm sure he was thinking about a lot of different things: "Who're the right actors for these roles?" "How should this be staged?" "Do I really want to set this in Denmark?" His creative vision and ambitions were no doubt at the forefront of his mind, but there were also more mundane matters to consider and deal with. "Is the financing in place?" "Are there enough good seats for my patrons?" "Where am I going to get a human skull?" I would bet that the farthest thing from Shakespeare's mind was the question "Is this ''literature''?" * As a performer I've played for 50,000 people and I've played for 50 people and I can tell you that it is harder to play for 50 people. 50,000 people have a singular persona, not so with 50. Each person has an individual, separate identity, a world unto themselves. They can perceive things more clearly. Your honesty and how it relates to the depth of your talent is tried. * Like Shakespeare, I too am often occupied with the pursuit of my creative endeavors and dealing with all aspects of life's mundane matters. "Who are the best musicians for these songs?" "Am I recording in the right studio?" "Is this song in the right key?" Some things never change, even in 400 years. Not once have I ever had the time to ask myself, "Are my songs ''literature''?" So, I do thank the Swedish Academy, both for taking the time to consider that very question, and, ultimately, for providing such a wonderful answer. == Song lyrics == === ''[[w:Bob Dylan (album)|Bob Dylan]]'' (1962) === ==== ''Talking New York'' ==== * You sound like a hillbilly; We want folk singers here. * A lot of people don't have much food on their table<br>But they got a lot of forks and knives<br>And they gotta cut something ==== ''[[w:Song to Woody|Song to Woody]]'' ==== * I'm out here a thousand miles from my home<br />Walkin' a road other men have gone down<br />I'm seein' your world of people and things<br />Your paupers and peasants and princes and kings * Hey, hey, [[Woody Guthrie]], I wrote you a song,<br />'Bout a funny ol' world that's a-comin' along<br />Seems sick an' it's hungry, it's tired an' it's torn<br />It looks like it's a-dyin' an' it's hardly been born * Here's to [[w:Cisco Houston|Cisco]] an' [[w:Sonny Terry|Sonny]] an' [[w:Lead Belly|Lead Belly]] too<br />An' to all the good people that traveled with you<br />Here's to the hearts and the hands of the men<br />That come with the dust and are gone with the wind ** Compare: "We come with the dust and we go with the wind." [[Woody Guthrie]], ''[[w:Pastures of Plenty|Pastures of Plenty]]''. === ''[[w:The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan|The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan]]'' (1963) === ==== ''[[w:Blowin' in the Wind|Blowin' in the Wind]]'' ==== [[File:Roadfogbow.jpg|thumb|right|How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?]] [[File:Animated_dove_holding_an_olive_branch.gif|thumb|right|How many seas must a white dove sail before she sleeps in the sand?]] * '''How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?<br>How many seas must a white dove sail before she sleeps in the sand?''' * Yes, and how many years can a mountain exist before it is washed to the sea? * How many times can a man turn his head pretending he just doesn't see? * How many times must a man look up before he can see the sky? * Yes, and how many deaths will it take till he knows that too many people have died? * '''The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind.''' ==== ''[[w:Girl from the North Country|Girl from the North Country]]'' ==== * So if you're travelin' in the north country fair,<br>Where the winds hit heavy on the borderline,<br>Remember me to one who lives there.<br>She once was a true love of mine. ==== ''[[w:Masters of War|Masters of War]]'' ==== * But I see through your eyes * All the money you made will never buy back your soul. * You ain't worth the blood that runs in your veins. * There is one thing I know though I'm younger than you<br> Even Jesus would not forgive what you do * And I hope that you die <br>And your death'll come soon <br>I will follow your casket <br>In the pale afternoon <br>And I'll watch while you're lowered <br>Down to your deathbed <br>And I'll stand o'er your grave <br>'Til I'm sure that you're dead ==== ''[[w:A Hard Rain's a-Gonna Fall|A Hard Rain's a-Gonna Fall]]'' ==== * Oh, where have you been, my blue-eyed son?<br />And where have you been, my darling young one? ** Compare: "O where ha' you been, Lord Randal, my son? And where ha' you been, my handsome young man?" ''[[w:Lord Randall|Lord Randall]]'', [[s:Child's Ballads/12|no. 12]]. * I saw a newborn baby with wild wolves all around it. * I saw ten thousand talkers whose tongues were all broken. * I heard the roar of a wave that could drown the whole world. * I heard one hundred drummers whose hands were a-blazin'. * I met a white man who walked a black dog. * And I'll tell it and speak it and think it and breathe it. * But I'll know my song well before I start singin'. * '''It's a hard rain's a-gonna fall.''' ==== ''[[w:Don't Think Twice, It's All Right|Don't Think Twice, It's All Right]]'' ==== * It ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe<br />If you don't know by now ** Compare: "It ain't no use to sit and sigh now, darlin." [[w:Paul Clayton (folksinger)|Paul Clayton]], ''Who's Gonna Buy You Ribbons (When I'm Gone)''. * '''I once loved a woman, a child I am told<br>I gave her my heart but she wanted my soul.''' * I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road, babe<br />Where I'm bound, I can't tell<br />'''But goodbye's too good a word, babe <br /> So I'll just say fare thee well''' ** Compare: "So I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road..." [[w:Paul Clayton (folksinger)|Paul Clayton]], ''Who's Gonna Buy You Ribbons (When I'm Gone)''. * '''I ain't saying you treated me unkind <br> You could have done better but I don't mind''' <br> You just kinda wasted my precious time <br> But don't think twice, it's all right. ==== ''[[w:Talkin' World War III Blues|Talkin' World War III Blues]]'' ==== * I got into the driver's seat and drove down 42nd Street in my [[w:Cadillac|Cadillac]].<br>Good car to drive after a war. * Half of the people can be part right all of the time,<br>Some of the people can be all right part of the time,<br>But all the people can't be all right all the time.<br>I think [[Abraham Lincoln]] said that.<br>'''I'll let you be in my dreams if I can be in yours.<br>I said that.''' === ''[[w:The Times They Are A-Changin'|The Times They Are A-Changin']]'' (1964) === ==== ''[[w:The Times They Are a-Changin' (song)|The Times They Are A-Changin']]'' ==== :<small>[http://www.bobdylan.com/songs/times-they-are-changin Full lyrics online]</small> * '''Come gather ’round people <br> Wherever you roam <br> And admit that the waters <br> Around you have grown.''' <br> And accept it that soon <br> You’ll be drenched to the bone. <br> If your time to you is worth savin’ <br> '''Then you better start swimmin' or you'll sink like a stone <br> For the times they are a-changin'.''' * Come writers and critics <br> Who prophesize with your pen <br> And keep your eyes wide <br> The chance won't come again <br> And don't speak too soon <br> For the wheel's still in spin <br> And there's no tellin' who that it's naming.’ <br> '''For the loser now will be later to win''' * Come mothers and fathers<br> Throughout the land <br> And '''don't criticize <br> What you can't understand''' <br> Your sons and your daughters <br> Are beyond your command <br> Your old road is rapidly agin'. * Come Congressmen, Senators, please heed the call <br>Don't stand in the doorway, don't block up the hall <br> For he who gets hurt will be he who has stalled<br> There’s a battle outside and it's ragin’. ==== ''[[w:Ballad of Hollis Brown|Ballad of Hollis Brown]]'' ==== * You prayed to the Lord above<br />Oh please send you a friend<br />Your empty pockets tell yuh<br />That you ain't a-got no friend * There's seven people dead<br />On a South Dakota farm<br />Somewhere in the distance<br />There's seven new people born * If there's anyone who knows, is there anyone who cares? ==== ''[[w:With God On Our Side|With God On Our Side]]'' ==== * You never ask questions When God's on your side * You don't count the dead When God's on your side * But I can't think for you<br />You'll have to decide<br />Whether [[w:Judas Iscariot|Judas Iscariot]]<br />Had God on his side * The words fill my head, and fall to the floor, that if God's on our side, he'll stop the next war. ==== ''[[w:Restless Farewell|Restless Farewell]]'' ==== * Oh all the money that in my whole life I did spend<br />Be it mine right or wrongfully<br />I let it slip gladly past the hands of my friends<br />To tie up the time most forcefully ** Compare: "Of all the money e'er I had, I spent it in good company. And all the harm e'er I've done, Alas! it was to none but me." ''[[s:The Parting Glass|The Parting Glass]]''. * But if the arrow is straight<br />And the point is slick<br />It can pierce through dust no matter how thick ==== ''[[w:Boots of Spanish Leather|Boots of Spanish Leather]]'' ==== * Oh, but if I had the stars from the darkest night <br /> And the diamonds from the deepest ocean <br /> I'd forsake them all for your sweet kiss <br /> For that's all I'm wishin' to be ownin'. * Well, if you, my love, must think that-a-way, <br /> I'm sure your mind is roamin'. <br /> I'm sure your heart is not with me, <br /> But with the country to where you're goin'. ==== ''[[w:The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll|The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll]]'' ==== * William Zanzinger killed poor Hattie Carroll <br /> With a cane that he twirled around his Diamond ring finger <br /> At a Baltimore hotel society gath‘rin‘ <br /> And the cops were called in and his weapon took from him <br /> As they rode him in custody down to the station <br /> And booked William Zanzinger for first-degree murder <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears. * William Zanzinger, who at twenty-four years <br/> Owns a tobacco farm of six hundred acres <br /> With rich wealthy parents who provide and protect him <br /> And high office relations in the politics of Maryland <br /> Reacted to his deed with a shrug of his shoulders <br /> And swear words and sneering, and his tongue it was snarling <br /> In a matter of minutes on bail was out walking <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears. * Hattie Carroll was a maid of the kitchen <br /> She was fifty-one years old and gave birth to ten children <br/ > Who carried the dishes and took out the garbage <br /> And never sat once at the head of the table <br /> And didn‘t even talk to the people at the table <br /> Who just cleande up all the food from the table <br /> And emptied the ashtrays in a whole other level <br /> Got killed by a blow, lay slain by a cane <br /> That sailed through the air and came down through the room <br /> Doomed and determined to destroy all the gentle <br /> And she never done nothing to William Zanzinger <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears. * In the courtroom of honor, the judge pounded his gravel <br /> To show that all‘s equal and that the courts are on the level <br /> And the strings in the books ain‘t pulled and persuaded <br /> And that even the nobles get properly handled <br /> Once that the cops have chased after and caught ´em <br /> And that the ladder of law has no top and no bottom <br /> Stared at the person who killed for no reason <br /> Who just happened to be feelin‘ that way without warnin‘ <br /> And he spoke through his cloak, most deep and distinguished <br /> And handed out strongly, for penalty and repentance <br /> William Zanzinger with a six-month sentence <br /> Oh, but you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Bury the rag deep in your face <br /> For now‘s the time for your tears. === ''[[w:Another Side of Bob Dylan|Another Side of Bob Dylan]]'' (1964) === ==== ''[[w:All I Really Want To Do|All I Really Want To Do]]'' ==== * '''All I really want to do is, baby, be friends with you.''' * '''I ain't looking for you to feel like me, see like me, or be like me.''' ==== ''[[w:Chimes of Freedom (song)|Chimes of Freedom]]'' ==== [[File:AzaraxshTaleghan.gif|thumb|Flashing for the warriors whose strength is not to fight,<br />Flashing for the refugees on the unarmed road of flight,<br />And for each and every underdog soldier in the night,<br />And we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.]] * Far between sundown's finish an' midnight's broken toll,<br />We ducked inside the doorway, thunder crashing.<br />As majestic bells of bolts struck shadows in the sounds,<br />Seeming to be the chimes of freedom flashing.<br />Flashing for the warriors whose strength is not to fight,<br />Flashing for the refugees on the unarmed road of flight,<br />An' for each an' ev'ry underdog soldier in the night,<br />An' we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing. * Through the mad mystic hammering of the wild ripping hail,<br />The sky cracked its poems in naked wonder,<br />That the clinging of the church bells blew far into the breeze<br />Leaving only bells of lightning and its thunder<br />Striking for the gentle, striking for the kind,<br />Striking for the guardians and protectors of the mind,<br />An' the poet and the painter far behind his rightful time<br />An' we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing. ==== ''I Shall Be Free No. 10'' ==== [[File:Bob Dylan in Toronto1.jpg|thumb|Everything passes<br />Everything changes<br />Just do what you think you should do<br />And someday maybe<br />Who knows, baby<br />I'll come and be cryin' to you]] * It ain't no use a-talking to me<br />It's just the same as talking to you * I'm a poet, and I know it. ==== ''[[w:To Ramona|To Ramona]]'' ==== * Everything passes<br />Everything changes<br />Just do what you think you should do<br />And someday maybe<br />Who knows, baby<br />I'll come and be cryin' to you ==== ''[[w:My Back Pages|My Back Pages]]'' ==== * '''Ah, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now.''' * Half-wracked prejudice leaped forth<br />"Rip down all hate," I screamed<br />Lies that life is black and white<br />Spoke from my skull. * In a soldier's stance, I aimed my hand at the mongrel dogs who teach </br> '''Fearing not that I'd become my enemy in the instant that I preach''' </br> My existence led by confusion boats, mutiny from stern to bow. ==== ''[[w:Motorpsycho Nightmare|Motorpsycho Nightmare]]'' ==== * I had to say something to strike him very weird so I yelled out "I like [[Fidel Castro]] and his beard." ==== ''[[w:Ballad In Plain D|Ballad In Plain D]]'' ==== * All is gone, all is gone, admit it, take flight. <br /> I gagged twice, doubled, tears blinding my sight. <br /> My mind it was mangled, I ran into the night <br /> Leaving all of love's ashes behind me. <br /><p> The wind knocks my window, the room it is wet. <br /> The words to say I'm sorry, I haven't found yet. <br /> I think of her often and hope whoever she's met <br /> Will be fully aware of how precious she is. <br /><p> Ah, my friends from the prison, they ask unto me, <br /> "How good, how good does it feel to be free?" <br /> And I answer them most mysteriously, <br /> "Are birds free from the chains of the skyway?" ==== ''[[w:It Ain't Me Babe|It Ain't Me Babe]]'' ==== * Go away from my window,<br>Leave at your own chosen speed,<br>I'm not the one you want, babe,<br>I'm not the one you need.<br>You say you're looking for someone,<br>Who's never weak but always strong,<br>To protect you and defend you,<br>Whether you are right or wrong,<br>Someone to open each and every door,<br>But it ain't me, babe,<br>No, no, no, it ain't me, babe,<br>It ain't me you're looking for, babe. === ''[[w:Bringing It All Back Home|Bringing It All Back Home]]'' (1965) === ==== ''[[w:Subterranean Homesick Blues|Subterranean Homesick Blues]]'' ==== :<small>Complete lyrics [http://bobdylan.com/songs/subterranean-homesick-blues/ here]</small> * Johnny's in the basement<br>Mixing up the medicine<br>I'm on the pavement<br>Thinking about the government<br>The man in the trenchcoat<br>Badge out, laid off<br>Says he's got a bad cough<br>Wants to get it paid off<br>'''Look out kid<br>It's somethin' you did<br>God knows when<br>But you're doin' it again''' * '''You don't need a weather man<br>To know which way the wind blows''' * Get jailed, jump bail<br>Join the army, if you fail * '''Don't follow leaders<br>Watch the parkin' meters''' * Twenty years of schoolin'<br>And they put you on the day shift * The pump don't work<br>'Cause the vandals took the handles ==== ''[[w:She Belongs to Me|She Belongs to Me]]'' ==== * She's got everything she needs, she's an artist, she don't look back. * She could take the dark out the nighttime and paint the daytime black. * You will start out standing, proud to steal her anything she sees, but you will wind up peeking through her keyhole down upon your knees. ==== ''[[w:Maggie's Farm|Maggie's Farm]]'' ==== * Well, I try my best<br />To be just like I am<br />But everybody wants you<br />To be just like them * '''I ain't gonna work on Maggie's farm no more.''' ==== ''[[w:Love Minus Zero/No Limit|Love Minus Zero/No Limit]]'' ==== * There's no success like failure, and failure's no success at all. * '''She knows too much to argue or to judge.''' * In the dime stores and bus stations, <br /> People talk of situations, <br /> Read books repeat quotations, <br /> Draw conclusions on the wall. ==== ''[[w:Outlaw Blues (song)|Outlaw Blues]]'' ==== * '''Don't ask me nothin' about nothin'. I just might tell you the truth.''' ==== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's 115th Dream|Bob Dylan's 115th Dream]]'' ==== * I said, "You know they refused Jesus, too"<br />He said, "You're not Him" ==== ''[[w:Mr. Tambourine Man|Mr. Tambourine Man]]'' ==== * The ancient empty street's too dead for dreaming. * And if you hear vague traces of skipping reels of rhyme... * It's not aimed at anyone, it's just escapin' on the run * Take me disappearing, through the smoke rings of my mind, down the foggy ruins of time... * Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free. * With all [[memory]] and [[fate]] driven deep beneath the waves, let me forget about today until tomorrow. * Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me.<br>I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to.<br>'''Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me.<br>In the jingle-jangle morning, I'll come following you.''' ==== ''[[w:Gates of Eden (song)|Gates of Eden]]'' ==== * All and all can only fall with a crushing but meaningless blow. * And there are no truths outside the Gates of Eden. * Of war and peace the truth just twist, its curfew gull it glides. ==== ''[[w:It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)|It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)]]'' ==== * '''Darkness at the break of noon<br />Shadows even the silver spoon<br />The handmade blade, the child's balloon'''<br />Eclipses both the sun and moon<br />To understand you know too soon<br />There is no sense in trying [[File:Bob Dylan and The Band - 1974.jpg|thumb|He not busy being born is busy dying.]] * He not busy being born is busy dying''' * Others say, don't hate nothing at all except hatred * Disillusioned words like bullets bark <br />As human gods aim for their mark <br />Make everything from toy guns that spark <br />To flesh-colored Christs that glow in the dark <br />It's easy to see without looking too far<br />That not much is really sacred * Even the President of the United States<br />Sometimes must have to stand naked * '''It is not he or she or them or it<br />That you belong to.''' *While one who sings with his tongue on fire<br />Gargles in the rat race choir * '''Money doesn't talk, it swears''' [[File:Baby blue (14787116756).jpg|thumb|Forget the dead you've left, they will not follow you... it's all over now, Baby Blue.]] ==== ''[[w:It's All Over Now, Baby Blue|It's All Over Now, Baby Blue]]'' ==== * You must leave, now take what you need, You think will last<br>But whatever you wish to keep, you better grab it fast<br>Yonder stands your orphan with his gun<br>Crying like a fire in the sun. * The highway is for gamblers, better use your sense. * Your lover who just walked out the door, has taken all his blankets from your floor. * Leave your stepping stones behind, something calls for you.<br>Forget the dead you've left, they will not follow you.<br>Strike another match, go! Start anew<br>And it's all over now, Baby Blue. === ''[[w:Highway 61 Revisited|Highway 61 Revisited]]'' (1965) === ==== ''[[w:Positively 4th Street|Positively 4th Street]]'' ==== * '''You got a lotta nerve to say you are my friend. When I was down, you just stood there grinning.''' * Do you take me for such a fool to think I'd make contact with one that tries to hide what he don't know to begin with. * I wish that for just one time you could stand inside my shoes. You'd know what a drag it is to see you. ==== ''[[w:Like a Rolling Stone|Like a Rolling Stone]]'' ==== [[File:Solar Glory and Brocken spectre 1.jpg|thumb|right|When you ain't got nothing, you got nothing to lose. You're invisible now. You've got no secrets to conceal.]] * '''How does it feel? To be on your own, with no direction home, like a complete unknown, like a rolling stone?''' * Once upon a time you dressed so fine, threw the bums a dime in your prime, didn't you. </br> '''People call, say beware doll, you're bound to fall, you thought they were all, kiddin you.''' * You used to laugh about<br>Everybody that was hangin' out<br>Now you don't talk so loud<br>Now you don't seem so proud<br>About having to be scrounging for your next meal * '''You never turned around to see the frowns, on the jugglers and the clowns when they all did, tricks for you.''' * Princess on the steeple and all the pretty people, they're drinkin', thinkin' that they got it made * Go to him now, he calls you, you can't refuse. </br> '''When you ain't got nothing, you got nothing to lose. </br> You're invisible now. You've got no secrets to conceal.''' ==== ''[[w:Tombstone Blues|Tombstone Blues]]'' ==== * The sweet pretty things are in bed now, of course. * The sun's not yellow, it's chicken. * Stop all this weeping, swallow your pride, you will not die, it's not poison *The geometry of innocent flesh on the bone<br />Causes Galileo's math book to get thrown<br />At Delilah's who sitting worthlessly alone<br />But the tears on her cheeks are from laughter * And the National Bank at a profit sells road maps for the soul<br />To the old folks home and the college ==== ''[[w:It Takes A Lot To Laugh, It Takes A Train To Cry|It Takes A Lot To Laugh, It Takes A Train To Cry]]'' ==== * Well I ride on a mail train baby, can't buy a thrill. * '''Don't the moon look good, mama, shinin' through the trees?<br>Don't the brakeman look good, mama, flaggin' down the double E?<br>Don't the sun look good goin' down over the sea?''' ==== ''[[w:Ballad of a Thin Man|Ballad of a Thin Man]]'' ==== * And you say, Oh my God, am I here all alone? * You've been with the professors and they've all liked your looks. With great lawyers you've discussed lepers and crooks. * You go watch the geek, who immediately walks up to you when he hears you speak, and says, how does it feel to be such a freak?, and you say, impossible as he hands you a bone. * '''And something is happening here, but you don't know what it is, do you Mr. Jones?''' * Here's your throat back, thanks for the loan. * You put your eyes in your pockets and your nose on the ground. * They already expect you to just give a check to tax-deductible charity organization. ==== ''[[w:Highway 61 Revisited (song)|Highway 61 Revisited]]'' ==== * Oh God said to Abraham, Kill me a son.<br/>Abe says, Man, you must be puttin' me on.<br/>God say, No. Abe say, What?<br/>God say, You can do what you want Abe, but<br/>the next time you see me comin' you better run.<br/>Well Abe says, Where do you want this killin' done?<br/>God says, Out on [[w:U.S. Route 61#The Blues Highway|Highway 61]]. ==== ''[[w:Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues|Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues]]'' ==== * The cops don't need you, and, man, they expect the same. * I started out on [[w:Burgundy wine|burgundy]] but soon hit the harder stuff. ==== ''[[w:Desolation Row|Desolation Row]]'' ==== * They're selling postcards of the hanging * Yes, I received your letter yesterday<br/>(About the time the door knob broke)<br/>When you asked how I was doing<br/>Was that some kind of joke?<br/>All these people that you mention<br/>Yes, I know them, they're quite lame<br/>I had to rearrange their faces<br/>And give them all another name<br/>Right now I can't read too good<br/>Don't send me no more letters no<br/>Not unless you mail them<br/>From Desolation Row<br/> * Now at midnight all the agents<br />And the superhuman crew<br />Come out and round up everyone<br />That knows more than they do * The Titanic sails at dawn * And [[Ezra Pound]] and [[T. S. Eliot]]<br />Fighting in the captain's tower<br />While calypso singers laugh at them<br />And fishermen hold flowers... === ''[[w:Blonde on Blonde|Blonde on Blonde]]'' (1966) === * [[w:Ron Rosenbaum|Ron Rosenbaum]]: When you hear your songs in your mind, it's not just you strumming alone, you mean? * Dylan: Well, no, it is to begin with. But then I always hear other instruments, how they should sound. The closest I ever got to the sound I hear in my mind was on individual bands in the ''Blonde on Blonde'' album. It's that thin, that wild mercury sound. It's metallic and bright gold, with whatever that conjures up. That's my particular sound. I haven't been able to succeed in getting it all the time. Mostly, I've been driving at a combination of guitar, harmonica and organ, but now I find myself going into territory that has more percussion in it and [''pause''] rhythms of the soul. :* interview, ''Playboy'', March 1978 ==== ''[[w:Rainy Day Women #12 & 35|Rainy Day Women #12 & 35]]'' ==== * '''But I would not feel so all alone, everybody must get stoned!''' ==== ''[[w:Pledging My Time|Pledging My Time]]'' ==== * Somebody got lucky, but it was an accident. ==== ''[[w:Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again|Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again]]'' ==== [[File:Paparazzo_Presents_Bob_Dylan.jpg|thumb|right|Your debutante knows what you need, but I know what you want.]] * Oh Mama, can this really be the end? To be stuck inside of Mobile with the Memphis blues again? * And here I sit so patiently waiting to find out what price you have to pay to get out of going through all these things twice. * The one was Texas medicine, the other was just a railroad gin. And, like a fool, I mixed them; and it strangled up my mind. * '''Your debutante just knows what you need, but I know what you want.''' * You see, you're just like me. I hope you're satisfied. ==== ''[[w:Visions of Johanna|Visions of Johanna]]'' ==== * '''Ain't it just like the night to play tricks when you're trying to be so quiet?''' * '''We sit here stranded, though we're all doin' our best to deny it.''' * He's sure got a lotta gall to be so useless and all * '''Inside the museums, infinity goes up on trial.'''<br />Voices echo this is what salvation must be like after a while<br />But Mona Lisa must have had the highway blues<br />You can tell by the way she smiles * The ghost of electricity howls in the bones of her face. * '''Name me someone that's not a parasite and I'll go out and say a prayer for him.''' * '''But these visions of Johanna, they make it all seem so cruel.''' ==== ''[[w:I Want You|I Want You]]'' ==== * She is good to me<br/>And there's nothing she doesn't see<br />She knows where I'd like to be<br />But it doesn't matter<br /> ==== ''[[w:Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat|Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat]]'' ==== * Well, I see you got your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat<br />Yes, I see you got your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat<br />Well, you must tell me, baby<br />How your head feels under somethin' like that<br />Under your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat ** Compare: "I saw you riding 'round in your brand new automobile/ Yes I saw you ridin' around, babe, in your brand new automobile/ Yes you was sitting there happy with your handsome driver at the wheel/ In your brand new automobile." [[w:Lightnin' Hopkins|Lightnin' Hopkins]], ''Automobile Blues''. * I asked the doctor if I could see you<br />It's bad for your health, he said<br />Well, I disobeyed his orders, I came to see you but I found him there instead<br />Well, I don't mind him cheating on me but I sure wish he'd take that off his head<br />Your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat ==== ''[[w:Just Like A Woman|Just Like A Woman]]'' ==== * She takes just like a woman, yes she does<br />She makes love just like a woman, yes she does<br />And she aches just like a woman<br />But she breaks just like a little girl. ==== ''[[w:Most Likely You Go Your Way (And I'll Go Mine)|Most Likely You Go Your Way (And I'll Go Mine)]]'' ==== * You say you love me and you're thinking of me, but you know you might be wrong. ==== ''[[w:Absolutely Sweet Marie|Absolutely Sweet Marie]]'' ==== * '''But to live outside the law, you must be honest.''' * And now here I stand, looking at your yellow railroad, in the ruins of your balcony ==== ''[[w:Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands|Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands]]'' ==== *Sad-eyed lady of the lowlands, <br> Where the sad-eyed prophet says that no man comes, <br> My warehouse eyes, my Arabian drums, <br> Should I leave them by your gate, <br> Or, sad-eyed lady, should I wait? *With your sheets like metal and your belt like lace, <br> And your deck of cards missing the jack and the ace, <br> And your basement clothes and your hollow face, <br> '''Who among them can think he could outguess you?''' <!-- === ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits]]'' (1967) === --> === ''[[w:John Wesley Harding (album)|John Wesley Harding]]'' (1967) === ==== ''[[w:All Along the Watchtower|All Along the Watchtower]]'' ==== * "There must be some way out of here," said the Joker to the Thief<br /> * All along the watchtower, princes kept the view<br />While all the women came and went, barefoot servants too<br />Outside in the distance, a wild cat did growl<br />Two riders were approaching. The wind began to howl. ==== ''[[w:I Dreamed I Saw St Augustine|I Dreamed I Saw St Augustine]]'' ==== * I put my fingers against the glass, and bowed my head and cried ==== ''[[w:The Ballad of Frankie Lee and Judas Priest|The Ballad Of Frankie Lee And Judas Priest]]'' ==== * "Nothing is revealed" === ''[[w:Nashville Skyline|Nashville Skyline]]'' (1969) === ==== ''[[w:Lay Lady Lay|Lay Lady Lay]]'' ==== * '''Lay, lady, lay. Lay across my big, brass bed.''' * Whatever colors you have in your mind, I'll show them to you and you'll see them shine. * '''His clothes are dirty, but his hands are clean, and you're the best thing that he's ever seen.''' ==== ''[[w:Tonight I'll Be Staying Here With You|Tonight I'll Be Staying Here With You]]'' ==== * Throw my ticket out the window,<br>Throw my suitcase out there too,<br>Throw my troubles out the door, I don't need them anymore,<br>'Cause tonight I'll be staying here with you. === ''[[w:Self Portrait|Self Portrait]]'' (1970) === ==== ''[[w:Quinn The Eskimo (The Mighty Quinn)|Quinn The Eskimo (The Mighty Quinn)]]'' ==== * '''Ev'rybody's in despair, <br> Ev'ry girl and boy <br> But when Quinn the Eskimo gets here, <br> Ev'rybody's gonna jump for joy.''' * '''Come all without, come all within, <br> You'll not see nothing like the mighty Quinn.''' === ''[[w:New Morning (Bob Dylan album)|New Morning]]'' (1970) === ==== ''[[w:Time Passes Slowly|Time Passes Slowly]]'' ==== * Time passes slowly up here in the mountains === ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Vol. II|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Vol. II]]'' (1971) === ==== ''[[w:When I Paint My Masterpiece|When I Paint My Masterpiece]]'' ==== * Some day everything is gonna be different, when I paint my masterpiece. === ''[[w:Planet Waves|Planet Waves]]'' (1974) === ==== ''[[w:Forever Young (Bob Dylan song)|Forever Young]]'' ==== [[File:Bob dylan.jpg|thumb|right|May you build a ladder to the stars and climb on every rung. May your song always be sung, May you stay forever young.]] * '''May you build a ladder to the stars and climb on every rung. May your song always be sung, May you stay forever young.''' * May your hands always be busy. May your feet always be swift. May you have a strong foundation when the winds of changes shift. May your heart always be joyful. May your song always be sung. May you stay forever young. === ''[[w:Blood on the Tracks|Blood on the Tracks]]'' (1975) === ==== ''[[w:Tangled Up In Blue|Tangled Up In Blue]]'' ==== * Early one mornin' the sun was shinin',<br> I was layin' in bed <br> Wond'rin'if she'd changed at all <br> If her hair was still red. * '''Tangled up in blue...''' * Lord knows I've paid some dues gettin' through... * I helped her out of a jam, I guess, but I used a little too much force... * '''And every one of them words rang true and glowed like burnin' coal. Pourin' off of every page, like it was written in my soul from me to you...''' * '''The only thing I knew how to do was to keep on keepin' on like a bird that flew...''' * All the people we used to know, they're an illusion to me now... * Don't know how it all got started, I don't know what they do with their lives... * '''We always did feel the same, we just saw it from a different point of view...''' * '''But all the while I was alone <br> The past was close behind, <br> I seen a lot of women <br> But she never escaped my mind,<br> ''' * I lived with them on Montague Street <br> In a basement down the stairs <br> There was music in the cafes at night <br> And revolution in the air. ==== ''[[w:Idiot Wind|Idiot Wind]]'' ==== * '''You're an idiot, babe. It's a wonder that you still know how to breathe.''' * I can't help it if I'm lucky. * Visions of your chestnut mare shoot through my head and are makin' me see stars. * I waited for you on the running boards, near the cypress trees, while the springtime turned slowly into autumn. * Idiot wind, blowing through the buttons of our coats, blowing through the letters that we wrote.<br>Idiot wind, blowing through the dust upon our shelves,<br>'''We're idiots, babe. It's a wonder we can even feed ourselves.''' * It was gravity which pulled us in and destiny which broke us apart * You tamed the lion in my cage but it just wasn't enough to change my heart * Down the highway, down the tracks, down the road to ecstacy, <br> I followed you beneath the stars, hounded by your memory and all your ragin' glory * You'll never know the hurt I suffer, nor the pain I rise above, and I'll never know the same about you... * I kiss good-bye the howling beast on the borderline which separated you from me. ==== ''[[w:You're a Big Girl Now|You're a Big Girl Now]]'' ==== [[File:RegenbogenDSCN0352.JPG|thumb|right|Time is a jetplane — it moves too fast. Oh but what a shame that all we've shared can't last...]] * I'm going out of my mind, oh, oh; with a pain that stops and starts; like a corkscrew to my heart; Ever since we've been apart * A change in the weather is known to be extreme; but what's the sense in changing horses in mid-stream? * '''Time is a jetplane — it moves too fast. Oh but what a shame that all we've shared can't last...''' * Love is so simple, to quote a phrase; you've known it all the time, I'm learnin' it these days. * I know where I can find you — in somebody's room. It's the price I have to pay, you're a big girl all the way. ==== ''[[w:Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts|Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts]]'' ==== * Backstage the girls were playin' five-card stud by the stairs, <br> Lily had two queens, she was hopin' for a third to match her pair. <br> Outside the streets were fillin' up, the window was open wide, <br> A gentle breeze was blowin', you could feel it from inside. <br> Lily called another bet and drew up the Jack of Hearts. ==== ''[[w:Shelter from the Storm|Shelter from the Storm]]'' ==== * 'Twas in another lifetime, one of toil and blood<br>When blackness was a virtue, the road was full of mud.<br>I came in from the wilderness, a creature void of form,<br>'Come in,' she said, 'I'll give you shelter from the storm.' * '''Beauty walks a razor's edge, someday I'll make it mine.''' * Try imagining a place where it's always safe and warm... ==== ''[[w:If You See Her, Say Hello|If You See Her, Say Hello]]'' ==== * I always have respected her for doin' what she did and gettin' free * Say for me that I'm all right though things get kind of slow <br> She might think that I've forgotten her don't tell her it isn't so. * Sundown yellow moon I replay the past <br> '''I know every scene by heart they all went by so fast''' * ''' If she's passing back this way I'm not that hard to find <br> Tell her she can look me up if she's got the time.''' === ''[[w:The Basement Tapes|The Basement Tapes]]'' (1975) === ==== ''[[w:Down in the Flood|Crash On The Levee (Down In The Flood)]]'' (recorded 1967) ==== * Well, it's sugar for sugar<br />And salt for salt<br />If you go down in the flood<br />It's gonna be your own fault ** Compare: "I give you sugar for sugar, but all you want is salt for salt/ Well if you can't get along with me, then it's your own fault." [[w:Rabbit Brown|Richard Brown]], ''James Alley Blues''. ==== ''Open the Door, Homer'' (recorded 1967) ==== * Take care of all your memories. said my friend Mick, For you cannot relive them. ==== ''[[w:This Wheel's on Fire (song)|This Wheel's on Fire]]'' (recorded in 1967) ==== * If your mem'ry serves you well, we were gonna meet again and wait, so I think I'll just unpack my bags and sit before it gets too late. <br> No man alive will come to you with another tale to tell, but '''you know that we shall meet again, if your mem'ry serves you well.''' * If your memory serves you well, I was gonna confiscate your lace and wrap it up in a sailor's knot and hide it in your case. <br> And if I knew for sure that it was yours, it was oh so hard to tell, and you know that we shall meet again, if your memory serves you well. * If your memory serves you well, I remember you're the one who called out me to call out them to get your business done. <br> And after every plan has failed, and there was nothing left to tell, well you knew that we shall meet again if your memory serves you well. * '''Wheels on fire, rolling down the road, best notify my next of kin, this wheel shall explode!''' === ''[[w:Desire (Bob Dylan album)|Desire]]'' (1976) === ==== ''[[w:Hurricane (song)|Hurricane]]'' ==== * '''Here comes the story of The Hurricane, the man the authorities came to blame for something that he never done.''' </br> Put in a prison cell, but one time he coulda been the champion of the world. * Meanwhile, far away in another part of town,<br>Rubin Carter and a couple of friends are drivin’ around.<br>Number one contender for the middleweight crown,<br>Had no idea what kinda shit was about to go down.<br>When a cop pulled him over to the side of the road,<br>Just like the time before and the time before that.<br>In Paterson that’s just the way things go:<br>If you’re black you might as well not show up on the street<br>’Less you wanna draw the heat. * Couldn't help but make me feel ashamed to live in a land, where justice is a game. ==== ''[[w:Mozambique (song)|Mozambique]]'' ==== * There's lots of pretty girls in Mozambique. ==== ''Oh, Sister'' ==== * Don't turn away, you'll create sorrow,<br />Time is an ocean but it ends at the shore,<br />You may not see me tomorrow. === ''[[w:Street-Legal (album)|Street-Legal]]'' (1978) === ====''Changing of the Guards''==== * Gentlemen, he said I don't need your organization, I've shined your shoes<br>I've moved your mountains and marked your cards<br>But Eden is burning either get ready for elimination<br>Or else your hearts must have the courage for the changing of the guards<br><br>Peace will come with tranquility and splendor on the wheels of fire<br>But will offer no reward when her false idols fall<br>And cruel death surrenders with its pale ghost retreating<br>Between the King and the Queen of Swords ==== ''Señor (Tales of Yankee Power)'' ==== * Señor, señor, can you tell me where we’re heading? Lincoln County Road or Armageddon? ==== ''Is Your Love In Vain?'' ==== * Do you love me, or are you just extending good will? * I have dined with kings, I've been offered wings, and I've never been too impressed === ''[[w:Slow Train Coming|Slow Train Coming]]'' (1979) === ==== ''[[w:Gotta Serve Somebody|Gotta Serve Somebody]]'' ==== * It may be the Devil or it may be the Lord, but you're gonna have to serve somebody. * You may call me Bobby; you may call me Zimmy... ==== ''[[w:Precious Angel|Precious Angel]]'' ==== * Now there's spiritual warfare, flesh and blood breaking down. You either got faith or you got unbelief, and there ain't no neutral ground. * The enemy is subtle. How be it we're deceived? When the truth's in our hearts and we still don't believe. * My so-called friends have fallen under a spell: they look me squarely in the eye and say, "Well; all is well." * We are covered in blood, girl. You know both our forefathers were slaves. Let us hope they've found mercy in their bone-filled graves. ==== ''I Believe in You'' ==== * They'd like to drive me from this town; they don't want me around, 'cause I believe in you. * I believe in you even on the morning after. ==== ''[[w:Slow Train (Bob Dylan song)|Slow Train]]'' ==== * Have they counted the cost it'll take to bring down all the earthly principles they're gonna have to abandon? * All that foreign oil controlling American soil. Look around you, it's just bound to make you embarrassed: sheiks walking around like kings, wearing fancy jewels and nose rings, deciding America's future from Amsterdam and to Paris. * In the home of the brave, Jefferson turning over in his grave. * Man's ego's inflated, his laws are outdated. They don't apply no more. You can't rely no more to be standing around waiting. * Fools glorify themselves, trying to manipulate Satan. * The enemy I see wears a cloak of decency. * People starving and thirsting; grain elevators are bursting. You know, it costs more to store the food than it do to give it. * They talk about a life of brotherly love? Show me someone who knows how to live it. * It sure do bother me to see my loved ones turning into puppets. ==== ''Gonna Change My Way of Thinking'' ==== * (Alternate version.) A brave man will kill you with a sword, a coward with a kiss. ==== ''Do Right to Me Baby'' ==== * Don't wanna judge nobody — don't wanna be judged. ==== ''When You Gonna Wake Up'' ==== * You got some big dreams, baby, but in order to dream you gotta still be asleep. * Counterfeit philosophies have polluted all of your thoughts; [[Karl Marx]] has got you by the throat, and [[Henry Kissinger]]'s got you tied up into knots. * You got innocent men in jail, your insane asylums are filled. * Do you ever wonder just what God requires? You think he's just an errand boy to satisfy your wandering desires. * They tell you "Time is money," as if your life was worth its weight in gold. * When you gonna wake up and strengthen the things that remain? ==== ''When He Returns'' ==== * Truth is an arrow, and the gate is narrow that it passes through. === ''[[w:Shot of Love|Shot of Love]]'' (1981) === ==== ''[[w:Every Grain Of Sand|Every Grain Of Sand]]'' ==== [[File:PSR B1509-58 full.jpg|thumb|{{center/s}}In the fury of the [[moment]]<br />I can see the [[God|Master]]'s hand<br />In every leaf that trembles,<br />in every grain of sand.{{center/e}}]] * In the fury of the moment I can see the Master's hand<br />In every leaf that trembles, in every grain of sand * '''I am hanging in the balance of the reality of [[man]]<br />Like every sparrow falling, like every grain of sand''' ** Variant: "I am hanging in the balance of a perfect, finished plan" (''The Bootleg Series, Vols. 1–3'') === ''[[w:Infidels|Infidels]]'' (1983) === ==== ''Jokerman'' ==== * Freedom just around the corner for you, but with truth so far off, what good will it do? * Fools rush in where angels fear to tread, both of their futures so full of dread. * Shedding off one more layer of skin, keeping one step ahead of the persecutor within. * You go to Sodom and Gomorrah, but what do you care? Ain't nobody there would want to marry your sister. * You look into the fiery furnace, see the rich man without any name. * The book of Leviticus and Deuteronomy, the law of the jungle and the sea are your only teachers. * The rifleman's stalking the sick and the lame; preacherman seeks the same. Who'll get there first is uncertain. * A woman just gave birth to a prince today and dressed him in scarlet. He'll put the priest in his pocket, put the blade to the heat, take the motherless children off the street and place them at the feet of a harlot. ==== ''Sweetheart Like You'' ==== * A woman like you should be at home. That's where you belong, taking care of somebody nice who don't know how to do you wrong. * Just how much abuse will you be able to take? Well, there's no way to tell by the first kiss. * They say in your father's house there's many mansions; each one of 'em got a fireproof floor. * They say that patriotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings. * Steal a little and they throw you in jail; steal a lot and they make you king. * There's only one step down from here, baby. It's called the Land of Permanent Bliss. ==== ''Man of Peace'' ==== * Sometimes Satan comes as a man of peace. * Nobody sees through him — no, not even the chief of police. * He could be standing next to you, the person that you notice least. * He's following a star, the same one that the three men followed east. ==== ''I and I'' ==== * Some one else is speaking with my mouth, but I'm listening only to my heart. * Took a stranger to teach me to look into justice's beautiful face, and to see an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. ==== ''Union Sundown'' ==== * A lot of people complaining that there is no work. I say, "Why you say that for?" When nothin' you got is US-made — they don't make nothin' here no more. * Capitalism is above the law; it's said it don't count 'less it sells. * It's sundown on the union that was made in the USA. Sure was a good idea till greed got in the way. * Democracy don't rule the world; you'd better get that in your head. This world is ruled by violence. ==== ''Don't Fall Apart on Me Tonight'' ==== * Yesterday's just a memory; tomorrow's never what it's supposed to be. ==== ''License to Kill'' ==== * Man thinks 'cause he rules the earth, he can do with it as he please. And if things don't change soon, he will. * For man has invented his doom; first step was touching the moon. * Man is opposed to fair play: he wants it all, and he wants it his way. === ''[[w:Empire Burlesque|Empire Burlesque]]'' (1985) === ==== ''[[w:Tight Connection to My Heart (Has Anybody Seen My Love)|Tight Connection to My Heart (Has Anybody Seen My Love)]]'' ==== * What looks large from a distance, close up ain't never that big. ==== ''Dark Eyes'' ==== * I live in another world, where life and death are memorized. * I can hear another drum beating for the dead that rise, whom Nature's beast fears as they come. * '''Time is short and the days are sweet and passion rules the arrow that flies.''' * All I see are dark eyes. ==== ''Trust Yourself'' ==== * If you want somebody you can trust, trust yourself. === ''[[w:Biograph (album)|Biograph]]'' (1985) === ==== ''[[w:Abandoned Love|Abandoned Love]]'' (recorded 1975) ==== * I've been deceived by the clown inside of me. I thought that he was righteous but he's vain. * My patron saint is a-fighting with a ghost. He's always off somewhere when I need him most. * Let me feel your love one more time before I abandon it. ==== ''Up to Me'' (recorded 1974) ==== * '''I was just too stubborn to ever be governed by enforced insanity.''' * If I thought about it, I never would have done it, I guess I would have let it slide. * The old Rounder in the iron mask slipped me the master key, somebody had to unlock your heart, he said it was up to me. * It frightens me the awful truth of how sweet life can be. * When you bite off more than you can chew, you pay the penalty, somebody's got to tell the tale, I guess it must be up to me. * Somebody's got to cry some tears, I guess it must be up to me. === ''[[w:Knocked Out Loaded|Knocked Out Loaded]]'' (1986) === ==== ''Maybe Someday'' ==== * Forgive me, baby, for what I didn't do. ==== ''[[w:Brownsville Girl|Brownsville Girl]]'' (with [[w:Samuel Shepard Rogers|Sam Shepard]]) ==== * ''[Recounting a scene in [[w:The Gunfighter|The Gunfighter]]]'' Turn him loose, let him go, let him say he outdrew me fair and square — I want him to feel what it's like to every moment face his death. * I can't believe we've lived so long and are still so far apart. * I know she ain't you, but she's here, and she's got that dark rhythm in her soul. * She said, "Welcome to the land of the living dead," but you could tell she was so brokenhearted — she said, "Even the swap meets around here are getting pretty corrupt." * We're going all the way, till the wheels fall off and burn, till the sun peels the paint and the seat covers fade and the water moccasins die. * I didn't know whether to duck or to run, so I ran. * When I saw you break down in front of the judge and cry real tears, it was the best damn thing I saw anybody do. * I've always been the kind of person who doesn't like to trespass, but sometimes you just find yourself over the line. * I feel pretty good, but that ain't saying much — I could feel a whole lot better, if you were just here by my side to show me how. * The only thing we knew for sure about Henry Porter was that his name wasn't Henry Porter. * '''Strange how people who suffer together have stronger connections than those who are most content.''' * You always said people don't do what they believe in; they just do what's most convenient, then they repent. === ''[[w:Traveling Wilburys Vol. 1|Traveling Wilburys Vol. 1]]'' (1988) === ==== ''[[w:Tweeter and the Monkey Man|Tweeter and the Monkey Man]]'' ==== * Tweeter and the Monkey Man were hard up for cash<br>They stayed up all night selling cocaine and hash<br>To an undercover cop who had a sister named Jan<br>Who for reasons unexplained she loved the Monkey Man * Jan had told him many times "it was you to me who taught:<br> '''in Jersey anything's legal as long as you don't get caught'''" === ''[[w:Oh Mercy|Oh Mercy]]'' (1989) === ==== ''Political World'' ==== * We live in a political world<br/>Where peace is not welcome at all<br/>It's turned away from the door to wander some more<br/>Or put up against the wall. ==== ''Ring Them Bells'' ==== * Ring them bells Sweet Martha<br/>For the poor man's son<br/>Ring them bells so the world will know<br/>That God is one<br/>Oh, the shepherd is asleep<br/>Where the willows weep<br/>And the mountains are filled with lost sheep. ==== ''Man in the Long Black Coat'' ==== * There are no mistakes in life, some people say<br/>And it's true, sometimes you can see it that way<br/>People don't live or die, people just float<br/>She went with the man in the long black coat. * There’s smoke on the water, it’s been there since June<br/>Tree trunks uprooted, 'neath the high crescent moon<br/>Feel the pulse and vibration and the rumbling force<br/>Somebody is out there beating on a dead horse ==== ''Shooting Star'' ==== * Seen a shooting star tonight, and I thought of you. === ''[[w:Under the Red Sky|Under the Red Sky]]'' (1990) === ==== ''Hard Times In New York Town'' (recorded 1961) ==== * They'll kick you when you're up and knock you when you're down. ==== ''T.V. Talking Song'' ==== * Your mind is your temple, keep it beautiful and free. Don't let an egg get laid in it by something you can't see. === ''[[w:The Bootleg Series Volumes 1-3 (Rare & Unreleased) 1961-1991|The Bootleg Series Volumes 1-3 (Rare & Unreleased) 1961-1991]]'' (1991) === ==== ''[[w:Let Me Die In My Footsteps|Let Me Die In My Footsteps]]'' (recorded 1962) ==== * Let me die in my footsteps before I go under the ground. * I'd throw all the guns and the tanks in the sea, for they are mistakes of a past history. ==== ''Moonshiner'' (recorded 1963) ==== * The whole world's a bottle, And life's but a dram, When the bottle gets empty, It sure ain't worth a damn. ==== ''[[w:Angelina (Bob Dylan song)|Angelina]]'' (recorded 1981) ==== * '''When you cease to exist, then who will you blame?''' ==== ''Blind Willie McTell'' (recorded 1983) ==== * Well, God is in His heaven<br/> And we all want what's his<br/> But power and greed and corruptible seed<br/> Seem to be all that there is<br/> I'm gazing out the window<br/> Of the [[w:St. James Infirmary Blues|St. James Hotel]]<br/> And I know no one can sing the blues <br/> Like [[w:Blind Willie McTell|Blind Willie McTell]] === ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Volume 3|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Volume 3]]'' (1994) === ==== ''[[w:Dignity (Bob Dylan song)|Dignity]]'' ==== *Drinkin' man listens to the voice he hears, <br> In a crowded room full of covered up mirrors, <br> Lookin' into the lost forgotten years <br> For dignity === ''[[w:Time Out of Mind|Time Out of Mind]]'' (1997) === [[File:Bob Dylan - Azkena Rock Festival 2010 2.jpg|thumb|Behind every beautiful thing there's been some kind of pain]] ==== ''[[w:Love Sick|Love Sick]]'' ==== * I'm sick of love, and I'm in the thick of it. ==== ''[[w:Standing In The Doorway|Standing In The Doorway]]'' ==== * Last night I danced with a stranger, but she just reminded me you were the one. ==== ''[[w:Not Dark Yet|Not Dark Yet]]'' ==== * '''Behind every beautiful thing there's been some kind of pain''' * I know it looks like I'm moving, but I'm standing still <br> Every nerve in my body is so vacant and numb <br> I can't even remember what it was I came here to get away from. * I been down on the bottom of a whirlpool of lies * Don't even hear the murmur of a prayer. It's not dark yet, but it's getting there. ==== ''[[w:Make You Feel My Love|Make You Feel My Love]]'' ==== * I could hold you for a million years ==== ''[[w:Tryin’ to Get to Heaven|Tryin’ to Get to Heaven]]'' ==== * '''When you think that you’ve lost everything, you find out you can always lose a little more.''' ==== ''[[w:Highlands (song)|Highlands]]'' ==== * She says, you don’t read women authors do you?... I said, You’re way wrong. She says, Which ones have you read then? I say, I read Erica Jong! * Insanity is crashing up against my soul. === ''[[w:The Essential Bob Dylan|The Essential Bob Dylan]]'' (2000) === ==== ''[[w:Things Have Changed|Things Have Changed]]'' (recorded 1999) ==== * Feel like falling in love with the first woman I meet... Putting her in a wheel barrow and wheeling her down the street. * People are crazy and times are strange<br> I'm locked in tight, I'm out of range, <br> '''I used to care, but things have changed.''' * You can hurt someone and not even know it * I been walkin forty miles of bad road. If the Bible is right the world will explode. '''I've been trying to get as far away from myself as I can''' === ''[[w:Love and Theft (Bob Dylan album)|Love and Theft]]'' (2001) === ==== ''[[w:Mississippi (Bob Dylan song)|Mississippi]]'' ==== * My clothes are wet, tight on my skin. Not as tight as the corner that I've painted myself in. * '''You can always come back, but you can't come back all the way.''' * I'm walking through the leaves falling from the trees,<br>Feelin' like a stranger nobody sees. * So many things that we never will undo<br>I know you're sorry, I'm sorry too. * I'm drownin' in the poison, got not future got no past. * But my heart is not weary; it's light and it's free<br> I've got nothing but affection for those who've sailed with me. * Everybody movin', if they ain't already there. Everyboy got to move somewhere. * Things should start to get interesting right about now. ==== ''[[w:Summer Days|Summer Days]]'' ==== * Politician's got on his jogging shoes, he must be running for office, got no time to lose ==== ''[[w:Bye and Bye|Bye and Bye]]'' ==== * I'm sittin' on my watch so I can be on time. * '''The future for me is already a thing of the past.''' * I'm gonna baptize you in fire so you can sin no more. ==== ''Lonesome Day Blues'' ==== * Funny how the things you have the hardest time parting with are the things you need the least. * I'm gonna spare the defeated—I'm gonna speak to the crowd<br />I'm gonna spare the defeated, boys, I'm going to speak to the crowd<br />I am goin' to teach peace to the conquered<br />I'm gonna tame the proud ** Compare: "But yours will be the rulership of nations, / remember Roman, these will be your arts: / to teach the ways of peace to those you conquer, / to spare defeated peoples, tame the proud." ''The [[Aeneid]] of [[Virgil]]: A Verse Translation'' by [[Allen Mandelbaum]], 6.1134–1137. ==== ''Floater (Too Much to Ask)'' ==== * Down over the window<br />Comes the dazzling sunlit rays<br />Through the back alleys, through the blinds<br />Another one of them endless days * My old man he's like some feudal lord, got more lives than a cat. ==== ''High Water (for Charley Patton)'' ==== * Jump into the wagon, love, throw your panties overboard. * I can write you poems, make a strong man lose his mind. * As great as you are, man, you’ll never be greater than yourself. * '''Don’t reach out for me, she said. Can’t you see I’m drowning too?''' ==== ''[[w:Cry A While|Cry A While]]'' ==== * Last night across the alley there was a pounding on the wall<br />It must have been Don Pascuale making a two a.m. booty call === ''[[w:Modern Times (Bob Dylan album)|Modern Times]]'' (2006) === ==== ''Thunder on the Mountain'' ==== * Gonna forget about myself for a while, gonna go out and see what others need. * Feel like my soul is beginning to expand. Look into my heart and you will sort of understand. ==== ''[[w:Nettie Moore|Nettie Moore]]'' ==== * The world of research has gone berserk. Too much paperwork. ==== ''Workingman's Blues #2'' ==== * Some people never work a day in their lives, don't know what work even means. ==== ''[[w:Ain't Talkin'|Ain't Talkin']]'' ==== * '''If I catch my opponents ever sleepin', I'll just slaughter 'em where they lie.''' === ''[[w:Together Through Life (Bob Dylan album)|Together Through Life]]'' (2009) === ==== ''I Feel A Change Coming On'' ==== [[File:Bob Dylan in Norwich Connecticut June 2005-1.jpg|thumb|right|I'm listening to [[w:Billy Joe Shaver|Billy Joe Shaver]]<br> And I'm reading [[James Joyce]]<br>Some people they tell me<br> I've got the blood of the land in my voice.]] * I'm listening to [[w:Billy Joe Shaver|Billy Joe Shaver]]<br> And I'm reading [[James Joyce]]<br>Some people they tell me<br> I've got the blood of the land in my voice ==== ''Forgetful Heart'' ==== * The door has closed for evermore,<br>If indeed there ever was a door. === ''[[w:The Bootleg Series Vol. 9: The Witmark Demos: 1962–1964|The Bootleg Series Vol. 9: The Witmark Demos: 1962–1964]]'' (2010) === ==== ''Long Time Gone'' (recorded 1962) ==== * Just give to me my gravestone<br />With it clearly carved upon:<br />"I'm a long time a-comin'<br />An' I'll be a long time gone" ==== ''Gypsy Lou'' (recorded 1963) ==== * She left one too many a boy behind<br />He committed suicide === ''[[w:Tempest (Bob Dylan album)|Tempest]]'' (2012) === ==== ''Soon After Midnight'' ==== * It's soon after midnight, and I got a date with a fairy queen ==== ''Pay in Blood'' ==== * Another politician pumpin' out the piss. ==== ''Tin Angel'' ==== * He bent in the middle like a twisted pin === ''[[w:Rough and Rowdy Ways|Rough and Rowdy Ways]]'' (2020) === ==== ''My Own Version of You'' ==== * Long before the First Crusade, way back before England or America was made. * Mr. Freud with his dreams, Mr. Marx with his ax. ==== ''Mother of Muses'' ==== * Who cleared the path for Presley to sing<br />Who carved out the path for Martin Luther King ==== ''Crossing the Rubicon'' ==== * I lit the torch, I looked to the east, and I crossed the Rubicon. ==== ''Key West (Philosopher Pirate)'' ==== * I’m so deep in love that I can hardly see. * Well, it might not be the thing to do, but I’m sticking with you through and through. == Quotes about Dylan == [[File:Bundesarchiv Bild 183-1988-0719-38, Bruce Springsteen, Konzert in der DDR.jpg|thumb|Bob [[freed]] your [[mind]] the way [[Elvis]] freed your [[body]]. ~ [[Bruce Springsteen]]]] *Bob Dylan's enormous influence on mid-'60s rock not only led directly to the birth of folk rock but also inspired the psychedelic rockers who followed. **{{w|Jim DeRogatis}} <ref>DeRogatis, Jim. ''Turn On Your Mind: Four Decades of Great Psychedelic Rock''. pg. 87. Hal Leonard.</ref> *He might rarely pick up a six-string these days, but back in the day, Dylan started a folk revolution with nothing but a beat-up old acoustic and a suitcase full of songs. Dylan made it look so easy that a legion of earnest young strummers picked up the guitar. They discovered the truth when they started trying to play like him, though. Elaborate fingerpicking, open tunings, ear-catching runs and an impeccable sense of rhythm were the foundation that the Dylan legend was built on. He sourced his skills from legends of folk and blues, and combined them into something bitingly original. Hands down the best singer-songwriter ever to do it. **Rob Power of ''{{w|MusicRadar}}'' (June 16, 2017) [https://www.musicradar.com/news/the-top-20-acoustic-guitar-heroes-of-all-time] *It took Bob Dylan to break the ice between the [country and rock music] camps. [...] While it would be a stretch to call Blonde on Blonde a country-rock record, the fact that Dylan, arguably the most important person in rock at the time, cut an album in the home of country music soon brought an influx of other musicians to Nashville. As Charlie McCoy, the multi-instrumentalist who starred on Blonde told Nashville Scene in 2011, “That's when the floodgates opened." **Dave Lifton of ''{{w|Ultimate Classic Rock}}'' (December 16, 2016) [https://ultimateclassicrock.com/country-rock-history-part-1/?utm_source=tsmclip&utm_medium=referral] * The Nobel Prize for Literature is yet another step towards [[immortality]] for Bob Dylan. The rebellious, reclusive, unpredictable artist/composer is exactly where the Nobel Prize for Literature needs to be. His gift with words is unsurpassable. Out of my repertoire spanning 60 years, no songs have been more moving and worthy in their depth, darkness, fury, mystery, beauty and humour than Bob's. None has been more of a pleasure to sing. None will come again. ** [[Joan Baez]], as quoted in [http://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-37655068 "Bob Dylan: Nobel Prize is a step towards immortality, says Joan Baez"], BBC.com (14 October 2016) * A voice like sand and glue. ** [[David Bowie]], "[[w:Song for Bob Dylan|Song for Bob Dylan]]" (1971) * To me, [giving the Nobel Prize to Bob Dylan] is like pinning a medal on Mount Everest for being the highest mountain. ** [[Leonard Cohen]], ''[https://www.theguardian.com/music/2016/oct/14/leonard-cohen-giving-nobel-to-bob-dylan-like-pinning-medal-on-everest Guardian]'' (14 October 2016) *I relied on Bob Dylan as a seer who literally channeled the mood of the revolution. His John Wesley Harding album, named for a famous outlaw, had thrilled me the year before, especially "All Along the Watchtower," which seemed to me a coda for revolution. Some of the women in our group and many in the new women's movement had turned against Dylan and other artists for their misogyny, and I couldn't deny its presence in many lyrics. **[[Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz]] ''Outlaw Woman'' (2001) * Dylan is to me the perfect symbol of the anti-artist in our society. He is against everything—the last resort of someone who doesn't really want to change the world. ... I think his poetry is punk. It's derivative and terribly old hat. ... Dylan songs accept the world as it is. ** [[w:Ewan MacColl|Ewan MacColl]], interview with Karl Dallas, "Focus on MacColl", ''Melody Maker'' (18 September 1965), p. 23. Quoted in ''No Direction Home: The Life and Music of Bob Dylan'' (1986) by Robert Shelton, p. 296. * '''Bob Dylan took a lot of air out of the room when it came to songwriters. Everybody had a tough row to hoe distinguishing themselves once Bob invented our job.''' **[[w:Steve Earle|Steve Earle]], quoted at [http://www.austin360.com/music/content/music/stories/2009/05/0518earle.html "Homage to Townes" at ''Austin360.com'' (18 May 2009)] * I saw [[Bob Dylan]] a couple of weeks ago (this being, what, December 1994?) and he was saying… “Who owns all the money? Who owns the media?”. As he travels around the world, he notices that all the media change their story every week, and someone is directing that. And “Who owns all the money?”, he was saying. And it was like he knew that he had a great deal of power, to influence people’s psyches, or minds, or thinking, or psychology, or opinion-ation, and yet his power was miniscule, compared to the power of the moguls of the media. And in America it’s only 22 people who run… who own… 80 percent of the mass-media, so that the… it would be very difficult for a poem… for a poet… to overcome that barrage of bullshit.<br/>On the other hand, '''[[poetry]] is the only place where you get an individual person telling his subjective truth, what he really thinks, as distinct from what he wants people to think he thinks''' (like a politician or someone preparing an editorial in a dignified newspaper). So if you need the historical truth of what people think inside, you have to follow [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|Shelley]] (and his admonition is that poets are the “unacknowledged legislators of the race”) — or what [[William Carlos Williams]] said more acutely was, “The government is of words”.<br/>After all, the people making [[political]] speeches, they’re writing [[prose]], if not [[poetry]], and they are trying to get a little flowery language in there, but the language is shifty, and the language is [[manipulation|manipulative]], and people who are [[advertising]], or even doing ordinary mass-media, are still inhibited and can’t say what they really think, but the poet can say what he really thinks, authentically, and that’s the advantage, and it’s longer-lasting than the immediate radio-broadcast or television-broadcast, because '''a poem is like a radio that can broadcast continually, for thousands of years.''' And so, in the long run, it may have an ameliorating effect on the spirit. ** [[Allen Ginsberg]], [https://allenginsberg.org/2011/11/bbc-face-to-face-interview-1994-asv21/ Face to Face], ''[[w:British Broadcasting Corporation|BBC]]'', 1994. *'''What I wanted to do with Bobby''' was just to get him to sound in the studio as natural, just as he was in person, and have that extraordinary personality come thru. ... After all, he's not a great harmonica player, and he's not a great guitar player, and he's not a great singer. He just happens to be an original. And I just wanted to have that originality come thru. **[[w:John Hammond (producer)| John Hammond]] (Dylan's first producer), [[Pop Chronicles]], [[http://digital.library.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metadc19789/m1/ Show 31 - Ballad in Plain D: An introduction to the Bob Dylan era. Part 1], interview [http://archive.is/LGBW recorded 10.4.1968]. * '''The minute you try to grab hold of Dylan, he's no longer where he was. He's like a flame: If you try to hold him in your hand you'll surely get burned.''' Dylan's life of change and constant disappearances and constant transformations makes you yearn to hold him, and to nail him down. And that's why his fan base is so obsessive, so desirous of finding the truth and the absolutes and the answers to him — things that Dylan will never provide and will only frustrate. ... '''Dylan is difficult and mysterious and evasive and frustrating, and it only makes you identify with him all the more as he skirts identity.''' ** [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]], about his choice of 6 people to portray Dylan in his film ''[[I'm Not There]]'', in [http://blogs.suntimes.com/scanners/2007/10/how_does_it_feel_footnote_feti.html "Footnote fetishism & "I'm Not There" by Jim Emerson" at ''The Sun-Times'' (9 October 2007)] * Slight, wiry, his blond, curly hair worn long, Bob Dylan never wears a tie and never lets anyone else make decisions for him. His unshakable [[independence]] courses through his songs—some of them wryly irreverent, others harshly critical of what he regards as [[hypocrisy]] and [[cruelty]]. His voice is acrid but curiously compelling, and he has become the most influential folksinger among today's teenagers—as well as among older dissenters. [...] Now 24, he is less the angry preacher of causes than he was two years ago. His songs have become more warmly personal and more deftly witty. He is cactus on the outside and [[romance|romantic]] [[revolution|revolutionary]] within. He has no ideology except that of inner [[freedom]]. He is his own man. ** [[Nat Hentoff]], [http://www.mediafire.com/view/za1l4i1dftotwg9/.png "Cosmo Listens to Records"], [[w:Cosmopolitan (magazine)|''Cosmopolitan'']] (November 1965) * He had a lovely voice, but he was also, I think, a great poet. And he was the background music to a lot of people of my age. I don't take a lot of stock in generational thought, as you know. I think generational solidarity is the lowest form of solidarity there is. But I think that for every decade or so, every generational set, there is a special voice. And certainly for my lot, it was him. ** [[Christopher Hitchens]], interview on [http://www.hughhewitt.com/christopher-hitchens-on-his-memoir-hitch-22/ The Hugh Hewitt Show] (13 July 2010) * My hero was and still is Bob Dylan. ** [[Kazuo Ishiguro]], in [https://www.theguardian.com/books/2005/feb/19/fiction.kazuoishiguro Profile: Kazuo Ishiguro], ''The Guardian'' (19 February 2005) * I defy you to say what he'll be doing six months from now. He's just driven by pure art. You know, his son said to me..."There is no doubt that if my dad had never made it, if he was sitting on the side of the sidewalk with his guitar and a hat out in front of him, he would be doing precisely doing the same songs. His whole career would be exactly the same." Now, there is certainly hyperbole in that, but it's kind of, sort of true... If we have anybody who's [[Shakespeare]] in our time, it's Dylan, and he just speaks to me more and more, and he once said in an interview that the purpose of art was to inspire, and when you see a Dylan show...You would think he's so good, you know—if you go see a jazz cat who's so good playing bass, you can leave that show going, "Why even pick up a bass again?" But for some reason—and I'm not the only one that feels this—at the end of the Dylan show, art just seems so good. I want to go write a play, or write a novel. I'll stay up all night and write a song. And you don't care that it's not as good. The other thing that I love about Dylan is he is a freak, not a cheerleader... Dylan just stands there and says, "I am speaking for me. Maybe some of this is true for you to. I don't know. But I'm digging so deep." All of his mining, you know, is going towards his heart and deeper into his brain. He makes no attempt, that I can tell, to say, "Oh yeah, this is gonna kill 'em. This is what they'll like." And that's where universality has to live. You can't be universal if you're trying to please other people. You can only be universal if you have so clearly who you are, and Dylan has no idea who he is, but he's still searching and he's sharing that process with us. ** [[Penn Jillette]], [https://reason.com/archives/2016/08/02/penn-jillette-on-libertarianism-election/9 ReasonTV interview] (2 August 2016) * The conversation was flat. Suddenly, however, Dylan leapt to his feet and started berating me. He said, for example, something like, 'You'll never understand it; it happens so fast it'll go right past you,' and more of the same. I was startled, yes, but kept on trying to ask sensible, interesting questions; the attack persisted. I shrugged and left. The whole episode was entirely unprovoked... That evening, I went to the concert. My opinion then and now was that the music was unpleasant, the lyrics inflated, and Dylan a self-indulgent whining show-off. ** [[w:Horace Freeland Judson|Horace Freeland Judson]], as quoted in ''Down The Highway: The Life Of Bob Dylan'' (2011) by Howard Sounes, p. 179 * Musically, Dylan's not very gifted; he's borrowed his voice from old hillbillies. He's got a lot of borrowed things. He's not a great guitar player. He’s invented a character to deliver his songs ... it's a mask of sorts. ** [[Joni Mitchell]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZY8aDg_dTI Interview with CBC] (2013), as quoted in [https://faroutmagazine.co.uk/joni-mitchell-bob-dylan-fake-plagiarist-comments-feud/ "Why Joni Mitchell once labelled Bob Dylan 'a plagiarist'"] by Joe Taysom, ''[[w:Far Out Magazine|Far Out Magazine]]'' (4 June 2021) * He's one of the great artists of the century. ** [[Andrew Motion]], as quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/uk/1999/oct/03/vanessathorpe.theobserver1 "Laureate gives laurels to Dylan"], ''The Guardian'' (3 October 1999) *I can still picture Bob Dylan, with just a bassist, a piano player, and his guitar, tenderly reworking "The Times They Are a-Changin'." When finished, he stepped off the stage, shook my hand, gave a little grin and bow in front of me and Michelle, and vanished without a word. **[[Barack Obama]] ''A Promised Land'' (2020) * "The stage is the only place where I'm happy." But this has its own sadnesses, like so much love. '''He is the one person who has to be at a Dylan concert and the one person who can't go to a Dylan concert.''' ** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], ''Dylan's Visions of Sin'' (2003), concluding words, p. 490 * '''A day doesn't go by when I don't listen to Dylan or at least think about him and his art.''' I just think we're terrifically lucky to be alive at a time when he is. ** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], as quoted in [http://www.nytimes.com/2004/06/09/books/dylan-master-poet-don-t-think-twice-it-s-all-right.html "Dylan, Master Poet? Don't Think Twice, It's All Right"] by Charles McGrath, ''The New York Times'' (9 June 2004) * Five years ago [Dylan] played a concert here at the university and I had no hand in arranging it; I was told about it rather late and could have killed the organizers. Shortly before the concert I received word to come backstage, so my wife and I went half an hour before the show. And Dylan said: "Mr Ricks, we meet at last." My reply was: "Have you read any good books lately?" [...] and he said: "[[Richard III (play)|Richard III]]". [...] Dylan wasn't at all surprised by my question and he really did want to talk about Richard III. ** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], interview with Ieva Lesinska: [http://www.eurozine.com/a-lesson-in-dylan-appreciation/ "A lesson in Dylan appreciation"], ''Eurozine'' (11 April 2008) * Dylan creates a [[mythic]] atmosphere out of the land around us. The land we walk on every day and never see until someone shows it to us. ** [[w:Sam Shepard|Sam Shepard]], ''The Rolling Thunder Logbook'' (1977), p. 63 * Dylan has invented himself. He's made himself up from scratch. That is, from the things he had around him and inside him. Dylan is an invention of his own mind. '''The point isn't to figure him out but to take him in.''' He gets into you anyway, so why not just take him in? He's not the first one to have invented himself, but he's the first one to have invented Dylan... ** [[w:Sam Shepard|Sam Shepard]], ''The Rolling Thunder Logbook'' (1977), p. 100 * Dylan was a revolutionary. '''Bob freed your mind the way Elvis freed your body.''' ... '''To this day, wherever great rock music is being made, there is the shadow of Bob Dylan.''' ** [[Bruce Springsteen]], speech for Dylan's inauguration into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (20 January 1988), quoted in ''Dylan: behind the shades'' (1991) by Clinton Heylin, p. 422 *Dylan's heart rests in his vocation. He is a white bluesman par excellence. His voice is born out of that vocation, informed by a vision rooted in reaching and teaching as many people as possible. **[[Cornel West]] ''Brother West: Living and Loving Out Loud, A Memoir'' (2009) * '''Dylan is free now to work on his own terms. It would be foolish to predict what he will do next.''' But hopefully he will remain a mediator, using the language of pop to transcend it. If the gap between past and present continues to widen, such mediation may be crucial. '''In a communications crisis, the true prophets are the translators.''' ** [[Ellen Willis]], in "Dylan" in ''Representative Men : Cult Heroes of Our Time'' (1970) edited by Theodore L. Gross * I'll never be Bob Dylan. He's the master. If I'd like to be anyone, it's him. And he's a great writer, true to his music and done what he feels is the right thing to do for years and years and years. He's great. He's the one I look to. I'm always interested in what he's doing now, or did last, or did a long time ago that I didn't find out about. The guy has written some of the greatest poetry and put it to music in a way that it touched me, and other people have done that, but not so consistently or as intensely. Like me, he waits around and keeps going, and he knows that he doesn't have the muse all the time, but he knows that it'll come back and it'll visit him and he'll have his moment. ** [[Neil Young]], [http://content.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1110988,00.html "The Resurrection of Neil Young"], ''Time'' magazine interview (28 September 2005) *There was a new popular music of protest. [[Pete Seeger]] had been singing protest songs since the forties, but now he came into his own, his audiences much larger. [[Bob Dylan]] and [[Joan Baez]], singing not only protest songs, but songs reflecting the new abandon, the new culture, became popular idols. A middle-aged woman on the West Coast, [[Malvina Reynolds]], wrote and sang songs that fit her socialist thinking and her libertarian spirit, as well as her critique of the modern commercial culture. **[[Howard Zinn]], ''A People’s History of the United States'' *You don't know someone's changing the world until the world's been changed. **[https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/14/arts/music/daniel-kramer-dead.html Daniel Kramer, Who Photographed Bob Dylan’s Rise, Dies at 91] ''New York Times'', 14 May 2024 == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{commonscat}} * [http://www.expectingrain.com/jokes.html Bob Dylan Jokes]on [http://www.expectingrain.com Expecting Rain] * [http://bobdylan.com/songs/ Bob Dylan Lyrics] * [http://web.archive.org/20041023091533/www.geocities.com/temptations_page/encomium.html Quotes about Bob Dylan] * [http://www.slopbucket.com/bob/tbob/writtenword.html Searchable database of Bob's written word] * [http://www.geocities.ws/linwood//cinema/Dylan-Film/ Film dialogue in the lyrics of Bob Dylan.] {{DEFAULTSORT:Dylan, Bob}} [[Category:Guitarists from the United States]] [[Category:Multi-instrumentalists]] [[Category:Singer-songwriters from the United States]] [[Category:Folk singers]] [[Category:Poets from the United States]] [[Category:Jews from the United States]] [[Category:1941 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Rock singers]] [[Category:American folk music]] [[Category:Folk rock singers]] [[Category:Blues]] [[Category:Nobel laureates in Literature]] [[Category:People from Minnesota]] [[Category:Nobel laureates from the United States]] [[Category:Presidential Medal of Freedom recipients]] 8xvgzb3gpx0ainwjdez4rvzea3hlw9i 3778788 3778757 2025-07-14T18:24:16Z A23423413 3125316 /* Quotes about Dylan */ add 3778788 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Bob Dylan Barcelona.jpg|thumb|right|If your time to you is worth savin’ <br> Then you better start swimmin’ or you’ll sink like a stone <br> For the times they are a-changin’.]] [[File:Bob Dylan June 23 1978.jpg|thumb|right|a poem is a naked person . . . some people say that i am a poet]] [[File:Bob Dylan in November 1963-3.jpg|thumb|right|I think of a hero as someone who understands the degree of responsibility that comes with his freedom.]] [[File:Joan Baez Bob Dylan.jpg|thumb|right|People today are still living off the table scraps of the sixties. They are still being passed around — the music and the ideas.]] [[File:Bob Dylan in November 1963-5.jpg|thumb|right|We may not be able to defeat these swine, but we don't have to join them.]] [[File:Bob Dylan in Toronto2.jpg|thumb|right|Morality has nothing in common with politics.]] [[File:Ginsberg-dylan.jpg|thumb|right|I don't call myself a poet, because I don't like the word.]] [[File:Bob Dylan 1996.jpg|thumb|right|Don't ask me nothin' about nothin'. I just might tell you the truth.]] '''[[w:Bob Dylan|Bob Dylan]]''' (born '''Robert Allen Zimmerman''' on [[May 24]], [[1941]]) is an American [[w:folk music|folk]] and [[w:rock music|rock]] singer-songwriter, born in [[w:Hibbing, Minnesota|Duluth, Minnesota]]. In 2016 Dylan received the Nobel Prize in Literature, "for having created new poetic expressions within the great American song tradition". == Quotes == * Anything I can sing, I call a song. Anything I can't sing, I call a poem. ** [https://bobdylan.com/albums/freewheelin-bob-dylan/ Liner notes], ''[[w:The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan|The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan]]'' (1963) * Because [[Charles Dickens|Dickens]] and [[Fyodor Dostoyevsky|Dostoyevsky]] and [[Woody Guthrie]] were telling their stories much better than I ever could, I decided to stick to my own mind. ** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/63-aug.htm "Only Human Driftin' And Learnin'"] by Sidney Fields, ''New York Mirror'' (9 December 1963) * '''There's no black and white, left and right to me anymore; there's only up and down and down is very close to the ground.''' And I'm trying to go up without thinking about anything trivial such as politics. They has got nothing to do with it. I'm thinking about the general people and when they get hurt. ** Address to the [[w:National Emergency Civil Liberties Committee|Emergency Civil Liberties Committee]] (13 December 1963) * I am a writer an a singer of the words I write I am no speaker nor any politician an my songs speak for me because I write them in the confinement of my own mind an have t cope with no one except my own self. ** Letter sent to the [[w:National Emergency Civil Liberties Committee|ECLC]] after Dylan received the Tom Paine Award at the Bill of Rights dinner on December 13, 1963, as reported in [http://www.hotpress.com/Bob-Dylan/music/interviews/Mr-Dylan-Regrets/2836632.html "Mr. Dylan Regrets"] by Niall Stokes, ''[[w:Hot Press|Hot Press]]'' (11 November 2005) * do Not create anything, it will be<br />misinterpreted. it will not change.<br />it will follow you the rest of your life. ** "Advice for Geraldine on Her Miscellaneous" (1964) * '''a poem is a naked person . . . some people say that I am a poet''' ** [http://bobdylan.com/linernotes/bringing.html Liner notes], ''[[w:Bringing It All Back Home|Bringing It All Back Home]]'' (1965) * He's a pinboy. He also wears suspenders. He's a real person. You know him, but not by that name... I saw him come into the room one night and he looked like a camel. He proceeded to put his eyes in his pocket. I asked this guy who he was and he said, "That's Mr. Jones." Then I asked this cat, "Doesn't he do anything but put his eyes in his pocket?" And he told me, "He puts his nose on the ground." It's all there, it's a true story. ** When asked about the meaning of the song "Ballad of a Thin Man" during a 1965 interview. * You don't necessarily have to write to be a poet. Some people work in gas stations and they're poets. '''I don't call myself a poet because I don't like the word.''' I'm a trapeze artist. ** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/65-aug.htm Bob Dylan Interview] by Nora Ephron & Susan Edmiston (1965) * I find it easy to write songs. I been writing songs for a long time and the words to the songs aren't written out just for the paper; they're written as you can read it, you dig. '''If you take whatever there is to the song away—the beat, the melody—I could still recite it.''' I see nothing wrong with songs you can't do that with either—songs that, if you took the beat and the melody away, they wouldn't stand up because they're not supposed to do that, you know. Songs are songs. ** Interview with Paul Robbins (March, 1965) * I accept [[chaos]]. I am not sure whether it accepts me. I know there are some people terrified of [[w:Atomic bomb|the bomb]], but there are others terrified to be seen carrying a [[w:Modern Screen|''Modern Screen'' magazine]]. Experience teaches that [[silence]] terrifies the most. ** As quoted in [http://www.mediafire.com/view/za1l4i1dftotwg9/.png "Cosmo Listens to Records"] by [[Nat Hentoff]], in [[w:Cosmopolitan (magazine)|''Cosmopolitan'']] (November 1965) *'''Reporter:''' How many people who labor in the same musical vineyard in which you toil - how many are protest singers? That is, people who use their music, and use the songs to protest the, uh, social state in which we live today: the matter of war, the matter of crime, or whatever it might be. <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Um...how ''many?'' <br>'''Reporter:''' Yes. How many? <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Uh, I think there's about, uh...136. <br>'''Reporter:''' You say ''about'' 136, or you mean ''exactly'' 136? <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Uh, it's either 136 or 142. ** Press conference in Los Angeles, California (17 December 1965), as seen and heard in ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]''. * '''Bob Dylan''': I ''do'' know what my songs are about.<br />'''Playboy''': And what's that?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': Oh, some are about four minutes; some are about five, and some, believe it or not, are about eleven or twelve. ** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/66-jan.htm Playboy Interview] (February 1966) * Colleges are like old-age homes; except for the fact that more people die in colleges. ** Playboy Interview (February 1966) * I don't believe you! You're a liar! ... Play it fucking loud! ** Dylan's response to the shout of "Judas" by a heckler, followed by his instructions to his band over the count-in to "Like A Rolling Stone." Heard on [[w:The Bootleg Series Vol. 4: Bob Dylan Live 1966, The "Royal Albert Hall" Concert|The Bootleg Series Vol. 4: Bob Dylan Live 1966]] * Keep a good head and always carry a light bulb. ** Heard in the [[w:D. A. Pennebaker|D. A. Pennebaker]] documentary ''[[w:Dont Look Back|Dont Look Back]]''<!-- [sic] --> (1967) * '''God, I'm glad I'm not me.''' ** Said when reading a newspaper article about himself in ''[[w:Dont Look Back|Dont Look Back]]'' (1967) * You have to be let alone to really accomplish anything. ** Interview by Hubert Saal, "Dylan is Back," ''Newsweek'' (26 February 1968) * I used to think that myself and my songs were the same thing. But I don't believe that any more. There's myself and there's my song, which I hope is everybody's song. ** Interview by Hubert Saal, "Dylan is Back," ''Newsweek'' (26 February 1968) * My songs always sound a lot better in person than they do on the record. ** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/bob-dylan-talks-a-raw-and-extensive-first-rolling-stone-interview-19691129 The Rolling Stone Interview: Bob Dylan] (29 November 1969) * Greed and lust I can understand, but I can't understand the values of definition and confinement. Definition destroys. Besides, there's nothing definite in this world. ** [http://www.punkhart.com/dylan/interviews/sep_1976.html Neil Hickey TV Guide interview] (11 September 1976) * '''Ron Rosenbaum''': Why are you doing what you're doing?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': [Pause] Because I don't know anything else to do. I'm good at it.<br />'''Ron Rosenbaum''': How would you describe "it"?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': I'm an artist. I try to create art. ** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/play78.htm Playboy Interview] (1978) * I consider myself a poet first and a musician second. I live like a poet and I'll die like a poet. ** [http://www.expectingrain.com/dok/int/shelton1978.07.29.html Interview] with Robert Shelton, ''[[w:Melody Maker|Melody Maker]]'' (29 July 1978) * '''Art is the perpetual motion of illusion.''' The highest purpose of art is to inspire. What else can you do? What else can you do for anyone but inspire them? ** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/features/the-rolling-stone-interview-bob-dylan-19780126 Bob Dylan: The Rolling Stone Interview] by Jonathan Cott (26 January 1978) * I kinda live where I find myself. ** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/features/the-rolling-stone-interview-bob-dylan-19840621 The Rolling Stone Interview: Bob Dylan] (21 June 1984) * I think women rule the world, and that no man has ever done anything that a woman either hasn't allowed him to do or encouraged him to do. ** Rolling Stone interview (21 June 1984) * I wanted just a song to sing, and there came a certain point where I couldn't sing anything. So I had to write what I wanted to sing 'cos nobody else was writing what I wanted to sing. ** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/84-jul30.htm Interview] with Bert Kleinman (30 July 1984). Cf. [[C. S. Lewis]]: "People won't write the books I want, so I have to do it for myself." * At certain times I read a lot of poetry. My favorite poets are [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|Shelley]] and [[Keats]]. [[Rimbaud]] is so identifiable. [[Lord Byron]]. I don't know. Lately if I read poems, it's like I can always hear the guitar. Even with [[Shakespeare]]'s [[The Sonnets|sonnets]] I can hear a melody because it's all broken up into timed phrases so I hear it. I always keep thinking, 'What kind of song would this be?' ** Interview with Denise Worrell, "'It's All Right in Front': Dylan on Life and Rock" in ''Time'' (25 November 1985) * '''Chaos is a friend of mine.''' ** ''Newsweek'' (9 December 1985) * '''I think of a hero as someone who understands the degree of responsibility that comes with his freedom.''' ** Interview published with the ''[[w:Biograph (album)|Biograph]]'' album set (1985) * If the songs are dreamed, it's like my voice is coming out of their dream. ** Quoted in [[w:Robert Shelton (critic)|Robert Shelton]]'s ''No Direction Home'' (1986), p. 281 * '''I think a poet is anybody who wouldn't call himself a poet.''' Anybody who could possibly call himself a poet just cannot be a poet. ** Quoted in Robert Shelton's [https://books.google.com/books?id=-IefAAAAMAAJ&dq=%22I+think+a+poet+is+anybody+who+wouldn%27t+call+himself+a+poet.%22&focus=searchwithinvolume&q=%22I+think+a+poet+is+anybody+who+wouldn%27t+call+himself+a+poet.+Anybody+who+could+possibly+call+himself+a+poet+just+cannot+be+a+poet.%22 ''No Direction Home''] (1986), p. 353 * When I first heard Elvis's voice I just knew that I wasn't going to work for anybody and nobody was going to be my boss. He is the deity supreme of rock and roll religion as it exists in today's form. Hearing him for the first time was like busting out of jail. I think for a long time that freedom to me was Elvis singing 'Blue Moon of Kentucky.' I thank God for Elvis. ** ''Us Weekly'' (24 August 1987); on the occasion of the tenth anniversary of [[Elvis Presley]]'s death, as reported in ''Bob Dylan: Performing Artist 1986–1990 and Beyond, Mind out of Time'' (2009) * The first two lines, which rhymed 'kiddin' you' and 'didn't you,' just about knocked me out, and later on, when I got to the jugglers and the chrome horse and the princess on the steeple, it all just about got to be too much. ** Discussing the song "[[w:Like a Rolling Stone|Like a Rolling Stone]]" in ''[[w:Rolling Stone|Rolling Stone]]'' magazine (1988) * It's not to anybody's best interest to think about how they will be perceived tomorrow. It hurts you in the long run. ** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/1991zollo.htm Bob Dylan: The Song Talk Interview] by Paul Zollo (1991) * My sense of rhyme used to be more involved in my songwriting than it is... Still staying in the unconscious frame of mind, you can pull yourself out and throw up two rhymes first and work it back. You get the rhymes first and work it back and then see if you can make it make sense in another kind of way. You can still stay in the unconscious frame of mind to pull it off, which is the state of mind you have to be in anyway. ** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/1991zollo.htm Bob Dylan: The Song Talk Interview] by Paul Zollo (1991) * '''People today are still living off the table scraps of the sixties. They are still being passed around — the music and the ideas.''' ** ''The Guardian'' (13 February 1992) * That ear - I mean, Jesus, he's got to will that to the Smithsonian. ** In reference to [[Brian Wilson]], ''Newsweek'' (1997) * Here's the thing with me and the religious thing. This is the flat-out truth: I find the religiosity and philosophy in the music. I don't find it anywhere else. ** [http://europe.newsweek.com/dylan-revisited-174056?rm=eu Dylan Revisited], ''Newsweek'' (1997) * I change during the course of a day. I wake and I'm one person, and when I go to sleep I know for certain I'm somebody else. I don't know who I am most of the time. It doesn't even matter to me. ** [http://europe.newsweek.com/dylan-revisited-174056?rm=eu Dylan Revisited], ''Newsweek'' (1997) * I'm inconsistent, even to myself. ** Quoted in [http://www.nytimes.com/1997/09/28/arts/pop-jazz-a-wiser-voice-blowin-in-the-autumn-wind.html "POP/JAZZ; A Wiser Voice Blowin' In the Autumn Wind"] by Jon Pareles, ''The New York Times'' (28 September 1997) * '''Bob Dylan''': The [[media]] is all-pervasive. What can a writer think of to write that you don't see every day in a newspaper or on television?<br />'''Interviewer''': ...Do you think that TV and the media have killed [[poetry]] and [[literature]]?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. ... What's a writer to do if every idea is exposed in the media before he can get to it or let it evolve? What's a writer gonna write about? ... We're living in a science-fiction world. We're living in a world that Disney has conquered. Disney's science fiction. Theme parks, trendy streets, it's all science fiction. So I would say, if a writer has got something to say, he'll have to do it in that–<br />'''Interviewer''': Outside of the real world?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': There is a real world. Science fiction has become the real world. Whether we realize it or not, it has. ** The Rome Press Conference (23 July 2001) * '''We may not be able to defeat these swine, but we don't have to join them.''' ** As quoted in ''[[w:Kingdom of Fear|Kingdom of Fear]]'' (2003) by [[Hunter S. Thompson]] * I had ambitions to set out and find, like an odyssey or going home somewhere... set out to find... this home that I'd left a while back and couldn't remember exactly where it was, but I was on my way there. And encountering what I encountered on the way was how I envisioned it all. '''I didn't really have any ambition at all. I was born very far from where I'm supposed to be, and so, I'm on my way home, you know?''' ** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005) * I didn't go to classes. I just didn't feel like it. ** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005) * An artist has gotta be careful never really to arrive at a place where he thinks he's ''at'' somewhere. You always have to realize that you're constantly in a state of becoming. ** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005) * You don't ''need'' my autograph. If you needed it, I'd give it to you. ** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005) * '''You can't be wise and in love at the same time.''' ** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005) * I had no answers to any of those questions any more than any other performer did, really. But, you know, that didn't stop the press or people or whoever they were from asking these questions. They, for some reason the press thought that performers had the answers to all these problems in the society and you know, like what can... What can you say to something like that? I mean, it's just kind of absurd. ** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005) * '''I read ''[[On the Road]]'' in maybe 1959. It changed my life like it changed everyone else's.''' ** On the influence of [[Jack Kerouac]] on him, as quoted ''Grasping for the Wind : The Search for Meaning in the 20th Century'' (2001) by John W. Whitehead * Someone handed me ''Mexico City Blues'' in St. Paul [Minnesota] in 1959 and it blew my mind. '''It was the first poetry that spoke my own language.''' ** On the influence of [[Jack Kerouac]], as quoted in ''Jack Kerouac'' (2007) by Alison Behnke, p. 100 * I think it's the land. The streams, the forests, the vast emptiness. The land created me. I'm wild and lonesome. Even as I travel the cities, I'm more at home in the vacant lots. But I have a love for humankind, a love of truth, and a love of justice. I think I have a dualistic nature. I'm more of an adventurous type than a relationship type. ** [http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/music/article6043331.ece ''London Times'' interview] (2009) * It's not a character like in a book or a movie. He's not a bus driver. He doesn't drive a forklift. He's not a serial killer. It's me who's singing that, plain and simple. '''We shouldn't confuse singers and performers with actors.''' Actors will say, “My character this, and my character that.” Like beating a dead horse. '''Who cares about the character? Just get up and act. You don't have to explain it to me.''' ** {{cite web|title=Bob Dylan, interview with Bill Flanagan|url=http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/music/bob-dylan/5148025/Bob-Dylan-interview-with-Bill-Flanagan.html|publisher=telegraph.co.uk|date=13 Apr 2009}} * '''It's peculiar and unnerving in a way to see so many young people walking around with cellphones and iPods in their ears and so wrapped up in media and video games. It robs them of their self-identity.''' It's a shame to see them so tuned out to real life. Of course they are free to do that, as if that's got anything to do with freedom. '''The cost of liberty is high, and young people should understand that before they start spending their life with all those gadgets.''' **''Rolling Stone'' #1078 (14 May 2009), p. 45 * '''The people in my songs are all me.''' ** [http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/04/19/bob-dylan-interview-revea_n_188782.html "Bob Dylan Sounds Off On The Origin Of His New Record, Parlor Music, Dr. Dre, And Who His Songs Are About"], ''Huffington Post'' (20 May 2009) * A man is successful if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night, and in between does what he likes. ** [https://www.todomusica.org/bob_dylan/ Bob Dylan] at [https://www.todomusica.org/ Todomusica.org] === ''[[w:Chronicles: Volume One|Chronicles: Vol. One]]'' (2004) === * It wasn't money or love that I was looking for. I had a heightened sense of awareness, was set in my ways, impractical and a visionary to boot. My mind was strong like a trap and I didn't need any guarantee of validity. ** p. 9 * I was heading for the fantastic lights. No doubt about it. Could it be that I was being deceived? Not likely. I don't think I had enough imagination to be deceived; had no false hope, either. '''I'd come from a long ways off and had started from a long ways down. But now [[destiny]] was about to manifest itself. I felt like it was looking right at me and nobody else.''' ** p. 22 * Morality has nothing in common with politics. ** p. 45 * What was the future? The future was a solid wall, not promising, not threatening—all bunk. No guarantees of anything, not even the guarantee that life isn't one big joke. ** p. 49 * Opportunities may come along for you to convert something—something that exists into something that didn't yet. ** p. 51 * America was changing. I had a feeling of destiny and I was riding the changes... My consciousness was beginning to change, too, change and stretch. ** p. 73 * I had been in a motorcycle accident and I'd been hurt, but I recovered. Truth was that I wanted to get out of the rat race. Having children changed my life and segregated me from just about everybody and everything that was going on. Outside of my family, nothing held any real interest for me and I was seeing everything through different glasses. ** p. 114 * I had very little in common with and knew even less about a generation that I was supposed to be the voice of. ** p. 115 * I'm a '60s troubadour, a folk-rock relic, a wordsmith from bygone days, a fictitious head of state from a place nobody knows. I'm in the bottomless pit of cultural oblivion. ** p. 147 * Sometimes you say things in songs even if there's a small chance of them being true. And sometimes you say things that have nothing to do with the truth of what you want to say and sometimes you say things that everyone knows to be true. Then again, at the same time, you're thinking that the only truth on earth is that there is no truth on it. Whatever you are saying, you're saying in a ricky-tick way. There's never time to reflect. You stitched and pressed and packed and drove, is what you did. ** p. 220 * I put one on the turntable and when the needle dropped, I was stunned — didn't know if I was stoned or straight... All these songs together, one after another made my head spin. It made me want to gasp. It was like the land parted. ** Referring to the first [[w:Woody Guthrie|Woody Guthrie]] record he ever heard, p. 243 * [Ref [[Rimbaud]] line<ref>**[http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Lettre_de_Rimbaud_%C3%A0_Georges_Izambard_-_13_mai_1871 Letter to Georges Izambard; Charleville, 13 May 1871]</ref> 'Je est un autre,]' “which translates into ‘I is someone else.’ When I read those words the bells went off. It made perfect sense. I wished someone would have mentioned that to me earlier.” ** p288 * The road out would be treacherous, and I didn’t know where it would lead but I followed it anyway. It was a strange world ahead that would unfold, a thunderhead of a world with jagged lightning edges. Many got it wrong and never did get it right. I went straight into it. It was wide open. One thing for sure, not only was it not run by God, but it wasn’t run by the devil either. ** p. 293 === Nobel Banquet Speech === :<small>[https://www.nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/literature/laureates/2016/dylan-speech.html Bob Dylan - Banquet Speech - Nobelprize.org]</small> * If someone had ever told me that I had the slightest chance of winning the Nobel Prize, I would have to think that I'd have about the same odds as standing on the moon. * I began to think about [[William Shakespeare]], the great literary figure. I would reckon he thought of himself as a dramatist. The thought that he was writing [[literature]] couldn't have entered his head. His words were written for the stage. Meant to be spoken not read. When he was writing [[Hamlet]], I'm sure he was thinking about a lot of different things: "Who're the right actors for these roles?" "How should this be staged?" "Do I really want to set this in Denmark?" His creative vision and ambitions were no doubt at the forefront of his mind, but there were also more mundane matters to consider and deal with. "Is the financing in place?" "Are there enough good seats for my patrons?" "Where am I going to get a human skull?" I would bet that the farthest thing from Shakespeare's mind was the question "Is this ''literature''?" * As a performer I've played for 50,000 people and I've played for 50 people and I can tell you that it is harder to play for 50 people. 50,000 people have a singular persona, not so with 50. Each person has an individual, separate identity, a world unto themselves. They can perceive things more clearly. Your honesty and how it relates to the depth of your talent is tried. * Like Shakespeare, I too am often occupied with the pursuit of my creative endeavors and dealing with all aspects of life's mundane matters. "Who are the best musicians for these songs?" "Am I recording in the right studio?" "Is this song in the right key?" Some things never change, even in 400 years. Not once have I ever had the time to ask myself, "Are my songs ''literature''?" So, I do thank the Swedish Academy, both for taking the time to consider that very question, and, ultimately, for providing such a wonderful answer. == Song lyrics == === ''[[w:Bob Dylan (album)|Bob Dylan]]'' (1962) === ==== ''Talking New York'' ==== * You sound like a hillbilly; We want folk singers here. * A lot of people don't have much food on their table<br>But they got a lot of forks and knives<br>And they gotta cut something ==== ''[[w:Song to Woody|Song to Woody]]'' ==== * I'm out here a thousand miles from my home<br />Walkin' a road other men have gone down<br />I'm seein' your world of people and things<br />Your paupers and peasants and princes and kings * Hey, hey, [[Woody Guthrie]], I wrote you a song,<br />'Bout a funny ol' world that's a-comin' along<br />Seems sick an' it's hungry, it's tired an' it's torn<br />It looks like it's a-dyin' an' it's hardly been born * Here's to [[w:Cisco Houston|Cisco]] an' [[w:Sonny Terry|Sonny]] an' [[w:Lead Belly|Lead Belly]] too<br />An' to all the good people that traveled with you<br />Here's to the hearts and the hands of the men<br />That come with the dust and are gone with the wind ** Compare: "We come with the dust and we go with the wind." [[Woody Guthrie]], ''[[w:Pastures of Plenty|Pastures of Plenty]]''. === ''[[w:The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan|The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan]]'' (1963) === ==== ''[[w:Blowin' in the Wind|Blowin' in the Wind]]'' ==== [[File:Roadfogbow.jpg|thumb|right|How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?]] [[File:Animated_dove_holding_an_olive_branch.gif|thumb|right|How many seas must a white dove sail before she sleeps in the sand?]] * '''How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?<br>How many seas must a white dove sail before she sleeps in the sand?''' * Yes, and how many years can a mountain exist before it is washed to the sea? * How many times can a man turn his head pretending he just doesn't see? * How many times must a man look up before he can see the sky? * Yes, and how many deaths will it take till he knows that too many people have died? * '''The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind.''' ==== ''[[w:Girl from the North Country|Girl from the North Country]]'' ==== * So if you're travelin' in the north country fair,<br>Where the winds hit heavy on the borderline,<br>Remember me to one who lives there.<br>She once was a true love of mine. ==== ''[[w:Masters of War|Masters of War]]'' ==== * But I see through your eyes * All the money you made will never buy back your soul. * You ain't worth the blood that runs in your veins. * There is one thing I know though I'm younger than you<br> Even Jesus would not forgive what you do * And I hope that you die <br>And your death'll come soon <br>I will follow your casket <br>In the pale afternoon <br>And I'll watch while you're lowered <br>Down to your deathbed <br>And I'll stand o'er your grave <br>'Til I'm sure that you're dead ==== ''[[w:A Hard Rain's a-Gonna Fall|A Hard Rain's a-Gonna Fall]]'' ==== * Oh, where have you been, my blue-eyed son?<br />And where have you been, my darling young one? ** Compare: "O where ha' you been, Lord Randal, my son? And where ha' you been, my handsome young man?" ''[[w:Lord Randall|Lord Randall]]'', [[s:Child's Ballads/12|no. 12]]. * I saw a newborn baby with wild wolves all around it. * I saw ten thousand talkers whose tongues were all broken. * I heard the roar of a wave that could drown the whole world. * I heard one hundred drummers whose hands were a-blazin'. * I met a white man who walked a black dog. * And I'll tell it and speak it and think it and breathe it. * But I'll know my song well before I start singin'. * '''It's a hard rain's a-gonna fall.''' ==== ''[[w:Don't Think Twice, It's All Right|Don't Think Twice, It's All Right]]'' ==== * It ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe<br />If you don't know by now ** Compare: "It ain't no use to sit and sigh now, darlin." [[w:Paul Clayton (folksinger)|Paul Clayton]], ''Who's Gonna Buy You Ribbons (When I'm Gone)''. * '''I once loved a woman, a child I am told<br>I gave her my heart but she wanted my soul.''' * I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road, babe<br />Where I'm bound, I can't tell<br />'''But goodbye's too good a word, babe <br /> So I'll just say fare thee well''' ** Compare: "So I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road..." [[w:Paul Clayton (folksinger)|Paul Clayton]], ''Who's Gonna Buy You Ribbons (When I'm Gone)''. * '''I ain't saying you treated me unkind <br> You could have done better but I don't mind''' <br> You just kinda wasted my precious time <br> But don't think twice, it's all right. ==== ''[[w:Talkin' World War III Blues|Talkin' World War III Blues]]'' ==== * I got into the driver's seat and drove down 42nd Street in my [[w:Cadillac|Cadillac]].<br>Good car to drive after a war. * Half of the people can be part right all of the time,<br>Some of the people can be all right part of the time,<br>But all the people can't be all right all the time.<br>I think [[Abraham Lincoln]] said that.<br>'''I'll let you be in my dreams if I can be in yours.<br>I said that.''' === ''[[w:The Times They Are A-Changin'|The Times They Are A-Changin']]'' (1964) === ==== ''[[w:The Times They Are a-Changin' (song)|The Times They Are A-Changin']]'' ==== :<small>[http://www.bobdylan.com/songs/times-they-are-changin Full lyrics online]</small> * '''Come gather ’round people <br> Wherever you roam <br> And admit that the waters <br> Around you have grown.''' <br> And accept it that soon <br> You’ll be drenched to the bone. <br> If your time to you is worth savin’ <br> '''Then you better start swimmin' or you'll sink like a stone <br> For the times they are a-changin'.''' * Come writers and critics <br> Who prophesize with your pen <br> And keep your eyes wide <br> The chance won't come again <br> And don't speak too soon <br> For the wheel's still in spin <br> And there's no tellin' who that it's naming.’ <br> '''For the loser now will be later to win''' * Come mothers and fathers<br> Throughout the land <br> And '''don't criticize <br> What you can't understand''' <br> Your sons and your daughters <br> Are beyond your command <br> Your old road is rapidly agin'. * Come Congressmen, Senators, please heed the call <br>Don't stand in the doorway, don't block up the hall <br> For he who gets hurt will be he who has stalled<br> There’s a battle outside and it's ragin’. ==== ''[[w:Ballad of Hollis Brown|Ballad of Hollis Brown]]'' ==== * You prayed to the Lord above<br />Oh please send you a friend<br />Your empty pockets tell yuh<br />That you ain't a-got no friend * There's seven people dead<br />On a South Dakota farm<br />Somewhere in the distance<br />There's seven new people born * If there's anyone who knows, is there anyone who cares? ==== ''[[w:With God On Our Side|With God On Our Side]]'' ==== * You never ask questions When God's on your side * You don't count the dead When God's on your side * But I can't think for you<br />You'll have to decide<br />Whether [[w:Judas Iscariot|Judas Iscariot]]<br />Had God on his side * The words fill my head, and fall to the floor, that if God's on our side, he'll stop the next war. ==== ''[[w:Restless Farewell|Restless Farewell]]'' ==== * Oh all the money that in my whole life I did spend<br />Be it mine right or wrongfully<br />I let it slip gladly past the hands of my friends<br />To tie up the time most forcefully ** Compare: "Of all the money e'er I had, I spent it in good company. And all the harm e'er I've done, Alas! it was to none but me." ''[[s:The Parting Glass|The Parting Glass]]''. * But if the arrow is straight<br />And the point is slick<br />It can pierce through dust no matter how thick ==== ''[[w:Boots of Spanish Leather|Boots of Spanish Leather]]'' ==== * Oh, but if I had the stars from the darkest night <br /> And the diamonds from the deepest ocean <br /> I'd forsake them all for your sweet kiss <br /> For that's all I'm wishin' to be ownin'. * Well, if you, my love, must think that-a-way, <br /> I'm sure your mind is roamin'. <br /> I'm sure your heart is not with me, <br /> But with the country to where you're goin'. ==== ''[[w:The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll|The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll]]'' ==== * William Zanzinger killed poor Hattie Carroll <br /> With a cane that he twirled around his Diamond ring finger <br /> At a Baltimore hotel society gath‘rin‘ <br /> And the cops were called in and his weapon took from him <br /> As they rode him in custody down to the station <br /> And booked William Zanzinger for first-degree murder <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears. * William Zanzinger, who at twenty-four years <br/> Owns a tobacco farm of six hundred acres <br /> With rich wealthy parents who provide and protect him <br /> And high office relations in the politics of Maryland <br /> Reacted to his deed with a shrug of his shoulders <br /> And swear words and sneering, and his tongue it was snarling <br /> In a matter of minutes on bail was out walking <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears. * Hattie Carroll was a maid of the kitchen <br /> She was fifty-one years old and gave birth to ten children <br/ > Who carried the dishes and took out the garbage <br /> And never sat once at the head of the table <br /> And didn‘t even talk to the people at the table <br /> Who just cleande up all the food from the table <br /> And emptied the ashtrays in a whole other level <br /> Got killed by a blow, lay slain by a cane <br /> That sailed through the air and came down through the room <br /> Doomed and determined to destroy all the gentle <br /> And she never done nothing to William Zanzinger <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears. * In the courtroom of honor, the judge pounded his gravel <br /> To show that all‘s equal and that the courts are on the level <br /> And the strings in the books ain‘t pulled and persuaded <br /> And that even the nobles get properly handled <br /> Once that the cops have chased after and caught ´em <br /> And that the ladder of law has no top and no bottom <br /> Stared at the person who killed for no reason <br /> Who just happened to be feelin‘ that way without warnin‘ <br /> And he spoke through his cloak, most deep and distinguished <br /> And handed out strongly, for penalty and repentance <br /> William Zanzinger with a six-month sentence <br /> Oh, but you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Bury the rag deep in your face <br /> For now‘s the time for your tears. === ''[[w:Another Side of Bob Dylan|Another Side of Bob Dylan]]'' (1964) === ==== ''[[w:All I Really Want To Do|All I Really Want To Do]]'' ==== * '''All I really want to do is, baby, be friends with you.''' * '''I ain't looking for you to feel like me, see like me, or be like me.''' ==== ''[[w:Chimes of Freedom (song)|Chimes of Freedom]]'' ==== [[File:AzaraxshTaleghan.gif|thumb|Flashing for the warriors whose strength is not to fight,<br />Flashing for the refugees on the unarmed road of flight,<br />And for each and every underdog soldier in the night,<br />And we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.]] * Far between sundown's finish an' midnight's broken toll,<br />We ducked inside the doorway, thunder crashing.<br />As majestic bells of bolts struck shadows in the sounds,<br />Seeming to be the chimes of freedom flashing.<br />Flashing for the warriors whose strength is not to fight,<br />Flashing for the refugees on the unarmed road of flight,<br />An' for each an' ev'ry underdog soldier in the night,<br />An' we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing. * Through the mad mystic hammering of the wild ripping hail,<br />The sky cracked its poems in naked wonder,<br />That the clinging of the church bells blew far into the breeze<br />Leaving only bells of lightning and its thunder<br />Striking for the gentle, striking for the kind,<br />Striking for the guardians and protectors of the mind,<br />An' the poet and the painter far behind his rightful time<br />An' we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing. ==== ''I Shall Be Free No. 10'' ==== [[File:Bob Dylan in Toronto1.jpg|thumb|Everything passes<br />Everything changes<br />Just do what you think you should do<br />And someday maybe<br />Who knows, baby<br />I'll come and be cryin' to you]] * It ain't no use a-talking to me<br />It's just the same as talking to you * I'm a poet, and I know it. ==== ''[[w:To Ramona|To Ramona]]'' ==== * Everything passes<br />Everything changes<br />Just do what you think you should do<br />And someday maybe<br />Who knows, baby<br />I'll come and be cryin' to you ==== ''[[w:My Back Pages|My Back Pages]]'' ==== * '''Ah, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now.''' * Half-wracked prejudice leaped forth<br />"Rip down all hate," I screamed<br />Lies that life is black and white<br />Spoke from my skull. * In a soldier's stance, I aimed my hand at the mongrel dogs who teach </br> '''Fearing not that I'd become my enemy in the instant that I preach''' </br> My existence led by confusion boats, mutiny from stern to bow. ==== ''[[w:Motorpsycho Nightmare|Motorpsycho Nightmare]]'' ==== * I had to say something to strike him very weird so I yelled out "I like [[Fidel Castro]] and his beard." ==== ''[[w:Ballad In Plain D|Ballad In Plain D]]'' ==== * All is gone, all is gone, admit it, take flight. <br /> I gagged twice, doubled, tears blinding my sight. <br /> My mind it was mangled, I ran into the night <br /> Leaving all of love's ashes behind me. <br /><p> The wind knocks my window, the room it is wet. <br /> The words to say I'm sorry, I haven't found yet. <br /> I think of her often and hope whoever she's met <br /> Will be fully aware of how precious she is. <br /><p> Ah, my friends from the prison, they ask unto me, <br /> "How good, how good does it feel to be free?" <br /> And I answer them most mysteriously, <br /> "Are birds free from the chains of the skyway?" ==== ''[[w:It Ain't Me Babe|It Ain't Me Babe]]'' ==== * Go away from my window,<br>Leave at your own chosen speed,<br>I'm not the one you want, babe,<br>I'm not the one you need.<br>You say you're looking for someone,<br>Who's never weak but always strong,<br>To protect you and defend you,<br>Whether you are right or wrong,<br>Someone to open each and every door,<br>But it ain't me, babe,<br>No, no, no, it ain't me, babe,<br>It ain't me you're looking for, babe. === ''[[w:Bringing It All Back Home|Bringing It All Back Home]]'' (1965) === ==== ''[[w:Subterranean Homesick Blues|Subterranean Homesick Blues]]'' ==== :<small>Complete lyrics [http://bobdylan.com/songs/subterranean-homesick-blues/ here]</small> * Johnny's in the basement<br>Mixing up the medicine<br>I'm on the pavement<br>Thinking about the government<br>The man in the trenchcoat<br>Badge out, laid off<br>Says he's got a bad cough<br>Wants to get it paid off<br>'''Look out kid<br>It's somethin' you did<br>God knows when<br>But you're doin' it again''' * '''You don't need a weather man<br>To know which way the wind blows''' * Get jailed, jump bail<br>Join the army, if you fail * '''Don't follow leaders<br>Watch the parkin' meters''' * Twenty years of schoolin'<br>And they put you on the day shift * The pump don't work<br>'Cause the vandals took the handles ==== ''[[w:She Belongs to Me|She Belongs to Me]]'' ==== * She's got everything she needs, she's an artist, she don't look back. * She could take the dark out the nighttime and paint the daytime black. * You will start out standing, proud to steal her anything she sees, but you will wind up peeking through her keyhole down upon your knees. ==== ''[[w:Maggie's Farm|Maggie's Farm]]'' ==== * Well, I try my best<br />To be just like I am<br />But everybody wants you<br />To be just like them * '''I ain't gonna work on Maggie's farm no more.''' ==== ''[[w:Love Minus Zero/No Limit|Love Minus Zero/No Limit]]'' ==== * There's no success like failure, and failure's no success at all. * '''She knows too much to argue or to judge.''' * In the dime stores and bus stations, <br /> People talk of situations, <br /> Read books repeat quotations, <br /> Draw conclusions on the wall. ==== ''[[w:Outlaw Blues (song)|Outlaw Blues]]'' ==== * '''Don't ask me nothin' about nothin'. I just might tell you the truth.''' ==== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's 115th Dream|Bob Dylan's 115th Dream]]'' ==== * I said, "You know they refused Jesus, too"<br />He said, "You're not Him" ==== ''[[w:Mr. Tambourine Man|Mr. Tambourine Man]]'' ==== * The ancient empty street's too dead for dreaming. * And if you hear vague traces of skipping reels of rhyme... * It's not aimed at anyone, it's just escapin' on the run * Take me disappearing, through the smoke rings of my mind, down the foggy ruins of time... * Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free. * With all [[memory]] and [[fate]] driven deep beneath the waves, let me forget about today until tomorrow. * Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me.<br>I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to.<br>'''Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me.<br>In the jingle-jangle morning, I'll come following you.''' ==== ''[[w:Gates of Eden (song)|Gates of Eden]]'' ==== * All and all can only fall with a crushing but meaningless blow. * And there are no truths outside the Gates of Eden. * Of war and peace the truth just twist, its curfew gull it glides. ==== ''[[w:It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)|It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)]]'' ==== * '''Darkness at the break of noon<br />Shadows even the silver spoon<br />The handmade blade, the child's balloon'''<br />Eclipses both the sun and moon<br />To understand you know too soon<br />There is no sense in trying [[File:Bob Dylan and The Band - 1974.jpg|thumb|He not busy being born is busy dying.]] * He not busy being born is busy dying''' * Others say, don't hate nothing at all except hatred * Disillusioned words like bullets bark <br />As human gods aim for their mark <br />Make everything from toy guns that spark <br />To flesh-colored Christs that glow in the dark <br />It's easy to see without looking too far<br />That not much is really sacred * Even the President of the United States<br />Sometimes must have to stand naked * '''It is not he or she or them or it<br />That you belong to.''' *While one who sings with his tongue on fire<br />Gargles in the rat race choir * '''Money doesn't talk, it swears''' [[File:Baby blue (14787116756).jpg|thumb|Forget the dead you've left, they will not follow you... it's all over now, Baby Blue.]] ==== ''[[w:It's All Over Now, Baby Blue|It's All Over Now, Baby Blue]]'' ==== * You must leave, now take what you need, You think will last<br>But whatever you wish to keep, you better grab it fast<br>Yonder stands your orphan with his gun<br>Crying like a fire in the sun. * The highway is for gamblers, better use your sense. * Your lover who just walked out the door, has taken all his blankets from your floor. * Leave your stepping stones behind, something calls for you.<br>Forget the dead you've left, they will not follow you.<br>Strike another match, go! Start anew<br>And it's all over now, Baby Blue. === ''[[w:Highway 61 Revisited|Highway 61 Revisited]]'' (1965) === ==== ''[[w:Positively 4th Street|Positively 4th Street]]'' ==== * '''You got a lotta nerve to say you are my friend. When I was down, you just stood there grinning.''' * Do you take me for such a fool to think I'd make contact with one that tries to hide what he don't know to begin with. * I wish that for just one time you could stand inside my shoes. You'd know what a drag it is to see you. ==== ''[[w:Like a Rolling Stone|Like a Rolling Stone]]'' ==== [[File:Solar Glory and Brocken spectre 1.jpg|thumb|right|When you ain't got nothing, you got nothing to lose. You're invisible now. You've got no secrets to conceal.]] * '''How does it feel? To be on your own, with no direction home, like a complete unknown, like a rolling stone?''' * Once upon a time you dressed so fine, threw the bums a dime in your prime, didn't you. </br> '''People call, say beware doll, you're bound to fall, you thought they were all, kiddin you.''' * You used to laugh about<br>Everybody that was hangin' out<br>Now you don't talk so loud<br>Now you don't seem so proud<br>About having to be scrounging for your next meal * '''You never turned around to see the frowns, on the jugglers and the clowns when they all did, tricks for you.''' * Princess on the steeple and all the pretty people, they're drinkin', thinkin' that they got it made * Go to him now, he calls you, you can't refuse. </br> '''When you ain't got nothing, you got nothing to lose. </br> You're invisible now. You've got no secrets to conceal.''' ==== ''[[w:Tombstone Blues|Tombstone Blues]]'' ==== * The sweet pretty things are in bed now, of course. * The sun's not yellow, it's chicken. * Stop all this weeping, swallow your pride, you will not die, it's not poison *The geometry of innocent flesh on the bone<br />Causes Galileo's math book to get thrown<br />At Delilah's who sitting worthlessly alone<br />But the tears on her cheeks are from laughter * And the National Bank at a profit sells road maps for the soul<br />To the old folks home and the college ==== ''[[w:It Takes A Lot To Laugh, It Takes A Train To Cry|It Takes A Lot To Laugh, It Takes A Train To Cry]]'' ==== * Well I ride on a mail train baby, can't buy a thrill. * '''Don't the moon look good, mama, shinin' through the trees?<br>Don't the brakeman look good, mama, flaggin' down the double E?<br>Don't the sun look good goin' down over the sea?''' ==== ''[[w:Ballad of a Thin Man|Ballad of a Thin Man]]'' ==== * And you say, Oh my God, am I here all alone? * You've been with the professors and they've all liked your looks. With great lawyers you've discussed lepers and crooks. * You go watch the geek, who immediately walks up to you when he hears you speak, and says, how does it feel to be such a freak?, and you say, impossible as he hands you a bone. * '''And something is happening here, but you don't know what it is, do you Mr. Jones?''' * Here's your throat back, thanks for the loan. * You put your eyes in your pockets and your nose on the ground. * They already expect you to just give a check to tax-deductible charity organization. ==== ''[[w:Highway 61 Revisited (song)|Highway 61 Revisited]]'' ==== * Oh God said to Abraham, Kill me a son.<br/>Abe says, Man, you must be puttin' me on.<br/>God say, No. Abe say, What?<br/>God say, You can do what you want Abe, but<br/>the next time you see me comin' you better run.<br/>Well Abe says, Where do you want this killin' done?<br/>God says, Out on [[w:U.S. Route 61#The Blues Highway|Highway 61]]. ==== ''[[w:Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues|Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues]]'' ==== * The cops don't need you, and, man, they expect the same. * I started out on [[w:Burgundy wine|burgundy]] but soon hit the harder stuff. ==== ''[[w:Desolation Row|Desolation Row]]'' ==== * They're selling postcards of the hanging * Yes, I received your letter yesterday<br/>(About the time the door knob broke)<br/>When you asked how I was doing<br/>Was that some kind of joke?<br/>All these people that you mention<br/>Yes, I know them, they're quite lame<br/>I had to rearrange their faces<br/>And give them all another name<br/>Right now I can't read too good<br/>Don't send me no more letters no<br/>Not unless you mail them<br/>From Desolation Row<br/> * Now at midnight all the agents<br />And the superhuman crew<br />Come out and round up everyone<br />That knows more than they do * The Titanic sails at dawn * And [[Ezra Pound]] and [[T. S. Eliot]]<br />Fighting in the captain's tower<br />While calypso singers laugh at them<br />And fishermen hold flowers... === ''[[w:Blonde on Blonde|Blonde on Blonde]]'' (1966) === * [[w:Ron Rosenbaum|Ron Rosenbaum]]: When you hear your songs in your mind, it's not just you strumming alone, you mean? * Dylan: Well, no, it is to begin with. But then I always hear other instruments, how they should sound. The closest I ever got to the sound I hear in my mind was on individual bands in the ''Blonde on Blonde'' album. It's that thin, that wild mercury sound. It's metallic and bright gold, with whatever that conjures up. That's my particular sound. I haven't been able to succeed in getting it all the time. Mostly, I've been driving at a combination of guitar, harmonica and organ, but now I find myself going into territory that has more percussion in it and [''pause''] rhythms of the soul. :* interview, ''Playboy'', March 1978 ==== ''[[w:Rainy Day Women #12 & 35|Rainy Day Women #12 & 35]]'' ==== * '''But I would not feel so all alone, everybody must get stoned!''' ==== ''[[w:Pledging My Time|Pledging My Time]]'' ==== * Somebody got lucky, but it was an accident. ==== ''[[w:Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again|Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again]]'' ==== [[File:Paparazzo_Presents_Bob_Dylan.jpg|thumb|right|Your debutante knows what you need, but I know what you want.]] * Oh Mama, can this really be the end? To be stuck inside of Mobile with the Memphis blues again? * And here I sit so patiently waiting to find out what price you have to pay to get out of going through all these things twice. * The one was Texas medicine, the other was just a railroad gin. And, like a fool, I mixed them; and it strangled up my mind. * '''Your debutante just knows what you need, but I know what you want.''' * You see, you're just like me. I hope you're satisfied. ==== ''[[w:Visions of Johanna|Visions of Johanna]]'' ==== * '''Ain't it just like the night to play tricks when you're trying to be so quiet?''' * '''We sit here stranded, though we're all doin' our best to deny it.''' * He's sure got a lotta gall to be so useless and all * '''Inside the museums, infinity goes up on trial.'''<br />Voices echo this is what salvation must be like after a while<br />But Mona Lisa must have had the highway blues<br />You can tell by the way she smiles * The ghost of electricity howls in the bones of her face. * '''Name me someone that's not a parasite and I'll go out and say a prayer for him.''' * '''But these visions of Johanna, they make it all seem so cruel.''' ==== ''[[w:I Want You|I Want You]]'' ==== * She is good to me<br/>And there's nothing she doesn't see<br />She knows where I'd like to be<br />But it doesn't matter<br /> ==== ''[[w:Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat|Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat]]'' ==== * Well, I see you got your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat<br />Yes, I see you got your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat<br />Well, you must tell me, baby<br />How your head feels under somethin' like that<br />Under your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat ** Compare: "I saw you riding 'round in your brand new automobile/ Yes I saw you ridin' around, babe, in your brand new automobile/ Yes you was sitting there happy with your handsome driver at the wheel/ In your brand new automobile." [[w:Lightnin' Hopkins|Lightnin' Hopkins]], ''Automobile Blues''. * I asked the doctor if I could see you<br />It's bad for your health, he said<br />Well, I disobeyed his orders, I came to see you but I found him there instead<br />Well, I don't mind him cheating on me but I sure wish he'd take that off his head<br />Your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat ==== ''[[w:Just Like A Woman|Just Like A Woman]]'' ==== * She takes just like a woman, yes she does<br />She makes love just like a woman, yes she does<br />And she aches just like a woman<br />But she breaks just like a little girl. ==== ''[[w:Most Likely You Go Your Way (And I'll Go Mine)|Most Likely You Go Your Way (And I'll Go Mine)]]'' ==== * You say you love me and you're thinking of me, but you know you might be wrong. ==== ''[[w:Absolutely Sweet Marie|Absolutely Sweet Marie]]'' ==== * '''But to live outside the law, you must be honest.''' * And now here I stand, looking at your yellow railroad, in the ruins of your balcony ==== ''[[w:Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands|Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands]]'' ==== *Sad-eyed lady of the lowlands, <br> Where the sad-eyed prophet says that no man comes, <br> My warehouse eyes, my Arabian drums, <br> Should I leave them by your gate, <br> Or, sad-eyed lady, should I wait? *With your sheets like metal and your belt like lace, <br> And your deck of cards missing the jack and the ace, <br> And your basement clothes and your hollow face, <br> '''Who among them can think he could outguess you?''' <!-- === ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits]]'' (1967) === --> === ''[[w:John Wesley Harding (album)|John Wesley Harding]]'' (1967) === ==== ''[[w:All Along the Watchtower|All Along the Watchtower]]'' ==== * "There must be some way out of here," said the Joker to the Thief<br /> * All along the watchtower, princes kept the view<br />While all the women came and went, barefoot servants too<br />Outside in the distance, a wild cat did growl<br />Two riders were approaching. The wind began to howl. ==== ''[[w:I Dreamed I Saw St Augustine|I Dreamed I Saw St Augustine]]'' ==== * I put my fingers against the glass, and bowed my head and cried ==== ''[[w:The Ballad of Frankie Lee and Judas Priest|The Ballad Of Frankie Lee And Judas Priest]]'' ==== * "Nothing is revealed" === ''[[w:Nashville Skyline|Nashville Skyline]]'' (1969) === ==== ''[[w:Lay Lady Lay|Lay Lady Lay]]'' ==== * '''Lay, lady, lay. Lay across my big, brass bed.''' * Whatever colors you have in your mind, I'll show them to you and you'll see them shine. * '''His clothes are dirty, but his hands are clean, and you're the best thing that he's ever seen.''' ==== ''[[w:Tonight I'll Be Staying Here With You|Tonight I'll Be Staying Here With You]]'' ==== * Throw my ticket out the window,<br>Throw my suitcase out there too,<br>Throw my troubles out the door, I don't need them anymore,<br>'Cause tonight I'll be staying here with you. === ''[[w:Self Portrait|Self Portrait]]'' (1970) === ==== ''[[w:Quinn The Eskimo (The Mighty Quinn)|Quinn The Eskimo (The Mighty Quinn)]]'' ==== * '''Ev'rybody's in despair, <br> Ev'ry girl and boy <br> But when Quinn the Eskimo gets here, <br> Ev'rybody's gonna jump for joy.''' * '''Come all without, come all within, <br> You'll not see nothing like the mighty Quinn.''' === ''[[w:New Morning (Bob Dylan album)|New Morning]]'' (1970) === ==== ''[[w:Time Passes Slowly|Time Passes Slowly]]'' ==== * Time passes slowly up here in the mountains === ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Vol. II|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Vol. II]]'' (1971) === ==== ''[[w:When I Paint My Masterpiece|When I Paint My Masterpiece]]'' ==== * Some day everything is gonna be different, when I paint my masterpiece. === ''[[w:Planet Waves|Planet Waves]]'' (1974) === ==== ''[[w:Forever Young (Bob Dylan song)|Forever Young]]'' ==== [[File:Bob dylan.jpg|thumb|right|May you build a ladder to the stars and climb on every rung. May your song always be sung, May you stay forever young.]] * '''May you build a ladder to the stars and climb on every rung. May your song always be sung, May you stay forever young.''' * May your hands always be busy. May your feet always be swift. May you have a strong foundation when the winds of changes shift. May your heart always be joyful. May your song always be sung. May you stay forever young. === ''[[w:Blood on the Tracks|Blood on the Tracks]]'' (1975) === ==== ''[[w:Tangled Up In Blue|Tangled Up In Blue]]'' ==== * Early one mornin' the sun was shinin',<br> I was layin' in bed <br> Wond'rin'if she'd changed at all <br> If her hair was still red. * '''Tangled up in blue...''' * Lord knows I've paid some dues gettin' through... * I helped her out of a jam, I guess, but I used a little too much force... * '''And every one of them words rang true and glowed like burnin' coal. Pourin' off of every page, like it was written in my soul from me to you...''' * '''The only thing I knew how to do was to keep on keepin' on like a bird that flew...''' * All the people we used to know, they're an illusion to me now... * Don't know how it all got started, I don't know what they do with their lives... * '''We always did feel the same, we just saw it from a different point of view...''' * '''But all the while I was alone <br> The past was close behind, <br> I seen a lot of women <br> But she never escaped my mind,<br> ''' * I lived with them on Montague Street <br> In a basement down the stairs <br> There was music in the cafes at night <br> And revolution in the air. ==== ''[[w:Idiot Wind|Idiot Wind]]'' ==== * '''You're an idiot, babe. It's a wonder that you still know how to breathe.''' * I can't help it if I'm lucky. * Visions of your chestnut mare shoot through my head and are makin' me see stars. * I waited for you on the running boards, near the cypress trees, while the springtime turned slowly into autumn. * Idiot wind, blowing through the buttons of our coats, blowing through the letters that we wrote.<br>Idiot wind, blowing through the dust upon our shelves,<br>'''We're idiots, babe. It's a wonder we can even feed ourselves.''' * It was gravity which pulled us in and destiny which broke us apart * You tamed the lion in my cage but it just wasn't enough to change my heart * Down the highway, down the tracks, down the road to ecstacy, <br> I followed you beneath the stars, hounded by your memory and all your ragin' glory * You'll never know the hurt I suffer, nor the pain I rise above, and I'll never know the same about you... * I kiss good-bye the howling beast on the borderline which separated you from me. ==== ''[[w:You're a Big Girl Now|You're a Big Girl Now]]'' ==== [[File:RegenbogenDSCN0352.JPG|thumb|right|Time is a jetplane — it moves too fast. Oh but what a shame that all we've shared can't last...]] * I'm going out of my mind, oh, oh; with a pain that stops and starts; like a corkscrew to my heart; Ever since we've been apart * A change in the weather is known to be extreme; but what's the sense in changing horses in mid-stream? * '''Time is a jetplane — it moves too fast. Oh but what a shame that all we've shared can't last...''' * Love is so simple, to quote a phrase; you've known it all the time, I'm learnin' it these days. * I know where I can find you — in somebody's room. It's the price I have to pay, you're a big girl all the way. ==== ''[[w:Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts|Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts]]'' ==== * Backstage the girls were playin' five-card stud by the stairs, <br> Lily had two queens, she was hopin' for a third to match her pair. <br> Outside the streets were fillin' up, the window was open wide, <br> A gentle breeze was blowin', you could feel it from inside. <br> Lily called another bet and drew up the Jack of Hearts. ==== ''[[w:Shelter from the Storm|Shelter from the Storm]]'' ==== * 'Twas in another lifetime, one of toil and blood<br>When blackness was a virtue, the road was full of mud.<br>I came in from the wilderness, a creature void of form,<br>'Come in,' she said, 'I'll give you shelter from the storm.' * '''Beauty walks a razor's edge, someday I'll make it mine.''' * Try imagining a place where it's always safe and warm... ==== ''[[w:If You See Her, Say Hello|If You See Her, Say Hello]]'' ==== * I always have respected her for doin' what she did and gettin' free * Say for me that I'm all right though things get kind of slow <br> She might think that I've forgotten her don't tell her it isn't so. * Sundown yellow moon I replay the past <br> '''I know every scene by heart they all went by so fast''' * ''' If she's passing back this way I'm not that hard to find <br> Tell her she can look me up if she's got the time.''' === ''[[w:The Basement Tapes|The Basement Tapes]]'' (1975) === ==== ''[[w:Down in the Flood|Crash On The Levee (Down In The Flood)]]'' (recorded 1967) ==== * Well, it's sugar for sugar<br />And salt for salt<br />If you go down in the flood<br />It's gonna be your own fault ** Compare: "I give you sugar for sugar, but all you want is salt for salt/ Well if you can't get along with me, then it's your own fault." [[w:Rabbit Brown|Richard Brown]], ''James Alley Blues''. ==== ''Open the Door, Homer'' (recorded 1967) ==== * Take care of all your memories. said my friend Mick, For you cannot relive them. ==== ''[[w:This Wheel's on Fire (song)|This Wheel's on Fire]]'' (recorded in 1967) ==== * If your mem'ry serves you well, we were gonna meet again and wait, so I think I'll just unpack my bags and sit before it gets too late. <br> No man alive will come to you with another tale to tell, but '''you know that we shall meet again, if your mem'ry serves you well.''' * If your memory serves you well, I was gonna confiscate your lace and wrap it up in a sailor's knot and hide it in your case. <br> And if I knew for sure that it was yours, it was oh so hard to tell, and you know that we shall meet again, if your memory serves you well. * If your memory serves you well, I remember you're the one who called out me to call out them to get your business done. <br> And after every plan has failed, and there was nothing left to tell, well you knew that we shall meet again if your memory serves you well. * '''Wheels on fire, rolling down the road, best notify my next of kin, this wheel shall explode!''' === ''[[w:Desire (Bob Dylan album)|Desire]]'' (1976) === ==== ''[[w:Hurricane (song)|Hurricane]]'' ==== * '''Here comes the story of The Hurricane, the man the authorities came to blame for something that he never done.''' </br> Put in a prison cell, but one time he coulda been the champion of the world. * Meanwhile, far away in another part of town,<br>Rubin Carter and a couple of friends are drivin’ around.<br>Number one contender for the middleweight crown,<br>Had no idea what kinda shit was about to go down.<br>When a cop pulled him over to the side of the road,<br>Just like the time before and the time before that.<br>In Paterson that’s just the way things go:<br>If you’re black you might as well not show up on the street<br>’Less you wanna draw the heat. * Couldn't help but make me feel ashamed to live in a land, where justice is a game. ==== ''[[w:Mozambique (song)|Mozambique]]'' ==== * There's lots of pretty girls in Mozambique. ==== ''Oh, Sister'' ==== * Don't turn away, you'll create sorrow,<br />Time is an ocean but it ends at the shore,<br />You may not see me tomorrow. === ''[[w:Street-Legal (album)|Street-Legal]]'' (1978) === ====''Changing of the Guards''==== * Gentlemen, he said I don't need your organization, I've shined your shoes<br>I've moved your mountains and marked your cards<br>But Eden is burning either get ready for elimination<br>Or else your hearts must have the courage for the changing of the guards<br><br>Peace will come with tranquility and splendor on the wheels of fire<br>But will offer no reward when her false idols fall<br>And cruel death surrenders with its pale ghost retreating<br>Between the King and the Queen of Swords ==== ''Señor (Tales of Yankee Power)'' ==== * Señor, señor, can you tell me where we’re heading? Lincoln County Road or Armageddon? ==== ''Is Your Love In Vain?'' ==== * Do you love me, or are you just extending good will? * I have dined with kings, I've been offered wings, and I've never been too impressed === ''[[w:Slow Train Coming|Slow Train Coming]]'' (1979) === ==== ''[[w:Gotta Serve Somebody|Gotta Serve Somebody]]'' ==== * It may be the Devil or it may be the Lord, but you're gonna have to serve somebody. * You may call me Bobby; you may call me Zimmy... ==== ''[[w:Precious Angel|Precious Angel]]'' ==== * Now there's spiritual warfare, flesh and blood breaking down. You either got faith or you got unbelief, and there ain't no neutral ground. * The enemy is subtle. How be it we're deceived? When the truth's in our hearts and we still don't believe. * My so-called friends have fallen under a spell: they look me squarely in the eye and say, "Well; all is well." * We are covered in blood, girl. You know both our forefathers were slaves. Let us hope they've found mercy in their bone-filled graves. ==== ''I Believe in You'' ==== * They'd like to drive me from this town; they don't want me around, 'cause I believe in you. * I believe in you even on the morning after. ==== ''[[w:Slow Train (Bob Dylan song)|Slow Train]]'' ==== * Have they counted the cost it'll take to bring down all the earthly principles they're gonna have to abandon? * All that foreign oil controlling American soil. Look around you, it's just bound to make you embarrassed: sheiks walking around like kings, wearing fancy jewels and nose rings, deciding America's future from Amsterdam and to Paris. * In the home of the brave, Jefferson turning over in his grave. * Man's ego's inflated, his laws are outdated. They don't apply no more. You can't rely no more to be standing around waiting. * Fools glorify themselves, trying to manipulate Satan. * The enemy I see wears a cloak of decency. * People starving and thirsting; grain elevators are bursting. You know, it costs more to store the food than it do to give it. * They talk about a life of brotherly love? Show me someone who knows how to live it. * It sure do bother me to see my loved ones turning into puppets. ==== ''Gonna Change My Way of Thinking'' ==== * (Alternate version.) A brave man will kill you with a sword, a coward with a kiss. ==== ''Do Right to Me Baby'' ==== * Don't wanna judge nobody — don't wanna be judged. ==== ''When You Gonna Wake Up'' ==== * You got some big dreams, baby, but in order to dream you gotta still be asleep. * Counterfeit philosophies have polluted all of your thoughts; [[Karl Marx]] has got you by the throat, and [[Henry Kissinger]]'s got you tied up into knots. * You got innocent men in jail, your insane asylums are filled. * Do you ever wonder just what God requires? You think he's just an errand boy to satisfy your wandering desires. * They tell you "Time is money," as if your life was worth its weight in gold. * When you gonna wake up and strengthen the things that remain? ==== ''When He Returns'' ==== * Truth is an arrow, and the gate is narrow that it passes through. === ''[[w:Shot of Love|Shot of Love]]'' (1981) === ==== ''[[w:Every Grain Of Sand|Every Grain Of Sand]]'' ==== [[File:PSR B1509-58 full.jpg|thumb|{{center/s}}In the fury of the [[moment]]<br />I can see the [[God|Master]]'s hand<br />In every leaf that trembles,<br />in every grain of sand.{{center/e}}]] * In the fury of the moment I can see the Master's hand<br />In every leaf that trembles, in every grain of sand * '''I am hanging in the balance of the reality of [[man]]<br />Like every sparrow falling, like every grain of sand''' ** Variant: "I am hanging in the balance of a perfect, finished plan" (''The Bootleg Series, Vols. 1–3'') === ''[[w:Infidels|Infidels]]'' (1983) === ==== ''Jokerman'' ==== * Freedom just around the corner for you, but with truth so far off, what good will it do? * Fools rush in where angels fear to tread, both of their futures so full of dread. * Shedding off one more layer of skin, keeping one step ahead of the persecutor within. * You go to Sodom and Gomorrah, but what do you care? Ain't nobody there would want to marry your sister. * You look into the fiery furnace, see the rich man without any name. * The book of Leviticus and Deuteronomy, the law of the jungle and the sea are your only teachers. * The rifleman's stalking the sick and the lame; preacherman seeks the same. Who'll get there first is uncertain. * A woman just gave birth to a prince today and dressed him in scarlet. He'll put the priest in his pocket, put the blade to the heat, take the motherless children off the street and place them at the feet of a harlot. ==== ''Sweetheart Like You'' ==== * A woman like you should be at home. That's where you belong, taking care of somebody nice who don't know how to do you wrong. * Just how much abuse will you be able to take? Well, there's no way to tell by the first kiss. * They say in your father's house there's many mansions; each one of 'em got a fireproof floor. * They say that patriotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings. * Steal a little and they throw you in jail; steal a lot and they make you king. * There's only one step down from here, baby. It's called the Land of Permanent Bliss. ==== ''Man of Peace'' ==== * Sometimes Satan comes as a man of peace. * Nobody sees through him — no, not even the chief of police. * He could be standing next to you, the person that you notice least. * He's following a star, the same one that the three men followed east. ==== ''I and I'' ==== * Some one else is speaking with my mouth, but I'm listening only to my heart. * Took a stranger to teach me to look into justice's beautiful face, and to see an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. ==== ''Union Sundown'' ==== * A lot of people complaining that there is no work. I say, "Why you say that for?" When nothin' you got is US-made — they don't make nothin' here no more. * Capitalism is above the law; it's said it don't count 'less it sells. * It's sundown on the union that was made in the USA. Sure was a good idea till greed got in the way. * Democracy don't rule the world; you'd better get that in your head. This world is ruled by violence. ==== ''Don't Fall Apart on Me Tonight'' ==== * Yesterday's just a memory; tomorrow's never what it's supposed to be. ==== ''License to Kill'' ==== * Man thinks 'cause he rules the earth, he can do with it as he please. And if things don't change soon, he will. * For man has invented his doom; first step was touching the moon. * Man is opposed to fair play: he wants it all, and he wants it his way. === ''[[w:Empire Burlesque|Empire Burlesque]]'' (1985) === ==== ''[[w:Tight Connection to My Heart (Has Anybody Seen My Love)|Tight Connection to My Heart (Has Anybody Seen My Love)]]'' ==== * What looks large from a distance, close up ain't never that big. ==== ''Dark Eyes'' ==== * I live in another world, where life and death are memorized. * I can hear another drum beating for the dead that rise, whom Nature's beast fears as they come. * '''Time is short and the days are sweet and passion rules the arrow that flies.''' * All I see are dark eyes. ==== ''Trust Yourself'' ==== * If you want somebody you can trust, trust yourself. === ''[[w:Biograph (album)|Biograph]]'' (1985) === ==== ''[[w:Abandoned Love|Abandoned Love]]'' (recorded 1975) ==== * I've been deceived by the clown inside of me. I thought that he was righteous but he's vain. * My patron saint is a-fighting with a ghost. He's always off somewhere when I need him most. * Let me feel your love one more time before I abandon it. ==== ''Up to Me'' (recorded 1974) ==== * '''I was just too stubborn to ever be governed by enforced insanity.''' * If I thought about it, I never would have done it, I guess I would have let it slide. * The old Rounder in the iron mask slipped me the master key, somebody had to unlock your heart, he said it was up to me. * It frightens me the awful truth of how sweet life can be. * When you bite off more than you can chew, you pay the penalty, somebody's got to tell the tale, I guess it must be up to me. * Somebody's got to cry some tears, I guess it must be up to me. === ''[[w:Knocked Out Loaded|Knocked Out Loaded]]'' (1986) === ==== ''Maybe Someday'' ==== * Forgive me, baby, for what I didn't do. ==== ''[[w:Brownsville Girl|Brownsville Girl]]'' (with [[w:Samuel Shepard Rogers|Sam Shepard]]) ==== * ''[Recounting a scene in [[w:The Gunfighter|The Gunfighter]]]'' Turn him loose, let him go, let him say he outdrew me fair and square — I want him to feel what it's like to every moment face his death. * I can't believe we've lived so long and are still so far apart. * I know she ain't you, but she's here, and she's got that dark rhythm in her soul. * She said, "Welcome to the land of the living dead," but you could tell she was so brokenhearted — she said, "Even the swap meets around here are getting pretty corrupt." * We're going all the way, till the wheels fall off and burn, till the sun peels the paint and the seat covers fade and the water moccasins die. * I didn't know whether to duck or to run, so I ran. * When I saw you break down in front of the judge and cry real tears, it was the best damn thing I saw anybody do. * I've always been the kind of person who doesn't like to trespass, but sometimes you just find yourself over the line. * I feel pretty good, but that ain't saying much — I could feel a whole lot better, if you were just here by my side to show me how. * The only thing we knew for sure about Henry Porter was that his name wasn't Henry Porter. * '''Strange how people who suffer together have stronger connections than those who are most content.''' * You always said people don't do what they believe in; they just do what's most convenient, then they repent. === ''[[w:Traveling Wilburys Vol. 1|Traveling Wilburys Vol. 1]]'' (1988) === ==== ''[[w:Tweeter and the Monkey Man|Tweeter and the Monkey Man]]'' ==== * Tweeter and the Monkey Man were hard up for cash<br>They stayed up all night selling cocaine and hash<br>To an undercover cop who had a sister named Jan<br>Who for reasons unexplained she loved the Monkey Man * Jan had told him many times "it was you to me who taught:<br> '''in Jersey anything's legal as long as you don't get caught'''" === ''[[w:Oh Mercy|Oh Mercy]]'' (1989) === ==== ''Political World'' ==== * We live in a political world<br/>Where peace is not welcome at all<br/>It's turned away from the door to wander some more<br/>Or put up against the wall. ==== ''Ring Them Bells'' ==== * Ring them bells Sweet Martha<br/>For the poor man's son<br/>Ring them bells so the world will know<br/>That God is one<br/>Oh, the shepherd is asleep<br/>Where the willows weep<br/>And the mountains are filled with lost sheep. ==== ''Man in the Long Black Coat'' ==== * There are no mistakes in life, some people say<br/>And it's true, sometimes you can see it that way<br/>People don't live or die, people just float<br/>She went with the man in the long black coat. * There’s smoke on the water, it’s been there since June<br/>Tree trunks uprooted, 'neath the high crescent moon<br/>Feel the pulse and vibration and the rumbling force<br/>Somebody is out there beating on a dead horse ==== ''Shooting Star'' ==== * Seen a shooting star tonight, and I thought of you. === ''[[w:Under the Red Sky|Under the Red Sky]]'' (1990) === ==== ''Hard Times In New York Town'' (recorded 1961) ==== * They'll kick you when you're up and knock you when you're down. ==== ''T.V. Talking Song'' ==== * Your mind is your temple, keep it beautiful and free. Don't let an egg get laid in it by something you can't see. === ''[[w:The Bootleg Series Volumes 1-3 (Rare & Unreleased) 1961-1991|The Bootleg Series Volumes 1-3 (Rare & Unreleased) 1961-1991]]'' (1991) === ==== ''[[w:Let Me Die In My Footsteps|Let Me Die In My Footsteps]]'' (recorded 1962) ==== * Let me die in my footsteps before I go under the ground. * I'd throw all the guns and the tanks in the sea, for they are mistakes of a past history. ==== ''Moonshiner'' (recorded 1963) ==== * The whole world's a bottle, And life's but a dram, When the bottle gets empty, It sure ain't worth a damn. ==== ''[[w:Angelina (Bob Dylan song)|Angelina]]'' (recorded 1981) ==== * '''When you cease to exist, then who will you blame?''' ==== ''Blind Willie McTell'' (recorded 1983) ==== * Well, God is in His heaven<br/> And we all want what's his<br/> But power and greed and corruptible seed<br/> Seem to be all that there is<br/> I'm gazing out the window<br/> Of the [[w:St. James Infirmary Blues|St. James Hotel]]<br/> And I know no one can sing the blues <br/> Like [[w:Blind Willie McTell|Blind Willie McTell]] === ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Volume 3|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Volume 3]]'' (1994) === ==== ''[[w:Dignity (Bob Dylan song)|Dignity]]'' ==== *Drinkin' man listens to the voice he hears, <br> In a crowded room full of covered up mirrors, <br> Lookin' into the lost forgotten years <br> For dignity === ''[[w:Time Out of Mind|Time Out of Mind]]'' (1997) === [[File:Bob Dylan - Azkena Rock Festival 2010 2.jpg|thumb|Behind every beautiful thing there's been some kind of pain]] ==== ''[[w:Love Sick|Love Sick]]'' ==== * I'm sick of love, and I'm in the thick of it. ==== ''[[w:Standing In The Doorway|Standing In The Doorway]]'' ==== * Last night I danced with a stranger, but she just reminded me you were the one. ==== ''[[w:Not Dark Yet|Not Dark Yet]]'' ==== * '''Behind every beautiful thing there's been some kind of pain''' * I know it looks like I'm moving, but I'm standing still <br> Every nerve in my body is so vacant and numb <br> I can't even remember what it was I came here to get away from. * I been down on the bottom of a whirlpool of lies * Don't even hear the murmur of a prayer. It's not dark yet, but it's getting there. ==== ''[[w:Make You Feel My Love|Make You Feel My Love]]'' ==== * I could hold you for a million years ==== ''[[w:Tryin’ to Get to Heaven|Tryin’ to Get to Heaven]]'' ==== * '''When you think that you’ve lost everything, you find out you can always lose a little more.''' ==== ''[[w:Highlands (song)|Highlands]]'' ==== * She says, you don’t read women authors do you?... I said, You’re way wrong. She says, Which ones have you read then? I say, I read Erica Jong! * Insanity is crashing up against my soul. === ''[[w:The Essential Bob Dylan|The Essential Bob Dylan]]'' (2000) === ==== ''[[w:Things Have Changed|Things Have Changed]]'' (recorded 1999) ==== * Feel like falling in love with the first woman I meet... Putting her in a wheel barrow and wheeling her down the street. * People are crazy and times are strange<br> I'm locked in tight, I'm out of range, <br> '''I used to care, but things have changed.''' * You can hurt someone and not even know it * I been walkin forty miles of bad road. If the Bible is right the world will explode. '''I've been trying to get as far away from myself as I can''' === ''[[w:Love and Theft (Bob Dylan album)|Love and Theft]]'' (2001) === ==== ''[[w:Mississippi (Bob Dylan song)|Mississippi]]'' ==== * My clothes are wet, tight on my skin. Not as tight as the corner that I've painted myself in. * '''You can always come back, but you can't come back all the way.''' * I'm walking through the leaves falling from the trees,<br>Feelin' like a stranger nobody sees. * So many things that we never will undo<br>I know you're sorry, I'm sorry too. * I'm drownin' in the poison, got not future got no past. * But my heart is not weary; it's light and it's free<br> I've got nothing but affection for those who've sailed with me. * Everybody movin', if they ain't already there. Everyboy got to move somewhere. * Things should start to get interesting right about now. ==== ''[[w:Summer Days|Summer Days]]'' ==== * Politician's got on his jogging shoes, he must be running for office, got no time to lose ==== ''[[w:Bye and Bye|Bye and Bye]]'' ==== * I'm sittin' on my watch so I can be on time. * '''The future for me is already a thing of the past.''' * I'm gonna baptize you in fire so you can sin no more. ==== ''Lonesome Day Blues'' ==== * Funny how the things you have the hardest time parting with are the things you need the least. * I'm gonna spare the defeated—I'm gonna speak to the crowd<br />I'm gonna spare the defeated, boys, I'm going to speak to the crowd<br />I am goin' to teach peace to the conquered<br />I'm gonna tame the proud ** Compare: "But yours will be the rulership of nations, / remember Roman, these will be your arts: / to teach the ways of peace to those you conquer, / to spare defeated peoples, tame the proud." ''The [[Aeneid]] of [[Virgil]]: A Verse Translation'' by [[Allen Mandelbaum]], 6.1134–1137. ==== ''Floater (Too Much to Ask)'' ==== * Down over the window<br />Comes the dazzling sunlit rays<br />Through the back alleys, through the blinds<br />Another one of them endless days * My old man he's like some feudal lord, got more lives than a cat. ==== ''High Water (for Charley Patton)'' ==== * Jump into the wagon, love, throw your panties overboard. * I can write you poems, make a strong man lose his mind. * As great as you are, man, you’ll never be greater than yourself. * '''Don’t reach out for me, she said. Can’t you see I’m drowning too?''' ==== ''[[w:Cry A While|Cry A While]]'' ==== * Last night across the alley there was a pounding on the wall<br />It must have been Don Pascuale making a two a.m. booty call === ''[[w:Modern Times (Bob Dylan album)|Modern Times]]'' (2006) === ==== ''Thunder on the Mountain'' ==== * Gonna forget about myself for a while, gonna go out and see what others need. * Feel like my soul is beginning to expand. Look into my heart and you will sort of understand. ==== ''[[w:Nettie Moore|Nettie Moore]]'' ==== * The world of research has gone berserk. Too much paperwork. ==== ''Workingman's Blues #2'' ==== * Some people never work a day in their lives, don't know what work even means. ==== ''[[w:Ain't Talkin'|Ain't Talkin']]'' ==== * '''If I catch my opponents ever sleepin', I'll just slaughter 'em where they lie.''' === ''[[w:Together Through Life (Bob Dylan album)|Together Through Life]]'' (2009) === ==== ''I Feel A Change Coming On'' ==== [[File:Bob Dylan in Norwich Connecticut June 2005-1.jpg|thumb|right|I'm listening to [[w:Billy Joe Shaver|Billy Joe Shaver]]<br> And I'm reading [[James Joyce]]<br>Some people they tell me<br> I've got the blood of the land in my voice.]] * I'm listening to [[w:Billy Joe Shaver|Billy Joe Shaver]]<br> And I'm reading [[James Joyce]]<br>Some people they tell me<br> I've got the blood of the land in my voice ==== ''Forgetful Heart'' ==== * The door has closed for evermore,<br>If indeed there ever was a door. === ''[[w:The Bootleg Series Vol. 9: The Witmark Demos: 1962–1964|The Bootleg Series Vol. 9: The Witmark Demos: 1962–1964]]'' (2010) === ==== ''Long Time Gone'' (recorded 1962) ==== * Just give to me my gravestone<br />With it clearly carved upon:<br />"I'm a long time a-comin'<br />An' I'll be a long time gone" ==== ''Gypsy Lou'' (recorded 1963) ==== * She left one too many a boy behind<br />He committed suicide === ''[[w:Tempest (Bob Dylan album)|Tempest]]'' (2012) === ==== ''Soon After Midnight'' ==== * It's soon after midnight, and I got a date with a fairy queen ==== ''Pay in Blood'' ==== * Another politician pumpin' out the piss. ==== ''Tin Angel'' ==== * He bent in the middle like a twisted pin === ''[[w:Rough and Rowdy Ways|Rough and Rowdy Ways]]'' (2020) === ==== ''My Own Version of You'' ==== * Long before the First Crusade, way back before England or America was made. * Mr. Freud with his dreams, Mr. Marx with his ax. ==== ''Mother of Muses'' ==== * Who cleared the path for Presley to sing<br />Who carved out the path for Martin Luther King ==== ''Crossing the Rubicon'' ==== * I lit the torch, I looked to the east, and I crossed the Rubicon. ==== ''Key West (Philosopher Pirate)'' ==== * I’m so deep in love that I can hardly see. * Well, it might not be the thing to do, but I’m sticking with you through and through. == Quotes about Dylan == [[File:Bundesarchiv Bild 183-1988-0719-38, Bruce Springsteen, Konzert in der DDR.jpg|thumb|Bob [[freed]] your [[mind]] the way [[Elvis]] freed your [[body]]. ~ [[Bruce Springsteen]]]] *Bob Dylan's enormous influence on mid-'60s rock not only led directly to the birth of folk rock but also inspired the psychedelic rockers who followed. **{{w|Jim DeRogatis}} <ref>DeRogatis, Jim. ''Turn On Your Mind: Four Decades of Great Psychedelic Rock''. pg. 87. Hal Leonard.</ref> *He might rarely pick up a six-string these days, but back in the day, Dylan started a folk revolution with nothing but a beat-up old acoustic and a suitcase full of songs. Dylan made it look so easy that a legion of earnest young strummers picked up the guitar. They discovered the truth when they started trying to play like him, though. Elaborate fingerpicking, open tunings, ear-catching runs and an impeccable sense of rhythm were the foundation that the Dylan legend was built on. He sourced his skills from legends of folk and blues, and combined them into something bitingly original. Hands down the best singer-songwriter ever to do it. **Rob Power of ''{{w|MusicRadar}}'' (June 16, 2017) [https://www.musicradar.com/news/the-top-20-acoustic-guitar-heroes-of-all-time] *It took Bob Dylan to break the ice between the [country and rock music] camps. [...] While it would be a stretch to call Blonde on Blonde a country-rock record, the fact that Dylan, arguably the most important person in rock at the time, cut an album in the home of country music soon brought an influx of other musicians to Nashville. As Charlie McCoy, the multi-instrumentalist who starred on Blonde told Nashville Scene in 2011, “That's when the floodgates opened." **Dave Lifton of ''{{w|Ultimate Classic Rock}}'' (December 16, 2016) [https://ultimateclassicrock.com/country-rock-history-part-1/?utm_source=tsmclip&utm_medium=referral] * The Nobel Prize for Literature is yet another step towards [[immortality]] for Bob Dylan. The rebellious, reclusive, unpredictable artist/composer is exactly where the Nobel Prize for Literature needs to be. His gift with words is unsurpassable. Out of my repertoire spanning 60 years, no songs have been more moving and worthy in their depth, darkness, fury, mystery, beauty and humour than Bob's. None has been more of a pleasure to sing. None will come again. ** [[Joan Baez]], as quoted in [http://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-37655068 "Bob Dylan: Nobel Prize is a step towards immortality, says Joan Baez"], BBC.com (14 October 2016) * A voice like sand and glue. ** [[David Bowie]], "[[w:Song for Bob Dylan|Song for Bob Dylan]]" (1971) * To me, [giving the Nobel Prize to Bob Dylan] is like pinning a medal on Mount Everest for being the highest mountain. ** [[Leonard Cohen]], ''[https://www.theguardian.com/music/2016/oct/14/leonard-cohen-giving-nobel-to-bob-dylan-like-pinning-medal-on-everest Guardian]'' (14 October 2016) *I relied on Bob Dylan as a seer who literally channeled the mood of the revolution. His John Wesley Harding album, named for a famous outlaw, had thrilled me the year before, especially "All Along the Watchtower," which seemed to me a coda for revolution. Some of the women in our group and many in the new women's movement had turned against Dylan and other artists for their misogyny, and I couldn't deny its presence in many lyrics. **[[Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz]] ''Outlaw Woman'' (2001) *In the mid-'60s one of my cousins gave me a record by Bob Dylan and it was a mind-blowing experience. I loved the beat of it, the folk concerns, the pulse of the people in Dylan's music. **[[Ramabai Espinet]] ''Talk Yuh Talk: Interviews with Anglophone Caribbean Poets'' by Kwame Dawes (2000) * Dylan is to me the perfect symbol of the anti-artist in our society. He is against everything—the last resort of someone who doesn't really want to change the world. ... I think his poetry is punk. It's derivative and terribly old hat. ... Dylan songs accept the world as it is. ** [[w:Ewan MacColl|Ewan MacColl]], interview with Karl Dallas, "Focus on MacColl", ''Melody Maker'' (18 September 1965), p. 23. Quoted in ''No Direction Home: The Life and Music of Bob Dylan'' (1986) by Robert Shelton, p. 296. * '''Bob Dylan took a lot of air out of the room when it came to songwriters. Everybody had a tough row to hoe distinguishing themselves once Bob invented our job.''' **[[w:Steve Earle|Steve Earle]], quoted at [http://www.austin360.com/music/content/music/stories/2009/05/0518earle.html "Homage to Townes" at ''Austin360.com'' (18 May 2009)] * I saw [[Bob Dylan]] a couple of weeks ago (this being, what, December 1994?) and he was saying… “Who owns all the money? Who owns the media?”. As he travels around the world, he notices that all the media change their story every week, and someone is directing that. And “Who owns all the money?”, he was saying. And it was like he knew that he had a great deal of power, to influence people’s psyches, or minds, or thinking, or psychology, or opinion-ation, and yet his power was miniscule, compared to the power of the moguls of the media. And in America it’s only 22 people who run… who own… 80 percent of the mass-media, so that the… it would be very difficult for a poem… for a poet… to overcome that barrage of bullshit.<br/>On the other hand, '''[[poetry]] is the only place where you get an individual person telling his subjective truth, what he really thinks, as distinct from what he wants people to think he thinks''' (like a politician or someone preparing an editorial in a dignified newspaper). So if you need the historical truth of what people think inside, you have to follow [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|Shelley]] (and his admonition is that poets are the “unacknowledged legislators of the race”) — or what [[William Carlos Williams]] said more acutely was, “The government is of words”.<br/>After all, the people making [[political]] speeches, they’re writing [[prose]], if not [[poetry]], and they are trying to get a little flowery language in there, but the language is shifty, and the language is [[manipulation|manipulative]], and people who are [[advertising]], or even doing ordinary mass-media, are still inhibited and can’t say what they really think, but the poet can say what he really thinks, authentically, and that’s the advantage, and it’s longer-lasting than the immediate radio-broadcast or television-broadcast, because '''a poem is like a radio that can broadcast continually, for thousands of years.''' And so, in the long run, it may have an ameliorating effect on the spirit. ** [[Allen Ginsberg]], [https://allenginsberg.org/2011/11/bbc-face-to-face-interview-1994-asv21/ Face to Face], ''[[w:British Broadcasting Corporation|BBC]]'', 1994. *'''What I wanted to do with Bobby''' was just to get him to sound in the studio as natural, just as he was in person, and have that extraordinary personality come thru. ... After all, he's not a great harmonica player, and he's not a great guitar player, and he's not a great singer. He just happens to be an original. And I just wanted to have that originality come thru. **[[w:John Hammond (producer)| John Hammond]] (Dylan's first producer), [[Pop Chronicles]], [[http://digital.library.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metadc19789/m1/ Show 31 - Ballad in Plain D: An introduction to the Bob Dylan era. Part 1], interview [http://archive.is/LGBW recorded 10.4.1968]. * '''The minute you try to grab hold of Dylan, he's no longer where he was. He's like a flame: If you try to hold him in your hand you'll surely get burned.''' Dylan's life of change and constant disappearances and constant transformations makes you yearn to hold him, and to nail him down. And that's why his fan base is so obsessive, so desirous of finding the truth and the absolutes and the answers to him — things that Dylan will never provide and will only frustrate. ... '''Dylan is difficult and mysterious and evasive and frustrating, and it only makes you identify with him all the more as he skirts identity.''' ** [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]], about his choice of 6 people to portray Dylan in his film ''[[I'm Not There]]'', in [http://blogs.suntimes.com/scanners/2007/10/how_does_it_feel_footnote_feti.html "Footnote fetishism & "I'm Not There" by Jim Emerson" at ''The Sun-Times'' (9 October 2007)] * Slight, wiry, his blond, curly hair worn long, Bob Dylan never wears a tie and never lets anyone else make decisions for him. His unshakable [[independence]] courses through his songs—some of them wryly irreverent, others harshly critical of what he regards as [[hypocrisy]] and [[cruelty]]. His voice is acrid but curiously compelling, and he has become the most influential folksinger among today's teenagers—as well as among older dissenters. [...] Now 24, he is less the angry preacher of causes than he was two years ago. His songs have become more warmly personal and more deftly witty. He is cactus on the outside and [[romance|romantic]] [[revolution|revolutionary]] within. He has no ideology except that of inner [[freedom]]. He is his own man. ** [[Nat Hentoff]], [http://www.mediafire.com/view/za1l4i1dftotwg9/.png "Cosmo Listens to Records"], [[w:Cosmopolitan (magazine)|''Cosmopolitan'']] (November 1965) * He had a lovely voice, but he was also, I think, a great poet. And he was the background music to a lot of people of my age. I don't take a lot of stock in generational thought, as you know. I think generational solidarity is the lowest form of solidarity there is. But I think that for every decade or so, every generational set, there is a special voice. And certainly for my lot, it was him. ** [[Christopher Hitchens]], interview on [http://www.hughhewitt.com/christopher-hitchens-on-his-memoir-hitch-22/ The Hugh Hewitt Show] (13 July 2010) * My hero was and still is Bob Dylan. ** [[Kazuo Ishiguro]], in [https://www.theguardian.com/books/2005/feb/19/fiction.kazuoishiguro Profile: Kazuo Ishiguro], ''The Guardian'' (19 February 2005) * I defy you to say what he'll be doing six months from now. He's just driven by pure art. You know, his son said to me..."There is no doubt that if my dad had never made it, if he was sitting on the side of the sidewalk with his guitar and a hat out in front of him, he would be doing precisely doing the same songs. His whole career would be exactly the same." Now, there is certainly hyperbole in that, but it's kind of, sort of true... If we have anybody who's [[Shakespeare]] in our time, it's Dylan, and he just speaks to me more and more, and he once said in an interview that the purpose of art was to inspire, and when you see a Dylan show...You would think he's so good, you know—if you go see a jazz cat who's so good playing bass, you can leave that show going, "Why even pick up a bass again?" But for some reason—and I'm not the only one that feels this—at the end of the Dylan show, art just seems so good. I want to go write a play, or write a novel. I'll stay up all night and write a song. And you don't care that it's not as good. The other thing that I love about Dylan is he is a freak, not a cheerleader... Dylan just stands there and says, "I am speaking for me. Maybe some of this is true for you to. I don't know. But I'm digging so deep." All of his mining, you know, is going towards his heart and deeper into his brain. He makes no attempt, that I can tell, to say, "Oh yeah, this is gonna kill 'em. This is what they'll like." And that's where universality has to live. You can't be universal if you're trying to please other people. You can only be universal if you have so clearly who you are, and Dylan has no idea who he is, but he's still searching and he's sharing that process with us. ** [[Penn Jillette]], [https://reason.com/archives/2016/08/02/penn-jillette-on-libertarianism-election/9 ReasonTV interview] (2 August 2016) * The conversation was flat. Suddenly, however, Dylan leapt to his feet and started berating me. He said, for example, something like, 'You'll never understand it; it happens so fast it'll go right past you,' and more of the same. I was startled, yes, but kept on trying to ask sensible, interesting questions; the attack persisted. I shrugged and left. The whole episode was entirely unprovoked... That evening, I went to the concert. My opinion then and now was that the music was unpleasant, the lyrics inflated, and Dylan a self-indulgent whining show-off. ** [[w:Horace Freeland Judson|Horace Freeland Judson]], as quoted in ''Down The Highway: The Life Of Bob Dylan'' (2011) by Howard Sounes, p. 179 * Musically, Dylan's not very gifted; he's borrowed his voice from old hillbillies. He's got a lot of borrowed things. He's not a great guitar player. He’s invented a character to deliver his songs ... it's a mask of sorts. ** [[Joni Mitchell]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZY8aDg_dTI Interview with CBC] (2013), as quoted in [https://faroutmagazine.co.uk/joni-mitchell-bob-dylan-fake-plagiarist-comments-feud/ "Why Joni Mitchell once labelled Bob Dylan 'a plagiarist'"] by Joe Taysom, ''[[w:Far Out Magazine|Far Out Magazine]]'' (4 June 2021) * He's one of the great artists of the century. ** [[Andrew Motion]], as quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/uk/1999/oct/03/vanessathorpe.theobserver1 "Laureate gives laurels to Dylan"], ''The Guardian'' (3 October 1999) *I can still picture Bob Dylan, with just a bassist, a piano player, and his guitar, tenderly reworking "The Times They Are a-Changin'." When finished, he stepped off the stage, shook my hand, gave a little grin and bow in front of me and Michelle, and vanished without a word. **[[Barack Obama]] ''A Promised Land'' (2020) * "The stage is the only place where I'm happy." But this has its own sadnesses, like so much love. '''He is the one person who has to be at a Dylan concert and the one person who can't go to a Dylan concert.''' ** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], ''Dylan's Visions of Sin'' (2003), concluding words, p. 490 * '''A day doesn't go by when I don't listen to Dylan or at least think about him and his art.''' I just think we're terrifically lucky to be alive at a time when he is. ** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], as quoted in [http://www.nytimes.com/2004/06/09/books/dylan-master-poet-don-t-think-twice-it-s-all-right.html "Dylan, Master Poet? Don't Think Twice, It's All Right"] by Charles McGrath, ''The New York Times'' (9 June 2004) * Five years ago [Dylan] played a concert here at the university and I had no hand in arranging it; I was told about it rather late and could have killed the organizers. Shortly before the concert I received word to come backstage, so my wife and I went half an hour before the show. And Dylan said: "Mr Ricks, we meet at last." My reply was: "Have you read any good books lately?" [...] and he said: "[[Richard III (play)|Richard III]]". [...] Dylan wasn't at all surprised by my question and he really did want to talk about Richard III. ** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], interview with Ieva Lesinska: [http://www.eurozine.com/a-lesson-in-dylan-appreciation/ "A lesson in Dylan appreciation"], ''Eurozine'' (11 April 2008) * Dylan creates a [[mythic]] atmosphere out of the land around us. The land we walk on every day and never see until someone shows it to us. ** [[w:Sam Shepard|Sam Shepard]], ''The Rolling Thunder Logbook'' (1977), p. 63 * Dylan has invented himself. He's made himself up from scratch. That is, from the things he had around him and inside him. Dylan is an invention of his own mind. '''The point isn't to figure him out but to take him in.''' He gets into you anyway, so why not just take him in? He's not the first one to have invented himself, but he's the first one to have invented Dylan... ** [[w:Sam Shepard|Sam Shepard]], ''The Rolling Thunder Logbook'' (1977), p. 100 * Dylan was a revolutionary. '''Bob freed your mind the way Elvis freed your body.''' ... '''To this day, wherever great rock music is being made, there is the shadow of Bob Dylan.''' ** [[Bruce Springsteen]], speech for Dylan's inauguration into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (20 January 1988), quoted in ''Dylan: behind the shades'' (1991) by Clinton Heylin, p. 422 *Dylan's heart rests in his vocation. He is a white bluesman par excellence. His voice is born out of that vocation, informed by a vision rooted in reaching and teaching as many people as possible. **[[Cornel West]] ''Brother West: Living and Loving Out Loud, A Memoir'' (2009) * '''Dylan is free now to work on his own terms. It would be foolish to predict what he will do next.''' But hopefully he will remain a mediator, using the language of pop to transcend it. If the gap between past and present continues to widen, such mediation may be crucial. '''In a communications crisis, the true prophets are the translators.''' ** [[Ellen Willis]], in "Dylan" in ''Representative Men : Cult Heroes of Our Time'' (1970) edited by Theodore L. Gross * I'll never be Bob Dylan. He's the master. If I'd like to be anyone, it's him. And he's a great writer, true to his music and done what he feels is the right thing to do for years and years and years. He's great. He's the one I look to. I'm always interested in what he's doing now, or did last, or did a long time ago that I didn't find out about. The guy has written some of the greatest poetry and put it to music in a way that it touched me, and other people have done that, but not so consistently or as intensely. Like me, he waits around and keeps going, and he knows that he doesn't have the muse all the time, but he knows that it'll come back and it'll visit him and he'll have his moment. ** [[Neil Young]], [http://content.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1110988,00.html "The Resurrection of Neil Young"], ''Time'' magazine interview (28 September 2005) *There was a new popular music of protest. [[Pete Seeger]] had been singing protest songs since the forties, but now he came into his own, his audiences much larger. [[Bob Dylan]] and [[Joan Baez]], singing not only protest songs, but songs reflecting the new abandon, the new culture, became popular idols. A middle-aged woman on the West Coast, [[Malvina Reynolds]], wrote and sang songs that fit her socialist thinking and her libertarian spirit, as well as her critique of the modern commercial culture. **[[Howard Zinn]], ''A People’s History of the United States'' *You don't know someone's changing the world until the world's been changed. **[https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/14/arts/music/daniel-kramer-dead.html Daniel Kramer, Who Photographed Bob Dylan’s Rise, Dies at 91] ''New York Times'', 14 May 2024 == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{commonscat}} * [http://www.expectingrain.com/jokes.html Bob Dylan Jokes]on [http://www.expectingrain.com Expecting Rain] * [http://bobdylan.com/songs/ Bob Dylan Lyrics] * [http://web.archive.org/20041023091533/www.geocities.com/temptations_page/encomium.html Quotes about Bob Dylan] * [http://www.slopbucket.com/bob/tbob/writtenword.html Searchable database of Bob's written word] * [http://www.geocities.ws/linwood//cinema/Dylan-Film/ Film dialogue in the lyrics of Bob Dylan.] {{DEFAULTSORT:Dylan, Bob}} [[Category:Guitarists from the United States]] [[Category:Multi-instrumentalists]] [[Category:Singer-songwriters from the United States]] [[Category:Folk singers]] [[Category:Poets from the United States]] [[Category:Jews from the United States]] [[Category:1941 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Rock singers]] [[Category:American folk music]] [[Category:Folk rock singers]] [[Category:Blues]] [[Category:Nobel laureates in Literature]] [[Category:People from Minnesota]] [[Category:Nobel laureates from the United States]] [[Category:Presidential Medal of Freedom recipients]] ib9f679xli7nyghkbj8e2clh1sykgpa 0 2153 3778898 3778350 2025-07-14T22:11:07Z HurricaneEdgar 3084032 /* S */ 3778898 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Donald Trump official portrait.jpg|thumb|And I wanna just thank everybody and in particular, God. I wanna just say, ‘We love you God, and we love our great military – protect them.’ God bless the Middle East, God bless Israel, and God bless America[https://www.aljazeera.com/amp/opinions/2025/7/2/did-god-want-trump-to-bomb-iran ]]][[File:Donald Trump by Gage Skidmore.jpg|thumb|I stand before you now as proof that you should never believe that something is impossible to do. In America, the impossible is what we do best... We will stand bravely, we will live proudly, we will dream boldly, and nothing will stand in our way because we are Americans.]][[File:TrumpPortrait.jpg|thumb| I believe it is God’s job to sit in judgment; my job, to defend America and to promote the fundamental interests of stability, prosperity, and peace. [https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2025/05/trump-immoral-world-order/682826/ ]]][[File:Cabinet Meeting (49092290281).jpg|thumb| They let — I think the real number is 15, 16 million people into our country. When they do that, we got a lot of work to do. They’re poisoning the blood of our country.[https://variety.com/2024/biz/news/donald-trump-god-rnc-nomination-1236077838/]|alt=File:Main-qimg-021d8d22e0438179020144bbb4821733.jpg]][[File:Shinzo Abe and Donald Trump playing golf.jpg|thumb| That's one of the nice things. I mean, part of the beauty of me is that I'm very rich. So if I need $600 million, I can put $600 million myself. That's a huge advantage. I must tell you, that's a huge advantage over the other candidates.[https://nypost.com/2024/07/25/us-news/trump-hopes-us-obliterates-iran-if-hes-assassinated-by-the-american-adversary/]]] [[File:This was the President Donald Trump's first trip aboard Air Force One (cropped).jpg|thumb|I know the best people. To me, it's all about people. You got to have the right people. When we have the right people, it runs beautifully[https://www.foxnews.com/media/trump-tells-bronx-barbershop-what-he-would-do-differently-elected-second-time-its-all-about-people]]] '''[[w:Donald Trump|Donald John Trump]]''' (born [[June 14]], [[1946]]) is an American [[w:Political career of Donald Trump|politician]], [[w:Media career of Donald Trump|media personality]], and [[w:Business career of Donald Trump|businessman]] who has served as the [[w:List of presidents of the United States|47th]] [[President of the United States|president]] of the [[United States|United States of America]] since January 20, 2025. He previously served as the 45th president from 2017 to 2021. :See also: ::'''''[[Donald Trump on social media]]''''' ::'''''[[Presidency of Donald Trump]]''''' ::'''''[[Racial views of Donald Trump]]''''' ::'''''[[Trumpism]]''''' ==Quotes== ===1980s=== * '''Rona Barrett''': If you lost your fortune today, what would you do tomorrow?<br>'''Donald Trump''': Maybe I’d run for president. I don’t know. ** An [https://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-stat/graphics/politics/trump-archive/docs/rona-barrett-1980-interview-of-donald-trump.pdf interview] with [[w:Rona Barrett|Rona Barrett]] (1980) * '''Rona Barrett''': Would you like to be the [[President of the United States]]?<br>'''Donald Trump''': I really don't believe I would, Rona. But I would like to see somebody as the president who could do the job, and there are very capable people in this country.<br>'''Barrett''': Why wouldn't you dedicate yourself to public service?<br>'''Trump''': Because I think it's a very mean life. I would love, and I would dedicate my life to this country but I see it as being a mean life, and I also see it in somebody with strong views, and somebody with the kind of views that are maybe a little bit unpopular, which may be right, but may be unpopular, wouldn't necessarily have a chance of getting elected against somebody with no great brain but a big smile. ** An [https://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-stat/graphics/politics/trump-archive/docs/rona-barrett-1980-interview-of-donald-trump.pdf interview] with [[w:Rona Barrett|Rona Barrett]] (1980) * '''Rona Barrett''': How would you like to be remembered?<br>'''Donald Trump''': Well, as somebody that’s contributed something to the United States and to the [[New York City|City of New York]], and to the various other places that I’m going, and somebody that’s done a little bit better than other people at what he does. ** An [https://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-stat/graphics/politics/trump-archive/docs/rona-barrett-1980-interview-of-donald-trump.pdf interview] with [[w:Rona Barrett|Rona Barrett]] (1980) * I said, 'I will build you this incredible, gorgeous, gleaming hotel. I will put people to work in the construction trades and save hotel [[jobs]] and the Grand Central area will come around.' So the city made the deal. ** {{citation |title=The Empire and Ego of Donald Trump |journal=The New York Times |date=August 7, 1983 |first=Marilyn |last=Bender |url=http://www.nytimes.com/1983/08/07/business/the-empire-and-ego-of-donald-trump.html }} * "Give them the old Trump bullshit," he told the architect Der Scutt before a presentation of the [[w:Trump Tower|Trump Tower]] design at a press conference in 1980. "Tell them it is going to be a million square feet, sixty-eight stories." ** [[Marie Brenner]] "After the Gold Rush", ''[[w:Vanity Fair (magazine)|Vanity Fair]]'' (September 1, 1990) * Some people have an ability to [[negotiate]]. It's an [[art]] you're basically born with. You either have it or you don't. * It would take an hour-and-a-half to learn everything there is to learn about missiles. I think I know most of it anyway. You're talking about just getting updated on a situation ** {{citation |title=Donald Trump, Holding All The Cards The Tower! The Team! The Money! The Future! |journal=Washington Post |date=November 15, 1984 |first=Lois |last=Romano |url=https://www.washingtonpost.com/pb/archive/lifestyle/1984/11/15/donald-trump-holding-all-the-cards-the-tower-the-team-the-money-the-future/8be79254-7793-4812-a153-f2b88e81fa54/?resType=accessibility }}, talking about his desire to be involved in negotiations with the then Soviet Union * I have featured and will always continue to feature my name prominently in all my [[enterprises]]. **''[[w:Business Week|Business Week]]'' (July 22, 1985) * I look at things for the art sake and the beauty sake and for the deal sake. **''[[w:New York (magazine)|New York]]'' (July 11, 1988), p. 24 * I'm not big on [[compromise]]. I understand compromise. Sometimes compromise is the right answer, but oftentimes compromise is the equivalent of [[Failure|defeat]], and I don't like being defeated. **''[[w:Life (magazine)|Life]]'', Vol. 12 (January 1989), p. iii * [[Ed Koch|Mayor Koch]] has stated that hate and rancor should be removed from our hearts. I do not think so. **[http://assets.nydailynews.com/polopoly_fs/1.1838466.1403324800!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/article_970/trump21n-1-web.jpg "Bring Back the Death Penalty. Bring Back Our Police!"] An advert taken out by Trump in the [[w:New York Daily News|''New York Daily News'']] and other newspapers in the wake of the arrests of the [[wikipedia:Central Park jogger case|Central Park Five]] (whose convictions were eventually {{w|vacate}}d once the real perpetrator was identified in 2002) (May 1, 1989) * How can [[w:Society of the United States|our great society]] tolerate the continued brutalization of [[w:Citizenship of the United States|its citizens]] by crazed misfits? [[w:Crime in the United States|Criminals]] must be told that their [[w:Civil liberties in the United States|CIVIL LIBERTIES]] END WHEN AN ATTACK ON OUR SAFETY BEGINS! **[http://assets.nydailynews.com/polopoly_fs/1.1838466.1403324800!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/article_970/trump21n-1-web.jpg "Bring Back the Death Penalty. Bring Back Our Police!"] An advert taken out by Trump in the ''New York Daily News'' and other newspapers in the wake of the arrests of the [[wikipedia:Central Park jogger case|Central Park Five]] (whose convictions were eventually {{w|vacate}}d once the real perpetrator was identified in 2002) (May 1, 1989) * Let [[w:Politics of the United States|our politicians]] give back our [[w:New York City Police Department|police department]]'s power to keep us safe. Unshackle them from the constant chant of "[[w:Police brutality in the United States|police brutality]]" which every [[w:Misdemeanor|petty criminal]] hurls immediately at an officer who has just risked his or her life to save another's. ** [http://assets.nydailynews.com/polopoly_fs/1.1838466.1403324800!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/article_970/trump21n-1-web.jpg "Bring Back the Death Penalty. Bring Back Our Police!"] An advert taken out by Trump in the New York Daily News and other newspapers in the wake of the arrests of the [[wikipedia:Central Park jogger case|Central Park Five]] (whose convictions were eventually {{w|vacate}}d once the real perpetrator was identified in 2002) (May 1, 1989) * Of course I hate these people and let's all hate these people because maybe hate is what we need if we're gonna get something done. ** In [http://www.cnn.com/2016/10/07/politics/trump-larry-king-central-park-five/index.html 1989 interview] with {{W|Larry King}}, about the [[wikipedia:Central Park jogger case|Central Park Five]] (who was later found to have been wrongfully convicted) * I like to hire people that I've seen in action. I often hire people that were on the opposing side of a deal that I respect. **''[[w:The Washington Post|The Washington Post]]'' (September 23, 1989), as quoted in ''The World According to Trump'' (2005) by Ken Lawrence, p. 25 * I think if this country gets any kinder or gentler, it's literally going to cease to exist. **''[[w:Playboy (magazine)|Playboy]]'' (March 1990) ====''[[w:Trump: The Art of the Deal|Trump: The Art of the Deal]]'' (1987)==== :<small>'''From ''Trump: The Art of the Deal'' (1987) by Donald J. Trump with [[Tony Schwartz (author)|Tony Schwartz]].'''</small> * I don't do it for the [[money]]. I've got enough, much more than I'll ever [[need]]. I do it to do it. Deals are my art form. Other people paint beautifully on canvas or write wonderful poetry. I like making deals, preferably big deals. That's how I get my kicks. ** p. 1 * I try to [[learn]] from the [[past]], but I plan for the [[future]] by focusing exclusively on the [[present]]. ** p. 2 * Sometimes it pays to be a little wild. ** p. 5 * Experience taught me a few things. One is to listen to your gut, no matter how good something sounds on paper. The second is that you're generally better off sticking with what you know. And the third is that '''sometimes your best [[investments]] are the ones you don't make.''' ** p. 28 * My [[philosophy]] is always to hire the best from the best. ** p. 31 * Deal-making is an ability you're born with. It's in the genes. ** p. 45 * I like thinking big. I always have. To me it's very simple: if you're going to be thinking anyway, you might as well think big. Most people think small, because most people are afraid of success, afraid of making decisions, afraid of winning. And that gives people like me a great advantage. ** p. 46 * I wasn't [[satisfied]] just to earn a good living. I was looking to make a statement. ** p. 47 * People think I'm a [[gambler]]. I've never gambled in my life. To me, a gambler is someone who plays slot machines. I prefer to own slot machines. It's a very good [[business]] being the house. ** p. 48 * The point is that you can't be too [[Greed|greedy]]. ** p. 48 * I'm a great believer in [[asking]] everyone for an [[opinion]] before I make a [[decision]]. ... I ask and I ask and I ask, until I begin to get a gut feeling about something. And that's when I make a decision. I have learned much more from conducting my own random surveys than I could ever have learned from the greatest of consulting firms. ** pp. 51–52 * The worst thing you can possibly do in a deal is seem desperate to make it. That makes the other guy smell blood, and then you're dead. The best thing you can do is deal from strength, and leverage is the biggest strength you can have. Leverage is having something the other guy wants. Or better yet, needs. Or best of all, simply can't do without. Unfortunately, that isn't always the case, which is why leverage often requires imagination, and salesmanship. ** p. 53 * The final key to the way I promote is bravado. I play to people's fantasies. People may not always think big themselves, but they can still get very excited by those who do. That's why a little hyperbole never hurts. People want to believe that something is the biggest and the greatest and the most spectacular. I call it truthful hyperbole. It's an innocent form of exaggeration—and a very effective form of promotion. ** p. 58 * My experience is that if you're fighting for something you believe in—even if it means alienating some people along the way—things usually work out for the best in the end. ** p. 59 * One of the problems when you become successful is that jealousy and envy inevitably follow. There are people—I categorize them as life's losers—who get their sense of accomplishment and achievement from trying to stop others. As far as I'm concerned, if they had any real ability they wouldn't be fighting me, they'd be doing something constructive themselves. ** p. 59 * '''You can't con people, at least not for long. You can create excitement, you can do wonderful promotion and get all kinds of press, and you can throw in a little hyperbole. But if you don't deliver the goods, people will eventually catch on.''' ** p. 60 [[File:Trump_1987.jpg|thumb|205x205px|Money was never a big motivation for me, except as a way to keep score. The real excitement is playing the game.]] * '''[[Money]] was never a big [[motivation]] for me, except as a way to keep score. The real excitement is playing the [[game]].''' ** p. 63 * Get in, get it done, get it done right, and get out. ** p. 65 * The most important thing in life is to [[love]] what you're doing, because that's the only way you'll ever be really good at it. ** p. 67 * You can't be [[scared]]. You do your thing, you hold your ground, you stand up tall, and whatever happens, happens. ** p. 89 * [[w:Mary Anne MacLeod Trump|My own mother]] was a housewife all her life. And yet it's turned out that I've hired a lot of [[women]] for top jobs, and they've been among my best people. Often, in fact, they are far more effective than the [[men]] around them. ** p. 173 * In the end, you're measured not by how much you undertake but by what you finally accomplish. ** p. 355 * What I admire most are people who put themselves directly on the line. ** p. 367 * In my life, there are two things I've found I'm very good at: overcoming obstacles and motivating good people to do their best work. ** p. 367 ===1990=== [[File:Universal_health_care.svg|thumb|I'm very [[liberal]] when it comes to [[health care]]. I believe in {{w|universal health care}}. I believe in whatever it takes to make people well and better.]] [[File:Goddess_of_Democracy_at_UBC.jpg|thumb|upright|When the students poured into Tiananmen Square, the Chinese government almost blew it. Then they were vicious, they were horrible, but [[w:Tiananmen Square protests of 1989|they put it down with strength]]. That shows you the power of strength.]] * What separates the winners from the losers is how a person reacts to each new twist of fate. ** ''Trump: Surviving at the Top'' (1990), p. 3 *She turned out to be the wife of a man who was then the prime minister of a major country. I'd heard stories about this lady, but I never thought much of them until that night. We met at the house of the friend who'd phoned me. After we'd all chatted for a while in the living room, the four of us who already knew each other drifted out to the kitchen, leaving Ben and Madame X in the living room to get better acquainted. Which they did. In fact, when we drifted back in, about ten minutes later, she and Ben were involved in an incredibly torrid scene on the couch. I remember standing there and thinking to myself, "Well, Donald, you're not in Queens anymore." ** ''Trump: Surviving at the Top'' (1990), p. 52 * "When a man leaves a woman, especially when it was perceived that he has left for a piece of ass—a good one!—there are 50 percent of the population who will love the woman who was left," he told me. ** {{citation |date=September 1, 1990|title=After the Gold Rush |periodical=Vanity Fair |url=https://www.vanityfair.com/magazine/2015/07/donald-ivana-trump-divorce-prenup-marie-brenner}} by [[Marie Brenner]] * "I want five children, like in my own family, because with five, then I will know that one will be guaranteed to turn out like me," Donald told a close friend. ** {{citation |date=September 1, 1990 |author=Marie Brenner |title=After the Gold Rush |periodical=Vanity Fair |url=https://www.vanityfair.com/magazine/2015/07/donald-ivana-trump-divorce-prenup-marie-brenner}} * Very good question. (pause) I don't think it's a sin but I don't think it should be done. ** in response to the question, "Is [[adultery]] a sin." ** in the ''[[New York Post]]'' (February 23, 1990), as [http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2016/10/30/donald-trump-in-1990-adultery-is-not-a-sin.html archived at ''the Daily Beast''] * [[Leona Helmsley]] is a truly evil human being. She treated employees worse than any human being I've ever witnessed and I've dealt with some of the toughest human beings alive. ** {{citation |year=1990 |month=March |author=Glenn Plaskin |title=The Playboy Interview with Donald Trump |periodical={{w|Playboy}} |url=https://www.playboy.com/read/playboy-interview-donald-trump-1990}} * When [[1989 Tiananmen Square protests|the students poured into Tiananmen Square]], the {{w|Chinese government}} almost blew it. Then they were vicious, they were horrible, but they put it down with strength. That shows you the power of strength. ** {{citation |year=1990 |month=March |author=Glenn Plaskin |title=The Playboy Interview with Donald Trump |periodical={{w|Playboy}} |url=https://www.playboy.com/read/playboy-interview-donald-trump-1990}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2016-10-20 |title=Bury Trump in a Landslide |periodical={{w|New York Daily News}} |url=http://interactive.nydailynews.com/2016/10/daily-news-editorial-bury-trump-in-landslide/}} * I said to the [[bankers]], "Listen, fellows, if I have a problem, then you have a problem. We have to find a way out or it's going to be a difficult time for both of us." ** ''Fortune'' (August 13, 1990), as quoted in ''The World According to Trump'' (2005) by Ken Lawrence, p. 44 ** Cf. [[J. Paul Getty]]: "If you owe the bank $100, that's your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that's the bank's problem." ===1991=== * You know, it doesn't really matter what the media writes as long as you've got a young and beautiful piece of ass. ** [http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/news/a24057/donald-trump-presidential-run-2016-072913/ Esquire Interview] (1991) ===1992=== * You have to treat 'em [women] like s--- {{sic}} ** Reported in {{cite news |title=Fighting Back: Trump Scrambles off the Canvas |first=Julie |last=Baumgold |work=New York |volume=25 |number=44 |date=1992-11-09 |page=43 |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=BeUCAAAAMBAJ&q=%22trump+is+talking+about+women+and+says%22#v=snippet&q=%22trump%20is%20talking%20about%20women%20and%20says%22&f=false}}. Bowdlerization in the original. * Wow! Just think — in a couple of years I'll be dating you. ** to two 14-year-old girls in 1992 ** from the {{w|Chicago Tribune}}, as archived at [http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2016/10/13/in_1992_trump_told_two_14_year_old_girls_in_a_couple_of_years_i_ll_be_dating.html Slate] * He's a good guy, and he's not going to hurt anybody. . . . He treated his wife well and . . . he will treat Marla well. :Actresses, people that you write about just call to see if they can go out with him and things. :I mean, he's living with Marla and he's got three other girlfriends. :He does things for himself. When he makes a decision, that will be a very lucky woman. :* Speaking about himself under the pseudonym of [[w:Pseudonyms of Donald Trump#"John Miller" (1991)|John Miller]] in [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-politics/wp/2016/05/13/transcript-the-full-text-of-john-miller-interview-about-donald-trump-with-people-reporter/?tid=a_inl a 1991 interview with a ''People'' reporter], [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-politics/wp/2016/05/13/transcript-the-full-text-of-john-miller-interview-about-donald-trump-with-people-reporter/?tid=a_inl Donald Trump masqueraded as publicist to brag about himself], Washington Post * I'm gonna be dating her in ten years. ** of a 10-year-old girl, in 1992 ** {{citation |date=2016-10-13 |author=Emily Schultheis |title=More allegations, questionable Trump comments on women surface |periodical=CBS News |url=http://www.cbsnews.com/news/more-unearthed-footage-trump-says-of-10-year-old-i-am-going-to-be-dating-her-in-10-years/}} ===1993=== * '''Howard Stern''': So, you treat women with respect?<br>'''Donald Trump''': Uh, I can't say that either.<br>'''Stern''': Alright, good. ** An interview on ''[[w:The Howard Stern Show|The Howard Stern Show]]'', 1993 * You know, if you’re young, and in this era, and if you have any guilt about not having gone to Vietnam, we have our own Vietnam—it’s called the dating game... Dating is like being in Vietnam. You’re the equivalent of a soldier going over to Vietnam. ** An interview on ''The Howard Stern Show'', 1993, [https://people.com/politics/trump-boasted-of-avoiding-stds-while-dating-vaginas-are-landmines-it-was-my-personal-vietnam/ archived by ''People''] *I am not a {{w|law enforcement officer}}. I am not supposed to be going around checking {{w|Indian reservation}}s. That is what you have [[w:Federal Bureau of Investigation#Indian reservations|the FBI for]], and they are very capable, the most capable. **Oversight Hearing Before the Subcommittee on Native American Affairs of the Committee on Natural Resources, House of Representatives, October 5, 1993: In ''Implementation of Indian Gaming Regulatory Act: Oversight Hearing Before the Subcommittee on Native American Affairs of the Committee on Natural Resources, House of Representatives, One Hundred Third Congress ... Public Law 100-497, the Indian Gaming Regulatory Act of 1988'', Part 5, page 187 ===1994=== * Well, I think that she's got a lot of [[w:Marla Maples|Marla]] [Maples, Trump's second wife], she's a really beautiful baby, and she's got Marla's legs. We don't know whether she's got this part yet [gestures toward own chest], but time will tell... ** [http://www.slate.com/blogs/the_slatest/2016/04/06/video_donald_trump_on_his_one_year_old_daughter_s_brests.html On his then-one year old daughter Tiffany], ''Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous'', 1994 *Everybody's always blaming me for everything. **16 May 1994 in "For Sale by Owner" s4e24 of "Fresh Prince of Bel-Air", [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_wcNmQ_hEk&t=70 video here] ===1996=== * Let's make a deal; if you promise not to get "personal" with me, I will promise not to show you as the crude, fat and obnoxious slob which everyone knows you are. Sincerely, Donald J. Trump. ** [http://www.palmbeachdailynews.com/lifestyles/before-twitter-name-calling-letter-from-donald-trump/KaGSV40cQnefESyXhe5CuN/ Letter to journalist Shannon Donnelly], 1996 ===1997=== *“It’s amazing, I can’t even believe it. I’ve been so lucky in terms of that whole world, it is a dangerous world out there. It’s like Vietnam, sort of. It is my personal Vietnam. I feel like a great and very brave solider” **speaking of having [[sex]] and referring to women's genitals as “potential landmines”. ** An interview on ''The Howard Stern Show'', 1997, [https://people.com/politics/trump-boasted-of-avoiding-stds-while-dating-vaginas-are-landmines-it-was-my-personal-vietnam/ archived by ''People''] ===1999=== * I'm [[w:Conservatism in the United States|conservative]], and even very [[conservative]]. But I'm quite [[w:Liberalism in the United States|liberal]] and getting much more [[w:Healthcare reform debate in the United States#Liberal arguments|liberal on health care]] and other things. I really say: What's the purpose of a country if you're not going to have defensive and [[health care]]? If you can't take care of your sick in the country, forget it, it's all over. I mean, it's no good. So I'm very liberal when it comes to health care. I believe in {{w|universal health care}}. I believe in whatever it takes to make people well and better. ** [http://edition.cnn.com/ALLPOLITICS/stories/1999/10/08/trump.transcript/ Interview with Larry King] ''CNN'' (October 1999) * I surround myself with the best people. I know the best people. ** On an interview (1999 November 26) * The part of my life I think I'm most disappointed in is that I have not had the great marriage. And I would have thought that would have happened, because I came from a home—you know, it's not like some of my [[Friend|friends]], they get divorced, but their parents were divorced twice or three times. I came from a home where marriage was just incredible. I mean, my parents truly loved each other. ** ''Good Morning America'' (2 December 1999), as quoted in ''The World According to Trump'' (2005) by Ken Lawrence, p. 46 * I'm on the conservative side, but [[Pat Buchanan|[Pat] Buchanan]] is [[Attila]] the Hun. ** As quoted in ''Selected Quotes from Newsweek Magazine, 1999'' — {{cite web |url=https://web.archive.org/web/20001015150910/http://www.sph.umich.edu/~rwatt/old_nw3.htm |title=Richard Watanabe - Newsweek Quotes, 1999 |publisher=Sph.umich.edu |date= |accessdate=2010-06-13}} * People want me to [run for president] all the time … I don't like it. Can you imagine how controversial I'd be? You think about him ''[Bill Clinton]'' and the women. How about me with the women? Can you imagine? ** On ''{{W|Hardball with Chris Matthews}}'', as quoted in {{citation |date=1999-07-12 |author=Deborah Orin |title=Trump ‘toys’ with prez run |periodical={{w|New York Post}} |url=http://nypost.com/1999/07/12/trump-toys-with-prez-run}} ===2000=== * I generally oppose [[w:Gun control in the United States|gun control]], but I support the ban on [[assault weapon]]s. **{{cite book |title=[[w:The America We Deserve|The America We Deserve]] |authorlink1=w:Donald Trump |first1=Donald |last1=Trump |first2=Dave |last2=Shiflett |year=2000 |publisher=[[w:Renaissance Books|Renaissance Books]] |isbn=1580631312}}; {{cite news |title=Trump's Evolving Positions on Gun Issues |first1=Linda |last1=Qiu |first2=Kitty |last2=Bennett |date=March 12, 2018 |newspaper=[[w:The New York Times|The New York Times]] |accessdate=September 6, 2018 |url=https://www.nytimes.com/2018/03/12/us/politics/trump-evolving-positions-gun-issues.html}} * So the [[wikipedia:Reform Party of the United States of America|Reform Party]] now includes a Klansman, Mr. [[David Duke|Duke]], a [[neo-Nazi]], Mr. Buchanan, and a [[communist]], [[w:Lenora Fulani|Ms. Fulani]]. This is not company I wish to keep. ** As quoted in {{cite news |last= |first= |date=14 February 2000 |title=QUOTATION OF THE DAY |url=http://www.nytimes.com/2000/02/14/nyregion/quotation-of-the-day-815233.html |newspaper=The New York Times |location= |access-date= }}<!--{{cite news |last1=Kaczynski |first1=Andrew |last2=Massie| first2=Christopher |date= Aug. 26, 2015, at 11:27 p.m. |title=Top Racists And Neo-Nazis Back Donald Trump |url=http://www.buzzfeed.com/andrewkaczynski/meet-the-prominent-white-nationalists-fired-up-to-support-do#.vuV8WvAdp |newspaper=BuzzFeed News |location= |access-date= }}--> * I judge people based on their capability, honesty, and merit. ** [https://books.google.com/books?id=smMEAAAAMBAJ&pg=PA23&dq=%22Trump%20towers%22 "Trump towers"], interview with Paul Alexander, ''The Advocate'' (15 February 2000), p. 23 * It's very possible that I could be the first [[w:United States presidential election|presidential candidate]] to run and make money on it. ** Reported by Jerry Useem, [http://fortune.com/2000/04/03/what-does-donald-trump-really-want/ "What Does Donald Trump Really Want?"], ''Fortune'', 3 April 2000. ===2002=== * I think the regulations are very tough, but I think they could be made tougher. And where they really have to be made tougher is when somebody is proven [[w:Unfair business practices|to be dishonest]], not a mistake, not an honest mistake because look, people make bad business deals all the time. When somebody is proven to be dishonest, really harsh punishment has to take place. **''[[w:Hardball with Chris Matthews|Hardball with Chris Matthews]]'' (15 July 2002), as quoted in ''The World According to Trump'' (2005) by Ken Lawrence, p. 23 * '''[[Howard Stern]]''': Are you for [[w:2003 invasion of Iraq|the invasion of Iraq]]? * '''Donald Trump''': Yeah, I guess so. I wish, uh, I wish [[Gulf War|the first time]] it was done correctly. ** Interview on [[wikipedia:The Howard Stern Show|Howard Stern Show]] (11 September 2002), reported by ''[https://www.buzzfeed.com/andrewkaczynski/in-2002-donald-trump-said-he-supported-invading-iraq-on-the? BuzzFeed]'' (19 February 2016) * I've known Jeff for fifteen years. Terrific guy. He's a lot of fun to be with. It is even said that he likes beautiful women as much as I do, and many of them are on the younger side. No doubt about it — Jeffrey enjoys his social life. ** On [[w:Jeffrey Epstein|Jeffrey Epstein]]. Quoted in ''[https://nymag.com/nymetro/news/people/n_7912/ New York]'', 28 October 2002. * I don't know how you do it. I've put together some really impressive deals, but this thing you've pulled off, it's amazing: a Big N' Tasty for just a dollar. How do you do it? What's your secret? Together Grimace, we could own this town. ** Trump's lines in a [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4QNXnNftWk McDonald's advert] (2002), quoted in {{citation|date=2019-01-15|author=Rachel Desantis|title=Donald Trump’s lifelong love of fast food, from his 2002 McDonald’s commercial to ‘hamberders’|periodical=New York Daily News|url=https://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/ny-news-donald-trump-has-always-loved-fast-food-20190115-story.html}} ===2003=== * I love beautiful women, and beautiful women love me. It has to be both ways. ** Interview with Norwegian talk show host [[wikipedia:Fredrik Skavlan|Fredrik Skavlan]] in (November 2003).{{fix cite}}<!-- published/quoted where? --> ===2004=== * Now, if your boss is a sadist, then you have a big problem. In that case, fire your boss and get a new job. ** ''Trump: How to Get Rich'' (2004) * If you don't tell people about your success, they probably won't know about it. ** ''Trump: How to Get Rich'' (2004), p. xiii * Get going. Move forward. Aim high. Plan for a takeoff. Don't just sit on the runway and hope someone will come along and push the airplane. It simply won't happen. Change your attitude and gain some altitude. Believe me, you'll love it up here. ** ''Trump: How to Get Rich'' (2004), p. 74 * In business—every business—the bottom line is understanding the process. If you don't understand the process, you'll never reap the rewards of the process. ** ''Trump: How to Get Rich'' (2004), p. 86 * Watch, listen, and learn. You can't know it all yourself—anyone who thinks that they do is destined for mediocrity. ** ''Trump: The Way to the Top: The Best Business Advice I Ever Received'' (2004), p. 20 * I don't like firing people. It's not a pleasant thing and it's sad. ... In some cases, it's a terrible, terrible situation for the person who gets fired, how strongly they take it. So it's not something that any rational or sane person can love doing, but it also happens to be a fact of life in business. ** ''Boston Herald'' (7 January 2004), as quoted in ''The World According to Trump'' (2005) by Ken Lawrence, p. 16 * People say, "Do you have the same opportunity today as you had years ago?" And I said, "Absolutely." You always have an opportunity. There's always an opportunity, especially in this country. ** [http://edition.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0403/21/le.00.html Late Edition with Wolf Blitzer], ''CNN'' (21 March 2004) * All of the women on [[w:The Apprentice (U.S. TV series)|''The Apprentice'']] flirted with me - consciously or unconsciously. That's to be expected. **[http://www.nydailynews.com/archives/gossip/donald-cuomo-mario-fired-article-1.612165 Ny Daily News] (24 March 2004) * ''[On "You're fired!":]'' There's a beauty in those two words. When you utter those words, there's very little that can be said. There's a succinctness to those words. ** {{citation |title=Trump TV / 'The Apprentice' takes realistic inside look at corporate world |journal=San Francisco Chronicle |date=2004-03-28 |first=David |last=Armstrong |url=http://www.sfgate.com/business/article/Trump-TV-The-Apprentice-takes-realistic-2802491.php }} * My life is seeing everything in terms of "How would ''I'' handle that?" '''Look at the [[Iraq War|war in Iraq]] and the mess that we're in. I would never have handled it that way.''' Does anybody really believe that Iraq is going to be a wonderful democracy where people are going to run down to the voting box and gently put in their ballot and the winner is happily going to step up to lead the county? C'mon. Two minutes after we leave, there's going to be a [[revolution]], and the meanest, toughest, smartest, most vicious guy will take over. And he'll have [[w:Iraq and weapons of mass destruction|weapons of mass destruction]], which [[Saddam Hussein|Saddam]] didn't have. '''What was the purpose of this whole thing? Hundreds and hundreds of young people killed. And what about the people coming back with no arms and legs? Not to mention the other side. All those Iraqi kids who've been blown to pieces. And it turns out that all of the reasons for the war were blatantly wrong. All this for nothing!''' ** ''Esquire'' magazine (August 2004); [http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/interviews/a37230/donald-trump-esquire-cover-story-august-2004/ "Donald Trump: How I'd Run the Country (Better)" (18 August 2015)] * Pregnancy is "a wonderful thing for the woman, it's a wonderful thing for the husband, it's certainly an inconvenience for a business." ** About pregnancy (2004) * The concept of shaking hands is absolutely terrible, and statistically I’ve been proven right. ** Playboy, 2004 [https://eu.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/onpolitics/2016/06/14/donald-trump-70-birthday-quotes/85619552/] * In many cases, I probably identify more as Democrat. It just seems that the [[economy]] does better under the [[Democrats]] than the [[Republicans]]. Now, it shouldn't be that way. But if you go back, I mean it just seems that the economy does better under the Democrats. ...But certainly we had some very good economies under Democrats, as well as Republicans. But we've had some pretty bad [[disaster]] under the Republicans. ** Said in an interview with CNN's [[Wolf Blitzer]], as quoted by {{citation |title=Trump in '04: 'I probably identify more as Democrat' | journal=CNN | author=Chris Moody | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2015/07/21/politics/donald-trump-election-democrat/index.html }} ===2005=== * I'll go backstage, before a show, and everyone's getting dressed and ready and everything else. And you know, no men are anywhere. And I'm allowed to go in because I'm the owner of the pageant and therefore I'm inspecting it. You know I'm inspecting, I want to make sure everything is good, the dresses, "Is everyone OK?", you know they're standing there with no clothes, "Is everybody OK?", and you see these incredible-looking women, and so I sort of get away with things like that. ** [https://soundcloud.com/user-735086019/101g1 Comments about his ownership of Miss Universe on the Howard Stern Show] (11 April 2005) * They had a person who was extremely proud that a number of the women had become doctors. And I wasn't interested. ** [https://soundcloud.com/user-735086019/101g1 Comments about his ownership of Miss Universe on the Howard Stern Show] (11 April 2005) * I did try and fuck her. She was married. '''I moved on her like a bitch, but I couldn't get there.''' And she was married. Then all of a sudden I see her, she's now got the big phony tits and everything. She's totally changed her look. I've gotta use some [[w:Tic Tacs|Tic Tacs]], just in case I start kissing her. You know, I'm automatically attracted to beautiful — I just start kissing them. It's like a magnet. '''Just kiss. I don't even wait. When you're a star, they let you do it. You can do anything... Grab 'em by the pussy. You can do anything.''' ** To {{w|Billy Bush}} in 2005; [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/08/us/donald-trump-tape-transcript.html "Transcript: Donald Trump's Taped Comments About Women"], ''The New York Times'' (8 October 2016) ===2006=== * It would be really disappointing — not really — but it would depend on what’s inside the magazine. I don’t think Ivanka would do that, although she does have a very nice figure. I’ve said if Ivanka weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her. ** On 7 March 2006 during an appearance on the daytime talk show ''[[w:The View (talk show)|The View]]'' while discussing the possibility of [[Ivanka Trump]]’s posing for ''[[Playboy]]'' magazine. As quoted in ''[https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/donald-trump-date-daughter/ Did Donald Trump Say He’d Like to Date His Daughter?]'' by Dan Evon, 10 July 2015, ''{{w|Snopes}}'', and quoted with video clip in {{citation|date=2016-10-10|author=Adam Withnall|title=Donald Trump's unsettling record of comments about his daughter Ivanka|periodical=The Independent|location=UK|url=https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-elections/donald-trump-ivanka-trump-creepiest-most-unsettling-comments-a-roundup-a7353876.html}} * I thought today's women were independent and had a lot of sexual freedom. ... Well, I guess they fooled me. ** In April 2006, about women's disaproval of {{w|one-night stand}}s. As quoted in ''[https://www.marketwatch.com/story/trump-on-clinton-in-2008-shed-make-a-good-president-2016-07-11 Trump on Clinton in 2008: ‘She'd make a good president']'' (July 11, 2016) by Michael Rothfield and {{w|Mark Maremont}}, ''{{w|MarketWatch}}''. * '''Jon Ward:''' There's a lot of talk, which you no doubt heard too, about a sort of [[real estate]] bubble. What's your take on that pessimism? * '''Donald Trump:''' Well, first of all, I sort of hope that happens because then people like me would go in and buy. ** ''How to Build a Fortune'' (2006), Trump University audiobook, quoted in {{citation|date=2016-05-19|author=Jeremy Diamond|title=Donald Trump in 2006: I 'sort of hope' real estate market tanks|periodical=CNN|url=https://www.cnn.com/2016/05/19/politics/donald-trump-2006-hopes-real-estate-market-crashes/index.html}} * No, I have no age — I mean, I have age limit. I don't want to be like Congressman Foley, with, you know, 12-year-olds, ** [https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/donald-trump-howard-stern-tapes-women-35_uk_57fa46e1e4b01fa2b904368b Donald Trump Howard Stern Tapes Show Him Saying 35 Is 'Check-Out Time' For Women And Agreeing His Daughter Is A 'Piece Of Ass'] (2006) When asked if he has an age limit for women he'll sleep with. ===2007=== * Since I love what I do, I do it vigorously and I do it better. Because I inject it with enthusiasm and passion, it doesn't feel like work. My passion spills over to everyone around me and motivates them to do their very best. ** ''[https://books.google.com/books?id=uuR61zcvMTgC&pg=PA1&lpg=PA1&dq=%22since+I+LOVE+WHAT+I+DO,+I+DO+IT+VIGOROUSLY%22&source=bl&ots=ko6GrZPr-e&sig=x3zLQ1fWbNJIrx-7M0CzI-zPljg&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjuncTq2OvRAhXCLMAKHTzHDNwQ6AEIGjAA#v=onepage&q=%22since%20I%20LOVE%20WHAT%20I%20DO%2C%20I%20DO%20IT%20VIGOROUSLY%22&f=false Trump 101 The Way to Success]'' (2007), p. 1 * Passion is absolutely necessary to achieve any kind of long-lasting success. I know this from experience. If you don't have passion, everything you do will ultimately fizzle out or, at best, be mediocre. ** ''Trump 101 The Way to Success'' (2007), p. 2 * [[Iraq War|The war]] is total disaster. It's a catastrophe, nothing less. It is such a shame that this took place. In fact, I gained a lot of respect for our current [[George H. W. Bush|president's father]] by the fact that he had the sense not to go in to [[Iraq]]. He won the war and then said let's not go the rest of the way and he turned out to be right. And [[Saddam Hussein]], whether they like him or didn't like him, he hated [[terrorists]]. He'd shoot and kill terrorists. When terrorists came in to his country, which he did control and he did dominate, he would kill terrorists. Now it's a breeding ground for terrorists. So, look, the war is a total catastrophe...and they have [[w:Sectarian violence in Iraq (2006–08)|a civil war]] going on. ** [http://www.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0703/16/sitroom.03.html Interview on "The Situation Room" with Wolf Blitzer] (16 March 2007) * I make that --- twice now, on a Monday I let returning Iraqi injured [[soldiers]] come to the premises. The most beautiful people I've ever seen. But they're missing arms and legs, they're with their wives, sometimes they're with their girlfriends. And the tears are coming down the faces of these people. I mean, thousands and maybe hundreds of thousands, and [[w:Casualties of the Iraq War#Total Iraqi casualties|the Iraqis that have been just maimed and killed]]. This war is a horrible thing. Now, President Bush says he's [[religious]]. And yet 400,000 people, the way I count it, have died, and probably millions have been badly maimed and injured. What's going on? What's going on? And the day we pull out it's going to explode. We're keeping the lid on a little bit. It's still a catastrophe, but the day we pull out, because they're in a [[w:Iraqi Civil War|civil war]]. Whether we want to admit it or not, they're in a civil war. ** [http://www.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0703/16/sitroom.03.html Interview on "The Situation Room" with Wolf Blitzer] (16 March 2007) * [[Hillary Clinton]] I think is a terrific woman. I am biased because I have known her for years. I live in New York. She lives in New York. I really like her and her husband both a lot. I think she really works hard. And I think, again, she's given an agenda, it is not all of her, but I think she really works hard and I think she does a good job. I like her. ** 2007 ''CNN'' interview, reported in [[w:Zeke J. Miller|Zeke J. Miller]], "[http://time.com/3962799/donald-trump-hillary-clinton/ When Donald Trump Praised Hillary Clinton]", ''[[w:Time (magazine)|Time]]'' (July 17, 2015). * {{w|Trump Steaks}} are the world's greatest steaks, and I mean that in every sense of the word. Treat yourself to the very, very best life has to offer you. And as a gift, Trump Steaks are the best you can give. One bite, and you'll know exactly what I'm talking about, and believe me. I understand steaks, it's my favorite food. ** Lines marking the introduction of Trump Steaks by The Sharper Image (2007) * My net worth fluctuates, and it goes up and down with the markets and with attitudes and with feelings, even my own feelings, but I try. ** Claimed in December 2007, quoted in [https://money.cnn.com/2011/04/21/news/companies/donald_trump/index.htm "Trump: I'm worth whatever I feel"], ''CNN'' (April 21, 2011) * Congratulations on being named Time magazine's 'Man of the Year' — you definitely deserve it. As you have probably heard, I'm a big fan of yours! ** [https://www.businessinsider.com/revealed-donald-trump-letters-to-vladimir-putin-miss-universe-russia-2020-8?r=US&IR=T Letter to Russian president Vladimir Putin] ===2008=== * They'll walk up, and they'll flip their top, and they'll flip their panties. ** [http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/donald-trump-details-sexual-attractions-relationships-radio-interviews/story?id=37190691 Interview on ''The Howard Stern Show''] (2008) * Hillary Clinton said she'd consider naming [[Barack Obama]] as her vice president when she gets the nomination, but she's nowhere near a shoo-in. ** About the [[w:Democratic Party presidential primaries, 2008|2008 Democratic Party presidential primaries]] in audio released by the ''Journal''. As quoted in ''[http://time.com/4402522/donald-trump-hillary-clinton-good-president/ Donald Trump Once Said Hillary Clinton Would Make A 'Good President']'' (July 12, 2016) by Tara John, ''{{w|The Times}}''. * For his part, Obama said he's just focused on winning the nomination although at least one member on his team said Clinton would make a good vice president. Well, I know her and she'd make a good president or good vice president. ** About the [[w:Democratic Party presidential primaries, 2008|2008 Democratic Party presidential primaries]] in an audio from "Trumped!", a syndicated radio feature that aired from 2004 to 2008. As quoted in ''[http://time.com/4402522/donald-trump-hillary-clinton-good-president/ Donald Trump Once Said Hillary Clinton Would Make A 'Good President']'' (July 12, 2016) by Tara John, ''{{w|The Times}}''. * It's very exciting we have a new president. It would have been nice if he ended with a 500 point up instead of down. It's certainly very exciting. His speech was great last night. I thought it was inspiring in every way. And, hopefully he's going to do a great job. But the way I look at it, he cannot do worse [[w:Presidency of George W. Bush|than Bush]]. ** [http://www.foxnews.com/story/2008/11/06/donald-trump-on-president-elect-obama-cannot-do-worse-than-bush.html "Donald Trump on President-Elect Obama: 'He Cannot Do Worse Than Bush'" Interview with Greta Van Susteren] [[Fox News]] (6 November 2008) ===2009=== * If I'd started in business thinking I knew everything, I'd have been sunk before I started... Never think of learning as being a burden or studying as being boring. It may require some discipline, but it can be an adventure. It can also prepare you for a new beginning. ** ''Think Like a Champion: An Informal Education In Business and Life'' (2009), pp. 16–17 * Without passion, you don't have energy; without energy, you have nothing. [[Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel|Nothing great in the world has been accomplished without passion.]] ** As quoted in ''Social Networking for Authors: Untapped Possibilities for Wealth'' (2009) by Michael Volkin, p. 60 *let's just talk. I'll give you as much time as you want. I'll tell you what you need to know **2009 to [[w:Bradley Edwards|Bradley Edwards]] (attorney prosecuting [[Jeffrey Epstein]]) as narrated by Edwards in December 2018 interview, according to [https://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2019/07/prosecutor-in-2009-epstein-case-said-donald-trump-was-the-only-one-who-helped-him/ 7 July 2019 article by Joe Hoft of Gateway Pundit] ===2010=== *Well, I think I was born with a drive for success. I had a father who was successful. He was a builder in Brooklyn and Koreans. And he was successful. And, you know, I have a certain gene. I'm a gene believer. Hey, when you connect two race horses, you usually end up with a fast horse. And I really was -- you know, I had a -- a good gene pool from the standpoint of that. **[https://web.archive.org/web/20200924215510/https://us.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/1002/10/ctw.01.html CNN interview] (February 2010) ===2011=== * Part of the [[beauty]] of me is that I am very [[rich]]. ** Interview with [[w:Ashleigh Banfield|Ashleigh Banfield]] on ABC's ''[[w:Good Morning America|Good Morning America]]'' (17 March 2011); also in {{citation |date=2011-03-17 |author=Neil King Jr. |title=Trump on 2012: ‘Part of Beauty of Me Is I'm Very Rich’ |periodical=Washington Wire |publisher=Wall Street Journal |url=http://blogs.wsj.com/washwire/2011/03/17/trump-on-2012-part-of-beauty-of-me-is-im-very-rich/}} * They asked [[John McCain]] for his [[w:Birth certificate|birth certificate]]. They've asked others for their birth certificate. They asked Bush for his birth certificate, by the way. I just found out over the weekend. And they would ask me for my birth certificate and by the way, it's sitting on the top of my desk. They give you a certificate of live birth, which anybody can get, just walk into the hospital, and you get a certificate of live birth. It's not even signed by people. Now, this guy either has a birth certificate or he doesn't. And I didn't think this was such a big deal, but I will tell you, it's turning out to be a very big deal because people now are calling me from all over saying, please don't give up on this issue. If you weren't born in this country, [[w:Natural-born-citizen clause|you cannot be president]]. ** About [[w:Barack Obama citizenship conspiracy theories|Barack Obama's birth certificate]]. {{citation |title=Fox & Friends |medium=Television |publisher=Fox News |date=2011-03-28}} ** {{citation |title=Fox Goes Birther: Trump Tells Unquestioning Co-hosts, "I'm Starting To Wonder...Whether Or Not <nowiki>[Obama]</nowiki> Was Born In This Country" |journal=[[w:Media Matters for America|Media Matters for America]] |date=2011-03-28 |url=http://mediamatters.org/mmtv/201103280006 |accessdate=2011-03-30}} * So he could have come into the country, and they did it for social reasons they put it in! They did it for whatever reason. There are a lot of reasons you could have put an ad in. But he could have been born outside of this country. Why can't he produce a birth certificate and by the way, there is one story that his family doesn't even know what hospital he was born in! ** About [[w:Barack Obama citizenship conspiracy theories|Barack Obama's birth certificate]]. {{citation |title=Fox & Friends |medium=Television |publisher=Fox News |date=2011-03-28}} ** {{citation |title=Fox Goes Birther: Trump Tells Unquestioning Co-hosts, "I'm Starting To Wonder...Whether Or Not <nowiki>[Obama]</nowiki> Was Born In This Country" |journal=[[w:Media Matters for America|Media Matters for America]] |date=2011-03-28 |url=http://mediamatters.org/mmtv/201103280006 |accessdate=2011-03-30}} * I start off every time I talk about [[w:Barack Obama citizenship conspiracy theories#Campaigners and proponents|the birthers]], I start off by saying, and it's very interesting, I was a great student at the best college in the country. You know? I want to let people know. I'm a smart guy. Because what they do to the birthers, and I don't even like the term, the birthers. I think it's unfair to them. These are people that want to see a birth certificate. They want to know that the president was born here! ** About [[w:Barack Obama citizenship conspiracy theories|Barack Obama's birth certificate]]. {{citation |title=Fox & Friends |medium=Television |publisher=Fox News |date=2011-03-28}} ** {{citation |title=Fox Goes Birther: Trump Tells Unquestioning Co-hosts, "I'm Starting To Wonder...Whether Or Not <nowiki>[Obama]</nowiki> Was Born In This Country" |journal=[[w:Media Matters for America|Media Matters for America]] |date=2011-03-28 |url=http://mediamatters.org/mmtv/201103280006 |accessdate=2011-03-30}} * Because if you're not born in the United States, you cannot be president. And, there is a real question. And if this birth certificate exists, you know what I get a kick out of? [[w:Neil Abercrombie|The Governor of Hawaii]] says, "I remember when he was born 50 years ago." I doubt it. I think this guy should be investigated. I doubt it. He remembers when [[w:Early life and career of Barack Obama#Childhood years|Obama was born]]? Give me a break! He's just trying to do something for [[Democratic Party (United States)|his party]]. The fact is, if you're not born in the United States, you cannot be president. He is having a hard time — he spent millions of dollars trying to get away from this issue, millions of dollars in legal fees trying to get away from this issue. And I'll tell you what, I brought it up just routinely and all of a sudden, a lot of facts are emerging, and I'm starting to wonder myself whether or not he was born in this country. ** About [[w:Barack Obama citizenship conspiracy theories|Barack Obama's birth certificate]]. {{citation |title=Fox & Friends |medium=Television |publisher=Fox News |date=2011-03-28}} ** {{citation |title=Fox Goes Birther: Trump Tells Unquestioning Co-hosts, "I'm Starting To Wonder...Whether Or Not <nowiki>[Obama]</nowiki> Was Born In This Country" |journal=[[w:Media Matters for America|Media Matters for America]] |date=2011-03-28 |url=http://mediamatters.org/mmtv/201103280006 |accessdate=2011-03-30}} * '''Donald Trump''': Meredith, he spent two million dollars in legal fees trying to get away from this issue. And if he weren't lying, why wouldn't he just solve it? And I wish he would, because if he doesn't, it's one of the greatest scams in the history of [[politics]], and in the history period. You are not allowed to be a president if you're not born in this country. He may not be born in this country. And I'll tell you what, three weeks ago I thought he was born in this country. Right now, I have some real doubts. I have people that actually have been studying it and they cannot believe what they're finding.<br>'''Meredith Vieira''': You have people now, down there searching—<br>'''Trump''': Absolutely.<br>'''Vieira''': I mean, in [[Hawaii]]?<br>'''Trump''': Absolutely. And they cannot believe what they're finding. I would like to have him show his birth certificate, and can I be honest with you, I hope he can. Because if he can't, if he can't, if he wasn't born in this country, which is a ''real'' possibility, I'm not saying it hap— I'm saying it's a ''real'' possibility, much greater than I thought two or three weeks ago, then he has pulled one of the great cons in the history of politics. And beyond politics. **{{citation |title=Today |date=2011-04-07 |publisher=NBC |medium=Television}} ** regarding Barack Obama ** Two million dollars is the sum of all the Obama presidential campaign's post-election legal expenses.[http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2011/apr/12/donald-trump/donald-trump-claims-obama-has-spent-2-million-lega/] * '''[[w:David Brody (journalist)|David Brody]]''': [[Radical Islam]]: to [[Evangelicalism in the United States|Evangelicals]], this is a bread and butter issue. You said there's a [[Islam in the United States|Muslim problem]] in this country. What do you mean by that exactly? <br> '''Donald Trump''': [[Bill O'Reilly (commentator)|Bill O'Reilly]] asked me is there a Muslim problem? And I said absolutely, yes. In fact I went a step further. I said I didn't see [[Swedes|Swedish people]] [[September 11 attacks|knocking down the World Trade Center]]. It was very interesting. I thought that was going to be a controversial statement and somebody, I think it was [[Dennis Miller]] introduced me, he was doing like an analysis of me, he said, I love it. The guy said what the truth is. He didn't mince his words. He didn't say, 'Oh, gee, no there's not a Muslim problem, everybody's wonderful.' And by the way, many, many, most Muslims are wonderful people, but is there a Muslim problem? Look what's happening. Look what happened right here in my city with the World Trade Center and lots of other places. So I said it and I thought it was going to be very controversial but actually it was very well received. I think people want the truth. I think they're tired of politicians. They're tired of [[politically correct]] stuff. I mean I could have said, 'Oh absolutely not Bill, there's no Muslim problem, everything is wonderful, just forget about the World Trade Center.' But you have to speak the truth. We're so politically correct that this country is falling apart. <br>'''Brody''': With some evangelicals there are some problems with the teachings of the [[Koran]]. Do you have concerns about the Koran? <br> '''Trump''': Well, I'll tell you what. The Koran is very interesting. A lot of people say it [[w:Religious views on love#Islam|teaches love]] and there is a very big group of people who really understand the Koran far better than I do. I'm certainly not an expert, to put it mildly. But there's something there that teaches some very negative vibe. I mean things are happening, when you look at people blowing up all over the streets that are in some of the countries over in the [[Middle East]], just blowing up a super market with not even soldiers, just people, when 250 people die in a super market that are shopping, where people die in a store or in a street. There's a lot of hatred there that's some place. Now I don't know if that's from the Koran. I don't know if that's from some place else. But there's tremendous hatred out there that I've never seen anything like it. So, you have two views. You have the view that the Koran is all about love and then you have the view that the Koran is, that there's a lot of [[w:Violence in the Quran|hate in the Koran]]. ** On [[w:CBN News|CBN News]]' "The Brody File" (12 April 2011) ([https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWzDAvemJG8 video]) ([http://blogs.cbn.com/thebrodyfile/archive/2011/04/12/brody-file-exclusive-donald-trump-says-something-in-koran-teaches.aspx transcript]) * I look very much forward to showing my financials. Because they are huge. ** {{citation |first=Michael |last=Scherer |title=In the presence of Donald Trump |date=2011-04-11 |journal=Time |url=http://swampland.time.com/2011/04/14/in-the-presence-of-donald-trump/ |accessdate=2019-10-28}} * I heard he was a terrible student, terrible. How does a bad student go to Columbia and then [[w:Early life and career of Barack Obama#Harvard Law School|to Harvard]]? I'm thinking about it, I'm certainly looking into it. Let him show his records. ** Associated Press interview, 2011-04-25 ** {{citation |first=Lucy |last=Madison |title=Trump: How did Obama get into the Ivy League? |date=2011-04-25 |journal=CBS News |url=http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503544_162-20057214-503544.html |accessdate=2011-05-01|archiveurl=https://archive.is/dnCsg|archivedate=2013-06-28}} ** About [[w:Barack Obama#Education|Barack Obama's education]], who graduated from {{w|Columbia University}} in 1983 and graduated ''magna cum laude'' with a {{w|Juris doctorate}} from Harvard Law School in 1991 * Today I'm very [[proud]] of myself, because I've accomplished something that nobody else has been able to accomplish. I was just informed, while on the helicopter, that our president has finally released a birth certificate. I want to look at it, but I hope it's true, so that we can get on to much more important matters, so the press can stop asking me questions. He should have done it a long time ago. Why he didn't do it when the Clintons asked for it, why he didn't do it when everyone else was asking for it, I don't know. But I am really honored, frankly, to have played such a big role in hopefully, hopefully getting rid of this issue. Now, we have to look at it, we have to see, is it real? Is it proper? What's on it? But I hope it checks out beautifully. I am really proud, I am really honored. ** press conference, 2011-04-27 ** {{citation |title=Trump Questions Obama Birth Certificate |date=2011-04-27 |journal=TMZ |url=http://www.tmz.com/2011/04/27/donald-trump-barack-obama-birth-certificate-comment-quote/ |accessdate=2011-05-01}} ** Regarding the release of Barack Obama's full birth record from Hawaii that morning * The word is, according to what I've have read, is that he was a terrible student when he went to [[w:Occidental College|Occidental]]. He then gets to [[w:Columbia_University|Columbia]] and then gets to [[Harvard University|Harvard]]. I heard at Columbia he was not a very good student, and then he then he gets into Harvard. How do you get into Harvard if you are not a good student? Maybe that's right, maybe that's wrong, but I don't know why he doesn't he release his records. Why doesn't he release his Occidental records? ** press conference, New Hampshire, 2011-04-27 ** {{citation |title=Schieffer: Racism underlying Trump's assertions |date=2011-04-27 |journal=CBS News |url=http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503544_162-20058072-503544.html |accessdate=2011-05-01|archiveurl=https://archive.is/ryIny|archivedate=2013-06-28}} ** About [[Barack Obama]], who transferred to Columbia from Occidental College in 1981, graduated from Columbia in 1983, and graduated ''magna cum laude'' with a Juris doctorate from Harvard Law School in 1991 * It's like in [[golf]]. A lot of people — I don't want this to sound trivial — but a lot of people are switching to these really long putters, very unattractive. It's weird. You see these great players with these really long putters, because they can't sink three-footers anymore. And, I hate it. I am a [[Traditionalistic|traditionalist]]. I have so many fabulous friends who happen to be [[Homosexuality|gay]], but I am a traditionalist. **{{citation |title=After Roasting, Trump Reacts In Character |date=2011-05-01 |journal=New York Times |first=Michael |last=Barbaro |url=http://www.nytimes.com/2011/05/02/nyregion/after-roasting-trump-reacts-in-character.html |accessdate=2011-05-06}} ** on his opposition to [[same-sex marriage]] * I know the [[Chinese people|Chinese]]. I've made a lot of money with the Chinese. I understand the Chinese mind. ** As quoted in {{citation |date=2011-05-03 |author=Tony Pierce |title=Donald Trump has read a lot of books on China: 'I understand the Chinese mind' |periodical=Los Angeles Times |url=http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/washington/2011/05/donald-trump-i-understand-the-chinese-mind.html}}, and in {{citation |date=2015-08-24 |author=John Mauldin |title=Playing the Chinese Trump Card |periodical=Forbes |url=http://www.forbes.com/sites/johnmauldin/2015/08/24/playing-the-chinese-trump-card/}} * I dealt with [[Muammar Gaddafi|Gaddafi]]. I rented him a piece of land. He paid me more for one night than the land was worth for two years, and then I didn't let him use the land. That's what we should be doing. I don't want to use the word 'screwed,' but I screwed him. That's what we should be doing. ** As quoted in {{citation |date=2015-07-22 |title=Donald Trump: In his own colourful words |periodical=BBC News |url=http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-33619045}} * She's a slob, she talks like a truck driver. * If I were running my business, I'd fire Rosie, I mean, I'd look her right in that fat ugly face of hers and say, "Rosie, you're fired." ** On an interview on why he hates [[Rosie O'Donnell]] (28 August 2011) *[[Barney Frank]] looked disgusting--nipples protruding--in his blue shirt before Congress. Very very disrespectful. * Twitter, quoted by the [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-fix/wp/2016/12/08/donald-trump-has-called-37-things-disgusting-on-twitter/ Washington Post] (20 December 2011) * Our president will start a war with [[Iran]] because he has absolutely no ability to negotiate. He is weak and he is ineffective. So the only way he figures he is going to be reelected and as sure as you are sitting there, is to start a war with Iran. ** A now-deleted video on his YouTube video blog. {{citation |date=2020-01-03 |title=Trump repeatedly claimed in 2011 and 2012 that Obama would start a war with Iran to win reelection |author=Andrew Kaczynski |periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/01/03/politics/kfile-trump-obama-2012-iran-war-reelection/index.html}} ===2012=== * [[Mitt Romney|Mitt]] is tough. He is smart. He is sharp. He is not going to allow bad things to continue to happen to this country that we all love. So Gov. Romney, go out and get em. You can do it. ** Quoted in {{citation | date = 2012-02-02 | url = http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503544_162-57370443-503544/trump-endorses-mitt-romney-for-president/ | author = Corbett B. Daly | title = Trump endorses Mitt Romney for president | periodical = CBS News }} * No, I've never ''really'' changed. Nothing's ''changed'' my ''mind''. And by the way, you know, you have a huge group of people — I walk down the street, and people are screaming, "Please don't give that up." A lot of people are questioning his birth certificate. They're questioning the authenticity of his birth certificate. I've been known as being a very smart guy for a long time. I don't consider myself birther or not birther, but there are some major questions here and the press doesn't wanna cover it. The press just refuses to cover it. Now if that were somebody else, they would be covering it, and they'd be throwing people out of office. But they don't want to cover it. So it's interesting. ** {{citation | title = Telephone interview | publisher = CNBC | date = 2012-05-29 }}, quoted in {{citation | date = 2012-05-29 | title = Donald Trump Goes On Epic Birther Rant | newspaper = {{w|The Huffington Post}} | author = Melissa Jeltsen | url = http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/29/donald-trump-romney-obama-birther_n_1553074.html }} * '''Wolf Blitzer:''' Donald, you're beginning to sound a little ridiculous, I have to tell you.<br>'''Donald Trump:''' No I think you are, Wolf. Now let me tell you something, I think ''you'' sound ridiculous, and if you'd ask me a question and let me answer it —<br>'''Blitzer:''' Here's the question, did the conspiracy start in 1961 where the [[w:Honolulu Star-Bulletin|''Honolulu Star-Bulletin'']] and the [[w:Honolulu Advertiser|''Honolulu Advertiser'']] contemporaneously published announcements that he was born in [[Hawaii]]?<br>'''Trump:''' That's right. That's right. And many people put those announcements in because they wanted to get the benefit because of getting so-called born in this country. Many people did it. It was something that was done by many people even though they weren't born in the country. You know and so do I... And so do a lot of your viewers. Although you don't have too many viewers. * '''Donald Trump''' (clip): I have people that actually have been studying it and they cannot believe what they're finding.<br>'''Meredith Vieira''' (clip): You have people now, down there searching—<br>'''Trump''' (clip): Absolutely.<br>'''Vieira''' (clip): I mean, in Hawaii?<br>'''Trump''' (clip): Absolutely. And they cannot believe what they're finding.<br>'''Wolf Blitzer''': All right, tell us what your people who were investigating in Hawaii, what they found.<br>'''Trump''': Oh, we don't have to go into old news. That's ''old'' news.<br>'''Blitzer''': Well, what did they find?<br>'''Trump''': There's been plenty found. You can call many people. You can read many, many articles on the authenticity of the certificate. You can read many articles from just recently as to what the publisher printed in a brochure as to what Obama told him, as to where his place of birth is. And that's fine, Wolf.<br>Now, it's appropriate, I think, that we get to the subject of hand, which is — at hand, which is jobs, which is [[Economy of the United States|the economy]], which is how our country is not doing well at all under this leadership, which is how are we going to do something about energy, which is really that things that I wanted to talk to you about, but you like to keep going back to the place of birth. ** {{citation | title = The Situation Room | publisher = CNN | date = 2012-05-29 }}, quoted in {{citation | date = 2012-05-29 | title = Wolf Blitzer Spars With Donald Trump Over Obama's Birth Certificate | author = Elizabeth Flock | newspaper = US News & World Report | url = http://www.usnews.com/news/blogs/washington-whispers/2012/05/29/wolf-blitzer-spars-with-donald-trump-over-obamas-birth-certificate }} ** Referring to a 1991 promotional booklet by literary agency Acton & Dystel with bios of 89 authors, that erroneously described Barack Obama as "born in Kenya".[http://www.snopes.com/politics/obama/birthers/booklet.asp] *@ariannahuff is unattractive both inside and out. I fully understand why her former husband left her for a man- he made a good decision. **28 August 2012 [https://archive.md/PtoCf tweet] * He [Obama] lost the popular vote by a lot and won the election. We should have a [[revolution]] in this country! * The phoney [sic] electoral college made a laughing stock out of our nation. The loser one! * More votes equals a loss... revolution! * This election is a total sham and a travesty. We are not a democracy! * The [[w:United_States_Electoral_College|electoral college]] is a disaster for a democracy. ** Tweets on November 6 and 7, 2012, some of which were later deleted. Trump falsely believed Barack Obama had lost the popular vote. [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/fact-checker/wp/2016/11/15/trumps-flip-flop-on-the-electoral-college-from-disaster-to-genius/ Trump’s flip-flop on the electoral college: From ‘disaster’ to ‘genius’] * [[Republicans]] didn't have anything going for them with respect to {{w|Latinos}} and with respect to [[Asian people|Asians]]... The [[Democrats]] didn't have a policy for dealing with illegal immigrants, but what they did have going for them is they weren't mean-spirited about it... They didn't know what the policy was, but what they were is they were kind... He had a crazy policy of self deportation which was maniacal... It sounded as bad as it was, and he lost all of the Latino vote... He lost the Asian vote. He lost everybody who is inspired to come into this country... Take care of this incredible problem that we have with respect to [[Immigration to the United States|immigration]], with respect to people wanting to be wonderful productive citizens of this country. ** Interview with Newsmax (November 2012), quoted in {{citation|date=2015-07-10|author=Jim Geraghty|title=Trump 2008: Bush Is Evil, Talk to Iran, Obama Cannot Do Worse Than Bush|periodical=National Review|url=http://www.nationalreview.com/corner/420996/trump-2008-bush-evil-talk-iran-obama-cannot-do-worse-bush-jim-geraghty}} *[climate change was] "created by and for the Chinese in order to make US manufacturing non-competitive" ** said in 2012 according to [https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-51213003 What does Trump actually believe on climate change?] *"It doesn't matter who you vote for--it matters who is counting the votes." Be careful of voter fraud!. Oct 10 2012 [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/256063573669855232] ===2013=== * I’m a very compassionate person (with a very high [[Intelligence quotient|IQ]]) with strong common sense. ** "[https://edition.cnn.com/2017/10/10/politics/donald-trump-tillerson-iq/index.html Donald Trump's IQ obsession, in 22 quotes]" (April 21, 2021) * Sorry losers and haters, but my I.Q. is one of the highest -and you all know it! Please don't feel so stupid or insecure,it's not your fault ** [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/332308211321425920 Tweet 9 May 2013] * I keep asking, how long will we go on defending [[South Korea]] from [[North Korea]] without payment? South Korea is a very very rich country. They're rich because of us. They sell us [[Television|televisions]], they sell us cars. They sell us everything. They are making a fortune. We have a huge deficit with South Korea. They're friends of mine. I do deals with them. I've been partners with them, no problem. But they think we're stupid. They can't believe it. We are defending them against North Korea, we're doing it for nothing. We're not in that position. When will they start to pay us for this defense? Isn't it really ridiculous when you think of it? They make a fortune on the United States and then they got some problems, and what happens? They call the United States to defend them, and we get nothing? **[https://www.youtube.com/watch/?v=agk9ZCrYol4 "From the Desk of Donald Trump: South Korea"] ''[[w:YouTube|YouTube]]'' (10 April 2013) * Must be a pretty picture you dropping to your knees. ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n7NDpHfXTCI " to Brande Roderick, From The Apprentice, Season 6, Episode 1"] (3 March 2013) <!-- ''YouTube'' --> * Leadership: whatever happens, you're responsible. If it doesn't happen, you're responsible. ** [https://twitter.com/realdonaldtrump/status/398887965302091776 Tweet (8 November 2013)] * I do have a relationship and I can tell you that he's very interested in what we're doing here today, he's probably very interested in what you and I are saying today, and I'm sure he is going to be seeing it in some form. But I do have a relationship with him, and I think, er, it's very interesting to see what's happened. I mean, look, he's done a very brilliant job in terms of what he represents and who he's representing, if you look at what he's done with Syria, if you look at so many of the different things, he has really eaten our president's lunch, let's not kid ourselves. ** [http://www.msnbc.com/thomas-roberts/watch/trump-discusses-putin-in-2013-734124099973 Trump responding to a question about whether he had a relationship with Vladimir Putin during an interview with MSNBC's Thomas Roberts while visiting Moscow for the Miss Universe competition] (November 2013) ===2014=== *Healthy young child goes to doctor, gets pumped with massive shot of many vaccines, doesn't feel good and changes - AUTISM. Many such cases! **Twitter, [https://x.com/realDonaldTrump/status/449525268529815552?lang=en 28 March 2014] * If this doctor, who so recklessly flew into New York from West Africa, has Ebola,then Obama should apologize to the American people & resign! ** [https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/trump-obama-ebola-tweet/ Snopes fact check: Did Trump Call for Obama to Resign After Ebola Doctor Returned to U.S.? (23 Oct)] ===2015=== ====May 2015==== * There is a way of beating [[Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant|ISIS]] so easily, so quickly, so effectively, and it would be so nice...I know a way that would absolutely give us guaranteed victory...the problem is then everybody will take the idea, run with it and then people will forget where it came from...'''I ran it past two or three people. [It's] so simple. It's like the paper clip.''' ** On his plan to defeat ISIS (May 2015) ====June 2015==== * So I said to myself, you know, nobody's ever going to know unless I run, because I'm really proud of my success. ** [https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/how-donald-trump-helped-democrats-pass-obamacare/2015/06/22/002f4c7c-18ea-11e5-ab92-c75ae6ab94b5_story.html Announcement speech] (June 2015) * I will build a great, great wall on our southern border, and I will have Mexico pay for that wall. Mark my words. ** Campaign launch rally, 15 June 2015 =====[[wikipedia:Donald Trump presidential campaign, 2016#Announcement|Presidential Bid Announcement]] (June 16, 2015)===== [[File:Donald_Trump_crop_2016.jpeg|thumb|Sadly, the [[American dream]] is dead. But if I get elected president, I will bring it back bigger and better and stronger than ever before, and we will [[w:Make America Great Again|make America great again]].]] : <small>At {{w|Trump Tower}}, {{#formatdate:2015-06-16}}, speech announcing his candidacy for U.S. president — {{citation | date = June 16, 2015 | title = Full text: Donald Trump announces a presidential bid | author = | newspaper = The Washington Post | url = https://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/post-politics/wp/2015/06/16/full-text-donald-trump-announces-a-presidential-bid/ }}</small> * Our country is in serious trouble. We don't have [[victories]] anymore. We used to have victories, but we don't have them. When was the last time anybody saw us beating, let's say, China in a trade deal? They kill us. I beat China all the time. All the time. When did we beat [[Japan]] at anything? They send their cars over by the millions, and what do we do? When was the last time you saw a [[Chevrolet]] in [[Tokyo]]? It doesn't exist, folks. They beat us all the time. When do we beat [[Mexico]] at the border? They're laughing at us, at our stupidity. And now they are beating us [[economically]]. They are not our friend, believe me. But they're killing us economically. The U.S. has become a dumping ground for everybody else's problems. * '''When Mexico sends its people, they're not sending their best. They're not sending you. They're not sending you. They're sending people that have lots of problems, and they're bringing those problems with us. They're bringing [[drugs]]. They're bringing crime. They're rapists. And some, I assume, are [[good]] people.''' But I speak to [[wikipedia:United States Border Patrol|border guards]] and they tell us what we're getting. And it only makes common sense. It only makes common sense. They're sending us not the right people. It's coming from more than Mexico. It's coming from all over [[Latin America|South and Latin America]], and it's coming probably – probably – from the [[Middle East]]. But we don't know. Because we have no protection and we have no competence, we don't know what's happening. And it's got to stop and it's got to stop fast. * {{w|Islamic terrorism}} is eating up large portions of the Middle East. They've become rich. I'm in competition with them. They just built a hotel in Syria. Can you believe this? They built a hotel. When I have to build a hotel, I pay interest. They don't have to pay interest, because they took the oil that, when we left Iraq, I said we should've taken. * I love the military, and I want to have the strongest military that we've ever had, and we need it more now than ever. But I said, "Don't hit Iraq," because you're going to totally destabilize the [[Middle East]]. [[Iran]] is going to take over the Middle East, Iran and somebody else will get the oil, and it turned out that Iran is now taking over Iraq. Think of it. Iran is taking over Iraq, and they're taking it over big league. * We lost thousands of lives, thousands in [[Iraq War|Iraq]]. We have wounded soldiers, who I love, I love — they're great — all over the place, thousands and thousands of wounded soldiers. And we have nothing. We can't even go there. We have nothing. And every time we give Iraq equipment, the first time a bullet goes off in the air, they leave it. * Last quarter, it was just announced our [[Gross Domestic Product|gross domestic product]] — a sign of [[strength]], right? But not for us. It was below zero. Whoever heard of this? It's never below zero. * A lot of people up there can't get jobs. They can't get jobs, because there are no jobs, because China has our jobs and Mexico has our jobs. They all have jobs. * Our [[enemies]] are getting stronger and stronger by the way, and we as a country are getting [[weaker]]. Even our [[nuclear arsenal]] doesn't work. It came out recently they have equipment that is 30 years old. They don't know if it worked. And I thought it was horrible when it was broadcast on television, because boy, does that send signals to [[Vladimir Putin|Putin]] and all of the other people that look at us and they say, "That is a group of people, and that is a nation that truly has no clue. They don't know what they're doing. They don't know what they're doing." * We have a disaster called the big lie: {{w|Obamacare}}. ... We have to repeal Obamacare, and it can be — and — and it can be replaced with something much better for everybody. Let it be for everybody. But much better and much less expensive for people and for the [[government]]. And we can do it. * Remember the [[w:HealthCare.gov|$5 billion Web site]]? $5 billion we spent on a [[Internet|Web site]], and to this day it doesn't work. A $5 billion Web site. I have so many Web sites, I have them all over the place. I hire people, they do a Web site. It costs me $3. * I watch the speeches of these people, and they say the sun will rise, the moon will set, all sorts of wonderful things will happen. And people are saying, "What's going on? I just want a job. Just get me a job. I don't need the rhetoric. I want a job." * Obama is going to be out playing golf. He might be on one of my courses. I would invite him, I actually would say. I have the best courses in the world, so I'd say, you what, if he wants to — I have one right next to the White House, right on the Potomac. If he'd like to play, that's fine. In fact, I'd love him to leave early and play, that would be a very good thing. * I've watched the politicians. I've dealt with them all my life. If you can't make a good deal with a politician, then there's something wrong with you. You're certainly not very good. And that's what we have representing us. They will never make America great again. They don't even have a chance. They're controlled fully — they're controlled fully by the lobbyists, by the donors, and by the special interests, fully. * I have lobbyists. I have to tell you. I have lobbyists that can produce anything for me. They're great. But you know what? it won't happen. It won't happen. Because we have to stop doing things for some people, but for this country, it's destroying our country. We have to stop, and it has to stop now. * Our country needs a truly great leader, and we need a truly great leader now. We need a leader that wrote "[[wikipedia:Trump: The Art of the Deal|The Art of the Deal]]." We need a leader that can bring back our jobs, can bring back our manufacturing, can bring back our military, can take care of our vets. Our vets have been abandoned. And we also need a cheerleader. ... We need somebody that can take the brand of the United States and make it great again. It's not great again. * He (Barack Obama) was vibrant. He was young. I really thought that he would be a great cheerleader. ... But he wasn't a cheerleader. He's actually a negative force. He's been a negative force. He wasn't a cheerleader; he was the opposite. * We need somebody that can take the brand of the United States and make it great again. It's not great again. * We need -- we need somebody -- we need somebody that literally will take this country and make it great again. We can do that. * You know, all of my life, I've heard that a truly successful person, a really, really successful person and even modestly successful cannot run for public office. Just can't happen. And yet that's the kind of mindset that you need to make this country great again. * So, ladies and gentlemen, I am officially running for president of the United States, and we are going to make our country great again! * We have people that aren't working. We have people that have no incentive to work. But they're going to have incentive to work, because the greatest social program is a job. And they'll be proud, and they'll love it, and they'll make much more than they would've ever made, and they'll be — they'll be doing so well, and we're going to be thriving as a country, thriving. It can happen. I will be the greatest jobs president that God ever created. I tell you that. * We owe China $1.3 trillion. We owe Japan more than that. So they come in, they take our jobs, they take our money, and then they loan us back the money, and we pay them in interest, and then the dollar goes up so their deal's even better. How stupid are our leaders? How stupid are these politicians to allow this to happen? How stupid are they? * I'm totally against the trade bill for a number of reasons. Number one, the people negotiating don't have a clue. Our president doesn't have a clue. He's a bad negotiator. He's the one that did [[Bowe Bergdahl|Bergdahl]]. We get Bergdahl, they get five killer terrorists that everybody wanted over there. We get Bergdahl. We get a [[traitor]]. We get a no-good traitor, and they get the five people that they wanted for years, and those people are now back on the battlefield trying to kill us. That's the negotiator we have. * [[Israel]] maybe won't exist very long. It's a disaster, and we have to protect Israel. * I'm a [[Free trade|free trader]]. But the problem with free trade is you need really [[Talent|talented]] people to negotiate for you. If you don't have talented people, if you don't have great leadership, if you don't have people that know business, not just a political hack that got the job because he made a contribution to a campaign, which is the way all jobs, just about, are gotten, free trade terrible. Free trade can be wonderful if you have smart people, but we have people that are stupid. We have people that aren't smart. And we have people that are controlled by special interests. And it's just not going to work. * I love China. The [[w:Bank of China|biggest bank in the world]] is from China. You know where their United States headquarters is located? In this building, in Trump Tower. I love China. People say, "Oh, you don't like China?" No, I love them. But their leaders are much smarter than our leaders, and we can't sustain ourself with that. * We have all the cards, but we don't know how to use them. We don't even know that we have the cards, because our leaders don't understand the game. We could turn off that spigot by charging them tax until they behave properly. * You have a problem with [[Islamic State|ISIS]]. You have a bigger problem with China. And, in my opinion, the new China, believe it or not, in terms of trade, is Mexico. * I know the smartest negotiators in the world. I know the good ones. I know the bad ones. I know the overrated ones. * I love the [[Saudis]]. Many are in this building. They make a billion dollars a day. Whenever they have problems, we send over the ships. We say "we're gonna protect." What are we doing? They've got nothing but money. * Saudi Arabia without us is gone. They're gone. * All of these politicians that I'm running against now, they're trying to disassociate. I mean, you looked at Bush, it took him five days to answer the question on Iraq. He couldn't answer the question. He didn't know. I said, "Is he [[intelligent]]?" Then I looked at [[Marco Rubio|Rubio]]. He was unable to answer the question, is Iraq a good thing or bad thing? He didn't know. He couldn't answer the [[question]]. How are these people gonna lead us? How are we gonna — how are we gonna go back and make it great again? We can't. They don't have a clue. They can't lead us. They can't. They can't even answer simple questions. It was terrible. * [[Saudi Arabia]] is in big, big trouble. Now, thanks to [[W;Fracking|fracking]] and other things, the oil is all over the place. And I used to say it, there are ships at sea, and this was during the worst crisis, that were loaded up with oil, and the cartel kept the price up, because, again, they were smarter than our leaders. They were smarter than our leaders. * I think I am a nice person. People that know me, like me. Does my [[family]] like me? I think so, right. Look at my family. I'm proud of my family. * This is going to be an election that's based on competence, because people are tired of these nice people. And they're tired of being ripped off by everybody in the world. And they're tired of spending more money on education than any nation in the world per capita, than any nation in the world, and we are 26th in the world, 25 countries are better than us in education. And some of them are like third world countries. But we're becoming a third word country, because of our infrastructure, our airports, our roads, everything. So one of the things I did, and I said, you know what I'll do. I'll do it. Because a lot of people said, "He'll never run. Number one, he won't want to give up his lifestyle." They're right about that, but I'm doing it. * We have losers. We have people that don't have it. We have people that are morally corrupt. We have people that are selling this country down the drain. * I would build a great wall, and nobody builds walls better than me, believe me, and I'll build them very inexpensively, I will build a great, great wall on our southern border. And I will have Mexico pay for that wall. * I will stop Iran from getting nuclear weapons. And we won't be using a man like Secretary [[John Kerry|Kerry]] that has absolutely no concept of negotiation, who's making a horrible and laughable deal, who's just being tapped along as they make weapons right now, and then goes into a bicycle race at 72 years old, and falls and breaks his leg. I won't be doing that. And I promise I will never be in a bicycle race. That I can tell you. * Fully support and back up the [[Second Amendment to the United States Constitution|Second Amendment]]. * Bush is totally in favor of [[wikipedia:Common Core State Standards Initiative|Common Core]]. I don't see how he can possibly get the nomination. He's weak on immigration. He's in favor of Common Core. How the hell can you vote for this guy? You just can't do it. We have to end — education has to be local. * Rebuild the country's infrastructure. Nobody can do that like me. Believe me. It will be done on time, on budget, way below cost, way below what anyone ever thought. I look at the roads being built all over the country, and I say I can build those things for one-third. What they do is unbelievable, how bad. * Save {{w|Medicare}}, {{w|Medicaid}} and [[Social Security (United States)|Social Security]] without cuts. Have to do it. Get rid of the [[fraud]]. Get rid of the waste and abuse, but save it. People have been paying it for years. And now many of these candidates want to cut it. You save it by making the United States, by making us rich again, by taking back all of the money that's being lost. * We're in a [[wikipedia:Economic bubble|bubble]]. We have artificially low interest rates. We have a stock market that, frankly, has been good to me, but I still hate to see what's happening. We have a stock market that is so bloated. Be careful of a bubble because what you've seen in the past might be small potatoes compared to what happens. So be very, very careful. * Sadly, the American dream is dead. But if I get elected president, I will bring it back bigger and better and stronger than ever before, and we will make America great again. ====July 2015==== * '''Donald Trump''': Oh, well, if you look at the statistics, of people coming— I didn't say about Mexic— I say the ''[[illegal immigrants]]''— if you look at the statistics on [[rape]], on [[crime]], on everything, coming in illegally into this country, they're mind-boggling. If you go to [[w:Fusion News|Fusion]], you will see a story about 80% of the women coming in– I mean, you have to take a look at these stories. And you know who owns Fusion? [[w:Univision|Univision]]. It was in ''[[w:The Huffington Post|The Huffington Post]]''. I said, let me get some of these articles because I've heard some horrible things. I deal<!--sic--> a lot of talking with people on the border patrol. They're incredible people. They help our country.<br>'''Don Lemon''': But I want some clarification–<br>'''Trump''': No, but Don, all you have to do is go to Fusion and pick up the stories on ''rape'', and it's unbelievable when you look at what's going on. So all I'm doing is telling the truth.<br>'''Lemon''': I've read ''The Washington Post'', I read the Fusion, I read ''The Huffington Post''. And that's about women ''being'' raped, it's not about criminals coming across the border entering the country.<br>'''Trump''': Somebody's doing the raping, Don, I mean, you know– I mean, somebody's doing it. You think it's women being raped, well who's doing the raping? Who's doing the raping? I mean how can you say such a thing. So, the problem is you have to stop illegal immigration coming across the border. You have to create a strong border. If you don't, we don't have a country. **{{citation | date = 2015-07-01 | title = The Situation Room | medium = TV | publisher = CNN | url = http://www.cnn.com/2015/07/01/politics/donald-trump-immigrants-raping-comments/ }} [[File:Donald_Trump_by_Gage_Skidmore_2.jpg|thumb|I can't apologize for the truth.]] * '''I can never apologize for the truth. I don't mind apologizing for things but I can't apologize for the truth.''' ** {{citation | date = 2015-07-02 | title = TRUMP: 'I use the word rape and all of a sudden everyone goes crazy' | author = | newspaper = finance.yahoo.com | url = https://finance.yahoo.com/news/trump-word-rape-sudden-everyone-172614480.html }} * I didn't know it was going to be this severe. ** {{citation | date = 2015-07-04 | title = Trump stands by statements on Mexican illegal immigrants, surprised by backlash | author = | newspaper = FoxNews.com | url = http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2015/07/04/trump-stands-by-views-dangerous-mexican-illegal-immigrants-admits-surprised-by/ }} * I don't know. I really don't know. I don't know why he wouldn't release his records. ** When asked whether he thought [[Barack Obama]] was born in the U.S. — as quoted in {{citation | date = 2015-07-10 | title = Trump: I'm still a birther | author = Nick Gass | newspaper = Politico | url = http://www.politico.com/story/2015/07/donald-trump-birther-obama-119945.html?hp=l2_4&cmpid=sf }} * The {{w|silent majority}} is back, and we're going to take the country back. ** Speech at a packed Phoenix Convention Cente, as quoted in {{citation | date = 2015-07-12 | title = Trump: 'We're Going to Take the Country Back' | author = | newspaper = Fox News Insider | url = http://insider.foxnews.com/2015/07/12/donald-trump-phoenix-speech-were-going-take-country-back }} *The Obama Administration's agreement with Iran is very dangerous. Iran developing a nuclear weapon, either through uranium or nuclear fuel, and defying the world is still a very real possibility. The inspections will not be followed, and Iran will no longer have any sanctions. Iran gets everything and loses nothing. Every promise the Obama Administration made in the beginning of negotiations, including the vow (made at the beginning of the negotiations) to get our great American prisoners returned to the U. S. has been broken. This is a bad deal that sets a dangerous precedent. This deal sets off a nuclear arms race in the Middle East, which is the most-unstable region in the world. It is a horrible and perhaps catastrophic event for [[Israel]]. Furthermore, we should have kept the billions of dollars we have agreed to pay them. Any great dealmaker would know this is a perfect example of "tapping along" and because they have been unchecked for so long throughout this extremely lengthy process, I guarantee they are much closer to producing a nuclear weapon than they were at the start of negotiations. The fact is, the US has incompetent leaders and even more incompetent negotiators. We must do better for America and the world. We have to [[Make America Great Again]]. **[https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/statement-donald-j-trump-the-iran-agreement Statement by Donald J. Trump on the Iran Agreement], ''American Presidency Project'', 14 July 2015 * And I had an idea recently. When they send illegals into our country, we charge Mexico $100,000 for every illegal that crosses that border because it's trouble. ** {{citation | date = 2015-07-15 | title = Fox News "Hannity"- Transcript: Trump On El Chappo And Undocumented Immigration | author = | newspaper = Fox News | url = https://votesmart.org/public-statement/1113598/fox-news-hannity-transcript-trump-on-el-chappo-and-undocumented-immigration#.XxcUdZMzbOQ }} * It's going to get worse in our country and we better start fighting a lot tougher than we're fighting right now. ** {{citation | date = 2015-07-16 | title = Trump: 'Absolutely Ridiculous' Marines Not Allowed to Carry Guns at Centers | author = | newspaper = Fox News Insider | url = http://insider.foxnews.com/2015/07/16/donald-trump-reacts-chattanooga-shootings-oreilly-factor }} * '''Donald Trump:''' 15,000 people showed up to hear me speak. Bigger than anybody and everybody knows it. A beautiful day with incredible people that were wonderful, great Americans, I will tell you. [[John McCain]] goes, "Oh, boy, Trump makes my job difficult. He had 15,000 ''crazies'' show up." Crazies. He called them all crazy. I said, they weren't crazy. They were great Americans. These people— if you would have seen these people— you— I know what a crazy is. I know all about crazies. These weren't crazy. So he insulted me and he insulted everybody in that room...<br>'''Frank Luntz:''' He's a war hero.<br>'''Donald Trump:''' He's not a war hero.<br>'''Luntz:''' He's a war hero.<br>'''Trump:''' He is a war hero—<br>'''Luntz:''' Five and a half years in a POW camp.<br>'''Trump:''' He's a war hero 'cause he was captured. I like people that weren't captured, OK? I hate to tell you.<br>'''Luntz:''' Do you agree with that?<br>'''Trump:''' He's a war hero. He's a war hero because he was captured, OK? You can have— and I believe— perhaps he's a war hero, but— but right now he said some very bad things about a lot of people. ** Family Leadership Summit 2015, quoted in {{citation | date = 2015-07-18 | title = Donald Trump tells John McCain: 'I like people who weren't captured' | author = Harriet Alexander | newspaper = The Telegraph | url = http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/republicans/11748859/Donald-Trump-tells-John-McCain-I-like-people-who-werent-captured.html }} * I see [[Rick Perry]] the other day. ... He's doing very poorly in the polls. He put on glasses so people will think he's smart. And it just doesn't work! You know people can see through the glasses! **{{citation | date = 2015-07-21 | title = Trump Campaign Statement on Rick Perry | author = | newspaper = NPR | url = http://www.npr.org/sections/itsallpolitics/2015/07/21/424994751/the-best-insults-of-the-trump-kickoff-speech }} * But you look at the nuclear deal, the thing that really bothers me—it would have been so easy, and it's not as important as these lives are (nuclear is powerful; my uncle explained that to me many, many years ago, the power and that was 35 years ago; he would explain the power of what's going to happen and he was right—who would have thought?), but when you look at what's going on with the four prisoners—now it used to be three, now it's four—but when it was three and even now, I would have said it's all in the messenger; fellas, and it is fellas because, you know, they don't, they haven't figured that the women are smarter right now than the men, so, you know, it's gonna take them about another 150 years—but the Persians are great negotiators, the Iranians are great negotiators, so, and they, they just killed, they just killed us. ** {{citation | date = 2015-07-21 | title = Speech in Sun City, South Carolina | author = | newspaper = Slate | url = http://www.slate.com/blogs/lexicon_valley/2015/07/31/donald_trump_this_run_on_sentence_from_a_speech_in_sun_city_south_carolina.html }} * If you can't get rich dealing with politicians, there's something wrong with you. ** [http://www.motherjones.com/mojo/2015/07/donald-trump-campaign-speech-lindsey-graham Campaign Rally in South Carolina] ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ImhJ2sFBJmA YouTube]<!--[Has to add exactly minute and second in this video]--> * I'm a Republican, I'm a conservative, I'm in first place, I want to run as a Republican and I think I'll get the nomination... [<nowiki/>[[Hillary Clinton]]] is easily the worst Secretary of State in the history of the country. She's going to be beaten and I'm the one to beat her. ** {{citation | date = 2015-07-23 | title = Donald Trump tours Mexican border with Texas | author = | newspaper = BBC | url = http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-33645971 }} * '''Jose Diaz-Balart:''' Mr. Trump, you know 53,000 [[w:Hispanic-American|Hispanics]] turn 18 years of age in this country every month, born in the country of voting age. 54 million plus Hispanics — many feel that what you said when you said that the people who cross the border are rapists and murderers—<br>'''Donald Trump:''' No, no, no! We're talking about [[w:Illegal immigration in the United States|illegal immigration]] and everybody understands that. And you know what? That's a typical case. That's a typical case of the press with misinterpretation. They take a half a sentence, they take a half a sentence, then they take quarter of a sentence and put it all together. It's a typical thing...<br>'''Diaz-Balart:''' I'm not finished with my question.<br>'''Trump:''' No, no! You're finished! **{{citation | date = 2015-07-23 | title = Crowd Erupts in Applause at How Donald Trump Handles MSNBC Host at Presser: 'You're Finished!' | author = Oliver Darcy | newspaper = TheBlaze | url = http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2015/07/23/crowd-erupts-in-applause-at-how-donald-trump-handles-msnbc-host-at-presser-youre-finished/ }} * I think that I would be a great uniter. I think that I would have great diplomatic skills. I think that I would be able to get along with people very well. I've had a great success in my life. I think the world would unite if I were the leader of the United States. ** {{citation | date = 2015-07-30 | title = Trump: 'World would unite if I were the leader' | author = Jesse Byrnes | newspaper = The Hill | url = http://thehill.com/blogs/ballot-box/presidential-races/249875-trump-world-would-unite-if-i-were-the-leader }} ====August 2015==== [[File:Donald_Trump_by_Gage_Skidmore_3.jpg|thumb|I do whine because I want to win and I’m not happy about not winning and I am a whiner and I keep whining and whining until I win.]] * I think the big problem this country has is being [[Political correctness|politically correct]]. ** Republican Presidential Debate 2015 — {{citation | date = 2015-08-06 | title = Annotated transcript: The Aug. 6 GOP debate | author = | newspaper = The Washington Post | url = https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-politics/wp/2015/08/06/annotated-transcript-the-aug-6-gop-debate/ }} * You could see there was blood coming out of her eyes, blood coming out of her wherever. ** [http://edition.cnn.com/2015/08/08/politics/donald-trump-cnn-megyn-kelly-comment/ On Megyn Kelly] (7 August 2015) * I cherish women. I want to help women. I'm going to do things for women that no other candidate will be able to do. ** {{citation | date = 2015-08-09 | title = 12 times Donald Trump declared his 'respect' for women | author = Gregoy Krieg | newspaper = CNN | url = https://edition.cnn.com/2016/10/07/politics/donald-trump-respect-women/index.html }} * I will be phenomenal to the women. I mean, I want to help women. ** ''Face the Nation'', 9 August 2015 *I think there has to be a trust. There actually has to be a trust. If you don't trust, you're not going to do very well. **In response to a reporter's line of questioning on what his specific plans will be to achieve the goals of his campaign. [http://www.cnsnews.com/news/article/melanie-hunter/trump-specifics-his-proposals-trust-me "Trump on Specifics of His Proposals: ‘Trust Me'"] (12 August 2015), by Melanie Hunter * We have to keep the families together, but they have to go. What if they have no place to go? ** During the [[w:Iowa State Fair|Iowa State Fair]] (2015 August 15) * You know, when you put out policy, like a 14-point plan? A lot of times in the first hour of negotiation, that 14-point plan goes astray, but you may end up with a better deal. That's the way it works. That's the way really life works. When I do a deal, I don't say, "Oh, here's 14 points." I got out and do it. I don't sit down and talk about 14 points. ** Appearance at Iowa State Fair - {{citation | date = 2015-08-15 | title = Donald Trump's surprisingly savvy analysis of American politics | author = | newspaper = The Washington Post | url= http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-fix/wp/2015/08/16/donald-trumps-surprisingly-savvy-comment-about-american-politics/ }} {{Paywalled source}} *What's the difference between a wet raccoon and Donald J. Trump's hair? A wet raccoon doesn't have seven billion fucking dollars in the bank. **20 August 2015 roast on Comedy Central [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-roast-364701 transcribed by Newsweek] * Hillary Clinton was the worst [[United States Secretary of State|Secretary of State]] in the history of the country. The world came apart under her reign... I will be the one to beat Hillary.<br>If you start adding it up, our real unemployment rate is 42%. ** {{citation | date = 2015-08-20 | title = Donald Trump Explains All | author = | newspaper = Time | url = http://time.com/4003734/donald-trump-interview-transcript/ }}. For a discussion of this figure, see [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/02/11/upshot/the-real-jobless-rate-is-42-percent-donald-trump-has-a-point-sort-of.html "The Real Jobless Rate Is 42 Percent? Donald Trump Has a Point, Sort Of"] by Neil Irwin, ''The New York Times'' (10 February 2016). * You've seen my statements, I do very well, I don't mind paying some taxes. The [[w:Middle class|middle class]] is getting clobbered in this country. You know the middle class built this country, not the hedge fund guys, but I know people in hedge funds that pay almost nothing and it's ridiculous. ** Interview on [[w:Bloomberg News|Bloomberg]]'s ''With All Due Respect'' — {{citation | date = 2015-08-26 | title = Donald Trump Says He Wants to Raise Taxes on Himself | author = David Knowles | newspaper = Bloomberg | url = http://www.bloomberg.com/politics/articles/2015-08-26/donald-trump-says-he-wants-to-raise-taxes-on-himself }} * I do whine because I want to win and I’m not happy about not winning and I am a whiner and I keep whining and whining until I win. ** Interview with [[w:Chris Cuomo|Chris Cuomo]]{{citation | date = 2015-08-11 | title = Donald Trump: ‘I keep whining and whining until I win’ | author = Jeremy Diamond | newspaper = CNN | url = https://www.cnn.com/2015/08/11/politics/donald-trump-refutes-third-party-run-report/index.html}} ====September 2015==== * We're a nation that speaks English. I think that, while we're in this nation, we should be speaking English... that's how we assimilate. ** {{citation | date = 2015-09-03 | title = Donald Trump: "While We're in This Nation, We Should Be Speaking English" | newspaper = The Hollywood Reporter | url = http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/donald-trump-speak-english-spanish-820215 }} * "''Look'' at that face! [of [[Carly Fiorina]]] Would anyone ''vote'' for that? Can you imagine that, the face of our next ''president''?!" ** {{citation | date = 2015-09-09 | title = Trump Seriously: On the Trail With the GOP's Tough Guy | newspaper = Rolling Stone | url = http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/news/trump-seriously-20150909 }} * The fact is all lives matter. That includes black, and it includes white, and it includes everybody else. And we have... Democrats that are afraid to even say that. ** As quoted in {{citation | date = 2015-09-09 | title = Donald Trump trashes Black Lives Matter: 'I think they're trouble' | author = Colin Campbell | newspaper = Business Insider | url = http://uk.businessinsider.com/donald-trump-black-lives-matter-2015-9?r=US&IR=T }} * This is a country where we speak English, not Spanish. ** Criticizing Jeb Bush for speaking Spanish on the campaign trail during a Republican Presidential Debate on CNN (16 September 2015) * '''Audience member''': We have a problem in this country, it's called Muslims. Our current President is one. We know he's not even an American. We have training camps growing where they want to kill us. That's my question, when can we get rid of them? <br>'''Donald Trump''': We're going to be looking at a lot of different things. A lot of people are saying that and a lot of people are saying that bad things are happening out there. We're going to be looking at that and a lot of different things. ** At a town hall meeting in New Hampshire — as quoted in {{citation | date = 2015-09-17 | title = Here's How Donald Trump Responded to a Person Saying President Obama is Muslim | author = Maya Rhodan | newspaper = Time | url = http://time.com/4039658/trump-obama-muslim/ }} * Am I morally obligated to defend the president every time somebody says something bad or controversial about him? I don't think so! * This is the first time in my life that I have caused controversy by NOT saying something. ** Tweets — quoted in {{citation | date = 2015-09-20 | title = Trump defend Obama? 'I don't think so!' | author = Doina Chiacu | newspaper = Reuters | url = http://www.reuters.com/article/2015/09/20/us-usa-election-trump-idUSKCN0RJ0KT20150920 }} * You can be politically correct if you want, but are you trying to say we don't have a problem? ... Most Muslims, like most everything, I mean, these are fabulous people... But we certainly do have a problem, I mean, you have a problem throughout the world. ... It wasn't people from Sweden that blew up the World Trade Center. ** On CNN's "State of the Union" with Jake Tapper — as quoted in {{citation | date = 2015-09-20 | title = Trump: 'We certainly do have a problem' with some Muslims | author = Timothy Cama | newspaper = The Hill | url = http://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/254307-trump-we-certainly-do-have-a-problem-with-some-muslims }} * The first thing I'd do in my first day as president is close up our borders so that illegal immigrants cannot come into our country. ** Twitter question and answer session from Twitter's New York office — as quoted in {{citation | date = 2015-09-21 | title = Trump: I'll close US borders 'in my first day' | author = Jesse Byrnes | newspaper = The Hill | url = http://thehill.com/blogs/ballot-box/presidential-races/254391-trump-ill-close-us-borders-in-my-first-day }} * You ever see guys with nothing on their desk? They always fail. I don't know what it is. I've seen it for years. ** Explaining his messy desk, ''The New York Times Magazine'' interview. {{citation | date=2015-09-21 | title=Donald Trump is not going anywhere | author = Mark Leibovich | newspaper = The New York Times Magazine | url = http://www.nytimes.com/2015/10/04/magazine/donald-trump-is-not-going-anywhere.html }} * Why aren't we letting ISIS go and fight Assad and then we pick up the remnants? ** [http://www.cbsnews.com/news/donald-trump-60-minutes-scott-pelley/ Interview in ''60 Minutes''], 2015-09-27 ** Cited by [[Mitt Romney]] in [http://uk.businessinsider.com/mitt-romney-donald-trump-isis-60-minutes-ridiculous-2016-3?r=US&IR=T ''Business Insider''], 2016-03-03 * I will tell you in terms of leadership he is getting an 'A,' and our president is not doing so well. They did not look good together. ** {{citation |date=2015-09-30 |author=Reena Flores |title=Donald Trump gives Russia's Putin an 'A' in leadership |periodical=CBS News |url=https://www.cbsnews.com/news/donald-trump-gives-russias-putin-an-a-in-leadership/}} ====October 2015==== *All my friends who work out all the time, they’re going for knee replacements, hip replacements — they’re a disaster **4 October 2015 interview with [https://www.nytimes.com/2015/10/04/magazine/donald-trump-is-not-going-anywhere.html New York Times] * I've always said, if you run for president, you shouldn't be allowed to use teleprompters. Because you don't even know if the guy is smart. ** Norcross, Georgia, {{#formatdate:2015-10-10}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2016-07-21 |title=Teleprompter Trump: the right temperament or low-energy Donald? |author=Joe Concha |periodical=The Hill |url=https://thehill.com/blogs/pundits-blog/presidential-campaign/288626-teleprompter-trump-the-right-temperament-or-low}} * He was such a nice guy. And he said, Oh, I'm never going to attack. But then his poll numbers tanked. He's got -- that's why he's on the end -- and he got nasty. And he got nasty. So you know what? You can have him. ** Response to [[John Kasich]] {{citation | date=2015-10-28 |title= CNBC Republican debate transcript |newspaper = CNBC |url = http://www.cnbc.com/2015/10/29/cnbc-full-transcript-cnbcs-your-money-your-vote-the-republican-presidential-debate-part-2.html }} ====November 2015==== * '''Trump''': I'm Donald Trump, and I'm running for president. Our country is in deep trouble because let's face it: politics are all talk and no action. My opponents have no experience in creating jobs or making deals. The fact is, I'm going to make the greatest trade deals we've ever made in our country. And I'm going to bring jobs and money back to the United States. I'll take care of our veterans and make our military so strong that nobody will ever mess with us. I'll secure our borders, and yes, we will have a wall. You can't have a country without borders. [[w:Affordable Care Act|Obamacare]] is a great plan . It will be repealed and replaced with something much better. If the people of Iowa vote for me, you'll never be disappointed. I don't disappoint people, I produce. Together, we're going to [[w:Make America Great Again|Make America Great Again]]. I'm Donald Trump, candidate for president, and I hate this message.<br>'''Female V/O''': Paid for by Donald J. Trump for President, Inc. ** Radio ad aired in Iowa (5 November 2015) * You're going to have a deportation force, and you're going to do it humanely and you're going to bring the country -- and, frankly, the people, because you have some excellent, wonderful people, some fantastic people hat have been here for a long period of time. Don't forget, Mika, that you have millions of people that are waiting in line to come into this country and they're waiting to come in legally. And I always say the wall, we're going to build the wall. It's going to be a real deal. It's going to be a real wall. There was a picture in one of the magazines where they had a wall this tall and they were taking drugs over the wall. They built a ramp over the wall and the truck was going up and down. They were using it like a highway; the wall is like a highway. It's not going to happen. It's going to be a Trump wall. It's going to be a real wall. And it's going to stop people and it's going to be good. But your friend [[Thomas Friedman]] called me and said, hah, there should be a big door. I said going to be a big door. I love the expression. There's going to be a big beautiful nice door. People are going to come in and they're going to come in legally. But we have no choice. Otherwise, we don't have a country. We don't even know how many people. We don't know if it's 8 million or if it's 20 million. We have no idea how many people are in our country. And then you see what happened with Kate in San Francisco. You see what happens with all of the things going on, all of the tremendous crime going on. It costs us $200 billion a year for illegal immigration right now. $200 billion a year, maybe $250, maybe $300. They don't even know. We're going to stop it. We're going to run it properly and we're going to stop it. ** On his immigration plan (2015 November 11) * Watch and study the [[Mosque|mosques]], because a lot of talk is going on at the mosques. ** As quoted in [http://www.cnn.com/2015/11/16/politics/donald-trump-paris-attacks-close-mosques/index.html "Donald Trump: 'Strongly consider' shutting mosques"] (16 November 2015), by Gregory Krieg, ''CNN'' (2015), Atlanta, Georgia: Cable News Network. * [When the government says] 'everybody gets equal pay,' you get away from the whole [[American Dream]]. ** An unequal answer about equal pay (19 November 2015) * I would certainly implement that. Absolutely... There should be a lot of systems, beyond databases. We should have a lot of systems... They have to be. They have to be... It's all about management. ** As quoted in [http://www.people.com/article/donald-trump-muslim-database-syrian-refugees "Donald Trump Says He Supports a Database and ID Cards to Track Muslims in the U.S.: 'We're Going to Have to Look at the Mosques'"] (20 November 2015), by Char Adams, ''People''. * Somebody said I’m the Ernest Hemingway of 140 characters. ** Quoted by {{citation | date=2015-11-20 |title= Trump says he’s the Hemingway of Twitter |newspaper = The Hill | author = Bradford Richardson |url = https://thehill.com/blogs/ballot-box/gop-primaries/260949-trump-says-hes-the-hemingway-of-twitter }} * Get him the hell out of here. ** As quoted in [http://www.cbsnews.com/news/trump-supporters-black-lives-matter-protester-clash-at-rally/ "Trump supporters, Black Lives Matter protester clash at rally"] (21 November 2015), by Reena Flores, ''CBS News'', CBS Interactive, Inc. *I watched when the World Trade Center came tumbling down. And I watched in [[w:Jersey City, New Jersey|Jersey City, N.J.]], where thousands and thousands of people were cheering as that building was coming down. Thousands of people were cheering.<br>It was on television. I saw it. It was well covered at the time, George. Now, I know they don't like to talk about it, but it was well covered at the time. There were people over in [[New Jersey]] that were watching it, a heavy Arab population, that were cheering as the buildings came down. Not good. **21 November 2015 speech in [[w:Birmingham, Alabama|Birmingham, Alabama]], then next-day reply to [[George Stephanopoulos]], according to [https://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2015/nov/22/donald-trump/fact-checking-trumps-claim-thousands-new-jersey-ch/ 22 November 2015 PolitiFact article] * Written by a nice reporter. Now the poor guy - you ought to see the guy: ‘Uhh I don't know what I said. I don't remember!' He's going, ‘I don't remember! Maybe that's what I said.' ** As quoted in [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PX9reO3QnUA&t=15 "Trump mocks reporter with disability"] (25 November 2015 by CNN) and [http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/donald-trump/12019097/Donald-Trump-accused-of-mocking-disabled-reporter.html "Donald Trump accused of mocking disabled reporter"] (26 November 2015), by Rob Crilly regarding [[Serge Kovaleski]] =====''[[wikipedia:Crippled America|Crippled America: How to Make America Great Again]]'' (November 2015)===== :published 3 November 2015 * The enthusiasm was based on pure love and love of what we were doing. ** Preface, p. xiv * The fact is I give people what they need and deserve to hear - exactly what they don't get from politicians - and that is The Truth. Our country is a mess right now and we don't have time to pretend otherwise. We don't have time to waste on being politically correct. ** p. 8 * I use the media the way the media uses me—to attract attention. Once I have that attention, it's up to me to use it to my advantage. ** p. 10 * I've seen these so-called journalists flat-out lie. I say that because incompetence doesn't begin to explain the inaccurate stories they have written. ** p. 12 * Our country, our people, and our laws have to be our top priority. ** p. 30 * Citizenship is not a gift we can afford to keep giving away. ** p. 28 * I want good people to come here from all over the world, but I want them to do so legally. We can expedite the process, we can reward achievement and excellence, but we have to respect the legal process. And those people who take advantage of the system and come here illegally should never enjoy the benefits of being a resident--or citizen--of this nation. So I am against any path to citizenship for undocumented workers or anyone else who is in this country illegaly. They should--and need to--go home and get in line. ** p. 30 * Depending on the price of oil, Saudi Arabia earns somewhere between half a billion and a billion dollars every day. They wouldn't exist, let alone have that wealth, without our protection. We get nothing from them. Nothing. We defend Germany. We defend Japan. We defend South Korea. These are powerful and wealthy countries. We get nothing from them. It's time to change all that. It's time to win again. ** p. 34 * When Kuwait was attacked by Saddam Hussein, all the wealthy Kuwaitis ran to Paris. They didn't just rent suites—they took up whole buildings, entire hotels. They lived like kings while their country was occupied. Who did they turn to for help? Who else? Uncle Sucker. That's us. ** p. 34 * We can't be afraid to use our military, but sending our sons and daughters should be the very last resort. I've seen what wars do to our kids. I've seen their broken bodies, know all about the horrors that live in their heads, and the enormous effects of trauma. We cannot commit American troops to battle without a real and tangible objective. ** p. 35 * To me, for politicians to claim that we have an answer to every problem is silly. When you listen to some politicians reeling off their prepared answers, you almost fall for it. They're all experts. But nothing ever happens. ** p. 73 * I manage to blast through the ridiculous liberal bias of the media and speak right to the hearts of the people - or at least I try. ** p. 80 * It's not just jobs that are being lost to other countries. We are seeing whole industries vanish overseas. ** p. 85 * A great leader has to be flexible, holding his ground on the major principles but finding room for compromises that can bring people together. A great leader has to be savvy at negotiations so we don't drown every bill in pork barrel bridges to nowhere. I know how to stand my ground — but I also know that Republicans and Democrats need to find common ground to stand on as well. ** p. 96 * We look at politicians and think: This one's owned by this millionaire. That one's owned by that millionaire, or lobbyist, or special interest group. Me? I speak for the people. So the establishment attacks me. They can't own me, they can't dictate to me, so they search for ways to dismiss me. ** p. 97 ====December 2015==== * My policy has always been the same. We're fighting ISIS and Assad is fighting ISIS, but we're backing rebels to fight [[w:Bashar al-Assad|Assad]]. You can't fight everybody, you have to pick who you want to fight. And now you've got [[Turkey]], who like ISIS more than they like others, no one really knows because we don't have people that know what they're doing. So in my opinion, you go along, and [[Russia]] does not like ISIS, and people are starting to find out. I mean in all fairness lost an airplane, got blew out of the air. So Russia is not a fan of ISIS. Russia is bombing the hell out of them, starting to bomb them. I say isis is our number one threat. We can't be fighting everybody at the same time. ISIS is our number one threat. I would bomb the hell out of them -- I like to do one thing at a time. I would knock the hell out of ISIS. I would hit them ... so hard like they've never been hit before. ** In an interview with ''{{w|Fox & Friends}}''. [http://www.politico.com/story/2015/12/trump-kill-isil-families-216343] (December 2, 2015) * They're using them as shields. It's a horrible thing. They're using them as shields. But we're fighting a very politically correct war. And the other thing is with the terrorists. You have to take out their families. When you get these terrorists, you have to take out their families. They care about their lives. Don't kid yourself. But they say they don't care about their lives. You have to take out their families. ** When asked how he would deal with civilian casualties. In an interview with ''{{w|Fox & Friends}}''. [http://www.politico.com/story/2015/12/trump-kill-isil-families-216343] (December 2, 2015) * If you're in the [[w:White House|White House]], who wants to take a vacation? You're in the White House!… What's better than the White House? Why these vacations? **[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cC_3IxKcQIA Hardball with Chris Matthews, August 4, 2017] December 5, 2015 rally * Donald J. Trump is calling for a total and complete shutdown of Muslims entering the United States until our country's representatives can figure out what is going on... According to Pew Research, among others, there is great hatred towards Americans by large segments of the Muslim population. Most recently, a poll from the [[w:Center for Security Policy|Center for Security Policy]] released data showing "25% of those polled agreed that violence against Americans here in the United States is justified as a part of the global jihad" and 51% of those polled, "agreed that Muslims in America should have the choice of being governed according to [[Sharia|Shariah]]." Shariah authorizes such atrocities as murder against non-believers who won't convert, beheadings and more unthinkable acts that pose great harm to Americans, especially women. **[https://www.donaldjtrump.com/press-releases/donald-j.-trump-statement-on-preventing-muslim-immigration Statement on Preventing Muslim Immigration] (December 7, 2015) archived [https://archive.ph/TK7qR here] * We are losing a lot of people to the Internet. We have to do something. We have to go see [[Bill Gates]] and a lot of different people that really understand what's happening. We have to talk to them [about], maybe in certain areas, closing that Internet up in some way. '''Some people will say, ‘[[Freedom of speech]], Freedom of speech'. These are foolish people.''' ** [https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2015/dec/08/googles-eric-schmidt-spell-checkers-hate-harassment-terrorism Google's Eric Schmidt calls for 'spell-checkers for hate and harassment'], 8 December 2015, by Alex Hern. * We have places in [[London]] and other places that are so radicalised that the [[police]] are afraid for their own lives. We have to be very smart and very vigilant. ** As quoted in [http://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/donald-trump-claims-parts-of-london-are-so-radicalised-police-officers-are-afraid-for-their-lives-a6765026.html "Donald Trump claims parts of London are 'so radicalised' police officers are 'afraid for their lives'"] by Rose Troup Buchanan, ''[[w:The Independent|The Independent]]'' (8 December 2015); also in [http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3352406/Scotland-Yard-mocks-Trump-s-claims-London-police-terrified-Muslim-areas-officers-claim-tycoon-RIGHT.html "'Trump's not wrong – we can't wear uniform in our OWN cars': Five police officers claim Donald Trump is RIGHT about parts of London being so 'radicalised' they are no-go areas"] by Martin Robinson, ''Daily Mail Online'' (9 December 2015) * These are people that are outside the country, so we're really not talking about the [[U.S. Constitution|Constitution]]. And it's not about religion. This is about safety. This has nothing to do with religion. It's about safety. ** Interview on ABC's "Life with Kelly and Michael", as quoted in [http://thehill.com/blogs/ballot-box/presidential-races/262615-trump-muslim-ban-not-about-religion "Trump: Muslim ban 'not about religion'"] by Jesse Byrnes, ''The Hill'' (9 December 2015) * We're doing really well with the [[Evangelicalism in the United States|evangelicals]], and, by the way: And again, I do like [[Ted Cruz]] -- but not a lot of [[Evangelicalism|evangelicals]] come out of [[Cuba]], in all fairness. It's true. Not a lot come out. But I like him nevertheless. But I think we're going to do great, and we are doing great with evangelicals.<br>I'm with you. I'm with everybody. I'm with everybody, look, I'm self-funding. I have no oil company. I have no special [[interest]]. I have no lobbyists.<br>Well look he's from [[Texas]] -- to the best of my knowledge, there's a lot of oil in Texas, right? So, he gets a lot of money from the oil companies, and he's against ethanol and everything you're else talking about. And I'm not I'm totally in favor. And you know it's a big industry here, it's a big industry. You know if that industry is upset Iowa's got problems.<br>I really do, I like Ted Cruz a lot, I would say that we would certainly have things in mind for Ted, to be honest with you. I mean, he's somebody that I could certainly say that [about] because I like him. **11 December 2015 during a rally in Iowa, according to [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-politics/wp/2015/12/11/donald-trump-questions-ted-cruzs-ties-to-major-oil-companies/ Washington Post article] by Jenna Johnson, [http://www.cbsnews.com/news/in-iowa-donald-trump-hits-ted-cruz-on-ethanol-and-religion/ CBS News article] by Kylie Atwood, and [https://web.archive.org/web/20151213223442/http://blogs.reuters.com/talesfromthetrail/2015/12/12/donald-trump-and-ted-cruz-are-best-of-frenemies/ Reuters article] by Emily Stephenson * We're rounding 'em up in a very humane way, in a very nice way. And they're going to be happy because they want to be legalized. And, by the way, I know it doesn't sound nice. But not everything is nice. **27 December 2015 on ''60 Minutes'' * I know words. I have the best words. **30 December 2015 [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kn283OjPb1g speech in Hilton Head Island, South Carolina] reported by [https://gawker.com/yet-another-bold-claim-from-donald-trump-i-know-words-1750331997 Gawker] and [https://dailycaller.com/2015/12/30/trump-i-know-words-i-have-the-best-words-obama-is-stupid-video/ The Daily Caller] * I'm trying to figure out, let's see, I'm in my room, in [[New York City|New York city]], and I want to put a little spray, so I can, you know [mimes spraying] right, right, but I hear they don't want me to use the hairspray, they want me to use the pump, because the other one, which I really like better than going [mimes pumping] bang, bang, bang, and then it comes out in big globs, right, and it's stuck in your hair and you say, "Oh my god I've got to take a shower again, my hair's all screwed up", right, I want to use hairspray, but they say "Don't use hairspray, it's bad for the ozone", so I'm sitting in this concealed [sic] apartment, this concealed unit (you know I do live in a very apartment, right) but it's sealed (it's beautiful) I don't think anything gets out, and I'm not supposed to be using hairspray! **30 December 2015 [https://www.c-span.org/video/?402610-1/donald-trump-campaign-rally-hilton-head-south-carolina speaking at a rally in Hilton Head, SC] ===2016=== ====January 2016==== [[File:Donald_Trump_by_Gage_Skidmore_4.jpg|thumb|I'm very angry. Because our country is being run horribly. I will gladly accept the mantle of anger. Our military is a disaster. Our healthcare is a horror show. Obamacare, we're going to repeal it and replace it.<br> We have no borders. Our vets are being treated horribly. Illegal immigration is beyond belief! Our country is being run by incompetent people and yes, I am angry. I'm angry because our country is a mess!]] * The entire world has been upset. The entire world, it's a different place. During Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton's term, she's done a horrible job.<br>She has caused death. She has caused tremendous death with incompetent decisions. I was against the [[war in Iraq]]. I wasn't a politician, but I was against the war in Iraq. She voted for the war in Iraq.<br>Look at {{w|Libya}}. That was her baby. Look. I mean, I'm not even talking about the ambassador and the people with the ambassador. Young, wonderful people. With messages coming in by the hundreds, and she's not even responding. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about all of the death that's been caused and not only our side.<br>There was nothing saved. If we would have never done anything in the Middle East, we would have a much safer world right now. ... All of this has led to the migration. All of this has led to tremendous death and destruction. And she for the most part was in charge of it along with Obama.<br>She's constantly playing the woman card. It's the only way she may get elected. I mean frankly... Personally, I'm not sure that anybody else other than me is going to beat her. And I think she's a flawed candidate. And you see what's happened recently. And it hasn't been a very pretty picture for her or for Bill. Because I'm the only one that's willing to talk about his problems. I mean, what he did and what he has gone through I think is frankly terrible, especially if she wants to play the woman card.<br>I have more respect for women by far than Hillary Clinton has. And I will do more for women than Hillary Clinton will. I will do far more including the protection of our country. She caused a lot of the problems that we have right now. ** CBS interview with John Dickerson (taped 1 January 2016) for ''[[wikipedia:Face the Nation|Face the Nation]]'' — as quoted in [http://www.politico.com/story/2016/01/trump-hillary-clinton-donald-217294 "Trump: Clinton has ruined the world"] by Nick Gass, ''Politico'' (3 January 2016) * They've created ISIS. Hillary Clinton created ISIS with Obama; created with Obama. But I love predicting because you know, ultimately, you need somebody with vision. ** At a rally, as quoted in [http://www.businessinsider.com/donald-trump-hillary-clinton-created-isis-obama-2016-1 "TRUMP: 'Hillary Clinton created ISIS with Obama'"] by Colin Campbell, ''Business Insider'' (3 January 2016) * She [Clinton] has a terrible record as secretary of state. I mean, she's literally created ISIS. If you look at her, between her and Obama, they're the ones — we have this big ISIS problem they created with their bad policies and their bad thinking. ** On ''[[wikipedia:Fox & Friends|Fox & Friends]]'', as quoted in [http://www.businessinsider.com/donald-trump-hillary-clinton-created-isis-obama-2016-1 "TRUMP: 'Hillary Clinton created ISIS with Obama'"] by Colin Campbell, ''Business Insider'' (3 January 2016) * Mexico is going to be the new China because what they're doing to us is unbelievable, although they did catch El Chapo. Good? Good? They did catch El Chapo, that's good. I mean I don't know, he better not escape a third time, you know? Those tunnels, bing, boom, right under the toilet, bing boom, right up. It's pretty amazing when you think about it, right? But anyway. I have an idea: Put him on the fourth floor this time, right? No more, no more first floors. ** Speech (9 January 2016), as quoted in [http://www.cbsnews.com/news/el-chapo-on-donald-trump-mi-amigo/ "El Chapo on Donald Trump: 'Mi Amigo!"], by Rebecca Kaplan, ''CBS News'' (10 January 2016). * I'm very angry because our country is being run horribly and I will gladly accept the mantle of anger. Our military is a disaster. Our healthcare is a horror show. Obamacare, we're going to repeal it and replace it. We have no borders. Our vets are being treated horribly. Illegal immigration is beyond belief. Our country is being run by incompetent people. And yes, I am angry. I'm angry because our country is a mess. ** [http://time.com/4182096/republican-debate-charleston-transcript-full-text/ Full Transcript of the Sixth Republican Debate in Charleston], ''[[wikipedia:Time (magazine)|Time]]'' (14 January 2016). * And just so — if I could, because he insulted a lot of people. I've had more calls on that statement that [[Ted Cruz|Ted]] made — New York is a great place. It's got great people, it's got loving people, wonderful people. When the World Trade Center came down, I saw something that no place on [[Earth]] could have handled more beautifully, more humanely than New York. You had two one hundred, you had two 110-story buildings come crashing down. I saw them come down. Thousands of people killed, and the cleanup started the next day, and it was the most horrific cleanup, probably in the history of doing this, and in construction. I was down there, and I've never seen anything like it. And the people in New York fought and fought and fought, and we saw more death, and even the smell of death — nobody understood it. And it was with us for months, the smell, the air. And we rebuilt downtown Manhattan, and everybody in the world watched and everybody in the world loved New York and loved New Yorkers. And I have to tell you, that was a very insulting statement that Ted made. ** [http://time.com/4182096/republican-debate-charleston-transcript-full-text/ Full Transcript of the Sixth Republican Debate in Charleston], ''[[wikipedia:Time (magazine)|Time]]'' (14 January 2016). * The truth is, he's a nasty guy. He was so nice to me. I mean, I knew it. I was watching. I kept saying, 'Come on Ted. Let's go, okay.' But he's a nasty guy. Nobody likes him. Nobody in Congress likes him. Nobody likes him anywhere once they get to know him. He's a very –- he's got an edge that's not good. You can't make deals with people like that and it's not a good thing. It's not a good thing for the country. Very nasty guy. ** About [[Ted Cruz]] in an interview on ''[[wikipedia:This Week (ABC TV series)|This Week]]'' [http://www.realclearpolitics.com/video/2016/01/17/donald_trump_ted_cruz_is_a_nasty_guy_nobody_likes_him.html] (January 17, 2016) * [[wikipedia:Tony Perkins (politician)|Tony Perkins]] wrote that out for me -- he actually wrote out 2, he wrote out the number 2 Corinthians, I took exactly what Tony said, and I said, 'Well Tony has to know better than anybody. * It's a very small deal, but a lot of people in different sections of the world say two, and I've had many, many people say that to me. My mother, as you know, was from Scotland, and they say two. ** In an interview with {{w|CNN}}'s {{w|Don Lemon}}, about saying "two Corinthians" instead of "Second Corinthians" during a speech at Liberty University. [http://edition.cnn.com/2016/01/20/politics/donald-trump-tony-perkins-sarah-palin/] (January 22, 2016) * Ted Cruz lies. He's a liar. And that's why nobody likes him, that's why his Senate people won't endorse him. That's why he stands on the middle of the Senate floor and can't make a deal with anybody. He looks like a jerk. He's standing all by himself. And you know, there's something to say about having a little bit of ability to get other people to do things. You can't be a lone wolf and stand there. That's sort of what we have right now as a president. ** [http://www.msnbc.com/morning-joe/watch/trump-ted-cruz-lies-he-s-a-liar-608990275597 Morning Joe] (26 January 2016) * But you cannot say anymore that the United States is going to pay for the wall. I am just going to say that we are working it out. Believe it or not, this is the least important thing that we are talking about, but politically this might be the most important talk about. ** [https://www.washingtonpost.com/graphics/2017/politics/australia-mexico-transcripts/?utm_term=.95d2f93766d6 Full transcripts of Trump's calls with Mexico and Australia By Greg Miller, Julie Vitkovskaya and Reuben Fischer-Baum; Aug. 3, 2017] (Friday, January 27, 2017) * So what I would like to recommend is – if we are going to have continued dialogue – we will work out the wall. They are going to say, "who is going to pay for the wall, Mr. President?" to both of us, and we should both say, "we will work it out." It will work out in the formula somehow. As opposed to you saying, "we will not pay" and me saying, "we will not pay." ** [https://www.washingtonpost.com/graphics/2017/politics/australia-mexico-transcripts/?utm_term=.95d2f93766d6 Full transcripts of Trump's calls with Mexico and Australia By Greg Miller, Julie Vitkovskaya and Reuben Fischer-Baum; Aug. 3, 2017] (Friday, January 27, 2017) * Up in [[New Hampshire]] – I won New Hampshire because New Hampshire is a drug-infested den – is coming from the southern border. ** Actually, Clinton took NH; [https://www.washingtonpost.com/graphics/2017/politics/australia-mexico-transcripts/?utm_term=.95d2f93766d6 Full transcripts of Trump's calls with Mexico and Australia By Greg Miller, Julie Vitkovskaya and Reuben Fischer-Baum; Aug. 3, 2017] (Friday, January 27, 2017) =====Speech at {{w|Liberty University}} (18 January 2016)===== : <small>[http://www.c-span.org/video/?403331-1/donald-trump-remarks-liberty-university Presidential Candidate Donald Trump at Liberty University], ''C-SPAN'' (18 January 2016)</small> * I have read a lot about it and I watched it and [[w:Liberty University|Liberty University]], like a rocket ship, a really great rocket ship. * I'm in first place. I said when you're in first place, you discuss polls. * I love Iowa, and I'm going there right after this, going up to New Hampshire, I'm going to Iowa because I want to win Iowa. Everyone says don't say that. Just say you're going to do well. That's the closest, but I can't do that. The safe way is, I think I'll do well. I want to win Iowa. * We've done great with the evangelicals. The evangelicals have been amazing. The [[Tea Party movement|Tea Party]] has been amazing and we're doing really well. * We're going to protect [[Christianity]], and I can say that. I don't have to be {{w|politically correct}}. We're going to protect it. I hear this is a major theme right here, but [[wikipedia:2 Corinthians 3|two Corinthians, 3]]:17, that's the whole ball game. "''Where the Spirit of the Lord''", right, "''where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is [[liberty]]''", and here there is Liberty College, but Liberty University, but it is so true. You know, when you think -- and that's really -- is that the one? Is that the one you like? I think that's the one you like because I loved it, and it's so representative of what's taken place. But we are going to protect Christianity. And if you look what's going on throughout the world, you look at Syria where if you're Christian, they're chopping off heads. You look at the different places, and [[Christianity]], it's under siege. * I'm a [[Protestantism|protestant]]. I'm very proud of it, [[w:Presbyterian|Presbyterian]] to be exact, but I'm proud of it, very, very proud. And we've got to protect because bad things are happening, very bad things are happening, and we don't -- I don't know what it is. We don't band together, maybe. Other religions, frankly, they're banding together. * This is a movement. It is a movement going on. We want to take our country back. Our country is disappearing. You look at the kind of deals we make. You look at what's happening, our country is going in the wrong direction, and so wrong, and it's got to be stopped and it's got to be stopped fast. * And my generals, by the way, they're not going on television, OK? So the enemy can learn all about it. Oh, well, then we attack. * They have totally destabilized the Middle East. It's a disaster. * When our sailors were captured last week, I said that's one of the saddest things that I have seen when those young people were on their hands and knees in a begging position with their hands up and thugs behind them with guns, and then we talk like it's OK. It's not OK. It's lack of respect. We can't let that happen to this country. It's lack of respect. * The [[Persian people|Persians]], very good negotiators. Great negotiators, legendary negotiators. They're known for it. They're sitting across the table. * I hate to tell this to the woman, they're behind the fact, they're a little behind the fact. They haven't figured out that women may be in certain ways much better than men. But I don't want to say that because I will get myself in trouble with men. But they haven't figured this out yet but that's OK. * We're a debtor nation. We owe $19 trillion. We're not going to give you any money, and you want to be nice. You don't want to put it in their face. Just say, look, we're a poor nation. We've been mismanaged, we've been misrun. We don't know what the hell we're doing, right? * If I'm president, you're going to see 'Merry Christmas' in department stores, believe me. * We spent 5 trillion dollars in the Middle East and our country is going to hell. We gotta bring it back. We gotta knock the hell out of ISIS. * I want to see a woman president soon, but not [Hillary Clinton]. She's a disaster. She's a disaster. She's a disaster. I mean, just think of the corruption and the scandal... We don't want to go through it. We want to see winning. We want to see win, win, win – constant winning. And you'll say – if I'm president... 'Please, Mr. President, we're winning too much. We can't stand it anymore. Can't we have a loss?' And I'll say no, we're going to keep winning, winning, winning... because we're going to make America great again. And you'll say, 'Okay, Mr. President. Okay.' =====Speech at {{w|Dordt University}} (23 January 2016)===== *{{anchor|shoot somebody|reason=linked to from w:en:Template:FBDB}}The people, my people, are so smart, and you know what they say about my people? The polls. They say I have the most loyal people — did you ever see that? Where '''I could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and shoot somebody, and I wouldn't lose any voters'''. It's like incredible. No, they say, "Trump we love you too." Trump's voters are by far, ya know, I'm at sixty-eight and sixty-nine percent, I'm at ninety percent, total, like, "Will you say absolutely?" I think it's sixty-eight and sixty-nine percent. "Will you most likely stay?" That gets into the nineties. Other guys like a ten. A guy like [[Jeb Bush]], he has a nobody, but he's like, they don't have people. They have nothing. Rubio, soft. They're all soft. My people stay, by the way, Cruz, soft. When they heard about this thing with that he was bordering Canada, nobody knew them? He lost a lot of people! He's gone down big in the polls. Ted Cruz has gone down big in the polls. That doesn't mean he's giving us a fight in Iowa, that doesn't mean you can stay home, okay, see, you with the smile? It doesn't mean that. You gotta go out cause we can't take any chances. ** [http://time.com/4191598/donald-trump-says-he-could-shoot-somebody-and-not-lose-voters/ Speech at campaign rally] (23 January 2016), Sioux Center, Iowa. ====February 2016==== * To have a crowd like this on our final day, can you believe it, this is the day. This is the day we take our country back. Remember that. This is the day we take our country back. So I got a little notice in case you see it. It's security guys. We have wonderful security guys. They said, "Mr. Trump, there may be somebody with tomatoes in the audience." So if you see somebody getting ready to throw a tomato, knock the crap out of them, would you? Seriously... Okay? Just knock the hell... I promise you I will pay for the legal fees, I promise. I promise. There won't be so much cause the courts agree with us too. What's going on in this country. ** [https://www.washingtonpost.com/video/politics/trump-knock-the-crap-out-of-tomato-throwers/2016/02/01/1d1fe1e2-c92b-11e5-b9ab-26591104bb19_video.html At a rally in Cedar Rapids, Iowa.] (1 February 2016) * This has been going if it's not going to happen anymore, folks. We're going to bring businesses back. We're going to have businesses that used to be in [[New Hampshire]], that are now in Mexico, come back to New Hampshire and you can tell them to go f--- themselves...because they let you down, and they left. We want the businesses that stay. I know a lot of businesses up here and I knew a lot of businesses up here. These are great people, they could've left and they wanna stay. They willing to stay, they're fighting to stay. It's hard. With a highest tax nation in the entire world. It's hard for them to stay and they stay. Those are the people we have to cherish and love. These are the people that are great. ** [http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2016/may/18/priorities-usa-action/priorities-usa-donald-trump-women-ad/ At a rally in New Hampshire.] (4 February 2016) * '''Trump''': No, I didn't use the word. I never said the word, Bill. I don't know who told you -- I would never use the word. I didn't say the word. I said, "you can tell them to go [beat of silence] themselves."<br>'''O'Reilly''': But the lips kind of moved in the --<br>'''Trump''': Well, they might have. No, I didn't say the word. I wouldn't do that. Even I -- hey Bill, even I wouldn't do that, okay. No, I never said the word. ** On an interview on The O'Reilly Factor (6 February 2016) * [[Iraq|It]]'s the Harvard of Terrorists. ** [http://www.rawstory.com/2016/02/watch-as-charlie-rose-forces-trump-to-admit-he-agrees-with-obama-on-syria/ Interview with Charlie Rose] (17 February 2016) * Torture works, okay folks? [...] Believe me, it works. [...] Waterboarding is your minor form. Some people say it's not actually torture. Let's assume it is. But they asked me the question. What do you think of waterboarding? Absolutely fine. But we should go much stronger than waterboarding. That's the way I feel. ** [http://www.cbsnews.com/news/donald-trump-torture-works/ Donald Trump: "Torture works"]. CBS News (17 February 2016). Bluffton, South Carolina. * They were having [[terrorism]] problems, just like we do, and he caught 50 terrorists who did tremendous damage and killed many people. And he took the 50 terrorists, and he took 50 men and he dipped 50 bullets in pigs' blood — you heard that, right? He took 50 bullets, and he dipped them in pigs' blood. And he had his men load his rifles, and he lined up the 50 people, and they shot 49 of those people. And the 50th person, he said: You go back to your people, and you tell them what happened. And for 25 years, there wasn't a problem. Okay? Twenty-five years, there wasn't a problem. ** During a campaign stop in {{w|Pawley's Island, South Carolina}} (February 19, 2016) [http://www.nationalreview.com/corner/450574/donald-trump-tweet-fake-history-libel-war-crime]. Referring to a false story about [[John J. Pershing]] which has circulated on the Internet. * Bye bye. Look, see? He's smiling. See, he's having a good time. Oh, I love the old days, you know? You know what I hate? There's a guy, totally disruptive, throwing punches, we're not allowed to punch back anymore. I love the old days. You know what they used to do to guys like that when they were in a place like this? They'd be carried out on a stretcher, folks. You know, I love our police, and I really respect our police, and they're not getting enough. They're not. Honestly, I hate to see that. Here's a guy, throwing punches, nasty as hell, screaming at everything else when we're talking, and he's walking out, and we're not allowed -- you know, the guards are very gentle with him, he's walking out, like, big high fives, smiling, laughing -- I'd like to punch him in the face, I'll tell you. ** [http://www.weeklystandard.com/protester-would-be-carried-out-on-a-stretcher-in-the-old-days-trump-reminisces/article/2001211 At a rally in Las Vegas] (22 February 2016) * We won with young. We won with old. We won with highly educated. We won with poorly educated. '''I love the poorly educated.''' ** [http://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/donald-trump-declares-i-love-the-poorly-educated-as-he-storms-to-victory-in-nevada-caucus-a6893106.html Donald Trump declares 'I love the poorly educated' as he storms to victory in Nevada caucus], 24 February 2016 * '''Ted Cruz''': Donald, relax.<br>'''Donald Trump''': I'm relaxed. You're the basket case. Go ahead, don't get nervous. ** [http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/sns-wp-blm-carlson-6454d89c-dc90-11e5-8210-f0bd8de915f6-20160226-story.html CNN-Telemundo Republican debate] (25 February 2016) * If and when the Vatican is attacked by Isis, which as everyone knows is Isis’s ultimate trophy, the pope can have only wished and prayed that Donald Trump would have been president because this would not have happened. Isis would have been eradicated unlike what is happening now with our all talk, no action politicians. **As quoted in Ben Jacobs, ''[https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2016/feb/18/donald-trump-pope-francis-christian-wall-mexico-border Donald Trump calls Pope Francis 'disgraceful' for questioning his faith]'', ''The Guardian'' (February 18, 2016) ====March 2016==== * '''Donald Trump''': I think you've become very negative.<br>'''Bill O'Reilly''': Why would I do that?<br>'''Trump''': Who knows. You'll have to ask your psychiatrist. ** [http://www.politico.com/blogs/2016-gop-primary-live-updates-and-results/2016/03/donald-trump-bill-oreilly-gop-debate-220241 "Trump to O'Reilly: 'I think you've become very negative'"] by Nick Gass, ''Politico'' (3 March 2016) * Look at those hands. Are they small hands? And he referred to my hands — if they're small, something else must be small. I guarantee you there's no problem, I guarantee. ** Fox News Republican debate, {{#formatdate:2016-03-03}}, quoted in {{citation|date=2016-03-04|author=Gregory Krieg|title=Donald Trump defends size of his penis|periodical=CNN|url=https://www.cnn.com/2016/03/03/politics/donald-trump-small-hands-marco-rubio/index.html}} * '''Anderson Cooper''': Is Islam at war with the West?<br>'''Donald Trump''': I think Islam hates us. There is something there, there is a tremendous hatred there, and we have to get to the bottom of it. There is an unbelievable hatred of us.<br>'''Cooper''': In Islam itself?<br>'''Trump''': You're going to have to figure that out, but there is a tremendous hatred and we have to be very vigilant, we have to be very careful and we can't allow people coming into this country who have this hatred of the United States and of people that are not Muslim.<br>'''Cooper''': The question is is there a war between the West and radical Islam or is it between the West and Islam itself?<br>'''Trump''': Well it's radical but it's very hard to define, it's very hard to separate because you don't know who's who. ** 9 March CNN interview, as quoted in [http://www.ibtimes.co.uk/us-election-2016-donald-trump-tells-cnn-tv-interviewer-islam-hates-us-1548760 "US Election 2016: Donald Trump tells CNN TV interviewer 'Islam hates us'"] by Harriet Sinclair, ''International Business Times'' (10 March 2016) * Come on, get 'em out, police, please. Let's go! ... Nobody wants to hurt each other anymore. ** During a St Louis, Mo., rally, as quoted in [https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/get-him-out-racial-tensions-explode-at-donald-trumps-rallies/2016/03/11/b9764884-e6ee-11e5-bc08-3e03a5b41910_story.html "‘Get 'em out!' Racial tensions explode at Donald Trump's rallies"], by Jose A. DelReal, ''The Washington Post'' (12 March 2016), Washington, D.C. * I promise you, I will not be taking very long vacations, if I take them at all. There's no time for vacations. We're not going to be big on vacations. ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cC_3IxKcQIA Hardball with Chris Matthews, August 4, 2017] March 14, 2016 rally *Iran has already, since the deal is in place, test-fired ballistic missiles three times. Those ballistic missiles, with a range of 1,250 miles, were designed to intimidate not only Israel, which is only 600 miles away, but also intended to frighten Europe and someday maybe hit even the United States. And we're not going to let that happen. We're not letting it happen. And we're not letting it happen to Israel, believe me.<br>Thank you. Thank you.<br>Do you want to hear something really shocking? As many of the great people in this room know, painted on those missiles in both Hebrew and Farsi were the words "'''Israel must be wiped off the face of the earth'''." You can forget that.<br>What kind of demented minds write that in Hebrew? **[http://time.com/4267058/donald-trump-aipac-speech-transcript/ 21 March 2016] address to AIPAC (America-Israel Public Affairs Committee) * '''Obama''': But you would rule in the possibility to fight against ISIS.<br>'''Trump''': Well, I'm never gonna rule anything out. And I wouldn't wanna say. Even if I felt -- it wasn't going -- I wouldn't wanna tell you that because, at a minimum, I want them to think maybe that we would use it. ** As part of a conversation with Barack Obama about ruling out the use of nuclear weapons (March 23, 2016) reported [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/donald-trump-open-to-nuclear-retaliation-after-brussels-attack/ 24 March 2016 by CBS] * If Saudi Arabia was without the cloak of American protection, I don't think it would be around. ** Interview on foreign policy given on 25 March 2016, published: [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/03/27/us/politics/donald-trump-foreign-policy.html ''In Donald Trump's Worldview, America Comes First, and Everybody Else Pays''], ''The New York Times'' (26 March 2016) * I was angry because they sued. ** explaining why he withdrew the medical benefits to his nephew's infant son who had cerebral palsy, after his nephew claimed that the exclusion from {{W|Fred Trump}}'s will was a result of Donald Trump and his siblings unduly influencing the older man ** as quoted in [http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2016/09/donald-trumps-cruel-streak/501554/ Donald Trump's Cruel Streak], by Conor Friedersdorf, in ''{{W|The Atlantic}}''; published September 26, 2016; retrieved October 24, 2016 * Talking about success, most people think success is measured in the form of monetary success. It's not really. I mean to be a successful person is to have a great family, is who loves the family, loves the children and the children love him or her. To me that's a much more successful person than a person that has made a billion dollars or ten billion dollars, and is miserable and doesn't have a good family and nobody likes that person. I think I've seen every type of person there is that God created. **<small>''[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1xuAO0zKRAk Donald Trump talks about Success and Happiness - Motivational speech held in Wisconsin on March 30, 2016]'', Mike Mohamed on YouTube. (2:37 to 3:05)</small> ====April 2016==== * I can be presidential, but if I was presidential I would only have - about 20% of you would be here because it would be boring as hell. ** At a rally in Superior, Wisconsin (4 April 2016) * I love working. I'm not a vacation guy. Right? Like Obama, he plays golf in Hawaii. He flies in a 747. ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cC_3IxKcQIA Hardball with Chris Matthews, August 4, 2017] April 21, 2016 rally * If you love what you do, you're happy. You don't take vacations. ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cC_3IxKcQIA Hardball with Chris Matthews, August 4, 2017] April 22, 2016 rally =====Foreign Policy Speech (27 April 2016)===== [[File:Maga.png|thumb|No country has ever prospered that failed to put its own interests first.]] : <small>[http://www.nytimes.com/2016/04/28/us/politics/transcript-trump-foreign-policy.html Transcript: Donald Trump's Foreign Policy Speech], ''{{w|The New York Times}}'' (27 April 2016)</small> * It's time to shake the rust off [[Foreign policy of the United States|America's foreign policy]]. * My foreign policy will always put the interests of the American people and American security above all else... That will be the foundation of every single decision that I will make. [[America First (policy)|America First]] will be the major and overriding theme of my administration. * Our foreign policy is a complete and total disaster. No vision. No purpose. No direction. No strategy. * [[Barack Obama|President Obama]] has weakened [[United States Armed Forces|our military]] by weakening our economy. He's crippled us with wasteful spending, massive [[National debt|debt]], low growth, a huge trade deficit and open borders. * Our allies are not paying their fair share... The countries we are defending must pay for the cost of this defense, and if not, the U.S. must be prepared to let these countries defend themselves. We have no choice. * Israel, our great friend and the one true democracy in the Middle East has been snubbed and criticized by an administration that lacks moral clarity... President Obama has not been a friend to Israel. He has treated Iran with tender love and care and made it a great power. * We've let our rivals and challengers think they can get away with anything, and they do... If President Obama's goal had been to weaken America, he could not have done a better job. * We've made the Middle East more unstable and chaotic than ever before. We left Christians subject to intense persecution and even [[genocide]]. We have done nothing to help the Christians, nothing, and we should always be ashamed for that lack of action. * Hillary Clinton refuses to say the words radical Islam, even as she pushes for a massive increase in refugees coming into our country. After Secretary Clinton's failed intervention in Libya, [[wikipedia:2012 Benghazi attack|Islamic terrorists in Benghazi]] took down our consulate and killed our ambassador and three brave Americans. Then, instead of taking charge that night, Hillary Clinton decided to go home and sleep. Incredible. Clinton blames it all on a video, an excuse that was a total lie, proven to be absolutely a total lie. Our ambassador was murdered and our secretary of state misled the nation. * We're also going to have to change our trade, immigration and economic policies to make our economy strong again. And to put Americans first again. This will ensure that our own workers, right here in America, get the jobs and higher pay that will grow our tax revenues, increase our economic might as a nation. * I believe an easing of tensions, and improved relations with Russia from a position of strength only is possible. * Americans must know that we're putting the American people first again on trade, on immigration, on foreign policy. The jobs, incomes and security of the [[Working class in the United States|American worker]] will always be my first priority. No country has ever prospered that failed to put its own interests first. Both our friends and our enemies put their countries above ours and we, while being fair to them, must start doing the same. We will no longer surrender this country or its people to the false song of [[globalism]]. The nation-state remains the true foundation for happiness and harmony. I am skeptical of international unions that tie us up and bring America down, and will never enter America into any agreement that reduces our ability to control our own affairs. ====May 2016==== * We have a 500 billion dollar deficit, trade deficit with China. We're going to turn it around and we have the cards, don't forget, we're like the piggy bank that's being robbed. We have the cards, we have a lot of power with China. When China doesn't want to fix the problem in North Korea we say "Sorry folks, you've got to fix the problem." '''Because we can't continue to allow China to rape [[United States|our country]], and that's what they're doing. It's the greatest theft in the history of the world.''' **[https://www.bbc.com/news/av/world-us-canada-36185275/china-accused-of-trade-rape-by-donald-trump "China accused of trade 'rape' by Donald Trump"] ''BBC'' (2 May 2016) * You've been hearing me say it's a rigged system, but now I don't say it anymore because I won. It's true. Now I don't care. ** [http://www.washingtonexaminer.com/trump-gop-rigged-but-i-dont-care-because-i-won/article/2590545 "Trump: GOP 'rigged,' but I don't care because I won"] by Ryan Lovelace, ''Washington Examiner'' (5 May 2016) *Happy #CincoDeMayo! The best taco bowls are made in Trump Tower Grill. I love Hispanics! **Twitter, [https://x.com/realDonaldTrump/status/728297587418247168?lang=en 5 May 2016] ====June 2016==== * It's going to be like this. I'm not changing. ** Answer to the question whether the American public could expect a similar dynamic if he would win the presidential elections, quoted in {{citation |date=2016-06-01 |title=Donald Trump: Questions on money for war veterans |author=Alan Fisher |periodical=Al Jazeera |url=http://www.aljazeera.com/blogs/americas/2016/05/donald-trump-fumes-veterans-money-questions-160531203455389.html}} * '''He's a [[Mexicans|Mexican]]'''. We're building a wall between here and Mexico. ** About American judge Gonzalo Curiel (3 June 2016), as quoted in {{citation |date=2016-06-04 |title=Trump Presses Case That 'Mexican' Judge Curiel Is Biased Against Him |author=Nina Totenberg |periodical=National Public Radio |url=http://www.npr.org/2016/06/04/480714972/trump-presses-case-that-mexican-judge-curiel-is-biased-against-him}} * I'm truly honored by your support. Together, we accomplished what nobody thought was absolutely possible and you know what that is and we're only getting started and it's going to be beautiful, remember that. Tonight we close one chapter in history and we begin another. Our campaign received more primary votes than any GOP campaign in history, no matter who it is, no matter who they are, we received more votes. This is a great feeling. That's a great feeling. This is not a testament to me but a testament to all of the people who believed real change, not Obama change, but real change is possible. You've given me the honor to lead the Republican Party to victory this fall. ** Victory speech after winning New Jersey and other states Tuesday night (7 June 2016) – [http://time.com/4360872/donald-trump-new-jersey-victory-speech-transcript/ ''Time'' transcript] * To those who voted for someone else in either party, I will work hard to earn your support and I will work very hard to earn that support. To all of those [[Bernie Sanders]] voters who have been left out in the cold by a rigged system of super delegates, we welcome you with open arms. And by the way, the terrible trade deals that Bernie was so vehemently against and he's right on that will be taken care of far better than anyone ever thought possible and that's what I do. We are going to have fantastic trade deals. We're going to start making money and bringing in jobs. ** Victory speech after winning New Jersey and other states Tuesday night (7 June 2016) – [http://time.com/4360872/donald-trump-new-jersey-victory-speech-transcript/ ''Time'' transcript] * My goal is always again to bring people together. But if I'm forced to fight for something I really care about, I will never, ever back down and our country will never, ever back down. Thank you. I've fought for my family. I've fought for my business. I've fought for my employees. And now, I'm going to fight for you, the American people like nobody has ever fought before. ** Victory speech after winning New Jersey and other states Tuesday night (7 June 2016) – [http://time.com/4360872/donald-trump-new-jersey-victory-speech-transcript/ ''Time'' transcript] * We're led by [[Barack Obama|a man]] that either is not tough, not smart, or he's got something else in mind. And the something else in mind, you know, people can't believe it, people cannot believe that President Obama is acting the way he acts and can't even mention the words 'radical Islamic terrorism. There's something going on — it's inconceivable. There's something going on. He doesn't get it, or he gets it better than anybody understands. It's one or the other, and either one is unacceptable. ** Phone interview on ''Fox and Friends'', as quoted in {{citation |date=2016-06-13 |title=Trump on Obama and Islam: 'There's something going on' |author=Jesse Byrnes |periodical=The Hill |url=http://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/news/283246-trump-on-obama-and-islam-theres-something-going-on}} * Belgium is a beautiful city. * Belgium is not the Belgium that you and I knew, Matt, from 20 years ago, which was one of the most beautiful cities and one of the safest cities in the world. Belgium is a horror show right now. ** [https://www.thebulletin.be/belgium-beautiful-city-according-donald-trump "Belgium is a “beautiful city”, according to Donald Trump"], ''The Bulletin'' (June 16, 2016) * Look, companies now are leaving the United States. Corporate inversion, they're leaving the United States, we have almost $5 trillion sitting out there, where they can't get the money back, they can't bring it in because there's no mechanism to bring it back in and the tax is so high. I'm going to bring tremendous amounts of money, tremendous amounts of jobs, tremendous numbers of companies, and yes the [[wikipedia:Political positions of Donald Trump#Taxes,_spending,_and_budget|tax is going to be cut]] from the highest tax nation anywhere in the world to a fairly low tax. Not the lowest in the world, but to a fairly low tax. * <p>'''Norah O'Donnell:''' Hillary Clinton called you the king of debt.</p><p>'''Donald Trump:''' Well, no she didn't call me, I called myself the king of debt. '''I'm the king of debt.''' I'm great with debt, nobody knows debt better than me. I made a fortune by using debt. And if things don't work out I renegotiate the debt, I mean that's a smart thing not a stupid thing. And I made a fortune.</p><p>'''O'Donnell:''' How do you renegotiate the debt?</p><p>'''Trump:''' Because you go back and you say, hey, guess what, the economy just crashed, I'm going to give you back half. I like debt for me, I don't like debt for the country. I like debt for my company, but I don't like debt for the country. For the country we have $19 trillion in debt, it's going to be very soon $21 trillion, not billion, $21 trillion in debt. And I will tell you we are sitting on a time bomb and Hillary Clinton doesn't have a clue. And President Obama has pretty much doubled the debt since he's been in office and somebody's going to pay a big price. We have to start chopping that debt down.</p><p>'''O'Donnell:''' [[Janet Yellen]], who you know, the chairman of the [[Federal Reserve System|Federal Reserve]] blasted you for saying that the U.S. could load up on debt and then make a deal with creditors if the [[Economy of the United States|economy]] has soured. She said there would be very severe consequences if an elected president tried to renegotiate the nation's debt.</p><p>'''Trump:''' I wouldn't renegotiate the debt.</p> ** In an interview with ''{{w|CBS This Morning'}}'' {{w|Norah O'Donnell}}, {{#formatdate:2016-06-22}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2016-06-22 |title=CBS' Norah O'Donnell Challenges Trump On His Economic Plan |periodical=Media Matters for America |url=https://www.mediamatters.org/donald-trump/cbs-norah-odonnell-challenges-trump-his-economic-plan}} * Our enemies probably know every single one [of Clinton's deleted emails]. So they probably now have a blackmail file. . . . We can't hand over our government to someone whose deepest, darkest secrets may be in the hands of our enemies. Can't do it." ** speech, {{#formatdate:2016-06-22}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2016-06-22 |title=Nobody brings the crazy quite like Trump |author=Dana Milbank |periodical=Washington Post |url=http://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/nobody-brings-the-crazy-quite-like-trump/2016/06/22/74ba5692-38bd-11e6-9ccd-d6005beac8b3_story.html}} =====Speech about the Orlando Shooting (June 13, 2016)===== : <small>Speech after the [[wikipedia:2016 Orlando nightclub shooting|2016 Orlando nightclub shooting]] ([http://time.com/4367120/orlando-shooting-donald-trump-transcript/ transcript])</small> * So many people — it's just hard to believe, but just so many people dead, so many people gravely injured, so much carnage, such a disgrace. The horror is beyond description. The families of these wonderful people are totally devastated, and they will be forever. Likewise, our whole nation and indeed the whole world is devastated. * Our nation stands together in solidarity with the members of Orlando's LGBT community. They have been through something that nobody could ever experience. This is a very dark moment in [[History of the United States|America's history]]. A radical Islamic terrorist targeted the [[wikipedia:Pulse (nightclub)|nightclub]], not only because he wanted to kill Americans, but in order to execute [[LGBT in the United States|gay and lesbian citizens]], because of their [[sexual orientation]]. * It's a strike at the heart and soul of who we are as a nation. It's an assault on the ability of free people to live their lives, love who they want, and express their identity. It's an attack on the right of every single American to live in peace and safety in their own country. * We're not acting clearly, we're not talking clearly, we've got problems. * We have a dysfunctional immigration system, which does not permit us to know who we let into our country, and it does not permit us to protect our citizens properly. We have an incompetent administration. * The [[wikipedia:List of United States immigration laws|immigration laws of the United States]] give the president powers to suspend entry into the country of any class of persons. Now, any class — it really is determined and to be determined by the president for the interests of the United States. And it's as he or she deems appropriate. Hopefully it's he in this case. * When I'm elected I will suspend immigration from areas of the world where there's a proven history of terrorism against the United States, Europe or our allies until we fully understand how to end these threats. ... After a full and partial and long — really long overdue security assessment we will develop a responsible immigration policy that serves the interests and values of America. * We cannot continue to allow thousands upon thousands of people to pour into our country many of whom have the same thought process as this savage killer. Many of the principles of radical Islam are incompatible with Western values and institutions. Remember this, radical Islam is [[Misogyny|anti-woman]], [[Homophobia|anti-gay]] and [[Anti-Americanism|anti- American]]. I refuse to allow America to become a place where gay people, Christian people, Jewish people are targets of persecution and intimation by radical Islamic preachers of hate and violence. This is not just a [[national security]] issue. It's a quality of life issue. If we want to protect the quality of life for all Americans — women and children, gay and straight, Jews and Christians and all people then we need to tell the truth about radical Islam and we need to do it now. We need to tell the truth also about how radical Islam is coming to our shores. And it's coming. * We're importing radical [[Islamic terrorism]] into the West through a failed immigration system and through an intelligence community held back by our president. * They share these oppressive views and values. We want to remain a free and open society. Then, and if we do, then we have to control our borders. We have to control, and we have to control them now, not later. Right now. * Hillary Clinton, for months, and despite so many attacks, repeatedly refused to even say the words radical Islam until I challenged her yesterday. And, guess what, she will probably say them. She sort of has said them, but let's see what happens. She really has no choice, but she doesn't want to. However, she's really been forced, and she has been forced to say these words. She supports, and the reason is, she supports so much of what is wrong, and what is wrong with this country, and what's going wrong with our country and our borders. She has no clue, in my opinion, what radical Islam is and she won't speak honestly about it if she does, in fact, know. She's in total denial, and her continuing reluctance to ever name the enemy broadcasts weakness across the entire world — true weakness. * She says the solution is to [[Firearms regulation|ban guns]]. They tried that in [[France]] which has among the toughest gun laws anywhere in the world, and 130 people were brutally murdered by Islamic terrorists in cold blood. Her plan is to disarm law abiding Americans, abolishing the Second Amendment, and leaving only the bad guys and terrorists with guns. No good. Not going to happen, folks. ... She wants to take away American's guns and then admit the very people who want to slaughter us. Let them come into the country, we don't have guns. Let them come in, let them have all the fun they want. * [[wikipedia:Political positions of Hillary Clinton#Immigration_policy|Hillary Clinton's catastrophic immigration plan]] will bring vastly more radical Islamic immigration into this country, threatening not only our society but our entire way of life. When it comes to radical Islamic terrorism, ignorance is not bliss. It's deadly — totally deadly. ... Clinton's State Department was in charge of admissions and the admissions process for people applying to enter from overseas. Having learned nothing from these attacks, she now plans to massively increase admissions without a screening plan including a 500 percent increase in Syrian refugees coming into our country. Tell me, tell me – how stupid is that? This could be a better, bigger, more horrible version than the legendary [[Trojan Horse]] ever was. Altogether, under the Clinton plan, you'd be admitting hundreds of thousands of refugees from the Middle East with no system to vet them, or to prevent the radicalization of the children and their children. Not only their children, by the way, they're trying to take over our children and convince them how wonderful ISIS is and how wonderful Islam is and we don't know what's happening. The burden is on Hillary Clinton to tell us why she believes immigration from these dangerous countries should be increased without any effective system to really to screen. We're not screening people. * We have, just, no [[wikipedia:Intelligence gathering network|intelligence gathering information]]. We need this information so badly. ... We need an intelligence gathering system second to none. Second to none. That includes better cooperation between state, local and federal officials, and with our allies, very importantly. I will have an Attorney General, a Director of National Intelligence and a Secretary of Defense who'll know how to fight a war on radical Islamic terrorism. * They have put political correctness above common sense, above your safety, and above all else. I refuse to be politically correct. * The days of deadly ignorance will end, and they will end soon. * The media talks about home grown terrorism but Islamic radicalism and that's a very, very important term — a term that the president refuses to use and the networks that nurture it are imports from overseas whether you like it or whether you don't like it. Yes, there are many radicalized people already inside our country as a result of poor policies of the past. * Hillary Clinton can never claim to be a friend of the gay community as long as she continues to support immigration policies that bring [[Islamic extremists]] to our country and who suppress women, gays and anyone who doesn't share their views or values. * Clinton wants to allow radical Islamic terrorists to pour into our country. They enslave women, and they murder gays. I don't want them in our country. * Immigration is a privilege, and we should not let anyone into this country who doesn't support our communities. All of our communities, every single one of them. * I want every American to succeed including [[wikipedia:Islam in the United States|Muslims]]. But the Muslims have to work with us. They have to work with us. They know what's going on. They know that he was bad. They knew the people in San Bernardino were bad. But you know what? They didn't turn them in. And you know what? [[wikipedia:2015 San Bernardino attack|We had death, and destruction]]. * Hillary Clinton wants to empty out the {{w|Treasury}} to bring people into the country that include individuals who preach hate against our citizens. I want to protect our citizens, all of our citizens. * America must do more — much more — to protect its citizens, especially people who are potential victims of crimes based on their backgrounds or sexual orientation, as you just saw in Orlando. * The decision to overthrow the regime in Libya, then pushing for the overthrow of the regime in Syria, among other things, without plans for the day after, have created space for ISIS to expand and grow like nobody has ever seen before. These actions, along with our disastrous Iran deal, have also reduced our ability to work in partnership with our Muslim allies in the region. That is why our new goal must be to defeat Islamic terrorism not nation building. No more nation building. It's never going to work. * The last major [[NATO]] mission was Hillary Clinton's war in Libya. That mission helped to unleash ISIS on a new continent. * America must unite the whole civilized world in the fight against Islamic terrorism. Pretty much [[wikipedia:Anti-communism#United_States|like we did with communism]] during the [[Cold War]]. We tried it President Obama's way, doesn't work. He gave the world his apology tour. We got ISIS and many other problems in return. That's what we got. Remember the famous apology tour. We're sorry for everything. ====July 2016==== * [[Saddam Hussein]] was a bad guy. Right? He was a bad guy, really bad guy. But you know what he did well? He killed terrorists. He did that so good. They didn't read them the rights—they didn't talk, they were a terrorist, it was over. [...] Today, Iraq is Harvard for terrorism. You want to be a terrorist, you go to Iraq. It's like Harvard. Okay? So sad. ** At a campaign rally in Raleigh, North Carolina (July 5, 2016), as cited in [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-politics/wp/2016/07/05/donald-trump-praises-saddam-hussein-for-killing-terrorists-so-good/ "Donald Trump praises Saddam Hussein for killing terrorists ‘so good’"] ''The Washington Post'' (July 5, 2016). ** [[w:Jake Sullivan|Jake Sullivan]], then a policy advisor to Hillary Clinton, stated: "Hussein's regime was a sponsor of terrorism — one that paid families of suicide bombers who attacked Israelis, among other crimes." * I'll stand up for Article Two, Article 12, you name it of the Constitution. ** About the U.S. Constitution, which only has seven articles and 27 amendments; as recounted by [[Mark Sanford]], quoted in [http://talkingpointsmemo.com/dc/trump-changes-few-minds-with-meeting-on-the-hill "Trump Manages To Give Some House GOPers More Heartburn In Hill Meeting"] (2016), ''Talking Points Memo'' (July 7, 2016). * ''[Interviewer: You're not known to be a humble man. But I wonder—]'' I think I am actually humble. I think I'm much more humble than you would understand. ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1R42mFx3_ss During an interview] by {{WP|Lesley Stahl}} on ''{{WP|60 Minutes}}'' (17 July 2016) * Look, having nuclear—my uncle was a great professor and [[Scientists|scientist]] and [[Engineering|engineer]], Dr. John Trump at [[Massachusetts Institute of Technology|MIT]]; good genes, very good genes, OK, very smart, the [[w:Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania|Wharton School of Finance]], very good, very smart—you know, if you're a [[Conservatism|conservative]] Republican, if I were a [[Liberalism|liberal]], if, like, OK, if I ran as a liberal Democrat, they would say I'm one of the smartest people anywhere in the world—it's true!—but when you're a conservative Republican they try—oh, do they do a number—that's why I always start off: Went to Wharton, was a good student, went there, went there, did this, built a fortune—you know I have to give my like credentials all the time, because we're a little disadvantaged—but you look at the nuclear deal, the thing that really bothers me—it would have been so easy, and it's not as important as these lives are—nuclear is powerful; my uncle explained that to me many, many years ago, the power and that was 35&nbsp;years ago; he would explain the power of what's going to happen and he was right, who would have thought?—but when you look at what's going on with the four prisoners—now it used to be three, now it's four—but when it was three and even now, I would have said it's all in the messenger; fellas, and it is fellas because, you know, they don't, they haven't figured that the women are smarter right now than the men, so, you know, it's gonna take them about another 150&nbsp;years—but the Persians are great negotiators, the Iranians are great negotiators, so, and they, they just killed, they just killed us. ** Speech in South Carolina (19 July 2016) * Russia, if you're listening, I hope you're able to find the 30,000 emails that are missing. I think you will probably be rewarded mightily by our press. ** Press conference, reported in Ashley Parker and David E. Sanger, "[http://www.nytimes.com/2016/07/28/us/politics/donald-trump-russia-clinton-emails.html? Donald Trump Calls on Russia to Find Hillary Clinton's Missing Emails], ''The New York Times'' (July 27, 2016). * Though [[Bernie Sanders|Bernie]] is exhausted and has given up on his [[revolution]], many of his voters still want to keep up the fight. I expect that millions of Bernie voters will refuse to vote for Hillary because of her support for the War in Iraq, the [[2011 Libyan civil war|invasion of Libya]], [[wikipedia:North American Free Trade Agreement|NAFTA]] and [[w:Trans-Pacific Partnership|TPP]], and of course because she is totally bought and sold by [[Special-interest group|special interests]]. She and [[Bill Clinton|her husband]] have been paid millions and millions by [[Multinational corporation|global corporations]] and powerful interests who will control her every decision. She is their puppet, and they pull the strings. We welcome with open arms all voters who want an honest [[Federal government of the United States|government]] and to fix [[Politics of the United States|our rigged system]] so it works for the people. This includes fixing one of Bernie's biggest issues, our terrible trade deals that strip our country of its jobs and wealth. ** ''[http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2016/07/donald-trump-reddit-ama-ask-me-anything/493361/ How Donald Trump Beat Reddit]'', ''{{w|The Atlantic}}'' (July 28, 2016) * The things that were said about me. … You know what, I wanted to hit a couple of those speakers so hard. ... I was gonna hit one guy in particular, a very little guy. I was gonna hit this guy so hard, his head would spin. He wouldn't know what the hell happened. ** Press conference, reported in Jacob Bogage, "[https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2016/07/29/i-wanted-to-hit-a-couple-of-those-speakers-so-hard-trump-says-of-dem-convention-critics/ ‘I wanted to hit a couple of those speakers so hard', Trump says of Democratic convention]", ''The Washington Post'' (July 29, 2016). * A guy who didn't have the guts to run for president. Little Michael. He doesn't know anything about me. But he never had the guts to run. He probably wished he did but he didn't. He spent millions of dollars on polling but he was missing one thing: guts. Little Michael. ** On [[Michael Bloomberg]]'s speech about Trump. At an interview with ''[[wikipedia:The New York Times|The New York Times'<nowiki/>]]'' [[Maureen Dowd]]. [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/07/30/opinion/trumps-thunderbolts.html] (July 29, 2016) * Obama gave a good speech but not nearly as good as the press would have you believe. Whether it's good or bad, the press will say it's fantastic. In many ways, I like Obama. It's hard to define. There's something about him I do like. I'm embarrassed to admit it. I give him a lot of credit. It's very unique and very hard to do and I give him tremendous credit. He became a two-term president of the United States. He's got some quality going. ** At an interview with ''[[wikipedia:The New York Times|The New York Times'<nowiki/>]]'' [[Maureen Dowd]]. [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/07/30/opinion/trumps-thunderbolts.html] (July 29, 2016) * Emails in general are terrible. There's no security. It happens so often. I'm old-fashioned. I put a letter in an envelope and have it hand delivered. My son is 10 years old, and he has grown up [[Computers|computer]] literate. They start using computers before they can walk. His computer was locked and he unlocked it. And I said, ‘[[w:Barron Trump|Barron]], how did you do that?' And he said, ‘I won't tell you, Dad. ** At an interview with ''[[wikipedia:The New York Times|The New York Times'<nowiki/>]]'' [[Maureen Dowd]]. [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/07/30/opinion/trumps-thunderbolts.html] (July 29, 2016) * Putin said I was a genius. I do say this: Wouldn't it be wonderful if we actually could get along with Russia and China and some other countries that we don't get along with, and then we go out and knock the hell out of ISIS? Wouldn't it be nice if we cleaned that mess up? Wouldn't it be smart? ** At an interview with ''[[wikipedia:The New York Times|The New York Times'<nowiki/>]]'' [[Maureen Dowd]]. [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/07/30/opinion/trumps-thunderbolts.html] (July 29, 2016) * I think he's a pervert. It's dangerous to allow him on the convention floor. ** About [[Anthony Weiner]] on the {{w|2016 Democratic National Convention}}. At an interview with ''[[wikipedia:The New York Times|The New York Times'<nowiki/>]]'' [[Maureen Dowd]]. [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/07/30/opinion/trumps-thunderbolts.html] (July 29, 2016) * Captain [[wikipedia:Humayun Khan (soldier)|Humayun Khan]] was a hero to our country and we should honor all who have made the ultimate sacrifice to keep our country safe. The real problem here are the radical Islamic terrorists who killed him, and the efforts of these radicals to enter our country to do us further harm. Given the state of the world today, we have to know everything about those looking to enter our country, and given the state of chaos in some of these countries, that is impossible. While I feel deeply for the loss of his son, Mr. Khan who has never met me, has no right to stand in front of millions of people and claim I have never read the Constitution, (which is false) and say many other inaccurate things. If I become President, I will make America safe again. * Hillary Clinton should be held accountable for her central role in destabilizing the Middle East. She voted to send the United States to war against Iraq, helped lead the disastrous withdrawal of American troops years later that created the vacuum allowing the rise of ISIS, and has never met a [[wikipedia:United States involvement in regime change|regime change]] she didn't like (which have all been disasters) – not to mention her invasion of Libya and her abandonment of American personnel in Benghazi. The loss of these lives in Libya is directly traceable to Clinton, but their families' testimonials were rejected by the media. * Clinton's actions have been reckless and have directly led to the loss of American lives. And her extreme immigration policies, as also laid out by American victims in Cleveland, will cause the preventable deaths of countless more -- while putting all residents, from all places, at greater risk of terrorism. As Bernie Sanders said on numerous occasions, Hillary Clinton suffers from "bad judgement." She is not qualified to serve as Commander in Chief. ** Written statement responding to [[Khizr M. Khan]] [http://web.archive.org/web/20160731082150/https://www.donaldjtrump.com/press-releases/setting-the-record-straight] (July 30, 2016) ====={{w|2016 Republican National Convention}} (21 July 2016)===== [[File:Donald Trump 2016 RNC speech (1).jpg|thumb|I have joined the [[political]] arena so that the [[powerful]] can no longer beat up on [[people]] that cannot defend themselves. <br /> Nobody knows the [[system]] better than me, which is why I alone can fix it.]] : <small>[https://www.vox.com/2016/7/21/12253426/donald-trump-acceptance-speech-transcript-republican-nomination-transcript "Full transcript of Donald Trump’s acceptance speech at the RNC", ''Vox'' (22 July 2016)] · [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fs0pZ_GrTy8 "Donald Trump's entire Republican convention speech", ''CNN'' (21 July 2016)] · [http://www.politico.com/story/2016/07/full-transcript-donald-trump-nomination-acceptance-speech-at-rnc-225974 Donald Trump 2016 RNC draft speech transcript], ''{{w|Politico}}'' (21 July 2016)</small> * The attacks on our [[Law enforcement in the United States|police]], and the terrorism in our cities, threaten our very way of life. Any politician who does not grasp this danger is not fit to lead our country. * Americans watching this address tonight have seen the recent images of violence in our streets and the chaos in our communities. Many have witnessed this violence personally. Some have even been its victims. <br /> I have a message for all of you: The crime and violence that today afflicts our nation will soon — and I mean very soon come to an end. Beginning on January 20th 2017, safety will be restored. <br /> The most basic duty of government is to defend the lives of its citizens. Any government that fails to do so is a government unworthy to lead. * It is finally time for a straightforward assessment of the state of our nation. I will present the facts plainly and honestly. We cannot afford to be so politically correct anymore. <br /> So if you want to hear the corporate spin, the carefully-crafted lies, and the media myths — the Democrats are holding their convention next week. Go there. <br /> But here, at our convention, there will be no lies. We will honor the American people with the truth, and nothing else. * Decades of progress made in bringing down crime are now being reversed by this Administration's rollback of criminal enforcement. * America is far less safe – and the world is far less stable – than when Obama made the decision to put Hillary Clinton in charge of America's foreign policy. I am certain it is a decision he truly regrets. Her bad instincts and her bad judgment – something pointed out by Bernie Sanders – are what caused the disasters unfolding today. * This is the legacy of Hillary Clinton: death, destruction and weakness. * The problems we face now – [[Poverty in the United States|poverty]] and violence at home, war and destruction abroad – will last only as long as we continue relying on the same politicians who created them. A change in leadership is required to change these outcomes. * There can be no prosperity without [[wikipedia:Law and order (politics)|law and order]] * Our plan will put America First. [[wikipedia:Americanism (ideology)|Americanism]], not globalism, will be our credo. As long as we are led by politicians who will not put America First, then we can be assured that other nations will not treat America with respect. * Big business, elite media and major donors are lining up behind the campaign of my opponent because they know she will keep our rigged system in place. They are throwing money at her because they have total control over everything she does. She is their puppet, and they pull the strings. That is why Hillary Clinton's message is that things will never change. My message is that things have to change – and they have to change right now. * Every day I wake up determined to deliver for the people I have met all across this nation that have been neglected, ignored, and abandoned. I have visited the laid-off factory workers, and the communities crushed by our horrible and unfair trade deals. These are the forgotten men and women of our country, and they are forgotten, but they're not going to be forgotten long. These are people who work hard but no longer have a voice. I AM YOUR VOICE. * I have no patience for injustice, no tolerance for government incompetence, no sympathy for leaders who fail their citizens. * When innocent people suffer, because our political system lacks the will, or the courage, or the basic decency to enforce our [[Law|laws]] – or worse still, has sold out to some corporate lobbyist for cash – I am not able to look the other way. * When a [[United States Secretary of State|Secretary of State]] illegally stores her emails on a private server, deletes 33,000 of them so the authorities can't see her crime, puts our country at risk, lies about it in every different form and faces no consequence – I know that corruption has reached a level like never before. * I have joined the political arena so that the powerful can no longer beat up on people that cannot defend themselves. '''Nobody knows the system better than me, which is why I alone can fix it'''. <br /> I have seen firsthand how the system is rigged against our citizens, just like it was rigged against Bernie Sanders – he never had a chance. * [[Mike Pence|He]] (Mike Pence) is a man of character and accomplishment. He is the right man for the job. * An attack on law enforcement is an attack on all Americans. I have a message to every last person threatening the peace on our streets and the safety of our police: when I take the oath of office next year, I will restore law and order our country. * In this race for the White House, I am the Law And Order candidate. ... I will work to ensure that all of our kids are treated equally, and protected equally. ** "I am the law-and-order candidate" was a phrase used by [[Richard Nixon]] during his [[w:Richard Nixon 1968 presidential campaign|1968 presidential campaign]]. * Once again, [[France]] is the [[wikipedia:2016 Nice attack|victim of brutal Islamic terrorism]]. Men, women and children viciously mowed down. Lives ruined. Families ripped apart. A nation in mourning. * I will do everything in my power to protect our [[LGBT]] citizens from the violence and oppression of a hateful foreign ideology. * We must work with all of our allies who share our goal of destroying ISIS and stamping out Islamic terror. This includes working with our greatest ally in the region, the State of Israel. * We must immediately suspend immigration from any nation that has been compromised by terrorism until such time as proven vetting mechanisms have been put in place. * I only want to admit individuals into our country who will support our values and love our people. Anyone who endorses violence, hatred or oppression is not welcome in our country and never will be. * Decades of record immigration have produced lower wages and higher unemployment for our citizens, especially for African-American and Latino workers. We are going to have an immigration system that works, but one that works for the American people. * Of all my travels in this country, nothing has affected me more deeply than the time I have spent with the mothers and fathers who have lost their children to violence spilling across our border. * We are going to build a great border wall to stop illegal immigration, to stop the gangs and the violence, and to stop the drugs from pouring into our communities. * Peace will be restored. * We are going to be considerate and compassionate to everyone. But my greatest compassion will be for our own struggling citizens. * Americans want relief from uncontrolled immigration. Communities want relief. * I'm going to make our country rich again. I am going to turn our bad trade agreements into great ones. * I pledge to never sign any trade agreement that hurts our workers, or that diminishes our freedom and independence. Instead, I will make individual deals with individual countries. * No longer will we enter into these massive deals, with many countries, that are thousands of pages long – and which no one from our country even reads or understands. We are going to enforce all trade violations, including through the use of taxes and tariffs, against any country that cheats. * We'll walk away if we don't get the deal that we want. * Reducing taxes will cause new companies and new jobs to come roaring back into our country. * My Dad, {{w|Fred Trump}}, was the smartest and hardest working man I ever knew. * I have loved my life in business. * We must break free from the petty politics of the past. * America is a nation of believers, dreamers, and strivers that is being led by a group of censors, critics, and cynics. * All of the people telling you that you can't have the country you want, are the same people telling you that I wouldn't be standing here tonight. No longer can we rely on those elites in media, and politics, who will say anything to keep a rigged system in place. * We must choose to Believe In America. History is watching us now. * My opponent asks her supporters to recite a three word loyalty pledge. It reads, "I'm with her." I choose to recite a different pledge. My pledge reads, "I'm with you – the American people." I am your voice. So to every parent who dreams for their child, and every child who dreams for a better future, I say these words to you tonight: I'm with you, and I will fight for you, and I will win for you. To all Americans tonight, in all of our cities and towns, I make this promise: We will make America proud again, we will make America strong again, we will make America safe again, and we will Make America Great Again! God bless you and good night! I love you! =====''[[wikipedia:This Week (ABC TV series)|This Week]]'' Interview (July 30, 2016)===== : <small>Interview on {{w|ABC News}}' ''{{w|This Week}}'' with [[George Stephanopoulos]]. [http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/week-transcript-donald-trump-vice-president-joe-biden/story?id=41020870 Transcript] (31 July 2016)</small> * She's (Hillary Clinton) a very dishonest person. I have one of the great temperaments. I have a winning temperament. She has a bad temperament. She's weak. We need a strong temperament and that's all it is, I have a strong temperament. ... I think I have a great temperament. I beat 16 very talented people in -- and I've never done this before. You don't do that with a bad temperament. ... I'm leading her in the polls, as you probably have noticed. And I think I have a great temperament. I have a temperament where I know how to win. She doesn't know how to win. She's not a winner. She doesn't know how to win. Honestly, she lies a lot and she really -- she should tell the truth. I honestly believe if she told the truth -- because she made some reference to my campaigning, I've had a beautiful -- I've had a -- had a flawless campaign. You'll be writing books about this campaign. And yet she's criticizing my campaign. * If you look at what's going on in terms of unity, the Bernie people are angry. They're angry. He was angry. What was amazing to me is when she was talking about Bernie last night, the camera was on him and he was angry. It almost looks like he has buyer's remorse, like he shouldn't have made the deal. * I have no relationship with Putin. I don't think I've ever met him. I never met him. I don't think I've ever met him. ... I have never spoken to him on the phone, no. I've speak -- I've spoken -- when we had the [[wikipedia:Miss Russia|Miss Universe]] contest a number of years ago, we had Miss Universe in Moscow, in the Moscow area, he was invited. He wanted to come. He wasn't able to come. That would have been a time when I would have met him. ... I don't know what it means by having a relationship. I mean he was saying very good things about me, but I don't have a relationship with him. I didn't meet him. I haven't spent time with him. I didn't have dinner with him. I didn't go hiking with him. I don't know -- and I wouldn't know him from Adam except I see his picture and I would know what he looks like. * If our country got along with Russia, that would be a great thing. When Putin goes out and tells everybody -- and you talk about a relationship, but he says Donald Trump is going to win and Donald Trump is a genius, and then I have people saying you should disavow. I said, I'm going to disavow that? ... If we can have a good relationship with Russia and if Russia would help us get rid of ISIS, frankly, as far as I'm concerned, you're talking about tremendous amounts of money and lives and everything else, that would be a positive thing, not a negative thing. * {{w|NATO}} is going to be just fine. But [[NATO]] countries -- we have 28 countries -- many of them are taking advantage of us because they're not paying. So we're protecting these countries and they're not paying. ... I'm all in favor of NATO. I said NATO is obsolete. I was asked a question by one of your competitors and I said NATO is obsolete, because it's not taking care of terror. * The people of {{w|Crimea}}, from what I've heard, would rather be with Russia than where they were. And you have to look at that, also. Now, that was under -- just so you understand, that was done under Obama's administration. And as far as the [[Ukraine]] is concerned, it's a mess. And that's under the Obama's administration, with his strong ties to [[NATO]]. So with all of these strong ties to NATO, Ukraine is a mess. [[wikipedia:Annexation of Crimea by the Russian Federation|Crimea has been taken]]. Don't blame Donald Trump for that. * No debts. I have very little debt to anybody. I don't need debt. You know, it's very interesting, I'm so liquid, I don't need debt. And if I need debt, if I want debt, I can get it from banks in New York City very easily. * If you want to get a television today -- I buy thousands of television sets. If I want a television, I would love the buy American-made televisions like they used to have where they had [[wikipedia:General Electric#Television|GE]] and [[wikipedia:Sylvania Electric Products|Sylvania]] and all of the different. Today, it's {{w|Samsung}}, it's [[wikipedia:LG Electronics|LG]], it's {{w|Sony}}. We don't make televisions anymore. * When I do ties, I bid them out. And I go all over the place. You have companies over in different countries where they devalue their currency and they make it impossible for American companies to compete. The hat, {{w|Make America Great Again}}. I fought like crazy to find a company in this country that could make the hats. And I found one. And they're American-made, but it's -- because I knew the first thing people would do is, where is the hat made. OK, Make America Great. * He ([[Khizr M. Khan]]) was, you know, very emotional and probably looked like a nice guy to me. His wife, if you look at his wife, she was standing there. She had nothing to say. She probably, maybe she wasn't allowed to have anything to say. You tell me. But plenty of people have written that. She was extremely quiet. And it looked like she had nothing to say. A lot of people have said that. And personally, I watched him. I wish him the best of luck. * I'd say we've had a lot of problems with radical Islamic terrorism. That's what I'd say. We have a lot of problems. ... I'd say you've got to take a look at that, because something is going on. And it's not good. * Well, that sounds - who wrote that? Did Hillary's scriptwriters write it? Because everybody that went out there, we also had [[wikipedia:John R. Allen|John Allen]] who failed with ISIS. I mean, he was a general, Allen, General Allen. He went out. And he was ranting and raving. And then I read a report. He was in there for a number of months. And he failed with ISIS. * The generals aren't doing so well right now. Now, I have a feeling it may be Obama's fault. But if you look at ISIS… General [[Douglas MacArthur|MacArthur]] and [[George S. Patton|General Patton]], they're spinning in their graves. The generals certainly aren't doing very well right now. * I think I've made a lot of sacrifices. I work very, very hard. I've created thousands and thousands of jobs, tens of thousands of jobs, built great structures. I've done, I've had tremendous success. I think I've done a lot. ... I think they're sacrifices. I think when I can employ thousands and thousands of people, take care of their education, take care of so many things, even in military. I mean, I was very responsible, along with a group of people, for getting the [[wikipedia:Vietnam Veterans Plaza|Vietnam Memorial]] built in [[wikipedia:Lower Manhattan|downtown Manhattan]], which to this day people thank me for. * I raised, and I have raised, millions of dollars for the vets. I'm helping the vets a lot. I think my popularity with the vets is through the roof, far greater than hers. She's done nothing. All she's done is tell everybody that the vets are in good shape. They're fine. And they're not fine. People are waiting on line for seven days to see a doctor. She thinks it's fine. * Our country's a mess. And that's why when she makes the speech, she doesn't talk about radical Islam. She doesn't talk about the problems that we have in this country and throughout the world. Many of the problems, she caused. I mean, she created ISIS with her stupidity and her lack of knowledge with her bad judgment. ====August 2016==== [[File:Classified documents at Mar-a-Lago bathroom.jpg|thumb|In my administration, I'm going to enforce all [[laws]] concerning the [[protection]] of classified information. No one will be above the law.]] * He’s not going into Ukraine, OK, just so you understand. He’s not going to go into Ukraine, all right? You can mark it down. You can put it down. You can take it anywhere you want. ** Claimed about the Russian president Vladimir Putin after Putin had invaded Crimea, Ukraine and while fighting a war in Donbass, Ukraine, quoted in [https://edition.cnn.com/2016/07/31/politics/donald-trump-russia-ukraine-crimea-putin/index.html "Trump says Putin is ‘not going to go into Ukraine,’ despite Crimea"], ''CNN'' (August 1, 2016) * Don't worry about that baby. I love babies. I hear that baby crying, I like it. What a baby. What a beautiful baby. Don't worry, don't worry. The mom's running around like—don't worry about it, you know. It's young and beautiful and healthy and that's what we want. [...] Actually, I was only kidding, you can get the baby out of here. That's all right. Don't worry. I, I think she really believed me that I love having a baby crying while I'm speaking. That's OK. People don't understand. That's OK. ** [http://www.politico.com/story/2016/08/trump-kicks-out-baby-rally-226566 At a rally in Ashburn, Virginia.] (August 2, 2016) * He's a terrible president, he'll probably go down as the worst president in the history of our country, he's been a total disaster. ** On Barack Obama during an interview with [[wikipedia:WJLA-TV|WJLA]]. {{citation |date=2016-08-02 |author=Eric Bradner |title=Trump responds to Obama: 'He's a terrible president' |periodical=CNN |url=http://edition.cnn.com/2016/08/02/politics/donald-trump-obama-election-2016/}} * [[Hillary Clinton|Hillary]] wants to abolish, essentially abolish, the [[Second Amendment to the United States Constitution|second amendment]]. '''If she gets to pick her judges, nothing you can do, folks. Although the second amendment people, maybe there is''', I don't know. But I'll tell you what, that will be a horrible day. ** Rally in [[w:Wilmington, North Carolina|Wilmington, North Carolina]] on August 9, 2016 ({{cite news |title=Donald Trump Suggests ‘Second Amendment People' Could Act Against Hillary Clinton |newspaper=[[w:The New York Times|The New York Times]] |first1=Nick |last1=Corasaniti |authorlink2=w:Maggie Haberman |first2=Maggie |last2=Haberman |date=August 9, 2016 |accessdate=November 15, 2018 |url=https://www.nytimes.com/2016/08/10/us/politics/donald-trump-hillary-clinton.html}}; {{cite news |title=Donald Trump hints at assassination of Hillary Clinton by gun rights supporters |first=David |last=Smith |date=August 10, 2016 |accessdate=November 15, 2018 |newspaper=[[w:The Guardian|The Guardian]] |url=https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2016/aug/09/trump-gun-owners-clinton-judges-second-amendment}}). * In my administration, I'm going to enforce all laws concerning the protection of classified information. No one will be above the law. ** Statement in a [https://www.c-span.org/video/?414134-1/donald-trump-campaign-rally-charlotte-north-carolina campaign rally in Charlotte, North Carolina (18 August 2016)], as quoted in [https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/trump-classified-above-law/ "Yes, Trump Said 'No One Will Be Above the Law' Regarding Protection of Classified Information" (9 June 2023)] * [[ISIS]] is honoring President Obama. He is the founder of ISIS. He founded ISIS. And I would say the co-founder would be crooked [[Hillary Clinton]]. ** During a Florida rally at the BB&T Center in Sunrise, as quoted in [http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/donald-trump-president-barack-obama-founder-isis/story?id=41286869 "Donald Trump: President Barack Obama 'Is the Founder of ISIS'"] by David Caplan, ''ABC News'' (August 10, 2016) * I will always tell you the truth. ** [https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2016/8/19/1561877/-Trump-I-will-always-tell-you-the-truth-up-to-30-percent-of-the-time "Trump: “I will always tell you the truth” up to 30 percent of the time"], ''Daily Kos'' (August 19, 2024) * No group in America has been more harmed by Hillary Clinton's policies than African-Americans. If Hillary Clinton's goal was to inflict pain on the African-American community, she could not have done a better job. It's a disgrace. Tonight, I'm asking for the vote of every single African-American citizen in this country who wants to see a better future. The inner cities of our country have been run by the Democratic party for more than fifty years. Their policies have reduced only [[Poverty in the United States|poverty]], joblessness, failing schools and broken homes. It's time to hold Democratic politicians accountable for what they have done to these communities. At what point do we say, "enough?" It's time to hold failed leaders accountable for their results not just their empty words over and over again. Look at what the Democratic party has done to the city as an example and there are many others of Detroit: forty percent of Detroit's residents live in poverty. Half of all Detroit residents do not work and cannot work and can't get a job. Detroit tops the list of most dangerous cities in terms of violent crime. This is the legacy of the Democratic politicians who have run this city. This is the result of the policy agenda embraced by Hillary Clinton: thirty-three thousand emails gone. The only way to change results is to change leadership. We can never fix our problems by relying on the same politicians who created our problems in the first place. A new future requires brand new leadership. Look how much African-American communities suffered under Democratic control. To those I say the following: What do you have to lose by trying something new like Trump. What do you have to lose? I say it again, what do you have to lose. Look, what do you have to lose? You're living your poverty, your schools are no good, you have no jobs. Fifty-eight percent of your youth is unemployed? What the hell do you have to lose? And at the end of four years, I guarantee you, that I will get over ninety-five percent of the African-American vote. I promise you. ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K5B5m1S5VTA Speech to the African-American community in Dimondale, Michigan] (August 19, 2016) * I'm going to be working for you. I'm not going to have time to go play golf. ** [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/politics/wp/2017/02/13/trump-used-to-have-a-slightly-different-opinion-of-presidents-playing-golf/?utm_term=.d2f026a42e9c Trump used to have a slightly different opinion of presidents playing golf] by Phillip Bump, Washington Post, August 8 Virginia rally (August 20, 2016) * Immigration security, we need to protect American jobs. We need to protect American safety. We're going to build a wall folks, don't worry, we're going to build a wall. That wall will go up so fast, your heads will spin. And you'll say, "you know, know he meant it!" And you know what else I mean? Mexico is going to pay for the wall. ** On immigration at a rally in Akron, Ohio (22 August 2016) * It's our right as a sovereign nation to choose immigrants that we think are the likeliest to thrive and flourish and love us. ** Immigration speech (31 August 2016), quoted in [http://fox59.com/2016/08/31/donald-trump-delivers-immigration-speech-after-meeting-with-mexican-president/ "Donald Trump delivers immigration speech after meeting with Mexican president"] by CNN Wire, ''[[wikipedia:WXIN|Fox 59]]''. * The fundamental problem with the immigration system in our country is that it serves the needs of wealthy donors, political activists and powerful politicians. Let me tell you who it doesn’t serve: it doesn’t serve you, the American people. ** [https://www.politico.com/story/2016/08/donald-trump-immigration-address-transcript-227614 Immigration speech], Arizona (31 August 2016) * When politicians talk about immigration reform, they usually mean the following: amnesty, open borders, and lower wages. Immigration reform should mean something else entirely: it should mean improvements to our laws and policies to make life better for American citizens. But if we are going to make our immigration system work, then we have to be prepared to talk honestly and without fear about these important and sensitive issues. ** [https://www.politico.com/story/2016/08/donald-trump-immigration-address-transcript-227614 Immigration speech], Arizona (31 August 2016) * To all the politicians, donors and special interests, hear these words from me today: there is only one core issue in the immigration debate and it is this: the well-being of the American people. Nothing even comes a close second. ** [https://www.politico.com/story/2016/08/donald-trump-immigration-address-transcript-227614 Immigration speech], Arizona (31 August 2016) * You’re stealing my money! You’re stealing my fucking money! What the fuck is this? Why are you letting him steal my fucking money?<br>Fuck the law. I don’t give a fuck about the law. I want my fucking money. **??? when informed he was required to fund a transition. [https://www.theguardian.com/news/2018/sep/27/this-guy-doesnt-know-anything-the-inside-story-of-trumps-shambolic-transition-team 27 September 2018 article in The Guardian by Michael Lewis ] =====Speech at rally in Wilmington, North Carolina (August 9, 2016)===== : <small>Speech at rally in {{w|Wilmington, North Carolina}}. [http://time.com/4445813/donald-trump-second-amendment-speech/ Transcript] (August 9, 2016)</small> * I'm the messenger, but I'll tell you what, the message is the right message. * $400 million in all cash, anybody know what that looks like? That's a lot of cash. That's a lot of case. And honestly, it's so sad. Think of it, going to [[wikipedia:Iran and state-sponsored terrorism|Iran, a terrorist state]]. Now I happen to think they have plenty of money, we've given then $150 billion, so the $400 million is just, you know – I happen to think it goes into their accounts in Switzerland personally. Now, a lot of people say, "no, no, it's used for terror," and they use it for terror because it's the number one terror funder – not even close. But I also think that when you have $400 million in cash, different denominations, do you see the size of this? I guess they did release the pictures after all. They released pictures. ... Obama said that he did it because we don't have a working account with Iran. Do you believe that? How long does it take to set up an account? Right? You don't have a working account, you set up an account, right? * What's going on in this country is insane. And we have people running our country that don't know what they're doing, they're grossly incompetent, and it's time. We have to make change, real change. Not [[wikipedia:Barack Obama presidential campaign, 2008#Slogan|Obama change]], we have to make change. * We get [[Bowe Bergdahl|Bergdahl]] who was a traitor, and they get five of the greatest killers that they've wanted for eight years. We get Bergdahl — I call it the five for one trade. For the [[wikipedia:Iran nuclear deal framework|Iran deal]], where we get nothing, we get nothing. They get ultimately, they have the path, beautiful path, they'll get way, way earlier than that. They'll get nuclear weapons, so if you get Trump you're going to see a lot of changes to that deal. That'll happen fast. * Remember {{w|Obamacare}}, "you're going to keep your doctor, you're going to keep your plan, over and over again, you're going to keep your doctor." It was a lie. And in fact, if he didn't make the lie, he would have never gotten it approved because most Democrats, many of the Democrats didn't want to do it. It was only that, that got them to sign it and to approve it. And it was a lie. * America first. We get a little tired of these deals where they actually put, and you know why, because of lobbyists and special interests and people representing and people wanting it to happen. It's just not that they want other countries to benefit over us. There are reasons for it and you know, when I raise money, and I'm putting up a lot of money for my own campaign, I'm funding me. And I'm raising for the Republican party. And we're getting a lot of money from the small donors. * '''Those cameras are not going on the move unless we have a protester. If we had a protester that's the only time they move because they're showing something that in their mind is a bad thing, so then they move.''' But I like that, I've always liked my protesters because the cameras show these massive crowds and people say wow, was that a big crowd. * She (Hillary Clinton) lacks judgment, she lacks temperament and I'm the one that used unfit many, many months ago. And now they've turned it around, use it on me, unfit? I'm unfit? That's — that's a first. But she lacks the temperament and the moral character to lead this country, its very simple. She really does. She's a dangerous person who doesn't tell the truth which has been proven very loudly. I've never seen a — I don't think we've ever had greater proof of that, of anybody. And she has disregarded the lives of Americans — you see what's happening — with what she has done with her server? And you know why she did that. So, I just look at this, and I said that if she gets elected, she will cause the destruction of this country from within. Remember that. ... She is disdainful of the rules set for everyone else and she hasn't changed a bit. This is — that was the good thing. I couldn't say the bad things. It was too much. Nobody would even — nobody would even believe it. You've got to see this book. Nobody would believe because it's so terrible, so terrible. And she comes across like this woman — nice, easy — but she's not. And — and she's — listen — she's not a leader, not a leader. And she is a liar. * '''[[France]] isn't France anymore.''' We're not going. And so many people are saying that. Look at what's going on with [[Germany]]. Look at what's happening with Germany. Look at the crime; look at the problems. We have enough problems in our country right now. We don't need additional problems, folks. We don't need additional problems. And for all we know, this could be the great [[Trojan Horse]]. This could be. We don't know who these people are. ... We have to get smart, folks. We don't need the problems — and we've already got those problems, just so you understand. Because they're coming into the country, they're being put where nobody even knows where they are. It's like, if I were the enemy, I would say, I can't believe they're that stupid. They're taking my people and they're putting them all over the place, because you have great military right here. * [[wikipedia:Hillary Clinton email controversy|33,000 e-mails are missing]]. And she's so guilty. She's so guilty. * Could you imagine if I said that "I short circuited"? They would be calling for my execution, — electric chair. They'd bring back the electric chair. It would be a whole different ball game if I said it, believe me. * [[wikipedia:Economic policy of Barack Obama|Obama-Clinton economic policies]] have produced 1.2 percent economic growth, the weakest so-called [[wikipedia:Financial crisis of 2007–08#Stabilization|recovery]] since the Great Depression. Now, this is, like, unbelievable — 1.2. Do you know China goes to 7 percent or 8 percent, it's like a national catastrophe. Now, what they do is they cut their currency. They devalue their currency, and big league, and then all of our businesses continue to be drained out of the United States. Our money, our jobs. They make our product, they sell our product to us. No tax, no nothing, you devalue — see devaluing is sort of cheating. * I see the carnage that [[wikipedia:Political positions of Donald Trump#NAFTA|NAFTA has caused]], I see the carnage. It's been horrible. ... It's a suicidal pact for our country. And you know I've watched for years. * I like Mexico. And I respect the leaders of Mexico because they're much smarter, they're much street smarter, but they're much smarter and more cunning than our leaders. But you have to see what's going on. * I can't believe I'm saying I'm a politician. * The Bernie ones were — they had a lot more spirit. I think we're going to get a lot of Bernie voters, if you want to know the truth. Because they do understand that trade is killing us. Trade. * The [[national debt]] has doubled. And you know the bad part about that? You think if the national debt has doubled, our infrastructure would be great, our country would be in great shape. We'd have beautiful roads, beautiful highways. You see where like 50 percent of the bridges are in danger in this country. And the roadways are a mess. * We have great people. We have the most loyal people. We have the smartest people. You know, so many of my people, they're so smart. They like to say, well, Trump, I don't know if he's got this right — let me tell you, we have the smartest people. We have the people that are the smartest, and the strongest, and the best and the hardest working. We have the smartest people. We'll put I.Q.s among — some of us, we couldn't say all of us, right — against any I.Q.s that we — we have to deal with, that I can tell you. I would love to do that. * Today, [[wikipedia:Home-ownership in the United States|homeownership]] is at its lowest rate in 51 years. ... Lowest that its been in so many years, 51 years. Nearly 12 million people and more Americans are dependent on food stamps and 2 million more Latino Americans live in poverty under Obama and Clinton — under Obama; because Clinton's just gonna carry on. * Hillary wants to raise taxes. It's a comparison. I want to lower them. * If she gets to pick her judges, nothing you can do, folks. Although the Second Amendment people, maybe there is. I don't know. But — but I'll tell you what. That will be a horrible day. If — if Hillary gets to put her judges — right now, we're tied. You see what's going on. * Hillary essentially wants to abolish the Second Amendment. * Hillary and President Obama refused to use the term radical {{w|Islamic terrorism}}. Big problem. Big problem. Hillary wants to release violent criminals and criminal offenders from prison, that's wonderful, enjoy yourselves. I want to work with our police. Our police are so incredible, they're not getting the respect they deserve. * We have to respect and cherish our police. * We're fighting a political correct war. It's a political correct war. I mean, you know what's going on. You know what's going on. These are people that chop off heads. These are people that, in steel cages, drop steel cages into the waters and drowned large numbers of people. These are people that buried people in the sand. We've got to knock them out. I was against the war in Iraq. We shouldn't have been to the war in Iraq. It destabilized the Middle East and I said that was going to happen. But we shouldn't have gotten out the way we got out. The way we got out was insane. And Obama gave a date, and he — and that's how ISIS happened, folks. Hence, the birth of ISIS. * If I'm ISIS, I call her (Hillary Clinton) up and I give her the most valuable player award. ... And I guarantee you with Libya, which was her baby, and all of the other mistakes she has made. Obama takes now, because obviously, for him, that's the better alternative, all right? But he has been an incompetent president. He has done a horrible job. =====Speech in Jackson, Mississippi (August 24, 2016)===== <small>Speech in {{w|Jackson, Mississippi}}. As quoted by ''{{w|CBS}}'' and ''{{w|The Hindu}}'' [http://newyork.cbslocal.com/2016/08/24/trump-clinton-bigot/][http://www.thehindu.com/news/international/republican-presidential-candidate-donald-trump-speaks-at-an-election-rally-in-mississippi/article9031151.ece] (August 24, 2016)</small> * '''Hillary Clinton is a bigot who sees people of color only as votes, not as human beings worthy of a better future.''' She's going to do nothing for African-Americans. She's going to do nothing for the Hispanics. She's only going to take care of herself, her consultants, her donors, these are the people she cares about. She doesn't care what her policies have done to your communities. She doesn't care. Remember this, you've had her policies — Democrats running some of the inner cities for 50, 70, 80, even over 100 years. And look what you have right now: poverty, no education, crime, you can't walk down the street with your child. We're going to fix it. Hillary Clinton has no remorse. I will fight to create a better future for every American. * Eight years of Obama-Clinton policies have sacrificed our safety and undermined our freedom and independence. ... The Obama-Clinton foreign policy has unleashed ISIS, destabilised the Middle East and put the nation of Iran — which chants [[Death to America]] — in a dominant position of regional power and, in fact, aspiring to be a dominant world power. * Our jobs have moved overseas, Islamic terrorism has spread within our shores and an open border has crushed low-income workers and threatened our security. The issues we face here in America are similar to the issues faced in Britain during their referendum on membership in the EU. This is the movement known as Brexit * Hillary wants to surrender America to globalism. She wants a country without borders. She wants trade deals written for the benefit of foreign corporations. She wants a government that ignores the will of the people. She wants to sell out American security to the Clinton Foundation for a pile of cash. It is hard to tell where the Clinton Foundation ends and the [[United States Department of State|State Department]] begins. ... Hillary Clinton has betrayed her duty to the people. * The job of a public official is to serve and protect the citizens of the United States. Not illegal immigrants, not foreign nationals seeking entry, but the people living here lawfully today — including millions of African-American and Hispanic citizens. * I will fight for their security, I will fight for their jobs, I will fight for their families. One American Nation. * It's time for America to recapture its destiny. Our government, our leaders, and our media have lost touch with the people. You need no better evidence of that than the fact that the media ignores the plight of Americans who have lost their children to illegal immigrants, but spends day after day pushing for amnesty for those here in violation of the law. * This is the legacy of Hillary Clinton: death, destruction, terrorism and weakness. But Hillary Clinton's legacy doesn't have to be America's legacy. * I have a message for the terrorists trying to kill our citizens: we will find you, we will destroy you, and we will win. This is not only a military fight, but we will also require cyberwarfare and financial warfare. It is also an ideological fight. We will confront directly the hateful ideology of Radical Islam — and promote American values, and American culture, and America's system of government. ====September 2016==== * We can't have someone in the Oval Office who doesn't understand the meaning of the word "confidential" or "classified". ** [http://edition.cnn.com/2017/05/15/politics/donald-trump-classified-information/ Trump campaign speech in Greenville, North Carolina] (6 September 2016) * For the first time in a long while, [[Hillary Clinton|her]] true feelings came out, showing bigotry and hatred for millions of Americans. How can she be President of our country when she has such contempt and disdain for so many great Americans? ** {{cite news |title=Clinton walks back 'deplorables' comment: I 'regret' using the term to describe 'half' of Trump's supporters |first=Beremy |last=Berke |work=[[w:Business Insider|Business Insider]] |date=10 September 2016 |url=http://www.businessinsider.com/clinton-regrets-deplorables-comment-2016-9/}} * While my opponent slanders you as deplorable... I call you hard-working, American patriots. ** [https://www.c-span.org/video/?415085-1/donald-trump-campaigns-ashville-north-carolina Donald Trump Campaign Rally in Ashville, North Carolina], ''C-SPAN.org'' (12 September 2016). *OK, what I do is, wash it with Head and Shoulders. I don't dry it, though. I let it dry by itself. It takes about an hour. Then I read papers and things…I also watch TV…OK, so I've done all that. I then comb my hair. Yes, I do use a comb…<br>Do I comb it forward? No, I don't comb it forward…I actually don't have a bad hairline. When you think about it, it's not bad. I mean, I get a lot of credit for comb-overs. But it's not really a comb-over. It's sort of a little bit forward and back. I've combed it the same way for years. Same thing, every time. **[https://www.newsmax.com/thewire/jimmy-fallon-donald-trump-mess-up-hair/2016/09/16/id/748677/ 15 September 2016 to Jimmy Fallon] * Hillary Clinton and her campaign of 2008 started the birther controversy. I finished it. I finished it. You know what I mean. President Barack Obama was born in the United States, period. Now we all want to get back to making America strong and great again. ** {{cite news |title=Trump finally says Obama born in U.S., blames Clinton for controversy |work=USA Today |date=16 September 2016 |url=http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/elections/2016/2016/09/16/donald-trump-barack-obama-hillary-clinton-presidential-campaign-birtherism/90471868/}} ** [[wikipedia:Barack Obama citizenship conspiracy theories|Conspiracy theories about Barack Obama's citizenship]] were not started by Hillary Clinton's 2008 campaign according to ''[http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2016/sep/16/donald-trump/fact-checking-donald-trumps-claim-hillary-clinton-/ PolitiFact.com]'', and Trump continued to question Obama's citizenship for years after he released his long-form birth certificate in 2011[http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2016/sep/16/donald-trump/donald-trumps-pants-fire-claim-he-finished-obama-b/]. * People don't know how great you are. People don't know how smart you are. These are the smart people. These are the smart people. These are really the smart people. And they never like to say it, but I say it. And I'm a smart person. These are the smart. We have the smartest people. We have the smartest people. And they know it. Some say it, but they hate to say it. But we have the smartest people. ** Council Bluffs, Iowa, quoted in {{citation |date=2016-09-29 |title=Donald Trump's Bizarre Speech: 'You Are The Smartest People' |periodical=Leading Britain's Conversation |url=https://www.lbc.co.uk/politics/us-election/donald-trump/donald-trumps-bizarre-speech-smartest-people/}} * On the question if he would honor the results of the election should he lose:<br>"We're going to have to see. We're going to see what happens. We're going to have to see." ** [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/01/us/politics/donald-trump-interview-bill-hillary-clinton.html?_r=0 In an interview with the New York Times]; [http://www.nbcnews.com/card/trump-appears-back-pledge-support-clinton-if-she-wins-n657866 Trump Appears to Back Off Pledge to Support Clinton If She Wins], NBC News (30 September 2016) =====First presidential debate (September 26, 2016)===== <small>[https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-fix/wp/2016/09/26/the-first-trump-clinton-presidential-debate-transcript-annotated/#annotations:10505575 Transcript], ''{{w|Washington Post}}''</small> * Our jobs are fleeing the country. They're going to Mexico. They're going to many other countries. You look at what China is doing to our country in terms of making our product. They're devaluing their currency, and there's nobody in our government to fight them. And we have a very good fight. And we have a winning fight. Because they're using our country as a piggy bank to rebuild China, and many other countries are doing the same thing. ... We have to stop our jobs from being stolen from us. We have to stop our companies from leaving the United States and, with it, firing all of their people. ... We cannot let it happen. Under my plan, I'll be reducing taxes tremendously, from 35 percent to 15 percent for companies, small and big businesses. That's going to be a job creator like we haven't seen since [[Ronald Reagan]]. It's going to be a beautiful thing to watch. Companies will come. They will build. They will expand. New companies will start. And I look very, very much forward to doing it. We have to renegotiate our trade deals, and we have to stop these countries from stealing our companies and our jobs. * Our country's in deep trouble. We don't know what we're doing when it comes to devaluations and all of these countries all over the world, especially China. They're the best, the best ever at it. What they're doing to us is a very, very sad thing. * But in all fairness to Secretary Clinton, when she started talking about this, it was really very recently. She's been doing this for 30 years. And why hasn't she made the agreements better? The NAFTA agreement is defective. Just because of the tax and many other reasons, but just because of the fact Secretary Clinton and others, politicians, should have been doing this for years, not right now, because of the fact that we've created a movement. * The first thing you do is don't let the jobs leave. The companies are leaving. I could name, I mean, there are thousands of them. They're leaving, and they're leaving in bigger numbers than ever. And what you do is you say, fine, you want to go to Mexico or some other country, good luck. We wish you a lot of luck. But if you think you're going to make your air conditioners or your cars or your cookies or whatever you make and bring them into our country without a tax, you're wrong. And once you say you're going to have to tax them coming in, and our politicians never do this, because they have special interests and the special interests want those companies to leave, because in many cases, they own the companies. So what I'm saying is, we can stop them from leaving. We have to stop them from leaving. And that's a big, big factor. * '''CLINTON''': Donald was one of the people who rooted for the [[wikipedia:United States housing bubble|housing crisis]]. He said, back in 2006, "Gee, I hope it does collapse, because then I can go in and buy some and make some money." Well, it did collapse. : '''TRUMP''': That's called business, by the way. * We invested in a solar company, our country. That was a disaster. They lost plenty of money on that one. Now, look, I'm a great believer in all forms of [[energy]], but we're putting a lot of people out of work. Our energy policies are a disaster. Our country is losing so much in terms of energy, in terms of paying off our debt. You can't do what you're looking to do with $20 trillion in debt. The Obama administration, from the time they've come in, is over 230 years' worth of debt, and he's topped it. He's doubled it in a course of almost eight years, seven-and-a-half years, to be semi- exact. * We have to do a much better job at giving companies incentives to build new companies or to expand, because they're not doing it. * NAFTA is the worst trade deal maybe ever signed anywhere, but certainly ever signed in this country. And now you [Hillary Clinton] [[wikipedia:Political positions of Hillary Clinton#Trans-Pacific_Partnership|want to approve Trans-Pacific Partnership]]. You were totally in favor of it. Then you heard what I was saying, how bad it is, and you said, I can't win that debate. But you know that if you did win, you would approve that, and that will be almost as bad as NAFTA. Nothing will ever top NAFTA. * You are going to approve one of the [[wikipedia:Political positions of Hillary Clinton#Fiscal_policy_and_taxation|biggest tax cuts in history]]. You are going to approve one of the biggest tax increases in history. You are going to drive business out. Your regulations are a disaster, and you're going to increase regulations all over the place. And by the way, my tax cut is the biggest since [[wikipedia:Reaganomics|Ronald Reagan]]. I'm very proud of it. It will create tremendous numbers of new jobs. But regulations, you are going to regulate these businesses out of existence. ... The things that business as in people like the most is the fact that I'm cutting regulation. You have regulations on top of regulations, and new companies cannot form and old companies are going out of business. And you want to increase the regulations and make them even worse. I'm going to cut regulations. I'm going to cut taxes big league, and you're going to raise taxes big league, end of story. * She's telling us how to fight ISIS. Just go to her website. She tells you how to fight ISIS on her website. I don't think General [[Douglas MacArthur]] would like that too much. ... See, you're telling the enemy everything you want to do. No wonder you've been fighting ISIS your entire adult life. * I'm really calling for major jobs, because the wealthy are going create tremendous jobs. They're going to expand their companies. They're going to do a tremendous job. I'm getting rid of the carried interest provision. And if you really look, it's not a tax -- it's really not a great thing for the wealthy. It's a great thing for the middle class. It's a great thing for companies to expand. * We have the worst revival of an economy since the [[Great Depression]]. And believe me: '''We're in a bubble right now. And the only thing that looks good is the [[stock market]], but if you raise [[interest]] rates even a little bit, that's going to come [[Stock market crash|crashing down]].''' * I will release them as soon as the [[Auditor|audit]]. Look, I've been under audit almost for 15 years. I know a lot of wealthy people that have never been audited. I said, do you get audited? I get audited almost every year. And in a way, I should be complaining. I'm not even complaining. I don't mind it. It's almost become a way of life. I get audited by the [[IRS]]. But other people don't. I will say this. We have a situation in this country that has to be taken care of. I will release my tax returns -- against my lawyer's wishes -- when she [Hillary Clinton] releases her 33,000 e-mails that have been deleted. As soon as she releases them, I will release. ** About releasing his tax returns. * That makes me smart. ** About that Trump didn't pay [[wikipedia:Income tax in the United States|federal income taxes]]. * That was more than a mistake. That was done purposely. OK? That was not a mistake. That was done purposely. When you have your staff taking the [[Fifth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Fifth Amendment]], taking the Fifth so they're not prosecuted, when you have the man that set up the illegal server taking the Fifth, I think it's disgraceful. ** About {{w|Hillary Clinton email controversy}} * As far as my tax returns, you don't learn that much from tax returns. That I can tell you. You learn a lot from financial disclosure. And you should go down and take a look at that. * I am very under[[wiktionary:leverage|leveraged]]. I have a great company. I have a tremendous income. And the reason I say that is not in a braggadocios way. It's because it's about time that this country had somebody running it that has an idea about money. * Maybe he didn't do a good job and I was unsatisfied with his work ... On occasion, four times, we used certain laws that are there. And when Secretary Clinton talks about people that didn't get paid, first of all, they did get paid a lot, but taken advantage of the laws of the nation. Now, if you want to change the laws, you've been there a long time, change the laws. But I take advantage of the laws of the nation because I'm running a company. My obligation right now is to do well for myself, my family, my employees, for my companies. And that's what I do. ... She [Hillary Clinton] doesn't say is that tens of thousands of people that are unbelievably happy and that love me. ** About not having paid to some of his employees. * We need law and order. If we don't have it, we're not going to have a country. ... We need law and order in our country. * We have a situation where we have our inner cities, [[African American|African- Americans]], [[w:Hispanic American|Hispanics]] are living in hell because it's so dangerous. You walk down the street, you get shot. * Now, whether or not in a place like Chicago you do [[wikipedia:Frisking|stop and frisk]], which worked very well, [[Rudy Giuliani|Mayor Giuliani]] is here, [[wikipedia:Stop-and-frisk in New York City|worked very well in New York]]. It brought the crime rate way down. But you take the gun away from criminals that shouldn't be having it. We have [[wikipedia:Gangs in the United States|gangs roaming the street]]. And in many cases, they're illegally here, [[illegal immigrants]]. And they have guns. And they shoot people. And we have to be very strong. And we have to be very vigilant. * Our police, in many cases, are afraid to do anything. We have to protect our inner cities, because African-American communities are being decimated by crime, decimated. * '''HOLT''': Stop-and-frisk was ruled unconstitutional in New York, because it largely singled out black and Hispanic young men. : '''TRUMP''': No, you're wrong. It went before a judge, who was a very against-police judge. It was taken away from her. And our mayor, our new mayor, refused to go forward with the case. They would have won an appeal. If you look at it, throughout the country, there are many places where it's allowed. : '''HOLT''': The argument is that it's a form of racial profiling. : '''TRUMP''': No, the argument is that we have to take the guns away from these people that have them and they are bad people that shouldn't have them. * You need more police. You need a better community, you know, relation. ... You need better relationships between the communities and the police, because in some cases, it's not good. * So when you [Hillary Clinton] tried to act holier than thou, it really doesn't work. It really doesn't. * We should be better than anybody else, and perhaps we're not. I don't think anybody knows it was Russia that [[wikipedia:Democratic National Committee cyber attacks|broke into the DNC]]. She's saying Russia, Russia, Russia, but I don't -- maybe it was. I mean, it could be Russia, but it could also be China. It could also be lots of other people. It also could be somebody sitting on their bed that weighs 400 pounds, OK? * We have to get very, very tough on cyber and cyber warfare. * President Obama and Secretary Clinton created a vacuum the way they got [[wikipedia:Withdrawal of U.S. troops from Iraq|out of Iraq]], because they got out -- what, they shouldn't have been in, but once they got in, the way they got out was a disaster. And ISIS was formed. * I said it to you once, had we taken the [[oil]] -- and we should have taken the oil -- ISIS would not have been able to form either, because the [[wikipedia:Oil production and smuggling in ISIL|oil was their primary source of income]]. And now they have the oil all over the place, including the oil -- a lot of the oil in Libya, which was another one of her disasters. * You [Hillary Clinton] look at the Middle East, you started the Iran deal, that's another beauty where you have a country that was ready to fall, I mean, they were doing so badly. They were choking on the sanctions. And now they're going to be actually probably a major power at some point pretty soon, the way they're going. * I think we have to get [[NATO]] to go into the Middle East with us, in addition to surrounding nations, and we have to knock the hell out of ISIS, and we have to do it fast, when ISIS formed in this vacuum created by Barack Obama and Secretary Clinton. And believe me, you were the ones that took out the troops. ... When they formed, this is something that never should have happened. It should have never happened. Now, you're talking about taking out ISIS. But you were there, and you were secretary of state when it was a little infant. Now it's in over 30 countries. And you're going to stop them? I don't think so. * I think the best person in her [Clinton's] campaign is mainstream media. * The single greatest problem the world has is nuclear armament, nuclear weapons, not global warming, like you think and your -- your president thinks. ====October 2016==== * I'd never withdraw. I've never withdrawn in my life. ** [https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/amid-growing-calls-to-drop-out-trump-vows-to-never-withdraw/2016/10/08/8c0b5b7a-8d68-11e6-bff0-d53f592f176e_story.html?postshare=8561475940907652&tid=ss_tw phone call to the Washington Post] (8 October 2016) * So important that you get out and vote. So important that you watch other communities, because we don't want this election stolen from us. We don't want this election stolen from us. ** [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-fix/wp/2016/10/11/donald-trump-unplugged-as-ever/ Transcript of speech] at [[wikipedia:Ambridge, Pennsylvania|Ambridge, Pennsylvania]] (October 10, 2016) * '''Donald Trump''': Now, he's supposed to look like Donald Trump, but he's actually much too good looking. ''[to toddler]'' You are really handsome... Do you want to go back to [your parents] or do you want to stay with Donald Trump?<br>'''Toddler''': Trump. ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snou8qrElnM Little Trump Look-Alike Comes on Stage with Donald in Wilkes-Barre 10/10/16], [[wikipedia:Right Side Broadcasting Network|Right Side Broadcasting]], ''YouTube''. Quoted in [http://people.com/politics/donald-trump-meets-his-mini-me-at-pennsylvania-rally/ "Donald Trump Meets His Mini-Me at Pennsylvania Rally"] by Dave Quinn, ''People.com'' (October 11, 2016). * Hillary Clinton meets in secret with international banks to plot the destruction of U.S. sovereignty in order to enrich these global financial powers, her special interest friends and her donors. * Honestly, she should be locked up. She should be. Should be locked up. ** [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/14/us/politics/trump-comments-linked-to-antisemitism.html at a rally in West Palm Beach, Florida] (October 13, 2016) * She [Clinton] walks in front of me, she walks in front of me, you know. And when she walked in front of me, believe me I wasn't impressed. * Reporters at [[The New York Times]] are not journalists. They're corporate lobbyists for [[Carlos Slim Helú|Carlos Slim]] and Hillary Clinton. * Believe me: She [one of the women accusing him of sexual assault] would not be my first choice, that I can tell you. ** [http://www.cnn.com/2016/10/14/politics/donald-trump-hillary-clinton-appearance-debate/ at a rally in Greensboro, N.C.] Also quoted in [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/15/us/politics/trump-speech-highlights.html?hp&action=click&pgtype=Homepage&clickSource=story-heading&module=first-column-region&region=top-news&WT.nav=top-news Donald Trump's Barrage of Heated Rhetoric Has Little Precedent] (October 14, 2016) * Our movement is about replacing a failed and corrupt - and when I say corrupt, I'm talking about totally corrupt - political establishment [Obamacare] with a new government controlled by you, the American people. There is nothing the political establishment will not do. No lie that they won't tell to hold their prestige and power at your expense and that's what's been happening. The Washington establishment and the financial and media corporations that funded exist for only one reason: to protect and enrich itself. The establishment has trillions of dollars at stake in this election. As an example, just one single trade deal they'd like to pass involves trillions of dollars controlled by many countries, corporations, and lobbyists. For those who controlled the levels of power in Washington, and for the global special interests, they partner with these people that don't have your good in mind. Our campaign represents a true existential threat like they haven't seen before. ** At a campaign rally in Florida (13 October 2016) * No, no, lot of things are going on folks, lot of things. I think she's actually getting pumped up, if you want to know the truth, she's getting pumped up, you understand? In fact we're going to be talking about that in a few minutes. She's getting pumped up for Wednesday night. Let's see. You know, I don't know, maybe, we're like athletes, right? Hey, look, I beat seventeen senators, governors, I beat all these people, we're like athletes. Hillary beat Bernie, although it looks like Bernie got a little bit of a bad deal based on Wikileaks, right? If you look at Wikileaks. But we're like athletes, right? So athletes, they're making them more and more, but athletes, they make them take a drug test, right? I think we should take a drug test prior to the debate, I do. I think we should, why don't we do that? We should take a drug test, prior, because I don't know what's going on with her. But at the beginning of her last debate, she was all pumped up at the beginning, and at the end it was like, "Uh, take me down." She could barely reach her car. So I think we should take a drug test, I'm, er, anyway I'm willing to do it. ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3mE7YkeasOA At a rally in Portsmouth, New Hampshire, about his rival Hillary Clinton's performance during the presidential debates] (15 October 2016) * Such a nasty woman. [of Hillary Clinton] ** Third Presidential debate (19 October 2016), [http://fortune.com/2016/10/19/presidential-debate-third-transcript/ full transcript] at ''[[wikipedia:Fortune (magazine)|fortune.com]]''. * I would like to promise and pledge to all of my voters and supporters and to all of the people of the United States that I will totally accept the results of this great and historic presidential election, ''if I win''. ** 20 October 2016, quoted in {{citation |date=2016-10-20 |title=Donald Trump: 'I will totally accept' election results 'if I win' |author=Jeremy Diamond |periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2016/10/20/politics/donald-trump-i-will-totally-accept-election-results-if-i-win/index.html}} * These events give not only the candidates a chance to be with each other in a very social setting; it also allows the candidates the opportunity to meet the other candidate's team — good team. I know Hillary met my campaign manager, and I got the chance to meet the people who are working so hard to get her elected. There they are — the heads of NBC, CNN, CBS, ABC — there's the New York Times, right over there, and the Washington Post. They're working overtime. True. True. Oh, this one’s going to get me in trouble. ** Al Smith charity dinner speech, 20 October 2016 *Hillary is so corrupt, she got kicked off the Watergate commission. **Al Smith charity dinner speech, [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/election-us-2016-37724391 20 October 2016] * I'm going to fight for every American in every last part of this nation. We have a president who doesn't fight. He goes out and plays golf all the time. ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cC_3IxKcQIA Hardball with Chris Matthews, August 4, 2017] October 23 rally *She didn't know what to do, well how did you get him, uh well uh... they were sent by Russia! You know they're always using Russia **[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smKITCJJMnc&t=18m30s October 25, 2016 rally in Sanford] regarding [[Donna Brazile]] * And I have to give the [[Federal Bureau of Investigation|FBI]] credit, that was so bad, what happened, originally, and it took guts for [[James Comey|Director Comey]] to make the move that he made, in light of the kind of opposition he had, with their trying to protect her from criminal prosecution, you know that. It took a lot of guts, I really disagreed with him, I was not his fan, but I'll tell you what, what he did, he brought back his reputation, he brought it back. He's got to hang tough, because there's a lot of, lotta people, want him to do the wrong thing, what he did was the right thing. ** [http://edition.cnn.com/videos/politics/2016/10/31/donald-trump-james-comey-has-guts-grand-rapids-sot.cnn At a rally in Grand Rapids, Michigan] shortly after Comey announced the FBI would investigate further emails relating to Hillary Clinton, but before his statement that no incriminating information was found within them (31 October 2016) =====Second presidential debate (October 9, 2016)===== <small>[http://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/10/us/politics/transcript-second-debate.html Transcript], ''{{w|New York Times}}''</small> * '''[[Anderson Cooper]]''': You bragged that you have [[Sexual assault|sexually assaulted]] women. Do you understand that?<br>'''Donald Trump''': No, I didn't say that at all. I don't think you understood what was — this was locker room talk. * I have great respect for women. Nobody has more respect for women than I do. * ...if I win, I am going to instruct my attorney general to get a special prosecutor to look into your [Hilary Clinton's] situation, because there has never been so many lies, so much deception. There has never been anything like it, and we're going to have a special prosecutor. * '''Hillary Clinton''': ...it's just awfully good that someone with the temperament of Donald Trump is not in charge of the law in our country.<br>'''Donald Trump''': Because you'd be in jail. * '''Cooper''': Please allow her to respond. She didn't talk while you talked.<br>'''Clinton''': Yes, that's true, I didn't.<br>'''Trump''': Because you have nothing to say. * '''[[wikipedia:Martha Raddatz|Martha Raddatz]]''': ...you, Secretary Clinton, purportedly say you need both a public and private position on certain issues....<br>'''Clinton''': As I recall, that was something I said about [[Abraham Lincoln]] after having seen [[Lincoln (2012 film)|the wonderful Steven Spielberg movie]] ...<br>'''Trump''': Now she's blaming the lie on the late, great Abraham Lincoln. That's one that I haven't... OK, Honest Abe, Honest Abe never lied. That's the good thing. That's the big difference between Abraham Lincoln and you. That's a big, big difference. We're talking about some difference. * I know nothing about Russia. I know — I know about Russia, but I know nothing about the inner workings of Russia. * '''Cooper''': Did you use that $916 million loss to avoid paying personal federal income taxes for years?<br>'''Trump''': Of course I do. Of course I do. And so do all of her donors, or most of her donors. ... I pay tremendous numbers of taxes. I absolutely used it. And so did Warren Buffett and so did George Soros and so did many of the other people that Hillary is getting money from. * ...NAFTA, signed by her husband, is perhaps the greatest disaster trade deal in the history of the world. ====November 2016==== * I'm also honored to have the greatest temperament that anybody has. ** Quoted by {{citation | author=Sam Stein | date=2016-11-03 |title=Donald Trump Is Honored To Have The Greatest Temperament, Donald Trump Says | periodical=Huffington Post | url=https://www.huffpost.com/entry/donald-trump-temperament_n_581b75d3e4b0b8e11a135eac}} * Our movement is about replacing a failed and corrupt political establishment with a new government controlled by you, the American people. The establishment has trillions of dollars at stake in this election. For those who control the levers of power in Washington and for the global special interests, they partner with these people that don't have your good in mind. The political establishment that is trying to stop us is the same group responsible for our disastrous trade deals, massive illegal immigration and economic and foreign policies that have bled our country dry. The political establishment has brought about the destruction of our factories and our jobs as they flee to Mexico, China and other countries all around the world. It's a global power structure that is responsible for the economic decisions that have robbed our working class, stripped our country of its wealth and put that money into the pockets of a handful of large corporations and political entities. The only thing that can stop this corrupt machine is you. The only force strong enough to save our country is us. The only people brave enough to vote out this corrupt establishment is you, the American people. I'm doing this for the people and the movement and we will take back this country for you and we will make America great again. I'm Donald Trump and I approve this message. ** Closing argument for America (4 November 2016) *** Lines recycled from Trump's campaign rally in West Palm Beach, FL (10/13/2016) * No dream is too big, no challenge is too great. Nothing we want for our future is beyond our reach. America will no longer settle for anything less than the best. ** [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/11/10/us/politics/trump-speech-transcript.html Victory Speech] (9 November 2016) * I think I'm a sober person. I think the press tries to make you into something a little bit different. In my case, a little bit of a wild man, I'm not, I'm actually not. I'm a very sober person. ** During an interview on 60 Minutes (11 November 2016) * Today, I would like to provide the American people with an update on the White House transition and our policy plans for the first 100 days. Our transition team is working very smoothly, efficiently, and effectively. Truly great and talented men and women, patriots indeed are being brought in and many will soon be a part of our government, helping us to [[Make America Great Again]]. My agenda will be based on a simple core principle: putting [[America First (policy)|America First]]. Whether it's producing steel, building cars, or curing disease, I want the next generation of production and innovation to happen right here, in our great homeland: America – creating wealth and jobs for American workers. As part of this plan, I've asked my transition team to develop a list of executive actions we can take on day one to restore our laws and bring back our jobs. It's about time. These include the following: On trade, I am going to issue our notification of intent to withdraw from the Trans-Pacific Partnership, a potential disaster for our country. Instead, we will negotiate fair, bilateral trade deals that bring jobs and industry back onto American shores. On energy, I will cancel job-killing restrictions on the production of American energy – including [[w:Shale energy|shale energy]] and [[w:Clean coal|clean coal]] – creating many millions of high-paying jobs. That's what we want, that's what we've been waiting for. On regulation, I will formulate a rule which says that for every one new regulation, two old regulations must be eliminated, it's so important. On [[national security]], I will ask the [[w:United States Department of Defense|Department of Defense]] and the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff to develop a comprehensive plan to protect America's vital infrastructure from cyber-attacks, and all other form of attacks. On immigration, I will direct the [[w:United States Department of Labor|Department of Labor]] to investigate all abuses of visa programs that undercut the American worker. On ethics reform, as part of our plan to Drain the Swamp, we will impose a five-year ban on executive officials becoming lobbyists after they leave the Administration – and a lifetime ban on executive officials lobbying on behalf of a foreign government. These are just a few of the steps we will take to reform Washington and rebuild our middle class. I will provide more updates in the coming days, as we work together to Make America Great Again for everyone. ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7xX_KaStFT8 A Message from President-Elect Donald J. Trump] (21 November 2016) * We are very blessed to call this nation our home. And that is what America is: it is our home. It's where we raise our families, care for our loved ones, look out for our neighbors, and live out our dreams. It is my prayer, that on this Thanksgiving, we begin to heal our divisions and move forward as one country, strengthened by a shared purpose and very, very common resolve. In declaring this national holiday, President Lincoln called upon Americans to speak with "one voice and one heart." That's just what we have to do. We have just finished a long and bruising political campaign. Emotions are raw and tensions just don't heal overnight. It doesn't go quickly, unfortunately, but we have before us the chance now to make history together to bring real change to Washington, real safety to our cities, and real prosperity to our communities, including our inner cities. So important to me, and so important to our country. But to succeed, we must enlist the effort of our entire nation. This historic political campaign is now over. Now begins a great national campaign to rebuild our country and to restore the full promise of America for all of our people. I am asking you to join me in this effort. It is time to restore the bonds of trust between citizens. Because when America is unified, there is nothing beyond our reach, and I mean absolutely nothing. Let us give thanks for all that we have, and let us boldly face the exciting new frontiers that lie ahead. Thank you. God Bless You and God Bless America. ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BUnv6Kb7syQ A Thanksgiving Message from President-Elect Donald J. Trump] (23 November 2016) =====''New York Times'' Interview (November 23, 2016)===== : <small>''{{w|New York Times}}'' Interview, [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/11/23/us/politics/trump-new-york-times-interview-transcript.html?smid=tw-share Transcript] (November 23, 2016)</small> * People are giving up tremendous careers in order to be subject to you folks and subject to a lot of other folks. But they're giving up a lot. I mean some are giving up tremendous businesses in order to sit for four or maybe eight or whatever the period of time is. But I think we're going to see some tremendous talent, tremendous talent coming in. We have many people for every job. I mean no matter what the job is, we have many incredible people. I think, [[wikipedia:Reince Priebus|Reince]], you can sort of just confirm that. The quality of the people is very good. ... We're trying very hard to get the best people. Not necessarily people that will be the most politically correct people, because that hasn't been working. So we have really experts in the field. Some are known and some are not known, but they're known within their field as being the best. That's very important to me. * I think the popular vote would have been easier in a true sense because you'd go to a few places. I think that's the genius of the [[w:United States Electoral College|Electoral College]]. I was never a fan of the Electoral College until now. * What we do want to do is we want to bring the country together, because the country is very, very divided, and that's one thing I did see, big league. It's very, very divided, and I'm going to work very hard to bring the country together. * I want to move forward, I don't want to move back. And I don't want to hurt the Clintons. I really don't. She went through a lot. And suffered greatly in many different ways. And I am not looking to hurt them at all. The campaign was vicious. They say it was the most vicious primary and the most vicious campaign. I guess, added together, it was definitely the most vicious; probably, I assume you sold a lot of newspapers. ... It's just not something that I feel very strongly about. ... I'm not looking to look back and go through this. This was a very painful period. This was a very painful election with all of the email things and all of the foundation things and all of the everything that they went through and the whole country went through. This was a very painful period of time. ** About not prosecuting Hillary Clinton. * Our country's really in bad, big trouble. We have a lot of trouble. A lot of problems. And one of the big problems, I talk about, [[divisiveness]]. I think that a lot of people will appreciate … I'm not doing it for that reason. I'm doing it because it's time to go in a different direction. * '''Clean air is vitally important. Clean water, crystal clean water is vitally important. Safety is vitally important.''' * Sometimes I'll say I'm actually an [[environmentalist]] and people will smile in some cases and other people that know me understand that's true. Open mind. * We're not a competitive nation with other nations anymore. We have to make ourselves competitive. We're not competitive for a lot of reasons. That's becoming more and more of the reason. Because a lot of these countries that we do business with, they make deals with our president, or whoever, and then they don't adhere to the deals, you know that. And it's much less expensive for their companies to produce products. So I'm going to be studying that very hard, and I think I have a very big voice in it. And I think my voice is listened to, especially by people that don't believe in it. And we'll let you know. * As far as the, you know, potential conflict of interests, though, I mean I know that from the standpoint, the law is totally on my side, meaning, the president can't have a conflict of interest. That's been reported very widely. Despite that, I don't want there to be a conflict of interest anyway. And the laws, the president can't. And I understand why the president can't have a conflict of interest now because everything a president does in some ways is like a conflict of interest. * I don't care about my company. ... Because it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters to me is running our country. * It's hard to explain. I don't care about anything having to do with anything having to do with anything other than the country. * In theory I could run my business perfectly, and then run the country perfectly. And there's never been a case like this where somebody's had, like, if you look at other people of wealth, they didn't have this kind of asset and this kind of wealth, frankly. It's just a different thing. * I've known [[Steve Bannon]] a long time. If I thought he was a [[Racism in the United States|racist]], or [[alt-right]], or any of the things that we can, you know, the terms we can use, I wouldn't even think about hiring him. First of all, I'm the one that makes the decision, not Steve Bannon or anybody else. * To me more important is taking care of the people that really have proven to be, to love Donald Trump, as opposed to the political people. And frankly if the political people don't take care of these people, they're not going to win and you're going to end up with maybe a total different kind of government than what you're looking at right now. These people are really angry. They're smart, they're workers, and they're angry. I call them the forgotten men and women. And I use that in speeches, I say they're the forgotten people — they were totally forgotten. * I would love to be able to be the one that made peace with Israel and the Palestinians. I would love that, that would be such a great achievement. Because nobody's been able to do it. ... I've had a lot of, actually, great Israeli businesspeople tell me, you can't do that, it's impossible. I disagree, I think you can make peace. I think people are tired now of being shot, killed. At some point, when do they come? I think we can do that. I have reason to believe I can do that. * [[The Times]] is, it's a great, great American jewel. A world jewel. ====December 2016==== * There is no global anthem, no global [[currency]], no certificate of global [[citizenship]], we pledge allegiance to one flag and that flag is the [[Flag of the United States|American Flag]]! ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBqIUF-cdgY#t=15m38s Thank You Tour - Cincinnati, Ohio] (1 December 2016) * Funny how that term caught on, isn't it? I tell everyone, I hated it. Somebody said 'drain the swamp' and I said, 'Oh, that is so hokey. That is so terrible.' I said, all right, I'll try it. So like a month ago I said 'drain the swamp' and the place went crazy. And I said 'Whoa, what's this?' Then I said it again. And then I start saying it like I meant it, right? And then I started to love it, and the place loved it. Drain the swamp. It's true. It's true. Drain the swamp. ** [http://www.cnbc.com/2016/12/21/trump-adviser-says-he-is-ditching-drain-the-swamp.html During a rally in Des Moines, Iowa] (December 2016) * We will pursue a new foreign policy that finally learns from the mistakes of the past. We will stop looking to topple regimes and overthrow governments. ... Our goal is stability, not chaos, because we want to rebuild our country. It's time. ** Speaking at U.S. Bank Arena, quoted in {{citation |date=2016-12-01 |title=Trump's new foreign policy: 'We will stop looking to topple regimes' |author=Anna Giaritelli |periodical={{w|Washington Examiner}} |url=http://www.washingtonexaminer.com/trumps-new-foreign-policy-we-will-stop-looking-to-topple-regimes/article/2608687}} ===2017=== {| style="float:center; background:none;border: 1px solid silver;{{Border-radius|35px}}; margin:15px; background-color:#F6F6F6;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122);" |- |<div id="articlecount" style="width:100%; text-align:center; font-size:105%;"> 20 January 2017 [[File:Seal of the President of the United States.svg|20px]] - Donald Trump's presidency began</div> |- |} ====January 2017==== * '''Reporter:''' Would a reasonable observer say that you are potentially vulnerable to blackmail by Russia or by its [[Espionage|intelligence]] agencies?<br>'''Trump:''' Lemme just tell you what I do. When I leave our country, I'm a very high-profile person, would you say? I am extremely careful. I'm surrounded by bodyguards. I'm surrounded by people. And I always tell them—anywhere, but I always tell them if I'm leaving this country, "Be very careful, because in your hotel rooms and no matter where you go, you're gonna probably have cameras." I'm not referring just to Russia, but I would certainly put them in that category. And number one, "I hope you're gonna be good anyway. But in those rooms, you have cameras in the strangest places. Cameras that are so small with modern technology, you can't see them and you won't know. You better be careful, or you'll be watching yourself on nightly television." I tell this to people all the time. I was in Russia years ago, with the Miss Universe contest, which did very well—Moscow, the Moscow area did very, very well. And I told many people, "Be careful, because you don't wanna see yourself on television. Cameras all over the place."<br>And again, not just Russia, all over. Does anyone really believe that story? I'm also very much of a germaphobe, by the way, believe me. ** [https://www.nytimes.com/2017/01/11/us/politics/trump-press-conference-transcript.html, Donald Trump Press Conference at Trump Tower] (11 January 2017) [[File:Donald_Trump_delivering_inauguration_speech_01-20-17_(cropped).jpg|thumb|From this moment on, it's going to be America First.]][[File:2017_Presidential_Inauguration_CV6A0663.jpg|thumb|I looked out, the field was, looked like million, million and a half people.]] * I looked out, the field was, looked like million, million and a half people. They showed a field where there was practically nobody standing there. And they said, "Donald Trump did not draw well." I said, "It was almost raining!" The rain should've scared them away but God looked down and said we're not going to let it rain on your speech. ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GMBqDN7-QLg Trump speaking at the CIA Headquarters about his inauguration crowd and the press coverage], FOX 10 Phoenix (21 January 2017) *The old expression, ‘to the victor belong the spoils’—you remember. I always used to say, keep the oil. I wasn’t a fan of Iraq. I didn’t want to go into Iraq. But I will tell you, when we were in, we got out wrong. And I always said, in addition to that, keep the oil. Now, I said it for economic reasons. But if you think about it, Mike, if we kept the oil you probably wouldn’t have ISIS because that’s where they made their money in the first place. So we should have kept the oil. But okay. Maybe you’ll have another chance. But the fact is, should have kept the oil. **Speech to the CIA, [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/trump-cia-speech-transcript/ 23 January 2017] * But when you look at this tremendous sea of love — I call it a "sea of love" — it's really something special. ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RDvoBoxv028 Trump describing a framed photograph of his inauguration crowd during an interview with David Muir], ABC (25 January 2017) * [About David Becker] He's grovelling again. You know, I always talk about the reporters that grovel when they want to write something that you want to hear but not necessarily millions of people want to hear or have to hear. ** [http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-38764653/ "Trump's voter fraud talk has liberals worried"], BBC (27 January 2017) * We want to ensure that we are not admitting into our country the very threats our soldiers are fighting overseas. ** [http://edition.cnn.com/2017/01/27/politics/trump-plans-to-sign-executive-action-on-refugees-extreme-vetting/ "Trump signs executive order to keep out 'radical Islamic terrorists'"], CNN (27 January 2017) * I've always felt the need to pray...I would say that the office is so powerful that you need God even more. ** [http://www1.cbn.com/cbnnews/entertainment/2017/january/worship-artist-credits-psalms-91-for-miraculous-cancer-healing Trump's interview with David Brody], CBN News (29 January 2017) =====Inaugural address, (January 20, 2017)===== <small>[https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefings-statements/the-inaugural-address/ Transcript] (January 20, 2017)</small> *[[John Roberts|Chief Justice Roberts]], [[Jimmy Carter|President Carter]], President Clinton, President Bush, President Obama, fellow Americans, and people of the world: Thank you. We, the citizens of America, are now joined in a great national effort to rebuild our country and restore its promise for all of our people. Together, we will determine the course of America and the world for many, many years to come. We will face challenges, we will confront hardships, but we will get the job done. Every 4 years, we gather on these steps to carry out the orderly and peaceful transfer of power, and we are grateful to President Obama and [[Michelle Obama|First Lady Michelle Obama]] for their gracious aid throughout this transition. They have been magnificent. Thank you. * Today's ceremony, however, has very special meaning. '''Because today we are not merely transferring power from one administration to another or from one party to another, but we are transferring power from Washington, DC, and giving it back to you, the people. For too long, a small group in our Nation's Capital has reaped the rewards of Government while the people have borne the cost. Washington flourished, but the people did not share in its wealth.''' '''Politicians prospered, but the jobs left, and the factories closed. The establishment protected itself, but not the citizens of our country.''' '''Their victories have not been your victories; their triumphs have not been your triumphs; and while they celebrated in our Nation's Capital, there was little to celebrate for struggling families all across our land.''' That all changes, starting right here and right now, because this moment is your moment: It belongs to you. It belongs to everyone gathered here today and everyone watching all across America. This is your day. This is your celebration. And this, the United States of America, is your country. What truly matters is not which party controls our Government, but whether our Government is controlled by the people. '''January 20, 2017, will be remembered as the day the people became the rulers of this Nation again. The forgotten men and women of our country will be forgotten no longer. Everyone is listening to you now.''' * '''You came by the tens of millions to become part of a historic movement the likes of which the world has never seen before. At the center of this movement is a crucial conviction: that a nation exists to serve its citizens.''' Americans want great schools for their children, safe neighborhoods for their families, and good jobs for themselves. These are just and reasonable demands of righteous people and a righteous public. But for too many of our citizens, a different reality exists: Mothers and children trapped in poverty in our inner cities; rusted-out factories scattered like tombstones across the landscape of our Nation; an [[Education in the United States|education system]], flush with cash, but which leaves our young and beautiful students deprived of all knowledge; and the crime and the gangs and the drugs that have stolen too many lives and robbed our country of so much unrealized potential. This American carnage stops right here and stops right now. We are one Nation, and their pain is our pain, their dreams are our dreams, and their success will be our success. We share one heart, one home, and one glorious destiny. The oath of office I take today is an oath of allegiance to all Americans. * For many decades, we've enriched foreign industry at the expense of American industry, subsidized the armies of other countries while allowing for the very sad depletion of our military. We've defended other nations' borders while refusing to defend our own and spent trillions and trillions of dollars overseas while America's infrastructure has fallen into disrepair and decay. We've made other countries rich while the wealth, strength, and confidence of our country has dissipated over the horizon. One by one, the factories shuttered and left our shores, with not even a thought about the millions and millions of American workers that were left behind. The wealth of our middle class has been ripped from their homes and then redistributed all across the world. But that is the past. And now we are looking only to the future. '''We, assembled here today, are issuing a new decree to be heard in every city, in every foreign capital, and in every hall of power. From this day forward, a new vision will govern our land. From this this day forward, it's going to be only America first. America first.''' Every decision on trade, on taxes, on immigration, on foreign affairs, will be made to benefit American workers and American families. * We must protect our borders from the ravages of other countries making our products, stealing our companies, and destroying our jobs. Protection will lead to great prosperity and strength. I will fight for you with every breath in my body, and I will never, ever let you down. America will start winning again, winning like never before. We will bring back our jobs. We will bring back our borders. We will bring back our wealth. And we will bring back our dreams. We will build new roads and highways and bridges and airports and tunnels and railways all across our wonderful Nation. We will get our people off of welfare and back to work, rebuilding our country with American hands and American labor. We will follow two simple rules: Buy American and hire American. We will seek friendship and good will with the nations of the world, but we do so with the understanding that it is the right of all nations to put their own interests first. We do not seek to impose our way of life on anyone, but rather to let it shine as an example—we will shine—for everyone to follow. '''We will reinforce old alliances and form new ones and unite the civilized world against radical Islamic terrorism, which we will eradicate completely from the face of the Earth.''' '''At the bedrock of our politics will be a total allegiance to the United States of America, and through our loyalty to our country, we will rediscover our loyalty to each other. When you open your heart to patriotism, there is no room for prejudice. [[The Bible]] tells us, "How good and pleasant it is when God's people live together in unity." We must speak our minds openly, debate our disagreements honestly, but always pursue solidarity. When America is united, America is totally unstoppable.''' There should be no fear: We are protected, and we will always be protected. We will be protected by the great men and women of our military and law enforcement, and most importantly, we will be protected by God. * Finally, we must think big and dream even bigger. In America, we understand that a nation is only living as long as it is striving. We will no longer accept politicians who are all talk and no action, constantly complaining, but never doing anything about it. The time for empty talk is over. Now arrives the hour of action. Do not allow anyone to tell you that it cannot be done. No challenge can match the heart and fight and spirit of America. We will not fail. Our country will thrive and prosper again. We stand at the birth of a new millennium, ready to unlock the mysteries of space, to free the Earth from the miseries of disease, and to harness the energies, industries, and [[Technology|technologies]] of tomorrow. A new national pride will stir our souls, lift our sights, and heal our divisions. * It's time to remember that old wisdom our soldiers will never forget: that whether we are Black or Brown or White, we all bleed the same red blood of patriots, we all enjoy the same glorious freedoms, and we all salute the same great American flag. And whether a child is born in the urban sprawl of [[Detroit]] or the windswept plains of [[w:Nebraska|Nebraska]], they look up at the same night sky, they fill their heart with the same dreams, and they are infused with the breath of life by the same almighty Creator. So to all Americans in every city near and far, small and large, from mountain to mountain, from ocean to ocean, hear these words: You will never be ignored again. Your voice, your hopes, and your dreams will define our American destiny. And your courage and goodness and love will forever guide us along the way. '''Together, we will make America strong again. We will make America wealthy again. We will make America proud again. We will make America safe again. And, yes, together, we will make America great again.''' Thank you. God bless you, and God bless America. Thank you. God bless America. ====February 2017==== * I am very proud now that we have a museum on the National Mall where people can learn about [[Reverend King]], so many other things, [[Frederick Douglass]] is an example of somebody who’s done an amazing job and is getting recognized more and more, I notice. [[Harriet Tubman]], [[Rosa Parks]], and millions more black Americans who made [[America] what it is today. Big impact ** [https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2017/02/frederick-douglass-trump/515292/ Donald Trump's Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass] February 1, 2017 *As we celebrate National African American History Month, we recognize the heritage and achievements of African Americans. The contributions African Americans have made and continue to make are an integral part of our society, and the history of African Americans exemplifies the resilience and innovative spirit that continue to make our Nation great **[https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/president-donald-j-trump-proclaims-february-national-african-american-history-month/ 2 February 2017] * For us here in Washington, we must never ever stop asking God for the wisdom to serve the public according to His will. But we had tremendous success on ''The Apprentice'' and, when I ran for President, I had to leave the show, that's when I knew for sure I was doing it, and they hired a big, big movie star, [[Arnold Schwarzenegger]], to take my place, and we know how that turned out. The ratings went right down the tubes, it's been a total disaster, and [[w:Mark Burnett|Mark [Burnett]]] will never, ever bet against Trump again, and I want to just pray for Arnold, if we can, for those rating, OK? ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyxacu5AslI Trump's "National Prayer Breakfast" speech] (2 February 2017) * We have to be tough. It's time we're going to be a little bit tough, folks. We're taken advantage by every nation in the world, virtually. It's not going to happen anymore. ** [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2017/feb/02/donald-trump-australia-refugees-malcolm-turnbull-phone-call White House suggests US may still accept Australia refugees despite clash] (2 February 2017) * It's gotten to a point where it's not even being reported, and in many cases the very, very dishonest press doesn't want to report it. They have their reasons and you understand that. ** [http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-38890090 Trump on the reporting of terrorist attacks during a speech given at MacDill Air Force Base] (6 February 2017) * Who is the state senator? Do you want to give me his name? We'll destroy his career. ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z1SKm1hTWq0 Trump responding to Sheriff Harold Eavenson's statement] about a Texas state senator proposing legislation to require convictions before sheriffs could receive forfeiture money. (7 February 2017) * I listened to a panel of judges and I'll comment on that — I will not comment on the statements made by, um, certainly one judge — but I have to be honest that if these judges wanted to, in my opinion, help the court, in terms of respect for the court, they'd do what they should be doing. I mean it's so sad, they should be, you know, when you read something so simple, and so beautifully written, and so perfectly written — other than the one statement, of course, having to do with "he" or "she" — but when you read something so perfectly written, and so clear to anybody, and then you have lawyers and you watched, I watched last night in amazement, and I heard things that I couldn't believe, things that really had nothing to do with what I just read, and I don't ever want to call a court biased, so I won't call it biased, and we haven't had a decision yet, but courts seem to be so political, and it would be so great for our justice system if they would be able to read a statement and do what's right. * Every child in America should be able to play outside without fear, walk home without danger, and attend a school without being worried about drugs or gangs or violence. ** [https://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2017/02/08/remarks-president-trump-mcca-winter-conference Remarks by President Trump at MCCA Winter Conference] (8 February 2017) * Well I just want to say that we are, you know, very honored by the victory that we had, 306 electoral college votes, we were not supposed to crack 220, you [turning to the [[Benjamin Netanyahu|Israeli PM]]] know that right? There was no way to 221, but then they said there's no way to 270 [Netanyahu tries to respond, but Trump continues, so then mouths "I thought he was talking to me"] and there's tremendous enthusiasm out there. I will say that, um, we are going to have peace, in this country, we are going to stop crime, in this country, we are going to do everything within our power to stop long-simmering racism, and every other thing that's going on, because a lot of bad things have been taking place over a long period of time. I think one of the reasons I won the election is we have a very, very divided nation, very divided, and hopefully I'll be able to do something about that, and I, you know, it's something that was very important to me. As far as people, Jewish people, so many friends, a daughter who happens to be here right now, a son-in-law, and three beautiful grandchildren, I think that you're going to see a lot different United States of America over the next three, four, or eight years, er, I think a lot of good things are happening, and you're going to see a lot of love, you're going to see a lot of love. ** Trump responding to a reporter's question about rising anti-Semitic incidents and a perception of xenophobia in his administration, during a [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SmfseeZt5fA joint press conference with Benjamin Netanyahu, Prime Minister of Israel] (15 February 2017) * The press has become so dishonest that if we don't talk about, we are doing a tremendous disservice to the American people. Tremendous disservice. We have to talk to find out what's going on, because the press honestly is out of control. The level of dishonesty is out of control. * I guess it was the [[wikipedia:List_of_United_States_presidential_elections_by_Electoral_College_margin|biggest Electoral College win]] since Ronald Reagan. * This administration is running like a fine-tuned machine. [[File:Michael_Flynn_(30020745053).jpg|thumb|Mike Flynn is a fine person, and I asked for his resignation.]] * [[Michael T. Flynn|Mike Flynn]] is a fine person, and I asked for his resignation. He respectfully gave it. He is a man who there was a certain amount of information given to [[Mike Pence|Vice President Pence]], who is with us today. And I was not happy with the way that information was given. He didn't have to do that, because what he did wasn't wrong. What he did in terms of the information he saw. What was wrong was the way that other people, including yourselves in this room, were given that information, because that was classified information that was given illegally. That's the real problem. * Look, when I go to rallies, they turn around, they start screaming at [[CNN]]. They want to throw their placards at CNN. You know. I think you would do much better by being different. * Tomorrow, they will say, "Donald Trump rants and raves at the press." I'm not ranting and raving. I'm just telling you. You know, you're dishonest people. But, but I'm not ranting and raving. I love this. I'm having a good time doing it. But tomorrow, the headlines are going to be, "Donald Trump rants and raves." I'm not ranting and raving. [[File:HEUraniumC.jpg|thumb|You know what uranium is, right? It's a thing called nuclear weapons and other things like lots of things are done with uranium including some bad things.]] * You know what [[w:Uranium|uranium]] is, right? It's a thing called [[nuclear weapons]] and other things like lots of things are done with uranium including some bad things. * In the meantime, [[Mosul]] is very, very difficult. Do you know why? Because I don't talk about military, and I don't talk about certain other things, you're going to be surprised to hear that. And by the way, my whole campaign, I'd say that. So I don't have to tell you. I don't want to be one of these guys that say, "Yes, here's what we're going to do." I don't have to do that. I don't have to tell you what I'm going to do in [[North Korea]]. Wait a minute. I don't have to tell you what I'm going to do in North Korea. And I don't have to tell you what I'm going to do with Iran. You know why? Because they shouldn't know. And eventually, you guys are going to get tired of asking that question. * Where are you from? [The reporter responds that he is from the BBC] Here's another beauty. * Do you want to set up the meeting? Are they friends of yours? [Addressing an African-American reporter and referring to the [[w:Congressional_Black_Caucus|Congressional Black Caucus]]] ** [https://www.nytimes.com/2017/02/16/us/politics/donald-trump-press-conference-transcript.html?_r=0 Comments made during a news conference at the White House] (16 February 2017) *I am the least anti-Semitic person that you’ve ever seen in your entire life **17 February 2017 per [https://www.cnbc.com/2017/02/16/donald-trump-i-am-the-least-anti-semitic-racist-person-that-youve-ever-seen.html CNBC] * You look at what's happening {{w|last night in Sweden}}. Sweden! Who would believe this, Sweden! They took in large numbers, they're having problems like they never thought possible. ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AMLK15edOUY Trump speaking at mass rally of his supporters in Melbourne, Florida] (18 February 2017) * And I want you all to know that we are fighting the [[fake news]]. It's fake, phony, fake. A few days ago I called the fake news the [[wikipedia:enemy of the people|enemy of the people]], and they are, they are the enemy of the people. * They shouldn't be allowed to use sources unless they use somebody's name. Let their name be put out there. Let their name be put out. * I love [[Sweden]], great country, great people, I love Sweden. But they understand, the people over there understand I'm right. Take a look at [[wikipedia:Crime in Sweden|what's happening in Sweden]]. * I have a friend, he's a very, very substantial guy. He loves the city of lights, he loves [[Paris]]. For years, every year during the summer, he would go to Paris, was automatic with his wife and his family. Hadn't seen him in a while and I said, Jim, let me ask you a question, how's Paris doing? "Paris? I don't go there anymore, Paris is no longer Paris." ** [http://time.com/4682023/cpac-donald-trump-speech-transcript/ Trump speaking at the annual Conservative Political Action Conference] (24 February 2017) * It's an unbelievably complex subject. Nobody knew healthcare could be so complicated. ** [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/video/2017/feb/27/trump-healthcare-complicated-budget-video Speaking at the National Governors Association meeting at the White House] (27 February 2017) *Nations around the world, like [[Canada]], [[Australia]] and many others – have a merit-based immigration system. It is a basic principle that those seeking to enter a country ought to be able to support themselves financially,<br>Yet, in America, we do not enforce this rule, straining the very public resources that our poorest citizens rely upon.<br>..<br>With the help of Prime Minister [[Justin Trudeau]], we have formed a Council with our neighbors in Canada to help ensure that women entrepreneurs have access to the networks, markets and capital they need to start a business and live out their financial dreams<br>..<br>America respects the right of all nations to chart their own path. My job is not to represent the world. My job is to represent the United States of America<br>..<br>It is not compassionate, but reckless, to allow uncontrolled entry from places where proper vetting cannot occur,<br>We cannot allow a beachhead of terrorism to form inside America -- we cannot allow our nation to become a sanctuary for extremists. **[https://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/world/us-politics/donald-trump-congress-speech-immigration/article34158135/ 28 February 2017, per Globe and Mail] ====March 2017==== * As we stand together with our Irish friends, I'm reminded of that proverb – and this is a good one, this is one I like, I've heard it for many many years and I love it – "Always remember to forget the friends that proved untrue, but never forget to remember those that have stuck by you." We know that, politically speaking, a lot of us know that, we know it well, it's a great phrase. ** [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2017/mar/17/trumps-irish-proverb-causes-derision-on-the-web Trump speaking during a visit of Enda Kenny, the then Irish head of government] (17 March 2017) ====April 2017==== *Let's fucking kill him! Let's go in. Let's kill the fucking lot of them. **About [[Bashar al-Assad]], as quoted in [https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/bob-woodwards-new-book-reveals-a-nervous-breakdown-of-trumps-presidency/2018/09/04/b27a389e-ac60-11e8-a8d7-0f63ab8b1370_story.html?noredirect=on&utm_term=.f1bf8ed6690c "Bob Woodward's new book reveals a ‘nervous breakdown' of Trump's presidency"] (4 September 2018), by Philip Rucker and Robert Costa, ''The Washington Post'' *Today's chemical attack in Syria against innocent people, including women and children, is reprehensible and cannot be ignored by the civilized world. These heinous actions by the [[Bashar al-Assad]] regime are a consequence of the past administration's weakness and irresolution. President Obama said in 2012 that he would establish a "red line" against the use of chemical weapons and then did nothing. The United States stands with our allies across the globe to condemn this intolerable attack. **[https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/statement-the-chemical-weapons-attack-khan-sheikhoun-syria Statement on the Chemical Weapons Attack in Khan Sheikhoun, Syria], ''American Presidency Project'', (6 September 2017) * It was a slow and brutal death for so many…Even beautiful babies were cruelly murdered in this very barbaric attack. ** President Trump on Syria's chemical weapons attack, [http://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/trump-blasts-syria-murdering-civilians-u-s-strike-article-1.3027449 "President Trump blasts Syria for 'cruelly murdering' its own people as U.S. fires at least 50 missiles at airfield"], 6 April 2017. * We had finished dinner. We're now having dessert. And we had the most beautiful piece of chocolate cake that you've ever seen and President [[Xi Jinping|Xi]] was enjoying it. * So what happens is, I said we've just launched 59 missiles heading to Iraq. [Interviewer interrupts to correct him] Yes, heading toward Syria. ** President Trump explaining his decision to launch a missile strike while dining with Chinese President Xi Jinping, [http://www.cnn.com/2017/04/12/politics/donald-trump-xi-jingping-syria-chocolate-cake/ "Trump, Xi talked Syria strike over 'beautiful' chocolate cake"], 12 April 2017. * So this is promoting agriculture and rural prosperity in America. And, now, there's a lot of words I won't bother reading everything. ** [https://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2017/04/25/remarks-president-trump-farmers-roundtable-and-executive-order-signing Remarks by President Trump in Farmers Roundtable and Executive Order Signing Promoting Agriculture and Rural Prosperity in America] (April 25, 2017) [[File:Shinzō_Abe_and_Donald_Trump_in_Palm_Beach_(3).jpeg|thumb|I thought it would be easier.]] * I thought it would be easier. ** [http://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-trump-100days-idUSKBN17U0CA Trump discussing his first 100 days in interview with Reuters] (April 27, 2017) * I think we've done more than perhaps any president in the first 100 days.... Not since [President] [[Harry Truman]] has anybody done so much. ** Interview with President Trump, [http://www.washingtonexaminer.com/full-interview-with-president-trump-on-his-first-100-days/article/2621516 "Full interview with President Trump on his first 100 days"], 28 April 2017. ====May 2017==== * People don't realize, you know, the [[American Civil War|Civil War]], if you think about it, why? ** [http://www.nbcnews.com/politics/politics-news/trump-why-couldn-t-civil-war-have-been-avoided-n753241 Trump: Why Couldn't the Civil War Have Been Avoided?] (May 1, 2017) * No American should be forced to choose between the dictates of the federal government and the tenets of their faith. ** [http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2017/05/04/what-trump-understands-about-religious-liberty-in-america.html What Trump understands about religious liberty in America?] (May 4, 2017) [[File:James_Comey_official_portrait.jpg|thumb|I just fired the head of the F.B.I. He was crazy, a real nut job.]] * I just fired the [[James Comey|head of the F.B.I.]] He was crazy, a real nut job.<br>..<br>I faced great pressure because of Russia. That's taken off.<br>..<br>I'm not under investigation. ** [https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/19/us/politics/trump-russia-comey.html Part of Trump's conversation with Russian officials invited to the White House], according to the official account of the meeting (10 May 2017) * Have you heard that expression used before? Because I haven't heard it. I mean, I just... I came up with it a couple of days ago and I thought it was good. It's what you have to do. ** [http://www.economist.com/Trumptranscript Trump claiming to have invented the term "prime the pump"] in the context of [[wikipedia:Stimulus_(economics)|economic stimulus]] during an interview published in [[The Economist]] (11 May 2017) * And in fact, when I decided to just do it, I said to myself, I said, "You know, this Russia thing, with Trump and Russia, is a made-up story, it's an excuse by the Democrats for having lost an election." ** [http://www.nbcnews.com/nightly-news/video/president-trump-this-russia-thing-is-a-made-up-story-941962819745 Trump admitting in an interview with NBC's Lester Holt] that annoyance at federal investigations was a motivation for firing FBI Director James Comey (11 May 2017) * Nothing is easier or more pathetic than being a critic. Because they're people that can't get the job done. But the future belongs to the dreamers, not to the critics. The future belongs to the people who follow their heart no matter what the critics say. ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B421uhrOV-o&feature=youtu.be&t=12m34s Liberty University commencement speech] (13 May 2017) * Look at the way I have been treated lately, especially by the media. No politician in history, and I say this with great surety, has been treated worse, or more unfairly. ** [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/video/2017/may/17/donald-trump-media-coast-guard-speech-video Trump being a critic of the media during his speech at the US Coast Guard Academy commencement ceremony] (17 May 2017) * Oh my God. This is terrible. '''This is the end of my Presidency. I'm fucked.''' ** On the appointment of a special counsel in the Russia investigation. As quoted in [[:commons:File:Report On The Investigation Into Russian Interference In The 2016 Presidential Election.pdf|"Report On The Investigation Into Russian Interference In The 2016 Presidential Election"]] by Robert S. Mueller III, Volume II, page 78. * So many young, beautiful, innocent people living and enjoying their lives murdered by evil losers in life, I won't call them monsters because they would like that term. They would think that's a great name. I will call them from now on losers because that's what they are. They're losers. And we'll have more of them. But they're losers—just remember that. ** [https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2017/05/trump-manchester-losers/527745/] ====June 2017==== * I was elected represent the citizens of [[Pittsburgh]], not Paris. ** [https://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2017/06/01/statement-president-trump-paris-climate-accord Statement by President Trump on the Paris Climate Accord], announcing his intention to withdraw the US from the {{w|Paris Agreement}} (1 June 2017) * History is written by the dreamers, not the doubters. [[File:Family trump in the Easter Egg Roll (cropped).jpg|thumb|I love all people, rich or poor, but in those particular positions I just don't want a poor person.]] * I love all people, rich or poor, but in those particular positions I just don't want a poor person. * We're thinking about building the wall as a solar wall, so it [[wikipedia:Conservation of energy|creates energy]], and pays for itself. And this way Mexico will have to pay much less money, and that's good, right, is that good? You're the first group I've told that to, a solar wall, makes sense, let's see, we're working it out, we'll see, solar wall, panels, beautiful. I mean actually think of it, the higher it goes the more valuable it is, it's like... pretty good imagination ''[points to his own head]'', right, good? My idea. ** [http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2017/06/21/president-trump-holds-iowa-rally-live-blog.html President Trump Holds a Rally in Cedar Rapids, Iowa] (21 June 2017) * Well I didn't tape him — you never know what's happening, when you see that the Obama administration, and perhaps longer than that, was doing all of this unmasking and, er, surveillance, and you read all about it, and I've been reading about for the last couple of months about the seriousness of the, and horrible situation, with surveillance all over the place, and you've been hearing the word 'unmasking', a word you probably never heard before, so you never know what's out there — but I didn't tape, and I don't have any tape, and I didn't tape. * Well, er, it wasn't, er, it wasn't very stupid, I can tell you that. ''[In response to the interviewer suggesting that his tweeting that there were tapes was a smart tactic]'' ** [http://insider.foxnews.com/2017/06/23/trump-comey-tapes-tweet-mueller-probe-fox-friends-interview Trump interviewed by Ainsley Earhardt on Fox & Friends] (23 June 2017) * I heard poorly rated [[Joe Scarborough|@Morning_Joe]] speaks badly of me (don't watch anymore). Then how come low I.Q. Crazy Mika, along with Psycho Joe, came to Mar-a-Lago 3 nights in a row around New Year's Eve, and insisted on joining me. She was bleeding badly from a face-lift. I said no! ** [https://www.nytimes.com/2017/06/29/business/media/trump-mika-brzezinski-facelift.html Trump Mocks Mika Brzezinski] (29 June 2017) [[File:Donald_Trump_(29273256122)_-_Cropped.jpg|thumb|The human soul yearns for discovery. By unlocking the mysteries of the universe, we unlock truths within ourselves.]] * The human soul yearns for discovery. By unlocking the mysteries of the universe, we unlock truths within ourselves. That's true. Our journey into space will not only make us stronger and more prosperous, but will unite us behind grand ambitions and bring us all closer together. Wouldn't that be nice? Can you believe that space is going to do that? I thought politics would do that. (Laughter.) Well, we'll have to rely on space instead. * Every launch into the skies is another step forward toward a future where our differences seem small against the vast expanse of our common [[humanity]]. Sometimes you have to view things from a distance in order to see the real truth. It is America's destiny to be at the forefront of humanity's eternal quest for knowledge and to be the leader amongst nations on our adventure into the great unknown. * [[Space]]. A lotta room out there, right? ''[Buzz Aldrin interjects: To infinity and beyond!]'' This is [[infinity]], it could be infinity, we don't really don't know, but it could be, there's gotta be something, but it could be infinity, right? ** [https://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2017/06/30/remarks-president-signing-executive-order-national-space-council Trump speaking while signing an Executive Order on the National Space Council] (30 June 2017) ====July 2017==== * The fundamental question of our time is whether the West has the will to survive. Do we have the confidence in our values to defend them at any cost? Do we have enough respect for our citizens to protect our borders? Do we have the desire and the courage to preserve our civilization in the face of those who would subvert and destroy it? ** [https://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2017/07/06/remarks-president-trump-people-poland-july-6-2017 Remarks by President Trump to the People of Poland] (6 July 2017) * ...let Obamacare fail, it will be a lot easier. And I think we're probably in that position where we'll let Obamacare fail. We're not going to own it. I'm not going to own it. I can tell you the Republicans are not going to own it. We'll let Obamacare fail, and then the Democrats are going to come to us. ** White House press conference, {{#formatdate:2017-07-18}}, quoted in {{citation|date=2017-07-18|author=Thomas Kaplan|title=‘Let Obamacare Fail,’ Trump Says as G.O.P. Health Bill Collapses|periodical=New York Times|url=https://www.nytimes.com/2017/07/18/us/politics/republicans-obamacare-repeal-now-replace-later.html}} * I am disappointed in the [[w:United States Attorney General|Attorney General]], he should not have [[wikipedia:Judicial_disqualification|recused himself]], almost immediately after he took office, and if he was going to recuse himself he should have told me prior to taking office, and I would have quite simply picked somebody else, so I think that's a bad thing, not for the President but for the presidency, I think it's unfair to the presidency, and that's the way I feel. ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZgImDKyPZwg Trump responding to a question] about [[Jeff Sessions]] in a White House press briefing (25 July 2017) * I said please [[w:Police brutality in the United States|don't be too nice]]. Like when you guys put somebody in the car, and you're protecting their head, you know, the way you put the hand over, like, don't hit their head, and they've just killed somebody, don't hit their head? I said, you can take the hand away, OK. ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NFgjNPiq9Cw Speaking to police officers] at Suffolk County Community College, Long Island (28 July 2017) =====2017 National Scout Jamboree (July 24, 2017)===== <small>[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TplF26czQVE Trump inspiring young people at the 2017 National Scout Jamboree] (24 July 2017)</small> * I said, who the hell wants to speak about politics when I'm in front of the boy scouts, right? * You know, I go to Washington and I see all these politicians, and I see the swamp, and it's not a good place, in fact, today I said we ought to change it from the word 'swamp' to the word 'cesspool' or perhaps to the word 'sewer'. But it's not good, not good. * Secretary [[Tom Price (U.S. politician)|Tom Price]] is also here. Today Dr. Price still lives the scout oath, helping to keep millions of Americans strong and healthy as our Secretary of Health and Human Services, and he's doing a great job. And, hopefully, he's going to get the votes tomorrow to start our path toward killing this horrible thing known as Obamacare that's really hurting us, folks. By the way, you going to get the votes? He better get them. He better get them. Oh, he better, otherwise I'll say, "Tom, you're fired." * Turn those cameras back there, please, that is so incredible. By the way, what do you think the chances are that this incredible, massive crowd, record-setting is going to be shown on television tonight? 1% or zero? The fake media will say, "President Trump", and you know what this is, "President Trump spoke before a small crowd of boy scouts today." * By the way, just a question, did President Obama ever come to a jamboree? * And you know we have a tremendous disadvantage in the electoral college, popular vote is much easier. ====August 2017==== * [[North Korea]] best not make any more {{w|Nuclear power in North Korea|threats to the United States}}. They will be met with '''fire and fury like the world has never seen'''. He has been very threatening beyond a normal state. They will be met with '''fire, fury, and frankly power''' the likes of which this world has never seen before. ** Comment on North Korean nuclear tests, made during a public meeting on the {{W|opioid epidemic}}. ** [http://www.cnn.com/2017/08/09/politics/trump-fire-fury-improvise-north-korea/index.html Trump's 'fire and fury' remark was improvised but familiar], CNN. August 9, 2017. * We condemn in the strongest possible terms this egregious display of hatred, bigotry and violence on many sides, on many sides [repeat intentional]. This had been going on for a long time in our country. Not Donald Trump, not Barack Obama. A long, long time. ** First statement regarding White Nationalist Rally terrorism in Charlottesville, VA. [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2017/aug/12/charlottesville-protest-trump-condemns-violence-many-sides]. The Guardian. (12 August 2017) * [[Racism]] is evil -- and those who cause violence in its name are criminals and thugs, including [[Ku Klux Klan|KKK]], [[neo-Nazis]], [[White supremacy|white supremacists]], and other hate groups are repugnant to everything we hold dear as Americans. Those who spread violence in the name of bigotry strike at the very core of America. As a candidate I promised to restore law and order to our country and our federal [[Law enforcement in the United States|law enforcement]] agencies are following through on that pledge. We will spare no resource in fighting so that every American child can grow up free from violence and fear. We will defend and protect the sacred rights of all Americans and we will work together so that every citizen in this blessed land is free to follow their dreams, in their hearts, and to express the love and joy in our souls. ** Subsequent statement regarding the violence at a [[wikipedia:far-right|far-right]] [[wikipedia:2017 Unite the Right rally|Charlottesville, VA rally]] held on August 11-12, 2017; [http://www.cnn.com/2017/08/14/politics/trump-condemns-charlottesville-attackers/index.html Trump calls KKK, neo-Nazis, white supremacists 'repugnant'] (14 August 2017) * '''Yes, I think there's blame on both sides, you look at, you look at both sides, I think there's blame on both sides, and I have no doubt about it, and you don't have any doubt about it either.''' And if you reported it accurately, you would say...[Reporter: The neo-Nazis started this thing. They showed up in Charlottesville. They... (Reporters crosstalk)] Excuse me. Excuse me. '''They didn't put themselves down as [[neo-Nazis]].''' And you had some very bad people in that group. '''But you also had people that were very fine people, on both sides.''' You had people in that group — excuse me, excuse me — I saw the same pictures as you did. You had people in that group that were there to protest the taking down of, to them, a very, very important statue and the renaming of a park from [[Robert E. Lee]] to another name. [Reporters crosstalk] [[George Washington]] was a slave owner. Was George Washington a slave owner? So will George Washington now lose his status? Are we going to take down — excuse me — are we going to take down, are we going to take down statues to George Washington? How about [[Thomas Jefferson]]? What do you think of Thomas Jefferson? You like him. Good. Are we going to take down his statue, because he was a major slave-owner? Are we going to take down his statue? So you know what, it's fine. You are changing history, you are changing culture. You had people — and '''I'm not talking about the neo-Nazis and the white nationalists, because they should be condemned totally''' — but you had '''many people in that group other than neo-Nazis and [[White nationalism|white nationalists]]''', OK? And the press has treated them absolutely unfairly. Now, in the other group also, you had some fine people but you also had troublemakers and you see them come with '''the black outfits and with the helmets and with the baseball bats'''. You had a lot of bad people in the other group too. * The statement I made on Saturday, the first statement, was a fine statement. ** [https://www.reuters.com/article/us-virginia-protests-idUSKCN1AV0WT Trump, again, casts blame on both sides for deadly violence in Virginia] at a press briefing in Trump Tower, New York (15 August 2017) Transcripts: [https://www.cnbc.com/2017/08/15/read-the-transcript-of-donald-trumps-jaw-dropping-press-conference.html] [https://www.vox.com/2017/8/15/16154028/trump-press-conference-transcript-charlottesville] ====September 2017==== * The [[w:Venezuelan crisis|problem in Venezuela]] is not that [[socialism]] has been poorly implemented. It's that socialism has been faithfully implemented. ** In his [[wikisource:Remarks by President Trump to the 72nd Session of the United Nations General Assembly|first address to the United Nations]]. (19 September 2017) * The only thing you could do better is if you see it, even if it's one player, leave the stadium, I guarantee things will stop. Things will stop. Just pick up and leave. Pick up and leave. Not the same game anymore anyway. Wouldn't you love to see one of these [[National Football League|NFL]] owners, when somebody disrespects our flag, you'd say, 'Get that son of a bitch off the field right now. Out! He's fired. He's fired! ** Referring at a rally in Huntsville, AL to [[wikipedia:U.S. national anthem protests (2016–present)|protests by NFL players]] against the U.S. flag. ** {{citation |date=2017-09-22 |title=Donald Trump Called for NFL Players to Be Fired for National Anthem Kneeling — And They Responded |author=Aric Jenkins |periodical=Fortune |url=http://fortune.com/2017/09/23/donald-trump-nfl-players-anthem-response/}} * All appropriate departments of our government from Homeland Security to Defense are engaged fully in the disaster and the response and recovery effort probably has never been seen for something like this. This is [[Puerto Rico|an island]] surrounded by water, big water, ocean water. ** Regarding {{w|Hurricane Maria}} ** {{citation |date=2017-09-29 |title=Donald Trump says Puerto Rico is 'an island surrounded by big water' |author=Emily Shugerman |periodical=The Independent |location=UK |url=https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/donald-trump-puerto-rico-hurricane-maria-comments-island-big-water-a7975011.html}} ====October 2017==== * You guys know what this represents? Maybe it's the calm before the storm. ''[Reporter: What's the storm?]'' Could be the calm, the calm, before the storm. ''[Reporter: What storm Mr. President?]'' We have the world's great military people in this room, I'll tell you that, and we're going to have a great evening. ''[Reporter: What storm Mr. President?]'' You'll find out. ** [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-politics/wp/2017/10/06/trump-gathers-with-military-leaders-says-maybe-its-the-calm-before-the-storm/ Speaking during a photo op at the White House] (6 October 2017) * The media is — really, the word, I think one of the greatest of all terms I've come up with is "fake". I guess other people have used it, perhaps, over the years, but I've never noticed it. ** {{citation |date=2017-10-08 |title=Donald Trump defends paper towels in Puerto Rico, says Stephen Paddock was ‘probably smart' in bizarre TV interview: Analysis |author=Daniel Dale |periodical=TheStar.com |url=https://www.thestar.com/news/world/2017/10/08/donald-trump-defends-paper-towels-in-puerto-rico-says-stephen-paddock-was-probably-smart-in-bizarre-tv-interview-analysis.html}} *Chain migration is one of the disasters. You allow one person and in that one person brings in 10 or 12 people **[https://abcnews.go.com/US/times-trump-slammed-chain-migration-apparently-helped-wifes/story?id=57132429 11 October 2017] being interviewed by [[Sean Hannity]] * And we see it in the mothers and the fathers who get up at the crack of dawn; they work two jobs and sometimes three jobs. They sacrifice every day for the furniture and — future of their children. ** [https://www.palmerreport.com/opinion/random-words-donald-trump/5573/ Remarks by President Trump at the 2017 Values Voter Summit] (13 October 2017) * Just out report: "United Kingdom crime rises 13% annually amid spread of Radical Islamic terror." Not good, we must keep America safe! ** [https://www.snopes.com/trump-uk-terrorism/ Tweet by @realDonaldTrump] (20 October 2017) * We have a very good relationship. People say we have the best relationship of any President-President, because he's called President also. Now some people might call him the King of China, but he's called President. ** [https://www.realclearpolitics.com/video/2017/10/25/full_lou_dobbs_interview_trump_asks_what_could_be_more_fake_than_cbs_nbc_abc_and_cnn.html Interviewed by Lou Dobbs on Fox Business on the subject of Xi Jinping] (25 October 2017) ====November 2017==== * Why would Kim Jong-un insult me by calling me "old," when I would NEVER call him "short and fat?" Oh well, I try so hard to be his friend - and maybe someday that will happen! ** {{citation |date=2017-11-08 |title=Donald Trump calls Kim Jong-un ‘short and fat’ and says he’s ‘trying hard to be his friend’ |author=Corey Charlton |periodical=The Sun |url=https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/4895959/donald-trump-calls-kim-jong-un-short-and-fat-and-says-hes-trying-hard-to-be-his-friend/}} *India has a true friend in the [[White House]]. ** Donald Trump, November 28, 2017 [http://indianexpress.com/article/india/india-has-true-friend-at-white-house-says-ivanka-trump-at-global-entrepreneurship-summit-full-text-ivanka-trump/ Indian Express India has true friends in White House, says Ivanka Trump at Global Entrepreneurship Summit] ====December 2017==== *He killed many people, ran them over. Chain migration. According to chain migration, he may have as many as 22 to 24 people that came in with him. His grandfather, his grandmother, his mother, his father, his brother, his sisters. We have to end chain migration. We have to end chain migration. **[https://www.breitbart.com/politics/2017/12/08/trump-time-congress-adopt-pro-american-immigration-agenda/ 8 December 2017] ===2018=== ====January 2018==== * The United States has foolishly given [[Pakistan]] more than 33 billion dollars in [[Foreign aid|aid]] over the last 15 years, they have given us nothing but lies and deceit, thinking of our leaders as fools. They give safe haven to the [[Islamic terrorism|terrorists]] we hunt in [[Afghanistan]], with little help. No more! ** CNN: Trump's first 2018 tweet: Pakistan has 'given us nothing but lies & deceit' [https://edition.cnn.com/2018/01/01/politics/donald-trump-2018-pakistan/index.html], The Independent [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/donald-trump-pakistan-tweet-lies-deceit-aid-us-president-terrorism-aid-a8136516.html] * The libel laws are very weak in this country. If they were strong, it would be very helpful. You wouldn't have things like that happen where you can say whatever comes to your head. ** Response to a question regarding Michael Wolff's ''Fire and Fury'', [https://factba.se/transcript/donald-trump-remarks-questions-camp-david-gop-retreat-january-6-2018 Camp David speech] (6 January 2018) *I went from VERY successful businessman, to top T.V. Star … to President of the United States (on my first try). I think that would qualify as not smart, but genius … and a very stable genius at that! **From Twitter, quoted in [https://www.cnn.com/2018/01/06/politics/donald-trump-white-house-fitness-very-stable-genius/index.html Trump: I’m a ‘very stable genius’] ''CNN'' (6 January 2018) *I get exercise. I mean I walk, I this, I that. I run over to a building next door. I get more exercise than people think.<br>A lot of people go to the gym and they’ll work out for two hours and all. I’ve seen people ... then they get their new knees when they’re 55 years old and they get their new hips and they do all those things. I don’t have those problems.<br>I guess they all realized they’re going to have to leave it to a president that scored the highest on tests. What can I tell you?<br>I was on a treadmill for the first time actually in quite a while, and it was at a very steep angle, and I was there for a very long time.<br>They were surprised. And they said, ‘Well you can stop now, that’s amazing.’ And I said, ‘I can go much longer than this if you want me to.<br>I’ve always been more of a believer in diet ‘cause I’m strong, you know? I hit the ball far. I mean, I’m strong, physically.<br>The people that do the food at the White House are extraordinary, but I think they can maybe make the portions a little bit smaller and maybe we’ll cut out some of the more fattening ingredients, and I’m okay with that. **17 January 2018 [https://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-trump-fitness/exclusive-exercise-i-get-more-than-people-think-trump-says-idUSKBN1F633B interview with Reuters] *Right now, in a number of states, the laws allow a baby to be born from his or her mother's womb in the ninth month. It is wrong, it has to change. **As quoted in [http://mashable.com/2018/01/19/trump-march-for-life-childbirth/#NXYV1ubFzSqW "Trump just basically said he's anti-childbirth"] (19 January 2018), by Rachel Kraus, ''Mashable'' * If you're telling me they're horrible people, horrible racist people, I [[w:Non-apology apology|would certainly apologize]], if you'd like me to do that. ** [http://www.itv.com/goodmorningbritain/news/piers-morgan-donald-trump-says-sorry-to-britain Interviewed on Good Morning Britain] about his [[w:Donald_Trump_on_social_media#Britain_First_videos|retweeting of inflammatory and unverified anti-Muslim videos from Britain First]] the previous November (26 January 2018) * ''[Interviewer: Do you believe in climate change? Do you think it exists?]'' Er, there is a cooling and there is a heating, and I mean, look, [[w:Climate_change#Terminology|it used to not be climate change, it used to be global warming]]. ''[Interviewer: Right.]'' Right? That wasn't working too well, because it was getting too cold all over the place. The ice caps were going to melt, they were going to be gone by now, but now they're setting records, OK, [[w:Retreat_of_glaciers_since_1850|they're at a record level]]. ** [https://www.itv.com/news/2018-01-29/what-we-learned-from-donald-trumps-interview-with-itv/ Interviewed on British TV] (28 January 2018) *in recent weeks, two terrorist attacks in New York were made possible by the visa lottery and chain migration **[https://www.breitbart.com/live/state-union-fact-check-analysis-livewire/fact-check-yes-nyc-terrorists-entered-u-s-chain-migration-visa-lottery/ 30 January 2018] *we celebrate National African American History Month to honor the significant contributions African Americans have made to our great Nation **[https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/president-donald-j-trump-proclaims-february-2018-national-african-american-history-month/ 31 January 2018] ***reposted on Twitter [https://twitter.com/statedept/status/959192815313080323 1 Feb 2018 by @StateDept] and [https://twitter.com/whitehouse/status/959481056373149696 2 Feb 2018 by @WhiteHouse] ====February 2018==== [[File:State_of_the_Union_(39974380282).jpg|thumb|Can we call that treason, why not?]] * You've got half the room going totally crazy, wild, they loved everything, they wanna do something great for our country, and you have the other side, even on positive news, really positive news, like that, they were like death, and [[w:Un-American|un-American]], un-American. Somebody said treasonous, I mean, yeah I guess, why not? Can we call that [[w:Treason_laws_in_the_United_States|treason]], why not? ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zjwPiE1wCU0 Speaking in Cincinnati about Democrats did not clap] during his [[w:State of the Union|State of the Union Address]] (5 February 2018) *My administration has identified three major priorities for creating a safe, modern, and lawful immigration system: fully securing the border, ending chain migration, and canceling the visa lottery. Chain migration is a disaster, and very unfair to our country. The visa lottery is something that should have never been allowed in the first place. People enter a lottery to come into our country. What kind of a system is that? It is time for Congress to act and to protect Americans. **[https://abcnews.go.com/US/times-trump-slammed-chain-migration-apparently-helped-wifes/story?id=57132429 10 February 2018] * I never said "give teachers guns" like was stated on Fake News @CNN & @NBC. What I said was to look at the possibility of giving "concealed guns to gun adept teachers with military or special training experience - only the best. 20% of teachers, a lot, would now be able to... * ... immediately fire back if a savage sicko came to a school with bad intentions. Highly trained teachers would also serve as a deterrent to the cowards that do this. Far more assets at much less cost than guards. A "gun free" school is a magnet for bad people. ATTACKS WOULD END! ** Tweets (February 22, 2018), as cited in [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/politics-news/trump-defends-arming-teachers-protect-students-sicko-shooter-n850216 "Trump defends arming teachers, applauds NRA"] ''NBC News'' (February 22, 2018) * Because in America people don't worship government. They worship God. ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QsUZCo7hasI CPAC conference] (23 February 2018) * Or, Mike, take the firearms first and then go to court, because that’s another system. Because a lot of times, by the time you go to court, it takes so long to go to court, to get the due process procedures. '''I like taking the guns early.''' Like in this crazy man’s case that just took place in [[Florida]], he had a lot of firearms – they saw everything – to go to court would have taken a long time, so you could do exactly what you’re saying, '''but take the guns first, go through due process second.''' ** meeting on gun violence Feb. 28, 2018[https://eu.usatoday.com/story/news/factcheck/2021/10/14/fact-check-trump-made-comment-taking-guns-without-due-process/6070319001/][https://www.c-span.org/video/?c4907473/user-clip-trump-pence-feb-28-2018][https://www.factcheck.org/2020/09/trump-said-i-like-taking-the-guns-early-not-harris/] ====March 2018==== * Don't forget China's great, and [[Xi Jinping|Xi]] is a great gentleman. He's now president for life. President for life. And he's great. And look, he was able to do that. I think it’s great. Maybe we'll have to give that a shot someday. ** Fundraiser, Mar-a-Lago, quoted in {{citation|date=2018-03-03|author=Kevin Liptak|title=Trump on China's Xi consolidating power: 'Maybe we'll give that a shot some day'|periodical=CNN|url=https://www.cnn.com/2018/03/03/politics/trump-maralago-remarks/index.html}} ====April 2018==== * I want to thank the White House Historical Association and all of the people that work so hard with [[Melania Trump|Melania]], with everybody, to keep this incredible house or building, or whatever you want to call it — because there really is no name for it; it is special — and we keep it in tip-top shape. We call it sometimes tippy-top shape. And it's a great, great place. ** Referring to the [[White House]], during a speech given for Easter (April 2, 2018) *And chain migration -- think of that. So you come in, and now you can bring your family, and then you can bring your mother and your father. You can bring your grandmother. You can bring your this; you can bring -- we had somebody on the West Side Highway, which I know very well -- in Manhattan -- he ran over -- I think he killed about eight people **[https://abcnews.go.com/US/times-trump-slammed-chain-migration-apparently-helped-wifes/story?id=57132429 5 April 2018] ====May 2018==== [[File:Protests after US decision to withdraw from JCPOA, around former US embassy, Tehran - 8 May 2018 25.jpg|thumb|We will not allow [[:w:Government of Islamic Republic of Iran|a regime]] that chants "[[Death to America]]" to gain access to [[:w:Nuclear program of Iran|the most deadly weapons on Earth]].]] * America will not be held hostage to nuclear blackmail. We will not allow American cities to be threatened with destruction. And '''we will not allow a regime that chants "[[Death to America]]" to gain access to the most deadly weapons on Earth.''' ** statement on the [[:w:Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action|Iran nuclear deal]] on May 8, 2018 [https://www.vox.com/world/2018/5/8/17332494/read-trump-iran-nuclear-deal-speech-full-text-announcement-transcript vox.com] ====June 2018==== *So funny to watch the Fake News, especially NBC and CNN. They are fighting hard to downplay the deal with North Korea. 500 days ago they would have “begged” for this deal-looked like war would break out. Our Country’s biggest enemy is the Fake News so easily promulgated by fools! **[https://x.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1006891643985854464 Post] (6:30 AM · Jun 13, 2018) by President Trump originally on [[Twitter]] now available on X *In the meantime, people are suffering because of the Democrats. So we've created, and they've created, and they've let it happen — a massive child-smuggling industry. That's exactly what it's become. Traffickers — if you think about this — human traffickers are making a fortune. It's a disgrace. These loopholes force the release of alien families and minors into the country when they illegally cross the border. **[https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-cabinet-meeting-9/ Remarks by President Trump at Cabinet Meeting Issued on: June 21, 2018] ====July 2018==== * but we have to do it gently because we're in the #MeToo generation, so we have to be very gentle.<br>we will very gently take that kit, and we will slowly toss it, hoping it doesn't hit her and injure her arm. **[https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/trump-mocks-metoo-movement-in-montana-rally/2018/07/05/fad40ce2-80b3-11e8-b660-4d0f9f0351f1_story.html?noredirect=on 5 July 2018 per Washington Post] *That’s other people that do that. I don’t. I’m very consistent. I’m a very stable genius. **When asked by a reporter whether he would be contradicting his statements, quoted in [https://www.timesofisrael.com/trump-once-again-proclaims-himself-a-very-stable-genius/ Trump once again proclaims himself a ‘very stable genius’] ''The Times of Israel'' (12 July 2018) * Allowing the immigration to take place in [[Europe]] is a shame. I think it changed the fabric of Europe and, unless you act very quickly, it's never going to be what it was and I don't mean that in a positive way. So I think allowing millions and millions of people to come into Europe is very, very sad. I think you are losing your culture. ** [https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/6766531/trump-may-brexit-us-deal-off/ Interview with ''The Sun''] (13 July 2018) * The border with the [[Sahara]] can't be bigger than ours with [[Mexico]]. ** In a phone call to [[Spain]]'s foreign minister, [[Josep Borrell]], in the context of Trump's idea for Spain to build a border wall across Sahara dessert to stem Spain's Mediterranean migrant crisis.[https://eu.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/onpolitics/2018/09/20/trump-spain-wall-sahara-desert/1365944002/ Foreign minister: Trump advised Spain to build wall across Sahara to stop migrants] * To [[Hassan Rouhani|Iranian President Rouhani]]: NEVER, EVER THREATEN THE UNITED STATES AGAIN OR YOU WILL SUFFER CONSEQUENCES THE LIKES OF WHICH FEW THROUGHOUT HISTORY HAVE EVER SUFFERED BEFORE. WE ARE NO LONGER A COUNTRY THAT WILL STAND FOR YOUR DEMENTED WORDS OF VIOLENCE & DEATH. BE CAUTIOUS! ** [https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2019/01/covfefe-trump-typo-turned-meme/579763/ The Atlantic: "Six Hours and Three Minutes of Internet Chaos"] * What you're seeing and what you're reading is not what's happening ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2018-07-24 |title= 'What You're Seeing... Is Not What's Happening.' People Are Comparing This Trump Quote to George Orwell |author=Mahita Gajanan |periodical=Time |url=https://time.com/5347737/trump-quote-george-orwell-vfw-speech/}} * We're ordering 147 new F-35 Lightning fighters. This is an incredible [[Airplane|plane]]. It's stealth; you can't see it. So when I talk to even people from the other side, they're trying to order our plane. They like the fact that you can't see it. I said, 'How would it do in battle with your plane?' They say, 'Well, we have one problem: We can't see your plane.' ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2018-07-24 |title= Trump Keeps Saying the F-35 Is Invisible |author=Kyle Mizokami |periodical=Popular Mechanics |url=https://www.popularmechanics.com/military/aviation/amp33658771/trump-keeps-saying-the-f-35-is-invisible/}} ====August 2018==== * You know, if you go out and you want to buy groceries, you need a picture on a card, you need ID. You go out and you want to buy anything, you need ID and you need your picture. The only time you don’t need it in many cases is when you want to vote for a president, when you want to vote for a senator, when you want to vote for a governor or a congressman. It’s crazy. ** [https://edition.cnn.com/2018/08/01/politics/trump-grocery-shopping-id/index.html "Trump claims you need ID to buy groceries. You do not."], ''CNN'' (August 21, 2018) *We have the worst laws! How about chain migration? One person comes in and you end up with 32 people. The person that ran down 18 people on the West Side Highway, he's allowed to have -- and I think eight died. He has 22 members of his family in the United States because of chain migration. So we have to change this stuff, Rush, **1 August 2018 interview with [[Rush Limbaugh]] *How about chain migration? How about that? Somebody comes in, he brings his mother, and his father, and his aunt and uncle, 15 times removed. He brings them all **[https://abcnews.go.com/US/times-trump-slammed-chain-migration-apparently-helped-wifes/story?id=57132429 August 8 campaign rally in Ohio] ====September 2018==== * They haven't seen anything like what's coming at us in 25, 30 years. Maybe ever. It's tremendously big and tremendously wet. Tremendous amounts of water. ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MqHwQhZC8jQ Trump Says Hurricane Florence Is 'Tremendously Big And Tremendously Wet'] * I just wanna thank all of the incredible men and women who have done such a great job in helping with [[w:Hurricane Florence|Florence]]. This is a tough hurricane. One of the wettest we've ever seen from a standpoint of water. ** [https://youtube.com/watch?v=RiDpRVqqXfk&t=30 Trump Describes Hurricane Florence "Wettest We've Seen From Standpoint Of Water"] * And you know the interesting? When I did it, and I was really being tough, and so was he, and we were going back and forth, and then we fell in love. OK? No, really. He wrote me beautiful letters. And they're great letters. We fell in love. ** {{citation |date=2018-09-30 |title=Trump says he and Kim Jong-un ‘fell in love’ after sending each other ‘beautiful letters’ |periodical=The Independent |location=UK |url=https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/trump-kim-jong-un-love-letters-relationship-denuclearisation-nuclear-weapons-a8561701.html}} *Reliance on a single foreign supplier can leave nations vulnerable to extortion and intimidation and that is why we congratulate European states such as [[Poland]] for leading construction of a [[w:Baltic Pipe|Baltic pipeline]] so that nations are not dependent on Russia to meet their energy needs. Germany will become totally dependent on Russian energy if it does not immediately change course. ** Address to the UN General Assembly, quoted in {{citation |date=2018-09-25 |title=At U.N., Trump hails Poland, slams Germany over Russian energy reliance |author= Reuters Staff |periodical=Reuters |url=https://www.reuters.com/article/us-un-assembly-usa-germany-idUSKCN1M527Y}} * Today I stand before the [[w:United Nations General Assembly|United Nations General Assembly]] to share the extraordinary progress we've made. In less than two years, my administration has accomplished more than almost any administration in the history of our country. America's— so true. ''[assembly laughs]'' I didn't expect that reaction, but that's OK. ** Address to UN General Assembly, quoted in {{citation |date=2018-09-26 |title=Trump's U.N. speech pitting globalism against patriotism proves the president has no idea what patriotism means |author=Daniel Shapiro |periodical=NBC News |url=https://www.nbcnews.com/think/opinion/trump-s-u-n-speech-pitting-globalism-against-patriotism-proves-ncna913141}} * America is governed by Americans. We reject the ideology of [[globalism]] and we embrace the doctrine of [[patriotism]]. ** Address to UN General Assembly, quoted in {{citation |date=2018-09-25 |title=Trump’s Speech at the U.N. Triggers Laughter—and Disbelief |author=Robin Wright |periodical=The New Yorker |url=https://www.newyorker.com/news/news-desk/trumps-speech-at-the-un-triggers-laughterand-disbelief}} ====October 2018==== * I know you're not thinking. You never do. ** Donald Trump to a reporter who was going to ask a question. {{citation |date=2018-10-02 |title=President Donald Trump To Reporter: ‘I Know You’re Not Thinking. You Never Do’ |url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ASOTct1woo8}} *Only do it if I can test her personally. That will not be something I enjoy doing either. ** regarding acknowledging [[Elizabeth Warren]] as Native American ** {{citation |date=2018-10-15 |title=Trump promised $1 million to charity if Warren proved her Native American DNA. Now he’s waffling. |author=Amy B Wang and Deanna Paul |periodical=Washington Post |url=https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2018/10/15/trump-dared-elizabeth-warren-take-dna-test-prove-her-native-american-ancestry-now-what/}} * I have a natural instinct for science ** Quoted in {{citation |date=2018-10-15 |title=Trump: My ‘Natural Instinct for Science’ Tells Me Climate Science Is Wrong |author=Jonathan Chait |author-link=w:Jonathan Chait |periodical=New York Intelligencer |url=https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2018/10/trump-i-have-a-natural-instinct-for-science.html}} *You know they have a word, it sort of became old-fashioned, it's called a nationalist,<br>And I say 'really, we're not supposed to use that word?' Do you know what I am? I'm a nationalist. **22 October 2018, quoted in {{citation |date=2018-10-23 |title=Trump declares himself a 'nationalist' while stumping for Ted Cruz |author=John Walsh |periodical=Business Insider |url=https://www.businessinsider.in/trump-declares-himself-a-nationalist-while-stumping-for-ted-cruz/articleshow/66327534.cms}} *Now how ridiculous: we're the only country in the world where a person comes in, has a baby, and the baby is essentially a citizen of the United States for 85 years with all of those benefits **{{citation |date=2018-10-30 |title=Trump wants to end birthright citizenship in the U.S. |author=Associated Press |periodical=CBC |url=https://www.cbc.ca/news/world/trump-birthright-citizenship-1.4883589}} *It was always told to me that you needed a constitutional amendment. Guess what? You don't,<br>Number one, you don't need that. Number two, you can definitely do it with an act of Congress. But now they're saying I can do it just with an executive order.<br>It's in the process,<br>It'll happen, with an executive order. **{{citation |date=2018-10-30 |title=Can Trump End Birthright Citizenship by Executive Order? |author=Robert Farley |periodical=FactCheck.org |url=https://www.factcheck.org/2018/10/can-trump-end-birthright-citizenship-by-executive-order/}} ====November 2018==== * You gotta take care of the floors. You know, the floors of the forest. It's very important. You look at other countries where they do it differently, and it's a whole different story. I was with the president of Finland, and he said, "We have a much different— we're a forest nation." He called it a forest nation. And they spend a lot of time on raking and cleaning and doing things, and they don't have any problem. ** Paradise, California, {{#formatdate:2018-11-17}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2018-11-20 |title=#RakeNews: People in Finland Mock Trump With Leaf-Raking Photos After He Said the Country 'Rakes the Forest' |author=Ashley Hoffman |periodical=Time |url=https://time.com/5458605/trump-finland-raking-reactions/}}, and with video in {{citation |date=2018-11-18 |title=Trump Says California Can Learn From Finland on Fires. Is He Right? |author=Patrick Kingsley |periodical=New York Times |url=https://www.nytimes.com/2018/11/18/world/europe/finland-california-wildfires-trump-raking.html}} ** Finnish President Sauli Niinistö said he didn't recall anything being said about raking.[https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/the_americas/finnish-president-says-he-briefed-trump-on-forest-monitoring/2018/11/18/dd46a57e-eb32-11e8-8b47-bd0975fd6199_story.html] * '''Reporter''': Have you read the climate report yet?<br />'''Trump''': I've seen it. I've read some of it and — it's fine.<br />'''Reporter''': They say the economic impact could be devastating.<br />'''Trump''': Yeah. I don't believe it.<br />'''Reporter''': You don't believe it?<br />'''Trump''': No, no. I don't believe it. And here's the other thing: You're going to have to have China and Japan and all of Asia and all of these other countries — you know, it addresses our country. Right now, we're at the cleanest we've ever been, and that's very important to me. But if we're clean but every other place on Earth is dirty, that's not so good. ** November 26, 2018, on the [[w:Fourth National Climate Assessment|Fourth National Climate Assessment]] ({{cite news |title=Trump responds to his administration's report indicating a huge cost from climate change: ‘I don't believe it' |first=Philip |last=Bump |newspaper=[[w:The Washington Post|The Washington Post]] |date=November 26, 2018 |accessdate=December 1, 2018 |url=https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2018/11/26/trump-responds-report-indicating-huge-cost-climate-change-i-dont-believe-it/}}; {{cite news |agency=[[w:BBC News|BBC News]] |title='I don't believe it' - Trump on climate report |date=November 26, 2018 |accessdate=December 1, 2018 |url=https://www.bbc.com/news/av/world-us-canada-46324405/i-don-t-believe-it-trump-on-climate-report}}; {{cite news |newspaper=[[w:The Guardian|The Guardian]] |agency=[[w:Associated Press|Associated Press]] |title=‘Yeah, I don't believe it': Trump on his administration's own climate report |url=https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/video/2018/nov/26/yeah-i-dont-believe-it-trump-on-administrations-own-climate-report-video}}). * One of the problems that a lot of people like myself we have very high levels of intelligence, but we're not necessarily such believers. You look at our air and our water, and it's now at a record clean. But when you look at China and you look at parts of Asia and when you look at South America, and when you look at many other places in this world, including Russia, including just many other places, the air is incredibly dirty and when you're talking about an atmosphere, oceans are very small and it blows over and it sails over. I mean, we take thousands of tons of garbage off our beaches all the time that comes over from Asia. It just flows right down the Pacific, if flows, and we say where does this come from. And it takes many people to start off with. **28th November, ''Washington Post'' interview, Donald Trump on whether he believes in global warming reports of the 13 of agencies of his administration. [https://splinternews.com/man-with-very-high-level-of-intelligence-says-oceans-ar-1830699334] ====December 2018==== *I want to thank Vice President Mike Pence,<br>A tremendous supporter, a tremendous supporter of yours. And Karen. And they go there and they love your country. They love your country. And they love this country. That's a good combination, right? **[https://forward.com/opinion/415676/trump-just-accused-jews-of-loving-israel-not-america-and-his-fans-cheered/ 7 December 2018] *I am proud to shut down the government for border security, Chuck. People in this country don't want criminals and people that have lots of problems and drugs pouring into our country. I will take the mantle. I will be the one to shut it down. I won't blame you for it. The last time, you shut it down. It didn't work. I will take the mantle of shutting it down. **Oval Office meeting with {{W|Nancy Pelosi}} and {{W|Chuck Schumer}}, leading to the {{w|2018–19 United States federal government shutdown}}. "[https://www.upi.com/Top_News/US/2018/12/11/Trump-proud-to-shut-down-government-in-wall-talks-with-Democrats/6271544554657/ Trump 'proud' to shut down government in wall talks with Democrats]", {{W|United Press International}} (December 12, 2018) *Are you still a believer in Santa? Because at 7, it's marginal, right? **To a 7-year-old child, [https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2018/dec/25/christmas-cheer-trump-tells-boy-that-believing-in-santa-at-seven-is-marginal 24 December 2018] *Well, I don't see it. I spoke with Bibi, I told Bibi.<br>And, you know, we give Israel $4.5 billion a year.<br>And they're doing very well defending themselves, if you take a look.<br>So that's the way it is.<br>The United States cannot continue to be the policeman of the world,<br>We don't want to do that. **[https://www.timesofisrael.com/trump-we-give-israel-billions-it-can-defend-itself-in-syria/ 27 December 2018] re [[Benjamin Netanyahu]] ===2019=== ====January 2019==== *we're getting out and we're getting out smart and we're winning, we're winning. OK. But just to answer your question, '''Over a period of time'''. I never said I'm getting out tomorrow I said I'm pulling our soldiers out and they will be pulled back in Syria, that we're getting out of Syria. Yeah absolutely. But we're getting out very powerfully. **[http://www.aparchive.com/metadata/youtube/a1e8659d9ffa2e6b1572a49d86627be5 2 January 2019] *Iran is no longer the same country<br>Iran is pulling people out of Syria.<br>'''They can do what they want there, frankly''', but they're pulling people out.<br>They're pulling people out of Yemen.<br>Iran wants to survive now. **{{citation |date=2019-01-02 |title=Trump: Iran ‘can do what they want’ in Syria |author=Eric Cortellessa |periodical=Times of Israel |url=https://www.timesofisrael.com/trump-iran-can-do-what-they-want-in-syria/}} * I know more about drones than anybody. I know about every form of safety that you can have. (January 2019) * I think nobody knows more about campaign finance than I do, because I'm the biggest contributor. (1999) * I know more about people who get [TV] ratings than anyone. (October 2012) * I know more about ISIS than the generals do. (November 2015) * I understand social media. I understand the power of Twitter. I understand the power of Facebook maybe better than almost anybody, based on my results, right? (November 2015) * I know more about courts than any human being on Earth. (November 2015) * [W]ho knows more about lawsuits than I do? I'm the king. (January 2016) * I understand politicians better than anybody. * [N]obody knows the [visa] system better than me. I know the H1B. I know the H2B. ... Nobody else on this dais knows how to change it like I do, believe me. (March 2016) * Nobody knows more about trade than me. (March 2016) * [N]obody knows the [U.S. government] system better than I do. (April 2016) * I know more about renewables than any human being on Earth. (April 2016) * I think nobody knows more about taxes than I do, maybe in the history of the world. (May 2016) * I’m the king of debt. I’m great with debt. Nobody knows debt better than me. (June 2016) * I understand money better than anybody. (June 2016) * [L]ook, as a builder, nobody in the history of this country has ever known so much about infrastructure as Donald Trump. (July 2016) * I know more about [senator] Cory [Booker] than he knows about himself. (July 2016) * I think I know more about the other side [Democrats] than almost anybody. (November 2016) * [N]obody knows more about construction than I do. (May 2018) * I think I know about [the economy] better than [the Federal Reserve]. (October 2018) * Technology — nobody knows more about technology than me. (December 2018) * I know more about drones than anybody. I know about every form of safety that you can have." (January 2019) * Having a drone fly overhead — and I think nobody knows much more about technology, this type of technology certainly, than I do. (January 2019) ** [https://www.axios.com/2019/01/05/everything-trump-says-he-knows-more-about-than-anybody "Everything Trump says he knows "more about than anybody""], ''Axios'' (January 5, 2019) *We are born free, and we will stay free. Tonight, we renew our resolve that America will never be a socialist country. **{{citation |date=2019-01-05 |title=Trump to Ocasio-Cortez: 'America will never be a socialist country' |author=Joel Gehrke |periodical=Washington Examiner |url=https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/policy/defense-national-security/trump-to-ocasio-cortez-america-will-never-be-a-socialist-country}} * <p>''Q:'' Does the buck stop with you over this shutdown?</p><p>''Donald Trump:'' '''The buck stops with everybody.'''</p> **White House press conference, {{#formatdate:2019-01-10}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2019-01-10 |title=Rejecting responsibility, Trump declares, ‘The buck stops with everybody’ |author=Steve Benen |periodical=MSNBC |url=http://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/rejecting-responsibility-trump-declares-the-buck-stops-everybody}}, and with video in {{citation |date=2019-01-10 |title=Trump: 'Buck stops with everybody' for shutdown he was proud to own |author=Oliver Willis |periodical=American Independent |url=https://americanindependent.com/trump-buck-stops-with-everybody-shutdown-proud/}} *We have pizzas, we have three-hundred hamburgers, many, many French fries, all of our favourite foods.<br>I want to see what's here when we leave, because I don't think it's going to be much.<br>If it's American, I like it. It's all American stuff. **14 January 2019 quote mentioned in [https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-46873386 article] by BBC *Do we give you some little quick salads that the first lady will make, along with the second lady — they’ll make some salads.<br>I said you guys aren’t into salads.<br>Or do I go out and send out for about one-thousand hamburgers?<br>Big Macs.<br>So we actually did.<br>We bought one-thousand Burger King.<br>All American companies.<br>Burger King, Wendy’s and McDonald’s. **14 January 2019 quote mentioned in [https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-news/trump-fast-food-white-house-779128/ article] by Rolling Stone {{anchor|hamberders}} *Great being with the National Champion Clemson Tigers lat night at the White House.<br>Because of the Shutdown I served them massive amounts of Fast Food (I paid),<br>over 1000 hamberders etc.<br>Within one hour, it was all gone.<br>Great guys and big eaters! **15 January 2019 [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1085159285208858624 tweet] *National African American History Month<br>is an occasion to rediscover the enduring stories of African Americans and the<br>gifts of freedom, purpose, and opportunity they have bestowed on future<br>generations. **[https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/presidential-proclamation-national-african-american-history-month-2019/ early 31 January 2019 proclamation on WhiteHouse.gov] regarding [[Wikipedia:Black History Month|black history month]] ***[https://twitter.com/realdonaldtrump/status/1091427927475085312 reposted 1 February 2019 on Twitter] ====February 2019==== *They're starting to, as we gain the remainder, the final remainder of the caliphate of the area, they'll be going to our base in Iraq, and ultimately some will be coming home. But we're going to be there and we're going to be staying--<br>We have to protect Israel. We have to protect other things that we have. But we're- yeah, they'll be coming back in a matter of time. Look, we're protecting the world. We're spending more money than anybody's ever spent in history, by a lot. We spent, over the last five years, close to 50 billion dollars a year in [[Afghanistan]]. That's more than most countries spend for everything including education, medical, and everything else, other than a few countries.<br> **[https://www.cbsnews.com/news/donald-trump-interview-face-the-nation-margaret-brennan-today-2019-02-01/ 1 February 2019] broadcast [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/transcript-president-trump-on-face-the-nation-february-3-2019/ 3 February 2019] * We stand with the [[Venezuela|Venezuelan]] people in their noble quest for freedom—and we condemn the brutality of the [[Maduro]] regime, whose socialist policies have turned that nation from being the wealthiest in [[South America]] into a state of abject [[poverty]] and [[despair]] ** "[https://fair.org/home/the-media-myth-of-once-prosperous-and-democratic-venezuela-before-chavez/ The Media Myth of ‘Once Prosperous’ and Democratic Venezuela Before Chávez]" (February 6, 2019) *Since the founding of our nation, many of our greatest strides — from gaining our independence to abolition of civil rights to extending the vote for women — have been led by people of faith **[https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/trump-civil-rights-abolition-prayer-breakfast_us_5c5e14ace4b0eec79b236874 08 February 2019] * In fact, I think I can say this, [[Shinzō Abe|Prime Minister Abe]] of [[Japan]] gave me the most beautiful copy of a letter that he sent to the people who give out a thing called the [[w:Nobel Prize|Nobel Prize]]. He said: '''"I have nominated you, respectfully, on behalf of Japan. I am asking them to give you the Nobel Peace Prize."''' I said, 'Thank you.'<br>We do a lot of good work. This administration does a tremendous job and we don't get credit for it. '''So Prime Minister Abe gave me — I mean it's the most beautiful five-page letter, Nobel Prize, he sent it to them.''' You know why? Because he had rocket ships and he had missiles flying over Japan, and they had alarms going off — you know that. Now all of the sudden they feel good, they feel safe. I did that. ** 15 February 2019 ({{cite news |title=You won't believe what Trump just said: 6 eye-popping moments |first=Dareh |last=Gregorian |agency=[[w:NBC News|NBC News]] |url=https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/you-won-t-believe-what-trump-just-said-6-eye-n972166}}) ====Spring 2019==== *there will be some people in the room that don't like this. We're down to 3.7 percent [[Unemployment in the United States|unemployment]] — the lowest number in a long time. But think of this: I got all these companies moving in. They need workers. We have to bring people into our country to work these great plants that are opening up all over the place. This was not necessarily what I was saying during the campaign because I never knew we would be as successful as we've been. Companies are roaring back into our country, and now we want people to come in. We need workers to come in, but they've got to come in legally, and they've got to come in through merit, merit, merit. **[https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-2019-conservative-political-action-conference/ 3 March 2019] *Hello, everybody. The economic numbers just came out; they're very, very good. Our country is doing unbelievably well, economically. Most of you don't report that, because it doesn't sound good from your perspective. But the country is doing really, really well. We have a lot of very exciting things going on. A lot of companies will be announcing shortly they're moving back into the United States. They're all coming back. They want to be where the action is. **[https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/DCPD-201900207/html/DCPD-201900207.htm 5 April 2019] * If you have a windmill anywhere near your house, congratulations, your house just went down 75 percent in value. <b>And they say the noise causes [[cancer]]. </b> You told me that one, OK. ''[makes circles with his hands and a noise with his mouth]'' You know the thing makes so... and of course it's like a graveyard for birds. ** Speech to Republican National Congressional Committee, {{#formatdate:2019-04-02}}, quoted in {{cite news|date= {{#formatdate:2019-04-03}}|title=Trump's war on windmills now includes wild cancer claim|author=Zachary B. Wolf|work=CNN|url=https://www.cnn.com/2019/04/03/politics/trumps-war-on-windmills-now-includes-wild-cancer-claim/index.html}} and in {{cite web|date=2019-04-08|accessdate=2019-08-18|website={{w|Politifact}}|title=Donald Trump's ridiculous link between cancer, wind turbines|author=Jon Greenberg|url=https://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2019/apr/08/donald-trump/republicans-dismiss-trumps-windmill-and-cancer-cla/}} * They have to get the shots. The [[vaccinations]] are so important. This is really going around now. They have to get their shots. ** Reported in Maegan Vazquez, "[https://www.cnn.com/2019/04/26/politics/donald-trump-measles-vaccines Trump now says parents must vaccinate children in face of measles outbreak]", CNN (April 26, 2019). *The Jews always flip. **attested to by Michael Wolff [https://forward.com/fast-forward/425037/trump-jews-always-flip-michael-wolff-michael-cohen-david-pecker/ 28 May 2019] ====June 2019==== *There is no basis whatsoever for [[Impeachment of Donald Trump|impeachment]]. None. There was no collusion. There was no obstruction. There was no crime. The crime was by the Democrats. The crime was by the Democrats. There is no legal basis for impeachment. It's a big witch hunt. Everybody knows it, including the Democrats. **[https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/DCPD-201900366/html/DCPD-201900366.htm 2 June 2019] * This week, we commemorate a mighty endeavor of righteous nations and one of the greatest undertakings in all of history. Seventy-five years ago, more than 150,000 Allied troops were preparing on this island to parachute into France, storm the beaches of Normandy, and win back our civilization. As Her Majesty remembers, the [[British people]] had hoped and prayed and fought for this day for nearly 5 years. When [[Great Britain|Britain]] stood alone during [[w:The Blitz|the Blitz]] of 1940 and 1941, the Nazi war machine dropped thousands of bombs on this country and right on this magnificent city. Buckingham Palace alone was bombed on 16 separate occasions. In that dark hour, the people of this nation showed the world what it means to be British. They cleared wreckage from the streets, displayed the Union Jack from their shattered homes, and kept fighting on to victory. They only wanted victory. The courage of the United Kingdom's sons and daughters ensured that your destiny would always remain in your own hands. Through it all, the royal family was the resolute face of the Commonwealth's unwavering solidarity. **[https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/DCPD-201900368/html/DCPD-201900368.htm 3 June 2019] * This evening we thank God for the brave sons of the United Kingdom and the United States who defeated the Nazis and the Nazi regime and liberated millions from [[tyranny]]. The [[United Kingdom–United States relations|bond between our nations]] was forever sealed in that "Great Crusade." As we honor our shared victory and heritage, we affirm the common values that will unite us long into the future: [[freedom]], [[sovereignty]], self-determination, the [[rule of law]], and reverence for the rights given to us by Almighty God. From the [[World War II|Second World War]] to today, Her Majesty has stood as a constant symbol of these priceless traditions. She has embodied the spirit of dignity, duty, and patriotism that beats proudly in every British heart. On behalf of all Americans, I offer a toast to the eternal friendship of our people, the vitality of our nations, and to the long, cherished, and truly remarkable reign of [[Elizabeth II|Her Majesty the Queen]]. Thank you. **[https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/DCPD-201900368/html/DCPD-201900368.htm 3 June 2019] * You’re talking about [[Vietnam War|Vietnam]] and at that time nobody had ever heard of [[Vietnam|the country]] ** Trump was describing the US knowledge about Vietnam in 1968, when about one half million US troops were stationed in Vietnam, as quoted in {{cite news|date={{#formatdate:2019-06-05}}|title=Trump says was 'never a fan' of Vietnam War, and that Americans hadn't heard of country in 1968|work=Japan Times|url=https://www.japantimes.co.jp/news/2019/06/06/world/politics-diplomacy-world/trump-says-never-fan-vietnam-war-claims-americans-hadnt-heard-country-1968/#.XraZ4hMzbOQ}} * I think a lot of progress was made yesterday, but we have to make a lot of progress. Mexico has been making, for many, many years, hundreds of billions of dollars. And then, they've been making an absolute fortune on the United States. They have to step up, and they have to step up to the plate, and perhaps they will. We're going to see. They can solve the problem. The Democrats—Congress has been a disaster. They won't change. They won't do anything. They want free immigration—immigration to pour into our country. They don't care who it is. They don't care what kind of a record they have. It doesn't make any difference. They're not going to be changing anything. We go to them, we say, "Let's fix the immigration laws." They just want it to do badly. The worse it does, the happier they are. So that's the way it is, and I guess that's the way it will be until after the election. It's just a disgrace. Because, frankly, we could solve this problem so easy if the Democrats in Congress were willing to make some changes, but they're not. And that's the way it is. They want to just ride it out. They want to have a real bad time. They don't care about crime. They don't care about drugs pouring into our country. They couldn't care less. It's all politics. It's a vicious business. So that's the way it is. But we're having a great talk with Mexico. We'll see what happens. But something pretty dramatic could happen. We've told Mexico the tariffs go on. And I mean it too. And I'm very happy with it. And lot of people, Senators included, they have no idea what they're talking about when it comes to tariffs. They have no—absolutely no idea. When you have the money, when you have the product, when you have the thing that everybody wants, you're in a position to do very well with tariffs, and that's where we are. We're the piggybank. The United States is the piggybank. It has all the money that others want to take from us, but they're not taking it so easy anymore. It's a lot different. Our talks with China—a lot of interesting things are happening. We'll see what happens. **[https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/DCPD-201900372/html/DCPD-201900372.htm 6 June 2019] * ''Reporter:'' Are you willing to go to war with Iran?<br />''Trump:'' You'll find out. You'll find out. ** {{cite news|date={{#formatdate:2019-06-20}}|title=Trump tells public 'you'll find out' when asked about a war with Iran|work=The Washington Post|url=https://www.washingtonpost.com/video/world/trump-tells-public-youll-find-out-when-asked-about-a-war-with-iran/2019/06/20/18f8c92d-b370-4a01-a948-4144be20f730_video.html}} * For some reason we have a certain chemistry — or whatever. Let's see what happens. We have a long way to go. But I'm in no rush... So, I just want to say that we are going to be heading out to the DMZ and '''it's something I planned long ago but had the idea yesterday''' to maybe say hello, just shake hands quickly and say hello. ** press conference, Blue House, Seoul, South Korea, quoted in {{citation |date=2019-06-30 |title=Trump: Kim and I "have a certain chemistry" |periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/politics/live-news/trump-dmz-kim-live-intl-hnk/h_8b23e071903b007d8ff1934be8457d2c}} =====Remarks on the 75th Anniversary of D-Day in Colleville-sur-Mer, France===== <small>[https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/DCPD-201900373/html/DCPD-201900373.htm Transcript] (June 6, 2016)</small> * Here with you are over 60 veterans who landed on [[w:D-Day|D-day]]. Our debt to you is everlasting. Today we express our undying gratitude. When you were young, these men enlisted their lives in a great crusade, one of the greatest of all times. Their mission is the story of an epic battle and the ferocious, eternal struggle between good and evil. On the 6th of June, 1944, they joined a liberation force of awesome power and breathtaking scale. After months of planning, the Allies had chosen this ancient coastline to mount their campaign to vanquish the wicked tyranny of the [[Nazism|Nazi]] empire from the face of the Earth. The battle began in the skies above us. In those first tense midnight hours, 1,000 aircraft roared overhead, with 17,000 Allied airborne troops preparing to leap into the darkness beyond these trees. Then came dawn. The enemy who had occupied these heights saw the largest naval armada in the history of the world. Just a few miles offshore were 7,000 vessels bearing 130,000 warriors. * They were the citizens of free and independent nations, united by their duty to their compatriots and to millions yet unborn. There were the [[British people|British]], whose nobility and fortitude saw them through the worst of [[w:Battle of Dunkirk|Dunkirk]] and the [[w:London Blitz|London Blitz]]. The full violence of Nazi fury was no match for the full grandeur of British pride. Thank you. There were the [[Canada|Canadians]], whose robust sense of honor and loyalty compelled them to take up arms alongside Britain from the very, very beginning. There were the fighting [[Poland|Poles]], the tough [[Norway|Norwegians]], and the intrepid [[Australia|Aussies]]. There were the gallant French commandos, soon to be met by thousands of their brave countrymen ready to write a new chapter in the long history of French valor. And finally, there were the Americans. They came from the farms of a vast heartland, the streets of glowing cities and the forges of mighty industrial towns. Before the war, many had never ventured beyond their own community. Now they had come to offer their lives half a world from home. * This beach, codenamed [[w:Omaha Beach|Omaha]], was defended by the Nazis with monstrous firepower, thousands and thousands of mines and spikes driven into the sand, so deeply. It was here that tens of thousands of the Americans came. The GIs who boarded the landing craft that morning knew that they carried on their shoulders not just the pack of a soldier, but the fate of the world. Colonel [[w:George A. Taylor|George Taylor]], whose [[w:16th Infantry Regiment (United States)|16th Infantry Regiment]] would join in the first wave, was asked: What would happen if the Germans stopped right then and there, cold on the beach, just stopped them? What would happen? This great American replied: "Why, the 18th Infantry is coming in right behind us. The 26th Infantry will come on too. Then, there is the [[w:2nd Infantry Division (United States)|2nd Infantry Division]] already afloat. And the 9th Division. And the 2d Armored. And the 3d Armored. And all the rest. Maybe the 16th won't make it, but someone will." * Nine thousand three hundred and eighty-eight young Americans rest beneath the white crosses and Stars of David arrayed on these beautiful grounds. Each one has been adopted by a French family that thinks of him as their own. They come from all over France to look after our boys. They kneel. They cry. They pray. They place flowers. And they never forget. Today America embraces the French people and thanks you for honoring our beloved dead. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. * To all of our friends and partners: Our cherished alliance was forged in the heat of battle, tested in the trials of war, and proven in the blessings of peace. Our bond is unbreakable. * From across the Earth, Americans are drawn to this place as though it were a part of our very soul. We come not only because of what they did here, we come because of who they were. They were young men with their entire lives before them. They were husbands who said goodbye to their young brides and took their duty as their fate. They were fathers who would never meet their infant sons and daughters because they had a job to do. And with God as their witness, they were going to get it done. They came wave after wave, without question, without hesitation, and without complaint. * More powerful than the strength of American arms was the strength of American hearts. These men ran through the fires of hell moved by a force no weapon could destroy: the fierce patriotism of a free, proud, and sovereign people. They battled not for control and domination, but for liberty, democracy, and self-rule. They pressed on for love in home and country, the main streets, the schoolyards, the churches and neighbors, the families and communities that gave us men such as these. They were sustained by the confidence that America can do anything because we are a noble nation, with a virtuous people, praying to a righteous God. The exceptional might came from a truly exceptional spirit. The abundance of courage came from an abundance of faith. The great deeds of an [[United States Army|Army]] came from the great depths of their love. As they confronted their fate, the Americans and the Allies placed themselves into the palm of God's hand. * The men behind me will tell you that they are just the lucky ones. As one of them recently put it, "All the heroes are buried here." But we know what these men did. We knew how brave they were. They came here and saved freedom, and then, they went home and showed us all what freedom is all about. The American sons and daughters who saw us to victory were no less extraordinary in peace. They built families. They built industries. They built a national culture that inspired the entire world. In [[Aftermath of World War II|the decades that followed]], America defeated [[communism]], secured [[Civil and political rights|civil rights]], revolutionized [[science]], [[Apollo 11|launched a man to the Moon]], and then kept on pushing to new frontiers. And today, America is stronger than ever before. * Seven decades ago, the warriors of D-day fought a sinister enemy who spoke of a thousand-year empire. In defeating that evil, they left a legacy that will last not only for a thousand years, but for all time—for as long as the soul knows of duty and honor; for as long as freedom keeps its hold on the human heart. To the men who sit behind me, and to the boys who rest in the field before me, your example will never, ever grow old. Your legend will never tire. Your spirit—brave, unyielding, and true—will never die. The blood that they spilled, the tears that they shed, the lives that they gave, the sacrifice that they made, did not just win a battle. It did not just win a war. Those who fought here won a future for our Nation. They won the survival of our civilization. And they showed us the way to love, cherish, and defend our way of life for many centuries to come. Today, as we stand together upon this sacred Earth, we pledge that our nations will forever be strong and united. We will forever be together. Our people will forever be bold. Our hearts will forever be loyal. And our children, and their children, will forever and always be free. May God bless our great veterans, may God bless our Allies, may God bless the heroes of D-day, and may God bless America. Thank you. Thank you very much. ====July 2019==== * Our army manned the air, it rammed the ramparts, it took over the airports, it did everything it had to do. ** Trump was describing battles in 1775, as quoted in [https://www.bbc.com/news/48885319 Trump blames 'airports' gaffe on teleprompter] *The kidney has a very special place in the heart. **[https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/video/2019/jul/11/the-kidney-has-a-very-special-place-in-the-heart-says-donald-trump-video 11 July 2019] * "I said, you know, you don't like me and I don't like you. I never have liked you and you never liked me but you're going to support me because you're a rich guy. And if you don't support me, you're going to be so goddamn poor you're not going to believe it." ** Trump was referring to an unnamed businessperson, as quoted by {{citation |date=2019-07-17 |title=Analysis: The 51 most outrageous lines from Donald Trump's NC rally |author=Chris Cillizza |periodical=WLOS.com |url=https://wlos.com/news/local/analysis-the-51-most-outrageous-lines-from-donald-trumps-nc-rally}} * Everybody calls me Mr. President. It's true. It's a funny thing. ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2019-07-17 |title=Analysis: The 51 most outrageous lines from Donald Trump's NC rally |author=Chris Cillizza |periodical=WLOS.com |url=https://wlos.com/news/local/analysis-the-51-most-outrageous-lines-from-donald-trumps-nc-rally}} * Then, I have an [[w:Article Two of the United States Constitution|Article II]], where I have to the right to do whatever I want as president [...] But I don’t even talk about that. ** Speech at the [[w:Turning Point USA|Turning Point USA]] Teen Student Action Summit, Washington DC (July 23, 2019), as cited in [https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2019/07/23/trump-falsely-tells-auditorium-full-teens-constitution-gives-him-right-do-whatever-i-want/ "While bemoaning Mueller probe, Trump falsely says the Constitution gives him 'the right to do whatever I want'"], ''The Washington Post'' (July 23, 2019) * [[Boris Johnson]], good man he is tough but he is smart. They call him Brittain Trump..They like me over there ** [www.youtube.com/watch?v=S0wO89TT9vI Trump on Johnson: 'They call him Britain Trump' - BBC News] July 24, 2019 *These people [Democrats] are clowns **[https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-signing-safe-third-country-agreement-guatemala/ from the White House on July 26 (video)] *I am the least racist person there is anywhere in the world **30 July 2019 [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/video/2019/jul/30/trump-claims-least-racist-person-in-the-world per The Guardian] ====August 2019==== * I think my rhetoric is a very – it brings people together. ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2019-08-07 |title=While slamming critics, Trump says his words ‘bring people together’ |author=Steve Benen |periodical=MSNBC |url=http://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/while-slamming-critics-trump-says-his-words-bring-people-together}} * I think any Jewish people that vote for a Democrat -- it shows either a total lack of knowledge or great disloyalty. ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2019-08-21 |title=Jewish leaders outraged by Trump saying Jews disloyal if they vote for Democrats |author=Maegan Vazquez, Jim Acosta |periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2019/08/20/politics/donald-trump-jewish-americans-democrat-disloyalty/index.html?no-st=9999999999}} * I am the chosen one. Somebody had to do it, so I'm taking on China... and you know what we're winning. ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2019-08-21 |title=Donald Trump: 'I am the chosen one' |author=Tola Mbakwe|periodical=CNN |url=https://premierchristian.news/en/news/article/donald-trump-i-am-the-chosen-one}} ====September 2019==== * Where’s my favorite [[Dictatorship|dictator]]? ** Trump was looking for Egyptian President [[Abdel Fattah el-Sisi]], as quoted by {{citation |date=2019-09-13 |title=Trump, Awaiting Egyptian Counterpart at Summit, Called Out for ‘My Favorite Dictator’ | author=By Nancy A. Youssef, Vivian Salama and Michael C. Bender | url=https://www.wsj.com/articles/trump-awaiting-egyptian-counterpart-at-summit-called-out-for-my-favorite-dictator-11568403645?tesla=y&mod=e2twp}} * I always look orange. And so do you. The light is the worst. ** Trump complained about energy-saving light bulbs, quoted by {{citation |date=2019-09-24 |title=Trump on Why He Doesn’t Like Energy-Efficient Lightbulbs: “I Always Look Orange” |author=Elliot Hannon |url=https://slate.com/news-and-politics/2019/09/trump-on-why-he-doesnt-like-energy-efficient-light-bulbs-i-always-look-orange.html}} * The truth is plain to see — if you want freedom, take pride in your country; if you want [[democracy]], hold onto your sovereignty, and if you want peace, love your nation. Wise leaders always put the good of their own people and their own country first. The future does not belong to globalists. The future belongs to patriots. The future belongs to sovereign and independent nations who protect their citizens, respect their neighbours, and honor the differences that make each country special and unique. ** Address to United Nations General Assembly, quoted in {{citation |date=2019-09-13 |title=Trump UN speech knocks globalism: The future belongs to nationalism |author=Tim Pearce |periodical=Washington Examiner |url=https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/news/trump-un-speech-knocks-globalism-the-future-belongs-to-nationalism}} ====October 2019==== =====Statement on the Death of Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi===== [[File:President Trump Watches as U.S. Special Operations Forces Close in on ISIS Leader (48967991042).jpg|thumb|Last night, the [[United States]] brought the [[world]]'s number one [[terrorist]] [[leader]] to [[justice]]. [[Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi]] is [[dead]]. He was the founder and leader of [[ISIS]], the most ruthless and violent terror organization in the World.]] :<small>[https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefings-statements/statement-president-death-abu-bakr-al-baghdadi/ Offiical release at Whitehouse.gov (27 October 2019)] · [https://www.nytimes.com/2019/10/27/us/trump-transcript-isis-al-baghdadi.html Transcript of delivered remarks at ''The New York Times'' (27 October 2019)] · [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q6YvsrGILrw "President Trump's full announcement on the death of Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi", ''The Washington Post'' YouTube channel (27 October 2019)]</small> * Last night, the [[United States]] brought the [[world]]'s number one [[terrorist]] [[leader]] to [[justice]]. [[Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi]] is [[dead]]. He was the founder and leader of [[ISIS]], the most ruthless and violent terror organization in the World. The United States has been searching for Baghdadi for many years. Capturing or killing Baghdadi has been the top [[national security]] priority of my Administration. U.S. Special Operations forces executed a [[dangerous]] and [[daring]] nighttime raid into Northwestern [[Syria]] to [[accomplish]] this [[mission]]. * Terrorists who oppress and murder innocent people should never sleep soundly, knowing that we will completely destroy them. These savage monsters will not escape their fate – and they will not escape the final judgement of God. * This raid was impeccable, and could only have taken place with the acknowledgement and help of certain other nations and people. <br /> I want to thank the nations of Russia, Turkey, Syria and Iraq, and I also want to thank the Syrian Kurds for certain support they were able to give us. Thank you as well to the great intelligence professionals who helped make this very successful journey possible. * Last night was a great night for the United States and for the World. A brutal killer, one who has caused so much hardship and death, was violently eliminated – he will never again harm another innocent man, woman or child. He died like a dog. He died like a coward. The world is now a much safer place. * I don't want to say how, but we had absolutely perfect -- as though you were watching a movie. It was -- that -- that in -- the technology there alone is -- is really great. **[https://edition.cnn.com/2019/10/27/politics/donald-trump-baghdadi-death-isis/index.html 27 October 2019] ====November 2019==== *I WANT NOTHING I WANT NOTHING I WANT NO QUID PRO QUO. TELL [[Volodymyr Zelenskyy|ZELLINSKY]] TO DO THE RIGHT THING. THIS IS THE FINAL WORD FROM THE PRES. OF THE U.S. **[https://www.vox.com/2019/11/20/20974383/trump-big-sharpie-notes-on-impeachment-testimony Remarks on a notepad, White House lawn, November 20], after Ambassador Gordon Sondland's testimony. ====December 2019==== * We have a situation where we're looking very strongly at sinks and showers, and other elements of bathrooms.<br>You turn on the faucet and you don't get any water..<br>People are flushing toilets 10 times, 15 times.<br>They have so much water that it comes down. It's called rain. ** Quoted in {{citation |author=Matthew Cantor |title=Trump says people 'flush the toilet 10 times' and seeks solution |periodical=The Guardian |date=2019-12-06 |url=https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2019/dec/06/trump-says-people-flush-the-toilet-10-times-and-seeks-solution}} * So ridiculous. Greta must work on her Anger Management problem, then go to a good old fashioned movie with a friend! Chill Greta, Chill! ** Trump was commenting on the Swedish school pupil and climate activist Greta Thunberg after she was named Time’s Person of the Year for 2019, as quoted by {{citation | author=Reuters staff | title=Climate activist Thunberg hits back at Trump over anger management taunt | periodical=Reuters | date=2019-12-06 | url=https://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-election-thunberg-idUSKBN27M0TN}} * I never understood wind. I know windmills very much, I have studied it better than anybody. I know it is very expensive. They are made in China and Germany mostly, very few made here, almost none, but they are manufactured, tremendous—if you are into this—tremendous fumes and gases are spewing into the atmosphere. You know we have a world, right?<br>So the world is tiny compared to the universe. So tremendous, tremendous amount of fumes and everything. You talk about the carbon footprint, fumes are spewing into the air, right spewing, whether it is China or Germany, is going into the air.<br>You see all those [windmills]. They’re all different shades of color. They’re like sort of white, but one is like an orange-white. It’s my favorite color, orange. **[[w:Turning Point USA|Turning Point USA]] conference, {{#formatdate:2019-12-21}}, quoted in {{citation |author=Connor Mannion |title=Trump Attacks Windmills in Speech to Conservative Group: ‘I Never Understood Wind’ |periodical=Mediaite |date=2019-12-22 |url=https://www.mediaite.com/trump/trump-attacks-windmills-in-speech-to-conservative-group-i-never-understood-wind/}} ===2020=== * My administration will never stop fighting for Americans of faith ** At a rally for evangelicals earlier in 2020 according to [https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2020/09/trump-secretly-mocks-his-christian-supporters/616522/ Trump Secretly Mocks His Christian Supporters] September 29, 2020 ====January 2020==== * <!--[00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxEwTFJG1DQ&t=0s): Tesla's now worth more than GM and Ford; do you have comments on Elon Musk? --><!-- [00:04](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxEwTFJG1DQ&t=4s):--> Well, you have to give [[Elon Musk|him]] credit. I spoke to him very recently, and he's also doing the rockets, he likes rockets, and he does good at rockets too, by the way. I never saw… where [[w:Falcon 9 first-stage booster|the engines]] come down with no wings, no anything, [[w:Falcon 9 first-stage landings|and they're landing]]. I've said I've never seen that before. <!--[00:19](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxEwTFJG1DQ&t=19s):--> And I was worried about him, because he's one of our great geniuses, and we have to protect our genius. We have to protect [[Thomas Edison]], we have to protect all of these people that came up originally with the [[w:light bulb|light bulb]], and the [[w:wheel|wheel]], and all of these things. And he's one of our very smart people, and we want to cherish those people, that's very important. But he's done a very good job. <!--[00:41](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxEwTFJG1DQ&t=41s):--> Shocking, how well, …how it's come so fast. You go back a year, and they were talking about the end of [[w:Tesla, Inc.|the company]] and all of a sudden they're talking about these great things. He's going to be building [[w:Gigafactory|a very big plant]] in the United States. He has to. Because we help him, so he has to help us. ** on [[Elon Musk]], [[Tesla]], and [[SpaceX]] after Tesla stock valuation beat [[w:General Motors|General Motors]] and [[w:Ford Motor Company|Ford]] combined ** {{citation|url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxEwTFJG1DQ|title=Trump on Elon Musk: I was worried about him, because he's one of our great geniuses|interviewer=[[w:Joe Kernen|Joe Kernen]]|date=2020-01-22|work=CNBC Television|via=Youtube|location=[[w:World Economic Forum|World Economic Forum]], [[w:Davos|Davos]], Switzerland}} *'''{{w|Joe Kernen}}''': It was a couple of years ago. Before we get started-- with- we're going talk about the economy and a lot of other things--the [[Centers for Disease Control and Prevention|CDC]]-- has identified a case of [[w:2020 coronavirus pandemic in Washington (state)|coronavirus-- in Washington state]]. The {{w|Wuhan}} strain of this. If you remember {{w|SARS}}, that affected [[GDP]]. Travel-related effects. Do you-- have you been briefed by the CDC? And-- :'''Donald Trump''': I have, and-- :'''Joe Kernen''': --are there worries about a pandemic at this point? :'''Donald Trump''': No. Not at all. And-- we're-- we have it totally under control. <b>It's one person coming in from [[2019–20 coronavirus pandemic in mainland China|China]], and we have it under control.</b> It's—going to be just fine. :'''Joe Kernen''': Okay. And [[w:President of the People's Republic of China|President]] Xi-- there's just some-- talk in China that maybe the transparency isn't everything that it's going to be. Do you trust that we're going to know everything we need to know from China? :'''Donald Trump''': I do. I do. I have a great relationship with President Xi. [[w:China–United States trade war#2020|We just signed]] probably the biggest deal ever made. It certainly has the potential to be the biggest deal ever made. And-- it was a very interesting period of time time {{sic}}. :'''Joe Kernen''': Yeah. Let’s get into that-- :'''Donald Trump''': But we got it done, and-- no, I do. I think-- the [[China–United States relations|relationship]] is very, very good. :* Interview with {{w|CNBC}}'s {{w|Joe Kernen}} at the {{w|World Economic Forum}} in {{w|Davos, Switzerland}}, January 22, 2020. [https://www.cnbc.com/2020/01/22/cnbc-transcript-president-donald-trump-sits-down-with-cnbcs-joe-kernen-at-the-world-economic-forum-in-davos-switzerland.html Transcript online] at ''{{w|CNBC}}'' * China has been working very hard to contain the [[COVID-19 pandemic|Coronavirus]]. The United States greatly appreciates their efforts and transparency. ** Cited by {{citation |date=2020-01-24 |title=Trump Is Inciting a Coronavirus Culture War to Save Himself |author=Adam Serwer |periodical=The Atlantic |url=https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2020/03/trump-is-the-chinese-governments-most-useful-idiot/608638/}} *During National African American History Month, we honor the extraordinary contributions made by African Americans throughout the history of our Republic **[https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/proclamation-national-african-american-history-month-2020/ 31 January 2020] ***[https://twitter.com/CFTC/status/1233507203853758468 reposted 28 February 2020 by CFTC] ====February 2020==== * And by the way, the [[SARS-CoV-2|virus]]. They're working hard. Looks like by April, you know, in theory, when it gets a little warmer, it miraculously goes away. I hope that's true. ** Regarding [[Covid-19 pandemic in the United States|coronavirus]] ** Rally in Manchester, New Hampshire, {{#formatdate:2020-02-10}}, quoted in {{citation|date=2020-02-26|title=Trump’s dangerous message on coronavirus|author=Doyle McManus|periodical=LA Times|url=https://www.latimes.com/politics/story/2020-02-26/trumps-dangerous-message-on-coronavirus}} * There are a lot of dishonest slimeballs out there. Dishonest scum. Dirty cops, lot of dirty cops … the ones on top, they were absolute scum. ** Trump described former senior law enforcement officials who were involved in the FBI probes into his campaign, as quoted in {{citation|date=2020-02-20|title=Trump repeatedly struggles to pronounce words during conspiracy-laden rally, before suggesting he'll pardon Roger Stone in late-night tweet |author=Tom Embury-Dennis |periodical=Independent |url=https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-rally-twitter-roger-stone-sentence-pardon-2020-election-rally-phoenix-arizona-a9345956.html}} * And again, when you have 15 people, and the 15 within a couple of days is going to be down to close to zero, that's a pretty good job we've done. ** Regarding known [[COVID-19 pandemic in the United States|coronavirus cases]]. ** White House press conference, {{#formatdate:2020-02-26}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2020-03-11 |title=Coronavirus: US passes 1,000 cases – two weeks after Trump said number would soon be 'close to zero' |author=Chris Riotta |periodical=The Independent |location=UK |url=https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/coronavirus-cases-us-map-trump-how-many-infected-a9393061.html}} * We know all the people. We know all the good people. It's a question I asked the doctors before. Some of the people we cut, they haven't been used for many, many years, and if we ever need them, we can get them very quickly. And rather than spending the money — I'm a businessperson, I don't like having thousands of people around when you don't need 'em, when we need 'em, we can get them back very quickly. ** Asked about his consistent [[w:Criticism of response to the 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic#Funding cut by Trump administration|budget cuts]] to the CDC, the NIH, and the WHO. ** White House press conference, {{#formatdate:2020-02-26}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2020-02-28 |title=As the World Reaches for Face Masks, Trump Buries His Head in the Sand |author=Jonathan Chait |author-link=w:Jonathan Chait |periodical=New York |url=https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2020/02/trump-coronavirus-response.html}} * Can we get like ''[[Gone with the Wind (film)|Gone with the Wind]]'' back, please? ''[[Sunset Boulevard]]'', so many great movies. ** [https://economictimes.indiatimes.com/magazines/panache/trump-slams-oscar-winning-south-korean-film-parasite-praises-gone-with-the-wind/videoshow/74251536.cms] ** [https://economictimes.indiatimes.com/magazines/panache/trump-slams-oscar-winning-south-korean-film-parasite-praises-gone-with-the-wind/videoshow/74251536.cms Trump slams Oscar-winning South Korean film 'Parasite', praises 'Gone with the Wind']video posted February 22, 2020 * It's going to disappear. One day it's like a miracle, it will disappear. And from our shores, we — you know, it could get worse before it gets better. It could maybe go away. We'll see what happens. Nobody really knows. ** Regarding coronavirus ** African American History Month reception, White House, {{#formatdate:2020-02-27}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2020-02-29 |title=Inside Trump’s frantic attempts to minimize the coronavirus crisis |author= Yasmeen Abutaleb, Ashley Parker and Josh Dawsey |periodical=Washington Post |url=https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/inside-trumps-frantic-attempts-to-minimize-the-coronavirus-crisis/2020/02/29/7ebc882a-5b25-11ea-9b35-def5a027d470_story.html}}. Video of the event available at [https://www.c-span.org/video/?469786-1/president-trump-hosts-african-american-history-month-reception cspan] =====Donald Trump Charleston, South Carolina Rally (February 28, 2020)===== :<small>Donald Trump Charleston, South Carolina Rally (February 28, 2020), [https://www.rev.com/blog/transcripts/donald-trump-charleston-south-carolina-rally-transcript-february-28-2020 transcript online] at ''[[w:Rev (company)|Rev]]''.</small> * Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. All I can say is that the fake news just doesn't get it, do they? They don't get it. [inaudible 00:02:54] They just don't get it. Hello Charleston, and I'm thrilled to be back in the great state of [[South Carolina]] with thousands of hardworking American Patriots who believe in faith, family, God, and country. Thank you. It's a phenomenal crowd, only topped by the number of people outside that didn't get in. If anybody would like to give up where you're standing or your seat, please raise your hand. All right. Then let's begin, right? Thank you all very much though. This is great. No, they don't get it. Down the road, they have a rally for one of the people that are going to be running tomorrow. They're trying to get to a hundred, but they're not going to make it. So I think they're going to set up a round table. Well, that's what they do. So people want to go to a rally, they end up sitting at a round table talking about their definition of impeachment. Crazy. * No, it's crazy. Crazy! It's a crazy deal. No, the fake news media, they've been trying to figure this out for years. They still don't get it though. They don't get it. Look at all of those cameras. Look at all of those cameras. That's a lot of cameras. That's a lot of cameras, Lindsey and Tim, that's a lot of... They heard you guys were here. They heard Tim was here and that Lindsey was here and that... And they said, "We're not going to attend that rally," but when we heard those two guys plus our great congressmen, they're here, great congressmen. But this is an incredible time for our nation. We're thrilled to be in the midst of what we call the Great American Comeback and that's what it is. Jobs are booming, incomes are soaring, factories are returning, poverty is plummeting, confidence is surging, and we have completely rebuilt the awesome power of the United States military. Our country is stronger than ever before. * We are stronger, we are better, but while we are building a great future, the radical left Democrats in Washington are trying to burn it all down. They have spent the last three years, and I can even go further than that, three years since the election, but we go before the election, working to erase your ballots and overthrow our democracy. But with your help, we have exposed the far left's corruption and defeated their sinister schemes and let's see what happens in the coming months. Let's watch. Let's just watch. Very dishonest people. Now the Democrats are politicizing the coronavirus, you know that right? Coronavirus, they're politicizing it. We did one of the great jobs. You say, "How's President Trump doing?" They go, "Oh, not good, not good." They have no clue. They don't have any clue. They can't even count their votes in Iowa. They can't even count. No, they can't. They can't count their votes. * One of my people came up to me and said, "Mr. President, they tried to beat you on Russia, Russia, Russia." That didn't work out too well. They couldn't do it. They tried the [[Impeachment of Donald Trump|impeachment]] hoax. That was on a perfect conversation. They tried anything. They tried it over and over. They'd been doing it since you got in. It's all turning. They lost. It's all turning. Think of it. Think of it. '''And this is their new hoax.''' But we did something that's been pretty amazing. We have 15 people in this massive country and because of the fact that we went early. We went early, we could have had a lot more than that. We're doing great. Our country is doing so great. We are so unified. We are so unified. The Republican party has never ever been unified like it is now. There has never been a movement in the history of our country like we have now. Never been a movement. So a statistic that we want to talk about, go ahead. Say USA. It's okay. USA. So a number that nobody heard of, that I heard of recently and I was shocked to hear it, 35,000 people on average die each year from the flu. Did anyone know that? 35,000, that's a lot of people. It could go to 100,000, it could be 27,000. They say usually a minimum of 27, goes up to 100,000 people a year die. And so far we have lost nobody to [[w:2020 coronavirus pandemic in the United States|coronavirus in the United States]]. Nobody. And it doesn't mean we won't and we are totally prepared. It doesn't mean we won't, but think of it. You hear 35 and 40,000 people and we've lost nobody and you wonder the press is in hysteria mode. CNN fake news and the camera just went off, the camera. The camera just went off. Turn it back on. Hey, by the way, hold it. Look at this, and honestly, all events are like this. It's about us. It's all about us. I wish they'd take the camera, show the arena please. They never do. They never do. They never do it. They never show the arena. You can hear it because when you hear it, that's not 200 people. That's not a hundred people. That's thousands and thousands of people including people outside. You can hear it. They always show my face. See that face? They show my face. I want them to show the arena, not my face, right? [...] While the extreme left has been wasting America's time with these vile hoaxes, we've been killing terrorists, creating jobs, raising wages, enacting fair trade deals, securing our border, and lifting up citizens of every race, religion, color, and creed. We added another 225,000 jobs last month alone. And that makes seven million jobs since our election, seven million. The [[unemployment]] rate in the great state of South Carolina. You ever hear of that place? * Practically every one. Can you believe it? I'm sure your husbands are thrilled, right? They're thrilled. Where are you going tonight? I'm going to another Trump rally. Cool. Number 114. What do your husbands say about that? This group up here. She said, "We don't care." Thank you. Thank you. Democrats will only say horrible things even though they know we're doing a great job. We're doing a great job with what we have to work with. It's incredible. The Democrats want us to fail so badly. Even if their actions, and you take a look, hurt the people of this country, they'll hurt the people themselves, their wealth, their everything. They're willing to hurt our country in order to say bad, even if they know it's not so. We made an unbelievable deal with [[Mexico]], with [[Canada]], with [[China]], with South Korea, with [[Japan]]. And if you put a microphone with these people back there like the Academy Awards used to be, not anymore. Best movie of the year. It's made in [[South Korea]]. What's that all about? I'm waiting to see the best movie of the year- * And it's made... He said, "It's garbage." Only in South Carolina can you say that. Only in South Carolina. You're going to get us in trouble. No, I'm just repeating what he said for the fake news. No, but seriously the Academy Awards has gone way, way down in ratings. Do you know why? Because they started attacking us and we don't believe in it anymore. That's why. No, but they had [[Parasite (2019 film)|the best movie of the year made in South Korea]]. They make enough stuff for us, right? And they're good. They're our friends. Take advantage of us, that's okay. Not so much anymore. We are really, you take a look, magnificently organized with the best professionals in the world. We're prepared for the absolute worst. You have to be prepared for the worst, but hopefully it will all amount to very little. That's why I tell you when we have the flu with 35,000 people and this one we have to take it very, very seriously. That's what we're doing. We are preparing for the worst. * My administration has taken the most aggressive action in modern history to prevent the [[COVID-19 pandemic in the United States|spread of this illness in the United States]]. We are ready. We are ready. Totally ready. On January 31st, I ordered the suspension of foreign nationals who have recently been in China from entering the United States. An action which the Democrats loudly criticized and protested and now everybody's complimenting me saying, "Thank you very much. You were 100% correct." Could've been a whole different story. But I say, so let's get this right. A [[SARS-CoV-2|virus]] starts in China, bleeds its way into various countries all around the world, doesn't spread widely at all in the United States because of the early actions that myself and my administration took against a lot of other wishes, and the Democrats' single talking point, and you see it, is that it's Donald Trump's fault, right? It's Donald Trump's fault. No, just things that happened. * But you know what this does show you? Things happen. Whoever thought of this two weeks ago? Who would've thought this could be going on four weeks ago? You wouldn't. But things happen in life and you have to be prepared and you have to be flexible and you have to be able to go out and get it. And my guys that we have the best professionals in the world, the best in the world and we are so ready. At the same time that I initiated the first federally mandated quarantine in over 50 years. We had a quarantine some people. They weren't happy, they weren't happy about it. I want to tell you there are a lot of people that not so happy, but after two weeks they got happy. You know who got happy? The people around them got happy. That's who got happy. **Note: [[Luciana Borio]], former director of Medical and Biodefense Preparedness Policy at the {{w|National Security Council}}, said at a symposium at {{w|Emory University}} in [[Atlanta]] in 2018, marking the 100th anniversary of [[1918 flu pandemic]]: "[[Disease X|The threat]] of {{w|pandemic flu}} is the number one health security concern, are we ready to respond? I fear the answer is no." As quoted in ''[https://www.factcheck.org/2020/03/contrary-to-trumps-claim-a-pandemic-was-widely-expected-at-some-point/ Contrary to Trump's Claim, A Pandemic Was Widely Expected at Some Point]'' (March 20, 2020) by Rem Rieder, ''{{w|FactCheck.org}}''. * I also created a [[White House Coronavirus Task Force|White House virus task force]]. It's a big thing, a virus task force. I requested 2.5 billion dollars to ensure we have the resources we need. The Democrats said, "That's terrible. He's doing the wrong thing. He needs eight and a half billion, not two and a half." I've never had that before. I ask for two and a half, they want to give me eight and a half, so I said, "I'll take it." Does that make me a bad... I'll take it. I'll take it. I never had that before. I never had it. We want two and a half million. That's plenty. We demand you take eight and a half. He doesn't know what he's doing. We want eight and a half. These people are crazy. We must understand that border security is also health security. And you've all seen the wall has gone up like magic. It's gone up like magic. You think that was an easy one? That was not an easy one. It's going up great and we're up now 132 miles and this is the exact wall that border security, water, everything. * So I don't know what the record attendance is in this arena, but I was told that we broke it by a lot. And you got the people outside. Are we allowed to tell them who we would like them to vote for? Because you're allowed to skip. All right, so wait a minute, let's do a poll. We do this for the fake news back there. Ready? Who would be the best candidate for us? Not for them. We're ready. Ready? So let's go through them just quickly. We won't include Steyer because he's a loser. He's out, okay? We won't include him. Who would be the best? This is a real poll. This isn't one of those fake polls taken by ... In all fairness, I love you, [[Fox News|Fox]], taken by Fox, the worst pollster. This guy ... this pollster hates Trump's guts. I was losing the last election by a fortune. They said, "He did great with women." Everything was wrong. And they never replaced this guy. But watch this. You ready? * We had a great event yesterday, an event that was so beautiful, young African American leaders. One of the things I asked them, and I’ve been thinking about this for a long time… And great people, great people. Some of them are here tonight. Do you like the name African American or Black? And they said, “Black!” all at the same time. No, true. I tell you. Because you say, “[[African American]] or Black?” And they said almost immediately, “Black.” But we had an incredible group of people and what happened is {{w|NBC}}… It was such a love fest. It was so incredible. It went on for 45 minutes. It was a love fest. It was incredible. NBC turned down… There they are right there. They turned down… {{w|Comcast}}, which owns NBC… Actually NBC, I think, we call it [[w:List of nicknames used by Donald Trump#Organizations|MSDNC]], right? MSDNC. But NBC I think is worse than CNN. I actually do. And Comcast, a company that spends millions and millions of dollars on their image… I’ll do everything possible to destroy their image because they are terrible. They are terrible. They’re a terrible group of people. And they paid me a fortune for years for [[w:The Apprentice (American TV series)|the Apprentice]]. They paid me a fortune. And when I left the show, it was doing great. When I left the show, 14 seasons, think of that, they got a [[Arnold Schwarzenegger|big movie star]]. I won’t tell you his name. Nobody would know. Actually nobody will know his name because he was on for such a short period of time. But the show went down the tubes very quickly after they had Trump. But the country in five years from now, of course you want to upset them, five years or nine years or 13 years. Or 18 years! 10 more years. Nah. Oh, they go crazy when you say it. When you say to them five more years, so it’s five, but you then say maybe nine, maybe 13, maybe 17, maybe 21, or not, maybe 21. Let’s do this. Let’s term limit ourselves at 25 years. No more than 25 years. No more. Okay. They’ll pass something in the Senate. Tim, pass it in the Senate with Lindsey, a 25 year term limit please. ====March 2020==== * Well, I think the 3.4% is really a false number. Now, and this is just my hunch, and — but based on a lot of conversations with a lot of people that do this. Because a lot people will have this and it's very mild. They'll get better very rapidly. They don't even see a doctor. They don't even call a doctor. You never hear about those people. So you can't put them down in the category of the overall population in terms of this [[Coronavirus|corona flu and/or virus]]. So you just can't do that. So, if, you know, we have thousands or hundreds of thousands of people that get better just by, you know, sitting around and even going to work. Some of them go to work, but they get better. ** ''Hannity'', Fox News, {{#formatdate:2020-03-04}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2020-03-05 |author=Inae Oh |title=Trump Unleashes More Coronavirus Misinformation on National Television |periodical=Mother Jones |url=https://www.motherjones.com/politics/2020/03/donald-trump-coronavirus-sean-hannity/}} * But as of right now and yesterday, anybody that needs a test — That's the important thing. And [[COVID-19 testing|the tests]] are all perfect. Like, the letter was perfect. The transcription was perfect. Right? This was not as perfect as that but pretty good. ** Comparing coronavirus tests to his Ukraine phone call that led to his impeachment ** during tour of Center for Disease Control and Prevention in Atlanta, {{#formatdate:2020-03-06}}, quoted in {{citation|date=2020-03-06|title=Trump Says Coronavirus Testing Is as ‘Perfect’ as His Ukraine Call|author=Chas Danner|periodical=New York|url=https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2020/03/trump-coronavirus-testing-as-perfect-as-ukraine-call.html}} * They would like to have the people come off. I'd rather have the people stay, but I'd go with them. I told them to make the final decision. I would rather — because I like the numbers being where they are. I don't need to have the numbers double because of one ship that wasn't our fault. ** regarding Grand Princess cruise ship with 21 diagnosed cases of coronavirus ** during tour of Center for Disease Control and Prevention in Atlanta, {{#formatdate:2020-03-06}}, quoted in {{citation|date=2020-03-06|title=Trump Says ‘People Have to Remain Calm’ Amid Coronavirus Outbreak|author=Peter Baker|periodical=New York Times|url=https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/06/us/politics/trump-coronavirus-cdc.html}} * You know, my uncle was a great person. He was at MIT. He taught at MIT for, I think, like a record number of years. He was a great super genius. Dr. John Trump. I like this stuff. I really get it. People are surprised that I understand it. Every one of these doctors said, "How do you know so much about this?" Maybe I have a natural ability. Maybe I should have done that instead of running for President. ** during tour of Center for Disease Control and Prevention in Atlanta, {{#formatdate:2020-03-06}}, quoted in {{citation|date=2020-03-06|title=‘Maybe I have a natural ability’: Trump plays medical expert on coronavirus by second-guessing the professionals|author=David Nakamura|periodical=Washington Post|url=https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/maybe-i-have-a-natural-ability-trump-plays-medical-expert-on-coronavirus-by-second-guessing-the-professionals/2020/03/06/3ee0574c-5ffb-11ea-9055-5fa12981bbbf_story.html}} * I've been briefed on every contingency you can possibly imagine. Many contingencies. A lot of—a lot of positive. Different numbers. All different numbers. Very large numbers. And some small numbers too, by the way. ** Regarding coronavirus. Posed question: "Mr. President, have you been briefed that up to 100 million Americans would ultimately be exposed to the virus?" ** [https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-meeting-republican-senators-2/ Briefing at the White House] ({{#formatdate:2020-03-10}}) * No, '''I don't take responsibility at all''', because we were given a set of circumstances and we were given rules, regulations and specifications from a different time. ** Asked if he took responsibility for the lag in coronavirus testing ** White House press conference, {{#formatdate:2020-03-13}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2020-03-13 |title='I don't take responsibility at all': Trump pushes back on complaints about coronavirus testing |author=Zachary Halaschak |periodical=Washington Examiner |url=https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/news/i-dont-take-responsibility-at-all-trump-pushes-back-on-complaints-about-coronavirus-testing}} * They're trying to scare everybody, from meetings, cancel the meetings, close the schools—you know, destroy the country. And that's okay, as long as we can win the [[2020 United States presidential election|election]]. ** Fundraiser, Mar-a-Lago, quoted in {{citation |date=2020-03-15 |title=Trump says media 'scare' coverage of coronavirus response OK 'as long as we can win the election': Report |author=Daniel Chaitin |periodical=Washington Examiner |url=https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/news/trump-says-media-scare-coverage-of-coronavirus-response-okay-as-long-as-we-can-win-the-election-report}} * It's a very contagious virus. It's incredible. But it's something we have tremendous control of. I think very important the young people, people of good health and groups of people just are not strongly affected. ** In a White House briefing, as quoted in {{citation |date=2020-03-15 |title=Fact check: Trump falsely claims US has 'tremendous control' of the coronavirus |author=Daniel Dale |periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/03/15/politics/fact-check-trump-control-coronavirus/index.html}} * Respirators, ventilators, all of the equipment—try getting it yourselves. We will be backing you, but try getting it yourselves. Point of sales, much better, much more direct if you can get it yourself. ** Call with governors, quoted in {{citation |date=2020-03-16 |title=Trump tells governors to seek out respirators and other vital equipment on their own. |author=''The New York Times'' staff |periodical=The New York Times |url=https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/16/world/coronavirus-news.html}} * We have an invisible enemy. We have a problem a month ago nobody ever thought about. [...] This is a bad one, this is a very bad one. This is bad in the sense that it's so contagious. It's just so contagious. Sort of record-setting type contagion. ** Coronavirus task force press briefing, {{#formatdate:2020-03-16}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2020-03-17 |title=The Last Great Pandemic |author=Jarrett Stepman |periodical=The Daily Signal |url=https://www.dailysignal.com/2020/03/17/the-last-great-pandemic/}} * <p>''Q:'' Very simple question; does the buck stop with you? And on a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your response to this crisis?</p><p>''Donald Trump:'' I'd rate it a 10. I think we've done a great job. And it started with the fact that we kept a very highly infected country, despite all of the—even the professionals saying no, it's too early to do that, we were very, very early with respect to China. And we would have a whole different situation in this country if we didn't do that. I would rate it a very, very—I would rate ourselves and—and the professionals—I think the professionals have done a fantastic job.</p> ** Coronavirus task force press briefing, {{#formatdate:2020-03-16}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2020-03-16 |title=Trump: I'd Rate My Response To Coronavirus a 10 |author=Ian Schwartz |periodical=RealClearPolitics |url=https://www.realclearpolitics.com/video/2020/03/16/trump_id_rate_my_response_to_coronavirus_a_10.html}} * <p>''Q:'' Does the buck stop with you, Mr. President? Does the buck stop with you?</p><p>''Donald Trump:'' Yeah, normally. But I think when you hear the—you know, this has never been done before in this country.</p> ** Coronavirus task force press briefing, {{#formatdate:2020-03-16}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2020-03-16 |title=Trump says buck 'normally' stops with him — but not for coronavirus |author=Oliver Willis |periodical=American Independent |url=https://americanindependent.com/donald-trump-coronavirus-response-buck-stops-here-white-house-covid-19/}} * <p>''Peter Alexander:'' How are non-symptomatic professional athletes getting tests while others are waiting in line and can't get them?</p><p>''Donald Trump:'' No, I wouldn’t say so, but '''perhaps that’s been the story of life'''. That does happen on occasion and I’ve noticed where some people have been tested fairly quickly.</p> ** Coronavirus task force press briefing, {{#formatdate:2020-03-18}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2020-03-18 |title=Coronavirus: Trump says it may be 'the story of life' that well-connected get testing first |author=Janelle Griffith |periodical=NBC News |url=https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/coronavirus-nyc-mayor-slams-nets-over-testing-trump-weighs-n1162971}} * <p>''Peter Alexander:'' What do you say to Americans who are scared though? I guess, nearly 200 dead, 14,000 who are sick, millions, as you witnessed, who are scared right now? What do you say to Americans who are watching you right now who are scared?</p><p>''Donald Trump:'' I say that you're a terrible reporter, that's what I say. I think that's a very nasty question.</p> ** Coronavirus task force press briefing, {{#formatdate:2020-03-20}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2020-03-20 |title=Trump launches into tirade against media, insults NBC reporter at coronavirus briefing |author=Adam Edelman |periodical=NBC News |url=https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-rips-reporter-who-asked-him-calm-scared-americans-terrible-n1165031}} * We're [[w:Trump administration communication during the COVID-19 pandemic#Lifting restrictions|opening up]] this incredible country. Because we have to do that. I'd love to have it open by Easter. I would love to have it opened by Easter. It's such an important day for other reasons, but I will make it an important day for this, too. I would love to have the country opened up and just rarin' to go by [[Easter]]. ** Fox News town hall, {{#formatdate:2020-03-24}} * Look, Easter's a very special day for me. And I see it's sort of in that timeline that I'm thinking about. And I say, "Wouldn't it be great to have all of the churches full?" – you know the churches aren't allowed, essentially, to have much of a congregation there. And most of 'em, I watched on Sunday, online. And it was terrific, by the way, but online is never going to be like being there. So I think Easter Sunday, and you'll have packed churches all over our country. I think it would be a beautiful time. And it's just about the timeline that I think is right. ** Fox News interview, {{#formatdate:2020-03-24}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2020-03-24 |title=Coronavirus: Trump says Easter with ‘packed churches’ would be ‘beautiful time’ to reopen US |author=John T Bennett |periodical=The Independent |location=UK |url=https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-coronavirus-news-reopen-us-borders-easter-holiday-a9423041.html}} * I have a feeling that a lot of the numbers that are being said in some areas are just bigger than they’re going to be, I don't believe you need 40,000 or 30,000 ventilators. You go into major hospitals sometimes, and they’ll have two ventilators. And now all of a sudden they’re saying, 'Can we order 30,000 ventilators?' ** Speaking with [[Sean Hannity]] on [[Fox News]] on 26 March 2020. As quoted in ''[https://www.politico.com/news/2020/03/26/trump-ventilators-coronavirus-151311 Trump: I don't believe you really need that many ventilators]'', 27 March 2020, ''{{w|Politico}}''. * Don't be a cutie pie, okay? ** Trump responding to the question “But everybody who needs one will be able to get a ventilator?” from reporter Jonathan Karl. As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-03-27 |title=Trump to reporter pressing him about ventilators: 'Don't be a cutie pie' |author=Tal Axelrod |periodical=The Hill |url=https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/489958-trump-to-reporter-pressing-him-about-ventilators-dont-be-a-cutie-pie}} * ...young people are really, this is an incredible phenomenon, but they are attacked, successfully attacked to a much lesser extent by [[2019–20 coronavirus pandemic|this pandemic]], by this disease. This whatever they want to call it. '''You call it a germ, you can call it a flu, you can call it a virus. You know, you can call it many different names. I'm not sure anybody even knows what it is''', but the children do very well. ** Coronavirus task force press briefing, {{#formatdate:2020-03-27}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2020-03-27 |title=Trump on Coronavirus: "I'm Not Sure Anybody Even Knows What It Is"; "You Can Call It A Germ, You Can Call It A Flu" |author=Ian Schwartz |periodical=RealClearPolitics |url=https://www.realclearpolitics.com/video/2020/03/27/trump_on_coronavirus_im_not_sure_anybody_even_knows_what_it_is_you_can_call_it_a_germ_you_can_call_it_a_flu.html}} * Just finished a very good conversation with [[Xi Jinping|President Xi]] of China. Discussed in great detail the CoronaVirus that is ravaging large parts of our Planet. China has been through much & has developed a strong understanding of the Virus. We are working closely together. Much respect! ** Quoted in {{citation |date=2020-03-27 |title=Trump claims Asian Americans are angry at 'what China has done' to U.S. |author=Kimmy Yam |periodical=Yahoo News / NBC News |url=https://news.yahoo.com/trump-claims-asian-americans-angry-190959445.html}} * Nobody could have imagined a thing like this — a tragedy like this would have happened: the invisible enemy. ** As quoted in ''[https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-meeting-supply-chain-distributors-covid-19/ Remarks by President Trump in a Meeting with Supply Chain Distributors on COVID-19]'' (March 29, 2020), ''{{w|whitehouse.gov}}''. * The [[Federal government of the United States|federal government]] has done something that nobody has done anything like this other than perhaps wartime. And that’s what we’re in: We’re in a war. ** As quoted in ''[https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-meeting-supply-chain-distributors-covid-19/ Remarks by President Trump in a Meeting with Supply Chain Distributors on COVID-19]'' (March 29, 2020), ''{{w|whitehouse.gov}}''. * My administration has done a job on really working across government and with the private sector, and it’s been incredible. It’s a beautiful thing to watch, I have to say. Unfortunately, the end result of the group we’re fighting — which are hundreds of billions and trillions of germs, or whatever you want to call them — they are bad news. This virus is bad news and it moves quickly, and it spreads as easily as anything anyone has ever seen. ** As quoted in ''[https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-meeting-supply-chain-distributors-covid-19/ Remarks by President Trump in a Meeting with Supply Chain Distributors on COVID-19]'' (March 29, 2020), ''{{w|whitehouse.gov}}''. * I just want to reiterate, because a lot of people have been asking, well, what would have happened if we did nothing? Did nothing, we just rode it out, and I’ve been asking that question to Tony and Deborah, and they’ve been talking to me about it for a long time, other people have been asking that question, and I think we got our most accurate study today, or certainly most comprehensive. Think of the number, potentially, 2.2 million people if we did nothing. If we didn’t do the distancing, if we didn’t do all of the things that we’re doing. When you hear those numbers, you start to realize that, with the kind of work we went through last week, with the $2.2 trillion, it no longer sounds like a lot, right? You’re talking about, when I heard the number today, first time I’ve heard that number, because I’ve been asking the same question that some people have been asking, I felt even better about what we did last week with the $2.2 trillion, because you’re talking about a potential of up to 2.2 million, and some people said it could even be higher than that. So you’re talking about 2.2 million deaths. 2.2 million people from this. If we can hold that down as we’re saying, to 100,000, it’s a horrible number. Maybe even less, but to 100,000, so we have between 100 and 200,000, we altogether have done a very good job. 2.2, up to 2.2 million deaths and maybe even beyond that? I’m feeling very good about what we did last week. ** Coronavirus Task Force Briefing, March 29, 2020, [https://www.rev.com/blog/transcripts/donald-trump-coronavirus-task-force-briefing-transcript-march-29-trump-extends-task-force-guidelines-to-april-30 transcript online] at ''[[w:Rev (company)|Rev]]'' * I know South Korea better than anybody, it's a very tight — do you know how many people are in Seoul? Do you know how big the city of Seoul is? 38 million people. That's bigger than anything we have. ** Trump talking about Seoul, which is a city with 10 million people according to the city government's English language website. As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-03-30 |title=Trump tried to flex by asking a reporter about the population of Seoul. Then he got it wrong by 28 million. |author=Jake Lahut |periodical=Business Insider |url=https://www.businessinsider.com/coronavirus-trump-got-the-population-of-seoul-wrong-by-millions-2020-3?r=US&IR=T}} ====April 2020==== * It's called "[[social media]]." It's social media. It gets out. I have, you know, hundreds of millions of people. Number one on [[Facebook]]. Did you know I was number one on Facebook? I mean, I just found out I'm number one on Facebook. I thought that was very nice for whatever it means. No, it represents something. And when I can explain to people: Just don't do it. You know, it's going to be bad if you do it. It's going to be really bad. And they don't need to do it. They have enough problems. [[Iran]] has enough problems without doing that. But we’ve been pulling back very substantially over the last year, in [[Iraq]]. And so, you know, that's the way it is. ** Coronavirus task force press briefing, {{#formatdate:2020-04-01}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2020-04-01 |title=Remarks by President Trump, Vice President Pence, and Members of the Coronavirus Task Force in Press Briefing |author=James S. Brady |periodical=White House |url=https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-vice-president-pence-members-coronavirus-task-force-press-briefing-16/}}. ** Note: At April 1, [https://web.archive.org/web/20200401020635if_/https://www.facebook.com/DonaldTrump/ Trump's official page], with 26.8 million likes and 28.5 million followers, was not among the [[w:List of most-followed Facebook pages|most-followed Facebook pages]]. At January 6, speaking on [[Rush Limbaugh]]'s radio show Trump stated that [[Mark Zuckerberg]] told him that he was "number one on Facebook", claim that was not refuted by Facebook as reported in ''[https://www.huffingtonpost.com.au/entry/trump-mark-zuckerberg-facebook_n_5e12e125e4b0843d3615393f Trump Claims Mark Zuckerberg Told Him He's 'Number One On Facebook']'' (January 8, 2020) by Josephine Harvey, ''{{w|HuffPost Australia}}'' * We’re working to ensure that the supplies are delivered where and when they’re needed, and in some cases, we’re telling governors we can’t go there because we don’t think you need it and we think someplace else needs it. And pretty much, so far, we’ve been right about that. And we’ll continue to do it. As it really gets — this will be probably the toughest week between this week and next week. And there’ll be a lot of death, unfortunately, but a lot less death than if this wasn’t done. But there will be death. ** As quoted in ''[https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-vice-president-pence-members-coronavirus-task-force-press-briefing-19/ Remarks by President Trump, Vice President Pence, and Members of the Coronavirus Task Force in Press Briefing]'' (April 4, 2020), ''{{w|whitehouse.gov}}'' * So we’ve done 1,670,000 tests. Think of that 1,670,000 tests. And we have a great system. Now we’re working with the states in almost all instances, but we have a great system. And the other thing that we bought a tremendous amount of is the [[Hydroxychloroquine|hydroxy chloroquine]]. Hydroxy chloroquine, which I think is, you know, it’s a great [[malaria]] drug. It’s worked unbelievably. It’s a powerful drug on malaria and [[w:Hydroxychloroquine#COVID-19|there are signs]] that it works on this, some very strong signs and in the meantime it’s been around a long time. It also works very powerfully on lupus, so there are some very strong powerful signs and we’ll have to see because again, it’s tested. ** Coronavirus Task Force Briefing, April 5. [https://www.rev.com/blog/transcripts/donald-trump-coronavirus-task-force-briefing-transcript-april-5 Transcript] at ''[[w:Rev (company)|Rev]]''. * Now this is a new thing that just happened to as the invisible enemy we call it. And if you can, if you have a no signs of heart problems, the {{w|azithromycin}}, which will kill certain things that you don’t want living within your body. It’s a powerful drug. If you don’t have a problem, a heart problem, we would say, let your doctor think about it, but as a combination, I think they’re going to be, I think there’s two things that should be looked at very strongly. Now, we have purchased and we have stockpiled 29 million pills of the hydroxy chloroquine, 29 million. A lot of drug stores have them by prescription and also, and they’re not expensive. Also, we’re sending them to various labs. Our military, we’re sending them to the hospitals, we’re sending them all over. I just think it’s something, you know the expression, I’ve used it for certain reasons. ** Coronavirus Task Force Briefing, April 5. [https://www.rev.com/blog/transcripts/donald-trump-coronavirus-task-force-briefing-transcript-april-5 Transcript] at ''[[w:Rev (company)|Rev]]''. * What do you have to lose? What do you have to lose? And a lot of people are saying that when … and are taking it, if you’re a doctor, a nurse, a first responder, a medical person going into hospitals, they say taking it before the fact is good, but what do you have to lose? They say, take it, I’m not looking at it one way or the other, but we want to get out of this. If it does work, it would be a shame if we didn’t do it early. But we have some very good signs. So that’s hydroxy chloroquine and as azithromycin, and again, you have to go through your medical people get the approval. But I’ve seen things that I sort of like, so what do I know? I’m not a doctor, I’m not a doctor, but I have common sense. ** Coronavirus Task Force Briefing, April 5. [https://www.rev.com/blog/transcripts/donald-trump-coronavirus-task-force-briefing-transcript-april-5 Transcript] at ''[[w:Rev (company)|Rev]]''. * The [[w:Food and Drug Administration|FDA]] feels good about it. They’ve, as you know, they’ve approved it. They gave it a rapid approved approval. And the reason because it’s been out there for a long time and they know the side effects and they also know the potential. So based on that, we have sent it throughout the country. We have it stockpiled about 29 million doses, 29 million doses. We have a lot of it. We hope it works. Driven by the goal of the brightest minds in science. We have the brightest minds in science, but we were driven by the goal of getting rid of this plague, getting rid of this scourge, getting rid of this virus. These brilliant minds are working on the most effective antiviral therapies and vaccines. We are working very, very hard. I have met many of the doctors that are doing it. These are doctors that are working so hard on vanquishing the virus. ** Coronavirus Task Force Briefing, April 5. [https://www.rev.com/blog/transcripts/donald-trump-coronavirus-task-force-briefing-transcript-april-5 Transcript] at ''[[w:Rev (company)|Rev]]''. ** Note: Hydroxychloroquine use is not approved by the FDA [[w:Hydroxychloroquine#COVID-19|for COVID-19]] as of 7 April 2020. * I want them to try it. It may work, and it may not work. But if it doesn’t work, it’s nothing lost by doing it. Nothing. Because we know long-term what I want. I want to save lives, and I don’t want it to be in a lab for the next year-and-a-half as people are dying all over the place. In [[w:2020 coronavirus pandemic in France|France]], they had a very good test. They’re continuing. But we don’t have time to go and say, gee, let’s take a couple of years and test it out, and let’s go and test with the test tubes and the laboratories. We don’t have time. I’d love to do that, but we have people dying today. As we speak, there are people dying. If it works, that’d be great. If it doesn’t work, we know for many years malaria, it’s incredible what it’s done for malaria. It’s incredible what it’s done for lupus, but it doesn’t kill people. ** On using the drug as treatment for [[coronavirus disease 2019]] (COVID-19). Coronavirus Task Force Briefing (April 5, 2020). [https://www.rev.com/blog/transcripts/donald-trump-coronavirus-task-force-briefing-transcript-april-5 Transcript] at ''[[w:Rev (company)|Rev]]''. * '''Speaker to [[Anthony Fauci]]''': And would you also weigh in on this issue of hydroxychloroquine? What do you think about this and what is the medical evidence? :'''Donald Trump''': You know how many times he’s answered that question? :'''Speaker''': I’d love to hear from the doctor. :'''Donald Trump''': Maybe 15. 15 times. You don’t have to ask the question. :'''Speaker''': He’s your medical expert, correct? :'''Donald Trump''': He answered that question 15 times. :* On using the drug as treatment for [[coronavirus disease 2019]] (COVID-19). Coronavirus Task Force Briefing (April 5, 2020). [https://www.rev.com/blog/transcripts/donald-trump-coronavirus-task-force-briefing-transcript-april-5 Transcript] at ''[[w:Rev (company)|Rev]]'' * She created over 15 million jobs. ** Donald Trump talking about his daughter Ivanka Trump in a call with business leaders. No explanation or supporting evidence was provided. {{citation |date=2020-04-07 |title=Trump claims that his daughter created 10 percent of all the jobs in the United States |author=Ian Millhiser |periodical=Vox |url=https://www.vox.com/2020/4/8/21212802/trump-ivanka-10-percent-jobs-walmart-15-million}} * This is a very brilliant enemy. You know, it's a brilliant enemy. They develop drugs like the antibiotics, you see it. Antibiotics used to solve every problem. Now one of the biggest problems the world has is the germ has gotten so brilliant, that the antibiotic can't keep up with it. And they're constantly trying to come up with a new— People go to a hospital and they catch– They go for a heart operation, that's no problem, but they end up dying from, from... problems. You know the problems I'm talking about. ** Coronavirus task force press briefing, {{#formatdate:2020-04-10}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2020-04-10 |title=Watch: Trump Appears To Believe That Coronavirus Is A Bacteria, Not A Virus |author=Jake Thomas |periodical=The Intellectualist |url=https://mavenroundtable.io/theintellectualist/news/watch-trump-appears-to-believe-that-coronavirus-is-a-bacteria-not-a-virus-qNAKtyts0UCLxCPxQv0EQg}} * When someone is president of the United States the authority is total. ** Coronavirus task force press briefing, {{#formatdate:2020-04-13}}, quoted by {{citation |date=2020-04-13 |title=CNN reporter flat-out contradicts Trump to his face when he claims king-like authority |author=Cody Fenwick |periodical=RawStory |url=https://www.rawstory.com/2020/04/cnn-reporter-flat-out-contradicts-trump-to-his-face-when-he-claims-king-like-authority/}} * The delays the [[WHO]] experienced in declaring a [[w:Public health emergency|public health emergency]] cost valuable time tremendous amounts of time; more time was lost in the delay it took to get a team of international experts and to examine the outbreak which we wanted to do which they should have done. The inability of the WHO to obtain virus samples to this date has deprived the scientific community of essential data. New data that emerges across the world on a daily basis points to the unreliability of the initial reports and the world received all sorts of false information about transmission and mortality. The silence of the WHO on the disappearance of scientific researchers and doctors and new restrictions on the sharing of research into the origins of COVID-19 in the country of origin is deeply concerning especially when we put up by far the largest amount of money, not even close. Had the WHO done its job to get medical experts into China to objectively assess the situation on the ground and to call out China's lack of transparency, the outbreak could have been contained as a source with very little death, very little death, and certainly very little death by comparison. This would have saved thousands of lives and avoided worldwide economic damage. Instead the WHO willingly took China's assurances to face value, and they took it just at face value and defended the actions of the Chinese government, even praising China for its so-called transparency. I don't think so. The WHO pushed China's misinformation about the virus, saying it was not communicable, and there was no need for travel bans. They told us when we put on our travel ban a very strong travel ban, there was no need to do it. Don't do it; they actually fought us. The WHO's reliance on China's disclosures likely caused a 20-fold increase in cases worldwide, and it may be much more than that. ** White House coronavirus task force briefing (April 14, 2020), [https://www.realclearpolitics.com/video/2020/04/14/trump_halts_who_funding_full_accountability_for_pushing_chinas_misinformation_about_coronavirus.html transcript online] at ''{{w|RealClearPolitics}}'' * Look, I could tell you about — and I’m not going to do it, because I didn’t want to bring it up — but I could tell you about events that took place. And I said things like, “You’ll never do that again” or “You’ll never do this again” or — I don’t even want to mention the events. I don’t want to mention what you’re supposed to be doing because — and you know one of them was so horrible.  I said, “A certain industry will be out of business — never happen again.” Two weeks later, it was like nothing ever happened. Hopefully, we get rid of this. We have tremendous talent up here and all over, including governors, including local governments, state governments. ** [https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-vice-president-pence-members-coronavirus-task-force-press-briefing-april-17-2020/ Remarks by President Trump, Vice President Pence, and Members of the Coronavirus Task Force in Press Briefing | April 17, 2020] * That’s why your ratings are so bad because you’re pathetic. Go ahead. Let’s go. Your ratings are terrible. You got to get back to real news. Go ahead. ** Trump interrupting a reporter who started a question with "The first of the month is next week ... " White House coronavirus task force briefing (April 19, 2020), [https://www.rev.com/blog/transcripts/donald-trump-coronavirus-press-conference-transcript-april-19 Donald Trump Coronavirus Press Conference Transcript April 19] * I think I read yesterday a report that we’ve done more than everybody — every other country — combined, <BR> * We’ve tested more than every other country in the world even put together. ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-04-21 |title=Trump just said the US has done more coronavirus testing than the rest of the world. Not even close. |author=Aaron Rupar |periodical=Vox |url=https://www.vox.com/2020/4/21/21230400/trump-coronavirus-briefing-testing-other-countries-combined}} ** Note: At that time, the US had done just above 4 million tests, while worldwide more than 20 million tests had been done. *And then I see '''the disinfectant''' where it knocks it out in a minute. One minute.<br>And is there a way we can do something like that, by injection inside or almost a cleaning?<br>Because, you see, it gets on the lungs, and it does a tremendous number on the lungs.<br>So it'd be interesting to check that.<br>So that you're going to have to use medical doctors, but it sounds — it sounds interesting to me. ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-04-23 |title='It's irresponsible and it's dangerous': Experts rip Trump's idea of injecting disinfectant to treat COVID-19 |author=Jan C. Timm |periodical=NBC News |url=https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2020-election/it-s-irresponsible-it-s-dangerous-experts-rip-trump-s-n1191246}} ** Note: Trump's Food and Drug Administration specifically warned against drinking the chemicals in disinfectants, noting that consumption of such products "can cause nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, and symptoms of severe dehydration." ***despite this, Biden in July 2020 misquoted Trump as advocating drinking bleach * So supposing we hit the body with a tremendous, whether it’s ultraviolet or just very powerful light and I think you said that hasn't been checked but you’re going to test it. And then I said supposing you brought the light inside the body, which you can do either through the skin or in some other way. ** Trump, suggesting a way to cure COVID-19, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-04-23 |title='Jaw-Dropping’: Trump Slammed for Touting Dangerous New Virus Treatments After Favored Drug Is Discredited |author=Hunter Woodall |periodical=Daily Beast |url=https://www.thedailybeast.com/trump-slammed-for-touting-sunlight-uv-light-bleach-as-possible-covid-19-treatments-during-briefing}} * And we’re — really, I’m very happy the governors have been — the governors, really, have been doing a really good job working with us, and it’s — it’s, really, pretty impressive to see. I’ve spoken to numerous leaders of countries over the last 48 hours, and they are saying we’re leading the way. We’re really leading the way in so many different ways. ** White House coronavirus task force briefing (April 23, 2020), [https://www.rev.com/blog/transcripts/donald-trump-coronavirus-press-conference-transcript-april-23 Donald Trump Coronavirus Press Conference Transcript April 23] * I work from early in the morning until late at night, haven’t left the White House in many months (except to launch Hospital Ship Comfort) in order to take care of Trade Deals, Military Rebuilding etc., and then I read a phony story in the failing @nytimes about my work schedule and eating habits, written by a third rate reporter who knows nothing about me. I will often be in the Oval Office late into the night & read & see that I am angrily eating a hamberger & Diet Coke in my bedroom. People with me are always stunned. Anything to demean! ** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-04-26 |title='Hambergers' and 'Noble prizes': Trump attacks press in furious Twitter rant riddled with spelling errors |author=Alex Woodward |periodical=Independent |url=https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/donald-trump-latest-coronavirus-hamburger-nobel-prize-russia-a9485006.html}} * When will all of the 'reporters' who have received Noble Prizes for their work on Russia, Russia, Russia, only to have been proven totally wrong (and, in fact, it was the other side who committed the crimes) be turning back their cherished 'Nobles' so that they can be given to the REAL REPORTERS & JOURNALISTS who got it right. ** Tweet, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-04-26 |title=Trump calls for journalists who covered the Russia investigation to return their 'Noble Prizes' in Twitter rant before deleting it |author=James Pasley |periodical=Business Insider |url=https://www.businessinsider.com/trump-deletes-tweet-calling-for-journalists-to-return-noble-prizes-2020-4?r=US&IR=T}} * What is the purpose of having White House News Conferences when the Lamestream Media asks nothing but hostile questions, & then refuses to report the truth or facts accurately. They get record ratings, & the American people get nothing but Fake News. Not worth the time & effort! ** Tweet, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-04-26 |title=Trump says briefings 'not worth the effort' amid fallout from disinfectant comments |author=Lauren Aratani |periodical=The Guardian |url=https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2020/apr/25/donald-trump-stays-away-from-briefings-amid-fallout-from-disinfectant-comments}} * I can't imagine why. ** Trump was answering a question from a journalist about rise in misuse of disinfectants the last few days, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-04-27 |title=Trump Says He Takes No Responsibility For People Ingesting Disinfectant |author=Lydia O'Connor |periodical=Huffpost |url=https://www.huffpost.com/entry/trump-no-responsibility-disinfectant-use_n_5ea75b7dc5b6a30004e6e509}} * The only reason the U.S. has reported one million cases of CoronaVirus is that our Testing is sooo much better than any other country in the World. ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-04-29 |title=Trump still seems to not understand how bad the coronavirus crisis is |author=Stephen Collinson |periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/04/29/politics/donald-trump-coronavirus-politics-pence/index.html}} * '''Donald Trump:''' And you have to understand: When we took over, the cupboards were bare. And the thing that — frankly, it’s not as tough as the ventilator situation. We’re the king of ventilators. But what we have done is — on testing, we’re doing numbers the likes of which nobody has ever seen before. And I told you, the President of South Korea, [[Moon Jae-in|President Moon]], called me to congratulate me on testing. And we did more tests than any other country anywhere in the world. And I think they told me yesterday a number — if you add up the rest of the world, we’ve done more testing. And it’s a higher quality test. So I think we’ve done a — I think the whole team, federal government — we built hospitals for you and others. : '''{{w|Phil Murphy}}:''' You bet. : '''Donald Trump:''' We built medical centers. And I’m talking about thousands and thousands of beds. Many, many medical centers. We had — as you know, we had the governor of Florida and the governor of Louisiana over the last two days. They could not have been — and one was a Democrat, and this gentleman happens to be a proud Democrat. They could not have been more supportive of the effort of the federal government. And I’ll tell you, Jim — : '''{{w|James Acosta}}:''' But aren’t you seeing massive lines for food? : '''Donald Trump:''' Let me just tell you, we have — we started off with empty cupboards. The last administration left us nothing. We started off with bad, broken tests and obsolete tests. What we’ve come up with, between the {{w|Abbott Laboratories}}, where you have the five-minute test. Did they test you today? : '''Phil Murphy:''' They did test me. : '''Donald Trump:''' Good. Now I feel better. (Laughter.) : '''Phil Murphy:''' Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’m negative. : '''Donald Trump:''' You did the five-minute — the Abbott test. : '''Phil Murphy:''' I did the quick turnaround. : '''Donald Trump:''' It’s so great. : '''Phil Murphy:''' I feel like a new man. : '''Donald Trump:''' That’s a brand — you know what? That’s a brand-new test. That didn’t exist eight weeks ago, and now it’s like the rage. Everybody wants that test. No, I think we’ve done — I think we’ve done a really great job. :* About [[Shortages related to the COVID-19 pandemic|the lack]] of tests for the novel coronavirus, ''[https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-meeting-governor-murphy-new-jersey/ Remarks by President Trump in a Meeting with Governor Murphy of New Jersey]'' (April 30, 2020), ''{{w|whitehouse.gov}}''. Quoted in ''[https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/trump-blame-obama-covid-tests/ Did Trump Blame Obama for ‘Bad’ COVID-19 Tests?]'' by Bethania Palma, 1 May 2020, ''{{w|Snopes}}'' :* Note: No previous administration could have prepared a test for a disease which had yet to emerge. COVID-19 emerged during [[Trump's presidency]], the test was designed in 2020 by the [[Centers for Disease Control]] under the Trump administration. See {{w|Misinformation related to the COVID-19 pandemic#Presidential}} * These are very good people, but they are angry. ** Trump described armed demonstrators who stormed the state Capitol in Michigan, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-05-01 |title=Trump urges Michigan governor to give in to ‘very good people’ who stormed statehouse with guns |author=Travis Gettys |periodical=Rawstory |url=https://www.rawstory.com/2020/05/trump-urges-michigan-governor-to-give-in-to-very-good-people-who-stormed-statehouse-with-guns/}} ====May 2020==== *I have not touched my face in a week. **[https://www.huffpost.com/entry/trump-face-touching-video-proof_n_5e601ac1c5b6985ec91abce1] * I can't tell you that. I'm not allowed to tell you that. ** Trump was answering what his basis was for claiming that the coronavirus emerged from a virology lab in the Wuhan city of China, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-05-01 |title='It Came Out Of China, Could Have Been Stopped': Prez Donald Trump On Coronavirus |author=PTI |periodical=Outlook |url=https://www.outlookindia.com/website/story/world-news-it-came-out-of-china-could-have-been-stopped-prez-donald-trump-on-coronavirus/351848}} * We will be AIDS-free within 8 years. We started, 10 years. Should've started in the previous administration. They did nothing. It started at my administration. ** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-05-03 |title=Fact check: Trump peppers Fox News town hall with false claims on coronavirus and other topics |author=Daniel Dale |periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/05/03/politics/fact-check-fox-news-townhall-trump-may-3/index.html}} * With all of that unity we have, in one sense, we have great unity, in another sense, I think they're going to come along, I mean, you know, I certainly hope so, but the main thing I have to do is bring our country back, and I want to get it back to where it was or maybe beyond where it was, you know, we have tremendous stimulus, all the money we've been talking about so far tonight. ** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-05-04 |title=The 45 most shocking lines from Donald Trump's Lincoln Memorial Fox town hall |author=Chris Cillizza |periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/05/04/politics/donald-trump-fox-lincoln-memorial/index.html}} * So in [[California]], the Democrats, who fought like crazy to get all mail in only ballots, and succeeded, have just opened a voting booth in the most Democrat area in the State. They are trying to steal another election. It’s all rigged out there. These votes must not count. SCAM! ** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-05-09 |title=In Deranged Tweets Trump Says that All California Votes ‘Must Not Count’ |author=Mark NC |periodical=News Corpse |url=https://www.newscorpse.com/ncWP/?p=45212}} * We are getting great marks for the handling of the [[COVID-19 pandemic|CoronaVirus pandemic]], especially the very early BAN of people from China, the infectious source, entering the USA. Compare that to the Obama/Sleepy [[Joe Biden|Joe]] disaster known as H1N1 Swine Flu. Poor marks, bad polls - didn’t have a clue! ** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-05-10 |title=Trump claims he is ‘getting great marks’ for coronavirus response as US death toll nears 80,000 |author=Richard Hall |periodical=Independent |url=https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/trump-coronavirus-us-response-barack-obama-joe-biden-a9507346.html}} * If people want to get tested, they get tested. ** Quoted in {{citation |date=2020-05-11 |title=Fact check: Trump falsely claims, again, that anybody who wants a test can get one |author=By Daniel Dale, David Wright, Arman Azad, Holmes Lybrand | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/05/11/politics/trump-fact-check-may-11/index.html}} * Coronavirus numbers are looking MUCH better, going down almost everywhere. ** Quoted in {{citation |date=2020-05-11 |title=Trump points to 'the numbers,' which don't say what he thinks they say |author=Steve Benen |periodical=MSNBC | url=https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/trump-points-numbers-which-don-t-say-what-he-thinks-n1205336}} * We have to close the country. And I said, say it again. They said, sir, you have to close the country. Nobody ever heard of a thing like this but they were right because if I didn't we would have lost two million, two and a half million, maybe more than that people. ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-05-11 |title=Why Donald Trump's idea that he saved millions of lives is laughable |author=Chris Cillizza |periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/05/11/politics/donald-trump-coronavirus-quarantine/index.html}} * Asian Americans are VERY angry at what China has done to our Country, and the World. Chinese Americans are the most angry of all. I don’t blame them! ** Quoted in {{citation |date=2020-05-12 |title=Trump claims Asian Americans are angry at 'what China has done' to U.S. |author=Kimmy Yam |periodical=Yahoo News / NBC News |url=https://news.yahoo.com/trump-claims-asian-americans-angry-190959445.html}} * To me it's not an acceptable answer, especially when it comes to schools ** Trump was commenting on a statement from infectious disease expert Dr. Anthony Fauci, warning that getting businesses and schools back open too quickly would lead to unnecessary suffering and death, as quoted in {{citation |date=2020-05-13 |title=Trump's rebuke of Fauci encapsulates rejection of science in virus fight |author=Stephen Collinson |periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/05/14/politics/donald-trump-anthony-fauci-science-coronavirus/index.html}} * If we didn’t do any testing, we would have very few cases ** As quoted in {{citation |date=2020-05-16 |title=Trump seems to think there’d be no coronavirus if there was no testing. It doesn’t work like that. |author=Aaron Rupar |periodical=VOX |url=https://www.vox.com/2020/5/15/21259888/trump-coronavirus-testing-very-few-cases}} * A lot of doctors take it. I take it. * I would have told you that three or four days ago, but we never had a chance, because you never asked me the question. ** Trump, about taking the anti-malaria drug hydroxychloroquine to prevent Covid-19 disease, as quoted in {{citation |date=2020-05-18 |title=FDA: This Drug Could Kill You. Trump: I’m Taking It! |author=Justin Paragona, Adam Rawnsley |periodical=The Daily Beast |url=https://www.thedailybeast.com/trump-reveals-hes-now-taking-unproven-anti-malarial-drug-fda-warned-against}} * When we have a lot of cases, I don’t look at that as a bad thing — I look at that in a certain respect as being a good thing because it means our testing is much better. ... So I view it as a badge of honour, really, ** Trump talked about the 1.59 million confirmed cases of Covid-19, as quoted in {{citation |date=2020-05-19 |title=Coronavirus: Trump says it’s ‘badge of honour’ for US to lead world in Covid-19 cases |author=Oliver O'Connell |periodical=Independent |url=https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-coronavirus-cases-us-covid-death-toll-a9523166.html}} * Breaking: [[Michigan]] sends absentee ballots to 7.7 million people ahead of Primaries and the General Election. This was done illegally and without authorization by [[Jocelyn Benson|a rogue Secretary of State]]. I will ask to hold up funding to Michigan if they want to go down this Voter Fraud path! ** As quoted in {{citation |date=2020-05-20 |title=Trump’s False Tweet About Michigan Absentee Ballot Applications |author=D'Angelo Gore |periodical=FactCheck.org |url=https://www.factcheck.org/2020/05/trumps-false-tweet-about-michigan-absentee-ballot-applications/}} * And, you know, when you say “per capita,” there’s many per capitas. It’s, like, per capita relative to what? But you can look at just about any category, and we’re really at the top, meaning positive on a per capita basis, too. They’ve done a great job. ** Quoted in {{citation |date=2020-05-20 |title=Did Trump Say There Are ‘Many Per Capitas’ During a COVID-19 Discussion? |author=Kim LaCapria |periodical=TruthOrFiction.com |url=https://www.truthorfiction.com/did-president-trump-say-there-were-many-per-capitas-in-a-covid-19-discussion/}} * I didn’t want to give the press the pleasure of seeing it. ** Trump commented on why he didn't wear a face mask as a protection against the coronavirus at a visit to a factory, as quoted in {{citation |date=2020-05-21 |title=Trump Goes Without Mask For Public Tour of Michigan Factory, Says He ‘Didn’t Want to Give the Press the Pleasure’ of Seeing Him Wearing One |author=Madeleine Carlisle |periodical=Time |url=https://time.com/5840833/trump-michigan-ford-plant-tour-mask/}} * Yeah. I tested positively toward negative, right? So, no, I tested perfectly this morning, meaning—meaning I tested negative... But that’s a way of saying it: positively toward the negative. ** On having had a coronavirus test, spoken to reporters on the White House lawn, 2020-05-21. {{citation |url=https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/trump-tested-very-positively/ |title=Did Trump Say He ‘Tested Very Positively’ for COVID-19, Meaning Negative? | publisher={{w|Snopes}} |date=May 22, 2020 |accessdate=May 22, 2020 |author=Bethania Palma}} * I was honored five years ago, ‘man of the year’ in Michigan. ** {{citation |date=2020-05-22 |title=Trump’s Dubious Michigan ‘Man of the Year’ Boast |author=Robert Farley |periodical=FactCheck.org |url=https://www.factcheck.org/2019/08/trumps-dubious-michigan-man-of-the-year-boast/}} * There is NO WAY (ZERO!) that Mail-In Ballots will be anything less than substantially fraudulent. Mail boxes will be robbed, ballots will be forged & even illegally printed out & fraudulently signed. The [[Gavin Newsom|Governor of California]] is sending Ballots to millions of people, anyone living in the state, no matter who they are or how they got there, will get one. That will be followed up with professionals telling all of these people, many of whom have never even thought of voting before, how, and for whom, to vote. This will be a Rigged Election. No way! ** [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1265255835124539392 Twitter (26 May 2020)] * Imagine if your local phone companies tried to edit or censor what you said. Social media companies have far more power. ** {{citation |date=2020-05-28 |title=Donald Trump just used a ridiculous comparison to justify his social media crackdown |author=Chris Cillizza |periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/05/28/politics/donald-trump-twitter-facebook-social-media-executive-order/index.html}} ====June 2020==== [[File:President Trump Visits St. John's Episcopal Church (49963649028).jpg|thumb|You have to dominate or you'll look like a bunch of jerks, you have to arrest and try people.]] * You have to dominate or you'll look like a bunch of jerks, you have to arrest and try people. * You don't have to be too careful. ** Trump ordering US governors on how to react against people protesting against police violence following the murder of George Floyd, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-06-01 |title=An agitated Trump encourages governors to use aggressive tactics on protesters |author=Kevin Liptak, Ryan Nobles, Sarah Westwood |periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/06/01/politics/donald-trump-race-police/index.html}} *[[Washington, D.C.]], was the safest place on earth last night! **[https://twitter.com/realdonaldtrump/status/1267959729361485825 2 June 2020 tweet] quoted [https://www.usnews.com/news/politics/articles/2020-06-07/ap-fact-check-trump-exaggerations-on-blacks-economic-gains 8 June 2020] by [[US News]] * It’s a great day for him. It’s a great day for everybody. This is a great, great day in terms of quality. ** Trump claimed that the US economy was "back on track", and connected this with George Floyd, who had been murdered by the police some days earlier, as quoted by by {{citation |date=2020-06-05 |title=Trump Criticised For Saying George Floyd Is Looking Down And Calling It ‘A Great Day’ |author=Emma Rosemurgey |periodical=UNILAD |url=https://www.unilad.co.uk/news/trump-criticised-for-saying-george-floyd-is-looking-down-and-calling-it-a-great-day/}} * Buffalo protester shoved by Police could be an ANTIFA provocateur. 75 year old Martin Gugino was pushed away after appearing to scan police communications in order to black out the equipment. @OANN I watched, he fell harder than was pushed. Was aiming scanner. Could be a set up? ** Trump repeated suggestions, without providing evidence, regarding the peaceful protester Martin Gugino who suffered brain damage after being handled brutally by the police. Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-06-09 |title=Trump Accuses 75-Year-Old Knocked Down By Buffalo Police Of Faking Fall |author=Cameron Frew |periodical=UNILAD |url=https://www.unilad.co.uk/news/trump-accuses-75-year-old-knocked-down-by-buffalo-police-of-faking-fall/}} * I think I’ve done more for the black community than any other President and let’s take a pass on Abraham Lincoln because he did good but although it’s always questionable, you know in other words the end result. **Trump discussing his leadership and relationship with the African-American community during the {{w|George Floyd protests}}, spoken on a Fox News interview, archived at "[https://slate.com/news-and-politics/2020/06/what-was-trump-trying-to-say-about-abraham-lincoln.html What Was Trump Trying to Say About Abraham Lincoln?]" by Jeremy Stahl (June 12, 2020), published in ''{{w|Slate (magazine)|Slate}}''. * He is a liar ... everybody in the White House hated [[John Bolton]]. ** Trump described John Bolton, who was picked by Trump to be Security Adviser, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-06-15 |title=Trump brands John Bolton a ‘LIAR’ and says ‘everybody in the White House hated him’ after bombshell book extracts |author=Nicole Darrah |periodical=The Sun |url=https://www.the-sun.com/news/999925/trump-john-bolton-book-white-house-liar/}} * These are the people – the best, the smartest, the most brilliant anywhere, and they’ve come up with the AIDS vaccine. They’ve come up with ... various things. ** Claimed about scientists, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-06-16 |title=AP FACT CHECK: Trump on an AIDS vaccine that doesn’t exist |author=Calvin Woodward, Hope Yen |periodical=News 12 |url=https://www.kxii.com/content/news/AP-FACT-CHECK-Trump-on-an-AIDS-vaccine-that-doesnt-exist-571309161.html/}} *I did something good: I made [[Juneteenth]] very famous.<br>It’s actually an important event, an important time. But nobody had ever heard of it. **Wednesday 17 June 2020 interview in the Oval Office according to [https://www.wsj.com/articles/trump-talks-juneteenth-john-bolton-economy-in-wsj-interview-11592493771 19 June 2020 article] by [[Michael Bender]] of [[Wall Street Journal]], highlighted [https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2020/jun/20/donald-trump-tulsa-rally-crowd-empty-seats 21 June 2020] by [[Richard Wolffe]] of [[The Guardian]] * I said, 'General, there's no way I can make it down that ramp without falling on my ass, general. I have no railing.' ** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-06-20 |title=1,798 words that prove how obsessed Donald Trump is with the West Point ramp story |author=Chris Cillizza |periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/06/22/politics/donald-trump-tulsa-rally-west-point-ramp/index.html |lang=en-US}} * Your 401(k)s and money itself will be worthless. ** Claimed about what will happen if Joe Biden wins the next president election, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-06-20 |title=Lying again about the pandemic, Trump made 200 false claims from early June to early July |author=Daniel Dale, Tara Subramaniam |periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/07/18/politics/fact-check-trump-june-july-2020/index.html |lang=en-US}} *By the way, it’s a disease, without question [that] has more names than any disease in history. I can name “kung flu.” I can name 19 different versions of names. Many call it a virus, which it is. Many call it a flu. What difference? I think we have 19 or 20 different versions of the name. ** Discussing the [[COVID-19 pandemic]] at a {{w|Donald Trump's Tulsa rally|campaign rally in Tulsa, Oklahoma on June 21}}, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-06-21 |title=This Is How Trump Plans to Beat Biden |author=Osita Nwanevu |periodical={{w|The New Republic}} |url=https://newrepublic.com/article/158245/trump-plans-beat-biden |lang=en-US}} * RIGGED [[2020 United States presidential election|2020 ELECTION]]: MILLIONS OF MAIL-IN BALLOTS WILL BE PRINTED BY FOREIGN COUNTRIES, AND OTHERS. IT WILL BE THE SCANDAL OF OUR TIMES! ** Claim quoted by {{citation |date=2020-06-22 |title=FACT CHECK: Trump Spreads Unfounded Claims About Voting By Mail |author=Miles Parks |periodical=NPR |url=https://apnews.com/1d1a98892bdc7e1df97807b3be48bb13 |lang=en-US}} * Cases up only because of our big number testing. Mortality rate way down!!! * It’s fading away, it’s going to fade away. * We have got the greatest testing program anywhere in the world. * We’ve done too good a job. * You know testing is a double-edged sword. ... Here’s the bad part. When you test to that extent, you are going to find more people, find more cases. So I said to my people, ‘Slow the testing down please.’ ** Claimed about the Covid-19 pandemic, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-06-23 |title=AP FACT CHECK: Sober science weighs in on Trump’s virus take |author=Calvin Woodward, Hope Yen |periodical=AP |url=https://www.npr.org/2020/06/22/881598655/fact-check-trump-spreads-unfounded-claims-about-voting-by-mail |lang=en-US}} *I said to my people <i>slow the testing down please</i> ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=baHR5E952H8 referring to [[COVID-19 testing]] during a Jun 21, 2020 campaign ralley in [[w:Tulsa, Oklahoma]] ] * Well, one of the things that will be really great, you know the word experience is still good. I always say talent is more important than experience. I’ve always said that. But the word experience is a very important word. It’s an — a very important meaning. I never did this before. I never slept over in Washington. I was in Washington, I think, 17 times. All of a sudden, I’m president of the United States. You know the story. I’m riding down Pennsylvania Avenue with our First Lady and I say, ‘This is great. But I didn’t know very many people in Washington. It wasn’t my thing. I was from Manhattan, from New York. Now I know everybody, and I have great people in the administration. You make some mistakes. Like, you know, an idiot like [[John R. Bolton|Bolton]]. All he wanted to do was drop bombs on everybody. You don’t have to drop bombs on everybody. You don’t have to kill people. ** Trump was responding to the question "What are your top priorities for a second term?", as quoted by {{citation |date=2019-07-17 |title=Trump Rambles Unintelligibly About Plan for Second Term |author=Adam K Raymond |periodical= NY Mag|url=https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2020/06/trump-hannity-interview-full-of-unintelligible-rambling.html }} * Nobody briefed or told me, @VP Pence, or Chief of Staff [[Mark Meadows|@MarkMeadows]] about the so-called attacks on our troops in [[Afghanistan]] by Russians ** Trump commented on a news report saying that Russian spies are paying Taliban for killing US soldiers in Afghanistan, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-06-28 | title=Trump denies he was briefed on reported bounties on US troops |author=Kyle Balluck |periodical=The Hill |url=https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/504890-trump-denies-he-was-briefed-on-reported-bounties-on-us-troops |lang=en-US}} * Can't you just shoot them? Just shoot them in the legs or something? ** Said in June 2020, about demonstrators in the streets around the White House following the murder of George Floyd, according to former Defense Secretary Mark Esper, quoted in [https://www.axios.com/mark-esper-book-trump-protesters-24e93272-2af5-423d-be3b-164daab7b43d.html "Scoop: Esper says Trump wanted to shoot protesters"], Axios, 2 May 2022 ====July 2020==== * I think we’re gonna be very good with the coronavirus. I think that at some point that’s going to, sort of, just disappear—I hope. ** Spoken on a morning news talk show regarding the [[COVID-19]] pandemic; at the time, the United States had over 120,000 deaths from the virus and over 2.5{{nbsp}}million infections. As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-01 |title=Trump again claims coronavirus is ‘going to just disappear’ as US sees record number of new cases |author=Richard Hall |periodical=The Independent |url=https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/trump-coronavirus-cases-us-fox-news-interview-today-covid-a9596631.html}} * Against every law of society and nature, our children are taught in school to hate their own country and to believe that the men and women who built it were not heroes but that were villains. The radical view of American history is a web of lies, all perspective is removed, every virtue is obscured, every motive is twisted, every fact is distorted, and every flaw is magnified until the history is purged and the record is disfigured beyond all recognition. ** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-03 |title=Biden tells teachers they have ‘the most important’ job on same day Trump says they teach children to ‘hate their country’ |author=Valerie Strauss |periodical=Independent |url=https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-election/biden-trump-teachers-education-policy-2020-election-a9603156.html}} * In our schools, our newsrooms, even our corporate boardrooms, there is a new far left fascism that demands absolute allegiance. ** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-03 |title=The 28 most outrageous lines from Donald Trump's Mount Rushmore speech |author=Valerie Strauss |periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/07/04/politics/donald-trump-mount-rushmore-south-dakota-speech-lines/index.html}} * We got hit by the virus that came from China. We’ve made a lot of progress. Our strategy is moving along well. * We’ve learned how to put out the flame. * Now we have tested almost 40m people. By so doing, we show cases, 99% of which are totally harmless. ** Trump was describing the situation with Covid-19, where more than 128 000 had died out of around 2,800,000 found cases at that time, a death rate of more than 4 %, and around 40,000 to 50,000 new cases were found per day, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-04 |title=Trump claims 99% of US Covid-19 cases are 'totally harmless' as infections surge |author=David Smith |periodical=The Guardian |url=https://www.theguardian.com/world/2020/jul/05/trump-claims-99-of-us-covid-19-cases-are-totally-harmless-as-infections-surge}} * We’re very much going to put pressure on governors and everybody else to open the schools. ** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-07 |title=Column: Trump demands schools reopen or funds might be cut — our (expendable) kids must face the virus! |author=Rex Huppke |periodical=Chicago Tribune |url=https://www.chicagotribune.com/columns/rex-huppke/ct-coronavirus-schools-trump-reopen-devos-florida-texas-covid-huppke-20200708-eeb6di3ml5cilk35hzl5ix5l6m-story.html}} * We have -- consumer confidence has risen 12 points since April, an all-time high. Think of that. ** Untrue claim, quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-09 |title=Fact check: Exaggerating again, Trump claims four non-record economic figures are records |author=Daniel Dale |periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/07/06/politics/fact-check-trump-june-jobs-exaggerations/index.html}} * Too many Universities and School Systems are about Radical Left Indoctrination, not [[Education]]. Therefore, I am telling the [[w:United States Department of the Treasury|Treasury Department]] to re-examine their Tax-Exempt Status and/or Funding, which will be taken away if this Propaganda or Act Against Public Policy continues. Our children must be Educated, not Indoctrinated! ** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-11 |title=Doctors, teachers reject Trump's pressure to reopen U.S. schools |author=Susan Heavey |periodical=Reuters |url=https://www.reuters.com/article/us-health-coronavirus-uda-education/in-bid-to-reopen-u-s-schools-trump-threatens-their-tax-exempt-status-idUSKBN24B2D3?il=0}} * Deaths in the U.S. are way down. * For the 1/100th time, the reason we show so many Cases, compared to other countries that haven’t done nearly as well as we have, is that our TESTING is much bigger and better. We have tested 40,000,000 people. If we did 20,000,000 instead, Cases would be half, etc. NOT REPORTED! * We have the lowest Mortality Rate in the World. * Job growth is biggest in history. * Economy and Jobs are growing MUCH faster than anyone (except me!) expected. ** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-11 |title=AP FACT CHECK: Trump keeps repeating false pandemic information |author= Calvin Woodward, Hope Yen, and Christopher Rugaber|periodical=Sentinel Colorado |url=https://sentinelcolorado.com/news/nation-world/fact-check/ap-fact-check-trump-keeps-repeating-false-pandemic-information/}} * I disagreed with doing this very small (tiny) section of wall, in a tricky area, by a private group which raised money by ads. It was only done to make me look bad, and perhsps it now doesn't even work. Should have been built like rest of Wall, 500 plus miles. ** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-12 |title=Trump says possibly unstable section of border wall funded by supporters was 'only done to make me look bad'|author= Catherine Garcia | periodical=The Week |url=https://theweek.com/speedreads/925124/trump-says-possibly-unstable-section-border-wall-funded-by-supporters-only-done-make-look-bad}} * I know people that like the [[w:Confederate flag|Confederate flag]] and they're not thinking about [[Slavery in the United States|slavery]]. ** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-18 |title=Trump keeps fighting a Confederate flag battle many supporters have conceded |author= Tina Nguyen | periodical=Politico |url=https://www.politico.com/news/2020/07/18/trump-confederate-flag-battle-368607}} * Look, I take responsibility always for everything because it's ultimately my job, too. I have to get everybody in line. ** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-19 |title=Trump pushes back against critics on coronavirus, addresses whether he will accept election results in exclusive interview |author= Ronn Blitzer | periodical=Fox News |url=https://www.foxnews.com/politics/trump-pushes-back-against-critics-on-coronavirus-addresses-whether-he-will-accept-election-results-in-exclusive-interview}} * I’m not a big fan of [[Fox News|Fox]], I’ll be honest with you. * We’re signing a healthcare plan within two weeks, a full and complete healthcare plan that the supreme court decision on DACA gave me the right to do. So we’re going to solve – we’re going to sign an immigration plan, a healthcare plan, and various other plans. And nobody will have done what I’m doing in the next four weeks. ** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-19 |title=Donald Trump v Fox News Sunday: extraordinary moments from a wild interview |author= Amanda Holpuch | periodical=The Guardian |url=https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2020/jul/19/donald-trump-fox-news-sunday-chris-wallace-interview}} * We've done much better than most. And with the fatality rate at a lower rate than most, it's something that we can talk about. ** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-21 |title=AP FACT CHECK: A More Measured Trump Doesn't Mean Accurate |author= | periodical=VOA |url=https://www.voanews.com/covid-19-pandemic/ap-fact-check-more-measured-trump-doesnt-mean-accurate}} * Well, you see something that looks good and you don’t investigate it. ** Trump was describing his habit of retweeting content that has sometimes been odd, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-22 |title=Donald Trump admits he regrets his tweets 'too often', says his retweets 'get him in trouble' and reminisces about the 'old days when you could write a letter and let it sit for a day' |author= Ariel Zilber | periodical=DailyMail |url=https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8558493/Trump-says-regrets-Twitter-posts-admits-times-love-it.html}} * So it sort of is curious. A man works for us, with us, very closely, Dr. Fauci and Dr. Birx also, very highly thought of -- and yet, they're highly thought of, but <b>nobody likes me</b>? It can only be my personality, that's all. ** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-28 |title='Nobody likes me': Trump ponders pandemic popularity of Fauci and Birx |author= Kevin Liptak | periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/07/28/politics/donald-trump-anthony-fauci-approval-rating/index.html}} * If it reached my desk I would have done something about it. ** Trump was commenting on a U.S. intelligence assessment that Russia was paying a bounty to militants in Afghanistan to kill Americans there, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-28 |title=AP FACT CHECK: Trump hype on drug costs, hydroxychloroquine |author=Hope Yen and Calvin Woodward | periodical=Star Tribune |url=https://www.startribune.com/ap-fact-check-trump-hype-on-drug-costs-hydroxychloroquine/571989352/}} * You can look at large portions of our country, it's corona-free. ** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-28 |title=Fact check: Trump falsely says 'large portions' of the US are 'corona-free,' repeats claim that protests are leading to rising cases |author=Holmes Lybrand, Tara Subramaniam, Nathan McDermott and Em Steck | periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/07/28/politics/coronavirus-trump-kodak-press-briefing-fact-check/index.html}} * Anarchists, Agitators or Protestors who vandalize or damage our Federal Courthouse in Portland, or any Federal Buildings in any of our Cities or States, will be prosecuted under our recently re-enacted [[Statues & Monuments Act]]. MINIMUM TEN YEARS IN PRISON. Don’t do it! ** [https://mobile.twitter.com/Oijans/status/1346916360178302978 Tweet] 28 July 2020 * I think she'd be a fine choice, [[Kamala Harris]]. She'd be a fine choice. ** Trump commented on the possibility of Kamala Harris becoming vice president candidate, according to a [https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-marine-one-departure-072920/ White House transcript]. * With Universal Mail-In Voting (not Absentee Voting, which is good), 2020 will be the most INACCURATE & FRAUDULENT Election in history. It will be a great embarrassment to the USA. Delay the Election until people can properly, securely and safely vote??? ** A tweet ({{citation |url=https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1288818160389558273 |title=With Universal Mail-In Voting (not Absentee Voting, which is good), 2020 will be the most INACCURATE & FRAUDULENT Election in history. It will be a great embarrassment to the USA. Delay the Election until people can properly, securely and safely vote??? |date=2020-07-30 |accessdate=2020-07-30 |publisher={{w|Twitter}} |lang=en-US |author=Donald Trump}}) that received substantial attention with many further sources quoting it, such as {{citation |url=https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-53599363 |title=Republicans to Trump: You can't delay 2020 election |date=2020-07-30 |accessdate=2020-07-30 |publisher={{w|BBC}} |lang=en-GB}} * Must know Election results on the night of the Election, not days, months, or even years later! ** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-29 |title=AP FACT CHECK: Trump’s election agitations and distortions |author=Calvin Woodward | periodical=Seattle Times |url=https://www.seattletimes.com/nation-world/ap-fact-check-trumps-election-agitations-and-distortions/}} * Young people are almost immune to this disease. ** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-30 |title=Trump says he can't assure school safety amid pandemic: 'Can you assure anybody of anything?' |author=Jessie Hellman | periodical=The Hill |url=https://thehill.com/policy/healthcare/509902-trump-says-he-cant-assure-school-safety-amid-pandemic-can-you-assure}} * The first questions are very easy. The last questions are much more difficult, like a memory question. It's like you go, '''"Person, woman, man, camera, TV"'''. So, they say, "Could you repeat that?" So I said, "Yeah. So it's person, woman, man, camera, TV." Okay. That's very good. If you get it in order, you get extra points. **As quoted by {{citation|date=2020-07-23|title=President Trump Stars in Cognitive Test Part Deux: Person, Woman, Man, Camera, TV|author=Peter Wade|periodical=Rolling Stone|url=https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-news/trump-cognitive-test-person-woman-man-camera-tv-1033002}}, on having been given the {{W|Montreal Cognitive Assessment}}. ====August 2020==== * When you see the Drug Companies taking massive television ads against me, forget what they say (which is false), YOU KNOW THAT DRUG PRICES ARE COMING DOWN, BIG. ** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-08-02 |title=AP FACT CHECK: Trump hype on drug costs, hydroxychloroquine |author=Hope Yen and Calvin Woodward | periodical=APNEWS |url=https://apnews.com/d7f1d2003aeaa95466e12b875b7b4619}} * They are dying. That's true. And you -- it is what it is. But that doesn't mean we aren't doing everything we can. <b>It's under control as much as you can control it.</b> This is a horrible plague that beset us. ** As quoted by {{citation | author=Stephen Collinson | date=2020-08-03 |title=Trump spinning virus failure as a win again by celebrating 'encouraging' progress | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/08/04/politics/donald-trump-coronavirus-pence-birx/index.html}} * You can take the number of cases and look <b>we're last, meaning we're first</b>. ** Trump was explaining the virus situation, as quoted by {{citation | author=James Walker | date=2020-08-03 |title=5 Takeaways From Trump's Axios Interview | periodical=Newsweek | url=https://www.newsweek.com/five-takeaways-donald-trump-axios-interview-1522596}} * In an <b>illegal late night coup</b>, [[Nevada]]’s clubhouse Governor made it impossible for Republicans to win the state. <b>Post Office could never handle the Traffic of Mail-In Votes without preparation</b>. Using Covid to steal the state. See you in Court! ** As quoted by {{citation | author=Quint Forgey | date=2020-08-03 |title=Trump threatens lawsuit to block mail-in voting in Nevada | periodical=Politico | url=https://www.politico.com/news/2020/08/03/trump-nevada-mail-voting-lawsuit-390878}} * Whether you call it Vote by Mail or Absentee Voting, in Florida the election system is Safe and Secure, Tried and True. Florida's Voting system has been cleaned up (we defeated Democrats attempts at change), so <b>in Florida I encourage all to request a Ballot & Vote by Mail! </b>#MAGA, ** As quoted by {{citation | author=Betsy Klein | date=2020-08-03 |title=In apparent reversal, Trump encourages Floridians to vote by mail | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/08/04/politics/donald-trump-mail-in-voting-florida/index.html}} * There is no way you can go through a mail-in vote without massive cheating. ** As quoted by {{citation | author=Daniel Dale | date=2020-08-03 |title=Jonathan Swan reveals the simple secret to exposing Trump's lies: basic follow-up questions | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/08/04/politics/fact-check-jonathan-swan-axios-hbo-interview-trump-coronavirus/index.html}} * I read a lot. I comprehend extraordinarily well. Probably better than anybody you’ve interviewed in a long time, ** As quoted by {{citation | author=Aaron Rupar | date=2020-08-03 |title=“They are dying. That’s true. It is what it is.” Trump’s Axios interview was a disaster. | periodical=VOX | url=https://www.vox.com/2020/8/4/21354055/trump-axios-interview-jonathan-swan}} * I don't know. I really don't know. I don't know. I don't know John Lewis. He chose not to come to my inauguration. He chose -- I don't -- I never met John Lewis actually, I don't believe. ** Trump was responding to how civil rights icon John Lewis will be remembered, as quoted by {{citation | author=Tyler Olson | date=2020-08-03 |title=Trump withholds praise for John Lewis, notes he 'didn't come to my inauguration'| periodical=Fox News| url=https://www.foxnews.com/politics/trump-john-lewis-inauguration}} * When I took over we didn't even have a test. ** Trump pointed out that in 2017, there was no test for the coronavirus that emerged in 2019, as quoted by {{citation | author=Steve Benen | date=2020-08-03 |title=Trump points to imagined 'manuals' to argue against virus tests | periodical=MSNBC | url=https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/trump-points-imagined-manuals-argue-against-virus-tests-n1235815}} * we have done an incredible job, everything is under control [referring to the United states handling of the [[Covid Pandemic]] ] ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zaaTZkqsaxY interview] by [[w:Jonathan Swan]] of [[w:Axios (website)|Axios]] on [[w:HBO]] * It would seem like it based on the explosion. I met with some of our great generals and they just seem to feel that it was. This was not a — some kind of a manufacturing explosion type of a event. … They seem to think it was a attack. It was a bomb of some kind, yes. ** When asked why he called an explosion in Beirut an attack and not an accident, as quoted by {{citation | author=Darlene Superville/AP | date=2020-08-04 |title=Trump Says Massive Explosion in Beirut Likely an 'Attack' | periodical=Time | url=time.com/5875784/trump-explosion-beirut-attack/}} * '''Q''': (Inaudible) if 160,000 people had died on President Obama's watch, do you think you would have called for his resignation? : '''Trump''': No, I wouldn’t have done that. I think it’s — I think it’s been amazing what we’ve been able to do. If we didn’t close up our country, we would have had one and a half or two million people already dead. We’ve called it right; now we don’t have to close it. We understand the disease. Nobody understood it because nobody has ever seen anything like this. The closest thing is, in 1917, they say — right? The great — the great pandemic certainly was a terrible thing, where they lost, anywhere from 50- to 100 million people. Probably ended the [[Second World War]]; all the soldiers were sick. That was a — that was a terrible situation. And this is highly contagious. This one is highly, highly contagious. No, if I would have listened to a lot of people, we would have kept it open. And, by the way, we keep it open now, all the way. We keep it open. But we would have kept it open and you could be up to a million and a half or two million people right now — one and a half to two million people. Our people have done a fantastic job — our consultants and our doctors. You know, and with disagreements and with a lot of things happening. :* ''[https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-press-briefing-august-10-2020/ Remarks by President Trump in Press Briefing | August 10, 2020]'', issued on: August 11, 2020, ''{{w|whitehouse.gov}}'' :* Note: In October 2014, Donald Trump [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/525431218910027776 tweeted] that U.S. President [[Barack Obama]] should resign because a doctor who had treated [[Ebola]] patients in Guinea returned to the U.S, reported in ''[https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/trump-obama-ebola-tweet/ Did Trump Call for Obama to Resign After Ebola Doctor Returned to U.S.?]'' by David Mikkelson, 15 May 2020, ''{{w|Snopes}}''. And the [[1918 flu pandemic]] lasted from February 1918 to April 1920, years before the [[World War II]] which started in 1939. * If Biden would win, he's going to double, triple, everybody's taxes. ** Quoted by {{citation | author=Daniel Dale, Holmes Lybrand and Tara Subramaniam | date=2020-08-04 |title=Fact Check: At briefings, Trump is settling into a routine of false claims and exaggeration | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/08/12/politics/donald-trump-press-briefing-biden-tax-plan-coronavirus-fact-check/index.html}} * Nasty * Horrible * Person who has told many many stories that weren't true * Extraordinarily nasty * Nasty to a level that was just a horrible thing * Very very nasty to [[Joe Biden]] * Probably nastier even than [[Elizabeth Warren|Pocahontas]] * Meanest, most horrible, most disrespectful of anybody in the U.S. Senate. ** On [[Kamala Harris]], as quoted by {{citation | author=Andrew Solender | date=2020-08-11 | title=Trump Repeatedly Calls Kamala Harris ‘Nasty’ And ‘Horrible’ In White House Briefing | periodical=Forbes | url=https://www.forbes.com/sites/andrewsolender/2020/08/11/trump-repeatedly-calls-kamala-harris-nasty-and-horrible-in-white-house-briefing/#440e0fb54570}} * Europe has experienced a nearly 40% higher excess mortality rate than the United States ** Claimed about the coronavirus, as quoted by {{citation | author=Jessica McDonald | date=2020-08-11 | title=Trump Touts Misleading and Flawed Excess Mortality Statistic | periodical=FactCheck.org | url=https://www.factcheck.org/2020/08/trump-touts-misleading-and-flawed-excess-mortality-statistic/}} * If I don’t win the election, China will own the United States — you will have to learn to speak Chinese! ** Quoted by {{citation | author=Justin Paragona | date=2020-08-12 |title=Trump: If I Lose to Biden, Get Ready to ‘Have to Learn to Speak Chinese’| periodical=Daily Beast | url=https://www.thedailybeast.com/trump-if-i-lose-to-biden-get-ready-to-have-to-learn-to-speak-chinese/}} * So showerheads — you take a shower, the water doesn’t come out. You want to wash your hands, the water doesn’t come out. So what do you do? You just stand there longer or you take a shower longer? Because my hair — I don’t know about you, but it has to be perfect. Perfect. ** Quoted by {{citation | author=Debbie White, Jon Rogers, Fionnuala O'Leary | date=2020-08-12 |title=US proposes change to shower rules after President’s hair-washing complaint | periodical=The SUN | url=https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/12369436/donald-trump-latest-news-live-updates/}} *Now, they need that money in order to make the post office work, so it can take all of these millions and millions of ballots. Now, if we don’t make a deal, that means they don’t get the money. That means they can’t have universal mail-in voting, they just can’t have it. **(August 13, 2020) [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/trump-opposes-funding-usps-bid-block-vote-mail/story?id=72353322 Trump suggests he'd oppose USPS funding to hurt mail-in voting, then says he won't] ''ABC News'' * Leave Democrat cities. Let them rot. ** Retweeted by Trump, as quoted by {{citation | author=James Gordon | date=2020-08-16 |title='Let them rot!': Trump retweets supporter's message calling for Democrat-led cities such as NYC and Chicago to be abandoned - along with a video of protesters threatening drivers in Manhattan | periodical=CNN | url=https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8633677/Let-rot-Trump-retweets-supporters-message-democrat-cities.html}} * [[New Zealand]], by the way, had a big outbreak ** Said about the Covid-19 virus, which at that time had caused the death of a total of 22 persons in New Zealand. Quoted by {{citation | author=Daniel Dale | date=2020-08-18 |title=Fact check: Trump says New Zealand has had a 'big outbreak.' It reported 5 new cases on Thursday | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/08/20/politics/fact-check-trump-new-zealand-outbreak/index.html}} * Don't buy GOODYEAR TIRES - They announced a BAN ON MAGA HATS. Get better tires for far less! (This is what the Radical Left Democrats do. Two can play the same game, and we have to start playing it now!) ** Quoted by {{citation | author=Betsy Klein | date=2020-08-19 |title=Trump 'cancels' Goodyear tires as he campaigns against 'cancel culture' | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/08/19/politics/trump-goodyear-cancel-culture/index.html}} * I don't know much about the movement other than I understand they like me very much, which I appreciate ** Said about the [[QAnon]] group, as quoted by {{citation | author=Kevin Liptak | date=2020-08-20 |title=Trump embraces QAnon conspiracy because 'they like me' | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/08/19/politics/donald-trump-qanon/index.html}} * I see again the forest fires are starting. They’re starting again in California. I said, you gotta clean your floors, you gotta clean your forests — there are many, many years of leaves and broken trees and they’re like, like, so flammable, you touch them and it goes up. Maybe we’re just going to have to make them pay for it because they don’t listen to us. ** Quoted by {{citation | author=Jeremy B. White | date=2020-08-19 |title=Trump blames California for wildfires, tells state 'you gotta clean your floors' | periodical=Politico | url=https://www.politico.com/states/california/story/2020/08/20/trump-blames-california-for-wildfires-tells-state-you-gotta-clean-your-floors-1311059}} * I know nothing about the project other than I didn't like when I read about it, I didn't like it. * I think it's a very sad thing for Mr. Bannon. I didn't know any of the other people, either. ** Trump talked about the private "We build the wall" project, as quoted by {{citation | author=Andrew Kaczynski, Em Steck | date=2020-08-20 |title=Fact check: Trump knows most people involved in private border wall project, despite claiming not to | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/08/20/politics/fact-check-trump-private-border-wall-project/index.html}} * The only way they're gonna win is by a rigged election. I really believe that. I saw the crowd outside. ** Said about Democrats, as quoted by {{citation | author=Daniel Dale | date=2020-08-20 |title=Fact check: Trump delivers blizzard of false claims in Pennsylvania speech attacking Biden | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/08/20/politics/trump-false-claims-pennsylvania-speech-biden-fact-check/index.html}} * We're going to have sheriffs, and we're going to have law enforcement, and we're going to have, hopefully, US attorneys, and we're going to have everybody and attorney generals [sic] ** Trump told about his plan for monitoring and preventing voter fraud, as quoted by {{citation | author=Tara Subramariam | date=2020-08-21 |title=Fact Check: Can the President send law enforcement officers to polling places? | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/08/21/politics/donald-trump-law-enforcement-election-polls-fact-check/index.html}} * The [[deep state]], or whoever, over at the FDA is making it very difficult for drug companies to get people in order to test the vaccines and therapeutics. Obviously, they are hoping to delay the answer until after November 3rd. Must focus on speed, and saving lives ** As quoted by {{citation | author=Hope Yen, Calvin Woodward | date=2020-08-24 |title=AP FACT CHECK: Trump's baseless claim of 'deep state' at FDA| periodical=Pittsburgh Post-Gazette | url=https://www.post-gazette.com/business/powersource/2020/08/24/AP-FACT-CHECK-Trump-s-baseless-claim-of-deep-state-at-FDA/stories/202008240037}} ====September 2020==== * The entire city is ablaze all the time. ** Claimed about Portland, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-09-01 |title=Fact check: Trump makes more false claims about Biden and protests | author=By Daniel Dale, Tara Subramaniam, Holmes Lybrand | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/08/31/politics/trump-kenosha-briefing-fact-check/index.html}} * CNN reported that I had a heart attack. ** Claimed as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-09-03 |title=Even Fox News is choosing not to cover Trump's rallies in full, but his falsehoods are still eye-popping |author=Brian Stelter | periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/09/04/media/donald-trump-pennsylvania-reliable-sources/index.html}} * Hospitalizations and deaths have declined radically over the past week. ** Claimed about the Covid-19 pandemic, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-09-03 |title=Even Fox News is choosing not to cover Trump's rallies in full, but his falsehoods are still eye-popping |author=Brian Stelter | periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/09/04/media/donald-trump-pennsylvania-reliable-sources/index.html}} * The Dow Jones Industrial just closed above 29,000! You are so lucky to have me as your President. With Joe Hiden’ it would crash. ** [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1301249968091455488 Tweet] * Did you ever see a man who likes a mask as much as him? He has it hanging down. Because it gives him a feeling of security. If I were a psychiatrist, right, you know I'd say: 'This guy's got some big issues. Hanging down. Hanging down'. ** Said about President candidate Joe Biden wearing a face mask for protection against Covid-19, as quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-04 |title=Donald Trump mocks Joe Biden for manner of wearing mask | periodical=Independent.ie | url=https://www.independent.ie/videos/donald-trump-mocks-joe-biden-for-manner-of-wearing-mask-39502878.html}} * If it has not been counted, vote -- which is every citizen's right to do -- you go and vote. You press the lever and vote. So if it hasn't been counted, if it doesn't show up, go and vote, and then, if your mail-in ballot arrives after you vote, which it shouldn't but possibly it could perhaps, that ballot will not be used or counted in that your vote has already been cast and tabulated, so this way you're guaranteed to have your vote count. ** Trump suggested voting twice, which is a federal crime, as quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-04 | title=Ignoring warnings from election officials, Trump again suggests supporters should try to vote twice | author= Dianne Gallagher, Caroline Kelly, Marshall Cohen, Brian Rokus | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/09/05/politics/trump-vote-twice-north-carolina/index.html}} * The top people in the [[w:The Pentagon|Pentagon]]... want to do nothing but fight wars so all of those wonderful companies that make the bombs and make the planes and make everything else stay happy ** In front of the [[w:White House|White House]] at a [https://www.trtworld.com/americas/trump-pentagon-chiefs-fighting-wars-to-oblige-arms-companies-39561 US Labor Day news conference on September 7, 2020] * Under [[w:Operation_Warp_Speed|Operation Warp Speed]], we've pioneered groundbreaking therapies, reducing the fatality rate 85% since April. * We're way ahead on the nuclear front. We've upgraded our nuclear. * When reports come out that certain countries don't really like me too much, that's not because of my personality, although it could be that also, frankly. ** Quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-08 | title=The 37 most absurd lines from Donald Trump's Labor Day 'news conference' | author= Chris Cillizza | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/09/08/politics/donald-trump-labor-day-press-conference/index.html}} * The president of the United States calls the shots (Trump says in ~second 50 of video) * If [[Bob Woodward]] thought what I said was bad then he should have immediately, right after I said it, gone out to the authorities so they can prepare, ** Trump was talking about what he told Bob Woodward regarding downplaying the coronavirus threat, as quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-10 | title=Someone needs to remind Donald Trump that Bob Woodward isn't president of the United States | author= Chris Cillizza | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/09/10/politics/trump-bob-woodward-rage/index.html}} * I think there’s probably – possibly – drugs involved ** Claimed about President Candidate Joe Biden, as quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-10 | title=Trump uses Fox News interview to accuse Biden of taking drugs | author= Martin Pengelly | periodical=The Guardian | url=https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2020/sep/12/trump-biden-drugs-fox-news-interview}} * Tell your governor to open up your state ** On September 14, 2020, in front of hundreds of supporters packed together, according to [https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/elections/2020/09/13/donald-trump-latino-voters-las-vegas-ahead-rally/5784501002/ ''Nevada Governor Steve Sisolak says Trump took 'reckless and selfish actions' by holding indoor rally''] * I don't think [[science]] knows, actually. * It'll start getting cooler. You just watch. ** Trump described his stance on [[Scientific consensus on climate change|climate science]] and [[global warming]], as quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-14 | title=Trump baselessly questions climate science during California wildfire briefing | author= Maegan Vazquez | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/09/14/politics/donald-trump-wildfires-briefing-climate-change/index.html}} * Nobody knew the seniors are susceptible ** Claimed about the coronavirus, as quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-16 | title=Fact check: Trump made at least 22 false or misleading claims at ABC town hall | author= Daniel Dale | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/09/16/politics/fact-check-trump-abc-town-hall/index.html}} * We’re on track to deliver and distribute the vaccine in a very, very safe and effective manner. We think we can start sometime in October. So as soon as it is announced, we’ll be able to start. That’ll be from mid-October on. It may be a little bit later than that, but we’ll be all set. ** Quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-16 | title=Trump Again Overstates Speed of COVID-19 Vaccine Rollout | author= Jessica McDonald | periodical=FactCheck.org | url=https://www.factcheck.org/2020/09/trump-again-overstates-speed-of-covid-19-vaccine-rollout/}} * As soon as the FDA approves the vaccine... we’ll be able to distribute 100 million doses by the end of 2020 and a large number much sooner than that ** Quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-16 | title=Trump says U.S. could distribute at least 100 million COVID vaccine doses by end of 2020 | author= Reuters staff | periodical=Reuters| url=https://www.reuters.com/article/healthcoronavirus-trump-vaccine/trump-says-u-s-could-distribute-at-least-100-million-covid-vaccine-doses-by-end-of-2020-idINW1N2FG089}} * You saw what happened in [[Pennsylvania]]. Some state Supreme Court justice just ruled that they can take as long as they want to count the ballots. That means I’ll be leading and winning Pennsylvania like we did last time. Yeah, yeah. We’ll be leading, we’ll be winning Pennsylvania. We’re going to win it easy. ** Quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-16 | title=Trump’s False Statement About Counting Ballots in Pennsylvania | author= Rem Rieder | periodical=FactCheck.org| url=https://www.factcheck.org/2020/09/trumps-false-statement-about-counting-ballots-in-pennsylvania/}} * [[Left-wing politics|Left-wing]] mobs have torn down statues of our founders, desecrated our memorials, and carried out a campaign of [[violence]] and [[Anarchism|anarchy]]. Far-left demonstrators have chanted the words “America was never great.” The left has launched a vicious and violent assault on law enforcement — the universal symbol of the [[rule of law]] in America. These radicals have been aided and abetted by liberal politicians, [[Mainstream media|establishment media]], and even large [[corporations]]. Whether it is the mob on the street, or the cancel culture in the boardroom, the goal is the same: to silence dissent, to scare you out of speaking the truth, and to bully Americans into abandoning their values, their heritage, and their very way of life. ** [https://trumpwhitehouse.archives.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-white-house-conference-american-history/ Remarks by President Trump at the White House Conference on American History] (17 September 2020) * The radicals burning [[Flag of the United States|American flags]] want to burn down the principles enshrined in our founding documents, including the bedrock principle of equal justice under law. In order to radically transform America, they must first cause Americans to lose confidence in who we are, where we came from, and what we believe. As I said at [[Mount Rushmore]] — which they would love to rip down and it rip it down fast, and that’s never going to happen — two months ago, the left-wing cultural revolution is designed to overthrow the [[American Revolution]]. ** [https://trumpwhitehouse.archives.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-white-house-conference-american-history/ Remarks by President Trump at the White House Conference on American History] (17 September 2020) * The left has warped, distorted, and defiled the American story with deceptions, falsehoods, and lies. There is no better example than [[the New York Times]]’ totally discredited 1619 Project. This project rewrites American history to teach our children that we were founded on the principle of oppression, not freedom. Nothing could be further from the truth. America’s founding set in motion the unstoppable chain of events that abolished slavery, secured civil rights, defeated communism and fascism, and built the most fair, equal, and prosperous nation in human history. ** [https://trumpwhitehouse.archives.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-white-house-conference-american-history/ Remarks by President Trump at the White House Conference on American History] (17 September 2020) * Critical race theory, the 1619 Project, and the crusade against American history is toxic propaganda, ideological poison that, if not removed, will dissolve the civic bonds that tie us together. It will destroy our country. ** [https://trumpwhitehouse.archives.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-white-house-conference-american-history/ Remarks by President Trump at the White House Conference on American History] (17 September 2020) *She just died? Wow. I didn't know that. You are telling me now for the first time. She led an amazing life. What else can you say? Whether you agreed or not, she was an amazing woman who led an amazing life. I am actually sad to hear that. **[https://deadline.com/2020/09/donald-trump-ruth-bader-ginsburg-1234579988/ On the death of Ruth Bader Ginsburg] (18 September 2020) * Can you believe it, in one week they nominated me, not for one, but for two Nobel prizes. But you know, you have a president, you love your president, and your president gets honored, because I’m not being honored, you’re being honored with the Nobel Peace Prize, for Israel, what we did with Israel. ** Quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-19 | title=Trump’s Nobel Nonsense | author= Robert Farley | periodical=FactCheck.org| url=https://www.factcheck.org/2020/09/trumps-nobel-nonsense/}} * I’m the only man that got nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize and I didn’t get any press. They wouldn’t. For two of them. Last week, I’m not bragging about it. ** Quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-21 | title=Trump’s Nobel Nonsense | author= Robert Farley | periodical=FactCheck.org| url=https://www.factcheck.org/2020/09/trumps-nobel-nonsense/}} * I said, ‘Shinzo, please do me a favor, we need more car companies. ... We want them built here, not in Japan, please.’ He said, ‘But we cannot do that, this is a free enterprise system.’ I said, ‘... Please, I need some car companies.’ ... I said, ‘Shinzo, you have to do it.’ Next day, it was the story: ‘Five car companies opened up in Michigan.‘ ** Claimed as quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-21 | title=AP FACT CHECK: Trump’s made-up car plants, court revisionism | author= Hope Yen, Calvin Woodward, Tom Krisher | periodical=AP | url=https://apnews.com/ec85b88102464c9651d32b475c01c183}} * I saved it. I put our miners back to work. ** Claimed about the US coal mining industry, as quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-21 | title=Fact check: Trump makes false claims about his record on manufacturing and coal jobs | author= Daniel Dale | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/09/23/politics/fact-check-trump-jobs-manufacturing-coal/index.html}} * Now we know it. It [the coronavirus] affects elderly people, elderly people with heart problems and other problems. If they have other problems. That's what it really affects. That's it. You know, In some states, thousands of people—nobody young. Below the age of 18, like, nobody. They have a strong immune system, who knows? You look...Take your hat off to the young, because they have a hell of an immune system. But it affects virtually nobody. It's an amazing thing. ** Quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-22 | title=Trump Says Coronavirus 'Affects Virtually Nobody,' As U.S. Has World's Highest Death Toll | author= Kashmira Gander | periodical=Newsweek | url=https://www.newsweek.com/trump-covid-virtually-nobody-rally-ohio-1533452}} * The stated goal of BLM people is to achieve the destruction of the nuclear family, abolish the police, abolish prisons, abolish border security, abolish [[capitalism]] and abolish school choice. ** Claimed about the Black Lives Matter movement, as quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-25 | title=Donald Trump launches blistering attack on the Black Lives Matter movement | author= Graeme Massie | periodical=Independent.co.uk | url=https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/donald-trump-rally-today-blm-black-lives-matter-b604727.html}} * Totally fake news ** [https://www.politico.com/news/2020/09/27/trump-calls-nyt-tax-report-totally-fake-news-422330Trump responding] to the NYT report on the alleged tax avoidance by Donald Trump * We’re leading in [[Pennsylvania]]. We’re leading in [[Florida]]. I think we’re leading everywhere. ** Claimed as quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-28 | title=FactChecking Trump’s Weekend Claims | author=Lori Robertson, Robert Farley, Rem Rieder, Eugene Kiely, Jessica McDonald, D'Angelo Gore | periodical=FactCheck.org | url=https://www.factcheck.org/2020/09/factchecking-trumps-weekend-claims/}} * Drug prices will be coming down 80 or 90 percent. * It's a rigged election. ** Claimed as quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-30 | title=Fact check: False claims flood Trump-Biden debate | author=AP staff | periodical=MPR news| url=https://www.mprnews.org/story/2020/09/30/fact-check-false-claims-flood-trumpbiden-debate}} * I read today where at least 1% of the ballots for 2016 were invalidated. They take 'em. 'We don't like 'em. We don't like 'em.' They throw them out, left and right * Take a look at West Virginia, mailmen selling the ballots. They're being sold. * Number two, they cheat. They cheat. Hey, they found ballots in a wastepaper basket three days ago, and they all had the name military ballots -- there were military -- they all had the name Trump on 'em. ** Quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-30 | title=Fact check: Almost every single one of Trump's debate claims about mail-in voting was wrong | author=Daniel Dale, Marshall Cohen | periodical=CNN| url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/09/30/politics/fact-check-trump-first-debate-mail-voting-fraud/index.html}} * [[Steve Jobs]] would not be happy that his wife is wasting money he left her on a failing Radical Left Magazine that is run by a con man (Goldberg) and spews FAKE NEWS & HATE. Call her, write her, let her know how you feel!!! ** [[Trump]] in [https://www.cnn.com/2020/09/06/business/donald-trump-laurene-powell-jobs/?iid=ob_lockedrail_longstory_pool Trump attacks the sixth-richest woman in the world for her ties to] [[w:The Atlantic|The Atlantic]] on September 6, 2020 ====October 2020==== [[File:President Trump Works at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center (50423775191).jpg|thumb|[[Feeling]] really [[good]]! Don’t be [[afraid]] of [[COVID-19 pandemic|Covid]]. [[COVID-19 pandemic in the United States|Don’t let it dominate]] your [[life]]. We have developed, under the [[Presidency of Donald Trump|Trump Administration]], some really great [[drugs]] & [[knowledge]]. I feel better than I did 20 years ago!]] * Tonight, @FLOTUS and I tested positive for [[COVID-19]]. We will begin our quarantine and recovery process immediately. We will get through this TOGETHER! ** [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1311892190680014849 through twitter] on October 1, 2020 * OUR GREAT USA WANTS & NEEDS STIMULUS. WORK TOGETHER AND GET IT DONE. Thank you! ** [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1312449034154504192 via tweet] on October 3, 2020 * If you look at the therapeutics, which I’m taking right now, some of them, and others are coming out soon that are looking like, frankly, they’re miracles, if you want to know the truth, they’re miracles. People criticize me when I say that, but we have things happening that look like they’re miracles, coming down from God. ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-03 |title=Trump’s COVID-19 Misinformation Since Testing Positive | author= Jessica McDonald, Eugene Kiely, Lori Robertson | periodical=FactCheck.org | url=https://www.factcheck.org/2020/10/trumps-covid-19-misinformation-since-testing-positive/}} * I learned a lot about COVID. I learned it by really going to school. This is the real school, this isn’t the let’s-read-a-book school. And I get it and I understand it and it’s a very interesting thing and I’m gonna be letting you know about it. ** Said while being treated in hospital for Covid-19, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-05 |title=Editorial: President Trump’s learn-by-doing approach to COVID-19 | author=LA Times Editorial Board | periodical=LA Times | url=https://www.latimes.com/opinion/story/2020-10-06/trump-covid-school}} * I will be leaving the great Walter Reed Medical Center today at 6:30 P.M. Feeling really good! Don’t be afraid of Covid. Don’t let it dominate your life. We have developed, under the Trump Administration, some really great drugs & knowledge. I feel better than I did 20 years ago! ** [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1313186529058136070 Via twitter] posted 11:37 AM · Oct 5, 2020 * Flu season is coming up! Many people every year, sometimes over 100,000, and despite the Vaccine, die from the Flu. Are we going to close down our Country? No, we have learned to live with it, just like we are learning to live with Covid, in most populations far less lethal!!! ** Claimed in a tweet that was later labeled as misleading and in a Facebook posting that was later deleted by Facebook, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-06 |title=Facebook, Twitter block Trump post that falsely claims coronavirus is less deadly than flu | author=Jessica Bursztynsky | periodical=CNBC | url=https://www.cnbc.com/2020/10/06/facebook-removes-trump-post-falsely-comparing-coronavirus-and-the-flu.html}} * REPEAL [[SECTION 230]]!!! **6 October 2020 [https://x.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1313511340124917760 tweet] about [[w:Section 230|Section 230]] of the United States Communications Decency Act, which allows online platforms to moderate and remove harmful content without being penalized. Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-06 |title=Facebook, Twitter block Trump post that falsely claims coronavirus is less deadly than flu | author=Jessica Bursztynsky | periodical=CNBC | url=https://www.cnbc.com/2020/10/06/facebook-removes-trump-post-falsely-comparing-coronavirus-and-the-flu.html}} *I have instructed my representatives to stop negotiating until after the election when, immediately after I win, we will pass a major Stimulus Bill that focuses on hardworking Americans and Small Business. ** According to [https://www.axios.com/trump-coronavirus-stimulus-negotiations-7d464d0e-924f-46f5-90d2-9e8097c9c8f7.html Trump says he will not negotiate on COVID relief until after election] * We should have the small remaining number of our BRAVE Men and Women serving in Afghanistan home by Christmas! ** Via [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1313984510749544450 tweet] October 7, 2020 * I think this was a blessing from God that I caught it. It was a blessing in disguise. ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-08 |title=Trump returns to Oval Office and says coronavirus diagnosis was 'blessing from God' | author=Kevin Liptak | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/10/07/politics/trump-oval-office-coronavirus/index.html}} * I don’t think I’m contagious at all. ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-08 |title=President Trump says he’s not ‘contagious at all’ days after leaving hospital with coronavirus | author=Will Feuer | periodical=CNBC | url=https://www.cnbc.com/2020/10/08/president-trump-says-hes-not-contagious-at-all-days-after-leaving-hospital-with-coronavirus-.html}} * I'm not going to do a virtual debate. I’m not going to waste my time at a virtual debate. ** Trump commented on the initiative of having the presidential candidates participating from remote locations for the second presidential debate, in view of his Covid-19 infection, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-08 |title=Trump says he will 'not waste my time' with a 'virtual debate' after CPD announces changes | author=Brooke Singman | periodical=Fox News | url=https://www.foxnews.com/politics/second-trump-biden-debate-will-be-virtual-organizers-say}} * Monster .. Communist .. Horrible .. Totally unlikeable ** Trump was referring to Vice President candidate Kamala Harris, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-08 |title=Trump insults Harris as 'a monster' morning after vice presidential debate | author=Elizabeth Thomas | periodical=ABC News | url=https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/trump-insults-harris-monster-morning-vice-presidential-debate/story?id=73498918}} * We want to do a rally in Florida, probably in Florida on Saturday night, might come back and do one in Pennsylvania on the following night. I feel so good!<br>Well, what we’re doing is probably, the test will be tomorrow, and the actual test, because there’s no reason to test all the time, but they found very little infection or virus, if any. I don’t know if they found any, I didn’t go into it greatly with the doctors. ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-08 |title=Coughing Through Hannity Interview, Trump Says He Wants to Do Saturday Rally | author=Justin Baragona | periodical=Daily Beast | url=https://www.thedailybeast.com/trump-coughing-through-hannity-interview-says-he-wants-to-do-saturday-rally}} * Nobody ever even heard of tariffs. They never even heard of tariffs. Nobody. In fact, when I first started doing it, they didn't even know what it meant. ** Claimed about tariffs on imports from China, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-11 |title=Fact check: Trump makes at least 14 false claims in first post-hospital interview on Fox Business | author=Daniel Dale | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/10/08/politics/fact-check-trump-interview-bartiromo-fox-business/index.html}} * I'll walk into that audience. I'll walk in there, I'll kiss everyone in that audience. I'll kiss the guys and the beautiful women and the -- everybody. I'll just give everybody a big, fat kiss. ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-12 |title=Trump mocks virus as he launches potential superspreader sprint to win reelection | author=Stephen Collinson | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/10/13/politics/donald-trump-election-2020-campaign/index.html}} * They say he was born in Scranton, but he left, he left. He abandoned you. ** Trump referred back to when Joe Biden was 10 years old and the family moved from Pennsylvania to Delaware because his father started in a new job, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-14 |title=Fact check: Trump continues dishonesty bombardment at Pennsylvania rally | author=Daniel Dale | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/10/14/politics/fact-check-trump-rally-johnstown-pennsylvania/index.html}} * My plan: we’re gonna crush the virus very quickly. It’s happening already. It’s happening.<br>And Mexico is paying for the wall, by the way. You know that. I’ve been saying it. They hate to hear that. But they’re paying.<br>We passed VA Choice. ** Claimed as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-14 |title=Trump’s lies are getting sillier, stupider, and staler. Last night’s superspreader rally was a doozy | author=Aldous Pennyfarthing | periodical=Daily sound and fury | url=https://dailysoundandfury.com/trumps-lies-are-getting-sillier-stupider-and-staler-last-nights-superspreader-rally-was-a-doozy/}} * I’m OK with masks. I tell people, wear a mask. But just the other day they came out with a statement that 85% of the people that wear masks catch it. ** Claimed about the coronavirus, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-16 |title=FactChecking Trump’s Town Hall | author=Brooks Jackson, Lori Robertson, Robert Farley, Angelo Fichera, Jessica McDonald, Rem Rieder, Katie Busch, Eugene Kiely | periodical=FactCheck.org | url=https://www.factcheck.org/2020/10/factchecking-trumps-town-hall/}} * That was an opinion of somebody and that was a retweet. I’ll put it out there. People can decide for themselves. ** Trump explained why he retweeted a claim that Osama bin Laden’s killing was staged and that members of Navy SEAL Team 6 had been killed to cover it up. Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-16 |title=Column: Trump and Biden town halls showed us two worlds, and only one of them is terrifying | author=Rex Huppke | periodical=Chicago Tribune| url=https://www.chicagotribune.com/columns/rex-huppke/ct-trump-biden-town-hall-qanon-rogers-calm-election-polls-huppke-20201016-3oke7rhwhbdrfcshgbnpqmimbe-story.html}} * When I see thousands of ballots dumped in a garbage can and they happen to have my name on it? I’m not happy about it. ** Claimed as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-17 |title=AP FACT CHECK: Trump sees what others do not in the pandemic | author=Calvin Woodward, Hope Yen | periodical=AP News| url=https://apnews.com/article/election-2020-virus-outbreak-ap-fact-check-donald-trump-technology-a6ddb8360fa9b1ff95acbbc1e03f437e}} * Would you like a nice low-income housing project next to your suburban beautiful ranch style house? Generally speaking, no. I saved your suburbs -- <b>women -- suburban women, you're supposed to love Trump.</b> ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-17 |title=Trump continues bizarre appeals to suburban women as he campaigns in Covid hotspots | author=Maeve Reston| periodical=CNN| url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/10/18/politics/donald-trump-women-gretchen-whitmer/index.html}} * Fauci is a disaster. People are tired of coronavirus. People are tired of hearing Fauci and all these idiots. ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-17 |title=Trump says Americans 'tired of hearing Fauci and all these idiots' discuss Covid | author=Joan E Greve| periodical= The Guardian| url=https://www.theguardian.com/world/2020/oct/19/trump-fauci-idiot-experts-criticism-coronavirus}} * Did you see they found 50,000 ballots in like a river?<br>Even without the vaccine, the pandemic's going to end. It's gonna run its course. It's gonna end. They'll go crazy. He said 'without the vaccine' -- watch, it'll be a headline tomorrow. These people are crazy. No, it's running its course. We're rounding the turn. You see the numbers, and we're rounding the turn.<br>The United States shows more CASES than other countries, which the Lamestream Fake News Media pounces on daily, because it TESTS at such a high (and costly) level.<br>Since the China virus, we have created --- a record in the history of our country -- 11.4 million jobs over just a short period of months.<br>We're now setting records for employment, unemployment. We're setting all sorts of records economically<br>I signed a bill that gives you 10 years in jail if you rip down any federal statue.<br>Mexico is paying for the wall.<br>We gave the greatest -- the biggest tax cut in history. ** Claimed as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-20 |title=Fact-checking Trump's dishonest weekend: The President made at least 66 false or misleading claims in three days | author=Daniel Dale| periodical= CNN| url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/10/19/politics/fact-check-trump-dishonest-weekend-florida-michigan-georgia-wisconsin/index.html}} * <i> (About “phony fake ballots":) </i> How about the ones that were printed without my name on it, right? They had everything on it. They had every race, they had everything. You had the Senate, you had everything, they forgot to put me down. ** Claimed as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-20 |title=Trump Misleads on Ballots Again | author=Lori Robertson| periodical= FactCheck.org| url=https://www.factcheck.org/2020/10/trump-misleads-on-ballots-again/}} * We're not entering a dark winter, we are entering the final turn and the light at the end of the tunnel ** Said on October 23, 2020 According to ''Fox News Sunday with [[Chris Wallace]]'' [https://www.foxnews.com/shows/fox-news-sunday] * We're not supposed to have a socialist — look we're not going to be a socialist nation. <b> We're not going to have a socialist president, especially a female socialist president,</b> we're not gonna have it, we're not gonna put up with it. ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-24 |title=Trump targets Kamala Harris in sexist rant against the Democratic vice-presidential nominee | author=Sarah Al-Arshani| periodical= Business Insider| url=https://www.businessinsider.com/trump-targets-kamala-harris-in-sexist-rant-2020-10?r=US&IR=T}} * We won’t have a president that threatens people with jail for just criticizing him ** On the campaign trail for [[Joe Biden]] in [[https://www.wlrn.org/2020-10-25/obama-hits-campaign-trail-in-south-florida-criticizing-trumps-behavior-as-worse-than-florida-man Obama Hits Campaign Trail In South Florida, Criticizing Trump's Behavior As Worse Than Florida Man] October 25, 2020 * Lock'em all up. ** Said about an undefined group of people, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-26 |title=Fact check: Trump makes at least 16 false or misleading claims to '60 Minutes' | author=Daniel Dale| periodical= CNN| url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/10/25/politics/fact-check-trump-60-minutes-lesley-stahl/index.html}} * If I didn’t have social media, I’d have no way of getting out my voice. ** {{citation |date=2020-10-26 |title=CBS releases footage of Trump walking out of 60 Minutes interview | author=Martin Melam| periodical= The Guardian| url=https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2020/oct/26/cbs-releases-footage-trump-walking-out-60-minutes-interview}} * Big problems and discrepancies with Mail In Ballots all over the USA. Must have final total on November 3rd ** Tweet, labelled as "Misleading", as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-26 |title=Twitter slapped yet another Trump tweet about mail-in voting with a 'misleading' label and stopped other users from retweeting it | author=Isobel Asher Hamilton| periodical=Business Insider| url=https://www.businessinsider.com/twitter-trump-tweet-mail-voting-warning-label-minsinformation-block-retweet-2020-10?r=US&IR=T}} * We’re rounding the turn,our numbers are incredible. ** at a rally on October 26, 2020 according to [https://www.vox.com/21541967/covid-19-record-cases-us-coronavirus-winter-spike-surge 89,000 new Covid-19 cases per day. And the worst may be yet to come.] * COVID COVID COVID.. we are rounding the turn all they want to talk about is COVID by the way on Nov 4 you won't be hearing much more about it..Cases are up because we TEST TEST TEST ** During election campaign in [[w:Allentown, Pennsylvania|Allentown]] ''Trump calls U.S. coronavirus case spike a media ‘conspiracy’'' [https://globalnews.ca/news/7422033/coronavirus-trump-testing-conspiracy-tweet/ video] * The only thing you can do in Pennsylvania is a protest. You can't go to church. You can't pray to your God. You can't be with your pastors, your priests, your rabbis. You can't be -- none of that. You can't do anything ** Claimed as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-27 |title=Fact check: Trump falsely claims Pennsylvanians 'can't go to church' | author=Daniel Dale | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/10/27/politics/trump-false-claim-pennsylvania-cant-go-to-church-fact-check/index.html}} * He’ll bury you in regulations, dismantle your police departments, dissolve our borders, confiscate your guns, terminate religious liberty, destroy your suburbs. * If you vote for Biden, it means no kids in school, no graduations, no weddings, no Thanksgiving, no Christmas and no Fourth of July together ** Claimed about Democrat President Candidate Joe Biden, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-29 |title=With typical hyperbole, Trump paints apocalyptic portrait of life under Biden | author=Darlene Superville | periodical=The Times of Israel | url=https://www.timesofisrael.com/with-typical-hyperbole-trump-paints-apocalyptic-portrait-of-life-under-biden/}} *You know in Germany, if you have a bad heart and you’re ready to die, or if you have cancer and you’re going to be dying soon and you catch Covid, that happens: we mark it down to Covid.<br>You know, our doctors get more money if somebody dies from Covid. You know that, right?<br>I mean our doctors are very smart people. So what they do is, they say, "I’m sorry, but you know everybody dies of Covid."<br>But in Germany and other places, if you have a heart attack, or if you have cancer, you’re terminally ill, you catch Covid, they say you died of cancer, you died of a heart attack.<br>With us? When in doubt, choose Covid.<br>Now, it’s true. Now, they’ll say ‘oh, it’s terrible what he said’, but that’s true. It’s like $2,000 more. **[https://twitter.com/acyn/status/1322244374479040512 30 October 2020] ***Trump's estimate is too high, as [https://twitter.com/ashishkjha/status/1320492597320863751 Ashish Ja states], the bump for documenting Covid ranges from $1600-$2200 which is an average of only $1900 more. ====November 2020==== * We were getting ready to win this election. Frankly, we did win this election. This is a major fraud on our nation. We want the law to be used in a proper manner. So we’ll be going to the U.S. Supreme Court. We want all voting to stop. ** Claimed as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-11-03 |title=U.S. presidency still undecided; Biden opens leads in key Midwestern states | author= Trevor Hunnicutt, Jeff Mason | periodical=Reuters | url=https://www.reuters.com/article/usa-election/us-presidency-still-undecided-biden-opens-leads-in-key-midwestern-states-idUSKBN27J0FZ}} *I WON THIS ELECTION, BY A LOT! **[https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1325099845045071873 7 November 2020] *REPORT: DOMINION DELETED 2.7 MILLION TRUMP VOTES NATIONWIDE. DATA ANALYSIS FINDS 221,000 PENNSYLVANIA VOTES SWITCHED FROM PRESIDENT TRUMP TO BIDEN. 941,000 TRUMP VOTES DELETED. STATES USING DOMINION VOTING SYSTEMS SWITCHED 435,000 VOTES FROM TRUMP TO BIDEN. ** Disputed tweet, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-11-13 |title=AP fact check: Trump tweets a tall tale of 'deleted' votes | author= Ali Swenson, Amanda Seitz | periodical=AP News | url=https://apnews.com/article/election-2020-ap-fact-check-joe-biden-donald-trump-technology-13c104367924b8192b4fcecf334f7806}} *FoxNews and the Fake News Networks aren’t showing these massive gatherings. Instead they have their reporters standing in almost empty streets. We now have SUPPRESSION BY THE PRESS **[https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1327724046595842049 14 November 2020] * The vaccine will be available to the entire general population with the exception of places like New York state where for political reasons the governor decided to say — and I don’t think it’s good politically, I think it’s very bad from a health standpoint — but he wants to take his time with a vaccine. We can’t be delivering it to a state that won’t be giving it to its people immediately. ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-11-30 |title=AP FACT CHECK: Trump distorts on vaccine, state distribution | author= Hope Yen, Laura Neergard, Candice Choi | periodical=AP | url=https://apnews.com/article/ap-fact-check-joe-biden-donald-trump-politics-coronavirus-pandemic-76d1580f82b1586b207990396c1e3b5f}} * Big victory moments ago in the [[Nevada|State of Nevada]]. The all Democrat County Commissioner race, on same ballot as President, just thrown out because of large scale voter discrepancy. Clark County officials do not have confidence in their own election security. Major impact! ** [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1328483862490574849 Tweet] dated November 16, 2020 * I won the Election! ** [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1328334945148952576 Tweet] November 16, 2020, with the warning by twitter: "Multiple sources called this election differently" * The recent statement by / [[w:Chris Krebs|Chris Krebs]] on the security of the [[2020 Election]] was highly inaccurate... Therefore, effective immediately, Chris Krebs has been terminated as Director of the Cybersecurity and Infrastructure Security Agency. ** Trump fires his Director of the Cybersecurity via twitter according to [https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2020/11/17/trump-ousts-homeland-security-chris-krebs-called-election-secure/6276676002/ Trump ousts Homeland Security cyber chief Chris Krebs, who called election secure] published November 18, 2020 * You wouldn’t have vaccine if it weren’t for me, for another four years. ** Claimed, without evidence, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-11-20 |title=Trump Suggests Vaccine Companies Orchestrated Revenge-Filled Conspiracy to Make Him Lose | author= Rachel Olding | periodical=Daily Beast | url=https://www.thedailybeast.com/trump-suggests-vaccine-companies-orchestrated-revenge-filled-conspiracy-to-make-him-lose}} * Don't talk to me that way, you are lightweight. I'm the president of the United States. Don't ever talk to the president that way. **Responding to a reporter's questions at a Thanksgiving press conference in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-election-2020/trump-news-live-twitter-biden-election-b1762621.html Trump news – live: President promises to leave White House before erupting at #DiaperDon Twitter trend (video)] published November 27, 2020 *[[Big Tech]] and the [[Fake News]] Media have partnered to Suppress. [[Freedom of the press|Freedom of the Press]] is gone, a thing of the past. That’s why they refuse to report the real facts and figures of the 2020 Election... ** [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1332349861774155778?s=20 Tweet] posted November 27, 2020 which [[Twitter]] tagged with "This claim about election fraud is disputed" * Biden can only enter the White House as President if he can prove that his ridiculous '80,000,000 votes' were not fraudulently or illegally obtained. When you see what happened in Detroit, [[w:Atlanta|Atlanta]], [[Philadelphia]] & [[w:Milwaukee|Milwaukee]], massive voter fraud, he's got a big unsolvable problem. ** Claimed, without evidence, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-11-28 |title=Trump implies he won't leave the White House unless Biden 'can prove' he won 80 million votes, as the president continues to tweet lies and conspiracy theories about the election | author= Grace Panetta | periodical=Business Insider | url=https://www.businessinsider.com/trump-says-he-wont-leave-white-house-biden-disproves-fraud-2020-11?r=US&IR=T}} * Specific allegations were made, and we have massive proof, in the Pennsylvania case. Some people just don’t want to see it. They want nothing to do with saving our Country. Sad!!! ** [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1332778938121203720 Tweet] posted November 28, 2020 * @FoxNews daytime is virtually unwatchable, especially during the weekends. ** Tweet, quoted by {{citation |date=2020-11-29 |title=Trump tells viewers to watch 'anything else' but Fox News ahead of his 1st interview since Election Day | author= Yelena Dzhanova | periodical=Business Insider | url=https://www.businessinsider.com/trump-calls-fox-news-unwatchable-criticism-newsmax-2020-11?r=US&IR=T}} * We don't have freedom of the press in this country, we have suppression of the press ** In a phone interview with [[Maria Bartiromo]] on [[Fox News]] November 29, 2020 * I came up with vaccines that people didn't think we'd have for five years * We had glitches where they moved thousands of votes from my account to Biden's account * <i> (About the handling of the coronavirus in the US:) </i> We're doing better than the rest of the world ** Claimed, without evidence, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-11-29 |title=Fox News' Maria Bartiromo gave Trump his first TV interview since the election. It was filled with lies | author= Alexis Benveniste | periodical= CNN Business | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/11/29/media/bartiromo-trump-interview/index.html}} * Who needs Democrats when you have Republicans like [[Brian Kemp]] and Doug Ducey? ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-11-30 |title=Arizona Gov. Doug Ducey defends election process after Trump attack | author= Caroline Kelly, Alison Main | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/11/30/politics/doug-ducey-defends-election-arizona-trump/index.html}} ====December 2020==== * Actually, I won [[Wisconsin]]. ** Claimed, without evidence, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-12-05 |title=Fact check: Among baseless claims of rigged election, Trump says he won Wisconsin | author= D.L. Davis, Politifact | periodical=Houston Cronicle | url=https://www.houstonchronicle.com/local/texas-politics/politifact/article/Fact-check-Among-baseless-claims-of-rigged-15794749.php}} * You know we won Georgia, just so you understand. ** Claimed, without evidence, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-12-05 |title=Fact Check: Trump Makes Bogus Swing State Claim During Campaign Stop In Georgia | author= Eugene Kiely | periodical=GA Today | url=https://www.gpb.org/news/2020/12/09/fact-check-trump-makes-bogus-swing-state-claim-during-campaign-stop-in-georgia}} * If I lost, I’d be a very gracious loser. ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-12-06 |title=AP FACT CHECK: Trump floods rally with audacious falsehoods | author= Calvin Woodward | periodical=AP News | url=https://apnews.com/article/fact-check-donald-trump-rally-falsehoods-424834660f894040b55b415aecb2a443}} * RINOS @BrianKempGA, @GeoffDuncanGA, & Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger, will be solely responsible for the potential loss of our two GREAT Senators from Georgia, @sendavidperdue & @KLoeffler. Won’t call a Special Session or check for Signature Verification! People are ANGRY! ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-12-07 |title=Trump Says 'RINOS' Kemp, Raffensperger 'Solely Responsible' If Loeffler, Perdue Lose Election | author= Jeffery Martin | periodical=Newsweek | url=https://www.newsweek.com/trump-says-rinos-kemp-raffensperger-solely-responsible-if-loeffler-perdue-lose-election-1553024}} * The Supreme Court really let us down. No Wisdom, No Courage! ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-12-11 |title='No Wisdom, No Courage!': Trump lashes out at the Supreme Court after it rejected a Texas bid to overturn the election results| author= Kelsey Vlamis | periodical=MSN News | url=https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/other/no-wisdom-no-courage-trump-lashes-out-at-the-supreme-court-after-it-rejected-a-texas-bid-to-overturn-the-election-results/ar-BB1bRIqA}} * WE HAVE JUST BEGUN TO FIGHT!!! ** Tweeted about contesting the 2020 Presidential election result, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-12-11 |title=Trump engages in self-sabotage ahead of historic vaccine rollout | author= Maeve Reston | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/12/13/politics/donald-trump-william-barr-pfizer-vaccine/index.html}} * It's not over. We keep going and we're going to continue to go forward. ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-12-12 |title=Trump tells 'Fox & Friends' election challenges 'not over' ahead of Electoral College vote | author= Ronn Blitzner | periodical=Fox News | url=https://www.foxnews.com/politics/trump-fox-and-friends-election-challenges-not-over-electoral-college-vote}} * Wow! Thousands of people forming in [[Washington, D.C.|Washington (D.C.)]] for [[w:Stop the Steal|Stop the Steal]]. Didn't know about this, but I'll be seeing them! #MAGA ** [https://en.wikinews.org/wiki/Conservative_groups_hold_rally_in_Washington_D.C._claiming_U.S._elections_were_stolen_from_President_Trump Conservative groups hold rally in Washington D.C. claiming U.S. elections were stolen from President Trump]December 15, 2020 * I saved at least 8 Republican Senators, including Mitch, from losing in the last Rigged (for President) Election. Now they (almost all) sit back and watch me fight against a crooked and vicious foe, the Radical Left Democrats. I will NEVER FORGET! ** Disputed [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1342245390540804096 Tweet], 25 December 2020. {{Anchor|Supreme Court totally incompetent}} * The [[Supreme Court of the United States|U.S. Supreme Court]] has been totally incompetent and weak on the massive Election Fraud that took place in the 2020 Presidential Election. We have absolute PROOF, but they don't want to see it - No 'standing', they say. If we have corrupt elections, we have no country! ** Disputed tweet, quoted by {{citation |date=2020-12-26 |title=With less than a month left in office, Trump lashes out at 'totally incompetent' Supreme Court for refusing to overturn his election loss | author= Connor Perrett | periodical=Business Insider | url=https://www.businessinsider.com/trump-supreme-court-totally-incompetent-for-refusing-to-overturn-election-2020-12?r=US&IR=T}} * Weak and tired Republican “leadership” will allow the bad Defense Bill to pass. ** [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1342245390540804096 Tweet], 29 December 2020. * Republican leadership only wants the path of least resistance. Our leaders (not me, of course!) are pathetic. ** Tweet, quoted by {{citation |date=2020-12-29 | title=Trump lashes out at Republicans after they override his veto | author= Zachary B. Wolfe | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/12/29/politics/donald-trump-house-votes/index.html}} ===2021=== {| style="float:center; background:none;border: 1px solid silver;{{Border-radius|35px}}; margin:15px; background-color:#F6F6F6;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122);" |- |<div id="articlecount" style="width:100%; text-align:center; font-size:105%;"> 20 January 2021 [[File:Seal of the President of the United States.svg|20px]] - End of presidency </div> |- |} ====January 2021==== *So, look, all I wanna do, is I wanna find 11,780 votes. **Spoken to Georgia election officials (including Georgia Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger) on January 2, pressuring Secretary of State {{w|Brian Kemp}} to recalculate the [[w:2020 United States presidential election|2020 United States presidential election]] vote in his favor. {{citation |date=2020-01-03 |url=https://www.washingtonpost.com/video/politics/audio-trump-berates-ga-secretary-of-state-urges-him-to-find-votes/2021/01/03/aba64f5f-8c3c-490f-af34-618ccea732d7_video.html |title=Audio: Trump berates Ga. secretary of state, urges him to ‘find’ votes |publisher=''{{w|The Washington Post}}''}} ***[https://www.cnn.com/2021/01/03/politics/trump-brad-raffensperger-phone-call-transcript/index.html full transcript] on CNN * So dead people voted. And I think the number is close to 5,000 people [in Georgia] .. [There] were thousands and thousands of ballots in a box that was not an official or a sealed box.<br>They ran out because of a water-main break. And there was no water main, there was nothing. There was no break.<br>You had out-of-state voters - they voted in Georgia but they were from out of state - of 4,925<br>They're shredding ballots. And you should look at that very carefully. Because that's so illegal.<br>We have not gone through your Dominion [voting machines], so we can't give them blessing. I mean, in other states, we think we found tremendous corruption with Dominion machines... ** {{citation |date=2020-01-03 | author = BBC News Reality Check Team | url=https://www.bbc.com/news/election-us-2020-55529230 |title=Georgia election: Donald Trump's phone call fact-checked |publisher=BBC News}} *One thing we know is you, [[w:Jeffrey A. Rosen|Rosen]], aren't going to do anything to overturn the election ** "[https://www.npr.org/2021/10/07/1044015379/senate-report-details-trumps-efforts-to-use-doj-to-overturn-election-results Senate report details Trump's efforts to use DOJ to overturn election results]" (January 3, 2021) *Rudy, you did a great job. He's got guts. You know what? He's got guts, unlike a lot of people in the Republican Party. He's got guts. He fights, he fights.<br>..<br>Our brightest days are before us, our greatest achievements still wait. I think one of our great achievements will be election security because nobody until I came along, had any idea how corrupt our elections were. And again, most people would stand there at 9:00 in the evening and say, “I want to thank you very much,” and they go off to some other life, but I said, “Something’s wrong here. Something’s really wrong. Can’t have happened.” And we fight. We fight like Hell and if you don’t fight like Hell, you’re not going to have a country anymore.<br>..<br>After this, we’re going to walk down and I’ll be there with you. We’re going to walk down. We’re going to walk down any one you want, but I think right here. We’re going walk down to the Capitol, and we’re going to cheer on our brave senators, and congressmen and women. We’re probably not going to be cheering so much for some of them because you’ll never take back our country with weakness. You have to show strength, and you have to be strong. We have come to demand that Congress do the right thing and only count the electors who have been lawfully slated, lawfully slated. I know that everyone here will soon be marching over to the Capitol building to peacefully and patriotically make your voices heard. Today we will see whether Republicans stand strong for integrity of our elections, but whether or not they stand strong for our country, our country. Our country has been under siege for a long time, far longer than this four-year period.<br>we’re going to walk down Pennsylvania Avenue, I love Pennsylvania Avenue, and we’re going to the Capitol and we’re going to try and give…<br>our Republicans, the weak ones, because the strong ones don’t need any of our help,<br>we’re going to try and give them the kind of pride and boldness that they need to take back our country.<br>So let’s walk down Pennsylvania Avenue. **[https://www.rev.com/blog/transcripts/donald-trump-speech-save-america-rally-transcript-january-6 Save America Rally Speech] on 6 January 2021 * Mike Pence didn’t have the courage to do what should have been done to protect our Country and our Constitution, giving States a chance to certify a corrected set of facts, not the fraudulent or inaccurate ones which they were asked to previously certify. USA demands the truth! **[https://archive.is/jCmfK 11:24am tweet] on 6 January 2021 * So what? ** January 6, 2021, while watching television news coverage of the [[2021 United States Capitol attack]] in the dining room off of the [[w:Oval Office|Oval Office]], upon being informed Vice President [[Mike Pence]] had been moved to a secure location ({{cite news |title=Judge Unseals New Evidence in Federal Election Case Against Trump |newspaper=[[The New York Times]] |first1=Alan |last1=Feuer |first2=Charlie |last2=Savage |date=October 2, 2024 |url=https://www.nytimes.com/2024/10/02/us/politics/trump-jan-6-case-jack-smith-evidence.html}} {{cite news |title=US prosecutors show new details of Trump's bid to overturn election loss |first=Andrew |last=Goudsward |date=October 2, 2024 |url=https://www.reuters.com/world/us/us-prosecutors-detail-evidence-trump-election-subversion-case-2024-10-02/ |agency=[[w:Reuters|Reuters]]}}) *I am asking for everyone at the U.S. Capitol to remain peaceful. No violence! Remember, WE are the Party of law and order – respect the law and our great men and women in blue. Thank you! **[https://archive.is/IvpaU 12:13pm tweet] on 6 January 2021 *We love you. You are very special. **In video in tweet (later deleted) aimed at protestors who entered into the United States Capitol. Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-01-06 | author = Eliza Relman, Oma Seddiq, Jake Lahut | url=https://www.businessinsider.com/trump-video-statement-capitol-rioters-we-love-you-very-special-2021-1?r=US&IR=T |title=Trump tells his violent supporters who stormed the Capitol 'you're very special,' but asks them 'to go home' |publisher=Business Insider}} *To all of my wonderful supporters, I know you are disappointed, but I also want you to know that our incredible journey is just beginning ** video (2;28) from [https://archive.is/o4JN6 4:28pm tweet] posted by [[Ivanka Trump]] on 7 January 2020 *I would like to begin by addressing the heinous attack on the United States Capitol. Like all Americans, I am outraged by the violence, lawlessness, and mayhem. I immediately deployed the National Guard and Federal law enforcement to secure the building and expel the intruders. America is and must always be a nation of law and order. The demonstrators who infiltrated the Capitol have defiled the seat of American democracy. To those who engage in the acts of violence and destruction, you do not represent our country. And to those who broke the law, you will pay.<br>We have just been through an intense election, and emotions are high. But now tempers must be cooled and calm restored. We must get on with the business of America. My campaign vigorously pursued every legal avenue to contest the election results. My only goal was to ensure the integrity of the vote. In so doing, I was fighting to defend American democracy. I continue to strongly believe that we must reform our election laws to verify the identity and eligibility of all voters and to ensure faith and confidence in all future elections. **post-January 6 speech [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/videotaped-remarks-the-attack-the-united-states-capitol-the-certification-the-electoral Videotaped Remarks on the Attack on the United States Capitol, the Certification of the Electoral College Results, and the Transition to a New Administration] on January 7 *To all of those who have asked, I will not be going to the Inauguration on January 20th. **[https://archive.is/tzc2r 7:44am tweet] on 8 January 2021 * His ingenuity, genius, and creativity earned him immense wealth, but his character and philanthropic generosity his great name. Sheldon was also a staunch supporter of our great ally the State of [[Israel]] ** [[President Trump]] in [https://www.npr.org/2021/01/12/693679109/sheldon-adelson-conservative-donor-and-casino-titan-dies-at-87 Sheldon Adelson, Conservative Donor And Casino Titan, Dies At 87] January 12, 2021 * We will be back in some form ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-01-20 | author = Kevin Liptak | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2021/01/20/politics/donald-trump-leaves-white-house/index.html |title=Trump departs Washington a pariah as his era in power ends |publisher=CNN}} ====February 2021==== * The [[Republican Party (United States)|Republican Party]] can never again be respected or strong with political “leaders” like Sen. [[Mitch McConnell]] at its helm. McConnell’s dedication to business as usual, status quo policies, together with his lack of political insight, wisdom, skill, and personality, has rapidly driven him from Majority Leader to Minority Leader, and it will only get worse. The Democrats and [[Chuck Schumer]] play McConnell like a fiddle—they’ve never had it so good—and they want to keep it that way! We know our America First agenda is a winner, not McConnell’s Beltway First agenda or Biden’s America Last. * It was a complete election disaster in Georgia, and certain other swing states. McConnell did nothing, and will never do what needs to be done in order to secure a fair and just electoral system into the future. He doesn’t have what it takes, never did, and never will. * Mitch is a dour, sullen, and unsmiling political hack, and if Republican Senators are going to stay with him, they will not win again. He will never do what needs to be done, or what is right for our Country. ** [https://www.politico.com/f/?id=00000177-ad2a-d713-a777-edee3b100000 Statement by Donald J. Trump, February 16, 2021] ====March 2021==== * Do you miss me yet? Do you miss me? * Mr. McLaughlin just gave me numbers that nobody's ever heard of before, more popular than anybody. That's all of us. It's all of us. * We won the election twice. I mean, you know, think about it ... * But who knows? Who knows? I may even decide to beat them for a third time, OK? For a third time. * This election was rigged. And the Supreme Court and other courts didn't want to do anything about it. * And the only people that should be allowed to vote by mail are people that can be proven to be either very sick or out of the country or military where they can't do it. One day. * And then a Republican president will make a triumphant return to the White House. And I wonder who that will be. I wonder who that will be. Who, who, who will that be, I wonder? ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2021-03-01 | author = Chris Cillizza | title = The 50 most ridiculous lines from Donald Trump's CPAC speech | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2021/03/01/politics/donald-trump-cpac-speech/index.html |publisher=CNN}} * Karl Rove has been losing for years, except for himself. * He's a RINO of the highest order, who came to the Oval Office lobbying for 5G for him and a group. * He's a pompous fool with bad advice and always has an agenda. * If the Republican Party is going to be successful, they're going to have to stop dealing with the likes of Karl Rove and just let him float away, or retire, like Liddle' Bob Corker, Jeff 'Flakey' Flake, and others like Toomey of Pennsylvania, who will soon follow. * 31 million people listened to my CPAC speech online, and it had among the largest television audience of the week, even though it was on cable at 4pm on Sunday afternoon. ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2021-03-05 | author = Chris Cillizza | title = The 17 most outlandish lines from Donald Trump's attack on Karl Rove | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2021/03/05/politics/donald-trump-karl-rove-2020-election/index.html |publisher=CNN}} * I will not be endorsing, under any circumstances, the failed candidate from the great State of Alaska, [[w:Lisa Murkowski|Lisa Murkowski]]. She represents her state badly and her country even worse. I do not know where other people will be next year, but I know where I will be — in Alaska campaigning against a disloyal and very bad Senator. ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2021-03-06 | author = Alex Isenstadt | title = Trump vows to campaign against 'disloyal' Murkowski | url=https://www.politico.com/news/2021/03/06/trump-lisa-murkowski-2022-474028 |publisher=Politico}} * No more money for RINOS. They do nothing but hurt the Republican Party and our great voting base--they will never lead us to Greatness. Send your donation to Save America PAC at DonaldJTrump.com. ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2021-03-10 | author = Michael Warren, Fredreka Schouten, Eric Bradner | title = Trump's clash with GOP over using his name in fundraising ignites midterm worries | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2021/03/10/politics/trump-republican-fundraising-midterms/index.html |publisher=CNN}} * I would recommend it, and I would recommend it to a lot of people that don't want to get it and a lot of those people voted for me, frankly. But again, we have our freedoms and we have to live by that and I agree with that also. But it is a great vaccine. It is a safe vaccine and it is something that works. ** On the COVID-19 vaccine. Quoted by {{citation|date=2021-3-16|author=Meredith McGraw|title=Trump encourages Americans to get the Covid vaccine|publisher=Politico|url=https://www.politico.com/news/2021/03/16/trump-americans-covid-vaccine-476479}} * <i> About the {{w|2021 storming of the United States Capitol}}:</i> It was zero threat, right from the start, it was zero threat. Look, they went in, they shouldn't have done it. Some of them went in, and they are hugging and kissing the police and the guards, you know, they had great relationships. A lot of the people were waved in, and then they walked in and they walked out. ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2021-03-26 | author = Veronica Stracqualursi | title = Trump lies about Capitol riot by claiming his supporters were 'hugging and kissing' cops | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2021/03/26/politics/donald-trump-january-6-rioters-arrests/index.html |publisher=CNN}} * And China, the same thing, they never treated us that way, right? You saw what happened a few days ago, was terrible, and uh, the border is not good, the border is the worst anybody’s ever seen it, and what you see now, multiply it times 10, Jim — he’s the only one I know who would handle the border tougher than me. We have to, and the tough is…in the most humanitarian way, because that’s what it is. What’s happening to the kids, they’re living in squalor, they are living like nobody has ever seen anybody, there’s never been anything like what’s, and you’re gonna have hundreds, and you have it now, they have the airplane photos, the shocks, and they call ’em shocks, and these things are showing thousands and thousands of people coming up from South America and it’s gonna be, it’s just uh, look, it’s a disaster. It’s a humanitarian disaster from their standpoint, and it’s gonna destroy the country, and frankly, the country can’t afford it because you’re talking about massive, just incredibly massive amounts. Our school systems, our hospital systems, everything. ** Wedding toast, quoted by {{citation |date=2021-03-29 | author = Bess Levin | title = Of course Donald Trump crashed a wedding a gave a rambling, incoherent speech about Biden, Iran and China | url=https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2021/03/donald-trump-mar-a-lago-wedding-speech |publisher=Vanity Fair}} * Based on their interviews, I felt it was time to speak up about [[Anthony Fauci|Dr. Fauci]] and Dr. Birx, two self-promoters trying to reinvent history to cover for their bad instincts and faulty recommendations, which I fortunately almost always overturned. They had bad policy decisions that would have left our country open to China and others, closed to reopening our economy, and years away from an approved vaccine — putting millions of lives at risk * Dr. Birx was a terrible medical advisor, which is why I seldom followed her advice. * I only kept Dr. Fauci and Dr. Birx on because they worked for the U.S. government for so long — they are like a bad habit! ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2021-03-29 | author = Benjamin Din | title = Trump lashes out at Fauci and Birx after CNN documentary | url=https://www.politico.com/news/2021/03/29/trump-fauci-birx-cnn-documentary-478422 |publisher=Politico}} * Dr. Birx is a proven liar with very little credibility left. ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2021-03-29 | author = Brett Samuels | title = Trump targets Fauci, Birx in lengthy diatribe | url=https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/545472-trump-targets-fauci-birx-in-lengthy-diatribe |publisher=The Hill}} ====April 2021==== * Happy Easter to ALL, including the Radical Left CRAZIES who rigged our Presidential Election, and want to destroy our Country! ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2021-04-05 | author = Martin Pengelly | title = Who needs Twitter? Trump wishes happy Easter to 'radical left crazies' | url=https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2021/apr/04/trump-wishes-happy-easter-to-radical-left-crazies |publisher=The Guardian}} * I'll give you a little breaking news, [[w:Pfizer|Pfizer]] is in with the FDA. What the FDA did with [[w:Johnson & Johnson|Johnson and Johnson]] is so stupid ** [https://web.archive.org/web/20210627112356/https://www.pharmamanufacturing.com/industrynews/2021/trump-blasts-fda-for-j-and-j-vax-pause-says-pfizer-in-with-the-agency/ TV interview with Sean Hannity] * Getting out of Afghanistan is a wonderful and positive thing to do. I planned to withdraw on May 1st, and we should keep as close to that schedule as possible. ** [https://www.businessinsider.com/trump-biden-afghanistan-pullout-wonderful-and-positive-thing-to-do-2021-4?r=US&IR=T "Trump says Biden's plan to withdraw US troops from Afghanistan is a 'wonderful and positive thing to do'"], Business Insider, 19 April 2021 ====May 2021==== *If a thief robs a jewelry store of all of its diamonds (the 2020 Presidential Election), the diamonds must be returned. **[https://www.donaldjtrump.com/news/statement-by-donald-j-trump-45th-president-of-the-united-states-of-america-05.10.21-4 10 May 2021] *The entire Database of [[Maricopa County]] in Arizona has been DELETED! This is illegal and the Arizona State Senate, who is leading the Forensic Audit, is up in arms. Additionally, seals were broken on the boxes that hold the votes, ballots are missing, and worse. Mark Brnovich, the Attorney General of Arizona, will now be forced to look into this unbelievable Election crime. **[https://www.donaldjtrump.com/desk/desk-4yeh37peju/ 15 May 2021] ====June 2021==== *Congratulations to the country of [[Nigeria]], who just banned [[Twitter]] because they banned [[Muhammadu Buhari|their President]]. More COUNTRIES should ban Twitter and Facebook for not allowing free and open speech — all voices should be heard. [[Mark Zuckerberg|Zuckerberg]] kept calling me and coming to the White House for dinner telling me how great I was. ** [https://www.businessinsider.com/trump-more-countries-should-ban-twitter-facebook-zuckerberg-2021-6] *They may allow me back in two years. We got to stop that. We can’t let it happen. So unfair. They are shutting down an entire group of people. Not just me. They are shutting down the voice of a much more powerful and a much larger group. ** about Facebook banning him, in rally speech [https://deadline.com/2021/06/donald-trump-facebook-mark-zuckerberg-1234770087/] ====July 2021==== *The American people’s birthright of freedom must prevail against [[Big Tech]] and other forces that seek to destroy it. **7 July 2021 [https://www.politico.com/news/2021/07/07/trump-big-tech-lawsuit-498536 Politico, Trump plans class action suit against Twitter, Facebook] *The de facto [[censorship]] arm of the US government. **7 July 2021 [https://www.rt.com/usa/528607-donald-trump-facebook-twitter/ Russia Today] *Many say I am the greatest star-maker of all time. But some of the stars I produced are actually made of garbage. **[https://web.archive.org/web/20210715183933/https://www.donaldjtrump.com/news/statement-by-donald-j-trump-45th-president-of-the-united-states-of-america-07.15.21-06 15 July 2021 on DonaldJTrump.com] ====August 2021==== *There is massive and unconditional evidence that the election was shattered with fraud and irregularities at a level that our Country has never seen before. Much of it is already public, and a great deal more is coming out in the very near future. Every time you read a statement that there is “no evidence of election fraud,” about the 2020 election scam, just attribute that statement to a crooked and collusive media (they work closely together with the Radical Left Democrats) that will do anything to hide the real facts of this election fiasco. **[https://www.donaldjtrump.com/news/news-qvb8wmvsyn0 1 August 2021] *If I were President right now, with COVID raging back, people being shot and killed in record numbers all over our cities, and the Border totally open with criminals and heavily infected COVID people pouring through our Southern Border and into our communities, the Fake News Media would be having an absolute field day. **[https://www.donaldjtrump.com/news/news-kyatp4nd8q0 2 August 2021] * If our soccer team, headed by a radical group of Leftist Maniacs, wasn’t woke, they would have won the Gold Medal instead of the Bronze. * Woke means you lose, everything that is woke goes bad, and our soccer team certainly has. * They should replace the wokesters with Patriots and start winning again. The woman with the purple hair played terribly and spends too much time thinking about Radical Left politics and not doing her job! ** Said about the US women's national soccer team after winning a bronze medal in the Olympic Games in Tokyo, as quoted in [https://amp.theguardian.com/football/2021/aug/05/donald-trump-uswnt-usa-soccer-olympics-bronze-megan-rapinoe-tokyo-2020 "‘Woke means you lose’: Donald Trump rails at USWNT after Olympic bronze"], The Guardian, 5 August 2021 * I have quietly said for years that Mitch McConnell is the most overrated man in politics— now I don't have to be quiet anymore. ** Quoted in [https://www.newsweek.com/trump-calls-mitch-mcconnell-most-overrated-man-politics-ahead-infrastructure-vote-1617944 "Trump Calls Mitch McConnell 'Most Overrated Man in Politics' Ahead of Infrastructure Vote"], Newsweek, 10 August 2021 * I recommend: take the vaccines. I did it. It’s good. Take the vaccines. ** [https://www.cnbc.com/2021/08/22/trump-booed-at-alabama-rally-after-telling-supporters-to-get-vaccinated.html "Trump booed at Alabama rally after telling supporters to get vaccinated"], CNBC, 22 August 2021 ====September 2021==== * If they let you do your job you wouldn’t have crime in New York! * I’ve been given so much support by the people who do what you do. * We love the blue. I’ll say it loud. You know, you’re not supposed to say that. We love the blue. **[https://nypost.com/2021/09/11/trump-makes-surprise-visit-to-new-york-police-and-firefighters/ Trump makes surprise visit to New York police and firefighters on 9/11] * We’re not going to have a country left in three years, I’ll tell you that. ** [https://www.yahoo.com/news/donald-trump-predicts-america-end-002940784.html "Donald Trump Predicts America Will End Within 3 Years"], quoted by David Moye, Yahoo News, 15 September 2021 * [[w:Anthony Gonzalez (politician)|1]] down, 9 to go! ** "[https://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2021/sep/17/trump-celebrates-gonzalezs-exit-1-down-9-go/ Trump celebrates Gonzalez’s exit: ‘1 down, 9 to go!’]" (September 17, 2021) * Everybody will be watching [[Arizona]] tomorrow to see what the highly respected auditors and Arizona State Senate found out regarding the so-called Election! ** "[https://www.politico.com/news/2021/09/24/arizona-review-draft-report-tally-biden-won-514088 GOP-led Arizona election review closely matches Biden's winning margin]" (September 23) * They want to go after me because I have, they think, a big mouth. I don't have a big mouth, you know what I have, I have a mouth that tells the truth. ** [https://www.businessinsider.com/trump-says-has-mouth-tells-truth-while-lying-georgia-rally-2021-9?r=US&IR=T "Trump says he has 'a mouth that tells the truth' while making false statements at Georgia rally"], Insider, 26 September 2021 October 2021 “I wanted to have people be ready because we were put on alert that they were going to do fruit,” Trump said in the October 2021 deposition, according to a transcript of the proceedings. ====October 2021==== * Nobody has done more for [[Christianity]] or for [[evangelicals]] — or for [[religion]] itself — than I have. ** Quoted in [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-claims-nobody-has-done-more-religion-itself-him-1635036 "Donald Trump Claims Nobody Has Done More 'for Religion Itself' Than Him"], Newsweek, 2 October 2021 * the real insurrection happened on November 3rd, the Presidential Election, not on [[January 6th]]—which was a day of protesting the Fake Election results ** [https://www.npr.org/2021/10/06/1043746455/trump-continues-to-lie-says-real-insurrection-happened-when-he-lost-election Trump continues to lie, says 'real insurrection' happened when he lost election]" (October 6, 2021) * [[Republican]] [[Senators]], do not [[vote]] for this terrible deal ([[debt]] limit) being pushed by folding [[Mitch McConnell]]. Stand strong for our Country.  * The [[American]] people are with you! ** In an emailed statement "[https://thehill.com/homenews/senate/575876-trump-urged-gop-senators-to-vote-against-mcconnell-debt-deal Trump urges GOP senators to vote against McConnell debt deal]" (October 7,2021) * If we don't solve the Presidential Election Fraud of 2020 (which we have thoroughly and conclusively documented), Republicans will not be voting in '22 or '24. It is the single most important thing for Republicans to do. ** According to an MSNBC article and a short video "[https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/democrats-finally-have-reason-celebrate-one-trump-s-threats-n1281494 Democrats finally have reason to celebrate one of Trump's threats]" (October 13, 2021) * It’s so sad when you see that they are approving these windmills — worst form of energy, the most expensive. You talk about carbon emissions, well they are making them. More goes into the air than if you ran something for 30 years. * I’m not into golden showers. ** [https://news.yahoo.com/trump-touts-putin-relationship-rails-233840649.html "Trump Touts Putin Relationship, Rails About Wind Energy's 'Carbon Emissions' In Speech"], Yahoo News (October 16 2021) * After years of litigation, I was pleased to have had the opportunity to tell my side of this ridiculous story — Just one more example of baseless harassment of your favorite president ** "[https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-faces-pile-civil-lawsuits-depositions-begin-n1281612 Trump faces a pile of civil lawsuits as depositions begin]" (October 18, 2021) * Wonderful to see [[Colin Powell]], who made big mistakes on Iraq and famously, so-called weapons of mass destruction, be treated in death so beautifully by the Fake News Media. Hope that happens to me someday. He was a classic RINO, if even that, always being the first to attack other Republicans. He made plenty of mistakes, but anyway, may he rest in peace! ** {{cite news|author=Chris Cillizza |url=https://www.cnn.com/2021/10/19/politics/donald-trump-colin-powell-death/index.html |title=Donald Trump (yet again) proves there's no bottom |work=cnn.com|date=October 19, 2021 |accessdate=October 19, 2021}} *We live in a world where the Taliban has a huge presence on Twitter, yet your favorite American president has been silenced **"[https://www.cnbc.com/2021/10/20/trump-announces-social-media-platform-launch-plan-spac-deal.html Trump announces social media platform launch plan, SPAC deal]" (October 20, 2021) *[[Israel]] doesn’t even control [[Congress]] anymore. **29 October 2021 per https://thepostmillennial.com/exclusive-president-donald-j-trump-speaks-to-the-post-millennial ====November 2021==== *RINOs who supported infrastructure bill should be ashamed of themselves **on Sky News Australia [[Youtube]] channel '''[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qZG-D0e8T0A video]''' (November 7, 2021) ====December 2021==== *He was very early. Like earlier than most. I haven’t spoken to him since. Fuck him, **10 December 2021 interview with Barak Ravid about [[Benjamin Netanyahu]] per [https://www.timesofisrael.com/fck-him-in-interview-trump-rages-at-netanyahu-over-congratulations-to-biden/ Times of Israel] * I thought the [[Palestinians]] were impossible, and the [[Israelis]] would do anything to make peace and a deal. I found that not to be true. ** [[Donald Trump]], [https://www.timesofisrael.com/trump-i-thought-israelis-would-do-anything-for-peace-but-found-that-not-to-be-true/ Trump: I thought Israelis would do anything for peace, but found that not to be true], ''Times of Israel'' (11 December 2021) *Bibi did not want to make a deal. Even most recently, when we came up with the maps. Now I don’t know if he didn’t want to make it for political reasons, or for other reasons. I wish he would have said he didn’t want to make a deal, instead of…. Because a lot of people devoted a lot of work. But I don’t think Bibi would have ever made a deal. That’s my opinion. I think the general [Gantz] wanted to make a deal. **11 December 2021 quoted by [https://www.timesofisrael.com/trump-i-thought-israelis-would-do-anything-for-peace-but-found-that-not-to-be-true/ Times of Israel] *There’s people in this country that are Jewish that no longer love Israel.<br>I’ll tell you the Evangelical Christians love Israel more than the Jews in this country.<br>It used to be that Israel had absolute power over Congress and today I think it’s the exact opposite, and I think Obama and Biden did that.<br>And yet in the election, they still get a lot of votes from Jewish people…which tells you that the Jewish people, and I’ve said this for a long time.<br>The Jewish people in the United States either don’t like Israel or don’t care about Israel.<br>I mean, you look at The New York Times, The New York Times hates Israel, hates them, and they’re Jewish people that run The New York Times, I mean the Sulzberger family. **17 December 2021 per [https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2021/12/donald-trump-anti-semitism-jews-israel Vanity Fair] *I think the origins are so obvious. They came out of the Wuhan lab. And I think if anybody thinks anything differently, they’re just kidding themselves. So, you can ask — China has to pay. They have to do something. '''They have to pay reparations'''. And China doesn’t have the money to pay those reparations. I believe that worldwide — I’m not just talking United States — worldwide, '''$60 trillion of damage''', $60 trillion. China doesn’t have $60 trillion. But they have to do something to make up for what they’ve done. What they’ve done to the world is so horrible. It’s been horrible, all over the world. And it doesn’t stop. **[https://www.breitbart.com/clips/2021/12/19/trump-china-must-pay-for-covid-origins-they-have-to-pay-reparations/ 19 December 2021] * <i> About developing vaccines against Covid-19: </i> Look, we did something that was historic, we saved tens of millions of lives worldwide. We, together, all of us, not me. ** [https://edition.cnn.com/2021/12/20/politics/donald-trump-booster-shot-boos/index.html "Trump met with boos after revealing he received Covid-19 booster"], CNN, 21 December 2021 * I came up with a vaccine, with three vaccines. ** [https://thehill.com/policy/healthcare/public-global-health/587079-trump-pushes-back-on-candace-owens-people-arent-dying "Trump pushes back on Candace Owens: 'People aren't dying when they take the vaccine'"], The Hill, 23 December 2021 ===2022=== ====January 2022==== * If you take [[COVID-19 vaccine|the vaccine]], you're protected. Look, the results of the vaccine are very good, and if you do get it, it's a very minor form. People aren't dying when they take the vaccine. ** 6 January 2022, interviewed by [[Candace Owens]], discussing the [[COVID-19 vaccine]]; reported in Bruce Y. Lee, "[https://www.forbes.com/sites/brucelee/2021/12/24/trump-tells-candace-owens-that-covid-19-vaccines-work-one-of-the-greatest-achievements-of-mankind/ Trump Tells Candace Owens That Covid-19 Vaccines Work: 'One Of The Greatest Achievements Of Mankind']", [[Forbes]] (Jan 6, 2022) *I ran twice and we won twice.<br>This crowd is a massive symbol of what took place, because people are hungry for the truth. They want their country back. **15 January 2022 [https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2022/01/trump-arizona-rally-2024-election/621244/ via Elaine Godfrey of The Atlantic] *If I run and if I win, we will treat those people from January sixth fairly. We will treat them fairly.<br>And if it requires pardons, we will give them pardons. Because they are being treated so unfairly. **30 January 2022 [https://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2022/01/hope-go-jail-get-book-thrown-deserve-lindsey-graham-susan-collins-buck-trump-vow-persecute-jan-6ers/ reported by TGP] *Actually, what they are saying, is that Mike Pence did have the right to change the outcome, and they now want to take that right away. Unfortunately, he didn’t exercise that power. '''He could have overturned the election!''' **31 January 2022, at a rally in Conroe Texas, as quoted in “[https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2022/jan/31/donald-trump-mike-pence-overturn-election Quiet part loud: Trump says Pence ‘could have overturned the election’]”, by Martin Pengelly, for ''{{w|The Guardian}}''. ====February 2022==== *I was right and everyone knows it. If there is fraud or large scale irregularities, it would have been appropriate to send those votes back to the legislatures to figure it out. **4 February 2022 per 7 February 2022 report by Reuters [https://www.reuters.com/world/us/pence-says-trump-was-wrong-that-he-could-have-overturned-2020-election-result-2022-02-04/ Pence says Trump was wrong that he could have overturned 2020 election] by Alexandra Ulmer * I went in yesterday and there was a television screen, and I said, 'This is genius.' [[Vladimir Putin|Putin]] declares a big portion of the Ukraine, of [[Ukraine]], Putin declares it as independent. Oh, that's wonderful. So Putin is now saying, 'It's independent,' a large section of Ukraine. I said, 'How smart is that?' And he's going to go in and be a peacekeeper. That's the strongest peace force. We could use that on our southern border. That's the strongest peace force I've ever seen. ... Here's a guy who's very savvy. ... I know him very well. Very, very well. ** Said about the Russian invasion of Ukraine, in an interview at The Clay Travis & Buck Sexton Show, as quoted in [https://edition.cnn.com/2022/02/23/politics/donald-trump-vladimir-putin-joe-biden/index.html "Trump sides with Putin as Biden tries to stop a war"], CNN, 23 February 2022. * They say, 'Trump said Putin's smart.' I mean, he's taking over a country for two dollars' worth of [[Sanction|sanctions]]. I'd say that's pretty smart. He's taking over a country — really a vast, vast location, a great piece of land with a lot of people, and just walking right in. ** [https://edition.cnn.com/2022/02/24/politics/donald-trump-praises-putin/index.html "Why Donald Trump can't stop praising Vladimir Putin"], CNN, 24 February 2022 ====March 2022==== *They laid down the welcome mat and gave Russia the opening, now Putin may be getting everything he wanted, with Ukraine and the rest of the World suffering the consequences. It’s terrible, but this is what you get with Biden, the Democrats, and RINO warmongers! [https://www.donaldjtrump.com/news/news-cxhdzqwssb1663 03/01/22 ] * The vote counter is often more important than the candidate. ** [https://news.yahoo.com/trump-says-gop-needs-tougher-211714688.html "Trump says the GOP needs to get 'tougher' at the ballot box: 'The vote counter is often more important than the candidate'"], yahoo news, 6 March 2022 *Whatever happened to free speech in our Country? Incredibly, but not surprisingly, the Big Tech lunatics have taken down my interview with the very popular NELK Boys so that nobody can watch it or in any way listen to it....In Russia, the people are not allowed to know that they’re fighting a war with Ukraine, that’s where our media is going, and that’s where our Country is going because it quickly follows—just study history.We need freedom of speech again, we don’t have it and it’s getting worse every day! **[https://www.donaldjtrump.com/news/news-tayryvrzzk1694 Statement by Donald J. Trump, 45th President of the United States of America 03/11/22] *She owes me nearly $300,000, Now all I have to do is wait for all of the money she owes me. **[https://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2022/mar/21/donald-trump-crows-liberal-9th-circuit-court-seals/ Trump crows as liberal 9th Circuit seals victory over Stormy Daniels, Michael Avenatti] *I listen to him constantly using the n-word, that’s the n-word, and he’s constantly using it, the nuclear word. They didn’t attack any other countries under us. I’m the only one where that didn’t happen. And with Bush, they took Georgia, and they took Crimea with Biden and Obama. And now he said ‘to hell with it. Let’s take the whole thing'. **[https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-putin-nuclear-n-word-b2040702.html Trump says Putin keeps using the ‘n-word’ meaning ‘nuclear’ as he claims Russian leader is ‘different’ man to one he dealt with] *Single most dangerous time for our country in history... yet you have people like John Kerry worrying about the climate! The climate! Oh, I heard that the other day. Here we are, [Russian President Vladimir Putin is] threatening us [and] he’s worried about the ocean will rise one-hundredth of one percent over the next 300 fucking’ years. **[https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2022/03/28/two-stark-reminders-about-political-challenge-tackling-climate-change/ Two stark reminders about the political challenge of tackling climate change] *The Left has become so extreme that we now have a justice being nominated to the Supreme Court who testified under oath that she could not say what a woman is, And a party that's unwilling to admit that men and women are biologically different in defiance of all scientific and human history, is a party that should not be anywhere near the levers of power in the United States of America. **[https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/watch-single-most-dangerous-time-trump-blasts-climate-change-crt-and-kbj ‘Single most dangerous time’: Trump blasts climate change, CRT, and KBJ] ====April 2022==== *Happy Easter to all including the Radical Left Maniacs who are trying everything to destroy our country May they not succeed, but let them, nevertheless, be happy, healthy, wealthy and well! **[https://news.yahoo.com/biden-trump-release-very-different-202600019.html Yahoo!] *He went out of his way to deceptively edit an interview and got caught. That is a big story, isn’t it? **[https://www.donaldjtrump.com/news/news-hm9chvnk6z0 Donald Trump], [https://www.mediaite.com/tv/listen-trump-releases-audio-to-ending-of-doctored-interview-with-fool-piers-morgan/ mediaite] * I think I’m the most honest human being perhaps that god ever created. ** Claimed at an an event in Selma, North Carolina, on April 10, 2022, referred to in [https://www.thelist.com/829709/donald-trump-just-described-himself-in-a-very-unexpected-way/ "Donald Trump Just Described Himself In A Very Unexpected Way"], ''The List'' (April 12, 2022) * But when I didn’t win the election .. ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0DrQC-oNAeQ Marjorie Taylor Greene & Matt Gaetz NOT HAPPY with Jimmy & Trump FINALLY Admits Defeat] (Apr 11, 2022) (video) * Which would you rather be, a dumb person or a dictator? Perhaps a dictator would be better. I don't want to be a dumb person. ** [https://www.businessinsider.com/trump-rather-be-a-dictator-than-a-dumb-person-video-2022-4?r=US&IR=T Trump says he'd rather be 'a dictator' than 'a dumb person' after bragging about the cognitive test he took in 2018], Business Insider, 22 April 2022 April 2022 Dictor: Okay. And you said that, ‘If you see someone getting ready to throw a tomato, just knock the crap out of them would you.’ That was your statement? Trump: Oh, yeah. It was very dangerous. Dictor: What was very dangerous? Trump: We were threatened. Dictor: With what? Trump: They were going to throw fruit. We were threatened. We had a threat. Dictor: How did you become aware that there was a threat that people were going to throw fruit? Trump: We were told. I thought Secret Service was involved in that, actually. And you get hit with fruit, it’s – no – it’s very violent stuff. We were on alert for that.Trump attorney Jeffrey Goldman: A tomato is a fruit after all, I guess. … It has seeds. Trump: It’s worse than a tomato, it’s other things also. But tomato, when they start doing that stuff, it’s very dangerous. There was an alert out that day. Dictor: Who were you speaking to when you said … Trump: The audience. Dictor: So you were speaking to the audience when you said if they saw someone getting ready to throw a tomato, just knock the crap out of them, would you? Trump: That was to the audience. It was said sort of in jest. Buy maybe, you know, a little truth to it. It’s very dangerous stuff. You can get killed with those things. … I wanted to have people be ready because we were put on alert that they were going to do fruit. And some fruit is a lot worse than – tomatoes are bad by the way. But it’s very dangerous … they were going to hit – they were going to hit very hard. “So I got a little notice, in case you’re seeing these security guys — we have wonderful security guys,” Trump said at the Iowa rally. “They said, ‘Mr. Trump, there may be somebody with tomatoes in the audience.’ So if you see somebody getting ready to throw a tomato, knock the crap out of them, would you? Seriously. Okay?” ====May 2022==== *With rampant and record setting crime, a 42.8% increase over last year was just announced, and every other unimaginable problem, no wonder everyone is leaving the New York State, including businesses left and right. **[https://www.donaldjtrump.com/news/news-sarvcupgsh1991 Save America] * I am not currently in possession of any Trump Organization-issued phones, computers or similar devices. :I believe the last phone or device I was issued by the Trump Organization was a cellphone in 2015. I no longer have the cellphone in my possession and I am not aware of its current location. :Since January 1, 2010, I previously owned two flip phones and a [[w:Samsung|Samsung]] mobile phone. I do not have the two flips [sic] phones in my possession and I do not know their current whereabouts.” :[Samsung] it was taken from me at some point while I was president. I do not have the Samsung in my possession and I do not know its current whereabouts. :* '''[https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2022/may/11/trump-fine-contempt-new-york-letitia-james Trump must pay $110,000 fine to purge contempt, judge says]''' (Wed 11 May 2022 18.53 BST) *[[w:Kathy Barnette | Kathy Barnette]] will never be able to win the general election against the radical left democrats. She has many things in her past which have not been properly explained or vetted, but if she is able to do so, she will have a wonderful future in the Republican Party — and I will be behind her all the way ** [[Trump]] according to [https://www.smerconish.com/exclusive-content/pennsylvania-my-primary-concern Pennsylvania: My Primary Concern] (May 14) =====NRA convention speech (May 27, 2022)===== * The existence of evil in our world is not a reason to disarm law-abiding citizens. The existence of evil is one of the very best reasons to arm law-abiding citizens. * Every time a disturbed or demented person commits a hideous crime there is always a grotesque effort by some in our society to advance their own extreme political agenda. ** Speech at the NRA convention, Houston (May 27, 2022), as cited in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2022/may/28/school-shooting-strengthens-case-for-guns-donald-trump-tells-nra "School shooting strengthens case for guns, Donald Trump tells NRA"] ''The Guardian'' (May 28, 2022) * We need a top-to-bottom security overhaul of schools [...] Every building should have a single entry point. No one should ever be able to get near a classroom until they have been checked, scanned and screened ... Above all, from this day forward, every school in America should have an armed police officer or an armed resources officer on duty at all times. [...] Clearly, we need to make it far easier to confine the violent and mentally deranged into mental institutions. ** Speech at the NRA convention, Houston (May 27, 2022), as cited in [https://www.smh.com.au/world/north-america/after-horror-failure-of-uvalde-massacre-business-as-usual-at-nra-meeting-in-houston-20220528-p5ap7y.html "After horror, failure of Uvalde massacre, business as usual at NRA meeting in Houston"] ''The Sydney Morning Herald'' (May 28, 2022) ==== July 2022 ==== * Warmongering and despicable human being [[Liz Cheney]], who is hated by the great people of Wyoming (down 35!), keeps saying, over and over again, that HER Fake Unselect Committee may recommend CRIMINAL CHARGES against a President of the United States who got more votes than any sitting President in history, ** Said about Republican Congress Member Liz Cheney after she mentioned the possibility of raising criminal charges against Trump for his role in connection with the January 6 attack on the Congress of the United States, quoted in [https://nypost.com/2022/07/04/trump-rips-liz-cheney-after-she-suggests-jan-6-charges/ "Trump rips ‘despicable’ Liz Cheney after she suggests Jan. 6 charges for ex-president"], New York Post, 4 July 2022 * Leon’s, I’ll tell you what, Elon, Elon, is not going to buy Twitter. … He’s got himself a mess. He said the other day, ‘Oh, I’ve never voted for a Republican.’ I said, ‘I didn’t know that. He told me he voted for me.’ So, he’s another bullshit artist. But he’s not going to be buying it. ** Claimed about Elon Musk, who later [[w:Acquisition of Twitter by Elon Musk | bought Twitter]]. Quoted in [https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-news/trump-alaska-rally-elon-musk-1380402/ "Trump Bashes Elon Musk as ‘Bullshit Artist’ at Alaska Rally"], ''Rolling Stone'' (July 9, 2022) * I feel very confident that, if I decide to run, I’ll win. * In my own mind, I’ve already made that decision, so nothing factors in anymore. In my own mind, I’ve already made that decision. * I made America great again, and I may have to do it again. ** [https://nymag.com/intelligencer/article/donald-trump-2024-decision.html "Donald Trump on 2024: ‘I’ve Already Made That Decision’ The only question left in the former president’s mind is when he’ll announce"], Intelligencer, 14 July 2022 ==== September 2022 ==== * J.D. is kissing my ass he wants my support so bad. ** Said about [[w:J. D. Vance|James David Vance]], Republican Senate candidate for Ohio, quoted in [https://edition.cnn.com/2022/09/19/politics/donald-trump-jd-vance-ohio-rally/index.html "Donald Trump humiliated J.D. Vance for fun"], CNN, 20 September 2022 * If you're the president of the United States, you can declassify just by saying it's declassified, even by thinking about it, because you're sending it to Mar-a-Lago or to wherever you're sending it. And there doesn't have to be a process. There can be a process, but it doesn't have to be. ** [https://www.baynews9.com/fl/tampa/politics/2022/09/22/trump--presidents-can-declassify-files-by--thinking-about-it- "Trump: Presidents can declassify files by 'thinking about it'"], Bay News 9, 22 September 2022 ==== October 2022 ==== * They actually taunted him, if you really look at it. Our country, and our so-called leadership, taunted Putin. I said, you know, they're almost forcing him to go in with what they're saying. The rhetoric was so dumb. ** [https://www.newsweek.com/trump-blames-us-almost-forcing-putin-invade-ukraine-1750145/ Trump Blames U.S. for 'Almost Forcing' Putin to Invade Ukraine], Newsweek, 8 October 2022 ==== November 2022 ==== * We're winning big, big, big in the [[Republican Party]] for the nomination like nobody's ever seen before :There it is, Trump at 71 [percent]. [[Ron DeSanctimonious]] at 10 percent. [[Mike Pence]] at 7 — oh, Mike Pence doing better than I thought​. :* [https://nypost.com/2022/11/06/trump-mocks-desantis-as-ron-desanctimonious/ Pompeo jumps to defend DeSantis after Trump's 'Ron DeSanctimonious' comments] (By Mark Moore November 6, 2022 1:41pm Updated) *The Absentee Ballot situation in Detroit is REALLY BAD.<br>People are showing up to Vote only to be told 'sorry, you have already voted.'<br>This is happening in large numbers, elsewhere as well.<br>Protest, Protest, Protest! **8 November 2022 [https://truthsocial.com/embed/109309832870332871 post on TruthSocia] later [https://twitter.com/JocelynBenson/status/1590079320302968832 quoted via screenshot in tweet] by [[Jocelyn Benson]] which was [https://www.yahoo.com/now/trump-amplifies-nonsense-claims-voter-212425641.html quoted by Yahoo News] * Well, I think if they win, I should get all the credit. And if they lose, I should not be blamed at all, OK, but it’ll probably be just the opposite. :* [https://www.nytimes.com/2022/11/09/us/politics/trump-endorsements-midterms-gop.html Trump Hoped for a Celebration but Did Not Have Much to Cheer] (By By Michael C. Bender and Maggie Haberman November 9, 2022, 2:33 a.m. ET) * [[Ron DeSantis|Ron DeSanctimonious]] is playing games! The Fake News asks him if he's going to run if President Trump runs, and he says, 'I'm only focused on the Governor's race, I'm not looking into the future.' Well, in terms of loyalty and class, that's really not the right answer. ** Adam Carlson, Jay O'Brien, and Katherine Faulders, [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/trump-takes-aim-ron-desantis-suggesting-2024-rival/story?id=93084111 Trump takes aim at Ron DeSantis, suggesting he's a 2024 rival], ''ABC News'' (November 10, 2022). *He shows up with 3 people, two of which I didn’t know, the other a political person who I haven’t seen in years,” the former president wrote on Truth Social. “Fake News went CRAZY!” **29 November 2022 on Truth Social (per [https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-news/donald-trump-kanye-west-nick-fuentes-mar-a-lago-dinner-1234638552/ this article] by Charisma Madarang of Rolling Stone) after [[Kanye West]] showed up for dinner with Boeing employee Jamal and [[Nick Fuentes]] (the two unknowns) and [[Karen Giorno]] (an aide from Trump's 2016 campaign) in a meeting arranged by [[Milo Yiannopoulos]] (who did not attend) via Karen ====December 2022==== * People have been treated unconstitutionally in my opinion and very, very unfairly, and we’re going to get to the bottom of it. ** Comments made concerning rioters involved in the [[2021 United States Capitol attack]] during a fund raising speech cited in [https://edition.cnn.com/2022/12/02/politics/donald-trump-january-6-rioters-support/index.html "Trump expresses support for Capitol rioters as he continues to embrace extremist groups"] ''CNN Politics'' (December 2, 2022) * Do you throw the Presidential Election Results of 2020 OUT and declare the RIGHTFUL WINNER, or do you have a NEW ELECTION? A Massive Fraud of this type and magnitude allows for the termination of all rules, regulations, and articles, even those found in the Constitution. ** cited in [https://edition.cnn.com/2022/12/03/politics/trump-constitution-truth-social/index.html "Trump calls for the termination of the Constitution in Truth Social post"] ''CNN Politics'' (December 4, 2022) * Merry Christmas to EVERYONE, including the Radical Left Marxists that are trying to destroy our Country, the Federal Bureau of Investigation that is illegally coercing & paying Social and LameStream Media to push for a mentally disabled Democrat over the Brilliant, Clairvoyant, and USA LOVING Donald J. Trump, and, of course, the Department of Injustice, which appointed a Special "Prosecutor", who, together with his wife and family, HATES "Trump" more than any other person on Earth. * I had almost nothing to do with January 6th. ** [https://news.yahoo.com/donald-trumps-merry-christmas-message-132006918.html "Donald Trump's 'Merry Christmas' Message Is A Grievance-Filled Lump Of Coal"], Yahoo News, 25 December 2022 ===2023=== ====January 2023==== *So an out-of-control wild man kills beautiful Ashli Babbitt, a true Patriot, who was the only one killed on January 6th.<br>Her mother goes to protest her death and memory, and they arrest her mother.<br>Something has to be done about these [[Communism|Communists]] and [[Marxism|Marxists]] that are taking over and destroying our Country.<br>Pray for Ashli, and her wonderful, brave mother! **8 January 2023 [https://gab.com/realdonaldtrump/posts/109655572118634418 gab] *The [[left-wing]] [[gender]] [[insanity]] being pushed on our children is an act of child abuse—very simple. **31 January 2023 [https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-news/trump-attacks-transgender-rights-video-1234671967/ per Rolling Stone] ====February 2023==== * Rihanna gave, without question, the single worst Halftime Show in Super Bowl history—This after insulting far more than half of our Nation, which is already in serious DECLINE, with her foul and insulting language. Also, so much for her ‘Stylist!’ ** [https://www.vanityfair.com/style/2023/02/donald-trump-rihanna-super-bowl-halftime-performance-epic-fail-truth-social "Donald Trump Calls Rihanna's Super Bowl Halftime Performance an 'Epic Fail'"], Vanity Fair, 13 February 2023 ====March 2023==== =====CPAC keynote speech (March 4, 2023)===== <small>CPAC keynote address in National Harbor, Maryland, on March 4, 2023, reported in {{cite web|url=https://www.newsweek.com/five-key-moments-donald-trump-cpac-speech-1785586 |title=Five Key Moments from Donald Trump's Crucial CPAC Speech|first1=Khaleda|last1=Rahman|publisher=Newsweek|date=March 5, 2023}}</small> * I'm the only candidate who can make this promise: I will prevent, and very easily, World War III. * We are never going back to a party that wants to give unlimited money to fight foreign endless wars but demands we cut veteran benefits and retirement benefits at home. * We’re not going back to people that want to destroy our great Social Security system – even some in our own party; I wonder who that might be – who want to raise the minimum age of Social Security to 70, 75 or even 80 in some cases, and who are out to cut Medicare to a level that will be unrecognizable * In 2016, I declared: I am your voice. Today, I add: I am your warrior. I am your justice. And for those who have been wronged and betrayed: I am your retribution. * I will totally obliterate the deep state. I will fire the unelected bureaucrats and shadow forces who have weaponized our justice system like it has never been weaponized before. And I will put the people back in charge of this country again. *This is the final battle – they know it, I know it, you know it, everybody knows it. Either they win, or we win. And I promise you this: If you put me back in the White House, their reign will be over, and America will be a free nation once again. *'''Before I even arrive''' at the Oval Office, I will have the disastrous war between Russia and Ukraine settled.<br>I will get the problem solved.<br>And I will get it solved in rapid order and ''''it will take me no longer than one day''', I know exactly what to say to each of them, I got along very well with Putin. **the [https://www.cnn.com/2023/03/04/politics/trump-cpac-speech/index.html March 4th] speech was referenced when this was quoted [https://www.cnn.com/2023/03/07/politics/trump-desantis-ukraine-2024-campaign/index.html March 7th] by Stephen Collinson in a CNN analysis ***Trump later reuses the phrase "before I even arrive at the Oval Office" in [[#June 2024]] in Philadelphia ====April 2023==== *Republicans in Congress should defund the DOJ and FBI until they come to their senses. The Democrats have totally weaponized law enforcement in our country and are viciously using this abuse of power to interfere with our already under siege elections! **[https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/congress/donald-trump-calls-defunding-federal-police-arrest-new-york-rcna78301 Donald Trump calls for defunding federal police after his arrest in New York] ''Truth Social'' (April 5, 2023) =====NRA convention speech (April 14, 2023)===== * Our country has been chock full of guns for centuries, and there was no talk of [[w:School shooting|massacres of schoolchildren]] until around the year 2000. That's what it really started. They started talking about it. '''This is not a gun problem.''' This is a mental health problem. This is a social problem. This is a cultural problem. This is a spiritual problem. * I will ask Congress to repeal totally ineffective legislation that makes it harder to protect our schools and easier for criminals to face absolutely no opposition when they go in. I will also create a new tax credit to reimburse any teacher for the full costs of a concealed carry firearm and training from highly qualified experts. Who's better? Who's better? '''If even 5% of teachers, people that are skilled with arms, we want that. 5% were voluntarily armed and trained to stop active shooters. We would achieve effective deterrence and the problem would cease to exist.''' ** From a [[National Rifle Association|NRA]] convention speech in Indianapolis (April 14, 2023), cited in [https://newsroom.ap.org/editorial-photos-videos/detail?itemid=97388003ab4443938dba616244ea0117 "Trump calls for arming teachers at NRA convention"] ''AP Newsroom'' (April 15, 2023) * [T]he only way to stop these wicked actions is to '''ensure that any sicko who would shoot up a school knows that within seconds, not minutes, they will face certain death.''' ** Speech at the NRA convention, Indianapolis (April 14, 2023), cited in [https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2023/04/14/trump-pence-nra-2024/ "Trump, in legal peril, draws cheers at NRA convention; Pence draws boos"] ''The Washington Post'' (April 14, 2023) ====May 2023==== *They’re dying, Russians and Ukrainians. '''I want them to stop dying.''' And I’ll have that done — '''I’ll have that done in 24 hours''' **May 2023 at a CNN Town Hall, quoted in [https://apnews.com/article/trump-russia-ukraine-war-un-election-a78ecb843af452b8dda1d52d137ca893 2 July 2024 article by Edith M. Lederer for AP News] ==== June 2023 ==== [[File:"TOP SECRET SCI" (Top Secret Sensitive Compartmented Information) cover sheets - from, Classified intelligence material found during search of Mar-a-Lago (cropped).jpg|thumb|I AM AN [[Innocence|INNOCENT]] MAN!]] * I have been [[Federal prosecution of Donald Trump|summoned to appear at the Federal Courthouse]] in [[Miami]] on Tuesday, at 3 PM. I never thought it [[possible]] that such a thing could happen to a former [[President of the United States]], who received far more [[votes]] than any sitting President in the History of our Country, and is currently leading, by far, all Candidates, both [[Democrat]] and [[Republican]], in Polls of the [[2024 United States presidential election|2024 Presidential Election]]. I AM AN [[Innocence|INNOCENT]] MAN! ** Web posting, reported in [https://www.local10.com/news/local/2023/06/08/trump-told-to-appear-in-miami-after-indictment-by-federal-grand-jury-abc-reporting/ "Trump told to appear in Miami after indictment by federal grand jury, ABC reporting" in ''WPLG Local 10'' (8 June 2023)] *'''This is the final battle'''. With you at my side, we will demolish the deep state. expel the warmongers from our government. We will drive out the globalists. We will cast out the Communists, Marxists, and Fascists, and we will throw off the sick political class that hates our country. We will rout the fake news media, and we will defeat crooked Joe Biden. We will liberate America from these villains once and for all. **[https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2023/06/trump-lists-all-the-villains-he-plans-to-destroy-in-a-second-term Trump told the audience at the Oakland County Republican Party’s Lincoln Day Dinner] *For three years, Biden and his radical left allies have waged war on American auto workers in his ridiculous crusade to force everyone into electric cars, ridiculous regulations kill more than half of US auto jobs and decimate the suppliers that they decimated already, decimate the suppliers and it’s going to decimate your jobs. **[https://www.telegraph.co.uk/world-news/2023/06/26/donald-trump-accuses-joe-biden-environmental-extremism/ Telegraph] , [https://www.candgnews.com/news/trump-headlines-oakland-county-republican-party-lincoln-day-dinner-2796 Trump headlines Oakland County Republican Party Lincoln Day Dinner] ====July 2023==== *“Is it Crooked Joe and his wonderful son, Hunter? Release the findings, release the tapes. We can’t have a crackhead in charge of our Nuclear Arsenal!! **[https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-hunter-biden-cocaine-justice-department-b2373556.html] *… He’s totally compromised...I don’t like doing the same word for two people. We’re using the word crooked for Joe Biden because Joe Biden is the most crooked president in the history. **[https://www.republicworld.com/world-news/us-news/trump-says-he-was-very-kind-to-biden-then-tells-us-president-gloves-are-off-articleshow.html republicworld] *We have potential for a war outside of Ukraine - Russia. We should have kept Bagram because Bagram is one of the largest military bases in the world cost us billions of dollars to build forget about Afghanistan, it's one hour away from where China is building their nuclear weapons. **[https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Ct2Vl-NO6Og] [https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OL8NDU16Ex8] [https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TZvpAqhMwdg] *If China takes Taiwan they will turn the world off potentially. **[https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Ct2Vl-NO6Og] [https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OL8NDU16Ex8] [https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TZvpAqhMwdg] *Millions of illegal aliens have stormed across our borders. It is an invasion, like a military invasion. Our rights and liberties are being torn to shreds,Your country is being turned into a third-world hellhole, run by censors, perverts, criminals, and thugs.” **[https://nationalpost.com/news/world/trump-u-s-is-being-turned-into-a-third-world-hellhole-run-by-perverts-and-thugs criminals and perverts] *America is tired of being ruled by radical bureaucrats in Washington the Bidens, the Clintons, the Obamas, the Radical Left Democrats, the Marxists – guys like Paul Ryan and Karl Rove. Their reign will be over, and it will be over quickly, and America will be a free nation once again. **speech [https://www.rsbnetwork.com/news/trump-says-hes-the-only-candidate-that-cant-be-owned-or-controlled/] * Think of this. We give them everything, including military protection and trade, and now we have to pay them to go there. As President I will not allow this, will end very quickly. **“U.S. CITIZENS WILL HAVE TO PAY FOR A VISA TO TRAVEL TO EUROPE STARTING IN 2024.” [https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110776705512999901] *Gloves are off.Under crooked Joe Biden. I never called him that. I took the name away from Hillary Clinton. We call her beautiful Hillary now.Now it's crooked Joe, because it's a much more appropriate name right now for this man who's just destroying our country. **rally [https://www.newsmax.com/newsmax-tv/donald-trump-july-4-south-carolina/2023/07/01/id/1125653/] *As part of my plan to obtain total independence from China, we will phase in tariffs and import restrictions to bring back production of all essential medicines to the United States of America where they belong. I signed an executive order to begin this process in 2020 but Biden has shamefully failed to follow through. He wants it ended. He wants to take care of China. *[https://www.rsbnetwork.com/news/trump-promises-to-return-production-of-cancer-drugs-essential-medicines-to-u-s/] *They don’t go after the people who cheated in the election, they only go after the people who report on, or question the cheating if you don't have strong borders you don't have a country, right now we don't have a country. **[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110781850689911246] *Trumpism or America first is very simple low taxes and regulations , the most powerful military , tariffs on countries taking advantage, protection of section amendment , great healthcare , low energy prices, parental power on school boards, life , strong borders. **[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110781828901024566] *I expect nothing from the meeting with my lawyers and the lunatics in the DOJ regarding January 6th. They just want to interfere with the Presidential Election on 2024. It is their new form of cheating, but we will win !!! How can deranged Jack Smith bring a case on January 6th., as ridiculous as it is anyway, when I have already won such a case, and been fully acquitted, in the U.S. Senate? In other words, I was Impeached on this, and won!!! **[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110793264554684917] [https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110793284091097891] ====August 2023==== *These monsters, all controlled and coordinated by the DOJ and Radical Left Lunatics, are Criminalizing Political Speech, a total SHUTDOWN OF DEMOCRACY! **Truth Social Post 6:28 PM on August 15, 2023.[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110895990420845351] *CROOKED JOE BIDEN IS TOTALLY CONTROLLED BY CHINA, UKRAINE, & VARIOUS OTHER COUNTRIES. THEY KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM - ALL OF HIS MISDEEDS. HE IS A COMPROMISED PRESIDENT WHO IS LEADING OUR COUNTRY TO HELL. HE IS A MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE! **Truth Social Post 6:20 PM on August 15, 2023.[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110895877441671196] *I believe we have a compromised president. He was bribed, and now he’s being blackmailed. He’s a Manchurian Candidate. That’s why Crooked Joe is letting other countries walk all over the United States. **Truth Social Post on August 15, 2023.[https://links.truthsocial.com/link/110895072887935769] *IMPOSSIBLE to get a fair trial in Washington, D.C., which is over 95% anti-Trump, & for which I have called for a Federal TAKEOVER in order to bring our Capital back to Greatness. It is now a high crime embarrassment to our Nation and, indeed, the World **https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110823476578708544 *I AM NOW GOING TO WASHINGTON, D.C., TO BE ARRESTED FOR HAVING CHALLENGED A CORRUPT, RIGGED, & STOLEN ELECTION. IT IS A GREAT HONOR, BECAUSE I AM BEING ARRESTED FOR YOU. Biden and his family steal Millions and Millions of Dollars, including BRIBES from foreign countries, and I’m headed to D.C. to be ARRESTED for protesting a CROOKED ELECTION. UNFAIR VENUE, UNFAIR JUDGE. We are a Nation in Decline. **https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110826519469646840 https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110826840688757163 *CONSIDERING THE FACT THAT I HAD TO FLY TO A FILTHY, DIRTY, FALLING APART, & VERY UNSAFE WASHINGTON, D.C., TODAY, & THAT I WAS THEN ARRESTED BY MY POLITICAL OPPONENT, WHO IS LOSING BADLY TO ME IN THE POLLS, CROOKED JOE BIDEN, IT WAS A VERY GOOD DAY! **https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110828062805817649 *A very sad day for America, and it was also very sad driving through Washington, D.C., and seeing the filth and decay and all of the broken buildings and walls and the graffiti. This is not the place that I left. It’s a very sad thing to see it. **https://www.rsbnetwork.com/news/trump-tells-reporters-if-you-cant-beat-him-you-persecute-him-or-you-prosecute-him/ *They’re trying to make it illegal to question the results of a bad election…But only a party that cheats in elections would try to make it illegal, on Election Day 2024, we’re going to evict Crooked Joe Biden from the White House…We’re going to expel the criminals and thugs from the halls of power in Washington, D.C. **[https://www.rsbnetwork.com/news/trump-draws-biggest-crowd-ever-to-alabama-gop-dinner/ Alabama] *We are NOT a free nation, We don’t have a free press. We have a corrupt press. *[https://www.rsbnetwork.com/news/trump-the-tables-must-turn-and-we-will-quickly-destroy-the-deep-state/ Alabama] *OUR HIGHLY PARTISAN, AND VERY CORRUPT, DEPARTMENT OF INJUSTICE, COULD HAVE BROUGHT THIS BIDIN “OPPONENT” CASE YEARS AGO, BUT CHOSE TO WAIT AND BRING IT RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF MY ELECTION CAMPAIGN. NO WAY!!! I HOPE YOU ARE WATCHING AMERICA. OUR COUNTRY IS BEING DESTROYED. **https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110842856814664717 *This will be the single biggest and most important election in the history of our country - maybe in the history of the WORLD. **https://truthsocial.com/@RSBN/posts/110840001623943794 *The “shocking and totally unexpected” loss by the U.S. Women’s Soccer Team to Sweden is fully emblematic of what is happening to the our once great Nation under Crooked Joe Biden. Many of our players were openly hostile to America - No other country behaved in such a manner, or even close. WOKE EQUALS FAILURE. Nice shot Megan, the USA is going to Hell!! *https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110845290114601452 *WHAT THE DEPARTMENT OF INJUSTICE IS DOING TO ME IS THE SAME THING DONE BY THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES ALL OVER THE WORLD, BUT IT WILL NOT WORK. **https://www.rsbnetwork.com/news/trump-explains-why-he-should-not-have-a-protective-order-placed-on-him-by-deranged-jack-smith/ *Let’s see! My political Opponent, Crooked Joe Biden, tells Merrick Garland and the DOJ to indict and arrest me on bogus charges and accusations, trying desperately to steal the Election. But that wasn’t enough! He now wants Thug Prosecutor, Deranged Jack Smith, to file for a Court Order taking away my first amendment rights, SPEECH. So, based on yet another Radical Left Hoax, I’ll be the only “Politician” in American history not allowed to SPEAK. THE NEVER ENDING WITCH HUNT CONTINUES. **https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110852063479466833 *They just found a letter from Crooked Joe Biden directly to Keven Archer. Oh well, so much for “Joe” not knowing anything about all of the money he extorted. At some point the LameStream Media will have to cover this story, perhaps the biggest scandal in U.S. history. When they do, our Country will start to heal! **https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110850107581995665 *HOW CAN MY CORRUPT POLITICAL OPPONENT PUT ME ON TRIAL(S) DURING A CAMPAIGN THAT I AM WINNING (BY A LOT!), BUT FORCING ME TO SPEND TIME AND MONEY AWAY FROM THE “CAMPAIGN TRAIL” IN ORDER TO FIGHT BOGUS ACCUSATIONS & CHARGES? IS THIS GOING TO BE THE FUTURE OF ELECTIONS IN AMERICA? CAN A PRESIDENT ORDER HIS DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE TO INDICT AN OPPONENT JUST PRIOR TO AN ELECTION? **https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110849582956879248 *Just found out that Crooked Joe Biden’s DOJ secretly attacked my Twitter account, making it a point not to let me know about this major “hit” on my civil rights. My Political Opponent is going CRAZY trying to infringe on my Campaign for President. Nothing like this has ever happened before. Does the First Amendment still exist? Did Deranged Jack Smith tell the Unselects to DESTROY & DELETE all evidence? **https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110860965885418709 *It’s not like the State or Country is coming down on me. It’s a dishonest politician and his gang of Thugs breaking the law in order to get re-elected. **https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110859441854770499 *So now that I have full Subpoena Power because of the Freedom of Speech Sham Indictment by Crooked Joe Biden, Deranged Jack Smith, and the DOJ, it has just been reported that the Unselect January 6th Committee of Political Hacks and Thugs has illegally destroyed their Records and Documents. This is unthinkable, and the Fake Political Indictment against me must be immediately withdrawn. The system is Rigged & Corrupt, very much like the Presidential Election of 2020. We are a Nation in Decline. **https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110857162338915853 *Thousands of veterans were put on secret medial wait lists and many of them were left to die, All of that changed when WE arrived at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. **https://www.rsbnetwork.com/news/trump-lays-out-exemplary-agenda-that-will-restore-hope-and-care-to-americas-veterans/ *Whenever more Biden corruption is exposed his henchmen charge me with a crime. **https://truthsocial.com/@RSBN/posts/110855681234356104 *I think that Crooked Joe Biden is not only dumb and incompetent, I believe he has gone MAD, a stark raving Lunatic, with his HORRIBLE AND COUNTRY THREATENING ENVIRONMENTAL, OPEN BORDERS, & DOJ/FBI WEAPONIZATION POLICIES. HE IS A MENTAL CATASTROPHE THAT IS LEADING OUR COUNTRY TO HELL!What Crooked Joe Biden, who can’t string two sentences together, has done to our once great Country through his Open Borders CATASTROPHE, may go down as the greatest and most damaging mistake ever made in USA HISTORY. It is not even believable that such incompetence and stupidity could have been allowed to happen. OUR COUNTRY IS BEING DESTROYED BY A MAN WITH THE MIND, IDEAS, AND I.Q. OF A FIRST GRADER. THIS INVASION OF OUR COUNTRY MUST STOP IMMEDIATELY. IT CANNOT BE ALLOWED TO CONTINUE! **https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110865224814637476 https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110865185229848140 *The Fake Indictments against me didn’t come down from heaven, they came from the most corrupt President in the history of the United States, Crooked Joe Biden, in order to Rig & Steal another Election. **[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110867274500411944] *Why is “Phoney” (Like in PERFECT “PHONE” CALL, get it?) Fani Willis, the severely underperforming D.A. of Fulton County who is being accused of having an “affair” with a Gang Member of a group that she is prosecuting, leaking my name in regard to a Grand Jury pertaining to Election Fraud & Irregularities that I say took place in Georgia. I made a PERFECT PHONE CALL OF PROTEST. What does Phoney Fani have to do with me? She should instead focus on the record number of murders in Atlanta! **https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/110882230702522121 *The only Election Interference that took place in Fulton County, Georgia, was done by those that Rigged and Stole the Election, not by me, who simply complained that the Election was Rigged and Stolen. We have Massive and Conclusive Proof, if the Grand Jury would like to see it. Unfortunately, the publicity seeking D.A. isn’t interested in Justice, or this evidence. Also, as in Manhattan, the corrupt DOJ is pushing hard trying to keep Biden in Office. The whole system is dishonest and broken! **https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/110882321735123573 *To say no comment is oftentimes fine, but to be smiling when you say it, especially again such a tragedy as this, is absolutely horrible and unacceptable, Our government was not prepared. And very importantly, the aftermath is going very poorly with the governor of the island wanting to do nothing but blame it on global warming, and other things that just happen to pop into his head. **https://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/4152554-trump-bidens-response-to-maui-fires-disgraceful/ *“Hey, I’m running against a guy, I’m going to Indict him 3 or 4 times to keep him busy.” Does anyone think that Crooked Joe Biden would have said something like this??? **https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110914172490735501 *David Rivkin, a highly respected Constitutional law scholar, just clearly stated that I have “Constitutionally-based immunity” and “absolute immunity! **https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110918895000463495 *Why should Crooked Joe Biden be able to force me into the time and expense of trials, especially before the Election, on bogus claims pushed by his chief political supporter, The Department of Injustice? What a horrible precedent this sets for future Presidential campaigns. Crooked Joe Biden’s only campaign strategy is Indicting me, going on extended vacations, and Sleep, Sleep, Sleep!!! **https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110918860464876718 https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110918173717605996 *I easily won the Great State of Georgia in 2016, did a fantastic job, as President, for Georgia and the entire USA, received 10 Million more votes than I got, nationwide, in 2016, got by far the most votes in history for a sitting President, but shockingly, “LOST” Georgia. All this despite winning nearby Alabama and South Carolina in Record Setting Landslides. Why did Georgia officials agree to, and sign, the one sided Consent Decree? Does anybody really believe I lost Georgia? I DON’T! **https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110916681777676824 ====September 2023==== *MINORITY VOTERS ARE ABANDONING CROOKED JOE BIDEN & THE DEMOCRAT PARTY FOR “TRUMP.” THANK YOU, A VERY WISE DECISION! **https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/1110151303435539041 *It is all a shadow of its former self. Ukraine, Inflation, Bad Economy, Woke Military, No World Standing, No Respect, and today, 6 Billion Dollars for hostages. Where is the call from Republicans for the 25th Amendment. **Truth social *Can you believe that Crooked Joe Biden is giving $6 Billion to the terrorist regime in Iran? That money be used for terrorism all over the Middle East, and, indeed, the World. This incompetent FOOL is absolutely destroying America He had the audacity to announce this terrible deal today, September 11th. To pay for hostages will lead to kidnapping, ransom, and blackmail against Americans across the globe So, lets get this straight! We did a hostage TRADE with Iran. We gave them 5 very tough, smart people that they desperately wanted. We likewise got back 5 people BUT, we also gave them 6 BILLION DOLLARS! How much of a kickback does Crooked Joe Biden get Does anyone realize how much money 6 Billion Dollars is? When I was President, I got back 58 hostages for ZERO money. Remember Pastor Brunson? It sets a TERRIBLE precedent. Republicans, call out the 25th Amendment, NOW! Biden is INCOMPETENT **https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/4199317-trump-rips-biden-for-release-of-6b-in-iranian-funds/ *Early in the administration Education department will be closing . we spend more money on education than any other country yet we are bottom of every list. **[https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=ojRde4zCYd0 Truth social] *Biden’s job killing EV mandate has dictated that nearly seven percent of all cars sold in the US must be fully electric in less than 10 years. Crooked Joe Biden is back like a wretched old vulture. **[https://www.rsbnetwork.com/news/trump-crooked-joe-biden-is-back-like-a-wretched-old-vulture-trying-to-finish-off-his-prey/] *[[Mark Milley]], who led perhaps the most embarrassing moment in American history with his grossly incompetent implementation of the withdrawal from Afghanistan, costing many lives, leaving behind hundreds of American citizens, and handing over BILLIONS of dollars of the finest military equipment ever made, will be leaving the military next week. This will be a time for all citizens of the USA to celebrate! This guy turned out to be a Woke train wreck who, if the Fake News reporting is correct, was actually dealing with China to give them a heads up on the thinking of the President of the United States. This is an act so egregious that, in times gone by, the punishment would have been DEATH! A war between China and the United States could have been the result of this treasonous act. To be continued!!! **[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/111111513207332826 Truth social] * Nobody has any idea where these people are coming from. And we know they come from prisons. We know they come from mental institutions, insane asylums. We know they're terrorists. Nobody has seen anything like we're witnessing right now. It is a very sad thing for our country. It's poisoning the blood of our country. It's so bad. ** ''The National Pulse'' interview, quoted in {{cite web |date=2023-10-17 |title=Trump - "Migrants Poisoning the Blood of Our Country" |work=Meidas Touch |url=https://www.meidastouch.com/:section/trump-migrants-poisoning-the-blood-of-our-country }} ====October 2023==== *We will immediately stop all of the pillaging and theft. Very simply: If you rob a store, you can fully expect to be shot as you are leaving that store... Shot! The word that they shoot you will get out within minutes and our nation, in one day, will be an entirely different place. There must be retribution for theft and destruction and the ruination of our country **2 October 2023 in [https://nypost.com/2023/10/02/trump-calls-for-shoplifters-to-be-shot-to-save-the-nation/ NY Post] *I had a wonderful life before all this stuff. I '''didn't know what a grand jury was''', I didn't know what a subpoena, '''what is a subpoena'''? I had a wonderful life. **5 October 2023 in [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1uPUfVrb74&t=842s spoken interview] * lowlife with a very small brain and a very big mouth * by far the dumbest of my military people * incapable of doing a good job * It was too much for him, and I couldn’t stand the guy, so I fired him like a ‘dog’ ** Claimed about John Kelly, retired U.S. Marine Corps general, former Chief of Staff for Donald Trump, and before that US Homeland Security Secretary, quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2023/oct/05/donald-trump-john-kelly-comments-military-veterans "‘Lowlife with small brain and big mouth’: Trump hits out at ex-aide Kelly"], ''The Guardian'' (October 5, 2023) * There’s a man, Viktor Orbán, did anyone ever hear of him? He’s probably, like, one of the strongest leaders anywhere in the world. He’s the leader of Turkey. **24 October 2023 in [https://www.politico.eu/article/trump-confuses-turkish-and-hungarian-leaders-orban-erdogan/ "Trump praises Hungary’s ‘Viktor Orbán’ as great ‘leader of Turkey’"], ''Politico'' ==== November 2023 ==== * We pledge to you that we will root out the Communists, Marxists, Fascists, and Radical Left Thugs that live like vermin within the confines of our Country, lie, steal, and cheat on Elections, and will do anything possible, whether legally or illegally, to destroy America, and the American Dream. The threat from outside forces is far less sinister, dangerous, and grave, than the threat from within. Despite the hatred and anger of the Radical Left Lunatics who want to destroy our Country, we will MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN! ** [https://www.thenation.com/article/politics/donald-trump-fascist-vermin/ "The “Is Donald Trump a Fascist?” Debate Has Been Ended—by Donald Trump"], ''The Nation'' (November 14, 2023) ====December 2023==== *: ''Sean Hannity:'' Under no circumstances, you are promising America tonight, you would never abuse power as retribution against anybody? *:''Donald Trump:'' Except for day one. *: ''Sean Hannity:'' Except for— *: ''Donald Trump:'' ''[aside to audience, pointing at Sean]'' He's doing great. ''[to Sean]'' Except for day one. I want to close the border and I want to drill, drill, drill. * We love this guy. He says, "You’re not going to be a dictator, are ya?" I said: "No, no, no, other than day one. We're closing the border, and we're drilling, drilling, drilling. After that, I'm not a dictator." **5 December 2023 in Davenport, Iowa town hall, quoted in {{cite news |date=2023-12-05 |title=Trump to Hannity on Whether He’ll Abuse Power as President: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ |periodical=Rolling Stone |url=https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-news/donald-trump-hannity-iowa-town-hall-1234917385/ }} * They let — I think the real number is 15, 16 million people into our country. When they do that, we got a lot of work to do.<br>They're poisoning the '''blood of our country''', that's what they've done.<br>They poison mental institutions and prisons all over the world, not just in South America, not just to three or four countries that we think about, but all over the world. They're coming into our country from Africa, from Asia, all over the world. **16 December 2023 in Durham, New Hampshire rally, quoted in {{cite news |date=2023-12-17 |title=Trump says immigrants are 'poisoning the blood of our country.' Biden campaign likens comments to Hitler. |periodical=NBC News |url=https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2024-election/trump-says-immigrants-are-poisoning-blood-country-biden-campaign-liken-rcna130141 }} *ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION IS POISONING THE '''BLOOD OF OUR NATION''' **17 December 2023 per [https://www.the-independent.com/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-poisoning-blood-quote-fascism-b2465618.html Alex Woodward article in The Independent] on Trumps TruthSocial account after leaving New Hampshire ===2024=== ====January 2024==== *Even if you vote and then pass away, it's worth it. **14 January 2024 per [https://www.businessinsider.com/donald-trump-worth-it-sick-vote-iowa-caucus-pass-away-2024-1 Business Insider] and [https://edition.cnn.com/videos/politics/2024/01/15/donald-trump-vote-pass-away-iowa-caucus-vpx.cnn CNN] *“We’re going to place strong protections to stop banks and regulators from trying to debank you from your—our political beliefs what they do. They want to debank you. We’re going to debank—think of this. They want to take away your country. Electric cars... They wanna take away your rights. They wanna take away your country. The things they’re doing. All [[Electric vehicles|electric cars]]. Give me a break. If you want an electric car, great. But they don’t go far. They’re very expensive. They gotta be made in China. That’s why I think I’m gonna get the autoworkers to vote for Trump. You know, we’re having great, great talks. But think of what they wanna do. They wanna take away your rights.” **17 January 2024 at a campaign rally in New Hampshire, reported by several sources.<ref name="evdb">{{Cite web |website={{w|The Daily Beast}} |date=2024-01-21 |accessdate=2024-01-21 |title=We Need an Interpreter to Work Out Trump’s ‘Debanking’ Rant |department=The New Abnormal |url=https://www.thedailybeast.com/donald-trumps-debanking-rant-in-new-hampshire-and-electric-cars-makes-no-sense}}</ref><ref name="evmed">{{Cite web |url=https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/huh-trump-declares-they-wanna-de-bank-you-and-we-re-going-to-de-bank/ar-AA1n9KYV |title=Huh? Trump Declares, ‘They Wanna De-Bank You and We’re Going to De-Bank’ |first=Michael |last=Luciano |date=2024-01-18 |accessdate=2024-01-21 |website={{w|Mediaite}}}}</ref> * There is a great man, a great leader in Europe — [[Viktor Orbán|Viktor Orban]] [...] He is the Prime Minister of [[Hungary]]. He is a very great leader, a very strong man. Some people don't like him because he's too strong. **20 January 2024 at a rally in Manchester, New Hampshire, as cited in [https://news.yahoo.com/trump-hails-hungarian-pm-orban-162500247.html "Trump hails Hungarian PM Orban as 'great leader' and 'strong man'], ''Yahoo! News,'' reproduced from The New Voice of Ukraine (21 January 2024) * We have become a drug infested, crime ridden nation which is incapable of solvin’ even the sollest smallest problem. The simplest of problems, we can no longer solve. We can’t do anything. We are an institute in a powerful death penalty. We will put this on. ** [https://www.indy100.com/video/donald-trump-incoherent-sentence-video "Trump utter's incoherent sentence about US not solving 'sollest smallest problem'"], ''Indy 100'' (January 23, 2024) *You know, I had an uncle. He's the longest-serving professor, Doctor John Trump, in the history of MIT, with same genes—we have genes, we're smart people, we're smart people... We're like race—Mr. Lieutenant Governor—we're like racehorses, too. You know, the fast ones produce the fast ones, and the slow ones doesn't work out so well, right? But we're no different in that sense. ** [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-migrants-bad-genes-1965004 January 2024] ====March 2024==== *There's a lot of good and there's a lot of bad with TikTok, but the thing I don't like is that without TikTok, you're going to make Facebook bigger, and I consider Facebook to be an enemy of the people, along with a lot of the media. I'm not looking to make Facebook double the size. I think Facebook has been very bad for our country. **11 March 2024 per [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/trump-reversal-tiktok-ban-says-facebook-enemy-of-people/ CBS article by Jacob Rosen] * They call it BleachBit, but it’s essentially acid that will destroy everything, you know, within ten miles. **13 March 2024 about a computer software program, quoted in [https://www.thedailybeast.com/trump-still-seems-to-think-hillary-clinton-used-acid-to-delete-emails "Trump STILL Seems to Think Hillary Clinton Used Acid to Delete Emails"], ''The Daily Beast'' * People who are coming from parts unknown, countries that you’ve never heard of. Languages that nobody in this country speaks. We don’t even have teachers of some of these languages. Who would think that we have languages that are like from the planet Mars? Nobody, nobody, knows how to, you know, speak it. **25 March 2024 [https://www.huffpost.com/entry/donald-trump-out-of-this-world-claim_n_65e6de3ee4b0170871fb9275 "Donald Trump Dragged To The Moon Over New Interplanetary Dog Whistle"], ''Huffington Post'' ====April 2024==== *I called [Bill Bar] him ‘Weak, Slow Moving, Lethargic, Gutless, and Lazy,Based on the fact that I greatly appreciate his wholehearted Endorsement, I am removing the word ‘Lethargic’ from my statement. **25 April 2024 per [https://web.archive.org/web/20240426044532/https://gazette.com/news/wex/bill-barr-endorses-trump-despite-past-criticism/article_1c59037c-c234-5540-be2e-8a5e59bf3ad9.html archive of The Gazette] ====May 2024==== *These people are running a Gestapo administration,And it’s the only thing they have. And it’s the only way they’re going to win in their opinion. Once I got indicted, I said well, now the gloves have to come off,If you care too much, you tend to choke. And in a way, I don’t care. It’s just you know, life is life. **4 May 2024 per [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-biden-administration-gestapo-private-donor-event-rcna150743 NBC writers] Burns/Brooks/Sonnier/Gomez/Terkel * We will make [[America]] ''[[powerful]]'' again. <br /> We will make America ''[[wealthy]]'' again. <br /> We will make America ''[[strong]]'' again. <br /> We will make America [[proud]] again. <br /> We will make America ''[[safe]]'' again. <br /> ''We will make America [[great]] again!'' ** [https://www.instagram.com/realdonaldtrump/reel/C7Z3M8Kudxd/?hl=en Presidential campaign slogans, Bronx, NY (25 May 2024)] * If he wins, our country is going to be destroyed. * He’s a demented tyrant. ** Claimed about President of the United States of America Joe Biden, quoted in [https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2024/05/politics-fear-itself-trump-maga/678311/ "The Politics of Fear Itself"], ''The Atlantic'' (May 7, 2024) * Our cities are choking to death. Our states are dying. And frankly, our country is dying. ** [https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2024/05/politics-fear-itself-trump-maga/678311/ "The Politics of Fear Itself"], ''The Atlantic'' (May 7, 2024) *I have been indicted more than the great Al Capone, on bullshit. **11 May 2024 per [https://www.insidernj.com/trump-delusionary-in-new-jersey/ InsiderNJ] writer Max Pizarro * Has anyone ever seen ''[[The Silence of the Lambs (film)|The Silence of the Lambs]]''? The late, great Hannibal Lecter. He's a wonderful man. He oftentimes would have a friend for dinner. **11 May 2024 from a speech in Wildwood, N.J. per [https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2024/05/13/trump-hannibal-lecter-immigration/ Washington Post], as cited 16 May 2024 in [https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/16/opinion/donald-trump-hannibal-lecter.html "When Donald Trump Met Hannibal Lecter"], ''The New York Times'' *I know we won (Minnesota) in 2020. We've got to be careful. We've got to watch those votes. ** 17 May 2024 during an address to the Minnesota Republican Party's annual Lincoln-Reagan Dinner in St. Paul per [https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/elections/2024/05/18/donald-trump-minnesota-election/73747544007/ Donald Trump falsely tells supporters he won Minnesota in 2020], ''USA Today'' *'''Before I even arrive at the Oval Office''', shortly after we win the presidency, I will have the horrible war between Russia and Ukraine settled, and we will restore, as we had just four years ago, peace through strength. They respected our country and they respected your President. **18 May 2024 in Dallas, Texas in [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sgl06asFsXc speech to NRA aired on Fox], transcribed [https://www.rev.com/blog/transcripts/donald-trump-speaks-at-nra-convention 20 May 2024] ***Trump had previously used the "before I even arrive at the Oval Office" phrase in [[#May 2023]] and would again use it in Philadelphia the following month in [[#June 2024]] *And if you vote for me, on Day One, I will commute the sentence of [[Ross Ulbricht]] **20 May 2024 (Saturday night) at Libertarian National Convention, reported in [https://www.politico.com/news/2024/05/25/trump-commute-ross-ulbricht-sentence-libertarian-convention-00160025 25 May 2024 article] by Peter Shaefer of Politico *It boiled down to something that was very beautiful, the way it happened, and I got along with him very well.<br>He respected me, I respected him.<br>Very smart guy, very strong guy **28 May 2024 about Kim Jong-Un, dictator in North Korea, cited in [https://newrepublic.com/post/181993/trump-brags-beautiful-relationship-cruel-dictator-kim-jong-un "Watch: Trump’s Disgusting Praise for “Beautiful” Bond with Kim Jong Un"], ''New Republic'' *We have a country that’s in big trouble, but this was a rigged decision right from day one, with a conflicted judge who should have never been allowed to try this case, And we’ll keep fighting we’ll fight till the end and we’ll win because our country has gone to hell. We don’t have the same country anymore. We have a divided mess. We’re a nation in decline, serious decline, millions and millions of people pouring into our country right now, from prisons and from mental institutions terrorists, and they’re taking over our country, real verdict would come in November. **30 May 2024 from [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/donald-trump-reaction-guilty-verdict-new-york-criminal-trial/ Melissa Quinn of CBS] and [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/donald-trump-jury-reaction-hush-money-trial-b2554187.html Ariana Baio of The Independent] * Our witnesses were literally crucified by this man who looks like an angel, but he is really a devil. **31 May 2024 [https://x.com/Acyn/status/1796560554359996767 tweet by Acyn] shows footage of Trump saying this about Judge [[Juan Merchan]], after Trump was found guilty in concealing payment of hush money to adult film performer Stormy Daniels, cited in [https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/trump-ridiculed-over-literally-crucified-trial-witness-claim_uk_665c277be4b00474bee95ad7 "Social Media Mocks Trump's Claim That Trial Witnesses Were 'Literally Crucified'"], ''Huffington Post'' (June 02, 2024) ====June 2024==== *Don’t forget, if it weren’t me, they’d be going after somebody else. And I know a lot of the competition, They wouldn’t be doing so well right now. They’d be saying, ‘Mommy, take me home, I want to go home. **2 June 2024 cited in [https://www.politico.com/news/2024/06/02/trump-biden-heat-2024-elections-00161168 Politico article] by Mia McCarthy *Wouldn't it be terrible to throw the President's wife and the former Secretary of State into jail? Wouldn't that be a terrible thing? But they wanna do it! It's a terrible, terrible, path that they're leading us to & it's very possible that it's going to have to happen to them. **5 June 2024 per [https://www.newsnationnow.com/politics/trump-suggests-political-opponents-could-face-prosecution/ NewsNationNow article] by Brett Samuels of The Hill *[<i>Rachel Campos-Duffy:</i>] Would you declassify the 9/11 files?<br>[<i>Donald Trump:</i>] Yeah.<br>[<i>Campos-Duffy:</i>] Would you declassify the JFK files?<br>[<i>Trump:</i>] Yeah. I did a lot of it.<br>[<i>Campos-Duffy:</i>] Would you declassify the Epstein files?<br>[<i>Trump:</i>] Yeah. Yeah, I would. I guess I would. I think that less so because, you know, you don't know — you don't want to affect people's lives if it's phony stuff in there, because it's a lot of phony stuff with that whole world. **During an appearance on Fox & Friends Weekend, quoted in [https://www.hindustantimes.com/world-news/us-news/donald-trump-panics-when-asked-if-hed-declassify-epstein-documents-netizens-wonder-what-is-he-afraid-of-101717671792541.html Donald Trump ‘panics’ when asked if he'd declassify Epstein documents, netizens wonder ‘what is he afraid of?’] ''Hindustan Times'' (June 6, 2024)[https://www.rev.com/transcripts/donald-trump-interview-on-the-will-cain-show] *Those J6 warriors — they were warriors — but they were really, more than anything else, they’re victims of what happened... All they were doing is protesting a rigged election. That’s what they were doing. **9 June 2024 [https://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/4713140-trump-calls-j6-defendants-warriors/ "Trump calls Jan. 6 defendants ‘warriors’"] * I don't care about you. I just want your vote. **10 June 2024 [https://lamag.com/politics/i-dont-care-about-you-i-just-want-your-vote-trump-says-at-his-latest-rally "Trump to Nevada: ’I Don't Care About You... I Just Want Your Vote’"], Los Angeles Magazine * So I said, ‘Let me ask you a question. Nobody ever asked this question. And it must be because of MIT. My relationship to MIT. Very smart. I say, What would happen if the boat sank from its weight? And you’re in the boat and you have this tremendously powerful battery, and the battery is now underwater, and there’s a shark that’s approximately 10 yards over there. By the way, a lot of shark attacks lately. You notice that? A lot of shark. I watch some guys justifying it today. ‘Well, they weren’t really that angry. They bit off the young lady’s leg because of the fact that they were — they were not hungry, but they misunderstood what - who she was.’ These people are crazy. ‘There’s no problem with sharks. They just didn’t really understand a young woman swimming. No really got decimated and other people too, a lot of shark attacks. So I said, ‘So there’s a shark 10 yards away from the boat, 10 yards or here. Do I get electrocuted? If the boat is sinking, water goes over the battery, the boat is sinking. Do I stay on top of the boat and get electrocuted? Or do I jump over by the shark and not get electrocuted? ‘You know, nobody’s ever asked me that question.’ I said, ‘I think it’s a good question. I think there’s a lot of electric current coming through that water.’ But you know what I’d do if there was a shark or you get electrocuted? I’ll take electrocution every single time. I’m not getting near the shark! **10 June 2024 [https://newrepublic.com/post/182494/cognitive-decline-trump-rant-batteries "Cognitive Decline? Trump Short-Circuits During Bonkers Rant"], The New Republic *before I even arrive at the Oval Office, shortly after we win the presidency **22 June 2024 rally in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, quoted in a 2 July 2024 [https://www.politico.com/news/magazine/2024/07/02/nato-second-trump-term-00164517 Politico article] by Michael Hirsh ***Trump had previously used the phrase "before I even arrive at the Oval Office" in [[#March 2023]], and also used it in a May 2024 speech to the NRA the previous month *I'm not rambling. **23 June 2024 [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/his-brains-are-pudding-internet-mocks-trump-for-incoherent-defense-of-rambling-rant/ar-BB1oHYc9?item=flightsprg-tipsubsc-v1a?loadin=defaultbrowser "'His brains are pudding': Internet mocks Trump for 'incoherent' defense of 'rambling' rant"], MSN *But I will tell you that would have never happened [if I was president]. Ukraine would have never happened. The israeli attack would have never happened and inflation would have never happened. Those are three big things. Inflation would have never happened.<br>No, I wouldn't support a national ban [on abortion]. No, I would not. **20 June 2024 [https://deepcast.fm/episode/46167/in-conversation-with-president-trump#quotes/ "In conversation with President Trump", on All-In with Chamath, Jason, Sacks & Friedberg, found on DeepCast] * I want you to remember what they did to me. They tortured me in the Fulton County Jail, and TOOK MY MUGSHOT. So guess what? I put it on a mug for the WHOLE WORLD TO SEE! **24 June 2024 [https://www.newsmax.com/newsfront/donald-trump-georgia-fundraising/2024/06/24/id/1169939/ "Trump Fundraising Email: I Was 'Tortured' in Jail"], Newsmax * If I took this shirt off, you would see a beautiful beautiful person. But you would see wounds all over. I’ve taken a lot of wounds I can tell you. More than I suspect any president ever. **24 June 2024 [https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/donald-trump-talks-taking-off-105630724.html "Donald Trump Talks About Taking Off His Shirt To Show 'Wounds.' Internet Can't Even."], Yahoo News *Israel is the one. And you should let them go and let them go finish the job. He doesn’t want to do it. He’s become like a Palestinian, but hey, don’t like him because he’s a very bad Palestinian. He’s a weak one. **27 June 2024 per [https://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/4744809-donald-trump-joe-biden-debate-palestine-israel/ The Hill article] by Brett Samuels *If we had a real president, a president that knew -- that was respected by Putin ... he would have never invaded Ukraine. **27 June 2024 debate with Joe Biden, cited [https://www.ctvnews.ca/world/trump-says-he-can-end-the-russia-ukraine-war-in-one-day-russia-s-un-ambassador-says-he-can-t-1.6947744 1 July 2024] by Edith Lederer *I really don't know what he said at the end of that sentence. I don't think he knows what he said either. **About Joe Biden. [https://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/4744753-trump-jabs-biden-really-dont-know-what-he-said/ Presidential debate], June 27, 2024 ====July 2024==== * I know nothing about project 2025. * I disagree with some of the things they’re saying and some of the things they’re saying are absolutely ridiculous and abysmal. ** Claimed on July 5, 2024, quoted in: ::* [https://edition.cnn.com/2024/07/11/politics/trump-allies-project-2025/index.html "Trump claims not to know who is behind Project 2025. A CNN review found at least 140 people who worked for him are involved"], ''CNN'' (July 11, 2024) ::* [https://www.huffpost.com/entry/russell-vought-project-2025-centre-for-climate-reporting_n_66be3e85e4b04090eac4512c "Project 2025 Co-Author Says Donald Trump ‘Very Supportive Of What We Do’"], ''Huffington Post'' (August 15, 2024) *It was God alone who prevented the unthinkable from happening...In this moment, it is more important than ever that we stand United, and show our True Character as Americans, remaining Strong and Determined, and not allowing Evil to Win **14 July 2024 [https://www.ndtv.com/world-news/it-was-god-alone-who-prevented-the-unthinkable-trump-on-assassination-attempt-6104182 per NDTV] *By luck or by God, many people are saying it’s by God I’m still here.<br>The agents hit me so hard that my shoes fell off, and my shoes are tight.<br>I had all prepared an extremely tough speech, really good, all about the corrupt, horrible administration. But I threw it away. I want to try to unite our country. **14 July 2024 cited by [https://nypost.com/2024/07/14/us-news/grateful-defiant-trump-recounts-surreal-assassination-attempt-at-rally-im-supposed-to-be-dead/ NY Post] writer Michael Goodwin and [https://www.politico.com/news/2024/07/15/trump-assassination-attempt-rnc-speech-00168251 Politico] writer Isabella Ramirez * Kamala even wants to pass laws to outlaw RED MEAT to stop climate change. * You know what that means? That means no more cows. * I guess eventually she’s gonna mean no more people. Right? No more people. ** Claimed on July 25, 2024, without providing evidence, quoted in [https://www.yahoo.com/news/fact-check-kamala-harris-does-not-want-to-ban-red-meat-as-trump-keeps-falsely-claiming-204515645.html "Fact check: ​​Kamala Harris does not want to ban red meat as Trump keeps falsely claiming"], ''Yahoo News'' (August 1, 2024) * And then the [Kamala Harris] campaign says, 'I'm the prosecutor and he is the convicted felon.' **25 July 2024 [https://www.comicsands.com/harris-trump-ad-prosecutor-felon-2668815011.html# "Kamala Harris Uses 6-Second Clip Of Trump Telling The Truth About Her Campaign In New Ad—And It's Gold"], ''Comic Sands'' *They say something happened to me when I got shot. I became nice.<br>If you don't mind, I'm not going to be nice. Is that okay?<br>If border czar Harris is in charge, every week they'll bring in a neverending stream of illegal aliens, rapists, blood thirsty killers, child murderers to go after our sons and our daughters.<br>Everything Kamala touches turns into a total disaster. **25 July 2024 claims about US Vice President [[Kamala Harris]] at a sports arena in Charlotte, cited in [https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13664627/donald-trump-Charlotte-north-carolina-kamala-harris.html "Donald Trump turns his attention to 'radical left lunatic' Kamala Harris in first rally since Biden dropped out"], ''Daily Mail'' *We have a new victim now, Kamala. A brand new victim, and honestly she’s a radical left lunatic. When you find out about her, all I have to say is defund the police,Three months ago, she was thought of so badly, [the media] were just killing her. And now they’re trying to make her into a, let’s say, Margaret Thatcher. I don’t think so. It’s not going to happen. Margaret Thatcher didn’t laugh like that. Did she? **27 July 2024 in [https://www.politico.com/news/2024/07/27/trump-harris-minnesota-rally-shooting-00171526 Politico article] by Myah Ward *I pledge to the bitcoin community, that the day I take the oath of office, Joe Biden and Kamala Harris’ anti-crypto crusade will be over. On day one, I will fire Gary Gensler. **date unknown, [https://www.ft.com/content/03e8e1d2-4244-4eba-9248-9bbd8d1b0090 Financial Times article] *You won't have to do it anymore. Four more years, you know what, it will be fixed, it will be fine, you won't have to vote anymore, my beautiful Christians...I love you Christians. I'm a Christian. I love you, get out, you gotta get out and vote. '''In four years, you don't have to vote again, we'll have it fixed so good you're not going to have to vote.''' **27 July 2024 in a speech to Turning Point Action in West Palm Beach, Florida, quote from the Reuters article [https://www.reuters.com/world/us/trump-tells-christians-they-wont-have-vote-after-this-election-2024-07-27/ "Trump tells Christians they won't have to vote after this election"] by Tim Reid *I thought she was a little younger, but she's 60 **29 July 2024 about Kamala Harris, cited in [https://www.rawstory.com/donald-trump-2668835186/ "She'll 'destroy the country': Trump rambles about Kamala Harris in new Fox News interview"], ''RawStory'' ***Kamala Harris was born 20 October 1964 so would not turn sixty until 20 October 2024, two weeks prior to the upcoming election - she was actually 59 years 9 months old when he said this *I’m not so sure which is better. But she either likes or loves me. And that’s nice. **30 July 2024 about his wife Melania Trump, cited in [https://www.mercurynews.com/2024/07/30/trump-thinks-melania-either-likes-or-loves-him-following-assassination-attempt/ "Trump thinks Melania ‘either likes or loves’ him following assassination attempt"], ''Mercury News'' * Perverts and losers **30 July 2024 describing members of the Lincoln Project, an organisation of moderate conservatives who oppose Trump and trumpism. Quoted in [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-rages-republicans-campaigning-lincoln-project-1849509 "Donald Trump Rages at Republicans Campaigning Against Him"], ''Newsweek'' * She doesn’t like Jewish people. You know it, I know it and everybody knows it and nobody wants to say it. **30 July 2024 claimed about US Vice President Kamala Harris, who is married to a Jewish husband. Quoted in [https://www.timesofisrael.com/liveblog_entry/trump-claims-harris-doesnt-like-jews-seems-to-agree-with-calling-her-husband-a-crappy-jew/ "Trump claims Harris ‘doesn’t like Jews,’ seems to agree with calling her husband ‘a crappy Jew’"], ''Times of Israel'' * If you are Jewish, regardless of Israel, if you’re Jewish, if you vote for a Democrat, you’re a fool, an absolute fool. **30 July 2024 [https://www.thedailybeast.com/donald-trump-agrees-with-radio-host-who-calls-doug-emhoff-a-crappy-jew "Trump Agrees With Radio Host Who Calls Emhoff a ‘Crappy Jew’"], ''The Daily Beast'' * So I've known her a long time - indirectly, not directly very much - and she was always of Indian heritage. And she was only promoting Indian heritage. I didn't know she was Black until a number of years ago when she happened to turn Black. And now she wants to be known as Black. So I don't know, is she Indian or is she Black? **31 July 2024 about Kamala Harris, whose mother was a biologist from India and father is an emeritus professor of economics at Stanford University, originating from Jamaica. Quoted in [https://www.nbcchicago.com/dnc-chicago-2024/all-of-a-sudden-trump-tells-black-journalists-in-chicago-that-kamala-harris-turned-black/3507125/ "‘All of a sudden': Trump tells Black journalists in Chicago Kamala Harris ‘turned Black'"], ''NBC Chicago'' * I don't want pronouns. **31 July 2024 [https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/donald-trump-gets-basic-english-123624171.html "Donald Trump Gets Basic English Lesson After Ridiculous Comment About His ‘Pronouns’"], ''Huffington Post / Yahoo Entertainment'' * A Black job is anybody that has a job. **31 July 2024 [https://www.cnbc.com/2024/07/31/trump-black-journalist-convention-nabj.html "Trump questions if Harris is Black, downplays Vance pick at Black journalists convention"], ''CNBC'' ====August 2024==== * That’s a weird deal going on there. They’re the weird ones. Nobody’s ever called me weird. I’m a lot of things, but weird I’m not.<br>You notice the evening news, every one of them, you know, they introduced the word ‘weird’, and all of a sudden they’re talking about ‘weird’. No, we’re not weird people. We’re actually just the opposite. We’re right down the middle.<br>No, we're not weird. We're very solid people. We want to have strong borders. We want to have good elections. They’re the weird ones. **1 August 2024 [https://time.com/7009800/donald-trump-responds-weird-label-jd-vance-tim-walz-commentary/ Time] and [https://www.thedailybeast.com/donald-trump-stop-calling-jd-vance-and-me-weird "Donald Trump: Stop Calling Me and J.D. Vance ‘Weird’"], ''The Daily Beast'' * 24 HOURS UNTIL WE UNLEASH HELL. At this time tomorrow, Crooked Kamala’s worst nightmares come true.<br>Tomorrow I step on stage and deliver Open Border Czar Kamala Harris the WORST defeat of her failed political career.<br> **2 August 2024 campaign e-mail from Trump, cited in [https://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/4808393-trump-unleash-hell-atlanta-rally-harris/ "Trump vows to ‘unleash hell’ on Harris at Atlanta rally"], ''The Hill'' *This one is so smart, so sharp. She grabbed me. She gave me a kiss. I said "I think I'm never going back home to the first lady." See now for the average politician, that's death. For me, I don't care. **4 August 2024 about [[Michaelah Montgomery]] at a rally in Georgia about an incident earlier in 2024, cited in [https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13707347/donald-trump-georgia-rally-activist-michaelah-montgomery.html "Trump's risqué remark to young activist who went viral for hugging him at Chick-fil-A after he invited her on stage at rally - as she makes VERY personal dig at Kamala"], ''Daily Mail'' * I’m for electric cars. I have to be, you know, because Elon endorsed me very strongly. So I have no choice. **5 August 2024 [https://www.benzinga.com/news/24/08/40154264/trump-says-electric-cars-are-fantastic-after-tesla-ceo-elon-musks-endorsement-i-have-to-be-you-know "Trump Says Electric Cars Are 'Fantastic' After Tesla CEO Elon Musk's Endorsement: 'I Have To Be, You Know… I Have No Choice'"], ''Benzinga'' * Kamabla Harris is afraid to Debate me on FoxNews **6 August 2024 cited in [https://www.yahoo.com/news/donald-trump-pathetic-way-attacking-120711256.html "Donald Trump’s ‘Pathetic’ New Way Of Attacking Kamala Harris Is Slammed Online"], ''Yahoo News / Huffington Post'' * What are the chances that Crooked Joe Biden, the WORST President in the history of the U.S., whose Presidency was Unconstitutionally STOLEN from him by Kamabla, Barrack HUSSEIN Obama, Crazy Nancy Pelosi, Shifty Adam Schiff, Cryin' Chuck Schumer, and others on the Lunatic Left, CRASHES the Democrat National Convention and tries to take back the Nomination, beginning with challenging me to another DEBATE. He feels that he made a historically tragic mistake by handing over the U.S. Presidency, a COUP, to the people in the World he most hates, and he wants it back, NOW!!! ** 6 August 2024 Cited in [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-suggests-biden-may-try-take-back-nomination-1935550 "Donald Trump Suggests Biden May Try to 'Take Back The Nomination'"], ''Newsweek'' * Crazy Kamabla is, indeed, CRAZY. I HEAR THERE IS A BIG MOVEMENT TO “BRING BACK CROOKED JOE". ** 6 August 2024 Cited in [https://www.indy100.com/politics/trump/trump-truth-social-biden-walz "Trump shares outrageous Biden prediction in baffling Truth Social rant"], ''Indy100'' * If you look at Caracas, it was known for being a very dangerous city and now it's very safe. In fact, the next interview we do, we'll do it in Caracas, Venezuela, because it's safer than many of our cities. ** 6 August 2024 [https://www.miaminewtimes.com/news/trump-says-caracas-venezuela-is-safer-than-many-us-cities-20962070 "Trump Says Caracas Is 'Safer Than Many of Our Cities'"], ''Miami New Times'' *I heard she's sort of a nasty person.<br>She doesn't do interviews 'cause she can't answer questions. **7 August 2024 about Vice President of the United States of America, Kamala Harris, cited in [https://newrepublic.com/post/184640/donald-trump-kamala-harris-attacks "Trump’s Latest Desperate Kamala Attacks Fall Hilariously Flat"], ''The New Republic'' * A ticket that would want this country to go communist immediately, if not sooner.<br>We’re gonna be living like dogs. Our whole country, our whole system, is gonna collapse. **7 August 2024 about [[Tim Walz]], cited in [https://voz.us/en/politics/240807/15242/trump-on-the-election-of-walz-ticket-that-would-want-this-country-to-go-communist-immediately-if-not-sooner.html "Trump, on the selection of Walz: 'A ticket that would want this country to go communist immediately, if not sooner'"], ''Voz'' (August 7, 2024) *Kim Jong Un liked me a lot. He doesn't like this group [the Harris campaign] **8 August 2024 cited in [https://nymag.com/intelligencer/article/trump-press-conference-mar-a-lago-updates.html "Trump Agrees to Debate Harris at Rambling Press Conference: How It Happened"], ''New York Magazine'' * I’ve spoken to the biggest crowds. Nobody’s spoken to crowds bigger than me. If you look at Martin Luther King when he did his speech, his great speech, and you look at ours, same real estate, same everything, same number of people, if not we had more. And they said he had a million people, but I had 25,000 people.<br>Nobody was killed on Jan. 6.<br>The presidency was taken away from Joe Biden, and I’m no Biden fan, but I tell you what, from a constitutional standpoint, from any standpoint you look at, they took the presidency away.<br>Twenty million people came over the border during the Biden-Harris administration — 20 million people — and it could be very much higher than that. Nobody really knows. **9 August 2024 quoted in [https://apnews.com/article/trump-news-conference-fact-check-misinformation-eb899c1fc734f5ecb42b8d0902e5c004 "FACT FOCUS: A look at claims made by Trump at news conference"], ''AP News'' *Christie, he’s eating right now. He can’t be bothered.<br>Sir, please do not call him a fat pig, that’s very disrespect.<br>See, I’m trying to be nice. Don’t call him a fat pig. You can’t do that.<br>I was extremely respectful of Sloppy Chris Christie today in New Hampshire. During a speech in front of a large crowd of Patriots, somebody shouted out that "Chris Christie is a fat pig." Rather than acknowleding that, which many speakers would have done, I said "No, No, he is not a fat pig." I'm sure Chris would have been very happy with my defense of him! **10 August 2024 [[Chris Christie]], cited in [https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2023/08/trump-is-pretending-he-didnt-call-chris-christie-fat-pig.html "Trump Is Pretending He Didn’t Call Christie a ‘Fat Pig’"], ''Intelligencer'' (August 10, 2024) *Has anyone noticed that Kamala CHEATED at the airport? There was nobody at the plane, and she ‘A.I.’d’ it, and showed a massive ‘crowd’ of so-called followers, BUT THEY DIDN’T EXIST! **10 August 2024 cited in [https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2024/08/trump-claims-ai-images-kamala-harris-rallies/679445/ "Trump’s Latest Falsehood Is a Huge Tell"], ''The Atlantic'' *She’s a CHEATER. She had NOBODY waiting, and the ‘crowd’ looked like 10,000 people! Same thing is happening with her fake ‘crowds’ at her speeches. This is the way the Democrats win Elections, by CHEATING ‒ And they’re even worse at the Ballot Box. She should be disqualified because the creation of a fake image is ELECTION INTERFERENCE. Anyone who does that will cheat at ANYTHING!<br>EVERYTHING ABOUT KAMALA IS FAKE! **12 August 2024, cited in [https://eu.usatoday.com/story/opinion/columnist/2024/08/12/trump-harris-rally-crowd-ai-conspiracy-theory/74763568007/ "Trump blames Harris' crowds on AI, so let's all assume everything we don't like is fake!"], ''USA Today'' *The worst president in history. And one of the reasons he was so bad, first of all, the Israeli attack would have never happened. Russia would never have attacked Ukraine and we'd have no inflation. And we wouldn't have had the Afghanistan mess if you think of it.<br>Now she's looking like she wants to be more Trump than Trump if that's possible.She wants to have open borders. And now she's going like she's tough on the border. It's such a lie. **12 August 2024 in [https://turboscribe.ai/transcript/share/4422534834081521519/HWE18owsC2u8E5u2HpZNikyBdermlV2YSwGlTEPKJJw/donald-trump-and-elon-musk-full-transcript-august-12-2024-https-x-com-i-spaces-1nakepnklwoxl TurboScribe article] *The ocean is going to rise one-eighth of an inch over the next 400 years. **13 August 2024 about sea level rise, which is currently at 4 mm (5/32") per year with an accelerating trend. Quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/article/2024/aug/12/trump-elon-musk-interview "Trump revisits most divisive talking points in rambling interview with Musk"], The Guardian *The biggest threat is nuclear warming. **13 August 2024 quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/article/2024/aug/12/trump-elon-musk-interview "Trump revisits most divisive talking points in rambling interview with Musk"], The Guardian *"I said to Vladimir Putin, I said, 'Don't do it. You can't do it, Vladimir, you do it, it's going to be a bad day. You cannot do it.' And I told him things that what I do. And he said, 'No way.' And I said, 'way.' And, you know, it's the last time we ever had the conversation. **13 August 2024 in [https://www.politico.eu/article/trump-zelenskyy-eu-freewheeling-musk-interview/ Politco article] *You’re the greatest cutter,...I need an Elon Musk — I need somebody that has a lot of strength and courage and smarts. I want to close up the Department of Education, move education back to the states. **13 August 2024 in [https://apnews.com/article/donald-trump-elon-musk-x-twitter-livestream-83d6d07fc0ffef4151c96fc56aeec9ee AP News article] *Iran is no friend of mine, a lot of bad signals get sent.The reason is because I was strong on Iran and I was protecting people in the Middle East that maybe they aren’t so happy about that. **14 August 2024 per [https://www.politico.com/news/2024/08/14/trump-iran-hack-campaign-00174002 political article] *Kamala has declared that tackling inflation will be a Day One priority, but Day One for Kamala was 3½ years ago. Why hasn’t she done it? .‌‌.‌‌She's a critic. That's all she is. **14 August 2024 per [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2024-election/trumps-economy-speech-veers-personal-attacks-harris-biden-rcna166652 NBC News article] * Can I hang our picture together in Mar-a-Lago?<br>I’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO MEET YOU! Chris, can we take a picture during our all-expenses-paid trip together? I already have the PERFECT spot picked out in Mar-a-Lago to show it off! * MEET TRUMP! ENTER TO WIN **14 August 2024 mass E-mail sent out to a large number of people. [https://politicalemails.org/messages/1521460 "Can I hang our picture together in Mar-a-Lago?"], PoliticalEmails.com (August 14, 2024) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zBudZMFvcvY&t=115s "Trump Goes TOTALLY NUTS as his ENTIRE LIFE COLLAPSES"], ''MeidasTouch'' (August 14, 2024) *Miriam, I watched (Sheldon Adelson, her late husband) sitting so proud in the White House when we gave Miriam the Presidential Medal of Freedom. That’s the highest award you can get as a civilian, it’s the equivalent of the Congressional Medal of Honor, but civilian version. It’s actually much better, because everyone gets the Congressional Medal of Honor – that’s soldiers. They’re either in very bad shape because they’ve been hit so many times by bullets, or they’re dead. She gets it and she’s a healthy, beautiful woman, and they’re rated equal. **15 August 2024 [https://www.cnn.com/2024/08/16/politics/trump-medal-of-honor/index.html Trump says civilian award is ‘much better’ than Medal of Honor] * We’re talking about a thing called the economy.<br>We’re doing this as an intellectual speech.<br>We literally are a third world nation, we literally are a third-world nation. We’re a banana republic in so many ways, and we’re not going to let that happen because we’re starting a free fall.<br>For nearly four years Kamala has crackled as the American economy has burned.<br>What happened to her laugh? I haven’t heard that laugh in about a week. That’s why they keep her off the stage, that’s why she has disappeared.<br>That’s the laugh of a crazy person, I will tell you. She’s crazy.<br>Incompetent socialist lunatic.<br>Kamabla.<br>Rape and murder, rape and beatings, rape and something else, and sometimes just immediate killing. These people are brutal. These are people that came out of the toughest jails anywhere in the world from all over the world, and we can’t take them. **16 August 2024 per [https://eu.usatoday.com/story/opinion/columnist/2024/08/14/trump-rally-north-carolina-rambling-economy-harris-crime/74798514007/ "Trump's North Carolina speech went predictably off the rails. Can he even spell 'economy'?"], ''USA today'' * I think I’m entitled to personal attacks.<br>Now you’ll say he ranted and raved […] I’m a very calm person, believe it or not. **16 August 2024 from [https://edition.cnn.com/2024/08/16/politics/trump-fury-harris-switch-campaign-analysis/index.html "Trump’s fury over Harris’ switch with Biden is increasingly driving his campaign"], ''CNN'' * She actually called me ‘weird. And she called JD and I ‘weird.’ He’s not weird, he was a great student at Yale.<br>We have this guy that’s running a failed, really a very failed state who’s had a terrible career. I mean you have him saying, ‘They’re weird.’ No, he’s a weird guy, and she’s weird in her policy. **16 August 2024 claim about Vice President of the USA Kamala Harris and Governor of Minnesota Tim Walz, quoted in [https://sg.news.yahoo.com/trump-denies-jd-vance-weird-040509909.html "Trump Denies He And JD Vance Are Weird In The Weirdest Way Possible"], ''Yahoo News / Huffington Post'' *I watched Sheldon sitting so proud in the White House when we gave Miriam the '''Presidential Medal of Freedom'''.<br>That's the highest award you can get as a civilian.<br>'''It's the equivalent of the Congressional Medal of Honor, but civilian''' version.<br>It's actually much better because everyone gets the Congressional Medal of Honor, they're soldiers.<br>They're either in very bad shape because they've been hit so many times by bullets or they are dead.<br>She gets it and she's a healthy, beautiful woman.<br>And they're '''rated equal''', but she got the Presidential Medal of Freedom. ** [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/trump-medal-of-freedom-medal-of-honor/ "Trump says Medal of Freedom "equivalent" to and "much better" than Medal of Honor, sparking backlash from veterans"] ''CBS News'' (August 16, 2024) *Kamala will implement SOVIET Style Price Controls. EVERY American will be taxed up to 80% of their income!<br>If Kamala is elected and implements her Communist Price Caps, there will be famine, starvation, and poverty, the likes of which we have never seen. America will NEVER recover!<br>Kamala Harris wants to raise your taxes and make you pay for free healthcare and free housing in luxury hotels for her millions of illegal aliens. **16 August 2024 quoted in [https://www.rawstory.com/kamala-harris-vs-trump-2668979250/ "Donald Trump rants that 'famine' will come to America if Kamala Harris is elected"], ''RawStory'' *Starting the day I take the oath of office, I will rapidly drive prices down, and we will make America affordable again. **17 August 2024 At a rally in Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania, quoted in [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/trump-claims-continues-personal-attacks-harris/story?id=112921505 Trump claims he's 'better looking,' continues personal attacks toward Harris] ''ABC News'' *I am much better looking than her. I’m a better looking person than Kamala.<br>I say that I’m much better looking than her. I had never heard that one. They said her biggest advantage was that she’s a beautiful-looking woman. Ha. I’d never thought of that.<br>I said, who am I running against, Harris? I said, ‘Who the hell is Harris?'<br>Joe Biden hates her.<br>They will say he’s rambling. I don’t ramble. I’m a really smart guy, **18 August 2024 per [https://www.thedailybeast.com/donald-trump-im-better-looking-than-kamala-and-dont-say-i-ramble "Trump: ‘I’m Better Looking than Kamala—and Don’t Say I Ramble’"], ''The Daily Beast'' *You know, he said we’re weird. That J.D. and I are weird. I think we’re extremely normal people. We’re like you, we’re exactly like you.<br>He [Tim Walz] is weird. Did you ever see him go on the stage and go, like, crazy? Between his movement and her laugh, there’s a lot of crazy. I’d say a step further than weird, weird is a nice word by comparison. **19 August 2024 to a small crowd in York, Pennsylvania, quoted in [https://www.yahoo.com/news/trump-insists-extremely-normal-during-204337061.html "Trump Insists He’s “Extremely Normal” During Incredibly Weird Speech"], ''Yahoo News / The New Republic'' *Prices will come down. You just watch: They’ll come down, and they’ll come down fast, not only with insurance, with everything…. Prices will come down and come down dramatically and come down fast. **20 August 2024 from a recent speech in Asheville, North Carolina, quoted in [https://www.cnn.com/2024/08/20/business/trump-inflation-prices-deflation/index.html Trump promises to make prices plunge again. That’s a dangerous proposal] ''CNN'' *You can’t walk across the street to get a loaf of bread. You get shot, you get mugged, you get raped, you get whatever it may be. **21 August 2024 at a rally in Howell, Michigan, quoted in [https://ca.news.yahoo.com/trumps-latest-claim-crime-real-224038664.html "Trump's Latest Claim About Crime Is A Real Doozy"], ''Yahoo News / Huffington Post'' * That was a coup, it was a vicious violent overthrow of a president of the United States. **20 August 2024 about [[Joe Biden]] pulling out of the 2024 presidential election, quoted in [https://ktrh.iheart.com/featured/houston-texas-news/content/2024-08-20-trump-counters-dnc-with-rally-in-michigan-that-was-a-coup/ "Trump Counters DNC With Rally In Michigan - "That Was A Coup""], ''KTRH Local Houston and Texas News'' *We have a fool as a president. **20 August 2024 cited in [https://ktrh.iheart.com/featured/houston-texas-news/content/2024-08-20-trump-counters-dnc-with-rally-in-michigan-that-was-a-coup/ "Trump Counters DNC With Rally In Michigan - "That Was A Coup""], ''KTRH Local Houston and Texas News'' *I think that women living in the suburbs—I keep hearing about ‘the suburban woman doesn’t like Trump,’ well, I think it’s a fake poll because why wouldn’t they like me? I keep the suburbs safe. **202 August 2024 during a rally in a garage in Howell, Michigan, quoted in [https://newrepublic.com/post/185085/donald-trump-derails-speech-crime-complain-women "Trump Derails Weird Speech on Crime to Complain Women Hate Him"], ''New Republic'' *We're going to bring up electronics too. Electronics. We buy everything away. When you see the sophistication of the product I just saw at this place, electronics is peanuts. **20 August 2024 in [https://www.dailykos.com/story/2024/8/19/2264243/-Thanks-Joe-We-won-t-forget-who-was-POTUS-in-2020 "Thanks, Joe. We won't forget who was POTUS in 2020"], ''Daily Kos'' *Our primary focus is not to get out the vote, it is to make sure they don’t cheat. We have all the votes we’ll need. You can see it ... every house along the way has signs: Trump, Trump, Trump, Vance, Trump, Vance. **20 August 2024 in [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2024-election/trump-says-focus-ensuring-democrats-dont-cheat-not-voter-turnout-rcna167630 "Trump says his focus is ensuring Democrats 'don't cheat,' not voter turnout — echoing efforts to undermine election"], ''NBC News'' *There will be no future under Comrade Kamala Harris, because she will take us into a Nuclear World War III , She will never be respected by the Tyrants of the World! **23 August 2024 in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/article/2024/aug/23/trump-reaction-harris-dnc-speech "Harris’s convention speech sparks live rant from outraged Trump"], ''The Guardian'' *My Administration will be great for women and their reproductive rights. **23 August 2024 [https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/113012083325505976 Truth Social] *Kamala Harris is the weakest presidential candidate in history on crime.<br>She’s allowed millions of people to pour through our borders, many from prisons, mental institutions and, indeed, terrorists, coming in at levels never seen before.<br>What gives her the right to run for president?<br>She got no votes to Biden’s fourteen million.<br>She failed in her previous attempt, was the first one out of twenty-two people to quit, never made it to Iowa, and now she’s a presidential candidate?<br>This is a '''threat to democracy'''! ** [https://www.rawstory.com/trump-2669023213/ "'What gives her the right to run?' Trump launches overnight tirade at Kamala Harris"], ''RawStory'' (August 24, 2024) *The truth is, they’re trying to get out of it because she doesn’t want to debate. She’s not a good debater, she’s not a smart person. She doesn’t want to debate. **26 August 2024 in response to the Harris campaign‘s demand that their September 10th debate occur without muted microphones; in [https://nypost.com/2024/08/26/us-news/harris-campaign-urges-trump-to-take-abc-news-debate-without-muted-microphone/ "Trump says Harris ‘trying to get out of’ debate over unmuted microphones demand"] *15 stunning all-new digital trading cards, it's really something. These cards show me dancing, even holding some BitCoins! ** [https://www.rawstory.com/trump-digital-trading-cards-2669080783/ "Trump revives widely mocked digital trading cards as Harris gains in polls"], ''RawStory'' (August 27, 2024) *The Harris/Biden administration has been caught fraudulently manipulating job statistics to hide the true extent of the economic ruin that they’ve inflicted on America, Bureau of Labor Statistics shows that the administration padded the numbers with an extra, listen to this one, 818,000 jobs that don’t exist. **[https://www.poynter.org/fact-checking/2024/job-data-manipulated-fact-check/ "Donald Trump falsely claimed that Joe Biden and Kamala Harris manipulated job data"], ''Poynter'' (August 27, 2024) * I think to a certain extent it’s Biden’s fault and Harris’s fault. And I’m the opponent. Look, they were weaponizing government against me, they brought in the whole DOJ to try and get me, they weren’t too interested in my health and safety,They’re saying I’m a threat to democracy,They would say that, that was standard line, just keep saying it, and you know that can get assassins or potential assassins going. That’s a terrible thing … Maybe that bullet is because of their rhetoric. ** With "dr Phil" [https://archive.ph/mamCT "Trump, without evidence, in part faults Biden, Harris for assassination attempt"], ''Washington Post'' (August 28, 2024) *Well, I think the six-week (ban) is too short. It has to be more time. So…and I’ve told them that, I want more weeks. I am going to be voting that we need more than six weeks…. I believe in exceptions for life of the mother, —if you look— incest, rape. ** 29 August 2024 when asked how he was going to vote on the Florida amendment to overturn the six-week ban on abortion; in [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-says-wants-make-ivf-treatments-paid-government-insurance-compani-rcna168804 "Trump says he wants to make IVF treatments paid for by government or insurance companies if elected"] *I’m announcing today in a major statement that under the Trump administration, your government will pay for — or your insurance company will be mandated to pay for — all costs associated with IVF treatment. Because we want more babies, to put it nicely. **30 August 2024 in [https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/world/us/we-want-more-babies-trump-promises-free-ivf-treatments-amid-abortion-rights-debate-says-us-government-will-pay-but-how/articleshow/112909996.cms 'We want more babies': Trump promises free IVF treatments amid abortion rights debate, says 'US government will pay' - But how?] *I’ll be voting ’no’ for that reason<br>“’No’ on (Florida) Amendment 4?”<br>For that reason because it‘s radical. You talk about radical. Doing an abortion in the ninth month is unacceptable to anybody…. There‘s something in between, but the six (weeks) is too short, it‘s just too short a period and the nine months is unacceptable…. But for that reason, for the radicalization on the Democrats side, we‘re voting ’no’.<br>“…Would you veto a federal abortion ban?”<br>I‘m not going to have to think about it because it‘s working out so well right now. The states are doing it. It‘s a states issue…. Well, what‘s happening is you‘re never going to have to do it because it‘s being done by the states. The states are voting. And the people are now getting a chance to vote and this is the way everybody wanted it. **30 August 2024 when asked about how he would vote on the Florida abortion amendment in the upcoming election in [https://www.foxnews.com/politics/pro-lifers-blast-trump-betrayal-shifting-abortion-stance-answer-florida-amendment-4 Pro-lifers blast Trump 'betrayal' with shifting abortion stance, answer on Florida Amendment 4] *It’s crazy. Our country is being '''poisoned''', and your schools and your children are suffering greatly because they’re going into the classrooms, they’re taking the seats and they don’t even speak English. **30 Aug 2024 quoted in [https://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2024/aug/30/our-country-is-being-poisoned-trump-says-as-he-cou/ Washington Times article by Ali Swenson and Will Weissert] * If you look at Kamala and you look at what she’s done to every place she’s touched has turned to s**t. Every single place she’s touched. I have to say, it. Every place she’s touched, you know? ** [https://www.yahoo.com/news/melania-plea-trump-control-swearing-202341688.html "Melania’s plea for Trump to control his swearing flops as he tears into Harris at rally"], ''Yahoo News / Independent'' (August 31, 2024) * I don’t need publicity. I get a lot of publicity. I would like to get a lot less publicity.<br>I would hire a public relations agent to get less publicity. ** [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/article/2024/aug/30/trump-pennsylvania-rally-arlington-cemetery-photo-op?utm_source=sdrn%3Avg%3Aarticle%3AJbnA66 "Trump denies exploiting visit to US soldiers’ graves: ‘I don’t need publicity’"], ''The Guardian'' (August 31, 2024) *Now, they have Kamala who has many deficiencies, but she's a nasty person. The way she treated Mike Pence was horrible. The way she treats people is horrible. **31 August 2024 [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-saying-kamala-harris-was-horrible-mike-pence-mocked-1947392 Donald Trump Saying Kamala Harris Was 'Horrible' to Mike Pence Mocked] ====September 2024==== *you take a look at Venezuela as an example, the crime is down 72% because they've taken their criminals from Caracas, they've taken their drug dealers. They're emptying their prisons into our country **[https://www.wtae.com/article/kamala-harris-donald-trump-pennsylvania-fact-check/62048503] ** [https://www.factcheck.org/2024/06/crime-drop-in-venezuela-does-not-prove-trumps-claim-the-country-is-sending-criminals-to-u-s/ "Crime Drop in Venezuela Does Not Prove Trump’s Claim the Country Is Sending Criminals to U.S."], ''FactCheck.org'' (June 14, 2024) * I think you believe [in God] more, because when you speak to experts, like my sons who are shooting experts. But when you speak to experts, they said there was no chance that he could have missed from that distance....<br>I think you think like, if you believe in God, you believe in God more. And somebody said like, why? And I’d like to think that God thinks that I’m going to straighten out our country. Our country is so sick and it’s so broken. Our country is just broken. And maybe that was the reason, I don’t know. I don’t know, a lot of people have said that. ** Speaking about assassination attempt on July 14, 2024, in interview on Fox News “Life, Liberty & Levin”, quoted in [https://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/4858345-trump-id-like-to-think-that-god-thinks-that-im-going-to-straighten-out-our-country/ "Trump: ‘I’d like to think that God thinks that I’m going to straighten out our country’"], ''The Hill'' [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0RbQ2Gb2AG4 YouTube interview] (September 1, 2024) *You just cannot let them have a nuclear weapon. But I will say this: If they do have a nuclear weapon, Israel is gone. ** [https://www.iranintl.com/en/202409014919 "Trump says if Iran gets a nuke, 'Israel will be gone'"], ''Iran International'' (September 1, 2024) * Whoever heard you get indicted for interfering with a presidential election where you have every right to do it? ** [https://www.reuters.com/world/us/trump-says-he-had-every-right-interfere-2020-election-2024-09-02/ "Trump says he had 'every right' to interfere in 2020 election"], ''CNN'' (September 2, 2024) * You know, I do the weave. You know what the weave is? I’ll talk about like nine different things, and they all come back brilliantly together and it’s like, and friends of mine that are, like, English professors, they say, ‘It’s the most brilliant thing I’ve ever seen.’ But the fake news, you know what they say? ‘He rambled.’ ** [https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/critics-call-hilarious-bs-donald-094722633.html "Critics Call Hilarious BS On Donald Trump's New Brag About His Speeches"], ''Yahoo News / Huffington Post'' (September 2, 2024) * [About Project 2025:] I know nothing about it, and they know that, too. Democrats know that, and I purposely haven't read it because I want to say to you I don't, I have no idea what it's all about.<br>It's easier than saying I read it and you know, all of the things. No, I purposely haven't read it, and I've heard about it.<br>I've heard about things that are in there that I don't like, and there's some things in there that everybody would like, but there are things that I don't like at all. ** [https://www.rawstory.com/trump-project-2025-2669122309/ "Trump says ‘purposefully’ hasn’t read Project 2025 — but everybody would like parts of it"], ''RawStory'' (September 3, 2024) *But I’ve done well with debates. I became president, and then the second time I got millions more votes than I got the first time. I was told if I got 63 million … you would win. You can’t not win. And I got millions of more votes than that and lost by a whisker but— and look at what happened with the world. **[https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-lex-fridman-podcast-interview-b2606533.html Trump admits he lost 2020 election ‘by a whisker’ during Lex Fridman podcast], ''Independent'' (September 3, 2024) "[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qCbfTN-caFI Donald Trump Interview - Lex Fridman Podcast #442]" (at 10m51s), Lex Fridman, 3 September 2024. * I am proud to represent our Failing Nation in fighting the GREATEST POLITICAL WITCH HUNT IN HISTORY. REMOVE THE GAG ORDER SO THAT I CAN SHOW HOW CORRUPT OUR COURT SYSTEM IS. PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES ARE NOT TO BE GAGGED! ** Claimed about a court order to stop repeatedly intimidating witnesses and attacking family members of a judge in a felony court case, quoted in [https://www.msn.com/en-au/news/other/i-am-proud-to-represent-our-failing-nation-trump-melts-down-in-early-morning-court-rant/ar-AA1pZ1jo "'I am proud to represent our failing nation': Trump melts down in early morning court rant"], ''MSN / Raw Story'' (September 4, 2024) *I’ve been preparing all my life for this debate. **Referring to his upcoming September 10th debate with Kamala Harris, in [https://www.wbtw.com/news/washington-dc-news/harris-and-trump-court-voters-ahead-of-first-debate/ Harris and Trump court voters ahead of first debate], ''News13 WBTW'' (September 4, 2024) * [Asked about what specific legislation Trump would advance to make child care affordable:] Well, I would do that, and we’re sitting down, and I was, somebody, we had Senator Marco Rubio, and my daughter Ivanka was so impactful on that issue. It’s a very important issue. But I think when you talk about the kind of numbers that I’m talking about, that, because, look, child care is child care is. It’s, couldn’t, you know, there’s something, you have to have it. In this country you have to have it. But when you talk about those numbers compared to the kind of numbers that I’m talking about by taxing foreign nations at levels that they’re not used to — but they’ll get used to it very quickly – and it’s not gonna stop them from doing business with us, but they’ll have a very substantial tax when they send product into our country. Those numbers are so much bigger than any numbers that we’re talking about, including child care, that it’s going to take care. We’re gonna have — I, I look forward to having no deficits within a fairly short period of time, coupled with the reductions that I told you about on waste and fraud and all of the other things that are going on in our country, because I have to stay with child care. I want to stay with child care, but those numbers are small relative to the kind of economic numbers that I’m talking about, including growth, but growth also headed up by what the plan is that I just, that I just told you about. We’re gonna be taking in trillions of dollars, and as much as child care is talked about as being expensive, it’s relatively speaking not very expensive compared to the kind of numbers we’ll be taking in. We’re going to make this into an incredible country that can afford to take care of its people, and then we’ll worry about the rest of the world. Let’s help other people. But we’re going to take care of our country first. This is about America first. It’s about Make America Great Again. We have to do it because right now we’re a failing nation, so we’ll take care of it. ** [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-childcare-economy-speech-b2607970.html "Trump tried to explain how he plans to make childcare more affordable. It was a word salad"], ''Independent'' (September 6, 2024)<!--Quoted by several other sources, such as ''All In with Chris Hayes'', https://www.rawstory.com/trump-decline/, see video here: https://www.c-span.org/video/?538141-1/fmr-pres-trump-remarks-economic-club-york--> * But the transgender thing is incredible. Think of it. Your kid goes to school and comes home a few days later with an operation. The school decides what's going to happen with your child. And you know, many of these childs [sic] 15 years later say, 'What the hell happened? Who did this to me?' They say, 'Who did this to me?' It's incredible. ** [https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/trump-schools-transgender-surgeries/ "Trump's Claim That Children Received Gender-Affirming Surgeries at School Is False"], ''Snopes'' (September 5, 2024) * As the first order of business, this commission will develop an action plan to totally eliminate fraud and improper payments within six months, saving trillions of dollars ** [https://www.nytimes.com/2024/09/06/technology/elon-musk-donald-trump-influence.html How Elon Musk Is Influencing Donald Trump], ''New York Times'' (September 6, 2024) * [On the likelihood of him sexually abusing a woman in 1979:] She said I was making out with her and then I grabbed her in a certain part. Think of the impracticality of this. I'm famous in a plane, people are coming into the plane and I grab a woman - what are the chances of that happening? Frankly, I know you're going to say it's a terrible thing to say but it couldn't have happened, it didn't happen because she would not have been the chosen one. **[https://www.the-express.com/news/politics/147957/donald-trump-e-jean-carroll-court-appeal Trump declares E. Jean Carroll 'not the chosen one' in bizarre rant following court appeal], ''Daily Express US'' [https://youtube.com/watch?v=mFdzWJXPYbo Trump mocks his sexual assault accuser: ‘She would not have been the chosen one’], MSNBC YouTube (September 6, 2024) *I am the Peace President, and only I will stop World War III! **[https://www.mediaite.com/trump/trump-loses-it-on-the-cheneys-after-they-endorse-harris-irrelevant-rino-along-with-his-daughter/ Trump Loses It on the Cheneys After They Endorse Harris: ‘Irrelevant RINO, Along with His Daughter!’] ''Mediaite'' [https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/113093196894480530] (September 6, 2024) * I better win, I better win, or you're going to have problems like we've never had. We may have no country left. It may be our last election. ** [https://www.foxnews.com/politics/trump-claims-israel-gone-two-years-harris-elected-president-video "Trump claims Israel will be 'gone' within two years if Harris is elected president: video"], ''Fox News'' (September 7, 2024) *WHEN I WIN, those people that CHEATED will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the Law, which will include long term prison sentences so that this Depravity of Justice does not happen again.<br>Please beware that this legal exposure extends to Lawyers, Political Operatives, Donors, Illegal Voters, & Corrupt Election Officials. Those involved in unscrupulous behavior will be sought out, caught, and prosecuted at levels, unfortunately, never seen before in our Country. **[https://www.pbs.org/newshour/politics/trump-threatens-long-prison-sentences-for-those-who-cheat-in-the-election-if-he-wins Trump threatens long prison sentences for those who ‘cheat’ in the election if he wins], ''PBS News'' (September 8, 2024) *The moment we win, we will rapidly review the cases of every political prisoner unjustly victimized by the Harris regime, and I will sign their pardons on day one. With your vote this election, their lying, cheating, thieving, hoaxing, and plotting will come to an end. We got to stop the cheating. If we stop that cheating, if we don't let them cheat, I don't even have to campaign anymore. We're going to win by so much. **At a rally in Wisconsin on Saturday, [https://transcripts.cnn.com/show/cnc/date/2024-09-09/segment/07 CNN News Central Transcripts] (September 9, 2024) * Can you imagine you’re a parent and your son leaves the house and you say, ‘Jimmy, I love you so much. Go have a good day in school’ and your son comes back with a brutal operation. Can you even imagine this? What the hell is wrong with our country? ** [https://uk.news.yahoo.com/trump-falsely-claims-children-being-195728811.html "Trump falsely claims children being forced into gender transition ops at school in rambling fantasy-filled rally speech"], ''Yahoo News / Independent'' (September 9, 2024) * I HATE TAYLOR SWIFT! ** [https://www.cnbc.com/2024/09/15/trump-says-i-hate-taylor-swift-after-pop-star-endorses-kamala-harris.html "Trump says ‘I hate Taylor Swift’ after pop star endorses Kamala Harris"], ''CNBC'' (September 15, 2024) * Latin music superstar Nicky Jam. Do you know Nicky? She’s hot. ** Claimed about the singer after he endorsed Trump, quoted in [https://eu.usatoday.com/story/entertainment/music/2024/09/15/donald-trump-nicky-jam-las-vegas-rally/75237185007/ "Donald Trump misgenders reggaeton star Nicky Jam at rally: 'She's hot'"], ''USA Today'' (September 16, 2024) *We have to call it Covid. What the hell does Covid mean. The China virus. A lot of people think they did that because they were not happy with me as president. **[https://www.the-express.com/news/politics/148953/trump Trump pushes theory that 'China created Covid-19 because they didn't like his presidency'] (September 17, 2024) *I don't know what happened. With the bomb threats. I know that it's been taken over by illegal migrants, and that's a terrible thing that happened. Springfield was this beautiful town, and now they're going through hell. **[https://www.pbs.org/newshour/show/how-life-in-springfield-has-been-disrupted-by-lies-about-its-haitian-community How life in Springfield has been disrupted by lies about its Haitian community], ''PBS News'' (17 September, 2024) * Nobody can draw crowds like me... I’m the greatest of all time. Maybe greater even than Elvis. Elvis had a guitar, I don’t have a guitar. I don’t have the privilege of a guitar. ** [https://www.msn.com/en-au/news/other/donald-trump-boasts-he-is-greater-than-elvis/ar-AA1qPeXs "Donald Trump boasts he is ‘greater than Elvis’"], ''MSN'' (September 19, 2024) *She doesn’t like doing interviews. And she’s not knowledgeable about economy and various things, and I think it would be a problem. But you know what? [Biden] was pretty much gone. They said, 'Joe, it’s over. You're getting out.' And they put her in, and she somehow — a woman — somehow she's doing better than he did. But I can't imagine it can last. **During an appearance on Fox News’ ''Gutfeld!'', [https://www.yahoo.com/news/donald-trump-seemed-surprised-kamala-200648284.html Donald Trump Just Made An Eyebrow-Raising Observation About Kamala Harris], ''Yahoo News'' (September 19, 2024) * This is Martin Luther King on steroids. I told that to Mark. I said, 'I think you're better than Martin Luther King. I think you are Martin Luther King times two.' ** Said about candidate for North Carolina governor [[Mark Robinson (American politician)|Mark Robinson]], quoted in [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/robinson-expected-attend-trumps-north-carolina-rally-amid/story?id=113873656 "Robinson not expected to attend Trump's North Carolina rally amid scandal: Sources"], ''ABC News'' (September 21, 2024) * Anybody that thinks crime is going down is a serious brain problem. ** [https://www.scrippsnews.com/us-news/crime/murder-other-violent-crime-rates-dropped-across-us-last-year-new-fbi-data-shows "Murder, other violent crime rates dropped across US last year, new FBI data shows"], ''Scripps News'' (September 23, 2024) * She had the other interview with the other guy who was a nice guy I think from Philadelphia from Pennsylvania, he was a nice guy, he was asking her all these (scrambles words) – the daily take – they don’t take like I do! Anybody wants to go, go what the hell differences they make – they have – and how dishonest was ABC. * I'm cognitively very strong. ** [https://au.news.yahoo.com/trump-teased-over-rambling-word-120404261.html "Trump teased over rambling ‘word salad’ at rally as he insists he is 'cognitively very strong'"], ''Yahoo News / The Independent'' (September 24, 2024) * If any senior doesn't vote for Trump, we're gonna have to send you to a psychiatrist to have your head examined. ** [https://www.mediaite.com/trump/trump-tells-another-group-of-voters-to-have-your-head-examined/ "Trump Tells ANOTHER Group of Voters to 'Have Your Head Examined'"], ''Mediaite'' (September 25, 2024) *If I were the president, I would inform the threatening country, in this case, Iran, that if you do anything to harm this person, we are going to blow your largest cities and the country itself to smithereens. We're going to blow it to smithereens. There would be no more threats. **[https://abcnews.go.com/International/trump-lashes-iran-security-officials-warn-rise-foreign/story?id=114086967 "Trump suggests Iran tied to assassination attempts, issues blunt warning"], ''ABC News'' (September 26, 2024) *It has been determined that Google has illegally used a system of only revealing and displaying bad stories about Donald J Trump, some made up for this purpose while, at the same time, only revealing good stories about Comrade Kamala Harris. This is an ILLEGAL ACTIVITY, and hopefully the Justice Department will criminally prosecute them for this blatant Interference of Elections. If not, and subject to the Laws of our Country, I will request their prosecution, when I win the Election and become President of the United States. **From a post on ''Truth Social'', cited in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2024/sep/27/trump-google-threat-criminal-charges Trump vows to seek criminal charges against Google if re-elected president], ''The Guardian'' (September 28, 2024) *Crooked Joe Biden became mentally impaired, Sad. But lying Kamala Harris, honestly, I believe she was born that way. There’s something wrong with Kamala. And I just don’t know what it is but there is definitely something missing. And you know what, everybody knows it. **[https://www.ctvnews.ca/world/trump-says-there-s-something-wrong-with-harris-and-that-she-s-mentally-impaired-1.7056321] ====1st Debate with Kamala Harris (September 10, 2024)==== *<i>in response to Kamala Harris bringing up Project 2025:</I><Br>…she knows better than anyone, I have nothing to do with Project 2025. That's out there. I haven't read it. I don't want to read it, purposely. I'm not going to read it. This was a group of people that got together, they came up with some ideas. I guess some good, some bad. But it makes no difference. I have nothing to do -- everybody knows I'm an open book. Everybody knows what I'm going to do. Cut taxes very substantially. And create a great economy like I did before. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *<i>regarding inflation during the Biden presidency:</i><br><b>I had no inflation,</b> virtually no inflation, they had the highest inflation, perhaps in the history of our country because I've never seen a worse period of time. <b>People can't go out and buy cereal bacon or eggs or anything else.</b> These the people of our country are absolutely dying with what they've done. They've destroyed the economy and all you have to do it look at a poll. The polls say 80 and 85 and even 90% that the Trump economy was great that their economy was terrible. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *We hardly make chips anymore because of philosophies like they have and policies like they have. I don't say her because she has no policy. Everything that she believed three years ago and four years ago is out the window. She's going to my philosophy now. In fact, I was going to send her a MAGA hat. She's gone to my philosophy. But if she ever got elected, she'd change it. And it will be the end of our country. <b>She's a Marxist. Everybody knows she's a Marxist.</b> **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *But when you look at what she's done to our country and when you look at these <b>millions and millions of people that are pouring into our country monthly</b> where it's I believe 21 million people, not the 15 that people say, and I think it's a lot higher than the 21. That's bigger than New York state. Pouring in. And just look at what they're doing to our country. They're criminals. Many of these people coming in are criminals. And that's bad for our economy too. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *<i>LINSEY DAVIS: …Vice President Harris says that women shouldn't trust you on the issue of abortion because you've changed your position so many times. Therefore, why should they trust you?</i><br>Well, the reason I'm doing that vote [voting “no” on the Florida abortion ban] is because the plan is, as you know, the vote is, they have abortion in the ninth month. They even have, and you can look at the governor of West Virginia, the previous governor of West Virginia, not the current governor, who's doing an excellent job, but the governor before. He said the baby will be born and we will decide what to do with the baby. In other words, we'll execute the baby. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *But her vice presidential pick [Tim Walz] says abortion in the ninth month is absolutely fine. <b>He also says execution after birth, it's execution, no longer abortion, because the baby is born, is okay.</b> And that's not okay with me. Hence the vote. But what I did is something for 52 years they've been trying to get Roe v. Wade into the states. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *And now states are voting on it. And for the first time you're going to see -- look, this is an issue that's torn our country apart for 52 years. Every legal scholar, every Democrat, every Republican, liberal, conservative, they all wanted this issue to be brought back to the states where the people could vote. And that's what happened, happened. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *<i>KAMALA HARRIS: …But understand, if Donald Trump were to be re-elected, he will sign a national abortion ban….</i><br>I’m not signing a ban. And there's no reason to sign a ban. Because we've gotten what everybody wanted. Democrats, Republicans and everybody else and every legal scholar wanted it to be brought back into the states. And the states are voting. And it may take a little time, but for 52 years this issue has torn our country apart. And they've wanted it back in the states. And I did something that nobody thought was possible. The states are now voting. What she says is an absolute lie. And as far as the abortion ban, no, I'm not in favor of abortion ban. But it doesn't matter because this issue has now been taken over by the states. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *<i>KAMALA HARRIS: …You will see during the course of his rallies he talks about fictional characters like Hannibal Lecter. He will talk about windmills cause cancer. And what you will also notice is that people start leaving his rallies early out of exhaustion and boredom….</i><br>First let me respond as to the rallies. She said people start leaving. <b>People don't go to her rallies.</b> There's no reason to go. And the people that do go, <b>she's busing them in and paying them to be there.</b> And then showing them in a different light. So, she can't talk about that. People don't leave my rallies. <b>We have the biggest rallies, the most incredible rallies in the history of politics.</b> That's because people want to take their country back. Our country is being lost. <b>We're a failing nation. And it happened three and a half years ago.</b> And what, what's going on here, <b>you're going to end up in World War 3,</b> just to go into another subject. What they have done to our country by allowing these millions and millions of people to come into our country. And look at what's happening to the towns all over the United States. And a lot of towns don't want to talk -- not going to be Aurora or Springfield. A lot of towns don't want to talk about it because they're so embarrassed by it. <b>In Springfield, they're eating the dogs. The people that came in. They're eating the cats. They're eating -- they're eating the pets of the people that live there.</b> And this is what's happening in our country. And it's a shame….<br><I>DAVID MUIR: I just want to clarify here, you bring up Springfield, Ohio. And ABC News did reach out to the city manager there. He told us there have been no credible reports of specific claims of pets being harmed, injured or abused by individuals within the immigrant community --</i><br><b>Well, I've seen people on television</b><br><i>DAVID MUIR: Let me just say here this ...</i><br><b>The people on television say my dog was taken and used for food.</b> So maybe he said that and maybe that's a good thing to say for a city manager.<br><i>DAVID MUIR: I'm not taking this from television. I'm taking it from the city manager.</i><br><b>But the people on television say their dog was eaten by the people that went there.</b><br><i>DAVID MUIR: Again, the Springfield city manager says there's no evidence of that.</i><br>*<b>We'll find out.</b> **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *But just to finish, I got more votes than any Republican in history by far. In fact, I got more votes than any president, sitting president in history by far. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *<i>DAVID MUIR: You also said you would use local police. How would you deport 11 million undocumented immigrants? I know you believe that number is much higher….</i><br> Yeah. It is much higher because of them. They allowed criminals. Many, many, millions of criminals. They allowed terrorists. They allowed common street criminals. They allowed people to come in, drug dealers, to come into our country, and they're now in the United States. And told by their countries like Venezuela don't ever come back or we're going to kill you. Do you know that crime in Venezuela and crime in countries all over the world is way down? You know why? Because they've taken their criminals off the street and they've given them to her to put into our country. And this will be one of the greatest mistakes in history for them to allow -- and I think they probably did it because they think they're going to get votes. But it's not worth it. Because they're destroying the fabric of our country by what they've done. There's never been anything done like this at all. They've destroyed the fabric of our country. Millions of people let in. And all over the world crime is down. All over the world except here. Crime here is up and through the roof. Despite their fraudulent statements that they made. Crime in this country is through the roof. And we have a new form of crime. It's called migrant crime. And it's happening at levels that nobody thought possible.<br><i>DAVID MUIR: President Trump, as you know, the FBI says overall violent crime is actually coming down in this country, but Vice President the...</i><br>Excuse me, the FBI -- they were defrauding statements. They didn't include the worst cities. They didn't include the cities with the worst crime. It was a fraud. Just like their number of 818,000 jobs that they said they created turned out to be a fraud. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *<i>Responding to Harris listing the criminal cases against Trump:</i><br>Excuse me. Every one of those cases was started by them against their political opponent. And I'm winning most of them and I'll win the rest on appeal. And you saw that with the decision that came down just recently from the Supreme Court. I'm winning most of them. But those are cases, it's called weaponization. Never happened in this country. They weaponized the justice department. Every one of those cases was involved with the DOJ, from Atlanta and Fani Willis -- to the attorney general of New York and the D.A. In New York. Every one of those cases. And then they say oh, he was -- he's a criminal. They're the ones that made them go after me. By the way, Joe Biden was found essentially guilty on the documents case. And what happened in my documents case? They said oh, that's the toughest of them all. A complete and total victory. Two months ago it was thrown out. It's weaponization. And they used it. And it's never happened in this country. They used it to try and win an election. They're fake cases….<br>…This is the one that weaponized. Not me. She weaponized. I probably took a bullet to the head because of the things that they say about me. They talk about democracy. I'm a threat to democracy. They're the threat to democracy – With the fake Russia Russia Russia investigation that went nowhere. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *<i>Responding to Harris‘ statement that he inherited $400 million:</i><br>Well, first of all, I wasn't given $400 million. I wish I was. My father was a Brooklyn builder. Brooklyn, Queens. And a great father and I learned a lot from him. But I was given a fraction of that, a tiny fraction, and I built it into many, many billions of dollars. Many, many billions. And when people see it, they are even surprised. So, we don't have to talk about that. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *She went out -- she went out in Minnesota and wanted to let criminals that killed people, that burned down Minneapolis, she went out and raised money to get them out of jail. She did things that nobody would ever think of. Now she wants to do transgender operations on illegal aliens that are in prison. This is a radical left liberal that would do this. She wants to confiscate your guns and she will never allow fracking in Pennsylvania. If she won the election, fracking in Pennsylvania will end on day one. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *Because <b>the prices of energy were quadrupling and doubling.</b> You saw what happened to gasoline. So, they said let’s go back to Trump. But if she won the election, the day after that election, they’ll go back to destroying our country and oil will be dead, fossil fuel will be dead. We’ll go back to windmills and we’ll go back to solar, where they need a whole desert to get some energy to come out. You ever see a solar plant? By the way, I’m a big fan of solar. But they take 400, 500 acres of desert soil— These are not good things for the environment that she understands. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *<i>DAVID MUIR: You were the president. You were watching [the January 6th attack on the U.S. Capitol] unfold on television. It’s a very simple question as we move forward toward another election. Is there anything you regret about what you did on that day? Yes or no.<br></i>I had nothing to do with that other than they asked me to make a speech. I showed up for a speech. I said, I think it’s going to be big. I went to Nancy Pelosi and the mayor of Washington, D.C. And the mayor put it back in writing, as you know. I said, you know, this is going to be a very big rally or whatever you want to call it. And again, it wasn’t done by me. It was done by others. I said I’d like to give you 10,000 National Guard or soldiers. They rejected me. Nancy Pelosi rejected me. It was just two weeks ago, her daughter has a tape of her saying she is fully responsible for what happened. They want to get rid of that tape. It would have never happened if Nancy Pelosi and the mayor of Washington did their jobs. <b>I wasn’t responsible for security. Nancy Pelosi was responsible. She didn’t do her job.</b> **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *<i>DAVID MUIR: Are you now acknowledging that you lost in 2020?</i><br>No, I don’t acknowledge that at all.<br><i>DAVID MUIR: But you did say that.</i><br>I said that sarcastically. You know that. It was said, oh we lost by a whisker. That was said sarcastically. Look, there’s so much proof. All you have to do is look at it. And they should have sent it back to the legislatures for approval. I got almost 75 million votes. The most votes any sitting president has ever gotten. I was told if I got 63, which was what I got in 2016, you can’t be beaten. The election, people should never be thinking about an election as fraudulent. We need two things. We need walls. We need — and we have to have it. We have to have borders. And we have to have good elections.<br>Our elections are bad. And a lot of these illegal immigrants coming in, they’re trying to get them to vote. They can’t even speak English. They don’t even know what country they’re in practically. And these people are trying to get them to vote. And that’s why they’re allowing them to come into our country. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *<i>DAVID MUIR: And [many judges] said there was no widespread [election] fraud.</i><br> No judge looked at it. They said we didn’t have standing. That’s the other thing. They said we didn’t have standing. A technicality. Can you imagine a system where a person in an election doesn’t have standing, the President of the United States doesn’t have standing? That’s how we lost. If you look at the facts, and I’d love to have you — you’ll do a special on it. I’ll show you Georgia and I’ll show you Wisconsin and I’ll show you Pennsylvania and I’ll show you — we have so many facts and statistics. But you know what? That doesn’t matter. Because we have to solve the problem that we have right now. That’s old news. And the problem that we have right now is we have a nation in decline and they have put it into decline. We have a nation that is dying, David **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *<i>KAMALA HARRIS: …And world leaders are laughing at Donald Trump. I have talked with military leaders, some of whom worked with you. And they say you’re a disgrace….</i><br><i>DAVID MUIR: I’ll give you one minute to respond, Mr. President.</i><br>Let me just tell you about world leaders. Viktor Orban, one of the most respected men — they call him a strong man. He’s a tough person. Smart. Prime Minister of Hungary. They said why is the whole world blowing up? Three years ago it wasn’t. Why is it blowing up? He said because you need Trump back as president. They were afraid of him. China was afraid. And I don’t like to use the word afraid but I’m just quoting him. China was afraid of him. North Korea was afraid of him. Look at what’s going on with North Korea, by the way. He said Russia was afraid of him….<br>Look, Viktor Orban said it. He said the most respected, most feared person is Donald Trump. We had no problems when Trump was president. But when this weak pathetic man that you saw at a debate just a few months ago that if he weren’t in that debate he’d be running instead of her, she got no votes, he got 14 million votes, what you did, you talk about a threat to democracy. He got 14 million votes [in the primaries] and they threw him out of office. And you know what? I’ll give you a little secret. He hates her. He can’t stand her…. But he had 14 million votes. They threw them out. She got zero votes. And when she ran, she was the first one to leave because she failed. And now she’s running. I don’t understand it but I’m okay with it – because I think we’re going to do pretty well. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *<i>LINSEY DAVIS: President Trump, how would you negotiate with Netanyahu and also Hamas in order to get the hostages out and prevent the killing of more innocent civilians in Gaza?</i><br>If I were president it would have never started. If I were president Russia would have never, ever -- I know Putin very well. He would have never -- and there was no threat of it either, by the way, for four years. Have gone into Ukraine and killed millions of people when you add it up. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *She hates Israel. <b>If she's president, I believe that Israel will not exist within two years from now. And I've been pretty good at predictions.</b> And I hope I'm wrong about that one. She hates Israel. At the same time in her own way she hates the Arab population because the whole place is going to get blown up, Arabs, Jewish people, Israel. Israel will be gone. It would have never happened. Iran was broke under Donald Trump. Now Iran has $300 billion because they took off all the sanctions that I had. Iran had no money for Hamas or Hezbollah or any of the 28 different spheres of terror. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *And I'll get the war with Ukraine and Russia ended. If I'm President-Elect, I'll get it done before even becoming president. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *<i>KAMALA HARRIS: …It is well known that he said of Putin that he can do whatever the hell he wants and go into Ukraine. It is well known when that he said when Russia went into Ukraine it was brilliant….</i><br>They're the ones -- and she's the one that caused it, that's weak on national security by allowing every nation last month for the year, 168 different countries sending people into our country. Their crime rates are way down. Putin endorsed her last week. Said I hope she wins. And I think he meant it. Because what he's gotten away with is absolutely incredible. It wouldn't have happened with me. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *<i>DAVID MUIR: …You have said you would solve this war [in Ukraine] in 24 hours. How exactly would you do that? And I want to ask you a very simple question tonight. Do you want Ukraine to win this war?</i><br>I want to get the war settled. I know Zelenskyy very well and I know Putin very well. I have a good relationship. And they respect your president. Okay? They respect me. They don't respect Biden….<br>If I win, when I'm President-Elect, and what I'll do is I'll speak to one, I'll speak to the other, I'll get them together. That war would have never happened. And in fact when I saw Putin after I left, unfortunately left because our country has gone to hell, but after I left when I saw him building up soldiers, he did it after I left, I said oh, he must be negotiating. It must be a good strong point of negotiation. Well, it wasn't because Biden had no idea how to talk to him. He had no idea how to stop it. And now you have millions of people dead and it's only getting worse and it could lead to World War 3. Don't kid yourself, David. We're playing with World War 3. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *And we have a president that we don't even know if he's -- where is our president? We don't even know if he's a president.<br><i>DAVID MUIR: And just to clarify here.</I><br>They threw him out of a campaign like a dog. We don't even know, is he our president? But we have a president…<br><i>DAVID MUIR: Mr. President,--</i><br>…that doesn't know he's alive. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *<i>KAMALA HARRIS: …If Donald Trump were president, Putin would be sitting in Kyiv right now….</i><br>Putin would be sitting in Moscow and he wouldn't have lost 300,000 men and women. But he would have been sitting in Moscow… But eventually, you know, he's got a thing that other people don't have. <b>He's got nuclear weapons. They don't ever talk about that. He's got nuclear weapons. Nobody ever thinks about that.</b> And eventually uh maybe he'll use them. Maybe he hasn't been that threatening. But he does have that. Something we don't even like to talk about. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *And that's the kind of talent we have with her. She's worse than Biden. In my opinion, I think he's the worst president in the history of our country. She goes down as the worst vice president in the history of our country. But let me tell you something. She is a horrible negotiator. They sent her in to negotiate. As soon as they left Putin did the invasion. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *<i>KAMALA HARRIS: [Regarding a peace deal Trump negotiated to end the Afghan War:] He bypassed the Afghan government. He negotiated directly with a terrorist organization called the Taliban. The negotiation involved the Taliban getting 5,000 terrorists, Taliban terrorists released.</i><br>So if you take a look at that period of time, the Taliban was killing our soldiers, a lot of them, with snipers. And I got involved with the Taliban because the Taliban was doing the killing. That's the fighting force within Afghanistan. They don't bother doing that because you know, they deal with the wrong people all the time. But I got involved. And Abdul is the head of the Taliban. He is still the head of the Taliban. And I told Abdul don't do it anymore, you do it anymore you're going to have problems. And he said why do you send me a picture of my house? I said you're going to have to figure that out, Abdul. And for 18 months we had nobody killed. We did have an agreement negotiated by Mike Pompeo. It was a very good agreement. The reason it was good, it was -- we were getting out. We would have been out faster than them, but we wouldn't have lost the soldiers. We wouldn't have left many Americans behind. And we wouldn't have left -- we wouldn't have left $85 billion worth of brand new beautiful military equipment behind. And just to finish, they blew it. The agreement said you have to do this, this, this, this, this, and they didn't do it. They didn't do it. The agreement was, was terminated by us because they didn't do what they were supposed to do. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *<i>DAVID MUIR: …Why do you believe it's appropriate to weigh in on the racial identity of your opponent?</i><br>I don't. And I don't care. I don't care what she is. I don't care. You make a big deal out of something. I couldn't care less. Whatever she wants to be is okay with me.<br><i>DAVID MUIR: But those were your words. So, I'm asking --</i><br>I don't know. I don't know. All I can say is I read where she was not Black, that she put out. And, I'll say that. And then I read that she was black. And that's okay. Either one was okay with me. That's up to her. That's up to her. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *<i>KAMALA HARRIS: …Let's remember, this is the same individual who took out a full-page ad in The New York Times calling for the execution of five young Black and Latino boys who were innocent, the Central Park Five. Took out a full-page ad calling for their execution….</i><br>This is the most divisive presidency in the history of our country. There's never been anything like it. They're destroying our country. And they come up with things like what she just said going back many, many years when a lot of people including Mayor Bloomberg agreed with me on the Central Park Five. They admitted -- they said, they pled guilty. And I said, well, if they pled guilty they badly hurt a person, killed a person ultimately. And if they pled guilty -- then they pled we're not guilty. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *<b>I built one of the greatest economies in the history of the world and I'm going to build it again.</b> It's going to be bigger, better and stronger. But they're destroying our economy. They have no idea what a good economy is. Their oil policies -- every single policy -- and remember this. She is Biden. She's trying to get away from Biden. I don't know the gentleman, she says. She is Biden. The worst inflation we've ever had. A horrible economy because inflation has made it so bad and she can't get away with that. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *She is destroying our country. She has a plan to defund the police. She has a plan to confiscate everybody's gun. She has a plan to not allow fracking in Pennsylvania or anywhere else. That's what her plan is until just recently. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *<i>LINSEY DAVIS: …So tonight, nine years after you first started running, do you have a [healthcare] plan and can you tell us what it is?</i><br>Obamacare was lousy health care. Always was. It's not very good today. And what I said, that if we come up with something, we are working on things, we're going to do it and we're going to replace it…. And what we will do is we're looking at different plans. If we can come up with a plan that's going to cost our people, our population less money and be better health care than Obamacare, then I would absolutely do it. But until then I'd run it as good as it can be run.<br><i>LINSEY DAVIS: So just a yes or no, you still do not have a plan?</i><br>I have concepts of a plan. I'm not president right now. But if we come up with something I would only change it if we come up with something better and less expensive. And there are concepts and options we have to do that. And you'll be hearing about it in the not-too-distant future. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *<i>Closing Statement:</i><br>…We're a failing nation. We're a nation that's in serious decline. We're being laughed at all over the world. All over the world, they laugh, I know the leaders very well. They're coming to see me. They call me. We're laughed at all over the world. They don't understand what happened to us as a nation. We're not a leader. We don't have any idea what's going on. We have wars going on in the Middle East. We have wars going on with Russia and Ukraine. We're going to end up in a third World War. And it will be a war like no other because of nuclear weapons, the power of weaponry. I rebuilt our entire military. She gave a lot of it away to the Taliban. She gave it to Afghanistan. What these people have done to our country, and maybe toughest of all is allowing millions of people to come into our country, many of them are criminals, and they're destroying our country. The worst president, the worst vice president in the history of our country. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *It was 3 on 1, but they were mentally challenged people, against one person of extraordinary genius. **[https://www.mediaite.com/politics/abc-fake-news-trump-rages-network-under-investigation-after-debate-3-mentally-challenged-people-on-1-extraordinary-genius/] *They didn't correct her [Harris] once and they corrected me. Everything I said, practically, I think 9 times or 11 times. And the audience was absolutely, they went crazy. And the real, I thought, I walked off and I said, 'that was a great debate, I loved it.' **Regarding the debate audience (which there wasn‘t one), [https://www.newsweek.com/trump-praises-nonexistent-debate-crowd-they-went-crazy-1956251 Donald Trump's Debate Crowd Comment Sparks Confusion: 'They Went Crazy'], ''Newsweek'' (September 19, 2024) ==== October 2024 ==== * We do a lot of these beautiful rallies, and it's so great. We never have an empty seat, never have. Look at it. ** [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-rally-videos-empty-seats-1966810 "Donald Trump Rally Videos Show Hundreds of Empty Seats"], ''Newsweek'' (October 10, 2024) *We have two enemies: We have the outside enemy, and then we have the enemy from within. And the enemy from within, in my opinion, is more dangerous than China, Russia and all these countries… But the thing that's tougher to handle are these lunatics that we have inside, like Adam Schiff — Adam 'Shifty' Schiff… I call him the enemy from within. When you look at the danger he put our country in potentially with Russia — with a phony, made-up deal that he made up with Hillary and some bad people. ** [https://www.foxnews.com/media/former-president-trump-calls-enemy-within-more-dangerous-any-foreign-entity Former President Trump calls the 'enemy from within' more dangerous than any foreign entity] ''FoxNews'' (October 13, 2024) *So we’re gonna take care of it, you and me. I’ll tell you, if everything works out and everybody gets out on January 5th, or before. You know, it used to be, you’d have a date. Today, you can vote two months before, probably three months after. They don’t know what the hell they’re doing. But we’re gonna straighten it all out. We’re gonna straighten that out, too. We’re gonna straighten out our election process, too. That’s gotta be important also. **[https://www.mediaite.com/politics/whoops-trump-tells-supporters-to-get-out-and-vote-on-january-5th/ Whoops! Trump Tells Supporters to Get Out and Vote on ‘January 5th’] ''Mediaite'' (October 14, 2024) *Let’s not do any more questions. Let’s just listen to music. Let’s make it into a music. Who the hell wants to hear questions, right? **[https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/ar-AA1sha0E Trump sways and bops to music for 39 minutes in bizarre town hall episode] ''The Washington Post'' (October 14, 2024) *To me, the most beautiful word in the dictionary is tariff, and it’s my favorite word. It needs a public relations firm. **[https://www.bloomberg.com/news/newsletters/2024-10-15/in-trump-s-economic-plan-tariff-is-the-most-beautiful-word In Trump’s Economic Plan, Tariff Is ‘the Most Beautiful Word’] ‘’Bloomberg News’’ (October 15, 2024) * I’m the father of IVF. ** [https://edition.cnn.com/2024/10/16/politics/fact-check-trump-false-claims-fox-townhall/index.html "Fact check: Trump makes at least 19 false claims in one-hour Fox town hall with women"], ''CNN'' (October 16, 2024) * [[w:Ashli Babbitt | Ashli Babbitt]] was killed, nobody was killed. ** Claimed about the [[2021 United States Capitol attack| January 6, 2020 United States Capitol attack]]. Quoted in [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-univision-town-hall-hispanic-voters-audience-reaction-1970402 "Univision Audience Reaction to Donald Trump Answer in Town Hall Goes Viral"], ''Newsweek'' (October 17, 2024) *Very importantly, you had hundreds of thousands of people come to Washington [on January 6th]. They didn’t come because of me. They came because of the election. They thought the election was a rigged election and that’s why they came. Some of those people went down to the Capitol, I said, peacefully and patriotically, nothing done wrong at all. Nothing done wrong. And action was taken, strong action. Ashli Babbitt was killed. Nobody was killed. There were no guns down there. We didn’t have guns. The others had guns, but we didn’t have guns. And when I say “we” these are people that walk down, this was a tiny percentage of the overall, which nobody sees and nobody shows.<br>But that was a day of love from the standpoint of the millions, it’s like hundreds of thousands. It could have been the largest group I’ve ever spoken before. They asked me to speak. I went and I spoke and I used the term peacefully and patriotically. If you look at the Democrats, what they say, you look at Maxine Waters, and you look at Hillary Clinton and you look at what they say and they don’t put that on. They only put Republicans on, but they couldn’t get me because of the fact that I said, everything’s got to be peaceful and patriotic and we’ll see how it all works out. **In response to a question about why a voter should support Trump after his role on January 6th [https://www.rev.com/blog/transcripts/trump-town-hall-on-univision Trump Town Hall on Univision] (October 17, 2024) *Kamala should be investigated and forced off the Campaign, and Joe Biden allowed to take back his rightful place (He got 14 Million Primary Votes, she got none!). THIS WHOLE SORDID AND FRAUDULENT EVENT IS A THREAT TO DEMOCRACY! **As it appeared on Truth Social, reported in [https://www.mediaite.com/politics/trump-melts-down-in-wild-post-claiming-kamala-harris-should-be-investigated-and-biden-should-be-his-opponent-again/ Trump Melts Down In Wild Post Claiming Kamala Harris ‘Should Be Investigated’ And Biden Should Be His Opponent Again] Mediaite (October 17, 2024) * We have another former New York City mayor with us. Frankly, easily the worst in our history. And it's not [[Michael Bloomberg|Michael]], that I can tell you. I'm surprised that [[Bill de Blasio|Bill de Blasio]] was actually able to make it tonight, to be honest. He was a terrible mayor. I don't give a shit if this is comedy or not. He was a terrible mayor. He did a horrible job. That's not comedy, by the way. That's fact. ** Al Smith dinner (October 17, 2024) * If we go with Kamala, you won’t have any cows anymore.<br>They want to do things like no more cows and no windows in buildings. ** [https://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/4941581-trump-says-no-cows-under-harris/ "Trump tells child there will be no cows under Harris"], ''The Hill'' (October 18, 2024) *<i>Howard Kurtz:</i> But when you said, you know, it's gone viral, they're eating the dogs, they're eating the cats. But why not say now, well, look, that turned out not to be true.<br><i>Trump:</i> I don't know if it's true or not true.<br><i>Kurtz:</i> You don't know if it's true or not true. It's been debunked by the officials.<br><i>Trump:</i> What about the goose? The geese? They're all missing. It was one guy with two geese. I have no idea. I said something. The big problem is that you can't put 30,000 people into a 50,000-person town or city and expect this city to even survive or do well. What they've done to Springfield, Ohio, is very, very unfair. And I mean, there are a lot of stories. There are a lot of other stories that I've heard that are horrible stories... Don't don't, you know, blame me.<br><i>Kurtz:</i> Well, I think it's been debunked by local officials.<br><i>Trump:</i> I don't think it's been debunked at all. I think nobody talks about it except you. *If radical left lunatics disrupt the election, it should be very easily handled by — if necessary, by National Guard, or if really necessary, by the military. **Interview with Fox New host Howard Kurtz in [https://www.rawstory.com/trump-haitians-debunked/ 'It's been debunked': Fox News host fact checks Trump to his face on Springfield Haitians] ''RawStory'' (October 20, 2024) [https://whyy.org/articles/trump-election-2024-kamala-harris-elizabeth-cheney-threat-civil-liberties/] *Comrade Kamala Harris sees that she is losing, and losing badly, especially after stealing the Race from Crooked Joe Biden, so now she is increasingly raising her rhetoric, going so far as to call me Adolf Hitler, and anything else that comes to her warped mind. She is a Threat to Democracy **[https://nitter.poast.org/realDonaldTrump/status/1849272632237056163#m] *I NEED THE KIND OF GENERALS THAT HITLER HAD **[https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2024/10/trump-military-generals-hitler/680327/] *When Kamala came in, she dismantled our border and threw open the gates to an invasion of criminal migrants. We're a dumping ground. We're like a garbage can for the world. That's what's happened. That's what's happened to our ... We're like a garbage can **[https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-ripped-saying-america-garbage-can-1974727] *He’d take all the candy away very quickly. She wouldn’t have any idea what happened. It would be like a grand chess master playing a beginner. We would lose our country or be in World War III,because she’d get exasperated. She’s in no way able to handle him. He’s a fierce individual. **[https://nypost.com/2024/10/24/us-news/trump-says-iranian-regime-wouldnt-have-to-end-if-he-were-president-suggests-peace-could-be-close/?utm_source=twitter&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=nypost] *Now we have income taxes, and we have people that are dying. They're paying tax, and they don't have the money to pay the tax. In the old days … we had so much money, they had to set up committees, blue-ribbon committees, [on] how to spend our wealth. We had no idea how to spend it with so much money. Then we went to the income tax system and the rest is sort of history. But no, there is a way **[https://www.foxnews.com/media/trump-tells-bronx-barbershop-what-he-would-do-differently-elected-second-time-its-all-about-people] *And my people told me about four weeks ago, I was saying, ‘No, I want to protect the people. I want to protect the women of our country. I want to protect the women.’<br>“‘Sir, please don’t say that.’<br>“They said, ‘We think it’s, it’s very inappropriate for you to say.’<br>“I pay these guys a lot of money. Can you believe it? Well, I’m going to do it whether the women like it or not. I’m going to protect them. **[https://www.huffpost.com/entry/donald-trump-protect-women-green-bay-rally_n_6722f2d1e4b02f5ab1d23299 Trump Says He Will Protect Women ‘Whether The Women Like It Or Not’] ''HuffPost'' (October 30, 2024) *She's a radical war hawk. Let's put her with a rifle standing there, with nine barrels shooting at her, okay? Let's see how she feels about it, you know, when the guns are trained on her face. **Referring to [[Liz Cheney]], reported in [https://www.reuters.com/world/us/trump-suggests-liz-cheney-should-face-firing-squad-her-foreign-policy-stance-2024-11-01/ Arizona prosecutor investigating Trump for saying Cheney should face gunfire] ''Reuters'' (October 31, 2024) ==== November 2024 ==== *I could’ve been anywhere I wanted to be. I could’ve had those waves smacking me in the face. That white, beautiful white skin that I have would be nice and tan. I got the whitest skin ’cause I never have time to go out in the sun. But I have that beautiful white, and you know what? It could’ve been beautiful, tanned, beautiful. **[https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-boasts-he-has-beautiful-white-skin-right-after-slamming-kamala-harris/ar-AA1tmtNv Trump Boasts He Has ‘Beautiful White Skin’ Right After Slamming Kamala Harris] ''MSN'' (November 2, 2024) *I shouldn’t have left. I mean, honestly, because we did so, we did so well. **[https://www.cnn.com/2024/11/03/politics/trump-dark-closing-message/index.html Trump says he ‘shouldn’t have left’ the White House as he closes campaign with increasingly dark message] ''CNN'' (November 3, 2024) * In many cases, our allies are worse than our so-called enemies. ** Claimed about allied NATO members and Russia, quoted in [https://tvpworld.com/83295959/us-elections-trump-calls-allies-worse-than-enemies "Trump claims US is being exploited by allies, calls them ‘worse than enemies’"], ''TVP World'' (November 3, 2024) *Now I want to take this opportunity to give you some advice. Over the course of your life, you will find that things are not always fair, you will find that things happen to you that you do not deserve, and that are not always warranted, but you have to put your head down, and FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! Never ever ever give up, things will work out just fine. Look at the way I've been treated lately, especially by the media. No politician in history, and I say this is great surety, has been treated worse, more unfairly. You can't let them get you down, you can't let the critics, and the naysayers get in the way of your dream. I guess that's why I won, thank you. I guess that's why we won. Adversity makes you stronger, don't give in, don't back down, and never stop doing what you know is right. Nothing worth doing, ever ever ever came easy, and the more righteous you fight, the more opposition that you will face. I've accomplished a tremendous amount, in a very short time as president. **Speech (November 6, 2024){{fact}} *Any Republican Senator seeking the coveted LEADERSHIP position in the United States Senate must agree to Recess Appointments (in the Senate!), without which we will not be able to get people confirmed in a timely manner. Sometimes the votes can take two years, or more. This is what they did four years ago, and we cannot let it happen again. We need positions filled IMMEDIATELY! **[https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/congress/trump-senate-majority-candidates-recess-appointments-rcna179515 Trump declares Senate majority candidates should allow him to make recess appointments] ''NBC News'' (November 10, 2024) ==== December 2024 ==== * I spoke to over 100 countries. You wouldn’t believe how many countries there are. ** 16 December 2024, [https://www.politico.com/news/2024/12/16/trump-defamation-polio-001230 Politico] and [https://edition.cnn.com/2024/12/17/politics/trump-honeymoon-analysis/index.html CNN] ===2025=== ====January 2025==== *The Fourteenth Amendment has always excluded from birthright citizenship persons who were born in the United States but not “subject to the jurisdiction thereof.” Consistent with this understanding, the Congress has further specified through legislation that “a person born in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof” is a national and citizen of the United States at birth, 8 U.S.C. 1401, generally mirroring the Fourteenth Amendment’s text.<br>Among the categories of individuals born in the United States and not subject to the jurisdiction thereof, the privilege of United States citizenship does not automatically extend to persons born in the United States: (1) when that person’s mother was unlawfully present in the United States and the father was not a United States citizen or lawful permanent resident at the time of said person’s birth, or (2) when that person’s mother’s presence in the United States at the time of said person’s birth was lawful but temporary (such as, but not limited to, visiting the United States under the auspices of the Visa Waiver Program or visiting on a student, work, or tourist visa) and the father was not a United States citizen or lawful permanent resident at the time of said person’s birth. **20 January 2025 action [https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/01/protecting-the-meaning-and-value-of-american-citizenship/ Protecting The Meaning And Value Of American Citizenship] *I’d like Egypt to take people. You're talking about probably a million and a half people, and we just clean out that whole thing and say, 'You know, it's over.’ **Regarding what to do with the Palestinian refugees currently on the Gaza Strip, quoted in [https://www.npr.org/2025/01/26/g-s1-44831/trump-jordan-egypt-accept-more-refugees-just-clean-out-gaza Trump wants Jordan and Egypt to accept more refugees to 'just clean out' Gaza] ''NPR'' (January 26, 2025) *Because I have common sense, OK, and unfortunately a lot of people don't. **When asked how he could come to the conclusion that FAA diversity policies had something to do with the fatal air disaster at Reagan Washington National Airport, quoted in [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/trump-evidence-appears-blame-faa-diversity-initiatives-factor/story?id=118272015 Trump goes on offensive against FAA diversity initiatives during DC crash briefing, prompts fierce backlash] ''ABC News'' (January 30, 2025) ===== Second Inaugural Address (January 20th, 2025) ===== *From this day forward, our country will flourish and be respected again all over the world. We will be the envy of every nation, and we will not allow ourselves to be taken advantage of any longer. During every single day of the Trump administration, I will very simply put America first. *My recent election is a mandate to completely and totally reverse a horrible betrayal and all of these many betrayals that have taken place and to give the people back their faith, their wealth, their democracy, and, indeed, their freedom. From this moment on, America’s decline is over. *Just a few months ago, in a beautiful Pennsylvania field, an assassin’s bullet ripped through my ear. But I felt then and believe even more so now that my life was saved for a reason. '''I was saved by God to Make America Great Again.''' *Today, I will sign a series of historic executive orders. With these actions, we will begin the complete restoration of America and the revolution of common sense. It’s all about common sense. *We will measure our success not only by the battles we win, but also by the wars that we end, and perhaps most importantly, the wars we never get into. My proudest legacy will be that of a peacemaker and unifier. That’s what I want to be. A peacemaker and a unifier. *I stand before you now as proof that you should never believe that something is impossible to do. In America, the impossible is what we do best. *We will stand bravely, we will live proudly, we will dream boldly, and nothing will stand in our way because we are Americans. The future is ours, and our golden age has just begun. **[https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Donald_Trump%27s_Inaugural_Address_(2025) Second inaugural address], 20 January 2025 ====February 2025==== [[File:Trump - Long Live the King.jpg|thumb|Manhattan, and all of New York, is SAVED. LONG LIVE THE KING!]] *They haven’t done that [attempted to assassinate Trump] and that would be a terrible thing for them to do. Not because of me— if they did that, they would be obliterated. That would be the end. I’ve left instructions, if they do it, they get obliterated, there won’t be anything left. **When questioned about Iran and proxies threatening to assassinate him after he signed executive order to put ‘maximum pressure’ on Iran, quoted in [https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/5126429-trump-iran-assassinate/ Trump warns he left instructions to ‘obliterate’ Iran if he is assassinated] ‘’The Hill’’ (February 4, 2025) *The only reason the Palestinians want to go back to Gaza is they have no alternative. It's right now a demolition site. This is just a demolition site. Virtually every building is down. They're living under fallen concrete that's very dangerous and very precarious. They instead can occupy all of a beautiful area with homes and safety and they can live out their lives in peace and harmony instead of having to go back and do it again. The US will take over the Gaza Strip and we will do a job with it too. We'll own it and be responsible for dismantling all of the dangerous unexploded bombs and other weapons on the site, level the site and get rid of the destroyed buildings, level it out. Create an economic development that will supply unlimited numbers of jobs and housing for the people of the area. Do a real job, do something different.<br>... So, by the United States, with its stability and strength, owning it, especially the strength that we're developing and developed over the last fairly short period of time, I would say really since the election, I think we'll be a great keeper of something that is very, very strong, very powerful and very, very good for the area, not just for Israel, for the entire Middle East.<br>... I do see a long-term ownership position and I see it bringing great stability to that part of the Middle East, and maybe the entire Middle East. And everybody I've spoken to - this was not a decision made lightly. Everybody I've spoken to loves the idea of the United States owning that piece of land, developing and creating thousands of jobs with something that will be magnificent in a really magnificent area that nobody would know. **Quoted from [https://www.middleeasteye.net/news/full-text-trump-and-netanyahus-explosive-news-conference Full text of Trump and Netanyahu's explosive news conference] ‘’Middle East Eye’’ (February 5, 2025) *We’re very disappointed with the judges that would make such a ruling. But we have a long way to go. We have to look, we have to find all of the fraud that’s going on. We have tremendous fraud, tremendous waste, and tremendous abuse, and theft, by the way. And the day you’re not allowed to look for theft and fraud, et cetera, then we don’t have much of a country. So, no judge should frankly be allowed to make that kind of a decision. It’s a disgrace. **In response to a reporter's question concerning the court order blocking DOGE from investigating the Treasury Department, quoted in [https://www.newsbreak.com/the-new-republic-1991457/3799841114310-trump-s-reaction-to-court-order-blocking-doge-is-as-ominous-as-it-gets Trump’s Reaction to Court Order Blocking DOGE Is as Ominous as It Gets] ''NewsBreak'' (February 10, 2025) *You know bullies? You know what a bully is, right? You know the bully, I’ve always ― and I found it throughout my life ― a bully is the weakest person. And they’re bullies. Hamas is bullies. The weakest people are bullies. You know that, right? **[https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/stunning-freudian-slip-trump-s-hot-take-on-bullies-leads-to-epic-self-own/ar-AA1ySPe3 'Stunning Freudian Slip': Trump's Hot Take On Bullies Leads To Epic 'Self Own'] ''HuffPost'' (February 12, 2025) *He who saves his Country does not violate any Law **15 February 2025 on [https://x.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1890831570535055759 X tweet] and ''Truth Social'', quoted in [https://www.the-independent.com/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-napoleon-saves-country-quote-rod-steiger-b2699102.html Trump suggests he’s above the law with ominous Napoleon quote] ''Independent'' (February 16, 2025) **A reference to a maxim attributed to [[Napoleon]] by [[Honoré de Balzac]], "Who saves his country violates no law" ("Celui qui sauve sa patrie ne viole aucune loi"). *The 14th Amendment Right of American Citizenship never had anything to do with modern day "gate crashers," illegal immigrants who break the Law by being in our Country, it had everything to do with giving Citizenship to former slaves. **16 February 2025 [https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/114014567906020636 post on TruthSocial], quoted same day by [https://nypost.com/2025/02/16/us-news/president-trump-sparks-meltdown-for-sharing-napoleon-quote/ Ryan King of New York Post] and [https://www.newsnationnow.com/politics/trump-14th-amendment-slaves-not-migrants/ Patrick Djordjevic of News Nation Now] *It’s called the Gulf of America now. It’s not called the Gulf of Mexico any longer. I have the right to do it. We are going to keep them out until such time that they agree it is the Gulf of America. **Referring to AP reporters being banned from the White House, referenced in [https://deadline.com/2025/02/trump-ap-gulf-of-mexico-1236294031/ Donald Trump Says White House Will Prohibit Associated Press From Events Until They Agree To Rename Gulf Of Mexico] ''Deadline'' (February 18, 2025) *I think I have the power to end this war, and I think it's going very well. But today I heard, 'Oh, well, we weren't invited.' Well, you've been there for three years. You should have never started it. You could have made a deal….</br>I could have made a deal for Ukraine that would have given them almost all of the land, everything, almost all of the land, and no people would have been killed, and no city would have been demolished, and not one dome would have been knocked down. But they chose not to do it that way. **[https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-says-ukraine-should-never-have-started-it-remarks-war-russia-rcna192710 Trump says Ukraine 'should have never started' war in Ukraine] ''NBC News'' (February 18, 2025) * [[w:Congestion pricing in New York City|CONGESTION PRICING]] IS DEAD. Manhattan, and all of New York, is SAVED. LONG LIVE THE KING! ** [https://x.com/WhiteHouse/status/1892295984928993698 message on the Official WhiteHouse X account (19 February 2025)] *Is Maine here, the governor of Maine?<br><I>Governor Janet Mills: I’m here.</i><br>Are you not going to comply with [the executive order signed on transgender athletes]?<br><I>Mills: I’m complying with state and federal laws.</i><br>We are the federal law. Well, you better do it, you better do it, because you’re not going to get any federal funding at all if you don’t.<br><I>Mills: We’re going to follow the law.</i><br>You’d better comply. Otherwise, you’re not getting any federal funding.<br><I>Mills: We’ll see you in court.</i><br>Good, I’ll see you in court. I look forward to that. That should be a real easy one. And enjoy your life after governor because I don’t think you’ll be in elected politics. **[https://www.nbcnews.com/nbc-out/out-politics-and-policy/trump-spars-maines-governor-white-house-transgender-athletes-rcna193244 Trump spars with Maine’s governor at the White House over transgender athletes] ''NBC News'' (February 21, 2025) ====March 2025==== [[File:Inthronisation von Donald Trump 2025-04-05.png|thumb|Well, [[w:Project 2025|there are plans]] … there are — not [[plans]] — [[w:Gleichschaltung|there are methods]] — there are methods which you could do it. … A lot of people want me to do it. … I'm not [[joking]]. I'm not joking.]] *The Golden Age of America has just begun! Over the past six weeks, our Administration has delivered on promises like no Administration before it, always putting America First! DOGE has been an incredible success, and now that we have my Cabinet in place, I have instructed the Secretaries and Leadership to work with DOGE on Cost Cutting measures and Staffing. As the Secretaries learn about, and understand, the people working for the various Departments, they can be very precise as to who will remain, and who will go. We say the "scalpel" rather than the "hatchet." The combination of them, Elon, DOGE, and other great people will be able to do things at a historic level. **[https://x.com/trump_repost/status/1897723225343508725 Trump Posts on 𝕏] (March 6, 2025) *Wow, that's beautiful. This is a different panel than I've ever — '''everything's computer!''' **When inspecting a Tesla Model S at the White House; quoted from [https://www.businessinsider.com/donald-trump-tesla-model-s-review-everythings-computer-2025-3 Donald Trump reviews Tesla Model S: 'Everything's computer'] ''Business Insider'' (Mar 11, 2025) *The ‘Pardons’ that Sleepy Joe Biden gave to the Unselect Committee of Political Thugs, and many others, are hereby declared VOID, VACANT, AND OF NO FURTHER FORCE OR EFFECT, because of the fact that they were done by Autopen. **Quoted from ''Truth Social'' in [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-says-bidens-pardons-jan-6-committee-are-void-used-autopen-rcna196670 Trump claims Biden's pardons for Jan. 6 committee are 'void' because he used an autopen] ''NBC News'' (March 17, 2025) *No District Court Judge, or any Judge, can assume the duties of the President of the United States. Only Crime and Chaos would result. **From Truth Social post, cited in [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/trump-administration/judges-stand-firm-trump-ramps-attacks-judiciary-rcna197287 Judges stand firm as Trump ramps up attacks on judiciary] ''NBC News'' (March 21, 2025) *I don’t know anything about it. I’m not a big fan of The Atlantic. To me, it’s a magazine that’s going out of business. I think it’s not much of a magazine, but I know nothing about it. What were they talking about?… <br>It couldn’t have been very effective because the attack was very effective. I can tell you that. I don’t know anything about it. You’re telling me about it for the first time. **When asked about the story of a reporter from The Atlantic receiving military strike plans against the Houthi rebels prior to the attack, as reported in [https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2025/3/24/a-shocking-breach-trump-officials-leak-military-attacks-to-the-atlantic ‘A shocking breach’: Trump officials leak Yemen attack plans in Signal chat] ''Al Jazeera'' (March 24, 2025) *It’s just something that can happen, it can happen. You can even prepare for it, it can happen. Sometimes people are hooked in and you don’t know they’re hooked in. … It’s not a perfect technology, there is no perfect technology.<br>We always want to use the best technology. This was the best technology for the moment. Again, it wasn’t classified so they probably viewed it as being something that wasn’t that important…<br>No, I don’t think (national security adviser Mike Waltz) should apologize. I think he’s doing his best. It’s equipment and technology that’s not perfect and probably he won’t be using it again. **When asked if anyone could be fired after The Atlantic editor Jeffrey Goldberg was invited to a group chat on ''Signal'' by national security adviser Mike Waltz, in which top officials discussed details of attacks in Yemen, as reported in [https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/5213462-trump-on-war-plans-group-chat-its-just-something-that-can-happen/ Trump on war plans group chat: ‘It’s just something that can happen’] ''The Hill'' (March 25, 2025) *What it was we believe is somebody that was on the line with permission, somebody that was with Mike Walz – worked for Mike Walz at a lower level, had I guess Goldberg's number, called through the app, and somehow this guy ended up on the call.<br>Now it wasn't classified as I understand it, there was no classified information, there was no problem and the attack was a tremendous success. So I can only go by what I've been told, I wasn't involved in it, but I was told by, and the other people weren't involved at all, but I feel very comfortable actually. **Explaining the reason for The Atlantic editor Jeffrey Goldberg being in a group chat discussing Houthi attack details, during an appearance on ''Newsmax'' taken from [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-reveals-how-signal-group-chat-leak-happened-atlantic-2050572 Donald Trump Reveals How Signal Group Chat Leak Happened] ''Newsweek'' (March 26, 2025) *There weren’t details, and there was nothing in there that compromised. And it had no impact on the attack, which was very successful. A thing like that — maybe Goldberg found a way. Maybe there’s a staffer, maybe there’s a very innocent staffer, but we’ll get — I think we’ll get to the bottom of it very quickly, and it’s really not a big deal. **Speaking on ''The Vince Show'' regarding Jeffery Goldberg's follow-up article in ''The Atlantic'' where he published the detailed text messages he received on the ''Signal'' app of the upcoming plans for the attack on the Houthis, quoted in [https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/5214890-trump-atlantic-signal-chat-response/ Trump reacts to new Atlantic messages: ‘Really not a big deal’] ''The Hill'' (March 26, 2025) *I don’t fire people because of fake news and because of witch hunts…<br>I think it’s just a witch hunt and the fake news, like you, talk about it all the time, but it’s just a witch hunt, and it shouldn’t be talked [about]. We had a tremendously successful strike. We struck very hard and very lethal. And nobody wants to talk about that. All they want to talk about is nonsense. It’s fake news. …<br>I have no idea what Signal is. I don’t care what Signal is. All I can tell you is it’s just a witch hunt, and it’s the only thing the press wants to talk about, because you have nothing else to talk about. Because it’s been the greatest 100-day presidency in the history of our country. **Speaking on the news coverage of the Houthi attack plans texted over the Signal app and divulged by Jeffery Goldberg of ''The Atlantic'', as reported in [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/rcna198731 Trump says he ‘couldn’t care less’ if foreign automakers raise prices due to tariffs] ''NBC News'' (March 29, 2025) *We’ll get Greenland. Yeah, 100%. ….<br>No, I never take military force off the table. But I think there's a good possibility that we could do it without military force. We have an obligation to protect the world. This is world peace, this is international security. And I have that obligation while I'm president. No, I don't take anything off the table. **From an interview with ''NBC News'' referenced in [https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2025/03/29/trump-greenland-military-force-denmark/82722287007/ Trump says U.S. will 'get Greenland,' military force may not be needed but not ruled out] ''USA Today'' (March 29,2025) * Well, [[w:Project 2025|there are plans]] … there are — not [[plans]] — [[w:Gleichschaltung|there are methods]] — there are methods which you could do it. … A lot of people want me to do it. … I'm not [[joking]]. I'm not joking. ** On the possibilities of having a third term as President, quoted in [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-third-term-white-house-methods-rcna198752 "Trump won’t rule out seeking a third term in the White House, tells NBC News ‘there are methods’ for doing so" ''NBC News'' (30 March 2025)]; also [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025/mar/30/trump-third-term-president "Trump says ‘there are methods' for seeking third term in White House" ''The Guardian'' (31 March 2025)] ===== Joint session address to Congress (4 March 2025) ===== [[File:President Trump speech to joint session of Congress, 2025.jpg|thumb|I stood beneath the dome of this Capitol and proclaimed the dawn of the golden age of America. From that moment on, it has been nothing but swift and unrelenting action to usher in the greatest and most successful era in the history of our country.]] :<small>[https://www.cnn.com/interactive/2025/03/politics/transcript-speech-trump-congress-annotated-dg/ "Trump’s 2025 joint session address, fact checked and annotated", ''CNN'' (5 March 2025)]</small> [[File:President Donald Trump delivers his Joint address to Congress, Tuesday, March 4, 2025, in the House Chamber of the U.S. Capitol in Washington, D.C..jpg|thumb|We've ended the [[tyranny]] of so-called [[diversity]], [[equity]] and [[w:Inclusion (education|inclusion]] policies all across the entire federal government, and indeed the private sector, and our military. And our country will be [[w:Woke|woke]] no longer.]] [[File:The White House - 54366787332.jpg|thumb|We need [[w:Greenland|Greenland]] for national security and even international security. And we're working with everybody involved to try and get it. <br /> But we need it really for international world security. And I think we're going to get it. One way or the other, we're going to get it.]] * America is back.<br /> Six weeks ago, I stood beneath the dome of this Capitol and proclaimed the dawn of the golden age of America. From that moment on, it has been nothing but swift and unrelenting action to usher in the greatest and most successful era in the history of our country. <br /> We have accomplished more in 43 days than most administrations accomplished in four years, or eight years, and we are just getting started. * The American dream is unstoppable, and our country is on the verge of a comeback the likes of which the world has never witnessed and perhaps will never witness again. There's never been anything like it. <br /> The presidential election of November 5 was a mandate like has not been seen in many decades. We won all seven swing states, giving us an electoral college victory of 312 votes. * Over the past six weeks, I have signed nearly 100 executive orders and taken more than 400 executive actions — a record — to restore common sense, safety, optimism and wealth all across our wonderful land. The people elected me to do the job, and I'm doing it. * In fact, it has been stated by many that the first month of our presidency — it's our presidency — is the most successful in the history of our nation. And what makes it even more impressive is that, do you know No. 2 is? [[George Washington]]. How about that? I don't know about that list. But we'll take it. * Within hours of taking the oath of office, I declared a national emergency on our southern border, and I deployed the US military and border patrol to repel the invasion of our country. And what a job they've done. As a result, illegal border crossings last month were by far the lowest ever recorded. Ever.<br /> They heard my words and they chose not to come — much easier that way. In comparison, under Joe Biden, the worst president in American history, there were hundreds of thousands of illegal crossings a month, and virtually all of them, including murderers, drug dealers, gang members and people from mental institutions and insane asylums, were released into our country. Who would want to do that? * Every day, my administration is fighting to deliver the change America needs, to bring a future that America deserves, and we're doing it. This is a time for big dreams and bold action. Upon taking office, I imposed an immediate freeze on all federal hiring, a freeze on all new federal regulations and a freeze on all foreign aid. <br /> I terminated the ridiculous green new scam. I withdrew from the unfair Paris Climate Accord, which was costing us trillions of dollars that other countries were not paying. I withdrew from the corrupt World Health Organization. And I also withdrew from the anti-American UN Human Rights Council. * We ordered all federal workers to return to the office. They will either show up for work in person or be removed from their job. <br /> And we've ended weaponized government, where, as an example, a sitting president is allowed to viciously prosecute his political opponent, like me. How did that work out? Not too good. Not too good. * I've stopped all [[government]] [[censorship]] and brought back [[free speech]] in America. It's back. <br /> And two days ago, I signed an order making [[English language|English]] the official [[language]] of the [[United States of America]]. <br /> I renamed the [[w:Gulf of Mexico|Gulf of Mexico]] the Gulf of America. And likewise, I renamed, for a great president, [[William McKinley]], [[w:Denali|Mount McKinley]], again. Beautiful [[Alaska]], we love Alaska. <br /> We've ended the [[tyranny]] of so-called [[diversity]], [[equity]] and [[w:Inclusion (education|inclusion]] policies all across the entire federal government, and indeed the private sector, and our military. And our country will be [[w:Woke|woke]] no longer. * To further combat inflation, we will not only be reducing the cost of energy, but will be ending the flagrant waste of taxpayer dollars. <br /> And to that end, I have created the brand-new Department of Government Efficiency, DOGE. Perhaps you've heard of it. Perhaps. <br /> Which is headed by [[Elon Musk]], who is in the gallery tonight. Thank you Elon, you're working very hard. He didn't need this. He didn't need this. Thank you very much. We appreciate it. <br /> Everybody here, even this side, appreciates it, I believe. They just don't want to admit that. * I want to do what has not been done in 24 years: balance the federal budget — we're going to balance it. <br /> With that goal in mind, we have developed in great detail what we are calling the gold card, which goes on sale very, very soon. For $5 million we will allow the most successful, job-creating people from all over the world to buy a path to US citizenship. It's like the green card, but better and more sophisticated. * We're getting wokeness out of our schools and out of our military, and it's already out, and it's out of our society. We don't want it. Wokeness is troubled. Wokeness is bad. It's gone. It's gone. And we feel so much better for it, don't we? Don't we feel better? * To further enhance our national security, my administration will be reclaiming the Panama Canal, and we've already started doing it. <br /> Just today, a large American company announced they are buying both ports around the Panama Canal and lots of other things having to do with the Panama Canal and a couple of other canals. * I also have a message tonight for the incredible people of [[w:Greenland|Greenland]]. We strongly support your right to determine your own future. And if you choose, we welcome you into the United States of America. We need Greenland for national security and even international security. And we're working with everybody involved to try and get it. <br /> But we need it really for international world security. And I think we're going to get it. One way or the other, we're going to get it. We will keep you safe. We will make you rich, and together we will take Greenland to heights like you have never thought possible before. It's a very small population, but a very, very large piece of land and very, very important for military security. * Earlier today, I received an important letter from President Zelensky of Ukraine. The letter reads, "Ukraine is ready to come to the negotiating table as soon as possible to bring lasting peace closer." "Nobody wants peace more than the Ukrainians," he said. "My team and I stand ready to work under President Trump's strong leadership to get a peace that lasts. We do really value how much America has done to help Ukraine maintain its sovereignty and independence. Regarding the agreement on minerals and security, Ukraine is ready to sign it at any time that is convenient for you." <br /> I appreciate that he sent this letter, just got it a little while ago. Simultaneously, we've had serious discussions with Russia and have received strong signals that they are ready for peace. Wouldn't that be beautiful? Wouldn't that be beautiful? * Now it is our time to take up the righteous cause of American liberty. And it is our turn to take America's destiny into our own hands and begin the most thrilling days in the history of our country. <br /> This will be our greatest era. With God's help over the next four years, we are going to lead this nation even higher. <br /> And we are going to forge the freest, most advanced, most dynamic and most dominant civilization ever to exist on the face of this Earth. <br /> We are going to create the highest quality of life, build the safest and wealthiest and healthiest and most vital communities anywhere in the world. <br /> We are going to conquer the vast frontiers of science, and we are going to lead humanity into space and plant the American flag on the planet Mars, and even far beyond. <br /> And through it all, we are going to rediscover the unstoppable power of the American spirit. And we are going to renew unlimited promise of the American dream. Every single day we will stand up and we will fight, fight, fight for the country our citizens believe in, and for the country our people deserve. <br /> My fellow Americans, get ready for an incredible future because the golden age of America has only just begun. <br /> It will be like nothing that has ever been seen before. ====April 2025==== *I call it a lot of different names, but it's really, in a sense, it's a rebirth of a country because how we could have afforded to do what we did, we helped everybody and they don't help us. The term I like best probably is the liberation of America.<br>It's a liberation of this country because it's incredible. Look, we have 36 trillion in debt for a reason and that accumulates over a long period of time. What you're going to be seeing over the next couple of days will be very inspiring to a lot of people. **Regarding the round of tariffs expected to be enforced on most imported goods beginning April 2nd as referenced in [https://www.tribuneindia.com/news/united-states/trump-says-india-will-substantially-cut-tariffs-signals-major-us-tariff-moves/ "Trump says India will 'substantially' cut tariffs, signals major US tariff moves"] ''The Tribune'' (April 1, 2025) *We are going to be very nice, relatively speaking. We are going to be very kind....<br>Somebody said that about me the other day, who doesn’t know me very well. They said — ‘You are such a kind person’ and I said, ‘Say that again.’ They said, ‘You are a kind person.’ I said, ‘I’ve never heard that before.’ **Speaking on the severity of the tariffs as reported in [https://www.cnn.com/2025/04/01/politics/trump-tariffs-liberation-day-oval-office/index.html Trump has the world on edge as he mulls fateful tariffs decades in the making] ''CNN'' (April 1, 2025)[https://www.huffpost.com/entry/stephen-colbert-trump-weird-confession_n_67ece159e4b048fde6fe94e3] *THE OPERATION IS OVER! THE PATIENT LIVED, AND IS HEALING. THE PROGNOSIS IS THAT THE PATIENT WILL BE FAR STRONGER, BIGGER, BETTER, AND MORE RESILIENT THAN EVER BEFORE. MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN! **Posted on Truth Social following the implementation of sweeping tariffs as reported in [https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/world/us/us-and-world/the-operation-is-over-the-patient-lived-donald-trump-after-shaking-global-economies-with-us-tariffs/articleshow/119949495.cms ‘The operation is over, the patient lived’: Donald Trump after shaking global economies with US tariffs] ''The Times of India'' (April 3, 2025) *I think it's going very well. It was an operation, like when a patient gets operated on and it's a big thing. I said this would exactly be the way it is....<br>The markets are going to boom, the stock is going to boom, the country is going to boom, and the rest of the world wants to see is there any way they can make a deal. They've taken advantage of us for many, many years. For many years we've been at the wrong side of the ball. And I'll tell you what, I think it's going to be unbelievable. **When asked how things were going after a drop in the stock market the first day after Trump's tariff announcement as reported in [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/trust-president-trump-white-house-defending-tariffs-amid/story?id=120449641 Trump says ‘it’s going very well’ after tariffs roil markets] ''ABC News'' (April 3, 2025) *TO THE MANY INVESTORS COMING INTO THE UNITED STATES AND INVESTING MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF MONEY, MY POLICIES WILL NEVER CHANGE. THIS IS A GREAT TIME TO GET RICH, RICHER THAN EVER BEFORE!!! **Posted on ''Truth Social'' following the announcement of his worldwide tariffs policy and the resulting sharp sell-off in the stock market a day later as reported in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025/apr/04/trump-tariffs-truth-social Trump insists he won’t back down from global trade war as markets slump] ''The Guardian'' (April 4, 2025) *...We are bringing back jobs and businesses like never before. Already, more than FIVE TRILLION DOLLARS OF INVESTMENT, and rising fast! THIS IS AN ECONOMIC REVOLUTION, AND WE WILL WIN. HANG TOUGH, it won’t be easy, but the end result will be historic. We will, MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!!! **[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/114285375813275308 Truth Social] (April 5, 2025) *It's the only chance we're going to have to reset the table on trade, and when we do, we're going to come out unbelievably well. We're going to have a strong country economically again and we're going to have those factories that are empty all over the United States. **Indicating there would be no change of course regarding tariff plan, reported in [https://abc7chicago.com/post/donald-trump-tariff-formula-team-cites-chicago-economist-brent-neimans-work-he-says-math-doesnt-check/16141896/ Trump tariff team cites Chicago economist's work, but he says their math doesn't check out] ''ABC7 Chicago'' (April 7, 2025) *We’re dealing with them directly and maybe a deal is going to be made. Doing a deal would be preferable to doing the obvious.<br>Iran is going to be in great danger, and I hate to say it…. Iran cannot have a nuclear weapon, and if the talks aren’t successful, I think it’s going to be a very bad day for Iran. **Referring to upcoming talks with Iran about their nuclear capability, taken from [https://time.com/7275589/trump-iran-nuclear-program-talk/ Trump Says U.S. Will Have Direct Talks With Iran About Nuclear Program] ''TIME'' (April 7, 2025)[https://www.express.co.uk/news/world/2038962/us-could-be-bombing-iran] * There can be permanent tariffs and there can also be negotiations, because there are things that we need beyond tariffs. '''We need open borders.'''[https://www.yahoo.com/news/cognitive-decline-trump-calls-open-202617475.html] *I thought that people were jumping a little bit out of line. They were getting yippy. You know, they were getting a little bit yippy, a little bit afraid…. Over the last few days it looked pretty glum… You have to be flexible. You have to be able to show a little flexibility. And I'm able to do that. **Reasons given for pausing his tariff plan for 90 days for all countries except China, reported in [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/trump-explains-dramatic-reversal-tariffs-people-bit-afraid/story?id=120651386 Trump explains dramatic reversal on tariffs: People getting 'a little bit afraid'] ''ABC News'' (April 9.2025) *I’m not asking for much ... but they can't have a nuclear weapon.<br>If it requires military, we're going to have military. Israel will, obviously, be ... the leader of that. No one leads us. We do what we want.<br>I don't want to be specific. But when you start talks, you know if they're going along well or not. And I would say the conclusion would be when I think they're not going along well. **[https://www.usnews.com/news/world/articles/2025-04-09/trump-repeats-threat-to-use-military-force-if-iran-does-not-agree-to-nuclear-deal Trump Repeats Threat to Use Military Force if Iran Does Not Agree to Nuclear Deal] ''US News'' (April 9, 2025) *In my case, I like to take a nice shower, take care of my beautiful hair.... I have to stand under the shower for 15 minutes until it gets wet. It comes out drip, drip, drip. It’s ridiculous. **While signing an executive order repealing limits to the flow of water to bathroom showers, taken from [https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2025/4/10/make-showers-great-again-why-trumps-fighting-bathroom-water-pressure ‘Make showers great again’: Why Trump’s fighting bathroom water pressure] ''Al Jazeera'' (April 10, 2025) *China wants to make a deal. They just don't know how quite to go about it. You know, it's one of those things they don't know quite. They're proud people and President Xi's a proud man. I know him very well. And they don't know quite how to go about it, but they'll figure it out. **Indicating he is waiting for China to call him regarding the recently imposed tariffs, reported in [https://www.pbs.org/weta/washingtonweek/video/2025/04/washington-week-with-the-atlantic-full-episode-41125 Washington Week with The Atlantic full episode, 4/11/25] ''Washington Week'' (April 11, 2025)[https://www.cnn.com/2025/04/10/politics/trump-xi-china-tariffs/index.html] *Homegrown criminals next. I said homegrowns are next, the homegrowns. You gotta build about five more [prisons]…. [The notorious Salvadoran mega-prison] is not big enough… If it's a homegrown criminal, I have no problem. Now we're studying the laws right now, Pam [Bondi] is studying. If we can do that, that's good…. And I'm talking about violent people. I'm talking about really bad people. Really bad people. Every bit as bad as the ones coming in. **Speaking to El Salvador's President Nayib Bukele, referring to US citizens accused of crimes being the next ones sent to Salvadoran prisons, reported in [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/homegrowns-trump-doubles-sending-convicted-us-citizens-foreign/story?id=120802863 'Homegrowns are next': Trump doubles down on sending American 'criminals' to foreign prisons] ''ABC News'' (April 14, 2025) * Everyone knows that Harvard has “lost its way.” * Harvard has been hiring almost all woke, Radical Left, idiots and ‘birdbrains’ who are only capable of teaching FAILURE to students and so-called ‘future leaders * Harvard can no longer be considered even a decent place of learning, and should not be considered on any list of the World’s Great Universities or Colleges. Harvard is a JOKE, teaches Hate and Stupidity, and should no longer receive Federal Funds. ** [https://www.thefire.org/news/revoking-harvards-tax-exempt-status-will-threaten-all-nonprofits "Revoking Harvard’s tax-exempt status will threaten all nonprofits"], ''The Fire'' (April 18, 2025) * As you know, the cost of eggs has come down like 93, 94% since we took office. ** [https://edition.cnn.com/2025/04/23/politics/price-of-eggs-gas-trump-fact-check/index.html "Fact check: Trump lies about the price of eggs, groceries and gas"], ''CNN'' (April 23, 2025) *I am not happy with the Russian strikes on KYIV. Not necessary, and very bad timing. Vladimir, STOP! **Taken from ''Truth Social'' as reported in [https://abcnews.go.com/International/russia-launches-massive-deadly-strike-kyiv-ukrainian-authorities/story?id=121113739 'Vladimir, STOP!' Trump says to Putin after deadliest Russian strike on Kyiv in months] ''ABC News'' (April 24, 2025) *The first time, I had two things to do—run the country and survive; I had all these crooked guys. And the second time, I run the country and the world.” **In response to what felt different about his second term compared to the first, quoted in [https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2025/06/trump-second-term-comeback/682573/ ‘I RUN THE COUNTRY AND THE WORLD’ Donald Trump believes he’s invincible. But the cracks are beginning to show] ''The Atlantic'' (April 28, 2025) * Great Pollster John McLaughlin, one of the most highly respected in the industry, has just stated that The Failing New York Times Poll, and the ABC/Washington Post Poll, about a person named DONALD J. TRUMP, ME, are FAKE POLLS FROM FAKE NEWS ORGANIZATIONS. The New York Times has only 37% Trump 2024 voters, and the ABC/Washington Post Poll has only 34% Trump Voters, unheard of numbers unless looking for a negative result, which they are. These people should be investigated for ELECTION FRAUD, and add in the FoxNews Pollster while you’re at it. They are Negative Criminals who apologize to their subscribers and readers after I WIN ELECTIONS BIG, much bigger than their polls showed I would win, loose a lot of credibility, and then go on cheating and lying for the next cycle, only worse. They suffer from Trump Derangement Syndrome, and there is nothing that anyone, or anything, can do about it. THEY ARE SICK, almost only write negative stories about me no matter how well I am doing (99.9% at the Border, BEST NUMBER EVER!), AND ARE TRULY THE ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE! I wish them well, but will continue to fight to, MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN! ** [https://www.axios.com/2025/04/28/trump-approval-ratings-slams-polls-truth-social "Trump lashes out against "fake polls" as his approval ratings sink"], ''Axios'' (April 28, 2025) * I am the candidate of peace. ** [https://www.theguardian.com/world/2025/apr/28/us-escalation-yemen-civilian-casualties "Trump promised peace but brings rapid increase in civilian casualties to Yemen"] ''The Guardian'' (April 28, 2025) [[File:Pope Trump AI by Donald Trump.png|thumb|I'd like to be [[pope]]. That would be my number one choice.]] * I'd like to be pope. That would be my number one choice. No — I don't know, I have no preference. I must say we have a cardinal that happens to be out of a place called New York who's very good. ** Response to being asked after the death of [[Pope Francis]] who he would like to be the next Pope (29 April 2025); as quoted in [https://www.npr.org/2025/05/04/nx-s1-5386516/catholic-leaders-criticize-trump-ai-pope-photo?utm_term=nprnews&utm_campaign=npr&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com "Catholic leaders criticize Trump for posting apparent AI photo of himself as the pope", ''NPR'' (4 May 2025)] *PRESIDENT TRUMP: (Referring to a photo of what was tattooed on Abrego Garcia's knuckles:) M-S-1-3 -- It says M-S-one-three.<br>INTERVIEWER TERRY MORAN: I -- that was Photoshop….<br>PRESIDENT TRUMP: That was Photoshop?… Do you want me to show the picture?<br>TERRY MORAN: I saw the picture. We'll agree to disagree --<br>PRESIDENT TRUMP: Oh, and you think it was Photoshop…. Go look at his hand. He had MS-13 --<br>TERRY MORAN: Fair enough, he did have tattoos that can be interpreted that way. I'm not an expert on them….<br>PRESIDENT TRUMP: Terry, no, no. No, no. He had MS as clear as you can be. Not "interpreted." This is why people no longer believe the news, because it's fake news.<br>TERRY MORAN: ...When he was photographed in El Salvador, they aren't there…. Take a look at the photograph —<br>PRESIDENT TRUMP: But they're there now, right?… But they're there now?<br>TERRY MORAN: They're in your picture.<br>PRESIDENT TRUMP: Terry He's got MS-13 on his knuckles…. you do such a disservice —<br>TERRY MORAN: We'll take a look. We'll take a look at that, sir —<br>PRESIDENT TRUMP: Why don't you just say, "Yes, he does," and, you know, go on to something else -- **[https://abcnews.go.com/US/full-transcript-trumps-exclusive-100-days-broadcast-interview/story?id=121291672 FULL TRANSCRIPT: Trump's exclusive 100 days broadcast interview with ABC News] ''ABC News'' (April 29, 2025)[https://www.yahoo.com/news/fact-check-trumps-photo-abrego-001600628.html] *Everybody's gonna be just fine. It wouldn't have been if I didn't do this. I had a choice. I could leave it, have a nice, easy time. But I think ultimately you would've had an implosion. Our country had inflation that was worse than they've ever had it before.<br>You don't mention that. Why don't you mention that? We had the worst inflation probably in the history of our country. People say 48 years, probably in the history of our country we had the worst inflation. And people were dying over the inflation. You know that. Now the grocery prices are coming down. The energy prices are coming down. Gasoline's coming down. It's all heading in the right direction. **In response to a question over the concern about the effect of the tariffs, taken from [https://abcnews.go.com/US/full-transcript-trumps-exclusive-100-days-broadcast-interview/story?id=121291672 FULL TRANSCRIPT: Trump's exclusive 100 days broadcast interview with ABC News] ''ABC News'' (April 29, 2025) *We're going to have something that you won't even believe. We will end inflation, slash prices. We've already ended inflation, raise wages, and give you the greatest economy in the history of the world. **[https://uk.news.yahoo.com/trump-teases-biggest-bill-ever-021733041.html Trump Teases 'Biggest Bill Ever Passed' and 'Military Supremacy' During Anniversary Rally] ''Yahoo! News'' (April 29, 2025) *This is Biden’s Stock Market, not Trump’s… I didn’t take over until January 20th. Tariffs will soon start kicking in, and companies are starting to move into the USA in record numbers…. Our Country will boom, but we have to get rid of the Biden 'Overhang. This will take a while, has NOTHING TO DO WITH TARIFFS, only that he left us with bad numbers, but when the boom begins, it will be like no other. BE PATIENT!!! **From Truth Social reported in [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-pins-stock-market-struggles-biden-weeks-taking-credit-rcna203702 Trump puts market struggles on Biden as economy shrinks under his watch] ''NBC News'' (April 30, 2025) *You probably saw some numbers today, and I have to start off by saying that’s Biden — that’s not Trump — because we came in on January. We came in and I was very against everything that Biden was doing in terms of the economy. … We took over his mess in so many different ways.<br>I’m not taking credit or discredit for the stock market. I’m just saying we inherited a mess…. We came in on Jan. 20, so this is Biden. And you can even say the next quarter is, sort of, Biden, because it doesn’t just happen on a daily or an hourly basis, but we’re turning it around. It’s a big ship to turn around. **In remarks during a meeting with his Cabinet, reported in [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-pins-stock-market-struggles-biden-weeks-taking-credit-rcna203702 Trump puts market struggles on Biden as economy shrinks under his watch] ''NBC News'' (April 30, 2025) *You know, somebody said, ‘Oh, the shelves are going to be open.’ Well, maybe the children will have two dolls instead of 30 dolls. So maybe the two dolls will cost a couple bucks more than they would normally. **More remarks during his Cabinet meeting, reported in [https://apnews.com/article/trump-economy-tariffs-gdp-7494825851dcef94ec81475124f9326f Trump says US kids may get ‘2 dolls instead of 30,’ but China will suffer more in a trade war] 'AP News' (April 30, 2025) ===== Liberation Day tariff announcements (2 April 2025) ===== Announced from the Rose Garden at the White House:[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/trumps-liberation-day-arrives-gambles-big-risky-tariff/story?id=120382209] [https://nypost.com/2025/04/02/us-news/trump-slaps-at-least-10-tariffs-on-all-imports-in-declaration-of-economic-independence-half-of-what-they-could-be] [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/donald-trump-tariffs-great-depression-fdr-b2726461.html][https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E6uFW0gHwXU][https://singjupost.com/transcript-of-president-trump-remarks-at-liberation-day-event-april-2-2025/?singlepage=1] *My fellow Americans, this is Liberation Day… April 2nd, 2025, will forever be remembered as the day American industry was reborn, the day America's destiny was reclaimed and the day that we began to make America wealthy again. *For decades, our country has been looted, pillaged, raped and plundered by nations near and far, both friend and foe alike. * Taxpayers have been ripped off for more than 50 years, but it is not going to happen anymore. *This is one of the most important days, in my opinion, in American history. It’s our declaration of economic independence. …now it’s our turn to prosper and in so doing use trillions and trillions of dollars to reduce our taxes and pay down our national debt and it will all happen very quickly. With today’s action we are finally going to be able to make America great again, greater than ever before. *Jobs and factories will come roaring back into our country, and you see it happening already. We will supercharge our domestic industrial base. We will pry open foreign markets and break down foreign trade barriers. And ultimately, more production at home will mean stronger competition and lower prices for consumers. This will be indeed the golden age of America. It’s coming back and we’re going to come back very strongly. *From 1789 to 1913, we were a tariff-backed nation and the United States was proportionately the wealthiest it has ever been. So wealthy, in fact, that in the 1880s, they established a commission to decide what they were going to do with the vast sums of money they were collecting….<br>Then in 1913, for reasons unknown to mankind, they established the income tax so that citizens rather than foreign countries would start paying the money necessary to run our government. Then in 1929, it all came to a very abrupt end with the Great Depression, and it would have never happened if they had stayed with the tariff policy. It would have been a much different story.<br>They tried to bring back tariffs to save our country, but it was gone. It was gone. It was too late. Nothing could have been done. It took years and years to get out of that depression, far longer than even FDR had that office right over there for a long period of time. *We will charge them approximately half of what they are and have been charging us because we are being very kind. This is not full reciprocal. This is kind reciprocal. *In short, chronic trade deficits are no longer merely an economic problem. They're a national emergency that threatens our security and our very way of life. It's a very great threat to our country. *These tariffs are going to give us growth like you haven’t seen before. And it’ll be something very special to watch. ====May 2025==== [[File:AI Donald Trump Star Wars.jpg|thumb|You’re not [[w:Rebel Alliance|the Rebellion]] — you’re [[w:Galactic Empire (Star Wars)|the Empire]].]] *They all hated me in my first term, and now they’re kissing my ass. **Trump bragging about how tech moguls have warmed up to him, reported in [https://apnews.com/article/trump-alabama-commencement-address-protests-6bcea5b4058c819c26a8135b41d73dd1 Trump offers advice to University of Alabama graduates in speech interspersed with politics] 'AP News' (May 1, 2025) * The courts are trying to stop me from doing the job that I was elected to do. ** [https://edition.cnn.com/2025/05/02/politics/ketanji-brown-jackson-trump-judges "Politico: Ketanji Brown Jackson warns Trump’s rhetoric against judges are ‘attacks on our democracy’"] ''CNN'' (May 2, 2025) * [[w:Star Wars Day|Happy May the 4th]] to all, including the Radical Left Lunatics who are fighting so hard to to bring [[w:Sith|Sith Lords]], Murderers, Drug Lords, Dangerous Prisoners, & well known MS-13 Gang Members, back into our Galaxy. You’re not [[w:Rebel Alliance|the Rebellion]] — you’re [[w:Galactic Empire (Star Wars)|the Empire]]. <br /> May the 4th be with you. ** [https://x.com/WhiteHouse/status/1919053040734072844 Star Wars Day message on the Official WhiteHouse X account (4 May 2025)], accompanied by an AI generated image of Trump with a body-builder physique, wielding a [[w:Lightsaber|red lightsaber]] (which in [[Star Wars]] lore is emblematic of the often deceitful and profoundly evil [[w:Sith|Sith]] manifesting the "Dark side" of [[the Force]]). *<b>I don't know.</b> I have to respond by saying, again, I have brilliant lawyers that work for me, and they are going to obviously follow what the Supreme Court said. What you said is not what I heard the Supreme Court said. They have a different interpretation. **When asked whether he, as president, needs to abide by the Constitution and the rights it provides to people in the U.S., as reported in [https://www.npr.org/2025/05/04/g-s1-64239/does-a-president-need-to-uphold-the-constitution-trump-says-i-dont-know Does a president need to uphold the Constitution? Trump says 'I don't know'] ''NPR'' (May 4, 2025) *I think the good parts are the ‘Trump economy’ and the bad parts are the ‘Biden economy’ because he’s done a terrible job…. I was able to get down the costs. But even that, it takes a while to get them down. But we got them down good....<br>I’ve only just been here for a little more than three months. But the stock market, look at what’s happened in the last short period of time. Didn’t it have nine or 10 days in a row, or 11 days, where it’s gone up? And the tariffs have just started kicking in. And we’re doing really well. **In response to the question: ‘When does it become the Trump economy?’, quoted from [https://www.cnn.com/2025/05/04/business/trump-economy-tariffs-powell Trump says good parts of US economy are ‘Trump economy,’ bad parts are ‘Biden economy’] CNN (May 4 2025) * ‘Too Late’ Jerome Powell is a FOOL, who doesn’t have a clue. ** Claimed about the Chairman of the United States Federal Reserve, quoted in [https://www.cnbc.com/2025/05/08/trump-calls-fed-chair-jerome-powell-a-fool-after-central-bank-keeps-rates-steady.html "Trump calls Fed Chair Jerome Powell a ‘fool’ after central bank keeps rates steady"], ''CNBC'' (May 8, 2025) *(U.S. ports slowing down) means we lose less money, you know? When I see that, that means we lose less money…. And frankly if we didn’t do business (with China), we would have been better off. So, when you say it slowed down, that’s a good thing, not a bad thing. **Responding to a reporter saying that traffic at U.S. ports “has really slowed, and now thousands of dockworkers and truck drivers are worried about their jobs”, quoted in [https://www.yahoo.com/news/trump-exposes-own-idiocy-looming-171025385.html?guccounter=1&guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZ29vZ2xlLmNvbS8&guce_referrer_sig=AQAAAAwAaX7rRwkUgizDt6XV1AOwYrv_ZMeBvHcxEMpvwsTm5lgFGs-RnNK7Brf0slvaI0V7WM6BAq1bFaEnDYKIOA9VnIsUr1OTy57i7_-oXYOG-Ti5H0ZkMgFatc6W-Oemxe82QXdtzNGQy_NC4PvCUlAd8MeWzovIDQhPgQAuh6I3 Trump Exposes Own Idiocy With Comment About Looming Shortages] ''Yahoo! News'' (May 8, 2025) *So the fact that the Defense Department is getting a GIFT, FREE OF CHARGE, of a 747 aircraft to replace the 40 year old Air Force One, temporarily, in a very public and transparent transaction, so bothers the Crooked Democrats that they insist we pay, TOP DOLLAR, for the plane. Anybody can do that! The Dems are World Class Losers!!! MAGA. **From ''Truth Social'' regarding a potential gift of a $400 million "palace in the sky" airplane from the Qatari government for Trump's use, reported in [https://thearabweekly.com/brewing-controversy-surrounds-qatars-intent-lavish-luxury-jet-trump Brewing controversy surrounds Qatar’s intent to lavish luxury jet on Trump] ''The Arab Weekly'' (May 12, 2025) *I think it's a great gesture from Qatar. I appreciate it very much. I would never be one to turn down that kind of an offer.<br>I mean, I could be a stupid person, say, 'No, we don't want a free, very expensive airplane.' I thought it was a great gesture.<br>…They're giving us a free jet. I could say, 'No, no, no, don't give us. I want to pay you a billion or $400 million, or whatever it is.' Or I could say, 'Thank you very much.' **Speaking to reporters at the White House regarding accepting a gift of a $400 million 747 airplane from Qatar, quoted in [https://www.axios.com/2025/05/12/trump-qatar-jet-free-plane-air-force-one Trump says it would be "stupid" not to accept free jet from Qatar] ''Axios'' (May 12, 2025) * European Union is in many ways nastier than China, okay. ** [https://www.politico.eu/article/trump-eu-nastier-than-china/ "Trump: The EU is ‘nastier than China’"], ''Politico'' (May 12, 2025) *Oh, what I do for the crown prince. The sanctions were brutal and crippling and served as an important, really an important function, nevertheless, at the time. But now it's their time to shine. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/trump-heaps-praise-saudi-crown-prince-touts-economic/story?id=121758613 Trump heaps praise on Saudi Crown Prince MBS as he touts economic development] ''ABC News'' (May 13, 2025) * I see that Highly Overrated Bruce Springsteen goes to a Foreign Country to speak badly about the President of the United States. Never liked him, never liked his music, or his Radical Left Politics and, importantly, he's not a talented guy - Just a pushy, obnoxious JERK * Has anyone noticed that, since I said 'I HATE TAYLOR SWIFT,' she’s no longer 'HOT? ** [https://eu.usatoday.com/story/entertainment/celebrities/2025/05/16/trump-calls-bruce-springsteen-obnoxious-jerk/83671059007/ "Trump calls Bruce Springsteen 'obnoxious jerk' after singer voiced criticism at concert"], ''USA Today'' (May 16, 2025) *...The biggest crime of all is that THE 2020 PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION WAS RIGGED! I (MAGA!) WON THE ELECTION BY MILLIONS OF VOTES, AND EVERYONE KNOWS IT. GOD BLESS AMERICA, FOR THE FIGHT HAS JUST BEGUN!!! **From ''Truth Social'' as reported in [https://www.mediaite.com/news/trump-goes-on-early-morning-ragefest-over-autopen-and-rigged-and-stolen-election/ Trump Goes On Early-Morning Ragefest Over ‘AUTOPEN’ And ‘RIGGED AND STOLEN’ Election] ''Mediaite'' (May 17, 2025) * They have a term, ‘grocery.’ It’s an old term, but it means basically what you’re buying: food. It’s a pretty accurate term, but it’s an old-fashioned sound, but groceries are down. * Costs are down, eggs are down. They were, first week they were hitting me with ‘Eggs were up 200%’ and now they’re down to a number that is amazing. We’re down 97, 98% from where they were. ** [https://www.yahoo.com/news/people-left-flabbergasted-trumps-explanation-213256638.html "People Left Flabbergasted By Trump's Explanation Of 1 English Word To UAE President"], ''Yahoo News / Huffington Post'' (May 15, 2025) * Walmart should STOP trying to blame Tariffs as the reason for raising prices throughout the chain. Walmart made BILLIONS OF DOLLARS last year, far more than expected. Between Walmart and China they should, as is said, “EAT THE TARIFFS,” and not charge valued customers ANYTHING. I’ll be watching, and so will your customers!!! ** [https://www.cnbc.com/2025/05/17/trump-tells-walmart-to-eat-the-tariffs.html "Trump tells Walmart to ‘eat the tariffs’ after retailer warned it will raise prices"], ''CNBC'' (May 17, 2025) *HOW MUCH DID KAMALA HARRIS PAY BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN FOR HIS POOR PERFORMANCE DURING HER CAMPAIGN FOR PRESIDENT? WHY DID HE ACCEPT THAT MONEY IF HE IS SUCH A FAN OF HERS? ISN’T THAT A MAJOR AND ILLEGAL CAMPAIGN CONTRIBUTION? WHAT ABOUT BEYONCÉ? …AND HOW MUCH WENT TO OPRAH, AND BONO??? I am going to call for a major investigation into this matter....For these unpatriotic “entertainers,” this was just a CORRUPT & UNLAWFUL way to capitalize on a broken system. **From ''Truth Social'' as reported in [https://www.mediaite.com/news/trump-demands-major-investigation-into-springsteen-beyonce-oprah-for-backing-kamala-harris-corrupt-unlawful/ Trump Demands ‘Major Investigation’ Into Springsteen, Beyoncé, Oprah for Backing Kamala Harris: ‘CORRUPT & UNLAWFUL!’] ''Mediate'' (May 19, 2025) * HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY TO ALL, INCLUDING THE SCUM THAT SPENT THE LAST FOUR YEARS TRYING TO DESTROY OUR COUNTRY THROUGH WARPED RADICAL LEFT MINDS, WHO ALLOWED 21,000,000 MILLION PEOPLE TO ILLEGALLY ENTER OUR COUNTRY, MANY OF THEM BEING CRIMINALS AND THE MENTALLY INSANE,THROUGH AN OPEN BORDER THAT ONLY AN INCOMPETENT PRESIDENT WOULD APPROVE, AND THROUGH JUDGES WHO ARE ON A MISSION TO KEEP MURDERERS, DRUG DEALERS, RAPISTS, GANG MEMBERS, AND RELEASED PRISONERS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD, IN OUR COUNTRY SO THEY CAN ROB, MURDER, AND RAPE AGAIN — ALL PROTECTED BY THESE USA HATING JUDGES WHO SUFFER FROM AN IDEOLOGY THAT IS SICK, AND VERY DANGEROUS FOR OUR COUNTRY. HOPEFULLY THE UNITED STATES SUPREME COURT, AND OTHER GOOD AND COMPASSIONATE JUDGES THROUGHOUT THE LAND, WILL SAVE US FROM THE DECISIONS OF THE MONSTERS WHO WANT OUR COUNTRY TO GO TO HELL. BUT FEAR NOT, WE HAVE MADE GREAT PROGRESS OVER THE LAST 4 MONTHS, AND AMERICA WILL SOON BE SAFE AND GREAT AGAIN! AGAIN, HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY, AND GOD BLESS AMERICA! ** [https://www.yahoo.com/news/fact-check-trumps-memorial-day-154700630.html "Fact Check: Trump's Memorial Day message"] ''Yahoo News'' (May 27, 20205) * What Vladimir Putin doesn’t realize is that if it weren’t for me, lots of really bad things would have already happened to Russia, and I mean REALLY BAD. He’s playing with fire! ** [https://www.yahoo.com/news/trump-brags-shielding-putin-not-204644595.html "Trump Brags About Shielding Putin, And It’s Not Going Over Well On Social Media"] ''Huffington Post'' (May 27, 2025) * There is no #JoeBiden - executed in 2020. #Biden clones doubles & robotic engineered soulless mindless entities are what you see. Democrats dont know the difference. ** Social media posting shared by Donald Trump, quoted in [https://www.thedailybeast.com/donald-trump-shares-bonkers-conspiracy-theory-about-joe-biden-being-replaced-by-clones/ "Trump Shares Unhinged Conspiracy Theory That Biden Is a Robot Clone"], ''Daily Beast'' (May 31, 2025) ===== [https://www.newsweek.com/trump-advice-university-alabama-commencement-speech-2067054 Donald Trump Shares 11 Pieces of Advice at Rally-Style Commencement Speech] Newsweek (1 May 2025) ===== # "If you're here today and think that you're too young to do something great, let me tell you that you are wrong. You're not too young. You can have great success at a very young age ... In America, with drive and ambition, young people can do anything." # "You have to love what you do. You have to. I rarely see somebody that's successful that doesn't love what he or she does ... If I didn't find it fun, I wouldn't be successful." # "The third thing is to think big. If you're going to do something, you might as well think big. I know a lot of people, they've thought small, they were very smart. I know others that weren't nearly as smart, but they had a better picture of the big picture, because it's just as hard to solve a small problem as a big problem and it's just as much energy and everything else, except the result is going to be a smaller one. So love what you do and think big if it's possible." # "Work hard. Never, ever stop," Trump said, before mentioning pro golf legend Gary Player. The president said Player "wasn't as big as other men, he was on the small side ... but he worked very, very hard. He made up for it. He never stopped." # "Don't lose your momentum. You just want to keep it going. And you have to know, if you are losing it, you have to know when you are losing it, so maybe you stop and maybe it's time to stop. Listen to the feedback, think through your plan very carefully and keep moving fast." # "If you want to change the world, you have to have the courage to be an outsider. In other words, you have to take certain risks and do things a little bit differently; otherwise, if that were the case, everybody would be successful. Doesn't work that way. Progress never comes from those satisfied with the failures of a broken system; it comes from those who want to fix the broken system. If you want to go to the top, you're just never going to do it unless you break the system ... You really do, you have to break the system a little bit and follow your own instincts. But if your vision is right, nothing will hold you down. Nothing. You have to have the right vision." # "Trust your instincts. Common sense. You can go very far in life with common sense and I applied that to politics because some of these things, like, they had open borders. Let everybody in the whole world flow into our country. That's not common sense." # "Everybody should believe in the American dream. It's real, it's there and it's right before you." # "Think of yourself as a winner. The power of positive thinking. Don't consider yourself a victim. Consider yourself a winner. In recent years, too many of our young people have really been taught to think of themselves as victims and blame people and be angry. Don't be angry. In America, we reject that idea that anyone is born a victim. Our heroes are the ones who take charge of their own destiny, make their own luck and determine their own fate, despite the odds." # "Be an original," Trump said as his penultimate piece of advice for the graduating class. "The all-time greats were people who had the confidence to be a little different ... God only created one of you. Remember that. You're all different, some are close, but nobody is the same. You're one of a kind so don't try to be someone else. Just be yourself." # "Never, ever give up. Never give up. Don't stop. Never, ever give up. Victory is right around the corner." ==== June 2025 ==== *The horrific decision stated that I would have to get the approval of Congress for these Tariffs. In other words, hundreds of politicians would sit around D.C. for weeks, and even months, trying to come to a conclusion as to what to charge other Countries that are treating us unfairly. If allowed to stand, this would completely destroy Presidential Power — The Presidency would never be the same! **Regarding the Court of International Trade’s decision stating that tariffs must be approved by Congress according to the Constitution, as quoted in “Truth Social” and reported in [https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/maddowblog/congress-trade-tariffs-trump-gives-away-game-power-grab-rcna210366 On Congress and trade tariffs, Trump gives away the game about his power grab] ''MSNBC'' (June 2, 2025) * Because of Tariffs, our Economy is BOOMING! ** [https://www.thedailybeast.com/donald-trumps-brag-about-booming-economy-immediately-gets-a-humiliating-reality-check/ "Trump’s Brag About ‘BOOMING’ Economy Immediately Gets a Humiliating Reality Check"], ''Daily Beast'' (June 3, 2025) * The easiest way to save money in our Budget, Billions and Billions of dollars, is to terminate Elon's Governmental Subsidies and Contracts. I was always surprised that Biden didn't do it! ** [https://www.axios.com/2025/06/05/elon-musk-twitter-trump-epstein-files "How Trump and Musk's relationship exploded in real time over X, Truth Social"], ''Axios'' (June 5, 2025) *We want to wean off of FEMA and we want to bring it down to the state level — a little bit like education, we're moving it back to the states.<br>It has not worked out well. It's extremely expensive and, again, when you have a tornado or a hurricane or you have a problem of any kind, in a state, that's what you have governors for. They're supposed to fix those problems, and it's much more local and they'll develop a system, and it will be a great system. **[https://www.cbsnews.com/news/trump-fema-hurricane-season-wean-states/ Trump says his administration wants to "wean" states off FEMA aid after hurricane season] ''CBS News'' (June 11, 2025) * Remember eggs? We weren’t able to buy another egg for the next 20 years — they were so expensive, right? Eggs have come down 400%. ** [https://finance.yahoo.com/news/trump-says-everybody-eggs-now-154300576.html "Trump says ‘everybody has eggs now’ since prices have dropped a staggering 400%. But is his math scrambled?"] ''Yahoo Finance / Moneywise'' (June 12, 2025) * Please help me with my military parade. ** Written in a fundraising e-mail, quoted in [https://www.mediaite.com/media/tv/chris-hayes-cackles-at-trump-email-sorry-thats-a-funny-sentence/ "Chris Hayes Cackles at Trump Email: ‘Sorry, That’s a Funny Sentence’"], ''Mediaite'' (June 13, 2025) * President Putin called this morning to very nicely wish me a Happy Birthday ** Quoted in [https://www.mediaite.com/politics/trump/trump-says-putin-very-nicely-wished-him-happy-birthday-and-they-agreed-war-in-israel-iran-should-end-on-hour-long-call/ "Trump Says Putin ‘Very Nicely’ Wished Him Happy Birthday and They Agreed ‘War in Israel-Iran Should End’ on Hour-Long Call"], ''Mediaite'' (June 14, 2025) * We can easily get a deal done between Iran and Israel, and end this bloody conflict. ** [https://www.politico.eu/article/donald-trump-iran-retaliation-levels-never-seen-before/ "Trump threatens Iran with retaliation ‘at levels never seen before’"], ''Politico'' (June 15, 2025) *ICE Officers are herewith ordered, by notice of this TRUTH, to do all in their power to achieve the very important goal of delivering the single largest Mass Deportation Program in History.<br>In order to achieve this, we must expand efforts to detain and deport Illegal Aliens in America’s largest Cities, such as Los Angeles, Chicago, and New York, where Millions upon Millions of Illegal Aliens reside. These, and other such Cities, are the core of the Democrat Power Center, where they use Illegal Aliens to expand their Voter Base, cheat in Elections, and grow the Welfare State, robbing good paying Jobs and Benefits from Hardworking American Citizens. These radical left Democrats are sick of mind, hate our country and actually want to destroy our inner cities - and they are doing a good job of it! There is something wrong with them **From Truth Social reported in [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/live-updates/trump-admin-updates-live/?id=122650591 Trump admin updates: Trump calls for expanded deportations in LA, NYC and more] ''ABC News'' (June 15, 2025) *I want them to focus on the cities because the cities are where you really have what's called sanctuary cities, and that's where the people are… Most of those people are in the cities, all blue cities, all Democrat-run cities, and they think they're going to use them to vote. It's not going to happen. **Speaking at the G7 Summit concerning the deportation of illegal aliens, reported in [https://www.cbs8.com/article/news/local/california/president-trump-orders-ice-to-target-democratic-run-cities/509-457960b7-63e1-4277-bc42-73d10918a0f4 Trump targets deportations in Democratic cities, sparks outrage in California] ''CBS8'' (June 16, 2025) *Well, considering that I’m the one that developed ‘America First,’ and considering that the term wasn’t used until I came along, I think I’m the one that decides that. **[https://www.msnbc.com/top-stories/latest/trump-america-first-iran-israel-strikes-rcna213299 Trump tries to redefine ‘America First’ in the face of MAGA backlash] ''MSNBC'' (June 16, 2025) * I don't believe in telephones. ** [https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-14820045/Donald-Trump-G7-Iran-Air-Force-One.html "Donald Trump reveals the real reason he rushed home from the G7 in Canada while bombs fell on Tehran"] ''Daily Mail'' (June 17, 2025) *Let's have a good -- they call it a lifting. They also use another word, but I'm not gonna use that word. It starts with an E. Do you know what the word is? If I ever used it, I would be run out of town by you people. **While talking with reporters on the White House lawn, where he plans on installing two massive flagpoles, reported in [https://www.irishstar.com/news/us-news/trump-cracks-crude-genitalia-joke-35414899 Trump cracks crude genitalia joke at flagpole ceremony amid fears he'll be 'run out of town'] ''Irish Star'' (June 18, 2025) *My supporters are more in love with me today, and I'm more in love with them, more than they even were at election time where we had a total landslide…<br>I may have some people that are a little bit unhappy now, but I have some people that are very happy, and I have people outside of the base that can't believe that this is happening, they're so happy ... and there was a poll that just came out today and my approval rating’s the highest it’s ever been. **Speaking to reporters at the White House on the South Lawn, asked about supporters’ concerns regarding involvement in the Israel-Iran conflict quoted in [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/wireStory/trump-supporters-love-involvement-iran-roils-maga-world-122978793 Trump says supporters are 'more in love' with him than ever, as involvement in Iran roils MAGA world] ''ABC News'' (June 18, 2025)[https://www.al.com/politics/2025/06/trump-claims-his-approval-rating-is-the-highest-its-ever-been-numbers-tell-a-different-story.html] * I may do it. I may not do it. Nobody knows what I'm going to do. ** Said about the possibility of attacking Iran, 18 June 2025. Quoted in Allan Little [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/czxww2kez0go How Trump is using the 'Madman Theory' to try to change the world (and it's working)] ''BBC News'' (July 6, 2025) * I stopped the war between Pakistan and India. ** Claimed without providing evidence, quoted in [https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/maddowblog/third-time-india-pushes-back-trumps-dubious-boasts-rcna213931 "For the third time, India pushes back against Trump’s dubious boasts"] ''MSNBC'' (June 19, 2025) *Zero Border crossings for the month for TRUMP, verses 60,000 for Sleepy, Crooked Joe Biden, a man who lost the 2020 Presidential Election by a “LANDSLIDE!” Biden was grossly incompetent, and the 2020 election was a total FRAUD! The evidence is MASSIVE and OVERWHELMING. A Special Prosecutor must be appointed. This cannot be allowed to happen again in the United States of America! **Taken from Truth Social post in [https://www.mediaite.com/politics/trump-calls-for-special-prosecutor-for-alleged-election-fraud-in-2020-claiming-he-won-in-a-landslide/ Trump Calls for Special Prosecutor for Alleged Election Fraud in 2020 — Claiming He Won in a ‘LANDSLIDE!’] ''Mediaite'' (June 20, 2025) *It’s not politically correct to use the term, ‘Regime Change’, but if the current Iranian Regime is unable to MAKE IRAN GREAT AGAIN, why wouldn’t there be a Regime change? MIGA!!! **''Truth Social'' posting, reported in [https://www.telegraph.co.uk/us/news/2025/06/23/trump-agitates-for-iran-regime-change/ Trump agitates for regime change to ‘make Iran great again’] ''The Telegraph'' (June 22, 2025) *CONGRATULATIONS TO EVERYONE! It has been fully agreed by and between Israel and Iran that there will be a Complete and Total CEASEFIRE (in approximately 6 hours from now, when Israel and Iran have wound down and completed their in progress, final missions!), for 12 hours, at which point the War will be considered, ENDED! During each CEASEFIRE, the other side will remain PEACEFUL and RESPECTFUL. On the assumption that everything works as it should, which it will, I would like to congratulate both Countries, Israel and Iran, on having the Stamina, Courage, and Intelligence to end, what should be called, “THE 12 DAY WAR”. **Truth Social post reported in [https://www.cnbc.com/2025/06/23/iran-qatar-iraq-attacks-us-israel.html Trump announces Israel-Iran ceasefire timeline he says will end the war: Live updates] ''CNBC'' (June 23, 2025)[https://www.salon.com/2025/06/23/the-12-day-war-says-israel-iran-have-reached-tentative-ceasefire-agreement/] * Israel, as soon as we made the deal they came out and they dropped a load of bombs, the likes of which I’ve never seen before.<br>I’m not happy with Israel. You know, when I say, ‘OK now you have 12 hours,’ you don’t go out to the first hour, just drop everything you have on, so I’m not happy with them. I’m not happy with Iran either.<br>ISRAEL. DO NOT DROP THOSE BOMBS. IF YOU DO IT IS A MAJOR VIOLATION. BRING YOUR PILOTS HOME, NOW! ** [https://edition.cnn.com/world/live-news/israel-iran-conflict-us-trump-06-24-25-intl-hnk#cmcaf5mst00003b6prm250209 "Trump lashes out at Israel as his Middle East truce appears to falter"] ''CNN'' (June 24, 2025) * ''About Israel and Iran:'' : I don’t believe they will ever be shooting at each other again. :* [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-expects-israel-iran-ceasefire-last-forever-rcna214660 "Trump says he expects the Israel-Iran ceasefire will last 'forever'"] ''NBC News'' (June 24, 2025) * We have no inflation. ** Claimed without providing evidence, quoted in [https://edition.cnn.com/2025/06/25/politics/fact-check-trump-nato-conference "Fact-checking Trump’s NATO news conference"] ''CNN'' (June 25, 2025) * I've talked to Putin a lot and he's actually been very kind. ** [https://www.gazetaexpress.com/en/He%27s-a-good-guy.-Trump-announces-talks-with-Zelensky--praises-Putin-as-very-kind./ "'He's a good guy': Trump announces talks with Zelensky, praises Putin as 'very kind'"] ''Gazeta Express'' (June 25, 2025) ==== July 2025 ==== * This bill rescues over 2 billion family farms from the so-called estate tax or the death tax. ** Claimed about the "Big Beautiful Bill", quoted in [https://www.irishstar.com/news/us-news/trump-loses-it-claims-2-35498032 "Trump 'loses it' as he claims 2 billion farms have been rescued then outright lies over taxes"] ''Irish Star'' (July 3, 2025) * ''Claimed about his "big beautiful bill":'' : It’s the most popular bill ever signed in the history of our country, whether you’re military or anybody else, this is the most single most popular bill ever signed, :* [https://edition.cnn.com/2025/07/04/politics/fact-check-trump-bill-unpopular "Fact check: Trump falsely claims his highly unpopular big bill is the ‘single most popular bill ever signed’"] ''CNN'' (July 4, 2025) *We made promises, and it’s really promises made, promises kept, and we’ve kept them. There’s a triumph of democracy on the birthday of democracy, and I have to say that the people are happy. **After signing the One Big Beautiful Bill into law [https://www.cnn.com/2025/07/04/politics/donald-trump-policy-bill-celebration Trump signs his agenda bill, with a flyover and fireworks to mark the occasion] ''CNN'' (July 4, 2025) *I would say firm, but not 100% firm. **When asked by a reporter whether the new August 1st tariff date was a hard deadline, quoted in [https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cd0vkl31085o US delays higher tariffs but announces new taxes for some countries] ''BBC'' (July 7, 2025) *Are you still talking about Jeffrey Epstein? This guy’s been talked about for years…. Are people still talking about this guy? This creep? That is unbelievable.<br>I can’t believe you’re asking a question on Epstein at a time like this, when we’re having some of the greatest success and also tragedy with what happened in Texas. It just seems like a desecration. **Responding to a reporter’s question to Attorney General Pam Bondi regarding Jeffrey Epstein, quoted in [https://uk.news.yahoo.com/trump-questions-why-people-talking-164717536.html Trump questions why people are talking about ‘creep’ Epstein - despite his push to release the files ] ''Yahoo News'' (July 8, 2025) *If a communist gets elected to run New York, it can never be the same, but we have tremendous power at the White House to run places when we have to.<br>New York City will run properly. We’re going to bring New York back. **After warning against the prospect of Zohran Mamdani winning the New York mayor’s race, quoted in [https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2025-07-08/trump-says-he-s-weighing-federal-takeover-of-washington-dc Trump Says He’s Weighing Federal Takeover of Washington, DC] ''Bloomberg'' (July 8, 2025)[https://archive.is/317Oy#selection-1147.0-1147.59] *TARIFFS WILL START BEING PAID ON AUGUST 1, 2025. There has been no change to this date, and there will be no change. In other words, all money will be due and payable starting AUGUST 1, 2025 — No extensions will be granted. **From ''Truth Social'', quoted in [https://www.nbcnews.com/business/business-news/trump-threatens-no-extensions-aug-1-tariff-deadline-what-countries-rcna217536 Trump threatens 'no extensions' on new Aug. 1 tariff deadline, warns of higher import taxes] ''NBC News'' (July 8, 2025) *We’re on one Team, MAGA, and I don’t like what’s happening. We have a PERFECT Administration, THE TALK OF THE WORLD, and “selfish people” are trying to hurt it, all over a guy who never dies, Jeffrey Epstein….One year ago our Country was DEAD, now it’s the “HOTTEST” Country anywhere in the World. Let’s keep it that way, and not waste Time and Energy on Jeffrey Epstein, somebody that nobody cares about. **From ''Truth Social'', quoted in [https://www.cnn.com/2025/07/12/politics/bondi-epstein-investigation-trump Trump defends Bondi amid MAGA fallout over her handling of Epstein investigation] ''CNN'' (July 13, 2025)[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/114842356238631061] {{Disputed begin}} == Disputed == * These people should be executed. They are scumbags. ** About whistleblowers and journalists. Attributed by [[John Bolton]] in ''{{w|The Room Where It Happened}}'', ''{{w|Simon & Schuster}}'', 2020, [https://books.google.com/books?id=QjTMDwAAQBAJ&pg=PT290 p. 290] {{cite book |isbn=978-1-9821-4805-8}} *Do you still like having sex with your wife? How often? You must have had a better fuck than your wife? Tell me about it. I have girls coming in from [[Los Angeles]] at three o'clock. We can go upstairs and have a great time. I promise. **Reported by Michael Wolff in [http://web.archive.org/web/20180107223847if_/https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DSpgpeyVMAAMcS1.jpg ''Fire and Fury: Inside the Trump White House''] (5 January 2018) * I hope you can see your way clear to letting this go, to letting Flynn go. He is a good guy. I hope you can let this go. ** Reported as being the words of President Trump recorded in a memo that [[James Comey]], FBI Director at the time, wrote shortly after a meeting held in the Oval Office on 14 February 2017, referring to the federal investigation into links to the Russian government of national security adviser, [[Michael T. Flynn]], who had resigned the day before. In a statement, the White House has denied the version of events in the memo. — [https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/16/us/politics/james-comey-trump-flynn-russia-investigation.html New York Times (16 May 2017)] ** Comey confirmed under oath his account of Trump's words while [https://www.nytimes.com/2017/06/08/us/politics/senate-hearing-transcript.html appearing before the Senate Intelligence Committee] (8 June 2017) ** When asked about Comey's testimony during a [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hplM_DYp-Vk press conference on 9 June 2017], Trump said, "I didn't say that. I will tell you I didn't say that. And there'd be nothing wrong if I did say it according to everybody that I've read today, but I did not say that." * Why are we having all these people from shithole countries come here? ** Reportedly said in a meeting with lawmakers on immigration, as quoted in [http://thehill.com/homenews/administration/368576-trump-rips-protections-for-immigrants-from-shithole-countries-in "Trump criticized immigration from 's---hole' countries: report"] (11 January 2018), by Avery Anapol, ''The Hill''. Variant: "Why do we want all these people from shithole countries coming here?" As quoted in [http://www.cnn.com/2018/01/11/politics/trump-rock-bottom/index.html Trump's 'shithole' comment is his new rock bottom], ''CNN'', 12 January 2018. Trump denied making this comment. *** "The language used by me at the DACA meeting was tough, but this was not the language used." [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/951793123985973248 Tweet by @realDonaldTrump] (12 January 2018) *Why do we want all these people from Africa here? They're shithole countries ... We should have more people from Norway. **[https://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-trump-immigration-norway/thanks-but-no-thanks-norwegians-reject-trumps-immigration-offer-idUSKBN1F11QK 12 January 2018, per Reuters' source] *Why do we need more Haitians? Take them out. **Reportedly said in a meeting with lawmakers on immigration, as quoted in [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/donald-trump-shthole-countries-response-from-haiti-africa-el-salvador/?ftag=CNM-00-10aab8a&linkId=46885064 "'Sh*thole countries' respond to Trump's rhetoric"], ''CBS News''. Trump denied making this comment. ** "Never said anything derogatory about Haitians other than Haiti is, obviously, a very poor and troubled country. Never said "take them out." Made up by Dems. I have a wonderful relationship with Haitians. Probably should record future meetings - unfortunately, no trust!" [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/951813216291708928 Tweet by @realDonaldTrump] (12 January 2018) *[B]lack people are too stupid to vote for me. **As quoted in [https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2018/11/michael-cohen-trump-racist-language "Michael Cohen Says Trump Repeatedly Used Racist Language in Private"] (2 November 2018), by Emily Jane Fox, ''Vanity Fair''. In a post-2018 midterm press conference, Trump denied making the comment and dismissed Cohen's claims: "That's false" — as quoted in [https://www.yahoo.com/news/president-trump-says-never-used-racist-remarks-195529076.html "President Trump says he has 'never used racist remarks'"] (7 November 2018), by Hunter Walker, ''Yahoo News''. *Name one country run by a black person that's not a shithole... Name one city. **As quoted in [https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2018/11/michael-cohen-trump-racist-language "Michael Cohen Says Trump Repeatedly Used Racist Language in Private"] (2 November 2018), by Emily Jane Fox, ''Vanity Fair''. "White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders denied those comments at the time." *Why should I go to that cemetery? It’s filled with losers .. suckers .. Who were the good guys in this war? **[https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/white-house-decision-cancel-veteran-s-cemetery-france-visit-creates-n934796 Saturday 10 November 2018] two hours before a scheduled 30-minute helicopter ride from Paris to the Aisne-Marne American Cemetery, the visit was cancelled with White House stating a rainy forecast made it too dangerous **[https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2020/09/trump-americans-who-died-at-war-are-losers-and-suckers/615997/ 3 September 2020] TheAtlantic.com writer [[Jeffrey Goldberg]] stated that "four people with firsthand knowledge of the discussion that day" (Goldberg did not provide any names) that "Trump rejected the idea of the visit because he feared his hair would become disheveled in the rain, and because he did not believe it important to honor American war dead", and described the two-sentence quote above as part of "a conversation with senior staff members on the morning of the scheduled visit". ***Goldberg also stated that during the trip (in a separate conversation) that Trump used the term "suckers" to collectively describe the 1800+ marines who died at Belleau Wood, but did not provide any surrounding words (the purported quote was the only word in quotation marks) ***the sentence about "good guys" Goldberg says was stated towards aides (not senior staff members) ****Goldberg did state a number regarding witness count of the other two statements, only for the "losers" one **[https://nationalpost.com/news/world/donald-trump-the-atlantic-john-mccain-loserstrump-denies-account-of-him-disparaging-u-s-war-dead-mccain 4 September 2020] Trump responded to Goldberg's piece "It’s a total lie. It’s fake news". **Trump also [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1301893907295371266 tweeted that day]: "The Atlantic Magazine is dying, like most magazines, so they make up a fake story in order to gain some relevance. Story already refuted, but this is what we are up against." **press secretary [[Kayleigh McEnany]] also [https://www.realclearpolitics.com/video/2020/09/04/whs_mcenany_atlantic_report_on_trump_has_been_categorically_debunked_by_witnesses_clearly_fake_news.html on September 4th] stated "The story in the Atlantic has been categorically debunked by eyewitnesses and contemporaneous documents", quoting two service members: ***""I was with the president the morning after the scheduled visit. He was extremely disappointed that arrangements could not be made to get him to the site and that the trip had been cancelled. I have worked with the president for his entire administration .. I have never heard him utter a disparaging remark of any kind about our troops." - Derek Lyons ***"there was a bad weather called in France and that the helicopters were unable to safely make the flight. Overall, the president's support and respect for our American troops past and present is unquestionable" - Dan Walsh **following Goldberg's piece that same day, [[James LaPorta]] wrote [https://apnews.com/article/b823f2c285641a4a09a96a0b195636ed on AP] "A senior Defense Department official with firsthand knowledge of events and a senior U.S. Marine Corps officer who was told about Trump’s comments confirmed some of the remarks to The Associated Press, including the 2018 cemetery comments." ====June 2025==== *The horrific decision stated that I would have to get the approval of Congress for these Tariffs. In other words, hundreds of politicians would sit around D.C. for weeks, and even months, trying to come to a conclusion as to what to charge other Countries that are treating us unfairly. If allowed to stand, this would completely destroy Presidential Power — The Presidency would never be the same! **Regarding the Court of International Trade’s decision stating that tariffs must be approved by Congress according to the Constitution, as quoted in “Truth Social” and reported in [https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/maddowblog/congress-trade-tariffs-trump-gives-away-game-power-grab-rcna210366 On Congress and trade tariffs, Trump gives away the game about his power grab] ''MSNBC'' (June 2, 2025) {{Disputed end}} {{misattributed begin}} == Misattributed == * I have a really high IQ, Phil. I mean, c'mon. It's impossible for me to not be atheist. ** Attributed by photo meme to an appearance on ''The Phil Donahue Show'' in 1989. [http://www.snopes.com/trump-donahue-atheist-1989/ According to Snopes.com], there is no evidence he ever said this, nor that he even appeared on ''The Phil Donahue Show'' in 1989. * This has been the worst trade deal in the history of trade deals, maybe ever. ** Actual quote was "[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kl2QShtOwbU NAFTA is the worst trade deal maybe ever signed anywhere, but certainly ever signed in this country.]" * If I were to run, I'd run as a Republican. They're the dumbest group of voters in the country. They believe anything on Fox News. I could lie and they'd still eat it up. I bet my numbers would be terrific. ** There is no record of Trump ever saying this; sometimes "''People'' magazine, 1998" is ''incorrectly'' given as the "source" of this quotation — [http://www.snopes.com/1998-trump-people-quote/ snopes.com]; [https://www.truthorfiction.com/donald-trump-said-republicans-are-the-dumbest-group-of-voters/ truthorfiction.com] * The harder I work, the luckier I get. ** Originated with [[Samuel Goldwyn]] as a paraphrase of a proverb from a collection by Coleman Cox, but similar proverbs have existed since the 16th century. [http://quoteinvestigator.com/2012/07/21/luck-hard-work/] * Life is what you do while you're waiting to die. ** [[w:Fred Ebb|Fred Ebb]], ''[[w:Zorba (musical)|Zorba]]'' (1968) * People are dying today that have never died before. ** [https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/trump-quote-never-died-before/ According to Snopes.com], there is no record of Trump saying this. * The doctors said they've never seen a body kill the Coronavirus like my body. They tested my DNA and it wasn't DNA. It was USA. ** Reportedly said by Trump after he was hospitalized with [[w:Coronavirus disease 2019|COVID-19]], following [[w:White House COVID-19 outbreak|an outbreak of the disease in the White House]]; the quote actually originates from an image featuring a fabricated subtitle overlaid on a video released by the President while he was in [[w:Walter Reed National Military Medical Center|Walter Reed National Military Medical Center]]. [https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/trump-coronavirus-kill-body/] * My blood IS the vaccine!!!!! ** Originates from a fabricated screenshot of a tweet allegedly posted on October 5, 2020, the same day Trump was released from [[w:Walter Reed National Military Medical Center|Walter Reed National Military Medical Center]] after his diagnosis of [[w:Coronavirus disease 2019|COVID-19]]. [https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/trump-my-blood-is-the-vaccine/] The fictitious quote likely refers to the donation of the [[w:blood plasma|blood plasma]] of COVID-19 survivors as a treatment method against catching the disease, a treatment of which Trump has been a vocal supporter. Trump has, however, suggested that he would consider donating his own plasma for this purpose. [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/donald-trump-donate-plasma-covid-19-coronavirus/] {{misattributed end}} ==Quotes about Trump== :<small>Alphabetized by surname.</small> :<small>[[#A|A]] · [[#B|B]] · [[#C|C]] · [[#D|D]] · [[#E|E]] · [[#F|F]] · [[#G|G]] · [[#H|H]] · [[#I|I]] · [[#J|J]] · [[#K|K]] · [[#L|L]] · [[#M|M]] · [[#N|N]] · [[#O|O]] · [[#P|P]] · [[#Q|Q]] · [[#R|R]] · [[#S|S]] · [[#T|T]] · [[#U|U]] · [[#V|V]] · [[#W|W]] · [[#X|X]] · [[#Y|Y]] · [[#Z|Z]] · [[#See also|See&nbsp;also]] · [[#External links|External&nbsp;links]]</small> [[File:Lou Barletta.jpg|thumb|Donald Trump's voice is resonating with average Americans who feel their voice has been lost by their party. I believe this will become a new Republican Party, one that we should embrace. We should be the party of working men and women, the party of America first. ~ [[w:Lou Barletta|Lou Barletta]]]] [[File:Glenn Beck by Gage Skidmore 3.jpg|thumb|Donald Trump, I really truly [[believe]] is a very [[dangerous]] man. If you listen to the things he said... He has joked about killing reporters. ~ [[Glenn Beck]] ]] {{npov}} === A === [[File:Bashar al-Assad (cropped).jpg|thumb|I don't know him, when I sit with him face-to-face, I can judge him. But I only look at the person on the TV. ~ [[Bashar al-Assad]]]] *We have a commander-in-chief who has never failed to signal his [[xenophobia]], his racism, his bigotry and his hatred. And that will absolutely filter down to the youngest and most impressionable members of our communities. **[[Stacey Abrams]] [https://www.democracynow.org/2019/1/31/stacey_abrams_we_have_to_work Interview] with Democracy Now (January 2019) * The meta-impact of President Trump routinely doing the "[[impossibility|impossible]]" is that it changes how all of us view our world. If Trump can keep doing the impossible, time and time again, why can't we? [...] [D]on't be surprised if 2018 is the year when people all over the world shed their mental prisons and take on the "impossibles" in ways we have never seen. Thanks to President Trump, people everywhere are beginning to recognize the difference between real impossibilities and simple failures of imagination. ** [[Scott Adams]], [http://blog.dilbert.com/2018/01/02/president-trump-changed-imagination/ "How President Trump Changed Your Imagination"] (2 January 2018) *Trump gives about four months for Syria troop pull-out: NYT **Aljazeera, [https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2019/01/trump-months-syria-troop-pull-nyt-190101143234181.html 1 January 2019] in response to [https://www.nytimes.com/2018/12/31/us/politics/trump-troop-withdrawal-syria-months.html?action=click&login=smartlock&auth=login-smartlock 31 December 2019] article by Eric Schmitt and Maggie Haberman of New York Times titled "Trump to Allow Months for Troop Withdrawal in Syria, Officials Say" that says "Trump has agreed to give the military about four months to withdraw the 2,000 United States troops in Syria, administration officials said on Monday" * I think it's funny because Donald Trump is kind of in the spirit of old Greek tyrants where they used to vote in a guy that had no encumbrances. So the smartest thing about him, which is probably most overlooked, to me, is that he doesn't owe anybody anything and if he would just stick to fixing the bridges, roads and infrastructures that's what he knows how to do...just keep him doing that. ** [[Tim Allen]], as quoted in [http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2016/01/13/tim-allen-says-leans-left-leans-right-and-ends-up-center-right.html "Tim Allen says he leans left, leans right, and ends up 'center right'"] by Blanche Johnson, ''FoxNews.com'' (13 January 2016) * I think Trump failed to pull off his [[Coup d'état|coup]] because of three enduring weaknesses in his character. First, many high school students know more about how the American government works than he does. He particularly does not understand the way the Constitution’s division of powers, even after all the growth in executive power over the decades, still can check an overreaching president. Thus he seems to have assumed that Republican judges would agree the election had been rigged simply because they were Republicans, when actually they were foremost judges in an independent judiciary bound by precedent, by a duty to see that justice is done, and by a demand for evidence. Similarly, Congress has many ties to executive agencies such as the FBI and the Department of Defense, especially the ties that bind with purse strings, that give it considerable influence in these agencies. <br>Second, organizing something as complicated as a [[Coup d'état|coup d’etat]] takes some serious cognitive chops, and by 2020 Donald Trump had trouble “staying on topic” for even a minute. If he were huddling with a conspirator over, say, control of the U.S. Marshalls during a takeover, he would soon be talking about how windmills kill eagles or the steam catapults on aircraft carriers. His thinking processes were too chaotic to orchestrate a coup. <br>Third, even though Donald Trump convinced millions that he was a self-assured, super-confident, take-charge [[Individualism|individualist]], he has long lacked resolve. He always had the courage of his convictions, which meant he had almost none. He frequently changed positions on important issues, notoriously being swayed by whoever spoke to him last, and his decision-making could be fairly characterized as “Charge ahead impulsively, then quickly retreat.” For example, two days after the networks declared Joe Biden had won the election, Trump signed an executive order commanding the withdrawal of American troops from Afghanistan and elsewhere by inauguration day. This surprised everyone at the Pentagon, whose officials immediately pointed out the dangers of precipitate withdrawals. Trump almost never went toe-to-toe with advisors who stood up to him. Instead he just sulked and complained about having “too many lawyers.” Like the executive order Trump signed curtailing military aid to [[South Korea]] that an aide simply took off his desk and deep-sixed, the order about Afghanistan was ignored. <br>'''[[Harry S. Truman|Harry Truman]] famously said, “If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen,” and he had a sign on his desk that read, “The buck stops here.” Trump can’t stand the heat, and accordingly he always makes sure the buck stops somewhere else. Like most [[Bullying|bullies]], he usually gets another person to do his dirty work and face all the danger. The mob who attacked the Capitol on January 6th were the latest version of the throngs who bought Trump’s junk bonds in earlier days, taking all the risks, for his benefit, while he watched.''' ** [[Bob Altemeyer]], [https://theauthoritarians.org/lessons-of-the-2020-american-election-january-6th-and-beyond/ "Lessons of the 2020 American Election, January 6th, and Beyond"], October 20, 2021. * What's more appalling is that huge numbers of those left behind in the wealth transfer genuflected to the new plutocratic class, celebrating the most vicious of the uber- [[Chief executive officer|CEOs]]. This craven CEO-worshipping is still going on today- middle Americans drag themselves home after work in order to gather around the television and watch billionaire assholes like Donald Trump deliver his "You're fired!" line to some desperate, stressed-out [[w:Waylon Smithers|Smithers]]-abee. ** [[Mark Ames]], ''Going Postal: Rage, Murder and Rebellion: From Reagan's Workplaces to Clinton's Columbine and Beyond'' (2005), p. 87-88 * He really does remind you of the original Narcissus, the frigid pretty boy of [[Greek myths|Greek myth]] who was mortally smitten by his own reflection. Narcissus is autoerotic; he is self-aroused. ** [[Martin Amis]] [https://harpers.org/archive/2016/08/don-the-realtor/ "Don the Realtor"] ''Harper's Magazine'' (August 2016) *[[w:Neo-Nazis|We]] support Trump because he is the savior of the [[White people|White race]], sent by God to free us from the shackles of the Jew occupation and establish a 1000 Reich. ** {{w|Andrew Anglin}}, as quoted in [http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/trump-neo-nazis-jews_us_5747397be4b0dacf7ad4480e "Trump's Neo-Nazi And Jewish Backers Are Both Convinced He's Secretly On Their Side"] (26 May 2016), by Jessica Schulberg, ''The Huffington Post'' * Yes, Trump is worse than imperfect. So what? We can lament until we choke the lack of a great [[Statesmanship|statesman]] to address the fundamental issues of our time—or, more importantly, to connect them. Since [[Pat Buchanan]]'s three failures, occasionally a candidate arose who saw one piece: [[Dick Gephardt]] on trade, [[Ron Paul]] on war, [[Tom Tancredo]] on immigration. Yet, among recent political figures—great statesmen, dangerous demagogues, and mewling gnats alike—only Trump-the-alleged-buffoon not merely saw all three and their essential connectivity, ''but was able to win on them''. The alleged buffoon is thus more prudent—more practically wise—than all of our wise-and-good who so bitterly oppose him. This should embarrass them. That their failures instead embolden them is only further proof of their foolishness and hubris. **{{w|Michael Anton}} (as "Publius Decius Mus"), [http://www.claremont.org/crb/basicpage/the-flight-93-election/ "The Flight 93 Election"], ''The Claremont Institute'' (September 5, 2016) * Trump is not the only president in the modern era to have switched sides. [[Ronald Reagan]] famously changed from the [[Democratic Party (United States)|Democratic Party]] to the [[Republican Party (United States)|Republican Party]], but the change was driven by principle, and the change stuck. He didn't sway back and forth, again and again. It would be tough for anyone to claim Donald Trump flipped parties on "principle" like Reagan. Some have sought to dig into Trump's ideological evolution, figuring out what changed or who inspired him to become a Republican. I'll spare them the needless waste of effort. Donald Trump became a conservative when it became politically convenient for him. I have no doubt he would have become the raucous rising star of the Democratic Party, too, if that looked like a shorter path to the Oval Office. Either way, he did with his belief system what he did with any Trump product. He outsourced it for low-cost manufacturing to someone else, then slapped his name on it. A handful of hired minions gave him the bare-bones requirements of a "conservative" platform. And he covered it with gaudy gold plating to make it his own. ** Anonymous, ''A Warning'' (2019), p. 97 * Donald Trump has America back on the road to bankruptcy, an area where he has unparalleled expertise for a president of the United States. The small band of fiscal conservatives who remain in the Trump administration warned the president about the eventual dangers of his out-of-control spending addiction. In one such meeting, Trump reportedly said, "Yeah, but I won't be here." I never heard him say those words, but it doesn't come as a surprise. That's how he thinks. What does he care if the federal government goes belly-up? By then it won't be his problem. ** Anonymous, ''A Warning'' (2019), p. 101 * The president's denial-turned-apathy to Moscow's actions is why America responded with the diplomatic equivalent of a whimper to one of the biggest foreign affronts to our democracy. Of all the failures of Trump's foreign policy, letting Russia off the hook is perhaps the most frustrating. The outgoing Obama administration imposed modest [[United States sanctions|sanctions]] on [[Moscow]], including expelling several dozen alleged Russian agents from the United States, but it left the rest to the incoming White House. Trump was reluctant to take further action that might offend Putin, with whom he hoped to develop a close working relationship. He hesitated to even raise the subject in conversations with the Russian leader, dumbfounding people on the inside. I remember when [[United States Congress|Congress]] sanctioned Russia in summer 2017. Representatives vented their anger over how little the administration had done to hold Russia accountable, so they took matters into their own hands and passed legislation punishing the country. Though he would later take credit for the sanctions in order to claim our administration had been unusually tough on Moscow, Trump in fact was furious. He felt Congress was getting in the way of his goal of a warm friendship with the Kremlin. Russia responded to the sanctions by kicking out hundreds of US embassy staff from their country and seizing US diplomatic compounds. President Trump's response was startling. "I want to thank him because we're trying to cut down on payroll," Trump told reporters about Putin's move, without a hint of irony. "And as far as I'm concerned, I'm very thankful that he let go a large number of people, because now we have a smaller payroll. There's no real reason for them to go back. So I greatly appreciate the fact that we've been able to cut our payroll of the United States. We'll save a lot of money." ** Anonymous, ''A Warning'' (2019), p. 164-165 * Trump's cavalier attitude toward the Russian security threat has had a predictable yet devastating consequence. Moscow has not been deterred from attacking American interests. It has been emboldened. They continue to take advantage of the United States, around the world and on our own soil. Former director of National Intelligence [[Dan Coats]] testified in January 2019 that Russia was still sowing social, racial, and political discord in the United States through influence operations, and several months later, [[Robert Mueller]] said the same. "It wasn't a single attempt," he testified to Congress. "They're doing it as we sit here. And they expect to do it during the next campaign." This should be a national scandal, a cause for outrage and action against the Russian government. Instead, it's being ignored where it should matter most- in the Oval Office. Reporters asked Trump about Mueller's assessment days later and quizzed him again on whether he'd pressed Putin on the topic. "You don't really believe this," he shot back. "Do you believe this? Okay, fine. We didn't talk about it." Then he boarded Marine One. ** Anonymous, ''A Warning'' (2019), p. 167 * As we tried to make sense of Donald Trump's positions or when one of us tried to argue against them, we first had to ask: Why is the president so attracted to autocrats? After a contentious meeting about the president's engagement with a foreign dictator, a top national security aide offered me his take. "The president sees in these guys what he wishes he had: total power, no term limits, enforced popularity, and the ability to silence critics for good." He was spot on. It was the simplest explanation. ** Anonymous, ''A Warning'' (2019), p. 171 * Mr. Trump is a wild card, but he is likely to sign pro-life measures, and he is seeking advice now from the right people to appoint a plausible successor to [[Antonin Scalia|Justice Scalia]]. In this Guide for the Perplexed, we may find reason to bite our lips and take the Wild Card over the brutal Sure Thing on the other side. ** [[w:Hadley Arkes|Hadley Arkes]], [https://www.thecatholicthing.org/2016/05/04/a-guide-for-the-perplexed/ "A Guide for the Perplexed"], ''The Catholic Thing'' (4 May 2016) * '''I don't know him, when I sit with him face-to-face, I can judge him. But I only look at the person on the TV,''' you know, on the TV you can manipulate everything, you can...rehearse, you can prepare yourself... ** [[Bashar al-Assad]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=45odEv_1DAY Interview with Bill Neely] (July 2016) on "[https://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/syria-s-president-bashar-al-assad-speaks-nbc-news-n608746 NBC: Exclusive Interview with Bashar al-Assad]" * My analysis is that Trump would not be permitted to win. Why do I say that? Because he has had every establishment off his side. Trump does not have one establishment, maybe with the exception of the Evangelicals, if you can call them an establishment. Banks, intelligence, arms companies, foreign money, etc. are all united behind [[Hillary Clinton]]. And the media as well. Media owners, and the journalists themselves. ** [[Julian Assange]], interview with John Pilger; [https://www.rt.com/news/365299-assange-pilger-saudi-clinton/ "Assange: Clinton & ISIS funded by same money, Trump won't be allowed to win"], ''[[w:RT (TV network)|RT.com]]'' (4 November 2016) * [Trump] is consistent. He is the same person that you see behind the scenes as he is in the public or through the media. ** [[Jacinda Ardern]] in [https://thespinoff.co.nz/politics/20-08-2020/the-complete-history-of-donald-trump-v-jacinda-ardern/ A brief history of Donald Trump v Jacinda Ardern] * There is no greater sacrifice than to lay down one's life for their country, and that's the sacrifice that Captain Humayum Khan made fighting to defend our freedom and our constitutional rights. He was a true American hero. The Khan family deserves nothing less than our deepest support, respect, and gratitude, and they have every right to express themselves in any way they choose. I am appalled that Donald Trump would disparage them and that he had the gall to compare his own sacrifices to those of a Gold Star family. ** {{w|Kelly Ayotte}}, statement regarding Donald Trump's comments about Khizr and Ghazala Khan [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-politics/wp/2016/07/31/khizr-khan-calls-trump-a-black-soul-says-mcconnell-ryan-have-moral-obligation-to-repudiate-him/] (July 31, 2016) === B === * Attached hereto is a copy of Mr. Trump's birth certificate, demonstrating that he is the son of Fred Trump, not an orangutan. **Scott Balber, Donald Trump's lawyer, to comedian [[Bill Maher]] (2013), in response to Maher's facetious assertion that he'd pay Trump $5 million dollars upon release of Trump's birth certificate to prove he was not sired by an {{w|orangutan}}. [http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/celebrity-news/my-dad-was-not-an-orangutan-donald-trump-says-in-lawsuit/article8467052/] [http://www.mediaite.com/tv/bill-maher-nukes-trump-over-lawsuit-the-law-is-not-a-toy-for-rich-idiots-to-play-with/] * Mr Khan, shame on you & #CrookedHillary (Hillary Clinton) for not being truthful to all in attacks at @realDonaldTrump (Donald Trump). ** {{w|Al Baldasaro}}, [https://twitter.com/Al_Baldasaro/status/760122082323795968 Twitter, August 1, 2016] *Come on. You know it's only socialism when it helps the working class. Farm bailout will primarily help big Ag. (referring to [https://www.latimes.com/business/hiltzik/la-fi-hiltzik-trump-farm-bailout-20190528-story.html?outputType=amp ''Los Angeles Times'' article: Rich farmers, not mom-and-pop farms, will collect most of Trump's tariff bailout (31 May 2019)] **[[Krystal Ball]] in [https://twitter.com/krystalball/status/1144018130357882880 ''Twitter Post,''] (26 June 2019) *Interesting nugget here as well. @tparsi had been informed by a Hill staffer in touch with the Pentagon that military strikes were imminent. Apparently everyone thought these strikes were really happening right up until the last moment. @esaagar ... @tparsi also warns that any military strike could easily lead to full blown conflict. "The Idea that there's such a thing as a limited strike on Iran is frankly preposterous." ... Interview with Head of the National Iranian American Council @tparsi . He told us it would be "political suicide" for any Iranian politician to meet with Trump as long as Bolton/Pompeo are around. @esaagar ... #rising #sanctions #Iran #iranwar **[[Krystal Ball]] in [https://twitter.com/krystalball ''Twitter Post''], (24 June 2019) *Wait... you only thought to ask about how many people would die 10 minutes before the strike??? That's a rather important piece of info to nearly overlook. **[[Krystal Ball]] in [https://twitter.com/krystalball ''Twitter Post''], (21 June 2019) * As Democrats jeer that Trump has merely laid bare the true soul of the GOP, some Republicans wonder, with considerable anguish, whether they're right. ** {{w|Molly Ball}}, ''[http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2015/08/can-the-republican-party-survive-trumo/402074/ Can the Republican Party Survive Trump?]'', ''{{w|The Atlantic}}'' (August 24, 2015) * Viewed through any conventional lens, [[President of the United States|President]]-elect Donald Trump's candidacy was [[improbable]] from start to finish. Today, two things about his [[victory]] seem to be in sharper focus: one, that Trump's victory might best be understood as the success of the country's first [[independent]] [[president]], and second, that the Trump coalition may be even more uniquely his than President [[Barack Obama|Obama]]'s has turned out to be.<br>Trump owes his [[success]] in part to the fact that he ran for president in an environment that favored [[change]] over the [[status quo]]. But his [[luck]] or [[genius]] goes beyond that. It has long been noted that the conditions have existed for an independent candidate to run a serious campaign for president.<br>Trump took the elements of an independent candidacy — the lack of clear [[ideology]], the name recognition of a national [[celebrity]] and the personal [[fortune]] needed to fund a presidential campaign — and then did what no one seemed to have thought of before. He staged a hostile takeover of an existing major party. He had the best of both worlds, an outsider candidacy with crosscutting ideological appeal and the platform of a major party to wage the general election. By the time he had finished, he had taken down two political dynasties: the [[w:Bush family|Bush dynasty]] in the primaries and the [[w:Clinton family|Clinton dynasty]] in the general election. ** [[Dan Balz]], ''[https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/donald-trump-americas-first-independent-president/2016/11/19/b09e1cc6-ade2-11e6-8b45-f8e493f06fcd_story.html Donald Trump, America's first independent president]'' (November 19, 2016) * It should not have taken a pandemic to raise these resources. In June 2019, we presented a [[w:Poor_People’s_Moral_Budget|Poor People’s Moral Budget]] to the House Budget Committee, showing that we can meet these needs for this entire country. '''If you had taken up this Moral Budget, we would have already moved towards infusing more than $1.2 trillion into the economy to invest in health care, good jobs, living wages, housing, water and sanitation services and more.<BR>This is not the time for trickle-down solutions. We know that when you lift from the bottom, everybody rises. There are concrete solutions to this immediate crisis and the longer term illnesses we have been battling for months, years and decades before. We will continue to organize and build power until you meet these demands. Many millions of us have been hurting for far too long. We will not be silent anymore.'''<br>With its broad sweep, the [[2020 coronavirus pandemic in the United States|COVID-19 pandemic]] has forced us into an unprecedented [[w:State of emergency|national emergency]]. This emergency, however, results from a deeper and much longer term crisis — that of [[Poverty in the United States|poverty]] and [[w:Inequality in the United States|inequality]], and of a [[w:Society of the United States|society]] that ignores the needs of 140 million people who are poor or a $400 emergency away from being poor. **[[Rev William Barber II]] in Letter to President [[Donald Trump]], Vice President [[Mike Pence]] and Members of the [[w:116th United States Congress|116th Congress]], ''[https://www.poorpeoplescampaign.org/poverty-amidst-pandemic/ Poverty Amidst Pandemic: A Moral Response to COVID-19]'' (March 19, 2020), co-written with [[Liz Theoharis]], [[Poor People's Campaign: A National Call for a Moral Revival]] [[File:Interfaith Health Care Vigil 6291113.jpg|thumb|Trump and Pence need to let the people go. They’ve been holding poor and low-wealth people hostage, essential workers hostage. It’s time for a change in this country. ~ [[Rev. William Barber II]] ]] *On the issue of the [[Economy of the United States|economy]], I think there couldn’t be a more fundamental difference between Donald Trump and [[Joe Biden]]. Joe Biden believes you measure the health and the strength of America’s economy based on the health and the strength of the American worker and the American family. On the other hand, you have '''Donald Trump, who measures the strength of the economy based on how rich people are doing, which is why he passed a tax bill benefiting the top 1% and the biggest corporations of America, leading to a $2 trillion deficit that the American people are going to have to pay for'''<br>'''Not only will Pence and Trump not acknowledge racism when it comes to police violence, they are not even acknowledging the disparate racism in economics and in healthcare, and... wanting to only secure the wealthy and the greedy...'''<BR> '''The Trump-Pence plan is talking about giving more money to the wealthy. In fact, the Trump-Pence-McConnell plan, they refuse to pass a stimulus because they want another $200 billion in tax cuts''', they want money for a fighter jet, and they want to protect corporations from liability when those corporations didn’t protect their people from coronavirus. **[[Rev William Barber II]], quoted in [https://www.democracynow.org/2020/10/8/mike_pence_kamala_harris_vp_debate Rev. William Barber: Millions Are Struggling. So Why Do the Debates Ignore Poverty?, ''DemocracyNow''], (8 October 2020) *What I saw in [[North Carolina]], what we defeated in North Carolina, what we filed suit against in North Carolina, is now what Trump and Pence are talking about doing on the national level: surgical racism with surgical precision... '''Pence and Trump don’t believe in [[W:Voting Rights Act|the Voting Rights Act]]... They know they cannot win if everybody votes. They are terribly afraid of poor and low-wealth Black and Brown people voting.'''<br>And then stop saying Trump won the last time. He was elected by the Electoral College because of 80,000 votes. We have to end this mythology that he had some kind of superpower. The fact of the matter is, 100 million people did not vote. .. I couldn’t help but go to the [[Book of Exodus]], where it talked about where God said, “If you don’t let my people go, I’m going to cause flies to come as a sign of what’s wrong. But I won’t let the flies be on the people, but the fly will be a symbol that you’re just wrong. You’re lying. Let my people go.” And Trump and Pence need to let the people go. They’ve been holding poor and low-wealth people hostage, essential workers hostage. It’s time for a change in this country. **[[Rev. William Barber II]] in [https://www.democracynow.org/2020/10/8/rev_william_barber_voting_2020 Rev. William Barber on Voter Suppression: Republicans Know They Can’t Win If Everyone Casts a Ballot'], [[w:Democracy Now!|''Democracy Now!'']], (8 October 2020) * '''Donald Trump's voice is resonating with average Americans who feel their voice has been lost by their party. I believe this will become a new Republican Party, one that we should embrace. We should be the party of working men and women, the party of America first.''' ** {{w|Lou Barletta}}, as quoted in [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-politics/wp/2016/03/22/lou-barletta-an-immigration-hard-liner-in-congress-endorses-trump/ "Lou Barletta, an immigration hard-liner in Congress, endorses Trump"] by Robert Costa, ''The Washington Post'' (22 March 2016) * Orchestrating a mob to pressure [[Congress]] is inexcusable. ** William Barr, Former Attorney General, as quoted in [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/congress/barr-says-trump-s-conduct-betrayal-presidency-n1253281 "Barr says Trump's conduct is a 'betrayal' of the presidency"] January 7 2021 <i> NBC News </i> * You can’t trust him. * He has no principles. None. None. * His goddamned tweet and the lying, oh, my God. * The change of stories. The lack of preparation. The lying. Holy shit. ** [[w:Maryanne Trump Barry|Maryanne Trump Barry]], sister of Donald Trump, as quoted in [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-politics/wp/2016/03/22/lou-barletta-an-immigration-hard-liner-in-congress-endorses-trump/ Trump’s Sister Says He Is a Liar With “No Principles” in Secret Recordings: “You Can’t Trust Him”] by Daniel Politi, ''Slate'' (22 August 2020) *Iran's actions can hardly be said to have occurred in a vacuum... it has been the recent policy of "maximum pressure" on Tehran under the incoherent foreign policy of the Trump administration that has exacerbated the current tensions... the [[W:United States withdrawal from the Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action|Trump administration has withdrawn]] unilaterally from the internationally agreed – and successful – [[w:Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action|Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action (JCPOA) of 2015]]... It is not hard, then, to see how these moves might be viewed in Tehran: as part of an escalating offensive from multiple sources threatening its own home front in a campaign of [[w:economic warfare|economic warfare]] designed to weaken the regime....The depth of the US stake in this increasingly dangerous game is far harder to judge, given the usual confusion of Trump's flip-flopping and the machinations of Bolton... All of which leaves us to contemplate the most frightening element of all in a complex crisis: that the current occupant of the White House lacks any of the skills required to successfully defuse it. **[[Peter Beaumont (journalist)|Peter Beaumont]] in [https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2019/jun/14/trump-iran-oil-tanker-attacks ''Trump's fanned the flames in Iran, now the fire risks getting out of control, The Guardian,''] (14 June 2019) *When conservatives desperately needed allies in the fight against big government, Donald Trump didn't stand on the sidelines. He consistently advocated that your money be spent, that your government grow, and that your Constitution be ignored... Trump's potential primary victory would provide Hillary Clinton with the easiest imaginable path to the White House. But it's far worse than that. If Donald Trump wins the Republican nomination, there will once again be no opposition to an ever-expanding government. This is a crisis for [[conservatism]]. And, once again, this crisis will not go to waste. **[[Glenn Beck]], [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination "Conservatives Against Trump"] (21 January 2016), ''National Review'' *'''Donald Trump, I really truly believe is a very dangerous man. If you listen to the things he said''' this weekend... 'I could go onto Fifth Avenue and shoot people and I wouldn't lose a vote'. '''He has joked about killing reporters''' — and 'not' killing reporters like [[Vladimir Putin|Putin]] does... We don't change with the mood of the country. That is the problem with our country right now. The Constitution is to anchor us in principles that help temper the mood of the country... The mood of the country is very angry, but you never make a good decision when you are angry... The worst thing we can do is to now start looking at, who is going to get revenge? One of the things that Donald Trump does, when you have a guy who is angry and then has an enemies list and starts to just take people down over and over and over again — if you disagree with him, he destroys you. If that is the mood of the country, we are in more trouble than I thought. **[[Glenn Beck]], [http://www.cnn.com/2016/01/25/politics/glenn-beck-donald-trump-dangerous/index.html interview on ''New Day''] (January 2016), ''CNN'', Georgia: Cable News Network * '''Trump may be vulgar, Trump may be abrasive, but in terms of racism, corruption, and destruction, he is Mr[[Reagan]]'s true heir. Trump's Republican Party is what it has been at least since the 1980s, only more so.''' ** Larry Beinhart ''[https://www.aljazeera.com/indepth/opinion/donald-ronald-190811202546763.html Donald and Ronald]'', 12 August 2019, ''{{w|Al Jazeera English}}''. * "The words from his mouths begin in foolishness, and his talk ends in wicked madness, yet Trump talks on and on." ** [[w:Shlomo ben David|Shlomo Ben-David]] on [[w:Ro'im Olam|''Ro'im Olam'']], May 12, 2018. * He does not seem to be able to differentiate between fact and fiction. ** Ben Berzin jr., Midatlantic Bank, quoted by Steven Malanga in [https://www.manhattan-institute.org/html/donald-trump-art-tease-3007.html Donald Trump: The Art of the Tease] (06 April 2011), ''{{w|Manhattan Institute}}'' * The evidence shows: Donald Trump cannot retain an ally, keep a promise, uphold a principle, maintain a story, change a mind or show a heart. ** [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Preet_Bharara Preet Bharara] on [https://twitter.com/preetbharara/status/917198254923710464?lang=de Twitter] (8 October 2017) *When it comes to COVID-19, after months of doing nothing, other than predicting the virus would disappear or maybe, if you drank bleach, you may be okay, Trump has simply given up. **[[Joe Biden]] on [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/biden-unveils-1st-portion-build-back-economic-plan/story?id=71681986 9 July 2020] regarding Trump's April 2020 citation of [[William Bryan]]'s research regarding disinfectants: Trump never specified using bleach or ingesting it * In an age of pussified [[political correctness]], you have to respect the people who remain unfiltered. ** {{w|Dan Bilzerian}}, as quoted in [http://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/news/263480-instagram-star-praises-unfiltered-trump "'King of Instagram' praises 'unfiltered' Trump"] by Jesse Byrnes, ''The Hill'' (16 December 2015) *Donald found out about [Cohn's [[HIV/AIDS|HIV]] diagnosis] and just dropped him like a hot potato. It was like night and day. ** Susan Bell, longtime secretary of Trump's lawyer {{W|Roy Cohn}}, as quoted in [http://theweek.com/speedreads/617343/donald-trump-turned-back-closest-friend-when-heard-aids Donald Trump turned his back on his closest friend when he heard he had AIDS], at ''{{W|The Week}}'', published April 8, 2016 * Donald Trump was a [[joke]] until nominated, unelectable until elected, incompetent until he succeeded on most fronts, and about to be impeached until he debunked the collusion nonsense; he has had a very [[success]]ful year. His enemies have been weighed in the balance and they have been found wanting. They shall have their reward. ** [[Conrad Black]], "[http://www.nationalreview.com/article/454754/donald-trump-2017-successful Trump's Whirlwind Year]", ''National Review'' (December 19, 2017) * ...it is merely Marxist drivel to think that employers have more power than employees (tell that to Michael Jordan and Jerry Reinsdorf) or landlords than tenants (tell that to the landlord of Bill Gates or Donald Trump). ** [[w:Walter Block|Walter E. Block]], ''The Case for Discrimination'' (2010, Ludwig von Mises Institute) p. 404 *Americans think it would be better to have a businessman than a politician as president, and I sympathize with them. Alas, the only businessmen crazy enough to run for president seem to be, well, crazy. At least [[Ross Perot]] kept his craziness confined mostly to private matters, such as the looming disruption of his daughter's wedding. Donald Trump puts it front and center. From a [[Libertarianism|libertarian]] point of view, and I think serious conservatives and liberals would share this view, Trump's greatest offenses against American tradition and our founding principles are his [[w:Nativism|nativism]] and his promise of one-man rule. Not since [[George Wallace]] has there been a presidential candidate who made racial and religious scapegoating so central to his campaign. Trump launched his campaign talking about Mexican rapists and has gone on to rant about mass deportation, bans on Muslim immigration, shutting down mosques, and building a wall around America. America is an exceptional nation in large part because we've aspired to rise above such prejudices and guarantee life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness to everyone. ** {{w|David Boaz}}, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination "Conservatives Against Trump"] (21 January 2016), ''{{w|National Review}}'' * Where Washington and New York-based GOP leaders pledge outreach to immigrants, moderate Muslims and other [[minorities]], the reality TV star plays more overt racial politics than any national candidate since [[George Wallace]]. Trump's brand of nativist, nationalist isolationism marked the path to victory. ** Igor Bobic and Ryan Grim, [http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/donald-trump-south-carolina_us_56c87f72e4b041136f1725b8 "What Donald Trump's Win In South Carolina Says About The Republican Party"] (20 February 2016), ''The Huffington Post''. * Trump spoke with [[Xi Jinping]] by phone on June 18, ahead of [[w:2019 G20 Osaka summit|2019's Osaka G20 summit]], when they would next meet. Trump began by telling Xi he missed him and then said that the most popular thing he had ever been involved with was making a trade deal with China, which would be a big plus politically. They agreed their economic teams could continue meeting. The [[w:2018 G20 Buenos Aires summit|G20 bilateral]] arrived, and during the usual media mayhem at the start, Trump said, "we've become friends. My trip to Beijing with my family was one of the most incredible of my life." With the press gone, Xi said this is the most important bilateral relationship in the world. He said that some (unnamed) political figures in the United States were making erroneous judgments by calling for a new cold war, this time between [[China–United States relations|China and the United States]]. Whether Xi meant to finger the [[Democratic Party (United States)|Democrats]], or some of us sitting on the US side of the table, I don't know, but Trump immediately assumed Xi meant the Democrats. Trump said approvingly that there was great hostility among the Democrats. He then, stunningly, turned the conversation to the [[2020 United States presidential election|coming US presidential election]], alluding to China's economic capability to affect the ongoing campaigns, pleading with Xi to ensure he'd win. He stressed the importance of farmers, and increased Chinese purchases of soybeans and wheat in the electoral outcome. I would print Trump's exact words, but the government's prepublication review process [[w:Censorship in the United States#Trump administration|has decided otherwise]]. ** [[John Bolton]], ''{{w|The Room Where It Happened}}'', ''{{w|Simon & Schuster}}'', 2020, [https://books.google.com/books?id=QjTMDwAAQBAJ&pg=PT202 p. 202] {{cite book |isbn=978-1-9821-4805-8}} *Trump... though representing the most reactionary US government in recent memory, paradoxically has also led to an opening to challenge US power. The first reason is that he and his administration are much less disciplined about obscuring their true intentions behind insincere proclamations of benevolent motives. Whereas the [[George W. Bush]] administration in the run up to the Iraq War successfully manufactured consent amongst a large swath of the US public by scaring them over false claims about "[[Iraq and weapons of mass destruction|weapons of mass destruction]]," the Trump administration doesn't even hide the fact that its foreign policy is motivated by advancing the US economic interests. **Peter Bolton of ''[[W:CounterPunch|CounterPunch]]'', [https://www.counterpunch.org/2019/06/27/the-failed-venezuelan-coup-and-the-decline-of-us-hegemony/ ''The Failed Venezuelan Coup and the Decline of US Hegemony,''] (27 June 2019) * Trump is a [[Fascism|fascist]]. And that's not a term I use loosely or often. But he's earned it. ** [[Max Boot]], [https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/donald-trump-isnt-todays-wendell-willkie-hes-todays-benito-mussolini/2015/12/08/77c81b0c-9ddc-11e5-a3c5-c77f2cc5a43c_story.html ''Twitter''] (2015) * Republican Party is dead. ... It has been killed by Donald Trump. * Trump is an ignorant [[demagogue]] who traffics in [[racist]] and [[misogynistic]] slurs and [[crazy]] [[conspiracy theories]]. He champions protectionism and isolationism — the policies that brought us the [[Great Depression]] and [[World War II]]. He wants to undertake a police-state roundup of undocumented immigrants and to bar [[Muslims]] from coming to this country. He encourages his followers to assault protesters and threatens to sue or smear critics. He would abandon [[Japan]] and [[South Korea]] and break up the most successful alliance in [[history]] — {{w|NATO}}. But he has kind words for [[tyrant]]s such as [[Vladimir Putin]]. There has never been a major party nominee in U.S. history as unqualified for the presidency. The risk of Trump winning, however remote, represents the biggest national security threat that the United States faces today. * I only know one thing for sure: I won't vote for Trump. My hope is that he will lose by a landslide, and the Republican Party will come to its senses, rejecting both his ugly, nativist [[populism]] and the extreme, holier-than-thou conservatism represented by [[Ted Cruz]]. ** [[Max Boot]] {{Cite web|url=http://www.latimes.com/opinion/op-ed/la-oe-boot-republicans-in-exile-20160508-story.html|title=The Republican Party is dead|date=May 8, 2016|website=latimes.com|publisher={{w|Los Angeles Times}}}} * If an unapologetic {{w|ignoramus}} wins the presidency, the consequences will be no laughing matter. * Donald J. Trump, a presidential candidate who truly is the know-nothing his Republican predecessors only pretended to be ... It is genuinely terrifying that someone who advances such offensive and ridiculous proposals could win the nomination of a party once led by [[Teddy Roosevelt]], who wrote more books than Mr. Trump has probably read. It's one thing to appeal to voters by pretending to be an average guy. It's another to be an average guy who doesn't know the first thing about governing or public policy. The Trump acolytes claim it doesn't matter; he can hire experts to advise him. But experts always disagree with one another and it is the president alone who must make the most difficult decisions in the world. That's not something he can do since he lacks the most basic grounding in the issues and is prey to fundamental misconceptions. ** [[Max Boot]] {{Cite web|url=http://www.nytimes.com/2016/08/01/opinion/how-the-stupid-party-created-donald-trump.html|title=How the ‘Stupid Party' Created Trump|date=August 2, 2016|website=nytimes.com|publisher={{w|The New York Times}}}} * As media scramble to figure out Trump's evolving position on [[immigration]], remember he cares *only* about feeding his ego. Policy irrelevant. ** [[Max Boot]], [https://twitter.com/MaxBoot/status/767160352262029312 Twitter, August 20, 2016] * The GOP base is clearly disgusted and looking for new leadership. Enter Donald Trump, not just with policy prescriptions that challenge the cynical GOP leadership but with an attitude of disdain for that leadership—precisely in line with the sentiment of the base. Many conservatives are relishing this, but ah, the rub. Trump might be the greatest charlatan of them all. ** [[w:L. Brent Bozell III|L. Brent Bozell III]], [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination "Conservatives Against Trump"] (21 January 2016), ''National Review'' * It was spring, four years ago. Donald and Ivana Trump were seated at opposite ends of their long Sheraton table in Mrs. Marjorie Merriweather Post's former dining room. They were posed in imperial style, as if they were a king and queen. They were at the height of their ride, and it was plenty glorious. Trump was seen on the news shows offering his services to negotiate with the Russians. There was talk that he might make a run for president. Ivana had had so much publicity that she now offered interviewers a press kit of flattering clips. Anything seemed possible, the Trumps had grown to such stature in the golden city of New York. ** [[w:Marie Brenner|Marie Brenner]], [https://www.vanityfair.com/magazine/2015/07/donald-ivana-trump-divorce-prenup-marie-brenner/amp "After the Gold Rush"] (1 September, 1990), ''Vanity Fair'' *The [[Christian right|religious Right]] is the latest version of an old model of [[Politics of the United States|American politics]], variously incarnated by [[Puritanism|Puritans]], [[Abolitionism|abolitionists]], and [[William Jennings Bryan]]. It, like its predecessors, has argued that America and individual Americans need to have a godly or at least moral character to thrive. Now the religious Right adores [[w:Donald Trump|a thrice-married cad and casual liar]]. But it is not alone. Historians and psychologists of the martial virtues salute the bone-spurred draft-dodger whose Khe Sanh was not catching the clap. Cultural critics who deplored academic fads and slipshod aesthetics explicate a man who has never read a book, not even the ones he has signed. Followers of [[Harry V. Jaffa|Harry Jaffa]], the most important [[Abraham Lincoln|Lincoln]] scholar of the last 60 years, rally round a Republican who does not know why the [[American Civil War|Civil War]] happened. Straussians, after leaving the cave, find themselves in Mar-a-Lago. Econocons put their money on a serial bankrupt. **[[w:Richard Brookhiser|Richard Brookhiser]], [https://www.nationalreview.com/magazine/2018/02/17/william-f-buckley-trump-conservatism-needs-rebuilding/ "WFB Today"] (16 February 2018), ''National Review'' * Donald Trump betrays. It can start with Trump University, where Trump betrayed schoolteachers and others who dreamed of building a better life for themselves. ** [[David Brooks]], [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/03/04/opinion/donald-trump-the-great-betrayer.html?rref=opinion "Donald Trump, the Great Betrayer"] (4 March 2016), ''The New York Times'' * Donald Trump just has more courage. Whatever you might think of him, and I don't think much of him, but he has more courage than his opponents... He's a marketing genius who offers no substance. And people either got pushed into [[w:Subprime loans|subprime loans]] by [[w:Trump Mortgage|Trump Mortgage]], or they got suckered into racking up huge [[w:Credit card debt|credit card debt]] to buy courses on [[w:Trump University|Trump University]], and they were left high and dry when those things went belly up. And so that's a story that I think can be told. In a country which is feeling betrayed, he is a mass and serial betrayer... Given the numbers now, it's very hard to see he could win, given the huge numbers of Americans, the vast majority of Americans who say they could not support the guy. And I still find it hard to believe that somebody as policy-thin and as knowledge-thin would very well — he might be able to wear well with the electorate that we have. ** [[David Brooks]], as quoted in [http://www.pbs.org/newshour/bb/shields-and-brooks-on-the-gop-push-to-stop-trump/ "Shields and Brooks on the GOP push to stop Trump"] (4 March 2016), ''PBS NewsHour'' * Are we really here? Is this really happening? Is this America? Are we a great country talking about trying to straddle the world and create opportunity in this country? It's just mind-boggling. And we have sort of become acculturated, because this campaign has been so ugly. We have become acculturated to sleaze and unhappiness that you just want to shower from every 15 minutes. The Trump comparison of the looks of the wives, he does have, over the course of his life, a consistent misogynistic view of women as arm candy, as pieces of meat. It's a consistent attitude toward women which is the stuff of a diseased adolescent. And so we have seen a bit of that show up again. But if you go back over his past, calling into radio shows bragging about his affairs, talking about his sex life in public, he is childish in his immaturity. And his — even his [[misogyny]] is a childish misogyny. And that's why I do not think Republicans, standard Republicans, can say, yes, I'm going to vote for this guy because he's our nominee. He's of a different order than your normal candidate. And this whole week is just another reminder of that... The odd thing about his whole career and his whole language, his whole world view is there is no room for love in it. You get a sense of a man who received no love, can give no love, so his relationship with women, it has no love in it. It's trophy. And his relationship toward the world is one of competition and beating, and as if he's going to win by competition what other people get by love. And so you really are seeing someone who just has an odd psychology unleavened by kindness and charity, but where it's all winners and losers, beating and being beat. And that's part of the authoritarian personality, but it comes out in his attitude towards women. ** [[David Brooks]], as quoted in [http://www.pbs.org/newshour/bb/shields-and-brooks-on-trump-cruz-wife-feud-isis-terror-in-brussels/ "Shields and Brooks on Trump-Cruz wife feud, ISIS terror in Brussels"] (25 March 2016), ''PBS NewsHour'' * You need to be an outsider to be a change agent. There's only one person who can do that. And that is Donald Trump. ** {{w|Scott Brown}} endorsing Donald Trump, as quoted in [http://thehill.com/blogs/ballot-box/gop-primaries/267988-brown-trump-is-the-agent-of-change-to-fix-washington "Brown: Trump is the ‘agent of change' to fix Washington"] by Elliot Smilowitz, ''The Hill'' (2 February 2016) *a wartime president, with blue states, rather than any foreign nation, as the enemy. **[[Ron Brownstein]] attributed in ''The Cruelty is the Point'' by [[Adam Serwer]] (2021), p 228 * Trump is sui generis, unlike any candidate of recent times. And his success is attributable not only to his stance on issues, but to his persona, his defiance of [[political correctness]], his relish of political combat with all comers, his "damn the torpedos" charging in frontally where others refuse to tread... ** [[Pat Buchanan]] — [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-fix/wp/2016/01/12/pat-buchanan-believes-donald-trump-is-the-future-of-the-republican-party/ "Pat Buchanan says Donald Trump is the future of the Republican Party"], ''The Washington Post'' (12 January 2016) *When he looks at a glass, he is mesmerized by its reflection. If Donald Trump were shaped a little differently, he would compete for Miss America. **[[William F. Buckley]], as quoted in [https://www.nationalreview.com/magazine/2018/02/17/william-f-buckley-trump-conservatism-needs-rebuilding/ "WFB Today"] (16 February 2018), by [[w:Richard Brookhiser|Richard Brookhiser]], ''National Review'' * I do not support Trump, and believe he would be a disastrous president and {{w|commander in chief}}.<br>Trump has no coherent [[organizing]] economic philosophy, spent decades acting like and supporting traditional [[liberal]] [[Democrats]], has repeatedly shifted his positions on major issues and has little more trust from economists than he has earned among the general electorate.<br>Trump is that he is a {{w|crony capitalist}}, who now states that he supported the Clintons and other liberals with donations for so long because he wanted to obtain influence with them while they were in [[power]]. He has led several businesses to [[bankruptcy]]. He has called himself the "king of debt," a description that [[Gary Johnson|Johnson]] or [[Ron Paul|Paul]] and other leading libertarians would never use to describe themselves. ... The viewpoints offered by Trump seem to change like the leaves that change their colors when summer gives way to fall. ... Can anyone suggest we know what Trump will believe tomorrow, or the day after tomorrow? ** [[Brent Budowsky]], ''[http://thehill.com/blogs/pundits-blog/presidential-campaign/291092-why-libertarian-gary-johnson-must-be-included-in Why Libertarian Gary Johnson must be included in debates]'', ''[[w:The Hill (newspaper)|The Hill]]'' (August 11, 2016) * He is his own art installation he is his own performance of himself, I don't know what else I can spin other than wonder, you know, who that 5-year old boy was and what his dad was telling him ** [[Bo Burnham]] on [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qbPxMsOKQ5o video (4:30)] (Writers Roundtable: [[John Krasinski]], Bo Burnham, [[Tamara Jenkins]], [[Peter Farrelly]], [[Eric Roth]] | Close Up) posted February 11, 2019 * The President bears responsibility for today’s events by promoting the unfounded conspiracy theories that have led to this point. It is past time to accept the will of American voters and to allow our nation to move forward. ** Richard Burr, quoted in [https://thehill.com/homenews/senate/533034-richard-burr-says-trump-bears-responsibility-for-riot "GOP senator says Trump 'bears responsibility' for Capitol riot"] 7 January 2021 <i> The Hill </i> * And we, all of us, the Jews, helped them get there. ** [[Bradley Burston]], ''[http://www.haaretz.com/world-news/u-s-election-2016/1.752064 Trump's Win, the Greatest Victory for anti-Semitism in America Since 1941]'', ''{{w|Haaretz}}'' (10-11-2016) * It’s difficult to say that the [[prosperity gospel]] itself led to Donald Trump’s inauguration. Again, only 17 percent of American Christians identify with it explicitly. It’s far more true, however, to say that the same cultural forces that led to the prosperity gospel’s proliferation in America — individualism, an affinity for ostentatious and charismatic leaders, the [[Protestant work ethic]], and a cultural obsession with the power of “positive thinking” — shape how we, as a nation, approach politics. ** Tara Isabella Burton, [https://www.vox.com/identities/2017/9/1/15951874/prosperity-gospel-explained-why-joel-osteen-believes-prayer-can-make-you-rich-trump “The prosperity gospel, explained: Why Joel Osteen believes that prayer can make you rich”], ''Vox'', (Sep 1, 2017) *two years into the Trump administration it was obvious to people why we needed unapologetic progressives in the House. The vile, white supremacist, sexist, bigoted Trump administration spewed lies, targeted Black and brown women elected officials, made a mockery of our democracy, and emboldened fascists. **[[Cori Bush]] The Forerunner: A Story of Pain and Perseverance in America (2022) p 227 * '''He's an ass.''' ** [[George H. W. Bush]] in 2011 interviewed by [[Maureen Dowd]] of ''[[w:The New York Times|The New York Times]]'' ({{cite news |first=Maureen |last=Dowd |authorlink=Maureen Dowd |date=December 2, 2018 |accessdate=December 10, 2018 |title=The Patrician President and the Reporterette: A Screwball Story |url=https://www.nytimes.com/2018/12/02/opinion/george-hw-bush-maureen-dowd.html |newspaper=[[w:The New York Times|The New York Times]]}}; {{cite news |url=https://www.cnn.com/2018/12/05/politics/presidents-club-trump-bush-funeral/index.html |agency=[[w:CNN|CNN]] |title=Uneasy presidents club convenes at Bush funeral |first1=Kevin |last1=Liptak |first2=Jeff |last2=Zeleny |authorlink2=w:Jeff Zeleny |date=December 5, 2018 |accessdate=December 10, 2018}}; {{cite news |title=George W. Bush Eulogizes 'Best Father' at Solemn State Funeral |magazine=[[w:Fortune (magazine)|Fortune]] |date=December 5, 2018 |accessdate=December 10, 2018 |agency=[[w:Bloomberg News|Bloomberg News]] |url=http://fortune.com/2018/12/05/george-hw-bush-eulogy-funeral/}}; {{cite news |title=George W. Bush Eulogizes ‘Best Father' at Solemn State Funeral |first=Jennifer |last=Epstein |date=December 5, 2018 |accessdate=December 10, 2018 |agency=[[w:Bloomberg News|Bloomberg News]] |url=https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2018-12-05/trump-bush-family-set-aside-mutual-disdain-for-state-funeral}}; {{cite book |title=The Year of Voting Dangerously: The Derangement of American Politics |first=Maureen |last=Dowd |authorlink=Maureen Dowd |publisher=[[w:Grand Central Publishing|Grand Central Publishing]] |year=2016 |isbn=9781455539246}}; {{cite news |title=Trump breaks character in show of respect for George H.W. Bush |newspaper=[[w:Newsday|Newsday]] |first1=William |last1=Goldschlag |first2=Dan |last2=Janison |date=December 3, 2018 |accessdate=December 10, 2018 |url=https://www.newsday.com/long-island/politics/trump-bush-mueller-china-nafta-1.24156908}}) * '''We've seen nationalism distorted into nativism – forgotten the dynamism that [[immigration]] has always brought to America. We see a fading confidence in the value of [[Free market|free markets]] and international trade – forgetting that conflict, instability, and poverty follow in the wake of [[w:Protectionism|protectionism]].''' ** [[George W. Bush]], indirectly referencing Trump, [https://www.npr.org/2017/10/19/558788556/george-w-bush-slams-bigotry-politics-of-populism-that-led-to-trump-sanders "George W. Bush Slams 'Bigotry,' Politics Of Populism That Led To Trump, Sanders"], ''[[w:NPR|NPR]]'', (October 19, 2017) * Whatever his views are this morning, they might change this afternoon, and they were different than they were last night, and they'll be different tomorrow. ... They seem to be ever, ever-changing, depending on what crowd he's in front of. Sounds like a typical politician, by the way, where you get in front of one crowd and say one thing, and then say something else to another crowd that may want to hear a different view. All the things that Donald Trump railed against, he seems to be morphing into — it's kind of disturbing. ... He doesn't believe in things, this is all a game. ** [[Jeb Bush]], about Trump's views — ''[https://www.buzzfeed.com/andrewkaczynski/jeb-bush-says-hes-not-buying-the-trump-immigration-shift?utm_term=.xtWW3bwaw#.iaPobDJKJ Jeb Bush Says He's Not Buying The Trump Immigration Shift]'', ''{{w|BuzzFeed}}'' (August 25, 2016) *Donald Trump Is Bad for Israel via @NYTimes. Hopefully our President will reverse his decision to abandon [[Syria]]. **[[Jeb Bush]] on [https://twitter.com/jebbush/status/1078111467558313984 26 December 2018] * [[Donald Trump]] destroyed the Reagan Republican paradigm in 2016, but he didn’t exactly elucidate a new set of ideas, policies, and alliances. Trump’s devastation of the old order produced a grand struggle on the right to build a new one on Trumpian populist lines. <br>The NatCons are wrong to think there is a unified thing called “the left” that hates America. This is just the apocalyptic menace many of them had to invent in order to justify their decision to vote for Donald Trump. <br>They are wrong, too, to think there is a wokeist Anschluss taking over all the institutions of American life. For people who spend so much time railing about the evils of social media, they sure seem to spend an awful lot of their lives on [[Twitter]]. Ninety percent of their discourse is about the discourse. Anecdotalism was also rampant at the conference—generalizing from three anecdotes about people who got canceled to conclude that all of American life is a woke hellscape. They need to get out more. ** [[David Brooks]], as quoted in [https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2021/11/scary-future-american-right-national-conservatism-conference/620746/ The Terrifying Future of the American Right (18 November 2021), ''The Atlantic''] * In 1995, when he offered this company, if a monkey had thrown a dart, at the stock page, the monkey on average would've made 150 percent. But the people that believed in him, who listened to his siren song, ended up losing well over 90 cents in the dollar. They got back less than a dime. ** [https://www.reuters.com/article/usa-election-buffett-idCNW1N1A004G Warren Buffett] === C === [[File:Donald Trump supporters (25218962886).jpg|thumb|They love him in spite of everything they've heard. They love him, often, in spite of himself. They're not deluded. They know exactly who Trump is. They love him anyway. They love Donald Trump because no one else loves them. ~ [[Tucker Carlson]]]] * Hillary is stealing America, whereas Donald Trump is trying to save our society. ** [[Herman Cain]], on "{{w|Hannity}}" (29 July 2016) [http://www.foxnews.com/transcript/2016/07/29/reince-priebus-reality-will-catch-up-with-hillary-clinton-gorka-dnc-has-been/ transcript] *If this guy pretends that closing the borders to anywhere either for trade (or) for people is going to provide prosperity to the United States, he is completely crazy... He is not very well informed. ** [[w:Felipe Calderón|Felipe Calderón]], [http://www.cnbc.com/2016/02/08/mexico-wont-pay-single-cent-for-trumps-stupid-wall.html interview with CNBC] (6 February 2016). * If he came to visit [[United Kingdom|our country]], I think he would unite us all against him. ** [[David Cameron]], as quoted in [http://www.edition.cnn.com/2016/01/18/politics/donald-trump-uk-united-kingdom-ban/index.html "Donald Trump debate: Could UK really ban him?"] (18 January 2016), by Max Foster, ''CNN'', [[Georgia (U.S. state)|Georgia]]: Cable News Network * He's a talker, a boaster, a booster, a compulsive self-promoter. At times, he's a full-blown BS artist. ** [[Tucker Carlson]], as quoted in ''[https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-tucker-carlson-fox-news-liar-inauguration-election-a9222061.html Fox News host Tucker Carlson admits media is right about Trump's lying: 'He's a full-blown BS artist']'' by Conrad Duncan, 28 November 2019, ''{{w|The Independent}}'' * You can regularly say embarrassing things on [[television]], you can hire [[Omarosa Manigault Newman|Omarosa]] to work at the White House. All of that will be forgiven if you protect your people. But if you do not protect them... then you’re done. ** [[Tucker Carlson]], as quoted in ''[https://www.thedailybeast.com/tucker-carlson-blames-jared-kushner-for-trumps-protest-catastrophe Tucker Carlson Blames Jared Kushner for Trump’s Protest Catastrophe]'' by Justin Baragona, ''Daily Beast'' (June 1, 2020) * Millions of Americans sincerely love Donald Trump. '''They love him in spite of everything they've heard. They love him, often, in spite of himself. They're not deluded. They know exactly who Trump is. They love him anyway. They love Donald Trump because no one else loves them.''' The country they built, the country their ancestors fought for over hundreds of years, has left them to die in unfashionable little towns, mocked and despised by the sneering halfwits with finance degrees -- but no actual skills -- who seem to run everything all of a sudden. Whatever Donald Trump's faults, he is better than the rest of the people in charge. At least he doesn't hate them for their weakness. Donald Trump, in other words, is and has always been a living indictment of the people who run this country. That was true four years ago when he came out of nowhere to win the presidency. And it's every bit as true right now, maybe even more true than it's ever been. It will remain true regardless of whether Donald Trump wins reelection. **[[Tucker Carlson]], as quoted in {{citation|date=November 2, 2020|first=Tucker|last=Carlson|periodical=Fox News|url=https://www.foxnews.com/opinion/tucker-carlson-2020-election-trump-supporters-love-him|title=Tucker Carlson: Why Donald Trump's supporters love him so much}}; {{citation|date=November 2, 2020|first=Christina|last=Zhao|periodical=Newsweek|url=https://www.newsweek.com/tucker-carlson-says-millions-americans-love-donald-trump-because-no-one-else-loves-them-1544219|title=Tucker Carlson Says Millions of Americans Love Donald Trump 'Because No One Else Loves Them'}} * I've come to know Donald Trump, he is actually a very intelligent man who cares deeply about America. ** [[Ben Carson]] endorsing Donald Trump, as quoted in [http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/politics/6994118/He-is-actually-a-very-intelligent-man-Former-candidate-Ben-Carson-endorses-Donald-Trump.html "'He is actually a very intelligent man'; Former candidate Ben Carson endorses Donald Trump"] by Alain Tolhurst, ''The Sun'' (11 March 2016) * The American people are smart enough to pick a new administration if they don’t like the old one. And they just did. * He was removed by the voters. ** Bruce Castor, lawyer for Trump, said after Trump lost the 2020 election, as quoted by {{citation | date = 2021-02-09 | title = WATCH: Lawyer for Trump concedes he lost election during impeachment trial | newspaper = PBS News Hour | url = https://www.pbs.org/newshour/politics/watch-lawyer-for-trump-concedes-he-lost-election-during-impeachment-trial }} *Trump hit the established world of American politics like a rogue wave, obliterating almost all political precedent. He'd begun his campaign by suggesting that most undocumented Mexican immigrants were rapists and murderers, then later accused an American-born federal judge who was presiding over fraud claims against Trump University of being unable to do his job because of his Mexican heritage. **[[Julian Castro]] ''An Unlikely Journey: Waking Up from My American Dream'' (2018) *what I think is important for folks to realize out there — and now I’m speaking, you know, directly to the Latinx community — is that it’s night and day with Joe Biden versus Donald Trump. Donald Trump has been the cruelest, most ill-intentioned president when it comes to not only immigrants, migrants, but the broader Latino community, scapegoated the community, otherized the community, uses it as a political piñata. And Joe Biden is somebody who brings compassion, who brings understanding, and, most importantly — because what you want to judge politicians on is, OK, what are you going to do, and what is your track record — has a track record of expanding opportunity, with Barack Obama. The Affordable Care Act expanded healthcare to 4 million — more than 4 million Latinx folks in this country. On educational opportunity, on violence against women, on housing opportunity. I remember going to [[Delaware]] with him — I think it was Veterans Day of 2016 — and marking the effective end of veteran homelessness there in Wilmington, and seeing how much that meant to him. So, this is somebody that is going to work to make life better for everybody in this country, in a way that Donald Trump — as Michelle Obama pointed out, Donald Trump just isn’t up to it and doesn’t want to do it. **[[Julian Castro]] [https://www.democracynow.org/2020/8/18/julian_castro_dnc_latinx_representation Interview] with Democracy Now (August 2020) * Okay, look, this is weird. Because a lot of people on both sides are saying there's nothing funny about Trump being hospitalized with coronavirus. And those people are obviously wrong. There's a lot funny about this. Maybe not from a moral standpoint. But mathematically, if you were constructing a joke, this has all the ingredients you need. The problem is, it’s almost too funny. Like, it’s so on the nose. It would be like if I were making fun of people who wear belts and my pants just immediately fell down. ** [[Michael Che]] on ''[[Saturday Night Live]]'', October 3, 2020, quoted in [https://www.washingtonpost.com/arts-entertainment/2020/10/04/snl-premiere-trump-covid-jim-carrey-joe-biden/ "SNL premiere does not hold back on jokes about Trump’s coronavirus diagnosis: ‘It’s almost too funny’"], ''The Washington Post''. * [[Trump]] probably met discharge requirements Sunday ** [[w:Sean Conley|Dr Sean Conley]] (Physician to the President) via [https://www.cnbc.com/video/2020/10/05/dr-conley-trump-probably-met-discharge-requirements-sunday.html cnbc video]on October 5, 2020 *The myriad vulgarities of Donald Trump—examples of which are retailed daily on Web sites and front pages these days—are not news to those of us who have been living downwind of him for any period of time. I first encountered Trump more than 30 years ago. Back then he was a flashy go-getter from an outer borough eager to make his name in [[Manhattan (borough)|Manhattan]] real estate. Which he succeeded in doing in the only way he knew how: by putting his name in oversize type on anything he was associated with—buildings, yes, but also [[vodka]], golf courses, starchy ties, and even a sham of a [[Real estate|real-estate]] school... Just to drive him a little bit crazy, I took to referring to him as a "short-fingered vulgarian" in the pages of ''Spy'' magazine. That was more than a quarter of a century ago. To this day, I receive the occasional envelope from Trump. There is always a photo of him—generally a tear sheet from a magazine. On all of them he has circled his hand in gold Sharpie in a valiant effort to highlight the length of his fingers. ** {{w|Graydon Carter}}, [http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/2015/10/graydon-carter-donald-trump "Why Donald Trump Will Always Be a "Short-Fingered Vulgarian"], ''Vanity Fair'' (November 2015) * I think I would choose Trump, which may surprise some of you, but the reason is Trump has proven already that he's completely malleable. I don't think he has any fixed opinions that he would really go to the White House and fight for. [[Ted Cruz]] is not malleable. He has {{w|far right-wing}} policies, in my opinion, that would be pursued aggressively if and when he would become president. ** [[Jimmy Carter]] to the {{w|House of Lords}}, when asked about the {{w|2016 United States presidential election}}. As quoted in ''[https://www.cbsnews.com/news/jimmy-carter-i-would-choose-donald-trump-over-ted-cruz/ Jimmy Carter: I would choose Donald Trump over Ted Cruz]'' (February 3, 2016) by Stephanie Condon, ''{{w|CBS News}}'' * I think the media have been harder on Trump than any other president certainly that I’ve known about, I think they feel free to claim that Trump is mentally deranged and everything else without hesitation. ** [[Jimmy Carter]], as quoted in [https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/onpolitics/2017/10/22/jimmy-carter-media-has-been-harder-trump-than-predecessors/788558001/ "Jimmy Carter: The media has been harder on Trump than predecessors"] by David Jackson, ''[[w:USA Today|USA Today]]'', (October 22, 2017) *At times he is extremely abrasive. I know that's kind of his campaign, but I think time will tell, he's already locked up in some controversial business and it certainly doesn't speak proudly for America that the person who sits in the Oval Office is involved in controversy, so that's never a good thing, but time will tell, a man's legacy is defined by time. ** [[John Cena]], as quoted in [https://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-4642784/If-John-Cena-got-ring-Donald-Trump.html "If John Cena 'got in the ring' with Donald Trump"] by Alex Michael, ''[[w:Daily Mail|Daily Mail]]'' (27 June 2017) *I can no longer in good conscience endorse this person for president. {{W|Donald Trump and Billy Bush recording|It}} is some of the most abhorrent and offensive comments that you can possibly imagine. My wife and I, we have a 15-year-old daughter, and if I can't look her in the eye and tell her these things, I can't endorse this person. ** {{w|Jason Chaffetz}}, [http://www.slate.com/blogs/the_slatest/2016/10/08/jason_chaffetz_pulls_trump_endorsement_because_he_has_a_15_year_old_daughter.html Jason Chaffetz Pulls Trump Endorsement Because He Has a 15-Year-Old Daughter] (October 2016) *We're all tying ourselves in knots about what Donald Trump said about Mexicans... Just as [[Dylann Roof]] doesn't represent [[white people]], Mexican rapists don't represent anyone other than themselves either... While I like a good brawl as much as the next person, it seems that Trump is the answer only if the question is: Why can't we get more oafish egomaniacs into politics? Just when the Republican Party needs finesse and sensitivity when discussing immigration; just when it needs to focus on issues that unite all sectors of the electorate, including Hispanic and Asian voters; it gets a blowhard with all the nuance of a grenade... Trump's smear about [[Mexican Americans|Mexican immigrants]] was about as far away as you can get from Ronald Reagan... He tarred most Mexican immigrants as drug dealers, criminals, and rapists, allowing only as an afterthought that some may be good people. He claimed to have discussed the matter with border guards. Would those officers please step forward? In any case, crude and vulgar people always preen that they are brave truth tellers. ** {{w|Mona Charen}}, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/420974/donald-trump-immigration-controversy-helps-democrats "The Trump Sideshow Plays Right into Democrats' Hands"] (10 July 2015), ''{{w|National Review}}'' *Put aside for a moment Trump's countless past departures from conservative principle on defense, racial quotas, abortion, taxes, single-payer health care, and immigration. That's right. In 2012, he derided Mitt Romney for being too aggressive on the question, and he's made extensive use of illegal-immigrant labor in his serially bankrupt businesses. The man has demonstrated an emotional immaturity bordering on personality disorder, and it ought to disqualify him from being a mayor, to say nothing of a commander-in-chief. Trump has made a career out of egotism, while conservatism implies a certain modesty about government. The two cannot mix... When a con man swindles you, you can sue—as many embittered former Trump associates who thought themselves ill used have done. When you elect a con man, there's no recourse. ** {{w|Mona Charen}}, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination "Conservatives Against Trump"] (21 January 2016), ''{{w|National Review}}''. *It seems, at times, as though your administration’s approach has more in common with Obama’s foreign policy than traditional Republican foreign policy. ** [[Dick Cheney]], speaking to Mike Pence, [https://www.politico.com/story/2019/03/11/cheney-mike-pence-foreign-policy-1216663 "Cheney grills Pence on Trump's foreign policy"], ''[[w:Politico|Politico]]'', (March 11, 2019) * In our nation’s 248-year history, there has never been an individual who is a greater threat to our republic than Donald Trump. He tried to steal the last election using lies and violence to keep himself in power after the voters had rejected him. He can never be trusted with power again.<br>As citizens, we each have a duty to put country above partisanship to defend our Constitution. That is why I will be casting my vote for Vice President Kamala Harris. ** [[Dick Cheney]], quoted in [https://www.huffpost.com/entry/dick-cheney-voting-kamala-harris_n_66db4cf4e4b07b62af62c35a "Dick Cheney Is Voting For Kamala Harris"], ''Huffington Post'' (September 6, 2024) * I don't believe that he should be playing a role in the future of the party or the country. ** [[Liz Cheney]], House GOP Conference Chair, R-Wyo., the third-ranking House Republican, as quoted in [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/awkward-moment-house-republican-leaders-clash-trump-speaking/story?id=76090236 "Awkward moment as House Republican leaders clash over Trump speaking at CPAC"], Benjamin Siegel, ABC News (24 February 2021) *President Trump has built the most powerful and most professional team in political history and, under his leadership, has overcome every single obstacle in his way. From the illegal witch-hunts to the weaponization of the justice system to an assassination attempt to the political coup of replacing Biden, the enemies of America will stop at nothing to prevent President Trump from returning to the White House. **Steven Cheung, Trump campaign spokesman, as quoted in [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-and-his-campaign-enter-turbulent-phase-in-final-weeks/ar-AA1qXkYW Trump and his campaign enter turbulent phase in final weeks], ''The Washington Post'' (September 21, 2024) * It's pretty easy to tell if a picture of Donald Trump is AI-Generated, okay? Here's the trick: If Donald Trump is in a picture and looks completely insane, then it's a real picture. ** [[Ronny Chieng]], ''[[The Daily Show]]'' (5 March 2024) *'''[President Trump] is perfectly right when he says we should have better relations with [[Russia]]'''. Being dragged through the mud for that is outlandish... ** [[Noam Chomsky]], [https://www.democracynow.org/2018/7/27/noam_chomsky_on_mass_media_obsession ''Noam Chomsky on Mass Media Obsession with Russia & the Stories Not Being Covered in the Trump Era''], ''[[w:Democracy Now!|Democracy Now!]]'' (27 July 2018) * The scale of [[Coronavirus pandemic|the plague]] is surprising, indeed shocking, but not its appearance...Trump has reacted during his years in office in the manner to which we have become accustomed: by defunding and dismantling every relevant part of government and assiduously implementing the instructions of his [[Corporatocracy|corporate masters]] to eliminate the [[regulation]]s that impede profits while saving lives — and leading the race to the abyss of {{w|environmental catastrophe}}, by far his greatest crime — in fact, the greatest crime in history when we consider the consequences. ** [[Noam Chomsky]], in an interview with C.J. Polychroniou, ''[https://truthout.org/articles/chomsky-ventilator-shortage-exposes-the-cruelty-of-neoliberal-capitalism/ Chomsky: Ventilator Shortage Exposes the Cruelty of Neoliberal Capitalism]'' (April 1, 2020), ''{{w|Truthout}}'' * Trump was not silent, however. He issued a stream of confident [[COVID-19 pandemic in the United States#President Trump|pronouncements]] informing the public that it was just a cough; he has everything under control; he gets a 10 out of 10 for his handling of the crisis; it’s very serious but he knew it was a pandemic before anyone else; and the rest of the sorry performance. The technique is well-designed, much like the practice of reeling out lies so fast that the very concept of truth vanishes. Whatever happens, Trump is sure to be vindicated among his loyal followers. ** [[Noam Chomsky]], in an interview with C.J. Polychroniou, ''[https://truthout.org/articles/chomsky-ventilator-shortage-exposes-the-cruelty-of-neoliberal-capitalism/ Chomsky: Ventilator Shortage Exposes the Cruelty of Neoliberal Capitalism]'' (April 1, 2020), ''{{w|Truthout}}'' * Donald is a leader. He is a successful person that, like me, isn't afraid to tell it like it is. Our system is broken and it won't be fixed from the inside. I am proud to offer my endorsement of his candidacy for President. ** [[Chris Christie]], endorsing Donald Trump for President, at a campaign rally in Fort Worth, TX [http://www.theguardian.com/us-news/live/2016/feb/26/us-election-2016-campaign-live-trump-rubio-cruz-super-tuesday-clinton-sanders] (2016) *Please stop it with voting for Trump. It was funny for a little while. But the guy is [[Adolf Hitler|Hitler]]. And by that I mean that we are being Germany in the 30s. Do you think they saw the shit coming? Hitler was just some hilarious and refreshing dude with a weird comb over. *Trump is not your best. He's the worst of all of us. He's a symptom to a problem that is very real. But don't vote for your own cancer. You're better than that. ** [[Louis C.K.]] in an email to fans, quoted in [http://variety.com/2016/tv/news/louis-c-k-donald-trump-insane-bigot-dangerous-1201723679/ Louis C.K. Compares Donald Trump to Hitler: ‘He's an Insane Bigot'] (2016) *Using Aiden as a political tool is, to say the least, reprehensible for any political purpose. They make it seem as though our wonderful Aiden appreciates your hate that we should follow their hate. Morally bankrupt politicians – Bernie Moreno, Chip Roy, J.D. Vance and Donald Trump – they have spoken my son’s name and used his death for political gain.<br>They can vomit all the hate they want about illegal immigrants, the Border crisis and even untrue claims about fluffy pets being ravaged and eaten by community members. However they are not allowed nor have they ever been allowed to mention Aiden Clark from Springfield Ohio. <br>Please stop the hate. **Nathan Clark, father of Aiden Clark, boy killed in a car accident involving a Haitian driver in Springfield, Ohio, speaking on the night of the first debate between Kamala Harris and Donald Trump, quoted in [https://haitiantimes.com/2024/09/11/haitian-immigrants-in-ohio-under-racist-attacks/ Haitian families in Ohio under attack as racist claims spread], ''The Haitian Times'' (September 10, 2024) * A Trump supporter, a middle-aged woman, was asked how she felt about Trump's comments that being a celebrity meant women could expect him to grope their private parts. The woman said he would never have said it if Trump had known he was being recorded. That made me laugh. ** [[John Cleese]], as quoted in [https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/john-cleese-how-donald-trump-is-stealing-comedians-best-lines-1030458 "John Cleese on How Donald Trump Is Stealing Comedians' Best Lines"] by Nick Holdsworth, ''[[w:The Hollywood Reporter|The Hollywood Reporter]]'', (August 17, 2017) * Donald Trump has been uncommonly nice to [[Hillary Clinton|Hillary]] and me. We're all [[New York]]ers. And I like him. And I love playing golf with him. ** [[Bill Clinton]], as quoted in [http://www.salon.com/2012/06/04/bill_clinton_said_what/singleton/ "Bill Clinton Said What?"], ''Salon'' (4 June 2012) * He mostly talks about himself. So the next time you hear him, don't count the lies. Count the I's. ** [[Bill Clinton]], as quoted in [https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2024/08/22/dnc-day-3-takeaways-walz-bill-clinton-pelosi-speech/ "5 takeaways from the Democratic convention and Tim Walz on Day 3"], ''The Washington Post'' (August 22, 2024) * '''He's a master brander, and he's the most interesting character out there. And...he says something that overrides the ideological differences. There is a macho appeal to saying, 'I'm just sick of nothing happening. I'll make things – vote for me.'''' ** [[Bill Clinton]] on CBS '[[w:The Late Show with Stephen Colbert|Late Show]]' — {{citation | date = 2015-10-06 | title = Bill Clinton to Stephen Colbert: Donald Trump Has a "Macho Appeal" | author = Ryan Gajewski | newspaper = The Hollywood Reporter | url = http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/live-feed/bill-clinton-donald-trump-has-830195 }} *Despite what you hear, we don't need to make America great again. America has never stopped being great. But we do need to make America whole again. Instead of building walls, we need to be tearing down barriers. **[[Hillary Clinton]], [http://www.politico.com/blogs/2016-dem-primary-live-updates-and-results/2016/02/hillary-clinton-donald-trump-slogan-219908 speech] (February 2016) * We cannot let him roll the dice with America. **[[Hillary Clinton]] during an election speech, as quoted on [https://www.boston.com/news/politics/2016/06/02/hillary-clinton-trump-cannot-let-roll-dice-america boston.com], 2 June 2016 * It is insufficient to state the obvious of Donald Trump: that he is a white man who would not be president were it not for this fact. With one immediate exception, Trump's predecessors made their way to high office through the passive power of whiteness—that bloody heirloom which cannot ensure mastery of all events but can conjure a tailwind for most of them. Land theft and human plunder cleared the grounds for Trump's forefathers and barred others from it. Once upon the field, these men became soldiers, statesmen, and scholars; held court in Paris; presided at Princeton; advanced into the Wilderness and then into the White House. Their individual triumphs made this exclusive party seem above America's founding sins, and it was forgotten that the former was in fact bound to the latter, that all their victories had transpired on cleared grounds. No such elegant detachment can be attributed to Donald Trump—a president who, more than any other, has made the awful inheritance explicit. * Any empirical evaluation of the relationship between Trump and the white working class would reveal that one adjective in that phrase is doing more work than the other. In 2016, Trump enjoyed majority or plurality support among every economic branch of whites. It is true that his strongest support among whites came from those making $50,000 to $99,999. This would be something more than working-class in many nonwhite neighborhoods, but even if one accepts that branch as the working class, the difference between how various groups in this income bracket voted is revealing. Sixty-one percent of whites in this "working class" supported Trump. Only 24 percent of Hispanics and 11 percent of blacks did. Indeed, the plurality of all voters making less than $100,000 and the majority making less than $50,000 voted for the Democratic candidate. So when [[George Packer|[George] Packer]] laments [in the ''New Yorker''] the fact that "Democrats can no longer really claim to be the party of working people—not white ones, anyway," he commits a kind of category error. The real problem is that Democrats aren't the party of white people—working or otherwise. White workers are not divided by the fact of labor from other white demographics; they are divided from all other laborers by the fact of their whiteness. * Obama himself, underestimating Trump and thus underestimating the power of [[Whiteness studies|whiteness]], believed the Republican nominee too objectionable to actually win. In this Obama was, tragically, wrong. And so the most powerful country in the world has handed over all its affairs—the prosperity of its entire economy; the security of its 300 million citizens; the purity of its water, the viability of its air, the safety of its food; the future of its vast system of education; the soundness of its national highways, airways, and railways; the apocalyptic potential of its nuclear arsenal—to a carnival barker who introduced the phrase "grab 'em by the pussy" into the national lexicon. It is as if the white tribe united in demonstration to say, "If a black man can be president, then any white man—no matter how fallen—can be president." **[[Ta-Nehisi Coates]], [https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2017/10/the-first-white-president-ta-nehisi-coates/537909/ "The First White President,"] The Atlantic, October 2017 issue. * I would never trust him to follow the law. We're dealing with a dangerous egomaniac who has no control of himself, recognizes no limits, no bounds and does not recognize the constraints of law or anything else. ** {{W|Eliot A. Cohen}}, in [http://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2016-election/analysis-vengeful-world-donald-trump-why-it-matters-n671721 Analysis: The Vengeful World of Donald Trump, and Why It Matters], at NBC News; published October 31, 2016 * [[Donald Trump]] never thought he was going to win this election, he actually did not want to win this election, this was supposed to be the greatest infomercial in the history of politics. If you take that line, and you add the to it the Trump a la Moscow project, you'll understand that this was a branding deal, that's all the presidential campaign started out as.. there only one problem, one problem, he won. ** [[Michael Cohen]] on the [[Rachel Maddow] Show on [https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow/watch/cohen-trump-2016-campaign-was-just-a-branding-opportunity-91291717556 September 8, 2020] * Apart from his wife and children, I knew Trump better than anyone else did. In some ways, I knew him better than even his family did because I bore witness to the real man, in strip clubs, shady business meetings, and in the unguarded moments when he revealed who he really was: a cheat, a liar, a fraud, a bully, a racist, a predator, a con man... He has no one he trusts to keep his secrets. For ten years, he certainly had me, and I was always there for him, and look what happened to me. I urge you to really consider that fact: Trump has no true friends. He has lived his entire life avoiding and evading taking responsibility for his actions. He crushed or cheated all who stood in his way, but I know where the skeletons are buried because I was the one who buried them ** [[Michael Cohen (lawyer)|Michael Cohen]], as quoted by {{citation | date = 2020-08-13 | title = Michael Cohen offers preview of tell-all Trump book: 'I know where the skeletons are buried' | author = Joseph A Wulfsohn | newspaper = Fox News | url = https://www.foxnews.com/politics/michael-cohen-trump-disloyal-skeletons }} *A warning label should be affixed to Trump's forehead. **Richard Cohen, [https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/reince-priebus-fool/2016/05/16/decae58a-1b88-11e6-9c81-4be1c14fb8c8_story.html "Reince Priebus, fool"] (16 May 2016), ''The Washington Post'', Washington, D.C. * I can't believe he's doing this to me. Donald pisses ice water. ** {{W|Roy Cohn}}, upon being ostracized by Trump for having contracted HIV. (from {{W|Wayne Barrett}}'s 1992 ''Trump: The Deals and the Downfall'', as quoted in [https://www.forbes.com/sites/ralphbenko/2016/03/27/donald-trump-is-the-red-sanders-candidate-winning-isnt-everything-its-the-only-thing/#7c70fd80358c Donald Trump Is The 'Red' Sanders Candidate: 'Winning Isn't Everything; It's The Only Thing.'] at Forbes.com) *A war crimes complaint has been filed against President Donald Trump, [[Benjamin Netanyahu|Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu]] and Trump adviser [[Jared Kushner]] in the [[International Criminal Court]] (ICC).... The complaint, filed by [[w:Middlesex University|Middlesex University]] law professor [[w:William Schabas|William Schabas]] on June 30 on behalf of four [[Palestinians]] who live in the [[w:West Bank|West Bank]], states “there is credible evidence” that Trump, Netanyahu and Kushner “are complicit in acts that may amount to [[war crimes]] relating to the transfer of populations into occupied territory and the annexation of the sovereign territory of the State of Palestine.” Under article 15 of the ICC’s [[w:Rome Statute|Rome Statute]], any individual, group or organization can bring a complaint to the Office of the Prosecutor. ... Schabas’ complaint comes on the heels of unusual moves last month from the Trump administration, which declared a “national emergency” in June in an effort to shield U.S. and Israeli officials from ICC accountability for war crimes and [[crimes against humanity]]. **[[Marjorie Cohn]] in [https://truthout.org/articles/trump-is-trying-to-hide-us-and-israeli-war-crimes-by-attacking-the-icc/ ''Trump Is Trying to Hide US & Israeli War Crimes by Attacking the International Criminal Court, TruthOut,''] (8 July 2020) * There's a populism to Trump that I found very appealing. The party elders would like him to go away, but the people have decided that he is not going to... [T]here is something really hopeful about the fact that, well, 36 percent of the likely voters want him to win, so the people in the machine don't get to say otherwise. ** [[Stephen Colbert]], as quoted in [http://thehill.com/blogs/ballot-box/presidential-races/stephen-colbert-donald-trump-very-appealing "Colbert: Trump's populism 'very appealing'"] by Bradford Richardson, ''The Hill'' (23 December 2015) * [[w:John_Dickerson_(journalist)|John Dickerson]] has way too much dignity to trade insults with the President of the United States to his face. But I, sir, am no John Dickerson. Let me introduce you to something we call the [[w:Tiffany_Network|Tiffany Way]]. When you insult one member of the CBS family, you insult us all. Bazinga. All right. Here we go. All right. Mr. Trump, your presidency, I love your presidency, I call it "Disgrace the Nation". You're not the POTUS, you're the BLOATUS. You're the glutton with the button. You're a regular Gorge Washington. You're the presi-dunce, but you're turning into a real prick-tator. Sir, you attract more skinheads than free [[w:Minoxidil|Rogaine]]. You have more people marching against you than cancer. You talk like a sign-language gorilla who got hit in the head. In fact the only thing your mouth is good for is being Vladimir Putin's cock holster. Your {{w|presidential library}} is going to be a kids' menu and a couple of {{w|Juggs}} magazines. The only thing smaller than your hands is your "tax returns" [holds up little finger] and you can take that any way you want. ** [[Stephen Colbert]], during his [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HaHwlSTqA7s opening monologue] of ''{{w|The Late Show with Stephen Colbert}}'', after showing a clip of Trump calling the CBS reporter part of the "fake media" and referring to [[w:Face the Nation|his show]] as "Deface the Nation". The Trump-designated chairman of the FCC, {{w|Ajit Pai}}, has since stated he would investigate the comedian for broadcasting this material (1 May 2017) * '''There once was a man in Nantucket<br>Whose poll numbers really did suck it;<br>At least he is not<br>That orange pol pot<br>Who ate all his meals from a bucket.''' ** [[Stephen Colbert]]; limerick from his [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S8qFuh-qNaE opening monologue] of ''{{w|The Late Show with Stephen Colbert}}'' of 25 November 2021, after reading about [[President Biden]]'s revival of his family's tradition of visiting Nantucket at Thanksgiving. * Do you know how bad of a job you have to be doing to get fired while you're getting fired? ** Steve Colbert, quoted by {{citation | date = 2021-01-14 | title = Late night hosts mock Trump's second impeachment: 'I wonder if he's tired of all the winning yet?' | author = Frank Pallotta | newspaper = CNN Business | url = https://edition.cnn.com/2021/01/14/media/late-night-trump-impeachment/index.html }} * The president has been impeached. That's a pretty big lesson. I'm voting to acquit. ** [[Susan Collins]], ''CBS Evening News'', quoted in {{citation | date = 2020-02-04 | title = Susan Collins explains her vote to acquit Trump | author = Grace Segers | newspaper = CBS Evening News | url = https://www.cbsnews.com/news/susan-collins-explains-her-vote-to-acquit-trump/ }} * Trump denied knowing that [[w:Serge Kovaleski|Serge]] (Kovaleski) was disabled, and demanded an apology, saying that anyone could see his imitation was of a flustered, frightened reporter, not a disabled person. It's true that Trump was not mimicking any mannerisms that Serge has. He doesn't jerk around or flail his arms. He's not retarded. He sits calmly, but if you look at his wrists, you'll see they are curved in. That's not the imitation Trump was doing—he was doing a standard retard, waving his arms and sounding stupid: "'Ahhh, I don't know what I said—ahhh, I don't remember!' He's going, ‘Ahhh, I don't remember, maybe that's what I said!'" * There's nothing Trump can do that won't be forgiven, except change his immigration policies. ** ''In Trump We Trust'' [http://theslot.jezebel.com/ann-coulter-donald-trump-wasnt-mocking-reporters-disab-1785766218][http://www.nbcnews.com/card/real-quote-ann-coulters-new-book-n637676] (2016) * Trump is an unreflective beneficiary of every sort of white privilege on offer, from his inherited fortune to his mass-media celebrity to his ability to lie with utter impunity about his career, his finances, and his easily documented record of public statements. If Barack Obama had committed but one of the transgressions Trump reveled in during his 2016 presidential run—deriding John McCain's war record, to take a comparatively minor instance—he would have suffered a torrent of righteous white moralizing that would have been unprecedented even in a country renowned for its righteous white moralizing. And if he'd been caught on tape bragging about a celebrity-enabled history of sexual assault—well, suffice it to say that it would have been a high-tech lynching on a scale that [[Clarence Thomas]] could scarcely begin to imagine. **[[Kimberlé Williams Crenshaw]], ''[https://thebaffler.com/salvos/race-to-bottom-crenshaw Race to the Bottom: How the post-racial revolution became a whitewash]'' * President Trump doubled down Sunday on his push for the use of [[Hydroxychloroquine|an anti-malarial drug]] against the [[coronavirus]], issuing {{w|medical advice}} that goes well beyond scant evidence of the [[w:Hydroxychloroquine#COVID-19|drug’s effectiveness]] as well as the advice of doctors and {{w|public health}} experts. Mr. Trump’s recommendation of hydroxychloroquine, for the second day in a row at a White House briefing, was a striking example of his brazen willingness [[w:Veracity of statements by Donald Trump#Coronavirus pandemic|to distort and outright defy]] expert opinion and {{w|scientific evidence}} when it does not suit his [[w:Political agenda|agenda]]. ** [[Michael Crowley (journalist)|Michael Crowley]], Katie Thomas and [[Maggie Haberman]], ''[https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/05/us/politics/trump-hydroxychloroquine-coronavirus.html Ignoring Expert Opinion, Trump Again Promotes Use of Hydroxychloroquine]'' (April 5, 2020), ''{{w|The New York Times}}''. * Standing alongside two top public health officials who have declined to endorse his call for widely administering the drug, Mr. Trump suggested that he was speaking on gut instinct and acknowledged that he had no [[expertise]] on the subject. Saying that the drug is “being tested now,” Mr. Trump said that “there are some very strong, powerful signs” of its potential, although health experts say that the data is extremely limited and that more study of the drug’s effectiveness against the coronavirus is needed. [...] Mr. Trump, who once predicted that the virus might “miraculously” disappear by April because of warm weather, and who has [[Denial|rejected]] {{w|scientific consensus}} on issues like [[w:Environmental policy of the Donald Trump administration#Climate change|climate change]], was undaunted by [[skeptical]] questioning. “What do you have to lose?” Mr. Trump asked, for the second day in a row, saying that [[w:Terminal illness|terminally ill]] patients should be willing [[w:Terminal illness#Continued treatment|to try any treatment]] that has shown some promise. ** [[Michael Crowley (journalist)|Michael Crowley]], Katie Thomas and [[Maggie Haberman]], ''[https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/05/us/politics/trump-hydroxychloroquine-coronavirus.html Ignoring Expert Opinion, Trump Again Promotes Use of Hydroxychloroquine]'' (April 5, 2020), ''{{w|The New York Times}}''. * Even as Mr. Trump has promoted the drug, which is also often prescribed for patients with {{w|lupus}}, it has created rifts within his own coronavirus task force. And while many [[w:Medical centers in the United States|hospitals]] have chosen to use hydroxychloroquine in a desperate attempt to treat dying patients who have few other options, others have noted that it carries [[w:Hydroxychloroquine#Side effects|serious risks]]. In particular, the drug can cause a {{w|heart arrhythmia}} that can lead to {{w|cardiac arrest}}. ** [[Michael Crowley (journalist)|Michael Crowley]], Katie Thomas and [[Maggie Haberman]], ''[https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/05/us/politics/trump-hydroxychloroquine-coronavirus.html Ignoring Expert Opinion, Trump Again Promotes Use of Hydroxychloroquine]'' (April 5, 2020), ''{{w|The New York Times}}''. * Hydroxychloroquine has not been proved to work against Covid-19 in any significant clinical trials. A small trial by Chinese researchers made public last week found that it helped speed the recovery in moderately ill patients, but the study was not peer-reviewed and had significant limitations. Earlier reports from France and China have drawn criticism because they did not include control groups to compare treated patients with untreated ones, and researchers have called the reports anecdotal. Without controls, they said, it is impossible to determine whether the drugs worked. But Mr. Trump on Sunday dismissed the notion that doctors should wait for further study. ** [[Michael Crowley (journalist)|Michael Crowley]], Katie Thomas and [[Maggie Haberman]], ''[https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/05/us/politics/trump-hydroxychloroquine-coronavirus.html Ignoring Expert Opinion, Trump Again Promotes Use of Hydroxychloroquine]'' (April 5, 2020), ''{{w|The New York Times}}''. * I have been pointing out, and I have been screaming to the rooftops, that Donald Trump is the Charlie Sheen of politics. [...] I have to tell you, I love Charlie Sheen, I loved working with him when he was sober, but he was, he's full of shit. He has been full of shit, you know, he has serious addiction. You know, his addiction is obviously serious, drugs, and, but, Trump is just addicted to feeling important. You know, and I think if anybody is under the delusion that he cares about, uh, uh, anybody in America besides himself, they are, they are stoned and need to rethink their priorities, 'cause he's, you know, 'cause it's just ridiculous that's he's gotten as far as he has. ** [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jon_Cryer Jon Cryer] on the May 5, 2016, episode of the podcast Never Not Funny. *When the voters examine Donald, they'll discover he actually embodies Washington corruption, the Washington deal-making that they're so angry about. **[[Ted Cruz]], [http://www.cbsnews.com/news/sen-ted-cruz-on-donald-trump-post-super-tuesday-strongest-campaign/ interview with Charlie Rose] (1 March 2016), ''CBS This Morning'' *People are asking themselves, 'How would we feel if our children came in repeating the words of the president of the United States if that president was Donald Trump?' And if it would embarrass you to have your children repeat the words of the president, that's not a good thing... A president should unify us, should appeal to our better angels, should appeal to our shared values that make America who we are. ** [[Ted Cruz]], [http://www.cbsnews.com/news/ted-cruz-criticizes-donald-trump-a-president-should-not-embarrass-election-2016/ interview with John Dickerson] (March 2016), ''Face the Nation'' *It's not easy to tick me off... I don't get angry often. But you mess with my wife, you mess with my kids; that'll do it every time. Donald, you're a sniveling coward and leave Heidi the hell alone. ** [[Ted Cruz]], as quoted in [http://www.cbsnews.com/news/ted-cruz-bashes-sniveling-coward-donald-trump/ "Cruz calls Trump "sniveling coward" and says 'leave Heidi the hell alone'"] (24 March 2016), by Reena Flores, ''CBS News'' * Let me be clear: Donald Trump may be a rat, but I have no desire [[w:Ratfucking|to copulate]] with him. ** [[Ted Cruz]], as quoted in [http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/news/a43332/ted-cruz-donald-trump-rat-copulate/ Ted Cruz Will Do Anything for Love, But He Won't Do Rats] [25 March 2016], by Matt Miller, ''Esquire'' [[File:Mark cuban 2.jpg|thumb|The best thing to happen to politics in a long long time. ~[[Mark Cuban]]]] * The best thing to happen to politics in a long long time. I don't care what his actual positions are. I don't care if he says the wrong thing. He says what's on his mind. He gives honest answers rather than prepared answers. This is more important than anything any candidate has done in years. ** [[Mark Cuban]], as quoted in {{citation | date = 2015-07-27 | title = Mark Cuban: Congrats, Donald: You're best thing to happen to politics in a long time | author = | newspaper = Dallas Mavericks Blog | url = http://mavsblog.dallasnews.com/2015/07/mark-cuban-congrats-donald-youre-best-thing-to-happen-to-politics-in-a-long-time.html/ }} [[File:Mark Cuban by Gage Skidmore.jpg|thumb|The [[Trump]] that stole [[Christmas]] ~[[Mark Cuban]]]] * The [[Trump]] that stole [[Christmas]] ** [[Mark Cuban]] according to [https://www.foxnews.com/politics/from-shark-tank-campaign-trail-mark-cuban-teams-up-kamala-harris From the 'Shark Tank' to the campaign trail: Mark Cuban teams up with Kamala Harris] (October 17, 2024) ==== Hillary Clinton, speech in Warren, Michigan (August 11, 2016) ==== :<small> Speech in {{w|Warren, Michigan}}. Transcript by ''{{w|Newsweek}}'' [http://www.newsweek.com/hillary-clinton-full-transcript-economic-speech-489602] (August 11, 2016) </small> * He's made a career out of stiffing small businesses from [[w:Atlantic City, New Jersey|Atlantic City]] to [[Las Vegas]]. There are companies that were left hanging because he refused to pay their bills. A lot of those companies scraped together what the could [sic] to pay their employees, and many of them put their businesses at risk and some of them ended up taking bankruptcy. It wasn't because Trump couldn't pay them, it was because he wouldn't pay them. * It's just not right that Donald Trump can ignore his debts, but students and families can't refinance their debt. * Mr. Trump may talk a big game on trade, but his approach is based on fear, not strength. Fear that we can't compete with the rest of the world even when the rules are fair. Fear that our country has no choice but to hide behind walls. * Let's remember where Trump makes many of his own products. Because it sure is not America. ... One positive thing Trump could do to make America great again is actually make great things in America again. * Trump would roll back the tough rules that we have imposed on the [[Financial market|Financial Industry]]. I'll do the opposite – I think we should strengthen those rules so that [[Wall Street]] can never wreck Main Street again. * He called for a new tax loophole – let's call it the Trump Loophole – because it would allow him to pay less than half the current tax rate on income from many of his companies. He'd pay a lower rate than millions of middle class families. * He's making a big promise. But his advisors have said, his own advisors have said, he may not stand by them. ... One of the differences between Donald Trump and me is I'm telling you what I will do, I'm laying out my plans, and I will stand by them, and I want you to hold me accountable for delivering results. This all reminds me of that old saying, ‘if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.' * Guaranteeing equal pay won't just increase paychecks for women – it will boost family budgets and get incomes rising across the board. And I don't understand why Trump's against that. Paid family leave won't only make life easier for Moms and Dads – it will also keep skilled, talented Americans in the workforce and grow our economy. That's why every other advanced country already has it. Again, he's against it. Raising the federal minimum wage won't just put more money in the pockets of low-income families – it also means they will spend more at the businesses in their neighborhoods. Trump's against that as well. * Based on what we know from the Trump campaign, he wants America to work for him and his friends, at the expense of everyone else. ==== Hillary Clinton, speech in Reno, Nevada (August 25, 2016) ==== <small> Speech in {{w|Reno, Nevada}}. Transcript by ''[[w:Vox (website)|Vox]]'' [http://www.vox.com/2016/8/25/12647810/hillary-clinton-speech-alt-right] (August 25, 2016) </small> * Donald Trump has built his campaign on prejudice and paranoia. He's taking [[w:Hate groups|hate groups]] mainstream and helping a radical fringe take over one of America's two major political parties. His disregard for the values that make our country great is profoundly dangerous. In just the past week, under the guise of "outreach" to African Americans, Trump has stood up in front of largely white audiences and described black communities in insulting and ignorant terms. * Donald Trump misses so much. He doesn't see the success of black leaders in every field… The vibrancy of [[w:African-American Businesses|black-owned businesses]]…Or the strength of the black church… He doesn't see the excellence of [[historically black colleges and universities]] or the pride of black parents watching their children thrive… And he certainly doesn't have any solutions to take on the reality of systemic racism and create more equity and opportunity in communities of color. It takes a lot of nerve to ask people he's ignored and mistreated for decades, "What do you have to lose?" The answer is everything! * Trump's lack of knowledge or experience or solutions would be bad enough. But what he's doing here is more sinister. Trump is reinforcing harmful stereotypes and offering a dog whistle to his most hateful supporters. It's a disturbing preview of what kind of President he'd be. * A man with a long history of racial discrimination, who traffics in dark conspiracy theories drawn from the pages of supermarket tabloids and the far reaches of the internet, should never run our government or command our military. If he doesn't respect respect all Americans, he can't serve all Americans! ... There's no other Donald Trump. This is it. * Well, throughout his career and this campaign, Donald Trump has shown us exactly who he is. We should believe him. When Trump was getting his start in business, he was sued by the Justice Department for refusing to rent apartments to black and Latino tenants. Three years later, the Justice Department took Trump back to court because he hadn't changed. The pattern continued through the decades. * Someone detached from reality should never be in charge of making decisions that are as real as they come. * He'd abolish the bedrock constitutional principle that says if you're born in the United States, you're an American citizen. He says that children born in America to undocumented parents are, quote, "anchor babies" and should be deported. Millions of them. * He'd ban Muslims around the world – 1.5 billion men, women, and children –from entering our country just because of their religion. * Ever since the Pilgrims landed on Plymouth Rock, America has distinguished itself as a haven for people fleeing religious persecution. Under Donald Trump, America would distinguish itself as the only country in the world to impose a religious test at the border. * Trump likes to say he only hires the "best people." But he's had to fire so many campaign managers it's like an episode of the Apprentice. === D === *he’s spewing white supremacist views that have real consequences in the lives of ordinary people...I think he needs to realize that what he’s saying, from the biggest bully pulpit in the whole world, is affecting individual people. I don’t know that he cares, because I think he’s just spewing these things, and I think, in part, this was also—you know, this is what he believes. **[[Edwidge Danticat]] [https://www.democracynow.org/2018/1/12/completely_racist_edwidge_danticat_on_trumps Interview] with Democracy Now (2018) *The [Trump] family subscribes to a racehorse theory of human development... They believe that there are superior people and that if you put together the genes of a superior woman and a superior man, you get a superior offspring. **Michael D'Antonio, ''[https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-migrants-bad-genes-1965004 The Choice]'' (PBS documentary), 2016 * Donald Trump...is the last hope for America. I don't want nuance, I want bold colors: red, white, and blue... When I saw those guys on the boats on their knees, I mean, that sends a picture about America that I haven't seen ever before. And I think we need Donald Trump right now. The country needs him. ** {{w|Robert Davi}}, as quoted in [http://dailycaller.com/2016/01/14/die-hard-actor-robert-davi-donald-trump-is-the-last-hope-for-america-video/ "‘Die Hard' Actor Robert Davi: Donald Trump Is The ‘Last Hope For America'"] by Steve Guest, ''The Daily Caller'' (14 January 2016) * Let's say five years ago, someone wanted to tell an end-of-the-world story. Governments have broken down, diplomacy has gone out the window, and lunatic nutbags are running things. If the storyteller wanted to provide a shorthand to establish how things could have possibly gone so wrong, all he would have to do is have a newscaster talking about "President Trump." Because five years ago, the audience would have snorted and said, "Well, sure, I totally believe that if this country was stupid enough to put Trump into office, then it makes sense that the entire world is falling apart." **{{W|Peter David}}, [http://www.peterdavid.net/2017/08/04/freak-out-friday-august-4-2017/ Freak Out Friday], August 4 2017 * Loser of the year <i> German: "Der Verlierer des Jahres </i> ** Der Spiegel, quoted by {{citation |date=2020-12-11 |title=German magazine Der Spiegel names Trump 'Loser of the Year' | author= Celine Castronuovo | periodical=The Hill | url=https://thehill.com/homenews/media/529830-german-magazine-der-spiegel-names-trump-loser-of-the-year}} * Trump has been said to have extended his initial 30-day deadline to four months **Karen DeYoun of Washington Post, [https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/national-security/john-bolton-to-meet-with-turks-to-discuss-announced-us-withdrawal-from-syria/2019/01/04/30e39c92-1044-11e9-8938-5898adc28fa2_story.html 4 January 2019] * The case for constitutional limited government is the case against Donald Trump. To the degree we take him at his word — understanding that Trump is a negotiator whose positions are often purposefully deceptive — what he advocates is a rejection of our [[James Madison|Madisonian]] inheritance and an embrace of Barack Obama's [[authoritarianism]]. Trump assures voters that he will use authoritarian power for good, to help those who feel — with good reason — ignored by both parties. But the American experiment in self-government was the work of a generation that risked all to defeat a tyrannical monarch and establish a government of laws, not men. A government of the people, by the people, and for the people is precisely what the Constitution offers, and what is most threatened by "great men" impatient to impose their will on the nation. Conservatives should reject Trump's hollow, Euro-style [[identity politics]]. **Ben Domenech, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination "Conservatives Against Trump"] (21 January 2016), ''National Review''. * If your claim to fame is that you’ve taken money from other people and haven’t delivered what you promised, that doesn’t make you a genius businessman, that makes you a [[thief]]. **{{w|Kathy Duva}}, as quoted in [http://theboxingtribune.com/2017/01/19/donald-trump-was-awful-at-boxing-too/ "Donald Trump was awful at boxing, too"] by Paul Gagno, ''The Boxing Tribune'' (January 19, 2017) === E === *In his State of the Union address on February 6, 2019, Donald Trump said: ''...we condemn the brutality of the Maduro regime, whose socialist policies have turned that nation from being the wealthiest in South America into a state of abject poverty and despair.'' Trump’s ridiculous comment was not considered controversial, because the Western media, including the anti-Trump outlets like the New York Times, have spent many years conveying a lie: that Venezuela had been very prosperous and democratic until [[Hugo Chávez]], and then his successor [[Nicolás Maduro]], came along and ruined everything. If readers believe that, then they may indeed wonder, “Why shouldn’t the US government help Venezuelans return to that prosperous state?” **[https://fair.org/home/the-media-myth-of-once-prosperous-and-democratic-venezuela-before-chavez/ The Media Myth of ‘Once Prosperous’ and Democratic Venezuela Before Chávez, Joe Emersberger and Justin Podur, ''Fairness and Accuracy in Reporting'' (FAIR),] (26 August 2021) * People are looking for somebody who is outspoken and who isn't afraid. And [Trump] seems to have kind of a fearless attitude. ** [[Clint Eastwood]], as quoted in [http://www.newsmax.com/Newsfront/clint-eastwood-praises-trump/2015/12/25/id/707110/ "Clint Eastwood Praises Trump, Carson: 'Really Good People'"] by Todd Beamon, ''Newsmax'' (25 December 2015) * I'd have to go for Trump ... you know, [because] [[Hillary Clinton|she]]'s declared that she's gonna follow in [President] Obama's footsteps. I mean, it's a tough voice to listen to for four years. It could be a tough one. If she's just gonna follow what we've been doing, then I wouldn't be for her. She's made a lot of dough out of a being a politician. I gave up dough to be a politician. I'm sure that [former President] Ronald Reagan gave up dough to be a politician. ... [Trump]'s onto something, because secretly everybody's getting tired of political correctness, kissing up. That's the kiss-ass generation we're in right now. We're really in a p-ssy generation. ** [[Clint Eastwood]], interview with ''Esquire'' as quoted in [http://thehill.com/blogs/in-the-know/in-the-know/290324-clint-eastwood-id-have-to-go-for-trump-over-clinton "Clint Eastwood: 'I'd have to go for Trump' over Clinton"] by Mark Hensch, ''The Hill'' (3 August 2016) *The only thing that I can say about President Trump is that he is the only person who, in 2009 when I served a lot of subpoenas on a lot of people, or at least gave notice to some pretty connected people, that I want to talk to them, is the only person who picked up the phone and said, let's just talk. I'll give you as much time as you want. I'll tell you what you need to know, and was very helpful, in the information that he gave, and gave no indication whatsoever that he was involved in anything untoward whatsoever, but had good information. That checked out and that helped us and we didn't have to take a deposition of him in 2009. **Bradley Edwards (attorney prosecuting [[Jeffrey Epstein]]) in December 2018, according to [https://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2019/07/prosecutor-in-2009-epstein-case-said-donald-trump-was-the-only-one-who-helped-him/ 7 July 2019 article by Joe Hoft of Gateway Pundit] * (Said in 2016) [Narcissistic] idiot,bully, [and someone who] really cannot be trusted to be consistent or accurate in anything ** [[w:Jenna Ellis|Jenna Ellis]], senior legal adviser to the Trump 2020 campaign and the president, [https://www.axios.com/jenna-ellis-trump-adviser-87cebdba-a44f-4bbb-bdc3-3e044e76b746.html constitutional law attorney] and former law professor from Colorado according to [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-lawyer-jenna-ellis-idiot-campaign-b1731162.htmlTrump’s lawyer once called him an ‘idiot’ who ‘really cannot be trusted’ to tell truth] published November 18, 2020 *I will not be voting for Donald Trump in the primary. I take my conservatism seriously, and I also take Saint Paul seriously. In setting out the qualifications for overseers, or bishops, Saint Paul admonished Timothy... We should not put a new conservative in charge of conservatism or the country, so that he does not become puffed up with conceit and fall into condemnation. Republicans have wandered in the wilderness already by letting leaders define conservatism in their own image. Donald Trump needs more time and more testing of his new conservative convictions. **Erick Erickson, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination "Conservatives Against Trump"] (21 January 2016), ''National Review'' *Hitler is not Hillary Clinton either. The neo-nazis and white supremacists backing Donald Trump fetishize Hitler too. Trump dog whistles to them. **Erick Erickson, [http://theresurgent.com/republicans-for-hitler/ "Republicans for Hitler"] (17 May 2016), ''The Resurgent'' === F === *You got to give it up for [[Colorado]] — they’re the first state to legalize [[Cannabis|weed]] and illegalize Trump. **[[Jimmy Fallon]], as quoted in [https://www.nytimes.com/2023/12/21/arts/television/jimmy-fallon-trump-colorado-ballot.html "Jimmy Fallon Cheers Colorado for ‘Illegalizing’ Trump"] (21 December 2023), By Trish Bendix, ''{{w|New York Times}}'' * I was trying to let science guide our policy, but he was putting as much stock in anecdotal things that turned out not to be true as he was in what scientists like myself were saying. That caused unnecessary and uncomfortable conflict where I had to essentially correct what he was saying, and put me at great odds with his people. ** [[Anthony Fauci | Dr. Anthony Fauci]], the director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, as quoted in [https://www.unilad.co.uk/news/dr-fauci-says-trump-would-do-terrible-things-anytime-he-disagreed-with-him-publicly/ "Dr Fauci Says Trump Would Do ‘Terrible Things’ Anytime He Disagreed With Him Publicly"], Cameron Frew, Unila, 20 February 2021. *In the United States, Trump’s diversionary theatrics and early failures in Congress kept off the front pages a bonfire of social and environmental regulations as well as a purge of liberal judges from the [[w:federal judiciary in the United Stats|federal bench]] that continued in the background with little resistance and that promised to play out for decades. When thwarted by [[United States Congress|Congress]], Trump resorted to [[w:Executive orders|executive orders]] and [[w:Emergency powers|emergency powers]], as had presidents before him, though with a radical, institution-shaking appeal in justification “to the people” rarely heard since the [[New Deal]]. Internationally, the unconservative revisionism of the [[Far-right politics|hard right]] was evident in Trump’s questioning or pulling back from previous American commitments— the [[w:Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action|Iran nuclear deal]], [[Paris Agreement|world climate accords]], the [[w:Atlantic alliance|Western alliance]] itself. Rather than standing up for liberal democracy and universal values, he praised authoritarians: [[China]]’s [[Xi Jinping|Xi]], [[Russia]]’s [[Vladimir Putin|Putin]], [[House of Saud|Saudi princes]], the [[Philippines]]’ [[Rodrigo Duterte|Duterte]]. Rather than follow every administration, Democrat or Republic, since 1945 and align Americanism, Westernism, and universalism in an avowedly virtuous trinity, the Trump right detached Americanism as justified and defendable on its own. **[[w:Edmund Fawcett|Edmund Fawcett]], ''Conservatism: The Fight for a Tradition'' (2020), p. 348 * Trump is Hillary Clinton's Christmas gift wrapped up under a tree. **[[Carly Fiorina]], [http://www.cnn.com/2015/12/09/politics/donald-trump-hillary-clinton-conspiracy/index.html ''Twitter''] (8 December 2015) *I think Trump says a lot of things that are crazy... [repeating what a 10-year-old girl said] Trump's a moron. **[[Carly Fiorina]], as quoted in [http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/carly-fiorina-repeats-girl-donald-trumps-moron/story?id=36327939 "Carly Fiorina Repeats After Girl: 'Donald Trump's a Moron'"] (16 January 2016), by Ben Gittleson, ''{{w|ABC News}}'' *He reminds me of [[Adolf Hitler|Hitler]]. **{{w|Vicente Fox}}, [http://www.cnn.com/2016/02/26/politics/vicente-fox-donald-trump-hitler/index.html interview with Anderson Cooper] (February 2016) * Most amateur diagnosticians have mislabeled President Trump with the diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder. I wrote the criteria that define this disorder, and Mr. Trump doesn't meet them. He may be a world-class [[narcissism|narcissist]], but this doesn't make him mentally ill, because he does not suffer from the distress and impairment required to diagnose [[mental disorder]]. :Mr. Trump causes severe distress rather than experiencing it and has been richly rewarded, rather than punished, for his grandiosity, self-absorption and lack of [[empathy]]. It is a stigmatizing insult to the mentally ill (who are mostly well behaved and well meaning) to be lumped with Mr. Trump (who is neither). :* [[w:Allen Frances|Allen Frances]], [https://www.nytimes.com/2017/02/14/opinion/an-eminent-psychiatrist-demurs-on-trumps-mental-state.html?_r=0 "An Eminent Psychiatrist Demurs on Trump's Mental State,"] [[w:The New York Times|The New York Times]], February 14, 2017. *A person who thinks only about building walls, wherever they may be, and not of building bridges, is not Christian. This is not the [[gospel]]... I say only that this man is not Christian if he has said things like that. We must see if he said things in that way and I will give him the benefit of the doubt. **[[Pope Francis]], as quoted in [http://www.cbsnews.com/news/pope-francis-trump-is-not-christian/ "Pope Francis: Donald Trump 'is not Christian'"] (18 February 2016), by Rebecca Kaplan, ''{{w|CBS News}}'' *I was wrong. Weeks ago I said on a number of radio interviews that while I opposed Trump in the primary, I'd back him if he won the GOP nomination. I hadn't yet seen, or had been unwilling to believe, the full extent of his contempt for the truth, his fondness for far-left conspiracy theories, and his sheer malice. When I saw Trump in full, my decision was easy. Never Trump... I cannot abide the notion of voting for a man whose 'war strategy' is a child-killing war crime. **David French, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/432237/donald-trump-why-i-cant-vote-trump-nevertrump "Why I Changed My Mind and Joined the #NeverTrump Movement"] (2 March 2016), ''National Review'' *There is an Ivy League grad who has spent most of his life in [[New York City|Manhattan]], where he is chauffeured around in limousines. He frequently brags to strangers about his massive personal wealth. In public statements, he has advocated government healthcare, a woman's right to an abortion, an assault weapons ban, and paying off the national debt by forcing rich people to forfeit 14.25 percent of their total wealth. When the man married his third wife, he invited Bill and Hillary Clinton to the wedding, and he has given many thousands to their political campaigns and their foundation. He's donated many thousands more that helped elect Democrats to the Senate and the House. And George W. Bush was "maybe the worst president in the history of this country," the man said in 2008. "He was so incompetent, so bad, so evil." On paper, this is not someone you'd expect to excel in the 2016 Republican Party primary. But Donald Trump is excelling. Thanks to his celebrity, a few epic flip-flops, and his willingness to pander to the most xenophobic element of the GOP's base, the real-estate developer and reality-TV star is polling near the top of the field. **Conor Friedersdorf, [http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2015/07/donald-trump-running-for-president/398345/ "Donald Trump Is No Conservative"] (13 July 2015), ''The Atlantic'' * Trump has made it clear that he would rule as a dictator. His plans include destroying government as we know it, while acting on his desires without guardrails or accountability. He has vowed to use the power of the state to punish political opponents. In short, another Trump presidency would end American [[democracy]] as we know it. ** [[Dan Froomkin]], {{cite web |title=Some Rules for Journalists Reporting on Fascism and Fascists in 2024 |url=https://www.commondreams.org/opinion/reporting-on-trump-fascism-in-2024 |publisher=Common Dreams |date=26 January 2024}} === G === * Donald Trump is a serial liar. ** Neal Gabler, [http://www.salon.com/2016/05/15/donald_trump_is_a_serial_liar_more_upsetting_is_that_no_one_seems_to_care_partner/ "Donald Trump is a serial liar. More upsetting is that no one seems to care"] (15 May 2016), ''Salon'' * We thought about it when we made the movie! Are you kidding? You watch Part II again and there's a scene where Marty confronts Biff in his office and there's a huge portrait of Biff on the wall behind Biff, and there's one moment where Biff kind of stands up and he takes exactly the same pose as the portrait? Yeah. **[[w:Bob Gale|Bob Gale]], [http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2015/10/21/how-back-to-the-future-predicted-trump.html ‘Back to the Future' Writer: Biff Tannen Is Based on Donald Trump], The Daily Beast (October 15, 2015) *Donald Trump rightly criticized the [[w:Humayun Khan (soldier)|Khan]] parents. Clearly, Trump does not oppose Muslim soldiers serving in the military. Nonsense. Trump opposes Muslim immigration from jihad-hot regions. We know Islamic terror groups are plotting attacks on the West and using the migration to import their soldiers. ** [[Pamela Geller]], ''[http://pamelageller.com/2016/07/dnc-mainstream-medias-new-spox-muslim-parents.html/ DNC, Mainstream Media's New SPOX — Muslim Parents of Fallen Soldier WHO OPPOSE TRUMP BUT NOT JIHAD TERROR @chucktodd @meetthepress]'' (July 31, 2016) *I remain a skeptic about Donald Trump. Trump fans look at us skeptics with incredulity that we could possibly object to their man... Yet I see people comparing Trump to Reagan. Donald Trump has been a conservative for about ten minutes. **[[Jim Geraghty]], [http://www.nationalreview.com/corner/420996/trump-2008-bush-evil-talk-iran-obama-cannot-do-worse-bush-jim-geraghty "The Corner"], ''National Review'' * @realdonaldtrump you are full of shit! **Chrysler executive {{W|Ralph Gilles}} **[http://jalopnik.com/5956093/chrysler-exec-calls-donald-trump-full-of-shit-on-twitter Chrysler Exec Calls Donald Trump "Full Of Shit" On Twitter], at {{W|Jalopnik}} (2012) * [W]e have to learn something from history here. [[Fascism]] begins with the rhetoric of dehumanization, humiliation, and [[wiktionary:reification#Noun|reification]], right? It starts with the language of brutality, which it normalizes. It legitimates hatred and racism and violence. It views certain groups through rhetoric as enemies of the American people. It operates off of the rhetoric of war, anti-intellectualism, and white supremacy. It operates off of the language of disposability. That language doesn’t just simply normalize increasingly the notions of [[white nationalism]], white supremacy, racism, and [[xenophobia]]; it also enacts policies and it creates a culture of utter stupidity, a culture of ignorance. And, unfortunately, it functions so as to enable violence against groups labeled as dangerous, other, excess, and a threat to the whitewashed notion of citizenship.<br />With respect to the latter, when people can’t tell the difference between fact and fiction, they can’t tell the difference between good and evil. They can’t recognize a crime when they see one or what lawlessness looks like. All standards of truth go out the window. It’s a very dangerous moment because it means that people become more susceptible to [[demagogue]]s, to people like Trump, and I think that the media has played an enormous role in creating a [[wiktionary:formative#Adjective|formative]] culture that at its worst legitimates and at its best enables what we see happening in the United States today. ** [[Henry Giroux]], ''[https://mediaforus.org/interviews/2019/8/12/henrygiroux Henry Giroux on His Latest Book — The Terror of the Unforeseen — and How Neoliberal Capitalism Sets the Stage for Fascism]'' (August 19, 2019), ''Media For Us'' interview. *I can’t really speak to what is in other people’s minds or why they make the decisions that they make. I think power is very alluring, but I think the more important question is why he’s caused such division among so many families in this country.<br>This is so relatable, having this chasm in your family over Trump, and the reason for that is because he spews this toxic cruelty. And when you are a woman or a person of color or a gay person or trans person, and someone that you love supports a man like that, it is really hard to reconcile that support with their love for you.<br>So I want healing for our country, and I do want us to find the common humanity in one another, even when we disagree about politics. But if Trump becomes the president again, that will not be possible. Kamala Harris is our only path to healing. She presents a really beautiful path to healing for us.<br>…I view Trump as a disease, and I think it’s really important to remember that with every disease, prevention is a much more effective strategy than treatment. ... I thought we had cured ourselves of it the first time, but it doesn’t seem like we have. And I think if he becomes the president again, we may have a terminal illness in our country. And that really, really scares me. **Caroline Giuliani, daughter of Rudy Giuliani, regarding Trump’s influence over her father in [https://www.nj.com/politics/2024/10/trump-cruelty-embraced-by-those-you-love-rudys-daughter-on-how-maga-disease-has-infected-families.html Rudy Giuliani’s daughter explains why families have been split wide open by Trump] ''NJ.com'' (4 October 2024) *President Trump made history Sunday when he became the first sitting U.S. president to step foot in North Korea. Trump was there to visit North Korean leader [[Kim Jong-un]] at the military demarcation line at the [[w:Korean Demilitarized Zone|Korean Demilitarized Zone]]. Kim then invited Trump to cross the line, which has divided North and South Korea since 1953. Trump then took about 20 steps into [[North Korea]]. Following the meeting at the DMZ, Trump and Kim held a three-way gathering with South Korean President [[Moon Jae-in]]. Sunday marked Trump and Kim's first meeting since nuclear talks broke down in February... It appears another round of nuclear talks could begin in the coming weeks. **[[Amy Goodman]] in [https://www.democracynow.org/2019/7/1/trump_kim_jong_un_dmz_meeting ''Trump Makes History by Walking into North Korea. Could This Help to Finally End the Korean War?'' DemocracyNow!] (1 July 2019) *As a party, we are better to risk losing without Donald Trump than trying to win with him. Enough already with Mister Trump. **[[Lindsey Graham]], [http://www.examiner.com/article/lindsey-graham-better-for-a-democrat-to-win-the-white-house-than-donald-trump ''Twitter'' post] (August 2015) * If we nominate Trump, we will get destroyed.......and we will deserve it. ** [[Lindsey Graham]], [https://twitter.com/lindseygrahamsc/status/727604522156228608 ''Twitter'' post], (May 2016) *[[Ku Klux Klan]] leader [[David Duke]] told radio show listeners that {{'}}Jewish tribal nature{{'}} is to blame for the media's harsh treatment of Trump and compared Jews to {{'}}a pack of wild dogs.{{'}} The white supremacist is a vocal supporter of Trump. **Shanika Gunaratna, [http://www.cbsnews.com/news/neo-nazis-tag-jews-on-twitter-harassment-hate-speech-politics/ "Neo-Nazis Tag Jews on Twitter: Harassment, Hate Speech, Politics"] (10 June 2016), ''CBS News'', CBS Interactive, Inc. *Last week, the New York Times reported that the FBI, in 2017, launched an investigation of President Trump "to consider whether the president's own actions constituted a possible threat to national security" and specifically "whether he had been working on behalf of Russia against American interests." ...As usual – this melodrama was accomplished by steadfastly ignoring the now-standard, always-buried paragraph pointing out the boring fact that no actual evidence of guilt has yet emerged. *The FBI's counterintelligence investigation of Trump is far from the first time that the FBI has monitored, surveilled and investigated U.S. elected officials.... It is not difficult to understand what is so ominous and even tyrannical about the FBI investigating domestic political figures whose loyalties they regard as "suspicious," and whose political career they regard as a "national security threat," simply because those politicians express policy positions about U.S. adversaries that the FBI dislikes... If a politician adopts policy views... which is unduly accommodating to America's adversaries or "enemies," that's not a crime and the FBI thus has no business using its vast investigative powers against...[them]...the FBI investigation... clearly based, at least in part, on the FBI's disagreements with Trump's foreign policy views and the agency's assessment that such policies fail to safeguard "U.S. interests" as the FBI defines them. ** [[Glenn Greenwald]], [https://theintercept.com/2019/01/14/the-fbis-investigation-of-trump-as-a-national-security-threat-is-itself-a-serious-danger-but-j-edgar-hoover-pioneered-the-tactic/ The FBI's Investigation of Trump as a "National Security Threat" is Itself a Serious Danger. But J. Edgar Hoover Pioneered the Tactic] ''[[w:The Intercept|The Intercept]]'' (14 January 2019) [[File:Richard Nixon presidential portrait.jpg|thumb|As you can imagine, [Pat] is an expert on politics and she predicts whenever you decide to run for office you will be a winner! ~ [[Richard Nixon]]]] [[File:Jimmy Carter (cropped).jpg|thumb|I think the media have been harder on Trump than any other president certainly that I’ve known about, I think they feel free to claim that Trump is mentally deranged and everything else without hesitation. ~ [[Jimmy Carter]]]] [[File:George H. W. Bush presidential portrait (cropped).jpg|thumb|He's an ass. ~ [[George H. W. Bush]]]] [[File:Bill Clinton.jpg|thumb|He's a master brander, and he's the most interesting character out there. And...he says something that overrides the ideological differences. There is a macho appeal to saying, 'I'm just sick of nothing happening. I'll make things – vote for me.' ~ [[Bill Clinton]]]] [[File:George-W-Bush.jpeg|thumb|We've seen nationalism distorted into nativism – forgotten the dynamism that immigration has always brought to America. We see a fading confidence in the value of free markets and international trade – forgetting that conflict, instability, and poverty follow in the wake of protectionism. ~ [[George W. Bush]]]] [[File:Official portrait of Barack Obama.jpg|thumb|We're shocked that somebody would be saying these things. We're shocked that somebody is fanning anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-Muslim sentiment. We're shocked! We're shocked that somebody could be loose with the facts. Or distort someone's record -- shocked... This is the guy, remember, who was sure that I was born in Kenya. Who just wouldn't let it go. And all this same Republican establishment, they weren't saying nothing. As long as it was directed at me, they were fine with it. They thought it was a hoot. Wanted to get his endorsement... What is happening in this primary is just a distillation of what's been happening inside their party for more than a decade. ~ [[Barack Obama]]]] === H === * When I tell you I’m angry, it’s an understatement. [[Mike Pence|Mike]] has been nothing but loyal to that [[Trump|man]]. He’s been nothing but a good friend of that man... I am so disappointed in the fact that [despite] the [[loyalty]] and [[friendship]] he had with Mike Pence, that he would do that to him. Like, I’m disgusted by it. ** [[Nikki Haley]] in [https://www.politico.com/interactives/2021/magazine-nikki-haleys-choice/ Nikki Haley’s Time for Choosing The 2024 hopeful can’t decide] February 12, 2021 * This is a dangerous world. I don't want to hear from him how great [[Hezbollah]] is. I don't want to see him congratulate the Communist Party anymore. I don't want him hitting [[Netanyahu]]. … We can't have someone who is so clouded with the past that they can't see the future. ** [[Nikki Haley]] in [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/trump-israel-netanyahu-hezbollah/ Trump's GOP opponents bristle at his response to Hamas' assault on Israel] (October 13, 2023) * I think he could be a great leader, because he's inspiring a lot of people, and especially people, including me, who are tired of Republicans being weak. I'm so sick of it. ** [[Sean Hannity]] — {{citation | date = 2015-07-30 | title = Hannity on Trump: 'That Boldness Needs to Be There If Republicans Want to Win' | newspaper = Fox News Insider | url = http://insider.foxnews.com/2015/07/30/sean-hannity-donald-trump-boldness-needs-be-there-if-republicans-want-win }} *The conservative president we desperately need requires a paradoxical combination of boldness and restraint. The president will need to be bold in challenging the runaway power and reach of his own branch, against the fury of the bureaucracy itself, its client groups, and the media. This boldness is necessary to restore the restraint that a republican executive should have in our constitutional order. Trump exhibits no awareness of this supreme constitutional task. **Steven F. Hayward, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination "Conservatives Against Trump"] (21 January 2016), ''National Review'' *Donald Trump is the result of a long process of political, cultural and social decay. He is a product of our failed democracy. The longer we perpetuate the fiction that we live in a functioning democracy, that Trump and the political mutations around him are somehow an aberrant deviation that can be vanquished in the next election, the more we will hurtle toward tyranny. The problem is not Trump. It is a political system, dominated by corporate power and the mandarins of the two major political parties, in which we don’t count. We will wrest back political control by dismantling the corporate state, and this means massive and sustained civil disobedience, like that demonstrated by teachers around the country this year... <BR>As a foreign correspondent I covered collapsed societies... It is impossible for any doomed population to grasp how fragile the decayed financial, social and political system is on the eve of implosion. All the harbingers of collapse are visible... We suffer the usual pathologies of impending death. I would be happy to be wrong. But I have seen this before. I know the warning signs. All I can say is get ready. **[[Chris Hedges]] in [https://www.commondreams.org/views/2018/05/21/coming-collapse The Coming Collapse], [[w:Common Dreams|''Common Dreams'']], (21 May 2018) *He doesn't know the Constitution, history, law, political philosophy, nuclear strategy, diplomacy, defense, economics beyond real estate, or even, despite his low-level-mafioso comportment, how ordinary people live. But trumping all this is a greater flaw presented as his chief strength. Governing a great nation in parlous times is far more than making "deals." Compared with the weight of the office he seeks, his deals are microscopic in scale, and as he faced far deeper complexities he would lead the country into continual Russian roulette. If despite his poor judgment he could engage talented advisers, as they presented him with contending and fateful options the buck would stop with a man who simply grasps anything that floats by. Following Obama's, a Trump presidency would be yet more adventure [[tourism]] for a formerly serious republic. **Mark Helprin, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination "Conservatives Against Trump"] (21 January 2016), ''National Review'' * What bitch is Donald Trump hanging his dick inside of today? ** {{w|Doug Henderson}}, guitarist/singer/lyricist of {{w|Spongehead}} in the song "Nothing" from ''[[w:Curn Your Dogma|Curb Your Dogma]]'' (Triple X Records, 1993) * There’s no question that America would be better off if the president would resign or be removed from office. If that’s going to happen or how that should happen, I don’t know. But we need leadership right now, and we need to stop all of this craziness. ** Larry Hogan, Republican Governor, as quoted in [https://www.baltimoresun.com/politics/bs-md-pol-hogan-capitol-20210107-7gjx3ksoqrhmrixhqr7zz2byom-story.html "Maryland Gov. Hogan: ‘America would be better off’ if Trump resigns or is removed from office"], 7 January 2021, <i> The Baltimore Sun </i> * It's unacceptable and abhorrent to attack Vice President Harris or anyone’s racial identity. The American people deserve better. ** Larry Hogan, Republican Governor, as quoted in [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/live-updates/Kamala-Harris-Donald-Trump-100-days/?id=112358511&entryId=112456624 "GOP Senate candidate Larry Hogan slams Trump's NABJ Convention remarks"], ''ABC News'' (July 31, 2024) * <p>Trump undermines the free press because he wants to be the only ''legitimate'' source of information in society. He lies all the time to break down the processes by which we discern the truth about the world around us, and compile the observations and facts which make up the tapestry of reality. He has exposed the paper-thin vulnerability of our democratic society, which depends mightily on observing social norms—like yielding to shame—and a shared acceptance of some common set of truths.</p><p>The American president is determined to bulldoze this architecture of social structures, and usher in an era where force, not deliberation and cooperation, determines the path our society will take. If he never acknowledges any truth besides his own, he never has to do anything outside his own direct interests. He does not have to actually respond to any kind of criticism, or ever reconsider his course of action. Relentless lying, after all, is a form of coercion, in which you bend others to your will by forcing them to accept the infrastructure of your false reality—or to give up caring whether anything is true or false in the first place. Don't believe your eyes and ears. Everybody was cheering for me.</p> ** Jack Holmes, Politics editor at Esquire.com, [https://www.esquire.com/news-politics/a27718993/donald-trump-press-conference-theresa-may-thousands-protesters/ "Donald Trump's Press Conference With Theresa May Would Not Be Complete Without an Assault on Truth"], Esquire.com (June 4, 2019) *White tears, as [[Damon Young]] explains in The Root, are why defeated Southerners refused to accept the freedom of black slaves and formed the Ku Klux Klan. And white tears are why 63 percent of white men and 53 percent of white women elected a malignant man-child as their leader. **[[Cathy Park Hong]] ''Minor Feelings: An Asian American Reckoning'' (2020) * Donald Trump regularly incites political [[violence]] and is a serial liar, rampant xenophobe, racist, misogynist and {{w|birther}} who has repeatedly pledged to ban all Muslims — 1.6 billion members of an entire religion — from entering the U.S. ** Note appended to every article about Trump published by {{W|the Huffington Post}} as of January 2016, but removed after Trump's presidential victory. **[http://www.politico.com/blogs/on-media/2016/01/huffpost-to-publish-anti-trump-kicker-with-all-trump-coverage-218345 HuffPost to publish anti-Trump kicker with all Trump coverage], at {{W|Politico}}, published January 28, 2016 * [The] [[w:General Services Administration|agency]]'s ability to manage the [[Trump|former President]]'s [[conflicts of interest]] during his term in office when he was effectively on both sides of the [[contract]], as [[landlord]] and [[tenant]] ** [[w:House Oversight Committee|House Oversight Committee]] in [https://www.cnn.com/2021/10/08/politics/trump-hotel-dc/index.html "Trump DC hotel incurred more than $70 million in losses while Trump was president, documents show]" (October 8, 2021) *Casting the Trump administration's credibility gap into sharp relief, allies like Japan and [[Germany]] have demanded more "credible" evidence to support the U.S. claim. While President Donald Trump and Secretary of State [[Mike Pompeo]] have been unequivocal in their assertion that Iran was responsible for the attacks on two oil tankers in the Gulf of Oman last week, some of America's closest allies are demanding more proof. <BR>Both Japan and Germany have requested more concrete evidence... [[Jeremy Corbyn]], Britain's opposition leader, said more "credible evidence" was needed to support Trump's allegation.... According to ''The New York Times'', other European leaders have also been hesitant to lay the blame on Iran ― a doubt fueled in part by their "distrust of the Trump administration and its hawkish policy toward Tehran," the paper said. **[[w:Huffington Post|Huffington Post]], [https://www.huffpost.com/entry/trump-administration-allies-iran-tanker-pompeo_n_5d072ea3e4b0985c419ff17d ''Pompeo Claims There's ‘No Doubt' Iran Attacked Tankers, But U.S. Allies Want Proof, Huffington Post,'' Dominique Mosbergen] (17 June 2019) *We do not need to have a president that undermines our [[rule of law]], that goes in the courtroom as he did today in New York and acts like a child, a petulant child. We don't need that in America. We need adults in the room. **[[w:Asa Hutchinson|Asa Hutchinson]], [https://www.wmur.com/article/asa-hutchinson-trump-courtroom-dispute/45759110|Asa Hutchinson calls Trump a 'petulant child' after courtroom dispute with judge], [[w:WMUR-TV|WMUR-9]] (6 November 2023) === I === * Donald Trump is a clear and present danger to the republic. He’s disqualified based on character and rationality, so I’ll be voting for Kamala Harris. * I feel sorry for him. He’s really quite a sick puppy. He needs some help. * He’s been unfaithful to three wives. Why would we, at the altar with him as the fourth, think that he’s going to be faithful to us? Talk about irrationality. * If Donald Trump loses, that would be a good thing for the Republican Party. Because then we could have a Republican rethink and get a correction. ** Bob Inglis, Former six-term S.C. Republican Congressman, quoted in [https://charlestoncitypaper.com/2024/09/17/inglis-endorses-harris-calling-trump-a-clear-and-present-danger/ "Inglis endorses Harris, calling Trump ‘a clear and present danger’"], ''Charleston City Paper'' (September 17, 2024) ===J=== *It was an honor to visit with President [[Donald Trump]]. He was friendly, remarkably kind, and incredibly generous with his time. **6 June 2023 [https://x.com/GlennJacobsTN/status/1666097552100585473 tweet] by [[Glenn Jacobs]], the mayor of Knox County *I certainly empathize with Americans who are exhausted after 25 years of foreign entanglements in the Middle East. I understand the concern, but the difference is that back then, we had dumb presidents, and now we have a president who actually knows how to accomplish America’s national security objectives. **Vice-President {{w|JD Vance}} on NBC News’ ''Meet the Press'' responding to questions about Trump's directive to bomb Iranian nuclear facilities [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/jd-vance/iran-vance-intervention-skeptic-role-salesman-rcna214345 Iran strikes push Vance, a foreign intervention skeptic, into the role of salesman] ''NBC News'' (June 22, 2025) * Mr. Trump has crossed the line. More than one line. Captain Khan died in battle trying valiantly to save others. There is no place for criticism, stated or implied, of this brave soldier. He served our country. He is buried in [[w:Arlington National Cemetery|Arlington National Cemetery]] along with those of many ethnic backgrounds and religious denominations. They served our country. Mr. Trump did not. Criticizing Mrs. Khan for not speaking on stage is vile beyond words. No Gold Star Mother should ever be treated like that. Mr. Trump, you owe Mrs. Khan and all Gold Star families a huge apology. ** {{w|Jewish War Veterans of the United States of America}}, about Trump's statements on the [[Khizr and Ghazala Khan|Khan family]] ''[http://www.jwv.org/content/press_release/jewish_war_veterans_condemns_remarks_of_donald_trump Jewish War Veterans Condemns Remarks of Donald Trump]'' (2016) *Of course, I recognize the president’s unique relationship with the press and how it compares with past presidents. I am curious myself how it will impact the future, if at all. But the tension between the press and the president is nothing new. President Trump expresses it more frequently and more … colorfully than others. **[[Weijia Jiang]], as quoted in in [https://asiasociety.org/blog/asia/cbs-news-weijia-jiang-newsroom-diversity-covid-19-racism-and-covering-president-trump "CBS News' Weijia Jiang on Newsroom Diversity, COVID-19 Racism, and Covering President Trump" in ''Asia Society'' (27 May 2020)] * The problem is, I know Trump, so my [[optimism]] has been squashed like a baby bird ... Everything bad I had to say about him, I said to his face. ... I think he's very good, very compelling on that show [''Celebrity Apprentice''] ... I really like him because of his absence of filters. I really like the glimpse we get into the human [[heart]] we get when someone loses their filters ... "[[Thelonious Monk|A genius is the one most like himself.]]" In a really weird way, Donald Trump has achieved that. If he weren't running for president, you'd be seeing essays from me about how much I learned from Donald Trump and how much I loved being on the show ... I'm feeling so, so, so guilty, because I feel like, along with millions of other people, I played right into this. The [[cynicism]] of the Clintons, the careful, tightrope walk of all politicians, forced me, as an atheist, to get down on my knees and [[pray]] that someone would come along with some kind of [[authenticity]]. Well, [[God|someone]] called my bluff, goddamn it. ... The stuff [Trump] is saying on immigration, the stuff he saying on [[torture]], the stuff he is saying on [[war]], is absolutely unforgivable ... He is coming out directly against the Statue of Liberty. I'm a pure and utter peacenik. I want a president who sings the praises of people, sings the praises of [[peace]] and sings the praises of working together for a great country ... [[Abraham Lincoln]] wouldn't have laughed about waterboarding ... I want a president that is [[kinder]], [[smarter]] and more measured than me. ... I disagree with [[Hillary Clinton]] on just about everything there is to disagree with a person about. If it comes down to Trump and Hillary, I will put a Hillary Clinton sticker on my fucking car. ... Someone who is paying [[attention]] can do the same thing that Trump is doing with [[hate]], and do it with [[love]], and become president ... That's kind of beautiful. There's nothing more optimistic than that. ... Donald Trump does, when it comes right down to it, fuck up everything ... He fucks up his casinos. He fucks up his buildings.... Maybe he'll fuck up his campaign before he fucks up the country. ** [[Penn Jillette]], as quoted in [http://www.newsweek.com/penn-jillette-terrified-president-trump-431837 "Why Penn Jillette is Terrified of a President Trump" by Grant Burningham, in ''Newsweek'' (1 March 2016)] * I did two tours of duty on ''{{W|Celebrity Apprentice}}'' and I referred to someone who I knew was a dipshit, who I knew was a loser and a liar, as "Mr. Trump." And I didn't laugh out loud when they said he was a billionaire. And I didn’t laugh out loud when they said he was a good businessman. '''I knew he was a terrible businessman. I knew he wasn't really rich. I knew he was a liar. I knew all of that. And I sat there in a suit. What harm does it do to be on a TV show? To pretend that someone is a successful businessman? Turns out it matters a lot.''' ** Penn Jillette, as quoted in [https://www.rollingstone.com/tv-movies/tv-movie-features/penn-and-teller-interview-guns-trump-magic-bullet-catch-david-blaine-1234833297/ Penn & Teller on Giving Up Guns and Why Trump Is ‘The End of America’], by Brenna Ehrlich, in ''Rolling Stone'' (1 October 2023) * The only reason I wouldn't go to some parts of New York is the real risk of meeting Donald Trump. ** [[Boris Johnson]], as quoted in [http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/boris-johnson/12039931/Boris-Johnson-The-only-reason-I-wouldnt-visit-some-parts-of-New-York-is-the-real-risk-of-meeting-Donald-Trump.html Boris Johnson: 'The only reason I wouldn't visit some parts of New York is the real risk of meeting Donald Trump'] by Helena Horton, ''[[w:The Telegraph|The Telegraph]]'' (8 December 2015) * Donald Trump's a pussy. **[[Gary Johnson]], in [http://www.kob.com/albuquerque-news/gary-johnson-calls-donald-trump-pussy-at-libertarian-debate/4064122/#.VuDZG5wrLqY U.S. Libertarian Party debate] (2016) === K === *I'm rooting for him to do well for the same reason I root for a pilot on my airplane to do well. **{{W|John Kasich}}, [http://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/332198-kasich-i-dont-know-what-im-going-to-do-in-2020 Kasich: ‘I don't know what I'm going to do' in 2020], ''The Hill'', May 6 2017 * The Trump phenomenon is better understood as an amalgam of three different, largely pathological strains in [[American history quotes|American history]] and [[culture]]... The first and perhaps most obvious strain is hostility toward immigrants... In the 1850s, the [[w:American Party|American Party]], labeled the 'Know-Nothings' by its opponents, accused [[Irish people|Irish]] and [[Germans|German]] [[Catholic Church|Catholics]] of being agents of the pope and a threat... Later in the century, white workers on the Pacific coast led a mass campaign against [[Chinese people|Chinese]] newcomers, whom they blamed for undercutting wages... Federal lawmakers affirmed their bigotry by excluding any Chinese laborers... In the 1920s, fears of Slavs, Jews, Italians, and others suspected of being hostile to America's white 'Nordic' heritage persuaded Congress to impose quotas that all but banned immigrants... Trump's attacks on 'rapists and murderers' crossing the southern border and on potential Muslim terrorists jetting across the Atlantic belong to this long and ignominious tradition. ** {{w|Michael Kazin}}, [https://www.dissentmagazine.org/blog/trump-in-context-us-history-know-nothing "Trump in Context"] (14 December 2015), ''Dissent'' * His vow to 'Make America Great Again' lacks any explanation of what or who made it so wonderful before. Searching his website for clues turns up no proposals that might credibly bring about a national revival, unless one believes that a simplified tax code and a stern crackdown on illegal immigration amount to a sufficient blueprint for major change. ** {{w|Michael Kazin}}, [https://www.dissentmagazine.org/blog/trump-in-context-us-history-know-nothing "Trump in Context"] (14 December 2015), ''Dissent'' * The allure of Trump's candidacy and the dread it provokes at home and abroad stem from the same impulses, which run deep in U.S. political culture. A rich man whose name is familiar to everyone bashes people whom many citizens either fear or mistrust and makes vague promises to fix whatever ails the nation. And he does all this with a smirk, a threat, and yet also with a yearning for respect, even from those he routinely assaults in speeches. Trump probably will not be elected president, and it would be a disaster if he was. But his act is hardly as novel as he, and many of his fans and his critics, believe. After he leaves the stage, another wealthy performer with a talent for bombast and no political record to defend may well take his place. ** {{w|Michael Kazin}}, [https://www.dissentmagazine.org/blog/trump-in-context-us-history-know-nothing "Trump in Context"] (14 December 2015), ''Dissent'' * Trump is no true conservative. He's not even a reactionary in the best sense of the word. He's a self-aggrandizing opportunist. His policies go no further than his catchphrase, 'you're fired'. Listening to his first television ad is like a preview for a bad movie; an empty supercut of the highlights, or lowlights, without the plot being revealed because it's so thin. Trump is no everyman. He built his empire with $100 million from his wealthy father. Far from born into working or middle class, Trump never struggled a day in his life except by his own failings in business and the resulting repeated bankruptcies. His privileged background enabled him to make money off money; not exactly high on the hierarchy of middle-class values. As for being incorruptible, Trump gave big to politicians. He admitted that was meant to buy favors. His policy positions are similarly ephemeral; he supported the Big Government policies of Democrats and slippery values of the Clintons when it suited him. Steadfast, he is not. ** Sean Kennedy, [http://www.cnn.com/2016/01/07/opinions/kennedy-donald-trump/index.html "Donald Trump must be destroyed"] (8 January 2016), ''CNN'', Georgia: Cable News Network * Donald Trump is convincingly playing the role of a pandering demagogue. He seeks to stir up a passionate reaction that serves the purposes of his ambition. [[Founding Fathers of the United States|America's founders]] repeatedly warned against such demagoguery, because it sets people up for tyranny. Given his background, it's advisable to assume Donald Trump is being used by the enemies of rightful liberty to lead otherwise sincerely conservative people down a blind canyon into the withering fire of their elitist foes... Given this track record, before following Trump's lead, shouldn't people sincerely anxious to restore America's constitutional liberty carefully examine the nature of his purported advocacy? With much fanfare, Trump is being attacked by his erstwhile elitist faction buddies. But has he attacked them for treacherous betrayal of the security and sovereignty of the American people? ** [[Alan Keyes]], [http://www.wnd.com/2015/07/is-donald-the-elitist-factions-trump/#edXLUkSiiwg8yZ3j.99 "Is Donald the Elitist Faction's Trump?"] (16 July 2015), ''WND'' * Every president lies at some point, for diplomatic or national security reasons or to sell a policy. But Trump is not known for one big lie — just a constant stream of exaggerated, invented, inconsistent, dubious and false claims. In the nine years I have run The Fact Checker, I have never encountered a politician so cavalier about the facts, so unconcerned with accuracy, so willing to attack people for made-up reasons and so determined to falsely depict his achievements. ** Glenn Kessler, editor and chief writer of The Washington Post Fact Checker, in [https://eu.usatoday.com/story/opinion/2020/06/02/fact-checking-donald-trump-essential-american-politics-column/5301135002/ Fact-checking Trump: He's on a dangerous path that must be documented and discouraged (June 2, 2020)] * Donald Trump has asked why I did not speak at the Democratic convention. He said he would like to hear from me. Here is my answer to Donald Trump: Because without saying a thing, all the world, all America, felt my pain. I am a Gold Star mother. Whoever saw me felt me in their heart. * Donald Trump said I had nothing to say. I do. My son Humayun Khan, an Army captain, died 12 years ago in Iraq. He loved America, where we moved when he was 2 years old. He had volunteered to help his country, signing up for the ROTC at the [[w:University of Virginia|University of Virginia]]. This was before the attack of Sept. 11, 2001. He didn't have to do this, but he wanted to. * I cannot walk into a room with pictures of Humayun. For all these years, I haven't been able to clean the closet where his things are — I had to ask my daughter-in-law to do it. Walking onto the convention stage, with a huge picture of my son behind me, I could hardly control myself. What mother could? Donald Trump has children whom he loves. Does he really need to wonder why I did not speak? * Donald Trump said that maybe I wasn't allowed to say anything. That is not true. My husband asked me if I wanted to speak, but I told him I could not. My religion teaches me that all human beings are equal in God's eyes. Husband and wife are part of each other; you should love and respect each other so you can take care of the family. When Donald Trump is talking about Islam, he is ignorant. If he studied the real Islam and Koran, all the ideas he gets from terrorists would change, because terrorism is a different religion. Donald Trump said he has made a lot of sacrifices. He doesn't know what the word sacrifice means. ** [[Ghazala Khan]], mother of fallen U.S. Army Captain [[w:Humayun Khan (soldier)|Humayun S. M. Khan]]. ''[https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/ghazala-khan-donald-trump-criticized-my-silence-he-knows-nothing-about-true-sacrifice/2016/07/31/c46e52ec-571c-11e6-831d-0324760ca856_story.html Ghazala Khan: Trump criticized my silence. He knows nothing about true sacrifice.]'', ''{{w|The Washington Post}}'' (July 31, 2016) * Muslims are American, Muslims are [[citizens]], Muslims participate in the well-being of this country as American citizens. We are proud American citizens. It's the values of this country that brought us here, not our religion. Trump's position on these issues do not represent those values. ** Khizr M. Khan in an interview with ''{{w|Vocativ}}''. [http://www.vocativ.com/259159/the-father-of-a-muslim-war-hero-has-this-to-say-to-donald-trump/] (December 08, 2015) * If it was up to Donald Trump, he never would have been in America. Donald Trump consistently smears the character of Muslims. He disrespects other minorities, women, [[judges]], even his own party leadership. He vows to build walls and ban us from this country. Donald Trump, you are asking Americans to [[trust]] you with our [[future]]. Let me ask you: Have you even read the U.S. Constitution? I will gladly lend you my copy. In this document, look for the words "liberty" and "equal protection of law." Have you ever been to {{w|Arlington Cemetery}}? Go look at the graves of the brave [[patriots]] who died defending America — you will see all faiths, genders, and ethnicities. You have sacrificed nothing and no one. We can't solve our problems by building walls and sowing division. We are Stronger Together. ** [[Khizr M. Khan]], speech during the final day of the {{w|2016 Democratic National Convention}} in [[Philadelphia]]. [http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/dnc-2016-khizr-khan-donald-trump-read-full-transcript-father-muslim-soldier-a7161616.html] (29 July 2016) * His policies, his practices, do not reflect that he has any understanding of the basic, fundamental [[constitutional]] [[principles]] of this country, what makes this country [[exceptional]], what makes this country exceptional in the [[history]] of the mankind. There are principles of equal [[dignity]], principle of liberty. He talks about excluding people, [[disrespecting]] judges, the entire judicial system, immigrants, Muslim immigrants. These are divisive rhetoric that is totally against the basic constitutional principle. If you read the Constitution, you will either deliberately would be violating those principles or you have not read. That is why I have watched whole ear and rest of the world has watched, and the [[love]] and affection and support that we have received after my statement, at every corner of the street, at every place. The [[affection]], the support, the love that I have received, that we continue to receive is a testament that he is talking about [[ignorance]]. He is not fully aware of these principles. * Two things are absolutely necessary in any [[leader]] or any person that aspires, wishes, to be a leader. That is [[moral]] compass and second is [[empathy]]. This candidate is void of both traits that are necessary for the stewardship of this country. * I do not believe his whole year-long rhetoric, division, excluding people, talking about them derogatorily, has prepared him. He promised to the Republican leadership that he will change his manner, he will not be as ignorant as he had been. But he had continued. Those two traits of moral compass and empathy are absolutely necessary for the leader of a free world leader of nation like United States. * This candidate for [[presidency]] to not be aware of the respect of a gold star mother standing there, and he had to take that shot at her, this is height of ignorance. This is why I showed him that Constitution. Had he read that, he would know what status a gold star mother holds in that nation. This country holds such a person in the highest regard. And he has no [[knowledge]], no awareness. That is height of his ignorance. She is ill. She had high blood pressure. People that know her, looked at her face, and she said, "I may fall off the stage." And I told her that, you have to assemble yourself and stand for the [[beauty]] of this tribute that is being paid. This person is total incapable of empathy. I want his [[family]] to counsel him, teach him some empathy. He will be a better person if he could become -- but he is a black soul. And this is totally unfit for the leadership of this beautiful country, the love and affection that we have received affirms that our beliefs, our experience in this country had been correct and positive. The world is receiving us like we have never seen. They have seen the blackness of his character, of his [[soul]], that he is void of recognizing, empathizing with people. ** [[Khizr M. Khan]], on an interview with {{w|CNN}} about Donald Trump saying that Khan's wife didn't speak because she was forbidden. [http://mediamatters.org/video/2016/07/31/cnn-khizr-khan-shreds-trumps-height-ignorance-response-his-democratic-convention-speech/212039] (July 31, 2016) * I have exactly the same rights as he does. He had been abusing, disrespecting women, judges, all decent Americans. He had been so abusive of them. I exercise exactly the same rights. That, again, proves his ignorance. He wants to have one set of rights for himself, and he wants to have another set of rights for others. No, somebody should tell him that there is equal dignity, equal protection of law in this country. That is why that Constitution came to play. I keep that in my pocket, because I cherish this document. I wish somebody would read it to him. Certain fundamental values that enshrine in this document. * Donald Trump needs to sit with his advisers and portray to this world that he is empathetic. You solve the problems with empathy, putting people together. There are bad people among us, but there are good people among us, as well. You gather good people to get rid of bad people, but you do not malign the whole religion -- the whole culture. * We are the solution to the dealing with the terrorism in the United States. Join hands with good Muslims. Only war is not the solution. It is one of the solutions. Communities coming together is the solution. We are as concerned as Donald Trump is about the safety of this country. We are testament to the goodness of this country. We need to stop fighting with one another, but we need a leader that will unite us, not disrespect, not by derogatory remarks. I feel bad about the discourse that this campaign -- this election campaign has taken. We need to join hands. We have a very serious problem of this for the safety of the citizens of this country. We are solution. Look, the treatment of Muslims in France and other places, there is much worse security issues than United States does. ** [[Khizr M. Khan]], in an interview in ''New Day'' on CNN Monday [http://edition.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/1608/01/nday.03.html] (August 1, 2016) * When a person becomes Commander-in- Chief, president, you are president and Commander-in-Chief of everybody that has supported you and that has not supported you. ** [[Khizr M. Khan]], in an interview in ''{{w|Anderson Cooper 360°}}'' [http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/1608/02/acd.02.html Transcript] (August 2, 2016) * But, far from making remarks of any persuasive power that can be viewed to be helpful to defusing tension, he made unprecedented rude nonsense one has never heard from any of his predecessors. A frightened dog barks louder. [...] He is unfit to hold the prerogative of supreme command of a country, and he is surely a rogue and a gangster fond of playing with fire, rather than a politician. [...] Action is the best option in treating the dotard who, hard of hearing, is uttering only what he wants to say. [...] I will surely and definitely tame the mentally deranged U.S. dotard with fire. ** [[Kim Jong-un]], quoted in {{citation |date=2018-09-22 |title=Trump Is A Rogue And Gangster Playing With Fire- North Korean Leader, Kim Jong |author=Seun Oyedele |periodical=Odua Voice |url=https://www.oduavoice.com/2017/09/22/trump-is-a-rogue-and-gangster-playing-with-fire-north-korean-leader-kim-jong/}} * Donald Trump is a [[fascist]]. ... Not in the sense of an all-purpose [[bad]] guy, but in the sense of somebody who sincerely believes that the toxic combination of strong [[government]] and strong [[corporations]] should run the [[nation]] and the [[world]]. He spent his previous career negotiating with the government on behalf of corporations; now he has switched teams. But it's the same game. ** [[Michael Kinsley]], ''[https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/donald-trump-is-actually-a-fascist/2016/12/09/e193a2b6-bd77-11e6-94ac-3d324840106c_story.html?utm_term=.6aa47d53b2b7 Donald Trump is actually a fascist]'', ''{{w|The Washington Post}}'' (December 9, 2016) * If instead of having ten fingers, I had ten combs for fingers, I'd love to meet Donald Trump, just so I could run my fingers through his hair. ** {{citation | author = Jarod Kintz | date = 2011-05-18 | title = This Book is Not For Sale }} * We want every vote counted, yes every legal vote (of course). But, if you have legit concerns about fraud present EVIDENCE and take it to court. <b>STOP Spreading debunked [[misinformation]]... This is getting insane. </b> ** [[Adam Kinzinger]], Republican Congress member (2020-11-06) to Donald Trump about the 2020 election, <i>[https://twitter.com/RepKinzinger/status/1324503564891414528 Tweet] </i> * Yesterday, it became evident that not only has the president abdicated his duty to protect the people and the people’s house, he invoked and inflamed passions that only gave fuel to the insurrection that we saw here. When pressed to move and denounce the violence, he barely did so while of course victimizing himself and seeming to give a wink and a nod to those doing it. All indications are that the president has become unmoored, not just from his duty or even his oath but reality, itself. It is for this reason that I call on the vice president and members of the Cabinet to ensure the next few weeks are safe for the American people and that we have a sane captain of the ship. ** Adam Kinzinger, quoted by {{citation | author = Rick Pearson, Lisa Donovan | date = 2020-01-07 | title = Republican US Rep. Adam Kinzinger calls for 25th Amendment to remove President Trump from office | url = https://www.chicagotribune.com/politics/ct-adam-kinzinger-trump-calls-for-invoking-25th-amendment-20210107-ldf2chdunbecbo6ry6uino4dpq-story.html }} * The worst president the USA ever had. He was a liar and a charlatan. And he was a man with a most fragile ego I ever met. ** Adam Kinzinger, quoted by {{citation | author = Bradley Cortright | date = 2022-02-07 | title = Kinzinger Ramps Up Criticism of Trump: I Will Tell My Son He Was the 'Worst President' | url = https://ijr.com/kinzinger-ramps-criticism-trump-will-tell-son-worst-president/ }} * I have spent my life building bridges and tearing down barriers — not building walls. That’s why I find Donald Trump’s belief that an American-born judge of Mexican descent is incapable of fairly presiding over his case is not only dead wrong, it is un-American. As the Presidential campaign progressed, I was hoping the rhetoric would tone down and reflect a campaign that was inclusive, thoughtful and principled. While I oppose the Democratic nominee, Donald Trump’s latest statements, in context with past attacks on Hispanics, women and the disabled like me, make it certain that I cannot and will not support my party’s nominee for President regardless of the political impact on my candidacy or the Republican Party. It is absolutely essential that we are guided by a commander-in-chief with a responsible and proper temperament, discretion and judgment. Our President must be fit to command the most powerful military the world has ever seen, including an arsenal of thousands of nuclear weapons. After much consideration, I have concluded that Donald Trump has not demonstrated the temperament necessary to assume the greatest office in the world. ** [[Mark Kirk]], quoted in ''[https://web.archive.org/web/20160608015204/http://chicago.suntimes.com/news/sen-mark-kirk-withdraws-support-for-trump/ Sen. Mark Kirk withdraws support for Trump]'' by Lynn Sweet, 7 June 2016, ''{{w|Chicago Sun-Times}}''. *I think Trump may be one of those figures in history who appears from time to time to mark the end of an era and to force it to give up its old pretenses. It doesn’t necessarily mean that he knows this, or that he is considering any great alternative. It could just be an accident. **[[Henry Kissinger]], interview with the ''Financial Times'', [https://www.ft.com/content/926a66b0-8b49-11e8-bf9e-8771d5404543 18 July 2018] * Donald Trump — a political neophyte, a New York loudmouth who plays fast and loose with the truth, a massive [[egotism|egotist]] and a not altogether pleasant human being — has delivered conservatives one of the greatest years in living memory and has made our government more [[morality|moral]] in the process. The left and many on the right didn't see it coming because they [[hate]] the man. And because they didn't see it coming, they won't see that it's come. ** [[Andrew Klavan]], "[https://pjmedia.com/andrewklavan/trump-has-made-our-government-more-moral/ Trump Has Made Our Government More Moral]", ''PJ Media'' (December 15, 2017) *these children are ready to deliver their moral verdict on the people and institutions who knew all about the dangerous, depleted world they would inherit and yet chose not to act. They know what they think of Donald Trump in the United States and Jair Bolsonaro in Brazil and Scott Morrison in Australia and all the other leaders who torch the planet with defiant glee while denying science so basic that these kids could grasp it easily at age eight. **[[Naomi Klein]] ''On Fire: The (Burning) Case for a Green New Deal'' (2019) * President Trump has violated many of the norms and [[w:Law of the United States|laws]] on which our democracy depends. He circumvents [[United States Congress|Congress]] [[w:National Emergency Concerning the Southern Border of the United States|by declaring the “crisis” at the border a national emergency]]. He orders his staff to ignore {{w|subpoena}}s. He uses his presidential status to enhance his [[w:Trump family|family]]’s wealth. He demands absolute loyalty from his appointees. He treats truth like a despot and jokes with [[Vladimir Putin]] about his “[[w:Fake news#Usage of the term by Donald Trump|fake news]]” problem. He boasts about [[w:Donald Trump sexual misconduct allegations|his misogyny]] and [[Racial views of Donald Trump|spews racist insults]]. Trump is not a [[despot]]. But neither were [[Mussolini]] and [[Hitler]] early on. No [[w:Blackshirts|black]] or {{w|brown shirts}} march in our streets. President Trump’s enablers wear white shirts and black robes. They are unified. Democrats are not. ** [[Claudia Koonz]], ''[https://historynewsnetwork.org/article/173030 Autocrats do not need a majority to destroy democracy. A divided opposition helps them.]'' (September 15, 2019), ''{{w|History News Network}}''. * Look, Trump has been elected, he will be our president and he has the right to choose conservatives. But instead of turning to the many principled Republicans available, he seems drawn to hotheads and [[bigots]], embarrassing himself and our nation. ** [[Nicholas D. Kristof]], ''[http://www.nytimes.com/2016/11/20/opinion/sunday/so-many-options-yet-donald-trump-picks-the-ugly.html Trump Embarrasses Himself and Our Country]'', ''{{w|The New York Times}}'' (November 19, 2016) *Isn't Donald Trump the very epitome of vulgarity? In sum... Isn't [[Trumpism]] a two-bit Caesarism of a kind that American conservatives have always disdained? Isn't the task of conservatives today to stand athwart Trumpism, yelling Stop? ** [[Bill Kristol|William Kristol]], [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination "Conservatives Against Trump"] (21 January 2016), ''National Review''. * What do African-Americans have to lose, asks Donald Trump. ** [[Paul Krugman]], about the comments of Trump on African Americans in the United States. [https://twitter.com/paulkrugman/status/766985736843165696 Twitter, August 20, 2016] === L === * There is nothing like a common adversary to make people recognize what they have in common. Once there was consensus that civility, compassion, immigration, equal opportunity and foreign allies were good; that racism, misogyny, discrimination, voter suppression and foreign autocrats were bad; that respect for the U.S. military, intelligence community, political leaders, science, the Constitution and the rule of law was a given; that the American promise was based on good faith, compromise and checks and balances; and that presidents should be role models. ** {{citation |date=2020-10-19 |title=Trump’s COVID-19 Misinformation Since Testing Positive | author= Jill Lawren | periodical=USA Today | url=https://usatoday.com/story/opinion/voices/2020/10/19/never-trump-conservatives-for-biden-patriots-role-models-column/3696503001/}} * On January 20, 2017, Donald John Trump became president, unskilled in the machinery of government and unmoved morally by the calling of the position, but aglow in his unmatched power. The first three years of Trump's term revealed a presidency of one, in which the universal value was loyalty- not to the country, but to the president himself. Scandal, bluster, and uninhibited chaos reigned. Decisions were driven by a reflexive logic of self-preservation and self-aggrandizement. Delusions born of narcissism and insecurity overtook reality. ** Carol Leonnig and Philip Rucker, ''I Alone Can Fix It: Donald J. Trump's Catastrophic Final Year'' (2021), p. 1 * The year 2020 will be remembered in the American epoch as one of anguish and abject failure. The coronavirus pandemic killed more than half a million people in the United States and infected tens of millions more, the deadliest health crisis in a century. Through the administration's [[w:Operation Warp Speed|Operation Warp Speed]] helped produce [[COVID-19 vaccine|vaccines]] in record time, its overall coronavirus response was mismanaged by the president and marred by ineptitude and backbiting. The virus was only one of the crises Trump confronted in 2020. The pandemic paralyzed the economy, plunging the nation into a recession during which low-wage workers, many of them minorities, suffered the most. The May 25 killing of [[George Floyd]], a Black man, under the knee of a white police officer ignited protests for racial justice and an end to police discrimination and brutality. Yet Trump sought to exploit the simmering divisions for personal political gain, quickly declared himself "your president of law and order" and relentlessly pressured Pentagon leaders to deploy active-duty troops against [[Black Lives Matter]] protestors. The worsening [[Global warming|climate crisis]], meanwhile, was almost entirely ignored Trump, who earlier in his term had rolled back [[Environmentalism|environmental]] regulations and withdrawn the United States from the [[Paris Agreement]]. The president was instead preoccupied with stoking doubts about the legitimacy of the election. After he lost to Joe Biden, Trump fanned the flames of conspiracies and howled about fraud that did not exist. His false claims of a "rigged election" inspired thousands of people to storm the Capitol in [[2021 United States Capitol attack|a violent and ultimately failed insurrection on January 6, 2021]]. ** Carol Leonnig and Philip Rucker, ''I Alone Can Fix It: Donald J. Trump's Catastrophic Final Year'' (2021), p. 2 * Most of Trump's failings can be explained by a simple truth: He cared more about himself than the country. Whether managing the coronavirus or reacting to his election defeat, Trump prioritized what he thought to be his political and personal interests over the common good. ** Carol Leonnig and Philip Rucker, ''I Alone Can Fix It: Donald J. Trump's Catastrophic Final Year'' (2021), p. 4 * ...shrewdness, coupled with shamelessness and unnatural political stamina, allowed Trump to deliver on many of his political promises. He pleased his conservative base by remaking the federal judiciary, including with three nominations to the Supreme Court; cutting taxes on corporations and the wealthy; expanding the military; toughening border enforcement; and weakening the regulatory state. Trump also forged new bilateral trade agreements, negotiated peace accords in the Middle East, and won concessions from European allies he had argued were taking advantage of the United States. Trump nearly won a second term. More than 74 million people voted to reelect him- the second-highest total ever recorded, the highest being Biden's 81 million. Were it not for Biden's victories in a handful of swing states, Trump would have won the electoral college and secured four more years in office. It would be foolhardy then to dismiss his presidency as a failure and to turn the page on this period. Rather, we must try to understand what made him so appealing to so many, and what that reveals about the country. ** Carol Leonnig and Philip Rucker, ''I Alone Can Fix It: Donald J. Trump's Catastrophic Final Year'' (2021), p. 6-7 *Deserate people do desperate things in desperate times, unfortunately the American people are facing desperate times of [[COVID-19]], but '''this president is in desperate times'''... as he speaks ill about senator Harris '''he speaks ill about women''', and we hear it and it is a '''loud siren across this nation''' **[[Sheila Jackson Lee]] on [https://www.facebook.com/AC360/videos/trump-intentionally-mispronouncing-kamala-harris-name/715040455763281/ Anderson Cooper 360 (video)] on October 26, 2020 * Sadism has even found a prominent position in popular culture. Many prime-time television series now owe their staying power to the sadistic impulses they exploit on the tube. Audience members find tremendous enjoyment in viewing horrified contestants who devour worms and insects on NBC's ''Fear Factor''; Donald Trump who exclaims without nuance, "You're fired" on his wildly popular series, ''The Apprentice''... ** Jack Levin and James Alan Fox, "Normalcy in Behavioral Characteristics of the Sadistic Serial Killer", Chapter 1 in ''Serial Murder and the Psychology of Violent Crimes'', edited by Richard N. Kocsis, 2008 Humana Press; p. 12-13 *Donald Trump is no conservative. That's not a crime, it's just a reason to vote against him. Many fine people are not conservatives. But the reason Trump's candidacy should worry the Right runs much deeper than that. He poses a direct challenge to conservatism, because he embodies the empty promise of managerial leadership outside of politics. ** Yuval Levin, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination "Conservatives Against Trump"] (21 January 2016), ''National Review''. *Trump...is an unstable, reckless and irrational extremist who is not bound by the rule of any law, and is eager to dismantle all constraints on the looting of the planet. If he wins again, he will be even less constrained. Some of his actions will be catastrophically irreversible. **[[Aurora Levins Morales]] [https://convergencemag.com/articles/midnight-in-the-latrines-again/ "Midnight in the Latrines"] (2020) *We have now arrived at a point where what is being spouted by Donald Trump, and others, amounts to a shallow, vulgar, uncompassionate conservatism. Sadly, to many Republicans, [[George W. Bush|Bush]] is now a punchline, and Trump is the fad of the moment. ** Matt Lewis, [http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2015/11/25/you-guys-i-m-starting-to-miss-dubya.html "You Guys, I'm Starting to Miss Dubya"] (25 November 2015), ''The Daily Beast'' *President Trump’s order to take out [[Qasem Soleimani]] was morally, constitutionally and strategically correct. It deserves more bipartisan support than the begrudging or negative reactions it has received thus far from my fellow Democrats. ** [[Joe Lieberman]], [https://www.wsj.com/articles/the-democrats-and-iran-11578262553 "The Democrats and Iran"], ''[[w:The Wall Street Journal|The Wall Street Journal]]'' (January 5, 2020) *I know Donald Trump. He's been a frequent guest on my radio and television programs, and I introduced him at the [[w:Conservative Political Action Conference|Conservative Political Action Conference]] in 2015. He has always been amiable and complimentary. I genuinely like him. But not as my presidential pick. ** [[Dana Loesch]], [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination "Conservatives Against Trump"] (21 January 2016), ''National Review''. * Trump's time in the White House is finally over. His presidency can be summarized as chaos, division, threats and hate. It's a wake up call for what can happen when hate and extremism are let in. ** [[w:Stefan Löfven|Stefan Löfven]], Prime Minister of Sweden, on [https://www.facebook.com/stefanlofven/posts/5326105824096935 FaceBook, January 20 2021] (in Swedish). *While Trump's appeal to various groups may be understandable, he makes a terrible champion for Republicans, and especially for conservatives. By the standards we typically use to evaluate candidates — their records, their views, their popularity with the general public, their experience, their temperament, their character — Trump should be dismissed out of hand. No candidate is perfect, but large numbers of conservatives have never before supported any candidate so obviously deficient in all of these respects. That Trump has a long history of liberal positions that extends even into the fairly recent past should not by itself be disqualifying. Conservatism has always welcomed converts. But conservatives have also expected some demonstrated commitment to their principles, some action that advanced their causes, before seeking to elevate a convert to high office. When Mitt Romney ran for the Senate in 1994, for example, he tried to distance himself from Reagan-era conservatism. He later moved right. But even on his least conservative day, Romney was arguing for a smaller government and lower taxes (and for an end to [[Ted Kennedy]]'s career). Trump, by contrast, has done essentially nothing for any conservative cause prior to deciding to run for the Republican presidential nomination. ** [[Rich Lowry]] and Ramesh Ponnuru, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/425010/donald-trump-lowry-ponnuru "Trump Wrongs The Right"] (19 October 2015), ''National Review''. * Trump obviously never meant to impose a wealth test on his administration, or he would have failed it himself. He is proof that a fortune isn't necessarily an obstacle to being a champion of an agenda of {{w|populist}} reform. ** [[Rich Lowry]], ''[http://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2016/11/no-the-swamp-wont-be-drained-214493 No, the Swamp Won't Be Drained]'', ''{{w|Politico}}'' (December 01, 2016) * He wouldn't {{w|drain the swamp}}, but merely feed different alligators. ** [[Rich Lowry]], ''[http://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2016/11/no-the-swamp-wont-be-drained-214493 No, the Swamp Won't Be Drained]'', ''{{w|Politico}}'' (December 01, 2016) * No participant in an administration that caged children, performed involuntary surgeries on captive women, and scoffed at science as millions were infected with a deadly virus should be enriched by the almost rote largesse of a big book deal. And no one who incited, suborned, instigated, or otherwise supported the January 6, 2021 coup attempt should have their philosophies remunerated and disseminated through our beloved publishing houses. ** Barry Lyga, novelist, in a letter signed by more than 250 authors, editors, agents, professors and others in the American literary community, as quoted in {{citation |date=2021-01-15 |title=Hundreds in publishing sign letter objecting to book deals for the Trump administration | author= Dorany Pineda | periodical=Los Angeles Times | url=https://www.latimes.com/entertainment-arts/books/story/2021-01-15/book-world-signs-letter-to-block-trump-book-deals}} * When you get up there and try to say you want to see Hillary Clinton win, that wouldn't go over so big. Trump has sold me. What more can I say? I just think he's the only one who's going to turn this country around. ** [[Loretta Lynn]], as quoted in [http://dailycaller.com/2016/01/13/this-huge-country-star-just-revealed-the-republican-shes-supporting-for-president/ "This Huge Country Star Just Revealed The Republican She's Supporting For President"] by Kaitlan Collins, ''The Daily Caller'' (13 January 2016) === M === * [Trump ... alpha male] they’re overcompensating for how insecure they feel — a man who is secure with himself, a human who is secure with themselves, doesn’t have to go around bullying people all the time. ** [[Madonna]] stating it was not true that she had ever asked Donald Trump for a date according to [https://www.nytimes.com/2019/06/05/magazine/madonna-madame-x.html Madonna at Sixty] published June 5, 2019 *Donald Trump, for all of his bluster, is at least authentically stupid... All these other guys are clown posers. Trump is the genuine article. And, God help me, I think I'd rather have him sitting in the Oval Office, getting stupidly out-maneuvered by the politicians under him, than bringing in a guy like [[Ben Carson|Carson]] who is willing to shred every last bit of his intellectual credibility in order to lord over a citizenry he doesn't seem to have much respect for. ** {{w|Drew Magary}}, [http://www.gq.com/story/fuck-ben-carson "F*ck Ben Carson"], ''GQ'' (8 October 2015) * New Rule: Whenever you think the [[Tea Party movement|Tea Party]] can't get any dumber, they get dumber. Now they're in love with Donald Trump. Because nothing says "We're serious about fiscal responsibility" quite like a billionaire whose corporations have filed for bankruptcy three times. ** {{citation | author = [[Bill Maher]] | year = 2011 | title = The New New Rules: A Funny Look At How Everybody But Me Has Their Head Up Their Ass | location = New York | publisher = Blue Rider Press | isbn = 978-0399158414 }} * Here's the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He's never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He's totally— he's the white [[Kanye West|Kanye]]. And they are gonna love him. For a party whose base adores belligerence, this is the guy. ** [[Bill Maher]], {{citation | date = 2015-06-26 | title = Real Time with Bill Maher | medium = TV | url = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oTL-M3e6lq0 }} * Did you know that of the 14 states with the highest number of painkiller prescriptions per person, they all went for Trump? ** [[Bill Maher]] ''Real Time with Bill Maher'', January 20th 2017 * His behavior defies the traditional definition of what it means to be "manly." He wears bronzer, loves gold and gossip, is obsessed with his physical appearance, whines constantly, can't control his emotions, watches daytime television, enjoys parades and interior decorating, and used to sell perfume. ** Windsor Mann, {{citation | date = 2019-02-18 | title = The least macho president | publisher = The Week | url = https://theweek.com/articles/816310/least-macho-president }} * He set us back like 10 years. We have worked so hard to promote our values, values that made him president when he hawked them, and now he does this, leaving everything in shambles? Nah, destroy him. Let it be a lesson to every other 'populist'. ** Frances Martel, international news editor at Breitbart News, as quoted by {{citation | author = Will Sommer | date = 2021-01-15 | title = ‘Destroy Trump’: Breitbart Staffers Seethe After Capitol Riot | publisher = Daily Beast | url = https://www.thedailybeast.com/breitbart-staffers-clashed-over-blaming-trump-for-capitol-riot-leaked-chats-show?ref=home?ref=home }} * I think even during the campaign I said that Trump reminded me most of [[w:Joffrey Baratheon|Joffrey]]. They have the same level of emotional maturity. And Joffrey likes to remind everyone that he's king. And he thinks that gives him the ability to do anything. And we're not an [[w:Absolute monarchy|absolute monarchy]], like [[w:Westeros|Westeros]] is. We're a constitutional republic. And yet, Trump doesn't seem to know what that means. He thinks the presidency gives him the power to do anything. And so, yeah, Joffrey is Trump. ** [[George R. R. Martin]], interviewed by Jamie Sims in the ''T: The New York Times Style Magazine'', [https://www.nytimes.com/2018/10/16/t-magazine/george-rr-martin-qanda-game-of-thrones.html "George R. R. Martin Answers Times Staffers’ Burning Questions,"] October 16, 2018. * Today's violent assault on our Capitol, an effort to subjugate American democracy by mob rule, was fomented by Mr. Trump. His use of the Presidency to destroy trust in our election and to poison our respect for fellow citizens has been enabled by pseudo political leaders whose names will live in infamy as profiles in cowardice. Our Constitution and our Republic will overcome this stain and We the People will come together again in our never-ending effort to form a more perfect Union, while Mr. Trump will deservedly be left a man without a country. ** [[Jim Mattis|James Mattis]] {{citation | date = 2020-01-07 | title = Former Defense Secretary Mattis says Trump 'fomented' the security breach at the US Capitol | publisher = abc NEWS | url = https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/defense-secretary-mattis-trump-fomented-security-breach-us/story?id=75100611 }} * Trump is a potential disaster as commander-in-chief—uninformed, volatile, poor judgment. Hard to believe this is the candidate of a major political party. ** [[Barry McCaffrey]], retired four-star U.S. Army general, as quoted in [https://www.yahoo.com/news/does-military-think-donald-trump-204408128.html "What Does the Military Think of Donald Trump?"] (15 June 2016), ''Time'' * In recent days, Donald Trump disparaged a fallen soldier's parents. He has suggested that the likes of their son should not be allowed in the United States — to say nothing of entering its service. I cannot emphasize enough how deeply I disagree with Mr. Trump's statement. I hope Americans understand that the remarks do not represent the views of our Republican Party, its officers, or candidates. ** [[John McCain]], statement regarding Donald Trump's comments about [[Khizr M. Khan|Khizr]] and Ghazala Khan ([http://edition.cnn.com/2016/08/01/politics/john-mccain-statement-khan-family/index.html transcript] by {{w|CNN}}) (August 1, 2016) * I claim no moral superiority over Donald Trump. I have a long and well-known public and private record for which I will have to answer at the Final Judgment, and I repose my hope in the promise of mercy and the moderation of age. I challenge the nominee to set the example for what our country can and should represent. ** [[John McCain]], statement regarding Donald Trump's comments about [[Khizr M. Khan|Khizr]] and Ghazala Khan ([http://edition.cnn.com/2016/08/01/politics/john-mccain-statement-khan-family/index.html transcript] by {{w|CNN}}) (August 1, 2016) * [[Arizona]] is watching. It is time for Donald Trump to set the example for our country and the future of the Republican Party. While our Party has bestowed upon him the nomination, it is not accompanied by unfettered license to defame those who are the best among us. ** [[John McCain]], statement regarding Donald Trump's comments about [[Khizr M. Khan|Khizr]] and Ghazala Khan ([http://edition.cnn.com/2016/08/01/politics/john-mccain-statement-khan-family/index.html transcript] by {{w|CNN}}) (August 1, 2016) * [[2018 Russia–United States summit|Today's press conference in Helsinki]] was one of the most disgraceful performances by an American president in memory. The damage inflicted by [[President Trump]]'s [[naiveté]], [[egotism]], [[false]] [[equivalence]], and [[sympathy]] for [[autocrats]] is difficult to calculate. … President Trump proved not only unable, but unwilling to stand up to [[Putin]]. He and Putin seemed to be speaking from the same script as the president made a conscious [[choice]] to defend a [[tyrant]] against the fair questions of a [[free press]], and to grant Putin an uncontested platform to spew [[propaganda]] and [[lies]] to the [[world]]. … No prior president has ever abased himself more abjectly before a tyrant. Not only did President Trump fail to speak the [[truth]] about an adversary; but speaking for America to the world, our president failed to [[defend]] all that makes us who we are — a [[republic]] of [[free]] [[people]] dedicated to the cause of [[liberty]] at home and abroad. American presidents must be the champions of that cause if it is to [[succeed]]. Americans are [[waiting]] and hoping for President Trump to embrace that [[sacred]] [[responsibility]]. One can only [[hope]] they are not waiting totally in vain. ** [[John McCain]], official statement: [https://www.mccain.senate.gov/public/index.cfm?p=press-releases&id=A99FDA26-673D-4560-B4EA-5AEDF0685EC5 "SASC Chairman John Mccain on Trump-Putin Meeting" (16 July 2018)] *The presidency's most crucial duty is the protection of American national security. Yet, interviewed by Hugh Hewitt months into his campaign, Donald Trump did not know the key leaders of the global jihad. The man who would be commander-in-chief was unfamiliar with [[Hassan Nasrallah]], the [[Hezbollah]] leader who has been murdering Americans for over 30 years; Ayman al-Zawahiri, Osama bin Laden's longtime deputy who has quite notoriously commanded al-Qaeda since the network's leader was killed by U.S. forces in 2011; and Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, self-proclaimed caliph of the Islamic State (ISIS) and a jihadist so globally notorious that many teenagers are aware of him. Of course a man who wants to be president should make it his business to know such things. **Andrew C. McCarthy, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination "Conservatives Against Trump"] (21 January 2016), ''National Review''. <i> About the [[2021 storming of the United States Capitol|attack on US Capitol]]: </i> * The mob was fed lies. They were provoked by the President and other powerful people. ** Mitch McConnell, Senate Majority Leader, Republican, quoted by {{citation | date = 2021-01-19 | author = Alex Rogers, Clare Foran | title = Mitch McConnell: Capitol Hill mob was 'provoked' by Trump | publisher = CNN | url = https://edition.cnn.com/2021/01/19/politics/mitch-mcconnell-rioters-provoked/index.html }} <i> About the attack on US Capitol: </i> * Former President Trump's actions that preceded the riot were a disgraceful, disgraceful dereliction of duty. Trump is practically and morally responsible for provoking the events of the day. * Impeachment was never meant to be the final forum for American justice * We have a criminal justice system in this country. We have civil litigation. And former Presidents are not immune from being held accountable by either one. * He did not do his job. He didn't take steps so federal law could be faithfully executed and order restored. No. Instead, according to public reports, he watched television happily -- happily -- as the chaos unfolded. ** Mitch McConnell, as quoted by {{citation | date = 2021-02-13 | author = Alex Rogers and Manu Raju | title = McConnell blames Trump but voted not guilty anyway | publisher = CNN | url = https://edition.cnn.com/2021/02/13/politics/mitch-mcconnell-acquit-trump/index.html }} *When you think of how far we have come, and at what cost, and with what faith, to just turn it all over to this monstrous clown with a monstrous ego, with no experience, never served his country in any way — it's just crazy. We can't stand by and let it happen. The Republican Party shouldn't stand by and let it happen. ** {{w|David McCullough}}, quoted by Jim Dwyer in ''{{w|The New York Times}}'', [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/07/13/nyregion/donald-trump-david-mccullough-ken-burns.html "Scholars Steeped in Dead Politicians Take On a Live One: Donald Trump,"] July 12 2016. *Trump had been calling for better relations with [[Russia]] during his presidential campaign... Stooping to a new low, Friday's (New York) Times headline screamed: "F.B.I. Opened Inquiry Into Whether Trump Was Secretly Working on Behalf of Russia." For those interested in evidence — or the lack of it— regarding collusion between Russia and the presidential campaign of Donald Trump, we can thank the usual Russia-gate promoters at [[Mainstream media|The New York Times and CNN]] for inadvertently filling in some gaps in recent days... NYT readers had to get down to paragraph 9 to read: "No evidence has emerged..." **[[Ray McGovern]] in [https://consortiumnews.com/2019/01/15/russia-gate-evidence-please/ ''Ray McGovern: Russia-gate Evidence, Please,''] (15 January 2019) * Donald Trump is no conservative. He's a populist whose theme is: Our government is broken, and I'll fix it. He's right on point one: Both parties have failed to lead. Obama and congressional Democrats manipulate the levers of power to push America farther toward European socialism; Republicans promise free-market alternatives but end up caving in to pressure or carrying water for the GOP's own big-government special interests. The American people have signaled in recent elections that they've had enough of business as usual, and now they want to clean house. Yet Trump is no better than what we already have. He'll say anything to get a vote but give us more of the same if he gets into office. Trump beguiles us, defies the politically correct media, and bullies anyone who points out that the emperor has no clothes. None of that makes him a conservative who cherishes liberty... For decades, Trump has argued for big government. ** David McIntosh, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination "Conservatives Against Trump"] (21 January 2016), ''National Review''. * Trump himself thought it was a good idea in the recent past to support Hillary Clinton, including to be President. ** Dan McLaughlin, [http://www.redstate.com/dan_mclaughlin/2016/05/17/never-trump-movement-neither-anti-american-hypocritical/ "The Never Trump Movement Is Neither Anti-American Nor Hypocritical"] (17 May 2016), ''Red State'' * Trump is unexpectedly increasing my enthusiasm for [[Hillary Clinton|Hillary]]. What he is saying is not based on facts: it's based on immaturity, bad judgment and ignorance, and I think it's going to be hard for people in uniform who are thoughtful about this, to vote for him. ** [[Merrill McPeak]], retired U.S. Air Force chief of staff, as quoted in [https://www.yahoo.com/news/does-military-think-donald-trump-204408128.html "What Does the Military Think of Donald Trump?"] (15 June 2016), ''Time'' * Donald Trump is an original ** [[John McWhorter]] '''[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=phsU1vVHOQI Language Expert: Donald Trump's Way Of Speaking Is 'Oddly Adolescent' | The 11th Hour | MSNBC]''' (September 15, 2017) *Trump, who came in as a peacemaker president, has started a new war for the U.S. **Dmitry Medvedev, ex-Russia president and the Deputy Chairman of the Russian Security Council [https://www.ndtv.com/world-news/many-nations-ready-to-supply-iran-with-their-nuclear-warheads-top-putin-aide-8731477 Many Nations Ready To Supply Iran With Their Nuclear Warheads: Top Putin Aide] ''NDTV World'' (June 22, 2025) * Trump's brawling, blustery, mean-spirited public persona serves to associate conservatives with all the negative stereotypes that liberals have for decades attached to their opponents on the right. According to conventional caricature, conservatives are selfish, greedy, materialistic, bullying, misogynistic, angry, and intolerant. They are, we're told, privileged and pampered elitists who revel in the advantages of inherited wealth while displaying only cruel contempt for the less fortunate and the less powerful. The Left tried to smear Ronald Reagan in such terms but failed miserably because he displayed none of the stereotypical traits... Trump is the living, breathing, bellowing personification of all the nasty characteristics Democrats routinely ascribe to Republicans. ** {{w|Michael Medved}}, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination "Conservatives Against Trump"] (21 January 2016), ''National Review''. * There are two tactical approaches for candidates seeking their party's nomination in election campaigns. One is to strongly debate the issues and firmly advocate your positions, but to avoid personal attacks on your opponents or needless divisiveness. The other is to vigorously attack your fellow candidates, disparaging them personally and seeking to raise yourself up by dragging them down. Ronald Reagan was famous for epitomizing the former path. Donald Trump, unfortunately, has chosen to follow the latter course... At a time when the nation is suffering under one of the most divisive and incompetent presidents in history, our people need positive, unifying leadership, not negative, destructive political rhetoric. ** [[Edwin Meese]], [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination "Conservatives Against Trump"] (21 January 2016), ''National Review''. * Trump owes less to [[Wendell Willkie|Willkie]]'s tradition than to [[Benito Mussolini]]'s, and not only because of the superficial: Trump's chin-out toughness, sweeping right-hand gestures and talk of his "huge" successes and his "stupid" opponents all evoke the Italian dictator's style. Monday's breathtaking announcement that he would block all Muslims from entering the United States has many pointing out the obvious fascist overtones... Trump uses many of the fascist's tools: a contempt for facts, spreading a pervasive sense of fear and overwhelming crisis, portraying his backers as victims, assigning blame to foreign or alien actors and suggesting only his powerful personality can transcend the crisis. He endorsed the violence done to a dissenter at one of his rallies, and he now floats the idea of making entry to the United States contingent on religion. ** [[Dana Milbank]], [https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/donald-trump-isnt-todays-wendell-willkie-hes-todays-benito-mussolini/2015/12/08/77c81b0c-9ddc-11e5-a3c5-c77f2cc5a43c_story.html "Donald Trump, America's modern Mussolini"] (8 December 2015), ''The Washington Post''. * For all the promises Trump is breaking, there is one he has kept without wavering: his vow to be unpredictable. ... Some suggest that there is a method to Trump's [[madness]], that he is trying to make would-be adversaries think he is [[irrational]] and capricious, thereby making [[foes]] and [[rivals]] wary of pushing him too far. ... But in Trump's application of the {{w|Madman Theory}} there seems to be less [[theory]] than madman. There may be advantages to keeping foes and opponents off guard, but Trump is baffling [[friends]] and [[allies]], too. In [[foreign affairs]], unpredictability spooks allies and spreads instability. And unpredictable [[policy]] at home has long been seen as toxic for business. ... The widespread [[chaos]] suggests Trump isn't signaling new policies as much as he's winging it. His unpredictability is not a theory. It's the absence of one. ** [[Dana Milbank]], ''[https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/trumps-one-consistent-policy-chaos/2016/12/06/f1a5a5ae-bbf7-11e6-91ee-1adddfe36cbe_story.html?utm_term=.f664c9ebc888 Trump's one consistent policy: Chaos]'', ''{{w|The Washington Post}}'' (December 6, 2016) * You never know where the president's trigger point is ** Joint Chiefs Chairman Gen. Mark Milley according to "[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wcGUVBJgZnE Milley took top-secret action to limit Trump's ability to order military strike, book says]" (January8, 2021) *He needs no introduction. His name is familiar to every person on the planet Earth. His name comes up in almost every conversation in the world on global politics. His every word is followed by tens of millions. He has left a deep and lasting impact everywhere. **[[Narendra Modi]], speaking at the "Howdy Modi" rally at NRG Stadium in Houston, United States, ''[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AhFC-Un3J9Q ETV Andhra Pradesh]'' (22 September 2019) [[File:Moon Jae-in 2017.jpg|thumb|President Trump should win the Nobel Peace Prize. ~ [[Moon Jae-in]]]] * '''President Trump should win the Nobel Peace Prize.''' ** [[Moon Jae-in]], as quoted in [https://www.reuters.com/article/us-northkorea-southkorea-trump/trump-should-win-the-nobel-peace-prize-says-south-koreas-moon-idUSKBN1I10OD "South Korea president says Trump deserves Nobel Peace Prize"] by Hyonhee Shin, ''Reuters'' (30 April 2018) * The three primary goals of religious conservatives: to protect all human life, including that of the unborn; to reinforce the sanctity of marriage and the family; and to conserve the religious freedom of all persons. All three goals would be in jeopardy under a Trump presidency. Yes, Trump says that he is pro-life now, despite having supported partial-birth abortion in the past. The problem is not whether he can check a box. Pro-life voters expect leaders to have a coherent vision of human dignity and to be able to defend against assaults on human life in the future—some of which may be unimaginable today and will present themselves only as new technologies develop. ** Russell Moore, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination "Conservatives Against Trump"] (21 January 2016), ''National Review''. * Trump's proposal would assure the enmity of all Muslims, including those whose support we need if we are to prevail. Even assuming an infallible way to identify who is Muslim, the proposal is both under- and over-inclusive. It is under-inclusive because it does not address potential terrorists who have U.S. passports or residence permits, or are already here, or may threaten us abroad; it is over-inclusive because it bars the huge majority of Muslims who are not potential terrorists. Trump says he would order the military to kill the families of terrorists. That would be a direct violation of the most basic laws of armed conflict, which require that deadly force be used only when required by military necessity, under circumstances that allow distinction between military and civilian targets, and when incidental damage to non-military targets is proportional to the military advantage gained. A military that adhered to the laws of armed conflict would necessarily disobey such an order; if it followed the order, both the person who gave it and those who followed it would be subject to prosecution for war crimes. ** Michael B. Mukasey, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination "Conservatives Against Trump"] (21 January 2016), ''National Review''. *What a fucking idiot. **[[Rupert Murdoch]], as quoted in [http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2018/01/michael-wolff-fire-and-fury-book-donald-trump.html "Donald Trump Didn't Want to Be President"] (January 2017), by Michael Wolff, ''NY Mag'' * I want him out. He has caused enough damage. ** Lisa Murkovski, Republican senator, quoted by {{citation | date = 2021-01-10 | author = Kate Sullivan, Nicky Robertson | title = Republican Sen. Pat Toomey says he thinks Trump 'committed impeachable offenses' | publisher = CNN | url = https://edition.cnn.com/2021/01/09/politics/pat-toomey-trump-impeachable-offenses/index.html }} *Trump has gotten six or seven stories in his [[President of the United States|presidency]] so far, that if they happened in 1981, there would have been serious talk about the president needing to resign. And that's gone now, that ray gun of, ''"We don't do this. You can't get away with that"'' is pretty much gone... Everything is a [[Bigotry|racial stereotype]] with him half the time. We've got to admit that about [[Trump]]. **[[Mike Murphy]], [http://conversationswithbillkristol.org/video/mike-murphy/ interview with Bill Kristol] (20 June 2017) *A Moscow loving grifter is on the loose in the White House. Shame on the Vichy Republicans who constantly enable him. **[[Mike Murphy (political consultant)|Mike Murphy]], [https://www.politico.com/story/2018/06/04/playbook-birthday-mike-murphy-620654 interview with Daniel Lippman] (2018) * Yes, I’m supporting [[Donald Trump]]; I’m doing so as enthusiastically as I can do. In fact, I think he’s a terrible [[human]] being. ** [[Mick Mulvaney]] according to [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2018/dec/15/mick-mulvaney-donald-trump-video-terrible-human Debate between Mulvaney and the Democrat Fran Person in York, South Carolina] (15 Dec 2018) * I don't hate the man, but it's time for Trump to hang up his hat & sail into the sunset. * Do we really want a bull in a china shop situation every single day!? Also, I think the legal maximum age for start of Presidential term should be 69. ** Elon Musk, quoted in [https://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/news/other/3554566-elon-musk-time-for-trump-to-hang-up-his-hat-sail-into-the-sunset/ "Elon Musk: Time for Trump to ‘hang up his hat & sail into the sunset’"], 7 July 2022 * What kind of son have I created? ** [[w:Mary Anne MacLeod Trump|Mary Trump]] (Trump's mother), [https://archive.vanityfair.com/article/share/e515a2cd-a51b-4f83-8d61-6ebb9a104e0a is said] to have asked [[Ivana Trump]] === N === *[Trump is the] greatest friend Israel has ever had. **[[Benjamin Netanyahu]]. As quoted in Lazar Berman, ''[https://www.timesofisrael.com/liveblog_entry/netanyahu-calls-trump-greatest-friend-israel-has-ever-had-hailing-his-actions-in-past-2-weeks/ Netanyahu calls Trump ‘greatest friend Israel has ever had,’ hailing his actions in past 2 weeks]'', ''[[w:The Times of Israel|The Times of Israel]]'' (February 4, 2025) * When Trump came for the Mexicans, I did not speak out — as I was not a Mexican. When he came for the Muslims I did not speak out — as I was not a Muslim. Then he came for me. ** [[New York Daily News|The Daily News]], variant of ''{{w|First they came ...}}'' by [[Martin Niemöller]], as quoted in ''[https://www.businessinsider.com/daily-news-donald-trump-muslim-cover-2015-12 Daily News cover shows Donald Trump cutting off the Statue of Liberty's head]'' (December 09, 2015) by Colin Campbell, ''{{w|Business Insider}}'' * I love Donald, and he would make a great [[President of the United States|president]]. Number one, he tells the truth. Number two, he's been where most of these guys want to be, in terms of riding on his own plane. He doesn't have to worry about what hotels he stays in, he doesn't have to worry about how his family gets to Hawaii, so on and so forth. I could give you so many reasons. But most of all, most important I think for Mr. Trump, is he tells it like it is. Look, we can talk about these radicals all we want, but it's my opinion, and I heard [Trump] say this too: They're only going to be as radical as we let them be. ** [[w:Wayne Newton|Wayne Newton]] on {{citation | date = 2015-10-06 | title = [[w:Fox & Friends|Fox & Friends]] | medium = TV }} — as quoted in [http://thehill.com/video/in-the-news/256070-wayne-newton-all-in-on-trump "Wayne Newton all in on Trump"] by Judy Kurtz, ''The Hill'' (6 October 2015) * Mr President... STOP THE INSANITY You lost the election - here's how to save your legacy ** New York Post, quoted in [https://edition.cnn.com/2020/12/28/media/new-york-post-donald-trump-editorial/index.html "New York Post to Donald Trump: Stop the insanity"], David Goldman, ''CNN'' (29 December 2020) * Trump has chosen to identify himself as a Republican as a matter of egotistical convenience. ** [[w:Tom Nichols (academic)|Tom Nichols]], [http://thefederalist.com/2016/02/24/ill-take-hillary-clinton-over-donald-trump/ "I'll Take Hillary Clinton Over Donald Trump"] (24 February 2016), ''The Federalist'' * Donald Trump is the most willfully ignorant man ever to hold the presidency. He does not understand even basic concepts of … well, almost anything. (Yesterday, he explained to a woman in Michigan that he would lower food prices by limiting food imports—in other words, by ''reducing the supply of food.'' Trump went to the Wharton School, where I assume “supply and demand” was part of the first-year curriculum.) He is insensate to anything that conflicts with his needs or beliefs, and briefing him on any topic is virtually impossible. ** [[w:Tom Nichols (academic)|Tom Nichols]], [https://www.theatlantic.com/newsletters/archive/2024/09/scientific-american-harris-endorsement-science-covid/679931/ ''Scientific American'' Didn’t Need to Endorse Anybody] (18 September 2024) * '''As you can imagine, [Pat] is an expert on politics and she predicts whenever you decide to run for office you will be a winner!''' ** [[Richard Nixon]], crediting his wife [[w:Pat Nixon|Pat Nixon]] in a letter to Trump in 1987, [https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/nixon-predicted-trump-success/ FACT CHECK: Did Richard Nixon Write a Letter Predicting Donald Trump’s Success in Politics?], ''[[w:Snopes|Snopes]]'', (May 18, 2017) *Have you ever argued with a toddler? Because if you have, you probably lost that argument, or you killed the toddler. Either way, you didn't win the argument, because you can't win an argument against a toddler. Toddlers will say the most outlandish shit. [...] Over the course of this election season, we've come to realize that president-elect Donald Trump might have the mind of a toddler. And if you think about it, it makes sense. He loves the same things that toddlers do. They like building things. They love attention, always grabbing things they're not supposed to. [...] You don't argue with a child if you want to win. Don't amplify the toddler's voice, because you'll just get trapped in the toddler's world. Rather, just keep asking the toddler to elaborate. Because logic is the downfall of every toddler. The point is to gently demoralize the toddler and smother his tantrums. And, as a bonus, stop him from delegitimizing the press. **[[Trevor Noah]], ''[[The Daily Show]]'', November 30, 2016. Quoted in ''[https://www.businessinsider.com/trevor-noah-trump-toddler-2016-11 Trevor Noah: How journalists really need to deal with Trump]'' (November 30, 2016) by Paul Schrodt, ''{{w|Business Insider}}'' * Donald Trump should be given the [[w:Presidential Medal of Freedom|Medal of Freedom]] for speaking his mind in such a bold, honest and straight-forward manner. ** [[Ted Nugent]], ''[https://web.archive.org/web/20150710040259/http://www.wnd.com/2015/07/give-trump-the-medal-of-freedom/ Give Trump the Medal of Freedom]'', ''{{w|WorldNetDaily}}'' (August 7, 2015). Quoted in ''[https://www.factcheck.org/2018/09/shaq-didnt-call-trump-the-best-president/ Shaq Didn’t Call Trump the 'Best President']'' (September 17, 2018) by Catherine Monk, ''{{w|FactCheck.org}}'' * Donald Trump comes closer than anyone else to being the archetype of the species; crossing genres, he exemplifies all the ways an asshole can capture our attention. ** {{citation | author = Geoffrey Nunberg | date = 2012-08-14 | title = [[w:Ascent of the A-Word|Ascent of the A-Word: Assholism, the First Sixty Years]] | location = New York | publisher = PublicAffairs | isbn = 978-1610391757 | pages = 164-165 }} *I'd like to take Donald Trump to Palestine,/set him free in the streets of Ramallah or Nablus/amidst all the winners who never gave up in sixty-/nine years./They'd like to make their country great again too,/if only their hands weren't tied by the weapons/our country donates. **[[Naomi Shihab Nye]] ''Voices in the Air'' (2018) === O === * [Americans have] a continuing normative commitment to the ideals of individual freedom and mobility, values that extend far beyond the issue of race in the American mind. The depth of this commitment may be summarily dismissed as the unfounded optimism of the average American—I may not be Donald Trump now, but just you wait; if I don't make it, my children will. ** [[Barack Obama]], in a 1991 law school paper called "Race and Rights Rhetoric", as quoted in ''Rising Star: The Making of Barack Obama'' (2017) by David Garrow, and reported in [https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/young-obama-said-the-american-dream-is-to-be-donald-trump "Young Obama Said the American Dream Is to Be Donald Trump", ''Vice'' (12 May 2017)] *We've got a debate inside the other party that is fantasy and schoolyard taunts and selling stuff like it's the Home Shopping Network. And then you've got the Republican establishment -- they're very exercised: We're shocked that somebody would be saying these things. We're shocked that somebody is fanning anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-Muslim sentiment. '''We're shocked! We're shocked that somebody could be loose with the facts. Or distort someone's record -- shocked... This is the guy, remember, who was sure that I was born in Kenya. Who just wouldn't let it go. And all this same Republican establishment, they weren't saying nothing. As long as it was directed at me, they were fine with it. They thought it was a hoot. Wanted to get his endorsement... What is happening in this primary is just a distillation of what's been happening inside their party for more than a decade.''' I mean, the reason that many of their voters are responding is because this is what's been fed through the messages they've been sending for a long time -- that you just make flat assertions that don't comport with the facts. That you just deny the evidence of science. That compromise is a betrayal. That the other side isn't simply wrong, or we just disagree, we want to take a different approach, but the other side is destroying the country, or treasonous. I mean, that's - look it up. That's what they've been saying. So they can't be surprised when somebody suddenly looks and says, you know what, I can do that even better. I can make stuff up better than that. I can be more outrageous than that. I can insult people even better than that. I can be even more uncivil. **Barack Obama on Trump, [https://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2016/03/14/remarks-president-dnc-reception-austin-tx March 2016] * I did hope, for the sake of our country, that Donald Trump might show some interest in taking the job seriously … But he never did. For close to four years now, he’s shown no interest in putting in the work; no interest in finding common ground; no interest in using the awesome power of his office to help anyone but himself and his friends; no interest in treating the presidency as anything but one more reality show that he can use to get the attention he craves. … Trump hasn’t grown into the job because he can’t. **Barack Obama on Trump, [https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2020/08/democratic-national-convention-kamala-harris-barack-obama 20 August 2020] * I like Donald Trump because he speaks from the heart. Make America Great Again is a great slogan. I would like to meet him. ** [[w:Family of Barack Obama#Malik_Obama|Malik Obama]], President Obama's half-brother, as quoted in [http://nypost.com/2016/07/24/why-obamas-half-brother-says-hell-be-voting-for-donald-trump/ "Why Obama's half-brother says he'll be voting for Donald Trump"] by Isabel Vincent, ''New York Post'' (24 July 2016) *Let's take a page from Donald Trump's book and ignore [[political correctness]] for a moment. If you support Trump, you support his sexist, bigoted and racist views. There are no ifs, ands or buts about it, and this is especially true for GOP party leaders, elected officials and even community leaders. Some have said things such as, 'I don't like Trump's history of demeaning women, but I think he will be good for the economy'. Sorry, you don't get a pass because you like one of his policy proposals. It's akin to saying, 'I supported Hitler for his tax plan'. And no, I'm absolutely not comparing Trump to Hitler. But Anne Frank's 86-year-old stepsister, Eva Schloss, who survived [[Auschwitz concentration camp|Auschwitz]], did just that a few weeks ago, telling ''Newsweek'' that Trump 'is acting like another Hitler by inciting racism'. **Dean Obeidallah, [http://www.edition.cnn.com/2016/02/24/opinions/support-trump-support-bigotry-obeidallah/index.html "A Vote For Trump Is A Vote"] (24 February 2016), ''CNN'', State of Georgia: Cable News Network *He lives in fear of going down the path his father went down, which was dementia, followed by Alzheimer's, into his 90s. And I think he's carried that burden forever. And watching how he answers questions now compared to Donald Trump and Trump 1.0, he slurs his words a little, he looks weary, he is slouched. **Timothy L. O'Brien, senior executive editor of Bloomberg Opinion and political analyst, quoted in [https://www.latintimes.com/trump-lives-fear-developing-dementia-alzheimers-like-his-father-political-analyst-claims-582332 Trump 'Lives in Fear' of Developing Dementia, Alzheimer's Like His Father, Political Analyst Claims] ''Latin Times'' (5 May 2025) *He’s not all that. And much less impressive in person than on [[television]], as well. **[[Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez]], [https://www.democracynow.org/2020/2/10/democracy_now_the_squad_sotu Interview] with Democracy Now (2020) *He said to me, "if you're ever caught cheating, you deny, deny, deny, and wear them out, and they will believe you eventually because you've denied so long." **Jack O'Donnell, former president of the Trump Plaza casino in Atlantic City, [https://www.nytimes.com/2019/04/26/us/politics/stephen-moore-donald-trump-sexual-misconduct.html Believing Him: For Trump, Sticking With Men Like Stephen Moore Is Nothing New] (26 April 2019), ''New York Times'' * <p>This young girl, {{w|Tara Conner}}, how old is she? 20? 21. She went out and she was partying. She's from Kentucky. She went to New York and she was hanging out at all the parties, and doing what [[Paris Hilton|Paris]] and [[Lindsay Lohan|Lindsay]] do — you know, dancing, whatever. And so he held a press conference to announce whether or not she was going to ''retain'' her ''crown''. And then she started to cry, going, "I just want to thank Donald for giving me a second chance." And there he is, hair looping, going ''[flipping hair over top of her head, imitating Trump]'' "Everyone deserves a second chance. I'm going to give her a second chance."</p><p>He annoys me on a multitude of levels. ''He's'' the moral authority? Left the first wife, had an affair. Left the second wife, had an affair. Had kids both times, but ''he's'' the moral compass for 20-year-olds in America. Donald, sit and spin, my friend! I don't enjoy him. No. No, no, no.</p> * He inherited a lot of money — wait a minute — and he's been bankrupt so many times where he didn't have to pay. But the people beneath him who he owed money to got shorted out of the money, but he got to again, try again and again. And you know what saved him the second time? After his father died, with ''that'' money, he paid off all his bankruptcy. This is not a self-made man. * I just think that this man is sort of like one of those, you know, snake oil salesmen in ''Little House on the Prairie''. ** Rosie O'Donnell, ''The View'' (2006), quoted in "[http://www.people.com/article/rosie-odonnell-addresses-donald-trump-attack-presidential-debate Rosie O'Donnell Hits Back at Donald Trump After Debate Bashing - and Calls Him an 'Orange Anus']", ''People'' ({{#formatdate:2016-09-27}}) ** Referring to Trump's announcement that he would give Miss USA 2006 a "second chance" after her substance abuse scandal. *This man just can't be [[w:President of the United States|president]]. They've got this button — this briefcase. He's going to find it. **[[P. J. O'Rourke]], alluding to the nuclear codes the commander-in-chief takes control of upon assuming office, [http://www.npr.org/2016/05/09/477339063/conservative-author-pj-orourke-reluctantly-backs-clinton May 7, 2016] on [[w:NPR|NPR]] * The [[w:Founding Fathers of the United States|Founding Fathers]] created a system of {{w|checks and balances}} to limit the power of the President, but it only works if someone fucking checks or balances. And if you don't, it's no longer on Trump, it's on you. Because when you've got the presidential equivalent of a five-year-old shitting on the salad bar of a {{w|Ruby Tuesdays}}, at some point you stop blaming the five-year-old, and you start blaming the people who are not stopping him. Stop that boy, that's what I am saying. Stop that boy, now. ** [[John Oliver]] during a piece on the aftermath of Trump's firing of FBI Director [[James Comey]] on his [[w:Last Week Tonight with John Oliver|Last Week Tonight]] show (14 May 2017) *in 2019, President Trump repeated the baseless conspiracy theory that I had committed immigration fraud, nearly three years after I thought I had answered it once and for all. **[[Ilhan Omar]] ''This is What America Looks Like'' (2021) * Now that he’s president-elect, you just hope that he can make the world a better place. He won fair and square. We have to give him a chance. There’s no need talking about recounts and this and that. ** [[Shaquille O'Neal]], as quoted in ''[https://www.factcheck.org/2018/09/shaq-didnt-call-trump-the-best-president/ Shaq Didn’t Call Trump the 'Best President']'' (September 17, 2018) by Catherine Monk, ''{{w|FactCheck.org}}'' *to me, Trump is more like [former Italian prime minister [Silvio] Berlusconi than like Hitler. Trump is many things. He is pampered, he is an immature man, he is a teenager craving unconditional, endless love from everybody. I don’t think he is fanatic. I’m not sure I would say about his vice president that he is not a fanatic, he probably is, but I don’t think Donald Trump strikes me as a fanatic. **[[Amos Oz]] [https://forward.com/culture/416752/amos-oz-in-final-q-a-israel-is-a-dream-come-true-and-as-a-dream-come-true/ interview with ''Forward''] (2018) === P === *I'm happy with what Trump has done, because he's totally blown up the media! All of a sudden, ‘BOOM!' That lack of caution and shooting from the hip. He's not a president, of course. He's not remotely a president. He has no political skills of any kind. He's simply an American citizen who is creating his own bully pulpit. ** [[Camille Paglia]], as quoted by Luke Morgan Britan, "[http://www.nme.com/blogs/nme-blogs/before-calling-taylor-swift-a-nazi-barbie-camille-paglia-laid-into-plenty-of-other-celebrities-765347#SFT3Db4CgkKHb7QH.99 Before Calling Taylor Swift A ‘Nazi Barbie', Camille Paglia Laid Into Plenty Of Other Celebrities]", NME.com, Dec 11, 2015; retrieved 15 September 2017 *Had Hillary won, everyone would have expected disappointed Trump voters to show a modicum of respect for the electoral results as well as for the historic ceremony of the inauguration, during which former combatants momentarily unite to pay homage to the peaceful transition of power in our democracy. But that was not the reaction of a vast cadre of Democrats shocked by Trump's win. In an abject failure of leadership that may be one of the most disgraceful episodes in the history of the modern Democratic party, [[Chuck Schumer]], who had risen to become the Senate Democratic leader after the retirement of [[Harry Reid]], asserted absolutely no moral authority as the party spun out of control in a nationwide orgy of rage and spite. Nor were there statesmanlike words of caution and restraint from two seasoned politicians whom I have admired for decades and believe should have run for president long ago—Senator [[Dianne Feinstein]] and Congresswoman [[Nancy Pelosi]]. How do Democrats imagine they can ever expand their electoral support if they go on and on in this self-destructive way, impugning half the nation as vile racists and homophobes?<br/>All of which brings us to the issue of Trump's performance to date. The initial conundrum was: could he shift from being the slashing, caustic ex-reality show star of the campaign to a more measured, presidential persona? Perhaps to the dismay of his diehard critics, Trump did indeed make that transition at the Capitol on inauguration morning, when he appeared grave and focused, palpably conveying a sense of the awesome burdens of the highest office. As for his particular actions as president, I am no fan of executive orders, which usurp congressional prerogatives and which I was already denouncing when Obama was constantly signing them (with very little protest, one might add, from the mainstream media). ** [[Camille Paglia]], as quoted by Johnathan V. Last, "[http://www.weeklystandard.com/camille-paglia-on-trump-democrats-transgenderism-and-islamist-terror/article/2008464 Camille Paglia: On Trump, Democrats, Transgenderism, and Islamist Terror]", The Weekly Standard, June 15, 2017 * Only one candidate's record of success proves he is the master of [[w:Trump: The Art of the Deal|the art of the deal]]... I'm here to support the next president of the United States, Donald Trump. ** [[Sarah Palin]], [http://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/sarah-palins-speech-endorsing-donald-trump-in-full-a6822771.html "Sarah Palin's speech endorsing Donald Trump in full"], ''Independent'' (20 January 2016) *With Donald Trump as the presumptive presidential nominee, we are witnessing a populist hijacking of one of the United States' great [[political parties]]... [R]ooted in [[ignorance]], [[prejudice]], fear and isolationism... This troubles me deeply as a Republican, but it troubles me even more as an American... Enough is enough... It's time to put country before party and say it together: Never Trump. ** [[Henry Paulson]], [https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/when-it-comes-to-trump-a-republican-treasury-secretary-says-choose-country-over-party/2016/06/24/c7bdba34-3942-11e6-8f7c-d4c723a2becb_story.html?hpid=hp_no-name_opinion-card-f%3Ahomepage%2Fstory "Choose country over party"] (24 June 2016), ''The Washington Post'', Washington, D.C., as quoted in [http://www.cbsnews.com/news/donald-trump-henry-paulson-op-ed-hillary-clinton-election-2016/ ''CBS News''] (June 2016) *Trump has made a living out of preying on and bullying society's most vulnerable, with the help of government. He isn't an outsider, but rather an unelected politician of the worst kind. He admits that he's bought off elected officials in order get his way and to openly abuse the system. The rabid defense he gets from some quarters is astonishing. Trump's liberal positions aren't in the distant past—he has openly promoted them on the campaign trail. Trump isn't fighting for anyone but himself, which has been his pattern for decades. Conservatives have a serious decision. Do we truly believe in our long-held principles and insist that politicians have records demonstrating fealty to them? Or are we willing to throw these principles away because an entertainer who has been a liberal Democrat for decades simply says some of the right things? ** {{w|Katie Pavlich}}, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination "Conservatives Against Trump"] (21 January 2016), ''National Review'' * Observing his behavior, I have concluded that he is like the man who refuses to ask for directions. * All of the answers are there. And yet the president continues to go down the wrong path and refuses to ask for directions from scientists who know better than any of us. ** [[Nancy Pelosi]], talking about the need for testing, contact tracing, treatment, social distancing, masking and equipment for handling the Coronavirus pandemic, as quoted by Marisa Schultz, [https://www.foxnews.com/politics/pelosi-compares-trump-to-the-man-who-refuses-to-ask-for-directions "Pelosi compares Trump to 'the man who refuses to ask for directions'"], July 17 2020, <i>CNN</i> * We might get somebody of his ilk who's sane, and that would really be dangerous, because it could be who's smart, who's strategic, and the rest. This is a slob. He doesn't believe in science. He's a snake-oil salesman. And he's shrewd. Give him credit for his shrewdness. ** [[Nancy Pelosi]], as quoted by Carol Leonnig and Philip Rucker, ''I Alone Can Fix It: Donald J. Trump's Catastrophic Final Year'' (2021), p. 6 * Donald Trump and I believe that Captain [[w:Humayun S. M. Khan|Humayun Khan]] is an American hero and his family, like all Gold Star families, should be cherished by every American. Captain Khan gave his life to defend our country in the global war on terror. Due to the disastrous decisions of Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton, a once stable Middle East has now been overrun by ISIS. This must not stand. By suspending immigration from countries that have been compromised by terrorism, rebuilding our military, defeating ISIS at its source and projecting strength on the global stage, we will reduce the likelihood that other American families will face the enduring heartbreak of the Khan family. ** [[Mike Pence]], about the statements of Donald Trump on the fallen Captain {{w|Humayun S. M. Khan}}'s family — [https://www.facebook.com/mikepence/posts/10153921668637862 Facebook, July 31, 2016] * It really is remarkable to think about the progress the American people have made over the last several months. When the president tapped me to lead the [[White House Coronavirus Task Force]], he gave us the first objective is to save lives. And to focus on slowing the spread, [[w:Flattening the curve|bending the curve]]. [...] Secondly, the president made it clear to us that we were to make sure the [[w:Impact of the COVID-19 pandemic on hospitals|hospitals]] in impacted areas had the resources and the [[w:COVID-19 pandemic in the United States#Medical supplies|equipment]] that they needed to be able to save as many lives as possible. ** [[Mike Pence]], in an interview with {{w|Chuck Todd}} at ''{{w|Meet the Press}}'' (April 19, 2020). [https://www.nbcnews.com/meet-the-press/meet-press-april-19-2020-n1187411 Transcript online] at ''{{w|NBCNews.com}}'' * The president has made it clear that we want the governors to implement testing and deploy testing where they deem it's most appropriate in their state, we're going to continue to fully partner with states around the country to increase the supply, to make sure that they have the reagents and the test kits necessary to perform those tests. But I want to say again, it is truly -- it's a tribute to the president's leadership that early on in this process he brought in the top commercial labs in the country. They formed an alliance. And we went from one month ago to 80,000 tests being done to four million tests being completed as of yesterday. We'll continue to increase that. We'll continue to make governors aware of that. ** [[Mike Pence]], in an interview with {{w|Chuck Todd}} at ''{{w|Meet the Press}}'' (April 19, 2020). [https://www.nbcnews.com/meet-the-press/meet-press-april-19-2020-n1187411 Transcript online] at ''{{w|NBCNews.com}}'' * I've seen that report in the papers this morning. And I know that [[w:United States Department of Health and Human Services|HHS]] is making inquiries. But we believe those issues were resolved on that particular test by early February. But it's important for your viewers to know that that test, the slow lab-based test that is typical for [[CDC]] and {{w|public health}} labs would never have been able to meet the needs of testing in this coronavirus epidemic. That's why President Trump was so right when he brought together these commercial labs and formed a consortium. And literally took us from -- at that time in February we had done some 20,000 tests total across the country. Now we've done more than four million and we believe we'll have done more than five million tests before the end of this month. None of that would have been possible without the president's leadership, without the innovation, without the incredible efforts of companies like [[w:Roche Diagnostics|Roche]] and [[w:Avid Technology|Avid Laboratories]]. ** [[Mike Pence]] on a [[w:Food and Drug Administration|FDA]]'s report stating that CDC's initial test was faulty, in an interview with {{w|Chuck Todd}} at ''{{w|Meet the Press}}'' (April 19, 2020). [https://www.nbcnews.com/meet-the-press/meet-press-april-19-2020-n1187411 Transcript online] at ''{{w|NBCNews.com}}'' * The American people can be confident that this president wants [[w:Trump administration communication during the COVID-19 pandemic#Lifting restrictions|to reopen]] the American economy as soon as we can safely and responsibly do it. ** [[Mike Pence]], in an interview with {{w|Chuck Todd}} at ''{{w|Meet the Press}}'' (April 19, 2020). [https://www.nbcnews.com/meet-the-press/meet-press-april-19-2020-n1187411 Transcript online] at ''{{w|NBCNews.com}}'' * I wrote the scripture reference, which is 2 Corinthians 3:17, which is how it's written, I'm guilty as charged. That's exactly what I did. I sent him a couple of suggestions of some things he could talk about as a connection point. <br /> It shows that he's not familiar with Bible, Donald Trump's a very interesting guy. There are some things about him that I find fascinating, that I like about him, as well as other evangelicals. ** [[w:Tony Perkins (politician)|Tony Perkins]], in an interview with {{w|CNN}}'s {{w|Erin Burnett}} on ''[[w:Erin Burnett OutFront|OutFront]]'', about Trump saying "two Corinthians" instead of "Second Corinthians" during a speech at Liberty University. [http://edition.cnn.com/2016/01/20/politics/donald-trump-tony-perkins-sarah-palin/] (January 22, 2016) * He offers a barking carnival act that can be best described as Trumpism: a toxic mix of demagoguery, mean-spiritedness and nonsense that will lead the Republican Party to perdition if pursued... Let no one be mistaken: Donald Trump's candidacy is a cancer on conservatism, and it must be clearly diagnosed, excised and discarded. ... Donald Trump is the modern-day incarnation of the {{w|Know Nothing}} movement. ** [[Rick Perry]], campaign event, Willard Hotel, {{#formatdate:2015-07-22}}, quoted in {{citation | date = 2015-07-22 | title = Perry: Trump's campaign ‘a barking carnival act' and ‘a cancer on conservatism' | first = Jose A. | last = DelReal | newspaper = The Washington Post | url = http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/post-politics/wp/2015/07/22/rick-perry-donald-trumps-campaign-a-barking-carnival-act-and-a-cancer-on-conservatism/ }} * I don't know how far Trump will go. But in giving confidence to the American people and exposing establishment hypocrisy, he has already done a great service for our country. ** [[w:Jesse Lee Peterson|Jesse Lee Peterson]], [http://www.wnd.com/2015/09/cowards-join-forces-to-attack-the-bully/ "Cowards join forces to attack the 'bully'"], ''[[w:WorldNetDaily|WND]]'' (21 September 2015) *To most of us, the American presidential campaign is a media freak show, in which Donald Trump is the arch villain. But Trump is loathed by those with power in the United States for reasons that have little to do with his obnoxious behaviour and opinions. To the invisible government in Washington, the unpredictable Trump is an obstacle to America’s design for the 21st century...To the militarists in Washington, the real problem with Trump is that, in his lucid moments, he seems not to want a war with Russia; he wants to talk with the [[President of Russia|Russian president]], not fight him; he says he wants to talk with the president of China. In the first debate with Hillary Clinton, Trump promised not to be the first to introduce nuclear weapons into a conflict. He said, “I would certainly not do first strike. Once the nuclear alternative happens, it’s over.” That was not news... what is clear is that Trump is considered a serious threat to the status quo maintained by the vast national security machine that runs the United States, regardless of who is in the White House. The CIA wants him beaten. The Pentagon wants him beaten. The media wants him beaten. Even his own party wants him beaten. He is a threat to the rulers of the world – unlike Clinton who has left no doubt she is prepared to go to war with nuclear-armed Russia and China... Without a shred of evidence, she has accused Russia of supporting Trump and hacking her emails. **[[John Pilger]], [http://www.informationclearinghouse.info/article45752.htm Inside the Invisible Government: War, Propaganda, Clinton & Trump], ''Information Clearing House'', October 28, 2016 *The coming war on [[China]] is likely to happen by mistake or accident as a result of deliberate provocations by the US and its echoes. Under cover of the pandemic, the Trump regime is sending strategic bombers and spy drones within sight of China itself. Our silence is our peril. **[[John Pilger]], [https://twitter.com/johnpilger/status/1273141084500250625 Twitter] (17 June 2020) *Trump is an unbalanced force. He is the politicized American id. Should his election results match his polls, he would be, unquestionably, the worst thing to happen to the American common culture in my lifetime. ** {{w|John Podhoretz}}, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination "Conservatives Against Trump"] (21 January 2016), ''{{w|National Review}}''. *Donald Trump was so awful, so horrible, so disgusting... His lies, his distortions, his deceits, and his libels thicker and fouler than they've yet been... Since he began running he has demonstrated he knows things we don't know about the emotions roiling in the American underbelly. Maybe he knows this too... He interrupts, he yells over them, he insults them, he goes over his allotted time, and the whirlwind he creates turns into a vacuum that sucks all the air out of the place and right into his attention-whore lungs. ** {{w|John Podhoretz}}, [http://nypost.com/2016/02/13/trump-was-out-of-control-in-south-carolina-debate/ "Trump was out of control in South Carolina debate"] (13 February 2016), ''{{w|New York Post}}''. * There is no comparison between the stance of Vietnam’s [[w:Nguyen Xuan Phuc|Prime Minister Nguyen Xuan Phuc]] and U.S. President [[Donald Trump]]: the former had a sober, [[science]]-based attitude, while the latter has consistently laughed off the coronavirus as a simple flu as recently as June 24. ** [[Vijay Prashad]] in [https://consortiumnews.com/2020/07/16/covid-19-why-laos-vietnam-china-have-beaten-the-virus-and-india-brazil-and-the-us-have-not/ COVID-19: Why Laos, Vietnam & China Have Beaten the Virus and India, Brazil and the US Have Not, ''Consortium News''] (16 July 2020) * It’s not surprising that a criminal like Trump pardons other criminals. But apparently to get a pardon, one has to be either a Republican, a convicted child murderer or a turkey. ** Senior US District Judge Robert Pratt of the Southern District of Iowa, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-12-30 |title='A criminal like Trump': Federal judge ridicules President's pardons | author= Ryan J. Foley | periodical=The Sydney Morning Herald | url=https://www.smh.com.au/world/north-america/a-criminal-like-trump-federal-judge-in-iowa-ridicules-trump-s-pardons-20201230-p56qrs.html}} * Donald Trump and his top [[Republican Party (United States)|Republican]] allies in [[w:115th United States Congress|Congress]] are fighting a war, and the battle lines have begun to clarify themselves. Their war is not being waged against [[COVID-19]], the [[COVID-19 pandemic|pandemic]] that has [[COVID-19 pandemic deaths|killed]] tens of thousands [[COVID-19 pandemic in the United States|in this nation]] alone. Their war is being waged against the nation itself, and specifically against areas of the nation that are heavy on [[w:Demographics of the United States|population]] but light on Trump supporters. In other words, the big-city [[w:Red states and blue states|blue states]], whose [[w:Governor (United States)|governors]] have refused to fawn over Trump's gibberish-flecked "leadership" during this crisis. ** [[William Rivers Pitt]], ''[https://truthout.org/articles/trump-and-mcconnell-arent-waging-war-on-covid-theyre-waging-war-on-us/ Trump and McConnell Aren’t Waging War on COVID. They’re Waging War on Us.]'' (April 28, 2020), ''{{w|Truthout}}'' * Trump has been treating the delivery of [[w:U.S. federal government response to the COVID-19 pandemic#Speculative proposals|federal aid]] to the states like his own personal {{w|spoils system}}: rewarding loyalty, punishing critics, and demanding to be praised for doing his job whenever he actually does it, but especially when he doesn't. ** [[William Rivers Pitt]], ''[https://truthout.org/articles/trump-and-mcconnell-arent-waging-war-on-covid-theyre-waging-war-on-us/ Trump and McConnell Aren’t Waging War on COVID. They’re Waging War on Us.]'' (April 28, 2020), ''{{w|Truthout}}'' * If you don’t pay your bills, your bank account stays full. It’s a trick Trump learned a long time ago. ** [[William Rivers Pitt]], ''[https://truthout.org/articles/trump-and-mcconnell-arent-waging-war-on-covid-theyre-waging-war-on-us/ Trump and McConnell Aren’t Waging War on COVID. They’re Waging War on Us.]'' (April 28, 2020), ''{{w|Truthout}}'' * Trump and McConnell know these states are reopening too soon, but they don’t care, because they need to make the money happy. [...] The utter cruelty of these tactics, the nihilistic self-destruction of it in the face of more than 55,000 dead and thousands more to follow, has scarce precedent in the annals of [[U.S. politics]]. Instead of helping the entire country in this time of grievous crisis, Trump and McConnell are putting their boots to the neck of every state they deem ideologically unfit. It will be a damn miracle if the nation survives this, and them. ** [[William Rivers Pitt]], ''[https://truthout.org/articles/trump-and-mcconnell-arent-waging-war-on-covid-theyre-waging-war-on-us/ Trump and McConnell Aren’t Waging War on COVID. They’re Waging War on Us.]'' (April 28, 2020), ''{{w|Truthout}}'' * Mr. Trump, I know you take your business seriously, and I take mine seriously. I hereby hold you in [[civil contempt]] ** Presiding judge [https://www.cbc.ca/news/world/ny-trump-organization-contempt-1.6430134 Donald Trump found in contempt of court in New York civil case] (Apr 25, 2022) *People imnitate Autistic hand flapping when they want to imply a disabled person is stupid, annoying, or out of control. Donald Trump famously did a cruel imitation of hand flapping during his 2016 campaign, while criticizing a physically disabled reporter. **[[Devon Price]] ''Unmasking [[Autism]]: Discovering the New Faces of Neurodiversity'' (2022) [[File:Vladimir Putin (2020-02-20).jpg|thumb|He's a really brilliant and talented person, without any doubt. It's not our job to judge his qualities, that's a job for American voters, but he's the absolute leader in the presidential race. ~ [[Vladimir Putin]]]] * '''He's a really brilliant and talented person, without any doubt. It's not our job to judge his qualities, that's a job for American voters, but he's the absolute leader in the presidential race.''' ** [[Vladimir Putin]], as quoted in [http://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/news/263555-putin-praises-trump-hes-a-really-brilliant-and-talented-person "Putin praises Trump: 'He's a really brilliant and talented person'"] by Neetzan Zimmerman, ''The Hill'' (17 December 2015) === R === * Donald Trump lost the election fair and square. ** [[w:Brad Raffensperger|Brad Raffensperger]], Republican and top voting official in Georgia, quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2021/sep/25/trump-rally-perry-georgia-republican-raffensperger-herschel-walker "‘He knows he lost’: Georgia Republican braces for Trump rally in Perry"], the Guardian, 25 sept 2021 * There are [[w:Hydroxychloroquine#Side effects|side effects]] to [[hydroxychloroquine]]. It causes psychiatric symptoms, cardiac problems and a host of other bad side effects. [...] There may be a role for it for some people, but to tell Americans ‘you don’t have anything to lose,’ that’s not true. People certainly have something to lose by taking it indiscriminately. ** [[Megan Ranney]], in response to Trump's statement on using the drug as treatment for [[coronavirus disease 2019]] (COVID-19. Quoted in ''[https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/05/us/politics/trump-hydroxychloroquine-coronavirus.html Ignoring Expert Opinion, Trump Again Promotes Use of Hydroxychloroquine]'' (April 5, 2020) by [[Michael Crowley (journalist)|Michael Crowley]], Katie Thomas and [[Maggie Haberman]], ''{{w|The New York Times}}''. *Your reminder that America's richest 1 percent now own half the value of the U.S. stock market. The richest 10 percent own 92 percent. So when Trump says the stock market is the economy, know who he's really talking about. **[[Robert Reich]], [https://twitter.com/RBReich/status/1279924108411596802 Twitter,] (5 Jul 2020) *As the pandemic surges back, Trump and his lackeys have: :—Tried to dismantle the Affordable Care Act :—Rallied to pass a $740,000,000,000 defense spending bill :—Declined extending additional unemployment benefits to out-of-work Americans :Their priorities are crystal clear. :*[[Robert Reich]], [https://twitter.com/RBReich/status/1279957396115390466 Twitter,] (5 Jul 2020) * You may not agree with his authenticity but he's authentic. People like that. He speaks his mind, which reminds me of me once in a while. I think that's something that's refreshing. ** [[Harry Reid]], as quoted in [http://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/news/269202-reid-praises-trump-for-being-authentic "Reid praises Trump for being 'authentic'"] by Rebecca Savransky, ''The Hill'' (11 February 2016) *He presents himself as a Strong Man who promises to knock heads and make things right again. In this, he has a lot more in common with South American populist demagogues than with our tradition of political leaders... The middle-class consensus in America has collapsed. This is the most important political and social earthquake since [[World War II]]. The conservative movement's leadership isn't up to the challenge, and a good number of voters are willing to gamble on Trump's bluster. Bad bet. Our nation's solidarity is being tested. It will only make things worse if we go Trumpster diving. **R.R. Reno, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination "Conservatives Against Trump"] (21 January 2016), ''National Review''. * For anyone to compare their 'sacrifice' to a [[w:Service flag|Gold Star]] family member is insulting, foolish and ignorant. Especially someone who has never served himself and has no children serving, our county has been at war for a decade and a half and the truth is most Americans have sacrificed nothing. Most of them are smart and grounded enough to admit it. ** [[w:Paul Rieckoff|Paul Rieckoff]], in response to Trump's comparison of his sacrifices with those of someone like [[Khizr M. Khan]] — ''[http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/donald-trump-father-fallen-soldier-ive-made-lot/story?id=41015051 Donald Trump to Father of Fallen Soldier: 'I've Made a Lot of Sacrifices']'', ''{{w|ABC News}}'' (July 30, 2016) * The most mentally ill human being in America right now seems to be the president. ** Rihanna, pop singer, quoted in [https://www.vanityfair.com/style/2023/02/donald-trump-rihanna-super-bowl-halftime-performance-epic-fail-truth-social "Donald Trump Calls Rihanna's Super Bowl Halftime Performance an 'Epic Fail'"], Vanity Fiar, 13 February 2023 * He is a successful man for a reason. He's actually created a dialogue [and] forced conversations. He has gotten more people engaged in the political process and current events and what's going on in the world than anyone else has for a long time. More people are engaged than ever before. I think whether you agree with Donald or you don't agree with Donald, he starts conversations. That's what democracy is — you've got to get people engaged to make this country run. ** {{w|Melissa Rivers}}, as quoted in [http://thehill.com/blogs/in-the-know/in-the-know/262626-melissa-rivers-trump-is-a-successful-man-for-a-reason "Melissa Rivers: Trump is ‘a successful man for a reason'"] by Mark Hensch, ''The Hill'' (9 December 2015) * With all his talent, and the ability to raise money and draw large crowds, the President still lives in an alternate reality. He really does. People say, 'Well he lies about this, that and the other.' But he isn't lying. To him, that's the truth. ** Pat Robertson, televangelist, as quoted in [https://edition.cnn.com/2020/12/22/politics/pat-robertson-trump-2020-election/index.html "Televangelist Pat Robertson says Trump lives in an 'alternate reality' and should move on from election loss"] by Veronica Stracqualursi and Jason Hoffman, ''CNN'' (22 December 2020) *If Donald Trump's plans were ever implemented, the country would sink into prolonged recession.<br>A few examples: His proposed 35 percent tariff-like penalties would instigate a trade war and that would raise prices for consumers, kill export jobs, and lead entrepreneurs and businesses to flee America…. So even though Donald Trump has offered very few specific economic plans, what little he has said is enough to know that he would be very bad for American workers and American families.<br>But wait, you say, isn't he a huge business success? Doesn't he know what he's talking about? No he isn't. And no he doesn’t….<br>Now not every policy that Donald Trump has floated is bad. He wants to repeal and replace Obamacare. He wants to bring jobs home from China and Japan. But his prescriptions to do those things are flimsy at best.<br>…Successfully bringing jobs home requires serious policy and reforms that make America the place businesses want to come, want to plant and want to grow. You can't punish business into doing what you want. **[[Mitt Romney]], from the transcript [https://www.voanews.com/a/text-of-speech-mitt-romney-slams-republican-front-runner-donald-trump/3218186.html Text of Speech: Mitt Romney Slams Republican Front-runner Donald Trump] ''VOA'', 3 March 2016[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eXbZq5tFhlc] * He has by far the largest voice and a big impact in my party. I don't know if he's planning to run in 2024 or not, but if he does, I'm pretty sure he would win the nomination. ** [[Mitt Romney]], as quoted in [https://edition.cnn.com/2021/02/24/politics/mitt-romney-donald-trump-gop-2024/index.html "What Mitt Romney gets *exactly* right about Donald Trump"], Chris Cillizza, CNN, 25 February 2021 * Dishonesty is Trump's hallmark: He claimed that he had spoken clearly and boldly against going into Iraq. Wrong, he spoke in favor of invading Iraq. He said he saw thousands of Muslims in New Jersey celebrating [[9/11]]. Wrong, he saw no such thing. He imagined it. His is not the temperament of a stable, thoughtful leader. His imagination must not be married to real power.<br>We have long referred to him as "The Donald." He is the only person in America to whom we have added an article before his name. It wasn't because he had attributes we admired. ** [[Mitt Romney]], remarks on Donald Trump and the 2016 race at the {{w|University of Utah}}. [http://www.politico.com/story/2016/03/full-transcript-mitt-romneys-remarks-on-donald-trump-and-the-2016-race-220176] (March 3, 2016) *It's impossible to ignore the conspicuous regularity with which Donald Trump issues intentionally provocative, news-cycle-dominating comments. It's equally difficult to look past their timing, which tends to often coincide with scandalous revelations that reflect poorly on Democratic politicians... This is far from an isolated event; it's a pattern. First, a Democrat becomes embroiled in a controversy or an external event reflects negatively on the party. Donald Trump then makes an outrageous comment calculated for maximum political impact. Like clockwork, the press abandons their critical examination of Democratic policies, and Republicans are back at each other's throats. This is a measurable phenomenon. In just the last six months, there are almost too many examples to count. **Noah Rothman, [https://www.commentarymagazine.com/politics-ideas/campaigns-elections/many-times-donald-trump-rescued-democrats/ "The Many Times Trump Rescued Dems"] (8 December 2015), ''Commentary'' * Mr. Trump lacks the focus or self-discipline to do the basic work required of a president. His chronic impulsiveness is apparently unstoppable and clearly self-defeating. ** [[Karl Rove]], Republican strategist, [https://www.wsj.com/articles/political-death-by-1-000-tweets-1496875182 Political Death by 1,000 Tweets], in the {{W|Wall Street Journal}}, June 7, 2017 * Donald Trump, champion and avatar of the shallow state, has won power because his supporters are threatened by what they don't understand, and what they don't understand is almost everything. Indeed, from evolution to data about our economy to the science of vaccines to the threats we face in the world, they reject vast subjects rooted in fact in order to have reality conform to their worldviews. They don't dig for truth; they skim the media for anything that makes them feel better about themselves. To many of them, knowledge is not a useful tool but a cunning barrier elites have created to keep power from the average man and woman. The same is true for experience, skills, and know-how. These things require time and work and study and often challenge our systems of belief. Truth is hard; shallowness is easy. ** [[w:David Rothkopf|David Rothkopf]], [http://foreignpolicy.com/2017/02/22/the-shallow-state-trump/ "The Shallow State,"] Foreign Policy, February 22, 2017. * I think it's time for a war president. Republicans, conservatives and [[Christianity|Christians]], and capitalist, any who love [[capitalism]], any who loves America, patriots, I think we need a war president and I think God sent us someone named Donald Trump, I think he's perfect for this election. We needed someone who is a bit coarse and foul-mouthed and vicious and fights with a gun in a gunfight, not with a knife in a gun fight. ** {{w|Wayne Allyn Root}} [https://soundcloud.com/rightwingwatch/wayne-allyn-root-donald-trump-is-a-vicious-vengeful-foul-mouthed-war-president-sent-by-god] (August 8, 2016) * Voldemort was nowhere near as bad. ** [[J. K. Rowling]], [https://twitter.com/jk_rowling/status/674196610683940864 ''Twitter'' post] (December 8, 2015), as cited in [https://www.theguardian.com/books/2015/dec/08/jk-rowling-on-donald-trump-voldemort-was-nowhere-as-bad "JK Rowling on Donald Trump: 'Voldemort was nowhere as bad'"], ''The Guardian'' (December 8, 2015) *Trump made no comment on the horror swirling around him. Instead he conferred on [[Narendra Modi]], the most divisive, hateful political figure in modern India, the title "Father of the Nation." Until recently, this was [[Gandhi]]'s title. I am no fan of Gandhi, but surely, even he did not deserve this. **[[Arundhati Roy]], about Trump's visit to [[India]] during the [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2020_Delhi_riots 2020 Delhi Riots]. Introduction to ''Azadi: Freedom, Fascism, Fiction'' (2020) === S === [[File:Bernie Sanders.jpg|thumb|Donald Trump...his entire political strategy is to divide the American people...So you have a president who gives tax breaks to billionaires...who tried to throw 32 million people off health care...who gave 83 percent of the tax benefits to the top one percent...So how do you win an election? What do you say — You see those undocumented people, they all your enemy. 'Stand with me. Hate them. Let's divide this country up.' ~ [[Bernie Sanders]] ]] [[File:Ahmed al-Sharaa in July 2025.jpg|thumb|I see him as a man of peace. We’ve both been shot at by the same enemy. Trump understands leverage, strength, and outcomes. ~ [[Ahmed al-Sharaa]]]] *What '''[Donald Trump]''' is doing and this is '''his entire political strategy is to divide the American people''' up based on where we came...'''So you have a president who gives tax breaks to [[Billionaire|billionaires]]''' and wants to cut Medicare, Medicaid and Social Security. That's not what he's going to run on. You've got a president '''who tried to throw 32 million people off health care'''. He ain't gonna run on that one. You got a president '''who gave 83 percent of the tax benefits to the top one percent''', not going to run on that one. '''So how do you win an election? What do you say — You see those undocumented people, they all your enemy. 'Stand with me. Hate them. Let's divide this country up.'''' I think that is an incredibly ugly and dangerous thing to be done. And I will do everything I can to stop that." **[https://www.newsweek.com/stand-me-hate-them-bernie-sanders-says-trumps-reelection-plan-based-dividing-country-1445407 ''Stand With Me. Hate Them: Bernie Sanders says Trump's Relection Plan is Based on Dividing the Country, Newsweek,'' Chris Morran] (23 June 2019) *Attacks on oil tankers in the Gulf of Oman are unacceptable and must be fully investigated... but this incident must not be used as a pretext for a war with Iran, a war which would be an unmitigated disaster for the United States, Iran, the region, and the world... The time is now for the United States to exert international leadership,... and bring the countries in the region together to forge a diplomatic solution to the growing tensions...I would also remind President Trump that there is no congressional authorization for a war with Iran... A unilateral U.S. attack on Iran would be illegal and unconstitutional. ** [[Bernie Sanders]], [https://www.commondreams.org/news/2019/06/14/trump-must-not-be-allowed-use-gulf-oman-incidents-pretext-illegal-war-iran-bernie ''Trump Must Not Be Allowed to Use Gulf of Oman Incidents as 'Pretext for Illegal War With Iran': Bernie Sanders, Common Dreams'', Andrea Germanos,] (14 June 2019) * I think that the American people are never going to elect a president who insults [[Mexicans]], who insults [[Muslims]], who insults women, who insults [[African-American]]s. And let us not forget that several years ago, Trump was in the middle of the so- called [[w:Barack Obama citizenship conspiracy theories|birther movement]], trying to delegitimize the president of the United States of America. You know, I find it very interesting, Karen, my dad was born in [[Poland]]. I know a little bit about the immigrant experience. Nobody has ever asked me for my birth certificate. Maybe it has something to do with the [[color]] of my skin.<br>In this country, [[immigration]] reform is a very hot [[debate]]. It's divided the country. But I would [[hope]] very much, that as we have that debate, we do not, as Donald Trump and others have done, resort to [[racism]] and [[xenophobia]] and [[bigotry]]. '''This idea of suddenly, one day or maybe a night, rounding up 11 million people and taking them outside of this country is a vulgar, absurd idea that I would hope very few people in America support.'''<br>When you have Republican candidates for president and in Congress telling you that climate change is a hoax, which is Donald Trump and other candidates' position, what they are really saying is, we don't have the guts to take on the fossil fuel industry. ... You know what happens to that Republican who listens to the scientists? On that day, that Republican loses his campaign funding from the [[w:Koch family|Koch brothers]] and the fossil fuel industry. ** [[Bernie Sanders]], Democratic Presidential Debate in Miami. [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/03/10/us/politics/transcript-democratic-presidential-debate.html?_r=0 transcript] by ''{{w|The New York Times}}'' (March 9, 2016) * Donald Trump is a pathological liar. ** [[Bernie Sanders]], [https://twitter.com/BernieSanders/status/779795585641615360] (September 24, 2016) *America you were never great./Are you fake news?/America this is the impression I get after feeding from Trump's/Twitter trough. **[[Craig Santos Perez]] "This Changes Everything" in ''habitat threshold'' (2020) * Yes, we must donate and volunteer and protest and vote, all while reminding ourselves daily that [[Hillary Clinton]] won the popular vote. And we must commit to defending our friends, neighbors, and coworkers who are immigrants (documented or not), Muslims (American born, immigrants, or refugees), people of color, women seeking reproductive health care, trans men and women seeking safety, lesbian and gay men seeking to protect their families, and everyone and everything else Trump has threatened to harm, up to and including the planet we all live on. : But we must make time for [[joy]] and [[pleasure]] and [[laughter]] and [[friends]] and [[food]] and [[art]] and [[music]] and [[sex]]. During the darkest days of the [[HIV/AIDS]] epidemic, when Republicans and religious conservatives controlled the federal government and were doing everything in their power to harm the sick and dying, [[queer]]s organized and protested and volunteered and mourned. We also made music and theater and art. We took care of each other, and we danced and loved and fucked. Embracing joy and art and sex in the face of fear and uncertainty made us feel better—it kept us sane—and it had the added benefit of driving our enemies crazy. They couldn't understand how we could be anything but miserable, given the challenges we faced—their greed, their indifference, their bigotry—but we created and experienced joy despite their hatred and despite this awful disease. We turned to each other—we turned to our lovers and friends and sometimes strangers—and said, "Fuck them. Now fuck me." : [...] We may never eradicate racism and sexism and hatred. But fight it we will. And don't listen to anyone who tells you that music and dance and art and sex and joy are a distraction from the fight. They are a part of the fight. :* [[Dan Savage]], [http://www.thestranger.com/savage-love/2016/11/15/24691092/savage-love ''Mourning in America''], ''Savage Love'' column, ''The Stranger'', 15 November 2016 * [[Winston Churchill]] of our time. ** [[Michael Savage]] — {{citation | date = 2015-07-29 | title = Savage: Trump is 'Winston Churchill of our time' | newspaper = WND | url = http://www.wnd.com/2015/07/savage-trump-is-winston-churchill-of-our-time/ }} * I found that when I was briefing him, I had to put pictures of him in the briefing. When I put the pictures in, it was a good sign, and when I didn’t put the pictures in, you couldn’t get him to focus on it. * Here’s the bad news, though. Even if you got him to focus on it, he wouldn’t listen to you anyway because he’s so maniacally narcissistic. ** [[Anthony Scaramucci]], former White House Communications Director serving under Trump, as quoted by David Smith, {{citation | date = 2020-07-17 | title = 'The guy stinks and he’s a racist': Anthony Scaramucci on Donald Trump | newspaper = the Guardian | url = https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2020/jul/17/the-guy-stinks-and-hes-a-racist-anthony-scaramucci-on-donald-trump }} * No two people on this planet seem less concerned with criticism, more content with themselves, or more oblivious to the obscenity of the words they speak. ** Dave Schilling on Donald Trump and [[Sarah Palin]], [http://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2016/jan/20/sarah-palin-donald-trump-endorsement-speech-quotes "Apocalypse now: Sarah Palin's bizarre Trump endorsement analyzed"] (20 January 2016), ''The Guardian''. * He does look like he's the last hope [for America]. We don't hear anybody saying what he's saying. In fact, most of the people who ought to be lining up with him are attacking him. They're probably jealous of the amount of press coverage he gets. But the reason he gets so much press coverage is the grassroots are fed up with people who are running things, and they do want a change. They do want people to stand up for America. It really resonates when he says he wants to 'Make America Great Again.' ** [[Phyllis Schlafly]], as quoted in [http://www.wnd.com/2015/12/top-conservative-trump-is-last-hope-for-america/ "Phyllis Schlafly: Trump is 'last hope for America'"], ''WND'' (21 December 2015) * It [Trump University] was a classic bait-and-switch scheme ** State Attorney General [[w:Eric Schneiderman|Eric Schneiderman]] in [https://money.cnn.com/2016/03/08/news/trump-university-controversy-donald-trump/ Trump University controversy ... in 2 minutes] March 8, 2016 *If Donald Trump becomes the next [[President of the United States|president]] of [[United States|the U.S.]] it would be a complete disaster... I think he is acting like another Hitler by inciting racism... I remember how upset the world was when the Berlin Wall was erected in 1961 and now everybody is building walls again to keep people out. It's absurd. **Eva Schloss, Anne Frank's step-sister, [http://www.cnn.com/2016/01/27/politics/anne-frank-donald-trump-adolf-hitler/ interview with ''Newsweek''] (January 2016) *When that trial ends senators will have to decide if they believe Donald John Trump incited the erection **[[Chuck Schumer]] on [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9n4_3u1DQjc 22 January 2021] (also quoted by [https://www.thewrap.com/chuck-schumer-erection-freudian-slip-majority-leader The Wrap]) *I put lipstick on a pig. I feel a deep sense of remorse that I contributed to presenting Trump in a way that brought him wider attention and made him more appealing than he is. I genuinely believe that if Trump wins and gets the [[w:Gold Codes|nuclear codes]], there is an excellent [[possibility]] it will lead to the [[w:Global catastrophic risk|end of civilization]]. **[[Tony Schwartz (author)|Tony Schwartz]], as quoted in ''[https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2016/07/25/donald-trumps-ghostwriter-tells-all Donald Trump's Ghostwriter Tells All]'' (July 25, 2016) by {{w|Jane Mayer}}, ''{{w|The New Yorker}}''. * There are two Trumps. The one he presents to the [[world]] is all bluster, {{w|bullying}} and certainty. The other, which I have long felt haunts his inner world, is the [[frightened]] [[child]] of a relentlessly critical and bullying [[w:Fred Trump|father]] and a distant and disengaged [[w:Mary Anne MacLeod Trump|mother]] who couldn't or wouldn't protect him.<br>Trump's [[temperament]] and his habits have hardened with age. He was always cartoonish, but compared with the man for whom I wrote [[w:Trump: The Art of the Deal|The Art of the Deal]] 30 years ago, he is significantly [[angrier]] today: more reactive, deceitful, distracted, vindictive, impulsive and, above all, self-absorbed – assuming the last is possible.<br>Fear is the [[hidden]] through-line in Trump's [[life]] – fear of [[weakness]], of inadequacy, of [[failure]], of [[criticism]] and of insignificance. He has spent his life trying to outrun these fears by "[[winning]]" – as he puts it – and by redefining [[reality]] whenever the facts don't serve the narrative he seeks to create. It hasn't worked, but not for lack of effort.<br>Whatever happens, may the worst of Trump [[inspire]] the best in us. ** [[Tony Schwartz (author)]], ''[https://www.theguardian.com/global/commentisfree/2018/jan/18/fear-donald-trump-us-president-art-of-the-deal I wrote The Art of the Deal with Trump. He's still a scared child]'' (18 January 2018), ''{{w|The Guardian}}''. * Lying is second nature to him. More than anyone else I have ever met, Trump has the ability to convince himself that whatever he is saying at any given moment is true, or sort of true, or at least ought to be true. ** [[Tony Schwartz (author)]], ''[https://www.thejournal.ie/trump-ghostwriter-regrets-art-of-the-deal-2884723-Jul2016/ 'Lying is second nature to him': Trump's ghostwriter regrets penning Art of the Deal]'' (19 July 2016), ''{{w|TheJournal.ie}}''. * President Trump sought to overturn the results of an election, of a fair election. He sought a coup by misleading people with lies. * President Trump is a failed leader. He will go down in history as the worst President ever. ** Arnold Schwarzenegger, former Republican governor, quoted by {{citation | date = 2021-01-11 | title = Arnold Schwarzenegger calls Trump 'worst president' ever, 'failed leader' after Capitol riot | newspaper = abc7 | url = https://abc7.com/politics/arnold-schwarzenegger-calls-trump-worst-president-ever/9533922/ }}{{dead link}} * He is neither a strategist, nor is he schooled in the operational art, nor is he a tactician, nor is he a general, nor is he a soldier. Other than that, he's a great military man. ** [[Norman Schwarzkopf, Jr.]], in ''The New York Times'', February 28, 2017. * Trump wants to institute a ban that will keep all Muslims out of America... Of course such a ban will not come to pass. The Constitution forbids it. Republicans and Democrats oppose it. Even Israeli politicians, who have a far longer history of confronting terrorism, have chided him for equating Islam with terrorism... Republicans support Trump because he appears to be authentic, isn't afraid to tell it like it is and is not worried about being politically correct. I see the opposite. He isn't authentic, he is cynically opportunistic. ** Khosrow Semnani, [http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865643874/Trump7s-fear-mongering-threatens-Republican-Party.html?pg=all "My view: Trump's Fear-Mongering Threatens Republican Party"] (17 December 2015), ''Deseret News'' * Their cruelty made them feel good, it made them feel proud, it made them feel happy. And it made them feel closer to one another…Their shared laughter at the suffering of others is an adhesive that binds them to one another, and to Trump.<br>Donald Trump, whose uncritical support for Israel and belief that America is fundamentally a nation for white Christians exacerbates a divide between the two largest Jewish populations in the world. ** [[Adam Serwer]], The Cruelty Is the Point: The Past, Present, and Future of Trump's America (2021) *Trump and Barr let the biggest drug dealers in America off with a slap on the wrist. Law and Order indeed. **[[Adam Serwer]] 11/18/2020 on Twitter, responding to story about "the $8.3 billion settlement between the Justice Dept. and Purdue Pharma over its marketing of Oxycontin and other addictive opioids. Under the deal, the Sackler family will admit no wrongdoing and face no criminal charges." *And [then] you end up in idiocies like Donald Trump on stage waiving around a [[The Bible|Bible]], pretending he gives a damn what's in it. Right, after two marriages, and several adulterous affairs, and all that and bragging about having his experiences with married women; standing up there with a Bible and going 'this is an even better book than the odd of the deals'." ** {{w|Ben Shapiro}}, ''[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1rQ_mphb7HU Ben Shapiro on Gay Marriage, Gun Control, and Piers Morgan]'', The Rubin Report on ''{{w|YouTube}}''. (12:39 to 13:07) (February 18, 2016) * We know Hillary will be a terrible, hard-core ideological leftist; there is probably a 75 percent chance that Trump would govern less badly than Hillary. There is also a 25 percent chance that Trump would do something so catastrophically awful that he seriously harmed the country in ways Hillary wouldn't dream of. His trade policy alone could cast America back into recession; his foreign policy is a shambles. Any talk of him listening to advisers must be based on conjecture — so far, Trump hasn't just been a bull in a china shop, he's been a tank in a glass factory. ** {{w|Ben Shapiro}}, ''[http://www.nationalreview.com/article/438623/conservatisms-moral-crisis-defending-trumps-lies Conservatism's Sad and Ugly Transformation into Trumpism]'', ''{{w|National Review}}'' (August 3, 2016) *We have predicted nine of his last eight stumbles, and they have yet to all materialize... I think it's more than childish and juvenile and adolescent. There is something creepy about this, his attitude toward women. Take [[Megyn Kelly]] of FOX News, who he just has an absolute obsession about, and he's constantly writing about, you know, how awful she is and no talent and this and that. It's an obsession. And I don't know if he's just never had women — strong, independent women in his life who have spoken to him. It doesn't seem that way. His daughter... But there is something really creepy about this that's beyond locker room. It's almost like a stalker, and I just — I thought this was — it actually did the impossible. It made Ted Cruz look like an honorable, tough guy on the right side of an issue. ** Mark Shields, as quoted in [http://www.pbs.org/newshour/bb/shields-and-brooks-on-trump-cruz-wife-feud-isis-terror-in-brussels/ "Shields and Brooks on Trump-Cruz wife feud, ISIS terror in Brussels"] (25 March 2016), ''PBS NewsHour'' *The 2017 World Environment Day was dominated by US President Donald Trump walking out of the Paris agreement. What does Trump's arrogance imply for international obligations to protect the earth, for a future based on ecological justice, for sowing the seeds of earth democracy? **[[Vandana Shiva]] ''Oneness vs. the 1%: Shattering Illusions, Seeding Freedom'' (2018) * I've known Donald for a few decades, and what you can say without argument is that he's a good father. His kids have turned out really well. There's nothing bad you can say about that. ** [[Gene Simmons]], [http://radio.com/2016/07/06/gene-simmons-on-trump-hes-a-good-father/ Interview with ''Radio.com''] (July 6, 2016) * [Trump] is not someone who would rule justly or wisely. His track record shows that he is a man of coveting and self-serving – a liar and a cheat should not hold that position. ** Art Sisneros, Republican member of the Electoral College who resigned rather than vote for Trump.[https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2016/nov/30/faithless-electors-electoral-college-donald-trump Teen becomes seventh 'faithless elector' to protest Trump as president-elect] at ''{{w|the Guardian}}'', November 30 2016 * Quite simply: there never would have been a president Donald Trump without talkshow host [[Rush Limbaugh]] paving the way ** [[Michael Smerconish]] on [[CNN]] "[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DxF_SN2-zyc]" (February 20, 2021) *Before the 2016 election I dreaded a return to the Jim Crow era signaled by the slogan “Make America Great Again”, which obviously meant white. Tragically that is exactly what happened. Four more years is unthinkable. That is why I am working to elect President [[Bernie Sanders]]. **[[Barbara Smith]] [https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2020/feb/10/identity-politics-bernie-sanders-endorsement article] in ''The Guardian'' * For the first time in our Nation’s [[history]], a grand jury has charged a former President with committing [[crimes]] while in office to overturn an election that he lost. In response, the defendant claims that to protect the institution of the Presidency, he must be cloaked with absolute immunity from criminal prosecution unless the House impeached and the Senate convicted him for the same conduct. He is wrong. ** [[Jack Smith]], filing with United States Court of Appeals quoted in [https://www.rawstory.com/jack-smith-trump-immunity-appeal-filing/ ''RawStory''] December 30, 2023 * A great leader treats people with respect even when they present different opinions. Without a variety of views and opinions, we would have no innovation or creativity in our nation. Being a bully and being strong are not the same thing. Being strong is standing up for your convictions. Being a bully is trying to intimidate those who are perceived to be weaker or a threat. As a proud nerd, I had to deal with bullies over many years; it is tragedy watching our world suffer from one. In addition, President Trump lacks a moral compass. He ignores the truth. ** [[w:Rick Snyder|Rick Snyder]], Republican governor of Michigan from 2011 to 2018. [https://eu.usatoday.com/story/opinion/2020/09/03/rick-snyder-why-im-voting-joe-biden-even-republican-column/5696508002/ Former Michigan governor Rick Snyder: I am a Republican vote for Biden] at USA Today, September 3 2020 *It's very difficult to respond in a serious way to any statement that's made by Donald Trump. ** [[Edward Snowden]] in response to Trump calling Snowden "a total traitor" and "a bad guy" and saying "there is still a thing called execution." **"[http://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2015/sep/03/edward-snowden-hillary-clinton-email-server Edward Snowden says Hillary Clinton 'ridiculous' to think emails were secure]", ''The Guardian'' (3 September 2015) * Donald Trump is a thin-skinned reality TV star with an authoritarian streak. ** Robby Soave, [http://www.edition.cnn.com/2016/06/01/opinions/third-party-candidate-options-robby-soave/index.html "Don't fall for 'lesser of two evils' argument"] (1 June 2016), ''CNN'', State of Georgia: Cable News Network * He is, as of this writing, the most mocked man in the world. (...) He is the {{W|The Fisherman and His Wife|old fisherman's wife who wished for everything and sooner or later he will end up with nothing}}. **{{w|Rebecca Solnit}}, [http://lithub.com/rebecca-solnit-the-loneliness-of-donald-trump/ The Loneliness of Donald Trump], May 30, 2017 * Let me put this in language Donald Trump understands... You're a loser. You're a third-rate politician, who clearly doesn't understand issues, and is so scared of Megyn Kelly exposing it, that you're looking to use veterans to protect you from facing her questions. ** Jon Soltz, [https://www.yahoo.com/politics/veterans-to-trump-were-not-your-megyn-kelly-170202551.html ''VoteVets''] (January 2016) *Trump (and Bannon and other right-wing authoritarian leaders around the world) is often referred to as a "populist" because he displays faux concern for the working class and a resentment of science and education, but his policies are in fact grotesquely elitist. If by "populist" we mean whipping up resentment against immigrants and people of color, then we should say that. Otherwise, "populism" is just a lazy euphemism for racism. **[[Jen Sorensen]] ''Greetings from the Wasteland'' (2020) * Donald Trump is the son of a rich father, who was raised on money since he was a child. I grew up in wealth too. My father would jokingly warn me when I was a child, "Don’t be like Trump." ** {{w|Alexander Soros}}, interviewed by Nahum Barnea for {{w|YNet}}, [https://www.ynetnews.com/articles/0,7340,L-5241290,00.html "Why they hate George Soros"]. * Today’s decision to grant former Presidents criminal immunity reshapes the institution of the Presidency. It makes a mockery of the principle, foundational to our Constitution and system of Government, that no man is above the law. Relying on little more than its own misguided wisdom about the need for “bold and unhesitating action” by the President, ante, at 3, 13, the Court gives former President Trump all the immunity he asked for and more. Because our Constitution does not shield a former President from answering for criminal and treasonous acts, I dissent. ** [[Justice Sotomayor]] in Trump v. United States (July 2024) *In a country with more than 300 million people, it is remarkable how obsessed the media have become with just one—Donald Trump. What is even more remarkable is that, after seven years of repeated disasters, both domestically and internationally, under a glib egomaniac in the White House, so many potential voters are turning to another glib egomaniac to be his successor. **[[Thomas Sowell]], [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination "Conservatives Against Trump"] (21 January 2016), ''National Review''. * I had some friends over for dinner and we were of course talking about Trump. People are saying, we don't think Trump's going to be the nominee. I said, I'll tell you what: I think he is. I'll tell you why I think he's going to be the nominee: he's proven that no matter what he says, people dig him. ... I think more or less, people are super tired of politicians, meaning that they like the idea of a successful businessman running the country who might actually be able to get shit done. ** [[Howard Stern]] — as quoted in {{citation | date = 2015-08-24 | author = Matt Wilstein | title = Howard Stern Predicts Trump Will Be GOP Nominee: He 'Gets Sh*t Done' | newspaper = Mediaite.com | url = http://www.mediaite.com/online/howard-stern-predicts-trump-will-be-gop-nominee-he-gets-sht-done/ }} *His stance on Muslim immigration, which he would cease until the terror threat is brought under control, is racist. Trump does not care about the things that regular conservatives have dedicated their lives to fighting for: controls on abortion, protection of marriage, reform of the healthcare market. His inclination towards expanding the government and putting it on the side of his people isn't terribly constitutional. And his claim in a debate that the purpose of conservatism is to conserve wealth is spiritually impoverished. The Republican Party needs to stop him; and sooner rather than later. **Timothy Stanley, [http://www.edition.cnn.com/2016/02/10/opinions/donald-trump-republican-party-stanley/index.html "Donald Trump can win &ndash; and he must be stopped"] (10 February 2016), ''CNN'', State of Georgia: Cable News Network *In the past few months, a Republican front-runner has emerged who has praised Planned Parenthood, pushed elements of a big [[Government spending|spending]] agenda and questioned the [[Neoconservatism|neoconservative]] agenda. There's a case for saying that some or all of these were in need of analysis and revision. But Trump has taken a wrecking ball to the American conservative movement that threatens to leave it in pieces. It's a revolutionary moment and, unless I'm very much mistaken, conservatives are not supposed to be the revolutionaries. They exist to bring order to chaos, rationality over passion. Trump seems to exist to "mix things up." He is "nasty" and "fun" - although more the former than the latter. His enthusiasm for torture is unpleasant to say the least. **Timothy Stanley, [http://www.cnn.com/2016/02/20/opinions/trump-south-carolina-victory-opinion-timothy-stanley/index.html "Trump is blowing up conservatism - can he be stopped?"] (21 February 2016), ''CNN'', State of Georgia: Cable News Network *In January 2018, the experts at the Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists moved the hands of the Doomsday Clock to two minutes before midnight, where it had stood during the darkest days of the Cold War, from 1953 to 1960. The latest move of the hands was precipitated by the recklessness in Trump's nuclear thinking... Trump wondered aloud about the point of having nuclear weapons if he couldn't use them.<BR> His answer was to make them more usable, which he did with his new Nuclear Posture Review (NPR), the first since Obama's 2010 NPR, which had reduced the role of nuclear weapons in the US defense posture. The 2018 NPR significantly elevated their role, permitting use in response to vaguely defined "extreme circumstances," such as cyberattacks or attacks on the infrastructure of both the United States and its "allies and partners." The review doubled down on Obama's unconscionable 30-year trillion-dollar modernization of all parts of the nuclear arsenal. The actual cost looks to be closer to $1.7 trillion and climbing. To make matters worse, all eight other nuclear powers are undertaking their own modernizations, though on a far more modest scale. Russia, it should be noted, actually cut its defense spending this past year. *On top of this, we have the rapid and accelerating drift toward planetary disaster exacerbated by the climate change–denying troglodytes in the Trump administration. **[https://www.thenation.com/article/untold-history-of-the-united-states-rerelease/ ''2 Minutes and Counting, Crises that seemed contained not long ago have now spiraled out of control—and the prospects for resolving them peacefully look depressingly bleak, the Nation,''] [[Oliver Stone]] and [[w:Peter Kuznick|Peter Kuznick]], (April 2019) * Trump is not just a wacky politician of the far right, or a riveting television spectacle, or a Twitter phenom and bizarre working-class hero. He is not just another candidate to be parsed and analyzed by TV pundits in the same breath as all the others. '''In terms of our [[liberal democracy]] and constitutional order, Trump is an extinction-level event. It's long past time we started treating him as such.''' ** [[Andrew Sullivan]], in [http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2016/04/america-tyranny-donald-trump.html "America Has Never Been So Ripe for Tyranny" in ''New York'' (2 May 2016)] * No one claimed fraud. No one derided the lopsided unfairness of the parliamentary results, where Labour got 34 percent of the vote and a whopping 63 percent of the seats, and where the new rightist Reform Party won 14 percent of the vote and got only 5 seats. Those were the rules ahead of the game, and they were the rules everyone had agreed to.<br>There is one reason and one reason only why this kind of conciliatory exchange cannot happen any time soon in America, and that is Donald J. Trump. With a mind warped by pathological and malignant narcissism, incapable of generosity or grace or fairness, Trump has dominated this country’s politics for almost a decade now. He has systematically corroded every democratic norm and institution: the rule of law, the process of elections, the integrity of the Supreme Court, the independence of the Justice Department, the peaceful nature of the transfer of power, and the reliability of our alliances around the world. And none of this damage has been done to advance any broad policy or meaningful agenda, but merely and solely to advance the narcissism and corruption of the president himself. ** [[Andrew Sullivan]], in [https://andrewsullivan.substack.com/p/wanted-an-american-starmer "Wanted: An American Starmer" in ''The Weekly Dish'' (July 12, 2024)] * But we do know for a fact that Trump is criminally inclined, driven by vengeance and rage, and has now been granted vague and unprecedented immunity powers by SCOTUS whose limits he will doubtless exploit. We know he will delegitimize any institution that gets in his way; and we know that electing a convicted felon who has already once tried to stop the peaceful transfer of power will be a watershed for a purported republic. ** [[Andrew Sullivan]], in [https://andrewsullivan.substack.com/p/wanted-an-american-starmer "Wanted: An American Starmer" in ''The Weekly Dish'' (July 12, 2024)] * Trump is, of course, a master of distraction and {{w|media ma­nipu­la­tion}}. It's possible to resist being his chump, but it takes continued self-regulation. ** [[Margaret Sullivan (journalist)|Margaret Sullivan]], ''[https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/journalists-in-the-age-of-trump-lose-the-smugness-keep-the-mission/2016/11/29/1ee85a28-b64b-11e6-a677-b608fbb3aaf6_story.html Journalists in the age of Trump: Lose the smugness, keep the mission.]'', ''{{w|The Washington Post}}'' (November 29, 2016) * The press often will ask me if I think Donald Trump is crazy. And I’ll say it this way: I don't think he’s so crazy that you could put him in a mental institution. But I think if he were in one, he ain’t getting out! ** [[w:Chris Sununu | Chris Sununu]], Republican, governor in New Hampshire, quoted in [https://www.politico.com/newsletters/playbook/2022/04/03/a-night-of-laughter-and-cringe-at-the-gridiron-00022578 "POLITICO Playbook: A night of laughter and cringe at the Gridiron"], Politico, 4 April 2022 * Like many of you, I watched the [September 9, 2024 presidential candidate] debate tonight. If you haven’t already, now is a great time to do your research on the issues at hand and the stances these candidates take on the topics that matter to you the most. As a voter, I make sure to watch and read everything I can about their proposed policies and plans for this country.<br>Recently I was made aware that AI of ‘me’ falsely endorsing Donald Trump’s presidential run was posted to his site. It really conjured up my fears around AI, and the dangers of spreading misinformation. It brought me to the conclusion that I need to be very transparent about my actual plans for this election as a voter. The simplest way to combat misinformation is with the truth.<br>I will be casting my vote for Kamala Harris and Tim Walz in the 2024 Presidential Election. I’m voting for @kamalaharris because she fights for the rights and causes I believe need a warrior to champion them. I think she is a steady-handed, gifted leader and I believe we can accomplish so much more in this country if we are led by calm and not chaos. I was so heartened and impressed by her selection of running mate @timwalz, who has been standing up for LGBTQ+ rights, IVF, and a woman’s right to her own body for decades.<br>I’ve done my research, and I’ve made my choice. Your research is all yours to do, and the choice is yours to make. I also want to say, especially to first time voters: Remember that in order to vote, you have to be registered! I also find it’s much easier to vote early. I’ll link where to register and find early voting dates and info in my story.<br>With love and hope,<br>Taylor Swiftz<br>Childless Cat Lady ** [[Taylor Swift]] in [https://apnews.com/article/taylor-swift-endorse-kamala-harris-president-3a36b6f9695c20153891bba35c47f21d "Taylor Swift endorses Kamala Harris for president after debate ends"], ''AP News'' (September 10, 2024) * But at some point—if you understand, and this is not just ideological, it's not just the fact that he's abandoned one position after another or that he has the penchant for internet hoaxes or conspiracy theories. I mean a week ago tonight, remember, he was peddling the notion that Ted Cruz's dad had something do with the JFK assassination. So there are people who say that just because of party loyalty we're supposed to forget all of that. I just don't buy that. Because I've cautioned my fellow conservatives, you embrace Donald Trump, you embrace it all. You embrace every slur, every insult, every outrage, every falsehood. You're going to spend the next six months defending, rationalizing, evading all that. And afterwards, you come back to women, to minorities, to young people and say, that wasn't us. That's not what we're about. The reality is, if you support him to be president of the United States, that is who you are, and you own it. ** Charlie Sykes, on [http://www.weeklystandard.com/sykes-if-you-embrace-trump-you-embrace-every-slur-insult-outrage-falsehood/article/2002334 ''The Kelly File''] (2016), FOX News * However the media portrays him. '''I see him as a man of peace. We’ve both been shot at by the same enemy. Trump understands leverage, strength, and outcomes.''' Syria needs an honest broker who can reset the conversation. If there is a possibility of alignment that helps bring stability to the region — and security to the U.S. and its allies — I am ready to have that conversation. He is the only man capable of fixing this region, bringing us together, one brick at a time. ** {{w|Ahmed al-Sharaa}}, [https://jewishjournal.com/commentary/opinion/381746/a-conversation-with-president-ahmed-al-sharaa-syrias-journey-beyond-the-ruins/ Interview] with ''The Jewish Journal'' (May 28, 2025) === T === *All of Trump's constant bragging about his money and his poll numbers and his virility speak directly to this surprisingly vibrant middle American fantasy about a castrated white America struggling to re-grow its mojo... as basketball star turned pundit Kareem Abdul-Jabbar pointed out earlier this week, PC isn’t a new thing, or even a thing at all. It’s just an “emotional challenge every generation has had to go through.” We get older, our kids correct our bad habits, it happens. Not to Trump’s supporters. They’ve turned some minor cultural changes into a vast conspiracy of white victimhood. They're eating up Trump's ''Make America Great Again'' theme, which one supporter hilariously explained must be his true goal, because 'it's on his hat', because it's a fantasy tale of a once-great culture ruined by an invasion of mongrel criminals. **Matt Taibbi, [http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/news/the-gop-is-now-officially-the-party-of-dumb-white-people-20150904 "The Republicans Are Now Officially the Party of White Paranoia"], ''Rolling Stone''. * The [[Biden]] team is trying to go on with business as usual, but at some point, barring Trump getting a personality transplant, this is going to come to a head. The President is refusing to concede, he is refusing to allow the transition process to begin... ** [[w:Jake Tapper|Jake Tapper]] on CNN's [https://www.cnn.com/videos/tv/2020/11/18/lead-warner-live-jake-tapper.cnn The lead with Jake Tapper (video)] November 18, 2020 at 4:22et * What we saw week in and week out, for me, after two and a half years in that administration, was terrifying. We would go in to try to talk to him about a pressing national security issue -- cyberattack, terrorism threat -- he wasn't interested in those things. To him, they weren't priorities. * Given what I have experienced in the administration, I have to support Joe Biden for president and even though I am not a Democrat, even though I disagree on key issues, I'm confident that Joe Biden will protect the country and I'm confident that he won't make the same mistakes as this President. * I saw firsthand how dangerous Trump is for America. ** Miles Taylor, who served as chief of staff to Department of Homeland Security Secretary in the Trump administration from 2017 to 2019. Quoted by {{citation | date = 2020-08-17 | author = Gillian Turner, Paul Steinhauser | title = Former senior Trump administration official backs Biden | newspaper = Fox News | url = https://www.foxnews.com/politics/former-senior-trump-administration-official-backs-biden }} * What we saw week in and week out and for me after two and a half years in that administration was terrifying ** Miles Taylor, former DHS chief of staff [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/miles-taylor-homeland-security-trump-terrifying/ on CBS News] * [T]he media always is taking Trump literally. It never takes him seriously, but it always takes him literally. I think a lot of the voters who vote for Trump take Trump seriously, but not literally. ** [[Peter Thiel]], [http://www.press.org/sites/default/files/20161031_thiel.pdf Speech at the National Press Club] (October 31, 2016) *Trump has given more than $100,000 to the Democratic House and Senate campaign committees. In 2006, the year Democrats took back Congress, he gave $25,000 to the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee and the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee... Trump wanted Nancy Pelosi to be speaker of the House and Harry Reid the Senate majority leader. Which is not surprising. At the time he made those contributions, from August 2001 to September 2009, Trump was a registered Democrat... Trump continued to support Reid as majority leader in the election immediately after the passage of Obamacare... With all his past support for Democrats, Trump ought to be asked: Will he commit to supporting whoever is the eventual Republican nominee? After all, why should he be welcomed into the Republican fold if he is going to end up throwing his support to Clinton? The fact is, Trump isn't a Democrat or a Republican; he is an opportunist... He's less a candidate than a brand. And running for president is great for the Trump brand, an opportunity for Donald Trump to take the national stage and tell us all how great he is. He pretty much admitted as much during his announcement speech, when he pointed out that some questioned whether he was really as successful as he claimed. ** Marc A. Thiessen, [https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/how-donald-trump-helped-democrats-pass-obamacare/2015/06/22/002f4c7c-18ea-11e5-ab92-c75ae6ab94b5_story.html "How Donald Trump helped Democrats pass Obamacare"] (22 June 2015), ''The Washington Post'' *I wanted to like Donald Trump, much as I wanted to like Richard Nixon's vice president, Spiro Agnew. Both men have said many things with which I agree. Agnew attacked media bias, and Trump attacks the establishment's failure to "make America great," as he nonspecifically puts it. But a proper diagnosis does not equal competence in administering a cure. If I developed a brain tumor, I would want Ben Carson to operate on me, but do I want Donald Trump "operating" on America? Everyone has a temperament. The dictionary defines it as "the combination of mental, physical, and emotional traits of a person." Would Trump's "combination" make him a good president? I think not. **Cal Thomas, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination "Conservatives Against Trump"] (21 January 2016), ''National Review''. * I do think the President committed impeachable offenses. ** [[w:Pat Toomey|Pat Toomey]], Republican senator, quoted by {{citation | date = 2021-01-10 | author = Kate Sullivan, Nicky Robertson | title = Republican Sen. Pat Toomey says he thinks Trump 'committed impeachable offenses' | newspaper = CNN | url = https://edition.cnn.com/2021/01/09/politics/pat-toomey-trump-impeachable-offenses/index.html }} * There was a strange aftertaste to many of the calls for grand social [[reform]] in 2020. As the [[COVID-19 pandemic|coronavirus crisis]] overtook us, the [[Left-wing politics|left wing]] on both sides of the [[Atlantic Ocean|Atlantic]], at least that part that had been fired up [[Jeremy Corbyn]] and [[Bernie Sanders]], was going down to defeat. The promise of a radicalized and reenergized left, organized around the idea of the [[Green New Deal]], seemed to dissipate amidst the pandemic. It fell to [[Government|governments]] mainly of the [[Centrism|center]] and the [[Right-wing politics|right]] to meet the crisis. They were a strange assortment. [[Jair Bolsonaro]] in [[Brazil]] and Donald Trump in the United States experimented with denial. For them [[Climate change denial|climate skepticism]] and [[wikipedia:COVID-19_misinformation|virus skepticism]] went hand in hand. In [[Mexico]], the notionally left-wing government of [[Andrés Manuel López Obrador]] also pursued a maverick path, refusing to take drastic action. [[Nationalist]] strongmen like [[Rodrigo Duterte]] in the [[Philippines]], [[Narendra Modi]] in [[India]], [[Vladimir Putin]] in [[Russia]], and [[Recep Tayyip Erdoğan]] in [[Turkey]] did not deny [[SARS-CoV-2|the virus]], but relied on their patriotic appeal and bullying tactics to see them through. It was the managerial centrist types who were under most pressure. Figures like [[Nancy Pelosi]] and [[Chuck Schumer]] in the United States, or [[Sebastián Piñera]] in [[Chile]], or [[Cyril Ramaphosa]] in [[South Africa]], [[Emmanuel Macron]], [[Angela Merkel]], [[Ursula von der Leyen]], and their ilk in [[Europe]]. They accepted the [[science]]. [[Denial]] was not an option. They were desperate to demonstrate that they were better than the '[[Populism|populists]].' To meet the crisis, very middle-of-the-road [[politicians]] ended up doing very [[Radicalism|radical]] things. Most of it was improvisation and compromise, but insofar as they managed to put a programmatic gloss on their responses—whether in the form of the [[EU]]'s [[wikipedia:Next_Generation_EU|Next Generation program]] or [[Joe Biden|Biden]]'s [[Build Back Better Plan|Build Back Better program]] in 2020—it came from the repertoire of [[Climate action|green modernization]], [[sustainable development]], and the [[Green New Deal]]. ** [[wikipedia:Adam Tooze|Adam Tooze]], ''Shutdown: How Covid Shook the World Economy'' (2021) * [[w:Criticism of response to the 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic|The governments]] that have been negligent from the beginning [...] are afraid of demonstrating their ineptitude in the face of such a health crisis. At the last minute, Trump declared a "[[w:Public health emergency (United States)|national emergency]]" and agreed with the Democrats in Congress on a special package for {{w|sick leave}} and rapid testing. If he appears incompetent in the face of a crisis and thousands of [[w:2019–20 coronavirus pandemic#Deaths|people die]], he could lose the [[2020 United States presidential election|U.S. presidency]], even to Biden. ** [[Trotskyist Fraction – Fourth International]], ''[https://www.leftvoice.org/coronavirus-and-the-healthcare-crisis-our-lives-are-worth-more-than-their-profits Coronavirus and the Healthcare Crisis: Our Lives Are Worth More than Their Profits!]'' (March 14, 2020), ''Left Voice''. * He's got to condemn this sh*t ASAP. * We need an Oval office address. He has to lead now. It has gone too far and gotten out of hand. ** Donald Trump Jr. writing [https://edition.cnn.com/2021/12/13/politics/trump-jr-text-mark-meadows-january-6/index.html text messages] to White House chief of staff Mark Meadows on January 6 2021, urging Meadows to make Donald Trump stop the attack on the Congress Building. * Every family has their crazy uncle. My Uncle Donald is atomic crazy. ** Fred Trump III, nephew of Donald Trump, cited in [https://abcnews.go.com/US/fred-trump-iii-calls-uncle-donald-trump-atomic/story "Fred Trump III calls uncle Donald Trump 'atomic crazy,' says he used racial slur decades ago"], ''ABC News'' (July 30, 2024) * I think he would be a great president... He is one of the most dynamic people in the world. He looks presidential, and he talks presidential, and he would make the changes he promises. ** [[w:Ivana Trump|Ivana Trump]], as quoted in {{citation | date = 2016-02-11 | author = Eddie Roche | title = Daily Exclusive: Ivana Trump Uncensored | newspaper = Daily Front Row | url = http://fashionweekdaily.com/daily-exclusive-ivana-trump-uncensored/ }} * My father is an unbelievable listener, and I don't think people realize that until they actually know him. And he ultimately makes his own decisions and that's what any leader needs to do. ** [[Ivanka Trump]], as quoted in {{citation | date = 2015-10-14 | author = Judy Kurtz | title = Ivanka Trump: Dad's conflict with Megyn Kelly 'very sensationalized' | newspaper = The Hill | url = http://thehill.com/blogs/in-the-know/in-the-know/256903-ivanka-trump-dads-conflict-with-megyn-kelly-very }} * Today, Donald is much as he was at three years old: incapable of growing, learning, or evolving, unable to regulate his emotions, moderate his responses, or take in & synthesize information. ** {{citation | date = 2020-07-07 | author = Mary Trump (niece of Donald Trump) | title = The explosive tell-all book by Trump's niece is coming out two weeks earlier than expected | newspaper = CNN | url = https://edition.cnn.com/2020/07/06/media/mary-trump-book-release-date/index.html }} * Donald's pathologies are so complex and his behaviors so often inexplicable that coming up with an accurate and comprehensive diagnosis would require a full battery of psychological and neurophysical tests that he'll never sit for ** {{citation | date = 2020-07-08 | author = William Goldschlag, Dan Janison | title = Donald Trump's niece: He lies, cheats, is cruel, incompetent and cheap | newspaper = Newsday | url = https://www.newsday.com/long-island/politics/trump-niece-mary-book-conway-coronavirus-schools-reopening-biden-who-jacksonville-rnc-tiktok-1.46510343 }} * I have no problem calling Donald a narcissist — he meets all nine criteria. ** Mary Trump, as quoted by {{citation | date = 2020-07-14 | author = Kurt Andersen | title = Review: The most devastating thing about Mary Trump’s portrait is her empathy for Donald Trump | newspaper = Los Angeles Times | url = https://www.latimes.com/entertainment-arts/books/story/2020-07-14/the-most-devastating-thing-about-mary-trumps-portrait-of-trump-is-i }} * In order to understand what brought Donald- and all of us- to this point, we need to start with my grandfather and his own need for recognition, a need that propelled him to encourage Donald's reckless hyperbole and unearned confidence that hid Donald's pathological weaknesses and insecurities. As Donald grew up, he was forced to become his own cheerleader, first, because he needed his father to believe he was a better and more confident son than Freddy was; then because Fred required it of him; and finally because he began to believe his own hype, even as he paradoxically suspected on a very deep level that nobody else did. By the time of the election, Donald met any challenges to his sense of superiority with anger, his fear and vulnerabilities so effectively buried that he didn't even have to acknowledge they existed. And he never would. ** Mary L. Trump, ''Too Much And Never Enough: How My Family Created The World's Most Dangerous Man'' (2020), p. 11 * In the [[1970s]], after my grandfather had already been preferring and promoting Donald for years, the New York media picked up the baton and began disseminating Donald's unsubstantiated hype. In the [[1980s]], the banks joined in when they began to fund his ventures. Their willingness (and then their need) to foster his increasingly unfounded claims to success hung on the hopes of recouping their losses. After a decade during which Donald floundered, dragged down by bankruptcies and reduced to fronting for a series of failed products from steaks to vodka, the television producer Mark Burnett gave him yet another chance. ''The Apprentice'' traded on Donald's image as the brash, self-made dealmaker, a myth that had been the creation of my grandfather five decades earlier and astonishingly, considering the vast trove of evidence disproving it, had survived into the new millennium almost entirely unaltered. By the time Donald announced his run for the Republican Party nomination in 2015, a significant percentage of the American population had been primed to believe that myth. ** Mary L. Trump, ''Too Much And Never Enough: How My Family Created The World's Most Dangerous Man'' (2020), p. 11 * To this day, the lies, misrepresentations, and fabrications that are the sum total of who my uncle is are perpetuated by the Republican Party and white evangelical Christians. People who know better, such as Senate majority leader Mitch McConnell; true believers, such as Representative Kevin McCarthy, Secretary of State Mike Pompeo, and Attorney General William Barr; and others too numerous to name, have become, unwittingly or not, complicit in their perpetuation. ** Mary L. Trump, ''Too Much And Never Enough: How My Family Created The World's Most Dangerous Man'' (2020), p. 11-12 * The fact is, Donald's pathologies are so complex and his behaviors so often inexplicable that coming up with an accurate and comprehensive diagnosis would require a full battery of psychological and neuropsychological tests that he'll never sit for. At this point, we can't evaluate his day-to-day functioning because he is, in the West Wing, essentially institutionalized. Donald has been institutionalized for most of his adult life, so there is no way to know how he would thrive, or even survive, on his own in the real world. At the end of my aunt's birthday party in 2017, as we lined up for our pictures, I could see that Donald was already under a kind of stress he'd never experienced before. As the pressures upon him have continued to mount over the course of the last three years, the disparity between the level of competence required for running a country and his incompetence has widened, revealing his delusions more starkly than ever before. Many, but by no means all of us, have been shielded until now from the worst effects of his pathologies by a stable economy and a lack of serious crises. But the out-of-control COVID-19 pandemic, the possibility of an economic depression, deepening social divides along political lines thanks to Donald's penchant for division, and devastating uncertainty about our country's future have created a perfect storm of catastrophes that no one is less equipped than my uncle to manage. Doing so would require courage, strength of character, deference to experts, and the confidence to take responsibility and to course correct after admitting mistakes. His ability to control unfavorable situations by lying, spinning, and obfuscating has diminished to the point of impotence in the midst of the tragedies we are currently facing. His egregious and arguably intentional mishandling of the current catastrophe has led to a level of scrutiny and pushback that he's never experienced before, increasing his belligerence and need for petty revenge as he withholds vital funding, personal protective equipment, and ventilators that your tax dollars have paid for from states whose governors don't kiss his ass sufficiently. ** Mary L. Trump, ''Too Much And Never Enough: How My Family Created The World's Most Dangerous Man'' (2020), p. 13-14 * After the election, Donald called his big sister, ostensibly to find out how he was doing. Of course, he thought he already knew the answer; otherwise he wouldn't have made the call in the first place. He merely wanted her to confirm very strongly that he was doing a fantastic job. When she said, "Not that good," Donald immediately went on offense. "That's nasty," he said. She could see the sneer on his face. Then, seemingly apropos of nothing, he asked her, "Maryanne, where would you be without me?" It was a smug reference to the fact that Maryanne owed her first federal judgeship to Donald because Roy Cohn had done him (and her) a favor all those years ago. My aunt has always insisted that she earned her position on the bench entirely on her own merits, and she shot back at him, "If you say that one more time, I will ''level'' you." But it was an empty threat. Although Maryanne had prided herself on being the only person on the planet Donald ever listened to, those days were long past, which was illustrated not long after, in June 2018. On the eve of Donald's first summit with North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un, Maryanne called the White House and left a message with his secretary: "Tell him his older sister called with a little sisterly advice. Prepare. Learn from those who know what they are doing. Stay away from Dennis Rodman. And leave his Twitter alone." He ignored all of it. The ''Politico'' headline the following day read "Trump Says Kim Meeting Will Be About 'Attitude,' Not Prep Work." If Maryanne had ever had any sway over her little brother, it was gone now. Aside from the requisite birthday call, they didn't speak much after that. ** Mary L. Trump, ''Too Much And Never Enough: How My Family Created The World's Most Dangerous Man'' (2020), p. 188-189 * Donald was to my grandfather what the border wall as been for Donald: a vanity project funded at the expense of more worthy pursuits. ** Mary L. Trump, ''Too Much And Never Enough: How My Family Created The World's Most Dangerous Man'' (2020), p. 194 * He's smart, he's tough, he knows what he's doing. He's speaking from his heart. He's the best. ** {{w|Melania Trump}}, as quoted in [http://thehill.com/blogs/in-the-know/in-the-know/263527-melania-trump-not-nervous-for-husband "Melania Trump not nervous for husband"] by Judy Kurtz, ''The Hill'' (16 December 2015) *Trump's entire personal and professional history is Obama-esque. When it serves his interests, Trump lies. He has lied to business associates, employees, friends, spouses, and now to millions of prospective voters. Anyone who thinks that Trump will not lie to them, or that he will at least tell the truth about 'important things', immigration or ISIS or whatever, is deluding himself. When it becomes expedient for Trump to lie, he will. **Ian Tuttle, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/431755/donald-trumps-huge-lies "Donald Trump's Huge Lies"], ''National Review'' * After close review of recent Tweets from the @realDonaldTrump account and the context around them we have permanently suspended the account due to the risk of further incitement of violence. ** Twitter, as quoted by {{citation | date = 2021-01-08 | author = Brian Fung | title = Twitter bans President Trump permanently | newspaper = CNN Business | url = https://edition.cnn.com/2021/01/08/tech/trump-twitter-ban/index.html }} * Right now, I’m not sure whether he should stay in place for a week or step down immediately. ** Christian Tybring-Gjedde, quoted in [https://www.thelocal.no/20210107/trump-scares-norwegian-politician-who-nominated-him-for-nobel-peace-prize "Trump 'scares' Norwegian politician who nominated him for Nobel Peace Prize"] 7 January 2021 * We're really good friends, we go back to '86, '87. Most of my successful and best fights were at [[w:Trump International Hotel and Tower|Trump's hotels]]. He didn't manage me, though. He was just helping me with my [[w:Mike Tyson#Rape conviction, prison, and conversion|court case]]. '''We're the same guy, a thrust for power, a drive for power. Whatever field we're in, we need power in that field. That's just who we are. Balls of energy. We're not even who we think we are. We're fire. We're made of this crap—water, motion, dirt, diamonds, emeralds. We're made out of that stuff, can you believe it?''' * That shit is the real deal. Listen: I'm a black motherfucker from the poorest town in the country. I've been through a lot in life. And I know him. When I see him, he shakes my hand and respects my family. None of them—[[Barack Obama|Barack]], whoever—nobody else does that. They're gonna be who they are and disregard me, my family. So I'm voting for him. If I can get 20,000 people or more to vote for him, I'm gonna do it. ** [[Mike Tyson]], in an interview with {{w|The Daily Caller}}. [http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2016/01/21/mike-tyson-why-i-m-a-muslim-for-donald-trump.html] (January 21, 2016) === U === [[File:Trump Second Impeachment Vote.png |thumb|President Trump gravely [[endangered]] the [[security]] of the [[United States]] and its [[institutions]] of [[Government]]. He threatened the [[integrity]] of the [[democratic]] [[system]], interfered with the [[peaceful]] transition of [[power]], and imperiled a coequal branch of Government.]] * President Trump gravely [[endangered]] the [[security]] of the [[United States]] and its [[institutions]] of [[Government]]. He threatened the [[integrity]] of the [[democratic]] [[system]], interfered with the [[peaceful]] transition of [[power]], and imperiled a coequal branch of Government. He thereby betrayed his trust as President, to the manifest [[injury]] of the [[people]] of the United States. <br /> Wherefore, Donald John Trump, by such [[conduct]], has [[demonstrated]] that he will remain a threat to national security, democracy, and [[United States Constitution|the Constitution]] if allowed to remain in office, and has acted in a manner grossly incompatible with self-governance and the [[rule of law]]. Donald John Trump thus warrants [[impeachment]] and [[trial]], removal from office, and disqualification to hold and enjoy any office of [[honor]], [[trust]], or [[profit]] under the United States. ** [[United States Congress|United States House of Representatives]]; the concluding lines of [https://www.congress.gov/bill/117th-congress/house-resolution/24/text "H.Res.24 - Impeaching Donald John Trump, President of the United States, for high crimes and misdemeanors", introduced 11 January 2021, and approved 13 January 2021] === V === * you have to remember that Trump has no shame. There’s nothing that we can say to him, or nothing that he can say, that will make him blush. However, he’s only in power because of all these seemingly normal people supporting him. If we can make all of them radioactive, beyond radioactive, then we can take some steps towards hopefully neutralizing this larger threat. **[[Eli Valley]] [https://www.tcj.com/eli-valley-and-the-plight-of-the-secular-jew/ Interview] (2018) *I wrote about him as a buffoon, a dangerous buffoon, someone who wouldn’t actually become president. And so I spoke about him in terms of what it revealed about Jewish leaders who were supporting him despite his being a hero of American naziism — this was clear long before Charlottesville...I call Trump Netanyahu with smaller hands in the introduction. Netanyahu shares a lot in common with Trump. Including demagoguery, bigotry, attacks on the press, attacks on institutions of democracy, attacks on human rights organizations. I don’t know if Trump has gone that far yet, but he will. It’s a similar method of autocrats. **[[Eli Valley]] about Donald Trump [https://electricliterature.com/how-donald-trump-changed-political-comics/ Interview] (2017) * Mr. Trump is unfit for our nation’s highest office. ** [[J.D. Vance]] [https://www.nytimes.com/2016/04/04/opinion/campaign-stops/why-trumps-antiwar-message-resonates-with-white-america.html "Why Trump’s Antiwar Message Resonates with White America"], ''The New York Times'' (April 4, 2016) * People no longer trust the career politicians, no longer trust the status-quo because they screwed it up so bad. I loved listening to you talk to those other talking heads about 'Donald Trump could be the destruction of the whole Republican party.' I throw my hands up in the air and cheer. I hope it happens! And I hope [[Bernie Sanders]] is the destruction of the Democratic Party. It's time to break up the two party dictatorship. ** [[Jesse Ventura]] on CNN with Don Lemon, as quoted in {{citation | date = 2015-10-07 | author = Chris Enloe | title = Jesse Ventura Wants to Destroy the Political Establishment and He's Named Two Guys to Do It | newspaper = IJ Review | url = https://www.ijreview.com/2015/10/439711-jesse-ventura-supports-donald-trump-bernie-sanders-destroying-political-establishment/ }} *We believe your final decision yesterday was the right one — given the so-called "fog of war" and against the background of a long list of intelligence mistakes, not to mention "cooking" shenanigans. We... think Tucker Carlson had it right yesterday evening: "The very people — in some cases, literally the same people who lured us into the Iraq quagmire 16 years ago — are demanding a new war — this one with Iran. Carlson described you as "skeptical." We believe ample skepticism is warranted. **[[Veteran Intelligence Professionals for Sanity]], in [https://consortiumnews.com/2019/06/21/vips-memo-to-the-president-is-pompeos-agenda-the-same-as-yours/ ''VIPS Memo to the President: Is Pompeo's Iran Agenda the Same As Yours?''] (21 June 2019) *After the close call yesterday when you called off the planned military strike on Iran, we remain concerned that you are about to be mousetrapped into war with Iran. You have said you do not want such a war (no sane person would), and our comments below are based on that premise. There are troubling signs that [[Mike Pompeo|Secretary Pompeo]] is not likely to jettison his more warlike approach, More importantly, we know from personal experience with Pompeo's dismissive attitude to instructions from you that his agenda can deviate from yours on issues of major consequence... Pompeo's behavior betrays a strong desire to resort to military action — perhaps even without your approval — to Iranian provocations (real or imagined), with no discernible strategic goal other than to advance the interests of Israel, Saudi Arabia and the UAE. **[[Veteran Intelligence Professionals for Sanity]], in [https://consortiumnews.com/2019/06/21/vips-memo-to-the-president-is-pompeos-agenda-the-same-as-yours/ ''VIPS Memo to the President: Is Pompeo's Iran Agenda the Same As Yours?''] (21 June 2019) *If Pompeo failed to report back to you on the conversation you instructed him to have with [[William Binney|Binney]], you might ask him about it now (even though the flimsy evidence of Russia hacking the DNC has now evaporated, with Binney vindicated). There were two note-takers present at the October 24, 2017 meeting at CIA headquarters. There is also a good chance the session was also recorded. You might ask Pompeo about that... Binney had the impression Pompeo was simply going through the motions — and disingenuously, at that. If he "really wanted to know about Russian hacking," he would have acquainted himself with the conclusions that VIPS, with Binney in the lead, had reached in mid-2017, and which apparently caught your eye.... Had he pursued the matter seriously with Binney, we might not have had to wait until the Justice Department itself put nails in the coffin of Russiagate, CrowdStrike, and Comey. In sum, Pompeo could have prevented two additional years of "everyone knows that the Russians hacked into the DNC." Why did he not? **[[Veteran Intelligence Professionals for Sanity]], in [https://consortiumnews.com/2019/06/21/vips-memo-to-the-president-is-pompeos-agenda-the-same-as-yours/ ''VIPS Memo to the President: Is Pompeo's Iran Agenda the Same As Yours?''] (21 June 2019) * We are all Gold Star Families, '''who have lost those we love the most in war. Ours is a sacrifice you will never know. Ours is a sacrifice we would never want you to know.''' * Your recent comments regarding the Khan family were repugnant, and personally offensive to us. When you question a mother's pain, by implying that her religion, not her grief, kept her from addressing an arena of people, you are attacking us. When you say your job building buildings is akin to our sacrifice, you are attacking our sacrifice. You are not just attacking us, you are cheapening the sacrifice made by those we lost. You are minimizing the risk our service members make for all of us. This goes beyond politics. It is about a sense of decency. That kind decency you mock as "political correctness." ** [[w:VoteVets.org|VoteVets]]' Gold Star Family Members, open letter to Trump [http://www.votevets.org/press/gold-star-letter] (August 1, 2016) === W === * We've never had a president whose business created as many potential {{w|conflicts of interest}} as Donald Trump, and at the same time we've never had a president who cared less about conflicts of interest as Donald Trump. Indeed, he and his children are making it quite clear that they will use the presidency as a tool to make as much money as they can. And Republicans, particularly [[United States Congress|Congress]], have apparently decided that if Trump does it, it's okay. ** [[Paul Waldman]], ''[https://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/plum-line/wp/2016/12/05/republicans-are-already-making-it-clear-trump-can-do-whatever-he-wants/?hpid=hp_no-name_opinion-card-f%3Ahomepage%2Fstory&utm_term=.4d816d92b558 Republicans are already making it clear: Trump can do whatever he wants]'', ''{{w|The Washington Post}}'' (December 5, 2016) *The political triumph of Donald Trump is a symbol and symptom—not cause or origin—of our imperial meltdown. Trump is neither alien nor extraneous to American culture and history. In fact, he is as American as apple pie. Yet he is a sign of our spiritual bankruptcy—all spectacle and no substance, all narcissism and no empathy, all appetite and greed and no wisdom and maturity. **[[Cornel West]] ''Race Matters'' (2017 edition) * Can we get Trump to prove he's a good citizen or we'll deport him? ** {{w|Shannon Wheeler}}, cartoonist, [https://twitter.com/muchcoffee twitted] 10.10 * Trump actually faces unique obstacles as he courts black voters. The mogul has a long history of using racially charged rhetoric and his real estate company was sued for allegedly discriminating against black renters in the 1970s. His stance on Muslims, which has drawn praise from white supremacists, could also prove problematic, since over 25 percent of American Muslims are black. **Hunter Walker, [https://www.yahoo.com/politics/donald-trump-has-a-huge-1317867072716854.html "Donald Trump has a plan to win ‘100 percent' of the black vote and prove he's not a racist"] (10 December 2015), ''Yahoo! News'' *America has lost more than 12 million jobs in the last six months. An estimated 12 million people have lost their employer-sponsored health insurance during the worst pandemic in a century. Tens of millions report not having enough to eat. But one month ago, tens of millions of unemployed Americans lost... a $600 weekly federal unemployment insurance benefit that Congress failed to renew... How can this happen in a democracy? This is a question that everyone who works for a living... might want to consider on this Labor Day... If the facts of this political disaster were more widely known and understood, Republicans could lose not only the presidency but also the Senate in November. After all, millions of unemployed Republicans lost most of their income as a result of what their political party...did... Who would want to be forcing layoffs — potentially totaling millions at the state and local level — during a depression and pandemic? Ask Sen. McConnell and Donald Trump. **[[Mark Weisbrot]], [https://www.timesfreepress.com/news/opinion/times-commentary/story/2020/sep/06/weisbrot-whour-government-doing-labor/531611/ What is our government doing to labor?], [[w:Chattanooga Times Free Press|Times Free Press]], (6 September 2020) * You will never hear me say a negative thing about Donald Trump. Me and Donald are cool. ... Donald will get my vote. ** [[Dana White]], as quoted in [http://thehill.com/blogs/ballot-box/263033-ufc-chief-dana-white-endorses-trump "UFC head Dana White endorses Trump"] by Sylvan Lane, ''The Hill'' (12 December 2015) * He will be a real American leader, who might not always be the best one from Europe's perspective but defends the interests of his own people. I wish we had political leaders like this in the Netherlands who defend their own country... and forget the rest. ** [[Geert Wilders]], on BNR radio, as quoted in [http://www.dutchnews.nl/news/archives/2016/07/93300-2/ "Geert Wilders says the Netherlands needs a leader like Donald Trump"] (18 July 2016), ''DutchNews.nl''. * I'd vote for a bowling ball covered in dog shit and pubic hair before I vote for Trump. ** bestselling author {{W|Chuck Wendig}}, [http://terribleminds.com/ramble/2016/06/08/im-with-her/ "I'm With Her"], June 8, 2016 * The cost of appearing with a bloviating ignoramus is obvious, it seems to me. Donald Trump is redundant evidence that if your net worth is high enough, your IQ can be very low and you can still intrude into American politics. ** [[George Will]] on {{citation | date = 2012-05-27 | title = This Week | publisher = ABC }}, quoted in {{citation | date = 2012-05-27 | title = George Will Calls Donald Trump a ‘Bloviating Ignoramus' | first = Jake | last = Tapper | periodical = ABC News | url = http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/politics/2012/05/george-will-calls-donald-trump-a-bloviating-ignoramus-on-this-week/ }} *It has come to this. The GOP, formerly the party of Lincoln and ostensibly the party of liberty and limited government, is being defined by clamors for a mass roundup and deportation of millions of human beings. To will an end is to will the means for the end, so the Republican clamors are also for the requisite expansion of government's size and coercive powers... Trump evidently plans to deport almost 10 percent of California's workers, and 13 percent of that state's K–12 students. He is, however, at his most Republican when he honors family values: He proposes to deport intact families, including children who are citizens... Trump proposes seizing money that illegal immigrants from Mexico try to send home. This might involve sacrificing mail privacy, but desperate times require desperate measures. He would vastly enlarge the federal government's enforcement apparatus, but he who praises single-payer health care systems and favors vast eminent domain powers has never made a fetish of small government. **George Will, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/422916/donald-trump-immigration-deportation-republicans "Trump Should Have No Place in the Party of Liberty and Limited Government"] (22 August 2015), ''National Review'' *If Donald Trump were a Democratic mole placed in the Republican Party to disrupt things, how would his behavior be any different? I don't think it would be. **George Will, as quoted in [http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-35066940 "Is Donald Trump a Democratic secret agent?"] (11 December 2015), by Anthony Zurcher, ''BBC News'', United Kingdom: British Broadcasting Corporation * What you saw was the real Trump, unbound by facts, reason, logic, the law, or the Constitution ** Conservative campaign consultant Rick Wilson, commenting on a coronavirus press briefing [https://www.rawstory.com/2020/04/rick-wilson-trumps-press-conference-meltdown-was-a-manic-ragefest-by-americas-worst-president/ "Rick Wilson: Trump’s press conference meltdown was a ‘manic ragefest by America’s Worst President’"] (14 April 2020), ''Rawstory'' * Shortly after 8pm on Election Night, when the unexpected trend - Trump might actually win - seemed confirmed, Don Jr told a friend that his father, or DJT, as he calls him, looked as if he had seen a ghost. Melania was in tears - and not of joy. There was, in the space of little more than an hour, in Steve Bannon's not unamused observation, a befuddled Trump morphing into a disbelieving Trump and then into a horrified Trump. But still to come was the final transformation: Suddenly, Donald Trump became a man who believed that he deserved to be, and was wholly capable of being, the president of the United States. ** p. 18 * Trump did not enjoy his own inauguration. He was angry that A-level stars had snubbed the event, disgruntled with the accommodations at Blair House, and visibly fighting with his wife, who seemed on the verge of tears. Throughout the day, he wore what some around him had taken to calling his golf face: angry and pissed off, shoulders hunched, arms swinging, brow furled, lips pursed. * In pursuing a friend's wife, he would try to persuade the wife that her husband was perhaps not what she thought. ** p. 23 * Trump, in fact, found the White House to be vexing and even a little scary. He retreated to his own bedroom - the first time since the Kennedy White House that a presidential couple had maintained separate rooms. In the first days, he ordered two television screens in addition to the one already there, and a lock on the door, precipitating a brief standoff with the Secret Service, who insisted they have access to the room. * She [Ivanka Trump] treated her father with a degree of detachment, even irony, going so far as to make fun of his comb-over to others. She often described the mechanics behind it to friends: an absolutely clean pate - a contained island after scalp-reduction -surgery - surrounded by a furry circle of hair around the sides and front, from which all ends are drawn up to meet in the center and then swept back and secured by a stiffening spray. The color, she would point out to comical effect, was from a product called Just for Men - the longer it was left on, the darker it got. Impatience resulted in Trump's orange-blond hair color. * [[Rupert Murdoch]], heretofore doubtlessly certain Trump was a charlatan and a fool, said he and his new wife, Jerry Hall, would pay a call on the president-elect. But Murdoch was late- quite late. Trump kept assuring his guests that Rupert was on his way, coming soon. When some of the guests made a move to leave, Trump cajoled them to stay a little longer. ''You'll want to stay to see Rupert''. (Or, one of the guests interpreted, you'll want to stay to see Trump with Rupert.) It was a matched set of odd reversals- an ironic symmetry. Trump, perhaps not yet appreciating the difference between becoming president and elevating his social standing, was trying mightily to curry favor with the previously disdainful media mogul. And Murdoch, finally arriving at the party he was in more than one way sorely late to, was as subdued and thrown as everyone else, and struggling to adjust his view of a man who, for more than a generation, had been at best a clown prince among the rich and famous. ** p. 20 * Murdoch suggested that taking a liberal approach to [[w:H-1B visas|H-1B visas]], which open America's doors to select immigrants, might be hard to square with his promises to build a wall and close the borders. But Trump seemed unconcerned, assuring Murdoch, 'We'll figure it out.' "What a fucking idiot," said Murdoch, shrugging, as he got off the phone. ** p. 36 * The unique problem here was partly how to get information to someone who did not (or could not or would not) read, and who at best listened only selectively. But the other part of the problem was how best to qualify the information that he liked to get... The information he did not get was formal information. The data. The details. The options. The analysis. He didn't do PowerPoint. For anything that smacked of a classroom or of being lectured to- "professor" was one of his bad words, and he was proud of never going to class, never buying a textbook, never taking a note- he got up and left the room. ** p. 188 * The president liked generals. The more fruit salad they wore, the better. The president was very pleased with the compliments he got for appointing generals who commanded the respect that Mattis and [[John F. Kelly|Kelly]] and [[H. R. McMaster|McMaster]] were accorded (pay no attention to Michael Flynn). What the president did not like was ''listening'' to generals, who, for the most part, were skilled in the new Army jargon of PowerPoint, data dumps, McKinsey-like presentations. One of the things that endeared Flynn to the president was the fact that Flynn, quite the conspiracist and drama queen, had good storytelling sense. ** p. 188 ** [[w:Michael_Wolff_(journalist)|Michael Wolff]], ''Fire and Fury: Inside the Trump White House'' (2018) *Let's begin with [Trump's] the simplest assertion: we are doing "great" economically... over the last 20 years the United States has had a hard time achieving economic growth. The last year or two are slightly better... because the government gave an enormous boost... not private capitalist corporations, the government gave... The [[w:Tax Cuts and Jobs Act of 2017|2017 tax cut]]... gave corporations... hundreds of billions of dollars in taxes they don't have to pay anymore... and they mostly used it to increase salaries of executives... very good for the top one percent, but not for the rest of the American people. *Chinese workers, the average amount of money they get adjusted for inflation, has quadrupled in the last 12, 15 years. What happened to the average wage in America, adjusted for inflation? It hardly budged... Excluding that from the conversation - prancing around as if the economy here is the envy of the world - that's not just nonsense. *...he spent more time... demonizing [[immigrants]] than on any other topic.... the United States is an economy of three hundred and twenty five million people; the number of [[w:Illegal immigration to the United States|undocumented immigrants in the United States is estimated between 10 and 12 million [~3.4]%]] ...Focusing on immigrants is pure scapegoating; it's focusing people on something that doesn't matter because you don't want them to focus on what does matter. **[[Richard Wolffe]] in [https://www.rdwolff.com/prof_wolff_on_sotu '''''Wolff responds to Trump's "State of the Union" address,'''''] (6 February 2019) * I still call myself a [[conservative]], but only in full knowledge that there is a blot on the escutcheon, and many a writer who claims that title is an open [[treason|traitor]] to all I in truth uphold and he in word only. Because, honestly, a conservative who opposes Trump on the grounds of [[ideal]]s, despite what this administration has already done in deregulating and defanging the [[bureaucracy]], reversing foreign policy mistakes, and appointing originalist judges, falls into the same error of being a [[cult]]ist and not a political thinker. ** [[John C. Wright]], [http://www.scifiwright.com/2017/06/objectivism-and-alt-right/ "Objectivism and Alt-Right"] (2017) === Y === * He's the classic demagogue described well in the [[The Federalist|Federalist Papers]] that our system is designed to stop. ** {{W|John Yoo}}, [http://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2016-election/analysis-vengeful-world-donald-trump-why-it-matters-n671721 Analysis: the Vengeful World of Donald Trump and Why It Matters], at NBC News, published October 31, 2016 * Donald Trump is also a coward. For all of his tough talk and bluster, the president of the United States is a punk ass bitch. And this has also been apparent for as long as we've known who he is. * He slipped out of draft duty because of ... bone spurs. Bone spurs don't even get you on the NFL injury report, but he used it to stay the fuck away from actually having to fight. We know his history of bullying and insulting women. And, since he's been in office, we've seen him cower to Kim Jong Un and literally get Deeboed by Vladimir Putin — two men who, for all of their faults, would definitely whoop Trump's ass. * We've had racist presidents before. We've had malignant misogynists in office before. But never has our president been such a fucking wimp. ** Damon Young, [https://verysmartbrothas.theroot.com/just-remember-that-your-punk-ass-president-would-never-1828105410 Just Remember That Your Punk-Ass President Would Never, Ever, Ever Call LeBron James Dumb to His Face], in {{W|The Root (magazine)|The Root}}, published August 4, 2018. === Z === *Donald Trump would be an awesome GOP nominee if he was remotely conservative, suited to beat Hillary, or had the temperament of a good POTUS. **John Ziegler, [https://twitter.com/Zigmanfreud/status/697866127163043841 ''Twitter'' post] (February 2016) * His decision to use his platform to condone rather than condemn the actions of his supporters at the Capitol building has rightly disturbed people in the US and around the world. We removed these statements yesterday because we judged that their effect — and likely their intent — would be to provoke further violence. * We believe the risks of allowing the President to continue to use our service during this period are simply too great. Therefore, we are extending the block we have placed on his Facebook and Instagram accounts indefinitely and for at least the next two weeks until the peaceful transition of power is complete. ** [[Mark Zuckerberg]], CEO Facebook, quoted in [https://techcrunch.com/2021/01/07/mark-zuckerberg-announces-trump-banned-from-facebook-and-instagram-for-at-least-the-next-two-weeks/ "Mark Zuckerberg announces Trump banned from facebook and instagram for 'at least the next two weeks'"] (January 7 2021) <i> Tech Crunch </i> *Could Donald Trump be a secret double-agent, sent by Democrats to destroy their party from within? Former Florida governor Jeb Bush, who has borne the brunt of more than a few Trump barbs, seems to think there's a possibility... He's belittling his Republican colleagues. He's pulling the party to the nativist right in direct conflict with the goal set by strategists in 2013 to appeal to a more ethnically diverse nation. And he's generally sucking up all the political oxygen, making it harder for other candidates to get their message out. All in all, many experts say he's making it much more difficult for a Republican to win the general election next fall. Maybe he's doing it on purpose... But as the saying goes, even paranoids have enemies. And, at least for the moment, there are some Republicans who see Donald Trump much more of an enemy than a friend. **Anthony Zurcher, [http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-35066940 "Is Donald Trump a Democratic secret agent?"] (11 December 2015), ''BBC News'', United Kingdom: British Broadcasting Corporation *Trump has forged a coalition between the workers and the patriotic elite. I strongly believe in the coalition that has brought Trump together. Just like Boris Johnson. That, I think, is the political axis of the future. ** [https://nos.nl/nieuwsuur/artikel/2402214-hoe-de-franse-trump-eric-zemmour-de-politiek-op-zijn-kop-zet How the 'French Trump' Éric Zemmour is turning politics upside down.] ==See also== * [[Donald Trump on social media]] * [[Donald Trump Jr.]] * [[Impeachment of Donald Trump]] * [[List of presidents of the United States]] * [[Presidency of Donald Trump]] * [[Racial views of Donald Trump]] * [[Russian interference in the 2016 United States elections]] * [[2020 United States presidential election]] == External links== {{Sister project links|w=Donald Trump|wikt=no|b=no|s=Author:Donald Trump|commons=Donald Trump|n=Donald Trump|v=no|species=no|d=Q22686|voy=no|m=no|mw=no}} * [https://www.donaldjtrump.com/ Official website] * [https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2017/06/23/opinion/trumps-lies.html "Trump's Lies"] by [[w:David Leonhardt|David Leonhardt]] and Stuart A. Thompson - a catalog of "nearly every outright lie he has told publicly" in his first five months in office, in ''{{w|The New York Times}}'' (23 June 2017) {{Authority control}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Trump, Donald}} [[Category:1946 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Presidents of the United States]] [[Category:Businesspeople from New York City]] [[Category:Politicians from New York City]] [[Category:Politicians from Florida]] [[Category:Presbyterians from the United States]] [[Category:Nationalists]] [[Category:Memoirists from the United States]] [[Category:Non-fiction authors from the United States]] [[Category:Television personalities]] [[Category:Television producers]] [[Category:Producers from the United States]] [[Category:Donald Trump| ]] [[Category:United States presidential candidates, 2016]] [[Category:United States presidential candidates, 2000]] [[Category:Conspiracy theorists]] [[Category:Republican Party (United States) politicians]] [[Category:University of Pennsylvania alumni]] [[Category:Businesspeople in real estate]] [[fi:Donald Trump]] [[Category:United States presidential candidates, 2024]] [[Category:People charged with crimes]] d12bueie5yackbj4zl7iobxamk0tuy0 3779019 3778898 2025-07-15T03:27:46Z Chacowalker 3193982 /* July 2025 */ Beginning to dawn on him Putin doesn't want to end the war 3779019 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Donald Trump official portrait.jpg|thumb|And I wanna just thank everybody and in particular, God. I wanna just say, ‘We love you God, and we love our great military – protect them.’ God bless the Middle East, God bless Israel, and God bless America[https://www.aljazeera.com/amp/opinions/2025/7/2/did-god-want-trump-to-bomb-iran ]]][[File:Donald Trump by Gage Skidmore.jpg|thumb|I stand before you now as proof that you should never believe that something is impossible to do. In America, the impossible is what we do best... We will stand bravely, we will live proudly, we will dream boldly, and nothing will stand in our way because we are Americans.]][[File:TrumpPortrait.jpg|thumb| I believe it is God’s job to sit in judgment; my job, to defend America and to promote the fundamental interests of stability, prosperity, and peace. [https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2025/05/trump-immoral-world-order/682826/ ]]][[File:Cabinet Meeting (49092290281).jpg|thumb| They let — I think the real number is 15, 16 million people into our country. When they do that, we got a lot of work to do. They’re poisoning the blood of our country.[https://variety.com/2024/biz/news/donald-trump-god-rnc-nomination-1236077838/]|alt=File:Main-qimg-021d8d22e0438179020144bbb4821733.jpg]][[File:Shinzo Abe and Donald Trump playing golf.jpg|thumb| That's one of the nice things. I mean, part of the beauty of me is that I'm very rich. So if I need $600 million, I can put $600 million myself. That's a huge advantage. I must tell you, that's a huge advantage over the other candidates.[https://nypost.com/2024/07/25/us-news/trump-hopes-us-obliterates-iran-if-hes-assassinated-by-the-american-adversary/]]] [[File:This was the President Donald Trump's first trip aboard Air Force One (cropped).jpg|thumb|I know the best people. To me, it's all about people. You got to have the right people. When we have the right people, it runs beautifully[https://www.foxnews.com/media/trump-tells-bronx-barbershop-what-he-would-do-differently-elected-second-time-its-all-about-people]]] '''[[w:Donald Trump|Donald John Trump]]''' (born [[June 14]], [[1946]]) is an American [[w:Political career of Donald Trump|politician]], [[w:Media career of Donald Trump|media personality]], and [[w:Business career of Donald Trump|businessman]] who has served as the [[w:List of presidents of the United States|47th]] [[President of the United States|president]] of the [[United States|United States of America]] since January 20, 2025. He previously served as the 45th president from 2017 to 2021. :See also: ::'''''[[Donald Trump on social media]]''''' ::'''''[[Presidency of Donald Trump]]''''' ::'''''[[Racial views of Donald Trump]]''''' ::'''''[[Trumpism]]''''' ==Quotes== ===1980s=== * '''Rona Barrett''': If you lost your fortune today, what would you do tomorrow?<br>'''Donald Trump''': Maybe I’d run for president. I don’t know. ** An [https://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-stat/graphics/politics/trump-archive/docs/rona-barrett-1980-interview-of-donald-trump.pdf interview] with [[w:Rona Barrett|Rona Barrett]] (1980) * '''Rona Barrett''': Would you like to be the [[President of the United States]]?<br>'''Donald Trump''': I really don't believe I would, Rona. But I would like to see somebody as the president who could do the job, and there are very capable people in this country.<br>'''Barrett''': Why wouldn't you dedicate yourself to public service?<br>'''Trump''': Because I think it's a very mean life. I would love, and I would dedicate my life to this country but I see it as being a mean life, and I also see it in somebody with strong views, and somebody with the kind of views that are maybe a little bit unpopular, which may be right, but may be unpopular, wouldn't necessarily have a chance of getting elected against somebody with no great brain but a big smile. ** An [https://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-stat/graphics/politics/trump-archive/docs/rona-barrett-1980-interview-of-donald-trump.pdf interview] with [[w:Rona Barrett|Rona Barrett]] (1980) * '''Rona Barrett''': How would you like to be remembered?<br>'''Donald Trump''': Well, as somebody that’s contributed something to the United States and to the [[New York City|City of New York]], and to the various other places that I’m going, and somebody that’s done a little bit better than other people at what he does. ** An [https://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-stat/graphics/politics/trump-archive/docs/rona-barrett-1980-interview-of-donald-trump.pdf interview] with [[w:Rona Barrett|Rona Barrett]] (1980) * I said, 'I will build you this incredible, gorgeous, gleaming hotel. I will put people to work in the construction trades and save hotel [[jobs]] and the Grand Central area will come around.' So the city made the deal. ** {{citation |title=The Empire and Ego of Donald Trump |journal=The New York Times |date=August 7, 1983 |first=Marilyn |last=Bender |url=http://www.nytimes.com/1983/08/07/business/the-empire-and-ego-of-donald-trump.html }} * "Give them the old Trump bullshit," he told the architect Der Scutt before a presentation of the [[w:Trump Tower|Trump Tower]] design at a press conference in 1980. "Tell them it is going to be a million square feet, sixty-eight stories." ** [[Marie Brenner]] "After the Gold Rush", ''[[w:Vanity Fair (magazine)|Vanity Fair]]'' (September 1, 1990) * Some people have an ability to [[negotiate]]. It's an [[art]] you're basically born with. You either have it or you don't. * It would take an hour-and-a-half to learn everything there is to learn about missiles. I think I know most of it anyway. You're talking about just getting updated on a situation ** {{citation |title=Donald Trump, Holding All The Cards The Tower! The Team! The Money! The Future! |journal=Washington Post |date=November 15, 1984 |first=Lois |last=Romano |url=https://www.washingtonpost.com/pb/archive/lifestyle/1984/11/15/donald-trump-holding-all-the-cards-the-tower-the-team-the-money-the-future/8be79254-7793-4812-a153-f2b88e81fa54/?resType=accessibility }}, talking about his desire to be involved in negotiations with the then Soviet Union * I have featured and will always continue to feature my name prominently in all my [[enterprises]]. **''[[w:Business Week|Business Week]]'' (July 22, 1985) * I look at things for the art sake and the beauty sake and for the deal sake. **''[[w:New York (magazine)|New York]]'' (July 11, 1988), p. 24 * I'm not big on [[compromise]]. I understand compromise. Sometimes compromise is the right answer, but oftentimes compromise is the equivalent of [[Failure|defeat]], and I don't like being defeated. **''[[w:Life (magazine)|Life]]'', Vol. 12 (January 1989), p. iii * [[Ed Koch|Mayor Koch]] has stated that hate and rancor should be removed from our hearts. I do not think so. **[http://assets.nydailynews.com/polopoly_fs/1.1838466.1403324800!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/article_970/trump21n-1-web.jpg "Bring Back the Death Penalty. Bring Back Our Police!"] An advert taken out by Trump in the [[w:New York Daily News|''New York Daily News'']] and other newspapers in the wake of the arrests of the [[wikipedia:Central Park jogger case|Central Park Five]] (whose convictions were eventually {{w|vacate}}d once the real perpetrator was identified in 2002) (May 1, 1989) * How can [[w:Society of the United States|our great society]] tolerate the continued brutalization of [[w:Citizenship of the United States|its citizens]] by crazed misfits? [[w:Crime in the United States|Criminals]] must be told that their [[w:Civil liberties in the United States|CIVIL LIBERTIES]] END WHEN AN ATTACK ON OUR SAFETY BEGINS! **[http://assets.nydailynews.com/polopoly_fs/1.1838466.1403324800!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/article_970/trump21n-1-web.jpg "Bring Back the Death Penalty. Bring Back Our Police!"] An advert taken out by Trump in the ''New York Daily News'' and other newspapers in the wake of the arrests of the [[wikipedia:Central Park jogger case|Central Park Five]] (whose convictions were eventually {{w|vacate}}d once the real perpetrator was identified in 2002) (May 1, 1989) * Let [[w:Politics of the United States|our politicians]] give back our [[w:New York City Police Department|police department]]'s power to keep us safe. Unshackle them from the constant chant of "[[w:Police brutality in the United States|police brutality]]" which every [[w:Misdemeanor|petty criminal]] hurls immediately at an officer who has just risked his or her life to save another's. ** [http://assets.nydailynews.com/polopoly_fs/1.1838466.1403324800!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/article_970/trump21n-1-web.jpg "Bring Back the Death Penalty. Bring Back Our Police!"] An advert taken out by Trump in the New York Daily News and other newspapers in the wake of the arrests of the [[wikipedia:Central Park jogger case|Central Park Five]] (whose convictions were eventually {{w|vacate}}d once the real perpetrator was identified in 2002) (May 1, 1989) * Of course I hate these people and let's all hate these people because maybe hate is what we need if we're gonna get something done. ** In [http://www.cnn.com/2016/10/07/politics/trump-larry-king-central-park-five/index.html 1989 interview] with {{W|Larry King}}, about the [[wikipedia:Central Park jogger case|Central Park Five]] (who was later found to have been wrongfully convicted) * I like to hire people that I've seen in action. I often hire people that were on the opposing side of a deal that I respect. **''[[w:The Washington Post|The Washington Post]]'' (September 23, 1989), as quoted in ''The World According to Trump'' (2005) by Ken Lawrence, p. 25 * I think if this country gets any kinder or gentler, it's literally going to cease to exist. **''[[w:Playboy (magazine)|Playboy]]'' (March 1990) ====''[[w:Trump: The Art of the Deal|Trump: The Art of the Deal]]'' (1987)==== :<small>'''From ''Trump: The Art of the Deal'' (1987) by Donald J. Trump with [[Tony Schwartz (author)|Tony Schwartz]].'''</small> * I don't do it for the [[money]]. I've got enough, much more than I'll ever [[need]]. I do it to do it. Deals are my art form. Other people paint beautifully on canvas or write wonderful poetry. I like making deals, preferably big deals. That's how I get my kicks. ** p. 1 * I try to [[learn]] from the [[past]], but I plan for the [[future]] by focusing exclusively on the [[present]]. ** p. 2 * Sometimes it pays to be a little wild. ** p. 5 * Experience taught me a few things. One is to listen to your gut, no matter how good something sounds on paper. The second is that you're generally better off sticking with what you know. And the third is that '''sometimes your best [[investments]] are the ones you don't make.''' ** p. 28 * My [[philosophy]] is always to hire the best from the best. ** p. 31 * Deal-making is an ability you're born with. It's in the genes. ** p. 45 * I like thinking big. I always have. To me it's very simple: if you're going to be thinking anyway, you might as well think big. Most people think small, because most people are afraid of success, afraid of making decisions, afraid of winning. And that gives people like me a great advantage. ** p. 46 * I wasn't [[satisfied]] just to earn a good living. I was looking to make a statement. ** p. 47 * People think I'm a [[gambler]]. I've never gambled in my life. To me, a gambler is someone who plays slot machines. I prefer to own slot machines. It's a very good [[business]] being the house. ** p. 48 * The point is that you can't be too [[Greed|greedy]]. ** p. 48 * I'm a great believer in [[asking]] everyone for an [[opinion]] before I make a [[decision]]. ... I ask and I ask and I ask, until I begin to get a gut feeling about something. And that's when I make a decision. I have learned much more from conducting my own random surveys than I could ever have learned from the greatest of consulting firms. ** pp. 51–52 * The worst thing you can possibly do in a deal is seem desperate to make it. That makes the other guy smell blood, and then you're dead. The best thing you can do is deal from strength, and leverage is the biggest strength you can have. Leverage is having something the other guy wants. Or better yet, needs. Or best of all, simply can't do without. Unfortunately, that isn't always the case, which is why leverage often requires imagination, and salesmanship. ** p. 53 * The final key to the way I promote is bravado. I play to people's fantasies. People may not always think big themselves, but they can still get very excited by those who do. That's why a little hyperbole never hurts. People want to believe that something is the biggest and the greatest and the most spectacular. I call it truthful hyperbole. It's an innocent form of exaggeration—and a very effective form of promotion. ** p. 58 * My experience is that if you're fighting for something you believe in—even if it means alienating some people along the way—things usually work out for the best in the end. ** p. 59 * One of the problems when you become successful is that jealousy and envy inevitably follow. There are people—I categorize them as life's losers—who get their sense of accomplishment and achievement from trying to stop others. As far as I'm concerned, if they had any real ability they wouldn't be fighting me, they'd be doing something constructive themselves. ** p. 59 * '''You can't con people, at least not for long. You can create excitement, you can do wonderful promotion and get all kinds of press, and you can throw in a little hyperbole. But if you don't deliver the goods, people will eventually catch on.''' ** p. 60 [[File:Trump_1987.jpg|thumb|205x205px|Money was never a big motivation for me, except as a way to keep score. The real excitement is playing the game.]] * '''[[Money]] was never a big [[motivation]] for me, except as a way to keep score. The real excitement is playing the [[game]].''' ** p. 63 * Get in, get it done, get it done right, and get out. ** p. 65 * The most important thing in life is to [[love]] what you're doing, because that's the only way you'll ever be really good at it. ** p. 67 * You can't be [[scared]]. You do your thing, you hold your ground, you stand up tall, and whatever happens, happens. ** p. 89 * [[w:Mary Anne MacLeod Trump|My own mother]] was a housewife all her life. And yet it's turned out that I've hired a lot of [[women]] for top jobs, and they've been among my best people. Often, in fact, they are far more effective than the [[men]] around them. ** p. 173 * In the end, you're measured not by how much you undertake but by what you finally accomplish. ** p. 355 * What I admire most are people who put themselves directly on the line. ** p. 367 * In my life, there are two things I've found I'm very good at: overcoming obstacles and motivating good people to do their best work. ** p. 367 ===1990=== [[File:Universal_health_care.svg|thumb|I'm very [[liberal]] when it comes to [[health care]]. I believe in {{w|universal health care}}. I believe in whatever it takes to make people well and better.]] [[File:Goddess_of_Democracy_at_UBC.jpg|thumb|upright|When the students poured into Tiananmen Square, the Chinese government almost blew it. Then they were vicious, they were horrible, but [[w:Tiananmen Square protests of 1989|they put it down with strength]]. That shows you the power of strength.]] * What separates the winners from the losers is how a person reacts to each new twist of fate. ** ''Trump: Surviving at the Top'' (1990), p. 3 *She turned out to be the wife of a man who was then the prime minister of a major country. I'd heard stories about this lady, but I never thought much of them until that night. We met at the house of the friend who'd phoned me. After we'd all chatted for a while in the living room, the four of us who already knew each other drifted out to the kitchen, leaving Ben and Madame X in the living room to get better acquainted. Which they did. In fact, when we drifted back in, about ten minutes later, she and Ben were involved in an incredibly torrid scene on the couch. I remember standing there and thinking to myself, "Well, Donald, you're not in Queens anymore." ** ''Trump: Surviving at the Top'' (1990), p. 52 * "When a man leaves a woman, especially when it was perceived that he has left for a piece of ass—a good one!—there are 50 percent of the population who will love the woman who was left," he told me. ** {{citation |date=September 1, 1990|title=After the Gold Rush |periodical=Vanity Fair |url=https://www.vanityfair.com/magazine/2015/07/donald-ivana-trump-divorce-prenup-marie-brenner}} by [[Marie Brenner]] * "I want five children, like in my own family, because with five, then I will know that one will be guaranteed to turn out like me," Donald told a close friend. ** {{citation |date=September 1, 1990 |author=Marie Brenner |title=After the Gold Rush |periodical=Vanity Fair |url=https://www.vanityfair.com/magazine/2015/07/donald-ivana-trump-divorce-prenup-marie-brenner}} * Very good question. (pause) I don't think it's a sin but I don't think it should be done. ** in response to the question, "Is [[adultery]] a sin." ** in the ''[[New York Post]]'' (February 23, 1990), as [http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2016/10/30/donald-trump-in-1990-adultery-is-not-a-sin.html archived at ''the Daily Beast''] * [[Leona Helmsley]] is a truly evil human being. She treated employees worse than any human being I've ever witnessed and I've dealt with some of the toughest human beings alive. ** {{citation |year=1990 |month=March |author=Glenn Plaskin |title=The Playboy Interview with Donald Trump |periodical={{w|Playboy}} |url=https://www.playboy.com/read/playboy-interview-donald-trump-1990}} * When [[1989 Tiananmen Square protests|the students poured into Tiananmen Square]], the {{w|Chinese government}} almost blew it. Then they were vicious, they were horrible, but they put it down with strength. That shows you the power of strength. ** {{citation |year=1990 |month=March |author=Glenn Plaskin |title=The Playboy Interview with Donald Trump |periodical={{w|Playboy}} |url=https://www.playboy.com/read/playboy-interview-donald-trump-1990}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2016-10-20 |title=Bury Trump in a Landslide |periodical={{w|New York Daily News}} |url=http://interactive.nydailynews.com/2016/10/daily-news-editorial-bury-trump-in-landslide/}} * I said to the [[bankers]], "Listen, fellows, if I have a problem, then you have a problem. We have to find a way out or it's going to be a difficult time for both of us." ** ''Fortune'' (August 13, 1990), as quoted in ''The World According to Trump'' (2005) by Ken Lawrence, p. 44 ** Cf. [[J. Paul Getty]]: "If you owe the bank $100, that's your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that's the bank's problem." ===1991=== * You know, it doesn't really matter what the media writes as long as you've got a young and beautiful piece of ass. ** [http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/news/a24057/donald-trump-presidential-run-2016-072913/ Esquire Interview] (1991) ===1992=== * You have to treat 'em [women] like s--- {{sic}} ** Reported in {{cite news |title=Fighting Back: Trump Scrambles off the Canvas |first=Julie |last=Baumgold |work=New York |volume=25 |number=44 |date=1992-11-09 |page=43 |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=BeUCAAAAMBAJ&q=%22trump+is+talking+about+women+and+says%22#v=snippet&q=%22trump%20is%20talking%20about%20women%20and%20says%22&f=false}}. Bowdlerization in the original. * Wow! Just think — in a couple of years I'll be dating you. ** to two 14-year-old girls in 1992 ** from the {{w|Chicago Tribune}}, as archived at [http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2016/10/13/in_1992_trump_told_two_14_year_old_girls_in_a_couple_of_years_i_ll_be_dating.html Slate] * He's a good guy, and he's not going to hurt anybody. . . . He treated his wife well and . . . he will treat Marla well. :Actresses, people that you write about just call to see if they can go out with him and things. :I mean, he's living with Marla and he's got three other girlfriends. :He does things for himself. When he makes a decision, that will be a very lucky woman. :* Speaking about himself under the pseudonym of [[w:Pseudonyms of Donald Trump#"John Miller" (1991)|John Miller]] in [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-politics/wp/2016/05/13/transcript-the-full-text-of-john-miller-interview-about-donald-trump-with-people-reporter/?tid=a_inl a 1991 interview with a ''People'' reporter], [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-politics/wp/2016/05/13/transcript-the-full-text-of-john-miller-interview-about-donald-trump-with-people-reporter/?tid=a_inl Donald Trump masqueraded as publicist to brag about himself], Washington Post * I'm gonna be dating her in ten years. ** of a 10-year-old girl, in 1992 ** {{citation |date=2016-10-13 |author=Emily Schultheis |title=More allegations, questionable Trump comments on women surface |periodical=CBS News |url=http://www.cbsnews.com/news/more-unearthed-footage-trump-says-of-10-year-old-i-am-going-to-be-dating-her-in-10-years/}} ===1993=== * '''Howard Stern''': So, you treat women with respect?<br>'''Donald Trump''': Uh, I can't say that either.<br>'''Stern''': Alright, good. ** An interview on ''[[w:The Howard Stern Show|The Howard Stern Show]]'', 1993 * You know, if you’re young, and in this era, and if you have any guilt about not having gone to Vietnam, we have our own Vietnam—it’s called the dating game... Dating is like being in Vietnam. You’re the equivalent of a soldier going over to Vietnam. ** An interview on ''The Howard Stern Show'', 1993, [https://people.com/politics/trump-boasted-of-avoiding-stds-while-dating-vaginas-are-landmines-it-was-my-personal-vietnam/ archived by ''People''] *I am not a {{w|law enforcement officer}}. I am not supposed to be going around checking {{w|Indian reservation}}s. That is what you have [[w:Federal Bureau of Investigation#Indian reservations|the FBI for]], and they are very capable, the most capable. **Oversight Hearing Before the Subcommittee on Native American Affairs of the Committee on Natural Resources, House of Representatives, October 5, 1993: In ''Implementation of Indian Gaming Regulatory Act: Oversight Hearing Before the Subcommittee on Native American Affairs of the Committee on Natural Resources, House of Representatives, One Hundred Third Congress ... Public Law 100-497, the Indian Gaming Regulatory Act of 1988'', Part 5, page 187 ===1994=== * Well, I think that she's got a lot of [[w:Marla Maples|Marla]] [Maples, Trump's second wife], she's a really beautiful baby, and she's got Marla's legs. We don't know whether she's got this part yet [gestures toward own chest], but time will tell... ** [http://www.slate.com/blogs/the_slatest/2016/04/06/video_donald_trump_on_his_one_year_old_daughter_s_brests.html On his then-one year old daughter Tiffany], ''Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous'', 1994 *Everybody's always blaming me for everything. **16 May 1994 in "For Sale by Owner" s4e24 of "Fresh Prince of Bel-Air", [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_wcNmQ_hEk&t=70 video here] ===1996=== * Let's make a deal; if you promise not to get "personal" with me, I will promise not to show you as the crude, fat and obnoxious slob which everyone knows you are. Sincerely, Donald J. Trump. ** [http://www.palmbeachdailynews.com/lifestyles/before-twitter-name-calling-letter-from-donald-trump/KaGSV40cQnefESyXhe5CuN/ Letter to journalist Shannon Donnelly], 1996 ===1997=== *“It’s amazing, I can’t even believe it. I’ve been so lucky in terms of that whole world, it is a dangerous world out there. It’s like Vietnam, sort of. It is my personal Vietnam. I feel like a great and very brave solider” **speaking of having [[sex]] and referring to women's genitals as “potential landmines”. ** An interview on ''The Howard Stern Show'', 1997, [https://people.com/politics/trump-boasted-of-avoiding-stds-while-dating-vaginas-are-landmines-it-was-my-personal-vietnam/ archived by ''People''] ===1999=== * I'm [[w:Conservatism in the United States|conservative]], and even very [[conservative]]. But I'm quite [[w:Liberalism in the United States|liberal]] and getting much more [[w:Healthcare reform debate in the United States#Liberal arguments|liberal on health care]] and other things. I really say: What's the purpose of a country if you're not going to have defensive and [[health care]]? If you can't take care of your sick in the country, forget it, it's all over. I mean, it's no good. So I'm very liberal when it comes to health care. I believe in {{w|universal health care}}. I believe in whatever it takes to make people well and better. ** [http://edition.cnn.com/ALLPOLITICS/stories/1999/10/08/trump.transcript/ Interview with Larry King] ''CNN'' (October 1999) * I surround myself with the best people. I know the best people. ** On an interview (1999 November 26) * The part of my life I think I'm most disappointed in is that I have not had the great marriage. And I would have thought that would have happened, because I came from a home—you know, it's not like some of my [[Friend|friends]], they get divorced, but their parents were divorced twice or three times. I came from a home where marriage was just incredible. I mean, my parents truly loved each other. ** ''Good Morning America'' (2 December 1999), as quoted in ''The World According to Trump'' (2005) by Ken Lawrence, p. 46 * I'm on the conservative side, but [[Pat Buchanan|[Pat] Buchanan]] is [[Attila]] the Hun. ** As quoted in ''Selected Quotes from Newsweek Magazine, 1999'' — {{cite web |url=https://web.archive.org/web/20001015150910/http://www.sph.umich.edu/~rwatt/old_nw3.htm |title=Richard Watanabe - Newsweek Quotes, 1999 |publisher=Sph.umich.edu |date= |accessdate=2010-06-13}} * People want me to [run for president] all the time … I don't like it. Can you imagine how controversial I'd be? You think about him ''[Bill Clinton]'' and the women. How about me with the women? Can you imagine? ** On ''{{W|Hardball with Chris Matthews}}'', as quoted in {{citation |date=1999-07-12 |author=Deborah Orin |title=Trump ‘toys’ with prez run |periodical={{w|New York Post}} |url=http://nypost.com/1999/07/12/trump-toys-with-prez-run}} ===2000=== * I generally oppose [[w:Gun control in the United States|gun control]], but I support the ban on [[assault weapon]]s. **{{cite book |title=[[w:The America We Deserve|The America We Deserve]] |authorlink1=w:Donald Trump |first1=Donald |last1=Trump |first2=Dave |last2=Shiflett |year=2000 |publisher=[[w:Renaissance Books|Renaissance Books]] |isbn=1580631312}}; {{cite news |title=Trump's Evolving Positions on Gun Issues |first1=Linda |last1=Qiu |first2=Kitty |last2=Bennett |date=March 12, 2018 |newspaper=[[w:The New York Times|The New York Times]] |accessdate=September 6, 2018 |url=https://www.nytimes.com/2018/03/12/us/politics/trump-evolving-positions-gun-issues.html}} * So the [[wikipedia:Reform Party of the United States of America|Reform Party]] now includes a Klansman, Mr. [[David Duke|Duke]], a [[neo-Nazi]], Mr. Buchanan, and a [[communist]], [[w:Lenora Fulani|Ms. Fulani]]. This is not company I wish to keep. ** As quoted in {{cite news |last= |first= |date=14 February 2000 |title=QUOTATION OF THE DAY |url=http://www.nytimes.com/2000/02/14/nyregion/quotation-of-the-day-815233.html |newspaper=The New York Times |location= |access-date= }}<!--{{cite news |last1=Kaczynski |first1=Andrew |last2=Massie| first2=Christopher |date= Aug. 26, 2015, at 11:27 p.m. |title=Top Racists And Neo-Nazis Back Donald Trump |url=http://www.buzzfeed.com/andrewkaczynski/meet-the-prominent-white-nationalists-fired-up-to-support-do#.vuV8WvAdp |newspaper=BuzzFeed News |location= |access-date= }}--> * I judge people based on their capability, honesty, and merit. ** [https://books.google.com/books?id=smMEAAAAMBAJ&pg=PA23&dq=%22Trump%20towers%22 "Trump towers"], interview with Paul Alexander, ''The Advocate'' (15 February 2000), p. 23 * It's very possible that I could be the first [[w:United States presidential election|presidential candidate]] to run and make money on it. ** Reported by Jerry Useem, [http://fortune.com/2000/04/03/what-does-donald-trump-really-want/ "What Does Donald Trump Really Want?"], ''Fortune'', 3 April 2000. ===2002=== * I think the regulations are very tough, but I think they could be made tougher. And where they really have to be made tougher is when somebody is proven [[w:Unfair business practices|to be dishonest]], not a mistake, not an honest mistake because look, people make bad business deals all the time. When somebody is proven to be dishonest, really harsh punishment has to take place. **''[[w:Hardball with Chris Matthews|Hardball with Chris Matthews]]'' (15 July 2002), as quoted in ''The World According to Trump'' (2005) by Ken Lawrence, p. 23 * '''[[Howard Stern]]''': Are you for [[w:2003 invasion of Iraq|the invasion of Iraq]]? * '''Donald Trump''': Yeah, I guess so. I wish, uh, I wish [[Gulf War|the first time]] it was done correctly. ** Interview on [[wikipedia:The Howard Stern Show|Howard Stern Show]] (11 September 2002), reported by ''[https://www.buzzfeed.com/andrewkaczynski/in-2002-donald-trump-said-he-supported-invading-iraq-on-the? BuzzFeed]'' (19 February 2016) * I've known Jeff for fifteen years. Terrific guy. He's a lot of fun to be with. It is even said that he likes beautiful women as much as I do, and many of them are on the younger side. No doubt about it — Jeffrey enjoys his social life. ** On [[w:Jeffrey Epstein|Jeffrey Epstein]]. Quoted in ''[https://nymag.com/nymetro/news/people/n_7912/ New York]'', 28 October 2002. * I don't know how you do it. I've put together some really impressive deals, but this thing you've pulled off, it's amazing: a Big N' Tasty for just a dollar. How do you do it? What's your secret? Together Grimace, we could own this town. ** Trump's lines in a [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4QNXnNftWk McDonald's advert] (2002), quoted in {{citation|date=2019-01-15|author=Rachel Desantis|title=Donald Trump’s lifelong love of fast food, from his 2002 McDonald’s commercial to ‘hamberders’|periodical=New York Daily News|url=https://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/ny-news-donald-trump-has-always-loved-fast-food-20190115-story.html}} ===2003=== * I love beautiful women, and beautiful women love me. It has to be both ways. ** Interview with Norwegian talk show host [[wikipedia:Fredrik Skavlan|Fredrik Skavlan]] in (November 2003).{{fix cite}}<!-- published/quoted where? --> ===2004=== * Now, if your boss is a sadist, then you have a big problem. In that case, fire your boss and get a new job. ** ''Trump: How to Get Rich'' (2004) * If you don't tell people about your success, they probably won't know about it. ** ''Trump: How to Get Rich'' (2004), p. xiii * Get going. Move forward. Aim high. Plan for a takeoff. Don't just sit on the runway and hope someone will come along and push the airplane. It simply won't happen. Change your attitude and gain some altitude. Believe me, you'll love it up here. ** ''Trump: How to Get Rich'' (2004), p. 74 * In business—every business—the bottom line is understanding the process. If you don't understand the process, you'll never reap the rewards of the process. ** ''Trump: How to Get Rich'' (2004), p. 86 * Watch, listen, and learn. You can't know it all yourself—anyone who thinks that they do is destined for mediocrity. ** ''Trump: The Way to the Top: The Best Business Advice I Ever Received'' (2004), p. 20 * I don't like firing people. It's not a pleasant thing and it's sad. ... In some cases, it's a terrible, terrible situation for the person who gets fired, how strongly they take it. So it's not something that any rational or sane person can love doing, but it also happens to be a fact of life in business. ** ''Boston Herald'' (7 January 2004), as quoted in ''The World According to Trump'' (2005) by Ken Lawrence, p. 16 * People say, "Do you have the same opportunity today as you had years ago?" And I said, "Absolutely." You always have an opportunity. There's always an opportunity, especially in this country. ** [http://edition.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0403/21/le.00.html Late Edition with Wolf Blitzer], ''CNN'' (21 March 2004) * All of the women on [[w:The Apprentice (U.S. TV series)|''The Apprentice'']] flirted with me - consciously or unconsciously. That's to be expected. **[http://www.nydailynews.com/archives/gossip/donald-cuomo-mario-fired-article-1.612165 Ny Daily News] (24 March 2004) * ''[On "You're fired!":]'' There's a beauty in those two words. When you utter those words, there's very little that can be said. There's a succinctness to those words. ** {{citation |title=Trump TV / 'The Apprentice' takes realistic inside look at corporate world |journal=San Francisco Chronicle |date=2004-03-28 |first=David |last=Armstrong |url=http://www.sfgate.com/business/article/Trump-TV-The-Apprentice-takes-realistic-2802491.php }} * My life is seeing everything in terms of "How would ''I'' handle that?" '''Look at the [[Iraq War|war in Iraq]] and the mess that we're in. I would never have handled it that way.''' Does anybody really believe that Iraq is going to be a wonderful democracy where people are going to run down to the voting box and gently put in their ballot and the winner is happily going to step up to lead the county? C'mon. Two minutes after we leave, there's going to be a [[revolution]], and the meanest, toughest, smartest, most vicious guy will take over. And he'll have [[w:Iraq and weapons of mass destruction|weapons of mass destruction]], which [[Saddam Hussein|Saddam]] didn't have. '''What was the purpose of this whole thing? Hundreds and hundreds of young people killed. And what about the people coming back with no arms and legs? Not to mention the other side. All those Iraqi kids who've been blown to pieces. And it turns out that all of the reasons for the war were blatantly wrong. All this for nothing!''' ** ''Esquire'' magazine (August 2004); [http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/interviews/a37230/donald-trump-esquire-cover-story-august-2004/ "Donald Trump: How I'd Run the Country (Better)" (18 August 2015)] * Pregnancy is "a wonderful thing for the woman, it's a wonderful thing for the husband, it's certainly an inconvenience for a business." ** About pregnancy (2004) * The concept of shaking hands is absolutely terrible, and statistically I’ve been proven right. ** Playboy, 2004 [https://eu.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/onpolitics/2016/06/14/donald-trump-70-birthday-quotes/85619552/] * In many cases, I probably identify more as Democrat. It just seems that the [[economy]] does better under the [[Democrats]] than the [[Republicans]]. Now, it shouldn't be that way. But if you go back, I mean it just seems that the economy does better under the Democrats. ...But certainly we had some very good economies under Democrats, as well as Republicans. But we've had some pretty bad [[disaster]] under the Republicans. ** Said in an interview with CNN's [[Wolf Blitzer]], as quoted by {{citation |title=Trump in '04: 'I probably identify more as Democrat' | journal=CNN | author=Chris Moody | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2015/07/21/politics/donald-trump-election-democrat/index.html }} ===2005=== * I'll go backstage, before a show, and everyone's getting dressed and ready and everything else. And you know, no men are anywhere. And I'm allowed to go in because I'm the owner of the pageant and therefore I'm inspecting it. You know I'm inspecting, I want to make sure everything is good, the dresses, "Is everyone OK?", you know they're standing there with no clothes, "Is everybody OK?", and you see these incredible-looking women, and so I sort of get away with things like that. ** [https://soundcloud.com/user-735086019/101g1 Comments about his ownership of Miss Universe on the Howard Stern Show] (11 April 2005) * They had a person who was extremely proud that a number of the women had become doctors. And I wasn't interested. ** [https://soundcloud.com/user-735086019/101g1 Comments about his ownership of Miss Universe on the Howard Stern Show] (11 April 2005) * I did try and fuck her. She was married. '''I moved on her like a bitch, but I couldn't get there.''' And she was married. Then all of a sudden I see her, she's now got the big phony tits and everything. She's totally changed her look. I've gotta use some [[w:Tic Tacs|Tic Tacs]], just in case I start kissing her. You know, I'm automatically attracted to beautiful — I just start kissing them. It's like a magnet. '''Just kiss. I don't even wait. When you're a star, they let you do it. You can do anything... Grab 'em by the pussy. You can do anything.''' ** To {{w|Billy Bush}} in 2005; [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/08/us/donald-trump-tape-transcript.html "Transcript: Donald Trump's Taped Comments About Women"], ''The New York Times'' (8 October 2016) ===2006=== * It would be really disappointing — not really — but it would depend on what’s inside the magazine. I don’t think Ivanka would do that, although she does have a very nice figure. I’ve said if Ivanka weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her. ** On 7 March 2006 during an appearance on the daytime talk show ''[[w:The View (talk show)|The View]]'' while discussing the possibility of [[Ivanka Trump]]’s posing for ''[[Playboy]]'' magazine. As quoted in ''[https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/donald-trump-date-daughter/ Did Donald Trump Say He’d Like to Date His Daughter?]'' by Dan Evon, 10 July 2015, ''{{w|Snopes}}'', and quoted with video clip in {{citation|date=2016-10-10|author=Adam Withnall|title=Donald Trump's unsettling record of comments about his daughter Ivanka|periodical=The Independent|location=UK|url=https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-elections/donald-trump-ivanka-trump-creepiest-most-unsettling-comments-a-roundup-a7353876.html}} * I thought today's women were independent and had a lot of sexual freedom. ... Well, I guess they fooled me. ** In April 2006, about women's disaproval of {{w|one-night stand}}s. As quoted in ''[https://www.marketwatch.com/story/trump-on-clinton-in-2008-shed-make-a-good-president-2016-07-11 Trump on Clinton in 2008: ‘She'd make a good president']'' (July 11, 2016) by Michael Rothfield and {{w|Mark Maremont}}, ''{{w|MarketWatch}}''. * '''Jon Ward:''' There's a lot of talk, which you no doubt heard too, about a sort of [[real estate]] bubble. What's your take on that pessimism? * '''Donald Trump:''' Well, first of all, I sort of hope that happens because then people like me would go in and buy. ** ''How to Build a Fortune'' (2006), Trump University audiobook, quoted in {{citation|date=2016-05-19|author=Jeremy Diamond|title=Donald Trump in 2006: I 'sort of hope' real estate market tanks|periodical=CNN|url=https://www.cnn.com/2016/05/19/politics/donald-trump-2006-hopes-real-estate-market-crashes/index.html}} * No, I have no age — I mean, I have age limit. I don't want to be like Congressman Foley, with, you know, 12-year-olds, ** [https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/donald-trump-howard-stern-tapes-women-35_uk_57fa46e1e4b01fa2b904368b Donald Trump Howard Stern Tapes Show Him Saying 35 Is 'Check-Out Time' For Women And Agreeing His Daughter Is A 'Piece Of Ass'] (2006) When asked if he has an age limit for women he'll sleep with. ===2007=== * Since I love what I do, I do it vigorously and I do it better. Because I inject it with enthusiasm and passion, it doesn't feel like work. My passion spills over to everyone around me and motivates them to do their very best. ** ''[https://books.google.com/books?id=uuR61zcvMTgC&pg=PA1&lpg=PA1&dq=%22since+I+LOVE+WHAT+I+DO,+I+DO+IT+VIGOROUSLY%22&source=bl&ots=ko6GrZPr-e&sig=x3zLQ1fWbNJIrx-7M0CzI-zPljg&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjuncTq2OvRAhXCLMAKHTzHDNwQ6AEIGjAA#v=onepage&q=%22since%20I%20LOVE%20WHAT%20I%20DO%2C%20I%20DO%20IT%20VIGOROUSLY%22&f=false Trump 101 The Way to Success]'' (2007), p. 1 * Passion is absolutely necessary to achieve any kind of long-lasting success. I know this from experience. If you don't have passion, everything you do will ultimately fizzle out or, at best, be mediocre. ** ''Trump 101 The Way to Success'' (2007), p. 2 * [[Iraq War|The war]] is total disaster. It's a catastrophe, nothing less. It is such a shame that this took place. In fact, I gained a lot of respect for our current [[George H. W. Bush|president's father]] by the fact that he had the sense not to go in to [[Iraq]]. He won the war and then said let's not go the rest of the way and he turned out to be right. And [[Saddam Hussein]], whether they like him or didn't like him, he hated [[terrorists]]. He'd shoot and kill terrorists. When terrorists came in to his country, which he did control and he did dominate, he would kill terrorists. Now it's a breeding ground for terrorists. So, look, the war is a total catastrophe...and they have [[w:Sectarian violence in Iraq (2006–08)|a civil war]] going on. ** [http://www.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0703/16/sitroom.03.html Interview on "The Situation Room" with Wolf Blitzer] (16 March 2007) * I make that --- twice now, on a Monday I let returning Iraqi injured [[soldiers]] come to the premises. The most beautiful people I've ever seen. But they're missing arms and legs, they're with their wives, sometimes they're with their girlfriends. And the tears are coming down the faces of these people. I mean, thousands and maybe hundreds of thousands, and [[w:Casualties of the Iraq War#Total Iraqi casualties|the Iraqis that have been just maimed and killed]]. This war is a horrible thing. Now, President Bush says he's [[religious]]. And yet 400,000 people, the way I count it, have died, and probably millions have been badly maimed and injured. What's going on? What's going on? And the day we pull out it's going to explode. We're keeping the lid on a little bit. It's still a catastrophe, but the day we pull out, because they're in a [[w:Iraqi Civil War|civil war]]. Whether we want to admit it or not, they're in a civil war. ** [http://www.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0703/16/sitroom.03.html Interview on "The Situation Room" with Wolf Blitzer] (16 March 2007) * [[Hillary Clinton]] I think is a terrific woman. I am biased because I have known her for years. I live in New York. She lives in New York. I really like her and her husband both a lot. I think she really works hard. And I think, again, she's given an agenda, it is not all of her, but I think she really works hard and I think she does a good job. I like her. ** 2007 ''CNN'' interview, reported in [[w:Zeke J. Miller|Zeke J. Miller]], "[http://time.com/3962799/donald-trump-hillary-clinton/ When Donald Trump Praised Hillary Clinton]", ''[[w:Time (magazine)|Time]]'' (July 17, 2015). * {{w|Trump Steaks}} are the world's greatest steaks, and I mean that in every sense of the word. Treat yourself to the very, very best life has to offer you. And as a gift, Trump Steaks are the best you can give. One bite, and you'll know exactly what I'm talking about, and believe me. I understand steaks, it's my favorite food. ** Lines marking the introduction of Trump Steaks by The Sharper Image (2007) * My net worth fluctuates, and it goes up and down with the markets and with attitudes and with feelings, even my own feelings, but I try. ** Claimed in December 2007, quoted in [https://money.cnn.com/2011/04/21/news/companies/donald_trump/index.htm "Trump: I'm worth whatever I feel"], ''CNN'' (April 21, 2011) * Congratulations on being named Time magazine's 'Man of the Year' — you definitely deserve it. As you have probably heard, I'm a big fan of yours! ** [https://www.businessinsider.com/revealed-donald-trump-letters-to-vladimir-putin-miss-universe-russia-2020-8?r=US&IR=T Letter to Russian president Vladimir Putin] ===2008=== * They'll walk up, and they'll flip their top, and they'll flip their panties. ** [http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/donald-trump-details-sexual-attractions-relationships-radio-interviews/story?id=37190691 Interview on ''The Howard Stern Show''] (2008) * Hillary Clinton said she'd consider naming [[Barack Obama]] as her vice president when she gets the nomination, but she's nowhere near a shoo-in. ** About the [[w:Democratic Party presidential primaries, 2008|2008 Democratic Party presidential primaries]] in audio released by the ''Journal''. As quoted in ''[http://time.com/4402522/donald-trump-hillary-clinton-good-president/ Donald Trump Once Said Hillary Clinton Would Make A 'Good President']'' (July 12, 2016) by Tara John, ''{{w|The Times}}''. * For his part, Obama said he's just focused on winning the nomination although at least one member on his team said Clinton would make a good vice president. Well, I know her and she'd make a good president or good vice president. ** About the [[w:Democratic Party presidential primaries, 2008|2008 Democratic Party presidential primaries]] in an audio from "Trumped!", a syndicated radio feature that aired from 2004 to 2008. As quoted in ''[http://time.com/4402522/donald-trump-hillary-clinton-good-president/ Donald Trump Once Said Hillary Clinton Would Make A 'Good President']'' (July 12, 2016) by Tara John, ''{{w|The Times}}''. * It's very exciting we have a new president. It would have been nice if he ended with a 500 point up instead of down. It's certainly very exciting. His speech was great last night. I thought it was inspiring in every way. And, hopefully he's going to do a great job. But the way I look at it, he cannot do worse [[w:Presidency of George W. Bush|than Bush]]. ** [http://www.foxnews.com/story/2008/11/06/donald-trump-on-president-elect-obama-cannot-do-worse-than-bush.html "Donald Trump on President-Elect Obama: 'He Cannot Do Worse Than Bush'" Interview with Greta Van Susteren] [[Fox News]] (6 November 2008) ===2009=== * If I'd started in business thinking I knew everything, I'd have been sunk before I started... Never think of learning as being a burden or studying as being boring. It may require some discipline, but it can be an adventure. It can also prepare you for a new beginning. ** ''Think Like a Champion: An Informal Education In Business and Life'' (2009), pp. 16–17 * Without passion, you don't have energy; without energy, you have nothing. [[Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel|Nothing great in the world has been accomplished without passion.]] ** As quoted in ''Social Networking for Authors: Untapped Possibilities for Wealth'' (2009) by Michael Volkin, p. 60 *let's just talk. I'll give you as much time as you want. I'll tell you what you need to know **2009 to [[w:Bradley Edwards|Bradley Edwards]] (attorney prosecuting [[Jeffrey Epstein]]) as narrated by Edwards in December 2018 interview, according to [https://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2019/07/prosecutor-in-2009-epstein-case-said-donald-trump-was-the-only-one-who-helped-him/ 7 July 2019 article by Joe Hoft of Gateway Pundit] ===2010=== *Well, I think I was born with a drive for success. I had a father who was successful. He was a builder in Brooklyn and Koreans. And he was successful. And, you know, I have a certain gene. I'm a gene believer. Hey, when you connect two race horses, you usually end up with a fast horse. And I really was -- you know, I had a -- a good gene pool from the standpoint of that. **[https://web.archive.org/web/20200924215510/https://us.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/1002/10/ctw.01.html CNN interview] (February 2010) ===2011=== * Part of the [[beauty]] of me is that I am very [[rich]]. ** Interview with [[w:Ashleigh Banfield|Ashleigh Banfield]] on ABC's ''[[w:Good Morning America|Good Morning America]]'' (17 March 2011); also in {{citation |date=2011-03-17 |author=Neil King Jr. |title=Trump on 2012: ‘Part of Beauty of Me Is I'm Very Rich’ |periodical=Washington Wire |publisher=Wall Street Journal |url=http://blogs.wsj.com/washwire/2011/03/17/trump-on-2012-part-of-beauty-of-me-is-im-very-rich/}} * They asked [[John McCain]] for his [[w:Birth certificate|birth certificate]]. They've asked others for their birth certificate. They asked Bush for his birth certificate, by the way. I just found out over the weekend. And they would ask me for my birth certificate and by the way, it's sitting on the top of my desk. They give you a certificate of live birth, which anybody can get, just walk into the hospital, and you get a certificate of live birth. It's not even signed by people. Now, this guy either has a birth certificate or he doesn't. And I didn't think this was such a big deal, but I will tell you, it's turning out to be a very big deal because people now are calling me from all over saying, please don't give up on this issue. If you weren't born in this country, [[w:Natural-born-citizen clause|you cannot be president]]. ** About [[w:Barack Obama citizenship conspiracy theories|Barack Obama's birth certificate]]. {{citation |title=Fox & Friends |medium=Television |publisher=Fox News |date=2011-03-28}} ** {{citation |title=Fox Goes Birther: Trump Tells Unquestioning Co-hosts, "I'm Starting To Wonder...Whether Or Not <nowiki>[Obama]</nowiki> Was Born In This Country" |journal=[[w:Media Matters for America|Media Matters for America]] |date=2011-03-28 |url=http://mediamatters.org/mmtv/201103280006 |accessdate=2011-03-30}} * So he could have come into the country, and they did it for social reasons they put it in! They did it for whatever reason. There are a lot of reasons you could have put an ad in. But he could have been born outside of this country. Why can't he produce a birth certificate and by the way, there is one story that his family doesn't even know what hospital he was born in! ** About [[w:Barack Obama citizenship conspiracy theories|Barack Obama's birth certificate]]. {{citation |title=Fox & Friends |medium=Television |publisher=Fox News |date=2011-03-28}} ** {{citation |title=Fox Goes Birther: Trump Tells Unquestioning Co-hosts, "I'm Starting To Wonder...Whether Or Not <nowiki>[Obama]</nowiki> Was Born In This Country" |journal=[[w:Media Matters for America|Media Matters for America]] |date=2011-03-28 |url=http://mediamatters.org/mmtv/201103280006 |accessdate=2011-03-30}} * I start off every time I talk about [[w:Barack Obama citizenship conspiracy theories#Campaigners and proponents|the birthers]], I start off by saying, and it's very interesting, I was a great student at the best college in the country. You know? I want to let people know. I'm a smart guy. Because what they do to the birthers, and I don't even like the term, the birthers. I think it's unfair to them. These are people that want to see a birth certificate. They want to know that the president was born here! ** About [[w:Barack Obama citizenship conspiracy theories|Barack Obama's birth certificate]]. {{citation |title=Fox & Friends |medium=Television |publisher=Fox News |date=2011-03-28}} ** {{citation |title=Fox Goes Birther: Trump Tells Unquestioning Co-hosts, "I'm Starting To Wonder...Whether Or Not <nowiki>[Obama]</nowiki> Was Born In This Country" |journal=[[w:Media Matters for America|Media Matters for America]] |date=2011-03-28 |url=http://mediamatters.org/mmtv/201103280006 |accessdate=2011-03-30}} * Because if you're not born in the United States, you cannot be president. And, there is a real question. And if this birth certificate exists, you know what I get a kick out of? [[w:Neil Abercrombie|The Governor of Hawaii]] says, "I remember when he was born 50 years ago." I doubt it. I think this guy should be investigated. I doubt it. He remembers when [[w:Early life and career of Barack Obama#Childhood years|Obama was born]]? Give me a break! He's just trying to do something for [[Democratic Party (United States)|his party]]. The fact is, if you're not born in the United States, you cannot be president. He is having a hard time — he spent millions of dollars trying to get away from this issue, millions of dollars in legal fees trying to get away from this issue. And I'll tell you what, I brought it up just routinely and all of a sudden, a lot of facts are emerging, and I'm starting to wonder myself whether or not he was born in this country. ** About [[w:Barack Obama citizenship conspiracy theories|Barack Obama's birth certificate]]. {{citation |title=Fox & Friends |medium=Television |publisher=Fox News |date=2011-03-28}} ** {{citation |title=Fox Goes Birther: Trump Tells Unquestioning Co-hosts, "I'm Starting To Wonder...Whether Or Not <nowiki>[Obama]</nowiki> Was Born In This Country" |journal=[[w:Media Matters for America|Media Matters for America]] |date=2011-03-28 |url=http://mediamatters.org/mmtv/201103280006 |accessdate=2011-03-30}} * '''Donald Trump''': Meredith, he spent two million dollars in legal fees trying to get away from this issue. And if he weren't lying, why wouldn't he just solve it? And I wish he would, because if he doesn't, it's one of the greatest scams in the history of [[politics]], and in the history period. You are not allowed to be a president if you're not born in this country. He may not be born in this country. And I'll tell you what, three weeks ago I thought he was born in this country. Right now, I have some real doubts. I have people that actually have been studying it and they cannot believe what they're finding.<br>'''Meredith Vieira''': You have people now, down there searching—<br>'''Trump''': Absolutely.<br>'''Vieira''': I mean, in [[Hawaii]]?<br>'''Trump''': Absolutely. And they cannot believe what they're finding. I would like to have him show his birth certificate, and can I be honest with you, I hope he can. Because if he can't, if he can't, if he wasn't born in this country, which is a ''real'' possibility, I'm not saying it hap— I'm saying it's a ''real'' possibility, much greater than I thought two or three weeks ago, then he has pulled one of the great cons in the history of politics. And beyond politics. **{{citation |title=Today |date=2011-04-07 |publisher=NBC |medium=Television}} ** regarding Barack Obama ** Two million dollars is the sum of all the Obama presidential campaign's post-election legal expenses.[http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2011/apr/12/donald-trump/donald-trump-claims-obama-has-spent-2-million-lega/] * '''[[w:David Brody (journalist)|David Brody]]''': [[Radical Islam]]: to [[Evangelicalism in the United States|Evangelicals]], this is a bread and butter issue. You said there's a [[Islam in the United States|Muslim problem]] in this country. What do you mean by that exactly? <br> '''Donald Trump''': [[Bill O'Reilly (commentator)|Bill O'Reilly]] asked me is there a Muslim problem? And I said absolutely, yes. In fact I went a step further. I said I didn't see [[Swedes|Swedish people]] [[September 11 attacks|knocking down the World Trade Center]]. It was very interesting. I thought that was going to be a controversial statement and somebody, I think it was [[Dennis Miller]] introduced me, he was doing like an analysis of me, he said, I love it. The guy said what the truth is. He didn't mince his words. He didn't say, 'Oh, gee, no there's not a Muslim problem, everybody's wonderful.' And by the way, many, many, most Muslims are wonderful people, but is there a Muslim problem? Look what's happening. Look what happened right here in my city with the World Trade Center and lots of other places. So I said it and I thought it was going to be very controversial but actually it was very well received. I think people want the truth. I think they're tired of politicians. They're tired of [[politically correct]] stuff. I mean I could have said, 'Oh absolutely not Bill, there's no Muslim problem, everything is wonderful, just forget about the World Trade Center.' But you have to speak the truth. We're so politically correct that this country is falling apart. <br>'''Brody''': With some evangelicals there are some problems with the teachings of the [[Koran]]. Do you have concerns about the Koran? <br> '''Trump''': Well, I'll tell you what. The Koran is very interesting. A lot of people say it [[w:Religious views on love#Islam|teaches love]] and there is a very big group of people who really understand the Koran far better than I do. I'm certainly not an expert, to put it mildly. But there's something there that teaches some very negative vibe. I mean things are happening, when you look at people blowing up all over the streets that are in some of the countries over in the [[Middle East]], just blowing up a super market with not even soldiers, just people, when 250 people die in a super market that are shopping, where people die in a store or in a street. There's a lot of hatred there that's some place. Now I don't know if that's from the Koran. I don't know if that's from some place else. But there's tremendous hatred out there that I've never seen anything like it. So, you have two views. You have the view that the Koran is all about love and then you have the view that the Koran is, that there's a lot of [[w:Violence in the Quran|hate in the Koran]]. ** On [[w:CBN News|CBN News]]' "The Brody File" (12 April 2011) ([https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWzDAvemJG8 video]) ([http://blogs.cbn.com/thebrodyfile/archive/2011/04/12/brody-file-exclusive-donald-trump-says-something-in-koran-teaches.aspx transcript]) * I look very much forward to showing my financials. Because they are huge. ** {{citation |first=Michael |last=Scherer |title=In the presence of Donald Trump |date=2011-04-11 |journal=Time |url=http://swampland.time.com/2011/04/14/in-the-presence-of-donald-trump/ |accessdate=2019-10-28}} * I heard he was a terrible student, terrible. How does a bad student go to Columbia and then [[w:Early life and career of Barack Obama#Harvard Law School|to Harvard]]? I'm thinking about it, I'm certainly looking into it. Let him show his records. ** Associated Press interview, 2011-04-25 ** {{citation |first=Lucy |last=Madison |title=Trump: How did Obama get into the Ivy League? |date=2011-04-25 |journal=CBS News |url=http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503544_162-20057214-503544.html |accessdate=2011-05-01|archiveurl=https://archive.is/dnCsg|archivedate=2013-06-28}} ** About [[w:Barack Obama#Education|Barack Obama's education]], who graduated from {{w|Columbia University}} in 1983 and graduated ''magna cum laude'' with a {{w|Juris doctorate}} from Harvard Law School in 1991 * Today I'm very [[proud]] of myself, because I've accomplished something that nobody else has been able to accomplish. I was just informed, while on the helicopter, that our president has finally released a birth certificate. I want to look at it, but I hope it's true, so that we can get on to much more important matters, so the press can stop asking me questions. He should have done it a long time ago. Why he didn't do it when the Clintons asked for it, why he didn't do it when everyone else was asking for it, I don't know. But I am really honored, frankly, to have played such a big role in hopefully, hopefully getting rid of this issue. Now, we have to look at it, we have to see, is it real? Is it proper? What's on it? But I hope it checks out beautifully. I am really proud, I am really honored. ** press conference, 2011-04-27 ** {{citation |title=Trump Questions Obama Birth Certificate |date=2011-04-27 |journal=TMZ |url=http://www.tmz.com/2011/04/27/donald-trump-barack-obama-birth-certificate-comment-quote/ |accessdate=2011-05-01}} ** Regarding the release of Barack Obama's full birth record from Hawaii that morning * The word is, according to what I've have read, is that he was a terrible student when he went to [[w:Occidental College|Occidental]]. He then gets to [[w:Columbia_University|Columbia]] and then gets to [[Harvard University|Harvard]]. I heard at Columbia he was not a very good student, and then he then he gets into Harvard. How do you get into Harvard if you are not a good student? Maybe that's right, maybe that's wrong, but I don't know why he doesn't he release his records. Why doesn't he release his Occidental records? ** press conference, New Hampshire, 2011-04-27 ** {{citation |title=Schieffer: Racism underlying Trump's assertions |date=2011-04-27 |journal=CBS News |url=http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503544_162-20058072-503544.html |accessdate=2011-05-01|archiveurl=https://archive.is/ryIny|archivedate=2013-06-28}} ** About [[Barack Obama]], who transferred to Columbia from Occidental College in 1981, graduated from Columbia in 1983, and graduated ''magna cum laude'' with a Juris doctorate from Harvard Law School in 1991 * It's like in [[golf]]. A lot of people — I don't want this to sound trivial — but a lot of people are switching to these really long putters, very unattractive. It's weird. You see these great players with these really long putters, because they can't sink three-footers anymore. And, I hate it. I am a [[Traditionalistic|traditionalist]]. I have so many fabulous friends who happen to be [[Homosexuality|gay]], but I am a traditionalist. **{{citation |title=After Roasting, Trump Reacts In Character |date=2011-05-01 |journal=New York Times |first=Michael |last=Barbaro |url=http://www.nytimes.com/2011/05/02/nyregion/after-roasting-trump-reacts-in-character.html |accessdate=2011-05-06}} ** on his opposition to [[same-sex marriage]] * I know the [[Chinese people|Chinese]]. I've made a lot of money with the Chinese. I understand the Chinese mind. ** As quoted in {{citation |date=2011-05-03 |author=Tony Pierce |title=Donald Trump has read a lot of books on China: 'I understand the Chinese mind' |periodical=Los Angeles Times |url=http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/washington/2011/05/donald-trump-i-understand-the-chinese-mind.html}}, and in {{citation |date=2015-08-24 |author=John Mauldin |title=Playing the Chinese Trump Card |periodical=Forbes |url=http://www.forbes.com/sites/johnmauldin/2015/08/24/playing-the-chinese-trump-card/}} * I dealt with [[Muammar Gaddafi|Gaddafi]]. I rented him a piece of land. He paid me more for one night than the land was worth for two years, and then I didn't let him use the land. That's what we should be doing. I don't want to use the word 'screwed,' but I screwed him. That's what we should be doing. ** As quoted in {{citation |date=2015-07-22 |title=Donald Trump: In his own colourful words |periodical=BBC News |url=http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-33619045}} * She's a slob, she talks like a truck driver. * If I were running my business, I'd fire Rosie, I mean, I'd look her right in that fat ugly face of hers and say, "Rosie, you're fired." ** On an interview on why he hates [[Rosie O'Donnell]] (28 August 2011) *[[Barney Frank]] looked disgusting--nipples protruding--in his blue shirt before Congress. Very very disrespectful. * Twitter, quoted by the [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-fix/wp/2016/12/08/donald-trump-has-called-37-things-disgusting-on-twitter/ Washington Post] (20 December 2011) * Our president will start a war with [[Iran]] because he has absolutely no ability to negotiate. He is weak and he is ineffective. So the only way he figures he is going to be reelected and as sure as you are sitting there, is to start a war with Iran. ** A now-deleted video on his YouTube video blog. {{citation |date=2020-01-03 |title=Trump repeatedly claimed in 2011 and 2012 that Obama would start a war with Iran to win reelection |author=Andrew Kaczynski |periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/01/03/politics/kfile-trump-obama-2012-iran-war-reelection/index.html}} ===2012=== * [[Mitt Romney|Mitt]] is tough. He is smart. He is sharp. He is not going to allow bad things to continue to happen to this country that we all love. So Gov. Romney, go out and get em. You can do it. ** Quoted in {{citation | date = 2012-02-02 | url = http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503544_162-57370443-503544/trump-endorses-mitt-romney-for-president/ | author = Corbett B. Daly | title = Trump endorses Mitt Romney for president | periodical = CBS News }} * No, I've never ''really'' changed. Nothing's ''changed'' my ''mind''. And by the way, you know, you have a huge group of people — I walk down the street, and people are screaming, "Please don't give that up." A lot of people are questioning his birth certificate. They're questioning the authenticity of his birth certificate. I've been known as being a very smart guy for a long time. I don't consider myself birther or not birther, but there are some major questions here and the press doesn't wanna cover it. The press just refuses to cover it. Now if that were somebody else, they would be covering it, and they'd be throwing people out of office. But they don't want to cover it. So it's interesting. ** {{citation | title = Telephone interview | publisher = CNBC | date = 2012-05-29 }}, quoted in {{citation | date = 2012-05-29 | title = Donald Trump Goes On Epic Birther Rant | newspaper = {{w|The Huffington Post}} | author = Melissa Jeltsen | url = http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/29/donald-trump-romney-obama-birther_n_1553074.html }} * '''Wolf Blitzer:''' Donald, you're beginning to sound a little ridiculous, I have to tell you.<br>'''Donald Trump:''' No I think you are, Wolf. Now let me tell you something, I think ''you'' sound ridiculous, and if you'd ask me a question and let me answer it —<br>'''Blitzer:''' Here's the question, did the conspiracy start in 1961 where the [[w:Honolulu Star-Bulletin|''Honolulu Star-Bulletin'']] and the [[w:Honolulu Advertiser|''Honolulu Advertiser'']] contemporaneously published announcements that he was born in [[Hawaii]]?<br>'''Trump:''' That's right. That's right. And many people put those announcements in because they wanted to get the benefit because of getting so-called born in this country. Many people did it. It was something that was done by many people even though they weren't born in the country. You know and so do I... And so do a lot of your viewers. Although you don't have too many viewers. * '''Donald Trump''' (clip): I have people that actually have been studying it and they cannot believe what they're finding.<br>'''Meredith Vieira''' (clip): You have people now, down there searching—<br>'''Trump''' (clip): Absolutely.<br>'''Vieira''' (clip): I mean, in Hawaii?<br>'''Trump''' (clip): Absolutely. And they cannot believe what they're finding.<br>'''Wolf Blitzer''': All right, tell us what your people who were investigating in Hawaii, what they found.<br>'''Trump''': Oh, we don't have to go into old news. That's ''old'' news.<br>'''Blitzer''': Well, what did they find?<br>'''Trump''': There's been plenty found. You can call many people. You can read many, many articles on the authenticity of the certificate. You can read many articles from just recently as to what the publisher printed in a brochure as to what Obama told him, as to where his place of birth is. And that's fine, Wolf.<br>Now, it's appropriate, I think, that we get to the subject of hand, which is — at hand, which is jobs, which is [[Economy of the United States|the economy]], which is how our country is not doing well at all under this leadership, which is how are we going to do something about energy, which is really that things that I wanted to talk to you about, but you like to keep going back to the place of birth. ** {{citation | title = The Situation Room | publisher = CNN | date = 2012-05-29 }}, quoted in {{citation | date = 2012-05-29 | title = Wolf Blitzer Spars With Donald Trump Over Obama's Birth Certificate | author = Elizabeth Flock | newspaper = US News & World Report | url = http://www.usnews.com/news/blogs/washington-whispers/2012/05/29/wolf-blitzer-spars-with-donald-trump-over-obamas-birth-certificate }} ** Referring to a 1991 promotional booklet by literary agency Acton & Dystel with bios of 89 authors, that erroneously described Barack Obama as "born in Kenya".[http://www.snopes.com/politics/obama/birthers/booklet.asp] *@ariannahuff is unattractive both inside and out. I fully understand why her former husband left her for a man- he made a good decision. **28 August 2012 [https://archive.md/PtoCf tweet] * He [Obama] lost the popular vote by a lot and won the election. We should have a [[revolution]] in this country! * The phoney [sic] electoral college made a laughing stock out of our nation. The loser one! * More votes equals a loss... revolution! * This election is a total sham and a travesty. We are not a democracy! * The [[w:United_States_Electoral_College|electoral college]] is a disaster for a democracy. ** Tweets on November 6 and 7, 2012, some of which were later deleted. Trump falsely believed Barack Obama had lost the popular vote. [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/fact-checker/wp/2016/11/15/trumps-flip-flop-on-the-electoral-college-from-disaster-to-genius/ Trump’s flip-flop on the electoral college: From ‘disaster’ to ‘genius’] * [[Republicans]] didn't have anything going for them with respect to {{w|Latinos}} and with respect to [[Asian people|Asians]]... The [[Democrats]] didn't have a policy for dealing with illegal immigrants, but what they did have going for them is they weren't mean-spirited about it... They didn't know what the policy was, but what they were is they were kind... He had a crazy policy of self deportation which was maniacal... It sounded as bad as it was, and he lost all of the Latino vote... He lost the Asian vote. He lost everybody who is inspired to come into this country... Take care of this incredible problem that we have with respect to [[Immigration to the United States|immigration]], with respect to people wanting to be wonderful productive citizens of this country. ** Interview with Newsmax (November 2012), quoted in {{citation|date=2015-07-10|author=Jim Geraghty|title=Trump 2008: Bush Is Evil, Talk to Iran, Obama Cannot Do Worse Than Bush|periodical=National Review|url=http://www.nationalreview.com/corner/420996/trump-2008-bush-evil-talk-iran-obama-cannot-do-worse-bush-jim-geraghty}} *[climate change was] "created by and for the Chinese in order to make US manufacturing non-competitive" ** said in 2012 according to [https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-51213003 What does Trump actually believe on climate change?] *"It doesn't matter who you vote for--it matters who is counting the votes." Be careful of voter fraud!. Oct 10 2012 [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/256063573669855232] ===2013=== * I’m a very compassionate person (with a very high [[Intelligence quotient|IQ]]) with strong common sense. ** "[https://edition.cnn.com/2017/10/10/politics/donald-trump-tillerson-iq/index.html Donald Trump's IQ obsession, in 22 quotes]" (April 21, 2021) * Sorry losers and haters, but my I.Q. is one of the highest -and you all know it! Please don't feel so stupid or insecure,it's not your fault ** [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/332308211321425920 Tweet 9 May 2013] * I keep asking, how long will we go on defending [[South Korea]] from [[North Korea]] without payment? South Korea is a very very rich country. They're rich because of us. They sell us [[Television|televisions]], they sell us cars. They sell us everything. They are making a fortune. We have a huge deficit with South Korea. They're friends of mine. I do deals with them. I've been partners with them, no problem. But they think we're stupid. They can't believe it. We are defending them against North Korea, we're doing it for nothing. We're not in that position. When will they start to pay us for this defense? Isn't it really ridiculous when you think of it? They make a fortune on the United States and then they got some problems, and what happens? They call the United States to defend them, and we get nothing? **[https://www.youtube.com/watch/?v=agk9ZCrYol4 "From the Desk of Donald Trump: South Korea"] ''[[w:YouTube|YouTube]]'' (10 April 2013) * Must be a pretty picture you dropping to your knees. ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n7NDpHfXTCI " to Brande Roderick, From The Apprentice, Season 6, Episode 1"] (3 March 2013) <!-- ''YouTube'' --> * Leadership: whatever happens, you're responsible. If it doesn't happen, you're responsible. ** [https://twitter.com/realdonaldtrump/status/398887965302091776 Tweet (8 November 2013)] * I do have a relationship and I can tell you that he's very interested in what we're doing here today, he's probably very interested in what you and I are saying today, and I'm sure he is going to be seeing it in some form. But I do have a relationship with him, and I think, er, it's very interesting to see what's happened. I mean, look, he's done a very brilliant job in terms of what he represents and who he's representing, if you look at what he's done with Syria, if you look at so many of the different things, he has really eaten our president's lunch, let's not kid ourselves. ** [http://www.msnbc.com/thomas-roberts/watch/trump-discusses-putin-in-2013-734124099973 Trump responding to a question about whether he had a relationship with Vladimir Putin during an interview with MSNBC's Thomas Roberts while visiting Moscow for the Miss Universe competition] (November 2013) ===2014=== *Healthy young child goes to doctor, gets pumped with massive shot of many vaccines, doesn't feel good and changes - AUTISM. Many such cases! **Twitter, [https://x.com/realDonaldTrump/status/449525268529815552?lang=en 28 March 2014] * If this doctor, who so recklessly flew into New York from West Africa, has Ebola,then Obama should apologize to the American people & resign! ** [https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/trump-obama-ebola-tweet/ Snopes fact check: Did Trump Call for Obama to Resign After Ebola Doctor Returned to U.S.? (23 Oct)] ===2015=== ====May 2015==== * There is a way of beating [[Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant|ISIS]] so easily, so quickly, so effectively, and it would be so nice...I know a way that would absolutely give us guaranteed victory...the problem is then everybody will take the idea, run with it and then people will forget where it came from...'''I ran it past two or three people. [It's] so simple. It's like the paper clip.''' ** On his plan to defeat ISIS (May 2015) ====June 2015==== * So I said to myself, you know, nobody's ever going to know unless I run, because I'm really proud of my success. ** [https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/how-donald-trump-helped-democrats-pass-obamacare/2015/06/22/002f4c7c-18ea-11e5-ab92-c75ae6ab94b5_story.html Announcement speech] (June 2015) * I will build a great, great wall on our southern border, and I will have Mexico pay for that wall. Mark my words. ** Campaign launch rally, 15 June 2015 =====[[wikipedia:Donald Trump presidential campaign, 2016#Announcement|Presidential Bid Announcement]] (June 16, 2015)===== [[File:Donald_Trump_crop_2016.jpeg|thumb|Sadly, the [[American dream]] is dead. But if I get elected president, I will bring it back bigger and better and stronger than ever before, and we will [[w:Make America Great Again|make America great again]].]] : <small>At {{w|Trump Tower}}, {{#formatdate:2015-06-16}}, speech announcing his candidacy for U.S. president — {{citation | date = June 16, 2015 | title = Full text: Donald Trump announces a presidential bid | author = | newspaper = The Washington Post | url = https://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/post-politics/wp/2015/06/16/full-text-donald-trump-announces-a-presidential-bid/ }}</small> * Our country is in serious trouble. We don't have [[victories]] anymore. We used to have victories, but we don't have them. When was the last time anybody saw us beating, let's say, China in a trade deal? They kill us. I beat China all the time. All the time. When did we beat [[Japan]] at anything? They send their cars over by the millions, and what do we do? When was the last time you saw a [[Chevrolet]] in [[Tokyo]]? It doesn't exist, folks. They beat us all the time. When do we beat [[Mexico]] at the border? They're laughing at us, at our stupidity. And now they are beating us [[economically]]. They are not our friend, believe me. But they're killing us economically. The U.S. has become a dumping ground for everybody else's problems. * '''When Mexico sends its people, they're not sending their best. They're not sending you. They're not sending you. They're sending people that have lots of problems, and they're bringing those problems with us. They're bringing [[drugs]]. They're bringing crime. They're rapists. And some, I assume, are [[good]] people.''' But I speak to [[wikipedia:United States Border Patrol|border guards]] and they tell us what we're getting. And it only makes common sense. It only makes common sense. They're sending us not the right people. It's coming from more than Mexico. It's coming from all over [[Latin America|South and Latin America]], and it's coming probably – probably – from the [[Middle East]]. But we don't know. Because we have no protection and we have no competence, we don't know what's happening. And it's got to stop and it's got to stop fast. * {{w|Islamic terrorism}} is eating up large portions of the Middle East. They've become rich. I'm in competition with them. They just built a hotel in Syria. Can you believe this? They built a hotel. When I have to build a hotel, I pay interest. They don't have to pay interest, because they took the oil that, when we left Iraq, I said we should've taken. * I love the military, and I want to have the strongest military that we've ever had, and we need it more now than ever. But I said, "Don't hit Iraq," because you're going to totally destabilize the [[Middle East]]. [[Iran]] is going to take over the Middle East, Iran and somebody else will get the oil, and it turned out that Iran is now taking over Iraq. Think of it. Iran is taking over Iraq, and they're taking it over big league. * We lost thousands of lives, thousands in [[Iraq War|Iraq]]. We have wounded soldiers, who I love, I love — they're great — all over the place, thousands and thousands of wounded soldiers. And we have nothing. We can't even go there. We have nothing. And every time we give Iraq equipment, the first time a bullet goes off in the air, they leave it. * Last quarter, it was just announced our [[Gross Domestic Product|gross domestic product]] — a sign of [[strength]], right? But not for us. It was below zero. Whoever heard of this? It's never below zero. * A lot of people up there can't get jobs. They can't get jobs, because there are no jobs, because China has our jobs and Mexico has our jobs. They all have jobs. * Our [[enemies]] are getting stronger and stronger by the way, and we as a country are getting [[weaker]]. Even our [[nuclear arsenal]] doesn't work. It came out recently they have equipment that is 30 years old. They don't know if it worked. And I thought it was horrible when it was broadcast on television, because boy, does that send signals to [[Vladimir Putin|Putin]] and all of the other people that look at us and they say, "That is a group of people, and that is a nation that truly has no clue. They don't know what they're doing. They don't know what they're doing." * We have a disaster called the big lie: {{w|Obamacare}}. ... We have to repeal Obamacare, and it can be — and — and it can be replaced with something much better for everybody. Let it be for everybody. But much better and much less expensive for people and for the [[government]]. And we can do it. * Remember the [[w:HealthCare.gov|$5 billion Web site]]? $5 billion we spent on a [[Internet|Web site]], and to this day it doesn't work. A $5 billion Web site. I have so many Web sites, I have them all over the place. I hire people, they do a Web site. It costs me $3. * I watch the speeches of these people, and they say the sun will rise, the moon will set, all sorts of wonderful things will happen. And people are saying, "What's going on? I just want a job. Just get me a job. I don't need the rhetoric. I want a job." * Obama is going to be out playing golf. He might be on one of my courses. I would invite him, I actually would say. I have the best courses in the world, so I'd say, you what, if he wants to — I have one right next to the White House, right on the Potomac. If he'd like to play, that's fine. In fact, I'd love him to leave early and play, that would be a very good thing. * I've watched the politicians. I've dealt with them all my life. If you can't make a good deal with a politician, then there's something wrong with you. You're certainly not very good. And that's what we have representing us. They will never make America great again. They don't even have a chance. They're controlled fully — they're controlled fully by the lobbyists, by the donors, and by the special interests, fully. * I have lobbyists. I have to tell you. I have lobbyists that can produce anything for me. They're great. But you know what? it won't happen. It won't happen. Because we have to stop doing things for some people, but for this country, it's destroying our country. We have to stop, and it has to stop now. * Our country needs a truly great leader, and we need a truly great leader now. We need a leader that wrote "[[wikipedia:Trump: The Art of the Deal|The Art of the Deal]]." We need a leader that can bring back our jobs, can bring back our manufacturing, can bring back our military, can take care of our vets. Our vets have been abandoned. And we also need a cheerleader. ... We need somebody that can take the brand of the United States and make it great again. It's not great again. * He (Barack Obama) was vibrant. He was young. I really thought that he would be a great cheerleader. ... But he wasn't a cheerleader. He's actually a negative force. He's been a negative force. He wasn't a cheerleader; he was the opposite. * We need somebody that can take the brand of the United States and make it great again. It's not great again. * We need -- we need somebody -- we need somebody that literally will take this country and make it great again. We can do that. * You know, all of my life, I've heard that a truly successful person, a really, really successful person and even modestly successful cannot run for public office. Just can't happen. And yet that's the kind of mindset that you need to make this country great again. * So, ladies and gentlemen, I am officially running for president of the United States, and we are going to make our country great again! * We have people that aren't working. We have people that have no incentive to work. But they're going to have incentive to work, because the greatest social program is a job. And they'll be proud, and they'll love it, and they'll make much more than they would've ever made, and they'll be — they'll be doing so well, and we're going to be thriving as a country, thriving. It can happen. I will be the greatest jobs president that God ever created. I tell you that. * We owe China $1.3 trillion. We owe Japan more than that. So they come in, they take our jobs, they take our money, and then they loan us back the money, and we pay them in interest, and then the dollar goes up so their deal's even better. How stupid are our leaders? How stupid are these politicians to allow this to happen? How stupid are they? * I'm totally against the trade bill for a number of reasons. Number one, the people negotiating don't have a clue. Our president doesn't have a clue. He's a bad negotiator. He's the one that did [[Bowe Bergdahl|Bergdahl]]. We get Bergdahl, they get five killer terrorists that everybody wanted over there. We get Bergdahl. We get a [[traitor]]. We get a no-good traitor, and they get the five people that they wanted for years, and those people are now back on the battlefield trying to kill us. That's the negotiator we have. * [[Israel]] maybe won't exist very long. It's a disaster, and we have to protect Israel. * I'm a [[Free trade|free trader]]. But the problem with free trade is you need really [[Talent|talented]] people to negotiate for you. If you don't have talented people, if you don't have great leadership, if you don't have people that know business, not just a political hack that got the job because he made a contribution to a campaign, which is the way all jobs, just about, are gotten, free trade terrible. Free trade can be wonderful if you have smart people, but we have people that are stupid. We have people that aren't smart. And we have people that are controlled by special interests. And it's just not going to work. * I love China. The [[w:Bank of China|biggest bank in the world]] is from China. You know where their United States headquarters is located? In this building, in Trump Tower. I love China. People say, "Oh, you don't like China?" No, I love them. But their leaders are much smarter than our leaders, and we can't sustain ourself with that. * We have all the cards, but we don't know how to use them. We don't even know that we have the cards, because our leaders don't understand the game. We could turn off that spigot by charging them tax until they behave properly. * You have a problem with [[Islamic State|ISIS]]. You have a bigger problem with China. And, in my opinion, the new China, believe it or not, in terms of trade, is Mexico. * I know the smartest negotiators in the world. I know the good ones. I know the bad ones. I know the overrated ones. * I love the [[Saudis]]. Many are in this building. They make a billion dollars a day. Whenever they have problems, we send over the ships. We say "we're gonna protect." What are we doing? They've got nothing but money. * Saudi Arabia without us is gone. They're gone. * All of these politicians that I'm running against now, they're trying to disassociate. I mean, you looked at Bush, it took him five days to answer the question on Iraq. He couldn't answer the question. He didn't know. I said, "Is he [[intelligent]]?" Then I looked at [[Marco Rubio|Rubio]]. He was unable to answer the question, is Iraq a good thing or bad thing? He didn't know. He couldn't answer the [[question]]. How are these people gonna lead us? How are we gonna — how are we gonna go back and make it great again? We can't. They don't have a clue. They can't lead us. They can't. They can't even answer simple questions. It was terrible. * [[Saudi Arabia]] is in big, big trouble. Now, thanks to [[W;Fracking|fracking]] and other things, the oil is all over the place. And I used to say it, there are ships at sea, and this was during the worst crisis, that were loaded up with oil, and the cartel kept the price up, because, again, they were smarter than our leaders. They were smarter than our leaders. * I think I am a nice person. People that know me, like me. Does my [[family]] like me? I think so, right. Look at my family. I'm proud of my family. * This is going to be an election that's based on competence, because people are tired of these nice people. And they're tired of being ripped off by everybody in the world. And they're tired of spending more money on education than any nation in the world per capita, than any nation in the world, and we are 26th in the world, 25 countries are better than us in education. And some of them are like third world countries. But we're becoming a third word country, because of our infrastructure, our airports, our roads, everything. So one of the things I did, and I said, you know what I'll do. I'll do it. Because a lot of people said, "He'll never run. Number one, he won't want to give up his lifestyle." They're right about that, but I'm doing it. * We have losers. We have people that don't have it. We have people that are morally corrupt. We have people that are selling this country down the drain. * I would build a great wall, and nobody builds walls better than me, believe me, and I'll build them very inexpensively, I will build a great, great wall on our southern border. And I will have Mexico pay for that wall. * I will stop Iran from getting nuclear weapons. And we won't be using a man like Secretary [[John Kerry|Kerry]] that has absolutely no concept of negotiation, who's making a horrible and laughable deal, who's just being tapped along as they make weapons right now, and then goes into a bicycle race at 72 years old, and falls and breaks his leg. I won't be doing that. And I promise I will never be in a bicycle race. That I can tell you. * Fully support and back up the [[Second Amendment to the United States Constitution|Second Amendment]]. * Bush is totally in favor of [[wikipedia:Common Core State Standards Initiative|Common Core]]. I don't see how he can possibly get the nomination. He's weak on immigration. He's in favor of Common Core. How the hell can you vote for this guy? You just can't do it. We have to end — education has to be local. * Rebuild the country's infrastructure. Nobody can do that like me. Believe me. It will be done on time, on budget, way below cost, way below what anyone ever thought. I look at the roads being built all over the country, and I say I can build those things for one-third. What they do is unbelievable, how bad. * Save {{w|Medicare}}, {{w|Medicaid}} and [[Social Security (United States)|Social Security]] without cuts. Have to do it. Get rid of the [[fraud]]. Get rid of the waste and abuse, but save it. People have been paying it for years. And now many of these candidates want to cut it. You save it by making the United States, by making us rich again, by taking back all of the money that's being lost. * We're in a [[wikipedia:Economic bubble|bubble]]. We have artificially low interest rates. We have a stock market that, frankly, has been good to me, but I still hate to see what's happening. We have a stock market that is so bloated. Be careful of a bubble because what you've seen in the past might be small potatoes compared to what happens. So be very, very careful. * Sadly, the American dream is dead. But if I get elected president, I will bring it back bigger and better and stronger than ever before, and we will make America great again. ====July 2015==== * '''Donald Trump''': Oh, well, if you look at the statistics, of people coming— I didn't say about Mexic— I say the ''[[illegal immigrants]]''— if you look at the statistics on [[rape]], on [[crime]], on everything, coming in illegally into this country, they're mind-boggling. If you go to [[w:Fusion News|Fusion]], you will see a story about 80% of the women coming in– I mean, you have to take a look at these stories. And you know who owns Fusion? [[w:Univision|Univision]]. It was in ''[[w:The Huffington Post|The Huffington Post]]''. I said, let me get some of these articles because I've heard some horrible things. I deal<!--sic--> a lot of talking with people on the border patrol. They're incredible people. They help our country.<br>'''Don Lemon''': But I want some clarification–<br>'''Trump''': No, but Don, all you have to do is go to Fusion and pick up the stories on ''rape'', and it's unbelievable when you look at what's going on. So all I'm doing is telling the truth.<br>'''Lemon''': I've read ''The Washington Post'', I read the Fusion, I read ''The Huffington Post''. And that's about women ''being'' raped, it's not about criminals coming across the border entering the country.<br>'''Trump''': Somebody's doing the raping, Don, I mean, you know– I mean, somebody's doing it. You think it's women being raped, well who's doing the raping? Who's doing the raping? I mean how can you say such a thing. So, the problem is you have to stop illegal immigration coming across the border. You have to create a strong border. If you don't, we don't have a country. **{{citation | date = 2015-07-01 | title = The Situation Room | medium = TV | publisher = CNN | url = http://www.cnn.com/2015/07/01/politics/donald-trump-immigrants-raping-comments/ }} [[File:Donald_Trump_by_Gage_Skidmore_2.jpg|thumb|I can't apologize for the truth.]] * '''I can never apologize for the truth. I don't mind apologizing for things but I can't apologize for the truth.''' ** {{citation | date = 2015-07-02 | title = TRUMP: 'I use the word rape and all of a sudden everyone goes crazy' | author = | newspaper = finance.yahoo.com | url = https://finance.yahoo.com/news/trump-word-rape-sudden-everyone-172614480.html }} * I didn't know it was going to be this severe. ** {{citation | date = 2015-07-04 | title = Trump stands by statements on Mexican illegal immigrants, surprised by backlash | author = | newspaper = FoxNews.com | url = http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2015/07/04/trump-stands-by-views-dangerous-mexican-illegal-immigrants-admits-surprised-by/ }} * I don't know. I really don't know. I don't know why he wouldn't release his records. ** When asked whether he thought [[Barack Obama]] was born in the U.S. — as quoted in {{citation | date = 2015-07-10 | title = Trump: I'm still a birther | author = Nick Gass | newspaper = Politico | url = http://www.politico.com/story/2015/07/donald-trump-birther-obama-119945.html?hp=l2_4&cmpid=sf }} * The {{w|silent majority}} is back, and we're going to take the country back. ** Speech at a packed Phoenix Convention Cente, as quoted in {{citation | date = 2015-07-12 | title = Trump: 'We're Going to Take the Country Back' | author = | newspaper = Fox News Insider | url = http://insider.foxnews.com/2015/07/12/donald-trump-phoenix-speech-were-going-take-country-back }} *The Obama Administration's agreement with Iran is very dangerous. Iran developing a nuclear weapon, either through uranium or nuclear fuel, and defying the world is still a very real possibility. The inspections will not be followed, and Iran will no longer have any sanctions. Iran gets everything and loses nothing. Every promise the Obama Administration made in the beginning of negotiations, including the vow (made at the beginning of the negotiations) to get our great American prisoners returned to the U. S. has been broken. This is a bad deal that sets a dangerous precedent. This deal sets off a nuclear arms race in the Middle East, which is the most-unstable region in the world. It is a horrible and perhaps catastrophic event for [[Israel]]. Furthermore, we should have kept the billions of dollars we have agreed to pay them. Any great dealmaker would know this is a perfect example of "tapping along" and because they have been unchecked for so long throughout this extremely lengthy process, I guarantee they are much closer to producing a nuclear weapon than they were at the start of negotiations. The fact is, the US has incompetent leaders and even more incompetent negotiators. We must do better for America and the world. We have to [[Make America Great Again]]. **[https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/statement-donald-j-trump-the-iran-agreement Statement by Donald J. Trump on the Iran Agreement], ''American Presidency Project'', 14 July 2015 * And I had an idea recently. When they send illegals into our country, we charge Mexico $100,000 for every illegal that crosses that border because it's trouble. ** {{citation | date = 2015-07-15 | title = Fox News "Hannity"- Transcript: Trump On El Chappo And Undocumented Immigration | author = | newspaper = Fox News | url = https://votesmart.org/public-statement/1113598/fox-news-hannity-transcript-trump-on-el-chappo-and-undocumented-immigration#.XxcUdZMzbOQ }} * It's going to get worse in our country and we better start fighting a lot tougher than we're fighting right now. ** {{citation | date = 2015-07-16 | title = Trump: 'Absolutely Ridiculous' Marines Not Allowed to Carry Guns at Centers | author = | newspaper = Fox News Insider | url = http://insider.foxnews.com/2015/07/16/donald-trump-reacts-chattanooga-shootings-oreilly-factor }} * '''Donald Trump:''' 15,000 people showed up to hear me speak. Bigger than anybody and everybody knows it. A beautiful day with incredible people that were wonderful, great Americans, I will tell you. [[John McCain]] goes, "Oh, boy, Trump makes my job difficult. He had 15,000 ''crazies'' show up." Crazies. He called them all crazy. I said, they weren't crazy. They were great Americans. These people— if you would have seen these people— you— I know what a crazy is. I know all about crazies. These weren't crazy. So he insulted me and he insulted everybody in that room...<br>'''Frank Luntz:''' He's a war hero.<br>'''Donald Trump:''' He's not a war hero.<br>'''Luntz:''' He's a war hero.<br>'''Trump:''' He is a war hero—<br>'''Luntz:''' Five and a half years in a POW camp.<br>'''Trump:''' He's a war hero 'cause he was captured. I like people that weren't captured, OK? I hate to tell you.<br>'''Luntz:''' Do you agree with that?<br>'''Trump:''' He's a war hero. He's a war hero because he was captured, OK? You can have— and I believe— perhaps he's a war hero, but— but right now he said some very bad things about a lot of people. ** Family Leadership Summit 2015, quoted in {{citation | date = 2015-07-18 | title = Donald Trump tells John McCain: 'I like people who weren't captured' | author = Harriet Alexander | newspaper = The Telegraph | url = http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/republicans/11748859/Donald-Trump-tells-John-McCain-I-like-people-who-werent-captured.html }} * I see [[Rick Perry]] the other day. ... He's doing very poorly in the polls. He put on glasses so people will think he's smart. And it just doesn't work! You know people can see through the glasses! **{{citation | date = 2015-07-21 | title = Trump Campaign Statement on Rick Perry | author = | newspaper = NPR | url = http://www.npr.org/sections/itsallpolitics/2015/07/21/424994751/the-best-insults-of-the-trump-kickoff-speech }} * But you look at the nuclear deal, the thing that really bothers me—it would have been so easy, and it's not as important as these lives are (nuclear is powerful; my uncle explained that to me many, many years ago, the power and that was 35 years ago; he would explain the power of what's going to happen and he was right—who would have thought?), but when you look at what's going on with the four prisoners—now it used to be three, now it's four—but when it was three and even now, I would have said it's all in the messenger; fellas, and it is fellas because, you know, they don't, they haven't figured that the women are smarter right now than the men, so, you know, it's gonna take them about another 150 years—but the Persians are great negotiators, the Iranians are great negotiators, so, and they, they just killed, they just killed us. ** {{citation | date = 2015-07-21 | title = Speech in Sun City, South Carolina | author = | newspaper = Slate | url = http://www.slate.com/blogs/lexicon_valley/2015/07/31/donald_trump_this_run_on_sentence_from_a_speech_in_sun_city_south_carolina.html }} * If you can't get rich dealing with politicians, there's something wrong with you. ** [http://www.motherjones.com/mojo/2015/07/donald-trump-campaign-speech-lindsey-graham Campaign Rally in South Carolina] ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ImhJ2sFBJmA YouTube]<!--[Has to add exactly minute and second in this video]--> * I'm a Republican, I'm a conservative, I'm in first place, I want to run as a Republican and I think I'll get the nomination... [<nowiki/>[[Hillary Clinton]]] is easily the worst Secretary of State in the history of the country. She's going to be beaten and I'm the one to beat her. ** {{citation | date = 2015-07-23 | title = Donald Trump tours Mexican border with Texas | author = | newspaper = BBC | url = http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-33645971 }} * '''Jose Diaz-Balart:''' Mr. Trump, you know 53,000 [[w:Hispanic-American|Hispanics]] turn 18 years of age in this country every month, born in the country of voting age. 54 million plus Hispanics — many feel that what you said when you said that the people who cross the border are rapists and murderers—<br>'''Donald Trump:''' No, no, no! We're talking about [[w:Illegal immigration in the United States|illegal immigration]] and everybody understands that. And you know what? That's a typical case. That's a typical case of the press with misinterpretation. They take a half a sentence, they take a half a sentence, then they take quarter of a sentence and put it all together. It's a typical thing...<br>'''Diaz-Balart:''' I'm not finished with my question.<br>'''Trump:''' No, no! You're finished! **{{citation | date = 2015-07-23 | title = Crowd Erupts in Applause at How Donald Trump Handles MSNBC Host at Presser: 'You're Finished!' | author = Oliver Darcy | newspaper = TheBlaze | url = http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2015/07/23/crowd-erupts-in-applause-at-how-donald-trump-handles-msnbc-host-at-presser-youre-finished/ }} * I think that I would be a great uniter. I think that I would have great diplomatic skills. I think that I would be able to get along with people very well. I've had a great success in my life. I think the world would unite if I were the leader of the United States. ** {{citation | date = 2015-07-30 | title = Trump: 'World would unite if I were the leader' | author = Jesse Byrnes | newspaper = The Hill | url = http://thehill.com/blogs/ballot-box/presidential-races/249875-trump-world-would-unite-if-i-were-the-leader }} ====August 2015==== [[File:Donald_Trump_by_Gage_Skidmore_3.jpg|thumb|I do whine because I want to win and I’m not happy about not winning and I am a whiner and I keep whining and whining until I win.]] * I think the big problem this country has is being [[Political correctness|politically correct]]. ** Republican Presidential Debate 2015 — {{citation | date = 2015-08-06 | title = Annotated transcript: The Aug. 6 GOP debate | author = | newspaper = The Washington Post | url = https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-politics/wp/2015/08/06/annotated-transcript-the-aug-6-gop-debate/ }} * You could see there was blood coming out of her eyes, blood coming out of her wherever. ** [http://edition.cnn.com/2015/08/08/politics/donald-trump-cnn-megyn-kelly-comment/ On Megyn Kelly] (7 August 2015) * I cherish women. I want to help women. I'm going to do things for women that no other candidate will be able to do. ** {{citation | date = 2015-08-09 | title = 12 times Donald Trump declared his 'respect' for women | author = Gregoy Krieg | newspaper = CNN | url = https://edition.cnn.com/2016/10/07/politics/donald-trump-respect-women/index.html }} * I will be phenomenal to the women. I mean, I want to help women. ** ''Face the Nation'', 9 August 2015 *I think there has to be a trust. There actually has to be a trust. If you don't trust, you're not going to do very well. **In response to a reporter's line of questioning on what his specific plans will be to achieve the goals of his campaign. [http://www.cnsnews.com/news/article/melanie-hunter/trump-specifics-his-proposals-trust-me "Trump on Specifics of His Proposals: ‘Trust Me'"] (12 August 2015), by Melanie Hunter * We have to keep the families together, but they have to go. What if they have no place to go? ** During the [[w:Iowa State Fair|Iowa State Fair]] (2015 August 15) * You know, when you put out policy, like a 14-point plan? A lot of times in the first hour of negotiation, that 14-point plan goes astray, but you may end up with a better deal. That's the way it works. That's the way really life works. When I do a deal, I don't say, "Oh, here's 14 points." I got out and do it. I don't sit down and talk about 14 points. ** Appearance at Iowa State Fair - {{citation | date = 2015-08-15 | title = Donald Trump's surprisingly savvy analysis of American politics | author = | newspaper = The Washington Post | url= http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-fix/wp/2015/08/16/donald-trumps-surprisingly-savvy-comment-about-american-politics/ }} {{Paywalled source}} *What's the difference between a wet raccoon and Donald J. Trump's hair? A wet raccoon doesn't have seven billion fucking dollars in the bank. **20 August 2015 roast on Comedy Central [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-roast-364701 transcribed by Newsweek] * Hillary Clinton was the worst [[United States Secretary of State|Secretary of State]] in the history of the country. The world came apart under her reign... I will be the one to beat Hillary.<br>If you start adding it up, our real unemployment rate is 42%. ** {{citation | date = 2015-08-20 | title = Donald Trump Explains All | author = | newspaper = Time | url = http://time.com/4003734/donald-trump-interview-transcript/ }}. For a discussion of this figure, see [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/02/11/upshot/the-real-jobless-rate-is-42-percent-donald-trump-has-a-point-sort-of.html "The Real Jobless Rate Is 42 Percent? Donald Trump Has a Point, Sort Of"] by Neil Irwin, ''The New York Times'' (10 February 2016). * You've seen my statements, I do very well, I don't mind paying some taxes. The [[w:Middle class|middle class]] is getting clobbered in this country. You know the middle class built this country, not the hedge fund guys, but I know people in hedge funds that pay almost nothing and it's ridiculous. ** Interview on [[w:Bloomberg News|Bloomberg]]'s ''With All Due Respect'' — {{citation | date = 2015-08-26 | title = Donald Trump Says He Wants to Raise Taxes on Himself | author = David Knowles | newspaper = Bloomberg | url = http://www.bloomberg.com/politics/articles/2015-08-26/donald-trump-says-he-wants-to-raise-taxes-on-himself }} * I do whine because I want to win and I’m not happy about not winning and I am a whiner and I keep whining and whining until I win. ** Interview with [[w:Chris Cuomo|Chris Cuomo]]{{citation | date = 2015-08-11 | title = Donald Trump: ‘I keep whining and whining until I win’ | author = Jeremy Diamond | newspaper = CNN | url = https://www.cnn.com/2015/08/11/politics/donald-trump-refutes-third-party-run-report/index.html}} ====September 2015==== * We're a nation that speaks English. I think that, while we're in this nation, we should be speaking English... that's how we assimilate. ** {{citation | date = 2015-09-03 | title = Donald Trump: "While We're in This Nation, We Should Be Speaking English" | newspaper = The Hollywood Reporter | url = http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/donald-trump-speak-english-spanish-820215 }} * "''Look'' at that face! [of [[Carly Fiorina]]] Would anyone ''vote'' for that? Can you imagine that, the face of our next ''president''?!" ** {{citation | date = 2015-09-09 | title = Trump Seriously: On the Trail With the GOP's Tough Guy | newspaper = Rolling Stone | url = http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/news/trump-seriously-20150909 }} * The fact is all lives matter. That includes black, and it includes white, and it includes everybody else. And we have... Democrats that are afraid to even say that. ** As quoted in {{citation | date = 2015-09-09 | title = Donald Trump trashes Black Lives Matter: 'I think they're trouble' | author = Colin Campbell | newspaper = Business Insider | url = http://uk.businessinsider.com/donald-trump-black-lives-matter-2015-9?r=US&IR=T }} * This is a country where we speak English, not Spanish. ** Criticizing Jeb Bush for speaking Spanish on the campaign trail during a Republican Presidential Debate on CNN (16 September 2015) * '''Audience member''': We have a problem in this country, it's called Muslims. Our current President is one. We know he's not even an American. We have training camps growing where they want to kill us. That's my question, when can we get rid of them? <br>'''Donald Trump''': We're going to be looking at a lot of different things. A lot of people are saying that and a lot of people are saying that bad things are happening out there. We're going to be looking at that and a lot of different things. ** At a town hall meeting in New Hampshire — as quoted in {{citation | date = 2015-09-17 | title = Here's How Donald Trump Responded to a Person Saying President Obama is Muslim | author = Maya Rhodan | newspaper = Time | url = http://time.com/4039658/trump-obama-muslim/ }} * Am I morally obligated to defend the president every time somebody says something bad or controversial about him? I don't think so! * This is the first time in my life that I have caused controversy by NOT saying something. ** Tweets — quoted in {{citation | date = 2015-09-20 | title = Trump defend Obama? 'I don't think so!' | author = Doina Chiacu | newspaper = Reuters | url = http://www.reuters.com/article/2015/09/20/us-usa-election-trump-idUSKCN0RJ0KT20150920 }} * You can be politically correct if you want, but are you trying to say we don't have a problem? ... Most Muslims, like most everything, I mean, these are fabulous people... But we certainly do have a problem, I mean, you have a problem throughout the world. ... It wasn't people from Sweden that blew up the World Trade Center. ** On CNN's "State of the Union" with Jake Tapper — as quoted in {{citation | date = 2015-09-20 | title = Trump: 'We certainly do have a problem' with some Muslims | author = Timothy Cama | newspaper = The Hill | url = http://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/254307-trump-we-certainly-do-have-a-problem-with-some-muslims }} * The first thing I'd do in my first day as president is close up our borders so that illegal immigrants cannot come into our country. ** Twitter question and answer session from Twitter's New York office — as quoted in {{citation | date = 2015-09-21 | title = Trump: I'll close US borders 'in my first day' | author = Jesse Byrnes | newspaper = The Hill | url = http://thehill.com/blogs/ballot-box/presidential-races/254391-trump-ill-close-us-borders-in-my-first-day }} * You ever see guys with nothing on their desk? They always fail. I don't know what it is. I've seen it for years. ** Explaining his messy desk, ''The New York Times Magazine'' interview. {{citation | date=2015-09-21 | title=Donald Trump is not going anywhere | author = Mark Leibovich | newspaper = The New York Times Magazine | url = http://www.nytimes.com/2015/10/04/magazine/donald-trump-is-not-going-anywhere.html }} * Why aren't we letting ISIS go and fight Assad and then we pick up the remnants? ** [http://www.cbsnews.com/news/donald-trump-60-minutes-scott-pelley/ Interview in ''60 Minutes''], 2015-09-27 ** Cited by [[Mitt Romney]] in [http://uk.businessinsider.com/mitt-romney-donald-trump-isis-60-minutes-ridiculous-2016-3?r=US&IR=T ''Business Insider''], 2016-03-03 * I will tell you in terms of leadership he is getting an 'A,' and our president is not doing so well. They did not look good together. ** {{citation |date=2015-09-30 |author=Reena Flores |title=Donald Trump gives Russia's Putin an 'A' in leadership |periodical=CBS News |url=https://www.cbsnews.com/news/donald-trump-gives-russias-putin-an-a-in-leadership/}} ====October 2015==== *All my friends who work out all the time, they’re going for knee replacements, hip replacements — they’re a disaster **4 October 2015 interview with [https://www.nytimes.com/2015/10/04/magazine/donald-trump-is-not-going-anywhere.html New York Times] * I've always said, if you run for president, you shouldn't be allowed to use teleprompters. Because you don't even know if the guy is smart. ** Norcross, Georgia, {{#formatdate:2015-10-10}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2016-07-21 |title=Teleprompter Trump: the right temperament or low-energy Donald? |author=Joe Concha |periodical=The Hill |url=https://thehill.com/blogs/pundits-blog/presidential-campaign/288626-teleprompter-trump-the-right-temperament-or-low}} * He was such a nice guy. And he said, Oh, I'm never going to attack. But then his poll numbers tanked. He's got -- that's why he's on the end -- and he got nasty. And he got nasty. So you know what? You can have him. ** Response to [[John Kasich]] {{citation | date=2015-10-28 |title= CNBC Republican debate transcript |newspaper = CNBC |url = http://www.cnbc.com/2015/10/29/cnbc-full-transcript-cnbcs-your-money-your-vote-the-republican-presidential-debate-part-2.html }} ====November 2015==== * '''Trump''': I'm Donald Trump, and I'm running for president. Our country is in deep trouble because let's face it: politics are all talk and no action. My opponents have no experience in creating jobs or making deals. The fact is, I'm going to make the greatest trade deals we've ever made in our country. And I'm going to bring jobs and money back to the United States. I'll take care of our veterans and make our military so strong that nobody will ever mess with us. I'll secure our borders, and yes, we will have a wall. You can't have a country without borders. [[w:Affordable Care Act|Obamacare]] is a great plan . It will be repealed and replaced with something much better. If the people of Iowa vote for me, you'll never be disappointed. I don't disappoint people, I produce. Together, we're going to [[w:Make America Great Again|Make America Great Again]]. I'm Donald Trump, candidate for president, and I hate this message.<br>'''Female V/O''': Paid for by Donald J. Trump for President, Inc. ** Radio ad aired in Iowa (5 November 2015) * You're going to have a deportation force, and you're going to do it humanely and you're going to bring the country -- and, frankly, the people, because you have some excellent, wonderful people, some fantastic people hat have been here for a long period of time. Don't forget, Mika, that you have millions of people that are waiting in line to come into this country and they're waiting to come in legally. And I always say the wall, we're going to build the wall. It's going to be a real deal. It's going to be a real wall. There was a picture in one of the magazines where they had a wall this tall and they were taking drugs over the wall. They built a ramp over the wall and the truck was going up and down. They were using it like a highway; the wall is like a highway. It's not going to happen. It's going to be a Trump wall. It's going to be a real wall. And it's going to stop people and it's going to be good. But your friend [[Thomas Friedman]] called me and said, hah, there should be a big door. I said going to be a big door. I love the expression. There's going to be a big beautiful nice door. People are going to come in and they're going to come in legally. But we have no choice. Otherwise, we don't have a country. We don't even know how many people. We don't know if it's 8 million or if it's 20 million. We have no idea how many people are in our country. And then you see what happened with Kate in San Francisco. You see what happens with all of the things going on, all of the tremendous crime going on. It costs us $200 billion a year for illegal immigration right now. $200 billion a year, maybe $250, maybe $300. They don't even know. We're going to stop it. We're going to run it properly and we're going to stop it. ** On his immigration plan (2015 November 11) * Watch and study the [[Mosque|mosques]], because a lot of talk is going on at the mosques. ** As quoted in [http://www.cnn.com/2015/11/16/politics/donald-trump-paris-attacks-close-mosques/index.html "Donald Trump: 'Strongly consider' shutting mosques"] (16 November 2015), by Gregory Krieg, ''CNN'' (2015), Atlanta, Georgia: Cable News Network. * [When the government says] 'everybody gets equal pay,' you get away from the whole [[American Dream]]. ** An unequal answer about equal pay (19 November 2015) * I would certainly implement that. Absolutely... There should be a lot of systems, beyond databases. We should have a lot of systems... They have to be. They have to be... It's all about management. ** As quoted in [http://www.people.com/article/donald-trump-muslim-database-syrian-refugees "Donald Trump Says He Supports a Database and ID Cards to Track Muslims in the U.S.: 'We're Going to Have to Look at the Mosques'"] (20 November 2015), by Char Adams, ''People''. * Somebody said I’m the Ernest Hemingway of 140 characters. ** Quoted by {{citation | date=2015-11-20 |title= Trump says he’s the Hemingway of Twitter |newspaper = The Hill | author = Bradford Richardson |url = https://thehill.com/blogs/ballot-box/gop-primaries/260949-trump-says-hes-the-hemingway-of-twitter }} * Get him the hell out of here. ** As quoted in [http://www.cbsnews.com/news/trump-supporters-black-lives-matter-protester-clash-at-rally/ "Trump supporters, Black Lives Matter protester clash at rally"] (21 November 2015), by Reena Flores, ''CBS News'', CBS Interactive, Inc. *I watched when the World Trade Center came tumbling down. And I watched in [[w:Jersey City, New Jersey|Jersey City, N.J.]], where thousands and thousands of people were cheering as that building was coming down. Thousands of people were cheering.<br>It was on television. I saw it. It was well covered at the time, George. Now, I know they don't like to talk about it, but it was well covered at the time. There were people over in [[New Jersey]] that were watching it, a heavy Arab population, that were cheering as the buildings came down. Not good. **21 November 2015 speech in [[w:Birmingham, Alabama|Birmingham, Alabama]], then next-day reply to [[George Stephanopoulos]], according to [https://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2015/nov/22/donald-trump/fact-checking-trumps-claim-thousands-new-jersey-ch/ 22 November 2015 PolitiFact article] * Written by a nice reporter. Now the poor guy - you ought to see the guy: ‘Uhh I don't know what I said. I don't remember!' He's going, ‘I don't remember! Maybe that's what I said.' ** As quoted in [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PX9reO3QnUA&t=15 "Trump mocks reporter with disability"] (25 November 2015 by CNN) and [http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/donald-trump/12019097/Donald-Trump-accused-of-mocking-disabled-reporter.html "Donald Trump accused of mocking disabled reporter"] (26 November 2015), by Rob Crilly regarding [[Serge Kovaleski]] =====''[[wikipedia:Crippled America|Crippled America: How to Make America Great Again]]'' (November 2015)===== :published 3 November 2015 * The enthusiasm was based on pure love and love of what we were doing. ** Preface, p. xiv * The fact is I give people what they need and deserve to hear - exactly what they don't get from politicians - and that is The Truth. Our country is a mess right now and we don't have time to pretend otherwise. We don't have time to waste on being politically correct. ** p. 8 * I use the media the way the media uses me—to attract attention. Once I have that attention, it's up to me to use it to my advantage. ** p. 10 * I've seen these so-called journalists flat-out lie. I say that because incompetence doesn't begin to explain the inaccurate stories they have written. ** p. 12 * Our country, our people, and our laws have to be our top priority. ** p. 30 * Citizenship is not a gift we can afford to keep giving away. ** p. 28 * I want good people to come here from all over the world, but I want them to do so legally. We can expedite the process, we can reward achievement and excellence, but we have to respect the legal process. And those people who take advantage of the system and come here illegally should never enjoy the benefits of being a resident--or citizen--of this nation. So I am against any path to citizenship for undocumented workers or anyone else who is in this country illegaly. They should--and need to--go home and get in line. ** p. 30 * Depending on the price of oil, Saudi Arabia earns somewhere between half a billion and a billion dollars every day. They wouldn't exist, let alone have that wealth, without our protection. We get nothing from them. Nothing. We defend Germany. We defend Japan. We defend South Korea. These are powerful and wealthy countries. We get nothing from them. It's time to change all that. It's time to win again. ** p. 34 * When Kuwait was attacked by Saddam Hussein, all the wealthy Kuwaitis ran to Paris. They didn't just rent suites—they took up whole buildings, entire hotels. They lived like kings while their country was occupied. Who did they turn to for help? Who else? Uncle Sucker. That's us. ** p. 34 * We can't be afraid to use our military, but sending our sons and daughters should be the very last resort. I've seen what wars do to our kids. I've seen their broken bodies, know all about the horrors that live in their heads, and the enormous effects of trauma. We cannot commit American troops to battle without a real and tangible objective. ** p. 35 * To me, for politicians to claim that we have an answer to every problem is silly. When you listen to some politicians reeling off their prepared answers, you almost fall for it. They're all experts. But nothing ever happens. ** p. 73 * I manage to blast through the ridiculous liberal bias of the media and speak right to the hearts of the people - or at least I try. ** p. 80 * It's not just jobs that are being lost to other countries. We are seeing whole industries vanish overseas. ** p. 85 * A great leader has to be flexible, holding his ground on the major principles but finding room for compromises that can bring people together. A great leader has to be savvy at negotiations so we don't drown every bill in pork barrel bridges to nowhere. I know how to stand my ground — but I also know that Republicans and Democrats need to find common ground to stand on as well. ** p. 96 * We look at politicians and think: This one's owned by this millionaire. That one's owned by that millionaire, or lobbyist, or special interest group. Me? I speak for the people. So the establishment attacks me. They can't own me, they can't dictate to me, so they search for ways to dismiss me. ** p. 97 ====December 2015==== * My policy has always been the same. We're fighting ISIS and Assad is fighting ISIS, but we're backing rebels to fight [[w:Bashar al-Assad|Assad]]. You can't fight everybody, you have to pick who you want to fight. And now you've got [[Turkey]], who like ISIS more than they like others, no one really knows because we don't have people that know what they're doing. So in my opinion, you go along, and [[Russia]] does not like ISIS, and people are starting to find out. I mean in all fairness lost an airplane, got blew out of the air. So Russia is not a fan of ISIS. Russia is bombing the hell out of them, starting to bomb them. I say isis is our number one threat. We can't be fighting everybody at the same time. ISIS is our number one threat. I would bomb the hell out of them -- I like to do one thing at a time. I would knock the hell out of ISIS. I would hit them ... so hard like they've never been hit before. ** In an interview with ''{{w|Fox & Friends}}''. [http://www.politico.com/story/2015/12/trump-kill-isil-families-216343] (December 2, 2015) * They're using them as shields. It's a horrible thing. They're using them as shields. But we're fighting a very politically correct war. And the other thing is with the terrorists. You have to take out their families. When you get these terrorists, you have to take out their families. They care about their lives. Don't kid yourself. But they say they don't care about their lives. You have to take out their families. ** When asked how he would deal with civilian casualties. In an interview with ''{{w|Fox & Friends}}''. [http://www.politico.com/story/2015/12/trump-kill-isil-families-216343] (December 2, 2015) * If you're in the [[w:White House|White House]], who wants to take a vacation? You're in the White House!… What's better than the White House? Why these vacations? **[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cC_3IxKcQIA Hardball with Chris Matthews, August 4, 2017] December 5, 2015 rally * Donald J. Trump is calling for a total and complete shutdown of Muslims entering the United States until our country's representatives can figure out what is going on... According to Pew Research, among others, there is great hatred towards Americans by large segments of the Muslim population. Most recently, a poll from the [[w:Center for Security Policy|Center for Security Policy]] released data showing "25% of those polled agreed that violence against Americans here in the United States is justified as a part of the global jihad" and 51% of those polled, "agreed that Muslims in America should have the choice of being governed according to [[Sharia|Shariah]]." Shariah authorizes such atrocities as murder against non-believers who won't convert, beheadings and more unthinkable acts that pose great harm to Americans, especially women. **[https://www.donaldjtrump.com/press-releases/donald-j.-trump-statement-on-preventing-muslim-immigration Statement on Preventing Muslim Immigration] (December 7, 2015) archived [https://archive.ph/TK7qR here] * We are losing a lot of people to the Internet. We have to do something. We have to go see [[Bill Gates]] and a lot of different people that really understand what's happening. We have to talk to them [about], maybe in certain areas, closing that Internet up in some way. '''Some people will say, ‘[[Freedom of speech]], Freedom of speech'. These are foolish people.''' ** [https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2015/dec/08/googles-eric-schmidt-spell-checkers-hate-harassment-terrorism Google's Eric Schmidt calls for 'spell-checkers for hate and harassment'], 8 December 2015, by Alex Hern. * We have places in [[London]] and other places that are so radicalised that the [[police]] are afraid for their own lives. We have to be very smart and very vigilant. ** As quoted in [http://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/donald-trump-claims-parts-of-london-are-so-radicalised-police-officers-are-afraid-for-their-lives-a6765026.html "Donald Trump claims parts of London are 'so radicalised' police officers are 'afraid for their lives'"] by Rose Troup Buchanan, ''[[w:The Independent|The Independent]]'' (8 December 2015); also in [http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3352406/Scotland-Yard-mocks-Trump-s-claims-London-police-terrified-Muslim-areas-officers-claim-tycoon-RIGHT.html "'Trump's not wrong – we can't wear uniform in our OWN cars': Five police officers claim Donald Trump is RIGHT about parts of London being so 'radicalised' they are no-go areas"] by Martin Robinson, ''Daily Mail Online'' (9 December 2015) * These are people that are outside the country, so we're really not talking about the [[U.S. Constitution|Constitution]]. And it's not about religion. This is about safety. This has nothing to do with religion. It's about safety. ** Interview on ABC's "Life with Kelly and Michael", as quoted in [http://thehill.com/blogs/ballot-box/presidential-races/262615-trump-muslim-ban-not-about-religion "Trump: Muslim ban 'not about religion'"] by Jesse Byrnes, ''The Hill'' (9 December 2015) * We're doing really well with the [[Evangelicalism in the United States|evangelicals]], and, by the way: And again, I do like [[Ted Cruz]] -- but not a lot of [[Evangelicalism|evangelicals]] come out of [[Cuba]], in all fairness. It's true. Not a lot come out. But I like him nevertheless. But I think we're going to do great, and we are doing great with evangelicals.<br>I'm with you. I'm with everybody. I'm with everybody, look, I'm self-funding. I have no oil company. I have no special [[interest]]. I have no lobbyists.<br>Well look he's from [[Texas]] -- to the best of my knowledge, there's a lot of oil in Texas, right? So, he gets a lot of money from the oil companies, and he's against ethanol and everything you're else talking about. And I'm not I'm totally in favor. And you know it's a big industry here, it's a big industry. You know if that industry is upset Iowa's got problems.<br>I really do, I like Ted Cruz a lot, I would say that we would certainly have things in mind for Ted, to be honest with you. I mean, he's somebody that I could certainly say that [about] because I like him. **11 December 2015 during a rally in Iowa, according to [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-politics/wp/2015/12/11/donald-trump-questions-ted-cruzs-ties-to-major-oil-companies/ Washington Post article] by Jenna Johnson, [http://www.cbsnews.com/news/in-iowa-donald-trump-hits-ted-cruz-on-ethanol-and-religion/ CBS News article] by Kylie Atwood, and [https://web.archive.org/web/20151213223442/http://blogs.reuters.com/talesfromthetrail/2015/12/12/donald-trump-and-ted-cruz-are-best-of-frenemies/ Reuters article] by Emily Stephenson * We're rounding 'em up in a very humane way, in a very nice way. And they're going to be happy because they want to be legalized. And, by the way, I know it doesn't sound nice. But not everything is nice. **27 December 2015 on ''60 Minutes'' * I know words. I have the best words. **30 December 2015 [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kn283OjPb1g speech in Hilton Head Island, South Carolina] reported by [https://gawker.com/yet-another-bold-claim-from-donald-trump-i-know-words-1750331997 Gawker] and [https://dailycaller.com/2015/12/30/trump-i-know-words-i-have-the-best-words-obama-is-stupid-video/ The Daily Caller] * I'm trying to figure out, let's see, I'm in my room, in [[New York City|New York city]], and I want to put a little spray, so I can, you know [mimes spraying] right, right, but I hear they don't want me to use the hairspray, they want me to use the pump, because the other one, which I really like better than going [mimes pumping] bang, bang, bang, and then it comes out in big globs, right, and it's stuck in your hair and you say, "Oh my god I've got to take a shower again, my hair's all screwed up", right, I want to use hairspray, but they say "Don't use hairspray, it's bad for the ozone", so I'm sitting in this concealed [sic] apartment, this concealed unit (you know I do live in a very apartment, right) but it's sealed (it's beautiful) I don't think anything gets out, and I'm not supposed to be using hairspray! **30 December 2015 [https://www.c-span.org/video/?402610-1/donald-trump-campaign-rally-hilton-head-south-carolina speaking at a rally in Hilton Head, SC] ===2016=== ====January 2016==== [[File:Donald_Trump_by_Gage_Skidmore_4.jpg|thumb|I'm very angry. Because our country is being run horribly. I will gladly accept the mantle of anger. Our military is a disaster. Our healthcare is a horror show. Obamacare, we're going to repeal it and replace it.<br> We have no borders. Our vets are being treated horribly. Illegal immigration is beyond belief! Our country is being run by incompetent people and yes, I am angry. I'm angry because our country is a mess!]] * The entire world has been upset. The entire world, it's a different place. During Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton's term, she's done a horrible job.<br>She has caused death. She has caused tremendous death with incompetent decisions. I was against the [[war in Iraq]]. I wasn't a politician, but I was against the war in Iraq. She voted for the war in Iraq.<br>Look at {{w|Libya}}. That was her baby. Look. I mean, I'm not even talking about the ambassador and the people with the ambassador. Young, wonderful people. With messages coming in by the hundreds, and she's not even responding. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about all of the death that's been caused and not only our side.<br>There was nothing saved. If we would have never done anything in the Middle East, we would have a much safer world right now. ... All of this has led to the migration. All of this has led to tremendous death and destruction. And she for the most part was in charge of it along with Obama.<br>She's constantly playing the woman card. It's the only way she may get elected. I mean frankly... Personally, I'm not sure that anybody else other than me is going to beat her. And I think she's a flawed candidate. And you see what's happened recently. And it hasn't been a very pretty picture for her or for Bill. Because I'm the only one that's willing to talk about his problems. I mean, what he did and what he has gone through I think is frankly terrible, especially if she wants to play the woman card.<br>I have more respect for women by far than Hillary Clinton has. And I will do more for women than Hillary Clinton will. I will do far more including the protection of our country. She caused a lot of the problems that we have right now. ** CBS interview with John Dickerson (taped 1 January 2016) for ''[[wikipedia:Face the Nation|Face the Nation]]'' — as quoted in [http://www.politico.com/story/2016/01/trump-hillary-clinton-donald-217294 "Trump: Clinton has ruined the world"] by Nick Gass, ''Politico'' (3 January 2016) * They've created ISIS. Hillary Clinton created ISIS with Obama; created with Obama. But I love predicting because you know, ultimately, you need somebody with vision. ** At a rally, as quoted in [http://www.businessinsider.com/donald-trump-hillary-clinton-created-isis-obama-2016-1 "TRUMP: 'Hillary Clinton created ISIS with Obama'"] by Colin Campbell, ''Business Insider'' (3 January 2016) * She [Clinton] has a terrible record as secretary of state. I mean, she's literally created ISIS. If you look at her, between her and Obama, they're the ones — we have this big ISIS problem they created with their bad policies and their bad thinking. ** On ''[[wikipedia:Fox & Friends|Fox & Friends]]'', as quoted in [http://www.businessinsider.com/donald-trump-hillary-clinton-created-isis-obama-2016-1 "TRUMP: 'Hillary Clinton created ISIS with Obama'"] by Colin Campbell, ''Business Insider'' (3 January 2016) * Mexico is going to be the new China because what they're doing to us is unbelievable, although they did catch El Chapo. Good? Good? They did catch El Chapo, that's good. I mean I don't know, he better not escape a third time, you know? Those tunnels, bing, boom, right under the toilet, bing boom, right up. It's pretty amazing when you think about it, right? But anyway. I have an idea: Put him on the fourth floor this time, right? No more, no more first floors. ** Speech (9 January 2016), as quoted in [http://www.cbsnews.com/news/el-chapo-on-donald-trump-mi-amigo/ "El Chapo on Donald Trump: 'Mi Amigo!"], by Rebecca Kaplan, ''CBS News'' (10 January 2016). * I'm very angry because our country is being run horribly and I will gladly accept the mantle of anger. Our military is a disaster. Our healthcare is a horror show. Obamacare, we're going to repeal it and replace it. We have no borders. Our vets are being treated horribly. Illegal immigration is beyond belief. Our country is being run by incompetent people. And yes, I am angry. I'm angry because our country is a mess. ** [http://time.com/4182096/republican-debate-charleston-transcript-full-text/ Full Transcript of the Sixth Republican Debate in Charleston], ''[[wikipedia:Time (magazine)|Time]]'' (14 January 2016). * And just so — if I could, because he insulted a lot of people. I've had more calls on that statement that [[Ted Cruz|Ted]] made — New York is a great place. It's got great people, it's got loving people, wonderful people. When the World Trade Center came down, I saw something that no place on [[Earth]] could have handled more beautifully, more humanely than New York. You had two one hundred, you had two 110-story buildings come crashing down. I saw them come down. Thousands of people killed, and the cleanup started the next day, and it was the most horrific cleanup, probably in the history of doing this, and in construction. I was down there, and I've never seen anything like it. And the people in New York fought and fought and fought, and we saw more death, and even the smell of death — nobody understood it. And it was with us for months, the smell, the air. And we rebuilt downtown Manhattan, and everybody in the world watched and everybody in the world loved New York and loved New Yorkers. And I have to tell you, that was a very insulting statement that Ted made. ** [http://time.com/4182096/republican-debate-charleston-transcript-full-text/ Full Transcript of the Sixth Republican Debate in Charleston], ''[[wikipedia:Time (magazine)|Time]]'' (14 January 2016). * The truth is, he's a nasty guy. He was so nice to me. I mean, I knew it. I was watching. I kept saying, 'Come on Ted. Let's go, okay.' But he's a nasty guy. Nobody likes him. Nobody in Congress likes him. Nobody likes him anywhere once they get to know him. He's a very –- he's got an edge that's not good. You can't make deals with people like that and it's not a good thing. It's not a good thing for the country. Very nasty guy. ** About [[Ted Cruz]] in an interview on ''[[wikipedia:This Week (ABC TV series)|This Week]]'' [http://www.realclearpolitics.com/video/2016/01/17/donald_trump_ted_cruz_is_a_nasty_guy_nobody_likes_him.html] (January 17, 2016) * [[wikipedia:Tony Perkins (politician)|Tony Perkins]] wrote that out for me -- he actually wrote out 2, he wrote out the number 2 Corinthians, I took exactly what Tony said, and I said, 'Well Tony has to know better than anybody. * It's a very small deal, but a lot of people in different sections of the world say two, and I've had many, many people say that to me. My mother, as you know, was from Scotland, and they say two. ** In an interview with {{w|CNN}}'s {{w|Don Lemon}}, about saying "two Corinthians" instead of "Second Corinthians" during a speech at Liberty University. [http://edition.cnn.com/2016/01/20/politics/donald-trump-tony-perkins-sarah-palin/] (January 22, 2016) * Ted Cruz lies. He's a liar. And that's why nobody likes him, that's why his Senate people won't endorse him. That's why he stands on the middle of the Senate floor and can't make a deal with anybody. He looks like a jerk. He's standing all by himself. And you know, there's something to say about having a little bit of ability to get other people to do things. You can't be a lone wolf and stand there. That's sort of what we have right now as a president. ** [http://www.msnbc.com/morning-joe/watch/trump-ted-cruz-lies-he-s-a-liar-608990275597 Morning Joe] (26 January 2016) * But you cannot say anymore that the United States is going to pay for the wall. I am just going to say that we are working it out. Believe it or not, this is the least important thing that we are talking about, but politically this might be the most important talk about. ** [https://www.washingtonpost.com/graphics/2017/politics/australia-mexico-transcripts/?utm_term=.95d2f93766d6 Full transcripts of Trump's calls with Mexico and Australia By Greg Miller, Julie Vitkovskaya and Reuben Fischer-Baum; Aug. 3, 2017] (Friday, January 27, 2017) * So what I would like to recommend is – if we are going to have continued dialogue – we will work out the wall. They are going to say, "who is going to pay for the wall, Mr. President?" to both of us, and we should both say, "we will work it out." It will work out in the formula somehow. As opposed to you saying, "we will not pay" and me saying, "we will not pay." ** [https://www.washingtonpost.com/graphics/2017/politics/australia-mexico-transcripts/?utm_term=.95d2f93766d6 Full transcripts of Trump's calls with Mexico and Australia By Greg Miller, Julie Vitkovskaya and Reuben Fischer-Baum; Aug. 3, 2017] (Friday, January 27, 2017) * Up in [[New Hampshire]] – I won New Hampshire because New Hampshire is a drug-infested den – is coming from the southern border. ** Actually, Clinton took NH; [https://www.washingtonpost.com/graphics/2017/politics/australia-mexico-transcripts/?utm_term=.95d2f93766d6 Full transcripts of Trump's calls with Mexico and Australia By Greg Miller, Julie Vitkovskaya and Reuben Fischer-Baum; Aug. 3, 2017] (Friday, January 27, 2017) =====Speech at {{w|Liberty University}} (18 January 2016)===== : <small>[http://www.c-span.org/video/?403331-1/donald-trump-remarks-liberty-university Presidential Candidate Donald Trump at Liberty University], ''C-SPAN'' (18 January 2016)</small> * I have read a lot about it and I watched it and [[w:Liberty University|Liberty University]], like a rocket ship, a really great rocket ship. * I'm in first place. I said when you're in first place, you discuss polls. * I love Iowa, and I'm going there right after this, going up to New Hampshire, I'm going to Iowa because I want to win Iowa. Everyone says don't say that. Just say you're going to do well. That's the closest, but I can't do that. The safe way is, I think I'll do well. I want to win Iowa. * We've done great with the evangelicals. The evangelicals have been amazing. The [[Tea Party movement|Tea Party]] has been amazing and we're doing really well. * We're going to protect [[Christianity]], and I can say that. I don't have to be {{w|politically correct}}. We're going to protect it. I hear this is a major theme right here, but [[wikipedia:2 Corinthians 3|two Corinthians, 3]]:17, that's the whole ball game. "''Where the Spirit of the Lord''", right, "''where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is [[liberty]]''", and here there is Liberty College, but Liberty University, but it is so true. You know, when you think -- and that's really -- is that the one? Is that the one you like? I think that's the one you like because I loved it, and it's so representative of what's taken place. But we are going to protect Christianity. And if you look what's going on throughout the world, you look at Syria where if you're Christian, they're chopping off heads. You look at the different places, and [[Christianity]], it's under siege. * I'm a [[Protestantism|protestant]]. I'm very proud of it, [[w:Presbyterian|Presbyterian]] to be exact, but I'm proud of it, very, very proud. And we've got to protect because bad things are happening, very bad things are happening, and we don't -- I don't know what it is. We don't band together, maybe. Other religions, frankly, they're banding together. * This is a movement. It is a movement going on. We want to take our country back. Our country is disappearing. You look at the kind of deals we make. You look at what's happening, our country is going in the wrong direction, and so wrong, and it's got to be stopped and it's got to be stopped fast. * And my generals, by the way, they're not going on television, OK? So the enemy can learn all about it. Oh, well, then we attack. * They have totally destabilized the Middle East. It's a disaster. * When our sailors were captured last week, I said that's one of the saddest things that I have seen when those young people were on their hands and knees in a begging position with their hands up and thugs behind them with guns, and then we talk like it's OK. It's not OK. It's lack of respect. We can't let that happen to this country. It's lack of respect. * The [[Persian people|Persians]], very good negotiators. Great negotiators, legendary negotiators. They're known for it. They're sitting across the table. * I hate to tell this to the woman, they're behind the fact, they're a little behind the fact. They haven't figured out that women may be in certain ways much better than men. But I don't want to say that because I will get myself in trouble with men. But they haven't figured this out yet but that's OK. * We're a debtor nation. We owe $19 trillion. We're not going to give you any money, and you want to be nice. You don't want to put it in their face. Just say, look, we're a poor nation. We've been mismanaged, we've been misrun. We don't know what the hell we're doing, right? * If I'm president, you're going to see 'Merry Christmas' in department stores, believe me. * We spent 5 trillion dollars in the Middle East and our country is going to hell. We gotta bring it back. We gotta knock the hell out of ISIS. * I want to see a woman president soon, but not [Hillary Clinton]. She's a disaster. She's a disaster. She's a disaster. I mean, just think of the corruption and the scandal... We don't want to go through it. We want to see winning. We want to see win, win, win – constant winning. And you'll say – if I'm president... 'Please, Mr. President, we're winning too much. We can't stand it anymore. Can't we have a loss?' And I'll say no, we're going to keep winning, winning, winning... because we're going to make America great again. And you'll say, 'Okay, Mr. President. Okay.' =====Speech at {{w|Dordt University}} (23 January 2016)===== *{{anchor|shoot somebody|reason=linked to from w:en:Template:FBDB}}The people, my people, are so smart, and you know what they say about my people? The polls. They say I have the most loyal people — did you ever see that? Where '''I could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and shoot somebody, and I wouldn't lose any voters'''. It's like incredible. No, they say, "Trump we love you too." Trump's voters are by far, ya know, I'm at sixty-eight and sixty-nine percent, I'm at ninety percent, total, like, "Will you say absolutely?" I think it's sixty-eight and sixty-nine percent. "Will you most likely stay?" That gets into the nineties. Other guys like a ten. A guy like [[Jeb Bush]], he has a nobody, but he's like, they don't have people. They have nothing. Rubio, soft. They're all soft. My people stay, by the way, Cruz, soft. When they heard about this thing with that he was bordering Canada, nobody knew them? He lost a lot of people! He's gone down big in the polls. Ted Cruz has gone down big in the polls. That doesn't mean he's giving us a fight in Iowa, that doesn't mean you can stay home, okay, see, you with the smile? It doesn't mean that. You gotta go out cause we can't take any chances. ** [http://time.com/4191598/donald-trump-says-he-could-shoot-somebody-and-not-lose-voters/ Speech at campaign rally] (23 January 2016), Sioux Center, Iowa. ====February 2016==== * To have a crowd like this on our final day, can you believe it, this is the day. This is the day we take our country back. Remember that. This is the day we take our country back. So I got a little notice in case you see it. It's security guys. We have wonderful security guys. They said, "Mr. Trump, there may be somebody with tomatoes in the audience." So if you see somebody getting ready to throw a tomato, knock the crap out of them, would you? Seriously... Okay? Just knock the hell... I promise you I will pay for the legal fees, I promise. I promise. There won't be so much cause the courts agree with us too. What's going on in this country. ** [https://www.washingtonpost.com/video/politics/trump-knock-the-crap-out-of-tomato-throwers/2016/02/01/1d1fe1e2-c92b-11e5-b9ab-26591104bb19_video.html At a rally in Cedar Rapids, Iowa.] (1 February 2016) * This has been going if it's not going to happen anymore, folks. We're going to bring businesses back. We're going to have businesses that used to be in [[New Hampshire]], that are now in Mexico, come back to New Hampshire and you can tell them to go f--- themselves...because they let you down, and they left. We want the businesses that stay. I know a lot of businesses up here and I knew a lot of businesses up here. These are great people, they could've left and they wanna stay. They willing to stay, they're fighting to stay. It's hard. With a highest tax nation in the entire world. It's hard for them to stay and they stay. Those are the people we have to cherish and love. These are the people that are great. ** [http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2016/may/18/priorities-usa-action/priorities-usa-donald-trump-women-ad/ At a rally in New Hampshire.] (4 February 2016) * '''Trump''': No, I didn't use the word. I never said the word, Bill. I don't know who told you -- I would never use the word. I didn't say the word. I said, "you can tell them to go [beat of silence] themselves."<br>'''O'Reilly''': But the lips kind of moved in the --<br>'''Trump''': Well, they might have. No, I didn't say the word. I wouldn't do that. Even I -- hey Bill, even I wouldn't do that, okay. No, I never said the word. ** On an interview on The O'Reilly Factor (6 February 2016) * [[Iraq|It]]'s the Harvard of Terrorists. ** [http://www.rawstory.com/2016/02/watch-as-charlie-rose-forces-trump-to-admit-he-agrees-with-obama-on-syria/ Interview with Charlie Rose] (17 February 2016) * Torture works, okay folks? [...] Believe me, it works. [...] Waterboarding is your minor form. Some people say it's not actually torture. Let's assume it is. But they asked me the question. What do you think of waterboarding? Absolutely fine. But we should go much stronger than waterboarding. That's the way I feel. ** [http://www.cbsnews.com/news/donald-trump-torture-works/ Donald Trump: "Torture works"]. CBS News (17 February 2016). Bluffton, South Carolina. * They were having [[terrorism]] problems, just like we do, and he caught 50 terrorists who did tremendous damage and killed many people. And he took the 50 terrorists, and he took 50 men and he dipped 50 bullets in pigs' blood — you heard that, right? He took 50 bullets, and he dipped them in pigs' blood. And he had his men load his rifles, and he lined up the 50 people, and they shot 49 of those people. And the 50th person, he said: You go back to your people, and you tell them what happened. And for 25 years, there wasn't a problem. Okay? Twenty-five years, there wasn't a problem. ** During a campaign stop in {{w|Pawley's Island, South Carolina}} (February 19, 2016) [http://www.nationalreview.com/corner/450574/donald-trump-tweet-fake-history-libel-war-crime]. Referring to a false story about [[John J. Pershing]] which has circulated on the Internet. * Bye bye. Look, see? He's smiling. See, he's having a good time. Oh, I love the old days, you know? You know what I hate? There's a guy, totally disruptive, throwing punches, we're not allowed to punch back anymore. I love the old days. You know what they used to do to guys like that when they were in a place like this? They'd be carried out on a stretcher, folks. You know, I love our police, and I really respect our police, and they're not getting enough. They're not. Honestly, I hate to see that. Here's a guy, throwing punches, nasty as hell, screaming at everything else when we're talking, and he's walking out, and we're not allowed -- you know, the guards are very gentle with him, he's walking out, like, big high fives, smiling, laughing -- I'd like to punch him in the face, I'll tell you. ** [http://www.weeklystandard.com/protester-would-be-carried-out-on-a-stretcher-in-the-old-days-trump-reminisces/article/2001211 At a rally in Las Vegas] (22 February 2016) * We won with young. We won with old. We won with highly educated. We won with poorly educated. '''I love the poorly educated.''' ** [http://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/donald-trump-declares-i-love-the-poorly-educated-as-he-storms-to-victory-in-nevada-caucus-a6893106.html Donald Trump declares 'I love the poorly educated' as he storms to victory in Nevada caucus], 24 February 2016 * '''Ted Cruz''': Donald, relax.<br>'''Donald Trump''': I'm relaxed. You're the basket case. Go ahead, don't get nervous. ** [http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/sns-wp-blm-carlson-6454d89c-dc90-11e5-8210-f0bd8de915f6-20160226-story.html CNN-Telemundo Republican debate] (25 February 2016) * If and when the Vatican is attacked by Isis, which as everyone knows is Isis’s ultimate trophy, the pope can have only wished and prayed that Donald Trump would have been president because this would not have happened. Isis would have been eradicated unlike what is happening now with our all talk, no action politicians. **As quoted in Ben Jacobs, ''[https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2016/feb/18/donald-trump-pope-francis-christian-wall-mexico-border Donald Trump calls Pope Francis 'disgraceful' for questioning his faith]'', ''The Guardian'' (February 18, 2016) ====March 2016==== * '''Donald Trump''': I think you've become very negative.<br>'''Bill O'Reilly''': Why would I do that?<br>'''Trump''': Who knows. You'll have to ask your psychiatrist. ** [http://www.politico.com/blogs/2016-gop-primary-live-updates-and-results/2016/03/donald-trump-bill-oreilly-gop-debate-220241 "Trump to O'Reilly: 'I think you've become very negative'"] by Nick Gass, ''Politico'' (3 March 2016) * Look at those hands. Are they small hands? And he referred to my hands — if they're small, something else must be small. I guarantee you there's no problem, I guarantee. ** Fox News Republican debate, {{#formatdate:2016-03-03}}, quoted in {{citation|date=2016-03-04|author=Gregory Krieg|title=Donald Trump defends size of his penis|periodical=CNN|url=https://www.cnn.com/2016/03/03/politics/donald-trump-small-hands-marco-rubio/index.html}} * '''Anderson Cooper''': Is Islam at war with the West?<br>'''Donald Trump''': I think Islam hates us. There is something there, there is a tremendous hatred there, and we have to get to the bottom of it. There is an unbelievable hatred of us.<br>'''Cooper''': In Islam itself?<br>'''Trump''': You're going to have to figure that out, but there is a tremendous hatred and we have to be very vigilant, we have to be very careful and we can't allow people coming into this country who have this hatred of the United States and of people that are not Muslim.<br>'''Cooper''': The question is is there a war between the West and radical Islam or is it between the West and Islam itself?<br>'''Trump''': Well it's radical but it's very hard to define, it's very hard to separate because you don't know who's who. ** 9 March CNN interview, as quoted in [http://www.ibtimes.co.uk/us-election-2016-donald-trump-tells-cnn-tv-interviewer-islam-hates-us-1548760 "US Election 2016: Donald Trump tells CNN TV interviewer 'Islam hates us'"] by Harriet Sinclair, ''International Business Times'' (10 March 2016) * Come on, get 'em out, police, please. Let's go! ... Nobody wants to hurt each other anymore. ** During a St Louis, Mo., rally, as quoted in [https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/get-him-out-racial-tensions-explode-at-donald-trumps-rallies/2016/03/11/b9764884-e6ee-11e5-bc08-3e03a5b41910_story.html "‘Get 'em out!' Racial tensions explode at Donald Trump's rallies"], by Jose A. DelReal, ''The Washington Post'' (12 March 2016), Washington, D.C. * I promise you, I will not be taking very long vacations, if I take them at all. There's no time for vacations. We're not going to be big on vacations. ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cC_3IxKcQIA Hardball with Chris Matthews, August 4, 2017] March 14, 2016 rally *Iran has already, since the deal is in place, test-fired ballistic missiles three times. Those ballistic missiles, with a range of 1,250 miles, were designed to intimidate not only Israel, which is only 600 miles away, but also intended to frighten Europe and someday maybe hit even the United States. And we're not going to let that happen. We're not letting it happen. And we're not letting it happen to Israel, believe me.<br>Thank you. Thank you.<br>Do you want to hear something really shocking? As many of the great people in this room know, painted on those missiles in both Hebrew and Farsi were the words "'''Israel must be wiped off the face of the earth'''." You can forget that.<br>What kind of demented minds write that in Hebrew? **[http://time.com/4267058/donald-trump-aipac-speech-transcript/ 21 March 2016] address to AIPAC (America-Israel Public Affairs Committee) * '''Obama''': But you would rule in the possibility to fight against ISIS.<br>'''Trump''': Well, I'm never gonna rule anything out. And I wouldn't wanna say. Even if I felt -- it wasn't going -- I wouldn't wanna tell you that because, at a minimum, I want them to think maybe that we would use it. ** As part of a conversation with Barack Obama about ruling out the use of nuclear weapons (March 23, 2016) reported [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/donald-trump-open-to-nuclear-retaliation-after-brussels-attack/ 24 March 2016 by CBS] * If Saudi Arabia was without the cloak of American protection, I don't think it would be around. ** Interview on foreign policy given on 25 March 2016, published: [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/03/27/us/politics/donald-trump-foreign-policy.html ''In Donald Trump's Worldview, America Comes First, and Everybody Else Pays''], ''The New York Times'' (26 March 2016) * I was angry because they sued. ** explaining why he withdrew the medical benefits to his nephew's infant son who had cerebral palsy, after his nephew claimed that the exclusion from {{W|Fred Trump}}'s will was a result of Donald Trump and his siblings unduly influencing the older man ** as quoted in [http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2016/09/donald-trumps-cruel-streak/501554/ Donald Trump's Cruel Streak], by Conor Friedersdorf, in ''{{W|The Atlantic}}''; published September 26, 2016; retrieved October 24, 2016 * Talking about success, most people think success is measured in the form of monetary success. It's not really. I mean to be a successful person is to have a great family, is who loves the family, loves the children and the children love him or her. To me that's a much more successful person than a person that has made a billion dollars or ten billion dollars, and is miserable and doesn't have a good family and nobody likes that person. I think I've seen every type of person there is that God created. **<small>''[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1xuAO0zKRAk Donald Trump talks about Success and Happiness - Motivational speech held in Wisconsin on March 30, 2016]'', Mike Mohamed on YouTube. (2:37 to 3:05)</small> ====April 2016==== * I can be presidential, but if I was presidential I would only have - about 20% of you would be here because it would be boring as hell. ** At a rally in Superior, Wisconsin (4 April 2016) * I love working. I'm not a vacation guy. Right? Like Obama, he plays golf in Hawaii. He flies in a 747. ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cC_3IxKcQIA Hardball with Chris Matthews, August 4, 2017] April 21, 2016 rally * If you love what you do, you're happy. You don't take vacations. ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cC_3IxKcQIA Hardball with Chris Matthews, August 4, 2017] April 22, 2016 rally =====Foreign Policy Speech (27 April 2016)===== [[File:Maga.png|thumb|No country has ever prospered that failed to put its own interests first.]] : <small>[http://www.nytimes.com/2016/04/28/us/politics/transcript-trump-foreign-policy.html Transcript: Donald Trump's Foreign Policy Speech], ''{{w|The New York Times}}'' (27 April 2016)</small> * It's time to shake the rust off [[Foreign policy of the United States|America's foreign policy]]. * My foreign policy will always put the interests of the American people and American security above all else... That will be the foundation of every single decision that I will make. [[America First (policy)|America First]] will be the major and overriding theme of my administration. * Our foreign policy is a complete and total disaster. No vision. No purpose. No direction. No strategy. * [[Barack Obama|President Obama]] has weakened [[United States Armed Forces|our military]] by weakening our economy. He's crippled us with wasteful spending, massive [[National debt|debt]], low growth, a huge trade deficit and open borders. * Our allies are not paying their fair share... The countries we are defending must pay for the cost of this defense, and if not, the U.S. must be prepared to let these countries defend themselves. We have no choice. * Israel, our great friend and the one true democracy in the Middle East has been snubbed and criticized by an administration that lacks moral clarity... President Obama has not been a friend to Israel. He has treated Iran with tender love and care and made it a great power. * We've let our rivals and challengers think they can get away with anything, and they do... If President Obama's goal had been to weaken America, he could not have done a better job. * We've made the Middle East more unstable and chaotic than ever before. We left Christians subject to intense persecution and even [[genocide]]. We have done nothing to help the Christians, nothing, and we should always be ashamed for that lack of action. * Hillary Clinton refuses to say the words radical Islam, even as she pushes for a massive increase in refugees coming into our country. After Secretary Clinton's failed intervention in Libya, [[wikipedia:2012 Benghazi attack|Islamic terrorists in Benghazi]] took down our consulate and killed our ambassador and three brave Americans. Then, instead of taking charge that night, Hillary Clinton decided to go home and sleep. Incredible. Clinton blames it all on a video, an excuse that was a total lie, proven to be absolutely a total lie. Our ambassador was murdered and our secretary of state misled the nation. * We're also going to have to change our trade, immigration and economic policies to make our economy strong again. And to put Americans first again. This will ensure that our own workers, right here in America, get the jobs and higher pay that will grow our tax revenues, increase our economic might as a nation. * I believe an easing of tensions, and improved relations with Russia from a position of strength only is possible. * Americans must know that we're putting the American people first again on trade, on immigration, on foreign policy. The jobs, incomes and security of the [[Working class in the United States|American worker]] will always be my first priority. No country has ever prospered that failed to put its own interests first. Both our friends and our enemies put their countries above ours and we, while being fair to them, must start doing the same. We will no longer surrender this country or its people to the false song of [[globalism]]. The nation-state remains the true foundation for happiness and harmony. I am skeptical of international unions that tie us up and bring America down, and will never enter America into any agreement that reduces our ability to control our own affairs. ====May 2016==== * We have a 500 billion dollar deficit, trade deficit with China. We're going to turn it around and we have the cards, don't forget, we're like the piggy bank that's being robbed. We have the cards, we have a lot of power with China. When China doesn't want to fix the problem in North Korea we say "Sorry folks, you've got to fix the problem." '''Because we can't continue to allow China to rape [[United States|our country]], and that's what they're doing. It's the greatest theft in the history of the world.''' **[https://www.bbc.com/news/av/world-us-canada-36185275/china-accused-of-trade-rape-by-donald-trump "China accused of trade 'rape' by Donald Trump"] ''BBC'' (2 May 2016) * You've been hearing me say it's a rigged system, but now I don't say it anymore because I won. It's true. Now I don't care. ** [http://www.washingtonexaminer.com/trump-gop-rigged-but-i-dont-care-because-i-won/article/2590545 "Trump: GOP 'rigged,' but I don't care because I won"] by Ryan Lovelace, ''Washington Examiner'' (5 May 2016) *Happy #CincoDeMayo! The best taco bowls are made in Trump Tower Grill. I love Hispanics! **Twitter, [https://x.com/realDonaldTrump/status/728297587418247168?lang=en 5 May 2016] ====June 2016==== * It's going to be like this. I'm not changing. ** Answer to the question whether the American public could expect a similar dynamic if he would win the presidential elections, quoted in {{citation |date=2016-06-01 |title=Donald Trump: Questions on money for war veterans |author=Alan Fisher |periodical=Al Jazeera |url=http://www.aljazeera.com/blogs/americas/2016/05/donald-trump-fumes-veterans-money-questions-160531203455389.html}} * '''He's a [[Mexicans|Mexican]]'''. We're building a wall between here and Mexico. ** About American judge Gonzalo Curiel (3 June 2016), as quoted in {{citation |date=2016-06-04 |title=Trump Presses Case That 'Mexican' Judge Curiel Is Biased Against Him |author=Nina Totenberg |periodical=National Public Radio |url=http://www.npr.org/2016/06/04/480714972/trump-presses-case-that-mexican-judge-curiel-is-biased-against-him}} * I'm truly honored by your support. Together, we accomplished what nobody thought was absolutely possible and you know what that is and we're only getting started and it's going to be beautiful, remember that. Tonight we close one chapter in history and we begin another. Our campaign received more primary votes than any GOP campaign in history, no matter who it is, no matter who they are, we received more votes. This is a great feeling. That's a great feeling. This is not a testament to me but a testament to all of the people who believed real change, not Obama change, but real change is possible. You've given me the honor to lead the Republican Party to victory this fall. ** Victory speech after winning New Jersey and other states Tuesday night (7 June 2016) – [http://time.com/4360872/donald-trump-new-jersey-victory-speech-transcript/ ''Time'' transcript] * To those who voted for someone else in either party, I will work hard to earn your support and I will work very hard to earn that support. To all of those [[Bernie Sanders]] voters who have been left out in the cold by a rigged system of super delegates, we welcome you with open arms. And by the way, the terrible trade deals that Bernie was so vehemently against and he's right on that will be taken care of far better than anyone ever thought possible and that's what I do. We are going to have fantastic trade deals. We're going to start making money and bringing in jobs. ** Victory speech after winning New Jersey and other states Tuesday night (7 June 2016) – [http://time.com/4360872/donald-trump-new-jersey-victory-speech-transcript/ ''Time'' transcript] * My goal is always again to bring people together. But if I'm forced to fight for something I really care about, I will never, ever back down and our country will never, ever back down. Thank you. I've fought for my family. I've fought for my business. I've fought for my employees. And now, I'm going to fight for you, the American people like nobody has ever fought before. ** Victory speech after winning New Jersey and other states Tuesday night (7 June 2016) – [http://time.com/4360872/donald-trump-new-jersey-victory-speech-transcript/ ''Time'' transcript] * We're led by [[Barack Obama|a man]] that either is not tough, not smart, or he's got something else in mind. And the something else in mind, you know, people can't believe it, people cannot believe that President Obama is acting the way he acts and can't even mention the words 'radical Islamic terrorism. There's something going on — it's inconceivable. There's something going on. He doesn't get it, or he gets it better than anybody understands. It's one or the other, and either one is unacceptable. ** Phone interview on ''Fox and Friends'', as quoted in {{citation |date=2016-06-13 |title=Trump on Obama and Islam: 'There's something going on' |author=Jesse Byrnes |periodical=The Hill |url=http://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/news/283246-trump-on-obama-and-islam-theres-something-going-on}} * Belgium is a beautiful city. * Belgium is not the Belgium that you and I knew, Matt, from 20 years ago, which was one of the most beautiful cities and one of the safest cities in the world. Belgium is a horror show right now. ** [https://www.thebulletin.be/belgium-beautiful-city-according-donald-trump "Belgium is a “beautiful city”, according to Donald Trump"], ''The Bulletin'' (June 16, 2016) * Look, companies now are leaving the United States. Corporate inversion, they're leaving the United States, we have almost $5 trillion sitting out there, where they can't get the money back, they can't bring it in because there's no mechanism to bring it back in and the tax is so high. I'm going to bring tremendous amounts of money, tremendous amounts of jobs, tremendous numbers of companies, and yes the [[wikipedia:Political positions of Donald Trump#Taxes,_spending,_and_budget|tax is going to be cut]] from the highest tax nation anywhere in the world to a fairly low tax. Not the lowest in the world, but to a fairly low tax. * <p>'''Norah O'Donnell:''' Hillary Clinton called you the king of debt.</p><p>'''Donald Trump:''' Well, no she didn't call me, I called myself the king of debt. '''I'm the king of debt.''' I'm great with debt, nobody knows debt better than me. I made a fortune by using debt. And if things don't work out I renegotiate the debt, I mean that's a smart thing not a stupid thing. And I made a fortune.</p><p>'''O'Donnell:''' How do you renegotiate the debt?</p><p>'''Trump:''' Because you go back and you say, hey, guess what, the economy just crashed, I'm going to give you back half. I like debt for me, I don't like debt for the country. I like debt for my company, but I don't like debt for the country. For the country we have $19 trillion in debt, it's going to be very soon $21 trillion, not billion, $21 trillion in debt. And I will tell you we are sitting on a time bomb and Hillary Clinton doesn't have a clue. And President Obama has pretty much doubled the debt since he's been in office and somebody's going to pay a big price. We have to start chopping that debt down.</p><p>'''O'Donnell:''' [[Janet Yellen]], who you know, the chairman of the [[Federal Reserve System|Federal Reserve]] blasted you for saying that the U.S. could load up on debt and then make a deal with creditors if the [[Economy of the United States|economy]] has soured. She said there would be very severe consequences if an elected president tried to renegotiate the nation's debt.</p><p>'''Trump:''' I wouldn't renegotiate the debt.</p> ** In an interview with ''{{w|CBS This Morning'}}'' {{w|Norah O'Donnell}}, {{#formatdate:2016-06-22}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2016-06-22 |title=CBS' Norah O'Donnell Challenges Trump On His Economic Plan |periodical=Media Matters for America |url=https://www.mediamatters.org/donald-trump/cbs-norah-odonnell-challenges-trump-his-economic-plan}} * Our enemies probably know every single one [of Clinton's deleted emails]. So they probably now have a blackmail file. . . . We can't hand over our government to someone whose deepest, darkest secrets may be in the hands of our enemies. Can't do it." ** speech, {{#formatdate:2016-06-22}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2016-06-22 |title=Nobody brings the crazy quite like Trump |author=Dana Milbank |periodical=Washington Post |url=http://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/nobody-brings-the-crazy-quite-like-trump/2016/06/22/74ba5692-38bd-11e6-9ccd-d6005beac8b3_story.html}} =====Speech about the Orlando Shooting (June 13, 2016)===== : <small>Speech after the [[wikipedia:2016 Orlando nightclub shooting|2016 Orlando nightclub shooting]] ([http://time.com/4367120/orlando-shooting-donald-trump-transcript/ transcript])</small> * So many people — it's just hard to believe, but just so many people dead, so many people gravely injured, so much carnage, such a disgrace. The horror is beyond description. The families of these wonderful people are totally devastated, and they will be forever. Likewise, our whole nation and indeed the whole world is devastated. * Our nation stands together in solidarity with the members of Orlando's LGBT community. They have been through something that nobody could ever experience. This is a very dark moment in [[History of the United States|America's history]]. A radical Islamic terrorist targeted the [[wikipedia:Pulse (nightclub)|nightclub]], not only because he wanted to kill Americans, but in order to execute [[LGBT in the United States|gay and lesbian citizens]], because of their [[sexual orientation]]. * It's a strike at the heart and soul of who we are as a nation. It's an assault on the ability of free people to live their lives, love who they want, and express their identity. It's an attack on the right of every single American to live in peace and safety in their own country. * We're not acting clearly, we're not talking clearly, we've got problems. * We have a dysfunctional immigration system, which does not permit us to know who we let into our country, and it does not permit us to protect our citizens properly. We have an incompetent administration. * The [[wikipedia:List of United States immigration laws|immigration laws of the United States]] give the president powers to suspend entry into the country of any class of persons. Now, any class — it really is determined and to be determined by the president for the interests of the United States. And it's as he or she deems appropriate. Hopefully it's he in this case. * When I'm elected I will suspend immigration from areas of the world where there's a proven history of terrorism against the United States, Europe or our allies until we fully understand how to end these threats. ... After a full and partial and long — really long overdue security assessment we will develop a responsible immigration policy that serves the interests and values of America. * We cannot continue to allow thousands upon thousands of people to pour into our country many of whom have the same thought process as this savage killer. Many of the principles of radical Islam are incompatible with Western values and institutions. Remember this, radical Islam is [[Misogyny|anti-woman]], [[Homophobia|anti-gay]] and [[Anti-Americanism|anti- American]]. I refuse to allow America to become a place where gay people, Christian people, Jewish people are targets of persecution and intimation by radical Islamic preachers of hate and violence. This is not just a [[national security]] issue. It's a quality of life issue. If we want to protect the quality of life for all Americans — women and children, gay and straight, Jews and Christians and all people then we need to tell the truth about radical Islam and we need to do it now. We need to tell the truth also about how radical Islam is coming to our shores. And it's coming. * We're importing radical [[Islamic terrorism]] into the West through a failed immigration system and through an intelligence community held back by our president. * They share these oppressive views and values. We want to remain a free and open society. Then, and if we do, then we have to control our borders. We have to control, and we have to control them now, not later. Right now. * Hillary Clinton, for months, and despite so many attacks, repeatedly refused to even say the words radical Islam until I challenged her yesterday. And, guess what, she will probably say them. She sort of has said them, but let's see what happens. She really has no choice, but she doesn't want to. However, she's really been forced, and she has been forced to say these words. She supports, and the reason is, she supports so much of what is wrong, and what is wrong with this country, and what's going wrong with our country and our borders. She has no clue, in my opinion, what radical Islam is and she won't speak honestly about it if she does, in fact, know. She's in total denial, and her continuing reluctance to ever name the enemy broadcasts weakness across the entire world — true weakness. * She says the solution is to [[Firearms regulation|ban guns]]. They tried that in [[France]] which has among the toughest gun laws anywhere in the world, and 130 people were brutally murdered by Islamic terrorists in cold blood. Her plan is to disarm law abiding Americans, abolishing the Second Amendment, and leaving only the bad guys and terrorists with guns. No good. Not going to happen, folks. ... She wants to take away American's guns and then admit the very people who want to slaughter us. Let them come into the country, we don't have guns. Let them come in, let them have all the fun they want. * [[wikipedia:Political positions of Hillary Clinton#Immigration_policy|Hillary Clinton's catastrophic immigration plan]] will bring vastly more radical Islamic immigration into this country, threatening not only our society but our entire way of life. When it comes to radical Islamic terrorism, ignorance is not bliss. It's deadly — totally deadly. ... Clinton's State Department was in charge of admissions and the admissions process for people applying to enter from overseas. Having learned nothing from these attacks, she now plans to massively increase admissions without a screening plan including a 500 percent increase in Syrian refugees coming into our country. Tell me, tell me – how stupid is that? This could be a better, bigger, more horrible version than the legendary [[Trojan Horse]] ever was. Altogether, under the Clinton plan, you'd be admitting hundreds of thousands of refugees from the Middle East with no system to vet them, or to prevent the radicalization of the children and their children. Not only their children, by the way, they're trying to take over our children and convince them how wonderful ISIS is and how wonderful Islam is and we don't know what's happening. The burden is on Hillary Clinton to tell us why she believes immigration from these dangerous countries should be increased without any effective system to really to screen. We're not screening people. * We have, just, no [[wikipedia:Intelligence gathering network|intelligence gathering information]]. We need this information so badly. ... We need an intelligence gathering system second to none. Second to none. That includes better cooperation between state, local and federal officials, and with our allies, very importantly. I will have an Attorney General, a Director of National Intelligence and a Secretary of Defense who'll know how to fight a war on radical Islamic terrorism. * They have put political correctness above common sense, above your safety, and above all else. I refuse to be politically correct. * The days of deadly ignorance will end, and they will end soon. * The media talks about home grown terrorism but Islamic radicalism and that's a very, very important term — a term that the president refuses to use and the networks that nurture it are imports from overseas whether you like it or whether you don't like it. Yes, there are many radicalized people already inside our country as a result of poor policies of the past. * Hillary Clinton can never claim to be a friend of the gay community as long as she continues to support immigration policies that bring [[Islamic extremists]] to our country and who suppress women, gays and anyone who doesn't share their views or values. * Clinton wants to allow radical Islamic terrorists to pour into our country. They enslave women, and they murder gays. I don't want them in our country. * Immigration is a privilege, and we should not let anyone into this country who doesn't support our communities. All of our communities, every single one of them. * I want every American to succeed including [[wikipedia:Islam in the United States|Muslims]]. But the Muslims have to work with us. They have to work with us. They know what's going on. They know that he was bad. They knew the people in San Bernardino were bad. But you know what? They didn't turn them in. And you know what? [[wikipedia:2015 San Bernardino attack|We had death, and destruction]]. * Hillary Clinton wants to empty out the {{w|Treasury}} to bring people into the country that include individuals who preach hate against our citizens. I want to protect our citizens, all of our citizens. * America must do more — much more — to protect its citizens, especially people who are potential victims of crimes based on their backgrounds or sexual orientation, as you just saw in Orlando. * The decision to overthrow the regime in Libya, then pushing for the overthrow of the regime in Syria, among other things, without plans for the day after, have created space for ISIS to expand and grow like nobody has ever seen before. These actions, along with our disastrous Iran deal, have also reduced our ability to work in partnership with our Muslim allies in the region. That is why our new goal must be to defeat Islamic terrorism not nation building. No more nation building. It's never going to work. * The last major [[NATO]] mission was Hillary Clinton's war in Libya. That mission helped to unleash ISIS on a new continent. * America must unite the whole civilized world in the fight against Islamic terrorism. Pretty much [[wikipedia:Anti-communism#United_States|like we did with communism]] during the [[Cold War]]. We tried it President Obama's way, doesn't work. He gave the world his apology tour. We got ISIS and many other problems in return. That's what we got. Remember the famous apology tour. We're sorry for everything. ====July 2016==== * [[Saddam Hussein]] was a bad guy. Right? He was a bad guy, really bad guy. But you know what he did well? He killed terrorists. He did that so good. They didn't read them the rights—they didn't talk, they were a terrorist, it was over. [...] Today, Iraq is Harvard for terrorism. You want to be a terrorist, you go to Iraq. It's like Harvard. Okay? So sad. ** At a campaign rally in Raleigh, North Carolina (July 5, 2016), as cited in [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-politics/wp/2016/07/05/donald-trump-praises-saddam-hussein-for-killing-terrorists-so-good/ "Donald Trump praises Saddam Hussein for killing terrorists ‘so good’"] ''The Washington Post'' (July 5, 2016). ** [[w:Jake Sullivan|Jake Sullivan]], then a policy advisor to Hillary Clinton, stated: "Hussein's regime was a sponsor of terrorism — one that paid families of suicide bombers who attacked Israelis, among other crimes." * I'll stand up for Article Two, Article 12, you name it of the Constitution. ** About the U.S. Constitution, which only has seven articles and 27 amendments; as recounted by [[Mark Sanford]], quoted in [http://talkingpointsmemo.com/dc/trump-changes-few-minds-with-meeting-on-the-hill "Trump Manages To Give Some House GOPers More Heartburn In Hill Meeting"] (2016), ''Talking Points Memo'' (July 7, 2016). * ''[Interviewer: You're not known to be a humble man. But I wonder—]'' I think I am actually humble. I think I'm much more humble than you would understand. ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1R42mFx3_ss During an interview] by {{WP|Lesley Stahl}} on ''{{WP|60 Minutes}}'' (17 July 2016) * Look, having nuclear—my uncle was a great professor and [[Scientists|scientist]] and [[Engineering|engineer]], Dr. John Trump at [[Massachusetts Institute of Technology|MIT]]; good genes, very good genes, OK, very smart, the [[w:Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania|Wharton School of Finance]], very good, very smart—you know, if you're a [[Conservatism|conservative]] Republican, if I were a [[Liberalism|liberal]], if, like, OK, if I ran as a liberal Democrat, they would say I'm one of the smartest people anywhere in the world—it's true!—but when you're a conservative Republican they try—oh, do they do a number—that's why I always start off: Went to Wharton, was a good student, went there, went there, did this, built a fortune—you know I have to give my like credentials all the time, because we're a little disadvantaged—but you look at the nuclear deal, the thing that really bothers me—it would have been so easy, and it's not as important as these lives are—nuclear is powerful; my uncle explained that to me many, many years ago, the power and that was 35&nbsp;years ago; he would explain the power of what's going to happen and he was right, who would have thought?—but when you look at what's going on with the four prisoners—now it used to be three, now it's four—but when it was three and even now, I would have said it's all in the messenger; fellas, and it is fellas because, you know, they don't, they haven't figured that the women are smarter right now than the men, so, you know, it's gonna take them about another 150&nbsp;years—but the Persians are great negotiators, the Iranians are great negotiators, so, and they, they just killed, they just killed us. ** Speech in South Carolina (19 July 2016) * Russia, if you're listening, I hope you're able to find the 30,000 emails that are missing. I think you will probably be rewarded mightily by our press. ** Press conference, reported in Ashley Parker and David E. Sanger, "[http://www.nytimes.com/2016/07/28/us/politics/donald-trump-russia-clinton-emails.html? Donald Trump Calls on Russia to Find Hillary Clinton's Missing Emails], ''The New York Times'' (July 27, 2016). * Though [[Bernie Sanders|Bernie]] is exhausted and has given up on his [[revolution]], many of his voters still want to keep up the fight. I expect that millions of Bernie voters will refuse to vote for Hillary because of her support for the War in Iraq, the [[2011 Libyan civil war|invasion of Libya]], [[wikipedia:North American Free Trade Agreement|NAFTA]] and [[w:Trans-Pacific Partnership|TPP]], and of course because she is totally bought and sold by [[Special-interest group|special interests]]. She and [[Bill Clinton|her husband]] have been paid millions and millions by [[Multinational corporation|global corporations]] and powerful interests who will control her every decision. She is their puppet, and they pull the strings. We welcome with open arms all voters who want an honest [[Federal government of the United States|government]] and to fix [[Politics of the United States|our rigged system]] so it works for the people. This includes fixing one of Bernie's biggest issues, our terrible trade deals that strip our country of its jobs and wealth. ** ''[http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2016/07/donald-trump-reddit-ama-ask-me-anything/493361/ How Donald Trump Beat Reddit]'', ''{{w|The Atlantic}}'' (July 28, 2016) * The things that were said about me. … You know what, I wanted to hit a couple of those speakers so hard. ... I was gonna hit one guy in particular, a very little guy. I was gonna hit this guy so hard, his head would spin. He wouldn't know what the hell happened. ** Press conference, reported in Jacob Bogage, "[https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2016/07/29/i-wanted-to-hit-a-couple-of-those-speakers-so-hard-trump-says-of-dem-convention-critics/ ‘I wanted to hit a couple of those speakers so hard', Trump says of Democratic convention]", ''The Washington Post'' (July 29, 2016). * A guy who didn't have the guts to run for president. Little Michael. He doesn't know anything about me. But he never had the guts to run. He probably wished he did but he didn't. He spent millions of dollars on polling but he was missing one thing: guts. Little Michael. ** On [[Michael Bloomberg]]'s speech about Trump. At an interview with ''[[wikipedia:The New York Times|The New York Times'<nowiki/>]]'' [[Maureen Dowd]]. [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/07/30/opinion/trumps-thunderbolts.html] (July 29, 2016) * Obama gave a good speech but not nearly as good as the press would have you believe. Whether it's good or bad, the press will say it's fantastic. In many ways, I like Obama. It's hard to define. There's something about him I do like. I'm embarrassed to admit it. I give him a lot of credit. It's very unique and very hard to do and I give him tremendous credit. He became a two-term president of the United States. He's got some quality going. ** At an interview with ''[[wikipedia:The New York Times|The New York Times'<nowiki/>]]'' [[Maureen Dowd]]. [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/07/30/opinion/trumps-thunderbolts.html] (July 29, 2016) * Emails in general are terrible. There's no security. It happens so often. I'm old-fashioned. I put a letter in an envelope and have it hand delivered. My son is 10 years old, and he has grown up [[Computers|computer]] literate. They start using computers before they can walk. His computer was locked and he unlocked it. And I said, ‘[[w:Barron Trump|Barron]], how did you do that?' And he said, ‘I won't tell you, Dad. ** At an interview with ''[[wikipedia:The New York Times|The New York Times'<nowiki/>]]'' [[Maureen Dowd]]. [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/07/30/opinion/trumps-thunderbolts.html] (July 29, 2016) * Putin said I was a genius. I do say this: Wouldn't it be wonderful if we actually could get along with Russia and China and some other countries that we don't get along with, and then we go out and knock the hell out of ISIS? Wouldn't it be nice if we cleaned that mess up? Wouldn't it be smart? ** At an interview with ''[[wikipedia:The New York Times|The New York Times'<nowiki/>]]'' [[Maureen Dowd]]. [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/07/30/opinion/trumps-thunderbolts.html] (July 29, 2016) * I think he's a pervert. It's dangerous to allow him on the convention floor. ** About [[Anthony Weiner]] on the {{w|2016 Democratic National Convention}}. At an interview with ''[[wikipedia:The New York Times|The New York Times'<nowiki/>]]'' [[Maureen Dowd]]. [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/07/30/opinion/trumps-thunderbolts.html] (July 29, 2016) * Captain [[wikipedia:Humayun Khan (soldier)|Humayun Khan]] was a hero to our country and we should honor all who have made the ultimate sacrifice to keep our country safe. The real problem here are the radical Islamic terrorists who killed him, and the efforts of these radicals to enter our country to do us further harm. Given the state of the world today, we have to know everything about those looking to enter our country, and given the state of chaos in some of these countries, that is impossible. While I feel deeply for the loss of his son, Mr. Khan who has never met me, has no right to stand in front of millions of people and claim I have never read the Constitution, (which is false) and say many other inaccurate things. If I become President, I will make America safe again. * Hillary Clinton should be held accountable for her central role in destabilizing the Middle East. She voted to send the United States to war against Iraq, helped lead the disastrous withdrawal of American troops years later that created the vacuum allowing the rise of ISIS, and has never met a [[wikipedia:United States involvement in regime change|regime change]] she didn't like (which have all been disasters) – not to mention her invasion of Libya and her abandonment of American personnel in Benghazi. The loss of these lives in Libya is directly traceable to Clinton, but their families' testimonials were rejected by the media. * Clinton's actions have been reckless and have directly led to the loss of American lives. And her extreme immigration policies, as also laid out by American victims in Cleveland, will cause the preventable deaths of countless more -- while putting all residents, from all places, at greater risk of terrorism. As Bernie Sanders said on numerous occasions, Hillary Clinton suffers from "bad judgement." She is not qualified to serve as Commander in Chief. ** Written statement responding to [[Khizr M. Khan]] [http://web.archive.org/web/20160731082150/https://www.donaldjtrump.com/press-releases/setting-the-record-straight] (July 30, 2016) ====={{w|2016 Republican National Convention}} (21 July 2016)===== [[File:Donald Trump 2016 RNC speech (1).jpg|thumb|I have joined the [[political]] arena so that the [[powerful]] can no longer beat up on [[people]] that cannot defend themselves. <br /> Nobody knows the [[system]] better than me, which is why I alone can fix it.]] : <small>[https://www.vox.com/2016/7/21/12253426/donald-trump-acceptance-speech-transcript-republican-nomination-transcript "Full transcript of Donald Trump’s acceptance speech at the RNC", ''Vox'' (22 July 2016)] · [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fs0pZ_GrTy8 "Donald Trump's entire Republican convention speech", ''CNN'' (21 July 2016)] · [http://www.politico.com/story/2016/07/full-transcript-donald-trump-nomination-acceptance-speech-at-rnc-225974 Donald Trump 2016 RNC draft speech transcript], ''{{w|Politico}}'' (21 July 2016)</small> * The attacks on our [[Law enforcement in the United States|police]], and the terrorism in our cities, threaten our very way of life. Any politician who does not grasp this danger is not fit to lead our country. * Americans watching this address tonight have seen the recent images of violence in our streets and the chaos in our communities. Many have witnessed this violence personally. Some have even been its victims. <br /> I have a message for all of you: The crime and violence that today afflicts our nation will soon — and I mean very soon come to an end. Beginning on January 20th 2017, safety will be restored. <br /> The most basic duty of government is to defend the lives of its citizens. Any government that fails to do so is a government unworthy to lead. * It is finally time for a straightforward assessment of the state of our nation. I will present the facts plainly and honestly. We cannot afford to be so politically correct anymore. <br /> So if you want to hear the corporate spin, the carefully-crafted lies, and the media myths — the Democrats are holding their convention next week. Go there. <br /> But here, at our convention, there will be no lies. We will honor the American people with the truth, and nothing else. * Decades of progress made in bringing down crime are now being reversed by this Administration's rollback of criminal enforcement. * America is far less safe – and the world is far less stable – than when Obama made the decision to put Hillary Clinton in charge of America's foreign policy. I am certain it is a decision he truly regrets. Her bad instincts and her bad judgment – something pointed out by Bernie Sanders – are what caused the disasters unfolding today. * This is the legacy of Hillary Clinton: death, destruction and weakness. * The problems we face now – [[Poverty in the United States|poverty]] and violence at home, war and destruction abroad – will last only as long as we continue relying on the same politicians who created them. A change in leadership is required to change these outcomes. * There can be no prosperity without [[wikipedia:Law and order (politics)|law and order]] * Our plan will put America First. [[wikipedia:Americanism (ideology)|Americanism]], not globalism, will be our credo. As long as we are led by politicians who will not put America First, then we can be assured that other nations will not treat America with respect. * Big business, elite media and major donors are lining up behind the campaign of my opponent because they know she will keep our rigged system in place. They are throwing money at her because they have total control over everything she does. She is their puppet, and they pull the strings. That is why Hillary Clinton's message is that things will never change. My message is that things have to change – and they have to change right now. * Every day I wake up determined to deliver for the people I have met all across this nation that have been neglected, ignored, and abandoned. I have visited the laid-off factory workers, and the communities crushed by our horrible and unfair trade deals. These are the forgotten men and women of our country, and they are forgotten, but they're not going to be forgotten long. These are people who work hard but no longer have a voice. I AM YOUR VOICE. * I have no patience for injustice, no tolerance for government incompetence, no sympathy for leaders who fail their citizens. * When innocent people suffer, because our political system lacks the will, or the courage, or the basic decency to enforce our [[Law|laws]] – or worse still, has sold out to some corporate lobbyist for cash – I am not able to look the other way. * When a [[United States Secretary of State|Secretary of State]] illegally stores her emails on a private server, deletes 33,000 of them so the authorities can't see her crime, puts our country at risk, lies about it in every different form and faces no consequence – I know that corruption has reached a level like never before. * I have joined the political arena so that the powerful can no longer beat up on people that cannot defend themselves. '''Nobody knows the system better than me, which is why I alone can fix it'''. <br /> I have seen firsthand how the system is rigged against our citizens, just like it was rigged against Bernie Sanders – he never had a chance. * [[Mike Pence|He]] (Mike Pence) is a man of character and accomplishment. He is the right man for the job. * An attack on law enforcement is an attack on all Americans. I have a message to every last person threatening the peace on our streets and the safety of our police: when I take the oath of office next year, I will restore law and order our country. * In this race for the White House, I am the Law And Order candidate. ... I will work to ensure that all of our kids are treated equally, and protected equally. ** "I am the law-and-order candidate" was a phrase used by [[Richard Nixon]] during his [[w:Richard Nixon 1968 presidential campaign|1968 presidential campaign]]. * Once again, [[France]] is the [[wikipedia:2016 Nice attack|victim of brutal Islamic terrorism]]. Men, women and children viciously mowed down. Lives ruined. Families ripped apart. A nation in mourning. * I will do everything in my power to protect our [[LGBT]] citizens from the violence and oppression of a hateful foreign ideology. * We must work with all of our allies who share our goal of destroying ISIS and stamping out Islamic terror. This includes working with our greatest ally in the region, the State of Israel. * We must immediately suspend immigration from any nation that has been compromised by terrorism until such time as proven vetting mechanisms have been put in place. * I only want to admit individuals into our country who will support our values and love our people. Anyone who endorses violence, hatred or oppression is not welcome in our country and never will be. * Decades of record immigration have produced lower wages and higher unemployment for our citizens, especially for African-American and Latino workers. We are going to have an immigration system that works, but one that works for the American people. * Of all my travels in this country, nothing has affected me more deeply than the time I have spent with the mothers and fathers who have lost their children to violence spilling across our border. * We are going to build a great border wall to stop illegal immigration, to stop the gangs and the violence, and to stop the drugs from pouring into our communities. * Peace will be restored. * We are going to be considerate and compassionate to everyone. But my greatest compassion will be for our own struggling citizens. * Americans want relief from uncontrolled immigration. Communities want relief. * I'm going to make our country rich again. I am going to turn our bad trade agreements into great ones. * I pledge to never sign any trade agreement that hurts our workers, or that diminishes our freedom and independence. Instead, I will make individual deals with individual countries. * No longer will we enter into these massive deals, with many countries, that are thousands of pages long – and which no one from our country even reads or understands. We are going to enforce all trade violations, including through the use of taxes and tariffs, against any country that cheats. * We'll walk away if we don't get the deal that we want. * Reducing taxes will cause new companies and new jobs to come roaring back into our country. * My Dad, {{w|Fred Trump}}, was the smartest and hardest working man I ever knew. * I have loved my life in business. * We must break free from the petty politics of the past. * America is a nation of believers, dreamers, and strivers that is being led by a group of censors, critics, and cynics. * All of the people telling you that you can't have the country you want, are the same people telling you that I wouldn't be standing here tonight. No longer can we rely on those elites in media, and politics, who will say anything to keep a rigged system in place. * We must choose to Believe In America. History is watching us now. * My opponent asks her supporters to recite a three word loyalty pledge. It reads, "I'm with her." I choose to recite a different pledge. My pledge reads, "I'm with you – the American people." I am your voice. So to every parent who dreams for their child, and every child who dreams for a better future, I say these words to you tonight: I'm with you, and I will fight for you, and I will win for you. To all Americans tonight, in all of our cities and towns, I make this promise: We will make America proud again, we will make America strong again, we will make America safe again, and we will Make America Great Again! God bless you and good night! I love you! =====''[[wikipedia:This Week (ABC TV series)|This Week]]'' Interview (July 30, 2016)===== : <small>Interview on {{w|ABC News}}' ''{{w|This Week}}'' with [[George Stephanopoulos]]. [http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/week-transcript-donald-trump-vice-president-joe-biden/story?id=41020870 Transcript] (31 July 2016)</small> * She's (Hillary Clinton) a very dishonest person. I have one of the great temperaments. I have a winning temperament. She has a bad temperament. She's weak. We need a strong temperament and that's all it is, I have a strong temperament. ... I think I have a great temperament. I beat 16 very talented people in -- and I've never done this before. You don't do that with a bad temperament. ... I'm leading her in the polls, as you probably have noticed. And I think I have a great temperament. I have a temperament where I know how to win. She doesn't know how to win. She's not a winner. She doesn't know how to win. Honestly, she lies a lot and she really -- she should tell the truth. I honestly believe if she told the truth -- because she made some reference to my campaigning, I've had a beautiful -- I've had a -- had a flawless campaign. You'll be writing books about this campaign. And yet she's criticizing my campaign. * If you look at what's going on in terms of unity, the Bernie people are angry. They're angry. He was angry. What was amazing to me is when she was talking about Bernie last night, the camera was on him and he was angry. It almost looks like he has buyer's remorse, like he shouldn't have made the deal. * I have no relationship with Putin. I don't think I've ever met him. I never met him. I don't think I've ever met him. ... I have never spoken to him on the phone, no. I've speak -- I've spoken -- when we had the [[wikipedia:Miss Russia|Miss Universe]] contest a number of years ago, we had Miss Universe in Moscow, in the Moscow area, he was invited. He wanted to come. He wasn't able to come. That would have been a time when I would have met him. ... I don't know what it means by having a relationship. I mean he was saying very good things about me, but I don't have a relationship with him. I didn't meet him. I haven't spent time with him. I didn't have dinner with him. I didn't go hiking with him. I don't know -- and I wouldn't know him from Adam except I see his picture and I would know what he looks like. * If our country got along with Russia, that would be a great thing. When Putin goes out and tells everybody -- and you talk about a relationship, but he says Donald Trump is going to win and Donald Trump is a genius, and then I have people saying you should disavow. I said, I'm going to disavow that? ... If we can have a good relationship with Russia and if Russia would help us get rid of ISIS, frankly, as far as I'm concerned, you're talking about tremendous amounts of money and lives and everything else, that would be a positive thing, not a negative thing. * {{w|NATO}} is going to be just fine. But [[NATO]] countries -- we have 28 countries -- many of them are taking advantage of us because they're not paying. So we're protecting these countries and they're not paying. ... I'm all in favor of NATO. I said NATO is obsolete. I was asked a question by one of your competitors and I said NATO is obsolete, because it's not taking care of terror. * The people of {{w|Crimea}}, from what I've heard, would rather be with Russia than where they were. And you have to look at that, also. Now, that was under -- just so you understand, that was done under Obama's administration. And as far as the [[Ukraine]] is concerned, it's a mess. And that's under the Obama's administration, with his strong ties to [[NATO]]. So with all of these strong ties to NATO, Ukraine is a mess. [[wikipedia:Annexation of Crimea by the Russian Federation|Crimea has been taken]]. Don't blame Donald Trump for that. * No debts. I have very little debt to anybody. I don't need debt. You know, it's very interesting, I'm so liquid, I don't need debt. And if I need debt, if I want debt, I can get it from banks in New York City very easily. * If you want to get a television today -- I buy thousands of television sets. If I want a television, I would love the buy American-made televisions like they used to have where they had [[wikipedia:General Electric#Television|GE]] and [[wikipedia:Sylvania Electric Products|Sylvania]] and all of the different. Today, it's {{w|Samsung}}, it's [[wikipedia:LG Electronics|LG]], it's {{w|Sony}}. We don't make televisions anymore. * When I do ties, I bid them out. And I go all over the place. You have companies over in different countries where they devalue their currency and they make it impossible for American companies to compete. The hat, {{w|Make America Great Again}}. I fought like crazy to find a company in this country that could make the hats. And I found one. And they're American-made, but it's -- because I knew the first thing people would do is, where is the hat made. OK, Make America Great. * He ([[Khizr M. Khan]]) was, you know, very emotional and probably looked like a nice guy to me. His wife, if you look at his wife, she was standing there. She had nothing to say. She probably, maybe she wasn't allowed to have anything to say. You tell me. But plenty of people have written that. She was extremely quiet. And it looked like she had nothing to say. A lot of people have said that. And personally, I watched him. I wish him the best of luck. * I'd say we've had a lot of problems with radical Islamic terrorism. That's what I'd say. We have a lot of problems. ... I'd say you've got to take a look at that, because something is going on. And it's not good. * Well, that sounds - who wrote that? Did Hillary's scriptwriters write it? Because everybody that went out there, we also had [[wikipedia:John R. Allen|John Allen]] who failed with ISIS. I mean, he was a general, Allen, General Allen. He went out. And he was ranting and raving. And then I read a report. He was in there for a number of months. And he failed with ISIS. * The generals aren't doing so well right now. Now, I have a feeling it may be Obama's fault. But if you look at ISIS… General [[Douglas MacArthur|MacArthur]] and [[George S. Patton|General Patton]], they're spinning in their graves. The generals certainly aren't doing very well right now. * I think I've made a lot of sacrifices. I work very, very hard. I've created thousands and thousands of jobs, tens of thousands of jobs, built great structures. I've done, I've had tremendous success. I think I've done a lot. ... I think they're sacrifices. I think when I can employ thousands and thousands of people, take care of their education, take care of so many things, even in military. I mean, I was very responsible, along with a group of people, for getting the [[wikipedia:Vietnam Veterans Plaza|Vietnam Memorial]] built in [[wikipedia:Lower Manhattan|downtown Manhattan]], which to this day people thank me for. * I raised, and I have raised, millions of dollars for the vets. I'm helping the vets a lot. I think my popularity with the vets is through the roof, far greater than hers. She's done nothing. All she's done is tell everybody that the vets are in good shape. They're fine. And they're not fine. People are waiting on line for seven days to see a doctor. She thinks it's fine. * Our country's a mess. And that's why when she makes the speech, she doesn't talk about radical Islam. She doesn't talk about the problems that we have in this country and throughout the world. Many of the problems, she caused. I mean, she created ISIS with her stupidity and her lack of knowledge with her bad judgment. ====August 2016==== [[File:Classified documents at Mar-a-Lago bathroom.jpg|thumb|In my administration, I'm going to enforce all [[laws]] concerning the [[protection]] of classified information. No one will be above the law.]] * He’s not going into Ukraine, OK, just so you understand. He’s not going to go into Ukraine, all right? You can mark it down. You can put it down. You can take it anywhere you want. ** Claimed about the Russian president Vladimir Putin after Putin had invaded Crimea, Ukraine and while fighting a war in Donbass, Ukraine, quoted in [https://edition.cnn.com/2016/07/31/politics/donald-trump-russia-ukraine-crimea-putin/index.html "Trump says Putin is ‘not going to go into Ukraine,’ despite Crimea"], ''CNN'' (August 1, 2016) * Don't worry about that baby. I love babies. I hear that baby crying, I like it. What a baby. What a beautiful baby. Don't worry, don't worry. The mom's running around like—don't worry about it, you know. It's young and beautiful and healthy and that's what we want. [...] Actually, I was only kidding, you can get the baby out of here. That's all right. Don't worry. I, I think she really believed me that I love having a baby crying while I'm speaking. That's OK. People don't understand. That's OK. ** [http://www.politico.com/story/2016/08/trump-kicks-out-baby-rally-226566 At a rally in Ashburn, Virginia.] (August 2, 2016) * He's a terrible president, he'll probably go down as the worst president in the history of our country, he's been a total disaster. ** On Barack Obama during an interview with [[wikipedia:WJLA-TV|WJLA]]. {{citation |date=2016-08-02 |author=Eric Bradner |title=Trump responds to Obama: 'He's a terrible president' |periodical=CNN |url=http://edition.cnn.com/2016/08/02/politics/donald-trump-obama-election-2016/}} * [[Hillary Clinton|Hillary]] wants to abolish, essentially abolish, the [[Second Amendment to the United States Constitution|second amendment]]. '''If she gets to pick her judges, nothing you can do, folks. Although the second amendment people, maybe there is''', I don't know. But I'll tell you what, that will be a horrible day. ** Rally in [[w:Wilmington, North Carolina|Wilmington, North Carolina]] on August 9, 2016 ({{cite news |title=Donald Trump Suggests ‘Second Amendment People' Could Act Against Hillary Clinton |newspaper=[[w:The New York Times|The New York Times]] |first1=Nick |last1=Corasaniti |authorlink2=w:Maggie Haberman |first2=Maggie |last2=Haberman |date=August 9, 2016 |accessdate=November 15, 2018 |url=https://www.nytimes.com/2016/08/10/us/politics/donald-trump-hillary-clinton.html}}; {{cite news |title=Donald Trump hints at assassination of Hillary Clinton by gun rights supporters |first=David |last=Smith |date=August 10, 2016 |accessdate=November 15, 2018 |newspaper=[[w:The Guardian|The Guardian]] |url=https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2016/aug/09/trump-gun-owners-clinton-judges-second-amendment}}). * In my administration, I'm going to enforce all laws concerning the protection of classified information. No one will be above the law. ** Statement in a [https://www.c-span.org/video/?414134-1/donald-trump-campaign-rally-charlotte-north-carolina campaign rally in Charlotte, North Carolina (18 August 2016)], as quoted in [https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/trump-classified-above-law/ "Yes, Trump Said 'No One Will Be Above the Law' Regarding Protection of Classified Information" (9 June 2023)] * [[ISIS]] is honoring President Obama. He is the founder of ISIS. He founded ISIS. And I would say the co-founder would be crooked [[Hillary Clinton]]. ** During a Florida rally at the BB&T Center in Sunrise, as quoted in [http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/donald-trump-president-barack-obama-founder-isis/story?id=41286869 "Donald Trump: President Barack Obama 'Is the Founder of ISIS'"] by David Caplan, ''ABC News'' (August 10, 2016) * I will always tell you the truth. ** [https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2016/8/19/1561877/-Trump-I-will-always-tell-you-the-truth-up-to-30-percent-of-the-time "Trump: “I will always tell you the truth” up to 30 percent of the time"], ''Daily Kos'' (August 19, 2024) * No group in America has been more harmed by Hillary Clinton's policies than African-Americans. If Hillary Clinton's goal was to inflict pain on the African-American community, she could not have done a better job. It's a disgrace. Tonight, I'm asking for the vote of every single African-American citizen in this country who wants to see a better future. The inner cities of our country have been run by the Democratic party for more than fifty years. Their policies have reduced only [[Poverty in the United States|poverty]], joblessness, failing schools and broken homes. It's time to hold Democratic politicians accountable for what they have done to these communities. At what point do we say, "enough?" It's time to hold failed leaders accountable for their results not just their empty words over and over again. Look at what the Democratic party has done to the city as an example and there are many others of Detroit: forty percent of Detroit's residents live in poverty. Half of all Detroit residents do not work and cannot work and can't get a job. Detroit tops the list of most dangerous cities in terms of violent crime. This is the legacy of the Democratic politicians who have run this city. This is the result of the policy agenda embraced by Hillary Clinton: thirty-three thousand emails gone. The only way to change results is to change leadership. We can never fix our problems by relying on the same politicians who created our problems in the first place. A new future requires brand new leadership. Look how much African-American communities suffered under Democratic control. To those I say the following: What do you have to lose by trying something new like Trump. What do you have to lose? I say it again, what do you have to lose. Look, what do you have to lose? You're living your poverty, your schools are no good, you have no jobs. Fifty-eight percent of your youth is unemployed? What the hell do you have to lose? And at the end of four years, I guarantee you, that I will get over ninety-five percent of the African-American vote. I promise you. ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K5B5m1S5VTA Speech to the African-American community in Dimondale, Michigan] (August 19, 2016) * I'm going to be working for you. I'm not going to have time to go play golf. ** [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/politics/wp/2017/02/13/trump-used-to-have-a-slightly-different-opinion-of-presidents-playing-golf/?utm_term=.d2f026a42e9c Trump used to have a slightly different opinion of presidents playing golf] by Phillip Bump, Washington Post, August 8 Virginia rally (August 20, 2016) * Immigration security, we need to protect American jobs. We need to protect American safety. We're going to build a wall folks, don't worry, we're going to build a wall. That wall will go up so fast, your heads will spin. And you'll say, "you know, know he meant it!" And you know what else I mean? Mexico is going to pay for the wall. ** On immigration at a rally in Akron, Ohio (22 August 2016) * It's our right as a sovereign nation to choose immigrants that we think are the likeliest to thrive and flourish and love us. ** Immigration speech (31 August 2016), quoted in [http://fox59.com/2016/08/31/donald-trump-delivers-immigration-speech-after-meeting-with-mexican-president/ "Donald Trump delivers immigration speech after meeting with Mexican president"] by CNN Wire, ''[[wikipedia:WXIN|Fox 59]]''. * The fundamental problem with the immigration system in our country is that it serves the needs of wealthy donors, political activists and powerful politicians. Let me tell you who it doesn’t serve: it doesn’t serve you, the American people. ** [https://www.politico.com/story/2016/08/donald-trump-immigration-address-transcript-227614 Immigration speech], Arizona (31 August 2016) * When politicians talk about immigration reform, they usually mean the following: amnesty, open borders, and lower wages. Immigration reform should mean something else entirely: it should mean improvements to our laws and policies to make life better for American citizens. But if we are going to make our immigration system work, then we have to be prepared to talk honestly and without fear about these important and sensitive issues. ** [https://www.politico.com/story/2016/08/donald-trump-immigration-address-transcript-227614 Immigration speech], Arizona (31 August 2016) * To all the politicians, donors and special interests, hear these words from me today: there is only one core issue in the immigration debate and it is this: the well-being of the American people. Nothing even comes a close second. ** [https://www.politico.com/story/2016/08/donald-trump-immigration-address-transcript-227614 Immigration speech], Arizona (31 August 2016) * You’re stealing my money! You’re stealing my fucking money! What the fuck is this? Why are you letting him steal my fucking money?<br>Fuck the law. I don’t give a fuck about the law. I want my fucking money. **??? when informed he was required to fund a transition. [https://www.theguardian.com/news/2018/sep/27/this-guy-doesnt-know-anything-the-inside-story-of-trumps-shambolic-transition-team 27 September 2018 article in The Guardian by Michael Lewis ] =====Speech at rally in Wilmington, North Carolina (August 9, 2016)===== : <small>Speech at rally in {{w|Wilmington, North Carolina}}. [http://time.com/4445813/donald-trump-second-amendment-speech/ Transcript] (August 9, 2016)</small> * I'm the messenger, but I'll tell you what, the message is the right message. * $400 million in all cash, anybody know what that looks like? That's a lot of cash. That's a lot of case. And honestly, it's so sad. Think of it, going to [[wikipedia:Iran and state-sponsored terrorism|Iran, a terrorist state]]. Now I happen to think they have plenty of money, we've given then $150 billion, so the $400 million is just, you know – I happen to think it goes into their accounts in Switzerland personally. Now, a lot of people say, "no, no, it's used for terror," and they use it for terror because it's the number one terror funder – not even close. But I also think that when you have $400 million in cash, different denominations, do you see the size of this? I guess they did release the pictures after all. They released pictures. ... Obama said that he did it because we don't have a working account with Iran. Do you believe that? How long does it take to set up an account? Right? You don't have a working account, you set up an account, right? * What's going on in this country is insane. And we have people running our country that don't know what they're doing, they're grossly incompetent, and it's time. We have to make change, real change. Not [[wikipedia:Barack Obama presidential campaign, 2008#Slogan|Obama change]], we have to make change. * We get [[Bowe Bergdahl|Bergdahl]] who was a traitor, and they get five of the greatest killers that they've wanted for eight years. We get Bergdahl — I call it the five for one trade. For the [[wikipedia:Iran nuclear deal framework|Iran deal]], where we get nothing, we get nothing. They get ultimately, they have the path, beautiful path, they'll get way, way earlier than that. They'll get nuclear weapons, so if you get Trump you're going to see a lot of changes to that deal. That'll happen fast. * Remember {{w|Obamacare}}, "you're going to keep your doctor, you're going to keep your plan, over and over again, you're going to keep your doctor." It was a lie. And in fact, if he didn't make the lie, he would have never gotten it approved because most Democrats, many of the Democrats didn't want to do it. It was only that, that got them to sign it and to approve it. And it was a lie. * America first. We get a little tired of these deals where they actually put, and you know why, because of lobbyists and special interests and people representing and people wanting it to happen. It's just not that they want other countries to benefit over us. There are reasons for it and you know, when I raise money, and I'm putting up a lot of money for my own campaign, I'm funding me. And I'm raising for the Republican party. And we're getting a lot of money from the small donors. * '''Those cameras are not going on the move unless we have a protester. If we had a protester that's the only time they move because they're showing something that in their mind is a bad thing, so then they move.''' But I like that, I've always liked my protesters because the cameras show these massive crowds and people say wow, was that a big crowd. * She (Hillary Clinton) lacks judgment, she lacks temperament and I'm the one that used unfit many, many months ago. And now they've turned it around, use it on me, unfit? I'm unfit? That's — that's a first. But she lacks the temperament and the moral character to lead this country, its very simple. She really does. She's a dangerous person who doesn't tell the truth which has been proven very loudly. I've never seen a — I don't think we've ever had greater proof of that, of anybody. And she has disregarded the lives of Americans — you see what's happening — with what she has done with her server? And you know why she did that. So, I just look at this, and I said that if she gets elected, she will cause the destruction of this country from within. Remember that. ... She is disdainful of the rules set for everyone else and she hasn't changed a bit. This is — that was the good thing. I couldn't say the bad things. It was too much. Nobody would even — nobody would even believe it. You've got to see this book. Nobody would believe because it's so terrible, so terrible. And she comes across like this woman — nice, easy — but she's not. And — and she's — listen — she's not a leader, not a leader. And she is a liar. * '''[[France]] isn't France anymore.''' We're not going. And so many people are saying that. Look at what's going on with [[Germany]]. Look at what's happening with Germany. Look at the crime; look at the problems. We have enough problems in our country right now. We don't need additional problems, folks. We don't need additional problems. And for all we know, this could be the great [[Trojan Horse]]. This could be. We don't know who these people are. ... We have to get smart, folks. We don't need the problems — and we've already got those problems, just so you understand. Because they're coming into the country, they're being put where nobody even knows where they are. It's like, if I were the enemy, I would say, I can't believe they're that stupid. They're taking my people and they're putting them all over the place, because you have great military right here. * [[wikipedia:Hillary Clinton email controversy|33,000 e-mails are missing]]. And she's so guilty. She's so guilty. * Could you imagine if I said that "I short circuited"? They would be calling for my execution, — electric chair. They'd bring back the electric chair. It would be a whole different ball game if I said it, believe me. * [[wikipedia:Economic policy of Barack Obama|Obama-Clinton economic policies]] have produced 1.2 percent economic growth, the weakest so-called [[wikipedia:Financial crisis of 2007–08#Stabilization|recovery]] since the Great Depression. Now, this is, like, unbelievable — 1.2. Do you know China goes to 7 percent or 8 percent, it's like a national catastrophe. Now, what they do is they cut their currency. They devalue their currency, and big league, and then all of our businesses continue to be drained out of the United States. Our money, our jobs. They make our product, they sell our product to us. No tax, no nothing, you devalue — see devaluing is sort of cheating. * I see the carnage that [[wikipedia:Political positions of Donald Trump#NAFTA|NAFTA has caused]], I see the carnage. It's been horrible. ... It's a suicidal pact for our country. And you know I've watched for years. * I like Mexico. And I respect the leaders of Mexico because they're much smarter, they're much street smarter, but they're much smarter and more cunning than our leaders. But you have to see what's going on. * I can't believe I'm saying I'm a politician. * The Bernie ones were — they had a lot more spirit. I think we're going to get a lot of Bernie voters, if you want to know the truth. Because they do understand that trade is killing us. Trade. * The [[national debt]] has doubled. And you know the bad part about that? You think if the national debt has doubled, our infrastructure would be great, our country would be in great shape. We'd have beautiful roads, beautiful highways. You see where like 50 percent of the bridges are in danger in this country. And the roadways are a mess. * We have great people. We have the most loyal people. We have the smartest people. You know, so many of my people, they're so smart. They like to say, well, Trump, I don't know if he's got this right — let me tell you, we have the smartest people. We have the people that are the smartest, and the strongest, and the best and the hardest working. We have the smartest people. We'll put I.Q.s among — some of us, we couldn't say all of us, right — against any I.Q.s that we — we have to deal with, that I can tell you. I would love to do that. * Today, [[wikipedia:Home-ownership in the United States|homeownership]] is at its lowest rate in 51 years. ... Lowest that its been in so many years, 51 years. Nearly 12 million people and more Americans are dependent on food stamps and 2 million more Latino Americans live in poverty under Obama and Clinton — under Obama; because Clinton's just gonna carry on. * Hillary wants to raise taxes. It's a comparison. I want to lower them. * If she gets to pick her judges, nothing you can do, folks. Although the Second Amendment people, maybe there is. I don't know. But — but I'll tell you what. That will be a horrible day. If — if Hillary gets to put her judges — right now, we're tied. You see what's going on. * Hillary essentially wants to abolish the Second Amendment. * Hillary and President Obama refused to use the term radical {{w|Islamic terrorism}}. Big problem. Big problem. Hillary wants to release violent criminals and criminal offenders from prison, that's wonderful, enjoy yourselves. I want to work with our police. Our police are so incredible, they're not getting the respect they deserve. * We have to respect and cherish our police. * We're fighting a political correct war. It's a political correct war. I mean, you know what's going on. You know what's going on. These are people that chop off heads. These are people that, in steel cages, drop steel cages into the waters and drowned large numbers of people. These are people that buried people in the sand. We've got to knock them out. I was against the war in Iraq. We shouldn't have been to the war in Iraq. It destabilized the Middle East and I said that was going to happen. But we shouldn't have gotten out the way we got out. The way we got out was insane. And Obama gave a date, and he — and that's how ISIS happened, folks. Hence, the birth of ISIS. * If I'm ISIS, I call her (Hillary Clinton) up and I give her the most valuable player award. ... And I guarantee you with Libya, which was her baby, and all of the other mistakes she has made. Obama takes now, because obviously, for him, that's the better alternative, all right? But he has been an incompetent president. He has done a horrible job. =====Speech in Jackson, Mississippi (August 24, 2016)===== <small>Speech in {{w|Jackson, Mississippi}}. As quoted by ''{{w|CBS}}'' and ''{{w|The Hindu}}'' [http://newyork.cbslocal.com/2016/08/24/trump-clinton-bigot/][http://www.thehindu.com/news/international/republican-presidential-candidate-donald-trump-speaks-at-an-election-rally-in-mississippi/article9031151.ece] (August 24, 2016)</small> * '''Hillary Clinton is a bigot who sees people of color only as votes, not as human beings worthy of a better future.''' She's going to do nothing for African-Americans. She's going to do nothing for the Hispanics. She's only going to take care of herself, her consultants, her donors, these are the people she cares about. She doesn't care what her policies have done to your communities. She doesn't care. Remember this, you've had her policies — Democrats running some of the inner cities for 50, 70, 80, even over 100 years. And look what you have right now: poverty, no education, crime, you can't walk down the street with your child. We're going to fix it. Hillary Clinton has no remorse. I will fight to create a better future for every American. * Eight years of Obama-Clinton policies have sacrificed our safety and undermined our freedom and independence. ... The Obama-Clinton foreign policy has unleashed ISIS, destabilised the Middle East and put the nation of Iran — which chants [[Death to America]] — in a dominant position of regional power and, in fact, aspiring to be a dominant world power. * Our jobs have moved overseas, Islamic terrorism has spread within our shores and an open border has crushed low-income workers and threatened our security. The issues we face here in America are similar to the issues faced in Britain during their referendum on membership in the EU. This is the movement known as Brexit * Hillary wants to surrender America to globalism. She wants a country without borders. She wants trade deals written for the benefit of foreign corporations. She wants a government that ignores the will of the people. She wants to sell out American security to the Clinton Foundation for a pile of cash. It is hard to tell where the Clinton Foundation ends and the [[United States Department of State|State Department]] begins. ... Hillary Clinton has betrayed her duty to the people. * The job of a public official is to serve and protect the citizens of the United States. Not illegal immigrants, not foreign nationals seeking entry, but the people living here lawfully today — including millions of African-American and Hispanic citizens. * I will fight for their security, I will fight for their jobs, I will fight for their families. One American Nation. * It's time for America to recapture its destiny. Our government, our leaders, and our media have lost touch with the people. You need no better evidence of that than the fact that the media ignores the plight of Americans who have lost their children to illegal immigrants, but spends day after day pushing for amnesty for those here in violation of the law. * This is the legacy of Hillary Clinton: death, destruction, terrorism and weakness. But Hillary Clinton's legacy doesn't have to be America's legacy. * I have a message for the terrorists trying to kill our citizens: we will find you, we will destroy you, and we will win. This is not only a military fight, but we will also require cyberwarfare and financial warfare. It is also an ideological fight. We will confront directly the hateful ideology of Radical Islam — and promote American values, and American culture, and America's system of government. ====September 2016==== * We can't have someone in the Oval Office who doesn't understand the meaning of the word "confidential" or "classified". ** [http://edition.cnn.com/2017/05/15/politics/donald-trump-classified-information/ Trump campaign speech in Greenville, North Carolina] (6 September 2016) * For the first time in a long while, [[Hillary Clinton|her]] true feelings came out, showing bigotry and hatred for millions of Americans. How can she be President of our country when she has such contempt and disdain for so many great Americans? ** {{cite news |title=Clinton walks back 'deplorables' comment: I 'regret' using the term to describe 'half' of Trump's supporters |first=Beremy |last=Berke |work=[[w:Business Insider|Business Insider]] |date=10 September 2016 |url=http://www.businessinsider.com/clinton-regrets-deplorables-comment-2016-9/}} * While my opponent slanders you as deplorable... I call you hard-working, American patriots. ** [https://www.c-span.org/video/?415085-1/donald-trump-campaigns-ashville-north-carolina Donald Trump Campaign Rally in Ashville, North Carolina], ''C-SPAN.org'' (12 September 2016). *OK, what I do is, wash it with Head and Shoulders. I don't dry it, though. I let it dry by itself. It takes about an hour. Then I read papers and things…I also watch TV…OK, so I've done all that. I then comb my hair. Yes, I do use a comb…<br>Do I comb it forward? No, I don't comb it forward…I actually don't have a bad hairline. When you think about it, it's not bad. I mean, I get a lot of credit for comb-overs. But it's not really a comb-over. It's sort of a little bit forward and back. I've combed it the same way for years. Same thing, every time. **[https://www.newsmax.com/thewire/jimmy-fallon-donald-trump-mess-up-hair/2016/09/16/id/748677/ 15 September 2016 to Jimmy Fallon] * Hillary Clinton and her campaign of 2008 started the birther controversy. I finished it. I finished it. You know what I mean. President Barack Obama was born in the United States, period. Now we all want to get back to making America strong and great again. ** {{cite news |title=Trump finally says Obama born in U.S., blames Clinton for controversy |work=USA Today |date=16 September 2016 |url=http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/elections/2016/2016/09/16/donald-trump-barack-obama-hillary-clinton-presidential-campaign-birtherism/90471868/}} ** [[wikipedia:Barack Obama citizenship conspiracy theories|Conspiracy theories about Barack Obama's citizenship]] were not started by Hillary Clinton's 2008 campaign according to ''[http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2016/sep/16/donald-trump/fact-checking-donald-trumps-claim-hillary-clinton-/ PolitiFact.com]'', and Trump continued to question Obama's citizenship for years after he released his long-form birth certificate in 2011[http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2016/sep/16/donald-trump/donald-trumps-pants-fire-claim-he-finished-obama-b/]. * People don't know how great you are. People don't know how smart you are. These are the smart people. These are the smart people. These are really the smart people. And they never like to say it, but I say it. And I'm a smart person. These are the smart. We have the smartest people. We have the smartest people. And they know it. Some say it, but they hate to say it. But we have the smartest people. ** Council Bluffs, Iowa, quoted in {{citation |date=2016-09-29 |title=Donald Trump's Bizarre Speech: 'You Are The Smartest People' |periodical=Leading Britain's Conversation |url=https://www.lbc.co.uk/politics/us-election/donald-trump/donald-trumps-bizarre-speech-smartest-people/}} * On the question if he would honor the results of the election should he lose:<br>"We're going to have to see. We're going to see what happens. We're going to have to see." ** [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/01/us/politics/donald-trump-interview-bill-hillary-clinton.html?_r=0 In an interview with the New York Times]; [http://www.nbcnews.com/card/trump-appears-back-pledge-support-clinton-if-she-wins-n657866 Trump Appears to Back Off Pledge to Support Clinton If She Wins], NBC News (30 September 2016) =====First presidential debate (September 26, 2016)===== <small>[https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-fix/wp/2016/09/26/the-first-trump-clinton-presidential-debate-transcript-annotated/#annotations:10505575 Transcript], ''{{w|Washington Post}}''</small> * Our jobs are fleeing the country. They're going to Mexico. They're going to many other countries. You look at what China is doing to our country in terms of making our product. They're devaluing their currency, and there's nobody in our government to fight them. And we have a very good fight. And we have a winning fight. Because they're using our country as a piggy bank to rebuild China, and many other countries are doing the same thing. ... We have to stop our jobs from being stolen from us. We have to stop our companies from leaving the United States and, with it, firing all of their people. ... We cannot let it happen. Under my plan, I'll be reducing taxes tremendously, from 35 percent to 15 percent for companies, small and big businesses. That's going to be a job creator like we haven't seen since [[Ronald Reagan]]. It's going to be a beautiful thing to watch. Companies will come. They will build. They will expand. New companies will start. And I look very, very much forward to doing it. We have to renegotiate our trade deals, and we have to stop these countries from stealing our companies and our jobs. * Our country's in deep trouble. We don't know what we're doing when it comes to devaluations and all of these countries all over the world, especially China. They're the best, the best ever at it. What they're doing to us is a very, very sad thing. * But in all fairness to Secretary Clinton, when she started talking about this, it was really very recently. She's been doing this for 30 years. And why hasn't she made the agreements better? The NAFTA agreement is defective. Just because of the tax and many other reasons, but just because of the fact Secretary Clinton and others, politicians, should have been doing this for years, not right now, because of the fact that we've created a movement. * The first thing you do is don't let the jobs leave. The companies are leaving. I could name, I mean, there are thousands of them. They're leaving, and they're leaving in bigger numbers than ever. And what you do is you say, fine, you want to go to Mexico or some other country, good luck. We wish you a lot of luck. But if you think you're going to make your air conditioners or your cars or your cookies or whatever you make and bring them into our country without a tax, you're wrong. And once you say you're going to have to tax them coming in, and our politicians never do this, because they have special interests and the special interests want those companies to leave, because in many cases, they own the companies. So what I'm saying is, we can stop them from leaving. We have to stop them from leaving. And that's a big, big factor. * '''CLINTON''': Donald was one of the people who rooted for the [[wikipedia:United States housing bubble|housing crisis]]. He said, back in 2006, "Gee, I hope it does collapse, because then I can go in and buy some and make some money." Well, it did collapse. : '''TRUMP''': That's called business, by the way. * We invested in a solar company, our country. That was a disaster. They lost plenty of money on that one. Now, look, I'm a great believer in all forms of [[energy]], but we're putting a lot of people out of work. Our energy policies are a disaster. Our country is losing so much in terms of energy, in terms of paying off our debt. You can't do what you're looking to do with $20 trillion in debt. The Obama administration, from the time they've come in, is over 230 years' worth of debt, and he's topped it. He's doubled it in a course of almost eight years, seven-and-a-half years, to be semi- exact. * We have to do a much better job at giving companies incentives to build new companies or to expand, because they're not doing it. * NAFTA is the worst trade deal maybe ever signed anywhere, but certainly ever signed in this country. And now you [Hillary Clinton] [[wikipedia:Political positions of Hillary Clinton#Trans-Pacific_Partnership|want to approve Trans-Pacific Partnership]]. You were totally in favor of it. Then you heard what I was saying, how bad it is, and you said, I can't win that debate. But you know that if you did win, you would approve that, and that will be almost as bad as NAFTA. Nothing will ever top NAFTA. * You are going to approve one of the [[wikipedia:Political positions of Hillary Clinton#Fiscal_policy_and_taxation|biggest tax cuts in history]]. You are going to approve one of the biggest tax increases in history. You are going to drive business out. Your regulations are a disaster, and you're going to increase regulations all over the place. And by the way, my tax cut is the biggest since [[wikipedia:Reaganomics|Ronald Reagan]]. I'm very proud of it. It will create tremendous numbers of new jobs. But regulations, you are going to regulate these businesses out of existence. ... The things that business as in people like the most is the fact that I'm cutting regulation. You have regulations on top of regulations, and new companies cannot form and old companies are going out of business. And you want to increase the regulations and make them even worse. I'm going to cut regulations. I'm going to cut taxes big league, and you're going to raise taxes big league, end of story. * She's telling us how to fight ISIS. Just go to her website. She tells you how to fight ISIS on her website. I don't think General [[Douglas MacArthur]] would like that too much. ... See, you're telling the enemy everything you want to do. No wonder you've been fighting ISIS your entire adult life. * I'm really calling for major jobs, because the wealthy are going create tremendous jobs. They're going to expand their companies. They're going to do a tremendous job. I'm getting rid of the carried interest provision. And if you really look, it's not a tax -- it's really not a great thing for the wealthy. It's a great thing for the middle class. It's a great thing for companies to expand. * We have the worst revival of an economy since the [[Great Depression]]. And believe me: '''We're in a bubble right now. And the only thing that looks good is the [[stock market]], but if you raise [[interest]] rates even a little bit, that's going to come [[Stock market crash|crashing down]].''' * I will release them as soon as the [[Auditor|audit]]. Look, I've been under audit almost for 15 years. I know a lot of wealthy people that have never been audited. I said, do you get audited? I get audited almost every year. And in a way, I should be complaining. I'm not even complaining. I don't mind it. It's almost become a way of life. I get audited by the [[IRS]]. But other people don't. I will say this. We have a situation in this country that has to be taken care of. I will release my tax returns -- against my lawyer's wishes -- when she [Hillary Clinton] releases her 33,000 e-mails that have been deleted. As soon as she releases them, I will release. ** About releasing his tax returns. * That makes me smart. ** About that Trump didn't pay [[wikipedia:Income tax in the United States|federal income taxes]]. * That was more than a mistake. That was done purposely. OK? That was not a mistake. That was done purposely. When you have your staff taking the [[Fifth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Fifth Amendment]], taking the Fifth so they're not prosecuted, when you have the man that set up the illegal server taking the Fifth, I think it's disgraceful. ** About {{w|Hillary Clinton email controversy}} * As far as my tax returns, you don't learn that much from tax returns. That I can tell you. You learn a lot from financial disclosure. And you should go down and take a look at that. * I am very under[[wiktionary:leverage|leveraged]]. I have a great company. I have a tremendous income. And the reason I say that is not in a braggadocios way. It's because it's about time that this country had somebody running it that has an idea about money. * Maybe he didn't do a good job and I was unsatisfied with his work ... On occasion, four times, we used certain laws that are there. And when Secretary Clinton talks about people that didn't get paid, first of all, they did get paid a lot, but taken advantage of the laws of the nation. Now, if you want to change the laws, you've been there a long time, change the laws. But I take advantage of the laws of the nation because I'm running a company. My obligation right now is to do well for myself, my family, my employees, for my companies. And that's what I do. ... She [Hillary Clinton] doesn't say is that tens of thousands of people that are unbelievably happy and that love me. ** About not having paid to some of his employees. * We need law and order. If we don't have it, we're not going to have a country. ... We need law and order in our country. * We have a situation where we have our inner cities, [[African American|African- Americans]], [[w:Hispanic American|Hispanics]] are living in hell because it's so dangerous. You walk down the street, you get shot. * Now, whether or not in a place like Chicago you do [[wikipedia:Frisking|stop and frisk]], which worked very well, [[Rudy Giuliani|Mayor Giuliani]] is here, [[wikipedia:Stop-and-frisk in New York City|worked very well in New York]]. It brought the crime rate way down. But you take the gun away from criminals that shouldn't be having it. We have [[wikipedia:Gangs in the United States|gangs roaming the street]]. And in many cases, they're illegally here, [[illegal immigrants]]. And they have guns. And they shoot people. And we have to be very strong. And we have to be very vigilant. * Our police, in many cases, are afraid to do anything. We have to protect our inner cities, because African-American communities are being decimated by crime, decimated. * '''HOLT''': Stop-and-frisk was ruled unconstitutional in New York, because it largely singled out black and Hispanic young men. : '''TRUMP''': No, you're wrong. It went before a judge, who was a very against-police judge. It was taken away from her. And our mayor, our new mayor, refused to go forward with the case. They would have won an appeal. If you look at it, throughout the country, there are many places where it's allowed. : '''HOLT''': The argument is that it's a form of racial profiling. : '''TRUMP''': No, the argument is that we have to take the guns away from these people that have them and they are bad people that shouldn't have them. * You need more police. You need a better community, you know, relation. ... You need better relationships between the communities and the police, because in some cases, it's not good. * So when you [Hillary Clinton] tried to act holier than thou, it really doesn't work. It really doesn't. * We should be better than anybody else, and perhaps we're not. I don't think anybody knows it was Russia that [[wikipedia:Democratic National Committee cyber attacks|broke into the DNC]]. She's saying Russia, Russia, Russia, but I don't -- maybe it was. I mean, it could be Russia, but it could also be China. It could also be lots of other people. It also could be somebody sitting on their bed that weighs 400 pounds, OK? * We have to get very, very tough on cyber and cyber warfare. * President Obama and Secretary Clinton created a vacuum the way they got [[wikipedia:Withdrawal of U.S. troops from Iraq|out of Iraq]], because they got out -- what, they shouldn't have been in, but once they got in, the way they got out was a disaster. And ISIS was formed. * I said it to you once, had we taken the [[oil]] -- and we should have taken the oil -- ISIS would not have been able to form either, because the [[wikipedia:Oil production and smuggling in ISIL|oil was their primary source of income]]. And now they have the oil all over the place, including the oil -- a lot of the oil in Libya, which was another one of her disasters. * You [Hillary Clinton] look at the Middle East, you started the Iran deal, that's another beauty where you have a country that was ready to fall, I mean, they were doing so badly. They were choking on the sanctions. And now they're going to be actually probably a major power at some point pretty soon, the way they're going. * I think we have to get [[NATO]] to go into the Middle East with us, in addition to surrounding nations, and we have to knock the hell out of ISIS, and we have to do it fast, when ISIS formed in this vacuum created by Barack Obama and Secretary Clinton. And believe me, you were the ones that took out the troops. ... When they formed, this is something that never should have happened. It should have never happened. Now, you're talking about taking out ISIS. But you were there, and you were secretary of state when it was a little infant. Now it's in over 30 countries. And you're going to stop them? I don't think so. * I think the best person in her [Clinton's] campaign is mainstream media. * The single greatest problem the world has is nuclear armament, nuclear weapons, not global warming, like you think and your -- your president thinks. ====October 2016==== * I'd never withdraw. I've never withdrawn in my life. ** [https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/amid-growing-calls-to-drop-out-trump-vows-to-never-withdraw/2016/10/08/8c0b5b7a-8d68-11e6-bff0-d53f592f176e_story.html?postshare=8561475940907652&tid=ss_tw phone call to the Washington Post] (8 October 2016) * So important that you get out and vote. So important that you watch other communities, because we don't want this election stolen from us. We don't want this election stolen from us. ** [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-fix/wp/2016/10/11/donald-trump-unplugged-as-ever/ Transcript of speech] at [[wikipedia:Ambridge, Pennsylvania|Ambridge, Pennsylvania]] (October 10, 2016) * '''Donald Trump''': Now, he's supposed to look like Donald Trump, but he's actually much too good looking. ''[to toddler]'' You are really handsome... Do you want to go back to [your parents] or do you want to stay with Donald Trump?<br>'''Toddler''': Trump. ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snou8qrElnM Little Trump Look-Alike Comes on Stage with Donald in Wilkes-Barre 10/10/16], [[wikipedia:Right Side Broadcasting Network|Right Side Broadcasting]], ''YouTube''. Quoted in [http://people.com/politics/donald-trump-meets-his-mini-me-at-pennsylvania-rally/ "Donald Trump Meets His Mini-Me at Pennsylvania Rally"] by Dave Quinn, ''People.com'' (October 11, 2016). * Hillary Clinton meets in secret with international banks to plot the destruction of U.S. sovereignty in order to enrich these global financial powers, her special interest friends and her donors. * Honestly, she should be locked up. She should be. Should be locked up. ** [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/14/us/politics/trump-comments-linked-to-antisemitism.html at a rally in West Palm Beach, Florida] (October 13, 2016) * She [Clinton] walks in front of me, she walks in front of me, you know. And when she walked in front of me, believe me I wasn't impressed. * Reporters at [[The New York Times]] are not journalists. They're corporate lobbyists for [[Carlos Slim Helú|Carlos Slim]] and Hillary Clinton. * Believe me: She [one of the women accusing him of sexual assault] would not be my first choice, that I can tell you. ** [http://www.cnn.com/2016/10/14/politics/donald-trump-hillary-clinton-appearance-debate/ at a rally in Greensboro, N.C.] Also quoted in [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/15/us/politics/trump-speech-highlights.html?hp&action=click&pgtype=Homepage&clickSource=story-heading&module=first-column-region&region=top-news&WT.nav=top-news Donald Trump's Barrage of Heated Rhetoric Has Little Precedent] (October 14, 2016) * Our movement is about replacing a failed and corrupt - and when I say corrupt, I'm talking about totally corrupt - political establishment [Obamacare] with a new government controlled by you, the American people. There is nothing the political establishment will not do. No lie that they won't tell to hold their prestige and power at your expense and that's what's been happening. The Washington establishment and the financial and media corporations that funded exist for only one reason: to protect and enrich itself. The establishment has trillions of dollars at stake in this election. As an example, just one single trade deal they'd like to pass involves trillions of dollars controlled by many countries, corporations, and lobbyists. For those who controlled the levels of power in Washington, and for the global special interests, they partner with these people that don't have your good in mind. Our campaign represents a true existential threat like they haven't seen before. ** At a campaign rally in Florida (13 October 2016) * No, no, lot of things are going on folks, lot of things. I think she's actually getting pumped up, if you want to know the truth, she's getting pumped up, you understand? In fact we're going to be talking about that in a few minutes. She's getting pumped up for Wednesday night. Let's see. You know, I don't know, maybe, we're like athletes, right? Hey, look, I beat seventeen senators, governors, I beat all these people, we're like athletes. Hillary beat Bernie, although it looks like Bernie got a little bit of a bad deal based on Wikileaks, right? If you look at Wikileaks. But we're like athletes, right? So athletes, they're making them more and more, but athletes, they make them take a drug test, right? I think we should take a drug test prior to the debate, I do. I think we should, why don't we do that? We should take a drug test, prior, because I don't know what's going on with her. But at the beginning of her last debate, she was all pumped up at the beginning, and at the end it was like, "Uh, take me down." She could barely reach her car. So I think we should take a drug test, I'm, er, anyway I'm willing to do it. ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3mE7YkeasOA At a rally in Portsmouth, New Hampshire, about his rival Hillary Clinton's performance during the presidential debates] (15 October 2016) * Such a nasty woman. [of Hillary Clinton] ** Third Presidential debate (19 October 2016), [http://fortune.com/2016/10/19/presidential-debate-third-transcript/ full transcript] at ''[[wikipedia:Fortune (magazine)|fortune.com]]''. * I would like to promise and pledge to all of my voters and supporters and to all of the people of the United States that I will totally accept the results of this great and historic presidential election, ''if I win''. ** 20 October 2016, quoted in {{citation |date=2016-10-20 |title=Donald Trump: 'I will totally accept' election results 'if I win' |author=Jeremy Diamond |periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2016/10/20/politics/donald-trump-i-will-totally-accept-election-results-if-i-win/index.html}} * These events give not only the candidates a chance to be with each other in a very social setting; it also allows the candidates the opportunity to meet the other candidate's team — good team. I know Hillary met my campaign manager, and I got the chance to meet the people who are working so hard to get her elected. There they are — the heads of NBC, CNN, CBS, ABC — there's the New York Times, right over there, and the Washington Post. They're working overtime. True. True. Oh, this one’s going to get me in trouble. ** Al Smith charity dinner speech, 20 October 2016 *Hillary is so corrupt, she got kicked off the Watergate commission. **Al Smith charity dinner speech, [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/election-us-2016-37724391 20 October 2016] * I'm going to fight for every American in every last part of this nation. We have a president who doesn't fight. He goes out and plays golf all the time. ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cC_3IxKcQIA Hardball with Chris Matthews, August 4, 2017] October 23 rally *She didn't know what to do, well how did you get him, uh well uh... they were sent by Russia! You know they're always using Russia **[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smKITCJJMnc&t=18m30s October 25, 2016 rally in Sanford] regarding [[Donna Brazile]] * And I have to give the [[Federal Bureau of Investigation|FBI]] credit, that was so bad, what happened, originally, and it took guts for [[James Comey|Director Comey]] to make the move that he made, in light of the kind of opposition he had, with their trying to protect her from criminal prosecution, you know that. It took a lot of guts, I really disagreed with him, I was not his fan, but I'll tell you what, what he did, he brought back his reputation, he brought it back. He's got to hang tough, because there's a lot of, lotta people, want him to do the wrong thing, what he did was the right thing. ** [http://edition.cnn.com/videos/politics/2016/10/31/donald-trump-james-comey-has-guts-grand-rapids-sot.cnn At a rally in Grand Rapids, Michigan] shortly after Comey announced the FBI would investigate further emails relating to Hillary Clinton, but before his statement that no incriminating information was found within them (31 October 2016) =====Second presidential debate (October 9, 2016)===== <small>[http://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/10/us/politics/transcript-second-debate.html Transcript], ''{{w|New York Times}}''</small> * '''[[Anderson Cooper]]''': You bragged that you have [[Sexual assault|sexually assaulted]] women. Do you understand that?<br>'''Donald Trump''': No, I didn't say that at all. I don't think you understood what was — this was locker room talk. * I have great respect for women. Nobody has more respect for women than I do. * ...if I win, I am going to instruct my attorney general to get a special prosecutor to look into your [Hilary Clinton's] situation, because there has never been so many lies, so much deception. There has never been anything like it, and we're going to have a special prosecutor. * '''Hillary Clinton''': ...it's just awfully good that someone with the temperament of Donald Trump is not in charge of the law in our country.<br>'''Donald Trump''': Because you'd be in jail. * '''Cooper''': Please allow her to respond. She didn't talk while you talked.<br>'''Clinton''': Yes, that's true, I didn't.<br>'''Trump''': Because you have nothing to say. * '''[[wikipedia:Martha Raddatz|Martha Raddatz]]''': ...you, Secretary Clinton, purportedly say you need both a public and private position on certain issues....<br>'''Clinton''': As I recall, that was something I said about [[Abraham Lincoln]] after having seen [[Lincoln (2012 film)|the wonderful Steven Spielberg movie]] ...<br>'''Trump''': Now she's blaming the lie on the late, great Abraham Lincoln. That's one that I haven't... OK, Honest Abe, Honest Abe never lied. That's the good thing. That's the big difference between Abraham Lincoln and you. That's a big, big difference. We're talking about some difference. * I know nothing about Russia. I know — I know about Russia, but I know nothing about the inner workings of Russia. * '''Cooper''': Did you use that $916 million loss to avoid paying personal federal income taxes for years?<br>'''Trump''': Of course I do. Of course I do. And so do all of her donors, or most of her donors. ... I pay tremendous numbers of taxes. I absolutely used it. And so did Warren Buffett and so did George Soros and so did many of the other people that Hillary is getting money from. * ...NAFTA, signed by her husband, is perhaps the greatest disaster trade deal in the history of the world. ====November 2016==== * I'm also honored to have the greatest temperament that anybody has. ** Quoted by {{citation | author=Sam Stein | date=2016-11-03 |title=Donald Trump Is Honored To Have The Greatest Temperament, Donald Trump Says | periodical=Huffington Post | url=https://www.huffpost.com/entry/donald-trump-temperament_n_581b75d3e4b0b8e11a135eac}} * Our movement is about replacing a failed and corrupt political establishment with a new government controlled by you, the American people. The establishment has trillions of dollars at stake in this election. For those who control the levers of power in Washington and for the global special interests, they partner with these people that don't have your good in mind. The political establishment that is trying to stop us is the same group responsible for our disastrous trade deals, massive illegal immigration and economic and foreign policies that have bled our country dry. The political establishment has brought about the destruction of our factories and our jobs as they flee to Mexico, China and other countries all around the world. It's a global power structure that is responsible for the economic decisions that have robbed our working class, stripped our country of its wealth and put that money into the pockets of a handful of large corporations and political entities. The only thing that can stop this corrupt machine is you. The only force strong enough to save our country is us. The only people brave enough to vote out this corrupt establishment is you, the American people. I'm doing this for the people and the movement and we will take back this country for you and we will make America great again. I'm Donald Trump and I approve this message. ** Closing argument for America (4 November 2016) *** Lines recycled from Trump's campaign rally in West Palm Beach, FL (10/13/2016) * No dream is too big, no challenge is too great. Nothing we want for our future is beyond our reach. America will no longer settle for anything less than the best. ** [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/11/10/us/politics/trump-speech-transcript.html Victory Speech] (9 November 2016) * I think I'm a sober person. I think the press tries to make you into something a little bit different. In my case, a little bit of a wild man, I'm not, I'm actually not. I'm a very sober person. ** During an interview on 60 Minutes (11 November 2016) * Today, I would like to provide the American people with an update on the White House transition and our policy plans for the first 100 days. Our transition team is working very smoothly, efficiently, and effectively. Truly great and talented men and women, patriots indeed are being brought in and many will soon be a part of our government, helping us to [[Make America Great Again]]. My agenda will be based on a simple core principle: putting [[America First (policy)|America First]]. Whether it's producing steel, building cars, or curing disease, I want the next generation of production and innovation to happen right here, in our great homeland: America – creating wealth and jobs for American workers. As part of this plan, I've asked my transition team to develop a list of executive actions we can take on day one to restore our laws and bring back our jobs. It's about time. These include the following: On trade, I am going to issue our notification of intent to withdraw from the Trans-Pacific Partnership, a potential disaster for our country. Instead, we will negotiate fair, bilateral trade deals that bring jobs and industry back onto American shores. On energy, I will cancel job-killing restrictions on the production of American energy – including [[w:Shale energy|shale energy]] and [[w:Clean coal|clean coal]] – creating many millions of high-paying jobs. That's what we want, that's what we've been waiting for. On regulation, I will formulate a rule which says that for every one new regulation, two old regulations must be eliminated, it's so important. On [[national security]], I will ask the [[w:United States Department of Defense|Department of Defense]] and the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff to develop a comprehensive plan to protect America's vital infrastructure from cyber-attacks, and all other form of attacks. On immigration, I will direct the [[w:United States Department of Labor|Department of Labor]] to investigate all abuses of visa programs that undercut the American worker. On ethics reform, as part of our plan to Drain the Swamp, we will impose a five-year ban on executive officials becoming lobbyists after they leave the Administration – and a lifetime ban on executive officials lobbying on behalf of a foreign government. These are just a few of the steps we will take to reform Washington and rebuild our middle class. I will provide more updates in the coming days, as we work together to Make America Great Again for everyone. ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7xX_KaStFT8 A Message from President-Elect Donald J. Trump] (21 November 2016) * We are very blessed to call this nation our home. And that is what America is: it is our home. It's where we raise our families, care for our loved ones, look out for our neighbors, and live out our dreams. It is my prayer, that on this Thanksgiving, we begin to heal our divisions and move forward as one country, strengthened by a shared purpose and very, very common resolve. In declaring this national holiday, President Lincoln called upon Americans to speak with "one voice and one heart." That's just what we have to do. We have just finished a long and bruising political campaign. Emotions are raw and tensions just don't heal overnight. It doesn't go quickly, unfortunately, but we have before us the chance now to make history together to bring real change to Washington, real safety to our cities, and real prosperity to our communities, including our inner cities. So important to me, and so important to our country. But to succeed, we must enlist the effort of our entire nation. This historic political campaign is now over. Now begins a great national campaign to rebuild our country and to restore the full promise of America for all of our people. I am asking you to join me in this effort. It is time to restore the bonds of trust between citizens. Because when America is unified, there is nothing beyond our reach, and I mean absolutely nothing. Let us give thanks for all that we have, and let us boldly face the exciting new frontiers that lie ahead. Thank you. God Bless You and God Bless America. ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BUnv6Kb7syQ A Thanksgiving Message from President-Elect Donald J. Trump] (23 November 2016) =====''New York Times'' Interview (November 23, 2016)===== : <small>''{{w|New York Times}}'' Interview, [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/11/23/us/politics/trump-new-york-times-interview-transcript.html?smid=tw-share Transcript] (November 23, 2016)</small> * People are giving up tremendous careers in order to be subject to you folks and subject to a lot of other folks. But they're giving up a lot. I mean some are giving up tremendous businesses in order to sit for four or maybe eight or whatever the period of time is. But I think we're going to see some tremendous talent, tremendous talent coming in. We have many people for every job. I mean no matter what the job is, we have many incredible people. I think, [[wikipedia:Reince Priebus|Reince]], you can sort of just confirm that. The quality of the people is very good. ... We're trying very hard to get the best people. Not necessarily people that will be the most politically correct people, because that hasn't been working. So we have really experts in the field. Some are known and some are not known, but they're known within their field as being the best. That's very important to me. * I think the popular vote would have been easier in a true sense because you'd go to a few places. I think that's the genius of the [[w:United States Electoral College|Electoral College]]. I was never a fan of the Electoral College until now. * What we do want to do is we want to bring the country together, because the country is very, very divided, and that's one thing I did see, big league. It's very, very divided, and I'm going to work very hard to bring the country together. * I want to move forward, I don't want to move back. And I don't want to hurt the Clintons. I really don't. She went through a lot. And suffered greatly in many different ways. And I am not looking to hurt them at all. The campaign was vicious. They say it was the most vicious primary and the most vicious campaign. I guess, added together, it was definitely the most vicious; probably, I assume you sold a lot of newspapers. ... It's just not something that I feel very strongly about. ... I'm not looking to look back and go through this. This was a very painful period. This was a very painful election with all of the email things and all of the foundation things and all of the everything that they went through and the whole country went through. This was a very painful period of time. ** About not prosecuting Hillary Clinton. * Our country's really in bad, big trouble. We have a lot of trouble. A lot of problems. And one of the big problems, I talk about, [[divisiveness]]. I think that a lot of people will appreciate … I'm not doing it for that reason. I'm doing it because it's time to go in a different direction. * '''Clean air is vitally important. Clean water, crystal clean water is vitally important. Safety is vitally important.''' * Sometimes I'll say I'm actually an [[environmentalist]] and people will smile in some cases and other people that know me understand that's true. Open mind. * We're not a competitive nation with other nations anymore. We have to make ourselves competitive. We're not competitive for a lot of reasons. That's becoming more and more of the reason. Because a lot of these countries that we do business with, they make deals with our president, or whoever, and then they don't adhere to the deals, you know that. And it's much less expensive for their companies to produce products. So I'm going to be studying that very hard, and I think I have a very big voice in it. And I think my voice is listened to, especially by people that don't believe in it. And we'll let you know. * As far as the, you know, potential conflict of interests, though, I mean I know that from the standpoint, the law is totally on my side, meaning, the president can't have a conflict of interest. That's been reported very widely. Despite that, I don't want there to be a conflict of interest anyway. And the laws, the president can't. And I understand why the president can't have a conflict of interest now because everything a president does in some ways is like a conflict of interest. * I don't care about my company. ... Because it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters to me is running our country. * It's hard to explain. I don't care about anything having to do with anything having to do with anything other than the country. * In theory I could run my business perfectly, and then run the country perfectly. And there's never been a case like this where somebody's had, like, if you look at other people of wealth, they didn't have this kind of asset and this kind of wealth, frankly. It's just a different thing. * I've known [[Steve Bannon]] a long time. If I thought he was a [[Racism in the United States|racist]], or [[alt-right]], or any of the things that we can, you know, the terms we can use, I wouldn't even think about hiring him. First of all, I'm the one that makes the decision, not Steve Bannon or anybody else. * To me more important is taking care of the people that really have proven to be, to love Donald Trump, as opposed to the political people. And frankly if the political people don't take care of these people, they're not going to win and you're going to end up with maybe a total different kind of government than what you're looking at right now. These people are really angry. They're smart, they're workers, and they're angry. I call them the forgotten men and women. And I use that in speeches, I say they're the forgotten people — they were totally forgotten. * I would love to be able to be the one that made peace with Israel and the Palestinians. I would love that, that would be such a great achievement. Because nobody's been able to do it. ... I've had a lot of, actually, great Israeli businesspeople tell me, you can't do that, it's impossible. I disagree, I think you can make peace. I think people are tired now of being shot, killed. At some point, when do they come? I think we can do that. I have reason to believe I can do that. * [[The Times]] is, it's a great, great American jewel. A world jewel. ====December 2016==== * There is no global anthem, no global [[currency]], no certificate of global [[citizenship]], we pledge allegiance to one flag and that flag is the [[Flag of the United States|American Flag]]! ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBqIUF-cdgY#t=15m38s Thank You Tour - Cincinnati, Ohio] (1 December 2016) * Funny how that term caught on, isn't it? I tell everyone, I hated it. Somebody said 'drain the swamp' and I said, 'Oh, that is so hokey. That is so terrible.' I said, all right, I'll try it. So like a month ago I said 'drain the swamp' and the place went crazy. And I said 'Whoa, what's this?' Then I said it again. And then I start saying it like I meant it, right? And then I started to love it, and the place loved it. Drain the swamp. It's true. It's true. Drain the swamp. ** [http://www.cnbc.com/2016/12/21/trump-adviser-says-he-is-ditching-drain-the-swamp.html During a rally in Des Moines, Iowa] (December 2016) * We will pursue a new foreign policy that finally learns from the mistakes of the past. We will stop looking to topple regimes and overthrow governments. ... Our goal is stability, not chaos, because we want to rebuild our country. It's time. ** Speaking at U.S. Bank Arena, quoted in {{citation |date=2016-12-01 |title=Trump's new foreign policy: 'We will stop looking to topple regimes' |author=Anna Giaritelli |periodical={{w|Washington Examiner}} |url=http://www.washingtonexaminer.com/trumps-new-foreign-policy-we-will-stop-looking-to-topple-regimes/article/2608687}} ===2017=== {| style="float:center; background:none;border: 1px solid silver;{{Border-radius|35px}}; margin:15px; background-color:#F6F6F6;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122);" |- |<div id="articlecount" style="width:100%; text-align:center; font-size:105%;"> 20 January 2017 [[File:Seal of the President of the United States.svg|20px]] - Donald Trump's presidency began</div> |- |} ====January 2017==== * '''Reporter:''' Would a reasonable observer say that you are potentially vulnerable to blackmail by Russia or by its [[Espionage|intelligence]] agencies?<br>'''Trump:''' Lemme just tell you what I do. When I leave our country, I'm a very high-profile person, would you say? I am extremely careful. I'm surrounded by bodyguards. I'm surrounded by people. And I always tell them—anywhere, but I always tell them if I'm leaving this country, "Be very careful, because in your hotel rooms and no matter where you go, you're gonna probably have cameras." I'm not referring just to Russia, but I would certainly put them in that category. And number one, "I hope you're gonna be good anyway. But in those rooms, you have cameras in the strangest places. Cameras that are so small with modern technology, you can't see them and you won't know. You better be careful, or you'll be watching yourself on nightly television." I tell this to people all the time. I was in Russia years ago, with the Miss Universe contest, which did very well—Moscow, the Moscow area did very, very well. And I told many people, "Be careful, because you don't wanna see yourself on television. Cameras all over the place."<br>And again, not just Russia, all over. Does anyone really believe that story? I'm also very much of a germaphobe, by the way, believe me. ** [https://www.nytimes.com/2017/01/11/us/politics/trump-press-conference-transcript.html, Donald Trump Press Conference at Trump Tower] (11 January 2017) [[File:Donald_Trump_delivering_inauguration_speech_01-20-17_(cropped).jpg|thumb|From this moment on, it's going to be America First.]][[File:2017_Presidential_Inauguration_CV6A0663.jpg|thumb|I looked out, the field was, looked like million, million and a half people.]] * I looked out, the field was, looked like million, million and a half people. They showed a field where there was practically nobody standing there. And they said, "Donald Trump did not draw well." I said, "It was almost raining!" The rain should've scared them away but God looked down and said we're not going to let it rain on your speech. ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GMBqDN7-QLg Trump speaking at the CIA Headquarters about his inauguration crowd and the press coverage], FOX 10 Phoenix (21 January 2017) *The old expression, ‘to the victor belong the spoils’—you remember. I always used to say, keep the oil. I wasn’t a fan of Iraq. I didn’t want to go into Iraq. But I will tell you, when we were in, we got out wrong. And I always said, in addition to that, keep the oil. Now, I said it for economic reasons. But if you think about it, Mike, if we kept the oil you probably wouldn’t have ISIS because that’s where they made their money in the first place. So we should have kept the oil. But okay. Maybe you’ll have another chance. But the fact is, should have kept the oil. **Speech to the CIA, [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/trump-cia-speech-transcript/ 23 January 2017] * But when you look at this tremendous sea of love — I call it a "sea of love" — it's really something special. ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RDvoBoxv028 Trump describing a framed photograph of his inauguration crowd during an interview with David Muir], ABC (25 January 2017) * [About David Becker] He's grovelling again. You know, I always talk about the reporters that grovel when they want to write something that you want to hear but not necessarily millions of people want to hear or have to hear. ** [http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-38764653/ "Trump's voter fraud talk has liberals worried"], BBC (27 January 2017) * We want to ensure that we are not admitting into our country the very threats our soldiers are fighting overseas. ** [http://edition.cnn.com/2017/01/27/politics/trump-plans-to-sign-executive-action-on-refugees-extreme-vetting/ "Trump signs executive order to keep out 'radical Islamic terrorists'"], CNN (27 January 2017) * I've always felt the need to pray...I would say that the office is so powerful that you need God even more. ** [http://www1.cbn.com/cbnnews/entertainment/2017/january/worship-artist-credits-psalms-91-for-miraculous-cancer-healing Trump's interview with David Brody], CBN News (29 January 2017) =====Inaugural address, (January 20, 2017)===== <small>[https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefings-statements/the-inaugural-address/ Transcript] (January 20, 2017)</small> *[[John Roberts|Chief Justice Roberts]], [[Jimmy Carter|President Carter]], President Clinton, President Bush, President Obama, fellow Americans, and people of the world: Thank you. We, the citizens of America, are now joined in a great national effort to rebuild our country and restore its promise for all of our people. Together, we will determine the course of America and the world for many, many years to come. We will face challenges, we will confront hardships, but we will get the job done. Every 4 years, we gather on these steps to carry out the orderly and peaceful transfer of power, and we are grateful to President Obama and [[Michelle Obama|First Lady Michelle Obama]] for their gracious aid throughout this transition. They have been magnificent. Thank you. * Today's ceremony, however, has very special meaning. '''Because today we are not merely transferring power from one administration to another or from one party to another, but we are transferring power from Washington, DC, and giving it back to you, the people. For too long, a small group in our Nation's Capital has reaped the rewards of Government while the people have borne the cost. Washington flourished, but the people did not share in its wealth.''' '''Politicians prospered, but the jobs left, and the factories closed. The establishment protected itself, but not the citizens of our country.''' '''Their victories have not been your victories; their triumphs have not been your triumphs; and while they celebrated in our Nation's Capital, there was little to celebrate for struggling families all across our land.''' That all changes, starting right here and right now, because this moment is your moment: It belongs to you. It belongs to everyone gathered here today and everyone watching all across America. This is your day. This is your celebration. And this, the United States of America, is your country. What truly matters is not which party controls our Government, but whether our Government is controlled by the people. '''January 20, 2017, will be remembered as the day the people became the rulers of this Nation again. The forgotten men and women of our country will be forgotten no longer. Everyone is listening to you now.''' * '''You came by the tens of millions to become part of a historic movement the likes of which the world has never seen before. At the center of this movement is a crucial conviction: that a nation exists to serve its citizens.''' Americans want great schools for their children, safe neighborhoods for their families, and good jobs for themselves. These are just and reasonable demands of righteous people and a righteous public. But for too many of our citizens, a different reality exists: Mothers and children trapped in poverty in our inner cities; rusted-out factories scattered like tombstones across the landscape of our Nation; an [[Education in the United States|education system]], flush with cash, but which leaves our young and beautiful students deprived of all knowledge; and the crime and the gangs and the drugs that have stolen too many lives and robbed our country of so much unrealized potential. This American carnage stops right here and stops right now. We are one Nation, and their pain is our pain, their dreams are our dreams, and their success will be our success. We share one heart, one home, and one glorious destiny. The oath of office I take today is an oath of allegiance to all Americans. * For many decades, we've enriched foreign industry at the expense of American industry, subsidized the armies of other countries while allowing for the very sad depletion of our military. We've defended other nations' borders while refusing to defend our own and spent trillions and trillions of dollars overseas while America's infrastructure has fallen into disrepair and decay. We've made other countries rich while the wealth, strength, and confidence of our country has dissipated over the horizon. One by one, the factories shuttered and left our shores, with not even a thought about the millions and millions of American workers that were left behind. The wealth of our middle class has been ripped from their homes and then redistributed all across the world. But that is the past. And now we are looking only to the future. '''We, assembled here today, are issuing a new decree to be heard in every city, in every foreign capital, and in every hall of power. From this day forward, a new vision will govern our land. From this this day forward, it's going to be only America first. America first.''' Every decision on trade, on taxes, on immigration, on foreign affairs, will be made to benefit American workers and American families. * We must protect our borders from the ravages of other countries making our products, stealing our companies, and destroying our jobs. Protection will lead to great prosperity and strength. I will fight for you with every breath in my body, and I will never, ever let you down. America will start winning again, winning like never before. We will bring back our jobs. We will bring back our borders. We will bring back our wealth. And we will bring back our dreams. We will build new roads and highways and bridges and airports and tunnels and railways all across our wonderful Nation. We will get our people off of welfare and back to work, rebuilding our country with American hands and American labor. We will follow two simple rules: Buy American and hire American. We will seek friendship and good will with the nations of the world, but we do so with the understanding that it is the right of all nations to put their own interests first. We do not seek to impose our way of life on anyone, but rather to let it shine as an example—we will shine—for everyone to follow. '''We will reinforce old alliances and form new ones and unite the civilized world against radical Islamic terrorism, which we will eradicate completely from the face of the Earth.''' '''At the bedrock of our politics will be a total allegiance to the United States of America, and through our loyalty to our country, we will rediscover our loyalty to each other. When you open your heart to patriotism, there is no room for prejudice. [[The Bible]] tells us, "How good and pleasant it is when God's people live together in unity." We must speak our minds openly, debate our disagreements honestly, but always pursue solidarity. When America is united, America is totally unstoppable.''' There should be no fear: We are protected, and we will always be protected. We will be protected by the great men and women of our military and law enforcement, and most importantly, we will be protected by God. * Finally, we must think big and dream even bigger. In America, we understand that a nation is only living as long as it is striving. We will no longer accept politicians who are all talk and no action, constantly complaining, but never doing anything about it. The time for empty talk is over. Now arrives the hour of action. Do not allow anyone to tell you that it cannot be done. No challenge can match the heart and fight and spirit of America. We will not fail. Our country will thrive and prosper again. We stand at the birth of a new millennium, ready to unlock the mysteries of space, to free the Earth from the miseries of disease, and to harness the energies, industries, and [[Technology|technologies]] of tomorrow. A new national pride will stir our souls, lift our sights, and heal our divisions. * It's time to remember that old wisdom our soldiers will never forget: that whether we are Black or Brown or White, we all bleed the same red blood of patriots, we all enjoy the same glorious freedoms, and we all salute the same great American flag. And whether a child is born in the urban sprawl of [[Detroit]] or the windswept plains of [[w:Nebraska|Nebraska]], they look up at the same night sky, they fill their heart with the same dreams, and they are infused with the breath of life by the same almighty Creator. So to all Americans in every city near and far, small and large, from mountain to mountain, from ocean to ocean, hear these words: You will never be ignored again. Your voice, your hopes, and your dreams will define our American destiny. And your courage and goodness and love will forever guide us along the way. '''Together, we will make America strong again. We will make America wealthy again. We will make America proud again. We will make America safe again. And, yes, together, we will make America great again.''' Thank you. God bless you, and God bless America. Thank you. God bless America. ====February 2017==== * I am very proud now that we have a museum on the National Mall where people can learn about [[Reverend King]], so many other things, [[Frederick Douglass]] is an example of somebody who’s done an amazing job and is getting recognized more and more, I notice. [[Harriet Tubman]], [[Rosa Parks]], and millions more black Americans who made [[America] what it is today. Big impact ** [https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2017/02/frederick-douglass-trump/515292/ Donald Trump's Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass] February 1, 2017 *As we celebrate National African American History Month, we recognize the heritage and achievements of African Americans. The contributions African Americans have made and continue to make are an integral part of our society, and the history of African Americans exemplifies the resilience and innovative spirit that continue to make our Nation great **[https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/president-donald-j-trump-proclaims-february-national-african-american-history-month/ 2 February 2017] * For us here in Washington, we must never ever stop asking God for the wisdom to serve the public according to His will. But we had tremendous success on ''The Apprentice'' and, when I ran for President, I had to leave the show, that's when I knew for sure I was doing it, and they hired a big, big movie star, [[Arnold Schwarzenegger]], to take my place, and we know how that turned out. The ratings went right down the tubes, it's been a total disaster, and [[w:Mark Burnett|Mark [Burnett]]] will never, ever bet against Trump again, and I want to just pray for Arnold, if we can, for those rating, OK? ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyxacu5AslI Trump's "National Prayer Breakfast" speech] (2 February 2017) * We have to be tough. It's time we're going to be a little bit tough, folks. We're taken advantage by every nation in the world, virtually. It's not going to happen anymore. ** [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2017/feb/02/donald-trump-australia-refugees-malcolm-turnbull-phone-call White House suggests US may still accept Australia refugees despite clash] (2 February 2017) * It's gotten to a point where it's not even being reported, and in many cases the very, very dishonest press doesn't want to report it. They have their reasons and you understand that. ** [http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-38890090 Trump on the reporting of terrorist attacks during a speech given at MacDill Air Force Base] (6 February 2017) * Who is the state senator? Do you want to give me his name? We'll destroy his career. ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z1SKm1hTWq0 Trump responding to Sheriff Harold Eavenson's statement] about a Texas state senator proposing legislation to require convictions before sheriffs could receive forfeiture money. (7 February 2017) * I listened to a panel of judges and I'll comment on that — I will not comment on the statements made by, um, certainly one judge — but I have to be honest that if these judges wanted to, in my opinion, help the court, in terms of respect for the court, they'd do what they should be doing. I mean it's so sad, they should be, you know, when you read something so simple, and so beautifully written, and so perfectly written — other than the one statement, of course, having to do with "he" or "she" — but when you read something so perfectly written, and so clear to anybody, and then you have lawyers and you watched, I watched last night in amazement, and I heard things that I couldn't believe, things that really had nothing to do with what I just read, and I don't ever want to call a court biased, so I won't call it biased, and we haven't had a decision yet, but courts seem to be so political, and it would be so great for our justice system if they would be able to read a statement and do what's right. * Every child in America should be able to play outside without fear, walk home without danger, and attend a school without being worried about drugs or gangs or violence. ** [https://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2017/02/08/remarks-president-trump-mcca-winter-conference Remarks by President Trump at MCCA Winter Conference] (8 February 2017) * Well I just want to say that we are, you know, very honored by the victory that we had, 306 electoral college votes, we were not supposed to crack 220, you [turning to the [[Benjamin Netanyahu|Israeli PM]]] know that right? There was no way to 221, but then they said there's no way to 270 [Netanyahu tries to respond, but Trump continues, so then mouths "I thought he was talking to me"] and there's tremendous enthusiasm out there. I will say that, um, we are going to have peace, in this country, we are going to stop crime, in this country, we are going to do everything within our power to stop long-simmering racism, and every other thing that's going on, because a lot of bad things have been taking place over a long period of time. I think one of the reasons I won the election is we have a very, very divided nation, very divided, and hopefully I'll be able to do something about that, and I, you know, it's something that was very important to me. As far as people, Jewish people, so many friends, a daughter who happens to be here right now, a son-in-law, and three beautiful grandchildren, I think that you're going to see a lot different United States of America over the next three, four, or eight years, er, I think a lot of good things are happening, and you're going to see a lot of love, you're going to see a lot of love. ** Trump responding to a reporter's question about rising anti-Semitic incidents and a perception of xenophobia in his administration, during a [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SmfseeZt5fA joint press conference with Benjamin Netanyahu, Prime Minister of Israel] (15 February 2017) * The press has become so dishonest that if we don't talk about, we are doing a tremendous disservice to the American people. Tremendous disservice. We have to talk to find out what's going on, because the press honestly is out of control. The level of dishonesty is out of control. * I guess it was the [[wikipedia:List_of_United_States_presidential_elections_by_Electoral_College_margin|biggest Electoral College win]] since Ronald Reagan. * This administration is running like a fine-tuned machine. [[File:Michael_Flynn_(30020745053).jpg|thumb|Mike Flynn is a fine person, and I asked for his resignation.]] * [[Michael T. Flynn|Mike Flynn]] is a fine person, and I asked for his resignation. He respectfully gave it. He is a man who there was a certain amount of information given to [[Mike Pence|Vice President Pence]], who is with us today. And I was not happy with the way that information was given. He didn't have to do that, because what he did wasn't wrong. What he did in terms of the information he saw. What was wrong was the way that other people, including yourselves in this room, were given that information, because that was classified information that was given illegally. That's the real problem. * Look, when I go to rallies, they turn around, they start screaming at [[CNN]]. They want to throw their placards at CNN. You know. I think you would do much better by being different. * Tomorrow, they will say, "Donald Trump rants and raves at the press." I'm not ranting and raving. I'm just telling you. You know, you're dishonest people. But, but I'm not ranting and raving. I love this. I'm having a good time doing it. But tomorrow, the headlines are going to be, "Donald Trump rants and raves." I'm not ranting and raving. [[File:HEUraniumC.jpg|thumb|You know what uranium is, right? It's a thing called nuclear weapons and other things like lots of things are done with uranium including some bad things.]] * You know what [[w:Uranium|uranium]] is, right? It's a thing called [[nuclear weapons]] and other things like lots of things are done with uranium including some bad things. * In the meantime, [[Mosul]] is very, very difficult. Do you know why? Because I don't talk about military, and I don't talk about certain other things, you're going to be surprised to hear that. And by the way, my whole campaign, I'd say that. So I don't have to tell you. I don't want to be one of these guys that say, "Yes, here's what we're going to do." I don't have to do that. I don't have to tell you what I'm going to do in [[North Korea]]. Wait a minute. I don't have to tell you what I'm going to do in North Korea. And I don't have to tell you what I'm going to do with Iran. You know why? Because they shouldn't know. And eventually, you guys are going to get tired of asking that question. * Where are you from? [The reporter responds that he is from the BBC] Here's another beauty. * Do you want to set up the meeting? Are they friends of yours? [Addressing an African-American reporter and referring to the [[w:Congressional_Black_Caucus|Congressional Black Caucus]]] ** [https://www.nytimes.com/2017/02/16/us/politics/donald-trump-press-conference-transcript.html?_r=0 Comments made during a news conference at the White House] (16 February 2017) *I am the least anti-Semitic person that you’ve ever seen in your entire life **17 February 2017 per [https://www.cnbc.com/2017/02/16/donald-trump-i-am-the-least-anti-semitic-racist-person-that-youve-ever-seen.html CNBC] * You look at what's happening {{w|last night in Sweden}}. Sweden! Who would believe this, Sweden! They took in large numbers, they're having problems like they never thought possible. ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AMLK15edOUY Trump speaking at mass rally of his supporters in Melbourne, Florida] (18 February 2017) * And I want you all to know that we are fighting the [[fake news]]. It's fake, phony, fake. A few days ago I called the fake news the [[wikipedia:enemy of the people|enemy of the people]], and they are, they are the enemy of the people. * They shouldn't be allowed to use sources unless they use somebody's name. Let their name be put out there. Let their name be put out. * I love [[Sweden]], great country, great people, I love Sweden. But they understand, the people over there understand I'm right. Take a look at [[wikipedia:Crime in Sweden|what's happening in Sweden]]. * I have a friend, he's a very, very substantial guy. He loves the city of lights, he loves [[Paris]]. For years, every year during the summer, he would go to Paris, was automatic with his wife and his family. Hadn't seen him in a while and I said, Jim, let me ask you a question, how's Paris doing? "Paris? I don't go there anymore, Paris is no longer Paris." ** [http://time.com/4682023/cpac-donald-trump-speech-transcript/ Trump speaking at the annual Conservative Political Action Conference] (24 February 2017) * It's an unbelievably complex subject. Nobody knew healthcare could be so complicated. ** [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/video/2017/feb/27/trump-healthcare-complicated-budget-video Speaking at the National Governors Association meeting at the White House] (27 February 2017) *Nations around the world, like [[Canada]], [[Australia]] and many others – have a merit-based immigration system. It is a basic principle that those seeking to enter a country ought to be able to support themselves financially,<br>Yet, in America, we do not enforce this rule, straining the very public resources that our poorest citizens rely upon.<br>..<br>With the help of Prime Minister [[Justin Trudeau]], we have formed a Council with our neighbors in Canada to help ensure that women entrepreneurs have access to the networks, markets and capital they need to start a business and live out their financial dreams<br>..<br>America respects the right of all nations to chart their own path. My job is not to represent the world. My job is to represent the United States of America<br>..<br>It is not compassionate, but reckless, to allow uncontrolled entry from places where proper vetting cannot occur,<br>We cannot allow a beachhead of terrorism to form inside America -- we cannot allow our nation to become a sanctuary for extremists. **[https://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/world/us-politics/donald-trump-congress-speech-immigration/article34158135/ 28 February 2017, per Globe and Mail] ====March 2017==== * As we stand together with our Irish friends, I'm reminded of that proverb – and this is a good one, this is one I like, I've heard it for many many years and I love it – "Always remember to forget the friends that proved untrue, but never forget to remember those that have stuck by you." We know that, politically speaking, a lot of us know that, we know it well, it's a great phrase. ** [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2017/mar/17/trumps-irish-proverb-causes-derision-on-the-web Trump speaking during a visit of Enda Kenny, the then Irish head of government] (17 March 2017) ====April 2017==== *Let's fucking kill him! Let's go in. Let's kill the fucking lot of them. **About [[Bashar al-Assad]], as quoted in [https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/bob-woodwards-new-book-reveals-a-nervous-breakdown-of-trumps-presidency/2018/09/04/b27a389e-ac60-11e8-a8d7-0f63ab8b1370_story.html?noredirect=on&utm_term=.f1bf8ed6690c "Bob Woodward's new book reveals a ‘nervous breakdown' of Trump's presidency"] (4 September 2018), by Philip Rucker and Robert Costa, ''The Washington Post'' *Today's chemical attack in Syria against innocent people, including women and children, is reprehensible and cannot be ignored by the civilized world. These heinous actions by the [[Bashar al-Assad]] regime are a consequence of the past administration's weakness and irresolution. President Obama said in 2012 that he would establish a "red line" against the use of chemical weapons and then did nothing. The United States stands with our allies across the globe to condemn this intolerable attack. **[https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/statement-the-chemical-weapons-attack-khan-sheikhoun-syria Statement on the Chemical Weapons Attack in Khan Sheikhoun, Syria], ''American Presidency Project'', (6 September 2017) * It was a slow and brutal death for so many…Even beautiful babies were cruelly murdered in this very barbaric attack. ** President Trump on Syria's chemical weapons attack, [http://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/trump-blasts-syria-murdering-civilians-u-s-strike-article-1.3027449 "President Trump blasts Syria for 'cruelly murdering' its own people as U.S. fires at least 50 missiles at airfield"], 6 April 2017. * We had finished dinner. We're now having dessert. And we had the most beautiful piece of chocolate cake that you've ever seen and President [[Xi Jinping|Xi]] was enjoying it. * So what happens is, I said we've just launched 59 missiles heading to Iraq. [Interviewer interrupts to correct him] Yes, heading toward Syria. ** President Trump explaining his decision to launch a missile strike while dining with Chinese President Xi Jinping, [http://www.cnn.com/2017/04/12/politics/donald-trump-xi-jingping-syria-chocolate-cake/ "Trump, Xi talked Syria strike over 'beautiful' chocolate cake"], 12 April 2017. * So this is promoting agriculture and rural prosperity in America. And, now, there's a lot of words I won't bother reading everything. ** [https://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2017/04/25/remarks-president-trump-farmers-roundtable-and-executive-order-signing Remarks by President Trump in Farmers Roundtable and Executive Order Signing Promoting Agriculture and Rural Prosperity in America] (April 25, 2017) [[File:Shinzō_Abe_and_Donald_Trump_in_Palm_Beach_(3).jpeg|thumb|I thought it would be easier.]] * I thought it would be easier. ** [http://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-trump-100days-idUSKBN17U0CA Trump discussing his first 100 days in interview with Reuters] (April 27, 2017) * I think we've done more than perhaps any president in the first 100 days.... Not since [President] [[Harry Truman]] has anybody done so much. ** Interview with President Trump, [http://www.washingtonexaminer.com/full-interview-with-president-trump-on-his-first-100-days/article/2621516 "Full interview with President Trump on his first 100 days"], 28 April 2017. ====May 2017==== * People don't realize, you know, the [[American Civil War|Civil War]], if you think about it, why? ** [http://www.nbcnews.com/politics/politics-news/trump-why-couldn-t-civil-war-have-been-avoided-n753241 Trump: Why Couldn't the Civil War Have Been Avoided?] (May 1, 2017) * No American should be forced to choose between the dictates of the federal government and the tenets of their faith. ** [http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2017/05/04/what-trump-understands-about-religious-liberty-in-america.html What Trump understands about religious liberty in America?] (May 4, 2017) [[File:James_Comey_official_portrait.jpg|thumb|I just fired the head of the F.B.I. He was crazy, a real nut job.]] * I just fired the [[James Comey|head of the F.B.I.]] He was crazy, a real nut job.<br>..<br>I faced great pressure because of Russia. That's taken off.<br>..<br>I'm not under investigation. ** [https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/19/us/politics/trump-russia-comey.html Part of Trump's conversation with Russian officials invited to the White House], according to the official account of the meeting (10 May 2017) * Have you heard that expression used before? Because I haven't heard it. I mean, I just... I came up with it a couple of days ago and I thought it was good. It's what you have to do. ** [http://www.economist.com/Trumptranscript Trump claiming to have invented the term "prime the pump"] in the context of [[wikipedia:Stimulus_(economics)|economic stimulus]] during an interview published in [[The Economist]] (11 May 2017) * And in fact, when I decided to just do it, I said to myself, I said, "You know, this Russia thing, with Trump and Russia, is a made-up story, it's an excuse by the Democrats for having lost an election." ** [http://www.nbcnews.com/nightly-news/video/president-trump-this-russia-thing-is-a-made-up-story-941962819745 Trump admitting in an interview with NBC's Lester Holt] that annoyance at federal investigations was a motivation for firing FBI Director James Comey (11 May 2017) * Nothing is easier or more pathetic than being a critic. Because they're people that can't get the job done. But the future belongs to the dreamers, not to the critics. The future belongs to the people who follow their heart no matter what the critics say. ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B421uhrOV-o&feature=youtu.be&t=12m34s Liberty University commencement speech] (13 May 2017) * Look at the way I have been treated lately, especially by the media. No politician in history, and I say this with great surety, has been treated worse, or more unfairly. ** [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/video/2017/may/17/donald-trump-media-coast-guard-speech-video Trump being a critic of the media during his speech at the US Coast Guard Academy commencement ceremony] (17 May 2017) * Oh my God. This is terrible. '''This is the end of my Presidency. I'm fucked.''' ** On the appointment of a special counsel in the Russia investigation. As quoted in [[:commons:File:Report On The Investigation Into Russian Interference In The 2016 Presidential Election.pdf|"Report On The Investigation Into Russian Interference In The 2016 Presidential Election"]] by Robert S. Mueller III, Volume II, page 78. * So many young, beautiful, innocent people living and enjoying their lives murdered by evil losers in life, I won't call them monsters because they would like that term. They would think that's a great name. I will call them from now on losers because that's what they are. They're losers. And we'll have more of them. But they're losers—just remember that. ** [https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2017/05/trump-manchester-losers/527745/] ====June 2017==== * I was elected represent the citizens of [[Pittsburgh]], not Paris. ** [https://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2017/06/01/statement-president-trump-paris-climate-accord Statement by President Trump on the Paris Climate Accord], announcing his intention to withdraw the US from the {{w|Paris Agreement}} (1 June 2017) * History is written by the dreamers, not the doubters. [[File:Family trump in the Easter Egg Roll (cropped).jpg|thumb|I love all people, rich or poor, but in those particular positions I just don't want a poor person.]] * I love all people, rich or poor, but in those particular positions I just don't want a poor person. * We're thinking about building the wall as a solar wall, so it [[wikipedia:Conservation of energy|creates energy]], and pays for itself. And this way Mexico will have to pay much less money, and that's good, right, is that good? You're the first group I've told that to, a solar wall, makes sense, let's see, we're working it out, we'll see, solar wall, panels, beautiful. I mean actually think of it, the higher it goes the more valuable it is, it's like... pretty good imagination ''[points to his own head]'', right, good? My idea. ** [http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2017/06/21/president-trump-holds-iowa-rally-live-blog.html President Trump Holds a Rally in Cedar Rapids, Iowa] (21 June 2017) * Well I didn't tape him — you never know what's happening, when you see that the Obama administration, and perhaps longer than that, was doing all of this unmasking and, er, surveillance, and you read all about it, and I've been reading about for the last couple of months about the seriousness of the, and horrible situation, with surveillance all over the place, and you've been hearing the word 'unmasking', a word you probably never heard before, so you never know what's out there — but I didn't tape, and I don't have any tape, and I didn't tape. * Well, er, it wasn't, er, it wasn't very stupid, I can tell you that. ''[In response to the interviewer suggesting that his tweeting that there were tapes was a smart tactic]'' ** [http://insider.foxnews.com/2017/06/23/trump-comey-tapes-tweet-mueller-probe-fox-friends-interview Trump interviewed by Ainsley Earhardt on Fox & Friends] (23 June 2017) * I heard poorly rated [[Joe Scarborough|@Morning_Joe]] speaks badly of me (don't watch anymore). Then how come low I.Q. Crazy Mika, along with Psycho Joe, came to Mar-a-Lago 3 nights in a row around New Year's Eve, and insisted on joining me. She was bleeding badly from a face-lift. I said no! ** [https://www.nytimes.com/2017/06/29/business/media/trump-mika-brzezinski-facelift.html Trump Mocks Mika Brzezinski] (29 June 2017) [[File:Donald_Trump_(29273256122)_-_Cropped.jpg|thumb|The human soul yearns for discovery. By unlocking the mysteries of the universe, we unlock truths within ourselves.]] * The human soul yearns for discovery. By unlocking the mysteries of the universe, we unlock truths within ourselves. That's true. Our journey into space will not only make us stronger and more prosperous, but will unite us behind grand ambitions and bring us all closer together. Wouldn't that be nice? Can you believe that space is going to do that? I thought politics would do that. (Laughter.) Well, we'll have to rely on space instead. * Every launch into the skies is another step forward toward a future where our differences seem small against the vast expanse of our common [[humanity]]. Sometimes you have to view things from a distance in order to see the real truth. It is America's destiny to be at the forefront of humanity's eternal quest for knowledge and to be the leader amongst nations on our adventure into the great unknown. * [[Space]]. A lotta room out there, right? ''[Buzz Aldrin interjects: To infinity and beyond!]'' This is [[infinity]], it could be infinity, we don't really don't know, but it could be, there's gotta be something, but it could be infinity, right? ** [https://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2017/06/30/remarks-president-signing-executive-order-national-space-council Trump speaking while signing an Executive Order on the National Space Council] (30 June 2017) ====July 2017==== * The fundamental question of our time is whether the West has the will to survive. Do we have the confidence in our values to defend them at any cost? Do we have enough respect for our citizens to protect our borders? Do we have the desire and the courage to preserve our civilization in the face of those who would subvert and destroy it? ** [https://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2017/07/06/remarks-president-trump-people-poland-july-6-2017 Remarks by President Trump to the People of Poland] (6 July 2017) * ...let Obamacare fail, it will be a lot easier. And I think we're probably in that position where we'll let Obamacare fail. We're not going to own it. I'm not going to own it. I can tell you the Republicans are not going to own it. We'll let Obamacare fail, and then the Democrats are going to come to us. ** White House press conference, {{#formatdate:2017-07-18}}, quoted in {{citation|date=2017-07-18|author=Thomas Kaplan|title=‘Let Obamacare Fail,’ Trump Says as G.O.P. Health Bill Collapses|periodical=New York Times|url=https://www.nytimes.com/2017/07/18/us/politics/republicans-obamacare-repeal-now-replace-later.html}} * I am disappointed in the [[w:United States Attorney General|Attorney General]], he should not have [[wikipedia:Judicial_disqualification|recused himself]], almost immediately after he took office, and if he was going to recuse himself he should have told me prior to taking office, and I would have quite simply picked somebody else, so I think that's a bad thing, not for the President but for the presidency, I think it's unfair to the presidency, and that's the way I feel. ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZgImDKyPZwg Trump responding to a question] about [[Jeff Sessions]] in a White House press briefing (25 July 2017) * I said please [[w:Police brutality in the United States|don't be too nice]]. Like when you guys put somebody in the car, and you're protecting their head, you know, the way you put the hand over, like, don't hit their head, and they've just killed somebody, don't hit their head? I said, you can take the hand away, OK. ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NFgjNPiq9Cw Speaking to police officers] at Suffolk County Community College, Long Island (28 July 2017) =====2017 National Scout Jamboree (July 24, 2017)===== <small>[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TplF26czQVE Trump inspiring young people at the 2017 National Scout Jamboree] (24 July 2017)</small> * I said, who the hell wants to speak about politics when I'm in front of the boy scouts, right? * You know, I go to Washington and I see all these politicians, and I see the swamp, and it's not a good place, in fact, today I said we ought to change it from the word 'swamp' to the word 'cesspool' or perhaps to the word 'sewer'. But it's not good, not good. * Secretary [[Tom Price (U.S. politician)|Tom Price]] is also here. Today Dr. Price still lives the scout oath, helping to keep millions of Americans strong and healthy as our Secretary of Health and Human Services, and he's doing a great job. And, hopefully, he's going to get the votes tomorrow to start our path toward killing this horrible thing known as Obamacare that's really hurting us, folks. By the way, you going to get the votes? He better get them. He better get them. Oh, he better, otherwise I'll say, "Tom, you're fired." * Turn those cameras back there, please, that is so incredible. By the way, what do you think the chances are that this incredible, massive crowd, record-setting is going to be shown on television tonight? 1% or zero? The fake media will say, "President Trump", and you know what this is, "President Trump spoke before a small crowd of boy scouts today." * By the way, just a question, did President Obama ever come to a jamboree? * And you know we have a tremendous disadvantage in the electoral college, popular vote is much easier. ====August 2017==== * [[North Korea]] best not make any more {{w|Nuclear power in North Korea|threats to the United States}}. They will be met with '''fire and fury like the world has never seen'''. He has been very threatening beyond a normal state. They will be met with '''fire, fury, and frankly power''' the likes of which this world has never seen before. ** Comment on North Korean nuclear tests, made during a public meeting on the {{W|opioid epidemic}}. ** [http://www.cnn.com/2017/08/09/politics/trump-fire-fury-improvise-north-korea/index.html Trump's 'fire and fury' remark was improvised but familiar], CNN. August 9, 2017. * We condemn in the strongest possible terms this egregious display of hatred, bigotry and violence on many sides, on many sides [repeat intentional]. This had been going on for a long time in our country. Not Donald Trump, not Barack Obama. A long, long time. ** First statement regarding White Nationalist Rally terrorism in Charlottesville, VA. [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2017/aug/12/charlottesville-protest-trump-condemns-violence-many-sides]. The Guardian. (12 August 2017) * [[Racism]] is evil -- and those who cause violence in its name are criminals and thugs, including [[Ku Klux Klan|KKK]], [[neo-Nazis]], [[White supremacy|white supremacists]], and other hate groups are repugnant to everything we hold dear as Americans. Those who spread violence in the name of bigotry strike at the very core of America. As a candidate I promised to restore law and order to our country and our federal [[Law enforcement in the United States|law enforcement]] agencies are following through on that pledge. We will spare no resource in fighting so that every American child can grow up free from violence and fear. We will defend and protect the sacred rights of all Americans and we will work together so that every citizen in this blessed land is free to follow their dreams, in their hearts, and to express the love and joy in our souls. ** Subsequent statement regarding the violence at a [[wikipedia:far-right|far-right]] [[wikipedia:2017 Unite the Right rally|Charlottesville, VA rally]] held on August 11-12, 2017; [http://www.cnn.com/2017/08/14/politics/trump-condemns-charlottesville-attackers/index.html Trump calls KKK, neo-Nazis, white supremacists 'repugnant'] (14 August 2017) * '''Yes, I think there's blame on both sides, you look at, you look at both sides, I think there's blame on both sides, and I have no doubt about it, and you don't have any doubt about it either.''' And if you reported it accurately, you would say...[Reporter: The neo-Nazis started this thing. They showed up in Charlottesville. They... (Reporters crosstalk)] Excuse me. Excuse me. '''They didn't put themselves down as [[neo-Nazis]].''' And you had some very bad people in that group. '''But you also had people that were very fine people, on both sides.''' You had people in that group — excuse me, excuse me — I saw the same pictures as you did. You had people in that group that were there to protest the taking down of, to them, a very, very important statue and the renaming of a park from [[Robert E. Lee]] to another name. [Reporters crosstalk] [[George Washington]] was a slave owner. Was George Washington a slave owner? So will George Washington now lose his status? Are we going to take down — excuse me — are we going to take down, are we going to take down statues to George Washington? How about [[Thomas Jefferson]]? What do you think of Thomas Jefferson? You like him. Good. Are we going to take down his statue, because he was a major slave-owner? Are we going to take down his statue? So you know what, it's fine. You are changing history, you are changing culture. You had people — and '''I'm not talking about the neo-Nazis and the white nationalists, because they should be condemned totally''' — but you had '''many people in that group other than neo-Nazis and [[White nationalism|white nationalists]]''', OK? And the press has treated them absolutely unfairly. Now, in the other group also, you had some fine people but you also had troublemakers and you see them come with '''the black outfits and with the helmets and with the baseball bats'''. You had a lot of bad people in the other group too. * The statement I made on Saturday, the first statement, was a fine statement. ** [https://www.reuters.com/article/us-virginia-protests-idUSKCN1AV0WT Trump, again, casts blame on both sides for deadly violence in Virginia] at a press briefing in Trump Tower, New York (15 August 2017) Transcripts: [https://www.cnbc.com/2017/08/15/read-the-transcript-of-donald-trumps-jaw-dropping-press-conference.html] [https://www.vox.com/2017/8/15/16154028/trump-press-conference-transcript-charlottesville] ====September 2017==== * The [[w:Venezuelan crisis|problem in Venezuela]] is not that [[socialism]] has been poorly implemented. It's that socialism has been faithfully implemented. ** In his [[wikisource:Remarks by President Trump to the 72nd Session of the United Nations General Assembly|first address to the United Nations]]. (19 September 2017) * The only thing you could do better is if you see it, even if it's one player, leave the stadium, I guarantee things will stop. Things will stop. Just pick up and leave. Pick up and leave. Not the same game anymore anyway. Wouldn't you love to see one of these [[National Football League|NFL]] owners, when somebody disrespects our flag, you'd say, 'Get that son of a bitch off the field right now. Out! He's fired. He's fired! ** Referring at a rally in Huntsville, AL to [[wikipedia:U.S. national anthem protests (2016–present)|protests by NFL players]] against the U.S. flag. ** {{citation |date=2017-09-22 |title=Donald Trump Called for NFL Players to Be Fired for National Anthem Kneeling — And They Responded |author=Aric Jenkins |periodical=Fortune |url=http://fortune.com/2017/09/23/donald-trump-nfl-players-anthem-response/}} * All appropriate departments of our government from Homeland Security to Defense are engaged fully in the disaster and the response and recovery effort probably has never been seen for something like this. This is [[Puerto Rico|an island]] surrounded by water, big water, ocean water. ** Regarding {{w|Hurricane Maria}} ** {{citation |date=2017-09-29 |title=Donald Trump says Puerto Rico is 'an island surrounded by big water' |author=Emily Shugerman |periodical=The Independent |location=UK |url=https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/donald-trump-puerto-rico-hurricane-maria-comments-island-big-water-a7975011.html}} ====October 2017==== * You guys know what this represents? Maybe it's the calm before the storm. ''[Reporter: What's the storm?]'' Could be the calm, the calm, before the storm. ''[Reporter: What storm Mr. President?]'' We have the world's great military people in this room, I'll tell you that, and we're going to have a great evening. ''[Reporter: What storm Mr. President?]'' You'll find out. ** [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-politics/wp/2017/10/06/trump-gathers-with-military-leaders-says-maybe-its-the-calm-before-the-storm/ Speaking during a photo op at the White House] (6 October 2017) * The media is — really, the word, I think one of the greatest of all terms I've come up with is "fake". I guess other people have used it, perhaps, over the years, but I've never noticed it. ** {{citation |date=2017-10-08 |title=Donald Trump defends paper towels in Puerto Rico, says Stephen Paddock was ‘probably smart' in bizarre TV interview: Analysis |author=Daniel Dale |periodical=TheStar.com |url=https://www.thestar.com/news/world/2017/10/08/donald-trump-defends-paper-towels-in-puerto-rico-says-stephen-paddock-was-probably-smart-in-bizarre-tv-interview-analysis.html}} *Chain migration is one of the disasters. You allow one person and in that one person brings in 10 or 12 people **[https://abcnews.go.com/US/times-trump-slammed-chain-migration-apparently-helped-wifes/story?id=57132429 11 October 2017] being interviewed by [[Sean Hannity]] * And we see it in the mothers and the fathers who get up at the crack of dawn; they work two jobs and sometimes three jobs. They sacrifice every day for the furniture and — future of their children. ** [https://www.palmerreport.com/opinion/random-words-donald-trump/5573/ Remarks by President Trump at the 2017 Values Voter Summit] (13 October 2017) * Just out report: "United Kingdom crime rises 13% annually amid spread of Radical Islamic terror." Not good, we must keep America safe! ** [https://www.snopes.com/trump-uk-terrorism/ Tweet by @realDonaldTrump] (20 October 2017) * We have a very good relationship. People say we have the best relationship of any President-President, because he's called President also. Now some people might call him the King of China, but he's called President. ** [https://www.realclearpolitics.com/video/2017/10/25/full_lou_dobbs_interview_trump_asks_what_could_be_more_fake_than_cbs_nbc_abc_and_cnn.html Interviewed by Lou Dobbs on Fox Business on the subject of Xi Jinping] (25 October 2017) ====November 2017==== * Why would Kim Jong-un insult me by calling me "old," when I would NEVER call him "short and fat?" Oh well, I try so hard to be his friend - and maybe someday that will happen! ** {{citation |date=2017-11-08 |title=Donald Trump calls Kim Jong-un ‘short and fat’ and says he’s ‘trying hard to be his friend’ |author=Corey Charlton |periodical=The Sun |url=https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/4895959/donald-trump-calls-kim-jong-un-short-and-fat-and-says-hes-trying-hard-to-be-his-friend/}} *India has a true friend in the [[White House]]. ** Donald Trump, November 28, 2017 [http://indianexpress.com/article/india/india-has-true-friend-at-white-house-says-ivanka-trump-at-global-entrepreneurship-summit-full-text-ivanka-trump/ Indian Express India has true friends in White House, says Ivanka Trump at Global Entrepreneurship Summit] ====December 2017==== *He killed many people, ran them over. Chain migration. According to chain migration, he may have as many as 22 to 24 people that came in with him. His grandfather, his grandmother, his mother, his father, his brother, his sisters. We have to end chain migration. We have to end chain migration. **[https://www.breitbart.com/politics/2017/12/08/trump-time-congress-adopt-pro-american-immigration-agenda/ 8 December 2017] ===2018=== ====January 2018==== * The United States has foolishly given [[Pakistan]] more than 33 billion dollars in [[Foreign aid|aid]] over the last 15 years, they have given us nothing but lies and deceit, thinking of our leaders as fools. They give safe haven to the [[Islamic terrorism|terrorists]] we hunt in [[Afghanistan]], with little help. No more! ** CNN: Trump's first 2018 tweet: Pakistan has 'given us nothing but lies & deceit' [https://edition.cnn.com/2018/01/01/politics/donald-trump-2018-pakistan/index.html], The Independent [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/donald-trump-pakistan-tweet-lies-deceit-aid-us-president-terrorism-aid-a8136516.html] * The libel laws are very weak in this country. If they were strong, it would be very helpful. You wouldn't have things like that happen where you can say whatever comes to your head. ** Response to a question regarding Michael Wolff's ''Fire and Fury'', [https://factba.se/transcript/donald-trump-remarks-questions-camp-david-gop-retreat-january-6-2018 Camp David speech] (6 January 2018) *I went from VERY successful businessman, to top T.V. Star … to President of the United States (on my first try). I think that would qualify as not smart, but genius … and a very stable genius at that! **From Twitter, quoted in [https://www.cnn.com/2018/01/06/politics/donald-trump-white-house-fitness-very-stable-genius/index.html Trump: I’m a ‘very stable genius’] ''CNN'' (6 January 2018) *I get exercise. I mean I walk, I this, I that. I run over to a building next door. I get more exercise than people think.<br>A lot of people go to the gym and they’ll work out for two hours and all. I’ve seen people ... then they get their new knees when they’re 55 years old and they get their new hips and they do all those things. I don’t have those problems.<br>I guess they all realized they’re going to have to leave it to a president that scored the highest on tests. What can I tell you?<br>I was on a treadmill for the first time actually in quite a while, and it was at a very steep angle, and I was there for a very long time.<br>They were surprised. And they said, ‘Well you can stop now, that’s amazing.’ And I said, ‘I can go much longer than this if you want me to.<br>I’ve always been more of a believer in diet ‘cause I’m strong, you know? I hit the ball far. I mean, I’m strong, physically.<br>The people that do the food at the White House are extraordinary, but I think they can maybe make the portions a little bit smaller and maybe we’ll cut out some of the more fattening ingredients, and I’m okay with that. **17 January 2018 [https://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-trump-fitness/exclusive-exercise-i-get-more-than-people-think-trump-says-idUSKBN1F633B interview with Reuters] *Right now, in a number of states, the laws allow a baby to be born from his or her mother's womb in the ninth month. It is wrong, it has to change. **As quoted in [http://mashable.com/2018/01/19/trump-march-for-life-childbirth/#NXYV1ubFzSqW "Trump just basically said he's anti-childbirth"] (19 January 2018), by Rachel Kraus, ''Mashable'' * If you're telling me they're horrible people, horrible racist people, I [[w:Non-apology apology|would certainly apologize]], if you'd like me to do that. ** [http://www.itv.com/goodmorningbritain/news/piers-morgan-donald-trump-says-sorry-to-britain Interviewed on Good Morning Britain] about his [[w:Donald_Trump_on_social_media#Britain_First_videos|retweeting of inflammatory and unverified anti-Muslim videos from Britain First]] the previous November (26 January 2018) * ''[Interviewer: Do you believe in climate change? Do you think it exists?]'' Er, there is a cooling and there is a heating, and I mean, look, [[w:Climate_change#Terminology|it used to not be climate change, it used to be global warming]]. ''[Interviewer: Right.]'' Right? That wasn't working too well, because it was getting too cold all over the place. The ice caps were going to melt, they were going to be gone by now, but now they're setting records, OK, [[w:Retreat_of_glaciers_since_1850|they're at a record level]]. ** [https://www.itv.com/news/2018-01-29/what-we-learned-from-donald-trumps-interview-with-itv/ Interviewed on British TV] (28 January 2018) *in recent weeks, two terrorist attacks in New York were made possible by the visa lottery and chain migration **[https://www.breitbart.com/live/state-union-fact-check-analysis-livewire/fact-check-yes-nyc-terrorists-entered-u-s-chain-migration-visa-lottery/ 30 January 2018] *we celebrate National African American History Month to honor the significant contributions African Americans have made to our great Nation **[https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/president-donald-j-trump-proclaims-february-2018-national-african-american-history-month/ 31 January 2018] ***reposted on Twitter [https://twitter.com/statedept/status/959192815313080323 1 Feb 2018 by @StateDept] and [https://twitter.com/whitehouse/status/959481056373149696 2 Feb 2018 by @WhiteHouse] ====February 2018==== [[File:State_of_the_Union_(39974380282).jpg|thumb|Can we call that treason, why not?]] * You've got half the room going totally crazy, wild, they loved everything, they wanna do something great for our country, and you have the other side, even on positive news, really positive news, like that, they were like death, and [[w:Un-American|un-American]], un-American. Somebody said treasonous, I mean, yeah I guess, why not? Can we call that [[w:Treason_laws_in_the_United_States|treason]], why not? ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zjwPiE1wCU0 Speaking in Cincinnati about Democrats did not clap] during his [[w:State of the Union|State of the Union Address]] (5 February 2018) *My administration has identified three major priorities for creating a safe, modern, and lawful immigration system: fully securing the border, ending chain migration, and canceling the visa lottery. Chain migration is a disaster, and very unfair to our country. The visa lottery is something that should have never been allowed in the first place. People enter a lottery to come into our country. What kind of a system is that? It is time for Congress to act and to protect Americans. **[https://abcnews.go.com/US/times-trump-slammed-chain-migration-apparently-helped-wifes/story?id=57132429 10 February 2018] * I never said "give teachers guns" like was stated on Fake News @CNN & @NBC. What I said was to look at the possibility of giving "concealed guns to gun adept teachers with military or special training experience - only the best. 20% of teachers, a lot, would now be able to... * ... immediately fire back if a savage sicko came to a school with bad intentions. Highly trained teachers would also serve as a deterrent to the cowards that do this. Far more assets at much less cost than guards. A "gun free" school is a magnet for bad people. ATTACKS WOULD END! ** Tweets (February 22, 2018), as cited in [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/politics-news/trump-defends-arming-teachers-protect-students-sicko-shooter-n850216 "Trump defends arming teachers, applauds NRA"] ''NBC News'' (February 22, 2018) * Because in America people don't worship government. They worship God. ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QsUZCo7hasI CPAC conference] (23 February 2018) * Or, Mike, take the firearms first and then go to court, because that’s another system. Because a lot of times, by the time you go to court, it takes so long to go to court, to get the due process procedures. '''I like taking the guns early.''' Like in this crazy man’s case that just took place in [[Florida]], he had a lot of firearms – they saw everything – to go to court would have taken a long time, so you could do exactly what you’re saying, '''but take the guns first, go through due process second.''' ** meeting on gun violence Feb. 28, 2018[https://eu.usatoday.com/story/news/factcheck/2021/10/14/fact-check-trump-made-comment-taking-guns-without-due-process/6070319001/][https://www.c-span.org/video/?c4907473/user-clip-trump-pence-feb-28-2018][https://www.factcheck.org/2020/09/trump-said-i-like-taking-the-guns-early-not-harris/] ====March 2018==== * Don't forget China's great, and [[Xi Jinping|Xi]] is a great gentleman. He's now president for life. President for life. And he's great. And look, he was able to do that. I think it’s great. Maybe we'll have to give that a shot someday. ** Fundraiser, Mar-a-Lago, quoted in {{citation|date=2018-03-03|author=Kevin Liptak|title=Trump on China's Xi consolidating power: 'Maybe we'll give that a shot some day'|periodical=CNN|url=https://www.cnn.com/2018/03/03/politics/trump-maralago-remarks/index.html}} ====April 2018==== * I want to thank the White House Historical Association and all of the people that work so hard with [[Melania Trump|Melania]], with everybody, to keep this incredible house or building, or whatever you want to call it — because there really is no name for it; it is special — and we keep it in tip-top shape. We call it sometimes tippy-top shape. And it's a great, great place. ** Referring to the [[White House]], during a speech given for Easter (April 2, 2018) *And chain migration -- think of that. So you come in, and now you can bring your family, and then you can bring your mother and your father. You can bring your grandmother. You can bring your this; you can bring -- we had somebody on the West Side Highway, which I know very well -- in Manhattan -- he ran over -- I think he killed about eight people **[https://abcnews.go.com/US/times-trump-slammed-chain-migration-apparently-helped-wifes/story?id=57132429 5 April 2018] ====May 2018==== [[File:Protests after US decision to withdraw from JCPOA, around former US embassy, Tehran - 8 May 2018 25.jpg|thumb|We will not allow [[:w:Government of Islamic Republic of Iran|a regime]] that chants "[[Death to America]]" to gain access to [[:w:Nuclear program of Iran|the most deadly weapons on Earth]].]] * America will not be held hostage to nuclear blackmail. We will not allow American cities to be threatened with destruction. And '''we will not allow a regime that chants "[[Death to America]]" to gain access to the most deadly weapons on Earth.''' ** statement on the [[:w:Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action|Iran nuclear deal]] on May 8, 2018 [https://www.vox.com/world/2018/5/8/17332494/read-trump-iran-nuclear-deal-speech-full-text-announcement-transcript vox.com] ====June 2018==== *So funny to watch the Fake News, especially NBC and CNN. They are fighting hard to downplay the deal with North Korea. 500 days ago they would have “begged” for this deal-looked like war would break out. Our Country’s biggest enemy is the Fake News so easily promulgated by fools! **[https://x.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1006891643985854464 Post] (6:30 AM · Jun 13, 2018) by President Trump originally on [[Twitter]] now available on X *In the meantime, people are suffering because of the Democrats. So we've created, and they've created, and they've let it happen — a massive child-smuggling industry. That's exactly what it's become. Traffickers — if you think about this — human traffickers are making a fortune. It's a disgrace. These loopholes force the release of alien families and minors into the country when they illegally cross the border. **[https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-cabinet-meeting-9/ Remarks by President Trump at Cabinet Meeting Issued on: June 21, 2018] ====July 2018==== * but we have to do it gently because we're in the #MeToo generation, so we have to be very gentle.<br>we will very gently take that kit, and we will slowly toss it, hoping it doesn't hit her and injure her arm. **[https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/trump-mocks-metoo-movement-in-montana-rally/2018/07/05/fad40ce2-80b3-11e8-b660-4d0f9f0351f1_story.html?noredirect=on 5 July 2018 per Washington Post] *That’s other people that do that. I don’t. I’m very consistent. I’m a very stable genius. **When asked by a reporter whether he would be contradicting his statements, quoted in [https://www.timesofisrael.com/trump-once-again-proclaims-himself-a-very-stable-genius/ Trump once again proclaims himself a ‘very stable genius’] ''The Times of Israel'' (12 July 2018) * Allowing the immigration to take place in [[Europe]] is a shame. I think it changed the fabric of Europe and, unless you act very quickly, it's never going to be what it was and I don't mean that in a positive way. So I think allowing millions and millions of people to come into Europe is very, very sad. I think you are losing your culture. ** [https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/6766531/trump-may-brexit-us-deal-off/ Interview with ''The Sun''] (13 July 2018) * The border with the [[Sahara]] can't be bigger than ours with [[Mexico]]. ** In a phone call to [[Spain]]'s foreign minister, [[Josep Borrell]], in the context of Trump's idea for Spain to build a border wall across Sahara dessert to stem Spain's Mediterranean migrant crisis.[https://eu.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/onpolitics/2018/09/20/trump-spain-wall-sahara-desert/1365944002/ Foreign minister: Trump advised Spain to build wall across Sahara to stop migrants] * To [[Hassan Rouhani|Iranian President Rouhani]]: NEVER, EVER THREATEN THE UNITED STATES AGAIN OR YOU WILL SUFFER CONSEQUENCES THE LIKES OF WHICH FEW THROUGHOUT HISTORY HAVE EVER SUFFERED BEFORE. WE ARE NO LONGER A COUNTRY THAT WILL STAND FOR YOUR DEMENTED WORDS OF VIOLENCE & DEATH. BE CAUTIOUS! ** [https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2019/01/covfefe-trump-typo-turned-meme/579763/ The Atlantic: "Six Hours and Three Minutes of Internet Chaos"] * What you're seeing and what you're reading is not what's happening ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2018-07-24 |title= 'What You're Seeing... Is Not What's Happening.' People Are Comparing This Trump Quote to George Orwell |author=Mahita Gajanan |periodical=Time |url=https://time.com/5347737/trump-quote-george-orwell-vfw-speech/}} * We're ordering 147 new F-35 Lightning fighters. This is an incredible [[Airplane|plane]]. It's stealth; you can't see it. So when I talk to even people from the other side, they're trying to order our plane. They like the fact that you can't see it. I said, 'How would it do in battle with your plane?' They say, 'Well, we have one problem: We can't see your plane.' ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2018-07-24 |title= Trump Keeps Saying the F-35 Is Invisible |author=Kyle Mizokami |periodical=Popular Mechanics |url=https://www.popularmechanics.com/military/aviation/amp33658771/trump-keeps-saying-the-f-35-is-invisible/}} ====August 2018==== * You know, if you go out and you want to buy groceries, you need a picture on a card, you need ID. You go out and you want to buy anything, you need ID and you need your picture. The only time you don’t need it in many cases is when you want to vote for a president, when you want to vote for a senator, when you want to vote for a governor or a congressman. It’s crazy. ** [https://edition.cnn.com/2018/08/01/politics/trump-grocery-shopping-id/index.html "Trump claims you need ID to buy groceries. You do not."], ''CNN'' (August 21, 2018) *We have the worst laws! How about chain migration? One person comes in and you end up with 32 people. The person that ran down 18 people on the West Side Highway, he's allowed to have -- and I think eight died. He has 22 members of his family in the United States because of chain migration. So we have to change this stuff, Rush, **1 August 2018 interview with [[Rush Limbaugh]] *How about chain migration? How about that? Somebody comes in, he brings his mother, and his father, and his aunt and uncle, 15 times removed. He brings them all **[https://abcnews.go.com/US/times-trump-slammed-chain-migration-apparently-helped-wifes/story?id=57132429 August 8 campaign rally in Ohio] ====September 2018==== * They haven't seen anything like what's coming at us in 25, 30 years. Maybe ever. It's tremendously big and tremendously wet. Tremendous amounts of water. ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MqHwQhZC8jQ Trump Says Hurricane Florence Is 'Tremendously Big And Tremendously Wet'] * I just wanna thank all of the incredible men and women who have done such a great job in helping with [[w:Hurricane Florence|Florence]]. This is a tough hurricane. One of the wettest we've ever seen from a standpoint of water. ** [https://youtube.com/watch?v=RiDpRVqqXfk&t=30 Trump Describes Hurricane Florence "Wettest We've Seen From Standpoint Of Water"] * And you know the interesting? When I did it, and I was really being tough, and so was he, and we were going back and forth, and then we fell in love. OK? No, really. He wrote me beautiful letters. And they're great letters. We fell in love. ** {{citation |date=2018-09-30 |title=Trump says he and Kim Jong-un ‘fell in love’ after sending each other ‘beautiful letters’ |periodical=The Independent |location=UK |url=https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/trump-kim-jong-un-love-letters-relationship-denuclearisation-nuclear-weapons-a8561701.html}} *Reliance on a single foreign supplier can leave nations vulnerable to extortion and intimidation and that is why we congratulate European states such as [[Poland]] for leading construction of a [[w:Baltic Pipe|Baltic pipeline]] so that nations are not dependent on Russia to meet their energy needs. Germany will become totally dependent on Russian energy if it does not immediately change course. ** Address to the UN General Assembly, quoted in {{citation |date=2018-09-25 |title=At U.N., Trump hails Poland, slams Germany over Russian energy reliance |author= Reuters Staff |periodical=Reuters |url=https://www.reuters.com/article/us-un-assembly-usa-germany-idUSKCN1M527Y}} * Today I stand before the [[w:United Nations General Assembly|United Nations General Assembly]] to share the extraordinary progress we've made. In less than two years, my administration has accomplished more than almost any administration in the history of our country. America's— so true. ''[assembly laughs]'' I didn't expect that reaction, but that's OK. ** Address to UN General Assembly, quoted in {{citation |date=2018-09-26 |title=Trump's U.N. speech pitting globalism against patriotism proves the president has no idea what patriotism means |author=Daniel Shapiro |periodical=NBC News |url=https://www.nbcnews.com/think/opinion/trump-s-u-n-speech-pitting-globalism-against-patriotism-proves-ncna913141}} * America is governed by Americans. We reject the ideology of [[globalism]] and we embrace the doctrine of [[patriotism]]. ** Address to UN General Assembly, quoted in {{citation |date=2018-09-25 |title=Trump’s Speech at the U.N. Triggers Laughter—and Disbelief |author=Robin Wright |periodical=The New Yorker |url=https://www.newyorker.com/news/news-desk/trumps-speech-at-the-un-triggers-laughterand-disbelief}} ====October 2018==== * I know you're not thinking. You never do. ** Donald Trump to a reporter who was going to ask a question. {{citation |date=2018-10-02 |title=President Donald Trump To Reporter: ‘I Know You’re Not Thinking. You Never Do’ |url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ASOTct1woo8}} *Only do it if I can test her personally. That will not be something I enjoy doing either. ** regarding acknowledging [[Elizabeth Warren]] as Native American ** {{citation |date=2018-10-15 |title=Trump promised $1 million to charity if Warren proved her Native American DNA. Now he’s waffling. |author=Amy B Wang and Deanna Paul |periodical=Washington Post |url=https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2018/10/15/trump-dared-elizabeth-warren-take-dna-test-prove-her-native-american-ancestry-now-what/}} * I have a natural instinct for science ** Quoted in {{citation |date=2018-10-15 |title=Trump: My ‘Natural Instinct for Science’ Tells Me Climate Science Is Wrong |author=Jonathan Chait |author-link=w:Jonathan Chait |periodical=New York Intelligencer |url=https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2018/10/trump-i-have-a-natural-instinct-for-science.html}} *You know they have a word, it sort of became old-fashioned, it's called a nationalist,<br>And I say 'really, we're not supposed to use that word?' Do you know what I am? I'm a nationalist. **22 October 2018, quoted in {{citation |date=2018-10-23 |title=Trump declares himself a 'nationalist' while stumping for Ted Cruz |author=John Walsh |periodical=Business Insider |url=https://www.businessinsider.in/trump-declares-himself-a-nationalist-while-stumping-for-ted-cruz/articleshow/66327534.cms}} *Now how ridiculous: we're the only country in the world where a person comes in, has a baby, and the baby is essentially a citizen of the United States for 85 years with all of those benefits **{{citation |date=2018-10-30 |title=Trump wants to end birthright citizenship in the U.S. |author=Associated Press |periodical=CBC |url=https://www.cbc.ca/news/world/trump-birthright-citizenship-1.4883589}} *It was always told to me that you needed a constitutional amendment. Guess what? You don't,<br>Number one, you don't need that. Number two, you can definitely do it with an act of Congress. But now they're saying I can do it just with an executive order.<br>It's in the process,<br>It'll happen, with an executive order. **{{citation |date=2018-10-30 |title=Can Trump End Birthright Citizenship by Executive Order? |author=Robert Farley |periodical=FactCheck.org |url=https://www.factcheck.org/2018/10/can-trump-end-birthright-citizenship-by-executive-order/}} ====November 2018==== * You gotta take care of the floors. You know, the floors of the forest. It's very important. You look at other countries where they do it differently, and it's a whole different story. I was with the president of Finland, and he said, "We have a much different— we're a forest nation." He called it a forest nation. And they spend a lot of time on raking and cleaning and doing things, and they don't have any problem. ** Paradise, California, {{#formatdate:2018-11-17}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2018-11-20 |title=#RakeNews: People in Finland Mock Trump With Leaf-Raking Photos After He Said the Country 'Rakes the Forest' |author=Ashley Hoffman |periodical=Time |url=https://time.com/5458605/trump-finland-raking-reactions/}}, and with video in {{citation |date=2018-11-18 |title=Trump Says California Can Learn From Finland on Fires. Is He Right? |author=Patrick Kingsley |periodical=New York Times |url=https://www.nytimes.com/2018/11/18/world/europe/finland-california-wildfires-trump-raking.html}} ** Finnish President Sauli Niinistö said he didn't recall anything being said about raking.[https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/the_americas/finnish-president-says-he-briefed-trump-on-forest-monitoring/2018/11/18/dd46a57e-eb32-11e8-8b47-bd0975fd6199_story.html] * '''Reporter''': Have you read the climate report yet?<br />'''Trump''': I've seen it. I've read some of it and — it's fine.<br />'''Reporter''': They say the economic impact could be devastating.<br />'''Trump''': Yeah. I don't believe it.<br />'''Reporter''': You don't believe it?<br />'''Trump''': No, no. I don't believe it. And here's the other thing: You're going to have to have China and Japan and all of Asia and all of these other countries — you know, it addresses our country. Right now, we're at the cleanest we've ever been, and that's very important to me. But if we're clean but every other place on Earth is dirty, that's not so good. ** November 26, 2018, on the [[w:Fourth National Climate Assessment|Fourth National Climate Assessment]] ({{cite news |title=Trump responds to his administration's report indicating a huge cost from climate change: ‘I don't believe it' |first=Philip |last=Bump |newspaper=[[w:The Washington Post|The Washington Post]] |date=November 26, 2018 |accessdate=December 1, 2018 |url=https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2018/11/26/trump-responds-report-indicating-huge-cost-climate-change-i-dont-believe-it/}}; {{cite news |agency=[[w:BBC News|BBC News]] |title='I don't believe it' - Trump on climate report |date=November 26, 2018 |accessdate=December 1, 2018 |url=https://www.bbc.com/news/av/world-us-canada-46324405/i-don-t-believe-it-trump-on-climate-report}}; {{cite news |newspaper=[[w:The Guardian|The Guardian]] |agency=[[w:Associated Press|Associated Press]] |title=‘Yeah, I don't believe it': Trump on his administration's own climate report |url=https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/video/2018/nov/26/yeah-i-dont-believe-it-trump-on-administrations-own-climate-report-video}}). * One of the problems that a lot of people like myself we have very high levels of intelligence, but we're not necessarily such believers. You look at our air and our water, and it's now at a record clean. But when you look at China and you look at parts of Asia and when you look at South America, and when you look at many other places in this world, including Russia, including just many other places, the air is incredibly dirty and when you're talking about an atmosphere, oceans are very small and it blows over and it sails over. I mean, we take thousands of tons of garbage off our beaches all the time that comes over from Asia. It just flows right down the Pacific, if flows, and we say where does this come from. And it takes many people to start off with. **28th November, ''Washington Post'' interview, Donald Trump on whether he believes in global warming reports of the 13 of agencies of his administration. [https://splinternews.com/man-with-very-high-level-of-intelligence-says-oceans-ar-1830699334] ====December 2018==== *I want to thank Vice President Mike Pence,<br>A tremendous supporter, a tremendous supporter of yours. And Karen. And they go there and they love your country. They love your country. And they love this country. That's a good combination, right? **[https://forward.com/opinion/415676/trump-just-accused-jews-of-loving-israel-not-america-and-his-fans-cheered/ 7 December 2018] *I am proud to shut down the government for border security, Chuck. People in this country don't want criminals and people that have lots of problems and drugs pouring into our country. I will take the mantle. I will be the one to shut it down. I won't blame you for it. The last time, you shut it down. It didn't work. I will take the mantle of shutting it down. **Oval Office meeting with {{W|Nancy Pelosi}} and {{W|Chuck Schumer}}, leading to the {{w|2018–19 United States federal government shutdown}}. "[https://www.upi.com/Top_News/US/2018/12/11/Trump-proud-to-shut-down-government-in-wall-talks-with-Democrats/6271544554657/ Trump 'proud' to shut down government in wall talks with Democrats]", {{W|United Press International}} (December 12, 2018) *Are you still a believer in Santa? Because at 7, it's marginal, right? **To a 7-year-old child, [https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2018/dec/25/christmas-cheer-trump-tells-boy-that-believing-in-santa-at-seven-is-marginal 24 December 2018] *Well, I don't see it. I spoke with Bibi, I told Bibi.<br>And, you know, we give Israel $4.5 billion a year.<br>And they're doing very well defending themselves, if you take a look.<br>So that's the way it is.<br>The United States cannot continue to be the policeman of the world,<br>We don't want to do that. **[https://www.timesofisrael.com/trump-we-give-israel-billions-it-can-defend-itself-in-syria/ 27 December 2018] re [[Benjamin Netanyahu]] ===2019=== ====January 2019==== *we're getting out and we're getting out smart and we're winning, we're winning. OK. But just to answer your question, '''Over a period of time'''. I never said I'm getting out tomorrow I said I'm pulling our soldiers out and they will be pulled back in Syria, that we're getting out of Syria. Yeah absolutely. But we're getting out very powerfully. **[http://www.aparchive.com/metadata/youtube/a1e8659d9ffa2e6b1572a49d86627be5 2 January 2019] *Iran is no longer the same country<br>Iran is pulling people out of Syria.<br>'''They can do what they want there, frankly''', but they're pulling people out.<br>They're pulling people out of Yemen.<br>Iran wants to survive now. **{{citation |date=2019-01-02 |title=Trump: Iran ‘can do what they want’ in Syria |author=Eric Cortellessa |periodical=Times of Israel |url=https://www.timesofisrael.com/trump-iran-can-do-what-they-want-in-syria/}} * I know more about drones than anybody. I know about every form of safety that you can have. (January 2019) * I think nobody knows more about campaign finance than I do, because I'm the biggest contributor. (1999) * I know more about people who get [TV] ratings than anyone. (October 2012) * I know more about ISIS than the generals do. (November 2015) * I understand social media. I understand the power of Twitter. I understand the power of Facebook maybe better than almost anybody, based on my results, right? (November 2015) * I know more about courts than any human being on Earth. (November 2015) * [W]ho knows more about lawsuits than I do? I'm the king. (January 2016) * I understand politicians better than anybody. * [N]obody knows the [visa] system better than me. I know the H1B. I know the H2B. ... Nobody else on this dais knows how to change it like I do, believe me. (March 2016) * Nobody knows more about trade than me. (March 2016) * [N]obody knows the [U.S. government] system better than I do. (April 2016) * I know more about renewables than any human being on Earth. (April 2016) * I think nobody knows more about taxes than I do, maybe in the history of the world. (May 2016) * I’m the king of debt. I’m great with debt. Nobody knows debt better than me. (June 2016) * I understand money better than anybody. (June 2016) * [L]ook, as a builder, nobody in the history of this country has ever known so much about infrastructure as Donald Trump. (July 2016) * I know more about [senator] Cory [Booker] than he knows about himself. (July 2016) * I think I know more about the other side [Democrats] than almost anybody. (November 2016) * [N]obody knows more about construction than I do. (May 2018) * I think I know about [the economy] better than [the Federal Reserve]. (October 2018) * Technology — nobody knows more about technology than me. (December 2018) * I know more about drones than anybody. I know about every form of safety that you can have." (January 2019) * Having a drone fly overhead — and I think nobody knows much more about technology, this type of technology certainly, than I do. (January 2019) ** [https://www.axios.com/2019/01/05/everything-trump-says-he-knows-more-about-than-anybody "Everything Trump says he knows "more about than anybody""], ''Axios'' (January 5, 2019) *We are born free, and we will stay free. Tonight, we renew our resolve that America will never be a socialist country. **{{citation |date=2019-01-05 |title=Trump to Ocasio-Cortez: 'America will never be a socialist country' |author=Joel Gehrke |periodical=Washington Examiner |url=https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/policy/defense-national-security/trump-to-ocasio-cortez-america-will-never-be-a-socialist-country}} * <p>''Q:'' Does the buck stop with you over this shutdown?</p><p>''Donald Trump:'' '''The buck stops with everybody.'''</p> **White House press conference, {{#formatdate:2019-01-10}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2019-01-10 |title=Rejecting responsibility, Trump declares, ‘The buck stops with everybody’ |author=Steve Benen |periodical=MSNBC |url=http://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/rejecting-responsibility-trump-declares-the-buck-stops-everybody}}, and with video in {{citation |date=2019-01-10 |title=Trump: 'Buck stops with everybody' for shutdown he was proud to own |author=Oliver Willis |periodical=American Independent |url=https://americanindependent.com/trump-buck-stops-with-everybody-shutdown-proud/}} *We have pizzas, we have three-hundred hamburgers, many, many French fries, all of our favourite foods.<br>I want to see what's here when we leave, because I don't think it's going to be much.<br>If it's American, I like it. It's all American stuff. **14 January 2019 quote mentioned in [https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-46873386 article] by BBC *Do we give you some little quick salads that the first lady will make, along with the second lady — they’ll make some salads.<br>I said you guys aren’t into salads.<br>Or do I go out and send out for about one-thousand hamburgers?<br>Big Macs.<br>So we actually did.<br>We bought one-thousand Burger King.<br>All American companies.<br>Burger King, Wendy’s and McDonald’s. **14 January 2019 quote mentioned in [https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-news/trump-fast-food-white-house-779128/ article] by Rolling Stone {{anchor|hamberders}} *Great being with the National Champion Clemson Tigers lat night at the White House.<br>Because of the Shutdown I served them massive amounts of Fast Food (I paid),<br>over 1000 hamberders etc.<br>Within one hour, it was all gone.<br>Great guys and big eaters! **15 January 2019 [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1085159285208858624 tweet] *National African American History Month<br>is an occasion to rediscover the enduring stories of African Americans and the<br>gifts of freedom, purpose, and opportunity they have bestowed on future<br>generations. **[https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/presidential-proclamation-national-african-american-history-month-2019/ early 31 January 2019 proclamation on WhiteHouse.gov] regarding [[Wikipedia:Black History Month|black history month]] ***[https://twitter.com/realdonaldtrump/status/1091427927475085312 reposted 1 February 2019 on Twitter] ====February 2019==== *They're starting to, as we gain the remainder, the final remainder of the caliphate of the area, they'll be going to our base in Iraq, and ultimately some will be coming home. But we're going to be there and we're going to be staying--<br>We have to protect Israel. We have to protect other things that we have. But we're- yeah, they'll be coming back in a matter of time. Look, we're protecting the world. We're spending more money than anybody's ever spent in history, by a lot. We spent, over the last five years, close to 50 billion dollars a year in [[Afghanistan]]. That's more than most countries spend for everything including education, medical, and everything else, other than a few countries.<br> **[https://www.cbsnews.com/news/donald-trump-interview-face-the-nation-margaret-brennan-today-2019-02-01/ 1 February 2019] broadcast [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/transcript-president-trump-on-face-the-nation-february-3-2019/ 3 February 2019] * We stand with the [[Venezuela|Venezuelan]] people in their noble quest for freedom—and we condemn the brutality of the [[Maduro]] regime, whose socialist policies have turned that nation from being the wealthiest in [[South America]] into a state of abject [[poverty]] and [[despair]] ** "[https://fair.org/home/the-media-myth-of-once-prosperous-and-democratic-venezuela-before-chavez/ The Media Myth of ‘Once Prosperous’ and Democratic Venezuela Before Chávez]" (February 6, 2019) *Since the founding of our nation, many of our greatest strides — from gaining our independence to abolition of civil rights to extending the vote for women — have been led by people of faith **[https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/trump-civil-rights-abolition-prayer-breakfast_us_5c5e14ace4b0eec79b236874 08 February 2019] * In fact, I think I can say this, [[Shinzō Abe|Prime Minister Abe]] of [[Japan]] gave me the most beautiful copy of a letter that he sent to the people who give out a thing called the [[w:Nobel Prize|Nobel Prize]]. He said: '''"I have nominated you, respectfully, on behalf of Japan. I am asking them to give you the Nobel Peace Prize."''' I said, 'Thank you.'<br>We do a lot of good work. This administration does a tremendous job and we don't get credit for it. '''So Prime Minister Abe gave me — I mean it's the most beautiful five-page letter, Nobel Prize, he sent it to them.''' You know why? Because he had rocket ships and he had missiles flying over Japan, and they had alarms going off — you know that. Now all of the sudden they feel good, they feel safe. I did that. ** 15 February 2019 ({{cite news |title=You won't believe what Trump just said: 6 eye-popping moments |first=Dareh |last=Gregorian |agency=[[w:NBC News|NBC News]] |url=https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/you-won-t-believe-what-trump-just-said-6-eye-n972166}}) ====Spring 2019==== *there will be some people in the room that don't like this. We're down to 3.7 percent [[Unemployment in the United States|unemployment]] — the lowest number in a long time. But think of this: I got all these companies moving in. They need workers. We have to bring people into our country to work these great plants that are opening up all over the place. This was not necessarily what I was saying during the campaign because I never knew we would be as successful as we've been. Companies are roaring back into our country, and now we want people to come in. We need workers to come in, but they've got to come in legally, and they've got to come in through merit, merit, merit. **[https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-2019-conservative-political-action-conference/ 3 March 2019] *Hello, everybody. The economic numbers just came out; they're very, very good. Our country is doing unbelievably well, economically. Most of you don't report that, because it doesn't sound good from your perspective. But the country is doing really, really well. We have a lot of very exciting things going on. A lot of companies will be announcing shortly they're moving back into the United States. They're all coming back. They want to be where the action is. **[https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/DCPD-201900207/html/DCPD-201900207.htm 5 April 2019] * If you have a windmill anywhere near your house, congratulations, your house just went down 75 percent in value. <b>And they say the noise causes [[cancer]]. </b> You told me that one, OK. ''[makes circles with his hands and a noise with his mouth]'' You know the thing makes so... and of course it's like a graveyard for birds. ** Speech to Republican National Congressional Committee, {{#formatdate:2019-04-02}}, quoted in {{cite news|date= {{#formatdate:2019-04-03}}|title=Trump's war on windmills now includes wild cancer claim|author=Zachary B. Wolf|work=CNN|url=https://www.cnn.com/2019/04/03/politics/trumps-war-on-windmills-now-includes-wild-cancer-claim/index.html}} and in {{cite web|date=2019-04-08|accessdate=2019-08-18|website={{w|Politifact}}|title=Donald Trump's ridiculous link between cancer, wind turbines|author=Jon Greenberg|url=https://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2019/apr/08/donald-trump/republicans-dismiss-trumps-windmill-and-cancer-cla/}} * They have to get the shots. The [[vaccinations]] are so important. This is really going around now. They have to get their shots. ** Reported in Maegan Vazquez, "[https://www.cnn.com/2019/04/26/politics/donald-trump-measles-vaccines Trump now says parents must vaccinate children in face of measles outbreak]", CNN (April 26, 2019). *The Jews always flip. **attested to by Michael Wolff [https://forward.com/fast-forward/425037/trump-jews-always-flip-michael-wolff-michael-cohen-david-pecker/ 28 May 2019] ====June 2019==== *There is no basis whatsoever for [[Impeachment of Donald Trump|impeachment]]. None. There was no collusion. There was no obstruction. There was no crime. The crime was by the Democrats. The crime was by the Democrats. There is no legal basis for impeachment. It's a big witch hunt. Everybody knows it, including the Democrats. **[https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/DCPD-201900366/html/DCPD-201900366.htm 2 June 2019] * This week, we commemorate a mighty endeavor of righteous nations and one of the greatest undertakings in all of history. Seventy-five years ago, more than 150,000 Allied troops were preparing on this island to parachute into France, storm the beaches of Normandy, and win back our civilization. As Her Majesty remembers, the [[British people]] had hoped and prayed and fought for this day for nearly 5 years. When [[Great Britain|Britain]] stood alone during [[w:The Blitz|the Blitz]] of 1940 and 1941, the Nazi war machine dropped thousands of bombs on this country and right on this magnificent city. Buckingham Palace alone was bombed on 16 separate occasions. In that dark hour, the people of this nation showed the world what it means to be British. They cleared wreckage from the streets, displayed the Union Jack from their shattered homes, and kept fighting on to victory. They only wanted victory. The courage of the United Kingdom's sons and daughters ensured that your destiny would always remain in your own hands. Through it all, the royal family was the resolute face of the Commonwealth's unwavering solidarity. **[https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/DCPD-201900368/html/DCPD-201900368.htm 3 June 2019] * This evening we thank God for the brave sons of the United Kingdom and the United States who defeated the Nazis and the Nazi regime and liberated millions from [[tyranny]]. The [[United Kingdom–United States relations|bond between our nations]] was forever sealed in that "Great Crusade." As we honor our shared victory and heritage, we affirm the common values that will unite us long into the future: [[freedom]], [[sovereignty]], self-determination, the [[rule of law]], and reverence for the rights given to us by Almighty God. From the [[World War II|Second World War]] to today, Her Majesty has stood as a constant symbol of these priceless traditions. She has embodied the spirit of dignity, duty, and patriotism that beats proudly in every British heart. On behalf of all Americans, I offer a toast to the eternal friendship of our people, the vitality of our nations, and to the long, cherished, and truly remarkable reign of [[Elizabeth II|Her Majesty the Queen]]. Thank you. **[https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/DCPD-201900368/html/DCPD-201900368.htm 3 June 2019] * You’re talking about [[Vietnam War|Vietnam]] and at that time nobody had ever heard of [[Vietnam|the country]] ** Trump was describing the US knowledge about Vietnam in 1968, when about one half million US troops were stationed in Vietnam, as quoted in {{cite news|date={{#formatdate:2019-06-05}}|title=Trump says was 'never a fan' of Vietnam War, and that Americans hadn't heard of country in 1968|work=Japan Times|url=https://www.japantimes.co.jp/news/2019/06/06/world/politics-diplomacy-world/trump-says-never-fan-vietnam-war-claims-americans-hadnt-heard-country-1968/#.XraZ4hMzbOQ}} * I think a lot of progress was made yesterday, but we have to make a lot of progress. Mexico has been making, for many, many years, hundreds of billions of dollars. And then, they've been making an absolute fortune on the United States. They have to step up, and they have to step up to the plate, and perhaps they will. We're going to see. They can solve the problem. The Democrats—Congress has been a disaster. They won't change. They won't do anything. They want free immigration—immigration to pour into our country. They don't care who it is. They don't care what kind of a record they have. It doesn't make any difference. They're not going to be changing anything. We go to them, we say, "Let's fix the immigration laws." They just want it to do badly. The worse it does, the happier they are. So that's the way it is, and I guess that's the way it will be until after the election. It's just a disgrace. Because, frankly, we could solve this problem so easy if the Democrats in Congress were willing to make some changes, but they're not. And that's the way it is. They want to just ride it out. They want to have a real bad time. They don't care about crime. They don't care about drugs pouring into our country. They couldn't care less. It's all politics. It's a vicious business. So that's the way it is. But we're having a great talk with Mexico. We'll see what happens. But something pretty dramatic could happen. We've told Mexico the tariffs go on. And I mean it too. And I'm very happy with it. And lot of people, Senators included, they have no idea what they're talking about when it comes to tariffs. They have no—absolutely no idea. When you have the money, when you have the product, when you have the thing that everybody wants, you're in a position to do very well with tariffs, and that's where we are. We're the piggybank. The United States is the piggybank. It has all the money that others want to take from us, but they're not taking it so easy anymore. It's a lot different. Our talks with China—a lot of interesting things are happening. We'll see what happens. **[https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/DCPD-201900372/html/DCPD-201900372.htm 6 June 2019] * ''Reporter:'' Are you willing to go to war with Iran?<br />''Trump:'' You'll find out. You'll find out. ** {{cite news|date={{#formatdate:2019-06-20}}|title=Trump tells public 'you'll find out' when asked about a war with Iran|work=The Washington Post|url=https://www.washingtonpost.com/video/world/trump-tells-public-youll-find-out-when-asked-about-a-war-with-iran/2019/06/20/18f8c92d-b370-4a01-a948-4144be20f730_video.html}} * For some reason we have a certain chemistry — or whatever. Let's see what happens. We have a long way to go. But I'm in no rush... So, I just want to say that we are going to be heading out to the DMZ and '''it's something I planned long ago but had the idea yesterday''' to maybe say hello, just shake hands quickly and say hello. ** press conference, Blue House, Seoul, South Korea, quoted in {{citation |date=2019-06-30 |title=Trump: Kim and I "have a certain chemistry" |periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/politics/live-news/trump-dmz-kim-live-intl-hnk/h_8b23e071903b007d8ff1934be8457d2c}} =====Remarks on the 75th Anniversary of D-Day in Colleville-sur-Mer, France===== <small>[https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/DCPD-201900373/html/DCPD-201900373.htm Transcript] (June 6, 2016)</small> * Here with you are over 60 veterans who landed on [[w:D-Day|D-day]]. Our debt to you is everlasting. Today we express our undying gratitude. When you were young, these men enlisted their lives in a great crusade, one of the greatest of all times. Their mission is the story of an epic battle and the ferocious, eternal struggle between good and evil. On the 6th of June, 1944, they joined a liberation force of awesome power and breathtaking scale. After months of planning, the Allies had chosen this ancient coastline to mount their campaign to vanquish the wicked tyranny of the [[Nazism|Nazi]] empire from the face of the Earth. The battle began in the skies above us. In those first tense midnight hours, 1,000 aircraft roared overhead, with 17,000 Allied airborne troops preparing to leap into the darkness beyond these trees. Then came dawn. The enemy who had occupied these heights saw the largest naval armada in the history of the world. Just a few miles offshore were 7,000 vessels bearing 130,000 warriors. * They were the citizens of free and independent nations, united by their duty to their compatriots and to millions yet unborn. There were the [[British people|British]], whose nobility and fortitude saw them through the worst of [[w:Battle of Dunkirk|Dunkirk]] and the [[w:London Blitz|London Blitz]]. The full violence of Nazi fury was no match for the full grandeur of British pride. Thank you. There were the [[Canada|Canadians]], whose robust sense of honor and loyalty compelled them to take up arms alongside Britain from the very, very beginning. There were the fighting [[Poland|Poles]], the tough [[Norway|Norwegians]], and the intrepid [[Australia|Aussies]]. There were the gallant French commandos, soon to be met by thousands of their brave countrymen ready to write a new chapter in the long history of French valor. And finally, there were the Americans. They came from the farms of a vast heartland, the streets of glowing cities and the forges of mighty industrial towns. Before the war, many had never ventured beyond their own community. Now they had come to offer their lives half a world from home. * This beach, codenamed [[w:Omaha Beach|Omaha]], was defended by the Nazis with monstrous firepower, thousands and thousands of mines and spikes driven into the sand, so deeply. It was here that tens of thousands of the Americans came. The GIs who boarded the landing craft that morning knew that they carried on their shoulders not just the pack of a soldier, but the fate of the world. Colonel [[w:George A. Taylor|George Taylor]], whose [[w:16th Infantry Regiment (United States)|16th Infantry Regiment]] would join in the first wave, was asked: What would happen if the Germans stopped right then and there, cold on the beach, just stopped them? What would happen? This great American replied: "Why, the 18th Infantry is coming in right behind us. The 26th Infantry will come on too. Then, there is the [[w:2nd Infantry Division (United States)|2nd Infantry Division]] already afloat. And the 9th Division. And the 2d Armored. And the 3d Armored. And all the rest. Maybe the 16th won't make it, but someone will." * Nine thousand three hundred and eighty-eight young Americans rest beneath the white crosses and Stars of David arrayed on these beautiful grounds. Each one has been adopted by a French family that thinks of him as their own. They come from all over France to look after our boys. They kneel. They cry. They pray. They place flowers. And they never forget. Today America embraces the French people and thanks you for honoring our beloved dead. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. * To all of our friends and partners: Our cherished alliance was forged in the heat of battle, tested in the trials of war, and proven in the blessings of peace. Our bond is unbreakable. * From across the Earth, Americans are drawn to this place as though it were a part of our very soul. We come not only because of what they did here, we come because of who they were. They were young men with their entire lives before them. They were husbands who said goodbye to their young brides and took their duty as their fate. They were fathers who would never meet their infant sons and daughters because they had a job to do. And with God as their witness, they were going to get it done. They came wave after wave, without question, without hesitation, and without complaint. * More powerful than the strength of American arms was the strength of American hearts. These men ran through the fires of hell moved by a force no weapon could destroy: the fierce patriotism of a free, proud, and sovereign people. They battled not for control and domination, but for liberty, democracy, and self-rule. They pressed on for love in home and country, the main streets, the schoolyards, the churches and neighbors, the families and communities that gave us men such as these. They were sustained by the confidence that America can do anything because we are a noble nation, with a virtuous people, praying to a righteous God. The exceptional might came from a truly exceptional spirit. The abundance of courage came from an abundance of faith. The great deeds of an [[United States Army|Army]] came from the great depths of their love. As they confronted their fate, the Americans and the Allies placed themselves into the palm of God's hand. * The men behind me will tell you that they are just the lucky ones. As one of them recently put it, "All the heroes are buried here." But we know what these men did. We knew how brave they were. They came here and saved freedom, and then, they went home and showed us all what freedom is all about. The American sons and daughters who saw us to victory were no less extraordinary in peace. They built families. They built industries. They built a national culture that inspired the entire world. In [[Aftermath of World War II|the decades that followed]], America defeated [[communism]], secured [[Civil and political rights|civil rights]], revolutionized [[science]], [[Apollo 11|launched a man to the Moon]], and then kept on pushing to new frontiers. And today, America is stronger than ever before. * Seven decades ago, the warriors of D-day fought a sinister enemy who spoke of a thousand-year empire. In defeating that evil, they left a legacy that will last not only for a thousand years, but for all time—for as long as the soul knows of duty and honor; for as long as freedom keeps its hold on the human heart. To the men who sit behind me, and to the boys who rest in the field before me, your example will never, ever grow old. Your legend will never tire. Your spirit—brave, unyielding, and true—will never die. The blood that they spilled, the tears that they shed, the lives that they gave, the sacrifice that they made, did not just win a battle. It did not just win a war. Those who fought here won a future for our Nation. They won the survival of our civilization. And they showed us the way to love, cherish, and defend our way of life for many centuries to come. Today, as we stand together upon this sacred Earth, we pledge that our nations will forever be strong and united. We will forever be together. Our people will forever be bold. Our hearts will forever be loyal. And our children, and their children, will forever and always be free. May God bless our great veterans, may God bless our Allies, may God bless the heroes of D-day, and may God bless America. Thank you. Thank you very much. ====July 2019==== * Our army manned the air, it rammed the ramparts, it took over the airports, it did everything it had to do. ** Trump was describing battles in 1775, as quoted in [https://www.bbc.com/news/48885319 Trump blames 'airports' gaffe on teleprompter] *The kidney has a very special place in the heart. **[https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/video/2019/jul/11/the-kidney-has-a-very-special-place-in-the-heart-says-donald-trump-video 11 July 2019] * "I said, you know, you don't like me and I don't like you. I never have liked you and you never liked me but you're going to support me because you're a rich guy. And if you don't support me, you're going to be so goddamn poor you're not going to believe it." ** Trump was referring to an unnamed businessperson, as quoted by {{citation |date=2019-07-17 |title=Analysis: The 51 most outrageous lines from Donald Trump's NC rally |author=Chris Cillizza |periodical=WLOS.com |url=https://wlos.com/news/local/analysis-the-51-most-outrageous-lines-from-donald-trumps-nc-rally}} * Everybody calls me Mr. President. It's true. It's a funny thing. ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2019-07-17 |title=Analysis: The 51 most outrageous lines from Donald Trump's NC rally |author=Chris Cillizza |periodical=WLOS.com |url=https://wlos.com/news/local/analysis-the-51-most-outrageous-lines-from-donald-trumps-nc-rally}} * Then, I have an [[w:Article Two of the United States Constitution|Article II]], where I have to the right to do whatever I want as president [...] But I don’t even talk about that. ** Speech at the [[w:Turning Point USA|Turning Point USA]] Teen Student Action Summit, Washington DC (July 23, 2019), as cited in [https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2019/07/23/trump-falsely-tells-auditorium-full-teens-constitution-gives-him-right-do-whatever-i-want/ "While bemoaning Mueller probe, Trump falsely says the Constitution gives him 'the right to do whatever I want'"], ''The Washington Post'' (July 23, 2019) * [[Boris Johnson]], good man he is tough but he is smart. They call him Brittain Trump..They like me over there ** [www.youtube.com/watch?v=S0wO89TT9vI Trump on Johnson: 'They call him Britain Trump' - BBC News] July 24, 2019 *These people [Democrats] are clowns **[https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-signing-safe-third-country-agreement-guatemala/ from the White House on July 26 (video)] *I am the least racist person there is anywhere in the world **30 July 2019 [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/video/2019/jul/30/trump-claims-least-racist-person-in-the-world per The Guardian] ====August 2019==== * I think my rhetoric is a very – it brings people together. ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2019-08-07 |title=While slamming critics, Trump says his words ‘bring people together’ |author=Steve Benen |periodical=MSNBC |url=http://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/while-slamming-critics-trump-says-his-words-bring-people-together}} * I think any Jewish people that vote for a Democrat -- it shows either a total lack of knowledge or great disloyalty. ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2019-08-21 |title=Jewish leaders outraged by Trump saying Jews disloyal if they vote for Democrats |author=Maegan Vazquez, Jim Acosta |periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2019/08/20/politics/donald-trump-jewish-americans-democrat-disloyalty/index.html?no-st=9999999999}} * I am the chosen one. Somebody had to do it, so I'm taking on China... and you know what we're winning. ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2019-08-21 |title=Donald Trump: 'I am the chosen one' |author=Tola Mbakwe|periodical=CNN |url=https://premierchristian.news/en/news/article/donald-trump-i-am-the-chosen-one}} ====September 2019==== * Where’s my favorite [[Dictatorship|dictator]]? ** Trump was looking for Egyptian President [[Abdel Fattah el-Sisi]], as quoted by {{citation |date=2019-09-13 |title=Trump, Awaiting Egyptian Counterpart at Summit, Called Out for ‘My Favorite Dictator’ | author=By Nancy A. Youssef, Vivian Salama and Michael C. Bender | url=https://www.wsj.com/articles/trump-awaiting-egyptian-counterpart-at-summit-called-out-for-my-favorite-dictator-11568403645?tesla=y&mod=e2twp}} * I always look orange. And so do you. The light is the worst. ** Trump complained about energy-saving light bulbs, quoted by {{citation |date=2019-09-24 |title=Trump on Why He Doesn’t Like Energy-Efficient Lightbulbs: “I Always Look Orange” |author=Elliot Hannon |url=https://slate.com/news-and-politics/2019/09/trump-on-why-he-doesnt-like-energy-efficient-light-bulbs-i-always-look-orange.html}} * The truth is plain to see — if you want freedom, take pride in your country; if you want [[democracy]], hold onto your sovereignty, and if you want peace, love your nation. Wise leaders always put the good of their own people and their own country first. The future does not belong to globalists. The future belongs to patriots. The future belongs to sovereign and independent nations who protect their citizens, respect their neighbours, and honor the differences that make each country special and unique. ** Address to United Nations General Assembly, quoted in {{citation |date=2019-09-13 |title=Trump UN speech knocks globalism: The future belongs to nationalism |author=Tim Pearce |periodical=Washington Examiner |url=https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/news/trump-un-speech-knocks-globalism-the-future-belongs-to-nationalism}} ====October 2019==== =====Statement on the Death of Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi===== [[File:President Trump Watches as U.S. Special Operations Forces Close in on ISIS Leader (48967991042).jpg|thumb|Last night, the [[United States]] brought the [[world]]'s number one [[terrorist]] [[leader]] to [[justice]]. [[Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi]] is [[dead]]. He was the founder and leader of [[ISIS]], the most ruthless and violent terror organization in the World.]] :<small>[https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefings-statements/statement-president-death-abu-bakr-al-baghdadi/ Offiical release at Whitehouse.gov (27 October 2019)] · [https://www.nytimes.com/2019/10/27/us/trump-transcript-isis-al-baghdadi.html Transcript of delivered remarks at ''The New York Times'' (27 October 2019)] · [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q6YvsrGILrw "President Trump's full announcement on the death of Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi", ''The Washington Post'' YouTube channel (27 October 2019)]</small> * Last night, the [[United States]] brought the [[world]]'s number one [[terrorist]] [[leader]] to [[justice]]. [[Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi]] is [[dead]]. He was the founder and leader of [[ISIS]], the most ruthless and violent terror organization in the World. The United States has been searching for Baghdadi for many years. Capturing or killing Baghdadi has been the top [[national security]] priority of my Administration. U.S. Special Operations forces executed a [[dangerous]] and [[daring]] nighttime raid into Northwestern [[Syria]] to [[accomplish]] this [[mission]]. * Terrorists who oppress and murder innocent people should never sleep soundly, knowing that we will completely destroy them. These savage monsters will not escape their fate – and they will not escape the final judgement of God. * This raid was impeccable, and could only have taken place with the acknowledgement and help of certain other nations and people. <br /> I want to thank the nations of Russia, Turkey, Syria and Iraq, and I also want to thank the Syrian Kurds for certain support they were able to give us. Thank you as well to the great intelligence professionals who helped make this very successful journey possible. * Last night was a great night for the United States and for the World. A brutal killer, one who has caused so much hardship and death, was violently eliminated – he will never again harm another innocent man, woman or child. He died like a dog. He died like a coward. The world is now a much safer place. * I don't want to say how, but we had absolutely perfect -- as though you were watching a movie. It was -- that -- that in -- the technology there alone is -- is really great. **[https://edition.cnn.com/2019/10/27/politics/donald-trump-baghdadi-death-isis/index.html 27 October 2019] ====November 2019==== *I WANT NOTHING I WANT NOTHING I WANT NO QUID PRO QUO. TELL [[Volodymyr Zelenskyy|ZELLINSKY]] TO DO THE RIGHT THING. THIS IS THE FINAL WORD FROM THE PRES. OF THE U.S. **[https://www.vox.com/2019/11/20/20974383/trump-big-sharpie-notes-on-impeachment-testimony Remarks on a notepad, White House lawn, November 20], after Ambassador Gordon Sondland's testimony. ====December 2019==== * We have a situation where we're looking very strongly at sinks and showers, and other elements of bathrooms.<br>You turn on the faucet and you don't get any water..<br>People are flushing toilets 10 times, 15 times.<br>They have so much water that it comes down. It's called rain. ** Quoted in {{citation |author=Matthew Cantor |title=Trump says people 'flush the toilet 10 times' and seeks solution |periodical=The Guardian |date=2019-12-06 |url=https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2019/dec/06/trump-says-people-flush-the-toilet-10-times-and-seeks-solution}} * So ridiculous. Greta must work on her Anger Management problem, then go to a good old fashioned movie with a friend! Chill Greta, Chill! ** Trump was commenting on the Swedish school pupil and climate activist Greta Thunberg after she was named Time’s Person of the Year for 2019, as quoted by {{citation | author=Reuters staff | title=Climate activist Thunberg hits back at Trump over anger management taunt | periodical=Reuters | date=2019-12-06 | url=https://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-election-thunberg-idUSKBN27M0TN}} * I never understood wind. I know windmills very much, I have studied it better than anybody. I know it is very expensive. They are made in China and Germany mostly, very few made here, almost none, but they are manufactured, tremendous—if you are into this—tremendous fumes and gases are spewing into the atmosphere. You know we have a world, right?<br>So the world is tiny compared to the universe. So tremendous, tremendous amount of fumes and everything. You talk about the carbon footprint, fumes are spewing into the air, right spewing, whether it is China or Germany, is going into the air.<br>You see all those [windmills]. They’re all different shades of color. They’re like sort of white, but one is like an orange-white. It’s my favorite color, orange. **[[w:Turning Point USA|Turning Point USA]] conference, {{#formatdate:2019-12-21}}, quoted in {{citation |author=Connor Mannion |title=Trump Attacks Windmills in Speech to Conservative Group: ‘I Never Understood Wind’ |periodical=Mediaite |date=2019-12-22 |url=https://www.mediaite.com/trump/trump-attacks-windmills-in-speech-to-conservative-group-i-never-understood-wind/}} ===2020=== * My administration will never stop fighting for Americans of faith ** At a rally for evangelicals earlier in 2020 according to [https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2020/09/trump-secretly-mocks-his-christian-supporters/616522/ Trump Secretly Mocks His Christian Supporters] September 29, 2020 ====January 2020==== * <!--[00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxEwTFJG1DQ&t=0s): Tesla's now worth more than GM and Ford; do you have comments on Elon Musk? --><!-- [00:04](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxEwTFJG1DQ&t=4s):--> Well, you have to give [[Elon Musk|him]] credit. I spoke to him very recently, and he's also doing the rockets, he likes rockets, and he does good at rockets too, by the way. I never saw… where [[w:Falcon 9 first-stage booster|the engines]] come down with no wings, no anything, [[w:Falcon 9 first-stage landings|and they're landing]]. I've said I've never seen that before. <!--[00:19](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxEwTFJG1DQ&t=19s):--> And I was worried about him, because he's one of our great geniuses, and we have to protect our genius. We have to protect [[Thomas Edison]], we have to protect all of these people that came up originally with the [[w:light bulb|light bulb]], and the [[w:wheel|wheel]], and all of these things. And he's one of our very smart people, and we want to cherish those people, that's very important. But he's done a very good job. <!--[00:41](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxEwTFJG1DQ&t=41s):--> Shocking, how well, …how it's come so fast. You go back a year, and they were talking about the end of [[w:Tesla, Inc.|the company]] and all of a sudden they're talking about these great things. He's going to be building [[w:Gigafactory|a very big plant]] in the United States. He has to. Because we help him, so he has to help us. ** on [[Elon Musk]], [[Tesla]], and [[SpaceX]] after Tesla stock valuation beat [[w:General Motors|General Motors]] and [[w:Ford Motor Company|Ford]] combined ** {{citation|url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxEwTFJG1DQ|title=Trump on Elon Musk: I was worried about him, because he's one of our great geniuses|interviewer=[[w:Joe Kernen|Joe Kernen]]|date=2020-01-22|work=CNBC Television|via=Youtube|location=[[w:World Economic Forum|World Economic Forum]], [[w:Davos|Davos]], Switzerland}} *'''{{w|Joe Kernen}}''': It was a couple of years ago. Before we get started-- with- we're going talk about the economy and a lot of other things--the [[Centers for Disease Control and Prevention|CDC]]-- has identified a case of [[w:2020 coronavirus pandemic in Washington (state)|coronavirus-- in Washington state]]. The {{w|Wuhan}} strain of this. If you remember {{w|SARS}}, that affected [[GDP]]. Travel-related effects. Do you-- have you been briefed by the CDC? And-- :'''Donald Trump''': I have, and-- :'''Joe Kernen''': --are there worries about a pandemic at this point? :'''Donald Trump''': No. Not at all. And-- we're-- we have it totally under control. <b>It's one person coming in from [[2019–20 coronavirus pandemic in mainland China|China]], and we have it under control.</b> It's—going to be just fine. :'''Joe Kernen''': Okay. And [[w:President of the People's Republic of China|President]] Xi-- there's just some-- talk in China that maybe the transparency isn't everything that it's going to be. Do you trust that we're going to know everything we need to know from China? :'''Donald Trump''': I do. I do. I have a great relationship with President Xi. [[w:China–United States trade war#2020|We just signed]] probably the biggest deal ever made. It certainly has the potential to be the biggest deal ever made. And-- it was a very interesting period of time time {{sic}}. :'''Joe Kernen''': Yeah. Let’s get into that-- :'''Donald Trump''': But we got it done, and-- no, I do. I think-- the [[China–United States relations|relationship]] is very, very good. :* Interview with {{w|CNBC}}'s {{w|Joe Kernen}} at the {{w|World Economic Forum}} in {{w|Davos, Switzerland}}, January 22, 2020. [https://www.cnbc.com/2020/01/22/cnbc-transcript-president-donald-trump-sits-down-with-cnbcs-joe-kernen-at-the-world-economic-forum-in-davos-switzerland.html Transcript online] at ''{{w|CNBC}}'' * China has been working very hard to contain the [[COVID-19 pandemic|Coronavirus]]. The United States greatly appreciates their efforts and transparency. ** Cited by {{citation |date=2020-01-24 |title=Trump Is Inciting a Coronavirus Culture War to Save Himself |author=Adam Serwer |periodical=The Atlantic |url=https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2020/03/trump-is-the-chinese-governments-most-useful-idiot/608638/}} *During National African American History Month, we honor the extraordinary contributions made by African Americans throughout the history of our Republic **[https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/proclamation-national-african-american-history-month-2020/ 31 January 2020] ***[https://twitter.com/CFTC/status/1233507203853758468 reposted 28 February 2020 by CFTC] ====February 2020==== * And by the way, the [[SARS-CoV-2|virus]]. They're working hard. Looks like by April, you know, in theory, when it gets a little warmer, it miraculously goes away. I hope that's true. ** Regarding [[Covid-19 pandemic in the United States|coronavirus]] ** Rally in Manchester, New Hampshire, {{#formatdate:2020-02-10}}, quoted in {{citation|date=2020-02-26|title=Trump’s dangerous message on coronavirus|author=Doyle McManus|periodical=LA Times|url=https://www.latimes.com/politics/story/2020-02-26/trumps-dangerous-message-on-coronavirus}} * There are a lot of dishonest slimeballs out there. Dishonest scum. Dirty cops, lot of dirty cops … the ones on top, they were absolute scum. ** Trump described former senior law enforcement officials who were involved in the FBI probes into his campaign, as quoted in {{citation|date=2020-02-20|title=Trump repeatedly struggles to pronounce words during conspiracy-laden rally, before suggesting he'll pardon Roger Stone in late-night tweet |author=Tom Embury-Dennis |periodical=Independent |url=https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-rally-twitter-roger-stone-sentence-pardon-2020-election-rally-phoenix-arizona-a9345956.html}} * And again, when you have 15 people, and the 15 within a couple of days is going to be down to close to zero, that's a pretty good job we've done. ** Regarding known [[COVID-19 pandemic in the United States|coronavirus cases]]. ** White House press conference, {{#formatdate:2020-02-26}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2020-03-11 |title=Coronavirus: US passes 1,000 cases – two weeks after Trump said number would soon be 'close to zero' |author=Chris Riotta |periodical=The Independent |location=UK |url=https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/coronavirus-cases-us-map-trump-how-many-infected-a9393061.html}} * We know all the people. We know all the good people. It's a question I asked the doctors before. Some of the people we cut, they haven't been used for many, many years, and if we ever need them, we can get them very quickly. And rather than spending the money — I'm a businessperson, I don't like having thousands of people around when you don't need 'em, when we need 'em, we can get them back very quickly. ** Asked about his consistent [[w:Criticism of response to the 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic#Funding cut by Trump administration|budget cuts]] to the CDC, the NIH, and the WHO. ** White House press conference, {{#formatdate:2020-02-26}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2020-02-28 |title=As the World Reaches for Face Masks, Trump Buries His Head in the Sand |author=Jonathan Chait |author-link=w:Jonathan Chait |periodical=New York |url=https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2020/02/trump-coronavirus-response.html}} * Can we get like ''[[Gone with the Wind (film)|Gone with the Wind]]'' back, please? ''[[Sunset Boulevard]]'', so many great movies. ** [https://economictimes.indiatimes.com/magazines/panache/trump-slams-oscar-winning-south-korean-film-parasite-praises-gone-with-the-wind/videoshow/74251536.cms] ** [https://economictimes.indiatimes.com/magazines/panache/trump-slams-oscar-winning-south-korean-film-parasite-praises-gone-with-the-wind/videoshow/74251536.cms Trump slams Oscar-winning South Korean film 'Parasite', praises 'Gone with the Wind']video posted February 22, 2020 * It's going to disappear. One day it's like a miracle, it will disappear. And from our shores, we — you know, it could get worse before it gets better. It could maybe go away. We'll see what happens. Nobody really knows. ** Regarding coronavirus ** African American History Month reception, White House, {{#formatdate:2020-02-27}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2020-02-29 |title=Inside Trump’s frantic attempts to minimize the coronavirus crisis |author= Yasmeen Abutaleb, Ashley Parker and Josh Dawsey |periodical=Washington Post |url=https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/inside-trumps-frantic-attempts-to-minimize-the-coronavirus-crisis/2020/02/29/7ebc882a-5b25-11ea-9b35-def5a027d470_story.html}}. Video of the event available at [https://www.c-span.org/video/?469786-1/president-trump-hosts-african-american-history-month-reception cspan] =====Donald Trump Charleston, South Carolina Rally (February 28, 2020)===== :<small>Donald Trump Charleston, South Carolina Rally (February 28, 2020), [https://www.rev.com/blog/transcripts/donald-trump-charleston-south-carolina-rally-transcript-february-28-2020 transcript online] at ''[[w:Rev (company)|Rev]]''.</small> * Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. All I can say is that the fake news just doesn't get it, do they? They don't get it. [inaudible 00:02:54] They just don't get it. Hello Charleston, and I'm thrilled to be back in the great state of [[South Carolina]] with thousands of hardworking American Patriots who believe in faith, family, God, and country. Thank you. It's a phenomenal crowd, only topped by the number of people outside that didn't get in. If anybody would like to give up where you're standing or your seat, please raise your hand. All right. Then let's begin, right? Thank you all very much though. This is great. No, they don't get it. Down the road, they have a rally for one of the people that are going to be running tomorrow. They're trying to get to a hundred, but they're not going to make it. So I think they're going to set up a round table. Well, that's what they do. So people want to go to a rally, they end up sitting at a round table talking about their definition of impeachment. Crazy. * No, it's crazy. Crazy! It's a crazy deal. No, the fake news media, they've been trying to figure this out for years. They still don't get it though. They don't get it. Look at all of those cameras. Look at all of those cameras. That's a lot of cameras. That's a lot of cameras, Lindsey and Tim, that's a lot of... They heard you guys were here. They heard Tim was here and that Lindsey was here and that... And they said, "We're not going to attend that rally," but when we heard those two guys plus our great congressmen, they're here, great congressmen. But this is an incredible time for our nation. We're thrilled to be in the midst of what we call the Great American Comeback and that's what it is. Jobs are booming, incomes are soaring, factories are returning, poverty is plummeting, confidence is surging, and we have completely rebuilt the awesome power of the United States military. Our country is stronger than ever before. * We are stronger, we are better, but while we are building a great future, the radical left Democrats in Washington are trying to burn it all down. They have spent the last three years, and I can even go further than that, three years since the election, but we go before the election, working to erase your ballots and overthrow our democracy. But with your help, we have exposed the far left's corruption and defeated their sinister schemes and let's see what happens in the coming months. Let's watch. Let's just watch. Very dishonest people. Now the Democrats are politicizing the coronavirus, you know that right? Coronavirus, they're politicizing it. We did one of the great jobs. You say, "How's President Trump doing?" They go, "Oh, not good, not good." They have no clue. They don't have any clue. They can't even count their votes in Iowa. They can't even count. No, they can't. They can't count their votes. * One of my people came up to me and said, "Mr. President, they tried to beat you on Russia, Russia, Russia." That didn't work out too well. They couldn't do it. They tried the [[Impeachment of Donald Trump|impeachment]] hoax. That was on a perfect conversation. They tried anything. They tried it over and over. They'd been doing it since you got in. It's all turning. They lost. It's all turning. Think of it. Think of it. '''And this is their new hoax.''' But we did something that's been pretty amazing. We have 15 people in this massive country and because of the fact that we went early. We went early, we could have had a lot more than that. We're doing great. Our country is doing so great. We are so unified. We are so unified. The Republican party has never ever been unified like it is now. There has never been a movement in the history of our country like we have now. Never been a movement. So a statistic that we want to talk about, go ahead. Say USA. It's okay. USA. So a number that nobody heard of, that I heard of recently and I was shocked to hear it, 35,000 people on average die each year from the flu. Did anyone know that? 35,000, that's a lot of people. It could go to 100,000, it could be 27,000. They say usually a minimum of 27, goes up to 100,000 people a year die. And so far we have lost nobody to [[w:2020 coronavirus pandemic in the United States|coronavirus in the United States]]. Nobody. And it doesn't mean we won't and we are totally prepared. It doesn't mean we won't, but think of it. You hear 35 and 40,000 people and we've lost nobody and you wonder the press is in hysteria mode. CNN fake news and the camera just went off, the camera. The camera just went off. Turn it back on. Hey, by the way, hold it. Look at this, and honestly, all events are like this. It's about us. It's all about us. I wish they'd take the camera, show the arena please. They never do. They never do. They never do it. They never show the arena. You can hear it because when you hear it, that's not 200 people. That's not a hundred people. That's thousands and thousands of people including people outside. You can hear it. They always show my face. See that face? They show my face. I want them to show the arena, not my face, right? [...] While the extreme left has been wasting America's time with these vile hoaxes, we've been killing terrorists, creating jobs, raising wages, enacting fair trade deals, securing our border, and lifting up citizens of every race, religion, color, and creed. We added another 225,000 jobs last month alone. And that makes seven million jobs since our election, seven million. The [[unemployment]] rate in the great state of South Carolina. You ever hear of that place? * Practically every one. Can you believe it? I'm sure your husbands are thrilled, right? They're thrilled. Where are you going tonight? I'm going to another Trump rally. Cool. Number 114. What do your husbands say about that? This group up here. She said, "We don't care." Thank you. Thank you. Democrats will only say horrible things even though they know we're doing a great job. We're doing a great job with what we have to work with. It's incredible. The Democrats want us to fail so badly. Even if their actions, and you take a look, hurt the people of this country, they'll hurt the people themselves, their wealth, their everything. They're willing to hurt our country in order to say bad, even if they know it's not so. We made an unbelievable deal with [[Mexico]], with [[Canada]], with [[China]], with South Korea, with [[Japan]]. And if you put a microphone with these people back there like the Academy Awards used to be, not anymore. Best movie of the year. It's made in [[South Korea]]. What's that all about? I'm waiting to see the best movie of the year- * And it's made... He said, "It's garbage." Only in South Carolina can you say that. Only in South Carolina. You're going to get us in trouble. No, I'm just repeating what he said for the fake news. No, but seriously the Academy Awards has gone way, way down in ratings. Do you know why? Because they started attacking us and we don't believe in it anymore. That's why. No, but they had [[Parasite (2019 film)|the best movie of the year made in South Korea]]. They make enough stuff for us, right? And they're good. They're our friends. Take advantage of us, that's okay. Not so much anymore. We are really, you take a look, magnificently organized with the best professionals in the world. We're prepared for the absolute worst. You have to be prepared for the worst, but hopefully it will all amount to very little. That's why I tell you when we have the flu with 35,000 people and this one we have to take it very, very seriously. That's what we're doing. We are preparing for the worst. * My administration has taken the most aggressive action in modern history to prevent the [[COVID-19 pandemic in the United States|spread of this illness in the United States]]. We are ready. We are ready. Totally ready. On January 31st, I ordered the suspension of foreign nationals who have recently been in China from entering the United States. An action which the Democrats loudly criticized and protested and now everybody's complimenting me saying, "Thank you very much. You were 100% correct." Could've been a whole different story. But I say, so let's get this right. A [[SARS-CoV-2|virus]] starts in China, bleeds its way into various countries all around the world, doesn't spread widely at all in the United States because of the early actions that myself and my administration took against a lot of other wishes, and the Democrats' single talking point, and you see it, is that it's Donald Trump's fault, right? It's Donald Trump's fault. No, just things that happened. * But you know what this does show you? Things happen. Whoever thought of this two weeks ago? Who would've thought this could be going on four weeks ago? You wouldn't. But things happen in life and you have to be prepared and you have to be flexible and you have to be able to go out and get it. And my guys that we have the best professionals in the world, the best in the world and we are so ready. At the same time that I initiated the first federally mandated quarantine in over 50 years. We had a quarantine some people. They weren't happy, they weren't happy about it. I want to tell you there are a lot of people that not so happy, but after two weeks they got happy. You know who got happy? The people around them got happy. That's who got happy. **Note: [[Luciana Borio]], former director of Medical and Biodefense Preparedness Policy at the {{w|National Security Council}}, said at a symposium at {{w|Emory University}} in [[Atlanta]] in 2018, marking the 100th anniversary of [[1918 flu pandemic]]: "[[Disease X|The threat]] of {{w|pandemic flu}} is the number one health security concern, are we ready to respond? I fear the answer is no." As quoted in ''[https://www.factcheck.org/2020/03/contrary-to-trumps-claim-a-pandemic-was-widely-expected-at-some-point/ Contrary to Trump's Claim, A Pandemic Was Widely Expected at Some Point]'' (March 20, 2020) by Rem Rieder, ''{{w|FactCheck.org}}''. * I also created a [[White House Coronavirus Task Force|White House virus task force]]. It's a big thing, a virus task force. I requested 2.5 billion dollars to ensure we have the resources we need. The Democrats said, "That's terrible. He's doing the wrong thing. He needs eight and a half billion, not two and a half." I've never had that before. I ask for two and a half, they want to give me eight and a half, so I said, "I'll take it." Does that make me a bad... I'll take it. I'll take it. I never had that before. I never had it. We want two and a half million. That's plenty. We demand you take eight and a half. He doesn't know what he's doing. We want eight and a half. These people are crazy. We must understand that border security is also health security. And you've all seen the wall has gone up like magic. It's gone up like magic. You think that was an easy one? That was not an easy one. It's going up great and we're up now 132 miles and this is the exact wall that border security, water, everything. * So I don't know what the record attendance is in this arena, but I was told that we broke it by a lot. And you got the people outside. Are we allowed to tell them who we would like them to vote for? Because you're allowed to skip. All right, so wait a minute, let's do a poll. We do this for the fake news back there. Ready? Who would be the best candidate for us? Not for them. We're ready. Ready? So let's go through them just quickly. We won't include Steyer because he's a loser. He's out, okay? We won't include him. Who would be the best? This is a real poll. This isn't one of those fake polls taken by ... In all fairness, I love you, [[Fox News|Fox]], taken by Fox, the worst pollster. This guy ... this pollster hates Trump's guts. I was losing the last election by a fortune. They said, "He did great with women." Everything was wrong. And they never replaced this guy. But watch this. You ready? * We had a great event yesterday, an event that was so beautiful, young African American leaders. One of the things I asked them, and I’ve been thinking about this for a long time… And great people, great people. Some of them are here tonight. Do you like the name African American or Black? And they said, “Black!” all at the same time. No, true. I tell you. Because you say, “[[African American]] or Black?” And they said almost immediately, “Black.” But we had an incredible group of people and what happened is {{w|NBC}}… It was such a love fest. It was so incredible. It went on for 45 minutes. It was a love fest. It was incredible. NBC turned down… There they are right there. They turned down… {{w|Comcast}}, which owns NBC… Actually NBC, I think, we call it [[w:List of nicknames used by Donald Trump#Organizations|MSDNC]], right? MSDNC. But NBC I think is worse than CNN. I actually do. And Comcast, a company that spends millions and millions of dollars on their image… I’ll do everything possible to destroy their image because they are terrible. They are terrible. They’re a terrible group of people. And they paid me a fortune for years for [[w:The Apprentice (American TV series)|the Apprentice]]. They paid me a fortune. And when I left the show, it was doing great. When I left the show, 14 seasons, think of that, they got a [[Arnold Schwarzenegger|big movie star]]. I won’t tell you his name. Nobody would know. Actually nobody will know his name because he was on for such a short period of time. But the show went down the tubes very quickly after they had Trump. But the country in five years from now, of course you want to upset them, five years or nine years or 13 years. Or 18 years! 10 more years. Nah. Oh, they go crazy when you say it. When you say to them five more years, so it’s five, but you then say maybe nine, maybe 13, maybe 17, maybe 21, or not, maybe 21. Let’s do this. Let’s term limit ourselves at 25 years. No more than 25 years. No more. Okay. They’ll pass something in the Senate. Tim, pass it in the Senate with Lindsey, a 25 year term limit please. ====March 2020==== * Well, I think the 3.4% is really a false number. Now, and this is just my hunch, and — but based on a lot of conversations with a lot of people that do this. Because a lot people will have this and it's very mild. They'll get better very rapidly. They don't even see a doctor. They don't even call a doctor. You never hear about those people. So you can't put them down in the category of the overall population in terms of this [[Coronavirus|corona flu and/or virus]]. So you just can't do that. So, if, you know, we have thousands or hundreds of thousands of people that get better just by, you know, sitting around and even going to work. Some of them go to work, but they get better. ** ''Hannity'', Fox News, {{#formatdate:2020-03-04}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2020-03-05 |author=Inae Oh |title=Trump Unleashes More Coronavirus Misinformation on National Television |periodical=Mother Jones |url=https://www.motherjones.com/politics/2020/03/donald-trump-coronavirus-sean-hannity/}} * But as of right now and yesterday, anybody that needs a test — That's the important thing. And [[COVID-19 testing|the tests]] are all perfect. Like, the letter was perfect. The transcription was perfect. Right? This was not as perfect as that but pretty good. ** Comparing coronavirus tests to his Ukraine phone call that led to his impeachment ** during tour of Center for Disease Control and Prevention in Atlanta, {{#formatdate:2020-03-06}}, quoted in {{citation|date=2020-03-06|title=Trump Says Coronavirus Testing Is as ‘Perfect’ as His Ukraine Call|author=Chas Danner|periodical=New York|url=https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2020/03/trump-coronavirus-testing-as-perfect-as-ukraine-call.html}} * They would like to have the people come off. I'd rather have the people stay, but I'd go with them. I told them to make the final decision. I would rather — because I like the numbers being where they are. I don't need to have the numbers double because of one ship that wasn't our fault. ** regarding Grand Princess cruise ship with 21 diagnosed cases of coronavirus ** during tour of Center for Disease Control and Prevention in Atlanta, {{#formatdate:2020-03-06}}, quoted in {{citation|date=2020-03-06|title=Trump Says ‘People Have to Remain Calm’ Amid Coronavirus Outbreak|author=Peter Baker|periodical=New York Times|url=https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/06/us/politics/trump-coronavirus-cdc.html}} * You know, my uncle was a great person. He was at MIT. He taught at MIT for, I think, like a record number of years. He was a great super genius. Dr. John Trump. I like this stuff. I really get it. People are surprised that I understand it. Every one of these doctors said, "How do you know so much about this?" Maybe I have a natural ability. Maybe I should have done that instead of running for President. ** during tour of Center for Disease Control and Prevention in Atlanta, {{#formatdate:2020-03-06}}, quoted in {{citation|date=2020-03-06|title=‘Maybe I have a natural ability’: Trump plays medical expert on coronavirus by second-guessing the professionals|author=David Nakamura|periodical=Washington Post|url=https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/maybe-i-have-a-natural-ability-trump-plays-medical-expert-on-coronavirus-by-second-guessing-the-professionals/2020/03/06/3ee0574c-5ffb-11ea-9055-5fa12981bbbf_story.html}} * I've been briefed on every contingency you can possibly imagine. Many contingencies. A lot of—a lot of positive. Different numbers. All different numbers. Very large numbers. And some small numbers too, by the way. ** Regarding coronavirus. Posed question: "Mr. President, have you been briefed that up to 100 million Americans would ultimately be exposed to the virus?" ** [https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-meeting-republican-senators-2/ Briefing at the White House] ({{#formatdate:2020-03-10}}) * No, '''I don't take responsibility at all''', because we were given a set of circumstances and we were given rules, regulations and specifications from a different time. ** Asked if he took responsibility for the lag in coronavirus testing ** White House press conference, {{#formatdate:2020-03-13}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2020-03-13 |title='I don't take responsibility at all': Trump pushes back on complaints about coronavirus testing |author=Zachary Halaschak |periodical=Washington Examiner |url=https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/news/i-dont-take-responsibility-at-all-trump-pushes-back-on-complaints-about-coronavirus-testing}} * They're trying to scare everybody, from meetings, cancel the meetings, close the schools—you know, destroy the country. And that's okay, as long as we can win the [[2020 United States presidential election|election]]. ** Fundraiser, Mar-a-Lago, quoted in {{citation |date=2020-03-15 |title=Trump says media 'scare' coverage of coronavirus response OK 'as long as we can win the election': Report |author=Daniel Chaitin |periodical=Washington Examiner |url=https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/news/trump-says-media-scare-coverage-of-coronavirus-response-okay-as-long-as-we-can-win-the-election-report}} * It's a very contagious virus. It's incredible. But it's something we have tremendous control of. I think very important the young people, people of good health and groups of people just are not strongly affected. ** In a White House briefing, as quoted in {{citation |date=2020-03-15 |title=Fact check: Trump falsely claims US has 'tremendous control' of the coronavirus |author=Daniel Dale |periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/03/15/politics/fact-check-trump-control-coronavirus/index.html}} * Respirators, ventilators, all of the equipment—try getting it yourselves. We will be backing you, but try getting it yourselves. Point of sales, much better, much more direct if you can get it yourself. ** Call with governors, quoted in {{citation |date=2020-03-16 |title=Trump tells governors to seek out respirators and other vital equipment on their own. |author=''The New York Times'' staff |periodical=The New York Times |url=https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/16/world/coronavirus-news.html}} * We have an invisible enemy. We have a problem a month ago nobody ever thought about. [...] This is a bad one, this is a very bad one. This is bad in the sense that it's so contagious. It's just so contagious. Sort of record-setting type contagion. ** Coronavirus task force press briefing, {{#formatdate:2020-03-16}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2020-03-17 |title=The Last Great Pandemic |author=Jarrett Stepman |periodical=The Daily Signal |url=https://www.dailysignal.com/2020/03/17/the-last-great-pandemic/}} * <p>''Q:'' Very simple question; does the buck stop with you? And on a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your response to this crisis?</p><p>''Donald Trump:'' I'd rate it a 10. I think we've done a great job. And it started with the fact that we kept a very highly infected country, despite all of the—even the professionals saying no, it's too early to do that, we were very, very early with respect to China. And we would have a whole different situation in this country if we didn't do that. I would rate it a very, very—I would rate ourselves and—and the professionals—I think the professionals have done a fantastic job.</p> ** Coronavirus task force press briefing, {{#formatdate:2020-03-16}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2020-03-16 |title=Trump: I'd Rate My Response To Coronavirus a 10 |author=Ian Schwartz |periodical=RealClearPolitics |url=https://www.realclearpolitics.com/video/2020/03/16/trump_id_rate_my_response_to_coronavirus_a_10.html}} * <p>''Q:'' Does the buck stop with you, Mr. President? Does the buck stop with you?</p><p>''Donald Trump:'' Yeah, normally. But I think when you hear the—you know, this has never been done before in this country.</p> ** Coronavirus task force press briefing, {{#formatdate:2020-03-16}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2020-03-16 |title=Trump says buck 'normally' stops with him — but not for coronavirus |author=Oliver Willis |periodical=American Independent |url=https://americanindependent.com/donald-trump-coronavirus-response-buck-stops-here-white-house-covid-19/}} * <p>''Peter Alexander:'' How are non-symptomatic professional athletes getting tests while others are waiting in line and can't get them?</p><p>''Donald Trump:'' No, I wouldn’t say so, but '''perhaps that’s been the story of life'''. That does happen on occasion and I’ve noticed where some people have been tested fairly quickly.</p> ** Coronavirus task force press briefing, {{#formatdate:2020-03-18}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2020-03-18 |title=Coronavirus: Trump says it may be 'the story of life' that well-connected get testing first |author=Janelle Griffith |periodical=NBC News |url=https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/coronavirus-nyc-mayor-slams-nets-over-testing-trump-weighs-n1162971}} * <p>''Peter Alexander:'' What do you say to Americans who are scared though? I guess, nearly 200 dead, 14,000 who are sick, millions, as you witnessed, who are scared right now? What do you say to Americans who are watching you right now who are scared?</p><p>''Donald Trump:'' I say that you're a terrible reporter, that's what I say. I think that's a very nasty question.</p> ** Coronavirus task force press briefing, {{#formatdate:2020-03-20}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2020-03-20 |title=Trump launches into tirade against media, insults NBC reporter at coronavirus briefing |author=Adam Edelman |periodical=NBC News |url=https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-rips-reporter-who-asked-him-calm-scared-americans-terrible-n1165031}} * We're [[w:Trump administration communication during the COVID-19 pandemic#Lifting restrictions|opening up]] this incredible country. Because we have to do that. I'd love to have it open by Easter. I would love to have it opened by Easter. It's such an important day for other reasons, but I will make it an important day for this, too. I would love to have the country opened up and just rarin' to go by [[Easter]]. ** Fox News town hall, {{#formatdate:2020-03-24}} * Look, Easter's a very special day for me. And I see it's sort of in that timeline that I'm thinking about. And I say, "Wouldn't it be great to have all of the churches full?" – you know the churches aren't allowed, essentially, to have much of a congregation there. And most of 'em, I watched on Sunday, online. And it was terrific, by the way, but online is never going to be like being there. So I think Easter Sunday, and you'll have packed churches all over our country. I think it would be a beautiful time. And it's just about the timeline that I think is right. ** Fox News interview, {{#formatdate:2020-03-24}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2020-03-24 |title=Coronavirus: Trump says Easter with ‘packed churches’ would be ‘beautiful time’ to reopen US |author=John T Bennett |periodical=The Independent |location=UK |url=https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-coronavirus-news-reopen-us-borders-easter-holiday-a9423041.html}} * I have a feeling that a lot of the numbers that are being said in some areas are just bigger than they’re going to be, I don't believe you need 40,000 or 30,000 ventilators. You go into major hospitals sometimes, and they’ll have two ventilators. And now all of a sudden they’re saying, 'Can we order 30,000 ventilators?' ** Speaking with [[Sean Hannity]] on [[Fox News]] on 26 March 2020. As quoted in ''[https://www.politico.com/news/2020/03/26/trump-ventilators-coronavirus-151311 Trump: I don't believe you really need that many ventilators]'', 27 March 2020, ''{{w|Politico}}''. * Don't be a cutie pie, okay? ** Trump responding to the question “But everybody who needs one will be able to get a ventilator?” from reporter Jonathan Karl. As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-03-27 |title=Trump to reporter pressing him about ventilators: 'Don't be a cutie pie' |author=Tal Axelrod |periodical=The Hill |url=https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/489958-trump-to-reporter-pressing-him-about-ventilators-dont-be-a-cutie-pie}} * ...young people are really, this is an incredible phenomenon, but they are attacked, successfully attacked to a much lesser extent by [[2019–20 coronavirus pandemic|this pandemic]], by this disease. This whatever they want to call it. '''You call it a germ, you can call it a flu, you can call it a virus. You know, you can call it many different names. I'm not sure anybody even knows what it is''', but the children do very well. ** Coronavirus task force press briefing, {{#formatdate:2020-03-27}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2020-03-27 |title=Trump on Coronavirus: "I'm Not Sure Anybody Even Knows What It Is"; "You Can Call It A Germ, You Can Call It A Flu" |author=Ian Schwartz |periodical=RealClearPolitics |url=https://www.realclearpolitics.com/video/2020/03/27/trump_on_coronavirus_im_not_sure_anybody_even_knows_what_it_is_you_can_call_it_a_germ_you_can_call_it_a_flu.html}} * Just finished a very good conversation with [[Xi Jinping|President Xi]] of China. Discussed in great detail the CoronaVirus that is ravaging large parts of our Planet. China has been through much & has developed a strong understanding of the Virus. We are working closely together. Much respect! ** Quoted in {{citation |date=2020-03-27 |title=Trump claims Asian Americans are angry at 'what China has done' to U.S. |author=Kimmy Yam |periodical=Yahoo News / NBC News |url=https://news.yahoo.com/trump-claims-asian-americans-angry-190959445.html}} * Nobody could have imagined a thing like this — a tragedy like this would have happened: the invisible enemy. ** As quoted in ''[https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-meeting-supply-chain-distributors-covid-19/ Remarks by President Trump in a Meeting with Supply Chain Distributors on COVID-19]'' (March 29, 2020), ''{{w|whitehouse.gov}}''. * The [[Federal government of the United States|federal government]] has done something that nobody has done anything like this other than perhaps wartime. And that’s what we’re in: We’re in a war. ** As quoted in ''[https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-meeting-supply-chain-distributors-covid-19/ Remarks by President Trump in a Meeting with Supply Chain Distributors on COVID-19]'' (March 29, 2020), ''{{w|whitehouse.gov}}''. * My administration has done a job on really working across government and with the private sector, and it’s been incredible. It’s a beautiful thing to watch, I have to say. Unfortunately, the end result of the group we’re fighting — which are hundreds of billions and trillions of germs, or whatever you want to call them — they are bad news. This virus is bad news and it moves quickly, and it spreads as easily as anything anyone has ever seen. ** As quoted in ''[https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-meeting-supply-chain-distributors-covid-19/ Remarks by President Trump in a Meeting with Supply Chain Distributors on COVID-19]'' (March 29, 2020), ''{{w|whitehouse.gov}}''. * I just want to reiterate, because a lot of people have been asking, well, what would have happened if we did nothing? Did nothing, we just rode it out, and I’ve been asking that question to Tony and Deborah, and they’ve been talking to me about it for a long time, other people have been asking that question, and I think we got our most accurate study today, or certainly most comprehensive. Think of the number, potentially, 2.2 million people if we did nothing. If we didn’t do the distancing, if we didn’t do all of the things that we’re doing. When you hear those numbers, you start to realize that, with the kind of work we went through last week, with the $2.2 trillion, it no longer sounds like a lot, right? You’re talking about, when I heard the number today, first time I’ve heard that number, because I’ve been asking the same question that some people have been asking, I felt even better about what we did last week with the $2.2 trillion, because you’re talking about a potential of up to 2.2 million, and some people said it could even be higher than that. So you’re talking about 2.2 million deaths. 2.2 million people from this. If we can hold that down as we’re saying, to 100,000, it’s a horrible number. Maybe even less, but to 100,000, so we have between 100 and 200,000, we altogether have done a very good job. 2.2, up to 2.2 million deaths and maybe even beyond that? I’m feeling very good about what we did last week. ** Coronavirus Task Force Briefing, March 29, 2020, [https://www.rev.com/blog/transcripts/donald-trump-coronavirus-task-force-briefing-transcript-march-29-trump-extends-task-force-guidelines-to-april-30 transcript online] at ''[[w:Rev (company)|Rev]]'' * I know South Korea better than anybody, it's a very tight — do you know how many people are in Seoul? Do you know how big the city of Seoul is? 38 million people. That's bigger than anything we have. ** Trump talking about Seoul, which is a city with 10 million people according to the city government's English language website. As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-03-30 |title=Trump tried to flex by asking a reporter about the population of Seoul. Then he got it wrong by 28 million. |author=Jake Lahut |periodical=Business Insider |url=https://www.businessinsider.com/coronavirus-trump-got-the-population-of-seoul-wrong-by-millions-2020-3?r=US&IR=T}} ====April 2020==== * It's called "[[social media]]." It's social media. It gets out. I have, you know, hundreds of millions of people. Number one on [[Facebook]]. Did you know I was number one on Facebook? I mean, I just found out I'm number one on Facebook. I thought that was very nice for whatever it means. No, it represents something. And when I can explain to people: Just don't do it. You know, it's going to be bad if you do it. It's going to be really bad. And they don't need to do it. They have enough problems. [[Iran]] has enough problems without doing that. But we’ve been pulling back very substantially over the last year, in [[Iraq]]. And so, you know, that's the way it is. ** Coronavirus task force press briefing, {{#formatdate:2020-04-01}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2020-04-01 |title=Remarks by President Trump, Vice President Pence, and Members of the Coronavirus Task Force in Press Briefing |author=James S. Brady |periodical=White House |url=https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-vice-president-pence-members-coronavirus-task-force-press-briefing-16/}}. ** Note: At April 1, [https://web.archive.org/web/20200401020635if_/https://www.facebook.com/DonaldTrump/ Trump's official page], with 26.8 million likes and 28.5 million followers, was not among the [[w:List of most-followed Facebook pages|most-followed Facebook pages]]. At January 6, speaking on [[Rush Limbaugh]]'s radio show Trump stated that [[Mark Zuckerberg]] told him that he was "number one on Facebook", claim that was not refuted by Facebook as reported in ''[https://www.huffingtonpost.com.au/entry/trump-mark-zuckerberg-facebook_n_5e12e125e4b0843d3615393f Trump Claims Mark Zuckerberg Told Him He's 'Number One On Facebook']'' (January 8, 2020) by Josephine Harvey, ''{{w|HuffPost Australia}}'' * We’re working to ensure that the supplies are delivered where and when they’re needed, and in some cases, we’re telling governors we can’t go there because we don’t think you need it and we think someplace else needs it. And pretty much, so far, we’ve been right about that. And we’ll continue to do it. As it really gets — this will be probably the toughest week between this week and next week. And there’ll be a lot of death, unfortunately, but a lot less death than if this wasn’t done. But there will be death. ** As quoted in ''[https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-vice-president-pence-members-coronavirus-task-force-press-briefing-19/ Remarks by President Trump, Vice President Pence, and Members of the Coronavirus Task Force in Press Briefing]'' (April 4, 2020), ''{{w|whitehouse.gov}}'' * So we’ve done 1,670,000 tests. Think of that 1,670,000 tests. And we have a great system. Now we’re working with the states in almost all instances, but we have a great system. And the other thing that we bought a tremendous amount of is the [[Hydroxychloroquine|hydroxy chloroquine]]. Hydroxy chloroquine, which I think is, you know, it’s a great [[malaria]] drug. It’s worked unbelievably. It’s a powerful drug on malaria and [[w:Hydroxychloroquine#COVID-19|there are signs]] that it works on this, some very strong signs and in the meantime it’s been around a long time. It also works very powerfully on lupus, so there are some very strong powerful signs and we’ll have to see because again, it’s tested. ** Coronavirus Task Force Briefing, April 5. [https://www.rev.com/blog/transcripts/donald-trump-coronavirus-task-force-briefing-transcript-april-5 Transcript] at ''[[w:Rev (company)|Rev]]''. * Now this is a new thing that just happened to as the invisible enemy we call it. And if you can, if you have a no signs of heart problems, the {{w|azithromycin}}, which will kill certain things that you don’t want living within your body. It’s a powerful drug. If you don’t have a problem, a heart problem, we would say, let your doctor think about it, but as a combination, I think they’re going to be, I think there’s two things that should be looked at very strongly. Now, we have purchased and we have stockpiled 29 million pills of the hydroxy chloroquine, 29 million. A lot of drug stores have them by prescription and also, and they’re not expensive. Also, we’re sending them to various labs. Our military, we’re sending them to the hospitals, we’re sending them all over. I just think it’s something, you know the expression, I’ve used it for certain reasons. ** Coronavirus Task Force Briefing, April 5. [https://www.rev.com/blog/transcripts/donald-trump-coronavirus-task-force-briefing-transcript-april-5 Transcript] at ''[[w:Rev (company)|Rev]]''. * What do you have to lose? What do you have to lose? And a lot of people are saying that when … and are taking it, if you’re a doctor, a nurse, a first responder, a medical person going into hospitals, they say taking it before the fact is good, but what do you have to lose? They say, take it, I’m not looking at it one way or the other, but we want to get out of this. If it does work, it would be a shame if we didn’t do it early. But we have some very good signs. So that’s hydroxy chloroquine and as azithromycin, and again, you have to go through your medical people get the approval. But I’ve seen things that I sort of like, so what do I know? I’m not a doctor, I’m not a doctor, but I have common sense. ** Coronavirus Task Force Briefing, April 5. [https://www.rev.com/blog/transcripts/donald-trump-coronavirus-task-force-briefing-transcript-april-5 Transcript] at ''[[w:Rev (company)|Rev]]''. * The [[w:Food and Drug Administration|FDA]] feels good about it. They’ve, as you know, they’ve approved it. They gave it a rapid approved approval. And the reason because it’s been out there for a long time and they know the side effects and they also know the potential. So based on that, we have sent it throughout the country. We have it stockpiled about 29 million doses, 29 million doses. We have a lot of it. We hope it works. Driven by the goal of the brightest minds in science. We have the brightest minds in science, but we were driven by the goal of getting rid of this plague, getting rid of this scourge, getting rid of this virus. These brilliant minds are working on the most effective antiviral therapies and vaccines. We are working very, very hard. I have met many of the doctors that are doing it. These are doctors that are working so hard on vanquishing the virus. ** Coronavirus Task Force Briefing, April 5. [https://www.rev.com/blog/transcripts/donald-trump-coronavirus-task-force-briefing-transcript-april-5 Transcript] at ''[[w:Rev (company)|Rev]]''. ** Note: Hydroxychloroquine use is not approved by the FDA [[w:Hydroxychloroquine#COVID-19|for COVID-19]] as of 7 April 2020. * I want them to try it. It may work, and it may not work. But if it doesn’t work, it’s nothing lost by doing it. Nothing. Because we know long-term what I want. I want to save lives, and I don’t want it to be in a lab for the next year-and-a-half as people are dying all over the place. In [[w:2020 coronavirus pandemic in France|France]], they had a very good test. They’re continuing. But we don’t have time to go and say, gee, let’s take a couple of years and test it out, and let’s go and test with the test tubes and the laboratories. We don’t have time. I’d love to do that, but we have people dying today. As we speak, there are people dying. If it works, that’d be great. If it doesn’t work, we know for many years malaria, it’s incredible what it’s done for malaria. It’s incredible what it’s done for lupus, but it doesn’t kill people. ** On using the drug as treatment for [[coronavirus disease 2019]] (COVID-19). Coronavirus Task Force Briefing (April 5, 2020). [https://www.rev.com/blog/transcripts/donald-trump-coronavirus-task-force-briefing-transcript-april-5 Transcript] at ''[[w:Rev (company)|Rev]]''. * '''Speaker to [[Anthony Fauci]]''': And would you also weigh in on this issue of hydroxychloroquine? What do you think about this and what is the medical evidence? :'''Donald Trump''': You know how many times he’s answered that question? :'''Speaker''': I’d love to hear from the doctor. :'''Donald Trump''': Maybe 15. 15 times. You don’t have to ask the question. :'''Speaker''': He’s your medical expert, correct? :'''Donald Trump''': He answered that question 15 times. :* On using the drug as treatment for [[coronavirus disease 2019]] (COVID-19). Coronavirus Task Force Briefing (April 5, 2020). [https://www.rev.com/blog/transcripts/donald-trump-coronavirus-task-force-briefing-transcript-april-5 Transcript] at ''[[w:Rev (company)|Rev]]'' * She created over 15 million jobs. ** Donald Trump talking about his daughter Ivanka Trump in a call with business leaders. No explanation or supporting evidence was provided. {{citation |date=2020-04-07 |title=Trump claims that his daughter created 10 percent of all the jobs in the United States |author=Ian Millhiser |periodical=Vox |url=https://www.vox.com/2020/4/8/21212802/trump-ivanka-10-percent-jobs-walmart-15-million}} * This is a very brilliant enemy. You know, it's a brilliant enemy. They develop drugs like the antibiotics, you see it. Antibiotics used to solve every problem. Now one of the biggest problems the world has is the germ has gotten so brilliant, that the antibiotic can't keep up with it. And they're constantly trying to come up with a new— People go to a hospital and they catch– They go for a heart operation, that's no problem, but they end up dying from, from... problems. You know the problems I'm talking about. ** Coronavirus task force press briefing, {{#formatdate:2020-04-10}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2020-04-10 |title=Watch: Trump Appears To Believe That Coronavirus Is A Bacteria, Not A Virus |author=Jake Thomas |periodical=The Intellectualist |url=https://mavenroundtable.io/theintellectualist/news/watch-trump-appears-to-believe-that-coronavirus-is-a-bacteria-not-a-virus-qNAKtyts0UCLxCPxQv0EQg}} * When someone is president of the United States the authority is total. ** Coronavirus task force press briefing, {{#formatdate:2020-04-13}}, quoted by {{citation |date=2020-04-13 |title=CNN reporter flat-out contradicts Trump to his face when he claims king-like authority |author=Cody Fenwick |periodical=RawStory |url=https://www.rawstory.com/2020/04/cnn-reporter-flat-out-contradicts-trump-to-his-face-when-he-claims-king-like-authority/}} * The delays the [[WHO]] experienced in declaring a [[w:Public health emergency|public health emergency]] cost valuable time tremendous amounts of time; more time was lost in the delay it took to get a team of international experts and to examine the outbreak which we wanted to do which they should have done. The inability of the WHO to obtain virus samples to this date has deprived the scientific community of essential data. New data that emerges across the world on a daily basis points to the unreliability of the initial reports and the world received all sorts of false information about transmission and mortality. The silence of the WHO on the disappearance of scientific researchers and doctors and new restrictions on the sharing of research into the origins of COVID-19 in the country of origin is deeply concerning especially when we put up by far the largest amount of money, not even close. Had the WHO done its job to get medical experts into China to objectively assess the situation on the ground and to call out China's lack of transparency, the outbreak could have been contained as a source with very little death, very little death, and certainly very little death by comparison. This would have saved thousands of lives and avoided worldwide economic damage. Instead the WHO willingly took China's assurances to face value, and they took it just at face value and defended the actions of the Chinese government, even praising China for its so-called transparency. I don't think so. The WHO pushed China's misinformation about the virus, saying it was not communicable, and there was no need for travel bans. They told us when we put on our travel ban a very strong travel ban, there was no need to do it. Don't do it; they actually fought us. The WHO's reliance on China's disclosures likely caused a 20-fold increase in cases worldwide, and it may be much more than that. ** White House coronavirus task force briefing (April 14, 2020), [https://www.realclearpolitics.com/video/2020/04/14/trump_halts_who_funding_full_accountability_for_pushing_chinas_misinformation_about_coronavirus.html transcript online] at ''{{w|RealClearPolitics}}'' * Look, I could tell you about — and I’m not going to do it, because I didn’t want to bring it up — but I could tell you about events that took place. And I said things like, “You’ll never do that again” or “You’ll never do this again” or — I don’t even want to mention the events. I don’t want to mention what you’re supposed to be doing because — and you know one of them was so horrible.  I said, “A certain industry will be out of business — never happen again.” Two weeks later, it was like nothing ever happened. Hopefully, we get rid of this. We have tremendous talent up here and all over, including governors, including local governments, state governments. ** [https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-vice-president-pence-members-coronavirus-task-force-press-briefing-april-17-2020/ Remarks by President Trump, Vice President Pence, and Members of the Coronavirus Task Force in Press Briefing | April 17, 2020] * That’s why your ratings are so bad because you’re pathetic. Go ahead. Let’s go. Your ratings are terrible. You got to get back to real news. Go ahead. ** Trump interrupting a reporter who started a question with "The first of the month is next week ... " White House coronavirus task force briefing (April 19, 2020), [https://www.rev.com/blog/transcripts/donald-trump-coronavirus-press-conference-transcript-april-19 Donald Trump Coronavirus Press Conference Transcript April 19] * I think I read yesterday a report that we’ve done more than everybody — every other country — combined, <BR> * We’ve tested more than every other country in the world even put together. ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-04-21 |title=Trump just said the US has done more coronavirus testing than the rest of the world. Not even close. |author=Aaron Rupar |periodical=Vox |url=https://www.vox.com/2020/4/21/21230400/trump-coronavirus-briefing-testing-other-countries-combined}} ** Note: At that time, the US had done just above 4 million tests, while worldwide more than 20 million tests had been done. *And then I see '''the disinfectant''' where it knocks it out in a minute. One minute.<br>And is there a way we can do something like that, by injection inside or almost a cleaning?<br>Because, you see, it gets on the lungs, and it does a tremendous number on the lungs.<br>So it'd be interesting to check that.<br>So that you're going to have to use medical doctors, but it sounds — it sounds interesting to me. ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-04-23 |title='It's irresponsible and it's dangerous': Experts rip Trump's idea of injecting disinfectant to treat COVID-19 |author=Jan C. Timm |periodical=NBC News |url=https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2020-election/it-s-irresponsible-it-s-dangerous-experts-rip-trump-s-n1191246}} ** Note: Trump's Food and Drug Administration specifically warned against drinking the chemicals in disinfectants, noting that consumption of such products "can cause nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, and symptoms of severe dehydration." ***despite this, Biden in July 2020 misquoted Trump as advocating drinking bleach * So supposing we hit the body with a tremendous, whether it’s ultraviolet or just very powerful light and I think you said that hasn't been checked but you’re going to test it. And then I said supposing you brought the light inside the body, which you can do either through the skin or in some other way. ** Trump, suggesting a way to cure COVID-19, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-04-23 |title='Jaw-Dropping’: Trump Slammed for Touting Dangerous New Virus Treatments After Favored Drug Is Discredited |author=Hunter Woodall |periodical=Daily Beast |url=https://www.thedailybeast.com/trump-slammed-for-touting-sunlight-uv-light-bleach-as-possible-covid-19-treatments-during-briefing}} * And we’re — really, I’m very happy the governors have been — the governors, really, have been doing a really good job working with us, and it’s — it’s, really, pretty impressive to see. I’ve spoken to numerous leaders of countries over the last 48 hours, and they are saying we’re leading the way. We’re really leading the way in so many different ways. ** White House coronavirus task force briefing (April 23, 2020), [https://www.rev.com/blog/transcripts/donald-trump-coronavirus-press-conference-transcript-april-23 Donald Trump Coronavirus Press Conference Transcript April 23] * I work from early in the morning until late at night, haven’t left the White House in many months (except to launch Hospital Ship Comfort) in order to take care of Trade Deals, Military Rebuilding etc., and then I read a phony story in the failing @nytimes about my work schedule and eating habits, written by a third rate reporter who knows nothing about me. I will often be in the Oval Office late into the night & read & see that I am angrily eating a hamberger & Diet Coke in my bedroom. People with me are always stunned. Anything to demean! ** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-04-26 |title='Hambergers' and 'Noble prizes': Trump attacks press in furious Twitter rant riddled with spelling errors |author=Alex Woodward |periodical=Independent |url=https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/donald-trump-latest-coronavirus-hamburger-nobel-prize-russia-a9485006.html}} * When will all of the 'reporters' who have received Noble Prizes for their work on Russia, Russia, Russia, only to have been proven totally wrong (and, in fact, it was the other side who committed the crimes) be turning back their cherished 'Nobles' so that they can be given to the REAL REPORTERS & JOURNALISTS who got it right. ** Tweet, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-04-26 |title=Trump calls for journalists who covered the Russia investigation to return their 'Noble Prizes' in Twitter rant before deleting it |author=James Pasley |periodical=Business Insider |url=https://www.businessinsider.com/trump-deletes-tweet-calling-for-journalists-to-return-noble-prizes-2020-4?r=US&IR=T}} * What is the purpose of having White House News Conferences when the Lamestream Media asks nothing but hostile questions, & then refuses to report the truth or facts accurately. They get record ratings, & the American people get nothing but Fake News. Not worth the time & effort! ** Tweet, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-04-26 |title=Trump says briefings 'not worth the effort' amid fallout from disinfectant comments |author=Lauren Aratani |periodical=The Guardian |url=https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2020/apr/25/donald-trump-stays-away-from-briefings-amid-fallout-from-disinfectant-comments}} * I can't imagine why. ** Trump was answering a question from a journalist about rise in misuse of disinfectants the last few days, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-04-27 |title=Trump Says He Takes No Responsibility For People Ingesting Disinfectant |author=Lydia O'Connor |periodical=Huffpost |url=https://www.huffpost.com/entry/trump-no-responsibility-disinfectant-use_n_5ea75b7dc5b6a30004e6e509}} * The only reason the U.S. has reported one million cases of CoronaVirus is that our Testing is sooo much better than any other country in the World. ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-04-29 |title=Trump still seems to not understand how bad the coronavirus crisis is |author=Stephen Collinson |periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/04/29/politics/donald-trump-coronavirus-politics-pence/index.html}} * '''Donald Trump:''' And you have to understand: When we took over, the cupboards were bare. And the thing that — frankly, it’s not as tough as the ventilator situation. We’re the king of ventilators. But what we have done is — on testing, we’re doing numbers the likes of which nobody has ever seen before. And I told you, the President of South Korea, [[Moon Jae-in|President Moon]], called me to congratulate me on testing. And we did more tests than any other country anywhere in the world. And I think they told me yesterday a number — if you add up the rest of the world, we’ve done more testing. And it’s a higher quality test. So I think we’ve done a — I think the whole team, federal government — we built hospitals for you and others. : '''{{w|Phil Murphy}}:''' You bet. : '''Donald Trump:''' We built medical centers. And I’m talking about thousands and thousands of beds. Many, many medical centers. We had — as you know, we had the governor of Florida and the governor of Louisiana over the last two days. They could not have been — and one was a Democrat, and this gentleman happens to be a proud Democrat. They could not have been more supportive of the effort of the federal government. And I’ll tell you, Jim — : '''{{w|James Acosta}}:''' But aren’t you seeing massive lines for food? : '''Donald Trump:''' Let me just tell you, we have — we started off with empty cupboards. The last administration left us nothing. We started off with bad, broken tests and obsolete tests. What we’ve come up with, between the {{w|Abbott Laboratories}}, where you have the five-minute test. Did they test you today? : '''Phil Murphy:''' They did test me. : '''Donald Trump:''' Good. Now I feel better. (Laughter.) : '''Phil Murphy:''' Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’m negative. : '''Donald Trump:''' You did the five-minute — the Abbott test. : '''Phil Murphy:''' I did the quick turnaround. : '''Donald Trump:''' It’s so great. : '''Phil Murphy:''' I feel like a new man. : '''Donald Trump:''' That’s a brand — you know what? That’s a brand-new test. That didn’t exist eight weeks ago, and now it’s like the rage. Everybody wants that test. No, I think we’ve done — I think we’ve done a really great job. :* About [[Shortages related to the COVID-19 pandemic|the lack]] of tests for the novel coronavirus, ''[https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-meeting-governor-murphy-new-jersey/ Remarks by President Trump in a Meeting with Governor Murphy of New Jersey]'' (April 30, 2020), ''{{w|whitehouse.gov}}''. Quoted in ''[https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/trump-blame-obama-covid-tests/ Did Trump Blame Obama for ‘Bad’ COVID-19 Tests?]'' by Bethania Palma, 1 May 2020, ''{{w|Snopes}}'' :* Note: No previous administration could have prepared a test for a disease which had yet to emerge. COVID-19 emerged during [[Trump's presidency]], the test was designed in 2020 by the [[Centers for Disease Control]] under the Trump administration. See {{w|Misinformation related to the COVID-19 pandemic#Presidential}} * These are very good people, but they are angry. ** Trump described armed demonstrators who stormed the state Capitol in Michigan, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-05-01 |title=Trump urges Michigan governor to give in to ‘very good people’ who stormed statehouse with guns |author=Travis Gettys |periodical=Rawstory |url=https://www.rawstory.com/2020/05/trump-urges-michigan-governor-to-give-in-to-very-good-people-who-stormed-statehouse-with-guns/}} ====May 2020==== *I have not touched my face in a week. **[https://www.huffpost.com/entry/trump-face-touching-video-proof_n_5e601ac1c5b6985ec91abce1] * I can't tell you that. I'm not allowed to tell you that. ** Trump was answering what his basis was for claiming that the coronavirus emerged from a virology lab in the Wuhan city of China, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-05-01 |title='It Came Out Of China, Could Have Been Stopped': Prez Donald Trump On Coronavirus |author=PTI |periodical=Outlook |url=https://www.outlookindia.com/website/story/world-news-it-came-out-of-china-could-have-been-stopped-prez-donald-trump-on-coronavirus/351848}} * We will be AIDS-free within 8 years. We started, 10 years. Should've started in the previous administration. They did nothing. It started at my administration. ** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-05-03 |title=Fact check: Trump peppers Fox News town hall with false claims on coronavirus and other topics |author=Daniel Dale |periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/05/03/politics/fact-check-fox-news-townhall-trump-may-3/index.html}} * With all of that unity we have, in one sense, we have great unity, in another sense, I think they're going to come along, I mean, you know, I certainly hope so, but the main thing I have to do is bring our country back, and I want to get it back to where it was or maybe beyond where it was, you know, we have tremendous stimulus, all the money we've been talking about so far tonight. ** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-05-04 |title=The 45 most shocking lines from Donald Trump's Lincoln Memorial Fox town hall |author=Chris Cillizza |periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/05/04/politics/donald-trump-fox-lincoln-memorial/index.html}} * So in [[California]], the Democrats, who fought like crazy to get all mail in only ballots, and succeeded, have just opened a voting booth in the most Democrat area in the State. They are trying to steal another election. It’s all rigged out there. These votes must not count. SCAM! ** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-05-09 |title=In Deranged Tweets Trump Says that All California Votes ‘Must Not Count’ |author=Mark NC |periodical=News Corpse |url=https://www.newscorpse.com/ncWP/?p=45212}} * We are getting great marks for the handling of the [[COVID-19 pandemic|CoronaVirus pandemic]], especially the very early BAN of people from China, the infectious source, entering the USA. Compare that to the Obama/Sleepy [[Joe Biden|Joe]] disaster known as H1N1 Swine Flu. Poor marks, bad polls - didn’t have a clue! ** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-05-10 |title=Trump claims he is ‘getting great marks’ for coronavirus response as US death toll nears 80,000 |author=Richard Hall |periodical=Independent |url=https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/trump-coronavirus-us-response-barack-obama-joe-biden-a9507346.html}} * If people want to get tested, they get tested. ** Quoted in {{citation |date=2020-05-11 |title=Fact check: Trump falsely claims, again, that anybody who wants a test can get one |author=By Daniel Dale, David Wright, Arman Azad, Holmes Lybrand | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/05/11/politics/trump-fact-check-may-11/index.html}} * Coronavirus numbers are looking MUCH better, going down almost everywhere. ** Quoted in {{citation |date=2020-05-11 |title=Trump points to 'the numbers,' which don't say what he thinks they say |author=Steve Benen |periodical=MSNBC | url=https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/trump-points-numbers-which-don-t-say-what-he-thinks-n1205336}} * We have to close the country. And I said, say it again. They said, sir, you have to close the country. Nobody ever heard of a thing like this but they were right because if I didn't we would have lost two million, two and a half million, maybe more than that people. ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-05-11 |title=Why Donald Trump's idea that he saved millions of lives is laughable |author=Chris Cillizza |periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/05/11/politics/donald-trump-coronavirus-quarantine/index.html}} * Asian Americans are VERY angry at what China has done to our Country, and the World. Chinese Americans are the most angry of all. I don’t blame them! ** Quoted in {{citation |date=2020-05-12 |title=Trump claims Asian Americans are angry at 'what China has done' to U.S. |author=Kimmy Yam |periodical=Yahoo News / NBC News |url=https://news.yahoo.com/trump-claims-asian-americans-angry-190959445.html}} * To me it's not an acceptable answer, especially when it comes to schools ** Trump was commenting on a statement from infectious disease expert Dr. Anthony Fauci, warning that getting businesses and schools back open too quickly would lead to unnecessary suffering and death, as quoted in {{citation |date=2020-05-13 |title=Trump's rebuke of Fauci encapsulates rejection of science in virus fight |author=Stephen Collinson |periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/05/14/politics/donald-trump-anthony-fauci-science-coronavirus/index.html}} * If we didn’t do any testing, we would have very few cases ** As quoted in {{citation |date=2020-05-16 |title=Trump seems to think there’d be no coronavirus if there was no testing. It doesn’t work like that. |author=Aaron Rupar |periodical=VOX |url=https://www.vox.com/2020/5/15/21259888/trump-coronavirus-testing-very-few-cases}} * A lot of doctors take it. I take it. * I would have told you that three or four days ago, but we never had a chance, because you never asked me the question. ** Trump, about taking the anti-malaria drug hydroxychloroquine to prevent Covid-19 disease, as quoted in {{citation |date=2020-05-18 |title=FDA: This Drug Could Kill You. Trump: I’m Taking It! |author=Justin Paragona, Adam Rawnsley |periodical=The Daily Beast |url=https://www.thedailybeast.com/trump-reveals-hes-now-taking-unproven-anti-malarial-drug-fda-warned-against}} * When we have a lot of cases, I don’t look at that as a bad thing — I look at that in a certain respect as being a good thing because it means our testing is much better. ... So I view it as a badge of honour, really, ** Trump talked about the 1.59 million confirmed cases of Covid-19, as quoted in {{citation |date=2020-05-19 |title=Coronavirus: Trump says it’s ‘badge of honour’ for US to lead world in Covid-19 cases |author=Oliver O'Connell |periodical=Independent |url=https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-coronavirus-cases-us-covid-death-toll-a9523166.html}} * Breaking: [[Michigan]] sends absentee ballots to 7.7 million people ahead of Primaries and the General Election. This was done illegally and without authorization by [[Jocelyn Benson|a rogue Secretary of State]]. I will ask to hold up funding to Michigan if they want to go down this Voter Fraud path! ** As quoted in {{citation |date=2020-05-20 |title=Trump’s False Tweet About Michigan Absentee Ballot Applications |author=D'Angelo Gore |periodical=FactCheck.org |url=https://www.factcheck.org/2020/05/trumps-false-tweet-about-michigan-absentee-ballot-applications/}} * And, you know, when you say “per capita,” there’s many per capitas. It’s, like, per capita relative to what? But you can look at just about any category, and we’re really at the top, meaning positive on a per capita basis, too. They’ve done a great job. ** Quoted in {{citation |date=2020-05-20 |title=Did Trump Say There Are ‘Many Per Capitas’ During a COVID-19 Discussion? |author=Kim LaCapria |periodical=TruthOrFiction.com |url=https://www.truthorfiction.com/did-president-trump-say-there-were-many-per-capitas-in-a-covid-19-discussion/}} * I didn’t want to give the press the pleasure of seeing it. ** Trump commented on why he didn't wear a face mask as a protection against the coronavirus at a visit to a factory, as quoted in {{citation |date=2020-05-21 |title=Trump Goes Without Mask For Public Tour of Michigan Factory, Says He ‘Didn’t Want to Give the Press the Pleasure’ of Seeing Him Wearing One |author=Madeleine Carlisle |periodical=Time |url=https://time.com/5840833/trump-michigan-ford-plant-tour-mask/}} * Yeah. I tested positively toward negative, right? So, no, I tested perfectly this morning, meaning—meaning I tested negative... But that’s a way of saying it: positively toward the negative. ** On having had a coronavirus test, spoken to reporters on the White House lawn, 2020-05-21. {{citation |url=https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/trump-tested-very-positively/ |title=Did Trump Say He ‘Tested Very Positively’ for COVID-19, Meaning Negative? | publisher={{w|Snopes}} |date=May 22, 2020 |accessdate=May 22, 2020 |author=Bethania Palma}} * I was honored five years ago, ‘man of the year’ in Michigan. ** {{citation |date=2020-05-22 |title=Trump’s Dubious Michigan ‘Man of the Year’ Boast |author=Robert Farley |periodical=FactCheck.org |url=https://www.factcheck.org/2019/08/trumps-dubious-michigan-man-of-the-year-boast/}} * There is NO WAY (ZERO!) that Mail-In Ballots will be anything less than substantially fraudulent. Mail boxes will be robbed, ballots will be forged & even illegally printed out & fraudulently signed. The [[Gavin Newsom|Governor of California]] is sending Ballots to millions of people, anyone living in the state, no matter who they are or how they got there, will get one. That will be followed up with professionals telling all of these people, many of whom have never even thought of voting before, how, and for whom, to vote. This will be a Rigged Election. No way! ** [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1265255835124539392 Twitter (26 May 2020)] * Imagine if your local phone companies tried to edit or censor what you said. Social media companies have far more power. ** {{citation |date=2020-05-28 |title=Donald Trump just used a ridiculous comparison to justify his social media crackdown |author=Chris Cillizza |periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/05/28/politics/donald-trump-twitter-facebook-social-media-executive-order/index.html}} ====June 2020==== [[File:President Trump Visits St. John's Episcopal Church (49963649028).jpg|thumb|You have to dominate or you'll look like a bunch of jerks, you have to arrest and try people.]] * You have to dominate or you'll look like a bunch of jerks, you have to arrest and try people. * You don't have to be too careful. ** Trump ordering US governors on how to react against people protesting against police violence following the murder of George Floyd, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-06-01 |title=An agitated Trump encourages governors to use aggressive tactics on protesters |author=Kevin Liptak, Ryan Nobles, Sarah Westwood |periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/06/01/politics/donald-trump-race-police/index.html}} *[[Washington, D.C.]], was the safest place on earth last night! **[https://twitter.com/realdonaldtrump/status/1267959729361485825 2 June 2020 tweet] quoted [https://www.usnews.com/news/politics/articles/2020-06-07/ap-fact-check-trump-exaggerations-on-blacks-economic-gains 8 June 2020] by [[US News]] * It’s a great day for him. It’s a great day for everybody. This is a great, great day in terms of quality. ** Trump claimed that the US economy was "back on track", and connected this with George Floyd, who had been murdered by the police some days earlier, as quoted by by {{citation |date=2020-06-05 |title=Trump Criticised For Saying George Floyd Is Looking Down And Calling It ‘A Great Day’ |author=Emma Rosemurgey |periodical=UNILAD |url=https://www.unilad.co.uk/news/trump-criticised-for-saying-george-floyd-is-looking-down-and-calling-it-a-great-day/}} * Buffalo protester shoved by Police could be an ANTIFA provocateur. 75 year old Martin Gugino was pushed away after appearing to scan police communications in order to black out the equipment. @OANN I watched, he fell harder than was pushed. Was aiming scanner. Could be a set up? ** Trump repeated suggestions, without providing evidence, regarding the peaceful protester Martin Gugino who suffered brain damage after being handled brutally by the police. Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-06-09 |title=Trump Accuses 75-Year-Old Knocked Down By Buffalo Police Of Faking Fall |author=Cameron Frew |periodical=UNILAD |url=https://www.unilad.co.uk/news/trump-accuses-75-year-old-knocked-down-by-buffalo-police-of-faking-fall/}} * I think I’ve done more for the black community than any other President and let’s take a pass on Abraham Lincoln because he did good but although it’s always questionable, you know in other words the end result. **Trump discussing his leadership and relationship with the African-American community during the {{w|George Floyd protests}}, spoken on a Fox News interview, archived at "[https://slate.com/news-and-politics/2020/06/what-was-trump-trying-to-say-about-abraham-lincoln.html What Was Trump Trying to Say About Abraham Lincoln?]" by Jeremy Stahl (June 12, 2020), published in ''{{w|Slate (magazine)|Slate}}''. * He is a liar ... everybody in the White House hated [[John Bolton]]. ** Trump described John Bolton, who was picked by Trump to be Security Adviser, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-06-15 |title=Trump brands John Bolton a ‘LIAR’ and says ‘everybody in the White House hated him’ after bombshell book extracts |author=Nicole Darrah |periodical=The Sun |url=https://www.the-sun.com/news/999925/trump-john-bolton-book-white-house-liar/}} * These are the people – the best, the smartest, the most brilliant anywhere, and they’ve come up with the AIDS vaccine. They’ve come up with ... various things. ** Claimed about scientists, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-06-16 |title=AP FACT CHECK: Trump on an AIDS vaccine that doesn’t exist |author=Calvin Woodward, Hope Yen |periodical=News 12 |url=https://www.kxii.com/content/news/AP-FACT-CHECK-Trump-on-an-AIDS-vaccine-that-doesnt-exist-571309161.html/}} *I did something good: I made [[Juneteenth]] very famous.<br>It’s actually an important event, an important time. But nobody had ever heard of it. **Wednesday 17 June 2020 interview in the Oval Office according to [https://www.wsj.com/articles/trump-talks-juneteenth-john-bolton-economy-in-wsj-interview-11592493771 19 June 2020 article] by [[Michael Bender]] of [[Wall Street Journal]], highlighted [https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2020/jun/20/donald-trump-tulsa-rally-crowd-empty-seats 21 June 2020] by [[Richard Wolffe]] of [[The Guardian]] * I said, 'General, there's no way I can make it down that ramp without falling on my ass, general. I have no railing.' ** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-06-20 |title=1,798 words that prove how obsessed Donald Trump is with the West Point ramp story |author=Chris Cillizza |periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/06/22/politics/donald-trump-tulsa-rally-west-point-ramp/index.html |lang=en-US}} * Your 401(k)s and money itself will be worthless. ** Claimed about what will happen if Joe Biden wins the next president election, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-06-20 |title=Lying again about the pandemic, Trump made 200 false claims from early June to early July |author=Daniel Dale, Tara Subramaniam |periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/07/18/politics/fact-check-trump-june-july-2020/index.html |lang=en-US}} *By the way, it’s a disease, without question [that] has more names than any disease in history. I can name “kung flu.” I can name 19 different versions of names. Many call it a virus, which it is. Many call it a flu. What difference? I think we have 19 or 20 different versions of the name. ** Discussing the [[COVID-19 pandemic]] at a {{w|Donald Trump's Tulsa rally|campaign rally in Tulsa, Oklahoma on June 21}}, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-06-21 |title=This Is How Trump Plans to Beat Biden |author=Osita Nwanevu |periodical={{w|The New Republic}} |url=https://newrepublic.com/article/158245/trump-plans-beat-biden |lang=en-US}} * RIGGED [[2020 United States presidential election|2020 ELECTION]]: MILLIONS OF MAIL-IN BALLOTS WILL BE PRINTED BY FOREIGN COUNTRIES, AND OTHERS. IT WILL BE THE SCANDAL OF OUR TIMES! ** Claim quoted by {{citation |date=2020-06-22 |title=FACT CHECK: Trump Spreads Unfounded Claims About Voting By Mail |author=Miles Parks |periodical=NPR |url=https://apnews.com/1d1a98892bdc7e1df97807b3be48bb13 |lang=en-US}} * Cases up only because of our big number testing. Mortality rate way down!!! * It’s fading away, it’s going to fade away. * We have got the greatest testing program anywhere in the world. * We’ve done too good a job. * You know testing is a double-edged sword. ... Here’s the bad part. When you test to that extent, you are going to find more people, find more cases. So I said to my people, ‘Slow the testing down please.’ ** Claimed about the Covid-19 pandemic, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-06-23 |title=AP FACT CHECK: Sober science weighs in on Trump’s virus take |author=Calvin Woodward, Hope Yen |periodical=AP |url=https://www.npr.org/2020/06/22/881598655/fact-check-trump-spreads-unfounded-claims-about-voting-by-mail |lang=en-US}} *I said to my people <i>slow the testing down please</i> ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=baHR5E952H8 referring to [[COVID-19 testing]] during a Jun 21, 2020 campaign ralley in [[w:Tulsa, Oklahoma]] ] * Well, one of the things that will be really great, you know the word experience is still good. I always say talent is more important than experience. I’ve always said that. But the word experience is a very important word. It’s an — a very important meaning. I never did this before. I never slept over in Washington. I was in Washington, I think, 17 times. All of a sudden, I’m president of the United States. You know the story. I’m riding down Pennsylvania Avenue with our First Lady and I say, ‘This is great. But I didn’t know very many people in Washington. It wasn’t my thing. I was from Manhattan, from New York. Now I know everybody, and I have great people in the administration. You make some mistakes. Like, you know, an idiot like [[John R. Bolton|Bolton]]. All he wanted to do was drop bombs on everybody. You don’t have to drop bombs on everybody. You don’t have to kill people. ** Trump was responding to the question "What are your top priorities for a second term?", as quoted by {{citation |date=2019-07-17 |title=Trump Rambles Unintelligibly About Plan for Second Term |author=Adam K Raymond |periodical= NY Mag|url=https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2020/06/trump-hannity-interview-full-of-unintelligible-rambling.html }} * Nobody briefed or told me, @VP Pence, or Chief of Staff [[Mark Meadows|@MarkMeadows]] about the so-called attacks on our troops in [[Afghanistan]] by Russians ** Trump commented on a news report saying that Russian spies are paying Taliban for killing US soldiers in Afghanistan, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-06-28 | title=Trump denies he was briefed on reported bounties on US troops |author=Kyle Balluck |periodical=The Hill |url=https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/504890-trump-denies-he-was-briefed-on-reported-bounties-on-us-troops |lang=en-US}} * Can't you just shoot them? Just shoot them in the legs or something? ** Said in June 2020, about demonstrators in the streets around the White House following the murder of George Floyd, according to former Defense Secretary Mark Esper, quoted in [https://www.axios.com/mark-esper-book-trump-protesters-24e93272-2af5-423d-be3b-164daab7b43d.html "Scoop: Esper says Trump wanted to shoot protesters"], Axios, 2 May 2022 ====July 2020==== * I think we’re gonna be very good with the coronavirus. I think that at some point that’s going to, sort of, just disappear—I hope. ** Spoken on a morning news talk show regarding the [[COVID-19]] pandemic; at the time, the United States had over 120,000 deaths from the virus and over 2.5{{nbsp}}million infections. As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-01 |title=Trump again claims coronavirus is ‘going to just disappear’ as US sees record number of new cases |author=Richard Hall |periodical=The Independent |url=https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/trump-coronavirus-cases-us-fox-news-interview-today-covid-a9596631.html}} * Against every law of society and nature, our children are taught in school to hate their own country and to believe that the men and women who built it were not heroes but that were villains. The radical view of American history is a web of lies, all perspective is removed, every virtue is obscured, every motive is twisted, every fact is distorted, and every flaw is magnified until the history is purged and the record is disfigured beyond all recognition. ** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-03 |title=Biden tells teachers they have ‘the most important’ job on same day Trump says they teach children to ‘hate their country’ |author=Valerie Strauss |periodical=Independent |url=https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-election/biden-trump-teachers-education-policy-2020-election-a9603156.html}} * In our schools, our newsrooms, even our corporate boardrooms, there is a new far left fascism that demands absolute allegiance. ** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-03 |title=The 28 most outrageous lines from Donald Trump's Mount Rushmore speech |author=Valerie Strauss |periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/07/04/politics/donald-trump-mount-rushmore-south-dakota-speech-lines/index.html}} * We got hit by the virus that came from China. We’ve made a lot of progress. Our strategy is moving along well. * We’ve learned how to put out the flame. * Now we have tested almost 40m people. By so doing, we show cases, 99% of which are totally harmless. ** Trump was describing the situation with Covid-19, where more than 128 000 had died out of around 2,800,000 found cases at that time, a death rate of more than 4 %, and around 40,000 to 50,000 new cases were found per day, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-04 |title=Trump claims 99% of US Covid-19 cases are 'totally harmless' as infections surge |author=David Smith |periodical=The Guardian |url=https://www.theguardian.com/world/2020/jul/05/trump-claims-99-of-us-covid-19-cases-are-totally-harmless-as-infections-surge}} * We’re very much going to put pressure on governors and everybody else to open the schools. ** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-07 |title=Column: Trump demands schools reopen or funds might be cut — our (expendable) kids must face the virus! |author=Rex Huppke |periodical=Chicago Tribune |url=https://www.chicagotribune.com/columns/rex-huppke/ct-coronavirus-schools-trump-reopen-devos-florida-texas-covid-huppke-20200708-eeb6di3ml5cilk35hzl5ix5l6m-story.html}} * We have -- consumer confidence has risen 12 points since April, an all-time high. Think of that. ** Untrue claim, quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-09 |title=Fact check: Exaggerating again, Trump claims four non-record economic figures are records |author=Daniel Dale |periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/07/06/politics/fact-check-trump-june-jobs-exaggerations/index.html}} * Too many Universities and School Systems are about Radical Left Indoctrination, not [[Education]]. Therefore, I am telling the [[w:United States Department of the Treasury|Treasury Department]] to re-examine their Tax-Exempt Status and/or Funding, which will be taken away if this Propaganda or Act Against Public Policy continues. Our children must be Educated, not Indoctrinated! ** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-11 |title=Doctors, teachers reject Trump's pressure to reopen U.S. schools |author=Susan Heavey |periodical=Reuters |url=https://www.reuters.com/article/us-health-coronavirus-uda-education/in-bid-to-reopen-u-s-schools-trump-threatens-their-tax-exempt-status-idUSKBN24B2D3?il=0}} * Deaths in the U.S. are way down. * For the 1/100th time, the reason we show so many Cases, compared to other countries that haven’t done nearly as well as we have, is that our TESTING is much bigger and better. We have tested 40,000,000 people. If we did 20,000,000 instead, Cases would be half, etc. NOT REPORTED! * We have the lowest Mortality Rate in the World. * Job growth is biggest in history. * Economy and Jobs are growing MUCH faster than anyone (except me!) expected. ** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-11 |title=AP FACT CHECK: Trump keeps repeating false pandemic information |author= Calvin Woodward, Hope Yen, and Christopher Rugaber|periodical=Sentinel Colorado |url=https://sentinelcolorado.com/news/nation-world/fact-check/ap-fact-check-trump-keeps-repeating-false-pandemic-information/}} * I disagreed with doing this very small (tiny) section of wall, in a tricky area, by a private group which raised money by ads. It was only done to make me look bad, and perhsps it now doesn't even work. Should have been built like rest of Wall, 500 plus miles. ** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-12 |title=Trump says possibly unstable section of border wall funded by supporters was 'only done to make me look bad'|author= Catherine Garcia | periodical=The Week |url=https://theweek.com/speedreads/925124/trump-says-possibly-unstable-section-border-wall-funded-by-supporters-only-done-make-look-bad}} * I know people that like the [[w:Confederate flag|Confederate flag]] and they're not thinking about [[Slavery in the United States|slavery]]. ** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-18 |title=Trump keeps fighting a Confederate flag battle many supporters have conceded |author= Tina Nguyen | periodical=Politico |url=https://www.politico.com/news/2020/07/18/trump-confederate-flag-battle-368607}} * Look, I take responsibility always for everything because it's ultimately my job, too. I have to get everybody in line. ** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-19 |title=Trump pushes back against critics on coronavirus, addresses whether he will accept election results in exclusive interview |author= Ronn Blitzer | periodical=Fox News |url=https://www.foxnews.com/politics/trump-pushes-back-against-critics-on-coronavirus-addresses-whether-he-will-accept-election-results-in-exclusive-interview}} * I’m not a big fan of [[Fox News|Fox]], I’ll be honest with you. * We’re signing a healthcare plan within two weeks, a full and complete healthcare plan that the supreme court decision on DACA gave me the right to do. So we’re going to solve – we’re going to sign an immigration plan, a healthcare plan, and various other plans. And nobody will have done what I’m doing in the next four weeks. ** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-19 |title=Donald Trump v Fox News Sunday: extraordinary moments from a wild interview |author= Amanda Holpuch | periodical=The Guardian |url=https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2020/jul/19/donald-trump-fox-news-sunday-chris-wallace-interview}} * We've done much better than most. And with the fatality rate at a lower rate than most, it's something that we can talk about. ** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-21 |title=AP FACT CHECK: A More Measured Trump Doesn't Mean Accurate |author= | periodical=VOA |url=https://www.voanews.com/covid-19-pandemic/ap-fact-check-more-measured-trump-doesnt-mean-accurate}} * Well, you see something that looks good and you don’t investigate it. ** Trump was describing his habit of retweeting content that has sometimes been odd, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-22 |title=Donald Trump admits he regrets his tweets 'too often', says his retweets 'get him in trouble' and reminisces about the 'old days when you could write a letter and let it sit for a day' |author= Ariel Zilber | periodical=DailyMail |url=https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8558493/Trump-says-regrets-Twitter-posts-admits-times-love-it.html}} * So it sort of is curious. A man works for us, with us, very closely, Dr. Fauci and Dr. Birx also, very highly thought of -- and yet, they're highly thought of, but <b>nobody likes me</b>? It can only be my personality, that's all. ** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-28 |title='Nobody likes me': Trump ponders pandemic popularity of Fauci and Birx |author= Kevin Liptak | periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/07/28/politics/donald-trump-anthony-fauci-approval-rating/index.html}} * If it reached my desk I would have done something about it. ** Trump was commenting on a U.S. intelligence assessment that Russia was paying a bounty to militants in Afghanistan to kill Americans there, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-28 |title=AP FACT CHECK: Trump hype on drug costs, hydroxychloroquine |author=Hope Yen and Calvin Woodward | periodical=Star Tribune |url=https://www.startribune.com/ap-fact-check-trump-hype-on-drug-costs-hydroxychloroquine/571989352/}} * You can look at large portions of our country, it's corona-free. ** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-28 |title=Fact check: Trump falsely says 'large portions' of the US are 'corona-free,' repeats claim that protests are leading to rising cases |author=Holmes Lybrand, Tara Subramaniam, Nathan McDermott and Em Steck | periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/07/28/politics/coronavirus-trump-kodak-press-briefing-fact-check/index.html}} * Anarchists, Agitators or Protestors who vandalize or damage our Federal Courthouse in Portland, or any Federal Buildings in any of our Cities or States, will be prosecuted under our recently re-enacted [[Statues & Monuments Act]]. MINIMUM TEN YEARS IN PRISON. Don’t do it! ** [https://mobile.twitter.com/Oijans/status/1346916360178302978 Tweet] 28 July 2020 * I think she'd be a fine choice, [[Kamala Harris]]. She'd be a fine choice. ** Trump commented on the possibility of Kamala Harris becoming vice president candidate, according to a [https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-marine-one-departure-072920/ White House transcript]. * With Universal Mail-In Voting (not Absentee Voting, which is good), 2020 will be the most INACCURATE & FRAUDULENT Election in history. It will be a great embarrassment to the USA. Delay the Election until people can properly, securely and safely vote??? ** A tweet ({{citation |url=https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1288818160389558273 |title=With Universal Mail-In Voting (not Absentee Voting, which is good), 2020 will be the most INACCURATE & FRAUDULENT Election in history. It will be a great embarrassment to the USA. Delay the Election until people can properly, securely and safely vote??? |date=2020-07-30 |accessdate=2020-07-30 |publisher={{w|Twitter}} |lang=en-US |author=Donald Trump}}) that received substantial attention with many further sources quoting it, such as {{citation |url=https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-53599363 |title=Republicans to Trump: You can't delay 2020 election |date=2020-07-30 |accessdate=2020-07-30 |publisher={{w|BBC}} |lang=en-GB}} * Must know Election results on the night of the Election, not days, months, or even years later! ** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-29 |title=AP FACT CHECK: Trump’s election agitations and distortions |author=Calvin Woodward | periodical=Seattle Times |url=https://www.seattletimes.com/nation-world/ap-fact-check-trumps-election-agitations-and-distortions/}} * Young people are almost immune to this disease. ** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-07-30 |title=Trump says he can't assure school safety amid pandemic: 'Can you assure anybody of anything?' |author=Jessie Hellman | periodical=The Hill |url=https://thehill.com/policy/healthcare/509902-trump-says-he-cant-assure-school-safety-amid-pandemic-can-you-assure}} * The first questions are very easy. The last questions are much more difficult, like a memory question. It's like you go, '''"Person, woman, man, camera, TV"'''. So, they say, "Could you repeat that?" So I said, "Yeah. So it's person, woman, man, camera, TV." Okay. That's very good. If you get it in order, you get extra points. **As quoted by {{citation|date=2020-07-23|title=President Trump Stars in Cognitive Test Part Deux: Person, Woman, Man, Camera, TV|author=Peter Wade|periodical=Rolling Stone|url=https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-news/trump-cognitive-test-person-woman-man-camera-tv-1033002}}, on having been given the {{W|Montreal Cognitive Assessment}}. ====August 2020==== * When you see the Drug Companies taking massive television ads against me, forget what they say (which is false), YOU KNOW THAT DRUG PRICES ARE COMING DOWN, BIG. ** As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-08-02 |title=AP FACT CHECK: Trump hype on drug costs, hydroxychloroquine |author=Hope Yen and Calvin Woodward | periodical=APNEWS |url=https://apnews.com/d7f1d2003aeaa95466e12b875b7b4619}} * They are dying. That's true. And you -- it is what it is. But that doesn't mean we aren't doing everything we can. <b>It's under control as much as you can control it.</b> This is a horrible plague that beset us. ** As quoted by {{citation | author=Stephen Collinson | date=2020-08-03 |title=Trump spinning virus failure as a win again by celebrating 'encouraging' progress | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/08/04/politics/donald-trump-coronavirus-pence-birx/index.html}} * You can take the number of cases and look <b>we're last, meaning we're first</b>. ** Trump was explaining the virus situation, as quoted by {{citation | author=James Walker | date=2020-08-03 |title=5 Takeaways From Trump's Axios Interview | periodical=Newsweek | url=https://www.newsweek.com/five-takeaways-donald-trump-axios-interview-1522596}} * In an <b>illegal late night coup</b>, [[Nevada]]’s clubhouse Governor made it impossible for Republicans to win the state. <b>Post Office could never handle the Traffic of Mail-In Votes without preparation</b>. Using Covid to steal the state. See you in Court! ** As quoted by {{citation | author=Quint Forgey | date=2020-08-03 |title=Trump threatens lawsuit to block mail-in voting in Nevada | periodical=Politico | url=https://www.politico.com/news/2020/08/03/trump-nevada-mail-voting-lawsuit-390878}} * Whether you call it Vote by Mail or Absentee Voting, in Florida the election system is Safe and Secure, Tried and True. Florida's Voting system has been cleaned up (we defeated Democrats attempts at change), so <b>in Florida I encourage all to request a Ballot & Vote by Mail! </b>#MAGA, ** As quoted by {{citation | author=Betsy Klein | date=2020-08-03 |title=In apparent reversal, Trump encourages Floridians to vote by mail | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/08/04/politics/donald-trump-mail-in-voting-florida/index.html}} * There is no way you can go through a mail-in vote without massive cheating. ** As quoted by {{citation | author=Daniel Dale | date=2020-08-03 |title=Jonathan Swan reveals the simple secret to exposing Trump's lies: basic follow-up questions | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/08/04/politics/fact-check-jonathan-swan-axios-hbo-interview-trump-coronavirus/index.html}} * I read a lot. I comprehend extraordinarily well. Probably better than anybody you’ve interviewed in a long time, ** As quoted by {{citation | author=Aaron Rupar | date=2020-08-03 |title=“They are dying. That’s true. It is what it is.” Trump’s Axios interview was a disaster. | periodical=VOX | url=https://www.vox.com/2020/8/4/21354055/trump-axios-interview-jonathan-swan}} * I don't know. I really don't know. I don't know. I don't know John Lewis. He chose not to come to my inauguration. He chose -- I don't -- I never met John Lewis actually, I don't believe. ** Trump was responding to how civil rights icon John Lewis will be remembered, as quoted by {{citation | author=Tyler Olson | date=2020-08-03 |title=Trump withholds praise for John Lewis, notes he 'didn't come to my inauguration'| periodical=Fox News| url=https://www.foxnews.com/politics/trump-john-lewis-inauguration}} * When I took over we didn't even have a test. ** Trump pointed out that in 2017, there was no test for the coronavirus that emerged in 2019, as quoted by {{citation | author=Steve Benen | date=2020-08-03 |title=Trump points to imagined 'manuals' to argue against virus tests | periodical=MSNBC | url=https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/trump-points-imagined-manuals-argue-against-virus-tests-n1235815}} * we have done an incredible job, everything is under control [referring to the United states handling of the [[Covid Pandemic]] ] ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zaaTZkqsaxY interview] by [[w:Jonathan Swan]] of [[w:Axios (website)|Axios]] on [[w:HBO]] * It would seem like it based on the explosion. I met with some of our great generals and they just seem to feel that it was. This was not a — some kind of a manufacturing explosion type of a event. … They seem to think it was a attack. It was a bomb of some kind, yes. ** When asked why he called an explosion in Beirut an attack and not an accident, as quoted by {{citation | author=Darlene Superville/AP | date=2020-08-04 |title=Trump Says Massive Explosion in Beirut Likely an 'Attack' | periodical=Time | url=time.com/5875784/trump-explosion-beirut-attack/}} * '''Q''': (Inaudible) if 160,000 people had died on President Obama's watch, do you think you would have called for his resignation? : '''Trump''': No, I wouldn’t have done that. I think it’s — I think it’s been amazing what we’ve been able to do. If we didn’t close up our country, we would have had one and a half or two million people already dead. We’ve called it right; now we don’t have to close it. We understand the disease. Nobody understood it because nobody has ever seen anything like this. The closest thing is, in 1917, they say — right? The great — the great pandemic certainly was a terrible thing, where they lost, anywhere from 50- to 100 million people. Probably ended the [[Second World War]]; all the soldiers were sick. That was a — that was a terrible situation. And this is highly contagious. This one is highly, highly contagious. No, if I would have listened to a lot of people, we would have kept it open. And, by the way, we keep it open now, all the way. We keep it open. But we would have kept it open and you could be up to a million and a half or two million people right now — one and a half to two million people. Our people have done a fantastic job — our consultants and our doctors. You know, and with disagreements and with a lot of things happening. :* ''[https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-press-briefing-august-10-2020/ Remarks by President Trump in Press Briefing | August 10, 2020]'', issued on: August 11, 2020, ''{{w|whitehouse.gov}}'' :* Note: In October 2014, Donald Trump [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/525431218910027776 tweeted] that U.S. President [[Barack Obama]] should resign because a doctor who had treated [[Ebola]] patients in Guinea returned to the U.S, reported in ''[https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/trump-obama-ebola-tweet/ Did Trump Call for Obama to Resign After Ebola Doctor Returned to U.S.?]'' by David Mikkelson, 15 May 2020, ''{{w|Snopes}}''. And the [[1918 flu pandemic]] lasted from February 1918 to April 1920, years before the [[World War II]] which started in 1939. * If Biden would win, he's going to double, triple, everybody's taxes. ** Quoted by {{citation | author=Daniel Dale, Holmes Lybrand and Tara Subramaniam | date=2020-08-04 |title=Fact Check: At briefings, Trump is settling into a routine of false claims and exaggeration | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/08/12/politics/donald-trump-press-briefing-biden-tax-plan-coronavirus-fact-check/index.html}} * Nasty * Horrible * Person who has told many many stories that weren't true * Extraordinarily nasty * Nasty to a level that was just a horrible thing * Very very nasty to [[Joe Biden]] * Probably nastier even than [[Elizabeth Warren|Pocahontas]] * Meanest, most horrible, most disrespectful of anybody in the U.S. Senate. ** On [[Kamala Harris]], as quoted by {{citation | author=Andrew Solender | date=2020-08-11 | title=Trump Repeatedly Calls Kamala Harris ‘Nasty’ And ‘Horrible’ In White House Briefing | periodical=Forbes | url=https://www.forbes.com/sites/andrewsolender/2020/08/11/trump-repeatedly-calls-kamala-harris-nasty-and-horrible-in-white-house-briefing/#440e0fb54570}} * Europe has experienced a nearly 40% higher excess mortality rate than the United States ** Claimed about the coronavirus, as quoted by {{citation | author=Jessica McDonald | date=2020-08-11 | title=Trump Touts Misleading and Flawed Excess Mortality Statistic | periodical=FactCheck.org | url=https://www.factcheck.org/2020/08/trump-touts-misleading-and-flawed-excess-mortality-statistic/}} * If I don’t win the election, China will own the United States — you will have to learn to speak Chinese! ** Quoted by {{citation | author=Justin Paragona | date=2020-08-12 |title=Trump: If I Lose to Biden, Get Ready to ‘Have to Learn to Speak Chinese’| periodical=Daily Beast | url=https://www.thedailybeast.com/trump-if-i-lose-to-biden-get-ready-to-have-to-learn-to-speak-chinese/}} * So showerheads — you take a shower, the water doesn’t come out. You want to wash your hands, the water doesn’t come out. So what do you do? You just stand there longer or you take a shower longer? Because my hair — I don’t know about you, but it has to be perfect. Perfect. ** Quoted by {{citation | author=Debbie White, Jon Rogers, Fionnuala O'Leary | date=2020-08-12 |title=US proposes change to shower rules after President’s hair-washing complaint | periodical=The SUN | url=https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/12369436/donald-trump-latest-news-live-updates/}} *Now, they need that money in order to make the post office work, so it can take all of these millions and millions of ballots. Now, if we don’t make a deal, that means they don’t get the money. That means they can’t have universal mail-in voting, they just can’t have it. **(August 13, 2020) [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/trump-opposes-funding-usps-bid-block-vote-mail/story?id=72353322 Trump suggests he'd oppose USPS funding to hurt mail-in voting, then says he won't] ''ABC News'' * Leave Democrat cities. Let them rot. ** Retweeted by Trump, as quoted by {{citation | author=James Gordon | date=2020-08-16 |title='Let them rot!': Trump retweets supporter's message calling for Democrat-led cities such as NYC and Chicago to be abandoned - along with a video of protesters threatening drivers in Manhattan | periodical=CNN | url=https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8633677/Let-rot-Trump-retweets-supporters-message-democrat-cities.html}} * [[New Zealand]], by the way, had a big outbreak ** Said about the Covid-19 virus, which at that time had caused the death of a total of 22 persons in New Zealand. Quoted by {{citation | author=Daniel Dale | date=2020-08-18 |title=Fact check: Trump says New Zealand has had a 'big outbreak.' It reported 5 new cases on Thursday | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/08/20/politics/fact-check-trump-new-zealand-outbreak/index.html}} * Don't buy GOODYEAR TIRES - They announced a BAN ON MAGA HATS. Get better tires for far less! (This is what the Radical Left Democrats do. Two can play the same game, and we have to start playing it now!) ** Quoted by {{citation | author=Betsy Klein | date=2020-08-19 |title=Trump 'cancels' Goodyear tires as he campaigns against 'cancel culture' | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/08/19/politics/trump-goodyear-cancel-culture/index.html}} * I don't know much about the movement other than I understand they like me very much, which I appreciate ** Said about the [[QAnon]] group, as quoted by {{citation | author=Kevin Liptak | date=2020-08-20 |title=Trump embraces QAnon conspiracy because 'they like me' | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/08/19/politics/donald-trump-qanon/index.html}} * I see again the forest fires are starting. They’re starting again in California. I said, you gotta clean your floors, you gotta clean your forests — there are many, many years of leaves and broken trees and they’re like, like, so flammable, you touch them and it goes up. Maybe we’re just going to have to make them pay for it because they don’t listen to us. ** Quoted by {{citation | author=Jeremy B. White | date=2020-08-19 |title=Trump blames California for wildfires, tells state 'you gotta clean your floors' | periodical=Politico | url=https://www.politico.com/states/california/story/2020/08/20/trump-blames-california-for-wildfires-tells-state-you-gotta-clean-your-floors-1311059}} * I know nothing about the project other than I didn't like when I read about it, I didn't like it. * I think it's a very sad thing for Mr. Bannon. I didn't know any of the other people, either. ** Trump talked about the private "We build the wall" project, as quoted by {{citation | author=Andrew Kaczynski, Em Steck | date=2020-08-20 |title=Fact check: Trump knows most people involved in private border wall project, despite claiming not to | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/08/20/politics/fact-check-trump-private-border-wall-project/index.html}} * The only way they're gonna win is by a rigged election. I really believe that. I saw the crowd outside. ** Said about Democrats, as quoted by {{citation | author=Daniel Dale | date=2020-08-20 |title=Fact check: Trump delivers blizzard of false claims in Pennsylvania speech attacking Biden | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/08/20/politics/trump-false-claims-pennsylvania-speech-biden-fact-check/index.html}} * We're going to have sheriffs, and we're going to have law enforcement, and we're going to have, hopefully, US attorneys, and we're going to have everybody and attorney generals [sic] ** Trump told about his plan for monitoring and preventing voter fraud, as quoted by {{citation | author=Tara Subramariam | date=2020-08-21 |title=Fact Check: Can the President send law enforcement officers to polling places? | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/08/21/politics/donald-trump-law-enforcement-election-polls-fact-check/index.html}} * The [[deep state]], or whoever, over at the FDA is making it very difficult for drug companies to get people in order to test the vaccines and therapeutics. Obviously, they are hoping to delay the answer until after November 3rd. Must focus on speed, and saving lives ** As quoted by {{citation | author=Hope Yen, Calvin Woodward | date=2020-08-24 |title=AP FACT CHECK: Trump's baseless claim of 'deep state' at FDA| periodical=Pittsburgh Post-Gazette | url=https://www.post-gazette.com/business/powersource/2020/08/24/AP-FACT-CHECK-Trump-s-baseless-claim-of-deep-state-at-FDA/stories/202008240037}} ====September 2020==== * The entire city is ablaze all the time. ** Claimed about Portland, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-09-01 |title=Fact check: Trump makes more false claims about Biden and protests | author=By Daniel Dale, Tara Subramaniam, Holmes Lybrand | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/08/31/politics/trump-kenosha-briefing-fact-check/index.html}} * CNN reported that I had a heart attack. ** Claimed as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-09-03 |title=Even Fox News is choosing not to cover Trump's rallies in full, but his falsehoods are still eye-popping |author=Brian Stelter | periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/09/04/media/donald-trump-pennsylvania-reliable-sources/index.html}} * Hospitalizations and deaths have declined radically over the past week. ** Claimed about the Covid-19 pandemic, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-09-03 |title=Even Fox News is choosing not to cover Trump's rallies in full, but his falsehoods are still eye-popping |author=Brian Stelter | periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/09/04/media/donald-trump-pennsylvania-reliable-sources/index.html}} * The Dow Jones Industrial just closed above 29,000! You are so lucky to have me as your President. With Joe Hiden’ it would crash. ** [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1301249968091455488 Tweet] * Did you ever see a man who likes a mask as much as him? He has it hanging down. Because it gives him a feeling of security. If I were a psychiatrist, right, you know I'd say: 'This guy's got some big issues. Hanging down. Hanging down'. ** Said about President candidate Joe Biden wearing a face mask for protection against Covid-19, as quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-04 |title=Donald Trump mocks Joe Biden for manner of wearing mask | periodical=Independent.ie | url=https://www.independent.ie/videos/donald-trump-mocks-joe-biden-for-manner-of-wearing-mask-39502878.html}} * If it has not been counted, vote -- which is every citizen's right to do -- you go and vote. You press the lever and vote. So if it hasn't been counted, if it doesn't show up, go and vote, and then, if your mail-in ballot arrives after you vote, which it shouldn't but possibly it could perhaps, that ballot will not be used or counted in that your vote has already been cast and tabulated, so this way you're guaranteed to have your vote count. ** Trump suggested voting twice, which is a federal crime, as quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-04 | title=Ignoring warnings from election officials, Trump again suggests supporters should try to vote twice | author= Dianne Gallagher, Caroline Kelly, Marshall Cohen, Brian Rokus | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/09/05/politics/trump-vote-twice-north-carolina/index.html}} * The top people in the [[w:The Pentagon|Pentagon]]... want to do nothing but fight wars so all of those wonderful companies that make the bombs and make the planes and make everything else stay happy ** In front of the [[w:White House|White House]] at a [https://www.trtworld.com/americas/trump-pentagon-chiefs-fighting-wars-to-oblige-arms-companies-39561 US Labor Day news conference on September 7, 2020] * Under [[w:Operation_Warp_Speed|Operation Warp Speed]], we've pioneered groundbreaking therapies, reducing the fatality rate 85% since April. * We're way ahead on the nuclear front. We've upgraded our nuclear. * When reports come out that certain countries don't really like me too much, that's not because of my personality, although it could be that also, frankly. ** Quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-08 | title=The 37 most absurd lines from Donald Trump's Labor Day 'news conference' | author= Chris Cillizza | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/09/08/politics/donald-trump-labor-day-press-conference/index.html}} * The president of the United States calls the shots (Trump says in ~second 50 of video) * If [[Bob Woodward]] thought what I said was bad then he should have immediately, right after I said it, gone out to the authorities so they can prepare, ** Trump was talking about what he told Bob Woodward regarding downplaying the coronavirus threat, as quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-10 | title=Someone needs to remind Donald Trump that Bob Woodward isn't president of the United States | author= Chris Cillizza | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/09/10/politics/trump-bob-woodward-rage/index.html}} * I think there’s probably – possibly – drugs involved ** Claimed about President Candidate Joe Biden, as quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-10 | title=Trump uses Fox News interview to accuse Biden of taking drugs | author= Martin Pengelly | periodical=The Guardian | url=https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2020/sep/12/trump-biden-drugs-fox-news-interview}} * Tell your governor to open up your state ** On September 14, 2020, in front of hundreds of supporters packed together, according to [https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/elections/2020/09/13/donald-trump-latino-voters-las-vegas-ahead-rally/5784501002/ ''Nevada Governor Steve Sisolak says Trump took 'reckless and selfish actions' by holding indoor rally''] * I don't think [[science]] knows, actually. * It'll start getting cooler. You just watch. ** Trump described his stance on [[Scientific consensus on climate change|climate science]] and [[global warming]], as quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-14 | title=Trump baselessly questions climate science during California wildfire briefing | author= Maegan Vazquez | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/09/14/politics/donald-trump-wildfires-briefing-climate-change/index.html}} * Nobody knew the seniors are susceptible ** Claimed about the coronavirus, as quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-16 | title=Fact check: Trump made at least 22 false or misleading claims at ABC town hall | author= Daniel Dale | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/09/16/politics/fact-check-trump-abc-town-hall/index.html}} * We’re on track to deliver and distribute the vaccine in a very, very safe and effective manner. We think we can start sometime in October. So as soon as it is announced, we’ll be able to start. That’ll be from mid-October on. It may be a little bit later than that, but we’ll be all set. ** Quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-16 | title=Trump Again Overstates Speed of COVID-19 Vaccine Rollout | author= Jessica McDonald | periodical=FactCheck.org | url=https://www.factcheck.org/2020/09/trump-again-overstates-speed-of-covid-19-vaccine-rollout/}} * As soon as the FDA approves the vaccine... we’ll be able to distribute 100 million doses by the end of 2020 and a large number much sooner than that ** Quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-16 | title=Trump says U.S. could distribute at least 100 million COVID vaccine doses by end of 2020 | author= Reuters staff | periodical=Reuters| url=https://www.reuters.com/article/healthcoronavirus-trump-vaccine/trump-says-u-s-could-distribute-at-least-100-million-covid-vaccine-doses-by-end-of-2020-idINW1N2FG089}} * You saw what happened in [[Pennsylvania]]. Some state Supreme Court justice just ruled that they can take as long as they want to count the ballots. That means I’ll be leading and winning Pennsylvania like we did last time. Yeah, yeah. We’ll be leading, we’ll be winning Pennsylvania. We’re going to win it easy. ** Quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-16 | title=Trump’s False Statement About Counting Ballots in Pennsylvania | author= Rem Rieder | periodical=FactCheck.org| url=https://www.factcheck.org/2020/09/trumps-false-statement-about-counting-ballots-in-pennsylvania/}} * [[Left-wing politics|Left-wing]] mobs have torn down statues of our founders, desecrated our memorials, and carried out a campaign of [[violence]] and [[Anarchism|anarchy]]. Far-left demonstrators have chanted the words “America was never great.” The left has launched a vicious and violent assault on law enforcement — the universal symbol of the [[rule of law]] in America. These radicals have been aided and abetted by liberal politicians, [[Mainstream media|establishment media]], and even large [[corporations]]. Whether it is the mob on the street, or the cancel culture in the boardroom, the goal is the same: to silence dissent, to scare you out of speaking the truth, and to bully Americans into abandoning their values, their heritage, and their very way of life. ** [https://trumpwhitehouse.archives.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-white-house-conference-american-history/ Remarks by President Trump at the White House Conference on American History] (17 September 2020) * The radicals burning [[Flag of the United States|American flags]] want to burn down the principles enshrined in our founding documents, including the bedrock principle of equal justice under law. In order to radically transform America, they must first cause Americans to lose confidence in who we are, where we came from, and what we believe. As I said at [[Mount Rushmore]] — which they would love to rip down and it rip it down fast, and that’s never going to happen — two months ago, the left-wing cultural revolution is designed to overthrow the [[American Revolution]]. ** [https://trumpwhitehouse.archives.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-white-house-conference-american-history/ Remarks by President Trump at the White House Conference on American History] (17 September 2020) * The left has warped, distorted, and defiled the American story with deceptions, falsehoods, and lies. There is no better example than [[the New York Times]]’ totally discredited 1619 Project. This project rewrites American history to teach our children that we were founded on the principle of oppression, not freedom. Nothing could be further from the truth. America’s founding set in motion the unstoppable chain of events that abolished slavery, secured civil rights, defeated communism and fascism, and built the most fair, equal, and prosperous nation in human history. ** [https://trumpwhitehouse.archives.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-white-house-conference-american-history/ Remarks by President Trump at the White House Conference on American History] (17 September 2020) * Critical race theory, the 1619 Project, and the crusade against American history is toxic propaganda, ideological poison that, if not removed, will dissolve the civic bonds that tie us together. It will destroy our country. ** [https://trumpwhitehouse.archives.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-white-house-conference-american-history/ Remarks by President Trump at the White House Conference on American History] (17 September 2020) *She just died? Wow. I didn't know that. You are telling me now for the first time. She led an amazing life. What else can you say? Whether you agreed or not, she was an amazing woman who led an amazing life. I am actually sad to hear that. **[https://deadline.com/2020/09/donald-trump-ruth-bader-ginsburg-1234579988/ On the death of Ruth Bader Ginsburg] (18 September 2020) * Can you believe it, in one week they nominated me, not for one, but for two Nobel prizes. But you know, you have a president, you love your president, and your president gets honored, because I’m not being honored, you’re being honored with the Nobel Peace Prize, for Israel, what we did with Israel. ** Quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-19 | title=Trump’s Nobel Nonsense | author= Robert Farley | periodical=FactCheck.org| url=https://www.factcheck.org/2020/09/trumps-nobel-nonsense/}} * I’m the only man that got nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize and I didn’t get any press. They wouldn’t. For two of them. Last week, I’m not bragging about it. ** Quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-21 | title=Trump’s Nobel Nonsense | author= Robert Farley | periodical=FactCheck.org| url=https://www.factcheck.org/2020/09/trumps-nobel-nonsense/}} * I said, ‘Shinzo, please do me a favor, we need more car companies. ... We want them built here, not in Japan, please.’ He said, ‘But we cannot do that, this is a free enterprise system.’ I said, ‘... Please, I need some car companies.’ ... I said, ‘Shinzo, you have to do it.’ Next day, it was the story: ‘Five car companies opened up in Michigan.‘ ** Claimed as quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-21 | title=AP FACT CHECK: Trump’s made-up car plants, court revisionism | author= Hope Yen, Calvin Woodward, Tom Krisher | periodical=AP | url=https://apnews.com/ec85b88102464c9651d32b475c01c183}} * I saved it. I put our miners back to work. ** Claimed about the US coal mining industry, as quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-21 | title=Fact check: Trump makes false claims about his record on manufacturing and coal jobs | author= Daniel Dale | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/09/23/politics/fact-check-trump-jobs-manufacturing-coal/index.html}} * Now we know it. It [the coronavirus] affects elderly people, elderly people with heart problems and other problems. If they have other problems. That's what it really affects. That's it. You know, In some states, thousands of people—nobody young. Below the age of 18, like, nobody. They have a strong immune system, who knows? You look...Take your hat off to the young, because they have a hell of an immune system. But it affects virtually nobody. It's an amazing thing. ** Quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-22 | title=Trump Says Coronavirus 'Affects Virtually Nobody,' As U.S. Has World's Highest Death Toll | author= Kashmira Gander | periodical=Newsweek | url=https://www.newsweek.com/trump-covid-virtually-nobody-rally-ohio-1533452}} * The stated goal of BLM people is to achieve the destruction of the nuclear family, abolish the police, abolish prisons, abolish border security, abolish [[capitalism]] and abolish school choice. ** Claimed about the Black Lives Matter movement, as quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-25 | title=Donald Trump launches blistering attack on the Black Lives Matter movement | author= Graeme Massie | periodical=Independent.co.uk | url=https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/donald-trump-rally-today-blm-black-lives-matter-b604727.html}} * Totally fake news ** [https://www.politico.com/news/2020/09/27/trump-calls-nyt-tax-report-totally-fake-news-422330Trump responding] to the NYT report on the alleged tax avoidance by Donald Trump * We’re leading in [[Pennsylvania]]. We’re leading in [[Florida]]. I think we’re leading everywhere. ** Claimed as quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-28 | title=FactChecking Trump’s Weekend Claims | author=Lori Robertson, Robert Farley, Rem Rieder, Eugene Kiely, Jessica McDonald, D'Angelo Gore | periodical=FactCheck.org | url=https://www.factcheck.org/2020/09/factchecking-trumps-weekend-claims/}} * Drug prices will be coming down 80 or 90 percent. * It's a rigged election. ** Claimed as quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-30 | title=Fact check: False claims flood Trump-Biden debate | author=AP staff | periodical=MPR news| url=https://www.mprnews.org/story/2020/09/30/fact-check-false-claims-flood-trumpbiden-debate}} * I read today where at least 1% of the ballots for 2016 were invalidated. They take 'em. 'We don't like 'em. We don't like 'em.' They throw them out, left and right * Take a look at West Virginia, mailmen selling the ballots. They're being sold. * Number two, they cheat. They cheat. Hey, they found ballots in a wastepaper basket three days ago, and they all had the name military ballots -- there were military -- they all had the name Trump on 'em. ** Quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-30 | title=Fact check: Almost every single one of Trump's debate claims about mail-in voting was wrong | author=Daniel Dale, Marshall Cohen | periodical=CNN| url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/09/30/politics/fact-check-trump-first-debate-mail-voting-fraud/index.html}} * [[Steve Jobs]] would not be happy that his wife is wasting money he left her on a failing Radical Left Magazine that is run by a con man (Goldberg) and spews FAKE NEWS & HATE. Call her, write her, let her know how you feel!!! ** [[Trump]] in [https://www.cnn.com/2020/09/06/business/donald-trump-laurene-powell-jobs/?iid=ob_lockedrail_longstory_pool Trump attacks the sixth-richest woman in the world for her ties to] [[w:The Atlantic|The Atlantic]] on September 6, 2020 ====October 2020==== [[File:President Trump Works at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center (50423775191).jpg|thumb|[[Feeling]] really [[good]]! Don’t be [[afraid]] of [[COVID-19 pandemic|Covid]]. [[COVID-19 pandemic in the United States|Don’t let it dominate]] your [[life]]. We have developed, under the [[Presidency of Donald Trump|Trump Administration]], some really great [[drugs]] & [[knowledge]]. I feel better than I did 20 years ago!]] * Tonight, @FLOTUS and I tested positive for [[COVID-19]]. We will begin our quarantine and recovery process immediately. We will get through this TOGETHER! ** [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1311892190680014849 through twitter] on October 1, 2020 * OUR GREAT USA WANTS & NEEDS STIMULUS. WORK TOGETHER AND GET IT DONE. Thank you! ** [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1312449034154504192 via tweet] on October 3, 2020 * If you look at the therapeutics, which I’m taking right now, some of them, and others are coming out soon that are looking like, frankly, they’re miracles, if you want to know the truth, they’re miracles. People criticize me when I say that, but we have things happening that look like they’re miracles, coming down from God. ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-03 |title=Trump’s COVID-19 Misinformation Since Testing Positive | author= Jessica McDonald, Eugene Kiely, Lori Robertson | periodical=FactCheck.org | url=https://www.factcheck.org/2020/10/trumps-covid-19-misinformation-since-testing-positive/}} * I learned a lot about COVID. I learned it by really going to school. This is the real school, this isn’t the let’s-read-a-book school. And I get it and I understand it and it’s a very interesting thing and I’m gonna be letting you know about it. ** Said while being treated in hospital for Covid-19, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-05 |title=Editorial: President Trump’s learn-by-doing approach to COVID-19 | author=LA Times Editorial Board | periodical=LA Times | url=https://www.latimes.com/opinion/story/2020-10-06/trump-covid-school}} * I will be leaving the great Walter Reed Medical Center today at 6:30 P.M. Feeling really good! Don’t be afraid of Covid. Don’t let it dominate your life. We have developed, under the Trump Administration, some really great drugs & knowledge. I feel better than I did 20 years ago! ** [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1313186529058136070 Via twitter] posted 11:37 AM · Oct 5, 2020 * Flu season is coming up! Many people every year, sometimes over 100,000, and despite the Vaccine, die from the Flu. Are we going to close down our Country? No, we have learned to live with it, just like we are learning to live with Covid, in most populations far less lethal!!! ** Claimed in a tweet that was later labeled as misleading and in a Facebook posting that was later deleted by Facebook, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-06 |title=Facebook, Twitter block Trump post that falsely claims coronavirus is less deadly than flu | author=Jessica Bursztynsky | periodical=CNBC | url=https://www.cnbc.com/2020/10/06/facebook-removes-trump-post-falsely-comparing-coronavirus-and-the-flu.html}} * REPEAL [[SECTION 230]]!!! **6 October 2020 [https://x.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1313511340124917760 tweet] about [[w:Section 230|Section 230]] of the United States Communications Decency Act, which allows online platforms to moderate and remove harmful content without being penalized. Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-06 |title=Facebook, Twitter block Trump post that falsely claims coronavirus is less deadly than flu | author=Jessica Bursztynsky | periodical=CNBC | url=https://www.cnbc.com/2020/10/06/facebook-removes-trump-post-falsely-comparing-coronavirus-and-the-flu.html}} *I have instructed my representatives to stop negotiating until after the election when, immediately after I win, we will pass a major Stimulus Bill that focuses on hardworking Americans and Small Business. ** According to [https://www.axios.com/trump-coronavirus-stimulus-negotiations-7d464d0e-924f-46f5-90d2-9e8097c9c8f7.html Trump says he will not negotiate on COVID relief until after election] * We should have the small remaining number of our BRAVE Men and Women serving in Afghanistan home by Christmas! ** Via [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1313984510749544450 tweet] October 7, 2020 * I think this was a blessing from God that I caught it. It was a blessing in disguise. ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-08 |title=Trump returns to Oval Office and says coronavirus diagnosis was 'blessing from God' | author=Kevin Liptak | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/10/07/politics/trump-oval-office-coronavirus/index.html}} * I don’t think I’m contagious at all. ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-08 |title=President Trump says he’s not ‘contagious at all’ days after leaving hospital with coronavirus | author=Will Feuer | periodical=CNBC | url=https://www.cnbc.com/2020/10/08/president-trump-says-hes-not-contagious-at-all-days-after-leaving-hospital-with-coronavirus-.html}} * I'm not going to do a virtual debate. I’m not going to waste my time at a virtual debate. ** Trump commented on the initiative of having the presidential candidates participating from remote locations for the second presidential debate, in view of his Covid-19 infection, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-08 |title=Trump says he will 'not waste my time' with a 'virtual debate' after CPD announces changes | author=Brooke Singman | periodical=Fox News | url=https://www.foxnews.com/politics/second-trump-biden-debate-will-be-virtual-organizers-say}} * Monster .. Communist .. Horrible .. Totally unlikeable ** Trump was referring to Vice President candidate Kamala Harris, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-08 |title=Trump insults Harris as 'a monster' morning after vice presidential debate | author=Elizabeth Thomas | periodical=ABC News | url=https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/trump-insults-harris-monster-morning-vice-presidential-debate/story?id=73498918}} * We want to do a rally in Florida, probably in Florida on Saturday night, might come back and do one in Pennsylvania on the following night. I feel so good!<br>Well, what we’re doing is probably, the test will be tomorrow, and the actual test, because there’s no reason to test all the time, but they found very little infection or virus, if any. I don’t know if they found any, I didn’t go into it greatly with the doctors. ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-08 |title=Coughing Through Hannity Interview, Trump Says He Wants to Do Saturday Rally | author=Justin Baragona | periodical=Daily Beast | url=https://www.thedailybeast.com/trump-coughing-through-hannity-interview-says-he-wants-to-do-saturday-rally}} * Nobody ever even heard of tariffs. They never even heard of tariffs. Nobody. In fact, when I first started doing it, they didn't even know what it meant. ** Claimed about tariffs on imports from China, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-11 |title=Fact check: Trump makes at least 14 false claims in first post-hospital interview on Fox Business | author=Daniel Dale | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/10/08/politics/fact-check-trump-interview-bartiromo-fox-business/index.html}} * I'll walk into that audience. I'll walk in there, I'll kiss everyone in that audience. I'll kiss the guys and the beautiful women and the -- everybody. I'll just give everybody a big, fat kiss. ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-12 |title=Trump mocks virus as he launches potential superspreader sprint to win reelection | author=Stephen Collinson | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/10/13/politics/donald-trump-election-2020-campaign/index.html}} * They say he was born in Scranton, but he left, he left. He abandoned you. ** Trump referred back to when Joe Biden was 10 years old and the family moved from Pennsylvania to Delaware because his father started in a new job, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-14 |title=Fact check: Trump continues dishonesty bombardment at Pennsylvania rally | author=Daniel Dale | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/10/14/politics/fact-check-trump-rally-johnstown-pennsylvania/index.html}} * My plan: we’re gonna crush the virus very quickly. It’s happening already. It’s happening.<br>And Mexico is paying for the wall, by the way. You know that. I’ve been saying it. They hate to hear that. But they’re paying.<br>We passed VA Choice. ** Claimed as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-14 |title=Trump’s lies are getting sillier, stupider, and staler. Last night’s superspreader rally was a doozy | author=Aldous Pennyfarthing | periodical=Daily sound and fury | url=https://dailysoundandfury.com/trumps-lies-are-getting-sillier-stupider-and-staler-last-nights-superspreader-rally-was-a-doozy/}} * I’m OK with masks. I tell people, wear a mask. But just the other day they came out with a statement that 85% of the people that wear masks catch it. ** Claimed about the coronavirus, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-16 |title=FactChecking Trump’s Town Hall | author=Brooks Jackson, Lori Robertson, Robert Farley, Angelo Fichera, Jessica McDonald, Rem Rieder, Katie Busch, Eugene Kiely | periodical=FactCheck.org | url=https://www.factcheck.org/2020/10/factchecking-trumps-town-hall/}} * That was an opinion of somebody and that was a retweet. I’ll put it out there. People can decide for themselves. ** Trump explained why he retweeted a claim that Osama bin Laden’s killing was staged and that members of Navy SEAL Team 6 had been killed to cover it up. Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-16 |title=Column: Trump and Biden town halls showed us two worlds, and only one of them is terrifying | author=Rex Huppke | periodical=Chicago Tribune| url=https://www.chicagotribune.com/columns/rex-huppke/ct-trump-biden-town-hall-qanon-rogers-calm-election-polls-huppke-20201016-3oke7rhwhbdrfcshgbnpqmimbe-story.html}} * When I see thousands of ballots dumped in a garbage can and they happen to have my name on it? I’m not happy about it. ** Claimed as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-17 |title=AP FACT CHECK: Trump sees what others do not in the pandemic | author=Calvin Woodward, Hope Yen | periodical=AP News| url=https://apnews.com/article/election-2020-virus-outbreak-ap-fact-check-donald-trump-technology-a6ddb8360fa9b1ff95acbbc1e03f437e}} * Would you like a nice low-income housing project next to your suburban beautiful ranch style house? Generally speaking, no. I saved your suburbs -- <b>women -- suburban women, you're supposed to love Trump.</b> ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-17 |title=Trump continues bizarre appeals to suburban women as he campaigns in Covid hotspots | author=Maeve Reston| periodical=CNN| url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/10/18/politics/donald-trump-women-gretchen-whitmer/index.html}} * Fauci is a disaster. People are tired of coronavirus. People are tired of hearing Fauci and all these idiots. ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-17 |title=Trump says Americans 'tired of hearing Fauci and all these idiots' discuss Covid | author=Joan E Greve| periodical= The Guardian| url=https://www.theguardian.com/world/2020/oct/19/trump-fauci-idiot-experts-criticism-coronavirus}} * Did you see they found 50,000 ballots in like a river?<br>Even without the vaccine, the pandemic's going to end. It's gonna run its course. It's gonna end. They'll go crazy. He said 'without the vaccine' -- watch, it'll be a headline tomorrow. These people are crazy. No, it's running its course. We're rounding the turn. You see the numbers, and we're rounding the turn.<br>The United States shows more CASES than other countries, which the Lamestream Fake News Media pounces on daily, because it TESTS at such a high (and costly) level.<br>Since the China virus, we have created --- a record in the history of our country -- 11.4 million jobs over just a short period of months.<br>We're now setting records for employment, unemployment. We're setting all sorts of records economically<br>I signed a bill that gives you 10 years in jail if you rip down any federal statue.<br>Mexico is paying for the wall.<br>We gave the greatest -- the biggest tax cut in history. ** Claimed as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-20 |title=Fact-checking Trump's dishonest weekend: The President made at least 66 false or misleading claims in three days | author=Daniel Dale| periodical= CNN| url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/10/19/politics/fact-check-trump-dishonest-weekend-florida-michigan-georgia-wisconsin/index.html}} * <i> (About “phony fake ballots":) </i> How about the ones that were printed without my name on it, right? They had everything on it. They had every race, they had everything. You had the Senate, you had everything, they forgot to put me down. ** Claimed as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-20 |title=Trump Misleads on Ballots Again | author=Lori Robertson| periodical= FactCheck.org| url=https://www.factcheck.org/2020/10/trump-misleads-on-ballots-again/}} * We're not entering a dark winter, we are entering the final turn and the light at the end of the tunnel ** Said on October 23, 2020 According to ''Fox News Sunday with [[Chris Wallace]]'' [https://www.foxnews.com/shows/fox-news-sunday] * We're not supposed to have a socialist — look we're not going to be a socialist nation. <b> We're not going to have a socialist president, especially a female socialist president,</b> we're not gonna have it, we're not gonna put up with it. ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-24 |title=Trump targets Kamala Harris in sexist rant against the Democratic vice-presidential nominee | author=Sarah Al-Arshani| periodical= Business Insider| url=https://www.businessinsider.com/trump-targets-kamala-harris-in-sexist-rant-2020-10?r=US&IR=T}} * We won’t have a president that threatens people with jail for just criticizing him ** On the campaign trail for [[Joe Biden]] in [[https://www.wlrn.org/2020-10-25/obama-hits-campaign-trail-in-south-florida-criticizing-trumps-behavior-as-worse-than-florida-man Obama Hits Campaign Trail In South Florida, Criticizing Trump's Behavior As Worse Than Florida Man] October 25, 2020 * Lock'em all up. ** Said about an undefined group of people, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-26 |title=Fact check: Trump makes at least 16 false or misleading claims to '60 Minutes' | author=Daniel Dale| periodical= CNN| url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/10/25/politics/fact-check-trump-60-minutes-lesley-stahl/index.html}} * If I didn’t have social media, I’d have no way of getting out my voice. ** {{citation |date=2020-10-26 |title=CBS releases footage of Trump walking out of 60 Minutes interview | author=Martin Melam| periodical= The Guardian| url=https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2020/oct/26/cbs-releases-footage-trump-walking-out-60-minutes-interview}} * Big problems and discrepancies with Mail In Ballots all over the USA. Must have final total on November 3rd ** Tweet, labelled as "Misleading", as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-26 |title=Twitter slapped yet another Trump tweet about mail-in voting with a 'misleading' label and stopped other users from retweeting it | author=Isobel Asher Hamilton| periodical=Business Insider| url=https://www.businessinsider.com/twitter-trump-tweet-mail-voting-warning-label-minsinformation-block-retweet-2020-10?r=US&IR=T}} * We’re rounding the turn,our numbers are incredible. ** at a rally on October 26, 2020 according to [https://www.vox.com/21541967/covid-19-record-cases-us-coronavirus-winter-spike-surge 89,000 new Covid-19 cases per day. And the worst may be yet to come.] * COVID COVID COVID.. we are rounding the turn all they want to talk about is COVID by the way on Nov 4 you won't be hearing much more about it..Cases are up because we TEST TEST TEST ** During election campaign in [[w:Allentown, Pennsylvania|Allentown]] ''Trump calls U.S. coronavirus case spike a media ‘conspiracy’'' [https://globalnews.ca/news/7422033/coronavirus-trump-testing-conspiracy-tweet/ video] * The only thing you can do in Pennsylvania is a protest. You can't go to church. You can't pray to your God. You can't be with your pastors, your priests, your rabbis. You can't be -- none of that. You can't do anything ** Claimed as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-27 |title=Fact check: Trump falsely claims Pennsylvanians 'can't go to church' | author=Daniel Dale | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/10/27/politics/trump-false-claim-pennsylvania-cant-go-to-church-fact-check/index.html}} * He’ll bury you in regulations, dismantle your police departments, dissolve our borders, confiscate your guns, terminate religious liberty, destroy your suburbs. * If you vote for Biden, it means no kids in school, no graduations, no weddings, no Thanksgiving, no Christmas and no Fourth of July together ** Claimed about Democrat President Candidate Joe Biden, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-29 |title=With typical hyperbole, Trump paints apocalyptic portrait of life under Biden | author=Darlene Superville | periodical=The Times of Israel | url=https://www.timesofisrael.com/with-typical-hyperbole-trump-paints-apocalyptic-portrait-of-life-under-biden/}} *You know in Germany, if you have a bad heart and you’re ready to die, or if you have cancer and you’re going to be dying soon and you catch Covid, that happens: we mark it down to Covid.<br>You know, our doctors get more money if somebody dies from Covid. You know that, right?<br>I mean our doctors are very smart people. So what they do is, they say, "I’m sorry, but you know everybody dies of Covid."<br>But in Germany and other places, if you have a heart attack, or if you have cancer, you’re terminally ill, you catch Covid, they say you died of cancer, you died of a heart attack.<br>With us? When in doubt, choose Covid.<br>Now, it’s true. Now, they’ll say ‘oh, it’s terrible what he said’, but that’s true. It’s like $2,000 more. **[https://twitter.com/acyn/status/1322244374479040512 30 October 2020] ***Trump's estimate is too high, as [https://twitter.com/ashishkjha/status/1320492597320863751 Ashish Ja states], the bump for documenting Covid ranges from $1600-$2200 which is an average of only $1900 more. ====November 2020==== * We were getting ready to win this election. Frankly, we did win this election. This is a major fraud on our nation. We want the law to be used in a proper manner. So we’ll be going to the U.S. Supreme Court. We want all voting to stop. ** Claimed as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-11-03 |title=U.S. presidency still undecided; Biden opens leads in key Midwestern states | author= Trevor Hunnicutt, Jeff Mason | periodical=Reuters | url=https://www.reuters.com/article/usa-election/us-presidency-still-undecided-biden-opens-leads-in-key-midwestern-states-idUSKBN27J0FZ}} *I WON THIS ELECTION, BY A LOT! **[https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1325099845045071873 7 November 2020] *REPORT: DOMINION DELETED 2.7 MILLION TRUMP VOTES NATIONWIDE. DATA ANALYSIS FINDS 221,000 PENNSYLVANIA VOTES SWITCHED FROM PRESIDENT TRUMP TO BIDEN. 941,000 TRUMP VOTES DELETED. STATES USING DOMINION VOTING SYSTEMS SWITCHED 435,000 VOTES FROM TRUMP TO BIDEN. ** Disputed tweet, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-11-13 |title=AP fact check: Trump tweets a tall tale of 'deleted' votes | author= Ali Swenson, Amanda Seitz | periodical=AP News | url=https://apnews.com/article/election-2020-ap-fact-check-joe-biden-donald-trump-technology-13c104367924b8192b4fcecf334f7806}} *FoxNews and the Fake News Networks aren’t showing these massive gatherings. Instead they have their reporters standing in almost empty streets. We now have SUPPRESSION BY THE PRESS **[https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1327724046595842049 14 November 2020] * The vaccine will be available to the entire general population with the exception of places like New York state where for political reasons the governor decided to say — and I don’t think it’s good politically, I think it’s very bad from a health standpoint — but he wants to take his time with a vaccine. We can’t be delivering it to a state that won’t be giving it to its people immediately. ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-11-30 |title=AP FACT CHECK: Trump distorts on vaccine, state distribution | author= Hope Yen, Laura Neergard, Candice Choi | periodical=AP | url=https://apnews.com/article/ap-fact-check-joe-biden-donald-trump-politics-coronavirus-pandemic-76d1580f82b1586b207990396c1e3b5f}} * Big victory moments ago in the [[Nevada|State of Nevada]]. The all Democrat County Commissioner race, on same ballot as President, just thrown out because of large scale voter discrepancy. Clark County officials do not have confidence in their own election security. Major impact! ** [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1328483862490574849 Tweet] dated November 16, 2020 * I won the Election! ** [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1328334945148952576 Tweet] November 16, 2020, with the warning by twitter: "Multiple sources called this election differently" * The recent statement by / [[w:Chris Krebs|Chris Krebs]] on the security of the [[2020 Election]] was highly inaccurate... Therefore, effective immediately, Chris Krebs has been terminated as Director of the Cybersecurity and Infrastructure Security Agency. ** Trump fires his Director of the Cybersecurity via twitter according to [https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2020/11/17/trump-ousts-homeland-security-chris-krebs-called-election-secure/6276676002/ Trump ousts Homeland Security cyber chief Chris Krebs, who called election secure] published November 18, 2020 * You wouldn’t have vaccine if it weren’t for me, for another four years. ** Claimed, without evidence, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-11-20 |title=Trump Suggests Vaccine Companies Orchestrated Revenge-Filled Conspiracy to Make Him Lose | author= Rachel Olding | periodical=Daily Beast | url=https://www.thedailybeast.com/trump-suggests-vaccine-companies-orchestrated-revenge-filled-conspiracy-to-make-him-lose}} * Don't talk to me that way, you are lightweight. I'm the president of the United States. Don't ever talk to the president that way. **Responding to a reporter's questions at a Thanksgiving press conference in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-election-2020/trump-news-live-twitter-biden-election-b1762621.html Trump news – live: President promises to leave White House before erupting at #DiaperDon Twitter trend (video)] published November 27, 2020 *[[Big Tech]] and the [[Fake News]] Media have partnered to Suppress. [[Freedom of the press|Freedom of the Press]] is gone, a thing of the past. That’s why they refuse to report the real facts and figures of the 2020 Election... ** [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1332349861774155778?s=20 Tweet] posted November 27, 2020 which [[Twitter]] tagged with "This claim about election fraud is disputed" * Biden can only enter the White House as President if he can prove that his ridiculous '80,000,000 votes' were not fraudulently or illegally obtained. When you see what happened in Detroit, [[w:Atlanta|Atlanta]], [[Philadelphia]] & [[w:Milwaukee|Milwaukee]], massive voter fraud, he's got a big unsolvable problem. ** Claimed, without evidence, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-11-28 |title=Trump implies he won't leave the White House unless Biden 'can prove' he won 80 million votes, as the president continues to tweet lies and conspiracy theories about the election | author= Grace Panetta | periodical=Business Insider | url=https://www.businessinsider.com/trump-says-he-wont-leave-white-house-biden-disproves-fraud-2020-11?r=US&IR=T}} * Specific allegations were made, and we have massive proof, in the Pennsylvania case. Some people just don’t want to see it. They want nothing to do with saving our Country. Sad!!! ** [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1332778938121203720 Tweet] posted November 28, 2020 * @FoxNews daytime is virtually unwatchable, especially during the weekends. ** Tweet, quoted by {{citation |date=2020-11-29 |title=Trump tells viewers to watch 'anything else' but Fox News ahead of his 1st interview since Election Day | author= Yelena Dzhanova | periodical=Business Insider | url=https://www.businessinsider.com/trump-calls-fox-news-unwatchable-criticism-newsmax-2020-11?r=US&IR=T}} * We don't have freedom of the press in this country, we have suppression of the press ** In a phone interview with [[Maria Bartiromo]] on [[Fox News]] November 29, 2020 * I came up with vaccines that people didn't think we'd have for five years * We had glitches where they moved thousands of votes from my account to Biden's account * <i> (About the handling of the coronavirus in the US:) </i> We're doing better than the rest of the world ** Claimed, without evidence, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-11-29 |title=Fox News' Maria Bartiromo gave Trump his first TV interview since the election. It was filled with lies | author= Alexis Benveniste | periodical= CNN Business | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/11/29/media/bartiromo-trump-interview/index.html}} * Who needs Democrats when you have Republicans like [[Brian Kemp]] and Doug Ducey? ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-11-30 |title=Arizona Gov. Doug Ducey defends election process after Trump attack | author= Caroline Kelly, Alison Main | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/11/30/politics/doug-ducey-defends-election-arizona-trump/index.html}} ====December 2020==== * Actually, I won [[Wisconsin]]. ** Claimed, without evidence, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-12-05 |title=Fact check: Among baseless claims of rigged election, Trump says he won Wisconsin | author= D.L. Davis, Politifact | periodical=Houston Cronicle | url=https://www.houstonchronicle.com/local/texas-politics/politifact/article/Fact-check-Among-baseless-claims-of-rigged-15794749.php}} * You know we won Georgia, just so you understand. ** Claimed, without evidence, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-12-05 |title=Fact Check: Trump Makes Bogus Swing State Claim During Campaign Stop In Georgia | author= Eugene Kiely | periodical=GA Today | url=https://www.gpb.org/news/2020/12/09/fact-check-trump-makes-bogus-swing-state-claim-during-campaign-stop-in-georgia}} * If I lost, I’d be a very gracious loser. ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-12-06 |title=AP FACT CHECK: Trump floods rally with audacious falsehoods | author= Calvin Woodward | periodical=AP News | url=https://apnews.com/article/fact-check-donald-trump-rally-falsehoods-424834660f894040b55b415aecb2a443}} * RINOS @BrianKempGA, @GeoffDuncanGA, & Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger, will be solely responsible for the potential loss of our two GREAT Senators from Georgia, @sendavidperdue & @KLoeffler. Won’t call a Special Session or check for Signature Verification! People are ANGRY! ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-12-07 |title=Trump Says 'RINOS' Kemp, Raffensperger 'Solely Responsible' If Loeffler, Perdue Lose Election | author= Jeffery Martin | periodical=Newsweek | url=https://www.newsweek.com/trump-says-rinos-kemp-raffensperger-solely-responsible-if-loeffler-perdue-lose-election-1553024}} * The Supreme Court really let us down. No Wisdom, No Courage! ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-12-11 |title='No Wisdom, No Courage!': Trump lashes out at the Supreme Court after it rejected a Texas bid to overturn the election results| author= Kelsey Vlamis | periodical=MSN News | url=https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/other/no-wisdom-no-courage-trump-lashes-out-at-the-supreme-court-after-it-rejected-a-texas-bid-to-overturn-the-election-results/ar-BB1bRIqA}} * WE HAVE JUST BEGUN TO FIGHT!!! ** Tweeted about contesting the 2020 Presidential election result, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-12-11 |title=Trump engages in self-sabotage ahead of historic vaccine rollout | author= Maeve Reston | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/12/13/politics/donald-trump-william-barr-pfizer-vaccine/index.html}} * It's not over. We keep going and we're going to continue to go forward. ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-12-12 |title=Trump tells 'Fox & Friends' election challenges 'not over' ahead of Electoral College vote | author= Ronn Blitzner | periodical=Fox News | url=https://www.foxnews.com/politics/trump-fox-and-friends-election-challenges-not-over-electoral-college-vote}} * Wow! Thousands of people forming in [[Washington, D.C.|Washington (D.C.)]] for [[w:Stop the Steal|Stop the Steal]]. Didn't know about this, but I'll be seeing them! #MAGA ** [https://en.wikinews.org/wiki/Conservative_groups_hold_rally_in_Washington_D.C._claiming_U.S._elections_were_stolen_from_President_Trump Conservative groups hold rally in Washington D.C. claiming U.S. elections were stolen from President Trump]December 15, 2020 * I saved at least 8 Republican Senators, including Mitch, from losing in the last Rigged (for President) Election. Now they (almost all) sit back and watch me fight against a crooked and vicious foe, the Radical Left Democrats. I will NEVER FORGET! ** Disputed [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1342245390540804096 Tweet], 25 December 2020. {{Anchor|Supreme Court totally incompetent}} * The [[Supreme Court of the United States|U.S. Supreme Court]] has been totally incompetent and weak on the massive Election Fraud that took place in the 2020 Presidential Election. We have absolute PROOF, but they don't want to see it - No 'standing', they say. If we have corrupt elections, we have no country! ** Disputed tweet, quoted by {{citation |date=2020-12-26 |title=With less than a month left in office, Trump lashes out at 'totally incompetent' Supreme Court for refusing to overturn his election loss | author= Connor Perrett | periodical=Business Insider | url=https://www.businessinsider.com/trump-supreme-court-totally-incompetent-for-refusing-to-overturn-election-2020-12?r=US&IR=T}} * Weak and tired Republican “leadership” will allow the bad Defense Bill to pass. ** [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1342245390540804096 Tweet], 29 December 2020. * Republican leadership only wants the path of least resistance. Our leaders (not me, of course!) are pathetic. ** Tweet, quoted by {{citation |date=2020-12-29 | title=Trump lashes out at Republicans after they override his veto | author= Zachary B. Wolfe | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/12/29/politics/donald-trump-house-votes/index.html}} ===2021=== {| style="float:center; background:none;border: 1px solid silver;{{Border-radius|35px}}; margin:15px; background-color:#F6F6F6;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122);" |- |<div id="articlecount" style="width:100%; text-align:center; font-size:105%;"> 20 January 2021 [[File:Seal of the President of the United States.svg|20px]] - End of presidency </div> |- |} ====January 2021==== *So, look, all I wanna do, is I wanna find 11,780 votes. **Spoken to Georgia election officials (including Georgia Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger) on January 2, pressuring Secretary of State {{w|Brian Kemp}} to recalculate the [[w:2020 United States presidential election|2020 United States presidential election]] vote in his favor. {{citation |date=2020-01-03 |url=https://www.washingtonpost.com/video/politics/audio-trump-berates-ga-secretary-of-state-urges-him-to-find-votes/2021/01/03/aba64f5f-8c3c-490f-af34-618ccea732d7_video.html |title=Audio: Trump berates Ga. secretary of state, urges him to ‘find’ votes |publisher=''{{w|The Washington Post}}''}} ***[https://www.cnn.com/2021/01/03/politics/trump-brad-raffensperger-phone-call-transcript/index.html full transcript] on CNN * So dead people voted. And I think the number is close to 5,000 people [in Georgia] .. [There] were thousands and thousands of ballots in a box that was not an official or a sealed box.<br>They ran out because of a water-main break. And there was no water main, there was nothing. There was no break.<br>You had out-of-state voters - they voted in Georgia but they were from out of state - of 4,925<br>They're shredding ballots. And you should look at that very carefully. Because that's so illegal.<br>We have not gone through your Dominion [voting machines], so we can't give them blessing. I mean, in other states, we think we found tremendous corruption with Dominion machines... ** {{citation |date=2020-01-03 | author = BBC News Reality Check Team | url=https://www.bbc.com/news/election-us-2020-55529230 |title=Georgia election: Donald Trump's phone call fact-checked |publisher=BBC News}} *One thing we know is you, [[w:Jeffrey A. Rosen|Rosen]], aren't going to do anything to overturn the election ** "[https://www.npr.org/2021/10/07/1044015379/senate-report-details-trumps-efforts-to-use-doj-to-overturn-election-results Senate report details Trump's efforts to use DOJ to overturn election results]" (January 3, 2021) *Rudy, you did a great job. He's got guts. You know what? He's got guts, unlike a lot of people in the Republican Party. He's got guts. He fights, he fights.<br>..<br>Our brightest days are before us, our greatest achievements still wait. I think one of our great achievements will be election security because nobody until I came along, had any idea how corrupt our elections were. And again, most people would stand there at 9:00 in the evening and say, “I want to thank you very much,” and they go off to some other life, but I said, “Something’s wrong here. Something’s really wrong. Can’t have happened.” And we fight. We fight like Hell and if you don’t fight like Hell, you’re not going to have a country anymore.<br>..<br>After this, we’re going to walk down and I’ll be there with you. We’re going to walk down. We’re going to walk down any one you want, but I think right here. We’re going walk down to the Capitol, and we’re going to cheer on our brave senators, and congressmen and women. We’re probably not going to be cheering so much for some of them because you’ll never take back our country with weakness. You have to show strength, and you have to be strong. We have come to demand that Congress do the right thing and only count the electors who have been lawfully slated, lawfully slated. I know that everyone here will soon be marching over to the Capitol building to peacefully and patriotically make your voices heard. Today we will see whether Republicans stand strong for integrity of our elections, but whether or not they stand strong for our country, our country. Our country has been under siege for a long time, far longer than this four-year period.<br>we’re going to walk down Pennsylvania Avenue, I love Pennsylvania Avenue, and we’re going to the Capitol and we’re going to try and give…<br>our Republicans, the weak ones, because the strong ones don’t need any of our help,<br>we’re going to try and give them the kind of pride and boldness that they need to take back our country.<br>So let’s walk down Pennsylvania Avenue. **[https://www.rev.com/blog/transcripts/donald-trump-speech-save-america-rally-transcript-january-6 Save America Rally Speech] on 6 January 2021 * Mike Pence didn’t have the courage to do what should have been done to protect our Country and our Constitution, giving States a chance to certify a corrected set of facts, not the fraudulent or inaccurate ones which they were asked to previously certify. USA demands the truth! **[https://archive.is/jCmfK 11:24am tweet] on 6 January 2021 * So what? ** January 6, 2021, while watching television news coverage of the [[2021 United States Capitol attack]] in the dining room off of the [[w:Oval Office|Oval Office]], upon being informed Vice President [[Mike Pence]] had been moved to a secure location ({{cite news |title=Judge Unseals New Evidence in Federal Election Case Against Trump |newspaper=[[The New York Times]] |first1=Alan |last1=Feuer |first2=Charlie |last2=Savage |date=October 2, 2024 |url=https://www.nytimes.com/2024/10/02/us/politics/trump-jan-6-case-jack-smith-evidence.html}} {{cite news |title=US prosecutors show new details of Trump's bid to overturn election loss |first=Andrew |last=Goudsward |date=October 2, 2024 |url=https://www.reuters.com/world/us/us-prosecutors-detail-evidence-trump-election-subversion-case-2024-10-02/ |agency=[[w:Reuters|Reuters]]}}) *I am asking for everyone at the U.S. Capitol to remain peaceful. No violence! Remember, WE are the Party of law and order – respect the law and our great men and women in blue. Thank you! **[https://archive.is/IvpaU 12:13pm tweet] on 6 January 2021 *We love you. You are very special. **In video in tweet (later deleted) aimed at protestors who entered into the United States Capitol. Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-01-06 | author = Eliza Relman, Oma Seddiq, Jake Lahut | url=https://www.businessinsider.com/trump-video-statement-capitol-rioters-we-love-you-very-special-2021-1?r=US&IR=T |title=Trump tells his violent supporters who stormed the Capitol 'you're very special,' but asks them 'to go home' |publisher=Business Insider}} *To all of my wonderful supporters, I know you are disappointed, but I also want you to know that our incredible journey is just beginning ** video (2;28) from [https://archive.is/o4JN6 4:28pm tweet] posted by [[Ivanka Trump]] on 7 January 2020 *I would like to begin by addressing the heinous attack on the United States Capitol. Like all Americans, I am outraged by the violence, lawlessness, and mayhem. I immediately deployed the National Guard and Federal law enforcement to secure the building and expel the intruders. America is and must always be a nation of law and order. The demonstrators who infiltrated the Capitol have defiled the seat of American democracy. To those who engage in the acts of violence and destruction, you do not represent our country. And to those who broke the law, you will pay.<br>We have just been through an intense election, and emotions are high. But now tempers must be cooled and calm restored. We must get on with the business of America. My campaign vigorously pursued every legal avenue to contest the election results. My only goal was to ensure the integrity of the vote. In so doing, I was fighting to defend American democracy. I continue to strongly believe that we must reform our election laws to verify the identity and eligibility of all voters and to ensure faith and confidence in all future elections. **post-January 6 speech [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/videotaped-remarks-the-attack-the-united-states-capitol-the-certification-the-electoral Videotaped Remarks on the Attack on the United States Capitol, the Certification of the Electoral College Results, and the Transition to a New Administration] on January 7 *To all of those who have asked, I will not be going to the Inauguration on January 20th. **[https://archive.is/tzc2r 7:44am tweet] on 8 January 2021 * His ingenuity, genius, and creativity earned him immense wealth, but his character and philanthropic generosity his great name. Sheldon was also a staunch supporter of our great ally the State of [[Israel]] ** [[President Trump]] in [https://www.npr.org/2021/01/12/693679109/sheldon-adelson-conservative-donor-and-casino-titan-dies-at-87 Sheldon Adelson, Conservative Donor And Casino Titan, Dies At 87] January 12, 2021 * We will be back in some form ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-01-20 | author = Kevin Liptak | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2021/01/20/politics/donald-trump-leaves-white-house/index.html |title=Trump departs Washington a pariah as his era in power ends |publisher=CNN}} ====February 2021==== * The [[Republican Party (United States)|Republican Party]] can never again be respected or strong with political “leaders” like Sen. [[Mitch McConnell]] at its helm. McConnell’s dedication to business as usual, status quo policies, together with his lack of political insight, wisdom, skill, and personality, has rapidly driven him from Majority Leader to Minority Leader, and it will only get worse. The Democrats and [[Chuck Schumer]] play McConnell like a fiddle—they’ve never had it so good—and they want to keep it that way! We know our America First agenda is a winner, not McConnell’s Beltway First agenda or Biden’s America Last. * It was a complete election disaster in Georgia, and certain other swing states. McConnell did nothing, and will never do what needs to be done in order to secure a fair and just electoral system into the future. He doesn’t have what it takes, never did, and never will. * Mitch is a dour, sullen, and unsmiling political hack, and if Republican Senators are going to stay with him, they will not win again. He will never do what needs to be done, or what is right for our Country. ** [https://www.politico.com/f/?id=00000177-ad2a-d713-a777-edee3b100000 Statement by Donald J. Trump, February 16, 2021] ====March 2021==== * Do you miss me yet? Do you miss me? * Mr. McLaughlin just gave me numbers that nobody's ever heard of before, more popular than anybody. That's all of us. It's all of us. * We won the election twice. I mean, you know, think about it ... * But who knows? Who knows? I may even decide to beat them for a third time, OK? For a third time. * This election was rigged. And the Supreme Court and other courts didn't want to do anything about it. * And the only people that should be allowed to vote by mail are people that can be proven to be either very sick or out of the country or military where they can't do it. One day. * And then a Republican president will make a triumphant return to the White House. And I wonder who that will be. I wonder who that will be. Who, who, who will that be, I wonder? ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2021-03-01 | author = Chris Cillizza | title = The 50 most ridiculous lines from Donald Trump's CPAC speech | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2021/03/01/politics/donald-trump-cpac-speech/index.html |publisher=CNN}} * Karl Rove has been losing for years, except for himself. * He's a RINO of the highest order, who came to the Oval Office lobbying for 5G for him and a group. * He's a pompous fool with bad advice and always has an agenda. * If the Republican Party is going to be successful, they're going to have to stop dealing with the likes of Karl Rove and just let him float away, or retire, like Liddle' Bob Corker, Jeff 'Flakey' Flake, and others like Toomey of Pennsylvania, who will soon follow. * 31 million people listened to my CPAC speech online, and it had among the largest television audience of the week, even though it was on cable at 4pm on Sunday afternoon. ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2021-03-05 | author = Chris Cillizza | title = The 17 most outlandish lines from Donald Trump's attack on Karl Rove | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2021/03/05/politics/donald-trump-karl-rove-2020-election/index.html |publisher=CNN}} * I will not be endorsing, under any circumstances, the failed candidate from the great State of Alaska, [[w:Lisa Murkowski|Lisa Murkowski]]. She represents her state badly and her country even worse. I do not know where other people will be next year, but I know where I will be — in Alaska campaigning against a disloyal and very bad Senator. ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2021-03-06 | author = Alex Isenstadt | title = Trump vows to campaign against 'disloyal' Murkowski | url=https://www.politico.com/news/2021/03/06/trump-lisa-murkowski-2022-474028 |publisher=Politico}} * No more money for RINOS. They do nothing but hurt the Republican Party and our great voting base--they will never lead us to Greatness. Send your donation to Save America PAC at DonaldJTrump.com. ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2021-03-10 | author = Michael Warren, Fredreka Schouten, Eric Bradner | title = Trump's clash with GOP over using his name in fundraising ignites midterm worries | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2021/03/10/politics/trump-republican-fundraising-midterms/index.html |publisher=CNN}} * I would recommend it, and I would recommend it to a lot of people that don't want to get it and a lot of those people voted for me, frankly. But again, we have our freedoms and we have to live by that and I agree with that also. But it is a great vaccine. It is a safe vaccine and it is something that works. ** On the COVID-19 vaccine. Quoted by {{citation|date=2021-3-16|author=Meredith McGraw|title=Trump encourages Americans to get the Covid vaccine|publisher=Politico|url=https://www.politico.com/news/2021/03/16/trump-americans-covid-vaccine-476479}} * <i> About the {{w|2021 storming of the United States Capitol}}:</i> It was zero threat, right from the start, it was zero threat. Look, they went in, they shouldn't have done it. Some of them went in, and they are hugging and kissing the police and the guards, you know, they had great relationships. A lot of the people were waved in, and then they walked in and they walked out. ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2021-03-26 | author = Veronica Stracqualursi | title = Trump lies about Capitol riot by claiming his supporters were 'hugging and kissing' cops | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2021/03/26/politics/donald-trump-january-6-rioters-arrests/index.html |publisher=CNN}} * And China, the same thing, they never treated us that way, right? You saw what happened a few days ago, was terrible, and uh, the border is not good, the border is the worst anybody’s ever seen it, and what you see now, multiply it times 10, Jim — he’s the only one I know who would handle the border tougher than me. We have to, and the tough is…in the most humanitarian way, because that’s what it is. What’s happening to the kids, they’re living in squalor, they are living like nobody has ever seen anybody, there’s never been anything like what’s, and you’re gonna have hundreds, and you have it now, they have the airplane photos, the shocks, and they call ’em shocks, and these things are showing thousands and thousands of people coming up from South America and it’s gonna be, it’s just uh, look, it’s a disaster. It’s a humanitarian disaster from their standpoint, and it’s gonna destroy the country, and frankly, the country can’t afford it because you’re talking about massive, just incredibly massive amounts. Our school systems, our hospital systems, everything. ** Wedding toast, quoted by {{citation |date=2021-03-29 | author = Bess Levin | title = Of course Donald Trump crashed a wedding a gave a rambling, incoherent speech about Biden, Iran and China | url=https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2021/03/donald-trump-mar-a-lago-wedding-speech |publisher=Vanity Fair}} * Based on their interviews, I felt it was time to speak up about [[Anthony Fauci|Dr. Fauci]] and Dr. Birx, two self-promoters trying to reinvent history to cover for their bad instincts and faulty recommendations, which I fortunately almost always overturned. They had bad policy decisions that would have left our country open to China and others, closed to reopening our economy, and years away from an approved vaccine — putting millions of lives at risk * Dr. Birx was a terrible medical advisor, which is why I seldom followed her advice. * I only kept Dr. Fauci and Dr. Birx on because they worked for the U.S. government for so long — they are like a bad habit! ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2021-03-29 | author = Benjamin Din | title = Trump lashes out at Fauci and Birx after CNN documentary | url=https://www.politico.com/news/2021/03/29/trump-fauci-birx-cnn-documentary-478422 |publisher=Politico}} * Dr. Birx is a proven liar with very little credibility left. ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2021-03-29 | author = Brett Samuels | title = Trump targets Fauci, Birx in lengthy diatribe | url=https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/545472-trump-targets-fauci-birx-in-lengthy-diatribe |publisher=The Hill}} ====April 2021==== * Happy Easter to ALL, including the Radical Left CRAZIES who rigged our Presidential Election, and want to destroy our Country! ** Quoted by {{citation |date=2021-04-05 | author = Martin Pengelly | title = Who needs Twitter? Trump wishes happy Easter to 'radical left crazies' | url=https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2021/apr/04/trump-wishes-happy-easter-to-radical-left-crazies |publisher=The Guardian}} * I'll give you a little breaking news, [[w:Pfizer|Pfizer]] is in with the FDA. What the FDA did with [[w:Johnson & Johnson|Johnson and Johnson]] is so stupid ** [https://web.archive.org/web/20210627112356/https://www.pharmamanufacturing.com/industrynews/2021/trump-blasts-fda-for-j-and-j-vax-pause-says-pfizer-in-with-the-agency/ TV interview with Sean Hannity] * Getting out of Afghanistan is a wonderful and positive thing to do. I planned to withdraw on May 1st, and we should keep as close to that schedule as possible. ** [https://www.businessinsider.com/trump-biden-afghanistan-pullout-wonderful-and-positive-thing-to-do-2021-4?r=US&IR=T "Trump says Biden's plan to withdraw US troops from Afghanistan is a 'wonderful and positive thing to do'"], Business Insider, 19 April 2021 ====May 2021==== *If a thief robs a jewelry store of all of its diamonds (the 2020 Presidential Election), the diamonds must be returned. **[https://www.donaldjtrump.com/news/statement-by-donald-j-trump-45th-president-of-the-united-states-of-america-05.10.21-4 10 May 2021] *The entire Database of [[Maricopa County]] in Arizona has been DELETED! This is illegal and the Arizona State Senate, who is leading the Forensic Audit, is up in arms. Additionally, seals were broken on the boxes that hold the votes, ballots are missing, and worse. Mark Brnovich, the Attorney General of Arizona, will now be forced to look into this unbelievable Election crime. **[https://www.donaldjtrump.com/desk/desk-4yeh37peju/ 15 May 2021] ====June 2021==== *Congratulations to the country of [[Nigeria]], who just banned [[Twitter]] because they banned [[Muhammadu Buhari|their President]]. More COUNTRIES should ban Twitter and Facebook for not allowing free and open speech — all voices should be heard. [[Mark Zuckerberg|Zuckerberg]] kept calling me and coming to the White House for dinner telling me how great I was. ** [https://www.businessinsider.com/trump-more-countries-should-ban-twitter-facebook-zuckerberg-2021-6] *They may allow me back in two years. We got to stop that. We can’t let it happen. So unfair. They are shutting down an entire group of people. Not just me. They are shutting down the voice of a much more powerful and a much larger group. ** about Facebook banning him, in rally speech [https://deadline.com/2021/06/donald-trump-facebook-mark-zuckerberg-1234770087/] ====July 2021==== *The American people’s birthright of freedom must prevail against [[Big Tech]] and other forces that seek to destroy it. **7 July 2021 [https://www.politico.com/news/2021/07/07/trump-big-tech-lawsuit-498536 Politico, Trump plans class action suit against Twitter, Facebook] *The de facto [[censorship]] arm of the US government. **7 July 2021 [https://www.rt.com/usa/528607-donald-trump-facebook-twitter/ Russia Today] *Many say I am the greatest star-maker of all time. But some of the stars I produced are actually made of garbage. **[https://web.archive.org/web/20210715183933/https://www.donaldjtrump.com/news/statement-by-donald-j-trump-45th-president-of-the-united-states-of-america-07.15.21-06 15 July 2021 on DonaldJTrump.com] ====August 2021==== *There is massive and unconditional evidence that the election was shattered with fraud and irregularities at a level that our Country has never seen before. Much of it is already public, and a great deal more is coming out in the very near future. Every time you read a statement that there is “no evidence of election fraud,” about the 2020 election scam, just attribute that statement to a crooked and collusive media (they work closely together with the Radical Left Democrats) that will do anything to hide the real facts of this election fiasco. **[https://www.donaldjtrump.com/news/news-qvb8wmvsyn0 1 August 2021] *If I were President right now, with COVID raging back, people being shot and killed in record numbers all over our cities, and the Border totally open with criminals and heavily infected COVID people pouring through our Southern Border and into our communities, the Fake News Media would be having an absolute field day. **[https://www.donaldjtrump.com/news/news-kyatp4nd8q0 2 August 2021] * If our soccer team, headed by a radical group of Leftist Maniacs, wasn’t woke, they would have won the Gold Medal instead of the Bronze. * Woke means you lose, everything that is woke goes bad, and our soccer team certainly has. * They should replace the wokesters with Patriots and start winning again. The woman with the purple hair played terribly and spends too much time thinking about Radical Left politics and not doing her job! ** Said about the US women's national soccer team after winning a bronze medal in the Olympic Games in Tokyo, as quoted in [https://amp.theguardian.com/football/2021/aug/05/donald-trump-uswnt-usa-soccer-olympics-bronze-megan-rapinoe-tokyo-2020 "‘Woke means you lose’: Donald Trump rails at USWNT after Olympic bronze"], The Guardian, 5 August 2021 * I have quietly said for years that Mitch McConnell is the most overrated man in politics— now I don't have to be quiet anymore. ** Quoted in [https://www.newsweek.com/trump-calls-mitch-mcconnell-most-overrated-man-politics-ahead-infrastructure-vote-1617944 "Trump Calls Mitch McConnell 'Most Overrated Man in Politics' Ahead of Infrastructure Vote"], Newsweek, 10 August 2021 * I recommend: take the vaccines. I did it. It’s good. Take the vaccines. ** [https://www.cnbc.com/2021/08/22/trump-booed-at-alabama-rally-after-telling-supporters-to-get-vaccinated.html "Trump booed at Alabama rally after telling supporters to get vaccinated"], CNBC, 22 August 2021 ====September 2021==== * If they let you do your job you wouldn’t have crime in New York! * I’ve been given so much support by the people who do what you do. * We love the blue. I’ll say it loud. You know, you’re not supposed to say that. We love the blue. **[https://nypost.com/2021/09/11/trump-makes-surprise-visit-to-new-york-police-and-firefighters/ Trump makes surprise visit to New York police and firefighters on 9/11] * We’re not going to have a country left in three years, I’ll tell you that. ** [https://www.yahoo.com/news/donald-trump-predicts-america-end-002940784.html "Donald Trump Predicts America Will End Within 3 Years"], quoted by David Moye, Yahoo News, 15 September 2021 * [[w:Anthony Gonzalez (politician)|1]] down, 9 to go! ** "[https://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2021/sep/17/trump-celebrates-gonzalezs-exit-1-down-9-go/ Trump celebrates Gonzalez’s exit: ‘1 down, 9 to go!’]" (September 17, 2021) * Everybody will be watching [[Arizona]] tomorrow to see what the highly respected auditors and Arizona State Senate found out regarding the so-called Election! ** "[https://www.politico.com/news/2021/09/24/arizona-review-draft-report-tally-biden-won-514088 GOP-led Arizona election review closely matches Biden's winning margin]" (September 23) * They want to go after me because I have, they think, a big mouth. I don't have a big mouth, you know what I have, I have a mouth that tells the truth. ** [https://www.businessinsider.com/trump-says-has-mouth-tells-truth-while-lying-georgia-rally-2021-9?r=US&IR=T "Trump says he has 'a mouth that tells the truth' while making false statements at Georgia rally"], Insider, 26 September 2021 October 2021 “I wanted to have people be ready because we were put on alert that they were going to do fruit,” Trump said in the October 2021 deposition, according to a transcript of the proceedings. ====October 2021==== * Nobody has done more for [[Christianity]] or for [[evangelicals]] — or for [[religion]] itself — than I have. ** Quoted in [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-claims-nobody-has-done-more-religion-itself-him-1635036 "Donald Trump Claims Nobody Has Done More 'for Religion Itself' Than Him"], Newsweek, 2 October 2021 * the real insurrection happened on November 3rd, the Presidential Election, not on [[January 6th]]—which was a day of protesting the Fake Election results ** [https://www.npr.org/2021/10/06/1043746455/trump-continues-to-lie-says-real-insurrection-happened-when-he-lost-election Trump continues to lie, says 'real insurrection' happened when he lost election]" (October 6, 2021) * [[Republican]] [[Senators]], do not [[vote]] for this terrible deal ([[debt]] limit) being pushed by folding [[Mitch McConnell]]. Stand strong for our Country.  * The [[American]] people are with you! ** In an emailed statement "[https://thehill.com/homenews/senate/575876-trump-urged-gop-senators-to-vote-against-mcconnell-debt-deal Trump urges GOP senators to vote against McConnell debt deal]" (October 7,2021) * If we don't solve the Presidential Election Fraud of 2020 (which we have thoroughly and conclusively documented), Republicans will not be voting in '22 or '24. It is the single most important thing for Republicans to do. ** According to an MSNBC article and a short video "[https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/democrats-finally-have-reason-celebrate-one-trump-s-threats-n1281494 Democrats finally have reason to celebrate one of Trump's threats]" (October 13, 2021) * It’s so sad when you see that they are approving these windmills — worst form of energy, the most expensive. You talk about carbon emissions, well they are making them. More goes into the air than if you ran something for 30 years. * I’m not into golden showers. ** [https://news.yahoo.com/trump-touts-putin-relationship-rails-233840649.html "Trump Touts Putin Relationship, Rails About Wind Energy's 'Carbon Emissions' In Speech"], Yahoo News (October 16 2021) * After years of litigation, I was pleased to have had the opportunity to tell my side of this ridiculous story — Just one more example of baseless harassment of your favorite president ** "[https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-faces-pile-civil-lawsuits-depositions-begin-n1281612 Trump faces a pile of civil lawsuits as depositions begin]" (October 18, 2021) * Wonderful to see [[Colin Powell]], who made big mistakes on Iraq and famously, so-called weapons of mass destruction, be treated in death so beautifully by the Fake News Media. Hope that happens to me someday. He was a classic RINO, if even that, always being the first to attack other Republicans. He made plenty of mistakes, but anyway, may he rest in peace! ** {{cite news|author=Chris Cillizza |url=https://www.cnn.com/2021/10/19/politics/donald-trump-colin-powell-death/index.html |title=Donald Trump (yet again) proves there's no bottom |work=cnn.com|date=October 19, 2021 |accessdate=October 19, 2021}} *We live in a world where the Taliban has a huge presence on Twitter, yet your favorite American president has been silenced **"[https://www.cnbc.com/2021/10/20/trump-announces-social-media-platform-launch-plan-spac-deal.html Trump announces social media platform launch plan, SPAC deal]" (October 20, 2021) *[[Israel]] doesn’t even control [[Congress]] anymore. **29 October 2021 per https://thepostmillennial.com/exclusive-president-donald-j-trump-speaks-to-the-post-millennial ====November 2021==== *RINOs who supported infrastructure bill should be ashamed of themselves **on Sky News Australia [[Youtube]] channel '''[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qZG-D0e8T0A video]''' (November 7, 2021) ====December 2021==== *He was very early. Like earlier than most. I haven’t spoken to him since. Fuck him, **10 December 2021 interview with Barak Ravid about [[Benjamin Netanyahu]] per [https://www.timesofisrael.com/fck-him-in-interview-trump-rages-at-netanyahu-over-congratulations-to-biden/ Times of Israel] * I thought the [[Palestinians]] were impossible, and the [[Israelis]] would do anything to make peace and a deal. I found that not to be true. ** [[Donald Trump]], [https://www.timesofisrael.com/trump-i-thought-israelis-would-do-anything-for-peace-but-found-that-not-to-be-true/ Trump: I thought Israelis would do anything for peace, but found that not to be true], ''Times of Israel'' (11 December 2021) *Bibi did not want to make a deal. Even most recently, when we came up with the maps. Now I don’t know if he didn’t want to make it for political reasons, or for other reasons. I wish he would have said he didn’t want to make a deal, instead of…. Because a lot of people devoted a lot of work. But I don’t think Bibi would have ever made a deal. That’s my opinion. I think the general [Gantz] wanted to make a deal. **11 December 2021 quoted by [https://www.timesofisrael.com/trump-i-thought-israelis-would-do-anything-for-peace-but-found-that-not-to-be-true/ Times of Israel] *There’s people in this country that are Jewish that no longer love Israel.<br>I’ll tell you the Evangelical Christians love Israel more than the Jews in this country.<br>It used to be that Israel had absolute power over Congress and today I think it’s the exact opposite, and I think Obama and Biden did that.<br>And yet in the election, they still get a lot of votes from Jewish people…which tells you that the Jewish people, and I’ve said this for a long time.<br>The Jewish people in the United States either don’t like Israel or don’t care about Israel.<br>I mean, you look at The New York Times, The New York Times hates Israel, hates them, and they’re Jewish people that run The New York Times, I mean the Sulzberger family. **17 December 2021 per [https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2021/12/donald-trump-anti-semitism-jews-israel Vanity Fair] *I think the origins are so obvious. They came out of the Wuhan lab. And I think if anybody thinks anything differently, they’re just kidding themselves. So, you can ask — China has to pay. They have to do something. '''They have to pay reparations'''. And China doesn’t have the money to pay those reparations. I believe that worldwide — I’m not just talking United States — worldwide, '''$60 trillion of damage''', $60 trillion. China doesn’t have $60 trillion. But they have to do something to make up for what they’ve done. What they’ve done to the world is so horrible. It’s been horrible, all over the world. And it doesn’t stop. **[https://www.breitbart.com/clips/2021/12/19/trump-china-must-pay-for-covid-origins-they-have-to-pay-reparations/ 19 December 2021] * <i> About developing vaccines against Covid-19: </i> Look, we did something that was historic, we saved tens of millions of lives worldwide. We, together, all of us, not me. ** [https://edition.cnn.com/2021/12/20/politics/donald-trump-booster-shot-boos/index.html "Trump met with boos after revealing he received Covid-19 booster"], CNN, 21 December 2021 * I came up with a vaccine, with three vaccines. ** [https://thehill.com/policy/healthcare/public-global-health/587079-trump-pushes-back-on-candace-owens-people-arent-dying "Trump pushes back on Candace Owens: 'People aren't dying when they take the vaccine'"], The Hill, 23 December 2021 ===2022=== ====January 2022==== * If you take [[COVID-19 vaccine|the vaccine]], you're protected. Look, the results of the vaccine are very good, and if you do get it, it's a very minor form. People aren't dying when they take the vaccine. ** 6 January 2022, interviewed by [[Candace Owens]], discussing the [[COVID-19 vaccine]]; reported in Bruce Y. Lee, "[https://www.forbes.com/sites/brucelee/2021/12/24/trump-tells-candace-owens-that-covid-19-vaccines-work-one-of-the-greatest-achievements-of-mankind/ Trump Tells Candace Owens That Covid-19 Vaccines Work: 'One Of The Greatest Achievements Of Mankind']", [[Forbes]] (Jan 6, 2022) *I ran twice and we won twice.<br>This crowd is a massive symbol of what took place, because people are hungry for the truth. They want their country back. **15 January 2022 [https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2022/01/trump-arizona-rally-2024-election/621244/ via Elaine Godfrey of The Atlantic] *If I run and if I win, we will treat those people from January sixth fairly. We will treat them fairly.<br>And if it requires pardons, we will give them pardons. Because they are being treated so unfairly. **30 January 2022 [https://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2022/01/hope-go-jail-get-book-thrown-deserve-lindsey-graham-susan-collins-buck-trump-vow-persecute-jan-6ers/ reported by TGP] *Actually, what they are saying, is that Mike Pence did have the right to change the outcome, and they now want to take that right away. Unfortunately, he didn’t exercise that power. '''He could have overturned the election!''' **31 January 2022, at a rally in Conroe Texas, as quoted in “[https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2022/jan/31/donald-trump-mike-pence-overturn-election Quiet part loud: Trump says Pence ‘could have overturned the election’]”, by Martin Pengelly, for ''{{w|The Guardian}}''. ====February 2022==== *I was right and everyone knows it. If there is fraud or large scale irregularities, it would have been appropriate to send those votes back to the legislatures to figure it out. **4 February 2022 per 7 February 2022 report by Reuters [https://www.reuters.com/world/us/pence-says-trump-was-wrong-that-he-could-have-overturned-2020-election-result-2022-02-04/ Pence says Trump was wrong that he could have overturned 2020 election] by Alexandra Ulmer * I went in yesterday and there was a television screen, and I said, 'This is genius.' [[Vladimir Putin|Putin]] declares a big portion of the Ukraine, of [[Ukraine]], Putin declares it as independent. Oh, that's wonderful. So Putin is now saying, 'It's independent,' a large section of Ukraine. I said, 'How smart is that?' And he's going to go in and be a peacekeeper. That's the strongest peace force. We could use that on our southern border. That's the strongest peace force I've ever seen. ... Here's a guy who's very savvy. ... I know him very well. Very, very well. ** Said about the Russian invasion of Ukraine, in an interview at The Clay Travis & Buck Sexton Show, as quoted in [https://edition.cnn.com/2022/02/23/politics/donald-trump-vladimir-putin-joe-biden/index.html "Trump sides with Putin as Biden tries to stop a war"], CNN, 23 February 2022. * They say, 'Trump said Putin's smart.' I mean, he's taking over a country for two dollars' worth of [[Sanction|sanctions]]. I'd say that's pretty smart. He's taking over a country — really a vast, vast location, a great piece of land with a lot of people, and just walking right in. ** [https://edition.cnn.com/2022/02/24/politics/donald-trump-praises-putin/index.html "Why Donald Trump can't stop praising Vladimir Putin"], CNN, 24 February 2022 ====March 2022==== *They laid down the welcome mat and gave Russia the opening, now Putin may be getting everything he wanted, with Ukraine and the rest of the World suffering the consequences. It’s terrible, but this is what you get with Biden, the Democrats, and RINO warmongers! [https://www.donaldjtrump.com/news/news-cxhdzqwssb1663 03/01/22 ] * The vote counter is often more important than the candidate. ** [https://news.yahoo.com/trump-says-gop-needs-tougher-211714688.html "Trump says the GOP needs to get 'tougher' at the ballot box: 'The vote counter is often more important than the candidate'"], yahoo news, 6 March 2022 *Whatever happened to free speech in our Country? Incredibly, but not surprisingly, the Big Tech lunatics have taken down my interview with the very popular NELK Boys so that nobody can watch it or in any way listen to it....In Russia, the people are not allowed to know that they’re fighting a war with Ukraine, that’s where our media is going, and that’s where our Country is going because it quickly follows—just study history.We need freedom of speech again, we don’t have it and it’s getting worse every day! **[https://www.donaldjtrump.com/news/news-tayryvrzzk1694 Statement by Donald J. Trump, 45th President of the United States of America 03/11/22] *She owes me nearly $300,000, Now all I have to do is wait for all of the money she owes me. **[https://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2022/mar/21/donald-trump-crows-liberal-9th-circuit-court-seals/ Trump crows as liberal 9th Circuit seals victory over Stormy Daniels, Michael Avenatti] *I listen to him constantly using the n-word, that’s the n-word, and he’s constantly using it, the nuclear word. They didn’t attack any other countries under us. I’m the only one where that didn’t happen. And with Bush, they took Georgia, and they took Crimea with Biden and Obama. And now he said ‘to hell with it. Let’s take the whole thing'. **[https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-putin-nuclear-n-word-b2040702.html Trump says Putin keeps using the ‘n-word’ meaning ‘nuclear’ as he claims Russian leader is ‘different’ man to one he dealt with] *Single most dangerous time for our country in history... yet you have people like John Kerry worrying about the climate! The climate! Oh, I heard that the other day. Here we are, [Russian President Vladimir Putin is] threatening us [and] he’s worried about the ocean will rise one-hundredth of one percent over the next 300 fucking’ years. **[https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2022/03/28/two-stark-reminders-about-political-challenge-tackling-climate-change/ Two stark reminders about the political challenge of tackling climate change] *The Left has become so extreme that we now have a justice being nominated to the Supreme Court who testified under oath that she could not say what a woman is, And a party that's unwilling to admit that men and women are biologically different in defiance of all scientific and human history, is a party that should not be anywhere near the levers of power in the United States of America. **[https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/watch-single-most-dangerous-time-trump-blasts-climate-change-crt-and-kbj ‘Single most dangerous time’: Trump blasts climate change, CRT, and KBJ] ====April 2022==== *Happy Easter to all including the Radical Left Maniacs who are trying everything to destroy our country May they not succeed, but let them, nevertheless, be happy, healthy, wealthy and well! **[https://news.yahoo.com/biden-trump-release-very-different-202600019.html Yahoo!] *He went out of his way to deceptively edit an interview and got caught. That is a big story, isn’t it? **[https://www.donaldjtrump.com/news/news-hm9chvnk6z0 Donald Trump], [https://www.mediaite.com/tv/listen-trump-releases-audio-to-ending-of-doctored-interview-with-fool-piers-morgan/ mediaite] * I think I’m the most honest human being perhaps that god ever created. ** Claimed at an an event in Selma, North Carolina, on April 10, 2022, referred to in [https://www.thelist.com/829709/donald-trump-just-described-himself-in-a-very-unexpected-way/ "Donald Trump Just Described Himself In A Very Unexpected Way"], ''The List'' (April 12, 2022) * But when I didn’t win the election .. ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0DrQC-oNAeQ Marjorie Taylor Greene & Matt Gaetz NOT HAPPY with Jimmy & Trump FINALLY Admits Defeat] (Apr 11, 2022) (video) * Which would you rather be, a dumb person or a dictator? Perhaps a dictator would be better. I don't want to be a dumb person. ** [https://www.businessinsider.com/trump-rather-be-a-dictator-than-a-dumb-person-video-2022-4?r=US&IR=T Trump says he'd rather be 'a dictator' than 'a dumb person' after bragging about the cognitive test he took in 2018], Business Insider, 22 April 2022 April 2022 Dictor: Okay. And you said that, ‘If you see someone getting ready to throw a tomato, just knock the crap out of them would you.’ That was your statement? Trump: Oh, yeah. It was very dangerous. Dictor: What was very dangerous? Trump: We were threatened. Dictor: With what? Trump: They were going to throw fruit. We were threatened. We had a threat. Dictor: How did you become aware that there was a threat that people were going to throw fruit? Trump: We were told. I thought Secret Service was involved in that, actually. And you get hit with fruit, it’s – no – it’s very violent stuff. We were on alert for that.Trump attorney Jeffrey Goldman: A tomato is a fruit after all, I guess. … It has seeds. Trump: It’s worse than a tomato, it’s other things also. But tomato, when they start doing that stuff, it’s very dangerous. There was an alert out that day. Dictor: Who were you speaking to when you said … Trump: The audience. Dictor: So you were speaking to the audience when you said if they saw someone getting ready to throw a tomato, just knock the crap out of them, would you? Trump: That was to the audience. It was said sort of in jest. Buy maybe, you know, a little truth to it. It’s very dangerous stuff. You can get killed with those things. … I wanted to have people be ready because we were put on alert that they were going to do fruit. And some fruit is a lot worse than – tomatoes are bad by the way. But it’s very dangerous … they were going to hit – they were going to hit very hard. “So I got a little notice, in case you’re seeing these security guys — we have wonderful security guys,” Trump said at the Iowa rally. “They said, ‘Mr. Trump, there may be somebody with tomatoes in the audience.’ So if you see somebody getting ready to throw a tomato, knock the crap out of them, would you? Seriously. Okay?” ====May 2022==== *With rampant and record setting crime, a 42.8% increase over last year was just announced, and every other unimaginable problem, no wonder everyone is leaving the New York State, including businesses left and right. **[https://www.donaldjtrump.com/news/news-sarvcupgsh1991 Save America] * I am not currently in possession of any Trump Organization-issued phones, computers or similar devices. :I believe the last phone or device I was issued by the Trump Organization was a cellphone in 2015. I no longer have the cellphone in my possession and I am not aware of its current location. :Since January 1, 2010, I previously owned two flip phones and a [[w:Samsung|Samsung]] mobile phone. I do not have the two flips [sic] phones in my possession and I do not know their current whereabouts.” :[Samsung] it was taken from me at some point while I was president. I do not have the Samsung in my possession and I do not know its current whereabouts. :* '''[https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2022/may/11/trump-fine-contempt-new-york-letitia-james Trump must pay $110,000 fine to purge contempt, judge says]''' (Wed 11 May 2022 18.53 BST) *[[w:Kathy Barnette | Kathy Barnette]] will never be able to win the general election against the radical left democrats. She has many things in her past which have not been properly explained or vetted, but if she is able to do so, she will have a wonderful future in the Republican Party — and I will be behind her all the way ** [[Trump]] according to [https://www.smerconish.com/exclusive-content/pennsylvania-my-primary-concern Pennsylvania: My Primary Concern] (May 14) =====NRA convention speech (May 27, 2022)===== * The existence of evil in our world is not a reason to disarm law-abiding citizens. The existence of evil is one of the very best reasons to arm law-abiding citizens. * Every time a disturbed or demented person commits a hideous crime there is always a grotesque effort by some in our society to advance their own extreme political agenda. ** Speech at the NRA convention, Houston (May 27, 2022), as cited in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2022/may/28/school-shooting-strengthens-case-for-guns-donald-trump-tells-nra "School shooting strengthens case for guns, Donald Trump tells NRA"] ''The Guardian'' (May 28, 2022) * We need a top-to-bottom security overhaul of schools [...] Every building should have a single entry point. No one should ever be able to get near a classroom until they have been checked, scanned and screened ... Above all, from this day forward, every school in America should have an armed police officer or an armed resources officer on duty at all times. [...] Clearly, we need to make it far easier to confine the violent and mentally deranged into mental institutions. ** Speech at the NRA convention, Houston (May 27, 2022), as cited in [https://www.smh.com.au/world/north-america/after-horror-failure-of-uvalde-massacre-business-as-usual-at-nra-meeting-in-houston-20220528-p5ap7y.html "After horror, failure of Uvalde massacre, business as usual at NRA meeting in Houston"] ''The Sydney Morning Herald'' (May 28, 2022) ==== July 2022 ==== * Warmongering and despicable human being [[Liz Cheney]], who is hated by the great people of Wyoming (down 35!), keeps saying, over and over again, that HER Fake Unselect Committee may recommend CRIMINAL CHARGES against a President of the United States who got more votes than any sitting President in history, ** Said about Republican Congress Member Liz Cheney after she mentioned the possibility of raising criminal charges against Trump for his role in connection with the January 6 attack on the Congress of the United States, quoted in [https://nypost.com/2022/07/04/trump-rips-liz-cheney-after-she-suggests-jan-6-charges/ "Trump rips ‘despicable’ Liz Cheney after she suggests Jan. 6 charges for ex-president"], New York Post, 4 July 2022 * Leon’s, I’ll tell you what, Elon, Elon, is not going to buy Twitter. … He’s got himself a mess. He said the other day, ‘Oh, I’ve never voted for a Republican.’ I said, ‘I didn’t know that. He told me he voted for me.’ So, he’s another bullshit artist. But he’s not going to be buying it. ** Claimed about Elon Musk, who later [[w:Acquisition of Twitter by Elon Musk | bought Twitter]]. Quoted in [https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-news/trump-alaska-rally-elon-musk-1380402/ "Trump Bashes Elon Musk as ‘Bullshit Artist’ at Alaska Rally"], ''Rolling Stone'' (July 9, 2022) * I feel very confident that, if I decide to run, I’ll win. * In my own mind, I’ve already made that decision, so nothing factors in anymore. In my own mind, I’ve already made that decision. * I made America great again, and I may have to do it again. ** [https://nymag.com/intelligencer/article/donald-trump-2024-decision.html "Donald Trump on 2024: ‘I’ve Already Made That Decision’ The only question left in the former president’s mind is when he’ll announce"], Intelligencer, 14 July 2022 ==== September 2022 ==== * J.D. is kissing my ass he wants my support so bad. ** Said about [[w:J. D. Vance|James David Vance]], Republican Senate candidate for Ohio, quoted in [https://edition.cnn.com/2022/09/19/politics/donald-trump-jd-vance-ohio-rally/index.html "Donald Trump humiliated J.D. Vance for fun"], CNN, 20 September 2022 * If you're the president of the United States, you can declassify just by saying it's declassified, even by thinking about it, because you're sending it to Mar-a-Lago or to wherever you're sending it. And there doesn't have to be a process. There can be a process, but it doesn't have to be. ** [https://www.baynews9.com/fl/tampa/politics/2022/09/22/trump--presidents-can-declassify-files-by--thinking-about-it- "Trump: Presidents can declassify files by 'thinking about it'"], Bay News 9, 22 September 2022 ==== October 2022 ==== * They actually taunted him, if you really look at it. Our country, and our so-called leadership, taunted Putin. I said, you know, they're almost forcing him to go in with what they're saying. The rhetoric was so dumb. ** [https://www.newsweek.com/trump-blames-us-almost-forcing-putin-invade-ukraine-1750145/ Trump Blames U.S. for 'Almost Forcing' Putin to Invade Ukraine], Newsweek, 8 October 2022 ==== November 2022 ==== * We're winning big, big, big in the [[Republican Party]] for the nomination like nobody's ever seen before :There it is, Trump at 71 [percent]. [[Ron DeSanctimonious]] at 10 percent. [[Mike Pence]] at 7 — oh, Mike Pence doing better than I thought​. :* [https://nypost.com/2022/11/06/trump-mocks-desantis-as-ron-desanctimonious/ Pompeo jumps to defend DeSantis after Trump's 'Ron DeSanctimonious' comments] (By Mark Moore November 6, 2022 1:41pm Updated) *The Absentee Ballot situation in Detroit is REALLY BAD.<br>People are showing up to Vote only to be told 'sorry, you have already voted.'<br>This is happening in large numbers, elsewhere as well.<br>Protest, Protest, Protest! **8 November 2022 [https://truthsocial.com/embed/109309832870332871 post on TruthSocia] later [https://twitter.com/JocelynBenson/status/1590079320302968832 quoted via screenshot in tweet] by [[Jocelyn Benson]] which was [https://www.yahoo.com/now/trump-amplifies-nonsense-claims-voter-212425641.html quoted by Yahoo News] * Well, I think if they win, I should get all the credit. And if they lose, I should not be blamed at all, OK, but it’ll probably be just the opposite. :* [https://www.nytimes.com/2022/11/09/us/politics/trump-endorsements-midterms-gop.html Trump Hoped for a Celebration but Did Not Have Much to Cheer] (By By Michael C. Bender and Maggie Haberman November 9, 2022, 2:33 a.m. ET) * [[Ron DeSantis|Ron DeSanctimonious]] is playing games! The Fake News asks him if he's going to run if President Trump runs, and he says, 'I'm only focused on the Governor's race, I'm not looking into the future.' Well, in terms of loyalty and class, that's really not the right answer. ** Adam Carlson, Jay O'Brien, and Katherine Faulders, [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/trump-takes-aim-ron-desantis-suggesting-2024-rival/story?id=93084111 Trump takes aim at Ron DeSantis, suggesting he's a 2024 rival], ''ABC News'' (November 10, 2022). *He shows up with 3 people, two of which I didn’t know, the other a political person who I haven’t seen in years,” the former president wrote on Truth Social. “Fake News went CRAZY!” **29 November 2022 on Truth Social (per [https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-news/donald-trump-kanye-west-nick-fuentes-mar-a-lago-dinner-1234638552/ this article] by Charisma Madarang of Rolling Stone) after [[Kanye West]] showed up for dinner with Boeing employee Jamal and [[Nick Fuentes]] (the two unknowns) and [[Karen Giorno]] (an aide from Trump's 2016 campaign) in a meeting arranged by [[Milo Yiannopoulos]] (who did not attend) via Karen ====December 2022==== * People have been treated unconstitutionally in my opinion and very, very unfairly, and we’re going to get to the bottom of it. ** Comments made concerning rioters involved in the [[2021 United States Capitol attack]] during a fund raising speech cited in [https://edition.cnn.com/2022/12/02/politics/donald-trump-january-6-rioters-support/index.html "Trump expresses support for Capitol rioters as he continues to embrace extremist groups"] ''CNN Politics'' (December 2, 2022) * Do you throw the Presidential Election Results of 2020 OUT and declare the RIGHTFUL WINNER, or do you have a NEW ELECTION? A Massive Fraud of this type and magnitude allows for the termination of all rules, regulations, and articles, even those found in the Constitution. ** cited in [https://edition.cnn.com/2022/12/03/politics/trump-constitution-truth-social/index.html "Trump calls for the termination of the Constitution in Truth Social post"] ''CNN Politics'' (December 4, 2022) * Merry Christmas to EVERYONE, including the Radical Left Marxists that are trying to destroy our Country, the Federal Bureau of Investigation that is illegally coercing & paying Social and LameStream Media to push for a mentally disabled Democrat over the Brilliant, Clairvoyant, and USA LOVING Donald J. Trump, and, of course, the Department of Injustice, which appointed a Special "Prosecutor", who, together with his wife and family, HATES "Trump" more than any other person on Earth. * I had almost nothing to do with January 6th. ** [https://news.yahoo.com/donald-trumps-merry-christmas-message-132006918.html "Donald Trump's 'Merry Christmas' Message Is A Grievance-Filled Lump Of Coal"], Yahoo News, 25 December 2022 ===2023=== ====January 2023==== *So an out-of-control wild man kills beautiful Ashli Babbitt, a true Patriot, who was the only one killed on January 6th.<br>Her mother goes to protest her death and memory, and they arrest her mother.<br>Something has to be done about these [[Communism|Communists]] and [[Marxism|Marxists]] that are taking over and destroying our Country.<br>Pray for Ashli, and her wonderful, brave mother! **8 January 2023 [https://gab.com/realdonaldtrump/posts/109655572118634418 gab] *The [[left-wing]] [[gender]] [[insanity]] being pushed on our children is an act of child abuse—very simple. **31 January 2023 [https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-news/trump-attacks-transgender-rights-video-1234671967/ per Rolling Stone] ====February 2023==== * Rihanna gave, without question, the single worst Halftime Show in Super Bowl history—This after insulting far more than half of our Nation, which is already in serious DECLINE, with her foul and insulting language. Also, so much for her ‘Stylist!’ ** [https://www.vanityfair.com/style/2023/02/donald-trump-rihanna-super-bowl-halftime-performance-epic-fail-truth-social "Donald Trump Calls Rihanna's Super Bowl Halftime Performance an 'Epic Fail'"], Vanity Fair, 13 February 2023 ====March 2023==== =====CPAC keynote speech (March 4, 2023)===== <small>CPAC keynote address in National Harbor, Maryland, on March 4, 2023, reported in {{cite web|url=https://www.newsweek.com/five-key-moments-donald-trump-cpac-speech-1785586 |title=Five Key Moments from Donald Trump's Crucial CPAC Speech|first1=Khaleda|last1=Rahman|publisher=Newsweek|date=March 5, 2023}}</small> * I'm the only candidate who can make this promise: I will prevent, and very easily, World War III. * We are never going back to a party that wants to give unlimited money to fight foreign endless wars but demands we cut veteran benefits and retirement benefits at home. * We’re not going back to people that want to destroy our great Social Security system – even some in our own party; I wonder who that might be – who want to raise the minimum age of Social Security to 70, 75 or even 80 in some cases, and who are out to cut Medicare to a level that will be unrecognizable * In 2016, I declared: I am your voice. Today, I add: I am your warrior. I am your justice. And for those who have been wronged and betrayed: I am your retribution. * I will totally obliterate the deep state. I will fire the unelected bureaucrats and shadow forces who have weaponized our justice system like it has never been weaponized before. And I will put the people back in charge of this country again. *This is the final battle – they know it, I know it, you know it, everybody knows it. Either they win, or we win. And I promise you this: If you put me back in the White House, their reign will be over, and America will be a free nation once again. *'''Before I even arrive''' at the Oval Office, I will have the disastrous war between Russia and Ukraine settled.<br>I will get the problem solved.<br>And I will get it solved in rapid order and ''''it will take me no longer than one day''', I know exactly what to say to each of them, I got along very well with Putin. **the [https://www.cnn.com/2023/03/04/politics/trump-cpac-speech/index.html March 4th] speech was referenced when this was quoted [https://www.cnn.com/2023/03/07/politics/trump-desantis-ukraine-2024-campaign/index.html March 7th] by Stephen Collinson in a CNN analysis ***Trump later reuses the phrase "before I even arrive at the Oval Office" in [[#June 2024]] in Philadelphia ====April 2023==== *Republicans in Congress should defund the DOJ and FBI until they come to their senses. The Democrats have totally weaponized law enforcement in our country and are viciously using this abuse of power to interfere with our already under siege elections! **[https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/congress/donald-trump-calls-defunding-federal-police-arrest-new-york-rcna78301 Donald Trump calls for defunding federal police after his arrest in New York] ''Truth Social'' (April 5, 2023) =====NRA convention speech (April 14, 2023)===== * Our country has been chock full of guns for centuries, and there was no talk of [[w:School shooting|massacres of schoolchildren]] until around the year 2000. That's what it really started. They started talking about it. '''This is not a gun problem.''' This is a mental health problem. This is a social problem. This is a cultural problem. This is a spiritual problem. * I will ask Congress to repeal totally ineffective legislation that makes it harder to protect our schools and easier for criminals to face absolutely no opposition when they go in. I will also create a new tax credit to reimburse any teacher for the full costs of a concealed carry firearm and training from highly qualified experts. Who's better? Who's better? '''If even 5% of teachers, people that are skilled with arms, we want that. 5% were voluntarily armed and trained to stop active shooters. We would achieve effective deterrence and the problem would cease to exist.''' ** From a [[National Rifle Association|NRA]] convention speech in Indianapolis (April 14, 2023), cited in [https://newsroom.ap.org/editorial-photos-videos/detail?itemid=97388003ab4443938dba616244ea0117 "Trump calls for arming teachers at NRA convention"] ''AP Newsroom'' (April 15, 2023) * [T]he only way to stop these wicked actions is to '''ensure that any sicko who would shoot up a school knows that within seconds, not minutes, they will face certain death.''' ** Speech at the NRA convention, Indianapolis (April 14, 2023), cited in [https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2023/04/14/trump-pence-nra-2024/ "Trump, in legal peril, draws cheers at NRA convention; Pence draws boos"] ''The Washington Post'' (April 14, 2023) ====May 2023==== *They’re dying, Russians and Ukrainians. '''I want them to stop dying.''' And I’ll have that done — '''I’ll have that done in 24 hours''' **May 2023 at a CNN Town Hall, quoted in [https://apnews.com/article/trump-russia-ukraine-war-un-election-a78ecb843af452b8dda1d52d137ca893 2 July 2024 article by Edith M. Lederer for AP News] ==== June 2023 ==== [[File:"TOP SECRET SCI" (Top Secret Sensitive Compartmented Information) cover sheets - from, Classified intelligence material found during search of Mar-a-Lago (cropped).jpg|thumb|I AM AN [[Innocence|INNOCENT]] MAN!]] * I have been [[Federal prosecution of Donald Trump|summoned to appear at the Federal Courthouse]] in [[Miami]] on Tuesday, at 3 PM. I never thought it [[possible]] that such a thing could happen to a former [[President of the United States]], who received far more [[votes]] than any sitting President in the History of our Country, and is currently leading, by far, all Candidates, both [[Democrat]] and [[Republican]], in Polls of the [[2024 United States presidential election|2024 Presidential Election]]. I AM AN [[Innocence|INNOCENT]] MAN! ** Web posting, reported in [https://www.local10.com/news/local/2023/06/08/trump-told-to-appear-in-miami-after-indictment-by-federal-grand-jury-abc-reporting/ "Trump told to appear in Miami after indictment by federal grand jury, ABC reporting" in ''WPLG Local 10'' (8 June 2023)] *'''This is the final battle'''. With you at my side, we will demolish the deep state. expel the warmongers from our government. We will drive out the globalists. We will cast out the Communists, Marxists, and Fascists, and we will throw off the sick political class that hates our country. We will rout the fake news media, and we will defeat crooked Joe Biden. We will liberate America from these villains once and for all. **[https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2023/06/trump-lists-all-the-villains-he-plans-to-destroy-in-a-second-term Trump told the audience at the Oakland County Republican Party’s Lincoln Day Dinner] *For three years, Biden and his radical left allies have waged war on American auto workers in his ridiculous crusade to force everyone into electric cars, ridiculous regulations kill more than half of US auto jobs and decimate the suppliers that they decimated already, decimate the suppliers and it’s going to decimate your jobs. **[https://www.telegraph.co.uk/world-news/2023/06/26/donald-trump-accuses-joe-biden-environmental-extremism/ Telegraph] , [https://www.candgnews.com/news/trump-headlines-oakland-county-republican-party-lincoln-day-dinner-2796 Trump headlines Oakland County Republican Party Lincoln Day Dinner] ====July 2023==== *“Is it Crooked Joe and his wonderful son, Hunter? Release the findings, release the tapes. We can’t have a crackhead in charge of our Nuclear Arsenal!! **[https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-hunter-biden-cocaine-justice-department-b2373556.html] *… He’s totally compromised...I don’t like doing the same word for two people. We’re using the word crooked for Joe Biden because Joe Biden is the most crooked president in the history. **[https://www.republicworld.com/world-news/us-news/trump-says-he-was-very-kind-to-biden-then-tells-us-president-gloves-are-off-articleshow.html republicworld] *We have potential for a war outside of Ukraine - Russia. We should have kept Bagram because Bagram is one of the largest military bases in the world cost us billions of dollars to build forget about Afghanistan, it's one hour away from where China is building their nuclear weapons. **[https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Ct2Vl-NO6Og] [https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OL8NDU16Ex8] [https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TZvpAqhMwdg] *If China takes Taiwan they will turn the world off potentially. **[https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Ct2Vl-NO6Og] [https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OL8NDU16Ex8] [https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TZvpAqhMwdg] *Millions of illegal aliens have stormed across our borders. It is an invasion, like a military invasion. Our rights and liberties are being torn to shreds,Your country is being turned into a third-world hellhole, run by censors, perverts, criminals, and thugs.” **[https://nationalpost.com/news/world/trump-u-s-is-being-turned-into-a-third-world-hellhole-run-by-perverts-and-thugs criminals and perverts] *America is tired of being ruled by radical bureaucrats in Washington the Bidens, the Clintons, the Obamas, the Radical Left Democrats, the Marxists – guys like Paul Ryan and Karl Rove. Their reign will be over, and it will be over quickly, and America will be a free nation once again. **speech [https://www.rsbnetwork.com/news/trump-says-hes-the-only-candidate-that-cant-be-owned-or-controlled/] * Think of this. We give them everything, including military protection and trade, and now we have to pay them to go there. As President I will not allow this, will end very quickly. **“U.S. CITIZENS WILL HAVE TO PAY FOR A VISA TO TRAVEL TO EUROPE STARTING IN 2024.” [https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110776705512999901] *Gloves are off.Under crooked Joe Biden. I never called him that. I took the name away from Hillary Clinton. We call her beautiful Hillary now.Now it's crooked Joe, because it's a much more appropriate name right now for this man who's just destroying our country. **rally [https://www.newsmax.com/newsmax-tv/donald-trump-july-4-south-carolina/2023/07/01/id/1125653/] *As part of my plan to obtain total independence from China, we will phase in tariffs and import restrictions to bring back production of all essential medicines to the United States of America where they belong. I signed an executive order to begin this process in 2020 but Biden has shamefully failed to follow through. He wants it ended. He wants to take care of China. *[https://www.rsbnetwork.com/news/trump-promises-to-return-production-of-cancer-drugs-essential-medicines-to-u-s/] *They don’t go after the people who cheated in the election, they only go after the people who report on, or question the cheating if you don't have strong borders you don't have a country, right now we don't have a country. **[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110781850689911246] *Trumpism or America first is very simple low taxes and regulations , the most powerful military , tariffs on countries taking advantage, protection of section amendment , great healthcare , low energy prices, parental power on school boards, life , strong borders. **[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110781828901024566] *I expect nothing from the meeting with my lawyers and the lunatics in the DOJ regarding January 6th. They just want to interfere with the Presidential Election on 2024. It is their new form of cheating, but we will win !!! How can deranged Jack Smith bring a case on January 6th., as ridiculous as it is anyway, when I have already won such a case, and been fully acquitted, in the U.S. Senate? In other words, I was Impeached on this, and won!!! **[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110793264554684917] [https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110793284091097891] ====August 2023==== *These monsters, all controlled and coordinated by the DOJ and Radical Left Lunatics, are Criminalizing Political Speech, a total SHUTDOWN OF DEMOCRACY! **Truth Social Post 6:28 PM on August 15, 2023.[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110895990420845351] *CROOKED JOE BIDEN IS TOTALLY CONTROLLED BY CHINA, UKRAINE, & VARIOUS OTHER COUNTRIES. THEY KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM - ALL OF HIS MISDEEDS. HE IS A COMPROMISED PRESIDENT WHO IS LEADING OUR COUNTRY TO HELL. HE IS A MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE! **Truth Social Post 6:20 PM on August 15, 2023.[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110895877441671196] *I believe we have a compromised president. He was bribed, and now he’s being blackmailed. He’s a Manchurian Candidate. That’s why Crooked Joe is letting other countries walk all over the United States. **Truth Social Post on August 15, 2023.[https://links.truthsocial.com/link/110895072887935769] *IMPOSSIBLE to get a fair trial in Washington, D.C., which is over 95% anti-Trump, & for which I have called for a Federal TAKEOVER in order to bring our Capital back to Greatness. It is now a high crime embarrassment to our Nation and, indeed, the World **https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110823476578708544 *I AM NOW GOING TO WASHINGTON, D.C., TO BE ARRESTED FOR HAVING CHALLENGED A CORRUPT, RIGGED, & STOLEN ELECTION. IT IS A GREAT HONOR, BECAUSE I AM BEING ARRESTED FOR YOU. Biden and his family steal Millions and Millions of Dollars, including BRIBES from foreign countries, and I’m headed to D.C. to be ARRESTED for protesting a CROOKED ELECTION. UNFAIR VENUE, UNFAIR JUDGE. We are a Nation in Decline. **https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110826519469646840 https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110826840688757163 *CONSIDERING THE FACT THAT I HAD TO FLY TO A FILTHY, DIRTY, FALLING APART, & VERY UNSAFE WASHINGTON, D.C., TODAY, & THAT I WAS THEN ARRESTED BY MY POLITICAL OPPONENT, WHO IS LOSING BADLY TO ME IN THE POLLS, CROOKED JOE BIDEN, IT WAS A VERY GOOD DAY! **https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110828062805817649 *A very sad day for America, and it was also very sad driving through Washington, D.C., and seeing the filth and decay and all of the broken buildings and walls and the graffiti. This is not the place that I left. It’s a very sad thing to see it. **https://www.rsbnetwork.com/news/trump-tells-reporters-if-you-cant-beat-him-you-persecute-him-or-you-prosecute-him/ *They’re trying to make it illegal to question the results of a bad election…But only a party that cheats in elections would try to make it illegal, on Election Day 2024, we’re going to evict Crooked Joe Biden from the White House…We’re going to expel the criminals and thugs from the halls of power in Washington, D.C. **[https://www.rsbnetwork.com/news/trump-draws-biggest-crowd-ever-to-alabama-gop-dinner/ Alabama] *We are NOT a free nation, We don’t have a free press. We have a corrupt press. *[https://www.rsbnetwork.com/news/trump-the-tables-must-turn-and-we-will-quickly-destroy-the-deep-state/ Alabama] *OUR HIGHLY PARTISAN, AND VERY CORRUPT, DEPARTMENT OF INJUSTICE, COULD HAVE BROUGHT THIS BIDIN “OPPONENT” CASE YEARS AGO, BUT CHOSE TO WAIT AND BRING IT RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF MY ELECTION CAMPAIGN. NO WAY!!! I HOPE YOU ARE WATCHING AMERICA. OUR COUNTRY IS BEING DESTROYED. **https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110842856814664717 *This will be the single biggest and most important election in the history of our country - maybe in the history of the WORLD. **https://truthsocial.com/@RSBN/posts/110840001623943794 *The “shocking and totally unexpected” loss by the U.S. Women’s Soccer Team to Sweden is fully emblematic of what is happening to the our once great Nation under Crooked Joe Biden. Many of our players were openly hostile to America - No other country behaved in such a manner, or even close. WOKE EQUALS FAILURE. Nice shot Megan, the USA is going to Hell!! *https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110845290114601452 *WHAT THE DEPARTMENT OF INJUSTICE IS DOING TO ME IS THE SAME THING DONE BY THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES ALL OVER THE WORLD, BUT IT WILL NOT WORK. **https://www.rsbnetwork.com/news/trump-explains-why-he-should-not-have-a-protective-order-placed-on-him-by-deranged-jack-smith/ *Let’s see! My political Opponent, Crooked Joe Biden, tells Merrick Garland and the DOJ to indict and arrest me on bogus charges and accusations, trying desperately to steal the Election. But that wasn’t enough! He now wants Thug Prosecutor, Deranged Jack Smith, to file for a Court Order taking away my first amendment rights, SPEECH. So, based on yet another Radical Left Hoax, I’ll be the only “Politician” in American history not allowed to SPEAK. THE NEVER ENDING WITCH HUNT CONTINUES. **https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110852063479466833 *They just found a letter from Crooked Joe Biden directly to Keven Archer. Oh well, so much for “Joe” not knowing anything about all of the money he extorted. At some point the LameStream Media will have to cover this story, perhaps the biggest scandal in U.S. history. When they do, our Country will start to heal! **https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110850107581995665 *HOW CAN MY CORRUPT POLITICAL OPPONENT PUT ME ON TRIAL(S) DURING A CAMPAIGN THAT I AM WINNING (BY A LOT!), BUT FORCING ME TO SPEND TIME AND MONEY AWAY FROM THE “CAMPAIGN TRAIL” IN ORDER TO FIGHT BOGUS ACCUSATIONS & CHARGES? IS THIS GOING TO BE THE FUTURE OF ELECTIONS IN AMERICA? CAN A PRESIDENT ORDER HIS DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE TO INDICT AN OPPONENT JUST PRIOR TO AN ELECTION? **https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110849582956879248 *Just found out that Crooked Joe Biden’s DOJ secretly attacked my Twitter account, making it a point not to let me know about this major “hit” on my civil rights. My Political Opponent is going CRAZY trying to infringe on my Campaign for President. Nothing like this has ever happened before. Does the First Amendment still exist? Did Deranged Jack Smith tell the Unselects to DESTROY & DELETE all evidence? **https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110860965885418709 *It’s not like the State or Country is coming down on me. It’s a dishonest politician and his gang of Thugs breaking the law in order to get re-elected. **https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110859441854770499 *So now that I have full Subpoena Power because of the Freedom of Speech Sham Indictment by Crooked Joe Biden, Deranged Jack Smith, and the DOJ, it has just been reported that the Unselect January 6th Committee of Political Hacks and Thugs has illegally destroyed their Records and Documents. This is unthinkable, and the Fake Political Indictment against me must be immediately withdrawn. The system is Rigged & Corrupt, very much like the Presidential Election of 2020. We are a Nation in Decline. **https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110857162338915853 *Thousands of veterans were put on secret medial wait lists and many of them were left to die, All of that changed when WE arrived at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. **https://www.rsbnetwork.com/news/trump-lays-out-exemplary-agenda-that-will-restore-hope-and-care-to-americas-veterans/ *Whenever more Biden corruption is exposed his henchmen charge me with a crime. **https://truthsocial.com/@RSBN/posts/110855681234356104 *I think that Crooked Joe Biden is not only dumb and incompetent, I believe he has gone MAD, a stark raving Lunatic, with his HORRIBLE AND COUNTRY THREATENING ENVIRONMENTAL, OPEN BORDERS, & DOJ/FBI WEAPONIZATION POLICIES. HE IS A MENTAL CATASTROPHE THAT IS LEADING OUR COUNTRY TO HELL!What Crooked Joe Biden, who can’t string two sentences together, has done to our once great Country through his Open Borders CATASTROPHE, may go down as the greatest and most damaging mistake ever made in USA HISTORY. It is not even believable that such incompetence and stupidity could have been allowed to happen. OUR COUNTRY IS BEING DESTROYED BY A MAN WITH THE MIND, IDEAS, AND I.Q. OF A FIRST GRADER. THIS INVASION OF OUR COUNTRY MUST STOP IMMEDIATELY. IT CANNOT BE ALLOWED TO CONTINUE! **https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110865224814637476 https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110865185229848140 *The Fake Indictments against me didn’t come down from heaven, they came from the most corrupt President in the history of the United States, Crooked Joe Biden, in order to Rig & Steal another Election. **[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110867274500411944] *Why is “Phoney” (Like in PERFECT “PHONE” CALL, get it?) Fani Willis, the severely underperforming D.A. of Fulton County who is being accused of having an “affair” with a Gang Member of a group that she is prosecuting, leaking my name in regard to a Grand Jury pertaining to Election Fraud & Irregularities that I say took place in Georgia. I made a PERFECT PHONE CALL OF PROTEST. What does Phoney Fani have to do with me? She should instead focus on the record number of murders in Atlanta! **https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/110882230702522121 *The only Election Interference that took place in Fulton County, Georgia, was done by those that Rigged and Stole the Election, not by me, who simply complained that the Election was Rigged and Stolen. We have Massive and Conclusive Proof, if the Grand Jury would like to see it. Unfortunately, the publicity seeking D.A. isn’t interested in Justice, or this evidence. Also, as in Manhattan, the corrupt DOJ is pushing hard trying to keep Biden in Office. The whole system is dishonest and broken! **https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/110882321735123573 *To say no comment is oftentimes fine, but to be smiling when you say it, especially again such a tragedy as this, is absolutely horrible and unacceptable, Our government was not prepared. And very importantly, the aftermath is going very poorly with the governor of the island wanting to do nothing but blame it on global warming, and other things that just happen to pop into his head. **https://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/4152554-trump-bidens-response-to-maui-fires-disgraceful/ *“Hey, I’m running against a guy, I’m going to Indict him 3 or 4 times to keep him busy.” Does anyone think that Crooked Joe Biden would have said something like this??? **https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110914172490735501 *David Rivkin, a highly respected Constitutional law scholar, just clearly stated that I have “Constitutionally-based immunity” and “absolute immunity! **https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110918895000463495 *Why should Crooked Joe Biden be able to force me into the time and expense of trials, especially before the Election, on bogus claims pushed by his chief political supporter, The Department of Injustice? What a horrible precedent this sets for future Presidential campaigns. Crooked Joe Biden’s only campaign strategy is Indicting me, going on extended vacations, and Sleep, Sleep, Sleep!!! **https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110918860464876718 https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110918173717605996 *I easily won the Great State of Georgia in 2016, did a fantastic job, as President, for Georgia and the entire USA, received 10 Million more votes than I got, nationwide, in 2016, got by far the most votes in history for a sitting President, but shockingly, “LOST” Georgia. All this despite winning nearby Alabama and South Carolina in Record Setting Landslides. Why did Georgia officials agree to, and sign, the one sided Consent Decree? Does anybody really believe I lost Georgia? I DON’T! **https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110916681777676824 ====September 2023==== *MINORITY VOTERS ARE ABANDONING CROOKED JOE BIDEN & THE DEMOCRAT PARTY FOR “TRUMP.” THANK YOU, A VERY WISE DECISION! **https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/1110151303435539041 *It is all a shadow of its former self. Ukraine, Inflation, Bad Economy, Woke Military, No World Standing, No Respect, and today, 6 Billion Dollars for hostages. Where is the call from Republicans for the 25th Amendment. **Truth social *Can you believe that Crooked Joe Biden is giving $6 Billion to the terrorist regime in Iran? That money be used for terrorism all over the Middle East, and, indeed, the World. This incompetent FOOL is absolutely destroying America He had the audacity to announce this terrible deal today, September 11th. To pay for hostages will lead to kidnapping, ransom, and blackmail against Americans across the globe So, lets get this straight! We did a hostage TRADE with Iran. We gave them 5 very tough, smart people that they desperately wanted. We likewise got back 5 people BUT, we also gave them 6 BILLION DOLLARS! How much of a kickback does Crooked Joe Biden get Does anyone realize how much money 6 Billion Dollars is? When I was President, I got back 58 hostages for ZERO money. Remember Pastor Brunson? It sets a TERRIBLE precedent. Republicans, call out the 25th Amendment, NOW! Biden is INCOMPETENT **https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/4199317-trump-rips-biden-for-release-of-6b-in-iranian-funds/ *Early in the administration Education department will be closing . we spend more money on education than any other country yet we are bottom of every list. **[https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=ojRde4zCYd0 Truth social] *Biden’s job killing EV mandate has dictated that nearly seven percent of all cars sold in the US must be fully electric in less than 10 years. Crooked Joe Biden is back like a wretched old vulture. **[https://www.rsbnetwork.com/news/trump-crooked-joe-biden-is-back-like-a-wretched-old-vulture-trying-to-finish-off-his-prey/] *[[Mark Milley]], who led perhaps the most embarrassing moment in American history with his grossly incompetent implementation of the withdrawal from Afghanistan, costing many lives, leaving behind hundreds of American citizens, and handing over BILLIONS of dollars of the finest military equipment ever made, will be leaving the military next week. This will be a time for all citizens of the USA to celebrate! This guy turned out to be a Woke train wreck who, if the Fake News reporting is correct, was actually dealing with China to give them a heads up on the thinking of the President of the United States. This is an act so egregious that, in times gone by, the punishment would have been DEATH! A war between China and the United States could have been the result of this treasonous act. To be continued!!! **[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/111111513207332826 Truth social] * Nobody has any idea where these people are coming from. And we know they come from prisons. We know they come from mental institutions, insane asylums. We know they're terrorists. Nobody has seen anything like we're witnessing right now. It is a very sad thing for our country. It's poisoning the blood of our country. It's so bad. ** ''The National Pulse'' interview, quoted in {{cite web |date=2023-10-17 |title=Trump - "Migrants Poisoning the Blood of Our Country" |work=Meidas Touch |url=https://www.meidastouch.com/:section/trump-migrants-poisoning-the-blood-of-our-country }} ====October 2023==== *We will immediately stop all of the pillaging and theft. Very simply: If you rob a store, you can fully expect to be shot as you are leaving that store... Shot! The word that they shoot you will get out within minutes and our nation, in one day, will be an entirely different place. There must be retribution for theft and destruction and the ruination of our country **2 October 2023 in [https://nypost.com/2023/10/02/trump-calls-for-shoplifters-to-be-shot-to-save-the-nation/ NY Post] *I had a wonderful life before all this stuff. I '''didn't know what a grand jury was''', I didn't know what a subpoena, '''what is a subpoena'''? I had a wonderful life. **5 October 2023 in [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1uPUfVrb74&t=842s spoken interview] * lowlife with a very small brain and a very big mouth * by far the dumbest of my military people * incapable of doing a good job * It was too much for him, and I couldn’t stand the guy, so I fired him like a ‘dog’ ** Claimed about John Kelly, retired U.S. Marine Corps general, former Chief of Staff for Donald Trump, and before that US Homeland Security Secretary, quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2023/oct/05/donald-trump-john-kelly-comments-military-veterans "‘Lowlife with small brain and big mouth’: Trump hits out at ex-aide Kelly"], ''The Guardian'' (October 5, 2023) * There’s a man, Viktor Orbán, did anyone ever hear of him? He’s probably, like, one of the strongest leaders anywhere in the world. He’s the leader of Turkey. **24 October 2023 in [https://www.politico.eu/article/trump-confuses-turkish-and-hungarian-leaders-orban-erdogan/ "Trump praises Hungary’s ‘Viktor Orbán’ as great ‘leader of Turkey’"], ''Politico'' ==== November 2023 ==== * We pledge to you that we will root out the Communists, Marxists, Fascists, and Radical Left Thugs that live like vermin within the confines of our Country, lie, steal, and cheat on Elections, and will do anything possible, whether legally or illegally, to destroy America, and the American Dream. The threat from outside forces is far less sinister, dangerous, and grave, than the threat from within. Despite the hatred and anger of the Radical Left Lunatics who want to destroy our Country, we will MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN! ** [https://www.thenation.com/article/politics/donald-trump-fascist-vermin/ "The “Is Donald Trump a Fascist?” Debate Has Been Ended—by Donald Trump"], ''The Nation'' (November 14, 2023) ====December 2023==== *: ''Sean Hannity:'' Under no circumstances, you are promising America tonight, you would never abuse power as retribution against anybody? *:''Donald Trump:'' Except for day one. *: ''Sean Hannity:'' Except for— *: ''Donald Trump:'' ''[aside to audience, pointing at Sean]'' He's doing great. ''[to Sean]'' Except for day one. I want to close the border and I want to drill, drill, drill. * We love this guy. He says, "You’re not going to be a dictator, are ya?" I said: "No, no, no, other than day one. We're closing the border, and we're drilling, drilling, drilling. After that, I'm not a dictator." **5 December 2023 in Davenport, Iowa town hall, quoted in {{cite news |date=2023-12-05 |title=Trump to Hannity on Whether He’ll Abuse Power as President: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ |periodical=Rolling Stone |url=https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-news/donald-trump-hannity-iowa-town-hall-1234917385/ }} * They let — I think the real number is 15, 16 million people into our country. When they do that, we got a lot of work to do.<br>They're poisoning the '''blood of our country''', that's what they've done.<br>They poison mental institutions and prisons all over the world, not just in South America, not just to three or four countries that we think about, but all over the world. They're coming into our country from Africa, from Asia, all over the world. **16 December 2023 in Durham, New Hampshire rally, quoted in {{cite news |date=2023-12-17 |title=Trump says immigrants are 'poisoning the blood of our country.' Biden campaign likens comments to Hitler. |periodical=NBC News |url=https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2024-election/trump-says-immigrants-are-poisoning-blood-country-biden-campaign-liken-rcna130141 }} *ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION IS POISONING THE '''BLOOD OF OUR NATION''' **17 December 2023 per [https://www.the-independent.com/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-poisoning-blood-quote-fascism-b2465618.html Alex Woodward article in The Independent] on Trumps TruthSocial account after leaving New Hampshire ===2024=== ====January 2024==== *Even if you vote and then pass away, it's worth it. **14 January 2024 per [https://www.businessinsider.com/donald-trump-worth-it-sick-vote-iowa-caucus-pass-away-2024-1 Business Insider] and [https://edition.cnn.com/videos/politics/2024/01/15/donald-trump-vote-pass-away-iowa-caucus-vpx.cnn CNN] *“We’re going to place strong protections to stop banks and regulators from trying to debank you from your—our political beliefs what they do. They want to debank you. We’re going to debank—think of this. They want to take away your country. Electric cars... They wanna take away your rights. They wanna take away your country. The things they’re doing. All [[Electric vehicles|electric cars]]. Give me a break. If you want an electric car, great. But they don’t go far. They’re very expensive. They gotta be made in China. That’s why I think I’m gonna get the autoworkers to vote for Trump. You know, we’re having great, great talks. But think of what they wanna do. They wanna take away your rights.” **17 January 2024 at a campaign rally in New Hampshire, reported by several sources.<ref name="evdb">{{Cite web |website={{w|The Daily Beast}} |date=2024-01-21 |accessdate=2024-01-21 |title=We Need an Interpreter to Work Out Trump’s ‘Debanking’ Rant |department=The New Abnormal |url=https://www.thedailybeast.com/donald-trumps-debanking-rant-in-new-hampshire-and-electric-cars-makes-no-sense}}</ref><ref name="evmed">{{Cite web |url=https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/huh-trump-declares-they-wanna-de-bank-you-and-we-re-going-to-de-bank/ar-AA1n9KYV |title=Huh? Trump Declares, ‘They Wanna De-Bank You and We’re Going to De-Bank’ |first=Michael |last=Luciano |date=2024-01-18 |accessdate=2024-01-21 |website={{w|Mediaite}}}}</ref> * There is a great man, a great leader in Europe — [[Viktor Orbán|Viktor Orban]] [...] He is the Prime Minister of [[Hungary]]. He is a very great leader, a very strong man. Some people don't like him because he's too strong. **20 January 2024 at a rally in Manchester, New Hampshire, as cited in [https://news.yahoo.com/trump-hails-hungarian-pm-orban-162500247.html "Trump hails Hungarian PM Orban as 'great leader' and 'strong man'], ''Yahoo! News,'' reproduced from The New Voice of Ukraine (21 January 2024) * We have become a drug infested, crime ridden nation which is incapable of solvin’ even the sollest smallest problem. The simplest of problems, we can no longer solve. We can’t do anything. We are an institute in a powerful death penalty. We will put this on. ** [https://www.indy100.com/video/donald-trump-incoherent-sentence-video "Trump utter's incoherent sentence about US not solving 'sollest smallest problem'"], ''Indy 100'' (January 23, 2024) *You know, I had an uncle. He's the longest-serving professor, Doctor John Trump, in the history of MIT, with same genes—we have genes, we're smart people, we're smart people... We're like race—Mr. Lieutenant Governor—we're like racehorses, too. You know, the fast ones produce the fast ones, and the slow ones doesn't work out so well, right? But we're no different in that sense. ** [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-migrants-bad-genes-1965004 January 2024] ====March 2024==== *There's a lot of good and there's a lot of bad with TikTok, but the thing I don't like is that without TikTok, you're going to make Facebook bigger, and I consider Facebook to be an enemy of the people, along with a lot of the media. I'm not looking to make Facebook double the size. I think Facebook has been very bad for our country. **11 March 2024 per [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/trump-reversal-tiktok-ban-says-facebook-enemy-of-people/ CBS article by Jacob Rosen] * They call it BleachBit, but it’s essentially acid that will destroy everything, you know, within ten miles. **13 March 2024 about a computer software program, quoted in [https://www.thedailybeast.com/trump-still-seems-to-think-hillary-clinton-used-acid-to-delete-emails "Trump STILL Seems to Think Hillary Clinton Used Acid to Delete Emails"], ''The Daily Beast'' * People who are coming from parts unknown, countries that you’ve never heard of. Languages that nobody in this country speaks. We don’t even have teachers of some of these languages. Who would think that we have languages that are like from the planet Mars? Nobody, nobody, knows how to, you know, speak it. **25 March 2024 [https://www.huffpost.com/entry/donald-trump-out-of-this-world-claim_n_65e6de3ee4b0170871fb9275 "Donald Trump Dragged To The Moon Over New Interplanetary Dog Whistle"], ''Huffington Post'' ====April 2024==== *I called [Bill Bar] him ‘Weak, Slow Moving, Lethargic, Gutless, and Lazy,Based on the fact that I greatly appreciate his wholehearted Endorsement, I am removing the word ‘Lethargic’ from my statement. **25 April 2024 per [https://web.archive.org/web/20240426044532/https://gazette.com/news/wex/bill-barr-endorses-trump-despite-past-criticism/article_1c59037c-c234-5540-be2e-8a5e59bf3ad9.html archive of The Gazette] ====May 2024==== *These people are running a Gestapo administration,And it’s the only thing they have. And it’s the only way they’re going to win in their opinion. Once I got indicted, I said well, now the gloves have to come off,If you care too much, you tend to choke. And in a way, I don’t care. It’s just you know, life is life. **4 May 2024 per [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-biden-administration-gestapo-private-donor-event-rcna150743 NBC writers] Burns/Brooks/Sonnier/Gomez/Terkel * We will make [[America]] ''[[powerful]]'' again. <br /> We will make America ''[[wealthy]]'' again. <br /> We will make America ''[[strong]]'' again. <br /> We will make America [[proud]] again. <br /> We will make America ''[[safe]]'' again. <br /> ''We will make America [[great]] again!'' ** [https://www.instagram.com/realdonaldtrump/reel/C7Z3M8Kudxd/?hl=en Presidential campaign slogans, Bronx, NY (25 May 2024)] * If he wins, our country is going to be destroyed. * He’s a demented tyrant. ** Claimed about President of the United States of America Joe Biden, quoted in [https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2024/05/politics-fear-itself-trump-maga/678311/ "The Politics of Fear Itself"], ''The Atlantic'' (May 7, 2024) * Our cities are choking to death. Our states are dying. And frankly, our country is dying. ** [https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2024/05/politics-fear-itself-trump-maga/678311/ "The Politics of Fear Itself"], ''The Atlantic'' (May 7, 2024) *I have been indicted more than the great Al Capone, on bullshit. **11 May 2024 per [https://www.insidernj.com/trump-delusionary-in-new-jersey/ InsiderNJ] writer Max Pizarro * Has anyone ever seen ''[[The Silence of the Lambs (film)|The Silence of the Lambs]]''? The late, great Hannibal Lecter. He's a wonderful man. He oftentimes would have a friend for dinner. **11 May 2024 from a speech in Wildwood, N.J. per [https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2024/05/13/trump-hannibal-lecter-immigration/ Washington Post], as cited 16 May 2024 in [https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/16/opinion/donald-trump-hannibal-lecter.html "When Donald Trump Met Hannibal Lecter"], ''The New York Times'' *I know we won (Minnesota) in 2020. We've got to be careful. We've got to watch those votes. ** 17 May 2024 during an address to the Minnesota Republican Party's annual Lincoln-Reagan Dinner in St. Paul per [https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/elections/2024/05/18/donald-trump-minnesota-election/73747544007/ Donald Trump falsely tells supporters he won Minnesota in 2020], ''USA Today'' *'''Before I even arrive at the Oval Office''', shortly after we win the presidency, I will have the horrible war between Russia and Ukraine settled, and we will restore, as we had just four years ago, peace through strength. They respected our country and they respected your President. **18 May 2024 in Dallas, Texas in [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sgl06asFsXc speech to NRA aired on Fox], transcribed [https://www.rev.com/blog/transcripts/donald-trump-speaks-at-nra-convention 20 May 2024] ***Trump had previously used the "before I even arrive at the Oval Office" phrase in [[#May 2023]] and would again use it in Philadelphia the following month in [[#June 2024]] *And if you vote for me, on Day One, I will commute the sentence of [[Ross Ulbricht]] **20 May 2024 (Saturday night) at Libertarian National Convention, reported in [https://www.politico.com/news/2024/05/25/trump-commute-ross-ulbricht-sentence-libertarian-convention-00160025 25 May 2024 article] by Peter Shaefer of Politico *It boiled down to something that was very beautiful, the way it happened, and I got along with him very well.<br>He respected me, I respected him.<br>Very smart guy, very strong guy **28 May 2024 about Kim Jong-Un, dictator in North Korea, cited in [https://newrepublic.com/post/181993/trump-brags-beautiful-relationship-cruel-dictator-kim-jong-un "Watch: Trump’s Disgusting Praise for “Beautiful” Bond with Kim Jong Un"], ''New Republic'' *We have a country that’s in big trouble, but this was a rigged decision right from day one, with a conflicted judge who should have never been allowed to try this case, And we’ll keep fighting we’ll fight till the end and we’ll win because our country has gone to hell. We don’t have the same country anymore. We have a divided mess. We’re a nation in decline, serious decline, millions and millions of people pouring into our country right now, from prisons and from mental institutions terrorists, and they’re taking over our country, real verdict would come in November. **30 May 2024 from [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/donald-trump-reaction-guilty-verdict-new-york-criminal-trial/ Melissa Quinn of CBS] and [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/donald-trump-jury-reaction-hush-money-trial-b2554187.html Ariana Baio of The Independent] * Our witnesses were literally crucified by this man who looks like an angel, but he is really a devil. **31 May 2024 [https://x.com/Acyn/status/1796560554359996767 tweet by Acyn] shows footage of Trump saying this about Judge [[Juan Merchan]], after Trump was found guilty in concealing payment of hush money to adult film performer Stormy Daniels, cited in [https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/trump-ridiculed-over-literally-crucified-trial-witness-claim_uk_665c277be4b00474bee95ad7 "Social Media Mocks Trump's Claim That Trial Witnesses Were 'Literally Crucified'"], ''Huffington Post'' (June 02, 2024) ====June 2024==== *Don’t forget, if it weren’t me, they’d be going after somebody else. And I know a lot of the competition, They wouldn’t be doing so well right now. They’d be saying, ‘Mommy, take me home, I want to go home. **2 June 2024 cited in [https://www.politico.com/news/2024/06/02/trump-biden-heat-2024-elections-00161168 Politico article] by Mia McCarthy *Wouldn't it be terrible to throw the President's wife and the former Secretary of State into jail? Wouldn't that be a terrible thing? But they wanna do it! It's a terrible, terrible, path that they're leading us to & it's very possible that it's going to have to happen to them. **5 June 2024 per [https://www.newsnationnow.com/politics/trump-suggests-political-opponents-could-face-prosecution/ NewsNationNow article] by Brett Samuels of The Hill *[<i>Rachel Campos-Duffy:</i>] Would you declassify the 9/11 files?<br>[<i>Donald Trump:</i>] Yeah.<br>[<i>Campos-Duffy:</i>] Would you declassify the JFK files?<br>[<i>Trump:</i>] Yeah. I did a lot of it.<br>[<i>Campos-Duffy:</i>] Would you declassify the Epstein files?<br>[<i>Trump:</i>] Yeah. Yeah, I would. I guess I would. I think that less so because, you know, you don't know — you don't want to affect people's lives if it's phony stuff in there, because it's a lot of phony stuff with that whole world. **During an appearance on Fox & Friends Weekend, quoted in [https://www.hindustantimes.com/world-news/us-news/donald-trump-panics-when-asked-if-hed-declassify-epstein-documents-netizens-wonder-what-is-he-afraid-of-101717671792541.html Donald Trump ‘panics’ when asked if he'd declassify Epstein documents, netizens wonder ‘what is he afraid of?’] ''Hindustan Times'' (June 6, 2024)[https://www.rev.com/transcripts/donald-trump-interview-on-the-will-cain-show] *Those J6 warriors — they were warriors — but they were really, more than anything else, they’re victims of what happened... All they were doing is protesting a rigged election. That’s what they were doing. **9 June 2024 [https://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/4713140-trump-calls-j6-defendants-warriors/ "Trump calls Jan. 6 defendants ‘warriors’"] * I don't care about you. I just want your vote. **10 June 2024 [https://lamag.com/politics/i-dont-care-about-you-i-just-want-your-vote-trump-says-at-his-latest-rally "Trump to Nevada: ’I Don't Care About You... I Just Want Your Vote’"], Los Angeles Magazine * So I said, ‘Let me ask you a question. Nobody ever asked this question. And it must be because of MIT. My relationship to MIT. Very smart. I say, What would happen if the boat sank from its weight? And you’re in the boat and you have this tremendously powerful battery, and the battery is now underwater, and there’s a shark that’s approximately 10 yards over there. By the way, a lot of shark attacks lately. You notice that? A lot of shark. I watch some guys justifying it today. ‘Well, they weren’t really that angry. They bit off the young lady’s leg because of the fact that they were — they were not hungry, but they misunderstood what - who she was.’ These people are crazy. ‘There’s no problem with sharks. They just didn’t really understand a young woman swimming. No really got decimated and other people too, a lot of shark attacks. So I said, ‘So there’s a shark 10 yards away from the boat, 10 yards or here. Do I get electrocuted? If the boat is sinking, water goes over the battery, the boat is sinking. Do I stay on top of the boat and get electrocuted? Or do I jump over by the shark and not get electrocuted? ‘You know, nobody’s ever asked me that question.’ I said, ‘I think it’s a good question. I think there’s a lot of electric current coming through that water.’ But you know what I’d do if there was a shark or you get electrocuted? I’ll take electrocution every single time. I’m not getting near the shark! **10 June 2024 [https://newrepublic.com/post/182494/cognitive-decline-trump-rant-batteries "Cognitive Decline? Trump Short-Circuits During Bonkers Rant"], The New Republic *before I even arrive at the Oval Office, shortly after we win the presidency **22 June 2024 rally in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, quoted in a 2 July 2024 [https://www.politico.com/news/magazine/2024/07/02/nato-second-trump-term-00164517 Politico article] by Michael Hirsh ***Trump had previously used the phrase "before I even arrive at the Oval Office" in [[#March 2023]], and also used it in a May 2024 speech to the NRA the previous month *I'm not rambling. **23 June 2024 [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/his-brains-are-pudding-internet-mocks-trump-for-incoherent-defense-of-rambling-rant/ar-BB1oHYc9?item=flightsprg-tipsubsc-v1a?loadin=defaultbrowser "'His brains are pudding': Internet mocks Trump for 'incoherent' defense of 'rambling' rant"], MSN *But I will tell you that would have never happened [if I was president]. Ukraine would have never happened. The israeli attack would have never happened and inflation would have never happened. Those are three big things. Inflation would have never happened.<br>No, I wouldn't support a national ban [on abortion]. No, I would not. **20 June 2024 [https://deepcast.fm/episode/46167/in-conversation-with-president-trump#quotes/ "In conversation with President Trump", on All-In with Chamath, Jason, Sacks & Friedberg, found on DeepCast] * I want you to remember what they did to me. They tortured me in the Fulton County Jail, and TOOK MY MUGSHOT. So guess what? I put it on a mug for the WHOLE WORLD TO SEE! **24 June 2024 [https://www.newsmax.com/newsfront/donald-trump-georgia-fundraising/2024/06/24/id/1169939/ "Trump Fundraising Email: I Was 'Tortured' in Jail"], Newsmax * If I took this shirt off, you would see a beautiful beautiful person. But you would see wounds all over. I’ve taken a lot of wounds I can tell you. More than I suspect any president ever. **24 June 2024 [https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/donald-trump-talks-taking-off-105630724.html "Donald Trump Talks About Taking Off His Shirt To Show 'Wounds.' Internet Can't Even."], Yahoo News *Israel is the one. And you should let them go and let them go finish the job. He doesn’t want to do it. He’s become like a Palestinian, but hey, don’t like him because he’s a very bad Palestinian. He’s a weak one. **27 June 2024 per [https://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/4744809-donald-trump-joe-biden-debate-palestine-israel/ The Hill article] by Brett Samuels *If we had a real president, a president that knew -- that was respected by Putin ... he would have never invaded Ukraine. **27 June 2024 debate with Joe Biden, cited [https://www.ctvnews.ca/world/trump-says-he-can-end-the-russia-ukraine-war-in-one-day-russia-s-un-ambassador-says-he-can-t-1.6947744 1 July 2024] by Edith Lederer *I really don't know what he said at the end of that sentence. I don't think he knows what he said either. **About Joe Biden. [https://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/4744753-trump-jabs-biden-really-dont-know-what-he-said/ Presidential debate], June 27, 2024 ====July 2024==== * I know nothing about project 2025. * I disagree with some of the things they’re saying and some of the things they’re saying are absolutely ridiculous and abysmal. ** Claimed on July 5, 2024, quoted in: ::* [https://edition.cnn.com/2024/07/11/politics/trump-allies-project-2025/index.html "Trump claims not to know who is behind Project 2025. A CNN review found at least 140 people who worked for him are involved"], ''CNN'' (July 11, 2024) ::* [https://www.huffpost.com/entry/russell-vought-project-2025-centre-for-climate-reporting_n_66be3e85e4b04090eac4512c "Project 2025 Co-Author Says Donald Trump ‘Very Supportive Of What We Do’"], ''Huffington Post'' (August 15, 2024) *It was God alone who prevented the unthinkable from happening...In this moment, it is more important than ever that we stand United, and show our True Character as Americans, remaining Strong and Determined, and not allowing Evil to Win **14 July 2024 [https://www.ndtv.com/world-news/it-was-god-alone-who-prevented-the-unthinkable-trump-on-assassination-attempt-6104182 per NDTV] *By luck or by God, many people are saying it’s by God I’m still here.<br>The agents hit me so hard that my shoes fell off, and my shoes are tight.<br>I had all prepared an extremely tough speech, really good, all about the corrupt, horrible administration. But I threw it away. I want to try to unite our country. **14 July 2024 cited by [https://nypost.com/2024/07/14/us-news/grateful-defiant-trump-recounts-surreal-assassination-attempt-at-rally-im-supposed-to-be-dead/ NY Post] writer Michael Goodwin and [https://www.politico.com/news/2024/07/15/trump-assassination-attempt-rnc-speech-00168251 Politico] writer Isabella Ramirez * Kamala even wants to pass laws to outlaw RED MEAT to stop climate change. * You know what that means? That means no more cows. * I guess eventually she’s gonna mean no more people. Right? No more people. ** Claimed on July 25, 2024, without providing evidence, quoted in [https://www.yahoo.com/news/fact-check-kamala-harris-does-not-want-to-ban-red-meat-as-trump-keeps-falsely-claiming-204515645.html "Fact check: ​​Kamala Harris does not want to ban red meat as Trump keeps falsely claiming"], ''Yahoo News'' (August 1, 2024) * And then the [Kamala Harris] campaign says, 'I'm the prosecutor and he is the convicted felon.' **25 July 2024 [https://www.comicsands.com/harris-trump-ad-prosecutor-felon-2668815011.html# "Kamala Harris Uses 6-Second Clip Of Trump Telling The Truth About Her Campaign In New Ad—And It's Gold"], ''Comic Sands'' *They say something happened to me when I got shot. I became nice.<br>If you don't mind, I'm not going to be nice. Is that okay?<br>If border czar Harris is in charge, every week they'll bring in a neverending stream of illegal aliens, rapists, blood thirsty killers, child murderers to go after our sons and our daughters.<br>Everything Kamala touches turns into a total disaster. **25 July 2024 claims about US Vice President [[Kamala Harris]] at a sports arena in Charlotte, cited in [https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13664627/donald-trump-Charlotte-north-carolina-kamala-harris.html "Donald Trump turns his attention to 'radical left lunatic' Kamala Harris in first rally since Biden dropped out"], ''Daily Mail'' *We have a new victim now, Kamala. A brand new victim, and honestly she’s a radical left lunatic. When you find out about her, all I have to say is defund the police,Three months ago, she was thought of so badly, [the media] were just killing her. And now they’re trying to make her into a, let’s say, Margaret Thatcher. I don’t think so. It’s not going to happen. Margaret Thatcher didn’t laugh like that. Did she? **27 July 2024 in [https://www.politico.com/news/2024/07/27/trump-harris-minnesota-rally-shooting-00171526 Politico article] by Myah Ward *I pledge to the bitcoin community, that the day I take the oath of office, Joe Biden and Kamala Harris’ anti-crypto crusade will be over. On day one, I will fire Gary Gensler. **date unknown, [https://www.ft.com/content/03e8e1d2-4244-4eba-9248-9bbd8d1b0090 Financial Times article] *You won't have to do it anymore. Four more years, you know what, it will be fixed, it will be fine, you won't have to vote anymore, my beautiful Christians...I love you Christians. I'm a Christian. I love you, get out, you gotta get out and vote. '''In four years, you don't have to vote again, we'll have it fixed so good you're not going to have to vote.''' **27 July 2024 in a speech to Turning Point Action in West Palm Beach, Florida, quote from the Reuters article [https://www.reuters.com/world/us/trump-tells-christians-they-wont-have-vote-after-this-election-2024-07-27/ "Trump tells Christians they won't have to vote after this election"] by Tim Reid *I thought she was a little younger, but she's 60 **29 July 2024 about Kamala Harris, cited in [https://www.rawstory.com/donald-trump-2668835186/ "She'll 'destroy the country': Trump rambles about Kamala Harris in new Fox News interview"], ''RawStory'' ***Kamala Harris was born 20 October 1964 so would not turn sixty until 20 October 2024, two weeks prior to the upcoming election - she was actually 59 years 9 months old when he said this *I’m not so sure which is better. But she either likes or loves me. And that’s nice. **30 July 2024 about his wife Melania Trump, cited in [https://www.mercurynews.com/2024/07/30/trump-thinks-melania-either-likes-or-loves-him-following-assassination-attempt/ "Trump thinks Melania ‘either likes or loves’ him following assassination attempt"], ''Mercury News'' * Perverts and losers **30 July 2024 describing members of the Lincoln Project, an organisation of moderate conservatives who oppose Trump and trumpism. Quoted in [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-rages-republicans-campaigning-lincoln-project-1849509 "Donald Trump Rages at Republicans Campaigning Against Him"], ''Newsweek'' * She doesn’t like Jewish people. You know it, I know it and everybody knows it and nobody wants to say it. **30 July 2024 claimed about US Vice President Kamala Harris, who is married to a Jewish husband. Quoted in [https://www.timesofisrael.com/liveblog_entry/trump-claims-harris-doesnt-like-jews-seems-to-agree-with-calling-her-husband-a-crappy-jew/ "Trump claims Harris ‘doesn’t like Jews,’ seems to agree with calling her husband ‘a crappy Jew’"], ''Times of Israel'' * If you are Jewish, regardless of Israel, if you’re Jewish, if you vote for a Democrat, you’re a fool, an absolute fool. **30 July 2024 [https://www.thedailybeast.com/donald-trump-agrees-with-radio-host-who-calls-doug-emhoff-a-crappy-jew "Trump Agrees With Radio Host Who Calls Emhoff a ‘Crappy Jew’"], ''The Daily Beast'' * So I've known her a long time - indirectly, not directly very much - and she was always of Indian heritage. And she was only promoting Indian heritage. I didn't know she was Black until a number of years ago when she happened to turn Black. And now she wants to be known as Black. So I don't know, is she Indian or is she Black? **31 July 2024 about Kamala Harris, whose mother was a biologist from India and father is an emeritus professor of economics at Stanford University, originating from Jamaica. Quoted in [https://www.nbcchicago.com/dnc-chicago-2024/all-of-a-sudden-trump-tells-black-journalists-in-chicago-that-kamala-harris-turned-black/3507125/ "‘All of a sudden': Trump tells Black journalists in Chicago Kamala Harris ‘turned Black'"], ''NBC Chicago'' * I don't want pronouns. **31 July 2024 [https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/donald-trump-gets-basic-english-123624171.html "Donald Trump Gets Basic English Lesson After Ridiculous Comment About His ‘Pronouns’"], ''Huffington Post / Yahoo Entertainment'' * A Black job is anybody that has a job. **31 July 2024 [https://www.cnbc.com/2024/07/31/trump-black-journalist-convention-nabj.html "Trump questions if Harris is Black, downplays Vance pick at Black journalists convention"], ''CNBC'' ====August 2024==== * That’s a weird deal going on there. They’re the weird ones. Nobody’s ever called me weird. I’m a lot of things, but weird I’m not.<br>You notice the evening news, every one of them, you know, they introduced the word ‘weird’, and all of a sudden they’re talking about ‘weird’. No, we’re not weird people. We’re actually just the opposite. We’re right down the middle.<br>No, we're not weird. We're very solid people. We want to have strong borders. We want to have good elections. They’re the weird ones. **1 August 2024 [https://time.com/7009800/donald-trump-responds-weird-label-jd-vance-tim-walz-commentary/ Time] and [https://www.thedailybeast.com/donald-trump-stop-calling-jd-vance-and-me-weird "Donald Trump: Stop Calling Me and J.D. Vance ‘Weird’"], ''The Daily Beast'' * 24 HOURS UNTIL WE UNLEASH HELL. At this time tomorrow, Crooked Kamala’s worst nightmares come true.<br>Tomorrow I step on stage and deliver Open Border Czar Kamala Harris the WORST defeat of her failed political career.<br> **2 August 2024 campaign e-mail from Trump, cited in [https://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/4808393-trump-unleash-hell-atlanta-rally-harris/ "Trump vows to ‘unleash hell’ on Harris at Atlanta rally"], ''The Hill'' *This one is so smart, so sharp. She grabbed me. She gave me a kiss. I said "I think I'm never going back home to the first lady." See now for the average politician, that's death. For me, I don't care. **4 August 2024 about [[Michaelah Montgomery]] at a rally in Georgia about an incident earlier in 2024, cited in [https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13707347/donald-trump-georgia-rally-activist-michaelah-montgomery.html "Trump's risqué remark to young activist who went viral for hugging him at Chick-fil-A after he invited her on stage at rally - as she makes VERY personal dig at Kamala"], ''Daily Mail'' * I’m for electric cars. I have to be, you know, because Elon endorsed me very strongly. So I have no choice. **5 August 2024 [https://www.benzinga.com/news/24/08/40154264/trump-says-electric-cars-are-fantastic-after-tesla-ceo-elon-musks-endorsement-i-have-to-be-you-know "Trump Says Electric Cars Are 'Fantastic' After Tesla CEO Elon Musk's Endorsement: 'I Have To Be, You Know… I Have No Choice'"], ''Benzinga'' * Kamabla Harris is afraid to Debate me on FoxNews **6 August 2024 cited in [https://www.yahoo.com/news/donald-trump-pathetic-way-attacking-120711256.html "Donald Trump’s ‘Pathetic’ New Way Of Attacking Kamala Harris Is Slammed Online"], ''Yahoo News / Huffington Post'' * What are the chances that Crooked Joe Biden, the WORST President in the history of the U.S., whose Presidency was Unconstitutionally STOLEN from him by Kamabla, Barrack HUSSEIN Obama, Crazy Nancy Pelosi, Shifty Adam Schiff, Cryin' Chuck Schumer, and others on the Lunatic Left, CRASHES the Democrat National Convention and tries to take back the Nomination, beginning with challenging me to another DEBATE. He feels that he made a historically tragic mistake by handing over the U.S. Presidency, a COUP, to the people in the World he most hates, and he wants it back, NOW!!! ** 6 August 2024 Cited in [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-suggests-biden-may-try-take-back-nomination-1935550 "Donald Trump Suggests Biden May Try to 'Take Back The Nomination'"], ''Newsweek'' * Crazy Kamabla is, indeed, CRAZY. I HEAR THERE IS A BIG MOVEMENT TO “BRING BACK CROOKED JOE". ** 6 August 2024 Cited in [https://www.indy100.com/politics/trump/trump-truth-social-biden-walz "Trump shares outrageous Biden prediction in baffling Truth Social rant"], ''Indy100'' * If you look at Caracas, it was known for being a very dangerous city and now it's very safe. In fact, the next interview we do, we'll do it in Caracas, Venezuela, because it's safer than many of our cities. ** 6 August 2024 [https://www.miaminewtimes.com/news/trump-says-caracas-venezuela-is-safer-than-many-us-cities-20962070 "Trump Says Caracas Is 'Safer Than Many of Our Cities'"], ''Miami New Times'' *I heard she's sort of a nasty person.<br>She doesn't do interviews 'cause she can't answer questions. **7 August 2024 about Vice President of the United States of America, Kamala Harris, cited in [https://newrepublic.com/post/184640/donald-trump-kamala-harris-attacks "Trump’s Latest Desperate Kamala Attacks Fall Hilariously Flat"], ''The New Republic'' * A ticket that would want this country to go communist immediately, if not sooner.<br>We’re gonna be living like dogs. Our whole country, our whole system, is gonna collapse. **7 August 2024 about [[Tim Walz]], cited in [https://voz.us/en/politics/240807/15242/trump-on-the-election-of-walz-ticket-that-would-want-this-country-to-go-communist-immediately-if-not-sooner.html "Trump, on the selection of Walz: 'A ticket that would want this country to go communist immediately, if not sooner'"], ''Voz'' (August 7, 2024) *Kim Jong Un liked me a lot. He doesn't like this group [the Harris campaign] **8 August 2024 cited in [https://nymag.com/intelligencer/article/trump-press-conference-mar-a-lago-updates.html "Trump Agrees to Debate Harris at Rambling Press Conference: How It Happened"], ''New York Magazine'' * I’ve spoken to the biggest crowds. Nobody’s spoken to crowds bigger than me. If you look at Martin Luther King when he did his speech, his great speech, and you look at ours, same real estate, same everything, same number of people, if not we had more. And they said he had a million people, but I had 25,000 people.<br>Nobody was killed on Jan. 6.<br>The presidency was taken away from Joe Biden, and I’m no Biden fan, but I tell you what, from a constitutional standpoint, from any standpoint you look at, they took the presidency away.<br>Twenty million people came over the border during the Biden-Harris administration — 20 million people — and it could be very much higher than that. Nobody really knows. **9 August 2024 quoted in [https://apnews.com/article/trump-news-conference-fact-check-misinformation-eb899c1fc734f5ecb42b8d0902e5c004 "FACT FOCUS: A look at claims made by Trump at news conference"], ''AP News'' *Christie, he’s eating right now. He can’t be bothered.<br>Sir, please do not call him a fat pig, that’s very disrespect.<br>See, I’m trying to be nice. Don’t call him a fat pig. You can’t do that.<br>I was extremely respectful of Sloppy Chris Christie today in New Hampshire. During a speech in front of a large crowd of Patriots, somebody shouted out that "Chris Christie is a fat pig." Rather than acknowleding that, which many speakers would have done, I said "No, No, he is not a fat pig." I'm sure Chris would have been very happy with my defense of him! **10 August 2024 [[Chris Christie]], cited in [https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2023/08/trump-is-pretending-he-didnt-call-chris-christie-fat-pig.html "Trump Is Pretending He Didn’t Call Christie a ‘Fat Pig’"], ''Intelligencer'' (August 10, 2024) *Has anyone noticed that Kamala CHEATED at the airport? There was nobody at the plane, and she ‘A.I.’d’ it, and showed a massive ‘crowd’ of so-called followers, BUT THEY DIDN’T EXIST! **10 August 2024 cited in [https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2024/08/trump-claims-ai-images-kamala-harris-rallies/679445/ "Trump’s Latest Falsehood Is a Huge Tell"], ''The Atlantic'' *She’s a CHEATER. She had NOBODY waiting, and the ‘crowd’ looked like 10,000 people! Same thing is happening with her fake ‘crowds’ at her speeches. This is the way the Democrats win Elections, by CHEATING ‒ And they’re even worse at the Ballot Box. She should be disqualified because the creation of a fake image is ELECTION INTERFERENCE. Anyone who does that will cheat at ANYTHING!<br>EVERYTHING ABOUT KAMALA IS FAKE! **12 August 2024, cited in [https://eu.usatoday.com/story/opinion/columnist/2024/08/12/trump-harris-rally-crowd-ai-conspiracy-theory/74763568007/ "Trump blames Harris' crowds on AI, so let's all assume everything we don't like is fake!"], ''USA Today'' *The worst president in history. And one of the reasons he was so bad, first of all, the Israeli attack would have never happened. Russia would never have attacked Ukraine and we'd have no inflation. And we wouldn't have had the Afghanistan mess if you think of it.<br>Now she's looking like she wants to be more Trump than Trump if that's possible.She wants to have open borders. And now she's going like she's tough on the border. It's such a lie. **12 August 2024 in [https://turboscribe.ai/transcript/share/4422534834081521519/HWE18owsC2u8E5u2HpZNikyBdermlV2YSwGlTEPKJJw/donald-trump-and-elon-musk-full-transcript-august-12-2024-https-x-com-i-spaces-1nakepnklwoxl TurboScribe article] *The ocean is going to rise one-eighth of an inch over the next 400 years. **13 August 2024 about sea level rise, which is currently at 4 mm (5/32") per year with an accelerating trend. Quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/article/2024/aug/12/trump-elon-musk-interview "Trump revisits most divisive talking points in rambling interview with Musk"], The Guardian *The biggest threat is nuclear warming. **13 August 2024 quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/article/2024/aug/12/trump-elon-musk-interview "Trump revisits most divisive talking points in rambling interview with Musk"], The Guardian *"I said to Vladimir Putin, I said, 'Don't do it. You can't do it, Vladimir, you do it, it's going to be a bad day. You cannot do it.' And I told him things that what I do. And he said, 'No way.' And I said, 'way.' And, you know, it's the last time we ever had the conversation. **13 August 2024 in [https://www.politico.eu/article/trump-zelenskyy-eu-freewheeling-musk-interview/ Politco article] *You’re the greatest cutter,...I need an Elon Musk — I need somebody that has a lot of strength and courage and smarts. I want to close up the Department of Education, move education back to the states. **13 August 2024 in [https://apnews.com/article/donald-trump-elon-musk-x-twitter-livestream-83d6d07fc0ffef4151c96fc56aeec9ee AP News article] *Iran is no friend of mine, a lot of bad signals get sent.The reason is because I was strong on Iran and I was protecting people in the Middle East that maybe they aren’t so happy about that. **14 August 2024 per [https://www.politico.com/news/2024/08/14/trump-iran-hack-campaign-00174002 political article] *Kamala has declared that tackling inflation will be a Day One priority, but Day One for Kamala was 3½ years ago. Why hasn’t she done it? .‌‌.‌‌She's a critic. That's all she is. **14 August 2024 per [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2024-election/trumps-economy-speech-veers-personal-attacks-harris-biden-rcna166652 NBC News article] * Can I hang our picture together in Mar-a-Lago?<br>I’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO MEET YOU! Chris, can we take a picture during our all-expenses-paid trip together? I already have the PERFECT spot picked out in Mar-a-Lago to show it off! * MEET TRUMP! ENTER TO WIN **14 August 2024 mass E-mail sent out to a large number of people. [https://politicalemails.org/messages/1521460 "Can I hang our picture together in Mar-a-Lago?"], PoliticalEmails.com (August 14, 2024) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zBudZMFvcvY&t=115s "Trump Goes TOTALLY NUTS as his ENTIRE LIFE COLLAPSES"], ''MeidasTouch'' (August 14, 2024) *Miriam, I watched (Sheldon Adelson, her late husband) sitting so proud in the White House when we gave Miriam the Presidential Medal of Freedom. That’s the highest award you can get as a civilian, it’s the equivalent of the Congressional Medal of Honor, but civilian version. It’s actually much better, because everyone gets the Congressional Medal of Honor – that’s soldiers. They’re either in very bad shape because they’ve been hit so many times by bullets, or they’re dead. She gets it and she’s a healthy, beautiful woman, and they’re rated equal. **15 August 2024 [https://www.cnn.com/2024/08/16/politics/trump-medal-of-honor/index.html Trump says civilian award is ‘much better’ than Medal of Honor] * We’re talking about a thing called the economy.<br>We’re doing this as an intellectual speech.<br>We literally are a third world nation, we literally are a third-world nation. We’re a banana republic in so many ways, and we’re not going to let that happen because we’re starting a free fall.<br>For nearly four years Kamala has crackled as the American economy has burned.<br>What happened to her laugh? I haven’t heard that laugh in about a week. That’s why they keep her off the stage, that’s why she has disappeared.<br>That’s the laugh of a crazy person, I will tell you. She’s crazy.<br>Incompetent socialist lunatic.<br>Kamabla.<br>Rape and murder, rape and beatings, rape and something else, and sometimes just immediate killing. These people are brutal. These are people that came out of the toughest jails anywhere in the world from all over the world, and we can’t take them. **16 August 2024 per [https://eu.usatoday.com/story/opinion/columnist/2024/08/14/trump-rally-north-carolina-rambling-economy-harris-crime/74798514007/ "Trump's North Carolina speech went predictably off the rails. Can he even spell 'economy'?"], ''USA today'' * I think I’m entitled to personal attacks.<br>Now you’ll say he ranted and raved […] I’m a very calm person, believe it or not. **16 August 2024 from [https://edition.cnn.com/2024/08/16/politics/trump-fury-harris-switch-campaign-analysis/index.html "Trump’s fury over Harris’ switch with Biden is increasingly driving his campaign"], ''CNN'' * She actually called me ‘weird. And she called JD and I ‘weird.’ He’s not weird, he was a great student at Yale.<br>We have this guy that’s running a failed, really a very failed state who’s had a terrible career. I mean you have him saying, ‘They’re weird.’ No, he’s a weird guy, and she’s weird in her policy. **16 August 2024 claim about Vice President of the USA Kamala Harris and Governor of Minnesota Tim Walz, quoted in [https://sg.news.yahoo.com/trump-denies-jd-vance-weird-040509909.html "Trump Denies He And JD Vance Are Weird In The Weirdest Way Possible"], ''Yahoo News / Huffington Post'' *I watched Sheldon sitting so proud in the White House when we gave Miriam the '''Presidential Medal of Freedom'''.<br>That's the highest award you can get as a civilian.<br>'''It's the equivalent of the Congressional Medal of Honor, but civilian''' version.<br>It's actually much better because everyone gets the Congressional Medal of Honor, they're soldiers.<br>They're either in very bad shape because they've been hit so many times by bullets or they are dead.<br>She gets it and she's a healthy, beautiful woman.<br>And they're '''rated equal''', but she got the Presidential Medal of Freedom. ** [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/trump-medal-of-freedom-medal-of-honor/ "Trump says Medal of Freedom "equivalent" to and "much better" than Medal of Honor, sparking backlash from veterans"] ''CBS News'' (August 16, 2024) *Kamala will implement SOVIET Style Price Controls. EVERY American will be taxed up to 80% of their income!<br>If Kamala is elected and implements her Communist Price Caps, there will be famine, starvation, and poverty, the likes of which we have never seen. America will NEVER recover!<br>Kamala Harris wants to raise your taxes and make you pay for free healthcare and free housing in luxury hotels for her millions of illegal aliens. **16 August 2024 quoted in [https://www.rawstory.com/kamala-harris-vs-trump-2668979250/ "Donald Trump rants that 'famine' will come to America if Kamala Harris is elected"], ''RawStory'' *Starting the day I take the oath of office, I will rapidly drive prices down, and we will make America affordable again. **17 August 2024 At a rally in Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania, quoted in [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/trump-claims-continues-personal-attacks-harris/story?id=112921505 Trump claims he's 'better looking,' continues personal attacks toward Harris] ''ABC News'' *I am much better looking than her. I’m a better looking person than Kamala.<br>I say that I’m much better looking than her. I had never heard that one. They said her biggest advantage was that she’s a beautiful-looking woman. Ha. I’d never thought of that.<br>I said, who am I running against, Harris? I said, ‘Who the hell is Harris?'<br>Joe Biden hates her.<br>They will say he’s rambling. I don’t ramble. I’m a really smart guy, **18 August 2024 per [https://www.thedailybeast.com/donald-trump-im-better-looking-than-kamala-and-dont-say-i-ramble "Trump: ‘I’m Better Looking than Kamala—and Don’t Say I Ramble’"], ''The Daily Beast'' *You know, he said we’re weird. That J.D. and I are weird. I think we’re extremely normal people. We’re like you, we’re exactly like you.<br>He [Tim Walz] is weird. Did you ever see him go on the stage and go, like, crazy? Between his movement and her laugh, there’s a lot of crazy. I’d say a step further than weird, weird is a nice word by comparison. **19 August 2024 to a small crowd in York, Pennsylvania, quoted in [https://www.yahoo.com/news/trump-insists-extremely-normal-during-204337061.html "Trump Insists He’s “Extremely Normal” During Incredibly Weird Speech"], ''Yahoo News / The New Republic'' *Prices will come down. You just watch: They’ll come down, and they’ll come down fast, not only with insurance, with everything…. Prices will come down and come down dramatically and come down fast. **20 August 2024 from a recent speech in Asheville, North Carolina, quoted in [https://www.cnn.com/2024/08/20/business/trump-inflation-prices-deflation/index.html Trump promises to make prices plunge again. That’s a dangerous proposal] ''CNN'' *You can’t walk across the street to get a loaf of bread. You get shot, you get mugged, you get raped, you get whatever it may be. **21 August 2024 at a rally in Howell, Michigan, quoted in [https://ca.news.yahoo.com/trumps-latest-claim-crime-real-224038664.html "Trump's Latest Claim About Crime Is A Real Doozy"], ''Yahoo News / Huffington Post'' * That was a coup, it was a vicious violent overthrow of a president of the United States. **20 August 2024 about [[Joe Biden]] pulling out of the 2024 presidential election, quoted in [https://ktrh.iheart.com/featured/houston-texas-news/content/2024-08-20-trump-counters-dnc-with-rally-in-michigan-that-was-a-coup/ "Trump Counters DNC With Rally In Michigan - "That Was A Coup""], ''KTRH Local Houston and Texas News'' *We have a fool as a president. **20 August 2024 cited in [https://ktrh.iheart.com/featured/houston-texas-news/content/2024-08-20-trump-counters-dnc-with-rally-in-michigan-that-was-a-coup/ "Trump Counters DNC With Rally In Michigan - "That Was A Coup""], ''KTRH Local Houston and Texas News'' *I think that women living in the suburbs—I keep hearing about ‘the suburban woman doesn’t like Trump,’ well, I think it’s a fake poll because why wouldn’t they like me? I keep the suburbs safe. **202 August 2024 during a rally in a garage in Howell, Michigan, quoted in [https://newrepublic.com/post/185085/donald-trump-derails-speech-crime-complain-women "Trump Derails Weird Speech on Crime to Complain Women Hate Him"], ''New Republic'' *We're going to bring up electronics too. Electronics. We buy everything away. When you see the sophistication of the product I just saw at this place, electronics is peanuts. **20 August 2024 in [https://www.dailykos.com/story/2024/8/19/2264243/-Thanks-Joe-We-won-t-forget-who-was-POTUS-in-2020 "Thanks, Joe. We won't forget who was POTUS in 2020"], ''Daily Kos'' *Our primary focus is not to get out the vote, it is to make sure they don’t cheat. We have all the votes we’ll need. You can see it ... every house along the way has signs: Trump, Trump, Trump, Vance, Trump, Vance. **20 August 2024 in [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2024-election/trump-says-focus-ensuring-democrats-dont-cheat-not-voter-turnout-rcna167630 "Trump says his focus is ensuring Democrats 'don't cheat,' not voter turnout — echoing efforts to undermine election"], ''NBC News'' *There will be no future under Comrade Kamala Harris, because she will take us into a Nuclear World War III , She will never be respected by the Tyrants of the World! **23 August 2024 in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/article/2024/aug/23/trump-reaction-harris-dnc-speech "Harris’s convention speech sparks live rant from outraged Trump"], ''The Guardian'' *My Administration will be great for women and their reproductive rights. **23 August 2024 [https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/113012083325505976 Truth Social] *Kamala Harris is the weakest presidential candidate in history on crime.<br>She’s allowed millions of people to pour through our borders, many from prisons, mental institutions and, indeed, terrorists, coming in at levels never seen before.<br>What gives her the right to run for president?<br>She got no votes to Biden’s fourteen million.<br>She failed in her previous attempt, was the first one out of twenty-two people to quit, never made it to Iowa, and now she’s a presidential candidate?<br>This is a '''threat to democracy'''! ** [https://www.rawstory.com/trump-2669023213/ "'What gives her the right to run?' Trump launches overnight tirade at Kamala Harris"], ''RawStory'' (August 24, 2024) *The truth is, they’re trying to get out of it because she doesn’t want to debate. She’s not a good debater, she’s not a smart person. She doesn’t want to debate. **26 August 2024 in response to the Harris campaign‘s demand that their September 10th debate occur without muted microphones; in [https://nypost.com/2024/08/26/us-news/harris-campaign-urges-trump-to-take-abc-news-debate-without-muted-microphone/ "Trump says Harris ‘trying to get out of’ debate over unmuted microphones demand"] *15 stunning all-new digital trading cards, it's really something. These cards show me dancing, even holding some BitCoins! ** [https://www.rawstory.com/trump-digital-trading-cards-2669080783/ "Trump revives widely mocked digital trading cards as Harris gains in polls"], ''RawStory'' (August 27, 2024) *The Harris/Biden administration has been caught fraudulently manipulating job statistics to hide the true extent of the economic ruin that they’ve inflicted on America, Bureau of Labor Statistics shows that the administration padded the numbers with an extra, listen to this one, 818,000 jobs that don’t exist. **[https://www.poynter.org/fact-checking/2024/job-data-manipulated-fact-check/ "Donald Trump falsely claimed that Joe Biden and Kamala Harris manipulated job data"], ''Poynter'' (August 27, 2024) * I think to a certain extent it’s Biden’s fault and Harris’s fault. And I’m the opponent. Look, they were weaponizing government against me, they brought in the whole DOJ to try and get me, they weren’t too interested in my health and safety,They’re saying I’m a threat to democracy,They would say that, that was standard line, just keep saying it, and you know that can get assassins or potential assassins going. That’s a terrible thing … Maybe that bullet is because of their rhetoric. ** With "dr Phil" [https://archive.ph/mamCT "Trump, without evidence, in part faults Biden, Harris for assassination attempt"], ''Washington Post'' (August 28, 2024) *Well, I think the six-week (ban) is too short. It has to be more time. So…and I’ve told them that, I want more weeks. I am going to be voting that we need more than six weeks…. I believe in exceptions for life of the mother, —if you look— incest, rape. ** 29 August 2024 when asked how he was going to vote on the Florida amendment to overturn the six-week ban on abortion; in [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-says-wants-make-ivf-treatments-paid-government-insurance-compani-rcna168804 "Trump says he wants to make IVF treatments paid for by government or insurance companies if elected"] *I’m announcing today in a major statement that under the Trump administration, your government will pay for — or your insurance company will be mandated to pay for — all costs associated with IVF treatment. Because we want more babies, to put it nicely. **30 August 2024 in [https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/world/us/we-want-more-babies-trump-promises-free-ivf-treatments-amid-abortion-rights-debate-says-us-government-will-pay-but-how/articleshow/112909996.cms 'We want more babies': Trump promises free IVF treatments amid abortion rights debate, says 'US government will pay' - But how?] *I’ll be voting ’no’ for that reason<br>“’No’ on (Florida) Amendment 4?”<br>For that reason because it‘s radical. You talk about radical. Doing an abortion in the ninth month is unacceptable to anybody…. There‘s something in between, but the six (weeks) is too short, it‘s just too short a period and the nine months is unacceptable…. But for that reason, for the radicalization on the Democrats side, we‘re voting ’no’.<br>“…Would you veto a federal abortion ban?”<br>I‘m not going to have to think about it because it‘s working out so well right now. The states are doing it. It‘s a states issue…. Well, what‘s happening is you‘re never going to have to do it because it‘s being done by the states. The states are voting. And the people are now getting a chance to vote and this is the way everybody wanted it. **30 August 2024 when asked about how he would vote on the Florida abortion amendment in the upcoming election in [https://www.foxnews.com/politics/pro-lifers-blast-trump-betrayal-shifting-abortion-stance-answer-florida-amendment-4 Pro-lifers blast Trump 'betrayal' with shifting abortion stance, answer on Florida Amendment 4] *It’s crazy. Our country is being '''poisoned''', and your schools and your children are suffering greatly because they’re going into the classrooms, they’re taking the seats and they don’t even speak English. **30 Aug 2024 quoted in [https://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2024/aug/30/our-country-is-being-poisoned-trump-says-as-he-cou/ Washington Times article by Ali Swenson and Will Weissert] * If you look at Kamala and you look at what she’s done to every place she’s touched has turned to s**t. Every single place she’s touched. I have to say, it. Every place she’s touched, you know? ** [https://www.yahoo.com/news/melania-plea-trump-control-swearing-202341688.html "Melania’s plea for Trump to control his swearing flops as he tears into Harris at rally"], ''Yahoo News / Independent'' (August 31, 2024) * I don’t need publicity. I get a lot of publicity. I would like to get a lot less publicity.<br>I would hire a public relations agent to get less publicity. ** [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/article/2024/aug/30/trump-pennsylvania-rally-arlington-cemetery-photo-op?utm_source=sdrn%3Avg%3Aarticle%3AJbnA66 "Trump denies exploiting visit to US soldiers’ graves: ‘I don’t need publicity’"], ''The Guardian'' (August 31, 2024) *Now, they have Kamala who has many deficiencies, but she's a nasty person. The way she treated Mike Pence was horrible. The way she treats people is horrible. **31 August 2024 [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-saying-kamala-harris-was-horrible-mike-pence-mocked-1947392 Donald Trump Saying Kamala Harris Was 'Horrible' to Mike Pence Mocked] ====September 2024==== *you take a look at Venezuela as an example, the crime is down 72% because they've taken their criminals from Caracas, they've taken their drug dealers. They're emptying their prisons into our country **[https://www.wtae.com/article/kamala-harris-donald-trump-pennsylvania-fact-check/62048503] ** [https://www.factcheck.org/2024/06/crime-drop-in-venezuela-does-not-prove-trumps-claim-the-country-is-sending-criminals-to-u-s/ "Crime Drop in Venezuela Does Not Prove Trump’s Claim the Country Is Sending Criminals to U.S."], ''FactCheck.org'' (June 14, 2024) * I think you believe [in God] more, because when you speak to experts, like my sons who are shooting experts. But when you speak to experts, they said there was no chance that he could have missed from that distance....<br>I think you think like, if you believe in God, you believe in God more. And somebody said like, why? And I’d like to think that God thinks that I’m going to straighten out our country. Our country is so sick and it’s so broken. Our country is just broken. And maybe that was the reason, I don’t know. I don’t know, a lot of people have said that. ** Speaking about assassination attempt on July 14, 2024, in interview on Fox News “Life, Liberty & Levin”, quoted in [https://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/4858345-trump-id-like-to-think-that-god-thinks-that-im-going-to-straighten-out-our-country/ "Trump: ‘I’d like to think that God thinks that I’m going to straighten out our country’"], ''The Hill'' [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0RbQ2Gb2AG4 YouTube interview] (September 1, 2024) *You just cannot let them have a nuclear weapon. But I will say this: If they do have a nuclear weapon, Israel is gone. ** [https://www.iranintl.com/en/202409014919 "Trump says if Iran gets a nuke, 'Israel will be gone'"], ''Iran International'' (September 1, 2024) * Whoever heard you get indicted for interfering with a presidential election where you have every right to do it? ** [https://www.reuters.com/world/us/trump-says-he-had-every-right-interfere-2020-election-2024-09-02/ "Trump says he had 'every right' to interfere in 2020 election"], ''CNN'' (September 2, 2024) * You know, I do the weave. You know what the weave is? I’ll talk about like nine different things, and they all come back brilliantly together and it’s like, and friends of mine that are, like, English professors, they say, ‘It’s the most brilliant thing I’ve ever seen.’ But the fake news, you know what they say? ‘He rambled.’ ** [https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/critics-call-hilarious-bs-donald-094722633.html "Critics Call Hilarious BS On Donald Trump's New Brag About His Speeches"], ''Yahoo News / Huffington Post'' (September 2, 2024) * [About Project 2025:] I know nothing about it, and they know that, too. Democrats know that, and I purposely haven't read it because I want to say to you I don't, I have no idea what it's all about.<br>It's easier than saying I read it and you know, all of the things. No, I purposely haven't read it, and I've heard about it.<br>I've heard about things that are in there that I don't like, and there's some things in there that everybody would like, but there are things that I don't like at all. ** [https://www.rawstory.com/trump-project-2025-2669122309/ "Trump says ‘purposefully’ hasn’t read Project 2025 — but everybody would like parts of it"], ''RawStory'' (September 3, 2024) *But I’ve done well with debates. I became president, and then the second time I got millions more votes than I got the first time. I was told if I got 63 million … you would win. You can’t not win. And I got millions of more votes than that and lost by a whisker but— and look at what happened with the world. **[https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-lex-fridman-podcast-interview-b2606533.html Trump admits he lost 2020 election ‘by a whisker’ during Lex Fridman podcast], ''Independent'' (September 3, 2024) "[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qCbfTN-caFI Donald Trump Interview - Lex Fridman Podcast #442]" (at 10m51s), Lex Fridman, 3 September 2024. * I am proud to represent our Failing Nation in fighting the GREATEST POLITICAL WITCH HUNT IN HISTORY. REMOVE THE GAG ORDER SO THAT I CAN SHOW HOW CORRUPT OUR COURT SYSTEM IS. PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES ARE NOT TO BE GAGGED! ** Claimed about a court order to stop repeatedly intimidating witnesses and attacking family members of a judge in a felony court case, quoted in [https://www.msn.com/en-au/news/other/i-am-proud-to-represent-our-failing-nation-trump-melts-down-in-early-morning-court-rant/ar-AA1pZ1jo "'I am proud to represent our failing nation': Trump melts down in early morning court rant"], ''MSN / Raw Story'' (September 4, 2024) *I’ve been preparing all my life for this debate. **Referring to his upcoming September 10th debate with Kamala Harris, in [https://www.wbtw.com/news/washington-dc-news/harris-and-trump-court-voters-ahead-of-first-debate/ Harris and Trump court voters ahead of first debate], ''News13 WBTW'' (September 4, 2024) * [Asked about what specific legislation Trump would advance to make child care affordable:] Well, I would do that, and we’re sitting down, and I was, somebody, we had Senator Marco Rubio, and my daughter Ivanka was so impactful on that issue. It’s a very important issue. But I think when you talk about the kind of numbers that I’m talking about, that, because, look, child care is child care is. It’s, couldn’t, you know, there’s something, you have to have it. In this country you have to have it. But when you talk about those numbers compared to the kind of numbers that I’m talking about by taxing foreign nations at levels that they’re not used to — but they’ll get used to it very quickly – and it’s not gonna stop them from doing business with us, but they’ll have a very substantial tax when they send product into our country. Those numbers are so much bigger than any numbers that we’re talking about, including child care, that it’s going to take care. We’re gonna have — I, I look forward to having no deficits within a fairly short period of time, coupled with the reductions that I told you about on waste and fraud and all of the other things that are going on in our country, because I have to stay with child care. I want to stay with child care, but those numbers are small relative to the kind of economic numbers that I’m talking about, including growth, but growth also headed up by what the plan is that I just, that I just told you about. We’re gonna be taking in trillions of dollars, and as much as child care is talked about as being expensive, it’s relatively speaking not very expensive compared to the kind of numbers we’ll be taking in. We’re going to make this into an incredible country that can afford to take care of its people, and then we’ll worry about the rest of the world. Let’s help other people. But we’re going to take care of our country first. This is about America first. It’s about Make America Great Again. We have to do it because right now we’re a failing nation, so we’ll take care of it. ** [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-childcare-economy-speech-b2607970.html "Trump tried to explain how he plans to make childcare more affordable. It was a word salad"], ''Independent'' (September 6, 2024)<!--Quoted by several other sources, such as ''All In with Chris Hayes'', https://www.rawstory.com/trump-decline/, see video here: https://www.c-span.org/video/?538141-1/fmr-pres-trump-remarks-economic-club-york--> * But the transgender thing is incredible. Think of it. Your kid goes to school and comes home a few days later with an operation. The school decides what's going to happen with your child. And you know, many of these childs [sic] 15 years later say, 'What the hell happened? Who did this to me?' They say, 'Who did this to me?' It's incredible. ** [https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/trump-schools-transgender-surgeries/ "Trump's Claim That Children Received Gender-Affirming Surgeries at School Is False"], ''Snopes'' (September 5, 2024) * As the first order of business, this commission will develop an action plan to totally eliminate fraud and improper payments within six months, saving trillions of dollars ** [https://www.nytimes.com/2024/09/06/technology/elon-musk-donald-trump-influence.html How Elon Musk Is Influencing Donald Trump], ''New York Times'' (September 6, 2024) * [On the likelihood of him sexually abusing a woman in 1979:] She said I was making out with her and then I grabbed her in a certain part. Think of the impracticality of this. I'm famous in a plane, people are coming into the plane and I grab a woman - what are the chances of that happening? Frankly, I know you're going to say it's a terrible thing to say but it couldn't have happened, it didn't happen because she would not have been the chosen one. **[https://www.the-express.com/news/politics/147957/donald-trump-e-jean-carroll-court-appeal Trump declares E. Jean Carroll 'not the chosen one' in bizarre rant following court appeal], ''Daily Express US'' [https://youtube.com/watch?v=mFdzWJXPYbo Trump mocks his sexual assault accuser: ‘She would not have been the chosen one’], MSNBC YouTube (September 6, 2024) *I am the Peace President, and only I will stop World War III! **[https://www.mediaite.com/trump/trump-loses-it-on-the-cheneys-after-they-endorse-harris-irrelevant-rino-along-with-his-daughter/ Trump Loses It on the Cheneys After They Endorse Harris: ‘Irrelevant RINO, Along with His Daughter!’] ''Mediaite'' [https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/113093196894480530] (September 6, 2024) * I better win, I better win, or you're going to have problems like we've never had. We may have no country left. It may be our last election. ** [https://www.foxnews.com/politics/trump-claims-israel-gone-two-years-harris-elected-president-video "Trump claims Israel will be 'gone' within two years if Harris is elected president: video"], ''Fox News'' (September 7, 2024) *WHEN I WIN, those people that CHEATED will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the Law, which will include long term prison sentences so that this Depravity of Justice does not happen again.<br>Please beware that this legal exposure extends to Lawyers, Political Operatives, Donors, Illegal Voters, & Corrupt Election Officials. Those involved in unscrupulous behavior will be sought out, caught, and prosecuted at levels, unfortunately, never seen before in our Country. **[https://www.pbs.org/newshour/politics/trump-threatens-long-prison-sentences-for-those-who-cheat-in-the-election-if-he-wins Trump threatens long prison sentences for those who ‘cheat’ in the election if he wins], ''PBS News'' (September 8, 2024) *The moment we win, we will rapidly review the cases of every political prisoner unjustly victimized by the Harris regime, and I will sign their pardons on day one. With your vote this election, their lying, cheating, thieving, hoaxing, and plotting will come to an end. We got to stop the cheating. If we stop that cheating, if we don't let them cheat, I don't even have to campaign anymore. We're going to win by so much. **At a rally in Wisconsin on Saturday, [https://transcripts.cnn.com/show/cnc/date/2024-09-09/segment/07 CNN News Central Transcripts] (September 9, 2024) * Can you imagine you’re a parent and your son leaves the house and you say, ‘Jimmy, I love you so much. Go have a good day in school’ and your son comes back with a brutal operation. Can you even imagine this? What the hell is wrong with our country? ** [https://uk.news.yahoo.com/trump-falsely-claims-children-being-195728811.html "Trump falsely claims children being forced into gender transition ops at school in rambling fantasy-filled rally speech"], ''Yahoo News / Independent'' (September 9, 2024) * I HATE TAYLOR SWIFT! ** [https://www.cnbc.com/2024/09/15/trump-says-i-hate-taylor-swift-after-pop-star-endorses-kamala-harris.html "Trump says ‘I hate Taylor Swift’ after pop star endorses Kamala Harris"], ''CNBC'' (September 15, 2024) * Latin music superstar Nicky Jam. Do you know Nicky? She’s hot. ** Claimed about the singer after he endorsed Trump, quoted in [https://eu.usatoday.com/story/entertainment/music/2024/09/15/donald-trump-nicky-jam-las-vegas-rally/75237185007/ "Donald Trump misgenders reggaeton star Nicky Jam at rally: 'She's hot'"], ''USA Today'' (September 16, 2024) *We have to call it Covid. What the hell does Covid mean. The China virus. A lot of people think they did that because they were not happy with me as president. **[https://www.the-express.com/news/politics/148953/trump Trump pushes theory that 'China created Covid-19 because they didn't like his presidency'] (September 17, 2024) *I don't know what happened. With the bomb threats. I know that it's been taken over by illegal migrants, and that's a terrible thing that happened. Springfield was this beautiful town, and now they're going through hell. **[https://www.pbs.org/newshour/show/how-life-in-springfield-has-been-disrupted-by-lies-about-its-haitian-community How life in Springfield has been disrupted by lies about its Haitian community], ''PBS News'' (17 September, 2024) * Nobody can draw crowds like me... I’m the greatest of all time. Maybe greater even than Elvis. Elvis had a guitar, I don’t have a guitar. I don’t have the privilege of a guitar. ** [https://www.msn.com/en-au/news/other/donald-trump-boasts-he-is-greater-than-elvis/ar-AA1qPeXs "Donald Trump boasts he is ‘greater than Elvis’"], ''MSN'' (September 19, 2024) *She doesn’t like doing interviews. And she’s not knowledgeable about economy and various things, and I think it would be a problem. But you know what? [Biden] was pretty much gone. They said, 'Joe, it’s over. You're getting out.' And they put her in, and she somehow — a woman — somehow she's doing better than he did. But I can't imagine it can last. **During an appearance on Fox News’ ''Gutfeld!'', [https://www.yahoo.com/news/donald-trump-seemed-surprised-kamala-200648284.html Donald Trump Just Made An Eyebrow-Raising Observation About Kamala Harris], ''Yahoo News'' (September 19, 2024) * This is Martin Luther King on steroids. I told that to Mark. I said, 'I think you're better than Martin Luther King. I think you are Martin Luther King times two.' ** Said about candidate for North Carolina governor [[Mark Robinson (American politician)|Mark Robinson]], quoted in [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/robinson-expected-attend-trumps-north-carolina-rally-amid/story?id=113873656 "Robinson not expected to attend Trump's North Carolina rally amid scandal: Sources"], ''ABC News'' (September 21, 2024) * Anybody that thinks crime is going down is a serious brain problem. ** [https://www.scrippsnews.com/us-news/crime/murder-other-violent-crime-rates-dropped-across-us-last-year-new-fbi-data-shows "Murder, other violent crime rates dropped across US last year, new FBI data shows"], ''Scripps News'' (September 23, 2024) * She had the other interview with the other guy who was a nice guy I think from Philadelphia from Pennsylvania, he was a nice guy, he was asking her all these (scrambles words) – the daily take – they don’t take like I do! Anybody wants to go, go what the hell differences they make – they have – and how dishonest was ABC. * I'm cognitively very strong. ** [https://au.news.yahoo.com/trump-teased-over-rambling-word-120404261.html "Trump teased over rambling ‘word salad’ at rally as he insists he is 'cognitively very strong'"], ''Yahoo News / The Independent'' (September 24, 2024) * If any senior doesn't vote for Trump, we're gonna have to send you to a psychiatrist to have your head examined. ** [https://www.mediaite.com/trump/trump-tells-another-group-of-voters-to-have-your-head-examined/ "Trump Tells ANOTHER Group of Voters to 'Have Your Head Examined'"], ''Mediaite'' (September 25, 2024) *If I were the president, I would inform the threatening country, in this case, Iran, that if you do anything to harm this person, we are going to blow your largest cities and the country itself to smithereens. We're going to blow it to smithereens. There would be no more threats. **[https://abcnews.go.com/International/trump-lashes-iran-security-officials-warn-rise-foreign/story?id=114086967 "Trump suggests Iran tied to assassination attempts, issues blunt warning"], ''ABC News'' (September 26, 2024) *It has been determined that Google has illegally used a system of only revealing and displaying bad stories about Donald J Trump, some made up for this purpose while, at the same time, only revealing good stories about Comrade Kamala Harris. This is an ILLEGAL ACTIVITY, and hopefully the Justice Department will criminally prosecute them for this blatant Interference of Elections. If not, and subject to the Laws of our Country, I will request their prosecution, when I win the Election and become President of the United States. **From a post on ''Truth Social'', cited in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2024/sep/27/trump-google-threat-criminal-charges Trump vows to seek criminal charges against Google if re-elected president], ''The Guardian'' (September 28, 2024) *Crooked Joe Biden became mentally impaired, Sad. But lying Kamala Harris, honestly, I believe she was born that way. There’s something wrong with Kamala. And I just don’t know what it is but there is definitely something missing. And you know what, everybody knows it. **[https://www.ctvnews.ca/world/trump-says-there-s-something-wrong-with-harris-and-that-she-s-mentally-impaired-1.7056321] ====1st Debate with Kamala Harris (September 10, 2024)==== *<i>in response to Kamala Harris bringing up Project 2025:</I><Br>…she knows better than anyone, I have nothing to do with Project 2025. That's out there. I haven't read it. I don't want to read it, purposely. I'm not going to read it. This was a group of people that got together, they came up with some ideas. I guess some good, some bad. But it makes no difference. I have nothing to do -- everybody knows I'm an open book. Everybody knows what I'm going to do. Cut taxes very substantially. And create a great economy like I did before. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *<i>regarding inflation during the Biden presidency:</i><br><b>I had no inflation,</b> virtually no inflation, they had the highest inflation, perhaps in the history of our country because I've never seen a worse period of time. <b>People can't go out and buy cereal bacon or eggs or anything else.</b> These the people of our country are absolutely dying with what they've done. They've destroyed the economy and all you have to do it look at a poll. The polls say 80 and 85 and even 90% that the Trump economy was great that their economy was terrible. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *We hardly make chips anymore because of philosophies like they have and policies like they have. I don't say her because she has no policy. Everything that she believed three years ago and four years ago is out the window. She's going to my philosophy now. In fact, I was going to send her a MAGA hat. She's gone to my philosophy. But if she ever got elected, she'd change it. And it will be the end of our country. <b>She's a Marxist. Everybody knows she's a Marxist.</b> **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *But when you look at what she's done to our country and when you look at these <b>millions and millions of people that are pouring into our country monthly</b> where it's I believe 21 million people, not the 15 that people say, and I think it's a lot higher than the 21. That's bigger than New York state. Pouring in. And just look at what they're doing to our country. They're criminals. Many of these people coming in are criminals. And that's bad for our economy too. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *<i>LINSEY DAVIS: …Vice President Harris says that women shouldn't trust you on the issue of abortion because you've changed your position so many times. Therefore, why should they trust you?</i><br>Well, the reason I'm doing that vote [voting “no” on the Florida abortion ban] is because the plan is, as you know, the vote is, they have abortion in the ninth month. They even have, and you can look at the governor of West Virginia, the previous governor of West Virginia, not the current governor, who's doing an excellent job, but the governor before. He said the baby will be born and we will decide what to do with the baby. In other words, we'll execute the baby. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *But her vice presidential pick [Tim Walz] says abortion in the ninth month is absolutely fine. <b>He also says execution after birth, it's execution, no longer abortion, because the baby is born, is okay.</b> And that's not okay with me. Hence the vote. But what I did is something for 52 years they've been trying to get Roe v. Wade into the states. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *And now states are voting on it. And for the first time you're going to see -- look, this is an issue that's torn our country apart for 52 years. Every legal scholar, every Democrat, every Republican, liberal, conservative, they all wanted this issue to be brought back to the states where the people could vote. And that's what happened, happened. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *<i>KAMALA HARRIS: …But understand, if Donald Trump were to be re-elected, he will sign a national abortion ban….</i><br>I’m not signing a ban. And there's no reason to sign a ban. Because we've gotten what everybody wanted. Democrats, Republicans and everybody else and every legal scholar wanted it to be brought back into the states. And the states are voting. And it may take a little time, but for 52 years this issue has torn our country apart. And they've wanted it back in the states. And I did something that nobody thought was possible. The states are now voting. What she says is an absolute lie. And as far as the abortion ban, no, I'm not in favor of abortion ban. But it doesn't matter because this issue has now been taken over by the states. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *<i>KAMALA HARRIS: …You will see during the course of his rallies he talks about fictional characters like Hannibal Lecter. He will talk about windmills cause cancer. And what you will also notice is that people start leaving his rallies early out of exhaustion and boredom….</i><br>First let me respond as to the rallies. She said people start leaving. <b>People don't go to her rallies.</b> There's no reason to go. And the people that do go, <b>she's busing them in and paying them to be there.</b> And then showing them in a different light. So, she can't talk about that. People don't leave my rallies. <b>We have the biggest rallies, the most incredible rallies in the history of politics.</b> That's because people want to take their country back. Our country is being lost. <b>We're a failing nation. And it happened three and a half years ago.</b> And what, what's going on here, <b>you're going to end up in World War 3,</b> just to go into another subject. What they have done to our country by allowing these millions and millions of people to come into our country. And look at what's happening to the towns all over the United States. And a lot of towns don't want to talk -- not going to be Aurora or Springfield. A lot of towns don't want to talk about it because they're so embarrassed by it. <b>In Springfield, they're eating the dogs. The people that came in. They're eating the cats. They're eating -- they're eating the pets of the people that live there.</b> And this is what's happening in our country. And it's a shame….<br><I>DAVID MUIR: I just want to clarify here, you bring up Springfield, Ohio. And ABC News did reach out to the city manager there. He told us there have been no credible reports of specific claims of pets being harmed, injured or abused by individuals within the immigrant community --</i><br><b>Well, I've seen people on television</b><br><i>DAVID MUIR: Let me just say here this ...</i><br><b>The people on television say my dog was taken and used for food.</b> So maybe he said that and maybe that's a good thing to say for a city manager.<br><i>DAVID MUIR: I'm not taking this from television. I'm taking it from the city manager.</i><br><b>But the people on television say their dog was eaten by the people that went there.</b><br><i>DAVID MUIR: Again, the Springfield city manager says there's no evidence of that.</i><br>*<b>We'll find out.</b> **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *But just to finish, I got more votes than any Republican in history by far. In fact, I got more votes than any president, sitting president in history by far. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *<i>DAVID MUIR: You also said you would use local police. How would you deport 11 million undocumented immigrants? I know you believe that number is much higher….</i><br> Yeah. It is much higher because of them. They allowed criminals. Many, many, millions of criminals. They allowed terrorists. They allowed common street criminals. They allowed people to come in, drug dealers, to come into our country, and they're now in the United States. And told by their countries like Venezuela don't ever come back or we're going to kill you. Do you know that crime in Venezuela and crime in countries all over the world is way down? You know why? Because they've taken their criminals off the street and they've given them to her to put into our country. And this will be one of the greatest mistakes in history for them to allow -- and I think they probably did it because they think they're going to get votes. But it's not worth it. Because they're destroying the fabric of our country by what they've done. There's never been anything done like this at all. They've destroyed the fabric of our country. Millions of people let in. And all over the world crime is down. All over the world except here. Crime here is up and through the roof. Despite their fraudulent statements that they made. Crime in this country is through the roof. And we have a new form of crime. It's called migrant crime. And it's happening at levels that nobody thought possible.<br><i>DAVID MUIR: President Trump, as you know, the FBI says overall violent crime is actually coming down in this country, but Vice President the...</i><br>Excuse me, the FBI -- they were defrauding statements. They didn't include the worst cities. They didn't include the cities with the worst crime. It was a fraud. Just like their number of 818,000 jobs that they said they created turned out to be a fraud. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *<i>Responding to Harris listing the criminal cases against Trump:</i><br>Excuse me. Every one of those cases was started by them against their political opponent. And I'm winning most of them and I'll win the rest on appeal. And you saw that with the decision that came down just recently from the Supreme Court. I'm winning most of them. But those are cases, it's called weaponization. Never happened in this country. They weaponized the justice department. Every one of those cases was involved with the DOJ, from Atlanta and Fani Willis -- to the attorney general of New York and the D.A. In New York. Every one of those cases. And then they say oh, he was -- he's a criminal. They're the ones that made them go after me. By the way, Joe Biden was found essentially guilty on the documents case. And what happened in my documents case? They said oh, that's the toughest of them all. A complete and total victory. Two months ago it was thrown out. It's weaponization. And they used it. And it's never happened in this country. They used it to try and win an election. They're fake cases….<br>…This is the one that weaponized. Not me. She weaponized. I probably took a bullet to the head because of the things that they say about me. They talk about democracy. I'm a threat to democracy. They're the threat to democracy – With the fake Russia Russia Russia investigation that went nowhere. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *<i>Responding to Harris‘ statement that he inherited $400 million:</i><br>Well, first of all, I wasn't given $400 million. I wish I was. My father was a Brooklyn builder. Brooklyn, Queens. And a great father and I learned a lot from him. But I was given a fraction of that, a tiny fraction, and I built it into many, many billions of dollars. Many, many billions. And when people see it, they are even surprised. So, we don't have to talk about that. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *She went out -- she went out in Minnesota and wanted to let criminals that killed people, that burned down Minneapolis, she went out and raised money to get them out of jail. She did things that nobody would ever think of. Now she wants to do transgender operations on illegal aliens that are in prison. This is a radical left liberal that would do this. She wants to confiscate your guns and she will never allow fracking in Pennsylvania. If she won the election, fracking in Pennsylvania will end on day one. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *Because <b>the prices of energy were quadrupling and doubling.</b> You saw what happened to gasoline. So, they said let’s go back to Trump. But if she won the election, the day after that election, they’ll go back to destroying our country and oil will be dead, fossil fuel will be dead. We’ll go back to windmills and we’ll go back to solar, where they need a whole desert to get some energy to come out. You ever see a solar plant? By the way, I’m a big fan of solar. But they take 400, 500 acres of desert soil— These are not good things for the environment that she understands. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *<i>DAVID MUIR: You were the president. You were watching [the January 6th attack on the U.S. Capitol] unfold on television. It’s a very simple question as we move forward toward another election. Is there anything you regret about what you did on that day? Yes or no.<br></i>I had nothing to do with that other than they asked me to make a speech. I showed up for a speech. I said, I think it’s going to be big. I went to Nancy Pelosi and the mayor of Washington, D.C. And the mayor put it back in writing, as you know. I said, you know, this is going to be a very big rally or whatever you want to call it. And again, it wasn’t done by me. It was done by others. I said I’d like to give you 10,000 National Guard or soldiers. They rejected me. Nancy Pelosi rejected me. It was just two weeks ago, her daughter has a tape of her saying she is fully responsible for what happened. They want to get rid of that tape. It would have never happened if Nancy Pelosi and the mayor of Washington did their jobs. <b>I wasn’t responsible for security. Nancy Pelosi was responsible. She didn’t do her job.</b> **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *<i>DAVID MUIR: Are you now acknowledging that you lost in 2020?</i><br>No, I don’t acknowledge that at all.<br><i>DAVID MUIR: But you did say that.</i><br>I said that sarcastically. You know that. It was said, oh we lost by a whisker. That was said sarcastically. Look, there’s so much proof. All you have to do is look at it. And they should have sent it back to the legislatures for approval. I got almost 75 million votes. The most votes any sitting president has ever gotten. I was told if I got 63, which was what I got in 2016, you can’t be beaten. The election, people should never be thinking about an election as fraudulent. We need two things. We need walls. We need — and we have to have it. We have to have borders. And we have to have good elections.<br>Our elections are bad. And a lot of these illegal immigrants coming in, they’re trying to get them to vote. They can’t even speak English. They don’t even know what country they’re in practically. And these people are trying to get them to vote. And that’s why they’re allowing them to come into our country. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *<i>DAVID MUIR: And [many judges] said there was no widespread [election] fraud.</i><br> No judge looked at it. They said we didn’t have standing. That’s the other thing. They said we didn’t have standing. A technicality. Can you imagine a system where a person in an election doesn’t have standing, the President of the United States doesn’t have standing? That’s how we lost. If you look at the facts, and I’d love to have you — you’ll do a special on it. I’ll show you Georgia and I’ll show you Wisconsin and I’ll show you Pennsylvania and I’ll show you — we have so many facts and statistics. But you know what? That doesn’t matter. Because we have to solve the problem that we have right now. That’s old news. And the problem that we have right now is we have a nation in decline and they have put it into decline. We have a nation that is dying, David **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *<i>KAMALA HARRIS: …And world leaders are laughing at Donald Trump. I have talked with military leaders, some of whom worked with you. And they say you’re a disgrace….</i><br><i>DAVID MUIR: I’ll give you one minute to respond, Mr. President.</i><br>Let me just tell you about world leaders. Viktor Orban, one of the most respected men — they call him a strong man. He’s a tough person. Smart. Prime Minister of Hungary. They said why is the whole world blowing up? Three years ago it wasn’t. Why is it blowing up? He said because you need Trump back as president. They were afraid of him. China was afraid. And I don’t like to use the word afraid but I’m just quoting him. China was afraid of him. North Korea was afraid of him. Look at what’s going on with North Korea, by the way. He said Russia was afraid of him….<br>Look, Viktor Orban said it. He said the most respected, most feared person is Donald Trump. We had no problems when Trump was president. But when this weak pathetic man that you saw at a debate just a few months ago that if he weren’t in that debate he’d be running instead of her, she got no votes, he got 14 million votes, what you did, you talk about a threat to democracy. He got 14 million votes [in the primaries] and they threw him out of office. And you know what? I’ll give you a little secret. He hates her. He can’t stand her…. But he had 14 million votes. They threw them out. She got zero votes. And when she ran, she was the first one to leave because she failed. And now she’s running. I don’t understand it but I’m okay with it – because I think we’re going to do pretty well. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *<i>LINSEY DAVIS: President Trump, how would you negotiate with Netanyahu and also Hamas in order to get the hostages out and prevent the killing of more innocent civilians in Gaza?</i><br>If I were president it would have never started. If I were president Russia would have never, ever -- I know Putin very well. He would have never -- and there was no threat of it either, by the way, for four years. Have gone into Ukraine and killed millions of people when you add it up. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *She hates Israel. <b>If she's president, I believe that Israel will not exist within two years from now. And I've been pretty good at predictions.</b> And I hope I'm wrong about that one. She hates Israel. At the same time in her own way she hates the Arab population because the whole place is going to get blown up, Arabs, Jewish people, Israel. Israel will be gone. It would have never happened. Iran was broke under Donald Trump. Now Iran has $300 billion because they took off all the sanctions that I had. Iran had no money for Hamas or Hezbollah or any of the 28 different spheres of terror. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *And I'll get the war with Ukraine and Russia ended. If I'm President-Elect, I'll get it done before even becoming president. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *<i>KAMALA HARRIS: …It is well known that he said of Putin that he can do whatever the hell he wants and go into Ukraine. It is well known when that he said when Russia went into Ukraine it was brilliant….</i><br>They're the ones -- and she's the one that caused it, that's weak on national security by allowing every nation last month for the year, 168 different countries sending people into our country. Their crime rates are way down. Putin endorsed her last week. Said I hope she wins. And I think he meant it. Because what he's gotten away with is absolutely incredible. It wouldn't have happened with me. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *<i>DAVID MUIR: …You have said you would solve this war [in Ukraine] in 24 hours. How exactly would you do that? And I want to ask you a very simple question tonight. Do you want Ukraine to win this war?</i><br>I want to get the war settled. I know Zelenskyy very well and I know Putin very well. I have a good relationship. And they respect your president. Okay? They respect me. They don't respect Biden….<br>If I win, when I'm President-Elect, and what I'll do is I'll speak to one, I'll speak to the other, I'll get them together. That war would have never happened. And in fact when I saw Putin after I left, unfortunately left because our country has gone to hell, but after I left when I saw him building up soldiers, he did it after I left, I said oh, he must be negotiating. It must be a good strong point of negotiation. Well, it wasn't because Biden had no idea how to talk to him. He had no idea how to stop it. And now you have millions of people dead and it's only getting worse and it could lead to World War 3. Don't kid yourself, David. We're playing with World War 3. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *And we have a president that we don't even know if he's -- where is our president? We don't even know if he's a president.<br><i>DAVID MUIR: And just to clarify here.</I><br>They threw him out of a campaign like a dog. We don't even know, is he our president? But we have a president…<br><i>DAVID MUIR: Mr. President,--</i><br>…that doesn't know he's alive. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *<i>KAMALA HARRIS: …If Donald Trump were president, Putin would be sitting in Kyiv right now….</i><br>Putin would be sitting in Moscow and he wouldn't have lost 300,000 men and women. But he would have been sitting in Moscow… But eventually, you know, he's got a thing that other people don't have. <b>He's got nuclear weapons. They don't ever talk about that. He's got nuclear weapons. Nobody ever thinks about that.</b> And eventually uh maybe he'll use them. Maybe he hasn't been that threatening. But he does have that. Something we don't even like to talk about. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *And that's the kind of talent we have with her. She's worse than Biden. In my opinion, I think he's the worst president in the history of our country. She goes down as the worst vice president in the history of our country. But let me tell you something. She is a horrible negotiator. They sent her in to negotiate. As soon as they left Putin did the invasion. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *<i>KAMALA HARRIS: [Regarding a peace deal Trump negotiated to end the Afghan War:] He bypassed the Afghan government. He negotiated directly with a terrorist organization called the Taliban. The negotiation involved the Taliban getting 5,000 terrorists, Taliban terrorists released.</i><br>So if you take a look at that period of time, the Taliban was killing our soldiers, a lot of them, with snipers. And I got involved with the Taliban because the Taliban was doing the killing. That's the fighting force within Afghanistan. They don't bother doing that because you know, they deal with the wrong people all the time. But I got involved. And Abdul is the head of the Taliban. He is still the head of the Taliban. And I told Abdul don't do it anymore, you do it anymore you're going to have problems. And he said why do you send me a picture of my house? I said you're going to have to figure that out, Abdul. And for 18 months we had nobody killed. We did have an agreement negotiated by Mike Pompeo. It was a very good agreement. The reason it was good, it was -- we were getting out. We would have been out faster than them, but we wouldn't have lost the soldiers. We wouldn't have left many Americans behind. And we wouldn't have left -- we wouldn't have left $85 billion worth of brand new beautiful military equipment behind. And just to finish, they blew it. The agreement said you have to do this, this, this, this, this, and they didn't do it. They didn't do it. The agreement was, was terminated by us because they didn't do what they were supposed to do. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *<i>DAVID MUIR: …Why do you believe it's appropriate to weigh in on the racial identity of your opponent?</i><br>I don't. And I don't care. I don't care what she is. I don't care. You make a big deal out of something. I couldn't care less. Whatever she wants to be is okay with me.<br><i>DAVID MUIR: But those were your words. So, I'm asking --</i><br>I don't know. I don't know. All I can say is I read where she was not Black, that she put out. And, I'll say that. And then I read that she was black. And that's okay. Either one was okay with me. That's up to her. That's up to her. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *<i>KAMALA HARRIS: …Let's remember, this is the same individual who took out a full-page ad in The New York Times calling for the execution of five young Black and Latino boys who were innocent, the Central Park Five. Took out a full-page ad calling for their execution….</i><br>This is the most divisive presidency in the history of our country. There's never been anything like it. They're destroying our country. And they come up with things like what she just said going back many, many years when a lot of people including Mayor Bloomberg agreed with me on the Central Park Five. They admitted -- they said, they pled guilty. And I said, well, if they pled guilty they badly hurt a person, killed a person ultimately. And if they pled guilty -- then they pled we're not guilty. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *<b>I built one of the greatest economies in the history of the world and I'm going to build it again.</b> It's going to be bigger, better and stronger. But they're destroying our economy. They have no idea what a good economy is. Their oil policies -- every single policy -- and remember this. She is Biden. She's trying to get away from Biden. I don't know the gentleman, she says. She is Biden. The worst inflation we've ever had. A horrible economy because inflation has made it so bad and she can't get away with that. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *She is destroying our country. She has a plan to defund the police. She has a plan to confiscate everybody's gun. She has a plan to not allow fracking in Pennsylvania or anywhere else. That's what her plan is until just recently. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *<i>LINSEY DAVIS: …So tonight, nine years after you first started running, do you have a [healthcare] plan and can you tell us what it is?</i><br>Obamacare was lousy health care. Always was. It's not very good today. And what I said, that if we come up with something, we are working on things, we're going to do it and we're going to replace it…. And what we will do is we're looking at different plans. If we can come up with a plan that's going to cost our people, our population less money and be better health care than Obamacare, then I would absolutely do it. But until then I'd run it as good as it can be run.<br><i>LINSEY DAVIS: So just a yes or no, you still do not have a plan?</i><br>I have concepts of a plan. I'm not president right now. But if we come up with something I would only change it if we come up with something better and less expensive. And there are concepts and options we have to do that. And you'll be hearing about it in the not-too-distant future. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *<i>Closing Statement:</i><br>…We're a failing nation. We're a nation that's in serious decline. We're being laughed at all over the world. All over the world, they laugh, I know the leaders very well. They're coming to see me. They call me. We're laughed at all over the world. They don't understand what happened to us as a nation. We're not a leader. We don't have any idea what's going on. We have wars going on in the Middle East. We have wars going on with Russia and Ukraine. We're going to end up in a third World War. And it will be a war like no other because of nuclear weapons, the power of weaponry. I rebuilt our entire military. She gave a lot of it away to the Taliban. She gave it to Afghanistan. What these people have done to our country, and maybe toughest of all is allowing millions of people to come into our country, many of them are criminals, and they're destroying our country. The worst president, the worst vice president in the history of our country. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024) *It was 3 on 1, but they were mentally challenged people, against one person of extraordinary genius. **[https://www.mediaite.com/politics/abc-fake-news-trump-rages-network-under-investigation-after-debate-3-mentally-challenged-people-on-1-extraordinary-genius/] *They didn't correct her [Harris] once and they corrected me. Everything I said, practically, I think 9 times or 11 times. And the audience was absolutely, they went crazy. And the real, I thought, I walked off and I said, 'that was a great debate, I loved it.' **Regarding the debate audience (which there wasn‘t one), [https://www.newsweek.com/trump-praises-nonexistent-debate-crowd-they-went-crazy-1956251 Donald Trump's Debate Crowd Comment Sparks Confusion: 'They Went Crazy'], ''Newsweek'' (September 19, 2024) ==== October 2024 ==== * We do a lot of these beautiful rallies, and it's so great. We never have an empty seat, never have. Look at it. ** [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-rally-videos-empty-seats-1966810 "Donald Trump Rally Videos Show Hundreds of Empty Seats"], ''Newsweek'' (October 10, 2024) *We have two enemies: We have the outside enemy, and then we have the enemy from within. And the enemy from within, in my opinion, is more dangerous than China, Russia and all these countries… But the thing that's tougher to handle are these lunatics that we have inside, like Adam Schiff — Adam 'Shifty' Schiff… I call him the enemy from within. When you look at the danger he put our country in potentially with Russia — with a phony, made-up deal that he made up with Hillary and some bad people. ** [https://www.foxnews.com/media/former-president-trump-calls-enemy-within-more-dangerous-any-foreign-entity Former President Trump calls the 'enemy from within' more dangerous than any foreign entity] ''FoxNews'' (October 13, 2024) *So we’re gonna take care of it, you and me. I’ll tell you, if everything works out and everybody gets out on January 5th, or before. You know, it used to be, you’d have a date. Today, you can vote two months before, probably three months after. They don’t know what the hell they’re doing. But we’re gonna straighten it all out. We’re gonna straighten that out, too. We’re gonna straighten out our election process, too. That’s gotta be important also. **[https://www.mediaite.com/politics/whoops-trump-tells-supporters-to-get-out-and-vote-on-january-5th/ Whoops! Trump Tells Supporters to Get Out and Vote on ‘January 5th’] ''Mediaite'' (October 14, 2024) *Let’s not do any more questions. Let’s just listen to music. Let’s make it into a music. Who the hell wants to hear questions, right? **[https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/ar-AA1sha0E Trump sways and bops to music for 39 minutes in bizarre town hall episode] ''The Washington Post'' (October 14, 2024) *To me, the most beautiful word in the dictionary is tariff, and it’s my favorite word. It needs a public relations firm. **[https://www.bloomberg.com/news/newsletters/2024-10-15/in-trump-s-economic-plan-tariff-is-the-most-beautiful-word In Trump’s Economic Plan, Tariff Is ‘the Most Beautiful Word’] ‘’Bloomberg News’’ (October 15, 2024) * I’m the father of IVF. ** [https://edition.cnn.com/2024/10/16/politics/fact-check-trump-false-claims-fox-townhall/index.html "Fact check: Trump makes at least 19 false claims in one-hour Fox town hall with women"], ''CNN'' (October 16, 2024) * [[w:Ashli Babbitt | Ashli Babbitt]] was killed, nobody was killed. ** Claimed about the [[2021 United States Capitol attack| January 6, 2020 United States Capitol attack]]. Quoted in [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-univision-town-hall-hispanic-voters-audience-reaction-1970402 "Univision Audience Reaction to Donald Trump Answer in Town Hall Goes Viral"], ''Newsweek'' (October 17, 2024) *Very importantly, you had hundreds of thousands of people come to Washington [on January 6th]. They didn’t come because of me. They came because of the election. They thought the election was a rigged election and that’s why they came. Some of those people went down to the Capitol, I said, peacefully and patriotically, nothing done wrong at all. Nothing done wrong. And action was taken, strong action. Ashli Babbitt was killed. Nobody was killed. There were no guns down there. We didn’t have guns. The others had guns, but we didn’t have guns. And when I say “we” these are people that walk down, this was a tiny percentage of the overall, which nobody sees and nobody shows.<br>But that was a day of love from the standpoint of the millions, it’s like hundreds of thousands. It could have been the largest group I’ve ever spoken before. They asked me to speak. I went and I spoke and I used the term peacefully and patriotically. If you look at the Democrats, what they say, you look at Maxine Waters, and you look at Hillary Clinton and you look at what they say and they don’t put that on. They only put Republicans on, but they couldn’t get me because of the fact that I said, everything’s got to be peaceful and patriotic and we’ll see how it all works out. **In response to a question about why a voter should support Trump after his role on January 6th [https://www.rev.com/blog/transcripts/trump-town-hall-on-univision Trump Town Hall on Univision] (October 17, 2024) *Kamala should be investigated and forced off the Campaign, and Joe Biden allowed to take back his rightful place (He got 14 Million Primary Votes, she got none!). THIS WHOLE SORDID AND FRAUDULENT EVENT IS A THREAT TO DEMOCRACY! **As it appeared on Truth Social, reported in [https://www.mediaite.com/politics/trump-melts-down-in-wild-post-claiming-kamala-harris-should-be-investigated-and-biden-should-be-his-opponent-again/ Trump Melts Down In Wild Post Claiming Kamala Harris ‘Should Be Investigated’ And Biden Should Be His Opponent Again] Mediaite (October 17, 2024) * We have another former New York City mayor with us. Frankly, easily the worst in our history. And it's not [[Michael Bloomberg|Michael]], that I can tell you. I'm surprised that [[Bill de Blasio|Bill de Blasio]] was actually able to make it tonight, to be honest. He was a terrible mayor. I don't give a shit if this is comedy or not. He was a terrible mayor. He did a horrible job. That's not comedy, by the way. That's fact. ** Al Smith dinner (October 17, 2024) * If we go with Kamala, you won’t have any cows anymore.<br>They want to do things like no more cows and no windows in buildings. ** [https://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/4941581-trump-says-no-cows-under-harris/ "Trump tells child there will be no cows under Harris"], ''The Hill'' (October 18, 2024) *<i>Howard Kurtz:</i> But when you said, you know, it's gone viral, they're eating the dogs, they're eating the cats. But why not say now, well, look, that turned out not to be true.<br><i>Trump:</i> I don't know if it's true or not true.<br><i>Kurtz:</i> You don't know if it's true or not true. It's been debunked by the officials.<br><i>Trump:</i> What about the goose? The geese? They're all missing. It was one guy with two geese. I have no idea. I said something. The big problem is that you can't put 30,000 people into a 50,000-person town or city and expect this city to even survive or do well. What they've done to Springfield, Ohio, is very, very unfair. And I mean, there are a lot of stories. There are a lot of other stories that I've heard that are horrible stories... Don't don't, you know, blame me.<br><i>Kurtz:</i> Well, I think it's been debunked by local officials.<br><i>Trump:</i> I don't think it's been debunked at all. I think nobody talks about it except you. *If radical left lunatics disrupt the election, it should be very easily handled by — if necessary, by National Guard, or if really necessary, by the military. **Interview with Fox New host Howard Kurtz in [https://www.rawstory.com/trump-haitians-debunked/ 'It's been debunked': Fox News host fact checks Trump to his face on Springfield Haitians] ''RawStory'' (October 20, 2024) [https://whyy.org/articles/trump-election-2024-kamala-harris-elizabeth-cheney-threat-civil-liberties/] *Comrade Kamala Harris sees that she is losing, and losing badly, especially after stealing the Race from Crooked Joe Biden, so now she is increasingly raising her rhetoric, going so far as to call me Adolf Hitler, and anything else that comes to her warped mind. She is a Threat to Democracy **[https://nitter.poast.org/realDonaldTrump/status/1849272632237056163#m] *I NEED THE KIND OF GENERALS THAT HITLER HAD **[https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2024/10/trump-military-generals-hitler/680327/] *When Kamala came in, she dismantled our border and threw open the gates to an invasion of criminal migrants. We're a dumping ground. We're like a garbage can for the world. That's what's happened. That's what's happened to our ... We're like a garbage can **[https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-ripped-saying-america-garbage-can-1974727] *He’d take all the candy away very quickly. She wouldn’t have any idea what happened. It would be like a grand chess master playing a beginner. We would lose our country or be in World War III,because she’d get exasperated. She’s in no way able to handle him. He’s a fierce individual. **[https://nypost.com/2024/10/24/us-news/trump-says-iranian-regime-wouldnt-have-to-end-if-he-were-president-suggests-peace-could-be-close/?utm_source=twitter&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=nypost] *Now we have income taxes, and we have people that are dying. They're paying tax, and they don't have the money to pay the tax. In the old days … we had so much money, they had to set up committees, blue-ribbon committees, [on] how to spend our wealth. We had no idea how to spend it with so much money. Then we went to the income tax system and the rest is sort of history. But no, there is a way **[https://www.foxnews.com/media/trump-tells-bronx-barbershop-what-he-would-do-differently-elected-second-time-its-all-about-people] *And my people told me about four weeks ago, I was saying, ‘No, I want to protect the people. I want to protect the women of our country. I want to protect the women.’<br>“‘Sir, please don’t say that.’<br>“They said, ‘We think it’s, it’s very inappropriate for you to say.’<br>“I pay these guys a lot of money. Can you believe it? Well, I’m going to do it whether the women like it or not. I’m going to protect them. **[https://www.huffpost.com/entry/donald-trump-protect-women-green-bay-rally_n_6722f2d1e4b02f5ab1d23299 Trump Says He Will Protect Women ‘Whether The Women Like It Or Not’] ''HuffPost'' (October 30, 2024) *She's a radical war hawk. Let's put her with a rifle standing there, with nine barrels shooting at her, okay? Let's see how she feels about it, you know, when the guns are trained on her face. **Referring to [[Liz Cheney]], reported in [https://www.reuters.com/world/us/trump-suggests-liz-cheney-should-face-firing-squad-her-foreign-policy-stance-2024-11-01/ Arizona prosecutor investigating Trump for saying Cheney should face gunfire] ''Reuters'' (October 31, 2024) ==== November 2024 ==== *I could’ve been anywhere I wanted to be. I could’ve had those waves smacking me in the face. That white, beautiful white skin that I have would be nice and tan. I got the whitest skin ’cause I never have time to go out in the sun. But I have that beautiful white, and you know what? It could’ve been beautiful, tanned, beautiful. **[https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-boasts-he-has-beautiful-white-skin-right-after-slamming-kamala-harris/ar-AA1tmtNv Trump Boasts He Has ‘Beautiful White Skin’ Right After Slamming Kamala Harris] ''MSN'' (November 2, 2024) *I shouldn’t have left. I mean, honestly, because we did so, we did so well. **[https://www.cnn.com/2024/11/03/politics/trump-dark-closing-message/index.html Trump says he ‘shouldn’t have left’ the White House as he closes campaign with increasingly dark message] ''CNN'' (November 3, 2024) * In many cases, our allies are worse than our so-called enemies. ** Claimed about allied NATO members and Russia, quoted in [https://tvpworld.com/83295959/us-elections-trump-calls-allies-worse-than-enemies "Trump claims US is being exploited by allies, calls them ‘worse than enemies’"], ''TVP World'' (November 3, 2024) *Now I want to take this opportunity to give you some advice. Over the course of your life, you will find that things are not always fair, you will find that things happen to you that you do not deserve, and that are not always warranted, but you have to put your head down, and FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! Never ever ever give up, things will work out just fine. Look at the way I've been treated lately, especially by the media. No politician in history, and I say this is great surety, has been treated worse, more unfairly. You can't let them get you down, you can't let the critics, and the naysayers get in the way of your dream. I guess that's why I won, thank you. I guess that's why we won. Adversity makes you stronger, don't give in, don't back down, and never stop doing what you know is right. Nothing worth doing, ever ever ever came easy, and the more righteous you fight, the more opposition that you will face. I've accomplished a tremendous amount, in a very short time as president. **Speech (November 6, 2024){{fact}} *Any Republican Senator seeking the coveted LEADERSHIP position in the United States Senate must agree to Recess Appointments (in the Senate!), without which we will not be able to get people confirmed in a timely manner. Sometimes the votes can take two years, or more. This is what they did four years ago, and we cannot let it happen again. We need positions filled IMMEDIATELY! **[https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/congress/trump-senate-majority-candidates-recess-appointments-rcna179515 Trump declares Senate majority candidates should allow him to make recess appointments] ''NBC News'' (November 10, 2024) ==== December 2024 ==== * I spoke to over 100 countries. You wouldn’t believe how many countries there are. ** 16 December 2024, [https://www.politico.com/news/2024/12/16/trump-defamation-polio-001230 Politico] and [https://edition.cnn.com/2024/12/17/politics/trump-honeymoon-analysis/index.html CNN] ===2025=== ====January 2025==== *The Fourteenth Amendment has always excluded from birthright citizenship persons who were born in the United States but not “subject to the jurisdiction thereof.” Consistent with this understanding, the Congress has further specified through legislation that “a person born in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof” is a national and citizen of the United States at birth, 8 U.S.C. 1401, generally mirroring the Fourteenth Amendment’s text.<br>Among the categories of individuals born in the United States and not subject to the jurisdiction thereof, the privilege of United States citizenship does not automatically extend to persons born in the United States: (1) when that person’s mother was unlawfully present in the United States and the father was not a United States citizen or lawful permanent resident at the time of said person’s birth, or (2) when that person’s mother’s presence in the United States at the time of said person’s birth was lawful but temporary (such as, but not limited to, visiting the United States under the auspices of the Visa Waiver Program or visiting on a student, work, or tourist visa) and the father was not a United States citizen or lawful permanent resident at the time of said person’s birth. **20 January 2025 action [https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/01/protecting-the-meaning-and-value-of-american-citizenship/ Protecting The Meaning And Value Of American Citizenship] *I’d like Egypt to take people. You're talking about probably a million and a half people, and we just clean out that whole thing and say, 'You know, it's over.’ **Regarding what to do with the Palestinian refugees currently on the Gaza Strip, quoted in [https://www.npr.org/2025/01/26/g-s1-44831/trump-jordan-egypt-accept-more-refugees-just-clean-out-gaza Trump wants Jordan and Egypt to accept more refugees to 'just clean out' Gaza] ''NPR'' (January 26, 2025) *Because I have common sense, OK, and unfortunately a lot of people don't. **When asked how he could come to the conclusion that FAA diversity policies had something to do with the fatal air disaster at Reagan Washington National Airport, quoted in [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/trump-evidence-appears-blame-faa-diversity-initiatives-factor/story?id=118272015 Trump goes on offensive against FAA diversity initiatives during DC crash briefing, prompts fierce backlash] ''ABC News'' (January 30, 2025) ===== Second Inaugural Address (January 20th, 2025) ===== *From this day forward, our country will flourish and be respected again all over the world. We will be the envy of every nation, and we will not allow ourselves to be taken advantage of any longer. During every single day of the Trump administration, I will very simply put America first. *My recent election is a mandate to completely and totally reverse a horrible betrayal and all of these many betrayals that have taken place and to give the people back their faith, their wealth, their democracy, and, indeed, their freedom. From this moment on, America’s decline is over. *Just a few months ago, in a beautiful Pennsylvania field, an assassin’s bullet ripped through my ear. But I felt then and believe even more so now that my life was saved for a reason. '''I was saved by God to Make America Great Again.''' *Today, I will sign a series of historic executive orders. With these actions, we will begin the complete restoration of America and the revolution of common sense. It’s all about common sense. *We will measure our success not only by the battles we win, but also by the wars that we end, and perhaps most importantly, the wars we never get into. My proudest legacy will be that of a peacemaker and unifier. That’s what I want to be. A peacemaker and a unifier. *I stand before you now as proof that you should never believe that something is impossible to do. In America, the impossible is what we do best. *We will stand bravely, we will live proudly, we will dream boldly, and nothing will stand in our way because we are Americans. The future is ours, and our golden age has just begun. **[https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Donald_Trump%27s_Inaugural_Address_(2025) Second inaugural address], 20 January 2025 ====February 2025==== [[File:Trump - Long Live the King.jpg|thumb|Manhattan, and all of New York, is SAVED. LONG LIVE THE KING!]] *They haven’t done that [attempted to assassinate Trump] and that would be a terrible thing for them to do. Not because of me— if they did that, they would be obliterated. That would be the end. I’ve left instructions, if they do it, they get obliterated, there won’t be anything left. **When questioned about Iran and proxies threatening to assassinate him after he signed executive order to put ‘maximum pressure’ on Iran, quoted in [https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/5126429-trump-iran-assassinate/ Trump warns he left instructions to ‘obliterate’ Iran if he is assassinated] ‘’The Hill’’ (February 4, 2025) *The only reason the Palestinians want to go back to Gaza is they have no alternative. It's right now a demolition site. This is just a demolition site. Virtually every building is down. They're living under fallen concrete that's very dangerous and very precarious. They instead can occupy all of a beautiful area with homes and safety and they can live out their lives in peace and harmony instead of having to go back and do it again. The US will take over the Gaza Strip and we will do a job with it too. We'll own it and be responsible for dismantling all of the dangerous unexploded bombs and other weapons on the site, level the site and get rid of the destroyed buildings, level it out. Create an economic development that will supply unlimited numbers of jobs and housing for the people of the area. Do a real job, do something different.<br>... So, by the United States, with its stability and strength, owning it, especially the strength that we're developing and developed over the last fairly short period of time, I would say really since the election, I think we'll be a great keeper of something that is very, very strong, very powerful and very, very good for the area, not just for Israel, for the entire Middle East.<br>... I do see a long-term ownership position and I see it bringing great stability to that part of the Middle East, and maybe the entire Middle East. And everybody I've spoken to - this was not a decision made lightly. Everybody I've spoken to loves the idea of the United States owning that piece of land, developing and creating thousands of jobs with something that will be magnificent in a really magnificent area that nobody would know. **Quoted from [https://www.middleeasteye.net/news/full-text-trump-and-netanyahus-explosive-news-conference Full text of Trump and Netanyahu's explosive news conference] ‘’Middle East Eye’’ (February 5, 2025) *We’re very disappointed with the judges that would make such a ruling. But we have a long way to go. We have to look, we have to find all of the fraud that’s going on. We have tremendous fraud, tremendous waste, and tremendous abuse, and theft, by the way. And the day you’re not allowed to look for theft and fraud, et cetera, then we don’t have much of a country. So, no judge should frankly be allowed to make that kind of a decision. It’s a disgrace. **In response to a reporter's question concerning the court order blocking DOGE from investigating the Treasury Department, quoted in [https://www.newsbreak.com/the-new-republic-1991457/3799841114310-trump-s-reaction-to-court-order-blocking-doge-is-as-ominous-as-it-gets Trump’s Reaction to Court Order Blocking DOGE Is as Ominous as It Gets] ''NewsBreak'' (February 10, 2025) *You know bullies? You know what a bully is, right? You know the bully, I’ve always ― and I found it throughout my life ― a bully is the weakest person. And they’re bullies. Hamas is bullies. The weakest people are bullies. You know that, right? **[https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/stunning-freudian-slip-trump-s-hot-take-on-bullies-leads-to-epic-self-own/ar-AA1ySPe3 'Stunning Freudian Slip': Trump's Hot Take On Bullies Leads To Epic 'Self Own'] ''HuffPost'' (February 12, 2025) *He who saves his Country does not violate any Law **15 February 2025 on [https://x.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1890831570535055759 X tweet] and ''Truth Social'', quoted in [https://www.the-independent.com/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-napoleon-saves-country-quote-rod-steiger-b2699102.html Trump suggests he’s above the law with ominous Napoleon quote] ''Independent'' (February 16, 2025) **A reference to a maxim attributed to [[Napoleon]] by [[Honoré de Balzac]], "Who saves his country violates no law" ("Celui qui sauve sa patrie ne viole aucune loi"). *The 14th Amendment Right of American Citizenship never had anything to do with modern day "gate crashers," illegal immigrants who break the Law by being in our Country, it had everything to do with giving Citizenship to former slaves. **16 February 2025 [https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/114014567906020636 post on TruthSocial], quoted same day by [https://nypost.com/2025/02/16/us-news/president-trump-sparks-meltdown-for-sharing-napoleon-quote/ Ryan King of New York Post] and [https://www.newsnationnow.com/politics/trump-14th-amendment-slaves-not-migrants/ Patrick Djordjevic of News Nation Now] *It’s called the Gulf of America now. It’s not called the Gulf of Mexico any longer. I have the right to do it. We are going to keep them out until such time that they agree it is the Gulf of America. **Referring to AP reporters being banned from the White House, referenced in [https://deadline.com/2025/02/trump-ap-gulf-of-mexico-1236294031/ Donald Trump Says White House Will Prohibit Associated Press From Events Until They Agree To Rename Gulf Of Mexico] ''Deadline'' (February 18, 2025) *I think I have the power to end this war, and I think it's going very well. But today I heard, 'Oh, well, we weren't invited.' Well, you've been there for three years. You should have never started it. You could have made a deal….</br>I could have made a deal for Ukraine that would have given them almost all of the land, everything, almost all of the land, and no people would have been killed, and no city would have been demolished, and not one dome would have been knocked down. But they chose not to do it that way. **[https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-says-ukraine-should-never-have-started-it-remarks-war-russia-rcna192710 Trump says Ukraine 'should have never started' war in Ukraine] ''NBC News'' (February 18, 2025) * [[w:Congestion pricing in New York City|CONGESTION PRICING]] IS DEAD. Manhattan, and all of New York, is SAVED. LONG LIVE THE KING! ** [https://x.com/WhiteHouse/status/1892295984928993698 message on the Official WhiteHouse X account (19 February 2025)] *Is Maine here, the governor of Maine?<br><I>Governor Janet Mills: I’m here.</i><br>Are you not going to comply with [the executive order signed on transgender athletes]?<br><I>Mills: I’m complying with state and federal laws.</i><br>We are the federal law. Well, you better do it, you better do it, because you’re not going to get any federal funding at all if you don’t.<br><I>Mills: We’re going to follow the law.</i><br>You’d better comply. Otherwise, you’re not getting any federal funding.<br><I>Mills: We’ll see you in court.</i><br>Good, I’ll see you in court. I look forward to that. That should be a real easy one. And enjoy your life after governor because I don’t think you’ll be in elected politics. **[https://www.nbcnews.com/nbc-out/out-politics-and-policy/trump-spars-maines-governor-white-house-transgender-athletes-rcna193244 Trump spars with Maine’s governor at the White House over transgender athletes] ''NBC News'' (February 21, 2025) ====March 2025==== [[File:Inthronisation von Donald Trump 2025-04-05.png|thumb|Well, [[w:Project 2025|there are plans]] … there are — not [[plans]] — [[w:Gleichschaltung|there are methods]] — there are methods which you could do it. … A lot of people want me to do it. … I'm not [[joking]]. I'm not joking.]] *The Golden Age of America has just begun! Over the past six weeks, our Administration has delivered on promises like no Administration before it, always putting America First! DOGE has been an incredible success, and now that we have my Cabinet in place, I have instructed the Secretaries and Leadership to work with DOGE on Cost Cutting measures and Staffing. As the Secretaries learn about, and understand, the people working for the various Departments, they can be very precise as to who will remain, and who will go. We say the "scalpel" rather than the "hatchet." The combination of them, Elon, DOGE, and other great people will be able to do things at a historic level. **[https://x.com/trump_repost/status/1897723225343508725 Trump Posts on 𝕏] (March 6, 2025) *Wow, that's beautiful. This is a different panel than I've ever — '''everything's computer!''' **When inspecting a Tesla Model S at the White House; quoted from [https://www.businessinsider.com/donald-trump-tesla-model-s-review-everythings-computer-2025-3 Donald Trump reviews Tesla Model S: 'Everything's computer'] ''Business Insider'' (Mar 11, 2025) *The ‘Pardons’ that Sleepy Joe Biden gave to the Unselect Committee of Political Thugs, and many others, are hereby declared VOID, VACANT, AND OF NO FURTHER FORCE OR EFFECT, because of the fact that they were done by Autopen. **Quoted from ''Truth Social'' in [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-says-bidens-pardons-jan-6-committee-are-void-used-autopen-rcna196670 Trump claims Biden's pardons for Jan. 6 committee are 'void' because he used an autopen] ''NBC News'' (March 17, 2025) *No District Court Judge, or any Judge, can assume the duties of the President of the United States. Only Crime and Chaos would result. **From Truth Social post, cited in [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/trump-administration/judges-stand-firm-trump-ramps-attacks-judiciary-rcna197287 Judges stand firm as Trump ramps up attacks on judiciary] ''NBC News'' (March 21, 2025) *I don’t know anything about it. I’m not a big fan of The Atlantic. To me, it’s a magazine that’s going out of business. I think it’s not much of a magazine, but I know nothing about it. What were they talking about?… <br>It couldn’t have been very effective because the attack was very effective. I can tell you that. I don’t know anything about it. You’re telling me about it for the first time. **When asked about the story of a reporter from The Atlantic receiving military strike plans against the Houthi rebels prior to the attack, as reported in [https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2025/3/24/a-shocking-breach-trump-officials-leak-military-attacks-to-the-atlantic ‘A shocking breach’: Trump officials leak Yemen attack plans in Signal chat] ''Al Jazeera'' (March 24, 2025) *It’s just something that can happen, it can happen. You can even prepare for it, it can happen. Sometimes people are hooked in and you don’t know they’re hooked in. … It’s not a perfect technology, there is no perfect technology.<br>We always want to use the best technology. This was the best technology for the moment. Again, it wasn’t classified so they probably viewed it as being something that wasn’t that important…<br>No, I don’t think (national security adviser Mike Waltz) should apologize. I think he’s doing his best. It’s equipment and technology that’s not perfect and probably he won’t be using it again. **When asked if anyone could be fired after The Atlantic editor Jeffrey Goldberg was invited to a group chat on ''Signal'' by national security adviser Mike Waltz, in which top officials discussed details of attacks in Yemen, as reported in [https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/5213462-trump-on-war-plans-group-chat-its-just-something-that-can-happen/ Trump on war plans group chat: ‘It’s just something that can happen’] ''The Hill'' (March 25, 2025) *What it was we believe is somebody that was on the line with permission, somebody that was with Mike Walz – worked for Mike Walz at a lower level, had I guess Goldberg's number, called through the app, and somehow this guy ended up on the call.<br>Now it wasn't classified as I understand it, there was no classified information, there was no problem and the attack was a tremendous success. So I can only go by what I've been told, I wasn't involved in it, but I was told by, and the other people weren't involved at all, but I feel very comfortable actually. **Explaining the reason for The Atlantic editor Jeffrey Goldberg being in a group chat discussing Houthi attack details, during an appearance on ''Newsmax'' taken from [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-reveals-how-signal-group-chat-leak-happened-atlantic-2050572 Donald Trump Reveals How Signal Group Chat Leak Happened] ''Newsweek'' (March 26, 2025) *There weren’t details, and there was nothing in there that compromised. And it had no impact on the attack, which was very successful. A thing like that — maybe Goldberg found a way. Maybe there’s a staffer, maybe there’s a very innocent staffer, but we’ll get — I think we’ll get to the bottom of it very quickly, and it’s really not a big deal. **Speaking on ''The Vince Show'' regarding Jeffery Goldberg's follow-up article in ''The Atlantic'' where he published the detailed text messages he received on the ''Signal'' app of the upcoming plans for the attack on the Houthis, quoted in [https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/5214890-trump-atlantic-signal-chat-response/ Trump reacts to new Atlantic messages: ‘Really not a big deal’] ''The Hill'' (March 26, 2025) *I don’t fire people because of fake news and because of witch hunts…<br>I think it’s just a witch hunt and the fake news, like you, talk about it all the time, but it’s just a witch hunt, and it shouldn’t be talked [about]. We had a tremendously successful strike. We struck very hard and very lethal. And nobody wants to talk about that. All they want to talk about is nonsense. It’s fake news. …<br>I have no idea what Signal is. I don’t care what Signal is. All I can tell you is it’s just a witch hunt, and it’s the only thing the press wants to talk about, because you have nothing else to talk about. Because it’s been the greatest 100-day presidency in the history of our country. **Speaking on the news coverage of the Houthi attack plans texted over the Signal app and divulged by Jeffery Goldberg of ''The Atlantic'', as reported in [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/rcna198731 Trump says he ‘couldn’t care less’ if foreign automakers raise prices due to tariffs] ''NBC News'' (March 29, 2025) *We’ll get Greenland. Yeah, 100%. ….<br>No, I never take military force off the table. But I think there's a good possibility that we could do it without military force. We have an obligation to protect the world. This is world peace, this is international security. And I have that obligation while I'm president. No, I don't take anything off the table. **From an interview with ''NBC News'' referenced in [https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2025/03/29/trump-greenland-military-force-denmark/82722287007/ Trump says U.S. will 'get Greenland,' military force may not be needed but not ruled out] ''USA Today'' (March 29,2025) * Well, [[w:Project 2025|there are plans]] … there are — not [[plans]] — [[w:Gleichschaltung|there are methods]] — there are methods which you could do it. … A lot of people want me to do it. … I'm not [[joking]]. I'm not joking. ** On the possibilities of having a third term as President, quoted in [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-third-term-white-house-methods-rcna198752 "Trump won’t rule out seeking a third term in the White House, tells NBC News ‘there are methods’ for doing so" ''NBC News'' (30 March 2025)]; also [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025/mar/30/trump-third-term-president "Trump says ‘there are methods' for seeking third term in White House" ''The Guardian'' (31 March 2025)] ===== Joint session address to Congress (4 March 2025) ===== [[File:President Trump speech to joint session of Congress, 2025.jpg|thumb|I stood beneath the dome of this Capitol and proclaimed the dawn of the golden age of America. From that moment on, it has been nothing but swift and unrelenting action to usher in the greatest and most successful era in the history of our country.]] :<small>[https://www.cnn.com/interactive/2025/03/politics/transcript-speech-trump-congress-annotated-dg/ "Trump’s 2025 joint session address, fact checked and annotated", ''CNN'' (5 March 2025)]</small> [[File:President Donald Trump delivers his Joint address to Congress, Tuesday, March 4, 2025, in the House Chamber of the U.S. Capitol in Washington, D.C..jpg|thumb|We've ended the [[tyranny]] of so-called [[diversity]], [[equity]] and [[w:Inclusion (education|inclusion]] policies all across the entire federal government, and indeed the private sector, and our military. And our country will be [[w:Woke|woke]] no longer.]] [[File:The White House - 54366787332.jpg|thumb|We need [[w:Greenland|Greenland]] for national security and even international security. And we're working with everybody involved to try and get it. <br /> But we need it really for international world security. And I think we're going to get it. One way or the other, we're going to get it.]] * America is back.<br /> Six weeks ago, I stood beneath the dome of this Capitol and proclaimed the dawn of the golden age of America. From that moment on, it has been nothing but swift and unrelenting action to usher in the greatest and most successful era in the history of our country. <br /> We have accomplished more in 43 days than most administrations accomplished in four years, or eight years, and we are just getting started. * The American dream is unstoppable, and our country is on the verge of a comeback the likes of which the world has never witnessed and perhaps will never witness again. There's never been anything like it. <br /> The presidential election of November 5 was a mandate like has not been seen in many decades. We won all seven swing states, giving us an electoral college victory of 312 votes. * Over the past six weeks, I have signed nearly 100 executive orders and taken more than 400 executive actions — a record — to restore common sense, safety, optimism and wealth all across our wonderful land. The people elected me to do the job, and I'm doing it. * In fact, it has been stated by many that the first month of our presidency — it's our presidency — is the most successful in the history of our nation. And what makes it even more impressive is that, do you know No. 2 is? [[George Washington]]. How about that? I don't know about that list. But we'll take it. * Within hours of taking the oath of office, I declared a national emergency on our southern border, and I deployed the US military and border patrol to repel the invasion of our country. And what a job they've done. As a result, illegal border crossings last month were by far the lowest ever recorded. Ever.<br /> They heard my words and they chose not to come — much easier that way. In comparison, under Joe Biden, the worst president in American history, there were hundreds of thousands of illegal crossings a month, and virtually all of them, including murderers, drug dealers, gang members and people from mental institutions and insane asylums, were released into our country. Who would want to do that? * Every day, my administration is fighting to deliver the change America needs, to bring a future that America deserves, and we're doing it. This is a time for big dreams and bold action. Upon taking office, I imposed an immediate freeze on all federal hiring, a freeze on all new federal regulations and a freeze on all foreign aid. <br /> I terminated the ridiculous green new scam. I withdrew from the unfair Paris Climate Accord, which was costing us trillions of dollars that other countries were not paying. I withdrew from the corrupt World Health Organization. And I also withdrew from the anti-American UN Human Rights Council. * We ordered all federal workers to return to the office. They will either show up for work in person or be removed from their job. <br /> And we've ended weaponized government, where, as an example, a sitting president is allowed to viciously prosecute his political opponent, like me. How did that work out? Not too good. Not too good. * I've stopped all [[government]] [[censorship]] and brought back [[free speech]] in America. It's back. <br /> And two days ago, I signed an order making [[English language|English]] the official [[language]] of the [[United States of America]]. <br /> I renamed the [[w:Gulf of Mexico|Gulf of Mexico]] the Gulf of America. And likewise, I renamed, for a great president, [[William McKinley]], [[w:Denali|Mount McKinley]], again. Beautiful [[Alaska]], we love Alaska. <br /> We've ended the [[tyranny]] of so-called [[diversity]], [[equity]] and [[w:Inclusion (education|inclusion]] policies all across the entire federal government, and indeed the private sector, and our military. And our country will be [[w:Woke|woke]] no longer. * To further combat inflation, we will not only be reducing the cost of energy, but will be ending the flagrant waste of taxpayer dollars. <br /> And to that end, I have created the brand-new Department of Government Efficiency, DOGE. Perhaps you've heard of it. Perhaps. <br /> Which is headed by [[Elon Musk]], who is in the gallery tonight. Thank you Elon, you're working very hard. He didn't need this. He didn't need this. Thank you very much. We appreciate it. <br /> Everybody here, even this side, appreciates it, I believe. They just don't want to admit that. * I want to do what has not been done in 24 years: balance the federal budget — we're going to balance it. <br /> With that goal in mind, we have developed in great detail what we are calling the gold card, which goes on sale very, very soon. For $5 million we will allow the most successful, job-creating people from all over the world to buy a path to US citizenship. It's like the green card, but better and more sophisticated. * We're getting wokeness out of our schools and out of our military, and it's already out, and it's out of our society. We don't want it. Wokeness is troubled. Wokeness is bad. It's gone. It's gone. And we feel so much better for it, don't we? Don't we feel better? * To further enhance our national security, my administration will be reclaiming the Panama Canal, and we've already started doing it. <br /> Just today, a large American company announced they are buying both ports around the Panama Canal and lots of other things having to do with the Panama Canal and a couple of other canals. * I also have a message tonight for the incredible people of [[w:Greenland|Greenland]]. We strongly support your right to determine your own future. And if you choose, we welcome you into the United States of America. We need Greenland for national security and even international security. And we're working with everybody involved to try and get it. <br /> But we need it really for international world security. And I think we're going to get it. One way or the other, we're going to get it. We will keep you safe. We will make you rich, and together we will take Greenland to heights like you have never thought possible before. It's a very small population, but a very, very large piece of land and very, very important for military security. * Earlier today, I received an important letter from President Zelensky of Ukraine. The letter reads, "Ukraine is ready to come to the negotiating table as soon as possible to bring lasting peace closer." "Nobody wants peace more than the Ukrainians," he said. "My team and I stand ready to work under President Trump's strong leadership to get a peace that lasts. We do really value how much America has done to help Ukraine maintain its sovereignty and independence. Regarding the agreement on minerals and security, Ukraine is ready to sign it at any time that is convenient for you." <br /> I appreciate that he sent this letter, just got it a little while ago. Simultaneously, we've had serious discussions with Russia and have received strong signals that they are ready for peace. Wouldn't that be beautiful? Wouldn't that be beautiful? * Now it is our time to take up the righteous cause of American liberty. And it is our turn to take America's destiny into our own hands and begin the most thrilling days in the history of our country. <br /> This will be our greatest era. With God's help over the next four years, we are going to lead this nation even higher. <br /> And we are going to forge the freest, most advanced, most dynamic and most dominant civilization ever to exist on the face of this Earth. <br /> We are going to create the highest quality of life, build the safest and wealthiest and healthiest and most vital communities anywhere in the world. <br /> We are going to conquer the vast frontiers of science, and we are going to lead humanity into space and plant the American flag on the planet Mars, and even far beyond. <br /> And through it all, we are going to rediscover the unstoppable power of the American spirit. And we are going to renew unlimited promise of the American dream. Every single day we will stand up and we will fight, fight, fight for the country our citizens believe in, and for the country our people deserve. <br /> My fellow Americans, get ready for an incredible future because the golden age of America has only just begun. <br /> It will be like nothing that has ever been seen before. ====April 2025==== *I call it a lot of different names, but it's really, in a sense, it's a rebirth of a country because how we could have afforded to do what we did, we helped everybody and they don't help us. The term I like best probably is the liberation of America.<br>It's a liberation of this country because it's incredible. Look, we have 36 trillion in debt for a reason and that accumulates over a long period of time. What you're going to be seeing over the next couple of days will be very inspiring to a lot of people. **Regarding the round of tariffs expected to be enforced on most imported goods beginning April 2nd as referenced in [https://www.tribuneindia.com/news/united-states/trump-says-india-will-substantially-cut-tariffs-signals-major-us-tariff-moves/ "Trump says India will 'substantially' cut tariffs, signals major US tariff moves"] ''The Tribune'' (April 1, 2025) *We are going to be very nice, relatively speaking. We are going to be very kind....<br>Somebody said that about me the other day, who doesn’t know me very well. They said — ‘You are such a kind person’ and I said, ‘Say that again.’ They said, ‘You are a kind person.’ I said, ‘I’ve never heard that before.’ **Speaking on the severity of the tariffs as reported in [https://www.cnn.com/2025/04/01/politics/trump-tariffs-liberation-day-oval-office/index.html Trump has the world on edge as he mulls fateful tariffs decades in the making] ''CNN'' (April 1, 2025)[https://www.huffpost.com/entry/stephen-colbert-trump-weird-confession_n_67ece159e4b048fde6fe94e3] *THE OPERATION IS OVER! THE PATIENT LIVED, AND IS HEALING. THE PROGNOSIS IS THAT THE PATIENT WILL BE FAR STRONGER, BIGGER, BETTER, AND MORE RESILIENT THAN EVER BEFORE. MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN! **Posted on Truth Social following the implementation of sweeping tariffs as reported in [https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/world/us/us-and-world/the-operation-is-over-the-patient-lived-donald-trump-after-shaking-global-economies-with-us-tariffs/articleshow/119949495.cms ‘The operation is over, the patient lived’: Donald Trump after shaking global economies with US tariffs] ''The Times of India'' (April 3, 2025) *I think it's going very well. It was an operation, like when a patient gets operated on and it's a big thing. I said this would exactly be the way it is....<br>The markets are going to boom, the stock is going to boom, the country is going to boom, and the rest of the world wants to see is there any way they can make a deal. They've taken advantage of us for many, many years. For many years we've been at the wrong side of the ball. And I'll tell you what, I think it's going to be unbelievable. **When asked how things were going after a drop in the stock market the first day after Trump's tariff announcement as reported in [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/trust-president-trump-white-house-defending-tariffs-amid/story?id=120449641 Trump says ‘it’s going very well’ after tariffs roil markets] ''ABC News'' (April 3, 2025) *TO THE MANY INVESTORS COMING INTO THE UNITED STATES AND INVESTING MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF MONEY, MY POLICIES WILL NEVER CHANGE. THIS IS A GREAT TIME TO GET RICH, RICHER THAN EVER BEFORE!!! **Posted on ''Truth Social'' following the announcement of his worldwide tariffs policy and the resulting sharp sell-off in the stock market a day later as reported in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025/apr/04/trump-tariffs-truth-social Trump insists he won’t back down from global trade war as markets slump] ''The Guardian'' (April 4, 2025) *...We are bringing back jobs and businesses like never before. Already, more than FIVE TRILLION DOLLARS OF INVESTMENT, and rising fast! THIS IS AN ECONOMIC REVOLUTION, AND WE WILL WIN. HANG TOUGH, it won’t be easy, but the end result will be historic. We will, MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!!! **[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/114285375813275308 Truth Social] (April 5, 2025) *It's the only chance we're going to have to reset the table on trade, and when we do, we're going to come out unbelievably well. We're going to have a strong country economically again and we're going to have those factories that are empty all over the United States. **Indicating there would be no change of course regarding tariff plan, reported in [https://abc7chicago.com/post/donald-trump-tariff-formula-team-cites-chicago-economist-brent-neimans-work-he-says-math-doesnt-check/16141896/ Trump tariff team cites Chicago economist's work, but he says their math doesn't check out] ''ABC7 Chicago'' (April 7, 2025) *We’re dealing with them directly and maybe a deal is going to be made. Doing a deal would be preferable to doing the obvious.<br>Iran is going to be in great danger, and I hate to say it…. Iran cannot have a nuclear weapon, and if the talks aren’t successful, I think it’s going to be a very bad day for Iran. **Referring to upcoming talks with Iran about their nuclear capability, taken from [https://time.com/7275589/trump-iran-nuclear-program-talk/ Trump Says U.S. Will Have Direct Talks With Iran About Nuclear Program] ''TIME'' (April 7, 2025)[https://www.express.co.uk/news/world/2038962/us-could-be-bombing-iran] * There can be permanent tariffs and there can also be negotiations, because there are things that we need beyond tariffs. '''We need open borders.'''[https://www.yahoo.com/news/cognitive-decline-trump-calls-open-202617475.html] *I thought that people were jumping a little bit out of line. They were getting yippy. You know, they were getting a little bit yippy, a little bit afraid…. Over the last few days it looked pretty glum… You have to be flexible. You have to be able to show a little flexibility. And I'm able to do that. **Reasons given for pausing his tariff plan for 90 days for all countries except China, reported in [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/trump-explains-dramatic-reversal-tariffs-people-bit-afraid/story?id=120651386 Trump explains dramatic reversal on tariffs: People getting 'a little bit afraid'] ''ABC News'' (April 9.2025) *I’m not asking for much ... but they can't have a nuclear weapon.<br>If it requires military, we're going to have military. Israel will, obviously, be ... the leader of that. No one leads us. We do what we want.<br>I don't want to be specific. But when you start talks, you know if they're going along well or not. And I would say the conclusion would be when I think they're not going along well. **[https://www.usnews.com/news/world/articles/2025-04-09/trump-repeats-threat-to-use-military-force-if-iran-does-not-agree-to-nuclear-deal Trump Repeats Threat to Use Military Force if Iran Does Not Agree to Nuclear Deal] ''US News'' (April 9, 2025) *In my case, I like to take a nice shower, take care of my beautiful hair.... I have to stand under the shower for 15 minutes until it gets wet. It comes out drip, drip, drip. It’s ridiculous. **While signing an executive order repealing limits to the flow of water to bathroom showers, taken from [https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2025/4/10/make-showers-great-again-why-trumps-fighting-bathroom-water-pressure ‘Make showers great again’: Why Trump’s fighting bathroom water pressure] ''Al Jazeera'' (April 10, 2025) *China wants to make a deal. They just don't know how quite to go about it. You know, it's one of those things they don't know quite. They're proud people and President Xi's a proud man. I know him very well. And they don't know quite how to go about it, but they'll figure it out. **Indicating he is waiting for China to call him regarding the recently imposed tariffs, reported in [https://www.pbs.org/weta/washingtonweek/video/2025/04/washington-week-with-the-atlantic-full-episode-41125 Washington Week with The Atlantic full episode, 4/11/25] ''Washington Week'' (April 11, 2025)[https://www.cnn.com/2025/04/10/politics/trump-xi-china-tariffs/index.html] *Homegrown criminals next. I said homegrowns are next, the homegrowns. You gotta build about five more [prisons]…. [The notorious Salvadoran mega-prison] is not big enough… If it's a homegrown criminal, I have no problem. Now we're studying the laws right now, Pam [Bondi] is studying. If we can do that, that's good…. And I'm talking about violent people. I'm talking about really bad people. Really bad people. Every bit as bad as the ones coming in. **Speaking to El Salvador's President Nayib Bukele, referring to US citizens accused of crimes being the next ones sent to Salvadoran prisons, reported in [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/homegrowns-trump-doubles-sending-convicted-us-citizens-foreign/story?id=120802863 'Homegrowns are next': Trump doubles down on sending American 'criminals' to foreign prisons] ''ABC News'' (April 14, 2025) * Everyone knows that Harvard has “lost its way.” * Harvard has been hiring almost all woke, Radical Left, idiots and ‘birdbrains’ who are only capable of teaching FAILURE to students and so-called ‘future leaders * Harvard can no longer be considered even a decent place of learning, and should not be considered on any list of the World’s Great Universities or Colleges. Harvard is a JOKE, teaches Hate and Stupidity, and should no longer receive Federal Funds. ** [https://www.thefire.org/news/revoking-harvards-tax-exempt-status-will-threaten-all-nonprofits "Revoking Harvard’s tax-exempt status will threaten all nonprofits"], ''The Fire'' (April 18, 2025) * As you know, the cost of eggs has come down like 93, 94% since we took office. ** [https://edition.cnn.com/2025/04/23/politics/price-of-eggs-gas-trump-fact-check/index.html "Fact check: Trump lies about the price of eggs, groceries and gas"], ''CNN'' (April 23, 2025) *I am not happy with the Russian strikes on KYIV. Not necessary, and very bad timing. Vladimir, STOP! **Taken from ''Truth Social'' as reported in [https://abcnews.go.com/International/russia-launches-massive-deadly-strike-kyiv-ukrainian-authorities/story?id=121113739 'Vladimir, STOP!' Trump says to Putin after deadliest Russian strike on Kyiv in months] ''ABC News'' (April 24, 2025) *The first time, I had two things to do—run the country and survive; I had all these crooked guys. And the second time, I run the country and the world.” **In response to what felt different about his second term compared to the first, quoted in [https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2025/06/trump-second-term-comeback/682573/ ‘I RUN THE COUNTRY AND THE WORLD’ Donald Trump believes he’s invincible. But the cracks are beginning to show] ''The Atlantic'' (April 28, 2025) * Great Pollster John McLaughlin, one of the most highly respected in the industry, has just stated that The Failing New York Times Poll, and the ABC/Washington Post Poll, about a person named DONALD J. TRUMP, ME, are FAKE POLLS FROM FAKE NEWS ORGANIZATIONS. The New York Times has only 37% Trump 2024 voters, and the ABC/Washington Post Poll has only 34% Trump Voters, unheard of numbers unless looking for a negative result, which they are. These people should be investigated for ELECTION FRAUD, and add in the FoxNews Pollster while you’re at it. They are Negative Criminals who apologize to their subscribers and readers after I WIN ELECTIONS BIG, much bigger than their polls showed I would win, loose a lot of credibility, and then go on cheating and lying for the next cycle, only worse. They suffer from Trump Derangement Syndrome, and there is nothing that anyone, or anything, can do about it. THEY ARE SICK, almost only write negative stories about me no matter how well I am doing (99.9% at the Border, BEST NUMBER EVER!), AND ARE TRULY THE ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE! I wish them well, but will continue to fight to, MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN! ** [https://www.axios.com/2025/04/28/trump-approval-ratings-slams-polls-truth-social "Trump lashes out against "fake polls" as his approval ratings sink"], ''Axios'' (April 28, 2025) * I am the candidate of peace. ** [https://www.theguardian.com/world/2025/apr/28/us-escalation-yemen-civilian-casualties "Trump promised peace but brings rapid increase in civilian casualties to Yemen"] ''The Guardian'' (April 28, 2025) [[File:Pope Trump AI by Donald Trump.png|thumb|I'd like to be [[pope]]. That would be my number one choice.]] * I'd like to be pope. That would be my number one choice. No — I don't know, I have no preference. I must say we have a cardinal that happens to be out of a place called New York who's very good. ** Response to being asked after the death of [[Pope Francis]] who he would like to be the next Pope (29 April 2025); as quoted in [https://www.npr.org/2025/05/04/nx-s1-5386516/catholic-leaders-criticize-trump-ai-pope-photo?utm_term=nprnews&utm_campaign=npr&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com "Catholic leaders criticize Trump for posting apparent AI photo of himself as the pope", ''NPR'' (4 May 2025)] *PRESIDENT TRUMP: (Referring to a photo of what was tattooed on Abrego Garcia's knuckles:) M-S-1-3 -- It says M-S-one-three.<br>INTERVIEWER TERRY MORAN: I -- that was Photoshop….<br>PRESIDENT TRUMP: That was Photoshop?… Do you want me to show the picture?<br>TERRY MORAN: I saw the picture. We'll agree to disagree --<br>PRESIDENT TRUMP: Oh, and you think it was Photoshop…. Go look at his hand. He had MS-13 --<br>TERRY MORAN: Fair enough, he did have tattoos that can be interpreted that way. I'm not an expert on them….<br>PRESIDENT TRUMP: Terry, no, no. No, no. He had MS as clear as you can be. Not "interpreted." This is why people no longer believe the news, because it's fake news.<br>TERRY MORAN: ...When he was photographed in El Salvador, they aren't there…. Take a look at the photograph —<br>PRESIDENT TRUMP: But they're there now, right?… But they're there now?<br>TERRY MORAN: They're in your picture.<br>PRESIDENT TRUMP: Terry He's got MS-13 on his knuckles…. you do such a disservice —<br>TERRY MORAN: We'll take a look. We'll take a look at that, sir —<br>PRESIDENT TRUMP: Why don't you just say, "Yes, he does," and, you know, go on to something else -- **[https://abcnews.go.com/US/full-transcript-trumps-exclusive-100-days-broadcast-interview/story?id=121291672 FULL TRANSCRIPT: Trump's exclusive 100 days broadcast interview with ABC News] ''ABC News'' (April 29, 2025)[https://www.yahoo.com/news/fact-check-trumps-photo-abrego-001600628.html] *Everybody's gonna be just fine. It wouldn't have been if I didn't do this. I had a choice. I could leave it, have a nice, easy time. But I think ultimately you would've had an implosion. Our country had inflation that was worse than they've ever had it before.<br>You don't mention that. Why don't you mention that? We had the worst inflation probably in the history of our country. People say 48 years, probably in the history of our country we had the worst inflation. And people were dying over the inflation. You know that. Now the grocery prices are coming down. The energy prices are coming down. Gasoline's coming down. It's all heading in the right direction. **In response to a question over the concern about the effect of the tariffs, taken from [https://abcnews.go.com/US/full-transcript-trumps-exclusive-100-days-broadcast-interview/story?id=121291672 FULL TRANSCRIPT: Trump's exclusive 100 days broadcast interview with ABC News] ''ABC News'' (April 29, 2025) *We're going to have something that you won't even believe. We will end inflation, slash prices. We've already ended inflation, raise wages, and give you the greatest economy in the history of the world. **[https://uk.news.yahoo.com/trump-teases-biggest-bill-ever-021733041.html Trump Teases 'Biggest Bill Ever Passed' and 'Military Supremacy' During Anniversary Rally] ''Yahoo! News'' (April 29, 2025) *This is Biden’s Stock Market, not Trump’s… I didn’t take over until January 20th. Tariffs will soon start kicking in, and companies are starting to move into the USA in record numbers…. Our Country will boom, but we have to get rid of the Biden 'Overhang. This will take a while, has NOTHING TO DO WITH TARIFFS, only that he left us with bad numbers, but when the boom begins, it will be like no other. BE PATIENT!!! **From Truth Social reported in [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-pins-stock-market-struggles-biden-weeks-taking-credit-rcna203702 Trump puts market struggles on Biden as economy shrinks under his watch] ''NBC News'' (April 30, 2025) *You probably saw some numbers today, and I have to start off by saying that’s Biden — that’s not Trump — because we came in on January. We came in and I was very against everything that Biden was doing in terms of the economy. … We took over his mess in so many different ways.<br>I’m not taking credit or discredit for the stock market. I’m just saying we inherited a mess…. We came in on Jan. 20, so this is Biden. And you can even say the next quarter is, sort of, Biden, because it doesn’t just happen on a daily or an hourly basis, but we’re turning it around. It’s a big ship to turn around. **In remarks during a meeting with his Cabinet, reported in [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-pins-stock-market-struggles-biden-weeks-taking-credit-rcna203702 Trump puts market struggles on Biden as economy shrinks under his watch] ''NBC News'' (April 30, 2025) *You know, somebody said, ‘Oh, the shelves are going to be open.’ Well, maybe the children will have two dolls instead of 30 dolls. So maybe the two dolls will cost a couple bucks more than they would normally. **More remarks during his Cabinet meeting, reported in [https://apnews.com/article/trump-economy-tariffs-gdp-7494825851dcef94ec81475124f9326f Trump says US kids may get ‘2 dolls instead of 30,’ but China will suffer more in a trade war] 'AP News' (April 30, 2025) ===== Liberation Day tariff announcements (2 April 2025) ===== Announced from the Rose Garden at the White House:[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/trumps-liberation-day-arrives-gambles-big-risky-tariff/story?id=120382209] [https://nypost.com/2025/04/02/us-news/trump-slaps-at-least-10-tariffs-on-all-imports-in-declaration-of-economic-independence-half-of-what-they-could-be] [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/donald-trump-tariffs-great-depression-fdr-b2726461.html][https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E6uFW0gHwXU][https://singjupost.com/transcript-of-president-trump-remarks-at-liberation-day-event-april-2-2025/?singlepage=1] *My fellow Americans, this is Liberation Day… April 2nd, 2025, will forever be remembered as the day American industry was reborn, the day America's destiny was reclaimed and the day that we began to make America wealthy again. *For decades, our country has been looted, pillaged, raped and plundered by nations near and far, both friend and foe alike. * Taxpayers have been ripped off for more than 50 years, but it is not going to happen anymore. *This is one of the most important days, in my opinion, in American history. It’s our declaration of economic independence. …now it’s our turn to prosper and in so doing use trillions and trillions of dollars to reduce our taxes and pay down our national debt and it will all happen very quickly. With today’s action we are finally going to be able to make America great again, greater than ever before. *Jobs and factories will come roaring back into our country, and you see it happening already. We will supercharge our domestic industrial base. We will pry open foreign markets and break down foreign trade barriers. And ultimately, more production at home will mean stronger competition and lower prices for consumers. This will be indeed the golden age of America. It’s coming back and we’re going to come back very strongly. *From 1789 to 1913, we were a tariff-backed nation and the United States was proportionately the wealthiest it has ever been. So wealthy, in fact, that in the 1880s, they established a commission to decide what they were going to do with the vast sums of money they were collecting….<br>Then in 1913, for reasons unknown to mankind, they established the income tax so that citizens rather than foreign countries would start paying the money necessary to run our government. Then in 1929, it all came to a very abrupt end with the Great Depression, and it would have never happened if they had stayed with the tariff policy. It would have been a much different story.<br>They tried to bring back tariffs to save our country, but it was gone. It was gone. It was too late. Nothing could have been done. It took years and years to get out of that depression, far longer than even FDR had that office right over there for a long period of time. *We will charge them approximately half of what they are and have been charging us because we are being very kind. This is not full reciprocal. This is kind reciprocal. *In short, chronic trade deficits are no longer merely an economic problem. They're a national emergency that threatens our security and our very way of life. It's a very great threat to our country. *These tariffs are going to give us growth like you haven’t seen before. And it’ll be something very special to watch. ====May 2025==== [[File:AI Donald Trump Star Wars.jpg|thumb|You’re not [[w:Rebel Alliance|the Rebellion]] — you’re [[w:Galactic Empire (Star Wars)|the Empire]].]] *They all hated me in my first term, and now they’re kissing my ass. **Trump bragging about how tech moguls have warmed up to him, reported in [https://apnews.com/article/trump-alabama-commencement-address-protests-6bcea5b4058c819c26a8135b41d73dd1 Trump offers advice to University of Alabama graduates in speech interspersed with politics] 'AP News' (May 1, 2025) * The courts are trying to stop me from doing the job that I was elected to do. ** [https://edition.cnn.com/2025/05/02/politics/ketanji-brown-jackson-trump-judges "Politico: Ketanji Brown Jackson warns Trump’s rhetoric against judges are ‘attacks on our democracy’"] ''CNN'' (May 2, 2025) * [[w:Star Wars Day|Happy May the 4th]] to all, including the Radical Left Lunatics who are fighting so hard to to bring [[w:Sith|Sith Lords]], Murderers, Drug Lords, Dangerous Prisoners, & well known MS-13 Gang Members, back into our Galaxy. You’re not [[w:Rebel Alliance|the Rebellion]] — you’re [[w:Galactic Empire (Star Wars)|the Empire]]. <br /> May the 4th be with you. ** [https://x.com/WhiteHouse/status/1919053040734072844 Star Wars Day message on the Official WhiteHouse X account (4 May 2025)], accompanied by an AI generated image of Trump with a body-builder physique, wielding a [[w:Lightsaber|red lightsaber]] (which in [[Star Wars]] lore is emblematic of the often deceitful and profoundly evil [[w:Sith|Sith]] manifesting the "Dark side" of [[the Force]]). *<b>I don't know.</b> I have to respond by saying, again, I have brilliant lawyers that work for me, and they are going to obviously follow what the Supreme Court said. What you said is not what I heard the Supreme Court said. They have a different interpretation. **When asked whether he, as president, needs to abide by the Constitution and the rights it provides to people in the U.S., as reported in [https://www.npr.org/2025/05/04/g-s1-64239/does-a-president-need-to-uphold-the-constitution-trump-says-i-dont-know Does a president need to uphold the Constitution? Trump says 'I don't know'] ''NPR'' (May 4, 2025) *I think the good parts are the ‘Trump economy’ and the bad parts are the ‘Biden economy’ because he’s done a terrible job…. I was able to get down the costs. But even that, it takes a while to get them down. But we got them down good....<br>I’ve only just been here for a little more than three months. But the stock market, look at what’s happened in the last short period of time. Didn’t it have nine or 10 days in a row, or 11 days, where it’s gone up? And the tariffs have just started kicking in. And we’re doing really well. **In response to the question: ‘When does it become the Trump economy?’, quoted from [https://www.cnn.com/2025/05/04/business/trump-economy-tariffs-powell Trump says good parts of US economy are ‘Trump economy,’ bad parts are ‘Biden economy’] CNN (May 4 2025) * ‘Too Late’ Jerome Powell is a FOOL, who doesn’t have a clue. ** Claimed about the Chairman of the United States Federal Reserve, quoted in [https://www.cnbc.com/2025/05/08/trump-calls-fed-chair-jerome-powell-a-fool-after-central-bank-keeps-rates-steady.html "Trump calls Fed Chair Jerome Powell a ‘fool’ after central bank keeps rates steady"], ''CNBC'' (May 8, 2025) *(U.S. ports slowing down) means we lose less money, you know? When I see that, that means we lose less money…. And frankly if we didn’t do business (with China), we would have been better off. So, when you say it slowed down, that’s a good thing, not a bad thing. **Responding to a reporter saying that traffic at U.S. ports “has really slowed, and now thousands of dockworkers and truck drivers are worried about their jobs”, quoted in [https://www.yahoo.com/news/trump-exposes-own-idiocy-looming-171025385.html?guccounter=1&guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZ29vZ2xlLmNvbS8&guce_referrer_sig=AQAAAAwAaX7rRwkUgizDt6XV1AOwYrv_ZMeBvHcxEMpvwsTm5lgFGs-RnNK7Brf0slvaI0V7WM6BAq1bFaEnDYKIOA9VnIsUr1OTy57i7_-oXYOG-Ti5H0ZkMgFatc6W-Oemxe82QXdtzNGQy_NC4PvCUlAd8MeWzovIDQhPgQAuh6I3 Trump Exposes Own Idiocy With Comment About Looming Shortages] ''Yahoo! News'' (May 8, 2025) *So the fact that the Defense Department is getting a GIFT, FREE OF CHARGE, of a 747 aircraft to replace the 40 year old Air Force One, temporarily, in a very public and transparent transaction, so bothers the Crooked Democrats that they insist we pay, TOP DOLLAR, for the plane. Anybody can do that! The Dems are World Class Losers!!! MAGA. **From ''Truth Social'' regarding a potential gift of a $400 million "palace in the sky" airplane from the Qatari government for Trump's use, reported in [https://thearabweekly.com/brewing-controversy-surrounds-qatars-intent-lavish-luxury-jet-trump Brewing controversy surrounds Qatar’s intent to lavish luxury jet on Trump] ''The Arab Weekly'' (May 12, 2025) *I think it's a great gesture from Qatar. I appreciate it very much. I would never be one to turn down that kind of an offer.<br>I mean, I could be a stupid person, say, 'No, we don't want a free, very expensive airplane.' I thought it was a great gesture.<br>…They're giving us a free jet. I could say, 'No, no, no, don't give us. I want to pay you a billion or $400 million, or whatever it is.' Or I could say, 'Thank you very much.' **Speaking to reporters at the White House regarding accepting a gift of a $400 million 747 airplane from Qatar, quoted in [https://www.axios.com/2025/05/12/trump-qatar-jet-free-plane-air-force-one Trump says it would be "stupid" not to accept free jet from Qatar] ''Axios'' (May 12, 2025) * European Union is in many ways nastier than China, okay. ** [https://www.politico.eu/article/trump-eu-nastier-than-china/ "Trump: The EU is ‘nastier than China’"], ''Politico'' (May 12, 2025) *Oh, what I do for the crown prince. The sanctions were brutal and crippling and served as an important, really an important function, nevertheless, at the time. But now it's their time to shine. **[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/trump-heaps-praise-saudi-crown-prince-touts-economic/story?id=121758613 Trump heaps praise on Saudi Crown Prince MBS as he touts economic development] ''ABC News'' (May 13, 2025) * I see that Highly Overrated Bruce Springsteen goes to a Foreign Country to speak badly about the President of the United States. Never liked him, never liked his music, or his Radical Left Politics and, importantly, he's not a talented guy - Just a pushy, obnoxious JERK * Has anyone noticed that, since I said 'I HATE TAYLOR SWIFT,' she’s no longer 'HOT? ** [https://eu.usatoday.com/story/entertainment/celebrities/2025/05/16/trump-calls-bruce-springsteen-obnoxious-jerk/83671059007/ "Trump calls Bruce Springsteen 'obnoxious jerk' after singer voiced criticism at concert"], ''USA Today'' (May 16, 2025) *...The biggest crime of all is that THE 2020 PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION WAS RIGGED! I (MAGA!) WON THE ELECTION BY MILLIONS OF VOTES, AND EVERYONE KNOWS IT. GOD BLESS AMERICA, FOR THE FIGHT HAS JUST BEGUN!!! **From ''Truth Social'' as reported in [https://www.mediaite.com/news/trump-goes-on-early-morning-ragefest-over-autopen-and-rigged-and-stolen-election/ Trump Goes On Early-Morning Ragefest Over ‘AUTOPEN’ And ‘RIGGED AND STOLEN’ Election] ''Mediaite'' (May 17, 2025) * They have a term, ‘grocery.’ It’s an old term, but it means basically what you’re buying: food. It’s a pretty accurate term, but it’s an old-fashioned sound, but groceries are down. * Costs are down, eggs are down. They were, first week they were hitting me with ‘Eggs were up 200%’ and now they’re down to a number that is amazing. We’re down 97, 98% from where they were. ** [https://www.yahoo.com/news/people-left-flabbergasted-trumps-explanation-213256638.html "People Left Flabbergasted By Trump's Explanation Of 1 English Word To UAE President"], ''Yahoo News / Huffington Post'' (May 15, 2025) * Walmart should STOP trying to blame Tariffs as the reason for raising prices throughout the chain. Walmart made BILLIONS OF DOLLARS last year, far more than expected. Between Walmart and China they should, as is said, “EAT THE TARIFFS,” and not charge valued customers ANYTHING. I’ll be watching, and so will your customers!!! ** [https://www.cnbc.com/2025/05/17/trump-tells-walmart-to-eat-the-tariffs.html "Trump tells Walmart to ‘eat the tariffs’ after retailer warned it will raise prices"], ''CNBC'' (May 17, 2025) *HOW MUCH DID KAMALA HARRIS PAY BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN FOR HIS POOR PERFORMANCE DURING HER CAMPAIGN FOR PRESIDENT? WHY DID HE ACCEPT THAT MONEY IF HE IS SUCH A FAN OF HERS? ISN’T THAT A MAJOR AND ILLEGAL CAMPAIGN CONTRIBUTION? WHAT ABOUT BEYONCÉ? …AND HOW MUCH WENT TO OPRAH, AND BONO??? I am going to call for a major investigation into this matter....For these unpatriotic “entertainers,” this was just a CORRUPT & UNLAWFUL way to capitalize on a broken system. **From ''Truth Social'' as reported in [https://www.mediaite.com/news/trump-demands-major-investigation-into-springsteen-beyonce-oprah-for-backing-kamala-harris-corrupt-unlawful/ Trump Demands ‘Major Investigation’ Into Springsteen, Beyoncé, Oprah for Backing Kamala Harris: ‘CORRUPT & UNLAWFUL!’] ''Mediate'' (May 19, 2025) * HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY TO ALL, INCLUDING THE SCUM THAT SPENT THE LAST FOUR YEARS TRYING TO DESTROY OUR COUNTRY THROUGH WARPED RADICAL LEFT MINDS, WHO ALLOWED 21,000,000 MILLION PEOPLE TO ILLEGALLY ENTER OUR COUNTRY, MANY OF THEM BEING CRIMINALS AND THE MENTALLY INSANE,THROUGH AN OPEN BORDER THAT ONLY AN INCOMPETENT PRESIDENT WOULD APPROVE, AND THROUGH JUDGES WHO ARE ON A MISSION TO KEEP MURDERERS, DRUG DEALERS, RAPISTS, GANG MEMBERS, AND RELEASED PRISONERS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD, IN OUR COUNTRY SO THEY CAN ROB, MURDER, AND RAPE AGAIN — ALL PROTECTED BY THESE USA HATING JUDGES WHO SUFFER FROM AN IDEOLOGY THAT IS SICK, AND VERY DANGEROUS FOR OUR COUNTRY. HOPEFULLY THE UNITED STATES SUPREME COURT, AND OTHER GOOD AND COMPASSIONATE JUDGES THROUGHOUT THE LAND, WILL SAVE US FROM THE DECISIONS OF THE MONSTERS WHO WANT OUR COUNTRY TO GO TO HELL. BUT FEAR NOT, WE HAVE MADE GREAT PROGRESS OVER THE LAST 4 MONTHS, AND AMERICA WILL SOON BE SAFE AND GREAT AGAIN! AGAIN, HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY, AND GOD BLESS AMERICA! ** [https://www.yahoo.com/news/fact-check-trumps-memorial-day-154700630.html "Fact Check: Trump's Memorial Day message"] ''Yahoo News'' (May 27, 20205) * What Vladimir Putin doesn’t realize is that if it weren’t for me, lots of really bad things would have already happened to Russia, and I mean REALLY BAD. He’s playing with fire! ** [https://www.yahoo.com/news/trump-brags-shielding-putin-not-204644595.html "Trump Brags About Shielding Putin, And It’s Not Going Over Well On Social Media"] ''Huffington Post'' (May 27, 2025) * There is no #JoeBiden - executed in 2020. #Biden clones doubles & robotic engineered soulless mindless entities are what you see. Democrats dont know the difference. ** Social media posting shared by Donald Trump, quoted in [https://www.thedailybeast.com/donald-trump-shares-bonkers-conspiracy-theory-about-joe-biden-being-replaced-by-clones/ "Trump Shares Unhinged Conspiracy Theory That Biden Is a Robot Clone"], ''Daily Beast'' (May 31, 2025) ===== [https://www.newsweek.com/trump-advice-university-alabama-commencement-speech-2067054 Donald Trump Shares 11 Pieces of Advice at Rally-Style Commencement Speech] Newsweek (1 May 2025) ===== # "If you're here today and think that you're too young to do something great, let me tell you that you are wrong. You're not too young. You can have great success at a very young age ... In America, with drive and ambition, young people can do anything." # "You have to love what you do. You have to. I rarely see somebody that's successful that doesn't love what he or she does ... If I didn't find it fun, I wouldn't be successful." # "The third thing is to think big. If you're going to do something, you might as well think big. I know a lot of people, they've thought small, they were very smart. I know others that weren't nearly as smart, but they had a better picture of the big picture, because it's just as hard to solve a small problem as a big problem and it's just as much energy and everything else, except the result is going to be a smaller one. So love what you do and think big if it's possible." # "Work hard. Never, ever stop," Trump said, before mentioning pro golf legend Gary Player. The president said Player "wasn't as big as other men, he was on the small side ... but he worked very, very hard. He made up for it. He never stopped." # "Don't lose your momentum. You just want to keep it going. And you have to know, if you are losing it, you have to know when you are losing it, so maybe you stop and maybe it's time to stop. Listen to the feedback, think through your plan very carefully and keep moving fast." # "If you want to change the world, you have to have the courage to be an outsider. In other words, you have to take certain risks and do things a little bit differently; otherwise, if that were the case, everybody would be successful. Doesn't work that way. Progress never comes from those satisfied with the failures of a broken system; it comes from those who want to fix the broken system. If you want to go to the top, you're just never going to do it unless you break the system ... You really do, you have to break the system a little bit and follow your own instincts. But if your vision is right, nothing will hold you down. Nothing. You have to have the right vision." # "Trust your instincts. Common sense. You can go very far in life with common sense and I applied that to politics because some of these things, like, they had open borders. Let everybody in the whole world flow into our country. That's not common sense." # "Everybody should believe in the American dream. It's real, it's there and it's right before you." # "Think of yourself as a winner. The power of positive thinking. Don't consider yourself a victim. Consider yourself a winner. In recent years, too many of our young people have really been taught to think of themselves as victims and blame people and be angry. Don't be angry. In America, we reject that idea that anyone is born a victim. Our heroes are the ones who take charge of their own destiny, make their own luck and determine their own fate, despite the odds." # "Be an original," Trump said as his penultimate piece of advice for the graduating class. "The all-time greats were people who had the confidence to be a little different ... God only created one of you. Remember that. You're all different, some are close, but nobody is the same. You're one of a kind so don't try to be someone else. Just be yourself." # "Never, ever give up. Never give up. Don't stop. Never, ever give up. Victory is right around the corner." ==== June 2025 ==== *The horrific decision stated that I would have to get the approval of Congress for these Tariffs. In other words, hundreds of politicians would sit around D.C. for weeks, and even months, trying to come to a conclusion as to what to charge other Countries that are treating us unfairly. If allowed to stand, this would completely destroy Presidential Power — The Presidency would never be the same! **Regarding the Court of International Trade’s decision stating that tariffs must be approved by Congress according to the Constitution, as quoted in “Truth Social” and reported in [https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/maddowblog/congress-trade-tariffs-trump-gives-away-game-power-grab-rcna210366 On Congress and trade tariffs, Trump gives away the game about his power grab] ''MSNBC'' (June 2, 2025) * Because of Tariffs, our Economy is BOOMING! ** [https://www.thedailybeast.com/donald-trumps-brag-about-booming-economy-immediately-gets-a-humiliating-reality-check/ "Trump’s Brag About ‘BOOMING’ Economy Immediately Gets a Humiliating Reality Check"], ''Daily Beast'' (June 3, 2025) * The easiest way to save money in our Budget, Billions and Billions of dollars, is to terminate Elon's Governmental Subsidies and Contracts. I was always surprised that Biden didn't do it! ** [https://www.axios.com/2025/06/05/elon-musk-twitter-trump-epstein-files "How Trump and Musk's relationship exploded in real time over X, Truth Social"], ''Axios'' (June 5, 2025) *We want to wean off of FEMA and we want to bring it down to the state level — a little bit like education, we're moving it back to the states.<br>It has not worked out well. It's extremely expensive and, again, when you have a tornado or a hurricane or you have a problem of any kind, in a state, that's what you have governors for. They're supposed to fix those problems, and it's much more local and they'll develop a system, and it will be a great system. **[https://www.cbsnews.com/news/trump-fema-hurricane-season-wean-states/ Trump says his administration wants to "wean" states off FEMA aid after hurricane season] ''CBS News'' (June 11, 2025) * Remember eggs? We weren’t able to buy another egg for the next 20 years — they were so expensive, right? Eggs have come down 400%. ** [https://finance.yahoo.com/news/trump-says-everybody-eggs-now-154300576.html "Trump says ‘everybody has eggs now’ since prices have dropped a staggering 400%. But is his math scrambled?"] ''Yahoo Finance / Moneywise'' (June 12, 2025) * Please help me with my military parade. ** Written in a fundraising e-mail, quoted in [https://www.mediaite.com/media/tv/chris-hayes-cackles-at-trump-email-sorry-thats-a-funny-sentence/ "Chris Hayes Cackles at Trump Email: ‘Sorry, That’s a Funny Sentence’"], ''Mediaite'' (June 13, 2025) * President Putin called this morning to very nicely wish me a Happy Birthday ** Quoted in [https://www.mediaite.com/politics/trump/trump-says-putin-very-nicely-wished-him-happy-birthday-and-they-agreed-war-in-israel-iran-should-end-on-hour-long-call/ "Trump Says Putin ‘Very Nicely’ Wished Him Happy Birthday and They Agreed ‘War in Israel-Iran Should End’ on Hour-Long Call"], ''Mediaite'' (June 14, 2025) * We can easily get a deal done between Iran and Israel, and end this bloody conflict. ** [https://www.politico.eu/article/donald-trump-iran-retaliation-levels-never-seen-before/ "Trump threatens Iran with retaliation ‘at levels never seen before’"], ''Politico'' (June 15, 2025) *ICE Officers are herewith ordered, by notice of this TRUTH, to do all in their power to achieve the very important goal of delivering the single largest Mass Deportation Program in History.<br>In order to achieve this, we must expand efforts to detain and deport Illegal Aliens in America’s largest Cities, such as Los Angeles, Chicago, and New York, where Millions upon Millions of Illegal Aliens reside. These, and other such Cities, are the core of the Democrat Power Center, where they use Illegal Aliens to expand their Voter Base, cheat in Elections, and grow the Welfare State, robbing good paying Jobs and Benefits from Hardworking American Citizens. These radical left Democrats are sick of mind, hate our country and actually want to destroy our inner cities - and they are doing a good job of it! There is something wrong with them **From Truth Social reported in [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/live-updates/trump-admin-updates-live/?id=122650591 Trump admin updates: Trump calls for expanded deportations in LA, NYC and more] ''ABC News'' (June 15, 2025) *I want them to focus on the cities because the cities are where you really have what's called sanctuary cities, and that's where the people are… Most of those people are in the cities, all blue cities, all Democrat-run cities, and they think they're going to use them to vote. It's not going to happen. **Speaking at the G7 Summit concerning the deportation of illegal aliens, reported in [https://www.cbs8.com/article/news/local/california/president-trump-orders-ice-to-target-democratic-run-cities/509-457960b7-63e1-4277-bc42-73d10918a0f4 Trump targets deportations in Democratic cities, sparks outrage in California] ''CBS8'' (June 16, 2025) *Well, considering that I’m the one that developed ‘America First,’ and considering that the term wasn’t used until I came along, I think I’m the one that decides that. **[https://www.msnbc.com/top-stories/latest/trump-america-first-iran-israel-strikes-rcna213299 Trump tries to redefine ‘America First’ in the face of MAGA backlash] ''MSNBC'' (June 16, 2025) * I don't believe in telephones. ** [https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-14820045/Donald-Trump-G7-Iran-Air-Force-One.html "Donald Trump reveals the real reason he rushed home from the G7 in Canada while bombs fell on Tehran"] ''Daily Mail'' (June 17, 2025) *Let's have a good -- they call it a lifting. They also use another word, but I'm not gonna use that word. It starts with an E. Do you know what the word is? If I ever used it, I would be run out of town by you people. **While talking with reporters on the White House lawn, where he plans on installing two massive flagpoles, reported in [https://www.irishstar.com/news/us-news/trump-cracks-crude-genitalia-joke-35414899 Trump cracks crude genitalia joke at flagpole ceremony amid fears he'll be 'run out of town'] ''Irish Star'' (June 18, 2025) *My supporters are more in love with me today, and I'm more in love with them, more than they even were at election time where we had a total landslide…<br>I may have some people that are a little bit unhappy now, but I have some people that are very happy, and I have people outside of the base that can't believe that this is happening, they're so happy ... and there was a poll that just came out today and my approval rating’s the highest it’s ever been. **Speaking to reporters at the White House on the South Lawn, asked about supporters’ concerns regarding involvement in the Israel-Iran conflict quoted in [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/wireStory/trump-supporters-love-involvement-iran-roils-maga-world-122978793 Trump says supporters are 'more in love' with him than ever, as involvement in Iran roils MAGA world] ''ABC News'' (June 18, 2025)[https://www.al.com/politics/2025/06/trump-claims-his-approval-rating-is-the-highest-its-ever-been-numbers-tell-a-different-story.html] * I may do it. I may not do it. Nobody knows what I'm going to do. ** Said about the possibility of attacking Iran, 18 June 2025. Quoted in Allan Little [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/czxww2kez0go How Trump is using the 'Madman Theory' to try to change the world (and it's working)] ''BBC News'' (July 6, 2025) * I stopped the war between Pakistan and India. ** Claimed without providing evidence, quoted in [https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/maddowblog/third-time-india-pushes-back-trumps-dubious-boasts-rcna213931 "For the third time, India pushes back against Trump’s dubious boasts"] ''MSNBC'' (June 19, 2025) *Zero Border crossings for the month for TRUMP, verses 60,000 for Sleepy, Crooked Joe Biden, a man who lost the 2020 Presidential Election by a “LANDSLIDE!” Biden was grossly incompetent, and the 2020 election was a total FRAUD! The evidence is MASSIVE and OVERWHELMING. A Special Prosecutor must be appointed. This cannot be allowed to happen again in the United States of America! **Taken from Truth Social post in [https://www.mediaite.com/politics/trump-calls-for-special-prosecutor-for-alleged-election-fraud-in-2020-claiming-he-won-in-a-landslide/ Trump Calls for Special Prosecutor for Alleged Election Fraud in 2020 — Claiming He Won in a ‘LANDSLIDE!’] ''Mediaite'' (June 20, 2025) *It’s not politically correct to use the term, ‘Regime Change’, but if the current Iranian Regime is unable to MAKE IRAN GREAT AGAIN, why wouldn’t there be a Regime change? MIGA!!! **''Truth Social'' posting, reported in [https://www.telegraph.co.uk/us/news/2025/06/23/trump-agitates-for-iran-regime-change/ Trump agitates for regime change to ‘make Iran great again’] ''The Telegraph'' (June 22, 2025) *CONGRATULATIONS TO EVERYONE! It has been fully agreed by and between Israel and Iran that there will be a Complete and Total CEASEFIRE (in approximately 6 hours from now, when Israel and Iran have wound down and completed their in progress, final missions!), for 12 hours, at which point the War will be considered, ENDED! During each CEASEFIRE, the other side will remain PEACEFUL and RESPECTFUL. On the assumption that everything works as it should, which it will, I would like to congratulate both Countries, Israel and Iran, on having the Stamina, Courage, and Intelligence to end, what should be called, “THE 12 DAY WAR”. **Truth Social post reported in [https://www.cnbc.com/2025/06/23/iran-qatar-iraq-attacks-us-israel.html Trump announces Israel-Iran ceasefire timeline he says will end the war: Live updates] ''CNBC'' (June 23, 2025)[https://www.salon.com/2025/06/23/the-12-day-war-says-israel-iran-have-reached-tentative-ceasefire-agreement/] * Israel, as soon as we made the deal they came out and they dropped a load of bombs, the likes of which I’ve never seen before.<br>I’m not happy with Israel. You know, when I say, ‘OK now you have 12 hours,’ you don’t go out to the first hour, just drop everything you have on, so I’m not happy with them. I’m not happy with Iran either.<br>ISRAEL. DO NOT DROP THOSE BOMBS. IF YOU DO IT IS A MAJOR VIOLATION. BRING YOUR PILOTS HOME, NOW! ** [https://edition.cnn.com/world/live-news/israel-iran-conflict-us-trump-06-24-25-intl-hnk#cmcaf5mst00003b6prm250209 "Trump lashes out at Israel as his Middle East truce appears to falter"] ''CNN'' (June 24, 2025) * ''About Israel and Iran:'' : I don’t believe they will ever be shooting at each other again. :* [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-expects-israel-iran-ceasefire-last-forever-rcna214660 "Trump says he expects the Israel-Iran ceasefire will last 'forever'"] ''NBC News'' (June 24, 2025) * We have no inflation. ** Claimed without providing evidence, quoted in [https://edition.cnn.com/2025/06/25/politics/fact-check-trump-nato-conference "Fact-checking Trump’s NATO news conference"] ''CNN'' (June 25, 2025) * I've talked to Putin a lot and he's actually been very kind. ** [https://www.gazetaexpress.com/en/He%27s-a-good-guy.-Trump-announces-talks-with-Zelensky--praises-Putin-as-very-kind./ "'He's a good guy': Trump announces talks with Zelensky, praises Putin as 'very kind'"] ''Gazeta Express'' (June 25, 2025) ==== July 2025 ==== * This bill rescues over 2 billion family farms from the so-called estate tax or the death tax. ** Claimed about the "Big Beautiful Bill", quoted in [https://www.irishstar.com/news/us-news/trump-loses-it-claims-2-35498032 "Trump 'loses it' as he claims 2 billion farms have been rescued then outright lies over taxes"] ''Irish Star'' (July 3, 2025) * ''Claimed about his "big beautiful bill":'' : It’s the most popular bill ever signed in the history of our country, whether you’re military or anybody else, this is the most single most popular bill ever signed, :* [https://edition.cnn.com/2025/07/04/politics/fact-check-trump-bill-unpopular "Fact check: Trump falsely claims his highly unpopular big bill is the ‘single most popular bill ever signed’"] ''CNN'' (July 4, 2025) *We made promises, and it’s really promises made, promises kept, and we’ve kept them. There’s a triumph of democracy on the birthday of democracy, and I have to say that the people are happy. **After signing the One Big Beautiful Bill into law [https://www.cnn.com/2025/07/04/politics/donald-trump-policy-bill-celebration Trump signs his agenda bill, with a flyover and fireworks to mark the occasion] ''CNN'' (July 4, 2025) *I would say firm, but not 100% firm. **When asked by a reporter whether the new August 1st tariff date was a hard deadline, quoted in [https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cd0vkl31085o US delays higher tariffs but announces new taxes for some countries] ''BBC'' (July 7, 2025) *Are you still talking about Jeffrey Epstein? This guy’s been talked about for years…. Are people still talking about this guy? This creep? That is unbelievable.<br>I can’t believe you’re asking a question on Epstein at a time like this, when we’re having some of the greatest success and also tragedy with what happened in Texas. It just seems like a desecration. **Responding to a reporter’s question to Attorney General Pam Bondi regarding Jeffrey Epstein, quoted in [https://uk.news.yahoo.com/trump-questions-why-people-talking-164717536.html Trump questions why people are talking about ‘creep’ Epstein - despite his push to release the files ] ''Yahoo News'' (July 8, 2025) *If a communist gets elected to run New York, it can never be the same, but we have tremendous power at the White House to run places when we have to.<br>New York City will run properly. We’re going to bring New York back. **After warning against the prospect of Zohran Mamdani winning the New York mayor’s race, quoted in [https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2025-07-08/trump-says-he-s-weighing-federal-takeover-of-washington-dc Trump Says He’s Weighing Federal Takeover of Washington, DC] ''Bloomberg'' (July 8, 2025)[https://archive.is/317Oy#selection-1147.0-1147.59] *TARIFFS WILL START BEING PAID ON AUGUST 1, 2025. There has been no change to this date, and there will be no change. In other words, all money will be due and payable starting AUGUST 1, 2025 — No extensions will be granted. **From ''Truth Social'', quoted in [https://www.nbcnews.com/business/business-news/trump-threatens-no-extensions-aug-1-tariff-deadline-what-countries-rcna217536 Trump threatens 'no extensions' on new Aug. 1 tariff deadline, warns of higher import taxes] ''NBC News'' (July 8, 2025) *We’re on one Team, MAGA, and I don’t like what’s happening. We have a PERFECT Administration, THE TALK OF THE WORLD, and “selfish people” are trying to hurt it, all over a guy who never dies, Jeffrey Epstein….One year ago our Country was DEAD, now it’s the “HOTTEST” Country anywhere in the World. Let’s keep it that way, and not waste Time and Energy on Jeffrey Epstein, somebody that nobody cares about. **From ''Truth Social'', quoted in [https://www.cnn.com/2025/07/12/politics/bondi-epstein-investigation-trump Trump defends Bondi amid MAGA fallout over her handling of Epstein investigation] ''CNN'' (July 13, 2025)[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/114842356238631061] *I speak to him a lot about getting this thing done. And I always hang up and say, well, that was a nice phone call. And then missiles are launched into Kyiv or some other city. And I said, strange. And after that happens three or four times, you say the talk doesn't mean anything. **Referring to his conversations with Russian President Vladimir Putin regarding ending the Russia-Ukraine war, quoted in [https://www.npr.org/transcripts/nx-s1-5467304 Trump announces new weapon plan for Ukraine, threatens Russia with tariffs] ''NPR'' (July 14, 2025) {{Disputed begin}} == Disputed == * These people should be executed. They are scumbags. ** About whistleblowers and journalists. Attributed by [[John Bolton]] in ''{{w|The Room Where It Happened}}'', ''{{w|Simon & Schuster}}'', 2020, [https://books.google.com/books?id=QjTMDwAAQBAJ&pg=PT290 p. 290] {{cite book |isbn=978-1-9821-4805-8}} *Do you still like having sex with your wife? How often? You must have had a better fuck than your wife? Tell me about it. I have girls coming in from [[Los Angeles]] at three o'clock. We can go upstairs and have a great time. I promise. **Reported by Michael Wolff in [http://web.archive.org/web/20180107223847if_/https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DSpgpeyVMAAMcS1.jpg ''Fire and Fury: Inside the Trump White House''] (5 January 2018) * I hope you can see your way clear to letting this go, to letting Flynn go. He is a good guy. I hope you can let this go. ** Reported as being the words of President Trump recorded in a memo that [[James Comey]], FBI Director at the time, wrote shortly after a meeting held in the Oval Office on 14 February 2017, referring to the federal investigation into links to the Russian government of national security adviser, [[Michael T. Flynn]], who had resigned the day before. In a statement, the White House has denied the version of events in the memo. — [https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/16/us/politics/james-comey-trump-flynn-russia-investigation.html New York Times (16 May 2017)] ** Comey confirmed under oath his account of Trump's words while [https://www.nytimes.com/2017/06/08/us/politics/senate-hearing-transcript.html appearing before the Senate Intelligence Committee] (8 June 2017) ** When asked about Comey's testimony during a [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hplM_DYp-Vk press conference on 9 June 2017], Trump said, "I didn't say that. I will tell you I didn't say that. And there'd be nothing wrong if I did say it according to everybody that I've read today, but I did not say that." * Why are we having all these people from shithole countries come here? ** Reportedly said in a meeting with lawmakers on immigration, as quoted in [http://thehill.com/homenews/administration/368576-trump-rips-protections-for-immigrants-from-shithole-countries-in "Trump criticized immigration from 's---hole' countries: report"] (11 January 2018), by Avery Anapol, ''The Hill''. Variant: "Why do we want all these people from shithole countries coming here?" As quoted in [http://www.cnn.com/2018/01/11/politics/trump-rock-bottom/index.html Trump's 'shithole' comment is his new rock bottom], ''CNN'', 12 January 2018. Trump denied making this comment. *** "The language used by me at the DACA meeting was tough, but this was not the language used." [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/951793123985973248 Tweet by @realDonaldTrump] (12 January 2018) *Why do we want all these people from Africa here? They're shithole countries ... We should have more people from Norway. **[https://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-trump-immigration-norway/thanks-but-no-thanks-norwegians-reject-trumps-immigration-offer-idUSKBN1F11QK 12 January 2018, per Reuters' source] *Why do we need more Haitians? Take them out. **Reportedly said in a meeting with lawmakers on immigration, as quoted in [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/donald-trump-shthole-countries-response-from-haiti-africa-el-salvador/?ftag=CNM-00-10aab8a&linkId=46885064 "'Sh*thole countries' respond to Trump's rhetoric"], ''CBS News''. Trump denied making this comment. ** "Never said anything derogatory about Haitians other than Haiti is, obviously, a very poor and troubled country. Never said "take them out." Made up by Dems. I have a wonderful relationship with Haitians. Probably should record future meetings - unfortunately, no trust!" [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/951813216291708928 Tweet by @realDonaldTrump] (12 January 2018) *[B]lack people are too stupid to vote for me. **As quoted in [https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2018/11/michael-cohen-trump-racist-language "Michael Cohen Says Trump Repeatedly Used Racist Language in Private"] (2 November 2018), by Emily Jane Fox, ''Vanity Fair''. In a post-2018 midterm press conference, Trump denied making the comment and dismissed Cohen's claims: "That's false" — as quoted in [https://www.yahoo.com/news/president-trump-says-never-used-racist-remarks-195529076.html "President Trump says he has 'never used racist remarks'"] (7 November 2018), by Hunter Walker, ''Yahoo News''. *Name one country run by a black person that's not a shithole... Name one city. **As quoted in [https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2018/11/michael-cohen-trump-racist-language "Michael Cohen Says Trump Repeatedly Used Racist Language in Private"] (2 November 2018), by Emily Jane Fox, ''Vanity Fair''. "White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders denied those comments at the time." *Why should I go to that cemetery? It’s filled with losers .. suckers .. Who were the good guys in this war? **[https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/white-house-decision-cancel-veteran-s-cemetery-france-visit-creates-n934796 Saturday 10 November 2018] two hours before a scheduled 30-minute helicopter ride from Paris to the Aisne-Marne American Cemetery, the visit was cancelled with White House stating a rainy forecast made it too dangerous **[https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2020/09/trump-americans-who-died-at-war-are-losers-and-suckers/615997/ 3 September 2020] TheAtlantic.com writer [[Jeffrey Goldberg]] stated that "four people with firsthand knowledge of the discussion that day" (Goldberg did not provide any names) that "Trump rejected the idea of the visit because he feared his hair would become disheveled in the rain, and because he did not believe it important to honor American war dead", and described the two-sentence quote above as part of "a conversation with senior staff members on the morning of the scheduled visit". ***Goldberg also stated that during the trip (in a separate conversation) that Trump used the term "suckers" to collectively describe the 1800+ marines who died at Belleau Wood, but did not provide any surrounding words (the purported quote was the only word in quotation marks) ***the sentence about "good guys" Goldberg says was stated towards aides (not senior staff members) ****Goldberg did state a number regarding witness count of the other two statements, only for the "losers" one **[https://nationalpost.com/news/world/donald-trump-the-atlantic-john-mccain-loserstrump-denies-account-of-him-disparaging-u-s-war-dead-mccain 4 September 2020] Trump responded to Goldberg's piece "It’s a total lie. It’s fake news". **Trump also [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1301893907295371266 tweeted that day]: "The Atlantic Magazine is dying, like most magazines, so they make up a fake story in order to gain some relevance. Story already refuted, but this is what we are up against." **press secretary [[Kayleigh McEnany]] also [https://www.realclearpolitics.com/video/2020/09/04/whs_mcenany_atlantic_report_on_trump_has_been_categorically_debunked_by_witnesses_clearly_fake_news.html on September 4th] stated "The story in the Atlantic has been categorically debunked by eyewitnesses and contemporaneous documents", quoting two service members: ***""I was with the president the morning after the scheduled visit. He was extremely disappointed that arrangements could not be made to get him to the site and that the trip had been cancelled. I have worked with the president for his entire administration .. I have never heard him utter a disparaging remark of any kind about our troops." - Derek Lyons ***"there was a bad weather called in France and that the helicopters were unable to safely make the flight. Overall, the president's support and respect for our American troops past and present is unquestionable" - Dan Walsh **following Goldberg's piece that same day, [[James LaPorta]] wrote [https://apnews.com/article/b823f2c285641a4a09a96a0b195636ed on AP] "A senior Defense Department official with firsthand knowledge of events and a senior U.S. Marine Corps officer who was told about Trump’s comments confirmed some of the remarks to The Associated Press, including the 2018 cemetery comments." ====June 2025==== *The horrific decision stated that I would have to get the approval of Congress for these Tariffs. In other words, hundreds of politicians would sit around D.C. for weeks, and even months, trying to come to a conclusion as to what to charge other Countries that are treating us unfairly. If allowed to stand, this would completely destroy Presidential Power — The Presidency would never be the same! **Regarding the Court of International Trade’s decision stating that tariffs must be approved by Congress according to the Constitution, as quoted in “Truth Social” and reported in [https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/maddowblog/congress-trade-tariffs-trump-gives-away-game-power-grab-rcna210366 On Congress and trade tariffs, Trump gives away the game about his power grab] ''MSNBC'' (June 2, 2025) {{Disputed end}} {{misattributed begin}} == Misattributed == * I have a really high IQ, Phil. I mean, c'mon. It's impossible for me to not be atheist. ** Attributed by photo meme to an appearance on ''The Phil Donahue Show'' in 1989. [http://www.snopes.com/trump-donahue-atheist-1989/ According to Snopes.com], there is no evidence he ever said this, nor that he even appeared on ''The Phil Donahue Show'' in 1989. * This has been the worst trade deal in the history of trade deals, maybe ever. ** Actual quote was "[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kl2QShtOwbU NAFTA is the worst trade deal maybe ever signed anywhere, but certainly ever signed in this country.]" * If I were to run, I'd run as a Republican. They're the dumbest group of voters in the country. They believe anything on Fox News. I could lie and they'd still eat it up. I bet my numbers would be terrific. ** There is no record of Trump ever saying this; sometimes "''People'' magazine, 1998" is ''incorrectly'' given as the "source" of this quotation — [http://www.snopes.com/1998-trump-people-quote/ snopes.com]; [https://www.truthorfiction.com/donald-trump-said-republicans-are-the-dumbest-group-of-voters/ truthorfiction.com] * The harder I work, the luckier I get. ** Originated with [[Samuel Goldwyn]] as a paraphrase of a proverb from a collection by Coleman Cox, but similar proverbs have existed since the 16th century. [http://quoteinvestigator.com/2012/07/21/luck-hard-work/] * Life is what you do while you're waiting to die. ** [[w:Fred Ebb|Fred Ebb]], ''[[w:Zorba (musical)|Zorba]]'' (1968) * People are dying today that have never died before. ** [https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/trump-quote-never-died-before/ According to Snopes.com], there is no record of Trump saying this. * The doctors said they've never seen a body kill the Coronavirus like my body. They tested my DNA and it wasn't DNA. It was USA. ** Reportedly said by Trump after he was hospitalized with [[w:Coronavirus disease 2019|COVID-19]], following [[w:White House COVID-19 outbreak|an outbreak of the disease in the White House]]; the quote actually originates from an image featuring a fabricated subtitle overlaid on a video released by the President while he was in [[w:Walter Reed National Military Medical Center|Walter Reed National Military Medical Center]]. [https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/trump-coronavirus-kill-body/] * My blood IS the vaccine!!!!! ** Originates from a fabricated screenshot of a tweet allegedly posted on October 5, 2020, the same day Trump was released from [[w:Walter Reed National Military Medical Center|Walter Reed National Military Medical Center]] after his diagnosis of [[w:Coronavirus disease 2019|COVID-19]]. [https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/trump-my-blood-is-the-vaccine/] The fictitious quote likely refers to the donation of the [[w:blood plasma|blood plasma]] of COVID-19 survivors as a treatment method against catching the disease, a treatment of which Trump has been a vocal supporter. Trump has, however, suggested that he would consider donating his own plasma for this purpose. [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/donald-trump-donate-plasma-covid-19-coronavirus/] {{misattributed end}} ==Quotes about Trump== :<small>Alphabetized by surname.</small> :<small>[[#A|A]] · [[#B|B]] · [[#C|C]] · [[#D|D]] · [[#E|E]] · [[#F|F]] · [[#G|G]] · [[#H|H]] · [[#I|I]] · [[#J|J]] · [[#K|K]] · [[#L|L]] · [[#M|M]] · [[#N|N]] · [[#O|O]] · [[#P|P]] · [[#Q|Q]] · [[#R|R]] · [[#S|S]] · [[#T|T]] · [[#U|U]] · [[#V|V]] · [[#W|W]] · [[#X|X]] · [[#Y|Y]] · [[#Z|Z]] · [[#See also|See&nbsp;also]] · [[#External links|External&nbsp;links]]</small> [[File:Lou Barletta.jpg|thumb|Donald Trump's voice is resonating with average Americans who feel their voice has been lost by their party. I believe this will become a new Republican Party, one that we should embrace. We should be the party of working men and women, the party of America first. ~ [[w:Lou Barletta|Lou Barletta]]]] [[File:Glenn Beck by Gage Skidmore 3.jpg|thumb|Donald Trump, I really truly [[believe]] is a very [[dangerous]] man. If you listen to the things he said... He has joked about killing reporters. ~ [[Glenn Beck]] ]] {{npov}} === A === [[File:Bashar al-Assad (cropped).jpg|thumb|I don't know him, when I sit with him face-to-face, I can judge him. But I only look at the person on the TV. ~ [[Bashar al-Assad]]]] *We have a commander-in-chief who has never failed to signal his [[xenophobia]], his racism, his bigotry and his hatred. And that will absolutely filter down to the youngest and most impressionable members of our communities. **[[Stacey Abrams]] [https://www.democracynow.org/2019/1/31/stacey_abrams_we_have_to_work Interview] with Democracy Now (January 2019) * The meta-impact of President Trump routinely doing the "[[impossibility|impossible]]" is that it changes how all of us view our world. If Trump can keep doing the impossible, time and time again, why can't we? [...] [D]on't be surprised if 2018 is the year when people all over the world shed their mental prisons and take on the "impossibles" in ways we have never seen. Thanks to President Trump, people everywhere are beginning to recognize the difference between real impossibilities and simple failures of imagination. ** [[Scott Adams]], [http://blog.dilbert.com/2018/01/02/president-trump-changed-imagination/ "How President Trump Changed Your Imagination"] (2 January 2018) *Trump gives about four months for Syria troop pull-out: NYT **Aljazeera, [https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2019/01/trump-months-syria-troop-pull-nyt-190101143234181.html 1 January 2019] in response to [https://www.nytimes.com/2018/12/31/us/politics/trump-troop-withdrawal-syria-months.html?action=click&login=smartlock&auth=login-smartlock 31 December 2019] article by Eric Schmitt and Maggie Haberman of New York Times titled "Trump to Allow Months for Troop Withdrawal in Syria, Officials Say" that says "Trump has agreed to give the military about four months to withdraw the 2,000 United States troops in Syria, administration officials said on Monday" * I think it's funny because Donald Trump is kind of in the spirit of old Greek tyrants where they used to vote in a guy that had no encumbrances. So the smartest thing about him, which is probably most overlooked, to me, is that he doesn't owe anybody anything and if he would just stick to fixing the bridges, roads and infrastructures that's what he knows how to do...just keep him doing that. ** [[Tim Allen]], as quoted in [http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2016/01/13/tim-allen-says-leans-left-leans-right-and-ends-up-center-right.html "Tim Allen says he leans left, leans right, and ends up 'center right'"] by Blanche Johnson, ''FoxNews.com'' (13 January 2016) * I think Trump failed to pull off his [[Coup d'état|coup]] because of three enduring weaknesses in his character. First, many high school students know more about how the American government works than he does. He particularly does not understand the way the Constitution’s division of powers, even after all the growth in executive power over the decades, still can check an overreaching president. Thus he seems to have assumed that Republican judges would agree the election had been rigged simply because they were Republicans, when actually they were foremost judges in an independent judiciary bound by precedent, by a duty to see that justice is done, and by a demand for evidence. Similarly, Congress has many ties to executive agencies such as the FBI and the Department of Defense, especially the ties that bind with purse strings, that give it considerable influence in these agencies. <br>Second, organizing something as complicated as a [[Coup d'état|coup d’etat]] takes some serious cognitive chops, and by 2020 Donald Trump had trouble “staying on topic” for even a minute. If he were huddling with a conspirator over, say, control of the U.S. Marshalls during a takeover, he would soon be talking about how windmills kill eagles or the steam catapults on aircraft carriers. His thinking processes were too chaotic to orchestrate a coup. <br>Third, even though Donald Trump convinced millions that he was a self-assured, super-confident, take-charge [[Individualism|individualist]], he has long lacked resolve. He always had the courage of his convictions, which meant he had almost none. He frequently changed positions on important issues, notoriously being swayed by whoever spoke to him last, and his decision-making could be fairly characterized as “Charge ahead impulsively, then quickly retreat.” For example, two days after the networks declared Joe Biden had won the election, Trump signed an executive order commanding the withdrawal of American troops from Afghanistan and elsewhere by inauguration day. This surprised everyone at the Pentagon, whose officials immediately pointed out the dangers of precipitate withdrawals. Trump almost never went toe-to-toe with advisors who stood up to him. Instead he just sulked and complained about having “too many lawyers.” Like the executive order Trump signed curtailing military aid to [[South Korea]] that an aide simply took off his desk and deep-sixed, the order about Afghanistan was ignored. <br>'''[[Harry S. Truman|Harry Truman]] famously said, “If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen,” and he had a sign on his desk that read, “The buck stops here.” Trump can’t stand the heat, and accordingly he always makes sure the buck stops somewhere else. Like most [[Bullying|bullies]], he usually gets another person to do his dirty work and face all the danger. The mob who attacked the Capitol on January 6th were the latest version of the throngs who bought Trump’s junk bonds in earlier days, taking all the risks, for his benefit, while he watched.''' ** [[Bob Altemeyer]], [https://theauthoritarians.org/lessons-of-the-2020-american-election-january-6th-and-beyond/ "Lessons of the 2020 American Election, January 6th, and Beyond"], October 20, 2021. * What's more appalling is that huge numbers of those left behind in the wealth transfer genuflected to the new plutocratic class, celebrating the most vicious of the uber- [[Chief executive officer|CEOs]]. This craven CEO-worshipping is still going on today- middle Americans drag themselves home after work in order to gather around the television and watch billionaire assholes like Donald Trump deliver his "You're fired!" line to some desperate, stressed-out [[w:Waylon Smithers|Smithers]]-abee. ** [[Mark Ames]], ''Going Postal: Rage, Murder and Rebellion: From Reagan's Workplaces to Clinton's Columbine and Beyond'' (2005), p. 87-88 * He really does remind you of the original Narcissus, the frigid pretty boy of [[Greek myths|Greek myth]] who was mortally smitten by his own reflection. Narcissus is autoerotic; he is self-aroused. ** [[Martin Amis]] [https://harpers.org/archive/2016/08/don-the-realtor/ "Don the Realtor"] ''Harper's Magazine'' (August 2016) *[[w:Neo-Nazis|We]] support Trump because he is the savior of the [[White people|White race]], sent by God to free us from the shackles of the Jew occupation and establish a 1000 Reich. ** {{w|Andrew Anglin}}, as quoted in [http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/trump-neo-nazis-jews_us_5747397be4b0dacf7ad4480e "Trump's Neo-Nazi And Jewish Backers Are Both Convinced He's Secretly On Their Side"] (26 May 2016), by Jessica Schulberg, ''The Huffington Post'' * Yes, Trump is worse than imperfect. So what? We can lament until we choke the lack of a great [[Statesmanship|statesman]] to address the fundamental issues of our time—or, more importantly, to connect them. Since [[Pat Buchanan]]'s three failures, occasionally a candidate arose who saw one piece: [[Dick Gephardt]] on trade, [[Ron Paul]] on war, [[Tom Tancredo]] on immigration. Yet, among recent political figures—great statesmen, dangerous demagogues, and mewling gnats alike—only Trump-the-alleged-buffoon not merely saw all three and their essential connectivity, ''but was able to win on them''. The alleged buffoon is thus more prudent—more practically wise—than all of our wise-and-good who so bitterly oppose him. This should embarrass them. That their failures instead embolden them is only further proof of their foolishness and hubris. **{{w|Michael Anton}} (as "Publius Decius Mus"), [http://www.claremont.org/crb/basicpage/the-flight-93-election/ "The Flight 93 Election"], ''The Claremont Institute'' (September 5, 2016) * Trump is not the only president in the modern era to have switched sides. [[Ronald Reagan]] famously changed from the [[Democratic Party (United States)|Democratic Party]] to the [[Republican Party (United States)|Republican Party]], but the change was driven by principle, and the change stuck. He didn't sway back and forth, again and again. It would be tough for anyone to claim Donald Trump flipped parties on "principle" like Reagan. Some have sought to dig into Trump's ideological evolution, figuring out what changed or who inspired him to become a Republican. I'll spare them the needless waste of effort. Donald Trump became a conservative when it became politically convenient for him. I have no doubt he would have become the raucous rising star of the Democratic Party, too, if that looked like a shorter path to the Oval Office. Either way, he did with his belief system what he did with any Trump product. He outsourced it for low-cost manufacturing to someone else, then slapped his name on it. A handful of hired minions gave him the bare-bones requirements of a "conservative" platform. And he covered it with gaudy gold plating to make it his own. ** Anonymous, ''A Warning'' (2019), p. 97 * Donald Trump has America back on the road to bankruptcy, an area where he has unparalleled expertise for a president of the United States. The small band of fiscal conservatives who remain in the Trump administration warned the president about the eventual dangers of his out-of-control spending addiction. In one such meeting, Trump reportedly said, "Yeah, but I won't be here." I never heard him say those words, but it doesn't come as a surprise. That's how he thinks. What does he care if the federal government goes belly-up? By then it won't be his problem. ** Anonymous, ''A Warning'' (2019), p. 101 * The president's denial-turned-apathy to Moscow's actions is why America responded with the diplomatic equivalent of a whimper to one of the biggest foreign affronts to our democracy. Of all the failures of Trump's foreign policy, letting Russia off the hook is perhaps the most frustrating. The outgoing Obama administration imposed modest [[United States sanctions|sanctions]] on [[Moscow]], including expelling several dozen alleged Russian agents from the United States, but it left the rest to the incoming White House. Trump was reluctant to take further action that might offend Putin, with whom he hoped to develop a close working relationship. He hesitated to even raise the subject in conversations with the Russian leader, dumbfounding people on the inside. I remember when [[United States Congress|Congress]] sanctioned Russia in summer 2017. Representatives vented their anger over how little the administration had done to hold Russia accountable, so they took matters into their own hands and passed legislation punishing the country. Though he would later take credit for the sanctions in order to claim our administration had been unusually tough on Moscow, Trump in fact was furious. He felt Congress was getting in the way of his goal of a warm friendship with the Kremlin. Russia responded to the sanctions by kicking out hundreds of US embassy staff from their country and seizing US diplomatic compounds. President Trump's response was startling. "I want to thank him because we're trying to cut down on payroll," Trump told reporters about Putin's move, without a hint of irony. "And as far as I'm concerned, I'm very thankful that he let go a large number of people, because now we have a smaller payroll. There's no real reason for them to go back. So I greatly appreciate the fact that we've been able to cut our payroll of the United States. We'll save a lot of money." ** Anonymous, ''A Warning'' (2019), p. 164-165 * Trump's cavalier attitude toward the Russian security threat has had a predictable yet devastating consequence. Moscow has not been deterred from attacking American interests. It has been emboldened. They continue to take advantage of the United States, around the world and on our own soil. Former director of National Intelligence [[Dan Coats]] testified in January 2019 that Russia was still sowing social, racial, and political discord in the United States through influence operations, and several months later, [[Robert Mueller]] said the same. "It wasn't a single attempt," he testified to Congress. "They're doing it as we sit here. And they expect to do it during the next campaign." This should be a national scandal, a cause for outrage and action against the Russian government. Instead, it's being ignored where it should matter most- in the Oval Office. Reporters asked Trump about Mueller's assessment days later and quizzed him again on whether he'd pressed Putin on the topic. "You don't really believe this," he shot back. "Do you believe this? Okay, fine. We didn't talk about it." Then he boarded Marine One. ** Anonymous, ''A Warning'' (2019), p. 167 * As we tried to make sense of Donald Trump's positions or when one of us tried to argue against them, we first had to ask: Why is the president so attracted to autocrats? After a contentious meeting about the president's engagement with a foreign dictator, a top national security aide offered me his take. "The president sees in these guys what he wishes he had: total power, no term limits, enforced popularity, and the ability to silence critics for good." He was spot on. It was the simplest explanation. ** Anonymous, ''A Warning'' (2019), p. 171 * Mr. Trump is a wild card, but he is likely to sign pro-life measures, and he is seeking advice now from the right people to appoint a plausible successor to [[Antonin Scalia|Justice Scalia]]. In this Guide for the Perplexed, we may find reason to bite our lips and take the Wild Card over the brutal Sure Thing on the other side. ** [[w:Hadley Arkes|Hadley Arkes]], [https://www.thecatholicthing.org/2016/05/04/a-guide-for-the-perplexed/ "A Guide for the Perplexed"], ''The Catholic Thing'' (4 May 2016) * '''I don't know him, when I sit with him face-to-face, I can judge him. But I only look at the person on the TV,''' you know, on the TV you can manipulate everything, you can...rehearse, you can prepare yourself... ** [[Bashar al-Assad]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=45odEv_1DAY Interview with Bill Neely] (July 2016) on "[https://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/syria-s-president-bashar-al-assad-speaks-nbc-news-n608746 NBC: Exclusive Interview with Bashar al-Assad]" * My analysis is that Trump would not be permitted to win. Why do I say that? Because he has had every establishment off his side. Trump does not have one establishment, maybe with the exception of the Evangelicals, if you can call them an establishment. Banks, intelligence, arms companies, foreign money, etc. are all united behind [[Hillary Clinton]]. And the media as well. Media owners, and the journalists themselves. ** [[Julian Assange]], interview with John Pilger; [https://www.rt.com/news/365299-assange-pilger-saudi-clinton/ "Assange: Clinton & ISIS funded by same money, Trump won't be allowed to win"], ''[[w:RT (TV network)|RT.com]]'' (4 November 2016) * [Trump] is consistent. He is the same person that you see behind the scenes as he is in the public or through the media. ** [[Jacinda Ardern]] in [https://thespinoff.co.nz/politics/20-08-2020/the-complete-history-of-donald-trump-v-jacinda-ardern/ A brief history of Donald Trump v Jacinda Ardern] * There is no greater sacrifice than to lay down one's life for their country, and that's the sacrifice that Captain Humayum Khan made fighting to defend our freedom and our constitutional rights. He was a true American hero. The Khan family deserves nothing less than our deepest support, respect, and gratitude, and they have every right to express themselves in any way they choose. I am appalled that Donald Trump would disparage them and that he had the gall to compare his own sacrifices to those of a Gold Star family. ** {{w|Kelly Ayotte}}, statement regarding Donald Trump's comments about Khizr and Ghazala Khan [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-politics/wp/2016/07/31/khizr-khan-calls-trump-a-black-soul-says-mcconnell-ryan-have-moral-obligation-to-repudiate-him/] (July 31, 2016) === B === * Attached hereto is a copy of Mr. Trump's birth certificate, demonstrating that he is the son of Fred Trump, not an orangutan. **Scott Balber, Donald Trump's lawyer, to comedian [[Bill Maher]] (2013), in response to Maher's facetious assertion that he'd pay Trump $5 million dollars upon release of Trump's birth certificate to prove he was not sired by an {{w|orangutan}}. [http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/celebrity-news/my-dad-was-not-an-orangutan-donald-trump-says-in-lawsuit/article8467052/] [http://www.mediaite.com/tv/bill-maher-nukes-trump-over-lawsuit-the-law-is-not-a-toy-for-rich-idiots-to-play-with/] * Mr Khan, shame on you & #CrookedHillary (Hillary Clinton) for not being truthful to all in attacks at @realDonaldTrump (Donald Trump). ** {{w|Al Baldasaro}}, [https://twitter.com/Al_Baldasaro/status/760122082323795968 Twitter, August 1, 2016] *Come on. You know it's only socialism when it helps the working class. Farm bailout will primarily help big Ag. (referring to [https://www.latimes.com/business/hiltzik/la-fi-hiltzik-trump-farm-bailout-20190528-story.html?outputType=amp ''Los Angeles Times'' article: Rich farmers, not mom-and-pop farms, will collect most of Trump's tariff bailout (31 May 2019)] **[[Krystal Ball]] in [https://twitter.com/krystalball/status/1144018130357882880 ''Twitter Post,''] (26 June 2019) *Interesting nugget here as well. @tparsi had been informed by a Hill staffer in touch with the Pentagon that military strikes were imminent. Apparently everyone thought these strikes were really happening right up until the last moment. @esaagar ... @tparsi also warns that any military strike could easily lead to full blown conflict. "The Idea that there's such a thing as a limited strike on Iran is frankly preposterous." ... Interview with Head of the National Iranian American Council @tparsi . He told us it would be "political suicide" for any Iranian politician to meet with Trump as long as Bolton/Pompeo are around. @esaagar ... #rising #sanctions #Iran #iranwar **[[Krystal Ball]] in [https://twitter.com/krystalball ''Twitter Post''], (24 June 2019) *Wait... you only thought to ask about how many people would die 10 minutes before the strike??? That's a rather important piece of info to nearly overlook. **[[Krystal Ball]] in [https://twitter.com/krystalball ''Twitter Post''], (21 June 2019) * As Democrats jeer that Trump has merely laid bare the true soul of the GOP, some Republicans wonder, with considerable anguish, whether they're right. ** {{w|Molly Ball}}, ''[http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2015/08/can-the-republican-party-survive-trumo/402074/ Can the Republican Party Survive Trump?]'', ''{{w|The Atlantic}}'' (August 24, 2015) * Viewed through any conventional lens, [[President of the United States|President]]-elect Donald Trump's candidacy was [[improbable]] from start to finish. Today, two things about his [[victory]] seem to be in sharper focus: one, that Trump's victory might best be understood as the success of the country's first [[independent]] [[president]], and second, that the Trump coalition may be even more uniquely his than President [[Barack Obama|Obama]]'s has turned out to be.<br>Trump owes his [[success]] in part to the fact that he ran for president in an environment that favored [[change]] over the [[status quo]]. But his [[luck]] or [[genius]] goes beyond that. It has long been noted that the conditions have existed for an independent candidate to run a serious campaign for president.<br>Trump took the elements of an independent candidacy — the lack of clear [[ideology]], the name recognition of a national [[celebrity]] and the personal [[fortune]] needed to fund a presidential campaign — and then did what no one seemed to have thought of before. He staged a hostile takeover of an existing major party. He had the best of both worlds, an outsider candidacy with crosscutting ideological appeal and the platform of a major party to wage the general election. By the time he had finished, he had taken down two political dynasties: the [[w:Bush family|Bush dynasty]] in the primaries and the [[w:Clinton family|Clinton dynasty]] in the general election. ** [[Dan Balz]], ''[https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/donald-trump-americas-first-independent-president/2016/11/19/b09e1cc6-ade2-11e6-8b45-f8e493f06fcd_story.html Donald Trump, America's first independent president]'' (November 19, 2016) * It should not have taken a pandemic to raise these resources. In June 2019, we presented a [[w:Poor_People’s_Moral_Budget|Poor People’s Moral Budget]] to the House Budget Committee, showing that we can meet these needs for this entire country. '''If you had taken up this Moral Budget, we would have already moved towards infusing more than $1.2 trillion into the economy to invest in health care, good jobs, living wages, housing, water and sanitation services and more.<BR>This is not the time for trickle-down solutions. We know that when you lift from the bottom, everybody rises. There are concrete solutions to this immediate crisis and the longer term illnesses we have been battling for months, years and decades before. We will continue to organize and build power until you meet these demands. Many millions of us have been hurting for far too long. We will not be silent anymore.'''<br>With its broad sweep, the [[2020 coronavirus pandemic in the United States|COVID-19 pandemic]] has forced us into an unprecedented [[w:State of emergency|national emergency]]. This emergency, however, results from a deeper and much longer term crisis — that of [[Poverty in the United States|poverty]] and [[w:Inequality in the United States|inequality]], and of a [[w:Society of the United States|society]] that ignores the needs of 140 million people who are poor or a $400 emergency away from being poor. **[[Rev William Barber II]] in Letter to President [[Donald Trump]], Vice President [[Mike Pence]] and Members of the [[w:116th United States Congress|116th Congress]], ''[https://www.poorpeoplescampaign.org/poverty-amidst-pandemic/ Poverty Amidst Pandemic: A Moral Response to COVID-19]'' (March 19, 2020), co-written with [[Liz Theoharis]], [[Poor People's Campaign: A National Call for a Moral Revival]] [[File:Interfaith Health Care Vigil 6291113.jpg|thumb|Trump and Pence need to let the people go. They’ve been holding poor and low-wealth people hostage, essential workers hostage. It’s time for a change in this country. ~ [[Rev. William Barber II]] ]] *On the issue of the [[Economy of the United States|economy]], I think there couldn’t be a more fundamental difference between Donald Trump and [[Joe Biden]]. Joe Biden believes you measure the health and the strength of America’s economy based on the health and the strength of the American worker and the American family. On the other hand, you have '''Donald Trump, who measures the strength of the economy based on how rich people are doing, which is why he passed a tax bill benefiting the top 1% and the biggest corporations of America, leading to a $2 trillion deficit that the American people are going to have to pay for'''<br>'''Not only will Pence and Trump not acknowledge racism when it comes to police violence, they are not even acknowledging the disparate racism in economics and in healthcare, and... wanting to only secure the wealthy and the greedy...'''<BR> '''The Trump-Pence plan is talking about giving more money to the wealthy. In fact, the Trump-Pence-McConnell plan, they refuse to pass a stimulus because they want another $200 billion in tax cuts''', they want money for a fighter jet, and they want to protect corporations from liability when those corporations didn’t protect their people from coronavirus. **[[Rev William Barber II]], quoted in [https://www.democracynow.org/2020/10/8/mike_pence_kamala_harris_vp_debate Rev. William Barber: Millions Are Struggling. So Why Do the Debates Ignore Poverty?, ''DemocracyNow''], (8 October 2020) *What I saw in [[North Carolina]], what we defeated in North Carolina, what we filed suit against in North Carolina, is now what Trump and Pence are talking about doing on the national level: surgical racism with surgical precision... '''Pence and Trump don’t believe in [[W:Voting Rights Act|the Voting Rights Act]]... They know they cannot win if everybody votes. They are terribly afraid of poor and low-wealth Black and Brown people voting.'''<br>And then stop saying Trump won the last time. He was elected by the Electoral College because of 80,000 votes. We have to end this mythology that he had some kind of superpower. The fact of the matter is, 100 million people did not vote. .. I couldn’t help but go to the [[Book of Exodus]], where it talked about where God said, “If you don’t let my people go, I’m going to cause flies to come as a sign of what’s wrong. But I won’t let the flies be on the people, but the fly will be a symbol that you’re just wrong. You’re lying. Let my people go.” And Trump and Pence need to let the people go. They’ve been holding poor and low-wealth people hostage, essential workers hostage. It’s time for a change in this country. **[[Rev. William Barber II]] in [https://www.democracynow.org/2020/10/8/rev_william_barber_voting_2020 Rev. William Barber on Voter Suppression: Republicans Know They Can’t Win If Everyone Casts a Ballot'], [[w:Democracy Now!|''Democracy Now!'']], (8 October 2020) * '''Donald Trump's voice is resonating with average Americans who feel their voice has been lost by their party. I believe this will become a new Republican Party, one that we should embrace. We should be the party of working men and women, the party of America first.''' ** {{w|Lou Barletta}}, as quoted in [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-politics/wp/2016/03/22/lou-barletta-an-immigration-hard-liner-in-congress-endorses-trump/ "Lou Barletta, an immigration hard-liner in Congress, endorses Trump"] by Robert Costa, ''The Washington Post'' (22 March 2016) * Orchestrating a mob to pressure [[Congress]] is inexcusable. ** William Barr, Former Attorney General, as quoted in [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/congress/barr-says-trump-s-conduct-betrayal-presidency-n1253281 "Barr says Trump's conduct is a 'betrayal' of the presidency"] January 7 2021 <i> NBC News </i> * You can’t trust him. * He has no principles. None. None. * His goddamned tweet and the lying, oh, my God. * The change of stories. The lack of preparation. The lying. Holy shit. ** [[w:Maryanne Trump Barry|Maryanne Trump Barry]], sister of Donald Trump, as quoted in [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-politics/wp/2016/03/22/lou-barletta-an-immigration-hard-liner-in-congress-endorses-trump/ Trump’s Sister Says He Is a Liar With “No Principles” in Secret Recordings: “You Can’t Trust Him”] by Daniel Politi, ''Slate'' (22 August 2020) *Iran's actions can hardly be said to have occurred in a vacuum... it has been the recent policy of "maximum pressure" on Tehran under the incoherent foreign policy of the Trump administration that has exacerbated the current tensions... the [[W:United States withdrawal from the Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action|Trump administration has withdrawn]] unilaterally from the internationally agreed – and successful – [[w:Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action|Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action (JCPOA) of 2015]]... It is not hard, then, to see how these moves might be viewed in Tehran: as part of an escalating offensive from multiple sources threatening its own home front in a campaign of [[w:economic warfare|economic warfare]] designed to weaken the regime....The depth of the US stake in this increasingly dangerous game is far harder to judge, given the usual confusion of Trump's flip-flopping and the machinations of Bolton... All of which leaves us to contemplate the most frightening element of all in a complex crisis: that the current occupant of the White House lacks any of the skills required to successfully defuse it. **[[Peter Beaumont (journalist)|Peter Beaumont]] in [https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2019/jun/14/trump-iran-oil-tanker-attacks ''Trump's fanned the flames in Iran, now the fire risks getting out of control, The Guardian,''] (14 June 2019) *When conservatives desperately needed allies in the fight against big government, Donald Trump didn't stand on the sidelines. He consistently advocated that your money be spent, that your government grow, and that your Constitution be ignored... Trump's potential primary victory would provide Hillary Clinton with the easiest imaginable path to the White House. But it's far worse than that. If Donald Trump wins the Republican nomination, there will once again be no opposition to an ever-expanding government. This is a crisis for [[conservatism]]. And, once again, this crisis will not go to waste. **[[Glenn Beck]], [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination "Conservatives Against Trump"] (21 January 2016), ''National Review'' *'''Donald Trump, I really truly believe is a very dangerous man. If you listen to the things he said''' this weekend... 'I could go onto Fifth Avenue and shoot people and I wouldn't lose a vote'. '''He has joked about killing reporters''' — and 'not' killing reporters like [[Vladimir Putin|Putin]] does... We don't change with the mood of the country. That is the problem with our country right now. The Constitution is to anchor us in principles that help temper the mood of the country... The mood of the country is very angry, but you never make a good decision when you are angry... The worst thing we can do is to now start looking at, who is going to get revenge? One of the things that Donald Trump does, when you have a guy who is angry and then has an enemies list and starts to just take people down over and over and over again — if you disagree with him, he destroys you. If that is the mood of the country, we are in more trouble than I thought. **[[Glenn Beck]], [http://www.cnn.com/2016/01/25/politics/glenn-beck-donald-trump-dangerous/index.html interview on ''New Day''] (January 2016), ''CNN'', Georgia: Cable News Network * '''Trump may be vulgar, Trump may be abrasive, but in terms of racism, corruption, and destruction, he is Mr[[Reagan]]'s true heir. Trump's Republican Party is what it has been at least since the 1980s, only more so.''' ** Larry Beinhart ''[https://www.aljazeera.com/indepth/opinion/donald-ronald-190811202546763.html Donald and Ronald]'', 12 August 2019, ''{{w|Al Jazeera English}}''. * "The words from his mouths begin in foolishness, and his talk ends in wicked madness, yet Trump talks on and on." ** [[w:Shlomo ben David|Shlomo Ben-David]] on [[w:Ro'im Olam|''Ro'im Olam'']], May 12, 2018. * He does not seem to be able to differentiate between fact and fiction. ** Ben Berzin jr., Midatlantic Bank, quoted by Steven Malanga in [https://www.manhattan-institute.org/html/donald-trump-art-tease-3007.html Donald Trump: The Art of the Tease] (06 April 2011), ''{{w|Manhattan Institute}}'' * The evidence shows: Donald Trump cannot retain an ally, keep a promise, uphold a principle, maintain a story, change a mind or show a heart. ** [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Preet_Bharara Preet Bharara] on [https://twitter.com/preetbharara/status/917198254923710464?lang=de Twitter] (8 October 2017) *When it comes to COVID-19, after months of doing nothing, other than predicting the virus would disappear or maybe, if you drank bleach, you may be okay, Trump has simply given up. **[[Joe Biden]] on [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/biden-unveils-1st-portion-build-back-economic-plan/story?id=71681986 9 July 2020] regarding Trump's April 2020 citation of [[William Bryan]]'s research regarding disinfectants: Trump never specified using bleach or ingesting it * In an age of pussified [[political correctness]], you have to respect the people who remain unfiltered. ** {{w|Dan Bilzerian}}, as quoted in [http://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/news/263480-instagram-star-praises-unfiltered-trump "'King of Instagram' praises 'unfiltered' Trump"] by Jesse Byrnes, ''The Hill'' (16 December 2015) *Donald found out about [Cohn's [[HIV/AIDS|HIV]] diagnosis] and just dropped him like a hot potato. It was like night and day. ** Susan Bell, longtime secretary of Trump's lawyer {{W|Roy Cohn}}, as quoted in [http://theweek.com/speedreads/617343/donald-trump-turned-back-closest-friend-when-heard-aids Donald Trump turned his back on his closest friend when he heard he had AIDS], at ''{{W|The Week}}'', published April 8, 2016 * Donald Trump was a [[joke]] until nominated, unelectable until elected, incompetent until he succeeded on most fronts, and about to be impeached until he debunked the collusion nonsense; he has had a very [[success]]ful year. His enemies have been weighed in the balance and they have been found wanting. They shall have their reward. ** [[Conrad Black]], "[http://www.nationalreview.com/article/454754/donald-trump-2017-successful Trump's Whirlwind Year]", ''National Review'' (December 19, 2017) * ...it is merely Marxist drivel to think that employers have more power than employees (tell that to Michael Jordan and Jerry Reinsdorf) or landlords than tenants (tell that to the landlord of Bill Gates or Donald Trump). ** [[w:Walter Block|Walter E. Block]], ''The Case for Discrimination'' (2010, Ludwig von Mises Institute) p. 404 *Americans think it would be better to have a businessman than a politician as president, and I sympathize with them. Alas, the only businessmen crazy enough to run for president seem to be, well, crazy. At least [[Ross Perot]] kept his craziness confined mostly to private matters, such as the looming disruption of his daughter's wedding. Donald Trump puts it front and center. From a [[Libertarianism|libertarian]] point of view, and I think serious conservatives and liberals would share this view, Trump's greatest offenses against American tradition and our founding principles are his [[w:Nativism|nativism]] and his promise of one-man rule. Not since [[George Wallace]] has there been a presidential candidate who made racial and religious scapegoating so central to his campaign. Trump launched his campaign talking about Mexican rapists and has gone on to rant about mass deportation, bans on Muslim immigration, shutting down mosques, and building a wall around America. America is an exceptional nation in large part because we've aspired to rise above such prejudices and guarantee life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness to everyone. ** {{w|David Boaz}}, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination "Conservatives Against Trump"] (21 January 2016), ''{{w|National Review}}'' * Where Washington and New York-based GOP leaders pledge outreach to immigrants, moderate Muslims and other [[minorities]], the reality TV star plays more overt racial politics than any national candidate since [[George Wallace]]. Trump's brand of nativist, nationalist isolationism marked the path to victory. ** Igor Bobic and Ryan Grim, [http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/donald-trump-south-carolina_us_56c87f72e4b041136f1725b8 "What Donald Trump's Win In South Carolina Says About The Republican Party"] (20 February 2016), ''The Huffington Post''. * Trump spoke with [[Xi Jinping]] by phone on June 18, ahead of [[w:2019 G20 Osaka summit|2019's Osaka G20 summit]], when they would next meet. Trump began by telling Xi he missed him and then said that the most popular thing he had ever been involved with was making a trade deal with China, which would be a big plus politically. They agreed their economic teams could continue meeting. The [[w:2018 G20 Buenos Aires summit|G20 bilateral]] arrived, and during the usual media mayhem at the start, Trump said, "we've become friends. My trip to Beijing with my family was one of the most incredible of my life." With the press gone, Xi said this is the most important bilateral relationship in the world. He said that some (unnamed) political figures in the United States were making erroneous judgments by calling for a new cold war, this time between [[China–United States relations|China and the United States]]. Whether Xi meant to finger the [[Democratic Party (United States)|Democrats]], or some of us sitting on the US side of the table, I don't know, but Trump immediately assumed Xi meant the Democrats. Trump said approvingly that there was great hostility among the Democrats. He then, stunningly, turned the conversation to the [[2020 United States presidential election|coming US presidential election]], alluding to China's economic capability to affect the ongoing campaigns, pleading with Xi to ensure he'd win. He stressed the importance of farmers, and increased Chinese purchases of soybeans and wheat in the electoral outcome. I would print Trump's exact words, but the government's prepublication review process [[w:Censorship in the United States#Trump administration|has decided otherwise]]. ** [[John Bolton]], ''{{w|The Room Where It Happened}}'', ''{{w|Simon & Schuster}}'', 2020, [https://books.google.com/books?id=QjTMDwAAQBAJ&pg=PT202 p. 202] {{cite book |isbn=978-1-9821-4805-8}} *Trump... though representing the most reactionary US government in recent memory, paradoxically has also led to an opening to challenge US power. The first reason is that he and his administration are much less disciplined about obscuring their true intentions behind insincere proclamations of benevolent motives. Whereas the [[George W. Bush]] administration in the run up to the Iraq War successfully manufactured consent amongst a large swath of the US public by scaring them over false claims about "[[Iraq and weapons of mass destruction|weapons of mass destruction]]," the Trump administration doesn't even hide the fact that its foreign policy is motivated by advancing the US economic interests. **Peter Bolton of ''[[W:CounterPunch|CounterPunch]]'', [https://www.counterpunch.org/2019/06/27/the-failed-venezuelan-coup-and-the-decline-of-us-hegemony/ ''The Failed Venezuelan Coup and the Decline of US Hegemony,''] (27 June 2019) * Trump is a [[Fascism|fascist]]. And that's not a term I use loosely or often. But he's earned it. ** [[Max Boot]], [https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/donald-trump-isnt-todays-wendell-willkie-hes-todays-benito-mussolini/2015/12/08/77c81b0c-9ddc-11e5-a3c5-c77f2cc5a43c_story.html ''Twitter''] (2015) * Republican Party is dead. ... It has been killed by Donald Trump. * Trump is an ignorant [[demagogue]] who traffics in [[racist]] and [[misogynistic]] slurs and [[crazy]] [[conspiracy theories]]. He champions protectionism and isolationism — the policies that brought us the [[Great Depression]] and [[World War II]]. He wants to undertake a police-state roundup of undocumented immigrants and to bar [[Muslims]] from coming to this country. He encourages his followers to assault protesters and threatens to sue or smear critics. He would abandon [[Japan]] and [[South Korea]] and break up the most successful alliance in [[history]] — {{w|NATO}}. But he has kind words for [[tyrant]]s such as [[Vladimir Putin]]. There has never been a major party nominee in U.S. history as unqualified for the presidency. The risk of Trump winning, however remote, represents the biggest national security threat that the United States faces today. * I only know one thing for sure: I won't vote for Trump. My hope is that he will lose by a landslide, and the Republican Party will come to its senses, rejecting both his ugly, nativist [[populism]] and the extreme, holier-than-thou conservatism represented by [[Ted Cruz]]. ** [[Max Boot]] {{Cite web|url=http://www.latimes.com/opinion/op-ed/la-oe-boot-republicans-in-exile-20160508-story.html|title=The Republican Party is dead|date=May 8, 2016|website=latimes.com|publisher={{w|Los Angeles Times}}}} * If an unapologetic {{w|ignoramus}} wins the presidency, the consequences will be no laughing matter. * Donald J. Trump, a presidential candidate who truly is the know-nothing his Republican predecessors only pretended to be ... It is genuinely terrifying that someone who advances such offensive and ridiculous proposals could win the nomination of a party once led by [[Teddy Roosevelt]], who wrote more books than Mr. Trump has probably read. It's one thing to appeal to voters by pretending to be an average guy. It's another to be an average guy who doesn't know the first thing about governing or public policy. The Trump acolytes claim it doesn't matter; he can hire experts to advise him. But experts always disagree with one another and it is the president alone who must make the most difficult decisions in the world. That's not something he can do since he lacks the most basic grounding in the issues and is prey to fundamental misconceptions. ** [[Max Boot]] {{Cite web|url=http://www.nytimes.com/2016/08/01/opinion/how-the-stupid-party-created-donald-trump.html|title=How the ‘Stupid Party' Created Trump|date=August 2, 2016|website=nytimes.com|publisher={{w|The New York Times}}}} * As media scramble to figure out Trump's evolving position on [[immigration]], remember he cares *only* about feeding his ego. Policy irrelevant. ** [[Max Boot]], [https://twitter.com/MaxBoot/status/767160352262029312 Twitter, August 20, 2016] * The GOP base is clearly disgusted and looking for new leadership. Enter Donald Trump, not just with policy prescriptions that challenge the cynical GOP leadership but with an attitude of disdain for that leadership—precisely in line with the sentiment of the base. Many conservatives are relishing this, but ah, the rub. Trump might be the greatest charlatan of them all. ** [[w:L. Brent Bozell III|L. Brent Bozell III]], [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination "Conservatives Against Trump"] (21 January 2016), ''National Review'' * It was spring, four years ago. Donald and Ivana Trump were seated at opposite ends of their long Sheraton table in Mrs. Marjorie Merriweather Post's former dining room. They were posed in imperial style, as if they were a king and queen. They were at the height of their ride, and it was plenty glorious. Trump was seen on the news shows offering his services to negotiate with the Russians. There was talk that he might make a run for president. Ivana had had so much publicity that she now offered interviewers a press kit of flattering clips. Anything seemed possible, the Trumps had grown to such stature in the golden city of New York. ** [[w:Marie Brenner|Marie Brenner]], [https://www.vanityfair.com/magazine/2015/07/donald-ivana-trump-divorce-prenup-marie-brenner/amp "After the Gold Rush"] (1 September, 1990), ''Vanity Fair'' *The [[Christian right|religious Right]] is the latest version of an old model of [[Politics of the United States|American politics]], variously incarnated by [[Puritanism|Puritans]], [[Abolitionism|abolitionists]], and [[William Jennings Bryan]]. It, like its predecessors, has argued that America and individual Americans need to have a godly or at least moral character to thrive. Now the religious Right adores [[w:Donald Trump|a thrice-married cad and casual liar]]. But it is not alone. Historians and psychologists of the martial virtues salute the bone-spurred draft-dodger whose Khe Sanh was not catching the clap. Cultural critics who deplored academic fads and slipshod aesthetics explicate a man who has never read a book, not even the ones he has signed. Followers of [[Harry V. Jaffa|Harry Jaffa]], the most important [[Abraham Lincoln|Lincoln]] scholar of the last 60 years, rally round a Republican who does not know why the [[American Civil War|Civil War]] happened. Straussians, after leaving the cave, find themselves in Mar-a-Lago. Econocons put their money on a serial bankrupt. **[[w:Richard Brookhiser|Richard Brookhiser]], [https://www.nationalreview.com/magazine/2018/02/17/william-f-buckley-trump-conservatism-needs-rebuilding/ "WFB Today"] (16 February 2018), ''National Review'' * Donald Trump betrays. It can start with Trump University, where Trump betrayed schoolteachers and others who dreamed of building a better life for themselves. ** [[David Brooks]], [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/03/04/opinion/donald-trump-the-great-betrayer.html?rref=opinion "Donald Trump, the Great Betrayer"] (4 March 2016), ''The New York Times'' * Donald Trump just has more courage. Whatever you might think of him, and I don't think much of him, but he has more courage than his opponents... He's a marketing genius who offers no substance. And people either got pushed into [[w:Subprime loans|subprime loans]] by [[w:Trump Mortgage|Trump Mortgage]], or they got suckered into racking up huge [[w:Credit card debt|credit card debt]] to buy courses on [[w:Trump University|Trump University]], and they were left high and dry when those things went belly up. And so that's a story that I think can be told. In a country which is feeling betrayed, he is a mass and serial betrayer... Given the numbers now, it's very hard to see he could win, given the huge numbers of Americans, the vast majority of Americans who say they could not support the guy. And I still find it hard to believe that somebody as policy-thin and as knowledge-thin would very well — he might be able to wear well with the electorate that we have. ** [[David Brooks]], as quoted in [http://www.pbs.org/newshour/bb/shields-and-brooks-on-the-gop-push-to-stop-trump/ "Shields and Brooks on the GOP push to stop Trump"] (4 March 2016), ''PBS NewsHour'' * Are we really here? Is this really happening? Is this America? Are we a great country talking about trying to straddle the world and create opportunity in this country? It's just mind-boggling. And we have sort of become acculturated, because this campaign has been so ugly. We have become acculturated to sleaze and unhappiness that you just want to shower from every 15 minutes. The Trump comparison of the looks of the wives, he does have, over the course of his life, a consistent misogynistic view of women as arm candy, as pieces of meat. It's a consistent attitude toward women which is the stuff of a diseased adolescent. And so we have seen a bit of that show up again. But if you go back over his past, calling into radio shows bragging about his affairs, talking about his sex life in public, he is childish in his immaturity. And his — even his [[misogyny]] is a childish misogyny. And that's why I do not think Republicans, standard Republicans, can say, yes, I'm going to vote for this guy because he's our nominee. He's of a different order than your normal candidate. And this whole week is just another reminder of that... The odd thing about his whole career and his whole language, his whole world view is there is no room for love in it. You get a sense of a man who received no love, can give no love, so his relationship with women, it has no love in it. It's trophy. And his relationship toward the world is one of competition and beating, and as if he's going to win by competition what other people get by love. And so you really are seeing someone who just has an odd psychology unleavened by kindness and charity, but where it's all winners and losers, beating and being beat. And that's part of the authoritarian personality, but it comes out in his attitude towards women. ** [[David Brooks]], as quoted in [http://www.pbs.org/newshour/bb/shields-and-brooks-on-trump-cruz-wife-feud-isis-terror-in-brussels/ "Shields and Brooks on Trump-Cruz wife feud, ISIS terror in Brussels"] (25 March 2016), ''PBS NewsHour'' * You need to be an outsider to be a change agent. There's only one person who can do that. And that is Donald Trump. ** {{w|Scott Brown}} endorsing Donald Trump, as quoted in [http://thehill.com/blogs/ballot-box/gop-primaries/267988-brown-trump-is-the-agent-of-change-to-fix-washington "Brown: Trump is the ‘agent of change' to fix Washington"] by Elliot Smilowitz, ''The Hill'' (2 February 2016) *a wartime president, with blue states, rather than any foreign nation, as the enemy. **[[Ron Brownstein]] attributed in ''The Cruelty is the Point'' by [[Adam Serwer]] (2021), p 228 * Trump is sui generis, unlike any candidate of recent times. And his success is attributable not only to his stance on issues, but to his persona, his defiance of [[political correctness]], his relish of political combat with all comers, his "damn the torpedos" charging in frontally where others refuse to tread... ** [[Pat Buchanan]] — [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-fix/wp/2016/01/12/pat-buchanan-believes-donald-trump-is-the-future-of-the-republican-party/ "Pat Buchanan says Donald Trump is the future of the Republican Party"], ''The Washington Post'' (12 January 2016) *When he looks at a glass, he is mesmerized by its reflection. If Donald Trump were shaped a little differently, he would compete for Miss America. **[[William F. Buckley]], as quoted in [https://www.nationalreview.com/magazine/2018/02/17/william-f-buckley-trump-conservatism-needs-rebuilding/ "WFB Today"] (16 February 2018), by [[w:Richard Brookhiser|Richard Brookhiser]], ''National Review'' * I do not support Trump, and believe he would be a disastrous president and {{w|commander in chief}}.<br>Trump has no coherent [[organizing]] economic philosophy, spent decades acting like and supporting traditional [[liberal]] [[Democrats]], has repeatedly shifted his positions on major issues and has little more trust from economists than he has earned among the general electorate.<br>Trump is that he is a {{w|crony capitalist}}, who now states that he supported the Clintons and other liberals with donations for so long because he wanted to obtain influence with them while they were in [[power]]. He has led several businesses to [[bankruptcy]]. He has called himself the "king of debt," a description that [[Gary Johnson|Johnson]] or [[Ron Paul|Paul]] and other leading libertarians would never use to describe themselves. ... The viewpoints offered by Trump seem to change like the leaves that change their colors when summer gives way to fall. ... Can anyone suggest we know what Trump will believe tomorrow, or the day after tomorrow? ** [[Brent Budowsky]], ''[http://thehill.com/blogs/pundits-blog/presidential-campaign/291092-why-libertarian-gary-johnson-must-be-included-in Why Libertarian Gary Johnson must be included in debates]'', ''[[w:The Hill (newspaper)|The Hill]]'' (August 11, 2016) * He is his own art installation he is his own performance of himself, I don't know what else I can spin other than wonder, you know, who that 5-year old boy was and what his dad was telling him ** [[Bo Burnham]] on [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qbPxMsOKQ5o video (4:30)] (Writers Roundtable: [[John Krasinski]], Bo Burnham, [[Tamara Jenkins]], [[Peter Farrelly]], [[Eric Roth]] | Close Up) posted February 11, 2019 * The President bears responsibility for today’s events by promoting the unfounded conspiracy theories that have led to this point. It is past time to accept the will of American voters and to allow our nation to move forward. ** Richard Burr, quoted in [https://thehill.com/homenews/senate/533034-richard-burr-says-trump-bears-responsibility-for-riot "GOP senator says Trump 'bears responsibility' for Capitol riot"] 7 January 2021 <i> The Hill </i> * And we, all of us, the Jews, helped them get there. ** [[Bradley Burston]], ''[http://www.haaretz.com/world-news/u-s-election-2016/1.752064 Trump's Win, the Greatest Victory for anti-Semitism in America Since 1941]'', ''{{w|Haaretz}}'' (10-11-2016) * It’s difficult to say that the [[prosperity gospel]] itself led to Donald Trump’s inauguration. Again, only 17 percent of American Christians identify with it explicitly. It’s far more true, however, to say that the same cultural forces that led to the prosperity gospel’s proliferation in America — individualism, an affinity for ostentatious and charismatic leaders, the [[Protestant work ethic]], and a cultural obsession with the power of “positive thinking” — shape how we, as a nation, approach politics. ** Tara Isabella Burton, [https://www.vox.com/identities/2017/9/1/15951874/prosperity-gospel-explained-why-joel-osteen-believes-prayer-can-make-you-rich-trump “The prosperity gospel, explained: Why Joel Osteen believes that prayer can make you rich”], ''Vox'', (Sep 1, 2017) *two years into the Trump administration it was obvious to people why we needed unapologetic progressives in the House. The vile, white supremacist, sexist, bigoted Trump administration spewed lies, targeted Black and brown women elected officials, made a mockery of our democracy, and emboldened fascists. **[[Cori Bush]] The Forerunner: A Story of Pain and Perseverance in America (2022) p 227 * '''He's an ass.''' ** [[George H. W. Bush]] in 2011 interviewed by [[Maureen Dowd]] of ''[[w:The New York Times|The New York Times]]'' ({{cite news |first=Maureen |last=Dowd |authorlink=Maureen Dowd |date=December 2, 2018 |accessdate=December 10, 2018 |title=The Patrician President and the Reporterette: A Screwball Story |url=https://www.nytimes.com/2018/12/02/opinion/george-hw-bush-maureen-dowd.html |newspaper=[[w:The New York Times|The New York Times]]}}; {{cite news |url=https://www.cnn.com/2018/12/05/politics/presidents-club-trump-bush-funeral/index.html |agency=[[w:CNN|CNN]] |title=Uneasy presidents club convenes at Bush funeral |first1=Kevin |last1=Liptak |first2=Jeff |last2=Zeleny |authorlink2=w:Jeff Zeleny |date=December 5, 2018 |accessdate=December 10, 2018}}; {{cite news |title=George W. Bush Eulogizes 'Best Father' at Solemn State Funeral |magazine=[[w:Fortune (magazine)|Fortune]] |date=December 5, 2018 |accessdate=December 10, 2018 |agency=[[w:Bloomberg News|Bloomberg News]] |url=http://fortune.com/2018/12/05/george-hw-bush-eulogy-funeral/}}; {{cite news |title=George W. Bush Eulogizes ‘Best Father' at Solemn State Funeral |first=Jennifer |last=Epstein |date=December 5, 2018 |accessdate=December 10, 2018 |agency=[[w:Bloomberg News|Bloomberg News]] |url=https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2018-12-05/trump-bush-family-set-aside-mutual-disdain-for-state-funeral}}; {{cite book |title=The Year of Voting Dangerously: The Derangement of American Politics |first=Maureen |last=Dowd |authorlink=Maureen Dowd |publisher=[[w:Grand Central Publishing|Grand Central Publishing]] |year=2016 |isbn=9781455539246}}; {{cite news |title=Trump breaks character in show of respect for George H.W. Bush |newspaper=[[w:Newsday|Newsday]] |first1=William |last1=Goldschlag |first2=Dan |last2=Janison |date=December 3, 2018 |accessdate=December 10, 2018 |url=https://www.newsday.com/long-island/politics/trump-bush-mueller-china-nafta-1.24156908}}) * '''We've seen nationalism distorted into nativism – forgotten the dynamism that [[immigration]] has always brought to America. We see a fading confidence in the value of [[Free market|free markets]] and international trade – forgetting that conflict, instability, and poverty follow in the wake of [[w:Protectionism|protectionism]].''' ** [[George W. Bush]], indirectly referencing Trump, [https://www.npr.org/2017/10/19/558788556/george-w-bush-slams-bigotry-politics-of-populism-that-led-to-trump-sanders "George W. Bush Slams 'Bigotry,' Politics Of Populism That Led To Trump, Sanders"], ''[[w:NPR|NPR]]'', (October 19, 2017) * Whatever his views are this morning, they might change this afternoon, and they were different than they were last night, and they'll be different tomorrow. ... They seem to be ever, ever-changing, depending on what crowd he's in front of. Sounds like a typical politician, by the way, where you get in front of one crowd and say one thing, and then say something else to another crowd that may want to hear a different view. All the things that Donald Trump railed against, he seems to be morphing into — it's kind of disturbing. ... He doesn't believe in things, this is all a game. ** [[Jeb Bush]], about Trump's views — ''[https://www.buzzfeed.com/andrewkaczynski/jeb-bush-says-hes-not-buying-the-trump-immigration-shift?utm_term=.xtWW3bwaw#.iaPobDJKJ Jeb Bush Says He's Not Buying The Trump Immigration Shift]'', ''{{w|BuzzFeed}}'' (August 25, 2016) *Donald Trump Is Bad for Israel via @NYTimes. Hopefully our President will reverse his decision to abandon [[Syria]]. **[[Jeb Bush]] on [https://twitter.com/jebbush/status/1078111467558313984 26 December 2018] * [[Donald Trump]] destroyed the Reagan Republican paradigm in 2016, but he didn’t exactly elucidate a new set of ideas, policies, and alliances. Trump’s devastation of the old order produced a grand struggle on the right to build a new one on Trumpian populist lines. <br>The NatCons are wrong to think there is a unified thing called “the left” that hates America. This is just the apocalyptic menace many of them had to invent in order to justify their decision to vote for Donald Trump. <br>They are wrong, too, to think there is a wokeist Anschluss taking over all the institutions of American life. For people who spend so much time railing about the evils of social media, they sure seem to spend an awful lot of their lives on [[Twitter]]. Ninety percent of their discourse is about the discourse. Anecdotalism was also rampant at the conference—generalizing from three anecdotes about people who got canceled to conclude that all of American life is a woke hellscape. They need to get out more. ** [[David Brooks]], as quoted in [https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2021/11/scary-future-american-right-national-conservatism-conference/620746/ The Terrifying Future of the American Right (18 November 2021), ''The Atlantic''] * In 1995, when he offered this company, if a monkey had thrown a dart, at the stock page, the monkey on average would've made 150 percent. But the people that believed in him, who listened to his siren song, ended up losing well over 90 cents in the dollar. They got back less than a dime. ** [https://www.reuters.com/article/usa-election-buffett-idCNW1N1A004G Warren Buffett] === C === [[File:Donald Trump supporters (25218962886).jpg|thumb|They love him in spite of everything they've heard. They love him, often, in spite of himself. They're not deluded. They know exactly who Trump is. They love him anyway. They love Donald Trump because no one else loves them. ~ [[Tucker Carlson]]]] * Hillary is stealing America, whereas Donald Trump is trying to save our society. ** [[Herman Cain]], on "{{w|Hannity}}" (29 July 2016) [http://www.foxnews.com/transcript/2016/07/29/reince-priebus-reality-will-catch-up-with-hillary-clinton-gorka-dnc-has-been/ transcript] *If this guy pretends that closing the borders to anywhere either for trade (or) for people is going to provide prosperity to the United States, he is completely crazy... He is not very well informed. ** [[w:Felipe Calderón|Felipe Calderón]], [http://www.cnbc.com/2016/02/08/mexico-wont-pay-single-cent-for-trumps-stupid-wall.html interview with CNBC] (6 February 2016). * If he came to visit [[United Kingdom|our country]], I think he would unite us all against him. ** [[David Cameron]], as quoted in [http://www.edition.cnn.com/2016/01/18/politics/donald-trump-uk-united-kingdom-ban/index.html "Donald Trump debate: Could UK really ban him?"] (18 January 2016), by Max Foster, ''CNN'', [[Georgia (U.S. state)|Georgia]]: Cable News Network * He's a talker, a boaster, a booster, a compulsive self-promoter. At times, he's a full-blown BS artist. ** [[Tucker Carlson]], as quoted in ''[https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-tucker-carlson-fox-news-liar-inauguration-election-a9222061.html Fox News host Tucker Carlson admits media is right about Trump's lying: 'He's a full-blown BS artist']'' by Conrad Duncan, 28 November 2019, ''{{w|The Independent}}'' * You can regularly say embarrassing things on [[television]], you can hire [[Omarosa Manigault Newman|Omarosa]] to work at the White House. All of that will be forgiven if you protect your people. But if you do not protect them... then you’re done. ** [[Tucker Carlson]], as quoted in ''[https://www.thedailybeast.com/tucker-carlson-blames-jared-kushner-for-trumps-protest-catastrophe Tucker Carlson Blames Jared Kushner for Trump’s Protest Catastrophe]'' by Justin Baragona, ''Daily Beast'' (June 1, 2020) * Millions of Americans sincerely love Donald Trump. '''They love him in spite of everything they've heard. They love him, often, in spite of himself. They're not deluded. They know exactly who Trump is. They love him anyway. They love Donald Trump because no one else loves them.''' The country they built, the country their ancestors fought for over hundreds of years, has left them to die in unfashionable little towns, mocked and despised by the sneering halfwits with finance degrees -- but no actual skills -- who seem to run everything all of a sudden. Whatever Donald Trump's faults, he is better than the rest of the people in charge. At least he doesn't hate them for their weakness. Donald Trump, in other words, is and has always been a living indictment of the people who run this country. That was true four years ago when he came out of nowhere to win the presidency. And it's every bit as true right now, maybe even more true than it's ever been. It will remain true regardless of whether Donald Trump wins reelection. **[[Tucker Carlson]], as quoted in {{citation|date=November 2, 2020|first=Tucker|last=Carlson|periodical=Fox News|url=https://www.foxnews.com/opinion/tucker-carlson-2020-election-trump-supporters-love-him|title=Tucker Carlson: Why Donald Trump's supporters love him so much}}; {{citation|date=November 2, 2020|first=Christina|last=Zhao|periodical=Newsweek|url=https://www.newsweek.com/tucker-carlson-says-millions-americans-love-donald-trump-because-no-one-else-loves-them-1544219|title=Tucker Carlson Says Millions of Americans Love Donald Trump 'Because No One Else Loves Them'}} * I've come to know Donald Trump, he is actually a very intelligent man who cares deeply about America. ** [[Ben Carson]] endorsing Donald Trump, as quoted in [http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/politics/6994118/He-is-actually-a-very-intelligent-man-Former-candidate-Ben-Carson-endorses-Donald-Trump.html "'He is actually a very intelligent man'; Former candidate Ben Carson endorses Donald Trump"] by Alain Tolhurst, ''The Sun'' (11 March 2016) * The American people are smart enough to pick a new administration if they don’t like the old one. And they just did. * He was removed by the voters. ** Bruce Castor, lawyer for Trump, said after Trump lost the 2020 election, as quoted by {{citation | date = 2021-02-09 | title = WATCH: Lawyer for Trump concedes he lost election during impeachment trial | newspaper = PBS News Hour | url = https://www.pbs.org/newshour/politics/watch-lawyer-for-trump-concedes-he-lost-election-during-impeachment-trial }} *Trump hit the established world of American politics like a rogue wave, obliterating almost all political precedent. He'd begun his campaign by suggesting that most undocumented Mexican immigrants were rapists and murderers, then later accused an American-born federal judge who was presiding over fraud claims against Trump University of being unable to do his job because of his Mexican heritage. **[[Julian Castro]] ''An Unlikely Journey: Waking Up from My American Dream'' (2018) *what I think is important for folks to realize out there — and now I’m speaking, you know, directly to the Latinx community — is that it’s night and day with Joe Biden versus Donald Trump. Donald Trump has been the cruelest, most ill-intentioned president when it comes to not only immigrants, migrants, but the broader Latino community, scapegoated the community, otherized the community, uses it as a political piñata. And Joe Biden is somebody who brings compassion, who brings understanding, and, most importantly — because what you want to judge politicians on is, OK, what are you going to do, and what is your track record — has a track record of expanding opportunity, with Barack Obama. The Affordable Care Act expanded healthcare to 4 million — more than 4 million Latinx folks in this country. On educational opportunity, on violence against women, on housing opportunity. I remember going to [[Delaware]] with him — I think it was Veterans Day of 2016 — and marking the effective end of veteran homelessness there in Wilmington, and seeing how much that meant to him. So, this is somebody that is going to work to make life better for everybody in this country, in a way that Donald Trump — as Michelle Obama pointed out, Donald Trump just isn’t up to it and doesn’t want to do it. **[[Julian Castro]] [https://www.democracynow.org/2020/8/18/julian_castro_dnc_latinx_representation Interview] with Democracy Now (August 2020) * Okay, look, this is weird. Because a lot of people on both sides are saying there's nothing funny about Trump being hospitalized with coronavirus. And those people are obviously wrong. There's a lot funny about this. Maybe not from a moral standpoint. But mathematically, if you were constructing a joke, this has all the ingredients you need. The problem is, it’s almost too funny. Like, it’s so on the nose. It would be like if I were making fun of people who wear belts and my pants just immediately fell down. ** [[Michael Che]] on ''[[Saturday Night Live]]'', October 3, 2020, quoted in [https://www.washingtonpost.com/arts-entertainment/2020/10/04/snl-premiere-trump-covid-jim-carrey-joe-biden/ "SNL premiere does not hold back on jokes about Trump’s coronavirus diagnosis: ‘It’s almost too funny’"], ''The Washington Post''. * [[Trump]] probably met discharge requirements Sunday ** [[w:Sean Conley|Dr Sean Conley]] (Physician to the President) via [https://www.cnbc.com/video/2020/10/05/dr-conley-trump-probably-met-discharge-requirements-sunday.html cnbc video]on October 5, 2020 *The myriad vulgarities of Donald Trump—examples of which are retailed daily on Web sites and front pages these days—are not news to those of us who have been living downwind of him for any period of time. I first encountered Trump more than 30 years ago. Back then he was a flashy go-getter from an outer borough eager to make his name in [[Manhattan (borough)|Manhattan]] real estate. Which he succeeded in doing in the only way he knew how: by putting his name in oversize type on anything he was associated with—buildings, yes, but also [[vodka]], golf courses, starchy ties, and even a sham of a [[Real estate|real-estate]] school... Just to drive him a little bit crazy, I took to referring to him as a "short-fingered vulgarian" in the pages of ''Spy'' magazine. That was more than a quarter of a century ago. To this day, I receive the occasional envelope from Trump. There is always a photo of him—generally a tear sheet from a magazine. On all of them he has circled his hand in gold Sharpie in a valiant effort to highlight the length of his fingers. ** {{w|Graydon Carter}}, [http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/2015/10/graydon-carter-donald-trump "Why Donald Trump Will Always Be a "Short-Fingered Vulgarian"], ''Vanity Fair'' (November 2015) * I think I would choose Trump, which may surprise some of you, but the reason is Trump has proven already that he's completely malleable. I don't think he has any fixed opinions that he would really go to the White House and fight for. [[Ted Cruz]] is not malleable. He has {{w|far right-wing}} policies, in my opinion, that would be pursued aggressively if and when he would become president. ** [[Jimmy Carter]] to the {{w|House of Lords}}, when asked about the {{w|2016 United States presidential election}}. As quoted in ''[https://www.cbsnews.com/news/jimmy-carter-i-would-choose-donald-trump-over-ted-cruz/ Jimmy Carter: I would choose Donald Trump over Ted Cruz]'' (February 3, 2016) by Stephanie Condon, ''{{w|CBS News}}'' * I think the media have been harder on Trump than any other president certainly that I’ve known about, I think they feel free to claim that Trump is mentally deranged and everything else without hesitation. ** [[Jimmy Carter]], as quoted in [https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/onpolitics/2017/10/22/jimmy-carter-media-has-been-harder-trump-than-predecessors/788558001/ "Jimmy Carter: The media has been harder on Trump than predecessors"] by David Jackson, ''[[w:USA Today|USA Today]]'', (October 22, 2017) *At times he is extremely abrasive. I know that's kind of his campaign, but I think time will tell, he's already locked up in some controversial business and it certainly doesn't speak proudly for America that the person who sits in the Oval Office is involved in controversy, so that's never a good thing, but time will tell, a man's legacy is defined by time. ** [[John Cena]], as quoted in [https://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-4642784/If-John-Cena-got-ring-Donald-Trump.html "If John Cena 'got in the ring' with Donald Trump"] by Alex Michael, ''[[w:Daily Mail|Daily Mail]]'' (27 June 2017) *I can no longer in good conscience endorse this person for president. {{W|Donald Trump and Billy Bush recording|It}} is some of the most abhorrent and offensive comments that you can possibly imagine. My wife and I, we have a 15-year-old daughter, and if I can't look her in the eye and tell her these things, I can't endorse this person. ** {{w|Jason Chaffetz}}, [http://www.slate.com/blogs/the_slatest/2016/10/08/jason_chaffetz_pulls_trump_endorsement_because_he_has_a_15_year_old_daughter.html Jason Chaffetz Pulls Trump Endorsement Because He Has a 15-Year-Old Daughter] (October 2016) *We're all tying ourselves in knots about what Donald Trump said about Mexicans... Just as [[Dylann Roof]] doesn't represent [[white people]], Mexican rapists don't represent anyone other than themselves either... While I like a good brawl as much as the next person, it seems that Trump is the answer only if the question is: Why can't we get more oafish egomaniacs into politics? Just when the Republican Party needs finesse and sensitivity when discussing immigration; just when it needs to focus on issues that unite all sectors of the electorate, including Hispanic and Asian voters; it gets a blowhard with all the nuance of a grenade... Trump's smear about [[Mexican Americans|Mexican immigrants]] was about as far away as you can get from Ronald Reagan... He tarred most Mexican immigrants as drug dealers, criminals, and rapists, allowing only as an afterthought that some may be good people. He claimed to have discussed the matter with border guards. Would those officers please step forward? In any case, crude and vulgar people always preen that they are brave truth tellers. ** {{w|Mona Charen}}, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/420974/donald-trump-immigration-controversy-helps-democrats "The Trump Sideshow Plays Right into Democrats' Hands"] (10 July 2015), ''{{w|National Review}}'' *Put aside for a moment Trump's countless past departures from conservative principle on defense, racial quotas, abortion, taxes, single-payer health care, and immigration. That's right. In 2012, he derided Mitt Romney for being too aggressive on the question, and he's made extensive use of illegal-immigrant labor in his serially bankrupt businesses. The man has demonstrated an emotional immaturity bordering on personality disorder, and it ought to disqualify him from being a mayor, to say nothing of a commander-in-chief. Trump has made a career out of egotism, while conservatism implies a certain modesty about government. The two cannot mix... When a con man swindles you, you can sue—as many embittered former Trump associates who thought themselves ill used have done. When you elect a con man, there's no recourse. ** {{w|Mona Charen}}, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination "Conservatives Against Trump"] (21 January 2016), ''{{w|National Review}}''. *It seems, at times, as though your administration’s approach has more in common with Obama’s foreign policy than traditional Republican foreign policy. ** [[Dick Cheney]], speaking to Mike Pence, [https://www.politico.com/story/2019/03/11/cheney-mike-pence-foreign-policy-1216663 "Cheney grills Pence on Trump's foreign policy"], ''[[w:Politico|Politico]]'', (March 11, 2019) * In our nation’s 248-year history, there has never been an individual who is a greater threat to our republic than Donald Trump. He tried to steal the last election using lies and violence to keep himself in power after the voters had rejected him. He can never be trusted with power again.<br>As citizens, we each have a duty to put country above partisanship to defend our Constitution. That is why I will be casting my vote for Vice President Kamala Harris. ** [[Dick Cheney]], quoted in [https://www.huffpost.com/entry/dick-cheney-voting-kamala-harris_n_66db4cf4e4b07b62af62c35a "Dick Cheney Is Voting For Kamala Harris"], ''Huffington Post'' (September 6, 2024) * I don't believe that he should be playing a role in the future of the party or the country. ** [[Liz Cheney]], House GOP Conference Chair, R-Wyo., the third-ranking House Republican, as quoted in [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/awkward-moment-house-republican-leaders-clash-trump-speaking/story?id=76090236 "Awkward moment as House Republican leaders clash over Trump speaking at CPAC"], Benjamin Siegel, ABC News (24 February 2021) *President Trump has built the most powerful and most professional team in political history and, under his leadership, has overcome every single obstacle in his way. From the illegal witch-hunts to the weaponization of the justice system to an assassination attempt to the political coup of replacing Biden, the enemies of America will stop at nothing to prevent President Trump from returning to the White House. **Steven Cheung, Trump campaign spokesman, as quoted in [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-and-his-campaign-enter-turbulent-phase-in-final-weeks/ar-AA1qXkYW Trump and his campaign enter turbulent phase in final weeks], ''The Washington Post'' (September 21, 2024) * It's pretty easy to tell if a picture of Donald Trump is AI-Generated, okay? Here's the trick: If Donald Trump is in a picture and looks completely insane, then it's a real picture. ** [[Ronny Chieng]], ''[[The Daily Show]]'' (5 March 2024) *'''[President Trump] is perfectly right when he says we should have better relations with [[Russia]]'''. Being dragged through the mud for that is outlandish... ** [[Noam Chomsky]], [https://www.democracynow.org/2018/7/27/noam_chomsky_on_mass_media_obsession ''Noam Chomsky on Mass Media Obsession with Russia & the Stories Not Being Covered in the Trump Era''], ''[[w:Democracy Now!|Democracy Now!]]'' (27 July 2018) * The scale of [[Coronavirus pandemic|the plague]] is surprising, indeed shocking, but not its appearance...Trump has reacted during his years in office in the manner to which we have become accustomed: by defunding and dismantling every relevant part of government and assiduously implementing the instructions of his [[Corporatocracy|corporate masters]] to eliminate the [[regulation]]s that impede profits while saving lives — and leading the race to the abyss of {{w|environmental catastrophe}}, by far his greatest crime — in fact, the greatest crime in history when we consider the consequences. ** [[Noam Chomsky]], in an interview with C.J. Polychroniou, ''[https://truthout.org/articles/chomsky-ventilator-shortage-exposes-the-cruelty-of-neoliberal-capitalism/ Chomsky: Ventilator Shortage Exposes the Cruelty of Neoliberal Capitalism]'' (April 1, 2020), ''{{w|Truthout}}'' * Trump was not silent, however. He issued a stream of confident [[COVID-19 pandemic in the United States#President Trump|pronouncements]] informing the public that it was just a cough; he has everything under control; he gets a 10 out of 10 for his handling of the crisis; it’s very serious but he knew it was a pandemic before anyone else; and the rest of the sorry performance. The technique is well-designed, much like the practice of reeling out lies so fast that the very concept of truth vanishes. Whatever happens, Trump is sure to be vindicated among his loyal followers. ** [[Noam Chomsky]], in an interview with C.J. Polychroniou, ''[https://truthout.org/articles/chomsky-ventilator-shortage-exposes-the-cruelty-of-neoliberal-capitalism/ Chomsky: Ventilator Shortage Exposes the Cruelty of Neoliberal Capitalism]'' (April 1, 2020), ''{{w|Truthout}}'' * Donald is a leader. He is a successful person that, like me, isn't afraid to tell it like it is. Our system is broken and it won't be fixed from the inside. I am proud to offer my endorsement of his candidacy for President. ** [[Chris Christie]], endorsing Donald Trump for President, at a campaign rally in Fort Worth, TX [http://www.theguardian.com/us-news/live/2016/feb/26/us-election-2016-campaign-live-trump-rubio-cruz-super-tuesday-clinton-sanders] (2016) *Please stop it with voting for Trump. It was funny for a little while. But the guy is [[Adolf Hitler|Hitler]]. And by that I mean that we are being Germany in the 30s. Do you think they saw the shit coming? Hitler was just some hilarious and refreshing dude with a weird comb over. *Trump is not your best. He's the worst of all of us. He's a symptom to a problem that is very real. But don't vote for your own cancer. You're better than that. ** [[Louis C.K.]] in an email to fans, quoted in [http://variety.com/2016/tv/news/louis-c-k-donald-trump-insane-bigot-dangerous-1201723679/ Louis C.K. Compares Donald Trump to Hitler: ‘He's an Insane Bigot'] (2016) *Using Aiden as a political tool is, to say the least, reprehensible for any political purpose. They make it seem as though our wonderful Aiden appreciates your hate that we should follow their hate. Morally bankrupt politicians – Bernie Moreno, Chip Roy, J.D. Vance and Donald Trump – they have spoken my son’s name and used his death for political gain.<br>They can vomit all the hate they want about illegal immigrants, the Border crisis and even untrue claims about fluffy pets being ravaged and eaten by community members. However they are not allowed nor have they ever been allowed to mention Aiden Clark from Springfield Ohio. <br>Please stop the hate. **Nathan Clark, father of Aiden Clark, boy killed in a car accident involving a Haitian driver in Springfield, Ohio, speaking on the night of the first debate between Kamala Harris and Donald Trump, quoted in [https://haitiantimes.com/2024/09/11/haitian-immigrants-in-ohio-under-racist-attacks/ Haitian families in Ohio under attack as racist claims spread], ''The Haitian Times'' (September 10, 2024) * A Trump supporter, a middle-aged woman, was asked how she felt about Trump's comments that being a celebrity meant women could expect him to grope their private parts. The woman said he would never have said it if Trump had known he was being recorded. That made me laugh. ** [[John Cleese]], as quoted in [https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/john-cleese-how-donald-trump-is-stealing-comedians-best-lines-1030458 "John Cleese on How Donald Trump Is Stealing Comedians' Best Lines"] by Nick Holdsworth, ''[[w:The Hollywood Reporter|The Hollywood Reporter]]'', (August 17, 2017) * Donald Trump has been uncommonly nice to [[Hillary Clinton|Hillary]] and me. We're all [[New York]]ers. And I like him. And I love playing golf with him. ** [[Bill Clinton]], as quoted in [http://www.salon.com/2012/06/04/bill_clinton_said_what/singleton/ "Bill Clinton Said What?"], ''Salon'' (4 June 2012) * He mostly talks about himself. So the next time you hear him, don't count the lies. Count the I's. ** [[Bill Clinton]], as quoted in [https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2024/08/22/dnc-day-3-takeaways-walz-bill-clinton-pelosi-speech/ "5 takeaways from the Democratic convention and Tim Walz on Day 3"], ''The Washington Post'' (August 22, 2024) * '''He's a master brander, and he's the most interesting character out there. And...he says something that overrides the ideological differences. There is a macho appeal to saying, 'I'm just sick of nothing happening. I'll make things – vote for me.'''' ** [[Bill Clinton]] on CBS '[[w:The Late Show with Stephen Colbert|Late Show]]' — {{citation | date = 2015-10-06 | title = Bill Clinton to Stephen Colbert: Donald Trump Has a "Macho Appeal" | author = Ryan Gajewski | newspaper = The Hollywood Reporter | url = http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/live-feed/bill-clinton-donald-trump-has-830195 }} *Despite what you hear, we don't need to make America great again. America has never stopped being great. But we do need to make America whole again. Instead of building walls, we need to be tearing down barriers. **[[Hillary Clinton]], [http://www.politico.com/blogs/2016-dem-primary-live-updates-and-results/2016/02/hillary-clinton-donald-trump-slogan-219908 speech] (February 2016) * We cannot let him roll the dice with America. **[[Hillary Clinton]] during an election speech, as quoted on [https://www.boston.com/news/politics/2016/06/02/hillary-clinton-trump-cannot-let-roll-dice-america boston.com], 2 June 2016 * It is insufficient to state the obvious of Donald Trump: that he is a white man who would not be president were it not for this fact. With one immediate exception, Trump's predecessors made their way to high office through the passive power of whiteness—that bloody heirloom which cannot ensure mastery of all events but can conjure a tailwind for most of them. Land theft and human plunder cleared the grounds for Trump's forefathers and barred others from it. Once upon the field, these men became soldiers, statesmen, and scholars; held court in Paris; presided at Princeton; advanced into the Wilderness and then into the White House. Their individual triumphs made this exclusive party seem above America's founding sins, and it was forgotten that the former was in fact bound to the latter, that all their victories had transpired on cleared grounds. No such elegant detachment can be attributed to Donald Trump—a president who, more than any other, has made the awful inheritance explicit. * Any empirical evaluation of the relationship between Trump and the white working class would reveal that one adjective in that phrase is doing more work than the other. In 2016, Trump enjoyed majority or plurality support among every economic branch of whites. It is true that his strongest support among whites came from those making $50,000 to $99,999. This would be something more than working-class in many nonwhite neighborhoods, but even if one accepts that branch as the working class, the difference between how various groups in this income bracket voted is revealing. Sixty-one percent of whites in this "working class" supported Trump. Only 24 percent of Hispanics and 11 percent of blacks did. Indeed, the plurality of all voters making less than $100,000 and the majority making less than $50,000 voted for the Democratic candidate. So when [[George Packer|[George] Packer]] laments [in the ''New Yorker''] the fact that "Democrats can no longer really claim to be the party of working people—not white ones, anyway," he commits a kind of category error. The real problem is that Democrats aren't the party of white people—working or otherwise. White workers are not divided by the fact of labor from other white demographics; they are divided from all other laborers by the fact of their whiteness. * Obama himself, underestimating Trump and thus underestimating the power of [[Whiteness studies|whiteness]], believed the Republican nominee too objectionable to actually win. In this Obama was, tragically, wrong. And so the most powerful country in the world has handed over all its affairs—the prosperity of its entire economy; the security of its 300 million citizens; the purity of its water, the viability of its air, the safety of its food; the future of its vast system of education; the soundness of its national highways, airways, and railways; the apocalyptic potential of its nuclear arsenal—to a carnival barker who introduced the phrase "grab 'em by the pussy" into the national lexicon. It is as if the white tribe united in demonstration to say, "If a black man can be president, then any white man—no matter how fallen—can be president." **[[Ta-Nehisi Coates]], [https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2017/10/the-first-white-president-ta-nehisi-coates/537909/ "The First White President,"] The Atlantic, October 2017 issue. * I would never trust him to follow the law. We're dealing with a dangerous egomaniac who has no control of himself, recognizes no limits, no bounds and does not recognize the constraints of law or anything else. ** {{W|Eliot A. Cohen}}, in [http://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2016-election/analysis-vengeful-world-donald-trump-why-it-matters-n671721 Analysis: The Vengeful World of Donald Trump, and Why It Matters], at NBC News; published October 31, 2016 * [[Donald Trump]] never thought he was going to win this election, he actually did not want to win this election, this was supposed to be the greatest infomercial in the history of politics. If you take that line, and you add the to it the Trump a la Moscow project, you'll understand that this was a branding deal, that's all the presidential campaign started out as.. there only one problem, one problem, he won. ** [[Michael Cohen]] on the [[Rachel Maddow] Show on [https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow/watch/cohen-trump-2016-campaign-was-just-a-branding-opportunity-91291717556 September 8, 2020] * Apart from his wife and children, I knew Trump better than anyone else did. In some ways, I knew him better than even his family did because I bore witness to the real man, in strip clubs, shady business meetings, and in the unguarded moments when he revealed who he really was: a cheat, a liar, a fraud, a bully, a racist, a predator, a con man... He has no one he trusts to keep his secrets. For ten years, he certainly had me, and I was always there for him, and look what happened to me. I urge you to really consider that fact: Trump has no true friends. He has lived his entire life avoiding and evading taking responsibility for his actions. He crushed or cheated all who stood in his way, but I know where the skeletons are buried because I was the one who buried them ** [[Michael Cohen (lawyer)|Michael Cohen]], as quoted by {{citation | date = 2020-08-13 | title = Michael Cohen offers preview of tell-all Trump book: 'I know where the skeletons are buried' | author = Joseph A Wulfsohn | newspaper = Fox News | url = https://www.foxnews.com/politics/michael-cohen-trump-disloyal-skeletons }} *A warning label should be affixed to Trump's forehead. **Richard Cohen, [https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/reince-priebus-fool/2016/05/16/decae58a-1b88-11e6-9c81-4be1c14fb8c8_story.html "Reince Priebus, fool"] (16 May 2016), ''The Washington Post'', Washington, D.C. * I can't believe he's doing this to me. Donald pisses ice water. ** {{W|Roy Cohn}}, upon being ostracized by Trump for having contracted HIV. (from {{W|Wayne Barrett}}'s 1992 ''Trump: The Deals and the Downfall'', as quoted in [https://www.forbes.com/sites/ralphbenko/2016/03/27/donald-trump-is-the-red-sanders-candidate-winning-isnt-everything-its-the-only-thing/#7c70fd80358c Donald Trump Is The 'Red' Sanders Candidate: 'Winning Isn't Everything; It's The Only Thing.'] at Forbes.com) *A war crimes complaint has been filed against President Donald Trump, [[Benjamin Netanyahu|Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu]] and Trump adviser [[Jared Kushner]] in the [[International Criminal Court]] (ICC).... The complaint, filed by [[w:Middlesex University|Middlesex University]] law professor [[w:William Schabas|William Schabas]] on June 30 on behalf of four [[Palestinians]] who live in the [[w:West Bank|West Bank]], states “there is credible evidence” that Trump, Netanyahu and Kushner “are complicit in acts that may amount to [[war crimes]] relating to the transfer of populations into occupied territory and the annexation of the sovereign territory of the State of Palestine.” Under article 15 of the ICC’s [[w:Rome Statute|Rome Statute]], any individual, group or organization can bring a complaint to the Office of the Prosecutor. ... Schabas’ complaint comes on the heels of unusual moves last month from the Trump administration, which declared a “national emergency” in June in an effort to shield U.S. and Israeli officials from ICC accountability for war crimes and [[crimes against humanity]]. **[[Marjorie Cohn]] in [https://truthout.org/articles/trump-is-trying-to-hide-us-and-israeli-war-crimes-by-attacking-the-icc/ ''Trump Is Trying to Hide US & Israeli War Crimes by Attacking the International Criminal Court, TruthOut,''] (8 July 2020) * There's a populism to Trump that I found very appealing. The party elders would like him to go away, but the people have decided that he is not going to... [T]here is something really hopeful about the fact that, well, 36 percent of the likely voters want him to win, so the people in the machine don't get to say otherwise. ** [[Stephen Colbert]], as quoted in [http://thehill.com/blogs/ballot-box/presidential-races/stephen-colbert-donald-trump-very-appealing "Colbert: Trump's populism 'very appealing'"] by Bradford Richardson, ''The Hill'' (23 December 2015) * [[w:John_Dickerson_(journalist)|John Dickerson]] has way too much dignity to trade insults with the President of the United States to his face. But I, sir, am no John Dickerson. Let me introduce you to something we call the [[w:Tiffany_Network|Tiffany Way]]. When you insult one member of the CBS family, you insult us all. Bazinga. All right. Here we go. All right. Mr. Trump, your presidency, I love your presidency, I call it "Disgrace the Nation". You're not the POTUS, you're the BLOATUS. You're the glutton with the button. You're a regular Gorge Washington. You're the presi-dunce, but you're turning into a real prick-tator. Sir, you attract more skinheads than free [[w:Minoxidil|Rogaine]]. You have more people marching against you than cancer. You talk like a sign-language gorilla who got hit in the head. In fact the only thing your mouth is good for is being Vladimir Putin's cock holster. Your {{w|presidential library}} is going to be a kids' menu and a couple of {{w|Juggs}} magazines. The only thing smaller than your hands is your "tax returns" [holds up little finger] and you can take that any way you want. ** [[Stephen Colbert]], during his [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HaHwlSTqA7s opening monologue] of ''{{w|The Late Show with Stephen Colbert}}'', after showing a clip of Trump calling the CBS reporter part of the "fake media" and referring to [[w:Face the Nation|his show]] as "Deface the Nation". The Trump-designated chairman of the FCC, {{w|Ajit Pai}}, has since stated he would investigate the comedian for broadcasting this material (1 May 2017) * '''There once was a man in Nantucket<br>Whose poll numbers really did suck it;<br>At least he is not<br>That orange pol pot<br>Who ate all his meals from a bucket.''' ** [[Stephen Colbert]]; limerick from his [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S8qFuh-qNaE opening monologue] of ''{{w|The Late Show with Stephen Colbert}}'' of 25 November 2021, after reading about [[President Biden]]'s revival of his family's tradition of visiting Nantucket at Thanksgiving. * Do you know how bad of a job you have to be doing to get fired while you're getting fired? ** Steve Colbert, quoted by {{citation | date = 2021-01-14 | title = Late night hosts mock Trump's second impeachment: 'I wonder if he's tired of all the winning yet?' | author = Frank Pallotta | newspaper = CNN Business | url = https://edition.cnn.com/2021/01/14/media/late-night-trump-impeachment/index.html }} * The president has been impeached. That's a pretty big lesson. I'm voting to acquit. ** [[Susan Collins]], ''CBS Evening News'', quoted in {{citation | date = 2020-02-04 | title = Susan Collins explains her vote to acquit Trump | author = Grace Segers | newspaper = CBS Evening News | url = https://www.cbsnews.com/news/susan-collins-explains-her-vote-to-acquit-trump/ }} * Trump denied knowing that [[w:Serge Kovaleski|Serge]] (Kovaleski) was disabled, and demanded an apology, saying that anyone could see his imitation was of a flustered, frightened reporter, not a disabled person. It's true that Trump was not mimicking any mannerisms that Serge has. He doesn't jerk around or flail his arms. He's not retarded. He sits calmly, but if you look at his wrists, you'll see they are curved in. That's not the imitation Trump was doing—he was doing a standard retard, waving his arms and sounding stupid: "'Ahhh, I don't know what I said—ahhh, I don't remember!' He's going, ‘Ahhh, I don't remember, maybe that's what I said!'" * There's nothing Trump can do that won't be forgiven, except change his immigration policies. ** ''In Trump We Trust'' [http://theslot.jezebel.com/ann-coulter-donald-trump-wasnt-mocking-reporters-disab-1785766218][http://www.nbcnews.com/card/real-quote-ann-coulters-new-book-n637676] (2016) * Trump is an unreflective beneficiary of every sort of white privilege on offer, from his inherited fortune to his mass-media celebrity to his ability to lie with utter impunity about his career, his finances, and his easily documented record of public statements. If Barack Obama had committed but one of the transgressions Trump reveled in during his 2016 presidential run—deriding John McCain's war record, to take a comparatively minor instance—he would have suffered a torrent of righteous white moralizing that would have been unprecedented even in a country renowned for its righteous white moralizing. And if he'd been caught on tape bragging about a celebrity-enabled history of sexual assault—well, suffice it to say that it would have been a high-tech lynching on a scale that [[Clarence Thomas]] could scarcely begin to imagine. **[[Kimberlé Williams Crenshaw]], ''[https://thebaffler.com/salvos/race-to-bottom-crenshaw Race to the Bottom: How the post-racial revolution became a whitewash]'' * President Trump doubled down Sunday on his push for the use of [[Hydroxychloroquine|an anti-malarial drug]] against the [[coronavirus]], issuing {{w|medical advice}} that goes well beyond scant evidence of the [[w:Hydroxychloroquine#COVID-19|drug’s effectiveness]] as well as the advice of doctors and {{w|public health}} experts. Mr. Trump’s recommendation of hydroxychloroquine, for the second day in a row at a White House briefing, was a striking example of his brazen willingness [[w:Veracity of statements by Donald Trump#Coronavirus pandemic|to distort and outright defy]] expert opinion and {{w|scientific evidence}} when it does not suit his [[w:Political agenda|agenda]]. ** [[Michael Crowley (journalist)|Michael Crowley]], Katie Thomas and [[Maggie Haberman]], ''[https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/05/us/politics/trump-hydroxychloroquine-coronavirus.html Ignoring Expert Opinion, Trump Again Promotes Use of Hydroxychloroquine]'' (April 5, 2020), ''{{w|The New York Times}}''. * Standing alongside two top public health officials who have declined to endorse his call for widely administering the drug, Mr. Trump suggested that he was speaking on gut instinct and acknowledged that he had no [[expertise]] on the subject. Saying that the drug is “being tested now,” Mr. Trump said that “there are some very strong, powerful signs” of its potential, although health experts say that the data is extremely limited and that more study of the drug’s effectiveness against the coronavirus is needed. [...] Mr. Trump, who once predicted that the virus might “miraculously” disappear by April because of warm weather, and who has [[Denial|rejected]] {{w|scientific consensus}} on issues like [[w:Environmental policy of the Donald Trump administration#Climate change|climate change]], was undaunted by [[skeptical]] questioning. “What do you have to lose?” Mr. Trump asked, for the second day in a row, saying that [[w:Terminal illness|terminally ill]] patients should be willing [[w:Terminal illness#Continued treatment|to try any treatment]] that has shown some promise. ** [[Michael Crowley (journalist)|Michael Crowley]], Katie Thomas and [[Maggie Haberman]], ''[https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/05/us/politics/trump-hydroxychloroquine-coronavirus.html Ignoring Expert Opinion, Trump Again Promotes Use of Hydroxychloroquine]'' (April 5, 2020), ''{{w|The New York Times}}''. * Even as Mr. Trump has promoted the drug, which is also often prescribed for patients with {{w|lupus}}, it has created rifts within his own coronavirus task force. And while many [[w:Medical centers in the United States|hospitals]] have chosen to use hydroxychloroquine in a desperate attempt to treat dying patients who have few other options, others have noted that it carries [[w:Hydroxychloroquine#Side effects|serious risks]]. In particular, the drug can cause a {{w|heart arrhythmia}} that can lead to {{w|cardiac arrest}}. ** [[Michael Crowley (journalist)|Michael Crowley]], Katie Thomas and [[Maggie Haberman]], ''[https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/05/us/politics/trump-hydroxychloroquine-coronavirus.html Ignoring Expert Opinion, Trump Again Promotes Use of Hydroxychloroquine]'' (April 5, 2020), ''{{w|The New York Times}}''. * Hydroxychloroquine has not been proved to work against Covid-19 in any significant clinical trials. A small trial by Chinese researchers made public last week found that it helped speed the recovery in moderately ill patients, but the study was not peer-reviewed and had significant limitations. Earlier reports from France and China have drawn criticism because they did not include control groups to compare treated patients with untreated ones, and researchers have called the reports anecdotal. Without controls, they said, it is impossible to determine whether the drugs worked. But Mr. Trump on Sunday dismissed the notion that doctors should wait for further study. ** [[Michael Crowley (journalist)|Michael Crowley]], Katie Thomas and [[Maggie Haberman]], ''[https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/05/us/politics/trump-hydroxychloroquine-coronavirus.html Ignoring Expert Opinion, Trump Again Promotes Use of Hydroxychloroquine]'' (April 5, 2020), ''{{w|The New York Times}}''. * I have been pointing out, and I have been screaming to the rooftops, that Donald Trump is the Charlie Sheen of politics. [...] I have to tell you, I love Charlie Sheen, I loved working with him when he was sober, but he was, he's full of shit. He has been full of shit, you know, he has serious addiction. You know, his addiction is obviously serious, drugs, and, but, Trump is just addicted to feeling important. You know, and I think if anybody is under the delusion that he cares about, uh, uh, anybody in America besides himself, they are, they are stoned and need to rethink their priorities, 'cause he's, you know, 'cause it's just ridiculous that's he's gotten as far as he has. ** [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jon_Cryer Jon Cryer] on the May 5, 2016, episode of the podcast Never Not Funny. *When the voters examine Donald, they'll discover he actually embodies Washington corruption, the Washington deal-making that they're so angry about. **[[Ted Cruz]], [http://www.cbsnews.com/news/sen-ted-cruz-on-donald-trump-post-super-tuesday-strongest-campaign/ interview with Charlie Rose] (1 March 2016), ''CBS This Morning'' *People are asking themselves, 'How would we feel if our children came in repeating the words of the president of the United States if that president was Donald Trump?' And if it would embarrass you to have your children repeat the words of the president, that's not a good thing... A president should unify us, should appeal to our better angels, should appeal to our shared values that make America who we are. ** [[Ted Cruz]], [http://www.cbsnews.com/news/ted-cruz-criticizes-donald-trump-a-president-should-not-embarrass-election-2016/ interview with John Dickerson] (March 2016), ''Face the Nation'' *It's not easy to tick me off... I don't get angry often. But you mess with my wife, you mess with my kids; that'll do it every time. Donald, you're a sniveling coward and leave Heidi the hell alone. ** [[Ted Cruz]], as quoted in [http://www.cbsnews.com/news/ted-cruz-bashes-sniveling-coward-donald-trump/ "Cruz calls Trump "sniveling coward" and says 'leave Heidi the hell alone'"] (24 March 2016), by Reena Flores, ''CBS News'' * Let me be clear: Donald Trump may be a rat, but I have no desire [[w:Ratfucking|to copulate]] with him. ** [[Ted Cruz]], as quoted in [http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/news/a43332/ted-cruz-donald-trump-rat-copulate/ Ted Cruz Will Do Anything for Love, But He Won't Do Rats] [25 March 2016], by Matt Miller, ''Esquire'' [[File:Mark cuban 2.jpg|thumb|The best thing to happen to politics in a long long time. ~[[Mark Cuban]]]] * The best thing to happen to politics in a long long time. I don't care what his actual positions are. I don't care if he says the wrong thing. He says what's on his mind. He gives honest answers rather than prepared answers. This is more important than anything any candidate has done in years. ** [[Mark Cuban]], as quoted in {{citation | date = 2015-07-27 | title = Mark Cuban: Congrats, Donald: You're best thing to happen to politics in a long time | author = | newspaper = Dallas Mavericks Blog | url = http://mavsblog.dallasnews.com/2015/07/mark-cuban-congrats-donald-youre-best-thing-to-happen-to-politics-in-a-long-time.html/ }} [[File:Mark Cuban by Gage Skidmore.jpg|thumb|The [[Trump]] that stole [[Christmas]] ~[[Mark Cuban]]]] * The [[Trump]] that stole [[Christmas]] ** [[Mark Cuban]] according to [https://www.foxnews.com/politics/from-shark-tank-campaign-trail-mark-cuban-teams-up-kamala-harris From the 'Shark Tank' to the campaign trail: Mark Cuban teams up with Kamala Harris] (October 17, 2024) ==== Hillary Clinton, speech in Warren, Michigan (August 11, 2016) ==== :<small> Speech in {{w|Warren, Michigan}}. Transcript by ''{{w|Newsweek}}'' [http://www.newsweek.com/hillary-clinton-full-transcript-economic-speech-489602] (August 11, 2016) </small> * He's made a career out of stiffing small businesses from [[w:Atlantic City, New Jersey|Atlantic City]] to [[Las Vegas]]. There are companies that were left hanging because he refused to pay their bills. A lot of those companies scraped together what the could [sic] to pay their employees, and many of them put their businesses at risk and some of them ended up taking bankruptcy. It wasn't because Trump couldn't pay them, it was because he wouldn't pay them. * It's just not right that Donald Trump can ignore his debts, but students and families can't refinance their debt. * Mr. Trump may talk a big game on trade, but his approach is based on fear, not strength. Fear that we can't compete with the rest of the world even when the rules are fair. Fear that our country has no choice but to hide behind walls. * Let's remember where Trump makes many of his own products. Because it sure is not America. ... One positive thing Trump could do to make America great again is actually make great things in America again. * Trump would roll back the tough rules that we have imposed on the [[Financial market|Financial Industry]]. I'll do the opposite – I think we should strengthen those rules so that [[Wall Street]] can never wreck Main Street again. * He called for a new tax loophole – let's call it the Trump Loophole – because it would allow him to pay less than half the current tax rate on income from many of his companies. He'd pay a lower rate than millions of middle class families. * He's making a big promise. But his advisors have said, his own advisors have said, he may not stand by them. ... One of the differences between Donald Trump and me is I'm telling you what I will do, I'm laying out my plans, and I will stand by them, and I want you to hold me accountable for delivering results. This all reminds me of that old saying, ‘if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.' * Guaranteeing equal pay won't just increase paychecks for women – it will boost family budgets and get incomes rising across the board. And I don't understand why Trump's against that. Paid family leave won't only make life easier for Moms and Dads – it will also keep skilled, talented Americans in the workforce and grow our economy. That's why every other advanced country already has it. Again, he's against it. Raising the federal minimum wage won't just put more money in the pockets of low-income families – it also means they will spend more at the businesses in their neighborhoods. Trump's against that as well. * Based on what we know from the Trump campaign, he wants America to work for him and his friends, at the expense of everyone else. ==== Hillary Clinton, speech in Reno, Nevada (August 25, 2016) ==== <small> Speech in {{w|Reno, Nevada}}. Transcript by ''[[w:Vox (website)|Vox]]'' [http://www.vox.com/2016/8/25/12647810/hillary-clinton-speech-alt-right] (August 25, 2016) </small> * Donald Trump has built his campaign on prejudice and paranoia. He's taking [[w:Hate groups|hate groups]] mainstream and helping a radical fringe take over one of America's two major political parties. His disregard for the values that make our country great is profoundly dangerous. In just the past week, under the guise of "outreach" to African Americans, Trump has stood up in front of largely white audiences and described black communities in insulting and ignorant terms. * Donald Trump misses so much. He doesn't see the success of black leaders in every field… The vibrancy of [[w:African-American Businesses|black-owned businesses]]…Or the strength of the black church… He doesn't see the excellence of [[historically black colleges and universities]] or the pride of black parents watching their children thrive… And he certainly doesn't have any solutions to take on the reality of systemic racism and create more equity and opportunity in communities of color. It takes a lot of nerve to ask people he's ignored and mistreated for decades, "What do you have to lose?" The answer is everything! * Trump's lack of knowledge or experience or solutions would be bad enough. But what he's doing here is more sinister. Trump is reinforcing harmful stereotypes and offering a dog whistle to his most hateful supporters. It's a disturbing preview of what kind of President he'd be. * A man with a long history of racial discrimination, who traffics in dark conspiracy theories drawn from the pages of supermarket tabloids and the far reaches of the internet, should never run our government or command our military. If he doesn't respect respect all Americans, he can't serve all Americans! ... There's no other Donald Trump. This is it. * Well, throughout his career and this campaign, Donald Trump has shown us exactly who he is. We should believe him. When Trump was getting his start in business, he was sued by the Justice Department for refusing to rent apartments to black and Latino tenants. Three years later, the Justice Department took Trump back to court because he hadn't changed. The pattern continued through the decades. * Someone detached from reality should never be in charge of making decisions that are as real as they come. * He'd abolish the bedrock constitutional principle that says if you're born in the United States, you're an American citizen. He says that children born in America to undocumented parents are, quote, "anchor babies" and should be deported. Millions of them. * He'd ban Muslims around the world – 1.5 billion men, women, and children –from entering our country just because of their religion. * Ever since the Pilgrims landed on Plymouth Rock, America has distinguished itself as a haven for people fleeing religious persecution. Under Donald Trump, America would distinguish itself as the only country in the world to impose a religious test at the border. * Trump likes to say he only hires the "best people." But he's had to fire so many campaign managers it's like an episode of the Apprentice. === D === *he’s spewing white supremacist views that have real consequences in the lives of ordinary people...I think he needs to realize that what he’s saying, from the biggest bully pulpit in the whole world, is affecting individual people. I don’t know that he cares, because I think he’s just spewing these things, and I think, in part, this was also—you know, this is what he believes. **[[Edwidge Danticat]] [https://www.democracynow.org/2018/1/12/completely_racist_edwidge_danticat_on_trumps Interview] with Democracy Now (2018) *The [Trump] family subscribes to a racehorse theory of human development... They believe that there are superior people and that if you put together the genes of a superior woman and a superior man, you get a superior offspring. **Michael D'Antonio, ''[https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-migrants-bad-genes-1965004 The Choice]'' (PBS documentary), 2016 * Donald Trump...is the last hope for America. I don't want nuance, I want bold colors: red, white, and blue... When I saw those guys on the boats on their knees, I mean, that sends a picture about America that I haven't seen ever before. And I think we need Donald Trump right now. The country needs him. ** {{w|Robert Davi}}, as quoted in [http://dailycaller.com/2016/01/14/die-hard-actor-robert-davi-donald-trump-is-the-last-hope-for-america-video/ "‘Die Hard' Actor Robert Davi: Donald Trump Is The ‘Last Hope For America'"] by Steve Guest, ''The Daily Caller'' (14 January 2016) * Let's say five years ago, someone wanted to tell an end-of-the-world story. Governments have broken down, diplomacy has gone out the window, and lunatic nutbags are running things. If the storyteller wanted to provide a shorthand to establish how things could have possibly gone so wrong, all he would have to do is have a newscaster talking about "President Trump." Because five years ago, the audience would have snorted and said, "Well, sure, I totally believe that if this country was stupid enough to put Trump into office, then it makes sense that the entire world is falling apart." **{{W|Peter David}}, [http://www.peterdavid.net/2017/08/04/freak-out-friday-august-4-2017/ Freak Out Friday], August 4 2017 * Loser of the year <i> German: "Der Verlierer des Jahres </i> ** Der Spiegel, quoted by {{citation |date=2020-12-11 |title=German magazine Der Spiegel names Trump 'Loser of the Year' | author= Celine Castronuovo | periodical=The Hill | url=https://thehill.com/homenews/media/529830-german-magazine-der-spiegel-names-trump-loser-of-the-year}} * Trump has been said to have extended his initial 30-day deadline to four months **Karen DeYoun of Washington Post, [https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/national-security/john-bolton-to-meet-with-turks-to-discuss-announced-us-withdrawal-from-syria/2019/01/04/30e39c92-1044-11e9-8938-5898adc28fa2_story.html 4 January 2019] * The case for constitutional limited government is the case against Donald Trump. To the degree we take him at his word — understanding that Trump is a negotiator whose positions are often purposefully deceptive — what he advocates is a rejection of our [[James Madison|Madisonian]] inheritance and an embrace of Barack Obama's [[authoritarianism]]. Trump assures voters that he will use authoritarian power for good, to help those who feel — with good reason — ignored by both parties. But the American experiment in self-government was the work of a generation that risked all to defeat a tyrannical monarch and establish a government of laws, not men. A government of the people, by the people, and for the people is precisely what the Constitution offers, and what is most threatened by "great men" impatient to impose their will on the nation. Conservatives should reject Trump's hollow, Euro-style [[identity politics]]. **Ben Domenech, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination "Conservatives Against Trump"] (21 January 2016), ''National Review''. * If your claim to fame is that you’ve taken money from other people and haven’t delivered what you promised, that doesn’t make you a genius businessman, that makes you a [[thief]]. **{{w|Kathy Duva}}, as quoted in [http://theboxingtribune.com/2017/01/19/donald-trump-was-awful-at-boxing-too/ "Donald Trump was awful at boxing, too"] by Paul Gagno, ''The Boxing Tribune'' (January 19, 2017) === E === *In his State of the Union address on February 6, 2019, Donald Trump said: ''...we condemn the brutality of the Maduro regime, whose socialist policies have turned that nation from being the wealthiest in South America into a state of abject poverty and despair.'' Trump’s ridiculous comment was not considered controversial, because the Western media, including the anti-Trump outlets like the New York Times, have spent many years conveying a lie: that Venezuela had been very prosperous and democratic until [[Hugo Chávez]], and then his successor [[Nicolás Maduro]], came along and ruined everything. If readers believe that, then they may indeed wonder, “Why shouldn’t the US government help Venezuelans return to that prosperous state?” **[https://fair.org/home/the-media-myth-of-once-prosperous-and-democratic-venezuela-before-chavez/ The Media Myth of ‘Once Prosperous’ and Democratic Venezuela Before Chávez, Joe Emersberger and Justin Podur, ''Fairness and Accuracy in Reporting'' (FAIR),] (26 August 2021) * People are looking for somebody who is outspoken and who isn't afraid. And [Trump] seems to have kind of a fearless attitude. ** [[Clint Eastwood]], as quoted in [http://www.newsmax.com/Newsfront/clint-eastwood-praises-trump/2015/12/25/id/707110/ "Clint Eastwood Praises Trump, Carson: 'Really Good People'"] by Todd Beamon, ''Newsmax'' (25 December 2015) * I'd have to go for Trump ... you know, [because] [[Hillary Clinton|she]]'s declared that she's gonna follow in [President] Obama's footsteps. I mean, it's a tough voice to listen to for four years. It could be a tough one. If she's just gonna follow what we've been doing, then I wouldn't be for her. She's made a lot of dough out of a being a politician. I gave up dough to be a politician. I'm sure that [former President] Ronald Reagan gave up dough to be a politician. ... [Trump]'s onto something, because secretly everybody's getting tired of political correctness, kissing up. That's the kiss-ass generation we're in right now. We're really in a p-ssy generation. ** [[Clint Eastwood]], interview with ''Esquire'' as quoted in [http://thehill.com/blogs/in-the-know/in-the-know/290324-clint-eastwood-id-have-to-go-for-trump-over-clinton "Clint Eastwood: 'I'd have to go for Trump' over Clinton"] by Mark Hensch, ''The Hill'' (3 August 2016) *The only thing that I can say about President Trump is that he is the only person who, in 2009 when I served a lot of subpoenas on a lot of people, or at least gave notice to some pretty connected people, that I want to talk to them, is the only person who picked up the phone and said, let's just talk. I'll give you as much time as you want. I'll tell you what you need to know, and was very helpful, in the information that he gave, and gave no indication whatsoever that he was involved in anything untoward whatsoever, but had good information. That checked out and that helped us and we didn't have to take a deposition of him in 2009. **Bradley Edwards (attorney prosecuting [[Jeffrey Epstein]]) in December 2018, according to [https://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2019/07/prosecutor-in-2009-epstein-case-said-donald-trump-was-the-only-one-who-helped-him/ 7 July 2019 article by Joe Hoft of Gateway Pundit] * (Said in 2016) [Narcissistic] idiot,bully, [and someone who] really cannot be trusted to be consistent or accurate in anything ** [[w:Jenna Ellis|Jenna Ellis]], senior legal adviser to the Trump 2020 campaign and the president, [https://www.axios.com/jenna-ellis-trump-adviser-87cebdba-a44f-4bbb-bdc3-3e044e76b746.html constitutional law attorney] and former law professor from Colorado according to [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-lawyer-jenna-ellis-idiot-campaign-b1731162.htmlTrump’s lawyer once called him an ‘idiot’ who ‘really cannot be trusted’ to tell truth] published November 18, 2020 *I will not be voting for Donald Trump in the primary. I take my conservatism seriously, and I also take Saint Paul seriously. In setting out the qualifications for overseers, or bishops, Saint Paul admonished Timothy... We should not put a new conservative in charge of conservatism or the country, so that he does not become puffed up with conceit and fall into condemnation. Republicans have wandered in the wilderness already by letting leaders define conservatism in their own image. Donald Trump needs more time and more testing of his new conservative convictions. **Erick Erickson, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination "Conservatives Against Trump"] (21 January 2016), ''National Review'' *Hitler is not Hillary Clinton either. The neo-nazis and white supremacists backing Donald Trump fetishize Hitler too. Trump dog whistles to them. **Erick Erickson, [http://theresurgent.com/republicans-for-hitler/ "Republicans for Hitler"] (17 May 2016), ''The Resurgent'' === F === *You got to give it up for [[Colorado]] — they’re the first state to legalize [[Cannabis|weed]] and illegalize Trump. **[[Jimmy Fallon]], as quoted in [https://www.nytimes.com/2023/12/21/arts/television/jimmy-fallon-trump-colorado-ballot.html "Jimmy Fallon Cheers Colorado for ‘Illegalizing’ Trump"] (21 December 2023), By Trish Bendix, ''{{w|New York Times}}'' * I was trying to let science guide our policy, but he was putting as much stock in anecdotal things that turned out not to be true as he was in what scientists like myself were saying. That caused unnecessary and uncomfortable conflict where I had to essentially correct what he was saying, and put me at great odds with his people. ** [[Anthony Fauci | Dr. Anthony Fauci]], the director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, as quoted in [https://www.unilad.co.uk/news/dr-fauci-says-trump-would-do-terrible-things-anytime-he-disagreed-with-him-publicly/ "Dr Fauci Says Trump Would Do ‘Terrible Things’ Anytime He Disagreed With Him Publicly"], Cameron Frew, Unila, 20 February 2021. *In the United States, Trump’s diversionary theatrics and early failures in Congress kept off the front pages a bonfire of social and environmental regulations as well as a purge of liberal judges from the [[w:federal judiciary in the United Stats|federal bench]] that continued in the background with little resistance and that promised to play out for decades. When thwarted by [[United States Congress|Congress]], Trump resorted to [[w:Executive orders|executive orders]] and [[w:Emergency powers|emergency powers]], as had presidents before him, though with a radical, institution-shaking appeal in justification “to the people” rarely heard since the [[New Deal]]. Internationally, the unconservative revisionism of the [[Far-right politics|hard right]] was evident in Trump’s questioning or pulling back from previous American commitments— the [[w:Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action|Iran nuclear deal]], [[Paris Agreement|world climate accords]], the [[w:Atlantic alliance|Western alliance]] itself. Rather than standing up for liberal democracy and universal values, he praised authoritarians: [[China]]’s [[Xi Jinping|Xi]], [[Russia]]’s [[Vladimir Putin|Putin]], [[House of Saud|Saudi princes]], the [[Philippines]]’ [[Rodrigo Duterte|Duterte]]. Rather than follow every administration, Democrat or Republic, since 1945 and align Americanism, Westernism, and universalism in an avowedly virtuous trinity, the Trump right detached Americanism as justified and defendable on its own. **[[w:Edmund Fawcett|Edmund Fawcett]], ''Conservatism: The Fight for a Tradition'' (2020), p. 348 * Trump is Hillary Clinton's Christmas gift wrapped up under a tree. **[[Carly Fiorina]], [http://www.cnn.com/2015/12/09/politics/donald-trump-hillary-clinton-conspiracy/index.html ''Twitter''] (8 December 2015) *I think Trump says a lot of things that are crazy... [repeating what a 10-year-old girl said] Trump's a moron. **[[Carly Fiorina]], as quoted in [http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/carly-fiorina-repeats-girl-donald-trumps-moron/story?id=36327939 "Carly Fiorina Repeats After Girl: 'Donald Trump's a Moron'"] (16 January 2016), by Ben Gittleson, ''{{w|ABC News}}'' *He reminds me of [[Adolf Hitler|Hitler]]. **{{w|Vicente Fox}}, [http://www.cnn.com/2016/02/26/politics/vicente-fox-donald-trump-hitler/index.html interview with Anderson Cooper] (February 2016) * Most amateur diagnosticians have mislabeled President Trump with the diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder. I wrote the criteria that define this disorder, and Mr. Trump doesn't meet them. He may be a world-class [[narcissism|narcissist]], but this doesn't make him mentally ill, because he does not suffer from the distress and impairment required to diagnose [[mental disorder]]. :Mr. Trump causes severe distress rather than experiencing it and has been richly rewarded, rather than punished, for his grandiosity, self-absorption and lack of [[empathy]]. It is a stigmatizing insult to the mentally ill (who are mostly well behaved and well meaning) to be lumped with Mr. Trump (who is neither). :* [[w:Allen Frances|Allen Frances]], [https://www.nytimes.com/2017/02/14/opinion/an-eminent-psychiatrist-demurs-on-trumps-mental-state.html?_r=0 "An Eminent Psychiatrist Demurs on Trump's Mental State,"] [[w:The New York Times|The New York Times]], February 14, 2017. *A person who thinks only about building walls, wherever they may be, and not of building bridges, is not Christian. This is not the [[gospel]]... I say only that this man is not Christian if he has said things like that. We must see if he said things in that way and I will give him the benefit of the doubt. **[[Pope Francis]], as quoted in [http://www.cbsnews.com/news/pope-francis-trump-is-not-christian/ "Pope Francis: Donald Trump 'is not Christian'"] (18 February 2016), by Rebecca Kaplan, ''{{w|CBS News}}'' *I was wrong. Weeks ago I said on a number of radio interviews that while I opposed Trump in the primary, I'd back him if he won the GOP nomination. I hadn't yet seen, or had been unwilling to believe, the full extent of his contempt for the truth, his fondness for far-left conspiracy theories, and his sheer malice. When I saw Trump in full, my decision was easy. Never Trump... I cannot abide the notion of voting for a man whose 'war strategy' is a child-killing war crime. **David French, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/432237/donald-trump-why-i-cant-vote-trump-nevertrump "Why I Changed My Mind and Joined the #NeverTrump Movement"] (2 March 2016), ''National Review'' *There is an Ivy League grad who has spent most of his life in [[New York City|Manhattan]], where he is chauffeured around in limousines. He frequently brags to strangers about his massive personal wealth. In public statements, he has advocated government healthcare, a woman's right to an abortion, an assault weapons ban, and paying off the national debt by forcing rich people to forfeit 14.25 percent of their total wealth. When the man married his third wife, he invited Bill and Hillary Clinton to the wedding, and he has given many thousands to their political campaigns and their foundation. He's donated many thousands more that helped elect Democrats to the Senate and the House. And George W. Bush was "maybe the worst president in the history of this country," the man said in 2008. "He was so incompetent, so bad, so evil." On paper, this is not someone you'd expect to excel in the 2016 Republican Party primary. But Donald Trump is excelling. Thanks to his celebrity, a few epic flip-flops, and his willingness to pander to the most xenophobic element of the GOP's base, the real-estate developer and reality-TV star is polling near the top of the field. **Conor Friedersdorf, [http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2015/07/donald-trump-running-for-president/398345/ "Donald Trump Is No Conservative"] (13 July 2015), ''The Atlantic'' * Trump has made it clear that he would rule as a dictator. His plans include destroying government as we know it, while acting on his desires without guardrails or accountability. He has vowed to use the power of the state to punish political opponents. In short, another Trump presidency would end American [[democracy]] as we know it. ** [[Dan Froomkin]], {{cite web |title=Some Rules for Journalists Reporting on Fascism and Fascists in 2024 |url=https://www.commondreams.org/opinion/reporting-on-trump-fascism-in-2024 |publisher=Common Dreams |date=26 January 2024}} === G === * Donald Trump is a serial liar. ** Neal Gabler, [http://www.salon.com/2016/05/15/donald_trump_is_a_serial_liar_more_upsetting_is_that_no_one_seems_to_care_partner/ "Donald Trump is a serial liar. More upsetting is that no one seems to care"] (15 May 2016), ''Salon'' * We thought about it when we made the movie! Are you kidding? You watch Part II again and there's a scene where Marty confronts Biff in his office and there's a huge portrait of Biff on the wall behind Biff, and there's one moment where Biff kind of stands up and he takes exactly the same pose as the portrait? Yeah. **[[w:Bob Gale|Bob Gale]], [http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2015/10/21/how-back-to-the-future-predicted-trump.html ‘Back to the Future' Writer: Biff Tannen Is Based on Donald Trump], The Daily Beast (October 15, 2015) *Donald Trump rightly criticized the [[w:Humayun Khan (soldier)|Khan]] parents. Clearly, Trump does not oppose Muslim soldiers serving in the military. Nonsense. Trump opposes Muslim immigration from jihad-hot regions. We know Islamic terror groups are plotting attacks on the West and using the migration to import their soldiers. ** [[Pamela Geller]], ''[http://pamelageller.com/2016/07/dnc-mainstream-medias-new-spox-muslim-parents.html/ DNC, Mainstream Media's New SPOX — Muslim Parents of Fallen Soldier WHO OPPOSE TRUMP BUT NOT JIHAD TERROR @chucktodd @meetthepress]'' (July 31, 2016) *I remain a skeptic about Donald Trump. Trump fans look at us skeptics with incredulity that we could possibly object to their man... Yet I see people comparing Trump to Reagan. Donald Trump has been a conservative for about ten minutes. **[[Jim Geraghty]], [http://www.nationalreview.com/corner/420996/trump-2008-bush-evil-talk-iran-obama-cannot-do-worse-bush-jim-geraghty "The Corner"], ''National Review'' * @realdonaldtrump you are full of shit! **Chrysler executive {{W|Ralph Gilles}} **[http://jalopnik.com/5956093/chrysler-exec-calls-donald-trump-full-of-shit-on-twitter Chrysler Exec Calls Donald Trump "Full Of Shit" On Twitter], at {{W|Jalopnik}} (2012) * [W]e have to learn something from history here. [[Fascism]] begins with the rhetoric of dehumanization, humiliation, and [[wiktionary:reification#Noun|reification]], right? It starts with the language of brutality, which it normalizes. It legitimates hatred and racism and violence. It views certain groups through rhetoric as enemies of the American people. It operates off of the rhetoric of war, anti-intellectualism, and white supremacy. It operates off of the language of disposability. That language doesn’t just simply normalize increasingly the notions of [[white nationalism]], white supremacy, racism, and [[xenophobia]]; it also enacts policies and it creates a culture of utter stupidity, a culture of ignorance. And, unfortunately, it functions so as to enable violence against groups labeled as dangerous, other, excess, and a threat to the whitewashed notion of citizenship.<br />With respect to the latter, when people can’t tell the difference between fact and fiction, they can’t tell the difference between good and evil. They can’t recognize a crime when they see one or what lawlessness looks like. All standards of truth go out the window. It’s a very dangerous moment because it means that people become more susceptible to [[demagogue]]s, to people like Trump, and I think that the media has played an enormous role in creating a [[wiktionary:formative#Adjective|formative]] culture that at its worst legitimates and at its best enables what we see happening in the United States today. ** [[Henry Giroux]], ''[https://mediaforus.org/interviews/2019/8/12/henrygiroux Henry Giroux on His Latest Book — The Terror of the Unforeseen — and How Neoliberal Capitalism Sets the Stage for Fascism]'' (August 19, 2019), ''Media For Us'' interview. *I can’t really speak to what is in other people’s minds or why they make the decisions that they make. I think power is very alluring, but I think the more important question is why he’s caused such division among so many families in this country.<br>This is so relatable, having this chasm in your family over Trump, and the reason for that is because he spews this toxic cruelty. And when you are a woman or a person of color or a gay person or trans person, and someone that you love supports a man like that, it is really hard to reconcile that support with their love for you.<br>So I want healing for our country, and I do want us to find the common humanity in one another, even when we disagree about politics. But if Trump becomes the president again, that will not be possible. Kamala Harris is our only path to healing. She presents a really beautiful path to healing for us.<br>…I view Trump as a disease, and I think it’s really important to remember that with every disease, prevention is a much more effective strategy than treatment. ... I thought we had cured ourselves of it the first time, but it doesn’t seem like we have. And I think if he becomes the president again, we may have a terminal illness in our country. And that really, really scares me. **Caroline Giuliani, daughter of Rudy Giuliani, regarding Trump’s influence over her father in [https://www.nj.com/politics/2024/10/trump-cruelty-embraced-by-those-you-love-rudys-daughter-on-how-maga-disease-has-infected-families.html Rudy Giuliani’s daughter explains why families have been split wide open by Trump] ''NJ.com'' (4 October 2024) *President Trump made history Sunday when he became the first sitting U.S. president to step foot in North Korea. Trump was there to visit North Korean leader [[Kim Jong-un]] at the military demarcation line at the [[w:Korean Demilitarized Zone|Korean Demilitarized Zone]]. Kim then invited Trump to cross the line, which has divided North and South Korea since 1953. Trump then took about 20 steps into [[North Korea]]. Following the meeting at the DMZ, Trump and Kim held a three-way gathering with South Korean President [[Moon Jae-in]]. Sunday marked Trump and Kim's first meeting since nuclear talks broke down in February... It appears another round of nuclear talks could begin in the coming weeks. **[[Amy Goodman]] in [https://www.democracynow.org/2019/7/1/trump_kim_jong_un_dmz_meeting ''Trump Makes History by Walking into North Korea. Could This Help to Finally End the Korean War?'' DemocracyNow!] (1 July 2019) *As a party, we are better to risk losing without Donald Trump than trying to win with him. Enough already with Mister Trump. **[[Lindsey Graham]], [http://www.examiner.com/article/lindsey-graham-better-for-a-democrat-to-win-the-white-house-than-donald-trump ''Twitter'' post] (August 2015) * If we nominate Trump, we will get destroyed.......and we will deserve it. ** [[Lindsey Graham]], [https://twitter.com/lindseygrahamsc/status/727604522156228608 ''Twitter'' post], (May 2016) *[[Ku Klux Klan]] leader [[David Duke]] told radio show listeners that {{'}}Jewish tribal nature{{'}} is to blame for the media's harsh treatment of Trump and compared Jews to {{'}}a pack of wild dogs.{{'}} The white supremacist is a vocal supporter of Trump. **Shanika Gunaratna, [http://www.cbsnews.com/news/neo-nazis-tag-jews-on-twitter-harassment-hate-speech-politics/ "Neo-Nazis Tag Jews on Twitter: Harassment, Hate Speech, Politics"] (10 June 2016), ''CBS News'', CBS Interactive, Inc. *Last week, the New York Times reported that the FBI, in 2017, launched an investigation of President Trump "to consider whether the president's own actions constituted a possible threat to national security" and specifically "whether he had been working on behalf of Russia against American interests." ...As usual – this melodrama was accomplished by steadfastly ignoring the now-standard, always-buried paragraph pointing out the boring fact that no actual evidence of guilt has yet emerged. *The FBI's counterintelligence investigation of Trump is far from the first time that the FBI has monitored, surveilled and investigated U.S. elected officials.... It is not difficult to understand what is so ominous and even tyrannical about the FBI investigating domestic political figures whose loyalties they regard as "suspicious," and whose political career they regard as a "national security threat," simply because those politicians express policy positions about U.S. adversaries that the FBI dislikes... If a politician adopts policy views... which is unduly accommodating to America's adversaries or "enemies," that's not a crime and the FBI thus has no business using its vast investigative powers against...[them]...the FBI investigation... clearly based, at least in part, on the FBI's disagreements with Trump's foreign policy views and the agency's assessment that such policies fail to safeguard "U.S. interests" as the FBI defines them. ** [[Glenn Greenwald]], [https://theintercept.com/2019/01/14/the-fbis-investigation-of-trump-as-a-national-security-threat-is-itself-a-serious-danger-but-j-edgar-hoover-pioneered-the-tactic/ The FBI's Investigation of Trump as a "National Security Threat" is Itself a Serious Danger. But J. Edgar Hoover Pioneered the Tactic] ''[[w:The Intercept|The Intercept]]'' (14 January 2019) [[File:Richard Nixon presidential portrait.jpg|thumb|As you can imagine, [Pat] is an expert on politics and she predicts whenever you decide to run for office you will be a winner! ~ [[Richard Nixon]]]] [[File:Jimmy Carter (cropped).jpg|thumb|I think the media have been harder on Trump than any other president certainly that I’ve known about, I think they feel free to claim that Trump is mentally deranged and everything else without hesitation. ~ [[Jimmy Carter]]]] [[File:George H. W. Bush presidential portrait (cropped).jpg|thumb|He's an ass. ~ [[George H. W. Bush]]]] [[File:Bill Clinton.jpg|thumb|He's a master brander, and he's the most interesting character out there. And...he says something that overrides the ideological differences. There is a macho appeal to saying, 'I'm just sick of nothing happening. I'll make things – vote for me.' ~ [[Bill Clinton]]]] [[File:George-W-Bush.jpeg|thumb|We've seen nationalism distorted into nativism – forgotten the dynamism that immigration has always brought to America. We see a fading confidence in the value of free markets and international trade – forgetting that conflict, instability, and poverty follow in the wake of protectionism. ~ [[George W. Bush]]]] [[File:Official portrait of Barack Obama.jpg|thumb|We're shocked that somebody would be saying these things. We're shocked that somebody is fanning anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-Muslim sentiment. We're shocked! We're shocked that somebody could be loose with the facts. Or distort someone's record -- shocked... This is the guy, remember, who was sure that I was born in Kenya. Who just wouldn't let it go. And all this same Republican establishment, they weren't saying nothing. As long as it was directed at me, they were fine with it. They thought it was a hoot. Wanted to get his endorsement... What is happening in this primary is just a distillation of what's been happening inside their party for more than a decade. ~ [[Barack Obama]]]] === H === * When I tell you I’m angry, it’s an understatement. [[Mike Pence|Mike]] has been nothing but loyal to that [[Trump|man]]. He’s been nothing but a good friend of that man... I am so disappointed in the fact that [despite] the [[loyalty]] and [[friendship]] he had with Mike Pence, that he would do that to him. Like, I’m disgusted by it. ** [[Nikki Haley]] in [https://www.politico.com/interactives/2021/magazine-nikki-haleys-choice/ Nikki Haley’s Time for Choosing The 2024 hopeful can’t decide] February 12, 2021 * This is a dangerous world. I don't want to hear from him how great [[Hezbollah]] is. I don't want to see him congratulate the Communist Party anymore. I don't want him hitting [[Netanyahu]]. … We can't have someone who is so clouded with the past that they can't see the future. ** [[Nikki Haley]] in [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/trump-israel-netanyahu-hezbollah/ Trump's GOP opponents bristle at his response to Hamas' assault on Israel] (October 13, 2023) * I think he could be a great leader, because he's inspiring a lot of people, and especially people, including me, who are tired of Republicans being weak. I'm so sick of it. ** [[Sean Hannity]] — {{citation | date = 2015-07-30 | title = Hannity on Trump: 'That Boldness Needs to Be There If Republicans Want to Win' | newspaper = Fox News Insider | url = http://insider.foxnews.com/2015/07/30/sean-hannity-donald-trump-boldness-needs-be-there-if-republicans-want-win }} *The conservative president we desperately need requires a paradoxical combination of boldness and restraint. The president will need to be bold in challenging the runaway power and reach of his own branch, against the fury of the bureaucracy itself, its client groups, and the media. This boldness is necessary to restore the restraint that a republican executive should have in our constitutional order. Trump exhibits no awareness of this supreme constitutional task. **Steven F. Hayward, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination "Conservatives Against Trump"] (21 January 2016), ''National Review'' *Donald Trump is the result of a long process of political, cultural and social decay. He is a product of our failed democracy. The longer we perpetuate the fiction that we live in a functioning democracy, that Trump and the political mutations around him are somehow an aberrant deviation that can be vanquished in the next election, the more we will hurtle toward tyranny. The problem is not Trump. It is a political system, dominated by corporate power and the mandarins of the two major political parties, in which we don’t count. We will wrest back political control by dismantling the corporate state, and this means massive and sustained civil disobedience, like that demonstrated by teachers around the country this year... <BR>As a foreign correspondent I covered collapsed societies... It is impossible for any doomed population to grasp how fragile the decayed financial, social and political system is on the eve of implosion. All the harbingers of collapse are visible... We suffer the usual pathologies of impending death. I would be happy to be wrong. But I have seen this before. I know the warning signs. All I can say is get ready. **[[Chris Hedges]] in [https://www.commondreams.org/views/2018/05/21/coming-collapse The Coming Collapse], [[w:Common Dreams|''Common Dreams'']], (21 May 2018) *He doesn't know the Constitution, history, law, political philosophy, nuclear strategy, diplomacy, defense, economics beyond real estate, or even, despite his low-level-mafioso comportment, how ordinary people live. But trumping all this is a greater flaw presented as his chief strength. Governing a great nation in parlous times is far more than making "deals." Compared with the weight of the office he seeks, his deals are microscopic in scale, and as he faced far deeper complexities he would lead the country into continual Russian roulette. If despite his poor judgment he could engage talented advisers, as they presented him with contending and fateful options the buck would stop with a man who simply grasps anything that floats by. Following Obama's, a Trump presidency would be yet more adventure [[tourism]] for a formerly serious republic. **Mark Helprin, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination "Conservatives Against Trump"] (21 January 2016), ''National Review'' * What bitch is Donald Trump hanging his dick inside of today? ** {{w|Doug Henderson}}, guitarist/singer/lyricist of {{w|Spongehead}} in the song "Nothing" from ''[[w:Curn Your Dogma|Curb Your Dogma]]'' (Triple X Records, 1993) * There’s no question that America would be better off if the president would resign or be removed from office. If that’s going to happen or how that should happen, I don’t know. But we need leadership right now, and we need to stop all of this craziness. ** Larry Hogan, Republican Governor, as quoted in [https://www.baltimoresun.com/politics/bs-md-pol-hogan-capitol-20210107-7gjx3ksoqrhmrixhqr7zz2byom-story.html "Maryland Gov. Hogan: ‘America would be better off’ if Trump resigns or is removed from office"], 7 January 2021, <i> The Baltimore Sun </i> * It's unacceptable and abhorrent to attack Vice President Harris or anyone’s racial identity. The American people deserve better. ** Larry Hogan, Republican Governor, as quoted in [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/live-updates/Kamala-Harris-Donald-Trump-100-days/?id=112358511&entryId=112456624 "GOP Senate candidate Larry Hogan slams Trump's NABJ Convention remarks"], ''ABC News'' (July 31, 2024) * <p>Trump undermines the free press because he wants to be the only ''legitimate'' source of information in society. He lies all the time to break down the processes by which we discern the truth about the world around us, and compile the observations and facts which make up the tapestry of reality. He has exposed the paper-thin vulnerability of our democratic society, which depends mightily on observing social norms—like yielding to shame—and a shared acceptance of some common set of truths.</p><p>The American president is determined to bulldoze this architecture of social structures, and usher in an era where force, not deliberation and cooperation, determines the path our society will take. If he never acknowledges any truth besides his own, he never has to do anything outside his own direct interests. He does not have to actually respond to any kind of criticism, or ever reconsider his course of action. Relentless lying, after all, is a form of coercion, in which you bend others to your will by forcing them to accept the infrastructure of your false reality—or to give up caring whether anything is true or false in the first place. Don't believe your eyes and ears. Everybody was cheering for me.</p> ** Jack Holmes, Politics editor at Esquire.com, [https://www.esquire.com/news-politics/a27718993/donald-trump-press-conference-theresa-may-thousands-protesters/ "Donald Trump's Press Conference With Theresa May Would Not Be Complete Without an Assault on Truth"], Esquire.com (June 4, 2019) *White tears, as [[Damon Young]] explains in The Root, are why defeated Southerners refused to accept the freedom of black slaves and formed the Ku Klux Klan. And white tears are why 63 percent of white men and 53 percent of white women elected a malignant man-child as their leader. **[[Cathy Park Hong]] ''Minor Feelings: An Asian American Reckoning'' (2020) * Donald Trump regularly incites political [[violence]] and is a serial liar, rampant xenophobe, racist, misogynist and {{w|birther}} who has repeatedly pledged to ban all Muslims — 1.6 billion members of an entire religion — from entering the U.S. ** Note appended to every article about Trump published by {{W|the Huffington Post}} as of January 2016, but removed after Trump's presidential victory. **[http://www.politico.com/blogs/on-media/2016/01/huffpost-to-publish-anti-trump-kicker-with-all-trump-coverage-218345 HuffPost to publish anti-Trump kicker with all Trump coverage], at {{W|Politico}}, published January 28, 2016 * [The] [[w:General Services Administration|agency]]'s ability to manage the [[Trump|former President]]'s [[conflicts of interest]] during his term in office when he was effectively on both sides of the [[contract]], as [[landlord]] and [[tenant]] ** [[w:House Oversight Committee|House Oversight Committee]] in [https://www.cnn.com/2021/10/08/politics/trump-hotel-dc/index.html "Trump DC hotel incurred more than $70 million in losses while Trump was president, documents show]" (October 8, 2021) *Casting the Trump administration's credibility gap into sharp relief, allies like Japan and [[Germany]] have demanded more "credible" evidence to support the U.S. claim. While President Donald Trump and Secretary of State [[Mike Pompeo]] have been unequivocal in their assertion that Iran was responsible for the attacks on two oil tankers in the Gulf of Oman last week, some of America's closest allies are demanding more proof. <BR>Both Japan and Germany have requested more concrete evidence... [[Jeremy Corbyn]], Britain's opposition leader, said more "credible evidence" was needed to support Trump's allegation.... According to ''The New York Times'', other European leaders have also been hesitant to lay the blame on Iran ― a doubt fueled in part by their "distrust of the Trump administration and its hawkish policy toward Tehran," the paper said. **[[w:Huffington Post|Huffington Post]], [https://www.huffpost.com/entry/trump-administration-allies-iran-tanker-pompeo_n_5d072ea3e4b0985c419ff17d ''Pompeo Claims There's ‘No Doubt' Iran Attacked Tankers, But U.S. Allies Want Proof, Huffington Post,'' Dominique Mosbergen] (17 June 2019) *We do not need to have a president that undermines our [[rule of law]], that goes in the courtroom as he did today in New York and acts like a child, a petulant child. We don't need that in America. We need adults in the room. **[[w:Asa Hutchinson|Asa Hutchinson]], [https://www.wmur.com/article/asa-hutchinson-trump-courtroom-dispute/45759110|Asa Hutchinson calls Trump a 'petulant child' after courtroom dispute with judge], [[w:WMUR-TV|WMUR-9]] (6 November 2023) === I === * Donald Trump is a clear and present danger to the republic. He’s disqualified based on character and rationality, so I’ll be voting for Kamala Harris. * I feel sorry for him. He’s really quite a sick puppy. He needs some help. * He’s been unfaithful to three wives. Why would we, at the altar with him as the fourth, think that he’s going to be faithful to us? Talk about irrationality. * If Donald Trump loses, that would be a good thing for the Republican Party. Because then we could have a Republican rethink and get a correction. ** Bob Inglis, Former six-term S.C. Republican Congressman, quoted in [https://charlestoncitypaper.com/2024/09/17/inglis-endorses-harris-calling-trump-a-clear-and-present-danger/ "Inglis endorses Harris, calling Trump ‘a clear and present danger’"], ''Charleston City Paper'' (September 17, 2024) ===J=== *It was an honor to visit with President [[Donald Trump]]. He was friendly, remarkably kind, and incredibly generous with his time. **6 June 2023 [https://x.com/GlennJacobsTN/status/1666097552100585473 tweet] by [[Glenn Jacobs]], the mayor of Knox County *I certainly empathize with Americans who are exhausted after 25 years of foreign entanglements in the Middle East. I understand the concern, but the difference is that back then, we had dumb presidents, and now we have a president who actually knows how to accomplish America’s national security objectives. **Vice-President {{w|JD Vance}} on NBC News’ ''Meet the Press'' responding to questions about Trump's directive to bomb Iranian nuclear facilities [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/jd-vance/iran-vance-intervention-skeptic-role-salesman-rcna214345 Iran strikes push Vance, a foreign intervention skeptic, into the role of salesman] ''NBC News'' (June 22, 2025) * Mr. Trump has crossed the line. More than one line. Captain Khan died in battle trying valiantly to save others. There is no place for criticism, stated or implied, of this brave soldier. He served our country. He is buried in [[w:Arlington National Cemetery|Arlington National Cemetery]] along with those of many ethnic backgrounds and religious denominations. They served our country. Mr. Trump did not. Criticizing Mrs. Khan for not speaking on stage is vile beyond words. No Gold Star Mother should ever be treated like that. Mr. Trump, you owe Mrs. Khan and all Gold Star families a huge apology. ** {{w|Jewish War Veterans of the United States of America}}, about Trump's statements on the [[Khizr and Ghazala Khan|Khan family]] ''[http://www.jwv.org/content/press_release/jewish_war_veterans_condemns_remarks_of_donald_trump Jewish War Veterans Condemns Remarks of Donald Trump]'' (2016) *Of course, I recognize the president’s unique relationship with the press and how it compares with past presidents. I am curious myself how it will impact the future, if at all. But the tension between the press and the president is nothing new. President Trump expresses it more frequently and more … colorfully than others. **[[Weijia Jiang]], as quoted in in [https://asiasociety.org/blog/asia/cbs-news-weijia-jiang-newsroom-diversity-covid-19-racism-and-covering-president-trump "CBS News' Weijia Jiang on Newsroom Diversity, COVID-19 Racism, and Covering President Trump" in ''Asia Society'' (27 May 2020)] * The problem is, I know Trump, so my [[optimism]] has been squashed like a baby bird ... Everything bad I had to say about him, I said to his face. ... I think he's very good, very compelling on that show [''Celebrity Apprentice''] ... I really like him because of his absence of filters. I really like the glimpse we get into the human [[heart]] we get when someone loses their filters ... "[[Thelonious Monk|A genius is the one most like himself.]]" In a really weird way, Donald Trump has achieved that. If he weren't running for president, you'd be seeing essays from me about how much I learned from Donald Trump and how much I loved being on the show ... I'm feeling so, so, so guilty, because I feel like, along with millions of other people, I played right into this. The [[cynicism]] of the Clintons, the careful, tightrope walk of all politicians, forced me, as an atheist, to get down on my knees and [[pray]] that someone would come along with some kind of [[authenticity]]. Well, [[God|someone]] called my bluff, goddamn it. ... The stuff [Trump] is saying on immigration, the stuff he saying on [[torture]], the stuff he is saying on [[war]], is absolutely unforgivable ... He is coming out directly against the Statue of Liberty. I'm a pure and utter peacenik. I want a president who sings the praises of people, sings the praises of [[peace]] and sings the praises of working together for a great country ... [[Abraham Lincoln]] wouldn't have laughed about waterboarding ... I want a president that is [[kinder]], [[smarter]] and more measured than me. ... I disagree with [[Hillary Clinton]] on just about everything there is to disagree with a person about. If it comes down to Trump and Hillary, I will put a Hillary Clinton sticker on my fucking car. ... Someone who is paying [[attention]] can do the same thing that Trump is doing with [[hate]], and do it with [[love]], and become president ... That's kind of beautiful. There's nothing more optimistic than that. ... Donald Trump does, when it comes right down to it, fuck up everything ... He fucks up his casinos. He fucks up his buildings.... Maybe he'll fuck up his campaign before he fucks up the country. ** [[Penn Jillette]], as quoted in [http://www.newsweek.com/penn-jillette-terrified-president-trump-431837 "Why Penn Jillette is Terrified of a President Trump" by Grant Burningham, in ''Newsweek'' (1 March 2016)] * I did two tours of duty on ''{{W|Celebrity Apprentice}}'' and I referred to someone who I knew was a dipshit, who I knew was a loser and a liar, as "Mr. Trump." And I didn't laugh out loud when they said he was a billionaire. And I didn’t laugh out loud when they said he was a good businessman. '''I knew he was a terrible businessman. I knew he wasn't really rich. I knew he was a liar. I knew all of that. And I sat there in a suit. What harm does it do to be on a TV show? To pretend that someone is a successful businessman? Turns out it matters a lot.''' ** Penn Jillette, as quoted in [https://www.rollingstone.com/tv-movies/tv-movie-features/penn-and-teller-interview-guns-trump-magic-bullet-catch-david-blaine-1234833297/ Penn & Teller on Giving Up Guns and Why Trump Is ‘The End of America’], by Brenna Ehrlich, in ''Rolling Stone'' (1 October 2023) * The only reason I wouldn't go to some parts of New York is the real risk of meeting Donald Trump. ** [[Boris Johnson]], as quoted in [http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/boris-johnson/12039931/Boris-Johnson-The-only-reason-I-wouldnt-visit-some-parts-of-New-York-is-the-real-risk-of-meeting-Donald-Trump.html Boris Johnson: 'The only reason I wouldn't visit some parts of New York is the real risk of meeting Donald Trump'] by Helena Horton, ''[[w:The Telegraph|The Telegraph]]'' (8 December 2015) * Donald Trump's a pussy. **[[Gary Johnson]], in [http://www.kob.com/albuquerque-news/gary-johnson-calls-donald-trump-pussy-at-libertarian-debate/4064122/#.VuDZG5wrLqY U.S. Libertarian Party debate] (2016) === K === *I'm rooting for him to do well for the same reason I root for a pilot on my airplane to do well. **{{W|John Kasich}}, [http://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/332198-kasich-i-dont-know-what-im-going-to-do-in-2020 Kasich: ‘I don't know what I'm going to do' in 2020], ''The Hill'', May 6 2017 * The Trump phenomenon is better understood as an amalgam of three different, largely pathological strains in [[American history quotes|American history]] and [[culture]]... The first and perhaps most obvious strain is hostility toward immigrants... In the 1850s, the [[w:American Party|American Party]], labeled the 'Know-Nothings' by its opponents, accused [[Irish people|Irish]] and [[Germans|German]] [[Catholic Church|Catholics]] of being agents of the pope and a threat... Later in the century, white workers on the Pacific coast led a mass campaign against [[Chinese people|Chinese]] newcomers, whom they blamed for undercutting wages... Federal lawmakers affirmed their bigotry by excluding any Chinese laborers... In the 1920s, fears of Slavs, Jews, Italians, and others suspected of being hostile to America's white 'Nordic' heritage persuaded Congress to impose quotas that all but banned immigrants... Trump's attacks on 'rapists and murderers' crossing the southern border and on potential Muslim terrorists jetting across the Atlantic belong to this long and ignominious tradition. ** {{w|Michael Kazin}}, [https://www.dissentmagazine.org/blog/trump-in-context-us-history-know-nothing "Trump in Context"] (14 December 2015), ''Dissent'' * His vow to 'Make America Great Again' lacks any explanation of what or who made it so wonderful before. Searching his website for clues turns up no proposals that might credibly bring about a national revival, unless one believes that a simplified tax code and a stern crackdown on illegal immigration amount to a sufficient blueprint for major change. ** {{w|Michael Kazin}}, [https://www.dissentmagazine.org/blog/trump-in-context-us-history-know-nothing "Trump in Context"] (14 December 2015), ''Dissent'' * The allure of Trump's candidacy and the dread it provokes at home and abroad stem from the same impulses, which run deep in U.S. political culture. A rich man whose name is familiar to everyone bashes people whom many citizens either fear or mistrust and makes vague promises to fix whatever ails the nation. And he does all this with a smirk, a threat, and yet also with a yearning for respect, even from those he routinely assaults in speeches. Trump probably will not be elected president, and it would be a disaster if he was. But his act is hardly as novel as he, and many of his fans and his critics, believe. After he leaves the stage, another wealthy performer with a talent for bombast and no political record to defend may well take his place. ** {{w|Michael Kazin}}, [https://www.dissentmagazine.org/blog/trump-in-context-us-history-know-nothing "Trump in Context"] (14 December 2015), ''Dissent'' * Trump is no true conservative. He's not even a reactionary in the best sense of the word. He's a self-aggrandizing opportunist. His policies go no further than his catchphrase, 'you're fired'. Listening to his first television ad is like a preview for a bad movie; an empty supercut of the highlights, or lowlights, without the plot being revealed because it's so thin. Trump is no everyman. He built his empire with $100 million from his wealthy father. Far from born into working or middle class, Trump never struggled a day in his life except by his own failings in business and the resulting repeated bankruptcies. His privileged background enabled him to make money off money; not exactly high on the hierarchy of middle-class values. As for being incorruptible, Trump gave big to politicians. He admitted that was meant to buy favors. His policy positions are similarly ephemeral; he supported the Big Government policies of Democrats and slippery values of the Clintons when it suited him. Steadfast, he is not. ** Sean Kennedy, [http://www.cnn.com/2016/01/07/opinions/kennedy-donald-trump/index.html "Donald Trump must be destroyed"] (8 January 2016), ''CNN'', Georgia: Cable News Network * Donald Trump is convincingly playing the role of a pandering demagogue. He seeks to stir up a passionate reaction that serves the purposes of his ambition. [[Founding Fathers of the United States|America's founders]] repeatedly warned against such demagoguery, because it sets people up for tyranny. Given his background, it's advisable to assume Donald Trump is being used by the enemies of rightful liberty to lead otherwise sincerely conservative people down a blind canyon into the withering fire of their elitist foes... Given this track record, before following Trump's lead, shouldn't people sincerely anxious to restore America's constitutional liberty carefully examine the nature of his purported advocacy? With much fanfare, Trump is being attacked by his erstwhile elitist faction buddies. But has he attacked them for treacherous betrayal of the security and sovereignty of the American people? ** [[Alan Keyes]], [http://www.wnd.com/2015/07/is-donald-the-elitist-factions-trump/#edXLUkSiiwg8yZ3j.99 "Is Donald the Elitist Faction's Trump?"] (16 July 2015), ''WND'' * Every president lies at some point, for diplomatic or national security reasons or to sell a policy. But Trump is not known for one big lie — just a constant stream of exaggerated, invented, inconsistent, dubious and false claims. In the nine years I have run The Fact Checker, I have never encountered a politician so cavalier about the facts, so unconcerned with accuracy, so willing to attack people for made-up reasons and so determined to falsely depict his achievements. ** Glenn Kessler, editor and chief writer of The Washington Post Fact Checker, in [https://eu.usatoday.com/story/opinion/2020/06/02/fact-checking-donald-trump-essential-american-politics-column/5301135002/ Fact-checking Trump: He's on a dangerous path that must be documented and discouraged (June 2, 2020)] * Donald Trump has asked why I did not speak at the Democratic convention. He said he would like to hear from me. Here is my answer to Donald Trump: Because without saying a thing, all the world, all America, felt my pain. I am a Gold Star mother. Whoever saw me felt me in their heart. * Donald Trump said I had nothing to say. I do. My son Humayun Khan, an Army captain, died 12 years ago in Iraq. He loved America, where we moved when he was 2 years old. He had volunteered to help his country, signing up for the ROTC at the [[w:University of Virginia|University of Virginia]]. This was before the attack of Sept. 11, 2001. He didn't have to do this, but he wanted to. * I cannot walk into a room with pictures of Humayun. For all these years, I haven't been able to clean the closet where his things are — I had to ask my daughter-in-law to do it. Walking onto the convention stage, with a huge picture of my son behind me, I could hardly control myself. What mother could? Donald Trump has children whom he loves. Does he really need to wonder why I did not speak? * Donald Trump said that maybe I wasn't allowed to say anything. That is not true. My husband asked me if I wanted to speak, but I told him I could not. My religion teaches me that all human beings are equal in God's eyes. Husband and wife are part of each other; you should love and respect each other so you can take care of the family. When Donald Trump is talking about Islam, he is ignorant. If he studied the real Islam and Koran, all the ideas he gets from terrorists would change, because terrorism is a different religion. Donald Trump said he has made a lot of sacrifices. He doesn't know what the word sacrifice means. ** [[Ghazala Khan]], mother of fallen U.S. Army Captain [[w:Humayun Khan (soldier)|Humayun S. M. Khan]]. ''[https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/ghazala-khan-donald-trump-criticized-my-silence-he-knows-nothing-about-true-sacrifice/2016/07/31/c46e52ec-571c-11e6-831d-0324760ca856_story.html Ghazala Khan: Trump criticized my silence. He knows nothing about true sacrifice.]'', ''{{w|The Washington Post}}'' (July 31, 2016) * Muslims are American, Muslims are [[citizens]], Muslims participate in the well-being of this country as American citizens. We are proud American citizens. It's the values of this country that brought us here, not our religion. Trump's position on these issues do not represent those values. ** Khizr M. Khan in an interview with ''{{w|Vocativ}}''. [http://www.vocativ.com/259159/the-father-of-a-muslim-war-hero-has-this-to-say-to-donald-trump/] (December 08, 2015) * If it was up to Donald Trump, he never would have been in America. Donald Trump consistently smears the character of Muslims. He disrespects other minorities, women, [[judges]], even his own party leadership. He vows to build walls and ban us from this country. Donald Trump, you are asking Americans to [[trust]] you with our [[future]]. Let me ask you: Have you even read the U.S. Constitution? I will gladly lend you my copy. In this document, look for the words "liberty" and "equal protection of law." Have you ever been to {{w|Arlington Cemetery}}? Go look at the graves of the brave [[patriots]] who died defending America — you will see all faiths, genders, and ethnicities. You have sacrificed nothing and no one. We can't solve our problems by building walls and sowing division. We are Stronger Together. ** [[Khizr M. Khan]], speech during the final day of the {{w|2016 Democratic National Convention}} in [[Philadelphia]]. [http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/dnc-2016-khizr-khan-donald-trump-read-full-transcript-father-muslim-soldier-a7161616.html] (29 July 2016) * His policies, his practices, do not reflect that he has any understanding of the basic, fundamental [[constitutional]] [[principles]] of this country, what makes this country [[exceptional]], what makes this country exceptional in the [[history]] of the mankind. There are principles of equal [[dignity]], principle of liberty. He talks about excluding people, [[disrespecting]] judges, the entire judicial system, immigrants, Muslim immigrants. These are divisive rhetoric that is totally against the basic constitutional principle. If you read the Constitution, you will either deliberately would be violating those principles or you have not read. That is why I have watched whole ear and rest of the world has watched, and the [[love]] and affection and support that we have received after my statement, at every corner of the street, at every place. The [[affection]], the support, the love that I have received, that we continue to receive is a testament that he is talking about [[ignorance]]. He is not fully aware of these principles. * Two things are absolutely necessary in any [[leader]] or any person that aspires, wishes, to be a leader. That is [[moral]] compass and second is [[empathy]]. This candidate is void of both traits that are necessary for the stewardship of this country. * I do not believe his whole year-long rhetoric, division, excluding people, talking about them derogatorily, has prepared him. He promised to the Republican leadership that he will change his manner, he will not be as ignorant as he had been. But he had continued. Those two traits of moral compass and empathy are absolutely necessary for the leader of a free world leader of nation like United States. * This candidate for [[presidency]] to not be aware of the respect of a gold star mother standing there, and he had to take that shot at her, this is height of ignorance. This is why I showed him that Constitution. Had he read that, he would know what status a gold star mother holds in that nation. This country holds such a person in the highest regard. And he has no [[knowledge]], no awareness. That is height of his ignorance. She is ill. She had high blood pressure. People that know her, looked at her face, and she said, "I may fall off the stage." And I told her that, you have to assemble yourself and stand for the [[beauty]] of this tribute that is being paid. This person is total incapable of empathy. I want his [[family]] to counsel him, teach him some empathy. He will be a better person if he could become -- but he is a black soul. And this is totally unfit for the leadership of this beautiful country, the love and affection that we have received affirms that our beliefs, our experience in this country had been correct and positive. The world is receiving us like we have never seen. They have seen the blackness of his character, of his [[soul]], that he is void of recognizing, empathizing with people. ** [[Khizr M. Khan]], on an interview with {{w|CNN}} about Donald Trump saying that Khan's wife didn't speak because she was forbidden. [http://mediamatters.org/video/2016/07/31/cnn-khizr-khan-shreds-trumps-height-ignorance-response-his-democratic-convention-speech/212039] (July 31, 2016) * I have exactly the same rights as he does. He had been abusing, disrespecting women, judges, all decent Americans. He had been so abusive of them. I exercise exactly the same rights. That, again, proves his ignorance. He wants to have one set of rights for himself, and he wants to have another set of rights for others. No, somebody should tell him that there is equal dignity, equal protection of law in this country. That is why that Constitution came to play. I keep that in my pocket, because I cherish this document. I wish somebody would read it to him. Certain fundamental values that enshrine in this document. * Donald Trump needs to sit with his advisers and portray to this world that he is empathetic. You solve the problems with empathy, putting people together. There are bad people among us, but there are good people among us, as well. You gather good people to get rid of bad people, but you do not malign the whole religion -- the whole culture. * We are the solution to the dealing with the terrorism in the United States. Join hands with good Muslims. Only war is not the solution. It is one of the solutions. Communities coming together is the solution. We are as concerned as Donald Trump is about the safety of this country. We are testament to the goodness of this country. We need to stop fighting with one another, but we need a leader that will unite us, not disrespect, not by derogatory remarks. I feel bad about the discourse that this campaign -- this election campaign has taken. We need to join hands. We have a very serious problem of this for the safety of the citizens of this country. We are solution. Look, the treatment of Muslims in France and other places, there is much worse security issues than United States does. ** [[Khizr M. Khan]], in an interview in ''New Day'' on CNN Monday [http://edition.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/1608/01/nday.03.html] (August 1, 2016) * When a person becomes Commander-in- Chief, president, you are president and Commander-in-Chief of everybody that has supported you and that has not supported you. ** [[Khizr M. Khan]], in an interview in ''{{w|Anderson Cooper 360°}}'' [http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/1608/02/acd.02.html Transcript] (August 2, 2016) * But, far from making remarks of any persuasive power that can be viewed to be helpful to defusing tension, he made unprecedented rude nonsense one has never heard from any of his predecessors. A frightened dog barks louder. [...] He is unfit to hold the prerogative of supreme command of a country, and he is surely a rogue and a gangster fond of playing with fire, rather than a politician. [...] Action is the best option in treating the dotard who, hard of hearing, is uttering only what he wants to say. [...] I will surely and definitely tame the mentally deranged U.S. dotard with fire. ** [[Kim Jong-un]], quoted in {{citation |date=2018-09-22 |title=Trump Is A Rogue And Gangster Playing With Fire- North Korean Leader, Kim Jong |author=Seun Oyedele |periodical=Odua Voice |url=https://www.oduavoice.com/2017/09/22/trump-is-a-rogue-and-gangster-playing-with-fire-north-korean-leader-kim-jong/}} * Donald Trump is a [[fascist]]. ... Not in the sense of an all-purpose [[bad]] guy, but in the sense of somebody who sincerely believes that the toxic combination of strong [[government]] and strong [[corporations]] should run the [[nation]] and the [[world]]. He spent his previous career negotiating with the government on behalf of corporations; now he has switched teams. But it's the same game. ** [[Michael Kinsley]], ''[https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/donald-trump-is-actually-a-fascist/2016/12/09/e193a2b6-bd77-11e6-94ac-3d324840106c_story.html?utm_term=.6aa47d53b2b7 Donald Trump is actually a fascist]'', ''{{w|The Washington Post}}'' (December 9, 2016) * If instead of having ten fingers, I had ten combs for fingers, I'd love to meet Donald Trump, just so I could run my fingers through his hair. ** {{citation | author = Jarod Kintz | date = 2011-05-18 | title = This Book is Not For Sale }} * We want every vote counted, yes every legal vote (of course). But, if you have legit concerns about fraud present EVIDENCE and take it to court. <b>STOP Spreading debunked [[misinformation]]... This is getting insane. </b> ** [[Adam Kinzinger]], Republican Congress member (2020-11-06) to Donald Trump about the 2020 election, <i>[https://twitter.com/RepKinzinger/status/1324503564891414528 Tweet] </i> * Yesterday, it became evident that not only has the president abdicated his duty to protect the people and the people’s house, he invoked and inflamed passions that only gave fuel to the insurrection that we saw here. When pressed to move and denounce the violence, he barely did so while of course victimizing himself and seeming to give a wink and a nod to those doing it. All indications are that the president has become unmoored, not just from his duty or even his oath but reality, itself. It is for this reason that I call on the vice president and members of the Cabinet to ensure the next few weeks are safe for the American people and that we have a sane captain of the ship. ** Adam Kinzinger, quoted by {{citation | author = Rick Pearson, Lisa Donovan | date = 2020-01-07 | title = Republican US Rep. Adam Kinzinger calls for 25th Amendment to remove President Trump from office | url = https://www.chicagotribune.com/politics/ct-adam-kinzinger-trump-calls-for-invoking-25th-amendment-20210107-ldf2chdunbecbo6ry6uino4dpq-story.html }} * The worst president the USA ever had. He was a liar and a charlatan. And he was a man with a most fragile ego I ever met. ** Adam Kinzinger, quoted by {{citation | author = Bradley Cortright | date = 2022-02-07 | title = Kinzinger Ramps Up Criticism of Trump: I Will Tell My Son He Was the 'Worst President' | url = https://ijr.com/kinzinger-ramps-criticism-trump-will-tell-son-worst-president/ }} * I have spent my life building bridges and tearing down barriers — not building walls. That’s why I find Donald Trump’s belief that an American-born judge of Mexican descent is incapable of fairly presiding over his case is not only dead wrong, it is un-American. As the Presidential campaign progressed, I was hoping the rhetoric would tone down and reflect a campaign that was inclusive, thoughtful and principled. While I oppose the Democratic nominee, Donald Trump’s latest statements, in context with past attacks on Hispanics, women and the disabled like me, make it certain that I cannot and will not support my party’s nominee for President regardless of the political impact on my candidacy or the Republican Party. It is absolutely essential that we are guided by a commander-in-chief with a responsible and proper temperament, discretion and judgment. Our President must be fit to command the most powerful military the world has ever seen, including an arsenal of thousands of nuclear weapons. After much consideration, I have concluded that Donald Trump has not demonstrated the temperament necessary to assume the greatest office in the world. ** [[Mark Kirk]], quoted in ''[https://web.archive.org/web/20160608015204/http://chicago.suntimes.com/news/sen-mark-kirk-withdraws-support-for-trump/ Sen. Mark Kirk withdraws support for Trump]'' by Lynn Sweet, 7 June 2016, ''{{w|Chicago Sun-Times}}''. *I think Trump may be one of those figures in history who appears from time to time to mark the end of an era and to force it to give up its old pretenses. It doesn’t necessarily mean that he knows this, or that he is considering any great alternative. It could just be an accident. **[[Henry Kissinger]], interview with the ''Financial Times'', [https://www.ft.com/content/926a66b0-8b49-11e8-bf9e-8771d5404543 18 July 2018] * Donald Trump — a political neophyte, a New York loudmouth who plays fast and loose with the truth, a massive [[egotism|egotist]] and a not altogether pleasant human being — has delivered conservatives one of the greatest years in living memory and has made our government more [[morality|moral]] in the process. The left and many on the right didn't see it coming because they [[hate]] the man. And because they didn't see it coming, they won't see that it's come. ** [[Andrew Klavan]], "[https://pjmedia.com/andrewklavan/trump-has-made-our-government-more-moral/ Trump Has Made Our Government More Moral]", ''PJ Media'' (December 15, 2017) *these children are ready to deliver their moral verdict on the people and institutions who knew all about the dangerous, depleted world they would inherit and yet chose not to act. They know what they think of Donald Trump in the United States and Jair Bolsonaro in Brazil and Scott Morrison in Australia and all the other leaders who torch the planet with defiant glee while denying science so basic that these kids could grasp it easily at age eight. **[[Naomi Klein]] ''On Fire: The (Burning) Case for a Green New Deal'' (2019) * President Trump has violated many of the norms and [[w:Law of the United States|laws]] on which our democracy depends. He circumvents [[United States Congress|Congress]] [[w:National Emergency Concerning the Southern Border of the United States|by declaring the “crisis” at the border a national emergency]]. He orders his staff to ignore {{w|subpoena}}s. He uses his presidential status to enhance his [[w:Trump family|family]]’s wealth. He demands absolute loyalty from his appointees. He treats truth like a despot and jokes with [[Vladimir Putin]] about his “[[w:Fake news#Usage of the term by Donald Trump|fake news]]” problem. He boasts about [[w:Donald Trump sexual misconduct allegations|his misogyny]] and [[Racial views of Donald Trump|spews racist insults]]. Trump is not a [[despot]]. But neither were [[Mussolini]] and [[Hitler]] early on. No [[w:Blackshirts|black]] or {{w|brown shirts}} march in our streets. President Trump’s enablers wear white shirts and black robes. They are unified. Democrats are not. ** [[Claudia Koonz]], ''[https://historynewsnetwork.org/article/173030 Autocrats do not need a majority to destroy democracy. A divided opposition helps them.]'' (September 15, 2019), ''{{w|History News Network}}''. * Look, Trump has been elected, he will be our president and he has the right to choose conservatives. But instead of turning to the many principled Republicans available, he seems drawn to hotheads and [[bigots]], embarrassing himself and our nation. ** [[Nicholas D. Kristof]], ''[http://www.nytimes.com/2016/11/20/opinion/sunday/so-many-options-yet-donald-trump-picks-the-ugly.html Trump Embarrasses Himself and Our Country]'', ''{{w|The New York Times}}'' (November 19, 2016) *Isn't Donald Trump the very epitome of vulgarity? In sum... Isn't [[Trumpism]] a two-bit Caesarism of a kind that American conservatives have always disdained? Isn't the task of conservatives today to stand athwart Trumpism, yelling Stop? ** [[Bill Kristol|William Kristol]], [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination "Conservatives Against Trump"] (21 January 2016), ''National Review''. * What do African-Americans have to lose, asks Donald Trump. ** [[Paul Krugman]], about the comments of Trump on African Americans in the United States. [https://twitter.com/paulkrugman/status/766985736843165696 Twitter, August 20, 2016] === L === * There is nothing like a common adversary to make people recognize what they have in common. Once there was consensus that civility, compassion, immigration, equal opportunity and foreign allies were good; that racism, misogyny, discrimination, voter suppression and foreign autocrats were bad; that respect for the U.S. military, intelligence community, political leaders, science, the Constitution and the rule of law was a given; that the American promise was based on good faith, compromise and checks and balances; and that presidents should be role models. ** {{citation |date=2020-10-19 |title=Trump’s COVID-19 Misinformation Since Testing Positive | author= Jill Lawren | periodical=USA Today | url=https://usatoday.com/story/opinion/voices/2020/10/19/never-trump-conservatives-for-biden-patriots-role-models-column/3696503001/}} * On January 20, 2017, Donald John Trump became president, unskilled in the machinery of government and unmoved morally by the calling of the position, but aglow in his unmatched power. The first three years of Trump's term revealed a presidency of one, in which the universal value was loyalty- not to the country, but to the president himself. Scandal, bluster, and uninhibited chaos reigned. Decisions were driven by a reflexive logic of self-preservation and self-aggrandizement. Delusions born of narcissism and insecurity overtook reality. ** Carol Leonnig and Philip Rucker, ''I Alone Can Fix It: Donald J. Trump's Catastrophic Final Year'' (2021), p. 1 * The year 2020 will be remembered in the American epoch as one of anguish and abject failure. The coronavirus pandemic killed more than half a million people in the United States and infected tens of millions more, the deadliest health crisis in a century. Through the administration's [[w:Operation Warp Speed|Operation Warp Speed]] helped produce [[COVID-19 vaccine|vaccines]] in record time, its overall coronavirus response was mismanaged by the president and marred by ineptitude and backbiting. The virus was only one of the crises Trump confronted in 2020. The pandemic paralyzed the economy, plunging the nation into a recession during which low-wage workers, many of them minorities, suffered the most. The May 25 killing of [[George Floyd]], a Black man, under the knee of a white police officer ignited protests for racial justice and an end to police discrimination and brutality. Yet Trump sought to exploit the simmering divisions for personal political gain, quickly declared himself "your president of law and order" and relentlessly pressured Pentagon leaders to deploy active-duty troops against [[Black Lives Matter]] protestors. The worsening [[Global warming|climate crisis]], meanwhile, was almost entirely ignored Trump, who earlier in his term had rolled back [[Environmentalism|environmental]] regulations and withdrawn the United States from the [[Paris Agreement]]. The president was instead preoccupied with stoking doubts about the legitimacy of the election. After he lost to Joe Biden, Trump fanned the flames of conspiracies and howled about fraud that did not exist. His false claims of a "rigged election" inspired thousands of people to storm the Capitol in [[2021 United States Capitol attack|a violent and ultimately failed insurrection on January 6, 2021]]. ** Carol Leonnig and Philip Rucker, ''I Alone Can Fix It: Donald J. Trump's Catastrophic Final Year'' (2021), p. 2 * Most of Trump's failings can be explained by a simple truth: He cared more about himself than the country. Whether managing the coronavirus or reacting to his election defeat, Trump prioritized what he thought to be his political and personal interests over the common good. ** Carol Leonnig and Philip Rucker, ''I Alone Can Fix It: Donald J. Trump's Catastrophic Final Year'' (2021), p. 4 * ...shrewdness, coupled with shamelessness and unnatural political stamina, allowed Trump to deliver on many of his political promises. He pleased his conservative base by remaking the federal judiciary, including with three nominations to the Supreme Court; cutting taxes on corporations and the wealthy; expanding the military; toughening border enforcement; and weakening the regulatory state. Trump also forged new bilateral trade agreements, negotiated peace accords in the Middle East, and won concessions from European allies he had argued were taking advantage of the United States. Trump nearly won a second term. More than 74 million people voted to reelect him- the second-highest total ever recorded, the highest being Biden's 81 million. Were it not for Biden's victories in a handful of swing states, Trump would have won the electoral college and secured four more years in office. It would be foolhardy then to dismiss his presidency as a failure and to turn the page on this period. Rather, we must try to understand what made him so appealing to so many, and what that reveals about the country. ** Carol Leonnig and Philip Rucker, ''I Alone Can Fix It: Donald J. Trump's Catastrophic Final Year'' (2021), p. 6-7 *Deserate people do desperate things in desperate times, unfortunately the American people are facing desperate times of [[COVID-19]], but '''this president is in desperate times'''... as he speaks ill about senator Harris '''he speaks ill about women''', and we hear it and it is a '''loud siren across this nation''' **[[Sheila Jackson Lee]] on [https://www.facebook.com/AC360/videos/trump-intentionally-mispronouncing-kamala-harris-name/715040455763281/ Anderson Cooper 360 (video)] on October 26, 2020 * Sadism has even found a prominent position in popular culture. Many prime-time television series now owe their staying power to the sadistic impulses they exploit on the tube. Audience members find tremendous enjoyment in viewing horrified contestants who devour worms and insects on NBC's ''Fear Factor''; Donald Trump who exclaims without nuance, "You're fired" on his wildly popular series, ''The Apprentice''... ** Jack Levin and James Alan Fox, "Normalcy in Behavioral Characteristics of the Sadistic Serial Killer", Chapter 1 in ''Serial Murder and the Psychology of Violent Crimes'', edited by Richard N. Kocsis, 2008 Humana Press; p. 12-13 *Donald Trump is no conservative. That's not a crime, it's just a reason to vote against him. Many fine people are not conservatives. But the reason Trump's candidacy should worry the Right runs much deeper than that. He poses a direct challenge to conservatism, because he embodies the empty promise of managerial leadership outside of politics. ** Yuval Levin, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination "Conservatives Against Trump"] (21 January 2016), ''National Review''. *Trump...is an unstable, reckless and irrational extremist who is not bound by the rule of any law, and is eager to dismantle all constraints on the looting of the planet. If he wins again, he will be even less constrained. Some of his actions will be catastrophically irreversible. **[[Aurora Levins Morales]] [https://convergencemag.com/articles/midnight-in-the-latrines-again/ "Midnight in the Latrines"] (2020) *We have now arrived at a point where what is being spouted by Donald Trump, and others, amounts to a shallow, vulgar, uncompassionate conservatism. Sadly, to many Republicans, [[George W. Bush|Bush]] is now a punchline, and Trump is the fad of the moment. ** Matt Lewis, [http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2015/11/25/you-guys-i-m-starting-to-miss-dubya.html "You Guys, I'm Starting to Miss Dubya"] (25 November 2015), ''The Daily Beast'' *President Trump’s order to take out [[Qasem Soleimani]] was morally, constitutionally and strategically correct. It deserves more bipartisan support than the begrudging or negative reactions it has received thus far from my fellow Democrats. ** [[Joe Lieberman]], [https://www.wsj.com/articles/the-democrats-and-iran-11578262553 "The Democrats and Iran"], ''[[w:The Wall Street Journal|The Wall Street Journal]]'' (January 5, 2020) *I know Donald Trump. He's been a frequent guest on my radio and television programs, and I introduced him at the [[w:Conservative Political Action Conference|Conservative Political Action Conference]] in 2015. He has always been amiable and complimentary. I genuinely like him. But not as my presidential pick. ** [[Dana Loesch]], [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination "Conservatives Against Trump"] (21 January 2016), ''National Review''. * Trump's time in the White House is finally over. His presidency can be summarized as chaos, division, threats and hate. It's a wake up call for what can happen when hate and extremism are let in. ** [[w:Stefan Löfven|Stefan Löfven]], Prime Minister of Sweden, on [https://www.facebook.com/stefanlofven/posts/5326105824096935 FaceBook, January 20 2021] (in Swedish). *While Trump's appeal to various groups may be understandable, he makes a terrible champion for Republicans, and especially for conservatives. By the standards we typically use to evaluate candidates — their records, their views, their popularity with the general public, their experience, their temperament, their character — Trump should be dismissed out of hand. No candidate is perfect, but large numbers of conservatives have never before supported any candidate so obviously deficient in all of these respects. That Trump has a long history of liberal positions that extends even into the fairly recent past should not by itself be disqualifying. Conservatism has always welcomed converts. But conservatives have also expected some demonstrated commitment to their principles, some action that advanced their causes, before seeking to elevate a convert to high office. When Mitt Romney ran for the Senate in 1994, for example, he tried to distance himself from Reagan-era conservatism. He later moved right. But even on his least conservative day, Romney was arguing for a smaller government and lower taxes (and for an end to [[Ted Kennedy]]'s career). Trump, by contrast, has done essentially nothing for any conservative cause prior to deciding to run for the Republican presidential nomination. ** [[Rich Lowry]] and Ramesh Ponnuru, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/425010/donald-trump-lowry-ponnuru "Trump Wrongs The Right"] (19 October 2015), ''National Review''. * Trump obviously never meant to impose a wealth test on his administration, or he would have failed it himself. He is proof that a fortune isn't necessarily an obstacle to being a champion of an agenda of {{w|populist}} reform. ** [[Rich Lowry]], ''[http://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2016/11/no-the-swamp-wont-be-drained-214493 No, the Swamp Won't Be Drained]'', ''{{w|Politico}}'' (December 01, 2016) * He wouldn't {{w|drain the swamp}}, but merely feed different alligators. ** [[Rich Lowry]], ''[http://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2016/11/no-the-swamp-wont-be-drained-214493 No, the Swamp Won't Be Drained]'', ''{{w|Politico}}'' (December 01, 2016) * No participant in an administration that caged children, performed involuntary surgeries on captive women, and scoffed at science as millions were infected with a deadly virus should be enriched by the almost rote largesse of a big book deal. And no one who incited, suborned, instigated, or otherwise supported the January 6, 2021 coup attempt should have their philosophies remunerated and disseminated through our beloved publishing houses. ** Barry Lyga, novelist, in a letter signed by more than 250 authors, editors, agents, professors and others in the American literary community, as quoted in {{citation |date=2021-01-15 |title=Hundreds in publishing sign letter objecting to book deals for the Trump administration | author= Dorany Pineda | periodical=Los Angeles Times | url=https://www.latimes.com/entertainment-arts/books/story/2021-01-15/book-world-signs-letter-to-block-trump-book-deals}} * When you get up there and try to say you want to see Hillary Clinton win, that wouldn't go over so big. Trump has sold me. What more can I say? I just think he's the only one who's going to turn this country around. ** [[Loretta Lynn]], as quoted in [http://dailycaller.com/2016/01/13/this-huge-country-star-just-revealed-the-republican-shes-supporting-for-president/ "This Huge Country Star Just Revealed The Republican She's Supporting For President"] by Kaitlan Collins, ''The Daily Caller'' (13 January 2016) === M === * [Trump ... alpha male] they’re overcompensating for how insecure they feel — a man who is secure with himself, a human who is secure with themselves, doesn’t have to go around bullying people all the time. ** [[Madonna]] stating it was not true that she had ever asked Donald Trump for a date according to [https://www.nytimes.com/2019/06/05/magazine/madonna-madame-x.html Madonna at Sixty] published June 5, 2019 *Donald Trump, for all of his bluster, is at least authentically stupid... All these other guys are clown posers. Trump is the genuine article. And, God help me, I think I'd rather have him sitting in the Oval Office, getting stupidly out-maneuvered by the politicians under him, than bringing in a guy like [[Ben Carson|Carson]] who is willing to shred every last bit of his intellectual credibility in order to lord over a citizenry he doesn't seem to have much respect for. ** {{w|Drew Magary}}, [http://www.gq.com/story/fuck-ben-carson "F*ck Ben Carson"], ''GQ'' (8 October 2015) * New Rule: Whenever you think the [[Tea Party movement|Tea Party]] can't get any dumber, they get dumber. Now they're in love with Donald Trump. Because nothing says "We're serious about fiscal responsibility" quite like a billionaire whose corporations have filed for bankruptcy three times. ** {{citation | author = [[Bill Maher]] | year = 2011 | title = The New New Rules: A Funny Look At How Everybody But Me Has Their Head Up Their Ass | location = New York | publisher = Blue Rider Press | isbn = 978-0399158414 }} * Here's the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He's never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He's totally— he's the white [[Kanye West|Kanye]]. And they are gonna love him. For a party whose base adores belligerence, this is the guy. ** [[Bill Maher]], {{citation | date = 2015-06-26 | title = Real Time with Bill Maher | medium = TV | url = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oTL-M3e6lq0 }} * Did you know that of the 14 states with the highest number of painkiller prescriptions per person, they all went for Trump? ** [[Bill Maher]] ''Real Time with Bill Maher'', January 20th 2017 * His behavior defies the traditional definition of what it means to be "manly." He wears bronzer, loves gold and gossip, is obsessed with his physical appearance, whines constantly, can't control his emotions, watches daytime television, enjoys parades and interior decorating, and used to sell perfume. ** Windsor Mann, {{citation | date = 2019-02-18 | title = The least macho president | publisher = The Week | url = https://theweek.com/articles/816310/least-macho-president }} * He set us back like 10 years. We have worked so hard to promote our values, values that made him president when he hawked them, and now he does this, leaving everything in shambles? Nah, destroy him. Let it be a lesson to every other 'populist'. ** Frances Martel, international news editor at Breitbart News, as quoted by {{citation | author = Will Sommer | date = 2021-01-15 | title = ‘Destroy Trump’: Breitbart Staffers Seethe After Capitol Riot | publisher = Daily Beast | url = https://www.thedailybeast.com/breitbart-staffers-clashed-over-blaming-trump-for-capitol-riot-leaked-chats-show?ref=home?ref=home }} * I think even during the campaign I said that Trump reminded me most of [[w:Joffrey Baratheon|Joffrey]]. They have the same level of emotional maturity. And Joffrey likes to remind everyone that he's king. And he thinks that gives him the ability to do anything. And we're not an [[w:Absolute monarchy|absolute monarchy]], like [[w:Westeros|Westeros]] is. We're a constitutional republic. And yet, Trump doesn't seem to know what that means. He thinks the presidency gives him the power to do anything. And so, yeah, Joffrey is Trump. ** [[George R. R. Martin]], interviewed by Jamie Sims in the ''T: The New York Times Style Magazine'', [https://www.nytimes.com/2018/10/16/t-magazine/george-rr-martin-qanda-game-of-thrones.html "George R. R. Martin Answers Times Staffers’ Burning Questions,"] October 16, 2018. * Today's violent assault on our Capitol, an effort to subjugate American democracy by mob rule, was fomented by Mr. Trump. His use of the Presidency to destroy trust in our election and to poison our respect for fellow citizens has been enabled by pseudo political leaders whose names will live in infamy as profiles in cowardice. Our Constitution and our Republic will overcome this stain and We the People will come together again in our never-ending effort to form a more perfect Union, while Mr. Trump will deservedly be left a man without a country. ** [[Jim Mattis|James Mattis]] {{citation | date = 2020-01-07 | title = Former Defense Secretary Mattis says Trump 'fomented' the security breach at the US Capitol | publisher = abc NEWS | url = https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/defense-secretary-mattis-trump-fomented-security-breach-us/story?id=75100611 }} * Trump is a potential disaster as commander-in-chief—uninformed, volatile, poor judgment. Hard to believe this is the candidate of a major political party. ** [[Barry McCaffrey]], retired four-star U.S. Army general, as quoted in [https://www.yahoo.com/news/does-military-think-donald-trump-204408128.html "What Does the Military Think of Donald Trump?"] (15 June 2016), ''Time'' * In recent days, Donald Trump disparaged a fallen soldier's parents. He has suggested that the likes of their son should not be allowed in the United States — to say nothing of entering its service. I cannot emphasize enough how deeply I disagree with Mr. Trump's statement. I hope Americans understand that the remarks do not represent the views of our Republican Party, its officers, or candidates. ** [[John McCain]], statement regarding Donald Trump's comments about [[Khizr M. Khan|Khizr]] and Ghazala Khan ([http://edition.cnn.com/2016/08/01/politics/john-mccain-statement-khan-family/index.html transcript] by {{w|CNN}}) (August 1, 2016) * I claim no moral superiority over Donald Trump. I have a long and well-known public and private record for which I will have to answer at the Final Judgment, and I repose my hope in the promise of mercy and the moderation of age. I challenge the nominee to set the example for what our country can and should represent. ** [[John McCain]], statement regarding Donald Trump's comments about [[Khizr M. Khan|Khizr]] and Ghazala Khan ([http://edition.cnn.com/2016/08/01/politics/john-mccain-statement-khan-family/index.html transcript] by {{w|CNN}}) (August 1, 2016) * [[Arizona]] is watching. It is time for Donald Trump to set the example for our country and the future of the Republican Party. While our Party has bestowed upon him the nomination, it is not accompanied by unfettered license to defame those who are the best among us. ** [[John McCain]], statement regarding Donald Trump's comments about [[Khizr M. Khan|Khizr]] and Ghazala Khan ([http://edition.cnn.com/2016/08/01/politics/john-mccain-statement-khan-family/index.html transcript] by {{w|CNN}}) (August 1, 2016) * [[2018 Russia–United States summit|Today's press conference in Helsinki]] was one of the most disgraceful performances by an American president in memory. The damage inflicted by [[President Trump]]'s [[naiveté]], [[egotism]], [[false]] [[equivalence]], and [[sympathy]] for [[autocrats]] is difficult to calculate. … President Trump proved not only unable, but unwilling to stand up to [[Putin]]. He and Putin seemed to be speaking from the same script as the president made a conscious [[choice]] to defend a [[tyrant]] against the fair questions of a [[free press]], and to grant Putin an uncontested platform to spew [[propaganda]] and [[lies]] to the [[world]]. … No prior president has ever abased himself more abjectly before a tyrant. Not only did President Trump fail to speak the [[truth]] about an adversary; but speaking for America to the world, our president failed to [[defend]] all that makes us who we are — a [[republic]] of [[free]] [[people]] dedicated to the cause of [[liberty]] at home and abroad. American presidents must be the champions of that cause if it is to [[succeed]]. Americans are [[waiting]] and hoping for President Trump to embrace that [[sacred]] [[responsibility]]. One can only [[hope]] they are not waiting totally in vain. ** [[John McCain]], official statement: [https://www.mccain.senate.gov/public/index.cfm?p=press-releases&id=A99FDA26-673D-4560-B4EA-5AEDF0685EC5 "SASC Chairman John Mccain on Trump-Putin Meeting" (16 July 2018)] *The presidency's most crucial duty is the protection of American national security. Yet, interviewed by Hugh Hewitt months into his campaign, Donald Trump did not know the key leaders of the global jihad. The man who would be commander-in-chief was unfamiliar with [[Hassan Nasrallah]], the [[Hezbollah]] leader who has been murdering Americans for over 30 years; Ayman al-Zawahiri, Osama bin Laden's longtime deputy who has quite notoriously commanded al-Qaeda since the network's leader was killed by U.S. forces in 2011; and Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, self-proclaimed caliph of the Islamic State (ISIS) and a jihadist so globally notorious that many teenagers are aware of him. Of course a man who wants to be president should make it his business to know such things. **Andrew C. McCarthy, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination "Conservatives Against Trump"] (21 January 2016), ''National Review''. <i> About the [[2021 storming of the United States Capitol|attack on US Capitol]]: </i> * The mob was fed lies. They were provoked by the President and other powerful people. ** Mitch McConnell, Senate Majority Leader, Republican, quoted by {{citation | date = 2021-01-19 | author = Alex Rogers, Clare Foran | title = Mitch McConnell: Capitol Hill mob was 'provoked' by Trump | publisher = CNN | url = https://edition.cnn.com/2021/01/19/politics/mitch-mcconnell-rioters-provoked/index.html }} <i> About the attack on US Capitol: </i> * Former President Trump's actions that preceded the riot were a disgraceful, disgraceful dereliction of duty. Trump is practically and morally responsible for provoking the events of the day. * Impeachment was never meant to be the final forum for American justice * We have a criminal justice system in this country. We have civil litigation. And former Presidents are not immune from being held accountable by either one. * He did not do his job. He didn't take steps so federal law could be faithfully executed and order restored. No. Instead, according to public reports, he watched television happily -- happily -- as the chaos unfolded. ** Mitch McConnell, as quoted by {{citation | date = 2021-02-13 | author = Alex Rogers and Manu Raju | title = McConnell blames Trump but voted not guilty anyway | publisher = CNN | url = https://edition.cnn.com/2021/02/13/politics/mitch-mcconnell-acquit-trump/index.html }} *When you think of how far we have come, and at what cost, and with what faith, to just turn it all over to this monstrous clown with a monstrous ego, with no experience, never served his country in any way — it's just crazy. We can't stand by and let it happen. The Republican Party shouldn't stand by and let it happen. ** {{w|David McCullough}}, quoted by Jim Dwyer in ''{{w|The New York Times}}'', [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/07/13/nyregion/donald-trump-david-mccullough-ken-burns.html "Scholars Steeped in Dead Politicians Take On a Live One: Donald Trump,"] July 12 2016. *Trump had been calling for better relations with [[Russia]] during his presidential campaign... Stooping to a new low, Friday's (New York) Times headline screamed: "F.B.I. Opened Inquiry Into Whether Trump Was Secretly Working on Behalf of Russia." For those interested in evidence — or the lack of it— regarding collusion between Russia and the presidential campaign of Donald Trump, we can thank the usual Russia-gate promoters at [[Mainstream media|The New York Times and CNN]] for inadvertently filling in some gaps in recent days... NYT readers had to get down to paragraph 9 to read: "No evidence has emerged..." **[[Ray McGovern]] in [https://consortiumnews.com/2019/01/15/russia-gate-evidence-please/ ''Ray McGovern: Russia-gate Evidence, Please,''] (15 January 2019) * Donald Trump is no conservative. He's a populist whose theme is: Our government is broken, and I'll fix it. He's right on point one: Both parties have failed to lead. Obama and congressional Democrats manipulate the levers of power to push America farther toward European socialism; Republicans promise free-market alternatives but end up caving in to pressure or carrying water for the GOP's own big-government special interests. The American people have signaled in recent elections that they've had enough of business as usual, and now they want to clean house. Yet Trump is no better than what we already have. He'll say anything to get a vote but give us more of the same if he gets into office. Trump beguiles us, defies the politically correct media, and bullies anyone who points out that the emperor has no clothes. None of that makes him a conservative who cherishes liberty... For decades, Trump has argued for big government. ** David McIntosh, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination "Conservatives Against Trump"] (21 January 2016), ''National Review''. * Trump himself thought it was a good idea in the recent past to support Hillary Clinton, including to be President. ** Dan McLaughlin, [http://www.redstate.com/dan_mclaughlin/2016/05/17/never-trump-movement-neither-anti-american-hypocritical/ "The Never Trump Movement Is Neither Anti-American Nor Hypocritical"] (17 May 2016), ''Red State'' * Trump is unexpectedly increasing my enthusiasm for [[Hillary Clinton|Hillary]]. What he is saying is not based on facts: it's based on immaturity, bad judgment and ignorance, and I think it's going to be hard for people in uniform who are thoughtful about this, to vote for him. ** [[Merrill McPeak]], retired U.S. Air Force chief of staff, as quoted in [https://www.yahoo.com/news/does-military-think-donald-trump-204408128.html "What Does the Military Think of Donald Trump?"] (15 June 2016), ''Time'' * Donald Trump is an original ** [[John McWhorter]] '''[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=phsU1vVHOQI Language Expert: Donald Trump's Way Of Speaking Is 'Oddly Adolescent' | The 11th Hour | MSNBC]''' (September 15, 2017) *Trump, who came in as a peacemaker president, has started a new war for the U.S. **Dmitry Medvedev, ex-Russia president and the Deputy Chairman of the Russian Security Council [https://www.ndtv.com/world-news/many-nations-ready-to-supply-iran-with-their-nuclear-warheads-top-putin-aide-8731477 Many Nations Ready To Supply Iran With Their Nuclear Warheads: Top Putin Aide] ''NDTV World'' (June 22, 2025) * Trump's brawling, blustery, mean-spirited public persona serves to associate conservatives with all the negative stereotypes that liberals have for decades attached to their opponents on the right. According to conventional caricature, conservatives are selfish, greedy, materialistic, bullying, misogynistic, angry, and intolerant. They are, we're told, privileged and pampered elitists who revel in the advantages of inherited wealth while displaying only cruel contempt for the less fortunate and the less powerful. The Left tried to smear Ronald Reagan in such terms but failed miserably because he displayed none of the stereotypical traits... Trump is the living, breathing, bellowing personification of all the nasty characteristics Democrats routinely ascribe to Republicans. ** {{w|Michael Medved}}, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination "Conservatives Against Trump"] (21 January 2016), ''National Review''. * There are two tactical approaches for candidates seeking their party's nomination in election campaigns. One is to strongly debate the issues and firmly advocate your positions, but to avoid personal attacks on your opponents or needless divisiveness. The other is to vigorously attack your fellow candidates, disparaging them personally and seeking to raise yourself up by dragging them down. Ronald Reagan was famous for epitomizing the former path. Donald Trump, unfortunately, has chosen to follow the latter course... At a time when the nation is suffering under one of the most divisive and incompetent presidents in history, our people need positive, unifying leadership, not negative, destructive political rhetoric. ** [[Edwin Meese]], [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination "Conservatives Against Trump"] (21 January 2016), ''National Review''. * Trump owes less to [[Wendell Willkie|Willkie]]'s tradition than to [[Benito Mussolini]]'s, and not only because of the superficial: Trump's chin-out toughness, sweeping right-hand gestures and talk of his "huge" successes and his "stupid" opponents all evoke the Italian dictator's style. Monday's breathtaking announcement that he would block all Muslims from entering the United States has many pointing out the obvious fascist overtones... Trump uses many of the fascist's tools: a contempt for facts, spreading a pervasive sense of fear and overwhelming crisis, portraying his backers as victims, assigning blame to foreign or alien actors and suggesting only his powerful personality can transcend the crisis. He endorsed the violence done to a dissenter at one of his rallies, and he now floats the idea of making entry to the United States contingent on religion. ** [[Dana Milbank]], [https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/donald-trump-isnt-todays-wendell-willkie-hes-todays-benito-mussolini/2015/12/08/77c81b0c-9ddc-11e5-a3c5-c77f2cc5a43c_story.html "Donald Trump, America's modern Mussolini"] (8 December 2015), ''The Washington Post''. * For all the promises Trump is breaking, there is one he has kept without wavering: his vow to be unpredictable. ... Some suggest that there is a method to Trump's [[madness]], that he is trying to make would-be adversaries think he is [[irrational]] and capricious, thereby making [[foes]] and [[rivals]] wary of pushing him too far. ... But in Trump's application of the {{w|Madman Theory}} there seems to be less [[theory]] than madman. There may be advantages to keeping foes and opponents off guard, but Trump is baffling [[friends]] and [[allies]], too. In [[foreign affairs]], unpredictability spooks allies and spreads instability. And unpredictable [[policy]] at home has long been seen as toxic for business. ... The widespread [[chaos]] suggests Trump isn't signaling new policies as much as he's winging it. His unpredictability is not a theory. It's the absence of one. ** [[Dana Milbank]], ''[https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/trumps-one-consistent-policy-chaos/2016/12/06/f1a5a5ae-bbf7-11e6-91ee-1adddfe36cbe_story.html?utm_term=.f664c9ebc888 Trump's one consistent policy: Chaos]'', ''{{w|The Washington Post}}'' (December 6, 2016) * You never know where the president's trigger point is ** Joint Chiefs Chairman Gen. Mark Milley according to "[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wcGUVBJgZnE Milley took top-secret action to limit Trump's ability to order military strike, book says]" (January8, 2021) *He needs no introduction. His name is familiar to every person on the planet Earth. His name comes up in almost every conversation in the world on global politics. His every word is followed by tens of millions. He has left a deep and lasting impact everywhere. **[[Narendra Modi]], speaking at the "Howdy Modi" rally at NRG Stadium in Houston, United States, ''[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AhFC-Un3J9Q ETV Andhra Pradesh]'' (22 September 2019) [[File:Moon Jae-in 2017.jpg|thumb|President Trump should win the Nobel Peace Prize. ~ [[Moon Jae-in]]]] * '''President Trump should win the Nobel Peace Prize.''' ** [[Moon Jae-in]], as quoted in [https://www.reuters.com/article/us-northkorea-southkorea-trump/trump-should-win-the-nobel-peace-prize-says-south-koreas-moon-idUSKBN1I10OD "South Korea president says Trump deserves Nobel Peace Prize"] by Hyonhee Shin, ''Reuters'' (30 April 2018) * The three primary goals of religious conservatives: to protect all human life, including that of the unborn; to reinforce the sanctity of marriage and the family; and to conserve the religious freedom of all persons. All three goals would be in jeopardy under a Trump presidency. Yes, Trump says that he is pro-life now, despite having supported partial-birth abortion in the past. The problem is not whether he can check a box. Pro-life voters expect leaders to have a coherent vision of human dignity and to be able to defend against assaults on human life in the future—some of which may be unimaginable today and will present themselves only as new technologies develop. ** Russell Moore, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination "Conservatives Against Trump"] (21 January 2016), ''National Review''. * Trump's proposal would assure the enmity of all Muslims, including those whose support we need if we are to prevail. Even assuming an infallible way to identify who is Muslim, the proposal is both under- and over-inclusive. It is under-inclusive because it does not address potential terrorists who have U.S. passports or residence permits, or are already here, or may threaten us abroad; it is over-inclusive because it bars the huge majority of Muslims who are not potential terrorists. Trump says he would order the military to kill the families of terrorists. That would be a direct violation of the most basic laws of armed conflict, which require that deadly force be used only when required by military necessity, under circumstances that allow distinction between military and civilian targets, and when incidental damage to non-military targets is proportional to the military advantage gained. A military that adhered to the laws of armed conflict would necessarily disobey such an order; if it followed the order, both the person who gave it and those who followed it would be subject to prosecution for war crimes. ** Michael B. Mukasey, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination "Conservatives Against Trump"] (21 January 2016), ''National Review''. *What a fucking idiot. **[[Rupert Murdoch]], as quoted in [http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2018/01/michael-wolff-fire-and-fury-book-donald-trump.html "Donald Trump Didn't Want to Be President"] (January 2017), by Michael Wolff, ''NY Mag'' * I want him out. He has caused enough damage. ** Lisa Murkovski, Republican senator, quoted by {{citation | date = 2021-01-10 | author = Kate Sullivan, Nicky Robertson | title = Republican Sen. Pat Toomey says he thinks Trump 'committed impeachable offenses' | publisher = CNN | url = https://edition.cnn.com/2021/01/09/politics/pat-toomey-trump-impeachable-offenses/index.html }} *Trump has gotten six or seven stories in his [[President of the United States|presidency]] so far, that if they happened in 1981, there would have been serious talk about the president needing to resign. And that's gone now, that ray gun of, ''"We don't do this. You can't get away with that"'' is pretty much gone... Everything is a [[Bigotry|racial stereotype]] with him half the time. We've got to admit that about [[Trump]]. **[[Mike Murphy]], [http://conversationswithbillkristol.org/video/mike-murphy/ interview with Bill Kristol] (20 June 2017) *A Moscow loving grifter is on the loose in the White House. Shame on the Vichy Republicans who constantly enable him. **[[Mike Murphy (political consultant)|Mike Murphy]], [https://www.politico.com/story/2018/06/04/playbook-birthday-mike-murphy-620654 interview with Daniel Lippman] (2018) * Yes, I’m supporting [[Donald Trump]]; I’m doing so as enthusiastically as I can do. In fact, I think he’s a terrible [[human]] being. ** [[Mick Mulvaney]] according to [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2018/dec/15/mick-mulvaney-donald-trump-video-terrible-human Debate between Mulvaney and the Democrat Fran Person in York, South Carolina] (15 Dec 2018) * I don't hate the man, but it's time for Trump to hang up his hat & sail into the sunset. * Do we really want a bull in a china shop situation every single day!? Also, I think the legal maximum age for start of Presidential term should be 69. ** Elon Musk, quoted in [https://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/news/other/3554566-elon-musk-time-for-trump-to-hang-up-his-hat-sail-into-the-sunset/ "Elon Musk: Time for Trump to ‘hang up his hat & sail into the sunset’"], 7 July 2022 * What kind of son have I created? ** [[w:Mary Anne MacLeod Trump|Mary Trump]] (Trump's mother), [https://archive.vanityfair.com/article/share/e515a2cd-a51b-4f83-8d61-6ebb9a104e0a is said] to have asked [[Ivana Trump]] === N === *[Trump is the] greatest friend Israel has ever had. **[[Benjamin Netanyahu]]. As quoted in Lazar Berman, ''[https://www.timesofisrael.com/liveblog_entry/netanyahu-calls-trump-greatest-friend-israel-has-ever-had-hailing-his-actions-in-past-2-weeks/ Netanyahu calls Trump ‘greatest friend Israel has ever had,’ hailing his actions in past 2 weeks]'', ''[[w:The Times of Israel|The Times of Israel]]'' (February 4, 2025) * When Trump came for the Mexicans, I did not speak out — as I was not a Mexican. When he came for the Muslims I did not speak out — as I was not a Muslim. Then he came for me. ** [[New York Daily News|The Daily News]], variant of ''{{w|First they came ...}}'' by [[Martin Niemöller]], as quoted in ''[https://www.businessinsider.com/daily-news-donald-trump-muslim-cover-2015-12 Daily News cover shows Donald Trump cutting off the Statue of Liberty's head]'' (December 09, 2015) by Colin Campbell, ''{{w|Business Insider}}'' * I love Donald, and he would make a great [[President of the United States|president]]. Number one, he tells the truth. Number two, he's been where most of these guys want to be, in terms of riding on his own plane. He doesn't have to worry about what hotels he stays in, he doesn't have to worry about how his family gets to Hawaii, so on and so forth. I could give you so many reasons. But most of all, most important I think for Mr. Trump, is he tells it like it is. Look, we can talk about these radicals all we want, but it's my opinion, and I heard [Trump] say this too: They're only going to be as radical as we let them be. ** [[w:Wayne Newton|Wayne Newton]] on {{citation | date = 2015-10-06 | title = [[w:Fox & Friends|Fox & Friends]] | medium = TV }} — as quoted in [http://thehill.com/video/in-the-news/256070-wayne-newton-all-in-on-trump "Wayne Newton all in on Trump"] by Judy Kurtz, ''The Hill'' (6 October 2015) * Mr President... STOP THE INSANITY You lost the election - here's how to save your legacy ** New York Post, quoted in [https://edition.cnn.com/2020/12/28/media/new-york-post-donald-trump-editorial/index.html "New York Post to Donald Trump: Stop the insanity"], David Goldman, ''CNN'' (29 December 2020) * Trump has chosen to identify himself as a Republican as a matter of egotistical convenience. ** [[w:Tom Nichols (academic)|Tom Nichols]], [http://thefederalist.com/2016/02/24/ill-take-hillary-clinton-over-donald-trump/ "I'll Take Hillary Clinton Over Donald Trump"] (24 February 2016), ''The Federalist'' * Donald Trump is the most willfully ignorant man ever to hold the presidency. He does not understand even basic concepts of … well, almost anything. (Yesterday, he explained to a woman in Michigan that he would lower food prices by limiting food imports—in other words, by ''reducing the supply of food.'' Trump went to the Wharton School, where I assume “supply and demand” was part of the first-year curriculum.) He is insensate to anything that conflicts with his needs or beliefs, and briefing him on any topic is virtually impossible. ** [[w:Tom Nichols (academic)|Tom Nichols]], [https://www.theatlantic.com/newsletters/archive/2024/09/scientific-american-harris-endorsement-science-covid/679931/ ''Scientific American'' Didn’t Need to Endorse Anybody] (18 September 2024) * '''As you can imagine, [Pat] is an expert on politics and she predicts whenever you decide to run for office you will be a winner!''' ** [[Richard Nixon]], crediting his wife [[w:Pat Nixon|Pat Nixon]] in a letter to Trump in 1987, [https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/nixon-predicted-trump-success/ FACT CHECK: Did Richard Nixon Write a Letter Predicting Donald Trump’s Success in Politics?], ''[[w:Snopes|Snopes]]'', (May 18, 2017) *Have you ever argued with a toddler? Because if you have, you probably lost that argument, or you killed the toddler. Either way, you didn't win the argument, because you can't win an argument against a toddler. Toddlers will say the most outlandish shit. [...] Over the course of this election season, we've come to realize that president-elect Donald Trump might have the mind of a toddler. And if you think about it, it makes sense. He loves the same things that toddlers do. They like building things. They love attention, always grabbing things they're not supposed to. [...] You don't argue with a child if you want to win. Don't amplify the toddler's voice, because you'll just get trapped in the toddler's world. Rather, just keep asking the toddler to elaborate. Because logic is the downfall of every toddler. The point is to gently demoralize the toddler and smother his tantrums. And, as a bonus, stop him from delegitimizing the press. **[[Trevor Noah]], ''[[The Daily Show]]'', November 30, 2016. Quoted in ''[https://www.businessinsider.com/trevor-noah-trump-toddler-2016-11 Trevor Noah: How journalists really need to deal with Trump]'' (November 30, 2016) by Paul Schrodt, ''{{w|Business Insider}}'' * Donald Trump should be given the [[w:Presidential Medal of Freedom|Medal of Freedom]] for speaking his mind in such a bold, honest and straight-forward manner. ** [[Ted Nugent]], ''[https://web.archive.org/web/20150710040259/http://www.wnd.com/2015/07/give-trump-the-medal-of-freedom/ Give Trump the Medal of Freedom]'', ''{{w|WorldNetDaily}}'' (August 7, 2015). Quoted in ''[https://www.factcheck.org/2018/09/shaq-didnt-call-trump-the-best-president/ Shaq Didn’t Call Trump the 'Best President']'' (September 17, 2018) by Catherine Monk, ''{{w|FactCheck.org}}'' * Donald Trump comes closer than anyone else to being the archetype of the species; crossing genres, he exemplifies all the ways an asshole can capture our attention. ** {{citation | author = Geoffrey Nunberg | date = 2012-08-14 | title = [[w:Ascent of the A-Word|Ascent of the A-Word: Assholism, the First Sixty Years]] | location = New York | publisher = PublicAffairs | isbn = 978-1610391757 | pages = 164-165 }} *I'd like to take Donald Trump to Palestine,/set him free in the streets of Ramallah or Nablus/amidst all the winners who never gave up in sixty-/nine years./They'd like to make their country great again too,/if only their hands weren't tied by the weapons/our country donates. **[[Naomi Shihab Nye]] ''Voices in the Air'' (2018) === O === * [Americans have] a continuing normative commitment to the ideals of individual freedom and mobility, values that extend far beyond the issue of race in the American mind. The depth of this commitment may be summarily dismissed as the unfounded optimism of the average American—I may not be Donald Trump now, but just you wait; if I don't make it, my children will. ** [[Barack Obama]], in a 1991 law school paper called "Race and Rights Rhetoric", as quoted in ''Rising Star: The Making of Barack Obama'' (2017) by David Garrow, and reported in [https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/young-obama-said-the-american-dream-is-to-be-donald-trump "Young Obama Said the American Dream Is to Be Donald Trump", ''Vice'' (12 May 2017)] *We've got a debate inside the other party that is fantasy and schoolyard taunts and selling stuff like it's the Home Shopping Network. And then you've got the Republican establishment -- they're very exercised: We're shocked that somebody would be saying these things. We're shocked that somebody is fanning anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-Muslim sentiment. '''We're shocked! We're shocked that somebody could be loose with the facts. Or distort someone's record -- shocked... This is the guy, remember, who was sure that I was born in Kenya. Who just wouldn't let it go. And all this same Republican establishment, they weren't saying nothing. As long as it was directed at me, they were fine with it. They thought it was a hoot. Wanted to get his endorsement... What is happening in this primary is just a distillation of what's been happening inside their party for more than a decade.''' I mean, the reason that many of their voters are responding is because this is what's been fed through the messages they've been sending for a long time -- that you just make flat assertions that don't comport with the facts. That you just deny the evidence of science. That compromise is a betrayal. That the other side isn't simply wrong, or we just disagree, we want to take a different approach, but the other side is destroying the country, or treasonous. I mean, that's - look it up. That's what they've been saying. So they can't be surprised when somebody suddenly looks and says, you know what, I can do that even better. I can make stuff up better than that. I can be more outrageous than that. I can insult people even better than that. I can be even more uncivil. **Barack Obama on Trump, [https://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2016/03/14/remarks-president-dnc-reception-austin-tx March 2016] * I did hope, for the sake of our country, that Donald Trump might show some interest in taking the job seriously … But he never did. For close to four years now, he’s shown no interest in putting in the work; no interest in finding common ground; no interest in using the awesome power of his office to help anyone but himself and his friends; no interest in treating the presidency as anything but one more reality show that he can use to get the attention he craves. … Trump hasn’t grown into the job because he can’t. **Barack Obama on Trump, [https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2020/08/democratic-national-convention-kamala-harris-barack-obama 20 August 2020] * I like Donald Trump because he speaks from the heart. Make America Great Again is a great slogan. I would like to meet him. ** [[w:Family of Barack Obama#Malik_Obama|Malik Obama]], President Obama's half-brother, as quoted in [http://nypost.com/2016/07/24/why-obamas-half-brother-says-hell-be-voting-for-donald-trump/ "Why Obama's half-brother says he'll be voting for Donald Trump"] by Isabel Vincent, ''New York Post'' (24 July 2016) *Let's take a page from Donald Trump's book and ignore [[political correctness]] for a moment. If you support Trump, you support his sexist, bigoted and racist views. There are no ifs, ands or buts about it, and this is especially true for GOP party leaders, elected officials and even community leaders. Some have said things such as, 'I don't like Trump's history of demeaning women, but I think he will be good for the economy'. Sorry, you don't get a pass because you like one of his policy proposals. It's akin to saying, 'I supported Hitler for his tax plan'. And no, I'm absolutely not comparing Trump to Hitler. But Anne Frank's 86-year-old stepsister, Eva Schloss, who survived [[Auschwitz concentration camp|Auschwitz]], did just that a few weeks ago, telling ''Newsweek'' that Trump 'is acting like another Hitler by inciting racism'. **Dean Obeidallah, [http://www.edition.cnn.com/2016/02/24/opinions/support-trump-support-bigotry-obeidallah/index.html "A Vote For Trump Is A Vote"] (24 February 2016), ''CNN'', State of Georgia: Cable News Network *He lives in fear of going down the path his father went down, which was dementia, followed by Alzheimer's, into his 90s. And I think he's carried that burden forever. And watching how he answers questions now compared to Donald Trump and Trump 1.0, he slurs his words a little, he looks weary, he is slouched. **Timothy L. O'Brien, senior executive editor of Bloomberg Opinion and political analyst, quoted in [https://www.latintimes.com/trump-lives-fear-developing-dementia-alzheimers-like-his-father-political-analyst-claims-582332 Trump 'Lives in Fear' of Developing Dementia, Alzheimer's Like His Father, Political Analyst Claims] ''Latin Times'' (5 May 2025) *He’s not all that. And much less impressive in person than on [[television]], as well. **[[Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez]], [https://www.democracynow.org/2020/2/10/democracy_now_the_squad_sotu Interview] with Democracy Now (2020) *He said to me, "if you're ever caught cheating, you deny, deny, deny, and wear them out, and they will believe you eventually because you've denied so long." **Jack O'Donnell, former president of the Trump Plaza casino in Atlantic City, [https://www.nytimes.com/2019/04/26/us/politics/stephen-moore-donald-trump-sexual-misconduct.html Believing Him: For Trump, Sticking With Men Like Stephen Moore Is Nothing New] (26 April 2019), ''New York Times'' * <p>This young girl, {{w|Tara Conner}}, how old is she? 20? 21. She went out and she was partying. She's from Kentucky. She went to New York and she was hanging out at all the parties, and doing what [[Paris Hilton|Paris]] and [[Lindsay Lohan|Lindsay]] do — you know, dancing, whatever. And so he held a press conference to announce whether or not she was going to ''retain'' her ''crown''. And then she started to cry, going, "I just want to thank Donald for giving me a second chance." And there he is, hair looping, going ''[flipping hair over top of her head, imitating Trump]'' "Everyone deserves a second chance. I'm going to give her a second chance."</p><p>He annoys me on a multitude of levels. ''He's'' the moral authority? Left the first wife, had an affair. Left the second wife, had an affair. Had kids both times, but ''he's'' the moral compass for 20-year-olds in America. Donald, sit and spin, my friend! I don't enjoy him. No. No, no, no.</p> * He inherited a lot of money — wait a minute — and he's been bankrupt so many times where he didn't have to pay. But the people beneath him who he owed money to got shorted out of the money, but he got to again, try again and again. And you know what saved him the second time? After his father died, with ''that'' money, he paid off all his bankruptcy. This is not a self-made man. * I just think that this man is sort of like one of those, you know, snake oil salesmen in ''Little House on the Prairie''. ** Rosie O'Donnell, ''The View'' (2006), quoted in "[http://www.people.com/article/rosie-odonnell-addresses-donald-trump-attack-presidential-debate Rosie O'Donnell Hits Back at Donald Trump After Debate Bashing - and Calls Him an 'Orange Anus']", ''People'' ({{#formatdate:2016-09-27}}) ** Referring to Trump's announcement that he would give Miss USA 2006 a "second chance" after her substance abuse scandal. *This man just can't be [[w:President of the United States|president]]. They've got this button — this briefcase. He's going to find it. **[[P. J. O'Rourke]], alluding to the nuclear codes the commander-in-chief takes control of upon assuming office, [http://www.npr.org/2016/05/09/477339063/conservative-author-pj-orourke-reluctantly-backs-clinton May 7, 2016] on [[w:NPR|NPR]] * The [[w:Founding Fathers of the United States|Founding Fathers]] created a system of {{w|checks and balances}} to limit the power of the President, but it only works if someone fucking checks or balances. And if you don't, it's no longer on Trump, it's on you. Because when you've got the presidential equivalent of a five-year-old shitting on the salad bar of a {{w|Ruby Tuesdays}}, at some point you stop blaming the five-year-old, and you start blaming the people who are not stopping him. Stop that boy, that's what I am saying. Stop that boy, now. ** [[John Oliver]] during a piece on the aftermath of Trump's firing of FBI Director [[James Comey]] on his [[w:Last Week Tonight with John Oliver|Last Week Tonight]] show (14 May 2017) *in 2019, President Trump repeated the baseless conspiracy theory that I had committed immigration fraud, nearly three years after I thought I had answered it once and for all. **[[Ilhan Omar]] ''This is What America Looks Like'' (2021) * Now that he’s president-elect, you just hope that he can make the world a better place. He won fair and square. We have to give him a chance. There’s no need talking about recounts and this and that. ** [[Shaquille O'Neal]], as quoted in ''[https://www.factcheck.org/2018/09/shaq-didnt-call-trump-the-best-president/ Shaq Didn’t Call Trump the 'Best President']'' (September 17, 2018) by Catherine Monk, ''{{w|FactCheck.org}}'' *to me, Trump is more like [former Italian prime minister [Silvio] Berlusconi than like Hitler. Trump is many things. He is pampered, he is an immature man, he is a teenager craving unconditional, endless love from everybody. I don’t think he is fanatic. I’m not sure I would say about his vice president that he is not a fanatic, he probably is, but I don’t think Donald Trump strikes me as a fanatic. **[[Amos Oz]] [https://forward.com/culture/416752/amos-oz-in-final-q-a-israel-is-a-dream-come-true-and-as-a-dream-come-true/ interview with ''Forward''] (2018) === P === *I'm happy with what Trump has done, because he's totally blown up the media! All of a sudden, ‘BOOM!' That lack of caution and shooting from the hip. He's not a president, of course. He's not remotely a president. He has no political skills of any kind. He's simply an American citizen who is creating his own bully pulpit. ** [[Camille Paglia]], as quoted by Luke Morgan Britan, "[http://www.nme.com/blogs/nme-blogs/before-calling-taylor-swift-a-nazi-barbie-camille-paglia-laid-into-plenty-of-other-celebrities-765347#SFT3Db4CgkKHb7QH.99 Before Calling Taylor Swift A ‘Nazi Barbie', Camille Paglia Laid Into Plenty Of Other Celebrities]", NME.com, Dec 11, 2015; retrieved 15 September 2017 *Had Hillary won, everyone would have expected disappointed Trump voters to show a modicum of respect for the electoral results as well as for the historic ceremony of the inauguration, during which former combatants momentarily unite to pay homage to the peaceful transition of power in our democracy. But that was not the reaction of a vast cadre of Democrats shocked by Trump's win. In an abject failure of leadership that may be one of the most disgraceful episodes in the history of the modern Democratic party, [[Chuck Schumer]], who had risen to become the Senate Democratic leader after the retirement of [[Harry Reid]], asserted absolutely no moral authority as the party spun out of control in a nationwide orgy of rage and spite. Nor were there statesmanlike words of caution and restraint from two seasoned politicians whom I have admired for decades and believe should have run for president long ago—Senator [[Dianne Feinstein]] and Congresswoman [[Nancy Pelosi]]. How do Democrats imagine they can ever expand their electoral support if they go on and on in this self-destructive way, impugning half the nation as vile racists and homophobes?<br/>All of which brings us to the issue of Trump's performance to date. The initial conundrum was: could he shift from being the slashing, caustic ex-reality show star of the campaign to a more measured, presidential persona? Perhaps to the dismay of his diehard critics, Trump did indeed make that transition at the Capitol on inauguration morning, when he appeared grave and focused, palpably conveying a sense of the awesome burdens of the highest office. As for his particular actions as president, I am no fan of executive orders, which usurp congressional prerogatives and which I was already denouncing when Obama was constantly signing them (with very little protest, one might add, from the mainstream media). ** [[Camille Paglia]], as quoted by Johnathan V. Last, "[http://www.weeklystandard.com/camille-paglia-on-trump-democrats-transgenderism-and-islamist-terror/article/2008464 Camille Paglia: On Trump, Democrats, Transgenderism, and Islamist Terror]", The Weekly Standard, June 15, 2017 * Only one candidate's record of success proves he is the master of [[w:Trump: The Art of the Deal|the art of the deal]]... I'm here to support the next president of the United States, Donald Trump. ** [[Sarah Palin]], [http://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/sarah-palins-speech-endorsing-donald-trump-in-full-a6822771.html "Sarah Palin's speech endorsing Donald Trump in full"], ''Independent'' (20 January 2016) *With Donald Trump as the presumptive presidential nominee, we are witnessing a populist hijacking of one of the United States' great [[political parties]]... [R]ooted in [[ignorance]], [[prejudice]], fear and isolationism... This troubles me deeply as a Republican, but it troubles me even more as an American... Enough is enough... It's time to put country before party and say it together: Never Trump. ** [[Henry Paulson]], [https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/when-it-comes-to-trump-a-republican-treasury-secretary-says-choose-country-over-party/2016/06/24/c7bdba34-3942-11e6-8f7c-d4c723a2becb_story.html?hpid=hp_no-name_opinion-card-f%3Ahomepage%2Fstory "Choose country over party"] (24 June 2016), ''The Washington Post'', Washington, D.C., as quoted in [http://www.cbsnews.com/news/donald-trump-henry-paulson-op-ed-hillary-clinton-election-2016/ ''CBS News''] (June 2016) *Trump has made a living out of preying on and bullying society's most vulnerable, with the help of government. He isn't an outsider, but rather an unelected politician of the worst kind. He admits that he's bought off elected officials in order get his way and to openly abuse the system. The rabid defense he gets from some quarters is astonishing. Trump's liberal positions aren't in the distant past—he has openly promoted them on the campaign trail. Trump isn't fighting for anyone but himself, which has been his pattern for decades. Conservatives have a serious decision. Do we truly believe in our long-held principles and insist that politicians have records demonstrating fealty to them? Or are we willing to throw these principles away because an entertainer who has been a liberal Democrat for decades simply says some of the right things? ** {{w|Katie Pavlich}}, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination "Conservatives Against Trump"] (21 January 2016), ''National Review'' * Observing his behavior, I have concluded that he is like the man who refuses to ask for directions. * All of the answers are there. And yet the president continues to go down the wrong path and refuses to ask for directions from scientists who know better than any of us. ** [[Nancy Pelosi]], talking about the need for testing, contact tracing, treatment, social distancing, masking and equipment for handling the Coronavirus pandemic, as quoted by Marisa Schultz, [https://www.foxnews.com/politics/pelosi-compares-trump-to-the-man-who-refuses-to-ask-for-directions "Pelosi compares Trump to 'the man who refuses to ask for directions'"], July 17 2020, <i>CNN</i> * We might get somebody of his ilk who's sane, and that would really be dangerous, because it could be who's smart, who's strategic, and the rest. This is a slob. He doesn't believe in science. He's a snake-oil salesman. And he's shrewd. Give him credit for his shrewdness. ** [[Nancy Pelosi]], as quoted by Carol Leonnig and Philip Rucker, ''I Alone Can Fix It: Donald J. Trump's Catastrophic Final Year'' (2021), p. 6 * Donald Trump and I believe that Captain [[w:Humayun S. M. Khan|Humayun Khan]] is an American hero and his family, like all Gold Star families, should be cherished by every American. Captain Khan gave his life to defend our country in the global war on terror. Due to the disastrous decisions of Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton, a once stable Middle East has now been overrun by ISIS. This must not stand. By suspending immigration from countries that have been compromised by terrorism, rebuilding our military, defeating ISIS at its source and projecting strength on the global stage, we will reduce the likelihood that other American families will face the enduring heartbreak of the Khan family. ** [[Mike Pence]], about the statements of Donald Trump on the fallen Captain {{w|Humayun S. M. Khan}}'s family — [https://www.facebook.com/mikepence/posts/10153921668637862 Facebook, July 31, 2016] * It really is remarkable to think about the progress the American people have made over the last several months. When the president tapped me to lead the [[White House Coronavirus Task Force]], he gave us the first objective is to save lives. And to focus on slowing the spread, [[w:Flattening the curve|bending the curve]]. [...] Secondly, the president made it clear to us that we were to make sure the [[w:Impact of the COVID-19 pandemic on hospitals|hospitals]] in impacted areas had the resources and the [[w:COVID-19 pandemic in the United States#Medical supplies|equipment]] that they needed to be able to save as many lives as possible. ** [[Mike Pence]], in an interview with {{w|Chuck Todd}} at ''{{w|Meet the Press}}'' (April 19, 2020). [https://www.nbcnews.com/meet-the-press/meet-press-april-19-2020-n1187411 Transcript online] at ''{{w|NBCNews.com}}'' * The president has made it clear that we want the governors to implement testing and deploy testing where they deem it's most appropriate in their state, we're going to continue to fully partner with states around the country to increase the supply, to make sure that they have the reagents and the test kits necessary to perform those tests. But I want to say again, it is truly -- it's a tribute to the president's leadership that early on in this process he brought in the top commercial labs in the country. They formed an alliance. And we went from one month ago to 80,000 tests being done to four million tests being completed as of yesterday. We'll continue to increase that. We'll continue to make governors aware of that. ** [[Mike Pence]], in an interview with {{w|Chuck Todd}} at ''{{w|Meet the Press}}'' (April 19, 2020). [https://www.nbcnews.com/meet-the-press/meet-press-april-19-2020-n1187411 Transcript online] at ''{{w|NBCNews.com}}'' * I've seen that report in the papers this morning. And I know that [[w:United States Department of Health and Human Services|HHS]] is making inquiries. But we believe those issues were resolved on that particular test by early February. But it's important for your viewers to know that that test, the slow lab-based test that is typical for [[CDC]] and {{w|public health}} labs would never have been able to meet the needs of testing in this coronavirus epidemic. That's why President Trump was so right when he brought together these commercial labs and formed a consortium. And literally took us from -- at that time in February we had done some 20,000 tests total across the country. Now we've done more than four million and we believe we'll have done more than five million tests before the end of this month. None of that would have been possible without the president's leadership, without the innovation, without the incredible efforts of companies like [[w:Roche Diagnostics|Roche]] and [[w:Avid Technology|Avid Laboratories]]. ** [[Mike Pence]] on a [[w:Food and Drug Administration|FDA]]'s report stating that CDC's initial test was faulty, in an interview with {{w|Chuck Todd}} at ''{{w|Meet the Press}}'' (April 19, 2020). [https://www.nbcnews.com/meet-the-press/meet-press-april-19-2020-n1187411 Transcript online] at ''{{w|NBCNews.com}}'' * The American people can be confident that this president wants [[w:Trump administration communication during the COVID-19 pandemic#Lifting restrictions|to reopen]] the American economy as soon as we can safely and responsibly do it. ** [[Mike Pence]], in an interview with {{w|Chuck Todd}} at ''{{w|Meet the Press}}'' (April 19, 2020). [https://www.nbcnews.com/meet-the-press/meet-press-april-19-2020-n1187411 Transcript online] at ''{{w|NBCNews.com}}'' * I wrote the scripture reference, which is 2 Corinthians 3:17, which is how it's written, I'm guilty as charged. That's exactly what I did. I sent him a couple of suggestions of some things he could talk about as a connection point. <br /> It shows that he's not familiar with Bible, Donald Trump's a very interesting guy. There are some things about him that I find fascinating, that I like about him, as well as other evangelicals. ** [[w:Tony Perkins (politician)|Tony Perkins]], in an interview with {{w|CNN}}'s {{w|Erin Burnett}} on ''[[w:Erin Burnett OutFront|OutFront]]'', about Trump saying "two Corinthians" instead of "Second Corinthians" during a speech at Liberty University. [http://edition.cnn.com/2016/01/20/politics/donald-trump-tony-perkins-sarah-palin/] (January 22, 2016) * He offers a barking carnival act that can be best described as Trumpism: a toxic mix of demagoguery, mean-spiritedness and nonsense that will lead the Republican Party to perdition if pursued... Let no one be mistaken: Donald Trump's candidacy is a cancer on conservatism, and it must be clearly diagnosed, excised and discarded. ... Donald Trump is the modern-day incarnation of the {{w|Know Nothing}} movement. ** [[Rick Perry]], campaign event, Willard Hotel, {{#formatdate:2015-07-22}}, quoted in {{citation | date = 2015-07-22 | title = Perry: Trump's campaign ‘a barking carnival act' and ‘a cancer on conservatism' | first = Jose A. | last = DelReal | newspaper = The Washington Post | url = http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/post-politics/wp/2015/07/22/rick-perry-donald-trumps-campaign-a-barking-carnival-act-and-a-cancer-on-conservatism/ }} * I don't know how far Trump will go. But in giving confidence to the American people and exposing establishment hypocrisy, he has already done a great service for our country. ** [[w:Jesse Lee Peterson|Jesse Lee Peterson]], [http://www.wnd.com/2015/09/cowards-join-forces-to-attack-the-bully/ "Cowards join forces to attack the 'bully'"], ''[[w:WorldNetDaily|WND]]'' (21 September 2015) *To most of us, the American presidential campaign is a media freak show, in which Donald Trump is the arch villain. But Trump is loathed by those with power in the United States for reasons that have little to do with his obnoxious behaviour and opinions. To the invisible government in Washington, the unpredictable Trump is an obstacle to America’s design for the 21st century...To the militarists in Washington, the real problem with Trump is that, in his lucid moments, he seems not to want a war with Russia; he wants to talk with the [[President of Russia|Russian president]], not fight him; he says he wants to talk with the president of China. In the first debate with Hillary Clinton, Trump promised not to be the first to introduce nuclear weapons into a conflict. He said, “I would certainly not do first strike. Once the nuclear alternative happens, it’s over.” That was not news... what is clear is that Trump is considered a serious threat to the status quo maintained by the vast national security machine that runs the United States, regardless of who is in the White House. The CIA wants him beaten. The Pentagon wants him beaten. The media wants him beaten. Even his own party wants him beaten. He is a threat to the rulers of the world – unlike Clinton who has left no doubt she is prepared to go to war with nuclear-armed Russia and China... Without a shred of evidence, she has accused Russia of supporting Trump and hacking her emails. **[[John Pilger]], [http://www.informationclearinghouse.info/article45752.htm Inside the Invisible Government: War, Propaganda, Clinton & Trump], ''Information Clearing House'', October 28, 2016 *The coming war on [[China]] is likely to happen by mistake or accident as a result of deliberate provocations by the US and its echoes. Under cover of the pandemic, the Trump regime is sending strategic bombers and spy drones within sight of China itself. Our silence is our peril. **[[John Pilger]], [https://twitter.com/johnpilger/status/1273141084500250625 Twitter] (17 June 2020) *Trump is an unbalanced force. He is the politicized American id. Should his election results match his polls, he would be, unquestionably, the worst thing to happen to the American common culture in my lifetime. ** {{w|John Podhoretz}}, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination "Conservatives Against Trump"] (21 January 2016), ''{{w|National Review}}''. *Donald Trump was so awful, so horrible, so disgusting... His lies, his distortions, his deceits, and his libels thicker and fouler than they've yet been... Since he began running he has demonstrated he knows things we don't know about the emotions roiling in the American underbelly. Maybe he knows this too... He interrupts, he yells over them, he insults them, he goes over his allotted time, and the whirlwind he creates turns into a vacuum that sucks all the air out of the place and right into his attention-whore lungs. ** {{w|John Podhoretz}}, [http://nypost.com/2016/02/13/trump-was-out-of-control-in-south-carolina-debate/ "Trump was out of control in South Carolina debate"] (13 February 2016), ''{{w|New York Post}}''. * There is no comparison between the stance of Vietnam’s [[w:Nguyen Xuan Phuc|Prime Minister Nguyen Xuan Phuc]] and U.S. President [[Donald Trump]]: the former had a sober, [[science]]-based attitude, while the latter has consistently laughed off the coronavirus as a simple flu as recently as June 24. ** [[Vijay Prashad]] in [https://consortiumnews.com/2020/07/16/covid-19-why-laos-vietnam-china-have-beaten-the-virus-and-india-brazil-and-the-us-have-not/ COVID-19: Why Laos, Vietnam & China Have Beaten the Virus and India, Brazil and the US Have Not, ''Consortium News''] (16 July 2020) * It’s not surprising that a criminal like Trump pardons other criminals. But apparently to get a pardon, one has to be either a Republican, a convicted child murderer or a turkey. ** Senior US District Judge Robert Pratt of the Southern District of Iowa, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-12-30 |title='A criminal like Trump': Federal judge ridicules President's pardons | author= Ryan J. Foley | periodical=The Sydney Morning Herald | url=https://www.smh.com.au/world/north-america/a-criminal-like-trump-federal-judge-in-iowa-ridicules-trump-s-pardons-20201230-p56qrs.html}} * Donald Trump and his top [[Republican Party (United States)|Republican]] allies in [[w:115th United States Congress|Congress]] are fighting a war, and the battle lines have begun to clarify themselves. Their war is not being waged against [[COVID-19]], the [[COVID-19 pandemic|pandemic]] that has [[COVID-19 pandemic deaths|killed]] tens of thousands [[COVID-19 pandemic in the United States|in this nation]] alone. Their war is being waged against the nation itself, and specifically against areas of the nation that are heavy on [[w:Demographics of the United States|population]] but light on Trump supporters. In other words, the big-city [[w:Red states and blue states|blue states]], whose [[w:Governor (United States)|governors]] have refused to fawn over Trump's gibberish-flecked "leadership" during this crisis. ** [[William Rivers Pitt]], ''[https://truthout.org/articles/trump-and-mcconnell-arent-waging-war-on-covid-theyre-waging-war-on-us/ Trump and McConnell Aren’t Waging War on COVID. They’re Waging War on Us.]'' (April 28, 2020), ''{{w|Truthout}}'' * Trump has been treating the delivery of [[w:U.S. federal government response to the COVID-19 pandemic#Speculative proposals|federal aid]] to the states like his own personal {{w|spoils system}}: rewarding loyalty, punishing critics, and demanding to be praised for doing his job whenever he actually does it, but especially when he doesn't. ** [[William Rivers Pitt]], ''[https://truthout.org/articles/trump-and-mcconnell-arent-waging-war-on-covid-theyre-waging-war-on-us/ Trump and McConnell Aren’t Waging War on COVID. They’re Waging War on Us.]'' (April 28, 2020), ''{{w|Truthout}}'' * If you don’t pay your bills, your bank account stays full. It’s a trick Trump learned a long time ago. ** [[William Rivers Pitt]], ''[https://truthout.org/articles/trump-and-mcconnell-arent-waging-war-on-covid-theyre-waging-war-on-us/ Trump and McConnell Aren’t Waging War on COVID. They’re Waging War on Us.]'' (April 28, 2020), ''{{w|Truthout}}'' * Trump and McConnell know these states are reopening too soon, but they don’t care, because they need to make the money happy. [...] The utter cruelty of these tactics, the nihilistic self-destruction of it in the face of more than 55,000 dead and thousands more to follow, has scarce precedent in the annals of [[U.S. politics]]. Instead of helping the entire country in this time of grievous crisis, Trump and McConnell are putting their boots to the neck of every state they deem ideologically unfit. It will be a damn miracle if the nation survives this, and them. ** [[William Rivers Pitt]], ''[https://truthout.org/articles/trump-and-mcconnell-arent-waging-war-on-covid-theyre-waging-war-on-us/ Trump and McConnell Aren’t Waging War on COVID. They’re Waging War on Us.]'' (April 28, 2020), ''{{w|Truthout}}'' * Mr. Trump, I know you take your business seriously, and I take mine seriously. I hereby hold you in [[civil contempt]] ** Presiding judge [https://www.cbc.ca/news/world/ny-trump-organization-contempt-1.6430134 Donald Trump found in contempt of court in New York civil case] (Apr 25, 2022) *People imnitate Autistic hand flapping when they want to imply a disabled person is stupid, annoying, or out of control. Donald Trump famously did a cruel imitation of hand flapping during his 2016 campaign, while criticizing a physically disabled reporter. **[[Devon Price]] ''Unmasking [[Autism]]: Discovering the New Faces of Neurodiversity'' (2022) [[File:Vladimir Putin (2020-02-20).jpg|thumb|He's a really brilliant and talented person, without any doubt. It's not our job to judge his qualities, that's a job for American voters, but he's the absolute leader in the presidential race. ~ [[Vladimir Putin]]]] * '''He's a really brilliant and talented person, without any doubt. It's not our job to judge his qualities, that's a job for American voters, but he's the absolute leader in the presidential race.''' ** [[Vladimir Putin]], as quoted in [http://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/news/263555-putin-praises-trump-hes-a-really-brilliant-and-talented-person "Putin praises Trump: 'He's a really brilliant and talented person'"] by Neetzan Zimmerman, ''The Hill'' (17 December 2015) === R === * Donald Trump lost the election fair and square. ** [[w:Brad Raffensperger|Brad Raffensperger]], Republican and top voting official in Georgia, quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2021/sep/25/trump-rally-perry-georgia-republican-raffensperger-herschel-walker "‘He knows he lost’: Georgia Republican braces for Trump rally in Perry"], the Guardian, 25 sept 2021 * There are [[w:Hydroxychloroquine#Side effects|side effects]] to [[hydroxychloroquine]]. It causes psychiatric symptoms, cardiac problems and a host of other bad side effects. [...] There may be a role for it for some people, but to tell Americans ‘you don’t have anything to lose,’ that’s not true. People certainly have something to lose by taking it indiscriminately. ** [[Megan Ranney]], in response to Trump's statement on using the drug as treatment for [[coronavirus disease 2019]] (COVID-19. Quoted in ''[https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/05/us/politics/trump-hydroxychloroquine-coronavirus.html Ignoring Expert Opinion, Trump Again Promotes Use of Hydroxychloroquine]'' (April 5, 2020) by [[Michael Crowley (journalist)|Michael Crowley]], Katie Thomas and [[Maggie Haberman]], ''{{w|The New York Times}}''. *Your reminder that America's richest 1 percent now own half the value of the U.S. stock market. The richest 10 percent own 92 percent. So when Trump says the stock market is the economy, know who he's really talking about. **[[Robert Reich]], [https://twitter.com/RBReich/status/1279924108411596802 Twitter,] (5 Jul 2020) *As the pandemic surges back, Trump and his lackeys have: :—Tried to dismantle the Affordable Care Act :—Rallied to pass a $740,000,000,000 defense spending bill :—Declined extending additional unemployment benefits to out-of-work Americans :Their priorities are crystal clear. :*[[Robert Reich]], [https://twitter.com/RBReich/status/1279957396115390466 Twitter,] (5 Jul 2020) * You may not agree with his authenticity but he's authentic. People like that. He speaks his mind, which reminds me of me once in a while. I think that's something that's refreshing. ** [[Harry Reid]], as quoted in [http://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/news/269202-reid-praises-trump-for-being-authentic "Reid praises Trump for being 'authentic'"] by Rebecca Savransky, ''The Hill'' (11 February 2016) *He presents himself as a Strong Man who promises to knock heads and make things right again. In this, he has a lot more in common with South American populist demagogues than with our tradition of political leaders... The middle-class consensus in America has collapsed. This is the most important political and social earthquake since [[World War II]]. The conservative movement's leadership isn't up to the challenge, and a good number of voters are willing to gamble on Trump's bluster. Bad bet. Our nation's solidarity is being tested. It will only make things worse if we go Trumpster diving. **R.R. Reno, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination "Conservatives Against Trump"] (21 January 2016), ''National Review''. * For anyone to compare their 'sacrifice' to a [[w:Service flag|Gold Star]] family member is insulting, foolish and ignorant. Especially someone who has never served himself and has no children serving, our county has been at war for a decade and a half and the truth is most Americans have sacrificed nothing. Most of them are smart and grounded enough to admit it. ** [[w:Paul Rieckoff|Paul Rieckoff]], in response to Trump's comparison of his sacrifices with those of someone like [[Khizr M. Khan]] — ''[http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/donald-trump-father-fallen-soldier-ive-made-lot/story?id=41015051 Donald Trump to Father of Fallen Soldier: 'I've Made a Lot of Sacrifices']'', ''{{w|ABC News}}'' (July 30, 2016) * The most mentally ill human being in America right now seems to be the president. ** Rihanna, pop singer, quoted in [https://www.vanityfair.com/style/2023/02/donald-trump-rihanna-super-bowl-halftime-performance-epic-fail-truth-social "Donald Trump Calls Rihanna's Super Bowl Halftime Performance an 'Epic Fail'"], Vanity Fiar, 13 February 2023 * He is a successful man for a reason. He's actually created a dialogue [and] forced conversations. He has gotten more people engaged in the political process and current events and what's going on in the world than anyone else has for a long time. More people are engaged than ever before. I think whether you agree with Donald or you don't agree with Donald, he starts conversations. That's what democracy is — you've got to get people engaged to make this country run. ** {{w|Melissa Rivers}}, as quoted in [http://thehill.com/blogs/in-the-know/in-the-know/262626-melissa-rivers-trump-is-a-successful-man-for-a-reason "Melissa Rivers: Trump is ‘a successful man for a reason'"] by Mark Hensch, ''The Hill'' (9 December 2015) * With all his talent, and the ability to raise money and draw large crowds, the President still lives in an alternate reality. He really does. People say, 'Well he lies about this, that and the other.' But he isn't lying. To him, that's the truth. ** Pat Robertson, televangelist, as quoted in [https://edition.cnn.com/2020/12/22/politics/pat-robertson-trump-2020-election/index.html "Televangelist Pat Robertson says Trump lives in an 'alternate reality' and should move on from election loss"] by Veronica Stracqualursi and Jason Hoffman, ''CNN'' (22 December 2020) *If Donald Trump's plans were ever implemented, the country would sink into prolonged recession.<br>A few examples: His proposed 35 percent tariff-like penalties would instigate a trade war and that would raise prices for consumers, kill export jobs, and lead entrepreneurs and businesses to flee America…. So even though Donald Trump has offered very few specific economic plans, what little he has said is enough to know that he would be very bad for American workers and American families.<br>But wait, you say, isn't he a huge business success? Doesn't he know what he's talking about? No he isn't. And no he doesn’t….<br>Now not every policy that Donald Trump has floated is bad. He wants to repeal and replace Obamacare. He wants to bring jobs home from China and Japan. But his prescriptions to do those things are flimsy at best.<br>…Successfully bringing jobs home requires serious policy and reforms that make America the place businesses want to come, want to plant and want to grow. You can't punish business into doing what you want. **[[Mitt Romney]], from the transcript [https://www.voanews.com/a/text-of-speech-mitt-romney-slams-republican-front-runner-donald-trump/3218186.html Text of Speech: Mitt Romney Slams Republican Front-runner Donald Trump] ''VOA'', 3 March 2016[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eXbZq5tFhlc] * He has by far the largest voice and a big impact in my party. I don't know if he's planning to run in 2024 or not, but if he does, I'm pretty sure he would win the nomination. ** [[Mitt Romney]], as quoted in [https://edition.cnn.com/2021/02/24/politics/mitt-romney-donald-trump-gop-2024/index.html "What Mitt Romney gets *exactly* right about Donald Trump"], Chris Cillizza, CNN, 25 February 2021 * Dishonesty is Trump's hallmark: He claimed that he had spoken clearly and boldly against going into Iraq. Wrong, he spoke in favor of invading Iraq. He said he saw thousands of Muslims in New Jersey celebrating [[9/11]]. Wrong, he saw no such thing. He imagined it. His is not the temperament of a stable, thoughtful leader. His imagination must not be married to real power.<br>We have long referred to him as "The Donald." He is the only person in America to whom we have added an article before his name. It wasn't because he had attributes we admired. ** [[Mitt Romney]], remarks on Donald Trump and the 2016 race at the {{w|University of Utah}}. [http://www.politico.com/story/2016/03/full-transcript-mitt-romneys-remarks-on-donald-trump-and-the-2016-race-220176] (March 3, 2016) *It's impossible to ignore the conspicuous regularity with which Donald Trump issues intentionally provocative, news-cycle-dominating comments. It's equally difficult to look past their timing, which tends to often coincide with scandalous revelations that reflect poorly on Democratic politicians... This is far from an isolated event; it's a pattern. First, a Democrat becomes embroiled in a controversy or an external event reflects negatively on the party. Donald Trump then makes an outrageous comment calculated for maximum political impact. Like clockwork, the press abandons their critical examination of Democratic policies, and Republicans are back at each other's throats. This is a measurable phenomenon. In just the last six months, there are almost too many examples to count. **Noah Rothman, [https://www.commentarymagazine.com/politics-ideas/campaigns-elections/many-times-donald-trump-rescued-democrats/ "The Many Times Trump Rescued Dems"] (8 December 2015), ''Commentary'' * Mr. Trump lacks the focus or self-discipline to do the basic work required of a president. His chronic impulsiveness is apparently unstoppable and clearly self-defeating. ** [[Karl Rove]], Republican strategist, [https://www.wsj.com/articles/political-death-by-1-000-tweets-1496875182 Political Death by 1,000 Tweets], in the {{W|Wall Street Journal}}, June 7, 2017 * Donald Trump, champion and avatar of the shallow state, has won power because his supporters are threatened by what they don't understand, and what they don't understand is almost everything. Indeed, from evolution to data about our economy to the science of vaccines to the threats we face in the world, they reject vast subjects rooted in fact in order to have reality conform to their worldviews. They don't dig for truth; they skim the media for anything that makes them feel better about themselves. To many of them, knowledge is not a useful tool but a cunning barrier elites have created to keep power from the average man and woman. The same is true for experience, skills, and know-how. These things require time and work and study and often challenge our systems of belief. Truth is hard; shallowness is easy. ** [[w:David Rothkopf|David Rothkopf]], [http://foreignpolicy.com/2017/02/22/the-shallow-state-trump/ "The Shallow State,"] Foreign Policy, February 22, 2017. * I think it's time for a war president. Republicans, conservatives and [[Christianity|Christians]], and capitalist, any who love [[capitalism]], any who loves America, patriots, I think we need a war president and I think God sent us someone named Donald Trump, I think he's perfect for this election. We needed someone who is a bit coarse and foul-mouthed and vicious and fights with a gun in a gunfight, not with a knife in a gun fight. ** {{w|Wayne Allyn Root}} [https://soundcloud.com/rightwingwatch/wayne-allyn-root-donald-trump-is-a-vicious-vengeful-foul-mouthed-war-president-sent-by-god] (August 8, 2016) * Voldemort was nowhere near as bad. ** [[J. K. Rowling]], [https://twitter.com/jk_rowling/status/674196610683940864 ''Twitter'' post] (December 8, 2015), as cited in [https://www.theguardian.com/books/2015/dec/08/jk-rowling-on-donald-trump-voldemort-was-nowhere-as-bad "JK Rowling on Donald Trump: 'Voldemort was nowhere as bad'"], ''The Guardian'' (December 8, 2015) *Trump made no comment on the horror swirling around him. Instead he conferred on [[Narendra Modi]], the most divisive, hateful political figure in modern India, the title "Father of the Nation." Until recently, this was [[Gandhi]]'s title. I am no fan of Gandhi, but surely, even he did not deserve this. **[[Arundhati Roy]], about Trump's visit to [[India]] during the [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2020_Delhi_riots 2020 Delhi Riots]. Introduction to ''Azadi: Freedom, Fascism, Fiction'' (2020) === S === [[File:Bernie Sanders.jpg|thumb|Donald Trump...his entire political strategy is to divide the American people...So you have a president who gives tax breaks to billionaires...who tried to throw 32 million people off health care...who gave 83 percent of the tax benefits to the top one percent...So how do you win an election? What do you say — You see those undocumented people, they all your enemy. 'Stand with me. Hate them. Let's divide this country up.' ~ [[Bernie Sanders]] ]] [[File:Ahmed al-Sharaa in July 2025.jpg|thumb|I see him as a man of peace. We’ve both been shot at by the same enemy. Trump understands leverage, strength, and outcomes. ~ [[Ahmed al-Sharaa]]]] *What '''[Donald Trump]''' is doing and this is '''his entire political strategy is to divide the American people''' up based on where we came...'''So you have a president who gives tax breaks to [[Billionaire|billionaires]]''' and wants to cut Medicare, Medicaid and Social Security. That's not what he's going to run on. You've got a president '''who tried to throw 32 million people off health care'''. He ain't gonna run on that one. You got a president '''who gave 83 percent of the tax benefits to the top one percent''', not going to run on that one. '''So how do you win an election? What do you say — You see those undocumented people, they all your enemy. 'Stand with me. Hate them. Let's divide this country up.'''' I think that is an incredibly ugly and dangerous thing to be done. And I will do everything I can to stop that." **[https://www.newsweek.com/stand-me-hate-them-bernie-sanders-says-trumps-reelection-plan-based-dividing-country-1445407 ''Stand With Me. Hate Them: Bernie Sanders says Trump's Relection Plan is Based on Dividing the Country, Newsweek,'' Chris Morran] (23 June 2019) *Attacks on oil tankers in the Gulf of Oman are unacceptable and must be fully investigated... but this incident must not be used as a pretext for a war with Iran, a war which would be an unmitigated disaster for the United States, Iran, the region, and the world... The time is now for the United States to exert international leadership,... and bring the countries in the region together to forge a diplomatic solution to the growing tensions...I would also remind President Trump that there is no congressional authorization for a war with Iran... A unilateral U.S. attack on Iran would be illegal and unconstitutional. ** [[Bernie Sanders]], [https://www.commondreams.org/news/2019/06/14/trump-must-not-be-allowed-use-gulf-oman-incidents-pretext-illegal-war-iran-bernie ''Trump Must Not Be Allowed to Use Gulf of Oman Incidents as 'Pretext for Illegal War With Iran': Bernie Sanders, Common Dreams'', Andrea Germanos,] (14 June 2019) * I think that the American people are never going to elect a president who insults [[Mexicans]], who insults [[Muslims]], who insults women, who insults [[African-American]]s. And let us not forget that several years ago, Trump was in the middle of the so- called [[w:Barack Obama citizenship conspiracy theories|birther movement]], trying to delegitimize the president of the United States of America. You know, I find it very interesting, Karen, my dad was born in [[Poland]]. I know a little bit about the immigrant experience. Nobody has ever asked me for my birth certificate. Maybe it has something to do with the [[color]] of my skin.<br>In this country, [[immigration]] reform is a very hot [[debate]]. It's divided the country. But I would [[hope]] very much, that as we have that debate, we do not, as Donald Trump and others have done, resort to [[racism]] and [[xenophobia]] and [[bigotry]]. '''This idea of suddenly, one day or maybe a night, rounding up 11 million people and taking them outside of this country is a vulgar, absurd idea that I would hope very few people in America support.'''<br>When you have Republican candidates for president and in Congress telling you that climate change is a hoax, which is Donald Trump and other candidates' position, what they are really saying is, we don't have the guts to take on the fossil fuel industry. ... You know what happens to that Republican who listens to the scientists? On that day, that Republican loses his campaign funding from the [[w:Koch family|Koch brothers]] and the fossil fuel industry. ** [[Bernie Sanders]], Democratic Presidential Debate in Miami. [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/03/10/us/politics/transcript-democratic-presidential-debate.html?_r=0 transcript] by ''{{w|The New York Times}}'' (March 9, 2016) * Donald Trump is a pathological liar. ** [[Bernie Sanders]], [https://twitter.com/BernieSanders/status/779795585641615360] (September 24, 2016) *America you were never great./Are you fake news?/America this is the impression I get after feeding from Trump's/Twitter trough. **[[Craig Santos Perez]] "This Changes Everything" in ''habitat threshold'' (2020) * Yes, we must donate and volunteer and protest and vote, all while reminding ourselves daily that [[Hillary Clinton]] won the popular vote. And we must commit to defending our friends, neighbors, and coworkers who are immigrants (documented or not), Muslims (American born, immigrants, or refugees), people of color, women seeking reproductive health care, trans men and women seeking safety, lesbian and gay men seeking to protect their families, and everyone and everything else Trump has threatened to harm, up to and including the planet we all live on. : But we must make time for [[joy]] and [[pleasure]] and [[laughter]] and [[friends]] and [[food]] and [[art]] and [[music]] and [[sex]]. During the darkest days of the [[HIV/AIDS]] epidemic, when Republicans and religious conservatives controlled the federal government and were doing everything in their power to harm the sick and dying, [[queer]]s organized and protested and volunteered and mourned. We also made music and theater and art. We took care of each other, and we danced and loved and fucked. Embracing joy and art and sex in the face of fear and uncertainty made us feel better—it kept us sane—and it had the added benefit of driving our enemies crazy. They couldn't understand how we could be anything but miserable, given the challenges we faced—their greed, their indifference, their bigotry—but we created and experienced joy despite their hatred and despite this awful disease. We turned to each other—we turned to our lovers and friends and sometimes strangers—and said, "Fuck them. Now fuck me." : [...] We may never eradicate racism and sexism and hatred. But fight it we will. And don't listen to anyone who tells you that music and dance and art and sex and joy are a distraction from the fight. They are a part of the fight. :* [[Dan Savage]], [http://www.thestranger.com/savage-love/2016/11/15/24691092/savage-love ''Mourning in America''], ''Savage Love'' column, ''The Stranger'', 15 November 2016 * [[Winston Churchill]] of our time. ** [[Michael Savage]] — {{citation | date = 2015-07-29 | title = Savage: Trump is 'Winston Churchill of our time' | newspaper = WND | url = http://www.wnd.com/2015/07/savage-trump-is-winston-churchill-of-our-time/ }} * I found that when I was briefing him, I had to put pictures of him in the briefing. When I put the pictures in, it was a good sign, and when I didn’t put the pictures in, you couldn’t get him to focus on it. * Here’s the bad news, though. Even if you got him to focus on it, he wouldn’t listen to you anyway because he’s so maniacally narcissistic. ** [[Anthony Scaramucci]], former White House Communications Director serving under Trump, as quoted by David Smith, {{citation | date = 2020-07-17 | title = 'The guy stinks and he’s a racist': Anthony Scaramucci on Donald Trump | newspaper = the Guardian | url = https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2020/jul/17/the-guy-stinks-and-hes-a-racist-anthony-scaramucci-on-donald-trump }} * No two people on this planet seem less concerned with criticism, more content with themselves, or more oblivious to the obscenity of the words they speak. ** Dave Schilling on Donald Trump and [[Sarah Palin]], [http://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2016/jan/20/sarah-palin-donald-trump-endorsement-speech-quotes "Apocalypse now: Sarah Palin's bizarre Trump endorsement analyzed"] (20 January 2016), ''The Guardian''. * He does look like he's the last hope [for America]. We don't hear anybody saying what he's saying. In fact, most of the people who ought to be lining up with him are attacking him. They're probably jealous of the amount of press coverage he gets. But the reason he gets so much press coverage is the grassroots are fed up with people who are running things, and they do want a change. They do want people to stand up for America. It really resonates when he says he wants to 'Make America Great Again.' ** [[Phyllis Schlafly]], as quoted in [http://www.wnd.com/2015/12/top-conservative-trump-is-last-hope-for-america/ "Phyllis Schlafly: Trump is 'last hope for America'"], ''WND'' (21 December 2015) * It [Trump University] was a classic bait-and-switch scheme ** State Attorney General [[w:Eric Schneiderman|Eric Schneiderman]] in [https://money.cnn.com/2016/03/08/news/trump-university-controversy-donald-trump/ Trump University controversy ... in 2 minutes] March 8, 2016 *If Donald Trump becomes the next [[President of the United States|president]] of [[United States|the U.S.]] it would be a complete disaster... I think he is acting like another Hitler by inciting racism... I remember how upset the world was when the Berlin Wall was erected in 1961 and now everybody is building walls again to keep people out. It's absurd. **Eva Schloss, Anne Frank's step-sister, [http://www.cnn.com/2016/01/27/politics/anne-frank-donald-trump-adolf-hitler/ interview with ''Newsweek''] (January 2016) *When that trial ends senators will have to decide if they believe Donald John Trump incited the erection **[[Chuck Schumer]] on [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9n4_3u1DQjc 22 January 2021] (also quoted by [https://www.thewrap.com/chuck-schumer-erection-freudian-slip-majority-leader The Wrap]) *I put lipstick on a pig. I feel a deep sense of remorse that I contributed to presenting Trump in a way that brought him wider attention and made him more appealing than he is. I genuinely believe that if Trump wins and gets the [[w:Gold Codes|nuclear codes]], there is an excellent [[possibility]] it will lead to the [[w:Global catastrophic risk|end of civilization]]. **[[Tony Schwartz (author)|Tony Schwartz]], as quoted in ''[https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2016/07/25/donald-trumps-ghostwriter-tells-all Donald Trump's Ghostwriter Tells All]'' (July 25, 2016) by {{w|Jane Mayer}}, ''{{w|The New Yorker}}''. * There are two Trumps. The one he presents to the [[world]] is all bluster, {{w|bullying}} and certainty. The other, which I have long felt haunts his inner world, is the [[frightened]] [[child]] of a relentlessly critical and bullying [[w:Fred Trump|father]] and a distant and disengaged [[w:Mary Anne MacLeod Trump|mother]] who couldn't or wouldn't protect him.<br>Trump's [[temperament]] and his habits have hardened with age. He was always cartoonish, but compared with the man for whom I wrote [[w:Trump: The Art of the Deal|The Art of the Deal]] 30 years ago, he is significantly [[angrier]] today: more reactive, deceitful, distracted, vindictive, impulsive and, above all, self-absorbed – assuming the last is possible.<br>Fear is the [[hidden]] through-line in Trump's [[life]] – fear of [[weakness]], of inadequacy, of [[failure]], of [[criticism]] and of insignificance. He has spent his life trying to outrun these fears by "[[winning]]" – as he puts it – and by redefining [[reality]] whenever the facts don't serve the narrative he seeks to create. It hasn't worked, but not for lack of effort.<br>Whatever happens, may the worst of Trump [[inspire]] the best in us. ** [[Tony Schwartz (author)]], ''[https://www.theguardian.com/global/commentisfree/2018/jan/18/fear-donald-trump-us-president-art-of-the-deal I wrote The Art of the Deal with Trump. He's still a scared child]'' (18 January 2018), ''{{w|The Guardian}}''. * Lying is second nature to him. More than anyone else I have ever met, Trump has the ability to convince himself that whatever he is saying at any given moment is true, or sort of true, or at least ought to be true. ** [[Tony Schwartz (author)]], ''[https://www.thejournal.ie/trump-ghostwriter-regrets-art-of-the-deal-2884723-Jul2016/ 'Lying is second nature to him': Trump's ghostwriter regrets penning Art of the Deal]'' (19 July 2016), ''{{w|TheJournal.ie}}''. * President Trump sought to overturn the results of an election, of a fair election. He sought a coup by misleading people with lies. * President Trump is a failed leader. He will go down in history as the worst President ever. ** Arnold Schwarzenegger, former Republican governor, quoted by {{citation | date = 2021-01-11 | title = Arnold Schwarzenegger calls Trump 'worst president' ever, 'failed leader' after Capitol riot | newspaper = abc7 | url = https://abc7.com/politics/arnold-schwarzenegger-calls-trump-worst-president-ever/9533922/ }}{{dead link}} * He is neither a strategist, nor is he schooled in the operational art, nor is he a tactician, nor is he a general, nor is he a soldier. Other than that, he's a great military man. ** [[Norman Schwarzkopf, Jr.]], in ''The New York Times'', February 28, 2017. * Trump wants to institute a ban that will keep all Muslims out of America... Of course such a ban will not come to pass. The Constitution forbids it. Republicans and Democrats oppose it. Even Israeli politicians, who have a far longer history of confronting terrorism, have chided him for equating Islam with terrorism... Republicans support Trump because he appears to be authentic, isn't afraid to tell it like it is and is not worried about being politically correct. I see the opposite. He isn't authentic, he is cynically opportunistic. ** Khosrow Semnani, [http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865643874/Trump7s-fear-mongering-threatens-Republican-Party.html?pg=all "My view: Trump's Fear-Mongering Threatens Republican Party"] (17 December 2015), ''Deseret News'' * Their cruelty made them feel good, it made them feel proud, it made them feel happy. And it made them feel closer to one another…Their shared laughter at the suffering of others is an adhesive that binds them to one another, and to Trump.<br>Donald Trump, whose uncritical support for Israel and belief that America is fundamentally a nation for white Christians exacerbates a divide between the two largest Jewish populations in the world. ** [[Adam Serwer]], The Cruelty Is the Point: The Past, Present, and Future of Trump's America (2021) *Trump and Barr let the biggest drug dealers in America off with a slap on the wrist. Law and Order indeed. **[[Adam Serwer]] 11/18/2020 on Twitter, responding to story about "the $8.3 billion settlement between the Justice Dept. and Purdue Pharma over its marketing of Oxycontin and other addictive opioids. Under the deal, the Sackler family will admit no wrongdoing and face no criminal charges." *And [then] you end up in idiocies like Donald Trump on stage waiving around a [[The Bible|Bible]], pretending he gives a damn what's in it. Right, after two marriages, and several adulterous affairs, and all that and bragging about having his experiences with married women; standing up there with a Bible and going 'this is an even better book than the odd of the deals'." ** {{w|Ben Shapiro}}, ''[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1rQ_mphb7HU Ben Shapiro on Gay Marriage, Gun Control, and Piers Morgan]'', The Rubin Report on ''{{w|YouTube}}''. (12:39 to 13:07) (February 18, 2016) * We know Hillary will be a terrible, hard-core ideological leftist; there is probably a 75 percent chance that Trump would govern less badly than Hillary. There is also a 25 percent chance that Trump would do something so catastrophically awful that he seriously harmed the country in ways Hillary wouldn't dream of. His trade policy alone could cast America back into recession; his foreign policy is a shambles. Any talk of him listening to advisers must be based on conjecture — so far, Trump hasn't just been a bull in a china shop, he's been a tank in a glass factory. ** {{w|Ben Shapiro}}, ''[http://www.nationalreview.com/article/438623/conservatisms-moral-crisis-defending-trumps-lies Conservatism's Sad and Ugly Transformation into Trumpism]'', ''{{w|National Review}}'' (August 3, 2016) *We have predicted nine of his last eight stumbles, and they have yet to all materialize... I think it's more than childish and juvenile and adolescent. There is something creepy about this, his attitude toward women. Take [[Megyn Kelly]] of FOX News, who he just has an absolute obsession about, and he's constantly writing about, you know, how awful she is and no talent and this and that. It's an obsession. And I don't know if he's just never had women — strong, independent women in his life who have spoken to him. It doesn't seem that way. His daughter... But there is something really creepy about this that's beyond locker room. It's almost like a stalker, and I just — I thought this was — it actually did the impossible. It made Ted Cruz look like an honorable, tough guy on the right side of an issue. ** Mark Shields, as quoted in [http://www.pbs.org/newshour/bb/shields-and-brooks-on-trump-cruz-wife-feud-isis-terror-in-brussels/ "Shields and Brooks on Trump-Cruz wife feud, ISIS terror in Brussels"] (25 March 2016), ''PBS NewsHour'' *The 2017 World Environment Day was dominated by US President Donald Trump walking out of the Paris agreement. What does Trump's arrogance imply for international obligations to protect the earth, for a future based on ecological justice, for sowing the seeds of earth democracy? **[[Vandana Shiva]] ''Oneness vs. the 1%: Shattering Illusions, Seeding Freedom'' (2018) * I've known Donald for a few decades, and what you can say without argument is that he's a good father. His kids have turned out really well. There's nothing bad you can say about that. ** [[Gene Simmons]], [http://radio.com/2016/07/06/gene-simmons-on-trump-hes-a-good-father/ Interview with ''Radio.com''] (July 6, 2016) * [Trump] is not someone who would rule justly or wisely. His track record shows that he is a man of coveting and self-serving – a liar and a cheat should not hold that position. ** Art Sisneros, Republican member of the Electoral College who resigned rather than vote for Trump.[https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2016/nov/30/faithless-electors-electoral-college-donald-trump Teen becomes seventh 'faithless elector' to protest Trump as president-elect] at ''{{w|the Guardian}}'', November 30 2016 * Quite simply: there never would have been a president Donald Trump without talkshow host [[Rush Limbaugh]] paving the way ** [[Michael Smerconish]] on [[CNN]] "[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DxF_SN2-zyc]" (February 20, 2021) *Before the 2016 election I dreaded a return to the Jim Crow era signaled by the slogan “Make America Great Again”, which obviously meant white. Tragically that is exactly what happened. Four more years is unthinkable. That is why I am working to elect President [[Bernie Sanders]]. **[[Barbara Smith]] [https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2020/feb/10/identity-politics-bernie-sanders-endorsement article] in ''The Guardian'' * For the first time in our Nation’s [[history]], a grand jury has charged a former President with committing [[crimes]] while in office to overturn an election that he lost. In response, the defendant claims that to protect the institution of the Presidency, he must be cloaked with absolute immunity from criminal prosecution unless the House impeached and the Senate convicted him for the same conduct. He is wrong. ** [[Jack Smith]], filing with United States Court of Appeals quoted in [https://www.rawstory.com/jack-smith-trump-immunity-appeal-filing/ ''RawStory''] December 30, 2023 * A great leader treats people with respect even when they present different opinions. Without a variety of views and opinions, we would have no innovation or creativity in our nation. Being a bully and being strong are not the same thing. Being strong is standing up for your convictions. Being a bully is trying to intimidate those who are perceived to be weaker or a threat. As a proud nerd, I had to deal with bullies over many years; it is tragedy watching our world suffer from one. In addition, President Trump lacks a moral compass. He ignores the truth. ** [[w:Rick Snyder|Rick Snyder]], Republican governor of Michigan from 2011 to 2018. [https://eu.usatoday.com/story/opinion/2020/09/03/rick-snyder-why-im-voting-joe-biden-even-republican-column/5696508002/ Former Michigan governor Rick Snyder: I am a Republican vote for Biden] at USA Today, September 3 2020 *It's very difficult to respond in a serious way to any statement that's made by Donald Trump. ** [[Edward Snowden]] in response to Trump calling Snowden "a total traitor" and "a bad guy" and saying "there is still a thing called execution." **"[http://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2015/sep/03/edward-snowden-hillary-clinton-email-server Edward Snowden says Hillary Clinton 'ridiculous' to think emails were secure]", ''The Guardian'' (3 September 2015) * Donald Trump is a thin-skinned reality TV star with an authoritarian streak. ** Robby Soave, [http://www.edition.cnn.com/2016/06/01/opinions/third-party-candidate-options-robby-soave/index.html "Don't fall for 'lesser of two evils' argument"] (1 June 2016), ''CNN'', State of Georgia: Cable News Network * He is, as of this writing, the most mocked man in the world. (...) He is the {{W|The Fisherman and His Wife|old fisherman's wife who wished for everything and sooner or later he will end up with nothing}}. **{{w|Rebecca Solnit}}, [http://lithub.com/rebecca-solnit-the-loneliness-of-donald-trump/ The Loneliness of Donald Trump], May 30, 2017 * Let me put this in language Donald Trump understands... You're a loser. You're a third-rate politician, who clearly doesn't understand issues, and is so scared of Megyn Kelly exposing it, that you're looking to use veterans to protect you from facing her questions. ** Jon Soltz, [https://www.yahoo.com/politics/veterans-to-trump-were-not-your-megyn-kelly-170202551.html ''VoteVets''] (January 2016) *Trump (and Bannon and other right-wing authoritarian leaders around the world) is often referred to as a "populist" because he displays faux concern for the working class and a resentment of science and education, but his policies are in fact grotesquely elitist. If by "populist" we mean whipping up resentment against immigrants and people of color, then we should say that. Otherwise, "populism" is just a lazy euphemism for racism. **[[Jen Sorensen]] ''Greetings from the Wasteland'' (2020) * Donald Trump is the son of a rich father, who was raised on money since he was a child. I grew up in wealth too. My father would jokingly warn me when I was a child, "Don’t be like Trump." ** {{w|Alexander Soros}}, interviewed by Nahum Barnea for {{w|YNet}}, [https://www.ynetnews.com/articles/0,7340,L-5241290,00.html "Why they hate George Soros"]. * Today’s decision to grant former Presidents criminal immunity reshapes the institution of the Presidency. It makes a mockery of the principle, foundational to our Constitution and system of Government, that no man is above the law. Relying on little more than its own misguided wisdom about the need for “bold and unhesitating action” by the President, ante, at 3, 13, the Court gives former President Trump all the immunity he asked for and more. Because our Constitution does not shield a former President from answering for criminal and treasonous acts, I dissent. ** [[Justice Sotomayor]] in Trump v. United States (July 2024) *In a country with more than 300 million people, it is remarkable how obsessed the media have become with just one—Donald Trump. What is even more remarkable is that, after seven years of repeated disasters, both domestically and internationally, under a glib egomaniac in the White House, so many potential voters are turning to another glib egomaniac to be his successor. **[[Thomas Sowell]], [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination "Conservatives Against Trump"] (21 January 2016), ''National Review''. * I had some friends over for dinner and we were of course talking about Trump. People are saying, we don't think Trump's going to be the nominee. I said, I'll tell you what: I think he is. I'll tell you why I think he's going to be the nominee: he's proven that no matter what he says, people dig him. ... I think more or less, people are super tired of politicians, meaning that they like the idea of a successful businessman running the country who might actually be able to get shit done. ** [[Howard Stern]] — as quoted in {{citation | date = 2015-08-24 | author = Matt Wilstein | title = Howard Stern Predicts Trump Will Be GOP Nominee: He 'Gets Sh*t Done' | newspaper = Mediaite.com | url = http://www.mediaite.com/online/howard-stern-predicts-trump-will-be-gop-nominee-he-gets-sht-done/ }} *His stance on Muslim immigration, which he would cease until the terror threat is brought under control, is racist. Trump does not care about the things that regular conservatives have dedicated their lives to fighting for: controls on abortion, protection of marriage, reform of the healthcare market. His inclination towards expanding the government and putting it on the side of his people isn't terribly constitutional. And his claim in a debate that the purpose of conservatism is to conserve wealth is spiritually impoverished. The Republican Party needs to stop him; and sooner rather than later. **Timothy Stanley, [http://www.edition.cnn.com/2016/02/10/opinions/donald-trump-republican-party-stanley/index.html "Donald Trump can win &ndash; and he must be stopped"] (10 February 2016), ''CNN'', State of Georgia: Cable News Network *In the past few months, a Republican front-runner has emerged who has praised Planned Parenthood, pushed elements of a big [[Government spending|spending]] agenda and questioned the [[Neoconservatism|neoconservative]] agenda. There's a case for saying that some or all of these were in need of analysis and revision. But Trump has taken a wrecking ball to the American conservative movement that threatens to leave it in pieces. It's a revolutionary moment and, unless I'm very much mistaken, conservatives are not supposed to be the revolutionaries. They exist to bring order to chaos, rationality over passion. Trump seems to exist to "mix things up." He is "nasty" and "fun" - although more the former than the latter. His enthusiasm for torture is unpleasant to say the least. **Timothy Stanley, [http://www.cnn.com/2016/02/20/opinions/trump-south-carolina-victory-opinion-timothy-stanley/index.html "Trump is blowing up conservatism - can he be stopped?"] (21 February 2016), ''CNN'', State of Georgia: Cable News Network *In January 2018, the experts at the Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists moved the hands of the Doomsday Clock to two minutes before midnight, where it had stood during the darkest days of the Cold War, from 1953 to 1960. The latest move of the hands was precipitated by the recklessness in Trump's nuclear thinking... Trump wondered aloud about the point of having nuclear weapons if he couldn't use them.<BR> His answer was to make them more usable, which he did with his new Nuclear Posture Review (NPR), the first since Obama's 2010 NPR, which had reduced the role of nuclear weapons in the US defense posture. The 2018 NPR significantly elevated their role, permitting use in response to vaguely defined "extreme circumstances," such as cyberattacks or attacks on the infrastructure of both the United States and its "allies and partners." The review doubled down on Obama's unconscionable 30-year trillion-dollar modernization of all parts of the nuclear arsenal. The actual cost looks to be closer to $1.7 trillion and climbing. To make matters worse, all eight other nuclear powers are undertaking their own modernizations, though on a far more modest scale. Russia, it should be noted, actually cut its defense spending this past year. *On top of this, we have the rapid and accelerating drift toward planetary disaster exacerbated by the climate change–denying troglodytes in the Trump administration. **[https://www.thenation.com/article/untold-history-of-the-united-states-rerelease/ ''2 Minutes and Counting, Crises that seemed contained not long ago have now spiraled out of control—and the prospects for resolving them peacefully look depressingly bleak, the Nation,''] [[Oliver Stone]] and [[w:Peter Kuznick|Peter Kuznick]], (April 2019) * Trump is not just a wacky politician of the far right, or a riveting television spectacle, or a Twitter phenom and bizarre working-class hero. He is not just another candidate to be parsed and analyzed by TV pundits in the same breath as all the others. '''In terms of our [[liberal democracy]] and constitutional order, Trump is an extinction-level event. It's long past time we started treating him as such.''' ** [[Andrew Sullivan]], in [http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2016/04/america-tyranny-donald-trump.html "America Has Never Been So Ripe for Tyranny" in ''New York'' (2 May 2016)] * No one claimed fraud. No one derided the lopsided unfairness of the parliamentary results, where Labour got 34 percent of the vote and a whopping 63 percent of the seats, and where the new rightist Reform Party won 14 percent of the vote and got only 5 seats. Those were the rules ahead of the game, and they were the rules everyone had agreed to.<br>There is one reason and one reason only why this kind of conciliatory exchange cannot happen any time soon in America, and that is Donald J. Trump. With a mind warped by pathological and malignant narcissism, incapable of generosity or grace or fairness, Trump has dominated this country’s politics for almost a decade now. He has systematically corroded every democratic norm and institution: the rule of law, the process of elections, the integrity of the Supreme Court, the independence of the Justice Department, the peaceful nature of the transfer of power, and the reliability of our alliances around the world. And none of this damage has been done to advance any broad policy or meaningful agenda, but merely and solely to advance the narcissism and corruption of the president himself. ** [[Andrew Sullivan]], in [https://andrewsullivan.substack.com/p/wanted-an-american-starmer "Wanted: An American Starmer" in ''The Weekly Dish'' (July 12, 2024)] * But we do know for a fact that Trump is criminally inclined, driven by vengeance and rage, and has now been granted vague and unprecedented immunity powers by SCOTUS whose limits he will doubtless exploit. We know he will delegitimize any institution that gets in his way; and we know that electing a convicted felon who has already once tried to stop the peaceful transfer of power will be a watershed for a purported republic. ** [[Andrew Sullivan]], in [https://andrewsullivan.substack.com/p/wanted-an-american-starmer "Wanted: An American Starmer" in ''The Weekly Dish'' (July 12, 2024)] * Trump is, of course, a master of distraction and {{w|media ma­nipu­la­tion}}. It's possible to resist being his chump, but it takes continued self-regulation. ** [[Margaret Sullivan (journalist)|Margaret Sullivan]], ''[https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/journalists-in-the-age-of-trump-lose-the-smugness-keep-the-mission/2016/11/29/1ee85a28-b64b-11e6-a677-b608fbb3aaf6_story.html Journalists in the age of Trump: Lose the smugness, keep the mission.]'', ''{{w|The Washington Post}}'' (November 29, 2016) * The press often will ask me if I think Donald Trump is crazy. And I’ll say it this way: I don't think he’s so crazy that you could put him in a mental institution. But I think if he were in one, he ain’t getting out! ** [[w:Chris Sununu | Chris Sununu]], Republican, governor in New Hampshire, quoted in [https://www.politico.com/newsletters/playbook/2022/04/03/a-night-of-laughter-and-cringe-at-the-gridiron-00022578 "POLITICO Playbook: A night of laughter and cringe at the Gridiron"], Politico, 4 April 2022 * Like many of you, I watched the [September 9, 2024 presidential candidate] debate tonight. If you haven’t already, now is a great time to do your research on the issues at hand and the stances these candidates take on the topics that matter to you the most. As a voter, I make sure to watch and read everything I can about their proposed policies and plans for this country.<br>Recently I was made aware that AI of ‘me’ falsely endorsing Donald Trump’s presidential run was posted to his site. It really conjured up my fears around AI, and the dangers of spreading misinformation. It brought me to the conclusion that I need to be very transparent about my actual plans for this election as a voter. The simplest way to combat misinformation is with the truth.<br>I will be casting my vote for Kamala Harris and Tim Walz in the 2024 Presidential Election. I’m voting for @kamalaharris because she fights for the rights and causes I believe need a warrior to champion them. I think she is a steady-handed, gifted leader and I believe we can accomplish so much more in this country if we are led by calm and not chaos. I was so heartened and impressed by her selection of running mate @timwalz, who has been standing up for LGBTQ+ rights, IVF, and a woman’s right to her own body for decades.<br>I’ve done my research, and I’ve made my choice. Your research is all yours to do, and the choice is yours to make. I also want to say, especially to first time voters: Remember that in order to vote, you have to be registered! I also find it’s much easier to vote early. I’ll link where to register and find early voting dates and info in my story.<br>With love and hope,<br>Taylor Swiftz<br>Childless Cat Lady ** [[Taylor Swift]] in [https://apnews.com/article/taylor-swift-endorse-kamala-harris-president-3a36b6f9695c20153891bba35c47f21d "Taylor Swift endorses Kamala Harris for president after debate ends"], ''AP News'' (September 10, 2024) * But at some point—if you understand, and this is not just ideological, it's not just the fact that he's abandoned one position after another or that he has the penchant for internet hoaxes or conspiracy theories. I mean a week ago tonight, remember, he was peddling the notion that Ted Cruz's dad had something do with the JFK assassination. So there are people who say that just because of party loyalty we're supposed to forget all of that. I just don't buy that. Because I've cautioned my fellow conservatives, you embrace Donald Trump, you embrace it all. You embrace every slur, every insult, every outrage, every falsehood. You're going to spend the next six months defending, rationalizing, evading all that. And afterwards, you come back to women, to minorities, to young people and say, that wasn't us. That's not what we're about. The reality is, if you support him to be president of the United States, that is who you are, and you own it. ** Charlie Sykes, on [http://www.weeklystandard.com/sykes-if-you-embrace-trump-you-embrace-every-slur-insult-outrage-falsehood/article/2002334 ''The Kelly File''] (2016), FOX News * However the media portrays him. '''I see him as a man of peace. We’ve both been shot at by the same enemy. Trump understands leverage, strength, and outcomes.''' Syria needs an honest broker who can reset the conversation. If there is a possibility of alignment that helps bring stability to the region — and security to the U.S. and its allies — I am ready to have that conversation. He is the only man capable of fixing this region, bringing us together, one brick at a time. ** {{w|Ahmed al-Sharaa}}, [https://jewishjournal.com/commentary/opinion/381746/a-conversation-with-president-ahmed-al-sharaa-syrias-journey-beyond-the-ruins/ Interview] with ''The Jewish Journal'' (May 28, 2025) === T === *All of Trump's constant bragging about his money and his poll numbers and his virility speak directly to this surprisingly vibrant middle American fantasy about a castrated white America struggling to re-grow its mojo... as basketball star turned pundit Kareem Abdul-Jabbar pointed out earlier this week, PC isn’t a new thing, or even a thing at all. It’s just an “emotional challenge every generation has had to go through.” We get older, our kids correct our bad habits, it happens. Not to Trump’s supporters. They’ve turned some minor cultural changes into a vast conspiracy of white victimhood. They're eating up Trump's ''Make America Great Again'' theme, which one supporter hilariously explained must be his true goal, because 'it's on his hat', because it's a fantasy tale of a once-great culture ruined by an invasion of mongrel criminals. **Matt Taibbi, [http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/news/the-gop-is-now-officially-the-party-of-dumb-white-people-20150904 "The Republicans Are Now Officially the Party of White Paranoia"], ''Rolling Stone''. * The [[Biden]] team is trying to go on with business as usual, but at some point, barring Trump getting a personality transplant, this is going to come to a head. The President is refusing to concede, he is refusing to allow the transition process to begin... ** [[w:Jake Tapper|Jake Tapper]] on CNN's [https://www.cnn.com/videos/tv/2020/11/18/lead-warner-live-jake-tapper.cnn The lead with Jake Tapper (video)] November 18, 2020 at 4:22et * What we saw week in and week out, for me, after two and a half years in that administration, was terrifying. We would go in to try to talk to him about a pressing national security issue -- cyberattack, terrorism threat -- he wasn't interested in those things. To him, they weren't priorities. * Given what I have experienced in the administration, I have to support Joe Biden for president and even though I am not a Democrat, even though I disagree on key issues, I'm confident that Joe Biden will protect the country and I'm confident that he won't make the same mistakes as this President. * I saw firsthand how dangerous Trump is for America. ** Miles Taylor, who served as chief of staff to Department of Homeland Security Secretary in the Trump administration from 2017 to 2019. Quoted by {{citation | date = 2020-08-17 | author = Gillian Turner, Paul Steinhauser | title = Former senior Trump administration official backs Biden | newspaper = Fox News | url = https://www.foxnews.com/politics/former-senior-trump-administration-official-backs-biden }} * What we saw week in and week out and for me after two and a half years in that administration was terrifying ** Miles Taylor, former DHS chief of staff [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/miles-taylor-homeland-security-trump-terrifying/ on CBS News] * [T]he media always is taking Trump literally. It never takes him seriously, but it always takes him literally. I think a lot of the voters who vote for Trump take Trump seriously, but not literally. ** [[Peter Thiel]], [http://www.press.org/sites/default/files/20161031_thiel.pdf Speech at the National Press Club] (October 31, 2016) *Trump has given more than $100,000 to the Democratic House and Senate campaign committees. In 2006, the year Democrats took back Congress, he gave $25,000 to the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee and the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee... Trump wanted Nancy Pelosi to be speaker of the House and Harry Reid the Senate majority leader. Which is not surprising. At the time he made those contributions, from August 2001 to September 2009, Trump was a registered Democrat... Trump continued to support Reid as majority leader in the election immediately after the passage of Obamacare... With all his past support for Democrats, Trump ought to be asked: Will he commit to supporting whoever is the eventual Republican nominee? After all, why should he be welcomed into the Republican fold if he is going to end up throwing his support to Clinton? The fact is, Trump isn't a Democrat or a Republican; he is an opportunist... He's less a candidate than a brand. And running for president is great for the Trump brand, an opportunity for Donald Trump to take the national stage and tell us all how great he is. He pretty much admitted as much during his announcement speech, when he pointed out that some questioned whether he was really as successful as he claimed. ** Marc A. Thiessen, [https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/how-donald-trump-helped-democrats-pass-obamacare/2015/06/22/002f4c7c-18ea-11e5-ab92-c75ae6ab94b5_story.html "How Donald Trump helped Democrats pass Obamacare"] (22 June 2015), ''The Washington Post'' *I wanted to like Donald Trump, much as I wanted to like Richard Nixon's vice president, Spiro Agnew. Both men have said many things with which I agree. Agnew attacked media bias, and Trump attacks the establishment's failure to "make America great," as he nonspecifically puts it. But a proper diagnosis does not equal competence in administering a cure. If I developed a brain tumor, I would want Ben Carson to operate on me, but do I want Donald Trump "operating" on America? Everyone has a temperament. The dictionary defines it as "the combination of mental, physical, and emotional traits of a person." Would Trump's "combination" make him a good president? I think not. **Cal Thomas, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/430126/donald-trump-conservatives-oppose-nomination "Conservatives Against Trump"] (21 January 2016), ''National Review''. * I do think the President committed impeachable offenses. ** [[w:Pat Toomey|Pat Toomey]], Republican senator, quoted by {{citation | date = 2021-01-10 | author = Kate Sullivan, Nicky Robertson | title = Republican Sen. Pat Toomey says he thinks Trump 'committed impeachable offenses' | newspaper = CNN | url = https://edition.cnn.com/2021/01/09/politics/pat-toomey-trump-impeachable-offenses/index.html }} * There was a strange aftertaste to many of the calls for grand social [[reform]] in 2020. As the [[COVID-19 pandemic|coronavirus crisis]] overtook us, the [[Left-wing politics|left wing]] on both sides of the [[Atlantic Ocean|Atlantic]], at least that part that had been fired up [[Jeremy Corbyn]] and [[Bernie Sanders]], was going down to defeat. The promise of a radicalized and reenergized left, organized around the idea of the [[Green New Deal]], seemed to dissipate amidst the pandemic. It fell to [[Government|governments]] mainly of the [[Centrism|center]] and the [[Right-wing politics|right]] to meet the crisis. They were a strange assortment. [[Jair Bolsonaro]] in [[Brazil]] and Donald Trump in the United States experimented with denial. For them [[Climate change denial|climate skepticism]] and [[wikipedia:COVID-19_misinformation|virus skepticism]] went hand in hand. In [[Mexico]], the notionally left-wing government of [[Andrés Manuel López Obrador]] also pursued a maverick path, refusing to take drastic action. [[Nationalist]] strongmen like [[Rodrigo Duterte]] in the [[Philippines]], [[Narendra Modi]] in [[India]], [[Vladimir Putin]] in [[Russia]], and [[Recep Tayyip Erdoğan]] in [[Turkey]] did not deny [[SARS-CoV-2|the virus]], but relied on their patriotic appeal and bullying tactics to see them through. It was the managerial centrist types who were under most pressure. Figures like [[Nancy Pelosi]] and [[Chuck Schumer]] in the United States, or [[Sebastián Piñera]] in [[Chile]], or [[Cyril Ramaphosa]] in [[South Africa]], [[Emmanuel Macron]], [[Angela Merkel]], [[Ursula von der Leyen]], and their ilk in [[Europe]]. They accepted the [[science]]. [[Denial]] was not an option. They were desperate to demonstrate that they were better than the '[[Populism|populists]].' To meet the crisis, very middle-of-the-road [[politicians]] ended up doing very [[Radicalism|radical]] things. Most of it was improvisation and compromise, but insofar as they managed to put a programmatic gloss on their responses—whether in the form of the [[EU]]'s [[wikipedia:Next_Generation_EU|Next Generation program]] or [[Joe Biden|Biden]]'s [[Build Back Better Plan|Build Back Better program]] in 2020—it came from the repertoire of [[Climate action|green modernization]], [[sustainable development]], and the [[Green New Deal]]. ** [[wikipedia:Adam Tooze|Adam Tooze]], ''Shutdown: How Covid Shook the World Economy'' (2021) * [[w:Criticism of response to the 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic|The governments]] that have been negligent from the beginning [...] are afraid of demonstrating their ineptitude in the face of such a health crisis. At the last minute, Trump declared a "[[w:Public health emergency (United States)|national emergency]]" and agreed with the Democrats in Congress on a special package for {{w|sick leave}} and rapid testing. If he appears incompetent in the face of a crisis and thousands of [[w:2019–20 coronavirus pandemic#Deaths|people die]], he could lose the [[2020 United States presidential election|U.S. presidency]], even to Biden. ** [[Trotskyist Fraction – Fourth International]], ''[https://www.leftvoice.org/coronavirus-and-the-healthcare-crisis-our-lives-are-worth-more-than-their-profits Coronavirus and the Healthcare Crisis: Our Lives Are Worth More than Their Profits!]'' (March 14, 2020), ''Left Voice''. * He's got to condemn this sh*t ASAP. * We need an Oval office address. He has to lead now. It has gone too far and gotten out of hand. ** Donald Trump Jr. writing [https://edition.cnn.com/2021/12/13/politics/trump-jr-text-mark-meadows-january-6/index.html text messages] to White House chief of staff Mark Meadows on January 6 2021, urging Meadows to make Donald Trump stop the attack on the Congress Building. * Every family has their crazy uncle. My Uncle Donald is atomic crazy. ** Fred Trump III, nephew of Donald Trump, cited in [https://abcnews.go.com/US/fred-trump-iii-calls-uncle-donald-trump-atomic/story "Fred Trump III calls uncle Donald Trump 'atomic crazy,' says he used racial slur decades ago"], ''ABC News'' (July 30, 2024) * I think he would be a great president... He is one of the most dynamic people in the world. He looks presidential, and he talks presidential, and he would make the changes he promises. ** [[w:Ivana Trump|Ivana Trump]], as quoted in {{citation | date = 2016-02-11 | author = Eddie Roche | title = Daily Exclusive: Ivana Trump Uncensored | newspaper = Daily Front Row | url = http://fashionweekdaily.com/daily-exclusive-ivana-trump-uncensored/ }} * My father is an unbelievable listener, and I don't think people realize that until they actually know him. And he ultimately makes his own decisions and that's what any leader needs to do. ** [[Ivanka Trump]], as quoted in {{citation | date = 2015-10-14 | author = Judy Kurtz | title = Ivanka Trump: Dad's conflict with Megyn Kelly 'very sensationalized' | newspaper = The Hill | url = http://thehill.com/blogs/in-the-know/in-the-know/256903-ivanka-trump-dads-conflict-with-megyn-kelly-very }} * Today, Donald is much as he was at three years old: incapable of growing, learning, or evolving, unable to regulate his emotions, moderate his responses, or take in & synthesize information. ** {{citation | date = 2020-07-07 | author = Mary Trump (niece of Donald Trump) | title = The explosive tell-all book by Trump's niece is coming out two weeks earlier than expected | newspaper = CNN | url = https://edition.cnn.com/2020/07/06/media/mary-trump-book-release-date/index.html }} * Donald's pathologies are so complex and his behaviors so often inexplicable that coming up with an accurate and comprehensive diagnosis would require a full battery of psychological and neurophysical tests that he'll never sit for ** {{citation | date = 2020-07-08 | author = William Goldschlag, Dan Janison | title = Donald Trump's niece: He lies, cheats, is cruel, incompetent and cheap | newspaper = Newsday | url = https://www.newsday.com/long-island/politics/trump-niece-mary-book-conway-coronavirus-schools-reopening-biden-who-jacksonville-rnc-tiktok-1.46510343 }} * I have no problem calling Donald a narcissist — he meets all nine criteria. ** Mary Trump, as quoted by {{citation | date = 2020-07-14 | author = Kurt Andersen | title = Review: The most devastating thing about Mary Trump’s portrait is her empathy for Donald Trump | newspaper = Los Angeles Times | url = https://www.latimes.com/entertainment-arts/books/story/2020-07-14/the-most-devastating-thing-about-mary-trumps-portrait-of-trump-is-i }} * In order to understand what brought Donald- and all of us- to this point, we need to start with my grandfather and his own need for recognition, a need that propelled him to encourage Donald's reckless hyperbole and unearned confidence that hid Donald's pathological weaknesses and insecurities. As Donald grew up, he was forced to become his own cheerleader, first, because he needed his father to believe he was a better and more confident son than Freddy was; then because Fred required it of him; and finally because he began to believe his own hype, even as he paradoxically suspected on a very deep level that nobody else did. By the time of the election, Donald met any challenges to his sense of superiority with anger, his fear and vulnerabilities so effectively buried that he didn't even have to acknowledge they existed. And he never would. ** Mary L. Trump, ''Too Much And Never Enough: How My Family Created The World's Most Dangerous Man'' (2020), p. 11 * In the [[1970s]], after my grandfather had already been preferring and promoting Donald for years, the New York media picked up the baton and began disseminating Donald's unsubstantiated hype. In the [[1980s]], the banks joined in when they began to fund his ventures. Their willingness (and then their need) to foster his increasingly unfounded claims to success hung on the hopes of recouping their losses. After a decade during which Donald floundered, dragged down by bankruptcies and reduced to fronting for a series of failed products from steaks to vodka, the television producer Mark Burnett gave him yet another chance. ''The Apprentice'' traded on Donald's image as the brash, self-made dealmaker, a myth that had been the creation of my grandfather five decades earlier and astonishingly, considering the vast trove of evidence disproving it, had survived into the new millennium almost entirely unaltered. By the time Donald announced his run for the Republican Party nomination in 2015, a significant percentage of the American population had been primed to believe that myth. ** Mary L. Trump, ''Too Much And Never Enough: How My Family Created The World's Most Dangerous Man'' (2020), p. 11 * To this day, the lies, misrepresentations, and fabrications that are the sum total of who my uncle is are perpetuated by the Republican Party and white evangelical Christians. People who know better, such as Senate majority leader Mitch McConnell; true believers, such as Representative Kevin McCarthy, Secretary of State Mike Pompeo, and Attorney General William Barr; and others too numerous to name, have become, unwittingly or not, complicit in their perpetuation. ** Mary L. Trump, ''Too Much And Never Enough: How My Family Created The World's Most Dangerous Man'' (2020), p. 11-12 * The fact is, Donald's pathologies are so complex and his behaviors so often inexplicable that coming up with an accurate and comprehensive diagnosis would require a full battery of psychological and neuropsychological tests that he'll never sit for. At this point, we can't evaluate his day-to-day functioning because he is, in the West Wing, essentially institutionalized. Donald has been institutionalized for most of his adult life, so there is no way to know how he would thrive, or even survive, on his own in the real world. At the end of my aunt's birthday party in 2017, as we lined up for our pictures, I could see that Donald was already under a kind of stress he'd never experienced before. As the pressures upon him have continued to mount over the course of the last three years, the disparity between the level of competence required for running a country and his incompetence has widened, revealing his delusions more starkly than ever before. Many, but by no means all of us, have been shielded until now from the worst effects of his pathologies by a stable economy and a lack of serious crises. But the out-of-control COVID-19 pandemic, the possibility of an economic depression, deepening social divides along political lines thanks to Donald's penchant for division, and devastating uncertainty about our country's future have created a perfect storm of catastrophes that no one is less equipped than my uncle to manage. Doing so would require courage, strength of character, deference to experts, and the confidence to take responsibility and to course correct after admitting mistakes. His ability to control unfavorable situations by lying, spinning, and obfuscating has diminished to the point of impotence in the midst of the tragedies we are currently facing. His egregious and arguably intentional mishandling of the current catastrophe has led to a level of scrutiny and pushback that he's never experienced before, increasing his belligerence and need for petty revenge as he withholds vital funding, personal protective equipment, and ventilators that your tax dollars have paid for from states whose governors don't kiss his ass sufficiently. ** Mary L. Trump, ''Too Much And Never Enough: How My Family Created The World's Most Dangerous Man'' (2020), p. 13-14 * After the election, Donald called his big sister, ostensibly to find out how he was doing. Of course, he thought he already knew the answer; otherwise he wouldn't have made the call in the first place. He merely wanted her to confirm very strongly that he was doing a fantastic job. When she said, "Not that good," Donald immediately went on offense. "That's nasty," he said. She could see the sneer on his face. Then, seemingly apropos of nothing, he asked her, "Maryanne, where would you be without me?" It was a smug reference to the fact that Maryanne owed her first federal judgeship to Donald because Roy Cohn had done him (and her) a favor all those years ago. My aunt has always insisted that she earned her position on the bench entirely on her own merits, and she shot back at him, "If you say that one more time, I will ''level'' you." But it was an empty threat. Although Maryanne had prided herself on being the only person on the planet Donald ever listened to, those days were long past, which was illustrated not long after, in June 2018. On the eve of Donald's first summit with North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un, Maryanne called the White House and left a message with his secretary: "Tell him his older sister called with a little sisterly advice. Prepare. Learn from those who know what they are doing. Stay away from Dennis Rodman. And leave his Twitter alone." He ignored all of it. The ''Politico'' headline the following day read "Trump Says Kim Meeting Will Be About 'Attitude,' Not Prep Work." If Maryanne had ever had any sway over her little brother, it was gone now. Aside from the requisite birthday call, they didn't speak much after that. ** Mary L. Trump, ''Too Much And Never Enough: How My Family Created The World's Most Dangerous Man'' (2020), p. 188-189 * Donald was to my grandfather what the border wall as been for Donald: a vanity project funded at the expense of more worthy pursuits. ** Mary L. Trump, ''Too Much And Never Enough: How My Family Created The World's Most Dangerous Man'' (2020), p. 194 * He's smart, he's tough, he knows what he's doing. He's speaking from his heart. He's the best. ** {{w|Melania Trump}}, as quoted in [http://thehill.com/blogs/in-the-know/in-the-know/263527-melania-trump-not-nervous-for-husband "Melania Trump not nervous for husband"] by Judy Kurtz, ''The Hill'' (16 December 2015) *Trump's entire personal and professional history is Obama-esque. When it serves his interests, Trump lies. He has lied to business associates, employees, friends, spouses, and now to millions of prospective voters. Anyone who thinks that Trump will not lie to them, or that he will at least tell the truth about 'important things', immigration or ISIS or whatever, is deluding himself. When it becomes expedient for Trump to lie, he will. **Ian Tuttle, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/431755/donald-trumps-huge-lies "Donald Trump's Huge Lies"], ''National Review'' * After close review of recent Tweets from the @realDonaldTrump account and the context around them we have permanently suspended the account due to the risk of further incitement of violence. ** Twitter, as quoted by {{citation | date = 2021-01-08 | author = Brian Fung | title = Twitter bans President Trump permanently | newspaper = CNN Business | url = https://edition.cnn.com/2021/01/08/tech/trump-twitter-ban/index.html }} * Right now, I’m not sure whether he should stay in place for a week or step down immediately. ** Christian Tybring-Gjedde, quoted in [https://www.thelocal.no/20210107/trump-scares-norwegian-politician-who-nominated-him-for-nobel-peace-prize "Trump 'scares' Norwegian politician who nominated him for Nobel Peace Prize"] 7 January 2021 * We're really good friends, we go back to '86, '87. Most of my successful and best fights were at [[w:Trump International Hotel and Tower|Trump's hotels]]. He didn't manage me, though. He was just helping me with my [[w:Mike Tyson#Rape conviction, prison, and conversion|court case]]. '''We're the same guy, a thrust for power, a drive for power. Whatever field we're in, we need power in that field. That's just who we are. Balls of energy. We're not even who we think we are. We're fire. We're made of this crap—water, motion, dirt, diamonds, emeralds. We're made out of that stuff, can you believe it?''' * That shit is the real deal. Listen: I'm a black motherfucker from the poorest town in the country. I've been through a lot in life. And I know him. When I see him, he shakes my hand and respects my family. None of them—[[Barack Obama|Barack]], whoever—nobody else does that. They're gonna be who they are and disregard me, my family. So I'm voting for him. If I can get 20,000 people or more to vote for him, I'm gonna do it. ** [[Mike Tyson]], in an interview with {{w|The Daily Caller}}. [http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2016/01/21/mike-tyson-why-i-m-a-muslim-for-donald-trump.html] (January 21, 2016) === U === [[File:Trump Second Impeachment Vote.png |thumb|President Trump gravely [[endangered]] the [[security]] of the [[United States]] and its [[institutions]] of [[Government]]. He threatened the [[integrity]] of the [[democratic]] [[system]], interfered with the [[peaceful]] transition of [[power]], and imperiled a coequal branch of Government.]] * President Trump gravely [[endangered]] the [[security]] of the [[United States]] and its [[institutions]] of [[Government]]. He threatened the [[integrity]] of the [[democratic]] [[system]], interfered with the [[peaceful]] transition of [[power]], and imperiled a coequal branch of Government. He thereby betrayed his trust as President, to the manifest [[injury]] of the [[people]] of the United States. <br /> Wherefore, Donald John Trump, by such [[conduct]], has [[demonstrated]] that he will remain a threat to national security, democracy, and [[United States Constitution|the Constitution]] if allowed to remain in office, and has acted in a manner grossly incompatible with self-governance and the [[rule of law]]. Donald John Trump thus warrants [[impeachment]] and [[trial]], removal from office, and disqualification to hold and enjoy any office of [[honor]], [[trust]], or [[profit]] under the United States. ** [[United States Congress|United States House of Representatives]]; the concluding lines of [https://www.congress.gov/bill/117th-congress/house-resolution/24/text "H.Res.24 - Impeaching Donald John Trump, President of the United States, for high crimes and misdemeanors", introduced 11 January 2021, and approved 13 January 2021] === V === * you have to remember that Trump has no shame. There’s nothing that we can say to him, or nothing that he can say, that will make him blush. However, he’s only in power because of all these seemingly normal people supporting him. If we can make all of them radioactive, beyond radioactive, then we can take some steps towards hopefully neutralizing this larger threat. **[[Eli Valley]] [https://www.tcj.com/eli-valley-and-the-plight-of-the-secular-jew/ Interview] (2018) *I wrote about him as a buffoon, a dangerous buffoon, someone who wouldn’t actually become president. And so I spoke about him in terms of what it revealed about Jewish leaders who were supporting him despite his being a hero of American naziism — this was clear long before Charlottesville...I call Trump Netanyahu with smaller hands in the introduction. Netanyahu shares a lot in common with Trump. Including demagoguery, bigotry, attacks on the press, attacks on institutions of democracy, attacks on human rights organizations. I don’t know if Trump has gone that far yet, but he will. It’s a similar method of autocrats. **[[Eli Valley]] about Donald Trump [https://electricliterature.com/how-donald-trump-changed-political-comics/ Interview] (2017) * Mr. Trump is unfit for our nation’s highest office. ** [[J.D. Vance]] [https://www.nytimes.com/2016/04/04/opinion/campaign-stops/why-trumps-antiwar-message-resonates-with-white-america.html "Why Trump’s Antiwar Message Resonates with White America"], ''The New York Times'' (April 4, 2016) * People no longer trust the career politicians, no longer trust the status-quo because they screwed it up so bad. I loved listening to you talk to those other talking heads about 'Donald Trump could be the destruction of the whole Republican party.' I throw my hands up in the air and cheer. I hope it happens! And I hope [[Bernie Sanders]] is the destruction of the Democratic Party. It's time to break up the two party dictatorship. ** [[Jesse Ventura]] on CNN with Don Lemon, as quoted in {{citation | date = 2015-10-07 | author = Chris Enloe | title = Jesse Ventura Wants to Destroy the Political Establishment and He's Named Two Guys to Do It | newspaper = IJ Review | url = https://www.ijreview.com/2015/10/439711-jesse-ventura-supports-donald-trump-bernie-sanders-destroying-political-establishment/ }} *We believe your final decision yesterday was the right one — given the so-called "fog of war" and against the background of a long list of intelligence mistakes, not to mention "cooking" shenanigans. We... think Tucker Carlson had it right yesterday evening: "The very people — in some cases, literally the same people who lured us into the Iraq quagmire 16 years ago — are demanding a new war — this one with Iran. Carlson described you as "skeptical." We believe ample skepticism is warranted. **[[Veteran Intelligence Professionals for Sanity]], in [https://consortiumnews.com/2019/06/21/vips-memo-to-the-president-is-pompeos-agenda-the-same-as-yours/ ''VIPS Memo to the President: Is Pompeo's Iran Agenda the Same As Yours?''] (21 June 2019) *After the close call yesterday when you called off the planned military strike on Iran, we remain concerned that you are about to be mousetrapped into war with Iran. You have said you do not want such a war (no sane person would), and our comments below are based on that premise. There are troubling signs that [[Mike Pompeo|Secretary Pompeo]] is not likely to jettison his more warlike approach, More importantly, we know from personal experience with Pompeo's dismissive attitude to instructions from you that his agenda can deviate from yours on issues of major consequence... Pompeo's behavior betrays a strong desire to resort to military action — perhaps even without your approval — to Iranian provocations (real or imagined), with no discernible strategic goal other than to advance the interests of Israel, Saudi Arabia and the UAE. **[[Veteran Intelligence Professionals for Sanity]], in [https://consortiumnews.com/2019/06/21/vips-memo-to-the-president-is-pompeos-agenda-the-same-as-yours/ ''VIPS Memo to the President: Is Pompeo's Iran Agenda the Same As Yours?''] (21 June 2019) *If Pompeo failed to report back to you on the conversation you instructed him to have with [[William Binney|Binney]], you might ask him about it now (even though the flimsy evidence of Russia hacking the DNC has now evaporated, with Binney vindicated). There were two note-takers present at the October 24, 2017 meeting at CIA headquarters. There is also a good chance the session was also recorded. You might ask Pompeo about that... Binney had the impression Pompeo was simply going through the motions — and disingenuously, at that. If he "really wanted to know about Russian hacking," he would have acquainted himself with the conclusions that VIPS, with Binney in the lead, had reached in mid-2017, and which apparently caught your eye.... Had he pursued the matter seriously with Binney, we might not have had to wait until the Justice Department itself put nails in the coffin of Russiagate, CrowdStrike, and Comey. In sum, Pompeo could have prevented two additional years of "everyone knows that the Russians hacked into the DNC." Why did he not? **[[Veteran Intelligence Professionals for Sanity]], in [https://consortiumnews.com/2019/06/21/vips-memo-to-the-president-is-pompeos-agenda-the-same-as-yours/ ''VIPS Memo to the President: Is Pompeo's Iran Agenda the Same As Yours?''] (21 June 2019) * We are all Gold Star Families, '''who have lost those we love the most in war. Ours is a sacrifice you will never know. Ours is a sacrifice we would never want you to know.''' * Your recent comments regarding the Khan family were repugnant, and personally offensive to us. When you question a mother's pain, by implying that her religion, not her grief, kept her from addressing an arena of people, you are attacking us. When you say your job building buildings is akin to our sacrifice, you are attacking our sacrifice. You are not just attacking us, you are cheapening the sacrifice made by those we lost. You are minimizing the risk our service members make for all of us. This goes beyond politics. It is about a sense of decency. That kind decency you mock as "political correctness." ** [[w:VoteVets.org|VoteVets]]' Gold Star Family Members, open letter to Trump [http://www.votevets.org/press/gold-star-letter] (August 1, 2016) === W === * We've never had a president whose business created as many potential {{w|conflicts of interest}} as Donald Trump, and at the same time we've never had a president who cared less about conflicts of interest as Donald Trump. Indeed, he and his children are making it quite clear that they will use the presidency as a tool to make as much money as they can. And Republicans, particularly [[United States Congress|Congress]], have apparently decided that if Trump does it, it's okay. ** [[Paul Waldman]], ''[https://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/plum-line/wp/2016/12/05/republicans-are-already-making-it-clear-trump-can-do-whatever-he-wants/?hpid=hp_no-name_opinion-card-f%3Ahomepage%2Fstory&utm_term=.4d816d92b558 Republicans are already making it clear: Trump can do whatever he wants]'', ''{{w|The Washington Post}}'' (December 5, 2016) *The political triumph of Donald Trump is a symbol and symptom—not cause or origin—of our imperial meltdown. Trump is neither alien nor extraneous to American culture and history. In fact, he is as American as apple pie. Yet he is a sign of our spiritual bankruptcy—all spectacle and no substance, all narcissism and no empathy, all appetite and greed and no wisdom and maturity. **[[Cornel West]] ''Race Matters'' (2017 edition) * Can we get Trump to prove he's a good citizen or we'll deport him? ** {{w|Shannon Wheeler}}, cartoonist, [https://twitter.com/muchcoffee twitted] 10.10 * Trump actually faces unique obstacles as he courts black voters. The mogul has a long history of using racially charged rhetoric and his real estate company was sued for allegedly discriminating against black renters in the 1970s. His stance on Muslims, which has drawn praise from white supremacists, could also prove problematic, since over 25 percent of American Muslims are black. **Hunter Walker, [https://www.yahoo.com/politics/donald-trump-has-a-huge-1317867072716854.html "Donald Trump has a plan to win ‘100 percent' of the black vote and prove he's not a racist"] (10 December 2015), ''Yahoo! News'' *America has lost more than 12 million jobs in the last six months. An estimated 12 million people have lost their employer-sponsored health insurance during the worst pandemic in a century. Tens of millions report not having enough to eat. But one month ago, tens of millions of unemployed Americans lost... a $600 weekly federal unemployment insurance benefit that Congress failed to renew... How can this happen in a democracy? This is a question that everyone who works for a living... might want to consider on this Labor Day... If the facts of this political disaster were more widely known and understood, Republicans could lose not only the presidency but also the Senate in November. After all, millions of unemployed Republicans lost most of their income as a result of what their political party...did... Who would want to be forcing layoffs — potentially totaling millions at the state and local level — during a depression and pandemic? Ask Sen. McConnell and Donald Trump. **[[Mark Weisbrot]], [https://www.timesfreepress.com/news/opinion/times-commentary/story/2020/sep/06/weisbrot-whour-government-doing-labor/531611/ What is our government doing to labor?], [[w:Chattanooga Times Free Press|Times Free Press]], (6 September 2020) * You will never hear me say a negative thing about Donald Trump. Me and Donald are cool. ... Donald will get my vote. ** [[Dana White]], as quoted in [http://thehill.com/blogs/ballot-box/263033-ufc-chief-dana-white-endorses-trump "UFC head Dana White endorses Trump"] by Sylvan Lane, ''The Hill'' (12 December 2015) * He will be a real American leader, who might not always be the best one from Europe's perspective but defends the interests of his own people. I wish we had political leaders like this in the Netherlands who defend their own country... and forget the rest. ** [[Geert Wilders]], on BNR radio, as quoted in [http://www.dutchnews.nl/news/archives/2016/07/93300-2/ "Geert Wilders says the Netherlands needs a leader like Donald Trump"] (18 July 2016), ''DutchNews.nl''. * I'd vote for a bowling ball covered in dog shit and pubic hair before I vote for Trump. ** bestselling author {{W|Chuck Wendig}}, [http://terribleminds.com/ramble/2016/06/08/im-with-her/ "I'm With Her"], June 8, 2016 * The cost of appearing with a bloviating ignoramus is obvious, it seems to me. Donald Trump is redundant evidence that if your net worth is high enough, your IQ can be very low and you can still intrude into American politics. ** [[George Will]] on {{citation | date = 2012-05-27 | title = This Week | publisher = ABC }}, quoted in {{citation | date = 2012-05-27 | title = George Will Calls Donald Trump a ‘Bloviating Ignoramus' | first = Jake | last = Tapper | periodical = ABC News | url = http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/politics/2012/05/george-will-calls-donald-trump-a-bloviating-ignoramus-on-this-week/ }} *It has come to this. The GOP, formerly the party of Lincoln and ostensibly the party of liberty and limited government, is being defined by clamors for a mass roundup and deportation of millions of human beings. To will an end is to will the means for the end, so the Republican clamors are also for the requisite expansion of government's size and coercive powers... Trump evidently plans to deport almost 10 percent of California's workers, and 13 percent of that state's K–12 students. He is, however, at his most Republican when he honors family values: He proposes to deport intact families, including children who are citizens... Trump proposes seizing money that illegal immigrants from Mexico try to send home. This might involve sacrificing mail privacy, but desperate times require desperate measures. He would vastly enlarge the federal government's enforcement apparatus, but he who praises single-payer health care systems and favors vast eminent domain powers has never made a fetish of small government. **George Will, [http://www.nationalreview.com/article/422916/donald-trump-immigration-deportation-republicans "Trump Should Have No Place in the Party of Liberty and Limited Government"] (22 August 2015), ''National Review'' *If Donald Trump were a Democratic mole placed in the Republican Party to disrupt things, how would his behavior be any different? I don't think it would be. **George Will, as quoted in [http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-35066940 "Is Donald Trump a Democratic secret agent?"] (11 December 2015), by Anthony Zurcher, ''BBC News'', United Kingdom: British Broadcasting Corporation * What you saw was the real Trump, unbound by facts, reason, logic, the law, or the Constitution ** Conservative campaign consultant Rick Wilson, commenting on a coronavirus press briefing [https://www.rawstory.com/2020/04/rick-wilson-trumps-press-conference-meltdown-was-a-manic-ragefest-by-americas-worst-president/ "Rick Wilson: Trump’s press conference meltdown was a ‘manic ragefest by America’s Worst President’"] (14 April 2020), ''Rawstory'' * Shortly after 8pm on Election Night, when the unexpected trend - Trump might actually win - seemed confirmed, Don Jr told a friend that his father, or DJT, as he calls him, looked as if he had seen a ghost. Melania was in tears - and not of joy. There was, in the space of little more than an hour, in Steve Bannon's not unamused observation, a befuddled Trump morphing into a disbelieving Trump and then into a horrified Trump. But still to come was the final transformation: Suddenly, Donald Trump became a man who believed that he deserved to be, and was wholly capable of being, the president of the United States. ** p. 18 * Trump did not enjoy his own inauguration. He was angry that A-level stars had snubbed the event, disgruntled with the accommodations at Blair House, and visibly fighting with his wife, who seemed on the verge of tears. Throughout the day, he wore what some around him had taken to calling his golf face: angry and pissed off, shoulders hunched, arms swinging, brow furled, lips pursed. * In pursuing a friend's wife, he would try to persuade the wife that her husband was perhaps not what she thought. ** p. 23 * Trump, in fact, found the White House to be vexing and even a little scary. He retreated to his own bedroom - the first time since the Kennedy White House that a presidential couple had maintained separate rooms. In the first days, he ordered two television screens in addition to the one already there, and a lock on the door, precipitating a brief standoff with the Secret Service, who insisted they have access to the room. * She [Ivanka Trump] treated her father with a degree of detachment, even irony, going so far as to make fun of his comb-over to others. She often described the mechanics behind it to friends: an absolutely clean pate - a contained island after scalp-reduction -surgery - surrounded by a furry circle of hair around the sides and front, from which all ends are drawn up to meet in the center and then swept back and secured by a stiffening spray. The color, she would point out to comical effect, was from a product called Just for Men - the longer it was left on, the darker it got. Impatience resulted in Trump's orange-blond hair color. * [[Rupert Murdoch]], heretofore doubtlessly certain Trump was a charlatan and a fool, said he and his new wife, Jerry Hall, would pay a call on the president-elect. But Murdoch was late- quite late. Trump kept assuring his guests that Rupert was on his way, coming soon. When some of the guests made a move to leave, Trump cajoled them to stay a little longer. ''You'll want to stay to see Rupert''. (Or, one of the guests interpreted, you'll want to stay to see Trump with Rupert.) It was a matched set of odd reversals- an ironic symmetry. Trump, perhaps not yet appreciating the difference between becoming president and elevating his social standing, was trying mightily to curry favor with the previously disdainful media mogul. And Murdoch, finally arriving at the party he was in more than one way sorely late to, was as subdued and thrown as everyone else, and struggling to adjust his view of a man who, for more than a generation, had been at best a clown prince among the rich and famous. ** p. 20 * Murdoch suggested that taking a liberal approach to [[w:H-1B visas|H-1B visas]], which open America's doors to select immigrants, might be hard to square with his promises to build a wall and close the borders. But Trump seemed unconcerned, assuring Murdoch, 'We'll figure it out.' "What a fucking idiot," said Murdoch, shrugging, as he got off the phone. ** p. 36 * The unique problem here was partly how to get information to someone who did not (or could not or would not) read, and who at best listened only selectively. But the other part of the problem was how best to qualify the information that he liked to get... The information he did not get was formal information. The data. The details. The options. The analysis. He didn't do PowerPoint. For anything that smacked of a classroom or of being lectured to- "professor" was one of his bad words, and he was proud of never going to class, never buying a textbook, never taking a note- he got up and left the room. ** p. 188 * The president liked generals. The more fruit salad they wore, the better. The president was very pleased with the compliments he got for appointing generals who commanded the respect that Mattis and [[John F. Kelly|Kelly]] and [[H. R. McMaster|McMaster]] were accorded (pay no attention to Michael Flynn). What the president did not like was ''listening'' to generals, who, for the most part, were skilled in the new Army jargon of PowerPoint, data dumps, McKinsey-like presentations. One of the things that endeared Flynn to the president was the fact that Flynn, quite the conspiracist and drama queen, had good storytelling sense. ** p. 188 ** [[w:Michael_Wolff_(journalist)|Michael Wolff]], ''Fire and Fury: Inside the Trump White House'' (2018) *Let's begin with [Trump's] the simplest assertion: we are doing "great" economically... over the last 20 years the United States has had a hard time achieving economic growth. The last year or two are slightly better... because the government gave an enormous boost... not private capitalist corporations, the government gave... The [[w:Tax Cuts and Jobs Act of 2017|2017 tax cut]]... gave corporations... hundreds of billions of dollars in taxes they don't have to pay anymore... and they mostly used it to increase salaries of executives... very good for the top one percent, but not for the rest of the American people. *Chinese workers, the average amount of money they get adjusted for inflation, has quadrupled in the last 12, 15 years. What happened to the average wage in America, adjusted for inflation? It hardly budged... Excluding that from the conversation - prancing around as if the economy here is the envy of the world - that's not just nonsense. *...he spent more time... demonizing [[immigrants]] than on any other topic.... the United States is an economy of three hundred and twenty five million people; the number of [[w:Illegal immigration to the United States|undocumented immigrants in the United States is estimated between 10 and 12 million [~3.4]%]] ...Focusing on immigrants is pure scapegoating; it's focusing people on something that doesn't matter because you don't want them to focus on what does matter. **[[Richard Wolffe]] in [https://www.rdwolff.com/prof_wolff_on_sotu '''''Wolff responds to Trump's "State of the Union" address,'''''] (6 February 2019) * I still call myself a [[conservative]], but only in full knowledge that there is a blot on the escutcheon, and many a writer who claims that title is an open [[treason|traitor]] to all I in truth uphold and he in word only. Because, honestly, a conservative who opposes Trump on the grounds of [[ideal]]s, despite what this administration has already done in deregulating and defanging the [[bureaucracy]], reversing foreign policy mistakes, and appointing originalist judges, falls into the same error of being a [[cult]]ist and not a political thinker. ** [[John C. Wright]], [http://www.scifiwright.com/2017/06/objectivism-and-alt-right/ "Objectivism and Alt-Right"] (2017) === Y === * He's the classic demagogue described well in the [[The Federalist|Federalist Papers]] that our system is designed to stop. ** {{W|John Yoo}}, [http://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2016-election/analysis-vengeful-world-donald-trump-why-it-matters-n671721 Analysis: the Vengeful World of Donald Trump and Why It Matters], at NBC News, published October 31, 2016 * Donald Trump is also a coward. For all of his tough talk and bluster, the president of the United States is a punk ass bitch. And this has also been apparent for as long as we've known who he is. * He slipped out of draft duty because of ... bone spurs. Bone spurs don't even get you on the NFL injury report, but he used it to stay the fuck away from actually having to fight. We know his history of bullying and insulting women. And, since he's been in office, we've seen him cower to Kim Jong Un and literally get Deeboed by Vladimir Putin — two men who, for all of their faults, would definitely whoop Trump's ass. * We've had racist presidents before. We've had malignant misogynists in office before. But never has our president been such a fucking wimp. ** Damon Young, [https://verysmartbrothas.theroot.com/just-remember-that-your-punk-ass-president-would-never-1828105410 Just Remember That Your Punk-Ass President Would Never, Ever, Ever Call LeBron James Dumb to His Face], in {{W|The Root (magazine)|The Root}}, published August 4, 2018. === Z === *Donald Trump would be an awesome GOP nominee if he was remotely conservative, suited to beat Hillary, or had the temperament of a good POTUS. **John Ziegler, [https://twitter.com/Zigmanfreud/status/697866127163043841 ''Twitter'' post] (February 2016) * His decision to use his platform to condone rather than condemn the actions of his supporters at the Capitol building has rightly disturbed people in the US and around the world. We removed these statements yesterday because we judged that their effect — and likely their intent — would be to provoke further violence. * We believe the risks of allowing the President to continue to use our service during this period are simply too great. Therefore, we are extending the block we have placed on his Facebook and Instagram accounts indefinitely and for at least the next two weeks until the peaceful transition of power is complete. ** [[Mark Zuckerberg]], CEO Facebook, quoted in [https://techcrunch.com/2021/01/07/mark-zuckerberg-announces-trump-banned-from-facebook-and-instagram-for-at-least-the-next-two-weeks/ "Mark Zuckerberg announces Trump banned from facebook and instagram for 'at least the next two weeks'"] (January 7 2021) <i> Tech Crunch </i> *Could Donald Trump be a secret double-agent, sent by Democrats to destroy their party from within? Former Florida governor Jeb Bush, who has borne the brunt of more than a few Trump barbs, seems to think there's a possibility... He's belittling his Republican colleagues. He's pulling the party to the nativist right in direct conflict with the goal set by strategists in 2013 to appeal to a more ethnically diverse nation. And he's generally sucking up all the political oxygen, making it harder for other candidates to get their message out. All in all, many experts say he's making it much more difficult for a Republican to win the general election next fall. Maybe he's doing it on purpose... But as the saying goes, even paranoids have enemies. And, at least for the moment, there are some Republicans who see Donald Trump much more of an enemy than a friend. **Anthony Zurcher, [http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-35066940 "Is Donald Trump a Democratic secret agent?"] (11 December 2015), ''BBC News'', United Kingdom: British Broadcasting Corporation *Trump has forged a coalition between the workers and the patriotic elite. I strongly believe in the coalition that has brought Trump together. Just like Boris Johnson. That, I think, is the political axis of the future. ** [https://nos.nl/nieuwsuur/artikel/2402214-hoe-de-franse-trump-eric-zemmour-de-politiek-op-zijn-kop-zet How the 'French Trump' Éric Zemmour is turning politics upside down.] ==See also== * [[Donald Trump on social media]] * [[Donald Trump Jr.]] * [[Impeachment of Donald Trump]] * [[List of presidents of the United States]] * [[Presidency of Donald Trump]] * [[Racial views of Donald Trump]] * [[Russian interference in the 2016 United States elections]] * [[2020 United States presidential election]] == External links== {{Sister project links|w=Donald Trump|wikt=no|b=no|s=Author:Donald Trump|commons=Donald Trump|n=Donald Trump|v=no|species=no|d=Q22686|voy=no|m=no|mw=no}} * [https://www.donaldjtrump.com/ Official website] * [https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2017/06/23/opinion/trumps-lies.html "Trump's Lies"] by [[w:David Leonhardt|David Leonhardt]] and Stuart A. Thompson - a catalog of "nearly every outright lie he has told publicly" in his first five months in office, in ''{{w|The New York Times}}'' (23 June 2017) {{Authority control}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Trump, Donald}} [[Category:1946 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Presidents of the United States]] [[Category:Businesspeople from New York City]] [[Category:Politicians from New York City]] [[Category:Politicians from Florida]] [[Category:Presbyterians from the United States]] [[Category:Nationalists]] [[Category:Memoirists from the United States]] [[Category:Non-fiction authors from the United States]] [[Category:Television personalities]] [[Category:Television producers]] [[Category:Producers from the United States]] [[Category:Donald Trump| ]] [[Category:United States presidential candidates, 2016]] [[Category:United States presidential candidates, 2000]] [[Category:Conspiracy theorists]] [[Category:Republican Party (United States) politicians]] [[Category:University of Pennsylvania alumni]] [[Category:Businesspeople in real estate]] [[fi:Donald Trump]] [[Category:United States presidential candidates, 2024]] [[Category:People charged with crimes]] ghfrapawmxengfndxc7l74e346ty2s2 0 2730 3778832 3778301 2025-07-14T19:58:57Z Ficaia 3085955 3778832 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Euripides Pio-Clementino Inv302.jpg|thumb|right|In case of dissension, never dare to judge till you've heard the other side.]] '''[[w:Euripides|Euripides]]''' (Greek: Εὐριπίδης; c. [[480 BC]]–[[406 BC]]) was a [[:Category:Authors|Greek playwright]]. == Quotes == * '''The company of just and righteous men is better than wealth and a rich estate.''' ** ''Ægeus'', fragment 7 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed. 1892) * A bad beginning makes a bad ending. ** ''Æolus'', fragment 32 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * '''Time will explain it all.''' He is a talker, and needs no questioning before he speaks. ** ''Æolus'', fragment 38 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * The nobly born must nobly meet his fate. ** ''Alcmene'', fragment 100 (''Bartlett's'', 1892)<!--''Noblesse oblige''. — Bohn: ''Foreign Proverbs''--> * Waste not fresh tears over old griefs. ** ''Alexander'', fragment 44 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Ἡδύ τοι σωθέντα μεμνῆσθαι πόνων. ** Sweet is the remembrance of troubles when you are in safety. ** ''Andromeda'', fragment 10, 2 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--p. 472-->) * Woman is woman's natural ally. ** ''Alope'', fragment 109 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Man's best possession is a sympathetic wife. ** ''Antigone'', fragment 164 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Ignorance of one's misfortunes is clear gain. ** ''Antiope'', fragment 204 (''Bartlett's'', 1892); cf. [[William Davenant|Davenant]] [[File:Ватикан. Еврипид (Euripide) с актерской маской (ант.статуя) ~1859г 2640.jpg|thumb|right|Events will take their course, it is no good of being angry at them; he is happiest who wisely turns them to the best account.]] * '''Events will take their course, it is no good of being angry at them; he is happiest who wisely turns them to the best account.''' ** [[w:Bellerophon (play)|''Bellerophon'']], fragment 298, in [[Plutarch]], ''Moralia'', "De tranquillitate animi" (tr. [[w:Arthur Richard Shilleto|A. R. Shilleto]], 1888)<!--''Plutarch's Morals: Ethical Essays'' (1888) p. 293--> * '''Doth some one say that there be gods above? <br/>There are not; no, there are not. Let no fool, <br/>Led by the old false fable, thus deceive you.''' <br/>Look at the facts themselves, yielding my words <br/>No undue credence: for I say that kings <br/>Kill, rob, break oaths, lay cities waste by fraud, <br/>And doing thus are happier than those <br/>Who live calm pious lives day after day. All divinity <br/>Is built-up from our good and evil luck. ** ''Bellerophon'', fragment (tr. [[John Addington Symonds|J. A. Symonds]], 1879; rev. [[Maurice Bowra|C. M. Bowra]], 1938<!--First 11 lines by Symonds, ''Studies of the Greek Poets'', 2nd ser. (2nd ed., 1879) p. 294; completed by Bowra for ''The Oxford Book of Greek Verse in Translation'' (1938) p. 457-->) * ἁγὼ οὔτινι θύω πλὴν ἐμοὶ, θεοῖσι δ᾽ οὔ, <br/> καὶ τῇ μεγίστῃ γαστρὶ τῇδε δαιμόνων. ** I sacrifice to no god save myself — <br/> And to my belly, greatest of deities. ** [[w:Cyclops (play)|''Cyclops'']] (''c''. 424-23 BC) l. 334 (ed. Burton Stevenson, 1948<!--''The Home Book of Proverbs, Maxims and Familiar Phrases'' (New York: Macmillan Co., 1948) p. 165-->) **: To what other God but to myself <br/> And this great belly, first of deities, <br/> Should I be bound to sacrifice? <br/> (tr. [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|P. B. Shelley]], wr. 1819; pub. 1824) * I care for riches, to make gifts <br> To friends, or lead a sick man back to health<br> With ease and plenty. Else small aid is wealth <br> For daily gladness; once a man be done <br> With hunger, rich and poor are all as one. ** [[w:Electra (Euripides play)|''Electra'']] (413 BC) l. ? (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1906)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed. 1968--> * On behalf of all those dead<br>who learned their hatred of women long ago,<br>for those who hate them now, for those unborn<br>who shall live to hate them yet, I now declare<br>my firm conviction: neither earth nor ocean<br>produces a creature as savage and monstrous<br>as woman. ** [[w:Hecuba (play)|''Hecuba'']] (424 BC), ll. 1177-1182 (tr. William Arrowsmith, 1956<!--'''Euripides III'' (University of Chicago Press, 1956)-->) **: Let me tell you, if anyone in the past has spoken<br>ill of women, or speaks so now or will speak so<br>in the future, I’ll sum it up for him: Neither sea<br>nor land has ever produced a more monstrous<br>creature than woman.<br>(tr. Jay Kardan and Laura-Gray Street, 2011, in ''Didaskalia'', [https://didaskalia.net/issues/8/32/ vol. 8 no. 32]) * λόγος γάρ ἐστιν οὐκ ἐμός, σοφὸν δ᾽ ἔπος,<br>δεινῆς ἀνάγκης οὐδὲν ἰσχύειν πλέον. ** '''Nothing has more strength than dire necessity.''' ** [[w:Helen (play)|''Helen'']] (412 BC), l. 510 (tr. Richmond Lattimore, 1956), quoting "a saying" * Man's most valuable trait<br>is a judicious sense of what not to believe. ** ''Helen'', ll. 1617-1618 (tr. Richmond Lattimore, 1956) **: There is naught more serviceable to mankind than a prudent distrust. (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891)<!--''The Plays of Euripides'' (London: George Bell & Sons, 1891), 2 vols.--><!--Unsourced: "Nothing is more useful to mankind than a prudent distrust."--> * Who can decide a plea or judge a speech until he has heard plainly from both sides? ** ''Heraclidæ'' (''c''. 428 BC), [https://www.perseus.tufts.edu/hopper/text?doc=Perseus%3Atext%3A1999.01.0104%3Acard%3D134 ll. 179-180] (tr. David Kovacs), quoted by [[Aristophanes]] in ''The Wasps'' **: In case of dissension, never dare to judge till you've heard the other side. (''Forbes'', vol. 86 no. 10 (15 Nov. 1960) p. 70) * '''Leave no stone unturned.''' ** ''Heraclidæ'' (''c''. 428 BC), l. 1002 (''Bartlett's'', 1892)<!--cf. [[Samuel Butler (poet)|Butler]], ''Hudibras''--> * '''Ares hates those who hesitate.''' ** ''Heraclidæ'' (''c''. 428 BC) l. 722 (ed. H. L. Mencken, 1942, '60)<!--H. L. Mencken, ''A New Dictionary of Quotations on Historical Principles'' (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1942; 1960)--> **: Ares hates the sluggard most of all. (tr. David Kovacs) * Yet do I hold that mortal foolish who strives against the stress of necessity. ** ''Hercules Furens'', l. 281 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * O lady, nobility is thine, and thy form is the reflection of thy nature! ** [[w:Ion (play)|''Ion'']]<!--"Gon."--> (''c''. 421-408 BC) l. 238 (tr. E. F. Burr, 1880)<!--''Dio, the Athenian; or, From Olympus to Calvary'' (New York: Phillips & Hunt, 1880, ch. 17 epigraph (p. 385); also in J. K. Hoyt and Anna L. Ward, ''The Cyclopædia of Practical Quotations'' (New York: I. K. Funk & Co., 1882), p. 290--> * Authority is never without hate. ** ''Ion'' (c. 421-408 BC) l. ? (tr. Ronald F. Willetts, 1958) * Thou didst bring me forth for all the Greeks in common, not for thyself alone. ** [[w:Iphigenia in Aulis|''Iphigenia in Aulis'']], l. 1386 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * '''A coward turns away, but a brave man's choice is danger.''' ** [[w:Iphigenia in Tauris|''Iphigenia in Tauris'']] (''c''. 412 BC) l. 114 (tr. Richmond Lattimore, 1956) * '''There is in the worst of fortune the best of chances for a happy change.''' ** ''Iphigenia in Tauris'' (''c''. 412 BC) l. 721 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Toil, says the proverb, is the sire of fame. ** ''Licymnius'', fragment 477 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * A bad ending follows a bad beginning. ** ''Melanippe the Wise'', fragment (tr. E. F. Burr, 1880<!--Ch. 15 (p. 370)-->)<!--Unsourced variant: "A bad beginning makes a bad ending."--> [[File:Seated Euripides Louvre Ma343.jpg|thumb|right|When good men die their goodness does not perish, but lives though they are gone. As for the bad, all that was theirs dies and is buried with them.]] * '''Cowards do not count in battle; they are there, but not in it.''' ** ''Meleager'' fragment 523 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * A woman should be good for everything at home, but abroad good for nothing. ** ''Meleager'', fragment 525 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Silver and gold are not the only coin; virtue too passes current all over the world. ** ''Œdipus'', fragment 546 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Every man is like the company he is wont to keep. ** ''Phœnix'', fragment 812<!--or: 809--> (''Bartlett's'', 1892)<!--Unsourced variant: "He is like the very men whose company he enjoys."--> * Ὦ φιλόζωοι βροτοὶ,<br/>οἱ τὴν ἐπιστείχουσαν ἡμέραν ἰδεῖν<br/>οὕτως ἔρως βροτοῖσιν ἐγκεῖται βίου ** O ye life-loving mortals,<br/>Who ever long to see the coming day,<br/>Though ye be weighed down with a thousand sorrows!<br/>So strong the yearning of mankind for life. ** ''Phœnix'', fragment 12 (''Harbottle's'', 1897<!--T. B. Harbottle, [https://archive.org/stream/dictionaryquota04harbgoog#page/n556/mode/2up ''Dictionary of Quotations (Classical)''] (London: Swan Sonnenschein & Co., Ltd., 1897) p. 538-->) * Who knows but life be that which men call death,<br>And death what men call life? ** ''Phrixus'', fragment 830 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) **: Who knows if that be life which we call death,<br>And life be dying? (tr. J. A. Symonds, 1879)<!--''Studies of the Greek Poets'', 2nd ser. (2nd ed., 1879) p. 291 note--> * Whoso neglects learning in his youth, loses the past and is dead for the future. ** ''Phrixus'', fragment 927 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * The gods visit the sins of the fathers upon the children. ** ''Phrixus'', fragment 970 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Πᾶσιν γὰρ εὖ φρονοῦσι συμμαχεῖ τύχη. ** '''For chance fights ever on the side of the prudent.''' ** ''Pirithous'', adapted (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--p. 477-->) * "Η τοῖσιν εὐφρονοῦσι συμμαχεῖ τύχη. ** Fortune truly helps those who are of good judgement. ** ''Pirithous'' (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--p. 781 note-->) * Where two discourse, if the one's anger rise, <br> The man who lets the contest fall is wise. ** ''Protesilaus'', fragment 656, in Plutarch, ''Moralia'', "De liberis educandis" (tr. Several Hands, 1684) * '''Slight not what's near through aiming at what's far.''' ** [[w:Rhesus (play)|''Rhesus'']] (''c''. 435 BC) l. 482 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * '''For naught is there more sweet unto an aged sire than a daughter's love.''' ** [[w:The Suppliants (Euripides)|''The Suppliants'']] (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891)<!--Unsourced: '''For nothing is there more sweet unto an aged father than a daughter'''--> * Naught is more hostile to a city than a despot; where he is, there are in the first place no laws common to all, but one man is tyrant, in whose keeping and in his alone the law resides, and in that case equality is at an end. ** ''The Suppliants'' (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891) * '''When good men die their goodness does not perish, <br> But lives though they are gone.''' As for the bad, <br> All that was theirs dies and is buried with them. ** ''Temenidæ'', fragment 734 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * '''Helen''': What happened in my heart, to make me leave my home<br />And my own land, to follow where a stranger led?<br />Rail at the goddess; be more resolute than Zeus,<br />Who holds power over all other divinities<br />But is himself the slave of love. Show Aphrodite<br />Your indignation; me, pardon and sympathy.<br />'''Hecabe''': No; Paris was an extremely handsome man – one look,<br />And your appetite became your Aphrodite. Why,<br />Men's lawless lusts are all called love – it's a confusion<br />Easily made. ** ''[[w:The Trojan Women|Troades]]'' (c. 415 BC), ll. 946–950 and 987–990 (tr. Philip Vellacott, 1954) * ἡ γὰρ σιωπὴ τοῖς σοφοῖσ<br>ἀπόκρισις. ** Silence is an answer in the eyes of the wise. ** Unidentified play, [[Talk:Euripides#Source Information for "Silence is true wisdom's best reply."|fragment 977]] (tr. Christopher Collard and Martin Cropp, [[w:LoeB Classical Library|L504]])<!--cf. [[Honoré Gabriel Riqueti, comte de Mirabeau#Attributed|Mirabeau]]--> **: For silence is true wisdom's best reply. (tr. R. B. Appleton, 1927)<!--''Euripides the Idealist'' (London: J. M. Dent, 1927), p. 194--> === ''[[w:Alcestis|Alcestis]]'' (438 BC) === * Never say that marriage has more of joy than pain. ** l. 238 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1960) * A second wife <br> is hateful to the children of the first, <br> a viper is not more hateful. ** l. 309 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) * '''Oh, if I had [[w:Orpheus|Orpheus]]' voice and poetry <br>with which to move the Dark Maid and her Lord, <br>I'd call you back, dear love, from the world below.''' <br>I'd go down there for you. Charôn or the grim <br>King's dog could not prevent me then <br>from carrying you up into the fields of light. ** l. 358 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) * Light be the earth upon you, lightly rest. ** l. 462 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) * Old men's prayers for death are lying prayers, in which they abuse old age and long extent of life. But when death draws near, not one is willing to die, and age no longer is a burden to them. ** l. 669 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Dishonour will not trouble me, once I am dead. ** l. 726 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) * No one can confidently say that he will still be living tomorrow. ** ll. 783-4 (tr. Robert and Mary Collison, 1980)<!--''Dictionary of Foreign Quotations'' (New York: Facts on File, 1980) p. 114--> * Today's today. Tomorrow we may be<br>Ourselves gone down the drain of Eternity. ** l. 788 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) * '''I have found power in the mysteries of thought, <br> Exaltation in the changing of the Muses; <br> I have been versed in the reasonings of men; <br> But Fate is stronger than anything I have known.''' ** l. 962 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) * Time cancels young pain. ** l. 1085 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) === ''[[w:Medea (play)|Medea]]'' (431 BC) === * Of all things upon earth that bleed and grow,<br />'''A herb most bruised is [[woman]].''' ** Lines 230–231 (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1912) * The fountains of sacred rivers flow upwards. ** Line 409 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--p. 468-->) * The gifts of a bad man bring no good with them. ** Line 618 (''Bartlett's'', 1892)<!--Other translations: (1) ''The Hecuba, Orestes, Phœnician Virgins, and Medea, of Euripides; Literally Translated into English Prose, from the Text of Porson'' (Oxford: for D. A. Talboys, 1820), p. 214: "For the gifts of a bad man bring no assistance." (2) T. W. C. Edwards, ''The Medea, Literally Translated into English Prose, from the Text of Porson'' (London: Simpkin, Marshall, and Co., 1840: "For the gifts of a bad man have no avail."--> * Moderation, the noblest gift of Heaven. ** Line 636 (tr. [[Georgiana Chatterton]], 1863)<!--''The Heiress and Her Lovers'' (London: Richard Bentley, 1863), vol. 2 (front matter); cited in ''Bartlett's'', 1892--> * Of troubles none is greater than to be robbed of one’s native land. ** Line 653 (tr. David Kovacs) **: For nothing is like the sorrow or supersedes the sadness of losing your native land. (tr. [[w:Paul Roche|Paul Roche]], 1974) * πείθειν δῶρα καὶ θεοὺς λόγος ** It is said that gifts persuade even the gods. ** Line 964 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--W. Gurney Benham, ''A Book of Quotations'' (1907), p. 470-->)<!--also in ''Hoyt's'' (1922), p. 311--> * I know, indeed, the evil of that I purpose; but my inclination gets the better of my judgment. ** Line 1078 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * χαλεπὰ γὰρ βροτοῖς ὁμογενῆ μιά-<br>σματ᾽, ἕπεται δ᾽ ἅμ᾽ αὐτοφόνταις ξυνῳ-<br>δὰ θεόθεν πίτνοντ᾽ ἐπὶ δόμοις ἄχη. ** Grievous for mortals is the stain of kindred blood. For the murderers are dogged by woes harmonious with their deeds, sent by the gods upon their houses. ** Lines 1268-1270 (tr. David Kovacs) === ''[[w:Hippolytus (play)|Hippolytus]]'' (428 BC) === [[File:Death Hippolytus Lemoyne Louvre MR2026.jpg|thumb|right|There is one thing alone that stands the brunt of life throughout its course: a quiet conscience.]] * μόνον δὲ τοῦτό φασ᾽ ἁμιλλᾶσθαι βίῳ,<br>γνώμην δικαίαν κἀγαθήν ὅτῳ παρῇ ** Only one thing, they say, competes in value with life, the possession of a heart blameless and good. ** ll. 426-427 (tr. David Kovacs) * In this world second thoughts, it seems, are best. ** l. 435<!--or: 438--> (tr. [[w:David Grene|David Grene]], 1942<!--''Three Greek Tragedies in Translation'' (University of Chicago Press, 1942), p. 188-->) **: Among mortals second thoughts are the wisest. (tr. [[w:Theodore Alois Buckley|T. A. W. Buckley]], 1850<!--''The Tragedies of Euripides (Henry G. Bohn, 1850), 2 vols.-->) <br> Second thoughts are ever wiser. (''Bartlett's'', 1892) <br> Among mortals second thoughts are wisest. (''Hoyt's'', 1882<!--p. 419-->) * ἡ γλῶσσ᾽ ὀμώμοχ᾽, ἡ δὲ φρὴν ἀνώμοτος ** 'Twas but my tongue, 'twas not my soul that swore. ** l. 612 (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1902) **: My tongue swore, but my mind was still unpledged. (tr. David Grene, 1942) * '''The credit we get for wisdom is measured by our success.''' ** l. 701 (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891) === ''[[w:Orestes (play)|Orestes]]'' (408 BC) === [[File:Orestes Pursued by the Furies by William-Adolphe Bouguereau (1862) - Google Art Project.jpg |thumb|right|''The Remorse of Orestes'' by William-Adolphe Bouguereau]] * '''Love is all we have, the only way that each can help the other.''' ** l. 298 (tr. [[w:William Arrowsmith|William Arrowsmith]], 1958<!--''Euripides IV'' (University of Chicago Press, 1958)-->) * Ὅταν γὰρ ἡδὺς τοῖς λόγοις, φρονῶν κακῶς <br> πείθῃ τὸ πλῆθος, τῇ πόλει κακὸν μέγα. ** When one with honeyed words but evil mind<br> Persuades the mob, great woes befall the state. ** l. 907 (''Harbottle's'', 1897<!--p. 447-->) === ''[[w:The Phoenician Women|The Phoenician Women]]''<!--c. 411-409 BC?--> === * ἓν μὲν μέγιστον, οὐκ ἔχει παρρησίαν. * [T]his is slavery, not to speak one’s thought. ** Line 392, Jocasta (tr. Elizabeth Wyckoff, 1958<!--''Euripides IV'' (University of Chicago Press, 1958) p. 472-->) **: Who dares not speak his free thoughts is a slave. (tr. [[w:Robert Potter (translator)|R. Potter]], 1823<!--''The Tragedies of Euripides'' (Oxford: W. Baxter, 1823), 2 vols.-->) * ἁπλοῦς ὁ μῦθος τῆς ἀληθείας ἔφυ, <br> κοὐ ποικίλων δεῖ τἄνδιχ᾽ ἑρμηνευμάτων ** The words of truth are simple, and justice needs no subtle interpretations, for it hath a fitness in itself. ** Lines 469–470 (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891<!--Revised by George Panagiotou: "The words of truth are naturally simple, and justice needs no subtle interpretations, for it has a fitness in itself."-->) === ''[[w:The Bacchae|The Bacchae]]'' (405 BC) === [[File:Euripides altes Museum.jpg|thumb|right|Humility, a sense of reverence before the sons of heaven — of all the prizes that a mortal man might win, these, I say, are wisest; these are best.]] * But cleverness is not wisdom, nor is the thinking on things unfit for mortals. ** Line 395 (tr. [[w:Theodore Alois Buckley|T. A. W. Buckley]], 1850)<!--Unsourced: "Cleverness is not wisdom. And not to think mortal thoughts is to see few days."--> * '''Dionysus''': He who believes needs no explanation.<br /> '''Pentheus''': What's the worth in believing worthless things? <br />'''Dionysus''': Much worth, but not worth telling you, it seems. ** Line 472 (tr. [[w:Colin Teevan|Colin Teevan]], 2002) * '''Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.''' ** Lines 479-480 (tr. William Arrowsmith, 1958) **: To the fool, he who speaks wisdom will sound foolish. (''Bartlett's'', 13th ed. 1955) **: He were a fool, methinks, who would utter wisdom to a fool. (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891) **: Wise words being brought to blinded eyes will seem as things of nought. (tr. [[Gilbert Murray]], 1902) * '''Slow but sure moves the might of the gods.''' (''Bartlett's'', 14th ed. 1968) ** Line 882 **: Slowly but surely withal moveth the might of the gods. (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed. 1892) * χρηστοῖσι δούλοις συμφορὰ τὰ δεσποτῶν. ** The misfortunes of their masters are a concern to good servants. ** Line 1028 (tr. [[w:Theodore Alois Buckley|T. A. W. Buckley]], 1850)<!--Unsourced translation: "Good slaves [are affected by] the adversities of their masters."--> note: the original sentence does not contain any verb * '''Humility, a sense of reverence before the sons of heaven — of all the prizes that a mortal man might win, these, I say, are wisest; these are best.''' ** Line 1150 (tr. William Arrowsmith, 1958) {{Disputed begin}} == Disputed == * Σοφὸς ἦν τις, ὃς τὸ θεῖον εἰσηγήσατο. ** '''I maintain, <br> Some shrewd man first, a man in counsel wise,<br>Discovered unto men the fear of Gods,<br>Thereby to frighten sinners should they sin <br>E'en secretly in deed, or word, or thought.''' ** [[w:Sisyphus fragment|Sisyphus fragment]], in [[Sextus Empiricus]], ''Against the Physicists'', bk. 1 sec. 54 (tr. R. G. Bury, [[w:Loeb Classical Library|L311]])<!--Revised by J. Garrett: "I think, / Some shrewd man first, a man in judgment wise, / Found for mortals the fear of gods, / Thereby to frighten the wicked should they / Even act or speak or scheme in secret."--> **: He was a wise man who originated the idea of God. (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--p. 478-->) * Most cunning doctrine did he introduce,<br>The truth concealing under speech untrue.<br>The place he spoke of as the God's abode<br>Was that whereby he could affright men most,—<br>The place from which, he knew, both terrors came<br>And easements unto men of toilsome life—<br>To wit the vault above, wherein do dwell<br>The lightnings, he beheld, and awesome claps<br>Of thunder, and the starry face of heaven,<br>Fair-spangled by that cunning craftsman Time,—<br>Whence, too, the meteor's glowing mass doth speed<br>And liquid rain descends upon the earth. ** Sisyphus fragment (tr. R. G. Bury, L311)<!--Revised by J. Garrett: The sweetest teaching did he introduce, / Concealing truth under untrue speech. / The place he spoke of as the gods' abode<br>Was that by which he might awe humans most, — / The place from which, he knew, terrors came to mortals / And things advantageous in their wearisome life — / The revolving heaven above, in which dwell / The lightnings, and awesome claps / Of thunder, and the starry face of heaven, / Beautiful and intricate by that wise craftsman Time, — / From which, too, the meteor's glowing mass speeds / And wet thunderstorm pours forth upon the earth.--> * I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right. ** Supposedly in ''The Suppliants'' [https://archive.org/search?query=%22shall+find+scholars+later+to+demonstrate%22&sin=TXT&sort=date] ** Also attributed to [[Frederick the Great]] of Prussia {{Disputed end}} {{Misattributed begin}} == Misattributed == * Account no man happy till he dies. ** [[Sophocles]], ''Oedipus Rex'' l. 1529 ** Cf. [[Herodotus]], bk. 1 ch. 32: But refrain from calling him fortunate before he dies; call him lucky. (tr. A. D. Godley, 1920) * Circumstances rule men and not men circumstances. ** [[Herodotus]], Book 7, Ch. 49; Misattributed to Euripedes in "The Imperial Four" by Professor Creasy in ''Bentley's Miscellany'' Vol. 33 (January 1853), p. 22 ** Variant translation: Circumstances rule men; men do not rule circumstances. * Those whom the gods wish to destroy they first make mad. ** Anonymous ancient proverb, wrongly attributed to Euripides. The version here is quoted as a "heathen proverb" in ''Daniel, a Model for Young Men'' (1854) by William Anderson Scott. The origin of the misattribution to Euripides is unknown. Several variants are quoted in ancient texts, as follows. ** Variants and derived paraphrases: *** For cunningly of old <br>was the celebrated saying revealed: <br>evil sometimes seems good <br>to a man whose mind <br>a god leads to destruction. **** Sophocles, ''Antigone'' 620-3, a play pre-dating any of Euripides' surviving plays. An ancient commentary explains the passage as a paraphrase of the following, from another, earlier poet. *** When a god plans harm against a man, <br> he first damages the mind of the man he is plotting against. **** Quoted in the ''scholia vetera'' to Sophocles' ''Antigone'' 620ff., without attribution. The meter (iambic trimeter) suggests that the source of the quotation is a tragic play. *** For whenever the anger of divine spirits harms someone, <br>it first does this: it steals away his mind <br>and good sense, and turns his thought to foolishness,''' <br>so that he should know nothing of his mistakes. **** Attributed to "some of the old poets" by [[w:Lycurgus of Athens|Lycurgus of Athens]] in his ''Oratio In Leocratem'' [''Oration Against Leocrates''], section 92. Again, the meter suggests that the source is a tragic play. These lines are misattributed to the much earlier semi-mythical statesman [[w:Lycurgus of Sparta|Lycurgus of Sparta]] in a footnote of recent editions of ''[[w:Bartlett's Familiar Quotations|Bartlett's Familiar Quotations]]'' and other works. *** The gods do nothing until they have blinded the minds of the wicked. **** Variant in ''''Dictionary of Quotations (Classical)'' (1906), compiled by Thomas Benfield Harbottle, p. 433. *** Whom Fortune wishes to destroy she first makes mad.''' **** [[Publilius Syrus]], Maxim 911 *** The devil when he purports any evil against man, first perverts his mind. **** As quoted by [[w:Athenagoras of Athens|Athenagoras of Athens]] in ''Legatio Pro Christianis''. *** ''quem Iuppiter vult perdere, dementat prius.'' **** "Whom Jupiter wishes to destroy, he first sends mad"; neo-Latin version. Similar wording is found in [[w:James Duport|James Duport]]'s ''Homeri Gnomologia'' (1660), p. 234. "A maxim of obscure origin which may have been invented in Cambridge about 1640" -- Taylor, ''The Proverb'' (1931). Probably a variant of the line "He whom the gods love dies young", derived from [[Menander]]'s play ''The Double Deceiver'' via [[Plautus]] (''Bacchides'' 816-7). *** ''quem'' (or ''quos'') ''Deus perdere vult, dementat prius.'' **** Whom God wishes to destroy, he first sends mad. *** '''Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad.''' **** This variant is spoken by [[w:Prometheus|Prometheus]], in ''The Masque of Pandora'' (1875) by [[Henry Wadsworth Longfellow]] *** Those whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad. **** As quoted in ''George Fox Interpreted: The Religion, Revelations, Motives and Mission of George Fox'' (1881) by Thomas Ellwood Longshore, p. 154 *** Those whom God wishes to destroy, he first makes mad. **** As quoted in ''[[w:Bartlett's Familiar Quotations|Bartlett's Familiar Quotations]]'' 16th edition (1992) *** Nor do the gods appear in warrior's armour clad <br> To strike them down with sword and spear <br> Those whom they would destroy <br> They first make mad. **** Bhartṛhari, 7th c. AD; as quoted in John Brough, ''Poems from the Sanskrit'', (1968), p, 67 *** ''vināśakāle viparītabuddhiḥ'' **** Sanskrit Saying (also in ''Jatak katha''): "When a man is to be destroyed, his intelligence becomes self-destructive." ** Modern derivatives: The proverb's meaning is changed in many English versions from the 20th and 21st centuries that start with the proverb's first half (through "they") and then end with a phrase that replaces "first make mad" or "make mad." Such versions can be found at Internet search engines by using either of the two keyword phrases that are on Page 2 and Page 4 of the webpage "[http://www.bu.edu/av/celop2/not_ESL/pick_any_wrong_card.pdf Pick any Wrong Card]." The rest of that webpage is frameworks that induce a reader to compose new variations on this proverb. {{Misattributed end}} == Quotes about Euripides == * [[Sophocles]] said that he drew men as they ought to be; Euripides, as they are. ** [[Aristotle]], ''Poetics'', ch. 25 (trans. S. H. Butcher) * I could not bear Euripides at college. I now read my recantation. He has faults undoubtedly. But what a poet! The [[w:Medea (play)|Medea]], the [[w:Alcestis (play)|Alcestis]], the [[w:The Trojan Women|Troades]], the [[w:The Bacchae|Bacchæ]], are alone sufficient to place him in the very first rank. ** [[Thomas Babington Macaulay]] to Thomas Flower Ellis (8 February 1835), quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 431 * The [[w:Orestes (play)|Orestes]] is one of the very finest plays in the Greek language. Among those of Euripides, I should place it next to the Medea and the Bacchæ. It has some very real faults; but it possesses that strong human interest which neither [[Aeschylus|Æschylus]] nor [[Sophocles]],—poets in many respects far superior to Euripides,—ever gave to their dramas. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 474 * The Bacchæ is a most glorious play. I doubt whether it be not superior to the Medea. It is often very obscure; and I am not sure that I fully understand its general scope. But, as a piece of language, it is hardly equalled in the world. And, whether it was intended to encourage or to discourage fanaticism, the picture of fanatical excitement which it exhibits has never been rivalled. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), pp. 474-475 == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{Commonscat|Euripides}} {{wikisource author|Euripides}} * {{gutenberg author| id=Euripides | name=Euripides}} * [http://www.fordham.edu/halsall/ancient/eb11-euripides.html Article in ''Encyclopaedia Britannica'' (11th edition) at Fordham University] * [http://www.perseus.tufts.edu/cgi-bin/vor?x=0&y=0&lookup=Euripides Euripides-related materials at the Perseus Digital Library] * [http://www.theatrehistory.com/ancient/euripides001.html "Euripedes and His Tragedies" at TheatreHistory.com] * [http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0262381/ IMDBs List of movies based on Euripides plays] * [https://www.ellopos.net/elpenor/greek-texts/ancient-greece/euripides.asp Euripides Resources] {{DEFAULTSORT:Euripides}} [[Category:Poets from Greece]] [[Category:Playwrights from Greece]] [[Category:BCE births]] [[Category:BCE deaths]] [[Category:People from Athens]] s4j014ye4o7k0qt4zziwii77br7fafa 3778885 3778832 2025-07-14T21:34:38Z Ficaia 3085955 /* Alcestis (438 BC) */ 3778885 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Euripides Pio-Clementino Inv302.jpg|thumb|right|In case of dissension, never dare to judge till you've heard the other side.]] '''[[w:Euripides|Euripides]]''' (Greek: Εὐριπίδης; c. [[480 BC]]–[[406 BC]]) was a [[:Category:Authors|Greek playwright]]. == Quotes == * '''The company of just and righteous men is better than wealth and a rich estate.''' ** ''Ægeus'', fragment 7 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed. 1892) * A bad beginning makes a bad ending. ** ''Æolus'', fragment 32 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * '''Time will explain it all.''' He is a talker, and needs no questioning before he speaks. ** ''Æolus'', fragment 38 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * The nobly born must nobly meet his fate. ** ''Alcmene'', fragment 100 (''Bartlett's'', 1892)<!--''Noblesse oblige''. — Bohn: ''Foreign Proverbs''--> * Waste not fresh tears over old griefs. ** ''Alexander'', fragment 44 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Ἡδύ τοι σωθέντα μεμνῆσθαι πόνων. ** Sweet is the remembrance of troubles when you are in safety. ** ''Andromeda'', fragment 10, 2 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--p. 472-->) * Woman is woman's natural ally. ** ''Alope'', fragment 109 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Man's best possession is a sympathetic wife. ** ''Antigone'', fragment 164 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Ignorance of one's misfortunes is clear gain. ** ''Antiope'', fragment 204 (''Bartlett's'', 1892); cf. [[William Davenant|Davenant]] [[File:Ватикан. Еврипид (Euripide) с актерской маской (ант.статуя) ~1859г 2640.jpg|thumb|right|Events will take their course, it is no good of being angry at them; he is happiest who wisely turns them to the best account.]] * '''Events will take their course, it is no good of being angry at them; he is happiest who wisely turns them to the best account.''' ** [[w:Bellerophon (play)|''Bellerophon'']], fragment 298, in [[Plutarch]], ''Moralia'', "De tranquillitate animi" (tr. [[w:Arthur Richard Shilleto|A. R. Shilleto]], 1888)<!--''Plutarch's Morals: Ethical Essays'' (1888) p. 293--> * '''Doth some one say that there be gods above? <br/>There are not; no, there are not. Let no fool, <br/>Led by the old false fable, thus deceive you.''' <br/>Look at the facts themselves, yielding my words <br/>No undue credence: for I say that kings <br/>Kill, rob, break oaths, lay cities waste by fraud, <br/>And doing thus are happier than those <br/>Who live calm pious lives day after day. All divinity <br/>Is built-up from our good and evil luck. ** ''Bellerophon'', fragment (tr. [[John Addington Symonds|J. A. Symonds]], 1879; rev. [[Maurice Bowra|C. M. Bowra]], 1938<!--First 11 lines by Symonds, ''Studies of the Greek Poets'', 2nd ser. (2nd ed., 1879) p. 294; completed by Bowra for ''The Oxford Book of Greek Verse in Translation'' (1938) p. 457-->) * ἁγὼ οὔτινι θύω πλὴν ἐμοὶ, θεοῖσι δ᾽ οὔ, <br/> καὶ τῇ μεγίστῃ γαστρὶ τῇδε δαιμόνων. ** I sacrifice to no god save myself — <br/> And to my belly, greatest of deities. ** [[w:Cyclops (play)|''Cyclops'']] (''c''. 424-23 BC) l. 334 (ed. Burton Stevenson, 1948<!--''The Home Book of Proverbs, Maxims and Familiar Phrases'' (New York: Macmillan Co., 1948) p. 165-->) **: To what other God but to myself <br/> And this great belly, first of deities, <br/> Should I be bound to sacrifice? <br/> (tr. [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|P. B. Shelley]], wr. 1819; pub. 1824) * I care for riches, to make gifts <br> To friends, or lead a sick man back to health<br> With ease and plenty. Else small aid is wealth <br> For daily gladness; once a man be done <br> With hunger, rich and poor are all as one. ** [[w:Electra (Euripides play)|''Electra'']] (413 BC) l. ? (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1906)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed. 1968--> * On behalf of all those dead<br>who learned their hatred of women long ago,<br>for those who hate them now, for those unborn<br>who shall live to hate them yet, I now declare<br>my firm conviction: neither earth nor ocean<br>produces a creature as savage and monstrous<br>as woman. ** [[w:Hecuba (play)|''Hecuba'']] (424 BC), ll. 1177-1182 (tr. William Arrowsmith, 1956<!--'''Euripides III'' (University of Chicago Press, 1956)-->) **: Let me tell you, if anyone in the past has spoken<br>ill of women, or speaks so now or will speak so<br>in the future, I’ll sum it up for him: Neither sea<br>nor land has ever produced a more monstrous<br>creature than woman.<br>(tr. Jay Kardan and Laura-Gray Street, 2011, in ''Didaskalia'', [https://didaskalia.net/issues/8/32/ vol. 8 no. 32]) * λόγος γάρ ἐστιν οὐκ ἐμός, σοφὸν δ᾽ ἔπος,<br>δεινῆς ἀνάγκης οὐδὲν ἰσχύειν πλέον. ** '''Nothing has more strength than dire necessity.''' ** [[w:Helen (play)|''Helen'']] (412 BC), l. 510 (tr. Richmond Lattimore, 1956), quoting "a saying" * Man's most valuable trait<br>is a judicious sense of what not to believe. ** ''Helen'', ll. 1617-1618 (tr. Richmond Lattimore, 1956) **: There is naught more serviceable to mankind than a prudent distrust. (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891)<!--''The Plays of Euripides'' (London: George Bell & Sons, 1891), 2 vols.--><!--Unsourced: "Nothing is more useful to mankind than a prudent distrust."--> * Who can decide a plea or judge a speech until he has heard plainly from both sides? ** ''Heraclidæ'' (''c''. 428 BC), [https://www.perseus.tufts.edu/hopper/text?doc=Perseus%3Atext%3A1999.01.0104%3Acard%3D134 ll. 179-180] (tr. David Kovacs), quoted by [[Aristophanes]] in ''The Wasps'' **: In case of dissension, never dare to judge till you've heard the other side. (''Forbes'', vol. 86 no. 10 (15 Nov. 1960) p. 70) * '''Leave no stone unturned.''' ** ''Heraclidæ'' (''c''. 428 BC), l. 1002 (''Bartlett's'', 1892)<!--cf. [[Samuel Butler (poet)|Butler]], ''Hudibras''--> * '''Ares hates those who hesitate.''' ** ''Heraclidæ'' (''c''. 428 BC) l. 722 (ed. H. L. Mencken, 1942, '60)<!--H. L. Mencken, ''A New Dictionary of Quotations on Historical Principles'' (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1942; 1960)--> **: Ares hates the sluggard most of all. (tr. David Kovacs) * Yet do I hold that mortal foolish who strives against the stress of necessity. ** ''Hercules Furens'', l. 281 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * O lady, nobility is thine, and thy form is the reflection of thy nature! ** [[w:Ion (play)|''Ion'']]<!--"Gon."--> (''c''. 421-408 BC) l. 238 (tr. E. F. Burr, 1880)<!--''Dio, the Athenian; or, From Olympus to Calvary'' (New York: Phillips & Hunt, 1880, ch. 17 epigraph (p. 385); also in J. K. Hoyt and Anna L. Ward, ''The Cyclopædia of Practical Quotations'' (New York: I. K. Funk & Co., 1882), p. 290--> * Authority is never without hate. ** ''Ion'' (c. 421-408 BC) l. ? (tr. Ronald F. Willetts, 1958) * Thou didst bring me forth for all the Greeks in common, not for thyself alone. ** [[w:Iphigenia in Aulis|''Iphigenia in Aulis'']], l. 1386 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * '''A coward turns away, but a brave man's choice is danger.''' ** [[w:Iphigenia in Tauris|''Iphigenia in Tauris'']] (''c''. 412 BC) l. 114 (tr. Richmond Lattimore, 1956) * '''There is in the worst of fortune the best of chances for a happy change.''' ** ''Iphigenia in Tauris'' (''c''. 412 BC) l. 721 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Toil, says the proverb, is the sire of fame. ** ''Licymnius'', fragment 477 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * A bad ending follows a bad beginning. ** ''Melanippe the Wise'', fragment (tr. E. F. Burr, 1880<!--Ch. 15 (p. 370)-->)<!--Unsourced variant: "A bad beginning makes a bad ending."--> [[File:Seated Euripides Louvre Ma343.jpg|thumb|right|When good men die their goodness does not perish, but lives though they are gone. As for the bad, all that was theirs dies and is buried with them.]] * '''Cowards do not count in battle; they are there, but not in it.''' ** ''Meleager'' fragment 523 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * A woman should be good for everything at home, but abroad good for nothing. ** ''Meleager'', fragment 525 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Silver and gold are not the only coin; virtue too passes current all over the world. ** ''Œdipus'', fragment 546 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Every man is like the company he is wont to keep. ** ''Phœnix'', fragment 812<!--or: 809--> (''Bartlett's'', 1892)<!--Unsourced variant: "He is like the very men whose company he enjoys."--> * Ὦ φιλόζωοι βροτοὶ,<br/>οἱ τὴν ἐπιστείχουσαν ἡμέραν ἰδεῖν<br/>οὕτως ἔρως βροτοῖσιν ἐγκεῖται βίου ** O ye life-loving mortals,<br/>Who ever long to see the coming day,<br/>Though ye be weighed down with a thousand sorrows!<br/>So strong the yearning of mankind for life. ** ''Phœnix'', fragment 12 (''Harbottle's'', 1897<!--T. B. Harbottle, [https://archive.org/stream/dictionaryquota04harbgoog#page/n556/mode/2up ''Dictionary of Quotations (Classical)''] (London: Swan Sonnenschein & Co., Ltd., 1897) p. 538-->) * Who knows but life be that which men call death,<br>And death what men call life? ** ''Phrixus'', fragment 830 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) **: Who knows if that be life which we call death,<br>And life be dying? (tr. J. A. Symonds, 1879)<!--''Studies of the Greek Poets'', 2nd ser. (2nd ed., 1879) p. 291 note--> * Whoso neglects learning in his youth, loses the past and is dead for the future. ** ''Phrixus'', fragment 927 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * The gods visit the sins of the fathers upon the children. ** ''Phrixus'', fragment 970 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Πᾶσιν γὰρ εὖ φρονοῦσι συμμαχεῖ τύχη. ** '''For chance fights ever on the side of the prudent.''' ** ''Pirithous'', adapted (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--p. 477-->) * "Η τοῖσιν εὐφρονοῦσι συμμαχεῖ τύχη. ** Fortune truly helps those who are of good judgement. ** ''Pirithous'' (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--p. 781 note-->) * Where two discourse, if the one's anger rise, <br> The man who lets the contest fall is wise. ** ''Protesilaus'', fragment 656, in Plutarch, ''Moralia'', "De liberis educandis" (tr. Several Hands, 1684) * '''Slight not what's near through aiming at what's far.''' ** [[w:Rhesus (play)|''Rhesus'']] (''c''. 435 BC) l. 482 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * '''For naught is there more sweet unto an aged sire than a daughter's love.''' ** [[w:The Suppliants (Euripides)|''The Suppliants'']] (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891)<!--Unsourced: '''For nothing is there more sweet unto an aged father than a daughter'''--> * Naught is more hostile to a city than a despot; where he is, there are in the first place no laws common to all, but one man is tyrant, in whose keeping and in his alone the law resides, and in that case equality is at an end. ** ''The Suppliants'' (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891) * '''When good men die their goodness does not perish, <br> But lives though they are gone.''' As for the bad, <br> All that was theirs dies and is buried with them. ** ''Temenidæ'', fragment 734 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * '''Helen''': What happened in my heart, to make me leave my home<br />And my own land, to follow where a stranger led?<br />Rail at the goddess; be more resolute than Zeus,<br />Who holds power over all other divinities<br />But is himself the slave of love. Show Aphrodite<br />Your indignation; me, pardon and sympathy.<br />'''Hecabe''': No; Paris was an extremely handsome man – one look,<br />And your appetite became your Aphrodite. Why,<br />Men's lawless lusts are all called love – it's a confusion<br />Easily made. ** ''[[w:The Trojan Women|Troades]]'' (c. 415 BC), ll. 946–950 and 987–990 (tr. Philip Vellacott, 1954) * ἡ γὰρ σιωπὴ τοῖς σοφοῖσ<br>ἀπόκρισις. ** Silence is an answer in the eyes of the wise. ** Unidentified play, [[Talk:Euripides#Source Information for "Silence is true wisdom's best reply."|fragment 977]] (tr. Christopher Collard and Martin Cropp, [[w:LoeB Classical Library|L504]])<!--cf. [[Honoré Gabriel Riqueti, comte de Mirabeau#Attributed|Mirabeau]]--> **: For silence is true wisdom's best reply. (tr. R. B. Appleton, 1927)<!--''Euripides the Idealist'' (London: J. M. Dent, 1927), p. 194--> === ''[[w:Alcestis|Alcestis]]'' (438 BC) === * Never say that marriage has more of joy than pain. ** l. 238 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1960) * A second wife <br> is hateful to the children of the first, <br> a viper is not more hateful. ** l. 309 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) * '''Oh, if I had [[w:Orpheus|Orpheus]]' voice and poetry <br>with which to move the Dark Maid and her Lord, <br>I'd call you back, dear love, from the world below.''' <br>I'd go down there for you. Charôn or the grim <br>King's dog could not prevent me then <br>from carrying you up into the fields of light. ** l. 358 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) * Κούφα σοι χθὼν ἐπάνωθε πέσοι. * Light be the earth upon you, lightly rest. ** l. 462 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960)<!--Thus petitions the Chorus over the dead body of the heroine, untimely rapt away. Cf. [[Martial]], 9, 30, 11: ''Sit tibi terra levis'' (abbrev. ''S.T.T.L.'')—"May earth lie light upon thee." Common funeral inscription. [[Ovid]], in the same spirit, prays for the repose of [[Tibullus]], ''Amores, 3, 9, 67), ''Ossa quieta precor tuta requiescite in urna, / Et sit humus cineri non onerosa tuo.''—"Inurned in peace, may thy bones rest, I pray; / And on thy ashes earth no burden lay." —''Classical and Foreign Quotations'' (1904) no. 2578--> * Old men's prayers for death are lying prayers, in which they abuse old age and long extent of life. But when death draws near, not one is willing to die, and age no longer is a burden to them. ** l. 669 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Dishonour will not trouble me, once I am dead. ** l. 726 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) * No one can confidently say that he will still be living tomorrow. ** ll. 783-4 (tr. Robert and Mary Collison, 1980)<!--''Dictionary of Foreign Quotations'' (New York: Facts on File, 1980) p. 114--> * Today's today. Tomorrow we may be<br>Ourselves gone down the drain of Eternity. ** l. 788 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) * '''I have found power in the mysteries of thought, <br> Exaltation in the changing of the Muses; <br> I have been versed in the reasonings of men; <br> But Fate is stronger than anything I have known.''' ** l. 962 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) * Time cancels young pain. ** l. 1085 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) === ''[[w:Medea (play)|Medea]]'' (431 BC) === * Of all things upon earth that bleed and grow,<br />'''A herb most bruised is [[woman]].''' ** Lines 230–231 (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1912) * The fountains of sacred rivers flow upwards. ** Line 409 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--p. 468-->) * The gifts of a bad man bring no good with them. ** Line 618 (''Bartlett's'', 1892)<!--Other translations: (1) ''The Hecuba, Orestes, Phœnician Virgins, and Medea, of Euripides; Literally Translated into English Prose, from the Text of Porson'' (Oxford: for D. A. Talboys, 1820), p. 214: "For the gifts of a bad man bring no assistance." (2) T. W. C. Edwards, ''The Medea, Literally Translated into English Prose, from the Text of Porson'' (London: Simpkin, Marshall, and Co., 1840: "For the gifts of a bad man have no avail."--> * Moderation, the noblest gift of Heaven. ** Line 636 (tr. [[Georgiana Chatterton]], 1863)<!--''The Heiress and Her Lovers'' (London: Richard Bentley, 1863), vol. 2 (front matter); cited in ''Bartlett's'', 1892--> * Of troubles none is greater than to be robbed of one’s native land. ** Line 653 (tr. David Kovacs) **: For nothing is like the sorrow or supersedes the sadness of losing your native land. (tr. [[w:Paul Roche|Paul Roche]], 1974) * πείθειν δῶρα καὶ θεοὺς λόγος ** It is said that gifts persuade even the gods. ** Line 964 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--W. Gurney Benham, ''A Book of Quotations'' (1907), p. 470-->)<!--also in ''Hoyt's'' (1922), p. 311--> * I know, indeed, the evil of that I purpose; but my inclination gets the better of my judgment. ** Line 1078 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * χαλεπὰ γὰρ βροτοῖς ὁμογενῆ μιά-<br>σματ᾽, ἕπεται δ᾽ ἅμ᾽ αὐτοφόνταις ξυνῳ-<br>δὰ θεόθεν πίτνοντ᾽ ἐπὶ δόμοις ἄχη. ** Grievous for mortals is the stain of kindred blood. For the murderers are dogged by woes harmonious with their deeds, sent by the gods upon their houses. ** Lines 1268-1270 (tr. David Kovacs) === ''[[w:Hippolytus (play)|Hippolytus]]'' (428 BC) === [[File:Death Hippolytus Lemoyne Louvre MR2026.jpg|thumb|right|There is one thing alone that stands the brunt of life throughout its course: a quiet conscience.]] * μόνον δὲ τοῦτό φασ᾽ ἁμιλλᾶσθαι βίῳ,<br>γνώμην δικαίαν κἀγαθήν ὅτῳ παρῇ ** Only one thing, they say, competes in value with life, the possession of a heart blameless and good. ** ll. 426-427 (tr. David Kovacs) * In this world second thoughts, it seems, are best. ** l. 435<!--or: 438--> (tr. [[w:David Grene|David Grene]], 1942<!--''Three Greek Tragedies in Translation'' (University of Chicago Press, 1942), p. 188-->) **: Among mortals second thoughts are the wisest. (tr. [[w:Theodore Alois Buckley|T. A. W. Buckley]], 1850<!--''The Tragedies of Euripides (Henry G. Bohn, 1850), 2 vols.-->) <br> Second thoughts are ever wiser. (''Bartlett's'', 1892) <br> Among mortals second thoughts are wisest. (''Hoyt's'', 1882<!--p. 419-->) * ἡ γλῶσσ᾽ ὀμώμοχ᾽, ἡ δὲ φρὴν ἀνώμοτος ** 'Twas but my tongue, 'twas not my soul that swore. ** l. 612 (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1902) **: My tongue swore, but my mind was still unpledged. (tr. David Grene, 1942) * '''The credit we get for wisdom is measured by our success.''' ** l. 701 (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891) === ''[[w:Orestes (play)|Orestes]]'' (408 BC) === [[File:Orestes Pursued by the Furies by William-Adolphe Bouguereau (1862) - Google Art Project.jpg |thumb|right|''The Remorse of Orestes'' by William-Adolphe Bouguereau]] * '''Love is all we have, the only way that each can help the other.''' ** l. 298 (tr. [[w:William Arrowsmith|William Arrowsmith]], 1958<!--''Euripides IV'' (University of Chicago Press, 1958)-->) * Ὅταν γὰρ ἡδὺς τοῖς λόγοις, φρονῶν κακῶς <br> πείθῃ τὸ πλῆθος, τῇ πόλει κακὸν μέγα. ** When one with honeyed words but evil mind<br> Persuades the mob, great woes befall the state. ** l. 907 (''Harbottle's'', 1897<!--p. 447-->) === ''[[w:The Phoenician Women|The Phoenician Women]]''<!--c. 411-409 BC?--> === * ἓν μὲν μέγιστον, οὐκ ἔχει παρρησίαν. * [T]his is slavery, not to speak one’s thought. ** Line 392, Jocasta (tr. Elizabeth Wyckoff, 1958<!--''Euripides IV'' (University of Chicago Press, 1958) p. 472-->) **: Who dares not speak his free thoughts is a slave. (tr. [[w:Robert Potter (translator)|R. Potter]], 1823<!--''The Tragedies of Euripides'' (Oxford: W. Baxter, 1823), 2 vols.-->) * ἁπλοῦς ὁ μῦθος τῆς ἀληθείας ἔφυ, <br> κοὐ ποικίλων δεῖ τἄνδιχ᾽ ἑρμηνευμάτων ** The words of truth are simple, and justice needs no subtle interpretations, for it hath a fitness in itself. ** Lines 469–470 (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891<!--Revised by George Panagiotou: "The words of truth are naturally simple, and justice needs no subtle interpretations, for it has a fitness in itself."-->) === ''[[w:The Bacchae|The Bacchae]]'' (405 BC) === [[File:Euripides altes Museum.jpg|thumb|right|Humility, a sense of reverence before the sons of heaven — of all the prizes that a mortal man might win, these, I say, are wisest; these are best.]] * But cleverness is not wisdom, nor is the thinking on things unfit for mortals. ** Line 395 (tr. [[w:Theodore Alois Buckley|T. A. W. Buckley]], 1850)<!--Unsourced: "Cleverness is not wisdom. And not to think mortal thoughts is to see few days."--> * '''Dionysus''': He who believes needs no explanation.<br /> '''Pentheus''': What's the worth in believing worthless things? <br />'''Dionysus''': Much worth, but not worth telling you, it seems. ** Line 472 (tr. [[w:Colin Teevan|Colin Teevan]], 2002) * '''Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.''' ** Lines 479-480 (tr. William Arrowsmith, 1958) **: To the fool, he who speaks wisdom will sound foolish. (''Bartlett's'', 13th ed. 1955) **: He were a fool, methinks, who would utter wisdom to a fool. (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891) **: Wise words being brought to blinded eyes will seem as things of nought. (tr. [[Gilbert Murray]], 1902) * '''Slow but sure moves the might of the gods.''' (''Bartlett's'', 14th ed. 1968) ** Line 882 **: Slowly but surely withal moveth the might of the gods. (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed. 1892) * χρηστοῖσι δούλοις συμφορὰ τὰ δεσποτῶν. ** The misfortunes of their masters are a concern to good servants. ** Line 1028 (tr. [[w:Theodore Alois Buckley|T. A. W. Buckley]], 1850)<!--Unsourced translation: "Good slaves [are affected by] the adversities of their masters."--> note: the original sentence does not contain any verb * '''Humility, a sense of reverence before the sons of heaven — of all the prizes that a mortal man might win, these, I say, are wisest; these are best.''' ** Line 1150 (tr. William Arrowsmith, 1958) {{Disputed begin}} == Disputed == * Σοφὸς ἦν τις, ὃς τὸ θεῖον εἰσηγήσατο. ** '''I maintain, <br> Some shrewd man first, a man in counsel wise,<br>Discovered unto men the fear of Gods,<br>Thereby to frighten sinners should they sin <br>E'en secretly in deed, or word, or thought.''' ** [[w:Sisyphus fragment|Sisyphus fragment]], in [[Sextus Empiricus]], ''Against the Physicists'', bk. 1 sec. 54 (tr. R. G. Bury, [[w:Loeb Classical Library|L311]])<!--Revised by J. Garrett: "I think, / Some shrewd man first, a man in judgment wise, / Found for mortals the fear of gods, / Thereby to frighten the wicked should they / Even act or speak or scheme in secret."--> **: He was a wise man who originated the idea of God. (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--p. 478-->) * Most cunning doctrine did he introduce,<br>The truth concealing under speech untrue.<br>The place he spoke of as the God's abode<br>Was that whereby he could affright men most,—<br>The place from which, he knew, both terrors came<br>And easements unto men of toilsome life—<br>To wit the vault above, wherein do dwell<br>The lightnings, he beheld, and awesome claps<br>Of thunder, and the starry face of heaven,<br>Fair-spangled by that cunning craftsman Time,—<br>Whence, too, the meteor's glowing mass doth speed<br>And liquid rain descends upon the earth. ** Sisyphus fragment (tr. R. G. Bury, L311)<!--Revised by J. Garrett: The sweetest teaching did he introduce, / Concealing truth under untrue speech. / The place he spoke of as the gods' abode<br>Was that by which he might awe humans most, — / The place from which, he knew, terrors came to mortals / And things advantageous in their wearisome life — / The revolving heaven above, in which dwell / The lightnings, and awesome claps / Of thunder, and the starry face of heaven, / Beautiful and intricate by that wise craftsman Time, — / From which, too, the meteor's glowing mass speeds / And wet thunderstorm pours forth upon the earth.--> * I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right. ** Supposedly in ''The Suppliants'' [https://archive.org/search?query=%22shall+find+scholars+later+to+demonstrate%22&sin=TXT&sort=date] ** Also attributed to [[Frederick the Great]] of Prussia {{Disputed end}} {{Misattributed begin}} == Misattributed == * Account no man happy till he dies. ** [[Sophocles]], ''Oedipus Rex'' l. 1529 ** Cf. [[Herodotus]], bk. 1 ch. 32: But refrain from calling him fortunate before he dies; call him lucky. (tr. A. D. Godley, 1920) * Circumstances rule men and not men circumstances. ** [[Herodotus]], Book 7, Ch. 49; Misattributed to Euripedes in "The Imperial Four" by Professor Creasy in ''Bentley's Miscellany'' Vol. 33 (January 1853), p. 22 ** Variant translation: Circumstances rule men; men do not rule circumstances. * Those whom the gods wish to destroy they first make mad. ** Anonymous ancient proverb, wrongly attributed to Euripides. The version here is quoted as a "heathen proverb" in ''Daniel, a Model for Young Men'' (1854) by William Anderson Scott. The origin of the misattribution to Euripides is unknown. Several variants are quoted in ancient texts, as follows. ** Variants and derived paraphrases: *** For cunningly of old <br>was the celebrated saying revealed: <br>evil sometimes seems good <br>to a man whose mind <br>a god leads to destruction. **** Sophocles, ''Antigone'' 620-3, a play pre-dating any of Euripides' surviving plays. An ancient commentary explains the passage as a paraphrase of the following, from another, earlier poet. *** When a god plans harm against a man, <br> he first damages the mind of the man he is plotting against. **** Quoted in the ''scholia vetera'' to Sophocles' ''Antigone'' 620ff., without attribution. The meter (iambic trimeter) suggests that the source of the quotation is a tragic play. *** For whenever the anger of divine spirits harms someone, <br>it first does this: it steals away his mind <br>and good sense, and turns his thought to foolishness,''' <br>so that he should know nothing of his mistakes. **** Attributed to "some of the old poets" by [[w:Lycurgus of Athens|Lycurgus of Athens]] in his ''Oratio In Leocratem'' [''Oration Against Leocrates''], section 92. Again, the meter suggests that the source is a tragic play. These lines are misattributed to the much earlier semi-mythical statesman [[w:Lycurgus of Sparta|Lycurgus of Sparta]] in a footnote of recent editions of ''[[w:Bartlett's Familiar Quotations|Bartlett's Familiar Quotations]]'' and other works. *** The gods do nothing until they have blinded the minds of the wicked. **** Variant in ''''Dictionary of Quotations (Classical)'' (1906), compiled by Thomas Benfield Harbottle, p. 433. *** Whom Fortune wishes to destroy she first makes mad.''' **** [[Publilius Syrus]], Maxim 911 *** The devil when he purports any evil against man, first perverts his mind. **** As quoted by [[w:Athenagoras of Athens|Athenagoras of Athens]] in ''Legatio Pro Christianis''. *** ''quem Iuppiter vult perdere, dementat prius.'' **** "Whom Jupiter wishes to destroy, he first sends mad"; neo-Latin version. Similar wording is found in [[w:James Duport|James Duport]]'s ''Homeri Gnomologia'' (1660), p. 234. "A maxim of obscure origin which may have been invented in Cambridge about 1640" -- Taylor, ''The Proverb'' (1931). Probably a variant of the line "He whom the gods love dies young", derived from [[Menander]]'s play ''The Double Deceiver'' via [[Plautus]] (''Bacchides'' 816-7). *** ''quem'' (or ''quos'') ''Deus perdere vult, dementat prius.'' **** Whom God wishes to destroy, he first sends mad. *** '''Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad.''' **** This variant is spoken by [[w:Prometheus|Prometheus]], in ''The Masque of Pandora'' (1875) by [[Henry Wadsworth Longfellow]] *** Those whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad. **** As quoted in ''George Fox Interpreted: The Religion, Revelations, Motives and Mission of George Fox'' (1881) by Thomas Ellwood Longshore, p. 154 *** Those whom God wishes to destroy, he first makes mad. **** As quoted in ''[[w:Bartlett's Familiar Quotations|Bartlett's Familiar Quotations]]'' 16th edition (1992) *** Nor do the gods appear in warrior's armour clad <br> To strike them down with sword and spear <br> Those whom they would destroy <br> They first make mad. **** Bhartṛhari, 7th c. AD; as quoted in John Brough, ''Poems from the Sanskrit'', (1968), p, 67 *** ''vināśakāle viparītabuddhiḥ'' **** Sanskrit Saying (also in ''Jatak katha''): "When a man is to be destroyed, his intelligence becomes self-destructive." ** Modern derivatives: The proverb's meaning is changed in many English versions from the 20th and 21st centuries that start with the proverb's first half (through "they") and then end with a phrase that replaces "first make mad" or "make mad." Such versions can be found at Internet search engines by using either of the two keyword phrases that are on Page 2 and Page 4 of the webpage "[http://www.bu.edu/av/celop2/not_ESL/pick_any_wrong_card.pdf Pick any Wrong Card]." The rest of that webpage is frameworks that induce a reader to compose new variations on this proverb. {{Misattributed end}} == Quotes about Euripides == * [[Sophocles]] said that he drew men as they ought to be; Euripides, as they are. ** [[Aristotle]], ''Poetics'', ch. 25 (trans. S. H. Butcher) * I could not bear Euripides at college. I now read my recantation. He has faults undoubtedly. But what a poet! The [[w:Medea (play)|Medea]], the [[w:Alcestis (play)|Alcestis]], the [[w:The Trojan Women|Troades]], the [[w:The Bacchae|Bacchæ]], are alone sufficient to place him in the very first rank. ** [[Thomas Babington Macaulay]] to Thomas Flower Ellis (8 February 1835), quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 431 * The [[w:Orestes (play)|Orestes]] is one of the very finest plays in the Greek language. Among those of Euripides, I should place it next to the Medea and the Bacchæ. It has some very real faults; but it possesses that strong human interest which neither [[Aeschylus|Æschylus]] nor [[Sophocles]],—poets in many respects far superior to Euripides,—ever gave to their dramas. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 474 * The Bacchæ is a most glorious play. I doubt whether it be not superior to the Medea. It is often very obscure; and I am not sure that I fully understand its general scope. But, as a piece of language, it is hardly equalled in the world. And, whether it was intended to encourage or to discourage fanaticism, the picture of fanatical excitement which it exhibits has never been rivalled. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), pp. 474-475 == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{Commonscat|Euripides}} {{wikisource author|Euripides}} * {{gutenberg author| id=Euripides | name=Euripides}} * [http://www.fordham.edu/halsall/ancient/eb11-euripides.html Article in ''Encyclopaedia Britannica'' (11th edition) at Fordham University] * [http://www.perseus.tufts.edu/cgi-bin/vor?x=0&y=0&lookup=Euripides Euripides-related materials at the Perseus Digital Library] * [http://www.theatrehistory.com/ancient/euripides001.html "Euripedes and His Tragedies" at TheatreHistory.com] * [http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0262381/ IMDBs List of movies based on Euripides plays] * [https://www.ellopos.net/elpenor/greek-texts/ancient-greece/euripides.asp Euripides Resources] {{DEFAULTSORT:Euripides}} [[Category:Poets from Greece]] [[Category:Playwrights from Greece]] [[Category:BCE births]] [[Category:BCE deaths]] [[Category:People from Athens]] sbqlukqfz2b7ycfaa3z5o0cphkmamhz 3778887 3778885 2025-07-14T21:34:59Z Ficaia 3085955 /* Alcestis (438 BC) */ 3778887 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Euripides Pio-Clementino Inv302.jpg|thumb|right|In case of dissension, never dare to judge till you've heard the other side.]] '''[[w:Euripides|Euripides]]''' (Greek: Εὐριπίδης; c. [[480 BC]]–[[406 BC]]) was a [[:Category:Authors|Greek playwright]]. == Quotes == * '''The company of just and righteous men is better than wealth and a rich estate.''' ** ''Ægeus'', fragment 7 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed. 1892) * A bad beginning makes a bad ending. ** ''Æolus'', fragment 32 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * '''Time will explain it all.''' He is a talker, and needs no questioning before he speaks. ** ''Æolus'', fragment 38 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * The nobly born must nobly meet his fate. ** ''Alcmene'', fragment 100 (''Bartlett's'', 1892)<!--''Noblesse oblige''. — Bohn: ''Foreign Proverbs''--> * Waste not fresh tears over old griefs. ** ''Alexander'', fragment 44 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Ἡδύ τοι σωθέντα μεμνῆσθαι πόνων. ** Sweet is the remembrance of troubles when you are in safety. ** ''Andromeda'', fragment 10, 2 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--p. 472-->) * Woman is woman's natural ally. ** ''Alope'', fragment 109 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Man's best possession is a sympathetic wife. ** ''Antigone'', fragment 164 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Ignorance of one's misfortunes is clear gain. ** ''Antiope'', fragment 204 (''Bartlett's'', 1892); cf. [[William Davenant|Davenant]] [[File:Ватикан. Еврипид (Euripide) с актерской маской (ант.статуя) ~1859г 2640.jpg|thumb|right|Events will take their course, it is no good of being angry at them; he is happiest who wisely turns them to the best account.]] * '''Events will take their course, it is no good of being angry at them; he is happiest who wisely turns them to the best account.''' ** [[w:Bellerophon (play)|''Bellerophon'']], fragment 298, in [[Plutarch]], ''Moralia'', "De tranquillitate animi" (tr. [[w:Arthur Richard Shilleto|A. R. Shilleto]], 1888)<!--''Plutarch's Morals: Ethical Essays'' (1888) p. 293--> * '''Doth some one say that there be gods above? <br/>There are not; no, there are not. Let no fool, <br/>Led by the old false fable, thus deceive you.''' <br/>Look at the facts themselves, yielding my words <br/>No undue credence: for I say that kings <br/>Kill, rob, break oaths, lay cities waste by fraud, <br/>And doing thus are happier than those <br/>Who live calm pious lives day after day. All divinity <br/>Is built-up from our good and evil luck. ** ''Bellerophon'', fragment (tr. [[John Addington Symonds|J. A. Symonds]], 1879; rev. [[Maurice Bowra|C. M. Bowra]], 1938<!--First 11 lines by Symonds, ''Studies of the Greek Poets'', 2nd ser. (2nd ed., 1879) p. 294; completed by Bowra for ''The Oxford Book of Greek Verse in Translation'' (1938) p. 457-->) * ἁγὼ οὔτινι θύω πλὴν ἐμοὶ, θεοῖσι δ᾽ οὔ, <br/> καὶ τῇ μεγίστῃ γαστρὶ τῇδε δαιμόνων. ** I sacrifice to no god save myself — <br/> And to my belly, greatest of deities. ** [[w:Cyclops (play)|''Cyclops'']] (''c''. 424-23 BC) l. 334 (ed. Burton Stevenson, 1948<!--''The Home Book of Proverbs, Maxims and Familiar Phrases'' (New York: Macmillan Co., 1948) p. 165-->) **: To what other God but to myself <br/> And this great belly, first of deities, <br/> Should I be bound to sacrifice? <br/> (tr. [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|P. B. Shelley]], wr. 1819; pub. 1824) * I care for riches, to make gifts <br> To friends, or lead a sick man back to health<br> With ease and plenty. Else small aid is wealth <br> For daily gladness; once a man be done <br> With hunger, rich and poor are all as one. ** [[w:Electra (Euripides play)|''Electra'']] (413 BC) l. ? (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1906)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed. 1968--> * On behalf of all those dead<br>who learned their hatred of women long ago,<br>for those who hate them now, for those unborn<br>who shall live to hate them yet, I now declare<br>my firm conviction: neither earth nor ocean<br>produces a creature as savage and monstrous<br>as woman. ** [[w:Hecuba (play)|''Hecuba'']] (424 BC), ll. 1177-1182 (tr. William Arrowsmith, 1956<!--'''Euripides III'' (University of Chicago Press, 1956)-->) **: Let me tell you, if anyone in the past has spoken<br>ill of women, or speaks so now or will speak so<br>in the future, I’ll sum it up for him: Neither sea<br>nor land has ever produced a more monstrous<br>creature than woman.<br>(tr. Jay Kardan and Laura-Gray Street, 2011, in ''Didaskalia'', [https://didaskalia.net/issues/8/32/ vol. 8 no. 32]) * λόγος γάρ ἐστιν οὐκ ἐμός, σοφὸν δ᾽ ἔπος,<br>δεινῆς ἀνάγκης οὐδὲν ἰσχύειν πλέον. ** '''Nothing has more strength than dire necessity.''' ** [[w:Helen (play)|''Helen'']] (412 BC), l. 510 (tr. Richmond Lattimore, 1956), quoting "a saying" * Man's most valuable trait<br>is a judicious sense of what not to believe. ** ''Helen'', ll. 1617-1618 (tr. Richmond Lattimore, 1956) **: There is naught more serviceable to mankind than a prudent distrust. (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891)<!--''The Plays of Euripides'' (London: George Bell & Sons, 1891), 2 vols.--><!--Unsourced: "Nothing is more useful to mankind than a prudent distrust."--> * Who can decide a plea or judge a speech until he has heard plainly from both sides? ** ''Heraclidæ'' (''c''. 428 BC), [https://www.perseus.tufts.edu/hopper/text?doc=Perseus%3Atext%3A1999.01.0104%3Acard%3D134 ll. 179-180] (tr. David Kovacs), quoted by [[Aristophanes]] in ''The Wasps'' **: In case of dissension, never dare to judge till you've heard the other side. (''Forbes'', vol. 86 no. 10 (15 Nov. 1960) p. 70) * '''Leave no stone unturned.''' ** ''Heraclidæ'' (''c''. 428 BC), l. 1002 (''Bartlett's'', 1892)<!--cf. [[Samuel Butler (poet)|Butler]], ''Hudibras''--> * '''Ares hates those who hesitate.''' ** ''Heraclidæ'' (''c''. 428 BC) l. 722 (ed. H. L. Mencken, 1942, '60)<!--H. L. Mencken, ''A New Dictionary of Quotations on Historical Principles'' (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1942; 1960)--> **: Ares hates the sluggard most of all. (tr. David Kovacs) * Yet do I hold that mortal foolish who strives against the stress of necessity. ** ''Hercules Furens'', l. 281 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * O lady, nobility is thine, and thy form is the reflection of thy nature! ** [[w:Ion (play)|''Ion'']]<!--"Gon."--> (''c''. 421-408 BC) l. 238 (tr. E. F. Burr, 1880)<!--''Dio, the Athenian; or, From Olympus to Calvary'' (New York: Phillips & Hunt, 1880, ch. 17 epigraph (p. 385); also in J. K. Hoyt and Anna L. Ward, ''The Cyclopædia of Practical Quotations'' (New York: I. K. Funk & Co., 1882), p. 290--> * Authority is never without hate. ** ''Ion'' (c. 421-408 BC) l. ? (tr. Ronald F. Willetts, 1958) * Thou didst bring me forth for all the Greeks in common, not for thyself alone. ** [[w:Iphigenia in Aulis|''Iphigenia in Aulis'']], l. 1386 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * '''A coward turns away, but a brave man's choice is danger.''' ** [[w:Iphigenia in Tauris|''Iphigenia in Tauris'']] (''c''. 412 BC) l. 114 (tr. Richmond Lattimore, 1956) * '''There is in the worst of fortune the best of chances for a happy change.''' ** ''Iphigenia in Tauris'' (''c''. 412 BC) l. 721 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Toil, says the proverb, is the sire of fame. ** ''Licymnius'', fragment 477 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * A bad ending follows a bad beginning. ** ''Melanippe the Wise'', fragment (tr. E. F. Burr, 1880<!--Ch. 15 (p. 370)-->)<!--Unsourced variant: "A bad beginning makes a bad ending."--> [[File:Seated Euripides Louvre Ma343.jpg|thumb|right|When good men die their goodness does not perish, but lives though they are gone. As for the bad, all that was theirs dies and is buried with them.]] * '''Cowards do not count in battle; they are there, but not in it.''' ** ''Meleager'' fragment 523 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * A woman should be good for everything at home, but abroad good for nothing. ** ''Meleager'', fragment 525 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Silver and gold are not the only coin; virtue too passes current all over the world. ** ''Œdipus'', fragment 546 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Every man is like the company he is wont to keep. ** ''Phœnix'', fragment 812<!--or: 809--> (''Bartlett's'', 1892)<!--Unsourced variant: "He is like the very men whose company he enjoys."--> * Ὦ φιλόζωοι βροτοὶ,<br/>οἱ τὴν ἐπιστείχουσαν ἡμέραν ἰδεῖν<br/>οὕτως ἔρως βροτοῖσιν ἐγκεῖται βίου ** O ye life-loving mortals,<br/>Who ever long to see the coming day,<br/>Though ye be weighed down with a thousand sorrows!<br/>So strong the yearning of mankind for life. ** ''Phœnix'', fragment 12 (''Harbottle's'', 1897<!--T. B. Harbottle, [https://archive.org/stream/dictionaryquota04harbgoog#page/n556/mode/2up ''Dictionary of Quotations (Classical)''] (London: Swan Sonnenschein & Co., Ltd., 1897) p. 538-->) * Who knows but life be that which men call death,<br>And death what men call life? ** ''Phrixus'', fragment 830 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) **: Who knows if that be life which we call death,<br>And life be dying? (tr. J. A. Symonds, 1879)<!--''Studies of the Greek Poets'', 2nd ser. (2nd ed., 1879) p. 291 note--> * Whoso neglects learning in his youth, loses the past and is dead for the future. ** ''Phrixus'', fragment 927 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * The gods visit the sins of the fathers upon the children. ** ''Phrixus'', fragment 970 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Πᾶσιν γὰρ εὖ φρονοῦσι συμμαχεῖ τύχη. ** '''For chance fights ever on the side of the prudent.''' ** ''Pirithous'', adapted (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--p. 477-->) * "Η τοῖσιν εὐφρονοῦσι συμμαχεῖ τύχη. ** Fortune truly helps those who are of good judgement. ** ''Pirithous'' (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--p. 781 note-->) * Where two discourse, if the one's anger rise, <br> The man who lets the contest fall is wise. ** ''Protesilaus'', fragment 656, in Plutarch, ''Moralia'', "De liberis educandis" (tr. Several Hands, 1684) * '''Slight not what's near through aiming at what's far.''' ** [[w:Rhesus (play)|''Rhesus'']] (''c''. 435 BC) l. 482 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * '''For naught is there more sweet unto an aged sire than a daughter's love.''' ** [[w:The Suppliants (Euripides)|''The Suppliants'']] (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891)<!--Unsourced: '''For nothing is there more sweet unto an aged father than a daughter'''--> * Naught is more hostile to a city than a despot; where he is, there are in the first place no laws common to all, but one man is tyrant, in whose keeping and in his alone the law resides, and in that case equality is at an end. ** ''The Suppliants'' (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891) * '''When good men die their goodness does not perish, <br> But lives though they are gone.''' As for the bad, <br> All that was theirs dies and is buried with them. ** ''Temenidæ'', fragment 734 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * '''Helen''': What happened in my heart, to make me leave my home<br />And my own land, to follow where a stranger led?<br />Rail at the goddess; be more resolute than Zeus,<br />Who holds power over all other divinities<br />But is himself the slave of love. Show Aphrodite<br />Your indignation; me, pardon and sympathy.<br />'''Hecabe''': No; Paris was an extremely handsome man – one look,<br />And your appetite became your Aphrodite. Why,<br />Men's lawless lusts are all called love – it's a confusion<br />Easily made. ** ''[[w:The Trojan Women|Troades]]'' (c. 415 BC), ll. 946–950 and 987–990 (tr. Philip Vellacott, 1954) * ἡ γὰρ σιωπὴ τοῖς σοφοῖσ<br>ἀπόκρισις. ** Silence is an answer in the eyes of the wise. ** Unidentified play, [[Talk:Euripides#Source Information for "Silence is true wisdom's best reply."|fragment 977]] (tr. Christopher Collard and Martin Cropp, [[w:LoeB Classical Library|L504]])<!--cf. [[Honoré Gabriel Riqueti, comte de Mirabeau#Attributed|Mirabeau]]--> **: For silence is true wisdom's best reply. (tr. R. B. Appleton, 1927)<!--''Euripides the Idealist'' (London: J. M. Dent, 1927), p. 194--> === ''[[w:Alcestis|Alcestis]]'' (438 BC) === * Never say that marriage has more of joy than pain. ** l. 238 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1960) * A second wife <br> is hateful to the children of the first, <br> a viper is not more hateful. ** l. 309 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) * '''Oh, if I had [[w:Orpheus|Orpheus]]' voice and poetry <br>with which to move the Dark Maid and her Lord, <br>I'd call you back, dear love, from the world below.''' <br>I'd go down there for you. Charôn or the grim <br>King's dog could not prevent me then <br>from carrying you up into the fields of light. ** l. 358 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) * Κούφα σοι χθὼν ἐπάνωθε πέσοι. ** Light be the earth upon you, lightly rest. ** l. 462 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960)<!--Thus petitions the Chorus over the dead body of the heroine, untimely rapt away. Cf. [[Martial]], 9, 30, 11: ''Sit tibi terra levis'' (abbrev. ''S.T.T.L.'')—"May earth lie light upon thee." Common funeral inscription. [[Ovid]], in the same spirit, prays for the repose of [[Tibullus]], ''Amores, 3, 9, 67), ''Ossa quieta precor tuta requiescite in urna, / Et sit humus cineri non onerosa tuo.''—"Inurned in peace, may thy bones rest, I pray; / And on thy ashes earth no burden lay." —''Classical and Foreign Quotations'' (1904) no. 2578--> * Old men's prayers for death are lying prayers, in which they abuse old age and long extent of life. But when death draws near, not one is willing to die, and age no longer is a burden to them. ** l. 669 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Dishonour will not trouble me, once I am dead. ** l. 726 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) * No one can confidently say that he will still be living tomorrow. ** ll. 783-4 (tr. Robert and Mary Collison, 1980)<!--''Dictionary of Foreign Quotations'' (New York: Facts on File, 1980) p. 114--> * Today's today. Tomorrow we may be<br>Ourselves gone down the drain of Eternity. ** l. 788 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) * '''I have found power in the mysteries of thought, <br> Exaltation in the changing of the Muses; <br> I have been versed in the reasonings of men; <br> But Fate is stronger than anything I have known.''' ** l. 962 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) * Time cancels young pain. ** l. 1085 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) === ''[[w:Medea (play)|Medea]]'' (431 BC) === * Of all things upon earth that bleed and grow,<br />'''A herb most bruised is [[woman]].''' ** Lines 230–231 (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1912) * The fountains of sacred rivers flow upwards. ** Line 409 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--p. 468-->) * The gifts of a bad man bring no good with them. ** Line 618 (''Bartlett's'', 1892)<!--Other translations: (1) ''The Hecuba, Orestes, Phœnician Virgins, and Medea, of Euripides; Literally Translated into English Prose, from the Text of Porson'' (Oxford: for D. A. Talboys, 1820), p. 214: "For the gifts of a bad man bring no assistance." (2) T. W. C. Edwards, ''The Medea, Literally Translated into English Prose, from the Text of Porson'' (London: Simpkin, Marshall, and Co., 1840: "For the gifts of a bad man have no avail."--> * Moderation, the noblest gift of Heaven. ** Line 636 (tr. [[Georgiana Chatterton]], 1863)<!--''The Heiress and Her Lovers'' (London: Richard Bentley, 1863), vol. 2 (front matter); cited in ''Bartlett's'', 1892--> * Of troubles none is greater than to be robbed of one’s native land. ** Line 653 (tr. David Kovacs) **: For nothing is like the sorrow or supersedes the sadness of losing your native land. (tr. [[w:Paul Roche|Paul Roche]], 1974) * πείθειν δῶρα καὶ θεοὺς λόγος ** It is said that gifts persuade even the gods. ** Line 964 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--W. Gurney Benham, ''A Book of Quotations'' (1907), p. 470-->)<!--also in ''Hoyt's'' (1922), p. 311--> * I know, indeed, the evil of that I purpose; but my inclination gets the better of my judgment. ** Line 1078 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * χαλεπὰ γὰρ βροτοῖς ὁμογενῆ μιά-<br>σματ᾽, ἕπεται δ᾽ ἅμ᾽ αὐτοφόνταις ξυνῳ-<br>δὰ θεόθεν πίτνοντ᾽ ἐπὶ δόμοις ἄχη. ** Grievous for mortals is the stain of kindred blood. For the murderers are dogged by woes harmonious with their deeds, sent by the gods upon their houses. ** Lines 1268-1270 (tr. David Kovacs) === ''[[w:Hippolytus (play)|Hippolytus]]'' (428 BC) === [[File:Death Hippolytus Lemoyne Louvre MR2026.jpg|thumb|right|There is one thing alone that stands the brunt of life throughout its course: a quiet conscience.]] * μόνον δὲ τοῦτό φασ᾽ ἁμιλλᾶσθαι βίῳ,<br>γνώμην δικαίαν κἀγαθήν ὅτῳ παρῇ ** Only one thing, they say, competes in value with life, the possession of a heart blameless and good. ** ll. 426-427 (tr. David Kovacs) * In this world second thoughts, it seems, are best. ** l. 435<!--or: 438--> (tr. [[w:David Grene|David Grene]], 1942<!--''Three Greek Tragedies in Translation'' (University of Chicago Press, 1942), p. 188-->) **: Among mortals second thoughts are the wisest. (tr. [[w:Theodore Alois Buckley|T. A. W. Buckley]], 1850<!--''The Tragedies of Euripides (Henry G. Bohn, 1850), 2 vols.-->) <br> Second thoughts are ever wiser. (''Bartlett's'', 1892) <br> Among mortals second thoughts are wisest. (''Hoyt's'', 1882<!--p. 419-->) * ἡ γλῶσσ᾽ ὀμώμοχ᾽, ἡ δὲ φρὴν ἀνώμοτος ** 'Twas but my tongue, 'twas not my soul that swore. ** l. 612 (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1902) **: My tongue swore, but my mind was still unpledged. (tr. David Grene, 1942) * '''The credit we get for wisdom is measured by our success.''' ** l. 701 (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891) === ''[[w:Orestes (play)|Orestes]]'' (408 BC) === [[File:Orestes Pursued by the Furies by William-Adolphe Bouguereau (1862) - Google Art Project.jpg |thumb|right|''The Remorse of Orestes'' by William-Adolphe Bouguereau]] * '''Love is all we have, the only way that each can help the other.''' ** l. 298 (tr. [[w:William Arrowsmith|William Arrowsmith]], 1958<!--''Euripides IV'' (University of Chicago Press, 1958)-->) * Ὅταν γὰρ ἡδὺς τοῖς λόγοις, φρονῶν κακῶς <br> πείθῃ τὸ πλῆθος, τῇ πόλει κακὸν μέγα. ** When one with honeyed words but evil mind<br> Persuades the mob, great woes befall the state. ** l. 907 (''Harbottle's'', 1897<!--p. 447-->) === ''[[w:The Phoenician Women|The Phoenician Women]]''<!--c. 411-409 BC?--> === * ἓν μὲν μέγιστον, οὐκ ἔχει παρρησίαν. * [T]his is slavery, not to speak one’s thought. ** Line 392, Jocasta (tr. Elizabeth Wyckoff, 1958<!--''Euripides IV'' (University of Chicago Press, 1958) p. 472-->) **: Who dares not speak his free thoughts is a slave. (tr. [[w:Robert Potter (translator)|R. Potter]], 1823<!--''The Tragedies of Euripides'' (Oxford: W. Baxter, 1823), 2 vols.-->) * ἁπλοῦς ὁ μῦθος τῆς ἀληθείας ἔφυ, <br> κοὐ ποικίλων δεῖ τἄνδιχ᾽ ἑρμηνευμάτων ** The words of truth are simple, and justice needs no subtle interpretations, for it hath a fitness in itself. ** Lines 469–470 (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891<!--Revised by George Panagiotou: "The words of truth are naturally simple, and justice needs no subtle interpretations, for it has a fitness in itself."-->) === ''[[w:The Bacchae|The Bacchae]]'' (405 BC) === [[File:Euripides altes Museum.jpg|thumb|right|Humility, a sense of reverence before the sons of heaven — of all the prizes that a mortal man might win, these, I say, are wisest; these are best.]] * But cleverness is not wisdom, nor is the thinking on things unfit for mortals. ** Line 395 (tr. [[w:Theodore Alois Buckley|T. A. W. Buckley]], 1850)<!--Unsourced: "Cleverness is not wisdom. And not to think mortal thoughts is to see few days."--> * '''Dionysus''': He who believes needs no explanation.<br /> '''Pentheus''': What's the worth in believing worthless things? <br />'''Dionysus''': Much worth, but not worth telling you, it seems. ** Line 472 (tr. [[w:Colin Teevan|Colin Teevan]], 2002) * '''Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.''' ** Lines 479-480 (tr. William Arrowsmith, 1958) **: To the fool, he who speaks wisdom will sound foolish. (''Bartlett's'', 13th ed. 1955) **: He were a fool, methinks, who would utter wisdom to a fool. (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891) **: Wise words being brought to blinded eyes will seem as things of nought. (tr. [[Gilbert Murray]], 1902) * '''Slow but sure moves the might of the gods.''' (''Bartlett's'', 14th ed. 1968) ** Line 882 **: Slowly but surely withal moveth the might of the gods. (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed. 1892) * χρηστοῖσι δούλοις συμφορὰ τὰ δεσποτῶν. ** The misfortunes of their masters are a concern to good servants. ** Line 1028 (tr. [[w:Theodore Alois Buckley|T. A. W. Buckley]], 1850)<!--Unsourced translation: "Good slaves [are affected by] the adversities of their masters."--> note: the original sentence does not contain any verb * '''Humility, a sense of reverence before the sons of heaven — of all the prizes that a mortal man might win, these, I say, are wisest; these are best.''' ** Line 1150 (tr. William Arrowsmith, 1958) {{Disputed begin}} == Disputed == * Σοφὸς ἦν τις, ὃς τὸ θεῖον εἰσηγήσατο. ** '''I maintain, <br> Some shrewd man first, a man in counsel wise,<br>Discovered unto men the fear of Gods,<br>Thereby to frighten sinners should they sin <br>E'en secretly in deed, or word, or thought.''' ** [[w:Sisyphus fragment|Sisyphus fragment]], in [[Sextus Empiricus]], ''Against the Physicists'', bk. 1 sec. 54 (tr. R. G. Bury, [[w:Loeb Classical Library|L311]])<!--Revised by J. Garrett: "I think, / Some shrewd man first, a man in judgment wise, / Found for mortals the fear of gods, / Thereby to frighten the wicked should they / Even act or speak or scheme in secret."--> **: He was a wise man who originated the idea of God. (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--p. 478-->) * Most cunning doctrine did he introduce,<br>The truth concealing under speech untrue.<br>The place he spoke of as the God's abode<br>Was that whereby he could affright men most,—<br>The place from which, he knew, both terrors came<br>And easements unto men of toilsome life—<br>To wit the vault above, wherein do dwell<br>The lightnings, he beheld, and awesome claps<br>Of thunder, and the starry face of heaven,<br>Fair-spangled by that cunning craftsman Time,—<br>Whence, too, the meteor's glowing mass doth speed<br>And liquid rain descends upon the earth. ** Sisyphus fragment (tr. R. G. Bury, L311)<!--Revised by J. Garrett: The sweetest teaching did he introduce, / Concealing truth under untrue speech. / The place he spoke of as the gods' abode<br>Was that by which he might awe humans most, — / The place from which, he knew, terrors came to mortals / And things advantageous in their wearisome life — / The revolving heaven above, in which dwell / The lightnings, and awesome claps / Of thunder, and the starry face of heaven, / Beautiful and intricate by that wise craftsman Time, — / From which, too, the meteor's glowing mass speeds / And wet thunderstorm pours forth upon the earth.--> * I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right. ** Supposedly in ''The Suppliants'' [https://archive.org/search?query=%22shall+find+scholars+later+to+demonstrate%22&sin=TXT&sort=date] ** Also attributed to [[Frederick the Great]] of Prussia {{Disputed end}} {{Misattributed begin}} == Misattributed == * Account no man happy till he dies. ** [[Sophocles]], ''Oedipus Rex'' l. 1529 ** Cf. [[Herodotus]], bk. 1 ch. 32: But refrain from calling him fortunate before he dies; call him lucky. (tr. A. D. Godley, 1920) * Circumstances rule men and not men circumstances. ** [[Herodotus]], Book 7, Ch. 49; Misattributed to Euripedes in "The Imperial Four" by Professor Creasy in ''Bentley's Miscellany'' Vol. 33 (January 1853), p. 22 ** Variant translation: Circumstances rule men; men do not rule circumstances. * Those whom the gods wish to destroy they first make mad. ** Anonymous ancient proverb, wrongly attributed to Euripides. The version here is quoted as a "heathen proverb" in ''Daniel, a Model for Young Men'' (1854) by William Anderson Scott. The origin of the misattribution to Euripides is unknown. Several variants are quoted in ancient texts, as follows. ** Variants and derived paraphrases: *** For cunningly of old <br>was the celebrated saying revealed: <br>evil sometimes seems good <br>to a man whose mind <br>a god leads to destruction. **** Sophocles, ''Antigone'' 620-3, a play pre-dating any of Euripides' surviving plays. An ancient commentary explains the passage as a paraphrase of the following, from another, earlier poet. *** When a god plans harm against a man, <br> he first damages the mind of the man he is plotting against. **** Quoted in the ''scholia vetera'' to Sophocles' ''Antigone'' 620ff., without attribution. The meter (iambic trimeter) suggests that the source of the quotation is a tragic play. *** For whenever the anger of divine spirits harms someone, <br>it first does this: it steals away his mind <br>and good sense, and turns his thought to foolishness,''' <br>so that he should know nothing of his mistakes. **** Attributed to "some of the old poets" by [[w:Lycurgus of Athens|Lycurgus of Athens]] in his ''Oratio In Leocratem'' [''Oration Against Leocrates''], section 92. Again, the meter suggests that the source is a tragic play. These lines are misattributed to the much earlier semi-mythical statesman [[w:Lycurgus of Sparta|Lycurgus of Sparta]] in a footnote of recent editions of ''[[w:Bartlett's Familiar Quotations|Bartlett's Familiar Quotations]]'' and other works. *** The gods do nothing until they have blinded the minds of the wicked. **** Variant in ''''Dictionary of Quotations (Classical)'' (1906), compiled by Thomas Benfield Harbottle, p. 433. *** Whom Fortune wishes to destroy she first makes mad.''' **** [[Publilius Syrus]], Maxim 911 *** The devil when he purports any evil against man, first perverts his mind. **** As quoted by [[w:Athenagoras of Athens|Athenagoras of Athens]] in ''Legatio Pro Christianis''. *** ''quem Iuppiter vult perdere, dementat prius.'' **** "Whom Jupiter wishes to destroy, he first sends mad"; neo-Latin version. Similar wording is found in [[w:James Duport|James Duport]]'s ''Homeri Gnomologia'' (1660), p. 234. "A maxim of obscure origin which may have been invented in Cambridge about 1640" -- Taylor, ''The Proverb'' (1931). Probably a variant of the line "He whom the gods love dies young", derived from [[Menander]]'s play ''The Double Deceiver'' via [[Plautus]] (''Bacchides'' 816-7). *** ''quem'' (or ''quos'') ''Deus perdere vult, dementat prius.'' **** Whom God wishes to destroy, he first sends mad. *** '''Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad.''' **** This variant is spoken by [[w:Prometheus|Prometheus]], in ''The Masque of Pandora'' (1875) by [[Henry Wadsworth Longfellow]] *** Those whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad. **** As quoted in ''George Fox Interpreted: The Religion, Revelations, Motives and Mission of George Fox'' (1881) by Thomas Ellwood Longshore, p. 154 *** Those whom God wishes to destroy, he first makes mad. **** As quoted in ''[[w:Bartlett's Familiar Quotations|Bartlett's Familiar Quotations]]'' 16th edition (1992) *** Nor do the gods appear in warrior's armour clad <br> To strike them down with sword and spear <br> Those whom they would destroy <br> They first make mad. **** Bhartṛhari, 7th c. AD; as quoted in John Brough, ''Poems from the Sanskrit'', (1968), p, 67 *** ''vināśakāle viparītabuddhiḥ'' **** Sanskrit Saying (also in ''Jatak katha''): "When a man is to be destroyed, his intelligence becomes self-destructive." ** Modern derivatives: The proverb's meaning is changed in many English versions from the 20th and 21st centuries that start with the proverb's first half (through "they") and then end with a phrase that replaces "first make mad" or "make mad." Such versions can be found at Internet search engines by using either of the two keyword phrases that are on Page 2 and Page 4 of the webpage "[http://www.bu.edu/av/celop2/not_ESL/pick_any_wrong_card.pdf Pick any Wrong Card]." The rest of that webpage is frameworks that induce a reader to compose new variations on this proverb. {{Misattributed end}} == Quotes about Euripides == * [[Sophocles]] said that he drew men as they ought to be; Euripides, as they are. ** [[Aristotle]], ''Poetics'', ch. 25 (trans. S. H. Butcher) * I could not bear Euripides at college. I now read my recantation. He has faults undoubtedly. But what a poet! The [[w:Medea (play)|Medea]], the [[w:Alcestis (play)|Alcestis]], the [[w:The Trojan Women|Troades]], the [[w:The Bacchae|Bacchæ]], are alone sufficient to place him in the very first rank. ** [[Thomas Babington Macaulay]] to Thomas Flower Ellis (8 February 1835), quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 431 * The [[w:Orestes (play)|Orestes]] is one of the very finest plays in the Greek language. Among those of Euripides, I should place it next to the Medea and the Bacchæ. It has some very real faults; but it possesses that strong human interest which neither [[Aeschylus|Æschylus]] nor [[Sophocles]],—poets in many respects far superior to Euripides,—ever gave to their dramas. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 474 * The Bacchæ is a most glorious play. I doubt whether it be not superior to the Medea. It is often very obscure; and I am not sure that I fully understand its general scope. But, as a piece of language, it is hardly equalled in the world. And, whether it was intended to encourage or to discourage fanaticism, the picture of fanatical excitement which it exhibits has never been rivalled. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), pp. 474-475 == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{Commonscat|Euripides}} {{wikisource author|Euripides}} * {{gutenberg author| id=Euripides | name=Euripides}} * [http://www.fordham.edu/halsall/ancient/eb11-euripides.html Article in ''Encyclopaedia Britannica'' (11th edition) at Fordham University] * [http://www.perseus.tufts.edu/cgi-bin/vor?x=0&y=0&lookup=Euripides Euripides-related materials at the Perseus Digital Library] * [http://www.theatrehistory.com/ancient/euripides001.html "Euripedes and His Tragedies" at TheatreHistory.com] * [http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0262381/ IMDBs List of movies based on Euripides plays] * [https://www.ellopos.net/elpenor/greek-texts/ancient-greece/euripides.asp Euripides Resources] {{DEFAULTSORT:Euripides}} [[Category:Poets from Greece]] [[Category:Playwrights from Greece]] [[Category:BCE births]] [[Category:BCE deaths]] [[Category:People from Athens]] i5o7jrgybkk7g6sf86zpxkyhxn4afcc 3778890 3778887 2025-07-14T21:38:44Z Ficaia 3085955 /* The Bacchae (405 BC) */ 3778890 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Euripides Pio-Clementino Inv302.jpg|thumb|right|In case of dissension, never dare to judge till you've heard the other side.]] '''[[w:Euripides|Euripides]]''' (Greek: Εὐριπίδης; c. [[480 BC]]–[[406 BC]]) was a [[:Category:Authors|Greek playwright]]. == Quotes == * '''The company of just and righteous men is better than wealth and a rich estate.''' ** ''Ægeus'', fragment 7 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed. 1892) * A bad beginning makes a bad ending. ** ''Æolus'', fragment 32 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * '''Time will explain it all.''' He is a talker, and needs no questioning before he speaks. ** ''Æolus'', fragment 38 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * The nobly born must nobly meet his fate. ** ''Alcmene'', fragment 100 (''Bartlett's'', 1892)<!--''Noblesse oblige''. — Bohn: ''Foreign Proverbs''--> * Waste not fresh tears over old griefs. ** ''Alexander'', fragment 44 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Ἡδύ τοι σωθέντα μεμνῆσθαι πόνων. ** Sweet is the remembrance of troubles when you are in safety. ** ''Andromeda'', fragment 10, 2 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--p. 472-->) * Woman is woman's natural ally. ** ''Alope'', fragment 109 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Man's best possession is a sympathetic wife. ** ''Antigone'', fragment 164 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Ignorance of one's misfortunes is clear gain. ** ''Antiope'', fragment 204 (''Bartlett's'', 1892); cf. [[William Davenant|Davenant]] [[File:Ватикан. Еврипид (Euripide) с актерской маской (ант.статуя) ~1859г 2640.jpg|thumb|right|Events will take their course, it is no good of being angry at them; he is happiest who wisely turns them to the best account.]] * '''Events will take their course, it is no good of being angry at them; he is happiest who wisely turns them to the best account.''' ** [[w:Bellerophon (play)|''Bellerophon'']], fragment 298, in [[Plutarch]], ''Moralia'', "De tranquillitate animi" (tr. [[w:Arthur Richard Shilleto|A. R. Shilleto]], 1888)<!--''Plutarch's Morals: Ethical Essays'' (1888) p. 293--> * '''Doth some one say that there be gods above? <br/>There are not; no, there are not. Let no fool, <br/>Led by the old false fable, thus deceive you.''' <br/>Look at the facts themselves, yielding my words <br/>No undue credence: for I say that kings <br/>Kill, rob, break oaths, lay cities waste by fraud, <br/>And doing thus are happier than those <br/>Who live calm pious lives day after day. All divinity <br/>Is built-up from our good and evil luck. ** ''Bellerophon'', fragment (tr. [[John Addington Symonds|J. A. Symonds]], 1879; rev. [[Maurice Bowra|C. M. Bowra]], 1938<!--First 11 lines by Symonds, ''Studies of the Greek Poets'', 2nd ser. (2nd ed., 1879) p. 294; completed by Bowra for ''The Oxford Book of Greek Verse in Translation'' (1938) p. 457-->) * ἁγὼ οὔτινι θύω πλὴν ἐμοὶ, θεοῖσι δ᾽ οὔ, <br/> καὶ τῇ μεγίστῃ γαστρὶ τῇδε δαιμόνων. ** I sacrifice to no god save myself — <br/> And to my belly, greatest of deities. ** [[w:Cyclops (play)|''Cyclops'']] (''c''. 424-23 BC) l. 334 (ed. Burton Stevenson, 1948<!--''The Home Book of Proverbs, Maxims and Familiar Phrases'' (New York: Macmillan Co., 1948) p. 165-->) **: To what other God but to myself <br/> And this great belly, first of deities, <br/> Should I be bound to sacrifice? <br/> (tr. [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|P. B. Shelley]], wr. 1819; pub. 1824) * I care for riches, to make gifts <br> To friends, or lead a sick man back to health<br> With ease and plenty. Else small aid is wealth <br> For daily gladness; once a man be done <br> With hunger, rich and poor are all as one. ** [[w:Electra (Euripides play)|''Electra'']] (413 BC) l. ? (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1906)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed. 1968--> * On behalf of all those dead<br>who learned their hatred of women long ago,<br>for those who hate them now, for those unborn<br>who shall live to hate them yet, I now declare<br>my firm conviction: neither earth nor ocean<br>produces a creature as savage and monstrous<br>as woman. ** [[w:Hecuba (play)|''Hecuba'']] (424 BC), ll. 1177-1182 (tr. William Arrowsmith, 1956<!--'''Euripides III'' (University of Chicago Press, 1956)-->) **: Let me tell you, if anyone in the past has spoken<br>ill of women, or speaks so now or will speak so<br>in the future, I’ll sum it up for him: Neither sea<br>nor land has ever produced a more monstrous<br>creature than woman.<br>(tr. Jay Kardan and Laura-Gray Street, 2011, in ''Didaskalia'', [https://didaskalia.net/issues/8/32/ vol. 8 no. 32]) * λόγος γάρ ἐστιν οὐκ ἐμός, σοφὸν δ᾽ ἔπος,<br>δεινῆς ἀνάγκης οὐδὲν ἰσχύειν πλέον. ** '''Nothing has more strength than dire necessity.''' ** [[w:Helen (play)|''Helen'']] (412 BC), l. 510 (tr. Richmond Lattimore, 1956), quoting "a saying" * Man's most valuable trait<br>is a judicious sense of what not to believe. ** ''Helen'', ll. 1617-1618 (tr. Richmond Lattimore, 1956) **: There is naught more serviceable to mankind than a prudent distrust. (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891)<!--''The Plays of Euripides'' (London: George Bell & Sons, 1891), 2 vols.--><!--Unsourced: "Nothing is more useful to mankind than a prudent distrust."--> * Who can decide a plea or judge a speech until he has heard plainly from both sides? ** ''Heraclidæ'' (''c''. 428 BC), [https://www.perseus.tufts.edu/hopper/text?doc=Perseus%3Atext%3A1999.01.0104%3Acard%3D134 ll. 179-180] (tr. David Kovacs), quoted by [[Aristophanes]] in ''The Wasps'' **: In case of dissension, never dare to judge till you've heard the other side. (''Forbes'', vol. 86 no. 10 (15 Nov. 1960) p. 70) * '''Leave no stone unturned.''' ** ''Heraclidæ'' (''c''. 428 BC), l. 1002 (''Bartlett's'', 1892)<!--cf. [[Samuel Butler (poet)|Butler]], ''Hudibras''--> * '''Ares hates those who hesitate.''' ** ''Heraclidæ'' (''c''. 428 BC) l. 722 (ed. H. L. Mencken, 1942, '60)<!--H. L. Mencken, ''A New Dictionary of Quotations on Historical Principles'' (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1942; 1960)--> **: Ares hates the sluggard most of all. (tr. David Kovacs) * Yet do I hold that mortal foolish who strives against the stress of necessity. ** ''Hercules Furens'', l. 281 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * O lady, nobility is thine, and thy form is the reflection of thy nature! ** [[w:Ion (play)|''Ion'']]<!--"Gon."--> (''c''. 421-408 BC) l. 238 (tr. E. F. Burr, 1880)<!--''Dio, the Athenian; or, From Olympus to Calvary'' (New York: Phillips & Hunt, 1880, ch. 17 epigraph (p. 385); also in J. K. Hoyt and Anna L. Ward, ''The Cyclopædia of Practical Quotations'' (New York: I. K. Funk & Co., 1882), p. 290--> * Authority is never without hate. ** ''Ion'' (c. 421-408 BC) l. ? (tr. Ronald F. Willetts, 1958) * Thou didst bring me forth for all the Greeks in common, not for thyself alone. ** [[w:Iphigenia in Aulis|''Iphigenia in Aulis'']], l. 1386 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * '''A coward turns away, but a brave man's choice is danger.''' ** [[w:Iphigenia in Tauris|''Iphigenia in Tauris'']] (''c''. 412 BC) l. 114 (tr. Richmond Lattimore, 1956) * '''There is in the worst of fortune the best of chances for a happy change.''' ** ''Iphigenia in Tauris'' (''c''. 412 BC) l. 721 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Toil, says the proverb, is the sire of fame. ** ''Licymnius'', fragment 477 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * A bad ending follows a bad beginning. ** ''Melanippe the Wise'', fragment (tr. E. F. Burr, 1880<!--Ch. 15 (p. 370)-->)<!--Unsourced variant: "A bad beginning makes a bad ending."--> [[File:Seated Euripides Louvre Ma343.jpg|thumb|right|When good men die their goodness does not perish, but lives though they are gone. As for the bad, all that was theirs dies and is buried with them.]] * '''Cowards do not count in battle; they are there, but not in it.''' ** ''Meleager'' fragment 523 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * A woman should be good for everything at home, but abroad good for nothing. ** ''Meleager'', fragment 525 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Silver and gold are not the only coin; virtue too passes current all over the world. ** ''Œdipus'', fragment 546 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Every man is like the company he is wont to keep. ** ''Phœnix'', fragment 812<!--or: 809--> (''Bartlett's'', 1892)<!--Unsourced variant: "He is like the very men whose company he enjoys."--> * Ὦ φιλόζωοι βροτοὶ,<br/>οἱ τὴν ἐπιστείχουσαν ἡμέραν ἰδεῖν<br/>οὕτως ἔρως βροτοῖσιν ἐγκεῖται βίου ** O ye life-loving mortals,<br/>Who ever long to see the coming day,<br/>Though ye be weighed down with a thousand sorrows!<br/>So strong the yearning of mankind for life. ** ''Phœnix'', fragment 12 (''Harbottle's'', 1897<!--T. B. Harbottle, [https://archive.org/stream/dictionaryquota04harbgoog#page/n556/mode/2up ''Dictionary of Quotations (Classical)''] (London: Swan Sonnenschein & Co., Ltd., 1897) p. 538-->) * Who knows but life be that which men call death,<br>And death what men call life? ** ''Phrixus'', fragment 830 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) **: Who knows if that be life which we call death,<br>And life be dying? (tr. J. A. Symonds, 1879)<!--''Studies of the Greek Poets'', 2nd ser. (2nd ed., 1879) p. 291 note--> * Whoso neglects learning in his youth, loses the past and is dead for the future. ** ''Phrixus'', fragment 927 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * The gods visit the sins of the fathers upon the children. ** ''Phrixus'', fragment 970 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Πᾶσιν γὰρ εὖ φρονοῦσι συμμαχεῖ τύχη. ** '''For chance fights ever on the side of the prudent.''' ** ''Pirithous'', adapted (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--p. 477-->) * "Η τοῖσιν εὐφρονοῦσι συμμαχεῖ τύχη. ** Fortune truly helps those who are of good judgement. ** ''Pirithous'' (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--p. 781 note-->) * Where two discourse, if the one's anger rise, <br> The man who lets the contest fall is wise. ** ''Protesilaus'', fragment 656, in Plutarch, ''Moralia'', "De liberis educandis" (tr. Several Hands, 1684) * '''Slight not what's near through aiming at what's far.''' ** [[w:Rhesus (play)|''Rhesus'']] (''c''. 435 BC) l. 482 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * '''For naught is there more sweet unto an aged sire than a daughter's love.''' ** [[w:The Suppliants (Euripides)|''The Suppliants'']] (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891)<!--Unsourced: '''For nothing is there more sweet unto an aged father than a daughter'''--> * Naught is more hostile to a city than a despot; where he is, there are in the first place no laws common to all, but one man is tyrant, in whose keeping and in his alone the law resides, and in that case equality is at an end. ** ''The Suppliants'' (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891) * '''When good men die their goodness does not perish, <br> But lives though they are gone.''' As for the bad, <br> All that was theirs dies and is buried with them. ** ''Temenidæ'', fragment 734 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * '''Helen''': What happened in my heart, to make me leave my home<br />And my own land, to follow where a stranger led?<br />Rail at the goddess; be more resolute than Zeus,<br />Who holds power over all other divinities<br />But is himself the slave of love. Show Aphrodite<br />Your indignation; me, pardon and sympathy.<br />'''Hecabe''': No; Paris was an extremely handsome man – one look,<br />And your appetite became your Aphrodite. Why,<br />Men's lawless lusts are all called love – it's a confusion<br />Easily made. ** ''[[w:The Trojan Women|Troades]]'' (c. 415 BC), ll. 946–950 and 987–990 (tr. Philip Vellacott, 1954) * ἡ γὰρ σιωπὴ τοῖς σοφοῖσ<br>ἀπόκρισις. ** Silence is an answer in the eyes of the wise. ** Unidentified play, [[Talk:Euripides#Source Information for "Silence is true wisdom's best reply."|fragment 977]] (tr. Christopher Collard and Martin Cropp, [[w:LoeB Classical Library|L504]])<!--cf. [[Honoré Gabriel Riqueti, comte de Mirabeau#Attributed|Mirabeau]]--> **: For silence is true wisdom's best reply. (tr. R. B. Appleton, 1927)<!--''Euripides the Idealist'' (London: J. M. Dent, 1927), p. 194--> === ''[[w:Alcestis|Alcestis]]'' (438 BC) === * Never say that marriage has more of joy than pain. ** l. 238 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1960) * A second wife <br> is hateful to the children of the first, <br> a viper is not more hateful. ** l. 309 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) * '''Oh, if I had [[w:Orpheus|Orpheus]]' voice and poetry <br>with which to move the Dark Maid and her Lord, <br>I'd call you back, dear love, from the world below.''' <br>I'd go down there for you. Charôn or the grim <br>King's dog could not prevent me then <br>from carrying you up into the fields of light. ** l. 358 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) * Κούφα σοι χθὼν ἐπάνωθε πέσοι. ** Light be the earth upon you, lightly rest. ** l. 462 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960)<!--Thus petitions the Chorus over the dead body of the heroine, untimely rapt away. Cf. [[Martial]], 9, 30, 11: ''Sit tibi terra levis'' (abbrev. ''S.T.T.L.'')—"May earth lie light upon thee." Common funeral inscription. [[Ovid]], in the same spirit, prays for the repose of [[Tibullus]], ''Amores, 3, 9, 67), ''Ossa quieta precor tuta requiescite in urna, / Et sit humus cineri non onerosa tuo.''—"Inurned in peace, may thy bones rest, I pray; / And on thy ashes earth no burden lay." —''Classical and Foreign Quotations'' (1904) no. 2578--> * Old men's prayers for death are lying prayers, in which they abuse old age and long extent of life. But when death draws near, not one is willing to die, and age no longer is a burden to them. ** l. 669 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Dishonour will not trouble me, once I am dead. ** l. 726 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) * No one can confidently say that he will still be living tomorrow. ** ll. 783-4 (tr. Robert and Mary Collison, 1980)<!--''Dictionary of Foreign Quotations'' (New York: Facts on File, 1980) p. 114--> * Today's today. Tomorrow we may be<br>Ourselves gone down the drain of Eternity. ** l. 788 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) * '''I have found power in the mysteries of thought, <br> Exaltation in the changing of the Muses; <br> I have been versed in the reasonings of men; <br> But Fate is stronger than anything I have known.''' ** l. 962 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) * Time cancels young pain. ** l. 1085 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) === ''[[w:Medea (play)|Medea]]'' (431 BC) === * Of all things upon earth that bleed and grow,<br />'''A herb most bruised is [[woman]].''' ** Lines 230–231 (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1912) * The fountains of sacred rivers flow upwards. ** Line 409 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--p. 468-->) * The gifts of a bad man bring no good with them. ** Line 618 (''Bartlett's'', 1892)<!--Other translations: (1) ''The Hecuba, Orestes, Phœnician Virgins, and Medea, of Euripides; Literally Translated into English Prose, from the Text of Porson'' (Oxford: for D. A. Talboys, 1820), p. 214: "For the gifts of a bad man bring no assistance." (2) T. W. C. Edwards, ''The Medea, Literally Translated into English Prose, from the Text of Porson'' (London: Simpkin, Marshall, and Co., 1840: "For the gifts of a bad man have no avail."--> * Moderation, the noblest gift of Heaven. ** Line 636 (tr. [[Georgiana Chatterton]], 1863)<!--''The Heiress and Her Lovers'' (London: Richard Bentley, 1863), vol. 2 (front matter); cited in ''Bartlett's'', 1892--> * Of troubles none is greater than to be robbed of one’s native land. ** Line 653 (tr. David Kovacs) **: For nothing is like the sorrow or supersedes the sadness of losing your native land. (tr. [[w:Paul Roche|Paul Roche]], 1974) * πείθειν δῶρα καὶ θεοὺς λόγος ** It is said that gifts persuade even the gods. ** Line 964 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--W. Gurney Benham, ''A Book of Quotations'' (1907), p. 470-->)<!--also in ''Hoyt's'' (1922), p. 311--> * I know, indeed, the evil of that I purpose; but my inclination gets the better of my judgment. ** Line 1078 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * χαλεπὰ γὰρ βροτοῖς ὁμογενῆ μιά-<br>σματ᾽, ἕπεται δ᾽ ἅμ᾽ αὐτοφόνταις ξυνῳ-<br>δὰ θεόθεν πίτνοντ᾽ ἐπὶ δόμοις ἄχη. ** Grievous for mortals is the stain of kindred blood. For the murderers are dogged by woes harmonious with their deeds, sent by the gods upon their houses. ** Lines 1268-1270 (tr. David Kovacs) === ''[[w:Hippolytus (play)|Hippolytus]]'' (428 BC) === [[File:Death Hippolytus Lemoyne Louvre MR2026.jpg|thumb|right|There is one thing alone that stands the brunt of life throughout its course: a quiet conscience.]] * μόνον δὲ τοῦτό φασ᾽ ἁμιλλᾶσθαι βίῳ,<br>γνώμην δικαίαν κἀγαθήν ὅτῳ παρῇ ** Only one thing, they say, competes in value with life, the possession of a heart blameless and good. ** ll. 426-427 (tr. David Kovacs) * In this world second thoughts, it seems, are best. ** l. 435<!--or: 438--> (tr. [[w:David Grene|David Grene]], 1942<!--''Three Greek Tragedies in Translation'' (University of Chicago Press, 1942), p. 188-->) **: Among mortals second thoughts are the wisest. (tr. [[w:Theodore Alois Buckley|T. A. W. Buckley]], 1850<!--''The Tragedies of Euripides (Henry G. Bohn, 1850), 2 vols.-->) <br> Second thoughts are ever wiser. (''Bartlett's'', 1892) <br> Among mortals second thoughts are wisest. (''Hoyt's'', 1882<!--p. 419-->) * ἡ γλῶσσ᾽ ὀμώμοχ᾽, ἡ δὲ φρὴν ἀνώμοτος ** 'Twas but my tongue, 'twas not my soul that swore. ** l. 612 (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1902) **: My tongue swore, but my mind was still unpledged. (tr. David Grene, 1942) * '''The credit we get for wisdom is measured by our success.''' ** l. 701 (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891) === ''[[w:Orestes (play)|Orestes]]'' (408 BC) === [[File:Orestes Pursued by the Furies by William-Adolphe Bouguereau (1862) - Google Art Project.jpg |thumb|right|''The Remorse of Orestes'' by William-Adolphe Bouguereau]] * '''Love is all we have, the only way that each can help the other.''' ** l. 298 (tr. [[w:William Arrowsmith|William Arrowsmith]], 1958<!--''Euripides IV'' (University of Chicago Press, 1958)-->) * Ὅταν γὰρ ἡδὺς τοῖς λόγοις, φρονῶν κακῶς <br> πείθῃ τὸ πλῆθος, τῇ πόλει κακὸν μέγα. ** When one with honeyed words but evil mind<br> Persuades the mob, great woes befall the state. ** l. 907 (''Harbottle's'', 1897<!--p. 447-->) === ''[[w:The Phoenician Women|The Phoenician Women]]''<!--c. 411-409 BC?--> === * ἓν μὲν μέγιστον, οὐκ ἔχει παρρησίαν. * [T]his is slavery, not to speak one’s thought. ** Line 392, Jocasta (tr. Elizabeth Wyckoff, 1958<!--''Euripides IV'' (University of Chicago Press, 1958) p. 472-->) **: Who dares not speak his free thoughts is a slave. (tr. [[w:Robert Potter (translator)|R. Potter]], 1823<!--''The Tragedies of Euripides'' (Oxford: W. Baxter, 1823), 2 vols.-->) * ἁπλοῦς ὁ μῦθος τῆς ἀληθείας ἔφυ, <br> κοὐ ποικίλων δεῖ τἄνδιχ᾽ ἑρμηνευμάτων ** The words of truth are simple, and justice needs no subtle interpretations, for it hath a fitness in itself. ** Lines 469–470 (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891<!--Revised by George Panagiotou: "The words of truth are naturally simple, and justice needs no subtle interpretations, for it has a fitness in itself."-->) === ''[[w:The Bacchae|The Bacchae]]'' (405 BC) === [[File:Euripides altes Museum.jpg|thumb|right|Humility, a sense of reverence before the sons of heaven — of all the prizes that a mortal man might win, these, I say, are wisest; these are best.]] * But cleverness is not wisdom, nor is the thinking on things unfit for mortals. ** Line 395 (tr. [[w:Theodore Alois Buckley|T. A. W. Buckley]], 1850)<!--Unsourced: "Cleverness is not wisdom. And not to think mortal thoughts is to see few days."--> * '''Dionysus''': He who believes needs no explanation.<br /> '''Pentheus''': What's the worth in believing worthless things? <br />'''Dionysus''': Much worth, but not worth telling you, it seems. ** Line 472 (tr. [[w:Colin Teevan|Colin Teevan]], 2002) * '''Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.''' ** Lines 479-480 (tr. William Arrowsmith, 1958) **: To the fool, he who speaks wisdom will sound foolish. (''Bartlett's'', 13th ed. 1955) **: He were a fool, methinks, who would utter wisdom to a fool. (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891) **: Wise words being brought to blinded eyes will seem as things of nought. (tr. [[Gilbert Murray]], 1902) * '''Slow but sure moves the might of the gods.''' ** Line 882 (''Bartlett's'', 14th ed. 1968) **: Slowly but surely withal moveth the might of the gods. (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed. 1892) * χρηστοῖσι δούλοις συμφορὰ τὰ δεσποτῶν. ** The misfortunes of their masters are a concern to good servants. ** Line 1028 (tr. [[w:Theodore Alois Buckley|T. A. W. Buckley]], 1850)<!--Unsourced translation: "Good slaves [are affected by] the adversities of their masters."--> note: the original sentence does not contain any verb * '''Humility, a sense of reverence before the sons of heaven — of all the prizes that a mortal man might win, these, I say, are wisest; these are best.''' ** Line 1150 (tr. William Arrowsmith, 1958) {{Disputed begin}} == Disputed == * Σοφὸς ἦν τις, ὃς τὸ θεῖον εἰσηγήσατο. ** '''I maintain, <br> Some shrewd man first, a man in counsel wise,<br>Discovered unto men the fear of Gods,<br>Thereby to frighten sinners should they sin <br>E'en secretly in deed, or word, or thought.''' ** [[w:Sisyphus fragment|Sisyphus fragment]], in [[Sextus Empiricus]], ''Against the Physicists'', bk. 1 sec. 54 (tr. R. G. Bury, [[w:Loeb Classical Library|L311]])<!--Revised by J. Garrett: "I think, / Some shrewd man first, a man in judgment wise, / Found for mortals the fear of gods, / Thereby to frighten the wicked should they / Even act or speak or scheme in secret."--> **: He was a wise man who originated the idea of God. (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--p. 478-->) * Most cunning doctrine did he introduce,<br>The truth concealing under speech untrue.<br>The place he spoke of as the God's abode<br>Was that whereby he could affright men most,—<br>The place from which, he knew, both terrors came<br>And easements unto men of toilsome life—<br>To wit the vault above, wherein do dwell<br>The lightnings, he beheld, and awesome claps<br>Of thunder, and the starry face of heaven,<br>Fair-spangled by that cunning craftsman Time,—<br>Whence, too, the meteor's glowing mass doth speed<br>And liquid rain descends upon the earth. ** Sisyphus fragment (tr. R. G. Bury, L311)<!--Revised by J. Garrett: The sweetest teaching did he introduce, / Concealing truth under untrue speech. / The place he spoke of as the gods' abode<br>Was that by which he might awe humans most, — / The place from which, he knew, terrors came to mortals / And things advantageous in their wearisome life — / The revolving heaven above, in which dwell / The lightnings, and awesome claps / Of thunder, and the starry face of heaven, / Beautiful and intricate by that wise craftsman Time, — / From which, too, the meteor's glowing mass speeds / And wet thunderstorm pours forth upon the earth.--> * I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right. ** Supposedly in ''The Suppliants'' [https://archive.org/search?query=%22shall+find+scholars+later+to+demonstrate%22&sin=TXT&sort=date] ** Also attributed to [[Frederick the Great]] of Prussia {{Disputed end}} {{Misattributed begin}} == Misattributed == * Account no man happy till he dies. ** [[Sophocles]], ''Oedipus Rex'' l. 1529 ** Cf. [[Herodotus]], bk. 1 ch. 32: But refrain from calling him fortunate before he dies; call him lucky. (tr. A. D. Godley, 1920) * Circumstances rule men and not men circumstances. ** [[Herodotus]], Book 7, Ch. 49; Misattributed to Euripedes in "The Imperial Four" by Professor Creasy in ''Bentley's Miscellany'' Vol. 33 (January 1853), p. 22 ** Variant translation: Circumstances rule men; men do not rule circumstances. * Those whom the gods wish to destroy they first make mad. ** Anonymous ancient proverb, wrongly attributed to Euripides. The version here is quoted as a "heathen proverb" in ''Daniel, a Model for Young Men'' (1854) by William Anderson Scott. The origin of the misattribution to Euripides is unknown. Several variants are quoted in ancient texts, as follows. ** Variants and derived paraphrases: *** For cunningly of old <br>was the celebrated saying revealed: <br>evil sometimes seems good <br>to a man whose mind <br>a god leads to destruction. **** Sophocles, ''Antigone'' 620-3, a play pre-dating any of Euripides' surviving plays. An ancient commentary explains the passage as a paraphrase of the following, from another, earlier poet. *** When a god plans harm against a man, <br> he first damages the mind of the man he is plotting against. **** Quoted in the ''scholia vetera'' to Sophocles' ''Antigone'' 620ff., without attribution. The meter (iambic trimeter) suggests that the source of the quotation is a tragic play. *** For whenever the anger of divine spirits harms someone, <br>it first does this: it steals away his mind <br>and good sense, and turns his thought to foolishness,''' <br>so that he should know nothing of his mistakes. **** Attributed to "some of the old poets" by [[w:Lycurgus of Athens|Lycurgus of Athens]] in his ''Oratio In Leocratem'' [''Oration Against Leocrates''], section 92. Again, the meter suggests that the source is a tragic play. These lines are misattributed to the much earlier semi-mythical statesman [[w:Lycurgus of Sparta|Lycurgus of Sparta]] in a footnote of recent editions of ''[[w:Bartlett's Familiar Quotations|Bartlett's Familiar Quotations]]'' and other works. *** The gods do nothing until they have blinded the minds of the wicked. **** Variant in ''''Dictionary of Quotations (Classical)'' (1906), compiled by Thomas Benfield Harbottle, p. 433. *** Whom Fortune wishes to destroy she first makes mad.''' **** [[Publilius Syrus]], Maxim 911 *** The devil when he purports any evil against man, first perverts his mind. **** As quoted by [[w:Athenagoras of Athens|Athenagoras of Athens]] in ''Legatio Pro Christianis''. *** ''quem Iuppiter vult perdere, dementat prius.'' **** "Whom Jupiter wishes to destroy, he first sends mad"; neo-Latin version. Similar wording is found in [[w:James Duport|James Duport]]'s ''Homeri Gnomologia'' (1660), p. 234. "A maxim of obscure origin which may have been invented in Cambridge about 1640" -- Taylor, ''The Proverb'' (1931). Probably a variant of the line "He whom the gods love dies young", derived from [[Menander]]'s play ''The Double Deceiver'' via [[Plautus]] (''Bacchides'' 816-7). *** ''quem'' (or ''quos'') ''Deus perdere vult, dementat prius.'' **** Whom God wishes to destroy, he first sends mad. *** '''Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad.''' **** This variant is spoken by [[w:Prometheus|Prometheus]], in ''The Masque of Pandora'' (1875) by [[Henry Wadsworth Longfellow]] *** Those whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad. **** As quoted in ''George Fox Interpreted: The Religion, Revelations, Motives and Mission of George Fox'' (1881) by Thomas Ellwood Longshore, p. 154 *** Those whom God wishes to destroy, he first makes mad. **** As quoted in ''[[w:Bartlett's Familiar Quotations|Bartlett's Familiar Quotations]]'' 16th edition (1992) *** Nor do the gods appear in warrior's armour clad <br> To strike them down with sword and spear <br> Those whom they would destroy <br> They first make mad. **** Bhartṛhari, 7th c. AD; as quoted in John Brough, ''Poems from the Sanskrit'', (1968), p, 67 *** ''vināśakāle viparītabuddhiḥ'' **** Sanskrit Saying (also in ''Jatak katha''): "When a man is to be destroyed, his intelligence becomes self-destructive." ** Modern derivatives: The proverb's meaning is changed in many English versions from the 20th and 21st centuries that start with the proverb's first half (through "they") and then end with a phrase that replaces "first make mad" or "make mad." Such versions can be found at Internet search engines by using either of the two keyword phrases that are on Page 2 and Page 4 of the webpage "[http://www.bu.edu/av/celop2/not_ESL/pick_any_wrong_card.pdf Pick any Wrong Card]." The rest of that webpage is frameworks that induce a reader to compose new variations on this proverb. {{Misattributed end}} == Quotes about Euripides == * [[Sophocles]] said that he drew men as they ought to be; Euripides, as they are. ** [[Aristotle]], ''Poetics'', ch. 25 (trans. S. H. Butcher) * I could not bear Euripides at college. I now read my recantation. He has faults undoubtedly. But what a poet! The [[w:Medea (play)|Medea]], the [[w:Alcestis (play)|Alcestis]], the [[w:The Trojan Women|Troades]], the [[w:The Bacchae|Bacchæ]], are alone sufficient to place him in the very first rank. ** [[Thomas Babington Macaulay]] to Thomas Flower Ellis (8 February 1835), quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 431 * The [[w:Orestes (play)|Orestes]] is one of the very finest plays in the Greek language. Among those of Euripides, I should place it next to the Medea and the Bacchæ. It has some very real faults; but it possesses that strong human interest which neither [[Aeschylus|Æschylus]] nor [[Sophocles]],—poets in many respects far superior to Euripides,—ever gave to their dramas. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 474 * The Bacchæ is a most glorious play. I doubt whether it be not superior to the Medea. It is often very obscure; and I am not sure that I fully understand its general scope. But, as a piece of language, it is hardly equalled in the world. And, whether it was intended to encourage or to discourage fanaticism, the picture of fanatical excitement which it exhibits has never been rivalled. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), pp. 474-475 == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{Commonscat|Euripides}} {{wikisource author|Euripides}} * {{gutenberg author| id=Euripides | name=Euripides}} * [http://www.fordham.edu/halsall/ancient/eb11-euripides.html Article in ''Encyclopaedia Britannica'' (11th edition) at Fordham University] * [http://www.perseus.tufts.edu/cgi-bin/vor?x=0&y=0&lookup=Euripides Euripides-related materials at the Perseus Digital Library] * [http://www.theatrehistory.com/ancient/euripides001.html "Euripedes and His Tragedies" at TheatreHistory.com] * [http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0262381/ IMDBs List of movies based on Euripides plays] * [https://www.ellopos.net/elpenor/greek-texts/ancient-greece/euripides.asp Euripides Resources] {{DEFAULTSORT:Euripides}} [[Category:Poets from Greece]] [[Category:Playwrights from Greece]] [[Category:BCE births]] [[Category:BCE deaths]] [[Category:People from Athens]] 4z2u19e75z744kz00tt15qjdjzard8n 3778925 3778890 2025-07-14T22:52:31Z Ficaia 3085955 3778925 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Euripides Pio-Clementino Inv302.jpg|thumb|right|In case of dissension, never dare to judge till you've heard the other side.]] '''[[w:Euripides|Euripides]]''' (Greek: Εὐριπίδης; c. [[480 BC]]–[[406 BC]]) was a [[:Category:Authors|Greek playwright]]. == Quotes == * ἁγὼ οὔτινι θύω πλὴν ἐμοὶ, θεοῖσι δ᾽ οὔ, <br/> καὶ τῇ μεγίστῃ γαστρὶ τῇδε δαιμόνων. ** I sacrifice to no god save myself — <br/> And to my belly, greatest of deities. ** [[w:Cyclops (play)|''Cyclops'']] (''c''. 424-23 BC) l. 334 (ed. Burton Stevenson, 1948<!--''The Home Book of Proverbs, Maxims and Familiar Phrases'' (New York: Macmillan Co., 1948) p. 165-->) **: To what other God but to myself <br/> And this great belly, first of deities, <br/> Should I be bound to sacrifice? <br/> (tr. [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|P. B. Shelley]], wr. 1819; pub. 1824) * I care for riches, to make gifts <br> To friends, or lead a sick man back to health<br> With ease and plenty. Else small aid is wealth <br> For daily gladness; once a man be done <br> With hunger, rich and poor are all as one. ** [[w:Electra (Euripides play)|''Electra'']] (413 BC) l. ? (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1906)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed. 1968--> * On behalf of all those dead<br>who learned their hatred of women long ago,<br>for those who hate them now, for those unborn<br>who shall live to hate them yet, I now declare<br>my firm conviction: neither earth nor ocean<br>produces a creature as savage and monstrous<br>as woman. ** [[w:Hecuba (play)|''Hecuba'']] (424 BC), ll. 1177-1182 (tr. William Arrowsmith, 1956<!--'''Euripides III'' (University of Chicago Press, 1956)-->) **: Let me tell you, if anyone in the past has spoken<br>ill of women, or speaks so now or will speak so<br>in the future, I’ll sum it up for him: Neither sea<br>nor land has ever produced a more monstrous<br>creature than woman.<br>(tr. Jay Kardan and Laura-Gray Street, 2011, in ''Didaskalia'', [https://didaskalia.net/issues/8/32/ vol. 8 no. 32]) * λόγος γάρ ἐστιν οὐκ ἐμός, σοφὸν δ᾽ ἔπος,<br>δεινῆς ἀνάγκης οὐδὲν ἰσχύειν πλέον. ** '''Nothing has more strength than dire necessity.''' ** [[w:Helen (play)|''Helen'']] (412 BC), l. 510 (tr. Richmond Lattimore, 1956), quoting "a saying" * Man's most valuable trait<br>is a judicious sense of what not to believe. ** ''Helen'', ll. 1617-1618 (tr. Richmond Lattimore, 1956) **: There is naught more serviceable to mankind than a prudent distrust. (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891)<!--''The Plays of Euripides'' (London: George Bell & Sons, 1891), 2 vols.--><!--Unsourced: "Nothing is more useful to mankind than a prudent distrust."--> * Who can decide a plea or judge a speech until he has heard plainly from both sides? ** [[w:Children of Heracles|''Heraclidæ'']] (''c''. 428 BC), [https://www.perseus.tufts.edu/hopper/text?doc=Perseus%3Atext%3A1999.01.0104%3Acard%3D134 ll. 179-180] (tr. David Kovacs), quoted by [[Aristophanes]] in ''The Wasps'' **: In case of dissension, never dare to judge till you've heard the other side. (''Forbes'', vol. 86 no. 10 (15 Nov. 1960) p. 70) * '''Leave no stone unturned.''' ** ''Heraclidæ'' (''c''. 428 BC), l. 1002 (''Bartlett's'', 1892)<!--cf. [[Samuel Butler (poet)|Butler]], ''Hudibras''--> * '''Ares hates those who hesitate.''' ** ''Heraclidæ'' (''c''. 428 BC), l. 722 (ed. H. L. Mencken, 1942, '60)<!--H. L. Mencken, ''A New Dictionary of Quotations on Historical Principles'' (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1942; 1960)--> **: Ares hates the sluggard most of all. (tr. David Kovacs) * Yet do I hold that mortal foolish who strives against the stress of necessity. ** [[w:Herakles (Euripides)|''Hercules Furens'']], l. 281 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * O lady, nobility is thine, and thy form is the reflection of thy nature! ** [[w:Ion (play)|''Ion'']]<!--"Gon."--> (''c''. 421-408 BC) l. 238 (tr. E. F. Burr, 1880)<!--''Dio, the Athenian; or, From Olympus to Calvary'' (New York: Phillips & Hunt, 1880, ch. 17 epigraph (p. 385); also in J. K. Hoyt and Anna L. Ward, ''The Cyclopædia of Practical Quotations'' (New York: I. K. Funk & Co., 1882), p. 290--> * Authority is never without hate. ** ''Ion'' (c. 421-408 BC) l. ? (tr. Ronald F. Willetts, 1958) * Thou didst bring me forth for all the Greeks in common, not for thyself alone. ** [[w:Iphigenia in Aulis|''Iphigenia in Aulis'']], l. 1386 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * '''A coward turns away, but a brave man's choice is danger.''' ** [[w:Iphigenia in Tauris|''Iphigenia in Tauris'']] (''c''. 412 BC) l. 114 (tr. Richmond Lattimore, 1956) * '''There is in the worst of fortune the best of chances for a happy change.''' ** ''Iphigenia in Tauris'' (''c''. 412 BC) l. 721 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * '''Slight not what's near through aiming at what's far.''' ** [[w:Rhesus (play)|''Rhesus'']] (''c''. 435 BC) l. 482 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * '''For naught is there more sweet unto an aged sire than a daughter's love.''' ** [[w:The Suppliants (Euripides)|''The Suppliants'']] (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891)<!--Unsourced: '''For nothing is there more sweet unto an aged father than a daughter'''--> * Naught is more hostile to a city than a despot; where he is, there are in the first place no laws common to all, but one man is tyrant, in whose keeping and in his alone the law resides, and in that case equality is at an end. ** ''The Suppliants'' (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891) * '''Helen''': What happened in my heart, to make me leave my home<br />And my own land, to follow where a stranger led?<br />Rail at the goddess; be more resolute than Zeus,<br />Who holds power over all other divinities<br />But is himself the slave of love. Show Aphrodite<br />Your indignation; me, pardon and sympathy.<br />'''Hecabe''': No; Paris was an extremely handsome man – one look,<br />And your appetite became your Aphrodite. Why,<br />Men's lawless lusts are all called love – it's a confusion<br />Easily made. ** ''[[w:The Trojan Women|Troades]]'' (c. 415 BC), ll. 946–950 and 987–990 (tr. Philip Vellacott, 1954) === ''[[w:Alcestis|Alcestis]]'' (438 BC) === * Never say that marriage has more of joy than pain. ** l. 238 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1960) * A second wife <br> is hateful to the children of the first, <br> a viper is not more hateful. ** l. 309 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) * '''Oh, if I had [[w:Orpheus|Orpheus]]' voice and poetry <br>with which to move the Dark Maid and her Lord, <br>I'd call you back, dear love, from the world below.''' <br>I'd go down there for you. Charôn or the grim <br>King's dog could not prevent me then <br>from carrying you up into the fields of light. ** l. 358 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) * Κούφα σοι χθὼν ἐπάνωθε πέσοι. ** Light be the earth upon you, lightly rest. ** l. 462 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960)<!--Thus petitions the Chorus over the dead body of the heroine, untimely rapt away. Cf. [[Martial]], 9, 30, 11: ''Sit tibi terra levis'' (abbrev. ''S.T.T.L.'')—"May earth lie light upon thee." Common funeral inscription. [[Ovid]], in the same spirit, prays for the repose of [[Tibullus]], ''Amores, 3, 9, 67), ''Ossa quieta precor tuta requiescite in urna, / Et sit humus cineri non onerosa tuo.''—"Inurned in peace, may thy bones rest, I pray; / And on thy ashes earth no burden lay." —''Classical and Foreign Quotations'' (1904) no. 2578--> * Old men's prayers for death are lying prayers, in which they abuse old age and long extent of life. But when death draws near, not one is willing to die, and age no longer is a burden to them. ** l. 669 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Dishonour will not trouble me, once I am dead. ** l. 726 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) * No one can confidently say that he will still be living tomorrow. ** ll. 783-4 (tr. Robert and Mary Collison, 1980)<!--''Dictionary of Foreign Quotations'' (New York: Facts on File, 1980) p. 114--> * Today's today. Tomorrow we may be<br>Ourselves gone down the drain of Eternity. ** l. 788 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) * '''I have found power in the mysteries of thought, <br> Exaltation in the changing of the Muses; <br> I have been versed in the reasonings of men; <br> But Fate is stronger than anything I have known.''' ** l. 962 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) * Time cancels young pain. ** l. 1085 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) === ''[[w:Medea (play)|Medea]]'' (431 BC) === * Of all things upon earth that bleed and grow,<br />'''A herb most bruised is [[woman]].''' ** Lines 230–231 (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1912) * The fountains of sacred rivers flow upwards. ** Line 409 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--p. 468-->) * The gifts of a bad man bring no good with them. ** Line 618 (''Bartlett's'', 1892)<!--Other translations: (1) ''The Hecuba, Orestes, Phœnician Virgins, and Medea, of Euripides; Literally Translated into English Prose, from the Text of Porson'' (Oxford: for D. A. Talboys, 1820), p. 214: "For the gifts of a bad man bring no assistance." (2) T. W. C. Edwards, ''The Medea, Literally Translated into English Prose, from the Text of Porson'' (London: Simpkin, Marshall, and Co., 1840: "For the gifts of a bad man have no avail."--> * Moderation, the noblest gift of Heaven. ** Line 636 (tr. [[Georgiana Chatterton]], 1863)<!--''The Heiress and Her Lovers'' (London: Richard Bentley, 1863), vol. 2 (front matter); cited in ''Bartlett's'', 1892--> * Of troubles none is greater than to be robbed of one’s native land. ** Line 653 (tr. David Kovacs) **: For nothing is like the sorrow or supersedes the sadness of losing your native land. (tr. [[w:Paul Roche|Paul Roche]], 1974) * πείθειν δῶρα καὶ θεοὺς λόγος ** It is said that gifts persuade even the gods. ** Line 964 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--W. Gurney Benham, ''A Book of Quotations'' (1907), p. 470-->)<!--also in ''Hoyt's'' (1922), p. 311--> * I know, indeed, the evil of that I purpose; but my inclination gets the better of my judgment. ** Line 1078 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * χαλεπὰ γὰρ βροτοῖς ὁμογενῆ μιά-<br>σματ᾽, ἕπεται δ᾽ ἅμ᾽ αὐτοφόνταις ξυνῳ-<br>δὰ θεόθεν πίτνοντ᾽ ἐπὶ δόμοις ἄχη. ** Grievous for mortals is the stain of kindred blood. For the murderers are dogged by woes harmonious with their deeds, sent by the gods upon their houses. ** Lines 1268-1270 (tr. David Kovacs) === ''[[w:Hippolytus (play)|Hippolytus]]'' (428 BC) === [[File:Death Hippolytus Lemoyne Louvre MR2026.jpg|thumb|right|There is one thing alone that stands the brunt of life throughout its course: a quiet conscience.]] * μόνον δὲ τοῦτό φασ᾽ ἁμιλλᾶσθαι βίῳ,<br>γνώμην δικαίαν κἀγαθήν ὅτῳ παρῇ ** Only one thing, they say, competes in value with life, the possession of a heart blameless and good. ** ll. 426-427 (tr. David Kovacs) * In this world second thoughts, it seems, are best. ** l. 435<!--or: 438--> (tr. [[w:David Grene|David Grene]], 1942<!--''Three Greek Tragedies in Translation'' (University of Chicago Press, 1942), p. 188-->) **: Among mortals second thoughts are the wisest. (tr. [[w:Theodore Alois Buckley|T. A. W. Buckley]], 1850<!--''The Tragedies of Euripides (Henry G. Bohn, 1850), 2 vols.-->) <br> Second thoughts are ever wiser. (''Bartlett's'', 1892) <br> Among mortals second thoughts are wisest. (''Hoyt's'', 1882<!--p. 419-->) * ἡ γλῶσσ᾽ ὀμώμοχ᾽, ἡ δὲ φρὴν ἀνώμοτος ** 'Twas but my tongue, 'twas not my soul that swore. ** l. 612 (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1902) **: My tongue swore, but my mind was still unpledged. (tr. David Grene, 1942) * '''The credit we get for wisdom is measured by our success.''' ** l. 701 (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891) === ''[[w:Orestes (play)|Orestes]]'' (408 BC) === [[File:Orestes Pursued by the Furies by William-Adolphe Bouguereau (1862) - Google Art Project.jpg |thumb|right|''The Remorse of Orestes'' by William-Adolphe Bouguereau]] * '''Love is all we have, the only way that each can help the other.''' ** l. 298 (tr. [[w:William Arrowsmith|William Arrowsmith]], 1958<!--''Euripides IV'' (University of Chicago Press, 1958)-->) * Ὅταν γὰρ ἡδὺς τοῖς λόγοις, φρονῶν κακῶς <br> πείθῃ τὸ πλῆθος, τῇ πόλει κακὸν μέγα. ** When one with honeyed words but evil mind<br> Persuades the mob, great woes befall the state. ** l. 907 (''Harbottle's'', 1897<!--p. 447-->) === ''[[w:The Phoenician Women|The Phoenician Women]]''<!--c. 411-409 BC?--> === * ἓν μὲν μέγιστον, οὐκ ἔχει παρρησίαν. * [T]his is slavery, not to speak one’s thought. ** Line 392, Jocasta (tr. Elizabeth Wyckoff, 1958<!--''Euripides IV'' (University of Chicago Press, 1958) p. 472-->) **: Who dares not speak his free thoughts is a slave. (tr. [[w:Robert Potter (translator)|R. Potter]], 1823<!--''The Tragedies of Euripides'' (Oxford: W. Baxter, 1823), 2 vols.-->) * ἁπλοῦς ὁ μῦθος τῆς ἀληθείας ἔφυ, <br> κοὐ ποικίλων δεῖ τἄνδιχ᾽ ἑρμηνευμάτων ** The words of truth are simple, and justice needs no subtle interpretations, for it hath a fitness in itself. ** Lines 469–470 (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891<!--Revised by George Panagiotou: "The words of truth are naturally simple, and justice needs no subtle interpretations, for it has a fitness in itself."-->) === ''[[w:The Bacchae|The Bacchae]]'' (405 BC) === [[File:Euripides altes Museum.jpg|thumb|right|Humility, a sense of reverence before the sons of heaven — of all the prizes that a mortal man might win, these, I say, are wisest; these are best.]] * But cleverness is not wisdom, nor is the thinking on things unfit for mortals. ** Line 395 (tr. [[w:Theodore Alois Buckley|T. A. W. Buckley]], 1850)<!--Unsourced: "Cleverness is not wisdom. And not to think mortal thoughts is to see few days."--> * '''Dionysus''': He who believes needs no explanation.<br /> '''Pentheus''': What's the worth in believing worthless things? <br />'''Dionysus''': Much worth, but not worth telling you, it seems. ** Line 472 (tr. [[w:Colin Teevan|Colin Teevan]], 2002) * '''Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.''' ** Lines 479-480 (tr. William Arrowsmith, 1958) **: To the fool, he who speaks wisdom will sound foolish. (''Bartlett's'', 13th ed. 1955) **: He were a fool, methinks, who would utter wisdom to a fool. (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891) **: Wise words being brought to blinded eyes will seem as things of nought. (tr. [[Gilbert Murray]], 1902) * '''Slow but sure moves the might of the gods.''' ** Line 882 (''Bartlett's'', 14th ed. 1968) **: Slowly but surely withal moveth the might of the gods. (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed. 1892) * χρηστοῖσι δούλοις συμφορὰ τὰ δεσποτῶν. ** The misfortunes of their masters are a concern to good servants. ** Line 1028 (tr. [[w:Theodore Alois Buckley|T. A. W. Buckley]], 1850)<!--Unsourced translation: "Good slaves [are affected by] the adversities of their masters."--> note: the original sentence does not contain any verb * '''Humility, a sense of reverence before the sons of heaven — of all the prizes that a mortal man might win, these, I say, are wisest; these are best.''' ** Line 1150 (tr. William Arrowsmith, 1958) === Fragments === * '''The company of just and righteous men is better than wealth and a rich estate.''' ** ''Ægeus'', frag. 7 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed. 1892) * κακὸν γυναῖκα πρὸς νέαν ζεῦξαι νέον· <br> μακρὰ γὰρ ἰσχὺς μᾶλλον ἀρσένων μένει, <br> θήλεια δ' ἥβη θᾶσσον ἐκλείπει δέμας. ** To mate a youth with a young wife is ill; <br> Seeing a man's strength lasteth, while the bloom <br> Of beauty quickly leaves a woman's form. ** ''Æolus'', frag. 22 (tr. J. A. Symonds, 1879<!--''Studies of the Greek Poets'', 2nd ser. (2nd ed. 1879) p. 289 note-->) * A bad beginning makes a bad ending. ** ''Æolus'', frag. 32 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * '''Time will explain it all.''' He is a talker, and needs no questioning before he speaks. ** ''Æolus'', frag. 38 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Φεῦ φεῦ, παλαιὸς αἶνος ὡς καλῶς ἔχει· <br> γέροντες οὐδέν ἐσμεν ἄλλο πλὴν ψόφος <br> καὶ σχῆμ', ὀνείρων δ᾽ ἕρπομεν μιμήματα· <br> νοῦς δ᾽ οὐκ ἔνεστιν, οἰόμεσθα δ᾽ εὐ φρονεῖν. ** Alas, how right the ancient saying is: <br> We, who are old, are nothing else but noise <br> And shape. Like mimicries of dreams we go, <br> And have no wits, although we think us wise. ** ''Æolus'', frag. (tr. [[Maurice Bowra|C. M. Bowra]], 1938<!--''Oxford Book of Greek Verse in Translation'' (1938) no. 389-->)<!--Greek: ''Tragicorum Graecorum Fragmenta'', ed. A. Nauck, p. 370, no. 2--> * The nobly born must nobly meet his fate. ** ''Alcmene'', frag. 100 (''Bartlett's'', 1892)<!--''Noblesse oblige''. — Bohn: ''Foreign Proverbs''--> * Waste not fresh tears over old griefs. ** ''Alexander'', frag. 44 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Ἡδύ τοι σωθέντα μεμνῆσθαι πόνων. ** Sweet is the remembrance of troubles when you are in safety. ** ''Andromeda'', frag. 10, 2 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--p. 472-->) * Woman is woman's natural ally. ** ''Alope'', frag. 109 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Man's best possession is a sympathetic wife. ** ''Antigone'', frag. 164 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Ignorance of one's misfortunes is clear gain. ** ''Antiope'', frag. 204 (''Bartlett's'', 1892); cf. [[William Davenant|Davenant]] [[File:Ватикан. Еврипид (Euripide) с актерской маской (ант.статуя) ~1859г 2640.jpg|thumb|right|Events will take their course, it is no good of being angry at them; he is happiest who wisely turns them to the best account.]] * '''Events will take their course, it is no good of being angry at them; he is happiest who wisely turns them to the best account.''' ** [[w:Bellerophon (play)|''Bellerophon'']], frag. 298, in [[Plutarch]], ''Moralia'', "De tranquillitate animi" (tr. [[w:Arthur Richard Shilleto|A. R. Shilleto]], 1888)<!--''Plutarch's Morals: Ethical Essays'' (1888) p. 293--> * Φησίν τις εἶναι δῆτ᾽ ἐν οὐρανῷ θεούς; <br> οὐκ εἰσίν, οὐκ εἴσ᾽, εἴ τις ἀνθρώπων θέλει <br> μὴ τῷ παλαιῷ μῶρος ὢν χρῆσθαι λόγῳ. <br> σκέψασθε δ᾽ αὐτοί, μὴ ἐπὶ τοῖς ἐμοῖς λόγοις <br> γνώμην ἔχοντες. φήμ᾽ ἐγὼ τυραννίδα <br> κτείνειν τε πλείστους κτημάτων τ᾿ ἀποστερεῖν <br> ὅρκους τε παραβαίνοντας ἐκπορθεῖν πόλεις· <br> καὶ ταῦτα δρῶντες μᾶλλόν εἰσ᾽ εὐδαίμονες. ** '''Doth some one say that there be gods above? <br/>There are not; no, there are not. Let no fool, <br/>Led by the old false fable, thus deceive you.''' <br/>Look at the facts themselves, yielding my words <br/>No undue credence: for I say that kings <br/>Kill, rob, break oaths, lay cities waste by fraud, <br/>And doing thus are happier than those <br/>Who live calm pious lives day after day. All divinity <br/>Is built-up from our good and evil luck. ** ''Bellerophon'', frag. (tr. [[John Addington Symonds|J. A. Symonds]], 1879; rev. [[Maurice Bowra|C. M. Bowra]], 1938<!--First 11 lines by Symonds, ''Studies of the Greek Poets'', 2nd ser. (2nd ed., 1879) p. 294; completed by Bowra, ''OBGVT'' (1938) no. 391-->)<!--Greek: ''TGF'', p. 445, no. 286--> * Toil, says the proverb, is the sire of fame. ** ''Licymnius'', frag. 477 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * A bad ending follows a bad beginning. ** ''Melanippe the Wise'', frag. (tr. E. F. Burr, 1880<!--''Dio, the Athenian'' (1880) ch. 15 (p. 370)-->)<!--Unsourced variant: "A bad beginning makes a bad ending."--> [[File:Seated Euripides Louvre Ma343.jpg|thumb|right|When good men die their goodness does not perish, but lives though they are gone. As for the bad, all that was theirs dies and is buried with them.]] * '''Cowards do not count in battle; they are there, but not in it.''' ** ''Meleager'' frag. 523 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * A woman should be good for everything at home, but abroad good for nothing. ** ''Meleager'', frag. 525 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Silver and gold are not the only coin; virtue too passes current all over the world. ** ''Œdipus'', frag. 546 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Every man is like the company he is wont to keep. ** ''Phœnix'', frag. 812<!--or: 809--> (''Bartlett's'', 1892)<!--Unsourced variant: "He is like the very men whose company he enjoys."--> * Ὦ φιλόζωοι βροτοὶ,<br/>οἱ τὴν ἐπιστείχουσαν ἡμέραν ἰδεῖν<br/>οὕτως ἔρως βροτοῖσιν ἐγκεῖται βίου ** O ye life-loving mortals,<br/>Who ever long to see the coming day,<br/>Though ye be weighed down with a thousand sorrows!<br/>So strong the yearning of mankind for life. ** ''Phœnix'', frag. 12 (''Harbottle's'', 1897<!--T. B. Harbottle, [https://archive.org/stream/dictionaryquota04harbgoog#page/n556/mode/2up ''Dictionary of Quotations (Classical)''] (London: Swan Sonnenschein & Co., Ltd., 1897) p. 538-->) * Who knows but life be that which men call death,<br>And death what men call life? ** ''Phrixus'', fragment 830 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) **: Who knows if that be life which we call death,<br>And life be dying? (tr. J. A. Symonds, 1879)<!--''Studies of the Greek Poets'', 2nd ser. (2nd ed., 1879) p. 291 note--> * Whoso neglects learning in his youth, loses the past and is dead for the future. ** ''Phrixus'', frag. 927 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * The gods visit the sins of the fathers upon the children. ** ''Phrixus'', frag. 970 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Πᾶσιν γὰρ εὖ φρονοῦσι συμμαχεῖ τύχη. ** '''For chance fights ever on the side of the prudent.''' ** ''Pirithous'', adapted (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--p. 477-->) * "Η τοῖσιν εὐφρονοῦσι συμμαχεῖ τύχη. ** Fortune truly helps those who are of good judgement. ** ''Pirithous'' (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--p. 781 note-->) * Where two discourse, if the one's anger rise, <br> The man who lets the contest fall is wise. ** ''Protesilaus'', frag. 656, in Plutarch, ''Moralia'', "De liberis educandis" (tr. Several Hands, 1684) * '''When good men die their goodness does not perish, <br> But lives though they are gone.''' As for the bad, <br> All that was theirs dies and is buried with them. ** ''Temenidæ'', frag. 734 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * ἡ γὰρ σιωπὴ τοῖς σοφοῖσ<br>ἀπόκρισις. ** Silence is an answer in the eyes of the wise. ** Unidentified play, [[Talk:Euripides#Source Information for "Silence is true wisdom's best reply."|frag. 977]] (tr. Christopher Collard and Martin Cropp, [[w:LoeB Classical Library|L504]])<!--cf. [[Honoré Gabriel Riqueti, comte de Mirabeau#Attributed|Mirabeau]]--> **: For silence is true wisdom's best reply. (tr. R. B. Appleton, 1927)<!--''Euripides the Idealist'' (London: J. M. Dent, 1927), p. 194--> {{Disputed begin}} == Disputed == * Σοφὸς ἦν τις, ὃς τὸ θεῖον εἰσηγήσατο. ** '''I maintain, <br> Some shrewd man first, a man in counsel wise,<br>Discovered unto men the fear of Gods,<br>Thereby to frighten sinners should they sin <br>E'en secretly in deed, or word, or thought.''' ** [[w:Sisyphus fragment|Sisyphus fragment]], in [[Sextus Empiricus]], ''Against the Physicists'', bk. 1 sec. 54 (tr. R. G. Bury, [[w:Loeb Classical Library|L311]])<!--Revised by J. Garrett: "I think, / Some shrewd man first, a man in judgment wise, / Found for mortals the fear of gods, / Thereby to frighten the wicked should they / Even act or speak or scheme in secret."--> **: He was a wise man who originated the idea of God. (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--p. 478-->) * Most cunning doctrine did he introduce,<br>The truth concealing under speech untrue.<br>The place he spoke of as the God's abode<br>Was that whereby he could affright men most,—<br>The place from which, he knew, both terrors came<br>And easements unto men of toilsome life—<br>To wit the vault above, wherein do dwell<br>The lightnings, he beheld, and awesome claps<br>Of thunder, and the starry face of heaven,<br>Fair-spangled by that cunning craftsman Time,—<br>Whence, too, the meteor's glowing mass doth speed<br>And liquid rain descends upon the earth. ** Sisyphus fragment (tr. R. G. Bury, L311)<!--Revised by J. Garrett: The sweetest teaching did he introduce, / Concealing truth under untrue speech. / The place he spoke of as the gods' abode<br>Was that by which he might awe humans most, — / The place from which, he knew, terrors came to mortals / And things advantageous in their wearisome life — / The revolving heaven above, in which dwell / The lightnings, and awesome claps / Of thunder, and the starry face of heaven, / Beautiful and intricate by that wise craftsman Time, — / From which, too, the meteor's glowing mass speeds / And wet thunderstorm pours forth upon the earth.--> * I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right. ** Supposedly in ''The Suppliants'' [https://archive.org/search?query=%22shall+find+scholars+later+to+demonstrate%22&sin=TXT&sort=date] ** Also attributed to [[Frederick the Great]] of Prussia {{Disputed end}} {{Misattributed begin}} == Misattributed == * Account no man happy till he dies. ** [[Sophocles]], ''Oedipus Rex'' l. 1529 ** Cf. [[Herodotus]], bk. 1 ch. 32: But refrain from calling him fortunate before he dies; call him lucky. (tr. A. D. Godley, 1920) * Circumstances rule men and not men circumstances. ** [[Herodotus]], Book 7, Ch. 49; Misattributed to Euripedes in "The Imperial Four" by Professor Creasy in ''Bentley's Miscellany'' Vol. 33 (January 1853), p. 22 ** Variant translation: Circumstances rule men; men do not rule circumstances. * Those whom the gods wish to destroy they first make mad. ** Anonymous ancient proverb, wrongly attributed to Euripides. The version here is quoted as a "heathen proverb" in ''Daniel, a Model for Young Men'' (1854) by William Anderson Scott. The origin of the misattribution to Euripides is unknown. Several variants are quoted in ancient texts, as follows. ** Variants and derived paraphrases: *** For cunningly of old <br>was the celebrated saying revealed: <br>evil sometimes seems good <br>to a man whose mind <br>a god leads to destruction. **** Sophocles, ''Antigone'' 620-3, a play pre-dating any of Euripides' surviving plays. An ancient commentary explains the passage as a paraphrase of the following, from another, earlier poet. *** When a god plans harm against a man, <br> he first damages the mind of the man he is plotting against. **** Quoted in the ''scholia vetera'' to Sophocles' ''Antigone'' 620ff., without attribution. The meter (iambic trimeter) suggests that the source of the quotation is a tragic play. *** For whenever the anger of divine spirits harms someone, <br>it first does this: it steals away his mind <br>and good sense, and turns his thought to foolishness,''' <br>so that he should know nothing of his mistakes. **** Attributed to "some of the old poets" by [[w:Lycurgus of Athens|Lycurgus of Athens]] in his ''Oratio In Leocratem'' [''Oration Against Leocrates''], section 92. Again, the meter suggests that the source is a tragic play. These lines are misattributed to the much earlier semi-mythical statesman [[w:Lycurgus of Sparta|Lycurgus of Sparta]] in a footnote of recent editions of ''[[w:Bartlett's Familiar Quotations|Bartlett's Familiar Quotations]]'' and other works. *** The gods do nothing until they have blinded the minds of the wicked. **** Variant in ''''Dictionary of Quotations (Classical)'' (1906), compiled by Thomas Benfield Harbottle, p. 433. *** Whom Fortune wishes to destroy she first makes mad.''' **** [[Publilius Syrus]], Maxim 911 *** The devil when he purports any evil against man, first perverts his mind. **** As quoted by [[w:Athenagoras of Athens|Athenagoras of Athens]] in ''Legatio Pro Christianis''. *** ''quem Iuppiter vult perdere, dementat prius.'' **** "Whom Jupiter wishes to destroy, he first sends mad"; neo-Latin version. Similar wording is found in [[w:James Duport|James Duport]]'s ''Homeri Gnomologia'' (1660), p. 234. "A maxim of obscure origin which may have been invented in Cambridge about 1640" -- Taylor, ''The Proverb'' (1931). Probably a variant of the line "He whom the gods love dies young", derived from [[Menander]]'s play ''The Double Deceiver'' via [[Plautus]] (''Bacchides'' 816-7). *** ''quem'' (or ''quos'') ''Deus perdere vult, dementat prius.'' **** Whom God wishes to destroy, he first sends mad. *** '''Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad.''' **** This variant is spoken by [[w:Prometheus|Prometheus]], in ''The Masque of Pandora'' (1875) by [[Henry Wadsworth Longfellow]] *** Those whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad. **** As quoted in ''George Fox Interpreted: The Religion, Revelations, Motives and Mission of George Fox'' (1881) by Thomas Ellwood Longshore, p. 154 *** Those whom God wishes to destroy, he first makes mad. **** As quoted in ''[[w:Bartlett's Familiar Quotations|Bartlett's Familiar Quotations]]'' 16th edition (1992) *** Nor do the gods appear in warrior's armour clad <br> To strike them down with sword and spear <br> Those whom they would destroy <br> They first make mad. **** Bhartṛhari, 7th c. AD; as quoted in John Brough, ''Poems from the Sanskrit'', (1968), p, 67 *** ''vināśakāle viparītabuddhiḥ'' **** Sanskrit Saying (also in ''Jatak katha''): "When a man is to be destroyed, his intelligence becomes self-destructive." ** Modern derivatives: The proverb's meaning is changed in many English versions from the 20th and 21st centuries that start with the proverb's first half (through "they") and then end with a phrase that replaces "first make mad" or "make mad." Such versions can be found at Internet search engines by using either of the two keyword phrases that are on Page 2 and Page 4 of the webpage "[http://www.bu.edu/av/celop2/not_ESL/pick_any_wrong_card.pdf Pick any Wrong Card]." The rest of that webpage is frameworks that induce a reader to compose new variations on this proverb. {{Misattributed end}} == Quotes about Euripides == * [[Sophocles]] said that he drew men as they ought to be; Euripides, as they are. ** [[Aristotle]], ''Poetics'', ch. 25 (trans. S. H. Butcher) * I could not bear Euripides at college. I now read my recantation. He has faults undoubtedly. But what a poet! The [[w:Medea (play)|Medea]], the [[w:Alcestis (play)|Alcestis]], the [[w:The Trojan Women|Troades]], the [[w:The Bacchae|Bacchæ]], are alone sufficient to place him in the very first rank. ** [[Thomas Babington Macaulay]] to Thomas Flower Ellis (8 February 1835), quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 431 * The [[w:Orestes (play)|Orestes]] is one of the very finest plays in the Greek language. Among those of Euripides, I should place it next to the Medea and the Bacchæ. It has some very real faults; but it possesses that strong human interest which neither [[Aeschylus|Æschylus]] nor [[Sophocles]],—poets in many respects far superior to Euripides,—ever gave to their dramas. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 474 * The Bacchæ is a most glorious play. I doubt whether it be not superior to the Medea. It is often very obscure; and I am not sure that I fully understand its general scope. But, as a piece of language, it is hardly equalled in the world. And, whether it was intended to encourage or to discourage fanaticism, the picture of fanatical excitement which it exhibits has never been rivalled. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), pp. 474-475 == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{Commonscat|Euripides}} {{wikisource author|Euripides}} * {{gutenberg author| id=Euripides | name=Euripides}} * [http://www.fordham.edu/halsall/ancient/eb11-euripides.html Article in ''Encyclopaedia Britannica'' (11th edition) at Fordham University] * [http://www.perseus.tufts.edu/cgi-bin/vor?x=0&y=0&lookup=Euripides Euripides-related materials at the Perseus Digital Library] * [http://www.theatrehistory.com/ancient/euripides001.html "Euripedes and His Tragedies" at TheatreHistory.com] * [http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0262381/ IMDBs List of movies based on Euripides plays] * [https://www.ellopos.net/elpenor/greek-texts/ancient-greece/euripides.asp Euripides Resources] {{DEFAULTSORT:Euripides}} [[Category:Poets from Greece]] [[Category:Playwrights from Greece]] [[Category:BCE births]] [[Category:BCE deaths]] [[Category:People from Athens]] mrrc4rggy6sbi9c9pybf0p4pd3wqsig 3778928 3778925 2025-07-14T23:03:48Z Ficaia 3085955 /* Fragments */ 3778928 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Euripides Pio-Clementino Inv302.jpg|thumb|right|In case of dissension, never dare to judge till you've heard the other side.]] '''[[w:Euripides|Euripides]]''' (Greek: Εὐριπίδης; c. [[480 BC]]–[[406 BC]]) was a [[:Category:Authors|Greek playwright]]. == Quotes == * ἁγὼ οὔτινι θύω πλὴν ἐμοὶ, θεοῖσι δ᾽ οὔ, <br/> καὶ τῇ μεγίστῃ γαστρὶ τῇδε δαιμόνων. ** I sacrifice to no god save myself — <br/> And to my belly, greatest of deities. ** [[w:Cyclops (play)|''Cyclops'']] (''c''. 424-23 BC) l. 334 (ed. Burton Stevenson, 1948<!--''The Home Book of Proverbs, Maxims and Familiar Phrases'' (New York: Macmillan Co., 1948) p. 165-->) **: To what other God but to myself <br/> And this great belly, first of deities, <br/> Should I be bound to sacrifice? <br/> (tr. [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|P. B. Shelley]], wr. 1819; pub. 1824) * I care for riches, to make gifts <br> To friends, or lead a sick man back to health<br> With ease and plenty. Else small aid is wealth <br> For daily gladness; once a man be done <br> With hunger, rich and poor are all as one. ** [[w:Electra (Euripides play)|''Electra'']] (413 BC) l. ? (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1906)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed. 1968--> * On behalf of all those dead<br>who learned their hatred of women long ago,<br>for those who hate them now, for those unborn<br>who shall live to hate them yet, I now declare<br>my firm conviction: neither earth nor ocean<br>produces a creature as savage and monstrous<br>as woman. ** [[w:Hecuba (play)|''Hecuba'']] (424 BC), ll. 1177-1182 (tr. William Arrowsmith, 1956<!--'''Euripides III'' (University of Chicago Press, 1956)-->) **: Let me tell you, if anyone in the past has spoken<br>ill of women, or speaks so now or will speak so<br>in the future, I’ll sum it up for him: Neither sea<br>nor land has ever produced a more monstrous<br>creature than woman.<br>(tr. Jay Kardan and Laura-Gray Street, 2011, in ''Didaskalia'', [https://didaskalia.net/issues/8/32/ vol. 8 no. 32]) * λόγος γάρ ἐστιν οὐκ ἐμός, σοφὸν δ᾽ ἔπος,<br>δεινῆς ἀνάγκης οὐδὲν ἰσχύειν πλέον. ** '''Nothing has more strength than dire necessity.''' ** [[w:Helen (play)|''Helen'']] (412 BC), l. 510 (tr. Richmond Lattimore, 1956), quoting "a saying" * Man's most valuable trait<br>is a judicious sense of what not to believe. ** ''Helen'', ll. 1617-1618 (tr. Richmond Lattimore, 1956) **: There is naught more serviceable to mankind than a prudent distrust. (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891)<!--''The Plays of Euripides'' (London: George Bell & Sons, 1891), 2 vols.--><!--Unsourced: "Nothing is more useful to mankind than a prudent distrust."--> * Who can decide a plea or judge a speech until he has heard plainly from both sides? ** [[w:Children of Heracles|''Heraclidæ'']] (''c''. 428 BC), [https://www.perseus.tufts.edu/hopper/text?doc=Perseus%3Atext%3A1999.01.0104%3Acard%3D134 ll. 179-180] (tr. David Kovacs), quoted by [[Aristophanes]] in ''The Wasps'' **: In case of dissension, never dare to judge till you've heard the other side. (''Forbes'', vol. 86 no. 10 (15 Nov. 1960) p. 70) * '''Leave no stone unturned.''' ** ''Heraclidæ'' (''c''. 428 BC), l. 1002 (''Bartlett's'', 1892)<!--cf. [[Samuel Butler (poet)|Butler]], ''Hudibras''--> * '''Ares hates those who hesitate.''' ** ''Heraclidæ'' (''c''. 428 BC), l. 722 (ed. H. L. Mencken, 1942, '60)<!--H. L. Mencken, ''A New Dictionary of Quotations on Historical Principles'' (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1942; 1960)--> **: Ares hates the sluggard most of all. (tr. David Kovacs) * Yet do I hold that mortal foolish who strives against the stress of necessity. ** [[w:Herakles (Euripides)|''Hercules Furens'']], l. 281 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * O lady, nobility is thine, and thy form is the reflection of thy nature! ** [[w:Ion (play)|''Ion'']]<!--"Gon."--> (''c''. 421-408 BC) l. 238 (tr. E. F. Burr, 1880)<!--''Dio, the Athenian; or, From Olympus to Calvary'' (New York: Phillips & Hunt, 1880, ch. 17 epigraph (p. 385); also in J. K. Hoyt and Anna L. Ward, ''The Cyclopædia of Practical Quotations'' (New York: I. K. Funk & Co., 1882), p. 290--> * Authority is never without hate. ** ''Ion'' (c. 421-408 BC) l. ? (tr. Ronald F. Willetts, 1958) * Thou didst bring me forth for all the Greeks in common, not for thyself alone. ** [[w:Iphigenia in Aulis|''Iphigenia in Aulis'']], l. 1386 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * '''A coward turns away, but a brave man's choice is danger.''' ** [[w:Iphigenia in Tauris|''Iphigenia in Tauris'']] (''c''. 412 BC) l. 114 (tr. Richmond Lattimore, 1956) * '''There is in the worst of fortune the best of chances for a happy change.''' ** ''Iphigenia in Tauris'' (''c''. 412 BC) l. 721 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * '''Slight not what's near through aiming at what's far.''' ** [[w:Rhesus (play)|''Rhesus'']] (''c''. 435 BC) l. 482 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * '''For naught is there more sweet unto an aged sire than a daughter's love.''' ** [[w:The Suppliants (Euripides)|''The Suppliants'']] (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891)<!--Unsourced: '''For nothing is there more sweet unto an aged father than a daughter'''--> * Naught is more hostile to a city than a despot; where he is, there are in the first place no laws common to all, but one man is tyrant, in whose keeping and in his alone the law resides, and in that case equality is at an end. ** ''The Suppliants'' (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891) * '''Helen''': What happened in my heart, to make me leave my home<br />And my own land, to follow where a stranger led?<br />Rail at the goddess; be more resolute than Zeus,<br />Who holds power over all other divinities<br />But is himself the slave of love. Show Aphrodite<br />Your indignation; me, pardon and sympathy.<br />'''Hecabe''': No; Paris was an extremely handsome man – one look,<br />And your appetite became your Aphrodite. Why,<br />Men's lawless lusts are all called love – it's a confusion<br />Easily made. ** ''[[w:The Trojan Women|Troades]]'' (c. 415 BC), ll. 946–950 and 987–990 (tr. Philip Vellacott, 1954) === ''[[w:Alcestis|Alcestis]]'' (438 BC) === * Never say that marriage has more of joy than pain. ** l. 238 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1960) * A second wife <br> is hateful to the children of the first, <br> a viper is not more hateful. ** l. 309 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) * '''Oh, if I had [[w:Orpheus|Orpheus]]' voice and poetry <br>with which to move the Dark Maid and her Lord, <br>I'd call you back, dear love, from the world below.''' <br>I'd go down there for you. Charôn or the grim <br>King's dog could not prevent me then <br>from carrying you up into the fields of light. ** l. 358 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) * Κούφα σοι χθὼν ἐπάνωθε πέσοι. ** Light be the earth upon you, lightly rest. ** l. 462 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960)<!--Thus petitions the Chorus over the dead body of the heroine, untimely rapt away. Cf. [[Martial]], 9, 30, 11: ''Sit tibi terra levis'' (abbrev. ''S.T.T.L.'')—"May earth lie light upon thee." Common funeral inscription. [[Ovid]], in the same spirit, prays for the repose of [[Tibullus]], ''Amores, 3, 9, 67), ''Ossa quieta precor tuta requiescite in urna, / Et sit humus cineri non onerosa tuo.''—"Inurned in peace, may thy bones rest, I pray; / And on thy ashes earth no burden lay." —''Classical and Foreign Quotations'' (1904) no. 2578--> * Old men's prayers for death are lying prayers, in which they abuse old age and long extent of life. But when death draws near, not one is willing to die, and age no longer is a burden to them. ** l. 669 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Dishonour will not trouble me, once I am dead. ** l. 726 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) * No one can confidently say that he will still be living tomorrow. ** ll. 783-4 (tr. Robert and Mary Collison, 1980)<!--''Dictionary of Foreign Quotations'' (New York: Facts on File, 1980) p. 114--> * Today's today. Tomorrow we may be<br>Ourselves gone down the drain of Eternity. ** l. 788 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) * '''I have found power in the mysteries of thought, <br> Exaltation in the changing of the Muses; <br> I have been versed in the reasonings of men; <br> But Fate is stronger than anything I have known.''' ** l. 962 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) * Time cancels young pain. ** l. 1085 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) === ''[[w:Medea (play)|Medea]]'' (431 BC) === * Of all things upon earth that bleed and grow,<br />'''A herb most bruised is [[woman]].''' ** Lines 230–231 (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1912) * The fountains of sacred rivers flow upwards. ** Line 409 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--p. 468-->) * The gifts of a bad man bring no good with them. ** Line 618 (''Bartlett's'', 1892)<!--Other translations: (1) ''The Hecuba, Orestes, Phœnician Virgins, and Medea, of Euripides; Literally Translated into English Prose, from the Text of Porson'' (Oxford: for D. A. Talboys, 1820), p. 214: "For the gifts of a bad man bring no assistance." (2) T. W. C. Edwards, ''The Medea, Literally Translated into English Prose, from the Text of Porson'' (London: Simpkin, Marshall, and Co., 1840: "For the gifts of a bad man have no avail."--> * Moderation, the noblest gift of Heaven. ** Line 636 (tr. [[Georgiana Chatterton]], 1863)<!--''The Heiress and Her Lovers'' (London: Richard Bentley, 1863), vol. 2 (front matter); cited in ''Bartlett's'', 1892--> * Of troubles none is greater than to be robbed of one’s native land. ** Line 653 (tr. David Kovacs) **: For nothing is like the sorrow or supersedes the sadness of losing your native land. (tr. [[w:Paul Roche|Paul Roche]], 1974) * πείθειν δῶρα καὶ θεοὺς λόγος ** It is said that gifts persuade even the gods. ** Line 964 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--W. Gurney Benham, ''A Book of Quotations'' (1907), p. 470-->)<!--also in ''Hoyt's'' (1922), p. 311--> * I know, indeed, the evil of that I purpose; but my inclination gets the better of my judgment. ** Line 1078 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * χαλεπὰ γὰρ βροτοῖς ὁμογενῆ μιά-<br>σματ᾽, ἕπεται δ᾽ ἅμ᾽ αὐτοφόνταις ξυνῳ-<br>δὰ θεόθεν πίτνοντ᾽ ἐπὶ δόμοις ἄχη. ** Grievous for mortals is the stain of kindred blood. For the murderers are dogged by woes harmonious with their deeds, sent by the gods upon their houses. ** Lines 1268-1270 (tr. David Kovacs) === ''[[w:Hippolytus (play)|Hippolytus]]'' (428 BC) === [[File:Death Hippolytus Lemoyne Louvre MR2026.jpg|thumb|right|There is one thing alone that stands the brunt of life throughout its course: a quiet conscience.]] * μόνον δὲ τοῦτό φασ᾽ ἁμιλλᾶσθαι βίῳ,<br>γνώμην δικαίαν κἀγαθήν ὅτῳ παρῇ ** Only one thing, they say, competes in value with life, the possession of a heart blameless and good. ** ll. 426-427 (tr. David Kovacs) * In this world second thoughts, it seems, are best. ** l. 435<!--or: 438--> (tr. [[w:David Grene|David Grene]], 1942<!--''Three Greek Tragedies in Translation'' (University of Chicago Press, 1942), p. 188-->) **: Among mortals second thoughts are the wisest. (tr. [[w:Theodore Alois Buckley|T. A. W. Buckley]], 1850<!--''The Tragedies of Euripides (Henry G. Bohn, 1850), 2 vols.-->) <br> Second thoughts are ever wiser. (''Bartlett's'', 1892) <br> Among mortals second thoughts are wisest. (''Hoyt's'', 1882<!--p. 419-->) * ἡ γλῶσσ᾽ ὀμώμοχ᾽, ἡ δὲ φρὴν ἀνώμοτος ** 'Twas but my tongue, 'twas not my soul that swore. ** l. 612 (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1902) **: My tongue swore, but my mind was still unpledged. (tr. David Grene, 1942) * '''The credit we get for wisdom is measured by our success.''' ** l. 701 (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891) === ''[[w:Orestes (play)|Orestes]]'' (408 BC) === [[File:Orestes Pursued by the Furies by William-Adolphe Bouguereau (1862) - Google Art Project.jpg |thumb|right|''The Remorse of Orestes'' by William-Adolphe Bouguereau]] * '''Love is all we have, the only way that each can help the other.''' ** l. 298 (tr. [[w:William Arrowsmith|William Arrowsmith]], 1958<!--''Euripides IV'' (University of Chicago Press, 1958)-->) * Ὅταν γὰρ ἡδὺς τοῖς λόγοις, φρονῶν κακῶς <br> πείθῃ τὸ πλῆθος, τῇ πόλει κακὸν μέγα. ** When one with honeyed words but evil mind<br> Persuades the mob, great woes befall the state. ** l. 907 (''Harbottle's'', 1897<!--p. 447-->) === ''[[w:The Phoenician Women|The Phoenician Women]]''<!--c. 411-409 BC?--> === * ἓν μὲν μέγιστον, οὐκ ἔχει παρρησίαν. * [T]his is slavery, not to speak one’s thought. ** Line 392, Jocasta (tr. Elizabeth Wyckoff, 1958<!--''Euripides IV'' (University of Chicago Press, 1958) p. 472-->) **: Who dares not speak his free thoughts is a slave. (tr. [[w:Robert Potter (translator)|R. Potter]], 1823<!--''The Tragedies of Euripides'' (Oxford: W. Baxter, 1823), 2 vols.-->) * ἁπλοῦς ὁ μῦθος τῆς ἀληθείας ἔφυ, <br> κοὐ ποικίλων δεῖ τἄνδιχ᾽ ἑρμηνευμάτων ** The words of truth are simple, and justice needs no subtle interpretations, for it hath a fitness in itself. ** Lines 469–470 (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891<!--Revised by George Panagiotou: "The words of truth are naturally simple, and justice needs no subtle interpretations, for it has a fitness in itself."-->) === ''[[w:The Bacchae|The Bacchae]]'' (405 BC) === [[File:Euripides altes Museum.jpg|thumb|right|Humility, a sense of reverence before the sons of heaven — of all the prizes that a mortal man might win, these, I say, are wisest; these are best.]] * But cleverness is not wisdom, nor is the thinking on things unfit for mortals. ** Line 395 (tr. [[w:Theodore Alois Buckley|T. A. W. Buckley]], 1850)<!--Unsourced: "Cleverness is not wisdom. And not to think mortal thoughts is to see few days."--> * '''Dionysus''': He who believes needs no explanation.<br /> '''Pentheus''': What's the worth in believing worthless things? <br />'''Dionysus''': Much worth, but not worth telling you, it seems. ** Line 472 (tr. [[w:Colin Teevan|Colin Teevan]], 2002) * '''Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.''' ** Lines 479-480 (tr. William Arrowsmith, 1958) **: To the fool, he who speaks wisdom will sound foolish. (''Bartlett's'', 13th ed. 1955) **: He were a fool, methinks, who would utter wisdom to a fool. (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891) **: Wise words being brought to blinded eyes will seem as things of nought. (tr. [[Gilbert Murray]], 1902) * '''Slow but sure moves the might of the gods.''' ** Line 882 (''Bartlett's'', 14th ed. 1968) **: Slowly but surely withal moveth the might of the gods. (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed. 1892) * χρηστοῖσι δούλοις συμφορὰ τὰ δεσποτῶν. ** The misfortunes of their masters are a concern to good servants. ** Line 1028 (tr. [[w:Theodore Alois Buckley|T. A. W. Buckley]], 1850)<!--Unsourced translation: "Good slaves [are affected by] the adversities of their masters."--> note: the original sentence does not contain any verb * '''Humility, a sense of reverence before the sons of heaven — of all the prizes that a mortal man might win, these, I say, are wisest; these are best.''' ** Line 1150 (tr. William Arrowsmith, 1958) === Fragments === * '''The company of just and righteous men is better than wealth and a rich estate.''' ** ''Ægeus'', frag. 7 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed. 1892) * κακὸν γυναῖκα πρὸς νέαν ζεῦξαι νέον· <br> μακρὰ γὰρ ἰσχὺς μᾶλλον ἀρσένων μένει, <br> θήλεια δ' ἥβη θᾶσσον ἐκλείπει δέμας. ** To mate a youth with a young wife is ill; <br> Seeing a man's strength lasteth, while the bloom <br> Of beauty quickly leaves a woman's form. ** ''Æolus'', frag. 22 (tr. J. A. Symonds, 1879<!--''Studies of the Greek Poets'', 2nd ser. (2nd ed. 1879) p. 289 note-->) * A bad beginning makes a bad ending. ** ''Æolus'', frag. 32 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * '''Time will explain it all.''' He is a talker, and needs no questioning before he speaks. ** ''Æolus'', frag. 38 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Φεῦ φεῦ, παλαιὸς αἶνος ὡς καλῶς ἔχει· <br> γέροντες οὐδέν ἐσμεν ἄλλο πλὴν ψόφος <br> καὶ σχῆμ', ὀνείρων δ᾽ ἕρπομεν μιμήματα· <br> νοῦς δ᾽ οὐκ ἔνεστιν, οἰόμεσθα δ᾽ εὐ φρονεῖν. ** Alas, how right the ancient saying is: <br> We, who are old, are nothing else but noise <br> And shape. Like mimicries of dreams we go, <br> And have no wits, although we think us wise. ** ''Æolus'', frag. (tr. [[Maurice Bowra|C. M. Bowra]], 1938<!--''Oxford Book of Greek Verse in Translation'' (1938) no. 389-->)<!--Greek: ''Tragicorum Graecorum Fragmenta'', ed. A. Nauck, p. 370, no. 2--> * The nobly born must nobly meet his fate. ** ''Alcmene'', frag. 100 (''Bartlett's'', 1892)<!--''Noblesse oblige''. — Bohn: ''Foreign Proverbs''--> * Waste not fresh tears over old griefs. ** ''Alexander'', frag. 44 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Ἡδύ τοι σωθέντα μεμνῆσθαι πόνων. ** Sweet is the remembrance of troubles when you are in safety. ** ''Andromeda'', frag. 10, 2 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--p. 472-->) * Woman is woman's natural ally. ** ''Alope'', frag. 109 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Man's best possession is a sympathetic wife. ** ''Antigone'', frag. 164 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Ignorance of one's misfortunes is clear gain. ** ''Antiope'', frag. 204 (''Bartlett's'', 1892); cf. [[William Davenant|Davenant]] [[File:Ватикан. Еврипид (Euripide) с актерской маской (ант.статуя) ~1859г 2640.jpg|thumb|right|Events will take their course, it is no good of being angry at them; he is happiest who wisely turns them to the best account.]] * '''Events will take their course, it is no good of being angry at them; he is happiest who wisely turns them to the best account.''' ** [[w:Bellerophon (play)|''Bellerophon'']], frag. 298, in [[Plutarch]], ''Moralia'', "De tranquillitate animi" (tr. [[w:Arthur Richard Shilleto|A. R. Shilleto]], 1888)<!--''Plutarch's Morals: Ethical Essays'' (1888) p. 293--> * Φησίν τις εἶναι δῆτ᾽ ἐν οὐρανῷ θεούς; <br> οὐκ εἰσίν, οὐκ εἴσ᾽, εἴ τις ἀνθρώπων θέλει <br> μὴ τῷ παλαιῷ μῶρος ὢν χρῆσθαι λόγῳ. <br> σκέψασθε δ᾽ αὐτοί, μὴ ἐπὶ τοῖς ἐμοῖς λόγοις <br> γνώμην ἔχοντες. φήμ᾽ ἐγὼ τυραννίδα <br> κτείνειν τε πλείστους κτημάτων τ᾿ ἀποστερεῖν <br> ὅρκους τε παραβαίνοντας ἐκπορθεῖν πόλεις· <br> καὶ ταῦτα δρῶντες μᾶλλόν εἰσ᾽ εὐδαίμονες. <br> τῶν εὐσεβούντων ἡσυχῇ καθ᾽ ἡμέραν. <br> πόλεις τε μικρὰς οἶδα τιμώσας θεούς, <br> αἳ μειζόνων κλύουσι δυσσεβεστέρων <br> λόγχης ἀριθμῷ πλείονος κρατούμεναι. <br> οἶμαι δ᾽ ἂν ὑμᾶς, εἴ τις ἀργὸς ὢν θεοῖς <br> εὔχοιτο καὶ μὴ χειρὶ συλλέγοι βίον, <br> μαθεῖν ἂν ὡς οὐκ εἰσίν. αἱ δ᾽ εὐπραξίαι <br> τὰ θεῖα πυργοῦσ᾽ αἱ κακαί τε συμφοραί. ** '''Doth some one say that there be gods above? <br/>There are not; no, there are not. Let no fool, <br/>Led by the old false fable, thus deceive you.''' <br/>Look at the facts themselves, yielding my words <br/>No undue credence: for I say that kings <br/>Kill, rob, break oaths, lay cities waste by fraud, <br/>And doing thus are happier than those <br/>Who live calm pious lives day after day. <br> How many little States that serve the gods <br> Are subject to the godless but more strong, <br> Made slaves by might of a superior army! <br> And you, if any ceased from work and prayed <br> To gods, nor gathered in his livelihood, <br> Would learn gods are not. All Divinity <br> Is built-up from our good and evil luck. ** ''Bellerophon'', frag. (tr. [[John Addington Symonds|J. A. Symonds]], 1879; rev. [[Maurice Bowra|C. M. Bowra]], 1938<!--First 11 lines by Symonds, ''Studies of the Greek Poets'', 2nd ser. (2nd ed., 1879) p. 294; completed by Bowra, ''OBGVT'' (1938) no. 391-->)<!--Greek: ''TGF'', p. 445, no. 286--> * Toil, says the proverb, is the sire of fame. ** ''Licymnius'', frag. 477 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * A bad ending follows a bad beginning. ** ''Melanippe the Wise'', frag. (tr. E. F. Burr, 1880<!--''Dio, the Athenian'' (1880) ch. 15 (p. 370)-->)<!--Unsourced variant: "A bad beginning makes a bad ending."--> [[File:Seated Euripides Louvre Ma343.jpg|thumb|right|When good men die their goodness does not perish, but lives though they are gone. As for the bad, all that was theirs dies and is buried with them.]] * '''Cowards do not count in battle; they are there, but not in it.''' ** ''Meleager'' frag. 523 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * A woman should be good for everything at home, but abroad good for nothing. ** ''Meleager'', frag. 525 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Silver and gold are not the only coin; virtue too passes current all over the world. ** ''Œdipus'', frag. 546 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Every man is like the company he is wont to keep. ** ''Phœnix'', frag. 812<!--or: 809--> (''Bartlett's'', 1892)<!--Unsourced variant: "He is like the very men whose company he enjoys."--> * Ὦ φιλόζωοι βροτοὶ,<br/>οἱ τὴν ἐπιστείχουσαν ἡμέραν ἰδεῖν<br/>οὕτως ἔρως βροτοῖσιν ἐγκεῖται βίου ** O ye life-loving mortals,<br/>Who ever long to see the coming day,<br/>Though ye be weighed down with a thousand sorrows!<br/>So strong the yearning of mankind for life. ** ''Phœnix'', frag. 12 (''Harbottle's'', 1897<!--T. B. Harbottle, [https://archive.org/stream/dictionaryquota04harbgoog#page/n556/mode/2up ''Dictionary of Quotations (Classical)''] (London: Swan Sonnenschein & Co., Ltd., 1897) p. 538-->) * Who knows but life be that which men call death,<br>And death what men call life? ** ''Phrixus'', fragment 830 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) **: Who knows if that be life which we call death,<br>And life be dying? (tr. J. A. Symonds, 1879)<!--''Studies of the Greek Poets'', 2nd ser. (2nd ed., 1879) p. 291 note--> * Whoso neglects learning in his youth, loses the past and is dead for the future. ** ''Phrixus'', frag. 927 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * The gods visit the sins of the fathers upon the children. ** ''Phrixus'', frag. 970 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Πᾶσιν γὰρ εὖ φρονοῦσι συμμαχεῖ τύχη. ** '''For chance fights ever on the side of the prudent.''' ** ''Pirithous'', adapted (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--p. 477-->) * "Η τοῖσιν εὐφρονοῦσι συμμαχεῖ τύχη. ** Fortune truly helps those who are of good judgement. ** ''Pirithous'' (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--p. 781 note-->) * Where two discourse, if the one's anger rise, <br> The man who lets the contest fall is wise. ** ''Protesilaus'', frag. 656, in Plutarch, ''Moralia'', "De liberis educandis" (tr. Several Hands, 1684) * '''When good men die their goodness does not perish, <br> But lives though they are gone.''' As for the bad, <br> All that was theirs dies and is buried with them. ** ''Temenidæ'', frag. 734 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * ἡ γὰρ σιωπὴ τοῖς σοφοῖσ<br>ἀπόκρισις. ** Silence is an answer in the eyes of the wise. ** Unidentified play, [[Talk:Euripides#Source Information for "Silence is true wisdom's best reply."|frag. 977]] (tr. Christopher Collard and Martin Cropp, [[w:LoeB Classical Library|L504]])<!--cf. [[Honoré Gabriel Riqueti, comte de Mirabeau#Attributed|Mirabeau]]--> **: For silence is true wisdom's best reply. (tr. R. B. Appleton, 1927)<!--''Euripides the Idealist'' (London: J. M. Dent, 1927), p. 194--> {{Disputed begin}} == Disputed == * Σοφὸς ἦν τις, ὃς τὸ θεῖον εἰσηγήσατο. ** '''I maintain, <br> Some shrewd man first, a man in counsel wise,<br>Discovered unto men the fear of Gods,<br>Thereby to frighten sinners should they sin <br>E'en secretly in deed, or word, or thought.''' ** [[w:Sisyphus fragment|Sisyphus fragment]], in [[Sextus Empiricus]], ''Against the Physicists'', bk. 1 sec. 54 (tr. R. G. Bury, [[w:Loeb Classical Library|L311]])<!--Revised by J. Garrett: "I think, / Some shrewd man first, a man in judgment wise, / Found for mortals the fear of gods, / Thereby to frighten the wicked should they / Even act or speak or scheme in secret."--> **: He was a wise man who originated the idea of God. (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--p. 478-->) * Most cunning doctrine did he introduce,<br>The truth concealing under speech untrue.<br>The place he spoke of as the God's abode<br>Was that whereby he could affright men most,—<br>The place from which, he knew, both terrors came<br>And easements unto men of toilsome life—<br>To wit the vault above, wherein do dwell<br>The lightnings, he beheld, and awesome claps<br>Of thunder, and the starry face of heaven,<br>Fair-spangled by that cunning craftsman Time,—<br>Whence, too, the meteor's glowing mass doth speed<br>And liquid rain descends upon the earth. ** Sisyphus fragment (tr. R. G. Bury, L311)<!--Revised by J. Garrett: The sweetest teaching did he introduce, / Concealing truth under untrue speech. / The place he spoke of as the gods' abode<br>Was that by which he might awe humans most, — / The place from which, he knew, terrors came to mortals / And things advantageous in their wearisome life — / The revolving heaven above, in which dwell / The lightnings, and awesome claps / Of thunder, and the starry face of heaven, / Beautiful and intricate by that wise craftsman Time, — / From which, too, the meteor's glowing mass speeds / And wet thunderstorm pours forth upon the earth.--> * I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right. ** Supposedly in ''The Suppliants'' [https://archive.org/search?query=%22shall+find+scholars+later+to+demonstrate%22&sin=TXT&sort=date] ** Also attributed to [[Frederick the Great]] of Prussia {{Disputed end}} {{Misattributed begin}} == Misattributed == * Account no man happy till he dies. ** [[Sophocles]], ''Oedipus Rex'' l. 1529 ** Cf. [[Herodotus]], bk. 1 ch. 32: But refrain from calling him fortunate before he dies; call him lucky. (tr. A. D. Godley, 1920) * Circumstances rule men and not men circumstances. ** [[Herodotus]], Book 7, Ch. 49; Misattributed to Euripedes in "The Imperial Four" by Professor Creasy in ''Bentley's Miscellany'' Vol. 33 (January 1853), p. 22 ** Variant translation: Circumstances rule men; men do not rule circumstances. * Those whom the gods wish to destroy they first make mad. ** Anonymous ancient proverb, wrongly attributed to Euripides. The version here is quoted as a "heathen proverb" in ''Daniel, a Model for Young Men'' (1854) by William Anderson Scott. The origin of the misattribution to Euripides is unknown. Several variants are quoted in ancient texts, as follows. ** Variants and derived paraphrases: *** For cunningly of old <br>was the celebrated saying revealed: <br>evil sometimes seems good <br>to a man whose mind <br>a god leads to destruction. **** Sophocles, ''Antigone'' 620-3, a play pre-dating any of Euripides' surviving plays. An ancient commentary explains the passage as a paraphrase of the following, from another, earlier poet. *** When a god plans harm against a man, <br> he first damages the mind of the man he is plotting against. **** Quoted in the ''scholia vetera'' to Sophocles' ''Antigone'' 620ff., without attribution. The meter (iambic trimeter) suggests that the source of the quotation is a tragic play. *** For whenever the anger of divine spirits harms someone, <br>it first does this: it steals away his mind <br>and good sense, and turns his thought to foolishness,''' <br>so that he should know nothing of his mistakes. **** Attributed to "some of the old poets" by [[w:Lycurgus of Athens|Lycurgus of Athens]] in his ''Oratio In Leocratem'' [''Oration Against Leocrates''], section 92. Again, the meter suggests that the source is a tragic play. These lines are misattributed to the much earlier semi-mythical statesman [[w:Lycurgus of Sparta|Lycurgus of Sparta]] in a footnote of recent editions of ''[[w:Bartlett's Familiar Quotations|Bartlett's Familiar Quotations]]'' and other works. *** The gods do nothing until they have blinded the minds of the wicked. **** Variant in ''''Dictionary of Quotations (Classical)'' (1906), compiled by Thomas Benfield Harbottle, p. 433. *** Whom Fortune wishes to destroy she first makes mad.''' **** [[Publilius Syrus]], Maxim 911 *** The devil when he purports any evil against man, first perverts his mind. **** As quoted by [[w:Athenagoras of Athens|Athenagoras of Athens]] in ''Legatio Pro Christianis''. *** ''quem Iuppiter vult perdere, dementat prius.'' **** "Whom Jupiter wishes to destroy, he first sends mad"; neo-Latin version. Similar wording is found in [[w:James Duport|James Duport]]'s ''Homeri Gnomologia'' (1660), p. 234. "A maxim of obscure origin which may have been invented in Cambridge about 1640" -- Taylor, ''The Proverb'' (1931). Probably a variant of the line "He whom the gods love dies young", derived from [[Menander]]'s play ''The Double Deceiver'' via [[Plautus]] (''Bacchides'' 816-7). *** ''quem'' (or ''quos'') ''Deus perdere vult, dementat prius.'' **** Whom God wishes to destroy, he first sends mad. *** '''Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad.''' **** This variant is spoken by [[w:Prometheus|Prometheus]], in ''The Masque of Pandora'' (1875) by [[Henry Wadsworth Longfellow]] *** Those whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad. **** As quoted in ''George Fox Interpreted: The Religion, Revelations, Motives and Mission of George Fox'' (1881) by Thomas Ellwood Longshore, p. 154 *** Those whom God wishes to destroy, he first makes mad. **** As quoted in ''[[w:Bartlett's Familiar Quotations|Bartlett's Familiar Quotations]]'' 16th edition (1992) *** Nor do the gods appear in warrior's armour clad <br> To strike them down with sword and spear <br> Those whom they would destroy <br> They first make mad. **** Bhartṛhari, 7th c. AD; as quoted in John Brough, ''Poems from the Sanskrit'', (1968), p, 67 *** ''vināśakāle viparītabuddhiḥ'' **** Sanskrit Saying (also in ''Jatak katha''): "When a man is to be destroyed, his intelligence becomes self-destructive." ** Modern derivatives: The proverb's meaning is changed in many English versions from the 20th and 21st centuries that start with the proverb's first half (through "they") and then end with a phrase that replaces "first make mad" or "make mad." Such versions can be found at Internet search engines by using either of the two keyword phrases that are on Page 2 and Page 4 of the webpage "[http://www.bu.edu/av/celop2/not_ESL/pick_any_wrong_card.pdf Pick any Wrong Card]." The rest of that webpage is frameworks that induce a reader to compose new variations on this proverb. {{Misattributed end}} == Quotes about Euripides == * [[Sophocles]] said that he drew men as they ought to be; Euripides, as they are. ** [[Aristotle]], ''Poetics'', ch. 25 (trans. S. H. Butcher) * I could not bear Euripides at college. I now read my recantation. He has faults undoubtedly. But what a poet! The [[w:Medea (play)|Medea]], the [[w:Alcestis (play)|Alcestis]], the [[w:The Trojan Women|Troades]], the [[w:The Bacchae|Bacchæ]], are alone sufficient to place him in the very first rank. ** [[Thomas Babington Macaulay]] to Thomas Flower Ellis (8 February 1835), quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 431 * The [[w:Orestes (play)|Orestes]] is one of the very finest plays in the Greek language. Among those of Euripides, I should place it next to the Medea and the Bacchæ. It has some very real faults; but it possesses that strong human interest which neither [[Aeschylus|Æschylus]] nor [[Sophocles]],—poets in many respects far superior to Euripides,—ever gave to their dramas. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 474 * The Bacchæ is a most glorious play. I doubt whether it be not superior to the Medea. It is often very obscure; and I am not sure that I fully understand its general scope. But, as a piece of language, it is hardly equalled in the world. And, whether it was intended to encourage or to discourage fanaticism, the picture of fanatical excitement which it exhibits has never been rivalled. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), pp. 474-475 == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{Commonscat|Euripides}} {{wikisource author|Euripides}} * {{gutenberg author| id=Euripides | name=Euripides}} * [http://www.fordham.edu/halsall/ancient/eb11-euripides.html Article in ''Encyclopaedia Britannica'' (11th edition) at Fordham University] * [http://www.perseus.tufts.edu/cgi-bin/vor?x=0&y=0&lookup=Euripides Euripides-related materials at the Perseus Digital Library] * [http://www.theatrehistory.com/ancient/euripides001.html "Euripedes and His Tragedies" at TheatreHistory.com] * [http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0262381/ IMDBs List of movies based on Euripides plays] * [https://www.ellopos.net/elpenor/greek-texts/ancient-greece/euripides.asp Euripides Resources] {{DEFAULTSORT:Euripides}} [[Category:Poets from Greece]] [[Category:Playwrights from Greece]] [[Category:BCE births]] [[Category:BCE deaths]] [[Category:People from Athens]] i4qcclqwhcr5h7qus6mvvtik4gmvpey 3778934 3778928 2025-07-15T00:12:42Z Ficaia 3085955 3778934 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Euripides Pio-Clementino Inv302.jpg|thumb|right|In case of dissension, never dare to judge till you've heard the other side.]] '''[[w:Euripides|Euripides]]''' (Greek: Εὐριπίδης; c. [[480 BC]]–[[406 BC]]) was a [[:Category:Authors|Greek playwright]]. == Quotes == * ἁγὼ οὔτινι θύω πλὴν ἐμοὶ, θεοῖσι δ᾽ οὔ, <br/> καὶ τῇ μεγίστῃ γαστρὶ τῇδε δαιμόνων. ** I sacrifice to no god save myself — <br/> And to my belly, greatest of deities. ** [[w:Cyclops (play)|''Cyclops'']] (''c''. 424-23 BC) l. 334 (ed. [[w:Burton Egbert Stevenson|B. E. Stevenson]], 1948<!--''The Home Book of Proverbs, Maxims and Familiar Phrases'' (New York: Macmillan Co., 1948) p. 165-->) **: To what other God but to myself <br/> And this great belly, first of deities, <br/> Should I be bound to sacrifice? <br/> (tr. [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|P. B. Shelley]], wr. 1819; pub. 1824) * I care for riches, to make gifts <br> To friends, or lead a sick man back to health<br> With ease and plenty. Else small aid is wealth <br> For daily gladness; once a man be done <br> With hunger, rich and poor are all as one. ** [[w:Electra (Euripides play)|''Electra'']] (413 BC) l. ? (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1906)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed. 1968--> * On behalf of all those dead<br>who learned their hatred of women long ago,<br>for those who hate them now, for those unborn<br>who shall live to hate them yet, I now declare<br>my firm conviction: neither earth nor ocean<br>produces a creature as savage and monstrous<br>as woman. ** [[w:Hecuba (play)|''Hecuba'']] (424 BC), ll. 1177-1182 (tr. William Arrowsmith, 1956<!--'''Euripides III'' (University of Chicago Press, 1956)-->) **: Let me tell you, if anyone in the past has spoken<br>ill of women, or speaks so now or will speak so<br>in the future, I’ll sum it up for him: Neither sea<br>nor land has ever produced a more monstrous<br>creature than woman.<br>(tr. Jay Kardan and Laura-Gray Street, 2011, in ''Didaskalia'', [https://didaskalia.net/issues/8/32/ vol. 8 no. 32]) * λόγος γάρ ἐστιν οὐκ ἐμός, σοφὸν δ᾽ ἔπος,<br>δεινῆς ἀνάγκης οὐδὲν ἰσχύειν πλέον. ** '''Nothing has more strength than dire necessity.''' ** [[w:Helen (play)|''Helen'']] (412 BC), l. 510 (tr. Richmond Lattimore, 1956), quoting "a saying" * Man's most valuable trait<br>is a judicious sense of what not to believe. ** ''Helen'', ll. 1617-1618 (tr. Richmond Lattimore, 1956) **: There is naught more serviceable to mankind than a prudent distrust. (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891)<!--''The Plays of Euripides'' (London: George Bell & Sons, 1891), 2 vols.--><!--Unsourced: "Nothing is more useful to mankind than a prudent distrust."--> * Who can decide a plea or judge a speech until he has heard plainly from both sides? ** [[w:Children of Heracles|''Heraclidæ'']] (''c''. 428 BC), [https://www.perseus.tufts.edu/hopper/text?doc=Perseus%3Atext%3A1999.01.0104%3Acard%3D134 ll. 179-180] (tr. David Kovacs), quoted by [[Aristophanes]] in ''The Wasps'' **: In case of dissension, never dare to judge till you've heard the other side. —''Forbes'', vol. 86 no. 10 (15 Nov. 1960) p. 70 * '''Leave no stone unturned.''' ** ''Heraclidæ'' (''c''. 428 BC), l. 1002 (''Bartlett's'', 1892)<!--cf. [[Samuel Butler (poet)|Butler]], ''Hudibras''--> * '''Ares hates those who hesitate.''' ** ''Heraclidæ'' (''c''. 428 BC), l. 722 (ed. H. L. Mencken, 1942, '60)<!--H. L. Mencken, ''A New Dictionary of Quotations on Historical Principles'' (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1942; 1960)--> **: Ares hates the sluggard most of all. (tr. David Kovacs) * Yet do I hold that mortal foolish who strives against the stress of necessity. ** [[w:Herakles (Euripides)|''Hercules Furens'']], l. 281 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * O lady, nobility is thine, and thy form is the reflection of thy nature! ** [[w:Ion (play)|''Ion'']]<!--"Gon."--> (''c''. 421-408 BC) l. 238 (tr. E. F. Burr, 1880)<!--''Dio, the Athenian; or, From Olympus to Calvary'' (New York: Phillips & Hunt, 1880, ch. 17 epigraph (p. 385); also in J. K. Hoyt and Anna L. Ward, ''The Cyclopædia of Practical Quotations'' (New York: I. K. Funk & Co., 1882), p. 290--> * Authority is never without hate. ** ''Ion'' (c. 421-408 BC) l. ? (tr. Ronald F. Willetts, 1958) * Thou didst bring me forth for all the Greeks in common, not for thyself alone. ** [[w:Iphigenia in Aulis|''Iphigenia in Aulis'']], l. 1386 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * '''A coward turns away, but a brave man's choice is danger.''' ** [[w:Iphigenia in Tauris|''Iphigenia in Tauris'']] (''c''. 412 BC) l. 114 (tr. Richmond Lattimore, 1956) * '''There is in the worst of fortune the best of chances for a happy change.''' ** ''Iphigenia in Tauris'' (''c''. 412 BC) l. 721 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * '''Slight not what's near through aiming at what's far.''' ** [[w:Rhesus (play)|''Rhesus'']] (''c''. 435 BC) l. 482 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * '''For naught is there more sweet unto an aged sire than a daughter's love.''' ** [[w:The Suppliants (Euripides)|''The Suppliants'']] (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891)<!--Unsourced: '''For nothing is there more sweet unto an aged father than a daughter'''--> * Naught is more hostile to a city than a despot; where he is, there are in the first place no laws common to all, but one man is tyrant, in whose keeping and in his alone the law resides, and in that case equality is at an end. ** ''The Suppliants'' (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891) * '''Helen''': What happened in my heart, to make me leave my home<br />And my own land, to follow where a stranger led?<br />Rail at the goddess; be more resolute than Zeus,<br />Who holds power over all other divinities<br />But is himself the slave of love. Show Aphrodite<br />Your indignation; me, pardon and sympathy.<br />'''Hecabe''': No; Paris was an extremely handsome man – one look,<br />And your appetite became your Aphrodite. Why,<br />Men's lawless lusts are all called love – it's a confusion<br />Easily made. ** ''[[w:The Trojan Women|Troades]]'' (c. 415 BC), ll. 946–950 and 987–990 (tr. Philip Vellacott, 1954) === ''[[w:Alcestis|Alcestis]]'' (438 BC) === * Never say that marriage has more of joy than pain. ** l. 238 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1960) * A second wife <br> is hateful to the children of the first, <br> a viper is not more hateful. ** l. 309 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) * '''Oh, if I had [[w:Orpheus|Orpheus]]' voice and poetry <br>with which to move the Dark Maid and her Lord, <br>I'd call you back, dear love, from the world below.''' <br>I'd go down there for you. Charôn or the grim <br>King's dog could not prevent me then <br>from carrying you up into the fields of light. ** l. 358 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) * Κούφα σοι χθὼν ἐπάνωθε πέσοι. ** Light be the earth upon you, lightly rest. ** l. 462 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960)<!--Thus petitions the Chorus over the dead body of the heroine, untimely rapt away. Cf. [[Martial]], 9, 30, 11: ''Sit tibi terra levis'' (abbrev. ''S.T.T.L.'')—"May earth lie light upon thee." Common funeral inscription. [[Ovid]], in the same spirit, prays for the repose of [[Tibullus]], ''Amores, 3, 9, 67), ''Ossa quieta precor tuta requiescite in urna, / Et sit humus cineri non onerosa tuo.''—"Inurned in peace, may thy bones rest, I pray; / And on thy ashes earth no burden lay." —''Classical and Foreign Quotations'' (1904) no. 2578--> * Old men's prayers for death are lying prayers, in which they abuse old age and long extent of life. But when death draws near, not one is willing to die, and age no longer is a burden to them. ** l. 669 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Dishonour will not trouble me, once I am dead. ** l. 726 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) * No one can confidently say that he will still be living tomorrow. ** ll. 783-4 (tr. Robert and Mary Collison, 1980)<!--''Dictionary of Foreign Quotations'' (New York: Facts on File, 1980) p. 114--> * Today's today. Tomorrow we may be<br>Ourselves gone down the drain of Eternity. ** l. 788 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) * '''I have found power in the mysteries of thought, <br> Exaltation in the changing of the Muses; <br> I have been versed in the reasonings of men; <br> But Fate is stronger than anything I have known.''' ** l. 962 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) * Time cancels young pain. ** l. 1085 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) === ''[[w:Medea (play)|Medea]]'' (431 BC) === * Of all things upon earth that bleed and grow,<br />'''A herb most bruised is [[woman]].''' ** Lines 230–231 (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1912) * The fountains of sacred rivers flow upwards. ** Line 409 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--p. 468-->) * The gifts of a bad man bring no good with them. ** Line 618 (''Bartlett's'', 1892)<!--Other translations: (1) ''The Hecuba, Orestes, Phœnician Virgins, and Medea, of Euripides; Literally Translated into English Prose, from the Text of Porson'' (Oxford: for D. A. Talboys, 1820), p. 214: "For the gifts of a bad man bring no assistance." (2) T. W. C. Edwards, ''The Medea, Literally Translated into English Prose, from the Text of Porson'' (London: Simpkin, Marshall, and Co., 1840: "For the gifts of a bad man have no avail."--> * Moderation, the noblest gift of Heaven. ** Line 636 (tr. [[Georgiana Chatterton]], 1863)<!--''The Heiress and Her Lovers'' (London: Richard Bentley, 1863), vol. 2 (front matter); cited in ''Bartlett's'', 1892--> * Of troubles none is greater than to be robbed of one’s native land. ** Line 653 (tr. David Kovacs) **: For nothing is like the sorrow or supersedes the sadness of losing your native land. (tr. [[w:Paul Roche|Paul Roche]], 1974) * πείθειν δῶρα καὶ θεοὺς λόγος ** It is said that gifts persuade even the gods. ** Line 964 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--W. Gurney Benham, ''A Book of Quotations'' (1907), p. 470-->)<!--also in ''Hoyt's'' (1922), p. 311--> * I know, indeed, the evil of that I purpose; but my inclination gets the better of my judgment. ** Line 1078 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * χαλεπὰ γὰρ βροτοῖς ὁμογενῆ μιά-<br>σματ᾽, ἕπεται δ᾽ ἅμ᾽ αὐτοφόνταις ξυνῳ-<br>δὰ θεόθεν πίτνοντ᾽ ἐπὶ δόμοις ἄχη. ** Grievous for mortals is the stain of kindred blood. For the murderers are dogged by woes harmonious with their deeds, sent by the gods upon their houses. ** Lines 1268-1270 (tr. David Kovacs) === ''[[w:Hippolytus (play)|Hippolytus]]'' (428 BC) === [[File:Death Hippolytus Lemoyne Louvre MR2026.jpg|thumb|right|There is one thing alone that stands the brunt of life throughout its course: a quiet conscience.]] * μόνον δὲ τοῦτό φασ᾽ ἁμιλλᾶσθαι βίῳ,<br>γνώμην δικαίαν κἀγαθήν ὅτῳ παρῇ ** Only one thing, they say, competes in value with life, the possession of a heart blameless and good. ** ll. 426-427 (tr. David Kovacs) * In this world second thoughts, it seems, are best. ** l. 435<!--or: 438--> (tr. [[w:David Grene|David Grene]], 1942<!--''Three Greek Tragedies in Translation'' (University of Chicago Press, 1942), p. 188-->) **: Among mortals second thoughts are the wisest. (tr. [[w:Theodore Alois Buckley|T. A. W. Buckley]], 1850<!--''The Tragedies of Euripides (Henry G. Bohn, 1850), 2 vols.-->) <br> Second thoughts are ever wiser. (''Bartlett's'', 1892) <br> Among mortals second thoughts are wisest. (''Hoyt's'', 1882<!--p. 419-->) * ἡ γλῶσσ᾽ ὀμώμοχ᾽, ἡ δὲ φρὴν ἀνώμοτος ** 'Twas but my tongue, 'twas not my soul that swore. ** l. 612 (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1902) **: My tongue swore, but my mind was still unpledged. (tr. David Grene, 1942) * '''The credit we get for wisdom is measured by our success.''' ** l. 701 (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891) === ''[[w:Orestes (play)|Orestes]]'' (408 BC) === [[File:Orestes Pursued by the Furies by William-Adolphe Bouguereau (1862) - Google Art Project.jpg |thumb|right|''The Remorse of Orestes'' by William-Adolphe Bouguereau]] * '''Love is all we have, the only way that each can help the other.''' ** l. 298 (tr. [[w:William Arrowsmith|William Arrowsmith]], 1958<!--''Euripides IV'' (University of Chicago Press, 1958)-->) * Ὅταν γὰρ ἡδὺς τοῖς λόγοις, φρονῶν κακῶς <br> πείθῃ τὸ πλῆθος, τῇ πόλει κακὸν μέγα. ** When one with honeyed words but evil mind<br> Persuades the mob, great woes befall the state. ** l. 907 (''Harbottle's'', 1897<!--p. 447-->) === ''[[w:The Phoenician Women|The Phoenician Women]]''<!--c. 411-409 BC?--> === * ἓν μὲν μέγιστον, οὐκ ἔχει παρρησίαν. * But this is slavery, not to speak one’s thought. ** Line 392, Jocasta (tr. Elizabeth Wyckoff, 1958<!--''Euripides IV'' (University of Chicago Press, 1958) p. 472-->) **: Who dares not speak his free thoughts is a slave. (tr. [[w:Robert Potter (translator)|R. Potter]], 1823<!--''The Tragedies of Euripides'' (Oxford: W. Baxter, 1823), 2 vols.-->) * ἁπλοῦς ὁ μῦθος τῆς ἀληθείας ἔφυ, <br> κοὐ ποικίλων δεῖ τἄνδιχ᾽ ἑρμηνευμάτων ** The words of truth are simple, and justice needs no subtle interpretations, for it hath a fitness in itself. ** Lines 469–470 (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891<!--Revised by George Panagiotou: "The words of truth are naturally simple, and justice needs no subtle interpretations, for it has a fitness in itself."-->) === ''[[w:The Bacchae|The Bacchae]]'' (405 BC) === [[File:Euripides altes Museum.jpg|thumb|right|Humility, a sense of reverence before the sons of heaven — of all the prizes that a mortal man might win, these, I say, are wisest; these are best.]] * But cleverness is not wisdom, nor is the thinking on things unfit for mortals. ** Line 395 (tr. [[w:Theodore Alois Buckley|T. A. W. Buckley]], 1850)<!--Unsourced: "Cleverness is not wisdom. And not to think mortal thoughts is to see few days."--> * '''Dionysus''': He who believes needs no explanation.<br /> '''Pentheus''': What's the worth in believing worthless things? <br />'''Dionysus''': Much worth, but not worth telling you, it seems. ** Line 472 (tr. [[w:Colin Teevan|Colin Teevan]], 2002) * '''Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.''' ** Lines 479-480 (tr. William Arrowsmith, 1958) **: To the fool, he who speaks wisdom will sound foolish. (''Bartlett's'', 13th ed. 1955) **: He were a fool, methinks, who would utter wisdom to a fool. (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891) **: Wise words being brought to blinded eyes will seem as things of nought. (tr. [[Gilbert Murray]], 1902) * '''Slow but sure moves the might of the gods.''' ** Line 882 (''Bartlett's'', 14th ed. 1968) **: Slowly but surely withal moveth the might of the gods. (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed. 1892) * χρηστοῖσι δούλοις συμφορὰ τὰ δεσποτῶν. ** The misfortunes of their masters are a concern to good servants. ** Line 1028 (tr. [[w:Theodore Alois Buckley|T. A. W. Buckley]], 1850)<!--Unsourced translation: "Good slaves [are affected by] the adversities of their masters."--> note: the original sentence does not contain any verb * '''Humility, a sense of reverence before the sons of heaven — of all the prizes that a mortal man might win, these, I say, are wisest; these are best.''' ** Line 1150 (tr. William Arrowsmith, 1958) === Fragments === * '''The company of just and righteous men is better than wealth and a rich estate.''' ** ''Ægeus'', frag. 7 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed. 1892) * κακὸν γυναῖκα πρὸς νέαν ζεῦξαι νέον· <br> μακρὰ γὰρ ἰσχὺς μᾶλλον ἀρσένων μένει, <br> θήλεια δ' ἥβη θᾶσσον ἐκλείπει δέμας. ** To mate a youth with a young wife is ill; <br> Seeing a man's strength lasteth, while the bloom <br> Of beauty quickly leaves a woman's form. ** ''Æolus'', frag. 22 (tr. J. A. Symonds, 1879<!--''Studies of the Greek Poets'', 2nd ser. (2nd ed. 1879) p. 289 note-->) * A bad beginning makes a bad ending. ** ''Æolus'', frag. 32 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * '''Time will explain it all.''' He is a talker, and needs no questioning before he speaks. ** ''Æolus'', frag. 38 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Φεῦ φεῦ, παλαιὸς αἶνος ὡς καλῶς ἔχει· <br> γέροντες οὐδέν ἐσμεν ἄλλο πλὴν ψόφος <br> καὶ σχῆμ', ὀνείρων δ᾽ ἕρπομεν μιμήματα· <br> νοῦς δ᾽ οὐκ ἔνεστιν, οἰόμεσθα δ᾽ εὐ φρονεῖν. ** Alas, how right the ancient saying is: <br> We, who are old, are nothing else but noise <br> And shape. Like mimicries of dreams we go, <br> And have no wits, although we think us wise. ** ''Æolus'', frag. (tr. [[Maurice Bowra|C. M. Bowra]], 1938<!--''Oxford Book of Greek Verse in Translation'' (1938) no. 389-->)<!--Greek: ''Tragicorum Graecorum Fragmenta'', ed. A. Nauck, p. 370, no. 2--> * The nobly born must nobly meet his fate. ** ''Alcmene'', frag. 100 (''Bartlett's'', 1892)<!--''Noblesse oblige''. — Bohn: ''Foreign Proverbs''--> * Waste not fresh tears over old griefs. ** ''Alexander'', frag. 44 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Ἡδύ τοι σωθέντα μεμνῆσθαι πόνων. ** Sweet is the remembrance of troubles when you are in safety. ** ''Andromeda'', frag. 10, l. 2 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--p. 472-->) * ὅσοι γὰρ εἰς ἔρωτα πίπτουσιν βροτῶν <br> ἐσθλῶν ὅταν τύχωσι τῶν ἐρωμένων <br> οὐκ ἔσθ' ὁποίας λείπεται τῆς ἡδονῆς. ** When it befalls poor mortal men to love, <br> Should they find worthy objects for their loving, <br> Then is there nothing left of joy to long for. ** ''Andromeda'', frag. 147 (tr. J. A. Symonds, 1879) * Woman is woman's natural ally. ** ''Alope'', frag. 109 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Man's best possession is a sympathetic wife. ** ''Antigone'', frag. 164 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Ignorance of one's misfortunes is clear gain. ** ''Antiope'', frag. 204 (''Bartlett's'', 1892); cf. [[William Davenant|Davenant]] [[File:Ватикан. Еврипид (Euripide) с актерской маской (ант.статуя) ~1859г 2640.jpg|thumb|right|Events will take their course, it is no good of being angry at them; he is happiest who wisely turns them to the best account.]] * '''Events will take their course, it is no good of being angry at them; he is happiest who wisely turns them to the best account.''' ** [[w:Bellerophon (play)|''Bellerophon'']], frag. 298, in [[Plutarch]], ''Moralia'', "De tranquillitate animi" (tr. [[w:Arthur Richard Shilleto|A. R. Shilleto]], 1888)<!--''Plutarch's Morals: Ethical Essays'' (1888) p. 293--> * Φησίν τις εἶναι δῆτ᾽ ἐν οὐρανῷ θεούς; <br> οὐκ εἰσίν, οὐκ εἴσ᾽, εἴ τις ἀνθρώπων θέλει <br> μὴ τῷ παλαιῷ μῶρος ὢν χρῆσθαι λόγῳ. <br> σκέψασθε δ᾽ αὐτοί, μὴ ἐπὶ τοῖς ἐμοῖς λόγοις <br> γνώμην ἔχοντες. φήμ᾽ ἐγὼ τυραννίδα <br> κτείνειν τε πλείστους κτημάτων τ᾿ ἀποστερεῖν <br> ὅρκους τε παραβαίνοντας ἐκπορθεῖν πόλεις· <br> καὶ ταῦτα δρῶντες μᾶλλόν εἰσ᾽ εὐδαίμονες. <br> τῶν εὐσεβούντων ἡσυχῇ καθ᾽ ἡμέραν. <br> πόλεις τε μικρὰς οἶδα τιμώσας θεούς, <br> αἳ μειζόνων κλύουσι δυσσεβεστέρων <br> λόγχης ἀριθμῷ πλείονος κρατούμεναι. <br> οἶμαι δ᾽ ἂν ὑμᾶς, εἴ τις ἀργὸς ὢν θεοῖς <br> εὔχοιτο καὶ μὴ χειρὶ συλλέγοι βίον, <br> μαθεῖν ἂν ὡς οὐκ εἰσίν. αἱ δ᾽ εὐπραξίαι <br> τὰ θεῖα πυργοῦσ᾽ αἱ κακαί τε συμφοραί. ** '''Doth some one say that there be gods above? <br/>There are not; no, there are not. Let no fool, <br/>Led by the old false fable, thus deceive you.''' <br/>Look at the facts themselves, yielding my words <br/>No undue credence: for I say that kings <br/>Kill, rob, break oaths, lay cities waste by fraud, <br/>And doing thus are happier than those <br/>Who live calm pious lives day after day. <br> How many little States that serve the gods <br> Are subject to the godless but more strong, <br> Made slaves by might of a superior army! <br> And you, if any ceased from work and prayed <br> To gods, nor gathered in his livelihood, <br> Would learn gods are not. All Divinity <br> Is built-up from our good and evil luck. ** ''Bellerophon'', frag. (tr. [[John Addington Symonds|J. A. Symonds]], 1879; rev. [[Maurice Bowra|C. M. Bowra]], 1938<!--First 11 lines by Symonds, ''Studies of the Greek Poets'', 2nd ser. (2nd ed. 1879) p. 294; completed by Bowra, ''OBGVT'' (1938) no. 391. Greek: ''TGF'', p. 445, no. 286-->) * Toil, says the proverb, is the sire of fame. ** ''Licymnius'', frag. 477 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * A bad ending follows a bad beginning. ** ''Melanippe the Wise'', frag. (tr. E. F. Burr, 1880<!--''Dio, the Athenian'' (1880) ch. 15 (p. 370)-->)<!--Unsourced variant: "A bad beginning makes a bad ending."--> [[File:Seated Euripides Louvre Ma343.jpg|thumb|right|When good men die their goodness does not perish, but lives though they are gone. As for the bad, all that was theirs dies and is buried with them.]] * '''Cowards do not count in battle; they are there, but not in it.''' ** ''Meleager'' frag. 523 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * A woman should be good for everything at home, but abroad good for nothing. ** ''Meleager'', frag. 525 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Silver and gold are not the only coin; virtue too passes current all over the world. ** ''Œdipus'', frag. 546 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Every man is like the company he is wont to keep. ** ''Phœnix'', frag. 812<!--or: 809--> (''Bartlett's'', 1892)<!--Unsourced variant: "He is like the very men whose company he enjoys."--> * Ὦ φιλόζωοι βροτοὶ,<br/>οἱ τὴν ἐπιστείχουσαν ἡμέραν ἰδεῖν<br/>οὕτως ἔρως βροτοῖσιν ἐγκεῖται βίου ** O ye life-loving mortals,<br/>Who ever long to see the coming day,<br/>Though ye be weighed down with a thousand sorrows!<br/>So strong the yearning of mankind for life. ** ''Phœnix'', frag. 12 (''Harbottle's'', 1897<!--T. B. Harbottle, [https://archive.org/stream/dictionaryquota04harbgoog#page/n556/mode/2up ''Dictionary of Quotations (Classical)''] (London: Swan Sonnenschein & Co., Ltd., 1897) p. 538-->) * Who knows but life be that which men call death,<br>And death what men call life? ** ''Phrixus'', fragment 830 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) **: Who knows if that be life which we call death,<br>And life be dying? (tr. J. A. Symonds, 1879) * Whoso neglects learning in his youth, loses the past and is dead for the future. ** ''Phrixus'', frag. 927 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * The gods visit the sins of the fathers upon the children. ** ''Phrixus'', frag. 970 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Πᾶσιν γὰρ εὖ φρονοῦσι συμμαχεῖ τύχη. ** '''For chance fights ever on the side of the prudent.''' ** ''Pirithous'', adapted (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--p. 477-->) * "Η τοῖσιν εὐφρονοῦσι συμμαχεῖ τύχη. ** Fortune truly helps those who are of good judgement. ** ''Pirithous'' (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--p. 781 note-->) * Where two discourse, if the one's anger rise, <br> The man who lets the contest fall is wise. ** ''Protesilaus'', frag. 656, in Plutarch, ''Moralia'', "De liberis educandis" (tr. Several Hands, 1684) * '''When good men die their goodness does not perish, <br> But lives though they are gone.''' As for the bad, <br> All that was theirs dies and is buried with them. ** ''Temenidæ'', frag. 734 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * ἡ γὰρ σιωπὴ τοῖς σοφοῖσ<br>ἀπόκρισις. ** Silence is an answer in the eyes of the wise. ** Unidentified play, [[Talk:Euripides#Source Information for "Silence is true wisdom's best reply."|frag. 977]] (tr. Christopher Collard and Martin Cropp, [[w:LoeB Classical Library|L504]])<!--cf. [[Honoré Gabriel Riqueti, comte de Mirabeau#Attributed|Mirabeau]]--> **: For silence is true wisdom's best reply. (tr. R. B. Appleton, 1927)<!--''Euripides the Idealist'' (London: J. M. Dent, 1927), p. 194--> {{Disputed begin}} == Disputed == * Σοφὸς ἦν τις, ὃς τὸ θεῖον εἰσηγήσατο. ** '''I maintain, <br> Some shrewd man first, a man in counsel wise,<br>Discovered unto men the fear of Gods,<br>Thereby to frighten sinners should they sin <br>E'en secretly in deed, or word, or thought.''' ** [[w:Sisyphus fragment|Sisyphus fragment]], in [[Sextus Empiricus]], ''Against the Physicists'', bk. 1 sec. 54 (tr. R. G. Bury, [[w:Loeb Classical Library|L311]])<!--Revised by J. Garrett: "I think, / Some shrewd man first, a man in judgment wise, / Found for mortals the fear of gods, / Thereby to frighten the wicked should they / Even act or speak or scheme in secret."--> **: He was a wise man who originated the idea of God. (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--p. 478-->) * Most cunning doctrine did he introduce,<br>The truth concealing under speech untrue.<br>The place he spoke of as the God's abode<br>Was that whereby he could affright men most,—<br>The place from which, he knew, both terrors came<br>And easements unto men of toilsome life—<br>To wit the vault above, wherein do dwell<br>The lightnings, he beheld, and awesome claps<br>Of thunder, and the starry face of heaven,<br>Fair-spangled by that cunning craftsman Time,—<br>Whence, too, the meteor's glowing mass doth speed<br>And liquid rain descends upon the earth. ** Sisyphus fragment (tr. R. G. Bury, L311)<!--Revised by J. Garrett: The sweetest teaching did he introduce, / Concealing truth under untrue speech. / The place he spoke of as the gods' abode<br>Was that by which he might awe humans most, — / The place from which, he knew, terrors came to mortals / And things advantageous in their wearisome life — / The revolving heaven above, in which dwell / The lightnings, and awesome claps / Of thunder, and the starry face of heaven, / Beautiful and intricate by that wise craftsman Time, — / From which, too, the meteor's glowing mass speeds / And wet thunderstorm pours forth upon the earth.--> * I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right. ** Supposedly in ''The Suppliants'' [https://archive.org/search?query=%22shall+find+scholars+later+to+demonstrate%22&sin=TXT&sort=date] ** Also attributed to [[Frederick the Great]] of Prussia {{Disputed end}} {{Misattributed begin}} == Misattributed == * Account no man happy till he dies. ** [[Sophocles]], ''Oedipus Rex'' l. 1529 ** Cf. [[Herodotus]], bk. 1 ch. 32: But refrain from calling him fortunate before he dies; call him lucky. (tr. A. D. Godley, 1920) * Circumstances rule men and not men circumstances. ** [[Herodotus]], Book 7, Ch. 49; Misattributed to Euripides in "The Imperial Four" by Professor Creasy in ''Bentley's Miscellany'' Vol. 33 (January 1853), p. 22 ** Variant translation: Circumstances rule men; men do not rule circumstances. * Those whom the gods wish to destroy they first make mad. ** Anonymous ancient proverb, wrongly attributed to Euripides. The version here is quoted as a "heathen proverb" in ''Daniel, a Model for Young Men'' (1854) by William Anderson Scott. The origin of the misattribution to Euripides is unknown. Several variants are quoted in ancient texts, as follows. ** Variants and derived paraphrases: *** For cunningly of old <br>was the celebrated saying revealed: <br>evil sometimes seems good <br>to a man whose mind <br>a god leads to destruction. **** Sophocles, ''Antigone'' 620-3, a play pre-dating any of Euripides' surviving plays. An ancient commentary explains the passage as a paraphrase of the following, from another, earlier poet. *** When a god plans harm against a man, <br> he first damages the mind of the man he is plotting against. **** Quoted in the ''scholia vetera'' to Sophocles' ''Antigone'' 620ff., without attribution. The meter (iambic trimeter) suggests that the source of the quotation is a tragic play. *** For whenever the anger of divine spirits harms someone, <br>it first does this: it steals away his mind <br>and good sense, and turns his thought to foolishness,''' <br>so that he should know nothing of his mistakes. **** Attributed to "some of the old poets" by [[w:Lycurgus of Athens|Lycurgus of Athens]] in his ''Oratio In Leocratem'' [''Oration Against Leocrates''], section 92. Again, the meter suggests that the source is a tragic play. These lines are misattributed to the much earlier semi-mythical statesman [[w:Lycurgus of Sparta|Lycurgus of Sparta]] in a footnote of recent editions of ''[[w:Bartlett's Familiar Quotations|Bartlett's Familiar Quotations]]'' and other works. *** The gods do nothing until they have blinded the minds of the wicked. **** Variant in ''''Dictionary of Quotations (Classical)'' (1906), compiled by Thomas Benfield Harbottle, p. 433. *** Whom Fortune wishes to destroy she first makes mad.''' **** [[Publilius Syrus]], Maxim 911 *** The devil when he purports any evil against man, first perverts his mind. **** As quoted by [[w:Athenagoras of Athens|Athenagoras of Athens]] in ''Legatio Pro Christianis''. *** ''quem Iuppiter vult perdere, dementat prius.'' **** "Whom Jupiter wishes to destroy, he first sends mad"; neo-Latin version. Similar wording is found in [[w:James Duport|James Duport]]'s ''Homeri Gnomologia'' (1660), p. 234. "A maxim of obscure origin which may have been invented in Cambridge about 1640" -- Taylor, ''The Proverb'' (1931). Probably a variant of the line "He whom the gods love dies young", derived from [[Menander]]'s play ''The Double Deceiver'' via [[Plautus]] (''Bacchides'' 816-7). *** ''quem'' (or ''quos'') ''Deus perdere vult, dementat prius.'' **** Whom God wishes to destroy, he first sends mad. *** '''Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad.''' **** This variant is spoken by [[w:Prometheus|Prometheus]], in ''The Masque of Pandora'' (1875) by [[Henry Wadsworth Longfellow]] *** Those whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad. **** As quoted in ''George Fox Interpreted: The Religion, Revelations, Motives and Mission of George Fox'' (1881) by Thomas Ellwood Longshore, p. 154 *** Those whom God wishes to destroy, he first makes mad. **** As quoted in ''[[w:Bartlett's Familiar Quotations|Bartlett's Familiar Quotations]]'' 16th edition (1992) *** Nor do the gods appear in warrior's armour clad <br> To strike them down with sword and spear <br> Those whom they would destroy <br> They first make mad. **** Bhartṛhari, 7th c. AD; as quoted in John Brough, ''Poems from the Sanskrit'', (1968), p, 67 *** ''vināśakāle viparītabuddhiḥ'' **** Sanskrit Saying (also in ''Jatak katha''): "When a man is to be destroyed, his intelligence becomes self-destructive." ** Modern derivatives: The proverb's meaning is changed in many English versions from the 20th and 21st centuries that start with the proverb's first half (through "they") and then end with a phrase that replaces "first make mad" or "make mad." Such versions can be found at Internet search engines by using either of the two keyword phrases that are on Page 2 and Page 4 of the webpage "[http://www.bu.edu/av/celop2/not_ESL/pick_any_wrong_card.pdf Pick any Wrong Card]." The rest of that webpage is frameworks that induce a reader to compose new variations on this proverb. {{Misattributed end}} == Quotes about Euripides == * [[Sophocles]] said that he drew men as they ought to be; Euripides, as they are. ** [[Aristotle]], ''Poetics'', ch. 25 (trans. S. H. Butcher) * I could not bear Euripides at college. I now read my recantation. He has faults undoubtedly. But what a poet! The [[w:Medea (play)|Medea]], the [[w:Alcestis (play)|Alcestis]], the [[w:The Trojan Women|Troades]], the [[w:The Bacchae|Bacchæ]], are alone sufficient to place him in the very first rank. ** [[Thomas Babington Macaulay]] to Thomas Flower Ellis (8 February 1835), quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 431 * The [[w:Orestes (play)|Orestes]] is one of the very finest plays in the Greek language. Among those of Euripides, I should place it next to the Medea and the Bacchæ. It has some very real faults; but it possesses that strong human interest which neither [[Aeschylus|Æschylus]] nor [[Sophocles]],—poets in many respects far superior to Euripides,—ever gave to their dramas. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 474 * The Bacchæ is a most glorious play. I doubt whether it be not superior to the Medea. It is often very obscure; and I am not sure that I fully understand its general scope. But, as a piece of language, it is hardly equalled in the world. And, whether it was intended to encourage or to discourage fanaticism, the picture of fanatical excitement which it exhibits has never been rivalled. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), pp. 474-475 == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{Commonscat|Euripides}} {{wikisource author|Euripides}} * {{gutenberg author| id=Euripides | name=Euripides}} * [http://www.fordham.edu/halsall/ancient/eb11-euripides.html Article in ''Encyclopaedia Britannica'' (11th edition) at Fordham University] * [http://www.perseus.tufts.edu/cgi-bin/vor?x=0&y=0&lookup=Euripides Euripides-related materials at the Perseus Digital Library] * [http://www.theatrehistory.com/ancient/euripides001.html "Euripedes and His Tragedies" at TheatreHistory.com] * [http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0262381/ IMDBs List of movies based on Euripides plays] * [https://www.ellopos.net/elpenor/greek-texts/ancient-greece/euripides.asp Euripides Resources] {{DEFAULTSORT:Euripides}} [[Category:Poets from Greece]] [[Category:Playwrights from Greece]] [[Category:BCE births]] [[Category:BCE deaths]] [[Category:People from Athens]] m5cpf24d0vut5t18xaxpfuhmset1nxl 3778949 3778934 2025-07-15T00:40:23Z Ficaia 3085955 /* Fragments */ 3778949 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Euripides Pio-Clementino Inv302.jpg|thumb|right|In case of dissension, never dare to judge till you've heard the other side.]] '''[[w:Euripides|Euripides]]''' (Greek: Εὐριπίδης; c. [[480 BC]]–[[406 BC]]) was a [[:Category:Authors|Greek playwright]]. == Quotes == * ἁγὼ οὔτινι θύω πλὴν ἐμοὶ, θεοῖσι δ᾽ οὔ, <br/> καὶ τῇ μεγίστῃ γαστρὶ τῇδε δαιμόνων. ** I sacrifice to no god save myself — <br/> And to my belly, greatest of deities. ** [[w:Cyclops (play)|''Cyclops'']] (''c''. 424-23 BC) l. 334 (ed. [[w:Burton Egbert Stevenson|B. E. Stevenson]], 1948<!--''The Home Book of Proverbs, Maxims and Familiar Phrases'' (New York: Macmillan Co., 1948) p. 165-->) **: To what other God but to myself <br/> And this great belly, first of deities, <br/> Should I be bound to sacrifice? <br/> (tr. [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|P. B. Shelley]], wr. 1819; pub. 1824) * I care for riches, to make gifts <br> To friends, or lead a sick man back to health<br> With ease and plenty. Else small aid is wealth <br> For daily gladness; once a man be done <br> With hunger, rich and poor are all as one. ** [[w:Electra (Euripides play)|''Electra'']] (413 BC) l. ? (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1906)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed. 1968--> * On behalf of all those dead<br>who learned their hatred of women long ago,<br>for those who hate them now, for those unborn<br>who shall live to hate them yet, I now declare<br>my firm conviction: neither earth nor ocean<br>produces a creature as savage and monstrous<br>as woman. ** [[w:Hecuba (play)|''Hecuba'']] (424 BC), ll. 1177-1182 (tr. William Arrowsmith, 1956<!--'''Euripides III'' (University of Chicago Press, 1956)-->) **: Let me tell you, if anyone in the past has spoken<br>ill of women, or speaks so now or will speak so<br>in the future, I’ll sum it up for him: Neither sea<br>nor land has ever produced a more monstrous<br>creature than woman.<br>(tr. Jay Kardan and Laura-Gray Street, 2011, in ''Didaskalia'', [https://didaskalia.net/issues/8/32/ vol. 8 no. 32]) * λόγος γάρ ἐστιν οὐκ ἐμός, σοφὸν δ᾽ ἔπος,<br>δεινῆς ἀνάγκης οὐδὲν ἰσχύειν πλέον. ** '''Nothing has more strength than dire necessity.''' ** [[w:Helen (play)|''Helen'']] (412 BC), l. 510 (tr. Richmond Lattimore, 1956), quoting "a saying" * Man's most valuable trait<br>is a judicious sense of what not to believe. ** ''Helen'', ll. 1617-1618 (tr. Richmond Lattimore, 1956) **: There is naught more serviceable to mankind than a prudent distrust. (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891)<!--''The Plays of Euripides'' (London: George Bell & Sons, 1891), 2 vols.--><!--Unsourced: "Nothing is more useful to mankind than a prudent distrust."--> * Who can decide a plea or judge a speech until he has heard plainly from both sides? ** [[w:Children of Heracles|''Heraclidæ'']] (''c''. 428 BC), [https://www.perseus.tufts.edu/hopper/text?doc=Perseus%3Atext%3A1999.01.0104%3Acard%3D134 ll. 179-180] (tr. David Kovacs), quoted by [[Aristophanes]] in ''The Wasps'' **: In case of dissension, never dare to judge till you've heard the other side. —''Forbes'', vol. 86 no. 10 (15 Nov. 1960) p. 70 * '''Leave no stone unturned.''' ** ''Heraclidæ'' (''c''. 428 BC), l. 1002 (''Bartlett's'', 1892)<!--cf. [[Samuel Butler (poet)|Butler]], ''Hudibras''--> * '''Ares hates those who hesitate.''' ** ''Heraclidæ'' (''c''. 428 BC), l. 722 (ed. H. L. Mencken, 1942, '60)<!--H. L. Mencken, ''A New Dictionary of Quotations on Historical Principles'' (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1942; 1960)--> **: Ares hates the sluggard most of all. (tr. David Kovacs) * Yet do I hold that mortal foolish who strives against the stress of necessity. ** [[w:Herakles (Euripides)|''Hercules Furens'']], l. 281 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * O lady, nobility is thine, and thy form is the reflection of thy nature! ** [[w:Ion (play)|''Ion'']]<!--"Gon."--> (''c''. 421-408 BC) l. 238 (tr. E. F. Burr, 1880)<!--''Dio, the Athenian; or, From Olympus to Calvary'' (New York: Phillips & Hunt, 1880, ch. 17 epigraph (p. 385); also in J. K. Hoyt and Anna L. Ward, ''The Cyclopædia of Practical Quotations'' (New York: I. K. Funk & Co., 1882), p. 290--> * Authority is never without hate. ** ''Ion'' (c. 421-408 BC) l. ? (tr. Ronald F. Willetts, 1958) * Thou didst bring me forth for all the Greeks in common, not for thyself alone. ** [[w:Iphigenia in Aulis|''Iphigenia in Aulis'']], l. 1386 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * '''A coward turns away, but a brave man's choice is danger.''' ** [[w:Iphigenia in Tauris|''Iphigenia in Tauris'']] (''c''. 412 BC) l. 114 (tr. Richmond Lattimore, 1956) * '''There is in the worst of fortune the best of chances for a happy change.''' ** ''Iphigenia in Tauris'' (''c''. 412 BC) l. 721 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * '''Slight not what's near through aiming at what's far.''' ** [[w:Rhesus (play)|''Rhesus'']] (''c''. 435 BC) l. 482 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * '''For naught is there more sweet unto an aged sire than a daughter's love.''' ** [[w:The Suppliants (Euripides)|''The Suppliants'']] (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891)<!--Unsourced: '''For nothing is there more sweet unto an aged father than a daughter'''--> * Naught is more hostile to a city than a despot; where he is, there are in the first place no laws common to all, but one man is tyrant, in whose keeping and in his alone the law resides, and in that case equality is at an end. ** ''The Suppliants'' (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891) * '''Helen''': What happened in my heart, to make me leave my home<br />And my own land, to follow where a stranger led?<br />Rail at the goddess; be more resolute than Zeus,<br />Who holds power over all other divinities<br />But is himself the slave of love. Show Aphrodite<br />Your indignation; me, pardon and sympathy.<br />'''Hecabe''': No; Paris was an extremely handsome man – one look,<br />And your appetite became your Aphrodite. Why,<br />Men's lawless lusts are all called love – it's a confusion<br />Easily made. ** ''[[w:The Trojan Women|Troades]]'' (c. 415 BC), ll. 946–950 and 987–990 (tr. Philip Vellacott, 1954) === ''[[w:Alcestis|Alcestis]]'' (438 BC) === * Never say that marriage has more of joy than pain. ** l. 238 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1960) * A second wife <br> is hateful to the children of the first, <br> a viper is not more hateful. ** l. 309 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) * '''Oh, if I had [[w:Orpheus|Orpheus]]' voice and poetry <br>with which to move the Dark Maid and her Lord, <br>I'd call you back, dear love, from the world below.''' <br>I'd go down there for you. Charôn or the grim <br>King's dog could not prevent me then <br>from carrying you up into the fields of light. ** l. 358 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) * Κούφα σοι χθὼν ἐπάνωθε πέσοι. ** Light be the earth upon you, lightly rest. ** l. 462 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960)<!--Thus petitions the Chorus over the dead body of the heroine, untimely rapt away. Cf. [[Martial]], 9, 30, 11: ''Sit tibi terra levis'' (abbrev. ''S.T.T.L.'')—"May earth lie light upon thee." Common funeral inscription. [[Ovid]], in the same spirit, prays for the repose of [[Tibullus]], ''Amores, 3, 9, 67), ''Ossa quieta precor tuta requiescite in urna, / Et sit humus cineri non onerosa tuo.''—"Inurned in peace, may thy bones rest, I pray; / And on thy ashes earth no burden lay." —''Classical and Foreign Quotations'' (1904) no. 2578--> * Old men's prayers for death are lying prayers, in which they abuse old age and long extent of life. But when death draws near, not one is willing to die, and age no longer is a burden to them. ** l. 669 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Dishonour will not trouble me, once I am dead. ** l. 726 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) * No one can confidently say that he will still be living tomorrow. ** ll. 783-4 (tr. Robert and Mary Collison, 1980)<!--''Dictionary of Foreign Quotations'' (New York: Facts on File, 1980) p. 114--> * Today's today. Tomorrow we may be<br>Ourselves gone down the drain of Eternity. ** l. 788 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) * '''I have found power in the mysteries of thought, <br> Exaltation in the changing of the Muses; <br> I have been versed in the reasonings of men; <br> But Fate is stronger than anything I have known.''' ** l. 962 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) * Time cancels young pain. ** l. 1085 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) === ''[[w:Medea (play)|Medea]]'' (431 BC) === * Of all things upon earth that bleed and grow,<br />'''A herb most bruised is [[woman]].''' ** Lines 230–231 (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1912) * The fountains of sacred rivers flow upwards. ** Line 409 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--p. 468-->) * The gifts of a bad man bring no good with them. ** Line 618 (''Bartlett's'', 1892)<!--Other translations: (1) ''The Hecuba, Orestes, Phœnician Virgins, and Medea, of Euripides; Literally Translated into English Prose, from the Text of Porson'' (Oxford: for D. A. Talboys, 1820), p. 214: "For the gifts of a bad man bring no assistance." (2) T. W. C. Edwards, ''The Medea, Literally Translated into English Prose, from the Text of Porson'' (London: Simpkin, Marshall, and Co., 1840: "For the gifts of a bad man have no avail."--> * Moderation, the noblest gift of Heaven. ** Line 636 (tr. [[Georgiana Chatterton]], 1863)<!--''The Heiress and Her Lovers'' (London: Richard Bentley, 1863), vol. 2 (front matter); cited in ''Bartlett's'', 1892--> * Of troubles none is greater than to be robbed of one’s native land. ** Line 653 (tr. David Kovacs) **: For nothing is like the sorrow or supersedes the sadness of losing your native land. (tr. [[w:Paul Roche|Paul Roche]], 1974) * πείθειν δῶρα καὶ θεοὺς λόγος ** It is said that gifts persuade even the gods. ** Line 964 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--W. Gurney Benham, ''A Book of Quotations'' (1907), p. 470-->)<!--also in ''Hoyt's'' (1922), p. 311--> * I know, indeed, the evil of that I purpose; but my inclination gets the better of my judgment. ** Line 1078 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * χαλεπὰ γὰρ βροτοῖς ὁμογενῆ μιά-<br>σματ᾽, ἕπεται δ᾽ ἅμ᾽ αὐτοφόνταις ξυνῳ-<br>δὰ θεόθεν πίτνοντ᾽ ἐπὶ δόμοις ἄχη. ** Grievous for mortals is the stain of kindred blood. For the murderers are dogged by woes harmonious with their deeds, sent by the gods upon their houses. ** Lines 1268-1270 (tr. David Kovacs) === ''[[w:Hippolytus (play)|Hippolytus]]'' (428 BC) === [[File:Death Hippolytus Lemoyne Louvre MR2026.jpg|thumb|right|There is one thing alone that stands the brunt of life throughout its course: a quiet conscience.]] * μόνον δὲ τοῦτό φασ᾽ ἁμιλλᾶσθαι βίῳ,<br>γνώμην δικαίαν κἀγαθήν ὅτῳ παρῇ ** Only one thing, they say, competes in value with life, the possession of a heart blameless and good. ** ll. 426-427 (tr. David Kovacs) * In this world second thoughts, it seems, are best. ** l. 435<!--or: 438--> (tr. [[w:David Grene|David Grene]], 1942<!--''Three Greek Tragedies in Translation'' (University of Chicago Press, 1942), p. 188-->) **: Among mortals second thoughts are the wisest. (tr. [[w:Theodore Alois Buckley|T. A. W. Buckley]], 1850<!--''The Tragedies of Euripides (Henry G. Bohn, 1850), 2 vols.-->) <br> Second thoughts are ever wiser. (''Bartlett's'', 1892) <br> Among mortals second thoughts are wisest. (''Hoyt's'', 1882<!--p. 419-->) * ἡ γλῶσσ᾽ ὀμώμοχ᾽, ἡ δὲ φρὴν ἀνώμοτος ** 'Twas but my tongue, 'twas not my soul that swore. ** l. 612 (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1902) **: My tongue swore, but my mind was still unpledged. (tr. David Grene, 1942) * '''The credit we get for wisdom is measured by our success.''' ** l. 701 (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891) === ''[[w:Orestes (play)|Orestes]]'' (408 BC) === [[File:Orestes Pursued by the Furies by William-Adolphe Bouguereau (1862) - Google Art Project.jpg |thumb|right|''The Remorse of Orestes'' by William-Adolphe Bouguereau]] * '''Love is all we have, the only way that each can help the other.''' ** l. 298 (tr. [[w:William Arrowsmith|William Arrowsmith]], 1958<!--''Euripides IV'' (University of Chicago Press, 1958)-->) * Ὅταν γὰρ ἡδὺς τοῖς λόγοις, φρονῶν κακῶς <br> πείθῃ τὸ πλῆθος, τῇ πόλει κακὸν μέγα. ** When one with honeyed words but evil mind<br> Persuades the mob, great woes befall the state. ** l. 907 (''Harbottle's'', 1897<!--p. 447-->) === ''[[w:The Phoenician Women|The Phoenician Women]]''<!--c. 411-409 BC?--> === * ἓν μὲν μέγιστον, οὐκ ἔχει παρρησίαν. * But this is slavery, not to speak one’s thought. ** Line 392, Jocasta (tr. Elizabeth Wyckoff, 1958<!--''Euripides IV'' (University of Chicago Press, 1958) p. 472-->) **: Who dares not speak his free thoughts is a slave. (tr. [[w:Robert Potter (translator)|R. Potter]], 1823<!--''The Tragedies of Euripides'' (Oxford: W. Baxter, 1823), 2 vols.-->) * ἁπλοῦς ὁ μῦθος τῆς ἀληθείας ἔφυ, <br> κοὐ ποικίλων δεῖ τἄνδιχ᾽ ἑρμηνευμάτων ** The words of truth are simple, and justice needs no subtle interpretations, for it hath a fitness in itself. ** Lines 469–470 (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891<!--Revised by George Panagiotou: "The words of truth are naturally simple, and justice needs no subtle interpretations, for it has a fitness in itself."-->) === ''[[w:The Bacchae|The Bacchae]]'' (405 BC) === [[File:Euripides altes Museum.jpg|thumb|right|Humility, a sense of reverence before the sons of heaven — of all the prizes that a mortal man might win, these, I say, are wisest; these are best.]] * But cleverness is not wisdom, nor is the thinking on things unfit for mortals. ** Line 395 (tr. [[w:Theodore Alois Buckley|T. A. W. Buckley]], 1850)<!--Unsourced: "Cleverness is not wisdom. And not to think mortal thoughts is to see few days."--> * '''Dionysus''': He who believes needs no explanation.<br /> '''Pentheus''': What's the worth in believing worthless things? <br />'''Dionysus''': Much worth, but not worth telling you, it seems. ** Line 472 (tr. [[w:Colin Teevan|Colin Teevan]], 2002) * '''Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.''' ** Lines 479-480 (tr. William Arrowsmith, 1958) **: To the fool, he who speaks wisdom will sound foolish. (''Bartlett's'', 13th ed. 1955) **: He were a fool, methinks, who would utter wisdom to a fool. (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891) **: Wise words being brought to blinded eyes will seem as things of nought. (tr. [[Gilbert Murray]], 1902) * '''Slow but sure moves the might of the gods.''' ** Line 882 (''Bartlett's'', 14th ed. 1968) **: Slowly but surely withal moveth the might of the gods. (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed. 1892) * χρηστοῖσι δούλοις συμφορὰ τὰ δεσποτῶν. ** The misfortunes of their masters are a concern to good servants. ** Line 1028 (tr. [[w:Theodore Alois Buckley|T. A. W. Buckley]], 1850)<!--Unsourced translation: "Good slaves [are affected by] the adversities of their masters."--> note: the original sentence does not contain any verb * '''Humility, a sense of reverence before the sons of heaven — of all the prizes that a mortal man might win, these, I say, are wisest; these are best.''' ** Line 1150 (tr. William Arrowsmith, 1958) === Fragments === * '''The company of just and righteous men is better than wealth and a rich estate.''' ** ''Ægeus'', frag. 7 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed. 1892) * κακὸν γυναῖκα πρὸς νέαν ζεῦξαι νέον· <br> μακρὰ γὰρ ἰσχὺς μᾶλλον ἀρσένων μένει, <br> θήλεια δ' ἥβη θᾶσσον ἐκλείπει δέμας. ** To mate a youth with a young wife is ill; <br> Seeing a man's strength lasteth, while the bloom <br> Of beauty quickly leaves a woman's form. ** ''Æolus'', frag. 22 (tr. J. A. Symonds, 1879<!--''Studies of the Greek Poets'', 2nd ser. (2nd ed. 1879) p. 289 note-->) * A bad beginning makes a bad ending. ** ''Æolus'', frag. 32 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * '''Time will explain it all.''' He is a talker, and needs no questioning before he speaks. ** ''Æolus'', frag. 38 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Φεῦ φεῦ, παλαιὸς αἶνος ὡς καλῶς ἔχει· <br> γέροντες οὐδέν ἐσμεν ἄλλο πλὴν ψόφος <br> καὶ σχῆμ', ὀνείρων δ᾽ ἕρπομεν μιμήματα· <br> νοῦς δ᾽ οὐκ ἔνεστιν, οἰόμεσθα δ᾽ εὐ φρονεῖν. ** Alas, how right the ancient saying is: <br> We, who are old, are nothing else but noise <br> And shape. Like mimicries of dreams we go, <br> And have no wits, although we think us wise. ** ''Æolus'', frag. (tr. [[Maurice Bowra|C. M. Bowra]], 1938<!--''Oxford Book of Greek Verse in Translation'' (1938) no. 389-->)<!--Greek: ''Tragicorum Graecorum Fragmenta'', ed. A. Nauck, p. 370, no. 2--> * The nobly born must nobly meet his fate. ** ''Alcmene'', frag. 100 (''Bartlett's'', 1892)<!--''Noblesse oblige''. — Bohn: ''Foreign Proverbs''--> * Waste not fresh tears over old griefs. ** ''Alexander'', frag. 44 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Ἡδύ τοι σωθέντα μεμνῆσθαι πόνων. ** Sweet is the remembrance of troubles when you are in safety. ** ''Andromeda'', frag. 10, l. 2 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--p. 472-->) * ὅσοι γὰρ εἰς ἔρωτα πίπτουσιν βροτῶν <br> ἐσθλῶν ὅταν τύχωσι τῶν ἐρωμένων <br> οὐκ ἔσθ' ὁποίας λείπεται τῆς ἡδονῆς. ** When it befalls poor mortal men to love, <br> Should they find worthy objects for their loving, <br> Then is there nothing left of joy to long for. ** ''Andromeda'', frag. 147 (tr. J. A. Symonds, 1879) * Woman is woman's natural ally. ** ''Alope'', frag. 109 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Man's best possession is a sympathetic wife. ** ''Antigone'', frag. 164 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Ignorance of one's misfortunes is clear gain. ** ''Antiope'', frag. 204 (''Bartlett's'', 1892); cf. [[William Davenant|Davenant]] [[File:Ватикан. Еврипид (Euripide) с актерской маской (ант.статуя) ~1859г 2640.jpg|thumb|right|Events will take their course, it is no good of being angry at them; he is happiest who wisely turns them to the best account.]] * '''Events will take their course, it is no good of being angry at them; he is happiest who wisely turns them to the best account.''' ** [[w:Bellerophon (play)|''Bellerophon'']], frag. 298, in [[Plutarch]], ''Moralia'', "De tranquillitate animi" (tr. [[w:Arthur Richard Shilleto|A. R. Shilleto]], 1888)<!--''Plutarch's Morals: Ethical Essays'' (1888) p. 293--> * Φησίν τις εἶναι δῆτ᾽ ἐν οὐρανῷ θεούς; <br> οὐκ εἰσίν, οὐκ εἴσ᾽, εἴ τις ἀνθρώπων θέλει <br> μὴ τῷ παλαιῷ μῶρος ὢν χρῆσθαι λόγῳ. <br> σκέψασθε δ᾽ αὐτοί, μὴ ἐπὶ τοῖς ἐμοῖς λόγοις <br> γνώμην ἔχοντες. φήμ᾽ ἐγὼ τυραννίδα <br> κτείνειν τε πλείστους κτημάτων τ᾿ ἀποστερεῖν <br> ὅρκους τε παραβαίνοντας ἐκπορθεῖν πόλεις· <br> καὶ ταῦτα δρῶντες μᾶλλόν εἰσ᾽ εὐδαίμονες. <br> τῶν εὐσεβούντων ἡσυχῇ καθ᾽ ἡμέραν. <br> πόλεις τε μικρὰς οἶδα τιμώσας θεούς, <br> αἳ μειζόνων κλύουσι δυσσεβεστέρων <br> λόγχης ἀριθμῷ πλείονος κρατούμεναι. <br> οἶμαι δ᾽ ἂν ὑμᾶς, εἴ τις ἀργὸς ὢν θεοῖς <br> εὔχοιτο καὶ μὴ χειρὶ συλλέγοι βίον, <br> μαθεῖν ἂν ὡς οὐκ εἰσίν. αἱ δ᾽ εὐπραξίαι <br> τὰ θεῖα πυργοῦσ᾽ αἱ κακαί τε συμφοραί. ** '''Doth some one say that there be gods above? <br/>There are not; no, there are not. Let no fool, <br/>Led by the old false fable, thus deceive you.''' <br/>Look at the facts themselves, yielding my words <br/>No undue credence: for I say that kings <br/>Kill, rob, break oaths, lay cities waste by fraud, <br/>And doing thus are happier than those <br/>Who live calm pious lives day after day. <br> How many little States that serve the gods <br> Are subject to the godless but more strong, <br> Made slaves by might of a superior army! <br> And you, if any ceased from work and prayed <br> To gods, nor gathered in his livelihood, <br> Would learn gods are not. All Divinity <br> Is built-up from our good and evil luck. ** ''Bellerophon'', frag. (tr. [[John Addington Symonds|J. A. Symonds]], 1879; rev. [[Maurice Bowra|C. M. Bowra]], 1938<!--First 11 lines by Symonds, ''Studies of the Greek Poets'', 2nd ser. (2nd ed. 1879) p. 294; completed by Bowra, ''OBGVT'' (1938) no. 391. Greek: ''TGF'', p. 445, no. 286-->) * Toil, says the proverb, is the sire of fame. ** ''Licymnius'', frag. 477 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * A bad ending follows a bad beginning. ** ''Melanippe the Wise'', frag. (tr. E. F. Burr, 1880<!--''Dio, the Athenian'' (1880) ch. 15 (p. 370)-->)<!--Unsourced variant: "A bad beginning makes a bad ending."--> [[File:Seated Euripides Louvre Ma343.jpg|thumb|right|When good men die their goodness does not perish, but lives though they are gone. As for the bad, all that was theirs dies and is buried with them.]] * '''Cowards do not count in battle; they are there, but not in it.''' ** ''Meleager'' frag. 523 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * A woman should be good for everything at home, but abroad good for nothing. ** ''Meleager'', frag. 525 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Silver and gold are not the only coin; virtue too passes current all over the world. ** ''Œdipus'', frag. 546 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Every man is like the company he is wont to keep. ** ''Phœnix'', frag. 812<!--or: 809--> (''Bartlett's'', 1892)<!--Unsourced variant: "He is like the very men whose company he enjoys."--> * Ὦ φιλόζωοι βροτοὶ,<br/>οἱ τὴν ἐπιστείχουσαν ἡμέραν ἰδεῖν<br/>οὕτως ἔρως βροτοῖσιν ἐγκεῖται βίου ** O ye life-loving mortals,<br/>Who ever long to see the coming day,<br/>Though ye be weighed down with a thousand sorrows!<br/>So strong the yearning of mankind for life. ** ''Phœnix'', frag. 12 (''Harbottle's'', 1897<!--T. B. Harbottle, [https://archive.org/stream/dictionaryquota04harbgoog#page/n556/mode/2up ''Dictionary of Quotations (Classical)''] (London: Swan Sonnenschein & Co., Ltd., 1897) p. 538-->) * Τίς δ᾽ οἶδεν εἰ ζῆν τοῦθ᾽ ὁ κέκληται θανεῖν, <br> τὸ ζῆν δὲ θνῄσκειν ἐστί ** Who knows but life be that which men call death, <br> And death what men call life? ** ''Phrixus'', fragment 830 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) **: Who knows if that be life which we call death,<br>And life be dying? (tr. J. A. Symonds, 1879) * Whoso neglects learning in his youth, loses the past and is dead for the future. ** ''Phrixus'', frag. 927 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * The gods visit the sins of the fathers upon the children. ** ''Phrixus'', frag. 970 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Πᾶσιν γὰρ εὖ φρονοῦσι συμμαχεῖ τύχη. ** '''For chance fights ever on the side of the prudent.''' ** ''Pirithous'', adapted (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--p. 477-->) * "Η τοῖσιν εὐφρονοῦσι συμμαχεῖ τύχη. ** Fortune truly helps those who are of good judgement. ** ''Pirithous'' (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--p. 781 note-->) * Where two discourse, if the one's anger rise, <br> The man who lets the contest fall is wise. ** ''Protesilaus'', frag. 656, in Plutarch, ''Moralia'', "De liberis educandis" (tr. Several Hands, 1684) * '''When good men die their goodness does not perish, <br> But lives though they are gone.''' As for the bad, <br> All that was theirs dies and is buried with them. ** ''Temenidæ'', frag. 734 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * ἡ γὰρ σιωπὴ τοῖς σοφοῖσ<br>ἀπόκρισις. ** Silence is an answer in the eyes of the wise. ** Unidentified play, [[Talk:Euripides#Source Information for "Silence is true wisdom's best reply."|frag. 977]] (tr. Christopher Collard and Martin Cropp, [[w:LoeB Classical Library|L504]])<!--cf. [[Honoré Gabriel Riqueti, comte de Mirabeau#Attributed|Mirabeau]]--> **: For silence is true wisdom's best reply. (tr. R. B. Appleton, 1927)<!--''Euripides the Idealist'' (London: J. M. Dent, 1927), p. 194--> {{Disputed begin}} == Disputed == * Σοφὸς ἦν τις, ὃς τὸ θεῖον εἰσηγήσατο. ** '''I maintain, <br> Some shrewd man first, a man in counsel wise,<br>Discovered unto men the fear of Gods,<br>Thereby to frighten sinners should they sin <br>E'en secretly in deed, or word, or thought.''' ** [[w:Sisyphus fragment|Sisyphus fragment]], in [[Sextus Empiricus]], ''Against the Physicists'', bk. 1 sec. 54 (tr. R. G. Bury, [[w:Loeb Classical Library|L311]])<!--Revised by J. Garrett: "I think, / Some shrewd man first, a man in judgment wise, / Found for mortals the fear of gods, / Thereby to frighten the wicked should they / Even act or speak or scheme in secret."--> **: He was a wise man who originated the idea of God. (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--p. 478-->) * Most cunning doctrine did he introduce,<br>The truth concealing under speech untrue.<br>The place he spoke of as the God's abode<br>Was that whereby he could affright men most,—<br>The place from which, he knew, both terrors came<br>And easements unto men of toilsome life—<br>To wit the vault above, wherein do dwell<br>The lightnings, he beheld, and awesome claps<br>Of thunder, and the starry face of heaven,<br>Fair-spangled by that cunning craftsman Time,—<br>Whence, too, the meteor's glowing mass doth speed<br>And liquid rain descends upon the earth. ** Sisyphus fragment (tr. R. G. Bury, L311)<!--Revised by J. Garrett: The sweetest teaching did he introduce, / Concealing truth under untrue speech. / The place he spoke of as the gods' abode<br>Was that by which he might awe humans most, — / The place from which, he knew, terrors came to mortals / And things advantageous in their wearisome life — / The revolving heaven above, in which dwell / The lightnings, and awesome claps / Of thunder, and the starry face of heaven, / Beautiful and intricate by that wise craftsman Time, — / From which, too, the meteor's glowing mass speeds / And wet thunderstorm pours forth upon the earth.--> * I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right. ** Supposedly in ''The Suppliants'' [https://archive.org/search?query=%22shall+find+scholars+later+to+demonstrate%22&sin=TXT&sort=date] ** Also attributed to [[Frederick the Great]] of Prussia {{Disputed end}} {{Misattributed begin}} == Misattributed == * Account no man happy till he dies. ** [[Sophocles]], ''Oedipus Rex'' l. 1529 ** Cf. [[Herodotus]], bk. 1 ch. 32: But refrain from calling him fortunate before he dies; call him lucky. (tr. A. D. Godley, 1920) * Circumstances rule men and not men circumstances. ** [[Herodotus]], Book 7, Ch. 49; Misattributed to Euripides in "The Imperial Four" by Professor Creasy in ''Bentley's Miscellany'' Vol. 33 (January 1853), p. 22 ** Variant translation: Circumstances rule men; men do not rule circumstances. * Those whom the gods wish to destroy they first make mad. ** Anonymous ancient proverb, wrongly attributed to Euripides. The version here is quoted as a "heathen proverb" in ''Daniel, a Model for Young Men'' (1854) by William Anderson Scott. The origin of the misattribution to Euripides is unknown. Several variants are quoted in ancient texts, as follows. ** Variants and derived paraphrases: *** For cunningly of old <br>was the celebrated saying revealed: <br>evil sometimes seems good <br>to a man whose mind <br>a god leads to destruction. **** Sophocles, ''Antigone'' 620-3, a play pre-dating any of Euripides' surviving plays. An ancient commentary explains the passage as a paraphrase of the following, from another, earlier poet. *** When a god plans harm against a man, <br> he first damages the mind of the man he is plotting against. **** Quoted in the ''scholia vetera'' to Sophocles' ''Antigone'' 620ff., without attribution. The meter (iambic trimeter) suggests that the source of the quotation is a tragic play. *** For whenever the anger of divine spirits harms someone, <br>it first does this: it steals away his mind <br>and good sense, and turns his thought to foolishness,''' <br>so that he should know nothing of his mistakes. **** Attributed to "some of the old poets" by [[w:Lycurgus of Athens|Lycurgus of Athens]] in his ''Oratio In Leocratem'' [''Oration Against Leocrates''], section 92. Again, the meter suggests that the source is a tragic play. These lines are misattributed to the much earlier semi-mythical statesman [[w:Lycurgus of Sparta|Lycurgus of Sparta]] in a footnote of recent editions of ''[[w:Bartlett's Familiar Quotations|Bartlett's Familiar Quotations]]'' and other works. *** The gods do nothing until they have blinded the minds of the wicked. **** Variant in ''''Dictionary of Quotations (Classical)'' (1906), compiled by Thomas Benfield Harbottle, p. 433. *** Whom Fortune wishes to destroy she first makes mad.''' **** [[Publilius Syrus]], Maxim 911 *** The devil when he purports any evil against man, first perverts his mind. **** As quoted by [[w:Athenagoras of Athens|Athenagoras of Athens]] in ''Legatio Pro Christianis''. *** ''quem Iuppiter vult perdere, dementat prius.'' **** "Whom Jupiter wishes to destroy, he first sends mad"; neo-Latin version. Similar wording is found in [[w:James Duport|James Duport]]'s ''Homeri Gnomologia'' (1660), p. 234. "A maxim of obscure origin which may have been invented in Cambridge about 1640" -- Taylor, ''The Proverb'' (1931). Probably a variant of the line "He whom the gods love dies young", derived from [[Menander]]'s play ''The Double Deceiver'' via [[Plautus]] (''Bacchides'' 816-7). *** ''quem'' (or ''quos'') ''Deus perdere vult, dementat prius.'' **** Whom God wishes to destroy, he first sends mad. *** '''Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad.''' **** This variant is spoken by [[w:Prometheus|Prometheus]], in ''The Masque of Pandora'' (1875) by [[Henry Wadsworth Longfellow]] *** Those whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad. **** As quoted in ''George Fox Interpreted: The Religion, Revelations, Motives and Mission of George Fox'' (1881) by Thomas Ellwood Longshore, p. 154 *** Those whom God wishes to destroy, he first makes mad. **** As quoted in ''[[w:Bartlett's Familiar Quotations|Bartlett's Familiar Quotations]]'' 16th edition (1992) *** Nor do the gods appear in warrior's armour clad <br> To strike them down with sword and spear <br> Those whom they would destroy <br> They first make mad. **** Bhartṛhari, 7th c. AD; as quoted in John Brough, ''Poems from the Sanskrit'', (1968), p, 67 *** ''vināśakāle viparītabuddhiḥ'' **** Sanskrit Saying (also in ''Jatak katha''): "When a man is to be destroyed, his intelligence becomes self-destructive." ** Modern derivatives: The proverb's meaning is changed in many English versions from the 20th and 21st centuries that start with the proverb's first half (through "they") and then end with a phrase that replaces "first make mad" or "make mad." Such versions can be found at Internet search engines by using either of the two keyword phrases that are on Page 2 and Page 4 of the webpage "[http://www.bu.edu/av/celop2/not_ESL/pick_any_wrong_card.pdf Pick any Wrong Card]." The rest of that webpage is frameworks that induce a reader to compose new variations on this proverb. {{Misattributed end}} == Quotes about Euripides == * [[Sophocles]] said that he drew men as they ought to be; Euripides, as they are. ** [[Aristotle]], ''Poetics'', ch. 25 (trans. S. H. Butcher) * I could not bear Euripides at college. I now read my recantation. He has faults undoubtedly. But what a poet! The [[w:Medea (play)|Medea]], the [[w:Alcestis (play)|Alcestis]], the [[w:The Trojan Women|Troades]], the [[w:The Bacchae|Bacchæ]], are alone sufficient to place him in the very first rank. ** [[Thomas Babington Macaulay]] to Thomas Flower Ellis (8 February 1835), quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 431 * The [[w:Orestes (play)|Orestes]] is one of the very finest plays in the Greek language. Among those of Euripides, I should place it next to the Medea and the Bacchæ. It has some very real faults; but it possesses that strong human interest which neither [[Aeschylus|Æschylus]] nor [[Sophocles]],—poets in many respects far superior to Euripides,—ever gave to their dramas. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 474 * The Bacchæ is a most glorious play. I doubt whether it be not superior to the Medea. It is often very obscure; and I am not sure that I fully understand its general scope. But, as a piece of language, it is hardly equalled in the world. And, whether it was intended to encourage or to discourage fanaticism, the picture of fanatical excitement which it exhibits has never been rivalled. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), pp. 474-475 == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{Commonscat|Euripides}} {{wikisource author|Euripides}} * {{gutenberg author| id=Euripides | name=Euripides}} * [http://www.fordham.edu/halsall/ancient/eb11-euripides.html Article in ''Encyclopaedia Britannica'' (11th edition) at Fordham University] * [http://www.perseus.tufts.edu/cgi-bin/vor?x=0&y=0&lookup=Euripides Euripides-related materials at the Perseus Digital Library] * [http://www.theatrehistory.com/ancient/euripides001.html "Euripedes and His Tragedies" at TheatreHistory.com] * [http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0262381/ IMDBs List of movies based on Euripides plays] * [https://www.ellopos.net/elpenor/greek-texts/ancient-greece/euripides.asp Euripides Resources] {{DEFAULTSORT:Euripides}} [[Category:Poets from Greece]] [[Category:Playwrights from Greece]] [[Category:BCE births]] [[Category:BCE deaths]] [[Category:People from Athens]] ck58dmjkgczhjtdi7g1rglb1ag8ni0l 3778950 3778949 2025-07-15T00:41:07Z Ficaia 3085955 /* Fragments */ 3778950 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Euripides Pio-Clementino Inv302.jpg|thumb|right|In case of dissension, never dare to judge till you've heard the other side.]] '''[[w:Euripides|Euripides]]''' (Greek: Εὐριπίδης; c. [[480 BC]]–[[406 BC]]) was a [[:Category:Authors|Greek playwright]]. == Quotes == * ἁγὼ οὔτινι θύω πλὴν ἐμοὶ, θεοῖσι δ᾽ οὔ, <br/> καὶ τῇ μεγίστῃ γαστρὶ τῇδε δαιμόνων. ** I sacrifice to no god save myself — <br/> And to my belly, greatest of deities. ** [[w:Cyclops (play)|''Cyclops'']] (''c''. 424-23 BC) l. 334 (ed. [[w:Burton Egbert Stevenson|B. E. Stevenson]], 1948<!--''The Home Book of Proverbs, Maxims and Familiar Phrases'' (New York: Macmillan Co., 1948) p. 165-->) **: To what other God but to myself <br/> And this great belly, first of deities, <br/> Should I be bound to sacrifice? <br/> (tr. [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|P. B. Shelley]], wr. 1819; pub. 1824) * I care for riches, to make gifts <br> To friends, or lead a sick man back to health<br> With ease and plenty. Else small aid is wealth <br> For daily gladness; once a man be done <br> With hunger, rich and poor are all as one. ** [[w:Electra (Euripides play)|''Electra'']] (413 BC) l. ? (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1906)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed. 1968--> * On behalf of all those dead<br>who learned their hatred of women long ago,<br>for those who hate them now, for those unborn<br>who shall live to hate them yet, I now declare<br>my firm conviction: neither earth nor ocean<br>produces a creature as savage and monstrous<br>as woman. ** [[w:Hecuba (play)|''Hecuba'']] (424 BC), ll. 1177-1182 (tr. William Arrowsmith, 1956<!--'''Euripides III'' (University of Chicago Press, 1956)-->) **: Let me tell you, if anyone in the past has spoken<br>ill of women, or speaks so now or will speak so<br>in the future, I’ll sum it up for him: Neither sea<br>nor land has ever produced a more monstrous<br>creature than woman.<br>(tr. Jay Kardan and Laura-Gray Street, 2011, in ''Didaskalia'', [https://didaskalia.net/issues/8/32/ vol. 8 no. 32]) * λόγος γάρ ἐστιν οὐκ ἐμός, σοφὸν δ᾽ ἔπος,<br>δεινῆς ἀνάγκης οὐδὲν ἰσχύειν πλέον. ** '''Nothing has more strength than dire necessity.''' ** [[w:Helen (play)|''Helen'']] (412 BC), l. 510 (tr. Richmond Lattimore, 1956), quoting "a saying" * Man's most valuable trait<br>is a judicious sense of what not to believe. ** ''Helen'', ll. 1617-1618 (tr. Richmond Lattimore, 1956) **: There is naught more serviceable to mankind than a prudent distrust. (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891)<!--''The Plays of Euripides'' (London: George Bell & Sons, 1891), 2 vols.--><!--Unsourced: "Nothing is more useful to mankind than a prudent distrust."--> * Who can decide a plea or judge a speech until he has heard plainly from both sides? ** [[w:Children of Heracles|''Heraclidæ'']] (''c''. 428 BC), [https://www.perseus.tufts.edu/hopper/text?doc=Perseus%3Atext%3A1999.01.0104%3Acard%3D134 ll. 179-180] (tr. David Kovacs), quoted by [[Aristophanes]] in ''The Wasps'' **: In case of dissension, never dare to judge till you've heard the other side. —''Forbes'', vol. 86 no. 10 (15 Nov. 1960) p. 70 * '''Leave no stone unturned.''' ** ''Heraclidæ'' (''c''. 428 BC), l. 1002 (''Bartlett's'', 1892)<!--cf. [[Samuel Butler (poet)|Butler]], ''Hudibras''--> * '''Ares hates those who hesitate.''' ** ''Heraclidæ'' (''c''. 428 BC), l. 722 (ed. H. L. Mencken, 1942, '60)<!--H. L. Mencken, ''A New Dictionary of Quotations on Historical Principles'' (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1942; 1960)--> **: Ares hates the sluggard most of all. (tr. David Kovacs) * Yet do I hold that mortal foolish who strives against the stress of necessity. ** [[w:Herakles (Euripides)|''Hercules Furens'']], l. 281 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * O lady, nobility is thine, and thy form is the reflection of thy nature! ** [[w:Ion (play)|''Ion'']]<!--"Gon."--> (''c''. 421-408 BC) l. 238 (tr. E. F. Burr, 1880)<!--''Dio, the Athenian; or, From Olympus to Calvary'' (New York: Phillips & Hunt, 1880, ch. 17 epigraph (p. 385); also in J. K. Hoyt and Anna L. Ward, ''The Cyclopædia of Practical Quotations'' (New York: I. K. Funk & Co., 1882), p. 290--> * Authority is never without hate. ** ''Ion'' (c. 421-408 BC) l. ? (tr. Ronald F. Willetts, 1958) * Thou didst bring me forth for all the Greeks in common, not for thyself alone. ** [[w:Iphigenia in Aulis|''Iphigenia in Aulis'']], l. 1386 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * '''A coward turns away, but a brave man's choice is danger.''' ** [[w:Iphigenia in Tauris|''Iphigenia in Tauris'']] (''c''. 412 BC) l. 114 (tr. Richmond Lattimore, 1956) * '''There is in the worst of fortune the best of chances for a happy change.''' ** ''Iphigenia in Tauris'' (''c''. 412 BC) l. 721 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * '''Slight not what's near through aiming at what's far.''' ** [[w:Rhesus (play)|''Rhesus'']] (''c''. 435 BC) l. 482 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * '''For naught is there more sweet unto an aged sire than a daughter's love.''' ** [[w:The Suppliants (Euripides)|''The Suppliants'']] (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891)<!--Unsourced: '''For nothing is there more sweet unto an aged father than a daughter'''--> * Naught is more hostile to a city than a despot; where he is, there are in the first place no laws common to all, but one man is tyrant, in whose keeping and in his alone the law resides, and in that case equality is at an end. ** ''The Suppliants'' (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891) * '''Helen''': What happened in my heart, to make me leave my home<br />And my own land, to follow where a stranger led?<br />Rail at the goddess; be more resolute than Zeus,<br />Who holds power over all other divinities<br />But is himself the slave of love. Show Aphrodite<br />Your indignation; me, pardon and sympathy.<br />'''Hecabe''': No; Paris was an extremely handsome man – one look,<br />And your appetite became your Aphrodite. Why,<br />Men's lawless lusts are all called love – it's a confusion<br />Easily made. ** ''[[w:The Trojan Women|Troades]]'' (c. 415 BC), ll. 946–950 and 987–990 (tr. Philip Vellacott, 1954) === ''[[w:Alcestis|Alcestis]]'' (438 BC) === * Never say that marriage has more of joy than pain. ** l. 238 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1960) * A second wife <br> is hateful to the children of the first, <br> a viper is not more hateful. ** l. 309 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) * '''Oh, if I had [[w:Orpheus|Orpheus]]' voice and poetry <br>with which to move the Dark Maid and her Lord, <br>I'd call you back, dear love, from the world below.''' <br>I'd go down there for you. Charôn or the grim <br>King's dog could not prevent me then <br>from carrying you up into the fields of light. ** l. 358 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) * Κούφα σοι χθὼν ἐπάνωθε πέσοι. ** Light be the earth upon you, lightly rest. ** l. 462 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960)<!--Thus petitions the Chorus over the dead body of the heroine, untimely rapt away. Cf. [[Martial]], 9, 30, 11: ''Sit tibi terra levis'' (abbrev. ''S.T.T.L.'')—"May earth lie light upon thee." Common funeral inscription. [[Ovid]], in the same spirit, prays for the repose of [[Tibullus]], ''Amores, 3, 9, 67), ''Ossa quieta precor tuta requiescite in urna, / Et sit humus cineri non onerosa tuo.''—"Inurned in peace, may thy bones rest, I pray; / And on thy ashes earth no burden lay." —''Classical and Foreign Quotations'' (1904) no. 2578--> * Old men's prayers for death are lying prayers, in which they abuse old age and long extent of life. But when death draws near, not one is willing to die, and age no longer is a burden to them. ** l. 669 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Dishonour will not trouble me, once I am dead. ** l. 726 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) * No one can confidently say that he will still be living tomorrow. ** ll. 783-4 (tr. Robert and Mary Collison, 1980)<!--''Dictionary of Foreign Quotations'' (New York: Facts on File, 1980) p. 114--> * Today's today. Tomorrow we may be<br>Ourselves gone down the drain of Eternity. ** l. 788 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) * '''I have found power in the mysteries of thought, <br> Exaltation in the changing of the Muses; <br> I have been versed in the reasonings of men; <br> But Fate is stronger than anything I have known.''' ** l. 962 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) * Time cancels young pain. ** l. 1085 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) === ''[[w:Medea (play)|Medea]]'' (431 BC) === * Of all things upon earth that bleed and grow,<br />'''A herb most bruised is [[woman]].''' ** Lines 230–231 (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1912) * The fountains of sacred rivers flow upwards. ** Line 409 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--p. 468-->) * The gifts of a bad man bring no good with them. ** Line 618 (''Bartlett's'', 1892)<!--Other translations: (1) ''The Hecuba, Orestes, Phœnician Virgins, and Medea, of Euripides; Literally Translated into English Prose, from the Text of Porson'' (Oxford: for D. A. Talboys, 1820), p. 214: "For the gifts of a bad man bring no assistance." (2) T. W. C. Edwards, ''The Medea, Literally Translated into English Prose, from the Text of Porson'' (London: Simpkin, Marshall, and Co., 1840: "For the gifts of a bad man have no avail."--> * Moderation, the noblest gift of Heaven. ** Line 636 (tr. [[Georgiana Chatterton]], 1863)<!--''The Heiress and Her Lovers'' (London: Richard Bentley, 1863), vol. 2 (front matter); cited in ''Bartlett's'', 1892--> * Of troubles none is greater than to be robbed of one’s native land. ** Line 653 (tr. David Kovacs) **: For nothing is like the sorrow or supersedes the sadness of losing your native land. (tr. [[w:Paul Roche|Paul Roche]], 1974) * πείθειν δῶρα καὶ θεοὺς λόγος ** It is said that gifts persuade even the gods. ** Line 964 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--W. Gurney Benham, ''A Book of Quotations'' (1907), p. 470-->)<!--also in ''Hoyt's'' (1922), p. 311--> * I know, indeed, the evil of that I purpose; but my inclination gets the better of my judgment. ** Line 1078 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * χαλεπὰ γὰρ βροτοῖς ὁμογενῆ μιά-<br>σματ᾽, ἕπεται δ᾽ ἅμ᾽ αὐτοφόνταις ξυνῳ-<br>δὰ θεόθεν πίτνοντ᾽ ἐπὶ δόμοις ἄχη. ** Grievous for mortals is the stain of kindred blood. For the murderers are dogged by woes harmonious with their deeds, sent by the gods upon their houses. ** Lines 1268-1270 (tr. David Kovacs) === ''[[w:Hippolytus (play)|Hippolytus]]'' (428 BC) === [[File:Death Hippolytus Lemoyne Louvre MR2026.jpg|thumb|right|There is one thing alone that stands the brunt of life throughout its course: a quiet conscience.]] * μόνον δὲ τοῦτό φασ᾽ ἁμιλλᾶσθαι βίῳ,<br>γνώμην δικαίαν κἀγαθήν ὅτῳ παρῇ ** Only one thing, they say, competes in value with life, the possession of a heart blameless and good. ** ll. 426-427 (tr. David Kovacs) * In this world second thoughts, it seems, are best. ** l. 435<!--or: 438--> (tr. [[w:David Grene|David Grene]], 1942<!--''Three Greek Tragedies in Translation'' (University of Chicago Press, 1942), p. 188-->) **: Among mortals second thoughts are the wisest. (tr. [[w:Theodore Alois Buckley|T. A. W. Buckley]], 1850<!--''The Tragedies of Euripides (Henry G. Bohn, 1850), 2 vols.-->) <br> Second thoughts are ever wiser. (''Bartlett's'', 1892) <br> Among mortals second thoughts are wisest. (''Hoyt's'', 1882<!--p. 419-->) * ἡ γλῶσσ᾽ ὀμώμοχ᾽, ἡ δὲ φρὴν ἀνώμοτος ** 'Twas but my tongue, 'twas not my soul that swore. ** l. 612 (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1902) **: My tongue swore, but my mind was still unpledged. (tr. David Grene, 1942) * '''The credit we get for wisdom is measured by our success.''' ** l. 701 (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891) === ''[[w:Orestes (play)|Orestes]]'' (408 BC) === [[File:Orestes Pursued by the Furies by William-Adolphe Bouguereau (1862) - Google Art Project.jpg |thumb|right|''The Remorse of Orestes'' by William-Adolphe Bouguereau]] * '''Love is all we have, the only way that each can help the other.''' ** l. 298 (tr. [[w:William Arrowsmith|William Arrowsmith]], 1958<!--''Euripides IV'' (University of Chicago Press, 1958)-->) * Ὅταν γὰρ ἡδὺς τοῖς λόγοις, φρονῶν κακῶς <br> πείθῃ τὸ πλῆθος, τῇ πόλει κακὸν μέγα. ** When one with honeyed words but evil mind<br> Persuades the mob, great woes befall the state. ** l. 907 (''Harbottle's'', 1897<!--p. 447-->) === ''[[w:The Phoenician Women|The Phoenician Women]]''<!--c. 411-409 BC?--> === * ἓν μὲν μέγιστον, οὐκ ἔχει παρρησίαν. * But this is slavery, not to speak one’s thought. ** Line 392, Jocasta (tr. Elizabeth Wyckoff, 1958<!--''Euripides IV'' (University of Chicago Press, 1958) p. 472-->) **: Who dares not speak his free thoughts is a slave. (tr. [[w:Robert Potter (translator)|R. Potter]], 1823<!--''The Tragedies of Euripides'' (Oxford: W. Baxter, 1823), 2 vols.-->) * ἁπλοῦς ὁ μῦθος τῆς ἀληθείας ἔφυ, <br> κοὐ ποικίλων δεῖ τἄνδιχ᾽ ἑρμηνευμάτων ** The words of truth are simple, and justice needs no subtle interpretations, for it hath a fitness in itself. ** Lines 469–470 (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891<!--Revised by George Panagiotou: "The words of truth are naturally simple, and justice needs no subtle interpretations, for it has a fitness in itself."-->) === ''[[w:The Bacchae|The Bacchae]]'' (405 BC) === [[File:Euripides altes Museum.jpg|thumb|right|Humility, a sense of reverence before the sons of heaven — of all the prizes that a mortal man might win, these, I say, are wisest; these are best.]] * But cleverness is not wisdom, nor is the thinking on things unfit for mortals. ** Line 395 (tr. [[w:Theodore Alois Buckley|T. A. W. Buckley]], 1850)<!--Unsourced: "Cleverness is not wisdom. And not to think mortal thoughts is to see few days."--> * '''Dionysus''': He who believes needs no explanation.<br /> '''Pentheus''': What's the worth in believing worthless things? <br />'''Dionysus''': Much worth, but not worth telling you, it seems. ** Line 472 (tr. [[w:Colin Teevan|Colin Teevan]], 2002) * '''Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.''' ** Lines 479-480 (tr. William Arrowsmith, 1958) **: To the fool, he who speaks wisdom will sound foolish. (''Bartlett's'', 13th ed. 1955) **: He were a fool, methinks, who would utter wisdom to a fool. (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891) **: Wise words being brought to blinded eyes will seem as things of nought. (tr. [[Gilbert Murray]], 1902) * '''Slow but sure moves the might of the gods.''' ** Line 882 (''Bartlett's'', 14th ed. 1968) **: Slowly but surely withal moveth the might of the gods. (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed. 1892) * χρηστοῖσι δούλοις συμφορὰ τὰ δεσποτῶν. ** The misfortunes of their masters are a concern to good servants. ** Line 1028 (tr. [[w:Theodore Alois Buckley|T. A. W. Buckley]], 1850)<!--Unsourced translation: "Good slaves [are affected by] the adversities of their masters."--> note: the original sentence does not contain any verb * '''Humility, a sense of reverence before the sons of heaven — of all the prizes that a mortal man might win, these, I say, are wisest; these are best.''' ** Line 1150 (tr. William Arrowsmith, 1958) === Fragments === * '''The company of just and righteous men is better than wealth and a rich estate.''' ** ''Ægeus'', frag. 7 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed. 1892) * κακὸν γυναῖκα πρὸς νέαν ζεῦξαι νέον· <br> μακρὰ γὰρ ἰσχὺς μᾶλλον ἀρσένων μένει, <br> θήλεια δ' ἥβη θᾶσσον ἐκλείπει δέμας. ** To mate a youth with a young wife is ill; <br> Seeing a man's strength lasteth, while the bloom <br> Of beauty quickly leaves a woman's form. ** ''Æolus'', frag. 22 (tr. J. A. Symonds, 1879<!--''Studies of the Greek Poets'', 2nd ser. (2nd ed. 1879) p. 289 note-->) * A bad beginning makes a bad ending. ** ''Æolus'', frag. 32 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * '''Time will explain it all.''' He is a talker, and needs no questioning before he speaks. ** ''Æolus'', frag. 38 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Φεῦ φεῦ, παλαιὸς αἶνος ὡς καλῶς ἔχει· <br> γέροντες οὐδέν ἐσμεν ἄλλο πλὴν ψόφος <br> καὶ σχῆμ', ὀνείρων δ᾽ ἕρπομεν μιμήματα· <br> νοῦς δ᾽ οὐκ ἔνεστιν, οἰόμεσθα δ᾽ εὐ φρονεῖν. ** Alas, how right the ancient saying is: <br> We, who are old, are nothing else but noise <br> And shape. Like mimicries of dreams we go, <br> And have no wits, although we think us wise. ** ''Æolus'', frag. (tr. [[Maurice Bowra|C. M. Bowra]], 1938<!--''Oxford Book of Greek Verse in Translation'' (1938) no. 389-->)<!--Greek: ''Tragicorum Graecorum Fragmenta'', ed. A. Nauck, p. 370, no. 2--> * The nobly born must nobly meet his fate. ** ''Alcmene'', frag. 100 (''Bartlett's'', 1892)<!--''Noblesse oblige''. — Bohn: ''Foreign Proverbs''--> * Waste not fresh tears over old griefs. ** ''Alexander'', frag. 44 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Ἡδύ τοι σωθέντα μεμνῆσθαι πόνων. ** Sweet is the remembrance of troubles when you are in safety. ** ''Andromeda'', frag. 10, l. 2 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--p. 472-->) * ὅσοι γὰρ εἰς ἔρωτα πίπτουσιν βροτῶν <br> ἐσθλῶν ὅταν τύχωσι τῶν ἐρωμένων <br> οὐκ ἔσθ' ὁποίας λείπεται τῆς ἡδονῆς. ** When it befalls poor mortal men to love, <br> Should they find worthy objects for their loving, <br> Then is there nothing left of joy to long for. ** ''Andromeda'', frag. 147 (tr. J. A. Symonds, 1879) * Woman is woman's natural ally. ** ''Alope'', frag. 109 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Man's best possession is a sympathetic wife. ** ''Antigone'', frag. 164 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Ignorance of one's misfortunes is clear gain. ** ''Antiope'', frag. 204 (''Bartlett's'', 1892); cf. [[William Davenant|Davenant]] [[File:Ватикан. Еврипид (Euripide) с актерской маской (ант.статуя) ~1859г 2640.jpg|thumb|right|Events will take their course, it is no good of being angry at them; he is happiest who wisely turns them to the best account.]] * '''Events will take their course, it is no good of being angry at them; he is happiest who wisely turns them to the best account.''' ** [[w:Bellerophon (play)|''Bellerophon'']], frag. 298, in [[Plutarch]], ''Moralia'', "De tranquillitate animi" (tr. [[w:Arthur Richard Shilleto|A. R. Shilleto]], 1888)<!--''Plutarch's Morals: Ethical Essays'' (1888) p. 293--> * Φησίν τις εἶναι δῆτ᾽ ἐν οὐρανῷ θεούς; <br> οὐκ εἰσίν, οὐκ εἴσ᾽, εἴ τις ἀνθρώπων θέλει <br> μὴ τῷ παλαιῷ μῶρος ὢν χρῆσθαι λόγῳ. <br> σκέψασθε δ᾽ αὐτοί, μὴ ἐπὶ τοῖς ἐμοῖς λόγοις <br> γνώμην ἔχοντες. φήμ᾽ ἐγὼ τυραννίδα <br> κτείνειν τε πλείστους κτημάτων τ᾿ ἀποστερεῖν <br> ὅρκους τε παραβαίνοντας ἐκπορθεῖν πόλεις· <br> καὶ ταῦτα δρῶντες μᾶλλόν εἰσ᾽ εὐδαίμονες. <br> τῶν εὐσεβούντων ἡσυχῇ καθ᾽ ἡμέραν. <br> πόλεις τε μικρὰς οἶδα τιμώσας θεούς, <br> αἳ μειζόνων κλύουσι δυσσεβεστέρων <br> λόγχης ἀριθμῷ πλείονος κρατούμεναι. <br> οἶμαι δ᾽ ἂν ὑμᾶς, εἴ τις ἀργὸς ὢν θεοῖς <br> εὔχοιτο καὶ μὴ χειρὶ συλλέγοι βίον, <br> μαθεῖν ἂν ὡς οὐκ εἰσίν. αἱ δ᾽ εὐπραξίαι <br> τὰ θεῖα πυργοῦσ᾽ αἱ κακαί τε συμφοραί. ** '''Doth some one say that there be gods above? <br/>There are not; no, there are not. Let no fool, <br/>Led by the old false fable, thus deceive you.''' <br/>Look at the facts themselves, yielding my words <br/>No undue credence: for I say that kings <br/>Kill, rob, break oaths, lay cities waste by fraud, <br/>And doing thus are happier than those <br/>Who live calm pious lives day after day. <br> How many little States that serve the gods <br> Are subject to the godless but more strong, <br> Made slaves by might of a superior army! <br> And you, if any ceased from work and prayed <br> To gods, nor gathered in his livelihood, <br> Would learn gods are not. All Divinity <br> Is built-up from our good and evil luck. ** ''Bellerophon'', frag. (tr. [[John Addington Symonds|J. A. Symonds]], 1879; rev. [[Maurice Bowra|C. M. Bowra]], 1938<!--First 11 lines by Symonds, ''Studies of the Greek Poets'', 2nd ser. (2nd ed. 1879) p. 294; completed by Bowra, ''OBGVT'' (1938) no. 391. Greek: ''TGF'', p. 445, no. 286-->) * Toil, says the proverb, is the sire of fame. ** ''Licymnius'', frag. 477 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * A bad ending follows a bad beginning. ** ''Melanippe the Wise'', frag. (tr. E. F. Burr, 1880<!--''Dio, the Athenian'' (1880) ch. 15 (p. 370)-->)<!--Unsourced variant: "A bad beginning makes a bad ending."--> [[File:Seated Euripides Louvre Ma343.jpg|thumb|right|When good men die their goodness does not perish, but lives though they are gone. As for the bad, all that was theirs dies and is buried with them.]] * '''Cowards do not count in battle; they are there, but not in it.''' ** ''Meleager'' frag. 523 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * A woman should be good for everything at home, but abroad good for nothing. ** ''Meleager'', frag. 525 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Silver and gold are not the only coin; virtue too passes current all over the world. ** ''Œdipus'', frag. 546 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Every man is like the company he is wont to keep. ** ''Phœnix'', frag. 812<!--or: 809--> (''Bartlett's'', 1892)<!--Unsourced variant: "He is like the very men whose company he enjoys."--> * Ὦ φιλόζωοι βροτοὶ,<br/>οἱ τὴν ἐπιστείχουσαν ἡμέραν ἰδεῖν<br/>οὕτως ἔρως βροτοῖσιν ἐγκεῖται βίου ** O ye life-loving mortals,<br/>Who ever long to see the coming day,<br/>Though ye be weighed down with a thousand sorrows!<br/>So strong the yearning of mankind for life. ** ''Phœnix'', frag. 12 (''Harbottle's'', 1897<!--T. B. Harbottle, [https://archive.org/stream/dictionaryquota04harbgoog#page/n556/mode/2up ''Dictionary of Quotations (Classical)''] (London: Swan Sonnenschein & Co., Ltd., 1897) p. 538-->) * Τίς δ᾽ οἶδεν εἰ ζῆν τοῦθ᾽ ὁ κέκληται θανεῖν, <br> τὸ ζῆν δὲ θνῄσκειν ἐστί ** Who knows but life be that which men call death, <br> And death what men call life? ** ''Phrixus'', frag. 830 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) **: Who knows if that be life which we call death,<br>And life be dying? (tr. J. A. Symonds, 1879) * Whoso neglects learning in his youth, loses the past and is dead for the future. ** ''Phrixus'', frag. 927 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * The gods visit the sins of the fathers upon the children. ** ''Phrixus'', frag. 970 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Πᾶσιν γὰρ εὖ φρονοῦσι συμμαχεῖ τύχη. ** '''For chance fights ever on the side of the prudent.''' ** ''Pirithous'', adapted (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--p. 477-->) * "Η τοῖσιν εὐφρονοῦσι συμμαχεῖ τύχη. ** Fortune truly helps those who are of good judgement. ** ''Pirithous'' (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--p. 781 note-->) * Where two discourse, if the one's anger rise, <br> The man who lets the contest fall is wise. ** ''Protesilaus'', frag. 656, in Plutarch, ''Moralia'', "De liberis educandis" (tr. Several Hands, 1684) * '''When good men die their goodness does not perish, <br> But lives though they are gone.''' As for the bad, <br> All that was theirs dies and is buried with them. ** ''Temenidæ'', frag. 734 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * ἡ γὰρ σιωπὴ τοῖς σοφοῖσ<br>ἀπόκρισις. ** Silence is an answer in the eyes of the wise. ** Unidentified play, [[Talk:Euripides#Source Information for "Silence is true wisdom's best reply."|frag. 977]] (tr. Christopher Collard and Martin Cropp, [[w:LoeB Classical Library|L504]])<!--cf. [[Honoré Gabriel Riqueti, comte de Mirabeau#Attributed|Mirabeau]]--> **: For silence is true wisdom's best reply. (tr. R. B. Appleton, 1927)<!--''Euripides the Idealist'' (London: J. M. Dent, 1927), p. 194--> {{Disputed begin}} == Disputed == * Σοφὸς ἦν τις, ὃς τὸ θεῖον εἰσηγήσατο. ** '''I maintain, <br> Some shrewd man first, a man in counsel wise,<br>Discovered unto men the fear of Gods,<br>Thereby to frighten sinners should they sin <br>E'en secretly in deed, or word, or thought.''' ** [[w:Sisyphus fragment|Sisyphus fragment]], in [[Sextus Empiricus]], ''Against the Physicists'', bk. 1 sec. 54 (tr. R. G. Bury, [[w:Loeb Classical Library|L311]])<!--Revised by J. Garrett: "I think, / Some shrewd man first, a man in judgment wise, / Found for mortals the fear of gods, / Thereby to frighten the wicked should they / Even act or speak or scheme in secret."--> **: He was a wise man who originated the idea of God. (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--p. 478-->) * Most cunning doctrine did he introduce,<br>The truth concealing under speech untrue.<br>The place he spoke of as the God's abode<br>Was that whereby he could affright men most,—<br>The place from which, he knew, both terrors came<br>And easements unto men of toilsome life—<br>To wit the vault above, wherein do dwell<br>The lightnings, he beheld, and awesome claps<br>Of thunder, and the starry face of heaven,<br>Fair-spangled by that cunning craftsman Time,—<br>Whence, too, the meteor's glowing mass doth speed<br>And liquid rain descends upon the earth. ** Sisyphus fragment (tr. R. G. Bury, L311)<!--Revised by J. Garrett: The sweetest teaching did he introduce, / Concealing truth under untrue speech. / The place he spoke of as the gods' abode<br>Was that by which he might awe humans most, — / The place from which, he knew, terrors came to mortals / And things advantageous in their wearisome life — / The revolving heaven above, in which dwell / The lightnings, and awesome claps / Of thunder, and the starry face of heaven, / Beautiful and intricate by that wise craftsman Time, — / From which, too, the meteor's glowing mass speeds / And wet thunderstorm pours forth upon the earth.--> * I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right. ** Supposedly in ''The Suppliants'' [https://archive.org/search?query=%22shall+find+scholars+later+to+demonstrate%22&sin=TXT&sort=date] ** Also attributed to [[Frederick the Great]] of Prussia {{Disputed end}} {{Misattributed begin}} == Misattributed == * Account no man happy till he dies. ** [[Sophocles]], ''Oedipus Rex'' l. 1529 ** Cf. [[Herodotus]], bk. 1 ch. 32: But refrain from calling him fortunate before he dies; call him lucky. (tr. A. D. Godley, 1920) * Circumstances rule men and not men circumstances. ** [[Herodotus]], Book 7, Ch. 49; Misattributed to Euripides in "The Imperial Four" by Professor Creasy in ''Bentley's Miscellany'' Vol. 33 (January 1853), p. 22 ** Variant translation: Circumstances rule men; men do not rule circumstances. * Those whom the gods wish to destroy they first make mad. ** Anonymous ancient proverb, wrongly attributed to Euripides. The version here is quoted as a "heathen proverb" in ''Daniel, a Model for Young Men'' (1854) by William Anderson Scott. The origin of the misattribution to Euripides is unknown. Several variants are quoted in ancient texts, as follows. ** Variants and derived paraphrases: *** For cunningly of old <br>was the celebrated saying revealed: <br>evil sometimes seems good <br>to a man whose mind <br>a god leads to destruction. **** Sophocles, ''Antigone'' 620-3, a play pre-dating any of Euripides' surviving plays. An ancient commentary explains the passage as a paraphrase of the following, from another, earlier poet. *** When a god plans harm against a man, <br> he first damages the mind of the man he is plotting against. **** Quoted in the ''scholia vetera'' to Sophocles' ''Antigone'' 620ff., without attribution. The meter (iambic trimeter) suggests that the source of the quotation is a tragic play. *** For whenever the anger of divine spirits harms someone, <br>it first does this: it steals away his mind <br>and good sense, and turns his thought to foolishness,''' <br>so that he should know nothing of his mistakes. **** Attributed to "some of the old poets" by [[w:Lycurgus of Athens|Lycurgus of Athens]] in his ''Oratio In Leocratem'' [''Oration Against Leocrates''], section 92. Again, the meter suggests that the source is a tragic play. These lines are misattributed to the much earlier semi-mythical statesman [[w:Lycurgus of Sparta|Lycurgus of Sparta]] in a footnote of recent editions of ''[[w:Bartlett's Familiar Quotations|Bartlett's Familiar Quotations]]'' and other works. *** The gods do nothing until they have blinded the minds of the wicked. **** Variant in ''''Dictionary of Quotations (Classical)'' (1906), compiled by Thomas Benfield Harbottle, p. 433. *** Whom Fortune wishes to destroy she first makes mad.''' **** [[Publilius Syrus]], Maxim 911 *** The devil when he purports any evil against man, first perverts his mind. **** As quoted by [[w:Athenagoras of Athens|Athenagoras of Athens]] in ''Legatio Pro Christianis''. *** ''quem Iuppiter vult perdere, dementat prius.'' **** "Whom Jupiter wishes to destroy, he first sends mad"; neo-Latin version. Similar wording is found in [[w:James Duport|James Duport]]'s ''Homeri Gnomologia'' (1660), p. 234. "A maxim of obscure origin which may have been invented in Cambridge about 1640" -- Taylor, ''The Proverb'' (1931). Probably a variant of the line "He whom the gods love dies young", derived from [[Menander]]'s play ''The Double Deceiver'' via [[Plautus]] (''Bacchides'' 816-7). *** ''quem'' (or ''quos'') ''Deus perdere vult, dementat prius.'' **** Whom God wishes to destroy, he first sends mad. *** '''Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad.''' **** This variant is spoken by [[w:Prometheus|Prometheus]], in ''The Masque of Pandora'' (1875) by [[Henry Wadsworth Longfellow]] *** Those whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad. **** As quoted in ''George Fox Interpreted: The Religion, Revelations, Motives and Mission of George Fox'' (1881) by Thomas Ellwood Longshore, p. 154 *** Those whom God wishes to destroy, he first makes mad. **** As quoted in ''[[w:Bartlett's Familiar Quotations|Bartlett's Familiar Quotations]]'' 16th edition (1992) *** Nor do the gods appear in warrior's armour clad <br> To strike them down with sword and spear <br> Those whom they would destroy <br> They first make mad. **** Bhartṛhari, 7th c. AD; as quoted in John Brough, ''Poems from the Sanskrit'', (1968), p, 67 *** ''vināśakāle viparītabuddhiḥ'' **** Sanskrit Saying (also in ''Jatak katha''): "When a man is to be destroyed, his intelligence becomes self-destructive." ** Modern derivatives: The proverb's meaning is changed in many English versions from the 20th and 21st centuries that start with the proverb's first half (through "they") and then end with a phrase that replaces "first make mad" or "make mad." Such versions can be found at Internet search engines by using either of the two keyword phrases that are on Page 2 and Page 4 of the webpage "[http://www.bu.edu/av/celop2/not_ESL/pick_any_wrong_card.pdf Pick any Wrong Card]." The rest of that webpage is frameworks that induce a reader to compose new variations on this proverb. {{Misattributed end}} == Quotes about Euripides == * [[Sophocles]] said that he drew men as they ought to be; Euripides, as they are. ** [[Aristotle]], ''Poetics'', ch. 25 (trans. S. H. Butcher) * I could not bear Euripides at college. I now read my recantation. He has faults undoubtedly. But what a poet! The [[w:Medea (play)|Medea]], the [[w:Alcestis (play)|Alcestis]], the [[w:The Trojan Women|Troades]], the [[w:The Bacchae|Bacchæ]], are alone sufficient to place him in the very first rank. ** [[Thomas Babington Macaulay]] to Thomas Flower Ellis (8 February 1835), quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 431 * The [[w:Orestes (play)|Orestes]] is one of the very finest plays in the Greek language. Among those of Euripides, I should place it next to the Medea and the Bacchæ. It has some very real faults; but it possesses that strong human interest which neither [[Aeschylus|Æschylus]] nor [[Sophocles]],—poets in many respects far superior to Euripides,—ever gave to their dramas. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 474 * The Bacchæ is a most glorious play. I doubt whether it be not superior to the Medea. It is often very obscure; and I am not sure that I fully understand its general scope. But, as a piece of language, it is hardly equalled in the world. And, whether it was intended to encourage or to discourage fanaticism, the picture of fanatical excitement which it exhibits has never been rivalled. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), pp. 474-475 == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{Commonscat|Euripides}} {{wikisource author|Euripides}} * {{gutenberg author| id=Euripides | name=Euripides}} * [http://www.fordham.edu/halsall/ancient/eb11-euripides.html Article in ''Encyclopaedia Britannica'' (11th edition) at Fordham University] * [http://www.perseus.tufts.edu/cgi-bin/vor?x=0&y=0&lookup=Euripides Euripides-related materials at the Perseus Digital Library] * [http://www.theatrehistory.com/ancient/euripides001.html "Euripedes and His Tragedies" at TheatreHistory.com] * [http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0262381/ IMDBs List of movies based on Euripides plays] * [https://www.ellopos.net/elpenor/greek-texts/ancient-greece/euripides.asp Euripides Resources] {{DEFAULTSORT:Euripides}} [[Category:Poets from Greece]] [[Category:Playwrights from Greece]] [[Category:BCE births]] [[Category:BCE deaths]] [[Category:People from Athens]] k1eb235ox4ma6iqk0t2mknuydz9ll9y 3778952 3778950 2025-07-15T00:42:58Z Ficaia 3085955 /* Fragments */ 3778952 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Euripides Pio-Clementino Inv302.jpg|thumb|right|In case of dissension, never dare to judge till you've heard the other side.]] '''[[w:Euripides|Euripides]]''' (Greek: Εὐριπίδης; c. [[480 BC]]–[[406 BC]]) was a [[:Category:Authors|Greek playwright]]. == Quotes == * ἁγὼ οὔτινι θύω πλὴν ἐμοὶ, θεοῖσι δ᾽ οὔ, <br/> καὶ τῇ μεγίστῃ γαστρὶ τῇδε δαιμόνων. ** I sacrifice to no god save myself — <br/> And to my belly, greatest of deities. ** [[w:Cyclops (play)|''Cyclops'']] (''c''. 424-23 BC) l. 334 (ed. [[w:Burton Egbert Stevenson|B. E. Stevenson]], 1948<!--''The Home Book of Proverbs, Maxims and Familiar Phrases'' (New York: Macmillan Co., 1948) p. 165-->) **: To what other God but to myself <br/> And this great belly, first of deities, <br/> Should I be bound to sacrifice? <br/> (tr. [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|P. B. Shelley]], wr. 1819; pub. 1824) * I care for riches, to make gifts <br> To friends, or lead a sick man back to health<br> With ease and plenty. Else small aid is wealth <br> For daily gladness; once a man be done <br> With hunger, rich and poor are all as one. ** [[w:Electra (Euripides play)|''Electra'']] (413 BC) l. ? (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1906)<!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed. 1968--> * On behalf of all those dead<br>who learned their hatred of women long ago,<br>for those who hate them now, for those unborn<br>who shall live to hate them yet, I now declare<br>my firm conviction: neither earth nor ocean<br>produces a creature as savage and monstrous<br>as woman. ** [[w:Hecuba (play)|''Hecuba'']] (424 BC), ll. 1177-1182 (tr. William Arrowsmith, 1956<!--'''Euripides III'' (University of Chicago Press, 1956)-->) **: Let me tell you, if anyone in the past has spoken<br>ill of women, or speaks so now or will speak so<br>in the future, I’ll sum it up for him: Neither sea<br>nor land has ever produced a more monstrous<br>creature than woman.<br>(tr. Jay Kardan and Laura-Gray Street, 2011, in ''Didaskalia'', [https://didaskalia.net/issues/8/32/ vol. 8 no. 32]) * λόγος γάρ ἐστιν οὐκ ἐμός, σοφὸν δ᾽ ἔπος,<br>δεινῆς ἀνάγκης οὐδὲν ἰσχύειν πλέον. ** '''Nothing has more strength than dire necessity.''' ** [[w:Helen (play)|''Helen'']] (412 BC), l. 510 (tr. Richmond Lattimore, 1956), quoting "a saying" * Man's most valuable trait<br>is a judicious sense of what not to believe. ** ''Helen'', ll. 1617-1618 (tr. Richmond Lattimore, 1956) **: There is naught more serviceable to mankind than a prudent distrust. (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891)<!--''The Plays of Euripides'' (London: George Bell & Sons, 1891), 2 vols.--><!--Unsourced: "Nothing is more useful to mankind than a prudent distrust."--> * Who can decide a plea or judge a speech until he has heard plainly from both sides? ** [[w:Children of Heracles|''Heraclidæ'']] (''c''. 428 BC), [https://www.perseus.tufts.edu/hopper/text?doc=Perseus%3Atext%3A1999.01.0104%3Acard%3D134 ll. 179-180] (tr. David Kovacs), quoted by [[Aristophanes]] in ''The Wasps'' **: In case of dissension, never dare to judge till you've heard the other side. —''Forbes'', vol. 86 no. 10 (15 Nov. 1960) p. 70 * '''Leave no stone unturned.''' ** ''Heraclidæ'' (''c''. 428 BC), l. 1002 (''Bartlett's'', 1892)<!--cf. [[Samuel Butler (poet)|Butler]], ''Hudibras''--> * '''Ares hates those who hesitate.''' ** ''Heraclidæ'' (''c''. 428 BC), l. 722 (ed. H. L. Mencken, 1942, '60)<!--H. L. Mencken, ''A New Dictionary of Quotations on Historical Principles'' (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1942; 1960)--> **: Ares hates the sluggard most of all. (tr. David Kovacs) * Yet do I hold that mortal foolish who strives against the stress of necessity. ** [[w:Herakles (Euripides)|''Hercules Furens'']], l. 281 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * O lady, nobility is thine, and thy form is the reflection of thy nature! ** [[w:Ion (play)|''Ion'']]<!--"Gon."--> (''c''. 421-408 BC) l. 238 (tr. E. F. Burr, 1880)<!--''Dio, the Athenian; or, From Olympus to Calvary'' (New York: Phillips & Hunt, 1880, ch. 17 epigraph (p. 385); also in J. K. Hoyt and Anna L. Ward, ''The Cyclopædia of Practical Quotations'' (New York: I. K. Funk & Co., 1882), p. 290--> * Authority is never without hate. ** ''Ion'' (c. 421-408 BC) l. ? (tr. Ronald F. Willetts, 1958) * Thou didst bring me forth for all the Greeks in common, not for thyself alone. ** [[w:Iphigenia in Aulis|''Iphigenia in Aulis'']], l. 1386 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * '''A coward turns away, but a brave man's choice is danger.''' ** [[w:Iphigenia in Tauris|''Iphigenia in Tauris'']] (''c''. 412 BC) l. 114 (tr. Richmond Lattimore, 1956) * '''There is in the worst of fortune the best of chances for a happy change.''' ** ''Iphigenia in Tauris'' (''c''. 412 BC) l. 721 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * '''Slight not what's near through aiming at what's far.''' ** [[w:Rhesus (play)|''Rhesus'']] (''c''. 435 BC) l. 482 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * '''For naught is there more sweet unto an aged sire than a daughter's love.''' ** [[w:The Suppliants (Euripides)|''The Suppliants'']] (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891)<!--Unsourced: '''For nothing is there more sweet unto an aged father than a daughter'''--> * Naught is more hostile to a city than a despot; where he is, there are in the first place no laws common to all, but one man is tyrant, in whose keeping and in his alone the law resides, and in that case equality is at an end. ** ''The Suppliants'' (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891) * '''Helen''': What happened in my heart, to make me leave my home<br />And my own land, to follow where a stranger led?<br />Rail at the goddess; be more resolute than Zeus,<br />Who holds power over all other divinities<br />But is himself the slave of love. Show Aphrodite<br />Your indignation; me, pardon and sympathy.<br />'''Hecabe''': No; Paris was an extremely handsome man – one look,<br />And your appetite became your Aphrodite. Why,<br />Men's lawless lusts are all called love – it's a confusion<br />Easily made. ** ''[[w:The Trojan Women|Troades]]'' (c. 415 BC), ll. 946–950 and 987–990 (tr. Philip Vellacott, 1954) === ''[[w:Alcestis|Alcestis]]'' (438 BC) === * Never say that marriage has more of joy than pain. ** l. 238 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1960) * A second wife <br> is hateful to the children of the first, <br> a viper is not more hateful. ** l. 309 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) * '''Oh, if I had [[w:Orpheus|Orpheus]]' voice and poetry <br>with which to move the Dark Maid and her Lord, <br>I'd call you back, dear love, from the world below.''' <br>I'd go down there for you. Charôn or the grim <br>King's dog could not prevent me then <br>from carrying you up into the fields of light. ** l. 358 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) * Κούφα σοι χθὼν ἐπάνωθε πέσοι. ** Light be the earth upon you, lightly rest. ** l. 462 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960)<!--Thus petitions the Chorus over the dead body of the heroine, untimely rapt away. Cf. [[Martial]], 9, 30, 11: ''Sit tibi terra levis'' (abbrev. ''S.T.T.L.'')—"May earth lie light upon thee." Common funeral inscription. [[Ovid]], in the same spirit, prays for the repose of [[Tibullus]], ''Amores, 3, 9, 67), ''Ossa quieta precor tuta requiescite in urna, / Et sit humus cineri non onerosa tuo.''—"Inurned in peace, may thy bones rest, I pray; / And on thy ashes earth no burden lay." —''Classical and Foreign Quotations'' (1904) no. 2578--> * Old men's prayers for death are lying prayers, in which they abuse old age and long extent of life. But when death draws near, not one is willing to die, and age no longer is a burden to them. ** l. 669 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Dishonour will not trouble me, once I am dead. ** l. 726 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) * No one can confidently say that he will still be living tomorrow. ** ll. 783-4 (tr. Robert and Mary Collison, 1980)<!--''Dictionary of Foreign Quotations'' (New York: Facts on File, 1980) p. 114--> * Today's today. Tomorrow we may be<br>Ourselves gone down the drain of Eternity. ** l. 788 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) * '''I have found power in the mysteries of thought, <br> Exaltation in the changing of the Muses; <br> I have been versed in the reasonings of men; <br> But Fate is stronger than anything I have known.''' ** l. 962 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) * Time cancels young pain. ** l. 1085 (tr. Fitts and Fitzgerald, 1960) === ''[[w:Medea (play)|Medea]]'' (431 BC) === * Of all things upon earth that bleed and grow,<br />'''A herb most bruised is [[woman]].''' ** Lines 230–231 (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1912) * The fountains of sacred rivers flow upwards. ** Line 409 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--p. 468-->) * The gifts of a bad man bring no good with them. ** Line 618 (''Bartlett's'', 1892)<!--Other translations: (1) ''The Hecuba, Orestes, Phœnician Virgins, and Medea, of Euripides; Literally Translated into English Prose, from the Text of Porson'' (Oxford: for D. A. Talboys, 1820), p. 214: "For the gifts of a bad man bring no assistance." (2) T. W. C. Edwards, ''The Medea, Literally Translated into English Prose, from the Text of Porson'' (London: Simpkin, Marshall, and Co., 1840: "For the gifts of a bad man have no avail."--> * Moderation, the noblest gift of Heaven. ** Line 636 (tr. [[Georgiana Chatterton]], 1863)<!--''The Heiress and Her Lovers'' (London: Richard Bentley, 1863), vol. 2 (front matter); cited in ''Bartlett's'', 1892--> * Of troubles none is greater than to be robbed of one’s native land. ** Line 653 (tr. David Kovacs) **: For nothing is like the sorrow or supersedes the sadness of losing your native land. (tr. [[w:Paul Roche|Paul Roche]], 1974) * πείθειν δῶρα καὶ θεοὺς λόγος ** It is said that gifts persuade even the gods. ** Line 964 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--W. Gurney Benham, ''A Book of Quotations'' (1907), p. 470-->)<!--also in ''Hoyt's'' (1922), p. 311--> * I know, indeed, the evil of that I purpose; but my inclination gets the better of my judgment. ** Line 1078 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * χαλεπὰ γὰρ βροτοῖς ὁμογενῆ μιά-<br>σματ᾽, ἕπεται δ᾽ ἅμ᾽ αὐτοφόνταις ξυνῳ-<br>δὰ θεόθεν πίτνοντ᾽ ἐπὶ δόμοις ἄχη. ** Grievous for mortals is the stain of kindred blood. For the murderers are dogged by woes harmonious with their deeds, sent by the gods upon their houses. ** Lines 1268-1270 (tr. David Kovacs) === ''[[w:Hippolytus (play)|Hippolytus]]'' (428 BC) === [[File:Death Hippolytus Lemoyne Louvre MR2026.jpg|thumb|right|There is one thing alone that stands the brunt of life throughout its course: a quiet conscience.]] * μόνον δὲ τοῦτό φασ᾽ ἁμιλλᾶσθαι βίῳ,<br>γνώμην δικαίαν κἀγαθήν ὅτῳ παρῇ ** Only one thing, they say, competes in value with life, the possession of a heart blameless and good. ** ll. 426-427 (tr. David Kovacs) * In this world second thoughts, it seems, are best. ** l. 435<!--or: 438--> (tr. [[w:David Grene|David Grene]], 1942<!--''Three Greek Tragedies in Translation'' (University of Chicago Press, 1942), p. 188-->) **: Among mortals second thoughts are the wisest. (tr. [[w:Theodore Alois Buckley|T. A. W. Buckley]], 1850<!--''The Tragedies of Euripides (Henry G. Bohn, 1850), 2 vols.-->) <br> Second thoughts are ever wiser. (''Bartlett's'', 1892) <br> Among mortals second thoughts are wisest. (''Hoyt's'', 1882<!--p. 419-->) * ἡ γλῶσσ᾽ ὀμώμοχ᾽, ἡ δὲ φρὴν ἀνώμοτος ** 'Twas but my tongue, 'twas not my soul that swore. ** l. 612 (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1902) **: My tongue swore, but my mind was still unpledged. (tr. David Grene, 1942) * '''The credit we get for wisdom is measured by our success.''' ** l. 701 (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891) === ''[[w:Orestes (play)|Orestes]]'' (408 BC) === [[File:Orestes Pursued by the Furies by William-Adolphe Bouguereau (1862) - Google Art Project.jpg |thumb|right|''The Remorse of Orestes'' by William-Adolphe Bouguereau]] * '''Love is all we have, the only way that each can help the other.''' ** l. 298 (tr. [[w:William Arrowsmith|William Arrowsmith]], 1958<!--''Euripides IV'' (University of Chicago Press, 1958)-->) * Ὅταν γὰρ ἡδὺς τοῖς λόγοις, φρονῶν κακῶς <br> πείθῃ τὸ πλῆθος, τῇ πόλει κακὸν μέγα. ** When one with honeyed words but evil mind<br> Persuades the mob, great woes befall the state. ** l. 907 (''Harbottle's'', 1897<!--p. 447-->) === ''[[w:The Phoenician Women|The Phoenician Women]]''<!--c. 411-409 BC?--> === * ἓν μὲν μέγιστον, οὐκ ἔχει παρρησίαν. * But this is slavery, not to speak one’s thought. ** Line 392, Jocasta (tr. Elizabeth Wyckoff, 1958<!--''Euripides IV'' (University of Chicago Press, 1958) p. 472-->) **: Who dares not speak his free thoughts is a slave. (tr. [[w:Robert Potter (translator)|R. Potter]], 1823<!--''The Tragedies of Euripides'' (Oxford: W. Baxter, 1823), 2 vols.-->) * ἁπλοῦς ὁ μῦθος τῆς ἀληθείας ἔφυ, <br> κοὐ ποικίλων δεῖ τἄνδιχ᾽ ἑρμηνευμάτων ** The words of truth are simple, and justice needs no subtle interpretations, for it hath a fitness in itself. ** Lines 469–470 (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891<!--Revised by George Panagiotou: "The words of truth are naturally simple, and justice needs no subtle interpretations, for it has a fitness in itself."-->) === ''[[w:The Bacchae|The Bacchae]]'' (405 BC) === [[File:Euripides altes Museum.jpg|thumb|right|Humility, a sense of reverence before the sons of heaven — of all the prizes that a mortal man might win, these, I say, are wisest; these are best.]] * But cleverness is not wisdom, nor is the thinking on things unfit for mortals. ** Line 395 (tr. [[w:Theodore Alois Buckley|T. A. W. Buckley]], 1850)<!--Unsourced: "Cleverness is not wisdom. And not to think mortal thoughts is to see few days."--> * '''Dionysus''': He who believes needs no explanation.<br /> '''Pentheus''': What's the worth in believing worthless things? <br />'''Dionysus''': Much worth, but not worth telling you, it seems. ** Line 472 (tr. [[w:Colin Teevan|Colin Teevan]], 2002) * '''Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.''' ** Lines 479-480 (tr. William Arrowsmith, 1958) **: To the fool, he who speaks wisdom will sound foolish. (''Bartlett's'', 13th ed. 1955) **: He were a fool, methinks, who would utter wisdom to a fool. (tr. E. P. Coleridge, 1891) **: Wise words being brought to blinded eyes will seem as things of nought. (tr. [[Gilbert Murray]], 1902) * '''Slow but sure moves the might of the gods.''' ** Line 882 (''Bartlett's'', 14th ed. 1968) **: Slowly but surely withal moveth the might of the gods. (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed. 1892) * χρηστοῖσι δούλοις συμφορὰ τὰ δεσποτῶν. ** The misfortunes of their masters are a concern to good servants. ** Line 1028 (tr. [[w:Theodore Alois Buckley|T. A. W. Buckley]], 1850)<!--Unsourced translation: "Good slaves [are affected by] the adversities of their masters."--> note: the original sentence does not contain any verb * '''Humility, a sense of reverence before the sons of heaven — of all the prizes that a mortal man might win, these, I say, are wisest; these are best.''' ** Line 1150 (tr. William Arrowsmith, 1958) === Fragments === * '''The company of just and righteous men is better than wealth and a rich estate.''' ** ''Ægeus'', frag. 7 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed. 1892) * κακὸν γυναῖκα πρὸς νέαν ζεῦξαι νέον· <br> μακρὰ γὰρ ἰσχὺς μᾶλλον ἀρσένων μένει, <br> θήλεια δ' ἥβη θᾶσσον ἐκλείπει δέμας. ** To mate a youth with a young wife is ill; <br> Seeing a man's strength lasteth, while the bloom <br> Of beauty quickly leaves a woman's form. ** ''Æolus'', frag. 22 (tr. J. A. Symonds, 1879<!--''Studies of the Greek Poets'', 2nd ser. (2nd ed. 1879) p. 289 note-->) * A bad beginning makes a bad ending. ** ''Æolus'', frag. 32 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * '''Time will explain it all.''' He is a talker, and needs no questioning before he speaks. ** ''Æolus'', frag. 38 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Φεῦ φεῦ, παλαιὸς αἶνος ὡς καλῶς ἔχει· <br> γέροντες οὐδέν ἐσμεν ἄλλο πλὴν ψόφος <br> καὶ σχῆμ', ὀνείρων δ᾽ ἕρπομεν μιμήματα· <br> νοῦς δ᾽ οὐκ ἔνεστιν, οἰόμεσθα δ᾽ εὐ φρονεῖν. ** Alas, how right the ancient saying is: <br> We, who are old, are nothing else but noise <br> And shape. Like mimicries of dreams we go, <br> And have no wits, although we think us wise. ** ''Æolus'', frag. (tr. [[Maurice Bowra|C. M. Bowra]], 1938<!--''Oxford Book of Greek Verse in Translation'' (1938) no. 389-->)<!--Greek: ''Tragicorum Graecorum Fragmenta'', ed. A. Nauck, p. 370, no. 2--> * The nobly born must nobly meet his fate. ** ''Alcmene'', frag. 100 (''Bartlett's'', 1892)<!--''Noblesse oblige''. — Bohn: ''Foreign Proverbs''--> * Waste not fresh tears over old griefs. ** ''Alexander'', frag. 44 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Ἡδύ τοι σωθέντα μεμνῆσθαι πόνων. ** Sweet is the remembrance of troubles when you are in safety. ** ''Andromeda'', frag. 10, l. 2 (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--p. 472-->) * ὅσοι γὰρ εἰς ἔρωτα πίπτουσιν βροτῶν <br> ἐσθλῶν ὅταν τύχωσι τῶν ἐρωμένων <br> οὐκ ἔσθ' ὁποίας λείπεται τῆς ἡδονῆς. ** When it befalls poor mortal men to love, <br> Should they find worthy objects for their loving, <br> Then is there nothing left of joy to long for. ** ''Andromeda'', frag. 147 (tr. J. A. Symonds, 1879) * Woman is woman's natural ally. ** ''Alope'', frag. 109 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Man's best possession is a sympathetic wife. ** ''Antigone'', frag. 164 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Ignorance of one's misfortunes is clear gain. ** ''Antiope'', frag. 204 (''Bartlett's'', 1892); cf. [[William Davenant|Davenant]] [[File:Ватикан. Еврипид (Euripide) с актерской маской (ант.статуя) ~1859г 2640.jpg|thumb|right|Events will take their course, it is no good of being angry at them; he is happiest who wisely turns them to the best account.]] * '''Events will take their course, it is no good of being angry at them; he is happiest who wisely turns them to the best account.''' ** [[w:Bellerophon (play)|''Bellerophon'']], frag. 298, in [[Plutarch]], ''Moralia'', "De tranquillitate animi" (tr. [[w:Arthur Richard Shilleto|A. R. Shilleto]], 1888)<!--''Plutarch's Morals: Ethical Essays'' (1888) p. 293--> * Φησίν τις εἶναι δῆτ᾽ ἐν οὐρανῷ θεούς; <br> οὐκ εἰσίν, οὐκ εἴσ᾽, εἴ τις ἀνθρώπων θέλει <br> μὴ τῷ παλαιῷ μῶρος ὢν χρῆσθαι λόγῳ. <br> σκέψασθε δ᾽ αὐτοί, μὴ ἐπὶ τοῖς ἐμοῖς λόγοις <br> γνώμην ἔχοντες. φήμ᾽ ἐγὼ τυραννίδα <br> κτείνειν τε πλείστους κτημάτων τ᾿ ἀποστερεῖν <br> ὅρκους τε παραβαίνοντας ἐκπορθεῖν πόλεις· <br> καὶ ταῦτα δρῶντες μᾶλλόν εἰσ᾽ εὐδαίμονες. <br> τῶν εὐσεβούντων ἡσυχῇ καθ᾽ ἡμέραν. <br> πόλεις τε μικρὰς οἶδα τιμώσας θεούς, <br> αἳ μειζόνων κλύουσι δυσσεβεστέρων <br> λόγχης ἀριθμῷ πλείονος κρατούμεναι. <br> οἶμαι δ᾽ ἂν ὑμᾶς, εἴ τις ἀργὸς ὢν θεοῖς <br> εὔχοιτο καὶ μὴ χειρὶ συλλέγοι βίον, <br> μαθεῖν ἂν ὡς οὐκ εἰσίν. αἱ δ᾽ εὐπραξίαι <br> τὰ θεῖα πυργοῦσ᾽ αἱ κακαί τε συμφοραί. ** '''Doth some one say that there be gods above? <br/>There are not; no, there are not. Let no fool, <br/>Led by the old false fable, thus deceive you.''' <br/>Look at the facts themselves, yielding my words <br/>No undue credence: for I say that kings <br/>Kill, rob, break oaths, lay cities waste by fraud, <br/>And doing thus are happier than those <br/>Who live calm pious lives day after day. <br> How many little States that serve the gods <br> Are subject to the godless but more strong, <br> Made slaves by might of a superior army! <br> And you, if any ceased from work and prayed <br> To gods, nor gathered in his livelihood, <br> Would learn gods are not. All Divinity <br> Is built up from our good and evil luck. ** ''Bellerophon'', frag. (tr. [[John Addington Symonds|J. A. Symonds]], 1879; rev. [[Maurice Bowra|C. M. Bowra]], 1938<!--First 11 lines by Symonds, ''Studies of the Greek Poets'', 2nd ser. (2nd ed. 1879) p. 294; completed by Bowra, ''OBGVT'' (1938) no. 391. Greek: ''TGF'', p. 445, no. 286-->) * Toil, says the proverb, is the sire of fame. ** ''Licymnius'', frag. 477 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * A bad ending follows a bad beginning. ** ''Melanippe the Wise'', frag. (tr. E. F. Burr, 1880<!--''Dio, the Athenian'' (1880) ch. 15 (p. 370)-->)<!--Unsourced variant: "A bad beginning makes a bad ending."--> [[File:Seated Euripides Louvre Ma343.jpg|thumb|right|When good men die their goodness does not perish, but lives though they are gone. As for the bad, all that was theirs dies and is buried with them.]] * '''Cowards do not count in battle; they are there, but not in it.''' ** ''Meleager'' frag. 523 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * A woman should be good for everything at home, but abroad good for nothing. ** ''Meleager'', frag. 525 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Silver and gold are not the only coin; virtue too passes current all over the world. ** ''Œdipus'', frag. 546 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Every man is like the company he is wont to keep. ** ''Phœnix'', frag. 812<!--or: 809--> (''Bartlett's'', 1892)<!--Unsourced variant: "He is like the very men whose company he enjoys."--> * Ὦ φιλόζωοι βροτοὶ,<br/>οἱ τὴν ἐπιστείχουσαν ἡμέραν ἰδεῖν<br/>οὕτως ἔρως βροτοῖσιν ἐγκεῖται βίου ** O ye life-loving mortals,<br/>Who ever long to see the coming day,<br/>Though ye be weighed down with a thousand sorrows!<br/>So strong the yearning of mankind for life. ** ''Phœnix'', frag. 12 (''Harbottle's'', 1897<!--T. B. Harbottle, [https://archive.org/stream/dictionaryquota04harbgoog#page/n556/mode/2up ''Dictionary of Quotations (Classical)''] (London: Swan Sonnenschein & Co., Ltd., 1897) p. 538-->) * Τίς δ᾽ οἶδεν εἰ ζῆν τοῦθ᾽ ὁ κέκληται θανεῖν, <br> τὸ ζῆν δὲ θνῄσκειν ἐστί ** Who knows but life be that which men call death, <br> And death what men call life? ** ''Phrixus'', frag. 830 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) **: Who knows if that be life which we call death,<br>And life be dying? (tr. J. A. Symonds, 1879) * Whoso neglects learning in his youth, loses the past and is dead for the future. ** ''Phrixus'', frag. 927 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * The gods visit the sins of the fathers upon the children. ** ''Phrixus'', frag. 970 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * Πᾶσιν γὰρ εὖ φρονοῦσι συμμαχεῖ τύχη. ** '''For chance fights ever on the side of the prudent.''' ** ''Pirithous'', adapted (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--p. 477-->) * "Η τοῖσιν εὐφρονοῦσι συμμαχεῖ τύχη. ** Fortune truly helps those who are of good judgement. ** ''Pirithous'' (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--p. 781 note-->) * Where two discourse, if the one's anger rise, <br> The man who lets the contest fall is wise. ** ''Protesilaus'', frag. 656, in Plutarch, ''Moralia'', "De liberis educandis" (tr. Several Hands, 1684) * '''When good men die their goodness does not perish, <br> But lives though they are gone.''' As for the bad, <br> All that was theirs dies and is buried with them. ** ''Temenidæ'', frag. 734 (''Bartlett's'', 1892) * ἡ γὰρ σιωπὴ τοῖς σοφοῖσ<br>ἀπόκρισις. ** Silence is an answer in the eyes of the wise. ** Unidentified play, [[Talk:Euripides#Source Information for "Silence is true wisdom's best reply."|frag. 977]] (tr. Christopher Collard and Martin Cropp, [[w:LoeB Classical Library|L504]])<!--cf. [[Honoré Gabriel Riqueti, comte de Mirabeau#Attributed|Mirabeau]]--> **: For silence is true wisdom's best reply. (tr. R. B. Appleton, 1927)<!--''Euripides the Idealist'' (London: J. M. Dent, 1927), p. 194--> {{Disputed begin}} == Disputed == * Σοφὸς ἦν τις, ὃς τὸ θεῖον εἰσηγήσατο. ** '''I maintain, <br> Some shrewd man first, a man in counsel wise,<br>Discovered unto men the fear of Gods,<br>Thereby to frighten sinners should they sin <br>E'en secretly in deed, or word, or thought.''' ** [[w:Sisyphus fragment|Sisyphus fragment]], in [[Sextus Empiricus]], ''Against the Physicists'', bk. 1 sec. 54 (tr. R. G. Bury, [[w:Loeb Classical Library|L311]])<!--Revised by J. Garrett: "I think, / Some shrewd man first, a man in judgment wise, / Found for mortals the fear of gods, / Thereby to frighten the wicked should they / Even act or speak or scheme in secret."--> **: He was a wise man who originated the idea of God. (''Cassell's'', 1907<!--p. 478-->) * Most cunning doctrine did he introduce,<br>The truth concealing under speech untrue.<br>The place he spoke of as the God's abode<br>Was that whereby he could affright men most,—<br>The place from which, he knew, both terrors came<br>And easements unto men of toilsome life—<br>To wit the vault above, wherein do dwell<br>The lightnings, he beheld, and awesome claps<br>Of thunder, and the starry face of heaven,<br>Fair-spangled by that cunning craftsman Time,—<br>Whence, too, the meteor's glowing mass doth speed<br>And liquid rain descends upon the earth. ** Sisyphus fragment (tr. R. G. Bury, L311)<!--Revised by J. Garrett: The sweetest teaching did he introduce, / Concealing truth under untrue speech. / The place he spoke of as the gods' abode<br>Was that by which he might awe humans most, — / The place from which, he knew, terrors came to mortals / And things advantageous in their wearisome life — / The revolving heaven above, in which dwell / The lightnings, and awesome claps / Of thunder, and the starry face of heaven, / Beautiful and intricate by that wise craftsman Time, — / From which, too, the meteor's glowing mass speeds / And wet thunderstorm pours forth upon the earth.--> * I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right. ** Supposedly in ''The Suppliants'' [https://archive.org/search?query=%22shall+find+scholars+later+to+demonstrate%22&sin=TXT&sort=date] ** Also attributed to [[Frederick the Great]] of Prussia {{Disputed end}} {{Misattributed begin}} == Misattributed == * Account no man happy till he dies. ** [[Sophocles]], ''Oedipus Rex'' l. 1529 ** Cf. [[Herodotus]], bk. 1 ch. 32: But refrain from calling him fortunate before he dies; call him lucky. (tr. A. D. Godley, 1920) * Circumstances rule men and not men circumstances. ** [[Herodotus]], Book 7, Ch. 49; Misattributed to Euripides in "The Imperial Four" by Professor Creasy in ''Bentley's Miscellany'' Vol. 33 (January 1853), p. 22 ** Variant translation: Circumstances rule men; men do not rule circumstances. * Those whom the gods wish to destroy they first make mad. ** Anonymous ancient proverb, wrongly attributed to Euripides. The version here is quoted as a "heathen proverb" in ''Daniel, a Model for Young Men'' (1854) by William Anderson Scott. The origin of the misattribution to Euripides is unknown. Several variants are quoted in ancient texts, as follows. ** Variants and derived paraphrases: *** For cunningly of old <br>was the celebrated saying revealed: <br>evil sometimes seems good <br>to a man whose mind <br>a god leads to destruction. **** Sophocles, ''Antigone'' 620-3, a play pre-dating any of Euripides' surviving plays. An ancient commentary explains the passage as a paraphrase of the following, from another, earlier poet. *** When a god plans harm against a man, <br> he first damages the mind of the man he is plotting against. **** Quoted in the ''scholia vetera'' to Sophocles' ''Antigone'' 620ff., without attribution. The meter (iambic trimeter) suggests that the source of the quotation is a tragic play. *** For whenever the anger of divine spirits harms someone, <br>it first does this: it steals away his mind <br>and good sense, and turns his thought to foolishness,''' <br>so that he should know nothing of his mistakes. **** Attributed to "some of the old poets" by [[w:Lycurgus of Athens|Lycurgus of Athens]] in his ''Oratio In Leocratem'' [''Oration Against Leocrates''], section 92. Again, the meter suggests that the source is a tragic play. These lines are misattributed to the much earlier semi-mythical statesman [[w:Lycurgus of Sparta|Lycurgus of Sparta]] in a footnote of recent editions of ''[[w:Bartlett's Familiar Quotations|Bartlett's Familiar Quotations]]'' and other works. *** The gods do nothing until they have blinded the minds of the wicked. **** Variant in ''''Dictionary of Quotations (Classical)'' (1906), compiled by Thomas Benfield Harbottle, p. 433. *** Whom Fortune wishes to destroy she first makes mad.''' **** [[Publilius Syrus]], Maxim 911 *** The devil when he purports any evil against man, first perverts his mind. **** As quoted by [[w:Athenagoras of Athens|Athenagoras of Athens]] in ''Legatio Pro Christianis''. *** ''quem Iuppiter vult perdere, dementat prius.'' **** "Whom Jupiter wishes to destroy, he first sends mad"; neo-Latin version. Similar wording is found in [[w:James Duport|James Duport]]'s ''Homeri Gnomologia'' (1660), p. 234. "A maxim of obscure origin which may have been invented in Cambridge about 1640" -- Taylor, ''The Proverb'' (1931). Probably a variant of the line "He whom the gods love dies young", derived from [[Menander]]'s play ''The Double Deceiver'' via [[Plautus]] (''Bacchides'' 816-7). *** ''quem'' (or ''quos'') ''Deus perdere vult, dementat prius.'' **** Whom God wishes to destroy, he first sends mad. *** '''Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad.''' **** This variant is spoken by [[w:Prometheus|Prometheus]], in ''The Masque of Pandora'' (1875) by [[Henry Wadsworth Longfellow]] *** Those whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad. **** As quoted in ''George Fox Interpreted: The Religion, Revelations, Motives and Mission of George Fox'' (1881) by Thomas Ellwood Longshore, p. 154 *** Those whom God wishes to destroy, he first makes mad. **** As quoted in ''[[w:Bartlett's Familiar Quotations|Bartlett's Familiar Quotations]]'' 16th edition (1992) *** Nor do the gods appear in warrior's armour clad <br> To strike them down with sword and spear <br> Those whom they would destroy <br> They first make mad. **** Bhartṛhari, 7th c. AD; as quoted in John Brough, ''Poems from the Sanskrit'', (1968), p, 67 *** ''vināśakāle viparītabuddhiḥ'' **** Sanskrit Saying (also in ''Jatak katha''): "When a man is to be destroyed, his intelligence becomes self-destructive." ** Modern derivatives: The proverb's meaning is changed in many English versions from the 20th and 21st centuries that start with the proverb's first half (through "they") and then end with a phrase that replaces "first make mad" or "make mad." Such versions can be found at Internet search engines by using either of the two keyword phrases that are on Page 2 and Page 4 of the webpage "[http://www.bu.edu/av/celop2/not_ESL/pick_any_wrong_card.pdf Pick any Wrong Card]." The rest of that webpage is frameworks that induce a reader to compose new variations on this proverb. {{Misattributed end}} == Quotes about Euripides == * [[Sophocles]] said that he drew men as they ought to be; Euripides, as they are. ** [[Aristotle]], ''Poetics'', ch. 25 (trans. S. H. Butcher) * I could not bear Euripides at college. I now read my recantation. He has faults undoubtedly. But what a poet! The [[w:Medea (play)|Medea]], the [[w:Alcestis (play)|Alcestis]], the [[w:The Trojan Women|Troades]], the [[w:The Bacchae|Bacchæ]], are alone sufficient to place him in the very first rank. ** [[Thomas Babington Macaulay]] to Thomas Flower Ellis (8 February 1835), quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 431 * The [[w:Orestes (play)|Orestes]] is one of the very finest plays in the Greek language. Among those of Euripides, I should place it next to the Medea and the Bacchæ. It has some very real faults; but it possesses that strong human interest which neither [[Aeschylus|Æschylus]] nor [[Sophocles]],—poets in many respects far superior to Euripides,—ever gave to their dramas. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 474 * The Bacchæ is a most glorious play. I doubt whether it be not superior to the Medea. It is often very obscure; and I am not sure that I fully understand its general scope. But, as a piece of language, it is hardly equalled in the world. And, whether it was intended to encourage or to discourage fanaticism, the picture of fanatical excitement which it exhibits has never been rivalled. ** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), pp. 474-475 == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{Commonscat|Euripides}} {{wikisource author|Euripides}} * {{gutenberg author| id=Euripides | name=Euripides}} * [http://www.fordham.edu/halsall/ancient/eb11-euripides.html Article in ''Encyclopaedia Britannica'' (11th edition) at Fordham University] * [http://www.perseus.tufts.edu/cgi-bin/vor?x=0&y=0&lookup=Euripides Euripides-related materials at the Perseus Digital Library] * [http://www.theatrehistory.com/ancient/euripides001.html "Euripedes and His Tragedies" at TheatreHistory.com] * [http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0262381/ IMDBs List of movies based on Euripides plays] * [https://www.ellopos.net/elpenor/greek-texts/ancient-greece/euripides.asp Euripides Resources] {{DEFAULTSORT:Euripides}} [[Category:Poets from Greece]] [[Category:Playwrights from Greece]] [[Category:BCE births]] [[Category:BCE deaths]] [[Category:People from Athens]] cwtzws1fd1sf5vh6xwadztdg4ua4r94 0 3368 3778946 3509783 2025-07-15T00:32:36Z Kalki 71 /* {{w|Theses on the Philosophy of History}} (1940) */ extend a quote for context 3778946 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Walter Benjamin vers 1928.jpg|thumb|right| All [[purposeful]] manifestations of [[life]], including their very purposiveness, in the final [[analysis]] have their [[end]] not in life but in the expression of its nature, in the representation of its [[significance]].]] '''[[w:Walter Benjamin|Walter Bendix Schönflies Benjamin]]''' ([[15 July]] [[1892]] – [[27 September]] [[1940]]) was a [[w:Germany|German]] [[w:Jew|Jewish]] [[w:Literary criticism|literary critic]] and [[w:philosopher|philosopher]]. He was at times associated with the [[w:Frankfurt School|Frankfurt School]] of [[w:critical theory|critical theory]], and was also greatly inspired by the Marxism of [[Bertolt Brecht]] and the Jewish [[mysticism]] of [[Gershom Scholem]]. == Quotes == [[File:Youth Axel Törneman 1919.jpg|thumb|right|Nothing is so hateful to the [[philistine]] as the "dreams of his youth." ... For what appeared to him in his dreams was the voice of the spirit, calling him once, as it does everyone. It is of this that youth always reminds him, eternally and ominously. That is why he is antagonistic toward youth.]] [[File:Grab Walter Benjamin.jpg|thumb| I would like to metamorphose into a mouse-mountain.]] [[File:Nebo04(js).jpg|thumb|right|Things are only mannequins and even the great world-historical events are only costumes beneath which they exchange glances with [[nothingness]].]] [[File:BrazenSerpent.JPG |thumb|This strange form — it may be called fleeting or [[eternal]] — is in neither case the stuff that [[life]] is made of.]] [[File:European Central Bank 041107.jpg|thumb|right|[[Capitalism]] is presumably the first case of a blaming, rather than a repenting cult. ... An enormous feeling of guilt not itself knowing how to repent, grasps at the cult, not in order to repent for this guilt, but to make it universal, to hammer it into consciousness and finally and above all to include God himself in this guilt.]] * Nothing is so hateful to the [[philistine]] as the "[[dreams]] of his youth." ... For what appeared to him in his dreams was the voice of the [[spirit]], calling him once, as it does everyone. It is of ''this'' that youth always reminds him, [[eternally]] and ominously. That is why he is antagonistic toward youth. ** "Experience" (1913) as translated by L. Spencer and S. Jost, in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings'', Vol. 1 (1996), pp. 4-5 * Because he never raises his eyes to the great and the meaningful, the philistine has taken experience as his gospel. It has become for him a message about life's commonness. But he has never grasped that there exists something other than experience, that there are values—inexperienceable—which we serve. ** "Experience" (1913) as translated by L. Spencer and S. Jost, in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings'', Vol. 1 (1996), p. 4 * In what time does man live? The thinkers have always known that he does not live in any time at all. The immortality of thoughts and deeds banishes him to a timeless realm at whose heart an inscrutable death lies in wait. ... Devoured by the countless demands of the moment, time slipped away from him; the medium in which the pure melody of his youth would swell was destroyed. The fulfilled tranquility in which his late maturity would ripen was stolen from him. It was purloined by everyday reality, which, with its events, chance occurrences, and obligations, disrupted the myriad opportunities of youthful time, immortal time. ... From day to day, second to second, the self preserves itself, clinging to that instrument: time, the instrument that it was supposed to play. ** "The Metaphysics of Youth," in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings'', Vol. 1 (1996), pp. 10-11 * ''Jede Äußerung menschlichen Geisteslebens kann als eine Art der Sprache aufgefaßt werden, und diese Auffassung erschließt nach Art einer wahrhaften Methode überall neue Fragestellungen.'' ** Every expression of human mental life can be understood as a kind of language, and this understanding, in the manner of a true method, everywhere raises new questions. *** "On Language as Such and on the Language of Man" (1916), translated by E. Jephcott, in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings'', Vol. 1 (1996), p. 62 * ''Zur Verknechtung der Sprache im Geschwätz tritt die Verknechtung der Dinge in der Narretei fast als deren unausbleibliche Folge''.<!-- Über Sprache überhaupt und über die Sprache des Menschen --> ** The enslavement of language in prattle is joined by the enslavement of things in folly almost as its inevitable consequence. *** "On Language as Such and on the Language of Man" (1916), translated by E. Jephcott, in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings'', Vol. 1 (1996), p. 72 * I would like to metamorphose into a mouse-mountain. ** ''[http://www.wbenjamin.org/protocol1.html Protocols to the Experiments on Hashish, Opium and Mescaline]'' (1927-1934, English translation 1997) * '''Things are only mannequins and even the great world-historical events are only costumes beneath which they exchange glances with nothingness.''' ** ''Protocols to the Experiments on Hashish, Opium and Mescaline'' (1927-1934) * … für den wahren Sammler ist die Erwerbung eines alten Buches dessen Wiedergeburt. … Die alte Welt erneuern – das ist der tiefste Trieb im Wunsch des Sammlers, Neues zu erwerben, und darum steht der Sammler älterer Bücher dem Quell des Sammelns näher als der Interessent für bibliophile Neudrucke.<br>''translation'':<br>… for the true collector, acquiring an old book is its rebirth. … Renewing the old world — this is the deepest drive in the collector's desire to acquire new things, and that is why the collector of older books is closer to the source of collecting than the person interested in bibliophile reprints. * [https://www.textlog.de/benjamin/kleine-prosa/denkbilder/packe-bibliothek-aus ''Ich packe meine Bibliothek aus''] ("Unpacking my library", 1931), p. 2 * '''Of all the ways of acquiring [[books]], [[writing]] them oneself is regarded as the most praiseworthy method.''' … Writers are really people who write books not because they are poor, but because they are dissatisfied with the books which they could buy but do not like. ** ''Unpacking my Library: A Talk About Book Collecting'' (1931) * The destructive character knows only one watchword: make room. And only one activity: clearing away. His need for fresh air and open space is stronger than any hatred. ** "The Destructive Character" ''Frankfurter Zeitung'' (20 November 1931) * Reminiscences, even extensive ones, do not always amount to an autobiography. … For even if months and years appear here, it is in the form they have in the moment of recollection. This strange form — it may be called fleeting or eternal — is in neither case the stuff that life is made of. ** ''A Berlin Chronicle'' (1932–, unfinished), in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings – vol. 2, pt. 2: 1931-1934'', ed. Michael William Jennings, Harvard University Press, 2005, p. 612 * Mechanical reproduction emancipates the work of art from its parasitical dependence on ritual. To an ever greater degree the work of art reproduced becomes the work of art designed for reproducibility. From a photographic negative, for example, one can make any number of prints; to ask for the “authentic” print makes no sense. But the instant the criterion of authenticity ceases to be applicable to artistic production, the total function of art is reversed. Instead of being based on ritual, it begins to be based on another practice – politics. ** ''Das Kunstwerk im Zeitalter seiner Reproduzierbarkeit'' ''[[w:The Work of Art in the Age of Mechanical_Reproduction| The Work of Art in the Age of Mechanical Reproduction]]'' (1935) * There is no muse of philosophy, nor is there one of translation. ** "The Task of the Translator," translated by Harry Zohn === The Life of Students (1915) === [[File:WalterBenjaminStagesOfLife.JPG|thumb|right|Scholarship, far from leading inexorably to a profession, may in fact preclude it. For it does not permit you to abandon it.]] :<small>"Das Leben der Studenten," first published in ''Der neue Merkur'', as translated by R. Livingstone, in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings – vol. 1: 1913-1926'', ed. Michael William Jennings, Harvard University Press, 1996, pp. 37-47</small> * ''An das Leben der Studenten tritt die Frage nach seiner bewußten Einheit heran. ... Das Auszeichnende im Studentenleben ist in der Tat der Gegenwille, sich einem Prinzip zu unterwerfen, mit der Idee sich zu durchdringen. Der Name der Wissenschaft dient vorzüglich, eine tiefeingesessene, verbürgerte Indifferenz zu verbergen.'' ** The question to address is that of the conscious unity of student life ... the will to submit to a principle, to identify completely with an idea. The concept of "science" or scholarly discipline serves primarily to conceal a deep-rooted bourgeois indifference. * ''Der Beruf folgt so wenig aus der Wissenschaft, dass sie ihn sogar ausschließen kann. Denn die Wissenschaft duldet ihrem Wesen nach keine Lösung von sich.'' ** Scholarship, far from leading inexorably to a profession, may in fact preclude it. For it does not permit you to abandon it. * The true sign of decadence is not the collusion of the university and the state (something that is by no means incompatible with honest barbarity), but the theory and guarantee of academic freedom, when in reality people assume with brutal simplicity that the aim of study is to steer its disciples to a socially conceived individuality. * Everyone who achieves strives for totality, and the value of his achievement lies in that totality&mdash;that is, in the fact that the whole, undivided nature of a human being should be expressed in his achievement. But when determined by our society, as we see it today, achievement does not express a totality; it is completely fragmented and derivative. It is not uncommon for the community to be the site where a joint and covert struggle is waged against higher ambitions and more personal goals. ... The socially relevant achievement of the average person serves in the vast majority of cases to repress the original and nonderivative, inner aspirations of the human being. === The Concept of Criticism in [[w:German Romanticism|German Romanticism]] (1919) === <small>"Der Begriff der Kunstkritik in der deutschen Romantik" as translated by David Lachterman, Howard Eiland and Ian Balfour, in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings – vol. 1: 1913-1926'', ed. Michael William Jennings, Harvard University Press, 1996, pp. 116-200</small> * ''Für die Romantiker und für die spekulative Philosophie bedeutete der Terminus kritisch: objektiv produktiv, schöpferisch aus Besonnenheit. Kritisch sein hieß die Erhebung des Denkens über alle Bindungen so weit treiben, daß gleichsam zauberisch aus der Einsicht in das Falsche der Bindungen die Erkenntnis der Wahrheit sich schwang.'' ** For the [[w:German Romanticism|Romantics]] and for speculative philosophy, ... to be critical meant to elevate thinking so far beyond all restrictive conditions that the knowledge of truth sprang forth magically, as it were, from insight into the falsehood of these restrictions. * The critic does not pass judgment on the work; rather, art itself passes judgment, either by taking up the work in the medium of criticism or by rejecting it and thereby appraising it as beneath all criticism. ** p. 161 === The Task of the Translator (1920) === <!-- |thumb|[[Art]] ... posits man's [[physical]] and [[spiritual]] [[existence]], but in none of its works is it concerned with his attentiveness. No [[poem]] is intended for the reader, no picture for the beholder, no symphony for the audience.]] --> <small>"Die Aufgabe des Übersetzers," as translated by Rodney Livingstone, in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings – vol. 1: 1913-1926'', ed. Michael William Jennings, Harvard University Press, 1996, pp. 253-263</small> * ''Nirgends erweist sich einem Kunstwerk oder einer Kunstform gegenüber die Rücksicht auf den Aufnehmenden für deren Erkenntnis fruchtbar. Nicht genug, dass jede Beziehung auf ein bestimmtes Publikum oder dessen Repräsentanten vom Wege abführt, ist sogar der Begriff eines "idealen" Aufnehmenden in allen kunsttheoretischen Erörterungen vom Übel, weil diese lediglich gehalten sind, Dasein und Wesen des Menschen überhaupt vorauszusetzen. So setzt auch die Kunst selbst dessen leibliches und geistiges Wesen voraus&mdash;seine Aufmerksamkeit aber in keinem ihrer Werke. Denn kein Gedicht gilt dem Leser, kein Bild dem Beschauer, keine Symphonie der Hörerschaft.'' ** In the appreciation of a work of art or an art form, consideration of the receiver never proves fruitful. Not only is any reference to a particular public or its representatives misleading, but even the concept of an "ideal" receiver is detrimental in the theoretical consideration of art, since all it posits is the existence and nature of man as such. Art, in the same way, posits man's physical and spiritual existence, but in none of its works is it concerned with his attentiveness. No poem is intended for the reader, no picture for the beholder, no symphony for the audience. * Besteht das Original nicht um dessentwillen, wie ließe sich dann die Übersetzung aus dieser Beziehung verstehen? ** If the original does not exist for the reader's sake, how could the translation be understood on the basis of this premise? * So dürfte von einem unvergeßlichen Leben oder Augenblick gesprochen werden, auch wenn alle Menschen sie vergessen hätten. Wenn nämlich deren Wesen es forderte, nicht vergessen zu werden, so würde jenes Prädikat nichts Falsches, sondern nur eine Forderung, der Menschen nicht entsprechen, und zugleich auch wohl den Verweis auf einen Bereich enthalten, in dem ihr entsprochen wäre: auf ein Gedenken Gottes. ** One might, for example, speak of an unforgettable life or moment even if all men had forgotten it. If the nature of such a life or moment required that it be unforgotten, that predicate would imply not a falsehood but merely a claim unfulfilled by men, and probably also a reference to a realm in which it ''is'' fulfilled: God's remembrance. * ''Alle zweckmäßigen Lebenserscheinungen wie ihre Zweckmäßigkeit überhaupt sind letzten Endes zweckmäßig nicht für das Leben, sondern für den Ausdruck seines Wesens, für die Darstellung seiner Bedeutung.'' ** All purposeful manifestations of life, including their very purposiveness, in the final analysis have their end not in life but in the expression of its nature, in the representation of its significance. === Capitalism as Religion (1921) === :<small>"Kapitalismus als Religion" in ''Gesammelte Schriften'' (1991), Bd. VI, S. 100 – 102</small> * ''Im Kapitalismus ist eine Religion zu erblicken, d.h. der Kapitalismus dient essentiell der Befriedigung derselben Sorgen, Qualen, Unruhen, auf die ehemals die so genannten Religionen Antwort gaben.'' ** A religion may be discerned in capitalism&mdash;that is to say, capitalism serves essentially to allay the same anxieties, torments, and disturbances to which the so-called religions offered answers. *** Translated by Rodney Livingstone in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings, Volume 1'' (Harvard: 1996) * ''Der Kapitalismus ist vermutlich der erste Fall eines nicht entsühnenden, sondern verschuldenden Kultus. ... Ein ungeheures Schuldbewußtsein das sich nicht zu entsühnen weiß, greift zum Kultus, um in ihm diese Schuld nicht zu sühnen, sondern universal zu machen, dem Bewußtsein sie einzuhämmern und endlich und vor allem den Gott selbst in diese Schuld einzubegreifen.'' ** Capitalism is presumably the first case of a blaming, rather than a repenting cult. ... An enormous feeling of guilt not itself knowing how to repent, grasps at the cult, not in order to repent for this guilt, but to make it universal, to hammer it into consciousness and finally and above all to include God himself in this guilt. *** Translated by Chad Kautzer in ''The Frankfurt School on Religion: Key Writings by the Major Thinkers'' (2005), p. 259 === [[Johann Wolfgang von Goethe|Goethe's]] [[w:Elective Affinities|Elective Affinities]] (1924) === :<small>first published in ''Neue Deutsche Beitraege'' (1924), as translated by S. Corngold in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings'', Vol. 1 (1996)</small> * Where the presence of truth should be possible, it can be possible solely under the condition of the recognition of myth&mdash;that is, the recognition of its crushing indifference to truth. ** p. 326 === ''Ursprung des deutschen Trauerspiels'' [''Origin of the German Mourning Play''] (1925) === * Treatises may be didactic in tone, but essentially they lack the conclusiveness of an instruction which could be asserted, like doctrine, by virtue of its own authority. ... Tirelessly the process of thinking makes new beginnings, returning in a roundabout way to its original object. This continual pausing for breath is the mode most proper to the process of contemplation. For by pursuing different levels of meaning in its examination of one single object it receives both the incentive to begin again and the justification for its irregular rhythm. ** p. 28 * Criticism and prophecy must be the two categories that meet in the salvation of the past ** p. 53-54 (trans. John Osborne (London: Verso, 1977) === Main features of my first impression of [[hashish]] (1927) === :<small>Hauptzüge der ersten Haschisch-Impression, December 18, 1927, 3:30 AM</small> * ''Mir schien: Ausgesprochene Unlust, mich über Dinge des praktischen Lebens, Zukunft, Daten, Politik zu unterhalten. Man ist an die intellektuelle Sphäre gebannt wie manchmal Besessene auf die sexuelle, ist von ihr angesaugt.'' ** For me, it was like this: pronounced antipathy to conversing about matters of practical life, the future, dates, politics. You are fixated on the intellectual sphere as a man possessed may be fixated on the sexual: under its spell, sucked into it. *** "Main features of my first impression of hashish" (18 December 1927), ''On Hashish'' (2006), p. 21 * ''Man geht immer die gleichen Wege des Denkens wie vorher. Nur scheinen sie mit Rosen bestreut.'' <!-- Tillman Rexroth (Hg.): Walter Benjamin – Über Haschisch. Frankfurt am Main 1972, S. 68. --> ** You follow the same paths of thought as before. Only, they appear strewn with roses. *** "Main features of my first impression of hashish" (18 December 1927), ''On Hashish'' (2006), p. 22 === ''One Way Street'' (1928) === <small>as translated by E. Jephcott, in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings'', Vol. 1 (1996)</small> * A curious paradox: people have only the narrowest private interest in mind when they act, yet they are at the same time more than ever determined in their behavior by the instincts of the mass. ... The diversity of individual goals is immaterial in face of the identity of the determining forces. ** p. 451 === "The Storyteller" (1936) === <small>Published in ''Illuminations'' (1968)</small> * The art of storytelling is reaching its end because the epic side of truth, wisdom, is dying out. * If sleep is the apogee of physical relaxation, boredom is the apogee of mental relaxation. Boredom is the dream bird that hatches the egg of experience. ** p. 91 === ''{{w|Theses on the Philosophy of History}}'' (1940) === :<small> Written in 1940; first published in German (1950), in English (1955) · Unless otherwise noted, most quotes in this section use the [http://www.sfu.ca/~andrewf/CONCEPT2.html translation by Harry Zohn], published in ''Illuminations'' (1973) edited by [[Hannah Arendt]] · [http://members.efn.org/~dredmond/ThesesonHistory.html Dennis Redmond translation online (2001)] </small> [[File:Flickr - DVIDSHUB - "Ghar" Mountain.jpg|thumb|Our coming was expected on [[earth]]. Like every generation that preceded us, we have been endowed with a weak Messianic power, a [[power]] to which the [[past]] has a claim. That claim cannot be settled cheaply.]] [[File:The Brazen Serpent, Mount Nebo.jpg|thumb|There is no document of [[civilization]] which is not at the same [[time]] a document of barbarism.]] [[File:Klee, Angelus novus.png|thumb|This is how one pictures the [[angel]] of [[history]]. His [[face]] is turned toward the [[past]]. Where we perceive a chain of events, he sees one single catastrophe which keeps piling wreckage upon wreckage and hurls it in front of his feet...]] *Our image of [[happiness]] is indissolubly bound up with the image of the [[past]]. ** II * '''There is a secret agreement between past generations and the present one.''' Our coming was expected on earth. Like every generation that preceded us, we have been endowed with a weak Messianic power, a [[power]] to which the past has a claim. '''That claim cannot be settled cheaply.''' ** II * '''[[Nothing]] that has ever happened should be regarded as lost for [[history]].''' To be sure, only a redeemed mankind receives the fullness of its past — which is to say, only a redeemed mankind has its past become citable in all its moments. Each moment it has lived becomes a ''citation à l'ordre du jour'' — and that day is [[Judgement Day]]. ** III * The true picture of the past flits by. The past can be seized only as an image which flashes up at the instant when it can be recognized and is never seen again. ** V * The good tidings which the historian of the past brings with throbbing [[heart]] may be lost in a void the very moment he opens his mouth. ** V * '''To articulate the past historically does not mean to recognize it ‘the way it really was’ ([[w:Leopold von Ranke|Ranke]]). It means to seize hold of a [[memory]] as it flashes up at a [[moment]] of [[danger]].''' [[Historical materialism]] wishes to retain that image of the past which unexpectedly appears to man singled out by history at a moment of danger. The danger affects both the content of the tradition and its receivers. The same threat hangs over both: that of becoming a tool of the ruling classes. '''In every era the attempt must be made anew to wrest tradition away from a [[conformism]] that is about to overpower it. The [[Messiah]] comes not only as the [[redeemer]], he comes as the subduer of Antichrist.''' Only that historian will have the gift of fanning the spark of hope in the past who is firmly convinced that ''even the dead'' will not be safe from the enemy if he wins. And this enemy has not ceased to be victorious. ** Variant translation: ** '''To articulate what is past does not mean to recognize “how it really was.” It means to take control of a [[memory]], as it flashes in a [[moment]] of [[danger]].''' For historical materialism it is a question of holding fast to a picture of the past, just as if it had unexpectedly thrust itself, in a moment of danger, on the historical subject. The danger threatens the stock of tradition as much as its recipients. For both it is one and the same: handing itself over as the tool of the ruling classes. '''In every epoch, the attempt must be made to deliver tradition anew from the conformism which is on the point of overwhelming it. For the [[Messiah]] arrives not merely as the [[Redeemer]]; he also arrives as the vanquisher of the Anti-christ.''' The only writer of history with the gift of setting alight the sparks of hope in the past, is the one who is convinced of this: that not even the dead will be safe from the enemy, if he is victorious. And this enemy has not ceased to be victorious. *** As translated by Dennis Redmond (2001) * ''Es ist niemals ein Dokument der Kultur, ohne zugleich ein solches der Barbarei zu sein.'' ** '''There is no document of [[civilization]] which is not at the same time a document of barbarism.''' ** VII * The nature of this melancholy becomes clearer, once one asks the question, with whom does the historical writer of [[historicism]] actually empathize. The answer is irrefutably with the victor. Those who currently rule are however the heirs of all those who have ever been victorious. Empathy with the victors thus comes to benefit the current rulers every time. ** VII, often misquoted as "History is written by the victors" <!--although those words are actually those of [[Nehru]] (1946) see [https://books.google.ca/books?id=d6JZryGvfxYC ''The Quote Verifier: Who Said What, Where, and When'' (2007) by Ralph Keyes], Macmillan, {{ISBN|1429906170}}, 9781429906173 --> * '''The tradition of the oppressed teaches us that the "state of emergency" in which we live is not the exception but the [[rule]].''' We must attain to a conception of history that is in keeping with this insight. Then we shall clearly realize that it is our task to bring about a real state of emergency, and this will improve our position in the struggle against [[Fascism]]. One reason why Fascism has a chance is that in the name of progress its opponents treat it as a historical norm. The current amazement that the things we are experiencing are "still" possible in the twentieth century is not philosophical. This amazement is not the beginning of knowledge — unless it is the knowledge that the view of history which gives rise to it is untenable. ** VIII * A Klee painting named ‘[[w:Angelus Novus|Angelus Novus]]’ shows an angel looking as though he is about to move away from something he is fixedly contemplating. His eyes are staring, his mouth is open, his wings are spread. This is how one pictures the [[angel]] of [[history]]. His [[face]] is turned toward the past. Where we perceive a chain of events, he sees one single catastrophe which keeps piling wreckage upon wreckage and hurls it in front of his feet. The angel would like to stay, awaken the [[dead]], and make whole what has been smashed. But a [[storm]] is blowing in from [[Paradise]]; it has got caught in his wings with such [[violence]] that the angel can no longer close them. This storm irresistibly propels him into the [[future]] to which his back is turned, while the pile of debris before him grows [[Sky|skyward]]. '''This storm is what we call [[progress]].''' ** IX * The historical materialist leaves it to others to be drained by the whore called "Once upon a time" in historicism's bordello. ** XVI * '''Thinking involves not only the flow of [[thoughts]], but their arrest as well.''' ** XVII * The nourishing fruit of the historically understood contains time as a precious but tasteless seed. ** XVII * The [[present]], which, as a model of Messianic time, comprises the entire history of mankind in an enormous abridgment, coincides with the stature which the history of mankind has in the [[universe]]. ** XVIII * We know that the Jews were prohibited from investigating the [[future]]. The Torah and the prayers instruct them in [[remembrance]], however. This stripped the future of its [[magic]], to which all those succumb who turn to the soothsayers for enlightenment. This did not imply, however, that for the Jews the future turned into homogeneous empty time. For '''every second of [[time]] was the straight gate through which the [[Messiah]] might enter.''' ** Note B === ''[[w:Arcades Project|Arcades Project]]'' (1927-1940) === [[File:Passage Choiseul, 16 May 2013.jpg|thumb|right|Only a thoughtless observer can deny that correspondences come into play between the [[world]] of modern [[technology]] and the archaic [[symbol]]-world of [[mythology]].]] :<small>Ed. Roy Tiedemann, trans. Howard Eiland and Kevin McLaughlin (Harvard University: Harvard UP, 1999)</small> * '''Only a thoughtless observer can deny that correspondences come into play between the [[world]] of modern [[technology]] and the archaic [[symbol]]-world of [[mythology]].''' * [[History]] breaks down in images not into stories. * In the fields with which we are concerned knowledge exists only in [[lightning]] flashes. The text is the [[thunder]] rolling long afterwards. ==Quotes about Benjamin== *Walter Benjamin, who observes that stories transform the storyteller as well as the listeners. **[[Kathleen Alcalá]] [https://fictionwritersreview.com/interview/remaking-the-world-an-interview-with-kathleen-alcala/ Interview] (2021) *Postmodernism, like Walter Benjamin's 'mechanical reproduction', seeks to dismantle the intimidating aura of high-modernist culture with a more demotic, user-friendly art, suspecting all hierarchies of value as privileged and elitist. There is no better or worse, just different. ** [[Terry Eagleton]] (1983, 1996), ''Literary Theory: An Introduction'', second edition, University of Minnesota Press, {{ISBN|0-8166-1251-X}}, p 202 * [Benjamin] must surely be among the 20th century's most overrated writers. Paris, Berlin, Moscow, Karl Kraus—Benjamin could render the juiciest of subjects arid. ** [[w:Joseph Epstein (writer)|Joseph Epstein]] (2011). "A Very Public Intellectual", ''The Wall Street Journal'' (2 April 2011) * [A]n enormous Anglo-American industry of post-structuralist and postmodernist interpretation has grown up around the translations we have, distorting Benjamin’s real concerns. Apart from specialists familiar with the German background to his work, English-speaking readers are probably no closer to understanding Benjamin’s writings than they were when Hannah Arendt first introduced him in America over twenty-five years ago. ** [[w:Mark Lilla|Mark Lilla]], "The Riddle of Walter Benjamin", ''The New York Review of Books'' (25 May 1995) == External links == {{wikipedia}} * [http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/benjamin/ Profile at the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy] * [https://www.marxists.org/reference/archive/benjamin/index.htm Walter Benjamin Archive at marxists.org] {{DEFAULTSORT:Benjamin, Walter}} [[Category:Philosophers from Germany]] [[Category:Literary critics]] [[Category:Social critics]] [[Category:German Jews]] [[Category:1892 births]] [[Category:1940 deaths]] [[Category:People from Berlin]] [[Category:Marxist humanists]] [[Category:Critical theory]] [[Category:Aphorists]] [[Category:Political authors]] [[Category:Essayists from Germany]] [[Category:Literary critics]] [[Category:Translators from Germany]] [[Category:Mystics]] [[Category:Suicides]] [[cs:Walter Benjamin]] [[de:Walter Benjamin]] [[es:Walter Benjamin]] [[eo:Walter Benjamin]] [[gl:Walter Benjamin]] [[it:Walter Benjamin]] [[he:ולטר בנימין]] [[pl:Walter Benjamin]] [[pt:Walter Benjamin]] [[ru:Вальтер Беньямин]] [[sk:Walter Benjamin]] [[sl:Walter Benjamin]] [[tr:Walter Benjamin]] [[uk:Вальтер Беньямін]] ijqpsk4c4ec27yqeh8xsqzipm45shxk 3778947 3778946 2025-07-15T00:36:40Z Kalki 71 /* Quotes */ add image 3778947 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Walter Benjamin vers 1928.jpg|thumb|right| All [[purposeful]] manifestations of [[life]], including their very purposiveness, in the final [[analysis]] have their [[end]] not in life but in the expression of its nature, in the representation of its [[significance]].]] '''[[w:Walter Benjamin|Walter Bendix Schönflies Benjamin]]''' ([[15 July]] [[1892]] – [[27 September]] [[1940]]) was a [[w:Germany|German]] [[w:Jew|Jewish]] [[w:Literary criticism|literary critic]] and [[w:philosopher|philosopher]]. He was at times associated with the [[w:Frankfurt School|Frankfurt School]] of [[w:critical theory|critical theory]], and was also greatly inspired by the Marxism of [[Bertolt Brecht]] and the Jewish [[mysticism]] of [[Gershom Scholem]]. == Quotes == [[File:Youth Axel Törneman 1919.jpg|thumb|right|Nothing is so hateful to the [[philistine]] as the "dreams of his youth." ... For what appeared to him in his dreams was the voice of the spirit, calling him once, as it does everyone. It is of this that youth always reminds him, eternally and ominously. That is why he is antagonistic toward youth.]] [[File:Grab Walter Benjamin.jpg|thumb| I would like to metamorphose into a mouse-mountain.]] [[File:Nebo04(js).jpg|thumb|right|Things are only mannequins and even the great world-historical events are only costumes beneath which they exchange glances with [[nothingness]].]] [[File:BrazenSerpent.JPG |thumb|This strange form — it may be called fleeting or [[eternal]] — is in neither case the stuff that [[life]] is made of.]] [[File:European Central Bank 041107.jpg|thumb|right|[[Capitalism]] is presumably the first case of a blaming, rather than a repenting cult. ... An enormous feeling of guilt not itself knowing how to repent, grasps at the cult, not in order to repent for this guilt, but to make it universal, to hammer it into consciousness and finally and above all to include God himself in this guilt.]] * Nothing is so hateful to the [[philistine]] as the "[[dreams]] of his youth." ... For what appeared to him in his dreams was the voice of the [[spirit]], calling him once, as it does everyone. It is of ''this'' that youth always reminds him, [[eternally]] and ominously. That is why he is antagonistic toward youth. ** "Experience" (1913) as translated by L. Spencer and S. Jost, in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings'', Vol. 1 (1996), pp. 4-5 * Because he never raises his eyes to the great and the meaningful, the philistine has taken experience as his gospel. It has become for him a message about life's commonness. But he has never grasped that there exists something other than experience, that there are values—inexperienceable—which we serve. ** "Experience" (1913) as translated by L. Spencer and S. Jost, in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings'', Vol. 1 (1996), p. 4 * In what time does man live? The thinkers have always known that he does not live in any time at all. The immortality of thoughts and deeds banishes him to a timeless realm at whose heart an inscrutable death lies in wait. ... Devoured by the countless demands of the moment, time slipped away from him; the medium in which the pure melody of his youth would swell was destroyed. The fulfilled tranquility in which his late maturity would ripen was stolen from him. It was purloined by everyday reality, which, with its events, chance occurrences, and obligations, disrupted the myriad opportunities of youthful time, immortal time. ... From day to day, second to second, the self preserves itself, clinging to that instrument: time, the instrument that it was supposed to play. ** "The Metaphysics of Youth," in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings'', Vol. 1 (1996), pp. 10-11 * ''Jede Äußerung menschlichen Geisteslebens kann als eine Art der Sprache aufgefaßt werden, und diese Auffassung erschließt nach Art einer wahrhaften Methode überall neue Fragestellungen.'' ** Every expression of human mental life can be understood as a kind of language, and this understanding, in the manner of a true method, everywhere raises new questions. *** "On Language as Such and on the Language of Man" (1916), translated by E. Jephcott, in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings'', Vol. 1 (1996), p. 62 * ''Zur Verknechtung der Sprache im Geschwätz tritt die Verknechtung der Dinge in der Narretei fast als deren unausbleibliche Folge''.<!-- Über Sprache überhaupt und über die Sprache des Menschen --> ** The enslavement of language in prattle is joined by the enslavement of things in folly almost as its inevitable consequence. *** "On Language as Such and on the Language of Man" (1916), translated by E. Jephcott, in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings'', Vol. 1 (1996), p. 72 * I would like to metamorphose into a mouse-mountain. ** ''[http://www.wbenjamin.org/protocol1.html Protocols to the Experiments on Hashish, Opium and Mescaline]'' (1927-1934, English translation 1997) * '''Things are only mannequins and even the great world-historical events are only costumes beneath which they exchange glances with nothingness.''' ** ''Protocols to the Experiments on Hashish, Opium and Mescaline'' (1927-1934) * … für den wahren Sammler ist die Erwerbung eines alten Buches dessen Wiedergeburt. … Die alte Welt erneuern – das ist der tiefste Trieb im Wunsch des Sammlers, Neues zu erwerben, und darum steht der Sammler älterer Bücher dem Quell des Sammelns näher als der Interessent für bibliophile Neudrucke.<br>''translation'':<br>… for the true collector, acquiring an old book is its rebirth. … Renewing the old world — this is the deepest drive in the collector's desire to acquire new things, and that is why the collector of older books is closer to the source of collecting than the person interested in bibliophile reprints. * [https://www.textlog.de/benjamin/kleine-prosa/denkbilder/packe-bibliothek-aus ''Ich packe meine Bibliothek aus''] ("Unpacking my library", 1931), p. 2 * '''Of all the ways of acquiring [[books]], [[writing]] them oneself is regarded as the most praiseworthy method.''' … Writers are really people who write books not because they are poor, but because they are dissatisfied with the books which they could buy but do not like. ** ''Unpacking my Library: A Talk About Book Collecting'' (1931) * The destructive character knows only one watchword: make room. And only one activity: clearing away. His need for fresh air and open space is stronger than any hatred. ** "The Destructive Character" ''Frankfurter Zeitung'' (20 November 1931) * Reminiscences, even extensive ones, do not always amount to an autobiography. … For even if months and years appear here, it is in the form they have in the moment of recollection. This strange form — it may be called fleeting or eternal — is in neither case the stuff that life is made of. ** ''A Berlin Chronicle'' (1932–, unfinished), in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings – vol. 2, pt. 2: 1931-1934'', ed. Michael William Jennings, Harvard University Press, 2005, p. 612 * Mechanical reproduction emancipates the work of art from its parasitical dependence on ritual. To an ever greater degree the work of art reproduced becomes the work of art designed for reproducibility. From a photographic negative, for example, one can make any number of prints; to ask for the “authentic” print makes no sense. But the instant the criterion of authenticity ceases to be applicable to artistic production, the total function of art is reversed. Instead of being based on ritual, it begins to be based on another practice – politics. ** ''Das Kunstwerk im Zeitalter seiner Reproduzierbarkeit'' ''[[w:The Work of Art in the Age of Mechanical_Reproduction| The Work of Art in the Age of Mechanical Reproduction]]'' (1935) * There is no muse of philosophy, nor is there one of translation. ** "The Task of the Translator," translated by Harry Zohn === The Life of Students (1915) === [[File:WalterBenjaminStagesOfLife.JPG|thumb|right|Scholarship, far from leading inexorably to a profession, may in fact preclude it. For it does not permit you to abandon it.]] :<small>"Das Leben der Studenten," first published in ''Der neue Merkur'', as translated by R. Livingstone, in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings – vol. 1: 1913-1926'', ed. Michael William Jennings, Harvard University Press, 1996, pp. 37-47</small> * ''An das Leben der Studenten tritt die Frage nach seiner bewußten Einheit heran. ... Das Auszeichnende im Studentenleben ist in der Tat der Gegenwille, sich einem Prinzip zu unterwerfen, mit der Idee sich zu durchdringen. Der Name der Wissenschaft dient vorzüglich, eine tiefeingesessene, verbürgerte Indifferenz zu verbergen.'' ** The question to address is that of the conscious unity of student life ... the will to submit to a principle, to identify completely with an idea. The concept of "science" or scholarly discipline serves primarily to conceal a deep-rooted bourgeois indifference. * ''Der Beruf folgt so wenig aus der Wissenschaft, dass sie ihn sogar ausschließen kann. Denn die Wissenschaft duldet ihrem Wesen nach keine Lösung von sich.'' ** Scholarship, far from leading inexorably to a profession, may in fact preclude it. For it does not permit you to abandon it. * The true sign of decadence is not the collusion of the university and the state (something that is by no means incompatible with honest barbarity), but the theory and guarantee of academic freedom, when in reality people assume with brutal simplicity that the aim of study is to steer its disciples to a socially conceived individuality. * Everyone who achieves strives for totality, and the value of his achievement lies in that totality&mdash;that is, in the fact that the whole, undivided nature of a human being should be expressed in his achievement. But when determined by our society, as we see it today, achievement does not express a totality; it is completely fragmented and derivative. It is not uncommon for the community to be the site where a joint and covert struggle is waged against higher ambitions and more personal goals. ... The socially relevant achievement of the average person serves in the vast majority of cases to repress the original and nonderivative, inner aspirations of the human being. === The Concept of Criticism in [[w:German Romanticism|German Romanticism]] (1919) === <small>"Der Begriff der Kunstkritik in der deutschen Romantik" as translated by David Lachterman, Howard Eiland and Ian Balfour, in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings – vol. 1: 1913-1926'', ed. Michael William Jennings, Harvard University Press, 1996, pp. 116-200</small> * ''Für die Romantiker und für die spekulative Philosophie bedeutete der Terminus kritisch: objektiv produktiv, schöpferisch aus Besonnenheit. Kritisch sein hieß die Erhebung des Denkens über alle Bindungen so weit treiben, daß gleichsam zauberisch aus der Einsicht in das Falsche der Bindungen die Erkenntnis der Wahrheit sich schwang.'' ** For the [[w:German Romanticism|Romantics]] and for speculative philosophy, ... to be critical meant to elevate thinking so far beyond all restrictive conditions that the knowledge of truth sprang forth magically, as it were, from insight into the falsehood of these restrictions. * The critic does not pass judgment on the work; rather, art itself passes judgment, either by taking up the work in the medium of criticism or by rejecting it and thereby appraising it as beneath all criticism. ** p. 161 === The Task of the Translator (1920) === <!-- |thumb|[[Art]] ... posits man's [[physical]] and [[spiritual]] [[existence]], but in none of its works is it concerned with his attentiveness. No [[poem]] is intended for the reader, no picture for the beholder, no symphony for the audience.]] --> <small>"Die Aufgabe des Übersetzers," as translated by Rodney Livingstone, in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings – vol. 1: 1913-1926'', ed. Michael William Jennings, Harvard University Press, 1996, pp. 253-263</small> * ''Nirgends erweist sich einem Kunstwerk oder einer Kunstform gegenüber die Rücksicht auf den Aufnehmenden für deren Erkenntnis fruchtbar. Nicht genug, dass jede Beziehung auf ein bestimmtes Publikum oder dessen Repräsentanten vom Wege abführt, ist sogar der Begriff eines "idealen" Aufnehmenden in allen kunsttheoretischen Erörterungen vom Übel, weil diese lediglich gehalten sind, Dasein und Wesen des Menschen überhaupt vorauszusetzen. So setzt auch die Kunst selbst dessen leibliches und geistiges Wesen voraus&mdash;seine Aufmerksamkeit aber in keinem ihrer Werke. Denn kein Gedicht gilt dem Leser, kein Bild dem Beschauer, keine Symphonie der Hörerschaft.'' ** In the appreciation of a work of art or an art form, consideration of the receiver never proves fruitful. Not only is any reference to a particular public or its representatives misleading, but even the concept of an "ideal" receiver is detrimental in the theoretical consideration of art, since all it posits is the existence and nature of man as such. Art, in the same way, posits man's physical and spiritual existence, but in none of its works is it concerned with his attentiveness. No poem is intended for the reader, no picture for the beholder, no symphony for the audience. * Besteht das Original nicht um dessentwillen, wie ließe sich dann die Übersetzung aus dieser Beziehung verstehen? ** If the original does not exist for the reader's sake, how could the translation be understood on the basis of this premise? * So dürfte von einem unvergeßlichen Leben oder Augenblick gesprochen werden, auch wenn alle Menschen sie vergessen hätten. Wenn nämlich deren Wesen es forderte, nicht vergessen zu werden, so würde jenes Prädikat nichts Falsches, sondern nur eine Forderung, der Menschen nicht entsprechen, und zugleich auch wohl den Verweis auf einen Bereich enthalten, in dem ihr entsprochen wäre: auf ein Gedenken Gottes. ** One might, for example, speak of an unforgettable life or moment even if all men had forgotten it. If the nature of such a life or moment required that it be unforgotten, that predicate would imply not a falsehood but merely a claim unfulfilled by men, and probably also a reference to a realm in which it ''is'' fulfilled: God's remembrance. * ''Alle zweckmäßigen Lebenserscheinungen wie ihre Zweckmäßigkeit überhaupt sind letzten Endes zweckmäßig nicht für das Leben, sondern für den Ausdruck seines Wesens, für die Darstellung seiner Bedeutung.'' ** All purposeful manifestations of life, including their very purposiveness, in the final analysis have their end not in life but in the expression of its nature, in the representation of its significance. === Capitalism as Religion (1921) === :<small>"Kapitalismus als Religion" in ''Gesammelte Schriften'' (1991), Bd. VI, S. 100 – 102</small> * ''Im Kapitalismus ist eine Religion zu erblicken, d.h. der Kapitalismus dient essentiell der Befriedigung derselben Sorgen, Qualen, Unruhen, auf die ehemals die so genannten Religionen Antwort gaben.'' ** A religion may be discerned in capitalism&mdash;that is to say, capitalism serves essentially to allay the same anxieties, torments, and disturbances to which the so-called religions offered answers. *** Translated by Rodney Livingstone in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings, Volume 1'' (Harvard: 1996) * ''Der Kapitalismus ist vermutlich der erste Fall eines nicht entsühnenden, sondern verschuldenden Kultus. ... Ein ungeheures Schuldbewußtsein das sich nicht zu entsühnen weiß, greift zum Kultus, um in ihm diese Schuld nicht zu sühnen, sondern universal zu machen, dem Bewußtsein sie einzuhämmern und endlich und vor allem den Gott selbst in diese Schuld einzubegreifen.'' ** Capitalism is presumably the first case of a blaming, rather than a repenting cult. ... An enormous feeling of guilt not itself knowing how to repent, grasps at the cult, not in order to repent for this guilt, but to make it universal, to hammer it into consciousness and finally and above all to include God himself in this guilt. *** Translated by Chad Kautzer in ''The Frankfurt School on Religion: Key Writings by the Major Thinkers'' (2005), p. 259 === [[Johann Wolfgang von Goethe|Goethe's]] [[w:Elective Affinities|Elective Affinities]] (1924) === :<small>first published in ''Neue Deutsche Beitraege'' (1924), as translated by S. Corngold in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings'', Vol. 1 (1996)</small> * Where the presence of truth should be possible, it can be possible solely under the condition of the recognition of myth&mdash;that is, the recognition of its crushing indifference to truth. ** p. 326 === ''Ursprung des deutschen Trauerspiels'' [''Origin of the German Mourning Play''] (1925) === * Treatises may be didactic in tone, but essentially they lack the conclusiveness of an instruction which could be asserted, like doctrine, by virtue of its own authority. ... Tirelessly the process of thinking makes new beginnings, returning in a roundabout way to its original object. This continual pausing for breath is the mode most proper to the process of contemplation. For by pursuing different levels of meaning in its examination of one single object it receives both the incentive to begin again and the justification for its irregular rhythm. ** p. 28 * Criticism and prophecy must be the two categories that meet in the salvation of the past ** p. 53-54 (trans. John Osborne (London: Verso, 1977) === Main features of my first impression of [[hashish]] (1927) === :<small>Hauptzüge der ersten Haschisch-Impression, December 18, 1927, 3:30 AM</small> * ''Mir schien: Ausgesprochene Unlust, mich über Dinge des praktischen Lebens, Zukunft, Daten, Politik zu unterhalten. Man ist an die intellektuelle Sphäre gebannt wie manchmal Besessene auf die sexuelle, ist von ihr angesaugt.'' ** For me, it was like this: pronounced antipathy to conversing about matters of practical life, the future, dates, politics. You are fixated on the intellectual sphere as a man possessed may be fixated on the sexual: under its spell, sucked into it. *** "Main features of my first impression of hashish" (18 December 1927), ''On Hashish'' (2006), p. 21 * ''Man geht immer die gleichen Wege des Denkens wie vorher. Nur scheinen sie mit Rosen bestreut.'' <!-- Tillman Rexroth (Hg.): Walter Benjamin – Über Haschisch. Frankfurt am Main 1972, S. 68. --> ** You follow the same paths of thought as before. Only, they appear strewn with roses. *** "Main features of my first impression of hashish" (18 December 1927), ''On Hashish'' (2006), p. 22 === ''One Way Street'' (1928) === <small>as translated by E. Jephcott, in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings'', Vol. 1 (1996)</small> * A curious paradox: people have only the narrowest private interest in mind when they act, yet they are at the same time more than ever determined in their behavior by the instincts of the mass. ... The diversity of individual goals is immaterial in face of the identity of the determining forces. ** p. 451 === "The Storyteller" (1936) === <small>Published in ''Illuminations'' (1968)</small> * The art of storytelling is reaching its end because the epic side of truth, wisdom, is dying out. * If sleep is the apogee of physical relaxation, boredom is the apogee of mental relaxation. Boredom is the dream bird that hatches the egg of experience. ** p. 91 === ''{{w|Theses on the Philosophy of History}}'' (1940) === :<small> Written in 1940; first published in German (1950), in English (1955) · Unless otherwise noted, most quotes in this section use the [http://www.sfu.ca/~andrewf/CONCEPT2.html translation by Harry Zohn], published in ''Illuminations'' (1973) edited by [[Hannah Arendt]] · [http://members.efn.org/~dredmond/ThesesonHistory.html Dennis Redmond translation online (2001)] </small> [[File:Flickr - DVIDSHUB - "Ghar" Mountain.jpg|thumb|Our coming was expected on [[earth]]. Like every generation that preceded us, we have been endowed with a weak Messianic power, a [[power]] to which the [[past]] has a claim. That claim cannot be settled cheaply.]] [[File:The Brazen Serpent, Mount Nebo.jpg|thumb|There is no document of [[civilization]] which is not at the same [[time]] a document of barbarism.]] [[File:Stroop Report - Warsaw Ghetto Uprising 09.jpg|thumb|The [[tradition]] of the [[oppressed]] [[teaches]] us that the "state of emergency" in which we live is not the exception but the [[rule]].]] [[File:Klee, Angelus novus.png|thumb|This is how one pictures the [[angel]] of [[history]]. His [[face]] is turned toward the [[past]]. Where we perceive a chain of events, he sees one single catastrophe which keeps piling wreckage upon wreckage and hurls it in front of his feet...]] *Our image of [[happiness]] is indissolubly bound up with the image of the [[past]]. ** II * '''There is a secret agreement between past generations and the present one.''' Our coming was expected on earth. Like every generation that preceded us, we have been endowed with a weak Messianic power, a [[power]] to which the past has a claim. '''That claim cannot be settled cheaply.''' ** II * '''[[Nothing]] that has ever happened should be regarded as lost for [[history]].''' To be sure, only a redeemed mankind receives the fullness of its past — which is to say, only a redeemed mankind has its past become citable in all its moments. Each moment it has lived becomes a ''citation à l'ordre du jour'' — and that day is [[Judgement Day]]. ** III * The true picture of the past flits by. The past can be seized only as an image which flashes up at the instant when it can be recognized and is never seen again. ** V * The good tidings which the historian of the past brings with throbbing [[heart]] may be lost in a void the very moment he opens his mouth. ** V * '''To articulate the past historically does not mean to recognize it ‘the way it really was’ ([[w:Leopold von Ranke|Ranke]]). It means to seize hold of a [[memory]] as it flashes up at a [[moment]] of [[danger]].''' [[Historical materialism]] wishes to retain that image of the past which unexpectedly appears to man singled out by history at a moment of danger. The danger affects both the content of the tradition and its receivers. The same threat hangs over both: that of becoming a tool of the ruling classes. '''In every era the attempt must be made anew to wrest tradition away from a [[conformism]] that is about to overpower it. The [[Messiah]] comes not only as the [[redeemer]], he comes as the subduer of Antichrist.''' Only that historian will have the gift of fanning the spark of hope in the past who is firmly convinced that ''even the dead'' will not be safe from the enemy if he wins. And this enemy has not ceased to be victorious. ** Variant translation: ** '''To articulate what is past does not mean to recognize “how it really was.” It means to take control of a [[memory]], as it flashes in a [[moment]] of [[danger]].''' For historical materialism it is a question of holding fast to a picture of the past, just as if it had unexpectedly thrust itself, in a moment of danger, on the historical subject. The danger threatens the stock of tradition as much as its recipients. For both it is one and the same: handing itself over as the tool of the ruling classes. '''In every epoch, the attempt must be made to deliver tradition anew from the conformism which is on the point of overwhelming it. For the [[Messiah]] arrives not merely as the [[Redeemer]]; he also arrives as the vanquisher of the Anti-christ.''' The only writer of history with the gift of setting alight the sparks of hope in the past, is the one who is convinced of this: that not even the dead will be safe from the enemy, if he is victorious. And this enemy has not ceased to be victorious. *** As translated by Dennis Redmond (2001) * ''Es ist niemals ein Dokument der Kultur, ohne zugleich ein solches der Barbarei zu sein.'' ** '''There is no document of [[civilization]] which is not at the same time a document of barbarism.''' ** VII * The nature of this melancholy becomes clearer, once one asks the question, with whom does the historical writer of [[historicism]] actually empathize. The answer is irrefutably with the victor. Those who currently rule are however the heirs of all those who have ever been victorious. Empathy with the victors thus comes to benefit the current rulers every time. ** VII, often misquoted as "History is written by the victors" <!--although those words are actually those of [[Nehru]] (1946) see [https://books.google.ca/books?id=d6JZryGvfxYC ''The Quote Verifier: Who Said What, Where, and When'' (2007) by Ralph Keyes], Macmillan, {{ISBN|1429906170}}, 9781429906173 --> * '''The tradition of the oppressed teaches us that the "state of emergency" in which we live is not the exception but the [[rule]].''' We must attain to a conception of history that is in keeping with this insight. Then we shall clearly realize that it is our task to bring about a real state of emergency, and this will improve our position in the struggle against [[Fascism]]. One reason why Fascism has a chance is that in the name of progress its opponents treat it as a historical norm. The current amazement that the things we are experiencing are "still" possible in the twentieth century is not philosophical. This amazement is not the beginning of knowledge — unless it is the knowledge that the view of history which gives rise to it is untenable. ** VIII * A Klee painting named ‘[[w:Angelus Novus|Angelus Novus]]’ shows an angel looking as though he is about to move away from something he is fixedly contemplating. His eyes are staring, his mouth is open, his wings are spread. This is how one pictures the [[angel]] of [[history]]. His [[face]] is turned toward the past. Where we perceive a chain of events, he sees one single catastrophe which keeps piling wreckage upon wreckage and hurls it in front of his feet. The angel would like to stay, awaken the [[dead]], and make whole what has been smashed. But a [[storm]] is blowing in from [[Paradise]]; it has got caught in his wings with such [[violence]] that the angel can no longer close them. This storm irresistibly propels him into the [[future]] to which his back is turned, while the pile of debris before him grows [[Sky|skyward]]. '''This storm is what we call [[progress]].''' ** IX * The historical materialist leaves it to others to be drained by the whore called "Once upon a time" in historicism's bordello. ** XVI * '''Thinking involves not only the flow of [[thoughts]], but their arrest as well.''' ** XVII * The nourishing fruit of the historically understood contains time as a precious but tasteless seed. ** XVII * The [[present]], which, as a model of Messianic time, comprises the entire history of mankind in an enormous abridgment, coincides with the stature which the history of mankind has in the [[universe]]. ** XVIII * We know that the Jews were prohibited from investigating the [[future]]. The Torah and the prayers instruct them in [[remembrance]], however. This stripped the future of its [[magic]], to which all those succumb who turn to the soothsayers for enlightenment. This did not imply, however, that for the Jews the future turned into homogeneous empty time. For '''every second of [[time]] was the straight gate through which the [[Messiah]] might enter.''' ** Note B === ''[[w:Arcades Project|Arcades Project]]'' (1927-1940) === [[File:Passage Choiseul, 16 May 2013.jpg|thumb|right|Only a thoughtless observer can deny that correspondences come into play between the [[world]] of modern [[technology]] and the archaic [[symbol]]-world of [[mythology]].]] :<small>Ed. Roy Tiedemann, trans. Howard Eiland and Kevin McLaughlin (Harvard University: Harvard UP, 1999)</small> * '''Only a thoughtless observer can deny that correspondences come into play between the [[world]] of modern [[technology]] and the archaic [[symbol]]-world of [[mythology]].''' * [[History]] breaks down in images not into stories. * In the fields with which we are concerned knowledge exists only in [[lightning]] flashes. The text is the [[thunder]] rolling long afterwards. ==Quotes about Benjamin== *Walter Benjamin, who observes that stories transform the storyteller as well as the listeners. **[[Kathleen Alcalá]] [https://fictionwritersreview.com/interview/remaking-the-world-an-interview-with-kathleen-alcala/ Interview] (2021) *Postmodernism, like Walter Benjamin's 'mechanical reproduction', seeks to dismantle the intimidating aura of high-modernist culture with a more demotic, user-friendly art, suspecting all hierarchies of value as privileged and elitist. There is no better or worse, just different. ** [[Terry Eagleton]] (1983, 1996), ''Literary Theory: An Introduction'', second edition, University of Minnesota Press, {{ISBN|0-8166-1251-X}}, p 202 * [Benjamin] must surely be among the 20th century's most overrated writers. Paris, Berlin, Moscow, Karl Kraus—Benjamin could render the juiciest of subjects arid. ** [[w:Joseph Epstein (writer)|Joseph Epstein]] (2011). "A Very Public Intellectual", ''The Wall Street Journal'' (2 April 2011) * [A]n enormous Anglo-American industry of post-structuralist and postmodernist interpretation has grown up around the translations we have, distorting Benjamin’s real concerns. Apart from specialists familiar with the German background to his work, English-speaking readers are probably no closer to understanding Benjamin’s writings than they were when Hannah Arendt first introduced him in America over twenty-five years ago. ** [[w:Mark Lilla|Mark Lilla]], "The Riddle of Walter Benjamin", ''The New York Review of Books'' (25 May 1995) == External links == {{wikipedia}} * [http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/benjamin/ Profile at the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy] * [https://www.marxists.org/reference/archive/benjamin/index.htm Walter Benjamin Archive at marxists.org] {{DEFAULTSORT:Benjamin, Walter}} [[Category:Philosophers from Germany]] [[Category:Literary critics]] [[Category:Social critics]] [[Category:German Jews]] [[Category:1892 births]] [[Category:1940 deaths]] [[Category:People from Berlin]] [[Category:Marxist humanists]] [[Category:Critical theory]] [[Category:Aphorists]] [[Category:Political authors]] [[Category:Essayists from Germany]] [[Category:Literary critics]] [[Category:Translators from Germany]] [[Category:Mystics]] [[Category:Suicides]] [[cs:Walter Benjamin]] [[de:Walter Benjamin]] [[es:Walter Benjamin]] [[eo:Walter Benjamin]] [[gl:Walter Benjamin]] [[it:Walter Benjamin]] [[he:ולטר בנימין]] [[pl:Walter Benjamin]] [[pt:Walter Benjamin]] [[ru:Вальтер Беньямин]] [[sk:Walter Benjamin]] [[sl:Walter Benjamin]] [[tr:Walter Benjamin]] [[uk:Вальтер Беньямін]] b22qzlrq9092mu22uxbagqhggj2g8vt 3778948 3778947 2025-07-15T00:39:17Z Kalki 71 /* Quotes about Benjamin */ formatting 3778948 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Walter Benjamin vers 1928.jpg|thumb|right| All [[purposeful]] manifestations of [[life]], including their very purposiveness, in the final [[analysis]] have their [[end]] not in life but in the expression of its nature, in the representation of its [[significance]].]] '''[[w:Walter Benjamin|Walter Bendix Schönflies Benjamin]]''' ([[15 July]] [[1892]] – [[27 September]] [[1940]]) was a [[w:Germany|German]] [[w:Jew|Jewish]] [[w:Literary criticism|literary critic]] and [[w:philosopher|philosopher]]. He was at times associated with the [[w:Frankfurt School|Frankfurt School]] of [[w:critical theory|critical theory]], and was also greatly inspired by the Marxism of [[Bertolt Brecht]] and the Jewish [[mysticism]] of [[Gershom Scholem]]. == Quotes == [[File:Youth Axel Törneman 1919.jpg|thumb|right|Nothing is so hateful to the [[philistine]] as the "dreams of his youth." ... For what appeared to him in his dreams was the voice of the spirit, calling him once, as it does everyone. It is of this that youth always reminds him, eternally and ominously. That is why he is antagonistic toward youth.]] [[File:Grab Walter Benjamin.jpg|thumb| I would like to metamorphose into a mouse-mountain.]] [[File:Nebo04(js).jpg|thumb|right|Things are only mannequins and even the great world-historical events are only costumes beneath which they exchange glances with [[nothingness]].]] [[File:BrazenSerpent.JPG |thumb|This strange form — it may be called fleeting or [[eternal]] — is in neither case the stuff that [[life]] is made of.]] [[File:European Central Bank 041107.jpg|thumb|right|[[Capitalism]] is presumably the first case of a blaming, rather than a repenting cult. ... An enormous feeling of guilt not itself knowing how to repent, grasps at the cult, not in order to repent for this guilt, but to make it universal, to hammer it into consciousness and finally and above all to include God himself in this guilt.]] * Nothing is so hateful to the [[philistine]] as the "[[dreams]] of his youth." ... For what appeared to him in his dreams was the voice of the [[spirit]], calling him once, as it does everyone. It is of ''this'' that youth always reminds him, [[eternally]] and ominously. That is why he is antagonistic toward youth. ** "Experience" (1913) as translated by L. Spencer and S. Jost, in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings'', Vol. 1 (1996), pp. 4-5 * Because he never raises his eyes to the great and the meaningful, the philistine has taken experience as his gospel. It has become for him a message about life's commonness. But he has never grasped that there exists something other than experience, that there are values—inexperienceable—which we serve. ** "Experience" (1913) as translated by L. Spencer and S. Jost, in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings'', Vol. 1 (1996), p. 4 * In what time does man live? The thinkers have always known that he does not live in any time at all. The immortality of thoughts and deeds banishes him to a timeless realm at whose heart an inscrutable death lies in wait. ... Devoured by the countless demands of the moment, time slipped away from him; the medium in which the pure melody of his youth would swell was destroyed. The fulfilled tranquility in which his late maturity would ripen was stolen from him. It was purloined by everyday reality, which, with its events, chance occurrences, and obligations, disrupted the myriad opportunities of youthful time, immortal time. ... From day to day, second to second, the self preserves itself, clinging to that instrument: time, the instrument that it was supposed to play. ** "The Metaphysics of Youth," in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings'', Vol. 1 (1996), pp. 10-11 * ''Jede Äußerung menschlichen Geisteslebens kann als eine Art der Sprache aufgefaßt werden, und diese Auffassung erschließt nach Art einer wahrhaften Methode überall neue Fragestellungen.'' ** Every expression of human mental life can be understood as a kind of language, and this understanding, in the manner of a true method, everywhere raises new questions. *** "On Language as Such and on the Language of Man" (1916), translated by E. Jephcott, in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings'', Vol. 1 (1996), p. 62 * ''Zur Verknechtung der Sprache im Geschwätz tritt die Verknechtung der Dinge in der Narretei fast als deren unausbleibliche Folge''.<!-- Über Sprache überhaupt und über die Sprache des Menschen --> ** The enslavement of language in prattle is joined by the enslavement of things in folly almost as its inevitable consequence. *** "On Language as Such and on the Language of Man" (1916), translated by E. Jephcott, in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings'', Vol. 1 (1996), p. 72 * I would like to metamorphose into a mouse-mountain. ** ''[http://www.wbenjamin.org/protocol1.html Protocols to the Experiments on Hashish, Opium and Mescaline]'' (1927-1934, English translation 1997) * '''Things are only mannequins and even the great world-historical events are only costumes beneath which they exchange glances with nothingness.''' ** ''Protocols to the Experiments on Hashish, Opium and Mescaline'' (1927-1934) * … für den wahren Sammler ist die Erwerbung eines alten Buches dessen Wiedergeburt. … Die alte Welt erneuern – das ist der tiefste Trieb im Wunsch des Sammlers, Neues zu erwerben, und darum steht der Sammler älterer Bücher dem Quell des Sammelns näher als der Interessent für bibliophile Neudrucke.<br>''translation'':<br>… for the true collector, acquiring an old book is its rebirth. … Renewing the old world — this is the deepest drive in the collector's desire to acquire new things, and that is why the collector of older books is closer to the source of collecting than the person interested in bibliophile reprints. * [https://www.textlog.de/benjamin/kleine-prosa/denkbilder/packe-bibliothek-aus ''Ich packe meine Bibliothek aus''] ("Unpacking my library", 1931), p. 2 * '''Of all the ways of acquiring [[books]], [[writing]] them oneself is regarded as the most praiseworthy method.''' … Writers are really people who write books not because they are poor, but because they are dissatisfied with the books which they could buy but do not like. ** ''Unpacking my Library: A Talk About Book Collecting'' (1931) * The destructive character knows only one watchword: make room. And only one activity: clearing away. His need for fresh air and open space is stronger than any hatred. ** "The Destructive Character" ''Frankfurter Zeitung'' (20 November 1931) * Reminiscences, even extensive ones, do not always amount to an autobiography. … For even if months and years appear here, it is in the form they have in the moment of recollection. This strange form — it may be called fleeting or eternal — is in neither case the stuff that life is made of. ** ''A Berlin Chronicle'' (1932–, unfinished), in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings – vol. 2, pt. 2: 1931-1934'', ed. Michael William Jennings, Harvard University Press, 2005, p. 612 * Mechanical reproduction emancipates the work of art from its parasitical dependence on ritual. To an ever greater degree the work of art reproduced becomes the work of art designed for reproducibility. From a photographic negative, for example, one can make any number of prints; to ask for the “authentic” print makes no sense. But the instant the criterion of authenticity ceases to be applicable to artistic production, the total function of art is reversed. Instead of being based on ritual, it begins to be based on another practice – politics. ** ''Das Kunstwerk im Zeitalter seiner Reproduzierbarkeit'' ''[[w:The Work of Art in the Age of Mechanical_Reproduction| The Work of Art in the Age of Mechanical Reproduction]]'' (1935) * There is no muse of philosophy, nor is there one of translation. ** "The Task of the Translator," translated by Harry Zohn === The Life of Students (1915) === [[File:WalterBenjaminStagesOfLife.JPG|thumb|right|Scholarship, far from leading inexorably to a profession, may in fact preclude it. For it does not permit you to abandon it.]] :<small>"Das Leben der Studenten," first published in ''Der neue Merkur'', as translated by R. Livingstone, in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings – vol. 1: 1913-1926'', ed. Michael William Jennings, Harvard University Press, 1996, pp. 37-47</small> * ''An das Leben der Studenten tritt die Frage nach seiner bewußten Einheit heran. ... Das Auszeichnende im Studentenleben ist in der Tat der Gegenwille, sich einem Prinzip zu unterwerfen, mit der Idee sich zu durchdringen. Der Name der Wissenschaft dient vorzüglich, eine tiefeingesessene, verbürgerte Indifferenz zu verbergen.'' ** The question to address is that of the conscious unity of student life ... the will to submit to a principle, to identify completely with an idea. The concept of "science" or scholarly discipline serves primarily to conceal a deep-rooted bourgeois indifference. * ''Der Beruf folgt so wenig aus der Wissenschaft, dass sie ihn sogar ausschließen kann. Denn die Wissenschaft duldet ihrem Wesen nach keine Lösung von sich.'' ** Scholarship, far from leading inexorably to a profession, may in fact preclude it. For it does not permit you to abandon it. * The true sign of decadence is not the collusion of the university and the state (something that is by no means incompatible with honest barbarity), but the theory and guarantee of academic freedom, when in reality people assume with brutal simplicity that the aim of study is to steer its disciples to a socially conceived individuality. * Everyone who achieves strives for totality, and the value of his achievement lies in that totality&mdash;that is, in the fact that the whole, undivided nature of a human being should be expressed in his achievement. But when determined by our society, as we see it today, achievement does not express a totality; it is completely fragmented and derivative. It is not uncommon for the community to be the site where a joint and covert struggle is waged against higher ambitions and more personal goals. ... The socially relevant achievement of the average person serves in the vast majority of cases to repress the original and nonderivative, inner aspirations of the human being. === The Concept of Criticism in [[w:German Romanticism|German Romanticism]] (1919) === <small>"Der Begriff der Kunstkritik in der deutschen Romantik" as translated by David Lachterman, Howard Eiland and Ian Balfour, in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings – vol. 1: 1913-1926'', ed. Michael William Jennings, Harvard University Press, 1996, pp. 116-200</small> * ''Für die Romantiker und für die spekulative Philosophie bedeutete der Terminus kritisch: objektiv produktiv, schöpferisch aus Besonnenheit. Kritisch sein hieß die Erhebung des Denkens über alle Bindungen so weit treiben, daß gleichsam zauberisch aus der Einsicht in das Falsche der Bindungen die Erkenntnis der Wahrheit sich schwang.'' ** For the [[w:German Romanticism|Romantics]] and for speculative philosophy, ... to be critical meant to elevate thinking so far beyond all restrictive conditions that the knowledge of truth sprang forth magically, as it were, from insight into the falsehood of these restrictions. * The critic does not pass judgment on the work; rather, art itself passes judgment, either by taking up the work in the medium of criticism or by rejecting it and thereby appraising it as beneath all criticism. ** p. 161 === The Task of the Translator (1920) === <!-- |thumb|[[Art]] ... posits man's [[physical]] and [[spiritual]] [[existence]], but in none of its works is it concerned with his attentiveness. No [[poem]] is intended for the reader, no picture for the beholder, no symphony for the audience.]] --> <small>"Die Aufgabe des Übersetzers," as translated by Rodney Livingstone, in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings – vol. 1: 1913-1926'', ed. Michael William Jennings, Harvard University Press, 1996, pp. 253-263</small> * ''Nirgends erweist sich einem Kunstwerk oder einer Kunstform gegenüber die Rücksicht auf den Aufnehmenden für deren Erkenntnis fruchtbar. Nicht genug, dass jede Beziehung auf ein bestimmtes Publikum oder dessen Repräsentanten vom Wege abführt, ist sogar der Begriff eines "idealen" Aufnehmenden in allen kunsttheoretischen Erörterungen vom Übel, weil diese lediglich gehalten sind, Dasein und Wesen des Menschen überhaupt vorauszusetzen. So setzt auch die Kunst selbst dessen leibliches und geistiges Wesen voraus&mdash;seine Aufmerksamkeit aber in keinem ihrer Werke. Denn kein Gedicht gilt dem Leser, kein Bild dem Beschauer, keine Symphonie der Hörerschaft.'' ** In the appreciation of a work of art or an art form, consideration of the receiver never proves fruitful. Not only is any reference to a particular public or its representatives misleading, but even the concept of an "ideal" receiver is detrimental in the theoretical consideration of art, since all it posits is the existence and nature of man as such. Art, in the same way, posits man's physical and spiritual existence, but in none of its works is it concerned with his attentiveness. No poem is intended for the reader, no picture for the beholder, no symphony for the audience. * Besteht das Original nicht um dessentwillen, wie ließe sich dann die Übersetzung aus dieser Beziehung verstehen? ** If the original does not exist for the reader's sake, how could the translation be understood on the basis of this premise? * So dürfte von einem unvergeßlichen Leben oder Augenblick gesprochen werden, auch wenn alle Menschen sie vergessen hätten. Wenn nämlich deren Wesen es forderte, nicht vergessen zu werden, so würde jenes Prädikat nichts Falsches, sondern nur eine Forderung, der Menschen nicht entsprechen, und zugleich auch wohl den Verweis auf einen Bereich enthalten, in dem ihr entsprochen wäre: auf ein Gedenken Gottes. ** One might, for example, speak of an unforgettable life or moment even if all men had forgotten it. If the nature of such a life or moment required that it be unforgotten, that predicate would imply not a falsehood but merely a claim unfulfilled by men, and probably also a reference to a realm in which it ''is'' fulfilled: God's remembrance. * ''Alle zweckmäßigen Lebenserscheinungen wie ihre Zweckmäßigkeit überhaupt sind letzten Endes zweckmäßig nicht für das Leben, sondern für den Ausdruck seines Wesens, für die Darstellung seiner Bedeutung.'' ** All purposeful manifestations of life, including their very purposiveness, in the final analysis have their end not in life but in the expression of its nature, in the representation of its significance. === Capitalism as Religion (1921) === :<small>"Kapitalismus als Religion" in ''Gesammelte Schriften'' (1991), Bd. VI, S. 100 – 102</small> * ''Im Kapitalismus ist eine Religion zu erblicken, d.h. der Kapitalismus dient essentiell der Befriedigung derselben Sorgen, Qualen, Unruhen, auf die ehemals die so genannten Religionen Antwort gaben.'' ** A religion may be discerned in capitalism&mdash;that is to say, capitalism serves essentially to allay the same anxieties, torments, and disturbances to which the so-called religions offered answers. *** Translated by Rodney Livingstone in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings, Volume 1'' (Harvard: 1996) * ''Der Kapitalismus ist vermutlich der erste Fall eines nicht entsühnenden, sondern verschuldenden Kultus. ... Ein ungeheures Schuldbewußtsein das sich nicht zu entsühnen weiß, greift zum Kultus, um in ihm diese Schuld nicht zu sühnen, sondern universal zu machen, dem Bewußtsein sie einzuhämmern und endlich und vor allem den Gott selbst in diese Schuld einzubegreifen.'' ** Capitalism is presumably the first case of a blaming, rather than a repenting cult. ... An enormous feeling of guilt not itself knowing how to repent, grasps at the cult, not in order to repent for this guilt, but to make it universal, to hammer it into consciousness and finally and above all to include God himself in this guilt. *** Translated by Chad Kautzer in ''The Frankfurt School on Religion: Key Writings by the Major Thinkers'' (2005), p. 259 === [[Johann Wolfgang von Goethe|Goethe's]] [[w:Elective Affinities|Elective Affinities]] (1924) === :<small>first published in ''Neue Deutsche Beitraege'' (1924), as translated by S. Corngold in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings'', Vol. 1 (1996)</small> * Where the presence of truth should be possible, it can be possible solely under the condition of the recognition of myth&mdash;that is, the recognition of its crushing indifference to truth. ** p. 326 === ''Ursprung des deutschen Trauerspiels'' [''Origin of the German Mourning Play''] (1925) === * Treatises may be didactic in tone, but essentially they lack the conclusiveness of an instruction which could be asserted, like doctrine, by virtue of its own authority. ... Tirelessly the process of thinking makes new beginnings, returning in a roundabout way to its original object. This continual pausing for breath is the mode most proper to the process of contemplation. For by pursuing different levels of meaning in its examination of one single object it receives both the incentive to begin again and the justification for its irregular rhythm. ** p. 28 * Criticism and prophecy must be the two categories that meet in the salvation of the past ** p. 53-54 (trans. John Osborne (London: Verso, 1977) === Main features of my first impression of [[hashish]] (1927) === :<small>Hauptzüge der ersten Haschisch-Impression, December 18, 1927, 3:30 AM</small> * ''Mir schien: Ausgesprochene Unlust, mich über Dinge des praktischen Lebens, Zukunft, Daten, Politik zu unterhalten. Man ist an die intellektuelle Sphäre gebannt wie manchmal Besessene auf die sexuelle, ist von ihr angesaugt.'' ** For me, it was like this: pronounced antipathy to conversing about matters of practical life, the future, dates, politics. You are fixated on the intellectual sphere as a man possessed may be fixated on the sexual: under its spell, sucked into it. *** "Main features of my first impression of hashish" (18 December 1927), ''On Hashish'' (2006), p. 21 * ''Man geht immer die gleichen Wege des Denkens wie vorher. Nur scheinen sie mit Rosen bestreut.'' <!-- Tillman Rexroth (Hg.): Walter Benjamin – Über Haschisch. Frankfurt am Main 1972, S. 68. --> ** You follow the same paths of thought as before. Only, they appear strewn with roses. *** "Main features of my first impression of hashish" (18 December 1927), ''On Hashish'' (2006), p. 22 === ''One Way Street'' (1928) === <small>as translated by E. Jephcott, in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings'', Vol. 1 (1996)</small> * A curious paradox: people have only the narrowest private interest in mind when they act, yet they are at the same time more than ever determined in their behavior by the instincts of the mass. ... The diversity of individual goals is immaterial in face of the identity of the determining forces. ** p. 451 === "The Storyteller" (1936) === <small>Published in ''Illuminations'' (1968)</small> * The art of storytelling is reaching its end because the epic side of truth, wisdom, is dying out. * If sleep is the apogee of physical relaxation, boredom is the apogee of mental relaxation. Boredom is the dream bird that hatches the egg of experience. ** p. 91 === ''{{w|Theses on the Philosophy of History}}'' (1940) === :<small> Written in 1940; first published in German (1950), in English (1955) · Unless otherwise noted, most quotes in this section use the [http://www.sfu.ca/~andrewf/CONCEPT2.html translation by Harry Zohn], published in ''Illuminations'' (1973) edited by [[Hannah Arendt]] · [http://members.efn.org/~dredmond/ThesesonHistory.html Dennis Redmond translation online (2001)] </small> [[File:Flickr - DVIDSHUB - "Ghar" Mountain.jpg|thumb|Our coming was expected on [[earth]]. Like every generation that preceded us, we have been endowed with a weak Messianic power, a [[power]] to which the [[past]] has a claim. That claim cannot be settled cheaply.]] [[File:The Brazen Serpent, Mount Nebo.jpg|thumb|There is no document of [[civilization]] which is not at the same [[time]] a document of barbarism.]] [[File:Stroop Report - Warsaw Ghetto Uprising 09.jpg|thumb|The [[tradition]] of the [[oppressed]] [[teaches]] us that the "state of emergency" in which we live is not the exception but the [[rule]].]] [[File:Klee, Angelus novus.png|thumb|This is how one pictures the [[angel]] of [[history]]. His [[face]] is turned toward the [[past]]. Where we perceive a chain of events, he sees one single catastrophe which keeps piling wreckage upon wreckage and hurls it in front of his feet...]] *Our image of [[happiness]] is indissolubly bound up with the image of the [[past]]. ** II * '''There is a secret agreement between past generations and the present one.''' Our coming was expected on earth. Like every generation that preceded us, we have been endowed with a weak Messianic power, a [[power]] to which the past has a claim. '''That claim cannot be settled cheaply.''' ** II * '''[[Nothing]] that has ever happened should be regarded as lost for [[history]].''' To be sure, only a redeemed mankind receives the fullness of its past — which is to say, only a redeemed mankind has its past become citable in all its moments. Each moment it has lived becomes a ''citation à l'ordre du jour'' — and that day is [[Judgement Day]]. ** III * The true picture of the past flits by. The past can be seized only as an image which flashes up at the instant when it can be recognized and is never seen again. ** V * The good tidings which the historian of the past brings with throbbing [[heart]] may be lost in a void the very moment he opens his mouth. ** V * '''To articulate the past historically does not mean to recognize it ‘the way it really was’ ([[w:Leopold von Ranke|Ranke]]). It means to seize hold of a [[memory]] as it flashes up at a [[moment]] of [[danger]].''' [[Historical materialism]] wishes to retain that image of the past which unexpectedly appears to man singled out by history at a moment of danger. The danger affects both the content of the tradition and its receivers. The same threat hangs over both: that of becoming a tool of the ruling classes. '''In every era the attempt must be made anew to wrest tradition away from a [[conformism]] that is about to overpower it. The [[Messiah]] comes not only as the [[redeemer]], he comes as the subduer of Antichrist.''' Only that historian will have the gift of fanning the spark of hope in the past who is firmly convinced that ''even the dead'' will not be safe from the enemy if he wins. And this enemy has not ceased to be victorious. ** Variant translation: ** '''To articulate what is past does not mean to recognize “how it really was.” It means to take control of a [[memory]], as it flashes in a [[moment]] of [[danger]].''' For historical materialism it is a question of holding fast to a picture of the past, just as if it had unexpectedly thrust itself, in a moment of danger, on the historical subject. The danger threatens the stock of tradition as much as its recipients. For both it is one and the same: handing itself over as the tool of the ruling classes. '''In every epoch, the attempt must be made to deliver tradition anew from the conformism which is on the point of overwhelming it. For the [[Messiah]] arrives not merely as the [[Redeemer]]; he also arrives as the vanquisher of the Anti-christ.''' The only writer of history with the gift of setting alight the sparks of hope in the past, is the one who is convinced of this: that not even the dead will be safe from the enemy, if he is victorious. And this enemy has not ceased to be victorious. *** As translated by Dennis Redmond (2001) * ''Es ist niemals ein Dokument der Kultur, ohne zugleich ein solches der Barbarei zu sein.'' ** '''There is no document of [[civilization]] which is not at the same time a document of barbarism.''' ** VII * The nature of this melancholy becomes clearer, once one asks the question, with whom does the historical writer of [[historicism]] actually empathize. The answer is irrefutably with the victor. Those who currently rule are however the heirs of all those who have ever been victorious. Empathy with the victors thus comes to benefit the current rulers every time. ** VII, often misquoted as "History is written by the victors" <!--although those words are actually those of [[Nehru]] (1946) see [https://books.google.ca/books?id=d6JZryGvfxYC ''The Quote Verifier: Who Said What, Where, and When'' (2007) by Ralph Keyes], Macmillan, {{ISBN|1429906170}}, 9781429906173 --> * '''The tradition of the oppressed teaches us that the "state of emergency" in which we live is not the exception but the [[rule]].''' We must attain to a conception of history that is in keeping with this insight. Then we shall clearly realize that it is our task to bring about a real state of emergency, and this will improve our position in the struggle against [[Fascism]]. One reason why Fascism has a chance is that in the name of progress its opponents treat it as a historical norm. The current amazement that the things we are experiencing are "still" possible in the twentieth century is not philosophical. This amazement is not the beginning of knowledge — unless it is the knowledge that the view of history which gives rise to it is untenable. ** VIII * A Klee painting named ‘[[w:Angelus Novus|Angelus Novus]]’ shows an angel looking as though he is about to move away from something he is fixedly contemplating. His eyes are staring, his mouth is open, his wings are spread. This is how one pictures the [[angel]] of [[history]]. His [[face]] is turned toward the past. Where we perceive a chain of events, he sees one single catastrophe which keeps piling wreckage upon wreckage and hurls it in front of his feet. The angel would like to stay, awaken the [[dead]], and make whole what has been smashed. But a [[storm]] is blowing in from [[Paradise]]; it has got caught in his wings with such [[violence]] that the angel can no longer close them. This storm irresistibly propels him into the [[future]] to which his back is turned, while the pile of debris before him grows [[Sky|skyward]]. '''This storm is what we call [[progress]].''' ** IX * The historical materialist leaves it to others to be drained by the whore called "Once upon a time" in historicism's bordello. ** XVI * '''Thinking involves not only the flow of [[thoughts]], but their arrest as well.''' ** XVII * The nourishing fruit of the historically understood contains time as a precious but tasteless seed. ** XVII * The [[present]], which, as a model of Messianic time, comprises the entire history of mankind in an enormous abridgment, coincides with the stature which the history of mankind has in the [[universe]]. ** XVIII * We know that the Jews were prohibited from investigating the [[future]]. The Torah and the prayers instruct them in [[remembrance]], however. This stripped the future of its [[magic]], to which all those succumb who turn to the soothsayers for enlightenment. This did not imply, however, that for the Jews the future turned into homogeneous empty time. For '''every second of [[time]] was the straight gate through which the [[Messiah]] might enter.''' ** Note B === ''[[w:Arcades Project|Arcades Project]]'' (1927-1940) === [[File:Passage Choiseul, 16 May 2013.jpg|thumb|right|Only a thoughtless observer can deny that correspondences come into play between the [[world]] of modern [[technology]] and the archaic [[symbol]]-world of [[mythology]].]] :<small>Ed. Roy Tiedemann, trans. Howard Eiland and Kevin McLaughlin (Harvard University: Harvard UP, 1999)</small> * '''Only a thoughtless observer can deny that correspondences come into play between the [[world]] of modern [[technology]] and the archaic [[symbol]]-world of [[mythology]].''' * [[History]] breaks down in images not into stories. * In the fields with which we are concerned knowledge exists only in [[lightning]] flashes. The text is the [[thunder]] rolling long afterwards. ==Quotes about Benjamin== *Walter Benjamin, who observes that stories transform the storyteller as well as the listeners. **[[Kathleen Alcalá]] [https://fictionwritersreview.com/interview/remaking-the-world-an-interview-with-kathleen-alcala/ Interview] (2021) *Postmodernism, like Walter Benjamin's 'mechanical reproduction', seeks to dismantle the intimidating aura of high-modernist culture with a more demotic, user-friendly art, suspecting all hierarchies of value as privileged and elitist. There is no better or worse, just different. ** [[Terry Eagleton]] (1983, 1996), ''Literary Theory: An Introduction'', second edition, University of Minnesota Press, {{ISBN|0-8166-1251-X}}, p 202 * [Benjamin] must surely be among the 20th century's most overrated writers. Paris, Berlin, Moscow, Karl Kraus—Benjamin could render the juiciest of subjects arid. ** [[w:Joseph Epstein (writer)|Joseph Epstein]], in "A Very Public Intellectual", ''The Wall Street Journal'' (2 April 2011) * [A]n enormous Anglo-American industry of post-structuralist and postmodernist interpretation has grown up around the translations we have, distorting Benjamin’s real concerns. Apart from specialists familiar with the German background to his work, English-speaking readers are probably no closer to understanding Benjamin’s writings than they were when Hannah Arendt first introduced him in America over twenty-five years ago. ** [[w:Mark Lilla|Mark Lilla]], "The Riddle of Walter Benjamin", ''The New York Review of Books'' (25 May 1995) == External links == {{wikipedia}} * [http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/benjamin/ Profile at the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy] * [https://www.marxists.org/reference/archive/benjamin/index.htm Walter Benjamin Archive at marxists.org] {{DEFAULTSORT:Benjamin, Walter}} [[Category:Philosophers from Germany]] [[Category:Literary critics]] [[Category:Social critics]] [[Category:German Jews]] [[Category:1892 births]] [[Category:1940 deaths]] [[Category:People from Berlin]] [[Category:Marxist humanists]] [[Category:Critical theory]] [[Category:Aphorists]] [[Category:Political authors]] [[Category:Essayists from Germany]] [[Category:Literary critics]] [[Category:Translators from Germany]] [[Category:Mystics]] [[Category:Suicides]] [[cs:Walter Benjamin]] [[de:Walter Benjamin]] [[es:Walter Benjamin]] [[eo:Walter Benjamin]] [[gl:Walter Benjamin]] [[it:Walter Benjamin]] [[he:ולטר בנימין]] [[pl:Walter Benjamin]] [[pt:Walter Benjamin]] [[ru:Вальтер Беньямин]] [[sk:Walter Benjamin]] [[sl:Walter Benjamin]] [[tr:Walter Benjamin]] [[uk:Вальтер Беньямін]] fvka3js6f5o0x935bt3vv9uzrbfp428 3778961 3778948 2025-07-15T01:07:59Z Kalki 71 /* Quotes about Benjamin */ extend a quote for context, add image 3778961 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Walter Benjamin vers 1928.jpg|thumb|right| All [[purposeful]] manifestations of [[life]], including their very purposiveness, in the final [[analysis]] have their [[end]] not in life but in the expression of its nature, in the representation of its [[significance]].]] '''[[w:Walter Benjamin|Walter Bendix Schönflies Benjamin]]''' ([[15 July]] [[1892]] – [[27 September]] [[1940]]) was a [[w:Germany|German]] [[w:Jew|Jewish]] [[w:Literary criticism|literary critic]] and [[w:philosopher|philosopher]]. He was at times associated with the [[w:Frankfurt School|Frankfurt School]] of [[w:critical theory|critical theory]], and was also greatly inspired by the Marxism of [[Bertolt Brecht]] and the Jewish [[mysticism]] of [[Gershom Scholem]]. == Quotes == [[File:Youth Axel Törneman 1919.jpg|thumb|right|Nothing is so hateful to the [[philistine]] as the "dreams of his youth." ... For what appeared to him in his dreams was the voice of the spirit, calling him once, as it does everyone. It is of this that youth always reminds him, eternally and ominously. That is why he is antagonistic toward youth.]] [[File:Grab Walter Benjamin.jpg|thumb| I would like to metamorphose into a mouse-mountain.]] [[File:Nebo04(js).jpg|thumb|right|Things are only mannequins and even the great world-historical events are only costumes beneath which they exchange glances with [[nothingness]].]] [[File:BrazenSerpent.JPG |thumb|This strange form — it may be called fleeting or [[eternal]] — is in neither case the stuff that [[life]] is made of.]] [[File:European Central Bank 041107.jpg|thumb|right|[[Capitalism]] is presumably the first case of a blaming, rather than a repenting cult. ... An enormous feeling of guilt not itself knowing how to repent, grasps at the cult, not in order to repent for this guilt, but to make it universal, to hammer it into consciousness and finally and above all to include God himself in this guilt.]] * Nothing is so hateful to the [[philistine]] as the "[[dreams]] of his youth." ... For what appeared to him in his dreams was the voice of the [[spirit]], calling him once, as it does everyone. It is of ''this'' that youth always reminds him, [[eternally]] and ominously. That is why he is antagonistic toward youth. ** "Experience" (1913) as translated by L. Spencer and S. Jost, in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings'', Vol. 1 (1996), pp. 4-5 * Because he never raises his eyes to the great and the meaningful, the philistine has taken experience as his gospel. It has become for him a message about life's commonness. But he has never grasped that there exists something other than experience, that there are values—inexperienceable—which we serve. ** "Experience" (1913) as translated by L. Spencer and S. Jost, in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings'', Vol. 1 (1996), p. 4 * In what time does man live? The thinkers have always known that he does not live in any time at all. The immortality of thoughts and deeds banishes him to a timeless realm at whose heart an inscrutable death lies in wait. ... Devoured by the countless demands of the moment, time slipped away from him; the medium in which the pure melody of his youth would swell was destroyed. The fulfilled tranquility in which his late maturity would ripen was stolen from him. It was purloined by everyday reality, which, with its events, chance occurrences, and obligations, disrupted the myriad opportunities of youthful time, immortal time. ... From day to day, second to second, the self preserves itself, clinging to that instrument: time, the instrument that it was supposed to play. ** "The Metaphysics of Youth," in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings'', Vol. 1 (1996), pp. 10-11 * ''Jede Äußerung menschlichen Geisteslebens kann als eine Art der Sprache aufgefaßt werden, und diese Auffassung erschließt nach Art einer wahrhaften Methode überall neue Fragestellungen.'' ** Every expression of human mental life can be understood as a kind of language, and this understanding, in the manner of a true method, everywhere raises new questions. *** "On Language as Such and on the Language of Man" (1916), translated by E. Jephcott, in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings'', Vol. 1 (1996), p. 62 * ''Zur Verknechtung der Sprache im Geschwätz tritt die Verknechtung der Dinge in der Narretei fast als deren unausbleibliche Folge''.<!-- Über Sprache überhaupt und über die Sprache des Menschen --> ** The enslavement of language in prattle is joined by the enslavement of things in folly almost as its inevitable consequence. *** "On Language as Such and on the Language of Man" (1916), translated by E. Jephcott, in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings'', Vol. 1 (1996), p. 72 * I would like to metamorphose into a mouse-mountain. ** ''[http://www.wbenjamin.org/protocol1.html Protocols to the Experiments on Hashish, Opium and Mescaline]'' (1927-1934, English translation 1997) * '''Things are only mannequins and even the great world-historical events are only costumes beneath which they exchange glances with nothingness.''' ** ''Protocols to the Experiments on Hashish, Opium and Mescaline'' (1927-1934) * … für den wahren Sammler ist die Erwerbung eines alten Buches dessen Wiedergeburt. … Die alte Welt erneuern – das ist der tiefste Trieb im Wunsch des Sammlers, Neues zu erwerben, und darum steht der Sammler älterer Bücher dem Quell des Sammelns näher als der Interessent für bibliophile Neudrucke.<br>''translation'':<br>… for the true collector, acquiring an old book is its rebirth. … Renewing the old world — this is the deepest drive in the collector's desire to acquire new things, and that is why the collector of older books is closer to the source of collecting than the person interested in bibliophile reprints. * [https://www.textlog.de/benjamin/kleine-prosa/denkbilder/packe-bibliothek-aus ''Ich packe meine Bibliothek aus''] ("Unpacking my library", 1931), p. 2 * '''Of all the ways of acquiring [[books]], [[writing]] them oneself is regarded as the most praiseworthy method.''' … Writers are really people who write books not because they are poor, but because they are dissatisfied with the books which they could buy but do not like. ** ''Unpacking my Library: A Talk About Book Collecting'' (1931) * The destructive character knows only one watchword: make room. And only one activity: clearing away. His need for fresh air and open space is stronger than any hatred. ** "The Destructive Character" ''Frankfurter Zeitung'' (20 November 1931) * Reminiscences, even extensive ones, do not always amount to an autobiography. … For even if months and years appear here, it is in the form they have in the moment of recollection. This strange form — it may be called fleeting or eternal — is in neither case the stuff that life is made of. ** ''A Berlin Chronicle'' (1932–, unfinished), in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings – vol. 2, pt. 2: 1931-1934'', ed. Michael William Jennings, Harvard University Press, 2005, p. 612 * Mechanical reproduction emancipates the work of art from its parasitical dependence on ritual. To an ever greater degree the work of art reproduced becomes the work of art designed for reproducibility. From a photographic negative, for example, one can make any number of prints; to ask for the “authentic” print makes no sense. But the instant the criterion of authenticity ceases to be applicable to artistic production, the total function of art is reversed. Instead of being based on ritual, it begins to be based on another practice – politics. ** ''Das Kunstwerk im Zeitalter seiner Reproduzierbarkeit'' ''[[w:The Work of Art in the Age of Mechanical_Reproduction| The Work of Art in the Age of Mechanical Reproduction]]'' (1935) * There is no muse of philosophy, nor is there one of translation. ** "The Task of the Translator," translated by Harry Zohn === The Life of Students (1915) === [[File:WalterBenjaminStagesOfLife.JPG|thumb|right|Scholarship, far from leading inexorably to a profession, may in fact preclude it. For it does not permit you to abandon it.]] :<small>"Das Leben der Studenten," first published in ''Der neue Merkur'', as translated by R. Livingstone, in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings – vol. 1: 1913-1926'', ed. Michael William Jennings, Harvard University Press, 1996, pp. 37-47</small> * ''An das Leben der Studenten tritt die Frage nach seiner bewußten Einheit heran. ... Das Auszeichnende im Studentenleben ist in der Tat der Gegenwille, sich einem Prinzip zu unterwerfen, mit der Idee sich zu durchdringen. Der Name der Wissenschaft dient vorzüglich, eine tiefeingesessene, verbürgerte Indifferenz zu verbergen.'' ** The question to address is that of the conscious unity of student life ... the will to submit to a principle, to identify completely with an idea. The concept of "science" or scholarly discipline serves primarily to conceal a deep-rooted bourgeois indifference. * ''Der Beruf folgt so wenig aus der Wissenschaft, dass sie ihn sogar ausschließen kann. Denn die Wissenschaft duldet ihrem Wesen nach keine Lösung von sich.'' ** Scholarship, far from leading inexorably to a profession, may in fact preclude it. For it does not permit you to abandon it. * The true sign of decadence is not the collusion of the university and the state (something that is by no means incompatible with honest barbarity), but the theory and guarantee of academic freedom, when in reality people assume with brutal simplicity that the aim of study is to steer its disciples to a socially conceived individuality. * Everyone who achieves strives for totality, and the value of his achievement lies in that totality&mdash;that is, in the fact that the whole, undivided nature of a human being should be expressed in his achievement. But when determined by our society, as we see it today, achievement does not express a totality; it is completely fragmented and derivative. It is not uncommon for the community to be the site where a joint and covert struggle is waged against higher ambitions and more personal goals. ... The socially relevant achievement of the average person serves in the vast majority of cases to repress the original and nonderivative, inner aspirations of the human being. === The Concept of Criticism in [[w:German Romanticism|German Romanticism]] (1919) === <small>"Der Begriff der Kunstkritik in der deutschen Romantik" as translated by David Lachterman, Howard Eiland and Ian Balfour, in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings – vol. 1: 1913-1926'', ed. Michael William Jennings, Harvard University Press, 1996, pp. 116-200</small> * ''Für die Romantiker und für die spekulative Philosophie bedeutete der Terminus kritisch: objektiv produktiv, schöpferisch aus Besonnenheit. Kritisch sein hieß die Erhebung des Denkens über alle Bindungen so weit treiben, daß gleichsam zauberisch aus der Einsicht in das Falsche der Bindungen die Erkenntnis der Wahrheit sich schwang.'' ** For the [[w:German Romanticism|Romantics]] and for speculative philosophy, ... to be critical meant to elevate thinking so far beyond all restrictive conditions that the knowledge of truth sprang forth magically, as it were, from insight into the falsehood of these restrictions. * The critic does not pass judgment on the work; rather, art itself passes judgment, either by taking up the work in the medium of criticism or by rejecting it and thereby appraising it as beneath all criticism. ** p. 161 === The Task of the Translator (1920) === <!-- |thumb|[[Art]] ... posits man's [[physical]] and [[spiritual]] [[existence]], but in none of its works is it concerned with his attentiveness. No [[poem]] is intended for the reader, no picture for the beholder, no symphony for the audience.]] --> <small>"Die Aufgabe des Übersetzers," as translated by Rodney Livingstone, in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings – vol. 1: 1913-1926'', ed. Michael William Jennings, Harvard University Press, 1996, pp. 253-263</small> * ''Nirgends erweist sich einem Kunstwerk oder einer Kunstform gegenüber die Rücksicht auf den Aufnehmenden für deren Erkenntnis fruchtbar. Nicht genug, dass jede Beziehung auf ein bestimmtes Publikum oder dessen Repräsentanten vom Wege abführt, ist sogar der Begriff eines "idealen" Aufnehmenden in allen kunsttheoretischen Erörterungen vom Übel, weil diese lediglich gehalten sind, Dasein und Wesen des Menschen überhaupt vorauszusetzen. So setzt auch die Kunst selbst dessen leibliches und geistiges Wesen voraus&mdash;seine Aufmerksamkeit aber in keinem ihrer Werke. Denn kein Gedicht gilt dem Leser, kein Bild dem Beschauer, keine Symphonie der Hörerschaft.'' ** In the appreciation of a work of art or an art form, consideration of the receiver never proves fruitful. Not only is any reference to a particular public or its representatives misleading, but even the concept of an "ideal" receiver is detrimental in the theoretical consideration of art, since all it posits is the existence and nature of man as such. Art, in the same way, posits man's physical and spiritual existence, but in none of its works is it concerned with his attentiveness. No poem is intended for the reader, no picture for the beholder, no symphony for the audience. * Besteht das Original nicht um dessentwillen, wie ließe sich dann die Übersetzung aus dieser Beziehung verstehen? ** If the original does not exist for the reader's sake, how could the translation be understood on the basis of this premise? * So dürfte von einem unvergeßlichen Leben oder Augenblick gesprochen werden, auch wenn alle Menschen sie vergessen hätten. Wenn nämlich deren Wesen es forderte, nicht vergessen zu werden, so würde jenes Prädikat nichts Falsches, sondern nur eine Forderung, der Menschen nicht entsprechen, und zugleich auch wohl den Verweis auf einen Bereich enthalten, in dem ihr entsprochen wäre: auf ein Gedenken Gottes. ** One might, for example, speak of an unforgettable life or moment even if all men had forgotten it. If the nature of such a life or moment required that it be unforgotten, that predicate would imply not a falsehood but merely a claim unfulfilled by men, and probably also a reference to a realm in which it ''is'' fulfilled: God's remembrance. * ''Alle zweckmäßigen Lebenserscheinungen wie ihre Zweckmäßigkeit überhaupt sind letzten Endes zweckmäßig nicht für das Leben, sondern für den Ausdruck seines Wesens, für die Darstellung seiner Bedeutung.'' ** All purposeful manifestations of life, including their very purposiveness, in the final analysis have their end not in life but in the expression of its nature, in the representation of its significance. === Capitalism as Religion (1921) === :<small>"Kapitalismus als Religion" in ''Gesammelte Schriften'' (1991), Bd. VI, S. 100 – 102</small> * ''Im Kapitalismus ist eine Religion zu erblicken, d.h. der Kapitalismus dient essentiell der Befriedigung derselben Sorgen, Qualen, Unruhen, auf die ehemals die so genannten Religionen Antwort gaben.'' ** A religion may be discerned in capitalism&mdash;that is to say, capitalism serves essentially to allay the same anxieties, torments, and disturbances to which the so-called religions offered answers. *** Translated by Rodney Livingstone in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings, Volume 1'' (Harvard: 1996) * ''Der Kapitalismus ist vermutlich der erste Fall eines nicht entsühnenden, sondern verschuldenden Kultus. ... Ein ungeheures Schuldbewußtsein das sich nicht zu entsühnen weiß, greift zum Kultus, um in ihm diese Schuld nicht zu sühnen, sondern universal zu machen, dem Bewußtsein sie einzuhämmern und endlich und vor allem den Gott selbst in diese Schuld einzubegreifen.'' ** Capitalism is presumably the first case of a blaming, rather than a repenting cult. ... An enormous feeling of guilt not itself knowing how to repent, grasps at the cult, not in order to repent for this guilt, but to make it universal, to hammer it into consciousness and finally and above all to include God himself in this guilt. *** Translated by Chad Kautzer in ''The Frankfurt School on Religion: Key Writings by the Major Thinkers'' (2005), p. 259 === [[Johann Wolfgang von Goethe|Goethe's]] [[w:Elective Affinities|Elective Affinities]] (1924) === :<small>first published in ''Neue Deutsche Beitraege'' (1924), as translated by S. Corngold in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings'', Vol. 1 (1996)</small> * Where the presence of truth should be possible, it can be possible solely under the condition of the recognition of myth&mdash;that is, the recognition of its crushing indifference to truth. ** p. 326 === ''Ursprung des deutschen Trauerspiels'' [''Origin of the German Mourning Play''] (1925) === * Treatises may be didactic in tone, but essentially they lack the conclusiveness of an instruction which could be asserted, like doctrine, by virtue of its own authority. ... Tirelessly the process of thinking makes new beginnings, returning in a roundabout way to its original object. This continual pausing for breath is the mode most proper to the process of contemplation. For by pursuing different levels of meaning in its examination of one single object it receives both the incentive to begin again and the justification for its irregular rhythm. ** p. 28 * Criticism and prophecy must be the two categories that meet in the salvation of the past ** p. 53-54 (trans. John Osborne (London: Verso, 1977) === Main features of my first impression of [[hashish]] (1927) === :<small>Hauptzüge der ersten Haschisch-Impression, December 18, 1927, 3:30 AM</small> * ''Mir schien: Ausgesprochene Unlust, mich über Dinge des praktischen Lebens, Zukunft, Daten, Politik zu unterhalten. Man ist an die intellektuelle Sphäre gebannt wie manchmal Besessene auf die sexuelle, ist von ihr angesaugt.'' ** For me, it was like this: pronounced antipathy to conversing about matters of practical life, the future, dates, politics. You are fixated on the intellectual sphere as a man possessed may be fixated on the sexual: under its spell, sucked into it. *** "Main features of my first impression of hashish" (18 December 1927), ''On Hashish'' (2006), p. 21 * ''Man geht immer die gleichen Wege des Denkens wie vorher. Nur scheinen sie mit Rosen bestreut.'' <!-- Tillman Rexroth (Hg.): Walter Benjamin – Über Haschisch. Frankfurt am Main 1972, S. 68. --> ** You follow the same paths of thought as before. Only, they appear strewn with roses. *** "Main features of my first impression of hashish" (18 December 1927), ''On Hashish'' (2006), p. 22 === ''One Way Street'' (1928) === <small>as translated by E. Jephcott, in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings'', Vol. 1 (1996)</small> * A curious paradox: people have only the narrowest private interest in mind when they act, yet they are at the same time more than ever determined in their behavior by the instincts of the mass. ... The diversity of individual goals is immaterial in face of the identity of the determining forces. ** p. 451 === "The Storyteller" (1936) === <small>Published in ''Illuminations'' (1968)</small> * The art of storytelling is reaching its end because the epic side of truth, wisdom, is dying out. * If sleep is the apogee of physical relaxation, boredom is the apogee of mental relaxation. Boredom is the dream bird that hatches the egg of experience. ** p. 91 === ''{{w|Theses on the Philosophy of History}}'' (1940) === :<small> Written in 1940; first published in German (1950), in English (1955) · Unless otherwise noted, most quotes in this section use the [http://www.sfu.ca/~andrewf/CONCEPT2.html translation by Harry Zohn], published in ''Illuminations'' (1973) edited by [[Hannah Arendt]] · [http://members.efn.org/~dredmond/ThesesonHistory.html Dennis Redmond translation online (2001)] </small> [[File:Flickr - DVIDSHUB - "Ghar" Mountain.jpg|thumb|Our coming was expected on [[earth]]. Like every generation that preceded us, we have been endowed with a weak Messianic power, a [[power]] to which the [[past]] has a claim. That claim cannot be settled cheaply.]] [[File:The Brazen Serpent, Mount Nebo.jpg|thumb|There is no document of [[civilization]] which is not at the same [[time]] a document of barbarism.]] [[File:Stroop Report - Warsaw Ghetto Uprising 09.jpg|thumb|The [[tradition]] of the [[oppressed]] [[teaches]] us that the "state of emergency" in which we live is not the exception but the [[rule]].]] [[File:Klee, Angelus novus.png|thumb|This is how one pictures the [[angel]] of [[history]]. His [[face]] is turned toward the [[past]]. Where we perceive a chain of events, he sees one single catastrophe which keeps piling wreckage upon wreckage and hurls it in front of his feet...]] *Our image of [[happiness]] is indissolubly bound up with the image of the [[past]]. ** II * '''There is a secret agreement between past generations and the present one.''' Our coming was expected on earth. Like every generation that preceded us, we have been endowed with a weak Messianic power, a [[power]] to which the past has a claim. '''That claim cannot be settled cheaply.''' ** II * '''[[Nothing]] that has ever happened should be regarded as lost for [[history]].''' To be sure, only a redeemed mankind receives the fullness of its past — which is to say, only a redeemed mankind has its past become citable in all its moments. Each moment it has lived becomes a ''citation à l'ordre du jour'' — and that day is [[Judgement Day]]. ** III * The true picture of the past flits by. The past can be seized only as an image which flashes up at the instant when it can be recognized and is never seen again. ** V * The good tidings which the historian of the past brings with throbbing [[heart]] may be lost in a void the very moment he opens his mouth. ** V * '''To articulate the past historically does not mean to recognize it ‘the way it really was’ ([[w:Leopold von Ranke|Ranke]]). It means to seize hold of a [[memory]] as it flashes up at a [[moment]] of [[danger]].''' [[Historical materialism]] wishes to retain that image of the past which unexpectedly appears to man singled out by history at a moment of danger. The danger affects both the content of the tradition and its receivers. The same threat hangs over both: that of becoming a tool of the ruling classes. '''In every era the attempt must be made anew to wrest tradition away from a [[conformism]] that is about to overpower it. The [[Messiah]] comes not only as the [[redeemer]], he comes as the subduer of Antichrist.''' Only that historian will have the gift of fanning the spark of hope in the past who is firmly convinced that ''even the dead'' will not be safe from the enemy if he wins. And this enemy has not ceased to be victorious. ** Variant translation: ** '''To articulate what is past does not mean to recognize “how it really was.” It means to take control of a [[memory]], as it flashes in a [[moment]] of [[danger]].''' For historical materialism it is a question of holding fast to a picture of the past, just as if it had unexpectedly thrust itself, in a moment of danger, on the historical subject. The danger threatens the stock of tradition as much as its recipients. For both it is one and the same: handing itself over as the tool of the ruling classes. '''In every epoch, the attempt must be made to deliver tradition anew from the conformism which is on the point of overwhelming it. For the [[Messiah]] arrives not merely as the [[Redeemer]]; he also arrives as the vanquisher of the Anti-christ.''' The only writer of history with the gift of setting alight the sparks of hope in the past, is the one who is convinced of this: that not even the dead will be safe from the enemy, if he is victorious. And this enemy has not ceased to be victorious. *** As translated by Dennis Redmond (2001) * ''Es ist niemals ein Dokument der Kultur, ohne zugleich ein solches der Barbarei zu sein.'' ** '''There is no document of [[civilization]] which is not at the same time a document of barbarism.''' ** VII * The nature of this melancholy becomes clearer, once one asks the question, with whom does the historical writer of [[historicism]] actually empathize. The answer is irrefutably with the victor. Those who currently rule are however the heirs of all those who have ever been victorious. Empathy with the victors thus comes to benefit the current rulers every time. ** VII, often misquoted as "History is written by the victors" <!--although those words are actually those of [[Nehru]] (1946) see [https://books.google.ca/books?id=d6JZryGvfxYC ''The Quote Verifier: Who Said What, Where, and When'' (2007) by Ralph Keyes], Macmillan, {{ISBN|1429906170}}, 9781429906173 --> * '''The tradition of the oppressed teaches us that the "state of emergency" in which we live is not the exception but the [[rule]].''' We must attain to a conception of history that is in keeping with this insight. Then we shall clearly realize that it is our task to bring about a real state of emergency, and this will improve our position in the struggle against [[Fascism]]. One reason why Fascism has a chance is that in the name of progress its opponents treat it as a historical norm. The current amazement that the things we are experiencing are "still" possible in the twentieth century is not philosophical. This amazement is not the beginning of knowledge — unless it is the knowledge that the view of history which gives rise to it is untenable. ** VIII * A Klee painting named ‘[[w:Angelus Novus|Angelus Novus]]’ shows an angel looking as though he is about to move away from something he is fixedly contemplating. His eyes are staring, his mouth is open, his wings are spread. This is how one pictures the [[angel]] of [[history]]. His [[face]] is turned toward the past. Where we perceive a chain of events, he sees one single catastrophe which keeps piling wreckage upon wreckage and hurls it in front of his feet. The angel would like to stay, awaken the [[dead]], and make whole what has been smashed. But a [[storm]] is blowing in from [[Paradise]]; it has got caught in his wings with such [[violence]] that the angel can no longer close them. This storm irresistibly propels him into the [[future]] to which his back is turned, while the pile of debris before him grows [[Sky|skyward]]. '''This storm is what we call [[progress]].''' ** IX * The historical materialist leaves it to others to be drained by the whore called "Once upon a time" in historicism's bordello. ** XVI * '''Thinking involves not only the flow of [[thoughts]], but their arrest as well.''' ** XVII * The nourishing fruit of the historically understood contains time as a precious but tasteless seed. ** XVII * The [[present]], which, as a model of Messianic time, comprises the entire history of mankind in an enormous abridgment, coincides with the stature which the history of mankind has in the [[universe]]. ** XVIII * We know that the Jews were prohibited from investigating the [[future]]. The Torah and the prayers instruct them in [[remembrance]], however. This stripped the future of its [[magic]], to which all those succumb who turn to the soothsayers for enlightenment. This did not imply, however, that for the Jews the future turned into homogeneous empty time. For '''every second of [[time]] was the straight gate through which the [[Messiah]] might enter.''' ** Note B === ''[[w:Arcades Project|Arcades Project]]'' (1927-1940) === [[File:Passage Choiseul, 16 May 2013.jpg|thumb|right|Only a thoughtless observer can deny that correspondences come into play between the [[world]] of modern [[technology]] and the archaic [[symbol]]-world of [[mythology]].]] :<small>Ed. Roy Tiedemann, trans. Howard Eiland and Kevin McLaughlin (Harvard University: Harvard UP, 1999)</small> * '''Only a thoughtless observer can deny that correspondences come into play between the [[world]] of modern [[technology]] and the archaic [[symbol]]-world of [[mythology]].''' * [[History]] breaks down in images not into stories. * In the fields with which we are concerned knowledge exists only in [[lightning]] flashes. The text is the [[thunder]] rolling long afterwards. ==Quotes about Benjamin== [[File:Grab Walter Benjamin.jpg|thumb|Walter Benjamin … observes that [[stories]] transform the storyteller as well as the listeners.]] * Fiction is all about that [[moment]] of transition from one to another state of being. If that [[metamorphosis]] doesn’t occur, the character doesn’t change. We, the readers, don’t change. This reminds me of Walter Benjamin, who observes that [[stories]] transform the storyteller as well as the listeners. **[[Kathleen Alcalá]], in [https://fictionwritersreview.com/interview/remaking-the-world-an-interview-with-kathleen-alcala/ "Remaking the World: An Interview with Kathleen Alcalá" (14 June 2021)] *Postmodernism, like Walter Benjamin's 'mechanical reproduction', seeks to dismantle the intimidating aura of high-modernist culture with a more demotic, user-friendly art, suspecting all hierarchies of value as privileged and elitist. There is no better or worse, just different. ** [[Terry Eagleton]] (1983, 1996), ''Literary Theory: An Introduction'', second edition, University of Minnesota Press, {{ISBN|0-8166-1251-X}}, p 202 * [Benjamin] must surely be among the 20th century's most overrated writers. Paris, Berlin, Moscow, Karl Kraus — Benjamin could render the juiciest of subjects arid. ** [[w:Joseph Epstein (writer)|Joseph Epstein]], in "A Very Public Intellectual", ''The Wall Street Journal'' (2 April 2011) * [A]n enormous Anglo-American industry of post-structuralist and postmodernist interpretation has grown up around the translations we have, distorting Benjamin’s real concerns. Apart from specialists familiar with the German background to his work, English-speaking readers are probably no closer to understanding Benjamin’s writings than they were when Hannah Arendt first introduced him in America over twenty-five years ago. ** [[w:Mark Lilla|Mark Lilla]], "The Riddle of Walter Benjamin", ''The New York Review of Books'' (25 May 1995) == External links == {{wikipedia}} * [http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/benjamin/ Profile at the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy] * [https://www.marxists.org/reference/archive/benjamin/index.htm Walter Benjamin Archive at marxists.org] {{DEFAULTSORT:Benjamin, Walter}} [[Category:Philosophers from Germany]] [[Category:Literary critics]] [[Category:Social critics]] [[Category:German Jews]] [[Category:1892 births]] [[Category:1940 deaths]] [[Category:People from Berlin]] [[Category:Marxist humanists]] [[Category:Critical theory]] [[Category:Aphorists]] [[Category:Political authors]] [[Category:Essayists from Germany]] [[Category:Literary critics]] [[Category:Translators from Germany]] [[Category:Mystics]] [[Category:Suicides]] [[cs:Walter Benjamin]] [[de:Walter Benjamin]] [[es:Walter Benjamin]] [[eo:Walter Benjamin]] [[gl:Walter Benjamin]] [[it:Walter Benjamin]] [[he:ולטר בנימין]] [[pl:Walter Benjamin]] [[pt:Walter Benjamin]] [[ru:Вальтер Беньямин]] [[sk:Walter Benjamin]] [[sl:Walter Benjamin]] [[tr:Walter Benjamin]] [[uk:Вальтер Беньямін]] 61p9d0xj5i2rl9j0cytc2j44kbmt1yj 3778963 3778961 2025-07-15T01:11:07Z Kalki 71 /* Quotes about Benjamin */ 3778963 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Walter Benjamin vers 1928.jpg|thumb|right| All [[purposeful]] manifestations of [[life]], including their very purposiveness, in the final [[analysis]] have their [[end]] not in life but in the expression of its nature, in the representation of its [[significance]].]] '''[[w:Walter Benjamin|Walter Bendix Schönflies Benjamin]]''' ([[15 July]] [[1892]] – [[27 September]] [[1940]]) was a [[w:Germany|German]] [[w:Jew|Jewish]] [[w:Literary criticism|literary critic]] and [[w:philosopher|philosopher]]. He was at times associated with the [[w:Frankfurt School|Frankfurt School]] of [[w:critical theory|critical theory]], and was also greatly inspired by the Marxism of [[Bertolt Brecht]] and the Jewish [[mysticism]] of [[Gershom Scholem]]. == Quotes == [[File:Youth Axel Törneman 1919.jpg|thumb|right|Nothing is so hateful to the [[philistine]] as the "dreams of his youth." ... For what appeared to him in his dreams was the voice of the spirit, calling him once, as it does everyone. It is of this that youth always reminds him, eternally and ominously. That is why he is antagonistic toward youth.]] [[File:Grab Walter Benjamin.jpg|thumb| I would like to metamorphose into a mouse-mountain.]] [[File:Nebo04(js).jpg|thumb|right|Things are only mannequins and even the great world-historical events are only costumes beneath which they exchange glances with [[nothingness]].]] [[File:BrazenSerpent.JPG |thumb|This strange form — it may be called fleeting or [[eternal]] — is in neither case the stuff that [[life]] is made of.]] [[File:European Central Bank 041107.jpg|thumb|right|[[Capitalism]] is presumably the first case of a blaming, rather than a repenting cult. ... An enormous feeling of guilt not itself knowing how to repent, grasps at the cult, not in order to repent for this guilt, but to make it universal, to hammer it into consciousness and finally and above all to include God himself in this guilt.]] * Nothing is so hateful to the [[philistine]] as the "[[dreams]] of his youth." ... For what appeared to him in his dreams was the voice of the [[spirit]], calling him once, as it does everyone. It is of ''this'' that youth always reminds him, [[eternally]] and ominously. That is why he is antagonistic toward youth. ** "Experience" (1913) as translated by L. Spencer and S. Jost, in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings'', Vol. 1 (1996), pp. 4-5 * Because he never raises his eyes to the great and the meaningful, the philistine has taken experience as his gospel. It has become for him a message about life's commonness. But he has never grasped that there exists something other than experience, that there are values—inexperienceable—which we serve. ** "Experience" (1913) as translated by L. Spencer and S. Jost, in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings'', Vol. 1 (1996), p. 4 * In what time does man live? The thinkers have always known that he does not live in any time at all. The immortality of thoughts and deeds banishes him to a timeless realm at whose heart an inscrutable death lies in wait. ... Devoured by the countless demands of the moment, time slipped away from him; the medium in which the pure melody of his youth would swell was destroyed. The fulfilled tranquility in which his late maturity would ripen was stolen from him. It was purloined by everyday reality, which, with its events, chance occurrences, and obligations, disrupted the myriad opportunities of youthful time, immortal time. ... From day to day, second to second, the self preserves itself, clinging to that instrument: time, the instrument that it was supposed to play. ** "The Metaphysics of Youth," in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings'', Vol. 1 (1996), pp. 10-11 * ''Jede Äußerung menschlichen Geisteslebens kann als eine Art der Sprache aufgefaßt werden, und diese Auffassung erschließt nach Art einer wahrhaften Methode überall neue Fragestellungen.'' ** Every expression of human mental life can be understood as a kind of language, and this understanding, in the manner of a true method, everywhere raises new questions. *** "On Language as Such and on the Language of Man" (1916), translated by E. Jephcott, in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings'', Vol. 1 (1996), p. 62 * ''Zur Verknechtung der Sprache im Geschwätz tritt die Verknechtung der Dinge in der Narretei fast als deren unausbleibliche Folge''.<!-- Über Sprache überhaupt und über die Sprache des Menschen --> ** The enslavement of language in prattle is joined by the enslavement of things in folly almost as its inevitable consequence. *** "On Language as Such and on the Language of Man" (1916), translated by E. Jephcott, in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings'', Vol. 1 (1996), p. 72 * I would like to metamorphose into a mouse-mountain. ** ''[http://www.wbenjamin.org/protocol1.html Protocols to the Experiments on Hashish, Opium and Mescaline]'' (1927-1934, English translation 1997) * '''Things are only mannequins and even the great world-historical events are only costumes beneath which they exchange glances with nothingness.''' ** ''Protocols to the Experiments on Hashish, Opium and Mescaline'' (1927-1934) * … für den wahren Sammler ist die Erwerbung eines alten Buches dessen Wiedergeburt. … Die alte Welt erneuern – das ist der tiefste Trieb im Wunsch des Sammlers, Neues zu erwerben, und darum steht der Sammler älterer Bücher dem Quell des Sammelns näher als der Interessent für bibliophile Neudrucke.<br>''translation'':<br>… for the true collector, acquiring an old book is its rebirth. … Renewing the old world — this is the deepest drive in the collector's desire to acquire new things, and that is why the collector of older books is closer to the source of collecting than the person interested in bibliophile reprints. * [https://www.textlog.de/benjamin/kleine-prosa/denkbilder/packe-bibliothek-aus ''Ich packe meine Bibliothek aus''] ("Unpacking my library", 1931), p. 2 * '''Of all the ways of acquiring [[books]], [[writing]] them oneself is regarded as the most praiseworthy method.''' … Writers are really people who write books not because they are poor, but because they are dissatisfied with the books which they could buy but do not like. ** ''Unpacking my Library: A Talk About Book Collecting'' (1931) * The destructive character knows only one watchword: make room. And only one activity: clearing away. His need for fresh air and open space is stronger than any hatred. ** "The Destructive Character" ''Frankfurter Zeitung'' (20 November 1931) * Reminiscences, even extensive ones, do not always amount to an autobiography. … For even if months and years appear here, it is in the form they have in the moment of recollection. This strange form — it may be called fleeting or eternal — is in neither case the stuff that life is made of. ** ''A Berlin Chronicle'' (1932–, unfinished), in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings – vol. 2, pt. 2: 1931-1934'', ed. Michael William Jennings, Harvard University Press, 2005, p. 612 * Mechanical reproduction emancipates the work of art from its parasitical dependence on ritual. To an ever greater degree the work of art reproduced becomes the work of art designed for reproducibility. From a photographic negative, for example, one can make any number of prints; to ask for the “authentic” print makes no sense. But the instant the criterion of authenticity ceases to be applicable to artistic production, the total function of art is reversed. Instead of being based on ritual, it begins to be based on another practice – politics. ** ''Das Kunstwerk im Zeitalter seiner Reproduzierbarkeit'' ''[[w:The Work of Art in the Age of Mechanical_Reproduction| The Work of Art in the Age of Mechanical Reproduction]]'' (1935) * There is no muse of philosophy, nor is there one of translation. ** "The Task of the Translator," translated by Harry Zohn === The Life of Students (1915) === [[File:WalterBenjaminStagesOfLife.JPG|thumb|right|Scholarship, far from leading inexorably to a profession, may in fact preclude it. For it does not permit you to abandon it.]] :<small>"Das Leben der Studenten," first published in ''Der neue Merkur'', as translated by R. Livingstone, in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings – vol. 1: 1913-1926'', ed. Michael William Jennings, Harvard University Press, 1996, pp. 37-47</small> * ''An das Leben der Studenten tritt die Frage nach seiner bewußten Einheit heran. ... Das Auszeichnende im Studentenleben ist in der Tat der Gegenwille, sich einem Prinzip zu unterwerfen, mit der Idee sich zu durchdringen. Der Name der Wissenschaft dient vorzüglich, eine tiefeingesessene, verbürgerte Indifferenz zu verbergen.'' ** The question to address is that of the conscious unity of student life ... the will to submit to a principle, to identify completely with an idea. The concept of "science" or scholarly discipline serves primarily to conceal a deep-rooted bourgeois indifference. * ''Der Beruf folgt so wenig aus der Wissenschaft, dass sie ihn sogar ausschließen kann. Denn die Wissenschaft duldet ihrem Wesen nach keine Lösung von sich.'' ** Scholarship, far from leading inexorably to a profession, may in fact preclude it. For it does not permit you to abandon it. * The true sign of decadence is not the collusion of the university and the state (something that is by no means incompatible with honest barbarity), but the theory and guarantee of academic freedom, when in reality people assume with brutal simplicity that the aim of study is to steer its disciples to a socially conceived individuality. * Everyone who achieves strives for totality, and the value of his achievement lies in that totality&mdash;that is, in the fact that the whole, undivided nature of a human being should be expressed in his achievement. But when determined by our society, as we see it today, achievement does not express a totality; it is completely fragmented and derivative. It is not uncommon for the community to be the site where a joint and covert struggle is waged against higher ambitions and more personal goals. ... The socially relevant achievement of the average person serves in the vast majority of cases to repress the original and nonderivative, inner aspirations of the human being. === The Concept of Criticism in [[w:German Romanticism|German Romanticism]] (1919) === <small>"Der Begriff der Kunstkritik in der deutschen Romantik" as translated by David Lachterman, Howard Eiland and Ian Balfour, in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings – vol. 1: 1913-1926'', ed. Michael William Jennings, Harvard University Press, 1996, pp. 116-200</small> * ''Für die Romantiker und für die spekulative Philosophie bedeutete der Terminus kritisch: objektiv produktiv, schöpferisch aus Besonnenheit. Kritisch sein hieß die Erhebung des Denkens über alle Bindungen so weit treiben, daß gleichsam zauberisch aus der Einsicht in das Falsche der Bindungen die Erkenntnis der Wahrheit sich schwang.'' ** For the [[w:German Romanticism|Romantics]] and for speculative philosophy, ... to be critical meant to elevate thinking so far beyond all restrictive conditions that the knowledge of truth sprang forth magically, as it were, from insight into the falsehood of these restrictions. * The critic does not pass judgment on the work; rather, art itself passes judgment, either by taking up the work in the medium of criticism or by rejecting it and thereby appraising it as beneath all criticism. ** p. 161 === The Task of the Translator (1920) === <!-- |thumb|[[Art]] ... posits man's [[physical]] and [[spiritual]] [[existence]], but in none of its works is it concerned with his attentiveness. No [[poem]] is intended for the reader, no picture for the beholder, no symphony for the audience.]] --> <small>"Die Aufgabe des Übersetzers," as translated by Rodney Livingstone, in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings – vol. 1: 1913-1926'', ed. Michael William Jennings, Harvard University Press, 1996, pp. 253-263</small> * ''Nirgends erweist sich einem Kunstwerk oder einer Kunstform gegenüber die Rücksicht auf den Aufnehmenden für deren Erkenntnis fruchtbar. Nicht genug, dass jede Beziehung auf ein bestimmtes Publikum oder dessen Repräsentanten vom Wege abführt, ist sogar der Begriff eines "idealen" Aufnehmenden in allen kunsttheoretischen Erörterungen vom Übel, weil diese lediglich gehalten sind, Dasein und Wesen des Menschen überhaupt vorauszusetzen. So setzt auch die Kunst selbst dessen leibliches und geistiges Wesen voraus&mdash;seine Aufmerksamkeit aber in keinem ihrer Werke. Denn kein Gedicht gilt dem Leser, kein Bild dem Beschauer, keine Symphonie der Hörerschaft.'' ** In the appreciation of a work of art or an art form, consideration of the receiver never proves fruitful. Not only is any reference to a particular public or its representatives misleading, but even the concept of an "ideal" receiver is detrimental in the theoretical consideration of art, since all it posits is the existence and nature of man as such. Art, in the same way, posits man's physical and spiritual existence, but in none of its works is it concerned with his attentiveness. No poem is intended for the reader, no picture for the beholder, no symphony for the audience. * Besteht das Original nicht um dessentwillen, wie ließe sich dann die Übersetzung aus dieser Beziehung verstehen? ** If the original does not exist for the reader's sake, how could the translation be understood on the basis of this premise? * So dürfte von einem unvergeßlichen Leben oder Augenblick gesprochen werden, auch wenn alle Menschen sie vergessen hätten. Wenn nämlich deren Wesen es forderte, nicht vergessen zu werden, so würde jenes Prädikat nichts Falsches, sondern nur eine Forderung, der Menschen nicht entsprechen, und zugleich auch wohl den Verweis auf einen Bereich enthalten, in dem ihr entsprochen wäre: auf ein Gedenken Gottes. ** One might, for example, speak of an unforgettable life or moment even if all men had forgotten it. If the nature of such a life or moment required that it be unforgotten, that predicate would imply not a falsehood but merely a claim unfulfilled by men, and probably also a reference to a realm in which it ''is'' fulfilled: God's remembrance. * ''Alle zweckmäßigen Lebenserscheinungen wie ihre Zweckmäßigkeit überhaupt sind letzten Endes zweckmäßig nicht für das Leben, sondern für den Ausdruck seines Wesens, für die Darstellung seiner Bedeutung.'' ** All purposeful manifestations of life, including their very purposiveness, in the final analysis have their end not in life but in the expression of its nature, in the representation of its significance. === Capitalism as Religion (1921) === :<small>"Kapitalismus als Religion" in ''Gesammelte Schriften'' (1991), Bd. VI, S. 100 – 102</small> * ''Im Kapitalismus ist eine Religion zu erblicken, d.h. der Kapitalismus dient essentiell der Befriedigung derselben Sorgen, Qualen, Unruhen, auf die ehemals die so genannten Religionen Antwort gaben.'' ** A religion may be discerned in capitalism&mdash;that is to say, capitalism serves essentially to allay the same anxieties, torments, and disturbances to which the so-called religions offered answers. *** Translated by Rodney Livingstone in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings, Volume 1'' (Harvard: 1996) * ''Der Kapitalismus ist vermutlich der erste Fall eines nicht entsühnenden, sondern verschuldenden Kultus. ... Ein ungeheures Schuldbewußtsein das sich nicht zu entsühnen weiß, greift zum Kultus, um in ihm diese Schuld nicht zu sühnen, sondern universal zu machen, dem Bewußtsein sie einzuhämmern und endlich und vor allem den Gott selbst in diese Schuld einzubegreifen.'' ** Capitalism is presumably the first case of a blaming, rather than a repenting cult. ... An enormous feeling of guilt not itself knowing how to repent, grasps at the cult, not in order to repent for this guilt, but to make it universal, to hammer it into consciousness and finally and above all to include God himself in this guilt. *** Translated by Chad Kautzer in ''The Frankfurt School on Religion: Key Writings by the Major Thinkers'' (2005), p. 259 === [[Johann Wolfgang von Goethe|Goethe's]] [[w:Elective Affinities|Elective Affinities]] (1924) === :<small>first published in ''Neue Deutsche Beitraege'' (1924), as translated by S. Corngold in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings'', Vol. 1 (1996)</small> * Where the presence of truth should be possible, it can be possible solely under the condition of the recognition of myth&mdash;that is, the recognition of its crushing indifference to truth. ** p. 326 === ''Ursprung des deutschen Trauerspiels'' [''Origin of the German Mourning Play''] (1925) === * Treatises may be didactic in tone, but essentially they lack the conclusiveness of an instruction which could be asserted, like doctrine, by virtue of its own authority. ... Tirelessly the process of thinking makes new beginnings, returning in a roundabout way to its original object. This continual pausing for breath is the mode most proper to the process of contemplation. For by pursuing different levels of meaning in its examination of one single object it receives both the incentive to begin again and the justification for its irregular rhythm. ** p. 28 * Criticism and prophecy must be the two categories that meet in the salvation of the past ** p. 53-54 (trans. John Osborne (London: Verso, 1977) === Main features of my first impression of [[hashish]] (1927) === :<small>Hauptzüge der ersten Haschisch-Impression, December 18, 1927, 3:30 AM</small> * ''Mir schien: Ausgesprochene Unlust, mich über Dinge des praktischen Lebens, Zukunft, Daten, Politik zu unterhalten. Man ist an die intellektuelle Sphäre gebannt wie manchmal Besessene auf die sexuelle, ist von ihr angesaugt.'' ** For me, it was like this: pronounced antipathy to conversing about matters of practical life, the future, dates, politics. You are fixated on the intellectual sphere as a man possessed may be fixated on the sexual: under its spell, sucked into it. *** "Main features of my first impression of hashish" (18 December 1927), ''On Hashish'' (2006), p. 21 * ''Man geht immer die gleichen Wege des Denkens wie vorher. Nur scheinen sie mit Rosen bestreut.'' <!-- Tillman Rexroth (Hg.): Walter Benjamin – Über Haschisch. Frankfurt am Main 1972, S. 68. --> ** You follow the same paths of thought as before. Only, they appear strewn with roses. *** "Main features of my first impression of hashish" (18 December 1927), ''On Hashish'' (2006), p. 22 === ''One Way Street'' (1928) === <small>as translated by E. Jephcott, in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings'', Vol. 1 (1996)</small> * A curious paradox: people have only the narrowest private interest in mind when they act, yet they are at the same time more than ever determined in their behavior by the instincts of the mass. ... The diversity of individual goals is immaterial in face of the identity of the determining forces. ** p. 451 === "The Storyteller" (1936) === <small>Published in ''Illuminations'' (1968)</small> * The art of storytelling is reaching its end because the epic side of truth, wisdom, is dying out. * If sleep is the apogee of physical relaxation, boredom is the apogee of mental relaxation. Boredom is the dream bird that hatches the egg of experience. ** p. 91 === ''{{w|Theses on the Philosophy of History}}'' (1940) === :<small> Written in 1940; first published in German (1950), in English (1955) · Unless otherwise noted, most quotes in this section use the [http://www.sfu.ca/~andrewf/CONCEPT2.html translation by Harry Zohn], published in ''Illuminations'' (1973) edited by [[Hannah Arendt]] · [http://members.efn.org/~dredmond/ThesesonHistory.html Dennis Redmond translation online (2001)] </small> [[File:Flickr - DVIDSHUB - "Ghar" Mountain.jpg|thumb|Our coming was expected on [[earth]]. Like every generation that preceded us, we have been endowed with a weak Messianic power, a [[power]] to which the [[past]] has a claim. That claim cannot be settled cheaply.]] [[File:The Brazen Serpent, Mount Nebo.jpg|thumb|There is no document of [[civilization]] which is not at the same [[time]] a document of barbarism.]] [[File:Stroop Report - Warsaw Ghetto Uprising 09.jpg|thumb|The [[tradition]] of the [[oppressed]] [[teaches]] us that the "state of emergency" in which we live is not the exception but the [[rule]].]] [[File:Klee, Angelus novus.png|thumb|This is how one pictures the [[angel]] of [[history]]. His [[face]] is turned toward the [[past]]. Where we perceive a chain of events, he sees one single catastrophe which keeps piling wreckage upon wreckage and hurls it in front of his feet...]] *Our image of [[happiness]] is indissolubly bound up with the image of the [[past]]. ** II * '''There is a secret agreement between past generations and the present one.''' Our coming was expected on earth. Like every generation that preceded us, we have been endowed with a weak Messianic power, a [[power]] to which the past has a claim. '''That claim cannot be settled cheaply.''' ** II * '''[[Nothing]] that has ever happened should be regarded as lost for [[history]].''' To be sure, only a redeemed mankind receives the fullness of its past — which is to say, only a redeemed mankind has its past become citable in all its moments. Each moment it has lived becomes a ''citation à l'ordre du jour'' — and that day is [[Judgement Day]]. ** III * The true picture of the past flits by. The past can be seized only as an image which flashes up at the instant when it can be recognized and is never seen again. ** V * The good tidings which the historian of the past brings with throbbing [[heart]] may be lost in a void the very moment he opens his mouth. ** V * '''To articulate the past historically does not mean to recognize it ‘the way it really was’ ([[w:Leopold von Ranke|Ranke]]). It means to seize hold of a [[memory]] as it flashes up at a [[moment]] of [[danger]].''' [[Historical materialism]] wishes to retain that image of the past which unexpectedly appears to man singled out by history at a moment of danger. The danger affects both the content of the tradition and its receivers. The same threat hangs over both: that of becoming a tool of the ruling classes. '''In every era the attempt must be made anew to wrest tradition away from a [[conformism]] that is about to overpower it. The [[Messiah]] comes not only as the [[redeemer]], he comes as the subduer of Antichrist.''' Only that historian will have the gift of fanning the spark of hope in the past who is firmly convinced that ''even the dead'' will not be safe from the enemy if he wins. And this enemy has not ceased to be victorious. ** Variant translation: ** '''To articulate what is past does not mean to recognize “how it really was.” It means to take control of a [[memory]], as it flashes in a [[moment]] of [[danger]].''' For historical materialism it is a question of holding fast to a picture of the past, just as if it had unexpectedly thrust itself, in a moment of danger, on the historical subject. The danger threatens the stock of tradition as much as its recipients. For both it is one and the same: handing itself over as the tool of the ruling classes. '''In every epoch, the attempt must be made to deliver tradition anew from the conformism which is on the point of overwhelming it. For the [[Messiah]] arrives not merely as the [[Redeemer]]; he also arrives as the vanquisher of the Anti-christ.''' The only writer of history with the gift of setting alight the sparks of hope in the past, is the one who is convinced of this: that not even the dead will be safe from the enemy, if he is victorious. And this enemy has not ceased to be victorious. *** As translated by Dennis Redmond (2001) * ''Es ist niemals ein Dokument der Kultur, ohne zugleich ein solches der Barbarei zu sein.'' ** '''There is no document of [[civilization]] which is not at the same time a document of barbarism.''' ** VII * The nature of this melancholy becomes clearer, once one asks the question, with whom does the historical writer of [[historicism]] actually empathize. The answer is irrefutably with the victor. Those who currently rule are however the heirs of all those who have ever been victorious. Empathy with the victors thus comes to benefit the current rulers every time. ** VII, often misquoted as "History is written by the victors" <!--although those words are actually those of [[Nehru]] (1946) see [https://books.google.ca/books?id=d6JZryGvfxYC ''The Quote Verifier: Who Said What, Where, and When'' (2007) by Ralph Keyes], Macmillan, {{ISBN|1429906170}}, 9781429906173 --> * '''The tradition of the oppressed teaches us that the "state of emergency" in which we live is not the exception but the [[rule]].''' We must attain to a conception of history that is in keeping with this insight. Then we shall clearly realize that it is our task to bring about a real state of emergency, and this will improve our position in the struggle against [[Fascism]]. One reason why Fascism has a chance is that in the name of progress its opponents treat it as a historical norm. The current amazement that the things we are experiencing are "still" possible in the twentieth century is not philosophical. This amazement is not the beginning of knowledge — unless it is the knowledge that the view of history which gives rise to it is untenable. ** VIII * A Klee painting named ‘[[w:Angelus Novus|Angelus Novus]]’ shows an angel looking as though he is about to move away from something he is fixedly contemplating. His eyes are staring, his mouth is open, his wings are spread. This is how one pictures the [[angel]] of [[history]]. His [[face]] is turned toward the past. Where we perceive a chain of events, he sees one single catastrophe which keeps piling wreckage upon wreckage and hurls it in front of his feet. The angel would like to stay, awaken the [[dead]], and make whole what has been smashed. But a [[storm]] is blowing in from [[Paradise]]; it has got caught in his wings with such [[violence]] that the angel can no longer close them. This storm irresistibly propels him into the [[future]] to which his back is turned, while the pile of debris before him grows [[Sky|skyward]]. '''This storm is what we call [[progress]].''' ** IX * The historical materialist leaves it to others to be drained by the whore called "Once upon a time" in historicism's bordello. ** XVI * '''Thinking involves not only the flow of [[thoughts]], but their arrest as well.''' ** XVII * The nourishing fruit of the historically understood contains time as a precious but tasteless seed. ** XVII * The [[present]], which, as a model of Messianic time, comprises the entire history of mankind in an enormous abridgment, coincides with the stature which the history of mankind has in the [[universe]]. ** XVIII * We know that the Jews were prohibited from investigating the [[future]]. The Torah and the prayers instruct them in [[remembrance]], however. This stripped the future of its [[magic]], to which all those succumb who turn to the soothsayers for enlightenment. This did not imply, however, that for the Jews the future turned into homogeneous empty time. For '''every second of [[time]] was the straight gate through which the [[Messiah]] might enter.''' ** Note B === ''[[w:Arcades Project|Arcades Project]]'' (1927-1940) === [[File:Passage Choiseul, 16 May 2013.jpg|thumb|right|Only a thoughtless observer can deny that correspondences come into play between the [[world]] of modern [[technology]] and the archaic [[symbol]]-world of [[mythology]].]] :<small>Ed. Roy Tiedemann, trans. Howard Eiland and Kevin McLaughlin (Harvard University: Harvard UP, 1999)</small> * '''Only a thoughtless observer can deny that correspondences come into play between the [[world]] of modern [[technology]] and the archaic [[symbol]]-world of [[mythology]].''' * [[History]] breaks down in images not into stories. * In the fields with which we are concerned knowledge exists only in [[lightning]] flashes. The text is the [[thunder]] rolling long afterwards. ==Quotes about Benjamin== [[File:Grab Walter Benjamin.jpg|thumb|Walter Benjamin … observes that [[stories]] transform the storyteller as well as the listeners.]] * Fiction is all about that [[moment]] of transition from one to another state of being. If that [[metamorphosis]] doesn’t occur, the character doesn’t change. We, the readers, don’t change. This reminds me of Walter Benjamin, who observes that [[stories]] transform the storyteller as well as the listeners. **[[Kathleen Alcalá]], in [https://fictionwritersreview.com/interview/remaking-the-world-an-interview-with-kathleen-alcala/ "Remaking the World: An Interview with Kathleen Alcalá" (14 June 2021)] *Postmodernism, like Walter Benjamin's 'mechanical reproduction', seeks to dismantle the intimidating aura of high-modernist culture with a more demotic, user-friendly art, suspecting all hierarchies of value as privileged and elitist. There is no better or worse, just different. ** [[Terry Eagleton]] (1983, 1996), ''Literary Theory: An Introduction'', second edition, University of Minnesota Press, {{ISBN|0-8166-1251-X}}, p 202 * Walter Benjamin … must surely be among the 20th century's most overrated writers. Paris, Berlin, Moscow, Karl Kraus — Benjamin could render the juiciest of subjects arid. ** [[w:Joseph Epstein (writer)|Joseph Epstein]], in "A Very Public Intellectual", ''The Wall Street Journal'' (2 April 2011) * [A]n enormous Anglo-American industry of post-structuralist and postmodernist interpretation has grown up around the translations we have, distorting Benjamin’s real concerns. Apart from specialists familiar with the German background to his work, English-speaking readers are probably no closer to understanding Benjamin’s writings than they were when Hannah Arendt first introduced him in America over twenty-five years ago. ** [[w:Mark Lilla|Mark Lilla]], "The Riddle of Walter Benjamin", ''The New York Review of Books'' (25 May 1995) == External links == {{wikipedia}} * [http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/benjamin/ Profile at the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy] * [https://www.marxists.org/reference/archive/benjamin/index.htm Walter Benjamin Archive at marxists.org] {{DEFAULTSORT:Benjamin, Walter}} [[Category:Philosophers from Germany]] [[Category:Literary critics]] [[Category:Social critics]] [[Category:German Jews]] [[Category:1892 births]] [[Category:1940 deaths]] [[Category:People from Berlin]] [[Category:Marxist humanists]] [[Category:Critical theory]] [[Category:Aphorists]] [[Category:Political authors]] [[Category:Essayists from Germany]] [[Category:Literary critics]] [[Category:Translators from Germany]] [[Category:Mystics]] [[Category:Suicides]] [[cs:Walter Benjamin]] [[de:Walter Benjamin]] [[es:Walter Benjamin]] [[eo:Walter Benjamin]] [[gl:Walter Benjamin]] [[it:Walter Benjamin]] [[he:ולטר בנימין]] [[pl:Walter Benjamin]] [[pt:Walter Benjamin]] [[ru:Вальтер Беньямин]] [[sk:Walter Benjamin]] [[sl:Walter Benjamin]] [[tr:Walter Benjamin]] [[uk:Вальтер Беньямін]] oofcwfzuyn1gh5wmxy6lju8kmntq6ai 3778964 3778963 2025-07-15T01:15:27Z Kalki 71 /* Quotes about Benjamin */ realized that image was already on the page — remove it and comment out the caption 3778964 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Walter Benjamin vers 1928.jpg|thumb|right| All [[purposeful]] manifestations of [[life]], including their very purposiveness, in the final [[analysis]] have their [[end]] not in life but in the expression of its nature, in the representation of its [[significance]].]] '''[[w:Walter Benjamin|Walter Bendix Schönflies Benjamin]]''' ([[15 July]] [[1892]] – [[27 September]] [[1940]]) was a [[w:Germany|German]] [[w:Jew|Jewish]] [[w:Literary criticism|literary critic]] and [[w:philosopher|philosopher]]. He was at times associated with the [[w:Frankfurt School|Frankfurt School]] of [[w:critical theory|critical theory]], and was also greatly inspired by the Marxism of [[Bertolt Brecht]] and the Jewish [[mysticism]] of [[Gershom Scholem]]. == Quotes == [[File:Youth Axel Törneman 1919.jpg|thumb|right|Nothing is so hateful to the [[philistine]] as the "dreams of his youth." ... For what appeared to him in his dreams was the voice of the spirit, calling him once, as it does everyone. It is of this that youth always reminds him, eternally and ominously. That is why he is antagonistic toward youth.]] [[File:Grab Walter Benjamin.jpg|thumb| I would like to metamorphose into a mouse-mountain.]] [[File:Nebo04(js).jpg|thumb|right|Things are only mannequins and even the great world-historical events are only costumes beneath which they exchange glances with [[nothingness]].]] [[File:BrazenSerpent.JPG |thumb|This strange form — it may be called fleeting or [[eternal]] — is in neither case the stuff that [[life]] is made of.]] [[File:European Central Bank 041107.jpg|thumb|right|[[Capitalism]] is presumably the first case of a blaming, rather than a repenting cult. ... An enormous feeling of guilt not itself knowing how to repent, grasps at the cult, not in order to repent for this guilt, but to make it universal, to hammer it into consciousness and finally and above all to include God himself in this guilt.]] * Nothing is so hateful to the [[philistine]] as the "[[dreams]] of his youth." ... For what appeared to him in his dreams was the voice of the [[spirit]], calling him once, as it does everyone. It is of ''this'' that youth always reminds him, [[eternally]] and ominously. That is why he is antagonistic toward youth. ** "Experience" (1913) as translated by L. Spencer and S. Jost, in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings'', Vol. 1 (1996), pp. 4-5 * Because he never raises his eyes to the great and the meaningful, the philistine has taken experience as his gospel. It has become for him a message about life's commonness. But he has never grasped that there exists something other than experience, that there are values—inexperienceable—which we serve. ** "Experience" (1913) as translated by L. Spencer and S. Jost, in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings'', Vol. 1 (1996), p. 4 * In what time does man live? The thinkers have always known that he does not live in any time at all. The immortality of thoughts and deeds banishes him to a timeless realm at whose heart an inscrutable death lies in wait. ... Devoured by the countless demands of the moment, time slipped away from him; the medium in which the pure melody of his youth would swell was destroyed. The fulfilled tranquility in which his late maturity would ripen was stolen from him. It was purloined by everyday reality, which, with its events, chance occurrences, and obligations, disrupted the myriad opportunities of youthful time, immortal time. ... From day to day, second to second, the self preserves itself, clinging to that instrument: time, the instrument that it was supposed to play. ** "The Metaphysics of Youth," in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings'', Vol. 1 (1996), pp. 10-11 * ''Jede Äußerung menschlichen Geisteslebens kann als eine Art der Sprache aufgefaßt werden, und diese Auffassung erschließt nach Art einer wahrhaften Methode überall neue Fragestellungen.'' ** Every expression of human mental life can be understood as a kind of language, and this understanding, in the manner of a true method, everywhere raises new questions. *** "On Language as Such and on the Language of Man" (1916), translated by E. Jephcott, in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings'', Vol. 1 (1996), p. 62 * ''Zur Verknechtung der Sprache im Geschwätz tritt die Verknechtung der Dinge in der Narretei fast als deren unausbleibliche Folge''.<!-- Über Sprache überhaupt und über die Sprache des Menschen --> ** The enslavement of language in prattle is joined by the enslavement of things in folly almost as its inevitable consequence. *** "On Language as Such and on the Language of Man" (1916), translated by E. Jephcott, in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings'', Vol. 1 (1996), p. 72 * I would like to metamorphose into a mouse-mountain. ** ''[http://www.wbenjamin.org/protocol1.html Protocols to the Experiments on Hashish, Opium and Mescaline]'' (1927-1934, English translation 1997) * '''Things are only mannequins and even the great world-historical events are only costumes beneath which they exchange glances with nothingness.''' ** ''Protocols to the Experiments on Hashish, Opium and Mescaline'' (1927-1934) * … für den wahren Sammler ist die Erwerbung eines alten Buches dessen Wiedergeburt. … Die alte Welt erneuern – das ist der tiefste Trieb im Wunsch des Sammlers, Neues zu erwerben, und darum steht der Sammler älterer Bücher dem Quell des Sammelns näher als der Interessent für bibliophile Neudrucke.<br>''translation'':<br>… for the true collector, acquiring an old book is its rebirth. … Renewing the old world — this is the deepest drive in the collector's desire to acquire new things, and that is why the collector of older books is closer to the source of collecting than the person interested in bibliophile reprints. * [https://www.textlog.de/benjamin/kleine-prosa/denkbilder/packe-bibliothek-aus ''Ich packe meine Bibliothek aus''] ("Unpacking my library", 1931), p. 2 * '''Of all the ways of acquiring [[books]], [[writing]] them oneself is regarded as the most praiseworthy method.''' … Writers are really people who write books not because they are poor, but because they are dissatisfied with the books which they could buy but do not like. ** ''Unpacking my Library: A Talk About Book Collecting'' (1931) * The destructive character knows only one watchword: make room. And only one activity: clearing away. His need for fresh air and open space is stronger than any hatred. ** "The Destructive Character" ''Frankfurter Zeitung'' (20 November 1931) * Reminiscences, even extensive ones, do not always amount to an autobiography. … For even if months and years appear here, it is in the form they have in the moment of recollection. This strange form — it may be called fleeting or eternal — is in neither case the stuff that life is made of. ** ''A Berlin Chronicle'' (1932–, unfinished), in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings – vol. 2, pt. 2: 1931-1934'', ed. Michael William Jennings, Harvard University Press, 2005, p. 612 * Mechanical reproduction emancipates the work of art from its parasitical dependence on ritual. To an ever greater degree the work of art reproduced becomes the work of art designed for reproducibility. From a photographic negative, for example, one can make any number of prints; to ask for the “authentic” print makes no sense. But the instant the criterion of authenticity ceases to be applicable to artistic production, the total function of art is reversed. Instead of being based on ritual, it begins to be based on another practice – politics. ** ''Das Kunstwerk im Zeitalter seiner Reproduzierbarkeit'' ''[[w:The Work of Art in the Age of Mechanical_Reproduction| The Work of Art in the Age of Mechanical Reproduction]]'' (1935) * There is no muse of philosophy, nor is there one of translation. ** "The Task of the Translator," translated by Harry Zohn === The Life of Students (1915) === [[File:WalterBenjaminStagesOfLife.JPG|thumb|right|Scholarship, far from leading inexorably to a profession, may in fact preclude it. For it does not permit you to abandon it.]] :<small>"Das Leben der Studenten," first published in ''Der neue Merkur'', as translated by R. Livingstone, in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings – vol. 1: 1913-1926'', ed. Michael William Jennings, Harvard University Press, 1996, pp. 37-47</small> * ''An das Leben der Studenten tritt die Frage nach seiner bewußten Einheit heran. ... Das Auszeichnende im Studentenleben ist in der Tat der Gegenwille, sich einem Prinzip zu unterwerfen, mit der Idee sich zu durchdringen. Der Name der Wissenschaft dient vorzüglich, eine tiefeingesessene, verbürgerte Indifferenz zu verbergen.'' ** The question to address is that of the conscious unity of student life ... the will to submit to a principle, to identify completely with an idea. The concept of "science" or scholarly discipline serves primarily to conceal a deep-rooted bourgeois indifference. * ''Der Beruf folgt so wenig aus der Wissenschaft, dass sie ihn sogar ausschließen kann. Denn die Wissenschaft duldet ihrem Wesen nach keine Lösung von sich.'' ** Scholarship, far from leading inexorably to a profession, may in fact preclude it. For it does not permit you to abandon it. * The true sign of decadence is not the collusion of the university and the state (something that is by no means incompatible with honest barbarity), but the theory and guarantee of academic freedom, when in reality people assume with brutal simplicity that the aim of study is to steer its disciples to a socially conceived individuality. * Everyone who achieves strives for totality, and the value of his achievement lies in that totality&mdash;that is, in the fact that the whole, undivided nature of a human being should be expressed in his achievement. But when determined by our society, as we see it today, achievement does not express a totality; it is completely fragmented and derivative. It is not uncommon for the community to be the site where a joint and covert struggle is waged against higher ambitions and more personal goals. ... The socially relevant achievement of the average person serves in the vast majority of cases to repress the original and nonderivative, inner aspirations of the human being. === The Concept of Criticism in [[w:German Romanticism|German Romanticism]] (1919) === <small>"Der Begriff der Kunstkritik in der deutschen Romantik" as translated by David Lachterman, Howard Eiland and Ian Balfour, in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings – vol. 1: 1913-1926'', ed. Michael William Jennings, Harvard University Press, 1996, pp. 116-200</small> * ''Für die Romantiker und für die spekulative Philosophie bedeutete der Terminus kritisch: objektiv produktiv, schöpferisch aus Besonnenheit. Kritisch sein hieß die Erhebung des Denkens über alle Bindungen so weit treiben, daß gleichsam zauberisch aus der Einsicht in das Falsche der Bindungen die Erkenntnis der Wahrheit sich schwang.'' ** For the [[w:German Romanticism|Romantics]] and for speculative philosophy, ... to be critical meant to elevate thinking so far beyond all restrictive conditions that the knowledge of truth sprang forth magically, as it were, from insight into the falsehood of these restrictions. * The critic does not pass judgment on the work; rather, art itself passes judgment, either by taking up the work in the medium of criticism or by rejecting it and thereby appraising it as beneath all criticism. ** p. 161 === The Task of the Translator (1920) === <!-- |thumb|[[Art]] ... posits man's [[physical]] and [[spiritual]] [[existence]], but in none of its works is it concerned with his attentiveness. No [[poem]] is intended for the reader, no picture for the beholder, no symphony for the audience.]] --> <small>"Die Aufgabe des Übersetzers," as translated by Rodney Livingstone, in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings – vol. 1: 1913-1926'', ed. Michael William Jennings, Harvard University Press, 1996, pp. 253-263</small> * ''Nirgends erweist sich einem Kunstwerk oder einer Kunstform gegenüber die Rücksicht auf den Aufnehmenden für deren Erkenntnis fruchtbar. Nicht genug, dass jede Beziehung auf ein bestimmtes Publikum oder dessen Repräsentanten vom Wege abführt, ist sogar der Begriff eines "idealen" Aufnehmenden in allen kunsttheoretischen Erörterungen vom Übel, weil diese lediglich gehalten sind, Dasein und Wesen des Menschen überhaupt vorauszusetzen. So setzt auch die Kunst selbst dessen leibliches und geistiges Wesen voraus&mdash;seine Aufmerksamkeit aber in keinem ihrer Werke. Denn kein Gedicht gilt dem Leser, kein Bild dem Beschauer, keine Symphonie der Hörerschaft.'' ** In the appreciation of a work of art or an art form, consideration of the receiver never proves fruitful. Not only is any reference to a particular public or its representatives misleading, but even the concept of an "ideal" receiver is detrimental in the theoretical consideration of art, since all it posits is the existence and nature of man as such. Art, in the same way, posits man's physical and spiritual existence, but in none of its works is it concerned with his attentiveness. No poem is intended for the reader, no picture for the beholder, no symphony for the audience. * Besteht das Original nicht um dessentwillen, wie ließe sich dann die Übersetzung aus dieser Beziehung verstehen? ** If the original does not exist for the reader's sake, how could the translation be understood on the basis of this premise? * So dürfte von einem unvergeßlichen Leben oder Augenblick gesprochen werden, auch wenn alle Menschen sie vergessen hätten. Wenn nämlich deren Wesen es forderte, nicht vergessen zu werden, so würde jenes Prädikat nichts Falsches, sondern nur eine Forderung, der Menschen nicht entsprechen, und zugleich auch wohl den Verweis auf einen Bereich enthalten, in dem ihr entsprochen wäre: auf ein Gedenken Gottes. ** One might, for example, speak of an unforgettable life or moment even if all men had forgotten it. If the nature of such a life or moment required that it be unforgotten, that predicate would imply not a falsehood but merely a claim unfulfilled by men, and probably also a reference to a realm in which it ''is'' fulfilled: God's remembrance. * ''Alle zweckmäßigen Lebenserscheinungen wie ihre Zweckmäßigkeit überhaupt sind letzten Endes zweckmäßig nicht für das Leben, sondern für den Ausdruck seines Wesens, für die Darstellung seiner Bedeutung.'' ** All purposeful manifestations of life, including their very purposiveness, in the final analysis have their end not in life but in the expression of its nature, in the representation of its significance. === Capitalism as Religion (1921) === :<small>"Kapitalismus als Religion" in ''Gesammelte Schriften'' (1991), Bd. VI, S. 100 – 102</small> * ''Im Kapitalismus ist eine Religion zu erblicken, d.h. der Kapitalismus dient essentiell der Befriedigung derselben Sorgen, Qualen, Unruhen, auf die ehemals die so genannten Religionen Antwort gaben.'' ** A religion may be discerned in capitalism&mdash;that is to say, capitalism serves essentially to allay the same anxieties, torments, and disturbances to which the so-called religions offered answers. *** Translated by Rodney Livingstone in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings, Volume 1'' (Harvard: 1996) * ''Der Kapitalismus ist vermutlich der erste Fall eines nicht entsühnenden, sondern verschuldenden Kultus. ... Ein ungeheures Schuldbewußtsein das sich nicht zu entsühnen weiß, greift zum Kultus, um in ihm diese Schuld nicht zu sühnen, sondern universal zu machen, dem Bewußtsein sie einzuhämmern und endlich und vor allem den Gott selbst in diese Schuld einzubegreifen.'' ** Capitalism is presumably the first case of a blaming, rather than a repenting cult. ... An enormous feeling of guilt not itself knowing how to repent, grasps at the cult, not in order to repent for this guilt, but to make it universal, to hammer it into consciousness and finally and above all to include God himself in this guilt. *** Translated by Chad Kautzer in ''The Frankfurt School on Religion: Key Writings by the Major Thinkers'' (2005), p. 259 === [[Johann Wolfgang von Goethe|Goethe's]] [[w:Elective Affinities|Elective Affinities]] (1924) === :<small>first published in ''Neue Deutsche Beitraege'' (1924), as translated by S. Corngold in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings'', Vol. 1 (1996)</small> * Where the presence of truth should be possible, it can be possible solely under the condition of the recognition of myth&mdash;that is, the recognition of its crushing indifference to truth. ** p. 326 === ''Ursprung des deutschen Trauerspiels'' [''Origin of the German Mourning Play''] (1925) === * Treatises may be didactic in tone, but essentially they lack the conclusiveness of an instruction which could be asserted, like doctrine, by virtue of its own authority. ... Tirelessly the process of thinking makes new beginnings, returning in a roundabout way to its original object. This continual pausing for breath is the mode most proper to the process of contemplation. For by pursuing different levels of meaning in its examination of one single object it receives both the incentive to begin again and the justification for its irregular rhythm. ** p. 28 * Criticism and prophecy must be the two categories that meet in the salvation of the past ** p. 53-54 (trans. John Osborne (London: Verso, 1977) === Main features of my first impression of [[hashish]] (1927) === :<small>Hauptzüge der ersten Haschisch-Impression, December 18, 1927, 3:30 AM</small> * ''Mir schien: Ausgesprochene Unlust, mich über Dinge des praktischen Lebens, Zukunft, Daten, Politik zu unterhalten. Man ist an die intellektuelle Sphäre gebannt wie manchmal Besessene auf die sexuelle, ist von ihr angesaugt.'' ** For me, it was like this: pronounced antipathy to conversing about matters of practical life, the future, dates, politics. You are fixated on the intellectual sphere as a man possessed may be fixated on the sexual: under its spell, sucked into it. *** "Main features of my first impression of hashish" (18 December 1927), ''On Hashish'' (2006), p. 21 * ''Man geht immer die gleichen Wege des Denkens wie vorher. Nur scheinen sie mit Rosen bestreut.'' <!-- Tillman Rexroth (Hg.): Walter Benjamin – Über Haschisch. Frankfurt am Main 1972, S. 68. --> ** You follow the same paths of thought as before. Only, they appear strewn with roses. *** "Main features of my first impression of hashish" (18 December 1927), ''On Hashish'' (2006), p. 22 === ''One Way Street'' (1928) === <small>as translated by E. Jephcott, in ''Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings'', Vol. 1 (1996)</small> * A curious paradox: people have only the narrowest private interest in mind when they act, yet they are at the same time more than ever determined in their behavior by the instincts of the mass. ... The diversity of individual goals is immaterial in face of the identity of the determining forces. ** p. 451 === "The Storyteller" (1936) === <small>Published in ''Illuminations'' (1968)</small> * The art of storytelling is reaching its end because the epic side of truth, wisdom, is dying out. * If sleep is the apogee of physical relaxation, boredom is the apogee of mental relaxation. Boredom is the dream bird that hatches the egg of experience. ** p. 91 === ''{{w|Theses on the Philosophy of History}}'' (1940) === :<small> Written in 1940; first published in German (1950), in English (1955) · Unless otherwise noted, most quotes in this section use the [http://www.sfu.ca/~andrewf/CONCEPT2.html translation by Harry Zohn], published in ''Illuminations'' (1973) edited by [[Hannah Arendt]] · [http://members.efn.org/~dredmond/ThesesonHistory.html Dennis Redmond translation online (2001)] </small> [[File:Flickr - DVIDSHUB - "Ghar" Mountain.jpg|thumb|Our coming was expected on [[earth]]. Like every generation that preceded us, we have been endowed with a weak Messianic power, a [[power]] to which the [[past]] has a claim. That claim cannot be settled cheaply.]] [[File:The Brazen Serpent, Mount Nebo.jpg|thumb|There is no document of [[civilization]] which is not at the same [[time]] a document of barbarism.]] [[File:Stroop Report - Warsaw Ghetto Uprising 09.jpg|thumb|The [[tradition]] of the [[oppressed]] [[teaches]] us that the "state of emergency" in which we live is not the exception but the [[rule]].]] [[File:Klee, Angelus novus.png|thumb|This is how one pictures the [[angel]] of [[history]]. His [[face]] is turned toward the [[past]]. Where we perceive a chain of events, he sees one single catastrophe which keeps piling wreckage upon wreckage and hurls it in front of his feet...]] *Our image of [[happiness]] is indissolubly bound up with the image of the [[past]]. ** II * '''There is a secret agreement between past generations and the present one.''' Our coming was expected on earth. Like every generation that preceded us, we have been endowed with a weak Messianic power, a [[power]] to which the past has a claim. '''That claim cannot be settled cheaply.''' ** II * '''[[Nothing]] that has ever happened should be regarded as lost for [[history]].''' To be sure, only a redeemed mankind receives the fullness of its past — which is to say, only a redeemed mankind has its past become citable in all its moments. Each moment it has lived becomes a ''citation à l'ordre du jour'' — and that day is [[Judgement Day]]. ** III * The true picture of the past flits by. The past can be seized only as an image which flashes up at the instant when it can be recognized and is never seen again. ** V * The good tidings which the historian of the past brings with throbbing [[heart]] may be lost in a void the very moment he opens his mouth. ** V * '''To articulate the past historically does not mean to recognize it ‘the way it really was’ ([[w:Leopold von Ranke|Ranke]]). It means to seize hold of a [[memory]] as it flashes up at a [[moment]] of [[danger]].''' [[Historical materialism]] wishes to retain that image of the past which unexpectedly appears to man singled out by history at a moment of danger. The danger affects both the content of the tradition and its receivers. The same threat hangs over both: that of becoming a tool of the ruling classes. '''In every era the attempt must be made anew to wrest tradition away from a [[conformism]] that is about to overpower it. The [[Messiah]] comes not only as the [[redeemer]], he comes as the subduer of Antichrist.''' Only that historian will have the gift of fanning the spark of hope in the past who is firmly convinced that ''even the dead'' will not be safe from the enemy if he wins. And this enemy has not ceased to be victorious. ** Variant translation: ** '''To articulate what is past does not mean to recognize “how it really was.” It means to take control of a [[memory]], as it flashes in a [[moment]] of [[danger]].''' For historical materialism it is a question of holding fast to a picture of the past, just as if it had unexpectedly thrust itself, in a moment of danger, on the historical subject. The danger threatens the stock of tradition as much as its recipients. For both it is one and the same: handing itself over as the tool of the ruling classes. '''In every epoch, the attempt must be made to deliver tradition anew from the conformism which is on the point of overwhelming it. For the [[Messiah]] arrives not merely as the [[Redeemer]]; he also arrives as the vanquisher of the Anti-christ.''' The only writer of history with the gift of setting alight the sparks of hope in the past, is the one who is convinced of this: that not even the dead will be safe from the enemy, if he is victorious. And this enemy has not ceased to be victorious. *** As translated by Dennis Redmond (2001) * ''Es ist niemals ein Dokument der Kultur, ohne zugleich ein solches der Barbarei zu sein.'' ** '''There is no document of [[civilization]] which is not at the same time a document of barbarism.''' ** VII * The nature of this melancholy becomes clearer, once one asks the question, with whom does the historical writer of [[historicism]] actually empathize. The answer is irrefutably with the victor. Those who currently rule are however the heirs of all those who have ever been victorious. Empathy with the victors thus comes to benefit the current rulers every time. ** VII, often misquoted as "History is written by the victors" <!--although those words are actually those of [[Nehru]] (1946) see [https://books.google.ca/books?id=d6JZryGvfxYC ''The Quote Verifier: Who Said What, Where, and When'' (2007) by Ralph Keyes], Macmillan, {{ISBN|1429906170}}, 9781429906173 --> * '''The tradition of the oppressed teaches us that the "state of emergency" in which we live is not the exception but the [[rule]].''' We must attain to a conception of history that is in keeping with this insight. Then we shall clearly realize that it is our task to bring about a real state of emergency, and this will improve our position in the struggle against [[Fascism]]. One reason why Fascism has a chance is that in the name of progress its opponents treat it as a historical norm. The current amazement that the things we are experiencing are "still" possible in the twentieth century is not philosophical. This amazement is not the beginning of knowledge — unless it is the knowledge that the view of history which gives rise to it is untenable. ** VIII * A Klee painting named ‘[[w:Angelus Novus|Angelus Novus]]’ shows an angel looking as though he is about to move away from something he is fixedly contemplating. His eyes are staring, his mouth is open, his wings are spread. This is how one pictures the [[angel]] of [[history]]. His [[face]] is turned toward the past. Where we perceive a chain of events, he sees one single catastrophe which keeps piling wreckage upon wreckage and hurls it in front of his feet. The angel would like to stay, awaken the [[dead]], and make whole what has been smashed. But a [[storm]] is blowing in from [[Paradise]]; it has got caught in his wings with such [[violence]] that the angel can no longer close them. This storm irresistibly propels him into the [[future]] to which his back is turned, while the pile of debris before him grows [[Sky|skyward]]. '''This storm is what we call [[progress]].''' ** IX * The historical materialist leaves it to others to be drained by the whore called "Once upon a time" in historicism's bordello. ** XVI * '''Thinking involves not only the flow of [[thoughts]], but their arrest as well.''' ** XVII * The nourishing fruit of the historically understood contains time as a precious but tasteless seed. ** XVII * The [[present]], which, as a model of Messianic time, comprises the entire history of mankind in an enormous abridgment, coincides with the stature which the history of mankind has in the [[universe]]. ** XVIII * We know that the Jews were prohibited from investigating the [[future]]. The Torah and the prayers instruct them in [[remembrance]], however. This stripped the future of its [[magic]], to which all those succumb who turn to the soothsayers for enlightenment. This did not imply, however, that for the Jews the future turned into homogeneous empty time. For '''every second of [[time]] was the straight gate through which the [[Messiah]] might enter.''' ** Note B === ''[[w:Arcades Project|Arcades Project]]'' (1927-1940) === [[File:Passage Choiseul, 16 May 2013.jpg|thumb|right|Only a thoughtless observer can deny that correspondences come into play between the [[world]] of modern [[technology]] and the archaic [[symbol]]-world of [[mythology]].]] :<small>Ed. Roy Tiedemann, trans. Howard Eiland and Kevin McLaughlin (Harvard University: Harvard UP, 1999)</small> * '''Only a thoughtless observer can deny that correspondences come into play between the [[world]] of modern [[technology]] and the archaic [[symbol]]-world of [[mythology]].''' * [[History]] breaks down in images not into stories. * In the fields with which we are concerned knowledge exists only in [[lightning]] flashes. The text is the [[thunder]] rolling long afterwards. ==Quotes about Benjamin== <!-- [[|thumb|Walter Benjamin … observes that [[stories]] transform the storyteller as well as the listeners.]] --> * Fiction is all about that [[moment]] of transition from one to another state of being. If that [[metamorphosis]] doesn’t occur, the character doesn’t change. We, the readers, don’t change. This reminds me of Walter Benjamin, who observes that [[stories]] transform the storyteller as well as the listeners. **[[Kathleen Alcalá]], in [https://fictionwritersreview.com/interview/remaking-the-world-an-interview-with-kathleen-alcala/ "Remaking the World: An Interview with Kathleen Alcalá" (14 June 2021)] *Postmodernism, like Walter Benjamin's 'mechanical reproduction', seeks to dismantle the intimidating aura of high-modernist culture with a more demotic, user-friendly art, suspecting all hierarchies of value as privileged and elitist. There is no better or worse, just different. ** [[Terry Eagleton]] (1983, 1996), ''Literary Theory: An Introduction'', second edition, University of Minnesota Press, {{ISBN|0-8166-1251-X}}, p 202 * Walter Benjamin … must surely be among the 20th century's most overrated writers. Paris, Berlin, Moscow, Karl Kraus — Benjamin could render the juiciest of subjects arid. ** [[w:Joseph Epstein (writer)|Joseph Epstein]], in "A Very Public Intellectual", ''The Wall Street Journal'' (2 April 2011) * [A]n enormous Anglo-American industry of post-structuralist and postmodernist interpretation has grown up around the translations we have, distorting Benjamin’s real concerns. Apart from specialists familiar with the German background to his work, English-speaking readers are probably no closer to understanding Benjamin’s writings than they were when Hannah Arendt first introduced him in America over twenty-five years ago. ** [[w:Mark Lilla|Mark Lilla]], "The Riddle of Walter Benjamin", ''The New York Review of Books'' (25 May 1995) == External links == {{wikipedia}} * [http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/benjamin/ Profile at the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy] * [https://www.marxists.org/reference/archive/benjamin/index.htm Walter Benjamin Archive at marxists.org] {{DEFAULTSORT:Benjamin, Walter}} [[Category:Philosophers from Germany]] [[Category:Literary critics]] [[Category:Social critics]] [[Category:German Jews]] [[Category:1892 births]] [[Category:1940 deaths]] [[Category:People from Berlin]] [[Category:Marxist humanists]] [[Category:Critical theory]] [[Category:Aphorists]] [[Category:Political authors]] [[Category:Essayists from Germany]] [[Category:Literary critics]] [[Category:Translators from Germany]] [[Category:Mystics]] [[Category:Suicides]] [[cs:Walter Benjamin]] [[de:Walter Benjamin]] [[es:Walter Benjamin]] [[eo:Walter Benjamin]] [[gl:Walter Benjamin]] [[it:Walter Benjamin]] [[he:ולטר בנימין]] [[pl:Walter Benjamin]] [[pt:Walter Benjamin]] [[ru:Вальтер Беньямин]] [[sk:Walter Benjamin]] [[sl:Walter Benjamin]] [[tr:Walter Benjamin]] [[uk:Вальтер Беньямін]] 3uo0c6hug8okshiyf0qo3m0din0r3kb 0 4505 3778780 3685281 2025-07-14T18:15:21Z A23423413 3125316 /* Quotes about */ add 3778780 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Wberry.jpg|thumb|right|Do not [[think]] me [[gentle]] <br /> because I speak in [[praise]] <br /> of gentleness, or [[elegant]] <br /> because I [[honor]] the [[grace]] <br /> that keeps this [[world]]. I am <br /> a man crude as any, <br /> gross of [[speech]], [[intolerant]], <br /> [[stubborn]], [[angry]], full <br /> of fits and furies. That I <br /> may have spoken well <br /> at times, is not natural. <br /> A [[wonder]] is what it is.]] '''[[w:Wendell Berry|Wendell Berry]]''' (born [[5 August]] [[1934]]) is an American philosopher, poet, essayist, farmer, novelist and social activist. == Quotes== [[File:A New Harvest, with Wendell Berry, Henry County, KY, 2011 - photograph by Guy Mendes.jpg|thumb| I [[rest]] in the [[grace]] of the [[world]], and am [[free]].]] [[File:NASA Releases New High-Resolution Earthrise Image.png|thumb|It is [[impossible]] to care for each other more or differently than we care for the [[earth]].]] [[File:Kingston-plant-spill-swanpond-tn2.jpg|thumb|right|The [[global economy]] is built on the [[principle]] that one place can be exploited, even destroyed, for the sake of another place.]] [[File:Galunggung.jpg|thumb|right|Whether we and our [[politicians]] [[know]] it or not, [[Nature]] is party to [[all]] our deals and [[decisions]], and she has more [[votes]], a longer [[memory]], and a sterner [[sense]] of [[justice]] than we do.]] [[File:Martin County Coal Sludge Spill - Oct 22 2000 Wolf Creek.jpg|thumb|right|Most of us are still too [[sane]] to piss in our own cistern, but we allow others to do so and we reward them for it.]] * '''I come into the [[presence]] of still [[water]].''' <br /> And I feel above me the day-blind stars <br /> waiting with their light. '''For a [[time]] <br /> I [[rest]] in the [[grace]] of the [[world]], and am [[free]].''' ** "The Peace of Wild Things" in ''Green River Review'', No. 1 (1968) {{anchor|BorrowedFromChildren}} * '''I am speaking of the life of a man who knows that the world is not given by his fathers, but borrowed from his children; who has undertaken to cherish it and do it no damage, not because he is duty-bound, but because he loves the world and loves his children'''; whose work serves the earth he lives on and from and with, and is therefore pleasurable and meaningful and unending; whose rewards are not deferred until "retirement," but arrive daily and seasonally out of the details of the life of their place; '''whose goal is the continuance of the life of the world, which for a while animates and contains them, and which they know they can never compass with their understanding or desire.''' ** ''The Unforeseen Wilderness : An Essay on Kentucky's Red River Gorge'' (1971), p. 33; what is likely a paraphrase of a portion of this has existed since at least 1997, and has sometimes become misattributed to [[John James Audubon]]: A true conservationist is a man who knows that the world is not given by his fathers, but borrowed from his children. * '''It is [[impossible]] to care for each other more or differently than we care for the [[earth]].''' <br /> This last statement becomes obvious enough when it is considered that the earth is what we all have [[Commons|in common]], that it is what we are made of and what we [[live]] from, and that we therefore cannot [[damage]] it without damaging those with whom we [[share]] it. But I [[believe]] it goes farther and deeper than that. '''There is an uncanny ''resemblance'' between our [[behavior]] toward each other and our behavior toward the earth.''' Between our relation to our own [[sexuality]] and our relation to the reproductivity of the earth, for instance, the resemblance is plain and strong. '''By some [[connection]] we do not recognize, the willingness to [[exploit]] one becomes the willingness to exploit the other.''' ** ''The Unsettling of America'' (1977), Chapter Seven : The Body and the Earth * '''Today, local economies are being destroyed by the "pluralistic," displaced, [[global economy]], which has no respect for what works in a locality. The global economy is built on the principle that one place can be exploited, even destroyed, for the sake of another place.''' ** Interview in ''New Perspectives Quarterly'' (1992), quoted in his [http://www.poetryfoundation.org/archive/poet.html?id=540 Profile at The Poetry Foundation] * Once plants and animals were raised together on the same farm — which therefore neither produced unmanageable surpluses of manure, to be wasted and to pollute the water supply, nor depended on such quantities of commercial fertilizer. '''The genius of America farm experts is very well demonstrated here: they can take a solution and divide it neatly into two problems.''' ** ''The Unsettling of America : Culture & Agriculture'' (1996), p. 62 * '''Whether we and our politicians know it or not, Nature is party to all our deals and decisions, and she has more votes, a longer memory, and a sterner sense of justice than we do.''' ** Part of an [http://www.ecobooks.com/books/dying.htm endorsement statement for ''The Dying of the Trees'' (1997) by Charles E. Little] * The line that connects the bombing of civilian populations to the mountain removed by strip mining … to the tortured prisoner seems to run pretty straight. '''We're living, it seems, in the culmination of a long warfare — warfare against human beings, other creatures and the Earth itself.''' ** [http://www.lindsey.edu/index.cgi?id=10379 Commencement address at Lindsey Wilson College (14 May 2005)] * '''We Americans are not usually thought to be a submissive people, but of course we are. Why else would we allow our country to be destroyed? Why else would we be rewarding its destroyers?''' Why else would we all — by proxies we have given to greedy corporations and corrupt politicians — be participating in its destruction? '''Most of us are still too sane to piss in our own cistern, but we allow others to do so and we reward them for it.''' We reward them so well, in fact, that those who piss in our cistern are wealthier than the rest of us. <br /> '''How do we submit? By not being radical enough. Or by not being thorough enough, which is the same thing.''' ** [http://www.orionmagazine.org/index.php/articles/article/147/ "Compromise, Hell!" ''Orion'' magazine (November/December 2004)] * '''We need to confront honestly the issue of scale.''' Bigness has a charm and a drama that are seductive, especially to politicians and financiers; but bigness promotes greed, indifference, and damage, and often bigness is not necessary. You may need a large corporation to run an airline or to manufacture cars, but you don't need a large corporation to raise a chicken or a hog. '''You don't need a large corporation to process local food or local timber and market it locally.''' ** "Compromise, Hell!" *“There’s nothing under the ground that’s worth more than the little layer of topsoil sitting on top of it.” **[http://thirtythreadbaremercies.wordpress.com/2012/10/30/the-mad-farmer-lives-a-night-with-wendell-berry/# Comment at City Arts & Lecture Series, Herbst Theater, San Francisco, CA; 29 October 2012] * I'm not a Baptist in any formal way. I go to the Baptist church, where my wife plays the piano, on days of bad weather. On days of good weather, I ramble off into the woods somewhere. I am a person who takes the Gospel seriously, but I have had trouble conforming my thoughts to a denomination. ** [http://www.wnyc.org/story/wendell-berry/ The Brian Lehrer Show (17 October 2013)] === ''The Long-Legged House'' (1969)=== [[File:ForestBurn.jpg|thumb|Far from making [[War and peace|peace, wars]] invariably serve as classrooms and laboratories where [[men]] and [[techniques]] and states of [[mind]] are prepared for the next [[war]].]] [[File:Montaña de basura junto al lago Managua.jpg|thumb|right|We haven't accepted — we can't really [[believe]] — that the most characteristic product of our age of [[scientific]] [[miracles]] is junk, but that is so.]] [[File:Water drop on a leaf.jpg|thumb|right|We have lived by the assumption that what was [[good]] for us would be good for the [[world]]. We have been [[wrong]]. … live by the contrary assumption that what is good for the world will be good for us.]] * When the possessions and households of citizens are no longer honored by the acts, as well as the principles, of their government, then the concentration camp ceases to be one of the possibilities of human nature and becomes one of its likelihoods. ** "The Landscaping of Hell : Strip-Mine Morality" (1965) * The rule, acknowledged or not, seems to be that if we have great power we must use it. We would use a steam shovel to pick up a dime. We have experts who can prove there is no other way to do it. ** "The Loss of the Future" * '''A community is the mental and spiritual condition of knowing that the place is shared, and that the people who share the place define and limit the possibilities of each other's lives.''' It is the knowledge that people have of each other, their concern for each other, their trust in each other, the freedom with which they come and go among themselves. ** "The Loss of the Future" * '''We have become blind to the alternatives to violence.''' This involves us in a sort of official madness, in which, while following what seems to be a perfect logic of self-defense and deterrence, we commit one absurdity after another: We seek to preserve peace by fighting a [[war]], or to advance freedom by subsidizing dictatorships, or to "win the hearts and minds of the people" by poisoning their crops and burning their villages and confining them in concentration camps; we seek to uphold the "truth" of our cause with lies, or to answer conscientious dissent with threats and slurs and intimidations. … I have come to the realization that I can no longer imagine a war that I would believe to be either useful or necessary. I would be against any war. ** [http://books.google.com/books?id=-hHNuLumg8wC&pg=PA68 "A Statement Against the War in Vietnam" an address at the University of Kentucky (10 February 1968)] * '''[[War and peace|Wars have never made peace]] or preserved it or fostered its [[ideals]].''' To have peace you must make [[peace]] with your [[enemy]]. To make peace only with your [[friends]] is to avoid the issue, and to permit a [[great]] [[principle]] to become [[absurd]]. '''Far from making peace, wars invariably serve as classrooms and laboratories where [[men]] and [[techniques]] and states of [[mind]] are prepared for the next war.''' **"A Statement against the War in Vietnam" * '''If I solve my dispute with my neighbor by killing him, I have certainly solved the immediate dispute.''' If my neighbor was a scoundrel, then the world is no doubt better for his absence. But in killing my neighbor, though he may have been a terrible man who did not deserve to live, I have made myself a killer — and the life of my next neighbor is in greater peril than the life of the last. '''In making myself a killer I have destroyed the possibility of neighborhood.''' **"A Statement against the War in Vietnam" * '''We haven't accepted — we can't really believe — that the most characteristic product of our age of scientific miracles is junk, but that is so.''' And we still think and behave as though we face an unspoiled continent, with thousands of acres of living space for every man. We still sing "America the Beautiful" as though we had not created in it, by strenuous effort, at great expense, and with dauntless self-praise, an unprecedented ugliness. **"The Rise" * '''We have lived by the assumption that what was good for us would be good for the world. ... We have been wrong.''' We must change our lives, so that it will be possible to live by the contrary assumption that what is good for the world will be good for us. . . We must recover the sense of the majesty of the creation and the ability to be worshipful in its presence. For '''it is only on the condition of humility and reverence before the world that our species will be able to remain in it.''' **"A Native Hill" === ''A Continuous Harmony'' (1972)=== [[File:Jakarta slumlife54.JPG|thumb|right|[[Individualism]] is going around these days in uniform, handing out the party line on individualism.]] * '''Individualism is going around these days in uniform, handing out the party line on individualism.''' ** "Think Little" * Our model citizen is a sophisticate who before puberty understands how to produce a baby, but who at the age of thirty will not know how to produce a potato. ** "Think Little" * '''We need better government, no doubt about it. But we also need better minds, better friendships, better marriages, better communities.''' ** "Think Little" === ''What Are People For?'' (1990) === [[File:Kalgoorlie open cast mine.jpg|thumb|right|A man with a [[machine]] and inadequate [[culture]] … is a pestilence. He shakes more than he can hold.]] [[File:Potato EarlyRose sprouts.jpg|thumb|right|The [[teachers]] are everywhere. What is wanted is a [[learner]].]] [[File:Coalsludge.JPG|thumb|right|We are [[living]] even [[now]] among [[punishments]] and [[ruins]].]] [[File:US Navy 060608-N-6501M-005 The U.S. Military Sealift Command (MSC) Hospital ship USNS Mercy (T-AH 19), anchored off of the coast of Jolo City.jpg|thumb|right|[[Rats]] and roaches live by [[competition]] under the [[laws]] of supply and demand; it is the privilege of [[human]] beings to live under the laws of [[justice]] and [[mercy]].]] * An art that heals and protects its subject is a geography of scars. **"Damage" * The more local and settled a culture, the better it stays put, the less the damage. It is the foreigner whose road of excess leads to a desert … '''a man with a machine and inadequate culture … is a pestilence. He shakes more than he can hold.''' ** "Damage" * Novelty is a new kind of loneliness. **"Healing" * '''The teachers are everywhere. What is wanted is a learner.''' **"Healing" * '''We are living even now among punishments and ruins.''' **"A Few Words in Favor of [[Edward Abbey]]" * A teacher's major contribution may pop out anonymously in the life of some ex-student's grandchild. '''A teacher, finally, has nothing to go on but faith, a student nothing to offer in return but testimony.''' **"[[w:Wallace Stegner|Wallace Stegner]] and the Great Community" * '''We are living in the most destructive and, hence, the most stupid period of the history of our species.''' **"A Poem of Difficult Hope" * '''Much protest is naive; it expects quick, visible improvement and despairs and gives up when such improvement does not come.''' Protesters who hold out for longer have perhaps understood that success is not the proper goal. If protest depended on success, there would be little protest of any durability or significance. History simply affords too little evidence that anyone's individual protest is of any use. '''Protest that endures, I think, is moved by a hope far more modest than that of public success: namely, the hope of preserving qualities in one's own heart and spirit that would be destroyed by acquiescence.''' **"A Poem of Difficult Hope" * '''What we do need to worry about is the possibility that we will be reduced, in the face of the enormities of our time, to silence or to mere protest.''' **"A Poem of Difficult Hope" * Poetry can be written only because it has been written. **"The Responsibility of the Poet" * '''Professional standards, the standards of ambition and selfishness, are always sliding downward toward expense, ostentation, and mediocrity. They tend always to narrow the ground of judgment.''' But amateur standards, the standards of love, are always straining upward toward the humble and the best. They enlarge the ground of judgment. '''The context of love is the world.''' **"The Responsibility of the Poet" * The ecological teaching of the Bible is simply inescapable: '''God made the world because He wanted it made. He thinks the world is good, and He loves it. It is His world; He has never relinquished title to it. And He has never revoked the conditions, bearing on His gift to us of the use of it, that oblige us to take excellent care of it.''' **"God and Country" * '''Rats and roaches live by competition under the laws of supply and demand; it is the privilege of human beings to live under the laws of justice and mercy.''' ** "Economy and Pleasure" * '''Eating is an agricultural act.''' ** [http://www.stjoan.com/ecosp/docs/pleasures_of_eating_by_wendell_b.htm "The Pleasures of Eating"] === ''Sex, Economy, Freedom & Community'' (1993)=== [[File:Libertatis Aequilibritas GFDL.png|thumb|right|If you can [[control]] a [[people]]’s [[economy]], you don’t [[need]] to [[worry]] about its [[politics]]; its politics have become irrelevant.]] * '''The most alarming sign of the state of our [[society]] [[now]] is that our leaders have the courage to [[sacrifice]] the [[lives]] of young [[people]] in [[war]], but have not the [[courage]] to tell us that we must be less [[greedy]] and less wasteful.''' ** "Peaceableness Toward Enemies" * It is [[wrong]] to condemn people for doing a thing and then offer no alternative but [[failure]]. '''A person could get [[angry|mad]] about that.''' ** "The Problem of Tobacco" * '''The issue here really is not whether international trade shall be free but whether or not it makes any sense for a country — or, for that matter, a region — to destroy its own capacity to produce its own food.''' How can a [[government]], entrusted with the safety and health of its people, conscientiously barter away in the name of an economic idea that people’s ability to feed itself? '''And if people lose their ability to feed themselves, how can they be said to be free?''' ** "A Bad Big Idea" * Anybody interested in solving, rather than profiting from, the problems of [[food]] production and distribution will see that in the long run the safest food supply is a local food supply, not a supply that is dependent on a global economy. '''Nations and regions within nations must be left free — and should be encouraged — to develop the local food economies that best suit local needs and local conditions.''' ** "A Bad Big Idea" === ''Another Turn of the Crank'' (1996)=== [[File:Double-alaskan-rainbow.jpg|thumb|right|Never forget: We are [[alive]] within [[mysteries]].]] * '''By this time, the era of cut-and-run economics ought to be finished. Such an economy cannot be rationally defended or even [[apologized]] for. The [[proofs]] of its immense [[folly]], heartlessness, and destructiveness are everywhere.''' Its [[failure]] as a way of dealing with the natural world and human society can no longer be sanely denied. That this economic system persists and grows larger and stronger in spite of its evident failure has nothing to do with [[rationality]] or, for that matter, with [[evidence]]. It persists because, embodied now in multinational corporations, it has discovered a terrifying truth: '''If you can [[control]] a [[people]]’s [[economy]], you don’t [[need]] to [[worry]] about its [[politics]]; its politics have become irrelevant.''' If you control people’s choices as to whether or not they will work, and where they will work, and what they will do, and how well they will do it, and what they will eat and wear, and the genetic makeup of their crops and animals, and what they will do for amusement, then why should you worry about freedom of speech? '''In a [[totalitarian]] [[economy]], any "political liberties" that the people might retain would simply cease to matter.''' If, as is often the case already, nobody can be elected who is not wealthy, and if nobody can be wealthy without dependence on the corporate economy, then what is your vote worth? '''The citizen thus becomes an economic subject.''' ** "Conserving Forest Communities" * '''I [[believe]] that the [[world]] was created and approved by [[love]], that it subsists, coheres, and endures by love, and that, insofar as it is [[redeemable]], it can be redeemed only by love.''' ** "Health is Membership" === ''Life Is A Miracle : An Essay Against Modern Superstition'' (2000)=== [[File:Brocken-tanzawa.JPG|thumb|right|We live beyond words, as also we live beyond computation and beyond theory.]] * '''Never forget: We are alive within mysteries.''' * Reductionism (ultimately, the empirical explanability of everything and a cornerstone of science), has uses that are appropriate, and it also can be used inappropriately. It is appropriately used as a way (one way) of understanding what is empirically known or empirically knowable. '''When it becomes merely an intellectual "position" confronting what is not empirically known or knowable, then it becomes very quickly absurd, and also grossly desensitizing and false.''' * We know enough of our own history by now to be aware that people exploit what they have merely concluded to be of value, but they defend what they love. '''To defend what we love we need a particularizing language, for we love what we particularly know.''' * '''We are alive within mystery, by miracle.''' "Life," wrote [[w:Erwin Chargaff|Erwin Chargaff]], "is the continual intervention of the inexplicable." '''We have more than we can know. We know more than we can say.''' The constructions of language (which is to say the constructions of thought) are formed within experience, not the other way around. Finally '''we live beyond words, as also we live beyond computation and beyond theory. There is no reason whatever to assume that the languages of science are less limited than other languages.''' === ''Citizenship Papers'' (2003) === ==== A Citizen's Response ==== [[File:Operation_Upshot-Knothole_-_Badger_001.jpg|thumb|right|One cannot reduce terror by holding over the world the threat of what it most fears.]] [[File:Church of the Atonement (Crooksville, Ohio) - stained glass, Holy Spirit as a dove.jpg|thumb|right|If we are serious about peace, then we must work for it as ardently, seriously, continuously, carefully, and bravely as we have ever prepared for war.]] * To imply by the word "terrorism" that this sort of terror is the work exclusively of "terrorists" is misleading. The "legitimate" warfare of technologically advanced nations likewise is premeditated, politically motivated violence perpetrated against innocents. '''The distinction between the ''intention'' to perpetrate violence against innocents, as in "terrorism," and the ''willingness'' to do so, as in "war," is not a source of comfort.''' * Much of the obscurity of our effort so far against terrorism originates in the now official idea that the enemy is evil and that we are (therefore) good, '''which is the precise mirror image of the official idea of the terrorists.''' * '''One cannot reduce terror by holding over the world the threat of what it most fears.''' * We cannot hope to be secure when our government has declared, by its readiness "to act alone," its willingness to be everybody's enemy. * After World War II, we hoped the world might be united for the sake of peacemaking. Now the world is being "globalized" for the sake of trade and the so-called free market — for the sake, that is, of plundering the world for cheap labor, cheap energy, and cheap materials. '''How nations, let alone regions and communities, are to shape and protect themselves within this "global economy" is far from clear.''' * Our Constitution, by its separation of powers and its system of checks and balances, acts as a restraint upon efficiency by denying exclusive power to any branch of government. '''The logic of governmental efficiency, unchecked, runs straight on, not only to dictatorship, but also to torture, assassination, and other abominations.''' * On eroding, ecologically degraded, increasingly toxic landscapes, worked by failing or subsidy-dependent farmers and by the cheap labor of migrants, we have erected the tottering tower of "agribusiness," which prospers and "feeds the world" (incompletely and temporarily) by undermining its own foundations. * '''If we are serious about peace, then we must work for it as ardently, seriously, continuously, carefully, and bravely as we have ever prepared for war.''' ==== The Failure of War ==== [[File:Coalition of the Willing, To Power.svg|thumb|right|National defense through [[war]] always involves some degree of national defeat.]] [[File:Reichsparteitag 1935 mod.jpg|thumb|right|There is a fundamental inconsistency between [[war]] and [[freedom]].]] [[File:Mother consoles daughter after rocket attack.jpg|thumb|right|It is useless to try to adjudicate a long-standing [[animosity]] by asking who started it or who is the most [[wrong]].]] [[File:Shaymaa al-Masri, five years old, at a-Shifaa Hospital, Gaza. Shaymaa was injured when her uncle’s house was bombed in the early afternoon of 9 July 2014.jpg|thumb|right|We [[must]] [[begin]] [[again]] by trying to [[imagine]] our [[enemies]]' [[children]] who, like our children, are in mortal [[danger]] because of enmity that they did not [[cause]].]] * If you know even as little history as I do, it is hard not to doubt the efficacy of modern war as a solution to any problem except that of retribution — the “justice” of exchanging one damage for another. * '''National defense through [[war]] always involves some degree of national [[defeat]].''' This paradox has been with us from the very beginning of our republic. Militarization in defense of freedom reduces the freedom of the defenders. '''There is a fundamental inconsistency between war and [[freedom]].''' * '''In a modern war, fought with modern weapons and on the modern scale, neither side can limit to “the enemy” the damage that it does. These wars damage the [[world]].''' We know enough by now to know that you cannot damage a part of the world without damaging all of it. Modern war has not only made it impossible to kill “combatants” without killing “noncombatants,” it has made it impossible to damage your enemy without damaging yourself. * Our century of war, militarism, and political terror has produced great — and successful — advocates of true peace, among whom [[Mohandas Gandhi]] and [[Martin Luther King, Jr.]], are the paramount examples. The considerable success that they achieved testifies to the presence, in the midst of violence, of an authentic and powerful desire for peace and, more important, of the proven will to make the necessary sacrifices. * '''We cling in our public life to a brutal [[hypocrisy]].''' In our century of almost universal violence of humans against fellow humans, and against our natural and cultural commonwealth, hypocrisy has been inescapable because '''our opposition to violence has been selective or merely [[fashionable]].''' Some of us who approve of our monstrous military budget and our peacekeeping wars nonetheless deplore “domestic violence” and think that our society can be pacified by “gun control.” Some of us are against capital punishment but for abortion. Some of us are against abortion but for capital punishment. * '''[[Violence]] breeds violence. Acts of violence committed in “justice” or in affirmation of “rights” or in defense of “peace” do not end violence. They prepare and justify its continuation.''' * What could be more [[absurd]], to begin with, than our [[attitude]] of high moral outrage against other nations for manufacturing the selfsame weapons that we manufacture? The difference, as our leaders say, is that we will use these weapons [[virtuously]], whereas our enemies will use them [[maliciously]] — a proposition that too readily conforms to a proposition of much less [[dignity]]: '''we will use them in our interest, whereas our enemies will use them in theirs.''' * '''I think we must be careful about too easily accepting, or being too easily grateful for, sacrifices made by others, especially if we have made none ourselves.''' * '''Let us have the [[candor]] to acknowledge that what we call “the economy” or “the free market” is less and less distinguishable from warfare.''' For about half of the last century, we worried about world conquest by international [[communism]]. Now with less worry (so far) we are witnessing world conquest by international [[capitalism]]. Though its political means are milder (so far) than those of communism, this newly internationalized capitalism may prove even more destructive of human cultures and communities, of freedom, and of nature. '''Its tendency is just as much toward total dominance and control.''' * '''We are disposed, somewhat by [[culture]] and somewhat by [[nature]], to solve our problems by violence, and even to [[enjoy]] doing so.''' And yet by now all of us must at least have suspected that our right to live, to be free, and to be at peace is not guaranteed by any act of violence. '''It can be guaranteed only by our willingness that all other persons should live, be free, and be at peace — and by our willingness to use or give our own lives to make that possible.''' * '''It is useless to try to adjudicate a long-standing [[animosity]] by asking who started it or who is the most wrong.''' The only sufficient answer is to give up the animosity and try [[forgiveness]], to try to love our enemies and to talk to them and (if we [[pray]]) to pray for them. If we can't do any of that, then '''we must begin again by trying to imagine our enemies' children who, like our children, are in mortal [[danger]] because of enmity that they did not cause.''' ==== The Total Economy ==== * '''A corporation, essentially, is a pile of [[money]] to which a number of persons have sold their [[moral]] allegiance.''' Unlike a person, a corporation does not age. It does not arrive, as most persons finally do, at a realization of the shortness and smallness of human lives; it does not come to see the future as the lifetime of the children and grandchildren of anybody in particular. ==== Watershed and Commonwealth ==== * People who live at the lower ends of watersheds cannot be isolationists — or not for long. Pretty soon they will notice that water flows, and that will set them to thinking about the people upstream who either do or do not send down their silt and pollutants and garbage. Thinking about the people upstream out to cause further thinking about the people downstream. Such pondering on the facts of gravity and the fluidity of water shows us that the golden rule speaks to a condition of absolute interdependency and obligation. People who live on rivers — or, in fact, anywhere in a watershed — might rephrase the rule in this way: '''Do unto those downstream as you would have those upstream do unto you.''' === ''The Way of Ignorance'' (2005)=== [[File:Red Angus Heifer.jpg|thumb|right|To farm is to be placed absolutely.]] * In the effort to tell a whole [[story]], to see it whole and clear, I have had to imagine more than I have known. **"Imagination in Place" * '''The most insistent and formidable concern of agriculture, wherever it is taken seriously, is the distinct individuality of every farm, every field on every farm, every farm family, and every creature on every farm.''' **"Imagination in Place" * To farm is to be placed absolutely. **"Imagination in Place" * '''The ability to speak exactly is intimately related to the ability to know exactly.''' **"Imagination in Place" === ''Given'' (2005)=== ==== Sabbaths 2001 ==== [[File:Slow is cool in this garden.jpg|thumb|right|Ask the [[world]] to reveal its quietude...]] [[File:Fotothek df n-31 0000132 Gas- und Wärmenetzmonteur.jpg|thumb|right|A mind that has confronted ruin for years <br /> Is half or more a ruined mind.]] [[File:Fotothek df n-13 0000104.jpg|thumb|right|Small creatures die because <br /> larger creatures are hungry.]] * '''Ask the world to reveal its quietude''' — <br /> not the silence of machines when they are still, <br /> but the true quiet by which birdsongs, <br /> trees, bellworts, snails, clouds, storms <br /> become what they are, and are nothing else. * '''A mind that has confronted ruin for years <br /> Is half or more a ruined mind.''' * Sit and be still <br /> until in the time <br /> of no rain you hear <br /> beneath the dry wind's <br /> commotion in the trees <br /> the sound of flowing <br /> water among the rocks, <br /> a stream unheard before, <br /> and '''you are where <br /> breathing is prayer.''' * Small creatures die because <br /> larger creatures are hungry. <br /> How superior to this <br /> human confusion of greed <br /> and creed, blood and fire. === ''Standing by Words: Essays'' (2011) === ==== Poetry and Marriage: The Use of Old Forms (1982) ==== * There are, it seems, two Muses: the Muse of Inspiration, who gives us inarticulate visions and desires, and the Muse of Realization, who returns again and again to say, “It is yet more difficult than you thought.” This is the muse of form. The first muse is the one mainly listened to in a cheap-energy civilization, in which “economic health” depends on the assumption that everything desirable lies within easy reach of anyone. To hear the second muse one must move outside the cheap-energy enclosure. It is the willingness to hear the second muse that keeps us cheerful in our work. To hear only the first is to live in the bitterness of disappointment. * It may be, then, that form serves us best when it works as an obstruction to baffle us and deflect our intended course. It may be that when we no longer know what to do we have come to our real work and that when we no longer know which way to go we have begun our real journey. The mind that is not baffled is not employed. The impeded stream is the one that sings. ===Caretaking by Wendell Berry and [[Helena Norberg-Hodge]], ''Orion Magazine'', (12 March 2019)=== *What one has to say to begin with is that, as humans, we are limited in intelligence and we really have no reliable foresight. So none of us will come up with answers to the whole great problem. What we can do is judge our behavior, our history, and our present situation by a better standard than “efficiency” or “profit,” or those measures that we’re still using to determine economic decisions. *The standard that I always come back to is the health of the world, which is the same as our own personal health. We can’t distinguish our health from the health of everything else. And we know enough from the ecologists now to know that health is a very complex and un-understandable complexity of relationships that makes the world whole. *One of the roots of the problem is the focus of environmentalists. The conservation movement, for one hundred years, has, at least in this country, focused on wilderness preservation—places of spectacular rocks and waterfalls—at the expense of what I would call the “economic landscapes” of farming, forestry, and mining. *The politicians have kept the environmental movement quiet by designating wilderness areas. And in the meantime, they’ve let corporations run completely out of control, and extraordinarily destructively, in the economic landscapes, without any acknowledgement at all that the natural world is out there just the same as it is in the parks. *Small farms make economic sense. They also produce more happiness, more beauty, more health—those things that aren’t so quantifiable... *There’s far too much generalization now about rural America. Conservatives and corporations have had their eye on rural America all along. And they’ve been turning it into money as fast as they can, which is to say destroying the land and the people... *The problem is that rural America has been a colony, certainly throughout my lifetime. I don’t think anybody’s paid attention to rural America since about 1945 or ’50. Certainly not since 1952, when Eisenhower’s Secretary of Agriculture said to the farmers: “Get big or get out.” They’ve just abandoned rural America to corporations and technologies. === Poems === [[File:Cristo Redentor - Rio.jpg|thumb|right|The [[poem]] is important, but not more than the [[people]] whose [[survival]] it serves...]] [[File:Cristo degli abissi.jpg|thumb|right|Every [[day]] do something that won't compute.]] [[File:Reineke.jpg|thumb|right| As soon as the generals and the politicos can predict the motions of your [[mind]], lose it.]] <!-- [[File:Bruno Liljefors - Rävhona med ungar och byte.jpg|thumb|right|]] --> [[File:Renard alsac.jpg|thumb|right| Be like the [[fox]] who makes more tracks than [[necessary]], some in the [[wrong]] direction.]] [[File:Passion of Christ.jpg|thumb|right|[[Practice]] [[resurrection]].]] [[File:Potato heart mutation.jpg|thumb|right|To be [[sane]] in a mad time is bad for the brain, worse for the [[heart]].]] [[File:As08-16-2593.jpg|thumb|right|What I stand for is what I stand on.]] * '''Let me say <br /> and not mourn: the world <br /> lives in the death of speech <br /> and sings there.''' ** ''The Silence'' * '''Do not think me gentle <br /> because I speak in praise <br /> of gentleness, or elegant <br /> because I honor the grace <br /> that keeps this world.''' I am <br /> a man crude as any, <br /> gross of speech, intolerant, <br /> stubborn, angry, full <br /> of fits and furies. '''That I <br /> may have spoken well <br /> at times, is not natural. <br /> A wonder is what it is.''' ** ''A Warning To My Readers'' * '''The poem is important, but <br /> not more than the people <br /> whose survival it serves...''' ** ''In A Motel Parking Lot, Thinking Of Dr. Williams'' * '''Love the quick profit, the annual raise, <br /> vacation with pay. Want more <br /> of everything ready-made. Be afraid <br /> to know your neighbors and to die.''' <br /> And you will have a window in your head. <br /> Not even your future will be a mystery <br /> any more. Your mind will be punched in a card <br /> and shut away in a little drawer. <br /> When they want you to buy something <br /> they will call you. When they want you <br /> to die for profit they will let you know. <p> So, friends, '''every day do something<br />that won't compute.''' Love the Lord.<br /> '''Love the world. Work for nothing.''' <br />Take all that you have and be poor.<br />Love someone who does not deserve it.<br /> Denounce the government and embrace<br />the flag. Hope to live in that free<br />republic for which it stands.<br /> Give your approval to all you cannot<br />understand. Praise ignorance, for what man<br />has not encountered he has not destroyed.<br /> **[http://www.context.org/ICLIB/IC30/Berry.htm "Manifesto: The Mad Farmer Liberation Front"] in ''Farming: A Hand Book'' (1970) * '''Ask the questions that have no answers. <br /> Invest in the millenium.''' ** "Manifesto: The Mad Farmer Liberation Front" in ''Farming: A Hand Book'' (1970) * '''Laugh. <br /> Laughter is immeasurable. Be joyful <br /> though you have considered all the facts.''' ** "Manifesto: The Mad Farmer Liberation Front" in ''Farming: A Hand Book'' (1970) * '''As soon as the generals and the politicos <br /> can predict the motions of your mind, <br /> lose it.''' Leave it as a sign <br /> to mark the false trail, the way <br /> you didn't go. <p> '''Be like the fox <br /> who makes more tracks than necessary, <br /> some in the wrong direction. <br /> Practice resurrection.''' ** "Manifesto: The Mad Farmer Liberation Front" in ''Farming: A Hand Book'' (1970) * To be sane in a mad time <br /> is bad for the brain, worse <br /> for the heart. **"The Mad Farmer Manifesto: The First Amendment" in ''The Country of Marriage'' (1973) * '''What I stand for<br />is what I stand on.''' **"Below" in ''A Part'' (1980) * From the union of power and money, <br /> from the union of power and secrecy, <br /> from the union of government and science, <br /> from the union of government and art, <br /> from the union of science and money, <br /> '''from the union of ambition and ignorance, <br /> from the union of genius and war, <br /> from the union of outer space and inner vacuity, <br /> the Mad Farmer walks quietly away.''' **"The Mad Farmer, Flying the Flag of Rough Branch, Secedes from the Union" in ''Entries'' (1997) ==Quotes about== * There is an American poet called Wendell Berry whose poetry I really admire tremendously for its clarity, for the way in which he uses language that really has a music in it and yet that really has an ordinary, everyday quality to it which never ever gets prosaic. I believe in that kind of poetry. **[[Kendel Hippolyte]], ''Talk Yuh Talk: Interviews with Anglophone Caribbean Poets'' by Kwame Dawes (2000) *Wendell Berry has been a formative influence ever since I began gardening and writing about our entanglement with nature back in the 1980s. He showed me a path out of the usual dualism — culture or nature — that has dominated American writing about nature since the Puritans. Plus he showed me how to construct a sturdy sentence. **[[Michael Pollan]] [https://www.nytimes.com/2021/07/08/books/review/michael-pollan-by-the-book-interview.html interview] (2021) ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{commonscat}} * [http://brtom.typepad.com/wberry/ Mr. Wendell Berry of Kentucky] Extensive links to material by or about Wendell Berry * [http://www.poets.org/poets/poets.cfm?45442B7C000C000C0B Wendell Berry] Academy of American Poets * [http://www.commondreams.org/views01/1207-01.htm The Failure of War] at CommonDreams.org * [http://oriononline.org/pages/oo/sidebars/America/Berry.html Thoughts in the Presence of Fear] at Orion online. * [http://www.orionsociety.org/pages/om/04-6om/Berry.html Compromise, Hell!] Essay at Orion online. * [http://plagiarist.com/poetry/?aid=139 Wendell Berry poetry online] at Plagiarist.com * [http://www.fireandknowledge.org/archives/category/quotes/?s=wendell+berry Many Wendell Berry quotes] at FireAndKnowledge.org {{DEFAULTSORT:Berry, Wendell}} [[Category:Academics from the United States]] [[Category:Poets from Kentucky]] [[Category:Novelists from Kentucky]] [[Category:Essayists from the United States]] [[Category:Short story writers from the United States]] [[Category:Critics from the United States]] [[Category:Cultural critics]] [[Category:Activists from the United States]] [[Category:Social activists]] [[Category:Environmentalists from the United States]] [[Category:Baptists from the United States]] [[Category:Pacifists]] [[Category:1934 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Philosophers from the United States]] [[Category:Farmers]] [[bs:Wendell Berry]] [[cs:Wendell Berry]] rif9d9mbsmsnusmgc7ivto7pbknv5wz 0 5047 3778482 3778469 2025-07-14T12:03:36Z 2001:D08:E6:D35B:F1C9:BD8D:3173:8E81 3778482 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:PM Mahathir Mohamad gives press statement in Jakarta 2018-06-29.jpg|210px|thumb|Mahathir Mohamad in 2018]] '''[[w:Mahathir Mohamad|Mahathir Mohamad]]''' (born [[10 July]] [[1925]]) is a [[Malaysia|Malaysian]] politician who was the country's Prime Minister from 1981 to 2003 and 2018 to 2020. == Quotes == ===1981=== ====Opening of the ASEAN Travel Forum==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1427 Speech at the opening of the ASEAN Travel Forum, Genting Highlands, 20 October 1981]</small> *The coming together of ASEAN countries for the purpose of creating greater business opportunities for those involved in the tourist industry once again demonstrates ASEAN's determination to foster closer cooperation among member countries. *ASEAN firmly believes in regional cooperation as a means to achieve greater prosperity and stability for our region. *We have the potential to develop a wide variety of attractions within our region and these can indeed be promoted among our own people as well as among international visitors. *Let us put our heads together to evolve ways and means to develop the tourist industry in the ASEAN region. ====Third International Conference of Non-Governmental Organisations on Dadah Use Prevention and Control==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1621 Speech at the Third International Conference of Non-Governmental Organisations on Dadah Use Prevention and Control, Kuala Lumpur, 2 November 1981]</small> *Malaysia, like many other countries, is fully aware of the seriousness and complexity of the global problems of dadah use and substance abuse, and we fully endorse all international efforts, be it governmental or non-governmental, directed towards the eradication of this social menace. *The dadah problem in a sinister way is very democratic in that it does not discriminate against religion, racial descent, or socio-economic background of a person. *Malaysia comprehends the magnitude of the dadah problem. We have accordingly designated it as a security problem. *Insights, understanding and concepts are meaningless and empty unless bold action is taken to ensure results. *For us in Malaysia, the dadah problem is still our number one enemy. As a security problem, it will be given priority. *We cannot allow the expression "everybody’s responsibility is no one’s concern" to be true of dadah prevention. *Dadah is one enemy that we cannot say, "If we cannot fight its abuse, we can join in the abuse." *The obvious answer to the problem is to move on a broad front, to tackle both the underlying and the related dadah problem together. *ASEAN countries, who are both the source and the bearer of the brunt of the international dadah problem, merit greater attention of the world community. *In short, for the sake of future generations, we all have to respond actively, positively and urgently to overcome the dadah problem. ==== Speech at the ASEAN-U.S. Economic Conference ==== [https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1009 Speech at the ASEAN-U.S. Economic Conference, Kuala Lumpur Hilton, 18 November 1981] * What we need today if we are to achieve some semblance of a fair distribution of international wealth is sincerity based on true friendship and a clear understanding of the moral obligations that we all have towards each other. * Our economic policies are based on clear and definite political objectives. If we impose conditions on foreign investors, it is not because we grudge you your profits, but because we have a need to reconcile foreign economic incursions with national aspirations. * The political stability we achieve is, for you, much more worthwhile commercially than the short-term profits you might make. * We do not [[Nationalization|nationalize]], for example. [...] The predictability pertaining to economic policies is our asset. * The ASEAN nations are not intending to compete with the developed countries. Rather they wish to complement. * Malaysia is ruled by [[Conservatism|conservatives]] whose only desire is to develop the country for the benefit of the people. [[Radicalism]] and [[extremism]] has been rejected not only by the Government but also by the people. * We intend to have a firm grip [on inflation] through fiscal and monetary discipline. * I hope that you will take this opportunity to understand this region better and to explore ways and means of establishing better cooperation between American businessmen and financiers with ASEAN's counterparts. ====Speech during Visit to Singapore==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=3 Speech at a Dinner on the Occasion of the Visit to Singapore, 17 December 1981]</small> *An appreciation of differences is as important as the acknowledgement of the common historical and geo-political backgrounds in the fostering of understanding between our two countries. *We can always call up each other, and frankly discuss our mutual problems when they arise. *[[Singapore]]'s success story in the economic and social fields cannot but be a model for Malaysians rather than an object of envy. *What we do within our own country is contributory and complementary towards each other's progress. *The security of the region is the security of Malaysia. *The security apparatus of our two nations continue to cooperate closely against any subversive and criminal elements that could affect our stability even when political leaders are openly squabbling. *We live in a world of instant communication which has spawned instant events, instant interviews and instant comments. *ASEAN has proven to the world to be a viable and cohesive grouping. This credibility has to be sustained. *ASEAN's commitment transcends limited and localised national outlooks, and so renders possible a more daring programme for the future based on a peaceful and stable Southeast Asia. *We do not believe in double standards in the conduct of international relations. *Relations, if it is to be durable, must be based on the mutually accepted norms of equality and respect. There cannot be any compromise on this. *For us to opt for super-power collusion would be submitting ourselves to be pawns in their conflicts and rivalries. *The development of good relationship between our two countries is also a task for the leaders as well as of the people. ===1982=== ====Opening of the 12th ASEAN Economic Ministers Meeting==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=937 Speech at the opening of the 12th ASEAN Economic Ministers Meeting, Kuala Lumpur Hilton, 14 January 1982]</small> *Malaysia’s adherence to the principles of ASEAN cooperation is not altruistic. It is enlightened self-interest. *We cannot prosper alone in a region that is in turmoil and unstable. To prosper we have to have the kind of regional environment that is conducive to economic growth. *ASEAN should inject new ideas in industrial cooperation... the country with the biggest market would enjoy the most benefits even if the product was manufactured by a smaller country. *In industrial complementation, perhaps the private sector should play a more vigorous role. *We are heavily dependent on external services in shipping, and the rising freight charges are an additional burden to the balance of payments of ASEAN countries. *ASEAN as a whole constitutes a major producer of conventional energy such as gas and petroleum. Yet we lack the infrastructure and technology to fully exploit our natural resources. *Despite our disappointment in solving commodity problems, ASEAN should continue to adopt a collective approach and joint efforts in pursuing international economic issues. *ASEAN’s resilience and success serves as a model and shining example to other developing countries on meaningful economic cooperation. ====Opening of the Fourth AIPO General Assembly==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1509 Speech at the opening of the Fourth General Assembly of the ASEAN Inter-Parliamentary Organisation, Parliament House, Kuala Lumpur, 2 February 1982]</small> *We are indeed very happy to have this privilege of hosting the Fourth General Assembly of the ASEAN Inter-Parliamentary Organisation or AIPO. *Despite the various efforts made by us to secure fair terms of trade, we have, we must admit, largely been unsuccessful. *The aspirations of the peoples and Governments of our countries for a New International Economic Order have not only been ignored but their terms of trade continue to be made more inequitable. *We in Southeast Asia have entered an era fraught with unprecedented perils. *The ASEAN Parliament may yet be a forum for the successful coordination of our development and progress. ====Opening of the 5th MAJECA/JAMECA Conference==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=978 Speech at the opening of the 5th Joint Annual Conference of the Malaysia-Japan Economic Association and Japan-Malaysia Economic Association, Kuala Lumpur Hilton, 8 February 1982]</small> *Lately I have been exhorting Malaysians to emulate the Japanese, particularly in work ethics and ethical values. *The West is no longer a suitable model. They have lost their drive. They still want the good life but are not prepared to face the realities of a world market which they can no longer dominate. *When we ask Malaysians to look East, it is not so much your living standard that we are thinking about. That will come... What we are interested in is your work ethics. *It is not just skills we are after, but more importantly, the correct attitude to work, including the sense of belonging, which breeds loyalty. *A prosperous Malaysia will make a better customer and trading partner for [[Japan]]. *It is high time that our businessmen go international and venture to where the markets are, instead of waiting for the markets to come to them. ====Dinner in Honour of Premier Li Jong Ok==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1089 Speech at the dinner in honour of His Excellency Mr. Li Jong Ok, Premier of the Administrative Council of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, Parliament House, Kuala Lumpur, 11 February 1982]</small> *Malaysia has always followed a consistent policy of establishing friendly relations and mutual cooperation with all countries, irrespective of ideology or political systems. *Your Excellency's visit is an important milestone in the development of our bilateral relations. *It is our desire to see the emergence of a coalition government that is truly representative of the people of [[Cambodia|Kampuchea]]. *As non-aligned countries, both the [[North Korea|Democratic People's Republic of Korea]] and Malaysia can play a constructive role in bringing about the peace that we so desire in our respective regions. *Malaysia and the Democratic People's Republic of Korea share similar aspirations... to develop our respective economies and improve the standard of living of our respective peoples. ====Second International Symposium on Savings==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1570 Speech at the Second International Symposium on the Mobilisation of Personal Savings in Developing Countries, Hilton Kuala Lumpur, 15 March 1982]</small> *Our ability to raise adequate domestic savings to finance our development efforts is a necessary precondition, if we are to succeed in re-structuring our economies to cope with the rapid transformation that is taking place in the world economy today. *Despite the talk and widespread publicity on foreign assistance, be they official development aid or foreign direct investment, we have all along been depending on ourselves. *The function of any sound financial system should not only be to intermediate between the savers and the investors, but also to ensure that the less advantaged groups have access to adequate credit at reasonable cost. *The prices of our primary commodities are set by conveniently labelled 'supply and demand forces' located in the industrial countries. *The developing countries must seek ways and means of gaining entree into the market place. They should do so not individually but in cooperation with each other. ====Dinner in Honour of PM Van Agt==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1073 Speech at the dinner in honour of His Excellency Mr. A.A.M. Van Agt, Prime Minister of the Netherlands, Parliament House, Kuala Lumpur, 15 March 1982]</small> *Your Excellency's visit which is the first by a Prime Minister of the Netherlands is indeed an honour for Malaysia. *I have no doubt that your visit will further strengthen the relations and foster greater cooperation between our two countries. *Your support for the aspirations of the developing countries to effect structural changes to the international economic order cannot go without special mention. *Malaysia has of late become disenchanted with what is said to be a free market for commodity trading, particularly tin. *We are urging a producers' association, not in order to jack up prices or to hold the world to ransom, but in order to get fair prices while continuing to stay in the market. *We do hope that actual direct trade with the [[Netherlands]] will increase. *We are happy to see increased interest by [[Dutch people|Dutch]] businessmen in investment opportunities in Malaysia. *We will not nationalise or expropriate in any way. *If your shares or your companies are up for sale then we reserve the right to buy if we think that it is worthwhile. *Malaysia as a member of ASEAN is committed to improve the quality of life of our peoples and to enhance their general well-being. *We have made it clear that we cannot accept military intervention as a means of settling a zonal problem. *We firmly believe that such a solution would pave the way for the realisation of our objective of a Zone of Peace, Freedom and Neutrality in Southeast Asia. *Your visit stimulates not only the common desire to enhance further our bilateral relations but also reinforces the political will and commitment to the search for peace for the benefit of all concerned. *We share identical views on many issues of regional and international importance. ====National Seminar on Productivity==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1289 Speech at the National Seminar on Productivity, Hilton Hotel, Kuala Lumpur, 5 April 1982]</small> *We must face a future where we must stand on our own feet without the benefit of help from other sources. *Productivity means increased output without an equal increase in monetary input. *Work should be enjoyed in the same way that we enjoy playing. *No one is indispensable because everyone is indispensable. *A bored worker is as bad as a bored player. He does not win. A bored worker does not produce. *What we need is a drastic change in attitude on the part of everybody concerned. *The only answer is greater productivity. *Everyone should instill in himself a sense of responsibility both to himself and to his country. *If we can improve our attitudes and regard waste in all its forms as an unforgivable crime directed against ourselves, then we will achieve that high level of productivity so essential to our national development. *Japan’s greatest asset is human resource in the form of disciplined, hard working people. ====1982 Radio Malaysia Election Speech==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=915 Mahathir's 1982 radio address on elections, unity, and governance]</small> *Only a strong Government can champion the cause of the people and bring stability and prosperity to the country. *The National Front is a team. Its strength lies in its team spirit. *We believe that the people who should inherit this country and continue with the struggle to achieve our national aspiration shall be the people who believe and uphold the Rukunegara. ====State Feast in Tonga==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1611 State Feast, Nukuʻalofa, Tonga]</small> *In our interdependent world we have to help and stand by each other. *Today many traditional ways and customs of our forefathers seem to dissipate readily and be discarded. *Stretches of ocean lie between our lands but it is never too far or too difficult for us to keep in touch. ====Commonwealth Science Council Meeting==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=938 12th Meeting of the Commonwealth Science Council, 24 August 1982]</small> * Scientific and technological knowledge like all other forms of knowledge, we believe, increases as you share it with others. * The poor countries need help — not handouts, but a helping hand for their development. * The scientific knowledge and technology of the West cannot be simply imported into the country. It must be properly adjusted and adapted in order to fit into the special needs and requirements of the nation. * We are not about to invent the wheel again, but the application of discoveries and inventions originating elsewhere is part of the exercise in self-reliance. * Only the most primitive of the discarded industries will find a place in the developing world. * Scientific knowledge should be used not merely for material development, but also for the enhancement of the quality of life, and the achievement of peace and harmony. * The community of nations has not yet accepted the principle that the rich should help the poor. * Developing countries are so designated because they are relatively poor. If they are going to be able to buy from the developed countries, they must be helped to attain the financial capacity to do so. ====ASEAN–Japan Symposium==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=979 Speech at the 5th ASEAN–Japan Symposium, 24 August 1982]</small> *ASEAN today is faced with two major problems — one, the instability and uncertainty caused by the situation in Indochina; the second major problem arises out of the current world recession which threatens to retard the industrialisation efforts of the ASEAN countries. *The developed countries have opted for protectionism as a panacea for their ailing industries. If this tendency is not checked, not only would the exports of developing countries be affected but their development and industrialisation efforts would be seriously hampered. *ASEAN would pursue the creation of a Zone of Peace, Freedom and Neutrality in Southeast Asia. The leaders of ASEAN firmly believe that given their freedom from superpower dominance and interference, neighbouring states could successfully set aside their differences to forge a common purpose. *These opportunities were, however, lost when Vietnam intervened militarily and occupied Kampuchea. This she did with the open support of the Soviet Union. *ASEAN's approach to the solution of the Kampuchean problem is aimed at establishing a sovereign, independent and neutral Kampuchea respected and guaranteed by the great powers. *It has long been recognised that the political situation in Southeast Asia, directly or indirectly, impinges on Japan's economic and strategic interests. A prosperous and stable ASEAN is important to the maintenance of peace and stability in the region and therefore merits Japan's support. *Looking East does not mean total Japanization, or a complete break with the West. But it certainly means the almost total dependence on the West will be replaced by a more balanced attitude towards both East and West. *Our ‘Look East’ policy should not just be a one-way traffic. We seek the close cooperation, understanding and assistance not only from the Japanese Government but also from the Japanese public. ====The Presentation and Closing Ceremony of the 27th Asian Film Festival==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1553 Selected quotations from the 27th Asian Film Festival closing speech, 14 September 1982]</small> *Film makers, whether they are producers, directors, script writers, actors and actresses, are endowed with such special qualities that they can contribute in one way or the other towards the happiness of their audience. *They can make the audience happy or they can make them cry. They can make them knowledgeable or they can confuse them absolutely. *Above all they can inculcate positive values so essential to nation building and the development processes. *In the context of developing Malaysia, I see their vast potential in putting across our commitments and reassuring Malaysians of the targets of the nation's strategy in sustaining the growth of a happy and vibrant country as envisaged in our New Economic Policy. *However to be truly profitable local films must be good enough to be shown outside of this country. *Let your success inspire you to greater achievements. ====The Asia Society and the Council of Foreign Relations speech==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1020 Selected quotations from the Asia Society and Council on Foreign Relations speech, 28 September 1982]</small> *The European Economic Community uses economic power to continue political domination. The United States too was drawn into this grouping, thus adding strength to the domination of European countries over their former colonies. *ASEAN is not a strategic concept designed to overawe its neighbours. It was an ad hoc solution to a communications problem between neighbours who were strangers to each other. *Once it was formed, much more was expected of ASEAN than was ever in the minds of the founders. *The five countries of ASEAN are ethnically similar, but historically and politically diverse. *Foreign holdings were forcibly nationalised. But learning from the other ASEAN countries that such was not the route to prosperity, nationalisation was dropped. *All the ASEAN countries are now believers in free trade and free enterprise. Foreign capital is welcome by all. *ASEAN has brought prosperity and stability. Although it is not a military grouping, it can coordinate its policies to deter the kind of adventures that countries standing alone and economically troubled attract. ====The 37th Session of the United Nations General Assembly speech==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=964 Selected quotations from the 37th United Nations General Assembly speech, 29 September 1982]</small> *Might is now the only thing that is right. Weak countries like [[Afghanistan]], Kampuchea and [[Lebanon]] are trodden over by the boots of invading armies as the rest of the world stood by. *The credibility of the [[United Nations]] is at stake. The United Nations must regain its credibility. *The foreign military invasion and continued occupation of Kampuchea is a crime against the Kampuchean people and a threat to regional peace and security. *Nobody, not even a people who had suffered as much as the Jews had, have the right to inflict upon others the horrors of Sabra and Shatila. *[[Israel]] is a bully. If it is any bigger or stronger the world will not be safe. *Those weapons are for nothing less than murder. *To the developing nations, the continuance of the Afghan nationalist struggle is crucial. *Apartheid... is a travesty of justice and is an affront to human dignity. *Our patience and sense of fair-play is being taxed to the limit with the market manipulations abroad which in effect reduce our people to underpaid labourers. *The various exchanges located in the developed countries literally manipulate prices in order to make a profit for the brokers, the dealers, the speculators and others. *It is a case of heads you win, tails I lose. *The stockpile is merely a rich nation’s monopolistic weapon used to depress prices of commodities for the benefit of the consumers. *This world-wide depression is man-made. It is made in the powerful countries by short-sighted people. *There will be violence, riots and revolutions. Governments will fall and anarchy will prevail. *The world has suffered enough from this depression. We need action now. *The uninhabited lands of Antarctica... do not legally belong to the discoverers as much as the colonial territories do not belong to the colonial powers. *Historical episodes are not facts that can substantiate claims. *Israel continues to propagate the myth of the non-existence of the Palestinian people. ====Statement on Regional Economic and Functional Co-operation (CHOGRM III)==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=924 Selected quotations from Mahathir's CHOGRM III speech, Suva, Fiji, 18 October 1982]</small> *We in Malaysia too see the need for the injection of greater assistance to the South Pacific island countries so as to enable them to build up their national resilience and independence. *The Commonwealth is now on test. If the Commonwealth countries in our region cannot actualise economic and functional cooperation, the prestige of the Commonwealth itself will go down. *Some industrially developed nations really feel free to scour and devour the developing nations by their exploitative methods and practices. *They seem incapable of realizing that such libertine activities would only lead to the destruction of the free enterprise system itself. *Our advice to these countries should be that they talk less of their generosity to provide assistance to the poor nations and instead undertake a thorough soul-searching examination. ====State Dinner with Prime Minister Michael Somare of Papua New Guinea==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=17 Papua New Guinea Dinner Speech, 19 October 1982]</small> *The Government of Malaysia fully subscribes to the concept of economic and technical cooperation among developing countries. Malaysians are ready to participate in practical economic and technical programmes with [[Papua New Guinea]]. We are your 'wantoks'. *The spinoffs of better understanding and goodwill from increased contact and cooperation between our peoples will surely strengthen our friendship. *Malaysia is extremely unhappy at the manipulation of commodity prices by the various exchanges located in the developed countries. Scant regard is paid to the producers. To ensure reasonable prices, such an unhealthy system has to be dismantled. ====Opening of the ASEAN Law Association General Assembly==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1463 ASEAN Law Association Speech (26 Oct 1982)]</small> *I believe in the supremacy of the Constitution. The Malaysian Government will faithfully do its duty as guaranteed to minorities, rights guaranteed to the citizen and in some cases to the non-citizen also. The Constitution is not infallible, having been drafted by mere man. Hence the Constitution also provides for its amendment no doubt to make it compatible with changing times. But the conditions for amendments are such that the Constitution cannot be trifled with at will. *No man is above the law, not even those in power. Those in power are in fact trustees and their duty is to promote the public good, not self-enrichment. *During your deliberations it is only proper that as professionals you focus on legal justice. But I would like to point out that apart from legal justice, there are other kinds of justice which are also desirable that we should achieve, and that is economic and social justice. The former [[President of the United States]], Mr. [[Jimmy Carter|Carter]] in a speech to American lawyers said that in the [[United States]] there are many judges and many lawyers but not enough justice. He was referring to legal justice. As head of the Government I am acutely aware of the need to provide the broader kind of justice that I mentioned. *Each of these systems is designed to regulate in a fair manner the relations of man, the relations between man and the State; and prescribes a just way of resolving disputes among them. But each system follows different paths. Your deliberations should over a period of time produce a synthesis of laws for the benefit of the whole of ASEAN. ====Official Dinner Speech in Bangkok with Thai Prime Minister Prem Tinsulanonda==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1334 Mahathir–Prem Official Dinner, Bangkok (8 December 1982)]</small> *As close neighbours, common sense dictates that in our relations with each other there can be no alternative to mutual trust and the willingness to work together in facing our common problems. Indeed, our two countries are also brought together because of our affinity for each other and the many common perceptions we share. *The corner-stone of Malaysia's foreign policy vis-a-vis [[Thailand]] is, and will always be, one of good neighbourliness through mutual assistance and cooperation. *These are troubled times: not only have we to contend with a major world-wide economic recession, but also serious challenges to the peace and stability of our region. It is, therefore, all the more imperative that we continue working together both bilaterally and within the context of ASEAN. *Malaysia will work closely with Thailand for the preservation of peace and stability in the region. *It is through this ASEAN spirit and our commitment to the objectives of ASEAN that today we have in our region an association of nations that we can be justly proud of, for the simple reason that it works. *The motive-force for the success of ASEAN lies in our firm belief in peace and in working together for the prosperity of all in the region. *[[Vietnam]]'s military intervention and continued occupation of Kampuchea represents not only a direct interference in the internal affairs of the country, but a threat to the peace and stability of the whole region. The establishment of the Coalition Government of Democratic Kampuchea headed by His Highness Prince [[Norodom Sihanouk]] is a positive development. ====Official Dinner Speech Honouring French Prime Minister Pierre Mauroy==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1365 Mahathir–Pierre Mauroy Official Dinner, Kuala Lumpur (13 December 1982)]</small> *Your visit to Malaysia, Excellency, is the first ever by a Prime Minister of France. I am confident that your visit will contribute to the strengthening of the existing close ties of friendship and cooperation between our two countries. *While France may not be among Malaysia's major trading partners, she has participated in and contributed to our economic development in the past and continues to do so presently. *In adopting a 'Look East' policy in order to balance foreign influences on our national development, we are not turning our backs on the West completely. The West remains an important partner in our development efforts and French expertise, technology and investment are always welcome. *France... has of late introduced a ruling requiring that all customs import-documents be prepared in French. This is certainly an impediment to a freer flow of trade and constitutes another form of non-tariff barrier. *Imagine the consternation among French exporters if Malaysia were to insist that they must use Bahasa Malaysia in all their documentation. *Trade missions coming to sell goods here should bring along investors as well. We need investment in new projects to support our industrialisation programme. *What we would like to see is an offset programme whereby purchases and contracts are linked with economic reciprocity of one kind or another. *To achieve this objective of regional peace and stability, Malaysia, together with her partners in ASEAN, declared their resolve to make Southeast Asia a Zone of Peace, Freedom and Neutrality (ZOPFAN). *Our relations with countries of the region and beyond are based on the principles of respect for one another's independence, sovereignty and territorial integrity, non-interference in each other's internal affairs and non-use of force or threat of use of force. *The protraction of the situation in Kampuchea continues to pose a serious threat to regional peace and stability besides encouraging outside involvement and interference in the region. The formation of the Coalition Government of Democratic Kampuchea under the Presidency of His Highness Prince Norodom Sihanouk is a welcome development towards achieving such a negotiated political settlement of the Kampuchean issue. *Towards this end, we would urge that France, a country which has historical links with countries in this region, to contribute positively to the political solution of the Kampuchean issue. ===1983=== ====Official dinner in honour of the Rt. Hon. [[Pierre Trudeau|Pierre Elliott Trudeau]], Prime Minister of Canada==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=52 Official dinner in honour of Canadian Prime Minister Pierre Elliott Trudeau, 10 January 1983]</small> *Change and development are integral to any society and nation. The problem that confronts societies and nations, however, is that not all developments are for the better. *Malaysia, within this context, welcomes [[Canada|Canadian]] participation in our current national development endeavours, as outlined in the Fourth Malaysia Plan. *Canada-ASEAN relations can become the model of cooperation between a developed country and a group of developing countries, based on partnership on equal terms and common interest. *[[International law]] and order has truly broken down, giving rise to a situation where might and right is almost synonymous. *What is needed is the full backing of the powerful nations. They must revitalise the Organisation which they had created. *We are quite sure that the prices of all manufactured products that developing countries have to buy will continue to rise even when fuel prices go down. *For Malaysia and other developing countries it is a case of 'heads I lose, tails you win' all the time. *Killing OPEC is likely to result in more [[Mexico|Mexicos]], rather than economic recovery. *The Kampuchea issue, if not resolved peacefully and promptly, will also become a threat to world peace and security as continued foreign occupation of Kampuchea has brought in its wake big power rivalry and involvement. *Malaysia welcomes the setting up of the Coalition Government of Democratic Kampuchea under the Presidency of His Highness Prince Sihanouk as a positive step towards the peaceful resolution of the Kampuchea issue. *We look forward to a world characterised by sincere and constructive partnership and cooperation between the developed and more fortunate countries and the developing and less fortunate ones for their mutual benefit. ===1984=== ====Speech at United States==== <small>[https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/remarks-the-president-and-prime-minister-mahathir-bin-mohamad-malaysia-following-their Remarks of the President and Prime Minister Mahathir bin Mohamad of Malaysia Following Their Meetings]</small> *If you were to ask me what is it I would want the United States to do with regard to economic policy, my honest and simple response is for the U.S. economy to get ahead and regain its strength, for the healthier and more vibrant the U.S. economy becomes, the better it will be, not only for the United States and Malaysia but all the developing countries in the world. *We do not expect handouts in our search for a better tomorrow. What we look for are new areas of cooperation and collaboration, particularly in the area of economy and trade interchange to help us in the realization of our aspirations to be a more self-relying and progressive nation. *Where we differ in respect to perception or policy, I'm gratified to note that there is a willingness on the part of the United States to achieve closer understanding and cooperation. *We pledge to continue this friendly and cooperative relationship for mutual benefits. ===2000–present=== * It's quite obvious that when the {{w|Eastern bloc}} was still there, it was a bustle between [[capitalism]] and [[communism]]. Once {{w|Revolutions of 1989|communism was defeated}}, then capitalism could [[Globalization|expand]] and [[Neoliberalism|show its true self]]. It's no longer constrained by the need to be nice, so that people will choose their so-called free-market system as opposed to the centrally planned system. So because of that, nowadays there is nothing to restrain capital, and capital is demanding that it should be able to go anywhere and do whatever it likes. ** [https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/commandingheights/shared/minitext/int_mahathirbinmohamad.html "Commanding Heights"] interview with PBS (2 July 2001). * Clearly Islam the religion is not the cause of [[terrorism]]. Islam, as I said, is a [[religion of peace]]. However through the centuries, deviations from the true teachings of Islam take place. And so [people who call themselves] "Muslims" kill despite the injunction of their religion against killing especially of innocent people. ** Speech <!-- to the UN General Assembly --> in New York City {{cite web |url=http://asiasociety.org/islam-terrorism-and-malaysias-response?page=0,1 |title=Islam, Terrorism, and Malaysia's Response (page 2) |website=Asia Society |date=4 February 2002}} * History should remember Blair and Bush as the killers of children or as the lying prime minister and president. ** [[w:Kuala Lumpur Summit|Perdana conference]], Kuala Lumpur, cited in {{cite news|url=https://www.irishexaminer.com/world/arid-30296556.html|title=Malaysian ex-PM: Blair and Bush are 'evil murderers'|newspaper=Irish Examiner|date=5 October 2007}} * We need an opposition to remind us if we are making mistakes. When you are not opposed you think everything you do is right. ** [http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2005/12/11/nation/12838957&sec=nation ''The Star''] (Malaysian publication, December 2005). * I believe that the country should have a strong government but not too strong. A two-thirds majority like I enjoyed when I was prime minister is sufficient but a 90% majority is too strong. ** December 2005, on his successor [[Abdullah Ahmad Badawi]]'s Parliamentary majority of 92%. [http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2005/12/11/nation/12838957&sec=nation] *I believe that if that bastard leaves, we then won't be bastardised. **in reference to Prime Minister [[Najib Razak]] during [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFd_fCF5CdM a speech at Pasir Gudang] on 29 August 2015. Previously, Najib Razak had warned that Malaysian Malays would be "bastardised" were [[w:UMNO|UMNO]] to lose power in the government, raising controversy by using a swear word (Malay "bangsat", loosely translated as "anus") in his speech. * To be a great leader, one needs to have good strategies, be knowledgeable and able to predict the future. [http://www.malaysiakini.com/news/110479 "Dr M on what makes a great leader"] malaysiakini (13 August 2009) *We call upon all Malaysians, irrespective of race, religion, political situation, creed or parties, young and old, to join us in saving Malaysia from the government headed by Najib Razak. We must rid ourselves of Najib as prime minister. If he’s allowed to go on, the damage will be worse and worse. **Mahathir's move to oust Prime Minister Najib Razak, quote above read from a joint statement endorsed by prominent members from the ruling party, opposition, and civil society groups, quoted on ''Channel News Asia'', [http://www.channelnewsasia.com/news/asiapacific/dr-mahathir-movement-will/2575782.html "Dr Mahathir movement will be bad for country: Malaysia Foreign Affairs Minister"] (5 March 2016). ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} {{commons category|Mahathir Mohamad|Mahathir bin Mohamad}} [[Category:1925 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Prime Ministers of Malaysia]] [[Category:Muslims]] [[Category:Antisemites]] pg9c3fntobx0h9jsjyp4j51f072lzei 3778541 3778482 2025-07-14T12:41:56Z 2001:D08:E6:D35B:F1C9:BD8D:3173:8E81 3778541 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:PM Mahathir Mohamad gives press statement in Jakarta 2018-06-29.jpg|210px|thumb|Mahathir Mohamad in 2018]] '''[[w:Mahathir Mohamad|Mahathir Mohamad]]''' (born [[10 July]] [[1925]]) is a [[Malaysia|Malaysian]] politician who was the country's Prime Minister from 1981 to 2003 and 2018 to 2020. == Quotes == ===1981=== ====Opening of the ASEAN Travel Forum==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1427 Speech at the opening of the ASEAN Travel Forum, Genting Highlands, 20 October 1981]</small> *The coming together of ASEAN countries for the purpose of creating greater business opportunities for those involved in the tourist industry once again demonstrates ASEAN's determination to foster closer cooperation among member countries. *ASEAN firmly believes in regional cooperation as a means to achieve greater prosperity and stability for our region. *We have the potential to develop a wide variety of attractions within our region and these can indeed be promoted among our own people as well as among international visitors. *Let us put our heads together to evolve ways and means to develop the tourist industry in the ASEAN region. ====Third International Conference of Non-Governmental Organisations on Dadah Use Prevention and Control==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1621 Speech at the Third International Conference of Non-Governmental Organisations on Dadah Use Prevention and Control, Kuala Lumpur, 2 November 1981]</small> *Malaysia, like many other countries, is fully aware of the seriousness and complexity of the global problems of dadah use and substance abuse, and we fully endorse all international efforts, be it governmental or non-governmental, directed towards the eradication of this social menace. *The dadah problem in a sinister way is very democratic in that it does not discriminate against religion, racial descent, or socio-economic background of a person. *Malaysia comprehends the magnitude of the dadah problem. We have accordingly designated it as a security problem. *Insights, understanding and concepts are meaningless and empty unless bold action is taken to ensure results. *For us in Malaysia, the dadah problem is still our number one enemy. As a security problem, it will be given priority. *We cannot allow the expression "everybody’s responsibility is no one’s concern" to be true of dadah prevention. *Dadah is one enemy that we cannot say, "If we cannot fight its abuse, we can join in the abuse." *The obvious answer to the problem is to move on a broad front, to tackle both the underlying and the related dadah problem together. *ASEAN countries, who are both the source and the bearer of the brunt of the international dadah problem, merit greater attention of the world community. *In short, for the sake of future generations, we all have to respond actively, positively and urgently to overcome the dadah problem. ==== Speech at the ASEAN-U.S. Economic Conference ==== [https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1009 Speech at the ASEAN-U.S. Economic Conference, Kuala Lumpur Hilton, 18 November 1981] * What we need today if we are to achieve some semblance of a fair distribution of international wealth is sincerity based on true friendship and a clear understanding of the moral obligations that we all have towards each other. * Our economic policies are based on clear and definite political objectives. If we impose conditions on foreign investors, it is not because we grudge you your profits, but because we have a need to reconcile foreign economic incursions with national aspirations. * The political stability we achieve is, for you, much more worthwhile commercially than the short-term profits you might make. * We do not [[Nationalization|nationalize]], for example. [...] The predictability pertaining to economic policies is our asset. * The ASEAN nations are not intending to compete with the developed countries. Rather they wish to complement. * Malaysia is ruled by [[Conservatism|conservatives]] whose only desire is to develop the country for the benefit of the people. [[Radicalism]] and [[extremism]] has been rejected not only by the Government but also by the people. * We intend to have a firm grip [on inflation] through fiscal and monetary discipline. * I hope that you will take this opportunity to understand this region better and to explore ways and means of establishing better cooperation between American businessmen and financiers with ASEAN's counterparts. ====Speech during Visit to Singapore==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=3 Speech at a Dinner on the Occasion of the Visit to Singapore, 17 December 1981]</small> *An appreciation of differences is as important as the acknowledgement of the common historical and geo-political backgrounds in the fostering of understanding between our two countries. *We can always call up each other, and frankly discuss our mutual problems when they arise. *[[Singapore]]'s success story in the economic and social fields cannot but be a model for Malaysians rather than an object of envy. *What we do within our own country is contributory and complementary towards each other's progress. *The security of the region is the security of Malaysia. *The security apparatus of our two nations continue to cooperate closely against any subversive and criminal elements that could affect our stability even when political leaders are openly squabbling. *We live in a world of instant communication which has spawned instant events, instant interviews and instant comments. *ASEAN has proven to the world to be a viable and cohesive grouping. This credibility has to be sustained. *ASEAN's commitment transcends limited and localised national outlooks, and so renders possible a more daring programme for the future based on a peaceful and stable Southeast Asia. *We do not believe in double standards in the conduct of international relations. *Relations, if it is to be durable, must be based on the mutually accepted norms of equality and respect. There cannot be any compromise on this. *For us to opt for super-power collusion would be submitting ourselves to be pawns in their conflicts and rivalries. *The development of good relationship between our two countries is also a task for the leaders as well as of the people. ===1982=== ====Opening of the 12th ASEAN Economic Ministers Meeting==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=937 Speech at the opening of the 12th ASEAN Economic Ministers Meeting, Kuala Lumpur Hilton, 14 January 1982]</small> *Malaysia’s adherence to the principles of ASEAN cooperation is not altruistic. It is enlightened self-interest. *We cannot prosper alone in a region that is in turmoil and unstable. To prosper we have to have the kind of regional environment that is conducive to economic growth. *ASEAN should inject new ideas in industrial cooperation... the country with the biggest market would enjoy the most benefits even if the product was manufactured by a smaller country. *In industrial complementation, perhaps the private sector should play a more vigorous role. *We are heavily dependent on external services in shipping, and the rising freight charges are an additional burden to the balance of payments of ASEAN countries. *ASEAN as a whole constitutes a major producer of conventional energy such as gas and petroleum. Yet we lack the infrastructure and technology to fully exploit our natural resources. *Despite our disappointment in solving commodity problems, ASEAN should continue to adopt a collective approach and joint efforts in pursuing international economic issues. *ASEAN’s resilience and success serves as a model and shining example to other developing countries on meaningful economic cooperation. ====Opening of the Fourth AIPO General Assembly==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1509 Speech at the opening of the Fourth General Assembly of the ASEAN Inter-Parliamentary Organisation, Parliament House, Kuala Lumpur, 2 February 1982]</small> *We are indeed very happy to have this privilege of hosting the Fourth General Assembly of the ASEAN Inter-Parliamentary Organisation or AIPO. *Despite the various efforts made by us to secure fair terms of trade, we have, we must admit, largely been unsuccessful. *The aspirations of the peoples and Governments of our countries for a New International Economic Order have not only been ignored but their terms of trade continue to be made more inequitable. *We in Southeast Asia have entered an era fraught with unprecedented perils. *The ASEAN Parliament may yet be a forum for the successful coordination of our development and progress. ====Opening of the 5th MAJECA/JAMECA Conference==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=978 Speech at the opening of the 5th Joint Annual Conference of the Malaysia-Japan Economic Association and Japan-Malaysia Economic Association, Kuala Lumpur Hilton, 8 February 1982]</small> *Lately I have been exhorting Malaysians to emulate the Japanese, particularly in work ethics and ethical values. *The West is no longer a suitable model. They have lost their drive. They still want the good life but are not prepared to face the realities of a world market which they can no longer dominate. *When we ask Malaysians to look East, it is not so much your living standard that we are thinking about. That will come... What we are interested in is your work ethics. *It is not just skills we are after, but more importantly, the correct attitude to work, including the sense of belonging, which breeds loyalty. *A prosperous Malaysia will make a better customer and trading partner for [[Japan]]. *It is high time that our businessmen go international and venture to where the markets are, instead of waiting for the markets to come to them. ====Dinner in Honour of Premier Li Jong Ok==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1089 Speech at the dinner in honour of His Excellency Mr. Li Jong Ok, Premier of the Administrative Council of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, Parliament House, Kuala Lumpur, 11 February 1982]</small> *Malaysia has always followed a consistent policy of establishing friendly relations and mutual cooperation with all countries, irrespective of ideology or political systems. *Your Excellency's visit is an important milestone in the development of our bilateral relations. *It is our desire to see the emergence of a coalition government that is truly representative of the people of [[Cambodia|Kampuchea]]. *As non-aligned countries, both the [[North Korea|Democratic People's Republic of Korea]] and Malaysia can play a constructive role in bringing about the peace that we so desire in our respective regions. *Malaysia and the Democratic People's Republic of Korea share similar aspirations... to develop our respective economies and improve the standard of living of our respective peoples. ====Second International Symposium on Savings==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1570 Speech at the Second International Symposium on the Mobilisation of Personal Savings in Developing Countries, Hilton Kuala Lumpur, 15 March 1982]</small> *Our ability to raise adequate domestic savings to finance our development efforts is a necessary precondition, if we are to succeed in re-structuring our economies to cope with the rapid transformation that is taking place in the world economy today. *Despite the talk and widespread publicity on foreign assistance, be they official development aid or foreign direct investment, we have all along been depending on ourselves. *The function of any sound financial system should not only be to intermediate between the savers and the investors, but also to ensure that the less advantaged groups have access to adequate credit at reasonable cost. *The prices of our primary commodities are set by conveniently labelled 'supply and demand forces' located in the industrial countries. *The developing countries must seek ways and means of gaining entree into the market place. They should do so not individually but in cooperation with each other. ====Dinner in Honour of PM Van Agt==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1073 Speech at the dinner in honour of His Excellency Mr. A.A.M. Van Agt, Prime Minister of the Netherlands, Parliament House, Kuala Lumpur, 15 March 1982]</small> *Your Excellency's visit which is the first by a Prime Minister of the Netherlands is indeed an honour for Malaysia. *I have no doubt that your visit will further strengthen the relations and foster greater cooperation between our two countries. *Your support for the aspirations of the developing countries to effect structural changes to the international economic order cannot go without special mention. *Malaysia has of late become disenchanted with what is said to be a free market for commodity trading, particularly tin. *We are urging a producers' association, not in order to jack up prices or to hold the world to ransom, but in order to get fair prices while continuing to stay in the market. *We do hope that actual direct trade with the [[Netherlands]] will increase. *We are happy to see increased interest by [[Dutch people|Dutch]] businessmen in investment opportunities in Malaysia. *We will not nationalise or expropriate in any way. *If your shares or your companies are up for sale then we reserve the right to buy if we think that it is worthwhile. *Malaysia as a member of ASEAN is committed to improve the quality of life of our peoples and to enhance their general well-being. *We have made it clear that we cannot accept military intervention as a means of settling a zonal problem. *We firmly believe that such a solution would pave the way for the realisation of our objective of a Zone of Peace, Freedom and Neutrality in Southeast Asia. *Your visit stimulates not only the common desire to enhance further our bilateral relations but also reinforces the political will and commitment to the search for peace for the benefit of all concerned. *We share identical views on many issues of regional and international importance. ====National Seminar on Productivity==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1289 Speech at the National Seminar on Productivity, Hilton Hotel, Kuala Lumpur, 5 April 1982]</small> *We must face a future where we must stand on our own feet without the benefit of help from other sources. *Productivity means increased output without an equal increase in monetary input. *Work should be enjoyed in the same way that we enjoy playing. *No one is indispensable because everyone is indispensable. *A bored worker is as bad as a bored player. He does not win. A bored worker does not produce. *What we need is a drastic change in attitude on the part of everybody concerned. *The only answer is greater productivity. *Everyone should instill in himself a sense of responsibility both to himself and to his country. *If we can improve our attitudes and regard waste in all its forms as an unforgivable crime directed against ourselves, then we will achieve that high level of productivity so essential to our national development. *Japan’s greatest asset is human resource in the form of disciplined, hard working people. ====1982 Radio Malaysia Election Speech==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=915 Mahathir's 1982 radio address on elections, unity, and governance]</small> *Only a strong Government can champion the cause of the people and bring stability and prosperity to the country. *The National Front is a team. Its strength lies in its team spirit. *We believe that the people who should inherit this country and continue with the struggle to achieve our national aspiration shall be the people who believe and uphold the Rukunegara. ====State Feast in Tonga==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1611 State Feast, Nukuʻalofa, Tonga]</small> *In our interdependent world we have to help and stand by each other. *Today many traditional ways and customs of our forefathers seem to dissipate readily and be discarded. *Stretches of ocean lie between our lands but it is never too far or too difficult for us to keep in touch. ====Commonwealth Science Council Meeting==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=938 12th Meeting of the Commonwealth Science Council, 24 August 1982]</small> * Scientific and technological knowledge like all other forms of knowledge, we believe, increases as you share it with others. * The poor countries need help — not handouts, but a helping hand for their development. * The scientific knowledge and technology of the West cannot be simply imported into the country. It must be properly adjusted and adapted in order to fit into the special needs and requirements of the nation. * We are not about to invent the wheel again, but the application of discoveries and inventions originating elsewhere is part of the exercise in self-reliance. * Only the most primitive of the discarded industries will find a place in the developing world. * Scientific knowledge should be used not merely for material development, but also for the enhancement of the quality of life, and the achievement of peace and harmony. * The community of nations has not yet accepted the principle that the rich should help the poor. * Developing countries are so designated because they are relatively poor. If they are going to be able to buy from the developed countries, they must be helped to attain the financial capacity to do so. ====ASEAN–Japan Symposium==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=979 Speech at the 5th ASEAN–Japan Symposium, 24 August 1982]</small> *ASEAN today is faced with two major problems — one, the instability and uncertainty caused by the situation in Indochina; the second major problem arises out of the current world recession which threatens to retard the industrialisation efforts of the ASEAN countries. *The developed countries have opted for protectionism as a panacea for their ailing industries. If this tendency is not checked, not only would the exports of developing countries be affected but their development and industrialisation efforts would be seriously hampered. *ASEAN would pursue the creation of a Zone of Peace, Freedom and Neutrality in Southeast Asia. The leaders of ASEAN firmly believe that given their freedom from superpower dominance and interference, neighbouring states could successfully set aside their differences to forge a common purpose. *These opportunities were, however, lost when Vietnam intervened militarily and occupied Kampuchea. This she did with the open support of the Soviet Union. *ASEAN's approach to the solution of the Kampuchean problem is aimed at establishing a sovereign, independent and neutral Kampuchea respected and guaranteed by the great powers. *It has long been recognised that the political situation in Southeast Asia, directly or indirectly, impinges on Japan's economic and strategic interests. A prosperous and stable ASEAN is important to the maintenance of peace and stability in the region and therefore merits Japan's support. *Looking East does not mean total Japanization, or a complete break with the West. But it certainly means the almost total dependence on the West will be replaced by a more balanced attitude towards both East and West. *Our ‘Look East’ policy should not just be a one-way traffic. We seek the close cooperation, understanding and assistance not only from the Japanese Government but also from the Japanese public. ====The Presentation and Closing Ceremony of the 27th Asian Film Festival==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1553 Selected quotations from the 27th Asian Film Festival closing speech, 14 September 1982]</small> *Film makers, whether they are producers, directors, script writers, actors and actresses, are endowed with such special qualities that they can contribute in one way or the other towards the happiness of their audience. *They can make the audience happy or they can make them cry. They can make them knowledgeable or they can confuse them absolutely. *Above all they can inculcate positive values so essential to nation building and the development processes. *In the context of developing Malaysia, I see their vast potential in putting across our commitments and reassuring Malaysians of the targets of the nation's strategy in sustaining the growth of a happy and vibrant country as envisaged in our New Economic Policy. *However to be truly profitable local films must be good enough to be shown outside of this country. *Let your success inspire you to greater achievements. ====The Asia Society and the Council of Foreign Relations speech==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1020 Selected quotations from the Asia Society and Council on Foreign Relations speech, 28 September 1982]</small> *The European Economic Community uses economic power to continue political domination. The United States too was drawn into this grouping, thus adding strength to the domination of European countries over their former colonies. *ASEAN is not a strategic concept designed to overawe its neighbours. It was an ad hoc solution to a communications problem between neighbours who were strangers to each other. *Once it was formed, much more was expected of ASEAN than was ever in the minds of the founders. *The five countries of ASEAN are ethnically similar, but historically and politically diverse. *Foreign holdings were forcibly nationalised. But learning from the other ASEAN countries that such was not the route to prosperity, nationalisation was dropped. *All the ASEAN countries are now believers in free trade and free enterprise. Foreign capital is welcome by all. *ASEAN has brought prosperity and stability. Although it is not a military grouping, it can coordinate its policies to deter the kind of adventures that countries standing alone and economically troubled attract. ====The 37th Session of the United Nations General Assembly speech==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=964 Selected quotations from the 37th United Nations General Assembly speech, 29 September 1982]</small> *Might is now the only thing that is right. Weak countries like [[Afghanistan]], Kampuchea and [[Lebanon]] are trodden over by the boots of invading armies as the rest of the world stood by. *The credibility of the [[United Nations]] is at stake. The United Nations must regain its credibility. *The foreign military invasion and continued occupation of Kampuchea is a crime against the Kampuchean people and a threat to regional peace and security. *Nobody, not even a people who had suffered as much as the Jews had, have the right to inflict upon others the horrors of Sabra and Shatila. *[[Israel]] is a bully. If it is any bigger or stronger the world will not be safe. *Those weapons are for nothing less than murder. *To the developing nations, the continuance of the Afghan nationalist struggle is crucial. *Apartheid... is a travesty of justice and is an affront to human dignity. *Our patience and sense of fair-play is being taxed to the limit with the market manipulations abroad which in effect reduce our people to underpaid labourers. *The various exchanges located in the developed countries literally manipulate prices in order to make a profit for the brokers, the dealers, the speculators and others. *It is a case of heads you win, tails I lose. *The stockpile is merely a rich nation’s monopolistic weapon used to depress prices of commodities for the benefit of the consumers. *This world-wide depression is man-made. It is made in the powerful countries by short-sighted people. *There will be violence, riots and revolutions. Governments will fall and anarchy will prevail. *The world has suffered enough from this depression. We need action now. *The uninhabited lands of Antarctica... do not legally belong to the discoverers as much as the colonial territories do not belong to the colonial powers. *Historical episodes are not facts that can substantiate claims. *Israel continues to propagate the myth of the non-existence of the Palestinian people. ====Statement on Regional Economic and Functional Co-operation (CHOGRM III)==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=924 Selected quotations from Mahathir's CHOGRM III speech, Suva, Fiji, 18 October 1982]</small> *We in Malaysia too see the need for the injection of greater assistance to the South Pacific island countries so as to enable them to build up their national resilience and independence. *The Commonwealth is now on test. If the Commonwealth countries in our region cannot actualise economic and functional cooperation, the prestige of the Commonwealth itself will go down. *Some industrially developed nations really feel free to scour and devour the developing nations by their exploitative methods and practices. *They seem incapable of realizing that such libertine activities would only lead to the destruction of the free enterprise system itself. *Our advice to these countries should be that they talk less of their generosity to provide assistance to the poor nations and instead undertake a thorough soul-searching examination. ====State Dinner with Prime Minister Michael Somare of Papua New Guinea==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=17 Papua New Guinea Dinner Speech, 19 October 1982]</small> *The Government of Malaysia fully subscribes to the concept of economic and technical cooperation among developing countries. Malaysians are ready to participate in practical economic and technical programmes with [[Papua New Guinea]]. We are your 'wantoks'. *The spinoffs of better understanding and goodwill from increased contact and cooperation between our peoples will surely strengthen our friendship. *Malaysia is extremely unhappy at the manipulation of commodity prices by the various exchanges located in the developed countries. Scant regard is paid to the producers. To ensure reasonable prices, such an unhealthy system has to be dismantled. ====Opening of the ASEAN Law Association General Assembly==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1463 ASEAN Law Association Speech (26 Oct 1982)]</small> *I believe in the supremacy of the Constitution. The Malaysian Government will faithfully do its duty as guaranteed to minorities, rights guaranteed to the citizen and in some cases to the non-citizen also. The Constitution is not infallible, having been drafted by mere man. Hence the Constitution also provides for its amendment no doubt to make it compatible with changing times. But the conditions for amendments are such that the Constitution cannot be trifled with at will. *No man is above the law, not even those in power. Those in power are in fact trustees and their duty is to promote the public good, not self-enrichment. *During your deliberations it is only proper that as professionals you focus on legal justice. But I would like to point out that apart from legal justice, there are other kinds of justice which are also desirable that we should achieve, and that is economic and social justice. The former [[President of the United States]], Mr. [[Jimmy Carter|Carter]] in a speech to American lawyers said that in the [[United States]] there are many judges and many lawyers but not enough justice. He was referring to legal justice. As head of the Government I am acutely aware of the need to provide the broader kind of justice that I mentioned. *Each of these systems is designed to regulate in a fair manner the relations of man, the relations between man and the State; and prescribes a just way of resolving disputes among them. But each system follows different paths. Your deliberations should over a period of time produce a synthesis of laws for the benefit of the whole of ASEAN. ====Official Dinner Speech in Bangkok with Thai Prime Minister Prem Tinsulanonda==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1334 Mahathir–Prem Official Dinner, Bangkok (8 December 1982)]</small> *As close neighbours, common sense dictates that in our relations with each other there can be no alternative to mutual trust and the willingness to work together in facing our common problems. Indeed, our two countries are also brought together because of our affinity for each other and the many common perceptions we share. *The corner-stone of Malaysia's foreign policy vis-a-vis [[Thailand]] is, and will always be, one of good neighbourliness through mutual assistance and cooperation. *These are troubled times: not only have we to contend with a major world-wide economic recession, but also serious challenges to the peace and stability of our region. It is, therefore, all the more imperative that we continue working together both bilaterally and within the context of ASEAN. *Malaysia will work closely with Thailand for the preservation of peace and stability in the region. *It is through this ASEAN spirit and our commitment to the objectives of ASEAN that today we have in our region an association of nations that we can be justly proud of, for the simple reason that it works. *The motive-force for the success of ASEAN lies in our firm belief in peace and in working together for the prosperity of all in the region. *[[Vietnam]]'s military intervention and continued occupation of Kampuchea represents not only a direct interference in the internal affairs of the country, but a threat to the peace and stability of the whole region. The establishment of the Coalition Government of Democratic Kampuchea headed by His Highness Prince [[Norodom Sihanouk]] is a positive development. ====Official Dinner Speech Honouring French Prime Minister Pierre Mauroy==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1365 Mahathir–Pierre Mauroy Official Dinner, Kuala Lumpur (13 December 1982)]</small> *Your visit to Malaysia, Excellency, is the first ever by a Prime Minister of France. I am confident that your visit will contribute to the strengthening of the existing close ties of friendship and cooperation between our two countries. *While France may not be among Malaysia's major trading partners, she has participated in and contributed to our economic development in the past and continues to do so presently. *In adopting a 'Look East' policy in order to balance foreign influences on our national development, we are not turning our backs on the West completely. The West remains an important partner in our development efforts and French expertise, technology and investment are always welcome. *France... has of late introduced a ruling requiring that all customs import-documents be prepared in French. This is certainly an impediment to a freer flow of trade and constitutes another form of non-tariff barrier. *Imagine the consternation among French exporters if Malaysia were to insist that they must use Bahasa Malaysia in all their documentation. *Trade missions coming to sell goods here should bring along investors as well. We need investment in new projects to support our industrialisation programme. *What we would like to see is an offset programme whereby purchases and contracts are linked with economic reciprocity of one kind or another. *To achieve this objective of regional peace and stability, Malaysia, together with her partners in ASEAN, declared their resolve to make Southeast Asia a Zone of Peace, Freedom and Neutrality (ZOPFAN). *Our relations with countries of the region and beyond are based on the principles of respect for one another's independence, sovereignty and territorial integrity, non-interference in each other's internal affairs and non-use of force or threat of use of force. *The protraction of the situation in Kampuchea continues to pose a serious threat to regional peace and stability besides encouraging outside involvement and interference in the region. The formation of the Coalition Government of Democratic Kampuchea under the Presidency of His Highness Prince Norodom Sihanouk is a welcome development towards achieving such a negotiated political settlement of the Kampuchean issue. *Towards this end, we would urge that France, a country which has historical links with countries in this region, to contribute positively to the political solution of the Kampuchean issue. ===1983=== ====Official dinner in honour of the Rt. Hon. [[Pierre Trudeau|Pierre Elliott Trudeau]], Prime Minister of Canada==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=52 Official dinner in honour of Canadian Prime Minister Pierre Elliott Trudeau, 10 January 1983]</small> *Change and development are integral to any society and nation. The problem that confronts societies and nations, however, is that not all developments are for the better. *Malaysia, within this context, welcomes [[Canada|Canadian]] participation in our current national development endeavours, as outlined in the Fourth Malaysia Plan. *Canada-ASEAN relations can become the model of cooperation between a developed country and a group of developing countries, based on partnership on equal terms and common interest. *[[International law]] and order has truly broken down, giving rise to a situation where might and right is almost synonymous. *What is needed is the full backing of the powerful nations. They must revitalise the Organisation which they had created. *We are quite sure that the prices of all manufactured products that developing countries have to buy will continue to rise even when fuel prices go down. *For Malaysia and other developing countries it is a case of 'heads I lose, tails you win' all the time. *Killing OPEC is likely to result in more [[Mexico|Mexicos]], rather than economic recovery. *The Kampuchea issue, if not resolved peacefully and promptly, will also become a threat to world peace and security as continued foreign occupation of Kampuchea has brought in its wake big power rivalry and involvement. *Malaysia welcomes the setting up of the Coalition Government of Democratic Kampuchea under the Presidency of His Highness Prince Sihanouk as a positive step towards the peaceful resolution of the Kampuchea issue. *We look forward to a world characterised by sincere and constructive partnership and cooperation between the developed and more fortunate countries and the developing and less fortunate ones for their mutual benefit. ====A talk on ethnic relations and nation building at a function organised by the Malaysian Social Science Association==== ===1984=== ====Speech at United States==== <small>[https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/remarks-the-president-and-prime-minister-mahathir-bin-mohamad-malaysia-following-their Remarks of the President and Prime Minister Mahathir bin Mohamad of Malaysia Following Their Meetings]</small> *If you were to ask me what is it I would want the United States to do with regard to economic policy, my honest and simple response is for the U.S. economy to get ahead and regain its strength, for the healthier and more vibrant the U.S. economy becomes, the better it will be, not only for the United States and Malaysia but all the developing countries in the world. *We do not expect handouts in our search for a better tomorrow. What we look for are new areas of cooperation and collaboration, particularly in the area of economy and trade interchange to help us in the realization of our aspirations to be a more self-relying and progressive nation. *Where we differ in respect to perception or policy, I'm gratified to note that there is a willingness on the part of the United States to achieve closer understanding and cooperation. *We pledge to continue this friendly and cooperative relationship for mutual benefits. ===2000–present=== * It's quite obvious that when the {{w|Eastern bloc}} was still there, it was a bustle between [[capitalism]] and [[communism]]. Once {{w|Revolutions of 1989|communism was defeated}}, then capitalism could [[Globalization|expand]] and [[Neoliberalism|show its true self]]. It's no longer constrained by the need to be nice, so that people will choose their so-called free-market system as opposed to the centrally planned system. So because of that, nowadays there is nothing to restrain capital, and capital is demanding that it should be able to go anywhere and do whatever it likes. ** [https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/commandingheights/shared/minitext/int_mahathirbinmohamad.html "Commanding Heights"] interview with PBS (2 July 2001). * Clearly Islam the religion is not the cause of [[terrorism]]. Islam, as I said, is a [[religion of peace]]. However through the centuries, deviations from the true teachings of Islam take place. And so [people who call themselves] "Muslims" kill despite the injunction of their religion against killing especially of innocent people. ** Speech <!-- to the UN General Assembly --> in New York City {{cite web |url=http://asiasociety.org/islam-terrorism-and-malaysias-response?page=0,1 |title=Islam, Terrorism, and Malaysia's Response (page 2) |website=Asia Society |date=4 February 2002}} * History should remember Blair and Bush as the killers of children or as the lying prime minister and president. ** [[w:Kuala Lumpur Summit|Perdana conference]], Kuala Lumpur, cited in {{cite news|url=https://www.irishexaminer.com/world/arid-30296556.html|title=Malaysian ex-PM: Blair and Bush are 'evil murderers'|newspaper=Irish Examiner|date=5 October 2007}} * We need an opposition to remind us if we are making mistakes. When you are not opposed you think everything you do is right. ** [http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2005/12/11/nation/12838957&sec=nation ''The Star''] (Malaysian publication, December 2005). * I believe that the country should have a strong government but not too strong. A two-thirds majority like I enjoyed when I was prime minister is sufficient but a 90% majority is too strong. ** December 2005, on his successor [[Abdullah Ahmad Badawi]]'s Parliamentary majority of 92%. [http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2005/12/11/nation/12838957&sec=nation] *I believe that if that bastard leaves, we then won't be bastardised. **in reference to Prime Minister [[Najib Razak]] during [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFd_fCF5CdM a speech at Pasir Gudang] on 29 August 2015. Previously, Najib Razak had warned that Malaysian Malays would be "bastardised" were [[w:UMNO|UMNO]] to lose power in the government, raising controversy by using a swear word (Malay "bangsat", loosely translated as "anus") in his speech. * To be a great leader, one needs to have good strategies, be knowledgeable and able to predict the future. [http://www.malaysiakini.com/news/110479 "Dr M on what makes a great leader"] malaysiakini (13 August 2009) *We call upon all Malaysians, irrespective of race, religion, political situation, creed or parties, young and old, to join us in saving Malaysia from the government headed by Najib Razak. We must rid ourselves of Najib as prime minister. If he’s allowed to go on, the damage will be worse and worse. **Mahathir's move to oust Prime Minister Najib Razak, quote above read from a joint statement endorsed by prominent members from the ruling party, opposition, and civil society groups, quoted on ''Channel News Asia'', [http://www.channelnewsasia.com/news/asiapacific/dr-mahathir-movement-will/2575782.html "Dr Mahathir movement will be bad for country: Malaysia Foreign Affairs Minister"] (5 March 2016). ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} {{commons category|Mahathir Mohamad|Mahathir bin Mohamad}} [[Category:1925 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Prime Ministers of Malaysia]] [[Category:Muslims]] [[Category:Antisemites]] 9slcyv5otfs2d38nz879gulkvmazcmx 3778544 3778541 2025-07-14T12:42:34Z 2001:D08:E6:D35B:F1C9:BD8D:3173:8E81 /* A talk on ethnic relations and nation building at a function organised by the Malaysian Social Science Association */ 3778544 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:PM Mahathir Mohamad gives press statement in Jakarta 2018-06-29.jpg|210px|thumb|Mahathir Mohamad in 2018]] '''[[w:Mahathir Mohamad|Mahathir Mohamad]]''' (born [[10 July]] [[1925]]) is a [[Malaysia|Malaysian]] politician who was the country's Prime Minister from 1981 to 2003 and 2018 to 2020. == Quotes == ===1981=== ====Opening of the ASEAN Travel Forum==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1427 Speech at the opening of the ASEAN Travel Forum, Genting Highlands, 20 October 1981]</small> *The coming together of ASEAN countries for the purpose of creating greater business opportunities for those involved in the tourist industry once again demonstrates ASEAN's determination to foster closer cooperation among member countries. *ASEAN firmly believes in regional cooperation as a means to achieve greater prosperity and stability for our region. *We have the potential to develop a wide variety of attractions within our region and these can indeed be promoted among our own people as well as among international visitors. *Let us put our heads together to evolve ways and means to develop the tourist industry in the ASEAN region. ====Third International Conference of Non-Governmental Organisations on Dadah Use Prevention and Control==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1621 Speech at the Third International Conference of Non-Governmental Organisations on Dadah Use Prevention and Control, Kuala Lumpur, 2 November 1981]</small> *Malaysia, like many other countries, is fully aware of the seriousness and complexity of the global problems of dadah use and substance abuse, and we fully endorse all international efforts, be it governmental or non-governmental, directed towards the eradication of this social menace. *The dadah problem in a sinister way is very democratic in that it does not discriminate against religion, racial descent, or socio-economic background of a person. *Malaysia comprehends the magnitude of the dadah problem. We have accordingly designated it as a security problem. *Insights, understanding and concepts are meaningless and empty unless bold action is taken to ensure results. *For us in Malaysia, the dadah problem is still our number one enemy. As a security problem, it will be given priority. *We cannot allow the expression "everybody’s responsibility is no one’s concern" to be true of dadah prevention. *Dadah is one enemy that we cannot say, "If we cannot fight its abuse, we can join in the abuse." *The obvious answer to the problem is to move on a broad front, to tackle both the underlying and the related dadah problem together. *ASEAN countries, who are both the source and the bearer of the brunt of the international dadah problem, merit greater attention of the world community. *In short, for the sake of future generations, we all have to respond actively, positively and urgently to overcome the dadah problem. ==== Speech at the ASEAN-U.S. Economic Conference ==== [https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1009 Speech at the ASEAN-U.S. Economic Conference, Kuala Lumpur Hilton, 18 November 1981] * What we need today if we are to achieve some semblance of a fair distribution of international wealth is sincerity based on true friendship and a clear understanding of the moral obligations that we all have towards each other. * Our economic policies are based on clear and definite political objectives. If we impose conditions on foreign investors, it is not because we grudge you your profits, but because we have a need to reconcile foreign economic incursions with national aspirations. * The political stability we achieve is, for you, much more worthwhile commercially than the short-term profits you might make. * We do not [[Nationalization|nationalize]], for example. [...] The predictability pertaining to economic policies is our asset. * The ASEAN nations are not intending to compete with the developed countries. Rather they wish to complement. * Malaysia is ruled by [[Conservatism|conservatives]] whose only desire is to develop the country for the benefit of the people. [[Radicalism]] and [[extremism]] has been rejected not only by the Government but also by the people. * We intend to have a firm grip [on inflation] through fiscal and monetary discipline. * I hope that you will take this opportunity to understand this region better and to explore ways and means of establishing better cooperation between American businessmen and financiers with ASEAN's counterparts. ====Speech during Visit to Singapore==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=3 Speech at a Dinner on the Occasion of the Visit to Singapore, 17 December 1981]</small> *An appreciation of differences is as important as the acknowledgement of the common historical and geo-political backgrounds in the fostering of understanding between our two countries. *We can always call up each other, and frankly discuss our mutual problems when they arise. *[[Singapore]]'s success story in the economic and social fields cannot but be a model for Malaysians rather than an object of envy. *What we do within our own country is contributory and complementary towards each other's progress. *The security of the region is the security of Malaysia. *The security apparatus of our two nations continue to cooperate closely against any subversive and criminal elements that could affect our stability even when political leaders are openly squabbling. *We live in a world of instant communication which has spawned instant events, instant interviews and instant comments. *ASEAN has proven to the world to be a viable and cohesive grouping. This credibility has to be sustained. *ASEAN's commitment transcends limited and localised national outlooks, and so renders possible a more daring programme for the future based on a peaceful and stable Southeast Asia. *We do not believe in double standards in the conduct of international relations. *Relations, if it is to be durable, must be based on the mutually accepted norms of equality and respect. There cannot be any compromise on this. *For us to opt for super-power collusion would be submitting ourselves to be pawns in their conflicts and rivalries. *The development of good relationship between our two countries is also a task for the leaders as well as of the people. ===1982=== ====Opening of the 12th ASEAN Economic Ministers Meeting==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=937 Speech at the opening of the 12th ASEAN Economic Ministers Meeting, Kuala Lumpur Hilton, 14 January 1982]</small> *Malaysia’s adherence to the principles of ASEAN cooperation is not altruistic. It is enlightened self-interest. *We cannot prosper alone in a region that is in turmoil and unstable. To prosper we have to have the kind of regional environment that is conducive to economic growth. *ASEAN should inject new ideas in industrial cooperation... the country with the biggest market would enjoy the most benefits even if the product was manufactured by a smaller country. *In industrial complementation, perhaps the private sector should play a more vigorous role. *We are heavily dependent on external services in shipping, and the rising freight charges are an additional burden to the balance of payments of ASEAN countries. *ASEAN as a whole constitutes a major producer of conventional energy such as gas and petroleum. Yet we lack the infrastructure and technology to fully exploit our natural resources. *Despite our disappointment in solving commodity problems, ASEAN should continue to adopt a collective approach and joint efforts in pursuing international economic issues. *ASEAN’s resilience and success serves as a model and shining example to other developing countries on meaningful economic cooperation. ====Opening of the Fourth AIPO General Assembly==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1509 Speech at the opening of the Fourth General Assembly of the ASEAN Inter-Parliamentary Organisation, Parliament House, Kuala Lumpur, 2 February 1982]</small> *We are indeed very happy to have this privilege of hosting the Fourth General Assembly of the ASEAN Inter-Parliamentary Organisation or AIPO. *Despite the various efforts made by us to secure fair terms of trade, we have, we must admit, largely been unsuccessful. *The aspirations of the peoples and Governments of our countries for a New International Economic Order have not only been ignored but their terms of trade continue to be made more inequitable. *We in Southeast Asia have entered an era fraught with unprecedented perils. *The ASEAN Parliament may yet be a forum for the successful coordination of our development and progress. ====Opening of the 5th MAJECA/JAMECA Conference==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=978 Speech at the opening of the 5th Joint Annual Conference of the Malaysia-Japan Economic Association and Japan-Malaysia Economic Association, Kuala Lumpur Hilton, 8 February 1982]</small> *Lately I have been exhorting Malaysians to emulate the Japanese, particularly in work ethics and ethical values. *The West is no longer a suitable model. They have lost their drive. They still want the good life but are not prepared to face the realities of a world market which they can no longer dominate. *When we ask Malaysians to look East, it is not so much your living standard that we are thinking about. That will come... What we are interested in is your work ethics. *It is not just skills we are after, but more importantly, the correct attitude to work, including the sense of belonging, which breeds loyalty. *A prosperous Malaysia will make a better customer and trading partner for [[Japan]]. *It is high time that our businessmen go international and venture to where the markets are, instead of waiting for the markets to come to them. ====Dinner in Honour of Premier Li Jong Ok==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1089 Speech at the dinner in honour of His Excellency Mr. Li Jong Ok, Premier of the Administrative Council of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, Parliament House, Kuala Lumpur, 11 February 1982]</small> *Malaysia has always followed a consistent policy of establishing friendly relations and mutual cooperation with all countries, irrespective of ideology or political systems. *Your Excellency's visit is an important milestone in the development of our bilateral relations. *It is our desire to see the emergence of a coalition government that is truly representative of the people of [[Cambodia|Kampuchea]]. *As non-aligned countries, both the [[North Korea|Democratic People's Republic of Korea]] and Malaysia can play a constructive role in bringing about the peace that we so desire in our respective regions. *Malaysia and the Democratic People's Republic of Korea share similar aspirations... to develop our respective economies and improve the standard of living of our respective peoples. ====Second International Symposium on Savings==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1570 Speech at the Second International Symposium on the Mobilisation of Personal Savings in Developing Countries, Hilton Kuala Lumpur, 15 March 1982]</small> *Our ability to raise adequate domestic savings to finance our development efforts is a necessary precondition, if we are to succeed in re-structuring our economies to cope with the rapid transformation that is taking place in the world economy today. *Despite the talk and widespread publicity on foreign assistance, be they official development aid or foreign direct investment, we have all along been depending on ourselves. *The function of any sound financial system should not only be to intermediate between the savers and the investors, but also to ensure that the less advantaged groups have access to adequate credit at reasonable cost. *The prices of our primary commodities are set by conveniently labelled 'supply and demand forces' located in the industrial countries. *The developing countries must seek ways and means of gaining entree into the market place. They should do so not individually but in cooperation with each other. ====Dinner in Honour of PM Van Agt==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1073 Speech at the dinner in honour of His Excellency Mr. A.A.M. Van Agt, Prime Minister of the Netherlands, Parliament House, Kuala Lumpur, 15 March 1982]</small> *Your Excellency's visit which is the first by a Prime Minister of the Netherlands is indeed an honour for Malaysia. *I have no doubt that your visit will further strengthen the relations and foster greater cooperation between our two countries. *Your support for the aspirations of the developing countries to effect structural changes to the international economic order cannot go without special mention. *Malaysia has of late become disenchanted with what is said to be a free market for commodity trading, particularly tin. *We are urging a producers' association, not in order to jack up prices or to hold the world to ransom, but in order to get fair prices while continuing to stay in the market. *We do hope that actual direct trade with the [[Netherlands]] will increase. *We are happy to see increased interest by [[Dutch people|Dutch]] businessmen in investment opportunities in Malaysia. *We will not nationalise or expropriate in any way. *If your shares or your companies are up for sale then we reserve the right to buy if we think that it is worthwhile. *Malaysia as a member of ASEAN is committed to improve the quality of life of our peoples and to enhance their general well-being. *We have made it clear that we cannot accept military intervention as a means of settling a zonal problem. *We firmly believe that such a solution would pave the way for the realisation of our objective of a Zone of Peace, Freedom and Neutrality in Southeast Asia. *Your visit stimulates not only the common desire to enhance further our bilateral relations but also reinforces the political will and commitment to the search for peace for the benefit of all concerned. *We share identical views on many issues of regional and international importance. ====National Seminar on Productivity==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1289 Speech at the National Seminar on Productivity, Hilton Hotel, Kuala Lumpur, 5 April 1982]</small> *We must face a future where we must stand on our own feet without the benefit of help from other sources. *Productivity means increased output without an equal increase in monetary input. *Work should be enjoyed in the same way that we enjoy playing. *No one is indispensable because everyone is indispensable. *A bored worker is as bad as a bored player. He does not win. A bored worker does not produce. *What we need is a drastic change in attitude on the part of everybody concerned. *The only answer is greater productivity. *Everyone should instill in himself a sense of responsibility both to himself and to his country. *If we can improve our attitudes and regard waste in all its forms as an unforgivable crime directed against ourselves, then we will achieve that high level of productivity so essential to our national development. *Japan’s greatest asset is human resource in the form of disciplined, hard working people. ====1982 Radio Malaysia Election Speech==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=915 Mahathir's 1982 radio address on elections, unity, and governance]</small> *Only a strong Government can champion the cause of the people and bring stability and prosperity to the country. *The National Front is a team. Its strength lies in its team spirit. *We believe that the people who should inherit this country and continue with the struggle to achieve our national aspiration shall be the people who believe and uphold the Rukunegara. ====State Feast in Tonga==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1611 State Feast, Nukuʻalofa, Tonga]</small> *In our interdependent world we have to help and stand by each other. *Today many traditional ways and customs of our forefathers seem to dissipate readily and be discarded. *Stretches of ocean lie between our lands but it is never too far or too difficult for us to keep in touch. ====Commonwealth Science Council Meeting==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=938 12th Meeting of the Commonwealth Science Council, 24 August 1982]</small> * Scientific and technological knowledge like all other forms of knowledge, we believe, increases as you share it with others. * The poor countries need help — not handouts, but a helping hand for their development. * The scientific knowledge and technology of the West cannot be simply imported into the country. It must be properly adjusted and adapted in order to fit into the special needs and requirements of the nation. * We are not about to invent the wheel again, but the application of discoveries and inventions originating elsewhere is part of the exercise in self-reliance. * Only the most primitive of the discarded industries will find a place in the developing world. * Scientific knowledge should be used not merely for material development, but also for the enhancement of the quality of life, and the achievement of peace and harmony. * The community of nations has not yet accepted the principle that the rich should help the poor. * Developing countries are so designated because they are relatively poor. If they are going to be able to buy from the developed countries, they must be helped to attain the financial capacity to do so. ====ASEAN–Japan Symposium==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=979 Speech at the 5th ASEAN–Japan Symposium, 24 August 1982]</small> *ASEAN today is faced with two major problems — one, the instability and uncertainty caused by the situation in Indochina; the second major problem arises out of the current world recession which threatens to retard the industrialisation efforts of the ASEAN countries. *The developed countries have opted for protectionism as a panacea for their ailing industries. If this tendency is not checked, not only would the exports of developing countries be affected but their development and industrialisation efforts would be seriously hampered. *ASEAN would pursue the creation of a Zone of Peace, Freedom and Neutrality in Southeast Asia. The leaders of ASEAN firmly believe that given their freedom from superpower dominance and interference, neighbouring states could successfully set aside their differences to forge a common purpose. *These opportunities were, however, lost when Vietnam intervened militarily and occupied Kampuchea. This she did with the open support of the Soviet Union. *ASEAN's approach to the solution of the Kampuchean problem is aimed at establishing a sovereign, independent and neutral Kampuchea respected and guaranteed by the great powers. *It has long been recognised that the political situation in Southeast Asia, directly or indirectly, impinges on Japan's economic and strategic interests. A prosperous and stable ASEAN is important to the maintenance of peace and stability in the region and therefore merits Japan's support. *Looking East does not mean total Japanization, or a complete break with the West. But it certainly means the almost total dependence on the West will be replaced by a more balanced attitude towards both East and West. *Our ‘Look East’ policy should not just be a one-way traffic. We seek the close cooperation, understanding and assistance not only from the Japanese Government but also from the Japanese public. ====The Presentation and Closing Ceremony of the 27th Asian Film Festival==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1553 Selected quotations from the 27th Asian Film Festival closing speech, 14 September 1982]</small> *Film makers, whether they are producers, directors, script writers, actors and actresses, are endowed with such special qualities that they can contribute in one way or the other towards the happiness of their audience. *They can make the audience happy or they can make them cry. They can make them knowledgeable or they can confuse them absolutely. *Above all they can inculcate positive values so essential to nation building and the development processes. *In the context of developing Malaysia, I see their vast potential in putting across our commitments and reassuring Malaysians of the targets of the nation's strategy in sustaining the growth of a happy and vibrant country as envisaged in our New Economic Policy. *However to be truly profitable local films must be good enough to be shown outside of this country. *Let your success inspire you to greater achievements. ====The Asia Society and the Council of Foreign Relations speech==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1020 Selected quotations from the Asia Society and Council on Foreign Relations speech, 28 September 1982]</small> *The European Economic Community uses economic power to continue political domination. The United States too was drawn into this grouping, thus adding strength to the domination of European countries over their former colonies. *ASEAN is not a strategic concept designed to overawe its neighbours. It was an ad hoc solution to a communications problem between neighbours who were strangers to each other. *Once it was formed, much more was expected of ASEAN than was ever in the minds of the founders. *The five countries of ASEAN are ethnically similar, but historically and politically diverse. *Foreign holdings were forcibly nationalised. But learning from the other ASEAN countries that such was not the route to prosperity, nationalisation was dropped. *All the ASEAN countries are now believers in free trade and free enterprise. Foreign capital is welcome by all. *ASEAN has brought prosperity and stability. Although it is not a military grouping, it can coordinate its policies to deter the kind of adventures that countries standing alone and economically troubled attract. ====The 37th Session of the United Nations General Assembly speech==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=964 Selected quotations from the 37th United Nations General Assembly speech, 29 September 1982]</small> *Might is now the only thing that is right. Weak countries like [[Afghanistan]], Kampuchea and [[Lebanon]] are trodden over by the boots of invading armies as the rest of the world stood by. *The credibility of the [[United Nations]] is at stake. The United Nations must regain its credibility. *The foreign military invasion and continued occupation of Kampuchea is a crime against the Kampuchean people and a threat to regional peace and security. *Nobody, not even a people who had suffered as much as the Jews had, have the right to inflict upon others the horrors of Sabra and Shatila. *[[Israel]] is a bully. If it is any bigger or stronger the world will not be safe. *Those weapons are for nothing less than murder. *To the developing nations, the continuance of the Afghan nationalist struggle is crucial. *Apartheid... is a travesty of justice and is an affront to human dignity. *Our patience and sense of fair-play is being taxed to the limit with the market manipulations abroad which in effect reduce our people to underpaid labourers. *The various exchanges located in the developed countries literally manipulate prices in order to make a profit for the brokers, the dealers, the speculators and others. *It is a case of heads you win, tails I lose. *The stockpile is merely a rich nation’s monopolistic weapon used to depress prices of commodities for the benefit of the consumers. *This world-wide depression is man-made. It is made in the powerful countries by short-sighted people. *There will be violence, riots and revolutions. Governments will fall and anarchy will prevail. *The world has suffered enough from this depression. We need action now. *The uninhabited lands of Antarctica... do not legally belong to the discoverers as much as the colonial territories do not belong to the colonial powers. *Historical episodes are not facts that can substantiate claims. *Israel continues to propagate the myth of the non-existence of the Palestinian people. ====Statement on Regional Economic and Functional Co-operation (CHOGRM III)==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=924 Selected quotations from Mahathir's CHOGRM III speech, Suva, Fiji, 18 October 1982]</small> *We in Malaysia too see the need for the injection of greater assistance to the South Pacific island countries so as to enable them to build up their national resilience and independence. *The Commonwealth is now on test. If the Commonwealth countries in our region cannot actualise economic and functional cooperation, the prestige of the Commonwealth itself will go down. *Some industrially developed nations really feel free to scour and devour the developing nations by their exploitative methods and practices. *They seem incapable of realizing that such libertine activities would only lead to the destruction of the free enterprise system itself. *Our advice to these countries should be that they talk less of their generosity to provide assistance to the poor nations and instead undertake a thorough soul-searching examination. ====State Dinner with Prime Minister Michael Somare of Papua New Guinea==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=17 Papua New Guinea Dinner Speech, 19 October 1982]</small> *The Government of Malaysia fully subscribes to the concept of economic and technical cooperation among developing countries. Malaysians are ready to participate in practical economic and technical programmes with [[Papua New Guinea]]. We are your 'wantoks'. *The spinoffs of better understanding and goodwill from increased contact and cooperation between our peoples will surely strengthen our friendship. *Malaysia is extremely unhappy at the manipulation of commodity prices by the various exchanges located in the developed countries. Scant regard is paid to the producers. To ensure reasonable prices, such an unhealthy system has to be dismantled. ====Opening of the ASEAN Law Association General Assembly==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1463 ASEAN Law Association Speech (26 Oct 1982)]</small> *I believe in the supremacy of the Constitution. The Malaysian Government will faithfully do its duty as guaranteed to minorities, rights guaranteed to the citizen and in some cases to the non-citizen also. The Constitution is not infallible, having been drafted by mere man. Hence the Constitution also provides for its amendment no doubt to make it compatible with changing times. But the conditions for amendments are such that the Constitution cannot be trifled with at will. *No man is above the law, not even those in power. Those in power are in fact trustees and their duty is to promote the public good, not self-enrichment. *During your deliberations it is only proper that as professionals you focus on legal justice. But I would like to point out that apart from legal justice, there are other kinds of justice which are also desirable that we should achieve, and that is economic and social justice. The former [[President of the United States]], Mr. [[Jimmy Carter|Carter]] in a speech to American lawyers said that in the [[United States]] there are many judges and many lawyers but not enough justice. He was referring to legal justice. As head of the Government I am acutely aware of the need to provide the broader kind of justice that I mentioned. *Each of these systems is designed to regulate in a fair manner the relations of man, the relations between man and the State; and prescribes a just way of resolving disputes among them. But each system follows different paths. Your deliberations should over a period of time produce a synthesis of laws for the benefit of the whole of ASEAN. ====Official Dinner Speech in Bangkok with Thai Prime Minister Prem Tinsulanonda==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1334 Mahathir–Prem Official Dinner, Bangkok (8 December 1982)]</small> *As close neighbours, common sense dictates that in our relations with each other there can be no alternative to mutual trust and the willingness to work together in facing our common problems. Indeed, our two countries are also brought together because of our affinity for each other and the many common perceptions we share. *The corner-stone of Malaysia's foreign policy vis-a-vis [[Thailand]] is, and will always be, one of good neighbourliness through mutual assistance and cooperation. *These are troubled times: not only have we to contend with a major world-wide economic recession, but also serious challenges to the peace and stability of our region. It is, therefore, all the more imperative that we continue working together both bilaterally and within the context of ASEAN. *Malaysia will work closely with Thailand for the preservation of peace and stability in the region. *It is through this ASEAN spirit and our commitment to the objectives of ASEAN that today we have in our region an association of nations that we can be justly proud of, for the simple reason that it works. *The motive-force for the success of ASEAN lies in our firm belief in peace and in working together for the prosperity of all in the region. *[[Vietnam]]'s military intervention and continued occupation of Kampuchea represents not only a direct interference in the internal affairs of the country, but a threat to the peace and stability of the whole region. The establishment of the Coalition Government of Democratic Kampuchea headed by His Highness Prince [[Norodom Sihanouk]] is a positive development. ====Official Dinner Speech Honouring French Prime Minister Pierre Mauroy==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1365 Mahathir–Pierre Mauroy Official Dinner, Kuala Lumpur (13 December 1982)]</small> *Your visit to Malaysia, Excellency, is the first ever by a Prime Minister of France. I am confident that your visit will contribute to the strengthening of the existing close ties of friendship and cooperation between our two countries. *While France may not be among Malaysia's major trading partners, she has participated in and contributed to our economic development in the past and continues to do so presently. *In adopting a 'Look East' policy in order to balance foreign influences on our national development, we are not turning our backs on the West completely. The West remains an important partner in our development efforts and French expertise, technology and investment are always welcome. *France... has of late introduced a ruling requiring that all customs import-documents be prepared in French. This is certainly an impediment to a freer flow of trade and constitutes another form of non-tariff barrier. *Imagine the consternation among French exporters if Malaysia were to insist that they must use Bahasa Malaysia in all their documentation. *Trade missions coming to sell goods here should bring along investors as well. We need investment in new projects to support our industrialisation programme. *What we would like to see is an offset programme whereby purchases and contracts are linked with economic reciprocity of one kind or another. *To achieve this objective of regional peace and stability, Malaysia, together with her partners in ASEAN, declared their resolve to make Southeast Asia a Zone of Peace, Freedom and Neutrality (ZOPFAN). *Our relations with countries of the region and beyond are based on the principles of respect for one another's independence, sovereignty and territorial integrity, non-interference in each other's internal affairs and non-use of force or threat of use of force. *The protraction of the situation in Kampuchea continues to pose a serious threat to regional peace and stability besides encouraging outside involvement and interference in the region. The formation of the Coalition Government of Democratic Kampuchea under the Presidency of His Highness Prince Norodom Sihanouk is a welcome development towards achieving such a negotiated political settlement of the Kampuchean issue. *Towards this end, we would urge that France, a country which has historical links with countries in this region, to contribute positively to the political solution of the Kampuchean issue. ===1983=== ====Official dinner in honour of the Rt. Hon. [[Pierre Trudeau|Pierre Elliott Trudeau]], Prime Minister of Canada==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=52 Official dinner in honour of Canadian Prime Minister Pierre Elliott Trudeau, 10 January 1983]</small> *Change and development are integral to any society and nation. The problem that confronts societies and nations, however, is that not all developments are for the better. *Malaysia, within this context, welcomes [[Canada|Canadian]] participation in our current national development endeavours, as outlined in the Fourth Malaysia Plan. *Canada-ASEAN relations can become the model of cooperation between a developed country and a group of developing countries, based on partnership on equal terms and common interest. *[[International law]] and order has truly broken down, giving rise to a situation where might and right is almost synonymous. *What is needed is the full backing of the powerful nations. They must revitalise the Organisation which they had created. *We are quite sure that the prices of all manufactured products that developing countries have to buy will continue to rise even when fuel prices go down. *For Malaysia and other developing countries it is a case of 'heads I lose, tails you win' all the time. *Killing OPEC is likely to result in more [[Mexico|Mexicos]], rather than economic recovery. *The Kampuchea issue, if not resolved peacefully and promptly, will also become a threat to world peace and security as continued foreign occupation of Kampuchea has brought in its wake big power rivalry and involvement. *Malaysia welcomes the setting up of the Coalition Government of Democratic Kampuchea under the Presidency of His Highness Prince Sihanouk as a positive step towards the peaceful resolution of the Kampuchea issue. *We look forward to a world characterised by sincere and constructive partnership and cooperation between the developed and more fortunate countries and the developing and less fortunate ones for their mutual benefit. ====A talk on ethnic relations and nation building at a function organised by the Malaysian Social Science Association==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=18 A talk on ethnic relations and nation building, 12 January 1983]</small> ===1984=== ====Speech at United States==== <small>[https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/remarks-the-president-and-prime-minister-mahathir-bin-mohamad-malaysia-following-their Remarks of the President and Prime Minister Mahathir bin Mohamad of Malaysia Following Their Meetings]</small> *If you were to ask me what is it I would want the United States to do with regard to economic policy, my honest and simple response is for the U.S. economy to get ahead and regain its strength, for the healthier and more vibrant the U.S. economy becomes, the better it will be, not only for the United States and Malaysia but all the developing countries in the world. *We do not expect handouts in our search for a better tomorrow. What we look for are new areas of cooperation and collaboration, particularly in the area of economy and trade interchange to help us in the realization of our aspirations to be a more self-relying and progressive nation. *Where we differ in respect to perception or policy, I'm gratified to note that there is a willingness on the part of the United States to achieve closer understanding and cooperation. *We pledge to continue this friendly and cooperative relationship for mutual benefits. ===2000–present=== * It's quite obvious that when the {{w|Eastern bloc}} was still there, it was a bustle between [[capitalism]] and [[communism]]. Once {{w|Revolutions of 1989|communism was defeated}}, then capitalism could [[Globalization|expand]] and [[Neoliberalism|show its true self]]. It's no longer constrained by the need to be nice, so that people will choose their so-called free-market system as opposed to the centrally planned system. So because of that, nowadays there is nothing to restrain capital, and capital is demanding that it should be able to go anywhere and do whatever it likes. ** [https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/commandingheights/shared/minitext/int_mahathirbinmohamad.html "Commanding Heights"] interview with PBS (2 July 2001). * Clearly Islam the religion is not the cause of [[terrorism]]. Islam, as I said, is a [[religion of peace]]. However through the centuries, deviations from the true teachings of Islam take place. And so [people who call themselves] "Muslims" kill despite the injunction of their religion against killing especially of innocent people. ** Speech <!-- to the UN General Assembly --> in New York City {{cite web |url=http://asiasociety.org/islam-terrorism-and-malaysias-response?page=0,1 |title=Islam, Terrorism, and Malaysia's Response (page 2) |website=Asia Society |date=4 February 2002}} * History should remember Blair and Bush as the killers of children or as the lying prime minister and president. ** [[w:Kuala Lumpur Summit|Perdana conference]], Kuala Lumpur, cited in {{cite news|url=https://www.irishexaminer.com/world/arid-30296556.html|title=Malaysian ex-PM: Blair and Bush are 'evil murderers'|newspaper=Irish Examiner|date=5 October 2007}} * We need an opposition to remind us if we are making mistakes. When you are not opposed you think everything you do is right. ** [http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2005/12/11/nation/12838957&sec=nation ''The Star''] (Malaysian publication, December 2005). * I believe that the country should have a strong government but not too strong. A two-thirds majority like I enjoyed when I was prime minister is sufficient but a 90% majority is too strong. ** December 2005, on his successor [[Abdullah Ahmad Badawi]]'s Parliamentary majority of 92%. [http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2005/12/11/nation/12838957&sec=nation] *I believe that if that bastard leaves, we then won't be bastardised. **in reference to Prime Minister [[Najib Razak]] during [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFd_fCF5CdM a speech at Pasir Gudang] on 29 August 2015. Previously, Najib Razak had warned that Malaysian Malays would be "bastardised" were [[w:UMNO|UMNO]] to lose power in the government, raising controversy by using a swear word (Malay "bangsat", loosely translated as "anus") in his speech. * To be a great leader, one needs to have good strategies, be knowledgeable and able to predict the future. [http://www.malaysiakini.com/news/110479 "Dr M on what makes a great leader"] malaysiakini (13 August 2009) *We call upon all Malaysians, irrespective of race, religion, political situation, creed or parties, young and old, to join us in saving Malaysia from the government headed by Najib Razak. We must rid ourselves of Najib as prime minister. If he’s allowed to go on, the damage will be worse and worse. **Mahathir's move to oust Prime Minister Najib Razak, quote above read from a joint statement endorsed by prominent members from the ruling party, opposition, and civil society groups, quoted on ''Channel News Asia'', [http://www.channelnewsasia.com/news/asiapacific/dr-mahathir-movement-will/2575782.html "Dr Mahathir movement will be bad for country: Malaysia Foreign Affairs Minister"] (5 March 2016). ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} {{commons category|Mahathir Mohamad|Mahathir bin Mohamad}} [[Category:1925 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Prime Ministers of Malaysia]] [[Category:Muslims]] [[Category:Antisemites]] q6hb08j86pd68j2axp0obhxhahzi5mh 3778549 3778544 2025-07-14T12:43:47Z 2001:D08:E6:D35B:F1C9:BD8D:3173:8E81 /* A talk on ethnic relations and nation building at a function organised by the Malaysian Social Science Association */ 3778549 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:PM Mahathir Mohamad gives press statement in Jakarta 2018-06-29.jpg|210px|thumb|Mahathir Mohamad in 2018]] '''[[w:Mahathir Mohamad|Mahathir Mohamad]]''' (born [[10 July]] [[1925]]) is a [[Malaysia|Malaysian]] politician who was the country's Prime Minister from 1981 to 2003 and 2018 to 2020. == Quotes == ===1981=== ====Opening of the ASEAN Travel Forum==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1427 Speech at the opening of the ASEAN Travel Forum, Genting Highlands, 20 October 1981]</small> *The coming together of ASEAN countries for the purpose of creating greater business opportunities for those involved in the tourist industry once again demonstrates ASEAN's determination to foster closer cooperation among member countries. *ASEAN firmly believes in regional cooperation as a means to achieve greater prosperity and stability for our region. *We have the potential to develop a wide variety of attractions within our region and these can indeed be promoted among our own people as well as among international visitors. *Let us put our heads together to evolve ways and means to develop the tourist industry in the ASEAN region. ====Third International Conference of Non-Governmental Organisations on Dadah Use Prevention and Control==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1621 Speech at the Third International Conference of Non-Governmental Organisations on Dadah Use Prevention and Control, Kuala Lumpur, 2 November 1981]</small> *Malaysia, like many other countries, is fully aware of the seriousness and complexity of the global problems of dadah use and substance abuse, and we fully endorse all international efforts, be it governmental or non-governmental, directed towards the eradication of this social menace. *The dadah problem in a sinister way is very democratic in that it does not discriminate against religion, racial descent, or socio-economic background of a person. *Malaysia comprehends the magnitude of the dadah problem. We have accordingly designated it as a security problem. *Insights, understanding and concepts are meaningless and empty unless bold action is taken to ensure results. *For us in Malaysia, the dadah problem is still our number one enemy. As a security problem, it will be given priority. *We cannot allow the expression "everybody’s responsibility is no one’s concern" to be true of dadah prevention. *Dadah is one enemy that we cannot say, "If we cannot fight its abuse, we can join in the abuse." *The obvious answer to the problem is to move on a broad front, to tackle both the underlying and the related dadah problem together. *ASEAN countries, who are both the source and the bearer of the brunt of the international dadah problem, merit greater attention of the world community. *In short, for the sake of future generations, we all have to respond actively, positively and urgently to overcome the dadah problem. ==== Speech at the ASEAN-U.S. Economic Conference ==== [https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1009 Speech at the ASEAN-U.S. Economic Conference, Kuala Lumpur Hilton, 18 November 1981] * What we need today if we are to achieve some semblance of a fair distribution of international wealth is sincerity based on true friendship and a clear understanding of the moral obligations that we all have towards each other. * Our economic policies are based on clear and definite political objectives. If we impose conditions on foreign investors, it is not because we grudge you your profits, but because we have a need to reconcile foreign economic incursions with national aspirations. * The political stability we achieve is, for you, much more worthwhile commercially than the short-term profits you might make. * We do not [[Nationalization|nationalize]], for example. [...] The predictability pertaining to economic policies is our asset. * The ASEAN nations are not intending to compete with the developed countries. Rather they wish to complement. * Malaysia is ruled by [[Conservatism|conservatives]] whose only desire is to develop the country for the benefit of the people. [[Radicalism]] and [[extremism]] has been rejected not only by the Government but also by the people. * We intend to have a firm grip [on inflation] through fiscal and monetary discipline. * I hope that you will take this opportunity to understand this region better and to explore ways and means of establishing better cooperation between American businessmen and financiers with ASEAN's counterparts. ====Speech during Visit to Singapore==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=3 Speech at a Dinner on the Occasion of the Visit to Singapore, 17 December 1981]</small> *An appreciation of differences is as important as the acknowledgement of the common historical and geo-political backgrounds in the fostering of understanding between our two countries. *We can always call up each other, and frankly discuss our mutual problems when they arise. *[[Singapore]]'s success story in the economic and social fields cannot but be a model for Malaysians rather than an object of envy. *What we do within our own country is contributory and complementary towards each other's progress. *The security of the region is the security of Malaysia. *The security apparatus of our two nations continue to cooperate closely against any subversive and criminal elements that could affect our stability even when political leaders are openly squabbling. *We live in a world of instant communication which has spawned instant events, instant interviews and instant comments. *ASEAN has proven to the world to be a viable and cohesive grouping. This credibility has to be sustained. *ASEAN's commitment transcends limited and localised national outlooks, and so renders possible a more daring programme for the future based on a peaceful and stable Southeast Asia. *We do not believe in double standards in the conduct of international relations. *Relations, if it is to be durable, must be based on the mutually accepted norms of equality and respect. There cannot be any compromise on this. *For us to opt for super-power collusion would be submitting ourselves to be pawns in their conflicts and rivalries. *The development of good relationship between our two countries is also a task for the leaders as well as of the people. ===1982=== ====Opening of the 12th ASEAN Economic Ministers Meeting==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=937 Speech at the opening of the 12th ASEAN Economic Ministers Meeting, Kuala Lumpur Hilton, 14 January 1982]</small> *Malaysia’s adherence to the principles of ASEAN cooperation is not altruistic. It is enlightened self-interest. *We cannot prosper alone in a region that is in turmoil and unstable. To prosper we have to have the kind of regional environment that is conducive to economic growth. *ASEAN should inject new ideas in industrial cooperation... the country with the biggest market would enjoy the most benefits even if the product was manufactured by a smaller country. *In industrial complementation, perhaps the private sector should play a more vigorous role. *We are heavily dependent on external services in shipping, and the rising freight charges are an additional burden to the balance of payments of ASEAN countries. *ASEAN as a whole constitutes a major producer of conventional energy such as gas and petroleum. Yet we lack the infrastructure and technology to fully exploit our natural resources. *Despite our disappointment in solving commodity problems, ASEAN should continue to adopt a collective approach and joint efforts in pursuing international economic issues. *ASEAN’s resilience and success serves as a model and shining example to other developing countries on meaningful economic cooperation. ====Opening of the Fourth AIPO General Assembly==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1509 Speech at the opening of the Fourth General Assembly of the ASEAN Inter-Parliamentary Organisation, Parliament House, Kuala Lumpur, 2 February 1982]</small> *We are indeed very happy to have this privilege of hosting the Fourth General Assembly of the ASEAN Inter-Parliamentary Organisation or AIPO. *Despite the various efforts made by us to secure fair terms of trade, we have, we must admit, largely been unsuccessful. *The aspirations of the peoples and Governments of our countries for a New International Economic Order have not only been ignored but their terms of trade continue to be made more inequitable. *We in Southeast Asia have entered an era fraught with unprecedented perils. *The ASEAN Parliament may yet be a forum for the successful coordination of our development and progress. ====Opening of the 5th MAJECA/JAMECA Conference==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=978 Speech at the opening of the 5th Joint Annual Conference of the Malaysia-Japan Economic Association and Japan-Malaysia Economic Association, Kuala Lumpur Hilton, 8 February 1982]</small> *Lately I have been exhorting Malaysians to emulate the Japanese, particularly in work ethics and ethical values. *The West is no longer a suitable model. They have lost their drive. They still want the good life but are not prepared to face the realities of a world market which they can no longer dominate. *When we ask Malaysians to look East, it is not so much your living standard that we are thinking about. That will come... What we are interested in is your work ethics. *It is not just skills we are after, but more importantly, the correct attitude to work, including the sense of belonging, which breeds loyalty. *A prosperous Malaysia will make a better customer and trading partner for [[Japan]]. *It is high time that our businessmen go international and venture to where the markets are, instead of waiting for the markets to come to them. ====Dinner in Honour of Premier Li Jong Ok==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1089 Speech at the dinner in honour of His Excellency Mr. Li Jong Ok, Premier of the Administrative Council of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, Parliament House, Kuala Lumpur, 11 February 1982]</small> *Malaysia has always followed a consistent policy of establishing friendly relations and mutual cooperation with all countries, irrespective of ideology or political systems. *Your Excellency's visit is an important milestone in the development of our bilateral relations. *It is our desire to see the emergence of a coalition government that is truly representative of the people of [[Cambodia|Kampuchea]]. *As non-aligned countries, both the [[North Korea|Democratic People's Republic of Korea]] and Malaysia can play a constructive role in bringing about the peace that we so desire in our respective regions. *Malaysia and the Democratic People's Republic of Korea share similar aspirations... to develop our respective economies and improve the standard of living of our respective peoples. ====Second International Symposium on Savings==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1570 Speech at the Second International Symposium on the Mobilisation of Personal Savings in Developing Countries, Hilton Kuala Lumpur, 15 March 1982]</small> *Our ability to raise adequate domestic savings to finance our development efforts is a necessary precondition, if we are to succeed in re-structuring our economies to cope with the rapid transformation that is taking place in the world economy today. *Despite the talk and widespread publicity on foreign assistance, be they official development aid or foreign direct investment, we have all along been depending on ourselves. *The function of any sound financial system should not only be to intermediate between the savers and the investors, but also to ensure that the less advantaged groups have access to adequate credit at reasonable cost. *The prices of our primary commodities are set by conveniently labelled 'supply and demand forces' located in the industrial countries. *The developing countries must seek ways and means of gaining entree into the market place. They should do so not individually but in cooperation with each other. ====Dinner in Honour of PM Van Agt==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1073 Speech at the dinner in honour of His Excellency Mr. A.A.M. Van Agt, Prime Minister of the Netherlands, Parliament House, Kuala Lumpur, 15 March 1982]</small> *Your Excellency's visit which is the first by a Prime Minister of the Netherlands is indeed an honour for Malaysia. *I have no doubt that your visit will further strengthen the relations and foster greater cooperation between our two countries. *Your support for the aspirations of the developing countries to effect structural changes to the international economic order cannot go without special mention. *Malaysia has of late become disenchanted with what is said to be a free market for commodity trading, particularly tin. *We are urging a producers' association, not in order to jack up prices or to hold the world to ransom, but in order to get fair prices while continuing to stay in the market. *We do hope that actual direct trade with the [[Netherlands]] will increase. *We are happy to see increased interest by [[Dutch people|Dutch]] businessmen in investment opportunities in Malaysia. *We will not nationalise or expropriate in any way. *If your shares or your companies are up for sale then we reserve the right to buy if we think that it is worthwhile. *Malaysia as a member of ASEAN is committed to improve the quality of life of our peoples and to enhance their general well-being. *We have made it clear that we cannot accept military intervention as a means of settling a zonal problem. *We firmly believe that such a solution would pave the way for the realisation of our objective of a Zone of Peace, Freedom and Neutrality in Southeast Asia. *Your visit stimulates not only the common desire to enhance further our bilateral relations but also reinforces the political will and commitment to the search for peace for the benefit of all concerned. *We share identical views on many issues of regional and international importance. ====National Seminar on Productivity==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1289 Speech at the National Seminar on Productivity, Hilton Hotel, Kuala Lumpur, 5 April 1982]</small> *We must face a future where we must stand on our own feet without the benefit of help from other sources. *Productivity means increased output without an equal increase in monetary input. *Work should be enjoyed in the same way that we enjoy playing. *No one is indispensable because everyone is indispensable. *A bored worker is as bad as a bored player. He does not win. A bored worker does not produce. *What we need is a drastic change in attitude on the part of everybody concerned. *The only answer is greater productivity. *Everyone should instill in himself a sense of responsibility both to himself and to his country. *If we can improve our attitudes and regard waste in all its forms as an unforgivable crime directed against ourselves, then we will achieve that high level of productivity so essential to our national development. *Japan’s greatest asset is human resource in the form of disciplined, hard working people. ====1982 Radio Malaysia Election Speech==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=915 Mahathir's 1982 radio address on elections, unity, and governance]</small> *Only a strong Government can champion the cause of the people and bring stability and prosperity to the country. *The National Front is a team. Its strength lies in its team spirit. *We believe that the people who should inherit this country and continue with the struggle to achieve our national aspiration shall be the people who believe and uphold the Rukunegara. ====State Feast in Tonga==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1611 State Feast, Nukuʻalofa, Tonga]</small> *In our interdependent world we have to help and stand by each other. *Today many traditional ways and customs of our forefathers seem to dissipate readily and be discarded. *Stretches of ocean lie between our lands but it is never too far or too difficult for us to keep in touch. ====Commonwealth Science Council Meeting==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=938 12th Meeting of the Commonwealth Science Council, 24 August 1982]</small> * Scientific and technological knowledge like all other forms of knowledge, we believe, increases as you share it with others. * The poor countries need help — not handouts, but a helping hand for their development. * The scientific knowledge and technology of the West cannot be simply imported into the country. It must be properly adjusted and adapted in order to fit into the special needs and requirements of the nation. * We are not about to invent the wheel again, but the application of discoveries and inventions originating elsewhere is part of the exercise in self-reliance. * Only the most primitive of the discarded industries will find a place in the developing world. * Scientific knowledge should be used not merely for material development, but also for the enhancement of the quality of life, and the achievement of peace and harmony. * The community of nations has not yet accepted the principle that the rich should help the poor. * Developing countries are so designated because they are relatively poor. If they are going to be able to buy from the developed countries, they must be helped to attain the financial capacity to do so. ====ASEAN–Japan Symposium==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=979 Speech at the 5th ASEAN–Japan Symposium, 24 August 1982]</small> *ASEAN today is faced with two major problems — one, the instability and uncertainty caused by the situation in Indochina; the second major problem arises out of the current world recession which threatens to retard the industrialisation efforts of the ASEAN countries. *The developed countries have opted for protectionism as a panacea for their ailing industries. If this tendency is not checked, not only would the exports of developing countries be affected but their development and industrialisation efforts would be seriously hampered. *ASEAN would pursue the creation of a Zone of Peace, Freedom and Neutrality in Southeast Asia. The leaders of ASEAN firmly believe that given their freedom from superpower dominance and interference, neighbouring states could successfully set aside their differences to forge a common purpose. *These opportunities were, however, lost when Vietnam intervened militarily and occupied Kampuchea. This she did with the open support of the Soviet Union. *ASEAN's approach to the solution of the Kampuchean problem is aimed at establishing a sovereign, independent and neutral Kampuchea respected and guaranteed by the great powers. *It has long been recognised that the political situation in Southeast Asia, directly or indirectly, impinges on Japan's economic and strategic interests. A prosperous and stable ASEAN is important to the maintenance of peace and stability in the region and therefore merits Japan's support. *Looking East does not mean total Japanization, or a complete break with the West. But it certainly means the almost total dependence on the West will be replaced by a more balanced attitude towards both East and West. *Our ‘Look East’ policy should not just be a one-way traffic. We seek the close cooperation, understanding and assistance not only from the Japanese Government but also from the Japanese public. ====The Presentation and Closing Ceremony of the 27th Asian Film Festival==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1553 Selected quotations from the 27th Asian Film Festival closing speech, 14 September 1982]</small> *Film makers, whether they are producers, directors, script writers, actors and actresses, are endowed with such special qualities that they can contribute in one way or the other towards the happiness of their audience. *They can make the audience happy or they can make them cry. They can make them knowledgeable or they can confuse them absolutely. *Above all they can inculcate positive values so essential to nation building and the development processes. *In the context of developing Malaysia, I see their vast potential in putting across our commitments and reassuring Malaysians of the targets of the nation's strategy in sustaining the growth of a happy and vibrant country as envisaged in our New Economic Policy. *However to be truly profitable local films must be good enough to be shown outside of this country. *Let your success inspire you to greater achievements. ====The Asia Society and the Council of Foreign Relations speech==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1020 Selected quotations from the Asia Society and Council on Foreign Relations speech, 28 September 1982]</small> *The European Economic Community uses economic power to continue political domination. The United States too was drawn into this grouping, thus adding strength to the domination of European countries over their former colonies. *ASEAN is not a strategic concept designed to overawe its neighbours. It was an ad hoc solution to a communications problem between neighbours who were strangers to each other. *Once it was formed, much more was expected of ASEAN than was ever in the minds of the founders. *The five countries of ASEAN are ethnically similar, but historically and politically diverse. *Foreign holdings were forcibly nationalised. But learning from the other ASEAN countries that such was not the route to prosperity, nationalisation was dropped. *All the ASEAN countries are now believers in free trade and free enterprise. Foreign capital is welcome by all. *ASEAN has brought prosperity and stability. Although it is not a military grouping, it can coordinate its policies to deter the kind of adventures that countries standing alone and economically troubled attract. ====The 37th Session of the United Nations General Assembly speech==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=964 Selected quotations from the 37th United Nations General Assembly speech, 29 September 1982]</small> *Might is now the only thing that is right. Weak countries like [[Afghanistan]], Kampuchea and [[Lebanon]] are trodden over by the boots of invading armies as the rest of the world stood by. *The credibility of the [[United Nations]] is at stake. The United Nations must regain its credibility. *The foreign military invasion and continued occupation of Kampuchea is a crime against the Kampuchean people and a threat to regional peace and security. *Nobody, not even a people who had suffered as much as the Jews had, have the right to inflict upon others the horrors of Sabra and Shatila. *[[Israel]] is a bully. If it is any bigger or stronger the world will not be safe. *Those weapons are for nothing less than murder. *To the developing nations, the continuance of the Afghan nationalist struggle is crucial. *Apartheid... is a travesty of justice and is an affront to human dignity. *Our patience and sense of fair-play is being taxed to the limit with the market manipulations abroad which in effect reduce our people to underpaid labourers. *The various exchanges located in the developed countries literally manipulate prices in order to make a profit for the brokers, the dealers, the speculators and others. *It is a case of heads you win, tails I lose. *The stockpile is merely a rich nation’s monopolistic weapon used to depress prices of commodities for the benefit of the consumers. *This world-wide depression is man-made. It is made in the powerful countries by short-sighted people. *There will be violence, riots and revolutions. Governments will fall and anarchy will prevail. *The world has suffered enough from this depression. We need action now. *The uninhabited lands of Antarctica... do not legally belong to the discoverers as much as the colonial territories do not belong to the colonial powers. *Historical episodes are not facts that can substantiate claims. *Israel continues to propagate the myth of the non-existence of the Palestinian people. ====Statement on Regional Economic and Functional Co-operation (CHOGRM III)==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=924 Selected quotations from Mahathir's CHOGRM III speech, Suva, Fiji, 18 October 1982]</small> *We in Malaysia too see the need for the injection of greater assistance to the South Pacific island countries so as to enable them to build up their national resilience and independence. *The Commonwealth is now on test. If the Commonwealth countries in our region cannot actualise economic and functional cooperation, the prestige of the Commonwealth itself will go down. *Some industrially developed nations really feel free to scour and devour the developing nations by their exploitative methods and practices. *They seem incapable of realizing that such libertine activities would only lead to the destruction of the free enterprise system itself. *Our advice to these countries should be that they talk less of their generosity to provide assistance to the poor nations and instead undertake a thorough soul-searching examination. ====State Dinner with Prime Minister Michael Somare of Papua New Guinea==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=17 Papua New Guinea Dinner Speech, 19 October 1982]</small> *The Government of Malaysia fully subscribes to the concept of economic and technical cooperation among developing countries. Malaysians are ready to participate in practical economic and technical programmes with [[Papua New Guinea]]. We are your 'wantoks'. *The spinoffs of better understanding and goodwill from increased contact and cooperation between our peoples will surely strengthen our friendship. *Malaysia is extremely unhappy at the manipulation of commodity prices by the various exchanges located in the developed countries. Scant regard is paid to the producers. To ensure reasonable prices, such an unhealthy system has to be dismantled. ====Opening of the ASEAN Law Association General Assembly==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1463 ASEAN Law Association Speech (26 Oct 1982)]</small> *I believe in the supremacy of the Constitution. The Malaysian Government will faithfully do its duty as guaranteed to minorities, rights guaranteed to the citizen and in some cases to the non-citizen also. The Constitution is not infallible, having been drafted by mere man. Hence the Constitution also provides for its amendment no doubt to make it compatible with changing times. But the conditions for amendments are such that the Constitution cannot be trifled with at will. *No man is above the law, not even those in power. Those in power are in fact trustees and their duty is to promote the public good, not self-enrichment. *During your deliberations it is only proper that as professionals you focus on legal justice. But I would like to point out that apart from legal justice, there are other kinds of justice which are also desirable that we should achieve, and that is economic and social justice. The former [[President of the United States]], Mr. [[Jimmy Carter|Carter]] in a speech to American lawyers said that in the [[United States]] there are many judges and many lawyers but not enough justice. He was referring to legal justice. As head of the Government I am acutely aware of the need to provide the broader kind of justice that I mentioned. *Each of these systems is designed to regulate in a fair manner the relations of man, the relations between man and the State; and prescribes a just way of resolving disputes among them. But each system follows different paths. Your deliberations should over a period of time produce a synthesis of laws for the benefit of the whole of ASEAN. ====Official Dinner Speech in Bangkok with Thai Prime Minister Prem Tinsulanonda==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1334 Mahathir–Prem Official Dinner, Bangkok (8 December 1982)]</small> *As close neighbours, common sense dictates that in our relations with each other there can be no alternative to mutual trust and the willingness to work together in facing our common problems. Indeed, our two countries are also brought together because of our affinity for each other and the many common perceptions we share. *The corner-stone of Malaysia's foreign policy vis-a-vis [[Thailand]] is, and will always be, one of good neighbourliness through mutual assistance and cooperation. *These are troubled times: not only have we to contend with a major world-wide economic recession, but also serious challenges to the peace and stability of our region. It is, therefore, all the more imperative that we continue working together both bilaterally and within the context of ASEAN. *Malaysia will work closely with Thailand for the preservation of peace and stability in the region. *It is through this ASEAN spirit and our commitment to the objectives of ASEAN that today we have in our region an association of nations that we can be justly proud of, for the simple reason that it works. *The motive-force for the success of ASEAN lies in our firm belief in peace and in working together for the prosperity of all in the region. *[[Vietnam]]'s military intervention and continued occupation of Kampuchea represents not only a direct interference in the internal affairs of the country, but a threat to the peace and stability of the whole region. The establishment of the Coalition Government of Democratic Kampuchea headed by His Highness Prince [[Norodom Sihanouk]] is a positive development. ====Official Dinner Speech Honouring French Prime Minister Pierre Mauroy==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1365 Mahathir–Pierre Mauroy Official Dinner, Kuala Lumpur (13 December 1982)]</small> *Your visit to Malaysia, Excellency, is the first ever by a Prime Minister of France. I am confident that your visit will contribute to the strengthening of the existing close ties of friendship and cooperation between our two countries. *While France may not be among Malaysia's major trading partners, she has participated in and contributed to our economic development in the past and continues to do so presently. *In adopting a 'Look East' policy in order to balance foreign influences on our national development, we are not turning our backs on the West completely. The West remains an important partner in our development efforts and French expertise, technology and investment are always welcome. *France... has of late introduced a ruling requiring that all customs import-documents be prepared in French. This is certainly an impediment to a freer flow of trade and constitutes another form of non-tariff barrier. *Imagine the consternation among French exporters if Malaysia were to insist that they must use Bahasa Malaysia in all their documentation. *Trade missions coming to sell goods here should bring along investors as well. We need investment in new projects to support our industrialisation programme. *What we would like to see is an offset programme whereby purchases and contracts are linked with economic reciprocity of one kind or another. *To achieve this objective of regional peace and stability, Malaysia, together with her partners in ASEAN, declared their resolve to make Southeast Asia a Zone of Peace, Freedom and Neutrality (ZOPFAN). *Our relations with countries of the region and beyond are based on the principles of respect for one another's independence, sovereignty and territorial integrity, non-interference in each other's internal affairs and non-use of force or threat of use of force. *The protraction of the situation in Kampuchea continues to pose a serious threat to regional peace and stability besides encouraging outside involvement and interference in the region. The formation of the Coalition Government of Democratic Kampuchea under the Presidency of His Highness Prince Norodom Sihanouk is a welcome development towards achieving such a negotiated political settlement of the Kampuchean issue. *Towards this end, we would urge that France, a country which has historical links with countries in this region, to contribute positively to the political solution of the Kampuchean issue. ===1983=== ====Official dinner in honour of the Rt. Hon. [[Pierre Trudeau|Pierre Elliott Trudeau]], Prime Minister of Canada==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=52 Official dinner in honour of Canadian Prime Minister Pierre Elliott Trudeau, 10 January 1983]</small> *Change and development are integral to any society and nation. The problem that confronts societies and nations, however, is that not all developments are for the better. *Malaysia, within this context, welcomes [[Canada|Canadian]] participation in our current national development endeavours, as outlined in the Fourth Malaysia Plan. *Canada-ASEAN relations can become the model of cooperation between a developed country and a group of developing countries, based on partnership on equal terms and common interest. *[[International law]] and order has truly broken down, giving rise to a situation where might and right is almost synonymous. *What is needed is the full backing of the powerful nations. They must revitalise the Organisation which they had created. *We are quite sure that the prices of all manufactured products that developing countries have to buy will continue to rise even when fuel prices go down. *For Malaysia and other developing countries it is a case of 'heads I lose, tails you win' all the time. *Killing OPEC is likely to result in more [[Mexico|Mexicos]], rather than economic recovery. *The Kampuchea issue, if not resolved peacefully and promptly, will also become a threat to world peace and security as continued foreign occupation of Kampuchea has brought in its wake big power rivalry and involvement. *Malaysia welcomes the setting up of the Coalition Government of Democratic Kampuchea under the Presidency of His Highness Prince Sihanouk as a positive step towards the peaceful resolution of the Kampuchea issue. *We look forward to a world characterised by sincere and constructive partnership and cooperation between the developed and more fortunate countries and the developing and less fortunate ones for their mutual benefit. ====A talk on ethnic relations and nation building at a function organised by the Malaysian Social Science Association==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=18 A talk on ethnic relations and nation building, 12 January 1983]</small> *Science, as we know it, is not value-free. This is more so with social sciences. And certainly, a subject such as ethnic relations, which tends to have an emotional overtone cannot be expected to be presented or analysed with pure objectivity. *To be otherwise is to delude ourselves. It is a reality that we have to accept and live with... societies must learn to cope with ethnic problems if the world and human civilisation is to have a meaningful future. *The multiracial nature of our society is a fact. It is something that every Malaysian must accept, live and cope with. *Malay culture is really a mixed culture in which elements of Chinese and Indian cultures have been absorbed, albeit modified in form. *The task of moulding a common national culture and to integrate people of differing ethnic groups is... much more difficult today than it was before. *The New Economic Policy was conceived with the view to remove the identification of race with economic function. *While elements of the racial cultures of the different ethnic groups are incorporated into the national culture, each race continues to practise its distinct culture in the environment of its own society. *If the cultures of the non-indigenous peoples are made the basis of a Malaysian national culture, then Malaysia would become simply an appendage... of the countries from which those cultures come. *Ethnicity remains a thorn in the Malaysian body, stifling change and progress. But there is no choice for Malaysia and Malaysians. We just have to continue our efforts to bring the different ethnic groups together. *The only choice left to us is to make everyone equally unhappy... even the indigenous people are not getting all that they ask for, and are consequently just as unhappy and dissatisfied. *We know we have difficult periods in front of us, but with care and reduced ethnic overtones, and by channelling our energy to productive uses we can bring our vision to reality. ===1984=== ====Speech at United States==== <small>[https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/remarks-the-president-and-prime-minister-mahathir-bin-mohamad-malaysia-following-their Remarks of the President and Prime Minister Mahathir bin Mohamad of Malaysia Following Their Meetings]</small> *If you were to ask me what is it I would want the United States to do with regard to economic policy, my honest and simple response is for the U.S. economy to get ahead and regain its strength, for the healthier and more vibrant the U.S. economy becomes, the better it will be, not only for the United States and Malaysia but all the developing countries in the world. *We do not expect handouts in our search for a better tomorrow. What we look for are new areas of cooperation and collaboration, particularly in the area of economy and trade interchange to help us in the realization of our aspirations to be a more self-relying and progressive nation. *Where we differ in respect to perception or policy, I'm gratified to note that there is a willingness on the part of the United States to achieve closer understanding and cooperation. *We pledge to continue this friendly and cooperative relationship for mutual benefits. ===2000–present=== * It's quite obvious that when the {{w|Eastern bloc}} was still there, it was a bustle between [[capitalism]] and [[communism]]. Once {{w|Revolutions of 1989|communism was defeated}}, then capitalism could [[Globalization|expand]] and [[Neoliberalism|show its true self]]. It's no longer constrained by the need to be nice, so that people will choose their so-called free-market system as opposed to the centrally planned system. So because of that, nowadays there is nothing to restrain capital, and capital is demanding that it should be able to go anywhere and do whatever it likes. ** [https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/commandingheights/shared/minitext/int_mahathirbinmohamad.html "Commanding Heights"] interview with PBS (2 July 2001). * Clearly Islam the religion is not the cause of [[terrorism]]. Islam, as I said, is a [[religion of peace]]. However through the centuries, deviations from the true teachings of Islam take place. And so [people who call themselves] "Muslims" kill despite the injunction of their religion against killing especially of innocent people. ** Speech <!-- to the UN General Assembly --> in New York City {{cite web |url=http://asiasociety.org/islam-terrorism-and-malaysias-response?page=0,1 |title=Islam, Terrorism, and Malaysia's Response (page 2) |website=Asia Society |date=4 February 2002}} * History should remember Blair and Bush as the killers of children or as the lying prime minister and president. ** [[w:Kuala Lumpur Summit|Perdana conference]], Kuala Lumpur, cited in {{cite news|url=https://www.irishexaminer.com/world/arid-30296556.html|title=Malaysian ex-PM: Blair and Bush are 'evil murderers'|newspaper=Irish Examiner|date=5 October 2007}} * We need an opposition to remind us if we are making mistakes. When you are not opposed you think everything you do is right. ** [http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2005/12/11/nation/12838957&sec=nation ''The Star''] (Malaysian publication, December 2005). * I believe that the country should have a strong government but not too strong. A two-thirds majority like I enjoyed when I was prime minister is sufficient but a 90% majority is too strong. ** December 2005, on his successor [[Abdullah Ahmad Badawi]]'s Parliamentary majority of 92%. [http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2005/12/11/nation/12838957&sec=nation] *I believe that if that bastard leaves, we then won't be bastardised. **in reference to Prime Minister [[Najib Razak]] during [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFd_fCF5CdM a speech at Pasir Gudang] on 29 August 2015. Previously, Najib Razak had warned that Malaysian Malays would be "bastardised" were [[w:UMNO|UMNO]] to lose power in the government, raising controversy by using a swear word (Malay "bangsat", loosely translated as "anus") in his speech. * To be a great leader, one needs to have good strategies, be knowledgeable and able to predict the future. [http://www.malaysiakini.com/news/110479 "Dr M on what makes a great leader"] malaysiakini (13 August 2009) *We call upon all Malaysians, irrespective of race, religion, political situation, creed or parties, young and old, to join us in saving Malaysia from the government headed by Najib Razak. We must rid ourselves of Najib as prime minister. If he’s allowed to go on, the damage will be worse and worse. **Mahathir's move to oust Prime Minister Najib Razak, quote above read from a joint statement endorsed by prominent members from the ruling party, opposition, and civil society groups, quoted on ''Channel News Asia'', [http://www.channelnewsasia.com/news/asiapacific/dr-mahathir-movement-will/2575782.html "Dr Mahathir movement will be bad for country: Malaysia Foreign Affairs Minister"] (5 March 2016). ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} {{commons category|Mahathir Mohamad|Mahathir bin Mohamad}} [[Category:1925 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Prime Ministers of Malaysia]] [[Category:Muslims]] [[Category:Antisemites]] rrgferml5kmn3zq3j6knb3p4g6xfr36 3778560 3778549 2025-07-14T12:48:32Z 2001:D08:E6:D35B:F1C9:BD8D:3173:8E81 3778560 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:PM Mahathir Mohamad gives press statement in Jakarta 2018-06-29.jpg|210px|thumb|Mahathir Mohamad in 2018]] '''[[w:Mahathir Mohamad|Mahathir Mohamad]]''' (born [[10 July]] [[1925]]) is a [[Malaysia|Malaysian]] politician who was the country's Prime Minister from 1981 to 2003 and 2018 to 2020. == Quotes == ===1981=== ====Opening of the ASEAN Travel Forum==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1427 Speech at the opening of the ASEAN Travel Forum, Genting Highlands, 20 October 1981]</small> *The coming together of ASEAN countries for the purpose of creating greater business opportunities for those involved in the tourist industry once again demonstrates ASEAN's determination to foster closer cooperation among member countries. *ASEAN firmly believes in regional cooperation as a means to achieve greater prosperity and stability for our region. *We have the potential to develop a wide variety of attractions within our region and these can indeed be promoted among our own people as well as among international visitors. *Let us put our heads together to evolve ways and means to develop the tourist industry in the ASEAN region. ====Third International Conference of Non-Governmental Organisations on Dadah Use Prevention and Control==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1621 Speech at the Third International Conference of Non-Governmental Organisations on Dadah Use Prevention and Control, Kuala Lumpur, 2 November 1981]</small> *Malaysia, like many other countries, is fully aware of the seriousness and complexity of the global problems of dadah use and substance abuse, and we fully endorse all international efforts, be it governmental or non-governmental, directed towards the eradication of this social menace. *The dadah problem in a sinister way is very democratic in that it does not discriminate against religion, racial descent, or socio-economic background of a person. *Malaysia comprehends the magnitude of the dadah problem. We have accordingly designated it as a security problem. *Insights, understanding and concepts are meaningless and empty unless bold action is taken to ensure results. *For us in Malaysia, the dadah problem is still our number one enemy. As a security problem, it will be given priority. *We cannot allow the expression "everybody’s responsibility is no one’s concern" to be true of dadah prevention. *Dadah is one enemy that we cannot say, "If we cannot fight its abuse, we can join in the abuse." *The obvious answer to the problem is to move on a broad front, to tackle both the underlying and the related dadah problem together. *ASEAN countries, who are both the source and the bearer of the brunt of the international dadah problem, merit greater attention of the world community. *In short, for the sake of future generations, we all have to respond actively, positively and urgently to overcome the dadah problem. ==== Speech at the ASEAN-U.S. Economic Conference ==== [https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1009 Speech at the ASEAN-U.S. Economic Conference, Kuala Lumpur Hilton, 18 November 1981] * What we need today if we are to achieve some semblance of a fair distribution of international wealth is sincerity based on true friendship and a clear understanding of the moral obligations that we all have towards each other. * Our economic policies are based on clear and definite political objectives. If we impose conditions on foreign investors, it is not because we grudge you your profits, but because we have a need to reconcile foreign economic incursions with national aspirations. * The political stability we achieve is, for you, much more worthwhile commercially than the short-term profits you might make. * We do not [[Nationalization|nationalize]], for example. [...] The predictability pertaining to economic policies is our asset. * The ASEAN nations are not intending to compete with the developed countries. Rather they wish to complement. * Malaysia is ruled by [[Conservatism|conservatives]] whose only desire is to develop the country for the benefit of the people. [[Radicalism]] and [[extremism]] has been rejected not only by the Government but also by the people. * We intend to have a firm grip [on inflation] through fiscal and monetary discipline. * I hope that you will take this opportunity to understand this region better and to explore ways and means of establishing better cooperation between American businessmen and financiers with ASEAN's counterparts. ====Speech during Visit to Singapore==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=3 Speech at a Dinner on the Occasion of the Visit to Singapore, 17 December 1981]</small> *An appreciation of differences is as important as the acknowledgement of the common historical and geo-political backgrounds in the fostering of understanding between our two countries. *We can always call up each other, and frankly discuss our mutual problems when they arise. *[[Singapore]]'s success story in the economic and social fields cannot but be a model for Malaysians rather than an object of envy. *What we do within our own country is contributory and complementary towards each other's progress. *The security of the region is the security of Malaysia. *The security apparatus of our two nations continue to cooperate closely against any subversive and criminal elements that could affect our stability even when political leaders are openly squabbling. *We live in a world of instant communication which has spawned instant events, instant interviews and instant comments. *ASEAN has proven to the world to be a viable and cohesive grouping. This credibility has to be sustained. *ASEAN's commitment transcends limited and localised national outlooks, and so renders possible a more daring programme for the future based on a peaceful and stable Southeast Asia. *We do not believe in double standards in the conduct of international relations. *Relations, if it is to be durable, must be based on the mutually accepted norms of equality and respect. There cannot be any compromise on this. *For us to opt for super-power collusion would be submitting ourselves to be pawns in their conflicts and rivalries. *The development of good relationship between our two countries is also a task for the leaders as well as of the people. ===1982=== ====Opening of the 12th ASEAN Economic Ministers Meeting==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=937 Speech at the opening of the 12th ASEAN Economic Ministers Meeting, Kuala Lumpur Hilton, 14 January 1982]</small> *Malaysia’s adherence to the principles of ASEAN cooperation is not altruistic. It is enlightened self-interest. *We cannot prosper alone in a region that is in turmoil and unstable. To prosper we have to have the kind of regional environment that is conducive to economic growth. *ASEAN should inject new ideas in industrial cooperation... the country with the biggest market would enjoy the most benefits even if the product was manufactured by a smaller country. *In industrial complementation, perhaps the private sector should play a more vigorous role. *We are heavily dependent on external services in shipping, and the rising freight charges are an additional burden to the balance of payments of ASEAN countries. *ASEAN as a whole constitutes a major producer of conventional energy such as gas and petroleum. Yet we lack the infrastructure and technology to fully exploit our natural resources. *Despite our disappointment in solving commodity problems, ASEAN should continue to adopt a collective approach and joint efforts in pursuing international economic issues. *ASEAN’s resilience and success serves as a model and shining example to other developing countries on meaningful economic cooperation. ====Opening of the Fourth AIPO General Assembly==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1509 Speech at the opening of the Fourth General Assembly of the ASEAN Inter-Parliamentary Organisation, Parliament House, Kuala Lumpur, 2 February 1982]</small> *We are indeed very happy to have this privilege of hosting the Fourth General Assembly of the ASEAN Inter-Parliamentary Organisation or AIPO. *Despite the various efforts made by us to secure fair terms of trade, we have, we must admit, largely been unsuccessful. *The aspirations of the peoples and Governments of our countries for a New International Economic Order have not only been ignored but their terms of trade continue to be made more inequitable. *We in Southeast Asia have entered an era fraught with unprecedented perils. *The ASEAN Parliament may yet be a forum for the successful coordination of our development and progress. ====Opening of the 5th MAJECA/JAMECA Conference==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=978 Speech at the opening of the 5th Joint Annual Conference of the Malaysia-Japan Economic Association and Japan-Malaysia Economic Association, Kuala Lumpur Hilton, 8 February 1982]</small> *Lately I have been exhorting Malaysians to emulate the Japanese, particularly in work ethics and ethical values. *The West is no longer a suitable model. They have lost their drive. They still want the good life but are not prepared to face the realities of a world market which they can no longer dominate. *When we ask Malaysians to look East, it is not so much your living standard that we are thinking about. That will come... What we are interested in is your work ethics. *It is not just skills we are after, but more importantly, the correct attitude to work, including the sense of belonging, which breeds loyalty. *A prosperous Malaysia will make a better customer and trading partner for [[Japan]]. *It is high time that our businessmen go international and venture to where the markets are, instead of waiting for the markets to come to them. ====Dinner in Honour of Premier Li Jong Ok==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1089 Speech at the dinner in honour of His Excellency Mr. Li Jong Ok, Premier of the Administrative Council of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, Parliament House, Kuala Lumpur, 11 February 1982]</small> *Malaysia has always followed a consistent policy of establishing friendly relations and mutual cooperation with all countries, irrespective of ideology or political systems. *Your Excellency's visit is an important milestone in the development of our bilateral relations. *It is our desire to see the emergence of a coalition government that is truly representative of the people of [[Cambodia|Kampuchea]]. *As non-aligned countries, both the [[North Korea|Democratic People's Republic of Korea]] and Malaysia can play a constructive role in bringing about the peace that we so desire in our respective regions. *Malaysia and the Democratic People's Republic of Korea share similar aspirations... to develop our respective economies and improve the standard of living of our respective peoples. ====Second International Symposium on Savings==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1570 Speech at the Second International Symposium on the Mobilisation of Personal Savings in Developing Countries, Hilton Kuala Lumpur, 15 March 1982]</small> *Our ability to raise adequate domestic savings to finance our development efforts is a necessary precondition, if we are to succeed in re-structuring our economies to cope with the rapid transformation that is taking place in the world economy today. *Despite the talk and widespread publicity on foreign assistance, be they official development aid or foreign direct investment, we have all along been depending on ourselves. *The function of any sound financial system should not only be to intermediate between the savers and the investors, but also to ensure that the less advantaged groups have access to adequate credit at reasonable cost. *The prices of our primary commodities are set by conveniently labelled 'supply and demand forces' located in the industrial countries. *The developing countries must seek ways and means of gaining entree into the market place. They should do so not individually but in cooperation with each other. ====Dinner in Honour of PM Van Agt==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1073 Speech at the dinner in honour of His Excellency Mr. A.A.M. Van Agt, Prime Minister of the Netherlands, Parliament House, Kuala Lumpur, 15 March 1982]</small> *Your Excellency's visit which is the first by a Prime Minister of the Netherlands is indeed an honour for Malaysia. *I have no doubt that your visit will further strengthen the relations and foster greater cooperation between our two countries. *Your support for the aspirations of the developing countries to effect structural changes to the international economic order cannot go without special mention. *Malaysia has of late become disenchanted with what is said to be a free market for commodity trading, particularly tin. *We are urging a producers' association, not in order to jack up prices or to hold the world to ransom, but in order to get fair prices while continuing to stay in the market. *We do hope that actual direct trade with the [[Netherlands]] will increase. *We are happy to see increased interest by [[Dutch people|Dutch]] businessmen in investment opportunities in Malaysia. *We will not nationalise or expropriate in any way. *If your shares or your companies are up for sale then we reserve the right to buy if we think that it is worthwhile. *Malaysia as a member of ASEAN is committed to improve the quality of life of our peoples and to enhance their general well-being. *We have made it clear that we cannot accept military intervention as a means of settling a zonal problem. *We firmly believe that such a solution would pave the way for the realisation of our objective of a Zone of Peace, Freedom and Neutrality in Southeast Asia. *Your visit stimulates not only the common desire to enhance further our bilateral relations but also reinforces the political will and commitment to the search for peace for the benefit of all concerned. *We share identical views on many issues of regional and international importance. ====National Seminar on Productivity==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1289 Speech at the National Seminar on Productivity, Hilton Hotel, Kuala Lumpur, 5 April 1982]</small> *We must face a future where we must stand on our own feet without the benefit of help from other sources. *Productivity means increased output without an equal increase in monetary input. *Work should be enjoyed in the same way that we enjoy playing. *No one is indispensable because everyone is indispensable. *A bored worker is as bad as a bored player. He does not win. A bored worker does not produce. *What we need is a drastic change in attitude on the part of everybody concerned. *The only answer is greater productivity. *Everyone should instill in himself a sense of responsibility both to himself and to his country. *If we can improve our attitudes and regard waste in all its forms as an unforgivable crime directed against ourselves, then we will achieve that high level of productivity so essential to our national development. *Japan’s greatest asset is human resource in the form of disciplined, hard working people. ====1982 Radio Malaysia Election Speech==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=915 Mahathir's 1982 radio address on elections, unity, and governance]</small> *Only a strong Government can champion the cause of the people and bring stability and prosperity to the country. *The National Front is a team. Its strength lies in its team spirit. *We believe that the people who should inherit this country and continue with the struggle to achieve our national aspiration shall be the people who believe and uphold the Rukunegara. ====State Feast in Tonga==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1611 State Feast, Nukuʻalofa, Tonga]</small> *In our interdependent world we have to help and stand by each other. *Today many traditional ways and customs of our forefathers seem to dissipate readily and be discarded. *Stretches of ocean lie between our lands but it is never too far or too difficult for us to keep in touch. ====Commonwealth Science Council Meeting==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=938 12th Meeting of the Commonwealth Science Council, 24 August 1982]</small> * Scientific and technological knowledge like all other forms of knowledge, we believe, increases as you share it with others. * The poor countries need help — not handouts, but a helping hand for their development. * The scientific knowledge and technology of the West cannot be simply imported into the country. It must be properly adjusted and adapted in order to fit into the special needs and requirements of the nation. * We are not about to invent the wheel again, but the application of discoveries and inventions originating elsewhere is part of the exercise in self-reliance. * Only the most primitive of the discarded industries will find a place in the developing world. * Scientific knowledge should be used not merely for material development, but also for the enhancement of the quality of life, and the achievement of peace and harmony. * The community of nations has not yet accepted the principle that the rich should help the poor. * Developing countries are so designated because they are relatively poor. If they are going to be able to buy from the developed countries, they must be helped to attain the financial capacity to do so. ====ASEAN–Japan Symposium==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=979 Speech at the 5th ASEAN–Japan Symposium, 24 August 1982]</small> *ASEAN today is faced with two major problems — one, the instability and uncertainty caused by the situation in Indochina; the second major problem arises out of the current world recession which threatens to retard the industrialisation efforts of the ASEAN countries. *The developed countries have opted for protectionism as a panacea for their ailing industries. If this tendency is not checked, not only would the exports of developing countries be affected but their development and industrialisation efforts would be seriously hampered. *ASEAN would pursue the creation of a Zone of Peace, Freedom and Neutrality in Southeast Asia. The leaders of ASEAN firmly believe that given their freedom from superpower dominance and interference, neighbouring states could successfully set aside their differences to forge a common purpose. *These opportunities were, however, lost when Vietnam intervened militarily and occupied Kampuchea. This she did with the open support of the Soviet Union. *ASEAN's approach to the solution of the Kampuchean problem is aimed at establishing a sovereign, independent and neutral Kampuchea respected and guaranteed by the great powers. *It has long been recognised that the political situation in Southeast Asia, directly or indirectly, impinges on Japan's economic and strategic interests. A prosperous and stable ASEAN is important to the maintenance of peace and stability in the region and therefore merits Japan's support. *Looking East does not mean total Japanization, or a complete break with the West. But it certainly means the almost total dependence on the West will be replaced by a more balanced attitude towards both East and West. *Our ‘Look East’ policy should not just be a one-way traffic. We seek the close cooperation, understanding and assistance not only from the Japanese Government but also from the Japanese public. ====The Presentation and Closing Ceremony of the 27th Asian Film Festival==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1553 Selected quotations from the 27th Asian Film Festival closing speech, 14 September 1982]</small> *Film makers, whether they are producers, directors, script writers, actors and actresses, are endowed with such special qualities that they can contribute in one way or the other towards the happiness of their audience. *They can make the audience happy or they can make them cry. They can make them knowledgeable or they can confuse them absolutely. *Above all they can inculcate positive values so essential to nation building and the development processes. *In the context of developing Malaysia, I see their vast potential in putting across our commitments and reassuring Malaysians of the targets of the nation's strategy in sustaining the growth of a happy and vibrant country as envisaged in our New Economic Policy. *However to be truly profitable local films must be good enough to be shown outside of this country. *Let your success inspire you to greater achievements. ====The Asia Society and the Council of Foreign Relations speech==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1020 Selected quotations from the Asia Society and Council on Foreign Relations speech, 28 September 1982]</small> *The European Economic Community uses economic power to continue political domination. The United States too was drawn into this grouping, thus adding strength to the domination of European countries over their former colonies. *ASEAN is not a strategic concept designed to overawe its neighbours. It was an ad hoc solution to a communications problem between neighbours who were strangers to each other. *Once it was formed, much more was expected of ASEAN than was ever in the minds of the founders. *The five countries of ASEAN are ethnically similar, but historically and politically diverse. *Foreign holdings were forcibly nationalised. But learning from the other ASEAN countries that such was not the route to prosperity, nationalisation was dropped. *All the ASEAN countries are now believers in free trade and free enterprise. Foreign capital is welcome by all. *ASEAN has brought prosperity and stability. Although it is not a military grouping, it can coordinate its policies to deter the kind of adventures that countries standing alone and economically troubled attract. ====The 37th Session of the United Nations General Assembly speech==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=964 Selected quotations from the 37th United Nations General Assembly speech, 29 September 1982]</small> *Might is now the only thing that is right. Weak countries like [[Afghanistan]], Kampuchea and [[Lebanon]] are trodden over by the boots of invading armies as the rest of the world stood by. *The credibility of the [[United Nations]] is at stake. The United Nations must regain its credibility. *The foreign military invasion and continued occupation of Kampuchea is a crime against the Kampuchean people and a threat to regional peace and security. *Nobody, not even a people who had suffered as much as the Jews had, have the right to inflict upon others the horrors of Sabra and Shatila. *[[Israel]] is a bully. If it is any bigger or stronger the world will not be safe. *Those weapons are for nothing less than murder. *To the developing nations, the continuance of the Afghan nationalist struggle is crucial. *Apartheid... is a travesty of justice and is an affront to human dignity. *Our patience and sense of fair-play is being taxed to the limit with the market manipulations abroad which in effect reduce our people to underpaid labourers. *The various exchanges located in the developed countries literally manipulate prices in order to make a profit for the brokers, the dealers, the speculators and others. *It is a case of heads you win, tails I lose. *The stockpile is merely a rich nation’s monopolistic weapon used to depress prices of commodities for the benefit of the consumers. *This world-wide depression is man-made. It is made in the powerful countries by short-sighted people. *There will be violence, riots and revolutions. Governments will fall and anarchy will prevail. *The world has suffered enough from this depression. We need action now. *The uninhabited lands of Antarctica... do not legally belong to the discoverers as much as the colonial territories do not belong to the colonial powers. *Historical episodes are not facts that can substantiate claims. *Israel continues to propagate the myth of the non-existence of the Palestinian people. ====Statement on Regional Economic and Functional Co-operation (CHOGRM III)==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=924 Selected quotations from Mahathir's CHOGRM III speech, Suva, Fiji, 18 October 1982]</small> *We in Malaysia too see the need for the injection of greater assistance to the South Pacific island countries so as to enable them to build up their national resilience and independence. *The Commonwealth is now on test. If the Commonwealth countries in our region cannot actualise economic and functional cooperation, the prestige of the Commonwealth itself will go down. *Some industrially developed nations really feel free to scour and devour the developing nations by their exploitative methods and practices. *They seem incapable of realizing that such libertine activities would only lead to the destruction of the free enterprise system itself. *Our advice to these countries should be that they talk less of their generosity to provide assistance to the poor nations and instead undertake a thorough soul-searching examination. ====State Dinner with Prime Minister Michael Somare of Papua New Guinea==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=17 Papua New Guinea Dinner Speech, 19 October 1982]</small> *The Government of Malaysia fully subscribes to the concept of economic and technical cooperation among developing countries. Malaysians are ready to participate in practical economic and technical programmes with [[Papua New Guinea]]. We are your 'wantoks'. *The spinoffs of better understanding and goodwill from increased contact and cooperation between our peoples will surely strengthen our friendship. *Malaysia is extremely unhappy at the manipulation of commodity prices by the various exchanges located in the developed countries. Scant regard is paid to the producers. To ensure reasonable prices, such an unhealthy system has to be dismantled. ====Opening of the ASEAN Law Association General Assembly==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1463 ASEAN Law Association Speech (26 Oct 1982)]</small> *I believe in the supremacy of the Constitution. The Malaysian Government will faithfully do its duty as guaranteed to minorities, rights guaranteed to the citizen and in some cases to the non-citizen also. The Constitution is not infallible, having been drafted by mere man. Hence the Constitution also provides for its amendment no doubt to make it compatible with changing times. But the conditions for amendments are such that the Constitution cannot be trifled with at will. *No man is above the law, not even those in power. Those in power are in fact trustees and their duty is to promote the public good, not self-enrichment. *During your deliberations it is only proper that as professionals you focus on legal justice. But I would like to point out that apart from legal justice, there are other kinds of justice which are also desirable that we should achieve, and that is economic and social justice. The former [[President of the United States]], Mr. [[Jimmy Carter|Carter]] in a speech to American lawyers said that in the [[United States]] there are many judges and many lawyers but not enough justice. He was referring to legal justice. As head of the Government I am acutely aware of the need to provide the broader kind of justice that I mentioned. *Each of these systems is designed to regulate in a fair manner the relations of man, the relations between man and the State; and prescribes a just way of resolving disputes among them. But each system follows different paths. Your deliberations should over a period of time produce a synthesis of laws for the benefit of the whole of ASEAN. ====Official Dinner Speech in Bangkok with Thai Prime Minister Prem Tinsulanonda==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1334 Mahathir–Prem Official Dinner, Bangkok (8 December 1982)]</small> *As close neighbours, common sense dictates that in our relations with each other there can be no alternative to mutual trust and the willingness to work together in facing our common problems. Indeed, our two countries are also brought together because of our affinity for each other and the many common perceptions we share. *The corner-stone of Malaysia's foreign policy vis-a-vis [[Thailand]] is, and will always be, one of good neighbourliness through mutual assistance and cooperation. *These are troubled times: not only have we to contend with a major world-wide economic recession, but also serious challenges to the peace and stability of our region. It is, therefore, all the more imperative that we continue working together both bilaterally and within the context of ASEAN. *Malaysia will work closely with Thailand for the preservation of peace and stability in the region. *It is through this ASEAN spirit and our commitment to the objectives of ASEAN that today we have in our region an association of nations that we can be justly proud of, for the simple reason that it works. *The motive-force for the success of ASEAN lies in our firm belief in peace and in working together for the prosperity of all in the region. *[[Vietnam]]'s military intervention and continued occupation of Kampuchea represents not only a direct interference in the internal affairs of the country, but a threat to the peace and stability of the whole region. The establishment of the Coalition Government of Democratic Kampuchea headed by His Highness Prince [[Norodom Sihanouk]] is a positive development. ====Official Dinner Speech Honouring French Prime Minister Pierre Mauroy==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1365 Mahathir–Pierre Mauroy Official Dinner, Kuala Lumpur (13 December 1982)]</small> *Your visit to Malaysia, Excellency, is the first ever by a Prime Minister of France. I am confident that your visit will contribute to the strengthening of the existing close ties of friendship and cooperation between our two countries. *While France may not be among Malaysia's major trading partners, she has participated in and contributed to our economic development in the past and continues to do so presently. *In adopting a 'Look East' policy in order to balance foreign influences on our national development, we are not turning our backs on the West completely. The West remains an important partner in our development efforts and French expertise, technology and investment are always welcome. *France... has of late introduced a ruling requiring that all customs import-documents be prepared in French. This is certainly an impediment to a freer flow of trade and constitutes another form of non-tariff barrier. *Imagine the consternation among French exporters if Malaysia were to insist that they must use Bahasa Malaysia in all their documentation. *Trade missions coming to sell goods here should bring along investors as well. We need investment in new projects to support our industrialisation programme. *What we would like to see is an offset programme whereby purchases and contracts are linked with economic reciprocity of one kind or another. *To achieve this objective of regional peace and stability, Malaysia, together with her partners in ASEAN, declared their resolve to make Southeast Asia a Zone of Peace, Freedom and Neutrality (ZOPFAN). *Our relations with countries of the region and beyond are based on the principles of respect for one another's independence, sovereignty and territorial integrity, non-interference in each other's internal affairs and non-use of force or threat of use of force. *The protraction of the situation in Kampuchea continues to pose a serious threat to regional peace and stability besides encouraging outside involvement and interference in the region. The formation of the Coalition Government of Democratic Kampuchea under the Presidency of His Highness Prince Norodom Sihanouk is a welcome development towards achieving such a negotiated political settlement of the Kampuchean issue. *Towards this end, we would urge that France, a country which has historical links with countries in this region, to contribute positively to the political solution of the Kampuchean issue. ===1983=== ====Official dinner in honour of the Rt. Hon. [[Pierre Trudeau|Pierre Elliott Trudeau]], Prime Minister of Canada==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=52 Official dinner in honour of Canadian Prime Minister Pierre Elliott Trudeau, 10 January 1983]</small> *Change and development are integral to any society and nation. The problem that confronts societies and nations, however, is that not all developments are for the better. *Malaysia, within this context, welcomes [[Canada|Canadian]] participation in our current national development endeavours, as outlined in the Fourth Malaysia Plan. *Canada-ASEAN relations can become the model of cooperation between a developed country and a group of developing countries, based on partnership on equal terms and common interest. *[[International law]] and order has truly broken down, giving rise to a situation where might and right is almost synonymous. *What is needed is the full backing of the powerful nations. They must revitalise the Organisation which they had created. *We are quite sure that the prices of all manufactured products that developing countries have to buy will continue to rise even when fuel prices go down. *For Malaysia and other developing countries it is a case of 'heads I lose, tails you win' all the time. *Killing OPEC is likely to result in more [[Mexico|Mexicos]], rather than economic recovery. *The Kampuchea issue, if not resolved peacefully and promptly, will also become a threat to world peace and security as continued foreign occupation of Kampuchea has brought in its wake big power rivalry and involvement. *Malaysia welcomes the setting up of the Coalition Government of Democratic Kampuchea under the Presidency of His Highness Prince Sihanouk as a positive step towards the peaceful resolution of the Kampuchea issue. *We look forward to a world characterised by sincere and constructive partnership and cooperation between the developed and more fortunate countries and the developing and less fortunate ones for their mutual benefit. ====A talk on ethnic relations and nation building at a function organised by the Malaysian Social Science Association==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=18 A talk on ethnic relations and nation building, 12 January 1983]</small> *Science, as we know it, is not value-free. This is more so with social sciences. And certainly, a subject such as ethnic relations, which tends to have an emotional overtone cannot be expected to be presented or analysed with pure objectivity. *To be otherwise is to delude ourselves. It is a reality that we have to accept and live with... societies must learn to cope with ethnic problems if the world and human civilisation is to have a meaningful future. *The multiracial nature of our society is a fact. It is something that every Malaysian must accept, live and cope with. *Malay culture is really a mixed culture in which elements of Chinese and Indian cultures have been absorbed, albeit modified in form. *The task of moulding a common national culture and to integrate people of differing ethnic groups is... much more difficult today than it was before. *The New Economic Policy was conceived with the view to remove the identification of race with economic function. *While elements of the racial cultures of the different ethnic groups are incorporated into the national culture, each race continues to practise its distinct culture in the environment of its own society. *If the cultures of the non-indigenous peoples are made the basis of a Malaysian national culture, then Malaysia would become simply an appendage... of the countries from which those cultures come. *Ethnicity remains a thorn in the Malaysian body, stifling change and progress. But there is no choice for Malaysia and Malaysians. We just have to continue our efforts to bring the different ethnic groups together. *The only choice left to us is to make everyone equally unhappy... even the indigenous people are not getting all that they ask for, and are consequently just as unhappy and dissatisfied. *We know we have difficult periods in front of us, but with care and reduced ethnic overtones, and by channelling our energy to productive uses we can bring our vision to reality. ====Opening of the 7th Malaysian Economic Convention==== ===1984=== ====Speech at United States==== <small>[https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/remarks-the-president-and-prime-minister-mahathir-bin-mohamad-malaysia-following-their Remarks of the President and Prime Minister Mahathir bin Mohamad of Malaysia Following Their Meetings]</small> *If you were to ask me what is it I would want the United States to do with regard to economic policy, my honest and simple response is for the U.S. economy to get ahead and regain its strength, for the healthier and more vibrant the U.S. economy becomes, the better it will be, not only for the United States and Malaysia but all the developing countries in the world. *We do not expect handouts in our search for a better tomorrow. What we look for are new areas of cooperation and collaboration, particularly in the area of economy and trade interchange to help us in the realization of our aspirations to be a more self-relying and progressive nation. *Where we differ in respect to perception or policy, I'm gratified to note that there is a willingness on the part of the United States to achieve closer understanding and cooperation. *We pledge to continue this friendly and cooperative relationship for mutual benefits. ===2000–present=== * It's quite obvious that when the {{w|Eastern bloc}} was still there, it was a bustle between [[capitalism]] and [[communism]]. Once {{w|Revolutions of 1989|communism was defeated}}, then capitalism could [[Globalization|expand]] and [[Neoliberalism|show its true self]]. It's no longer constrained by the need to be nice, so that people will choose their so-called free-market system as opposed to the centrally planned system. So because of that, nowadays there is nothing to restrain capital, and capital is demanding that it should be able to go anywhere and do whatever it likes. ** [https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/commandingheights/shared/minitext/int_mahathirbinmohamad.html "Commanding Heights"] interview with PBS (2 July 2001). * Clearly Islam the religion is not the cause of [[terrorism]]. Islam, as I said, is a [[religion of peace]]. However through the centuries, deviations from the true teachings of Islam take place. And so [people who call themselves] "Muslims" kill despite the injunction of their religion against killing especially of innocent people. ** Speech <!-- to the UN General Assembly --> in New York City {{cite web |url=http://asiasociety.org/islam-terrorism-and-malaysias-response?page=0,1 |title=Islam, Terrorism, and Malaysia's Response (page 2) |website=Asia Society |date=4 February 2002}} * History should remember Blair and Bush as the killers of children or as the lying prime minister and president. ** [[w:Kuala Lumpur Summit|Perdana conference]], Kuala Lumpur, cited in {{cite news|url=https://www.irishexaminer.com/world/arid-30296556.html|title=Malaysian ex-PM: Blair and Bush are 'evil murderers'|newspaper=Irish Examiner|date=5 October 2007}} * We need an opposition to remind us if we are making mistakes. When you are not opposed you think everything you do is right. ** [http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2005/12/11/nation/12838957&sec=nation ''The Star''] (Malaysian publication, December 2005). * I believe that the country should have a strong government but not too strong. A two-thirds majority like I enjoyed when I was prime minister is sufficient but a 90% majority is too strong. ** December 2005, on his successor [[Abdullah Ahmad Badawi]]'s Parliamentary majority of 92%. [http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2005/12/11/nation/12838957&sec=nation] *I believe that if that bastard leaves, we then won't be bastardised. **in reference to Prime Minister [[Najib Razak]] during [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFd_fCF5CdM a speech at Pasir Gudang] on 29 August 2015. Previously, Najib Razak had warned that Malaysian Malays would be "bastardised" were [[w:UMNO|UMNO]] to lose power in the government, raising controversy by using a swear word (Malay "bangsat", loosely translated as "anus") in his speech. * To be a great leader, one needs to have good strategies, be knowledgeable and able to predict the future. [http://www.malaysiakini.com/news/110479 "Dr M on what makes a great leader"] malaysiakini (13 August 2009) *We call upon all Malaysians, irrespective of race, religion, political situation, creed or parties, young and old, to join us in saving Malaysia from the government headed by Najib Razak. We must rid ourselves of Najib as prime minister. If he’s allowed to go on, the damage will be worse and worse. **Mahathir's move to oust Prime Minister Najib Razak, quote above read from a joint statement endorsed by prominent members from the ruling party, opposition, and civil society groups, quoted on ''Channel News Asia'', [http://www.channelnewsasia.com/news/asiapacific/dr-mahathir-movement-will/2575782.html "Dr Mahathir movement will be bad for country: Malaysia Foreign Affairs Minister"] (5 March 2016). ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} {{commons category|Mahathir Mohamad|Mahathir bin Mohamad}} [[Category:1925 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Prime Ministers of Malaysia]] [[Category:Muslims]] [[Category:Antisemites]] rw03wbu7trcoeattc4jyz48g60kmnl0 3778623 3778560 2025-07-14T12:55:55Z 14.192.214.94 /* Opening of the 7th Malaysian Economic Convention */ 3778623 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:PM Mahathir Mohamad gives press statement in Jakarta 2018-06-29.jpg|210px|thumb|Mahathir Mohamad in 2018]] '''[[w:Mahathir Mohamad|Mahathir Mohamad]]''' (born [[10 July]] [[1925]]) is a [[Malaysia|Malaysian]] politician who was the country's Prime Minister from 1981 to 2003 and 2018 to 2020. == Quotes == ===1981=== ====Opening of the ASEAN Travel Forum==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1427 Speech at the opening of the ASEAN Travel Forum, Genting Highlands, 20 October 1981]</small> *The coming together of ASEAN countries for the purpose of creating greater business opportunities for those involved in the tourist industry once again demonstrates ASEAN's determination to foster closer cooperation among member countries. *ASEAN firmly believes in regional cooperation as a means to achieve greater prosperity and stability for our region. *We have the potential to develop a wide variety of attractions within our region and these can indeed be promoted among our own people as well as among international visitors. *Let us put our heads together to evolve ways and means to develop the tourist industry in the ASEAN region. ====Third International Conference of Non-Governmental Organisations on Dadah Use Prevention and Control==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1621 Speech at the Third International Conference of Non-Governmental Organisations on Dadah Use Prevention and Control, Kuala Lumpur, 2 November 1981]</small> *Malaysia, like many other countries, is fully aware of the seriousness and complexity of the global problems of dadah use and substance abuse, and we fully endorse all international efforts, be it governmental or non-governmental, directed towards the eradication of this social menace. *The dadah problem in a sinister way is very democratic in that it does not discriminate against religion, racial descent, or socio-economic background of a person. *Malaysia comprehends the magnitude of the dadah problem. We have accordingly designated it as a security problem. *Insights, understanding and concepts are meaningless and empty unless bold action is taken to ensure results. *For us in Malaysia, the dadah problem is still our number one enemy. As a security problem, it will be given priority. *We cannot allow the expression "everybody’s responsibility is no one’s concern" to be true of dadah prevention. *Dadah is one enemy that we cannot say, "If we cannot fight its abuse, we can join in the abuse." *The obvious answer to the problem is to move on a broad front, to tackle both the underlying and the related dadah problem together. *ASEAN countries, who are both the source and the bearer of the brunt of the international dadah problem, merit greater attention of the world community. *In short, for the sake of future generations, we all have to respond actively, positively and urgently to overcome the dadah problem. ==== Speech at the ASEAN-U.S. Economic Conference ==== [https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1009 Speech at the ASEAN-U.S. Economic Conference, Kuala Lumpur Hilton, 18 November 1981] * What we need today if we are to achieve some semblance of a fair distribution of international wealth is sincerity based on true friendship and a clear understanding of the moral obligations that we all have towards each other. * Our economic policies are based on clear and definite political objectives. If we impose conditions on foreign investors, it is not because we grudge you your profits, but because we have a need to reconcile foreign economic incursions with national aspirations. * The political stability we achieve is, for you, much more worthwhile commercially than the short-term profits you might make. * We do not [[Nationalization|nationalize]], for example. [...] The predictability pertaining to economic policies is our asset. * The ASEAN nations are not intending to compete with the developed countries. Rather they wish to complement. * Malaysia is ruled by [[Conservatism|conservatives]] whose only desire is to develop the country for the benefit of the people. [[Radicalism]] and [[extremism]] has been rejected not only by the Government but also by the people. * We intend to have a firm grip [on inflation] through fiscal and monetary discipline. * I hope that you will take this opportunity to understand this region better and to explore ways and means of establishing better cooperation between American businessmen and financiers with ASEAN's counterparts. ====Speech during Visit to Singapore==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=3 Speech at a Dinner on the Occasion of the Visit to Singapore, 17 December 1981]</small> *An appreciation of differences is as important as the acknowledgement of the common historical and geo-political backgrounds in the fostering of understanding between our two countries. *We can always call up each other, and frankly discuss our mutual problems when they arise. *[[Singapore]]'s success story in the economic and social fields cannot but be a model for Malaysians rather than an object of envy. *What we do within our own country is contributory and complementary towards each other's progress. *The security of the region is the security of Malaysia. *The security apparatus of our two nations continue to cooperate closely against any subversive and criminal elements that could affect our stability even when political leaders are openly squabbling. *We live in a world of instant communication which has spawned instant events, instant interviews and instant comments. *ASEAN has proven to the world to be a viable and cohesive grouping. This credibility has to be sustained. *ASEAN's commitment transcends limited and localised national outlooks, and so renders possible a more daring programme for the future based on a peaceful and stable Southeast Asia. *We do not believe in double standards in the conduct of international relations. *Relations, if it is to be durable, must be based on the mutually accepted norms of equality and respect. There cannot be any compromise on this. *For us to opt for super-power collusion would be submitting ourselves to be pawns in their conflicts and rivalries. *The development of good relationship between our two countries is also a task for the leaders as well as of the people. ===1982=== ====Opening of the 12th ASEAN Economic Ministers Meeting==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=937 Speech at the opening of the 12th ASEAN Economic Ministers Meeting, Kuala Lumpur Hilton, 14 January 1982]</small> *Malaysia’s adherence to the principles of ASEAN cooperation is not altruistic. It is enlightened self-interest. *We cannot prosper alone in a region that is in turmoil and unstable. To prosper we have to have the kind of regional environment that is conducive to economic growth. *ASEAN should inject new ideas in industrial cooperation... the country with the biggest market would enjoy the most benefits even if the product was manufactured by a smaller country. *In industrial complementation, perhaps the private sector should play a more vigorous role. *We are heavily dependent on external services in shipping, and the rising freight charges are an additional burden to the balance of payments of ASEAN countries. *ASEAN as a whole constitutes a major producer of conventional energy such as gas and petroleum. Yet we lack the infrastructure and technology to fully exploit our natural resources. *Despite our disappointment in solving commodity problems, ASEAN should continue to adopt a collective approach and joint efforts in pursuing international economic issues. *ASEAN’s resilience and success serves as a model and shining example to other developing countries on meaningful economic cooperation. ====Opening of the Fourth AIPO General Assembly==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1509 Speech at the opening of the Fourth General Assembly of the ASEAN Inter-Parliamentary Organisation, Parliament House, Kuala Lumpur, 2 February 1982]</small> *We are indeed very happy to have this privilege of hosting the Fourth General Assembly of the ASEAN Inter-Parliamentary Organisation or AIPO. *Despite the various efforts made by us to secure fair terms of trade, we have, we must admit, largely been unsuccessful. *The aspirations of the peoples and Governments of our countries for a New International Economic Order have not only been ignored but their terms of trade continue to be made more inequitable. *We in Southeast Asia have entered an era fraught with unprecedented perils. *The ASEAN Parliament may yet be a forum for the successful coordination of our development and progress. ====Opening of the 5th MAJECA/JAMECA Conference==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=978 Speech at the opening of the 5th Joint Annual Conference of the Malaysia-Japan Economic Association and Japan-Malaysia Economic Association, Kuala Lumpur Hilton, 8 February 1982]</small> *Lately I have been exhorting Malaysians to emulate the Japanese, particularly in work ethics and ethical values. *The West is no longer a suitable model. They have lost their drive. They still want the good life but are not prepared to face the realities of a world market which they can no longer dominate. *When we ask Malaysians to look East, it is not so much your living standard that we are thinking about. That will come... What we are interested in is your work ethics. *It is not just skills we are after, but more importantly, the correct attitude to work, including the sense of belonging, which breeds loyalty. *A prosperous Malaysia will make a better customer and trading partner for [[Japan]]. *It is high time that our businessmen go international and venture to where the markets are, instead of waiting for the markets to come to them. ====Dinner in Honour of Premier Li Jong Ok==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1089 Speech at the dinner in honour of His Excellency Mr. Li Jong Ok, Premier of the Administrative Council of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, Parliament House, Kuala Lumpur, 11 February 1982]</small> *Malaysia has always followed a consistent policy of establishing friendly relations and mutual cooperation with all countries, irrespective of ideology or political systems. *Your Excellency's visit is an important milestone in the development of our bilateral relations. *It is our desire to see the emergence of a coalition government that is truly representative of the people of [[Cambodia|Kampuchea]]. *As non-aligned countries, both the [[North Korea|Democratic People's Republic of Korea]] and Malaysia can play a constructive role in bringing about the peace that we so desire in our respective regions. *Malaysia and the Democratic People's Republic of Korea share similar aspirations... to develop our respective economies and improve the standard of living of our respective peoples. ====Second International Symposium on Savings==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1570 Speech at the Second International Symposium on the Mobilisation of Personal Savings in Developing Countries, Hilton Kuala Lumpur, 15 March 1982]</small> *Our ability to raise adequate domestic savings to finance our development efforts is a necessary precondition, if we are to succeed in re-structuring our economies to cope with the rapid transformation that is taking place in the world economy today. *Despite the talk and widespread publicity on foreign assistance, be they official development aid or foreign direct investment, we have all along been depending on ourselves. *The function of any sound financial system should not only be to intermediate between the savers and the investors, but also to ensure that the less advantaged groups have access to adequate credit at reasonable cost. *The prices of our primary commodities are set by conveniently labelled 'supply and demand forces' located in the industrial countries. *The developing countries must seek ways and means of gaining entree into the market place. They should do so not individually but in cooperation with each other. ====Dinner in Honour of PM Van Agt==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1073 Speech at the dinner in honour of His Excellency Mr. A.A.M. Van Agt, Prime Minister of the Netherlands, Parliament House, Kuala Lumpur, 15 March 1982]</small> *Your Excellency's visit which is the first by a Prime Minister of the Netherlands is indeed an honour for Malaysia. *I have no doubt that your visit will further strengthen the relations and foster greater cooperation between our two countries. *Your support for the aspirations of the developing countries to effect structural changes to the international economic order cannot go without special mention. *Malaysia has of late become disenchanted with what is said to be a free market for commodity trading, particularly tin. *We are urging a producers' association, not in order to jack up prices or to hold the world to ransom, but in order to get fair prices while continuing to stay in the market. *We do hope that actual direct trade with the [[Netherlands]] will increase. *We are happy to see increased interest by [[Dutch people|Dutch]] businessmen in investment opportunities in Malaysia. *We will not nationalise or expropriate in any way. *If your shares or your companies are up for sale then we reserve the right to buy if we think that it is worthwhile. *Malaysia as a member of ASEAN is committed to improve the quality of life of our peoples and to enhance their general well-being. *We have made it clear that we cannot accept military intervention as a means of settling a zonal problem. *We firmly believe that such a solution would pave the way for the realisation of our objective of a Zone of Peace, Freedom and Neutrality in Southeast Asia. *Your visit stimulates not only the common desire to enhance further our bilateral relations but also reinforces the political will and commitment to the search for peace for the benefit of all concerned. *We share identical views on many issues of regional and international importance. ====National Seminar on Productivity==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1289 Speech at the National Seminar on Productivity, Hilton Hotel, Kuala Lumpur, 5 April 1982]</small> *We must face a future where we must stand on our own feet without the benefit of help from other sources. *Productivity means increased output without an equal increase in monetary input. *Work should be enjoyed in the same way that we enjoy playing. *No one is indispensable because everyone is indispensable. *A bored worker is as bad as a bored player. He does not win. A bored worker does not produce. *What we need is a drastic change in attitude on the part of everybody concerned. *The only answer is greater productivity. *Everyone should instill in himself a sense of responsibility both to himself and to his country. *If we can improve our attitudes and regard waste in all its forms as an unforgivable crime directed against ourselves, then we will achieve that high level of productivity so essential to our national development. *Japan’s greatest asset is human resource in the form of disciplined, hard working people. ====1982 Radio Malaysia Election Speech==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=915 Mahathir's 1982 radio address on elections, unity, and governance]</small> *Only a strong Government can champion the cause of the people and bring stability and prosperity to the country. *The National Front is a team. Its strength lies in its team spirit. *We believe that the people who should inherit this country and continue with the struggle to achieve our national aspiration shall be the people who believe and uphold the Rukunegara. ====State Feast in Tonga==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1611 State Feast, Nukuʻalofa, Tonga]</small> *In our interdependent world we have to help and stand by each other. *Today many traditional ways and customs of our forefathers seem to dissipate readily and be discarded. *Stretches of ocean lie between our lands but it is never too far or too difficult for us to keep in touch. ====Commonwealth Science Council Meeting==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=938 12th Meeting of the Commonwealth Science Council, 24 August 1982]</small> * Scientific and technological knowledge like all other forms of knowledge, we believe, increases as you share it with others. * The poor countries need help — not handouts, but a helping hand for their development. * The scientific knowledge and technology of the West cannot be simply imported into the country. It must be properly adjusted and adapted in order to fit into the special needs and requirements of the nation. * We are not about to invent the wheel again, but the application of discoveries and inventions originating elsewhere is part of the exercise in self-reliance. * Only the most primitive of the discarded industries will find a place in the developing world. * Scientific knowledge should be used not merely for material development, but also for the enhancement of the quality of life, and the achievement of peace and harmony. * The community of nations has not yet accepted the principle that the rich should help the poor. * Developing countries are so designated because they are relatively poor. If they are going to be able to buy from the developed countries, they must be helped to attain the financial capacity to do so. ====ASEAN–Japan Symposium==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=979 Speech at the 5th ASEAN–Japan Symposium, 24 August 1982]</small> *ASEAN today is faced with two major problems — one, the instability and uncertainty caused by the situation in Indochina; the second major problem arises out of the current world recession which threatens to retard the industrialisation efforts of the ASEAN countries. *The developed countries have opted for protectionism as a panacea for their ailing industries. If this tendency is not checked, not only would the exports of developing countries be affected but their development and industrialisation efforts would be seriously hampered. *ASEAN would pursue the creation of a Zone of Peace, Freedom and Neutrality in Southeast Asia. The leaders of ASEAN firmly believe that given their freedom from superpower dominance and interference, neighbouring states could successfully set aside their differences to forge a common purpose. *These opportunities were, however, lost when Vietnam intervened militarily and occupied Kampuchea. This she did with the open support of the Soviet Union. *ASEAN's approach to the solution of the Kampuchean problem is aimed at establishing a sovereign, independent and neutral Kampuchea respected and guaranteed by the great powers. *It has long been recognised that the political situation in Southeast Asia, directly or indirectly, impinges on Japan's economic and strategic interests. A prosperous and stable ASEAN is important to the maintenance of peace and stability in the region and therefore merits Japan's support. *Looking East does not mean total Japanization, or a complete break with the West. But it certainly means the almost total dependence on the West will be replaced by a more balanced attitude towards both East and West. *Our ‘Look East’ policy should not just be a one-way traffic. We seek the close cooperation, understanding and assistance not only from the Japanese Government but also from the Japanese public. ====The Presentation and Closing Ceremony of the 27th Asian Film Festival==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1553 Selected quotations from the 27th Asian Film Festival closing speech, 14 September 1982]</small> *Film makers, whether they are producers, directors, script writers, actors and actresses, are endowed with such special qualities that they can contribute in one way or the other towards the happiness of their audience. *They can make the audience happy or they can make them cry. They can make them knowledgeable or they can confuse them absolutely. *Above all they can inculcate positive values so essential to nation building and the development processes. *In the context of developing Malaysia, I see their vast potential in putting across our commitments and reassuring Malaysians of the targets of the nation's strategy in sustaining the growth of a happy and vibrant country as envisaged in our New Economic Policy. *However to be truly profitable local films must be good enough to be shown outside of this country. *Let your success inspire you to greater achievements. ====The Asia Society and the Council of Foreign Relations speech==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1020 Selected quotations from the Asia Society and Council on Foreign Relations speech, 28 September 1982]</small> *The European Economic Community uses economic power to continue political domination. The United States too was drawn into this grouping, thus adding strength to the domination of European countries over their former colonies. *ASEAN is not a strategic concept designed to overawe its neighbours. It was an ad hoc solution to a communications problem between neighbours who were strangers to each other. *Once it was formed, much more was expected of ASEAN than was ever in the minds of the founders. *The five countries of ASEAN are ethnically similar, but historically and politically diverse. *Foreign holdings were forcibly nationalised. But learning from the other ASEAN countries that such was not the route to prosperity, nationalisation was dropped. *All the ASEAN countries are now believers in free trade and free enterprise. Foreign capital is welcome by all. *ASEAN has brought prosperity and stability. Although it is not a military grouping, it can coordinate its policies to deter the kind of adventures that countries standing alone and economically troubled attract. ====The 37th Session of the United Nations General Assembly speech==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=964 Selected quotations from the 37th United Nations General Assembly speech, 29 September 1982]</small> *Might is now the only thing that is right. Weak countries like [[Afghanistan]], Kampuchea and [[Lebanon]] are trodden over by the boots of invading armies as the rest of the world stood by. *The credibility of the [[United Nations]] is at stake. The United Nations must regain its credibility. *The foreign military invasion and continued occupation of Kampuchea is a crime against the Kampuchean people and a threat to regional peace and security. *Nobody, not even a people who had suffered as much as the Jews had, have the right to inflict upon others the horrors of Sabra and Shatila. *[[Israel]] is a bully. If it is any bigger or stronger the world will not be safe. *Those weapons are for nothing less than murder. *To the developing nations, the continuance of the Afghan nationalist struggle is crucial. *Apartheid... is a travesty of justice and is an affront to human dignity. *Our patience and sense of fair-play is being taxed to the limit with the market manipulations abroad which in effect reduce our people to underpaid labourers. *The various exchanges located in the developed countries literally manipulate prices in order to make a profit for the brokers, the dealers, the speculators and others. *It is a case of heads you win, tails I lose. *The stockpile is merely a rich nation’s monopolistic weapon used to depress prices of commodities for the benefit of the consumers. *This world-wide depression is man-made. It is made in the powerful countries by short-sighted people. *There will be violence, riots and revolutions. Governments will fall and anarchy will prevail. *The world has suffered enough from this depression. We need action now. *The uninhabited lands of Antarctica... do not legally belong to the discoverers as much as the colonial territories do not belong to the colonial powers. *Historical episodes are not facts that can substantiate claims. *Israel continues to propagate the myth of the non-existence of the Palestinian people. ====Statement on Regional Economic and Functional Co-operation (CHOGRM III)==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=924 Selected quotations from Mahathir's CHOGRM III speech, Suva, Fiji, 18 October 1982]</small> *We in Malaysia too see the need for the injection of greater assistance to the South Pacific island countries so as to enable them to build up their national resilience and independence. *The Commonwealth is now on test. If the Commonwealth countries in our region cannot actualise economic and functional cooperation, the prestige of the Commonwealth itself will go down. *Some industrially developed nations really feel free to scour and devour the developing nations by their exploitative methods and practices. *They seem incapable of realizing that such libertine activities would only lead to the destruction of the free enterprise system itself. *Our advice to these countries should be that they talk less of their generosity to provide assistance to the poor nations and instead undertake a thorough soul-searching examination. ====State Dinner with Prime Minister Michael Somare of Papua New Guinea==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=17 Papua New Guinea Dinner Speech, 19 October 1982]</small> *The Government of Malaysia fully subscribes to the concept of economic and technical cooperation among developing countries. Malaysians are ready to participate in practical economic and technical programmes with [[Papua New Guinea]]. We are your 'wantoks'. *The spinoffs of better understanding and goodwill from increased contact and cooperation between our peoples will surely strengthen our friendship. *Malaysia is extremely unhappy at the manipulation of commodity prices by the various exchanges located in the developed countries. Scant regard is paid to the producers. To ensure reasonable prices, such an unhealthy system has to be dismantled. ====Opening of the ASEAN Law Association General Assembly==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1463 ASEAN Law Association Speech (26 Oct 1982)]</small> *I believe in the supremacy of the Constitution. The Malaysian Government will faithfully do its duty as guaranteed to minorities, rights guaranteed to the citizen and in some cases to the non-citizen also. The Constitution is not infallible, having been drafted by mere man. Hence the Constitution also provides for its amendment no doubt to make it compatible with changing times. But the conditions for amendments are such that the Constitution cannot be trifled with at will. *No man is above the law, not even those in power. Those in power are in fact trustees and their duty is to promote the public good, not self-enrichment. *During your deliberations it is only proper that as professionals you focus on legal justice. But I would like to point out that apart from legal justice, there are other kinds of justice which are also desirable that we should achieve, and that is economic and social justice. The former [[President of the United States]], Mr. [[Jimmy Carter|Carter]] in a speech to American lawyers said that in the [[United States]] there are many judges and many lawyers but not enough justice. He was referring to legal justice. As head of the Government I am acutely aware of the need to provide the broader kind of justice that I mentioned. *Each of these systems is designed to regulate in a fair manner the relations of man, the relations between man and the State; and prescribes a just way of resolving disputes among them. But each system follows different paths. Your deliberations should over a period of time produce a synthesis of laws for the benefit of the whole of ASEAN. ====Official Dinner Speech in Bangkok with Thai Prime Minister Prem Tinsulanonda==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1334 Mahathir–Prem Official Dinner, Bangkok (8 December 1982)]</small> *As close neighbours, common sense dictates that in our relations with each other there can be no alternative to mutual trust and the willingness to work together in facing our common problems. Indeed, our two countries are also brought together because of our affinity for each other and the many common perceptions we share. *The corner-stone of Malaysia's foreign policy vis-a-vis [[Thailand]] is, and will always be, one of good neighbourliness through mutual assistance and cooperation. *These are troubled times: not only have we to contend with a major world-wide economic recession, but also serious challenges to the peace and stability of our region. It is, therefore, all the more imperative that we continue working together both bilaterally and within the context of ASEAN. *Malaysia will work closely with Thailand for the preservation of peace and stability in the region. *It is through this ASEAN spirit and our commitment to the objectives of ASEAN that today we have in our region an association of nations that we can be justly proud of, for the simple reason that it works. *The motive-force for the success of ASEAN lies in our firm belief in peace and in working together for the prosperity of all in the region. *[[Vietnam]]'s military intervention and continued occupation of Kampuchea represents not only a direct interference in the internal affairs of the country, but a threat to the peace and stability of the whole region. The establishment of the Coalition Government of Democratic Kampuchea headed by His Highness Prince [[Norodom Sihanouk]] is a positive development. ====Official Dinner Speech Honouring French Prime Minister Pierre Mauroy==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1365 Mahathir–Pierre Mauroy Official Dinner, Kuala Lumpur (13 December 1982)]</small> *Your visit to Malaysia, Excellency, is the first ever by a Prime Minister of France. I am confident that your visit will contribute to the strengthening of the existing close ties of friendship and cooperation between our two countries. *While France may not be among Malaysia's major trading partners, she has participated in and contributed to our economic development in the past and continues to do so presently. *In adopting a 'Look East' policy in order to balance foreign influences on our national development, we are not turning our backs on the West completely. The West remains an important partner in our development efforts and French expertise, technology and investment are always welcome. *France... has of late introduced a ruling requiring that all customs import-documents be prepared in French. This is certainly an impediment to a freer flow of trade and constitutes another form of non-tariff barrier. *Imagine the consternation among French exporters if Malaysia were to insist that they must use Bahasa Malaysia in all their documentation. *Trade missions coming to sell goods here should bring along investors as well. We need investment in new projects to support our industrialisation programme. *What we would like to see is an offset programme whereby purchases and contracts are linked with economic reciprocity of one kind or another. *To achieve this objective of regional peace and stability, Malaysia, together with her partners in ASEAN, declared their resolve to make Southeast Asia a Zone of Peace, Freedom and Neutrality (ZOPFAN). *Our relations with countries of the region and beyond are based on the principles of respect for one another's independence, sovereignty and territorial integrity, non-interference in each other's internal affairs and non-use of force or threat of use of force. *The protraction of the situation in Kampuchea continues to pose a serious threat to regional peace and stability besides encouraging outside involvement and interference in the region. The formation of the Coalition Government of Democratic Kampuchea under the Presidency of His Highness Prince Norodom Sihanouk is a welcome development towards achieving such a negotiated political settlement of the Kampuchean issue. *Towards this end, we would urge that France, a country which has historical links with countries in this region, to contribute positively to the political solution of the Kampuchean issue. ===1983=== ====Official dinner in honour of the Rt. Hon. [[Pierre Trudeau|Pierre Elliott Trudeau]], Prime Minister of Canada==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=52 Official dinner in honour of Canadian Prime Minister Pierre Elliott Trudeau, 10 January 1983]</small> *Change and development are integral to any society and nation. The problem that confronts societies and nations, however, is that not all developments are for the better. *Malaysia, within this context, welcomes [[Canada|Canadian]] participation in our current national development endeavours, as outlined in the Fourth Malaysia Plan. *Canada-ASEAN relations can become the model of cooperation between a developed country and a group of developing countries, based on partnership on equal terms and common interest. *[[International law]] and order has truly broken down, giving rise to a situation where might and right is almost synonymous. *What is needed is the full backing of the powerful nations. They must revitalise the Organisation which they had created. *We are quite sure that the prices of all manufactured products that developing countries have to buy will continue to rise even when fuel prices go down. *For Malaysia and other developing countries it is a case of 'heads I lose, tails you win' all the time. *Killing OPEC is likely to result in more [[Mexico|Mexicos]], rather than economic recovery. *The Kampuchea issue, if not resolved peacefully and promptly, will also become a threat to world peace and security as continued foreign occupation of Kampuchea has brought in its wake big power rivalry and involvement. *Malaysia welcomes the setting up of the Coalition Government of Democratic Kampuchea under the Presidency of His Highness Prince Sihanouk as a positive step towards the peaceful resolution of the Kampuchea issue. *We look forward to a world characterised by sincere and constructive partnership and cooperation between the developed and more fortunate countries and the developing and less fortunate ones for their mutual benefit. ====A talk on ethnic relations and nation building at a function organised by the Malaysian Social Science Association==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=18 A talk on ethnic relations and nation building, 12 January 1983]</small> *Science, as we know it, is not value-free. This is more so with social sciences. And certainly, a subject such as ethnic relations, which tends to have an emotional overtone cannot be expected to be presented or analysed with pure objectivity. *To be otherwise is to delude ourselves. It is a reality that we have to accept and live with... societies must learn to cope with ethnic problems if the world and human civilisation is to have a meaningful future. *The multiracial nature of our society is a fact. It is something that every Malaysian must accept, live and cope with. *Malay culture is really a mixed culture in which elements of Chinese and Indian cultures have been absorbed, albeit modified in form. *The task of moulding a common national culture and to integrate people of differing ethnic groups is... much more difficult today than it was before. *The New Economic Policy was conceived with the view to remove the identification of race with economic function. *While elements of the racial cultures of the different ethnic groups are incorporated into the national culture, each race continues to practise its distinct culture in the environment of its own society. *If the cultures of the non-indigenous peoples are made the basis of a Malaysian national culture, then Malaysia would become simply an appendage... of the countries from which those cultures come. *Ethnicity remains a thorn in the Malaysian body, stifling change and progress. But there is no choice for Malaysia and Malaysians. We just have to continue our efforts to bring the different ethnic groups together. *The only choice left to us is to make everyone equally unhappy... even the indigenous people are not getting all that they ask for, and are consequently just as unhappy and dissatisfied. *We know we have difficult periods in front of us, but with care and reduced ethnic overtones, and by channelling our energy to productive uses we can bring our vision to reality. ====Opening of the 7th Malaysian Economic Convention==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=60 Opening of the 7th Malaysian Economic Convention, 18 January 1983]</small> ===1984=== ====Speech at United States==== <small>[https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/remarks-the-president-and-prime-minister-mahathir-bin-mohamad-malaysia-following-their Remarks of the President and Prime Minister Mahathir bin Mohamad of Malaysia Following Their Meetings]</small> *If you were to ask me what is it I would want the United States to do with regard to economic policy, my honest and simple response is for the U.S. economy to get ahead and regain its strength, for the healthier and more vibrant the U.S. economy becomes, the better it will be, not only for the United States and Malaysia but all the developing countries in the world. *We do not expect handouts in our search for a better tomorrow. What we look for are new areas of cooperation and collaboration, particularly in the area of economy and trade interchange to help us in the realization of our aspirations to be a more self-relying and progressive nation. *Where we differ in respect to perception or policy, I'm gratified to note that there is a willingness on the part of the United States to achieve closer understanding and cooperation. *We pledge to continue this friendly and cooperative relationship for mutual benefits. ===2000–present=== * It's quite obvious that when the {{w|Eastern bloc}} was still there, it was a bustle between [[capitalism]] and [[communism]]. Once {{w|Revolutions of 1989|communism was defeated}}, then capitalism could [[Globalization|expand]] and [[Neoliberalism|show its true self]]. It's no longer constrained by the need to be nice, so that people will choose their so-called free-market system as opposed to the centrally planned system. So because of that, nowadays there is nothing to restrain capital, and capital is demanding that it should be able to go anywhere and do whatever it likes. ** [https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/commandingheights/shared/minitext/int_mahathirbinmohamad.html "Commanding Heights"] interview with PBS (2 July 2001). * Clearly Islam the religion is not the cause of [[terrorism]]. Islam, as I said, is a [[religion of peace]]. However through the centuries, deviations from the true teachings of Islam take place. And so [people who call themselves] "Muslims" kill despite the injunction of their religion against killing especially of innocent people. ** Speech <!-- to the UN General Assembly --> in New York City {{cite web |url=http://asiasociety.org/islam-terrorism-and-malaysias-response?page=0,1 |title=Islam, Terrorism, and Malaysia's Response (page 2) |website=Asia Society |date=4 February 2002}} * History should remember Blair and Bush as the killers of children or as the lying prime minister and president. ** [[w:Kuala Lumpur Summit|Perdana conference]], Kuala Lumpur, cited in {{cite news|url=https://www.irishexaminer.com/world/arid-30296556.html|title=Malaysian ex-PM: Blair and Bush are 'evil murderers'|newspaper=Irish Examiner|date=5 October 2007}} * We need an opposition to remind us if we are making mistakes. When you are not opposed you think everything you do is right. ** [http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2005/12/11/nation/12838957&sec=nation ''The Star''] (Malaysian publication, December 2005). * I believe that the country should have a strong government but not too strong. A two-thirds majority like I enjoyed when I was prime minister is sufficient but a 90% majority is too strong. ** December 2005, on his successor [[Abdullah Ahmad Badawi]]'s Parliamentary majority of 92%. [http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2005/12/11/nation/12838957&sec=nation] *I believe that if that bastard leaves, we then won't be bastardised. **in reference to Prime Minister [[Najib Razak]] during [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFd_fCF5CdM a speech at Pasir Gudang] on 29 August 2015. Previously, Najib Razak had warned that Malaysian Malays would be "bastardised" were [[w:UMNO|UMNO]] to lose power in the government, raising controversy by using a swear word (Malay "bangsat", loosely translated as "anus") in his speech. * To be a great leader, one needs to have good strategies, be knowledgeable and able to predict the future. [http://www.malaysiakini.com/news/110479 "Dr M on what makes a great leader"] malaysiakini (13 August 2009) *We call upon all Malaysians, irrespective of race, religion, political situation, creed or parties, young and old, to join us in saving Malaysia from the government headed by Najib Razak. We must rid ourselves of Najib as prime minister. If he’s allowed to go on, the damage will be worse and worse. **Mahathir's move to oust Prime Minister Najib Razak, quote above read from a joint statement endorsed by prominent members from the ruling party, opposition, and civil society groups, quoted on ''Channel News Asia'', [http://www.channelnewsasia.com/news/asiapacific/dr-mahathir-movement-will/2575782.html "Dr Mahathir movement will be bad for country: Malaysia Foreign Affairs Minister"] (5 March 2016). ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} {{commons category|Mahathir Mohamad|Mahathir bin Mohamad}} [[Category:1925 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Prime Ministers of Malaysia]] [[Category:Muslims]] [[Category:Antisemites]] ssoinzgtt38yiqrbtcwp85uf4x7yfw7 3778631 3778623 2025-07-14T13:02:50Z 2001:D08:E6:D35B:F1C9:BD8D:3173:8E81 /* Opening of the 7th Malaysian Economic Convention */ 3778631 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:PM Mahathir Mohamad gives press statement in Jakarta 2018-06-29.jpg|210px|thumb|Mahathir Mohamad in 2018]] '''[[w:Mahathir Mohamad|Mahathir Mohamad]]''' (born [[10 July]] [[1925]]) is a [[Malaysia|Malaysian]] politician who was the country's Prime Minister from 1981 to 2003 and 2018 to 2020. == Quotes == ===1981=== ====Opening of the ASEAN Travel Forum==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1427 Speech at the opening of the ASEAN Travel Forum, Genting Highlands, 20 October 1981]</small> *The coming together of ASEAN countries for the purpose of creating greater business opportunities for those involved in the tourist industry once again demonstrates ASEAN's determination to foster closer cooperation among member countries. *ASEAN firmly believes in regional cooperation as a means to achieve greater prosperity and stability for our region. *We have the potential to develop a wide variety of attractions within our region and these can indeed be promoted among our own people as well as among international visitors. *Let us put our heads together to evolve ways and means to develop the tourist industry in the ASEAN region. ====Third International Conference of Non-Governmental Organisations on Dadah Use Prevention and Control==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1621 Speech at the Third International Conference of Non-Governmental Organisations on Dadah Use Prevention and Control, Kuala Lumpur, 2 November 1981]</small> *Malaysia, like many other countries, is fully aware of the seriousness and complexity of the global problems of dadah use and substance abuse, and we fully endorse all international efforts, be it governmental or non-governmental, directed towards the eradication of this social menace. *The dadah problem in a sinister way is very democratic in that it does not discriminate against religion, racial descent, or socio-economic background of a person. *Malaysia comprehends the magnitude of the dadah problem. We have accordingly designated it as a security problem. *Insights, understanding and concepts are meaningless and empty unless bold action is taken to ensure results. *For us in Malaysia, the dadah problem is still our number one enemy. As a security problem, it will be given priority. *We cannot allow the expression "everybody’s responsibility is no one’s concern" to be true of dadah prevention. *Dadah is one enemy that we cannot say, "If we cannot fight its abuse, we can join in the abuse." *The obvious answer to the problem is to move on a broad front, to tackle both the underlying and the related dadah problem together. *ASEAN countries, who are both the source and the bearer of the brunt of the international dadah problem, merit greater attention of the world community. *In short, for the sake of future generations, we all have to respond actively, positively and urgently to overcome the dadah problem. ==== Speech at the ASEAN-U.S. Economic Conference ==== [https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1009 Speech at the ASEAN-U.S. Economic Conference, Kuala Lumpur Hilton, 18 November 1981] * What we need today if we are to achieve some semblance of a fair distribution of international wealth is sincerity based on true friendship and a clear understanding of the moral obligations that we all have towards each other. * Our economic policies are based on clear and definite political objectives. If we impose conditions on foreign investors, it is not because we grudge you your profits, but because we have a need to reconcile foreign economic incursions with national aspirations. * The political stability we achieve is, for you, much more worthwhile commercially than the short-term profits you might make. * We do not [[Nationalization|nationalize]], for example. [...] The predictability pertaining to economic policies is our asset. * The ASEAN nations are not intending to compete with the developed countries. Rather they wish to complement. * Malaysia is ruled by [[Conservatism|conservatives]] whose only desire is to develop the country for the benefit of the people. [[Radicalism]] and [[extremism]] has been rejected not only by the Government but also by the people. * We intend to have a firm grip [on inflation] through fiscal and monetary discipline. * I hope that you will take this opportunity to understand this region better and to explore ways and means of establishing better cooperation between American businessmen and financiers with ASEAN's counterparts. ====Speech during Visit to Singapore==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=3 Speech at a Dinner on the Occasion of the Visit to Singapore, 17 December 1981]</small> *An appreciation of differences is as important as the acknowledgement of the common historical and geo-political backgrounds in the fostering of understanding between our two countries. *We can always call up each other, and frankly discuss our mutual problems when they arise. *[[Singapore]]'s success story in the economic and social fields cannot but be a model for Malaysians rather than an object of envy. *What we do within our own country is contributory and complementary towards each other's progress. *The security of the region is the security of Malaysia. *The security apparatus of our two nations continue to cooperate closely against any subversive and criminal elements that could affect our stability even when political leaders are openly squabbling. *We live in a world of instant communication which has spawned instant events, instant interviews and instant comments. *ASEAN has proven to the world to be a viable and cohesive grouping. This credibility has to be sustained. *ASEAN's commitment transcends limited and localised national outlooks, and so renders possible a more daring programme for the future based on a peaceful and stable Southeast Asia. *We do not believe in double standards in the conduct of international relations. *Relations, if it is to be durable, must be based on the mutually accepted norms of equality and respect. There cannot be any compromise on this. *For us to opt for super-power collusion would be submitting ourselves to be pawns in their conflicts and rivalries. *The development of good relationship between our two countries is also a task for the leaders as well as of the people. ===1982=== ====Opening of the 12th ASEAN Economic Ministers Meeting==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=937 Speech at the opening of the 12th ASEAN Economic Ministers Meeting, Kuala Lumpur Hilton, 14 January 1982]</small> *Malaysia’s adherence to the principles of ASEAN cooperation is not altruistic. It is enlightened self-interest. *We cannot prosper alone in a region that is in turmoil and unstable. To prosper we have to have the kind of regional environment that is conducive to economic growth. *ASEAN should inject new ideas in industrial cooperation... the country with the biggest market would enjoy the most benefits even if the product was manufactured by a smaller country. *In industrial complementation, perhaps the private sector should play a more vigorous role. *We are heavily dependent on external services in shipping, and the rising freight charges are an additional burden to the balance of payments of ASEAN countries. *ASEAN as a whole constitutes a major producer of conventional energy such as gas and petroleum. Yet we lack the infrastructure and technology to fully exploit our natural resources. *Despite our disappointment in solving commodity problems, ASEAN should continue to adopt a collective approach and joint efforts in pursuing international economic issues. *ASEAN’s resilience and success serves as a model and shining example to other developing countries on meaningful economic cooperation. ====Opening of the Fourth AIPO General Assembly==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1509 Speech at the opening of the Fourth General Assembly of the ASEAN Inter-Parliamentary Organisation, Parliament House, Kuala Lumpur, 2 February 1982]</small> *We are indeed very happy to have this privilege of hosting the Fourth General Assembly of the ASEAN Inter-Parliamentary Organisation or AIPO. *Despite the various efforts made by us to secure fair terms of trade, we have, we must admit, largely been unsuccessful. *The aspirations of the peoples and Governments of our countries for a New International Economic Order have not only been ignored but their terms of trade continue to be made more inequitable. *We in Southeast Asia have entered an era fraught with unprecedented perils. *The ASEAN Parliament may yet be a forum for the successful coordination of our development and progress. ====Opening of the 5th MAJECA/JAMECA Conference==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=978 Speech at the opening of the 5th Joint Annual Conference of the Malaysia-Japan Economic Association and Japan-Malaysia Economic Association, Kuala Lumpur Hilton, 8 February 1982]</small> *Lately I have been exhorting Malaysians to emulate the Japanese, particularly in work ethics and ethical values. *The West is no longer a suitable model. They have lost their drive. They still want the good life but are not prepared to face the realities of a world market which they can no longer dominate. *When we ask Malaysians to look East, it is not so much your living standard that we are thinking about. That will come... What we are interested in is your work ethics. *It is not just skills we are after, but more importantly, the correct attitude to work, including the sense of belonging, which breeds loyalty. *A prosperous Malaysia will make a better customer and trading partner for [[Japan]]. *It is high time that our businessmen go international and venture to where the markets are, instead of waiting for the markets to come to them. ====Dinner in Honour of Premier Li Jong Ok==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1089 Speech at the dinner in honour of His Excellency Mr. Li Jong Ok, Premier of the Administrative Council of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, Parliament House, Kuala Lumpur, 11 February 1982]</small> *Malaysia has always followed a consistent policy of establishing friendly relations and mutual cooperation with all countries, irrespective of ideology or political systems. *Your Excellency's visit is an important milestone in the development of our bilateral relations. *It is our desire to see the emergence of a coalition government that is truly representative of the people of [[Cambodia|Kampuchea]]. *As non-aligned countries, both the [[North Korea|Democratic People's Republic of Korea]] and Malaysia can play a constructive role in bringing about the peace that we so desire in our respective regions. *Malaysia and the Democratic People's Republic of Korea share similar aspirations... to develop our respective economies and improve the standard of living of our respective peoples. ====Second International Symposium on Savings==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1570 Speech at the Second International Symposium on the Mobilisation of Personal Savings in Developing Countries, Hilton Kuala Lumpur, 15 March 1982]</small> *Our ability to raise adequate domestic savings to finance our development efforts is a necessary precondition, if we are to succeed in re-structuring our economies to cope with the rapid transformation that is taking place in the world economy today. *Despite the talk and widespread publicity on foreign assistance, be they official development aid or foreign direct investment, we have all along been depending on ourselves. *The function of any sound financial system should not only be to intermediate between the savers and the investors, but also to ensure that the less advantaged groups have access to adequate credit at reasonable cost. *The prices of our primary commodities are set by conveniently labelled 'supply and demand forces' located in the industrial countries. *The developing countries must seek ways and means of gaining entree into the market place. They should do so not individually but in cooperation with each other. ====Dinner in Honour of PM Van Agt==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1073 Speech at the dinner in honour of His Excellency Mr. A.A.M. Van Agt, Prime Minister of the Netherlands, Parliament House, Kuala Lumpur, 15 March 1982]</small> *Your Excellency's visit which is the first by a Prime Minister of the Netherlands is indeed an honour for Malaysia. *I have no doubt that your visit will further strengthen the relations and foster greater cooperation between our two countries. *Your support for the aspirations of the developing countries to effect structural changes to the international economic order cannot go without special mention. *Malaysia has of late become disenchanted with what is said to be a free market for commodity trading, particularly tin. *We are urging a producers' association, not in order to jack up prices or to hold the world to ransom, but in order to get fair prices while continuing to stay in the market. *We do hope that actual direct trade with the [[Netherlands]] will increase. *We are happy to see increased interest by [[Dutch people|Dutch]] businessmen in investment opportunities in Malaysia. *We will not nationalise or expropriate in any way. *If your shares or your companies are up for sale then we reserve the right to buy if we think that it is worthwhile. *Malaysia as a member of ASEAN is committed to improve the quality of life of our peoples and to enhance their general well-being. *We have made it clear that we cannot accept military intervention as a means of settling a zonal problem. *We firmly believe that such a solution would pave the way for the realisation of our objective of a Zone of Peace, Freedom and Neutrality in Southeast Asia. *Your visit stimulates not only the common desire to enhance further our bilateral relations but also reinforces the political will and commitment to the search for peace for the benefit of all concerned. *We share identical views on many issues of regional and international importance. ====National Seminar on Productivity==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1289 Speech at the National Seminar on Productivity, Hilton Hotel, Kuala Lumpur, 5 April 1982]</small> *We must face a future where we must stand on our own feet without the benefit of help from other sources. *Productivity means increased output without an equal increase in monetary input. *Work should be enjoyed in the same way that we enjoy playing. *No one is indispensable because everyone is indispensable. *A bored worker is as bad as a bored player. He does not win. A bored worker does not produce. *What we need is a drastic change in attitude on the part of everybody concerned. *The only answer is greater productivity. *Everyone should instill in himself a sense of responsibility both to himself and to his country. *If we can improve our attitudes and regard waste in all its forms as an unforgivable crime directed against ourselves, then we will achieve that high level of productivity so essential to our national development. *Japan’s greatest asset is human resource in the form of disciplined, hard working people. ====1982 Radio Malaysia Election Speech==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=915 Mahathir's 1982 radio address on elections, unity, and governance]</small> *Only a strong Government can champion the cause of the people and bring stability and prosperity to the country. *The National Front is a team. Its strength lies in its team spirit. *We believe that the people who should inherit this country and continue with the struggle to achieve our national aspiration shall be the people who believe and uphold the Rukunegara. ====State Feast in Tonga==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1611 State Feast, Nukuʻalofa, Tonga]</small> *In our interdependent world we have to help and stand by each other. *Today many traditional ways and customs of our forefathers seem to dissipate readily and be discarded. *Stretches of ocean lie between our lands but it is never too far or too difficult for us to keep in touch. ====Commonwealth Science Council Meeting==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=938 12th Meeting of the Commonwealth Science Council, 24 August 1982]</small> * Scientific and technological knowledge like all other forms of knowledge, we believe, increases as you share it with others. * The poor countries need help — not handouts, but a helping hand for their development. * The scientific knowledge and technology of the West cannot be simply imported into the country. It must be properly adjusted and adapted in order to fit into the special needs and requirements of the nation. * We are not about to invent the wheel again, but the application of discoveries and inventions originating elsewhere is part of the exercise in self-reliance. * Only the most primitive of the discarded industries will find a place in the developing world. * Scientific knowledge should be used not merely for material development, but also for the enhancement of the quality of life, and the achievement of peace and harmony. * The community of nations has not yet accepted the principle that the rich should help the poor. * Developing countries are so designated because they are relatively poor. If they are going to be able to buy from the developed countries, they must be helped to attain the financial capacity to do so. ====ASEAN–Japan Symposium==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=979 Speech at the 5th ASEAN–Japan Symposium, 24 August 1982]</small> *ASEAN today is faced with two major problems — one, the instability and uncertainty caused by the situation in Indochina; the second major problem arises out of the current world recession which threatens to retard the industrialisation efforts of the ASEAN countries. *The developed countries have opted for protectionism as a panacea for their ailing industries. If this tendency is not checked, not only would the exports of developing countries be affected but their development and industrialisation efforts would be seriously hampered. *ASEAN would pursue the creation of a Zone of Peace, Freedom and Neutrality in Southeast Asia. The leaders of ASEAN firmly believe that given their freedom from superpower dominance and interference, neighbouring states could successfully set aside their differences to forge a common purpose. *These opportunities were, however, lost when Vietnam intervened militarily and occupied Kampuchea. This she did with the open support of the Soviet Union. *ASEAN's approach to the solution of the Kampuchean problem is aimed at establishing a sovereign, independent and neutral Kampuchea respected and guaranteed by the great powers. *It has long been recognised that the political situation in Southeast Asia, directly or indirectly, impinges on Japan's economic and strategic interests. A prosperous and stable ASEAN is important to the maintenance of peace and stability in the region and therefore merits Japan's support. *Looking East does not mean total Japanization, or a complete break with the West. But it certainly means the almost total dependence on the West will be replaced by a more balanced attitude towards both East and West. *Our ‘Look East’ policy should not just be a one-way traffic. We seek the close cooperation, understanding and assistance not only from the Japanese Government but also from the Japanese public. ====The Presentation and Closing Ceremony of the 27th Asian Film Festival==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1553 Selected quotations from the 27th Asian Film Festival closing speech, 14 September 1982]</small> *Film makers, whether they are producers, directors, script writers, actors and actresses, are endowed with such special qualities that they can contribute in one way or the other towards the happiness of their audience. *They can make the audience happy or they can make them cry. They can make them knowledgeable or they can confuse them absolutely. *Above all they can inculcate positive values so essential to nation building and the development processes. *In the context of developing Malaysia, I see their vast potential in putting across our commitments and reassuring Malaysians of the targets of the nation's strategy in sustaining the growth of a happy and vibrant country as envisaged in our New Economic Policy. *However to be truly profitable local films must be good enough to be shown outside of this country. *Let your success inspire you to greater achievements. ====The Asia Society and the Council of Foreign Relations speech==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1020 Selected quotations from the Asia Society and Council on Foreign Relations speech, 28 September 1982]</small> *The European Economic Community uses economic power to continue political domination. The United States too was drawn into this grouping, thus adding strength to the domination of European countries over their former colonies. *ASEAN is not a strategic concept designed to overawe its neighbours. It was an ad hoc solution to a communications problem between neighbours who were strangers to each other. *Once it was formed, much more was expected of ASEAN than was ever in the minds of the founders. *The five countries of ASEAN are ethnically similar, but historically and politically diverse. *Foreign holdings were forcibly nationalised. But learning from the other ASEAN countries that such was not the route to prosperity, nationalisation was dropped. *All the ASEAN countries are now believers in free trade and free enterprise. Foreign capital is welcome by all. *ASEAN has brought prosperity and stability. Although it is not a military grouping, it can coordinate its policies to deter the kind of adventures that countries standing alone and economically troubled attract. ====The 37th Session of the United Nations General Assembly speech==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=964 Selected quotations from the 37th United Nations General Assembly speech, 29 September 1982]</small> *Might is now the only thing that is right. Weak countries like [[Afghanistan]], Kampuchea and [[Lebanon]] are trodden over by the boots of invading armies as the rest of the world stood by. *The credibility of the [[United Nations]] is at stake. The United Nations must regain its credibility. *The foreign military invasion and continued occupation of Kampuchea is a crime against the Kampuchean people and a threat to regional peace and security. *Nobody, not even a people who had suffered as much as the Jews had, have the right to inflict upon others the horrors of Sabra and Shatila. *[[Israel]] is a bully. If it is any bigger or stronger the world will not be safe. *Those weapons are for nothing less than murder. *To the developing nations, the continuance of the Afghan nationalist struggle is crucial. *Apartheid... is a travesty of justice and is an affront to human dignity. *Our patience and sense of fair-play is being taxed to the limit with the market manipulations abroad which in effect reduce our people to underpaid labourers. *The various exchanges located in the developed countries literally manipulate prices in order to make a profit for the brokers, the dealers, the speculators and others. *It is a case of heads you win, tails I lose. *The stockpile is merely a rich nation’s monopolistic weapon used to depress prices of commodities for the benefit of the consumers. *This world-wide depression is man-made. It is made in the powerful countries by short-sighted people. *There will be violence, riots and revolutions. Governments will fall and anarchy will prevail. *The world has suffered enough from this depression. We need action now. *The uninhabited lands of Antarctica... do not legally belong to the discoverers as much as the colonial territories do not belong to the colonial powers. *Historical episodes are not facts that can substantiate claims. *Israel continues to propagate the myth of the non-existence of the Palestinian people. ====Statement on Regional Economic and Functional Co-operation (CHOGRM III)==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=924 Selected quotations from Mahathir's CHOGRM III speech, Suva, Fiji, 18 October 1982]</small> *We in Malaysia too see the need for the injection of greater assistance to the South Pacific island countries so as to enable them to build up their national resilience and independence. *The Commonwealth is now on test. If the Commonwealth countries in our region cannot actualise economic and functional cooperation, the prestige of the Commonwealth itself will go down. *Some industrially developed nations really feel free to scour and devour the developing nations by their exploitative methods and practices. *They seem incapable of realizing that such libertine activities would only lead to the destruction of the free enterprise system itself. *Our advice to these countries should be that they talk less of their generosity to provide assistance to the poor nations and instead undertake a thorough soul-searching examination. ====State Dinner with Prime Minister Michael Somare of Papua New Guinea==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=17 Papua New Guinea Dinner Speech, 19 October 1982]</small> *The Government of Malaysia fully subscribes to the concept of economic and technical cooperation among developing countries. Malaysians are ready to participate in practical economic and technical programmes with [[Papua New Guinea]]. We are your 'wantoks'. *The spinoffs of better understanding and goodwill from increased contact and cooperation between our peoples will surely strengthen our friendship. *Malaysia is extremely unhappy at the manipulation of commodity prices by the various exchanges located in the developed countries. Scant regard is paid to the producers. To ensure reasonable prices, such an unhealthy system has to be dismantled. ====Opening of the ASEAN Law Association General Assembly==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1463 ASEAN Law Association Speech (26 Oct 1982)]</small> *I believe in the supremacy of the Constitution. The Malaysian Government will faithfully do its duty as guaranteed to minorities, rights guaranteed to the citizen and in some cases to the non-citizen also. The Constitution is not infallible, having been drafted by mere man. Hence the Constitution also provides for its amendment no doubt to make it compatible with changing times. But the conditions for amendments are such that the Constitution cannot be trifled with at will. *No man is above the law, not even those in power. Those in power are in fact trustees and their duty is to promote the public good, not self-enrichment. *During your deliberations it is only proper that as professionals you focus on legal justice. But I would like to point out that apart from legal justice, there are other kinds of justice which are also desirable that we should achieve, and that is economic and social justice. The former [[President of the United States]], Mr. [[Jimmy Carter|Carter]] in a speech to American lawyers said that in the [[United States]] there are many judges and many lawyers but not enough justice. He was referring to legal justice. As head of the Government I am acutely aware of the need to provide the broader kind of justice that I mentioned. *Each of these systems is designed to regulate in a fair manner the relations of man, the relations between man and the State; and prescribes a just way of resolving disputes among them. But each system follows different paths. Your deliberations should over a period of time produce a synthesis of laws for the benefit of the whole of ASEAN. ====Official Dinner Speech in Bangkok with Thai Prime Minister Prem Tinsulanonda==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1334 Mahathir–Prem Official Dinner, Bangkok (8 December 1982)]</small> *As close neighbours, common sense dictates that in our relations with each other there can be no alternative to mutual trust and the willingness to work together in facing our common problems. Indeed, our two countries are also brought together because of our affinity for each other and the many common perceptions we share. *The corner-stone of Malaysia's foreign policy vis-a-vis [[Thailand]] is, and will always be, one of good neighbourliness through mutual assistance and cooperation. *These are troubled times: not only have we to contend with a major world-wide economic recession, but also serious challenges to the peace and stability of our region. It is, therefore, all the more imperative that we continue working together both bilaterally and within the context of ASEAN. *Malaysia will work closely with Thailand for the preservation of peace and stability in the region. *It is through this ASEAN spirit and our commitment to the objectives of ASEAN that today we have in our region an association of nations that we can be justly proud of, for the simple reason that it works. *The motive-force for the success of ASEAN lies in our firm belief in peace and in working together for the prosperity of all in the region. *[[Vietnam]]'s military intervention and continued occupation of Kampuchea represents not only a direct interference in the internal affairs of the country, but a threat to the peace and stability of the whole region. The establishment of the Coalition Government of Democratic Kampuchea headed by His Highness Prince [[Norodom Sihanouk]] is a positive development. ====Official Dinner Speech Honouring French Prime Minister Pierre Mauroy==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1365 Mahathir–Pierre Mauroy Official Dinner, Kuala Lumpur (13 December 1982)]</small> *Your visit to Malaysia, Excellency, is the first ever by a Prime Minister of France. I am confident that your visit will contribute to the strengthening of the existing close ties of friendship and cooperation between our two countries. *While France may not be among Malaysia's major trading partners, she has participated in and contributed to our economic development in the past and continues to do so presently. *In adopting a 'Look East' policy in order to balance foreign influences on our national development, we are not turning our backs on the West completely. The West remains an important partner in our development efforts and French expertise, technology and investment are always welcome. *France... has of late introduced a ruling requiring that all customs import-documents be prepared in French. This is certainly an impediment to a freer flow of trade and constitutes another form of non-tariff barrier. *Imagine the consternation among French exporters if Malaysia were to insist that they must use Bahasa Malaysia in all their documentation. *Trade missions coming to sell goods here should bring along investors as well. We need investment in new projects to support our industrialisation programme. *What we would like to see is an offset programme whereby purchases and contracts are linked with economic reciprocity of one kind or another. *To achieve this objective of regional peace and stability, Malaysia, together with her partners in ASEAN, declared their resolve to make Southeast Asia a Zone of Peace, Freedom and Neutrality (ZOPFAN). *Our relations with countries of the region and beyond are based on the principles of respect for one another's independence, sovereignty and territorial integrity, non-interference in each other's internal affairs and non-use of force or threat of use of force. *The protraction of the situation in Kampuchea continues to pose a serious threat to regional peace and stability besides encouraging outside involvement and interference in the region. The formation of the Coalition Government of Democratic Kampuchea under the Presidency of His Highness Prince Norodom Sihanouk is a welcome development towards achieving such a negotiated political settlement of the Kampuchean issue. *Towards this end, we would urge that France, a country which has historical links with countries in this region, to contribute positively to the political solution of the Kampuchean issue. ===1983=== ====Official dinner in honour of the Rt. Hon. [[Pierre Trudeau|Pierre Elliott Trudeau]], Prime Minister of Canada==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=52 Official dinner in honour of Canadian Prime Minister Pierre Elliott Trudeau, 10 January 1983]</small> *Change and development are integral to any society and nation. The problem that confronts societies and nations, however, is that not all developments are for the better. *Malaysia, within this context, welcomes [[Canada|Canadian]] participation in our current national development endeavours, as outlined in the Fourth Malaysia Plan. *Canada-ASEAN relations can become the model of cooperation between a developed country and a group of developing countries, based on partnership on equal terms and common interest. *[[International law]] and order has truly broken down, giving rise to a situation where might and right is almost synonymous. *What is needed is the full backing of the powerful nations. They must revitalise the Organisation which they had created. *We are quite sure that the prices of all manufactured products that developing countries have to buy will continue to rise even when fuel prices go down. *For Malaysia and other developing countries it is a case of 'heads I lose, tails you win' all the time. *Killing OPEC is likely to result in more [[Mexico|Mexicos]], rather than economic recovery. *The Kampuchea issue, if not resolved peacefully and promptly, will also become a threat to world peace and security as continued foreign occupation of Kampuchea has brought in its wake big power rivalry and involvement. *Malaysia welcomes the setting up of the Coalition Government of Democratic Kampuchea under the Presidency of His Highness Prince Sihanouk as a positive step towards the peaceful resolution of the Kampuchea issue. *We look forward to a world characterised by sincere and constructive partnership and cooperation between the developed and more fortunate countries and the developing and less fortunate ones for their mutual benefit. ====A talk on ethnic relations and nation building at a function organised by the Malaysian Social Science Association==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=18 A talk on ethnic relations and nation building, 12 January 1983]</small> *Science, as we know it, is not value-free. This is more so with social sciences. And certainly, a subject such as ethnic relations, which tends to have an emotional overtone cannot be expected to be presented or analysed with pure objectivity. *To be otherwise is to delude ourselves. It is a reality that we have to accept and live with... societies must learn to cope with ethnic problems if the world and human civilisation is to have a meaningful future. *The multiracial nature of our society is a fact. It is something that every Malaysian must accept, live and cope with. *Malay culture is really a mixed culture in which elements of Chinese and Indian cultures have been absorbed, albeit modified in form. *The task of moulding a common national culture and to integrate people of differing ethnic groups is... much more difficult today than it was before. *The New Economic Policy was conceived with the view to remove the identification of race with economic function. *While elements of the racial cultures of the different ethnic groups are incorporated into the national culture, each race continues to practise its distinct culture in the environment of its own society. *If the cultures of the non-indigenous peoples are made the basis of a Malaysian national culture, then Malaysia would become simply an appendage... of the countries from which those cultures come. *Ethnicity remains a thorn in the Malaysian body, stifling change and progress. But there is no choice for Malaysia and Malaysians. We just have to continue our efforts to bring the different ethnic groups together. *The only choice left to us is to make everyone equally unhappy... even the indigenous people are not getting all that they ask for, and are consequently just as unhappy and dissatisfied. *We know we have difficult periods in front of us, but with care and reduced ethnic overtones, and by channelling our energy to productive uses we can bring our vision to reality. ====Opening of the 7th Malaysian Economic Convention==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=60 Opening of the 7th Malaysian Economic Convention, 18 January 1983]</small> *It is important to re-examine policies, and make structural changes so that policies and structures do not become objectives in themselves, but rather the means of achieving economic, social and political targets. *Malaysia is a free enterprise nation but its economy is subject to a variety of regulations as are all free enterprise economies. *We are constantly reexamining ourselves. An Economic Panel was set up recently for this purpose. *The world is going through a very difficult period. The whole banking system is now being questioned and with it the financing of international trade and investments. *High interest rates in a nation which lives on credit mean lowered consumption, lowered inventories and lowered investments. *There are things that we can change. There are others that we cannot change. Is it worthwhile to knock our heads against stone walls or should we use the prepared passage or the soft spots which will let us through. *The NEP is one of the most liberal policies. Those who have decided to live with it have done extremely well. *There is a lot wanting in the way policies are implemented, and economic administration is carried out. *The Government may not accept all that you recommend, but we will not ignore your findings or your recommendations. ===1984=== ====Speech at United States==== <small>[https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/remarks-the-president-and-prime-minister-mahathir-bin-mohamad-malaysia-following-their Remarks of the President and Prime Minister Mahathir bin Mohamad of Malaysia Following Their Meetings]</small> *If you were to ask me what is it I would want the United States to do with regard to economic policy, my honest and simple response is for the U.S. economy to get ahead and regain its strength, for the healthier and more vibrant the U.S. economy becomes, the better it will be, not only for the United States and Malaysia but all the developing countries in the world. *We do not expect handouts in our search for a better tomorrow. What we look for are new areas of cooperation and collaboration, particularly in the area of economy and trade interchange to help us in the realization of our aspirations to be a more self-relying and progressive nation. *Where we differ in respect to perception or policy, I'm gratified to note that there is a willingness on the part of the United States to achieve closer understanding and cooperation. *We pledge to continue this friendly and cooperative relationship for mutual benefits. ===2000–present=== * It's quite obvious that when the {{w|Eastern bloc}} was still there, it was a bustle between [[capitalism]] and [[communism]]. Once {{w|Revolutions of 1989|communism was defeated}}, then capitalism could [[Globalization|expand]] and [[Neoliberalism|show its true self]]. It's no longer constrained by the need to be nice, so that people will choose their so-called free-market system as opposed to the centrally planned system. So because of that, nowadays there is nothing to restrain capital, and capital is demanding that it should be able to go anywhere and do whatever it likes. ** [https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/commandingheights/shared/minitext/int_mahathirbinmohamad.html "Commanding Heights"] interview with PBS (2 July 2001). * Clearly Islam the religion is not the cause of [[terrorism]]. Islam, as I said, is a [[religion of peace]]. However through the centuries, deviations from the true teachings of Islam take place. And so [people who call themselves] "Muslims" kill despite the injunction of their religion against killing especially of innocent people. ** Speech <!-- to the UN General Assembly --> in New York City {{cite web |url=http://asiasociety.org/islam-terrorism-and-malaysias-response?page=0,1 |title=Islam, Terrorism, and Malaysia's Response (page 2) |website=Asia Society |date=4 February 2002}} * History should remember Blair and Bush as the killers of children or as the lying prime minister and president. ** [[w:Kuala Lumpur Summit|Perdana conference]], Kuala Lumpur, cited in {{cite news|url=https://www.irishexaminer.com/world/arid-30296556.html|title=Malaysian ex-PM: Blair and Bush are 'evil murderers'|newspaper=Irish Examiner|date=5 October 2007}} * We need an opposition to remind us if we are making mistakes. When you are not opposed you think everything you do is right. ** [http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2005/12/11/nation/12838957&sec=nation ''The Star''] (Malaysian publication, December 2005). * I believe that the country should have a strong government but not too strong. A two-thirds majority like I enjoyed when I was prime minister is sufficient but a 90% majority is too strong. ** December 2005, on his successor [[Abdullah Ahmad Badawi]]'s Parliamentary majority of 92%. [http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2005/12/11/nation/12838957&sec=nation] *I believe that if that bastard leaves, we then won't be bastardised. **in reference to Prime Minister [[Najib Razak]] during [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFd_fCF5CdM a speech at Pasir Gudang] on 29 August 2015. Previously, Najib Razak had warned that Malaysian Malays would be "bastardised" were [[w:UMNO|UMNO]] to lose power in the government, raising controversy by using a swear word (Malay "bangsat", loosely translated as "anus") in his speech. * To be a great leader, one needs to have good strategies, be knowledgeable and able to predict the future. [http://www.malaysiakini.com/news/110479 "Dr M on what makes a great leader"] malaysiakini (13 August 2009) *We call upon all Malaysians, irrespective of race, religion, political situation, creed or parties, young and old, to join us in saving Malaysia from the government headed by Najib Razak. We must rid ourselves of Najib as prime minister. If he’s allowed to go on, the damage will be worse and worse. **Mahathir's move to oust Prime Minister Najib Razak, quote above read from a joint statement endorsed by prominent members from the ruling party, opposition, and civil society groups, quoted on ''Channel News Asia'', [http://www.channelnewsasia.com/news/asiapacific/dr-mahathir-movement-will/2575782.html "Dr Mahathir movement will be bad for country: Malaysia Foreign Affairs Minister"] (5 March 2016). ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} {{commons category|Mahathir Mohamad|Mahathir bin Mohamad}} [[Category:1925 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Prime Ministers of Malaysia]] [[Category:Muslims]] [[Category:Antisemites]] 4q4qcyqj6w0hzziv2cnhwsxu5z9obki 3778737 3778631 2025-07-14T15:30:23Z 2402:1980:28B:3B7D:0:0:0:1 /* Speech on learning from japan’s work ethic */ 3778737 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:PM Mahathir Mohamad gives press statement in Jakarta 2018-06-29.jpg|210px|thumb|Mahathir Mohamad in 2018]] '''[[w:Mahathir Mohamad|Mahathir Mohamad]]''' (born [[10 July]] [[1925]]) is a [[Malaysia|Malaysian]] politician who was the country's Prime Minister from 1981 to 2003 and 2018 to 2020. == Quotes == ===1981=== ====Opening of the ASEAN Travel Forum==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1427 Speech at the opening of the ASEAN Travel Forum, Genting Highlands, 20 October 1981]</small> *The coming together of ASEAN countries for the purpose of creating greater business opportunities for those involved in the tourist industry once again demonstrates ASEAN's determination to foster closer cooperation among member countries. *ASEAN firmly believes in regional cooperation as a means to achieve greater prosperity and stability for our region. *We have the potential to develop a wide variety of attractions within our region and these can indeed be promoted among our own people as well as among international visitors. *Let us put our heads together to evolve ways and means to develop the tourist industry in the ASEAN region. ====Third International Conference of Non-Governmental Organisations on Dadah Use Prevention and Control==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1621 Speech at the Third International Conference of Non-Governmental Organisations on Dadah Use Prevention and Control, Kuala Lumpur, 2 November 1981]</small> *Malaysia, like many other countries, is fully aware of the seriousness and complexity of the global problems of dadah use and substance abuse, and we fully endorse all international efforts, be it governmental or non-governmental, directed towards the eradication of this social menace. *The dadah problem in a sinister way is very democratic in that it does not discriminate against religion, racial descent, or socio-economic background of a person. *Malaysia comprehends the magnitude of the dadah problem. We have accordingly designated it as a security problem. *Insights, understanding and concepts are meaningless and empty unless bold action is taken to ensure results. *For us in Malaysia, the dadah problem is still our number one enemy. As a security problem, it will be given priority. *We cannot allow the expression "everybody’s responsibility is no one’s concern" to be true of dadah prevention. *Dadah is one enemy that we cannot say, "If we cannot fight its abuse, we can join in the abuse." *The obvious answer to the problem is to move on a broad front, to tackle both the underlying and the related dadah problem together. *ASEAN countries, who are both the source and the bearer of the brunt of the international dadah problem, merit greater attention of the world community. *In short, for the sake of future generations, we all have to respond actively, positively and urgently to overcome the dadah problem. ==== Speech at the ASEAN-U.S. Economic Conference ==== [https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1009 Speech at the ASEAN-U.S. Economic Conference, Kuala Lumpur Hilton, 18 November 1981] * What we need today if we are to achieve some semblance of a fair distribution of international wealth is sincerity based on true friendship and a clear understanding of the moral obligations that we all have towards each other. * Our economic policies are based on clear and definite political objectives. If we impose conditions on foreign investors, it is not because we grudge you your profits, but because we have a need to reconcile foreign economic incursions with national aspirations. * The political stability we achieve is, for you, much more worthwhile commercially than the short-term profits you might make. * We do not [[Nationalization|nationalize]], for example. [...] The predictability pertaining to economic policies is our asset. * The ASEAN nations are not intending to compete with the developed countries. Rather they wish to complement. * Malaysia is ruled by [[Conservatism|conservatives]] whose only desire is to develop the country for the benefit of the people. [[Radicalism]] and [[extremism]] has been rejected not only by the Government but also by the people. * We intend to have a firm grip [on inflation] through fiscal and monetary discipline. * I hope that you will take this opportunity to understand this region better and to explore ways and means of establishing better cooperation between American businessmen and financiers with ASEAN's counterparts. ====Speech during Visit to Singapore==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=3 Speech at a Dinner on the Occasion of the Visit to Singapore, 17 December 1981]</small> *An appreciation of differences is as important as the acknowledgement of the common historical and geo-political backgrounds in the fostering of understanding between our two countries. *We can always call up each other, and frankly discuss our mutual problems when they arise. *[[Singapore]]'s success story in the economic and social fields cannot but be a model for Malaysians rather than an object of envy. *What we do within our own country is contributory and complementary towards each other's progress. *The security of the region is the security of Malaysia. *The security apparatus of our two nations continue to cooperate closely against any subversive and criminal elements that could affect our stability even when political leaders are openly squabbling. *We live in a world of instant communication which has spawned instant events, instant interviews and instant comments. *ASEAN has proven to the world to be a viable and cohesive grouping. This credibility has to be sustained. *ASEAN's commitment transcends limited and localised national outlooks, and so renders possible a more daring programme for the future based on a peaceful and stable Southeast Asia. *We do not believe in double standards in the conduct of international relations. *Relations, if it is to be durable, must be based on the mutually accepted norms of equality and respect. There cannot be any compromise on this. *For us to opt for super-power collusion would be submitting ourselves to be pawns in their conflicts and rivalries. *The development of good relationship between our two countries is also a task for the leaders as well as of the people. ===1982=== ====Opening of the 12th ASEAN Economic Ministers Meeting==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=937 Speech at the opening of the 12th ASEAN Economic Ministers Meeting, Kuala Lumpur Hilton, 14 January 1982]</small> *Malaysia’s adherence to the principles of ASEAN cooperation is not altruistic. It is enlightened self-interest. *We cannot prosper alone in a region that is in turmoil and unstable. To prosper we have to have the kind of regional environment that is conducive to economic growth. *ASEAN should inject new ideas in industrial cooperation... the country with the biggest market would enjoy the most benefits even if the product was manufactured by a smaller country. *In industrial complementation, perhaps the private sector should play a more vigorous role. *We are heavily dependent on external services in shipping, and the rising freight charges are an additional burden to the balance of payments of ASEAN countries. *ASEAN as a whole constitutes a major producer of conventional energy such as gas and petroleum. Yet we lack the infrastructure and technology to fully exploit our natural resources. *Despite our disappointment in solving commodity problems, ASEAN should continue to adopt a collective approach and joint efforts in pursuing international economic issues. *ASEAN’s resilience and success serves as a model and shining example to other developing countries on meaningful economic cooperation. ====Opening of the Fourth AIPO General Assembly==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1509 Speech at the opening of the Fourth General Assembly of the ASEAN Inter-Parliamentary Organisation, Parliament House, Kuala Lumpur, 2 February 1982]</small> *We are indeed very happy to have this privilege of hosting the Fourth General Assembly of the ASEAN Inter-Parliamentary Organisation or AIPO. *Despite the various efforts made by us to secure fair terms of trade, we have, we must admit, largely been unsuccessful. *The aspirations of the peoples and Governments of our countries for a New International Economic Order have not only been ignored but their terms of trade continue to be made more inequitable. *We in Southeast Asia have entered an era fraught with unprecedented perils. *The ASEAN Parliament may yet be a forum for the successful coordination of our development and progress. ====Opening of the 5th MAJECA/JAMECA Conference==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=978 Speech at the opening of the 5th Joint Annual Conference of the Malaysia-Japan Economic Association and Japan-Malaysia Economic Association, Kuala Lumpur Hilton, 8 February 1982]</small> *Lately I have been exhorting Malaysians to emulate the Japanese, particularly in work ethics and ethical values. *The West is no longer a suitable model. They have lost their drive. They still want the good life but are not prepared to face the realities of a world market which they can no longer dominate. *When we ask Malaysians to look East, it is not so much your living standard that we are thinking about. That will come... What we are interested in is your work ethics. *It is not just skills we are after, but more importantly, the correct attitude to work, including the sense of belonging, which breeds loyalty. *A prosperous Malaysia will make a better customer and trading partner for [[Japan]]. *It is high time that our businessmen go international and venture to where the markets are, instead of waiting for the markets to come to them. ====Dinner in Honour of Premier Li Jong Ok==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1089 Speech at the dinner in honour of His Excellency Mr. Li Jong Ok, Premier of the Administrative Council of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, Parliament House, Kuala Lumpur, 11 February 1982]</small> *Malaysia has always followed a consistent policy of establishing friendly relations and mutual cooperation with all countries, irrespective of ideology or political systems. *Your Excellency's visit is an important milestone in the development of our bilateral relations. *It is our desire to see the emergence of a coalition government that is truly representative of the people of [[Cambodia|Kampuchea]]. *As non-aligned countries, both the [[North Korea|Democratic People's Republic of Korea]] and Malaysia can play a constructive role in bringing about the peace that we so desire in our respective regions. *Malaysia and the Democratic People's Republic of Korea share similar aspirations... to develop our respective economies and improve the standard of living of our respective peoples. ====Second International Symposium on Savings==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1570 Speech at the Second International Symposium on the Mobilisation of Personal Savings in Developing Countries, Hilton Kuala Lumpur, 15 March 1982]</small> *Our ability to raise adequate domestic savings to finance our development efforts is a necessary precondition, if we are to succeed in re-structuring our economies to cope with the rapid transformation that is taking place in the world economy today. *Despite the talk and widespread publicity on foreign assistance, be they official development aid or foreign direct investment, we have all along been depending on ourselves. *The function of any sound financial system should not only be to intermediate between the savers and the investors, but also to ensure that the less advantaged groups have access to adequate credit at reasonable cost. *The prices of our primary commodities are set by conveniently labelled 'supply and demand forces' located in the industrial countries. *The developing countries must seek ways and means of gaining entree into the market place. They should do so not individually but in cooperation with each other. ====Dinner in Honour of PM Van Agt==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1073 Speech at the dinner in honour of His Excellency Mr. A.A.M. Van Agt, Prime Minister of the Netherlands, Parliament House, Kuala Lumpur, 15 March 1982]</small> *Your Excellency's visit which is the first by a Prime Minister of the Netherlands is indeed an honour for Malaysia. *I have no doubt that your visit will further strengthen the relations and foster greater cooperation between our two countries. *Your support for the aspirations of the developing countries to effect structural changes to the international economic order cannot go without special mention. *Malaysia has of late become disenchanted with what is said to be a free market for commodity trading, particularly tin. *We are urging a producers' association, not in order to jack up prices or to hold the world to ransom, but in order to get fair prices while continuing to stay in the market. *We do hope that actual direct trade with the [[Netherlands]] will increase. *We are happy to see increased interest by [[Dutch people|Dutch]] businessmen in investment opportunities in Malaysia. *We will not nationalise or expropriate in any way. *If your shares or your companies are up for sale then we reserve the right to buy if we think that it is worthwhile. *Malaysia as a member of ASEAN is committed to improve the quality of life of our peoples and to enhance their general well-being. *We have made it clear that we cannot accept military intervention as a means of settling a zonal problem. *We firmly believe that such a solution would pave the way for the realisation of our objective of a Zone of Peace, Freedom and Neutrality in Southeast Asia. *Your visit stimulates not only the common desire to enhance further our bilateral relations but also reinforces the political will and commitment to the search for peace for the benefit of all concerned. *We share identical views on many issues of regional and international importance. ====National Seminar on Productivity==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1289 Speech at the National Seminar on Productivity, Hilton Hotel, Kuala Lumpur, 5 April 1982]</small> *We must face a future where we must stand on our own feet without the benefit of help from other sources. *Productivity means increased output without an equal increase in monetary input. *Work should be enjoyed in the same way that we enjoy playing. *No one is indispensable because everyone is indispensable. *A bored worker is as bad as a bored player. He does not win. A bored worker does not produce. *What we need is a drastic change in attitude on the part of everybody concerned. *The only answer is greater productivity. *Everyone should instill in himself a sense of responsibility both to himself and to his country. *If we can improve our attitudes and regard waste in all its forms as an unforgivable crime directed against ourselves, then we will achieve that high level of productivity so essential to our national development. *Japan’s greatest asset is human resource in the form of disciplined, hard working people. ====1982 Radio Malaysia Election Speech==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=915 Mahathir's 1982 radio address on elections, unity, and governance]</small> *Only a strong Government can champion the cause of the people and bring stability and prosperity to the country. *The National Front is a team. Its strength lies in its team spirit. *We believe that the people who should inherit this country and continue with the struggle to achieve our national aspiration shall be the people who believe and uphold the Rukunegara. ====State Feast in Tonga==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1611 State Feast, Nukuʻalofa, Tonga]</small> *In our interdependent world we have to help and stand by each other. *Today many traditional ways and customs of our forefathers seem to dissipate readily and be discarded. *Stretches of ocean lie between our lands but it is never too far or too difficult for us to keep in touch. ====Commonwealth Science Council Meeting==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=938 12th Meeting of the Commonwealth Science Council, 24 August 1982]</small> * Scientific and technological knowledge like all other forms of knowledge, we believe, increases as you share it with others. * The poor countries need help — not handouts, but a helping hand for their development. * The scientific knowledge and technology of the West cannot be simply imported into the country. It must be properly adjusted and adapted in order to fit into the special needs and requirements of the nation. * We are not about to invent the wheel again, but the application of discoveries and inventions originating elsewhere is part of the exercise in self-reliance. * Only the most primitive of the discarded industries will find a place in the developing world. * Scientific knowledge should be used not merely for material development, but also for the enhancement of the quality of life, and the achievement of peace and harmony. * The community of nations has not yet accepted the principle that the rich should help the poor. * Developing countries are so designated because they are relatively poor. If they are going to be able to buy from the developed countries, they must be helped to attain the financial capacity to do so. ====ASEAN–Japan Symposium==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=979 Speech at the 5th ASEAN–Japan Symposium, 24 August 1982]</small> *ASEAN today is faced with two major problems — one, the instability and uncertainty caused by the situation in Indochina; the second major problem arises out of the current world recession which threatens to retard the industrialisation efforts of the ASEAN countries. *The developed countries have opted for protectionism as a panacea for their ailing industries. If this tendency is not checked, not only would the exports of developing countries be affected but their development and industrialisation efforts would be seriously hampered. *ASEAN would pursue the creation of a Zone of Peace, Freedom and Neutrality in Southeast Asia. The leaders of ASEAN firmly believe that given their freedom from superpower dominance and interference, neighbouring states could successfully set aside their differences to forge a common purpose. *These opportunities were, however, lost when Vietnam intervened militarily and occupied Kampuchea. This she did with the open support of the Soviet Union. *ASEAN's approach to the solution of the Kampuchean problem is aimed at establishing a sovereign, independent and neutral Kampuchea respected and guaranteed by the great powers. *It has long been recognised that the political situation in Southeast Asia, directly or indirectly, impinges on Japan's economic and strategic interests. A prosperous and stable ASEAN is important to the maintenance of peace and stability in the region and therefore merits Japan's support. *Looking East does not mean total Japanization, or a complete break with the West. But it certainly means the almost total dependence on the West will be replaced by a more balanced attitude towards both East and West. *Our ‘Look East’ policy should not just be a one-way traffic. We seek the close cooperation, understanding and assistance not only from the Japanese Government but also from the Japanese public. ====The Presentation and Closing Ceremony of the 27th Asian Film Festival==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1553 Selected quotations from the 27th Asian Film Festival closing speech, 14 September 1982]</small> *Film makers, whether they are producers, directors, script writers, actors and actresses, are endowed with such special qualities that they can contribute in one way or the other towards the happiness of their audience. *They can make the audience happy or they can make them cry. They can make them knowledgeable or they can confuse them absolutely. *Above all they can inculcate positive values so essential to nation building and the development processes. *In the context of developing Malaysia, I see their vast potential in putting across our commitments and reassuring Malaysians of the targets of the nation's strategy in sustaining the growth of a happy and vibrant country as envisaged in our New Economic Policy. *However to be truly profitable local films must be good enough to be shown outside of this country. *Let your success inspire you to greater achievements. ====The Asia Society and the Council of Foreign Relations speech==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1020 Selected quotations from the Asia Society and Council on Foreign Relations speech, 28 September 1982]</small> *The European Economic Community uses economic power to continue political domination. The United States too was drawn into this grouping, thus adding strength to the domination of European countries over their former colonies. *ASEAN is not a strategic concept designed to overawe its neighbours. It was an ad hoc solution to a communications problem between neighbours who were strangers to each other. *Once it was formed, much more was expected of ASEAN than was ever in the minds of the founders. *The five countries of ASEAN are ethnically similar, but historically and politically diverse. *Foreign holdings were forcibly nationalised. But learning from the other ASEAN countries that such was not the route to prosperity, nationalisation was dropped. *All the ASEAN countries are now believers in free trade and free enterprise. Foreign capital is welcome by all. *ASEAN has brought prosperity and stability. Although it is not a military grouping, it can coordinate its policies to deter the kind of adventures that countries standing alone and economically troubled attract. ====The 37th Session of the United Nations General Assembly speech==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=964 Selected quotations from the 37th United Nations General Assembly speech, 29 September 1982]</small> *Might is now the only thing that is right. Weak countries like [[Afghanistan]], Kampuchea and [[Lebanon]] are trodden over by the boots of invading armies as the rest of the world stood by. *The credibility of the [[United Nations]] is at stake. The United Nations must regain its credibility. *The foreign military invasion and continued occupation of Kampuchea is a crime against the Kampuchean people and a threat to regional peace and security. *Nobody, not even a people who had suffered as much as the Jews had, have the right to inflict upon others the horrors of Sabra and Shatila. *[[Israel]] is a bully. If it is any bigger or stronger the world will not be safe. *Those weapons are for nothing less than murder. *To the developing nations, the continuance of the Afghan nationalist struggle is crucial. *Apartheid... is a travesty of justice and is an affront to human dignity. *Our patience and sense of fair-play is being taxed to the limit with the market manipulations abroad which in effect reduce our people to underpaid labourers. *The various exchanges located in the developed countries literally manipulate prices in order to make a profit for the brokers, the dealers, the speculators and others. *It is a case of heads you win, tails I lose. *The stockpile is merely a rich nation’s monopolistic weapon used to depress prices of commodities for the benefit of the consumers. *This world-wide depression is man-made. It is made in the powerful countries by short-sighted people. *There will be violence, riots and revolutions. Governments will fall and anarchy will prevail. *The world has suffered enough from this depression. We need action now. *The uninhabited lands of Antarctica... do not legally belong to the discoverers as much as the colonial territories do not belong to the colonial powers. *Historical episodes are not facts that can substantiate claims. *Israel continues to propagate the myth of the non-existence of the Palestinian people. ====Statement on Regional Economic and Functional Co-operation (CHOGRM III)==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=924 Selected quotations from Mahathir's CHOGRM III speech, Suva, Fiji, 18 October 1982]</small> *We in Malaysia too see the need for the injection of greater assistance to the South Pacific island countries so as to enable them to build up their national resilience and independence. *The Commonwealth is now on test. If the Commonwealth countries in our region cannot actualise economic and functional cooperation, the prestige of the Commonwealth itself will go down. *Some industrially developed nations really feel free to scour and devour the developing nations by their exploitative methods and practices. *They seem incapable of realizing that such libertine activities would only lead to the destruction of the free enterprise system itself. *Our advice to these countries should be that they talk less of their generosity to provide assistance to the poor nations and instead undertake a thorough soul-searching examination. ====State Dinner with Prime Minister Michael Somare of Papua New Guinea==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=17 Papua New Guinea Dinner Speech, 19 October 1982]</small> *The Government of Malaysia fully subscribes to the concept of economic and technical cooperation among developing countries. Malaysians are ready to participate in practical economic and technical programmes with [[Papua New Guinea]]. We are your 'wantoks'. *The spinoffs of better understanding and goodwill from increased contact and cooperation between our peoples will surely strengthen our friendship. *Malaysia is extremely unhappy at the manipulation of commodity prices by the various exchanges located in the developed countries. Scant regard is paid to the producers. To ensure reasonable prices, such an unhealthy system has to be dismantled. ====Opening of the ASEAN Law Association General Assembly==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1463 ASEAN Law Association Speech (26 Oct 1982)]</small> *I believe in the supremacy of the Constitution. The Malaysian Government will faithfully do its duty as guaranteed to minorities, rights guaranteed to the citizen and in some cases to the non-citizen also. The Constitution is not infallible, having been drafted by mere man. Hence the Constitution also provides for its amendment no doubt to make it compatible with changing times. But the conditions for amendments are such that the Constitution cannot be trifled with at will. *No man is above the law, not even those in power. Those in power are in fact trustees and their duty is to promote the public good, not self-enrichment. *During your deliberations it is only proper that as professionals you focus on legal justice. But I would like to point out that apart from legal justice, there are other kinds of justice which are also desirable that we should achieve, and that is economic and social justice. The former [[President of the United States]], Mr. [[Jimmy Carter|Carter]] in a speech to American lawyers said that in the [[United States]] there are many judges and many lawyers but not enough justice. He was referring to legal justice. As head of the Government I am acutely aware of the need to provide the broader kind of justice that I mentioned. *Each of these systems is designed to regulate in a fair manner the relations of man, the relations between man and the State; and prescribes a just way of resolving disputes among them. But each system follows different paths. Your deliberations should over a period of time produce a synthesis of laws for the benefit of the whole of ASEAN. ====Official Dinner Speech in Bangkok with Thai Prime Minister Prem Tinsulanonda==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1334 Mahathir–Prem Official Dinner, Bangkok (8 December 1982)]</small> *As close neighbours, common sense dictates that in our relations with each other there can be no alternative to mutual trust and the willingness to work together in facing our common problems. Indeed, our two countries are also brought together because of our affinity for each other and the many common perceptions we share. *The corner-stone of Malaysia's foreign policy vis-a-vis [[Thailand]] is, and will always be, one of good neighbourliness through mutual assistance and cooperation. *These are troubled times: not only have we to contend with a major world-wide economic recession, but also serious challenges to the peace and stability of our region. It is, therefore, all the more imperative that we continue working together both bilaterally and within the context of ASEAN. *Malaysia will work closely with Thailand for the preservation of peace and stability in the region. *It is through this ASEAN spirit and our commitment to the objectives of ASEAN that today we have in our region an association of nations that we can be justly proud of, for the simple reason that it works. *The motive-force for the success of ASEAN lies in our firm belief in peace and in working together for the prosperity of all in the region. *[[Vietnam]]'s military intervention and continued occupation of Kampuchea represents not only a direct interference in the internal affairs of the country, but a threat to the peace and stability of the whole region. The establishment of the Coalition Government of Democratic Kampuchea headed by His Highness Prince [[Norodom Sihanouk]] is a positive development. ====Official Dinner Speech Honouring French Prime Minister Pierre Mauroy==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1365 Mahathir–Pierre Mauroy Official Dinner, Kuala Lumpur (13 December 1982)]</small> *Your visit to Malaysia, Excellency, is the first ever by a Prime Minister of France. I am confident that your visit will contribute to the strengthening of the existing close ties of friendship and cooperation between our two countries. *While France may not be among Malaysia's major trading partners, she has participated in and contributed to our economic development in the past and continues to do so presently. *In adopting a 'Look East' policy in order to balance foreign influences on our national development, we are not turning our backs on the West completely. The West remains an important partner in our development efforts and French expertise, technology and investment are always welcome. *France... has of late introduced a ruling requiring that all customs import-documents be prepared in French. This is certainly an impediment to a freer flow of trade and constitutes another form of non-tariff barrier. *Imagine the consternation among French exporters if Malaysia were to insist that they must use Bahasa Malaysia in all their documentation. *Trade missions coming to sell goods here should bring along investors as well. We need investment in new projects to support our industrialisation programme. *What we would like to see is an offset programme whereby purchases and contracts are linked with economic reciprocity of one kind or another. *To achieve this objective of regional peace and stability, Malaysia, together with her partners in ASEAN, declared their resolve to make Southeast Asia a Zone of Peace, Freedom and Neutrality (ZOPFAN). *Our relations with countries of the region and beyond are based on the principles of respect for one another's independence, sovereignty and territorial integrity, non-interference in each other's internal affairs and non-use of force or threat of use of force. *The protraction of the situation in Kampuchea continues to pose a serious threat to regional peace and stability besides encouraging outside involvement and interference in the region. The formation of the Coalition Government of Democratic Kampuchea under the Presidency of His Highness Prince Norodom Sihanouk is a welcome development towards achieving such a negotiated political settlement of the Kampuchean issue. *Towards this end, we would urge that France, a country which has historical links with countries in this region, to contribute positively to the political solution of the Kampuchean issue. ===1983=== ====Official dinner in honour of the Rt. Hon. [[Pierre Trudeau|Pierre Elliott Trudeau]], Prime Minister of Canada==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=52 Official dinner in honour of Canadian Prime Minister Pierre Elliott Trudeau, 10 January 1983]</small> *Change and development are integral to any society and nation. The problem that confronts societies and nations, however, is that not all developments are for the better. *Malaysia, within this context, welcomes [[Canada|Canadian]] participation in our current national development endeavours, as outlined in the Fourth Malaysia Plan. *Canada-ASEAN relations can become the model of cooperation between a developed country and a group of developing countries, based on partnership on equal terms and common interest. *[[International law]] and order has truly broken down, giving rise to a situation where might and right is almost synonymous. *What is needed is the full backing of the powerful nations. They must revitalise the Organisation which they had created. *We are quite sure that the prices of all manufactured products that developing countries have to buy will continue to rise even when fuel prices go down. *For Malaysia and other developing countries it is a case of 'heads I lose, tails you win' all the time. *Killing OPEC is likely to result in more [[Mexico|Mexicos]], rather than economic recovery. *The Kampuchea issue, if not resolved peacefully and promptly, will also become a threat to world peace and security as continued foreign occupation of Kampuchea has brought in its wake big power rivalry and involvement. *Malaysia welcomes the setting up of the Coalition Government of Democratic Kampuchea under the Presidency of His Highness Prince Sihanouk as a positive step towards the peaceful resolution of the Kampuchea issue. *We look forward to a world characterised by sincere and constructive partnership and cooperation between the developed and more fortunate countries and the developing and less fortunate ones for their mutual benefit. ====A talk on ethnic relations and nation building at a function organised by the Malaysian Social Science Association==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=18 A talk on ethnic relations and nation building, 12 January 1983]</small> *Science, as we know it, is not value-free. This is more so with social sciences. And certainly, a subject such as ethnic relations, which tends to have an emotional overtone cannot be expected to be presented or analysed with pure objectivity. *To be otherwise is to delude ourselves. It is a reality that we have to accept and live with... societies must learn to cope with ethnic problems if the world and human civilisation is to have a meaningful future. *The multiracial nature of our society is a fact. It is something that every Malaysian must accept, live and cope with. *Malay culture is really a mixed culture in which elements of Chinese and Indian cultures have been absorbed, albeit modified in form. *The task of moulding a common national culture and to integrate people of differing ethnic groups is... much more difficult today than it was before. *The New Economic Policy was conceived with the view to remove the identification of race with economic function. *While elements of the racial cultures of the different ethnic groups are incorporated into the national culture, each race continues to practise its distinct culture in the environment of its own society. *If the cultures of the non-indigenous peoples are made the basis of a Malaysian national culture, then Malaysia would become simply an appendage... of the countries from which those cultures come. *Ethnicity remains a thorn in the Malaysian body, stifling change and progress. But there is no choice for Malaysia and Malaysians. We just have to continue our efforts to bring the different ethnic groups together. *The only choice left to us is to make everyone equally unhappy... even the indigenous people are not getting all that they ask for, and are consequently just as unhappy and dissatisfied. *We know we have difficult periods in front of us, but with care and reduced ethnic overtones, and by channelling our energy to productive uses we can bring our vision to reality. ====Opening of the 7th Malaysian Economic Convention==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=60 Opening of the 7th Malaysian Economic Convention, 18 January 1983]</small> *It is important to re-examine policies, and make structural changes so that policies and structures do not become objectives in themselves, but rather the means of achieving economic, social and political targets. *Malaysia is a free enterprise nation but its economy is subject to a variety of regulations as are all free enterprise economies. *We are constantly reexamining ourselves. An Economic Panel was set up recently for this purpose. *The world is going through a very difficult period. The whole banking system is now being questioned and with it the financing of international trade and investments. *High interest rates in a nation which lives on credit mean lowered consumption, lowered inventories and lowered investments. *There are things that we can change. There are others that we cannot change. Is it worthwhile to knock our heads against stone walls or should we use the prepared passage or the soft spots which will let us through. *The NEP is one of the most liberal policies. Those who have decided to live with it have done extremely well. *There is a lot wanting in the way policies are implemented, and economic administration is carried out. *The Government may not accept all that you recommend, but we will not ignore your findings or your recommendations. ====Speech on learning from Japan’s work ethic==== ===1984=== ====Speech at United States==== <small>[https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/remarks-the-president-and-prime-minister-mahathir-bin-mohamad-malaysia-following-their Remarks of the President and Prime Minister Mahathir bin Mohamad of Malaysia Following Their Meetings]</small> *If you were to ask me what is it I would want the United States to do with regard to economic policy, my honest and simple response is for the U.S. economy to get ahead and regain its strength, for the healthier and more vibrant the U.S. economy becomes, the better it will be, not only for the United States and Malaysia but all the developing countries in the world. *We do not expect handouts in our search for a better tomorrow. What we look for are new areas of cooperation and collaboration, particularly in the area of economy and trade interchange to help us in the realization of our aspirations to be a more self-relying and progressive nation. *Where we differ in respect to perception or policy, I'm gratified to note that there is a willingness on the part of the United States to achieve closer understanding and cooperation. *We pledge to continue this friendly and cooperative relationship for mutual benefits. ===2000–present=== * It's quite obvious that when the {{w|Eastern bloc}} was still there, it was a bustle between [[capitalism]] and [[communism]]. Once {{w|Revolutions of 1989|communism was defeated}}, then capitalism could [[Globalization|expand]] and [[Neoliberalism|show its true self]]. It's no longer constrained by the need to be nice, so that people will choose their so-called free-market system as opposed to the centrally planned system. So because of that, nowadays there is nothing to restrain capital, and capital is demanding that it should be able to go anywhere and do whatever it likes. ** [https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/commandingheights/shared/minitext/int_mahathirbinmohamad.html "Commanding Heights"] interview with PBS (2 July 2001). * Clearly Islam the religion is not the cause of [[terrorism]]. Islam, as I said, is a [[religion of peace]]. However through the centuries, deviations from the true teachings of Islam take place. And so [people who call themselves] "Muslims" kill despite the injunction of their religion against killing especially of innocent people. ** Speech <!-- to the UN General Assembly --> in New York City {{cite web |url=http://asiasociety.org/islam-terrorism-and-malaysias-response?page=0,1 |title=Islam, Terrorism, and Malaysia's Response (page 2) |website=Asia Society |date=4 February 2002}} * History should remember Blair and Bush as the killers of children or as the lying prime minister and president. ** [[w:Kuala Lumpur Summit|Perdana conference]], Kuala Lumpur, cited in {{cite news|url=https://www.irishexaminer.com/world/arid-30296556.html|title=Malaysian ex-PM: Blair and Bush are 'evil murderers'|newspaper=Irish Examiner|date=5 October 2007}} * We need an opposition to remind us if we are making mistakes. When you are not opposed you think everything you do is right. ** [http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2005/12/11/nation/12838957&sec=nation ''The Star''] (Malaysian publication, December 2005). * I believe that the country should have a strong government but not too strong. A two-thirds majority like I enjoyed when I was prime minister is sufficient but a 90% majority is too strong. ** December 2005, on his successor [[Abdullah Ahmad Badawi]]'s Parliamentary majority of 92%. [http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2005/12/11/nation/12838957&sec=nation] *I believe that if that bastard leaves, we then won't be bastardised. **in reference to Prime Minister [[Najib Razak]] during [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFd_fCF5CdM a speech at Pasir Gudang] on 29 August 2015. Previously, Najib Razak had warned that Malaysian Malays would be "bastardised" were [[w:UMNO|UMNO]] to lose power in the government, raising controversy by using a swear word (Malay "bangsat", loosely translated as "anus") in his speech. * To be a great leader, one needs to have good strategies, be knowledgeable and able to predict the future. [http://www.malaysiakini.com/news/110479 "Dr M on what makes a great leader"] malaysiakini (13 August 2009) *We call upon all Malaysians, irrespective of race, religion, political situation, creed or parties, young and old, to join us in saving Malaysia from the government headed by Najib Razak. We must rid ourselves of Najib as prime minister. If he’s allowed to go on, the damage will be worse and worse. **Mahathir's move to oust Prime Minister Najib Razak, quote above read from a joint statement endorsed by prominent members from the ruling party, opposition, and civil society groups, quoted on ''Channel News Asia'', [http://www.channelnewsasia.com/news/asiapacific/dr-mahathir-movement-will/2575782.html "Dr Mahathir movement will be bad for country: Malaysia Foreign Affairs Minister"] (5 March 2016). ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} {{commons category|Mahathir Mohamad|Mahathir bin Mohamad}} [[Category:1925 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Prime Ministers of Malaysia]] [[Category:Muslims]] [[Category:Antisemites]] kpif2rnsvtmzxu0pbzptwsrl4bwrcog 3778738 3778737 2025-07-14T15:31:09Z 2402:1980:28B:3B7D:0:0:0:1 /* Speech on learning from Japan’s work ethic */ 3778738 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:PM Mahathir Mohamad gives press statement in Jakarta 2018-06-29.jpg|210px|thumb|Mahathir Mohamad in 2018]] '''[[w:Mahathir Mohamad|Mahathir Mohamad]]''' (born [[10 July]] [[1925]]) is a [[Malaysia|Malaysian]] politician who was the country's Prime Minister from 1981 to 2003 and 2018 to 2020. == Quotes == ===1981=== ====Opening of the ASEAN Travel Forum==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1427 Speech at the opening of the ASEAN Travel Forum, Genting Highlands, 20 October 1981]</small> *The coming together of ASEAN countries for the purpose of creating greater business opportunities for those involved in the tourist industry once again demonstrates ASEAN's determination to foster closer cooperation among member countries. *ASEAN firmly believes in regional cooperation as a means to achieve greater prosperity and stability for our region. *We have the potential to develop a wide variety of attractions within our region and these can indeed be promoted among our own people as well as among international visitors. *Let us put our heads together to evolve ways and means to develop the tourist industry in the ASEAN region. ====Third International Conference of Non-Governmental Organisations on Dadah Use Prevention and Control==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1621 Speech at the Third International Conference of Non-Governmental Organisations on Dadah Use Prevention and Control, Kuala Lumpur, 2 November 1981]</small> *Malaysia, like many other countries, is fully aware of the seriousness and complexity of the global problems of dadah use and substance abuse, and we fully endorse all international efforts, be it governmental or non-governmental, directed towards the eradication of this social menace. *The dadah problem in a sinister way is very democratic in that it does not discriminate against religion, racial descent, or socio-economic background of a person. *Malaysia comprehends the magnitude of the dadah problem. We have accordingly designated it as a security problem. *Insights, understanding and concepts are meaningless and empty unless bold action is taken to ensure results. *For us in Malaysia, the dadah problem is still our number one enemy. As a security problem, it will be given priority. *We cannot allow the expression "everybody’s responsibility is no one’s concern" to be true of dadah prevention. *Dadah is one enemy that we cannot say, "If we cannot fight its abuse, we can join in the abuse." *The obvious answer to the problem is to move on a broad front, to tackle both the underlying and the related dadah problem together. *ASEAN countries, who are both the source and the bearer of the brunt of the international dadah problem, merit greater attention of the world community. *In short, for the sake of future generations, we all have to respond actively, positively and urgently to overcome the dadah problem. ==== Speech at the ASEAN-U.S. Economic Conference ==== [https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1009 Speech at the ASEAN-U.S. Economic Conference, Kuala Lumpur Hilton, 18 November 1981] * What we need today if we are to achieve some semblance of a fair distribution of international wealth is sincerity based on true friendship and a clear understanding of the moral obligations that we all have towards each other. * Our economic policies are based on clear and definite political objectives. If we impose conditions on foreign investors, it is not because we grudge you your profits, but because we have a need to reconcile foreign economic incursions with national aspirations. * The political stability we achieve is, for you, much more worthwhile commercially than the short-term profits you might make. * We do not [[Nationalization|nationalize]], for example. [...] The predictability pertaining to economic policies is our asset. * The ASEAN nations are not intending to compete with the developed countries. Rather they wish to complement. * Malaysia is ruled by [[Conservatism|conservatives]] whose only desire is to develop the country for the benefit of the people. [[Radicalism]] and [[extremism]] has been rejected not only by the Government but also by the people. * We intend to have a firm grip [on inflation] through fiscal and monetary discipline. * I hope that you will take this opportunity to understand this region better and to explore ways and means of establishing better cooperation between American businessmen and financiers with ASEAN's counterparts. ====Speech during Visit to Singapore==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=3 Speech at a Dinner on the Occasion of the Visit to Singapore, 17 December 1981]</small> *An appreciation of differences is as important as the acknowledgement of the common historical and geo-political backgrounds in the fostering of understanding between our two countries. *We can always call up each other, and frankly discuss our mutual problems when they arise. *[[Singapore]]'s success story in the economic and social fields cannot but be a model for Malaysians rather than an object of envy. *What we do within our own country is contributory and complementary towards each other's progress. *The security of the region is the security of Malaysia. *The security apparatus of our two nations continue to cooperate closely against any subversive and criminal elements that could affect our stability even when political leaders are openly squabbling. *We live in a world of instant communication which has spawned instant events, instant interviews and instant comments. *ASEAN has proven to the world to be a viable and cohesive grouping. This credibility has to be sustained. *ASEAN's commitment transcends limited and localised national outlooks, and so renders possible a more daring programme for the future based on a peaceful and stable Southeast Asia. *We do not believe in double standards in the conduct of international relations. *Relations, if it is to be durable, must be based on the mutually accepted norms of equality and respect. There cannot be any compromise on this. *For us to opt for super-power collusion would be submitting ourselves to be pawns in their conflicts and rivalries. *The development of good relationship between our two countries is also a task for the leaders as well as of the people. ===1982=== ====Opening of the 12th ASEAN Economic Ministers Meeting==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=937 Speech at the opening of the 12th ASEAN Economic Ministers Meeting, Kuala Lumpur Hilton, 14 January 1982]</small> *Malaysia’s adherence to the principles of ASEAN cooperation is not altruistic. It is enlightened self-interest. *We cannot prosper alone in a region that is in turmoil and unstable. To prosper we have to have the kind of regional environment that is conducive to economic growth. *ASEAN should inject new ideas in industrial cooperation... the country with the biggest market would enjoy the most benefits even if the product was manufactured by a smaller country. *In industrial complementation, perhaps the private sector should play a more vigorous role. *We are heavily dependent on external services in shipping, and the rising freight charges are an additional burden to the balance of payments of ASEAN countries. *ASEAN as a whole constitutes a major producer of conventional energy such as gas and petroleum. Yet we lack the infrastructure and technology to fully exploit our natural resources. *Despite our disappointment in solving commodity problems, ASEAN should continue to adopt a collective approach and joint efforts in pursuing international economic issues. *ASEAN’s resilience and success serves as a model and shining example to other developing countries on meaningful economic cooperation. ====Opening of the Fourth AIPO General Assembly==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1509 Speech at the opening of the Fourth General Assembly of the ASEAN Inter-Parliamentary Organisation, Parliament House, Kuala Lumpur, 2 February 1982]</small> *We are indeed very happy to have this privilege of hosting the Fourth General Assembly of the ASEAN Inter-Parliamentary Organisation or AIPO. *Despite the various efforts made by us to secure fair terms of trade, we have, we must admit, largely been unsuccessful. *The aspirations of the peoples and Governments of our countries for a New International Economic Order have not only been ignored but their terms of trade continue to be made more inequitable. *We in Southeast Asia have entered an era fraught with unprecedented perils. *The ASEAN Parliament may yet be a forum for the successful coordination of our development and progress. ====Opening of the 5th MAJECA/JAMECA Conference==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=978 Speech at the opening of the 5th Joint Annual Conference of the Malaysia-Japan Economic Association and Japan-Malaysia Economic Association, Kuala Lumpur Hilton, 8 February 1982]</small> *Lately I have been exhorting Malaysians to emulate the Japanese, particularly in work ethics and ethical values. *The West is no longer a suitable model. They have lost their drive. They still want the good life but are not prepared to face the realities of a world market which they can no longer dominate. *When we ask Malaysians to look East, it is not so much your living standard that we are thinking about. That will come... What we are interested in is your work ethics. *It is not just skills we are after, but more importantly, the correct attitude to work, including the sense of belonging, which breeds loyalty. *A prosperous Malaysia will make a better customer and trading partner for [[Japan]]. *It is high time that our businessmen go international and venture to where the markets are, instead of waiting for the markets to come to them. ====Dinner in Honour of Premier Li Jong Ok==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1089 Speech at the dinner in honour of His Excellency Mr. Li Jong Ok, Premier of the Administrative Council of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, Parliament House, Kuala Lumpur, 11 February 1982]</small> *Malaysia has always followed a consistent policy of establishing friendly relations and mutual cooperation with all countries, irrespective of ideology or political systems. *Your Excellency's visit is an important milestone in the development of our bilateral relations. *It is our desire to see the emergence of a coalition government that is truly representative of the people of [[Cambodia|Kampuchea]]. *As non-aligned countries, both the [[North Korea|Democratic People's Republic of Korea]] and Malaysia can play a constructive role in bringing about the peace that we so desire in our respective regions. *Malaysia and the Democratic People's Republic of Korea share similar aspirations... to develop our respective economies and improve the standard of living of our respective peoples. ====Second International Symposium on Savings==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1570 Speech at the Second International Symposium on the Mobilisation of Personal Savings in Developing Countries, Hilton Kuala Lumpur, 15 March 1982]</small> *Our ability to raise adequate domestic savings to finance our development efforts is a necessary precondition, if we are to succeed in re-structuring our economies to cope with the rapid transformation that is taking place in the world economy today. *Despite the talk and widespread publicity on foreign assistance, be they official development aid or foreign direct investment, we have all along been depending on ourselves. *The function of any sound financial system should not only be to intermediate between the savers and the investors, but also to ensure that the less advantaged groups have access to adequate credit at reasonable cost. *The prices of our primary commodities are set by conveniently labelled 'supply and demand forces' located in the industrial countries. *The developing countries must seek ways and means of gaining entree into the market place. They should do so not individually but in cooperation with each other. ====Dinner in Honour of PM Van Agt==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1073 Speech at the dinner in honour of His Excellency Mr. A.A.M. Van Agt, Prime Minister of the Netherlands, Parliament House, Kuala Lumpur, 15 March 1982]</small> *Your Excellency's visit which is the first by a Prime Minister of the Netherlands is indeed an honour for Malaysia. *I have no doubt that your visit will further strengthen the relations and foster greater cooperation between our two countries. *Your support for the aspirations of the developing countries to effect structural changes to the international economic order cannot go without special mention. *Malaysia has of late become disenchanted with what is said to be a free market for commodity trading, particularly tin. *We are urging a producers' association, not in order to jack up prices or to hold the world to ransom, but in order to get fair prices while continuing to stay in the market. *We do hope that actual direct trade with the [[Netherlands]] will increase. *We are happy to see increased interest by [[Dutch people|Dutch]] businessmen in investment opportunities in Malaysia. *We will not nationalise or expropriate in any way. *If your shares or your companies are up for sale then we reserve the right to buy if we think that it is worthwhile. *Malaysia as a member of ASEAN is committed to improve the quality of life of our peoples and to enhance their general well-being. *We have made it clear that we cannot accept military intervention as a means of settling a zonal problem. *We firmly believe that such a solution would pave the way for the realisation of our objective of a Zone of Peace, Freedom and Neutrality in Southeast Asia. *Your visit stimulates not only the common desire to enhance further our bilateral relations but also reinforces the political will and commitment to the search for peace for the benefit of all concerned. *We share identical views on many issues of regional and international importance. ====National Seminar on Productivity==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1289 Speech at the National Seminar on Productivity, Hilton Hotel, Kuala Lumpur, 5 April 1982]</small> *We must face a future where we must stand on our own feet without the benefit of help from other sources. *Productivity means increased output without an equal increase in monetary input. *Work should be enjoyed in the same way that we enjoy playing. *No one is indispensable because everyone is indispensable. *A bored worker is as bad as a bored player. He does not win. A bored worker does not produce. *What we need is a drastic change in attitude on the part of everybody concerned. *The only answer is greater productivity. *Everyone should instill in himself a sense of responsibility both to himself and to his country. *If we can improve our attitudes and regard waste in all its forms as an unforgivable crime directed against ourselves, then we will achieve that high level of productivity so essential to our national development. *Japan’s greatest asset is human resource in the form of disciplined, hard working people. ====1982 Radio Malaysia Election Speech==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=915 Mahathir's 1982 radio address on elections, unity, and governance]</small> *Only a strong Government can champion the cause of the people and bring stability and prosperity to the country. *The National Front is a team. Its strength lies in its team spirit. *We believe that the people who should inherit this country and continue with the struggle to achieve our national aspiration shall be the people who believe and uphold the Rukunegara. ====State Feast in Tonga==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1611 State Feast, Nukuʻalofa, Tonga]</small> *In our interdependent world we have to help and stand by each other. *Today many traditional ways and customs of our forefathers seem to dissipate readily and be discarded. *Stretches of ocean lie between our lands but it is never too far or too difficult for us to keep in touch. ====Commonwealth Science Council Meeting==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=938 12th Meeting of the Commonwealth Science Council, 24 August 1982]</small> * Scientific and technological knowledge like all other forms of knowledge, we believe, increases as you share it with others. * The poor countries need help — not handouts, but a helping hand for their development. * The scientific knowledge and technology of the West cannot be simply imported into the country. It must be properly adjusted and adapted in order to fit into the special needs and requirements of the nation. * We are not about to invent the wheel again, but the application of discoveries and inventions originating elsewhere is part of the exercise in self-reliance. * Only the most primitive of the discarded industries will find a place in the developing world. * Scientific knowledge should be used not merely for material development, but also for the enhancement of the quality of life, and the achievement of peace and harmony. * The community of nations has not yet accepted the principle that the rich should help the poor. * Developing countries are so designated because they are relatively poor. If they are going to be able to buy from the developed countries, they must be helped to attain the financial capacity to do so. ====ASEAN–Japan Symposium==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=979 Speech at the 5th ASEAN–Japan Symposium, 24 August 1982]</small> *ASEAN today is faced with two major problems — one, the instability and uncertainty caused by the situation in Indochina; the second major problem arises out of the current world recession which threatens to retard the industrialisation efforts of the ASEAN countries. *The developed countries have opted for protectionism as a panacea for their ailing industries. If this tendency is not checked, not only would the exports of developing countries be affected but their development and industrialisation efforts would be seriously hampered. *ASEAN would pursue the creation of a Zone of Peace, Freedom and Neutrality in Southeast Asia. The leaders of ASEAN firmly believe that given their freedom from superpower dominance and interference, neighbouring states could successfully set aside their differences to forge a common purpose. *These opportunities were, however, lost when Vietnam intervened militarily and occupied Kampuchea. This she did with the open support of the Soviet Union. *ASEAN's approach to the solution of the Kampuchean problem is aimed at establishing a sovereign, independent and neutral Kampuchea respected and guaranteed by the great powers. *It has long been recognised that the political situation in Southeast Asia, directly or indirectly, impinges on Japan's economic and strategic interests. A prosperous and stable ASEAN is important to the maintenance of peace and stability in the region and therefore merits Japan's support. *Looking East does not mean total Japanization, or a complete break with the West. But it certainly means the almost total dependence on the West will be replaced by a more balanced attitude towards both East and West. *Our ‘Look East’ policy should not just be a one-way traffic. We seek the close cooperation, understanding and assistance not only from the Japanese Government but also from the Japanese public. ====The Presentation and Closing Ceremony of the 27th Asian Film Festival==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1553 Selected quotations from the 27th Asian Film Festival closing speech, 14 September 1982]</small> *Film makers, whether they are producers, directors, script writers, actors and actresses, are endowed with such special qualities that they can contribute in one way or the other towards the happiness of their audience. *They can make the audience happy or they can make them cry. They can make them knowledgeable or they can confuse them absolutely. *Above all they can inculcate positive values so essential to nation building and the development processes. *In the context of developing Malaysia, I see their vast potential in putting across our commitments and reassuring Malaysians of the targets of the nation's strategy in sustaining the growth of a happy and vibrant country as envisaged in our New Economic Policy. *However to be truly profitable local films must be good enough to be shown outside of this country. *Let your success inspire you to greater achievements. ====The Asia Society and the Council of Foreign Relations speech==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1020 Selected quotations from the Asia Society and Council on Foreign Relations speech, 28 September 1982]</small> *The European Economic Community uses economic power to continue political domination. The United States too was drawn into this grouping, thus adding strength to the domination of European countries over their former colonies. *ASEAN is not a strategic concept designed to overawe its neighbours. It was an ad hoc solution to a communications problem between neighbours who were strangers to each other. *Once it was formed, much more was expected of ASEAN than was ever in the minds of the founders. *The five countries of ASEAN are ethnically similar, but historically and politically diverse. *Foreign holdings were forcibly nationalised. But learning from the other ASEAN countries that such was not the route to prosperity, nationalisation was dropped. *All the ASEAN countries are now believers in free trade and free enterprise. Foreign capital is welcome by all. *ASEAN has brought prosperity and stability. Although it is not a military grouping, it can coordinate its policies to deter the kind of adventures that countries standing alone and economically troubled attract. ====The 37th Session of the United Nations General Assembly speech==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=964 Selected quotations from the 37th United Nations General Assembly speech, 29 September 1982]</small> *Might is now the only thing that is right. Weak countries like [[Afghanistan]], Kampuchea and [[Lebanon]] are trodden over by the boots of invading armies as the rest of the world stood by. *The credibility of the [[United Nations]] is at stake. The United Nations must regain its credibility. *The foreign military invasion and continued occupation of Kampuchea is a crime against the Kampuchean people and a threat to regional peace and security. *Nobody, not even a people who had suffered as much as the Jews had, have the right to inflict upon others the horrors of Sabra and Shatila. *[[Israel]] is a bully. If it is any bigger or stronger the world will not be safe. *Those weapons are for nothing less than murder. *To the developing nations, the continuance of the Afghan nationalist struggle is crucial. *Apartheid... is a travesty of justice and is an affront to human dignity. *Our patience and sense of fair-play is being taxed to the limit with the market manipulations abroad which in effect reduce our people to underpaid labourers. *The various exchanges located in the developed countries literally manipulate prices in order to make a profit for the brokers, the dealers, the speculators and others. *It is a case of heads you win, tails I lose. *The stockpile is merely a rich nation’s monopolistic weapon used to depress prices of commodities for the benefit of the consumers. *This world-wide depression is man-made. It is made in the powerful countries by short-sighted people. *There will be violence, riots and revolutions. Governments will fall and anarchy will prevail. *The world has suffered enough from this depression. We need action now. *The uninhabited lands of Antarctica... do not legally belong to the discoverers as much as the colonial territories do not belong to the colonial powers. *Historical episodes are not facts that can substantiate claims. *Israel continues to propagate the myth of the non-existence of the Palestinian people. ====Statement on Regional Economic and Functional Co-operation (CHOGRM III)==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=924 Selected quotations from Mahathir's CHOGRM III speech, Suva, Fiji, 18 October 1982]</small> *We in Malaysia too see the need for the injection of greater assistance to the South Pacific island countries so as to enable them to build up their national resilience and independence. *The Commonwealth is now on test. If the Commonwealth countries in our region cannot actualise economic and functional cooperation, the prestige of the Commonwealth itself will go down. *Some industrially developed nations really feel free to scour and devour the developing nations by their exploitative methods and practices. *They seem incapable of realizing that such libertine activities would only lead to the destruction of the free enterprise system itself. *Our advice to these countries should be that they talk less of their generosity to provide assistance to the poor nations and instead undertake a thorough soul-searching examination. ====State Dinner with Prime Minister Michael Somare of Papua New Guinea==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=17 Papua New Guinea Dinner Speech, 19 October 1982]</small> *The Government of Malaysia fully subscribes to the concept of economic and technical cooperation among developing countries. Malaysians are ready to participate in practical economic and technical programmes with [[Papua New Guinea]]. We are your 'wantoks'. *The spinoffs of better understanding and goodwill from increased contact and cooperation between our peoples will surely strengthen our friendship. *Malaysia is extremely unhappy at the manipulation of commodity prices by the various exchanges located in the developed countries. Scant regard is paid to the producers. To ensure reasonable prices, such an unhealthy system has to be dismantled. ====Opening of the ASEAN Law Association General Assembly==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1463 ASEAN Law Association Speech (26 Oct 1982)]</small> *I believe in the supremacy of the Constitution. The Malaysian Government will faithfully do its duty as guaranteed to minorities, rights guaranteed to the citizen and in some cases to the non-citizen also. The Constitution is not infallible, having been drafted by mere man. Hence the Constitution also provides for its amendment no doubt to make it compatible with changing times. But the conditions for amendments are such that the Constitution cannot be trifled with at will. *No man is above the law, not even those in power. Those in power are in fact trustees and their duty is to promote the public good, not self-enrichment. *During your deliberations it is only proper that as professionals you focus on legal justice. But I would like to point out that apart from legal justice, there are other kinds of justice which are also desirable that we should achieve, and that is economic and social justice. The former [[President of the United States]], Mr. [[Jimmy Carter|Carter]] in a speech to American lawyers said that in the [[United States]] there are many judges and many lawyers but not enough justice. He was referring to legal justice. As head of the Government I am acutely aware of the need to provide the broader kind of justice that I mentioned. *Each of these systems is designed to regulate in a fair manner the relations of man, the relations between man and the State; and prescribes a just way of resolving disputes among them. But each system follows different paths. Your deliberations should over a period of time produce a synthesis of laws for the benefit of the whole of ASEAN. ====Official Dinner Speech in Bangkok with Thai Prime Minister Prem Tinsulanonda==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1334 Mahathir–Prem Official Dinner, Bangkok (8 December 1982)]</small> *As close neighbours, common sense dictates that in our relations with each other there can be no alternative to mutual trust and the willingness to work together in facing our common problems. Indeed, our two countries are also brought together because of our affinity for each other and the many common perceptions we share. *The corner-stone of Malaysia's foreign policy vis-a-vis [[Thailand]] is, and will always be, one of good neighbourliness through mutual assistance and cooperation. *These are troubled times: not only have we to contend with a major world-wide economic recession, but also serious challenges to the peace and stability of our region. It is, therefore, all the more imperative that we continue working together both bilaterally and within the context of ASEAN. *Malaysia will work closely with Thailand for the preservation of peace and stability in the region. *It is through this ASEAN spirit and our commitment to the objectives of ASEAN that today we have in our region an association of nations that we can be justly proud of, for the simple reason that it works. *The motive-force for the success of ASEAN lies in our firm belief in peace and in working together for the prosperity of all in the region. *[[Vietnam]]'s military intervention and continued occupation of Kampuchea represents not only a direct interference in the internal affairs of the country, but a threat to the peace and stability of the whole region. The establishment of the Coalition Government of Democratic Kampuchea headed by His Highness Prince [[Norodom Sihanouk]] is a positive development. ====Official Dinner Speech Honouring French Prime Minister Pierre Mauroy==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1365 Mahathir–Pierre Mauroy Official Dinner, Kuala Lumpur (13 December 1982)]</small> *Your visit to Malaysia, Excellency, is the first ever by a Prime Minister of France. I am confident that your visit will contribute to the strengthening of the existing close ties of friendship and cooperation between our two countries. *While France may not be among Malaysia's major trading partners, she has participated in and contributed to our economic development in the past and continues to do so presently. *In adopting a 'Look East' policy in order to balance foreign influences on our national development, we are not turning our backs on the West completely. The West remains an important partner in our development efforts and French expertise, technology and investment are always welcome. *France... has of late introduced a ruling requiring that all customs import-documents be prepared in French. This is certainly an impediment to a freer flow of trade and constitutes another form of non-tariff barrier. *Imagine the consternation among French exporters if Malaysia were to insist that they must use Bahasa Malaysia in all their documentation. *Trade missions coming to sell goods here should bring along investors as well. We need investment in new projects to support our industrialisation programme. *What we would like to see is an offset programme whereby purchases and contracts are linked with economic reciprocity of one kind or another. *To achieve this objective of regional peace and stability, Malaysia, together with her partners in ASEAN, declared their resolve to make Southeast Asia a Zone of Peace, Freedom and Neutrality (ZOPFAN). *Our relations with countries of the region and beyond are based on the principles of respect for one another's independence, sovereignty and territorial integrity, non-interference in each other's internal affairs and non-use of force or threat of use of force. *The protraction of the situation in Kampuchea continues to pose a serious threat to regional peace and stability besides encouraging outside involvement and interference in the region. The formation of the Coalition Government of Democratic Kampuchea under the Presidency of His Highness Prince Norodom Sihanouk is a welcome development towards achieving such a negotiated political settlement of the Kampuchean issue. *Towards this end, we would urge that France, a country which has historical links with countries in this region, to contribute positively to the political solution of the Kampuchean issue. ===1983=== ====Official dinner in honour of the Rt. Hon. [[Pierre Trudeau|Pierre Elliott Trudeau]], Prime Minister of Canada==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=52 Official dinner in honour of Canadian Prime Minister Pierre Elliott Trudeau, 10 January 1983]</small> *Change and development are integral to any society and nation. The problem that confronts societies and nations, however, is that not all developments are for the better. *Malaysia, within this context, welcomes [[Canada|Canadian]] participation in our current national development endeavours, as outlined in the Fourth Malaysia Plan. *Canada-ASEAN relations can become the model of cooperation between a developed country and a group of developing countries, based on partnership on equal terms and common interest. *[[International law]] and order has truly broken down, giving rise to a situation where might and right is almost synonymous. *What is needed is the full backing of the powerful nations. They must revitalise the Organisation which they had created. *We are quite sure that the prices of all manufactured products that developing countries have to buy will continue to rise even when fuel prices go down. *For Malaysia and other developing countries it is a case of 'heads I lose, tails you win' all the time. *Killing OPEC is likely to result in more [[Mexico|Mexicos]], rather than economic recovery. *The Kampuchea issue, if not resolved peacefully and promptly, will also become a threat to world peace and security as continued foreign occupation of Kampuchea has brought in its wake big power rivalry and involvement. *Malaysia welcomes the setting up of the Coalition Government of Democratic Kampuchea under the Presidency of His Highness Prince Sihanouk as a positive step towards the peaceful resolution of the Kampuchea issue. *We look forward to a world characterised by sincere and constructive partnership and cooperation between the developed and more fortunate countries and the developing and less fortunate ones for their mutual benefit. ====A talk on ethnic relations and nation building at a function organised by the Malaysian Social Science Association==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=18 A talk on ethnic relations and nation building, 12 January 1983]</small> *Science, as we know it, is not value-free. This is more so with social sciences. And certainly, a subject such as ethnic relations, which tends to have an emotional overtone cannot be expected to be presented or analysed with pure objectivity. *To be otherwise is to delude ourselves. It is a reality that we have to accept and live with... societies must learn to cope with ethnic problems if the world and human civilisation is to have a meaningful future. *The multiracial nature of our society is a fact. It is something that every Malaysian must accept, live and cope with. *Malay culture is really a mixed culture in which elements of Chinese and Indian cultures have been absorbed, albeit modified in form. *The task of moulding a common national culture and to integrate people of differing ethnic groups is... much more difficult today than it was before. *The New Economic Policy was conceived with the view to remove the identification of race with economic function. *While elements of the racial cultures of the different ethnic groups are incorporated into the national culture, each race continues to practise its distinct culture in the environment of its own society. *If the cultures of the non-indigenous peoples are made the basis of a Malaysian national culture, then Malaysia would become simply an appendage... of the countries from which those cultures come. *Ethnicity remains a thorn in the Malaysian body, stifling change and progress. But there is no choice for Malaysia and Malaysians. We just have to continue our efforts to bring the different ethnic groups together. *The only choice left to us is to make everyone equally unhappy... even the indigenous people are not getting all that they ask for, and are consequently just as unhappy and dissatisfied. *We know we have difficult periods in front of us, but with care and reduced ethnic overtones, and by channelling our energy to productive uses we can bring our vision to reality. ====Opening of the 7th Malaysian Economic Convention==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=60 Opening of the 7th Malaysian Economic Convention, 18 January 1983]</small> *It is important to re-examine policies, and make structural changes so that policies and structures do not become objectives in themselves, but rather the means of achieving economic, social and political targets. *Malaysia is a free enterprise nation but its economy is subject to a variety of regulations as are all free enterprise economies. *We are constantly reexamining ourselves. An Economic Panel was set up recently for this purpose. *The world is going through a very difficult period. The whole banking system is now being questioned and with it the financing of international trade and investments. *High interest rates in a nation which lives on credit mean lowered consumption, lowered inventories and lowered investments. *There are things that we can change. There are others that we cannot change. Is it worthwhile to knock our heads against stone walls or should we use the prepared passage or the soft spots which will let us through. *The NEP is one of the most liberal policies. Those who have decided to live with it have done extremely well. *There is a lot wanting in the way policies are implemented, and economic administration is carried out. *The Government may not accept all that you recommend, but we will not ignore your findings or your recommendations. ====Speech on learning from Japan’s work ethic==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=46 Official dinner speech at the residence of Prime Minister Yasuhiro Nakasone, Tokyo – 24 January 1983]</small> ===1984=== ====Speech at United States==== <small>[https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/remarks-the-president-and-prime-minister-mahathir-bin-mohamad-malaysia-following-their Remarks of the President and Prime Minister Mahathir bin Mohamad of Malaysia Following Their Meetings]</small> *If you were to ask me what is it I would want the United States to do with regard to economic policy, my honest and simple response is for the U.S. economy to get ahead and regain its strength, for the healthier and more vibrant the U.S. economy becomes, the better it will be, not only for the United States and Malaysia but all the developing countries in the world. *We do not expect handouts in our search for a better tomorrow. What we look for are new areas of cooperation and collaboration, particularly in the area of economy and trade interchange to help us in the realization of our aspirations to be a more self-relying and progressive nation. *Where we differ in respect to perception or policy, I'm gratified to note that there is a willingness on the part of the United States to achieve closer understanding and cooperation. *We pledge to continue this friendly and cooperative relationship for mutual benefits. ===2000–present=== * It's quite obvious that when the {{w|Eastern bloc}} was still there, it was a bustle between [[capitalism]] and [[communism]]. Once {{w|Revolutions of 1989|communism was defeated}}, then capitalism could [[Globalization|expand]] and [[Neoliberalism|show its true self]]. It's no longer constrained by the need to be nice, so that people will choose their so-called free-market system as opposed to the centrally planned system. So because of that, nowadays there is nothing to restrain capital, and capital is demanding that it should be able to go anywhere and do whatever it likes. ** [https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/commandingheights/shared/minitext/int_mahathirbinmohamad.html "Commanding Heights"] interview with PBS (2 July 2001). * Clearly Islam the religion is not the cause of [[terrorism]]. Islam, as I said, is a [[religion of peace]]. However through the centuries, deviations from the true teachings of Islam take place. And so [people who call themselves] "Muslims" kill despite the injunction of their religion against killing especially of innocent people. ** Speech <!-- to the UN General Assembly --> in New York City {{cite web |url=http://asiasociety.org/islam-terrorism-and-malaysias-response?page=0,1 |title=Islam, Terrorism, and Malaysia's Response (page 2) |website=Asia Society |date=4 February 2002}} * History should remember Blair and Bush as the killers of children or as the lying prime minister and president. ** [[w:Kuala Lumpur Summit|Perdana conference]], Kuala Lumpur, cited in {{cite news|url=https://www.irishexaminer.com/world/arid-30296556.html|title=Malaysian ex-PM: Blair and Bush are 'evil murderers'|newspaper=Irish Examiner|date=5 October 2007}} * We need an opposition to remind us if we are making mistakes. When you are not opposed you think everything you do is right. ** [http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2005/12/11/nation/12838957&sec=nation ''The Star''] (Malaysian publication, December 2005). * I believe that the country should have a strong government but not too strong. A two-thirds majority like I enjoyed when I was prime minister is sufficient but a 90% majority is too strong. ** December 2005, on his successor [[Abdullah Ahmad Badawi]]'s Parliamentary majority of 92%. [http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2005/12/11/nation/12838957&sec=nation] *I believe that if that bastard leaves, we then won't be bastardised. **in reference to Prime Minister [[Najib Razak]] during [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFd_fCF5CdM a speech at Pasir Gudang] on 29 August 2015. Previously, Najib Razak had warned that Malaysian Malays would be "bastardised" were [[w:UMNO|UMNO]] to lose power in the government, raising controversy by using a swear word (Malay "bangsat", loosely translated as "anus") in his speech. * To be a great leader, one needs to have good strategies, be knowledgeable and able to predict the future. [http://www.malaysiakini.com/news/110479 "Dr M on what makes a great leader"] malaysiakini (13 August 2009) *We call upon all Malaysians, irrespective of race, religion, political situation, creed or parties, young and old, to join us in saving Malaysia from the government headed by Najib Razak. We must rid ourselves of Najib as prime minister. If he’s allowed to go on, the damage will be worse and worse. **Mahathir's move to oust Prime Minister Najib Razak, quote above read from a joint statement endorsed by prominent members from the ruling party, opposition, and civil society groups, quoted on ''Channel News Asia'', [http://www.channelnewsasia.com/news/asiapacific/dr-mahathir-movement-will/2575782.html "Dr Mahathir movement will be bad for country: Malaysia Foreign Affairs Minister"] (5 March 2016). ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} {{commons category|Mahathir Mohamad|Mahathir bin Mohamad}} [[Category:1925 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Prime Ministers of Malaysia]] [[Category:Muslims]] [[Category:Antisemites]] 0f14trlv8ektqsol02nfr0st2r39ssr 3778741 3778738 2025-07-14T15:32:51Z 2402:1980:28B:3B7D:0:0:0:1 /* Speech on learning from Japan’s work ethic */ 3778741 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:PM Mahathir Mohamad gives press statement in Jakarta 2018-06-29.jpg|210px|thumb|Mahathir Mohamad in 2018]] '''[[w:Mahathir Mohamad|Mahathir Mohamad]]''' (born [[10 July]] [[1925]]) is a [[Malaysia|Malaysian]] politician who was the country's Prime Minister from 1981 to 2003 and 2018 to 2020. == Quotes == ===1981=== ====Opening of the ASEAN Travel Forum==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1427 Speech at the opening of the ASEAN Travel Forum, Genting Highlands, 20 October 1981]</small> *The coming together of ASEAN countries for the purpose of creating greater business opportunities for those involved in the tourist industry once again demonstrates ASEAN's determination to foster closer cooperation among member countries. *ASEAN firmly believes in regional cooperation as a means to achieve greater prosperity and stability for our region. *We have the potential to develop a wide variety of attractions within our region and these can indeed be promoted among our own people as well as among international visitors. *Let us put our heads together to evolve ways and means to develop the tourist industry in the ASEAN region. ====Third International Conference of Non-Governmental Organisations on Dadah Use Prevention and Control==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1621 Speech at the Third International Conference of Non-Governmental Organisations on Dadah Use Prevention and Control, Kuala Lumpur, 2 November 1981]</small> *Malaysia, like many other countries, is fully aware of the seriousness and complexity of the global problems of dadah use and substance abuse, and we fully endorse all international efforts, be it governmental or non-governmental, directed towards the eradication of this social menace. *The dadah problem in a sinister way is very democratic in that it does not discriminate against religion, racial descent, or socio-economic background of a person. *Malaysia comprehends the magnitude of the dadah problem. We have accordingly designated it as a security problem. *Insights, understanding and concepts are meaningless and empty unless bold action is taken to ensure results. *For us in Malaysia, the dadah problem is still our number one enemy. As a security problem, it will be given priority. *We cannot allow the expression "everybody’s responsibility is no one’s concern" to be true of dadah prevention. *Dadah is one enemy that we cannot say, "If we cannot fight its abuse, we can join in the abuse." *The obvious answer to the problem is to move on a broad front, to tackle both the underlying and the related dadah problem together. *ASEAN countries, who are both the source and the bearer of the brunt of the international dadah problem, merit greater attention of the world community. *In short, for the sake of future generations, we all have to respond actively, positively and urgently to overcome the dadah problem. ==== Speech at the ASEAN-U.S. Economic Conference ==== [https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1009 Speech at the ASEAN-U.S. Economic Conference, Kuala Lumpur Hilton, 18 November 1981] * What we need today if we are to achieve some semblance of a fair distribution of international wealth is sincerity based on true friendship and a clear understanding of the moral obligations that we all have towards each other. * Our economic policies are based on clear and definite political objectives. If we impose conditions on foreign investors, it is not because we grudge you your profits, but because we have a need to reconcile foreign economic incursions with national aspirations. * The political stability we achieve is, for you, much more worthwhile commercially than the short-term profits you might make. * We do not [[Nationalization|nationalize]], for example. [...] The predictability pertaining to economic policies is our asset. * The ASEAN nations are not intending to compete with the developed countries. Rather they wish to complement. * Malaysia is ruled by [[Conservatism|conservatives]] whose only desire is to develop the country for the benefit of the people. [[Radicalism]] and [[extremism]] has been rejected not only by the Government but also by the people. * We intend to have a firm grip [on inflation] through fiscal and monetary discipline. * I hope that you will take this opportunity to understand this region better and to explore ways and means of establishing better cooperation between American businessmen and financiers with ASEAN's counterparts. ====Speech during Visit to Singapore==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=3 Speech at a Dinner on the Occasion of the Visit to Singapore, 17 December 1981]</small> *An appreciation of differences is as important as the acknowledgement of the common historical and geo-political backgrounds in the fostering of understanding between our two countries. *We can always call up each other, and frankly discuss our mutual problems when they arise. *[[Singapore]]'s success story in the economic and social fields cannot but be a model for Malaysians rather than an object of envy. *What we do within our own country is contributory and complementary towards each other's progress. *The security of the region is the security of Malaysia. *The security apparatus of our two nations continue to cooperate closely against any subversive and criminal elements that could affect our stability even when political leaders are openly squabbling. *We live in a world of instant communication which has spawned instant events, instant interviews and instant comments. *ASEAN has proven to the world to be a viable and cohesive grouping. This credibility has to be sustained. *ASEAN's commitment transcends limited and localised national outlooks, and so renders possible a more daring programme for the future based on a peaceful and stable Southeast Asia. *We do not believe in double standards in the conduct of international relations. *Relations, if it is to be durable, must be based on the mutually accepted norms of equality and respect. There cannot be any compromise on this. *For us to opt for super-power collusion would be submitting ourselves to be pawns in their conflicts and rivalries. *The development of good relationship between our two countries is also a task for the leaders as well as of the people. ===1982=== ====Opening of the 12th ASEAN Economic Ministers Meeting==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=937 Speech at the opening of the 12th ASEAN Economic Ministers Meeting, Kuala Lumpur Hilton, 14 January 1982]</small> *Malaysia’s adherence to the principles of ASEAN cooperation is not altruistic. It is enlightened self-interest. *We cannot prosper alone in a region that is in turmoil and unstable. To prosper we have to have the kind of regional environment that is conducive to economic growth. *ASEAN should inject new ideas in industrial cooperation... the country with the biggest market would enjoy the most benefits even if the product was manufactured by a smaller country. *In industrial complementation, perhaps the private sector should play a more vigorous role. *We are heavily dependent on external services in shipping, and the rising freight charges are an additional burden to the balance of payments of ASEAN countries. *ASEAN as a whole constitutes a major producer of conventional energy such as gas and petroleum. Yet we lack the infrastructure and technology to fully exploit our natural resources. *Despite our disappointment in solving commodity problems, ASEAN should continue to adopt a collective approach and joint efforts in pursuing international economic issues. *ASEAN’s resilience and success serves as a model and shining example to other developing countries on meaningful economic cooperation. ====Opening of the Fourth AIPO General Assembly==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1509 Speech at the opening of the Fourth General Assembly of the ASEAN Inter-Parliamentary Organisation, Parliament House, Kuala Lumpur, 2 February 1982]</small> *We are indeed very happy to have this privilege of hosting the Fourth General Assembly of the ASEAN Inter-Parliamentary Organisation or AIPO. *Despite the various efforts made by us to secure fair terms of trade, we have, we must admit, largely been unsuccessful. *The aspirations of the peoples and Governments of our countries for a New International Economic Order have not only been ignored but their terms of trade continue to be made more inequitable. *We in Southeast Asia have entered an era fraught with unprecedented perils. *The ASEAN Parliament may yet be a forum for the successful coordination of our development and progress. ====Opening of the 5th MAJECA/JAMECA Conference==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=978 Speech at the opening of the 5th Joint Annual Conference of the Malaysia-Japan Economic Association and Japan-Malaysia Economic Association, Kuala Lumpur Hilton, 8 February 1982]</small> *Lately I have been exhorting Malaysians to emulate the Japanese, particularly in work ethics and ethical values. *The West is no longer a suitable model. They have lost their drive. They still want the good life but are not prepared to face the realities of a world market which they can no longer dominate. *When we ask Malaysians to look East, it is not so much your living standard that we are thinking about. That will come... What we are interested in is your work ethics. *It is not just skills we are after, but more importantly, the correct attitude to work, including the sense of belonging, which breeds loyalty. *A prosperous Malaysia will make a better customer and trading partner for [[Japan]]. *It is high time that our businessmen go international and venture to where the markets are, instead of waiting for the markets to come to them. ====Dinner in Honour of Premier Li Jong Ok==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1089 Speech at the dinner in honour of His Excellency Mr. Li Jong Ok, Premier of the Administrative Council of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, Parliament House, Kuala Lumpur, 11 February 1982]</small> *Malaysia has always followed a consistent policy of establishing friendly relations and mutual cooperation with all countries, irrespective of ideology or political systems. *Your Excellency's visit is an important milestone in the development of our bilateral relations. *It is our desire to see the emergence of a coalition government that is truly representative of the people of [[Cambodia|Kampuchea]]. *As non-aligned countries, both the [[North Korea|Democratic People's Republic of Korea]] and Malaysia can play a constructive role in bringing about the peace that we so desire in our respective regions. *Malaysia and the Democratic People's Republic of Korea share similar aspirations... to develop our respective economies and improve the standard of living of our respective peoples. ====Second International Symposium on Savings==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1570 Speech at the Second International Symposium on the Mobilisation of Personal Savings in Developing Countries, Hilton Kuala Lumpur, 15 March 1982]</small> *Our ability to raise adequate domestic savings to finance our development efforts is a necessary precondition, if we are to succeed in re-structuring our economies to cope with the rapid transformation that is taking place in the world economy today. *Despite the talk and widespread publicity on foreign assistance, be they official development aid or foreign direct investment, we have all along been depending on ourselves. *The function of any sound financial system should not only be to intermediate between the savers and the investors, but also to ensure that the less advantaged groups have access to adequate credit at reasonable cost. *The prices of our primary commodities are set by conveniently labelled 'supply and demand forces' located in the industrial countries. *The developing countries must seek ways and means of gaining entree into the market place. They should do so not individually but in cooperation with each other. ====Dinner in Honour of PM Van Agt==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1073 Speech at the dinner in honour of His Excellency Mr. A.A.M. Van Agt, Prime Minister of the Netherlands, Parliament House, Kuala Lumpur, 15 March 1982]</small> *Your Excellency's visit which is the first by a Prime Minister of the Netherlands is indeed an honour for Malaysia. *I have no doubt that your visit will further strengthen the relations and foster greater cooperation between our two countries. *Your support for the aspirations of the developing countries to effect structural changes to the international economic order cannot go without special mention. *Malaysia has of late become disenchanted with what is said to be a free market for commodity trading, particularly tin. *We are urging a producers' association, not in order to jack up prices or to hold the world to ransom, but in order to get fair prices while continuing to stay in the market. *We do hope that actual direct trade with the [[Netherlands]] will increase. *We are happy to see increased interest by [[Dutch people|Dutch]] businessmen in investment opportunities in Malaysia. *We will not nationalise or expropriate in any way. *If your shares or your companies are up for sale then we reserve the right to buy if we think that it is worthwhile. *Malaysia as a member of ASEAN is committed to improve the quality of life of our peoples and to enhance their general well-being. *We have made it clear that we cannot accept military intervention as a means of settling a zonal problem. *We firmly believe that such a solution would pave the way for the realisation of our objective of a Zone of Peace, Freedom and Neutrality in Southeast Asia. *Your visit stimulates not only the common desire to enhance further our bilateral relations but also reinforces the political will and commitment to the search for peace for the benefit of all concerned. *We share identical views on many issues of regional and international importance. ====National Seminar on Productivity==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1289 Speech at the National Seminar on Productivity, Hilton Hotel, Kuala Lumpur, 5 April 1982]</small> *We must face a future where we must stand on our own feet without the benefit of help from other sources. *Productivity means increased output without an equal increase in monetary input. *Work should be enjoyed in the same way that we enjoy playing. *No one is indispensable because everyone is indispensable. *A bored worker is as bad as a bored player. He does not win. A bored worker does not produce. *What we need is a drastic change in attitude on the part of everybody concerned. *The only answer is greater productivity. *Everyone should instill in himself a sense of responsibility both to himself and to his country. *If we can improve our attitudes and regard waste in all its forms as an unforgivable crime directed against ourselves, then we will achieve that high level of productivity so essential to our national development. *Japan’s greatest asset is human resource in the form of disciplined, hard working people. ====1982 Radio Malaysia Election Speech==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=915 Mahathir's 1982 radio address on elections, unity, and governance]</small> *Only a strong Government can champion the cause of the people and bring stability and prosperity to the country. *The National Front is a team. Its strength lies in its team spirit. *We believe that the people who should inherit this country and continue with the struggle to achieve our national aspiration shall be the people who believe and uphold the Rukunegara. ====State Feast in Tonga==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1611 State Feast, Nukuʻalofa, Tonga]</small> *In our interdependent world we have to help and stand by each other. *Today many traditional ways and customs of our forefathers seem to dissipate readily and be discarded. *Stretches of ocean lie between our lands but it is never too far or too difficult for us to keep in touch. ====Commonwealth Science Council Meeting==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=938 12th Meeting of the Commonwealth Science Council, 24 August 1982]</small> * Scientific and technological knowledge like all other forms of knowledge, we believe, increases as you share it with others. * The poor countries need help — not handouts, but a helping hand for their development. * The scientific knowledge and technology of the West cannot be simply imported into the country. It must be properly adjusted and adapted in order to fit into the special needs and requirements of the nation. * We are not about to invent the wheel again, but the application of discoveries and inventions originating elsewhere is part of the exercise in self-reliance. * Only the most primitive of the discarded industries will find a place in the developing world. * Scientific knowledge should be used not merely for material development, but also for the enhancement of the quality of life, and the achievement of peace and harmony. * The community of nations has not yet accepted the principle that the rich should help the poor. * Developing countries are so designated because they are relatively poor. If they are going to be able to buy from the developed countries, they must be helped to attain the financial capacity to do so. ====ASEAN–Japan Symposium==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=979 Speech at the 5th ASEAN–Japan Symposium, 24 August 1982]</small> *ASEAN today is faced with two major problems — one, the instability and uncertainty caused by the situation in Indochina; the second major problem arises out of the current world recession which threatens to retard the industrialisation efforts of the ASEAN countries. *The developed countries have opted for protectionism as a panacea for their ailing industries. If this tendency is not checked, not only would the exports of developing countries be affected but their development and industrialisation efforts would be seriously hampered. *ASEAN would pursue the creation of a Zone of Peace, Freedom and Neutrality in Southeast Asia. The leaders of ASEAN firmly believe that given their freedom from superpower dominance and interference, neighbouring states could successfully set aside their differences to forge a common purpose. *These opportunities were, however, lost when Vietnam intervened militarily and occupied Kampuchea. This she did with the open support of the Soviet Union. *ASEAN's approach to the solution of the Kampuchean problem is aimed at establishing a sovereign, independent and neutral Kampuchea respected and guaranteed by the great powers. *It has long been recognised that the political situation in Southeast Asia, directly or indirectly, impinges on Japan's economic and strategic interests. A prosperous and stable ASEAN is important to the maintenance of peace and stability in the region and therefore merits Japan's support. *Looking East does not mean total Japanization, or a complete break with the West. But it certainly means the almost total dependence on the West will be replaced by a more balanced attitude towards both East and West. *Our ‘Look East’ policy should not just be a one-way traffic. We seek the close cooperation, understanding and assistance not only from the Japanese Government but also from the Japanese public. ====The Presentation and Closing Ceremony of the 27th Asian Film Festival==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1553 Selected quotations from the 27th Asian Film Festival closing speech, 14 September 1982]</small> *Film makers, whether they are producers, directors, script writers, actors and actresses, are endowed with such special qualities that they can contribute in one way or the other towards the happiness of their audience. *They can make the audience happy or they can make them cry. They can make them knowledgeable or they can confuse them absolutely. *Above all they can inculcate positive values so essential to nation building and the development processes. *In the context of developing Malaysia, I see their vast potential in putting across our commitments and reassuring Malaysians of the targets of the nation's strategy in sustaining the growth of a happy and vibrant country as envisaged in our New Economic Policy. *However to be truly profitable local films must be good enough to be shown outside of this country. *Let your success inspire you to greater achievements. ====The Asia Society and the Council of Foreign Relations speech==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1020 Selected quotations from the Asia Society and Council on Foreign Relations speech, 28 September 1982]</small> *The European Economic Community uses economic power to continue political domination. The United States too was drawn into this grouping, thus adding strength to the domination of European countries over their former colonies. *ASEAN is not a strategic concept designed to overawe its neighbours. It was an ad hoc solution to a communications problem between neighbours who were strangers to each other. *Once it was formed, much more was expected of ASEAN than was ever in the minds of the founders. *The five countries of ASEAN are ethnically similar, but historically and politically diverse. *Foreign holdings were forcibly nationalised. But learning from the other ASEAN countries that such was not the route to prosperity, nationalisation was dropped. *All the ASEAN countries are now believers in free trade and free enterprise. Foreign capital is welcome by all. *ASEAN has brought prosperity and stability. Although it is not a military grouping, it can coordinate its policies to deter the kind of adventures that countries standing alone and economically troubled attract. ====The 37th Session of the United Nations General Assembly speech==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=964 Selected quotations from the 37th United Nations General Assembly speech, 29 September 1982]</small> *Might is now the only thing that is right. Weak countries like [[Afghanistan]], Kampuchea and [[Lebanon]] are trodden over by the boots of invading armies as the rest of the world stood by. *The credibility of the [[United Nations]] is at stake. The United Nations must regain its credibility. *The foreign military invasion and continued occupation of Kampuchea is a crime against the Kampuchean people and a threat to regional peace and security. *Nobody, not even a people who had suffered as much as the Jews had, have the right to inflict upon others the horrors of Sabra and Shatila. *[[Israel]] is a bully. If it is any bigger or stronger the world will not be safe. *Those weapons are for nothing less than murder. *To the developing nations, the continuance of the Afghan nationalist struggle is crucial. *Apartheid... is a travesty of justice and is an affront to human dignity. *Our patience and sense of fair-play is being taxed to the limit with the market manipulations abroad which in effect reduce our people to underpaid labourers. *The various exchanges located in the developed countries literally manipulate prices in order to make a profit for the brokers, the dealers, the speculators and others. *It is a case of heads you win, tails I lose. *The stockpile is merely a rich nation’s monopolistic weapon used to depress prices of commodities for the benefit of the consumers. *This world-wide depression is man-made. It is made in the powerful countries by short-sighted people. *There will be violence, riots and revolutions. Governments will fall and anarchy will prevail. *The world has suffered enough from this depression. We need action now. *The uninhabited lands of Antarctica... do not legally belong to the discoverers as much as the colonial territories do not belong to the colonial powers. *Historical episodes are not facts that can substantiate claims. *Israel continues to propagate the myth of the non-existence of the Palestinian people. ====Statement on Regional Economic and Functional Co-operation (CHOGRM III)==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=924 Selected quotations from Mahathir's CHOGRM III speech, Suva, Fiji, 18 October 1982]</small> *We in Malaysia too see the need for the injection of greater assistance to the South Pacific island countries so as to enable them to build up their national resilience and independence. *The Commonwealth is now on test. If the Commonwealth countries in our region cannot actualise economic and functional cooperation, the prestige of the Commonwealth itself will go down. *Some industrially developed nations really feel free to scour and devour the developing nations by their exploitative methods and practices. *They seem incapable of realizing that such libertine activities would only lead to the destruction of the free enterprise system itself. *Our advice to these countries should be that they talk less of their generosity to provide assistance to the poor nations and instead undertake a thorough soul-searching examination. ====State Dinner with Prime Minister Michael Somare of Papua New Guinea==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=17 Papua New Guinea Dinner Speech, 19 October 1982]</small> *The Government of Malaysia fully subscribes to the concept of economic and technical cooperation among developing countries. Malaysians are ready to participate in practical economic and technical programmes with [[Papua New Guinea]]. We are your 'wantoks'. *The spinoffs of better understanding and goodwill from increased contact and cooperation between our peoples will surely strengthen our friendship. *Malaysia is extremely unhappy at the manipulation of commodity prices by the various exchanges located in the developed countries. Scant regard is paid to the producers. To ensure reasonable prices, such an unhealthy system has to be dismantled. ====Opening of the ASEAN Law Association General Assembly==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1463 ASEAN Law Association Speech (26 Oct 1982)]</small> *I believe in the supremacy of the Constitution. The Malaysian Government will faithfully do its duty as guaranteed to minorities, rights guaranteed to the citizen and in some cases to the non-citizen also. The Constitution is not infallible, having been drafted by mere man. Hence the Constitution also provides for its amendment no doubt to make it compatible with changing times. But the conditions for amendments are such that the Constitution cannot be trifled with at will. *No man is above the law, not even those in power. Those in power are in fact trustees and their duty is to promote the public good, not self-enrichment. *During your deliberations it is only proper that as professionals you focus on legal justice. But I would like to point out that apart from legal justice, there are other kinds of justice which are also desirable that we should achieve, and that is economic and social justice. The former [[President of the United States]], Mr. [[Jimmy Carter|Carter]] in a speech to American lawyers said that in the [[United States]] there are many judges and many lawyers but not enough justice. He was referring to legal justice. As head of the Government I am acutely aware of the need to provide the broader kind of justice that I mentioned. *Each of these systems is designed to regulate in a fair manner the relations of man, the relations between man and the State; and prescribes a just way of resolving disputes among them. But each system follows different paths. Your deliberations should over a period of time produce a synthesis of laws for the benefit of the whole of ASEAN. ====Official Dinner Speech in Bangkok with Thai Prime Minister Prem Tinsulanonda==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1334 Mahathir–Prem Official Dinner, Bangkok (8 December 1982)]</small> *As close neighbours, common sense dictates that in our relations with each other there can be no alternative to mutual trust and the willingness to work together in facing our common problems. Indeed, our two countries are also brought together because of our affinity for each other and the many common perceptions we share. *The corner-stone of Malaysia's foreign policy vis-a-vis [[Thailand]] is, and will always be, one of good neighbourliness through mutual assistance and cooperation. *These are troubled times: not only have we to contend with a major world-wide economic recession, but also serious challenges to the peace and stability of our region. It is, therefore, all the more imperative that we continue working together both bilaterally and within the context of ASEAN. *Malaysia will work closely with Thailand for the preservation of peace and stability in the region. *It is through this ASEAN spirit and our commitment to the objectives of ASEAN that today we have in our region an association of nations that we can be justly proud of, for the simple reason that it works. *The motive-force for the success of ASEAN lies in our firm belief in peace and in working together for the prosperity of all in the region. *[[Vietnam]]'s military intervention and continued occupation of Kampuchea represents not only a direct interference in the internal affairs of the country, but a threat to the peace and stability of the whole region. The establishment of the Coalition Government of Democratic Kampuchea headed by His Highness Prince [[Norodom Sihanouk]] is a positive development. ====Official Dinner Speech Honouring French Prime Minister Pierre Mauroy==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1365 Mahathir–Pierre Mauroy Official Dinner, Kuala Lumpur (13 December 1982)]</small> *Your visit to Malaysia, Excellency, is the first ever by a Prime Minister of France. I am confident that your visit will contribute to the strengthening of the existing close ties of friendship and cooperation between our two countries. *While France may not be among Malaysia's major trading partners, she has participated in and contributed to our economic development in the past and continues to do so presently. *In adopting a 'Look East' policy in order to balance foreign influences on our national development, we are not turning our backs on the West completely. The West remains an important partner in our development efforts and French expertise, technology and investment are always welcome. *France... has of late introduced a ruling requiring that all customs import-documents be prepared in French. This is certainly an impediment to a freer flow of trade and constitutes another form of non-tariff barrier. *Imagine the consternation among French exporters if Malaysia were to insist that they must use Bahasa Malaysia in all their documentation. *Trade missions coming to sell goods here should bring along investors as well. We need investment in new projects to support our industrialisation programme. *What we would like to see is an offset programme whereby purchases and contracts are linked with economic reciprocity of one kind or another. *To achieve this objective of regional peace and stability, Malaysia, together with her partners in ASEAN, declared their resolve to make Southeast Asia a Zone of Peace, Freedom and Neutrality (ZOPFAN). *Our relations with countries of the region and beyond are based on the principles of respect for one another's independence, sovereignty and territorial integrity, non-interference in each other's internal affairs and non-use of force or threat of use of force. *The protraction of the situation in Kampuchea continues to pose a serious threat to regional peace and stability besides encouraging outside involvement and interference in the region. The formation of the Coalition Government of Democratic Kampuchea under the Presidency of His Highness Prince Norodom Sihanouk is a welcome development towards achieving such a negotiated political settlement of the Kampuchean issue. *Towards this end, we would urge that France, a country which has historical links with countries in this region, to contribute positively to the political solution of the Kampuchean issue. ===1983=== ====Official dinner in honour of the Rt. Hon. [[Pierre Trudeau|Pierre Elliott Trudeau]], Prime Minister of Canada==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=52 Official dinner in honour of Canadian Prime Minister Pierre Elliott Trudeau, 10 January 1983]</small> *Change and development are integral to any society and nation. The problem that confronts societies and nations, however, is that not all developments are for the better. *Malaysia, within this context, welcomes [[Canada|Canadian]] participation in our current national development endeavours, as outlined in the Fourth Malaysia Plan. *Canada-ASEAN relations can become the model of cooperation between a developed country and a group of developing countries, based on partnership on equal terms and common interest. *[[International law]] and order has truly broken down, giving rise to a situation where might and right is almost synonymous. *What is needed is the full backing of the powerful nations. They must revitalise the Organisation which they had created. *We are quite sure that the prices of all manufactured products that developing countries have to buy will continue to rise even when fuel prices go down. *For Malaysia and other developing countries it is a case of 'heads I lose, tails you win' all the time. *Killing OPEC is likely to result in more [[Mexico|Mexicos]], rather than economic recovery. *The Kampuchea issue, if not resolved peacefully and promptly, will also become a threat to world peace and security as continued foreign occupation of Kampuchea has brought in its wake big power rivalry and involvement. *Malaysia welcomes the setting up of the Coalition Government of Democratic Kampuchea under the Presidency of His Highness Prince Sihanouk as a positive step towards the peaceful resolution of the Kampuchea issue. *We look forward to a world characterised by sincere and constructive partnership and cooperation between the developed and more fortunate countries and the developing and less fortunate ones for their mutual benefit. ====A talk on ethnic relations and nation building at a function organised by the Malaysian Social Science Association==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=18 A talk on ethnic relations and nation building, 12 January 1983]</small> *Science, as we know it, is not value-free. This is more so with social sciences. And certainly, a subject such as ethnic relations, which tends to have an emotional overtone cannot be expected to be presented or analysed with pure objectivity. *To be otherwise is to delude ourselves. It is a reality that we have to accept and live with... societies must learn to cope with ethnic problems if the world and human civilisation is to have a meaningful future. *The multiracial nature of our society is a fact. It is something that every Malaysian must accept, live and cope with. *Malay culture is really a mixed culture in which elements of Chinese and Indian cultures have been absorbed, albeit modified in form. *The task of moulding a common national culture and to integrate people of differing ethnic groups is... much more difficult today than it was before. *The New Economic Policy was conceived with the view to remove the identification of race with economic function. *While elements of the racial cultures of the different ethnic groups are incorporated into the national culture, each race continues to practise its distinct culture in the environment of its own society. *If the cultures of the non-indigenous peoples are made the basis of a Malaysian national culture, then Malaysia would become simply an appendage... of the countries from which those cultures come. *Ethnicity remains a thorn in the Malaysian body, stifling change and progress. But there is no choice for Malaysia and Malaysians. We just have to continue our efforts to bring the different ethnic groups together. *The only choice left to us is to make everyone equally unhappy... even the indigenous people are not getting all that they ask for, and are consequently just as unhappy and dissatisfied. *We know we have difficult periods in front of us, but with care and reduced ethnic overtones, and by channelling our energy to productive uses we can bring our vision to reality. ====Opening of the 7th Malaysian Economic Convention==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=60 Opening of the 7th Malaysian Economic Convention, 18 January 1983]</small> *It is important to re-examine policies, and make structural changes so that policies and structures do not become objectives in themselves, but rather the means of achieving economic, social and political targets. *Malaysia is a free enterprise nation but its economy is subject to a variety of regulations as are all free enterprise economies. *We are constantly reexamining ourselves. An Economic Panel was set up recently for this purpose. *The world is going through a very difficult period. The whole banking system is now being questioned and with it the financing of international trade and investments. *High interest rates in a nation which lives on credit mean lowered consumption, lowered inventories and lowered investments. *There are things that we can change. There are others that we cannot change. Is it worthwhile to knock our heads against stone walls or should we use the prepared passage or the soft spots which will let us through. *The NEP is one of the most liberal policies. Those who have decided to live with it have done extremely well. *There is a lot wanting in the way policies are implemented, and economic administration is carried out. *The Government may not accept all that you recommend, but we will not ignore your findings or your recommendations. ====Speech on learning from Japan’s work ethic==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=46 Official dinner speech at the residence of Prime Minister Yasuhiro Nakasone, Tokyo – 24 January 1983]</small> *That is why I have asked Malaysians to 'Look East' and to learn from Japan. *What I have been exhorting is for Malaysians to emulate the Japanese in their work ethics and attitudes and their management system which, I think, is the main factor in Japan's rapid development and industrialisation. ===1984=== ====Speech at United States==== <small>[https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/remarks-the-president-and-prime-minister-mahathir-bin-mohamad-malaysia-following-their Remarks of the President and Prime Minister Mahathir bin Mohamad of Malaysia Following Their Meetings]</small> *If you were to ask me what is it I would want the United States to do with regard to economic policy, my honest and simple response is for the U.S. economy to get ahead and regain its strength, for the healthier and more vibrant the U.S. economy becomes, the better it will be, not only for the United States and Malaysia but all the developing countries in the world. *We do not expect handouts in our search for a better tomorrow. What we look for are new areas of cooperation and collaboration, particularly in the area of economy and trade interchange to help us in the realization of our aspirations to be a more self-relying and progressive nation. *Where we differ in respect to perception or policy, I'm gratified to note that there is a willingness on the part of the United States to achieve closer understanding and cooperation. *We pledge to continue this friendly and cooperative relationship for mutual benefits. ===2000–present=== * It's quite obvious that when the {{w|Eastern bloc}} was still there, it was a bustle between [[capitalism]] and [[communism]]. Once {{w|Revolutions of 1989|communism was defeated}}, then capitalism could [[Globalization|expand]] and [[Neoliberalism|show its true self]]. It's no longer constrained by the need to be nice, so that people will choose their so-called free-market system as opposed to the centrally planned system. So because of that, nowadays there is nothing to restrain capital, and capital is demanding that it should be able to go anywhere and do whatever it likes. ** [https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/commandingheights/shared/minitext/int_mahathirbinmohamad.html "Commanding Heights"] interview with PBS (2 July 2001). * Clearly Islam the religion is not the cause of [[terrorism]]. Islam, as I said, is a [[religion of peace]]. However through the centuries, deviations from the true teachings of Islam take place. And so [people who call themselves] "Muslims" kill despite the injunction of their religion against killing especially of innocent people. ** Speech <!-- to the UN General Assembly --> in New York City {{cite web |url=http://asiasociety.org/islam-terrorism-and-malaysias-response?page=0,1 |title=Islam, Terrorism, and Malaysia's Response (page 2) |website=Asia Society |date=4 February 2002}} * History should remember Blair and Bush as the killers of children or as the lying prime minister and president. ** [[w:Kuala Lumpur Summit|Perdana conference]], Kuala Lumpur, cited in {{cite news|url=https://www.irishexaminer.com/world/arid-30296556.html|title=Malaysian ex-PM: Blair and Bush are 'evil murderers'|newspaper=Irish Examiner|date=5 October 2007}} * We need an opposition to remind us if we are making mistakes. When you are not opposed you think everything you do is right. ** [http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2005/12/11/nation/12838957&sec=nation ''The Star''] (Malaysian publication, December 2005). * I believe that the country should have a strong government but not too strong. A two-thirds majority like I enjoyed when I was prime minister is sufficient but a 90% majority is too strong. ** December 2005, on his successor [[Abdullah Ahmad Badawi]]'s Parliamentary majority of 92%. [http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2005/12/11/nation/12838957&sec=nation] *I believe that if that bastard leaves, we then won't be bastardised. **in reference to Prime Minister [[Najib Razak]] during [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFd_fCF5CdM a speech at Pasir Gudang] on 29 August 2015. Previously, Najib Razak had warned that Malaysian Malays would be "bastardised" were [[w:UMNO|UMNO]] to lose power in the government, raising controversy by using a swear word (Malay "bangsat", loosely translated as "anus") in his speech. * To be a great leader, one needs to have good strategies, be knowledgeable and able to predict the future. [http://www.malaysiakini.com/news/110479 "Dr M on what makes a great leader"] malaysiakini (13 August 2009) *We call upon all Malaysians, irrespective of race, religion, political situation, creed or parties, young and old, to join us in saving Malaysia from the government headed by Najib Razak. We must rid ourselves of Najib as prime minister. If he’s allowed to go on, the damage will be worse and worse. **Mahathir's move to oust Prime Minister Najib Razak, quote above read from a joint statement endorsed by prominent members from the ruling party, opposition, and civil society groups, quoted on ''Channel News Asia'', [http://www.channelnewsasia.com/news/asiapacific/dr-mahathir-movement-will/2575782.html "Dr Mahathir movement will be bad for country: Malaysia Foreign Affairs Minister"] (5 March 2016). ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} {{commons category|Mahathir Mohamad|Mahathir bin Mohamad}} [[Category:1925 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Prime Ministers of Malaysia]] [[Category:Muslims]] [[Category:Antisemites]] 3eiqyarrg71cbvhigugpeqgz20e7x2p 3778742 3778741 2025-07-14T15:33:18Z 2402:1980:28B:3B7D:0:0:0:1 3778742 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:PM Mahathir Mohamad gives press statement in Jakarta 2018-06-29.jpg|210px|thumb|Mahathir Mohamad in 2018]] '''[[w:Mahathir Mohamad|Mahathir Mohamad]]''' (born [[10 July]] [[1925]]) is a [[Malaysia|Malaysian]] politician who was the country's Prime Minister from 1981 to 2003 and 2018 to 2020. == Quotes == ===1981=== ====Opening of the ASEAN Travel Forum==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1427 Speech at the opening of the ASEAN Travel Forum, Genting Highlands, 20 October 1981]</small> *The coming together of ASEAN countries for the purpose of creating greater business opportunities for those involved in the tourist industry once again demonstrates ASEAN's determination to foster closer cooperation among member countries. *ASEAN firmly believes in regional cooperation as a means to achieve greater prosperity and stability for our region. *We have the potential to develop a wide variety of attractions within our region and these can indeed be promoted among our own people as well as among international visitors. *Let us put our heads together to evolve ways and means to develop the tourist industry in the ASEAN region. ====Third International Conference of Non-Governmental Organisations on Dadah Use Prevention and Control==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1621 Speech at the Third International Conference of Non-Governmental Organisations on Dadah Use Prevention and Control, Kuala Lumpur, 2 November 1981]</small> *Malaysia, like many other countries, is fully aware of the seriousness and complexity of the global problems of dadah use and substance abuse, and we fully endorse all international efforts, be it governmental or non-governmental, directed towards the eradication of this social menace. *The dadah problem in a sinister way is very democratic in that it does not discriminate against religion, racial descent, or socio-economic background of a person. *Malaysia comprehends the magnitude of the dadah problem. We have accordingly designated it as a security problem. *Insights, understanding and concepts are meaningless and empty unless bold action is taken to ensure results. *For us in Malaysia, the dadah problem is still our number one enemy. As a security problem, it will be given priority. *We cannot allow the expression "everybody’s responsibility is no one’s concern" to be true of dadah prevention. *Dadah is one enemy that we cannot say, "If we cannot fight its abuse, we can join in the abuse." *The obvious answer to the problem is to move on a broad front, to tackle both the underlying and the related dadah problem together. *ASEAN countries, who are both the source and the bearer of the brunt of the international dadah problem, merit greater attention of the world community. *In short, for the sake of future generations, we all have to respond actively, positively and urgently to overcome the dadah problem. ==== Speech at the ASEAN-U.S. Economic Conference ==== [https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1009 Speech at the ASEAN-U.S. Economic Conference, Kuala Lumpur Hilton, 18 November 1981] * What we need today if we are to achieve some semblance of a fair distribution of international wealth is sincerity based on true friendship and a clear understanding of the moral obligations that we all have towards each other. * Our economic policies are based on clear and definite political objectives. If we impose conditions on foreign investors, it is not because we grudge you your profits, but because we have a need to reconcile foreign economic incursions with national aspirations. * The political stability we achieve is, for you, much more worthwhile commercially than the short-term profits you might make. * We do not [[Nationalization|nationalize]], for example. [...] The predictability pertaining to economic policies is our asset. * The ASEAN nations are not intending to compete with the developed countries. Rather they wish to complement. * Malaysia is ruled by [[Conservatism|conservatives]] whose only desire is to develop the country for the benefit of the people. [[Radicalism]] and [[extremism]] has been rejected not only by the Government but also by the people. * We intend to have a firm grip [on inflation] through fiscal and monetary discipline. * I hope that you will take this opportunity to understand this region better and to explore ways and means of establishing better cooperation between American businessmen and financiers with ASEAN's counterparts. ====Speech during Visit to Singapore==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=3 Speech at a Dinner on the Occasion of the Visit to Singapore, 17 December 1981]</small> *An appreciation of differences is as important as the acknowledgement of the common historical and geo-political backgrounds in the fostering of understanding between our two countries. *We can always call up each other, and frankly discuss our mutual problems when they arise. *[[Singapore]]'s success story in the economic and social fields cannot but be a model for Malaysians rather than an object of envy. *What we do within our own country is contributory and complementary towards each other's progress. *The security of the region is the security of Malaysia. *The security apparatus of our two nations continue to cooperate closely against any subversive and criminal elements that could affect our stability even when political leaders are openly squabbling. *We live in a world of instant communication which has spawned instant events, instant interviews and instant comments. *ASEAN has proven to the world to be a viable and cohesive grouping. This credibility has to be sustained. *ASEAN's commitment transcends limited and localised national outlooks, and so renders possible a more daring programme for the future based on a peaceful and stable Southeast Asia. *We do not believe in double standards in the conduct of international relations. *Relations, if it is to be durable, must be based on the mutually accepted norms of equality and respect. There cannot be any compromise on this. *For us to opt for super-power collusion would be submitting ourselves to be pawns in their conflicts and rivalries. *The development of good relationship between our two countries is also a task for the leaders as well as of the people. ===1982=== ====Opening of the 12th ASEAN Economic Ministers Meeting==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=937 Speech at the opening of the 12th ASEAN Economic Ministers Meeting, Kuala Lumpur Hilton, 14 January 1982]</small> *Malaysia’s adherence to the principles of ASEAN cooperation is not altruistic. It is enlightened self-interest. *We cannot prosper alone in a region that is in turmoil and unstable. To prosper we have to have the kind of regional environment that is conducive to economic growth. *ASEAN should inject new ideas in industrial cooperation... the country with the biggest market would enjoy the most benefits even if the product was manufactured by a smaller country. *In industrial complementation, perhaps the private sector should play a more vigorous role. *We are heavily dependent on external services in shipping, and the rising freight charges are an additional burden to the balance of payments of ASEAN countries. *ASEAN as a whole constitutes a major producer of conventional energy such as gas and petroleum. Yet we lack the infrastructure and technology to fully exploit our natural resources. *Despite our disappointment in solving commodity problems, ASEAN should continue to adopt a collective approach and joint efforts in pursuing international economic issues. *ASEAN’s resilience and success serves as a model and shining example to other developing countries on meaningful economic cooperation. ====Opening of the Fourth AIPO General Assembly==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1509 Speech at the opening of the Fourth General Assembly of the ASEAN Inter-Parliamentary Organisation, Parliament House, Kuala Lumpur, 2 February 1982]</small> *We are indeed very happy to have this privilege of hosting the Fourth General Assembly of the ASEAN Inter-Parliamentary Organisation or AIPO. *Despite the various efforts made by us to secure fair terms of trade, we have, we must admit, largely been unsuccessful. *The aspirations of the peoples and Governments of our countries for a New International Economic Order have not only been ignored but their terms of trade continue to be made more inequitable. *We in Southeast Asia have entered an era fraught with unprecedented perils. *The ASEAN Parliament may yet be a forum for the successful coordination of our development and progress. ====Opening of the 5th MAJECA/JAMECA Conference==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=978 Speech at the opening of the 5th Joint Annual Conference of the Malaysia-Japan Economic Association and Japan-Malaysia Economic Association, Kuala Lumpur Hilton, 8 February 1982]</small> *Lately I have been exhorting Malaysians to emulate the Japanese, particularly in work ethics and ethical values. *The West is no longer a suitable model. They have lost their drive. They still want the good life but are not prepared to face the realities of a world market which they can no longer dominate. *When we ask Malaysians to look East, it is not so much your living standard that we are thinking about. That will come... What we are interested in is your work ethics. *It is not just skills we are after, but more importantly, the correct attitude to work, including the sense of belonging, which breeds loyalty. *A prosperous Malaysia will make a better customer and trading partner for [[Japan]]. *It is high time that our businessmen go international and venture to where the markets are, instead of waiting for the markets to come to them. ====Dinner in Honour of Premier Li Jong Ok==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1089 Speech at the dinner in honour of His Excellency Mr. Li Jong Ok, Premier of the Administrative Council of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, Parliament House, Kuala Lumpur, 11 February 1982]</small> *Malaysia has always followed a consistent policy of establishing friendly relations and mutual cooperation with all countries, irrespective of ideology or political systems. *Your Excellency's visit is an important milestone in the development of our bilateral relations. *It is our desire to see the emergence of a coalition government that is truly representative of the people of [[Cambodia|Kampuchea]]. *As non-aligned countries, both the [[North Korea|Democratic People's Republic of Korea]] and Malaysia can play a constructive role in bringing about the peace that we so desire in our respective regions. *Malaysia and the Democratic People's Republic of Korea share similar aspirations... to develop our respective economies and improve the standard of living of our respective peoples. ====Second International Symposium on Savings==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1570 Speech at the Second International Symposium on the Mobilisation of Personal Savings in Developing Countries, Hilton Kuala Lumpur, 15 March 1982]</small> *Our ability to raise adequate domestic savings to finance our development efforts is a necessary precondition, if we are to succeed in re-structuring our economies to cope with the rapid transformation that is taking place in the world economy today. *Despite the talk and widespread publicity on foreign assistance, be they official development aid or foreign direct investment, we have all along been depending on ourselves. *The function of any sound financial system should not only be to intermediate between the savers and the investors, but also to ensure that the less advantaged groups have access to adequate credit at reasonable cost. *The prices of our primary commodities are set by conveniently labelled 'supply and demand forces' located in the industrial countries. *The developing countries must seek ways and means of gaining entree into the market place. They should do so not individually but in cooperation with each other. ====Dinner in Honour of PM Van Agt==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1073 Speech at the dinner in honour of His Excellency Mr. A.A.M. Van Agt, Prime Minister of the Netherlands, Parliament House, Kuala Lumpur, 15 March 1982]</small> *Your Excellency's visit which is the first by a Prime Minister of the Netherlands is indeed an honour for Malaysia. *I have no doubt that your visit will further strengthen the relations and foster greater cooperation between our two countries. *Your support for the aspirations of the developing countries to effect structural changes to the international economic order cannot go without special mention. *Malaysia has of late become disenchanted with what is said to be a free market for commodity trading, particularly tin. *We are urging a producers' association, not in order to jack up prices or to hold the world to ransom, but in order to get fair prices while continuing to stay in the market. *We do hope that actual direct trade with the [[Netherlands]] will increase. *We are happy to see increased interest by [[Dutch people|Dutch]] businessmen in investment opportunities in Malaysia. *We will not nationalise or expropriate in any way. *If your shares or your companies are up for sale then we reserve the right to buy if we think that it is worthwhile. *Malaysia as a member of ASEAN is committed to improve the quality of life of our peoples and to enhance their general well-being. *We have made it clear that we cannot accept military intervention as a means of settling a zonal problem. *We firmly believe that such a solution would pave the way for the realisation of our objective of a Zone of Peace, Freedom and Neutrality in Southeast Asia. *Your visit stimulates not only the common desire to enhance further our bilateral relations but also reinforces the political will and commitment to the search for peace for the benefit of all concerned. *We share identical views on many issues of regional and international importance. ====National Seminar on Productivity==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1289 Speech at the National Seminar on Productivity, Hilton Hotel, Kuala Lumpur, 5 April 1982]</small> *We must face a future where we must stand on our own feet without the benefit of help from other sources. *Productivity means increased output without an equal increase in monetary input. *Work should be enjoyed in the same way that we enjoy playing. *No one is indispensable because everyone is indispensable. *A bored worker is as bad as a bored player. He does not win. A bored worker does not produce. *What we need is a drastic change in attitude on the part of everybody concerned. *The only answer is greater productivity. *Everyone should instill in himself a sense of responsibility both to himself and to his country. *If we can improve our attitudes and regard waste in all its forms as an unforgivable crime directed against ourselves, then we will achieve that high level of productivity so essential to our national development. *Japan’s greatest asset is human resource in the form of disciplined, hard working people. ====1982 Radio Malaysia Election Speech==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=915 Mahathir's 1982 radio address on elections, unity, and governance]</small> *Only a strong Government can champion the cause of the people and bring stability and prosperity to the country. *The National Front is a team. Its strength lies in its team spirit. *We believe that the people who should inherit this country and continue with the struggle to achieve our national aspiration shall be the people who believe and uphold the Rukunegara. ====State Feast in Tonga==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1611 State Feast, Nukuʻalofa, Tonga]</small> *In our interdependent world we have to help and stand by each other. *Today many traditional ways and customs of our forefathers seem to dissipate readily and be discarded. *Stretches of ocean lie between our lands but it is never too far or too difficult for us to keep in touch. ====Commonwealth Science Council Meeting==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=938 12th Meeting of the Commonwealth Science Council, 24 August 1982]</small> * Scientific and technological knowledge like all other forms of knowledge, we believe, increases as you share it with others. * The poor countries need help — not handouts, but a helping hand for their development. * The scientific knowledge and technology of the West cannot be simply imported into the country. It must be properly adjusted and adapted in order to fit into the special needs and requirements of the nation. * We are not about to invent the wheel again, but the application of discoveries and inventions originating elsewhere is part of the exercise in self-reliance. * Only the most primitive of the discarded industries will find a place in the developing world. * Scientific knowledge should be used not merely for material development, but also for the enhancement of the quality of life, and the achievement of peace and harmony. * The community of nations has not yet accepted the principle that the rich should help the poor. * Developing countries are so designated because they are relatively poor. If they are going to be able to buy from the developed countries, they must be helped to attain the financial capacity to do so. ====ASEAN–Japan Symposium==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=979 Speech at the 5th ASEAN–Japan Symposium, 24 August 1982]</small> *ASEAN today is faced with two major problems — one, the instability and uncertainty caused by the situation in Indochina; the second major problem arises out of the current world recession which threatens to retard the industrialisation efforts of the ASEAN countries. *The developed countries have opted for protectionism as a panacea for their ailing industries. If this tendency is not checked, not only would the exports of developing countries be affected but their development and industrialisation efforts would be seriously hampered. *ASEAN would pursue the creation of a Zone of Peace, Freedom and Neutrality in Southeast Asia. The leaders of ASEAN firmly believe that given their freedom from superpower dominance and interference, neighbouring states could successfully set aside their differences to forge a common purpose. *These opportunities were, however, lost when Vietnam intervened militarily and occupied Kampuchea. This she did with the open support of the Soviet Union. *ASEAN's approach to the solution of the Kampuchean problem is aimed at establishing a sovereign, independent and neutral Kampuchea respected and guaranteed by the great powers. *It has long been recognised that the political situation in Southeast Asia, directly or indirectly, impinges on Japan's economic and strategic interests. A prosperous and stable ASEAN is important to the maintenance of peace and stability in the region and therefore merits Japan's support. *Looking East does not mean total Japanization, or a complete break with the West. But it certainly means the almost total dependence on the West will be replaced by a more balanced attitude towards both East and West. *Our ‘Look East’ policy should not just be a one-way traffic. We seek the close cooperation, understanding and assistance not only from the Japanese Government but also from the Japanese public. ====The Presentation and Closing Ceremony of the 27th Asian Film Festival==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1553 Selected quotations from the 27th Asian Film Festival closing speech, 14 September 1982]</small> *Film makers, whether they are producers, directors, script writers, actors and actresses, are endowed with such special qualities that they can contribute in one way or the other towards the happiness of their audience. *They can make the audience happy or they can make them cry. They can make them knowledgeable or they can confuse them absolutely. *Above all they can inculcate positive values so essential to nation building and the development processes. *In the context of developing Malaysia, I see their vast potential in putting across our commitments and reassuring Malaysians of the targets of the nation's strategy in sustaining the growth of a happy and vibrant country as envisaged in our New Economic Policy. *However to be truly profitable local films must be good enough to be shown outside of this country. *Let your success inspire you to greater achievements. ====The Asia Society and the Council of Foreign Relations speech==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1020 Selected quotations from the Asia Society and Council on Foreign Relations speech, 28 September 1982]</small> *The European Economic Community uses economic power to continue political domination. The United States too was drawn into this grouping, thus adding strength to the domination of European countries over their former colonies. *ASEAN is not a strategic concept designed to overawe its neighbours. It was an ad hoc solution to a communications problem between neighbours who were strangers to each other. *Once it was formed, much more was expected of ASEAN than was ever in the minds of the founders. *The five countries of ASEAN are ethnically similar, but historically and politically diverse. *Foreign holdings were forcibly nationalised. But learning from the other ASEAN countries that such was not the route to prosperity, nationalisation was dropped. *All the ASEAN countries are now believers in free trade and free enterprise. Foreign capital is welcome by all. *ASEAN has brought prosperity and stability. Although it is not a military grouping, it can coordinate its policies to deter the kind of adventures that countries standing alone and economically troubled attract. ====The 37th Session of the United Nations General Assembly speech==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=964 Selected quotations from the 37th United Nations General Assembly speech, 29 September 1982]</small> *Might is now the only thing that is right. Weak countries like [[Afghanistan]], Kampuchea and [[Lebanon]] are trodden over by the boots of invading armies as the rest of the world stood by. *The credibility of the [[United Nations]] is at stake. The United Nations must regain its credibility. *The foreign military invasion and continued occupation of Kampuchea is a crime against the Kampuchean people and a threat to regional peace and security. *Nobody, not even a people who had suffered as much as the Jews had, have the right to inflict upon others the horrors of Sabra and Shatila. *[[Israel]] is a bully. If it is any bigger or stronger the world will not be safe. *Those weapons are for nothing less than murder. *To the developing nations, the continuance of the Afghan nationalist struggle is crucial. *Apartheid... is a travesty of justice and is an affront to human dignity. *Our patience and sense of fair-play is being taxed to the limit with the market manipulations abroad which in effect reduce our people to underpaid labourers. *The various exchanges located in the developed countries literally manipulate prices in order to make a profit for the brokers, the dealers, the speculators and others. *It is a case of heads you win, tails I lose. *The stockpile is merely a rich nation’s monopolistic weapon used to depress prices of commodities for the benefit of the consumers. *This world-wide depression is man-made. It is made in the powerful countries by short-sighted people. *There will be violence, riots and revolutions. Governments will fall and anarchy will prevail. *The world has suffered enough from this depression. We need action now. *The uninhabited lands of Antarctica... do not legally belong to the discoverers as much as the colonial territories do not belong to the colonial powers. *Historical episodes are not facts that can substantiate claims. *Israel continues to propagate the myth of the non-existence of the Palestinian people. ====Statement on Regional Economic and Functional Co-operation (CHOGRM III)==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=924 Selected quotations from Mahathir's CHOGRM III speech, Suva, Fiji, 18 October 1982]</small> *We in Malaysia too see the need for the injection of greater assistance to the South Pacific island countries so as to enable them to build up their national resilience and independence. *The Commonwealth is now on test. If the Commonwealth countries in our region cannot actualise economic and functional cooperation, the prestige of the Commonwealth itself will go down. *Some industrially developed nations really feel free to scour and devour the developing nations by their exploitative methods and practices. *They seem incapable of realizing that such libertine activities would only lead to the destruction of the free enterprise system itself. *Our advice to these countries should be that they talk less of their generosity to provide assistance to the poor nations and instead undertake a thorough soul-searching examination. ====State Dinner with Prime Minister Michael Somare of Papua New Guinea==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=17 Papua New Guinea Dinner Speech, 19 October 1982]</small> *The Government of Malaysia fully subscribes to the concept of economic and technical cooperation among developing countries. Malaysians are ready to participate in practical economic and technical programmes with [[Papua New Guinea]]. We are your 'wantoks'. *The spinoffs of better understanding and goodwill from increased contact and cooperation between our peoples will surely strengthen our friendship. *Malaysia is extremely unhappy at the manipulation of commodity prices by the various exchanges located in the developed countries. Scant regard is paid to the producers. To ensure reasonable prices, such an unhealthy system has to be dismantled. ====Opening of the ASEAN Law Association General Assembly==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1463 ASEAN Law Association Speech (26 Oct 1982)]</small> *I believe in the supremacy of the Constitution. The Malaysian Government will faithfully do its duty as guaranteed to minorities, rights guaranteed to the citizen and in some cases to the non-citizen also. The Constitution is not infallible, having been drafted by mere man. Hence the Constitution also provides for its amendment no doubt to make it compatible with changing times. But the conditions for amendments are such that the Constitution cannot be trifled with at will. *No man is above the law, not even those in power. Those in power are in fact trustees and their duty is to promote the public good, not self-enrichment. *During your deliberations it is only proper that as professionals you focus on legal justice. But I would like to point out that apart from legal justice, there are other kinds of justice which are also desirable that we should achieve, and that is economic and social justice. The former [[President of the United States]], Mr. [[Jimmy Carter|Carter]] in a speech to American lawyers said that in the [[United States]] there are many judges and many lawyers but not enough justice. He was referring to legal justice. As head of the Government I am acutely aware of the need to provide the broader kind of justice that I mentioned. *Each of these systems is designed to regulate in a fair manner the relations of man, the relations between man and the State; and prescribes a just way of resolving disputes among them. But each system follows different paths. Your deliberations should over a period of time produce a synthesis of laws for the benefit of the whole of ASEAN. ====Official Dinner Speech in Bangkok with Thai Prime Minister Prem Tinsulanonda==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1334 Mahathir–Prem Official Dinner, Bangkok (8 December 1982)]</small> *As close neighbours, common sense dictates that in our relations with each other there can be no alternative to mutual trust and the willingness to work together in facing our common problems. Indeed, our two countries are also brought together because of our affinity for each other and the many common perceptions we share. *The corner-stone of Malaysia's foreign policy vis-a-vis [[Thailand]] is, and will always be, one of good neighbourliness through mutual assistance and cooperation. *These are troubled times: not only have we to contend with a major world-wide economic recession, but also serious challenges to the peace and stability of our region. It is, therefore, all the more imperative that we continue working together both bilaterally and within the context of ASEAN. *Malaysia will work closely with Thailand for the preservation of peace and stability in the region. *It is through this ASEAN spirit and our commitment to the objectives of ASEAN that today we have in our region an association of nations that we can be justly proud of, for the simple reason that it works. *The motive-force for the success of ASEAN lies in our firm belief in peace and in working together for the prosperity of all in the region. *[[Vietnam]]'s military intervention and continued occupation of Kampuchea represents not only a direct interference in the internal affairs of the country, but a threat to the peace and stability of the whole region. The establishment of the Coalition Government of Democratic Kampuchea headed by His Highness Prince [[Norodom Sihanouk]] is a positive development. ====Official Dinner Speech Honouring French Prime Minister Pierre Mauroy==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1365 Mahathir–Pierre Mauroy Official Dinner, Kuala Lumpur (13 December 1982)]</small> *Your visit to Malaysia, Excellency, is the first ever by a Prime Minister of France. I am confident that your visit will contribute to the strengthening of the existing close ties of friendship and cooperation between our two countries. *While France may not be among Malaysia's major trading partners, she has participated in and contributed to our economic development in the past and continues to do so presently. *In adopting a 'Look East' policy in order to balance foreign influences on our national development, we are not turning our backs on the West completely. The West remains an important partner in our development efforts and French expertise, technology and investment are always welcome. *France... has of late introduced a ruling requiring that all customs import-documents be prepared in French. This is certainly an impediment to a freer flow of trade and constitutes another form of non-tariff barrier. *Imagine the consternation among French exporters if Malaysia were to insist that they must use Bahasa Malaysia in all their documentation. *Trade missions coming to sell goods here should bring along investors as well. We need investment in new projects to support our industrialisation programme. *What we would like to see is an offset programme whereby purchases and contracts are linked with economic reciprocity of one kind or another. *To achieve this objective of regional peace and stability, Malaysia, together with her partners in ASEAN, declared their resolve to make Southeast Asia a Zone of Peace, Freedom and Neutrality (ZOPFAN). *Our relations with countries of the region and beyond are based on the principles of respect for one another's independence, sovereignty and territorial integrity, non-interference in each other's internal affairs and non-use of force or threat of use of force. *The protraction of the situation in Kampuchea continues to pose a serious threat to regional peace and stability besides encouraging outside involvement and interference in the region. The formation of the Coalition Government of Democratic Kampuchea under the Presidency of His Highness Prince Norodom Sihanouk is a welcome development towards achieving such a negotiated political settlement of the Kampuchean issue. *Towards this end, we would urge that France, a country which has historical links with countries in this region, to contribute positively to the political solution of the Kampuchean issue. ===1983=== ====Official dinner in honour of the Rt. Hon. [[Pierre Trudeau|Pierre Elliott Trudeau]], Prime Minister of Canada==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=52 Official dinner in honour of Canadian Prime Minister Pierre Elliott Trudeau, 10 January 1983]</small> *Change and development are integral to any society and nation. The problem that confronts societies and nations, however, is that not all developments are for the better. *Malaysia, within this context, welcomes [[Canada|Canadian]] participation in our current national development endeavours, as outlined in the Fourth Malaysia Plan. *Canada-ASEAN relations can become the model of cooperation between a developed country and a group of developing countries, based on partnership on equal terms and common interest. *[[International law]] and order has truly broken down, giving rise to a situation where might and right is almost synonymous. *What is needed is the full backing of the powerful nations. They must revitalise the Organisation which they had created. *We are quite sure that the prices of all manufactured products that developing countries have to buy will continue to rise even when fuel prices go down. *For Malaysia and other developing countries it is a case of 'heads I lose, tails you win' all the time. *Killing OPEC is likely to result in more [[Mexico|Mexicos]], rather than economic recovery. *The Kampuchea issue, if not resolved peacefully and promptly, will also become a threat to world peace and security as continued foreign occupation of Kampuchea has brought in its wake big power rivalry and involvement. *Malaysia welcomes the setting up of the Coalition Government of Democratic Kampuchea under the Presidency of His Highness Prince Sihanouk as a positive step towards the peaceful resolution of the Kampuchea issue. *We look forward to a world characterised by sincere and constructive partnership and cooperation between the developed and more fortunate countries and the developing and less fortunate ones for their mutual benefit. ====A talk on ethnic relations and nation building at a function organised by the Malaysian Social Science Association==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=18 A talk on ethnic relations and nation building, 12 January 1983]</small> *Science, as we know it, is not value-free. This is more so with social sciences. And certainly, a subject such as ethnic relations, which tends to have an emotional overtone cannot be expected to be presented or analysed with pure objectivity. *To be otherwise is to delude ourselves. It is a reality that we have to accept and live with... societies must learn to cope with ethnic problems if the world and human civilisation is to have a meaningful future. *The multiracial nature of our society is a fact. It is something that every Malaysian must accept, live and cope with. *Malay culture is really a mixed culture in which elements of Chinese and Indian cultures have been absorbed, albeit modified in form. *The task of moulding a common national culture and to integrate people of differing ethnic groups is... much more difficult today than it was before. *The New Economic Policy was conceived with the view to remove the identification of race with economic function. *While elements of the racial cultures of the different ethnic groups are incorporated into the national culture, each race continues to practise its distinct culture in the environment of its own society. *If the cultures of the non-indigenous peoples are made the basis of a Malaysian national culture, then Malaysia would become simply an appendage... of the countries from which those cultures come. *Ethnicity remains a thorn in the Malaysian body, stifling change and progress. But there is no choice for Malaysia and Malaysians. We just have to continue our efforts to bring the different ethnic groups together. *The only choice left to us is to make everyone equally unhappy... even the indigenous people are not getting all that they ask for, and are consequently just as unhappy and dissatisfied. *We know we have difficult periods in front of us, but with care and reduced ethnic overtones, and by channelling our energy to productive uses we can bring our vision to reality. ====Opening of the 7th Malaysian Economic Convention==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=60 Opening of the 7th Malaysian Economic Convention, 18 January 1983]</small> *It is important to re-examine policies, and make structural changes so that policies and structures do not become objectives in themselves, but rather the means of achieving economic, social and political targets. *Malaysia is a free enterprise nation but its economy is subject to a variety of regulations as are all free enterprise economies. *We are constantly reexamining ourselves. An Economic Panel was set up recently for this purpose. *The world is going through a very difficult period. The whole banking system is now being questioned and with it the financing of international trade and investments. *High interest rates in a nation which lives on credit mean lowered consumption, lowered inventories and lowered investments. *There are things that we can change. There are others that we cannot change. Is it worthwhile to knock our heads against stone walls or should we use the prepared passage or the soft spots which will let us through. *The NEP is one of the most liberal policies. Those who have decided to live with it have done extremely well. *There is a lot wanting in the way policies are implemented, and economic administration is carried out. *The Government may not accept all that you recommend, but we will not ignore your findings or your recommendations. ====Speech on learning from Japan’s work ethic==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=46 Official dinner speech at the residence of Prime Minister Yasuhiro Nakasone, Tokyo – 24 January 1983]</small> *Malaysia which is the leading producer of a number of important raw materials such as rubber, tin, palm oil and tropical timber, is hard hit as a result of greatly reduced export earnings. *That is why I have asked Malaysians to 'Look East' and to learn from Japan. *What I have been exhorting is for Malaysians to emulate the Japanese in their work ethics and attitudes and their management system which, I think, is the main factor in Japan's rapid development and industrialisation. ===1984=== ====Speech at United States==== <small>[https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/remarks-the-president-and-prime-minister-mahathir-bin-mohamad-malaysia-following-their Remarks of the President and Prime Minister Mahathir bin Mohamad of Malaysia Following Their Meetings]</small> *If you were to ask me what is it I would want the United States to do with regard to economic policy, my honest and simple response is for the U.S. economy to get ahead and regain its strength, for the healthier and more vibrant the U.S. economy becomes, the better it will be, not only for the United States and Malaysia but all the developing countries in the world. *We do not expect handouts in our search for a better tomorrow. What we look for are new areas of cooperation and collaboration, particularly in the area of economy and trade interchange to help us in the realization of our aspirations to be a more self-relying and progressive nation. *Where we differ in respect to perception or policy, I'm gratified to note that there is a willingness on the part of the United States to achieve closer understanding and cooperation. *We pledge to continue this friendly and cooperative relationship for mutual benefits. ===2000–present=== * It's quite obvious that when the {{w|Eastern bloc}} was still there, it was a bustle between [[capitalism]] and [[communism]]. Once {{w|Revolutions of 1989|communism was defeated}}, then capitalism could [[Globalization|expand]] and [[Neoliberalism|show its true self]]. It's no longer constrained by the need to be nice, so that people will choose their so-called free-market system as opposed to the centrally planned system. So because of that, nowadays there is nothing to restrain capital, and capital is demanding that it should be able to go anywhere and do whatever it likes. ** [https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/commandingheights/shared/minitext/int_mahathirbinmohamad.html "Commanding Heights"] interview with PBS (2 July 2001). * Clearly Islam the religion is not the cause of [[terrorism]]. Islam, as I said, is a [[religion of peace]]. However through the centuries, deviations from the true teachings of Islam take place. And so [people who call themselves] "Muslims" kill despite the injunction of their religion against killing especially of innocent people. ** Speech <!-- to the UN General Assembly --> in New York City {{cite web |url=http://asiasociety.org/islam-terrorism-and-malaysias-response?page=0,1 |title=Islam, Terrorism, and Malaysia's Response (page 2) |website=Asia Society |date=4 February 2002}} * History should remember Blair and Bush as the killers of children or as the lying prime minister and president. ** [[w:Kuala Lumpur Summit|Perdana conference]], Kuala Lumpur, cited in {{cite news|url=https://www.irishexaminer.com/world/arid-30296556.html|title=Malaysian ex-PM: Blair and Bush are 'evil murderers'|newspaper=Irish Examiner|date=5 October 2007}} * We need an opposition to remind us if we are making mistakes. When you are not opposed you think everything you do is right. ** [http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2005/12/11/nation/12838957&sec=nation ''The Star''] (Malaysian publication, December 2005). * I believe that the country should have a strong government but not too strong. A two-thirds majority like I enjoyed when I was prime minister is sufficient but a 90% majority is too strong. ** December 2005, on his successor [[Abdullah Ahmad Badawi]]'s Parliamentary majority of 92%. [http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2005/12/11/nation/12838957&sec=nation] *I believe that if that bastard leaves, we then won't be bastardised. **in reference to Prime Minister [[Najib Razak]] during [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFd_fCF5CdM a speech at Pasir Gudang] on 29 August 2015. Previously, Najib Razak had warned that Malaysian Malays would be "bastardised" were [[w:UMNO|UMNO]] to lose power in the government, raising controversy by using a swear word (Malay "bangsat", loosely translated as "anus") in his speech. * To be a great leader, one needs to have good strategies, be knowledgeable and able to predict the future. [http://www.malaysiakini.com/news/110479 "Dr M on what makes a great leader"] malaysiakini (13 August 2009) *We call upon all Malaysians, irrespective of race, religion, political situation, creed or parties, young and old, to join us in saving Malaysia from the government headed by Najib Razak. We must rid ourselves of Najib as prime minister. If he’s allowed to go on, the damage will be worse and worse. **Mahathir's move to oust Prime Minister Najib Razak, quote above read from a joint statement endorsed by prominent members from the ruling party, opposition, and civil society groups, quoted on ''Channel News Asia'', [http://www.channelnewsasia.com/news/asiapacific/dr-mahathir-movement-will/2575782.html "Dr Mahathir movement will be bad for country: Malaysia Foreign Affairs Minister"] (5 March 2016). ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} {{commons category|Mahathir Mohamad|Mahathir bin Mohamad}} [[Category:1925 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Prime Ministers of Malaysia]] [[Category:Muslims]] [[Category:Antisemites]] 8u00ey8nz7malb5o2770lk3p40254ij 3778743 3778742 2025-07-14T15:34:22Z 2402:1980:28B:3B7D:0:0:0:1 3778743 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:PM Mahathir Mohamad gives press statement in Jakarta 2018-06-29.jpg|210px|thumb|Mahathir Mohamad in 2018]] '''[[w:Mahathir Mohamad|Mahathir Mohamad]]''' (born [[10 July]] [[1925]]) is a [[Malaysia|Malaysian]] politician who was the country's Prime Minister from 1981 to 2003 and 2018 to 2020. == Quotes == ===1981=== ====Opening of the ASEAN Travel Forum==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1427 Speech at the opening of the ASEAN Travel Forum, Genting Highlands, 20 October 1981]</small> *The coming together of ASEAN countries for the purpose of creating greater business opportunities for those involved in the tourist industry once again demonstrates ASEAN's determination to foster closer cooperation among member countries. *ASEAN firmly believes in regional cooperation as a means to achieve greater prosperity and stability for our region. *We have the potential to develop a wide variety of attractions within our region and these can indeed be promoted among our own people as well as among international visitors. *Let us put our heads together to evolve ways and means to develop the tourist industry in the ASEAN region. ====Third International Conference of Non-Governmental Organisations on Dadah Use Prevention and Control==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1621 Speech at the Third International Conference of Non-Governmental Organisations on Dadah Use Prevention and Control, Kuala Lumpur, 2 November 1981]</small> *Malaysia, like many other countries, is fully aware of the seriousness and complexity of the global problems of dadah use and substance abuse, and we fully endorse all international efforts, be it governmental or non-governmental, directed towards the eradication of this social menace. *The dadah problem in a sinister way is very democratic in that it does not discriminate against religion, racial descent, or socio-economic background of a person. *Malaysia comprehends the magnitude of the dadah problem. We have accordingly designated it as a security problem. *Insights, understanding and concepts are meaningless and empty unless bold action is taken to ensure results. *For us in Malaysia, the dadah problem is still our number one enemy. As a security problem, it will be given priority. *We cannot allow the expression "everybody’s responsibility is no one’s concern" to be true of dadah prevention. *Dadah is one enemy that we cannot say, "If we cannot fight its abuse, we can join in the abuse." *The obvious answer to the problem is to move on a broad front, to tackle both the underlying and the related dadah problem together. *ASEAN countries, who are both the source and the bearer of the brunt of the international dadah problem, merit greater attention of the world community. *In short, for the sake of future generations, we all have to respond actively, positively and urgently to overcome the dadah problem. ==== Speech at the ASEAN-U.S. Economic Conference ==== [https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1009 Speech at the ASEAN-U.S. Economic Conference, Kuala Lumpur Hilton, 18 November 1981] * What we need today if we are to achieve some semblance of a fair distribution of international wealth is sincerity based on true friendship and a clear understanding of the moral obligations that we all have towards each other. * Our economic policies are based on clear and definite political objectives. If we impose conditions on foreign investors, it is not because we grudge you your profits, but because we have a need to reconcile foreign economic incursions with national aspirations. * The political stability we achieve is, for you, much more worthwhile commercially than the short-term profits you might make. * We do not [[Nationalization|nationalize]], for example. [...] The predictability pertaining to economic policies is our asset. * The ASEAN nations are not intending to compete with the developed countries. Rather they wish to complement. * Malaysia is ruled by [[Conservatism|conservatives]] whose only desire is to develop the country for the benefit of the people. [[Radicalism]] and [[extremism]] has been rejected not only by the Government but also by the people. * We intend to have a firm grip [on inflation] through fiscal and monetary discipline. * I hope that you will take this opportunity to understand this region better and to explore ways and means of establishing better cooperation between American businessmen and financiers with ASEAN's counterparts. ====Speech during Visit to Singapore==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=3 Speech at a Dinner on the Occasion of the Visit to Singapore, 17 December 1981]</small> *An appreciation of differences is as important as the acknowledgement of the common historical and geo-political backgrounds in the fostering of understanding between our two countries. *We can always call up each other, and frankly discuss our mutual problems when they arise. *[[Singapore]]'s success story in the economic and social fields cannot but be a model for Malaysians rather than an object of envy. *What we do within our own country is contributory and complementary towards each other's progress. *The security of the region is the security of Malaysia. *The security apparatus of our two nations continue to cooperate closely against any subversive and criminal elements that could affect our stability even when political leaders are openly squabbling. *We live in a world of instant communication which has spawned instant events, instant interviews and instant comments. *ASEAN has proven to the world to be a viable and cohesive grouping. This credibility has to be sustained. *ASEAN's commitment transcends limited and localised national outlooks, and so renders possible a more daring programme for the future based on a peaceful and stable Southeast Asia. *We do not believe in double standards in the conduct of international relations. *Relations, if it is to be durable, must be based on the mutually accepted norms of equality and respect. There cannot be any compromise on this. *For us to opt for super-power collusion would be submitting ourselves to be pawns in their conflicts and rivalries. *The development of good relationship between our two countries is also a task for the leaders as well as of the people. ===1982=== ====Opening of the 12th ASEAN Economic Ministers Meeting==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=937 Speech at the opening of the 12th ASEAN Economic Ministers Meeting, Kuala Lumpur Hilton, 14 January 1982]</small> *Malaysia’s adherence to the principles of ASEAN cooperation is not altruistic. It is enlightened self-interest. *We cannot prosper alone in a region that is in turmoil and unstable. To prosper we have to have the kind of regional environment that is conducive to economic growth. *ASEAN should inject new ideas in industrial cooperation... the country with the biggest market would enjoy the most benefits even if the product was manufactured by a smaller country. *In industrial complementation, perhaps the private sector should play a more vigorous role. *We are heavily dependent on external services in shipping, and the rising freight charges are an additional burden to the balance of payments of ASEAN countries. *ASEAN as a whole constitutes a major producer of conventional energy such as gas and petroleum. Yet we lack the infrastructure and technology to fully exploit our natural resources. *Despite our disappointment in solving commodity problems, ASEAN should continue to adopt a collective approach and joint efforts in pursuing international economic issues. *ASEAN’s resilience and success serves as a model and shining example to other developing countries on meaningful economic cooperation. ====Opening of the Fourth AIPO General Assembly==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1509 Speech at the opening of the Fourth General Assembly of the ASEAN Inter-Parliamentary Organisation, Parliament House, Kuala Lumpur, 2 February 1982]</small> *We are indeed very happy to have this privilege of hosting the Fourth General Assembly of the ASEAN Inter-Parliamentary Organisation or AIPO. *Despite the various efforts made by us to secure fair terms of trade, we have, we must admit, largely been unsuccessful. *The aspirations of the peoples and Governments of our countries for a New International Economic Order have not only been ignored but their terms of trade continue to be made more inequitable. *We in Southeast Asia have entered an era fraught with unprecedented perils. *The ASEAN Parliament may yet be a forum for the successful coordination of our development and progress. ====Opening of the 5th MAJECA/JAMECA Conference==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=978 Speech at the opening of the 5th Joint Annual Conference of the Malaysia-Japan Economic Association and Japan-Malaysia Economic Association, Kuala Lumpur Hilton, 8 February 1982]</small> *Lately I have been exhorting Malaysians to emulate the Japanese, particularly in work ethics and ethical values. *The West is no longer a suitable model. They have lost their drive. They still want the good life but are not prepared to face the realities of a world market which they can no longer dominate. *When we ask Malaysians to look East, it is not so much your living standard that we are thinking about. That will come... What we are interested in is your work ethics. *It is not just skills we are after, but more importantly, the correct attitude to work, including the sense of belonging, which breeds loyalty. *A prosperous Malaysia will make a better customer and trading partner for [[Japan]]. *It is high time that our businessmen go international and venture to where the markets are, instead of waiting for the markets to come to them. ====Dinner in Honour of Premier Li Jong Ok==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1089 Speech at the dinner in honour of His Excellency Mr. Li Jong Ok, Premier of the Administrative Council of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, Parliament House, Kuala Lumpur, 11 February 1982]</small> *Malaysia has always followed a consistent policy of establishing friendly relations and mutual cooperation with all countries, irrespective of ideology or political systems. *Your Excellency's visit is an important milestone in the development of our bilateral relations. *It is our desire to see the emergence of a coalition government that is truly representative of the people of [[Cambodia|Kampuchea]]. *As non-aligned countries, both the [[North Korea|Democratic People's Republic of Korea]] and Malaysia can play a constructive role in bringing about the peace that we so desire in our respective regions. *Malaysia and the Democratic People's Republic of Korea share similar aspirations... to develop our respective economies and improve the standard of living of our respective peoples. ====Second International Symposium on Savings==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1570 Speech at the Second International Symposium on the Mobilisation of Personal Savings in Developing Countries, Hilton Kuala Lumpur, 15 March 1982]</small> *Our ability to raise adequate domestic savings to finance our development efforts is a necessary precondition, if we are to succeed in re-structuring our economies to cope with the rapid transformation that is taking place in the world economy today. *Despite the talk and widespread publicity on foreign assistance, be they official development aid or foreign direct investment, we have all along been depending on ourselves. *The function of any sound financial system should not only be to intermediate between the savers and the investors, but also to ensure that the less advantaged groups have access to adequate credit at reasonable cost. *The prices of our primary commodities are set by conveniently labelled 'supply and demand forces' located in the industrial countries. *The developing countries must seek ways and means of gaining entree into the market place. They should do so not individually but in cooperation with each other. ====Dinner in Honour of PM Van Agt==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1073 Speech at the dinner in honour of His Excellency Mr. A.A.M. Van Agt, Prime Minister of the Netherlands, Parliament House, Kuala Lumpur, 15 March 1982]</small> *Your Excellency's visit which is the first by a Prime Minister of the Netherlands is indeed an honour for Malaysia. *I have no doubt that your visit will further strengthen the relations and foster greater cooperation between our two countries. *Your support for the aspirations of the developing countries to effect structural changes to the international economic order cannot go without special mention. *Malaysia has of late become disenchanted with what is said to be a free market for commodity trading, particularly tin. *We are urging a producers' association, not in order to jack up prices or to hold the world to ransom, but in order to get fair prices while continuing to stay in the market. *We do hope that actual direct trade with the [[Netherlands]] will increase. *We are happy to see increased interest by [[Dutch people|Dutch]] businessmen in investment opportunities in Malaysia. *We will not nationalise or expropriate in any way. *If your shares or your companies are up for sale then we reserve the right to buy if we think that it is worthwhile. *Malaysia as a member of ASEAN is committed to improve the quality of life of our peoples and to enhance their general well-being. *We have made it clear that we cannot accept military intervention as a means of settling a zonal problem. *We firmly believe that such a solution would pave the way for the realisation of our objective of a Zone of Peace, Freedom and Neutrality in Southeast Asia. *Your visit stimulates not only the common desire to enhance further our bilateral relations but also reinforces the political will and commitment to the search for peace for the benefit of all concerned. *We share identical views on many issues of regional and international importance. ====National Seminar on Productivity==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1289 Speech at the National Seminar on Productivity, Hilton Hotel, Kuala Lumpur, 5 April 1982]</small> *We must face a future where we must stand on our own feet without the benefit of help from other sources. *Productivity means increased output without an equal increase in monetary input. *Work should be enjoyed in the same way that we enjoy playing. *No one is indispensable because everyone is indispensable. *A bored worker is as bad as a bored player. He does not win. A bored worker does not produce. *What we need is a drastic change in attitude on the part of everybody concerned. *The only answer is greater productivity. *Everyone should instill in himself a sense of responsibility both to himself and to his country. *If we can improve our attitudes and regard waste in all its forms as an unforgivable crime directed against ourselves, then we will achieve that high level of productivity so essential to our national development. *Japan’s greatest asset is human resource in the form of disciplined, hard working people. ====1982 Radio Malaysia Election Speech==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=915 Mahathir's 1982 radio address on elections, unity, and governance]</small> *Only a strong Government can champion the cause of the people and bring stability and prosperity to the country. *The National Front is a team. Its strength lies in its team spirit. *We believe that the people who should inherit this country and continue with the struggle to achieve our national aspiration shall be the people who believe and uphold the Rukunegara. ====State Feast in Tonga==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1611 State Feast, Nukuʻalofa, Tonga]</small> *In our interdependent world we have to help and stand by each other. *Today many traditional ways and customs of our forefathers seem to dissipate readily and be discarded. *Stretches of ocean lie between our lands but it is never too far or too difficult for us to keep in touch. ====Commonwealth Science Council Meeting==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=938 12th Meeting of the Commonwealth Science Council, 24 August 1982]</small> * Scientific and technological knowledge like all other forms of knowledge, we believe, increases as you share it with others. * The poor countries need help — not handouts, but a helping hand for their development. * The scientific knowledge and technology of the West cannot be simply imported into the country. It must be properly adjusted and adapted in order to fit into the special needs and requirements of the nation. * We are not about to invent the wheel again, but the application of discoveries and inventions originating elsewhere is part of the exercise in self-reliance. * Only the most primitive of the discarded industries will find a place in the developing world. * Scientific knowledge should be used not merely for material development, but also for the enhancement of the quality of life, and the achievement of peace and harmony. * The community of nations has not yet accepted the principle that the rich should help the poor. * Developing countries are so designated because they are relatively poor. If they are going to be able to buy from the developed countries, they must be helped to attain the financial capacity to do so. ====ASEAN–Japan Symposium==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=979 Speech at the 5th ASEAN–Japan Symposium, 24 August 1982]</small> *ASEAN today is faced with two major problems — one, the instability and uncertainty caused by the situation in Indochina; the second major problem arises out of the current world recession which threatens to retard the industrialisation efforts of the ASEAN countries. *The developed countries have opted for protectionism as a panacea for their ailing industries. If this tendency is not checked, not only would the exports of developing countries be affected but their development and industrialisation efforts would be seriously hampered. *ASEAN would pursue the creation of a Zone of Peace, Freedom and Neutrality in Southeast Asia. The leaders of ASEAN firmly believe that given their freedom from superpower dominance and interference, neighbouring states could successfully set aside their differences to forge a common purpose. *These opportunities were, however, lost when Vietnam intervened militarily and occupied Kampuchea. This she did with the open support of the Soviet Union. *ASEAN's approach to the solution of the Kampuchean problem is aimed at establishing a sovereign, independent and neutral Kampuchea respected and guaranteed by the great powers. *It has long been recognised that the political situation in Southeast Asia, directly or indirectly, impinges on Japan's economic and strategic interests. A prosperous and stable ASEAN is important to the maintenance of peace and stability in the region and therefore merits Japan's support. *Looking East does not mean total Japanization, or a complete break with the West. But it certainly means the almost total dependence on the West will be replaced by a more balanced attitude towards both East and West. *Our ‘Look East’ policy should not just be a one-way traffic. We seek the close cooperation, understanding and assistance not only from the Japanese Government but also from the Japanese public. ====The Presentation and Closing Ceremony of the 27th Asian Film Festival==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1553 Selected quotations from the 27th Asian Film Festival closing speech, 14 September 1982]</small> *Film makers, whether they are producers, directors, script writers, actors and actresses, are endowed with such special qualities that they can contribute in one way or the other towards the happiness of their audience. *They can make the audience happy or they can make them cry. They can make them knowledgeable or they can confuse them absolutely. *Above all they can inculcate positive values so essential to nation building and the development processes. *In the context of developing Malaysia, I see their vast potential in putting across our commitments and reassuring Malaysians of the targets of the nation's strategy in sustaining the growth of a happy and vibrant country as envisaged in our New Economic Policy. *However to be truly profitable local films must be good enough to be shown outside of this country. *Let your success inspire you to greater achievements. ====The Asia Society and the Council of Foreign Relations speech==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1020 Selected quotations from the Asia Society and Council on Foreign Relations speech, 28 September 1982]</small> *The European Economic Community uses economic power to continue political domination. The United States too was drawn into this grouping, thus adding strength to the domination of European countries over their former colonies. *ASEAN is not a strategic concept designed to overawe its neighbours. It was an ad hoc solution to a communications problem between neighbours who were strangers to each other. *Once it was formed, much more was expected of ASEAN than was ever in the minds of the founders. *The five countries of ASEAN are ethnically similar, but historically and politically diverse. *Foreign holdings were forcibly nationalised. But learning from the other ASEAN countries that such was not the route to prosperity, nationalisation was dropped. *All the ASEAN countries are now believers in free trade and free enterprise. Foreign capital is welcome by all. *ASEAN has brought prosperity and stability. Although it is not a military grouping, it can coordinate its policies to deter the kind of adventures that countries standing alone and economically troubled attract. ====The 37th Session of the United Nations General Assembly speech==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=964 Selected quotations from the 37th United Nations General Assembly speech, 29 September 1982]</small> *Might is now the only thing that is right. Weak countries like [[Afghanistan]], Kampuchea and [[Lebanon]] are trodden over by the boots of invading armies as the rest of the world stood by. *The credibility of the [[United Nations]] is at stake. The United Nations must regain its credibility. *The foreign military invasion and continued occupation of Kampuchea is a crime against the Kampuchean people and a threat to regional peace and security. *Nobody, not even a people who had suffered as much as the Jews had, have the right to inflict upon others the horrors of Sabra and Shatila. *[[Israel]] is a bully. If it is any bigger or stronger the world will not be safe. *Those weapons are for nothing less than murder. *To the developing nations, the continuance of the Afghan nationalist struggle is crucial. *Apartheid... is a travesty of justice and is an affront to human dignity. *Our patience and sense of fair-play is being taxed to the limit with the market manipulations abroad which in effect reduce our people to underpaid labourers. *The various exchanges located in the developed countries literally manipulate prices in order to make a profit for the brokers, the dealers, the speculators and others. *It is a case of heads you win, tails I lose. *The stockpile is merely a rich nation’s monopolistic weapon used to depress prices of commodities for the benefit of the consumers. *This world-wide depression is man-made. It is made in the powerful countries by short-sighted people. *There will be violence, riots and revolutions. Governments will fall and anarchy will prevail. *The world has suffered enough from this depression. We need action now. *The uninhabited lands of Antarctica... do not legally belong to the discoverers as much as the colonial territories do not belong to the colonial powers. *Historical episodes are not facts that can substantiate claims. *Israel continues to propagate the myth of the non-existence of the Palestinian people. ====Statement on Regional Economic and Functional Co-operation (CHOGRM III)==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=924 Selected quotations from Mahathir's CHOGRM III speech, Suva, Fiji, 18 October 1982]</small> *We in Malaysia too see the need for the injection of greater assistance to the South Pacific island countries so as to enable them to build up their national resilience and independence. *The Commonwealth is now on test. If the Commonwealth countries in our region cannot actualise economic and functional cooperation, the prestige of the Commonwealth itself will go down. *Some industrially developed nations really feel free to scour and devour the developing nations by their exploitative methods and practices. *They seem incapable of realizing that such libertine activities would only lead to the destruction of the free enterprise system itself. *Our advice to these countries should be that they talk less of their generosity to provide assistance to the poor nations and instead undertake a thorough soul-searching examination. ====State Dinner with Prime Minister Michael Somare of Papua New Guinea==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=17 Papua New Guinea Dinner Speech, 19 October 1982]</small> *The Government of Malaysia fully subscribes to the concept of economic and technical cooperation among developing countries. Malaysians are ready to participate in practical economic and technical programmes with [[Papua New Guinea]]. We are your 'wantoks'. *The spinoffs of better understanding and goodwill from increased contact and cooperation between our peoples will surely strengthen our friendship. *Malaysia is extremely unhappy at the manipulation of commodity prices by the various exchanges located in the developed countries. Scant regard is paid to the producers. To ensure reasonable prices, such an unhealthy system has to be dismantled. ====Opening of the ASEAN Law Association General Assembly==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1463 ASEAN Law Association Speech (26 Oct 1982)]</small> *I believe in the supremacy of the Constitution. The Malaysian Government will faithfully do its duty as guaranteed to minorities, rights guaranteed to the citizen and in some cases to the non-citizen also. The Constitution is not infallible, having been drafted by mere man. Hence the Constitution also provides for its amendment no doubt to make it compatible with changing times. But the conditions for amendments are such that the Constitution cannot be trifled with at will. *No man is above the law, not even those in power. Those in power are in fact trustees and their duty is to promote the public good, not self-enrichment. *During your deliberations it is only proper that as professionals you focus on legal justice. But I would like to point out that apart from legal justice, there are other kinds of justice which are also desirable that we should achieve, and that is economic and social justice. The former [[President of the United States]], Mr. [[Jimmy Carter|Carter]] in a speech to American lawyers said that in the [[United States]] there are many judges and many lawyers but not enough justice. He was referring to legal justice. As head of the Government I am acutely aware of the need to provide the broader kind of justice that I mentioned. *Each of these systems is designed to regulate in a fair manner the relations of man, the relations between man and the State; and prescribes a just way of resolving disputes among them. But each system follows different paths. Your deliberations should over a period of time produce a synthesis of laws for the benefit of the whole of ASEAN. ====Official Dinner Speech in Bangkok with Thai Prime Minister Prem Tinsulanonda==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1334 Mahathir–Prem Official Dinner, Bangkok (8 December 1982)]</small> *As close neighbours, common sense dictates that in our relations with each other there can be no alternative to mutual trust and the willingness to work together in facing our common problems. Indeed, our two countries are also brought together because of our affinity for each other and the many common perceptions we share. *The corner-stone of Malaysia's foreign policy vis-a-vis [[Thailand]] is, and will always be, one of good neighbourliness through mutual assistance and cooperation. *These are troubled times: not only have we to contend with a major world-wide economic recession, but also serious challenges to the peace and stability of our region. It is, therefore, all the more imperative that we continue working together both bilaterally and within the context of ASEAN. *Malaysia will work closely with Thailand for the preservation of peace and stability in the region. *It is through this ASEAN spirit and our commitment to the objectives of ASEAN that today we have in our region an association of nations that we can be justly proud of, for the simple reason that it works. *The motive-force for the success of ASEAN lies in our firm belief in peace and in working together for the prosperity of all in the region. *[[Vietnam]]'s military intervention and continued occupation of Kampuchea represents not only a direct interference in the internal affairs of the country, but a threat to the peace and stability of the whole region. The establishment of the Coalition Government of Democratic Kampuchea headed by His Highness Prince [[Norodom Sihanouk]] is a positive development. ====Official Dinner Speech Honouring French Prime Minister Pierre Mauroy==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1365 Mahathir–Pierre Mauroy Official Dinner, Kuala Lumpur (13 December 1982)]</small> *Your visit to Malaysia, Excellency, is the first ever by a Prime Minister of France. I am confident that your visit will contribute to the strengthening of the existing close ties of friendship and cooperation between our two countries. *While France may not be among Malaysia's major trading partners, she has participated in and contributed to our economic development in the past and continues to do so presently. *In adopting a 'Look East' policy in order to balance foreign influences on our national development, we are not turning our backs on the West completely. The West remains an important partner in our development efforts and French expertise, technology and investment are always welcome. *France... has of late introduced a ruling requiring that all customs import-documents be prepared in French. This is certainly an impediment to a freer flow of trade and constitutes another form of non-tariff barrier. *Imagine the consternation among French exporters if Malaysia were to insist that they must use Bahasa Malaysia in all their documentation. *Trade missions coming to sell goods here should bring along investors as well. We need investment in new projects to support our industrialisation programme. *What we would like to see is an offset programme whereby purchases and contracts are linked with economic reciprocity of one kind or another. *To achieve this objective of regional peace and stability, Malaysia, together with her partners in ASEAN, declared their resolve to make Southeast Asia a Zone of Peace, Freedom and Neutrality (ZOPFAN). *Our relations with countries of the region and beyond are based on the principles of respect for one another's independence, sovereignty and territorial integrity, non-interference in each other's internal affairs and non-use of force or threat of use of force. *The protraction of the situation in Kampuchea continues to pose a serious threat to regional peace and stability besides encouraging outside involvement and interference in the region. The formation of the Coalition Government of Democratic Kampuchea under the Presidency of His Highness Prince Norodom Sihanouk is a welcome development towards achieving such a negotiated political settlement of the Kampuchean issue. *Towards this end, we would urge that France, a country which has historical links with countries in this region, to contribute positively to the political solution of the Kampuchean issue. ===1983=== ====Official dinner in honour of the Rt. Hon. [[Pierre Trudeau|Pierre Elliott Trudeau]], Prime Minister of Canada==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=52 Official dinner in honour of Canadian Prime Minister Pierre Elliott Trudeau, 10 January 1983]</small> *Change and development are integral to any society and nation. The problem that confronts societies and nations, however, is that not all developments are for the better. *Malaysia, within this context, welcomes [[Canada|Canadian]] participation in our current national development endeavours, as outlined in the Fourth Malaysia Plan. *Canada-ASEAN relations can become the model of cooperation between a developed country and a group of developing countries, based on partnership on equal terms and common interest. *[[International law]] and order has truly broken down, giving rise to a situation where might and right is almost synonymous. *What is needed is the full backing of the powerful nations. They must revitalise the Organisation which they had created. *We are quite sure that the prices of all manufactured products that developing countries have to buy will continue to rise even when fuel prices go down. *For Malaysia and other developing countries it is a case of 'heads I lose, tails you win' all the time. *Killing OPEC is likely to result in more [[Mexico|Mexicos]], rather than economic recovery. *The Kampuchea issue, if not resolved peacefully and promptly, will also become a threat to world peace and security as continued foreign occupation of Kampuchea has brought in its wake big power rivalry and involvement. *Malaysia welcomes the setting up of the Coalition Government of Democratic Kampuchea under the Presidency of His Highness Prince Sihanouk as a positive step towards the peaceful resolution of the Kampuchea issue. *We look forward to a world characterised by sincere and constructive partnership and cooperation between the developed and more fortunate countries and the developing and less fortunate ones for their mutual benefit. ====A talk on ethnic relations and nation building at a function organised by the Malaysian Social Science Association==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=18 A talk on ethnic relations and nation building, 12 January 1983]</small> *Science, as we know it, is not value-free. This is more so with social sciences. And certainly, a subject such as ethnic relations, which tends to have an emotional overtone cannot be expected to be presented or analysed with pure objectivity. *To be otherwise is to delude ourselves. It is a reality that we have to accept and live with... societies must learn to cope with ethnic problems if the world and human civilisation is to have a meaningful future. *The multiracial nature of our society is a fact. It is something that every Malaysian must accept, live and cope with. *Malay culture is really a mixed culture in which elements of Chinese and Indian cultures have been absorbed, albeit modified in form. *The task of moulding a common national culture and to integrate people of differing ethnic groups is... much more difficult today than it was before. *The New Economic Policy was conceived with the view to remove the identification of race with economic function. *While elements of the racial cultures of the different ethnic groups are incorporated into the national culture, each race continues to practise its distinct culture in the environment of its own society. *If the cultures of the non-indigenous peoples are made the basis of a Malaysian national culture, then Malaysia would become simply an appendage... of the countries from which those cultures come. *Ethnicity remains a thorn in the Malaysian body, stifling change and progress. But there is no choice for Malaysia and Malaysians. We just have to continue our efforts to bring the different ethnic groups together. *The only choice left to us is to make everyone equally unhappy... even the indigenous people are not getting all that they ask for, and are consequently just as unhappy and dissatisfied. *We know we have difficult periods in front of us, but with care and reduced ethnic overtones, and by channelling our energy to productive uses we can bring our vision to reality. ====Opening of the 7th Malaysian Economic Convention==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=60 Opening of the 7th Malaysian Economic Convention, 18 January 1983]</small> *It is important to re-examine policies, and make structural changes so that policies and structures do not become objectives in themselves, but rather the means of achieving economic, social and political targets. *Malaysia is a free enterprise nation but its economy is subject to a variety of regulations as are all free enterprise economies. *We are constantly reexamining ourselves. An Economic Panel was set up recently for this purpose. *The world is going through a very difficult period. The whole banking system is now being questioned and with it the financing of international trade and investments. *High interest rates in a nation which lives on credit mean lowered consumption, lowered inventories and lowered investments. *There are things that we can change. There are others that we cannot change. Is it worthwhile to knock our heads against stone walls or should we use the prepared passage or the soft spots which will let us through. *The NEP is one of the most liberal policies. Those who have decided to live with it have done extremely well. *There is a lot wanting in the way policies are implemented, and economic administration is carried out. *The Government may not accept all that you recommend, but we will not ignore your findings or your recommendations. ====Speech on learning from Japan’s work ethic==== <small>[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=46 Official dinner speech at the residence of Prime Minister Yasuhiro Nakasone, Tokyo – 24 January 1983]</small> *Malaysia which is the leading producer of a number of important raw materials such as rubber, tin, palm oil and tropical timber, is hard hit as a result of greatly reduced export earnings. *That is why I have asked Malaysians to 'Look East' and to learn from Japan. *What I have been exhorting is for Malaysians to emulate the Japanese in their work ethics and attitudes and their management system which, I think, is the main factor in Japan's rapid development and industrialisation. *Together we would be laying the foundation for an enduring and meaningful relationship between our two countries and peoples. ===1984=== ====Speech at United States==== <small>[https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/remarks-the-president-and-prime-minister-mahathir-bin-mohamad-malaysia-following-their Remarks of the President and Prime Minister Mahathir bin Mohamad of Malaysia Following Their Meetings]</small> *If you were to ask me what is it I would want the United States to do with regard to economic policy, my honest and simple response is for the U.S. economy to get ahead and regain its strength, for the healthier and more vibrant the U.S. economy becomes, the better it will be, not only for the United States and Malaysia but all the developing countries in the world. *We do not expect handouts in our search for a better tomorrow. What we look for are new areas of cooperation and collaboration, particularly in the area of economy and trade interchange to help us in the realization of our aspirations to be a more self-relying and progressive nation. *Where we differ in respect to perception or policy, I'm gratified to note that there is a willingness on the part of the United States to achieve closer understanding and cooperation. *We pledge to continue this friendly and cooperative relationship for mutual benefits. ===2000–present=== * It's quite obvious that when the {{w|Eastern bloc}} was still there, it was a bustle between [[capitalism]] and [[communism]]. Once {{w|Revolutions of 1989|communism was defeated}}, then capitalism could [[Globalization|expand]] and [[Neoliberalism|show its true self]]. It's no longer constrained by the need to be nice, so that people will choose their so-called free-market system as opposed to the centrally planned system. So because of that, nowadays there is nothing to restrain capital, and capital is demanding that it should be able to go anywhere and do whatever it likes. ** [https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/commandingheights/shared/minitext/int_mahathirbinmohamad.html "Commanding Heights"] interview with PBS (2 July 2001). * Clearly Islam the religion is not the cause of [[terrorism]]. Islam, as I said, is a [[religion of peace]]. However through the centuries, deviations from the true teachings of Islam take place. And so [people who call themselves] "Muslims" kill despite the injunction of their religion against killing especially of innocent people. ** Speech <!-- to the UN General Assembly --> in New York City {{cite web |url=http://asiasociety.org/islam-terrorism-and-malaysias-response?page=0,1 |title=Islam, Terrorism, and Malaysia's Response (page 2) |website=Asia Society |date=4 February 2002}} * History should remember Blair and Bush as the killers of children or as the lying prime minister and president. ** [[w:Kuala Lumpur Summit|Perdana conference]], Kuala Lumpur, cited in {{cite news|url=https://www.irishexaminer.com/world/arid-30296556.html|title=Malaysian ex-PM: Blair and Bush are 'evil murderers'|newspaper=Irish Examiner|date=5 October 2007}} * We need an opposition to remind us if we are making mistakes. When you are not opposed you think everything you do is right. ** [http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2005/12/11/nation/12838957&sec=nation ''The Star''] (Malaysian publication, December 2005). * I believe that the country should have a strong government but not too strong. A two-thirds majority like I enjoyed when I was prime minister is sufficient but a 90% majority is too strong. ** December 2005, on his successor [[Abdullah Ahmad Badawi]]'s Parliamentary majority of 92%. [http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2005/12/11/nation/12838957&sec=nation] *I believe that if that bastard leaves, we then won't be bastardised. **in reference to Prime Minister [[Najib Razak]] during [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFd_fCF5CdM a speech at Pasir Gudang] on 29 August 2015. Previously, Najib Razak had warned that Malaysian Malays would be "bastardised" were [[w:UMNO|UMNO]] to lose power in the government, raising controversy by using a swear word (Malay "bangsat", loosely translated as "anus") in his speech. * To be a great leader, one needs to have good strategies, be knowledgeable and able to predict the future. [http://www.malaysiakini.com/news/110479 "Dr M on what makes a great leader"] malaysiakini (13 August 2009) *We call upon all Malaysians, irrespective of race, religion, political situation, creed or parties, young and old, to join us in saving Malaysia from the government headed by Najib Razak. We must rid ourselves of Najib as prime minister. If he’s allowed to go on, the damage will be worse and worse. **Mahathir's move to oust Prime Minister Najib Razak, quote above read from a joint statement endorsed by prominent members from the ruling party, opposition, and civil society groups, quoted on ''Channel News Asia'', [http://www.channelnewsasia.com/news/asiapacific/dr-mahathir-movement-will/2575782.html "Dr Mahathir movement will be bad for country: Malaysia Foreign Affairs Minister"] (5 March 2016). ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} {{commons category|Mahathir Mohamad|Mahathir bin Mohamad}} [[Category:1925 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Prime Ministers of Malaysia]] [[Category:Muslims]] [[Category:Antisemites]] mcxaad1uby91zje5eqhjl7frez8w8jp 0 5060 3778758 3768841 2025-07-14T17:03:40Z 170.212.0.133 Improper citation to a totally unrelated website 3778758 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Lyndon B. Johnson, photo portrait, leaning on chair, color.jpg|thumb|Extend the [[rights]] of [[citizenship]] to every citizen of this land. <br /> There is no constitutional issue here. The command of [[United States Constitution|the Constitution]] is plain.<br />There is no [[moral]] issue. It is wrong — deadly wrong — to deny any of your fellow Americans the right to vote in this country. <br /> There is no issue of States rights or national rights. There is only the struggle for [[human rights]].]] '''[[w:Lyndon B. Johnson|Lyndon Baines Johnson]]''' ([[27 August]] [[1908]] &ndash; [[22 January]] [[1973]]), often referred to by his initials '''LBJ''', was an [[United States|American]] [[w:Politics of the United States|politician]]. After a long career in U.S. legislatures, Johnson became the [[w:Vice President of the United States|vice president]] of the [[United States|United States of America]] under [[John F. Kennedy]], from 1961 to 1963. A [[Democratic Party (United States)|Democrat]], Johnson became the 36th [[w:President of the United States|U.S. president]] in 1963, after [[w:John F. Kennedy assassination|Kennedy's assassination]]. He served in the role until 1969. == Quotes == [[File:Signing of the EOA.jpg|thumb|You do not take a person who, for years, has been hobbled by chains and liberate him, bring him up to the starting line of a race and then say, 'you are free to compete with all the others,' and still justly believe that you have been completely fair.]] [[File:A2738-19a_small.jpg|thumb|If you can convince the lowest white man he's better than the best colored man, he won't notice you're picking his pocket. Hell, give him somebody to look down on, and he'll empty his pockets for you.]] [[File:Lyndon Johnson signing Civil Rights Act, July 2, 1964.jpg|thumb|At times history and fate meet at a single time in a single place to shape a turning point in man's unending search for freedom.]] [[File:Levi Eshkol and President Johnson with honor guard 1964.jpg|thumb|The purpose of protecting the life of our Nation and preserving the liberty of our citizens is to pursue the happiness of our people. Our success in that pursuit is the test of our success as a Nation.]] [[File:LBJ and JFK.jpg|thumb|The challenge of the next half century is whether we have the wisdom to use that wealth to enrich and elevate our national life, and to advance the quality of our American civilization….]] [[File:1964 Blue Room Christmas Tree.jpg|thumb|Poverty must not be a bar to learning, and learning must offer an escape from poverty.]] [[File:LBJ and RFK campaign 1964.jpg|thumb|There are no problems which we cannot solve together, and there are very few which any of us can settle by himself.]] [[File:Chapmans Coffin.jpg|thumb|I do not find it easy to send the flower of our youth, our finest young men, into battle.]] [[File:Ljohnson.jpeg|thumb|A democracy works best when the people have all the information that the security of the Nation permits. No one should be able to pull curtains of secrecy around decisions which can be revealed without injury to the public interest.]] [[File:ArlingtonCemetery.jpg|thumb|To deny a man his hopes because of his color or race, his religion or the place of his birth is not only to do injustice; it is to deny America and to dishonor the dead who gave their lives for American freedom.]] [[File:Visit of President Johnson in Vietnam.jpg|thumb|Freedom of information is so vital that only the national security, not the desire of public officials or private citizens, should determine when it must be restricted.]] [[File:L B Johnson 1973 Issue-8c.jpg|thumb|The United States is an open society in which the people's right to know is cherished and guarded.]] [[File:Lbjsigningbill.jpg|thumb|The only real road to progress for free people is through the process of law.]] [[File:WhSouthLawn.JPEG|thumb|[[Dwight D. Eisenhower|Eisenhower]] used to tell me that this place was a prison. I never felt freer.]] [[File:Seal of the United States Department of Justice.svg|thumb|Justice means a man's hope should not be limited by the color of his skin.]] [[File:CH-53 landing at Defense Attaché Office compound, Operation Frequent Wind.jpg|thumb|The war in Vietnam is not like these other wars. Yet, finally, war is always the same. It is young men dying in the fullness of their promise. It is trying to kill a man that you do not even know well enough to hate. Therefore, to know war is to know that there is still madness in this world.]] [[File:Vietnamese refugees on US carrier, Operation Frequent Wind.jpg|thumb|Make no mistake about it&nbsp;... We are going to win.]] [[File:Flag of South Vietnam.svg|thumb|The people of Vietnam, north and south, seek the same things. The shared needs of man, the needs for food and shelter and education, the chance to build and work and till the soil, free from the arbitrary horrors of battle, the desire to walk in the dignity of those who master their own destiny. For many painful years, in war and revolution and infrequent peace, they have struggled to fulfill those needs. It is a crime against mankind that so much courage, and so much will, and so many dreams, must be flung on the fires of war and death.]] ===1950s=== * I'm going to have to bring up the nigger bill again. ** Said to a southern U.S. Senator upon the occasion of the Republicans re-introducing the Civil Right Act of 1957, according to LBJ's Special Counsel Harry McPherson. As quoted in {{cite interview|last=McPherson|first=Harry|interviewer=Michael L. Gillette|title=Transcript, Harry McPherson Oral History Interview VI, 5/16/85, by Michael L. Gillette, LBJLibrary|url=http://www.lbjlib.utexas.edu/johnson/archives.hom/oralhistory.hom/mcpherson/mcpher06.pdf|date=16 May 1985 |publisher=LBJ Presidential Library|location=Austin, Texas|page=2|accessdate=6 January 2015}} * Let's face it. Our ass is in a crack. We're gonna have to let this nigger bill pass. ** Said to Senator John Stennis (D-MS) during a debate on the Civil Rights Act of 1957. As quoted in {{cite book |last=Caro |first=Robert A. |date= 2002|title=The Years of Lyndon Johnson: Master of the Senate, Volume 3 |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=U87rzAqVhbwC |location=New York |publisher=Knopf |page=954 |isbn=0394528360 |accessdate=6 January 2015}} * Sam, why don't you all let this nigger bill pass? ** Said to Speaker of the House Sam Rayburn (D-TX) regarding the Civil Rights Act of 1957. As quoted in {{cite book |last=Dallek |first=Robert |date=1991 |title=Lone Star Rising: Lyndon Johnson and His Times, 1908-1960 |url=http://books.google.com/books?id=t_LjEJdaAiYC |location=Oxford, England |publisher=Oxford University Press |page=519 |isbn=0195054350 |accessdate=5 July 2014}} * '''These Negroes, they're getting pretty uppity these days and that's a problem for us since they've got something now they never had before, the political pull to back up their uppityness. Now we've got to do something about this, we've got to give them a little something, just enough to quiet them down, not enough to make a difference.''' For if we don't move at all, then their allies will line up against us and there'll be no way of stopping them, we'll lose the filibuster and there'll be no way of putting a brake on all sorts of wild legislation. '''It'll be [[Reconstruction era|Reconstruction]] all over again.''' **Said to Senator Richard Russell, Jr. (D-GA) regarding the Civil Rights Act of 1957. As quoted in [http://books.google.com/books?id=HS9aAAAAYAAJ ''Lyndon Johnson and the American Dream''] (1977), by Doris Kearns Goodwin, New York: New American Library, p. 155 ===1960s=== * '''This is a sad time for all people. We have suffered a loss that cannot be weighed. For me, it is a deep, personal tragedy. I know the world shares the sorrow that [[Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis|Mrs. Kennedy]] and her family bear. I will do my best; that is all I can do. I ask for your help and God's.''' ** First official statement as President after the assassination of President John F. Kennedy, televised live from Andrews Air Force Base (22 November 1963) * I am so proud of our system of government, of our [[free enterprise]], where our incentive system and our men who head our big [[Industry|industries]] are willing to get up at daylight and work until midnight to offer [[employment]] and create new jobs for people, where our men working there will try to get decent wages but will sit across the table and not act like cannibals, but will negotiate and reason things out together. ** [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/index.php?pid=26108 "Transcript of Television and Radio Interview Conducted by Representatives of Major Broadcast Services.,"] (15 March 1964), online at The American Presidency Project by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley * '''The challenge of the next half century is whether we have the wisdom to use that wealth to enrich and elevate our national life, and to advance the quality of our American civilization….<br />The Great Society rests on abundance and liberty for all. It demands an end to poverty and racial injustice, to which we are totally committed in our time. But that is just the beginning.<br />The Great Society is a place where every child can find knowledge to enrich his mind and to enlarge his talents. It is a place where leisure is a welcome chance to build and reflect, not a feared cause of boredom and restlessness. It is a place where the city of man serves not only the needs of the body and the demands of commerce but the desire for beauty and the hunger for community.<br />It is a place where man can renew contact with nature. It is a place which honors creation for its own sake and for what it adds to the understanding of the race. It is a place where men are more concerned with the quality of their goals than the quantity of their goods.<br />But most of all, the Great Society is not a safe harbor, a resting place, a final objective, a finished work. It is a challenge constantly renewed, beckoning us toward a destiny where the meaning of our lives matches the marvelous products of our labor.''' ** Remarks at the University of Michigan, Ann Arbor (May 22, 1964). ''Public Papers of the Presidents of the United States: Lyndon B. Johnson, 1963–64'', book 1, p. 704 * '''The purpose of protecting the life of our Nation and preserving the liberty of our citizens is to pursue the [[happiness]] of our people. Our success in that pursuit is the test of our success as a Nation.''' ** The Great Society (May 22, 1964). [https://web.archive.org/web/20210110235732/https://usa.usembassy.de/etexts/speeches/rhetoric/lbjgreat.htm Archived] from [https://usa.usembassy.de/etexts/speeches/rhetoric/lbjgreat.htm the original] on January 10, 2021. * '''[[Poverty]] must not be a bar to [[learning]], and learning must offer an escape from poverty.''' ** The Great Society (May 22, 1964). [https://web.archive.org/web/20210110235732/https://usa.usembassy.de/etexts/speeches/rhetoric/lbjgreat.htm Archived] from [https://usa.usembassy.de/etexts/speeches/rhetoric/lbjgreat.htm the original] on January 10, 2021. * '''Fuck your parliament and your constitution. [[United States|America]] is an elephant. [[Cyprus]] is a flea. [[Greece]] is a flea'''. If these two fleas continue itching the elephant, they may just get whacked good&nbsp;... We pay a lot of good American dollars to the Greeks, Mr. Ambassador. If [[Georgios Papandreou|your Prime Minister]] gives me talk about democracy, parliament and constitution, he, his parliament and his constitution may not last long&nbsp;... ** Comment to the Greek ambassador to Washington, Alexander Matsas, over the Cyprus issue in June 1964. As quoted in ''I Should Have Died'' (1977) by Philip Deane, pp. 113-114 * Well, I think we may have lost [[Solid South|the south]] for your lifetime—and mine. ** Comment to journalist and special assistant [[Bill Moyers]], as quoted in Charles Kaiser, [https://www.theguardian.com/books/2023/jan/22/we-may-have-lost-the-south-lbj-democrats-civil-rights-act-1964-bill-moyers "&nbsp;'We May Have Lost the South': What LBJ Really Said About Democrats in 1964"], ''[[The Guardian]]'', January 23, 2023 * Our government is united in its determination to take all necessary measures in support of [[freedom]] and in defense of [[peace]] in Southeast Asia. ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dx8-ffiYyzA Report on the Gulf of Tonkin Incident] (4 August 1964) * This has been a year without precedent in the history of relations between the Executive and the Legislative Branches of our Government. This session of Congress has enacted more major legislation, met more national needs, disposed of more national issues than any other session of this century or the last. ** [https://archive.org/details/sim_cq-almanac_1964_20_contents/mode/2up?view=theater Congressional Quarterly 1964: Vol 20 Table of Contents, P.66] An assessment made by Johnson of the record of the 88th congress on August the 19th 1964. * '''And I just want to tell you this&nbsp;— we're in favor of a lot of things and we're against mighty few.''' ** Campaign statement (1964), as quoted in ''The Making of the President, 1964'' (1966) by [[T. H. White]], p. 413. <!-- New York: Signet Books --> * '''There are no problems which we cannot solve together, and there are very few which any of us can settle by himself.''' ** President Johnson's thirty-fourth news conference was held on the front lawn at the LBJ Ranch, Johnson City, Tex., at 10:45 a.m. on Saturday, November 28, 1964. Source: [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/the-presidents-news-conference-the-lbj-ranch-1 Lyndon B. Johnson, The President's News Conference at the LBJ Ranch. Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley from The American Presidency Project.] * I am going to build the kind of nation that [[Franklin D. Roosevelt|President Roosevelt]] hoped for, [[Harry S. Truman|President Truman]] worked for and [[John F. Kennedy|President Kennedy]] died for. ** ''The Sunday Times'' (27 Dec 1964) * Son, when I appoint a nigger to the court, I want everyone to know he's a nigger. **Said to an aide in 1965 regarding the appointment of [[Thurgood Marshall]] as associate justice of the [[Supreme Court of the United States|Supreme Court]]. As quoted in {{cite book |last=Dallek |first=Robert |date=1991 |title=Lone Star Rising: Lyndon Johnson and His Times, 1908-1960 |url=http://books.google.com/books?id=t_LjEJdaAiYC |location=Oxford, England |publisher=Oxford University Press |page=519 |isbn=0195054350 |accessdate=5 July 2014}} * The same society which receives the rewards of [[technology]] must, as a cooperating whole, take responsibility for control. To deal with these new problems will require a new [[conservation]]. We must not only protect the countryside and save it from destruction, we must restore what has been destroyed and salvage the beauty and charm of our cities. Our conservation must be not just the classic conservation of protection and development, but a creative conservation of restoration and innovation. Its concern is not with nature alone, but with the total relation between man and the world around him. Its object is not just man's welfare, but the dignity of man's spirit. ** ''Message to Congress on Conservation and Restoration of Natural Beauty'' written to Congress (8 Feb 1965), in ''Lyndon B. Johnson: Containing the Public Messages, Speeches, and Statements of the President'' (1965), Vol.1, 156. United States. President (1963-1969 : Johnson), Lyndon Baines Johnson, United States. Office of the Federal Register&nbsp;— 1970 * The American city should be a collection of communities where every member has a right to belong. It should be a place where every man feels safe on his streets and in the house of his friends. It should be a place where each individual’s dignity and self-respect is strengthened by the respect and affection of his neighbors. It should be a place where each of us can find the satisfaction and warmth which comes from being a member of the community of man. This is what man sought at the dawn of civilization. It is what we seek today. ** Special message to the Congress on the nation's cities (March 2, 1965); reported in ''Public Papers of the Presidents of the United States: Lyndon B. Johnson, 1965'', book 1, p. 240 * We don't propose to sit here in our rocking chair with our hands folded and let the [[Communism|Communists]] set up any government in the [[Americas|Western Hemisphere]]. ** Remarks to the 10th National Legislative Conference, Building and Construction Trades Department, AFL-CIO (May 3, 1965); reported in ''Public Papers of the Presidents of the United States: Lyndon B. Johnson, 1965'', book 1, p. 480 * You do not wipe away the scars of centuries by saying, "Now you are free to go where you want, and do as you [[desire]], and [[choose]] the [[leaders]] you please." <br /> You do not take a person who, for years, has been hobbled by chains and liberate him, bring him up to the starting line of a race and then say, "You are free to [[compete]] with all the others," and still justly [[believe]] that you have been completely [[fair]]. <br />Thus it is not enough just to open the gates of [[opportunity]]. All our [[citizens]] must have the [[ability]] to walk through those gates. And this is the next and the more profound stage of the battle for [[civil rights]]. <br />We seek not just [[freedom]] but opportunity. We seek not just [[legal]] [[equity]] but [[human]] ability, not just [[equality]] as a [[right]] and a [[theory]], but equality as a [[fact]], and equality as a [[result]]. ** Statement on affirmative action in the [https://www.americanrhetoric.com/speeches/lbjhowarduniversitycommencement.htm LBJ Commencement Address at Howard University] (4 June 1965) * '''We do not want an expanding struggle with consequences, that no one can perceive, nor will we bluster or bully or flaunt our power, but we will not surrender and we will not retreat, for behind our American pledge lies the determination and resources, I believe, of all of the American nation.''' ** [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/index.php?pid=27116 News Conference (28 July 1965)] * '''I do not find it easy to send the flower of our youth, our finest young men, into battle.''' ** [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/index.php?pid=27116 (28 July 1965)] * I hope that you of the [[w:International Platform Association|IPA]] will go out into the hinterland and rouse the masses and blow the bugles and tell them that the hour has arrived and their day is here; that we are on the march against the ancient enemies and we are going to be successful. ** Remarks to the International Platform Association (August 3, 1965); reported in ''Public Papers of the Presidents of the United States: Lyndon B. Johnson, 1965'', book 2, p. 822 * We know that most people's intentions are good. We don't question their motives; we've never said they're unpatriotic, although they say some pretty ugly things about us. And we believe very strongly on preserving the right to differ in this country, and the right to dissent; and if I have done a good job of anything since I've been president, it's to ensure that there are plenty of dissenters. ** [http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/amex/vietnam/series/pt_10.html Statement (17 November 1967), as quoted in ''Vietnam: A Television History'' (1983) "Homefront USA" ] * What did you expect? I don't know why we're so surprised. When you put your foot on a man's neck and hold him down for three hundred years, and then you let him up, what's he going to do? He's going to knock your block off. ** Regarding rioting (1968), as quoted in ''Judgment days: Lyndon Baines Johnson, Martin Luther King, Jr., and the laws that changed America'' (2005), by Nick Kotz, Boston: Houghton Mifflin. p. 417 {{Original recording|Remarks at a Meeting of the Alliance of Businessmen (March 1968), by Lyndon B. Johnson.oga}} * Make no mistake about it. I don't want a man in here to go back home thinking otherwise; we are going to win. ** [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/?pid=28740 Remarks at a Meeting of the National Alliance of Businessmen (16 March 1968).] * Our society is illuminated by the spiritual insights of the Hebrew prophets. America and [[Israel]] have a common love of human freedom, and they have a common faith in a democratic way of life. **[http://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/jsource/US-Israel/lbjpeace1.html From a speech on the state of the Middle East, September 10, 1968] ====Memorial Day speech (1963)==== [[File:A mosaic LAW by Frederick Dielman, 1847-1935.JPG|thumb|The law cannot save those who deny it but neither can the law serve any who do not use it. The history of injustice and inequality is a history of disuse of the law. Law has not failed&ndash;and is not failing. We as a nation have failed ourselves by not trusting the law and by not using the law to gain sooner the ends of justice which law alone serves.]] :<small>Remarks of Vice President Lyndon B. Johnson, Memorial Day, Gettysburg, Pennsylvania (May 30, 1963). Source: [http://www.lbjlib.utexas.edu/johnson/archives.hom/speeches.hom/630530.asp Press Release, "5/30/63, Remarks by Vice President, Memorial Day, Gettysburg, Pennsylvania," Statements File, Box 80, LBJ Library.]</small> * '''On this hallowed ground, [[w:Batttle of Gettysburg|heroic deeds]] were performed and [[w:Gettysburg Address|eloquent words]] were spoken a century ago. We, the living, have not forgotten&ndash;and the world will never forget&ndash;the deeds or the words of Gettysburg. We honor them now''' as we join on this [[Memorial Day]] of 1963 '''in a prayer for permanent peace of the world and fulfillment of our hopes for universal freedom and justice.''' * '''We are called to honor our own words of reverent prayer with resolution in the deeds we must perform to preserve peace and the hope of freedom. We keep a vigil of peace around the world. Until the world knows no aggressors, until the arms of tyranny have been laid down, until freedom has risen up in every land, we shall maintain our vigil to make sure our sons who died on foreign fields shall not have died in vain.''' * As we maintain the vigil of peace, we must remember that '''justice is a''' vigil, too&nbsp;— '''a vigil we must keep in our own streets and schools and among the lives of all our people&nbsp;— so that those who died here on their native soil shall not have died in vain.''' * '''One hundred years ago, the slave was freed. One hundred years later, the Negro remains in bondage to the color of his skin. The Negro today asks justice. We do not answer him'''&nbsp;— we do not answer those who lie beneath this soil&nbsp;— '''when we reply to the Negro by asking, "Patience."''' * '''It is empty to plead that the solution to the dilemmas of the present rests on the hands of the clock. The solution is in our hands.''' Unless we are willing to yield up our destiny of greatness among the civilizations of history, Americans&nbsp;— white and Negro together&nbsp;— must be about the business of resolving the challenge which confronts us now. * '''Our nation found its soul in honor on these fields of Gettysburg one hundred years ago. We must not lose that soul in dishonor now on the fields of hate. To ask for patience from the Negro is to ask him to give more of what he has already given enough. But to fail to ask of him&nbsp;— and of all Americans&nbsp;— perseverance within the processes of a free and responsible society would be to fail to ask what the national interest requires of all its citizens.''' * '''The law cannot save those who deny it but neither can the law serve any who do not use it. The history of injustice and inequality is a history of disuse of the law. Law has not failed&nbsp;— and is not failing. We as a nation have failed ourselves by not trusting the law and by not using the law to gain sooner the ends of justice which law alone serves.''' If the white over-estimates what he has done for the Negro without the law, the Negro may under-estimate what he is doing and can do for himself with the law. * If it is empty to ask [[African American|Negro]] or [[White people|white]] for patience, it is not empty&nbsp;— it is merely honest&nbsp;— to ask perseverance. '''Men may build barricades&nbsp;— and others may hurl themselves against those barricades&nbsp;— but what would happen at the barricades would yield no answers. The answers will only be wrought by our perseverance together. It is deceit to promise more as it would be cowardice to demand less.''' * '''The Negro says, "Now." Others say, "Never." The voice of responsible Americans&nbsp;— the voice of those who died here and the great man who spoke here&nbsp;— their voices say, "Together." There is no other way.''' * '''Until justice is blind to color, until education is unaware of race, until opportunity is unconcerned with the color of men's skins, emancipation will be a proclamation but not a fact. To the extent that the [[w:Emancipation Proclamation|proclamation of emancipation]] is not fulfilled in fact, to that extent we shall have fallen short of [[Abraham Lincoln#Second_State_of_the_Union_address_.281862.29|assuring freedom to the free]].''' ==== Let Us Continue (November 1963) ==== :<small>President Johnson's address to a joint session of Congress days after the Kennedy assassination (November 27, 1963). Source: [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/address-before-joint-session-the-congress-0 Address Before a Joint Session of the Congress, The American Presidency Project.]</small> [[File:John F Kennedy Official Portrait.jpg|thumb|The greatest [[John F. Kennedy|leader]] of our time has been struck down by the foulest deed of our time. Today John Fitzgerald Kennedy lives on in the immortal words and works that he left behind. He lives on in the mind and memories of mankind. He lives on in the hearts of his countrymen.]] * All I have I would have given gladly not to be standing here today. '''The greatest [[John F. Kennedy|leader]] of our time has been struck down by the foulest deed of our time. Today [[John F. Kennedy|John Fitzgerald Kennedy]] lives on in the immortal words and works that he left behind. He lives on in the mind and memories of mankind. He lives on in the hearts of his countrymen.''' No words are sad enough to express our sense of loss. No words are strong enough to express our determination to continue the forward thrust of America that he began. * '''The dream of conquering the vastness of space--the dream of partnership across the Atlantic--and across the Pacific as well-the dream of a [[w:United_States_Peace_Corps|Peace Corps]] in [[Developing country|less developed nations]]--the dream of [[education]] for all of our children--the dream of jobs for all who seek them and need them--the dream of care for our elderly--the dream of an all-out attack on [[Mental health|mental illness]]--and above all, the dream of equal rights for all Americans, whatever their race or color--these and other American dreams have been vitalized by his drive and by his dedication. And now the ideas and the ideals which he so nobly represented must and will be translated into effective action.''' * '''Under John Kennedy's leadership, this Nation has demonstrated that it has the courage to seek peace, and it has the fortitude to risk war. We have proved that we are a good and reliable friend to those who seek peace and freedom. We have shown that we can also be a formidable foe to those who reject the path of peace and those who seek to impose upon us or our allies the yoke of tyranny.''' * This Nation will keep its commitments from [[South Vietnam|South Viet-Nam]] to [[Berlin|West Berlin]]. We will be unceasing in the search for peace; resourceful in our pursuit of areas of agreement even with those with whom we differ; and generous and loyal to those who join with us in common cause. In this age when there can be no losers in peace and no victors in war, we must recognize the obligation to match national strength with national restraint. We must be prepared at one and the same time for both the confrontation of power and the limitation of power. We must be ready to defend the national interest and to negotiate the common interest. This is the path that we shall continue to pursue. Those who test our courage will find it strong, and those who seek our friendship will find it honorable. We will demonstrate anew that the strong can be just in the use of strength; and the just can be strong in the defense of justice. * '''We will serve all the Nation, not one section or one sector, or one group, but all Americans. These are the United States-a united people with a united purpose.''' Our American unity does not depend upon unanimity. We have differences; but now, as in the past, we can derive from those differences strength, not weakness, wisdom, not despair. Both as a people and a government, we can unite upon a program, a program which is wise and just, enlightened and constructive. [[File:Speech at the Pentagon by President Johnson.jpg|thumb|An assassin's bullet has thrust upon me the awesome burden of the Presidency. I am here today to say I need your help; I cannot bear this burden alone. I need the help of all Americans, and all America.]] * For 32 years Capitol Hill has been my home. I have shared many moments of pride with you, pride in the ability of the [[United States Congress|Congress of the United States]] to act, to meet any crisis, to distill from our differences strong programs of national action. '''An assassin's bullet has thrust upon me the awesome burden of the [[President of the United States|Presidency]]. I am here today to say I need your help; I cannot bear this burden alone. I need the help of all Americans, and all America.''' This Nation has experienced a profound shock, and in this critical moment, it is our duty, yours and mine, as the [[Federal government of the United States|Government of the United States]], to do away with uncertainty and doubt and delay, and to show that we are capable of decisive action; that from the brutal loss of our leader we will derive not weakness, but strength; that we can and will act and act now. * From this chamber of [[Representation|representative government]], let all the world know and none misunderstand that I rededicate this Government to the unswerving support of the [[United Nations]], to the honorable and determined execution of our commitments to our allies, to the maintenance of military strength second to none, to the defense of the strength and the stability of the [[dollar]], to the expansion of our foreign trade, to the reinforcement of our programs of mutual assistance and cooperation in [[Asia]] and [[Africa]], and to our [[w:Alliance_for_Progress|Alliance for Progress]] in this hemisphere. * '''On the 20th day of January, in 1961, John F. Kennedy told his countrymen that our national work would not be finished "in the first thousand days, nor in the life of this administration, nor even perhaps in our lifetime on this planet. But," he said, "let us begin." Today, in this moment of new resolve, I would say to all my fellow Americans, let us continue.''' * '''This is our challenge--not to hesitate, not to pause, not to turn about and linger over this evil moment, but to continue on our course so that we may fulfill the destiny that history has set for us. Our most immediate tasks are here on this Hill. First, no memorial oration or eulogy could more eloquently honor President Kennedy's memory than the earliest possible passage of [[w:Civil Rights Act of 1964|the civil rights bill]] for which he fought so long. We have talked long enough in this country about equal rights. We have talked for one hundred years or more. It is time now to write the next chapter, and to write it in the books of law. I urge you again, as I did in 1957 and again in 1960, to enact a civil rights law so that we can move forward to eliminate from this Nation every trace of [[discrimination]] and [[oppression]] that is based upon race or color. There could be no greater source of strength to this Nation both at home and abroad.''' * As one who has long served in both Houses of the Congress, I firmly believe in the independence and the integrity of the legislative branch. And I promise you that I shall always respect this. It is deep in the marrow of my bones. '''With equal firmness, I believe in the capacity and I believe in the ability of the Congress, despite the divisions of opinions which characterize our Nation, to act--to act wisely, to act vigorously, to act speedily when the need arises. The need is here. The need is now. I ask your help.''' * We meet in grief, but let us also meet in renewed dedication and renewed vigor. Let us meet in action, in tolerance, and in mutual understanding. John Kennedy's death commands what his life conveyed-that America must move forward. '''The time has come for Americans of all races and creeds and political beliefs to understand and to respect one another. So let us put an end to the teaching and the preaching of hate and evil and violence. Let us turn away from the fanatics of the far left and the far right, from the apostles of bitterness and bigotry, from those defiant of law, and those who pour venom into our Nation's bloodstream.''' ==== State of the Union Address (January 1964) ==== :<small>President Johnson's address to a joint session of Congress where he first uttered the phrase "War on poverty". (January 8, 1964). Source: [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/annual-message-the-congress-the-state-the-union-25 Annual Message to the Congress on the State of the Union, The American Presidency Project.]</small> * I will be brief, for our time is necessarily short and our agenda is already long. '''Last year's congressional session was the longest in peacetime history. With that foundation, let us work together to make this year's session the best in the Nation's history. Let this session of Congress be known as the session which did more for civil rights than the last hundred sessions combined; as the session which enacted the most far-reaching tax cut of our time; as the session which declared [[w:War_on_Poverty|all-out war on human poverty and unemployment in these United States]]; as the session which finally recognized the health needs of all our older citizens; as the session which reformed our tangled transportation and transit policies; as the session which achieved the most effective, efficient [[foreign aid]] program ever; and as the session which helped to build more homes, more schools, more libraries, and more hospitals than any single session of Congress in the history of our Republic.''' All this and more can and must be done. It can be done by this summer, and it can be done without any increase in spending. In fact, under the budget that I shall shortly submit, it can be done with an actual reduction in Federal expenditures and Federal employment. * We have in 1964 a unique opportunity and obligation--to prove the success of our system; to disprove those cynics and critics at home and abroad who question our purpose and our competence. If we fail, if we fritter and fumble away our opportunity in needless, senseless quarrels between Democrats and Republicans, or between the House and the Senate, or between the South and North, or between the Congress and the administration, then history will rightfully judge us harshly. But if we succeed, if we can achieve these goals by forging in this country a greater sense of union, then, and only then, can we take full satisfaction in the State of the Union. * Here in the Congress you can demonstrate effective legislative leadership by discharging the public business with clarity and dispatch, voting each important proposal up, or voting it down, but at least bringing it to a fair and a final vote. Let us carry forward the plans and programs of [[John F. Kennedy|John Fitzgerald Kennedy]]--not because of our sorrow or sympathy, but because they are right. In his memory today, I especially ask all members of my own political faith, in this election year, to put your country ahead of your party, and to always debate principles; never debate personalities. * For my part, I pledge a progressive administration which is efficient, and honest and frugal. The budget to be submitted to the Congress shortly is in full accord with this pledge. It will cut our deficit in half--from $10 billion to $4,900 million. It will be, in proportion to our national output, the smallest budget since 1951. It will call for a substantial reduction in Federal employment, a feat accomplished only once before in the last 10 years. While maintaining the full strength of our combat defenses, it will call for the lowest number of civilian personnel in the Department of Defense since 1950. It will call for total expenditures of $97,900 million--compared to $98,400 million for the current year, a reduction of more than $500 million. It will call for new obligational authority of $103,800 million--a reduction of more than $4 billion below last year's request of $107,900 million. But it is not a standstill budget, for America cannot afford to stand still. Our population is growing. Our economy is more complex. Our people's needs are expanding. But by closing down obsolete installations, by curtailing less urgent programs, by cutting back where cutting back seems to be wise, by insisting on a dollar's worth for a dollar spent, I am able to recommend in this reduced budget the most Federal support in history for education, for health, for retraining the unemployed, and for helping the economically and the physically handicapped. '''This budget, and this year's legislative program, are designed to help each and every American citizen fulfill his basic hopes--his hopes for a fair chance to make good; his hopes for fair play from the law; his hopes for a full-time job on full-time pay; his hopes for a decent home for his family in a decent community; his hopes for a good school for his children with good teachers; and his hopes for security when faced with sickness or unemployment or old age.''' * Unfortunately, many Americans live on the outskirts of hope--some because of their [[Poverty in the United States|poverty]], and some because of their color, and all too many because of both. Our task is to help replace their despair with opportunity. '''This administration today, here and now, declares unconditional war on poverty in America. I urge this Congress and all Americans to join with me in that effort. It will not be a short or easy struggle, no single weapon or strategy will suffice, but we shall not rest until that war is won. The richest Nation on earth can afford to win it. We cannot afford to lose it.''' One thousand dollars invested in salvaging an unemployable youth today can return $40,000 or more in his lifetime. Poverty is a national problem, requiring improved national organization and support. But this attack, to be effective, must also be organized at the State and the local level and must be supported and directed by State and local efforts. For the war against poverty will not be won here in Washington. It must be won in the field, in every private home, in every public office, from the courthouse to the White House. The program I shall propose will emphasize this cooperative approach to help that one-fifth of all American families with incomes too small to even meet their basic needs. * Our chief weapons in a more pinpointed attack will be better schools, and better health, and better homes, and better training, and better job opportunities to help more Americans, especially young Americans, escape from squalor and [[misery]] and [[unemployment]] rolls where other citizens help to carry them. Very often a lack of jobs and money is not the cause of poverty, but the symptom. The cause may lie deeper in our failure to give our fellow citizens a fair chance to develop their own capacities, in a lack of education and training, in a lack of [[Health care|medical care]] and [[House|housing]], in a lack of decent communities in which to live and bring up their children. But whatever the cause, our joint Federal-local effort must pursue poverty, pursue it wherever it exists--in city slums and small towns, in sharecropper shacks or in migrant worker camps, on Indian Reservations, among whites as well as Negroes, among the young as well as the aged, in the boom towns and in the depressed areas. * Our aim is not only to relieve the symptom of poverty, but to cure it and, above all, to prevent it. No single piece of legislation, however, is going to suffice. '''We will launch a special effort in the chronically distressed areas of Appalachia. We must expand our small but our successful area redevelopment program. We must enact youth employment legislation to put jobless, aimless, hopeless youngsters to work on useful projects. We must distribute more food to the needy through a broader food stamp program. We must create a National Service Corps to help the economically handicapped of our own country as the Peace Corps now helps those abroad. We must modernize our [[w:Unemployment_insurance|unemployment insurance]] and establish a high-level commission on automation. If we have the brain power to invent these machines, we have the brain power to make certain that they are a boon and not a bane to humanity. We must extend the coverage of our minimum wage laws to more than 2 million workers now lacking this basic protection of purchasing power. We must, by including special school aid funds as part of our education program, improve the quality of teaching, training, and counseling in our hardest hit areas. We must build more libraries in every area and more hospitals and nursing homes under the [[w:Hill-Burton_Act|Hill-Burton Act]], and train more nurses to staff them. We must provide hospital insurance for our older citizens financed by every worker and his employer under [[Social Security (United States)|Social Security]], contributing no more than $1 a month during the employee's working career to protect him in his old age in a dignified manner without cost to the Treasury, against the devastating hardship of prolonged or repeated illness. We must, as a part of a revised housing and urban renewal program, give more help to those displaced by slum clearance, provide more housing for our poor and our elderly, and seek as our ultimate goal in our free enterprise system a decent home for every American family. We must help obtain more modern mass transit within our communities as well as low-cost transportation between them. Above all, we must release $11 billion of tax reduction into the private spending stream to create new jobs and new markets in every area of this land.''' * These programs are obviously not for the poor or the underprivileged alone. Every American will benefit by the extension of social security to cover the hospital costs of their aged parents. Every American community will benefit from the construction or modernization of schools, libraries, hospitals, and nursing homes, from the training of more nurses and from the improvement of urban renewal in [[w:Public_transit|public transit]]. And every individual [[Taxation in the United States|American taxpayer]] and every corporate taxpayer will benefit from the earliest possible passage of the pending tax bill from both the new investment it will bring and the new jobs that it will create. * That tax bill has been thoroughly discussed for a year. Now we need action. The new budget clearly allows it. Our taxpayers surely deserve it. Our economy strongly demands it. And every month of delay dilutes its benefits in 1964 for [[Consumption (economics)|consumption]], for investment, and for employment. For until the bill is signed, its investment incentives cannot be deemed certain, and the withholding rate cannot be reduced-and the most damaging and devastating thing you can do to any businessman in America is to keep him in doubt and to keep him guessing on what our tax policy is. And I say that we should now reduce to 14 percent instead of 15 percent our withholding rate. I therefore urge the Congress to take final action on this bill by the first of February, if at all possible. For however proud we may be of the unprecedented progress of our free enterprise economy over the last 3 years, we should not and we cannot permit it to pause. In 1963, for the first time in history, we crossed the 70 million job mark, but we will soon need more than 75 million jobs. In 1963 our gross national product reached the $600 billion level--$100 billion higher than when we took office. But it easily could and it should be still $30 billion higher today than it is. [[Wage|Wages]] and [[Profit|profits]] and family income are also at their highest levels in history--but I would remind you that 4 million workers and 13 percent of our industrial capacity are still idle today. We need a tax cut now to keep this country moving. * For our goal is not merely to spread the work. Our goal is to create more jobs. I believe the enactment of a 35-hour week would sharply increase costs, would invite [[inflation]], would impair our ability to compete, and merely share instead of creating employment. But I am equally opposed to the 45- or 50-hour week in those industries where consistently excessive use of overtime causes increased unemployment. So, therefore, I recommend legislation authorizing the creation of a tripartite industry committee to determine on an industry-by-industry basis as to where a higher penalty rate for overtime would increase job openings without unduly increasing costs, and authorizing the establishment of such higher rates. * '''Let me make one principle of this administration abundantly clear: All of these increased opportunities--in employment, in education, in housing, and in every field-must be open to Americans of every color. As far as the writ of Federal law will run, we must abolish not some, but all racial discrimination. For this is not merely an economic issue, or a social, political, or international issue. It is a moral issue, and it must be met by the passage this session of the bill now pending in the House.''' All members of the public should have equal access to facilities open to the public. All members of the public should be equally eligible for Federal benefits that are financed by the public. All members of the public should have an equal chance to vote for public officials and to send their children to good public schools and to contribute their talents to the public good. Today, Americans of all races stand side by side in Berlin and in Viet Nam. They died side by side in [[Korean War|Korea]]. Surely they can work and eat and travel side by side in their own country. * We must also lift by legislation the bars of discrimination against those who seek entry into our country, particularly those who have much needed skills and those joining their families. In establishing preferences, a nation that was built by the immigrants of all lands can ask those who now seek admission: "What can you do for our country?" But we should not be asking: "In what country were you born?" * For our ultimate goal is a world without war, a world made safe for diversity, in which all men, goods, and ideas can freely move across every border and every boundary. We must advance toward this goal in 1964 in at least 10 different ways, not as partisans, but as patriots. First, we must maintain--and our reduced defense budget will maintain--that margin of military safety and superiority obtained through 3 years of steadily increasing both the quality and the quantity of our strategic, our conventional, and our antiguerilla forces. In 1964 we will be better prepared than ever before to defend the cause of freedom, whether it is threatened by outright aggression or by the infiltration practiced by those in Hanoi and Havana, who ship arms and men across international borders to foment insurrection. And we must continue to use that strength as John Kennedy used it in the Cuban crisis and for the test ban treaty--to demonstrate both the futility of nuclear war and the possibilities of lasting peace. * Second, we must take new steps--and we shall make new proposals at Geneva--toward the control and the eventual abolition of arms. Even in the absence of agreement, we must not stockpile arms beyond our needs or seek an excess of military power that could be provocative as well as wasteful. It is in this spirit that in this fiscal year we are cutting back our production of enriched uranium by 25 percent. We are shutting down four plutonium piles. We are closing many nonessential military installations. And it is in this spirit that we today call on our adversaries to do the same. * Third, we must make increased use of our food as an instrument of peace--making it available by sale or trade or loan or donation-to hungry people in all nations which tell us of their needs and accept proper conditions of distribution. Fourth, we must assure our pre-eminence in the peaceful exploration of outer space, focusing on an expedition to the moon in this decade--in cooperation with other powers if possible, alone if necessary. Fifth, we must expand world trade. Having recognized in the Act of 1962 that we must buy as well as sell, we now expect our trading partners to recognize that we must sell as well as buy. We are willing to give them competitive access to our market, asking only that they do the same for us. * Sixth, we must continue, through such measures as the interest equalization tax, as well as the cooperation of other nations, our recent progress toward balancing our international accounts. This administration must and will preserve the present gold value of the dollar. Seventh, we must become better neighbors with the free states of the Americas, working with the councils of the OAS, with a stronger Alliance for Progress, and with all the men and women of this hemisphere who really believe in liberty and justice for all. Eighth, we must strengthen the ability of free nations everywhere to develop their independence and raise their standard of living, and thereby frustrate those who prey on poverty and chaos. To do this, the rich must help the poor--and we must do our part. We must achieve a more rigorous administration of our development assistance, with larger roles for private investors, for other industrialized nations, and for international agencies and for the recipient nations themselves. Ninth, we must strengthen our Atlantic and Pacific partnerships, maintain our alliances and make the United Nations a more effective instrument for national independence and international order. Tenth, and finally, we must develop with our allies new means of bridging the gap between the East and the West, facing danger boldly wherever danger exists, but being equally bold in our search for new agreements which can enlarge the hopes of all, while violating the interests of none. * '''In short, I would say to the Congress that we must be constantly prepared for the worst, and constantly acting for the best. We must be strong enough to win any war, and we must be wise enough to prevent one. We shall neither act as aggressors nor tolerate acts of aggression. We intend to bury no one, and we do not intend to be buried. We can fight, if we must, as we have fought before, but we pray that we will never have to fight again.''' My good friends and my fellow Americans: In these last 7 sorrowful weeks, we have learned anew that nothing is so enduring as faith, and nothing is so degrading as hate. John Kennedy was a victim of hate, but he was also a great builder of faith--faith in our fellow Americans, whatever their creed or their color or their station in life; faith in the future of man, whatever his divisions and differences. This faith was echoed in all parts of the world. On every continent and in every land to which Mrs. Johnson and I traveled, we found faith and hope and love toward this land of America and toward our people. So I ask you now in the Congress and in the country to join with me in expressing and fulfilling that faith in working for a nation, a nation that is free from want and a world that is free from hate--a world of peace and justice, and freedom and abundance, for our time and for all time to come. ==== St. Louis University address (February 1964) ==== :<small>President Johnson's address at St. Louis University (February 14, 1964). Source: [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/remarks-st-louis-university Remarks at St. Louis University, The American Presidency Project.]</small> * It is a welcome privilege to be in your city and on your campus here at St. Louis University. for many years your city has been widely known for baseball, basketball, the Busch family, and I am a fan of all three. But those who know St. Louis well and know it affectionately as I have for many years, since I wore my first set of Buster Brown shoes, know that the strength of this city comes from its colleges and its churches, and the courageous civic leadership of its citizens. I have little patience with those who dismiss this great region of mid-America as an intellectual desert. Those who say that don't know mid-America, don't know the [[w:Midwestern_United_States|Midwest]] and don't know [[St. Louis]], and won't last very long in the company of Senator Symington and Senator Long! * This city and this campus and the other centers of higher learning are now and will continue to be in the forefront of our Nation's leadership in this new age of science and technology. President Kennedy told us, and I most strongly agree, that our progress as a Nation can be no swifter than our progress in education. '''The human mind is our fundamental resource. This is the most fundamental truth of our system and our society and of every success that we have achieved or hope to achieve.''' * This is not always clearly seen. It is true today as when [[Thomas Jefferson]] first said it, that people generally have more feeling for canals and the roads than they do for education. But I hold the hope that Jefferson held, that we can advance them with equal pace. In our cities and in our counties, and in all of our country, there is a very great and urgent need for public works. But today more than any time in our history, America's most urgent work is educating its people, educating all the people, all the time, wherever they may have been born or wherever they may have chosen to live. * In the two hundred years since St. Louis was born we have done many things in this land men have not done before. But the greatest of these has been the accomplishment of learning to live together, learning to live together in freedom and fulfillment, all religions, all races, all heritages, German and Irish, Italian and English, french-yes, even Texans. We have done much, but our work on this earth is not yet done; we walk a long road and we carry a precious trust. We are not looking for, we shall never look for, the short cuts. We shall never resort to battleship diplomacy or rely upon the umbrella of appeasement. We will be resolute but we will never be reckless. We will be restrained in the face of provocation because we know America's strength. We will never be reluctant in the face of peril because we trust that strength of America. * '''America works for peace. We work for freedom. We work for a world in which men can have peace and can also have freedom and can worship their God, not a godless state. So in this work I am sure that all Americans and all free men everywhere whatever their faith, welcome and are grateful for the leadership being offered so forcefully by His Holiness Pope Paul.''' * And I now have a little announcement that I would like to make. The President has today asked [[w:Stan_Musial|Stan Musial]] to serve his country as Special Consultant to the President to head the President's physical fitness program in the United States of America. And Stan has already accepted. There are few men in America who serve as hero to a nation and serve that duty with such great dignity. '''Stanley Frank Musial is one of the great [[baseball]] players of this century. The record book is thickly crowded with his achievements. But the record books are only part of the Musial story, for Stan is more than a great player. He is the young man's hero who never lets him down. To every little boy who dreams of the big leagues, to every rookie eyeing that pitcher for the first time, to every young athlete who strives for triumph, "Start the Man" is the authentic champion. He has brought to his profession the simple disciplines of honesty and honor, of pride and of character.''' ==== Special Message to the Congress on Nationwide War on the Sources of Poverty (March 1964) ==== :<small>President Johnson's message to Congress on poverty (March 16, 1964). Source: [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/special-message-the-congress-proposing-nationwide-war-the-sources-poverty Special Message to the Congress Proposing a Nationwide War on the Sources of Poverty, The American Presidency Project.]</small> * '''We are citizens of the richest and most fortunate nation in the history of the world. One hundred and eighty years ago we were a small country struggling for survival on the margin of a hostile land. Today we have established a civilization of free men which spans an entire continent. With the growth of our country has come opportunity for our people--opportunity to educate our children, to use our energies in productive work, to increase our leisure-opportunity for almost every American to hope that through work and talent he could create a better life for himself and his family. The path forward has not been an easy one. But we have never lost sight of our goal: an America in which every citizen shares all the opportunities of his society, in which every man has a chance to advance his welfare to the limit of his capacities. We have come a long way toward this goal. We still have a long way to go. The distance which remains is the measure of the great unfinished work of our society. To finish that work I have called for a national war on poverty. Our objective: total victory.''' * There are millions of Americans--one fifth of our people--who have not shared in the abundance which has been granted to most of us, and on whom the gates of opportunity have been closed. What does this poverty mean to those who endure it ? It means a daily struggle to secure the necessities for even a meager existence. It means that the abundance, the comforts, the opportunities they see all around them are beyond their grasp. Worst of all, it means hopelessness for the young. The young man or woman who grows up without a decent education, in a broken home, in a hostile and squalid environment, in ill health or in the face of racial injustice-that young man or woman is often trapped in a life of poverty. He does not have the skills demanded by a complex society. He does not know how to acquire those skills. He faces a mounting sense of despair which drains initiative and ambition and energy. Our tax cut will create millions of new jobs--new exits from poverty. But we must also strike down all the barriers which keep many from using those exits. '''The war on poverty is not a struggle simply to support people, to make them dependent on the generosity of others. It is a struggle to give people a chance. It is an effort to allow them to develop and use their capacities, as we have been allowed to develop and use ours, so that they can share, as others share, in the promise of this nation. We do this, first of all, because it is right that we should.''' * From the establishment of [[w:Public_education|public education]] and [[w:Land_grant_colleges|land grant colleges]] through agricultural extension and encouragement to industry, we have pursued the goal of a nation with full and increasing opportunities for all its citizens. The war on poverty is a further step in that pursuit. We do it also because helping some will increase the prosperity of all. Our fight against poverty will be an investment in the most valuable of our resources--the skills and strength of our people. And in the future, as in the past, this investment will return its cost many fold to [[Economy of the United States|our entire economy]]. If we can raise the annual earnings of 10 million among the poor by only $1,000 we will have added 14 billion dollars a year to our national output. In addition we can make important reductions in public assistance payments which now cost us 4 billion dollars a year, and in the large costs of fighting crime and delinquency, disease and hunger. This is only part of the story. * Our history has proved that each time we broaden the base of abundance, giving more people the chance to produce and consume, we create new industry, higher production, increased earnings and better income for all. Giving new opportunity to those who have little will enrich the lives of all the rest. Because it is right, because it is wise, and because, for the first time in our history, it is possible to couquer poverty, '''I submit, for the consideration of the Congress and the country, the Economic Opportunity Act of 1964. The Act does not merely expand old programs or improve what is already being done. It charts a new course. It strikes at the causes, not just the consequences of poverty. It can be a milestone in our one-hundred eighty year search for a better life for our people.''' This Act provides five basic opportunities. It will give almost half a million underprivileged young Americans the opportunity to develop skills, continue education, and find useful work. It will give every American community the opportunity to develop a comprehensive plan to fight its own poverty--and help them to carry out their plans. It will give dedicated Americans the opportunity to enlist as volunteers in the war against poverty. It will give many workers and farmers the opportunity to break through particular barriers which bar their escape from poverty. It will give the entire nation the opportunity for a concerted attack on poverty through the establishment, under my direction, of the Office of Economic Opportunity, a national headquarters for the war against poverty. * This is how we propose to create these opportunities. First we will give high priority to helping young Americans who lack skills, who have not completed their education or who cannot complete it because they are too poor. '''The years of high school and college age are the most critical stage of a young person's life. If they are not helped then, many will be condemned to a life of poverty which they, in turn, will pass on to their children.''' I therefore recommend the creation of a Job Corps, a Work-Training Program, and a Work Study Program. A new national Job Corps will build toward an enlistment of 100,000 young men. They will be drawn from those whose background, health and education make them least fit for useful work. Those who volunteer will enter more than 100 Camps and Centers around the country. Half of these young men will work, in the first year, on special conservation projects to give them education, useful work experience and to enrich the natural resources of the country. Half of these young men will receive, in the first year, a blend of training, basic education and work experience in Job Training Centers. These are not simply camps for the underprivileged. They are new educational institutions, comparable in innovation to the land grant colleges. Those who enter them will emerge better qualified to play a productive role in American society. * A new national Work-Training Program operated by the [[w:United_States_Department_of_Labor|Department of Labor]] will provide work and training for 200,000 American men and women between the ages of 16 and 21. This will be developed through state and local governments and non-profit agencies. Hundreds of thousands of young Americans badly need the experience, the income, and the sense of purpose which useful full or part-time work can bring. For them such work may mean the difference between finishing school or dropping out. Vital community activities from hospitals and playgrounds to libraries and settlement houses are suffering because there are not enough people to staff them. We are simply bringing these needs together. A new national Work-Study Program operated by the [[w:United_States_Department_of_Health,_Education,_and_Welfare|Department of Health, Education, and Welfare]] will provide federal funds for part-time jobs for 140,000 young Americans who do not go to college because they cannot afford it. There is no more senseless waste than the waste of the brainpower and skill of those who are kept from college by economic circumstance. Under this program they will, in a great American tradition, be able to work their way through school. They and the country will be richer for it. * Second, through a new Community Action program we intend to strike at poverty at its source--in the streets of our cities and on the farms of our countryside among the very young and the impoverished old. This program asks men and women throughout the country to prepare long-range plans for the attack on poverty in their own local communities. These are not plans prepared in Washington and imposed upon hundreds of different situations. They are based on the fact that local citizens best understand their own problems, and know best how to deal with those problems. These plans will be local plans striking at the many untilled needs which underlie poverty in each community, not just one or two. Their components and emphasis will differ as needs differ. These plans will be local plans calling upon all the resources available to the community-federal and state, local and private, human and material. And when these plans are approved by the Office of Economic Opportunity, the federal government will finance up to 9070 of the additional cost for the first two years. The most enduring strength of our nation is the huge reservoir of talent, initiative and leadership which exists at every level of our society. Through the Community Action Program we call upon this, our greatest strength, to overcome our greatest weakness. * Third, I ask for the authority to recruit and train skilled volunteers for the war against poverty. Thousands of Americans have volunteered to serve the needs of other lands. Thousands more want the chance to serve the needs of their own land. They should have that chance. Among older people who have retired, as well as among the young, among women as well as men, there are many Americans who are ready to enlist in our war against poverty. They have skills and dedication. They are badly needed. If the State requests them, if the community needs and will use them, we will recruit and train them and give them the chance to serve. * Fourth, we intend to create new opportunities for certain hard-hit groups to break out of the pattern of poverty. Through a new program of loans and guarantees we can provide incentives to those who will employ the unemployed. Through programs of work and retraining for unemployed fathers and mothers we can help them support their families in dignity while preparing themselves for new work. Through funds to purchase needed land, organize cooperatives, and create new and adequate family farms we can help those whose life on the land has been a struggle without hope. * Fifth, I do not intend that the war against poverty become a series of uncoordinated and unrelated efforts--that it perish for lack of leadership and direction. Therefore this bill creates, in the Executive Office of the President, a new Office of Economic Opportunity. Its Director will be my personal Chief of Staff for the War against poverty. I intend to appoint [[w:Sargent_Shriver|Sargent Shriver]] to this post. He will be directly responsible for these new programs. He will work with and through existing agencies of the government. This program--the Economic Opportunity Act--is the foundation of our war against poverty. But it does not stand alone. For the past three years this government has advanced a number of new proposals which strike at important areas of need and distress. I ask the Congress to extend those which are already in action, and to establish those which have already been proposed. * '''There are programs to help badly distressed areas such as the Area Redevelopment Act, and the legislation now being prepared to help Appalachia. There are programs to help those without training find a place in today's complex society--such as the Manpower Development Training Act and the Vocational Education Act for youth. There are programs to protect those who are specially vulnerable to the ravages of poverty--hospital insurance for the elderly, protection for migrant farm workers, a food stamp program for the needy, coverage for millions not now protected by a minimum wage, new and expanded unemployment benefits for men out of work, a Housing and Community Development bill for those seeking decent homes. Finally there are programs which help the entire country, such as aid to education which, by raising the quality of schooling available to every American child, will give a new chance for knowledge to the children of the poor.''' * I ask immediate action on all these programs. What you are being asked to consider is not a simple or an easy program. But poverty is not a simple or an easy enemy. It cannot be driven from the land by a single attack on a single front. Were this so we would have conquered poverty long ago. Nor can it be conquered by government alone. For decades American labor and American business, private institutions and private individuals have been engaged in strengthening our economy and offering new opportunity to those in need. We need their help, their support, and their full participation. Through this program we offer new incentives and new opportunities for cooperation, so that all the energy of our nation, not merely the efforts of government, can be brought to bear on our common enemy. Today, for the first time in our history, we have the power to strike away the barriers to full participation in our society. Having the power, we have the duty. The Congress is charged by the Constitution to "provide . . . for the general welfare of the United States." Our present abundance is a measure of its success in fulfilling that duty. Now Congress is being asked to extend that welfare to all our people. The President of the United States is President of all the people in every section of the country. But this office also holds a special responsibility to the distressed and disinherited, the hungry and the hopeless of this abundant nation. It is in pursuit of that special responsibility that I submit this Message to you today. * The new program I propose is within our means. Its cost of 970 million dollars is 1 percent of our national budget--and every dollar I am requesting for this program is already included in the budget I sent to Congress in January. But we cannot measure its importance by its cost. For it charts an entirely new course of hope for our people. We are fully aware that this program will not eliminate all the poverty in America in a few months or a few years. Poverty is deeply rooted and its causes are many. But this program will show the way to new opportunities for millions of our fellow citizens. It will provide a lever with which we can begin to open the door to our prosperity for those who have been kept outside. It will also give us the chance to test our weapons, to try our energy and ideas and imagination for the many battles yet to come. As conditions change, and as experience illuminates our difficulties, we will be prepared to modify our strategy. And this program is much more than a beginning. Rather it is a commitment. It is a total commitment by this President, and this Congress, and this nation, to pursue victory over the most ancient of mankind's enemies. * '''On many historic occasions the President has requested from Congress the authority to move against forces which were endangering the well-being of our country. This is such an occasion. On similar occasions in the past we have often been called upon to wage war against foreign enemies which threatened our freedom. Today we are asked to declare war on a domestic enemy which threatens the strength of our nation and the welfare of our people. If we now move forward against this enemy--if we can bring to the challenges of peace the same determination and strength which has brought us victory in war--then this day and this Congress will have won a secure and honorable place in the history of the nation, and the enduring gratitude of generations of Americans yet to come.''' ==== International Labor Press Association remarks (April 1964) ==== :<small>President Johnson's remarks to the International Labor Press Association's members (April 27, 1964). Source: [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/remarks-the-members-the-international-labor-press-association Remarks to the Members of the International Labor Press Association, The American Presidency Project.]</small> * We have the highest employment in our history as we meet here today. The vast majority of Americans are doing very well. In the midst of such prosperity it is too easy for people to lose sight of the problems which have not been solved, the difficulties which have not been mastered, and I assume that is one of the reasons for your coming here, and one of the reasons for your wanting to meet with the leaders of Government. Well, what about these serious problems? They do exist--problems of unemployment, of underutilization of plant equipment, of great discrimination against minorities, of discrimination against the aged and the handicapped, against the women, of inadequate medical care, of the inability of our educational system to equip all of our citizens to contribute to their fullest capacity. * '''But these are the problems which America faces. They are problems which can only be solved by an informed citizenship. This requirement calls all of us to give them attention. This recurrent sounding of the call to battle is one of the most valuable contributions that can be made by the labor press in the United States.''' * '''You are a part of the conscience of our society. You are always goading. You are never satisfied with the job that is partially done. You are always working and calling for the further advancement of working people, and you speak from a point of view. You speak on behalf of values.''' I think you generally speak out of a deep commitment to justice at the working place, to self-government in economic life, to an improvement in our society through a continuing improvement in the lot and opportunity of individual working persons and their families. '''So your strength and your great influence flows from the belief of American labor that a just society can best be built within the framework of democratic institutions and through the free processes of a free country.''' * From this long tradition has grown the modern [[labor movement]] and its voice and the labor movement's voice--your voice, the labor press. I think all Americans are grateful for that voice. It has spoken so often and so eloquently on behalf of programs to make a greater and a better society, to improve the welfare of all Americans. It has spoken for free labor, free from the influence of those who would corrupt this great mainstream of American life, free from those who would turn the hopes of [[Working class in the United States|workingmen]] into an instrument of attack. * You have helped to fight many battles on many fronts. I remember one that you fought and just to show you how much progress has been made, when I came here I was one of the few Congressmen the first year I was in [[Washington, D.C.|Washington]] from my section of the country--only three of us from the South signed a petition to call a caucus to discharge a committee on the wage and hour bill. The other two, [[w:Maury_Maverick|Maury Maverick]] and [[w:W._D._MacFarlane|W. D. MacFarlane]], both got defeated at the next election on account of their signing that petition. They were revolutionists and they were rebels and they kicked over the dinner pail and they caused a lot of trouble. And we actually, though finally with President [[Franklin D. Roosevelt|Franklin Roosevelt]]'s great support and by a fireside chat, we passed that bill that gave working people a minimum wage of 25 cents an hour. That was in 1938. * Franklin Roosevelt talked about the one-third that were ill clad and ill fed and ill housed. After working 30 years with your help and your crusades and your radical editorials and all of those things, we have it down to one-fifth, but we still have got 20 percent, 1 out of every 5, that are in the poverty group. Twenty years ago, 5 percent over a 10-year period, coming out from 1942 to 1952, and from 1952 to 1962 it was 3 percent, and now it is 1 percent that is coming out--1 percent a year. From 1937 to 1947 it was 5 percent, 1947 to 1953 it was 3 percent, 1953 to 1963 it is 1 percent. Now it is getting a lot more difficult in this [[IBM]] age for those people that have no training, that live on the other side of the tracks--it is getting a lot more difficult for them to get out and cross the tracks and get out of that poverty classification. You have to help them by this poverty program that will provide them with training. Forty-nine percent--1 out of every 2 boys we draft has to be sent home because he is physically or mentally unqualified. That is the kind of folks you are raising. If I had to do that with my calves, I would go broke every year. If I out of every 2 of my calves was born and I had to have rejects, I couldn't make it. '''So we begin this poverty war from a position of unmatched prosperity, with national abundance. We have just concluded the most productive and prosperous quarter on record. I had the figures here a minute ago. I wanted to give them to you.''' * '''When I came to Washington in 1932, corporation profits were nonexistent. They had a loss that year of $3,400 million. In 1942, 10 years later, we got it up to $9½ billion. In 1952, 10 years later, we got it up to $17.2 billion. In 1962 we got it up to $24.6 billion. In 1963 we got it up to $27.1 billion, and the Chairman of the Council of Economic Advisers tells me we are not only not going to lose $3,400 million this year, as we did 32 years ago when I came here, but our profits this year are going to be $31 billion after taxes--these high taxes.''' Labor has gotten about $52 billion more in wages than they got in 1961 Their wages have increased $51 billion or $52 billion in 3 years. [[Corporations|Corporation]] profits have increased from a $3.4 billion loss in 1932 to $31 billion after taxes. Now, those groups--the [[Capitalism|capitalists]] who make the investments, the managers who manage it, and the workers who produce it-have got to be concerned about these taxeaters. There is an increasing proof that we can at long last break this unemployment stalemate that has marked our economic life month in and month out for several years. * But the growing prosperity of this country, while real to millions of you people--and I assume that none of you are in the poverty group who would be here today--in the mainstream of our economic life is only a mirage, just something that you can wish and hope for to millions of others like those good people I visited in [[w:Eastern_Kentucky|eastern Kentucky]] last Friday, or the woman that's trying to raise a family on her own, or the family that is headed by a man over 65 with low income and little hope of getting more, or the unskilled worker who hasn't been able to find a job in many months and sinks every day lower into debt and despondency, or the members of the Negro family in the city slum who lack the education to get even the first foot on the ladder, or the 11 million children being raised in families with incomes under $3,000 a year. To them the [[American Dream|American dream]] is just a dream and it is nothing more. So I want to ask your help to awaken the hopes of these people. When I came out of [[Kentucky]] and [[Pennsylvania]] with unemployed steelworkers and auto workers in [[w:South_Bend,_Indiana|South Bend, Ind.]], and coal workers in [[West Virginia]] and eastern Kentucky, the thing that impressed me more than anything else was not just the dire poverty that I saw where a man had an income of less than $400 last year, with 8 children to raise, but the faith and hope that man had in the ultimate outcome of his whole situation in this country. * So you are going to have to be the crusaders that lead the parade and you are going to have to be the ones that get us at least a few Republican votes on our poverty bill that is pending up here. We don't want a Democratic bill; we don't want a Republican bill. We want an American bill, for all Americans who are in this lower group, so we can help train those people that are being rejected, so we can help prepare those people who head families that are not equipped to do anything, and I would like to have your help in awakening the conscience and the concern of all Americans who can be aroused to go to work for their fellowman. I want your help to enlist an army of Americans of every party and every region in this war. '''Let this be said: That the real war to end all wars must be the war to eliminate poverty. Let this be known as a generation of Americans who made it their personal duty to give every American an equal and fair chance.''' * What greater legacy could you leave your children than to say, and have some little plaque on your living room wall, that somebody acknowledged that your grandchild could look up and say that his grandpa helped make it possible for every American to have an equal and fair chance, for that is what being an American means to me-equality, fair shake at all times. * So I am happy to have you here in this home that you let me occupy. I saw [[Richard Nixon|Dick Nixon]] Saturday night. I met him coming back from Viet-Nam. I told him I wondered if he ran into [[Barry Goldwater]] and [[w:Nelson_A._Rockefeller|Nelson Rockefeller]] on their way out to Viet-Nam. Now, we have got a lot to do in Viet-Nam. Of course, Nixon was out there, as I understand it, working on [[w:Pepsi-Cola|Pepsi-Cola]], I believe it was. But we have got work to do here, too, and one of the big jobs we have got to do is we have got to pass a civil rights bill. That will give Americans equal opportunity. * '''[[Abraham Lincoln|Lincoln]] [[w:end_of_slavery_in_the_United_States|freed the slaves]] of their chains 100 years ago. He signed the [[Emancipation Proclamation]] 100 years ago this year, and he freed them of their chains, but he didn't free them of their color and the bigotry that goes against color in this country. Until education is unaware of race, until employment is blind to color, emancipation will be a proclamation, but it will not be a fact, and we have got to pass a medical care bill for the aged, and we are within one vote of doing it.''' ==== Peace Corps Volunteers speech (May 1964) ==== :<small>President Johnson's remarks to the Peace Corps volunteers. (May 16, 1964). Source: [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/remarks-group-peace-corps-volunteers-0 Remarks to a Group of Peace Corps Volunteers, The American Presidency Project.]</small> * Thomas Hardy once said that "War makes rattling good history; but Peace is poor reading." You people, I think, have changed that. In 3 years the aspirations and accomplishments of the Peace Corps have made the pursuit of peace "rattling good history." I know that 'personally from my own journeys abroad. But I also know it because visitors who come here to the White House every day from other countries never fail to tell me of the good work that you and your companions have done and are doing throughout the world. * The Peace Corps is just beginning to make its mark on the world. Your past success gives only a faint glimmer of the enormous possibilities of the future. One of the brightest hopes is the spread of the Peace Corps idea to other countries. I am very proud that when I was Vice President that I was able to participate slightly in getting that movement started. Twenty-three nations have said that they want to start their own version of the Peace Corps. What finer compliment could be paid you and the decision by these countries to do that! Sarge Shriver has just returned from [[w:West_Germany|West Germany]] where he helped to develop that country's program. And [[Japan]] announced this week that by 1965 it will have volunteers serving throughout Asia. You have set into motion what may become the largest peaceful volunteer movement the world has ever seen. * '''Our war on poverty, an unconditional declaration of war against one of the last bitter enemies of a great society, can be traced, I think, in large part to the courage and the compassion and the commitment of the Peace Corps volunteers. Because, by fighting hunger, illiteracy, and poverty abroad, you have shown us that we can and we should and we must fight them at home.''' So I expect returning Peace Corps volunteers to play a major role in this war on poverty. We need your experience. We need your sense of duty. We need your imagination if we are to win this war. And win it we must. * I also expect volunteers who complete 2 years abroad to enter the Federal service and to bring to every level of our Government the same devotion that they brought to the Peace Corps. The day will come when a former volunteer sits where I sit, although I hope he will have to wait a few years anyway. Because we need in Government what you have demonstrated in the Peace Corps, I will send a letter next week to the heads of every department and agency of this Government. I will urge those departments and agency heads to expedite the hiring of former Peace Corps volunteers. And I will ask them to report on their success to me by September 1st. * For, if the Peace Corps' 6 percent savings were Government-wide, if each department and agency were to make the same savings that you have made, the total savings in our Government budget would be roughly $6 billion. But this is not your proudest accomplishment, important as it is. Far more significant is what the Peace Corps has meant to the life and the vitality of a free society in which the ultimate responsibility rests upon the individual. By your decision to serve and by the deeds of your service, you have shown that the ideals which gave this Nation birth and brought her to greatness are still burning. for that, all of us, each of us everywhere in this country, are deeply in your debt. I am so pleased that you could come here and visit. I hope you enjoy the Rose Garden. ==== University of Michigan speech (May 1964) ==== :<small>President Johnson's remarks at the University of Michigan. (May 22, 1964). Source: [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/remarks-the-university-michigan Remarks at the University of Michigan, The American Presidency Project.]</small> * I have come today from the turmoil of your Capital to the tranquility of your campus to speak about the future of your country. The purpose of protecting the life of our Nation and preserving the liberty of our citizens is to pursue the happiness of our people. Our success in that pursuit is the test of our success as a Nation. '''For a century we labored to settle and to subdue a continent. For half a century we called upon unbounded invention and untiring industry to create an order of plenty for all of our people. The challenge of the next half century is whether we have the wisdom to use that wealth to enrich and elevate our national life, and to advance the quality of our American civilization.''' * Your imagination, your initiative, and your indignation will determine whether we build a society where progress is the servant of our needs, or a society where old values and new visions are buried under unbridled growth. For in your time we have the opportunity to move not only toward the rich society and the powerful society, but upward to the Great Society. The Great Society rests on [[Wealth|abundance]] and [[liberty]] for all. It demands an end to poverty and racial injustice, to which we are totally committed in our time. But that is just the beginning. * '''The Great Society is a place where every child can find knowledge to enrich his mind and to enlarge his talents. It is a place where leisure is a welcome chance to build and reflect, not a feared cause of boredom and restlessness. It is a place where the city of man serves not only the needs of the body and the demands of commerce but the desire for beauty and the hunger for community. It is a place where man can renew contact with nature. It is a place which honors creation for its own sake and for what it adds to the understanding of the race. It is a place where men are more concerned with the quality of their goals than the quantity of their goods. But most of all, the Great Society is not a safe harbor, a resting place, a final objective, a finished work. It is a challenge constantly renewed, beckoning us toward a destiny where the meaning of our lives matches the marvelous products of our labor.''' * Many of you will live to see the day, perhaps 50 years from now, when there will be 400 million Americans four-fifths of them in urban areas. In the remainder of this century urban population will double, city land will double, and we will have to build homes, highways, and facilities equal to all those built since this country was first settled. So in the next 40 years we must rebuild the entire urban United States. [[Aristotle]] said: "Men come together in cities in order to live, but they remain together in order to live the good life." It is harder and harder to live the good life in American cities today. The catalog of ills is long: there is the decay of the centers and the despoiling of the suburbs. There is not enough housing for our people or transportation for our traffic. Open land is vanishing and old landmarks are violated. Worst of all expansion is eroding the precious and time honored values of community with neighbors and communion with nature. The loss of these values breeds loneliness and boredom and indifference. * '''Our society will never be great until our [[cities]] are great. Today the frontier of [[imagination]] and [[innovation]] is inside those cities and not beyond their borders. New experiments are already going on. It will be the task of your generation to make the American city a place where future generations will come, not only to live but to live the good life.''' I understand that if I stayed here tonight I would see that Michigan students are really doing their best to live the good life. This is the place where the Peace Corps was started. It is inspiring to see how all of you, while you are in this country, are trying so hard to live at the level of the people. * A second place where we begin to build the Great Society is in our countryside. We have always prided ourselves on being not only America the strong and America the free, but America the beautiful. Today that beauty is in danger. The water we drink, the food we eat, the very air that we breathe, are threatened with pollution. Our parks are overcrowded, our seashores overburdened. Green fields and dense forests are disappearing. A few years ago we were greatly concerned about the "Ugly American." Today we must act to prevent an ugly America. For once the battle is lost, once our natural splendor is destroyed, it can never be recaptured. And once man can no longer walk with beauty or wonder at nature his spirit will wither and his sustenance be wasted. * A third place to build the Great Society is in the classrooms of America. There your children's lives will be shaped. Our society will not be great until every young mind is set free to scan the farthest reaches of thought and imagination. We are still far from that goal. Today, 8 million adult Americans, more than the entire population of [[Michigan]], have not finished 5 years of school. Nearly 20 million have not finished 8 years of school. Nearly 54 million--more than one-quarter of all America--have not even finished high school. Each year more than 100,000 high school graduates, with proved ability, do not enter college because they cannot afford it. And if we cannot educate today's youth, what will we do in 1970 when elementary school enrollment will be 5 million greater than 1960? And high school enrollment will rise by 5 million. College enrollment will increase by more than 3 million. In many places, classrooms are overcrowded and curricula are outdated. Most of our qualified teachers are underpaid, and many of our paid teachers are unqualified. So we must give every child a place to sit and a teacher to learn from. Poverty must not be a bar to learning, and learning must offer an escape from poverty. But more classrooms and more teachers are not enough. We must seek an educational system which grows in excellence as it grows in size. This means better training for our teachers. It means preparing youth to enjoy their hours of leisure as well as their hours of labor. It means exploring new techniques of teaching, to find new ways to stimulate the love of learning and the capacity for creation. * These are three of the central issues of the Great Society. While our Government has many programs directed at those issues, I do not pretend that we have the full answer to those problems. But I do promise this: We are going to assemble the best thought and the broadest knowledge from all over the world to find those answers for America. I intend to establish working groups to prepare a series of White House conferences and meetings-on the cities, on natural beauty, on the quality of education, and on other emerging challenges. And from these meetings and from this inspiration and from these studies we will begin to set our course toward the Great Society. * The solution to these problems does not rest on a massive program in Washington, nor can it rely solely on the strained resources of local authority. They require us to create new concepts of cooperation, a creative federalism, between the National Capital and the leaders of local communities. [[Woodrow Wilson]] once wrote: "Every man sent out from his university should be a man of his Nation as well as a man of his time." Within your lifetime powerful forces, already loosed, will take us toward a way of life beyond the realm of our experience, almost beyond the bounds of our imagination. * '''For better or for worse, your generation has been appointed by history to deal with those problems and to lead America toward a new age. You have the chance never before afforded to any people in any age. You can help build a society where the demands of [[morality]], and the needs of the spirit, can be realized in the life of the Nation. So, will you join in the battle to give every citizen the full equality which God enjoins and the law requires, whatever his belief, or race, or the color of his skin? Will you join in the battle to give every citizen an escape from the crushing weight of poverty? Will you join in the battle to make it possible for all nations to live in enduring peace--as neighbors and not as mortal enemies? Will you join in the battle to build the Great Society, to prove that our material progress is only the foundation on which we will build a richer life of mind and spirit?''' ====Telephone call with Senator Richard Russell (May 27, 1964)==== :<small> As quoted in [http://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2017/09/27/vietnam-war-documentary-ken-burns-missing-transcript-215652 "The Vietnam War Transcript Trump Needs to Read"] ''Politico Magazine'', Jeff Green Field, September 27, 2017</small> *'''Johnson''': What do you think about this [[Vietnam War|Vietnam thing]]? I’d like to hear you talk a little bit. :'''Russell''': Well, frankly, Mr. President, it’s the damn worse mess that I ever saw, and I don’t like to brag and I never have been right many times in my life, but I knew that we were going to get into this sort of mess when we went in there. And I don’t see how we’re ever going to get out of it without fighting a major war with the [[China|Chinese]] and all of them down there in those rice paddies and jungles. I just don’t see it. I just don’t know what to do. :'''Johnson''': Well, that’s the way I have been feeling for six months. :'''Russell''': Our position is deteriorating and it looks like the more we try to do for them, the less they are willing to do for themselves. It is a mess and it’s going to get worse, and I don’t know how or what to do. I don’t think the American people are quite ready for us to send our troops in there to do the fighting. If I was going to get out, I’d get the same crowd that got rid of old [[w:Ngo_Dinh_DIem|Diem]] [the Vietnamese prime minister who was overthrown and assassinated in 1963] to get rid of these people and to get some fellow in there that said we wish to hell we would get out. That would give us a good excuse for getting out. :'''Johnson''': How important is it to us? :'''Russell''': It isn’t important a damn bit for all this [[nuclear weapon|new missile stuff]]. :'''Johnson''': I guess it is important. :'''Russell''': From a psychological standpoint. Other than the question of our word and saving face, that’s the reason that I said that I don’t think that anybody would expect us to stay in there. It’s going to be a headache to anybody that tries to fool with it. You’ve got all the brains in the country, Mr. President—you better get ahold of them. I don’t know what to do about this. I saw it all coming on, but that don’t do any good now, that’s water over the dam and under the bridge. And we are there. *'''Johnson''': Well, they’d impeach a president, though, that would run out, wouldn’t they? :'''Russell''': I don’t think they would. I don’t know how in hell you’re going to get out, unless they [the South Vietnamese government] tell you to get out. :'''Johnson''': Wouldn’t that pretty well fix us in the eyes of the world and make us look mighty bad? :'''Russell''': Well, I don’t know, we don’t look too good right now, going in there with all the troops, sending them all in there, I’ll tell you it'll be the most expensive adventure this country ever went into. ==== United States Coast Guard Academy commencement address (June 1964) ==== :<small>President Johnson's remarks to the Coast Guard Academy in New London, Connecticut. (June 3, 1964). Source: [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/commencement-address-new-london-the-united-states-coast-guard-academy Commencement Address in New London at the United States Coast Guard Academy, The American Presidency Project.]</small> * In 1790 the nation which had fought a [[American Revolution|revolution]] against [[w:Taxation_without_representation|taxation without representation]] discovered that some of its citizens weren't much happier about taxation with representation. And so, in what was probably the country's first economy drive, the [[w:United_States_Coast_Guard|Coast Guard]] was founded at a cost of $10,000 for 10 cutters. In tribute to your traditions, and in anticipation of your achievements, as Commander in Chief I hereby grant a general amnesty, and do excuse all Coast Guard cadets from any penalties which you may now carry with you. '''The official mission of the Coast Guard, which hangs in each room of this Academy, places you "in the service of (your) country and humanity." That mission, your mission, is also the mission of your Nation.''' * For today we Americans share responsibility not only for our own security but for the security of all free nations, not only for our own society but for an entire civilization, not only for our own liberty but for the hopes of all humanity. In pursuit of such responsibilities national security requires more than national strength. It requires, first of all, a nation dedicated to justice and to the improvement of life for its own people. It requires a nation determined to help others eliminate the despair and the human degradation on which the enemies of freedom feed. It requires a nation devoted, through speech and deed, to showing those who may grow weary of will, or fearful of the future, that the cause of human dignity is on the march, its shadow is lengthening, and victory is moving nearer. But our hope for success in the aims of peace rests also on the strength of our arms. * '''As [[Winston Churchill]] once said: "Civilization will not last, freedom will not survive, peace will not be kept, unless mankind unites together to defend them and show themselves possessed of a power before which barbaric forces will stand in awe." We, as well as our adversaries, must stand in awe before the power our craft has created and our wisdom must labor to control. In every area of national strength America today is stronger than it has ever been before. It is stronger than any adversary or combination of adversaries. It is stronger than the combined might of all the nations in the history of the world. And I confidently predict that strength will continue to grow more rapidly than the might of all others.''' * The first area of this increasing strength is our ability to deter atomic destruction. In the past 3 years we have increased our [[Nuclear weapons|nuclear power]] on alert 2½ times, and our nuclear superiority will continue to grow until we reach agreement on arms control. We have now more than 1,000 fully armed ICBM's and Polaris missiles ready for retaliation. The [[Soviet Union]] has far fewer, and none ready to be launched beneath the seas. We have more than 1,100 strategic bombers, many of which are equipped with air-to-surface and decoy missiles to help them reach almost any target. The Soviet Union, we estimate, could with difficulty send less than one-third of this number over targets in the United States. Against such force the combined destructive power of every battle ever fought by man is like a firecracker thrown against the sun. * The second area of increasing strength is our ability to fight less than all-out war. In the past 3 years we have raised the number of combat ready divisions 45 percent. They can he moved swiftly around the world by an airlift capacity which has increased 75 percent. Supporting tactical aircraft have been increased over 30 percent and the number of tactical nuclear warheads in Europe has been raised 60 percent. We, and our NATO allies, now have 5 million men under arms. In addition, we are now ready to mobilize large reserves in the event of conflict. Six divisions, with all supporting units, can be moved into action in a few weeks. And we are continuing to build our forces. In a few years our airlift capacity will be five times what it was in 1961. Advanced weapons and equipment are flowing to our armies. Our fleet is being modernized through a decade-long shipbuilding program. And new tactical aircraft are being built. * A third area of increasing strength is the struggle against subversion. Our adversaries, convinced that direct attack would be aimless, today resort to terror, subversion, and [[w:Guerrilla_warfare|guerrilla warfare]]. To meet this threat we began a large effort to train special forces to fight internal subversion. Since January 1961 we have increased these specialized forces eight times. We have trained more than 100,000 officers in these techniques. We have given special emphasis to this form of warfare in the training of all military units. Our army now has six special action forces on call around the world to assist our friendly nations. They are skilled in the languages and problems of the area in which they are stationed. The Navy and the Air Force have several thousand men whose abilities, training, equipment, and mission are designed to combat clandestine attack. And behind these groups are five brigade-size backup forces ready to move into instant action. But just as subversion has many faces, our responses must take many forms. We have worked to increase and integrate all the resources, political and social as well as military and economic, needed to meet a threat which tears at the entire fabric of a society. But success in fighting subversion ultimately rests on the skill of the soldiers of the threatened country. We now have 344 teams at work in 49 countries to train the local military in the most advanced techniques of internal defense. Subversive warfare is often difficult, dirty, and deadly. Victory comes only to those with the desire to protect their own freedom. But such conflict requires weapons as well as will, ability as well as aspiration. And we will continue to increase this strength until our adversaries are convinced that this course too will not lead to conquest. * The fourth area of increasing strength is in the development of new weapons for deterrence and defense. In the past several years we have begun many important new weapons systems. Minuteman II will have twice the accuracy of the first Minuteman. The new Nike-X, when its development is completed, will give us the option to deploy, if national security requires it, the best anti-ballistics missile available to any nation. We are developing a new aircraft, the F-111, with much greater range, payload, and ability at air combat than present tactical bombers or fighters. The Lance missile, the EX-10 torpedo, the A7A attack aircraft, a new main battle tank, new anti-tank missile system, are the emerging products of development that we are carrying on. And that effort is without parallel in all the world. We will continue to carry forward new projects which offer hope of adding substantially to our strength. I can assure the American people that the United States is, and will remain, first in the use of science and technology for the protection of the people. * The fifth area and the most important of increasing strength is the ability of the American fighting man. However impressive or ingenious, our weapons can be no better than the men who man them. The complexities of modern weapons require men of high skill. The complexities of modern warfare require men of great knowledge. The complexities of the modern world require men of broad outlook. Today 52 percent of our enlisted men are under 25 and are high school graduates, compared with 39 percent in the country as a whole who are high school graduates. Sixty-five percent of our commissioned officers are college graduates today, compared with 7 percent in the Nation. Twenty-five thousand officers hold graduate degrees and thousands more are studying for such degrees. In encampments across the world millions of men and women have chosen to serve with low pay and high hazard, with deep devotion and silent sacrifice, so that their fellow Americans might enjoy the rich legacy of liberty. They stand the hard vigil that we may pursue the high vision of flourishing freedom in a world at peace. These are the sources of the strength we build, knowing, in the words of the Bible, "When the strong man armed keepeth his palace, his goods are in peace." The necessities of our strength are as varied as the nature of our dangers. The response must suit the threat. Those who would answer every problem with nuclear weapons display not bravery but bravado, not wisdom but a wanton disregard for the survival of the world and the future of the race. * '''No one can live daily, as I must do, with the dark realities of nuclear ruin, without seeking the guidance of God to find the path of peace. We have built this staggering strength that I have told you about not to destroy but to save, not to put an end to civilization but rather to try to put an end to conflict.''' Thus, in the past 3 years, as our strength rose--and, in large part, as a consequence of that rising strength--we have been able to take more tangible steps toward peace than at any time since the cold war began. We established an Arms Control and Disarmament Agency. We agreed with the Soviet Union on a statement of disarmament principles. We signed a test ban treaty. We established the "hot line." We supported a U.N. resolution prohibiting the orbiting of nuclear weapons. We cut back on nuclear production while the Soviet Union did the same. And we have just completed the negotiation of a new consular agreement. And, as the Geneva conference reconvenes, we have before it a series of proposals that I submitted, designed to freeze strategic nuclear delivery systems, to stop the spread of nuclear weapons, and to prohibit the use of force to solve disputes. And we will welcome any other proposal by any nation which promises realistic progress toward peace. * '''In far-flung corners of this strife-girdled globe ambitious adversaries continually test our tenacity and seek to erode our endurance. American strength is engaged and American blood is being shed. It requires patience and understanding to continue the search for peace while our adversaries so beset us. But this is what we must do. It is what, God willing, I intend to do. If we are successful in that search it will be because you, and men like you, gave their lives to duty that our children might live their lives in freedom. So let us hope that this Nation can someday, not too distant, lay aside its awesome power, and direct all its genius to the betterment of man.''' Let us hope that we may soon be able to say "The night is far spent, the day is at hand; let us therefore cast off the works of darkness and let us put on the armor of light." ==== International Ladies Garment Workers Union speech (June 1964) ==== :<small>President Johnson's remarks to the International Ladies Garment Workers Union. (June 6, 1964). Source: [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/remarks-new-york-city-members-the-international-ladies-garment-workers-union Remarks in New York City to Members of the International Ladies Garment Workers Union, The American Presidency Project.]</small> * Fifty years ago this health center stood alone--the first of its kind to be established in our country by a trade union for working men and women. Your union stood resolute in the thin ranks of those who carried on the struggle for security for the helpless, who fought the battle for a better life for every citizen. And that concern of your union 50 years ago is today imbedded in the conscience of our country, in the laws of our land, and in the highest hopes of our people. * '''These last 50 years have been decades of decision. In our conscience and in our laws, we have decided that children belong in classrooms and not in sweatshops and coal mines. We have decided that young women should work in surroundings of decency and not in sweatshops of degradation; that the sick and the suffering, the blind and the deaf, the mentally ill and the mentally retarded should have our care--and not our curses. Yes, in these 50 years we have set for America a direction toward human decency and human dignity. We have held our country on a course of compassion. The course we have set over those years--the course that you really helped to set--is the course of today's America. We are going to keep America moving. We are going to move forward with the American people.''' * The earliest goal of American society, the beckoning promise which brought men to these shores, has been a nation where each citizen would find his achievements limited only by his ability, and where the helpless need not abandon hope. This is the meaning of justice when we pledge ourselves to liberty and to justice for all. I predict that in the next 10 years we will make greater gains toward this goal--toward justice and social progress--than at any time in the long history of our beloved Republic. * In the month of May of this year employment rose to an all-time high in the United States of more than 71 million jobs. The unemployment rate yesterday dropped to 5.1 percent. For married men the unemployment rate dropped to 2.6 percent--the lowest unemployment rate for married men in the last 6 years. What does this mean? This means that 97.4 percent of all married workers in this country now have jobs. In the last 12 months alone in this country we have added 2 million jobs to the American economy. We have lowered unemployment, even though 1.4 million people have entered the labor market in the past 5 months, compared with a normal full-year increase of 1.2 million. Thus has promise become progress. For these achievements are not the easy product of chance or circumstance. They have resulted from the patient and the determined pursuit of policies, including the largest tax cut in the history of America designed to deter recession and generate growth. And we will continue this pursuit until every American who wants to work can find a job. * Thirty years ago in the administration in which the great lady on the platform--[[Frances Perkins|Mrs. Perkins]]--played such a prominent part, that administration promised that no American who reached retirement would find a lifetime of labor rewarded only by years of neglect and fear and despair. In the past 4 years we have extended new and increased social security benefits to more than 5 million people. We have reduced the male retirement age. We have given greater scope to what could be earned without losing benefits. And we have taken a long series of steps to strengthen our entire Social Security System which means so much to all of us. We are also keeping our commitment to provide hospital care under social security for all of our citizens, and we are going to see that come true. ==== Holy Cross College commencement address (June 1964) ==== :<small>President Johnson's remarks at Holy Cross College. (June 10, 1964). Source: [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/commencement-address-holy-cross-college Commencement Address at Holy Cross College, The American Presidency Project.]</small> * '''Last year, within 6 months of each other, two of the great men of this century passed from this earth: President [[John F. Kennedy]] and [[Pope John XXIII]]. They both left a world transformed by their triumphs and lessened by their leaving. They both handed on a heritage of hope, a vision of the future which will occupy the thoughts and labors of men for generations yet to come.''' For a generation, Americans have struggled to keep the ambitions of nations from erupting into the annihilation of [[nuclear war]]. We have struggled to diminish hostility and to decrease tension, while battling aggression and building our power. '''The years will not dim, nor the burdens destroy, our resolve to seek and not to yield, to find a way to peace in a world where freedom grows. But even if we achieve such a world, we will only have taken a first step toward final fulfillment of the hopes of Pope John and President Kennedy. For just as the [[Cold War|cold war]] has consumed our energies, it has often limited our horizons. We have tended to place every challenge in the context of conflict, to regard every difficulty as part of a struggle for domination.''' * Even if we end terror and even if we eliminate tension, even if we reduce arms and restrict conflict, even if peace were to come to the nations, we would turn from this struggle only to find ourselves on a new battleground as filled with danger and as fraught with difficulty as any ever faced by man. For many of our most urgent problems do not spring from the cold war or even from the ambitions of our adversaries. These are the problems which will persist beyond the cold war. They are the ominous obstacles to man's effort to build a great world society--a place where every man can find a life free from hunger and disease-a life offering the chance to seek spiritual fulfillment unhampered by the degradation of bodily misery. * These long years of conflict have given fresh content to the ancient prophecy that no man, and no community, and no nation, is an island. This truth, borne in upon us by the necessities of our protection, is equally true for those problems which stretch beyond present differences. Those who live in the emerging community of nations will ignore the problems of their neighbors at the risk of their own prosperity. It may seem difficult to accept the fact that even lasting peace will not bring respite from world responsibility. But we can bring to the challenges which surpass conflict the same qualities of resolution and compassion that we have brought to the protection of freedom, then your generation can shape the great world society which is the ultimate purpose of peace. * I would like briefly, today, to mention three problems which menace man's welfare and will threaten it even when armed destruction and war are things of the past. They are the problems of poverty, of disease, and of diminishing natural resources. First is the problem of poverty--the growing division between the rich and poor nations. Today the per capita product of the [[Developed country|developed countries]] is $1,730 a year. In the developing countries it is $143. And the gap is widening, not narrowing. Our own growth must continue. But we must find ways to step up the growth of others or we will be an increasingly isolated island of wealth in the midst of mounting misery. Second is man's struggle against [[disease]], the focal point in his war to control the destructive forces of nature. Each year 3 million people die from [[tuberculosis]]. Each year 5 million die from [[w:dysentery|dysentery]], 500,000 from [[measles]]. In some countries one-sixth of the entire population suffer from leprosy. Yet, we have the knowledge to reduce the toll of these diseases, and to avert millions of separate tragedies of needless death and suffering. Third is the need to develop new resources, and new ways to use existing resources. It has been estimated that if everyone in the world were to rise to the level of living of the United States we would then have to extract about 20 billion tons of [[iron]], 300 million tons of [[copper]], 300 million tons of [[w:Lead|lead]], and 200 million tons of zinc. These totals are well over 100 times the world's present annual rate of production. * '''There is no simple solution to these problems. In the past there would have been no solution at all. Today, the constantly unfolding conquests of science give man the power over his world and nature which brings the prospect of success within the purview of hope.''' * To commemorate the United Nations 20th birthday, 1965 has been designated International Cooperation Year. I propose to dedicate this year to finding new techniques for making man's knowledge serve man's welfare. Let this be the year of science. Let it be a turning point in the struggle-not of man against man, but of man against nature. In the midst of tension let us begin to chart a course toward the possibilities of conquest which bypass the politics of the cold war. For our own part, we intend to call upon all the resources of this great Nation--both public and private--to work with other nations to find new methods of improving the life of man. * '''We are going ahead with our determined effort to bring peace to this world. We are going ahead in our country to bring an end to poverty and to racial injustice. In the last 10 minutes we have made considerable progress when we voted cloture in the Senate today by a vote of 71 to 29. The message of Pope John and John Kennedy flowed from the message that burst upon the world 2,000 years ago--a message of hope and redemption not for a people or for a nation, but hope and redemption for all people of all nations.''' We now can join knowledge to faith and science to belief to realize in our time the ancient hope of a world which is a fit home for mail. The New Testament enjoins us to "Go ye therefore and teach all nations." Go forth then--in that spirit--to put your hands in the service of man and to put your hearts in the service of God. ====Civil Rights Bill signing speech (1964)==== [[File:Lyndon Johnson signing Civil Rights Act, July 2, 1964.jpg|thumb|Let us close the springs of racial poison. Let us pray for wise and understanding hearts. Let us lay aside irrelevant differences and make our Nation whole.]] :<small>[http://www.lbjlib.utexas.edu/johnson/archives.hom/speeches.hom/640702.asp President Lyndon B. Johnson's Radio and Television Remarks Upon Signing the Civil Rights Bill (July 2, 1964).] Source: Public Papers of the Presidents of the United States: Lyndon B. Johnson, 1963-64. Volume II, entry 446, pp. 842-844. Washington, D. C.: Government Printing Office, 1965.</small> * Americans of every race and color have died in battle to protect our freedom. Americans of every race and color have worked to build a nation of widening opportunities. Now our generation of Americans has been called on to continue the unending search for justice within our own borders. We believe that all men are created equal. Yet many are denied equal treatment. We believe that all men have certain unalienable rights. Yet many Americans do not enjoy those rights. We believe that all men are entitled to the blessings of liberty. Yet millions are being deprived of those blessings&nbsp;— not because of their own failures, but because of the color of their skin. The reasons are deeply imbedded in history and tradition and the nature of man. We can understand&nbsp;— without rancor or hatred&nbsp;— how this all happened. But it cannot continue. [[United States Constitution|Our Constitution]], the foundation of our Republic, forbids it. The principles of our freedom forbid it. Morality forbids it. And the law I will sign tonight forbids it. * The purpose of the law is simple. It does not restrict the freedom of any American, so long as he respects the rights of others. It does not give special treatment to any citizen. It does say the only limit to a man's hope for happiness, and for the future of his children, shall be his own ability. It does say that there are those who are equal before God shall now also be equal in the polling booths, in the classrooms, in the factories, and in hotels, restaurants, movie theaters, and other places that provide service to the public. * '''We must not approach the observance and enforcement of this law in a vengeful spirit. Its purpose is not to punish. Its purpose is not to divide, but to end divisions&nbsp;— divisions which have all lasted too long. Its purpose is national, not regional. Its purpose is to promote a more abiding commitment to freedom, a more constant pursuit of justice, and a deeper respect for human dignity.''' * '''Let us close the springs of racial poison. Let us pray for wise and understanding hearts. Let us lay aside irrelevant differences and make our Nation whole.''' ==== Syracuse University remarks (August 1964) ==== :<small>President Johnson's remarks on communism in Southeast Asia at Syracuse University. (August 5, 1964). Source: [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/remarks-syracuse-university-the-communist-challenge-southeast-asia Remarks at Syracuse University on the Communist Challenge in Southeast Asia, The American Presidency Project.]</small> * Last night I spoke to the people of the Nation. This morning, I speak to the people of all nations--so that they may understand without mistake our purpose in the action that we have been required to take. On August 2 the United States destroyer Maddox was attacked on the high seas in the Gulf of Tonkin by hostile vessels of the Government of North Viet-Nam. On August 4 that attack was repeated in those same waters against two United States destroyers. The attacks were deliberate. The attacks were unprovoked. The attacks have been answered. Throughout last night and within the last 12 hours, air units of the [[w:United_States_Seventh_Fleet|United States Seventh Fleet]] have sought out the hostile vessels and certain of their supporting facilities.. Appropriate armed action has been taken against them. The United States is now asking that this be brought immediately and urgently before the Security Council of the United Nations. We welcome--and we invite--the scrutiny of all men who seek peace, for peace is the only purpose of the course that America pursues. '''The Gulf of Tonkin may be distant, but none can be detached about what has happened there. Aggression--deliberate, willful, and systematic aggression--has unmasked its face to the entire world. The world remembers-the world must never forget--that aggression unchallenged is aggression unleashed. We of the United States have not forgotten.''' * '''America's course is not precipitate. America's course is not without long provocation. For 10 years three American Presidents-President Eisenhower, President Kennedy, and your present President--and the American people have been actively concerned with threats to the peace and security of the peoples of southeast Asia from the Communist government of North Viet-Nam. [[Dwight D. Eisenhower|President Eisenhower]] sought--and President Kennedy sought--the same objectives that I still seek: That the governments of southeast Asia honor the international agreements which apply in the area; That those governments leave each other alone; That they resolve their differences peacefully; That they devote their talents to bettering the lives of their peoples by working against poverty and disease and ignorance.''' * In 1954 we made our position clear toward Viet-Nam. In June of that year we stated we "would view any renewal of the aggression in violation of the 1954 agreements with grave concern and as seriously threatening international peace and security." In September of that year the United States signed the Manila pact on which our participation in [[w:SEATO|SEATO]] is based. That pact recognized that aggression by means of armed attack on South Viet-Nam would endanger the peace and the safety of the nations signing that solemn agreement. In 1962 we made our position clear toward Laos. We signed the Declaration of Neutrality of Laos. That accord provided for the withdrawal of all foreign forces and respect for the neutrality and independence of that little country. The agreements of 1954 and 1962 were also signed by the government of North Viet-Nam. In 1954 that government pledged that it would respect the territory under the military control of the other party and engage in no hostile act against the other party. In 1962 that government pledged that it would "not introduce into the [[w:Kingdom_of_Laos|Kingdom of Laos]] foreign troops or military personnel." That government also pledged that it would "not use the territory of the Kingdom of Laos for interference in the internal affairs of other countries." * That government of North Viet-Nam is now willfully and systematically violating those agreements of both 1954 and 1962. To the south it is engaged in aggression against the Republic of Viet-Nam. To the west it is engaged in aggression against the Kingdom of Laos. To the east it has now struck out on the high seas in an act of aggression against the United States of America. There can be, there must be no doubt about the policy and no doubt about the purpose. So there can be no doubt about the responsibilities of men and the responsibilities of nations that are devoted to peace. Peace cannot be assured merely by assuring the safety of the United States destroyer Maddox or the safety of other vessels of other flags. Peace requires that the existing agreements in the area be honored. Peace requires that we and all our friends stand firm against the present aggressions of the government of North Viet-Nam. The government of North Viet-Nam is today flouting the will of the world for peace. The world is challenged to make its will against war known and to make it known clearly and to make it felt and to make it felt decisively. * So, to our friends of the Atlantic Alliance, let me say this, this morning: the challenge that we face in southeast Asia today is the same challenge that we have faced with courage and that we have met with strength in [[Greece]] and [[Turkey]], in [[Berlin]] and [[Korea]], in [[Lebanon]] and in [[Cuba]]. And to any who may be tempted to support or to widen the present aggression I say this: there is no threat to any peaceful power from the United States of America. But there can be no peace by aggression and no immunity from reply. That is what is meant by the actions that we took yesterday. * '''Finally, my fellow Americans, I would like to say to ally and adversary alike: let no friend needlessly fear--and no foe vainly hope--that this is a nation divided in this election year. Our free elections--our full and free debate--are America's strength, not America's weakness. There are no parties and there is no partisanship when our peace or the peace of the world is imperiled by aggressors in any part of the world. We are one nation united and indivisible. And united and indivisible we shall remain.''' ==== Businessmen luncheon (August 1964) ==== :<small>President Johnson's remarks at a luncheon of businessman in the White House's State Dining Room. (August 10, 1964). Source: [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/remarks-luncheon-for-businessmen Remarks at a Luncheon for Businessmen, The American Presidency Project.]</small> [[File:White House north and south sides.jpg|thumb|THIS house in which you are visiting today is not a personal residence. And it must never be a political prize. This house is the house of all the people.]] * '''THIS house in which you are visiting today is not a personal residence. And it must never be a political prize. This house is the house of all the people. For so long as I am your tenant--and your servant--I shall use this house as we are using it today: use it to bring together America's leaders from all walks of American life, to think together, to plan together, to work together for the future of America. As President, I would much rather explain why leaders of labor--or leaders of business-are in their White House, than to try to explain why either are not here or weren't invited.''' * '''As I conceive it, a President's first role and first responsibility is to help perfect the unity of the people, not to perpetuate their divisions. The last 10 days have reminded us anew of just how vital our unity has come to be.''' Far away--and near at home--grim and grave challenges have confronted us. Those challenges continue to come. But so long as our land is strong and free, those challenges will not cease. In this period we have been able to meet our challenges steadily and surely and swiftly. Our friends have not misunderstood-our adversaries have not mistaken-our purpose has remained unchanged, because we in America have been united. A united America has never been--and, I think, will never be--a misunderstood America. In these days, among many thoughts in my own mind, one has been impressed strongly upon me. How different America's response might have been--how different America's role might be--if we were today a nation divided by struggles of class or strife, a nation split between capital and labor. * '''In your lifetime and mine, we have moved beyond those dangerous shoals. Our responsibility together now is to steer the course of this system, steer the course of this economy, and this society to the high and hopeful and happier seas of a more perfect unity.''' And that is why I asked you to come here today. Around the world--throughout our times--men of business have lived in dread and fear of the governments of their lands. They live with fear in many lands today-wondering if what they have accumulated will be taken away or taxed away or foolishly thrown away. That is why I wanted you to know something about how your Government is operating. That is why I want all American businessmen to understand that your Government is devoted to your success, not dedicated to your enslavement. [[File:President Johnson poverty tour.jpg|thumb|American business is like no other in history. It is owned by millions, it employs millions more, it serves all 190 million of our people. The promise for their lives rests upon the performance of your enterprise. While some of you may not be interested in our success, I can assure you that we here in Washington are greatly interested in your success.]] * American business is like no other in history. It is owned by millions, it employs millions more, it serves all 190 million of our people. The promise for their lives rests upon the performance of your enterprise. While some of you may not be interested in our success, I can assure you that we here in Washington are greatly interested in your success. I am glad I can say today that no businessmen anywhere have ever at any time enjoyed the measure of success that American businessmen are enjoying now. For 42 consecutive months, we have had the longest and the largest peacetime expansion of our economy on record. These years from 1961 through 1964 are going into the record books as the most prosperous years of our history. It is prosperity not just for businessmen--it is prosperity for all the people of this Nation. * Gains in jobs and profits are going hand in hand. Workers are gaining in purchasing power through fuller employment, through longer hours, through higher wages. But on the average, higher wages have not increased the cost of doing business. Why? Because productivity has risen to match the wages. Profits are gaining through higher volume and lower costs and lower taxes--thanks to the help of a good many men in this room. But on the average the gains are not coming through higher prices. So long as this is the pattern, we can use our fiscal and our monetary policies to stimulate business activity and not to restrain it. Both business and labor are making their economic gains by enlarging the size of the economic pie. They are not making--and they cannot continue to make--gains by taking bigger slices at the expense of one another or at the expense of the American consumer. * So I say today: the times are good. Our prospects are bright. Your Nation's strength is great. The promise before us all is bright. But one fact stands out above all the rest. What we have, what you have accumulated, what all American families hope to accumulate can be lost if we do not continue on the course of perfecting our unity. Our prosperity today is not a one-time phenomenon. This is a solid, stable, steady prosperity--achieved by the confidence and the certainty of a climate that's free of doubt and division and bitter contention. Our dollar is strong because the world has new confidence in our responsibility. Our consumer market is strong because Americans at home have confidence in our future course. Our enterprise system is functioning successfully because we have been doing here in Washington many of the things so long needed to lift off burdens of the past. Taxes have been cut. Spending has been curbed. Earnest and honest efforts have been made to put to work in Government today's new tools and new concepts to produce more efficient management of your public business. [[File:House Speaker John McCormack - NARA - 192491.tif|thumb|Your Government seeks to be not a dictator but a moderator--not a master planner but a faithful public servant--not an agent for your control but a vehicle for your freedom.]] * '''Your Government seeks to be not a dictator but a moderator--not a master planner but a faithful public servant--not an agent for your control but a vehicle for your freedom.''' What I have said to all others I want to repeat to you before we leave today. As a man who wants to be President of all the people, I intend to work to ensure that every person enjoys the full constitutional rights and [[equal opportunity]] that are his birthright as an American citizen. I intend to use all the resources I have to make sure those who claim rights--and those who deny them--bend their passions to peaceful obedience of the law of the land. '''No man could attain a higher honor than to occupy this office I now hold. No man would be worthy of that honor who thought of self. No man would be worthy who thought of any success except America's success. And that is the only thought I have in this house today. If the man who lives in this house is not free to stand for right, no man in any house in America is free from the injury of wrong.''' * When I came into this office very suddenly 8 months ago, confronted with all the problems and obstacles that faced me at that time, I tried to look about America and draw all the strength that was available to me. And a great deal of that is in this room today. President Eisenhower and [[Harry S. Truman|President Truman]] immediately headed for Washington to give me their counsel and to try to help me lead this Nation at that critical time. Since that time I have met with thousands of leaders of our free enterprise system. I met with the capitalists of the Nation, with the managers of that capital, with the workers employed by that management. I have gone to them with my problems. I have asked for their counsel. I have profited from their advice. So I have asked you today to come here to visit with me, to have a chance to know you. * I have said this to a good many of you before in our other conferences, but I think it is worth repeating. '''I believe if we prevail in this world and if we survive, it will be primarily due to the efficiency and the strength of our system of government. I think our system of government is better than the system of our adversaries. And I think in time we will demonstrate it and it will prevail.''' I think that we can do a job better and more efficient and more satisfactory for the capitalist who sends his dollar out hoping to get a small return on it, the manager who gets up at daylight and works until midnight to put that dollar and the men together and develops stomach ulcers in the process but looks forward to the bonus that he may get from the board of directors at the end of the year, to the worker who tries to produce a better mousetrap at lower costs. And when all these three are put together, I believe that they can do a better job than any slaves can do for any commissars. And I have faith that that system will prevail. * Mr. [[Sam Rayburn|Rayburn]] used to say to me--and he stayed here over 50 years--that it had been his experience that the most frightened man in American society was the average businessman. He said sometimes he has cause for it, but he goes around being constantly scared about what his Government is going to do. First of all, he doesn't know a great deal about his Government because he's so busy making his own business operate. He's concentrating there on his own problems that he doesn't have time to become a political expert and understand all the intricacies of our governmental system. So he is constantly frightened about it. And if he can't get his blood pressure up high enough on his own, he'll go hire him a lawyer and pay him to keep him scared. * Well, I want you to know more about your Government. And I want your Government to know more about you. These men on this row are part of this country--very vital and very important parts of this country. But a few weeks ago and maybe a few weeks from now they will be back occupying some of the chairs that you now occupy. * '''So we wanted you to come here today, to tell you that we need your help. And we need the help of every American. You are the leaders of this country. And we want you to exercise that leadership. We have faith and confidence in our system. We want to develop it. We want to strengthen it. We want to promote it.''' In short, we are going to perform our responsibilities, to give you the best Government of which we are capable. And we are going to ask you in return not to agree with us, not to support us, but to give us the leadership that you are capable of giving us and help us to unite this country instead of divide it. * All the world looks to this Nation for its future, for the leadership that is required at this moment. And we cannot give that leadership and we cannot offer it if we are split up in guerrilla groups chewing on each other. We hope that in the months to come that we will have another opportunity to meet and talk and grow together because I think we have the greatest system of government ever devised by man. And I am going to contribute all I can to strengthen it and, more important, to perpetuate it. ==== Economic Opportunity Act (August 1964) ==== :<small>President Johnson's remarks upon signing the Economic Opportunity Act in the Rose Garden. (August 20, 1964). Source: [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/remarks-upon-signing-the-economic-opportunity-act Remarks Upon Signing the Economic Opportunity Act, The American Presidency Project.]</small> * My fellow Americans: On this occasion the American people and our American system are making history. '''For so long as man has lived on this earth poverty has been his curse. On every continent in every age men have sought escape from poverty's oppression.''' Today for the first time in all the history of the human race, a great nation is able to make and is willing to make a commitment to eradicate poverty among its people. Whatever our situation in life, whatever our partisan affiliation, we can be grateful and proud that we are able to pledge ourselves this morning to this historic course. We can be especially proud of the nature of the commitments that we are making. This is not in any sense a cynical proposal to exploit the poor with a promise of a handout or a dole. We know--we learned long ago--that answer is no answer. * The measure before me this morning for signature offers the answer that its title implies--the answer of opportunity. For the purpose of the Economic Opportunity Act of 1964 is to offer opportunity, not an opiate. For the million young men and women who are out of school and who are out of work, this program will permit us to take them off the streets, put them into work training programs, to prepare them for productive lives, not wasted lives. In this same sound, sensible, and responsible way we will reach into all the pockets of poverty and help our people find their footing for a long climb toward a better way of life. We will work with them through our communities all over the country to develop comprehensive community action programs--with remedial education, with job training, with retraining, with health and employment counseling, with neighborhood improvement. We will strike at poverty's roots. * This is by no means a program confined just to our cities. Rural America is afflicted deeply by rural poverty, and this program will help poor farmers get back on their feet and help poor farmers stay on their farms. It will help those small businessmen who live on the borderline of poverty. It will help the unemployed heads of families maintain their skills and learn new skills. In helping others, all of us will really be helping ourselves. For this bill will permit us to give our young people an opportunity to work here at home in constructive ways as volunteers, going to war against poverty instead of going to war against foreign enemies. All of this will be done through a program which is prudent and practical, which is consistent with our national ideals. * Every dollar authorized in this bill was contained in the budget request that I sent to the Congress last January. Every dollar spent will result in savings to the country and especially to the local taxpayers in the cost of crime, welfare, of health, and of police protection. We are not content to accept the endless growth of relief rolls or welfare rolls. We want to offer the forgotten fifth of our people opportunity and not doles. That is what this measure does for our times. * Our American answer to poverty is not to make the poor more secure in their poverty but to reach down and to help them lift themselves out of the ruts of poverty and move with the large majority along the high road of hope and prosperity. The days of the dole in our country are numbered. I firmly believe that as of this moment a new day of opportunity is dawning and a new era of progress is opening for us all. And to you men and women in the Congress who fought so long, so hard to help bring about this legislation, to you private citizens in labor and in business who lent us a helping hand, to Sargent Shriver and that band of loyal men and women who made up this task force that brings our dream into a reality today, we say "Thank you" for all the American people. In the days and years to come, those who have an opportunity to participate in this program will vindicate your thinking and vindicate your action. ==== Democratic National Convention (August 1964) ==== :<small>President Johnson's remarks at the 1964 Democratic National Convention. (August 27, 1964). Source: [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/remarks-before-the-national-convention-upon-accepting-the-nomination Remarks Before the National Convention Upon Accepting the Nomination, The American Presidency Project.]</small> * I accept your nomination. I accept the duty of leading this party to victory this year. And I thank you, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for placing at my side the man that last night you so wisely selected to be the next Vice President of the United States. I know I speak for each of you and all of you when I say he proved himself tonight in that great acceptance speech. And I speak for both of us when I tell you that from Monday on he is going to be available for such speeches in all 50 States! We will try to lead you as we were led by that great champion of freedom, the man from Independence, [[Harry S. Truman]]. But the gladness of this high occasion cannot mask the sorrow which shares our hearts. So let us here tonight, each of us, all of us, rededicate ourselves to keeping burning the golden torch of promise which [[John F. Kennedy|John Fitzgerald Kennedy]] set aflame. And let none of us stop to rest until we have written into the law of the land all the suggestions that made up the John Fitzgerald Kennedy program. And then let us continue to supplement that program with the kind of laws that he would have us write. * Tonight we offer ourselves--on our record and by our platform--as a party for all Americans, an all-American party for all Americans. This prosperous people, this land of reasonable men, has no place for petty partisanship or peevish prejudice. The needs of all can never be met by parties of the few. The needs of all cannot be met by a business party or a labor party, not by a war party or a peace party, not by a southern party or a northern party. Our deeds will meet our needs only if we are served by a party which serves all our people. We are members together of such a party, the Democratic Party of 1964. We have written a proud record of accomplishments for all Americans. * If any ask what we have done, just let them look at what we promised to do. For those promises have become our deeds. And the promises of tonight I can assure you will become the deeds of tomorrow. We are in the midst of the largest and the longest period of peacetime prosperity in our history. And almost every American listening to us tonight has seen the results in his own life. But prosperity for most has not brought prosperity to all. And those who have received the bounty of this land--who sit tonight secure in affluence and safe in power-must not now turn from the needs of their neighbors. Our party and our Nation will continue to extend the hand of compassion and the hand of affection and love to the old and the sick and the hungry. For who among us dares to betray the command: "Thou shalt open thine hand--unto thy brother, to thy poor, and to thy needy, in thy land." * The needs that we seek to fill, the hopes that we seek to realize, are not our needs, our hopes alone. They are the needs and hopes of most of the people. '''Most Americans want medical care for older citizens. And so do I. Most Americans want fair and stable prices and decent incomes for our farmers. And so do I. Most Americans want a decent home in a decent neighborhood for all. And so do I. Most Americans want an education for every child to the limit of his ability. And so do I. Most Americans want a job for every man who wants to work. And so do I. Most Americans want victory in our war against poverty. And so do I. Most Americans want continually expanding and growing prosperity. And so do I. These are your goals. These are our goals. These are the goals and will be the achievements of the Democratic Party. These are the goals of this great, rich Nation. These are the goals toward which I will lead, if the American people choose to follow.''' * '''For 30 years, year by year, step by step, vote by vote, men of both parties have built a solid foundation for our present prosperity. Too many have worked too long and too hard to see this threatened now by policies which promise to undo all that we have done together over all these years. I believe most of the men and women in this hall tonight, and I believe most Americans, understand that to reach our goals in our own land, we must work for peace among all lands. America's cause is still the cause of all mankind.''' * Since 1961, under the leadership of that great President, John F. Kennedy, we have carried out the greatest peacetime buildup of national strength of any nation at any time in the history of the world. I report tonight that we have spent $30 billion more on preparing this Nation in the 4 years of the Kennedy administration than would have been spent if we had followed the appropriations of the last year of the previous administration. I report tonight as President of the United States and as Commander in Chief of the Armed Forces on the strength of your country, and I tell you that it is greater than any adversary. I assure you that it is greater than the combined might of all the nations, in all the wars, in all the history of this planet. And I report our superiority is growing. * '''Weapons do not make peace. Men make peace. And peace comes not through strength alone, but through wisdom and patience and restraint.''' And these qualities under the leadership of President Kennedy brought a treaty banning nuclear tests in the atmosphere. And a hundred other nations in the world joined us. Other agreements were reached and other steps were taken. And their single guide was to lessen the danger to men without increasing the danger to freedom. Their single purpose was peace in the world. And as a result of these policies, the world tonight knows where we stand and our allies know where we stand, too. And our adversaries have learned again that we will never waver in the defense of freedom. The true courage of this nuclear age lies in the quest for peace. There is no place in today's world for weakness. But there is also no place in today's world for recklessness. We cannot act rashly with the nuclear weapons that could destroy us all. The only course is to press with all our mind and all our will to make sure, doubly sure, that these weapons are never really used at all. This is a dangerous and a difficult world in which we live tonight. I promise no easy answers. But I do promise this. I pledge the firmness to defend freedom, the strength to support that firmness, and a constant, patient effort to move the world toward peace instead of war. And here at home one of our greatest responsibilities is to assure fair play for all of our people. * Every American has the right to be treated as a person. He should be able to find a job. He should be able to educate his children, he should be able to vote in elections and he should be judged on his merits as a person. Well, this is the fixed policy and the fixed determination of the Democratic Party and the United States of America. So long as I am your President I intend to carry out what the Constitution demands--and justice requires--equal justice under law for all Americans. We cannot and we will not allow this great purpose to be endangered by reckless acts of violence. Those who break the law--those who create disorder--whether in the North or the South--must be caught and must be brought to justice. And I believe that every man and woman in this room tonight join me in saying that in every part of this country the law must be respected and violence must be stopped. And wherever a local officer seeks help or Federal law is broken, I have pledged and I will use the full resources of the Federal Government. * '''Let no one tell you that he can hold back progress and at the same time keep the peace. This is a false and empty promise. To stand in the way of orderly progress is to encourage violence. And I say tonight to those who wish us well--and to those who wish us ill--the growing forces in this country are the forces of common human decency, and not the forces of bigotry and fear and smear. Our problems are many and are great. But our opportunities are even greater.''' * I ask the American people for a mandate--not to preside over a finished program--not just to keep things going, I ask the American people for a mandate to begin. This Nation--this generation--in this hour, has man's first chance to build the Great Society--a place where the meaning of man's life matches the marvels of man's labor. We seek a nation where every man can find reward in work and satisfaction in the use of his talents. We seek a nation where every man can seek knowledge, and touch beauty, and rejoice in the closeness of family and community. We seek a nation where every man can, in the words of our oldest promise, follow the pursuit of happiness--not just security-but achievements and excellence and fulfillment of the spirit. So let us join together in this great task. Will you join me tonight in rebuilding our cities to make them a decent place for our children to live in? Will you join me tonight in starting a program that will protect the beauty of our land and the air that we breathe? Won't you join me tonight in starting a program that will give every child education of the highest quality that he can take? * So let us join together in giving every American the fullest life which he can hope for. For the ultimate test of our civilization, the ultimate test of our faithfulness to our past, is not in our goods and is not in our guns. It is in the quality--the quality of our people's lives and in the men and women that we produce. This goal can be ours. We have the resources; we have the knowledge. But tonight we must seek the courage. * Because tonight the contest is the same that we have faced at every turning point in history. It is not between [[Liberalism|liberals]] and [[Conservatism|conservatives]], it is not between party and party, or platform and platform. It is between courage and timidity. It is between those who have vision and those who see what can be, and those who want only to maintain the status quo. It is between those who welcome the future and those who turn away from its promises. This is the true cause of freedom. The man who is hungry, who cannot find work or educate his children, who is bowed by want--that man is not fully free. '''For more than 30 years, from social security to the war against poverty, we have diligently worked to enlarge the freedom of man. And as a result, Americans tonight are freer to live as they want to live, to pursue their ambitions, to meet their desires, to raise their families than at any time in all of our glorious history. And every American knows in his heart that this is right.''' * I am determined in all the time that is mine to use all the talents that I have for bringing this great, lovable land, this great Nation of ours, together--together in greater unity in pursuit of this common purpose. I truly believe that we someday will see an America that knows no North or South, no East or West--an America that is undivided by creed or color, and untorn by suspicion or strife. The [[Founding Fathers of the United States|Founding Fathers]] dreamed America before it was. The pioneers dreamed of great cities on the wilderness that they crossed. Our tomorrow is on its way. It can be a shape of darkness or it can be a thing of beauty. The choice is ours, it is yours, for it will be the dream that we dare to dream. I know what kind of a dream [[Franklin D. Roosevelt|Franklin Delano Roosevelt]] and [[Harry S. Truman]] and John F. Kennedy would dream if they were here tonight. And I think that I know what kind of a dream you want to dream. * '''Tonight we of the Democratic Party confidently go before the people offering answers, not retreat; offering unity, not division; offering hope, not fear or smear. We do offer the people a choice, a choice of continuing on the courageous and the compassionate course that has made this Nation the strongest and the freest and the most prosperous and the most peaceful nation in the history of mankind. To those who have sought to divide us they have only helped to unite us. To those who would provoke us we have turned the other cheek. So as we conclude our labors, let us tomorrow turn to our new task. Let us be on our way!''' ==== Control of Nuclear Weapons (September 1964) ==== :<small>President Johnson's address at a dinner in the Olympic Hotel. (September 16, 1964). Source: [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/remarks-seattle-the-control-nuclear-weapons Remarks in Seattle on the Control of Nuclear Weapons, The American Presidency Project.]</small> * '''Nineteen years ago President [[Harry S. Truman|Truman]] announced "the force from which the sun draws its power has been loosed." In a single, fiery flash the world as we had known it was forever changed. Into our hands had come much of the responsibility for the life of freedom, for the life of our civilization, and for the life of man on this planet. And the realities of atomic power placed much of that burden in the hands of the President of the United States.''' * Let no one think atomic weapons are simply bigger and more destructive than other weapons; that they are just another development like the airplane or the tank. The total number of Americans killed in battle from the Revolution until tonight is a little over 526,000 people. Today a single nuclear weapon can kill more than 526,000. Our experts tell us as of today that a full-scale nuclear exchange between the East and the West would kill almost 300 million people around the world, and in the midst of that terror and tragedy we could expect that weapon after weapon would soon engulf a portion of mankind. A cloud of deadly radiation would drift and destroy, menacing every living thing on God's earth, and in those unimaginable hours unborn generations would forever be lamed. * '''Now, in the face of these facts, every American President has drawn the same conclusion: President Harry Truman said: "Such a war is not a possible policy for rational man." President Eisenhower said: "In a nuclear war, there can be no victory--only losers." President Kennedy said: "Total war makes no sense .... " And I say that we must learn to live with each other or we will destroy each other.''' * Many forces have converged to make the modern world. Atomic power is very high among those forces, but what has the atomic age meant for those of us who have come here to this dinner tonight? It means, I think, that we have a unique responsibility, unique in history, for the defense of freedom. Our nuclear power alone has deterred Soviet aggression. Under the shadow of our strength, our friends have kept their freedom and have built their nations. It means that we can no longer wait for the tides of conflict to touch our shores. It means that great powers can never again delude themselves into thinking that war will be painless or that victory will be easy. Thus, atomic power creates urgent pressure for peaceful settlements, and for the strengthening of the United Nations. It means a change must come in the life of nations. Man has fought since time began, and now it has become clear that the consequences of conflict are greater than any gain, and man just simply must change if man is to survive. For Americans, it means that control over nuclear weapons must be centralized in the hands of the highest and the most responsible officer of government--the President of the United States. He, alone, has been chosen by all the people to lead all the Nation. He, alone, is the constitutional Commander in Chief of the Nation. On his prudence and wisdom alone can rest the decision which can alter or destroy the Nation. * The responsibility for the control of U.S. nuclear weapons rests solely with the President, who exercises the control of their use in all foreseeable circumstances. This has been the case since 1945, under four Presidents. It will continue to be the case as long as I am President of the United States. In this atomic age we have always been required to show restraint as well as strength. At moments of decisive tests, our nuclear power has been essential. But we have never rattled our rockets or come carelessly to the edge of war. * Each of the great conflicts of this century has begun when nations wrongly thought others would shrink before their might. As I and my predecessors have said, we may have to use nuclear weapons to defend American freedom, but I will never let slip the engines of destruction because of a reckless and rash miscalculation about our adversaries. '''We have worked consistently to bring nuclear weapons under careful control, and to lessen the danger of nuclear conflict. And this policy has been the policy of the United States of America for more than 19 years now, under both Democratic and Republican administrations. And this will continue to be the policy of the United States of America.''' * First, we have worked to avoid war by accident or miscalculation. I believe the American people should know the steps that we have taken to eliminate the danger of accidental attack by our strategic forces, and I am going to talk about that tonight. The release of nuclear weapons would come by Presidential decision alone. Complex codes and electronic devices prevent any unauthorized action. Every further step along the way--from decision to destruction--is governed by the two-man rule. Two or more men must act independently and must decide the order has been given. They must independently take action. An elaborate system of checks and counter-checks, procedural and mechanical, guard against any unauthorized nuclear bursts. In addition, since 1961 we have placed permissive action links on several of our weapons. These are electromechanical locks which must be opened by secret combination before any action at all is possible, and we are extending this system. '''The American people and all the world can rest assured that we have taken every step that man can devise to insure that neither a madman nor a malfunction could ever trigger nuclear war.''' * We have also worked to avoid war by miscalculation. There may be little time for decision between our first warning and our need to reply. If our weapons could be easily destroyed, we would have to make the final decision in a matter of minutes. By protecting our power against surprise attack, we give ourselves more time to confirm that war has actually begun. Thus, we have placed missiles in protected, underground sites. We have placed missiles beneath the seas. And we have provided constant and secure communication between strategic forces and the Commander in Chief, the President of the United States. * '''I do not want us to fight a war that no one ever meant to begin.''' We have worked to limit the spread of nuclear weapons. The dignity and the interest of our allies demands that they share nuclear responsibility, and we have proposed such measures. The secrets of the atom are known to many people. No single nation can forever prevent their use. If effective arms control is not achieved, we may see the day when these frightful, fearful weapons are in the hands of many nations. Their concern and capacity for control may be more limited than our own. So our work against nuclear spread must go on. * As President, I ordered a cutback of unnecessary nuclear production, and this year we submitted several major new proposals to the disarmament conference in Geneva. I will pursue with vigor all of those proposals. These are only first steps. But they point the way toward the ultimate elimination of ultimate destruction. So long as I am your President, I intend to follow that course with all the patience at my command. In these ways, for 19 dangerous years, my 3 predecessors have acted to insure the survival of the Nation, to insure survival of our freedom, and to insure survival of our race. That will always be my policy and this is the wish of the people of the United States. * Conflict among nations will trouble this planet and will test our patience for a long time to come. And as long as weapons are necessary, wisdom in their control is going to be needed. The man who guides them holds in his hands the hopes of survival for the entire world. As I exercise my cares every day and every night, I often think of those who have just begun and those who are yet unborn. I want them to have a chance. With all my power, and all the aid the good Lord offers me, I will help give them that chance. And I think so will all of you. ==== International Union of Electrical Workers Convention (September 1964) ==== :<small>President Johnson's address at the Statler Hilton Hotel. (September 23, 1964). Source: [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/remarks-the-annual-convention-the-international-union-electrical-workers Remarks at the Annual Convention of the International Union of Electrical Workers, The American Presidency Project.]</small> [[File:22 - LeviEshkol&LyndonJohnson@WhiteHouse (retouched).jpg|thumb|If the challenge is loud, the call of duty is clear. We are called upon to stand up and be counted, for we have a duty, we have a clear and a compelling duty, to make it clear that America has not fallen and will not fall into the hands of extremists of any stripe.]] * Americans are not presented with a choice of parties. Americans are not presented with a choice of [[liberalism]] and [[conservatism]]. Americans are faced with a concerted bid for power by factions which oppose all that both parties have supported. It is a choice between the center and the fringe, between the responsible mainstream of American experience and the reckless and rejected extremes of American life. '''If the challenge is loud, the call of duty is clear. We are called upon to stand up and be counted, for we have a duty, we have a clear and a compelling duty, to make it clear that America has not fallen and will not fall into the hands of extremists of any stripe.''' * A nation so strong and free as ours can tolerate the widest diversity of opinion and belief, and it actually can be made stronger by full and responsible discussion. But there come times when men must turn and stand against those factions and factions who would lead the people to believe that the road to individual freedom is, in reality, a road to collective serfdom. This generation of Americans must not be deceived. The success of our system must not be mocked. The factions which bid for power over your lives and the lives of your children, and over the control of your government, bear many names, they wear many masks, they espouse many causes. But they are united today--as they have been united for 30 years--by the determination that your country shall not provide for the general welfare of its citizens. They may talk of changing the world, but what they mean to change is America first. * Before Viet-Nam was a name, before the [[Democratic Republic of the Congo|Congo]] was a map, before there was a NATO or a nuclear weapon these factions were working here at home--working against [[Minimum wage|minimum wages]], working against the 40-hour week, working against social security, working against labor's rights, working against the TVA and the REA, working against slum clearance and public works, working against the [[United Nations]] and the nuclear test ban, working against the Alliance for Progress, working against aid to our neighbors in the world. Yes, that is where they stood three decades ago, and that is where they stand today. That is where the line is really drawn in America in this election year. These factions despise the word "[[democracy]]," dislike the word "[[equality]]," and they distrust the word "[[peace]]." They would now reduce the word "compassion" to a whisper, and they would have us mention it only in apology. [[File:Lyndon B. Johnson on telephone January 10, 1964 - LBJ Museum W375-14 (cropped1).jpg|thumb|So long as I am President, I intend to honor the mandate of the Constitution that I am sworn to uphold. I intend to see that this Government, as the servant of this great people, "provides for the general welfare."]] * '''So long as I am President, I intend to honor the mandate of the Constitution that I am sworn to uphold. I intend to see that this Government, as the servant of this great people, "provides for the general welfare."''' Welfare is an old and honored work of our system. One of the first acts of the first Congress, under President [[George Washington|Washington]], was to provide pensions for invalid soldiers. Under [[John Adams]] what was to become the Public Health Service was established. President [[Abraham Lincoln]] proposed the first assistance for widows and children. President [[Theodore Roosevelt]] called the first White House Conference on Care of Dependent Children. It was President [[William Howard Taft]] who first established the Children's Bureau. These were works of compassion, triumphs of justice. But there are factions today which condemn social justice as the work of those that were bent on centralizing power in Washington. They forget their history, and they betray their ignorance of the American people. * This generation of Americans rejects the answer of a welfare state for our free society. We reject the regimentation and the stifling of incentive and the limiting of reward. We reject the idea of government decreeing who shall work and where they shall work, or where they and their families shall live. Here in America we know there is for us a better way. We have fashioned in our years a good society. We shall, in the years to come, dedicate ourselves to making it great. The object of all we do is to give our people a fair start or a new start in the race of life, whatever lot they are born to, whatever fate may befall them. * America must keep her trust with her senior citizens. We must let them provide for their hospital care and nursing home care through social security. We must concern ourselves with the level of their income. We must attack the problem of their housing, which is too often inadequate and too often takes more than half of their income. But America must keep her trust with her children, because in 6 more years there will be 10 million more young Americans--10 million more between the ages of 5 and 17, 5 million more between 18 and 21, and here again we must be concerned with the level of income on which many are supported. We must make sure that they can meet their health needs. We must act in every way to strengthen the life of their families. We must make sure that every boy and girl in America has all the education that they can use. We must be concerned with the nearly 2 million juveniles who get into trouble each year with the law. We must focus our concern on the causes of their troubles, not only on the youths themselves. * Yes, to you good members of this honorable and responsible union there is work for you to do, for us to do--work to build this good society better, work to make this strong country the foundation of a great and a compassionate civilization. This is the American way of life, and this is the way that is under attack today from the fringe and from the extremes. I call upon you, here and now, to begin this hour to start fighting in order to save it. Our directions and our destiny must not be placed in the hands of those who would steer a reckless and a callous course. We must be guided not by those whose compass points backward, but by those whose eye and hearts are fixed on the stars that lead us forward. We have no time for arrogance or belligerence. We have no time for callousness on contempt, either in the policies of our Nation or in the hearts of our leaders. Our duty, our opportunity, is to fulfill the rights of all men all over our land, not only because we shall be judged more by what we do at home than what we preach abroad, but because it is right. * '''You must follow a course of compassion and courage. You must love thy neighbor as thyself, and you must try to point the way, and to lift up the weak so that he, too, may be strong. Yes, you must point a course of courage in these trying times when smear and fear and intolerance are abroad in the land, the same courage that brought this Nation into existence, the same courage that held this Union together. The same courage that crossed the oceans on two occasions in our lifetime to preserve freedom in the world was never needed more than it is needed today. Unless I miss my guess, it has never been possessed to a greater degree than it is possessed today in the souls of each of you who sit in this room.''' Yes, we know not what the future may bring. We know not how we may be led. We know not what may be God's will. But His course is to do justice, to love mercy, and to walk humbly. I would like to feel, as I leave this room and return to the lonely acres that are surrounded by a big, black, iron fence, that whatever I do, wherever I go, wherever my decisions may lead us, I will have your prayers and your support. ==== Alfred E. Smith Memorial Foundation Annual Dinner (October 1964) ==== :<small>President Johnson's address to the Alfred E. Smith Memorial Foundation. (October 14, 1964). Source: [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/remarks-new-york-city-the-annual-dinner-the-alfred-e-smith-memorial-foundation Remarks in New York City at the Annual Dinner of the Alfred E. Smith Memorial Foundation, The American Presidency Project.]</small> * It is a source of great pride to be invited by His Eminence [[w:Francis_Spellman|Francis Cardinal Spellman]] to participate in this dinner in honor of one of America's greatest men--[[w:Alfred_E._Smith|Alfred E. Smith]]. I am particularly proud to say that in 1928, although I was not old enough to vote, I campaigned for his election to the Presidency of the United States. And it is with the deepest pride that I participated in helping our late beloved President, [[John F. Kennedy|John Fitzgerald Kennedy]], prove to the world that there are no religious bars to the highest office in our land. And what I say to you tonight represents what I believe Al Smith would have endorsed had he been here tonight, because he was a man of true compassion. * I was delighted to be welcomed back to the great [[w:State_of_New_York|State of New York]] by my old friend, the affable Governor of this State. I gather that he does not share some of his colleagues' views on [[immigration]], or perhaps we are still free at least to emigrate between the States! In any event, I always find it a source of strength to come to this, the leading city in America, this, the melting pot of our country. Here I get inspiration and stimulation. * America's policies toward the world have been carefully built through the years by the leaders of both parties. We will continue to follow this course because it has brought us a hopeful world. '''We are, and we will remain, the strongest nation on earth. We are, and we will always be, ready to defend freedom anywhere.''' Strength and courage are essential, but they are like the fuel in an airplane. You can't go without it. But neither will it take you where you want to go. For that you need a sense of direction, caution in the cockpit, and an experienced pilot. But strength is not enough. Other nations feared the might of [[Adolf Hitler|Hitler]], but they would not follow him. They will not associate themselves with us just because of our bombs or our missiles or our factories. We have learned that to deal with the world it must be seen in all of its fantastic complexities. * '''Almost all general statements about the world are wrong. They are not necessarily false; they seem to me just to be inadequate.''' It is true, for example, that [[communism]] is a deadly danger, but [[Russia]] is a different kind of danger from [[Yugoslavia]]. A small Communist Party in [[Africa]] is a different danger from the Government of Red China. These different dangers require different policies and different actions, and different replies. As President, I have no special gift or prophecy. But I do have a special perspective, and a very special responsibility to anticipate the dangers and the opportunities of the future. * First, we will work to make the greatness of our institutions match the grandeur of our intentions. I intend to do even more to attract the best minds and the most brilliant talents to our foreign operations, regardless of background or race or party. I want, also, to bring more young people to the conduct of foreign policy. This is the first generation to come of age in an outward looking America. It is a concerned generation. Its members are our greatest asset. We intend to encourage them and to give them early responsibility. This will be the first order of our business. Beyond the association of the West is the association of the world. I do not intend to withdraw from the United Nations. I do not intend to weaken it. I intend to do everything I can to strengthen it. * A second field of danger and opportunity is in our confrontation with Russia and Communist China. Today there is no longer one cold war; there are many. They differ in temperature, intensity, and danger. Our relations with the [[Soviet Union]] have come a long way since shoes were banged on desks here in [[New York City|New York]] and a summit meeting collapsed in Paris. In Asia there is a different prospect. The final outcome will depend on the will of the Asian people. But as long as they turn to us for help, we will be there. We will not and we must not permit the great civilizations of the East--almost half of the people of all the world--to be swallowed up in Communist conquest. In [[Vietnam|Viet-Nam]] we believe that, with our help, the people of South Viet-Nam can defeat Communist aggression. We will continue to act on this belief without recklessness and without retreat. * A third field of opportunity and danger is our relation to the developing world. I do not believe that our island of abundance will be finally secure in a sea of despair and unrest or in a world where even the oppressed may one day have access to the engines of modern destruction. Moreover, there is a great moral principle at stake. It is not right in a world of such infinite possibilities that children should die of hunger, that young people should live in ignorance, that men should be crippled by disease, that families should live in misery, shrouded in despair. I will propose steps to use the food and agricultural skills of the entire West in a joint effort to eliminate hunger and starvation. We will seek ways to stabilize the prices of the tropical commodities which are the life blood of many economies. I will press for prompt execution of the worldwide coffee agreement, and seek action for other products. We will give our support most of all to those governments whose efforts are directed toward the welfare of all their people and not just a privileged few. We will always give first attention to our close friendship with the people of [[Latin America]]. * '''You and every citizen of this land can be proud of the role that we have played over the past 20 years. None has ever given of itself so freely to the needs and the protection of others as the United States of America. Of course, we acted out of enlightened self-interest. We are a nation responsible to our people. But the pages of history can be searched in vain for another power whose pursuit of that self-interest was so infused with grandeur of spirit and morality of purpose. We have done this because this is the kind of people we are, and this is the kind of a country that we have built. We have done this because we have never believed the complexity of human experience could be bound in an iron cloak of dogma.''' * All of us who live today are also a race to be envied. These next decades can set the course of the world for a thousand years or more. There is much danger. But there is also the joy of great expectations. We are not in the grip of history. We are the makers of history. We have the power and the faith to forge on the anvil of the world an age tempered to the hopes of man. How fortunate we are to live at such a time, with such a belief, in such a young and resistless land. So come with me into that uncertain day already touched with dawn. ==== Chicago Stadium speech (October 1964) ==== :<small>President Johnson's address at the Chicago Stadium. (October 30, 1964). Source: [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/remarks-the-chicago-stadium Remarks at the Chicago Stadium, The American Presidency Project.]</small> * '''Nobody in this world can put on a political parade and a political rally like that great executive Dick Daley of Chicago. He makes it so much fun being a Democrat that you don't see how anybody could be anything else. I think he is one of the greatest political leaders in all the world.''' * We will win this election. But we will know that the voters of this country have not written a blank check; that there are differences which remain, and those differences must be honored. And they will be honored. But these things have been made clear: We have been settling for too little in this country. We are going to raise our sights. We are going to see that every American child has an equal chance at the fullest education that child can use. We have been educating most of our children. Now we are going to educate those who need it most. We have declared war on poverty, and we mean all-out war. Abraham Lincoln, a product of [[Illinois]], abolished slavery 100 years ago. And now the Democratic Party adopts as its program the abolishment of poverty in this land. Prosperity for four out of five is not enough. * We will mean what we say from here on about full employment. '''We will have a government that doesn't waste a penny doing what is foolish, but doesn't waste a minute doing what is wise.''' * The one overriding obligation of a leader of this democracy is to find or to forge a united policy for peace. I mean that tonight, and I will mean it tomorrow just as I meant it in 1960. There was a Republican President, [[Dwight Eisenhower]], then, and I was the Democratic leader in the Senate. On [[Foreign policy of the United States|foreign policy]] matters I voted with that Republican President 96 percent of the time. And in this campaign now, we are against another man who was in that same Senate and who voted on those same issues against that same Republican President 76 percent of the time. So the Democrat voted with the President 96 percent of the time and the present Republican nominee voted against him 76 percent of the time. I am proud to ask my Nation's trust in the continued building of its bipartisan foreign policy. But even here there must be no blank check. So I state my understanding: It is that Americans, almost as one, agree that to keep the peace we must be so strong of arm and arms that none anywhere can doubt that strength. * '''World peace depends upon reason, on restraint, on negotiation, and on responsibility. We must move forward on many fronts. We must continue to strengthen the United Nations. We must strengthen and expand the Peace Corps. We must build new bridges, new bridges to the friendly peoples of [[Eastern Europe]]. We must, most of all, take this world out from under the shadow of a poisonous toadstool cloud. We want our children to say that this was the generation that [[w:nuclear_fission|split the atom]], and this was the generation that united all men in peace. We are a powerful nation, but we are humble before our God. We believe that man has made his own problems, but that man can solve them.''' * '''So we tonight, assembled here, pledge ourselves to democracy's greatest tradition, the New Freedom of [[Woodrow Wilson|Wilson]], the [[New Deal]] of [[Franklin D. Roosevelt|Roosevelt]], the Fair Deal of [[Harry S. Truman]], the New America and the New Frontier of [[John F. Kennedy|John Fitzgerald Kennedy]], and after Tuesday, November 3d, the Great Society of Lyndon Johnson and [[Hubert Humphrey]]. These are not campaign slogans. These are the beating pulse of the greatest political party in this country. They are the heart-beat of a Nation that is looking up at the stars and eager for tomorrow's dawn.''' ==== Madison Square Garden speech (October 1964) ==== :<small>President Johnson's campaign address at Madison Square Garden in New York City. (October 31, 1964). Source: [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/remarks-madison-square-garden Remarks in Madison Square Garden, The American Presidency Project.]</small> * I have come to New York in the final hours of this campaign. I come to say to you once again that your President will need your prayers and your President will need your support, and your President will also need Democratic Congressmen in the House and [[Robert F. Kennedy|Bob Kennedy]] in the Senate. I don't have to tell you of Bob Kennedy's talents or his energy or his great [[patriotism]]. He has demonstrated this in ways and actions that are far beyond my inadequate description, but it seems to me--it seems to me that this great State, symbolizing America and its ancestors, ought to have, and deserves to have, at least one Democratic Senator. So help your country, help your President, help your State. Work hard, vote early, and send to Washington a full delegation of Democratic Congressmen and send Bob Kennedy to the Senate where he can continue to work with [[Hubert Humphrey]] and work with me for the people of New York. * This is the last chapter in a great tradition. This is the last presidential campaign to reach its climax in this arena. But it is the continuation of another tradition, for here we end a campaign which will see the American people choose the leadership of the Democratic Party. And won't that be a wonderful day for all the country? [[File:John_F._Kennedy_campaigning_in_Florida_1960.jpg|thumb|Four years ago I came here one night with [[John F. Kennedy|John Fitzgerald Kennedy]], and he promised you that we would get America moving again. We have fulfilled that pledge.]] * '''Four years ago I came here one night with [[John F. Kennedy|John Fitzgerald Kennedy]], and he promised you that we would get America moving again. We have fulfilled that pledge. In fact, this administration has passed more legislation, has made more progress, has fulfilled more promises than any administration since the New Deal of [[Franklin D. Roosevelt|Franklin Delano Roosevelt]].''' I came up here to New York tonight to tell you that we have just begun. We are going to keep moving forward. We are going to keep moving forward with the leadership and the support of the great State of New York. '''The leaders of New York have always believed in the future. When I first came into the White House, I moved a desk into my office which had been used by one of the towering figures of American history, Franklin D. Roosevelt of the State of New York. I was so happy to greet his great manager, that ever youthful [[w:James_Farley|Jim Farley]], who came up on the platform a few minutes ago. And now whenever I feel that I have done a good day's work, whenever I feel that I have really accomplished something, I look at that desk and then I go back to work because I know I have only begun.''' * Franklin Roosevelt once said, "Too many who prate about saving democracy are really only interested in saving things as they were. Democracy should concern itself also with things as they should be." '''So in this campaign we face those who are interested in destroying things as they are. These fellows are not conservatives in the American tradition. They are just interested in tearing down institutions, not in preserving them. They are dedicated to [[Extremism|extreme ideas]], not to old values. They advocate aggressive interference with other nations, not increased reliance on others to order their own affairs. This is not a conservative philosophy. This is not even a [[Republican Party (United States)|Republican]] philosophy. This is not a philosophy ever embraced by any major American leader. "Conservative" may be written on their banner and in their books, but "radical" is in their hearts.''' * We were promised this time that the American people would be offered a choice and not an echo. This was to be a debate about basic principles. And here, tonight, we are in the closing days of this campaign, and what do we hear? We hear not philosophy, but mudslinging; not ideas, but smears and scandal; not programs, but the old worn-out slogans of an old worn-out effort, written by the same old worn-out man trying to frighten the American people. Well, I don't think you are going to let it work. Are you? I think I can tell you why they are doing it. They found out that the American people would overwhelmingly reject their ideas, would reject their programs. They found out that the great silent vote was a myth. They discovered that the revolution of the extremist was a dying ember. '''They ran smack into the solid, good sense of the American people. They discovered, as far as the American people are concerned: extremism in the pursuit of the Presidency is an unpardonable vice, and moderation in the affairs of the Nation is the highest virtue. They are going to learn their final lesson on next Tuesday night.''' * New York has had many great leaders. One of them has an important meaning for this campaign--that great American Al Smith. When he received the presidential nomination, he said he would follow the principles of [[Woodrow Wilson]]: "First, the people as the source, and their interests and desires, as the text, of law and government. Second, individual liberty as the objective of all law." '''Well, today there are those who call upon us to abandon our historic principles under the pretense of pursuing that individual liberty which Al Smith prized so highly. And yet, time and time again, they themselves have struck at the foundation of our American freedom. They call for freedom and then they attack the courts which protect that freedom. They call for freedom and they would strip away the rights of those accused of crime, rights developed over centuries to protect against arbitrary power. They call for freedom and yet accuse their opponents of being soft on communism or even worse, branding as heretics or traitors all those who ever disagree with them. They call for freedom and they attack our religious leaders for trying to exercise their ancient responsibility--as clergymen and citizens--to guide people in the course of life. But worst of all, they call for freedom and yet they help create the atmosphere of hate and fear and suspicion in which individual liberty faces its maximum danger.''' [[File:Lyndon B. Johnson waving to crowd.tif|thumb|This Nation, this people, this generation, has man's first opportunity to create the Great Society. It can be a society of success without squalor, beauty without barrenness, works of genius without the wretchedness of poverty. We can open the doors of learning, of fruitful labor and rewarding leisure, not just to the privileged few, but we can open them to everyone.]] * We are going to take another course. We are going to work to enlarge the freedom of the American people, and we have the capacity to do that on a scale that is greater than ever before in the history of man. Our first task is to complete the work of the last 30 years. So we will work to give every citizen an equal chance to hold a job, to vote, to educate his children, to enjoy all the blessings of liberty, whatever his color, his religion, or his race. Will you stand with me on that? We will work to eliminate the conditions which chain men to hopeless poverty, and in this way to eliminate poverty in America. One hundred years ago Abraham Lincoln abolished slavery. Tonight, the Democratic Party pledges itself to [[Poverty reduction|abolish poverty]] in this land. We will work to protect the old and feed the hungry, and care for the helpless. Will you stand with me on that? But this is just the beginning. We are rich and we are powerful, but that is not enough. We must turn our wealth and our power to a larger purpose. Even the greatest of past civilizations existed on the exploitation of the many. '''This Nation, this people, this generation, has man's first opportunity to create the Great Society. It can be a society of success without squalor, beauty without barrenness, works of genius without the wretchedness of poverty. We can open the doors of learning, of fruitful labor and rewarding leisure, not just to the privileged few, but we can open them to everyone.''' * These goals cannot be measured by the size of our bank balance. They can only be measured in the quality of the lives that our people lead. Millions of Americans have achieved prosperity, and they have found prosperity alone is just not enough. They need a chance to seek knowledge and to touch beauty, to rejoice in achievement and in the closeness of family and community. And this is not an easy goal. It means ensuring the beauty of our fields and our streams and the air that we breathe. It means the education of the highest quality for every child in the land. It means making sure that machines liberate men instead of replacing them. It means reshaping and rebuilding our cities to make them safe and make them a decent place to live. Yes, it means all these things and more, much more. I have already assembled more than a dozen groups, the best minds of America, the greatest talent that I could find, to help get the answers to these problems that I have talked to you about tonight. For the first time in man's weary journey on this planet, an entire people has greatness almost within its grasp. This is the goal within our sight. This is your goal. This is America's goal. This is the goal to which I pledge that I will try to lead all of you. * I have taken a long journey from a tenant farm in [[w:West_Texas|West Texas]] to this platform in [[w:Madison_Square_Garden|Madison Square Garden]]. I have seen the barren fields of my youth bloom with harvest. I have seen despairing men made whole with enriching toil. I have seen America, my America, grow and change, and I have seen it become a leader among the nations of the world. In our early days, some thought that the Mississippi would be our final boundary. But farseeing Thomas Jefferson sent [[w:Lewis_and_Clark|his explorers]] across the continent and the American tide rolled after them. We, too, stand at the margin of decision. Ahead is the prospect of a shining nation of towering promise. Behind is a threatening tide of change and growth, of expanding population and exploding science. And there is only one way to go. The only way to preserve the values of the past is to meet the future. The path to progress stretches in front of us, not back along the way we came. And with the help of that Almighty God who has guided us whenever we have been true to Him, that is the way that we are going. ==== Election Day remarks (November 1964) ==== :<small>President Johnson's address at the Municipal Auditorium. (November 4, 1964). Source: [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/radio-and-television-remarks-the-american-people-the-close-election-day Radio and Television Remarks to the American People at the Close of Election Day, The American Presidency Project.]</small> * No words are adequate to really express the feeling of this occasion. Most of all, I wish to be equal to your confidence, and to the hopes of all of the people of America. We have voted as many, but tonight we must face the world as one. * I know that I was only one of many, because we had a group of outstanding candidates throughout the Nation, and we had men of independent views and men and women of both parties who put their country before their party. Now, tonight, our purpose must be to bind up our wounds, to heal our history, and to make this Nation whole. '''I know that this is more than a victory of party or person. It is a tribute to the program that was begun by our beloved President [[John F. Kennedy]]--a program that he carried on until he was taken from us.''' It is visible evidence of the work of a devoted and unselfish Cabinet, men like [[w:Dean_Rusk|Dean Rusk]], [[Robert McNamara|Bob McNamara]], and [[w:Douglas_Dillon|Douglas Dillon]], and all of the other members of the Cabinet and the independent agencies whose service has not been partisan, but has always been in the national interest. It is a tribute to the men and women of all parties in the Congress and the Nation. It reaffirms the achievements and the policies which have emerged over generations from common American principles. * It is a mandate for unity, for a government that serves no special interest, no business government, no labor government, no farm government, no one faction, no one group, but a government that is the servant of all the people. It will be a government that provides equal opportunity for all and special privilege for none. It is a command to build on those principles and to move forward toward peace and a better life for all of our people. So from this night forward, this is to be our work, and in these pursuits I promise the best that is in me for as long as I am permitted to serve. I ask all those who supported me and all those that opposed me to forget our differences, because there are many more things in America that unite us than divide us, and these are times when our Nation should forget our petty differences and stand united before all the world. * I would like to leave you tonight with the words of [[Abraham Lincoln]], as a century ago he left his friends and neighbors to become President of the United States. He said, "Without the assistance of that Divine Being who ever attended him, I cannot succeed. With that assistance I cannot fail .... To His care commending you, as I hope in your prayers you will commend me, I bid you an affectionate farewell." I do not know what happened in every hamlet or voting box in America today, but I think I discerned what happened in all America today. I doubt that there has ever been so many people seeing so many things alike on "decision" day. And with that understanding and with the help of all of them, we will be on our way to try to achieve peace in our time for our people and to try to keep our people prosperous. So to all of you that have gone this long road with me, particularly to the 'press and television people who have worked 18-hour days for many weeks now, I say I hope you have a good rest tomorrow. * And now I want to tell you that we have a great event in store for all of you: The happy warrior, the eloquent spokesman for the Democratic Party, the new Vice President of the United States, is arriving tomorrow at noon, and in his honor and in the honor of the men and women who traveled with us in this campaign, we are going to have a barbecue out on the banks of the Pedernales. I knew in Atlantic City that I had made the right recommendation to that convention so far as the Vice President was concerned, because I had observed him very closely ever since I became a Member of the Senate, but in the weeks that have followed that convention, I know even more that in my heart I was right. Hubert Humphrey left that convention with no orders and no instructions, and he traveled to 40 States and made no mistakes. Everywhere he went the people received him warmly and applauded his pronouncements. I predict that he, aided by his charming wife, Muriel, and their lovely family, will make one of the greatest Vice Presidents that this Nation has ever known. ==== Southwest Texas State College speech (November 1964) ==== :<small>President Johnson's address at Southwest Texas State College. (November 20, 1964). Source: [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/remarks-southwest-texas-state-college-san-marcos Remarks at Southwest Texas State College, San Marcos, The American Presidency Project.]</small> * '''I have traveled a long way from this college to the office that I now occupy. In few times, yes, in very few nations, in man's journey has it been possible for any man to travel such a road.''' In Washington I am surrounded by men who have come from every walk of life to the most responsible posts of government. For that is what your government really is. It is not a strange and alien power in a remote and menacing city. It is a banker from New York and a druggist from [[Minnesota]], the son of a tenant farmer from [[Texas]]. Some day it may very well be some of you. '''America has succeeded more than any other nation in the world in making it possible for a man to achieve whatever his ability would allow. The idea that man's only limitation would be his talent and intelligence, and his willingness to work, has been at the heart of the American dream, and for some of us it has come true.''' * Today we are at the edge of a new era of progress toward the American dream. It is an opportunity as large and as exciting as that granted to those who settled this continent. Our basic goal has not been changed, but the growth of our Nation, the progress of science and knowledge, the change in our way of life, makes it necessary to shape new tools to reach old goals. And by moving ahead only can we hope to preserve the values of the past. * First, we must strike down the barriers which limit the hopes and the achievements of some of our people. No person should be stifled and restricted because of his race, or the circumstances of his birth, or the lack of an adequate education, or because he comes from a poor home. Through our pursuit of equal opportunity, the war against poverty, we are going to change things in this country. Your own very able and popular Congressman is leading the way in that effort. The people of this area of [[Texas]] know the taste of poverty. For generations the adobe-caliche soil has yielded forth a harsh living to those who worked it in this area. We have come a long way since those days when I lived in the school garage here on the campus. Incidentally, I lived there 3 years before the business manager knew about it. And I don't think he ever would have if the coach hadn't told him that I was bathing in the gymnasium. But in that period, want and hunger were no strangers to San Marcos. The energy and the will of the people of this area have created a city of hope and fulfillment for many. But now we have an opportunity to unite in will and heart and spirit to bring a final end to poverty. Along with [[w:J.J._Pickle|Congressman Pickle]], [[Ralph Yarborough|Senator Yarborough]], and your distinguished [[John Connally|Governor Connally]], we propose that San Marcos be the first city in the entire Southwest to organize and to begin to fight the war against poverty. * The expansion of education is going to receive special emphasis in the budget that I am now preparing. We have one of our Cabinet officers, [[w:Stewart_Udall|Secretary Udall]], who wonders how much education is going to take from the resources that he is interested in, the conservation effort. But I am going to take him down here when we get through here this morning and do something that I had really never anticipated doing before: walk him from the campus to Riverside along the same route that I used to walk with a lovely blond, through the fish hatchery. I hope it will be as attractive to him as it was to me. * Next we must move to enlarge the horizons of all Americans, and this effort is what we will pursue in the Great Society. It is founded upon the idea that the ultimate test of any society is really the quality of the men and women that it produces, and the quality of the life that they are permitted to lead. These goals can never be measured in guns or statistics. They do not flow automatically from wealth or power. They must be made a careful, conscious objective, and they must be pursued with dedication and labor. And that we intend to do. Even the greatest of past societies were founded upon the exploitation and the misery of many. So we in beautiful America can be the first to enrich the quality of the life of all of our people. We do not make money just to build factories. Yes, we have the tools to do such a job. We make money to make it possible to enrich the lives of human beings. We are the richest and we are the most powerful nation on earth. Our knowledge and our insight into our own problems are growing daily. And now I believe today we can see our real goal. That goal is not an idle dream. And it is not a vague Utopia. It has concrete goals and it requires specific programs. Even as we meet here today, some of those programs are being prepared for my review. The one I just announced I reviewed on the helicopter coming down here this morning. These programs will attack the problems of making our cities a decent place to live in. They will seek to preserve the beauty of our land. They will strive to make it possible for every child born in this country to receive an education of the highest quality, to the full limit of his ability, no matter how poor he is, no matter where he lives, no matter which side of the tracks he was born on. It will do all these things and more, much more. It will not be a program for a hundred days or even a program for the next 4 years. It will point toward the year 2000. But it will provide the base on which America moves forward and builds. * Let there be no mistake. The objectives we seek will not be handed to you by a beneficent government. The work of a few men in Washington will not make life easier. No one man can lead this Nation, and you cannot sit idly by, quietly waiting for the day when someone else will make everything better for you. These goals are going to demand your effort and your work and your sacrifice, and the best from every American. It will mean that each of you must participate in the affairs of your community and your State and your Nation. It will require the help of government at every level, of labor and of business, of farmers and consumers. A President can lead and teach, and explore, and set goals. He can have his eyes in the stars, with a vision that will flow therefrom, and he can have his feet on the ground, with a solid foundation that we need. But no leader can make a people more than they are, or make them more than they really want to be. My success and America's success will depend on you. * It was a hundred years ago, in 1864, that Abraham Lincoln abolished slavery in this country. A hundred years later, here in the hills of home, we are inaugurating a movement to abolish poverty in this country. I rode on the train to Washington from where I opened my campaign here in San Marcos in 1937. A great President, a fearless leader, a man who preserved our Republic in its most challenging period, talked to me about the third of our land that were ill fed, ill clad, and ill housed, and he sought to do something about it. I had seen him stand in front of that Capitol only a few years before, when the banks were popping like firecrackers, when the farmers were burning their produce because they had no market to sell it in, and when soup lines were stretched around the corners of city blocks. But I saw him bring hope to a great Nation. He said, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." During his leadership and the leadership that followed under President Truman, President Eisenhower, and President Kennedy, we have reduced that one-third that were ill fed, ill clad, and ill housed, to one-fifth today. So we put on our robes and march forth to abolish that one-fifth who live on incomes of less than $3,000 a year. I know that those of you who have enjoyed the fruits of your own labors, and have been the beneficiaries of the leadership and the planning of others, like Dr. Evans and Dr. Flowers, are willing to reciprocate by helping those less fortunate. So I call upon every student of this institution and every graduate of this college, every faculty member, to pledge himself not to the Emancipation Proclamation that Lincoln signed a hundred years ago, or not to freeing the slaves, but, instead, to declaring a war and abolishing poverty in this land. * The great leadership that is being given this State now by your Governor, one of the ablest chief executives and one of the soundest leaders that we have known, was made possible because when he came from Floresville without a dollar in his pocket, he got an NYA job at 17 cents an hour--and he is now the chief executive of what was once the largest State in the Union. So the opportunity is here if you have the will and the leadership and the determination. I could think of no better epithet, I could think of no greater sense of satisfaction or achievement that could come to anyone than to have it said of him that he led this way in this noble undertaking. I believe and I know that you and all of my fellow Americans will be equal to this task. So let's be on our way. ==== John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts remarks (December 1964) ==== :<small>President Johnson's address at the ground-breaking ceremony for the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts. (December 2, 1964). Source: [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/remarks-the-ground-breaking-ceremony-for-the-john-f-kennedy-center-for-the-performing-arts Remarks at the Ground-Breaking Ceremony for the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts, The American Presidency Project.]</small> * John Kennedy once said, "I look forward to an America which will steadily raise the standards of artistic accomplishment and which will steadily enlarge cultural opportunities for all of our citizens." As I sat here on the platform this morning, I reviewed some of the efforts that were made as a result of his inspiring leadership to make possible the ground breaking that will take place here today. I recalled that we all met in the White House under the leadership of his mother-in-law, and we used the first house of this land one of the first times to raise funds to make this event possible. I remember going to Mrs. Post's home and meeting with patriotic and dedicated citizens who in their generosity were willing to come there and spend the evening to try to add their bit to this great effort. I recall the contribution of the Members of the Congress, and, through them, all the people of the United States who took the funds from the farmer and the laborer, the banker and the artist, to appropriate them so that we might be here today and participate as we are. * We are taking a very important step toward that dream that President and Mrs. Kennedy had, and to which most of you have contributed your bit. This center will brighten the life of Washington, but it is not, as I have said, just a Washington project. It is a national project and a national possession, and it became a reality, as General Kennedy has observed, because of the willingness of all the representatives of all the people to make it possible. It is dedicated to the common awareness of all men. It was conceived under the administration of President Eisenhower. It was inspired and encouraged and led by the imagination and the purpose of President Kennedy. And after his death, the Congress, realizing that, named it in his memory and generously, and I think wisely, provided the matching funds so that we could get on our way. * If it fulfills our hopes, this center will be, at once, a symbol and a reflection and a hope. It will symbolize our belief that the world of creation and thought are at the core of all civilization. Only recently in the White House we helped commemorate the 400th anniversary of [[William Shakespeare|Shakespeare]]. The political conflicts and ambitions of his [[England]] are known to the scholar and to the specialist. But his plays will forever move men in every corner of the world. The leaders that he wrote about live far more vividly in his words than in the almost forgotten facts of their own rule. Our civilization, too, will largely survive in the works of our creation. There is a quality in art which speaks across the gulf dividing man from man and nation from nation, and century from century. That quality confirms the faith that our common hopes may be more enduring than our conflicting hostilities. Even now men of affairs are struggling to catch up with the insights of great art. The stakes may well be the survival of civilization. The personal preferences of men in government are not important--except to themselves. However, it is important to know that the opportunity we give to the arts is a measure of the quality of our civilization. It is important to be aware that artistic activity can enrich the life of our people, which really is the central object of Government. It is important that our material prosperity liberate and not confine the creative spirit. * The role of Government must be a small one. No act of Congress or Executive order can call a great musician or poet into existence. But we can stand on the sidelines and cheer. We can maintain and strengthen an atmosphere to permit the arts to flourish, and those who have talent to use it. And we can seek to enlarge the access of all of our people to artistic creation. As a veteran of 24 years in the Congress, I am not a prophet but I do want to suggest to my friend, the new Senator from New York, he is in for listening to more poetry than he would surmise in some of the morning sessions of the Senate. * Last September, I signed a bill establishing the National Council on the Arts. Versions of this proposal had been under consideration since 1877. I intend to consider other ways in which Government can appropriately encourage the arts. I want to, as the leader of this country, express my personal gratitude to the persons on the platform with me, and particularly to the persons like Mrs. Auchincloss and others that I see in the audience, for the sacrifices in time and effort they have made to encourage, lead, and direct this effort. * This center will reflect the finest artistic achievements of our time. It is our hope that it will house the leading artists and performers. Almost every industrialized nation in the world, on both sides of the Iron Curtain, has one or more national centers for the arts. Washington has lagged behind. Far too often, American actors and singers and musicians must travel to foreign countries to even be heard. Now, because of President Kennedy's leadership and your efforts, they will have a stage here in the Capital of their own country. I expect this center to be a living force for the encouragement of art. Washington needs new theaters and new concert halls. But if that is all that we are building, we will have fallen far short of today's expectation and promise. * This center will have a unique opportunity to bring together worlds of poetry and power--and bring it to the benefit of each of us. It must give special attention to the young; to increasing their interest and stimulating their creativity. It can serve as a model and instructor to other cultural centers around our Nation. It should open up new opportunities to be heard to young singers and filmmakers and playwrights. It must take the lead in bringing the best in the performing arts to every part of our beloved and rich country; so that theater and opera are not the privilege of the lucky citizens of just a few metropolitan centers. Yes, this is our ambitious program. But so was the vision of the man in whose memory this center is today named. * [[Pericles]] said, "If [[Athens]] shall appear great to you, consider then that her glories were purchased by valiant men, and by men who learned their duty." As this center comes to reflect and advance the greatness of America, consider then those glories were purchased by a valiant leader who never swerved from duty--John Kennedy. And in his name I dedicate this site. ==== Special Message to the Congress on the State of the Nation's Defenses (January 1965) ==== :<small> Written document [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/special-message-the-congress-the-state-the-nations-defenses Lyndon B. Johnson: "Special Message to the Congress on the State of the Nation's Defenses" (January 18, 1965)] online at The American Presidency Project by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley</small> * One hundred seventy-five years ago, in his first Annual Message, President [[George Washington|Washington]] told the Congress: "Among the many interesting objects which will engage your attention that of providing for the common defense will merit particular regard. To be prepared for war is one of the most effectual means of preserving peace." For the Eighty-ninth Congress--as for the First Congress--those words of the first President remain a timely charge. In the twentieth year since the end of mankind's most tragic war you and I are beginning new terms of service. The danger of war remains ever with us. But if the hope of peace is sturdier than at any other time in these two decades, it is because we--and free men everywhere--have proved preparedness to be "the most effectual means of preserving peace." '''Arms alone cannot assure the security of any society or the preservation of any peace. The health and education of our people, the vitality of our economy, the equality of our justice, the vision and fulfillment of our aspirations are all factors in America's strength and well-being.''' * Today we can walk the road of peace because we have the strength we need. We have built that strength with courage. We have employed it with care. We have maintained it with conviction that the reward of our resolution will be peace and freedom. We covet no territory, we seek no dominion, we fear no nation, we despise no people. With our arms we seek to shelter the peace of mankind. In this spirit, then, I wish to consider with you the state of our defenses, the policies we pursue, and--as Commander in Chief-to offer recommendations on our course for the future. * Under our free and open society, the American people have succeeded in building a strength of arms greater than that ever assembled by any other nation and greater now than that of any combination of adversaries. This strength is not the handiwork of any one Administration. Our force in being and in place reflects the continuity and constancy of America's purpose under four Administrations and eight Congresses--and this responsible conduct of our system is, of itself, a source of meaningful strength. For the past four years, the focus of our national effort has been upon assuring an indisputable margin of superiority for our defenses. I can report today that effort has succeeded. Our strategic nuclear power on alert has increased three-fold in four years. Our tactical nuclear power has been greatly expanded. Our forces have been made as versatile as the threats to peace are various. Our Special Forces, trained for the undeclared, twilight wars of today have been expanded eight-fold. Our combat-ready Army divisions have been increased by 45 percent. Our Marine Corps has been increased by 15,000 men. Our airlift capacity to move these troops rapidly anywhere in the world has been doubled. Our tactical Air Force firepower to support these divisions in the field has increased 100 percent. This strength has been developed to support our basic military strategy--a strategy of strength and readiness, capable of countering aggression with appropriate force from ballistic missiles to guerrilla bands. * Our forces are balanced and ready, mobile and diverse. Our allies trust our strength and our adversaries respect it. But the challenge is unceasing. The forms of conflict become more subtle and more complex every day. We must--and we shall--adapt our forces and our tactics to fulfill our purposes. If our military strength is to be fully usable in times requiring adaptation and response to changing challenges, that strength must be so organized and so managed that it may be employed with planned precision as well as promptness. The state of our defenses is enhanced today because we have established an orderly system for informed decision-making and planning. Our planning and budgeting programs are now conducted on a continuing five-year basis and cover our total military requirements. Our national strategy, military force structure, contingency plans and defense budget are all now related in an integrated plan. Our orderly decision-making now combines our best military judgment with the most advanced scientific and analytical techniques. Our military policy under the Secretary of Defense is now more closely tied than ever to the conduct of foreign policy under the Secretary of State. Thus, we now have the ability to provide and maintain a balanced, flexible military force, capable of meeting the changing requirements of a constantly changing challenge. * Four years ago, President John F. Kennedy stated to the Congress and the world, "The primary purpose of our arms is peace, not war." That is still their purpose. We are armed, not for conquest, but to insure our own security and to encourage the settlement of international differences by peaceful processes. We are not a militaristic people, and we have long denounced the use of force in pursuit of national ambition. We seek to avoid a nuclear holocaust in which there can be neither victory nor victors. But we shall never again return to a world where peace-loving men must stand helpless in the path of those who, heedless of destruction and human suffering, take up war and oppression in pursuit of their own ambitions. * While confident that our present strength will continue to deter a thermonuclear war, we must always be alert to the possibilities for limiting destruction which might be inflicted upon our people, cities and industry--should such a war be forced upon us. Many proposals have been advanced for means of limiting damage and destruction to the United States in the event of a thermonuclear war. Shifting strategy and advancing technology make the program of building adequate defenses against nuclear attack extremely complex. Decisions with respect to further limitation of damage require complex calculations concerning the effectiveness of many interrelated elements. Any comprehensive program would involve the expenditure of tens of billions of dollars. We must not shrink from any expense that is justified by its effectiveness, but we must not hastily expend vast sums on massive programs that do not meet this test. It is already clear that without fall-out shelter protection for our citizens, all defense weapons lose much of their effectiveness in saving lives. This also appears to be the least expensive way of saving millions of lives, and the one which has clear value even without other systems. We will continue our existing programs and start a program to increase the total inventory of shelters through a survey of private homes and other small structures. We shall continue the research and development which retains the options to deploy an anti-ballistic missile system, and manned interceptors and surface-to-air missiles against bombers. * Our military forces must be so organized and directed that they can be used in a measured, controlled, and deliberate way as a versatile instrument to support our foreign policy. Military and civilian leaders alike are unanimous in their conviction that our armed might is and always must be so controlled as to permit measured response in whatever crises may confront us. We have made dramatic improvements in our ability to communicate with and command our forces, both at the national level and at the level of the theatre commanders. We have established a National Military Command System, with the most advanced electronic and communications equipment, to gather and present the military information necessary for top level management of crises and to assure the continuity of control through all levels of command. Its survival under attack is insured by a system of airborne, shipborne and other command posts, and a variety of alternative protected communications. We have developed and procured the Post Attack Command Control System of the Strategic Air Command, to assure continued control of our strategic forces following a nuclear attack. We have installed new safety procedures and systems designed to guarantee that our nuclear weapons are not used except at the direction of the highest national authority. This year we are requesting funds to extend similar improvements in the survivability and effectiveness of our command and control to other commands in our overseas theatres. * America will continue to be first in the use of science and technology to insure the security of its people. We are currently investing more than $6 billion per year for military Research and Development. Among other major developments, our investment has recently produced anti-satellite systems that can intercept and destroy armed satellites that might be launched, and such revolutionary new aircraft as the F-111 fighter-bomber and the SR-71 supersonic reconnaissance aircraft. Our investment has effected an enormous improvement in the design of anti-ballistic missile systems. We will .pursue our program for the development of the Nike-X anti-missile system, to permit deployment of this anti-ballistic missile should the national security require. Research will continue on even more advanced anti-missile components and concepts. About $2 billion a year of this program is invested in innovations in technology and in experimental program. Thus, we provide full play for the ingenuity and inventiveness of the best scientific and technical talent in our nation and the Free World. American science, industry, and technology are foremost in the world. Their resources represent a prime asset to our national security. * Our soldiers, sailors, airmen, and marines, from whom we ask so much, are the cornerstone of our military might. The success of all our policies depends upon our ability to attract, develop fully, utilize and retain the talents of outstanding men and women in the military services. We have sought to improve housing conditions for military families and educational opportunities for military personnel. Since 1961, we have proposed--and the Congress has authorized--the largest military pay increases in our history, totaling more than $2 billion. To ensure that the pay of military personnel, and indeed of all government employees, retains an appropriate relation to the compensation of other elements of our society, we will review their pay annually. The procedures for this review will be discussed in my budget message. It is imperative that our men in uniform have the necessary background and training to keep up with the complexities of the everchanging military, political, and technical problems they face each day. To insure this, the Secretary of Defense is undertaking a study of military education to make certain that the education available to our service men and women at their Academies, at their War Colleges and at the Command and Staff Colleges, is excellent in its quality. In recent years large numbers of volunteers have been rejected by the military services because of their failure to meet certain mental or physical standards, even though many of their deficiencies could have been corrected. To broaden the opportunity for service and increase the supply of potentially qualified volunteers, the Army is planning to initiate an experimental program of military training, education and physical rehabilitation for men who fail at first to meet minimum requirements for service. This pilot program, which will involve about 10, 000 men in 1965, will establish how many of these young volunteers can be upgraded so as to qualify for service. * Our citizen-soldiers must be the best organized, best equipped reserve forces in the world. We must make certain that this force, which has served our country so well from the time of the Revolution to the Berlin and Cuban crises of recent years, keeps pace with the changing demands of our national security. To this end, we are taking steps to realign our Army Reserves and [[w:United_States_National_Guard|National Guard]] to improve significantly their combat-readiness and effectiveness in times of emergency. This realignment will bring our Army Reserve structure into balance with our contingency war plans and will place all remaining units of the Army reserve forces in the National Guard. At the same time, by eliminating units for which there is no military requirement, we will realize each year savings approximating $150 million. Under our plan, all units will be fully equipped with combat-ready equipment and will be given training in the form of monthly weekend drills that will greatly increase their readiness. Under the revised organization, both the old and the new units of the National Guard, as well as individual trainees who remain in the Reserves, will make a much greater and continuing contribution to our national security. We shall continue to study our reserve forces and take whatever action is necessary to increase their combat effectiveness. * The Commander-in-Chief and the Secretary of Defense must continue to receive the best professional military advice available to the leaders of any government in the world. The importance of a strong line of command running from the Commander-in-Chief to the Secretary of Defense and the Joint Chiefs of Staff to the Unified and Specified Commanders in the field has been repeatedly demonstrated during recent years. The Secretary of Defense will present to you certain recommendations to strengthen the Joint Staff. * We will strengthen our military alliances, assist freedom-loving peoples, and continue our Military Assistance Program. It is essential to continue to strengthen our alliances with other free and independent nations. We reaffirm our unwavering determination that efforts to divide and conquer free men shall not be successful in our time. We shall continue to assist those who struggle to preserve their own independence. The North Atlantic Treaty Organization is a strong shield against [[War of aggression|aggression]]. We reaffirm our belief in the necessity of unified planning and execution of strategy. We invite our NATO allies to work with us in developing better methods for mutual consultation and joint strategic study. We shall continue to seek ways to bind the alliance even more strongly together by sharing the tasks of defense through collective action. We shall continue our program of military and economic assistance to Allies elsewhere in the world and to those nations struggling against covert aggression in the form of externally directed, undeclared guerrilla warfare. In Southeast Asia, our program remains unchanged. From 1950, the United States has demonstrated its commitment to the freedom, independence, and neutrality of Laos by strengthening the economic and military security of that nation. The problem of Laos is the refusal of the Communist forces to honor the [[w:Geneva_Accords|Geneva Accords]] into which they entered in 1962. We shall continue to support the legitimate government of that country. The Geneva Accords established the right of Laos to be left alone in peace. Similarly, the problem of Vietnam is the refusal of Communist forces to honor their agreement of 1954. The North Vietnam regime, supported by the [[Chinese Communist Party|Chinese Communists]], has openly and repeatedly avowed its intention to destroy the independence of the Republic of Vietnam through massive, ruthless, and incessant guerrilla terrorism against Government and people alike. Our purpose, under three American Presidents, has been to assist the Vietnamese to live in peace, free to choose both their own way of life and their own foreign policy. We shall continue to honor our commitments in Vietnam. * The world's most affluent society can surely afford to spend whatever must be spent for its freedom and security. We shall continue to maintain the military forces necessary for our security without regard to arbitrary or predetermined budget ceilings. But we shall continue to insist that those forces be procured at the lowest possible cost and operated with the greatest possible economy and efficiency. To acquire and maintain our unprecedented military power, we have been obliged to invest more than one-half of every dollar paid in taxes to the Federal Government. The Defense budget has grown from $43 billion in Fiscal Year 1960 to more than $51 billion in Fiscal Year 1964. I now estimate the Defense expenditures for Fiscal Year 1965 to be about $49.3 billion, or approximately $2 billion less than in Fiscal Year 1964. I further estimate that Defense expenditures for Fiscal Year 1966 will be reduced still another $300 million. There are two main reasons for this leveling-off in Defense expenditures: First, we have achieved many of the needed changes and increases in our military force structure; Second, we are now realizing the benefits of the rigorous Cost Reduction Program introduced into the Defense establishment during the past four years. As I have stated--and as our enemies well know--this country now possesses a range of credible, usable military power enabling us to deal with every form of military challenge from guerrilla terrorism to thermonuclear war. Barring a significant shift in the international situation, we are not likely to require further increments on so large a scale during the next several years. Expenditures for Defense will thus constitute a declining portion of our expanding annual [[Gross National Product]], which is now growing at the rate of 5 percent each year. If, over the next several years, we continue to spend approximately the same amount of dollars annually for our national defense that we are spending today, an ever-larger share of our expanding national wealth will be free to meet other vital needs, both public and private. '''Let me be clear, however, to friend and foe alike. So long as I am President, we shall spend whatever is necessary for the security of our people.''' * While our primary goal is to maintain the most powerful military force in the world at the lowest possible cost, we will never be unmindful of those communities and individuals who are temporarily affected by changes in the pattern of Defense spending. Men and women, who have devoted their lives and their resources to the needs of their country, are entitled to help and consideration in making the transition to other pursuits. We will continue to help local communities by mobilizing and coordinating all the resources of the Federal Governments to overcome temporary difficulties created by the curtailment of any Defense activity. We will phase out unnecessary Defense operations in such a way as to lessen the impact on any community, and we will work with local communities to develop energetic programs of self-help, calling on the resources of state and local governments--and of private industry--as well as those of the Federal Government. There is ample evidence that such measures can succeed. Former military bases are now in use throughout the country in communities which have not only adjusted to necessary change, but have created greater prosperity for themselves as a result. Their accomplishments are a tribute to the ingenuity of thousands of our citizens, and a testimony to the strength and resiliency of our economy and our system of government. * The Secretary of Defense will soon come before you with our detailed proposals for the coming year. He will have recommendations for further strengthening of our strategic forces and our conventional forces. He will have additional suggestions for achieving greater efficiency, and therefore greater economy. As you consider the state of our defenses and form your judgments as to our future course, I know that you will do so in the knowledge that today we Americans are responsible not only for our own security but, in concert with our Allies, for the security of the Free World. Upon our strength and our wisdom rests the future not only of our American way of life, but that of the whole society of free men. This is an awesome responsibility. So far, we have borne it well. As our strength rose--and largely as a consequence of that strength--we have been able to take encouraging steps toward peace. We have established an Arms Control and Disarmament Agency. We have signed a limited nuclear test ban agreement with the Soviet Union. We have, at the same time, met the challenge of force, unflinchingly, from Berlin to Cuba. In each case, the threat has receded and international tensions have diminished. '''In a world of 120 nations, there are still great dangers to be faced. As old threats are turned back, change and turmoil will present new ones. The vigilance and courage we have shown in the last twenty years must be sustained as far ahead as we can see. The defense of freedom remains our duty-twenty-four hours a day and every day of the year. We cannot know the future and what it holds. But all our experience of two centuries reminds us that--"To be prepared for war is one of the most effectual means of preserving peace."''' ====Inaugural address (January 1965)==== [[File:Lyndon Johnson and Martin Luther King, Jr. - Voting Rights Act.jpg|thumb|Justice requires us to remember that when any citizen denies his fellow, saying, "His color is not mine," or "His beliefs are strange and different," in that moment he betrays America, though his forebears created this Nation.]] [[File:North America from low orbiting satellite Suomi NPP.jpg|thumb|We are all fellow passengers on a dot of earth. And each of us, in the span of time, has really only a moment among our companions. How incredible it is that in this fragile existence, we should hate and destroy one another. There are possibilities enough for all who will abandon mastery over others to pursue mastery over nature. There is world enough for all to seek their happiness in their own way.]] [[File:Flag-lens-flare.jpg|thumb|Let us reject any among us who seek to reopen old wounds and to rekindle old hatreds. They stand in the way of a seeking nation. Let us now join reason to faith and action to experience, to transform our unity of interest into a unity of purpose. For the hour and the day and the time are here to achieve progress without strife, to achieve change without hatred—not without difference of opinion, but without the deep and abiding divisions which scar the union for generations.]] :<small>[http://www.bartleby.com/124/pres57.html Lyndon Baines Johnson: Inaugural Address (20 January 1965)]</small> * '''We are one nation and one people. Our fate as a nation and our future as a people rest not upon one citizen, but upon all citizens. This is the majesty and the meaning of this moment.''' * '''For every generation, there is a destiny. For some, history decides. For this generation, the choice must be our own. [...] Our destiny in the midst of change will rest on the unchanged character of our people, and on their faith.''' * '''They came here—the exile and the stranger, brave but frightened—to find a place where a man could be his own man. They made a covenant with this land. Conceived in justice, written in liberty, bound in union, it was meant one day to inspire the hopes of all mankind; and it binds us still. If we keep its terms, we shall flourish.''' * First, '''justice was the promise that all who made the journey would share in the fruits of the land. In a land of great wealth, families must not live in hopeless poverty. In a land rich in harvest, children just must not go hungry. In a land of healing miracles, neighbors must not suffer and die unattended. In a great land of learning and scholars, young people must be taught to read and write.''' * '''Justice requires us to remember that when any citizen denies his fellow, saying, "His color is not mine," or "His beliefs are strange and different," in that moment he betrays America, though his forebears created this Nation.''' * '''Liberty was the second article of our covenant. It was self-government. It was our [[United States Bill of Rights|Bill of Rights]].''' But it was more. '''America would be a place where each man could be proud to be himself: stretching his talents, rejoicing in his work, important in the life of his neighbors and his nation.''' This has become more difficult in a world where change and growth seem to tower beyond the control and even the judgment of men. '''We must work to provide the knowledge and the surroundings which can enlarge the possibilities of every citizen. The American covenant called on us to help show the way for the liberation of man. And that is today our goal. Thus, if as a nation there is much outside our control, as a people no stranger is outside our hope.''' * '''We are all fellow passengers on a dot of earth. And each of us, in the span of time, has really only a moment among our companions. How incredible it is that in this fragile existence, we should hate and destroy one another. There are possibilities enough for all who will abandon mastery over others to pursue mastery over nature. There is world enough for all to seek their happiness in their own way.''' * '''We aspire to nothing that belongs to others. We seek no dominion over our fellow man, but man's dominion over tyranny and misery.''' But more is required. '''Men want to be a part of a common enterprise—a cause greater than themselves. Each of us must find a way to advance the purpose of the Nation, thus finding new purpose for ourselves. Without this, we shall become a nation of strangers.''' * '''The third article was union. [...] By working shoulder to shoulder, together we can increase the bounty of all. We have discovered that every child who learns, every man who finds work, every sick body that is made whole—like a candle added to an altar—brightens the hope of all the faithful. So let us reject any among us who seek to reopen old wounds and to rekindle old hatreds. They stand in the way of a seeking nation. Let us now join reason to faith and action to experience, to transform our unity of interest into a unity of purpose. For the hour and the day and the time are here to achieve progress without strife, to achieve change without hatred—not without difference of opinion, but without the deep and abiding divisions which scar the union for generations.''' * I do not believe that '''the Great Society''' is the ordered, changeless, and sterile battalion of the ants. It i'''s the excitement of becoming—always becoming, trying, probing, falling, resting, and trying again—but always trying and always gaining.''' * '''In each generation, with toil and tears, we have had to earn our heritage again. If we fail now, we shall have forgotten in abundance what we learned in hardship''': that '''democracy rests on faith''', that '''freedom asks more than it gives''', and that '''the judgment of God is harshest on those who are most favored.''' '''If we succeed, it will not be because of what we have, but it will be because of what we are; not because of what we own, but, rather because of what we believe. For we are a nation of believers. Underneath the clamor of building and the rush of our day's pursuits, we are believers in justice and liberty and union, and in our own Union. We believe that every man must someday be free. And we believe in ourselves.''' * '''Our enemies have always made the same mistake.''' In my lifetime—'''in depression and in war—they have awaited our defeat. Each time, from the secret places of the American heart, came forth the faith they could not see or that they could not even imagine. It brought us victory. And it will again. For this is what America is all about. It is the uncrossed desert and the unclimbed ridge. It is the star that is not reached and the harvest sleeping in the unplowed ground. Is our world gone? We say "Farewell." Is a new world coming? We welcome it—and we will bend it to the hopes of man.''' * To these trusted public servants and to my family and those close friends of mine who have followed me down a long, winding road, and '''to all the people of this Union and the world, I will repeat today what I said on that sorrowful day in November 1963: "I will lead and I will do the best I can." But you must look within your own hearts to the old promises and to the old dream. They will lead you best of all.''' ==== Anti-Defamation League Award remarks (February 1965) ==== :<small> Written document [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/remarks-upon-receiving-the-anti-defamation-league-award Lyndon B. Johnson: "Remarks Upon Receiving the Anti-Defamation League Award" (February 3, 1965)] online at The American Presidency Project by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley</small> * Unworthy as I am of your honor, I deeply appreciate your generosity. The torch of John Kennedy that I picked up when he faltered I shall proudly carry on as long as I have the energy and the life to carry it. I am most grateful to [[w:B'nai_B'rith|B'nai B'rith]] and the [[Anti-Defamation League]]. They have the gratitude of this Nation. In your half century of fighting discrimination you have never tired, you have never faltered, you have never lost faith in your cause and your cause has given faith to your Nation. * Mr. Vice President, I think it is no wonder that so many Presidents have cheerfully and gratefully been the guests of the Anti-Defamation League. For the work that you have done in the local communities as well as in the halls of Congress, you have ignited the flames of freedom across this great country. Wherever your torches burn, there tolerance and decency and charity have been illuminated. Bigots and bias hide whenever you come into view. But you are much more than anti-prejudice--you are pro-justice and you are pro-freedom. So it is with great pride and satisfaction that I come here this evening to commend you and to salute you. And I am very proud to share this platform tonight with a man whose whole life has been a visible dedication to truth and to justice and to leadership in the field of fair play. I judge him to be one of those eloquent and uncommon men who feels in his faith and who holds in his heart the compassion that is a sure sign of a man's real strength of character. Your President is proud to have as our Nation's Vice President your own devoted friend, Hubert Humphrey. * Tonight, I want to share with you some thoughts on what I conceive to be the meaning of this moment in our national life. In all of history, men have never lived as we are privileged to live tonight, at this rare and at this precious moment. Our arms are strong--our freedoms are many. Our homes are secure--and our tables are full. Our knowledge is great--and our understanding is growing. We enjoy plenty--we live in peace. And this is much--but there is more. Out of the years of fire and faith in this [[20th century]], our diverse peoples have forged together a consensus such as we have not known before--a consensus on our national purposes and our national policies and the principles that guide them both. This consensus is new. We have come to it more suddenly than we foresaw--and more fully than we anticipated. Tonight questions are being asked about the meaning of that consensus--proper, penetrating, and profound questions. Thoughtful men want to know--are we entering an era when consensus will become an end in itself? Will we substitute consensus for challenge? Will a devotion to agreement keep us from those tasks that are disagreeable? * Tonight, for myself, I want to turn back to the ancient Scriptures for the answer: "He that observeth the wind shall not sow and he that regardeth the clouds shall not reap." If we were to try, this restless and stirring: and striving nation would never live as the captive of a comfortable consensus. So we must know that the times ahead for us--and for the world, for that matter--are not to be bland and placid. We shall know tests. We shall know trials--and we shall be ready. For I believe more will be demanded of our stewardship than of any generations which have ever held the trust of America's legacy before us. So let me be specific. We are at the threshold of a new America-new in numbers, new in dimensions, new in its concepts, new in its challenges. If the society that we have brought already to greatness is to be called great in the times to come, we must respond to that tomorrow tonight. The unity of our people--the consensus of their will--must be the instrument that we put to use to strengthen our society, undergird its values, elevate its standards,. assure its order, advance the quality of its justice, nourish its tolerance and reason, and enlarge the meaning of man's rights for every citizen. For I believe with the [[Louis Brandeis|Justice Brandeis]] that: "If we would guide by the light of reason, we must let our minds be bold." And this is what we are striving to do here in your Capital City--and in your National Government. * Invested just a few weeks ago with the trust of America's consensus, we are grasping the nettles of our society. We are not avoiding controversy to prolong the political consensus--rather, we are striving to use the consensus to resolve and to remove the political controversies that have already stood too long across the path of our people's progress and their fulfillment. * I took the oath as the President only 12 or 13 days ago. Since my State of the Union Message on January 4 before my inauguration, I have sent to the Congress--will have, by the end of this week--16 messages--messages that are facing up to conflicts, messages that involve controversy, and don't doubt it, and messages that respond to the needs of this society. For what we have asked, we stand ready tonight to welcome all support and to confront all opposition. Believing that our requests are right, and that our cause is just, this administration is determined that the opportunity of this rare and most precious moment shall not be denied, defaulted, or destroyed. If some say our goals are idealistic, we welcome that as a compliment. For 188 years, the strongest fiber of America has been that thread of idealism which weaves through all our effort and all our aspiration. So let the world know--and let it be known throughout our own land--that this generation of Americans is not so cynical, and not so cool, not so callous that idealism is out of style. In a national house that is filled to overflowing, we are determined that the lives we lead shall not be vacant and shall not be empty. '''Your Government is concerned not with statistics but with the substance of your schools, and your jobs, and your cities, and your family life, and your countryside, your health, your hopes, your protection, your preparedness--and your rights and opportunities. For as Emerson once said: "The true test of civilization is not the census, nor the size of cities nor the crops, but the kind of man that the country turns out." So we are concerned tonight with the kind of man that the country turns out in these times and the times that are to come.''' * We must meet the responsibilities here if we are to be equal to the opportunities there. But the success of all we undertake--the fulfillment of all that we aspire to achieve--rests finally on one condition: the condition of peace among all people. Mr. Schary and Mr. Feinberg, in your citation tonight, the words expressed the essence of America in the thought that--"As a country, we try." I believe that it is the highest legacy of our democracy that we are always trying--trying, probing, failing, resting, and up trying again--but always trying and always gaining. And this is the pursuit and the approach that we must make to peace. Not in a day or a year or a decade in 120 nations or more-not, perhaps, in a lifetime--shall we finally grasp the goal of peace for which we reach tonight. But we shall always be reaching, always trying--and, hopefully, always gaining. * Toward that end, when I spoke last month to the Congress, I expressed the hope that the new leadership of the Soviet Union might come and visit our land--come to see us, to meet us, to learn firsthand the determination here in our beloved America for peace and the equal determination to support freedom. I am gratified that this expression is receiving the active, the constructive--and, I hope, the fruitful--attention and the interest of the Soviet Government. I have reason to believe that the Soviet leadership would welcome my visit to their country--as I would be very glad to do. I am hopeful that before the year is out this exchange of visits between us may occur. As I have said so often before, the longest journey begins with a single step--and I believe that such visits would reassure an anxious world that our two nations are each striving toward the goal of peace. So let it be said and let it be known that wherever America has responsibility, wherever America has opportunity, we shall be found always trying. So I believe it is for the long effort ahead-not for the end of the passing moment--that our great national consensus has formed and will actually be preserved. * In division, there is never strength. In differences, there is no sure seed of progress. In unity our strength lies and on unity our hope for success rests. So let us never forget that unity is the legacy of our American democracy. Through the veins of America flows the blood of all mankind--from every continent, every culture, every creed. If we built no more arms, or no more cities, or no more industries, or no more farms, we would be remembered through the ages for the understanding that we have built in human hearts. It is in the heart that America lives and has its being--and it is there that we must work, all together and each of us alone. We must work for the understanding, the tolerance, and the spirit of benevolence and brotherly love that will assure every man fulfillment and dignity and honor whatever his origins, however he spells his name, whatever his beliefs, whatever his color, whatever his endowments. If this be our purpose, and if this be our accomplishment, then our society will be great. ==== University of Kentucky speech (February 1965) ==== :<small> Written document [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/remarks-the-university-kentucky Lyndon B. Johnson: "Remarks at the University of Kentucky" (February 22, 1965)] online at The American Presidency Project by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley</small> [[File:Election MG 3455.JPG|thumb|For our democracy has proven the most powerful secular idea in the history of man. But the record of success does not mean that we will continue to be successful. The spread of freedom does not guarantee freedom will continue to flourish. The fact we have grown does not mean we will continue to grow.]] * I come here today to speak not to posterity but to your generation. In a new and changing world you receive the oldest trust of all. [[George Washington]], in his first Inaugural Address, said: "The destiny of the republican model of government is justly considered... as deeply, as finally staked on the experiment intrusted to the hands of the American people." In the years since he spoke the great experiment has prospered. Where we once stood alone, today the sun never sets on free men, or on men struggling to be free. Even where dictators rule, they often find it necessary to use the language of the rights of man and sometimes find it necessary to modify other dictatorships. '''For our democracy has proven the most powerful secular idea in the history of man. But the record of success does not mean that we will continue to be successful. The spread of freedom does not guarantee freedom will continue to flourish. The fact we have grown does not mean we will continue to grow.''' [[File:Homeless man in Toronto across from old City Hall.jpg|thumb|No longer can we ignore the hopes of the poor and the oppressed. And for the first time we have the power to fulfill those hopes. You may witness a rebirth of hope or the ruin of civilization, you may witness the defeat of misery or the destruction of man. These are choices which you, too, are called upon to make.]] * As it has come to every generation of Americans, to your hands--to your willingness to work and sacrifice and dare--will be entrusted the fate of the American experiment. Though the responsibility is the same, your task is different and much more difficult than any that have gone before. First, your world will be a young person's world. Fifty-five percent of the world's population is under the age of 25. By 1968 the average age of an American citizen will have dropped to 25. Your generation, the younger generation, is the world's majority. Second, you inherit a world with the greatest of danger, the largest difficulties, and the most promising destiny in history. '''No longer can we ignore the hopes of the poor and the oppressed. And for the first time we have the power to fulfill those hopes. You may witness a rebirth of hope or the ruin of civilization, you may witness the defeat of misery or the destruction of man. These are choices which you, too, are called upon to make.''' Third, as an American citizen today, you are also a citizen of the world. Your cause is truly the cause of all mankind. * '''We are the children of [[revolution]]. The history of America is the history of continuing revolution. That revolution has conquered a continent and it has extended democracy. It has given us unmatched mastery over nature, and it has given us the tools to conquer material wants. It has set the stage for a new order of society--devoted to enriching the life of every human being on a scale never before thought possible. True, these revolutions have been peaceful; but they have shaken the entire globe. Our struggle against colonial rule is still reshaping continents. Our achievements have lifted the hopes and ambitions of men who live everywhere, lifted him for a better life. Our political ideas have helped to make "freedom" a rallying cry in every corner of the world. And if the consequences of these forces sometimes cause us difficulty or create danger, then let us not be dismayed. For this is what America is all about; to show the way to the liberation of man from every form of tyranny over his mind, his body, and his spirit. We cannot, and we will not, withdraw from this world. We are too rich, too powerful, and too important. But most important, we are too concerned.''' [[File:General_George_Washington_at_Trenton_by_John_Trumbull.jpeg|thumb|George Washington fought for a Declaration of Independence which said "all men are created equal." It did not say "all Americans," or "all Westerners" or "all white men." All are equal in the eyes of God; and in the right to use their talents, and to provide for their families, and to enjoy freedom. This is our goal in America.]] * '''I do not speak of the grave and immediate issues of foreign policy, although they concern me constantly. I speak of the great transcendent issues which affect the life of nearly every human being on this planet. We care that men are hungry--not only in Appalachia but in Asia and in Africa and in other spots in the world. We care that men are oppressed--not only among ourselves but wherever man is unjust to man. We care that men should govern themselves and shape their own destinies--not only in [[Kentucky]] but in every corner of every continent. We care for peace, not only for ourselves but for every country that is torn by conflict. [[George Washington]] fought for a [[United States Declaration of Independence|Declaration of Independence]] which said "all men are created equal." It did not say "all Americans," or "all Westerners" or "all white men." All are equal in the eyes of God; and in the right to use their talents, and to provide for their families, and to enjoy freedom. This is our goal in America. This is our concern, not simply as a matter of national interest or national security. It is part of the moral purpose of the American Nation.''' So this is the measure of your responsibility. I know that you are willing to accept that responsibility and that you want to share in the life of America. We have always believed that each man could make a difference. This faith in each man's significance is at the root of human dignity. Yet, it is often difficult to see how an individual young person can make a difference in today's world. * Science has shown the complexities of nature to be beyond ordinary understanding. World events--the rise and fall of nations--even survival and death--may seem at times beyond ordinary human control. Enormous factories and great cities seem to exist and grow apart from those who run them and live in them. The old, tried values of family and neighborhood and community are imperiled or eroded. Man himself seems to be in danger; trapped between contending forces of science and growth, increasing numbers and movements that he can hardy understand. Yet this is our world. The discoveries are ours. We raised the cities and we reach for the stars. We unveiled the mysteries and wove the intricate patterns of today. It is our central task to make this world serve to enrich the dignity and the value of the human being. We will do this not through riches or position, or power, or comfort. You will find meaning only by sharing in the responsibilities, the dangers, and the passions of your time. A great American told us to ask what we could do for our country. By asking, you will not only help others, you will be ling purpose to your own life. * '''Think with me today of just how much there is to do about us. You must rebuild the cities of America and you must rescue the countryside from destruction. You must wipe out poverty and you must eliminate racial injustice. You must labor for peace and freedom and an end to misery around the world. The Great Society will offer you the chance to do this work. It does not promise luxury and comfort and a life of ease. It does promise every American a chance to enrich his spirit and to share in the great common enterprises of our people.''' * Your energy and your sacrifice are needed. It is our job to tap those resources, and to help provide the chance to serve. We have already begun. Thousands of volunteers are needed today for the Peace Corps--to bring hope and the ideals of freedom to the villages and towns of more than half the world. Thirteen thousand young Americans have already accepted this responsibility in 46 countries. In the next 4 years we hope to double the size of this effort. Five thousand VISTA volunteers are needed this year to enlist in the war against poverty. All our programs for Appalachia will not succeed without the work of individual volunteers that are filled with compassion for their fellows, and a willingness to serve their country. I am so glad that it seems to me that here at the crossroads of this great university is where education and Appalachia meet. * Twenty thousand women will be needed, this summer, to help prepare deprived young children for success in school. All of you are needed to organize community action programs--to map the strategy and to carry out the plans for wiping out poverty in each community. The effort to restore and to protect beauty in America demands the volunteer efforts of private citizens, alert to danger, demanding always that nature be respected. '''In every area of national need the story is almost the same. The Great Society cannot be built--either at home or abroad-by government alone. It needs your sacrifice and it needs your effort. I intend to continue to search for new ways to give all of you a chance to serve your country and your civilization. And I hope to move toward the day when every young American will have the opportunity-and feel the obligation--to give at least a few years of his or her life to the service of others in this Nation and in the world.''' * And you will bring to this work, not only skills and energy, but the most important ingredient of all: the idealism and the vision of the young. Of course, specific problems demand specific answers. Programs must take into account the realities of power and circumstance. But all the practicality in the world is useless unless it is informed by conviction, by high purposes, and by standards which are never sacrificed to immediate gains. Unless this is done we will be submerged in the day-to-day problems and, having solved them, find that we have really solved nothing. For only those who dare to fall greatly, can ever achieve much. * '''So, guided by the great ideals of this country, willing to work and dare to fulfill your dreams, there is really no limit to the expectations of your tomorrow. If you wish a sheltered and uneventful life, then you are living in the wrong generation. No one can promise you calm, or ease, or undisturbed comfort. But we can promise you this. We can promise enormous challenge and arduous struggle, hard labor and great danger. And with them we can promise you, finally, triumph--triumph over all the enemies of mankind.''' ====Special message to Congress on the right to vote (1965)==== [[File:AdoptionOf13thAmendment.jpg|thumb|Government is best which is closest to the people.]] [[File:The County Election, Bingham, 1846.jpg|thumb|The first right and most vital of all our rights is the right to vote.[...] It is from the exercise of this right that the guarantee of all our other rights flows. Unless the right to vote be secure and undenied, all other rights are insecure and subject to denial for all our citizens.]] [[File:1963 march on washington.jpg|thumb|A people divided over the right to vote can never build a Nation united.]] [[File:Lincolnatgettysburg.jpg|thumb|We cannot have government for all the people until we first make certain it is government of and by all the people.]] :<small> Written document [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/special-message-the-congress-the-right-vote Lyndon B. Johnson: "Special Message to the Congress on the Right To Vote" (15 March 1965)] online at The American Presidency Project by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley</small> * In this same month ninety-five years ago-on March 30, 1870&nbsp;— the Constitution of the United States was amended for the fifteenth time to guarantee that no citizen of our land should be denied the right to vote because of race or color. The command of the [[w:Fifteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Fifteenth Amendment]] is unequivocal and its equal force upon State Governments and the Federal Government is unarguable. Section 1 of this Amendment provides: The right of citizens of the United States to vote shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of race, color, or previous condition of servitude. * By the oath I have taken "to preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States," duty directs&nbsp;— and strong personal conviction impels&nbsp;— that I advise the Congress that action is necessary, and necessary now, if the Constitution is to be upheld and the rights of all citizens are not to be mocked, abused and denied. I must regretfully report to the Congress the following facts: <br /> 1. That the Fifteenth Amendment of our Constitution is today being systematically and willfully circumvented in certain State and local jurisdictions of our Nation.<br />2. That representatives of such State and local governments acting "under the color of law," are denying American citizens the right to vote on the sole basis of race or color.<br />3. That, as a result of these practices, in some areas of our country today no significant number of American citizens of the Negro race can be registered to vote except upon the intervention and order of a Federal Court.<br />4. That the remedies available under law to citizens thus denied their Constitutional rights&nbsp;— and the authority presently available to the Federal Government to act in their behalf&nbsp;— are clearly inadequate.<br />5. That the denial of these rights and the frustration of efforts to obtain meaningful relief from such denial without undue delay is contributing to the creation of conditions which are both inimical to our domestic order and tranquillity and incompatible with the standards of equal justice and individual dignity on which our society stands.<br />I am, therefore, calling upon the Congress to discharge the duty authorized in Section 2 of the Fifteenth Amendment "to enforce this Article by appropriate legislation." * The essence of our American tradition of State and local governments is the belief expressed by Thomas Jefferson that '''Government is best which is closest to the people. Yet that belief is betrayed by those State and local officials who engage in denying the right of citizens to vote. Their actions serve only to assure that their State governments and local governments shall be remote from the people, least representative of the people's will and least responsive to the people's wishes.''' * The challenge now presented is more than a challenge to our Constitution&nbsp;— it is a blatant affront to the conscience of this generation of Americans. Discrimination based on race or color is reprehensible and intolerable to the great American majority. In every national forum, where they have chosen to test popular sentiment, defenders of discrimination have met resounding rejection. Americans now are not willing that the acid of the few shall be allowed to corrode the souls of the many. * '''The purposeful many need not and will not bow to the willful few.''' * In our system, '''the first right and most vital of all our rights is the right to vote.''' Jefferson described the elective franchise as "the ark of our safety." '''It is from the exercise of this right that the guarantee of all our other rights flows. Unless the right to vote be secure and undenied, all other rights are insecure and subject to denial for all our citizens. The challenge to this right is a challenge to America itself. We must meet this challenge as decisively as we would meet a challenge mounted against our land from enemies abroad.''' * In the world, America stands for&nbsp;— and works for&nbsp;— the right of all men to govern themselves through free, uninhibited elections. An ink bottle broken against an American Embassy, a fire set in an American library, an insult committed against our American flag, anywhere in the world, does far less injury to our country and our cause than the discriminatory denial of the right of any American citizen at home to vote on the basis of race or color. * The issue presented by the present challenge to our Constitution and our conscience transcends legalism, although it does not transcend the law itself. '''We are challenged to demonstrate that there are no sanctuaries within our law for those who flaunt it. We are challenged, also, to demonstrate by our prompt, fitting and adequate response now that the hope of our system is not force, not arms, not the might of militia or marshals-but the law itself.''' * Unless we act anew, with dispatch and resolution, we shall sanction a sad and sorrowful course for the future. For if the Fifteenth Amendment is successfully flouted today, tomorrow the [[First Amendment to the United States Constitution|First Amendment]], the [[w:Fourth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Fourth Amendment]], the [[Fifth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Fifth Amendment]]-the [[w:Sixth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Sixth]], the [[w:Eighth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Eighth]], indeed, [[United States Constitution|all the provisions of the Constitution]] on which our system stands&nbsp;— will be subject to disregard and erosion. Our essential strength as a society governed by the rule of law will be crippled and corrupted and the unity of our system hollowed out and left meaningless. * For these reasons, therefore, '''I ask the Congress under the power clearly granted by the Fifteenth Amendment to enact legislation which would''': <br /> 1. Strike down restrictions to voting in all elections--Federal, State, and local--which have been used to deny Negroes the right to vote.<br /> 2. Establish in all States and counties where the right to vote has been denied on account of race a simple standard of voter registration which will '''make it impossible to thwart the Fifteenth Amendment.'''<br /> 3. Prohibit the use of new tests and devices wherever they may be used for discriminatory purposes.<br /> 4. Provide adequate power to insure, if necessary, that Federal officials can perform functions essential to the right to vote whenever State officials deny that right.<br /> 5. Eliminate the opportunity to delay the right to vote by resort to tedious and unnecessary lawsuits.<br /> 6. Provide authority to insure that properly registered individuals will not be prohibited from voting. * Our purpose is not&nbsp;— and shall never be-either the quest for power or the desire to punish. We seek to increase the power of the people over all their governments, not to enhance the power of the Federal Government over any of the people. For the life of this Republic, '''our people have zealously guarded their liberty against abuses of power by their governments. The one weapon they have used is the mightiest weapon in the arsenal of democracy&nbsp;— the vote. This has been enough, for as [[Woodrow Wilson]] said, "The instrument of all reform in America is the ballot."''' * '''A people divided over the right to vote can never build a Nation united.''' * '''We cannot have government for all the people until we first make certain it is government of and by all the people.''' ====The American Promise (1965)==== [[File:Andrew Johnson impeachment trial.jpg|thumb|Our mission is at once the oldest and the most basic of this country: to right wrong, to do justice, to serve man.]] [[File:Voting Victories.jpg|thumb|It is all of us, who must overcome the crippling legacy of bigotry and injustice. And we shall overcome.]] [[File:Bloody Sunday-Alabama police attack.jpeg|thumb|At the real heart of battle for equality is a deep-seated belief in the democratic process. Equality depends not on the force of arms or tear gas but upon the force of moral right; not on recourse to violence but on respect for law and order.]] [[File:LBJ National Portrait Gallery.jpg|thumb|We seek and pray for peace. We seek order. We seek unity. But we will not accept the peace of stifled rights, or the order imposed by fear, or the unity that stifles protest. For peace cannot be purchased at the cost of liberty.]] [[File:37 Lyndon Johnson 3x4.jpg|thumb|I do not want to be the President who built empires, or sought grandeur, or extended dominion. I want to be the President who educated young children to the wonders of their world. I want to be the President who [...] ]] :<small>Address to the US Congress [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/special-message-the-congress-the-american-promise Lyndon B. Johnson: "Special Message to the Congress: The American Promise" (15 March 1965) online at The American Presidency Project by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley]</small> * '''I speak tonight for the [[dignity]] of [[Humanity|man]] and the [[destiny]] of [[democracy]].''' <br /> I urge every member of both parties, Americans of all religions and of all colors, from every section of this country, to join me in that cause. <br /> '''At times history and fate meet at a single time in a single place to shape a turning point in man's unending search for freedom.''' So it was at [[w:Battles of Lexington and Concord|Lexington and Concord]]. So it was a century ago at [[w:Battle of Appomattox Court House|Appomattox]]. So it was last week in [[w:Selma to Montgomery marches|Selma, Alabama]]. There, long-suffering men and women peacefully protested the denial of their rights as Americans. Many were brutally assaulted. One good man, a man of God, was killed. * '''Our mission is at once the oldest and the most basic of this country: to right wrong, to do justice, to serve man.''' <br /> In our time we have come to live with moments of great crisis. Our lives have been marked with debate about great issues; issues of war and peace, issues of prosperity and depression. But rarely in any time does an issue lay bare the secret heart of America itself. Rarely are we met with a challenge, not to our growth or abundance, our welfare or our security, but rather to the values and the purposes and the meaning of our beloved Nation. '''The issue of equal rights for American Negroes''' is such an issue. And '''should we defeat every enemy, should we double our wealth and conquer the stars, and still be unequal to this issue, then we will have failed as a people and as a nation. For with a country as with a person, "What is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?"'''. * '''There is no Negro problem. There is no Southern problem. There is no Northern problem. There is only an American problem. And we are met here tonight as Americans&nbsp;— not as Democrats or Republicans-we are met here as Americans to solve that problem.''' * '''This was the first nation in the history of the world to be founded with a purpose. The great phrases of that purpose still sound in every American heart, North and South: "[[United States Declaration of Independence|All men are created equal]]"&nbsp;— "[[United States Declaration of Independence|government by consent of the governed]]"&nbsp;— "[[Patrick Henry#"Give_me_liberty,_or_give_me_death!"_(1775)|give me liberty or give me death.]]" Well, those are not just clever words, or those are not just empty theories.''' In their name Americans have fought and died for two centuries, and tonight around the world they stand there as guardians of our liberty, risking their lives. <br /> '''Those words are a promise to every citizen that he shall share in the dignity of man. This dignity cannot be found in a man's possessions; it cannot be found in his power, or in his position. It really rests on his right to be treated as a man equal in opportunity to all others. It says that he shall share in freedom, he shall choose his leaders, educate his children, and provide for his family according to his ability and his merits as a human being.''' <br /> To apply any other test&ndash;to deny a man his hopes because of his color or race, his religion or the place of his birth&nbsp;— is not only to do injustice, it is to deny America and to dishonor the dead who gave their lives for American freedom. Our fathers believed that if this noble view of the rights of man was to flourish, it must be rooted in democracy. The most basic right of all was the right to choose your own leaders. The history of this country, in large measure, is the history of the expansion of that right to all of our people. * Many of the issues of civil rights are very complex and most difficult. But about this there can and should be no argument : '''Every American citizen must have an equal right to vote. There is no reason which can excuse the denial of that right. There is no duty which weighs more heavily on us than the duty we have to ensure that right.''' <br />Yet the harsh fact is that in many places in this country men and women are kept from voting simply because they are Negroes. <br /> Every device of which human ingenuity is capable has been used to deny this right. The Negro citizen may go to register only to be told that the day is wrong, or the hour is late, or the official in charge is absent. And if he persists, and if he manages to present himself to the registrar, he may be disqualified because he did not spell out his middle name or because he abbreviated a word on the application. <br /> And if he manages to fill out an application he is given a test. The registrar is the sole judge of whether he passes this test. He may be asked to recite the entire Constitution, or explain the most complex provisions of State law. And even a college degree cannot be used to prove that he can read and write. <br /> For the fact is that the only way to pass these barriers is to show a white skin. * Experience has clearly shown that the existing process of law cannot overcome systematic and ingenious discrimination. No law that we now have on the books-and I have helped to put three of them there — can ensure the right to vote when local officials are determined to deny it. <br /> In such a case our duty must be clear to all of us. '''The Constitution says that no person shall be kept from voting because of his race or his color.''' We have all sworn an oath before God to support and to defend that Constitution. We must now act in obedience to that oath. * Open your polling places to all your [[people]]. <br /> Allow men and women to register and [[vote]] whatever the color of their skin. <br /> Extend the rights of citizenship to every citizen of this land. <br /> There is no constitutional issue here. The command of [[United States Constitution|the Constitution]] is plain. <br /> There is no [[moral]] issue. It is wrong — deadly wrong — to deny any of your fellow Americans the right to vote in this country. <br /> There is no issue of States rights or national rights. There is only the struggle for [[human rights]]. * The last time a President sent a civil rights bill to the Congress it contained a provision to protect voting rights in Federal elections. That civil rights bill was passed after 8 long months of debate. And when that bill came to my desk from the Congress for my signature, the heart of the voting provision had been eliminated. <br /> This time, on this issue, there must be no delay, no hesitation and no compromise with our purpose. <br /> We cannot, we must not, refuse to protect the right of every American to vote in every election that he may desire to participate in. And we ought not and we cannot and we must not wait another 8 months before we get a bill. We have already waited a hundred years and more, and the time for waiting is gone. * '''But even if we pass this bill, the battle will not be over.''' What happened in Selma is part of a far larger movement which reaches into every section and State of America. It is the effort of American Negroes to secure for themselves the full blessings of American life. Their cause must be our cause too. '''Because it is not just Negroes, but really it is all of us, who must overcome the crippling legacy of bigotry and injustice. And [[w:We Shall Overcome|we shall overcome]].''' * As a man whose roots go deeply into Southern soil I know how agonizing racial feelings are. '''I know how difficult it is to reshape the attitudes and the structure of our society. But a century has passed, more than a hundred years, since the Negro was freed. And he is not fully free tonight. It was more than a hundred years ago that [[Abraham Lincoln]], a great president of [[Republican Party (United States)|another party]], signed the Emancipation Proclamation, but emancipation is a proclamation and not a fact. A century has passed, more than a hundred years, since equality was promised. And yet the Negro is not equal. A century has passed since the day of promise. And the promise is unkept. The time of justice has now come.''' I tell you that I believe sincerely that no force can hold it back. It is right in the eyes of man and God that it should come. And when it does, I think that day will brighten the lives of every American. * For Negroes are not the only victims. How many white children have gone uneducated, how many white families have lived in stark poverty, how many white lives have been scarred by fear, because we have wasted our energy and our substance to maintain the barriers of hatred and terror? So I say to all of you here, and to all in the Nation tonight, that '''those who appeal to you to hold on to the past do so at the cost of denying you your future.''' This great, rich, restless country can offer opportunity and education and hope to all: black and white, North and South, sharecropper and city dweller. '''These are the enemies: poverty, ignorance, disease. They are the enemies and not our fellow man, not our neighbor. And these enemies too, poverty, disease and ignorance, we shall over, come.''' * For '''at the real heart of battle for equality is a deep-seated belief in the democratic process. Equality depends not on the force of arms or tear gas but upon the force of moral right; not on recourse to violence but on respect for law and order.''' * '''We must preserve the right of free speech and the right of free assembly. But the right of free speech does not carry with it, [[w:Schenck v. United States|as has been said, the right to holler fire in a crowded theater]]. We must preserve the right to free assembly, but free assembly does not carry with it the right to block public thoroughfares to traffic. We do have a right to protest, and a right to march under conditions that do not infringe the constitutional rights of our neighbors.''' And I intend to protect all those rights as long as I am permitted to serve in this office. We will guard against '''violence''', knowing it '''strikes from our hands the very weapons which we seek&nbsp;— progress, obedience to law, and belief in American values.''' * In Selma as elsewhere '''we seek and pray for peace. We seek order. We seek unity. But we will not accept the peace of stifled rights, or the order imposed by fear, or the unity that stifles protest. For peace cannot be purchased at the cost of liberty.''' * '''All Americans must have the privileges of citizenship regardless of race.''' And they are going to have those privileges of citizenship regardless of race. But I would like to caution you and remind you that '''to exercise these privileges takes much more than just legal right. It requires a trained mind and a healthy body. It requires a decent home, and the chance to find a job, and the opportunity to escape from the clutches of poverty. Of course, people cannot contribute to the Nation if they are never taught to read or write, if their bodies are stunted from hunger, if their sickness goes untended, if their life is spent in hopeless poverty just drawing a welfare check. So we want to open the gates to opportunity. But we are also going to give all our people, black and white, the help that they need to walk through those gates.''' * This is the richest and most powerful country which ever occupied the globe. The might of past empires is little compared to ours. But '''I do not want to be the President who built empires, or sought grandeur, or extended dominion. I want to be the President who educated young children to the wonders of their world. I want to be the President who helped to feed the hungry and to prepare them to be taxpayers instead of taxeaters. I want to be the President who helped the poor to find their own way and who protected the right of every citizen to vote in every election. I want to be the President who helped to end hatred among his fellow men and who promoted love among the people of all races and all regions and all parties. I want to be the President who helped to end war among the brothers of this earth.''' * Above the pyramid on the great seal of the United States it says, in Latin: 'God has favored our undertaking.' God will not favor everything that we do. It is rather our duty to divine His will. But I cannot help believing that He truly understands and that He really favors the undertaking that we begin here tonight. ====Voting Rights Act signing speech (1965)==== [[File:LyndonJohnson signs Voting Rights Act of 1965.jpg|thumb|It is not enough just to give men rights. They must be able to use those rights in their personal pursuit of happiness.]] {{Smallcite|[http://www.lbjlib.utexas.edu/johnson/archives.hom/speeches.hom/650806.asp President Lyndon B. Johnson's Remarks in the Capitol Rotunda at the Signing of the Voting Rights Act (August 6, 1965)]. Source: Public Papers of the Presidents of the United States: Lyndon B. Johnson, 1965. Volume II, entry 394, pp. 811-815. Washington, D. C.: Government Printing Office, 1966.}} * In 1957, as the leader of the majority in the United States Senate, speaking in support of legislation to guarantee '''the right of all men to vote''', I said, "'''This right to vote is the basic right without which all others are meaningless. It gives people, people as individuals, control over their own destinies.'''" * This law covers many pages. But the heart of the act is plain. Wherever, by clear and objective standards, States and counties are using regulations, or laws, or tests to deny the right to vote, then they will be struck down. If it is clear that State officials still intend to discriminate, then Federal examiners will be sent in to register all eligible voters. When the prospect of discrimination is gone, the examiners will be immediately withdrawn. And, under this act, if any county anywhere in this Nation does not want Federal intervention it need only open its polling places to all of its people. * '''Presidents and Congresses, laws and [[lawsuit]]s can open the doors to the polling places and open the doors to the wondrous rewards which await the wise use of the ballot. But only''' the individual Negro, and '''all''' others '''who have been denied the right to vote, can really walk through those doors, and can use that right, and can transform the vote into an instrument of justice and fulfillment.''' * If you do this, then you will find, as others have found before you, that '''the vote is the most powerful instrument ever devised by man for breaking down injustice and destroying the terrible walls which imprison men because they are different from other men.''' * For '''it is not enough just to give men rights. They must be able to use those rights in their personal pursuit of happiness.''' * '''There is no room for injustice anywhere in the American mansion. But there is always room for understanding toward those who see the old ways crumbling. And to them, today, I simply say this: It must come. It is right that it should come. And when it has, you will find that a burden has been lifted from your shoulders, too.''' ==== Remarks at the signing of the Immigration Bill (1965)==== :<small>[http://www.lbjlibrary.org/lyndon-baines-johnson/timeline/lbj-on-immigration Remarks at the Signing of the Immigration Bill (3 October 1965)]</small> * Mr. Vice President, Mr. Speaker, Mr. Ambassador Goldberg, distinguished Members of the leadership of the Congress, distinguished Governors and mayors, my fellow countrymen. We have called the Congress here this afternoon not only to mark a very historic occasion, but to settle a very old issue that is in dispute. That issue is, to what congressional district does Liberty Island really belong; Congressman Farbstein or Congressman Gallagher? It will be settled by whoever of the two can walk first to the top of the [[Statue of Liberty]]. This bill that we will sign today is not a revolutionary bill. It does not affect the lives of millions. It will not reshape the structure of our daily lives, or really add importantly to either our wealth or our power. Yet it is still one of the most important acts of this Congress and of this administration. For it does repair a very deep and painful flaw in the fabric of American justice. It corrects a cruel and enduring wrong in the conduct of the American nation. [[w:John_W._McCormack|Speaker McCormack]] and [[w:Emanuel_Celler|Congressman Celler]] almost 40 years ago first pointed that out in their maiden speeches in the Congress. And this measure that we will sign today will really make us truer to ourselves both as a country and as a people. It will strengthen us in a hundred unseen ways. * I have come here to thank personally each Member of the Congress who labored so long and so valiantly to make this occasion come true today, and to make this bill a reality. I cannot mention all their names, for it would take much too long, but my gratitude; and that of this Nation; belongs to the 89th Congress. We are indebted, too, to the vision of the late beloved President John Fitzgerald Kennedy, and to the support given to this measure by the then Attorney General and now Senator, Robert F. Kennedy. In the final days of consideration, this bill had no more able champion than the present Attorney General, [[w:Nicholas_Katzenbach|Nicholas Katzenbach]], who, with New York's own "Manny" Celler, and Senator [[Ted Kennedy]] of Massachusetts, and Congressman Feighan of Ohio, and [[w:Mike_Mansfield|Senator Mansfield]] and [[Everett Dirksen|Senator Dirksen]] constituting the leadership of the Senate, and [[w:Jacob_Javits|Senator Javits]], helped to guide this bill to passage, along with the help of the Members sitting in front of me today. * This bill says simply that from this day forth '''those wishing to immigrate to America shall be admitted on the basis of their skills and their close relationship to those already here. This is a simple test, and it is a fair test. Those who can contribute most to this country; to its growth, to its strength, to its spirit; will be the first that are admitted to this land. The fairness of this standard is so self-evident that we may well wonder that it has not always been applied. Yet the fact is that for over four decades the immigration policy of the United States has been twisted and has been distorted by the harsh injustice of the national origins quota system. Under that system the ability of new immigrants to come to America depended upon the country of their birth. Only 3 countries were allowed to supply 70 percent of all the immigrants. Families were kept apart because a husband or a wife or a child had been born in the wrong place. Men of needed skill and talent were denied entrance because they came from southern or eastern Europe or from one of the developing continents. This system violated the basic principle of American democracy; the principle that values and rewards each man on the basis of his merit as a man. It has been un-American in the highest sense, because it has been untrue to the faith that brought thousands to these shores even before we were a country. Today, with my signature, this system is abolished. We can now believe that it will never again shadow the gate to the American nation with the twin barriers of prejudice and privilege. Our beautiful America was built by a nation of strangers. From a hundred different places or more they have poured forth into an empty land, joining and blending in one mighty and irresistible tide. The land flourished because it was fed from so many sources; because it was nourished by so many cultures and traditions and peoples. And from this experience, almost unique in the history of nations, has come America's attitude toward the rest of the world. We, because of what we are, feel safer and stronger in a world as varied as the people who make it up; a world where no country rules another and all countries can deal with the basic problems of human dignity and deal with those problems in their own way. Now, under the monument which has welcomed so many to our shores, the American nation returns to the finest of its traditions today. The days of unlimited immigration are past. But those who do come will come because of what they are, and not because of the land from which they sprung'''. * When the earliest settlers poured into a wild continent there was no one to ask them where they came from. '''The only question was: Were they sturdy enough to make the journey, were they strong enough to clear the land, were they enduring enough to make a home for freedom, and were they brave enough to die for liberty if it became necessary to do so? And so it has been through all the great and testing moments of American history. Our history this year we see in Vietnam. Men there are dying; men named Fernandez and Zajac and Zelinko and Mariano and McCormick. Neither the enemy who killed them nor the people whose independence they have fought to save ever asked them where they or their parents came from. They were all Americans. It was for free men and for America that they gave their all, they gave their lives and selves. By eliminating that same question as a test for immigration the Congress proves ourselves worthy of those men and worthy of our own traditions as a nation'''. * So it is in that spirit that I declare this afternoon to the people of [[Cuba]] that those who seek refuge here in America will find it. The dedication of America to our traditions as an asylum for the oppressed is going to be upheld. I have directed the Departments of State and Justice and Health, Education, and Welfare to immediately make all the necessary arrangements to permit those in Cuba who seek freedom to make an orderly entry into the United States of America. Our first concern will be with those Cubans who have been separated from their children and their parents and their husbands and their wives and that are now in this country. Our next concern is with those who are imprisoned for political reasons. And I will send to the Congress tomorrow a request for supplementary funds of $12,600,000 to carry forth the commitment that I am making today. I am asking the [[United States Department of State|Department of State]] to seek through the [[Switzerland|Swiss government]] immediately the agreement of the Cuban government in a request to the President of the [[w:International_Red_Cross_Committee|International Red Cross Committee]]. The request is for the assistance of the Committee in processing the movement of refugees from Cuba to Miami. [[Miami]] will serve as a port of entry and a temporary stopping place for refugees as they settle in other parts of this country. And to all the voluntary agencies in the United States, I appeal for their continuation and expansion of their magnificent work. Their help is needed in the reception and the settlement of those who choose to leave Cuba. The Federal Government will work closely with these agencies in their tasks of charity and brotherhood. I want all the people of this great land of ours to know of the really enormous contribution which the compassionate citizens of Florida have made to humanity and to decency. And all States in this Union can join with [[Florida]] now in extending the hand of helpfulness and humanity to our Cuban brothers. The lesson of our times is sharp and clear in this movement of people from one land to another. Once again, it stamps the mark of failure on a regime when many of its citizens voluntarily choose to leave the land of their birth for a more hopeful home in America. The future holds little hope for any government where the present holds no hope for the people. And so we Americans will welcome these Cuban people. For the tides of history run strong, and in another day they can return to their homeland to find it cleansed of terror and free from fear. Over my shoulders here you can see Ellis Island, whose vacant corridors echo today the joyous sound of long ago voices. And today we can all believe that the lamp of this grand old lady is brighter today; and the golden door that she guards gleams more brilliantly in the light of an increased liberty for the people from all the countries of the globe. Thank you very much. ====State of the Union Address (1966)==== :<small>[http://millercenter.org/president/speeches/speech-4035 State of the Union Address (12 January 1966).]</small> * Mr. Speaker, Mr. President, members of the House and the Senate, my fellow Americans. I come before you tonight to report on the State of the Union for the third time. I come here to thank you and to add my tribute, once more, to the nation's gratitude for this, the 89th Congress. This Congress has already reserved for itself an honored chapter in the history of America. Our nation tonight is engaged in a brutal and bitter conflict in Vietnam. Later on I want to discuss that struggle in some detail with you. It just must be the center of our concerns. But we will not permit those who fire upon us in Vietnam to win a victory over the desires and the intentions of all the American people. This nation is mighty enough, its society is healthy enough, its people are strong enough, to pursue our goals in the rest of the world while still building a Great Society here at home. And that is what I have come here to ask of you tonight. * I recommend that you provide the resources to carry forward, with full vigor, the great health and education programs that you enacted into law last year. I recommend that we prosecute with vigor and determination our war on poverty. I recommend that you give a new and daring direction to our foreign aid program, designed to make a maximum attack on hunger and disease and ignorance in those countries that are determined to help themselves, and to help those nations that are trying to control population growth. I recommend that you make it possible to expand trade between the United States and Eastern Europe and the Soviet Union. I recommend to you a program to rebuild completely, on a scale never before attempted, entire central and slum areas of several of our cities in America. I recommend that you attack the wasteful and degrading poisoning of our rivers, and, as the cornerstone of this effort, clean completely entire large river basins. I recommend that you meet the growing menace of crime in the streets by building up law enforcement and by revitalizing the entire federal system from prevention to probation. I recommend that you take additional steps to insure equal justice to all of our people by effectively enforcing nondiscrimination in federal and state jury selection, by making it a serious federal crime to obstruct public and private efforts to secure civil rights, and by outlawing discrimination in the sale and rental of housing. I recommend that you help me modernize and streamline the federal government by creating a new Cabinet-level Department of Transportation and reorganizing several existing agencies. In turn, I will restructure our civil service in the top grades so that men and women can easily be assigned to jobs where they are most needed, and ability will be both required as well as rewarded. I will ask you to make it possible for members of the House of Representatives to work more effectively in the service of the nation through a constitutional amendment extending the term of a Congressman to four years, concurrent with that of the President. Because of Vietnam we cannot do all that we should, or all that we would like to do. We will ruthlessly attack waste and inefficiency. We will make sure that every dollar is spent with the thrift and with the commonsense which recognizes how hard the taxpayer worked in order to earn it. We will continue to meet the needs of our people by continuing to develop the Great Society. Last year alone the wealth that we produced increased $47 billion, and it will soar again this year to a total over $720 billion. Because our economic policies have produced rising revenues, if you approve every program that I recommend tonight, our total budget deficit will be one of the lowest in many years. It will be only $1.8 billion next year. Total spending in the administrative budget will be $112.8 billion. Revenues next year will be $111 billion. On a cash basis—which is the way that you and I keep our family budget—the federal budget next year will actually show a surplus. That is to say, if we include all the money that your government will take in and all the money that your government will spend, your government next year will collect one-half billion dollars more than it will spend in the year 1967. I have not come here tonight to ask for pleasant luxuries or for idle pleasures. I have come here to recommend that you, the representatives of the richest nation on earth, you, the elected servants of a people who live in abundance unmatched on this globe, you bring the most urgent decencies of life to all of your fellow Americans. * There are men who cry out, 'We must sacrifice'. Well, let us rather ask them: Who will they sacrifice? Are they going to sacrifice the children who seek the learning, or the sick who need medical care, or the families who dwell in squalor now brightened by the hope of home? Will they sacrifice opportunity for the distressed, the beauty of our land, the hope of our poor? Time may require further sacrifices. And if it does, then we will make them. But we will not heed those who wring it from the hopes of the unfortunate here in a land of plenty. I believe that we can continue the Great Society while we fight in Vietnam. But if there are some who do not believe this, then, in the name of justice, let them call for the contribution of those who live in the fullness of our blessing, rather than try to strip it from the hands of those that are most in need. And let no one think that the unfortunate and the oppressed of this land sit stifled and alone in their hope tonight. Hundreds of their servants and their protectors sit before me tonight here in this great chamber. The Great Society leads us along three roads—growth and justice and liberation. First is growth—the national prosperity which supports the well-being of our people and which provides the tools of our progress. I can report to you tonight what you have seen for yourselves already—in every city and countryside. This nation is flourishing. Workers are making more money than ever—with after-tax income in the past five years up 33 percent; in the last year alone, up 8 percent. More people are working than ever before in our history—an increase last year of two and a half million jobs. Corporations have greater after-tax earnings than ever in history. For the past five years those earnings have been up over 65 percent, and last year alone they had a rise of 20 percent. Average farm income is higher than ever. Over the past five years it is up 40 percent, and over the past year it is up 22 percent alone. * I was informed this afternoon by the distinguished Secretary of the Treasury that his preliminary estimates indicate that our balance of payments deficit has been reduced from $2.8 billion in 1964 to $1.3 billion, or less, in 1965. This achievement has been made possible by the patriotic voluntary cooperation of businessmen and bankers working with your government. We must now work together with increased urgency to wipe out this balance of payments deficit altogether in the next year. And as our economy surges toward new heights we must increase our vigilance against the inflation which raises the cost of living and which lowers the savings of every family in this land. It is essential, to prevent inflation, that we ask both labor and business to exercise price and wage restraint, and I do so again tonight. I believe it desirable, because of increased military expenditures, that you temporarily restore the automobile and certain telephone excise tax reductions made effective only 12 days ago. Without raising taxes—or even increasing the total tax bill paid—we should move to improve our withholding system so that Americans can more realistically pay as they go, speed up the collection of corporate taxes, and make other necessary simplifications of the tax structure at an early date. * I hope these measures will be adequate. But if the necessities of Vietnam require it, I will not hesitate to return to the Congress for additional appropriations, or additional revenues if they are needed. The second road is justice. '''Justice means a man's hope should not be limited by the color of his skin'''. I propose legislation to establish unavoidable requirements for nondiscriminatory jury selection in federal and state courts—and to give the Attorney General the power necessary to enforce those requirements. I propose legislation to strengthen authority of federal courts to try those who murder, attack, or intimidate either civil rights workers or others exercising their constitutional rights—and to increase penalties to a level equal to the nature of the crime. Legislation, resting on the fullest constitutional authority of the federal government, to prohibit racial discrimination in the sale or rental of housing. For that other nation within a nation—the poor—whose distress has now captured the conscience of America, I will ask the Congress not only to continue, but to speed up the war on poverty. And in so doing, we will provide the added energy of achievement with the increased efficiency of experience. To improve the life of our rural Americans and our farm population, we will plan for the future through the establishment of several new Community Development Districts, improved education through the use of Teacher Corps teams, better health measures, physical examinations, and adequate and available medical resources. * For those who labor, I propose to improve unemployment insurance, to expand minimum wage benefits, and by the repeal of section 14(b) of the Taft-Hartley Act to make the labor laws in all our states equal to the laws of the 31 states which do not have tonight right-to-work measures. And I also intend to ask the Congress to consider measures which, without improperly invading state and local authority, will enable us effectively to deal with strikes which threaten irreparable damage to the national interest. The third path is the path of liberation. It is to use our success for the fulfillment of our lives. A great nation is one which breeds a great people. A great people flower not from wealth and power, but from a society which spurs them to the fullness of their genius. That alone is a Great Society. Yet, slowly, painfully, on the edge of victory, has come the knowledge that shared prosperity is not enough. In the midst of abundance modern man walks oppressed by forces which menace and confine the quality of his life, and which individual abundance alone will not overcome. We can subdue and we can master these forces—bring increased meaning to our lives—if all of us, government and citizens, are bold enough to change old ways, daring enough to assault new dangers, and if the dream is dear enough to call forth the limitless capacities of this great people. * This year we must continue to improve the quality of American life. Let us fulfill and improve the great health and education programs of last year, extending special opportunities to those who risk their lives in our armed forces. I urge the House of Representatives to complete action on three programs already passed by the Senate—the Teacher Corps, rent assistance, and home rule for the District of Columbia. In some of our urban areas we must help rebuild entire sections and neighborhoods containing, in some cases, as many as 100,000 people. Working together, private enterprise and government must press forward with the task of providing homes and shops, parks and hospitals, and all the other necessary parts of a flourishing community where our people can come to live the good life. I will offer other proposals to stimulate and to reward planning for the growth of entire metropolitan areas. Of all the reckless devastations of our national heritage, none is really more shameful than the continued poisoning of our rivers and our air. We must undertake a cooperative effort to end pollution in several river basins, making additional funds available to help draw the plans and construct the plants that are necessary to make the waters of our entire river systems clean, and make them a source of pleasure and beauty for all of our people. To attack and to overcome growing crime and lawlessness, I think we must have a stepped-up program to help modernize and strengthen our local police forces. Our people have a right to feel secure in their homes and on their streets—and that right just must be secured. Nor can we fail to arrest the destruction of life and property on our highways. * I will propose a Highway Safety Act of 1966 to seek an end to this mounting tragedy. We must also act to prevent the deception of the American consumer—requiring all packages to state clearly and truthfully their contents—all interest and credit charges to be fully revealed—and keeping harmful drugs and cosmetics away from our stores. It is the genius of our Constitution that under its shelter of enduring institutions and rooted principles there is ample room for the rich fertility of American political invention. We must change to master change. I propose to take steps to modernize and streamline the executive branch, to modernize the relations between city and state and nation. A new Department of Transportation is needed to bring together our transportation activities. The present structure—35 government agencies, spending $5 billion yearly—makes it almost impossible to serve either the growing demands of this great nation or the needs of the industry, or the right of the taxpayer to full efficiency and real frugality. I will propose in addition a program to construct and to flight-test a new supersonic transport airplane that will fly three times the speed of sound—in excess of 2,000 miles per hour. I propose to examine our federal system-the relation between city, state, nation, and the citizens themselves. We need a commission of the most distinguished scholars and men of public affairs to do this job. I will ask them to move on to develop a creative federalism to best use the wonderful diversity of our institutions and our people to solve the problems and to fulfill the dreams of the American people. As the process of election becomes more complex and more costly, we must make it possible for those without personal wealth to enter public life without being obligated to a few large contributors. Therefore, I will submit legislation to revise the present unrealistic restriction on contributions—to prohibit the endless proliferation of committees, bringing local and state committees under the act—to attach strong teeth and severe penalties to the requirement of full disclosure of contributions—and to broaden the participation of the people, through added tax incentives, to stimulate small contributions to the party and to the candidate of their choice. * To strengthen the work of Congress I strongly urge an amendment to provide a four-year term for Members of the House of Representatives—which should not begin before 1972. The present two-year term requires most members of Congress to divert enormous energies to an almost constant process of campaigning—depriving this nation of the fullest measure of both their skill and their wisdom. Today, too, the work of government is far more complex than in our early years, requiring more time to learn and more time to master the technical tasks of legislating. And a longer term will serve to attract more men of the highest quality to political life. The nation, the principle of democracy, and, I think, each congressional district, will all be better served by a four-year term for members of the House. And I urge your swift action. Tonight the cup of peril is full in Vietnam. That conflict is not an isolated episode, but another great event in the policy that we have followed with strong consistency since World War II. The touchstone of that policy is the interest of the United States—the welfare and the freedom of the people of the United States. But nations sink when they see that interest only through a narrow glass. In a world that has grown small and dangerous, pursuit of narrow aims could bring decay and even disaster. An America that is mighty beyond description—yet living in a hostile or despairing world—would be neither safe nor free to build a civilization to liberate the spirit of man. In this pursuit we helped rebuild Western Europe. We gave our aid to Greece and Turkey, and we defended the freedom of Berlin. In this pursuit we have helped new nations toward independence. We have extended the helping hand of the Peace Corps and carried forward the largest program of economic assistance in the world. And in this pursuit we work to build a hemisphere of democracy and of social justice. In this pursuit we have defended against Communist aggression—in Korea under President Truman—in the Formosa Straits under President Eisenhower—in Cuba under President Kennedy—and again in Vietnam. *Tonight Vietnam must hold the center of our attention, but across the world problems and opportunities crowd in on the American Nation. I will discuss them fully in the months to come, and I will follow the five continuing lines of policy that America has followed under its last four Presidents. The first principle is strength. Tonight I can tell you that we are strong enough to keep all of our commitments. We will need expenditures of $58.3 billion for the next fiscal year to maintain this necessary defense might. While special Vietnam expenditures for the next fiscal year are estimated to increase by $5.8 billion, I can tell you that all the other expenditures put together in the entire federal budget will rise this coming year by only $0.6 billion. This is true because of the stringent cost-conscious economy program inaugurated in the Defense Department, and followed by the other departments of government. A second principle of policy is the effort to control, and to reduce, and to ultimately eliminate the modern engines of destruction. We will vigorously pursue existing proposals—and seek new ones—to control arms and to stop the spread of nuclear weapons. A third major principle of our foreign policy is to help build those associations of nations which reflect the opportunities and the necessities of the modern world. By strengthening the common defense, by stimulating world commerce, by meeting new hopes, these associations serve the cause of a flourishing world. We will take new steps this year to help strengthen the Alliance for Progress, the unity of Europe, the community of the Atlantic, the regional organizations of developing continents, and that supreme association—the United Nations. We will work to strengthen economic cooperation, to reduce barriers to trade, and to improve international finance. * A fourth enduring strand of policy has been to help improve the life of man. From the Marshall Plan to this very moment tonight, that policy has rested on the claims of compassion, and the certain knowledge that only a people advancing in expectation will build secure and peaceful lands. This year I propose major new directions in our program of foreign assistance to help those countries who will help themselves. We will conduct a worldwide attack on the problems of hunger and disease and ignorance. We will place the matchless skill and the resources of our own great America, in farming and in fertilizers, at the service of those countries committed to develop a modern agriculture. We will aid those who educate the young in other lands, and we will give children in other continents the same head start that we are trying to give our own children. To advance these ends I will propose the International Education Act of 1966. I will also propose the International Health Act of 1966 to strike at disease by a new effort to bring modern skills and knowledge to the uncared—for, those suffering in the world, and by trying to wipe out smallpox and malaria and control yellow fever over most of the world during this next decade; to help countries trying to control population growth, by increasing our research—and we will earmark funds to help their efforts. In the next year, from our foreign aid sources, we propose to dedicate $1 billion to these efforts, and we call on all who have the means to join us in this work in the world. * The fifth and most important principle of our foreign policy is support of national independence—the right of each people to govern themselves—and to shape their own institutions. For a peaceful world order will be possible only when each country walks the way that it has chosen to walk for itself. We follow this principle by encouraging the end of colonial rule. We follow this principle, abroad as well as at home, by continued hostility to the rule of the many by the few—or the oppression of one race by another. We follow this principle by building bridges to Eastern Europe. And I will ask the Congress for authority to remove the special tariff restrictions which are a barrier to increasing trade between the East and the West. The insistent urge toward national independence is the strongest force of today's world in which we live. In Africa and Asia and Latin America it is shattering the designs of those who would subdue others to their ideas or their will. It is eroding the unity of what was once a Stalinist empire. In recent months a number of nations have east out those who would subject them to the ambitions of mainland China. History is on the side of freedom and is on the side of societies shaped from the genius of each people. History does not favor a single system or belief—unless force is used to make it so. That is why it has been necessary for us to defend this basic principle of our policy, to defend it in Berlin, in Korea, in Cuba—and tonight in Vietnam. * For tonight, as so many nights before, young Americans struggle and young Americans die in a distant land. Tonight, as so many nights before, the American Nation is asked to sacrifice the blood of its children and the fruits of its labor for the love of its freedom. How many times—in my lifetime and in yours—have the American people gathered, as they do now, to hear their President tell them of conflict and tell them of danger? Each time they have answered. They have answered with all the effort that the security and the freedom of this nation required. And they do again tonight in Vietnam. Not too many years ago Vietnam was a peaceful, if troubled, land. In the North was an independent Communist government. In the South a people struggled to build a nation, with the friendly help of the United States. There were some in South Vietnam who wished to force Communist rule on their own people. But their progress was slight. Their hope of success was dim. Then, little more than six years ago, North Vietnam decided on conquest. And from that day to this, soldiers and supplies have moved from North to South in a swelling stream that is swallowing the remnants of revolution in aggression. As the assault mounted, our choice gradually became clear. We could leave, abandoning South Vietnam to its attackers and to certain conquest, or we could stay and fight beside the people of South Vietnam. We stayed. And we will stay until aggression has stopped. * We will stay because a just nation cannot leave to the cruelties of its enemies a people who have staked their lives and independence on America's solemn pledge—a pledge which has grown through the commitments of three American Presidents. We will stay because in Asia and around the world are countries whose independence rests, in large measure, on confidence in America's word and in America's protection. To yield to force in Vietnam would weaken that confidence, would undermine the independence of many lands, and would whet the appetite of aggression. We would have to fight in one land, and then we would have to fight in another—or abandon much of Asia to the domination of Communists. And we do not intend to abandon Asia to conquest. * Last year the nature of the war in Vietnam changed again. Swiftly increasing numbers of armed men from the North crossed the borders to join forces that were already in the South. Attack and terror increased, spurred and encouraged by the belief that the United States lacked the will to continue and that their victory was near. Despite our desire to limit conflict, it was necessary to act: to hold back the mounting aggression, to give courage to the people of the South, and to make our firmness clear to the North. Thus. we began limited air action against military targets in North Vietnam. We increased our fighting force to its present strength tonight of 190,000 men. These moves have not ended the aggression but they have prevented its success. The aims of the enemy have been put out of reach by the skill and the bravery of Americans and their allies—and by the enduring courage of the South Vietnamese who, I can tell you, have lost eight men last year for every one of ours. The enemy is no longer close to victory. Time is no longer on his side. '''There is no cause to doubt the American commitment. Our decision to stand firm has been matched by our desire for peace.''' *In 1965 alone we had 300 private talks for peace in Vietnam, with friends and adversaries throughout the world. Since Christmas your government has labored again, with imagination and endurance, to remove any barrier to peaceful settlement. For 20 days now we and our Vietnamese allies have dropped no bombs in North Vietnam. Able and experienced spokesmen have visited, in behalf of America, more than 40 countries. We have talked to more than a hundred governments, all 113 that we have relations with, and some that we don't. We have talked to the United Nations and we have called upon all of its members to make any contribution that they can toward helping obtain peace. In public statements and in private communications, to adversaries and to friends, in [[Rome]] and [[w:Warsaw|Warsaw]], in [[Paris]] and [[w:Tokyo|Tokyo]], in [[Africa]] and throughout this hemisphere, America has made her position abundantly clear. We seek neither territory nor bases, economic domination or military alliance in Vietnam. We fight for the principle of self-determination—that the people of South Vietnam should be able to choose their own course, choose it in free elections without violence, without terror, and without fear. The people of all Vietnam should make a free decision on the great question of reunification. This is all we want for South Vietnam. It is all the people of South Vietnam want. And if there is a single nation on this earth that desires less than this for its own people, then let its voice be heard. We have also made it clear—from Hanoi to New York—that there are no arbitrary limits to our search for peace. We stand by the Geneva Agreements of 1954 and 1962. We will meet at any conference table, we will discuss any proposals—four points or 14 or 40—and we will consider the views of any group. We will work for a cease-fire now or once discussions have begun. We will respond if others reduce their use of force, and we will withdraw our soldiers once South Vietnam is securely guaranteed the right to shape its own future. We have said all this, and we have asked—and hoped—and we have waited for a response. So far we have received no response to prove either success or failure. * We have carried our quest for peace to many nations and peoples because we share this planet with others whose future, in large measure, is tied to our own action, and whose counsel is necessary to our own hopes. We have found understanding and support. And we know they wait with us tonight for some response that could lead to peace. I wish tonight that I could give you a blueprint for the course of this conflict over the coming months, but we just cannot know what the future may require. We may have to face long, hard combat or a long, hard conference, or even both at once. Until peace comes, or if it does not come, our course is clear. We will act as we must to help protect the independence of the valiant people of South Vietnam. We will strive to limit the conflict, for we wish neither increased destruction nor do we want to invite increased danger. But we will give our fighting men what they must have: every gun, and every dollar, and every decision—whatever the cost or whatever the challenge. And we will continue to help the people of South Vietnam care for those that are ravaged by battle, create progress in the villages, and carry forward the healing hopes of peace as best they can amidst the uncertain terrors of war. And let me be absolutely clear: The days may become months, and the months may become years, but we will stay as long as aggression commands us to battle. There may be some who do not want peace, whose ambitions stretch so far that war in Vietnam is but a welcome and convenient episode in an immense design to subdue history to their will. But for others it must now be clear—the choice is not between peace and victory, it lies between peace and the ravages of a conflict from which they can only lose. * The people of Vietnam, north and south, seek the same things, the shared needs of man, the needs for food and shelter and education—the chance to build and work and till the soil, free from the arbitrary horrors of battle, the desire to walk in the dignity of those who master their own destiny. For many painful years, in war and revolution and infrequent peace, they have struggled to fulfill those needs. It is a crime against mankind that so much courage, and so much will, and so many dreams, must be flung on the fires of war and death. To all of those caught up in this conflict we therefore say again tonight, 'Let us choose peace, and with it the wondrous works of peace, and beyond that, the time when hope reaches toward consummation, and life is the servant of life'. In this work, we plan to discharge our duty to the people whom we serve. This is the State of the Union. But over it all—wealth, and promise, and expectation—lies our troubling awareness of American men at war tonight. *'''How many men who listen to me tonight have served their nation in other wars? How very many are not here to listen? The war in Vietnam is not like these other wars. Yet, finally, war is always the same. It is young men dying in the fullness of their promise. It is trying to kill a man that you do not even know well enough to hate. Therefore, to know war is to know that there is still madness in this world'''. *Many of you share the burden of this knowledge tonight with me. But there is a difference. For finally I must be the one to order our guns to fire, against all the most inward pulls of my desire. For we have children to teach, and we have sick to be cured, and we have men to be freed. There are poor to be lifted up, and there are cities to be built, and there is a world to be helped. Yet we do what we must. I am hopeful, and I will try as best I can, with everything I have got, to end this battle and to return our sons to their desires. Yet as long as others will challenge America's security and test the clearness of our beliefs with fire and steel, then we must stand or see the promise of two centuries tremble. I believe tonight that you do not want me to try that risk. And from that belief your President summons his strength for the trials that lie ahead in the days to come. The work must be our work now. Scarred by the weaknesses of man, with whatever guidance God may offer us, we must nevertheless and alone with our mortality, strive to ennoble the life of man on earth. Thank you, and goodnight. ====Statement on the Freedom of Information Act (1966)==== <small>[http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/?pid=27700.#axzz2foHNK9TC "Statement by the President Upon Signing the "Freedom of Information Act" (4 July 1966) online at The American Presidency Project by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley]</small> * '''A democracy works best when the people have all the information that the security of the Nation permits. No one should be able to pull curtains of secrecy around decisions which can be revealed without injury to the public interest. At the same time, the welfare of the Nation or the rights of individuals may require that some documents not be made available.''' As long as threats to peace exist, for example, there must be military secrets. '''A citizen must be able in confidence to complain to his Government and to provide information, just as he is&ndash;and should be&ndash;free to confide in the press without fear of reprisal or of being required to reveal or discuss his sources.''' * I have always believed that '''freedom of information is so vital that only the national security, not the desire of public officials or private citizens, should determine when it must be restricted.''' * I signed this measure with a deep sense of pride that '''the United States is an open society in which the people's right to know is cherished and guarded.''' ====Letter to Ho Chi Minh (1967)==== :<small>[http://www.fordham.edu/halsall/mod/1967-vietnam-letters1.html Letter from President Johnson to Ho Chi Minh, President of the Democratic Republic of Vietnam, February 8, 1967]</small> * I am writing to you in the hope that the [[Vietnam War|conflict in Vietnam]] can be brought to an end. That conflict has already taken a heavy toll-in lives lost, in wounds inflicted, in property destroyed, and in simple human misery. If we fail to find a just and peaceful solution, history will judge us harshly. * Therefore, I believe that we both have a heavy obligation to seek earnestly the path to peace. It is in response to that obligation that I am writing directly to you. * We have tried over the past several years, in a variety of ways and through a number of channels, to convey to you and your colleagues our desire to achieve a peaceful settlement. For whatever reasons, these efforts have not achieved any results. . . . * In the past two weeks, I have noted public statements by representatives of your government suggesting that you would be prepared to enter into direct bilateral talks with representatives of the U.S. Government, provided that we ceased "unconditionally" and permanently our bombing operations against your country and all military actions against it. In the last day, serious and responsible parties have assured us indirectly that this is in fact your proposal. * Let me frankly state that I see two great difficulties with this proposal. In view of your public position, such action on our part would inevitably produce worldwide speculation that discussions were under way and would impair the privacy and secrecy of those discussions. Secondly, there would inevitably be grave concern on our part whether your government would make use of such action by us to improve its military position. * With these problems in mind, I am prepared to move even further towards an ending of hostilities than your Government has proposed in either public statements or through private diplomatic channels. I am prepared to order a cessation of bombing against your country and the stopping of further augmentation of U.S. forces in South Viet-Nam as soon as I am assured that infiltration into South Viet-Nam by land and by sea has stopped. These acts of restraint on both sides would, I believe, make it possible for us to conduct serious and private discussions leading toward an early peace. * I make this proposal to you now with a specific sense of urgency arising from the imminent New Year holidays in Viet-Nam. If you are able to accept this proposal I see no reason why it could not take effect at the end of the New Year, or Tet, holidays. The proposal I have made would be greatly strengthened if your military authorities and those of the Government of South Viet-Nam could promptly negotiate an extension of the Tet truce. * As to the site of the bilateral discussions I propose, there are several possibilities. We could, for example, have our representatives meet in Moscow where contacts have already occurred. They could meet in some other country such as [[Myanmar|Burma]]. You may have other arrangements or sites in mind, and I would try to meet your suggestions. * The important thing is to end a conflict that has brought burdens to both our peoples, and above all to the people of South Viet-Nam. If you have any thoughts about the actions I propose , it would be most important that I receive them as soon as possible. ==== National Farmers Union Convention remarks (March 1968) ==== :<small>President Johnson's address at the Leamington Hotel. (March 18, 1968). Source: [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/remarks-delegates-the-national-farmers-union-convention-minneapolis Remarks to Delegates to the National Farmers Union Convention in Minneapolis, The American Presidency Project.]</small> * I think, I hope, I believe I know what the farmer wants--and I want the farmer to have it. I think that all of you want a fair price for your products--and if I have the power, you will have it. I think that all of you want assurance that rising costs will not wipe out a lifetime investment--and I pledge you that if I can help you, every resource of mine you will have, including assurances that we will do everything that we can to control rising costs. You want parity--you want a fair deal-you want an even chance to share in the rich and good life of this Nation--and I want you to have it. You want the justice, the decency, and the opportunity that every American has the right to claim as his native right--and you will have them. And so long as I am your President, you will always have my understanding, my admiration, and my wholehearted support in fighting with you to try to reach these goals. And we know that it will be a fight. * There are some people in this country who have forgotten that without farms there would be no factories. There are some people who must know that without our people, there would be no cities. There are those who no longer believe, it seems, in the partnership between the farmer and the Government--who tell us, on the airwaves from time to time, that we should "Get the Government out of agriculture." There are those who fail to realize that many of the problems of urban America are a reflection of the failures in rural America. And when you get the Government out of agriculture, you sometimes get the farmer off the farm. You know--as I know--that the farmer's problems are the problems of all America, and not any one group. And you know that the solutions to those problems are going to require the sympathy, the understanding, and the help of each good American in this country. So I did my spring planting a little early this year. Three weeks ago, the President sent to the Congress a message on the farmer and rural America. Just as I asked the mayors and the businessmen and other good Americans to read the report made by the national disorder commission on the problems in the cities, I ask each of you and all of you to get a copy of that message, and read the farm program outlined in that message. Try to help us preserve this freedom for the farmer and a reasonable amount of prosperity for his family. Now, when you read that message, or when you see that message, much of it is going to sound familiar to the Farmers Union, because you and your leaders designed much of it, recommended much of it, and supported all of it. * I asked Congress to extend the supply management programs of the Food and Agriculture Act of 1965, and I asked them to extend it this year. Chairman Poage tells me that his committee will give consideration to these recommendations shortly. We hope that with his assistance, and with Walter Mondale's assistance, with the help of all the Minnesota delegation, we can get permanent authority. The farmer should not be asked to grow more than the market can take at a fair price. I have asked the Congress to continue the direct payment programs of the 1965 act-they are the difference between profit and loss for many farmers each year. I have asked the Congress to extend the Food for Freedom Act for an additional 3 years--because it is right for this Nation, whose sons came from many nations, to try to help hungry people eat when we have an abundance--and because I think it is good business for our farmers to help build new markets for our products in other lands around the world. I have asked the Congress to authorize a National Food Bank--a security reserve for wheat, feed grains, soybeans--which would give the farmer higher prices, protect the consumer from food scarcities and shortages, and provide the Government with an emergency food "cushion" in reaching supply-management decisions so we would not get caught short when we had a bad estimate. I have asked the Congress to find the ways to give the farmer more bargaining power in the marketplace. Our working people and our good laboring friends in this country have not met all their needs or their desires. They still have many objectives and goals that we want to help them reach. But the reason the farmer's income does not compare favorably with a laboring man's income is one reason, primarily, in my judgment: Labor has bargaining power; the farmer has none. If you are to continue to pay the prices that industry charges and sets, if you are to continue to pay the wages that American workers are entitled to get, you are going to have to be put on an equal basis with industry and labor in bargaining power. As you have so many times in the past, the Farmers Union has joined with us to help us to work, strive, and fight in order to get bargaining power for the American farmer. Finally, I have asked the Congress for the programs to bring parity of opportunity to the rural children in America; to give them better elementary education; to give them better library facilities; to give them better transportation; to give us better farm credit; to give us more rural jobs; to give us decent housing; to give us adequate diets, with adequate consumer protection for the housewives; to give us the chance to lead a full and productive life. [[File:WASHINGTON FARMER ON HIS LAND WITH ALUMINIUM PLANT SMOKESTACKS IN BACKGROUND - NARA - 545087.jpg|thumb|Some voices today express doubt that the American farm and the American farmer can survive. They say that we must sacrifice that priceless heritage--that American dream--on the altar of progress. I say that they are just as wrong as they can possibly be.]] * The average farm family doesn't ask for much: the right to earn enough to clothe the bodies of their children, and to fill the stomachs of their hungry; to provide a roof over their house where they live; to have a school that their children can attend and a church where they can worship according to the dictates of their own conscience; and occasional recreation--to ride a boat, to see a movie, or some little something once in a while. That is not asking much. It is not too much. But until we get it, we are not going to be satisfied--and we are going to fight together--until we reach those goals, until we reach those objectives. During the months to come, you are going to hear these programs cussed--you may hear something cussed besides programs, too--and you are going to hear them discussed. I tell you now, it is not going to be easy to pass them. It is going to be harder this session than it would be in a normal session, because some of you may remember that there is something coming up down the road in November. '''Some voices today express doubt that the American farm and the American farmer can survive. They say that we must sacrifice that priceless heritage--that American dream--on the altar of progress. I say that they are just as wrong as they can possibly be.''' If the farmers of America will only wake up and speak up courageously and forcefully in their own behalf--if we and you together have the patience and the determination, and the good, common horse sense to preserve, improve, and build upon the progress we have made in our agricultural programs-if we trust our hopes instead of relying on our fears and the demagogues who would mislead us, American agriculture can grow and prosper as it has never grown before. I believe--and I have been in most of the 50 States of this Union, and I am just a few hours away from rural America at this moment--that rural America stands for the very best in all America. * For many years we have been engaged in a struggle in Southeast Asia to stop the onrushing tide of Communist aggression. We faced it when the Greek Communists were a few miles out of Athens a few years ago. We faced it when we had to fly zero weather into Berlin to feed the people when that city was beleaguered and cut off. We faced it on the Pusan Peninsula when our men were fighting for the hills of Korea and everybody said, "They are not worth it." We fight Communist aggression the same today in Southeast Asia. This tide threatens to engulf that part of the world, and to affect the safety of every American home. It threatens our own security and it threatens the security of every nation allied with us. The blood of our young men this hour is being shed on that soil. They know why they are there. I read 100 letters from them every week. They do not have the doubts that some at home preach. They have seen the enemy's determination. They have felt his thrust trying to conquer those who want to be left alone to determine their government for themselves, but whom the aggressor has marched over to try to envelop. Our fighting men know, from the evidence in their eyes, that we face a ruthless enemy. You make a serious mistake if you underestimate that enemy, his cause, and the effect of his conquest. They know from the carnage of the enemy's treacherous assaults that he has no feelings about deliberate murder of innocent women and children in the villages and the cities of South Vietnam. They are not misled by propaganda or by the effort to gloss over the actions of an enemy who, I remind each of you, has broken every truce, and who makes no secret whatever of his intention and his determination to conquer by force and by aggression his neighbors to the south. At the same time, during these past 4 years, we have made remarkable strides here at home. We have opened the doors of freedom, full citizenship, and opportunity, to 30 million minority people, and we have sustained the highest level of prosperity for the longest period of time ever known. But the time has come this morning when your President has come here to ask you people, and all the other people of this Nation, to join us in a total national effort to win the war, to win the peace, and to complete the job that must be done here at home. I ask all of you to join in a program of national austerity to insure that our economy will prosper and that our fiscal position will be sound. [[File:LBJ HHH.jpg|thumb|I believe all peoples want peace. I know that our peoples want peace, because we are a peace-loving nation. There is none among you who desires peace more than your own President and your own Vice President. We hope to achieve an honorable peace and a just peace at the negotiating table. But wanting peace, praying for peace, and desiring peace, as Chamberlain found out, doesn't always give you peace.]] * I am consulting with the Congress now on proposals for savings in our national budget--in nondefense, non-Vietnam, in other items all across the board. If I can get the help of the Congress--and it is their will---we shall make reductions in that budget. They will postpone many needed actions that all of us would like to see taken in another time. All travel outside the Western Hemisphere by Government officials and by all private citizens which is not absolutely essential to you should, in the interest of your country, be postponed. I have already called for savings and cuts in expenditures and investments abroad by private corporations. We are going to intensify this program. We have spent the weekend in an attempt to deal with the very troublesome gold problem. We have said that we are no longer going to be a party to encouraging the gold gambler or the gold speculator. Most of all, I ask your help, and I come here to plead for your patriotic support, for our men, our sons, who are bearing the terrible burden of battle in Vietnam. We seek not the victory of conquest, but we do seek the triumph of justice--the right of neighbors to be left alone; the right to determine for themselves what kind of a government to have. We seek that right and we will--make no mistake about it--win. I am deeply aware of the yearning throughout this country, in every home of this land and throughout the Western world, for peace in the world. '''I believe all peoples want peace. I know that our peoples want peace, because we are a peace-loving nation. There is none among you who desires peace more than your own President and your own Vice President. We hope to achieve an honorable peace and a just peace at the negotiating table. But wanting peace, praying for peace, and desiring peace, as Chamberlain found out, doesn't always give you peace.''' If the enemy continues to insist, as he does now--when he refuses to sit down and accept the fair proposition we made, that we would stop our bombing if he would sit down and talk promptly and productively-if he continues to insist, as he does now, that the outcome must be determined on the battlefield, then we will win peace on the battlefield by supporting our men who are doing that job there now. We have a constitutional system. A majority of Americans have the right to select the leaders of their own choosing. That is all we are asking for in South Vietnam. * Your President welcomes suggestions from committees, from commissions, from Congress, from private individuals, from clubs, from anyone who has a plan or program that can stand inspection and can offer us any hope of successfully reaching our goal, which is peace in the world. We consider them all, long and late. We work every day of every week trying to find the answer. But when aggressors in the world are on the march, as they were in World War I and II, as they were in Korea, as they were in Berlin, and as they were in other places in our national history, then we must unite until we convince them that they know they cannot win the battle in South Vietnam from our boys, as they are trying to win the battle from our leaders here in Washington in this country. That is very dangerous for them, to think for a moment that they can attack the moral fiber of our own country to the point where our people will not support the policy of their own Government, of their own men whom they have committed to battle. You may not have a boy in that battle that is going on now---or you may. But whether you do or you don't, our policy ought to be the same. We ought not let them win something in Washington that they can't win in Hue, in the I Corps, or in Khe Sanh. And we are not going to. * Now, this one final word: We ask every Senator, every Congressman, every farmer, and every businessman to join with us in our program of trying to unite this Nation, and trying to support our commitments and our own security. We thought in the early years of World War I, before the Lusitania was sunk, that we had no concern with what happened across the waters. But we soon found out that we couldn't stand on that position. We thought in World War II that we had no concern with what Hitler was doing in other parts of the world, and he wasn't very dangerous anyway, and we could sit this one out. But we soon found that we lived in a very small world. Even though we hadn't gone beyond our shores, they sank our fleet at Pearl Harbor. We soon learned that we must never permit an aggressor's appetite to go uncontrolled because the person he eats up today may make him more hungry for you tomorrow. We want peace and we are ready to meet now, this minute. But you may want peace with your neighbor, too, and you may be willing to go across the road and into his yard to try to talk him into it. But if he keeps his door barred and every time you call him the call goes unanswered, and he refuses to meet you halfway, your wanting peace with him won't get it for you. So as long as he feels that he can win something by propaganda in the country--that he can undermine the leadership-that he can bring down the government--that he can get something in the capital that he can't get from our men out there--he is going to keep on trying. * There are good, sincere, genuine people who believe that there are plans that could bring us to peace soon. Some think that we ought to get it over with, with a much wider war. We have looked at those plans, and looked at them carefully. We have looked at the possible danger of involving another million men. We have tried to evaluate how you could get it over with, with less cost than we are now paying. We do not seek a wider war. We do not think that is a wise course. There is another extreme that thinks that you can just have peace by talking for it, by wishing for it, by saying you want it, and all you need to do is to pull back to the cities. We had that plan tested in the Tet offensive. They killed thousands and thousands in the cities. Those of you who think that you can save lives by moving the battlefield in from the mountains to the cities where the people live have another think coming. If you think you can stop aggression by getting out of its way and letting them take over, roll over you, you have another think coming, too. Most of these people don't say, "Cut and run." They don't say, "Pull out." They don't want a wider war. They don't want to do more than we are doing. They say that they want to do less than we are doing. But we are not doing enough to win it the way we are doing it now, and we are constantly trying to find additional things that it is reasonable, and prudent, and safe to do. So you have one extreme that says, "Let's go in with flags flying and get it over with quickly, regardless of the dangers involved." You have another group that says, "We are doing too much. Let's pull out. Let's be quiet. We want peace." Then you have a third group that says, "We don't want to conquer you. We don't want to destroy your nation. We don't want to divide you. We just want to say to you that we have an obligation. We have signed 42 alliances with people of the world. We have said that when an aggressor comes across this line to try to dominate other people, and they call on us to help, we are going to come and help, until you decide to leave your neighbors alone." * We think that we are making progress on getting them to decide. They think they are making progress on getting us to decide to give up and pull out. But I think they will find out in the days ahead that we are reasonable people, that we are fair people, that we are not folks who want to conquer the world. We don't seek one acre of anybody else's soil. We love nothing more than peace, but we hate nothing more than surrender and cowardice. We don't ask anybody else to surrender. We just ask them to sit down and talk, meet at a family table and try to work out our differences. But we don't plan to surrender, either; we don't plan to pull out, either; we don't plan to let people influence us, pressure us, and force us to divide our Nation in a time of national peril. The hour is here. This Government has the best diplomats. This Government has the best generals. This Government has the best admirals. This Government has the best resources in every corner of the globe. Although I have had more Secretaries of State than any President in modern times, or more would-be Secretaries of State, I still think this Government has one of the most able and patriotic men I have ever known sitting in that chair, and I think his policy is sound. So as we go back to our homes, let's go back dedicated to achieving peace in the world, trying to get a fair balance here at home, trying to make things easier and better for our children than we had them, but, above all, trying to preserve this American system, which is first in the world today. I want it to stay first, but it cannot be first if we pull out and tuck our tail and violate our commitments. ====Televised speech declining re-nomination (March 31, 1968)==== [[File:Flag of the United States (Pantone).svg|thumb|I am a free man, an American, a public servant, and a member of my party, in that order always and only.]] [[File:Lbj2.jpg|thumb|We must always be mindful of this one thing, whatever the trials and the tests ahead. The ultimate strength of our country and our cause will lie not in powerful weapons or infinite resources or boundless wealth, but will lie in the unity of our people.]] {{smallcite|[[w:October surprise|October surprise]] [http://millercenter.virginia.edu/scripps/diglibrary/prezspeeches/johnson/lbj_1968_0331.html address to the nation (31 March 1968)] Also known as ''The President's Address to the Nation Announcing Steps To Limit the War in Vietnam and Reporting His Decision Not To Seek Reelection'' Source: [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/index.php?pid=28772&st=&st1=#axzz2gguIRFi1 Lyndon B. Johnson: "The President's Address to the Nation Announcing Steps To Limit the War in Vietnam and Reporting His Decision Not To Seek Reelection," (31 March 1968) online at The American Presidency Project by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley]}} * '''Of those to whom much is given, much is asked.''' I cannot say and no man could say that no more will be asked of us. ** An allusion to the [[w:Parable of the Faithful Servant|Parable of the Faithful Servant]] * I believe that '''we must always be mindful of this one thing, whatever the trials and the tests ahead. The ultimate strength of our country and our cause will lie not in powerful weapons or infinite resources or boundless wealth, but will lie in the unity of our people.''' * '''Throughout my entire public career I have followed the personal philosophy that I am a free man, an American, a public servant, and a member of my party, in that order always and only.''' For 37 years in the service of our Nation, first as a Congressman, as a Senator, and as Vice President, and now as your President, I have put the unity of the people first. I have put it ahead of any divisive partisanship. And in these times as in times before, it is true that '''a house divided against itself by the spirit of faction, of party, of region, of religion, of race, is a house that cannot stand.''' ** An allusion to the [[w:Lincoln's House Divided Speech|Abraham Lincoln's House Divided Speech]] and a reference to the Gospel of Matthew, 12:25: "[Every] city or house divided against itself shall not stand." * What we won when all of our people united just must not now be lost in suspicion, distrust, selfishness, and politics among any of our people. Believing this as I do, '''I have concluded that I should not permit the Presidency to become involved in the partisan divisions that are developing in this political year.''' With America's sons in the fields far away, with America's future under challenge right here at home, with our hopes and the world's hopes for peace in the balance every day, '''I do not believe that I should devote an hour or a day of my time to any personal partisan causes or to any duties other than the awesome duties of this office&nbsp;— the Presidency of your country. Accordingly, I shall not seek, and I will not accept, the nomination of my party for another term as your President.''' ====Remarks on the Civil Rights Act (1968)==== * In the Civil Rights Act of 1964, we affirmed through law that men equal under God are also equal when they seek a job, when they go to get a meal in a restaurant, or when they seek lodging for the night in any State in the Union. * In the Civil Rights Act of 1965, we affirmed through law for every citizen in this land the most basic right of democracy—the right of a citizen to vote in an election in his country. In the five States where the Act had its greater impact, Negro voter registration has already more than doubled. * We all know that '''the roots of injustice run deep. But violence cannot redress a solitary wrong, or remedy a single unfairness.''' Of course, all America is outraged at the assassination of [[Martin Luther King, Jr.|an outstanding Negro leader]] who was at that meeting that afternoon in the White House in 1966. And America is also outraged at the looting and the burning that defiles our democracy. We just must put our shoulders together and put a stop to both. The time is here. Action must be now. So, I would appeal to my fellow Americans by saying, '''the only real road to progress for free people is through the process of law''' and that is the road that America will travel. ** [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/index.php?pid=28799&st=&st1=#axzz2gguIRFi1 "Remarks Upon Signing the Civil Rights Act (11 April 1968), online at The American Presidency Project by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley] ===1970s=== * It's probably better to have him inside the tent pissing out, than outside the tent pissing in. ** On FBI Director [[J. Edgar Hoover]], as quoted in ''[[w:The New York Times|The New York Times]]'' (31 October 1971) ===Date unknown=== * '''As long as you are black, and you're gonna be black till the day you die, no one's gonna call you by your goddamn name! So no matter what you are called, nigger, you just let it roll off your back like water, and you’ll make it!''' Just pretend you're a goddamn piece of furniture! ** Said to his chauffeur, Robert Parker, when Parker said he’d prefer to be referred to by his name rather than "boy," "nigger" or "chief." As quoted in {{cite book |last1=Parker |first1=Robert |last2=Rashke |first2=Richard L. |date=1989 |title=Capitol Hill in Black and White |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=JKhpZMj8Z6wC |location=United States |publisher=Penguin Group |page=v |isbn=0515101893 |accessdate=6 January 2015}} * '''Making a speech on [[economics]] is a lot like pissing down your leg. It seems hot to you, but it never does to anyone else.''' ** Private comment, as quoted in ''Name-Dropping'' (1999) by [[John Kenneth Galbraith]], p. 149. <!-- London: Aurum Press --> * If the circumstances make it such that you can't fuck a man in the ass, then just peckerslap him. Better to let him know who's in charge than to let him get the keys to the car. ** Private comment, found in ''[[w:White House|White House]] Tapes: Eavesdropping on the President'' (2003) edited by John Prados. * [[Dwight D. Eisenhower|Eisenhower]] used to tell me that this place was a prison. I never felt freer. **As quoted in [http://pqasb.pqarchiver.com/washingtonpost/doc/307079109.html?FMT=ABS&FMTS=ABS:FT&date=Nov+13%2C+1988&author=Moyers%2C+Bill+D&desc=What+a+Real+President+Was+Like%3B+To+Lyndon+Johnson%2C+the+Great+Society+Meant+Hope+and+Dignity "What a Real President Was Like: To Lyndon Johnson, the Great Society Meant Hope and Dignity"], by [[Bill Moyers]], ''The Washington Post'' (13 November 1988) * I'll tell you what's at the bottom of it. '''If you can convince the lowest white man he's better than the best colored man, he won't notice you're picking his pocket. Hell, give him somebody to look down on, and he'll empty his pockets for you.''' **As quoted in [http://pqasb.pqarchiver.com/washingtonpost/doc/307079109.html?FMT=ABS&FMTS=ABS:FT&date=Nov+13%2C+1988&author=Moyers%2C+Bill+D&desc=What+a+Real+President+Was+Like%3B+To+Lyndon+Johnson%2C+the+Great+Society+Meant+Hope+and+Dignity "What a Real President Was Like: To Lyndon Johnson, the Great Society Meant Hope and Dignity"], by [[Bill Moyers]], ''The Washington Post'' (13 November 1988) * [[Gerald Ford|[Gerald] Ford]]'s economics are the worst thing that's happened to this country since pantyhose ruined finger-fucking. ** As quoted in [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0486585/ ''Fuck''] (2005) {{Disputed begin}} == Disputed == [[File:Lyndon Johnson signing Medicare bill, with Harry Truman, July 30, 1965.jpg|thumb|I'll have them niggers voting [[Democratic Party (United States)|Democratic]] for two hundred years.]] * I'll have them niggers voting [[Democratic Party (United States)|Democratic]] for two hundred years. ** Said to two governors regarding the Civil Rights Act of 1964, according to then-''Air Force One'' steward Robert MacMillan. As quoted in [http://books.google.com/books?id=lJz-yIZNE2sC ''Inside the White House''] (1996), by Ronald Kessler, New York: Simon and Schuster, p. 33. **According to ''[https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/lbj-voting-democratic/ Snopes]'' (David Emery, July 26, 2016), "not all of Ronald MacMillan's anecdotes, when checked, check out" and that furthermore "the historical evidence suggests that far from being concerned about securing future generations of black votes, one of Johnson's main worries—which, to his credit, didn't prevent him from pushing for passage of the Civil Rights Act of 1964—was losing the votes of white Southerners". Snopes concluded that while this quote is not impossible, "on balance we have to question its authenticity". {{Disputed end}} {{misattributed begin}} == Misattributed == * We have just lost the South for a generation. ''or, sometimes quoted as:'' ** I think we just delivered the South to the Republican Party for a long time to come. ** Very widely quoted as an aside to an aide, upon signing the [[w:Civil Rights Act of 1964|Civil Rights Act of 1964]]. For example, in a [https://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2014/04/10/remarks-president-lbj-presidential-library-civil-rights-summit speech by Barack Obama at the LBJ Presidential Library] in 2014. However, the ''[[The Guardian]]'' contacted journalist [[Bill Moyers]], an assistant to Johnson at the time Congress passed the Civil Rights Act of 1964; Moyers reported that Johnson said, offhandedly, "Well, I think we may have lost the south for your lifetime—and mine", but that after Moyers initially reported the quotation, "various versions appeared" slightly altering it, resulting in the "for a generation" phrasing proliferating. See [https://www.theguardian.com/books/2023/jan/22/we-may-have-lost-the-south-lbj-democrats-civil-rights-act-1964-bill-moyers ""&nbsp;'We May Have Lost the South': What LBJ Really Said About Democrats in 1964"], Charles Kaiser, ''The Guardian'', January 23, 2023 * When anyone says he’s a country boy, put your hand on your wallet. ** While Lyndon Johnson is reported to have said this (or a variation), it was not original to him. ''See'' [http://www.barrypopik.com/index.php/new_york_city/entry/when_anyone_says_hes_a_country_boy_you_better_put_your_hand_on_your_wallet barrypopik.com] and [https://books.google.com/books?id=WQNo7e3jjysC&pg=PA215#v=onepage&q&f=false Texas, A Modern History: Revised Edition]. {{misattributed end}} ==Quotes about Johnson== :<small>'''In alphabetical order by author or source.'''</small> [[File:Johnsonliberty.jpg|thumb|Like [[Martin Luther King, Jr.|Doctor King]], like [[Abraham Lincoln]], like countless citizens who have driven this country inexorably forward, President Johnson knew that ours in the end is a story of optimism, a story of achievement and constant striving that is unique upon this Earth. He knew because he had lived that story. He believed that together we can build an America that is more fair, more equal, and more free than the one we inherited. He believed we make our own destiny. And in part because of him, we must believe it as well. ~ [[Barack Obama]] ]] *I actually have spent the most time reading [[w:Robert_Caro|Robert Caro]]’s compendium on Lyndon B. Johnson. I think President Johnson was an extraordinary leader and a deeply flawed man who made terrible mistakes and did extraordinary things. The Years of Lyndon Johnson [taught me] the best way to be a leader — whether it’s in politics, or in business, or in life — is to recognize that very few people are one dimensional. We are often comprised of tremendous capacity and terrible fears and failures. I’ve used his journey to really help remind me of how to be a better person, but also, what are the stakes and how far can we reach? **[[Stacey Abrams]] [https://www.thecut.com/2020/09/quotes-from-25-famous-women-on-favorite-books.html attributed in article] (2019) * Seeking to capture the essence of Johnson and his presidency, [[Barack Obama|Obama]] revealed something about his own. '''Johnson was a larger-than-life figure when he was president. In memory, he has sometimes become an even larger presence, one that has been a source of both inspiration and exasperation to those around Obama.''' The question they hear so often is: Why can’t this president be more like LBJ? Commentators on [[w:Cable_television|cable television]] talk about it all the time. They say Johnson possessed legendary powers of persuasion and a mastery of the legislative process, and they contrast LBJ’s successes in Congress with those of a president whose legislative agenda has repeatedly stalled and whose relationships on Capitol Hill are notably lacking. ** Dan Balz in [https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/obama-and-lbj-measuring-the-current-president-against-the-past-ones-legacy/2014/04/12/672718fe-c258-11e3-bcec-b71ee10e9bc3_story.html ''Obama and LBJ: Measuring the current president against the past one’s legacy''] (12 April 2014) * During the 2012 campaign, Obama’s advisers heard the same thing in focus groups with sympathetic voters. These voters had no truck with the Republican tactics of obstruction, but they wondered why Obama lacked whatever LBJ had. Why couldn’t Obama make the machinery work better? Why couldn’t he cajole and threaten and sweet talk and bully the Congress into action the way Johnson had? '''Obama is a far different person than Johnson. He is cool, cerebral and detached. Johnson was the earthy, insecure political seducer.''' Still, it is questionable whether even LBJ could be LBJ in today’s polarized political climate. Could he really have found a way to bring tea party Republicans to the bargaining table with any more success than has Obama? Even some who have studied Johnson’s presidency wonder. ** Dan Balz in [https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/obama-and-lbj-measuring-the-current-president-against-the-past-ones-legacy/2014/04/12/672718fe-c258-11e3-bcec-b71ee10e9bc3_story.html ''Obama and LBJ: Measuring the current president against the past one’s legacy''] (12 April 2014) * Johnson’s presidency will always be shadowed by the tragedy of the Vietnam War and the domestic civil unrest it triggered. But his domestic achievements now compete for attention in the shaping of his legacy, though as Obama noted, the Great Society remains a source of debate and disagreement 50 years on. The record of Obama’s presidency is still incomplete. How much more will his remaining days in office answer the question Johnson posed with such passion half a century ago? ** Dan Balz in [https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/obama-and-lbj-measuring-the-current-president-against-the-past-ones-legacy/2014/04/12/672718fe-c258-11e3-bcec-b71ee10e9bc3_story.html ''Obama and LBJ: Measuring the current president against the past one’s legacy''] (12 April 2014) * This year, while House Speaker [[Paul Ryan|Paul D. Ryan]] helped to shape the Trump proposal, the president did not show deep knowledge of the bill and relied largely on congressional Republicans to manage its progress. By contrast, Mr. Johnson mastered the details of [[w:Social Security Amendments of 1965|his own legislation]], and through inspiration, arm twisting and other maneuvering, pushed it through the House and Senate despite powerful opponents like the [[w:American Medical Association|American Medical Association]]. Whereas Mr. Trump tried to ram his bill quickly through the House, Mr. Johnson patiently orchestrated a six-month effort to circumvent the reefs and shoals of the legislative process. '''And unlike Mr. Trump, Mr. Johnson would never have dreamed of sending a White House aide to harangue his party caucus to support his bill. Mr. Trump did little to suggest that he had an emotional commitment to transform health care in the United States. Mr. Johnson’s passion came naturally. He had suffered a near-fatal heart attack in 1955, and his life was saved by the excellent doctors at [[w:Bethesda Naval Hospital|Bethesda Naval Hospital]]. He was keenly aware that had he not been a United States senator or otherwise well-to-do, he might well have died at age 46.''' By fighting for [[w:Medicare (United States)|Medicare]], Mr. Johnson was building on the efforts of earlier presidents of his own party. [[Harry S. Truman]] and [[John F. Kennedy]] had both tried to persuade Congress to approve government-backed health insurance. ** [[w:Michael Beschloss|Michael Beschloss]] in [https://www.nytimes.com/2017/03/31/business/trump-health-care-lyndon-johnson-medicare.html "After Health Bill’s Defeat, What Trump Can Learn From L.B.J."], ''The New York Times'' (March 31, 2017) * In pushing his [[w:American Health Care Act of 2017|health care bill]], Mr. Trump had the superficial advantage of controlling both houses of Congress. But he lost the [[w:List of United States presidential elections by popular vote margin|popular vote]] in the [[w:2016 United States presidential election|2016 election]] and his [[w:United States Electoral College|electoral-college]] plurality was more modest than many of those won by earlier presidents. By contrast, Mr. Johnson was [[w:1964 United States presidential election|elected in 1964]] with a 61.1 percent landslide, which he cited as a mandate to make fundamental changes under the umbrella of his [[w:Great Society|Great Society]] programs. And in early 1965, Democrats commanded the Senate by an overwhelming 64 to 34 (there were two vacancies) and the House by 258 to 176 (with one vacancy). ** [[w:Michael Beschloss|Michael Beschloss]] in [https://www.nytimes.com/2017/03/31/business/trump-health-care-lyndon-johnson-medicare.html "After Health Bill’s Defeat, What Trump Can Learn From L.B.J."'], ''The New York Times'' (March 31, 2017) * We know that Mr. Trump dismissed the counsel of some advisers not to risk his entire legislative program by asking Congress for a controversial bill so early. Mr. Johnson was advised to sequence his demands for federal aid to education, his [[w:War on poverty|War on Poverty]] and other issues so that the House and Senate would not be bombarded by them all at once. But Mr. Johnson insisted on striking on all of them while the iron was hot. He warned aides that despite his electoral landslide and congressional majorities, lawmakers would soon resent him for compelling them to cast votes that might infuriate the voters back home. He predicted that by the time they came back from their August recess, they would be in a rebellious mood. '''Unlike Mr. Trump, Mr. Johnson knew many of the members well, and understood instinctively, without coaching, how to appeal, behind closed doors, to both their aspirations and their fears in order to persuade them not to obstruct his Medicare plan, phoning them in their beds long before dawn.''' ** [[w:Michael Beschloss|Michael Beschloss]] in [https://www.nytimes.com/2017/03/31/business/trump-health-care-lyndon-johnson-medicare.html "After Health Bill’s Defeat, What Trump Can Learn From L.B.J."], ''The New York Times'' (March 31, 2017) ** For "federal aid to education", see [[w:Elementary and Secondary Education Act|Elementary and Secondary Education Act]] and [[w:Higher Education Act of 1965|Higher Education Act of 1965]]. * At his best, Lyndon Johnson was one of the greatest of all American presidents. He did more for racial justice than any president since Abraham Lincoln. He built more social protections than anyone since Franklin Roosevelt. He was probably the greatest legislative politician in American history, but he was also one of the most ambitious idealists. He had the rare ability to understand his own flaws and limitations, and he worked hard to overcome them. During the battle over the Civil Rights Act of 1964, a reporter asked him why he was fighting so strenuously for a cause to which he had previously demonstrated only a faint commitment. Johnson replied, “Some people get a chance late in life to correct the sins of their youth, and very few get a chance as big as the White House.” Johnson sought power not just to have it, but to use it to accomplish great things — and for a while he was spectacularly successful. But Johnson was not always at his best. He could be crude, overbearing, arrogant and often cruel. He harbored deep resentments that frequently undermined his own stature. He had terrible relations with the press. He was personally (and sexually) reckless in ways that make Bill Clinton seem a model of rectitude. He pushed his staff and his congressional colleagues so relentlessly that his legislative achievements were often rushed and deeply flawed. And, of course, he was largely responsible for one of the greatest disasters in American history: a war in Vietnam that he inherited, escalated, fiercely defended and failed to examine with the same courage and clarity of mind that he brought to so many other issues. '''He was, paradoxically, at once one of America’s most successful presidents and one of its most conspicuous failures.''' ** Alan Brinkley in [https://www.nytimes.com/2006/08/20/books/review/20Brinkley.html ''The Making of a War President''] (20 August 2006) * Among Woods’s many achievements in this fine biography is to allow us to see not only the enormous, tragic flaws in this extraordinary man, but also the greatness. ** Alan Brinkley in [https://www.nytimes.com/2006/08/20/books/review/20Brinkley.html ''The Making of a War President''] (20 August 2006) * When Lyndon Johnson -- President Johnson -- spoke here in 1964, he addressed issues that remain with us. He proposed revitalizing cities, rejuvenating schools, trampling down the hoary harvest of racism, and protecting our environment -- back in 1964. He applied the wisdom of his time to these challenges. He believed that cadres of experts really could care for the millions. And they would calculate ideal tax rates, ideal rates of expenditures on social programs, ideal distributions of wealth and privilege. And in many ways, theirs was an America by the numbers: If the numbers were right, America was right. And gradually, we got to the point of equating dollars with commitment. And when programs failed to produce progress, we demanded more money. And in time, this crusade backfired. Programs designed to ensure racial harmony generated animosity. Programs intended to help people out of poverty invited dependency. We should have learned that while the ideals behind the Great Society were noble -- and indeed they were -- the programs weren't always up to the task. We need to rethink our approach. Let's tell our people: We don't want an America by the numbers. We don't want a land of loopholes. We want a community of commitment and trust. ** [[George H. W. Bush]] in [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/remarks-the-university-michigan-commencement-ceremony-ann-arbor ''Remarks at the University of Michigan Commencement Ceremony in Ann Arbor''] (4 May 1991) * '''Chris Cillizza:''' If there is a list of the 15 greatest senators ever, is [[John McCain|McCain]] on it? Why or why not?<br />'''Ross Baker:''' He’s not up there with [[Henry Clay|[Henry] Clay]], [[Daniel Webster|[Daniel] Webster]], [[John C. Calhoun|[John] Calhoun]], [[Charles Sumner|[Charles] Sumner]] and LBJ, but he’s a lot closer than [[Ted Cruz]] will ever be. Few senators in recent years, however, have had such a stupendous sendoff. He always had the media eating out of his hand. That’s no minor accomplishment. ** CNN article [https://www.cnn.com/2018/08/29/politics/mccain-greatest-senator/index.html ''The ‘thumbs down’ health care vote that enraged Trump is John McCain’s lasting legacy''] (29 August 2018) *During the sixties and seventies we did really learn that change was possible. Not, ultimately, the kind of change we really wanted. I shouldn't put it that way. I should say not enough change because change did occur within the sphere of the law, which was extremely important. But we did not experience the economic change and other modes of structural change that we will need in order to begin to root out racism. That's the thing. How can movements pressure even the most reluctant politicians? Well, Lyndon B. Johnson, who was the president during that era he was a reluctant southern politician who clearly assented to racism. But it was under his administration that important laws were passed. So I think movements can indeed force reluctant politicians to take steps. **[[Angela Davis]] ''Freedom Is a Constant Struggle: Ferguson, Palestine, and the Foundations of a Movement'' (2015) *lame-duck president Lyndon Johnson sat cloistered in his White House, guarded by armed marines, protected from the chants outside on Pennsylvania Avenue: "Hey, hey, LBJ, how many kids did you kill today?" **[[Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz]] Outlaw Woman: A Memoir of the War Years 1960-1975 (2002) *[[Robert F. Kennedy|Bobby]] doubted Johnson's liberalism, thought him insufficiently liberal. [[Ted Kennedy]] did not; in fact, Johnson's new liberal fervor seemed to have stoked Ted's and made him more liberal than he had been during his own brother's administration. He was catching the gust of liberal wind. And Johnson appreciated the support, even as he curried it. **Neal Gabler, ''Catching the Wind: Edward Kennedy and the Liberal Hour'', 1932-1975 (2020), p. 256 *'''In this respect, [[Ted Kennedy]] was more like Lyndon Johnson than like his brothers. He was laying down his marker on the Senate as Johnson had. He was demonstrating that he could make the institution work.''' It was as if he was seeking to escape the politics of charisma that his brothers had personified and that had, arguably, cost them their lives; as if he was seeking reposition himself as a pol, not a messiah, burying himself in Senate drudgery, retreating into the institution, following Johnson's lead and Humphrey's, both of whom had been whips, protecting himself physically but also spiritually. It was totally uncharacteristic for a Kennedy to do so. No Kennedy had ever been an institutionalist, much less an errand boy. ** Neal Gabler, ''Catching the Wind: Edward Kennedy and the Liberal Hour'', 1932-1975 (2020), p. 434 * An extraordinarily gifted president who was the wrong man from the wrong place at the wrong time under the wrong circumstances. ** [[w:Eric F. Goldman|Eric F. Goldman]], ''The Tragedy of Lyndon Johnson'', Ch. 18 (1969) * '''Johnson was a dirty [[fighter]].''' Any campaign with him in it would involve a lot of innuendo and lies. Johnson was a wheeler-dealer. Neither he nor anyone else could change that. That's what he was. And Johnson was a treacherous boot. He'd slap you on the back today and stab you in the back tomorrow. Moreover, LBJ was dull. He was a lousy public speaker. The man didn't believe half of what he said. He was a hypocrite, and it came through in the hollowness of his speech. LBJ made me sick. ** [[Barry M. Goldwater]], ''Goldwater'' (1988), co-written with Jack Casserly, p. 151 * And we need to remind people — and I’m saying this because I would say this anywhere in the country — we need to remind people that Texas Democrats are Texas tough. You are Texas tough. Tough like Texan President Lyndon B. Johnson — whose family is here with us. Luci Baines Johnson — I spent time with them earlier at the library — a leader in her own right, who reminds us every time that President Johnson, he never backed down from the hardest fights. Against fierce opposition, he worked beside leaders of the Civil Rights Movement, the labor movement, mobilizing Americans to enact the Civil Rights Act, the Voting Rights Act, Medicare and Medicaid. Think about how tough he and you were to understand the odds against getting any of that done — the inability of a lot of people to be able to see that it was possible. But you and he did. ** [[Kamala Harris]] in [https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefing-room/speeches-remarks/2022/10/09/remarks-by-vice-president-harris-in-a-keynote-address-at-the-2022-texas-democratic-party-johnson-jordan-reception/ ''Remarks by Vice President Harris in a Keynote Address at the 2022 Texas Democratic Party Johnson-Jordan Reception''] (9 October 2022) * The reaction to [[Bob Woodward]]’s new book ''Fear'' has been almost completely devoid of historical context. The very folks who are trying to convince us, based on Woodward’s account, that Donald Trump is unhinged are ignoring the fact that Trump is hardly the first American president to have temperamental deficiencies. Many of Trump’s alleged personality-related problems are not new in presidential history. Presenting his eccentricities as evidence of a constitutional crisis reflects a clear bias of omission by those doing the reporting. ** Philip G. Henderson in [https://www.theamericanconservative.com/donald-trump-crazy-like-lbj/ ''Donald Trump: Crazy Like LBJ''] (3 October 2018) * Johnson was unquestionably an insecure man. A graduate of Southwest Texas State Teachers College, he’d forever felt inferior to anyone with an Ivy League degree, especially if their last name was Kennedy. ** Philip G. Henderson in [https://www.theamericanconservative.com/donald-trump-crazy-like-lbj/ ''Donald Trump: Crazy Like LBJ''] (3 October 2018) * As noted previously, Lyndon Johnson and [[Woodrow Wilson]] are ranked among the top 11 presidents in American history. Yet how much did their personality flaws actually inhibit their overall records of accomplishment? The same question must be asked of [[Donald Trump]]. ** Philip G. Henderson in [https://www.theamericanconservative.com/donald-trump-crazy-like-lbj/ ''Donald Trump: Crazy Like LBJ''] (3 October 2018) * '''President [[Barack Obama|Obama]] is no President Lyndon Johnson — and wouldn't be even if he tried.''' To those who might wish the president would emulate Johnson's hands-on approach with Congress, Obama and his supporters say the times — and the Republicans — have changed too much in the past five decades. "LBJ does not live in these times, and Obama would be a stranger in his," says former Johnson aide Bill Moyers. Memories of the Johnson presidency are in vogue. Obama will speak next week at a conference on the Civil Rights Act of 1964, and the president occasionally hears a variation of this question: Why can't you be more like LBJ? ** David Jackson in [https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2014/04/06/obama-lyndon-johnson-civil-rights-act-1964-bill-moyers/7202241/ ''Obama is no LBJ (and couldn't be)''] (6 April 2014) * There are also stylistic differences between LBJ and Obama. The earthy, rough-hewn Texan often applied what came to be known as "the Johnson treatment," leaning into people, rubbing their elbows, cajoling, threatening and sometimes even begging lawmakers to do his bidding. It's hard to imagine the bookish, professorial Obama grabbing someone by the lapels and pulling him (or her) close in – and harder still to imagine that style might be effective today. ** David Jackson in [https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2014/04/06/obama-lyndon-johnson-civil-rights-act-1964-bill-moyers/7202241/ ''Obama is no LBJ (and couldn't be)''] (6 April 2014) * Mr. Speaker, as a proud Texan, I rise today to pay tribute to Lyndon Baines Johnson, the 36th President of the United States and the greatest "Education President" in the history of our Nation. It is no exaggeration to say, Mr. Speaker, that Lyndon Baines Johnson's record of extending the benefits of education to all Americans in every region of the country, of every race and gender, irrespective of economic class or family background, remains unsurpassed. Lyndon Johnson recognized that the educated citizenry is a nation's greatest economic asset and most powerful guardian of its political liberties. '''Mr. Speaker, Lyndon Johnson did more than any single American, living or dead, to make the federal government a partner with states and localities in the vitally important work of educating the people of America, from pre-kindergarten to post-graduate school.''' It makes perfect sense, therefore, to name the headquarters building of the U.S. Department of Education in his honor. ** [[Sheila Jackson Lee]] in [https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/CREC-2007-03-07/html/CREC-2007-03-07-pt1-PgH2271-5.htm ''TRIBUTE TO LYNDON BAINES JOHNSON, 36TH PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES''] (7 March 2007) * Mr. Speaker, Lyndon Baines Johnson, who died January 22, 1973, will be remembered not only as a great President and Member of Congress, but also as the greatest champion of accessible and affordable quality education for all. President Johnson truly understood the importance of leaving no child behind, and he didn't. For all these reasons, Mr. Speaker, it is most appropriate that the House voted to rename the headquarters building of the Department of Education located at 400 Maryland Avenue Southwest in the District of Columbia as the "Lyndon Baines Johnson Department of Education Building." ** [[Sheila Jackson Lee]] in [https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/CREC-2007-03-07/html/CREC-2007-03-07-pt1-PgH2271-5.htm ''TRIBUTE TO LYNDON BAINES JOHNSON, 36TH PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES''] (7 March 2007) * '''Lyndon Baines Johnson was a giant of a man and a towering figure in the history and life of our nation. We are not going to see his like again.''' ** [[Sheila Jackson Lee]] in [https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/CREC-2007-03-07/html/CREC-2007-03-07-pt1-PgH2271-5.htm ''TRIBUTE TO LYNDON BAINES JOHNSON, 36TH PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES''] (7 March 2007) * Today I introduced legislation awarding the Congressional Gold Medal to Lyndon Baines Johnson, the 36th President of the United States whose vision and leadership secured passage of the landmark Voting Rights Act of 1965, the [[w:Social_Security_Amendments_Act_(Medicare)_of_1965|Social Security Amendments Act (Medicare) of 1965]], the Civil Rights Act of 1964, the [[w:Higher_Education_Act_of_1965|Higher Education Act of 1965]], and the [[w:Immigration_and_Naturalization_Act_of_1965|Immigration and Naturalization Act of 1965]]. The awarding of the Congressional Gold Medal is long overdue recognition of the remarkable record of achievement in the field of domestic affairs of the person most responsible for several of the nation's landmark laws that mark their 50th anniversary this year. '''Mr. Speaker, as a Member of Congress from the Tenth Congressional District of Texas, as Majority Leader of the U.S. Senate, Vice-President and President of the United States, Lyndon Baines Johnson's domestic accomplishments in the fields of civil rights, education, and economic opportunity rank among the greatest achievements of the past half century.''' ** [[Sheila Jackson Lee]] in [https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/CREC-2015-07-29/html/CREC-2015-07-29-pt1-PgE1189-3.htm ''URGING AWARD OF CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL TO PRESIDENT LYNDON BAINES JOHNSON FOR HIS EXTRAORDINARY RECORD OF ACHIEVEMENT IN THE FIELD OF DOMESTIC AFFAIRS''] (29 July 2015) * According to Robert A. Caro, the preeminent biographer of Lyndon Baines Johnson, with the single exception of [[Abraham Lincoln]], Lyndon Johnson was the greatest champion of the poor and underprivileged in the history of the Republic and was the President "who wrote mercy and justice into the statute books by which America was governed." I invite all Members to join me in sponsoring this legislation awarding the Congressional Gold Medal and recognizing the extraordinary domestic achievements of President Lyndon Baines Johnson, the 36th President of the United States. ** [[Sheila Jackson Lee]] in [https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/CREC-2015-07-29/html/CREC-2015-07-29-pt1-PgE1189-3.htm ''URGING AWARD OF CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL TO PRESIDENT LYNDON BAINES JOHNSON FOR HIS EXTRAORDINARY RECORD OF ACHIEVEMENT IN THE FIELD OF DOMESTIC AFFAIRS''] (29 July 2015) *Between 1825 until the late 1960s, the prison population is stable and pretty low. In the late 1960s you've got all these scholars and activists talking about the [[w:prison_abolition|end of prison]]. People are talking about the prison as being over. You have to think about how the United States went from the end of prison to, all of a sudden, the largest jailer in the whole world. And that's because of a set of bipartisan policies, but really takes off with Lyndon B. Johnson. Johnson wants to fight the war on poverty, and he gives in on creating a war on crime arm of the war on poverty. And what do the Republicans do, which they always do so well? They defund the poverty angle and keep the war on crime. **[[Mariame Kaba]], ''We Do This Til We Free Us'' (2021) *I know that some of us who came to adulthood calling Lyndon Baines Johnson a fascist have a perspective problem, one which Reagan and Bush have helped us address. **[[Melanie Kaye/Kantrowitz]] "Jews, Class, Color, and the Cost of Whiteness" in ''The Issue is Power'' (1992) *The 1964 Civil Rights Act, which outlawed employment discrimination on the basis of race, color, religion, sex, or national origin, and President Johnson's 1967 Executive Order 11375, which strengthened enforcement of the policy barring hiring discrimination on the basis of sex, removed the last major legal hurdles for women who wanted to work in the mines. **[[Kim Kelly (journalist)]] ''Fight Like Hell: The Untold History of American Labor'' (2022) *The basic insights central to our current understanding date back to the beginning of the second half of the nineteenth century, and the first scientific breakthroughs demonstrating that burning carbon could be warming the planet were made in the late 1950s. In 1965, the concept was so widely accepted among specialists that U.S. president Lyndon B. Johnson was given a report from his Science Advisory Committee warning that, "Through his worldwide industrial civilization, Man is unwittingly conducting a vast geophysical experiment. ... The climatic changes that may be produced by the increased CO₂ content could be deleterious from the point of view of human beings." **[[Naomi Klein]] ''This Changes Everything: Capitalism vs. The Climate'' (2014) *Even those who believe LBJ laid the groundwork for a more compassionate nation have to concede that the Great Society promised “an end to poverty and racial injustice,” which makes it, by definition, a failure. It was also an electoral loser for decades. Although Vietnam was the primary culprit, [[Richard Nixon]] and [[Ronald Reagan]] were both elected, at least in part, because voters wanted law and order amidst a rising crime rate and heightened cultural anxiety and urban unrest. There was also the sense that the welfare state was too large and that big government liberalism had overreached its mandate. ** Matt Lewis in [https://www.thedailybeast.com/joe-biden-wants-to-be-lbj-but-lyndon-johnsons-presidency-was-a-disaster ''Joe Biden Wants to Be LBJ, but LBJ’s Presidency Was a Disaster''] (23 April 2021) * Fast-forward to 2021: [[Joe Biden]] is riding high, and LBJ is back in vogue—as are many of the same issues he championed (in a sense, an ironic reminder of his failure to fix them). Voting rights and civil rights are front-page news. Police shootings and threats of riots abound. And we are spending money that would have made LBJ blush. Years of congressional gridlock and stasis have caused many to yearn for a “master of the Senate” who can steamroll the opposition and pass landmark legislation. Does Biden have what it takes to finally right our sinking ship? ** Matt Lewis in [https://www.thedailybeast.com/joe-biden-wants-to-be-lbj-but-lyndon-johnsons-presidency-was-a-disaster ''Joe Biden Wants to Be LBJ, but LBJ’s Presidency Was a Disaster''] (23 April 2021) * Even if Biden avoids all of those dangers, Johnson’s legacy remains flawed. Biden might think he can simply give up on the [[War in Afghanistan (2001–2021)|war in Afghanistan]], but the war on poverty is the real “forever war.” As the [[Progressivism|progressive]] outlet [[Mary Harris Jones|''Mother Jones'']] noted a few years ago, “The government’s official measure of poverty shows that poverty has actually increased slightly since the Johnson administration, rising from 14.2 percent in 1967 to 15 percent in 2012” (although if you include “additional non-cash government aid from safety net programs,” the poverty rate fell during that time). '''It is impressive that LBJ enacted nearly 200 new laws in such a short timespan. That copious output, coupled with its enduring legacy (Medicaid and Medicare, for example), make Johnson a consequential president.''' They do not, however, make him a good one. If the goal was to win the war on poverty, we didn’t achieve it—we are still stuck in a quagmire. ** Matt Lewis in [https://www.thedailybeast.com/joe-biden-wants-to-be-lbj-but-lyndon-johnsons-presidency-was-a-disaster ''Joe Biden Wants to Be LBJ, but LBJ’s Presidency Was a Disaster''] (23 April 2021) * '''While Lyndon Baines Johnson was a man of time and place, he felt the bitter [[paradox]] of both.''' I was a young man on his staff in 1960 when he gave me a vivid account of that southern [[schizophrenia]] he understood and feared. We were in [[Tennessee]]. During the motorcade, he spotted some ugly racial epithets scrawled on signs. Late that night in the hotel, when the local dignitaries had finished the last bottles of bourbon and branch water and departed, he started talking about those signs. "I'll tell you what's at the bottom of it," he said. "If you can convince the lowest white man he's better than the best colored man, he won't notice you're picking his pocket. Hell, give him somebody to look down on, and he'll empty his pockets for you."<br />Some years later when Johnson was president, there was a press conference in the East Room. A reporter unexpectedly asked the president how he could explain his sudden passion for [[civil rights]] when he had never shown much enthusiasm for the cause. The question hung in the air. I could almost hear his silent cursing of a press secretary who had not anticipated this one. But then he relaxed, and from an instinct no assistant could brief&nbsp;— one seasoned in the double life from which he was delivered and hoped to deliver others&nbsp;— '''he said in effect: Most of us don't have a second chance to correct the mistakes of our youth. I do and I am.''' That evening, sitting in the White House, discussing the question with friends and staff, he gestured broadly and said, "Eisenhower used to tell me that this place was a [[prison]]. I never felt freer."<br />In those days, our faith was in integration. The separatist cries would come later, as white flight and black power ended the illusion that an atmosphere of genuine acceptance and respect across color lines would overcome in our time the pernicious effects of a racism so deeply imbedded in American life. But Lyndon Johnson championed that faith. '''He thought the opposite of integration was not just segregation but disintegration&nbsp;— a nation unraveling.''' ** [[Bill Moyers]], in [http://pqasb.pqarchiver.com/washingtonpost/doc/307079109.html?FMT=ABS&FMTS=ABS:FT&date=Nov+13%2C+1988&author=Moyers%2C+Bill+D&desc=What+a+Real+President+Was+Like%3B+To+Lyndon+Johnson%2C+the+Great+Society+Meant+Hope+and+Dignity "What a Real President Was Like; To Lyndon Johnson, the Great Society Meant Hope and Dignity," ''The Washington Post'' (13 November 1988)] * Lyndon Johnson was not known as a great orator, but 50 years ago today he stood before graduates at the University of Michigan and described his vision of "the Great Society" — a more humane society that "demands an end to poverty and racial injustice." '''In his efforts to achieve those goals he enacted programs like Medicare, food stamps and the Voting Rights Act, giving Johnson an image of legislative effectiveness that every president since has been measured against.''' ** Brendan Nyhan in [https://www.nytimes.com/2014/05/22/upshot/why-comparisons-between-lbj-and-obama-can-mislead.html ''Why Comparisons Between L.B.J. and Obama Can Mislead''] (22 May 2014) * Mr. Obama’s critics also often fault him for failing to twist arms in Congress as effectively as Johnson, who has been mythologized as pushing the "Great Society" agenda into law by sheer force of will. In reality, Johnson’s historic legislative accomplishments were enabled by enormous Democratic majorities in Congress, especially after the 1964 election. When those majorities diminished, so too did his influence, as Mr. Obama himself pointed out this year. For these reasons, the frequent comparisons made between the two presidents are unfair. Beyond the changes in how politics works over the last 50 years, the circumstances were never as favorable for the current president, who took office with more modest demand for a liberal agenda, smaller Congressional majorities and a far more unified opposition party. Unsurprisingly, those constraints breed frustration among Obama supporters and puzzlement among observers who wonder why he can’t do what L.B.J. did. At some point, however, they will come to realize that Obama can’t change public opinion or push bills through Congress by sheer force of will – and neither could Johnson. ** Brendan Nyhan in [https://www.nytimes.com/2014/05/22/upshot/why-comparisons-between-lbj-and-obama-can-mislead.html ''Why Comparisons Between L.B.J. and Obama Can Mislead''] (22 May 2014) * '''As a master of [[politics]] and the legislative process, he grasped like few others the power of [[government]] to bring about [[change]].''' …President Johnson liked power. He liked the feel of it, the wielding of it. But that hunger was harnessed and redeemed by a deeper understanding of the human condition; by a sympathy for the underdog, for the downtrodden, for the outcast. And it was a sympathy rooted in his own experience. ** [[Barack Obama]], in [http://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2014/04/10/remarks-president-lbj-presidential-library-civil-rights-summit remarks by the President at LBJ Presidential Library Civil Rights Summit at Lyndon B. Johnson Presidential Library in Austin, Texas (10 April 2014)] * As was true 50 years ago, there are those who dismiss the [[w:Great Society|Great Society]] as a failed experiment and an encroachment on liberty; who argue that government has become the true source of all that ails us, and that poverty is due to the moral failings of those who suffer from it. There are also those who argue, John, that nothing has changed; that racism is so embedded in our [[DNA]] that there is no use trying politics&nbsp;— the game is rigged. Yes, it’s true that, despite laws like the [[w:Civil Rights Act of 1964|Civil Rights Act]], and the [[w:Voting Rights Act of 1965|Voting Rights Act]] and [[w: Medicare (United States)|Medicare]], our society is still racked with division and poverty. Yes, race still colors our political debates, and there have been government programs that have fallen short. In a time when cynicism is too often passed off as wisdom, it’s perhaps easy to conclude that there are limits to change; that we are trapped by our own history; and politics is a fool’s errand, and we’d be better off if we roll back big chunks of LBJ’s legacy, or at least if we don’t put too much of our hope, invest too much of our hope in our government. I reject such thinking. Not just because Medicare and Medicaid have lifted millions from suffering; not just because the poverty rate in this nation would be far worse without food stamps and Head Start and all the Great Society programs that survive to this day. I reject such cynicism because I have lived out the promise of LBJ’s efforts. Because [[Michelle Obama|Michelle]] has lived out the legacy of those efforts. Because my daughters have lived out the legacy of those efforts. Because I and millions of my generation were in a position to take the baton that he handed to us. Because of the Civil Rights movement, '''because of the laws President Johnson signed, new doors of opportunity and education swung open for everybody&nbsp;— not all at once, but they swung open. Not just blacks and whites, but also women and Latinos; and Asians and Native Americans; and gay Americans and Americans with a disability. They swung open for you, and they swung open for me. And that’s why I’m standing here today&nbsp;— because of those efforts, because of that legacy.''' And that means we’ve got a debt to pay. That means we can’t afford to be cynical. '''Half a century later, the laws LBJ passed are now as fundamental to our conception of ourselves and our democracy as the Constitution and the Bill of Rights. They are foundational; an essential piece of the American character.''' ** [[Barack Obama]], in remarks by the President at LBJ Presidential Library Civil Rights Summit at Lyndon B. Johnson Presidential Library in Austin, Texas (10 April 2014) * '''In so many ways, he embodied America, with all our gifts and all our flaws, in all our restlessness and all our big dreams. This man&nbsp;— born into poverty, weaned in a world full of racial hatred&nbsp;— somehow found within himself the ability to connect his experience with the brown child in a small Texas town; the white child in Appalachia; the black child in Watts. As powerful as he became in that Oval Office, he understood them. He understood what it meant to be on the outside. And he believed that their plight was his plight too; that his freedom ultimately was wrapped up in theirs; and that making their lives better was what the hell the presidency was for.''' And those children were on his mind when he strode to the podium that night in the House Chamber, when he called for the vote on the Civil Rights law. “It never occurred to me,” he said, “in my fondest dreams that I might have the chance to help the sons and daughters of those students” that he had taught so many years ago, “and to help people like them all over this country. But now I do have that chance. And I’ll let you in on a secret&nbsp;— I mean to use it. And I hope that you will use it with me.” '''That was LBJ’s greatness.''' That’s why we remember him. And if there is one thing that he and this year’s anniversary should teach us, if there’s one lesson I hope that Malia and Sasha and young people everywhere learn from this day, it’s that with enough effort, and enough empathy, and enough perseverance, and enough courage, people who love their country can change it. ** [[Barack Obama]], in remarks by the President at LBJ Presidential Library Civil Rights Summit at Lyndon B. Johnson Presidential Library in Austin, Texas (10 April 2014) * '''Like [[Martin Luther King, Jr.|Dr. King]], like [[Abraham Lincoln]], like countless citizens who have driven this country inexorably forward, President Johnson knew that ours in the end is a story of optimism, a story of achievement and constant striving that is unique upon this Earth. He knew because he had lived that story. He believed that together we can build an America that is more fair, more equal, and more free than the one we inherited. He believed we make our own destiny. And in part because of him, we must believe it as well.''' ** [[Barack Obama]], in remarks by the President at LBJ Presidential Library Civil Rights Summit at Lyndon B. Johnson Presidential Library in Austin, Texas (10 April 2014) * Lyndon Johnson told the nation<br>have no fear of escalation<br>I am trying everyone to please<br>Though it isn't really war<br>we're sending fifty thousand more<br>[[Vietnam War|to help save Vietnam from the Vietnamese]] ** [[w:Tom Paxton|Tom Paxton]], in ''Lyndon Johnson Told the Nation'' * '''What are the similarities and differences between Presidents Johnson and Kennedy? Both are political pros who exude confidence and, generally speaking, embrace the same broad philosophies. But Kennedy was an idealist; Johnson is a pragmatist. Kennedy was a voracious reader, a stickler for detail; Johnson has little patience to read, he hits at the heart of a problem rather than get enmeshed in detail. Kennedy had little luck with Congress; Johnson's 32 years' experience on Capitol Hill caught him how to handle lawmakers. Kennedy's foreign-policy style had a continental touch; Johnson's has the flavor of a Texas barbeque.''' ** [[w:Bill Scott (voice actor)|Bill Scott]], ''[https://web.archive.org/web/20200429132839/https://www.upi.com/Archives/Audio/Events-of-1963/Transition-to-Johnson 1963 Year In Review: Transition to Johnson]'' by the United Press International]<!-- Archived from the [https://www.upi.com/Archives/Audio/Events-of-1963/Transition-to-Johnson original] on April 29, 2020 --> *The president, LBJ, went on TV to declare 7 April a Day of National Mourning. This was the same man who had ordered thousands of US citizens - black and white - overseas to die in a foreign jungle while he ignored the war at home. Our president was obviously a man of violence. Why shouldn't the rest of us be the same? **[[Nina Simone]] ''I put a Spell on You'' (1991) * He was just awful&nbsp;— so jealous, so disagreeable and ugly. ** [[w:Charles F. Spalding|Charles F. Spalding]], in a 1997 interview with [[w:Seymour Hersh|Seymour Hersh]], cited in ''The Dark Side of Camelot'' (1997) * I sleep each night a little better, a little more confidently because Lyndon Johnson is my President. For I know he lives and thinks and works to make sure that for all America and indeed, the growing body of the free world, the morning shall always come. ** [[Jack Valenti]], special assistant to the president, address before the Advertising Federation of America convention, Boston, Massachusetts (June 28, 1965), ''Congressional Record'' (July 7, 1965), vol. 111, Appendix, p. A3583 * Following the trail of some of these transactions resembles the action in a Western movie, where the cowboys ride off in a cloud of dust to the south, the herd stampedes northeastward, the Indians start to westward but, once out of sight, circle toward the north, the rustlers drift eastward and the cavalry, coming to the rescue, gets lost entirely—all over stony ground leaving little trace. ** Keith Wheeler and Michael Lambert, discussing Johnson's financial transactions, in "The Man Who Is President," part 2, ''Life'' (August 21, 1964), p. 69 * Johnson who had compromised too many contradictions and now the contradictions were in his face: when he smiled the corners of his mouth squeezed gloom; when he was pious, his eyes twinkled irony; when he spoke in a righteous tone, he looked corrupt; when he jested, the ham in his jowls looked to quiver. He was not convincing. He was a Southern politician, a Texas Democrat, a liberal [[Eisenhower]]; he would do no harm, he would do no good, he would react to the machine, good fellow, nice friend&nbsp;— the Russians would understand him better than his own. ...&nbsp;Johnson gave you all of himself, he was a political animal, he breathed like an animal, sweated like one, you knew his mind was entirely absorbed with the compendium of political fact and maneuver. ** [[Norman Mailer]], ''[http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/a3858/superman-supermarket/ Superman Comes to the Supermarket]'' (November 1960) You and I are told increasingly that we have to choose *You and I are told increasingly that we have to choose between a left or right, but I would like to suggest that there is no such thing as a left or right. There is only an up or down—up to a man’s age-old dream, the ultimate in individual freedom consistent with law and order—or down to the ant heap [[totalitarianism]], and regardless of their sincerity, their [[Humanitarianism|humanitarian]] motives, those who would trade our freedom for security have embarked on this downward course. In this vote-harvesting time, they use terms like the “Great Society,” or as we were told a few days ago by the President, we must accept a “greater government activity in the affairs of the people.” But they have been a little more explicit in the past and among themselves—and all of the things that I now will quote have appeared in print. These are not Republican accusations. For example, they have voices that say “the [[Cold War]] will end through acceptance of a not undemocratic [[socialism]].” Another voice says that the profit motive has become outmoded, it must be replaced by the incentives of the [[welfare state]]; or our traditional system of individual freedom is incapable of solving the complex problems of the 20th century. [[J. William Fulbright|Senator Fulbright]] has said at [[Stanford University]] that the Constitution is outmoded. He referred to the president as our moral teacher and our leader, and he said he is hobbled in his task by the restrictions in power imposed on him by this antiquated document. He must be freed so that he can do for us what he knows is best. **[[Ronald Reagan]], " A Time for Choosing" (1964) * [Former President] Lyndon Johnson in many respects was a very, very good president. Domestically he brought forth some major pieces of legislation. He chose not to run in ’68 because of opposition to his views on Vietnam, and I worry very much that President Biden is putting himself in a position where he has alienated, not just young people, but a lot of the Democratic base, in terms of his views on Israel and this war. ** [[Bernie Sanders]] in [https://thehill.com/homenews/senate/4641061-bernie-sanders-joe-biden-protest-gaza-vietnam/ ''Sanders: Protests ‘may be Biden’s Vietnam’''] (2 May 2024) * [[John F. Kennedy|Kennedy]] promised. Johnson delivered. ** [[Arthur Schlesinger, Jr.]], ''The observer'' (20 Nov 1983) * It was LBJ who pushed through the civil rights bills in 1957, 1964 and 1965 that finally gave African Americans the same rights (at least on paper) as white America. '''On the other hand, there can be no question that Johnson was a racist who looked down on people of color as inferior.''' ** Larry Schwartz, "[http://www.alternet.org/civil-liberties/who-was-most-racist-modern-president-5-surprising-candidates-who-fit-bill Who Was the Most Racist Modern President? 5 Surprising Candidates Who Fit the Bill]," AlterNet.org (28 December 2014) * Johnson was a man of his time, and bore those flaws as surely as he sought to lead the country past them. '''For two decades in Congress he was a reliable member of the Southern bloc, helping to stonewall civil rights legislation.''' ** Adam Serwer, "[http://www.msnbc.com/msnbc/lyndon-johnson-civil-rights-racism Lyndon Johnson was a civil rights hero. But also a racist.]" MSNBC.com (11 April 2014)<!-- (Updated April 12, 2014) --> *As one of our interviewers... says... once you kill a sitting president in high noon in Dealey Plaza and blow his head off, you're not going to go back to normal... After Kennedy was killed, and nobody asked... what was Kennedy's real policy on Vietnam? Well... he was going to pull out of Vietnam. He was very clear about it, and that's what people get confused. Johnson, Lyndon Johnson, who took over the office went right to war quickly. He went to a far more aggressive posture of Vietnam, which resulted in more-- It was a lie, another lie, and that war was a disaster... Unfortunately, the same forces that made that war happen continued in our life, and they controlled us and pushed us into another war and another war and another war... we propagandize an enemy, make him far bigger than he is, and I don't know what we're fighting. **[[Oliver Stone]], [https://www.washingtonpost.com/washington-post-live/2021/05/12/transcript-conversation-with-oliver-stone/ Transcript: A Conversation with Oliver Stone,] (streamed live [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h5pgnQ2M9tg on youtube]) ''The Washington Post'' (12 May 2021) * He was a vice president of a charismatic president adored by liberals. He had a long record in the Senate, with a history of savvy deal-making that was seen as an asset to a less experienced younger president, a newcomer to Washington. And as he ran for the presidency in his own right, he was distrusted by a left newly ascendant in their party. That distrust was born of a record on race that seemed anachronistic to a younger generation. That description of Lyndon Johnson could easily be used for Joe Biden. And in that symmetry is a lesson for liberals. Because as president, Johnson would have the most effective progressive record on race and class of any Democratic president in the past 80 years. The foundational principles of modern liberalism — civil rights and greater economic equality — took further strides during Johnson’s presidency than any since the New Deal. ** [[Neera Tanden]] in [https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/2020/04/24/lesson-lyndon-johnson-joe-biden-progressives-bernie-sanders-column/2999880001/ ''A lesson about Lyndon Johnson and Joe Biden for progressives in doubt''] (24 April 2020) * Johnson was a candidate characterized as moderate who defeated an extreme Republican and thereby created a large scale governing mandate to pass popular, large scale structural changes to redress inequality and racism. There are lessons here for today’s liberals. It is to concentrate on and work toward the margin victory. A moderate president with strong margins in the House and Senate can achieve many more liberal goals than a liberal without the Senate. We live in a time of extreme polarization, so a Johnson-like landslide may not be possible. But if there’s an event that can scramble that kind of polarization, it is a global pandemic that an incumbent president badly mismanages. ** [[Neera Tanden]] in [https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/2020/04/24/lesson-lyndon-johnson-joe-biden-progressives-bernie-sanders-column/2999880001/ ''A lesson about Lyndon Johnson and Joe Biden for progressives in doubt''] (24 April 2020) * Our 36th and 46th presidents share a number of key things in common. '''Lyndon Johnson and [[Joe Biden]] both got elected to Congress before the age of 30, achieved great prominence in the Senate, and became vice presidents to charismatic, younger leaders who represented generational change. They also rose to become president, promulgating ambitious domestic agendas and leading a divided nation through turbulent times.''' Johnson and Biden might also share something else in common; there has been wide speculation that Biden might step down from the presidency after a single term, becoming the first incumbent president to opt not to run for re-election since Johnson announced that he would not be a candidate 55 years ago today. ** Mark K. Updegrove in [https://time.com/6267099/biden-lbj-one-term-president/ ''Biden Should Run for Re-Election for the Same Reasons that LBJ Did Not''] (31 March 2023) * Johnson’s reasons for not running in 1968 were principally rooted to his health. He had suffered a nearly fatal heart attack in 1955, at age 46, and was acutely aware that his father and paternal grandfather had both died of heart attacks at age 62. (As it stood, Johnson died of a heart attack at 64, four years and two days after leaving the presidency). He was also conscious of the crises the country had endured when Roosevelt died unexpectedly of a stroke in 1945 and when Woodrow Wilson had a stroke in 1919 that had left him largely incapacitated. Of course, there was also the issue of the Vietnam War, which dogged Johnson’s presidency and polarized the country as he steadily escalated U.S. involvement. Johnson saw not running for re-election as an overture to the North Vietnamese to agree to peace talks, which until then, had eluded him. And surely he knew that his campaign for re-election would further divide America. As Lady Bird Johnson said of his decision, “I saluted him for being clearheaded enough to see that he wasn’t the man at that particular time who could unite the country.” It’s different for Biden who is in good health and can’t be expected to unite an America whose divisions are largely intractable. But he, as much as anyone, can ensure that America remains sound and true to our most basic ideals during a pivotal time. Johnson chose not to run in 1968 “with America’s future under challenge right here at home, with our hopes and the world’s hopes for peace in the balance every day.” Biden should run for re-election for the same reasons. ** Mark K. Updegrove in [https://time.com/6267099/biden-lbj-one-term-president/ ''Biden Should Run for Re-Election for the Same Reasons that LBJ Did Not''] (31 March 2023) * Lyndon Johnson had fallen into popular disfavor by the time Nixon succeeded him in the White House; but in succeeding Kennedy, winning a landslide over Goldwater, and pushing through Congress not only Kennedy's remaining initiatives but his own Great Society program, Johnson had been by late 1965 perhaps literally more powerful than any of his predecessors. The Tonkin Gulf resolution he maneuvered through Congress left him and for a while Nixon virtually a free hand in Indochina; and in waging one of the biggest wars in [[History of the United States|American history]] without Congressional declaration, Johnson notably expanded the already extensive "war powers" of the presidency. ** Tom Wicker, ''One Of Us: Richard Nixon and the American Dream'' (1991), p. 677 * '''Johnson ran as the peace candidate in 1964, promising to get us out of Vietnam or at least to stop any escalation of American involvement there. The opposite happened. Johnson promised that Medicare would be efficiently run and financially self-sustaining. The opposite happened.''' Johnson said that his Great Society programs would usher in a new kind of America, one in which government-directed investments in anti-poverty campaigns and educational projects would not only lift up the poor but would, by helping them to maximize their own economic value, lift the entire country, too. The opposite, or something close to it, happened there, too. '''Johnson, who in Congress had opposed not only a great deal of civil-rights legislation but even anti-lynching bills, would in 1964 reinvent himself as a civil-rights champion.''' It is pleasant to think that, in whatever afterlife he finds himself in, he is both amused and pleased to see himself politically reincarnated as a black man. ** Kevin D. Williamson in [https://www.nationalreview.com/2017/01/barack-obama-record-lyndon-johnson-failures/ ''Obama’s Last Report Card''] (1 January 2017) * The key difference is that while Johnson may have been a rotten S.O.B., he knew what he was doing, more or less. He didn’t fumble into Vietnam in 1965 — he lied about his intentions in 1964. He was sufficiently intelligent, and sufficiently a man of the Senate, to understand that the particulars of legislative architecture were going to be the deciding factor in the success or the failure of his programs. He knew that they would have to be revisited over the years. He was a deeply weird man — and a monster — but he was also a resident of the real world. Barack Obama? Less so. ** Kevin D. Williamson in [https://www.nationalreview.com/2017/01/barack-obama-record-lyndon-johnson-failures/ ''Obama’s Last Report Card''] (1 January 2017) *On 28 April 1965, 20,000 US Marines invaded the [[Dominican Republic]] on the orders of President Johnson to prevent the creation of “a second [[Cuba]]”. **[https://stories.workingclasshistory.com/article/9976/us-invades-dominican-republic ''Working Class History''] (2020) * Nixon’s law-and-order message wasn’t just about urban riots. It was a repudiation of the governing party for its alleged part in the general unraveling of peace, prosperity and order. The late 1960s brought mounting inflation and racial unrest, campus uprisings, a sharp spike in crime, an emerging sexual revolution and court-mandated expansion of personal liberties—all set against the backdrop of a controversial war in Vietnam that the government seemed unable to win or exit. The incumbent president, Lyndon B. Johnson, and by extension, his vice president, Hubert Humphrey, had presided over the very social unraveling that many voters were eager to reverse. This was Nixon’s opening—his appeal to swing voters, especially. Now, as in 1968, the violence of the past several days has revealed a broader pattern of social and political dissolution. Unemployment stands at 14.7 percent. Over 100,000 Americans lie dead of Covid, with no end in sight to the pandemic. Americans are bitterly divided by race, ethnicity and partisan affiliation. A foreign nation, Russia, has all but declared asymmetrical warfare against the United States. What the journalist [[Walter Lippmann]] said in 1968—“the world has never been more disorderly within memory of living man”—might credibly be said today. One key difference: Today, the candidate demanding “law and order” is the one who couldn’t preserve it. '''Like Johnson before him, Trump’s is the party in power—the party that has failed to provide peace, prosperity and social order. Republicans control the executive branch, the Senate and the Supreme Court. They alone own the chaos, rancor and instability that many voters have come to abhor and dread. Trump campaigns like Richard Nixon and [[George Wallace]], but in reality, he is Lyndon B. Johnson: a man who has lost control of the machine.''' ** Joshua Zeitz in [https://www.politico.com/news/magazine/2020/06/02/trump-1968-lyndon-johnson-297346 ''If This Is Like 1968, Then Trump Is in Big Trouble''] (2 June 2020) * Unlike Johnson, Trump has proved stubbornly indifferent to the responsibilities of governing. He shuns expertise, science, data or any of the other assets a typical president avails himself of. He has little in the way of achievement that he can point to. He thrives on division, where LBJ sought to make America a more inclusive place for people of color, the poor and the left behind. In this regard, the two men are night and day, both in how they’ve executed the job and the moral bearing they brought to it. But if Trump walks like Nixon and talks like Wallace, he looks a lot like Lyndon B. Johnson, a president who by 1968 seemed unable to put the country back together. If what today’s Middle Americans (or, in Nixon’s words, “forgotten Americans”) want is an end to the violence, drama and discord, this week’s unrest may ultimately benefit the one candidate who has built his brand on a basis of empathy, shared sacrifice and loss and a sunny belief in a better tomorrow. 2020 could be [[Joe Biden|Joe Biden’s]] year. ** Joshua Zeitz in [https://www.politico.com/news/magazine/2020/06/02/trump-1968-lyndon-johnson-297346 ''If This Is Like 1968, Then Trump Is in Big Trouble''] (2 June 2020) * The political result of this turmoil is exactly what LBJ feared the most: the election of Republican [[Richard Nixon]], who, though moderate by modern standards, sets into motion the conservative revolution that would greatly weaken the will to grow domestic policy and place Great Society programs under continual threat. Key portions of several programs, such as the Voting Rights Act, would not survive. Schenkkan reminds us that Richard Nixon was the Donald Trump of his times when, during an Oval Office meeting with LBJ, he promises to make America great again. ** Julian E. Zelizer in [https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2018/02/democrats-lbj/552989/ ''What Trump-Era Democrats Can Learn From LBJ''] (10 February 2018) * As Democrats try to figure out what to do with President Trump, they might want to head over to the Arena Theater to get a good reminder of what happens when parties don’t take the right step to nurture their political strength. Policies are only as good or strong as the governing coalition that holds power. If a party hands control of power to the opposing party—as was the case with Obama and LBJ—the consequences could be devastating. Democrats are living through this nightmare for a second time with no end in sight. ** Julian E. Zelizer in [https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2018/02/democrats-lbj/552989/ ''What Trump-Era Democrats Can Learn From LBJ''] (10 February 2018) * The record of the first session of the 89th Congress stood as a lesson in Presidential leadership surpassing even the strong showing made by Mr. Johnson in 1964, The President seized the momentum provided by his landslide victory in the 1964 election and the large Democratic majorities in the House and Senate to get much of his program off to an early start; then he sustained the pace, sending up new messages and programs throughout the first half of the year to keep Congressional mills turning. Republican alternative programs got short shrift and even less public attention. The President gained maximum political effect from his efforts to builda broadconsensus of support. His fiscal 1966 Budget was drafted with great care to present a total under $100 billion and convince the business community that Mr. Johnson meant to keep his pledge of economy in Government; the excise tax cut, designed to keep the economy growing steadily, appealed to businessmen and consumers alike. Lack of strong business opposition made it easier to mount the Great Society program of greatly increased civil benefits. An outstanding example of the President’s consensusbuilding technique and legislative leadership was provided by the Elementary-Secondary Education Act of 1965, Previous bills providing general aid to education had become mired in Congress over the issue of aid to church-supported schools, But before the Johnson school bill was submitted to Congress, Administration officials held meetings with leaders of the two major, and hitherto opposed, education lobbies, the National Education Assn. and the National Catholic Welfare Conference. Both groups gave their approval of anew approach toend the impasse: to aid not schools as such, but their children, whether in public or private school, and particularly in poor areas. With the two major lobbies brought into consensus, the Administration drafted the aid formula of the bill with an eye to gaining the maximum votes in Congress. The lobby groups supported the bill, the formula withstood all challenges on the floor, and Mr. Johnson’s legislative leaders pushed the program through by April 9, without major amendment. The Senate made no changes whatsoever in the House bill. In a similar fashion, the House accepted unchanged the Senate’s version of the Administration’s Appalachia bill and sent it to the President March 3. Such lighting legislative work in the early months of the session led to Republican charges that the 89th was a ‘‘rubber-stamp’’ Congress. Administration officials warmly denied the charge, pointing to the many programs on which they had to compromise during the year. In an effort to avoid setbacks, President Johnson went further than any recent President in cultivating a close relationship with Congress. He held a series of evening parties for Congressmen and their wives, combining a buffet supper and dancing with a briefing for the Members on national security affairs, conducted by Cabinet officers and other high Executive officials. Both personally and through the White House legislative liaison staff, headed by Lawrence F, O’Brien, the President kept in close touch with Democratic Members, offering them small favors and, in O’Brien’s words, developing a ‘‘rapport.’’ This “‘rapport’” and the President’s knowledge of the legislative process made it possible for him to nudge a committee toward a vote here, press for early hearings there, and in general take a direct hand in the management of his legislative program in Congress. * [https://archive.org/details/sim_cq-almanac_1965_21_contents/page/6/mode/2up Congressional Quarterly 1965: Vol 21 Table of Contents, P.65-67] An assessment of Johnson's leadership ability during the 89th Congress, which passed a significant amount of liberal legislation. Pou and I have to go for a few hours of the night with with with you and your own money I have to go for a few hours of the night with with with you and your own money I love to you my love you a great time I ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{wikisource author}} {{Commons|Lyndon B. Johnson}} * [http://www.whitehouse.gov/history/presidents/lj36.html White House biography] * [http://www.millercenter.virginia.edu/index.php/academic/americanpresident/lbjohnson Extensive essay on Lyndon B. Johnson and shorter essays on each member of his cabinet and First Lady from the Miller Center of Public Affairs ] * [http://www.lbjlib.utexas.edu/ Lyndon B. Johnson Library] * [http://www.utexas.edu/lbj/index.php Lyndon B. Johnson School of Public Affairs, The University of Texas at Austin] * [http://www.mrpophistory.com/samples.htm The 1960's Week-By-Week&nbsp;— Follows Lyndon Johnson through the 1960's. Includes press conferences and other news] * [http://www.americanrhetoric.com/speeches/lbjletuscontinue.html Complete text and audio and video of Johnson's 'Let Us Continue' Speech]AmericanRhetoric.com * [http://www.americanrhetoric.com/speeches/lbjweshallovercome.htm Complete text and audio and video of Johnson's Voting Rights Legislation Address to Congress]AmericanRhetoric.com * [http://www.americanrhetoric.com/speeches/lbjvietman.htm Complete text and audio and video excerpt of Johnson's Vietnam and Renunciation Address]AmericanRhetoric.com * [http://texashistory.unt.edu/search.tkl?type=subject&q=Johnson,%20Lyndon%20B.&q2=KWD Photos of Lyndon B. Johnson], hosted by the [http://texashistory.unt.edu/ Portal to Texas History] * [http://www.whitehousetapes.org/pages/tapes_lbj.htm LBJ's secret White House recordings at University of Virginia's Miller Center of Public Affairs] * [http://www.yale.edu/lawweb/avalon/presiden/inaug/johnson.htm Inaugural Address] * [http://vvl.lib.msu.edu/showfindingaid.cfm?findaidid=JohnsonLB Audio recordings of Johnson's speeches] * [http://www.npr.org/features/feature.php?wfId=1507155 ''White House Tapes: Eavesdropping on LBJ'', NPR Weekend Edition audio archives] * [http://www.livefastdieyoungbook.com/outwalterjenkins.htm Walter Jenkins Scandal] * [http://www.texasobserver.org/article.php?aid=855 LBJ: Master, or Puppet? The 'Texas Observer' story on Lyndon B. Johnson] * [http://tigger.uic.edu/~rjensen/vietnam.html Vietnam War] bibliography and guide to online and printed sources * {{gutenberg author| id=Lyndon+B.+Johnson|name=Lyndon B. Johnson}} * [http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=1507155 "White House Tapes: Eavesdropping on LBJ" at NPR] {{DEFAULTSORT:Johnson, Lyndon B.}} [[Category:Members of the United States Senate]] [[Category:Presidents of the United States]] [[Category:Politicians from Texas]] [[Category:1908 births]] [[Category:1973 deaths]] [[Category:United States presidential candidates, 1968]] [[Category:United States presidential candidates, 1964]] [[Category:United States presidential candidates, 1960]] [[Category:United States presidential candidates, 1956]] [[Category:Vice Presidents of the United States]] [[Category:Democratic Party (United States) politicians]] [[Category:Memoirists from the United States]] [[Category:Educators from the United States]] [[Category:Freemasons]] [[Category:Anti-communists from the United States]] [[Category:Presidential Medal of Freedom recipients]] [[Category:Civil rights activists]] [[Category:People of the Cold War]] [[Category:White supremacists]] 42i3i3xokuei5m256chsqgusd8kp4rw 0 5190 3778717 2877495 2025-07-14T14:04:30Z UDScott 4304 ±[[Category:Comedians]]→[[Category:Comedians from Wales]]; ±[[Category:Singers]]→[[Category:Singers from Wales]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778717 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Sir Harry Secombe plaque (3412015135).jpg|thumb|A blue plaque commemorating Secombe.]] '''[[w:Harry Secombe|Sir Harry Donald Secombe]]''', [[w:Order of the British Empire|CBE]] ([[8 September]] [[1921]] – [[11 April]] [[2001]]) was a Welsh comedian, actor and singer, most famous for his role as Neddy Seagoon, the pivotal character in ''[[The Goon Show]]''. == Quotes == * We are with you sir! ** to [[w:Bernard Law Montgomery|General Montgomery]] in North Africa during [[w:WWII|WWII]]. Montgomery was standing on the back of a truck making one of his rousing speeches to the troops before they went into battle against the Axis forces. At some point his gaze fell on Harry Secombe who was standing at the front. Harry was a Bombardier in the Artillery, covered in boils, had his glasses broken in several places and put back together with sticky tape, and wore an ill fitting uniform for his rotund shape. Montgomery's speech ground to an awkward silence as he examined his soldier who was beaming up at him. With a huge grin and a salute, Harry filled the void with a cry of "We are with you sir!", to which the troops cheered and Montgomery replied "um, good", before continuing *I suffer fools gladly because I am one of them. *My voice is not so much 'bel canto' as 'can belto'. *Anyone who, for 25 years, has built a career on such tenuous foundations as a high-pitched giggle, a raspberry and a sprinkling of top 'Cs' needs all the friends he can get. == External links == *{{wikipedia-inline}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Secombe, Harry}} [[Category:Actors from Wales]] [[Category:Comedians from Wales]] [[Category:Singers from Wales]] [[Category:Anglicans from the United Kingdom]] [[Category:People from Swansea]] [[Category:1921 births]] [[Category:2001 deaths]] nh6izpckeraika1kgmkfmx91z14mk3s 0 5515 3778821 3777573 2025-07-14T19:53:38Z 2600:1004:B0AB:49BD:DC4D:D333:6094:3C75 /* Others */ 3778821 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Anime North 2017 Disney Lilo and Stitch IMG 5003.jpg|thumb|Ohana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.]] {{italic title}}'''''[[w:Lilo & Stitch|Lilo & Stitch]]''''' is a [[w:2002 in film|2002]] American-Hawaiian [[w: Animated film|animated]] [[w:Science fiction comedy|science fiction]] [[w:Comedy-drama|comedy-drama]] film produced by [[w:Walt Disney Animation Studios|Walt Disney Feature Animation]] and released by [[w:Walt Disney Pictures|Walt Disney Pictures]] on June 21, 2002, about a Hawaiian girl who adopts an unusual pet who is actually a notorious extraterrestrial fugitive from the law. The direct to video sequels were released in 2003 with ''[[Stitch! The Movie]]'', 2005 with ''[[Lilo & Stitch 2: Stitch Has a Glitch]]'' and 2006 with ''[[Leroy & Stitch]]'', while the animated [[Lilo & Stitch: The Series|spinoff series of the same title]] aired on [[w:American Broadcasting Company|ABC]] and [[w:Disney Channel|Disney Channel]] from September 20, 2003 to July 29, 2006. The [[Lilo & Stitch (2025 film)|live-action remake of the same name]] was released on May 23, 2025. :''Written and directed by [[w:Chris Sanders (director)|Chris Sanders]] and [[w:Dean DeBlois|Dean DeBlois]].'' :''Based on an original story by [[w:Chris Sanders (director)|Chris Sanders]].'' :''Music by [[w:Alan Silvestri|Alan Silvestri]]'' and includes "Can't Help Falling in Love". Written by [[w:Luigi Creatore|Luigi Creatore]], [[w:Hugo Peretti|Hugo Peretti]], and [[w:George David Weiss|George David Weiss]] and performed by [[w:A-Teens|A-Teens]]. '''Note:''' The number of Stitch's original name (Experiment 626) is pronounced by-digit as "Six-Two-Six".<br>'''Tagline:''' His name... is Stitch. And he's coming to our galaxy next summer. ([[Lilo & Stitch#Taglines|taglines]]) == Lilo Pelekai == * Every Thursday, I make Pudge the Fish a peanut butter sandwich. * Leave me alone to die. * ''[meeting Cobra Bubbles; suspicious]'' You don't look like a social worker. * Yeah. She disciplines me real good. Sometimes five times a day... with bricks. * I'm already in my room!!? * We're a broken family, aren't we? * Not better than him. He can talk. Say "hello". * It's nice to live on an island with no large cities. ''[Stitch starts throws a tantrum]'' Are you okay? * Elvis Presley was a model citizen. I've compiled a list of his traits for you to practice. Number one is dancing. ''[takes out a hula skirt]'' * ''[as Stitch lifts her pillow, revealing the photo of her and Nani's deceased parents]'' That's us before. It was rainy and they went for a drive. What happened to yours? I hear you cry at night. Do you dream about them? I know that's why you wreck things and push me. Our family's little now and we don't have many toys. But if you want, you could be part of it. You could be our baby, and we'd raise you to be good. ''"O'hana"'' means family. Family means nobody gets left behind. But if you want to leave, you can. I'll remember you, though. I remember everyone that leaves. == Nani Pelekai == * Why didn't you wait at school? You were supposed to wait there! Lilo! Do you not understand? Do you want to be taken away? Answer me! * At least a rabbit would behave better than you! * And quieter! * Go to your room! * Nah. The manager's a vampire. He wanted me to join his legion of the undead. * Oh, that'd be so great! You have no idea how badly I need this job. == Others == * '''Alien Guard''': ''[626 attacks the crook]'' Security to bridge. * '''Hotel Manager''': Hello, we might have something. * '''Blonde Lifeguard Woman''': Actually, I do think we have an opening. * '''Computer Voice''': Target 626 is in motion. Speed is 84. == Dialogue == :GALACTIC FEDERATION HEADQUARTERS PLANET TURO ''[text displayed at the beginning of the movie]'' :''[First lines; The movie begins in outer space, deep in the galaxy. Crowds of creatures line the walls in a cavernous blue hall]'' :'''Grand Councilwoman''': ''[stepping into the light]'' Read the charges. :'''Captain Gantu''': ''[his first words]'' Dr. Jumba Jookiba, lead scientist of Galaxy Defense Industries, you stand before this council, accused of illegal genetic experimentation. ''[The experiment inside the machine is brought in]'' :'''Grand Councilwoman''': How do you plead? :'''Jumba''': ''Not'' guilty. My experiments are only theoretical, completely within legal boundaries. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': We believe you actually created something. :'''Jumba''': Created something? Ha! But that would be irresponsible and unethical. I would never, ever... ''[A blue koala/hyena/fossa-like creature with rabbit/bat-like ears with kangaroo/cow/lion-like tail is revealed]'' ...make more than one. ''[He growls and squirms around in the canister, causes the entire alien council to quiver in fear.]'' :'''Captain Gantu''': What is that monstrosity? :'''Jumba''': Monstrosity?! What you see before you is the first of a new species. I call it, "Experiment 626". He is bullet-proof, fire-proof, and can think faster than supercomputer. He can see in the dark and move objects 3,000 times his size. His only instinct: to destroy everything he touches! ''[laughs crazily]'' :'''Grand Councilwoman''': So, it is a monster? :'''Jumba''': Ah, just a little one. :'''Captain Gantu''': It is an affront to nature. It must be DESTROYED. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Calm yourself, Captain Gantu. Perhaps it can be reasoned with. Experiment 626, give us some sign you understand any of this. Show us that there is something inside you that is good. :'''626''': ''[clears throat]'' Meega nala kweesta! ''[The Grand Councilwoman and the whole alien council gasps in shocked.]'' :'''Grand Councilwoman''': So NAUGHTY. :''[626 cackles wildly]'' :'''Jumba''': I didn't teach him that! :'''Captain Gantu''': Place that idiot scientist under arrest! :'''Jumba''': ''[gets sealed up]'' I'd preferred to be called "evil genius!" ''[gets taken away and thrown into the prison cell blocks]'' :'''Grand Councilwoman''': And as for that abomination, ''[626 licks up the canister]'' it is the flawed product of a deranged mind. It has no place among us. Captain Gantu, take him away. :'''Captain Gantu''': With pleasure. ''[cracks his knuckles]'' <hr width="50%"/> :PRISON TRANSPORT DURGON ''[text displayed at the beginning of the movie]'' :'''Captain Gantu''': ''[626 growls at the spaceship]'' Uncomfortable? Oh, good! The council has banished you to exile on a desert asteroid. ''[smiles tauntingly]'' So, relax, enjoy the trip and don't get any ideas. These guns are locked onto your genetic signature. They won't shoot anyone but you. ''[points at 626 on the forehead. 626 lashes out and bites Gantu's finger]'' Ow! ''[gets his gun out]'' Why, you... :'''Hammerhead Guard''': May I remind the captain that he is on duty. :'''Captain Gantu''': Secure the cell! :'''Hammerhead Guard''': Aye, Captain. :''[Captain Gantu walks away]'' :'''Computer''': Captain on deck. :'''Captain Gantu''': All ahead full. Do... Does this, uh, look infected to you? :''[The spaceship flies off. 626 looks at the guns whirring and gurgling]'' :'''Hammerhead Guard''': Oh! Quiet, you. :''[626 growls and spits his spit at something and the guns fire]'' :'''First Officer Ombit''': Gunfire in the cell bay! :'''Captain Gantu''': Open a channel. What's going on down there? Lieutenant, respond! :''[626 growls and spits his spit at the hammerhead guard and the guns fire]'' :'''First Officer Ombit''': He's loose on Deck C! :'''Captain Gantu''': Red alert. Seal off the deck! ''[626 attacking and the guns fire]'' Security, converge on door seven! Deadly force authorized. Fire on sight! I repeat: Fire on sight! :'''Security Guard''': There he is! :'''Alien Guard''': ''[626 attacks the crook]'' Security to bridge. :'''Intercom''': It's in the ventilation system. :'''Captain Gantu''': ''[guns fire getting crook]'' He's headed for the power... ''[turns his off]'' grid. ''[loud thud and whooshing]'' What was that? :'''Ensign Getco''': I don't think he's on the ship anymore. :'''First Officer Ombit''': Confirmed. He's taken a police cruiser. :'''Ensign Getco''': ''[alarm beeping]'' Yeah, he took the red one. :'''626''': ''[horn honking]'' Yee-haw! ''[rocket flies off]'' Hmm? :'''Autopilot''': That's it! We got it. We got it! :'''Computer''': ''[626 shouting and laughing]'' Hyperdrive activated. System charging. :'''First Officer Ombit''': He's engaged his H-drive! :'''Computer''': Warning, guidance is not functional. :'''Captain Gantu''': Pursuit Commander, that crazy trog is about to make a jump! :'''Autopilot''': Break formation! Get clear of that ship! :'''Computer''': Navigation failure. Do not engage hyper... :''[626 escapes in a red police cruiser and reaches hyperspace]'' :'''Captain Gantu''': ''[sighs]'' Get me Galactic Control. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': ''[storms in the base]'' '''''WHERE IS HE?!''''' :'''Alien #1''': He's still in hyperspace. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Where will he exit? :'''Alien #2''': Calculating now. Quadrant 17, section 005, area 51. A planet called...E-arth. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': I want an expert on this planet in here now! ''[Monitor shows 626's police cruiser heading towards planet Earth]'' What is that? :'''Alien #3''': Water. Most of the planet is covered in it. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': He won't survive in water. His molecular density is too great. ''[other aliens watch as 626's police cruiser moves closer]'' No. ''[monitor shows that Experiment 626's police cruiser will eventually land on the Hawaiian Island of Kauai]'' Of course. How much time do we have? :'''Alien #2''': We have projected his landing at three hours, 42 minutes. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Oh, we have to gas the planet. :'''Agent Pleakley''': Hold it! Hold everything! Earth is a protected wildlife reserve. Yeah, we've been using it to rebuild the mosquito population which, need I remind you, is an endangered species! :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Am I to assume you are the expert? :'''Agent Pleakley''': ''[laughing modestly]'' Oh, I don't know about expert. ''[clears throat]'' Agent Pleakley at your service. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Can we not simply destroy the island? :'''Agent Pleakley''': No! Crazyhead! The mosquito's food of choice, primitive humanoid life forms, have colonies all over that planet. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Are they intelligent? :'''Agent Pleakley''': No, but they're very delicate. In fact, every time an asteroid strikes their planet they have to begin life all over. ''[sighs]'' It's fascinating, isn't it? With this, I've been able to study... :'''Grand Councilwoman''': What if our military forces just landed there? :'''Agent Pleakley''': Well, that'd be a bad idea! These are extremely simple creatures, miss. Landing there would create mass mayhem and planet-wide panic! :'''Grand Councilwoman''': A quiet capture would require an understanding of 6-2-6 that we do not possess! Who, then, Mr. Pleakley, would you send for his extraction? :'''Agent Pleakley''': Does he have a brother? Close grandmother, perhaps? ''[angry shouting, then insane jabbering]'' Friendly cousin? Neighbor with a beard? :''[In Jumba's cell after Experiment 626 escaped. Jumba is enraged while reading the newspaper, and tears it to shreds the newspapers while Jumba growls, just as the Grand Councilwoman and Pleakley enter]'' :'''Jumba''': ''[stops eating and chuckles]'' He got away? :'''Grand Councilwoman''': I'm sure this comes as no surprise to you. :'''Jumba''': I designed this creature for it to be unstoppable. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Which is precisely why ''you'' must now bring him back. :'''Jumba''': What, me? :'''Grand Councilwoman''': And to reward you, we are willing to trade your freedom for his capture. :'''Jumba''': ''[sighs]'' 626 will not come easily. Maybe direct hit from plasma cannon might stun him long enough to-- :'''Grand Councilwoman''': ''[interrupting, exasperated]'' Plasma cannon granted. Do we have a bargain, Dr. Jumba? ''[Jumba grunts in agreement]'' :'''Agent Pleakley''': B-B-But it's a delicate planet! ''[in a sing-song voice]'' Who's going to control him? :'''Grand Councilwoman''': You will. ''[leaves]'' :'''Agent Pleakley''': Very good, Your Highness. I-I didn't quite-- ''[realizes; scared]'' Uh, you're not joking!? :'''Jumba''': ''[to Pleakley]'' So, tell me, my little one-eyed one. On what poor, pitiful, defenseless planet has my "monstrosity" been unleashed? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chorus''': Mahalo nui 'ia ke Ali'i wahine / 'O Lili'ulani 'O ka Wohi kū / Ka pipi'o mai o ke ānuenue / Nā waiho'olu'u a hālike 'ole / E nānā nā maka i ke ao malama / Mai Hawai'i ākea i Kaua'i...| 'O Kalākaua he inoa / 'O Ka pua mae'ole i ka lā / Ka pua maila i ka mauna / I ke kuahiwi 'o Mauna Kea / Ke 'ā maila i Kīlauea / Mālamalama i Wahinekapu / A ka luna o Uwēkahuna / I ka pali kapu o Ka'auea...| Ea mai ke ali'i kia manu / Ua wehi i ka hulu o ka mamo / Ka pua nani a'o Hawai'i / 'O Kalākaua he inoa...| 'O Kalākaua he inoa / 'O Ka pua mae'ole i ka lā / Ka pua maila i ka mauna / I ke kuahiwi 'o Mauna Kea / Ke 'ā maila i Kīlauea. :'''Moses Puloki''': One, two, three, four... :'''Chorus''': Mālamalama i Wahinekapu / A ka luna o Uwēkahuna / I ka pali kapu o Ka'auea...| Mahalo nui 'ia ke Ali'i wahine / 'O Lili'ulani 'O ka Wohi kū...| Ea mai ke ali'i kia manu / Ua wehi i ka hulu o ka mamo / Ka pua nani a'o Hawai'i / 'O Kalākaua he inoa...| He Inoa No Kalani Kalākaua Kulele. ''[song fades]'' :'''Kids''': Whoa! Whoa! ''[Lilo, Mertle, Elena, Teresa, and Yuki slip in the puddles, one by one]'' :'''Moses Puloki''': Stop, stop. Lilo, why are you all wet? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': It's sandwich day. ''[Moses looks confused; sighs and confesses]'' Every Thursday, I make Pudge the Fish a peanut butter sandwich. :'''Moses Puloki''': ''[still confused]'' Pudge is a fish? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[continues]'' And today we were out of peanut butter! So, I asked my sister what to give him, and she said a [[w:tuna|tuna]] sandwich! I can't give Pudge tuna! ''[whispers]'' Do you know what tuna is? :'''Moses Puloki''': ''[hesitantly]'' Fish? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': '''''IT'S FISH!!!!!!''''' If I gave Pudge tuna, I'd be an abomination! I'm late, because I had to go to the store, and get peanut butter, 'cause all we have is, ''IS STINKIN' TUNA!!''''' :'''Moses Puloki''': Lilo, Lilo. Why is this so important? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[calmly]'' Pudge controls the weather. ''[Everyone exchanges surprised looks at each other]'' :'''Mertle Edmonds''': You're crazy. ''[Lilo angrily jumps on her and punches and wrecks her, having to have heard that, then the other girls run away screaming]'' :'''Moses Puloki''': ''[worried]'' No! Please! Please! ''[picks Lilo up]'' Everybody calm down! ''[puts her down; Mertle cries]'' Girls. ''[in Hawaiian]'' It's okay, don't cry, Mertle. ''[in English; calmly]'' Shh. ''[to Lilo; sternly]'' Lilo-- :'''Lilo Pelekai''': I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I won't do it again?! :'''Moses Puloki''': Maybe we should call your sister. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[worried]'' No! I'll be good! I want to dance. I practiced. I just want to dance. I practiced. :'''Mertle Edmonds''': ''[notices invisible bite mark on her arm]'' Ew, she bit me. :'''Elena, Teresa, and Yuki''': Ew! :''[Fade outside the hula school where Lilo is sitting on the porch and Mertle and her friends leaves]'' :'''Moses Puloki''': ''[crouches down to Lilo's height]'' I called your sister. She said to wait for her here on the porch. We'll try again on Sunday. ''[gets up and heads back inside]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Nani heads back to the Pelekai house and finds the front door locked]'' :'''Elvis Presley''': ''[singing]'' Well, I found a new place to dwell... :'''Nani Pelekai''': Oh, Lilo. Lilo! Open the door, Lilo! :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[from inside]'' Go away. :'''Elvis Presley''': ''[singing]'' You'll be so lonely, baby... :'''Nani Pelekai''': Lilo, we don't have time for this. :'''Elvis Presley''': ''[singing]'' Well, you will be lonely... :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Leave me alone to die. :'''Nani Pelekai''': Come on, Lilo, the social worker's gonna be here any minute. :'''Elvis Presley''': ''[singing]'' You still can find some room / For brokenhearted lovers / To cry there in their gloom...| They'll be so lonely / They're so lonely, they could die...| Now, the bellhop's tears keep flowin'. :'''Nani Pelekai''': You are so finished when I get in there! Oh, I'm going to stuff you in the blender, push purée, then bake you into a pie and feed it to the social worker! And when he says, This is great. What's your secret? I'm going to say, love and nurturing. Hi. You must be the... :'''Cobra Bubbles''': The stupid head. :'''Nani Pelekai''': You know, I'm really sorry about that, and if I'd known who you were, of course I never would've... I can pay for that. :'''Cobra Bubbles''': It's a rental, are you the guardian in question? :'''Nani Pelekai''': Yes! I'm Nani. Nice to meet you, Mister... :'''Cobra Bubbles''': Bubbles. :'''Nani Pelekai''': Mr. Bubbles, that's a strange... :'''Cobra Bubbles''': Yes, I know. Are you going to invite me in, Nani? :'''Nani Pelekai''': I thought we could sit out here and talk. :'''Cobra Bubbles''': I don't think so. :'''Nani Pelekai''': Right. :'''Elvis Presley''': ''[singing]'' Although it's always crowded... :'''Nani Pelekai''': This way. :'''Elvis Presley''': ''[singing]'' You still can find some room / For brokenhearted lovers / To cry away their gloom / Where they get so, they get so lonely, baby... :'''Nani Pelekai''': Uh, wait here. :''[Nani walks to the front door at Cobra]'' :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[Off-screen]'' Hey! :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[opens the door]'' So, lemonade? :'''Cobra Bubbles''': Do you often leave your sister home alone? :'''Nani Pelekai''': No, never. Oh, well, except for just now. I had to run to the store to get some... Oh! :'''Cobra Bubbles''': You left the stove on while you were out? :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[closes the pan]'' Low heat! Just a simmer. Mmm! It's coming along great. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[to Nani]'' I found that this morning. :'''Nani Pelekai''': Lilo, there you are. Honey face, this is Mr. Bubbles. :'''Cobra Bubbles''': ''[lowers his hand for Lilo to shake]'' Nice to meet you. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[tilts her head, reading something on his knuckles]'' Your knuckles say "Cobra." ''[Cobra withdraws his hand, cracking his knuckles, and kneels down to her height]'' "Cobra Bubbles." You don't look like a social worker. :'''Cobra Bubbles''': I'm a special classification. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Did you ever kill anyone? :'''Cobra Bubbles''': We're getting off the subject. Let's talk about you. Are you... happy? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[opens her mouth with a fake smile, then talks in response to her sister's pantomiming behind him]'' I'm adjusted. I eat four food groups and look both ways before crossing the street, and take long naps, ''[Nani holds up her fist in triumphant]'' and get disciplined. ''[Nani cringes at her fist in a sign of what is supposed to say "Doing well"]'' :'''Cobra Bubbles''': Disciplined? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Yeah. She disciplines me real good. Sometimes five times a day... with bricks. :'''Cobra Bubbles''': Bricks? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Uh-huh, in a pillowcase. :'''Nani Pelekai''': Okay, that's enough sugar for you. Why don't you run along, you little cutie? The other social workers just thought she was a scream. Thirsty? :'''Cobra Bubbles''': ''[Nani opens the fridge door]'' Let me illuminate to you the precarious situation in which you have found yourself. I am the one they call when things go wrong, and things have indeed gone wrong. :''[Cobra confused. The camera moves with Lilo putting his spoons in a pickle-juice glass and closes the lid, then the shaking his pickle-juice glass]'' :'''Lilo Pelekai''': My friends need to be punished. :''[Nani groans]'' :'''Cobra Bubbles''': Call me next time you're left here alone. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Yep. :'''Cobra Bubbles''': ''[To Nani]'' In case you're wonderin', this did not go well. ''[effortlessly pulls the door open hard, lets the nails clatters]'' You have three days to change my mind. :''[Cobra closes the door and leaves while Nani quickly turns to Lilo with an angrily look; Lilo screams in horror repeatedly, and then starts runs as chases after her; tackles in the kitchen and she licks her arm]'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[disgustedly]'' '''''EW!!!''''' ''[angrily]'' '''''LILO!''''' ''[runs then stops and points to the laundry room and goes into said room. She sets a blanket on the floor, climbs on top of the dryer, and opens the door and slams it shut with her boot. Lilo quietly comes out before getting caught and is brought back to the hallway in the blanket while snarling like a tiger, then hisses like a cat; angrily grabs Lilo's arm tightly]'' Why didn't you wait at the school?! You were supposed to wait '''''there!''''' Lilo! Do you not understand? Do you ''want'' to be taken away? ''[Lilo doesn't reply back as her eyes tear up]'' Answer me! :'''Lilo Pelekai''': No! :'''Nani Pelekai''': No, you don't understand?! :'''Lilo Pelekai''': No! :'''Nani Pelekai''': No, ''what?!'' :'''Lilo Pelekai''': '''''NOOOOO!!''''' ''[Hits the floor; grumbles noises]'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[annoyed]'' Ugh! You're such a pain. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': So, why don't you sell me and buy a rabbit instead?! ''[starts walking upstairs to her bedroom]'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': At least the rabbit will behave better than you! :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Go ahead, then you'll be happy, because it will be smarter than me, too! :'''Nani Pelekai''': AND QUIETER!? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': You'll like it, because it's '''''stinky like YOU!''' [enters her bedroom and slams the door]'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[angrily] '''GO TO YOUR ROOM!!!!!!''''' :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[opens the door; angrily] '''I'M ALREADY IN MY ROOM!!''''' :''[Lilo slams the door again, Nani walks into to the living room, grabs a pillow off the couch and angrily screams in it, while Lilo is in her room doing the same with off-screen dog barks]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Later that night, Lilo is playing with Scrump in bed. Nani comes in with a plate of pizza.]'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[comes in]'' Hey, I brought you some pizza, in case you were hungry. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[sadly]'' We're a broken family, aren't we? :'''Nani Pelekai''': No. ''[places pizza slice on Lilo's nightstand]'' Maybe a little. Maybe a lot. I shouldn't have yelled at you. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': We're sisters, it's our job. :'''Nani Pelekai''': Yeah, well, from now on-- :'''Lilo Pelekai''': I like you better as a sister than a mom. :'''Nani Pelekai''': Yeah? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[voice breaking]'' And you like me better as a sister than a rabbit, right? ''[sniffles]'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[picks up Lilo and gets on her bed; calmly]'' Oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Yes. Yes, I do. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[sniffles]'' I hit Mertle Edmonds today. :'''Nani Pelekai''': You hit her? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Before I bit her. :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[shocked]'' You bit her? Lilo, you shouldn't-- :'''Lilo Pelekai''': People treat me different. :'''Nani Pelekai''': They just don't know what to say. I'll tell you what. If you promise not to fight anymore, I promise not to yell at you, except on special occasions. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Tuesdays and bank holidays would be good. :'''Nani Pelekai''': Yeah? Would that be good? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[giggles and notices the camera]'' Oh, my camera's full again. ''[whispers]'' {{small|Aren't they beautiful?}} ''[they look at the pictures Lilo took. The lamp suddenly turns off, and they both head for the window to see a flaming police cruiser falling from the sky.]'' A fallin' star! ''[the space police cruiser crashes with an explosions]'' I call it! Get out! ''[the lamp turns back on]'' Get out! I have to make a witch! ''[tries to push Nani out of her room]'' Can't you go any faster?! :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[dizzy; leans back]'' Oh, no! Gravity is increasing on me! :'''Lilo Pelekai''': No, it's not!! :'''Nani Pelekai''': It's too, Lilo, the same thing happened yesterday. ''[faints on top of Lilo]'' :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[angrily]'' '''''YOU ROTTEN SISTER, YOUR BUTT IS CRUSHIN' ME!! WHY DO YOU ACT SO WEIRD?!''''' ''[furiously slams the door with the sign: "Kapu" on Nani's head; Nani peeks in to hear her wish]'' It's me again. I need someone to be my friend, someone who won't run away. Maybe send me an angel. The nicest angel you have. <hr width="50%"/> :''[After 626 is hit by a truck, the three guys get out of each to see what happened]'' :'''Driver #1''': What we when hit?! ''[he and the other men turn on their flashlights and investigate under the truck to see 626]'' There it is. It stay jammed under the fender. ''[626 passes out with his arm danglin', the drivers gasped]'' :'''Driver #2''': We better call somebody. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Nani and Lilo are at an animal shelter to adopt a pet dog]'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[to shelter worker]'' We're looking for something that can defend itself. Something that won't die, something...sturdy, you know? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Like a lobster. :'''Nani Pelekai''': Lilo, you ''lolo.'' Do we have a lobster door? No, we have a dog door. We are getting a dog. ''[626 sneaks out of the shelter, and avoids getting hit from plasma cannon]'' :'''Jumba''': ''[off-screen]'' Ah-ha! So nice to see your pretty face again! :'''626''': Jumba? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Hi. :'''626''': Hoo, ha...Hi. ''[hugs her tightly]'' :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[amazed]'' Wow! ''[Later in the lobby]'' :'''Rescue Lady''': Oh, yes. Mmm-hmm. ''[Lilo comes back with 626]'' All of our dogs are adoptable. ''[sees 626; alarmed]'' '''''EXCEPT THAT ONE!''''' ''[runs and takes 626 away from Lilo]'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[pulls Lilo away from 626]'' What is that thing?! :'''Rescue Lady''': A dog, I think. But it was dead this morning! :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[confused]'' It was ''dead'' this morning? :'''Rescue Lady''': We thought it was dead; it was hit by a truck! :'''Lilo Pelekai''': I like him! Come here, boy! :''[626 forcefully, against the rescue lady's grip, walks himself forward to get to Lilo as she calls him to her, climbing up onto Nani and Lilo's laps]'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[screams and pushes 626 away from her and Lilo; composes herself]'' Wouldn't you like a different dog? :'''Rescue Lady''': ''[a bit breathless]'' We have better dogs, dear. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Not better than him. He can talk. Say "hello". :'''626''': He-Hel-- :'''Rescue Lady''': Dogs can't talk, dear. ''[626 narrows his eyes and bares his teeth in frustration]'' :'''Lilo Pelekai''': He did. :'''Nani Pelekai''': Does it have to be this dog? ''[626 pants a few times before rolling his tongue out, sticking it up his nose and putting it back in his mouth, smacking his lips]'' :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Yes. He's good. I can tell. ''[Later]'' :'''Rescue Lady''': ''[filling out paperwork at the front desk]'' You'll have to think of a name for him. :''[standing on a chair, 626 looks out the window]'' :'''Lilo Pelekai''': His name is Stitch. ''[626, now known as Stitch, looks at Lilo]'' :'''Rescue Lady''': Now, that's not a real name... ''[Nani shakes her head quickly and waves her hand as if to say "No! Don't say that!"]'' ...in...Iceland. But here, it's a good name. Stitch, it is. And there's a $2 license fee. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': I want to buy him! ''[whispers]'' {{small|Can I borrow $2?}} :''[With a semi-irritated look, Nani takes the money from the rescue lady and hands it to Lilo. Lilo then taps the money on her shoulder and hands it back to her, handing it to the shelter worker]'' :'''Rescue Lady''': ''[stamps the adoption papers and hands the paper to Lilo with a friendly smile]'' He's all yours. :'''Jumba''': ''[looks at Stitch through his scope]'' You're all mine. :'''Agent Pleakley''': Well, what's he doing? :'''Jumba''': ''Shh!'' Keep quiet. He's listening for us. :'''Agent Pleakley''': ''[whispering]'' How good is his hearing? ''[Stitch turns his head]'' I mean, can he-- ''[Jumba angrily chokes him, Stitch opens the door and gets us outs]'' :'''Jumba''': ''[turns on the red laser pointer at Stitch]'' Why don't you run? ''[slowly squeezes plasma cannon's trigger]'' :'''Stitch''': Bark! Bark! Bark! :'''Lilo Pelekai''': I'm coming, I'm coming! ''[hugs Stitch]'' :'''Agent Pleakley''': ''[pushes Jumba's plasma gun away just as it fires]'' '''''STOP!''''' I have just determined the situation to be far too hazardous! :'''Jumba''': ''[pushes Pleakley out of his way]'' Don't worry, I won't hit her. :'''Agent Pleakley''': ''[plugs plasma cannon with his fingers]'' '''''NO!''''' That girl is part of the mosquito food chain. ''[hands Jumba his View-Master]'' Here, educate yourself. :'''Jumba''': ''[incensed]'' Using that little girl for a shield. ''[angrily]'' [[The Lion King 1½|'''''THIS IS LOW, EVEN FOR YOU!?''''']] :'''Sitich''': Woo-hoo! :'''Jumba''': Augh! ''[Pushes Pleakley out of his way again]'' Tear him apart with all both my hands! :'''Agent Pleakley''': ''[to Jumba]'' Have you lost your mind?! :'''Lilo Pelekai''': What is it, Stitch? :'''Agent Pleakley''': We cannot be seen! :'''Rescue Lady''': Bad dog, barking at nothing! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[sees Mertle, Teresa, and Yuki on their tricycles]'' My friends! ''[They scream and try to make a run for it, but Lilo approaches them]'' :'''Mertle Edmonds''': ''[annoyed]'' What do you want? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': I'm sorry I bit you, and pulled your hair, and punched you in the face. :'''Mertle''': Apology ''not'' accepted. Now get out of my way before I run you over. ''[screams as she sees Stitch crawls towards her]'' :'''Lilo Pelekai''': (Oh, look, Mertle), I got a new dog. His name is Stitch. :'''Mertle Edmonds''': ''That'' is the ugliest thing I have ever saw. :'''Teresa & Yuki''': ''[simultaneously] Yeaaaaaaah.'' :'''Mertle Edmonds''': Ew! Get it away from me! ''[Stitch gasps as he sees a disguised Jumba and Pleakley]'' I'm gonna get a disease! ''[shrieks as Stitch shoves her off her strike, and she wails as Lilo and Stitch escapes]'' Somebody, do something!? :'''Agent Pleakley''': Oh, great! He's loose! :'''Jumba''': His destructive programming is taking effect. He will be irresistibly drawn to large cities where he will back up sewers, reverse street signs, and steal everyone's left shoe. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Boss''': ''[to Nani]'' Hey, Nani. Is that your dog? :'''Nani''': Uh... <hr width="50%"/> :''[Lilo, Stitch and Nani arrived home, after Nani "quit" her job by stops Stitch from chews on Pleakley's head]'' :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Did you lose your job because of me and Stitch? :'''Nani Pelekai''': Nah. The manager's a vampire and he wanted me to join his legion of the undead. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': I knew it. ''[they enter the house]'' This is a great home. You'll like it a lot. ''[Nani turns on the light]'' See? :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[closes the door]'' Uh, Lilo? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Comfy. ''[Stitch pushes Lilo and tears the pillow]'' Hey! :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[snatches the pillow from Stitch]'' Hey, what is the matter with you?! :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Be careful of the little angel. :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[as Stitch curls himself into a ball rolls into the kitchen]'' It's not an angel, Lilo. I don't even think it's a dog. We just have to take him back. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': He's just cranky because it's his bedtime. :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[off-screen; as Stitch enters the kitchen]'' He's creepy, Lilo. I won't sleep while he's loose in the house. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[off-screen]'' You're loose in the house all the time and I sleep just fine! ''[enters, sees Stitch messing with the blender]'' Hey, what are you doing? Stop that, Stitch! :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[enters]'' '''HEY!''' ''[angrily snatches the blender away and picks up a struggles Stitch]'' Look it, Lilo, he's obviously mutated from something else. We have to take him back! :'''Lilo Pelekai''': He was an orphan and we adopted him! What about o'hana?!'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': He hasn't been here that long. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Neither have I. Dad says o'hana means family. ''[Nani opens the door, then realizes what Lilo said and shuts the door]'' :'''Stitch''': ''[puzzled]'' Huh? :'''Lilo Pelekai:''' O'hana means 'family'. Family means-- :'''Nani Pelekai''': --nobody gets left behind. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Or... :'''Nani Pelekai''': Or forgotten. I know, I know. I hate it when you o'hana against me. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[sticks her tongue, Nani does the same and drops Stitch; she and Stitch then head upstairs to her bedroom]'' Don't worry, you can sleep right next to me. ''[Nani sighs exhaustedly as she lays down on the couch]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[after Stitch builds a model of San Francisco and pretends to be a giant monster]'' No more caffeine for you. ''[As Pleakley gets himself comfortable for the night, Jumba looks at Stitch through binoculars]'' :'''Jumba''': ''[laughs in amusement]'' This little girl is wasting her time. 626 cannot be taught to ignore its destructive programming. Ooh! Push that over. ''[to Pleakley]'' What are you doing? :'''Agent Pleakley''': ''[quickly takes his wig off]'' Nothing! :'''Jumba''': Uh, say, I want to try it on. :'''Agent Pleakley''': ''No!'' :'''Jumba''': ''[angrily snatches his wig]'' Share! Let me try it on! :'''Agent Pleakley''': Hey! Ow! You're just jealous 'cause I'm pretty! ''[notices a mosquito]'' Don't move. (Look.) A mosquito has chosen me as her perch. She's so beautiful. ''[moreness mosquitoes flies in]'' Look, another one. And another one! ''[a whole mosquito swarm flies in, covering him]'' Why, it is a whole flock, and they like me! They're nuzzling my flesh with their noses. Now, they're, um, they're-- ''[in alarm, he realizes the mosquitoes are sucking his blood; the scene cuts to a different shot as he screams painfully, offscreen]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Nani? Nani. :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[wakes up]'' Yeah? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Look. ''[puts Stitch's claw on the record and opens Stitch's mouth to hear Elvis Presley's "[[w:Suspicious Minds|Suspicious Minds]]", repeatedly opens and closes his mouth]'' :'''Elvis Presley''': ''[from Stitch's mouth; singing]'' We can't go on together / With suspicious minds / And we can't build our dreams / On suspicious minds. :''[Nani is surprised and confused about it, but hears a knock on the door, so she rushes out of her bed. She opens it to reveal Cobra Bubbles, and gasps in alarm]'' :'''Cobra Bubbles''': Heard you lost your job. :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[as Stitch comes out with a dictionary]'' Well, uh, actually, I just quit that job because, you know, the hours are just not conducive to the challenges of raising a child. ''[Stitch growls and chucks the book at Cobra's face]'' :'''Cobra Bubbles''': ''[grunts]'' '''''HEY!''''' :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[gasps; picks up Stitch]'' I am so sorry about that. :'''Cobra Bubbles''': What is that thing? ''[Nani drops Stitch]'' :'''Lilo Pelekai''': That's my puppy! :'''Cobra Bubbles''': Really? ''[cracks his neck, to Nani; sternly]'' Thus far, you have been adrift in the sheltered harbor of my patience, but I cannot ignore you being jobless. Do I make myself clear? :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[understanding]'' Perfectly. :'''Cobra Bubbles''': ''[to Lilo]'' And next time I see this dog, I expect it to be a model citizen. Capiche? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[confused]'' Uh, yes? :'''Cobra Bubbles''': ''[to Nani]'' New job. ''[to Lilo; referring to Stitch]'' Model citizen. ''[puts on his sunglasses and the lens comes off]'' Good day. ''[leaves]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Meanwhile, at the shore from miles to Lilo's house]'' :'''Agent Pleakley''': '''''HELP!''''' I don't like the ocean! ''[cut to the waves of the ocean; off-screen]'' '''''AH!''''' Oh, look, a friendly little dolphin. ''[coughs]'' They helped sailors in the war. And, uh-- No, it's a shark! It's a shark, and it ain't friendly! It looks like a dolphin. Tricky fish! Tricky fish! Oh, octopus, come and help me? ''[gets out of the ocean, with small octopus on his face]'' An octo-octopus is worse than a shark! I hate this planet!? ''[Pleakley pulls the octopus out of his face and throws it out, as he starts gasping for air. He lays next to Jumba, who had failed to capture Stitch.]'' :'''Jumba''': Little monster. ''[Pleakley's phone begins to ring, he gets it out, shakes water off and answers it.]'' :'''Agent Pleakley''': Uh, Agent Pleakley here. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': I have lost patience with you both. Have you captured 626 or not? :'''Agent Pleakley''': Um...uh...uh-- :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Consider yourselves fired and prison bound. Your incompetence is nothing short of unspeakable. ''[hangs up]'' :'''Agent Pleakley''': But, uh, mm-- ''[sobs]'' :'''Jumba''': We're fired! Now we do it my way! ''[gets up to find Stitch]'' :'''Agent Pleakley''': Your way? ''[sniffles]'' Oh, uh, wait! :''[cut to alien headquarters]'' :'''Grand Councilwoman''': It seems I have overestimated Jumber and Blinkley. :'''Captain Gantu''': Uh, Jumba and Pleakley. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Whatever. The mission is in jeopardy. This could be your chance to redeem yourself, Captain Gantu. How soon will you be prepared to leave? :'''Captain Gantu''': Immediately. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Stitch wakes up in the jungle, hears a noise. He looks around. Then Jumba enters and laughs, but Stitch gasps.]'' :'''Jumba''': Don't run. Don't make me shoot you. You were expensive. Yes. Yes, that's it. Come quietly. :'''Stitch''': Mm, waiting. :'''Jumba''': For what? ''[notices the Ugly Duckling book]'' :'''Stitch''': Family. :'''Jumba''': Ah. You don't have one. I made you. :'''Stitch''': Oh, maybe I could-- :'''Jumba''': You’re built to destroy. You can never belong. Now come quietly, and we will take you apart. ''[Stitch runs off]'' No, no, no, no, dont, don't run! Don't run! Aye! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Stitch grabs Jumba's plasma gun, but Jumba plugs it with a carrot]'' :'''Jumba''': You shouldn't play with guns. :'''Stitch''': ''[gives it to him]'' Oh, okay. :'''Jumba''': Thank you. ''[hears the gun beeping, realizes it's overloading and throws it back to Stitch]'' Oh, I just remembered; it's your birthday! Happy birthday! :'''Stitch''': ''[throws it to him; grunts]'' Merry Christmas! :'''Jumba''': ''[throws it back]'' It's not Christmas! :'''Stitch''': ''[throws it back]'' Happy Hannukah! :''[As Jumba and Stitch play hot potato with the overloading gun, Pleakley grabs Lilo and runs out of the house]'' :'''Jumba''': ''[in background, overlapped by Lilo]'' It's not Hannukah! :'''Lilo Pelekai''': We're leaving Stitch?! :'''Agent Pleakley''': Trust me, this is not going to end well! :''[Back to Jumba and Stitch]'' :'''Jumba''': One potato! :'''Stitch''': Two potato! :'''Jumba''': Three potato! :'''Stitch''': Four! :'''Jumba''': Five potato! :'''Stitch''': Six potato! :'''Jumba''': Seven potato, more! :'''Stitch''': My... :'''Jumba''': ...mother... :'''Stitch''': ...told... :'''Jumba''': ...me... :'''Stitch''': ...you... :'''Jumba''': ...are... :'''Stitch''': ...it. :'''Jumba''': Ha! I win! :''[The gun explodes, destroying Lilo's house. One of the flying objects from the explosion hits Pleakley, and he screams and flies off-screen]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[After the Pelekai house is destroyed, Nani quickly arrives at the scene while Lilo is explaining to Cobra about everything that happened]'' :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[describing Jumba and Pleakley]'' One of them had a giant eye in the middle of his face. :'''Nani Pelekai''': Oh, Lilo. ''[Cobra puts Lilo in his car and shuts the car door]'' Please, don't do this. :'''Cobra Bubbles''': You know I have no choice. :'''Nani Pelekai''': '''''No!''''' You're ''not'' taking her! I'm the only one who understands her, and if you take that away, she won't stand a chance! :'''Cobra Bubbles''': You're making this harder than it needs to be. :'''Nani Pelekai''': You don't know what you're doing! '''''She needs me!''''' :'''Cobra Bubbles''': ''[angrily points at her destroyed house]'' Is ''this'' what she needs?! It seems clear to me that you need her a lot more than she needs you. ''[Lilo gets out of his car on the other side and flees into the tropical forest]'' Lilo! '''LILO!''' :'''Nani Pelekai''': Lilo! :''[Stitch looks at Lilo's family portrait; Lilo then enters the tropic woods, where Stitch surprises her and hands her the portrait]'' :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[coldly]'' You ruined everything. ''[Stitch hesitantly reveals his true alien form]'' You're one of them? ''[angrily shoves him away; quietly]'' Get out of here, Stitch. ''[She and Stitch then suddenly get captured by Gantu]'' :'''Captain Gantu''': Surprise! ''[laughs evilly]'' And here I thought you'd be difficult to catch. Ho-ho-ho. Silly me. :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[searching for Lilo]'' Lilo? Lilo!! ''[gets passed by Gantu, and she screams in horror; hears Stitch growls and gasps in shock]'' :'''Captain Gantu''': ''[heads to his ship and puts Lilo and Stitch in his traveling glass capsule]'' There you go, all buckled up for the trip. ''[puts his capsule on the back of his ship]'' And look, I even caught you a little snack. ''[gets on his ship and starts his engine]'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[gasps]'' '''''NO, STOP!''''' ''[gets blown down to the ground; Stitch gets himself out of Gantu's capsule. Gantu's ship then takes off to the sky, leaving Stitch falling to the ground; but Lilo is still captured inside]'' Lilo. ''[Stitch gets up, but she smacks him with tree branch; angrily]'' Okay, talk. I know you had something to do with this. Now, where is Lilo? ''[Stitch doesn't answer]'' Talk! I know you can. :'''Stitch''': ''[shakes his head and sighs; annoyed]'' Okay, okay. :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[screams and smacks Stitch with tree branch; Stitch groans]'' Where's...Lilo? :'''Stitch''': ''[sighs]'' Lilo-- ''[gets zapped by plasma cannon blast]'' :'''Jumba''': ''[after he captures Stitch]'' Ha-ha! Now all your washing is up! :'''Agent Pleakley''': ''[shows his ID]'' You're under arrest! Read him his rights. :'''Jumba''': Listen carefully. ''[starts laughing while beating up Stitch]'' :''[Nani gets up and sees Jumba and Pleakley]'' :'''Agent Pleakley''': Hello, Galactic command? Experiment 626 is in custody. We'll wait right here. ''[hangs up; sees Nani walks up to them; whispers to Jumba]'' Don't interact with her. ''[he and Jumba turn around]'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': Where's Lilo? :'''Jumba''': ''[turns around]'' Who? ''[Pleakley angrily slaps him]'' ''What?'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': Lilo. My sister. :'''Jumba''': Uh, sorry. We do not know anyone by this, uh-- :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[stressed out]'' Lilo! She's a little girl, this big! She has black hair and brown eyes, and she hangs around with that '''''THING!''' [points to Stitch]'' :'''Stitch''': Uh-- :'''Jumba''': ''[sighs; solemnly]'' We know her. :'''Nani Pelekai''': Bring her back. :'''Agent Pleakley''': Oh, we can't do that. Uh-uh. That would be a misuse of Galactic resources. :'''Jumba''': See, problem is...we are just here for him. ''[referring to Stitch]'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[sadly]'' So, she's gone? :'''Agent Pleakley''': Look at the bright side. You won't have to yells at anyone anymore. ''[chuckles nervously]'' :''[Nani then sadly kneels to the ground and starts sobbing in despair that she can't get her little sister back]'' :'''Jumba''': Come. ''[Stitch, Jumba and Pleakley turn to leave]'' :'''Stitch''': ''[stops and walks back to Nani]'' ''O'hana.'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': Huh? :'''Jumba''': Hey! ''[snatches Stitch]'' Get away from her. :'''Nani Pelekai''': No! ''[quickly pulls Stitch back from Jumba; to Stitch]'' What did you say? :'''Stitch''': ''"O'hana"'' means family. Family means nobody... :'''Nani Pelekai''': Nobody gets left behind. :'''Stitch''': Or forgotten. Yeah. ''[to Jumba]'' Hey! ''[speaks alien language]'' :'''Jumba''': '''''WHAT?!''''' ''[angrily grabs Stitch]'' After all you put me through, you expect me to help you just like that?! '''''JUST LIKE THAT?!''''' :'''Stitch''': ''[nods]'' ''Ih.'' :'''Jumba''': Fine. ''[takes space handcuffs off of him]'' :'''Agent Pleakley''': "Fine"? You're doing what he says? :'''Jumba''': Uh, he's very persuasive. :'''Agent Pleakley''': "Persuasive"?! What exactly are we doing? :'''Jumba''': Rescue. :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[delightfully]'' We're gonna get Lilo? :'''Stitch''': ''[happily]'' ''Ih!'' :''[Later, they're on the motorcycle towards Jumba's ship]'' :'''Agent Pleakley''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, good! I was hoping to add theft, endangerment, and '''''INSANITY''''' to my list of things I did today! :'''Jumba''': Ha! You too?! :''[Stitch laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Don't leave me, okay? :'''Stitch''': ''[worried]'' Okay. Okay. ''[hears truck horn and sees said truck; determined]'' Okay. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Last lines]'' :'''David Kawena''': ''[to Stitch]'' So, you're from outer space, huh? I heard the surfing's choice. :''[Stitch then gets captured by one of the intergalactic guards with the Grand Councilwoman, who showed up]'' :'''Intergalactic Guard''': We have 626. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Take him to my ship. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Leave him alone. :'''Cobra Bubbles''': ''[holds her back, preventing her from interfering]'' Hold on. :'''Captain Gantu''': ''[his latest words; to Police Cruiser got Stitch]'' Grand Councilwoman, let me explain. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Silence! I am retiring you, Captain Gantu. :'''Agent Pleakley''': Actually, credit for the capture goes to-- :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Goes to ''me.'' You'll be lucky if you end up on a Fluff Trog farm after we sort this thing out. :'''Jumba''': Uh, I think I should-- :'''Grand Councilwoman''': ''You!'' You're the cause of all this! If it wasn't for Experiment 626, none of this-- :'''Stitch''': ''[interrupting]'' Stitch. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': What? :'''Stitch''': My name Stitch. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Stitch, then. If it wasn't for Stitch-- ''[realizes what just happened, turns back to Stitch]'' :'''Stitch''': Does Stitch have to go in the ship? :'''Grand Councilwoman''': ''[shocked, hesitant]'' Yes. :'''Stitch''': Can Stitch say goodbye? :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Yes. :'''Stitch''': Thank you. ''[walks over to Nani and Lilo]'' :'''Grand Councilwoman''': ''[looks at Nani and Lilo]'' Who are you? :'''Stitch''': This is my family. I found it all on my own. It's little and broken, but still good. Yeah. Still good. ''[walks back to board the ship]'' :'''Agent Pleakley''': Does he really have to go? :'''Grand Councilwoman''': ''[sighs deeply]'' You know as well as I that our laws are absolute. I cannot change what the Council has decided. :'''Cobra Bubbles''': ''[whispers]'' Lilo, didn't you buy that thing at the shelter? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[takes out the adoption form from her pocket, realizing she '''can''' change the Grand Councilwoman's mind, and runs up her]'' Hey! ''[Grand Councilwoman looks down at her]'' Three days ago, I bought Stitch at the shelter. I paid $2 for him. See this stamp? I own him. ''[Grand Councilwoman takes the adoption form]'' If you take him, you're stealing. :''[Grand Councilwoman smiles with a change of heart, realizing that Lilo's right]'' :'''Cobra Bubbles''': Aliens are all about rules. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': You look familiar. :'''Cobra Bubbles''': CIA. Roswell. 1973. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': ''[remembers]'' Ah, yes. You had hair then. Take note of this. This creature has been sentenced to life in exile, ''[takes space handcuffs off of Stitch]'' a sentence that shall be henceforth served out here...on Earth. And as caretaker of the alien life-form, Stitch, this family is now under the official protection of the United Galactic Federation. We'll be checking in, now and then. :'''Cobra Bubbles''': I was afraid you were going to say that. This won't be easy to explain back at headquarters. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': I know what you mean. ''[to her intergalactic guards]'' Don't let those two get on my ship. ''[leaves]'' :''[Jumba and Pleakley wave bye to her; later, the mothership takes off from Hawaii back to space]'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[to Cobra]'' CIA? :'''Cobra Bubbles''': Former. Saved the planet once. Convinced an alien race that mosquitoes were an endangered species. Now, about your house. ''[Cuts to Stitch playing the ukulele, but stops for a moment]'' :'''Stitch''': Wait. ''[Elvis Presley music playing a song [[w:Burning Love|Burning Love]]]'' :'''Elvis Presley''': ''[singing]'' Lord Almighty, I feel my temperature risin', mmm / Higher, higher, it's burning through to my soul / Girl, girl, girl, girl, you're gonna set me on fire / My brain is flamin', I don't know which way to go, yeah...| Your kisses lift me higher / Like a sweet song of a choir You light my mornin' sky with burning love, mmm...| Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, I feel my temperature risin', mm / Help me, I'm flamin', I must be a 109, mmm / Burnin', burnin', burnin' and nothing can cool me, yeah / I just might turn into smoke, but I feel fine...| 'Cause your kisses lift me higher / Like the sweet song of a choir / And you light my mornin' sky with burning love...| It's comin' closer, the flames are now lickin' my body, mm / Won't you help me? I feel like I'm slippin' away / It's hard to breathe, and my chest is a-heavin', mmm, hmm / Lord, have mercy, I'm burning a hole where I lay, yeah...| Your kisses lift me higher / Like the sweet song of a choir / You light my morning sky with burning love / With burning love, a hunk, a hunk of burning love, ah...| I'm just a hunk, a hunk of burning love, ah / I'm just a hunk, a hunk of burning love, ah, ah / A hunk, a hunk of burning love, ah, ah / A hunk, a hunk of burning love, ah, ah...| A hunk, a hunk of burning love, ah / Just a hunk, a hunk of burning love, ah, ah / A hunk, a hunk of burning love, ah, ah, ah / I'm just a hunk, a hunk of burning love. ''[song fades]'' == A-TEENS lyrics (Can't Help Falling in Love) == :'''A-Teens''': I just can't help falling in love with you...| Wise men say / Only fools rush in / But I can't help falling in love with you...| Shall I stay? / Would it be a sin? / If I can't help falling in love with you...| Like a river flows to the sea / So it goes, some things are meant to be / Some things are meant to be...| Take my hand / Take my whole life too / For I can't help falling in love with you...| Wise men say / Only fools rush in / But I can't, I can't help falling in love with you...| Like a river flows to the sea / So it goes, some things are meant to be / Some things are meant to be...| Take my hand / Take my whole life too / For I can't help falling in love with you...| Take my hand / Take my whole life too / For I can't help falling in love with you / For I can't help falling in love / Falling in love with you...| Like a river flows, that's the way it works / I just can't help falling in love with you...| Like a river flows, that's the way it goes / I just can't help falling / Falling in love with you...| Like a river flows, that's the way it works / I just can't help falling in love with you...| Like a river flows, that's the way it goes / I just can't help falling / Falling in love with you...|''[chorus singing]'' == Others == :GALACTIC FEDERATION HEADQUARTERS PLANET TURO ''[text displayed at the beginning of the movie]'' :PRISON TRANSPORT DURGON ''[text displayed at the beginning of the movie]'' == Taglines == *There's one in every family. *His name is Stitch. And he's coming to our galaxy next summer. *Meet Stitch. This Summer, He's Coming to OUR Planet. *He's coming to our galaxy. *On June 21, The tradition is under attack. *May the Stitch be with you. ==Cast== * [[w:Daveigh Chase|Daveigh Chase]] — Lilo Pelekai * [[w:Chris Sanders|Christopher Michael Sanders]] — [[w:Stitch (Lilo & Stitch)|Stitch]] * [[w:Tia Carrere|Tia Carrere]] — Nani Pelekai * [[w:David Ogden Stiers|David Ogden Stiers]] — Dr. Jumba Jookiba * [[w:Kevin McDonald|Kevin McDonald]] — Agent Wendy Pleakley * [[w:Ving Rhames|Ving Rhames]] — Cobra Bubbles * [[w:Kevin Michael Richardson|Kevin Michael Richardson]] — Captain Gantu * [[w:Zoe Caldwell|Zoe Caldwell]] — The Grand Councilwoman * [[w:Jason Scott Lee|Jason Scott Lee]] — David Kawena * [[w:Amy Hill|Amy Hill]] — Lynne Hasagawa * Miranda Paige Walls — Mildred Pearl "Mertle" Edmonds ==See also== * ''[[Disney's Stitch: Experiment 626]]'', a 2002 prequel video game * ''[[Lilo & Stitch: The Series]]'', a sequel TV series that aired from 2003 to 2006 ** ''[[Stitch! The Movie]]'', the 2003 direct-to-video film pilot to the above series, the first released sequel in the franchise and the second sequel chronologically ** ''[[Leroy & Stitch]]'', the 2006 TV film finale to the above series and the third and finale sequel film to this film * ''[[Lilo & Stitch 2: Stitch Has a Glitch]]'', a 2005 direct-to-video sequel film to this film, the second released sequel in the franchise and the first sequel chronologically * ''[[Lilo & Stitch (2025 film)|Lilo & Stitch]]'', a live-action remake of this film directed by Dean Fleischer Camp. * ''[[How to Train Your Dragon (film)|How to Train Your Dragon]]'', a 2010 DreamWorks Animation film also written and directed by Chris Sanders and Dean DeBlois * ''[[The Croods]]'', a 2013 DreamWorks Animation film also written and directed by Chris Sanders * ''[[The Call of the Wild (2020 film)|The Call of the Wild]]'', a 2020 20th Century Studios film also directed by Chris Sanders * ''[[The Wild Robot]]'', a 2024 DreamWorks Animation film also written and directed by Chris Sanders * ''[[How to Train Your Dragon (2025 film)|How to Train Your Dragon]]'', a 2025 live-action remake also written and directed by Dean DeBlois * ''[[w:Shrek 5|Shrek 5]]'' a 2026 DreamWorks Animation film also supervising executive Chris Sanders ==External Links== {{wikipedia}} {{commons}} * {{imdb title|0275847}} {{Lilo & Stitch}} {{Disney}} {{Walt Disney Animation Studios}} [[Category:2002 films]] [[Category:2002 animated films]] [[Category:2002 American animated films]] [[Category:Traditionally animated films]] [[Category:American films]] [[Category:American children's animated comic science fiction films]] [[Category:Animated buddy films]] [[Category:Lilo & Stitch]] [[Category:Films about children]] [[Category:Films about dysfunctional families]] [[Category:Animated films about sisters]] [[Category:Films set on islands]] [[Category:Films set in Hawaii]] [[Category:Films directed by Chris Sanders]] [[Category:Animated films about extraterrestrial life]] [[Category:The Walt Disney Company]] [[Category:2000s English-language films]] [[Category:Impact of the September 11 attacks on cinema]] r8djz464smbh8ylwmsp8ezcgp0r66w4 3778823 3778821 2025-07-14T19:55:45Z 2600:1004:B0AB:49BD:DC4D:D333:6094:3C75 3778823 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Anime North 2017 Disney Lilo and Stitch IMG 5003.jpg|thumb|Ohana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.]] {{italic title}}'''''[[w:Lilo & Stitch|Lilo & Stitch]]''''' is a [[w:2002 in film|2002]] American-Hawaiian [[w: Animated film|animated]] [[w:Science fiction comedy|science fiction]] [[w:Comedy-drama|comedy-drama]] film produced by [[w:Walt Disney Animation Studios|Walt Disney Feature Animation]] and released by [[w:Walt Disney Pictures|Walt Disney Pictures]] on June 21, 2002, about a Hawaiian girl who adopts an unusual pet who is actually a notorious extraterrestrial fugitive from the law. The direct to video sequels were released in 2003 with ''[[Stitch! The Movie]]'', 2005 with ''[[Lilo & Stitch 2: Stitch Has a Glitch]]'' and 2006 with ''[[Leroy & Stitch]]'', while the animated [[Lilo & Stitch: The Series|spinoff series of the same title]] aired on [[w:American Broadcasting Company|ABC]] and [[w:Disney Channel|Disney Channel]] from September 20, 2003 to July 29, 2006. The [[Lilo & Stitch (2025 film)|live-action remake of the same name]] was released on May 23, 2025. :''Written and directed by [[w:Chris Sanders (director)|Chris Sanders]] and [[w:Dean DeBlois|Dean DeBlois]].'' :''Based on an original story by [[w:Chris Sanders (director)|Chris Sanders]].'' :''Music by [[w:Alan Silvestri|Alan Silvestri]]'' and includes "Can't Help Falling in Love". Written by [[w:Luigi Creatore|Luigi Creatore]], [[w:Hugo Peretti|Hugo Peretti]], and [[w:George David Weiss|George David Weiss]] and performed by [[w:A-Teens|A-Teens]]. '''Note:''' The number of Stitch's original name (Experiment 626) is pronounced by-digit as "Six-Two-Six".<br>'''Tagline:''' His name... is Stitch. And he's coming to our galaxy next summer. ([[Lilo & Stitch#Taglines|taglines]]) == Lilo Pelekai == * Every Thursday, I make Pudge the Fish a peanut butter sandwich. * Leave me alone to die. * ''[meeting Cobra Bubbles; suspicious]'' You don't look like a social worker. * Yeah. She disciplines me real good. Sometimes five times a day... with bricks. * I'm already in my room!!? * We're a broken family, aren't we? * Not better than him. He can talk. Say "hello". * It's nice to live on an island with no large cities. ''[Stitch starts throws a tantrum]'' Are you okay? * Elvis Presley was a model citizen. I've compiled a list of his traits for you to practice. Number one is dancing. ''[takes out a hula skirt]'' * ''[as Stitch lifts her pillow, revealing the photo of her and Nani's deceased parents]'' That's us before. It was rainy and they went for a drive. What happened to yours? I hear you cry at night. Do you dream about them? I know that's why you wreck things and push me. Our family's little now and we don't have many toys. But if you want, you could be part of it. You could be our baby, and we'd raise you to be good. ''"O'hana"'' means family. Family means nobody gets left behind. But if you want to leave, you can. I'll remember you, though. I remember everyone that leaves. == Nani Pelekai == * Why didn't you wait at school? You were supposed to wait there! Lilo! Do you not understand? Do you want to be taken away? Answer me! * At least a rabbit would behave better than you! * And quieter! * Go to your room!? * Nah. The manager's a vampire. He wanted me to join his legion of the undead. * Oh, that'd be so great! You have no idea how badly I need this job. == Mr. Kawena == Random == Stitch (626) == Random == Others == * '''Alien Guard''': ''[626 attacks the crook]'' Security to bridge. * '''Hotel Manager''': Hello, we might have something. * '''Blonde Lifeguard Woman''': Actually, I do think we have an opening. * '''Computer Voice''': Target 626 is in motion. Speed is 84. == Dialogue == :GALACTIC FEDERATION HEADQUARTERS PLANET TURO ''[text displayed at the beginning of the movie]'' :''[First lines; The movie begins in outer space, deep in the galaxy. Crowds of creatures line the walls in a cavernous blue hall]'' :'''Grand Councilwoman''': ''[stepping into the light]'' Read the charges. :'''Captain Gantu''': ''[his first words]'' Dr. Jumba Jookiba, lead scientist of Galaxy Defense Industries, you stand before this council, accused of illegal genetic experimentation. ''[The experiment inside the machine is brought in]'' :'''Grand Councilwoman''': How do you plead? :'''Jumba''': ''Not'' guilty. My experiments are only theoretical, completely within legal boundaries. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': We believe you actually created something. :'''Jumba''': Created something? Ha! But that would be irresponsible and unethical. I would never, ever... ''[A blue koala/hyena/fossa-like creature with rabbit/bat-like ears with kangaroo/cow/lion-like tail is revealed]'' ...make more than one. ''[He growls and squirms around in the canister, causes the entire alien council to quiver in fear.]'' :'''Captain Gantu''': What is that monstrosity? :'''Jumba''': Monstrosity?! What you see before you is the first of a new species. I call it, "Experiment 626". He is bullet-proof, fire-proof, and can think faster than supercomputer. He can see in the dark and move objects 3,000 times his size. His only instinct: to destroy everything he touches! ''[laughs crazily]'' :'''Grand Councilwoman''': So, it is a monster? :'''Jumba''': Ah, just a little one. :'''Captain Gantu''': It is an affront to nature. It must be DESTROYED. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Calm yourself, Captain Gantu. Perhaps it can be reasoned with. Experiment 626, give us some sign you understand any of this. Show us that there is something inside you that is good. :'''626''': ''[clears throat]'' Meega nala kweesta! ''[The Grand Councilwoman and the whole alien council gasps in shocked.]'' :'''Grand Councilwoman''': So NAUGHTY. :''[626 cackles wildly]'' :'''Jumba''': I didn't teach him that! :'''Captain Gantu''': Place that idiot scientist under arrest! :'''Jumba''': ''[gets sealed up]'' I'd preferred to be called "evil genius!" ''[gets taken away and thrown into the prison cell blocks]'' :'''Grand Councilwoman''': And as for that abomination, ''[626 licks up the canister]'' it is the flawed product of a deranged mind. It has no place among us. Captain Gantu, take him away. :'''Captain Gantu''': With pleasure. ''[cracks his knuckles]'' <hr width="50%"/> :PRISON TRANSPORT DURGON ''[text displayed at the beginning of the movie]'' :'''Captain Gantu''': ''[626 growls at the spaceship]'' Uncomfortable? Oh, good! The council has banished you to exile on a desert asteroid. ''[smiles tauntingly]'' So, relax, enjoy the trip and don't get any ideas. These guns are locked onto your genetic signature. They won't shoot anyone but you. ''[points at 626 on the forehead. 626 lashes out and bites Gantu's finger]'' Ow! ''[gets his gun out]'' Why, you... :'''Hammerhead Guard''': May I remind the captain that he is on duty. :'''Captain Gantu''': Secure the cell! :'''Hammerhead Guard''': Aye, Captain. :''[Captain Gantu walks away]'' :'''Computer''': Captain on deck. :'''Captain Gantu''': All ahead full. Do... Does this, uh, look infected to you? :''[The spaceship flies off. 626 looks at the guns whirring and gurgling]'' :'''Hammerhead Guard''': Oh! Quiet, you. :''[626 growls and spits his spit at something and the guns fire]'' :'''First Officer Ombit''': Gunfire in the cell bay! :'''Captain Gantu''': Open a channel. What's going on down there? Lieutenant, respond! :''[626 growls and spits his spit at the hammerhead guard and the guns fire]'' :'''First Officer Ombit''': He's loose on Deck C! :'''Captain Gantu''': Red alert. Seal off the deck! ''[626 attacking and the guns fire]'' Security, converge on door seven! Deadly force authorized. Fire on sight! I repeat: Fire on sight! :'''Security Guard''': There he is! :'''Alien Guard''': ''[626 attacks the crook]'' Security to bridge. :'''Intercom''': It's in the ventilation system. :'''Captain Gantu''': ''[guns fire getting crook]'' He's headed for the power... ''[turns his off]'' grid. ''[loud thud and whooshing]'' What was that? :'''Ensign Getco''': I don't think he's on the ship anymore. :'''First Officer Ombit''': Confirmed. He's taken a police cruiser. :'''Ensign Getco''': ''[alarm beeping]'' Yeah, he took the red one. :'''626''': ''[horn honking]'' Yee-haw! ''[rocket flies off]'' Hmm? :'''Autopilot''': That's it! We got it. We got it! :'''Computer''': ''[626 shouting and laughing]'' Hyperdrive activated. System charging. :'''First Officer Ombit''': He's engaged his H-drive! :'''Computer''': Warning, guidance is not functional. :'''Captain Gantu''': Pursuit Commander, that crazy trog is about to make a jump! :'''Autopilot''': Break formation! Get clear of that ship! :'''Computer''': Navigation failure. Do not engage hyper... :''[626 escapes in a red police cruiser and reaches hyperspace]'' :'''Captain Gantu''': ''[sighs]'' Get me Galactic Control. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': ''[storms in the base]'' '''''WHERE IS HE?!''''' :'''Alien #1''': He's still in hyperspace. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Where will he exit? :'''Alien #2''': Calculating now. Quadrant 17, section 005, area 51. A planet called...E-arth. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': I want an expert on this planet in here now! ''[Monitor shows 626's police cruiser heading towards planet Earth]'' What is that? :'''Alien #3''': Water. Most of the planet is covered in it. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': He won't survive in water. His molecular density is too great. ''[other aliens watch as 626's police cruiser moves closer]'' No. ''[monitor shows that Experiment 626's police cruiser will eventually land on the Hawaiian Island of Kauai]'' Of course. How much time do we have? :'''Alien #2''': We have projected his landing at three hours, 42 minutes. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Oh, we have to gas the planet. :'''Agent Pleakley''': Hold it! Hold everything! Earth is a protected wildlife reserve. Yeah, we've been using it to rebuild the mosquito population which, need I remind you, is an endangered species! :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Am I to assume you are the expert? :'''Agent Pleakley''': ''[laughing modestly]'' Oh, I don't know about expert. ''[clears throat]'' Agent Pleakley at your service. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Can we not simply destroy the island? :'''Agent Pleakley''': No! Crazyhead! The mosquito's food of choice, primitive humanoid life forms, have colonies all over that planet. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Are they intelligent? :'''Agent Pleakley''': No, but they're very delicate. In fact, every time an asteroid strikes their planet they have to begin life all over. ''[sighs]'' It's fascinating, isn't it? With this, I've been able to study... :'''Grand Councilwoman''': What if our military forces just landed there? :'''Agent Pleakley''': Well, that'd be a bad idea! These are extremely simple creatures, miss. Landing there would create mass mayhem and planet-wide panic! :'''Grand Councilwoman''': A quiet capture would require an understanding of 6-2-6 that we do not possess! Who, then, Mr. Pleakley, would you send for his extraction? :'''Agent Pleakley''': Does he have a brother? Close grandmother, perhaps? ''[angry shouting, then insane jabbering]'' Friendly cousin? Neighbor with a beard? :''[In Jumba's cell after Experiment 626 escaped. Jumba is enraged while reading the newspaper, and tears it to shreds the newspapers while Jumba growls, just as the Grand Councilwoman and Pleakley enter]'' :'''Jumba''': ''[stops eating and chuckles]'' He got away? :'''Grand Councilwoman''': I'm sure this comes as no surprise to you. :'''Jumba''': I designed this creature for it to be unstoppable. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Which is precisely why ''you'' must now bring him back. :'''Jumba''': What, me? :'''Grand Councilwoman''': And to reward you, we are willing to trade your freedom for his capture. :'''Jumba''': ''[sighs]'' 626 will not come easily. Maybe direct hit from plasma cannon might stun him long enough to-- :'''Grand Councilwoman''': ''[interrupting, exasperated]'' Plasma cannon granted. Do we have a bargain, Dr. Jumba? ''[Jumba grunts in agreement]'' :'''Agent Pleakley''': B-B-But it's a delicate planet! ''[in a sing-song voice]'' Who's going to control him? :'''Grand Councilwoman''': You will. ''[leaves]'' :'''Agent Pleakley''': Very good, Your Highness. I-I didn't quite-- ''[realizes; scared]'' Uh, you're not joking!? :'''Jumba''': ''[to Pleakley]'' So, tell me, my little one-eyed one. On what poor, pitiful, defenseless planet has my "monstrosity" been unleashed? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chorus''': Mahalo nui 'ia ke Ali'i wahine / 'O Lili'ulani 'O ka Wohi kū / Ka pipi'o mai o ke ānuenue / Nā waiho'olu'u a hālike 'ole / E nānā nā maka i ke ao malama / Mai Hawai'i ākea i Kaua'i...| 'O Kalākaua he inoa / 'O Ka pua mae'ole i ka lā / Ka pua maila i ka mauna / I ke kuahiwi 'o Mauna Kea / Ke 'ā maila i Kīlauea / Mālamalama i Wahinekapu / A ka luna o Uwēkahuna / I ka pali kapu o Ka'auea...| Ea mai ke ali'i kia manu / Ua wehi i ka hulu o ka mamo / Ka pua nani a'o Hawai'i / 'O Kalākaua he inoa...| 'O Kalākaua he inoa / 'O Ka pua mae'ole i ka lā / Ka pua maila i ka mauna / I ke kuahiwi 'o Mauna Kea / Ke 'ā maila i Kīlauea. :'''Moses Puloki''': One, two, three, four... :'''Chorus''': Mālamalama i Wahinekapu / A ka luna o Uwēkahuna / I ka pali kapu o Ka'auea...| Mahalo nui 'ia ke Ali'i wahine / 'O Lili'ulani 'O ka Wohi kū...| Ea mai ke ali'i kia manu / Ua wehi i ka hulu o ka mamo / Ka pua nani a'o Hawai'i / 'O Kalākaua he inoa...| He Inoa No Kalani Kalākaua Kulele. ''[song fades]'' :'''Kids''': Whoa! Whoa! ''[Lilo, Mertle, Elena, Teresa, and Yuki slip in the puddles, one by one]'' :'''Moses Puloki''': Stop, stop. Lilo, why are you all wet? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': It's sandwich day. ''[Moses looks confused; sighs and confesses]'' Every Thursday, I make Pudge the Fish a peanut butter sandwich. :'''Moses Puloki''': ''[still confused]'' Pudge is a fish? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[continues]'' And today we were out of peanut butter! So, I asked my sister what to give him, and she said a [[w:tuna|tuna]] sandwich! I can't give Pudge tuna! ''[whispers]'' Do you know what tuna is? :'''Moses Puloki''': ''[hesitantly]'' Fish? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': '''''IT'S FISH!!!!!!''''' If I gave Pudge tuna, I'd be an abomination! I'm late, because I had to go to the store, and get peanut butter, 'cause all we have is, ''IS STINKIN' TUNA!!''''' :'''Moses Puloki''': Lilo, Lilo. Why is this so important? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[calmly]'' Pudge controls the weather. ''[Everyone exchanges surprised looks at each other]'' :'''Mertle Edmonds''': You're crazy. ''[Lilo angrily jumps on her and punches and wrecks her, having to have heard that, then the other girls run away screaming]'' :'''Moses Puloki''': ''[worried]'' No! Please! Please! ''[picks Lilo up]'' Everybody calm down! ''[puts her down; Mertle cries]'' Girls. ''[in Hawaiian]'' It's okay, don't cry, Mertle. ''[in English; calmly]'' Shh. ''[to Lilo; sternly]'' Lilo-- :'''Lilo Pelekai''': I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I won't do it again?! :'''Moses Puloki''': Maybe we should call your sister. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[worried]'' No! I'll be good! I want to dance. I practiced. I just want to dance. I practiced. :'''Mertle Edmonds''': ''[notices invisible bite mark on her arm]'' Ew, she bit me. :'''Elena, Teresa, and Yuki''': Ew! :''[Fade outside the hula school where Lilo is sitting on the porch and Mertle and her friends leaves]'' :'''Moses Puloki''': ''[crouches down to Lilo's height]'' I called your sister. She said to wait for her here on the porch. We'll try again on Sunday. ''[gets up and heads back inside]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Nani heads back to the Pelekai house and finds the front door locked]'' :'''Elvis Presley''': ''[singing]'' Well, I found a new place to dwell... :'''Nani Pelekai''': Oh, Lilo. Lilo! Open the door, Lilo! :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[from inside]'' Go away. :'''Elvis Presley''': ''[singing]'' You'll be so lonely, baby... :'''Nani Pelekai''': Lilo, we don't have time for this. :'''Elvis Presley''': ''[singing]'' Well, you will be lonely... :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Leave me alone to die. :'''Nani Pelekai''': Come on, Lilo, the social worker's gonna be here any minute. :'''Elvis Presley''': ''[singing]'' You still can find some room / For brokenhearted lovers / To cry there in their gloom...| They'll be so lonely / They're so lonely, they could die...| Now, the bellhop's tears keep flowin'. :'''Nani Pelekai''': You are so finished when I get in there! Oh, I'm going to stuff you in the blender, push purée, then bake you into a pie and feed it to the social worker! And when he says, This is great. What's your secret? I'm going to say, love and nurturing. Hi. You must be the... :'''Cobra Bubbles''': The stupid head. :'''Nani Pelekai''': You know, I'm really sorry about that, and if I'd known who you were, of course I never would've... I can pay for that. :'''Cobra Bubbles''': It's a rental, are you the guardian in question? :'''Nani Pelekai''': Yes! I'm Nani. Nice to meet you, Mister... :'''Cobra Bubbles''': Bubbles. :'''Nani Pelekai''': Mr. Bubbles, that's a strange... :'''Cobra Bubbles''': Yes, I know. Are you going to invite me in, Nani? :'''Nani Pelekai''': I thought we could sit out here and talk. :'''Cobra Bubbles''': I don't think so. :'''Nani Pelekai''': Right. :'''Elvis Presley''': ''[singing]'' Although it's always crowded... :'''Nani Pelekai''': This way. :'''Elvis Presley''': ''[singing]'' You still can find some room / For brokenhearted lovers / To cry away their gloom / Where they get so, they get so lonely, baby... :'''Nani Pelekai''': Uh, wait here. :''[Nani walks to the front door at Cobra]'' :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[Off-screen]'' Hey! :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[opens the door]'' So, lemonade? :'''Cobra Bubbles''': Do you often leave your sister home alone? :'''Nani Pelekai''': No, never. Oh, well, except for just now. I had to run to the store to get some... Oh! :'''Cobra Bubbles''': You left the stove on while you were out? :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[closes the pan]'' Low heat! Just a simmer. Mmm! It's coming along great. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[to Nani]'' I found that this morning. :'''Nani Pelekai''': Lilo, there you are. Honey face, this is Mr. Bubbles. :'''Cobra Bubbles''': ''[lowers his hand for Lilo to shake]'' Nice to meet you. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[tilts her head, reading something on his knuckles]'' Your knuckles say "Cobra." ''[Cobra withdraws his hand, cracking his knuckles, and kneels down to her height]'' "Cobra Bubbles." You don't look like a social worker. :'''Cobra Bubbles''': I'm a special classification. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Did you ever kill anyone? :'''Cobra Bubbles''': We're getting off the subject. Let's talk about you. Are you... happy? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[opens her mouth with a fake smile, then talks in response to her sister's pantomiming behind him]'' I'm adjusted. I eat four food groups and look both ways before crossing the street, and take long naps, ''[Nani holds up her fist in triumphant]'' and get disciplined. ''[Nani cringes at her fist in a sign of what is supposed to say "Doing well"]'' :'''Cobra Bubbles''': Disciplined? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Yeah. She disciplines me real good. Sometimes five times a day... with bricks. :'''Cobra Bubbles''': Bricks? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Uh-huh, in a pillowcase. :'''Nani Pelekai''': Okay, that's enough sugar for you. Why don't you run along, you little cutie? The other social workers just thought she was a scream. Thirsty? :'''Cobra Bubbles''': ''[Nani opens the fridge door]'' Let me illuminate to you the precarious situation in which you have found yourself. I am the one they call when things go wrong, and things have indeed gone wrong. :''[Cobra confused. The camera moves with Lilo putting his spoons in a pickle-juice glass and closes the lid, then the shaking his pickle-juice glass]'' :'''Lilo Pelekai''': My friends need to be punished. :''[Nani groans]'' :'''Cobra Bubbles''': Call me next time you're left here alone. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Yep. :'''Cobra Bubbles''': ''[To Nani]'' In case you're wonderin', this did not go well. ''[effortlessly pulls the door open hard, lets the nails clatters]'' You have three days to change my mind. :''[Cobra closes the door and leaves while Nani quickly turns to Lilo with an angrily look; Lilo screams in horror repeatedly, and then starts runs as chases after her; tackles in the kitchen and she licks her arm]'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[disgustedly]'' '''''EW!!!''''' ''[angrily]'' '''''LILO!''''' ''[runs then stops and points to the laundry room and goes into said room. She sets a blanket on the floor, climbs on top of the dryer, and opens the door and slams it shut with her boot. Lilo quietly comes out before getting caught and is brought back to the hallway in the blanket while snarling like a tiger, then hisses like a cat; angrily grabs Lilo's arm tightly]'' Why didn't you wait at the school?! You were supposed to wait '''''there!''''' Lilo! Do you not understand? Do you ''want'' to be taken away? ''[Lilo doesn't reply back as her eyes tear up]'' Answer me! :'''Lilo Pelekai''': No! :'''Nani Pelekai''': No, you don't understand?! :'''Lilo Pelekai''': No! :'''Nani Pelekai''': No, ''what?!'' :'''Lilo Pelekai''': '''''NOOOOO!!''''' ''[Hits the floor; grumbles noises]'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[annoyed]'' Ugh! You're such a pain. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': So, why don't you sell me and buy a rabbit instead?! ''[starts walking upstairs to her bedroom]'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': At least the rabbit will behave better than you! :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Go ahead, then you'll be happy, because it will be smarter than me, too! :'''Nani Pelekai''': AND QUIETER!? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': You'll like it, because it's '''''stinky like YOU!''' [enters her bedroom and slams the door]'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[angrily] '''GO TO YOUR ROOM!!!!!!''''' :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[opens the door; angrily] '''I'M ALREADY IN MY ROOM!!''''' :''[Lilo slams the door again, Nani walks into to the living room, grabs a pillow off the couch and angrily screams in it, while Lilo is in her room doing the same with off-screen dog barks]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Later that night, Lilo is playing with Scrump in bed. Nani comes in with a plate of pizza.]'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[comes in]'' Hey, I brought you some pizza, in case you were hungry. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[sadly]'' We're a broken family, aren't we? :'''Nani Pelekai''': No. ''[places pizza slice on Lilo's nightstand]'' Maybe a little. Maybe a lot. I shouldn't have yelled at you. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': We're sisters, it's our job. :'''Nani Pelekai''': Yeah, well, from now on-- :'''Lilo Pelekai''': I like you better as a sister than a mom. :'''Nani Pelekai''': Yeah? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[voice breaking]'' And you like me better as a sister than a rabbit, right? ''[sniffles]'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[picks up Lilo and gets on her bed; calmly]'' Oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Yes. Yes, I do. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[sniffles]'' I hit Mertle Edmonds today. :'''Nani Pelekai''': You hit her? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Before I bit her. :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[shocked]'' You bit her? Lilo, you shouldn't-- :'''Lilo Pelekai''': People treat me different. :'''Nani Pelekai''': They just don't know what to say. I'll tell you what. If you promise not to fight anymore, I promise not to yell at you, except on special occasions. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Tuesdays and bank holidays would be good. :'''Nani Pelekai''': Yeah? Would that be good? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[giggles and notices the camera]'' Oh, my camera's full again. ''[whispers]'' {{small|Aren't they beautiful?}} ''[they look at the pictures Lilo took. The lamp suddenly turns off, and they both head for the window to see a flaming police cruiser falling from the sky.]'' A fallin' star! ''[the space police cruiser crashes with an explosions]'' I call it! Get out! ''[the lamp turns back on]'' Get out! I have to make a witch! ''[tries to push Nani out of her room]'' Can't you go any faster?! :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[dizzy; leans back]'' Oh, no! Gravity is increasing on me! :'''Lilo Pelekai''': No, it's not!! :'''Nani Pelekai''': It's too, Lilo, the same thing happened yesterday. ''[faints on top of Lilo]'' :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[angrily]'' '''''YOU ROTTEN SISTER, YOUR BUTT IS CRUSHIN' ME!! WHY DO YOU ACT SO WEIRD?!''''' ''[furiously slams the door with the sign: "Kapu" on Nani's head; Nani peeks in to hear her wish]'' It's me again. I need someone to be my friend, someone who won't run away. Maybe send me an angel. The nicest angel you have. <hr width="50%"/> :''[After 626 is hit by a truck, the three guys get out of each to see what happened]'' :'''Driver #1''': What we when hit?! ''[he and the other men turn on their flashlights and investigate under the truck to see 626]'' There it is. It stay jammed under the fender. ''[626 passes out with his arm danglin', the drivers gasped]'' :'''Driver #2''': We better call somebody. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Nani and Lilo are at an animal shelter to adopt a pet dog]'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[to shelter worker]'' We're looking for something that can defend itself. Something that won't die, something...sturdy, you know? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Like a lobster. :'''Nani Pelekai''': Lilo, you ''lolo.'' Do we have a lobster door? No, we have a dog door. We are getting a dog. ''[626 sneaks out of the shelter, and avoids getting hit from plasma cannon]'' :'''Jumba''': ''[off-screen]'' Ah-ha! So nice to see your pretty face again! :'''626''': Jumba? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Hi. :'''626''': Hoo, ha...Hi. ''[hugs her tightly]'' :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[amazed]'' Wow! ''[Later in the lobby]'' :'''Rescue Lady''': Oh, yes. Mmm-hmm. ''[Lilo comes back with 626]'' All of our dogs are adoptable. ''[sees 626; alarmed]'' '''''EXCEPT THAT ONE!''''' ''[runs and takes 626 away from Lilo]'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[pulls Lilo away from 626]'' What is that thing?! :'''Rescue Lady''': A dog, I think. But it was dead this morning! :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[confused]'' It was ''dead'' this morning? :'''Rescue Lady''': We thought it was dead; it was hit by a truck! :'''Lilo Pelekai''': I like him! Come here, boy! :''[626 forcefully, against the rescue lady's grip, walks himself forward to get to Lilo as she calls him to her, climbing up onto Nani and Lilo's laps]'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[screams and pushes 626 away from her and Lilo; composes herself]'' Wouldn't you like a different dog? :'''Rescue Lady''': ''[a bit breathless]'' We have better dogs, dear. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Not better than him. He can talk. Say "hello". :'''626''': He-Hel-- :'''Rescue Lady''': Dogs can't talk, dear. ''[626 narrows his eyes and bares his teeth in frustration]'' :'''Lilo Pelekai''': He did. :'''Nani Pelekai''': Does it have to be this dog? ''[626 pants a few times before rolling his tongue out, sticking it up his nose and putting it back in his mouth, smacking his lips]'' :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Yes. He's good. I can tell. ''[Later]'' :'''Rescue Lady''': ''[filling out paperwork at the front desk]'' You'll have to think of a name for him. :''[standing on a chair, 626 looks out the window]'' :'''Lilo Pelekai''': His name is Stitch. ''[626, now known as Stitch, looks at Lilo]'' :'''Rescue Lady''': Now, that's not a real name... ''[Nani shakes her head quickly and waves her hand as if to say "No! Don't say that!"]'' ...in...Iceland. But here, it's a good name. Stitch, it is. And there's a $2 license fee. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': I want to buy him! ''[whispers]'' {{small|Can I borrow $2?}} :''[With a semi-irritated look, Nani takes the money from the rescue lady and hands it to Lilo. Lilo then taps the money on her shoulder and hands it back to her, handing it to the shelter worker]'' :'''Rescue Lady''': ''[stamps the adoption papers and hands the paper to Lilo with a friendly smile]'' He's all yours. :'''Jumba''': ''[looks at Stitch through his scope]'' You're all mine. :'''Agent Pleakley''': Well, what's he doing? :'''Jumba''': ''Shh!'' Keep quiet. He's listening for us. :'''Agent Pleakley''': ''[whispering]'' How good is his hearing? ''[Stitch turns his head]'' I mean, can he-- ''[Jumba angrily chokes him, Stitch opens the door and gets us outs]'' :'''Jumba''': ''[turns on the red laser pointer at Stitch]'' Why don't you run? ''[slowly squeezes plasma cannon's trigger]'' :'''Stitch''': Bark! Bark! Bark! :'''Lilo Pelekai''': I'm coming, I'm coming! ''[hugs Stitch]'' :'''Agent Pleakley''': ''[pushes Jumba's plasma gun away just as it fires]'' '''''STOP!''''' I have just determined the situation to be far too hazardous! :'''Jumba''': ''[pushes Pleakley out of his way]'' Don't worry, I won't hit her. :'''Agent Pleakley''': ''[plugs plasma cannon with his fingers]'' '''''NO!''''' That girl is part of the mosquito food chain. ''[hands Jumba his View-Master]'' Here, educate yourself. :'''Jumba''': ''[incensed]'' Using that little girl for a shield. ''[angrily]'' [[The Lion King 1½|'''''THIS IS LOW, EVEN FOR YOU!?''''']] :'''Sitich''': Woo-hoo! :'''Jumba''': Augh! ''[Pushes Pleakley out of his way again]'' Tear him apart with all both my hands! :'''Agent Pleakley''': ''[to Jumba]'' Have you lost your mind?! :'''Lilo Pelekai''': What is it, Stitch? :'''Agent Pleakley''': We cannot be seen! :'''Rescue Lady''': Bad dog, barking at nothing! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[sees Mertle, Teresa, and Yuki on their tricycles]'' My friends! ''[They scream and try to make a run for it, but Lilo approaches them]'' :'''Mertle Edmonds''': ''[annoyed]'' What do you want? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': I'm sorry I bit you, and pulled your hair, and punched you in the face. :'''Mertle''': Apology ''not'' accepted. Now get out of my way before I run you over. ''[screams as she sees Stitch crawls towards her]'' :'''Lilo Pelekai''': (Oh, look, Mertle), I got a new dog. His name is Stitch. :'''Mertle Edmonds''': ''That'' is the ugliest thing I have ever saw. :'''Teresa & Yuki''': ''[simultaneously] Yeaaaaaaah.'' :'''Mertle Edmonds''': Ew! Get it away from me! ''[Stitch gasps as he sees a disguised Jumba and Pleakley]'' I'm gonna get a disease! ''[shrieks as Stitch shoves her off her strike, and she wails as Lilo and Stitch escapes]'' Somebody, do something!? :'''Agent Pleakley''': Oh, great! He's loose! :'''Jumba''': His destructive programming is taking effect. He will be irresistibly drawn to large cities where he will back up sewers, reverse street signs, and steal everyone's left shoe. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Boss''': ''[to Nani]'' Hey, Nani. Is that your dog? :'''Nani''': Uh... <hr width="50%"/> :''[Lilo, Stitch and Nani arrived home, after Nani "quit" her job by stops Stitch from chews on Pleakley's head]'' :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Did you lose your job because of me and Stitch? :'''Nani Pelekai''': Nah. The manager's a vampire and he wanted me to join his legion of the undead. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': I knew it. ''[they enter the house]'' This is a great home. You'll like it a lot. ''[Nani turns on the light]'' See? :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[closes the door]'' Uh, Lilo? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Comfy. ''[Stitch pushes Lilo and tears the pillow]'' Hey! :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[snatches the pillow from Stitch]'' Hey, what is the matter with you?! :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Be careful of the little angel. :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[as Stitch curls himself into a ball rolls into the kitchen]'' It's not an angel, Lilo. I don't even think it's a dog. We just have to take him back. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': He's just cranky because it's his bedtime. :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[off-screen; as Stitch enters the kitchen]'' He's creepy, Lilo. I won't sleep while he's loose in the house. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[off-screen]'' You're loose in the house all the time and I sleep just fine! ''[enters, sees Stitch messing with the blender]'' Hey, what are you doing? Stop that, Stitch! :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[enters]'' '''HEY!''' ''[angrily snatches the blender away and picks up a struggles Stitch]'' Look it, Lilo, he's obviously mutated from something else. We have to take him back! :'''Lilo Pelekai''': He was an orphan and we adopted him! What about o'hana?!'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': He hasn't been here that long. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Neither have I. Dad says o'hana means family. ''[Nani opens the door, then realizes what Lilo said and shuts the door]'' :'''Stitch''': ''[puzzled]'' Huh? :'''Lilo Pelekai:''' O'hana means 'family'. Family means-- :'''Nani Pelekai''': --nobody gets left behind. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Or... :'''Nani Pelekai''': Or forgotten. I know, I know. I hate it when you o'hana against me. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[sticks her tongue, Nani does the same and drops Stitch; she and Stitch then head upstairs to her bedroom]'' Don't worry, you can sleep right next to me. ''[Nani sighs exhaustedly as she lays down on the couch]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[after Stitch builds a model of San Francisco and pretends to be a giant monster]'' No more caffeine for you. ''[As Pleakley gets himself comfortable for the night, Jumba looks at Stitch through binoculars]'' :'''Jumba''': ''[laughs in amusement]'' This little girl is wasting her time. 626 cannot be taught to ignore its destructive programming. Ooh! Push that over. ''[to Pleakley]'' What are you doing? :'''Agent Pleakley''': ''[quickly takes his wig off]'' Nothing! :'''Jumba''': Uh, say, I want to try it on. :'''Agent Pleakley''': ''No!'' :'''Jumba''': ''[angrily snatches his wig]'' Share! Let me try it on! :'''Agent Pleakley''': Hey! Ow! You're just jealous 'cause I'm pretty! ''[notices a mosquito]'' Don't move. (Look.) A mosquito has chosen me as her perch. She's so beautiful. ''[moreness mosquitoes flies in]'' Look, another one. And another one! ''[a whole mosquito swarm flies in, covering him]'' Why, it is a whole flock, and they like me! They're nuzzling my flesh with their noses. Now, they're, um, they're-- ''[in alarm, he realizes the mosquitoes are sucking his blood; the scene cuts to a different shot as he screams painfully, offscreen]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Nani? Nani. :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[wakes up]'' Yeah? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Look. ''[puts Stitch's claw on the record and opens Stitch's mouth to hear Elvis Presley's "[[w:Suspicious Minds|Suspicious Minds]]", repeatedly opens and closes his mouth]'' :'''Elvis Presley''': ''[from Stitch's mouth; singing]'' We can't go on together / With suspicious minds / And we can't build our dreams / On suspicious minds. :''[Nani is surprised and confused about it, but hears a knock on the door, so she rushes out of her bed. She opens it to reveal Cobra Bubbles, and gasps in alarm]'' :'''Cobra Bubbles''': Heard you lost your job. :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[as Stitch comes out with a dictionary]'' Well, uh, actually, I just quit that job because, you know, the hours are just not conducive to the challenges of raising a child. ''[Stitch growls and chucks the book at Cobra's face]'' :'''Cobra Bubbles''': ''[grunts]'' '''''HEY!''''' :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[gasps; picks up Stitch]'' I am so sorry about that. :'''Cobra Bubbles''': What is that thing? ''[Nani drops Stitch]'' :'''Lilo Pelekai''': That's my puppy! :'''Cobra Bubbles''': Really? ''[cracks his neck, to Nani; sternly]'' Thus far, you have been adrift in the sheltered harbor of my patience, but I cannot ignore you being jobless. Do I make myself clear? :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[understanding]'' Perfectly. :'''Cobra Bubbles''': ''[to Lilo]'' And next time I see this dog, I expect it to be a model citizen. Capiche? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[confused]'' Uh, yes? :'''Cobra Bubbles''': ''[to Nani]'' New job. ''[to Lilo; referring to Stitch]'' Model citizen. ''[puts on his sunglasses and the lens comes off]'' Good day. ''[leaves]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Meanwhile, at the shore from miles to Lilo's house]'' :'''Agent Pleakley''': '''''HELP!''''' I don't like the ocean! ''[cut to the waves of the ocean; off-screen]'' '''''AH!''''' Oh, look, a friendly little dolphin. ''[coughs]'' They helped sailors in the war. And, uh-- No, it's a shark! It's a shark, and it ain't friendly! It looks like a dolphin. Tricky fish! Tricky fish! Oh, octopus, come and help me? ''[gets out of the ocean, with small octopus on his face]'' An octo-octopus is worse than a shark! I hate this planet!? ''[Pleakley pulls the octopus out of his face and throws it out, as he starts gasping for air. He lays next to Jumba, who had failed to capture Stitch.]'' :'''Jumba''': Little monster. ''[Pleakley's phone begins to ring, he gets it out, shakes water off and answers it.]'' :'''Agent Pleakley''': Uh, Agent Pleakley here. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': I have lost patience with you both. Have you captured 626 or not? :'''Agent Pleakley''': Um...uh...uh-- :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Consider yourselves fired and prison bound. Your incompetence is nothing short of unspeakable. ''[hangs up]'' :'''Agent Pleakley''': But, uh, mm-- ''[sobs]'' :'''Jumba''': We're fired! Now we do it my way! ''[gets up to find Stitch]'' :'''Agent Pleakley''': Your way? ''[sniffles]'' Oh, uh, wait! :''[cut to alien headquarters]'' :'''Grand Councilwoman''': It seems I have overestimated Jumber and Blinkley. :'''Captain Gantu''': Uh, Jumba and Pleakley. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Whatever. The mission is in jeopardy. This could be your chance to redeem yourself, Captain Gantu. How soon will you be prepared to leave? :'''Captain Gantu''': Immediately. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Stitch wakes up in the jungle, hears a noise. He looks around. Then Jumba enters and laughs, but Stitch gasps.]'' :'''Jumba''': Don't run. Don't make me shoot you. You were expensive. Yes. Yes, that's it. Come quietly. :'''Stitch''': Mm, waiting. :'''Jumba''': For what? ''[notices the Ugly Duckling book]'' :'''Stitch''': Family. :'''Jumba''': Ah. You don't have one. I made you. :'''Stitch''': Oh, maybe I could-- :'''Jumba''': You’re built to destroy. You can never belong. Now come quietly, and we will take you apart. ''[Stitch runs off]'' No, no, no, no, dont, don't run! Don't run! Aye! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Stitch grabs Jumba's plasma gun, but Jumba plugs it with a carrot]'' :'''Jumba''': You shouldn't play with guns. :'''Stitch''': ''[gives it to him]'' Oh, okay. :'''Jumba''': Thank you. ''[hears the gun beeping, realizes it's overloading and throws it back to Stitch]'' Oh, I just remembered; it's your birthday! Happy birthday! :'''Stitch''': ''[throws it to him; grunts]'' Merry Christmas! :'''Jumba''': ''[throws it back]'' It's not Christmas! :'''Stitch''': ''[throws it back]'' Happy Hannukah! :''[As Jumba and Stitch play hot potato with the overloading gun, Pleakley grabs Lilo and runs out of the house]'' :'''Jumba''': ''[in background, overlapped by Lilo]'' It's not Hannukah! :'''Lilo Pelekai''': We're leaving Stitch?! :'''Agent Pleakley''': Trust me, this is not going to end well! :''[Back to Jumba and Stitch]'' :'''Jumba''': One potato! :'''Stitch''': Two potato! :'''Jumba''': Three potato! :'''Stitch''': Four! :'''Jumba''': Five potato! :'''Stitch''': Six potato! :'''Jumba''': Seven potato, more! :'''Stitch''': My... :'''Jumba''': ...mother... :'''Stitch''': ...told... :'''Jumba''': ...me... :'''Stitch''': ...you... :'''Jumba''': ...are... :'''Stitch''': ...it. :'''Jumba''': Ha! I win! :''[The gun explodes, destroying Lilo's house. One of the flying objects from the explosion hits Pleakley, and he screams and flies off-screen]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[After the Pelekai house is destroyed, Nani quickly arrives at the scene while Lilo is explaining to Cobra about everything that happened]'' :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[describing Jumba and Pleakley]'' One of them had a giant eye in the middle of his face. :'''Nani Pelekai''': Oh, Lilo. ''[Cobra puts Lilo in his car and shuts the car door]'' Please, don't do this. :'''Cobra Bubbles''': You know I have no choice. :'''Nani Pelekai''': '''''No!''''' You're ''not'' taking her! I'm the only one who understands her, and if you take that away, she won't stand a chance! :'''Cobra Bubbles''': You're making this harder than it needs to be. :'''Nani Pelekai''': You don't know what you're doing! '''''She needs me!''''' :'''Cobra Bubbles''': ''[angrily points at her destroyed house]'' Is ''this'' what she needs?! It seems clear to me that you need her a lot more than she needs you. ''[Lilo gets out of his car on the other side and flees into the tropical forest]'' Lilo! '''LILO!''' :'''Nani Pelekai''': Lilo! :''[Stitch looks at Lilo's family portrait; Lilo then enters the tropic woods, where Stitch surprises her and hands her the portrait]'' :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[coldly]'' You ruined everything. ''[Stitch hesitantly reveals his true alien form]'' You're one of them? ''[angrily shoves him away; quietly]'' Get out of here, Stitch. ''[She and Stitch then suddenly get captured by Gantu]'' :'''Captain Gantu''': Surprise! ''[laughs evilly]'' And here I thought you'd be difficult to catch. Ho-ho-ho. Silly me. :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[searching for Lilo]'' Lilo? Lilo!! ''[gets passed by Gantu, and she screams in horror; hears Stitch growls and gasps in shock]'' :'''Captain Gantu''': ''[heads to his ship and puts Lilo and Stitch in his traveling glass capsule]'' There you go, all buckled up for the trip. ''[puts his capsule on the back of his ship]'' And look, I even caught you a little snack. ''[gets on his ship and starts his engine]'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[gasps]'' '''''NO, STOP!''''' ''[gets blown down to the ground; Stitch gets himself out of Gantu's capsule. Gantu's ship then takes off to the sky, leaving Stitch falling to the ground; but Lilo is still captured inside]'' Lilo. ''[Stitch gets up, but she smacks him with tree branch; angrily]'' Okay, talk. I know you had something to do with this. Now, where is Lilo? ''[Stitch doesn't answer]'' Talk! I know you can. :'''Stitch''': ''[shakes his head and sighs; annoyed]'' Okay, okay. :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[screams and smacks Stitch with tree branch; Stitch groans]'' Where's...Lilo? :'''Stitch''': ''[sighs]'' Lilo-- ''[gets zapped by plasma cannon blast]'' :'''Jumba''': ''[after he captures Stitch]'' Ha-ha! Now all your washing is up! :'''Agent Pleakley''': ''[shows his ID]'' You're under arrest! Read him his rights. :'''Jumba''': Listen carefully. ''[starts laughing while beating up Stitch]'' :''[Nani gets up and sees Jumba and Pleakley]'' :'''Agent Pleakley''': Hello, Galactic command? Experiment 626 is in custody. We'll wait right here. ''[hangs up; sees Nani walks up to them; whispers to Jumba]'' Don't interact with her. ''[he and Jumba turn around]'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': Where's Lilo? :'''Jumba''': ''[turns around]'' Who? ''[Pleakley angrily slaps him]'' ''What?'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': Lilo. My sister. :'''Jumba''': Uh, sorry. We do not know anyone by this, uh-- :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[stressed out]'' Lilo! She's a little girl, this big! She has black hair and brown eyes, and she hangs around with that '''''THING!''' [points to Stitch]'' :'''Stitch''': Uh-- :'''Jumba''': ''[sighs; solemnly]'' We know her. :'''Nani Pelekai''': Bring her back. :'''Agent Pleakley''': Oh, we can't do that. Uh-uh. That would be a misuse of Galactic resources. :'''Jumba''': See, problem is...we are just here for him. ''[referring to Stitch]'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[sadly]'' So, she's gone? :'''Agent Pleakley''': Look at the bright side. You won't have to yells at anyone anymore. ''[chuckles nervously]'' :''[Nani then sadly kneels to the ground and starts sobbing in despair that she can't get her little sister back]'' :'''Jumba''': Come. ''[Stitch, Jumba and Pleakley turn to leave]'' :'''Stitch''': ''[stops and walks back to Nani]'' ''O'hana.'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': Huh? :'''Jumba''': Hey! ''[snatches Stitch]'' Get away from her. :'''Nani Pelekai''': No! ''[quickly pulls Stitch back from Jumba; to Stitch]'' What did you say? :'''Stitch''': ''"O'hana"'' means family. Family means nobody... :'''Nani Pelekai''': Nobody gets left behind. :'''Stitch''': Or forgotten. Yeah. ''[to Jumba]'' Hey! ''[speaks alien language]'' :'''Jumba''': '''''WHAT?!''''' ''[angrily grabs Stitch]'' After all you put me through, you expect me to help you just like that?! '''''JUST LIKE THAT?!''''' :'''Stitch''': ''[nods]'' ''Ih.'' :'''Jumba''': Fine. ''[takes space handcuffs off of him]'' :'''Agent Pleakley''': "Fine"? You're doing what he says? :'''Jumba''': Uh, he's very persuasive. :'''Agent Pleakley''': "Persuasive"?! What exactly are we doing? :'''Jumba''': Rescue. :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[delightfully]'' We're gonna get Lilo? :'''Stitch''': ''[happily]'' ''Ih!'' :''[Later, they're on the motorcycle towards Jumba's ship]'' :'''Agent Pleakley''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, good! I was hoping to add theft, endangerment, and '''''INSANITY''''' to my list of things I did today! :'''Jumba''': Ha! You too?! :''[Stitch laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Don't leave me, okay? :'''Stitch''': ''[worried]'' Okay. Okay. ''[hears truck horn and sees said truck; determined]'' Okay. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Last lines]'' :'''David Kawena''': ''[to Stitch]'' So, you're from outer space, huh? I heard the surfing's choice. :''[Stitch then gets captured by one of the intergalactic guards with the Grand Councilwoman, who showed up]'' :'''Intergalactic Guard''': We have 626. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Take him to my ship. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Leave him alone. :'''Cobra Bubbles''': ''[holds her back, preventing her from interfering]'' Hold on. :'''Captain Gantu''': ''[his latest words; to Police Cruiser got Stitch]'' Grand Councilwoman, let me explain. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Silence! I am retiring you, Captain Gantu. :'''Agent Pleakley''': Actually, credit for the capture goes to-- :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Goes to ''me.'' You'll be lucky if you end up on a Fluff Trog farm after we sort this thing out. :'''Jumba''': Uh, I think I should-- :'''Grand Councilwoman''': ''You!'' You're the cause of all this! If it wasn't for Experiment 626, none of this-- :'''Stitch''': ''[interrupting]'' Stitch. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': What? :'''Stitch''': My name Stitch. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Stitch, then. If it wasn't for Stitch-- ''[realizes what just happened, turns back to Stitch]'' :'''Stitch''': Does Stitch have to go in the ship? :'''Grand Councilwoman''': ''[shocked, hesitant]'' Yes. :'''Stitch''': Can Stitch say goodbye? :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Yes. :'''Stitch''': Thank you. ''[walks over to Nani and Lilo]'' :'''Grand Councilwoman''': ''[looks at Nani and Lilo]'' Who are you? :'''Stitch''': This is my family. I found it all on my own. It's little and broken, but still good. Yeah. Still good. ''[walks back to board the ship]'' :'''Agent Pleakley''': Does he really have to go? :'''Grand Councilwoman''': ''[sighs deeply]'' You know as well as I that our laws are absolute. I cannot change what the Council has decided. :'''Cobra Bubbles''': ''[whispers]'' Lilo, didn't you buy that thing at the shelter? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[takes out the adoption form from her pocket, realizing she '''can''' change the Grand Councilwoman's mind, and runs up her]'' Hey! ''[Grand Councilwoman looks down at her]'' Three days ago, I bought Stitch at the shelter. I paid $2 for him. See this stamp? I own him. ''[Grand Councilwoman takes the adoption form]'' If you take him, you're stealing. :''[Grand Councilwoman smiles with a change of heart, realizing that Lilo's right]'' :'''Cobra Bubbles''': Aliens are all about rules. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': You look familiar. :'''Cobra Bubbles''': CIA. Roswell. 1973. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': ''[remembers]'' Ah, yes. You had hair then. Take note of this. This creature has been sentenced to life in exile, ''[takes space handcuffs off of Stitch]'' a sentence that shall be henceforth served out here...on Earth. And as caretaker of the alien life-form, Stitch, this family is now under the official protection of the United Galactic Federation. We'll be checking in, now and then. :'''Cobra Bubbles''': I was afraid you were going to say that. This won't be easy to explain back at headquarters. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': I know what you mean. ''[to her intergalactic guards]'' Don't let those two get on my ship. ''[leaves]'' :''[Jumba and Pleakley wave bye to her; later, the mothership takes off from Hawaii back to space]'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[to Cobra]'' CIA? :'''Cobra Bubbles''': Former. Saved the planet once. Convinced an alien race that mosquitoes were an endangered species. Now, about your house. ''[Cuts to Stitch playing the ukulele, but stops for a moment]'' :'''Stitch''': Wait. ''[Elvis Presley music playing a song [[w:Burning Love|Burning Love]]]'' :'''Elvis Presley''': ''[singing]'' Lord Almighty, I feel my temperature risin', mmm / Higher, higher, it's burning through to my soul / Girl, girl, girl, girl, you're gonna set me on fire / My brain is flamin', I don't know which way to go, yeah...| Your kisses lift me higher / Like a sweet song of a choir You light my mornin' sky with burning love, mmm...| Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, I feel my temperature risin', mm / Help me, I'm flamin', I must be a 109, mmm / Burnin', burnin', burnin' and nothing can cool me, yeah / I just might turn into smoke, but I feel fine...| 'Cause your kisses lift me higher / Like the sweet song of a choir / And you light my mornin' sky with burning love...| It's comin' closer, the flames are now lickin' my body, mm / Won't you help me? I feel like I'm slippin' away / It's hard to breathe, and my chest is a-heavin', mmm, hmm / Lord, have mercy, I'm burning a hole where I lay, yeah...| Your kisses lift me higher / Like the sweet song of a choir / You light my morning sky with burning love / With burning love, a hunk, a hunk of burning love, ah...| I'm just a hunk, a hunk of burning love, ah / I'm just a hunk, a hunk of burning love, ah, ah / A hunk, a hunk of burning love, ah, ah / A hunk, a hunk of burning love, ah, ah...| A hunk, a hunk of burning love, ah / Just a hunk, a hunk of burning love, ah, ah / A hunk, a hunk of burning love, ah, ah, ah / I'm just a hunk, a hunk of burning love. ''[song fades]'' == A-TEENS lyrics (Can't Help Falling in Love) == :'''A-Teens''': I just can't help falling in love with you...| Wise men say / Only fools rush in / But I can't help falling in love with you...| Shall I stay? / Would it be a sin? / If I can't help falling in love with you...| Like a river flows to the sea / So it goes, some things are meant to be / Some things are meant to be...| Take my hand / Take my whole life too / For I can't help falling in love with you...| Wise men say / Only fools rush in / But I can't, I can't help falling in love with you...| Like a river flows to the sea / So it goes, some things are meant to be / Some things are meant to be...| Take my hand / Take my whole life too / For I can't help falling in love with you...| Take my hand / Take my whole life too / For I can't help falling in love with you / For I can't help falling in love / Falling in love with you...| Like a river flows, that's the way it works / I just can't help falling in love with you...| Like a river flows, that's the way it goes / I just can't help falling / Falling in love with you...| Like a river flows, that's the way it works / I just can't help falling in love with you...| Like a river flows, that's the way it goes / I just can't help falling / Falling in love with you...|''[chorus singing]'' == Others == :GALACTIC FEDERATION HEADQUARTERS PLANET TURO ''[text displayed at the beginning of the movie]'' :PRISON TRANSPORT DURGON ''[text displayed at the beginning of the movie]'' == Taglines == *There's one in every family. *His name is Stitch. And he's coming to our galaxy next summer. *Meet Stitch. This Summer, He's Coming to OUR Planet. *He's coming to our galaxy. *On June 21, The tradition is under attack. *May the Stitch be with you. ==Cast== * [[w:Daveigh Chase|Daveigh Chase]] — Lilo Pelekai * [[w:Chris Sanders|Christopher Michael Sanders]] — [[w:Stitch (Lilo & Stitch)|Stitch]] * [[w:Tia Carrere|Tia Carrere]] — Nani Pelekai * [[w:David Ogden Stiers|David Ogden Stiers]] — Dr. Jumba Jookiba * [[w:Kevin McDonald|Kevin McDonald]] — Agent Wendy Pleakley * [[w:Ving Rhames|Ving Rhames]] — Cobra Bubbles * [[w:Kevin Michael Richardson|Kevin Michael Richardson]] — Captain Gantu * [[w:Zoe Caldwell|Zoe Caldwell]] — The Grand Councilwoman * [[w:Jason Scott Lee|Jason Scott Lee]] — David Kawena * [[w:Amy Hill|Amy Hill]] — Lynne Hasagawa * Miranda Paige Walls — Mildred Pearl "Mertle" Edmonds ==See also== * ''[[Disney's Stitch: Experiment 626]]'', a 2002 prequel video game * ''[[Lilo & Stitch: The Series]]'', a sequel TV series that aired from 2003 to 2006 ** ''[[Stitch! The Movie]]'', the 2003 direct-to-video film pilot to the above series, the first released sequel in the franchise and the second sequel chronologically ** ''[[Leroy & Stitch]]'', the 2006 TV film finale to the above series and the third and finale sequel film to this film * ''[[Lilo & Stitch 2: Stitch Has a Glitch]]'', a 2005 direct-to-video sequel film to this film, the second released sequel in the franchise and the first sequel chronologically * ''[[Lilo & Stitch (2025 film)|Lilo & Stitch]]'', a live-action remake of this film directed by Dean Fleischer Camp. * ''[[How to Train Your Dragon (film)|How to Train Your Dragon]]'', a 2010 DreamWorks Animation film also written and directed by Chris Sanders and Dean DeBlois * ''[[The Croods]]'', a 2013 DreamWorks Animation film also written and directed by Chris Sanders * ''[[The Call of the Wild (2020 film)|The Call of the Wild]]'', a 2020 20th Century Studios film also directed by Chris Sanders * ''[[The Wild Robot]]'', a 2024 DreamWorks Animation film also written and directed by Chris Sanders * ''[[How to Train Your Dragon (2025 film)|How to Train Your Dragon]]'', a 2025 live-action remake also written and directed by Dean DeBlois * ''[[w:Shrek 5|Shrek 5]]'' a 2026 DreamWorks Animation film also supervising executive Chris Sanders ==External Links== {{wikipedia}} {{commons}} * {{imdb title|0275847}} {{Lilo & Stitch}} {{Disney}} {{Walt Disney Animation Studios}} [[Category:2002 films]] [[Category:2002 animated films]] [[Category:2002 American animated films]] [[Category:Traditionally animated films]] [[Category:American films]] [[Category:American children's animated comic science fiction films]] [[Category:Animated buddy films]] [[Category:Lilo & Stitch]] [[Category:Films about children]] [[Category:Films about dysfunctional families]] [[Category:Animated films about sisters]] [[Category:Films set on islands]] [[Category:Films set in Hawaii]] [[Category:Films directed by Chris Sanders]] [[Category:Animated films about extraterrestrial life]] [[Category:The Walt Disney Company]] [[Category:2000s English-language films]] [[Category:Impact of the September 11 attacks on cinema]] askld2njvjyvqhr5fsi0c460xuehv61 3778825 3778823 2025-07-14T19:56:28Z 2600:1004:B0AB:49BD:DC4D:D333:6094:3C75 /* Pleakley */ 3778825 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Anime North 2017 Disney Lilo and Stitch IMG 5003.jpg|thumb|Ohana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.]] {{italic title}}'''''[[w:Lilo & Stitch|Lilo & Stitch]]''''' is a [[w:2002 in film|2002]] American-Hawaiian [[w: Animated film|animated]] [[w:Science fiction comedy|science fiction]] [[w:Comedy-drama|comedy-drama]] film produced by [[w:Walt Disney Animation Studios|Walt Disney Feature Animation]] and released by [[w:Walt Disney Pictures|Walt Disney Pictures]] on June 21, 2002, about a Hawaiian girl who adopts an unusual pet who is actually a notorious extraterrestrial fugitive from the law. The direct to video sequels were released in 2003 with ''[[Stitch! The Movie]]'', 2005 with ''[[Lilo & Stitch 2: Stitch Has a Glitch]]'' and 2006 with ''[[Leroy & Stitch]]'', while the animated [[Lilo & Stitch: The Series|spinoff series of the same title]] aired on [[w:American Broadcasting Company|ABC]] and [[w:Disney Channel|Disney Channel]] from September 20, 2003 to July 29, 2006. The [[Lilo & Stitch (2025 film)|live-action remake of the same name]] was released on May 23, 2025. :''Written and directed by [[w:Chris Sanders (director)|Chris Sanders]] and [[w:Dean DeBlois|Dean DeBlois]].'' :''Based on an original story by [[w:Chris Sanders (director)|Chris Sanders]].'' :''Music by [[w:Alan Silvestri|Alan Silvestri]]'' and includes "Can't Help Falling in Love". Written by [[w:Luigi Creatore|Luigi Creatore]], [[w:Hugo Peretti|Hugo Peretti]], and [[w:George David Weiss|George David Weiss]] and performed by [[w:A-Teens|A-Teens]]. '''Note:''' The number of Stitch's original name (Experiment 626) is pronounced by-digit as "Six-Two-Six".<br>'''Tagline:''' His name... is Stitch. And he's coming to our galaxy next summer. ([[Lilo & Stitch#Taglines|taglines]]) == Lilo Pelekai == * Every Thursday, I make Pudge the Fish a peanut butter sandwich. * Leave me alone to die. * ''[meeting Cobra Bubbles; suspicious]'' You don't look like a social worker. * Yeah. She disciplines me real good. Sometimes five times a day... with bricks. * I'm already in my room!!? * We're a broken family, aren't we? * Not better than him. He can talk. Say "hello". * It's nice to live on an island with no large cities. ''[Stitch starts throws a tantrum]'' Are you okay? * Elvis Presley was a model citizen. I've compiled a list of his traits for you to practice. Number one is dancing. ''[takes out a hula skirt]'' * ''[as Stitch lifts her pillow, revealing the photo of her and Nani's deceased parents]'' That's us before. It was rainy and they went for a drive. What happened to yours? I hear you cry at night. Do you dream about them? I know that's why you wreck things and push me. Our family's little now and we don't have many toys. But if you want, you could be part of it. You could be our baby, and we'd raise you to be good. ''"O'hana"'' means family. Family means nobody gets left behind. But if you want to leave, you can. I'll remember you, though. I remember everyone that leaves. == Nani Pelekai == * Why didn't you wait at school? You were supposed to wait there! Lilo! Do you not understand? Do you want to be taken away? Answer me! * At least a rabbit would behave better than you! * And quieter! * Go to your room!? * Nah. The manager's a vampire. He wanted me to join his legion of the undead. * Oh, that'd be so great! You have no idea how badly I need this job. == Mr. Kawena == Random == Stitch (626) == Random == Pleakley == Random == Jumba == Random == Others == * '''Alien Guard''': ''[626 attacks the crook]'' Security to bridge. * '''Hotel Manager''': Hello, we might have something. * '''Blonde Lifeguard Woman''': Actually, I do think we have an opening. * '''Computer Voice''': Target 626 is in motion. Speed is 84. == Dialogue == :GALACTIC FEDERATION HEADQUARTERS PLANET TURO ''[text displayed at the beginning of the movie]'' :''[First lines; The movie begins in outer space, deep in the galaxy. Crowds of creatures line the walls in a cavernous blue hall]'' :'''Grand Councilwoman''': ''[stepping into the light]'' Read the charges. :'''Captain Gantu''': ''[his first words]'' Dr. Jumba Jookiba, lead scientist of Galaxy Defense Industries, you stand before this council, accused of illegal genetic experimentation. ''[The experiment inside the machine is brought in]'' :'''Grand Councilwoman''': How do you plead? :'''Jumba''': ''Not'' guilty. My experiments are only theoretical, completely within legal boundaries. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': We believe you actually created something. :'''Jumba''': Created something? Ha! But that would be irresponsible and unethical. I would never, ever... ''[A blue koala/hyena/fossa-like creature with rabbit/bat-like ears with kangaroo/cow/lion-like tail is revealed]'' ...make more than one. ''[He growls and squirms around in the canister, causes the entire alien council to quiver in fear.]'' :'''Captain Gantu''': What is that monstrosity? :'''Jumba''': Monstrosity?! What you see before you is the first of a new species. I call it, "Experiment 626". He is bullet-proof, fire-proof, and can think faster than supercomputer. He can see in the dark and move objects 3,000 times his size. His only instinct: to destroy everything he touches! ''[laughs crazily]'' :'''Grand Councilwoman''': So, it is a monster? :'''Jumba''': Ah, just a little one. :'''Captain Gantu''': It is an affront to nature. It must be DESTROYED. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Calm yourself, Captain Gantu. Perhaps it can be reasoned with. Experiment 626, give us some sign you understand any of this. Show us that there is something inside you that is good. :'''626''': ''[clears throat]'' Meega nala kweesta! ''[The Grand Councilwoman and the whole alien council gasps in shocked.]'' :'''Grand Councilwoman''': So NAUGHTY. :''[626 cackles wildly]'' :'''Jumba''': I didn't teach him that! :'''Captain Gantu''': Place that idiot scientist under arrest! :'''Jumba''': ''[gets sealed up]'' I'd preferred to be called "evil genius!" ''[gets taken away and thrown into the prison cell blocks]'' :'''Grand Councilwoman''': And as for that abomination, ''[626 licks up the canister]'' it is the flawed product of a deranged mind. It has no place among us. Captain Gantu, take him away. :'''Captain Gantu''': With pleasure. ''[cracks his knuckles]'' <hr width="50%"/> :PRISON TRANSPORT DURGON ''[text displayed at the beginning of the movie]'' :'''Captain Gantu''': ''[626 growls at the spaceship]'' Uncomfortable? Oh, good! The council has banished you to exile on a desert asteroid. ''[smiles tauntingly]'' So, relax, enjoy the trip and don't get any ideas. These guns are locked onto your genetic signature. They won't shoot anyone but you. ''[points at 626 on the forehead. 626 lashes out and bites Gantu's finger]'' Ow! ''[gets his gun out]'' Why, you... :'''Hammerhead Guard''': May I remind the captain that he is on duty. :'''Captain Gantu''': Secure the cell! :'''Hammerhead Guard''': Aye, Captain. :''[Captain Gantu walks away]'' :'''Computer''': Captain on deck. :'''Captain Gantu''': All ahead full. Do... Does this, uh, look infected to you? :''[The spaceship flies off. 626 looks at the guns whirring and gurgling]'' :'''Hammerhead Guard''': Oh! Quiet, you. :''[626 growls and spits his spit at something and the guns fire]'' :'''First Officer Ombit''': Gunfire in the cell bay! :'''Captain Gantu''': Open a channel. What's going on down there? Lieutenant, respond! :''[626 growls and spits his spit at the hammerhead guard and the guns fire]'' :'''First Officer Ombit''': He's loose on Deck C! :'''Captain Gantu''': Red alert. Seal off the deck! ''[626 attacking and the guns fire]'' Security, converge on door seven! Deadly force authorized. Fire on sight! I repeat: Fire on sight! :'''Security Guard''': There he is! :'''Alien Guard''': ''[626 attacks the crook]'' Security to bridge. :'''Intercom''': It's in the ventilation system. :'''Captain Gantu''': ''[guns fire getting crook]'' He's headed for the power... ''[turns his off]'' grid. ''[loud thud and whooshing]'' What was that? :'''Ensign Getco''': I don't think he's on the ship anymore. :'''First Officer Ombit''': Confirmed. He's taken a police cruiser. :'''Ensign Getco''': ''[alarm beeping]'' Yeah, he took the red one. :'''626''': ''[horn honking]'' Yee-haw! ''[rocket flies off]'' Hmm? :'''Autopilot''': That's it! We got it. We got it! :'''Computer''': ''[626 shouting and laughing]'' Hyperdrive activated. System charging. :'''First Officer Ombit''': He's engaged his H-drive! :'''Computer''': Warning, guidance is not functional. :'''Captain Gantu''': Pursuit Commander, that crazy trog is about to make a jump! :'''Autopilot''': Break formation! Get clear of that ship! :'''Computer''': Navigation failure. Do not engage hyper... :''[626 escapes in a red police cruiser and reaches hyperspace]'' :'''Captain Gantu''': ''[sighs]'' Get me Galactic Control. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': ''[storms in the base]'' '''''WHERE IS HE?!''''' :'''Alien #1''': He's still in hyperspace. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Where will he exit? :'''Alien #2''': Calculating now. Quadrant 17, section 005, area 51. A planet called...E-arth. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': I want an expert on this planet in here now! ''[Monitor shows 626's police cruiser heading towards planet Earth]'' What is that? :'''Alien #3''': Water. Most of the planet is covered in it. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': He won't survive in water. His molecular density is too great. ''[other aliens watch as 626's police cruiser moves closer]'' No. ''[monitor shows that Experiment 626's police cruiser will eventually land on the Hawaiian Island of Kauai]'' Of course. How much time do we have? :'''Alien #2''': We have projected his landing at three hours, 42 minutes. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Oh, we have to gas the planet. :'''Agent Pleakley''': Hold it! Hold everything! Earth is a protected wildlife reserve. Yeah, we've been using it to rebuild the mosquito population which, need I remind you, is an endangered species! :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Am I to assume you are the expert? :'''Agent Pleakley''': ''[laughing modestly]'' Oh, I don't know about expert. ''[clears throat]'' Agent Pleakley at your service. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Can we not simply destroy the island? :'''Agent Pleakley''': No! Crazyhead! The mosquito's food of choice, primitive humanoid life forms, have colonies all over that planet. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Are they intelligent? :'''Agent Pleakley''': No, but they're very delicate. In fact, every time an asteroid strikes their planet they have to begin life all over. ''[sighs]'' It's fascinating, isn't it? With this, I've been able to study... :'''Grand Councilwoman''': What if our military forces just landed there? :'''Agent Pleakley''': Well, that'd be a bad idea! These are extremely simple creatures, miss. Landing there would create mass mayhem and planet-wide panic! :'''Grand Councilwoman''': A quiet capture would require an understanding of 6-2-6 that we do not possess! Who, then, Mr. Pleakley, would you send for his extraction? :'''Agent Pleakley''': Does he have a brother? Close grandmother, perhaps? ''[angry shouting, then insane jabbering]'' Friendly cousin? Neighbor with a beard? :''[In Jumba's cell after Experiment 626 escaped. Jumba is enraged while reading the newspaper, and tears it to shreds the newspapers while Jumba growls, just as the Grand Councilwoman and Pleakley enter]'' :'''Jumba''': ''[stops eating and chuckles]'' He got away? :'''Grand Councilwoman''': I'm sure this comes as no surprise to you. :'''Jumba''': I designed this creature for it to be unstoppable. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Which is precisely why ''you'' must now bring him back. :'''Jumba''': What, me? :'''Grand Councilwoman''': And to reward you, we are willing to trade your freedom for his capture. :'''Jumba''': ''[sighs]'' 626 will not come easily. Maybe direct hit from plasma cannon might stun him long enough to-- :'''Grand Councilwoman''': ''[interrupting, exasperated]'' Plasma cannon granted. Do we have a bargain, Dr. Jumba? ''[Jumba grunts in agreement]'' :'''Agent Pleakley''': B-B-But it's a delicate planet! ''[in a sing-song voice]'' Who's going to control him? :'''Grand Councilwoman''': You will. ''[leaves]'' :'''Agent Pleakley''': Very good, Your Highness. I-I didn't quite-- ''[realizes; scared]'' Uh, you're not joking!? :'''Jumba''': ''[to Pleakley]'' So, tell me, my little one-eyed one. On what poor, pitiful, defenseless planet has my "monstrosity" been unleashed? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chorus''': Mahalo nui 'ia ke Ali'i wahine / 'O Lili'ulani 'O ka Wohi kū / Ka pipi'o mai o ke ānuenue / Nā waiho'olu'u a hālike 'ole / E nānā nā maka i ke ao malama / Mai Hawai'i ākea i Kaua'i...| 'O Kalākaua he inoa / 'O Ka pua mae'ole i ka lā / Ka pua maila i ka mauna / I ke kuahiwi 'o Mauna Kea / Ke 'ā maila i Kīlauea / Mālamalama i Wahinekapu / A ka luna o Uwēkahuna / I ka pali kapu o Ka'auea...| Ea mai ke ali'i kia manu / Ua wehi i ka hulu o ka mamo / Ka pua nani a'o Hawai'i / 'O Kalākaua he inoa...| 'O Kalākaua he inoa / 'O Ka pua mae'ole i ka lā / Ka pua maila i ka mauna / I ke kuahiwi 'o Mauna Kea / Ke 'ā maila i Kīlauea. :'''Moses Puloki''': One, two, three, four... :'''Chorus''': Mālamalama i Wahinekapu / A ka luna o Uwēkahuna / I ka pali kapu o Ka'auea...| Mahalo nui 'ia ke Ali'i wahine / 'O Lili'ulani 'O ka Wohi kū...| Ea mai ke ali'i kia manu / Ua wehi i ka hulu o ka mamo / Ka pua nani a'o Hawai'i / 'O Kalākaua he inoa...| He Inoa No Kalani Kalākaua Kulele. ''[song fades]'' :'''Kids''': Whoa! Whoa! ''[Lilo, Mertle, Elena, Teresa, and Yuki slip in the puddles, one by one]'' :'''Moses Puloki''': Stop, stop. Lilo, why are you all wet? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': It's sandwich day. ''[Moses looks confused; sighs and confesses]'' Every Thursday, I make Pudge the Fish a peanut butter sandwich. :'''Moses Puloki''': ''[still confused]'' Pudge is a fish? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[continues]'' And today we were out of peanut butter! So, I asked my sister what to give him, and she said a [[w:tuna|tuna]] sandwich! I can't give Pudge tuna! ''[whispers]'' Do you know what tuna is? :'''Moses Puloki''': ''[hesitantly]'' Fish? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': '''''IT'S FISH!!!!!!''''' If I gave Pudge tuna, I'd be an abomination! I'm late, because I had to go to the store, and get peanut butter, 'cause all we have is, ''IS STINKIN' TUNA!!''''' :'''Moses Puloki''': Lilo, Lilo. Why is this so important? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[calmly]'' Pudge controls the weather. ''[Everyone exchanges surprised looks at each other]'' :'''Mertle Edmonds''': You're crazy. ''[Lilo angrily jumps on her and punches and wrecks her, having to have heard that, then the other girls run away screaming]'' :'''Moses Puloki''': ''[worried]'' No! Please! Please! ''[picks Lilo up]'' Everybody calm down! ''[puts her down; Mertle cries]'' Girls. ''[in Hawaiian]'' It's okay, don't cry, Mertle. ''[in English; calmly]'' Shh. ''[to Lilo; sternly]'' Lilo-- :'''Lilo Pelekai''': I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I won't do it again?! :'''Moses Puloki''': Maybe we should call your sister. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[worried]'' No! I'll be good! I want to dance. I practiced. I just want to dance. I practiced. :'''Mertle Edmonds''': ''[notices invisible bite mark on her arm]'' Ew, she bit me. :'''Elena, Teresa, and Yuki''': Ew! :''[Fade outside the hula school where Lilo is sitting on the porch and Mertle and her friends leaves]'' :'''Moses Puloki''': ''[crouches down to Lilo's height]'' I called your sister. She said to wait for her here on the porch. We'll try again on Sunday. ''[gets up and heads back inside]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Nani heads back to the Pelekai house and finds the front door locked]'' :'''Elvis Presley''': ''[singing]'' Well, I found a new place to dwell... :'''Nani Pelekai''': Oh, Lilo. Lilo! Open the door, Lilo! :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[from inside]'' Go away. :'''Elvis Presley''': ''[singing]'' You'll be so lonely, baby... :'''Nani Pelekai''': Lilo, we don't have time for this. :'''Elvis Presley''': ''[singing]'' Well, you will be lonely... :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Leave me alone to die. :'''Nani Pelekai''': Come on, Lilo, the social worker's gonna be here any minute. :'''Elvis Presley''': ''[singing]'' You still can find some room / For brokenhearted lovers / To cry there in their gloom...| They'll be so lonely / They're so lonely, they could die...| Now, the bellhop's tears keep flowin'. :'''Nani Pelekai''': You are so finished when I get in there! Oh, I'm going to stuff you in the blender, push purée, then bake you into a pie and feed it to the social worker! And when he says, This is great. What's your secret? I'm going to say, love and nurturing. Hi. You must be the... :'''Cobra Bubbles''': The stupid head. :'''Nani Pelekai''': You know, I'm really sorry about that, and if I'd known who you were, of course I never would've... I can pay for that. :'''Cobra Bubbles''': It's a rental, are you the guardian in question? :'''Nani Pelekai''': Yes! I'm Nani. Nice to meet you, Mister... :'''Cobra Bubbles''': Bubbles. :'''Nani Pelekai''': Mr. Bubbles, that's a strange... :'''Cobra Bubbles''': Yes, I know. Are you going to invite me in, Nani? :'''Nani Pelekai''': I thought we could sit out here and talk. :'''Cobra Bubbles''': I don't think so. :'''Nani Pelekai''': Right. :'''Elvis Presley''': ''[singing]'' Although it's always crowded... :'''Nani Pelekai''': This way. :'''Elvis Presley''': ''[singing]'' You still can find some room / For brokenhearted lovers / To cry away their gloom / Where they get so, they get so lonely, baby... :'''Nani Pelekai''': Uh, wait here. :''[Nani walks to the front door at Cobra]'' :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[Off-screen]'' Hey! :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[opens the door]'' So, lemonade? :'''Cobra Bubbles''': Do you often leave your sister home alone? :'''Nani Pelekai''': No, never. Oh, well, except for just now. I had to run to the store to get some... Oh! :'''Cobra Bubbles''': You left the stove on while you were out? :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[closes the pan]'' Low heat! Just a simmer. Mmm! It's coming along great. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[to Nani]'' I found that this morning. :'''Nani Pelekai''': Lilo, there you are. Honey face, this is Mr. Bubbles. :'''Cobra Bubbles''': ''[lowers his hand for Lilo to shake]'' Nice to meet you. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[tilts her head, reading something on his knuckles]'' Your knuckles say "Cobra." ''[Cobra withdraws his hand, cracking his knuckles, and kneels down to her height]'' "Cobra Bubbles." You don't look like a social worker. :'''Cobra Bubbles''': I'm a special classification. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Did you ever kill anyone? :'''Cobra Bubbles''': We're getting off the subject. Let's talk about you. Are you... happy? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[opens her mouth with a fake smile, then talks in response to her sister's pantomiming behind him]'' I'm adjusted. I eat four food groups and look both ways before crossing the street, and take long naps, ''[Nani holds up her fist in triumphant]'' and get disciplined. ''[Nani cringes at her fist in a sign of what is supposed to say "Doing well"]'' :'''Cobra Bubbles''': Disciplined? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Yeah. She disciplines me real good. Sometimes five times a day... with bricks. :'''Cobra Bubbles''': Bricks? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Uh-huh, in a pillowcase. :'''Nani Pelekai''': Okay, that's enough sugar for you. Why don't you run along, you little cutie? The other social workers just thought she was a scream. Thirsty? :'''Cobra Bubbles''': ''[Nani opens the fridge door]'' Let me illuminate to you the precarious situation in which you have found yourself. I am the one they call when things go wrong, and things have indeed gone wrong. :''[Cobra confused. The camera moves with Lilo putting his spoons in a pickle-juice glass and closes the lid, then the shaking his pickle-juice glass]'' :'''Lilo Pelekai''': My friends need to be punished. :''[Nani groans]'' :'''Cobra Bubbles''': Call me next time you're left here alone. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Yep. :'''Cobra Bubbles''': ''[To Nani]'' In case you're wonderin', this did not go well. ''[effortlessly pulls the door open hard, lets the nails clatters]'' You have three days to change my mind. :''[Cobra closes the door and leaves while Nani quickly turns to Lilo with an angrily look; Lilo screams in horror repeatedly, and then starts runs as chases after her; tackles in the kitchen and she licks her arm]'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[disgustedly]'' '''''EW!!!''''' ''[angrily]'' '''''LILO!''''' ''[runs then stops and points to the laundry room and goes into said room. She sets a blanket on the floor, climbs on top of the dryer, and opens the door and slams it shut with her boot. Lilo quietly comes out before getting caught and is brought back to the hallway in the blanket while snarling like a tiger, then hisses like a cat; angrily grabs Lilo's arm tightly]'' Why didn't you wait at the school?! You were supposed to wait '''''there!''''' Lilo! Do you not understand? Do you ''want'' to be taken away? ''[Lilo doesn't reply back as her eyes tear up]'' Answer me! :'''Lilo Pelekai''': No! :'''Nani Pelekai''': No, you don't understand?! :'''Lilo Pelekai''': No! :'''Nani Pelekai''': No, ''what?!'' :'''Lilo Pelekai''': '''''NOOOOO!!''''' ''[Hits the floor; grumbles noises]'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[annoyed]'' Ugh! You're such a pain. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': So, why don't you sell me and buy a rabbit instead?! ''[starts walking upstairs to her bedroom]'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': At least the rabbit will behave better than you! :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Go ahead, then you'll be happy, because it will be smarter than me, too! :'''Nani Pelekai''': AND QUIETER!? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': You'll like it, because it's '''''stinky like YOU!''' [enters her bedroom and slams the door]'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[angrily] '''GO TO YOUR ROOM!!!!!!''''' :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[opens the door; angrily] '''I'M ALREADY IN MY ROOM!!''''' :''[Lilo slams the door again, Nani walks into to the living room, grabs a pillow off the couch and angrily screams in it, while Lilo is in her room doing the same with off-screen dog barks]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Later that night, Lilo is playing with Scrump in bed. Nani comes in with a plate of pizza.]'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[comes in]'' Hey, I brought you some pizza, in case you were hungry. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[sadly]'' We're a broken family, aren't we? :'''Nani Pelekai''': No. ''[places pizza slice on Lilo's nightstand]'' Maybe a little. Maybe a lot. I shouldn't have yelled at you. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': We're sisters, it's our job. :'''Nani Pelekai''': Yeah, well, from now on-- :'''Lilo Pelekai''': I like you better as a sister than a mom. :'''Nani Pelekai''': Yeah? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[voice breaking]'' And you like me better as a sister than a rabbit, right? ''[sniffles]'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[picks up Lilo and gets on her bed; calmly]'' Oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Yes. Yes, I do. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[sniffles]'' I hit Mertle Edmonds today. :'''Nani Pelekai''': You hit her? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Before I bit her. :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[shocked]'' You bit her? Lilo, you shouldn't-- :'''Lilo Pelekai''': People treat me different. :'''Nani Pelekai''': They just don't know what to say. I'll tell you what. If you promise not to fight anymore, I promise not to yell at you, except on special occasions. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Tuesdays and bank holidays would be good. :'''Nani Pelekai''': Yeah? Would that be good? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[giggles and notices the camera]'' Oh, my camera's full again. ''[whispers]'' {{small|Aren't they beautiful?}} ''[they look at the pictures Lilo took. The lamp suddenly turns off, and they both head for the window to see a flaming police cruiser falling from the sky.]'' A fallin' star! ''[the space police cruiser crashes with an explosions]'' I call it! Get out! ''[the lamp turns back on]'' Get out! I have to make a witch! ''[tries to push Nani out of her room]'' Can't you go any faster?! :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[dizzy; leans back]'' Oh, no! Gravity is increasing on me! :'''Lilo Pelekai''': No, it's not!! :'''Nani Pelekai''': It's too, Lilo, the same thing happened yesterday. ''[faints on top of Lilo]'' :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[angrily]'' '''''YOU ROTTEN SISTER, YOUR BUTT IS CRUSHIN' ME!! WHY DO YOU ACT SO WEIRD?!''''' ''[furiously slams the door with the sign: "Kapu" on Nani's head; Nani peeks in to hear her wish]'' It's me again. I need someone to be my friend, someone who won't run away. Maybe send me an angel. The nicest angel you have. <hr width="50%"/> :''[After 626 is hit by a truck, the three guys get out of each to see what happened]'' :'''Driver #1''': What we when hit?! ''[he and the other men turn on their flashlights and investigate under the truck to see 626]'' There it is. It stay jammed under the fender. ''[626 passes out with his arm danglin', the drivers gasped]'' :'''Driver #2''': We better call somebody. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Nani and Lilo are at an animal shelter to adopt a pet dog]'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[to shelter worker]'' We're looking for something that can defend itself. Something that won't die, something...sturdy, you know? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Like a lobster. :'''Nani Pelekai''': Lilo, you ''lolo.'' Do we have a lobster door? No, we have a dog door. We are getting a dog. ''[626 sneaks out of the shelter, and avoids getting hit from plasma cannon]'' :'''Jumba''': ''[off-screen]'' Ah-ha! So nice to see your pretty face again! :'''626''': Jumba? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Hi. :'''626''': Hoo, ha...Hi. ''[hugs her tightly]'' :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[amazed]'' Wow! ''[Later in the lobby]'' :'''Rescue Lady''': Oh, yes. Mmm-hmm. ''[Lilo comes back with 626]'' All of our dogs are adoptable. ''[sees 626; alarmed]'' '''''EXCEPT THAT ONE!''''' ''[runs and takes 626 away from Lilo]'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[pulls Lilo away from 626]'' What is that thing?! :'''Rescue Lady''': A dog, I think. But it was dead this morning! :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[confused]'' It was ''dead'' this morning? :'''Rescue Lady''': We thought it was dead; it was hit by a truck! :'''Lilo Pelekai''': I like him! Come here, boy! :''[626 forcefully, against the rescue lady's grip, walks himself forward to get to Lilo as she calls him to her, climbing up onto Nani and Lilo's laps]'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[screams and pushes 626 away from her and Lilo; composes herself]'' Wouldn't you like a different dog? :'''Rescue Lady''': ''[a bit breathless]'' We have better dogs, dear. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Not better than him. He can talk. Say "hello". :'''626''': He-Hel-- :'''Rescue Lady''': Dogs can't talk, dear. ''[626 narrows his eyes and bares his teeth in frustration]'' :'''Lilo Pelekai''': He did. :'''Nani Pelekai''': Does it have to be this dog? ''[626 pants a few times before rolling his tongue out, sticking it up his nose and putting it back in his mouth, smacking his lips]'' :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Yes. He's good. I can tell. ''[Later]'' :'''Rescue Lady''': ''[filling out paperwork at the front desk]'' You'll have to think of a name for him. :''[standing on a chair, 626 looks out the window]'' :'''Lilo Pelekai''': His name is Stitch. ''[626, now known as Stitch, looks at Lilo]'' :'''Rescue Lady''': Now, that's not a real name... ''[Nani shakes her head quickly and waves her hand as if to say "No! Don't say that!"]'' ...in...Iceland. But here, it's a good name. Stitch, it is. And there's a $2 license fee. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': I want to buy him! ''[whispers]'' {{small|Can I borrow $2?}} :''[With a semi-irritated look, Nani takes the money from the rescue lady and hands it to Lilo. Lilo then taps the money on her shoulder and hands it back to her, handing it to the shelter worker]'' :'''Rescue Lady''': ''[stamps the adoption papers and hands the paper to Lilo with a friendly smile]'' He's all yours. :'''Jumba''': ''[looks at Stitch through his scope]'' You're all mine. :'''Agent Pleakley''': Well, what's he doing? :'''Jumba''': ''Shh!'' Keep quiet. He's listening for us. :'''Agent Pleakley''': ''[whispering]'' How good is his hearing? ''[Stitch turns his head]'' I mean, can he-- ''[Jumba angrily chokes him, Stitch opens the door and gets us outs]'' :'''Jumba''': ''[turns on the red laser pointer at Stitch]'' Why don't you run? ''[slowly squeezes plasma cannon's trigger]'' :'''Stitch''': Bark! Bark! Bark! :'''Lilo Pelekai''': I'm coming, I'm coming! ''[hugs Stitch]'' :'''Agent Pleakley''': ''[pushes Jumba's plasma gun away just as it fires]'' '''''STOP!''''' I have just determined the situation to be far too hazardous! :'''Jumba''': ''[pushes Pleakley out of his way]'' Don't worry, I won't hit her. :'''Agent Pleakley''': ''[plugs plasma cannon with his fingers]'' '''''NO!''''' That girl is part of the mosquito food chain. ''[hands Jumba his View-Master]'' Here, educate yourself. :'''Jumba''': ''[incensed]'' Using that little girl for a shield. ''[angrily]'' [[The Lion King 1½|'''''THIS IS LOW, EVEN FOR YOU!?''''']] :'''Sitich''': Woo-hoo! :'''Jumba''': Augh! ''[Pushes Pleakley out of his way again]'' Tear him apart with all both my hands! :'''Agent Pleakley''': ''[to Jumba]'' Have you lost your mind?! :'''Lilo Pelekai''': What is it, Stitch? :'''Agent Pleakley''': We cannot be seen! :'''Rescue Lady''': Bad dog, barking at nothing! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[sees Mertle, Teresa, and Yuki on their tricycles]'' My friends! ''[They scream and try to make a run for it, but Lilo approaches them]'' :'''Mertle Edmonds''': ''[annoyed]'' What do you want? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': I'm sorry I bit you, and pulled your hair, and punched you in the face. :'''Mertle''': Apology ''not'' accepted. Now get out of my way before I run you over. ''[screams as she sees Stitch crawls towards her]'' :'''Lilo Pelekai''': (Oh, look, Mertle), I got a new dog. His name is Stitch. :'''Mertle Edmonds''': ''That'' is the ugliest thing I have ever saw. :'''Teresa & Yuki''': ''[simultaneously] Yeaaaaaaah.'' :'''Mertle Edmonds''': Ew! Get it away from me! ''[Stitch gasps as he sees a disguised Jumba and Pleakley]'' I'm gonna get a disease! ''[shrieks as Stitch shoves her off her strike, and she wails as Lilo and Stitch escapes]'' Somebody, do something!? :'''Agent Pleakley''': Oh, great! He's loose! :'''Jumba''': His destructive programming is taking effect. He will be irresistibly drawn to large cities where he will back up sewers, reverse street signs, and steal everyone's left shoe. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Boss''': ''[to Nani]'' Hey, Nani. Is that your dog? :'''Nani''': Uh... <hr width="50%"/> :''[Lilo, Stitch and Nani arrived home, after Nani "quit" her job by stops Stitch from chews on Pleakley's head]'' :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Did you lose your job because of me and Stitch? :'''Nani Pelekai''': Nah. The manager's a vampire and he wanted me to join his legion of the undead. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': I knew it. ''[they enter the house]'' This is a great home. You'll like it a lot. ''[Nani turns on the light]'' See? :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[closes the door]'' Uh, Lilo? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Comfy. ''[Stitch pushes Lilo and tears the pillow]'' Hey! :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[snatches the pillow from Stitch]'' Hey, what is the matter with you?! :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Be careful of the little angel. :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[as Stitch curls himself into a ball rolls into the kitchen]'' It's not an angel, Lilo. I don't even think it's a dog. We just have to take him back. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': He's just cranky because it's his bedtime. :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[off-screen; as Stitch enters the kitchen]'' He's creepy, Lilo. I won't sleep while he's loose in the house. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[off-screen]'' You're loose in the house all the time and I sleep just fine! ''[enters, sees Stitch messing with the blender]'' Hey, what are you doing? Stop that, Stitch! :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[enters]'' '''HEY!''' ''[angrily snatches the blender away and picks up a struggles Stitch]'' Look it, Lilo, he's obviously mutated from something else. We have to take him back! :'''Lilo Pelekai''': He was an orphan and we adopted him! What about o'hana?!'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': He hasn't been here that long. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Neither have I. Dad says o'hana means family. ''[Nani opens the door, then realizes what Lilo said and shuts the door]'' :'''Stitch''': ''[puzzled]'' Huh? :'''Lilo Pelekai:''' O'hana means 'family'. Family means-- :'''Nani Pelekai''': --nobody gets left behind. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Or... :'''Nani Pelekai''': Or forgotten. I know, I know. I hate it when you o'hana against me. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[sticks her tongue, Nani does the same and drops Stitch; she and Stitch then head upstairs to her bedroom]'' Don't worry, you can sleep right next to me. ''[Nani sighs exhaustedly as she lays down on the couch]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[after Stitch builds a model of San Francisco and pretends to be a giant monster]'' No more caffeine for you. ''[As Pleakley gets himself comfortable for the night, Jumba looks at Stitch through binoculars]'' :'''Jumba''': ''[laughs in amusement]'' This little girl is wasting her time. 626 cannot be taught to ignore its destructive programming. Ooh! Push that over. ''[to Pleakley]'' What are you doing? :'''Agent Pleakley''': ''[quickly takes his wig off]'' Nothing! :'''Jumba''': Uh, say, I want to try it on. :'''Agent Pleakley''': ''No!'' :'''Jumba''': ''[angrily snatches his wig]'' Share! Let me try it on! :'''Agent Pleakley''': Hey! Ow! You're just jealous 'cause I'm pretty! ''[notices a mosquito]'' Don't move. (Look.) A mosquito has chosen me as her perch. She's so beautiful. ''[moreness mosquitoes flies in]'' Look, another one. And another one! ''[a whole mosquito swarm flies in, covering him]'' Why, it is a whole flock, and they like me! They're nuzzling my flesh with their noses. Now, they're, um, they're-- ''[in alarm, he realizes the mosquitoes are sucking his blood; the scene cuts to a different shot as he screams painfully, offscreen]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Nani? Nani. :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[wakes up]'' Yeah? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Look. ''[puts Stitch's claw on the record and opens Stitch's mouth to hear Elvis Presley's "[[w:Suspicious Minds|Suspicious Minds]]", repeatedly opens and closes his mouth]'' :'''Elvis Presley''': ''[from Stitch's mouth; singing]'' We can't go on together / With suspicious minds / And we can't build our dreams / On suspicious minds. :''[Nani is surprised and confused about it, but hears a knock on the door, so she rushes out of her bed. She opens it to reveal Cobra Bubbles, and gasps in alarm]'' :'''Cobra Bubbles''': Heard you lost your job. :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[as Stitch comes out with a dictionary]'' Well, uh, actually, I just quit that job because, you know, the hours are just not conducive to the challenges of raising a child. ''[Stitch growls and chucks the book at Cobra's face]'' :'''Cobra Bubbles''': ''[grunts]'' '''''HEY!''''' :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[gasps; picks up Stitch]'' I am so sorry about that. :'''Cobra Bubbles''': What is that thing? ''[Nani drops Stitch]'' :'''Lilo Pelekai''': That's my puppy! :'''Cobra Bubbles''': Really? ''[cracks his neck, to Nani; sternly]'' Thus far, you have been adrift in the sheltered harbor of my patience, but I cannot ignore you being jobless. Do I make myself clear? :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[understanding]'' Perfectly. :'''Cobra Bubbles''': ''[to Lilo]'' And next time I see this dog, I expect it to be a model citizen. Capiche? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[confused]'' Uh, yes? :'''Cobra Bubbles''': ''[to Nani]'' New job. ''[to Lilo; referring to Stitch]'' Model citizen. ''[puts on his sunglasses and the lens comes off]'' Good day. ''[leaves]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Meanwhile, at the shore from miles to Lilo's house]'' :'''Agent Pleakley''': '''''HELP!''''' I don't like the ocean! ''[cut to the waves of the ocean; off-screen]'' '''''AH!''''' Oh, look, a friendly little dolphin. ''[coughs]'' They helped sailors in the war. And, uh-- No, it's a shark! It's a shark, and it ain't friendly! It looks like a dolphin. Tricky fish! Tricky fish! Oh, octopus, come and help me? ''[gets out of the ocean, with small octopus on his face]'' An octo-octopus is worse than a shark! I hate this planet!? ''[Pleakley pulls the octopus out of his face and throws it out, as he starts gasping for air. He lays next to Jumba, who had failed to capture Stitch.]'' :'''Jumba''': Little monster. ''[Pleakley's phone begins to ring, he gets it out, shakes water off and answers it.]'' :'''Agent Pleakley''': Uh, Agent Pleakley here. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': I have lost patience with you both. Have you captured 626 or not? :'''Agent Pleakley''': Um...uh...uh-- :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Consider yourselves fired and prison bound. Your incompetence is nothing short of unspeakable. ''[hangs up]'' :'''Agent Pleakley''': But, uh, mm-- ''[sobs]'' :'''Jumba''': We're fired! Now we do it my way! ''[gets up to find Stitch]'' :'''Agent Pleakley''': Your way? ''[sniffles]'' Oh, uh, wait! :''[cut to alien headquarters]'' :'''Grand Councilwoman''': It seems I have overestimated Jumber and Blinkley. :'''Captain Gantu''': Uh, Jumba and Pleakley. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Whatever. The mission is in jeopardy. This could be your chance to redeem yourself, Captain Gantu. How soon will you be prepared to leave? :'''Captain Gantu''': Immediately. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Stitch wakes up in the jungle, hears a noise. He looks around. Then Jumba enters and laughs, but Stitch gasps.]'' :'''Jumba''': Don't run. Don't make me shoot you. You were expensive. Yes. Yes, that's it. Come quietly. :'''Stitch''': Mm, waiting. :'''Jumba''': For what? ''[notices the Ugly Duckling book]'' :'''Stitch''': Family. :'''Jumba''': Ah. You don't have one. I made you. :'''Stitch''': Oh, maybe I could-- :'''Jumba''': You’re built to destroy. You can never belong. Now come quietly, and we will take you apart. ''[Stitch runs off]'' No, no, no, no, dont, don't run! Don't run! Aye! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Stitch grabs Jumba's plasma gun, but Jumba plugs it with a carrot]'' :'''Jumba''': You shouldn't play with guns. :'''Stitch''': ''[gives it to him]'' Oh, okay. :'''Jumba''': Thank you. ''[hears the gun beeping, realizes it's overloading and throws it back to Stitch]'' Oh, I just remembered; it's your birthday! Happy birthday! :'''Stitch''': ''[throws it to him; grunts]'' Merry Christmas! :'''Jumba''': ''[throws it back]'' It's not Christmas! :'''Stitch''': ''[throws it back]'' Happy Hannukah! :''[As Jumba and Stitch play hot potato with the overloading gun, Pleakley grabs Lilo and runs out of the house]'' :'''Jumba''': ''[in background, overlapped by Lilo]'' It's not Hannukah! :'''Lilo Pelekai''': We're leaving Stitch?! :'''Agent Pleakley''': Trust me, this is not going to end well! :''[Back to Jumba and Stitch]'' :'''Jumba''': One potato! :'''Stitch''': Two potato! :'''Jumba''': Three potato! :'''Stitch''': Four! :'''Jumba''': Five potato! :'''Stitch''': Six potato! :'''Jumba''': Seven potato, more! :'''Stitch''': My... :'''Jumba''': ...mother... :'''Stitch''': ...told... :'''Jumba''': ...me... :'''Stitch''': ...you... :'''Jumba''': ...are... :'''Stitch''': ...it. :'''Jumba''': Ha! I win! :''[The gun explodes, destroying Lilo's house. One of the flying objects from the explosion hits Pleakley, and he screams and flies off-screen]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[After the Pelekai house is destroyed, Nani quickly arrives at the scene while Lilo is explaining to Cobra about everything that happened]'' :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[describing Jumba and Pleakley]'' One of them had a giant eye in the middle of his face. :'''Nani Pelekai''': Oh, Lilo. ''[Cobra puts Lilo in his car and shuts the car door]'' Please, don't do this. :'''Cobra Bubbles''': You know I have no choice. :'''Nani Pelekai''': '''''No!''''' You're ''not'' taking her! I'm the only one who understands her, and if you take that away, she won't stand a chance! :'''Cobra Bubbles''': You're making this harder than it needs to be. :'''Nani Pelekai''': You don't know what you're doing! '''''She needs me!''''' :'''Cobra Bubbles''': ''[angrily points at her destroyed house]'' Is ''this'' what she needs?! It seems clear to me that you need her a lot more than she needs you. ''[Lilo gets out of his car on the other side and flees into the tropical forest]'' Lilo! '''LILO!''' :'''Nani Pelekai''': Lilo! :''[Stitch looks at Lilo's family portrait; Lilo then enters the tropic woods, where Stitch surprises her and hands her the portrait]'' :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[coldly]'' You ruined everything. ''[Stitch hesitantly reveals his true alien form]'' You're one of them? ''[angrily shoves him away; quietly]'' Get out of here, Stitch. ''[She and Stitch then suddenly get captured by Gantu]'' :'''Captain Gantu''': Surprise! ''[laughs evilly]'' And here I thought you'd be difficult to catch. Ho-ho-ho. Silly me. :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[searching for Lilo]'' Lilo? Lilo!! ''[gets passed by Gantu, and she screams in horror; hears Stitch growls and gasps in shock]'' :'''Captain Gantu''': ''[heads to his ship and puts Lilo and Stitch in his traveling glass capsule]'' There you go, all buckled up for the trip. ''[puts his capsule on the back of his ship]'' And look, I even caught you a little snack. ''[gets on his ship and starts his engine]'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[gasps]'' '''''NO, STOP!''''' ''[gets blown down to the ground; Stitch gets himself out of Gantu's capsule. Gantu's ship then takes off to the sky, leaving Stitch falling to the ground; but Lilo is still captured inside]'' Lilo. ''[Stitch gets up, but she smacks him with tree branch; angrily]'' Okay, talk. I know you had something to do with this. Now, where is Lilo? ''[Stitch doesn't answer]'' Talk! I know you can. :'''Stitch''': ''[shakes his head and sighs; annoyed]'' Okay, okay. :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[screams and smacks Stitch with tree branch; Stitch groans]'' Where's...Lilo? :'''Stitch''': ''[sighs]'' Lilo-- ''[gets zapped by plasma cannon blast]'' :'''Jumba''': ''[after he captures Stitch]'' Ha-ha! Now all your washing is up! :'''Agent Pleakley''': ''[shows his ID]'' You're under arrest! Read him his rights. :'''Jumba''': Listen carefully. ''[starts laughing while beating up Stitch]'' :''[Nani gets up and sees Jumba and Pleakley]'' :'''Agent Pleakley''': Hello, Galactic command? Experiment 626 is in custody. We'll wait right here. ''[hangs up; sees Nani walks up to them; whispers to Jumba]'' Don't interact with her. ''[he and Jumba turn around]'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': Where's Lilo? :'''Jumba''': ''[turns around]'' Who? ''[Pleakley angrily slaps him]'' ''What?'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': Lilo. My sister. :'''Jumba''': Uh, sorry. We do not know anyone by this, uh-- :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[stressed out]'' Lilo! She's a little girl, this big! She has black hair and brown eyes, and she hangs around with that '''''THING!''' [points to Stitch]'' :'''Stitch''': Uh-- :'''Jumba''': ''[sighs; solemnly]'' We know her. :'''Nani Pelekai''': Bring her back. :'''Agent Pleakley''': Oh, we can't do that. Uh-uh. That would be a misuse of Galactic resources. :'''Jumba''': See, problem is...we are just here for him. ''[referring to Stitch]'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[sadly]'' So, she's gone? :'''Agent Pleakley''': Look at the bright side. You won't have to yells at anyone anymore. ''[chuckles nervously]'' :''[Nani then sadly kneels to the ground and starts sobbing in despair that she can't get her little sister back]'' :'''Jumba''': Come. ''[Stitch, Jumba and Pleakley turn to leave]'' :'''Stitch''': ''[stops and walks back to Nani]'' ''O'hana.'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': Huh? :'''Jumba''': Hey! ''[snatches Stitch]'' Get away from her. :'''Nani Pelekai''': No! ''[quickly pulls Stitch back from Jumba; to Stitch]'' What did you say? :'''Stitch''': ''"O'hana"'' means family. Family means nobody... :'''Nani Pelekai''': Nobody gets left behind. :'''Stitch''': Or forgotten. Yeah. ''[to Jumba]'' Hey! ''[speaks alien language]'' :'''Jumba''': '''''WHAT?!''''' ''[angrily grabs Stitch]'' After all you put me through, you expect me to help you just like that?! '''''JUST LIKE THAT?!''''' :'''Stitch''': ''[nods]'' ''Ih.'' :'''Jumba''': Fine. ''[takes space handcuffs off of him]'' :'''Agent Pleakley''': "Fine"? You're doing what he says? :'''Jumba''': Uh, he's very persuasive. :'''Agent Pleakley''': "Persuasive"?! What exactly are we doing? :'''Jumba''': Rescue. :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[delightfully]'' We're gonna get Lilo? :'''Stitch''': ''[happily]'' ''Ih!'' :''[Later, they're on the motorcycle towards Jumba's ship]'' :'''Agent Pleakley''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, good! I was hoping to add theft, endangerment, and '''''INSANITY''''' to my list of things I did today! :'''Jumba''': Ha! You too?! :''[Stitch laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Don't leave me, okay? :'''Stitch''': ''[worried]'' Okay. Okay. ''[hears truck horn and sees said truck; determined]'' Okay. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Last lines]'' :'''David Kawena''': ''[to Stitch]'' So, you're from outer space, huh? I heard the surfing's choice. :''[Stitch then gets captured by one of the intergalactic guards with the Grand Councilwoman, who showed up]'' :'''Intergalactic Guard''': We have 626. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Take him to my ship. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Leave him alone. :'''Cobra Bubbles''': ''[holds her back, preventing her from interfering]'' Hold on. :'''Captain Gantu''': ''[his latest words; to Police Cruiser got Stitch]'' Grand Councilwoman, let me explain. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Silence! I am retiring you, Captain Gantu. :'''Agent Pleakley''': Actually, credit for the capture goes to-- :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Goes to ''me.'' You'll be lucky if you end up on a Fluff Trog farm after we sort this thing out. :'''Jumba''': Uh, I think I should-- :'''Grand Councilwoman''': ''You!'' You're the cause of all this! If it wasn't for Experiment 626, none of this-- :'''Stitch''': ''[interrupting]'' Stitch. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': What? :'''Stitch''': My name Stitch. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Stitch, then. If it wasn't for Stitch-- ''[realizes what just happened, turns back to Stitch]'' :'''Stitch''': Does Stitch have to go in the ship? :'''Grand Councilwoman''': ''[shocked, hesitant]'' Yes. :'''Stitch''': Can Stitch say goodbye? :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Yes. :'''Stitch''': Thank you. ''[walks over to Nani and Lilo]'' :'''Grand Councilwoman''': ''[looks at Nani and Lilo]'' Who are you? :'''Stitch''': This is my family. I found it all on my own. It's little and broken, but still good. Yeah. Still good. ''[walks back to board the ship]'' :'''Agent Pleakley''': Does he really have to go? :'''Grand Councilwoman''': ''[sighs deeply]'' You know as well as I that our laws are absolute. I cannot change what the Council has decided. :'''Cobra Bubbles''': ''[whispers]'' Lilo, didn't you buy that thing at the shelter? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[takes out the adoption form from her pocket, realizing she '''can''' change the Grand Councilwoman's mind, and runs up her]'' Hey! ''[Grand Councilwoman looks down at her]'' Three days ago, I bought Stitch at the shelter. I paid $2 for him. See this stamp? I own him. ''[Grand Councilwoman takes the adoption form]'' If you take him, you're stealing. :''[Grand Councilwoman smiles with a change of heart, realizing that Lilo's right]'' :'''Cobra Bubbles''': Aliens are all about rules. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': You look familiar. :'''Cobra Bubbles''': CIA. Roswell. 1973. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': ''[remembers]'' Ah, yes. You had hair then. Take note of this. This creature has been sentenced to life in exile, ''[takes space handcuffs off of Stitch]'' a sentence that shall be henceforth served out here...on Earth. And as caretaker of the alien life-form, Stitch, this family is now under the official protection of the United Galactic Federation. We'll be checking in, now and then. :'''Cobra Bubbles''': I was afraid you were going to say that. This won't be easy to explain back at headquarters. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': I know what you mean. ''[to her intergalactic guards]'' Don't let those two get on my ship. ''[leaves]'' :''[Jumba and Pleakley wave bye to her; later, the mothership takes off from Hawaii back to space]'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[to Cobra]'' CIA? :'''Cobra Bubbles''': Former. Saved the planet once. Convinced an alien race that mosquitoes were an endangered species. Now, about your house. ''[Cuts to Stitch playing the ukulele, but stops for a moment]'' :'''Stitch''': Wait. ''[Elvis Presley music playing a song [[w:Burning Love|Burning Love]]]'' :'''Elvis Presley''': ''[singing]'' Lord Almighty, I feel my temperature risin', mmm / Higher, higher, it's burning through to my soul / Girl, girl, girl, girl, you're gonna set me on fire / My brain is flamin', I don't know which way to go, yeah...| Your kisses lift me higher / Like a sweet song of a choir You light my mornin' sky with burning love, mmm...| Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, I feel my temperature risin', mm / Help me, I'm flamin', I must be a 109, mmm / Burnin', burnin', burnin' and nothing can cool me, yeah / I just might turn into smoke, but I feel fine...| 'Cause your kisses lift me higher / Like the sweet song of a choir / And you light my mornin' sky with burning love...| It's comin' closer, the flames are now lickin' my body, mm / Won't you help me? I feel like I'm slippin' away / It's hard to breathe, and my chest is a-heavin', mmm, hmm / Lord, have mercy, I'm burning a hole where I lay, yeah...| Your kisses lift me higher / Like the sweet song of a choir / You light my morning sky with burning love / With burning love, a hunk, a hunk of burning love, ah...| I'm just a hunk, a hunk of burning love, ah / I'm just a hunk, a hunk of burning love, ah, ah / A hunk, a hunk of burning love, ah, ah / A hunk, a hunk of burning love, ah, ah...| A hunk, a hunk of burning love, ah / Just a hunk, a hunk of burning love, ah, ah / A hunk, a hunk of burning love, ah, ah, ah / I'm just a hunk, a hunk of burning love. ''[song fades]'' == A-TEENS lyrics (Can't Help Falling in Love) == :'''A-Teens''': I just can't help falling in love with you...| Wise men say / Only fools rush in / But I can't help falling in love with you...| Shall I stay? / Would it be a sin? / If I can't help falling in love with you...| Like a river flows to the sea / So it goes, some things are meant to be / Some things are meant to be...| Take my hand / Take my whole life too / For I can't help falling in love with you...| Wise men say / Only fools rush in / But I can't, I can't help falling in love with you...| Like a river flows to the sea / So it goes, some things are meant to be / Some things are meant to be...| Take my hand / Take my whole life too / For I can't help falling in love with you...| Take my hand / Take my whole life too / For I can't help falling in love with you / For I can't help falling in love / Falling in love with you...| Like a river flows, that's the way it works / I just can't help falling in love with you...| Like a river flows, that's the way it goes / I just can't help falling / Falling in love with you...| Like a river flows, that's the way it works / I just can't help falling in love with you...| Like a river flows, that's the way it goes / I just can't help falling / Falling in love with you...|''[chorus singing]'' == Others == :GALACTIC FEDERATION HEADQUARTERS PLANET TURO ''[text displayed at the beginning of the movie]'' :PRISON TRANSPORT DURGON ''[text displayed at the beginning of the movie]'' == Taglines == *There's one in every family. *His name is Stitch. And he's coming to our galaxy next summer. *Meet Stitch. This Summer, He's Coming to OUR Planet. *He's coming to our galaxy. *On June 21, The tradition is under attack. *May the Stitch be with you. ==Cast== * [[w:Daveigh Chase|Daveigh Chase]] — Lilo Pelekai * [[w:Chris Sanders|Christopher Michael Sanders]] — [[w:Stitch (Lilo & Stitch)|Stitch]] * [[w:Tia Carrere|Tia Carrere]] — Nani Pelekai * [[w:David Ogden Stiers|David Ogden Stiers]] — Dr. Jumba Jookiba * [[w:Kevin McDonald|Kevin McDonald]] — Agent Wendy Pleakley * [[w:Ving Rhames|Ving Rhames]] — Cobra Bubbles * [[w:Kevin Michael Richardson|Kevin Michael Richardson]] — Captain Gantu * [[w:Zoe Caldwell|Zoe Caldwell]] — The Grand Councilwoman * [[w:Jason Scott Lee|Jason Scott Lee]] — David Kawena * [[w:Amy Hill|Amy Hill]] — Lynne Hasagawa * Miranda Paige Walls — Mildred Pearl "Mertle" Edmonds ==See also== * ''[[Disney's Stitch: Experiment 626]]'', a 2002 prequel video game * ''[[Lilo & Stitch: The Series]]'', a sequel TV series that aired from 2003 to 2006 ** ''[[Stitch! The Movie]]'', the 2003 direct-to-video film pilot to the above series, the first released sequel in the franchise and the second sequel chronologically ** ''[[Leroy & Stitch]]'', the 2006 TV film finale to the above series and the third and finale sequel film to this film * ''[[Lilo & Stitch 2: Stitch Has a Glitch]]'', a 2005 direct-to-video sequel film to this film, the second released sequel in the franchise and the first sequel chronologically * ''[[Lilo & Stitch (2025 film)|Lilo & Stitch]]'', a live-action remake of this film directed by Dean Fleischer Camp. * ''[[How to Train Your Dragon (film)|How to Train Your Dragon]]'', a 2010 DreamWorks Animation film also written and directed by Chris Sanders and Dean DeBlois * ''[[The Croods]]'', a 2013 DreamWorks Animation film also written and directed by Chris Sanders * ''[[The Call of the Wild (2020 film)|The Call of the Wild]]'', a 2020 20th Century Studios film also directed by Chris Sanders * ''[[The Wild Robot]]'', a 2024 DreamWorks Animation film also written and directed by Chris Sanders * ''[[How to Train Your Dragon (2025 film)|How to Train Your Dragon]]'', a 2025 live-action remake also written and directed by Dean DeBlois * ''[[w:Shrek 5|Shrek 5]]'' a 2026 DreamWorks Animation film also supervising executive Chris Sanders ==External Links== {{wikipedia}} {{commons}} * {{imdb title|0275847}} {{Lilo & Stitch}} {{Disney}} {{Walt Disney Animation Studios}} [[Category:2002 films]] [[Category:2002 animated films]] [[Category:2002 American animated films]] [[Category:Traditionally animated films]] [[Category:American films]] [[Category:American children's animated comic science fiction films]] [[Category:Animated buddy films]] [[Category:Lilo & Stitch]] [[Category:Films about children]] [[Category:Films about dysfunctional families]] [[Category:Animated films about sisters]] [[Category:Films set on islands]] [[Category:Films set in Hawaii]] [[Category:Films directed by Chris Sanders]] [[Category:Animated films about extraterrestrial life]] [[Category:The Walt Disney Company]] [[Category:2000s English-language films]] [[Category:Impact of the September 11 attacks on cinema]] 6iahpfjbtjjjc8wb6k5cgug94w7z3r3 3778827 3778825 2025-07-14T19:57:03Z 2600:1004:B0AB:49BD:DC4D:D333:6094:3C75 /* Mr. Kawena */ 3778827 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Anime North 2017 Disney Lilo and Stitch IMG 5003.jpg|thumb|Ohana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.]] {{italic title}}'''''[[w:Lilo & Stitch|Lilo & Stitch]]''''' is a [[w:2002 in film|2002]] American-Hawaiian [[w: Animated film|animated]] [[w:Science fiction comedy|science fiction]] [[w:Comedy-drama|comedy-drama]] film produced by [[w:Walt Disney Animation Studios|Walt Disney Feature Animation]] and released by [[w:Walt Disney Pictures|Walt Disney Pictures]] on June 21, 2002, about a Hawaiian girl who adopts an unusual pet who is actually a notorious extraterrestrial fugitive from the law. The direct to video sequels were released in 2003 with ''[[Stitch! The Movie]]'', 2005 with ''[[Lilo & Stitch 2: Stitch Has a Glitch]]'' and 2006 with ''[[Leroy & Stitch]]'', while the animated [[Lilo & Stitch: The Series|spinoff series of the same title]] aired on [[w:American Broadcasting Company|ABC]] and [[w:Disney Channel|Disney Channel]] from September 20, 2003 to July 29, 2006. The [[Lilo & Stitch (2025 film)|live-action remake of the same name]] was released on May 23, 2025. :''Written and directed by [[w:Chris Sanders (director)|Chris Sanders]] and [[w:Dean DeBlois|Dean DeBlois]].'' :''Based on an original story by [[w:Chris Sanders (director)|Chris Sanders]].'' :''Music by [[w:Alan Silvestri|Alan Silvestri]]'' and includes "Can't Help Falling in Love". Written by [[w:Luigi Creatore|Luigi Creatore]], [[w:Hugo Peretti|Hugo Peretti]], and [[w:George David Weiss|George David Weiss]] and performed by [[w:A-Teens|A-Teens]]. '''Note:''' The number of Stitch's original name (Experiment 626) is pronounced by-digit as "Six-Two-Six".<br>'''Tagline:''' His name... is Stitch. And he's coming to our galaxy next summer. ([[Lilo & Stitch#Taglines|taglines]]) == Lilo Pelekai == * Every Thursday, I make Pudge the Fish a peanut butter sandwich. * Leave me alone to die. * ''[meeting Cobra Bubbles; suspicious]'' You don't look like a social worker. * Yeah. She disciplines me real good. Sometimes five times a day... with bricks. * I'm already in my room!!? * We're a broken family, aren't we? * Not better than him. He can talk. Say "hello". * It's nice to live on an island with no large cities. ''[Stitch starts throws a tantrum]'' Are you okay? * Elvis Presley was a model citizen. I've compiled a list of his traits for you to practice. Number one is dancing. ''[takes out a hula skirt]'' * ''[as Stitch lifts her pillow, revealing the photo of her and Nani's deceased parents]'' That's us before. It was rainy and they went for a drive. What happened to yours? I hear you cry at night. Do you dream about them? I know that's why you wreck things and push me. Our family's little now and we don't have many toys. But if you want, you could be part of it. You could be our baby, and we'd raise you to be good. ''"O'hana"'' means family. Family means nobody gets left behind. But if you want to leave, you can. I'll remember you, though. I remember everyone that leaves. == Nani Pelekai == * Why didn't you wait at school? You were supposed to wait there! Lilo! Do you not understand? Do you want to be taken away? Answer me! * At least a rabbit would behave better than you! * And quieter! * Go to your room!? * Nah. The manager's a vampire. He wanted me to join his legion of the undead. * Oh, that'd be so great! You have no idea how badly I need this job. == Mr. Kawena == Random == Cobra Bubbles == Random == Stitch (626) == Random == Pleakley == Random == Jumba == Random == Others == * '''Alien Guard''': ''[626 attacks the crook]'' Security to bridge. * '''Hotel Manager''': Hello, we might have something. * '''Blonde Lifeguard Woman''': Actually, I do think we have an opening. * '''Computer Voice''': Target 626 is in motion. Speed is 84. == Dialogue == :GALACTIC FEDERATION HEADQUARTERS PLANET TURO ''[text displayed at the beginning of the movie]'' :''[First lines; The movie begins in outer space, deep in the galaxy. Crowds of creatures line the walls in a cavernous blue hall]'' :'''Grand Councilwoman''': ''[stepping into the light]'' Read the charges. :'''Captain Gantu''': ''[his first words]'' Dr. Jumba Jookiba, lead scientist of Galaxy Defense Industries, you stand before this council, accused of illegal genetic experimentation. ''[The experiment inside the machine is brought in]'' :'''Grand Councilwoman''': How do you plead? :'''Jumba''': ''Not'' guilty. My experiments are only theoretical, completely within legal boundaries. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': We believe you actually created something. :'''Jumba''': Created something? Ha! But that would be irresponsible and unethical. I would never, ever... ''[A blue koala/hyena/fossa-like creature with rabbit/bat-like ears with kangaroo/cow/lion-like tail is revealed]'' ...make more than one. ''[He growls and squirms around in the canister, causes the entire alien council to quiver in fear.]'' :'''Captain Gantu''': What is that monstrosity? :'''Jumba''': Monstrosity?! What you see before you is the first of a new species. I call it, "Experiment 626". He is bullet-proof, fire-proof, and can think faster than supercomputer. He can see in the dark and move objects 3,000 times his size. His only instinct: to destroy everything he touches! ''[laughs crazily]'' :'''Grand Councilwoman''': So, it is a monster? :'''Jumba''': Ah, just a little one. :'''Captain Gantu''': It is an affront to nature. It must be DESTROYED. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Calm yourself, Captain Gantu. Perhaps it can be reasoned with. Experiment 626, give us some sign you understand any of this. Show us that there is something inside you that is good. :'''626''': ''[clears throat]'' Meega nala kweesta! ''[The Grand Councilwoman and the whole alien council gasps in shocked.]'' :'''Grand Councilwoman''': So NAUGHTY. :''[626 cackles wildly]'' :'''Jumba''': I didn't teach him that! :'''Captain Gantu''': Place that idiot scientist under arrest! :'''Jumba''': ''[gets sealed up]'' I'd preferred to be called "evil genius!" ''[gets taken away and thrown into the prison cell blocks]'' :'''Grand Councilwoman''': And as for that abomination, ''[626 licks up the canister]'' it is the flawed product of a deranged mind. It has no place among us. Captain Gantu, take him away. :'''Captain Gantu''': With pleasure. ''[cracks his knuckles]'' <hr width="50%"/> :PRISON TRANSPORT DURGON ''[text displayed at the beginning of the movie]'' :'''Captain Gantu''': ''[626 growls at the spaceship]'' Uncomfortable? Oh, good! The council has banished you to exile on a desert asteroid. ''[smiles tauntingly]'' So, relax, enjoy the trip and don't get any ideas. These guns are locked onto your genetic signature. They won't shoot anyone but you. ''[points at 626 on the forehead. 626 lashes out and bites Gantu's finger]'' Ow! ''[gets his gun out]'' Why, you... :'''Hammerhead Guard''': May I remind the captain that he is on duty. :'''Captain Gantu''': Secure the cell! :'''Hammerhead Guard''': Aye, Captain. :''[Captain Gantu walks away]'' :'''Computer''': Captain on deck. :'''Captain Gantu''': All ahead full. Do... Does this, uh, look infected to you? :''[The spaceship flies off. 626 looks at the guns whirring and gurgling]'' :'''Hammerhead Guard''': Oh! Quiet, you. :''[626 growls and spits his spit at something and the guns fire]'' :'''First Officer Ombit''': Gunfire in the cell bay! :'''Captain Gantu''': Open a channel. What's going on down there? Lieutenant, respond! :''[626 growls and spits his spit at the hammerhead guard and the guns fire]'' :'''First Officer Ombit''': He's loose on Deck C! :'''Captain Gantu''': Red alert. Seal off the deck! ''[626 attacking and the guns fire]'' Security, converge on door seven! Deadly force authorized. Fire on sight! I repeat: Fire on sight! :'''Security Guard''': There he is! :'''Alien Guard''': ''[626 attacks the crook]'' Security to bridge. :'''Intercom''': It's in the ventilation system. :'''Captain Gantu''': ''[guns fire getting crook]'' He's headed for the power... ''[turns his off]'' grid. ''[loud thud and whooshing]'' What was that? :'''Ensign Getco''': I don't think he's on the ship anymore. :'''First Officer Ombit''': Confirmed. He's taken a police cruiser. :'''Ensign Getco''': ''[alarm beeping]'' Yeah, he took the red one. :'''626''': ''[horn honking]'' Yee-haw! ''[rocket flies off]'' Hmm? :'''Autopilot''': That's it! We got it. We got it! :'''Computer''': ''[626 shouting and laughing]'' Hyperdrive activated. System charging. :'''First Officer Ombit''': He's engaged his H-drive! :'''Computer''': Warning, guidance is not functional. :'''Captain Gantu''': Pursuit Commander, that crazy trog is about to make a jump! :'''Autopilot''': Break formation! Get clear of that ship! :'''Computer''': Navigation failure. Do not engage hyper... :''[626 escapes in a red police cruiser and reaches hyperspace]'' :'''Captain Gantu''': ''[sighs]'' Get me Galactic Control. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': ''[storms in the base]'' '''''WHERE IS HE?!''''' :'''Alien #1''': He's still in hyperspace. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Where will he exit? :'''Alien #2''': Calculating now. Quadrant 17, section 005, area 51. A planet called...E-arth. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': I want an expert on this planet in here now! ''[Monitor shows 626's police cruiser heading towards planet Earth]'' What is that? :'''Alien #3''': Water. Most of the planet is covered in it. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': He won't survive in water. His molecular density is too great. ''[other aliens watch as 626's police cruiser moves closer]'' No. ''[monitor shows that Experiment 626's police cruiser will eventually land on the Hawaiian Island of Kauai]'' Of course. How much time do we have? :'''Alien #2''': We have projected his landing at three hours, 42 minutes. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Oh, we have to gas the planet. :'''Agent Pleakley''': Hold it! Hold everything! Earth is a protected wildlife reserve. Yeah, we've been using it to rebuild the mosquito population which, need I remind you, is an endangered species! :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Am I to assume you are the expert? :'''Agent Pleakley''': ''[laughing modestly]'' Oh, I don't know about expert. ''[clears throat]'' Agent Pleakley at your service. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Can we not simply destroy the island? :'''Agent Pleakley''': No! Crazyhead! The mosquito's food of choice, primitive humanoid life forms, have colonies all over that planet. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Are they intelligent? :'''Agent Pleakley''': No, but they're very delicate. In fact, every time an asteroid strikes their planet they have to begin life all over. ''[sighs]'' It's fascinating, isn't it? With this, I've been able to study... :'''Grand Councilwoman''': What if our military forces just landed there? :'''Agent Pleakley''': Well, that'd be a bad idea! These are extremely simple creatures, miss. Landing there would create mass mayhem and planet-wide panic! :'''Grand Councilwoman''': A quiet capture would require an understanding of 6-2-6 that we do not possess! Who, then, Mr. Pleakley, would you send for his extraction? :'''Agent Pleakley''': Does he have a brother? Close grandmother, perhaps? ''[angry shouting, then insane jabbering]'' Friendly cousin? Neighbor with a beard? :''[In Jumba's cell after Experiment 626 escaped. Jumba is enraged while reading the newspaper, and tears it to shreds the newspapers while Jumba growls, just as the Grand Councilwoman and Pleakley enter]'' :'''Jumba''': ''[stops eating and chuckles]'' He got away? :'''Grand Councilwoman''': I'm sure this comes as no surprise to you. :'''Jumba''': I designed this creature for it to be unstoppable. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Which is precisely why ''you'' must now bring him back. :'''Jumba''': What, me? :'''Grand Councilwoman''': And to reward you, we are willing to trade your freedom for his capture. :'''Jumba''': ''[sighs]'' 626 will not come easily. Maybe direct hit from plasma cannon might stun him long enough to-- :'''Grand Councilwoman''': ''[interrupting, exasperated]'' Plasma cannon granted. Do we have a bargain, Dr. Jumba? ''[Jumba grunts in agreement]'' :'''Agent Pleakley''': B-B-But it's a delicate planet! ''[in a sing-song voice]'' Who's going to control him? :'''Grand Councilwoman''': You will. ''[leaves]'' :'''Agent Pleakley''': Very good, Your Highness. I-I didn't quite-- ''[realizes; scared]'' Uh, you're not joking!? :'''Jumba''': ''[to Pleakley]'' So, tell me, my little one-eyed one. On what poor, pitiful, defenseless planet has my "monstrosity" been unleashed? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chorus''': Mahalo nui 'ia ke Ali'i wahine / 'O Lili'ulani 'O ka Wohi kū / Ka pipi'o mai o ke ānuenue / Nā waiho'olu'u a hālike 'ole / E nānā nā maka i ke ao malama / Mai Hawai'i ākea i Kaua'i...| 'O Kalākaua he inoa / 'O Ka pua mae'ole i ka lā / Ka pua maila i ka mauna / I ke kuahiwi 'o Mauna Kea / Ke 'ā maila i Kīlauea / Mālamalama i Wahinekapu / A ka luna o Uwēkahuna / I ka pali kapu o Ka'auea...| Ea mai ke ali'i kia manu / Ua wehi i ka hulu o ka mamo / Ka pua nani a'o Hawai'i / 'O Kalākaua he inoa...| 'O Kalākaua he inoa / 'O Ka pua mae'ole i ka lā / Ka pua maila i ka mauna / I ke kuahiwi 'o Mauna Kea / Ke 'ā maila i Kīlauea. :'''Moses Puloki''': One, two, three, four... :'''Chorus''': Mālamalama i Wahinekapu / A ka luna o Uwēkahuna / I ka pali kapu o Ka'auea...| Mahalo nui 'ia ke Ali'i wahine / 'O Lili'ulani 'O ka Wohi kū...| Ea mai ke ali'i kia manu / Ua wehi i ka hulu o ka mamo / Ka pua nani a'o Hawai'i / 'O Kalākaua he inoa...| He Inoa No Kalani Kalākaua Kulele. ''[song fades]'' :'''Kids''': Whoa! Whoa! ''[Lilo, Mertle, Elena, Teresa, and Yuki slip in the puddles, one by one]'' :'''Moses Puloki''': Stop, stop. Lilo, why are you all wet? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': It's sandwich day. ''[Moses looks confused; sighs and confesses]'' Every Thursday, I make Pudge the Fish a peanut butter sandwich. :'''Moses Puloki''': ''[still confused]'' Pudge is a fish? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[continues]'' And today we were out of peanut butter! So, I asked my sister what to give him, and she said a [[w:tuna|tuna]] sandwich! I can't give Pudge tuna! ''[whispers]'' Do you know what tuna is? :'''Moses Puloki''': ''[hesitantly]'' Fish? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': '''''IT'S FISH!!!!!!''''' If I gave Pudge tuna, I'd be an abomination! I'm late, because I had to go to the store, and get peanut butter, 'cause all we have is, ''IS STINKIN' TUNA!!''''' :'''Moses Puloki''': Lilo, Lilo. Why is this so important? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[calmly]'' Pudge controls the weather. ''[Everyone exchanges surprised looks at each other]'' :'''Mertle Edmonds''': You're crazy. ''[Lilo angrily jumps on her and punches and wrecks her, having to have heard that, then the other girls run away screaming]'' :'''Moses Puloki''': ''[worried]'' No! Please! Please! ''[picks Lilo up]'' Everybody calm down! ''[puts her down; Mertle cries]'' Girls. ''[in Hawaiian]'' It's okay, don't cry, Mertle. ''[in English; calmly]'' Shh. ''[to Lilo; sternly]'' Lilo-- :'''Lilo Pelekai''': I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I won't do it again?! :'''Moses Puloki''': Maybe we should call your sister. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[worried]'' No! I'll be good! I want to dance. I practiced. I just want to dance. I practiced. :'''Mertle Edmonds''': ''[notices invisible bite mark on her arm]'' Ew, she bit me. :'''Elena, Teresa, and Yuki''': Ew! :''[Fade outside the hula school where Lilo is sitting on the porch and Mertle and her friends leaves]'' :'''Moses Puloki''': ''[crouches down to Lilo's height]'' I called your sister. She said to wait for her here on the porch. We'll try again on Sunday. ''[gets up and heads back inside]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Nani heads back to the Pelekai house and finds the front door locked]'' :'''Elvis Presley''': ''[singing]'' Well, I found a new place to dwell... :'''Nani Pelekai''': Oh, Lilo. Lilo! Open the door, Lilo! :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[from inside]'' Go away. :'''Elvis Presley''': ''[singing]'' You'll be so lonely, baby... :'''Nani Pelekai''': Lilo, we don't have time for this. :'''Elvis Presley''': ''[singing]'' Well, you will be lonely... :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Leave me alone to die. :'''Nani Pelekai''': Come on, Lilo, the social worker's gonna be here any minute. :'''Elvis Presley''': ''[singing]'' You still can find some room / For brokenhearted lovers / To cry there in their gloom...| They'll be so lonely / They're so lonely, they could die...| Now, the bellhop's tears keep flowin'. :'''Nani Pelekai''': You are so finished when I get in there! Oh, I'm going to stuff you in the blender, push purée, then bake you into a pie and feed it to the social worker! And when he says, This is great. What's your secret? I'm going to say, love and nurturing. Hi. You must be the... :'''Cobra Bubbles''': The stupid head. :'''Nani Pelekai''': You know, I'm really sorry about that, and if I'd known who you were, of course I never would've... I can pay for that. :'''Cobra Bubbles''': It's a rental, are you the guardian in question? :'''Nani Pelekai''': Yes! I'm Nani. Nice to meet you, Mister... :'''Cobra Bubbles''': Bubbles. :'''Nani Pelekai''': Mr. Bubbles, that's a strange... :'''Cobra Bubbles''': Yes, I know. Are you going to invite me in, Nani? :'''Nani Pelekai''': I thought we could sit out here and talk. :'''Cobra Bubbles''': I don't think so. :'''Nani Pelekai''': Right. :'''Elvis Presley''': ''[singing]'' Although it's always crowded... :'''Nani Pelekai''': This way. :'''Elvis Presley''': ''[singing]'' You still can find some room / For brokenhearted lovers / To cry away their gloom / Where they get so, they get so lonely, baby... :'''Nani Pelekai''': Uh, wait here. :''[Nani walks to the front door at Cobra]'' :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[Off-screen]'' Hey! :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[opens the door]'' So, lemonade? :'''Cobra Bubbles''': Do you often leave your sister home alone? :'''Nani Pelekai''': No, never. Oh, well, except for just now. I had to run to the store to get some... Oh! :'''Cobra Bubbles''': You left the stove on while you were out? :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[closes the pan]'' Low heat! Just a simmer. Mmm! It's coming along great. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[to Nani]'' I found that this morning. :'''Nani Pelekai''': Lilo, there you are. Honey face, this is Mr. Bubbles. :'''Cobra Bubbles''': ''[lowers his hand for Lilo to shake]'' Nice to meet you. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[tilts her head, reading something on his knuckles]'' Your knuckles say "Cobra." ''[Cobra withdraws his hand, cracking his knuckles, and kneels down to her height]'' "Cobra Bubbles." You don't look like a social worker. :'''Cobra Bubbles''': I'm a special classification. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Did you ever kill anyone? :'''Cobra Bubbles''': We're getting off the subject. Let's talk about you. Are you... happy? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[opens her mouth with a fake smile, then talks in response to her sister's pantomiming behind him]'' I'm adjusted. I eat four food groups and look both ways before crossing the street, and take long naps, ''[Nani holds up her fist in triumphant]'' and get disciplined. ''[Nani cringes at her fist in a sign of what is supposed to say "Doing well"]'' :'''Cobra Bubbles''': Disciplined? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Yeah. She disciplines me real good. Sometimes five times a day... with bricks. :'''Cobra Bubbles''': Bricks? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Uh-huh, in a pillowcase. :'''Nani Pelekai''': Okay, that's enough sugar for you. Why don't you run along, you little cutie? The other social workers just thought she was a scream. Thirsty? :'''Cobra Bubbles''': ''[Nani opens the fridge door]'' Let me illuminate to you the precarious situation in which you have found yourself. I am the one they call when things go wrong, and things have indeed gone wrong. :''[Cobra confused. The camera moves with Lilo putting his spoons in a pickle-juice glass and closes the lid, then the shaking his pickle-juice glass]'' :'''Lilo Pelekai''': My friends need to be punished. :''[Nani groans]'' :'''Cobra Bubbles''': Call me next time you're left here alone. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Yep. :'''Cobra Bubbles''': ''[To Nani]'' In case you're wonderin', this did not go well. ''[effortlessly pulls the door open hard, lets the nails clatters]'' You have three days to change my mind. :''[Cobra closes the door and leaves while Nani quickly turns to Lilo with an angrily look; Lilo screams in horror repeatedly, and then starts runs as chases after her; tackles in the kitchen and she licks her arm]'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[disgustedly]'' '''''EW!!!''''' ''[angrily]'' '''''LILO!''''' ''[runs then stops and points to the laundry room and goes into said room. She sets a blanket on the floor, climbs on top of the dryer, and opens the door and slams it shut with her boot. Lilo quietly comes out before getting caught and is brought back to the hallway in the blanket while snarling like a tiger, then hisses like a cat; angrily grabs Lilo's arm tightly]'' Why didn't you wait at the school?! You were supposed to wait '''''there!''''' Lilo! Do you not understand? Do you ''want'' to be taken away? ''[Lilo doesn't reply back as her eyes tear up]'' Answer me! :'''Lilo Pelekai''': No! :'''Nani Pelekai''': No, you don't understand?! :'''Lilo Pelekai''': No! :'''Nani Pelekai''': No, ''what?!'' :'''Lilo Pelekai''': '''''NOOOOO!!''''' ''[Hits the floor; grumbles noises]'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[annoyed]'' Ugh! You're such a pain. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': So, why don't you sell me and buy a rabbit instead?! ''[starts walking upstairs to her bedroom]'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': At least the rabbit will behave better than you! :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Go ahead, then you'll be happy, because it will be smarter than me, too! :'''Nani Pelekai''': AND QUIETER!? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': You'll like it, because it's '''''stinky like YOU!''' [enters her bedroom and slams the door]'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[angrily] '''GO TO YOUR ROOM!!!!!!''''' :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[opens the door; angrily] '''I'M ALREADY IN MY ROOM!!''''' :''[Lilo slams the door again, Nani walks into to the living room, grabs a pillow off the couch and angrily screams in it, while Lilo is in her room doing the same with off-screen dog barks]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Later that night, Lilo is playing with Scrump in bed. Nani comes in with a plate of pizza.]'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[comes in]'' Hey, I brought you some pizza, in case you were hungry. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[sadly]'' We're a broken family, aren't we? :'''Nani Pelekai''': No. ''[places pizza slice on Lilo's nightstand]'' Maybe a little. Maybe a lot. I shouldn't have yelled at you. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': We're sisters, it's our job. :'''Nani Pelekai''': Yeah, well, from now on-- :'''Lilo Pelekai''': I like you better as a sister than a mom. :'''Nani Pelekai''': Yeah? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[voice breaking]'' And you like me better as a sister than a rabbit, right? ''[sniffles]'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[picks up Lilo and gets on her bed; calmly]'' Oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Yes. Yes, I do. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[sniffles]'' I hit Mertle Edmonds today. :'''Nani Pelekai''': You hit her? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Before I bit her. :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[shocked]'' You bit her? Lilo, you shouldn't-- :'''Lilo Pelekai''': People treat me different. :'''Nani Pelekai''': They just don't know what to say. I'll tell you what. If you promise not to fight anymore, I promise not to yell at you, except on special occasions. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Tuesdays and bank holidays would be good. :'''Nani Pelekai''': Yeah? Would that be good? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[giggles and notices the camera]'' Oh, my camera's full again. ''[whispers]'' {{small|Aren't they beautiful?}} ''[they look at the pictures Lilo took. The lamp suddenly turns off, and they both head for the window to see a flaming police cruiser falling from the sky.]'' A fallin' star! ''[the space police cruiser crashes with an explosions]'' I call it! Get out! ''[the lamp turns back on]'' Get out! I have to make a witch! ''[tries to push Nani out of her room]'' Can't you go any faster?! :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[dizzy; leans back]'' Oh, no! Gravity is increasing on me! :'''Lilo Pelekai''': No, it's not!! :'''Nani Pelekai''': It's too, Lilo, the same thing happened yesterday. ''[faints on top of Lilo]'' :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[angrily]'' '''''YOU ROTTEN SISTER, YOUR BUTT IS CRUSHIN' ME!! WHY DO YOU ACT SO WEIRD?!''''' ''[furiously slams the door with the sign: "Kapu" on Nani's head; Nani peeks in to hear her wish]'' It's me again. I need someone to be my friend, someone who won't run away. Maybe send me an angel. The nicest angel you have. <hr width="50%"/> :''[After 626 is hit by a truck, the three guys get out of each to see what happened]'' :'''Driver #1''': What we when hit?! ''[he and the other men turn on their flashlights and investigate under the truck to see 626]'' There it is. It stay jammed under the fender. ''[626 passes out with his arm danglin', the drivers gasped]'' :'''Driver #2''': We better call somebody. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Nani and Lilo are at an animal shelter to adopt a pet dog]'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[to shelter worker]'' We're looking for something that can defend itself. Something that won't die, something...sturdy, you know? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Like a lobster. :'''Nani Pelekai''': Lilo, you ''lolo.'' Do we have a lobster door? No, we have a dog door. We are getting a dog. ''[626 sneaks out of the shelter, and avoids getting hit from plasma cannon]'' :'''Jumba''': ''[off-screen]'' Ah-ha! So nice to see your pretty face again! :'''626''': Jumba? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Hi. :'''626''': Hoo, ha...Hi. ''[hugs her tightly]'' :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[amazed]'' Wow! ''[Later in the lobby]'' :'''Rescue Lady''': Oh, yes. Mmm-hmm. ''[Lilo comes back with 626]'' All of our dogs are adoptable. ''[sees 626; alarmed]'' '''''EXCEPT THAT ONE!''''' ''[runs and takes 626 away from Lilo]'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[pulls Lilo away from 626]'' What is that thing?! :'''Rescue Lady''': A dog, I think. But it was dead this morning! :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[confused]'' It was ''dead'' this morning? :'''Rescue Lady''': We thought it was dead; it was hit by a truck! :'''Lilo Pelekai''': I like him! Come here, boy! :''[626 forcefully, against the rescue lady's grip, walks himself forward to get to Lilo as she calls him to her, climbing up onto Nani and Lilo's laps]'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[screams and pushes 626 away from her and Lilo; composes herself]'' Wouldn't you like a different dog? :'''Rescue Lady''': ''[a bit breathless]'' We have better dogs, dear. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Not better than him. He can talk. Say "hello". :'''626''': He-Hel-- :'''Rescue Lady''': Dogs can't talk, dear. ''[626 narrows his eyes and bares his teeth in frustration]'' :'''Lilo Pelekai''': He did. :'''Nani Pelekai''': Does it have to be this dog? ''[626 pants a few times before rolling his tongue out, sticking it up his nose and putting it back in his mouth, smacking his lips]'' :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Yes. He's good. I can tell. ''[Later]'' :'''Rescue Lady''': ''[filling out paperwork at the front desk]'' You'll have to think of a name for him. :''[standing on a chair, 626 looks out the window]'' :'''Lilo Pelekai''': His name is Stitch. ''[626, now known as Stitch, looks at Lilo]'' :'''Rescue Lady''': Now, that's not a real name... ''[Nani shakes her head quickly and waves her hand as if to say "No! Don't say that!"]'' ...in...Iceland. But here, it's a good name. Stitch, it is. And there's a $2 license fee. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': I want to buy him! ''[whispers]'' {{small|Can I borrow $2?}} :''[With a semi-irritated look, Nani takes the money from the rescue lady and hands it to Lilo. Lilo then taps the money on her shoulder and hands it back to her, handing it to the shelter worker]'' :'''Rescue Lady''': ''[stamps the adoption papers and hands the paper to Lilo with a friendly smile]'' He's all yours. :'''Jumba''': ''[looks at Stitch through his scope]'' You're all mine. :'''Agent Pleakley''': Well, what's he doing? :'''Jumba''': ''Shh!'' Keep quiet. He's listening for us. :'''Agent Pleakley''': ''[whispering]'' How good is his hearing? ''[Stitch turns his head]'' I mean, can he-- ''[Jumba angrily chokes him, Stitch opens the door and gets us outs]'' :'''Jumba''': ''[turns on the red laser pointer at Stitch]'' Why don't you run? ''[slowly squeezes plasma cannon's trigger]'' :'''Stitch''': Bark! Bark! Bark! :'''Lilo Pelekai''': I'm coming, I'm coming! ''[hugs Stitch]'' :'''Agent Pleakley''': ''[pushes Jumba's plasma gun away just as it fires]'' '''''STOP!''''' I have just determined the situation to be far too hazardous! :'''Jumba''': ''[pushes Pleakley out of his way]'' Don't worry, I won't hit her. :'''Agent Pleakley''': ''[plugs plasma cannon with his fingers]'' '''''NO!''''' That girl is part of the mosquito food chain. ''[hands Jumba his View-Master]'' Here, educate yourself. :'''Jumba''': ''[incensed]'' Using that little girl for a shield. ''[angrily]'' [[The Lion King 1½|'''''THIS IS LOW, EVEN FOR YOU!?''''']] :'''Sitich''': Woo-hoo! :'''Jumba''': Augh! ''[Pushes Pleakley out of his way again]'' Tear him apart with all both my hands! :'''Agent Pleakley''': ''[to Jumba]'' Have you lost your mind?! :'''Lilo Pelekai''': What is it, Stitch? :'''Agent Pleakley''': We cannot be seen! :'''Rescue Lady''': Bad dog, barking at nothing! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[sees Mertle, Teresa, and Yuki on their tricycles]'' My friends! ''[They scream and try to make a run for it, but Lilo approaches them]'' :'''Mertle Edmonds''': ''[annoyed]'' What do you want? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': I'm sorry I bit you, and pulled your hair, and punched you in the face. :'''Mertle''': Apology ''not'' accepted. Now get out of my way before I run you over. ''[screams as she sees Stitch crawls towards her]'' :'''Lilo Pelekai''': (Oh, look, Mertle), I got a new dog. His name is Stitch. :'''Mertle Edmonds''': ''That'' is the ugliest thing I have ever saw. :'''Teresa & Yuki''': ''[simultaneously] Yeaaaaaaah.'' :'''Mertle Edmonds''': Ew! Get it away from me! ''[Stitch gasps as he sees a disguised Jumba and Pleakley]'' I'm gonna get a disease! ''[shrieks as Stitch shoves her off her strike, and she wails as Lilo and Stitch escapes]'' Somebody, do something!? :'''Agent Pleakley''': Oh, great! He's loose! :'''Jumba''': His destructive programming is taking effect. He will be irresistibly drawn to large cities where he will back up sewers, reverse street signs, and steal everyone's left shoe. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Boss''': ''[to Nani]'' Hey, Nani. Is that your dog? :'''Nani''': Uh... <hr width="50%"/> :''[Lilo, Stitch and Nani arrived home, after Nani "quit" her job by stops Stitch from chews on Pleakley's head]'' :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Did you lose your job because of me and Stitch? :'''Nani Pelekai''': Nah. The manager's a vampire and he wanted me to join his legion of the undead. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': I knew it. ''[they enter the house]'' This is a great home. You'll like it a lot. ''[Nani turns on the light]'' See? :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[closes the door]'' Uh, Lilo? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Comfy. ''[Stitch pushes Lilo and tears the pillow]'' Hey! :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[snatches the pillow from Stitch]'' Hey, what is the matter with you?! :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Be careful of the little angel. :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[as Stitch curls himself into a ball rolls into the kitchen]'' It's not an angel, Lilo. I don't even think it's a dog. We just have to take him back. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': He's just cranky because it's his bedtime. :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[off-screen; as Stitch enters the kitchen]'' He's creepy, Lilo. I won't sleep while he's loose in the house. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[off-screen]'' You're loose in the house all the time and I sleep just fine! ''[enters, sees Stitch messing with the blender]'' Hey, what are you doing? Stop that, Stitch! :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[enters]'' '''HEY!''' ''[angrily snatches the blender away and picks up a struggles Stitch]'' Look it, Lilo, he's obviously mutated from something else. We have to take him back! :'''Lilo Pelekai''': He was an orphan and we adopted him! What about o'hana?!'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': He hasn't been here that long. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Neither have I. Dad says o'hana means family. ''[Nani opens the door, then realizes what Lilo said and shuts the door]'' :'''Stitch''': ''[puzzled]'' Huh? :'''Lilo Pelekai:''' O'hana means 'family'. Family means-- :'''Nani Pelekai''': --nobody gets left behind. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Or... :'''Nani Pelekai''': Or forgotten. I know, I know. I hate it when you o'hana against me. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[sticks her tongue, Nani does the same and drops Stitch; she and Stitch then head upstairs to her bedroom]'' Don't worry, you can sleep right next to me. ''[Nani sighs exhaustedly as she lays down on the couch]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[after Stitch builds a model of San Francisco and pretends to be a giant monster]'' No more caffeine for you. ''[As Pleakley gets himself comfortable for the night, Jumba looks at Stitch through binoculars]'' :'''Jumba''': ''[laughs in amusement]'' This little girl is wasting her time. 626 cannot be taught to ignore its destructive programming. Ooh! Push that over. ''[to Pleakley]'' What are you doing? :'''Agent Pleakley''': ''[quickly takes his wig off]'' Nothing! :'''Jumba''': Uh, say, I want to try it on. :'''Agent Pleakley''': ''No!'' :'''Jumba''': ''[angrily snatches his wig]'' Share! Let me try it on! :'''Agent Pleakley''': Hey! Ow! You're just jealous 'cause I'm pretty! ''[notices a mosquito]'' Don't move. (Look.) A mosquito has chosen me as her perch. She's so beautiful. ''[moreness mosquitoes flies in]'' Look, another one. And another one! ''[a whole mosquito swarm flies in, covering him]'' Why, it is a whole flock, and they like me! They're nuzzling my flesh with their noses. Now, they're, um, they're-- ''[in alarm, he realizes the mosquitoes are sucking his blood; the scene cuts to a different shot as he screams painfully, offscreen]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Nani? Nani. :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[wakes up]'' Yeah? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Look. ''[puts Stitch's claw on the record and opens Stitch's mouth to hear Elvis Presley's "[[w:Suspicious Minds|Suspicious Minds]]", repeatedly opens and closes his mouth]'' :'''Elvis Presley''': ''[from Stitch's mouth; singing]'' We can't go on together / With suspicious minds / And we can't build our dreams / On suspicious minds. :''[Nani is surprised and confused about it, but hears a knock on the door, so she rushes out of her bed. She opens it to reveal Cobra Bubbles, and gasps in alarm]'' :'''Cobra Bubbles''': Heard you lost your job. :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[as Stitch comes out with a dictionary]'' Well, uh, actually, I just quit that job because, you know, the hours are just not conducive to the challenges of raising a child. ''[Stitch growls and chucks the book at Cobra's face]'' :'''Cobra Bubbles''': ''[grunts]'' '''''HEY!''''' :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[gasps; picks up Stitch]'' I am so sorry about that. :'''Cobra Bubbles''': What is that thing? ''[Nani drops Stitch]'' :'''Lilo Pelekai''': That's my puppy! :'''Cobra Bubbles''': Really? ''[cracks his neck, to Nani; sternly]'' Thus far, you have been adrift in the sheltered harbor of my patience, but I cannot ignore you being jobless. Do I make myself clear? :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[understanding]'' Perfectly. :'''Cobra Bubbles''': ''[to Lilo]'' And next time I see this dog, I expect it to be a model citizen. Capiche? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[confused]'' Uh, yes? :'''Cobra Bubbles''': ''[to Nani]'' New job. ''[to Lilo; referring to Stitch]'' Model citizen. ''[puts on his sunglasses and the lens comes off]'' Good day. ''[leaves]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Meanwhile, at the shore from miles to Lilo's house]'' :'''Agent Pleakley''': '''''HELP!''''' I don't like the ocean! ''[cut to the waves of the ocean; off-screen]'' '''''AH!''''' Oh, look, a friendly little dolphin. ''[coughs]'' They helped sailors in the war. And, uh-- No, it's a shark! It's a shark, and it ain't friendly! It looks like a dolphin. Tricky fish! Tricky fish! Oh, octopus, come and help me? ''[gets out of the ocean, with small octopus on his face]'' An octo-octopus is worse than a shark! I hate this planet!? ''[Pleakley pulls the octopus out of his face and throws it out, as he starts gasping for air. He lays next to Jumba, who had failed to capture Stitch.]'' :'''Jumba''': Little monster. ''[Pleakley's phone begins to ring, he gets it out, shakes water off and answers it.]'' :'''Agent Pleakley''': Uh, Agent Pleakley here. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': I have lost patience with you both. Have you captured 626 or not? :'''Agent Pleakley''': Um...uh...uh-- :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Consider yourselves fired and prison bound. Your incompetence is nothing short of unspeakable. ''[hangs up]'' :'''Agent Pleakley''': But, uh, mm-- ''[sobs]'' :'''Jumba''': We're fired! Now we do it my way! ''[gets up to find Stitch]'' :'''Agent Pleakley''': Your way? ''[sniffles]'' Oh, uh, wait! :''[cut to alien headquarters]'' :'''Grand Councilwoman''': It seems I have overestimated Jumber and Blinkley. :'''Captain Gantu''': Uh, Jumba and Pleakley. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Whatever. The mission is in jeopardy. This could be your chance to redeem yourself, Captain Gantu. How soon will you be prepared to leave? :'''Captain Gantu''': Immediately. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Stitch wakes up in the jungle, hears a noise. He looks around. Then Jumba enters and laughs, but Stitch gasps.]'' :'''Jumba''': Don't run. Don't make me shoot you. You were expensive. Yes. Yes, that's it. Come quietly. :'''Stitch''': Mm, waiting. :'''Jumba''': For what? ''[notices the Ugly Duckling book]'' :'''Stitch''': Family. :'''Jumba''': Ah. You don't have one. I made you. :'''Stitch''': Oh, maybe I could-- :'''Jumba''': You’re built to destroy. You can never belong. Now come quietly, and we will take you apart. ''[Stitch runs off]'' No, no, no, no, dont, don't run! Don't run! Aye! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Stitch grabs Jumba's plasma gun, but Jumba plugs it with a carrot]'' :'''Jumba''': You shouldn't play with guns. :'''Stitch''': ''[gives it to him]'' Oh, okay. :'''Jumba''': Thank you. ''[hears the gun beeping, realizes it's overloading and throws it back to Stitch]'' Oh, I just remembered; it's your birthday! Happy birthday! :'''Stitch''': ''[throws it to him; grunts]'' Merry Christmas! :'''Jumba''': ''[throws it back]'' It's not Christmas! :'''Stitch''': ''[throws it back]'' Happy Hannukah! :''[As Jumba and Stitch play hot potato with the overloading gun, Pleakley grabs Lilo and runs out of the house]'' :'''Jumba''': ''[in background, overlapped by Lilo]'' It's not Hannukah! :'''Lilo Pelekai''': We're leaving Stitch?! :'''Agent Pleakley''': Trust me, this is not going to end well! :''[Back to Jumba and Stitch]'' :'''Jumba''': One potato! :'''Stitch''': Two potato! :'''Jumba''': Three potato! :'''Stitch''': Four! :'''Jumba''': Five potato! :'''Stitch''': Six potato! :'''Jumba''': Seven potato, more! :'''Stitch''': My... :'''Jumba''': ...mother... :'''Stitch''': ...told... :'''Jumba''': ...me... :'''Stitch''': ...you... :'''Jumba''': ...are... :'''Stitch''': ...it. :'''Jumba''': Ha! I win! :''[The gun explodes, destroying Lilo's house. One of the flying objects from the explosion hits Pleakley, and he screams and flies off-screen]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[After the Pelekai house is destroyed, Nani quickly arrives at the scene while Lilo is explaining to Cobra about everything that happened]'' :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[describing Jumba and Pleakley]'' One of them had a giant eye in the middle of his face. :'''Nani Pelekai''': Oh, Lilo. ''[Cobra puts Lilo in his car and shuts the car door]'' Please, don't do this. :'''Cobra Bubbles''': You know I have no choice. :'''Nani Pelekai''': '''''No!''''' You're ''not'' taking her! I'm the only one who understands her, and if you take that away, she won't stand a chance! :'''Cobra Bubbles''': You're making this harder than it needs to be. :'''Nani Pelekai''': You don't know what you're doing! '''''She needs me!''''' :'''Cobra Bubbles''': ''[angrily points at her destroyed house]'' Is ''this'' what she needs?! It seems clear to me that you need her a lot more than she needs you. ''[Lilo gets out of his car on the other side and flees into the tropical forest]'' Lilo! '''LILO!''' :'''Nani Pelekai''': Lilo! :''[Stitch looks at Lilo's family portrait; Lilo then enters the tropic woods, where Stitch surprises her and hands her the portrait]'' :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[coldly]'' You ruined everything. ''[Stitch hesitantly reveals his true alien form]'' You're one of them? ''[angrily shoves him away; quietly]'' Get out of here, Stitch. ''[She and Stitch then suddenly get captured by Gantu]'' :'''Captain Gantu''': Surprise! ''[laughs evilly]'' And here I thought you'd be difficult to catch. Ho-ho-ho. Silly me. :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[searching for Lilo]'' Lilo? Lilo!! ''[gets passed by Gantu, and she screams in horror; hears Stitch growls and gasps in shock]'' :'''Captain Gantu''': ''[heads to his ship and puts Lilo and Stitch in his traveling glass capsule]'' There you go, all buckled up for the trip. ''[puts his capsule on the back of his ship]'' And look, I even caught you a little snack. ''[gets on his ship and starts his engine]'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[gasps]'' '''''NO, STOP!''''' ''[gets blown down to the ground; Stitch gets himself out of Gantu's capsule. Gantu's ship then takes off to the sky, leaving Stitch falling to the ground; but Lilo is still captured inside]'' Lilo. ''[Stitch gets up, but she smacks him with tree branch; angrily]'' Okay, talk. I know you had something to do with this. Now, where is Lilo? ''[Stitch doesn't answer]'' Talk! I know you can. :'''Stitch''': ''[shakes his head and sighs; annoyed]'' Okay, okay. :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[screams and smacks Stitch with tree branch; Stitch groans]'' Where's...Lilo? :'''Stitch''': ''[sighs]'' Lilo-- ''[gets zapped by plasma cannon blast]'' :'''Jumba''': ''[after he captures Stitch]'' Ha-ha! Now all your washing is up! :'''Agent Pleakley''': ''[shows his ID]'' You're under arrest! Read him his rights. :'''Jumba''': Listen carefully. ''[starts laughing while beating up Stitch]'' :''[Nani gets up and sees Jumba and Pleakley]'' :'''Agent Pleakley''': Hello, Galactic command? Experiment 626 is in custody. We'll wait right here. ''[hangs up; sees Nani walks up to them; whispers to Jumba]'' Don't interact with her. ''[he and Jumba turn around]'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': Where's Lilo? :'''Jumba''': ''[turns around]'' Who? ''[Pleakley angrily slaps him]'' ''What?'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': Lilo. My sister. :'''Jumba''': Uh, sorry. We do not know anyone by this, uh-- :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[stressed out]'' Lilo! She's a little girl, this big! She has black hair and brown eyes, and she hangs around with that '''''THING!''' [points to Stitch]'' :'''Stitch''': Uh-- :'''Jumba''': ''[sighs; solemnly]'' We know her. :'''Nani Pelekai''': Bring her back. :'''Agent Pleakley''': Oh, we can't do that. Uh-uh. That would be a misuse of Galactic resources. :'''Jumba''': See, problem is...we are just here for him. ''[referring to Stitch]'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[sadly]'' So, she's gone? :'''Agent Pleakley''': Look at the bright side. You won't have to yells at anyone anymore. ''[chuckles nervously]'' :''[Nani then sadly kneels to the ground and starts sobbing in despair that she can't get her little sister back]'' :'''Jumba''': Come. ''[Stitch, Jumba and Pleakley turn to leave]'' :'''Stitch''': ''[stops and walks back to Nani]'' ''O'hana.'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': Huh? :'''Jumba''': Hey! ''[snatches Stitch]'' Get away from her. :'''Nani Pelekai''': No! ''[quickly pulls Stitch back from Jumba; to Stitch]'' What did you say? :'''Stitch''': ''"O'hana"'' means family. Family means nobody... :'''Nani Pelekai''': Nobody gets left behind. :'''Stitch''': Or forgotten. Yeah. ''[to Jumba]'' Hey! ''[speaks alien language]'' :'''Jumba''': '''''WHAT?!''''' ''[angrily grabs Stitch]'' After all you put me through, you expect me to help you just like that?! '''''JUST LIKE THAT?!''''' :'''Stitch''': ''[nods]'' ''Ih.'' :'''Jumba''': Fine. ''[takes space handcuffs off of him]'' :'''Agent Pleakley''': "Fine"? You're doing what he says? :'''Jumba''': Uh, he's very persuasive. :'''Agent Pleakley''': "Persuasive"?! What exactly are we doing? :'''Jumba''': Rescue. :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[delightfully]'' We're gonna get Lilo? :'''Stitch''': ''[happily]'' ''Ih!'' :''[Later, they're on the motorcycle towards Jumba's ship]'' :'''Agent Pleakley''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, good! I was hoping to add theft, endangerment, and '''''INSANITY''''' to my list of things I did today! :'''Jumba''': Ha! You too?! :''[Stitch laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Don't leave me, okay? :'''Stitch''': ''[worried]'' Okay. Okay. ''[hears truck horn and sees said truck; determined]'' Okay. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Last lines]'' :'''David Kawena''': ''[to Stitch]'' So, you're from outer space, huh? I heard the surfing's choice. :''[Stitch then gets captured by one of the intergalactic guards with the Grand Councilwoman, who showed up]'' :'''Intergalactic Guard''': We have 626. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Take him to my ship. :'''Lilo Pelekai''': Leave him alone. :'''Cobra Bubbles''': ''[holds her back, preventing her from interfering]'' Hold on. :'''Captain Gantu''': ''[his latest words; to Police Cruiser got Stitch]'' Grand Councilwoman, let me explain. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Silence! I am retiring you, Captain Gantu. :'''Agent Pleakley''': Actually, credit for the capture goes to-- :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Goes to ''me.'' You'll be lucky if you end up on a Fluff Trog farm after we sort this thing out. :'''Jumba''': Uh, I think I should-- :'''Grand Councilwoman''': ''You!'' You're the cause of all this! If it wasn't for Experiment 626, none of this-- :'''Stitch''': ''[interrupting]'' Stitch. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': What? :'''Stitch''': My name Stitch. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Stitch, then. If it wasn't for Stitch-- ''[realizes what just happened, turns back to Stitch]'' :'''Stitch''': Does Stitch have to go in the ship? :'''Grand Councilwoman''': ''[shocked, hesitant]'' Yes. :'''Stitch''': Can Stitch say goodbye? :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Yes. :'''Stitch''': Thank you. ''[walks over to Nani and Lilo]'' :'''Grand Councilwoman''': ''[looks at Nani and Lilo]'' Who are you? :'''Stitch''': This is my family. I found it all on my own. It's little and broken, but still good. Yeah. Still good. ''[walks back to board the ship]'' :'''Agent Pleakley''': Does he really have to go? :'''Grand Councilwoman''': ''[sighs deeply]'' You know as well as I that our laws are absolute. I cannot change what the Council has decided. :'''Cobra Bubbles''': ''[whispers]'' Lilo, didn't you buy that thing at the shelter? :'''Lilo Pelekai''': ''[takes out the adoption form from her pocket, realizing she '''can''' change the Grand Councilwoman's mind, and runs up her]'' Hey! ''[Grand Councilwoman looks down at her]'' Three days ago, I bought Stitch at the shelter. I paid $2 for him. See this stamp? I own him. ''[Grand Councilwoman takes the adoption form]'' If you take him, you're stealing. :''[Grand Councilwoman smiles with a change of heart, realizing that Lilo's right]'' :'''Cobra Bubbles''': Aliens are all about rules. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': You look familiar. :'''Cobra Bubbles''': CIA. Roswell. 1973. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': ''[remembers]'' Ah, yes. You had hair then. Take note of this. This creature has been sentenced to life in exile, ''[takes space handcuffs off of Stitch]'' a sentence that shall be henceforth served out here...on Earth. And as caretaker of the alien life-form, Stitch, this family is now under the official protection of the United Galactic Federation. We'll be checking in, now and then. :'''Cobra Bubbles''': I was afraid you were going to say that. This won't be easy to explain back at headquarters. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': I know what you mean. ''[to her intergalactic guards]'' Don't let those two get on my ship. ''[leaves]'' :''[Jumba and Pleakley wave bye to her; later, the mothership takes off from Hawaii back to space]'' :'''Nani Pelekai''': ''[to Cobra]'' CIA? :'''Cobra Bubbles''': Former. Saved the planet once. Convinced an alien race that mosquitoes were an endangered species. Now, about your house. ''[Cuts to Stitch playing the ukulele, but stops for a moment]'' :'''Stitch''': Wait. ''[Elvis Presley music playing a song [[w:Burning Love|Burning Love]]]'' :'''Elvis Presley''': ''[singing]'' Lord Almighty, I feel my temperature risin', mmm / Higher, higher, it's burning through to my soul / Girl, girl, girl, girl, you're gonna set me on fire / My brain is flamin', I don't know which way to go, yeah...| Your kisses lift me higher / Like a sweet song of a choir You light my mornin' sky with burning love, mmm...| Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, I feel my temperature risin', mm / Help me, I'm flamin', I must be a 109, mmm / Burnin', burnin', burnin' and nothing can cool me, yeah / I just might turn into smoke, but I feel fine...| 'Cause your kisses lift me higher / Like the sweet song of a choir / And you light my mornin' sky with burning love...| It's comin' closer, the flames are now lickin' my body, mm / Won't you help me? I feel like I'm slippin' away / It's hard to breathe, and my chest is a-heavin', mmm, hmm / Lord, have mercy, I'm burning a hole where I lay, yeah...| Your kisses lift me higher / Like the sweet song of a choir / You light my morning sky with burning love / With burning love, a hunk, a hunk of burning love, ah...| I'm just a hunk, a hunk of burning love, ah / I'm just a hunk, a hunk of burning love, ah, ah / A hunk, a hunk of burning love, ah, ah / A hunk, a hunk of burning love, ah, ah...| A hunk, a hunk of burning love, ah / Just a hunk, a hunk of burning love, ah, ah / A hunk, a hunk of burning love, ah, ah, ah / I'm just a hunk, a hunk of burning love. ''[song fades]'' == A-TEENS lyrics (Can't Help Falling in Love) == :'''A-Teens''': I just can't help falling in love with you...| Wise men say / Only fools rush in / But I can't help falling in love with you...| Shall I stay? / Would it be a sin? / If I can't help falling in love with you...| Like a river flows to the sea / So it goes, some things are meant to be / Some things are meant to be...| Take my hand / Take my whole life too / For I can't help falling in love with you...| Wise men say / Only fools rush in / But I can't, I can't help falling in love with you...| Like a river flows to the sea / So it goes, some things are meant to be / Some things are meant to be...| Take my hand / Take my whole life too / For I can't help falling in love with you...| Take my hand / Take my whole life too / For I can't help falling in love with you / For I can't help falling in love / Falling in love with you...| Like a river flows, that's the way it works / I just can't help falling in love with you...| Like a river flows, that's the way it goes / I just can't help falling / Falling in love with you...| Like a river flows, that's the way it works / I just can't help falling in love with you...| Like a river flows, that's the way it goes / I just can't help falling / Falling in love with you...|''[chorus singing]'' == Others == :GALACTIC FEDERATION HEADQUARTERS PLANET TURO ''[text displayed at the beginning of the movie]'' :PRISON TRANSPORT DURGON ''[text displayed at the beginning of the movie]'' == Taglines == *There's one in every family. *His name is Stitch. And he's coming to our galaxy next summer. *Meet Stitch. This Summer, He's Coming to OUR Planet. *He's coming to our galaxy. *On June 21, The tradition is under attack. *May the Stitch be with you. ==Cast== * [[w:Daveigh Chase|Daveigh Chase]] — Lilo Pelekai * [[w:Chris Sanders|Christopher Michael Sanders]] — [[w:Stitch (Lilo & Stitch)|Stitch]] * [[w:Tia Carrere|Tia Carrere]] — Nani Pelekai * [[w:David Ogden Stiers|David Ogden Stiers]] — Dr. Jumba Jookiba * [[w:Kevin McDonald|Kevin McDonald]] — Agent Wendy Pleakley * [[w:Ving Rhames|Ving Rhames]] — Cobra Bubbles * [[w:Kevin Michael Richardson|Kevin Michael Richardson]] — Captain Gantu * [[w:Zoe Caldwell|Zoe Caldwell]] — The Grand Councilwoman * [[w:Jason Scott Lee|Jason Scott Lee]] — David Kawena * [[w:Amy Hill|Amy Hill]] — Lynne Hasagawa * Miranda Paige Walls — Mildred Pearl "Mertle" Edmonds ==See also== * ''[[Disney's Stitch: Experiment 626]]'', a 2002 prequel video game * ''[[Lilo & Stitch: The Series]]'', a sequel TV series that aired from 2003 to 2006 ** ''[[Stitch! The Movie]]'', the 2003 direct-to-video film pilot to the above series, the first released sequel in the franchise and the second sequel chronologically ** ''[[Leroy & Stitch]]'', the 2006 TV film finale to the above series and the third and finale sequel film to this film * ''[[Lilo & Stitch 2: Stitch Has a Glitch]]'', a 2005 direct-to-video sequel film to this film, the second released sequel in the franchise and the first sequel chronologically * ''[[Lilo & Stitch (2025 film)|Lilo & Stitch]]'', a live-action remake of this film directed by Dean Fleischer Camp. * ''[[How to Train Your Dragon (film)|How to Train Your Dragon]]'', a 2010 DreamWorks Animation film also written and directed by Chris Sanders and Dean DeBlois * ''[[The Croods]]'', a 2013 DreamWorks Animation film also written and directed by Chris Sanders * ''[[The Call of the Wild (2020 film)|The Call of the Wild]]'', a 2020 20th Century Studios film also directed by Chris Sanders * ''[[The Wild Robot]]'', a 2024 DreamWorks Animation film also written and directed by Chris Sanders * ''[[How to Train Your Dragon (2025 film)|How to Train Your Dragon]]'', a 2025 live-action remake also written and directed by Dean DeBlois * ''[[w:Shrek 5|Shrek 5]]'' a 2026 DreamWorks Animation film also supervising executive Chris Sanders ==External Links== {{wikipedia}} {{commons}} * {{imdb title|0275847}} {{Lilo & Stitch}} {{Disney}} {{Walt Disney Animation Studios}} [[Category:2002 films]] [[Category:2002 animated films]] [[Category:2002 American animated films]] [[Category:Traditionally animated films]] [[Category:American films]] [[Category:American children's animated comic science fiction films]] [[Category:Animated buddy films]] [[Category:Lilo & Stitch]] [[Category:Films about children]] [[Category:Films about dysfunctional families]] [[Category:Animated films about sisters]] [[Category:Films set on islands]] [[Category:Films set in Hawaii]] [[Category:Films directed by Chris Sanders]] [[Category:Animated films about extraterrestrial life]] [[Category:The Walt Disney Company]] [[Category:2000s English-language films]] [[Category:Impact of the September 11 attacks on cinema]] ocv0hfjkitmvdgstmflyteywdpbsdqf 0 5712 3778938 3778005 2025-07-15T00:26:08Z NicoScribe 2434343 Undo revision [[Special:Diff/3778005|3778005]] by [[Special:Contributions/103.240.204.164|103.240.204.164]] ([[User talk:103.240.204.164|talk]]) test 3778938 wikitext text/x-wiki [[file:Wikipedia-logo-v2.svg|thumb|right|Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia that anyone can edit.]] [[file:Jimmy Wales accessing Wikipedia.jpg|thumb|[[Imagine]] a [[world]] in which every single person on the [[planet]] is given [[free]] access to the sum of all [[human]] [[knowledge]]. That's what we're doing.]] [[File:Active editors at the English Wikipedia 2001–2023.png|thumb|Active editors at the English Wikipedia 2001–2023]] <!--'''Wikipedia''' is a [[w:wiki|wiki]]-based, openly-editable [[w:online encyclopedia|online encyclopedia]] stewarded by the nonprofit [[Wikimedia]] Foundation.--> '''[[w:Wikipedia|Wikipedia]]''' is a free content, multilingual online encyclopedia written and maintained by a community of volunteers through a model of open collaboration, using a wiki-based editing system. Individual contributors, also called editors, are known as Wikipedians. Wikipedia is the largest and most-read reference work in history. == Quotes == <!-- in chronological order --> ===2000s=== ====2000==== * '''What if we could get everyone in the world together to record what they know in one place?''' ** [[Jimmy Wales|Jimmy Wales]], when recruiting [[Larry Sanger]] in January 2000,<!--after Y2K and before January appointment leaves this date--> [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2c9mRKFy5fU The early history of Wikipedia (part 1)] (1:49), Larry Sanger (7 May 2010) [[File:Wikipedia app iOS.jpg|thumb|A view of the [[wikipedia:Wikipedia App|Wikipedia App]], the official [[wikipedia:Application software|app]] of Wikipedia. Any user can install Wikipedia, and you can install, before this, the Wikipedia App to download Wikipedia free and for this, a user need to go to {| class="wikitable" |https://github.com/wikimedia/wikipedia-ios |} or to https://github.com/wikimedia/apps-win8-wikipedia]] ====2001==== * At present I am overworked and the [Nupedia] project is suffering to some extent as a result... I just don't have the time to find lead reviewers for the articles listed [in "General and Other"]. The problem is that it is VERY difficult to find *specialists* on each of those topics.<!--quote suggests clearly the circumstances which immediately preceded the wiki--> ** [[Larry Sanger]], [http://web.archive.org/web/20030503011149/http://www.nupedia.com/pipermail/nupedia-l/2001-January/000671.html Thread: General and Other editor and editorial changes?], ''Nupedia-l mailing list'' (5 January 2001) * It's an idea to add a little feature to Nupedia. ..."Wiki," pronounced \wee'-kee\, derives from a Polynesian word, "wikiwiki," but what it means is a VERY open, VERY publicly-editable series of web pages. ... I can start a page ... Anyone else (yes, absolutely anyone else) can come along and make absolutely any changes to it that he wants to. ... On the page I create, I can link to any other pages, and of course anyone can link to mine. The project is billed and pursued as a public resource. There are a few announced suggestions or rules. ... As to Nupedia's use of a wiki, this is the ULTIMATE "open" and simple format for developing content. We have occasionally bandied about ideas for simpler, more open projects to either replace or supplement Nupedia. ... [It] can be a place where additional changes and commentary can be gleaned... The content can be licensed under an open content license. On the front page of the Nupedia wiki we'd make it ABSOLUTELY clear that this is experimental... ** [[Larry Sanger]], [http://web.archive.org/web/20030414014355/http://www.nupedia.com/pipermail/nupedia-l/2001-January/000676.html Thread: Let's make a wiki], ''Nupedia-l mailing list'' (10 January 2001) * We wouldn't call it "the Nupedia wiki" though that's what it would be. ... On the "wikipedia" we would say that this is a supplementary project to Nupedia which operates entirely independently. ** [[Larry Sanger]], [http://web.archive.org/web/20030414021138/http:/www.nupedia.com/pipermail/nupedia-l/2001-January/000680.html Thread: Re: [Advisory-l] The wiki...], ''Nupedia-l mailing list'' (11 January 2001) * It was a cold Friday evening in January 2001. I was on duty in one of my uni's computer labs... : At first I was a bit intimidated about the entries and discussions, which I saw there. The main contributors at the time were Jimbo, Larry and w:Josh Grosse. The 'Pedia had ca. 700 (!) entries, and was still using the weird Camel Case format, which made links appear in the manner of w:PortugaL or w:PolanD. After a bit of lurking around I quickly figured out what the purpose of the project was, and came to the simple conclusion "Me likes thees!". : What followed were normal symptoms of my gradual turning into a w:Wikipediholic. I spent a large portion of my free time starting entries, editing, and cross-linking. I witnessed the project grow gradually and in waves as it became more popular (slashdotting, etc.). During the Summer, doing the hard job of an analyst at a medium-sized Polish financial institution kept me away for a while. I was back in mid-September. And I intend to stay for as long as I can, or until my cable modem dies on me. ** +wojpob [[Meta:How I became a Wikipedian#In a galaxy far, far away… |How I became a Wikipedian]] (8 December 2001) * Hello, World! ** [[Jimmy Wales]], first edit on the [[w:UseModWiki|UseModWiki]] home page on 15 January 2001, as cited by Biz Carson, [http://www.businessinsider.com/wikipedias-first-words-hello-world-2016-3 The first words on Wikipedia were a nerdy programmer in-joke] (13 March 2016), and confirmed by Wales in [https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=User_talk%3AJimbo_Wales&diff=392514555&oldid=392508515 User talk:Jimbo Wales] (24 October 2001) * ...why 2 sites, or 2 encyclopedias? My impression of them is Wikipedia is the "everyman's" encyclopedia and Nupedia is for the university elite. I looked at being a writer [for Nupedia] but I really felt I wouldn't be welcome since I'm just a college graduate of a two year program for corporate communications. ** Laura T. in [https://lists.wikimedia.org/pipermail/wikipedia-l/2001-October/000665.html Thread: LinkBacks?], ''Wikipedia-l mailing list'' (30 October 2001) * After a year or so of working on Nupedia, Larry had the idea to use Wiki software for a separate project specifically for people like you (and me!) who are intimidated and bored (sorry, Nupedia!) with the tedium of the process. As it turns out, Wikipedia is dramatically more successful on some measures, ... The main thing about Wikipedia is that it is fun and addictive. ** [[Jimmy Wales]] in [https://lists.wikimedia.org/pipermail/wikipedia-l/2001-October/000671.html Thread: LinkBacks?], ''Wikipedia-l mailing list'' (30 October 2001) * Wikis don't work if people aren't bold. You've got to get out there and make those changes, correct that grammar, add those facts, make that language precise, etc., etc. It's OK. It's what everyone expects. So you should never ask, "Why aren't these pages copyedited?" Amazingly, it all works out. It does require some amount of politeness, but it works. You'll see. ** [[Larry Sanger]] in [https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Wikipedia:Be_bold&oldid=238127 Wikipedia:Be bold] (30 October, 2001) ====2002==== * Larry Sanger resigned on March 1st, 2002. He won't even stay as a volunteer. The project now no longer has a leader (or, put another way, everyone is a leader now). **''AnonymousDonor'' on Meatball Wiki in March 2002, as quoted in [http://larrysanger.org/roleinwp.html "My role in Wikipedia (links)"] (c. 2009) * Now that Larry Sanger is gone, Wikipedia's owners will have to watch whether the project manages the transition to effective self-regulation and step in if necessary. **[[w:Erik Möller|Erik Möller]] of the WikiMedia Board in [[:w:Kuro5hin|Kuro5hin]] in March 2002, as quoted in [http://larrysanger.org/roleinwp.html "My role in Wikipedia (links)"] (c. 2009) * The bar to contribution is very low, and if there is any elite in charge, then with all due respect [...], our elite would seem rather less than impressive compared to the leading members of the intelligentsia that contribute to the likes of Britannica. ... The free encyclopedia movement [...] doesn't seem to be travelling in the direction of being led by world-class thinkers, scholars, and scientists,... Basically, Wikipedia is the only game left in town as far as the free encyclopedia movement is concerned. ** [[Larry Sanger]], [https://lists.wikimedia.org/pipermail/wikipedia-l/2002-September/004531.html "Why the free encyclopedia movement needs to be more like the free software movement"], 1 September 2002 ====2003==== * The Wikipedia, perhaps one of the greatest testaments to the generosity on the web, has just hit a milestone of 100,000 articles, a week after its second birthday. ... What makes the Wikipedia so compelling – and this article so hard to finish – is the way everything is so massively linked. You read one entry, and before you know it, you're reading up on Anne Boleyn or Italian greyhounds. But more than that, anyone can add to or edit an entry, or even create another one. ** [[w:Ben Hammersley|Ben Hammersley]], [https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2003/jan/30/onlinesupplement1 Common knowledge], ''The Guardian'' (30 January 2003) * The current versions of these [Wikipedia] articles aren't necessarily the best way to handle it; I think they would do better to discuss *and debunk* racist notions as much as possible, putting them in the proper context so when some kid hears about "racialism" or "reverse racism" and then looks it up on Wikipedia they'll see a rational, neutral explanation of what makes some people think and speak that way – so they'll _understand_ why to discount those ideas. ... There are lessons to be learned from the evil that men do. ** [[w:Brion Vibber|Brion Vibber]], in [https://lists.wikimedia.org/pipermail/wikipedia-l/2003-January/008799.html Thread: Jimbo ? Others advices ?], ''Wikipedia-l mailing list'' (31 January 2003) * Even racists have the right to freedom of expression. But, not on wikipedia. ... The policies of wikipedia, even the [[wikipedia:French Wikipedia|French Wikipedia]], aren't constrained by French law. Yahoo caved in to French censorship efforts because they are a large company with many business interests in France. We do not have that problem. ... Anyhow, no article in Wikipedia should ever directly contradict or directly support any controversial statement of moral principle such as the [[Universal Declaration of Human Rights]]. That's not NPOV, and it's not our mission. ... You are right not to tolerate this kind of sentence. ... But, not becau[s]e of French law! Because of NPOV. ** [[Jimmy Wales]] in [https://lists.wikimedia.org/pipermail/wikipedia-l/2003-January/008822.html Thread: Jimbo ? Others advices ?] and [https://lists.wikimedia.org/pipermail/wikipedia-l/2003-January/008823.html Thread: Racialisme], ''Wikipedia-l mailing list'' (31 January 2003) * This may sound like a recipe for disaster, but the results are impressive. While many of the site's 130,000-plus articles are definitely works in progress, many are rich, concise, and polished. ... Surprisingly, our time spent on Wikipedia turned up no junk entries and no defacements. ... A few of the articles seemed a bit dated, and we came across many red links or blue links that led to single-sentence placeholders. But for the most part, the items were useful and thoughtful. ** Sean Carroll, [http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,2817,2266624,00.asp Site of the Week: Wikipedia], ''[[w:PC Magazine|PC Magazine]]'' (6 June 2003) ====2004==== *'''[[Imagine]] a [[world]] in which every single person on the [[planet]] is given [[free]] access to the sum of [[all]] [[human]] [[knowledge]]. That's what we're [[doing]].''' ** [[Jimmy Wales]], as quoted in [http://interviews.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=04/07/28/1351230 "Wikimedia Founder Jimmy Wales Responds,"] by Robin "Roblimo" Miller, ''Slashdot'' (28 July 2004) * However closely a Wikipedia article may at some point in its life attain to reliability, it is forever open to the uninformed or semiliterate meddler. ** Critique given by former [[w:Encyclopædia Britannica|Encyclopædia Britannica]] editor [[w:Robert McHenry|Robert McHenry]] in a frequently cited 2004 piece, ''The Faith-Based Encyclopedia'' * The user who visits Wikipedia to learn about some subject, to confirm some matter of fact, is rather in the position of a visitor to a public restroom. It may be obviously dirty, so that he knows to exercise great care, or it may seem fairly clean, so that he may be lulled into a false sense of security. What he certainly does not know is who has used the facilities before him. ** Critique given by former [[w:Encyclopædia Britannica|Encyclopædia Britannica]] editor [[w:Robert McHenry|Robert McHenry]] in a frequently cited 2004 piece [https://web.archive.org/web/20101204040824/http://www.ideasinactiontv.com/tcs_daily/2004/11/the-faith-based-encyclopedia.html "The Faith-Based Encyclopedia"] *"encyclopedia ... that anyone can edit" ** [[User:Lowellian]], from [[:wikipedia:special:diff/7558898/7663390|Main Page edit]] (16 November 2004) ====2005==== * You're clearly not here to write an encyclopedia. ** [[User:Jfdwolff]], from [[:wikipedia:special:diff/28452358/28461739|conversation with disruptive user]], led to rule [[:wikipedia:Wikipedia:NOTHERE]] (15 November 2005) ====2006==== [[File:Stephen Colbert 2 by David Shankbone.jpg|thumb|If I want to say he didn't that's my right, and now, thanks to Wikipedia – it's also a [[fact]]. ~&nbsp;[[Stephen Colbert]] on the ownership of slaves by [[George Washington]] ]] * I take a [[wikt:glass-half-full|half-full-glass]] view, based on a different understanding of what [Wikipedia's competition is]: not the traditional professionally produced encyclopedias, but the legions of sites that, springing up all over the Web, purport to contain answers, unverified and often unverifiable, to every topic on earth. Against that standard, Wikipedia is a resounding success. ** [[w:Bertrand Meyer|Bertrand Meyer]] in [http://se.ethz.ch/~meyer/publications/wikipedia/wikipedia.pdf Defense and Illustration of Wikipedia], ''ETH Zurich / Eiffel Software'' (6-7 January 2006) *For some reason people who spend 40 years learning everything they can about, say, the Peloponnesian War – and indeed, advancing the body of human knowledge – get all pissy when their contributions are edited away by Randy in Boise who heard somewhere that sword-wielding skeletons were involved. And they get downright irate when asked politely to engage in discourse with Randy until the sword-skeleton theory can be incorporated into the article without passing judgment. ** [[w:Lore Sjöberg|Lore Sjöberg]], [https://archive.is/20120524104749/www.wired.com/software/webservices/commentary/alttext/2006/04/70670 "The Wikipedia FAQK"], ''[[w:Wired (magazine)|Wired]]'' (19 April 2006) * Wikipedia's promise is nothing less than the liberation of human knowledge – both by incorporating all of it through the collaborative process, and by freely sharing it with everybody who has access to the internet. This is a radically popular idea. ** ''The Economist'' (20 April 2006) * Shoppin' online for deals on some writable media.<br>I edit Wikipedia. ** [["Weird Al" Yankovic]], "[[w:White & Nerdy|White & Nerdy]]", ''[[w:Straight Outta Lynwood|Straight Outta Lynwood]]'' (2006) * When I visited the offices [in St. Petersburg, Florida] in March, the walls were bare, the furniture battered. With the addition of a dead plant, the suite could pass for a graduate-student lounge. ** Stacy Schiff, [https://archive.is/20121205043213/www.newyorker.com/fact/content/articles/060731fa_fact "Can Wikipedia conquer expertise?"], ''The New Yorker'' (31 July 2006) * If I want to say he didn't that's my right, and now, thanks to Wikipedia – it's also a fact. ** [[Stephen Colbert]] on the ownership of slaves by [[George Washington]], on ''The Colbert Report'' (31 July 2006) * In the media age, everybody was famous for 15 minutes. In the Wikipedia age, everybody can be an [[expert]] in five minutes. Special bonus: You can edit your own entry to make yourself seem even smarter. ** [[Stephen Colbert]], [http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/14.08/colbert.html "Be an Expert on Anything"], ''Wired Magazine'', 14:08 (14 August 2006) * Wikipedia's openness isn't a mistake; it's the source of its success. A dedicated community solves problems that official leaders wouldn't even know were there. Meanwhile, their volunteerism largely eliminates infighting about who gets to be what. ... Wikipedia's biggest problems have come when it's strayed from this path, when it's given some people official titles and specified tasks. Whenever that happens, real work slows down and squabbling speeds up. But it's an easy mistake to make, so it gets made again and again. ** [[w:Aaron Swartz|Aaron Swartz]] in [http://www.aaronsw.com/weblog/whorunswikipedia Wikimedia 2006 Elections, Part 3: Who Runs Wikipedia?], ''Raw Thought'' (7 September 2006) ====2007==== [[File:JimmyWalesJI5.jpg|thumb|[[Friedrich Hayek|Hayek]]'s work on price theory is central to my own thinking about how to manage the Wikipedia project.&nbsp; ...&nbsp; one can't [[understand]] my [[ideas]] about Wikipedia without understanding Hayek. ~&nbsp;[[Jimmy Wales]] ]] [[File:Anarchy-symbol.svg|thumb|But how does such a [[w:polycentrism|polycentric]] – even [[anarchic]] – system, composed of editors acting independently and for their own reasons, result in such an utterly useful resource?&nbsp; The answer goes back to the [[Friedrich Hayek|Hayekian]] [[inspiration]] for the project.&nbsp; Because [[editors]] receive both [[psychological]] satisfaction and material usefulness from their contributions, the project has grown to include safeguards that help guarantee that the development of the project will move in a positive direction – towards broad, accurate articles that depend on reliable, verifiable sources. ~&nbsp;Dick Clark]] *'''Hofstadter''': The entry is filled with inaccuracies, and it kind of depresses me.<br>'''Solomon:''' So fix it.<br>'''Hofstadter:''' The next day someone will fix it back. ** On "[[Douglas Hofstadter]]" article; Deborah Solomon, [http://www.nytimes.com/2007/04/01/magazine/01wwlnQ4.t.html "The Mind Reader,"] ''New York Times'' (1 April 2007) * Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject, so you know you are getting the best possible information. ** Michael Scott (played by [[w:Steve Carell|Steve Carell]]), ''[[The Office (U.S. TV series)|The Office]]'', ''The Negotiation'' 3.18 (5 April 2007) * As the popular joke goes, "The problem with Wikipedia is that it only works in practice. In theory, it can never work." ** Miikka Ryokas ([[w:User:Kizor|User:Kizor]]), quoted by [[Noam Cohen]], [http://www.nytimes.com/2007/04/23/technology/23link.html?ex=1178510400&en=c0eb1b23e5c579f7&ei=5070 "The Latest on Virginia Tech, From Wikipedia",] ''The New York Times'' (23 April 2007); the earliest known variant is from the user page of [https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=User:Gareth_Owen&diff=35978744 User:Gareth Owen (20 January 2006)]: "The problem with Wikipedia is that it only works in practice. In theory, it's a total disaster.") * [[Friedrich Hayek|Hayek]]'s work on [[price theory]] is central to my own thinking about how to manage the Wikipedia project.&nbsp; ...&nbsp; [O]ne can't [[understand]] my [[ideas]] about Wikipedia without understanding Hayek. ** [[Jimmy Wales]], cited by Katherine Mangu-Ward, "[http://reason.com/archives/2007/05/30/wikipedia-and-beyond Wikipedia and Beyond: Jimmy Wales' sprawling vision]," ''[[w:Reason (magazine)|Reason]]'' (June 2007); also cited by Morton Winston and Ralph Edelbach, ''Society, Ethics, and Technology'' 4th ed. (Boston, MA: Wadsworth, 2012), p. 200 * <span id="jarvis-commercial"></span> You just can't put something with commercial motive into Wikipedia. Admitting it is hardly better; it is still a crime. The Wikipedians and bloggers will attack hard and they will deserve what they get. ** On an attempt to promote a marketing slogan by creating a Wikipedia article for it ** [[w:Jeff Jarvis|Jeff Jarvis]] in [http://www.buzzmachine.com/2007/06/23/buying-their-voices/ "Buying their voices"] in ''BuzzMachine'' (23 June 2007) <!-- accessdate = 2007-06-29 --> * You set up this fantastic site, with people sending information all around the world, and you don't make any money of it! It's practically an un-American activity! ** [[w:Clive Anderson|Clive Anderson]], ''The Wikipedia Story'', [[w:BBC Radio 4|BBC Radio 4]] (24 July 2007) * There are a lot of bad things said about Wikipedia, the ninth most-visited destination on the internet.&nbsp; An encyclopedia that anyone can edit, critics argue, is one that is vulnerable to endless mistakes.&nbsp; Such criticisms have been raised by skeptics since Wikipedia's creation in 2001.&nbsp; ...&nbsp; While that ultimate goal imagined by [[Jimmy Wales|Wales]] for Wikipedia has not yet come to fruition, there is no questioning the breadth and usefulness of Wikipedia.&nbsp; Those who refused to believe that a user-generated encyclopedia could compete with the monolithic, traditional encyclopedia written by experts and organized by professional editors, were no doubt shocked when ''Nature'' magazine published a 2006 article comparing Wikipedia to the well-known ''Encyclopedia Britannica''.&nbsp; '''The article concluded that Wikipedia articles were comparable in accuracy and thoroughness to those of the older, paper encyclopedia.''' ** Dick Clark, in "[https://mises.org/library/wikipedia-what-it-good Wikipedia: What Is It Good For?]," ''Mises Daily'' (19 September 2007)<!-- , Ludwig von Mises Institute, --> * The man credited with founding Wikipedia, [[Jimmy Wales]]...was a finance major at [[w:Auburn University|Auburn University]] when the [[w:Mises Institute|Mises Institute]]'s [[w:Mark Thornton|Mark Thornton]] suggested he read "[[The Use of Knowledge in Society]]," a now-famous essay written by [[Austrian School|Austro]]-[[libertarian]] [[economist]] and [[w:Nobel Prize|Nobel]] laureate [[Friedrich von Hayek]].&nbsp; The essay argues that [[prices]] in the [[market]] represent a [[spontaneous order]] that results from the interaction of [[individuals]] with diverse [[wants]], allowing them to [[cooperate]] to achieve complex [[goals]].&nbsp; According to a June 2007 ''[[w:Reason (magazine)|Reason]]'' magazine interview, this insight of Hayek's is what led Wales to found Wikipedia.&nbsp; The rather lofty vision that inspired Wales?&nbsp; "[[Imagine]] a [[world]] in which every single [[person]] on [[Earth|the planet]] is given free access to the sum of all [[human]] [[knowledge]].&nbsp; That's what we're doing." ** Dick Clark, in "Wikipedia: What Is It Good For?," ''Mises Daily'' (19 September 2007) * But how does such a [[w:polycentrism|polycentric]] – even [[anarchism|anarchic]] – system, composed of editors acting independently and for their own reasons, result in such an utterly useful resource?&nbsp; The answer goes back to the [[Friedrich Hayek|Hayekian]] [[inspiration]] for the project.&nbsp; Because [[editors]] receive both [[psychological]] satisfaction and material usefulness from their contributions, the project has grown to include safeguards that help guarantee that the development of the project will move in a positive direction – towards broad, accurate articles that depend on reliable, verifiable sources. ** Dick Clark, in "Wikipedia: What Is It Good For?," ''Mises Daily'' (19 September 2007) * One could very aptly describe the Wikipedia system for directing the development of the project as being a [[common law]] system of sorts.&nbsp; The encyclopedia has basic policies – the [[constitutional]] [[law]] of Wikipedia – which require that articles be written from a [[neutral]] point of view, make use of verifiable sources, and include no original research.&nbsp; ...&nbsp; Whenever a content dispute does arise between editors on the "talk" pages that accompany each article, there are a host of [[w:dispute resolution|dispute resolution]] options available. ** Dick Clark, in "Wikipedia: What Is It Good For?," ''Mises Daily'' (19 September 2007) * Wikipedia's reflection of market dynamics is most easily observed in what many people view as the project's weakest areas: obscure articles that draw little traffic.&nbsp; In articles about third-rate garage bands and other topics of limited interest, one will often find factual and typographical errors at a much higher rate than in high-traffic articles such as those on "[[w:England|England]]" or "[[w:Barry Bonds|Barry Bonds]]."&nbsp; The much higher demand for [[information]] about the latter topics means that many more eyes will be combing those much-demanded articles for mistakes.&nbsp; Since Wikipedia is open to correction by anyone, it stands to reason that the articles attracting more potential editors will be of a higher quality.&nbsp; Rather than a [[failure]], this is a great demonstration of Wikipedia's [[efficient]] allocation of resources. ** Dick Clark, in "Wikipedia: What Is It Good For?," ''Mises Daily'' (19 September 2007) * The Tsunami article is well researched and extensive, only at two places a little inaccurate. The scientific Wikipedia articles are, according to my judgement, almost always good. ** [[:de:Frank Schätzing|Frank Schätzing]], SF author, quoted in [http://www.stern.de/digital/online/2-wikipedia-wissen-fuer-alle-606048.html ''Stern'' (December 2007)] * The article [Martin Luther] is ample and solidly written. Someone was really occupied with Luther and read some church histories. I give extra points for quoting from sources and the pictures. ** [[:de:Margot Käßmann|Margot Käßmann]], Lutheran bishop, quoted in [http://www.stern.de/digital/online/2-wikipedia-wissen-fuer-alle-606048.html ''Stern'' (December 2007)] * There is nothing to add to that entry [Marinade]. In my view it contains all important information. I use Wikipedia often for food chemistry. Sometimes you find something you didn't even think about. ** [[w:de:Sarah Wiener|Sarah Wiener]], TV cook, quoted in [http://www.stern.de/digital/online/2-wikipedia-wissen-fuer-alle-606048.html ''Stern'' (December 2007)] ====2008==== * I think there's more information about culture in Wikipedia than anywhere else in the world, ever. ** [[w:Tyler Cowen|Tyler Cowen]], "Why everything has changed: the recent revolution in cultural economics" in ''Journal of Cultural Economics'' (2008), 32, p. 266, DOI 10.1007/s10824-008-9074-y * Wikipedia is, at least to some extent, a ''revenge site''. People (like [Don] Murphy) who have a knack for angering and upsetting others are primary targets for that sort of treatment. This is not rocket science, folks. ... As the level of perceived “obnoxiousness” required to make someone a [Wikipedia] target continues to drop, the question becomes, ''how far will it drop?'' ** User Somey (24 March 2008), in response to [http://archive.li/EddMg#selection-1459.16-1458.1 Don Murphy - another Living Person who doesn't want a Wikipedia biography] by user blissyu2, ''[[w:Wikipedia Review|Wikipedia Review]]'' (7 September 2007) * Wikipedia is so dangerous. You go online to look up the definition of eclampsia, and three hours later you find yourself reading this earnest explanation of tentacle porn in anime. ** [[Lois McMaster Bujold]], [http://www.startribune.com/the-speculator/18174439/ The Speculator], in the Minnesota Star-Tribune (28 April 2008) * Wikipedia's version of reality has already become a monopoly. And all the prejudices and ignorance of its creators are imposed too. ** [[w:Martin Cohen (philosopher)|Martin Cohen]], [https://www.timeshighereducation.com/news/encyclopaedia-idiotica/403327.article Encyclopaedia Idiotica], ''Times Higher Education'' (28 August 2008) * Beware corporate executives posing as social visionaries. The hype may be about the fulfillment of human potential, but the reality is the exploitation of digital sharecropping. ** Seth Finkelstein, "[http://www.theguardian.com/technology/2008/sep/25/wikipedia.internet Wikipedia isn't about human potential, whatever Wales says]", ''The Guardian'' (25 September 2008) * This term "[[democratic]]" gets tossed around a lot, usually in a positive, "power to the people rather than some arbitrary ruler" sense.&nbsp; By that meaning, [[Wikipedia]] is indeed democratic.&nbsp; Yet, unlike a state democracy, 51% at the polls will not necessarily trump a Wikipedia adversary.&nbsp; So in the sense that the word "democracy" comes loaded with a "one man, one vote" [[ideology]], Wikipedia is not democratic at all.&nbsp; And it is a good thing that Wikipedia isn't a democracy. ** Dick Clark, "[https://mises.org/library/free-encyclopedia-democratic-encyclopedia Is the Free Encyclopedia a Democratic Encyclopedia?]," ''Mises Daily'' (2 October 2008) ====2009==== [[File:Main page experiment - The Anome.png|thumb|It's said that aeronautical theory says bumblebees ought not to be able to fly. Likewise, the idea that a useful, serious reference work could emerge from the contributions of thousands of "ordinary" internet users, many without scholarly qualifications, would until comparatively recently have been dismissed as absurd. ~&nbsp;[[w:John Naughton|John Naughton]] ]] * The project's advocates imagine that the problem, if they recognise one at all, lies in the variable quality of Wikipedia's individual entries. The solution is obvious: a process in which editors work on the less successful entries and remove the obviously unmerited ones.<br />In reality, the problem is much more fundamental to Wikipedia than that much of its content is a pile of dross. Whereas science and learning pursue truth, Wikipedia prizes consensus. Wikipedia has no means of arbitrating between different claims, other than how many people side with one position rather than another. That ethos is fatal to the advancement of learning. Ideas are refined by being tested; scientific method presupposes scrutiny, experiment and conflict. ** [[Oliver Kamm]] [https://web.archive.org/web/20090405022017/http://www.thefirstpost.co.uk/46900,opinion,knowledge-by-consensus-wikipedia-jimmy-wales "Wikipedia is junk"] ''The First Post: The Week'' (April 1, 2009) ** The original title of the article was "Wikipedia is junk", but in the archived save it has become deformed to simply "Wikipedia". * It's said that aeronautical theory says bumblebees ought not to be able to fly. Likewise, the idea that a useful, serious reference work could emerge from the contributions of thousands of "ordinary" internet users, many without scholarly qualifications, would until comparatively recently have been dismissed as absurd. ** [[w:John Naughton|John Naughton]], [http://www.theguardian.com/media/2009/apr/05/digital-media-referenceandlanguages "Face facts: where Britannica ruled, Wikipedia has conquered"], ''The Guardian'' (5 April 2009) * Even the founders of Wikipedia had no clue when they started the project of what it would accomplish. They dug a hole to find water, and struck oil instead. ** [[w:User:Erik Zachte|Erik Zachte]] (Wikimedia Foundation data analyst), [http://infodisiac.com/blog/2009/07/numbers-and-strategy/ "Numbers and Strategy"] {{dead link}} (24 July 2009) * A lot of articles will be locked down. The history of Wikipedia has been one of increasing barriers to changing articles ** [[Simon Pulsifer]], '''[https://www.thestar.com/news/2009/11/23/thousands_of_editors_leaving_wikipedia.html Thousands of editors leaving Wikipedia]''' (Nov. 23, 2009) * The early days were a gold rush,They attracted lots and lots of people, because a new person could write about anything. ** [[Sue Gardner]], '''[https://www.wsj.com/articles/SB125893981183759969 Volunteers Log Off as Wikipedia Ages]''' (Nov. 27, 2009 12:01 am ET) * We now see the strong emergence of the Social Web instead of the Semantic Web, and a proposal has been made to use Wikipedia, the largest hierarchical collection of information in the world, as bottom-up input for the ontologies required to give shape to the Semantic Web. ** Jaap Bloem, Menno van Doorn, and Sander Duivestein, in ''Me the media: rise of the conversation society'', [http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/3.0/ Ed. VINT printed by Bariet, The Netherlands] (2009), p. 277, <small>{{ISBN|978 90 75414 22 6}}</small> * The only solution is to shut [Wikipedia] down and scatter it to the four winds. The idea that experts don't matter but 12 year old Canadians in their basements do is beyond untenable. ... What gives any anonymous douchebag the qualifications to write about ME and then call it encyclopedic? The project has failed from the top down. There is no fixing. ** [[w:Don Murphy|Don Murphy]] writing under username "ColScott" in ''[http://wikipediareview.com/index.php?showtopic=27677&st=40 Wikipedia Review]'', (6 December 2009) ===2010s=== ====2010==== [[File:Jeffrey Tucker Freedomfest 2013.jpg|thumb|So I finally gave in and coughed up a [[donation]] for [[Wikipedia]].&nbsp; It was no trouble at all, and [[felt]] [[good]].&nbsp; ...&nbsp; It's true that giving this way doesn't make rational sense according to a [[neoclassical economics|neoclassical]] idea of what constitutes [[economic]] rationality.&nbsp; [[Wikipedia]] is free and it will be there whether I give or not.&nbsp; The same might be said of the [[:w:Ludwig von Mises Institute|Mises Institute]].&nbsp; If all we cared about were [[commerce|commercial]] exchange, I have every incentive to use the free good and never pay.&nbsp; There is no harm done in [[:w:free riding|free riding]], right?&nbsp; [[Ludwig von Mises|Mises]] himself had a broader view of rationality.&nbsp; He said that all [[actions]] are [[rational]] from the point of view of the actor.&nbsp; I'm glad to embrace that [[idea]].&nbsp; Giving in this way is not strictly a [[capitalist]] act if you define capitalism as only commercial exchange based on [[contract]].&nbsp; But if we see capitalism as the voluntary sector of [[society]] characterized by [[private property]] [[relationships]], this kind of micro-giving is part of that. ~&nbsp;[[w:Jeffrey Tucker|Jeffrey A. Tucker]] ]] * Wikipedia is effectively one-of-a-kind. No other mass-market or topically broad wikis have had meaningful success to date. Even Wikimedia's other wiki projects are not nearly as active as Wikipedia. If successful wikis are rare, Wikipedia might be a one-in-a-million lightning strike &mdash; some unique combination of factors succeeded in this case, but those circumstances are unlikely to replicate. If so, Wikipedia's rarity might also highlight its fragility. ** [[w:Eric Goldman|Eric Goldman]], Wikipedia's Labor Squeeze and its Consequences, ''Journal on Telecommunications and High Technology'', vol. 8, p. 157 (2010) * There are a number of trolls, stalkers, and psychopaths who wander around Wikipedia and the other Wikimedia projects looking for people to harass, stalk, and otherwise ruin the lives of (several have been arrested over their activities here) ... You will eventually say something that will lead back to you, and the stalkers will find it ... I decided to be myself, to never hide my personality, to always be who I am, but to utilize disinformation with regard to what I consider unimportant details: age, location, occupation, etc. ** [[w:Essjay controversy|Ryan Jordan]] quoted in [https://historynewsnetwork.org/article/125437 Wikipedia – The Dumbing Down of World Knowledge], by Edwin Black, ''History News Network'', (19 April 2010) * 1. Wikipedia has no governance to speak of. It's a land of jungle law. 2. Wikipedia has no respect for people and their works. People are treated on Wikipedia like s--t. 3. Wikipedia cannot be trusted for accurate information, considering the agenda-pushing street gangs of wiki. 4. Wikipedia pollutes the internet as well as diminishes scholarship. It floods and pollutes the search engines on the internet and pushes out good scholarship and honest debate in favor of bad scholarship, defamation, and bold face intimidation and thuggery. 5. Wikipedia needs to be brought under the rules of slander, liable [sic], defamation, and copyright laws. 6. Wikipedia should be stripped of its 501c3 status. ** A posting by ''victim of censorship'' in [[w:Wikipedia Review|Wikipedia Review]] (6 December 2009), as quoted in [https://historynewsnetwork.org/article/125437 Wikipedia – The Dumbing Down of World Knowledge], by Edwin Black, ''History News Network'' (19 April 2010) * When I write, I consult Wikipedia 30–40 times a day, because it is really helpful. When I write, I don't remember if someone was born in the 6th century or the 7th; or maybe how many n's are in "Goldmann"... Just a few years ago, for this kind of thing you could waste a lot of time. ** [[Umberto Eco]], [http://it.wikinews.org/w/index.php?title=Intervista_a_Umberto_Eco/Traduzione&oldid=876121 interview by Wikinotizie:Wiki@Home], ''Wikimedia Italia'' (24 April 2010) * At our roundtable, an audience member commented that the web was supposed to offer a [[democratic]] space in which no voices or experiences would be marginalized or ignored. Yet the coverage on Wikipedia has huge gaps, partly because of the interests and knowledge of those who have hitherto been most drawn to contributing: "more than 80 percent [[male]], more than 65 percent [[single]], more than 85 percent without [[children]], around 70 percent under the age of 30." Although Wikipedia boasts thousands of detailed, well-researched, well-referenced articles on scholarly subjects, such as its [[Featured Articles]], entries on fictional locations such as Middle-earth may be much more detailed than entries on real locations, such as countries in [[Africa]]. ** [https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Wiki-hacking:_Opening_up_the_academy_with_Wikipedia Wiki-hacking: Opening up the academy with Wikipedia], (May 29, 2010) * Two Israeli groups set up training courses in Wikipedia editing with aims to 'show the other side' over borders and culture done by Yesha Council, representing the Jewish settler movement, and the rightwing Israel Sheli (My Israel) movement. "We don't want to change Wikipedia or turn it into a propaganda arm," says Naftali Bennett, director of the Yesha Council. The problem, according to Ayelet Shaked of Israel Sheli, is that online, pro-Israeli activists are vastly outnumbered by pro-Palestinian voices. In 2008, members of the hawkish pro-Israel watchdog Camera who secretly planned to edit Wikipedia were banned from the site by administrators. Meanwhile, Yesha is building an information taskforce to engage with new media, by posting to sites such as Facebook and YouTube, and claims to have 12,000 active members, with up to 100 more signing up each month. "It turns out there is quite a thirst for this activity," says Bennett. "The Israeli public is frustrated with the way it is portrayed abroad." ** [https://www.theguardian.com/world/2010/aug/18/wikipedia-editing-zionist-groups Wikipedia editing courses launched by Zionist groups] ''The Guardian'' (August 18, 2010) * <p>So I finally gave in and coughed up a [[donation]] for [[Wikipedia]].&nbsp; It was no trouble at all, and [[felt]] [[good]].&nbsp; Now I have a sense that I'm a partial owner – a stakeholder of sorts – in this apparatus that I use every day.&nbsp; ...&nbsp; [[Giving]] like this can be habit forming.&nbsp; ...&nbsp; It's true that giving this way doesn't make rational sense according to a [[:w:neoclassical economics|neoclassical]] idea of what constitutes [[economic]] rationality.&nbsp; [[Wikipedia]] is free and it will be there whether I give or not.&nbsp; The same might be said of the [[Ludwig von Mises Institute|Mises Institute]].&nbsp; If all we cared about were [[commerce|commercial]] exchange, I have every incentive to use the free good and never pay.&nbsp; There is no harm done in [[free riding]], right?</p><p>[[Ludwig von Mises|Mises]] himself had a broader view of rationality.&nbsp; He said that all [[actions]] are [[rational]] from the point of view of the actor.&nbsp; I'm glad to embrace that [[idea]].&nbsp; Giving in this way is not strictly a [[capitalist]] act if you define capitalism as only commercial exchange based on [[contract]].&nbsp; But if we see capitalism as the voluntary sector of [[society]] characterized by [[private property]] [[relationships]], this kind of micro-giving is part of that.</p> ** [[w:Jeffrey Tucker|Jeffrey A. Tucker]], "[https://mises.org/blog/fostering-donation-culture Fostering a Donation Culture]", ''Mises Wire'', (29 December 2010) * [[w:Wikipedia|Wikipedia]] is, for many users, the primary site for information on the Web ... At present, Wikipedia hosts more than 2.9 million English-language articles, with a total of 13 million articles available in more than 250 different languages ... Wikipedia is the second-most searched site on the Internet, behind only Google. ** Michael Miller, in ''Sam's Teach Yourself Wikipedia in 10 Minutes'' (2010), p. 3 & 5 <!-- Pearson Education, inc. --><small>{{ISBN|978-0-672-33123-7}}</small> * As [[w:Wikipedia|Wikipedia]] founder [[w:Jim Wales|Jim Wales]] revealed, back in 2005, 50 percent of all Wikipedia edits were made by just 0.7 percent of users; 75 percent of all articles were written by less than 2 percent of the user base. These numbers reveal that the active Wikipedia community is a lot smaller than you might think. It's understandable, then, for this active group to be somewhat self-centered, and not always accommodating to new or casual users. ** Michael Miller, in ''Sam's Teach Yourself Wikipedia in 10 Minutes'' (2010), p. 163 <!-- Pearson Education, inc. --><small>{{ISBN|978-0-672-33123-7}}</small> ====2011==== * Concerns among the academic community about the reliability of information from Wikipedia are unlikely to ever be fully alleviated, but this has never been Wikipedia's fundamental goal. Much greater speed in adding and updating information, and involvement of the many rather than the few, have always been seen as ample compensation for any inaccuracies that emerge in the initial posting of entries. Wikipedia, like [[w:The Glass Bead Game|Castalia]], is a flawed ideal but it is, as far as can reasonably be predicted, here to stay. ** Peter Roberts & [[w:Michael Adrian Peters|Michael A. Peters]], [http://ir.canterbury.ac.nz/bitstream/handle/10092/7374/12629360_From%20Castalia%20to%20Wikipedia.pdf?sequence=1 From Castalia to Wikipedia], in ''E-Learning and Digital Media'', vol. 8, no. 1, pp. 36-46 (2011) * Intuitively [students] are using Wikipedia as one of those [new] tools, creating a new layer of information-filtering to help orient them in the early stages of serious research. As a result, Wikipedia's role as a bridge to the next layer of academic resources is growing stronger. ** Casper Grathwohl, [http://chronicle.com/article/Wikipedia-Comes-of-Age/125899?cid=trend_right_t Wikipedia Comes of Age], ''The Chronicle of Higher Education'', (7 January 2011) * America's daily political vitriol is an undeniable fact. Against that depressing background, it is good to be able to celebrate an American invention which, for all its faults, tries to spread around the world a combination of unpaid idealism, knowledge and stubborn civility. ** [[w:Timothy Garton Ash|Timothy Garton Ash]], [http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/cifamerica/2011/jan/12/wikipedia-us-pioneer-global-idealism "We've seen America's vitriol. Now let's salute Wikipedia, a US pioneer of global civility,"] ''The Guardian'' (12 January 2011); and [http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/commentary/la-oe-0114-gartonash-wikipedia-20110114,0,2209707.story "Look it up: Wikipedia is turning 10"], ''The Los Angeles Times'', (14 January 2011). * It can be stunningly good on obscure corners of popular culture, and strikingly weak on mainstream matters. ** Timothy Garton Ash, "We've seen America's vitriol. Now let's salute Wikipedia, a US pioneer of global civility", ''The Guardian'', (12 January 2011) * The kind of social production that Wikipedia represents has turned from a laughable utopia to a practical reality. That's the biggest gift that Wikipedia has given to us – a vision of practical utopia that allows us to harness the more sociable, human aspects of who we are to effective collective action. ** [[w:Yochai Benkler|Yochai Benkler]], [http://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2011/01/all-star-thinkers-on-wikipedias-10th-anniversary/69523/ "All-Star Thinkers on Wikipedia's 10th Anniversary"], ''The Atlantic'', (13 January 2011) *Wikipedia underscores an evolutionary lesson: We've always gotten farther as a species collaborating than going it alone. ... In the past, the groups that cooperated best lived longer and had more kids – and we inherited those tendencies. Groups would correct cheaters (people who didn't share info or goods) through social pressure. So Wikipedia is like humanity's social nature writ large electronically, complete with ongoing disputes and corrections. **[[w:Mariette DiChristina|Mariette DiChristina]], [http://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2011/01/all-star-thinkers-on-wikipedias-10th-anniversary/69523/ "All-Star Thinkers on Wikipedia's 10th Anniversary"], ''The Atlantic'', (13 January 2011) * The generation of an infinite number of bogusly 'objective' sentences in an English of agonizing patchwork [[mediocrity]] is no cause for celebration, even if it eventually amounts to a [[Jorge Luis Borges|Borgesian]] paraphrase of our entire universe. ... I liked the internet better before. The mistakes had flavor, passion, transparent purpose. ** [[w:Jonathan Lethem|Jonathan Lethem]], [http://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2011/01/all-star-thinkers-on-wikipedias-10th-anniversary/69523/ "All-Star Thinkers on Wikipedia's 10th Anniversary",] ''The Atlantic'', (13 January 2011) *The fundamental flaw in the way Wikipedians think about what they do is that they are entirely absorbed in rules and procedures and arguing fine points with one another and earning merit points; it has all the flavour, as has been suggested before, of a great online game. Users – the ostensible audience – are hardly considered. **[[w:Robert McHenry|Robert McHenry]], [http://www.wired.co.uk/news/archive/2011-01/13/wikipedia-viewpoints?page=all "Viewpoints: what the world thinks of Wikipedia"], ''Wired.co.uk'', (13 January 2011) *An authority isn't a person or institution who is always right – ain't no such animal. An authority is a person or institution who has a process for lowering the likelihood that they are wrong to acceptably low levels. ... And this is what I think is really worth celebrating as Wikipedia begins its second decade. It took one of the best ideas of the last 500 years – [[peer review]] – and expanded its field of operation so dramatically that it changed the way authority is configured. **[[Clay Shirky]], [http://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2011/01/all-star-thinkers-on-wikipedias-10th-anniversary/69523/ "All-Star Thinkers on Wikipedia's 10th Anniversary"], ''The Atlantic'', (13 January 2011) *Warm, kindly, humane Wikipedia didn't grow up in today's Internet. Now it's like a hothouse orchid the size of a barn. **[[Bruce Sterling]], [http://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2011/01/all-star-thinkers-on-wikipedias-10th-anniversary/69523/ "All-Star Thinkers on Wikipedia's 10th Anniversary"], ''The Atlantic'', (13 January 2011) * The difference between Wikipedia and other editorially created products is that Wikipedians are not professionals, they are only asked to bring what they know. Everyone brings their crumb of information to the table. If they are not at the table, we don't benefit from their crumb. ** [[w:Sue Gardner|Sue Gardner]], as quoted in [http://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/31/business/media/31link.html "Define Gender Gap? Look Up Wikipedia's Contributor List"], by Noam Cohenjan, ''New York Times'', (30 January 2011) *Every single day for the last 10 years Wikipedia has got better because someone – several million someones in all – decided to make it better. ... Wikipedia is best understood not as a product with an organisation behind it, but as an activity that happens to leave an encyclopedia in its wake. **[[Clay Shirky]], [http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2011/jan/14/wikipedia-unplanned-miracle-10-years "Wikipedia – an unplanned miracle"], ''The Guardian'', (14 February 2011) * Watching [[pornography]] [...] is like going to a Wikipedia page. You search for a specific thing, a specific feeling, a specific result, and that's exactly what you find. ** [[w:Meg Wolitzer|Meg Wolitzer]], "[http://www.nytimes.com/2011/04/17/fashion/17Cultural.html "The Sex Drive, Idling in Neutral]", ''New York Times'', (15 April 2011) * Wikipedia was an idea whose time had come on an information-driven net whose consumers couldn't wait for the slow workings of expertise or the cost of proprietary content: a free encyclopedia written by anonymous users supposedly striving for an “unbiased” perspective. ... Wikipedia in practice has strayed from these utopian ideas because of the ease with which political and social bias trumps altruism. ... Finding examples of Wikipedia's bias is not difficult. One need only compare the entries of figures who do the same thing but from opposite sides of the political spectrum. ** David Swindle in [https://www.frontpagemag.com/fpm/102601/how-left-conquered-wikipedia-part-1-david-swindle "How the left conquered Wikipedia, Part 1"], ''FrontPage Mag'' (22 August 2011) * I am astonished at the ethical blindness of Bell Pottinger's reaction. That their strongest true response is they didn't break the law tells a lot about their view of the world, I'm afraid. ** [[Jimmy Wales]] on [[w:Bell Pottinger|Bell Pottinger]]'s admission of paid editing, [http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/wikipedia-founder-attacks-bell-pottinger-for-ethical-blindness-6273836.html Wikipedia founder attacks Bell Pottinger for 'ethical blindness'], ''Independent'' (8 December 2011) ====2012==== * But the blot on the encyclopedia's fair name is not just in the wrongness of the statement, but in its partisan and non-encyclopedic nature.... If Wikipedia wants to live up to its promise of being a reliable encyclopedic source, it will strike this and all sentences resembling it from its article on me. At most, it can use me as an example of how it was fooled by some of its all-too-partisan collaborators. Speaking of whom: the history page accompanying my page proves forever that some Wikipedia collaborators wanted to inflict on me the maximum harm possible, an attitude incompatible with work for an encyclopedia. Shouldn't Wikipedia fire them and wipe out everything they wrote? Of course they can still contribute blogs and columns, by preference under their own full names, but they have proven themselves not to be encyclopedic authorities... ** Koenraad Elst, The Argumentative Hindu (2012) * We don't want Wikipedia to be just as accurate as the Encyclopedia Britannica: We want it to have 55 times as many entries, present contentious debates fairly, and reflect brand new scholarly research, all while being edited and overseen primarily by volunteers. ** Rebecca J. Rosen, "[http://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2012/02/does-wikipedia-have-an-accuracy-problem/253216/ "Does Wikipedia Have an Accuracy Problem?"], ''The Atlantic'', (16 February 2012) * Despite being staffed entirely by an army of volunteers, Wikipedia – which is not, strictly speaking, a news site – is keeping pace with conventional media outlets. Official results make their way to athletes' Wikipedia pages within hours, and sometimes minutes, of their finish. With dedicated editors working 24/7, Wikipedia pages are proving to be faster, leaner and more popular alternatives to traditional reporting. ** Brian Mossop, [http://www.wired.com/2012/08/how-wikipedia-won-olympic-gold/ "How Wikipedia won Olympic Gold"], ''Wired.com'', (10 August 2012) * Wikipedia, as you well know, is a fraudulent encyclopedia. It's sort of invented. And we all go to it. The entry under Michael Savage – I have one person who keeps trying to correct the truth. But the soviets, that is the communists, that is the liberals, that is the democrats, have at least ninety-nine people who attack my site, every time he makes a correction. For example, when he reenters that Michael Savage single-handedly stopped the Dubai Ports Deal? They take it out of there. They don't want anyone to know it. In other words, they revise my history, the way the soviets did to individuals that they wanted to destroy in their country. Now you understand why I'm not allowed on any television station. Why Michael Savage is an unknown individual in America, except to its millions of listeners. And why this show is number two on the Internet and radio. And why I have six best sellers in a row. Because somehow the truth is getting out. But I'm warning you about Wikipedia. If Wikipedia doesn't stop these ninety-nine democrat liberal soviets from modifying things that are true, then how could you rely upon a website that's so fraudulent? You can't. You can't! But I can't fight every battle every day, you understand that? ** [[Michael Savage]], ''[[:w:The Savage Nation|The Savage Nation]]'', (7 September 2012) * Wikipedians [...] act as de facto topic moderators, they often end up being biased and frequently quirky. ... Articles are often edited with the sensibility of adolescent too-clever-by-half males[, which] describes a lot of Wikipedians. ** [[Larry Sanger]], [https://www.quora.com/What-are-Wikipedias-flaws What are Wikipedia's flaws?], ''Quora'', (2 November 2012) ====2013==== * It is partly a product of history, where we came from in the early days. We were really a child of the [[w:Dot-com bubble|dot-com crash]]. There was no investment money. We were just a group of people on the internet trying to do something cool. A lot of the volunteers wanted to put it into the non-profit [Wikimedia Foundation] – made sense to me. ** [[Jimmy Wales]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hogrhfS8Tws Exclusive interview with Jimmy Wales-Founder of Wikipedia], ''Corporate Valley'', (27 March 2013) * The site I avoid at all cost is Wikipedia, which for many subjects I've found to be a trove of misinformation. I don't even have any desire to read my own Wikipedia article. ** Gwenda Bond, [http://www.publishersweekly.com/pw/by-topic/new-titles/adult-announcements/article/56795-the-changing-world-of-reference-focus-on-reference-2012.html The Changing World of Reference: Focus on Reference 2013], ''Publishers Weekly'', (12 April 2013) * It all started one night when writer [[Amanda Filipacchi]] was browsing through Wikipedia and noticed an absence of women under the category "American novelists." At first, she thought the female writers being moved off the page were not important enough to be on it. But then she discovered some obscure male novelists were still listed, while some well-known women were not. ** ''[https://www.npr.org/2013/04/29/179850435/what-s-in-a-category-women-novelists-spark-wiki-controversy "What's In A Category? 'Women Novelists' Sparks Wiki-Controversy"]'', (April 29, 2013) * As they say, [[history]] is written by the victorious Wikipedia editors. ** Marya Hannun, "[http://blog.foreignpolicy.com/posts/2013/07/07/the_wikipedia_war_over_egypts_coup The Wikipedia War Over Egypt's 'Coup']", ''FP Passport'' (7 July 2013) * Of the approximately 7,000 languages spoken today, some 2,500 are generally considered endangered. ...less than 5% of all languages can still ascend to the digital realm. We present evidence of a massive die-off caused by the digital divide. ... To summarize a key result of this study...: No wikipedia, no ascent. ** [[w:András Kornai|András Kornai]], [http://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0077056 "Digital Language Death"], ''PLoS ONE 8(10)'' (22 October 2013) * It rarely tries new things in the hope of luring visitors; in fact, it has changed little in a decade. ** Tom Simonite, [https://www.technologyreview.com/s/520446/the-decline-of-wikipedia/ "The Decline of Wikipedia"], ''MIT Technology Review'', (22 October 2013) ====2014==== * Dealing with the Wikipedians is like walking into a mental hospital: the floors are carpeted, the walls are nicely padded, but you know there's a pretty good chance at any given moment one of the inmates will pick up a knife. ** Anonymous Wiki-PR client, cited by Judith-Newman in [http://www.nytimes.com/2014/01/09/fashion/Wikipedia-Judith-Newman.html?_r=0 Wikipedia-Mania], ''New York Times'' (9 January 2014) * Every single person who signed this petition needs to go back to check their premises and think harder about what it means to be honest, factual, truthful. Wikipedia's policies around this kind of thing are exactly spot-on and correct. If you can get your work published in respectable scientific journals - that is to say, if you can produce evidence through replicable scientific experiments, then Wikipedia will cover it appropriately. What we won't do is pretend that the work of lunatic charlatans is the equivalent of "true scientific discourse". ** Jimmy Wales on 23 March 2014, answering 7,790+ persons who objected to Wikipedia's coverage of "holistic approaches to healing", as quoted by Alexandra Sifferlin in [http://time.com/36938/wikipedia-founder-sticks-it-to-lunatic-holistic-healers/ “Wikipedia Founder Sticks It To 'Lunatic' Holistic Healers”], ''Time'', (25 March 2014) * Today, this [[democratic]] [[federation]] [Wikimedia] controls a large proportion of the sum of human knowledge, largely displacing the former [[Britannica]] [[Empire]] which had once stretched from A to {{w|Zymotic Diseases}}. ** [https://en.wikivoyage.org/wiki/Wikivoyage:Joke_articles/Wikipedia W!k!ped!a travel guide], (April 1, 2014) * ...when I used to teach kids, there was a fierce debate between teachers on the pro versus the anti Wikipedia side, and I always came down very strongly on the pro side, and I told my students if they were researching something for me – like Wikipedia is totally OK. Copy and pasting from Wikipedia is not, but there is no place to get a better overview from things. ... it all depends on what do you need, and if you just want to check some quick fact about something, Wikipedia is totally reliable. Now there's reasons why you can't cite it as a source, but ignoring that for the time being, Wikipedia for a huge number of people's needs is totally fine. ... the thing that is disturbing is the number times that that source link does not go anywhere, or, I have found some times where the context of the source link says something that is completely contrary to the feeling that you got from the Wikipedia page itself ... ** [[w:CGP Grey|CGP Grey]] from 31:05 in [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGa3ah03uBI H.I. #1: Being Wrong on The Internet], ''Hello Internet'' on ''YouTube'', (30 April 2014) * You'd be amazed at the number of times I've been with top professors in the field and I've asked them a question and they've said, 'I'm not too sure about that, let me check', and gone straight to Wikipedia. ** [[w:Brady Haran|Brady Haran]] from 31:30 in [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGa3ah03uBI H.I. #1: Being Wrong on The Internet], ''Hello Internet'' on ''YouTube'', (30 April 2014) * With such a massive amount of rules and regulations to adhere to, how is it not absolutely deterring for newcomers to join Wikipedia? Most likely, because they do not even know these rules exist. Counter-intuitive as it may sound, in spite of all the regulations, it is perfectly fine and acceptable to just use common sense when editing Wikipedia, relying on one's best judgment on how to make it a better encyclopedia. In fact, one of the Wikipedia policies goes even further and states that “If a rule prevents you from improving or maintaining Wikipedia, ignore it,” and one of the five pillars of Wikipedia claims that “Wikipedia has policies and guidelines, but they are not carved in stone; their content and interpretation can evolve over time. Their principles and spirit matter more than their literal wording, and sometimes improving Wikipedia requires making an exception.” In a similar spirit, there is a rule stating that instruction creep should be avoided and that pettifogging is not welcome. One policy, which describes what Wikipedia is not, insists that Wikipedia is not a bureaucracy. ** [[w:Dariusz Jemielniak|Dariusz Jemielniak]], [http://www.slate.com/articles/technology/future_tense/2014/06/wikipedia_s_bureaucracy_problem_and_how_to_fix_it.html "The Unbearable Bureaucracy of Wikipedia"] in ''Slate'', (22 June 2014) * Whether or not ''Wikipedia'' has managed to attain the authority level of traditional encyclopaedias, it has undoubtedly become a model of what the collaborative Internet community can and cannot do. ** The Editors of Encyclopædia Britannica, "[http://www.britannica.com/topic/Wikipedia Wikipedia]", ''Encyclopædia Britannica'', (28 October 2014) * Most have simply washed their hands of the problem, claiming that the bigotry or bias on Wikipedia is just an unfortunate side-effect that we have to accept. But this is not a trivial unintended consequence of an open source system; bias goes against the very principle of Wikipedia and must be addressed. I have to deal with this bias and misinformation every time a journalist interviews me and references my Wikipedia article. I need to spend the first 30 minutes of interviews to correct all the misleading information from my Wikipedia article... Most of the skeptic editors on my article believe me to be a very dangerous man — and believe that it is Wikipedia's responsibility to warn the world of how dangerous my ideas are. ** Deepak Chopra, [https://www.huffpost.com/entry/wikipedia-a-new-perspecti_b_5332504 Wikipedia, A New Perspective on an Old Problem], (05/15/2014) * The prime agent of this change is a development that nobody (save perhaps [[Douglas Adams]], author of ''The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy'') would have predicted.<ref>“Most of the actual work got done by any passing stranger who happened to wander into the empty offices of an afternoon and saw something worth doing.” Douglas Adams, ''Life, the Universe and Everything'' in ''[[The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy|The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy: A Trilogy in Four Parts]]'' (Pan, 1992)</ref> It is called Wikipedia—an online encyclopedia collectively produced and edited by 'amateurs' who have created what is effectively the greatest reference work the world has yet produced. :Footnote: {{reflist}} :* [[w:John Naughton|John Naughton]] in: ''From Gutenberg to Zuckerberg: Disruptive Innovation in the Age of the Internet'', Quercus, 2012, Chapter 3, page 65 ===== "Encyclopedia Frown" (Dec 11, 2014) ===== <small> David Auerbach, [https://slate.com/technology/2014/12/wikipedia-editing-disputes-the-crowdsourced-encyclopedia-has-become-a-rancorous-sexist-mess.html "Encyclopedia Frown"], ''Slate'', (Dec 11, 2014) </small> * Beneath its reasonably serene surface, the website can be as ugly and bitter as [[w:4chan|4chan]] and as mind-numbingly bureaucratic as a [[Kafka]] story. And it can be particularly unwelcoming to women. *The problem instead stems from the fact that administrators and longtime editors have developed a fortress mentality in which they see new editors as dangerous intruders who will wreck their beautiful encyclopedia, and thus antagonize and even persecute them. * We can learn a lot from Wikipedia about Internet governance and collective knowledge-building. It’s ultimately up to the site’s editors to choose to learn to temper their fortress mentality, get more outside eyes and ears, listen to the most moderate and reflective among them, and perhaps even entertain the idea that they might sometimes be wrong. Wikipedia’s future may depend on it. * Wikipedia is amazing. But it’s become a rancorous, sexist, elitist, stupidly bureaucratic mess. * Last week, Wikipedia’s highest court, the Arbitration Committee, composed of 12 elected volunteers who serve one- or two-year terms, handed down a decision in a controversial case having to do with the site’s self-formed Gender Gap Task Force, the goal of which is to increase female participation on Wikipedia from its current 10 percent to 25 percent by the end of next year. The dispute, which involved ongoing hostility from a handful of prickly longtime editors, had simmered for at least 18 months. In the end, the only woman in the argument, pro-GGTF libertarian feminist Carol Moore, was indefinitely banned from all of Wikipedia over her uncivil comments toward a group of male editors, whom she at one point dubbed “the Manchester Gangbangers and their cronies/minions.” ====2015==== * And then there's Wikipedia – astroturf's dream come true. Billed as the free encyclopedia that anyone can edit, the reality can't be more different. Anonymous Wikipedia editors control and co-opt pages on behalf of special interests. They forbid and reverse edits that go against their agenda. They skew and delete information, in blatant violation of Wikipedia's own established policies, with impunity – always superior to the poor schleps who actually believe anyone can edit Wikipedia, only to discover they're barred from correcting even the simplest factual inaccuracies. Try adding a footnoted fact, or correcting a factual error on one of these monitored Wikipedia pages, then poof! Sometimes within a matter of seconds you'll find your edit is reversed. ** [[w:Sharyl Attkisson|Sharyl Attkisson]] in her TED^xUniversityofNevada talk "[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-bYAQ-ZZtEU Astroturf and manipulation of media messages]", published 6 February 2015 on ''YouTube'', quoted by Sarah Chaffee in [https://evolutionnews.org/2017/11/wikipedia-and-astroturf/ ''Wikipedia'' and “Astroturf”], ''Evolution News'', (30 November 2017) * Could the pressure from mobile, and the internal tensions, tear Wikipedia apart? A world without it seems unimaginable, but consider the fate of other online communities. ... The real challenges for Wikipedia are to resolve the governance disputes – the tensions among foundation employees, longtime editors trying to protect their prerogatives, and new volunteers trying to break in – and to design a mobile-oriented editing environment. ... The worst scenario is an end to Wikipedia, not with a bang but with a whimper: a long, slow decline in participation, accuracy and usefulness that is not quite dramatic enough to jolt the community into making meaningful reforms. No effort in history has gotten so much information at so little cost into the hands of so many – a feat made all the more remarkable by the absence of profit and owners. In an age of Internet giants, this most selfless of websites is worth saving. ** [[Andrew Lih]], ''[https://www.nytimes.com/2015/06/21/opinion/can-wikipedia-survive.html Can Wikipedia Survive?]'', ''{{w|The New York Times}}'', (20 June 2015) * When Wikipedia launched, it raised immediate concerns about the sanctity of accreditation – could knowledge be created by amateurs? But its steady rise in utility meant that, in time, nearly everyone made their peace with it – some more happily than others. ** Paul Ford, "[https://newrepublic.com/article/122954/chaotic-wisdom-wikipedia-paragraphs The Chaotic Wisdom of Wikipedia Paragraphs]", ''New Republic'', (8 October 2015) * The Wikimedia Foundation has gotten far off track. Every year, it builds its campaign around a budget many millions larger than the year before. ** Pete Forsyth in [http://enterprise.vnews.com/2015/12/06/wikipedia-has-lots-of-money/ “Wikipedia Has Lots of Money”], by Caitlin Dewey, ''The Washington Post'', (6 December 2015) * If you're selling to customers that you're familiar and competent with new media, and you can't manage something like Wikipedia, that's a failure. ** Pete Forsyth of Wiki Strategies, [http://observer.com/2015/12/sunshine-sachs-wikipedia-whitewash/ "The Big Oops: Sunshine Sachs' Wikipedia Whitewash"], ''Observer News'', (17 December 2015) * It is clear that our deep state is obsessed with controlling information and moulding it to fit its narrative. On Wikipedia, a number of 'users' and 'editors' have been planted to ensure that only Pakistan's official stance or the Nazaria-e-Pakistan [ideology of Pakistan] is reflected in the pages on Pakistan. Consequently, the pages on Pakistan's history read like a secondary school Pakistan Studies textbook... All alternative views on Pakistan's constitution, role of religion and federalism are stifled by this group...If one were to venture a guess it would be that these manipulators of the Pakistani narrative on sites like Wikipedia and others are operating out of some nondescript building in Islamabad's G sectors [where Pakistani intelligence agencies are located]. ** Yasser Latif Hamdani, [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Wikipedia_Signpost/2015-02-18/In_the_media#Are_Pakistan_articles_being_manipulated.3 "Manipulating the Pakistani narrative"], ''Daily Times'', (02/18/2015) ====2016==== [[File:India Nigeria Locator.png|thumb|right|In India and Nigeria, over 75% of participants said they had never heard of Wikipedia. ~&nbsp;Zachary McCune (Wikimedia Foundation)]] * A lot of students write a paper for a class, and eventually it winds up in the dustbin. When students write an article for Wikipedia, they have to learn to collaborate, to research and to write for a popular audience, and their work will benefit the millions of people using the site. ** [[w:How Wikipedia Works|Phoebe Ayers]], [http://news.mit.edu/2016/phoebe-ayers-wikipedia-erasmus-prize-0105 "MIT Libraries' Phoebe Ayers accepts Erasmus Prize on behalf of Wikipedia"], ''MIT News'' (5 January 2016) * Linux and Wikipedia (as well as other, less known achievements) show unambiguously that the idea of requiring any kind of payment for great tools, culture, or knowledge to come into being is an utter falsehood. ** [[w:Rick Falkvinge|Rick Falkvinge]], [https://torrentfreak.com/copyright-industry-rhetoric-ignores-the-existence-of-linux-and-wikipedia-011016/ "Copyright industry rhetoric ignores the existence of Linux and Wikipedia"], ''TorrentFreak'', (10 January 2016) * For a website with no paid writing staff that is still overcoming an out-of-date reputation for inaccuracy, Wikipedia punches above its weight. ...it is especially powerful in an election season: On the day of the 2012 election, Barack Obama's and Mitt Romney's entries alone were read 1.6 million times. [...] you can see a virtual version of the presidential race playing out every day. ** Jeremy B. Merrill, [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/02/02/us/politics/wikipedia-donald-trump-2016-election.html?_r=0 "On Wikipedia, Donald Trump Reigns and Facts Are Open to Debate"], (1 February 2016) * It turns out there are people, typically they're probably unemployed kids with student debt you know that are stuck in their parents' basement with Cheetos stains on their t-shirts that haven't been able to get their first job so what they do is they play games to see how long they can edit Wikipedia pages in order to have games with their friends all around the world. So my advice to you is, if you do have a Wikipedia page, check it once in a while... ** {{cite web | author = [[w:Jeb Bush|Jeb Bush]] | date = 8 February 2016 | title= Jeb Bush Remarks in Nashua, New Hampshire | url = http://www.c-span.org/video/?404395-1/jeb-bush-remarks-nashua-new-hampshire | work = C-SPAN }} * ... what Wikipedia and Facebook teach us is that social models of content curation and collaboration '''''do''''' scale. ...organisations will increasingly need to crowd-source a lot of their meta-data. ... In other words, [organisations] will need to build a Corporate Data Catalogue that looks and feels a lot like Wikipedia, but which borrows the “like” and “share” concepts from Facebook. ** Martin Willcox, [http://www.forbes.com/sites/teradata/2016/03/11/what-enterprise-information-management-can-learn-from-facebook-and-wikipedia/#694af7c027e4 What Enterprise Information Management Can Learn From Facebook And Wikipedia], ''Forbes/ Business'', (11 March 2016) * Wikipedia is the most comprehensive compendium of up-to-date knowledge assembled at gargantuan scale almost entirely by volunteers. It works, too, because they form a huge community that for reasons of camaraderie, rivalry, vanity, purity and sometimes just deep suspicion constantly monitor and vet one another's work. There are flaws in the process, but each entry is a living organism that matures and self-corrects over time. ** [[w:Bob Garfield|Bob Garfield]], [http://www.mediapost.com/publications/article/271066/revenue-who-needs-revenue.html Revenue? Who Needs Revenue?], ''Garfield at Large'', ''MediaPost'', (14 March 2016) * Wikipedia is an exceptional case. If we can figure out how it becomes sustainable, that would be a major contribution. Because it's a new way of managing human resources. ** Aleksi Aaltonen of [[w:Warwick Business School|Warwick Business School]], in [http://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2016/03/wikipedia-cumulative-growth-effect/473994/ "Wikipedia and the Momentum of Tiny Edits"], by ''Adrienne Lafrance'', ''[[w:The Atlantic|The Atlantic]]'', (16 March 2016) * We thought, let's not fight Wikipedia, but instead teach students to use it better. ** Ashley Downs in [http://news.cornell.edu/stories/2016/03/cornell-takes-big-red-pen-wikipedia-life-sciences-content Cornell takes big red pen to Wikipedia life sciences content], by Amruta Byatnal, ''CornellChronicle'', (22 March 2016) * About a decade ago I migrated into community work from a non-community background. This is the guide I wish I had read back then. When I say community work, I am talking about stuff like Wikipedia: large distributed groups of people doing something together, usually online, often unpaid. Usually international, often nerdy, often (but not always) FLOSS or FLOSS-adjacent. ** [[Sue Gardner]] [https://suegardner.org "A little guide to working with online communities"], ''Suegardner.org'', (March 21, 2016) * ...people have talked about [[:w:Open-source governance|open politics]] and things like that, and its really hard sometimes to say that yes, you can apply the same principles in some other areas... <!--just because [...] the black and white turns into not just grey but different colours. Right?--> So, obviously open source in science is making a comeback. Science was there first. But then science ended up by being pretty closed with very expensive journals and some of that going on. And open source is making a comeback in science with things like arXiv<!--?--> and open journals. Wikipedia changed the world too. ... So there are other examples. I am sure there are more to come. ... It is up to you guys to make them. ** [[Linus Torvalds]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o8NPllzkFhE interview with TED curator Chris Anderson], ''TED Talks'', (3 May 2016) * Like many university lecturers, I used to warn my own students off using Wikipedia (as pointless an injunction as telling them not to use Google, or not to leave their essay to the last minute). I finally gave up doing so about three years ago,... ** Peter Thonemann, [http://www.the-tls.co.uk/articles/public/encyclopedic-knowledge/ "The all-conquering Wikipedia?"], ''The Times Literary Supplement'', (25 May 2016) * Two years before Wikipedia, I had the dream, the vision, of a free encyclopedia written by volunteers in all the languages of the world. This inspiration came to me from watching the growth of free software, [[w:Open-source software|open-source software]], as most people know it. And watching programmers coming together and giving away their work for free online. ** Jimmy Wales interviewed by Joe Pascal, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p4_G9Z40GIE "Founder of Wikipedia Jimmy Wales on Creating Wikipedia"], ''YouTube'', (June 2016) * In [[India]] and [[Nigeria]], over 75% of participants said they had never heard of Wikipedia. ** Zachary McCune (Wikimedia Foundation), [https://blog.wikimedia.org/2016/10/11/discovering-wikipedia/ "People all over the world have yet to discover Wikipedia. We went to them to find out why."], ''Wikimedia blog'', (11 October 2016) * Progress has been slow, but several independent ventures show how the attitudes of major players in the biomedical ecosystem are beginning to shift further, and take Wikipedia more seriously. ** Thomas Shafee, [http://www.huffingtonpost.com/the-conversation-global/wikipedia-is-already-the_b_12538740.html “Wikipedia is already the world's ‘Dr Google' - it's time for doctors and researchers to make it better”], The Blog, ''Huffington Post'', (18 October 2016) * Regardless, this new research shows that Wikipedia editors of different opinions have strived for consensus over time. That's opposed to Facebook or Twitter, where people are siloed into their own self-reinforcing echo chambers. ... Consider this a version of the “miracle of aggregation” – that large groups of people are able to act rationally and solve problems despite having vastly different interests. ** Robert Gebelhoff, [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/in-theory/wp/2016/10/19/science-shows-wikipedia-is-the-best-part-of-the-internet “Science shows Wikipedia is the best part of the Internet”], ''The Washington Post'', (19 October 2016) ====2017==== [[File:Larry Sanger cropped.jpg|thumb|right|As the originator of [the neutrality policy,] I completely despair of persuading Wikipedians of the error of their ways. ~&nbsp;[[Larry Sanger]] ]] * ...phishing on Wikipedia is effective enough – and lucrative enough – to retain the interest of the dark net's richest dwellers. ... Although Wikipedia's editors work to root out the false links, it's a slow and never-ending fight. ** Patrick O'Neill, [https://www.cyberscoop.com/dark-net-crooks-wage-easy-profitable-phishing-war-wikipedia/ Dark net crooks wage an easy and profitable phishing scheme on Wikipedia], ''Cyberscoop'' (27 January 2017) * The researchers [...] found that the Wikipedia entries were written at a much higher reading level compared with the medication guides and well above the average consumer reading level, which could contribute to patient misunderstanding of medication information. ... The study authors conclude that as the public use of Wikipedia increases, the need for health care professionals and the pharmaceutical industry to actively educate and provide reliable resources to patients remains important. ** Mary Warner, [https://www.pharmacist.com/article/japha-study-shows-incomplete-and-inaccurate-patient-drug-information-wikipedia JAPhA study shows incomplete and inaccurate patient drug information on Wikipedia], ''pharmacist.com'', (30 January 2017) * Page views of Wikipedia are immense compared with views of primary literature articles. As a result, if you edit a page to include results from your research, your audience will likely expand by at least an order of magnitude. ** Evan B. Goldstein, [https://eos.org/opinions/three-reasons-why-earth-scientists-should-edit-wikipedia “Three Reasons Why Earth Scientists Should Edit Wikipedia”], ''eos.org'', (27 January 2017) * For the record the Daily Mail banned all its journalists from using Wikipedia as a sole source in 2014 because of its unreliability. ** Spokesman for Mail Newspapers, [https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2017/feb/08/wikipedia-bans-daily-mail-as-unreliable-source-for-website Wikipedia bans Daily Mail as 'unreliable' source], by Jasper Jackson, ''The Guardian'', (8 February 2017) * The fate that befell the Mail happened for one reason, and one reason alone: it's terrible, and by banning it, Wikipedia sends a message that it values its credibility. ** Matthew Hughes, [https://thenextweb.com/insider/2017/02/09/wikipedia-just-banned-contributors-citing-daily-mail-source/ “Wikipedia just banned contributors from citing the Daily Mail as a source”], ''Insider'', (10 February 2017) * Wikipedians this week added greatly to the amusement of the internet after around 40 contributors loftily declared that the Daily Mail was not a reliable source for citations. Much public hilarity ensued – for the reason that The Mail and Wikipedia are really far more alike than either would care to admit. ... Both can resemble a real chamber of horrors. ** Andrew Orlowski, [https://www.theregister.co.uk/2017/02/13/the_mail_vs_wikipedia_more_alike_than_theyd_ever_admit/ The Mail vs Wikipedia: They're more alike than they'd ever admit], ''The Register'', (13 February 2017) * However clumsy the Youth Parliament's approach to Wikipedia may be, it's still an improvement on a government order issued by Prime Minister Dmitry Medvedev last August, when he established a working group to study the creation of an all new Russian-engineered Wikipedia clone. ** Kevin Rothrock, [https://globalvoices.org/2017/02/24/russian-government-youth-group-wants-to-make-wikipedia-more-patriotic/ “Russian Government Youth Group Wants to Make Wikipedia More Patriotic], ''Global Voices'', (24 February 2017) * ...for an organisation that calls itself a ‘small non-profit' business and begs users for donations (‘the price of a cup of coffee') to keep it afloat, it enjoys bulging cash reserves. The Foundation's accounts show it has assets of more than $90 million (£73 million), and spent $31 million (£25 million) in salaries last year, up from $26 million (£21 million) the year before. ... Are these amounts not excessive? ** Guy Adams, [http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4280502/Anonymous-Wikipedia-activists-promote-warped-agenda.html “The making of a Wiki-Lie: Chilling story of one twisted oddball and a handful of anonymous activists who appointed themselves as censors to promote their own warped agenda on a website that's a byword for inaccuracy”], ''The Daily Mail'', (4 March 2017) * ...this ban has set a dangerous precedent, raising profoundly troubling questions about free speech and censorship in the online era. ...a social media giant whose pages are riddled with inaccuracies, unilaterally deciding, at the request of a handful of people, that a major newspaper is somehow not valid. ** Guy Adams, [http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4280502/Anonymous-Wikipedia-activists-promote-warped-agenda.html “The making of a Wiki-Lie: Chilling story of one twisted oddball and a handful of anonymous activists who appointed themselves as censors to promote their own warped agenda on a website that's a byword for inaccuracy”], ''The Daily Mail'', (4 March 2017) * False information is being disseminated at a far greater rate when it seems to have been vetted by a brand name and Wikipedia's branding is global. It would be ideal if a more credible site like Encyclopedia Britannica or a useful news site like Reuters could be granted the “zero-rate” – but those sites [...] do [not] have the same foundational interest in spreading their content without financial gain that Wikipedia has. ** Jillian Sequeira, [https://lawstreetmedia.com/blogs/technology-blog/wikipedia-zero/ The Strange Case of Wikipedia Zero], ''Law Street'', (5 March 2017) * Wikipedia, as it is currently run, is simply and literally out of control, and a potential menace to all kinds of institutions and individuals. This is an organisation that – quite scandalously – polices itself, judges itself, and legitimises itself. It is always right because it decides what is right. You are always wrong because it decides what is wrong. ... And it has power without responsibility or accountability. ... It is high time this arrogant, self-admiring, self-regulating, often bullying organisation be placed under the formal supervision of an independent watchdog. ** [[w:Graham McCann|Graham McCann]], [http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4307480/Writers-reveal-Wikipedia-s-insidious-Kafkaesque-control.html “WIKI-LIES (Cont...) It's the self-policing web encyclopaedia that has banned the Mail as a source. But as these deeply disturbing accounts reveal, its pages are littered with inaccuracies - and God help the victims who dare complain”], ''Daily Mail'', (13 March 2017) * I fear we are moving beyond a natural skepticism regarding expert claims to the death of the ideal of expertise itself: a Google-fueled, Wikipedia-based, blog-sodden collapse of any division between professionals and laypeople, teachers and students, knowers and wonderers – in other words, between those with achievement in an area and those with none. ** [[w:Tom Nichols (academic)|Tom Nichols]] in [https://fbkfinanzwirtschaft.wordpress.com/2017/02/18/how-america-lost-faith-in-expertise-and-why-thats-a-giant-problem/ “How America Lost Faith in Expertise – And Why That's a Giant Problem”], ''Foreign Affairs'', (March/April 2017) * Despite being an American-born site, its popularity and utility have expanded around the world since its foundation in 2001. ** Maria Barrios, [http://www.theupcoming.co.uk/2017/05/11/a-world-without-wikipedia/ “A world without Wikipedia?”], ''TheUpComing'', (11 May 2017) * Wikipedia has often been treated by news organizations like the black sheep of the information business. ... But as trust in the media wanes and news organizations struggle to engage with readers, Wikipedia has emerged as a leader in transparency and user growth... ** Rebecca Iannucci, [https://www.poynter.org/2017/what-can-fact-checkers-learn-from-wikipedia-we-asked-the-boss-of-its-nonprofit-owner/465634/ “What can fact-checkers learn from Wikipedia? We asked the boss of its nonprofit owner”], ''Poynter'', (6 July 2017) * The cyber age has tremendous potential, as indicated by Wikipedia. But if it bypasses space and time where there's just this obsession with the present – this neglect of our heritage and history – then our world will change. ** [[w:Anthony Kennedy|Anthony Kennedy]] on 24 July 2017 at the [http://www.salzburgglobal.org/topics/article/justice-anthony-kennedy-speaks-at-salzburg-academy-on-media-and-global-change.html “Salzburg Global Seminar”], Austria, ''Salzburg Academy of Media and Global Change'', (25 July 2017) * For the benefit of Wales as a nation, it is crucial that Wikipedia contains a wealth of knowledge about its history and culture and that the range of articles on the [[w:Welsh Wikipedia|Welsh language Wicipedia]] covers the widest possible range of subjects. ** Pedr ap Llwyd, director of collections and public programmes at [[w:National Library of Wales|National Library of Wales]], in [http://businessnewswales.com/uk-first-national-library-wales-appoints-wikimedian/ “UK First as National Library of Wales Appoints Wikimedian”] by Dan Foulkes, ''BusinessNewsWales'', (8 August 2017) * Unlike some commercial companies, Wikimedia has no incentive to cave into authoritarian demands to self-censor. ** John Lubbock (Wikimedia Foundation), [https://www.opendemocracy.net/digitaliberties/john-lubbock/authoritarian-governments-hate-wikipedia-which-is-exactly-why-you-should-get-involved “Authoritarian governments hate Wikipedia, which is why you should get involved”], ''OpenDemocracy'', (11 August 2017) * The online crowd-sourced encyclopedia is perceived as increasingly trustworthy, [...] with immediate impacts on scientific literacy. ** Thomas Shafee, et al. [http://science.sciencemag.org/content/357/6351/557.2/tab-pdf Academics can help shape Wikipedia], ''Science'', Vol. 357, Issue 6351, pp. 557-558, (11 August 2017) * Wikipedia, like other new, non-commercial information technologies, can be used to open new public spaces for [indigenous] languages, and gradually recover the ground lost to more dominant languages. ... However, the representation of indigenous languages on the platform is very low,... [In [[:w:Latin America|Latin America]] indigenous communities speak 420 different languages.] To date, only four official indigenous-language versions are represented: [[:w:Quechuan languages|Quechua]] ..., [[:w:Nahuatl|Náhuatl]] ..., [[:w:Aymara language|Aymara]] ... and [[:w:Guarani language|Guaraní]]. ** Rodrigo Pérez, [https://rising.globalvoices.org/blog/2017/09/06/the-prospects-for-the-sum-of-all-human-knowledge-in-wikipedia-in-indigenous-languages/ The Prospects for the Sum of All Human Knowledge in Wikipedia in Indigenous Languages], ''Global Voices'' – ''RisingVoices'', (6 September 2017) * As the originator of and the first person to elaborate [[w:Wikipedia:Neutral point of view|Wikipedia's neutrality policy]], and as an [[Agnosticism|agnostic]] who believes [[intelligent design]] to be completely wrong, I just have to say that this article is appallingly biased. ... I'm not here to argue the point, as I completely despair of persuading Wikipedians of the error of their ways. ** [[Larry Sanger]], [[w:Talk:Intelligent_design#My $0.02 on the issue of bias|My $0.02 on the issue of bias]], Wikipedia talk page: [[w:Intelligent design|Intelligent design]], (8 December 2017) * In many ways Wikipedia pioneered the [fake news] phenomenon, and journalists' lazy reliance on using it as a source helped falsities to propagate on a scale never seen before. ** [[w:Andrew Orlowski|Andrew Orlowski]], [https://www.theregister.co.uk/2017/12/12/jimmy_wales_fake_news_keynote/ “Why is Wikipedia man Jimbo Wales keynoting a fake news conference?”], ''The Register'', (12 December 2017) * As we are trying to deal with all this terrorism, [Wikipedia] makes us look like we work with terror groups. ** [[w:Ahmet Arslan (politician)|Ahmet Arslan]], [http://www.hurriyetdailynews.com/wikipedia-should-blame-itself-for-ban-in-turkey-minister-124352 Wikipedia has itself to blame for ban in Turkey: Minister], ''Hürriyet Daily News'', (18 December 2017) ====2018==== * But on Wikipedia, as in the real world, the users with the deepest technical knowledge of firearms are also the most fervent gun owners and the most hostile to gun control. For critics, that’s led to a persistent pro-gun bias on the web’s leading source of neutral information at a time when the gun control debate is more heated than ever. ** {{cite news |title=How gun buffs took over Wikipedia’s AR-15 page; After Parkland, gun control information was strangely hard to find |first=Russell |last=Brandom |date=March 6, 2018 |accessdate=March 9, 2018 |url=https://www.theverge.com/2018/3/6/17086794/ar-15-wikipedia-gun-control-parkland-mass-shooting |work=[[w:The Verge|The Verge]] |publisher=[[w:Vox Media|Vox Media]]}} * Wikipedia is basically a format in which people who hate you can go into your ... , I don't even know what you call these, into the search of your name, and then there I have a profile of sorts, into my profiler page, and poison it. ... "Views on political issues, groups and politicians" – [...] what happened between 2009 and 2017? Well, doesn't matter. ... What was my context for [calling [[Bernie Sanders]] a "radical Marxist who believes in violence"]? They don't even discuss it, the [[w:2017 Congressional baseball shooting|shooting in Alexandria]]. ... [That paragraph] is all mickey mouse stuff. It is cut and paste cherry picking. ... I've written about [progressivism] in great length, but not a word in my "political views". ... Who has a section on "controversial views"? It is as if it is written by ''[[w:Media Matters for America|Media Matters]]''. ... "Levin compared supporters of the [[w:Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act|Affordable Care Act]] to Nazi [[w:Sturmabteilung|brown shirts]]." ... No I didn't! Completely taken out of context! ... If you want to know about me, you should go as far away from the Wikipedia page as possible... ... What they're supposed to do, if they're a responsible organisation, is to get the basic information on me [...] and lock it so that miscreants and malcontents can't abuse and post it. ... Very, very dishonest information in there. ... The book reviews are scores positive, maybe one or two negative by leftists and so forth. You would have no idea reading their comments about my books on Wikipedia. ** [[w:Mark Levin|Mark Levin]] in [https://soundcloud.com/conservativereview/mark-levin-avoid-wikipedia-like-the-plague Mark Levin: Avoid Wikipedia like the plague], Chris Pandolfo, ''Conservative Review'', (19 January 2018) * Why is Wikipedia so good? I'm not sure, but part of it is the internal review process started by Jimmy Wales. Other Wikis fail miserably; I no longer look at [[w:WikiAnswers|WikiAnswers]], because I rarely get good help from it. So a publicly edited encyclopedia isn't obviously going to work, but somehow Wikipedia pulled it off. ** [[w:Richard A. Muller|Richard Muller]] in [https://www.forbes.com/sites/quora/2018/03/01/im-a-college-professor-and-this-is-why-i-encourage-my-students-to-use-wikipedia/#5e204d527289 I'm A College Professor, And This Is Why I Encourage My Students To Use Wikipedia], Tech / #OnCampus, ''Forbes'', (1 March 2018) * [[Facebook]]'s introduction of a new feature that uses [Wikipedia] to combat “[[fake news]]” [...] poses arguably the greatest test in years to the volunteer-run online encyclopedia, constituting a massive threat to the internet's largest and ostensibly most trusted source of free knowledge. ... It also highlights the risks posed by Facebook's efforts to seemingly outsource its problems to the online encyclopedia. Indeed, Wikipedia has struggled to defend its standards in the face of its new role as the internet's “good cop.” As more and more tech giants like Facebook and YouTube make use of its content, a new influx of users has flooded the website [–] not all of them well intentioned. ** Omer Benjakob in [https://www.haaretz.com/us-news/.premium-breitbart-declares-war-on-wikipedia-in-facebook-s-fight-against-fake-news-1.5991915 Breitbart Declares War on Wikipedia as Encyclopedia Gets Drafted Into Facebook's 'Fake News' Battle], ''Haaretz'', (11 April 2018) * I'd argue that Wikipedia's biggest asset is its willingness as a community and website to “delete.” It's that simple. If there's bad information, or info that's just useless, Wikipedia's regulatory system has the ability to discard it. ** Brian A. Feldman in [http://nymag.com/selectall/2018/03/why-wikipedia-works.html Why Wikipedia Works], select/all, ''New York Magazine'' (16 March 2018) * Communities of so-called “amateur experts” linked together by shared interests are the bread and butter of Wikipedia. The online encyclopedia actively encourages editors to congregate in “projects” and “portals” covering hundreds of articles that all fall under a single broad topic. ... So while it's easy to lament the dangers of the Wikipedia gun lobby, it is important to remember that groups with competing worldviews are what fuel the crowdsourced encyclopedia – where the question of what is true is always secondary to the question of what the community of different users can agree on as being true. ** Omer Benjakob in [https://www.haaretz.com/life/how-firearm-enthusiasts-control-what-you-read-about-guns-on-wikipedia-1.5910470 “Gun Enthusiasts Are Waging a War of Attrition on Wikipedia, and It Looks Like They're Winning”], ''Haaretz'', (18 March 2018) * With its nationalist sentiments, factual mistakes, lack of academic references and omitted facts about World War II history, Croatian Wikipedia is not a reliable source, analysts have told BIRN. ** Sven Milekic in [http://www.balkaninsight.com/en/article/how-croatian-wikipedia-made-a-concentration-camp-disappear-03-23-2018 “How Croatian Wikipedia Made a Concentration Camp Disappear”], ''BIRN'', (23 March 2018) * When [people] get their information not from us – but [...] through something like Siri or [...] Alexa – that opportunity to either contribute back as an editor is broken, and that opportunity to contribute, to donate is also broken. ** Lisa Gruwell in [https://techcrunch.com/2018/03/24/are-corporations-that-use-wikipedia-giving-back/ Are corporations that use wikipedia giving back?] by Brian Heater, ''techcrunch.com'', (24 March 2018) * The [[w:Los Angeles Times|Los Angeles Times]], the [[w:Wall Street Journal|Wall Street Journal]], and the [[w:The New Yorker|New Yorker]] reported incorrectly last month that [[w:Mike Pompeo|Pompeo]] was an Army officer who served in the [[w:Gulf War|1991 Gulf War]]. ... The situation shows how much major media outlets have come to rely on Wikipedia, a crowd-sourced encyclopedia run by the [[w:Wikimedia Foundation|Wikimedia Foundation]], a non-profit that employs less than 300 people. ** Heather Timmons & David Yanofsky in [https://qz.com/1258418/mike-pompeos-gulf-war-service-lie-started-on-wikipedia/ “A lie about Mike Pompeo's Gulf War service started with an anonymous Wikipedia edit”], ''Quartz'', (21 April 2018) * On January 2, 2018, MBH participant published statistics on peak views of [[Russian]] Wikipedia articles in 2017. :Each article of the free encyclopedia is visited almost evenly from day to day. Smooth fluctuations are associated with the total traffic to Wikipedia, as well as various global cycles, for example, calendar - annual, weekly and others. :* [https://ru.wikinews.org/wiki/Пики_Русской_Википедии_в_2017_году Пики Русской Википедии в 2017 году], (4 января 2018 года) * ... Wikipedia is just ''one'' type of online community, which appeals to a fairly narrow (geeky, combative male) demographic. And, importantly, it ''doesn't'' appeal to many other demographics. ... if, as inevitably happens in such a place, some people get impatient and upset at [the] unfair treatment, they must tolerate the passive-aggressive condescension of the basement-dwellers who inform them, apparently with no awareness of the ironies involved, that courtesy is an absolute requirement. ** [[Larry Sanger]] in [https://thenextweb.com/contributors/2018/04/21/wikipedia-co-founders-8000-word-essay-build-better-wikipedia/ “Wikipedia co-founder's 8,000-word essay on how to build a better Wikipedia”], ''TNW'', (23 April 2018) * In this era where we've seen the rise of these [[fake news]] websites and so forth, Wikipedia has had almost no problems with this at all. Simply because our community is quite – you know, it's their hobby to debate about the quality of sources, and it's very difficult to fool the Wikipedia community with this. ** [[Jimmy Wales]] in [http://kacu.org/post/wikipedia-founder-says-internet-users-are-adrift-fake-news-era Wikipedia Founder Says Internet Users Are Adrift In The 'Fake News' Era], by [[w:Ari Shapiro|Ari Shapiro]], ''kacu.org'', (28 April 2018) * [Wikipedia's Arbitration Committee], which typically decides matters of user behavior, not content, doesn't lean left or right. Occasionally you could say there are people who are stricter or more lenient in terms of the spirit of the law or letter of the law. ** [[w:Ira Brad Matetsky|Ira Matetsky]], quoted and paraphrased in [https://news.law.fordham.edu/blog/2018/05/07/the-15-people-who-keep-wikipedias-editors-from-killing-each-other/ “The 15 People Who Keep Wikipedia's Editors from Killing Each Other”], ''Fordham Law News'', (7 May 2018) * ... independent bloggers Markus Fiedler and Dirk Pohlmann have found [that Wikipedia's] 'freely editable' model definitely doesn't mean an absence of censorship and biased political activism. ...the online encyclopedia is home to a major edit war where corrections are constantly added, information removed, and value judgements made to fit a specific narrative. ... [An inner circle of manipulators] are referees and players combined into one. ** Fiedler and Pohlmann quoted in [https://sputniknews.com/analysis/201806011065003782-investigation-finds-roots-of-wikipedia-bias/ “Like Foxes Guarding the Henhouse: How Public Opinion is Manipulated on Wikipedia”], ''sputniknews.com'', (1 June 2018) * Deeply inappropriate for the European Commission to be lobbying publicly *and* misleading the public in this way. ... the Wikipedia community is not so narrow minded as to let the rest of the Internet suffer just because we are big enough that they try to throw us a bone. Justice matters. ** [[Jimmy Wales]] as quoted in [https://techcrunch.com/2018/07/04/wikipedia-goes-dark-in-spanish-italian-ahead-of-key-eu-vote-on-copyright/ “Wikipedia goes dark in Spanish, Italian ahead of key EU vote on copyright”] by Natasha Lomas, ''techcrunch.com'', (4 July 2018) * ...Wikipedia has forced academics to re-examine how they validate sources. We should have been doing that all along. We should have been approaching an ''Encyclopaedia Britannica'' article with a certain level of distrust and questioning: What are the biases of people writing this? What are they leaving out? What communities are not included in this conversation? ** Royce Kimmons as quoted by Megan Zahneis in [https://www.chronicle.com/article/Some-Colleges-Cautiously/243968 “Some Colleges Cautiously Embrace Wikipedia”], ''The Chronicle of Higher Education'', (19 July 2018) * [Wikipedia's] worst failing, much like [[w:Today (BBC Radio 4)|BBC Radio 4's Today]] programme, is to portray subjects that are racked with unresolved controversy as if they were settled. ... and while I was inside it, it was a tiny, infuriating nightmare of [[totalitarianism]]. One day soon, I suspect this particular dream is all too likely to come true in the solid world. ** [[w:Peter Hitchens|Peter Hitchens]] in [https://www.spectator.co.uk/2018/08/war-of-words-my-battle-to-correct-wikipedia/ War of words: my battle to correct Wikipedia], ''The Spectator'', (18 August 2018) * [YouTube,] a megacorporation with billions of dollars and thousands of brilliant employees is relying on a volunteer-run platform anyone can edit to fact-check information? It is odd. But it's also a validation of Wikipedia's mission and a reminder of its importance. ** [[w:John Naughton|John Naughton]] in [https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2018/sep/02/in-hysterical-world-wikipedia-ray-of-light-truth “In a hysterical world, Wikipedia is a ray of light – and that's the truth”], ''The Guardian'', (2 September 2018) * [Wikipedia] is therefore a reflection of the world's biases more than it is a cause of them. ... If journalists, book publishers, scientific researchers, curators, academics, grant-makers and prize-awarding committees don't recognize the work of women, Wikipedia's editors have little foundation on which to build. ... We may not be able to change how society values women, but we can change how women are seen, and ensure that they are seen to begin with. ** [[w:Katherine Maher|Katherine Maher]] in [https://www.latimes.com/opinion/op-ed/la-oe-maher-wikipedia-gender-bias-20181018-story.html Wikipedia mirrors the world's gender biases, it doesn't cause them], ''Los Angeles Times'', (18 October 2018) * ... debilitating factors – such as excessive bickering and poorly worded arguments – have led to about one-third of RfCs [i.e. Request for Comment deliberation processes] going unresolved. ... the experience of participants and the length of a discussion are strongly predictive of the timely closure of an RfC. ** Rob Matheson paraphrasing Amy X. Zhang and co-authors in [http://news.mit.edu/2018/wikipedia-disputes-unresolved-study-1106 “Why some Wikipedia disputes go unresolved”], ''MIT News Office'', (6 November 2018) * Medical images and articles found on Wikipedia may help patients better understand their radiology reports, ... And despite both internal and external metrics concluding Wikipedia's health information to be variable in quality, but continually improving, the authors believe the website's detailed information could pair well with the lay-definitions housed within the PORTER [i.e. Patient-Oriented Radiology Reporter] glossary. ** Matt O'Connor paraphrasing T. Martin-Carreras and C. E. Kahn Jr. in [https://www.healthimaging.com/topics/imaging-informatics/wikipedia-improve-radiology-resources-patients Wikipedia articles, images may improve radiology resources for patients], ''HealthImaging'', (7 November 2018) * The magnitude of [Wikipedia's visitor] numbers piqued the interest of Matthew Kock, website manager of the prestigious British Museum in London. "I looked at how many [[w:Rosetta Stone|Rosetta Stone]] page views there were on Wikipedia... That is perhaps our iconic object, and five times as many people go to the Wikipedia article [...] as to ours." This realization inspired him to propose a novel idea to British Museum administrators – invite a Wikipedia contributor into the institution as the first ever "Wikipedian in Residence" to serve as a liaison within the Museum. Despite his fears about proposing collaboration with unknown and uncredentialled Wikipedia volunteers, [...] he met with enthusiastic interest from numerous departments at the museum. ** [[w:Andrew Lih|Andrew Lih]] in “Leveraging Wikipedia: Connecting Communities of Knowledge”, ''American Library Association'', (29 November 2018), p. 9 ====2019==== * Science Wikipedia pages aren't just for non-experts. Physicists – researchers, professors, and students – use Wikipedia daily. When I need the transition temperature for a Bose-Einstein condensate (prefactor and all), or when I want to learn about the details of an unfamiliar quantum algorithm, Wikipedia is my first stop. ... Despite [this], it is rare for professional physicists to contribute, in part because there are few, if any, professional incentives to do so. ... only a small fraction [of them] have edited even a single Wikipedia page. ** Kaden Hazzard in [https://blogs.plos.org/everyone/2019/01/04/onetopicpages/ “Peer-reviewed physics for Wikipedia: PLOS ONE Topic Pages”], ''Plos Blogs'', (4 January 2019) * Many professors are ditching the traditional writing assignment and instead asking students to expand or create a Wikipedia article on the topic. ** Stephen Harrison in [https://www.afr.com/news/economy/how-wikipedia-became-the-responsible-adult-of-the-internet-20190115-h1a2ub “How Wikipedia became the responsible adult of the internet”], ''Financial Review'', (15 January 2019) *Like other social media platforms, Wikipedia has evolved into an echo chamber where the user is presented with only one type of content instead of being shown a balanced narrative. This disinformation is powerful since the articles are written in an academic style and users do not see other sources that disagree with the article.... Some editors of Wikipedia are failed academics with demonic energy who wish to conquer anonymously what they were unable to do in their normal careers. And spending much of their working life editing Wikipedia articles and by the use of multiple anonymous handles they have obtained administrative status which entitles them to block opposing views. The anonymous persona of the editors and the low stakes have made Wikipedia politics much more vicious than real politics. **Subhash Kak, [https://medium.com/@subhashkak1/wikipedia-or-trashpedia-4198e2c78e59 “Wikipedia or Trashpedia?”], ''Medium.com'', (April 9, 2019) * Wikipedia is not going anywhere. It's definitely part of everyone's life. But the question of accuracy is one of the most important aspects of it. ... Our purpose here is not to evaluate whether Wikipedia is good or bad. ... It's not so much about warning people about what Wikipedia is. It's about showing what it is. ... Librarians are interested in trying to broaden our community's education with information in general, be it digital or otherwise. ** Lorie Kloda quoted in [https://montrealgazette.com/opinion/columnists/brownstein-wikipedia-to-get-respect-at-concordia-university Brownstein: Wikipedia to get respect at Concordia University] by Bill Brownstein, ''Montreal Gazette'', (16 January 2019) * Wikipedia's extreme form of democracy sounds even stranger in 2019 than it must have sounded in 2001. ** Caille Millner in [https://www.sfchronicle.com/entertainment/article/Wikipedia-hasn-t-lost-sight-of-its-mission-18-13543511.php “Wikipedia hasn't lost sight of its mission 18 years after launch”], ''San Francisco Chronicle'', (18 January 2019) * Wikipedia has become an ideological battleground in recent years, with zealots from both left and right using it to mock and smear their enemies. ** Jasper Hamill in [https://metro.co.uk/2019/01/22/sick-vandals-target-martin-luther-king-wikipedia-page-mlk-day-8372536/ “Sick vandals mark Martin Luther King Day with pornographic attack on Wikipedia page celebrating the great man”], ''Metro'', (22 January 2019) * Supporting Wikipedia is [...] a shrewd business decision that will likely benefit Google for years to come. ** Louise Matsakis in [https://www.wired.com/story/google-wikipedia-machine-learning-glow-languages/ “Google Gives Wikimedia Millions—Plus Machine Learning Tools”], ''Wired: Business'', (22 January 2019) * Whereas a true scientist, confronted with a glimpse of the unknown, would pursue the inexplicable, the Skeptics close their eyes and ears to anything that challenges their Newtonian world-view. Worse, armed with the formidable propaganda tool that is Wikipedia, they force their lack of curiosity on others, closing the lines of inquiry for millions who might otherwise be interested in pursuing some healing modality not fully explained by scientific orthodoxy. ** [[w:Gary Null|Gary Null]] and Helen Buyniski in [http://prn.fm/wikipedia-supporting-dark-side-medicine/ Wikipedia: Supporting the dark side of medicine?], ''PRN.FM'', (February 2019) * Wikipedians in residence (WIR) have been around since at least 2010, with the first one hired by the British Museum in the U.K. Since then, other museums as well as universities, archives, libraries, art galleries and health organizations, have followed suit with a total of 165 WIRs hired worldwide. According to the Wikimedia Foundation [...], right now 65 WIRs are actively working — and registered — with the foundation. ** Sharon Aschaiek in [https://www.universityaffairs.ca/news/news-article/advancing-academia-with-wikipedia/ “Advancing academia with Wikipedia”], ''University Affairs'', (26 February 2019) * Indeed, Fram seemed like the perfect test case for a new kind of enforcement from the foundation – a prolific user whose bad behavior warranted a severe sanction short of a lifetime ban. But as is the case in so many enforcement decisions on social platforms, the ban created more questions than it answered. ** Joseph Bernstein in [https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/josephbernstein/wikipedia-ban-editor-culture-war “The Culture War Has Finally Come For Wikipedia”], ''BuzzFeedNews'', (27 June 2019) * The real cause of the Fram flare-up wasn't the sudden overreach by the foundation, but the community's own laissez-faire attitude about toxic users. ... The community is currently blaming the foundation for their own mess, in my opinion, which was caused by our abject failure to develop procedures to enforce civility without Foundation intervention. ** User:BU Rob13, as quoted by Joseph Bernstein in [https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/josephbernstein/wikipedia-ban-editor-culture-war “The Culture War Has Finally Come For Wikipedia”], ''BuzzFeedNews'', (27 June 2019) * It’s been tradition that our communities are by and large self-governing, except for issues around child protection, threats of suicide, threats of violence, and legal matters. ** A ''veteran Wikipedia editor'' according to [https://slate.com/technology/2019/07/wikipedia-fram-banning-editor-controversy.html “Wikipedia’s “Constitutional Crisis” Pits Community Against Foundation”] in ''[[Slate Magazine]]'', (July 02, 2019) * The Commissioner sees the ongoing blocking of access to Wikipedia as forming part of a broader pattern of undue restrictions on the right to receive and impart information on the internet, and more generally as an illustration of the disproportionately heavy-handed approach currently prevailing in Turkey to any content or information the Turkish authorities consider offensive. ... Commissioner Mijatovic concludes that the way Turkish administrative authorities and courts routinely have recourse to internet blocking is unacceptable in a democratic society and not compatible with Article 10 of the European Convention on Human Rights which protects freedom of expression. ... The systemic nature of the problem requires far-reaching measures, including the complete overhaul of the relevant Turkish legislation. ** [[w:Dunja Mijatovic|Dunja Mijatovic]], in a submission to the [[w:European Court of Human Rights|European Court of Human Rights]], as quoted in [https://www.turkishminute.com/2019/11/26/human-rights-commissioner-says-turkeys-blocking-of-wikipedia-a-violation-of-freedom-of-expression/ “Human rights commissioner says Turkey's blocking of Wikipedia a violation of freedom of expression”], ''Turkish Minute'', (26 November 2019) === 2020s=== ====2020==== [[File:Elon Musk Royal Society.jpg|thumb|[[History]] is [[written]] by the [[victor]], except on wikipedia]] * [Wikipedia comprises millions of articles that are in constant need of edits to reflect new information. That can involve article expansions, major rewrites, or more routine modifications such as updating numbers, dates, names, and locations. Currently, humans across the globe volunteer their time to make these edits.] It would be beneficial to automatically modify exact portions of the articles, with little to no human intervention. ** Darsh Shah, as quoted by Rob Matheson in [http://news.mit.edu/2020/automated-rewrite-wikipedia-articles-0212 “Automated system can rewrite outdated sentences in Wikipedia articles”], ''MIT News Office'', (12 February 2020) * [I have not seen a single practical use-case to convince me to integrate cryptocurrencies or blockchain into the platform. To reward content creators and editors with digital assets] is a really bad idea. ... By integrating cryptocurrencies, Wikipedia would be taking a step back by making it easier for people and companies to pay for the content they want on the platform. Creating a mechanism where you effectively authenticate that type of behavior ... isn't going to help with the quality of Wikipedia at all. ... To say to them, you're going to have to pay or put money at risk in order to edit Wikipedia is completely insane. <!--[If the platform made people place deposits, they could exclude experts and enthusiasts who contribute out of interest in their chosen topic. In their place would be people effectively competing against one another to create and edit content, as well as flag inaccurate entries, for monetary gain. I have no problem with the platform accepting donations in different forms of cryptocurrency however. Wikipedia is a charity and has accepted donations in [https://coinrocco.com/en/currencies/bitcoin bitcoin (BTC)] since 2014.]--> ** [[Jimmy Wales]] on 21 February 2020 while speaking at the CoinGeek Conference in London, as quoted in [https://coinrocco.com/en/blog/wikipedia-co-founder-critiques-crypto-integration-insights-from-jimmy-wales “Wikipedia Co-Founder Says Crypto Integration Would Be ‘Completely Insane'”], ''coinrocco.com'', (21 February 2020) *If it is a mistake to keep comparing Wikipedia to Britannica, it is another kind of category error to judge Wikipedia against its peers in the internet's top 10. '''Wikipedia ought to serve as a model for many forms of social endeavor online, but its lessons do not translate readily into the commercial sphere.''' It is a noncommercial enterprise, with no investors or shareholders to appease, no financial imperative to grow or die, and no standing to maintain in the arms race to amass data and attain AI supremacy at all costs. At Jimmy Wales' wedding, one of the maids of honor toasted him as the sole internet mogul who wasn't a billionaire. ** Richard Cooke, [https://www.wired.com/story/wikipedia-online-encyclopedia-best-place-internet/ “Wikipedia Is the Last Best Place on the Internet, By Richard Cooke”], ''Wired'', (17 Feb 2020) *The site has helped its fellow tech behemoths, though, especially with the march of [[AI]]. Wikipedia's liberal content licenses and vast information hoard have allowed developers to train neural networks much more quickly, cheaply, and widely than proprietary data sets ever could have. When you ask Apple's Siri or Amazon's Alexa a question, Wikipedia helps provide the answer. When you Google a famous person or place, Wikipedia often informs the “knowledge panel” that appears alongside your search results.<BR>These tools were made possible by a project called Wikidata, the next ambitious step toward realizing the age-old dream of creating a “World Brain.” ... As platforms like Google and Alexa work to provide instant answers to random questions, Wikidata will be one of the key architectures that link the world's information together... ** Richard Cooke, [https://www.wired.com/story/wikipedia-online-encyclopedia-best-place-internet/ “Wikipedia Is the Last Best Place on the Internet”], ''Wired'', (17 Feb 2020) *Why do Wikipedians perform these millions of hours of labor, some expended on a giant straw goat, without pay? Because they don't experience them as labor. “It's a misconception people work for free,” Wales told the site Hacker Noon in 2018. “They have fun for free.” A 2011 survey of more than 5,000 Wikipedia contributors listed “It's fun” as one of the primary reasons they edited the site. ** Richard Cooke, [https://www.wired.com/story/wikipedia-online-encyclopedia-best-place-internet/ “Wikipedia Is the Last Best Place on the Internet”], by Richard Cooke, ''Wired'', (17 Feb 2020) * I can't tell you what the cause of the bias on Wikipedia is, I can only tell you that it's really obvious now. It used to be quite obvious, like even 10 years ago it was already pretty obvious 10 years ago. Now it's just embarrassing. <!---ca 30---> ** Larry Sanger., as interviewed by Nupur J. Sharma, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bwcPEACzUfQ&feature=youtu.be “Larry Sanger, founder of Wikipedia, talks to Nupur Sharma”], (Sep 2, 2020) * There is a massive irony in the fact that Wikipedia is so extremely biased: it was started by someone who cares unusually deeply about neutrality (me), who developed and defended its neutrality policy at great length.<br> Man makes plans, and God laughs. ** Larry Sanger, [https://twitter.com/lsanger/status/1301619256778526721 Tweet] on (Sep 3, 2020) ==== 2021 ==== {{Anchor|social media}} * Making [[social media]] liable would mean [[Twitter]], [[Facebook]], even Wikipedia and [[Yelp]] couldn't exist as we know them ** [[Scott Pelley]] on [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/section-230-internet-60-minutes-2021-01-03/ “Why victims of internet lies want Section 230 repealed”], ''CBS'', (January 3, 2020) * Even the common perception that Wikipedia provides a level playing field on which humanity can freely share all its knowledge is a pretense. The reality is that while all such digital structures behave like free and unrestricted systems, they are in fact controlled by gamification algorithms at the hands of those who own and operate them. Very few people grasp the profound deception of the system. ** [[Malhotra, R.]], “Artificial intelligence and the future of power: 5 battlegrounds”, New Delhi:Rupa, 2021. *[the infiltration had threatened the] very foundations of Wikipedia. *This case is unprecedented in scope *[the foundation had been investigating the infiltration of Chinese-language Wikipedia for nearly a year. But this summer] credible threats [to volunteers' safety had] led us to prioritise rapid response ** [[Maggie Dennis]], '''[https://www.bbc.com/news/technology-58559412 Wikipedia blames pro-China infiltration for bans]''', (16 September 2021) ==== 2022 ==== [[File:2015-03-27._%D0%9F%D0%BE%D0%B5%D0%B7%D0%B4%D0%BA%D0%B0_%D0%BF%D0%BE_%D0%B1%D0%BE%D0%BC%D0%B1%D0%BE%D1%83%D0%B1%D0%B5%D0%B6%D0%B8%D1%89%D0%B0%D0%BC_088.jpg|thumb|Editing Wikipedia from a [[w:Bomb shelter|bomb shelter]] is [[difficult]]. To be [[honest]], covering the [[invasion]] is not our main [[priority]] now. People are mainly trying to put in place their [[w:PlanB|plan B]], either by [[evacuating]] to a [[safer]] place, by joining the [[army]], or by joining [[volunteer]] organizations. ~ Mykola Kozlenko]] * Like many other knowledge spaces, Wikipedia has a problem: it lacks visual representation, especially when it comes to notable figures who belong to the global majority, including Black, Indigenous, and people of color. To change that, we are starting a new initiative in collaboration with Behance and AfroCROWD: Discover #WikiUnseen ** Wikimedia Foundation, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uAJcXj8fLXkWiki “Unseen |See their faces. Know their stories”], (Feb 10, 2022) * Once [[w:news media|outlets]] like the ''[[w:HuffPost|Huffington Post]]'', ''[[w:The Daily Beast|Daily Beast]]'', ''[[w:The Daily Beast|Vox]]'' etcetera publish an article making baseless claims about a person, then the Wikipedia editors update that person's page to paint them in a false light and save the salacious [[wikt:hit piece|hit piece]]s as the source in the footnotes cementing the allegations in the target's Wikipedia page. ** [[w:Mark Dice|Mark Dice]] in [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sqEbZGIimHA&list=TLPQMTQwMjIwMjJY8WSHG6XcQg “Wikipedia: The Internet's Largest Source of Misinformation”], ''YouTube'', (11 February 2022) * “[[Writing]] on Wikipedia always comes with a lot of [[responsibility]],” Breslow said in an email. “Wikipedia is the major collective record of [[humanity]]’s [[knowledge]], and its articles are read by a staggering number of [[readers]]. They influence what people [[believe]] and how they [[live]] their lives, so it’s essential we make them as [[reliable]], [[neutral]], and [[comprehensive]] as possible.” ** Samuel Breslow as quoted by Stephen Harrison, [https://slate.com/technology/2022/03/wikipedia-russian-invasion-of-ukraine-edits-kyiv-kiev.html “How the Russian Invasion of Ukraine Is Playing Out on English, Ukrainian, and Russian Wikipedia”], ''Slate'', (March 01, 2022) * “Editing Wikipedia from a [[w:Bomb shelter|bomb shelter]] is [[difficult]],” said Mykola Kozlenko, the vice president of the Wikimedia [[Ukraine]] user group. “To be [[honest]], covering the [[invasion]] is not our main [[priority]] now. People are mainly trying to put in place their [[w:PlanB|plan B]], either by [[evacuating]] to a [[safer]] place, by joining the [[army]], or by joining [[volunteer]] organizations.” ** Mykola Kozlenko as quoted by Stephen Harrison, [https://slate.com/technology/2022/03/wikipedia-russian-invasion-of-ukraine-edits-kyiv-kiev.html “How the Russian Invasion of Ukraine Is Playing Out on English, Ukrainian, and Russian Wikipedia”], ''Slate'', (March 01, 2022) ==== 2023 ==== * Having that protection there is what has allowed Wikipedia to be written by thousands of volunteer editors around the world over the last 22 years. So without the protections of [[w:Section 230|Section 230]], that becomes a much more difficult scenario for us. ** Leighanna Mixter in [https://gizmodo.com/wikipedia-section-230-scotus-encyclopedia-1850085090 “Wikipedia Worries Its Volunteer Editors Could Be Liable to Lawsuits Without Section 230”], by Kyle Barr, ''Gizmodo'' * The [[U.S. Supreme Court]] has declined to hear a bid by the operator of the popular Wikipedia [[internet]] [[encyclopedia]] to resurrect its [[lawsuit]] against the [[National Security Agency]] challenging mass [[online]] [[surveillance]]. ** [[w:Slashdot|Slashdot]], [https://news.slashdot.org/story/23/02/22/1542248/supreme-court-snubs-wikipedia-bid-to-challenge-nsa-surveillance "Supreme Court Snubs Wikipedia Bid To Challenge NSA Surveillance"], (February 22, 2023) * Every day, millions of people gather on Wikipedia to fight over the facts displayed. Wikipedia doesn’t just preserve the some 22.14 GB worth of text displayed on its pages, it’s also preserving years of edits and arguments about how those words were written. Every page on the site is argued over, fussed about, and tweaked constantly. All those discussions are here, and can be pored over. <br> Running an ad-free website where millions of people gather every day to discuss facts and update scores of pages is a monumental task. It’s incredible that Wikipedia doesn’t often go down and has few technical problems. Most of the time, Wikipedia works without issue. The same is not true for X, formerly Twitter. <br> And where does the money go? The Wikimedia Foundation is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization that publishes its financial records that are routinely audited by third parties. Every year, it publishes portions of this financial audit for the public. According to its 2022 report, it received about $160 million in donations. It spent $88 million of this on salaries and wages for its employees, $2.7 million on internet hosting, and about $1.2 million on travel. It’s very easy to see these reports with a cursory search. A community note on Musk’s own post says as much. ** Matthew Gault, [https://www.vice.com/en/article/elon-musk-still-doesnt-understand-how-wikipedia-works/ “Elon Musk Still Doesn’t Understand How Wikipedia Works”], ''Vice'', (October 23, 2023) * The civic tech expert [[w:Ed Saperia|Ed Saperia]] used as his parable the difference between Wikipedia and [[Facebook]]. Jimmy Wales’s big experiment, which started life in 1999 as Nupedia, has created an open-source collection of human knowledge in hundreds of languages that is essentially trustworthy. If a mistake creeps in through the gates of human generosity, it gets corrected in the same way. If malicious actors try to slander their foes, the punishment is not cancellation, but more like lifelong ridicule, which is proportionate, given how long a slanderous person is likely to carry on doing ridiculous things. In other words, it is the best of humanity, all natural desire to help each other with cross-pollinated knowledge concentrated in one place. <br> Facebook, for brevity, takes the same raw material – all the people in the world – and finds the worst in it. Facebook manages to winkle out things we didn’t know we were capable of – levels of vitriol, gullibility and hysteria – in between a scare ad for dark politics and a mesmerising video of five types of mince baked around a kilo of cheese. (I am paraphrasing a bit; I don’t think civic tech gurus dwell much on the cheese.) ** Zoe Williams, [https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2023/oct/23/why-is-elon-musk-attacking-wikipedia-because-its-very-existence-offends-him “Why is Elon Musk attacking Wikipedia? Because its very existence offends him”], ''The Guardian'', (Oct 23, 2023) ===== “Wikipedia’s Moment of Truth” (Published July 18, 2023, updated July 21, 2023) ===== <small> Jon Gertner, [https://www.nytimes.com/2023/07/18/magazine/wikipedia-ai-chatgpt.html “Wikipedia’s Moment of Truth”], ''The New York Times'', (Published July 18, 2023, updated July 21, 2023) </small> [[File:Le_avventure_di_Pinocchio-pag020.jpg|thumb|Without Wikipedia, generative A.I. wouldn’t exist. ~ Nicholas Vincent]] [[File:Searchlights_pierce_the_night_sky_during_an_air-raid_practice_on_Gibraltar,_20_November_1942._GM1852.jpg|thumb|For a popular article that might have thousands of contributors, “Wikipedia is literally the most accurate form of information ever created by humans,” [[w:Amy S. Bruckman|Amy Bruckman]], a professor at the [[w:Georgia Institute of Technology|Georgia Institute of Technology]], told me. But Wikipedia’s short articles can sometimes be hit or miss. “They could be total garbage,” says Bruckman, who is the author of the recent book “Should You Believe Wikipedia?”]] [[File:USMC-100629-M-3215R-002.jpg|thumb|Jesse Dodge, a computer scientist at the [[w:Allen Institute for AI|Allen Institute for AI]] in [[Seattle]], told me that Wikipedia might now make up between 3 and 5 percent of the scraped data an L.L.M. uses for its training. “Wikipedia going forward will forever be super valuable,” Dodge points out, “because it’s one of the largest well-curated data sets out there.” There is generally a link, he adds, between the quality of data a model trains on and the accuracy and coherence of its responses.]] [[File:Webcomic_xkcd_-_Wikipedian_protester.png|thumb|Reagle told me that the recent debates over A.I. recall for him the early days of Wikipedia, when its quality was unflatteringly compared to that of other encyclopedias. “It served as a proxy in this larger culture war about information and knowledge and quality and authority and legitimacy. So I take a sort of similar model to thinking about ChatGPT, which is going to improve. Just like Wikipedia is not perfect, it’s not perfect — it’s never going to be perfect — but what is the relative value given the other information that’s out there?”]] [[File:Cc.logo.circle.svg|thumb|While Wikipedia’s licensing policy lets anyone tap its knowledge and text — to “reuse and remix” it however they might like — it does have several conditions. These include the requirements that users must “share alike,” meaning any information they do something with must subsequently be made readily available, and that users must give credit and attribution to Wikipedia contributors. Mixing Wikipedia’s corpus into a chatbot model that gives answers to queries without explaining the sourcing may thus violate Wikipedia’s terms of use, two people in the open-source software community told me.]] * The new [[A.I.]] [[w:Chatbot|chatbots]] have typically swallowed Wikipedia’s corpus, too. Embedded deep within their responses to queries is Wikipedia [[data]] and Wikipedia [[text]], [[knowledge]] that has been compiled over years of [[painstaking]] [[work]] by [[human]] contributors. While estimates of its influence can vary, Wikipedia is probably the most important single source in the training of A.I. models. “Without Wikipedia, generative A.I. wouldn’t exist,” says Nicholas Vincent, who will be joining the faculty of [[w:Simon Fraser University|Simon Fraser University]] in [[British Columbia]] this month and who has studied how Wikipedia helps support Google searches and other information businesses. <br> Yet as bots like [[w:ChatGPT|ChatGPT]] become increasingly popular and sophisticated, Vincent and some of his colleagues wonder what will happen if Wikipedia, out-flanked by A.I. that has cannibalized it, suffers from disuse and dereliction. In such a future, a “Death of Wikipedia” outcome is perhaps not so far-fetched. A computer intelligence — it might not need to be as good as Wikipedia, merely good enough — is plugged into the web and seizes the opportunity to summarize source materials and news articles instantly, the way humans now do with argument and deliberation. * How Wikipedia uses bots and how bots use Wikipedia are extremely different, however. For years it has been clear that fledgling A.I. systems were being trained on the site’s articles, as part of the process whereby engineers “scrape” the web to create enormous data sets for that purpose. In the early days of these models, about a decade ago, Wikipedia represented a large percentage of the scraped data used to train machines. The encyclopedia was crucial not only because it’s free and accessible, but also because it contains a mother lode of facts and so much of its material is consistently formatted. <br> In more recent years, as so-called Large Language Models, or L.L.M.s, increased in size and functionality — these are the models that power chatbots like ChatGPT and Google’s Bard — they began to take in far larger amounts of information. In some cases, their meals added up to well over a trillion words. The sources included not just Wikipedia but also Google’s patent database, government documents, Reddit’s Q. and A. corpus, books from online libraries and vast numbers of news articles on the web. But while Wikipedia’s contribution in terms of overall volume is shrinking — and even as tech companies have stopped disclosing what data sets go into their A.I. models — it remains one of the largest single sources for L.L.M.s. Jesse Dodge, a computer scientist at the [[w:Allen Institute for AI|Allen Institute for AI]] in [[Seattle]], told me that Wikipedia might now make up between 3 and 5 percent of the scraped data an L.L.M. uses for its training. “Wikipedia going forward will forever be super valuable,” Dodge points out, “because it’s one of the largest well-curated data sets out there.” There is generally a link, he adds, between the quality of data a model trains on and the accuracy and coherence of its responses. * Wikipedia’s fundamental goal is to spread knowledge as broadly and freely as possible, by whatever means. About 10 years ago, when site administrators focused on how Google was using Wikipedia, they were in a situation that presaged the advent of A.I. chatbots. Google’s search engine was able, at the top of its query results, to present Wikipedians’ work to users all over the world, giving the encyclopedia far greater reach than before — an apparent virtue. In 2017, three academic computer scientists, Connor McMahon, Isaac Johnson and Brent Hecht, conducted an experiment that tested how random users would react if just part of the contributions made to Google’s search results by Wikipedia were removed. The academics perceived an “extensive interdependence”: Wikipedia makes Google a “significantly better” search engine for many queries, and Wikipedia, in turn, gets most of its traffic from Google. * [[w:Aaron Halfaker|Aaron Halfaker]], who led the machine-learning research team at the Wikimedia Foundation for several years (and who now works for [[Microsoft]]), told me that search-engine summaries at least offer users links and [[citations]] and a way to click back to Wikipedia. The responses from large language models can resemble an information smoothie that goes down easy but contains mysterious ingredients. “The ability to generate an answer has fundamentally shifted,” he says, noting that in a ChatGPT answer there is “literally no citation, and no grounding in the literature as to where that information came from.” He contrasts it with the Google or Bing search engines: “This is different. This is way more powerful than what we had before.” * Wikipedia’s most devoted supporters will readily acknowledge that it has plenty of flaws. The Wikimedia Foundation estimates that its English-language site has about 40,000 active editors — meaning they make at least five edits a month to the encyclopedia. According to recent data from the Wikimedia Foundation, about 80 percent of that cohort is male, and about 75 percent of those from the United States are white, which has led to some gender and racial gaps in Wikipedia’s coverage. And lingering doubts about reliability remain. For a popular article that might have thousands of contributors, “Wikipedia is literally the most accurate form of information ever created by humans,” [[w:Amy S. Bruckman|Amy Bruckman]], a professor at the [[w:Georgia Institute of Technology|Georgia Institute of Technology]], told me. But Wikipedia’s short articles can sometimes be hit or miss. “They could be total garbage,” says Bruckman, who is the author of the recent book “Should You Believe Wikipedia?” * Within the Wikipedia community, there is a cautious sense of hope that A.I., if managed right, will help the organization improve rather than crash. Selena Deckelmann, the chief tech officer, expresses that perspective most optimistically. “What we’ve proven over 22 years now is: We have a volunteer model that is sustainable,” she told me. “I would say there are some threats to it. Is it an insurmountable threat? I don’t think so.” The longtime Wikipedia editor who wrote “Death of Wikipedia” told me that he feels there is a case to be made for a good outcome in the coming years, even if the longer term seems far less certain. The Wikimedia plug-in is the first significant move toward protecting its future. Projects are also in the works to use recent advances in A.I. internally. Albon says that he and his colleagues are in the process of adapting A.I. models that are “off the shelf” — essentially models that have been made available by researchers for anyone to freely customize — so that Wikipedia’s editors can use them for their work. One focus is to have A.I. models aid new volunteers, say, with step-by-step chatbot instructions as they begin working on new articles, a process that involves many rules and protocols and often alienates Wikipedia’s newcomers. <br> Leila Zia, the head of research at the Wikimedia Foundation, told me that her team was likewise working on tools that could help the encyclopedia by predicting, for example, whether a new article or edit would be overruled. Or, she said, perhaps a contributor “doesn’t know how to use citations” — in that case, another tool would indicate that. I asked whether it could help Wikipedia entries maintain a neutral point of view as they were writing. “Absolutely,” she says. * Three years ago, in anticipation of Wikipedia’s 20th anniversary, [[w:Joseph M. Reagle Jr.|Joseph Reagle]], a professor at [[w:Northeastern University|Northeastern University]], wrote a historical essay exploring how the death of the site had been predicted again and again. Wikipedia has nevertheless found ways to adapt and endure. Reagle told me that the recent debates over A.I. recall for him the early days of Wikipedia, when its quality was unflatteringly compared to that of other encyclopedias. “It served as a proxy in this larger culture war about information and knowledge and quality and authority and legitimacy. So I take a sort of similar model to thinking about ChatGPT, which is going to improve. Just like Wikipedia is not perfect, it’s not perfect — it’s never going to be perfect — but what is the relative value given the other information that’s out there?” * While Wikipedia’s licensing policy lets anyone tap its knowledge and text — to “reuse and remix” it however they might like — it does have several conditions. These include the requirements that users must “share alike,” meaning any information they do something with must subsequently be made readily available, and that users must give credit and attribution to Wikipedia contributors. Mixing Wikipedia’s corpus into a chatbot model that gives answers to queries without explaining the sourcing may thus violate Wikipedia’s terms of use, two people in the open-source software community told me. It is now a topic of conversation inside the Wikimedia community whether some legal recourse exists. <br> Data providers may be able to exert other kinds of leverage as well. In April, Reddit announced that it would not make its corpus available for scraping by big tech companies without compensation. It seems very unlikely that the Wikimedia Foundation could issue the same dictum and close its sites off — an action that Nicholas Vincent has called a “data strike” — because its terms of service are more open. But the foundation could make arguments in the name of fairness and appeal to firms to pay for its A.P.I., just as Google does now. It could further insist that chatbots give Wikipedia prominent attribution and offer citations in their answers, something Selena Deckelmann told me the foundation is discussing with various firms. Vincent says that A.I. companies would be foolhardy to try to build a global encyclopedia themselves, with individual contractors. Instead, he told me, “there might be an intermediary stage here where Wikipedia says, ‘Hey, look at how important we’ve been to you.’” * Without ingesting the growing millions of Wikipedia pages or vacuuming up Reddit arguments about plot twists in “[[w:The Bear (TV series)|The Bear]],” new L.L.M.s can’t be adequately trained. In fact, no one I spoke with in the tech community seemed to know if it would even be possible to build a good A.I. model without Wikipedia. ==== 2024 ==== * We love the amount of support — from the trainings to the course guides to the assistance available via email. With the use of Wikipedia, students are thinking critically about the knowledge gaps and inequities found in public information sources and resources — and they work to improve these conditions with each assignment. <br> It's great that students get to see the impact of their work so quickly too, as the number of page views grows far faster than the number of scholars and colleagues who may otherwise read their published work. ** Terri Hlava as quoted by Hailey Torborg, [https://news.asu.edu/20240409-law-journalism-and-politics-asu-faculty-contributing-improvement-wikipedia “ASU faculty contributing to improvement of Wikipedia”], ''Arizona State University'', (April 09, 2024) * Wikipedia’s articles about history and religion have real-life impact on the world. What people read on Wikipedia shapes the opinions they form about politics, social justice and so forth. Therefore we need to make sure Wikipedia gets it right, and this project is going to help that goal. ** Shira Klein as quoted by Hailey Torborg, [https://news.asu.edu/20240409-law-journalism-and-politics-asu-faculty-contributing-improvement-wikipedia “ASU faculty contributing to improvement of Wikipedia”], ''Arizona State University'', (April 09, 2024) * If you know how to navigate the site, Wikipedia is a uniquely transparent knowledge-sharing platform. So students get to see how the articles are developed in ways that are typically black-boxed in academia’s peer-review process or in what happens in the office of news media organizations. This makes it a great learning opportunity for identifying how bias can shape Wikipedia content, and for practicing how to intervene in those processes. ** Tracy Perkins as quoted by Hailey Torborg, [https://news.asu.edu/20240409-law-journalism-and-politics-asu-faculty-contributing-improvement-wikipedia “ASU faculty contributing to improvement of Wikipedia”], ''Arizona State University'', (April 09, 2024) ==== 2025 ==== * I'm a passionate believer in what Wikipedia does. I tell people over and over again, Wikipedia is where facts are going to live. Wikipedia is a critically important platform, because it's built on lifting up reliable sources, something which is getting harder and harder to find. [[Meta:Wikimedia New York City|Wikimedia New York City]] is a great resource for the New York City community to both learn about Wikipedia and learning how to contribute to Wikipedia. It's one of the places where anyone can access free knowledge that's trustworthy. And that's increasingly rare in today's world. ** [[Craig Newmark]], [https://www.youtube.com/live/h_BwqDOPqiI?feature=shared Wikipedia Day 2025 in NYC], (January 25, 2025) *When you choose to become an editor, it’s because you’re passionate about an issue or you’re passionate about making sure that knowledge exists and it’s free for people to use, you don’t get paid to do this, and you didn’t sign up to be attacked. ** [[Pacita Rudder]], [https://www.cjr.org/the_new_gatekeepers/wikipedia-reluctant-resisters-musk-trump.php Wikipedia’s Reluctant Resisters], (March 13, 2025) *If you meet three Wikipedia editors, you’d feel better about the long-standing stamina of Wikipedia, like, if you see all these editors, you’re just like, Oh, these are the people who are trying to make sure that Wikipedia is going to remain not just intact, but that we’re going to keep telling this evolving story of the internet. ** [[Molly Stark Dean]], [https://www.cjr.org/the_new_gatekeepers/wikipedia-reluctant-resisters-musk-trump.php Wikipedia’s Reluctant Resisters], (March 13, 2025) *We’ve been fighting off attacks of one kind or another for twenty years, almost. ** [[Jim Henderson]], [https://www.cjr.org/the_new_gatekeepers/wikipedia-reluctant-resisters-musk-trump.php Wikipedia’s Reluctant Resisters], (March 13, 2025) *Wikipedia is so ironic. We wanted to give a voice to the voiceless, but what emerged was one of the most effective organs of Establishment propaganda in history. ** [[Larry Sanger]], [https://x.com/lsanger/status/1937958369933009227?t=neG-6pHyNg7-zzFWrrDhBQ&s=19 Twiiter official account], (Jun 25, 2025) == See also == * [[Bomis]] * [[Citizendium]] * [[MediaWiki]] * [[Gender bias on Wikipedia]] * [[Wikiquote:Wiki-sisters]] * [[Wikiquote]] * [[Wikidata]] * [[Wikimedia]] * [[Wikisource]] * [[Wiktionary]] ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{Similarlinks}} *[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Testimonials Wikipedia:Testimonials] (2001 – 2008) *[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Criticisms Wikipedia:Criticisms] (2002 – 2012) *[https://www.wikipedia.org Wikipedia's multi-lingual portal] [[Category:Wikimedia projects]] [[Category:Wikipedia| ]] 16u99wfj4xvcavv4ibvdvy1yh7ktz4t 0 5839 3778778 3630964 2025-07-14T18:14:55Z A23423413 3125316 /* Quotes about Margaret Atwood */ add 3778778 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Atwood123.jpg|thumb|The fabric of [[democracy]] is always fragile everywhere because it depends on the [[will]] of [[citizens]] to protect it, and when they become scared, when it becomes dangerous for them to defend it, it can go very quickly.]] '''[[w:Margaret Atwood|Margaret Eleanor Atwood]]''' (born [[18 November]] [[1939]]) is a Canadian novelist, poet, and literary critic. == Quotes == [[File:Brighter Rainbow Heart.svg|thumb|The Eskimo has fifty-two names for [[snow]] because it is important to them; there ought to be as many for [[love]].]] [[File:Lululaund - The Dancing Girl (painting and silk cloth. A.L. Baldry 1901, before p.107).jpg|thumb|I would rather [[dance]] as a ballerina, though faultily, than as a flawless [[clown]].]] [[File:Margaret Atwood Eden Mills Writers Festival 2006.jpg|thumb|[[War]] is what happens when [[language]] fails.]] * "Well, maybe I'm a latent [[homosexual]]." He considered that for a moment. "Or maybe I'm a latent [[heterosexual]]. Anyway, I'm pretty latent. I don't know why. Of course, I've taken a number of stabs at it, but then I start thinking about the futility of it all and I give up. Maybe it's because you're [[expected]] to do something and after a certain point all I want to do is lie there and stare at the ceiling." ** ''[[w:The Edible Woman|The Edible Woman]]'' (1969) * '''The Eskimo has fifty-two names for [[snow]] because it is important to them; there ought to be as many for [[love]].''' ** ''[[w:Surfacing (novel)|Surfacing]]'' (1972) p. 107 ** Variant: The Eskimos had 52 names for snow because it was important to them; there ought to be as many for love. ** The premise for this quote is now known to be a [[wikipedia:Eskimo_words_for_snow|linguistic myth]] stemming from the early 20th century work of [[Franz Boas]]. This quote by Atwood has been cited as an example of the [https://books.google.ca/books/about/White_Lies_about_the_Inuit.html?id=i-osjdNH3g8C perpetuation of this myth]. ** Note: The word "Eskimo" has come to be considered offensive, especially in Canada. The term is still used worldwide by historians and archaeologists. Source: [https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/Eskimo#Usage_notes Wikiquote]. * A divorce is like an amputation; you survive, but there’s less of you. ** ''Time'' magazine (19 March 1973) * '''I would rather [[dance]] as a ballerina, though faultily, than as a flawless [[clown]].''' ** ''[[w:Lady Oracle|Lady Oracle]]'' (1976) * He's just a contact of hers, which is not the same as a [[friend]]. While she was in the hospital she decided that most of her friends were really just contacts. ** ''[[w:Bodily Harm (novel)|Bodily Harm]]'' (1981) * He had that faint [[sick]] look in his eyes, as if he wanted to give her something, [[charity]] for instance. ** ''Bodily Harm'' (1981) * The policemen's faces glisten too, they're holding themselves back, they love this, it's a [[ceremony]], they're implementing a [[policy]]. ** ''Bodily Harm'' (1981) * '''"Why do [[men]] [[feel]] threatened by [[women]]?"''' I asked a male friend of mine. (I love that wonderful rhetorical device, "a male friend of mine." It's often used by female journalists when they want to say something particularly bitchy but don't want to be held [[responsible]] for it themselves. It also lets people know that you ''do'' have male friends, that you aren't one of those fire-breathing mythical monsters, The Radical Feminists, who walk around with little pairs of scissors and kick men in the shins if they open doors for you. "A male friend of mine" also gives — let us admit it — a certain weight to the [[opinions]] expressed.) So this male friend of mine, who does by the way exist, conveniently entered into the following dialogue. "I mean," I said, "men are bigger, most of the time, they can run faster, strangle better, and they have on the average a lot more [[money]] and [[power]]." '''"They're afraid women will [[laugh]] at them,"''' he said. "Undercut their world view." Then I asked some women students in a quickie [[poetry]] seminar I was giving, '''"Why do women feel threatened by men?" "They're [[afraid]] of being [[killed]],"''' they said. :* ''Writing the Male Character'', a Hagey Lecture at the University of Waterloo (9 February 1982); reprinted in [http://books.google.com/books?id=NtB8oW9kXNYC&lpg=PA7&dq=Second%20Words%3A%20Selected%20Critical%20Prose&pg=PA413#v=onepage&q=Second%20Words%3A%20Selected%20Critical%20Prose&f=false ''Second Words: Selected Critical Prose'' (1982), p. 413]. Paraphrases of such expressions have provided them wider exposure; [[w:Gavin De Becker|Gavin De Becker]] later stated in [[w:The Gift of Fear|''The Gift of Fear: And Other Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence'' (1997)]] "It is understandable that the perspectives of men and women on safety are so different — men and women live in different worlds. '''I don’t remember where I first heard this simple description of one dramatic contrast between the genders, but it is strikingly accurate: At core, men are afraid women will laugh at them, while at core, women are afraid men will kill them.'''" * '''Another [[belief]] of mine: that everyone else my age is an adult, whereas I am merely in disguise.''' ** ''[[w:Cat's Eye (novel)|Cat's Eye]]'' (1988) * '''[[Time]] is not a line but a dimension, like the dimensions of [[space]].''' ** ''Cat's Eye'' (1988) *An [[eye]] for an eye only leads to more [[blindness]]. ** ''Cat's Eye'' (1988) * Roughing it builds a boy's character, but only certain kinds of roughing it. ** ''Wilderness Tips'' (1991) * '''[[War]] is what happens when [[language]] fails.''' ** ''[[w:The Robber Bride|The Robber Bride]]'' (1993), Ch. 6 * Male fantasies, male fantasies, is everything run by male fantasies? Up on a pedestal or down on your knees, it's all a male fantasy: that you're strong enough to take what they dish out, or else too weak to do anything about it. Even pretending you aren't catering to male fantasies is a male fantasy: pretending you're unseen, pretending you have a life of your own, that you can wash your feet and comb your hair unconscious of the ever-present watcher peering through the keyhole, peering through the keyhole in your own head, if nowhere else. You are a woman with a man inside watching a woman. You are your own voyeur. ** ''The Robber Bride'' * I am certain that a Sewing Machine would relieve as much [[human]] [[suffering]] as a hundred Lunatic Asylums, and possibly a good deal more. ** ''[[w:Alias Grace|Alias Grace]]'' (1996) * I'm working on my own life story. I don't mean I'm putting it together; no, I'm taking it apart. ** ''The Tent'' (2006) *I can tell you that once upon a time when I was doing public events people would ask me, "What do you think about the [[arts]]?, What do you think of the role of women?, What do you think of men?, What do you think of all of these things?", and now they ask one thing, and that one thing is this, "Is there [[hope]]?" **[http://www.vformation.tv/Site/Margaret_Atwood.html ''Turning Pages: The Life and Literature of Margaret Atwood''] (September 13, 2007) Official television documentary credited on http://www.margaretatwood.ca/books_on.php * I plunged in, and set up a Twitter account. My first problem was that there were already two Margaret Atwoods on Twitter, one of them with my picture. This grew; I gave commands; then all other Margaret Atwoods stopped together. I like to think they were sent to a nunnery, but in any case they disappeared. The Twitterpolice had got them. I felt a bit guilty. ** [http://blogs.nybooks.com/post/482335188/atwood-in-the-twittersphere "Atwood in the Twittersphere", ''The New York Review of Books'' (29 March 2010)] * I soon had a few thousand people I didn’t know sending me messages like “OMG! Is it really you?” “I love it when old ladies blog,” one early follower remarked. … and they really shone when, during the Olympics, I said that "Own the podium" was too brash to be Canadian, and suggested "A podium might be nice." Their own variations poured onto a feed tagged #cpodium: "A podium! For me?" "Rent the podium, see if we like it." "Mind if I squeeze by you to get onto that podium?" I was so proud of them! It was like having 33,000 precocious grandchildren! ** "Atwood in the Twittersphere", ''The New York Review of Books'' (29 March 2010) === ''Selected Poems 1965-1975'' (1976) === * <p>'''The [[weapons]] <br /> that were once outside <br /> sharpening themselves on [[war]] <br /> are now indoors <br /> there, in the fortress, <br /> fragile <br /> in glass cases'''; </p><p> Why is it <br /> (I’m thinking <br /> of the careful moulding <br /> round the stonework archways) <br /> that in this time, such <br /> elaborate defences keep <br /> things that are no longer <br /> (much) <br /> worth defending?</p> ** "The circle game" * '''Your righteous eyes, your laconic <br /> trigger-fingers <br /> people the streets with villains: <br /> as you move, the air in front of you <br /> blossoms with targets'''</p><p>'''and you leave behind you a heroic <br /> trail of desolation''': <br /> beer bottles <br /> slaughtered by the side <br /> of the road, bird- <br /> skulls bleaching in the sunset.</p> ** "Backdrop addresses cowboy" (1974) * </p>'''I am the horizon <br /> you ride towards, the thing you can never lasso'''</p><p> I am also what surrounds you: <br /> my brain <br /> scattered with your <br /> tincans, bones, empty shells, <br /> the litter of your invasions.</p><p> I am the space you desecrate <br /> as you pass through.</p> ** "Backdrop addresses cowboy" (1974) * <p>When you hear me singing <br /> you get the rifle down <br /> and the flashlight, aiming for my brain, <br /> but you always miss </p><p> and when you set out the poison <br /> I piss on it <br /> to warn the others.</p> ** [http://www.poetryfoundation.org/archive/poem.html?id=21984 "Rat Song"] (1974) * I am yours. If you feed me garbage, <br /> I will sing a song of garbage. <br /> This is a hymn. ** [http://www.poetryfoundation.org/archive/poem.html?id=21982 "Pig Song"] * <p>'''In view of the fading animals <br /> the proliferation of sewers and fears <br /> the sea clogging, the air <br /> nearing extinction'''</p><p> '''we should be kind, we should <br /> take warning, we should forgive each other'''</p><p> '''Instead we are opposite, we <br /> touch as though attacking,'''</p><p> '''the gifts we bring <br /> even in good faith maybe <br /> warp in our hands to <br /> implements, to manoeuvres'''</p> ** [http://www.poetryfoundation.org/archive/poem.html?id=177292 "They are hostile nations"] * <p>In restaurants we argue <br /> over which of us will pay for your funeral</p><p> though the real question is <br /> whether or not I will make you immortal.</p> ** "They eat out" === ''[[w:The Handmaid’s Tale|The Handmaid’s Tale]]'' (1985) === [[File:Gilead-Flag.gif|thumb|[[Tell]], rather than [[write]], because I have [[nothing]] to write with and writing is in any case forbidden. But if it’s a [[story]], even in my head, I must be telling it to someone.]] [[File:George Orwell, Octavia Butler, and Margaret Atwood Warned Us (34078351001).jpg|thumb|Ignoring isn’t the same as [[ignorance]], you have to [[work]] at it.]] [[File:Margaret-Atwood 19.10.2009.jpg|thumb|As [[all]] [[historians]] [[know]], the [[past]] is a [[great]] [[darkness]], and filled with echoes. [[Voices]] may reach us from it; but what they say to us is imbued with the obscurity of the matrix out of which they come; and, try as we may, we cannot always decipher them precisely in the clearer light of our own day.]] :<small> All page numbers from the trade paperback edition published by Anchor Books </small> * There is more than one kind of [[freedom]], said Aunt Lydia. Freedom to and freedom from. In the days of [[anarchy]], it was freedom to. Now you are being given freedom from. Don't underrate it. ** Chapter 5 (p. 24) * Tell, rather than write, because I have nothing to write with and writing is in any case forbidden. But if it’s a story, even in my head, I must be telling it to someone. You don’t tell a story only to yourself. There’s always someone else. <br /> Even when there is no one. ** Chapter 7 (pp. 39-40) * ''Nolite te bastardes carborundorum.'' ** '''Do not let the bastards grind you down.''' ** Chapter 9 (p. 52) * '''Ignoring isn’t the same as [[ignorance]], you have to [[work]] at it.''' ** Chapter 10 (p. 56) * You must cultivate poverty of [[spirit]]. [[Blessed]] are the meek. She didn’t go on to say anything about inheriting the earth. ** Chapter 12 (p. 64) * These pictures were supposed to be erotic, and I thought they were, at the time; but I see now what they were really about. They were paintings about suspended animation; about waiting, about objects not in use. They were paintings about boredom. But maybe boredom is erotic, when women do it, for men. ** Chapter 13 * The sitting room is subdued, symmetrical; it’s one of the shapes money takes when it freezes. ** Chapter 14 (p. 79) * ''Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted.'' <br /> Nobody said when. ** Chapter 15 (p. 89) * [[Sanity]] is a valuable possession; I hoard it the way people once hoarded money. I save it, so I will have enough, when the time comes. ** Chapter 19 (p. 109) * '''A man is just a woman’s strategy for making other women.''' ** Chapter 20 (p. 121) * You can think clearly only with your clothes on. ** Chapter 24 (p. 143) * He was not a monster, to her. Probably he had some endearing trait: he whistled, off key, in the shower, he had a yen for truffles, he called his dog Liebchen and made it sit up for little pieces of raw steak. How easy it is to invent a humanity, for anyone at all. ** Chapter 24 * I'll take care of it, Luke said. And because he said ''it'' instead of ''her,'' I knew he meant ''kill.'' That is what you have to do before you kill, I thought. You have to create an it, where none was before. You do that first, in your head, and then you make it real. ** Chapter 30 (pp. 192-193) * (She is reciting the Lord’s prayer) '''Now we come to [[forgiveness]]. Don’t worry about forgiving me right now. There are more important things. For instance: keep the others safe, if they are safe. Don’t let them suffer too much.''' If they have to die, let it be fast. '''You might even provide a [[Heaven]] for them. We [[need]] You for that. [[Hell]] we can make for ourselves.''' ** Chapter 30 (pp. 194-195) * You can’t make an omelette without breaking eggs, is what he says. We thought we could do better. <br /> Better? I say, in a small voice. How can he think this is better? <br /> Better never means better for everyone, he says. It always means worse, for some. ** Chapter 32 (p. 211) * '''Freedom, like everything else, is relative.''' ** Chapter 36 (p. 231) * A movie about the past is not the same as the past. ** Chapter 37 (p. 235) * '''By telling you anything at all I'm at least believing in you, I believe you're there, I believe you into being. Because I'm telling you this story I will your existence. I tell, therefore you are.''' ** Chapter 41 (p. 268) * '''As [[all]] [[historians]] [[know]], the [[past]] is a [[great]] [[darkness]], and filled with echoes.''' [[Voices]] may reach us from it; but what they say to us is imbued with the obscurity of the matrix out of which they come; and, try as we may, we cannot always decipher them precisely in the clearer light of our own day. ** Historical Notes (p. 311) * "Better never means better for everyone." [https://www.hulu.com/the-handmaids-tale The Handmaid's Tale (TV Series 2017)] === ''Selected Poems 1976-1986'' (1987) === ==== Marrying the Hangman ==== :<small>Originally published in ''Two-Headed Poems'' (1978) <br /> [http://www.poetryfoundation.org/archive/poem.html?id=177287 Full text online]</small> * '''She has been condemned to [[death]] by hanging. A man <br /> may escape this death by becoming the hangman, a <br /> woman by marrying the hangman. But at the present <br /> time there is no hangman; thus there is no escape. <br /> There is only a death, indefinitely postponed. This is <br /> not [[fantasy]], it is [[history]].''' * '''To live in [[prison]] is to live without mirrors. To live <br /> without mirrors is to live without the [[self]].''' She is <br /> living selflessly, she finds a hole in the stone wall and <br /> on the other side of the wall, a voice. The voice <br /> comes through darkness and has no face. This voice <br /> becomes her mirror. * In order to avoid her death, her particular death, with <br /> wrung neck and swollen tongue, she must marry the <br /> hangman. * She must <br /> transform his hands so they will be willing to twist <br /> the rope around throats that have been singled out <br /> as hers was, throats other than hers. She must marry <br /> the hangman or no one, but that is not so bad. Who <br /> else is there to marry? * '''You wonder about her [[crime]]. She was condemned <br /> to death for stealing clothes from her employer, from <br /> the wife of her employer. She wished to make herself <br /> more [[beautiful]]. This [[desire]] in servants was not [[legal]].''' * He was not condemned to death, freedom awaited <br /> him. What was the temptation, the one that worked? <br /> Perhaps he wanted to live with a woman whose life <br /> he had saved, who had seen down into the earth but <br /> had nevertheless followed him back up to life. It was <br /> his only chance to be a hero, to one person at least, <br /> for if he became the hangman the others would <br /> despise him. He was in prison for wounding another <br /> man, on one finger of the right hand, with a sword. <br /> This too is history. * '''My friends, who are both women, tell me their stories, <br /> which cannot be believed and which are true. They <br /> are horror stories and they have not happened to me, <br /> they have not yet happened to me, they have <br /> happened to me but we are detached, we watch our <br /> unbelief with horror.''' * He wants only the simple things: a chair, <br /> someone to pull off his shoes, someone to watch him <br /> while he talks, with admiration and fear, gratitude if <br /> possible, someone in whom to plunge himself for rest <br /> and renewal. These things can best be had by marrying <br /> a woman who has been condemned to death by other <br /> men for wishing to be beautiful. There is a wide <br /> choice. * Everyone said he was a fool. <br /> Everyone said she was a clever woman. <br /> They used the word ''ensnare''. * '''The [[fact]] is there are no stories I can tell my friends that will make them feel better. History cannot be erased, although we can soothe ourselves by speculating about it.''' * NOTES: Jean Cololère, a drummer in the colonial troops at Québec, was imprisoned for duelling in 1751. In the cell next to his was Françoise Laurent, who had been sentenced to hang for stealing. Except for letters of pardon, the only way at the time for someone under sentence of death to escape hanging was, for a man, to become a hangman, or, for a woman, to marry one. Françoise persuaded Cololère to apply for the vacant (and undesirable) post of executioner, and also to marry her. <br /> —Condensed from the ''Dictionary of Canadian Biography'', Volume III, 1741-1770 === ''Morning in the Burned House'' (1995) === * '''There is so much [[silence]] between the [[words]], <br /> you say. You say, The sensed absence <br /> of [[God]] and the sensed presence <br /> amount to much the same thing, <br /> only in reverse.''' <br /> You say, I have too much white clothing. <br /> You start to hum. <br /> Several hundred years ago <br /> this could have been [[mysticism]] <br /> or heresy. It isn’t now. <br /> Outside there are sirens. <br /> Someone’s been run over. <br /> The century grinds on. ** "In the Secular Night" ==== The Loneliness of the Military Historian ==== :<small>[http://www.poetryfoundation.org/archive/poem.html?id=177286 Full text online]</small> * '''Confess: it’s my profession <br /> that alarms you. <br /> This is why few people ask me to dinner, <br /> though Lord knows I don’t go out of my way to be scary.''' * If I roll my eyes and mutter, <br /> if I clutch at my heart and scream in horror <br /> like a third-rate actress chewing up a mad scene, <br /> I do it in private and nobody sees <br /> but the bathroom mirror. * In general I might agree with you: <br /> women should not contemplate war, <br /> should not weigh tactics impartially, <br /> or evade the word ''enemy'', <br /> or view both sides and denounce nothing. <br /> Women should march for peace, <br /> or hand out white feathers to arouse bravery, <br /> spit themselves on bayonets <br /> to protect their babies, <br /> whose skulls will be split anyway, <br /> or, having been raped repeatedly, <br /> hang themselves with their own hair. <br /> These are the functions that inspire general comfort. <br /> That, and the knitting of socks for the troops <br /> and a sort of moral cheerleading. <br /> Also: mourning the dead. <br /> Sons, lovers, and so forth. <br /> All the killed children. * Instead of this, I tell <br /> what I hope will pass as truth. <br /> A blunt thing, not lovely. <br /> The truth is seldom welcome, <br /> especially at dinner, <br /> though I am good at what I do. <br /> '''My trade is courage and atrocities. <br /> I look at them and do not condemn. <br /> I write things down the way they happened, <br /> as near as can be remembered. <br /> I don’t ask ''why'', because it is mostly the same. <br /> Wars happen because the ones who start them <br /> think they can win.''' * '''Despite the propaganda, there are no monsters, <br /> or none that can be finally buried. <br /> Finish one off, and circumstances <br /> and the radio create another. <br /> Believe me: whole armies have prayed fervently <br /> to God all night and meant it, <br /> and been slaughtered anyway.''' <br /> Brutality wins frequently, <br /> and large outcomes have turned on the invention <br /> of a mechanical device, viz. radar. <br /> True, valour sometimes counts for something, <br /> as at Thermopylae. Sometimes being right — <br /> though ultimate virtue, by agreed tradition, <br /> is decided by the winner. <br /> '''Sometimes men throw themselves on grenades <br /> and burst like paper bags of guts <br /> to save their comrades. <br /> I can admire that. <br /> But rats and cholera have won many wars. <br /> Those, and potatoes, <br /> or the absence of them.''' * In the interests of research <br /> I have walked on many battlefields <br /> that once were liquid with pulped <br /> men’s bodies and spangled with exploded <br /> shells and splayed bone. <br /> All of them have been green again <br /> by the time I got there. <br /> Each has inspired a few good quotes in its day. <br /> Sad marble angels brood like hens <br /> over the grassy nests where nothing hatches. * <p>I’m just as human as you.</p><p> But it’s no use asking me for a final statement. <br /> As I say, I deal in tactics. <br /> Also statistics: <br /> for every year of peace there have been four hundred <br /> years of war.</p> ===On Writing Poetry (1995) === [[File:Margaret Atwood 2015.jpg|thumb|It's a feature of our age that if you [[write]] a [[work]] of [[fiction]], everyone assumes that the [[people]] and events in it are disguised [[biography]] — but if you write your biography, it's equally assumed you're [[lying]] your head off.]] :<small>[http://www.library.utoronto.ca/canpoetry/atwood/write.htm Poetry Lecture, Hay On Wye, Wales (June 1995)]</small> * '''It's a feature of our age that if you [[write]] a work of [[fiction]], everyone assumes that the [[people]] and events in it are disguised [[biography]] — but if you write your biography, it's equally assumed you're [[lying]] your head off.''' This last may be [[true]], at any rate of [[poets]]: [[Plato]] said that poets should be excluded from the [[ideal]] republic because they are such liars. I am a poet, and I affirm that this is true. About no subject are poets tempted to lie so much as about their own lives; I know one of them who has floated at least five versions of his autobiography, none of them true. I of course — being also a novelist — am a much more truthful person than that. But since poets lie, how can you believe me? * '''I became a poet at the age of sixteen. I did not intend to do it. It was not my fault.''' * The day I became a poet was a sunny day of no particular ominousness. I was walking across the football field, not because I was sports-minded or had plans to smoke a cigarette behind the field house — the only other reason for going there — but because this was my normal way home from school. '''I was scuttling along in my usual furtive way, suspecting no ill, when a large invisible thumb descended from the sky and pressed down on the top of my head. A poem formed.''' It was quite a gloomy poem: the poems of the young usually are. It was a gift, this poem — a gift from an anonymous donor, and, as such, both exciting and sinister at the same time. I suspect this is the way all poets begin writing poetry, only they don't want to admit it, so they make up more rational explanations. But this is the true explanation, and I defy anyone to disprove it. * I did not know that the rules about these things were different if you were female. I did not know that "poetess" was an insult, and that I myself would some day be called one. I did not know that to be told I had transcended my gender would be considered a compliment. I didn't know — yet — that black was compulsory. All of that was in the future. '''When I was sixteen, it was simple. Poetry existed; therefore it could be written; and nobody had told me — yet — the many, many reasons why it could not be written by me.''' * As for my birth month, a detail of much interest to poets, obsessed as they are with symbolic systems of all kinds: I was not pleased, during my childhood, to have been born in November, as there wasn't much inspiration for birthday party motifs. February children got hearts, May ones flowers, but what was there for me? A cake surrounded by withered leaves? November was a drab, dark and wet month, lacking even snow; its only noteworthy festival was [[w:Remembrance Day|Remembrance Day]]. But in adult life I discovered that November was, astrologically speaking, the month of sex, death and regeneration, and that November First was the Day of the Dead. It still wouldn't have been much good for birthday parties, but it was just fine for poetry, which tends to revolve a good deal around sex and death, with regeneration optional. * My English teacher from 1955, run to ground by some documentary crew trying to explain my life, said that in her class I had showed no particular promise. This was true. Until the descent of the giant thumb, I showed no particular promise. I also showed no particular promise for some time afterwards, but I did not know this. '''A lot of being a poet consists of willed ignorance. If you woke up from your trance and realized the nature of the life-threatening and dignity-destroying precipice you were walking along, you would switch into actuarial sciences immediately.''' If I had not been ignorant in this particular way, I would not have announced to an assortment of my high school female friends, in the cafeteria one brown-bag lunchtime, that I was going to be a writer. '''I said "writer," not "poet;" I did have some common sense.''' But my announcement was certainly a conversation-stopper. Sticks of celery were suspended in mid-crunch, peanut-butter sandwiches paused halfway between table and mouth; nobody said a word. One of those present reminded me of this incident recently — I had repressed it — and said she had been simply astounded. "Why?," I said. "Because I wanted to be a writer?" "No," she said. "Because you had the guts to say it out loud." * The one good thing to be said about announcing yourself as a writer in the colonial Canadian fifties is that nobody told me I couldn't do it because I was a girl. They simply found the entire proposition ridiculous. Writers were dead and English, or else extremely elderly and American; they were not sixteen years old and Canadian. It would have been worse if I'd been a boy, though. Never mind the fact that all the really stirring poems I'd read at that time had been about slaughter, mayhem, sex and death — poetry was thought of as existing in the pastel female realm, along with embroidery and flower arranging. If I'd been male I would probably have had to roll around in the mud, in some boring skirmish over whether or not I was a sissy. * I will pass over my flirtation with journalism as a way of making a living, an idea I dropped when I discovered that in the fifties — unlike now — female journalists always ended up writing the obituaries and the ladies' page. But how was I to make a living? There was not a roaring market in poetry, there, then. I thought of running away and being a waitress, which I later tried, but got very tired and thin; there's nothing like clearing away other people's mushed-up dinners to make you lose your appetite * '''After a year or two of keeping my head down and trying to pass myself off as a normal person, I made contact with the five other people at my university who were interested in writing'''; and through them, and some of my teachers, I discovered that there was a whole subterranean Wonderland of Canadian writing that was going on just out of general earshot and sight * Like all twenty-one-year-old poets, I thought I would be dead by thirty, and [[Sylvia Plath]] had not set a helpful example. For a while there, you were made to feel that, if a poet and female, you could not really be serious about it unless you'd made a least one suicide attempt. So I felt I was running out of time. * A lot of poets published their own work then; unlike novels, poetry was short, and therefore cheap to do. We had to print each poem separately, and then disassemble it, as there were not enough a's for the whole book; the cover was done with a lino-block. We printed 250 copies, and sold them through bookstores, for 50 cents each. They now go in the rare book trade for eighteen hundred dollars a pop. Wish I'd kept some. * '''I no longer feel I'll be dead by thirty; now it's sixty. I suppose these deadlines we set for ourselves are really a way of saying we appreciate time, and want to use all of it. I'm still writing, I'm still writing poetry, I still can't explain why, and I'm still running out of time.''' [[William Wordsworth|Wordsworth]] was sort of right when he said, "Poets in their youth begin in gladness/ But thereof comes in the end despondency and madness." Except that sometimes poets skip the gladness and go straight to the despondency. Why is that? Part of it is the conditions under which poets work — giving all, receiving little in return from an age that by and large ignores them — and part of it is cultural expectation — "The lunatic, the lover and the poet," says Shakespeare, and notice which comes first. My own theory is that poetry is composed with the melancholy side of the brain, and that if you do nothing but, you may find yourself going slowly down a long dark tunnel with no exit. I have avoided this by being ambidextrous: I write novels too. But when I find myself writing poetry again, it always has the surprise of that first unexpected and anonymous gift. === [[w:Dancing_Girls_(short_story_collection)|Dancing Girls]] (1996) === * Her mother volunteered that the thing about people from another culture was that you could never tell whether they were insane or not because their ways were so different. ** Short story,'' 'The Man from Mars' '', at p.26 ''[Page numbers per the 1996 Vintage Books paperback edition.]'' * She attracted people he called "sponges". ** Short story,'' 'Betty' '', at p.34 === Ophelia Has a Lot to Answer For (1997) === :<small>[http://www.owtoad.com/ophelia.html Speech at the Stratford Festival (September 1997)]</small> * It must be said at the outset that the field of mental illness has always been debatable ground. Who is sane, who isn't, and who is qualified to judge? Standards have fluctuated wildly, and abuses have been numerous. In the last century, in the United States, a wife could be committed to an asylum on the say-so of her husband and two easily-paid-off doctors alone, and there are cases on record of wives who were "put away" for holding theological opinions that differed from those of the husband, or for refusing to have as much sex as he would like. * That old standby of melodrama, the rich uncle shoved into the bin so the greedy relatives could get their hands on his estate, had a sound basis in fact. The Victorians cleaned up the straw and the chains of the old Bedlam-like institutions of the eighteenth century, but they didn't always clean up the practices. Patients were drugged, starved, drained of vast quantities of blood, beaten up, swung from ropes, immersed in cold water and whirled around in the air upside-down, all in the belief that it would improve their mental states. Ask yourself whether this is likely to have been true. * For every age there is a popular idea about what madness is, what causes it, and how a mad person should look and behave; and it's usually these popular ideas, rather than those of medical professionals, that turn up in songs and stories and plays and books. * For a thousand years, the Bible was almost the only book people read, if they could read at all. The stories that were officially told and portrayed were Biblical and religious stories. That other fount of Western civilization as we know it today — the Greek classics — went largely unknown until the Renaissance. For our purposes, there's a noteworthy difference between these two literatures: in the Bible people are hardly ever said to be mad as such, whereas in Greek drama they go off their rockers with alarming frequency. It was the rediscovery of the classics that stimulated the long procession of literary madpeople of the past four hundred years. * However, there are all sorts of behaviours in the Bible that might be called mad now, but aren't designated as insanity by the text itself. People see visions — of angels going up and down ladders, of fiery chariots — and, like Moses, who hears a bush talking, and Balaam the prophet who has a conversation with his donkey, they hear voices of those who cannot be said to be present in any usual sense of the word. They also speak in tongues, as the disciples do at Pentecost. Like madness, the visions, the voices and the speaking in tongues are due to external and usually divine agencies. In a world so permeated with supernatural powers, there are no accidents, and in one so riddled with prophets — who went into a frenzy while prophesying — many more kinds of behaviour were accepted as normal, at least for a prophet or an inspired person, than would be the case now. John the Baptist, dressed in animal skins and wandering around in the wilderness denouncing his social superiors, was not thought of as a de-institutionalized street person who's gone off his medications, but as a saint. And this was the pattern for mediaeval views of aberrant behaviour — if you were acting crazy it was a divine punishment, or else you were possessed, by powers either divine or demonic — perhaps aided, in the latter case, by witches. * What Elizabethan playwrights learned from the Greek classics was not theories of insanity, but dramatic practice — that is, madness is a dandy theatrical element. It focuses the audience's attention and increases suspense, since you never know what a mad person may get up to next; and Shakespeare himself makes use of it in many forms. In King Lear, there's a scene in which one man pretending to be mad, another who has really gone mad, and a third who has probably always been a little addled, are brought together for purposes of comparison, irony, pathos, and tour de force acting. In Hamlet, there are two variations — Hamlet himself, who assumes madness, and Ophelia, who really does go winsomely bonkers. In MacBeth, it's Lady MacBeth who snaps. * When women let their hair down, it means either sexiness or craziness or death, the three by Victorian times having become virtually synonymous. * We tend to think of [[Freud]] as a great innovator, but the truth is that he himself rested, like a ship on an iceberg, on a huge body of [[theory]] and [[knowledge]] which had accumulated before his time. Even the famous Unconscious had made its appearance at least seven decades earlier. As for such supposedly modern phenomena as multiple personalities, the vogue for them began in the first half of the nineteenth century; and the first case in which the perpetrator of a murder pleaded amnesia, and got off, was in the eighteen eighties. * As I was writing about Grace Marks, and about her interlude in the Asylum, I came to see her in context — the context of other people's opinions, both the popular images of madness and the scientific explanations for it available at the time. A lot of what was believed and said on the subject appears like sheer lunacy to us now. But we shouldn't be too arrogant — how many of our own theories will look silly when those who follow us have come up with something better? But whatever the scientists may come up with, writers and artists will continue to portray altered mental states, simply because few aspects of our nature fascinate people so much. The so-called mad person will always represent a possible future for every member of the audience — who knows when such a malady may strike? When "mad," at least in literature, you aren't yourself; you take on another self, a self that is either not you at all, or a truer, more elemental one than the person you're used to seeing in the mirror. You're in danger of becoming, in Shakespeare's works, a mere picture or beast, and in Susanna Moodie's words, a mere machine; or else you may become an inspired prophet, a truth-sayer, a shaman, one who oversteps the boundaries of the ordinarily visible and audible, and also, and especially, the ordinarily sayable. Portraying this process is deep power for the artist, partly because it's a little too close to the process of artistic creation itself, and partly because the prospect of losing our self and being taken over by another, unfamiliar self is one of our deepest human fears. ===''[[w:The Blind Assassin|The Blind Assassin]]'' (2000)=== * Ten days after the war ended, my sister Laura drove a car off a bridge. The bridge was being repaired: she went right through the [[Danger]] [[sign]]. The car fell a hundred feet into the ravine, smashing through the treetops feathery with new leaves, then burst into flames and rolled down into the shallow creek at the bottom. Chunks of the bridge fell on top of it. Nothing much was left but charred smithereens. **first lines * '''[[All]] [[stories]] are about [[wolves]]. All worth repeating, that is. Anything else is sentimental drivel.''' …[[Think]] about it. There's escaping from the wolves, fighting the wolves, capturing the wolves, taming the wolves. Being thrown to the wolves, or throwing others to the wolves so the wolves will eat them instead of you. Running with the wolf pack. Turning into a wolf. Best of all, turning into the head wolf. No other decent stories exist. * The only way you can write the truth is to assume that what you set down will never be read. Not by any other person, and not even by yourself at some later date. Otherwise you begin excusing yourself. You must see the writing as emerging like a long scroll of ink from the index finger of your right hand; you must see your left hand erasing it. ===''[[w:Oryx and Crake|Oryx and Crake]]'' (2003)=== *[[Adam]] [[named]] the [[living]] [[animals]], MaddAddam names the dead ones. *Nature is to zoos as God is to churches. *He doesn't know which is worse, a past he can't regain or a present that will destroy him if he looks at it too clearly. Then there's the future. Sheer vertigo. *After everything that's happened, how can the world still be so beautiful? Because it is. *“All it takes,” said Crake, “is the elimination of one generation. One generation of anything. Beetles, trees, microbes, scientists, speakers of French, whatever. Break the link in time between one generation and the next, and it’s game over forever.” *“When any civilization is dust and ashes," he said, "art is all that's left over. Images, words, music. Imaginative structures. Meaning—human meaning, that is—is defined by them. You have to admit that.” *“There's something to be said for hunger: at least it lets you know you're still alive.” *“He has to find more and better ways of occupying his time. His time, what a bankrupt idea, as if he's been given a box of time belonging to him alone, stuffed to the brim with hours and minutes that he can spend like money. Trouble is, the box has holes in it and the time is running out, no matter what he does with it.” *“I am not my childhood," Snowman says out loud. *“Anyway, maybe there weren't any solutions. Human society, corpses and rubble. It never learned, it made the same cretinous mistakes over and over, trading short-term gain for long-term pain." ===''[[w:The Year of the Flood|The Year of the Flood]]'' (2009)=== * Everybody knew. Nobody admitted to knowing. If other people began to discuss it, you tuned them out, because what they were saying was both so obvious and so unthinkable.<br /> ''We are using up the Earth. It is almost gone.'' *“What am I living for and what am I dying for are the same question.” *You can forget who you are if you're alone too much. *“we must be a beacon of hope, because if you tell people there's nothing they can do, they will do worse than nothing.” *I could see how you could do extreme things for the person you loved. Adam One said that when you loved a person, that love might not always get returned the way you wanted, but it was a good thing anyway because love went out all around you like an energy wave, and a creature you didn't know would be helped by it. *How easy it is, treachery. You just slide into it. *“We shouldn't have been so scornful; we should have had compassion. But compassion takes work, and we were young.” *Without the light, no chance; without the dark, no dance. *As with all knowledge, once you knew it, you couldn't imagine how it was that you hadn't known it before. Like stage magic, knowledge before you knew it took place before your very eyes, but you were looking elsewhere. *“I'm fine," said Pilar, "for the moment. And the moment is the only time we can be fine in.” *You couldn’t leave words lying around where our enemies might find them. *“It's better to hope than mope!” *time is not a thing that passes, said Pilar: it’s a sea on which you float. === ''The Progressive'' interview (2010) === [[File:Margaret Atwood in 2015-2.jpg|thumb|A lot of people facing [[fascism]] didn’t become fascists. I don’t happen to believe that we are all monsters.]] :<small>[http://progressive.org/rothschild1210.html "A Progressive Interview With Margaret Atwood"] by Matthew Rothschild, in ''The Progressive'' (2 December 2010)</small> * '''There were a lot of [[utopias]] in the nineteenth century, wonderful [[societies]] that we might possibly construct. Those went pretty much out of fashion after [[World War I]].''' And almost immediately one of the utopias that people were trying to construct, namely the [[Soviet Union]], threw out a writer called [[Zamyatin]] who wrote a seminal book called ''[[w:We (novel)|We]]'', which contains the seeds of [[George Orwell|Orwell]] and [[Aldous Huxley|Huxley]]. '''Writers started doing dystopias after we saw the effects of trying to build utopias that required, unfortunately, the elimination of a lot of people before you could get to the perfect point, which never arrived.''' … I don’t [[believe]] in a [[perfect]] [[world]]. I don’t believe it’s achievable, and I believe the people who try to achieve it usually end up turning it into something like [[Cambodia]] or something very similar because purity tests set in. Are you ideologically pure enough to be allowed to live? Well, it turns out that very few people are, so you end up with a big powerful struggle and a mass killing scene. * '''The fabric of [[democracy]] is always fragile everywhere because it depends on the [[will]] of [[citizens]] to protect it, and when they become scared, when it becomes dangerous for them to defend it, it can go very quickly.''' * After I wrote ''Handmaid’s Tale'', people came up to me and asked why weren’t there any protests. And I said, “You don’t understand [[totalitarianism]].” A real totalitarianism doesn’t fool around with protests in the streets. * '''A lot of people facing [[fascism]] didn’t become fascists. I don’t happen to believe that we are all monsters.''' ===''MaddAddam'' (2013)=== *There's the story, then there's the real story, then there's the story of how the story came to be told. Then there's what you leave out of the story. Which is part of the story too. *“Life is warped. I'm just in sync.” *“But hatred and viciousness are addictive. You can get high on them. Once you've had a little, you start shaking if you don't get more.” “Why is it always such a surprise? thinks Toby. The moon. Even though we know it's coming. Every time we see it, it makes us pause, and hush.” “People need such stories, because however dark, a darkness with voices in it is better than a silent void.” *Why is war so much like a practical joke? she thinks. Hiding behind bushes, leaping out, with not much difference between Boo! and Bang! except the blood. *Amazing how quickly the past becomes idyllic. *“Gender roles suck," says Swift Fox. Then you should stop playing them, thinks Toby. === "Am I a bad feminist?" (2018) === <small>[https://www.theglobeandmail.com/opinion/am-i-a-bad-feminist/article37591823/ "Opinion: Am I a bad feminist?"], Opinion in [[W:The_Globe_and_Mail| The Globe and Mail]] (13 January 2018)</small> * My fundamental position is that women are human beings, with the full range of saintly and demonic behaviours this entails, including criminal ones. They're not angels, incapable of wrongdoing. If they were, we wouldn't need a legal system. * Nor do I believe that women are children, incapable of agency or of making moral decisions. If they were, we're back to the 19th century, and women should not own property, have credit cards, have access to higher education, control their own reproduction or vote. There are powerful groups in North America pushing this agenda, but they are not usually considered [[w:Feminism|feminists]]. * Furthermore, I believe that in order to have civil and human rights for women there have to be civil and human rights, period … * … Anyone who doesn't puppet their views is seen as an apostate, a heretic or a traitor, and moderates in the middle are annihilated. Fiction writers are particularly suspect because they write about human beings, and people are morally ambiguous. ==Quotes about Margaret Atwood== * The thing I like most about Margaret Atwood the writer is that she's fearless. Fearlessness... that is revolutionary. **[[Lillian Allen]]. ''Talk Yuh Talk: Interviews with Anglophone Caribbean Poets'' by Kwame Dawes (2000) *she has this future that is totally non-technological; it gets harder and harder to see how we would get to a non-technological future without a terrible war or something, simply because people find technology so convenient. So it isn't likely that they would just give it up. It was an interesting book. **1997 interview in Conversations with [[Octavia Butler]] (2009) *My writing ambition was sharpened by Margaret Atwood, The Handmaid’s Tale, an unapologetically political novel that reminds us of what it costs to be a woman in this world or the next. **[[Roxane Gay]] interview quoted [https://lithub.com/the-books-that-made-your-favorite-writers-want-to-write/ here] *Margaret Atwood has written: "You tell the story you have to tell; let others tell the story that they have to tell." **1996 interview in ''Conversations with [[Bharati Mukherjee]]'' Edited by Bradley C. Edwards (2009) *Margaret Atwood is an extraordinarily good writer who has produced widely different books: so far, two novels, five books of poetry, and a critical guide to Canadian literature. She possesses an unusual combination of wit and satiric edge, a fine critical intelligence, and an ability to go deep into the irrational earth of the psyche. Her books are varied in genre yet through everyone of them run victor/victim and quest for self-themes, a set of symbols, and a developing underlay of theory. Some themes she shares with other Canadians, and others are characteristic of our developing women's culture. All are vital and juicy...Atwood is a large and remarkable writer. Her concerns are nowhere petty. Her novels and poems move and engage me deeply, can matter to people who read them. As she has come to identify herself consciously, cannily, looking all ways in that tradition she has defined as literature of a victimized colony, I hope that she will also come to help consciously define another growing body to which her work in many of its themes belongs: a women's culture. With her concern with living by eating, with that quest for the self that [[Barbara Demming]] has found at the heart of major works by women from the last 150 years with her passion for becoming conscious of one's victimization and ceasing to acquiesce, with her insistence on nature as a living whole of which we are all interdependent parts, with her respect for the irrational center of the psyche and the healing experiences beyond logical control, her insistence on joining the divided head and body, her awareness of roleplaying and how women suffocate in the narrow crevices of sexual identity, she is part of that growing women's culture already... **[[Marge Piercy]] "Beyond Victimhood" in ''Parti-Colored Blocks for a Quilt'' (1983) *''Surfacing'' is not a programmatic novel. It is the work of a poet, filled with animistic and super-natural materials. **[[Adrienne Rich]], “Motherhood and Daughterhood” ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{commonscat}} *[http://www.owtoad.com/ Margaret Atwood's home page] *[http://www.vformation.tv/Site/Margaret_Atwood.html Official website for the documentary about Margaret Atwood, Turning Pages] *[http://books.guardian.co.uk/departments/generalfiction/story/0,6000,943485,00.html Profile] from ''[[w:The Guardian|The Guardian]]'' *[http://www.cariboo.bc.ca/atwood/ The Margaret Atwood Society home page] *[http://web.archive.org/web/20000118214252/http://www.salon.com/jan97/interview970120.html January 1997 Interview] with [[w:Salon.com|Salon.com]] *[http://www.unotchit.com/ Unotchit Inc. official website] *[http://www.pittnews.com/vnews/display.v/ART/2005/01/26/41f7283f5343a Atwood invents, signs, backs up with facts] *[http://www.neilgaiman.com/journal/2005/01/why-automatic-kissing-machines-are-bad.asp Commentary on Unotchit] from [[Neil Gaiman]] *[http://nealpollack.com/archives/2005/01/index.html#a000211 Commentary on Unotchit] from [[w:Neal Pollack|Neal Pollack]] *[http://wiredforbooks.org/margaretatwood/ 1986 Audio Interview with Margaret Atwood - RealAudio (30 min 14 s)] *[http://books.guardian.co.uk/authors/author/0,5917,-11,00.html Guardian Books "Author Page"], with profile and links to further articles. *[http://www.ilnarratore.com/show.php?type=author&language=en&aid=32&tpl=/eng/autore.tpl.html ''"Game after Supper"'' - ''"Take my Hand"''] - on audio MP3 (in Canadian English) *[https://www.hulu.com/the-handmaids-tale ''Margaret Atwood's "The Handmaid's Tale"''] TV Series on [[w:Hulu|Hulu]] {{DEFAULTSORT:Atwood, Margaret}} [[Category:1939 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Academics from Canada]] [[Category:Novelists from Canada]] [[Category:Science fiction authors from Canada]] [[Category:People from Ottawa]] [[Category:Short story writers from Canada]] [[Category:Essayists from Canada]] [[Category:Women authors]] [[Category:Environmentalists from Canada]] [[Category:Activists from Canada]] [[Category:Feminists]] [[Category:Literary critics]] [[Category:Poets from Canada]] [[Category:Educators from Canada]] [[Category:Agnostics]] [[Category:Humanists]] [[Category:Booker Prize winners]] [[Category:Postmodern authors]] [[Category:Inventors]] [[Category:Women from Canada]] [[Category:Women born in the 1930s]] dzz0zvetum10q87y3dcprec60oji76r 0 6409 3778674 2804387 2025-07-14T13:45:41Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Comedians]]; added [[Category:Comedians from Germany]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778674 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:2008-02-02 Fred Kellner u. die famosen Soulsisters feat. Anke Engelke, Rhein-Mosel-Halle, Koblenz IMG 6608.jpg|thumb|right|You should stop, when you're on top of your game — but we didn't have the courage after the first show.]] '''[[w:Anke Engelke|Anke Engelke]]''' (born [[21 December]] [[1965]]) is a German comedian and actress. {{actor-stub}} == Quotes == * ''Ich bin so aufgeregt wie in meiner ersten Sendung. Da schließt sich der Kreis. Der Teufelskreis.'' ** I am as excited as in my first show. There the circle closes itself. The Devil's circle. ** On the last ''Anke Late Night'' show (21 October 2004) * ''Man soll aufhören, wenn es am schönsten ist - aber wir hatten nach der ersten Sendung nicht den Mut.'' ** You should stop, when you're on top of your game — but we didn't have the courage after the first show. ** On the last ''Anke Late Night'' show (21 October 2004) *''Tonight, nobody could vote for their own country, but it is good to be able to vote and it is good to have a choice. Good luck on your journey, Azerbaijan. Europe is watching you!'' ** "Heute Abend konnte niemand für sein eigenes Land abstimmen. Aber es ist gut wählen zu können, und es ist gut eine Wahl zu haben. Viel Glück auf Deiner Reise, Aserbaidschan. Europa beobachtet Dich!" ** Anke Engelke's jab at Azerbaijan's dictatorship, while actually announcing the German vote in the [[w:Eurovision Song Contest 2012|2012 Eurovision Song Contest]]. Transmitted live on TV to 120 million viewers, including the Azerbaijan state TV. (May 26th, 2012). == Audiobooks == * 2009: Heike Faller: ''Wie ich einmal versuchte, reich zu werden'', publisher: Random House Audio, ISBN 978-3-8371-7610-0 * 2013: Felix Salten: ''Bambi: Eine Lebensgeschichte aus dem Walde'', publisher: tacheles, ISBN 978-3864840289 ==External links== {{wikipedia}} * [http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0257237/ Anke Engelke] at IMDb *[http://www.synchronkartei.de/index.php5?action=show&type=talker&id=1636 Anke Engelke] at the German Dubbing Card Index <br clear="all"> {{DEFAULTSORT:Engelke, Anke}} [[Category:People from Montreal]] [[Category:Actresses from Germany]] [[Category:Comedians from Germany]] [[Category:Television personalities]] [[Category:1965 births]] [[Category:Living people]] h70f0ulip7qqye46fbrep6ungr2z0rm 0 6611 3778530 3390074 2025-07-14T12:37:57Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Architects]]; added [[Category:Architects from Canada]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778530 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Moshe Safdie.jpg|thumb|Moshe Safdie (2004)]] '''[[w:Moshe Safdie|Moshe Safdie]]''' (born July 14, 1938) is an [[w:Israel|Israeli]]-[[w:Canada|Canadian]] [[w:architect|architect]]. {{people-stub}} == Quotes == * When I got my first commission after [[w:Habitat '67|Habitat]], for a few weeks I couldn't draw." ** [[w:Canadian Broadcasting Corporation|CBC]] television interview, used for many years in [[w:CBMT-TV|CBC Montreal]]'s sign-on montage *Architecture is not about building the impossible, which we can do if we have enough money and enough tools and enough computers, it is about building what is appropriate and about attaining beauty through such an approach. I describe this premise as "inherent buildability and I believe it is central to what I do. **from lecture ''Megascale, Order and Complexity'' held in Emmertal, Germany on July 27, 2008 == ''Form and Purpose'' (1982): == He who seeks Truth<br> Shall find Beauty He who seeks Beauty<br> Shall find Vanity He who seeks Order<br> Shall find Gratification He who seeks Gratification<br> Shall be Disappointed He who considers himself as the servant of his fellow being<br> Shall find the joy of Self-Expression He who seeks Self-Expression<br> Shall fall into the pit of Arrogance Arrogance is incompatible with nature<br> Thru the nature of the universe<br> and the nature of man<br> we shall seek Truth If we seek truth we shall find Beauty == External links== {{Wikipedia}} {{Commons category|Moshe Safdie}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Safdie, Moshe}} [[Category:Architects from Canada]] [[Category:Jews from Israel]] [[Category:Canadian Jews]] [[Category:1938 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:People from Haifa]] [[Category:Non-fiction authors from Canada]] [[Category:Academics from Israel]] [[Category:Academics from Canada]] [[Category:Educators from Canada]] [[Category:Immigrants to Canada]] if12d03uqpo5duw54my3d7k5ib5ggd8 0 6915 3778715 3574100 2025-07-14T14:03:53Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Comedians]]; added [[Category:Comedians from the United States]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778715 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Gilda Radner - 1980.jpg|thumb|Gilda Radner in 1980]] [[File:GildaRadner-walkoffame.jpg|thumb]] '''[[w:Gilda Radner|Gilda Radner]]''' ([[28 June]] [[1946]] – [[20 May]] [[1989]]) was an American comedian and actor. {{actor-stub}} == Quotes == * Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity. **''It's Always Something'' (1989, 2009 edition) * It is so hard for us little human beings to accept this deal that we get. It's really crazy, isn't it? We get to live, then we have to die. What we put into every moment is all we have… What spirit human beings have! It is a pretty cheesy deal—all the pleasures of life, and then death. **''It's Always Something'' (1989, 2009 edition), p. 87 * While we have the gift of life, it seems to me the only tragedy is to allow part of us to die—whether it is our spirit, our creativity or our glorious uniqueness. ** [https://books.google.com.au/books?id=mrTYvoaUlTAC&pg=PA23 ''Cells'' Popular's Young Discoverer Series, Discovery Channel] (1988), p. 23, == Quotes about Gilda Radner == * A company producing a television commercial was looking for child dancers. … It was a commercial set in the fifties, and a young family broke into dance. I was the son; I had a sister, a father, and a mother, who was played by Gilda Radner. Gilda had not yet been hired for ''[[Saturday Night Live]]'' (in fact, ''Saturday Night Live'' didn’t exist yet). It was a four-day shoot, and I, like every other human being who met her, fell in love with Gilda. And on the last day of the shoot, we said our goodbyes in the parking lot. I cried like a baby. My whole family came to pick me up, and upon seeing me crying, my brothers gave me a new nickname to replace Twinkletoes. I was hereby called Sucky Baby, because of the emotion I had displayed upon my cruel separation from Ms. Gilda Radner, who became known in my house as “your girlfriend.” I was Sucky Baby for ten years. ** [[Mike Myers]] in "The Next Great Nation", chapter 3 of his memoir ''Canada'' (2016) == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Radner, Gilda}} [[Category:1946 births]] [[Category:1989 deaths]] [[Category:Actresses from the United States]] [[Category:Jews from the United States]] [[Category:Comedians from the United States]] [[Category:People from Michigan]] [[Category:People from Detroit]] [[Category:Primetime Emmy Award winners]] [[Category:Women born in the 1940s]] 0glugfzfbcfq4r5av01x3xwc525zm7f 0 7062 3778945 3508841 2025-07-15T00:32:05Z Hhbowie 3224891 /* The Fifth Discipline (1990) */ Corrected the wording in several places. 3778945 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Peter Senge.jpg|thumb|right|It is a testament to our naïveté about [[culture]] that we think that we can [[change]] it by simply declaring new [[values]]. Such declarations usually produce only [[cynicism]].]] '''[[w:Peter Senge|Peter M. Senge]]''' (born [[1947]]) is an American scientist, director of the Center for [[Organizational Learning]] at the MIT Sloan School of Management and author of the seminal work on learning organizations, ''[[w:The Fifth Discipline|The Fifth Discipline]]'' (1990). == Quotes == [[File:Peter Senge at Quest to Learn.jpg|thumb| When executives lead as [[teachers]], stewards, and designers, they fill roles that are much more subtle and long-term than those of [[power]]-wielding hierarchical leaders.]] * '''It is a testament to our naïveté about [[culture]] that we think that we can [[change]] it by simply declaring new [[values]]. Such declarations usually produce only [[cynicism]].''' ** ''The Fifth Discipline Fieldbook'' (1994) * '''When executives lead as [[teachers]], stewards, and designers, they fill roles that are much more subtle and long-term than those of [[power]]-wielding hierarchical leaders.''' ** "Leading learning organizations," ''Training & Development'', 50:12, (December 1996) === ''The Art and Practice of the Learning Organization'' (1990) === * '''Real learning gets to the heart of what it means to be human. Through learning we re-create ourselves.''' Through learning we become able to do something we never were able to do. Through learning we reperceive the world and our relationship to it. Through learning we extend our capacity to create, to be part of the generative process of life. '''There is within each of us a deep hunger for this type of learning.''' * "[[Learning organizations]]" [are] organizations where people continually expand their capacity to create the results they truly desire, where new and expansive patterns of thinking are nurtured, where collective aspiration is set free, and where people are continually learning how to learn together. * '''In a [[learning organization]], leaders are designers, stewards, and teachers.''' They are responsible for building organizations where people continually expand their capabilities to understand complexity, clarify vision, and improve shared mental models – that is, they are responsible for learning. * Learning to see the structures within which we operate begins a process of freeing ourselves from previously unseen forces and ultimately mastering the ability to work with them and change them. === ''The Dance of Change'' (1999) === * In essence, leaders are people who "walk ahead," people genuinely committed to deep changes, in themselves and in their organizations. * '''Mutual reflection. Open and candid conversation. Questioning of old beliefs and assumptions.''' Learning to let go. Awareness of how our own actions create the systemic structures that produce our problems. '''Developing these learning capabilities lies at the heart of profound change.''' * '''We believe that, ultimately, the most important learning occurs in the context of our day-to-day life, the aspirations we pursue, the challenges we face, and the responses we bring forth.''' === ''The Fifth Discipline'' (1990) === * A cloud masses, the sky darkens, leaves twist upward, and we know that it will rain. We also know that after the storm, the runoff will feed into groundwater miles away, and the sky will clear by tomorrow. All these events are distant in time and space, and yet they are all connected within the same pattern. Each has an influence on the rest, an influence that is usually hidden from view. You can only understand the system of a rainstorm by contemplating the whole, not any individual part of the pattern.<br>[[Business]]es and other human endeavors are also systems. They, too, are bound by invisible fabrics of interrelated actions, which often take years to fully play out their effects on each other. Since we are part of that lacework ourselves, it's doubly hard to see the whole pattern of change. Instead we tend to focus on snapshots of isolated parts of the system, and wonder why our deepest problems never seem to get solved. ** p. 7 * [[Systems thinking]] is a framework for seeing interrelationships rather than things, for seeing patterns rather than static snapshots. It is a set of general principles spanning fields as diverse as physical and social sciences, engineering and management ** p. 68 * [[Systems thinking]] is a discipline for seeing the 'structures' that underlie complex situations, and for discerning high from low leverage change. That is, by seeing wholes we learn how to foster health. To do so, systems thinking offers a language that begins by restructuring how we think. ** p. 69 * "Scratch the surface of most cynics and you find a frustrated idealist – someone who made the mistake of converting his ideals into expectations" ** p.146 ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{commonscat}} * [http://solonline.org/ SoL, Society for Organizational Learning - which Senge founded] * [http://www.pegasuscom.com/pc09/keynotes.html#senge/ Systems Thinking in Action Conference, an annual event that Senge has keynoted for the last 19 years] *[http://www.morethansound.net/blog/2013/04/leading-the-necessary-revolution/ Leading The Necessary Revolution] *[http://www.morethansound.net/blog/2013/01/moral-development-in-learning-organizations/ Moral Development in Learning Organizations] {{DEFAULTSORT:Senge, Peter}} [[Category:1947 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Academics from the United States]] [[Category:Authors from the United States]] [[Category:Business theorists from the United States]] [[Category:Educators from the United States]] [[Category:Systems scientists]] [[Category:People from California]] [[Category:Massachusetts Institute of Technology alumni]] ts4zlubeoyvt7hayg1d5e4j3fqpsg6w 0 7793 3778718 3246520 2025-07-14T14:04:42Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Comedians]]; added [[Category:Comedians from India]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778718 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Senthil|Senthil]]''' (born 23 March 1951) is a comedic actor from [[Tamil Nadu]], [[India]]. {{actor-stub}} == Quotes == * Comedy is like a sweet. On auspicious occasions and during celebrations sweets are always offered. We offer a unique flavour. ** {{cite web| url=http://www.hinduonnet.com/thehindu/2001/06/08/stories/0908022a.htm| title=From scratch to success| accessdate=2006-08-23}} == External links == {{wikipedia}} [[Category:Comedians from India]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Actors from India]] [[Category:Tamil people]] mb2fogqmx2ewp43awid5lfeg5cc8fml 0 9140 3778835 3706211 2025-07-14T20:06:30Z Dronebogus 3078761 3778835 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} [[File:Sylvester Stallone - 1977.jpg|thumb|Yo, Adrian!]] '''''[[w:Rocky|Rocky]]''''' is a [[w:1976 in film|1976 film]] about a small-time Philadelphia boxer who gets a supremely rare chance to fight the world heavyweight champion in a bout in which he strives to go the distance for his self-respect. :''Directed by [[w:John G. Avildsen|John G. Avildsen]]. Written by [[w:Sylvester Stallone|Sylvester Stallone]].'' {{center|'''His whole life was a million-to-one shot.'''}} == Rocky Balboa == * I just want to say hi to my girlfriend, OK? '''Yo, Adrian!''' It's me, Rocky. **''Note: bolded portion is ranked #80 in the [[w:AFI's 100 Years... 100 Movie Quotes|American Film Institute's list of the top 100 movie quotations]] in American cinema''. == Dialogue == :''[Rocky and Adrian go out]'' :'''Rocky''': Listen, I don't want no turkey anyway, ya know. :'''Adrian''': But it was Thanksgiving. :'''Rocky''': It was what? :'''Adrian''': It was Thanksgiving. :'''Rocky''': Yeah, to you. But to me, it's Thursday, right? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Apollo and his team are brainstorming about his next opponent for the New Year's Day match]'' :'''Apollo''': What do you think about Billy Snow? :'''Jergens''': Fouls. :'''Apollo''': How 'bout Big Chuck Smith? Yeah. :'''Duke''': Nah. He's too old and dull. ''[points out]'' Hey, Bobby Judd. He's a good boy. :'''Apollo''': No, I don't feel any heat from that name. :'''Jergens''': Joe Zach's a good prospect. ''[approaches Apollo]'' Exactly what are you looking for, Apollo? :'''Apollo''': ''[shows Jergens somebody in a local fight book]'' This is what I'm looking for. 'The Italian Stallion.' :'''Jergens''': Rocky Balboa? Never heard of him. :'''Apollo''': Look, it's the name, man. 'The Italian Stallion.' The media'll eat it up. Now who discovered America? [[w:Christopher Columbus|An Italian]], right? What would be better than to get it on with one of his descendants? :'''Duke''': He's a southpaw. I don't want you messing around with southpaws. They do everything backwards. :'''Apollo''': Southpaw, nothin'. I'll drop him in three. ''[visualizes title]'' "Apollo Creed Meets the Italian Stallion". ''[laughs]''... Sounds like a damn monster movie. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Jergens''': Balboa, George Jergens. Take a chair please. Mr. Balboa. :'''Rocky''': Call me Rocky sir. :'''Jergens''': Tell me Rocky, you've got any representation of a manager? :'''Rocky''': No just me. :'''Jergens''': Rocky I've got a proposition I'd like to make to you. :'''Rocky''': Sparring? :'''Jergens''': I beg your pardon? :'''Rocky''': Well, I'm interested. I know you're looking for sparring partners and I just want to say I'm very available you know. :'''Jergens''': I'm sure you are. :'''Rocky''': Absolutely. Sparring with the champ would be an honor and you know what, Mr. Jergens? :'''Jergens''': What? :'''Rocky''': I wouldn't take no cheap shots either. I'd be a really good sparring partner. :'''Jergens''': You don't understand me, Rocky. My proposition is this. Would you be interested in fighting Apollo Creed for the World Heavyweight Championship? :'''Rocky''': No. :'''Jergens''': Listen Rocky, Apollo's seen you fight. He likes you and he wants to fight you. :'''Rocky''': It's just that you see I fight in clubs you know. I'm really a ham-and-egger and this guy's the best. It wouldn't be such a good fight. Thank you very much though, I appreciate it. :'''Jergens''': Rocky, do you believe that America is the land of opportunity? :'''Rocky''': Yes. :'''Jergens''': Apollo Creed does. He's going to prove it to the whole world by giving an unknown a shot at the title and that unknown is you. He picked you, Rocky. Rocky it's the chance of a lifetime. You can't pass it by. What do you say? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Reporter''': Why did you agree to fight a man who has virtually no chance of winning? :'''Apollo''': Look, if history proves one thing, American history proves that everybody's got a chance to win. Didn't you guys ever hear of [[w:Valley Forge|Valley Forge]] or [[w:Battle of Bunker Hill|Bunker Hill]]? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mickey''': I'm here to warn ya, that ya gotta be very careful about this shot that you got at the title. Because, like the Bible sez, you ain't gonna get a second chance...Well, what ya need is a manager. A manager, listen to me. I know, because I've been in this racket for 50 years...I've seen it all, all of it. Ya know what I've done? I have done it all. ''[He holds a bare lightbulb in front of his face]'' I've got 21 stitches over this left eye. I've got 34 stitches over this eye. Do ya know that I had my nose busted 17 times? ''[He glances at Rocky's poster of Rocky Marciano]'' Ya kinda remind me of the Rock, ya know that? Ya move like him, ya got heart like he did...I got all this knowledge, I got it up here now, I wanna give it to you...I wanna take care of ya, I wanna make sure that all this shit that happened to me doesn't happen to you...Ya can't buy what I'm gonna give ya. I've got pain and I've got experience. :'''Rocky''': Well, I've got pain, and I've got experience too. :'''Mickey''': Listen, kid. :'''Rocky''': Hey, Mick. :'''Mickey''': What? :'''Rocky''': I needed your help about ten years ago, right? Ten years ago? :'''Mickey''': Right. :'''Rocky''': Ten years ago, ya never helped me none. You didn't care. :'''Mickey''': Well, if you wanted help... I say, if you wanted help, why didn't you ''ask''? Why didn't you just ask me, kid? :'''Rocky''': Look, I asked, but you never heard nothin' :'''Mickey''': Well, I, uh, I know I, I'm 76 years old...and uh well, where the hell is... ''[walks out because Rocky wouldn't even entertain him]'' :'''Rocky''': ''[as Mickey is revealed to be just outside the room but eventually leaves]'' Took you long enough to get here. Took you ten years to come to my house. Huh, what's the matter? You don't like my house? Does my house stink? ''That's right it stinks!'' I didn't ask no favours from you! Don't slum around me! Talking about your prime. ''What about my prime Mick!? Least you had a prime!'' I didn't have no prime, I didn't have nothin'. Leg's are goin', everythin's goin'. Nobody's gettin' no nothin'. Guy comes up, offers me a fight. Big deal, you wanna fight the fight? Yeah I'll fight the big fight. I'm gonna go and fight that big fight and you know what's going to happen to me? ''I'm gonna get that! [punches mattress] I'm gonna get that! [punches mattress]'' And you wanna be ringside and see it? Do ya? You wanna help me out? Huh!? Do you wanna see me get my face kicked in!? Leg's ain't workin'. Nothin's workin'. They go "Go on fight the champ". Yeah I'll fight him. Get my face kicked in. ''And you come around here, you wanna move in here with me? Come on in it's a nice house! Real nice! Come on in and move! It stinks! This whole place stinks!'' You wanna help me out? ''Well help me out! Come on help me out, I'm standing here!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Paulie''': ''[about Adrian]'' What's the story? What's happenin'? Ya really like her? :'''Rocky''': Sure, I like her. :'''Paulie''': I don't see it. What's the attraction? :'''Rocky''': I don't know. Fills gaps, I guess. :'''Paulie''': What's 'gaps'? :'''Rocky''': I dunno, gaps. She's got gaps, I got gaps. Together, we fill gaps. I dunno. :'''Paulie''': You ballin' her? :'''Rocky''': ''[irritated]'' Hey! Hey, ya don't talk dirty about your sister. :'''Paulie''': Ya screwin' my sister? :'''Rocky''': Ya see. That's why I can't connect ya with Gazzo...because you got a big mouth. You just talk too much. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duke''': ''[watching Rocky punch meat on the TV]'' Hey, Apollo. You better come see this. :'''Apollo''': ''[carelessly]'' What is it? :'''Duke''': This guy, the one you want to fight, he looks serious. :'''Apollo''': Yeah, yeah. ''[not even looking at the TV]'' I'm serious, too. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Rocky is standing alone in the ring at the empty Philadelphia Spectrum, looking at the poster of himself]'' :'''Rocky''': Mr. Jergens, the poster's wrong. :'''Jergens''': What do ya mean? :'''Rocky''': Well, I'm wearin' white pants with a red stripe. :'''Jergens''': It doesn't really matter, does it? I'm sure you're gonna give us a great show. Try to get some rest, kid. <hr width="50%"/> :''[In Rocky's corner after Round 1]'' :'''Mickey''': Your nose is broken. :'''Rocky''': How does it look? :'''Mickey''': Ah, it's an improvement. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The final bell has rung, ending the 15th round and the fight]'' :'''Apollo''': Ain't gonna be no rematch. Ain't gonna be no rematch. :'''Rocky''': Don't want one. == Cast == * [[Sylvester Stallone]] - Rocky Balboa * [[w:Talia Shire|Talia Shire]] - Adrian Pennino * [[w:Burt Young|Burt Young]] - Paulie Pennino * [[w:Carl Weathers|Carl Weathers]] - Apollo Creed * [[w:Burgess Meredith|Burgess Meredith]] - Mickey Goldmill * [[w:Thayer David|Thayer David]] - George Jergens * [[w:Joe Spinell|Joe Spinell]] - Tony Gazzo == External links == {{wikipedia|Rocky}} * {{imdb title|id=0075148|title=Rocky}} * {{rotten-tomatoes|id=rocky|title=Rocky}} * [http://www.filmsite.org/rock.html ''Rocky'' at Filmsite.org] == See also == * ''[[Rocky (film series)]]'' * ''[[Rocky II]]'' [[Category:1976 films]] [[Category:Drama films]] [[Category:Boxing films]] [[Category:Best Picture Academy Award winners]] [[Category:Screenplays by Sylvester Stallone]] [[Category:Films set in Philadelphia]] [[Category:United States National Film Registry films]] [[Category:Films set in the 1970s]] [[Category:1970s English-language films]] [[es:Rocky Balboa]] [[it:Rocky]] [[he:רוקי]] [[no:Rocky]] [[tr:Rocky]] b9oxcshsb68u0wyff1r1v0fnsj0xjch 14 9213 3778580 3631764 2025-07-14T12:49:04Z UDScott 4304 Moving from [[Category:Activists]] to [[Category:Activists by issue]] using [[c:Help:Cat-a-lot|Cat-a-lot]] 3778580 wikitext text/x-wiki {{Wikipedia}} [[Category:Environmentalism]] [[Category:Activists by issue]] 1vb8giz53ynatkc7k46hun8d11d6zw1 0 9601 3778485 3238799 2025-07-14T12:21:30Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Architects]]; added [[Category:Architects from France]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778485 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Le Corbusier (1964).jpg|thumb|It is a question of building which is at the root of the social unrest of today: architecture or revolution.]] [[File:CHF10 8 front.jpg|thumb|Modern life demands, and is waiting for, a new kind of plan, both for the house and the city.]] '''[[w:Le Corbusier|Charles-Édouard Jeanneret]]''' ([[October 6]], [[1887]] – [[August 27]], [[1965]]), better known as '''Le Corbusier''', was a Swiss-born French [[architect]], {{w|designer}}, {{w|urbanist}}, [[writer]], and one of the pioneers of what is now called modern architecture. == Quotes == [[File:Open Hand Monument in Chandigarh.jpg|thumb|right|Space and light and order. Those are the things that men need just as much as they need bread or a place to sleep.]] [[File:Villa Visconti-1-092.jpg|thumb|right|You know, it is life that is right and the architect who is wrong.]] === ''Vers une architecture'' [Towards an Architecture] (1923) === * '''Architecture is the masterly, correct and magnificent play of masses brought together in light.''' Our eyes are made to see forms in light; light and shade reveal these forms; cubes, cones, spheres, cylinders or pyramids are the great primary forms which light reveals to advantage; the image of these is distinct and tangible within us without ambiguity. It is for this reason that these are ''beautiful forms, the most beautiful forms.'' Everybody is agreed to that, the child, the savage and the metaphysician. * The "styles" are a lie. * ''Une maison est une machine-à-habiter.'' ** A house is a machine for living in. * You employ stone, wood and concrete, and with these materials you build houses and palaces. That is construction. Ingenuity is at work. <br> But suddenly you touch my heart, you do me good, I am happy and I say: "This is beautiful." That is Architecture. Art enters in. * '''It is a question of building which is at the root of the social unrest of today: architecture or revolution.''' * '''Modern life demands, and is waiting for, a new kind of plan, both for the house and the city.''' === ''La Ville Radieuse'' [The Radiant City] (1933) === * The Despot is not a man. It is the Plan. The correct, realistic, exact plan. === "The Edict of Chandigarh," 1959 === "The Edict of Chandigarh," plaque erected at [[w:Chandigarh|Chandigarh]], [[w:India|India]] as an abbreviated form of the document ''The Establishment Statute of the Land'' (1959-12-17) * The object of this edict is to enlighten the present and future citizens of Chandigarh about the basic concepts of planning of the city so that they become its guardians and save it from whims of individuals. * The city of Chandigarh is planned to human scale. It puts us in touch with the infinite cosmos and nature. It provides us with places and buildings for all human activities by which the citizens can live a full and harmonious life. Here the radiance of nature and heart are within our reach. * Vehicular traffic is completely forbidden in the green strips, where tranquility shall reign and the curse of noise shall not penetrate. * '''The age of personal statues is gone.''' No personal statues shall be erected in the city or parks of Chandigarh. The city is planned to breathe the new sublimated spirit of art. Commemoration of persons shall be confined to suitably placed bronze plaques. * The truthfulness of materials of constructions, concrete, bricks and stone, shall be maintained in all buildings constructed or to be constructed. <br> The seed of Chandigarh is well sown. It is for the citizens to see that the tree flourishes. === Attributed from posthumous publications === * '''Space and light and order. Those are the things that men need just as much as they need bread or a place to sleep.''' ** ''The New York Times'' [obituary] (1965-08-28) * ''Vous savez, c'est la vie qui a raison, l'architecte qui a tort.'' ** '''You know, it is life that is right and the architect who is wrong.''' ** Le Corbusier's reply upon learning that the housing project he had designed at [[w:Pessac|Pessac]] had been altered by its inhabitants, quoted by Philippe Boudon, ''Lived-In Architecture: Pessac Revisited'' (1969) [trans. Gerald Onn] * A hundred times I have thought: New York is a catastrophe, and fifty times: it is a beautiful catastrophe. ** ''[http://books.google.com/books?id=TzwVAAAAMAAJ&q=&quot;A+hundred+times+I+have+thought+New+York+is+a+catastrophe+and+fifty+times+it+is+a+beautiful+catastrophe&quot;#search_anchor When the Cathedrals Were White]'' (1947) * My own duty and my aim is to try and raise people out of their misery, away from catastrophe; to provide them with happiness, with a contented existence, with harmony. My own goal is to establish or re-establish harmony between people and their environment. ** Le Corbusier: Architect, Painter, Poet by Jean Jenger (1996). == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{commons|Category:Le Corbusier}} * [http://www.fondationlecorbusier.asso.fr/ Fondation Le Corbusier] * [http://chandigarh.nic.in/frarch.htm Le Corbusier's architecture and city planning at Chandigarh] {{DEFAULTSORT:Le Corbusier}} [[Category:Architects from France]] [[Category:Designers]] [[Category:Non-fiction authors from France]] [[Category:Atheists from France]] [[Category:People from Switzerland]] [[Category:1887 births]] [[Category:1965 deaths]] 3t868efzn5mk5jlj8gy2ab3v15uhebs 0 9731 3778550 3496888 2025-07-14T12:44:08Z UDScott 4304 −[[Category:People from Rome]]; ±[[Category:Architects]]→[[Category:Architects from Rome]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778550 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Vitruvius.jpg|right|thumb|For neither talent without instruction nor instruction without talent can produce the perfect craftsman.]] '''[[w:Vitruvius|Marcus Vitruvius Pollio]]''' (born ca. 80/70 BC?; died ca. 25 BC) was a Roman writer, architect and engineer, active in the 1st century BC. ==Quotes == [[File:Pompeii - Temple of Apollo 1400px.png|thumb|From [[astronomy]] we find the east, west, south, and north, as well as the [[theory]] of the [[heavens]], the [[equinox]], solstice, and courses of the [[stars]]. If one has no [[knowledge]] of these matters, he will not be able to have any comprehension of the [[w:Sundial|theory of sundials]].]] === ''[[w:De architectura|De architectura]] (The Ten Books On Architecture)'' (~ 15BC) === :<small>Morris Hicky Morgan translation (1914) unless otherwise stated</small> ====Book I==== * Owing to this favor I need to have no fear of want to the end of my life, and being thus laid under obligation I began to write this work for you, because I saw that you have built and are now building extensively, and that in future also you will take care that our public and private buildings shall be worthy to go down to posterity by the side of your other splendid achievements. ** Preface, Sec. 3 (dedication to [[w:Augustus|Imperator Caesar]]) * The architect should be equipped with knowledge of many branches of study and varied kinds of learning, for it is by his judgement that all work done by the other arts is put to test. This knowledge is the child of practice and theory. ** Chapter I "The Education of the Architect" Sec. 1 * Architects who have aimed at acquiring manual skill without scholarship have never been able to reach a position of authority to correspond to their pains, while those who relied only upon theories and scholarship were obviously hunting the shadow, not the substance. But those who have a thorough knowledge of both, like men armed at all points, have the sooner attained their object and carried authority with them. ** Chapter I, Sec. 2 * In all matters but particularly in architecture ...that which is signified is the subject of which we may be speaking and that which gives significance is a demonstration on scientific principles. ...One who professes himself an architect should be well versed in both directions. ** Chapter I, Sec. 3 * ''Neque enim ingenium sine disciplina aut disciplina sine ingenio perfectum artificem potest efficere.'' ** '''For neither talent without instruction nor instruction without talent can produce the perfect craftsman.''' *** Chapter I, Sec. 3; translation by Frank Granger ** '''Neither natural ability without instruction nor instruction without natural ability can make the perfect artist.''' *** Morris Hicky Morgan translation * Let him ''[who would be an architect]'' be educated, skillful with the pencil, instructed in geometry, know much history, have followed the philosophers with attention, understand music, have some knowledge of medicine, know the opinions of the jurists, and be acquainted with astronomy and the theory of the heavens. ** Chapter I, Sec. 3 * An architect ought to be an educated man so as to leave a more lasting remembrance in his treatises. ** Chapter I, Sec. 4 * Geometry... is of much assistance in architecture, and in particular it teaches us the use of the rule and compasses, by which especially we acquire readiness in making plans for buildings in their grounds, and rightly apply the square, the level, and the plummet. By means of optics... the light in buildings can be drawn from fixed quarters of the sky. ...Difficult questions involving symmetry are solved by means of geometrical theories and methods. ** Chapter I, Sec. 4 * As for philosophy, it makes an architect high-minded and not self-assuming, but rather renders him courteous, just, and honest without avariciousness. This is very important, for no work can be rightly done without honesty and incorruptibility. ** Chapter I, Sec. 7 * Philosophy treats of physics where a more careful knowledge is required because the problems which come under this head are numerous... So the reader of [[w:Ctesibius|Ctesibius]] or [[Archimedes]] and the other writers of treatises of the same class will not be able to appreciate them unless he has been trained in these subjects by the philosophers. ** Chapter I, Sec. 7 * Music, also, the architect ought to understand so that he may have knowledge of the canonical and mathematical theory, and besides be able to tune [[w:Ballista|ballistae]], [[w:Catapulta|catapultae]], and [[w:Scorpio_(Dart-thrower)|scorpiones]] to the proper key. For to the right and left in the beams are the holes in the frames through which the strings of twisted sinew are stretched by means of windlasses and bars, and these strings must not be clamped and made fast until they give the same correct note to the ear of the skilled workman. ** Chapter I, Sec. 8 * '''In theatres... there are the bronze vessels in which are placed in niches under the seats''' in accordance with the musical intervals on mathematical principles. These vessels are arranged with a view to musical concords or harmony, and '''apportioned in the compass of the fourth, the fifth, and the octave, and so on up to the double octave, in such a way that when the voice of an actor falls in unison with any of them its power is increased, and it reaches the ears of the audience with greater clearness and sweetness.''' Water organs too, and the other instruments which resemble them cannot be made by one who is without the principles of music. ** Chapter I, Sec. 9 * The architect should also have a knowledge of the study of medicine on account of the questions of climates, air, the healthiness and unhealthiness of sites, and the use of different waters. For without these considerations the healthiness of a dwelling cannot be assured. ** Chapter I, Sec. 10 * As for principles of law, he should know those which are necessary in the case of buildings having party walls, with regard to water dripping from the eaves, and also the laws about drains, windows, and water supply. And other things of this sort should be known to architects, so that... they may be careful not to leave disputed points for the householders to settle after the works are finished, and so that in drawing up contracts the interests of both employer and contractor may be wisely safe-guarded. ** Chapter I, Sec. 10 * '''From [[w:Greek_astronomy|astronomy]] we find the east, west, south, and north, as well as the theory of the heavens, the equinox, solstice, and courses of the stars. If one has no knowledge of these matters, he will not be able to have any comprehension of the [[w:Sundial|theory of sundials]].''' ** Chapter I, Sec. 10 * '''Men have no right to profess themselves architects hastily, without having climbed from boyhood the steps of these studies and thus, nursed by the knowledge of many arts and sciences, having reached the heights of the holy ground of architecture.''' ** Chapter I, Sec. 11 * '''A liberal education forms... a single body. Those, therefore, who from tender years receive instruction in the various forms of learning, recognize the same stamp on all the arts, and an intercourse between all studies, and so they more readily comprehend them all.''' ** Chapter I, Sec. 12 * In the midst of all this great variety of subjects, an individual cannot attain to perfection in each, because it is scarcely in his power to take in and comprehend the general theories of them. ** Chapter I, Sec. 13 * [[w:Pythius_of_Priene|Pytheos]] made a mistake by not observing that '''the arts are each composed of two things, the actual work and the theory of it. One of these, the doing of the work, is proper to men trained in the individual subject, while the other the theory is common to all scholars.''' ** Chapter I, Sec. 15 * Astronomers... have a common ground for discussion with musicians in the harmony of the stars and musical concords in tetrads and triads of the fourth and the fifth, and with geometricians in the subject of vision; and in all other sciences many points, perhaps all, are common so far as the discussion of them is concerned. But the actual undertaking of works which are brought to perfection by the hand and its manipulation is the function of those who have been specially trained to deal with a single art. ** Chapter I, Sec. 16 * '''As for men upon whom nature has bestowed so much ingenuity, acuteness, and memory''' that they are able to have a thorough knowledge of geometry, astronomy, music, and the other arts, '''they go beyond the functions of architects and become [[pure mathematicians]].''' Hence they can readily take up positions against those arts because many are the artistic weapons with which they are armed. Such men, however, are rarely found, but there have been such at times; for example, [[w:Aristarchus_of_Samos|Aristarchus of Samos]], [[w:Philolaus|Philolaus]], and [[w:Archytas|Archytas of Tarentum]], [[w:Apollonius_of_Perga|Apollonius of Perga]], [[w:Eratosthenes|Eratosthenes of Cyrene]], and among Syracusans [[Archimedes]] and [[w:History_of_sundials#Ancient_sundials|Scopinas]], who through mathematics and natural philosophy discovered, expounded, and left to posterity many things in connection with mechanics and with [[w:History_of_sundials|sundials]]. ** Chapter I, Sec. 16 * '''It is not as a very great philosopher, nor as an eloquent rhetorician, nor as a grammarian trained in the highest principles of his heart, that I have striven to write this work, but as an architect who has had only a dip into those studies.''' ** Chapter I, Sec. 17 * As regards the efficacy of the art and the theories of it, I promise and expect that in these volumes I shall undoubtedly show myself of very considerable importance not only to builders but also to all scholars. ** Chapter I, Sec. 17 * '''Architecture depends on Order, Arrangement, Eurythmy, [[w:Symmetry|Symmetry]], [[wiktionary:propriety|Propriety]], and Economy.''' ** Chapter II "The Fundamental Principles of Architecture" Sec. 1 * Order gives due measure to the members of a work considered separately, and symmetrical agreement to the proportions of the whole. It is an adjustment according to quantity. By this I mean the selection of modules from the members of the work itself and, starting from these individual parts of members, constructing the whole work to correspond. ** Chapter II, Sec. 2 * '''Arrangement includes the putting of things in their proper places and the elegance of effect which is due to adjustments appropriate to the character of the work. Its forms of expression are these: [[w:Floor_plan|ground plan]], [[w:Architectural_drawing#Elevation|elevation]], and [[w:Architectural_drawing#Architectural_perspective|perspective]]. ...All three come of [[wiktionary:reflection#English|reflexion]] and invention.''' ** Chapter II, Sec. 2 * Reflexion is careful and laborious thought, and watchful attention directed to the agreeable effect of one's plan. Invention, on the other hand, is the solving of intricate problems and the discovery of new principles by means of brilliancy and versatility. ** Chapter II, Sec. 2 * '''Eurythmy is beauty and fitness''' in the adjustments of the members. This is '''found when the members''' of a work '''are of a height suited to their breadth, of a breadth suited to their length, and, in a word, when they all correspond symmetrically.''' ** Chapter II, Sec. 3 * '''Propriety is that perfection of style which comes when a work is authoritatively constructed on approved principles. It arises from prescription, from usage, or from nature.''' ** Chapter II, Sec. 5 * '''From prescription, in the case of [[wiktionary:hypaethral#English|hypaethral]] edifices, open to the sky, in honor of [[w:Jupiter_(mythology)|Jupiter Lightning]], the Heaven, the Sun, or the Moon: for these are gods whose semblances and manifestations we behold before our very eyes in the sky when it is cloudless and bright.''' ** Chapter II, Sec. 5 * '''The construction of temples of the [[w:Ionic_order|Ionic order]]''' to [[w:Juno_(mythology)|Juno]], [[w:Diana_(mythology)|Diana]], [[w:Bacchus_(mythology)|Father Bacchus]], and the other gods of that kind, '''will be in keeping with the middle position which they hold;''' for the building of such will be '''an appropriate combination of the severity of the [[w:Doric_order|Doric]] and the delicacy of the [[w:Corinthian_order|Corinthian]].''' ** Chapter II, Sec. 5 * There will be no propriety in the spectacle of an elegant interior approached by a low mean entrance. ** Chapter II, Sec. 6 * There will... be natural propriety in using an eastern light for bedrooms and libraries, a western light in winter for baths and winter apartments, and a northern light for picture galleries and other places in which a steady light is needed; for that quarter of the sky grows neither light nor dark with the course of the sun, but remains steady and unshifting all day long. ** Chapter II, Sec. 7 * '''Economy denotes''' the the proper management of materials and of site, as well as a thrifty balancing of cost and common sense in the construction of works. ...'''the architect does not demand things which cannot be found or made ready without great expense.''' For example: it is not everywhere that there is plenty of [[w:Construction_aggregate#History|pitsand]], rubble, fir, clear fir, and marble... '''Where there is no pitsand, we must use the kinds washed up by rivers or by the sea'''... and other problems we must solve in similar ways. ** Chapter II, Sec. 8 * The proper form of economy must be observed in building houses for each and every class. ** Chapter II, Sec. 9 * There are three departments of architecture: the art of building, the making of time-pieces, and the construction of machinery. ** Chapter III "The Departments of Architecture" Sec. 1 * '''All... must be built with due reference to durability, convenience, and beauty. Durability will be assured when foundations are carried down to the solid ground and materials wisely and liberally selected; convenience, when the arrangement of the apartments is faultless and presents no hindrance to use, and''' when each class of building '''is assigned to its suitable and appropriate exposure; and beauty, when the appearance of the work is pleasing and in good taste''', and when its members are in due proportion according to correct principles of symmetry. ** Chapter III, Sec. 2 * When the morning breezes blow toward the town at sunrise, if they bring with them mists from marshes and, mingled with the mist, the poisonous breath of the creatures of the marshes to be wafted into the bodies of the inhabitants, they will make the site unhealthy. ** Chapter IV "The Site of a City" Sec. 1 * '''Nobody draws the light for covered wine rooms from the south or west, but rather from the north''', since that quarter is never subject to change but is always constant and unshifting. '''So it is with granaries''': grain exposed to the sun's course soon loses its good quality, and provisions and fruit, unless stored in a place unexposed to the sun's course, do not keep long. ** Chapter IV, Sec. 2 * '''Heat is a universal solvent''', melting out of things their power of resistance, and sucking away and removing their natural strength with its fiery exhalations so that they grow soft, and hence weak, under its glow. ** Chapter IV, Sec. 3 * While '''all bodies are composed of the four elements''', that is, of heat, moisture, the earthy, and air, yet there are mixtures according to natural temperament which make up the natures of all the different animals of the world, each after its kind. ** Chapter IV, Sec. 5 * '''If one of these elements''', heat, '''becomes predominant in any body whatsoever, it destroys and dissolves all the others with its violence.''' ...Again if too much moisture enters the channels of a body, and thus introduces disproportion, the other elements, adulterated by the liquid, are impaired, and the virtues of the mixture dissolved. This defect, in turn, may arise from the cooling properties of moist winds and breezes blowing upon the body. In the same way, increase or diminution of the proportion of air or of the earthy which is natural to the body may enfeeble the other elements. ** Chapter IV, Sec. 6 * '''Our ancestors''', when about to build a town or an army post, '''sacrificed some of the cattle that were wont to feed on the site proposed and examined their livers'''. If the livers of the first victims were dark-coloured or abnormal, they sacrificed others, to see whether the fault was due to disease or their food. '''They never began to build defensive works in a place until after they had made many such trials and satisfied themselves that good water and food had made the liver sound and firm. ...healthfulness being their chief object.''' ** Chapter IV, Sec. 9 * From food and water, then, we may learn whether sites are naturally unhealthy or healthy. ** Chapter IV, Sec. 10 * Marshes that are stagnant and have no outlets either by rivers or ditches, like the [[w:Pontine_Marshes|Pomptine marshes]], merely putrefy as they stand, emitting heavy, unhealthy vapors. A case of a town built in such a spot was Old Salpia in [[w:Apulia|Apulia]]... Year after year there was sickness, until finally the suffering inhabitants came with a public petition to Marcus [[w:Hostilia_(gens)|Hostilius]] and got him to agree to seek and find them a proper place to which to remove their city. ** Chapter IV, Sec. 12 * After insuring on these principles the healthfulness of the future city... the next thing to do is '''to lay the foundations''' for the towers and walls. '''Dig down to solid bottom, if it can be found''', and lay them therein, '''going as deep as the magnitude of the proposed work seems to require. They should be much thicker than the part of the walls that will appear above ground and their structure should be as solid as it can possibly be laid.''' ** Chapter V "The City Walls" Sec. 1 * '''Towns should be laid out''' not as an exact square nor with salient angles, but '''in circular form, to give a view of the enemy from many points.''' Defense is difficult where there are salient angles because the angle protects the enemy rather than the inhabitants. ** Chapter V, Sec. 2 * The thickness of the wall should, in my opinion, be such that armed men meeting on top of it may pass one another without interference. '''In the thickness there should be set a very close succession of ties made of charred [[w:Olive#History|olive]] wood, binding the two faces of the wall together like pins, to give it lasting endurance.''' For that is a material which neither decay, nor the weather, nor time can harm, but even though buried in the earth or set in the water it keeps sound and useful forever. And so not only city walls but substructures in general and all walls that require a thickness like that of a city wall, will be long in falling to decay if tied in this manner. ** Chapter V, Sec. 3 * '''The towers themselves must be either round or polygonal. Square towers are sooner shattered by military engines''', for the battering rams pound their angles to pieces but in the case of round towers they can do no harm being engaged as it were in driving wedges to their center. ** Chapter V, Sec. 5 * The system of fortification by wall and towers may be made safest by the addition of earthen [[wiktionary:rampart#English|ramparts]]. ** Chapter V, Sec. 5 * '''Lay a second foundation enough inside the first'''... Having laid these two foundations... '''build cross walls between them uniting the outer and inner foundation in a comb like arrangement set like teeth of a saw.''' With this form of construction the burden of earth will be distributed into small bodies and will not lie with all its weight in one crushing mass so as to thrust out substructures. ** Chapter V, Sec. 7 * '''Dimension stone, flint, rubble, burnt or unburnt brick,—use them as you find them. For it is not every''' neighborhood or particular '''locality that can have a wall built of burnt brick like that at [[w:Babylon|Babylon]], where there was plenty of [[w:Asphalt#Ancient_times|asphalt]] to take the place of lime and sand''', and yet possibly each may be provided with materials of equal usefulness so that out of them a faultless wall may be built to last forever. ** Chapter V, Sec. 8 [[File:National Building Museum - Corinthian column.JPG|right|225px|thumb|The third order, called [[w:Corinthian order|Corinthian]], is an imitation of the slenderness of a maiden;]] * Cold winds are disagreeable, hot winds enervating, moist winds unhealthy. ** Chapter VI "The Directions of the Streets with Remarks on the Winds" Sec. 1 * '''Wind is a flowing wave of air''', moving hither and thither indefinitely. It is '''produced when heat meets moisture''', the rush of heat generating a mighty current of air. That '''this is the fact we may learn from bronze [[w:Aeolipile|eolipiles]]''', and thus by means of a scientific invention discover a divine truth lurking in the laws of the heavens. Eolipiles are hollow bronze balls, with a very small opening through which water is poured into them. Set before a fire, not a breath issues from them before they get warm; but as soon as they begin to boil, out comes a strong blast due to the fire. Thus from this slight and very short experiment we may understand and judge of the mighty and wonderful laws of the heavens and the nature of winds. ** Chapter VI, Sec. 2 * The diseases which are hard to cure in neighborhoods... are [[w:Catarrh|catarrh]], hoarseness, coughs, [[w:Pleurisy|pleurisy]], [[w:Consumption_(disease)|consumption]], spitting of blood, and all others that are cured not by lowering the system but by building it up. They are hard to cure, first, because they are originally due to chills; secondly, because the patient's system being already exhausted by disease, the air there, which is in constant agitation owing to winds and therefore deteriorated, takes all the sap of life out of their diseased bodies and leaves them more meager every day. On the other hand, '''a mild, thick air, without drafts and not constantly blowing back and forth''', builds up their frames by its unwavering steadiness, and so '''strengthens and restores people who are afflicted with''' these '''diseases.''' ** Chapter VI, Sec. 3 * '''Some have held that there are only four winds''': [[w:Solanus|Solanus]] from the east; [[w:Auster|Auster]] from the south; [[w:Favonius|Favonius]] from due west; [[w:Septentrio|Septentrio]] from the north. '''But more careful investigators tell us that there are eight.''' ** Chapter VI, Sec. 4 * To find the directions and quarters of the winds your method of procedure should be as follows. In the middle of the city place a marble [[wiktionary:amussium#Latin|amussium]], laying it true by the level, or else let the spot be made so true by means of rule and level that no amussium is necessary. In the very center of that spot set up a bronze [[w:Gnomon|gnomon]] or "shadow tracker." At about the fifth hour in the morning, take the end of the shadow cast by this gnomon, and mark it with a point. Then, opening your compasses to this point which marks the length of the gnomon's shadow, describe a circle from the center. In the afternoon watch the shadow of your gnomon as it lengthens, and when it once more touches the circumference of this circle and the shadow in the afternoon is equal in length to that of the morning, mark it with a point. From these two points describe with your compasses intersecting arcs and through their intersection and the centre let a line be drawn to the circumference of the circle to give us the quarters of south and north. ...and thus we have designed a figure equally apportioned among the eight winds. ** Chapter VI, Sec. 5-7 * '''Let the directions of your streets and alleys be laid down on the lines of division between the quarters of two winds. On this principle of arrangement the disagreeable force of the winds will be shut out from dwellings and lines of houses.''' For if the streets run full in the face of the winds, their constant blasts rushing in from the open country, and then confined by narrow alleys, will sweep through them with great violence. The lines of houses must therefore be directed away from the quarters from which the winds blow, so that as they come in they may strike against the angles of the blocks and their force thus be broken and dispersed. ** Chapter VI, Sec. 7-8 * Remembering... that [[w:Eratosthenes|Eratosthenes]] of Cyrene, employing mathematical theories and geometrical methods, discovered from the course of the sun, the shadows cast by an equinoctial gnomon, and the inclination of the heaven that the circumference of the earth is two hundred and fifty-two thousand stadia, that is, thirty-one million five hundred thousand paces. ** Chapter VI, Sec. 9 * '''There are... many... names for winds derived from localities or from the squalls which sweep from rivers or down mountains.''' ** Chapter VI, Sec. 10 * '''There are the breezes of early morning; for the sun on emerging from beneath the earth strikes humid air as he returns, and as he goes climbing up the sky he spreads it out before him, extracting breezes from the vapor that was there before the dawn.''' ** Chapter VI, Sec. 11 * Some people do indeed say that [[w:Eratosthenes|Eratosthenes]] could not have inferred the true measure of the earth. Whether true or untrue, it cannot affect the truth of what I have written on the fixing of the quarters from which the different winds blow. ** Chapter VI, Sec. 11 * If the city is on the sea, we should choose ground close to the harbor as the place where the [[w:Forum_(Roman)|forum]] is to be built; but if inland, in the middle of the town. ** Chapter VII "The Sites for Public Buildings" Sec. 1 * '''For the temples, the sites for those of the gods under whose particular protection the state is thought to rest''' and for [[w:Jupiter_(mythology)|Jupiter]], [[w:Juno_(mythology)|Juno]], and [[w:Minerva|Minerva]], '''should be on the very highest point commanding a view of the greater part of the city.''' [[w:Mercury_(mythology)|Mercury]] should be in the forum, or, like [[w:Isis|Isis]] and [[w:Serapis|Serapis]], in the [[w:Emporia_(ancient_Greece)|emporium]]; [[w:Apollo|Apollo]] and [[w:Dionysus|Father Bacchus]] near the [[w:Roman_theatre_(structure)|theater]]; [[w:Hercules|Hercules]] at the [[w:Circus_(building)|circus]] in communities which have no [[w:Gymnasium_(ancient_Greece)|gymnasia]] nor [[w:Amphitheatre#Roman_amphitheatres|amphitheatres]]; [[w:Mars_(mythology)|Mars]] outside the city but at the training ground, and so [[w:Venus_(mythology)|Venus]], but at the harbor. It is moreover shown by the [[w:Etruscan_civilization|Etruscan]] diviners in treatises on their science that '''the [[wiktionary:fane#English|fanes]] of Venus''', [[w:Vulcan_(mythology)|Vulcan]], and Mars '''should be situated outside the walls, in order that the young men and married women may not become habituated in the city to the temptations''' incident to the worship of Venus, and that buildings may be free from the terror of fires through the religious rites and sacrifices which call the power of Vulcan beyond the walls. '''As for Mars, when that divinity is enshrined outside the walls, the citizens will never take up arms against each other, and he will defend the city from its enemies and save it from danger in war.''' ** Chapter VII, Sec. 1 * [[w:Ceres_(Roman_mythology)|Ceres]] also should be outside the city in a place to which people need never go except for the purpose of sacrifice. ** Chapter VII, Sec. 2 ====Book II==== * His strange appearance made the people turn round, and this led [[Alexander the Great|Alexander]] to look at him. In astonishment he gave orders to make way for him to draw near, and asked who he was. "[[w:Dinocrates|Dinocrates]]," quoth he, "a Macedonian architect, who brings thee ideas and designs worthy of thy renown. I have made a design for the shaping of [[w:Mount_Athos|Mount Athos]] into the statue of a man, in whose left hand I have represented a very spacious fortified city, and in his right a bowl to receive the water of all the streams which are in that mountain, so that it may pour from the bowl into the sea." ** Introduction, Sec. 2 * Quoth he [ [[w:Alexander the Great|Alexander]] ] "...as a newborn babe cannot be nourished without the nurse's milk, nor conducted to the approaches that lead to growth in life, so a city cannot thrive without fields and the fruits thereof pouring into its walls." ** Introduction, Sec. 3 * [[w:Dinocrates|Dinocrates]] did not leave the king, but followed him into Egypt. There Alexander, observing a harbor rendered safe by nature, an excellent center for trade, cornfields throughout all Egypt, and the great usefulness of the mighty river Nile, ordered him to build the city of [[w:History_of_Alexandria|Alexandria]], named after the king. This was how Dinocrates, recommended only by his good looks and dignified carriage, came to be so famous. ** Introduction, Sec. 4 * But as for me, Emperor, nature has not given me stature, age has marred my face, and my strength is impaired by ill health. Therefore, since these advantages fail me, I shall win your approval, as I hope, by the help of my knowledge and my writings. ** Introduction, Sec. 4 * I will prefix the motives which originally gave rise to buildings and the development of inventions in this field, '''following in the steps of''' early nature and of those '''writers who have devoted treatises to the origins of civilization and the investigation of inventions. My exposition will''', therefore, '''follow the instruction which I have received from them.''' ** Introduction, Sec. 5 * They drew near, and observing that they were very comfortable '''standing before the warm fire, they''' put on logs and, while thus keeping it alive, '''brought up other people to it''', showing them by signs how much comfort they got from it. In that gathering of men, at a time when utterance of sound was purely individual, from daily habits they fixed upon articulate words just as these had happened to come; then, from indicating by name things in common use, the result was that '''in this chance way they began to talk, and thus originated conversation''' with one another. ** Chapter I "The Origin of the Dwelling House" Sec. 1 * Therefore '''it was the discovery of fire that originally gave rise to the coming together of men''', to the deliberate assembly, and to social intercourse. ** Chapter I, Sec. 2 * And so, as they kept coming together in greater numbers into one place, '''finding themselves naturally gifted beyond the other animals in not being obliged to walk with faces to the ground, but upright and gazing upon the splendor of the starry firmament, and also in being able to do with ease whatever they chose with their hands and fingers, they began''' in that first assembly '''to construct shelters.''' Some made them of green boughs, others dug caves on mountain sides, and some, in imitation of the nests of swallows and the way they built, made places of refuge out of mud and twigs. Next, by observing the shelters of others and adding new details to their own inceptions they constructed better and better kinds of huts as time went on. ** Chapter I, Sec. 2 * At first they set up forked stakes connected by twigs and covered these walls with mud. Others made walls of lumps of dried mud, covering them with reeds and leaves to keep out the rain and the heat. Finding that such roofs could not stand the rain during the storms of winter, they built them with peaks daubed with mud, the roofs sloping and projecting so as to carry off the rain water. ** Chapter I, Sec. 3 * The [[w:Phrygia|Phrygians]]... select a natural hillock, run a trench through the middle of it, dig passages, and extend the interior space as widely as the site admits. Over it they build a pyramidal roof of logs fastened together, and this they cover with reeds and brushwood, heaping up very high mounds of earth above their dwellings. Thus their fashion in houses makes their winters very warm and their summers very cool. ** Chapter I, Sec. 5 * From these early beginnings, and from the fact that nature had... equipped their minds with the powers of thought and understanding, thus putting all other animals under their sway, they next gradually advanced from the construction of buildings to the other arts and sciences, and so passed from a rude and barbarous mode of life to civilization and refinement. ** Chapter I, Sec. 6 * Taking courage and looking forward from the standpoint of higher ideas born of the multiplication of the arts, they gave up huts and began to build houses with foundations, having brick or stone walls, and roofs of timber and tiles; next, observation and application led them from fluctuating and indefinite conceptions to definite rules of symmetry. Perceiving that nature had been lavish in the bestowal of timber and bountiful in stores of building material, they... embellished them with luxuries. ** Chapter I, Sec. 7 * This book does not show of what architecture is composed, but treats of the origin of the building art, how it was fostered, and how it made progress, step by step, until it reached its present perfection. ** Chapter I, Sec. 8 * '''There is no kind of material, no body, and no thing that can be produced or conceived of, which is not made up of elementary particles;''' and nature does not admit of a truthful exploration in accordance with the doctrines of the physicists without an accurate demonstration of the primary causes of things, showing how and why they are as they are. ** Chapter I, Sec. 9 * [[Thales]] thought that water was the primordial substance of all things. [[Heraclitus]] of Ephesus... thought that it was fire. [[Democritus]] and his follower [[Epicurus]] thought that it was the atoms, termed by our writers "bodies that cannot be cut up" or, by some "indivisibles." The [[w:Pythagoreanism|school of the Pythagoreans]] added air and the earthy to the water and fire. Hence, although Democritus did not in a strict sense name them, but spoke only of indivisible bodies, yet he seems to have meant these same elements, because when taken by themselves they cannot be harmed, nor are they susceptible of dissolution, nor can they be cut up into parts, but throughout time eternal they forever retain an infinite solidity. ** Chapter II "On the Primordial Substance according to the Physicists" Sec. 1 * All things... appear to be made up and produced by the coming together of these elements, so that they have been distributed by nature among an infinite number of kinds of things. Hence I believed it right to treat of the diversity and practical peculiarities of these things as well as of the qualities which they exhibit in buildings, so that persons who are intending to build may understand them and so make no mistake, but may gather materials which are suitable to use in their buildings. ** Chapter II, Sec. 2 * '''[[w:Brick#History|Bricks]]... should not be made of sandy or pebbly [[w:Clay#Definition|clay]], or of fine gravel''', because when made of these kinds they are in the first place heavy; and secondly when washed by the rain as they stand in walls, they go to pieces and break up, and the straw in them does not hold together on account of the roughness of the material. '''They should rather be made of white and chalky or of red clay, or even of a coarse grained gravelly clay.''' These materials are smooth and therefore durable; they are not heavy to work with, and are readily laid. ** Chapter III "Brick" Sec. 1 * '''Bricks should be made in Spring or Autumn so that they may dry uniformly.''' ** Chapter III, Sec. 2 * '''Bricks will be most serviceable if made two years before using; for they cannot dry thoroughly in less time. When fresh undried bricks are used in a wall, the stucco covering''' stiffens and '''hardens''' into a permanent mass, '''but the bricks settle and... the motion caused by their shrinking prevents them from adhering to it''', and they are separated from their union with it. ...at [[w:Utica,_Tunisia|Utica]] in constructing walls they use brick only if it is dry and made five years previously, and approved as such by the authority of a magistrate. ** Chapter III, Sec. 2 * There are also half bricks. ...As the bricks are always laid so as to break joints, this lends strength and a not unattractive appearance to both sides of such walls. ** Chapter III, Sec. 4 * In the states of Maxilua and Callet, in [[w:Hispania Ulterior|Further Spain]], as well as in [[w:Pitane_(Aeolis)|Pitane]] in Asia Minor, '''there are bricks which, when finished and dried, will float on being thrown into water.''' The reason why they can float seems to be that '''the clay of which they are made is like [[w:Pumice|pumice-stone]].''' So it is light, and also '''it does not, after being hardened by exposure to the air, take up or absorb liquid. ...They have therefore great advantages'''; for they are not heavy to use in building and, once made, they are not spoiled by bad weather. ** Chapter III, Sec. 4 * '''In walls of masonry the first question must be with regard to the [[w:Sand#Uses|sand]], in order that it may be fit to mix into mortar and have no dirt in it.''' The kinds of pitsand are these: black, gray, red, and [[w:Carbuncle|carbuncular]]. Of these '''the best will be found to be that which crackles when rubbed in the hand''', while that which has much dirt in it will not be sharp enough. Again: '''throw some sand upon a white garment''' and then shake it out; '''if the garment is not soiled and no dirt adheres to it, the sand is suitable.''' ** Chapter IV "Sand" Sec. 1 * '''If there are no sandpits from which it can be dug, then we must sift it out from river beds or from gravel or even from the sea beach. This kind however has these defects when used in masonry''': it dries slowly... and such a wall cannot carry vaultings. Furthermore, when sea-sand is used in walls and these are coated with stucco, a salty efflorescence is given out which spoils the surface. ** Chapter IV, Sec. 2 * '''Pitsand''' used in masonry dries quickly, the stucco coating is permanent, and the walls can support vaultings. I am speaking of sand fresh from the sandpits. For '''if it lies unused too long''' after being taken out, it '''is disintegrated by exposure to sun, moon, or hoar frost, and becomes earthy. So when mixed in masonry, it has no binding power''' on the [[w:Rubble masonry|rubble]], which consequently settles and down comes the load which the walls can no longer support. ** Chapter IV, Sec. 3 * '''Fresh pitsand''', however, in spite of all its excellence in concrete structures, '''is not equally useful in stucco''', the richness of which, when the lime and straw are mixed with such sand, will cause it to crack as it dries on account of the great strength of the mixture. '''But river sand''', though useless in "signinum" on account of its thinness, '''becomes perfectly solid in stucco''' when thoroughly worked by means of polishing instruments. ** Chapter IV, Sec. 3 * '''With regard to [[w:Lime_(material)|lime]] we must be careful that it is burned from a stone which''', whether soft or hard, '''is''' in any case '''white.''' Lime made of close-grained stone of the harder sort will be good in structural parts; lime of porous stone, in stucco. '''After [[w:Calcium_hydroxide|slaking]] it, mix your [[w:Lime_mortar|mortar]]''', if using pitsand, in the proportions of three parts of sand to one of lime; if using river or sea-sand, mix two parts of sand with one of lime. These will be the right proportions for the composition of the mixture. Further, in using river or sea-sand, the addition of a third part composed of burnt brick, pounded up and sifted, will make your mortar of a better composition to use. ** Chapter V "Lime" Sec. 1 * The reason why lime makes a solid structure on being combined with water and sand seems to be this: that '''rocks, like all other bodies, are composed of the four elements. Those which contain a larger proportion of air, are soft; of water, are tough from the moisture; of earth, hard; and of fire, more brittle.''' Therefore, if limestone, without being burned, is merely pounded up small and then mixed with sand and so put into the work, the mass does not solidify nor can it hold together. But if the stone is first thrown into the [[w:Kiln|kiln]], it loses its former property of solidity by exposure to the great heat of the fire, and so with its strength burnt out and exhausted it is left with its pores open and empty. Hence, the moisture and air in the body of the stone being burned out and set free, and only a residuum of heat being left lying in it, if the stone is then immersed in water, the moisture, before the water can feel the influence of the fire, makes its way into the open pores; then the stone begins to get hot, and finally, after it cools off, the heat is rejected from the body of the lime. ** Chapter V, Sec. 2 * Consequently, '''limestone when taken out of the kiln... though its bulk remains the same as before, it is found to have lost about a third of its weight owing to the boiling out of the water. Therefore, its pores being thus opened and its texture rendered loose, it readily mixes with sand, and hence the two materials cohere as they dry, unite with the rubble, and make a solid structure.''' ** Chapter V, Sec. 3 * '''[[w:Pozzolana|Pozzolana]]'''.—There is... a kind of powder which from natural causes produces astonishing results. It is found in the neighborhood of [[w:Baiae|Baiae]] and in the country belonging to the towns round about [[w:Mount_Vesuvius|Mt. Vesuvius]]. This substance '''when mixed with lime and rubble not only lends strength to buildings of other kinds, but even when piers of it are constructed in the sea, they set hard under water.''' ** Chapter VI "Pozzolana" Sec. 1 * What is called '''"sponge stone" or "Pompeian [[w:Pumice|pumice]]"''' appears to have been reduced by burning from another kind of stone to the condition of the kind which we see. The kind of sponge-stone taken from this region is not produced everywhere else, but only about [[w:Mount_Etna|Aetna]] and among the hills of [[w:Mysia|Mysia]] which the Greeks call the "Burnt District," and in other places of the same peculiar nature. ...it seems to be certain that '''moisture has been extracted from the [[w:Tufa|tufa]] and earth, by the force of fire, just as it is from limestone in kilns.''' ** Chapter VI, Sec. 2-3 * When different and unlike things have been subjected to the action of fire and thus reduced to the same condition, if after this, while in a warm, dry state, they are suddenly saturated with water, there is an effervescence of the heat latent in the bodies of them all, and this makes them firmly unite and quickly assume the property of one solid mass. ** Chapter VI, Sec. 4 * There will still be the question why Tuscany, although it abounds in hot springs, does not furnish a powder out of which, on the same principle, a wall can be made which will set fast under water. ...'''The properties of the soil are as different and unlike as are the various countries.''' ...Hence it is not in all the places where boiling springs of hot water abound that there is the same combination of favourable circumstances... For '''things are produced in accordance with the will of nature; not to suit man's pleasure, but as it were by a chance distribution.''' ** Chapter VI, Sec. 5 * '''While in [[w:Campania|Campania]] the burning of the earth makes ashes, in [[w:Tuscany|Tuscany]] the combustion of the stone makes carbuncular sand. Both are excellent in walls but one is better to use for buildings on land, the other for piers under salt water.''' ** Chapter VI, Sec. 6 * Next comes the consideration of stone quarries from which dimension stone and supplies of [[w:Rubble masonry|rubble]] to be used in building are taken and brought together. ** Chapter VII "Stone" Sec. 1 * '''The stone in quarries is found to be of different and unlike qualities. In some it is soft... in others it is medium... in still others it is hard as in lava quarries. There are also numerous other kinds:''' for instance, in [[w:Campania|Campania]], red and black [[w:Tufa|tufas]]; in [[w:Umbria|Umbria]], [[w:Picenum|Picenum]], and [[w:Venetia_(region)|Venetia]], '''white tufa''' which '''can be cut with a toothed saw like wood.''' ** Chapter VII, Sec. 1 * All these '''soft kinds''' [of stone] have the advantage that they '''can be easily worked''' as soon as they have been taken from the quarries. Under cover, they play their part well; '''but in open and exposed situations the frost and [[wiktionary:rime#English|rime]] make them crumble, and they go to pieces. On the seacoast, too, the salt eats away and dissolves them, nor can they stand great heat''' either. ** Chapter VII, Sec. 2 * '''[[w:Travertine|Travertine]] and all stone of that class can stand injury''' whether '''from a heavy load''' laid upon it '''or from the weather; exposure to fire, however, it cannot bear, but splits and cracks to pieces''' at once. This is because in its natural composition there is but little moisture and not much of the earthy, but a great deal of air and of fire. Therefore, it is not only without the earthy and watery elements, but '''when fire, expelling the air from it by the operation and force of heat, penetrates into its inmost parts''' and occupies the empty spaces of the fissures there comes a great glow and '''the stone is made to burn as fiercely as do the particles of fire itself.''' ** Chapter VII, Sec. 2 * '''There are also several quarries called Anician in the territory of [[w:Tarquinia|Tarquinii]], the stone being of the color of [[W:Peperino|peperino]]. ...Neither the season of frost nor exposure to fire can harm it''', but it remains solid and lasts to a great age, because there is only a little air and fire in its natural composition, a moderate amount of moisture, and a great deal of the earthy. Hence its structure is of close texture and solid, and so it cannot be injured by the weather or by the force of fire. Monuments in the neighborhood of the town of [[w:Viterbo|Ferento]] which are made of stone from these quarries... gracefully carved. Old as these are, they look as fresh as if they were only just finished. Bronze workers, also, make molds for the casting of bronze out of stone from these quarries and find it very useful in bronze-founding. ** Chapter VII, Sec. 3-4 * Since, on account of the proximity of the stone-quarries... nearest to the city, necessity drives us to make use of their products, we must proceed as follows if we wish our work to be finished without flaws. '''Let the stone be taken from the quarry two years before''' building is to begin, and not in winter, but '''in summer. Then let it lie exposed''' in an open place. '''Such stone as been damaged''' by the two years of exposure '''should be used in the foundations. The rest''', which remains unhurt, has passed the test of nature and '''will endure in those parts of the building which are above ground.''' This precaution should be observed, not only with dimension stone, but also with the rubble which is to be used in walls. ** Chapter VII, Sec. 5 * There are two styles of walls "[[w:Opus_reticulatum|opus reticulatum]]," now used by everybody and the ancient style called "[[w:Opus_incertum|opus incertum]]." Of these, the reticulatum looks better, but its construction makes it likely to crack... On the other hand, in the opus incertum, the rubble lying in courses and [[wiktionary:imbricate#English|imbricated]], makes a wall which though not beautiful, is stronger. ** Chapter VIII "Methods of Building Walls" Sec. 1 * Both kinds should be '''constructed of the smallest stones''', so that '''the walls, being thoroughly puddled with the mortar''', which is made '''of lime and sand, may hold together longer. If the stones used are soft and porous, they are apt to suck the moisture out of the mortar and so to dry it up. But when there is abundance of lime and sand, the wall, containing more moisture, will not soon lose its strength''', for they will hold it together. '''But if the moisture is sucked out of the mortar by the porous rubble, and the lime and sand separate and disunite''', the rubble can no longer adhere to them and '''the wall will in time become a ruin.''' ** Chapter VIII, Sec. 2 * '''Leave a cavity behind the''' [wall] '''facings, and on the inside build walls two feet thick, made of red dimension stone or burnt brick or lava''' in courses, and '''then bind them to the fronts by means of iron clamps and lead.''' ...the beds and builds, all settling equally and bonded at the joints, will not let the work bulge out, nor allow the fall of the face walls which have been tightly fastened together. ** Chapter VIII, Sec. 4 * 6 A wall is called isodomum when all the courses are of equal height; pseudisodomum, when the rows of courses do not match but run unequally. Both kinds are strong: first, because '''the rubble itself is of close texture and solid, unable to suck the moisture out of the mortar, but keeping it in its moist condition for a very long period'''; secondly, because the beds of the stones, being laid smooth and level to begin with, keep the mortar from falling, and, as they are bonded throughout the entire thickness of the wall, they hold together for a very long period. ** Chapter VIII, Sec. 6 * '''Our workmen, in their hurry to finish, devote themselves only to the facings''' of the walls, setting them upright but '''filling the space between with a lot of broken stones and mortar thrown in anyhow.''' This makes three different sections in the same structure; two consisting of facing and one of filling between them. '''The Greeks, however,''' do not build so; but laying their stones level and '''building every other stone lengthwise into the thickness''', they do not fill the space between, but '''construct the thickness of their walls in one solid and unbroken mass''' from the facings to the interior. '''Further, at intervals they lay single stones which run through the entire thickness of the wall.''' These stones... by their bonding powers... add very greatly to the solidity of the walls. ** Chapter VIII, Sec. 7 * '''One who in accordance with these notes will take pains in selecting his method of construction, may count upon having something that will last.''' ** Chapter VIII, Sec. 8 * '''In [[w:Sparta|Sparta]], paintings have been taken out of certain walls by cutting through the bricks, then have been placed in wooden frames, and so brought to the [[w:Comitium|Comitium]]''' to adorn the [[w:Aedile|aedileship]] of [C. Visellius] Varro and [C. Licinius] Murena. ** Chapter VIII, Sec. 9 * '''At [[w:Halicarnassus|Halicarnassus]], the house of that most potent king [[w:Mausolus|Mausolus]]''', though decorated throughout with [[w:Marmara_Island|Proconnesian]] marble, '''has walls built of brick''' which are to this day of extraordinary strength, and are '''covered with stucco so highly polished that they seem to be as glistening as glass.''' That king did not use brick from poverty; for he was choke-full of revenues, being ruler of all [[w:Caria|Caria]]. ** Chapter VIII, Sec. 10 * Since such very powerful kings have not disdained walls built of brick, although... they might often have had them not only of masonry or dimension stone but even of marble, I think that '''one ought not to reject buildings made of brick-work, provided that they are properly "topped."''' ** Chapter VIII, Sec. 16 * '''The laws''' of the state '''forbid''' that '''walls abutting on public property should be more than a foot and a half thick. ...Now brick walls''', unless two or three bricks thick, '''cannot support more than one story'''; certainly not '''if they are only a foot and a half in thickness.''' ** Chapter VIII, Sec. 17 * With '''the present importance of the city''' [of Rome] '''and the unlimited numbers of its population''', it is necessary to increase the number of dwelling-places indefinitely. Consequently, as the ground floors could not admit of so great a number living in the city, the nature of the case '''has made it necessary to find relief by making the buildings high.''' In these tall piles reared with piers of stone, walls of burnt brick, and partitions of rubble work, and provided with floor after floor, the upper stories can be partitioned off into rooms to very great advantage. '''The accommodations within the city walls being thus multiplied as a result of the many floors high in the air, the Roman people easily find excellent places in which to live.''' ** Chapter VIII, Sec. 17 * '''On the top of the wall lay''' a structure of '''burnt brick''', about a foot and a half in height, under the tiles and '''projecting like a [[w:Coping_(architecture)|coping]]. ...when the tiles on the roof are broken''' or thrown down by the wind '''so that rain-water can leak through, this burnt brick coating will prevent the crude brick from being damaged, and the [[w:Cornice|cornice]]-like projection will throw off the drops beyond the vertical face, and thus the walls, though of crude brick structure, will be preserved intact.''' ** Chapter VIII, Sec. 18 * With regard to burnt brick... If not made of good clay or if not baked sufficiently, it shows itself defective... when exposed to frosts and [[wiktionary:rime#English|rime]]. Brick that will not stand exposure on roofs can never be strong enough to carry its load in a wall. Hence '''the strongest burnt brick walls are those which are constructed out of old roofing tiles.''' ** Chapter VIII, Sec. 19 * '''As for "[[w:Wattle_and_daub|wattle and daub]]" I could wish that it had never been invented.''' The more it saves in time and gains in space, the greater and the more general is the disaster that it may cause; for it is made to catch fire, like torches. '''It seems better''', therefore, '''to spend on walls of burnt brick, and be at expense, than to save with "wattle and daub," and be in danger.''' And, in the stucco covering, too, it makes cracks from the inside by the arrangement of its studs and girts. For these swell with moisture as they are daubed, and then contract as they dry, and by their shrinking cause the solid stucco to split. But since some are obliged to use it either to save time or money, or for partitions on an unsupported span, the proper method of construction is as follows. '''Give it a high foundation''' so that it may nowhere come in contact with the broken stone-work composing the floor... ** Chapter VIII, Sec. 20 * '''In Spring all trees become pregnant''', and they are all employing their natural vigor in the production of leaves and of the fruits that return every year. The requirements of that season render them empty and swollen, and '''so they are weak and feeble''' because of their looseness of texture. '''This is also the case with women''' who have conceived. Their bodies are not considered perfectly healthy until the child is born. ** Chapter IX "Timber" Sec. 1 * '''With the ripening of the fruits in Autumn''' the leaves begin to wither and '''the trees''', taking up their sap from the earth through the roots, recover themselves and '''are restored to their former solid texture. But the strong air of winter compresses and solidifies them.''' ** Chapter IX, Sec. 2 * '''In felling a tree we should cut into the trunk of it to the very heart, and then leave it standing so that the sap may drain out drop by drop throughout the whole of it.''' ...Then and not till then, the tree being drained dry and the sap no longer dripping, let it be felled and it will be in the highest state of usefulness. ** Chapter IX, Sec. 3 * When the juices of trees have no means of escape, they clot and rot in them, making the trees hollow and good for nothing. ** Chapter IX, Sec. 4 * '''The [[w:Oak#Uses|oak]]... has not the efficacy of the [[w:Fir#Uses_and_ecology|fir]], nor the [[w:Cypress|cypress]] that of the [[w:Elm#Other_uses_of_elms|elm]].''' ** Chapter IX, Sec. 5 * '''[[w:Fir#Uses_and_ecology|Fir]]''': it contains a great deal of air and fire with very little moisture and the earthy, so that, as its natural properties are of the lighter class, it is not heavy. Hence, its consistence being naturally stiff, it '''does not easily bend under the load, and keeps its straightness when used in the framework. But''' it contains so much heat that '''it generates and encourages decay, which spoils it; and it also kindles fire quickly''' because of the air in its body, which is so open that it takes in fire '''and''' so '''gives out a great flame.''' ** Chapter IX, Sec. 6 * The part which is nearest to the earth... is without [[w:Wood#Knots|knots]] and is "clear." But the upper part, on account of the great heat in it throws up branches into the air through the knots and this... is called "knotwood" because of its hardness and knottiness. The lowest part, after the tree is cut down and the [[w:Wood#Heartwood_and_sapwood|sapwood]] of the same thrown away, is split up into four pieces and prepared for joiner's work, and so is called clearstock. ** Chapter IX, Sec. 7 * '''[[w:Oak#Uses|Oak]]... lasts for an unlimited period when buried in underground structures'''. ...when exposed to moisture... it cannot take in liquid on account of its compactness, '''but, withdrawing from the moisture, it''' resists it and '''warps, thus making cracks.''' ** Chapter IX, Sec. 8 * The winter oak... is very useful in buildings but when in a moist place it takes in water to its centre... and so it rots. The [[w:Quercus_cerris#Cultivation_and_uses|Turkey oak]] and the [[w:Beech#Uses|beech]] both... take in moisture to their centre and soon decay. White and black [[w:Poplar#Uses|poplar]], as well as [[w:Willow#Uses|willow]], [[w:Tilia#Uses|linden]], and the agnus castus... are of great service from their stiffness. ...they are a convenient material to use in carving. ** Chapter IX, Sec. 9 * '''In swampy places, [[w:Alder#Use_by_humans|alder]] [[w:Deep_foundation|piles]] driven close together beneath the foundations of buildings''' take in the water which their own consistence lacks and '''remain imperishable forever''', supporting structures of enormous weight and keeping them from decay. '''Thus a material which cannot last even a little while above ground, endures for a long time when covered with moisture.''' ** Chapter IX, Sec. 10 * '''The [[w:Elm#Other_uses_of_elms|elm]] and the [[w:Fraxinus#Uses|ash]]'''... when put in shape for use in buildings... are tough and having no stiffness... soon bend. But '''when''' they become '''dry with age, or are allowed to lose their sap'''... they get harder, and from their toughness '''supply a strong material for dowels''' to be used in joints and other articulations. ** Chapter IX, Sec. 11 * '''The [[w:Hornbeam#Applications|hornbeam]]... is not a wood that breaks easily and is very convenient to handle.''' Hence the Greeks call it "zygia," because they make of it yokes for their draught animals... '''[[w:Cupressus_sempervirens#Uses|Cypress]] and [[w:Pine#Uses|pine]] are also just as admirable; for although they... are apt to warp''' when used in buildings... '''they can be kept to a great age without rotting because the liquid contained within their substances''' has a bitter taste which by its pungency '''prevents the entrance of decay''' or of those little creatures which are destructive. '''Hence buildings made of these kinds of wood last for an unending period of time.''' ** Chapter IX, Sec. 12 * The [[w:Lebanon_Cedar#History.2C_symbolism_and_uses|cedar]] and the [[w:Juniper#Cultivation_and_uses|juniper]] tree have the same uses and good qualities... '''from the cedar is produced an oil called [[w:Cedar_oil|cedar oil]]. Books as well as other things smeared with this are not hurt by worms or decay. ...the grain of the wood is straight. The statue of [[w:Diana_(mythology)|Diana]] in the temple at [[w:Ephesus|Ephesus]] is made of it, and so are the [[w:Coffer|coffered]] ceilings both there and in all other famous [[wiktionary:fane#English|fanes]], because that wood is everlasting.''' ** Chapter IX, Sec. 13 * '''The [[w:Larch#Uses|larch]]... is not only preserved from decay and the worm by the great bitterness of its sap, but also it cannot be kindled with fire''' nor ignite of itself, unless like stone in a limekiln it is burned with other wood. ...'''This is because there is a very small proportion of the elements of fire and air in its composition''', which is a dense and solid mass of moisture and the earthy, so that it has no open pores through which fire can find its way... Further, its weight will not let it float in water. ** Chapter IX, Sec. 14 * The leaves of these [larch] trees are like those of the pine; '''timber from them''' comes in long lengths, is as easily wrought in joiner's work as is the clearwood of fir, and '''contains a liquid resin, of the color of [[w:Attica|Attic]] honey, which is good for [[w:Consumption_(disease)|consumptives]].''' ** Chapter IX, Sec. 17 * Trees which grow in places facing the course of the sun are not of porous fiber but are solid, being drained by the dryness... '''The trees in sunny neighborhoods''', therefore, '''being solidified by the compact texture of their fiber, and not being porous from moisture, are very useful''', so far as durability goes, when they are hewn into timber. The lowland firs, being conveyed from sunny places, are better than those highland firs, which are brought here from shady places. ** Chapter X "Highland and Lowland Fir" Sec. 1 ====Book III==== * ''Delphicus Apollo Socratem omnium sapientissimum Pythiae responsis est professus. Is autem memoratur prudenter doctissimeque dixisse, oportuisse hominum pectora fenestrata et aperta esse, uti non occultos haberent sensus sed patentes ad considerandum. Utinam vero rerum natura sententiam eius secuta explicata et apparentia ea constituisset!'' ** Apollo at Delphi, through the oracular utterance of his priestess, pronounced [[w:Socrates|Socrates]] the wisest of men. Of him it is related that he said with sagacity and great learning that the human breast should have been furnished with open windows, so that men might not keep their feelings concealed, but have them open to the view. Oh that nature, following his idea, had constructed them thus unfolded and obvious to the view. *** Preface, Sec. 1 * Of course, we need not be surprised if artistic excellence goes unrecognized on account of being unknown; but there should be the greatest indignation when, as often, good judges are flattered by the charm of social entertainments into an approbation which is a mere a pretence. ** Introduction, Sec. 3 [[File:Da Vinci Vitruve Luc Viatour.jpg|right|225px|thumb|Then again, in the human body the central point is naturally the navel. For if a man be placed flat on his back, with his hands and feet extended, and a pair of compasses centered at his navel, the fingers and toes of his two hands and feet will touch the circumference of a circle described therefrom.]] * The design of a temple depends on [[w:symmetry|symmetry]], the principles of which must be most carefully observed by the architect. ** Chapter I, Sec. 1 * Then again, in the human body the central point is naturally the navel. For if a man be placed flat on his back, with his hands and feet extended, and a pair of compasses centered at his navel, the fingers and toes of his two hands and feet will touch the circumference of a circle described therefrom. ** Chapter I, Sec. 3 * These rules for symmetry were established by [[w:Hermogenes of Priene|Hermogenes]], who was also the first to devise the principal of the pseudodipteral octastyle. ** Chapter III, Sec. 8 * Then, too, the columns at the corners should be made thicker than the others by a fiftieth of their own diameter, because they are sharply outlined by the unobstructed air around them, and seem to the beholder more slender than they are. ** Chapter III, Sec. 11 * '''For the eye is always in search of beauty,''' and if we do not gratify its desire for pleasure by a proportionate enlargement in these measures, and thus make compensation for ocular deception, a clumsy and awkward appearance will be presented to the beholder. ** Chapter III, Sec. 13 * The steps in front must be arranged so that there shall always be an odd number of them; for thus the right foot, with which one mounts the first step, will also be the first to reach the level of the temple itself. ** Chapter IV, Sec. 4 * Hence, as the line of sight to the upper part is the longer, it makes that part look as if it were leaning back. But when the members are inclined to the front, as described above, they will seem the beholder to be plumb and perpendicular. ** Chapter V, Sec. 13 ====Book IV==== * I have therefore thought that it would be a worthy and very useful thing to reduce the whole of this great art to a complete and orderly form of presentation, and then in different books to lay down and explain the required characteristics of different departments. ** Introduction, Sec. 1 * The third order, called [[w:Corinthian order|Corinthian]], is an imitation of the slenderness of a maiden; for the outlines and limbs of maidens, being more slender on account of their tender years, admit of prettier effects in the way of adornment. ** Chapter I, Sec. 8 * For we must not build temples according to the same rules to all gods alike, since the performance of the sacred rites varies with the various gods. ** Chapter VIII, Sec. 6 * Altars should face the east, and should always be placed on a lower level than are the statues in the temples, so that those who are praying and sacrificing may look upwards towards the divinity. ** Chapter IX, Sec. 1 ====Book V==== * Furthermore, since I have observed that our citizens are distracted with public affairs and private business, I have thought it best to write briefly, so that my readers, whose intervals of leisure are small, may be able to comprehend in a short time. ** Introduction, Sec. 3 * Basilicas should be constructed on a site adjoining the forum and in the warmest possible quarter, so that in winter business men may gather in them without being troubled by the weather. ** Chapter I, Sec. 4 [[File:Luciano Pavarotti 15.06.02 cropped.jpg|right|225px|thumb|Voice is a flowing breath of air, perceptible to the hearing by contact.]] * But basilicas of the greatest dignity and beauty may also be constructed in the style of that one which I erected, and the building of which I superintended at [[w:Fano|Fano]]. ** Chapter I, Sec. 6 * '''Voice is a flowing breath of air, perceptible to the hearing by contact. It moves in an endless number of circular rounds, like the innumerably increasing circular waves which appear when a stone is thrown into smooth water, and which keep on spreading indefinitely from the centre unless interrupted by narrow limits, or by some obstruction which prevents such waves from reaching their end in due formation. When they are interrupted by obstructions, the first waves, flowing back, break up the formation of those which follow.''' ** Alternate translation: The voice is a flowing breath, made sensible to the organ of hearing by the movements it produces in the air. It is propagated in infinite numbers of circular zones, exactly as when a stone is thrown into a pool of standing water countless circular undulations are generated therein, which, increasing as they recede from the center, spread out over a great distance, unless the narrowness of the locality or some obstacle prevent their reaching their termination; for the first line or waves, when impeded by obstructions, throw by their backward swell the succeeding circular lines of waves into confusion. Quoted by [[Ernst Mach]], ''The Science of Mechanics: A Critical and Historical Account of its Development'' (1893, 1960) Tr. Thomas J. McCormack ** Chapter IV, Sec. 6 * '''In the same manner the voice executes its movements in concentric circles; but while in the case of water the circles move horizontally on a plane surface, the voice not only proceeds horizontally, but also ascends vertically by regular stages. Therefore, as in the case of the waves formed in the water, so it is in the case of the voice: the first wave, when there is no obstruction to interrupt it, does not break up the second or the following waves, but they all reach the ears of the lowest and highest spectators without an echo.''' ** Chapter IV, Sec. 7 * '''Hence the ancient architects, following in the footsteps of nature, perfected the ascending rows of seats in theatres from their investigations of the ascending voice, and by means of the canonical theory of the mathematicians and that of the musicians, endeavoured to make every voice uttered on the stage come with greater clearness and sweetness to the ears of the audience. For just as musical instruments are brought to perfection of clearness in the sound of their strings by means of bronze plates or horn, so the ancients devised methods of increasing the power of the voice in theatres through the application of harmonics.''' ** Chapter IV, Sec. 8 * In accordance with the foregoing investigations on mathematical principles, let bronze vessels be made, proportionate to the size of the theatre, and let them be so fashioned that, when touched, they may produce with one another the notes of the fourth, the fifth, and so on up the double octave. ** Chapter V, Sec. 1 * On this principle of arrangement, the voice, uttered from the stage as from a centre, and spreading and striking against the cavities of the different vessels, as it comes in contact with them, will be increased in clearness of sound, and will wake an harmonious note in unison with itself. ** Chapter V, Sec. 3 * It was left by [[w:Aristoxenus|Aristoxenus]], who with great ability and labour classified and arranged in it the different modes. In accordance with it, and by giving heed to these theories, one can easily bring a theatre to perfection, from the point of view of the nature of the voice, so as to give pleasure to the audience. ** Chapter V, Sec. 6 * These are, of course, some things which, for utility's sake, must be made of the same size in a small theatre, and a large one: such as the steps, curved cross-aisles, their parapets, the passages, stairways, stages, tribunals, and any other things which occur that make it necessary to give up symmetry so as not to interfere with utility. ** Chapter VI, Sec. 7 ====Book VI==== * When his companions wished to return to their country, and asked him what message he wished them to carry home, he bade them say this: '''that children ought to be provided with property and resources of a kind that could swim with them even out of a shipwreck.''' ** Introduction, Sec. 1 * All the gifts which fortune bestows she can easily take away; but education, when combined with intelligence, never fails, but abides steadily on to the very end of life. ** Introduction, Sec. 3 * If our designs for private houses are to be correct, we must at the outset take note of the countries and climates in which they are built. ** Chapter I, Sec. 1 * Hence, men that are born in the north are rendered over-timid and weak by fever, but their wealth of blood enables them to stand up against the sword without timidity. ** Chapter I, Sec. 4 * There is nothing to which an architect should devote more thought than to the exact proportions of his building with reference to a certain part selected as the standard. ** Chapter II, Sec. 1 * Bedrooms and libraries ought to have an eastern exposure, because their purposes require the morning light, and also because books in such libraries will not decay. ** Chapter IV, Sec. 1 * Even peasants wholly without knowledge of the quarters of the sky believe that oxen ought to face only in the direction of the sunrise. ** Chapter VI, Sec. 1 [[File:CN tower fog 05 09 04.jpg|right|225px|thumb|In fact, all kinds of men, and not merely architects, can recognize a good piece of work...]] * When it appears that a work has been carried out sumptuously, the owner will be the person to be praised for the great outlay which ha has authorized; when delicately, the master workmen will be approved for his execution; but when proportions and symmetry lend it an imposing effect, then the glory of it will belong to the architect. ** Chapter VIII, Sec. 9 * '''In fact, all kinds of men, and not merely architects, can recognize a good piece of work...''' ** Chapter VIII, Sec. 10 ====Book VII==== * It was a wise and useful provision of the ancients to transmit their thoughts to posterity by recording them in treatises, so that they should not be lost, but, being developed in succeeding generations through publications in books, should gradually attain in later times, to the highest refinement of learning. ** Introduction, Sec. 1 * " nothing suffers annihilation, but at dissolution there is a change, and things fall back to the essential element in which they were before. " ** Introduction, Sec. 1 * In order that the mortar in the joints may not suffer from frosts, drench it with oil-dregs every year before winter begins. Thus treated, it will not let the hoarfrost enter it. ** Chapter I, Sec. 6 * The fact is that pictures which are unlike reality ought not be approved, and even if they are technically fine, this is no reason why they should offhand be judged to be correct, if their subject is lacking in the principles of reality carried out with no violations. ** Chapter V, Sec. 4 * " the gravity of a substance depends not on the amount of its weight, but on its nature. " ** Chapter VIII, Sec. 3 * Burn shavings and splinters of pitch pine, and when they turn to charcoal, put them out, and pound them into mortar with size. This will make a pretty black for fresco painting. ** Chapter X, Sec. 3 * They make a fine purple colour by treating bilberry in the same way and mixing it with milk. ** Chapter XIV, Sec. 2 * Every hot spring has healing properties because it has been boiled with foreign substances, and thus acquires a new useful quality. ** Chapter III, Sec. 4 * Copious springs are found where there are mines of gold, silver, iron, copper, lead, and the like, but they are very harmful. ** Chapter III, Sec. 5 * At [[w:Jaffa|Jaffa]] in [[w:Syria|Syria]] and among the Nomads in [[w:Arabia|Arabia]], are lakes of enormous size that yield very large masses of asphalt, which are carried off by the inhabitants thereabouts. ** Chapter III, Sec. 8 * Some springs are acid, as at Lyncestus and in Italy in the Velian country, at Teano in Campania, and in many other places. These when used in drinks have the power of breaking up stones in the bladder, which form in the human body. ** Chapter III, Sec. 17 * There are also in some places springs which have the peculiarity of giving fine singing voices to the natives, as at Tarsus in Magnesia and in other countries of that kind. ** Chapter III, Sec. 24 ====Book VIII==== * " water from clay pipes is much more wholesome than that which is conducted through lead pipes, '''because lead is found to be harmful for the reason that white lead is derived from it, and this is said to be hurtful to the human system.''' " ** Chapter VI, Sec. 10 * Hence, water ought by no means to be conducted in lead pipes, if we want to have it wholesome. That the taste is better when it comes from clay pipes may be proved by everyday life, for though our tables are loaded with silver vessels, yet everybody uses earthenware for the sake of purity of taste. ** Chapter VI, Sec. 11 * To guard against this, we must proceed as follows. '''Let down a lighted lamp, and if it keeps burning, a man may make the descent without danger. ''' ** Chapter VI, Sec. 13 ====Book IX==== * Noting all these things with the great delight which learning gives, we cannot but be stirred by these discoveries when we reflect upon the influence of them one by one. ** Introduction, Sec. 14 [[File:Laser Towards Milky Ways Centre.jpg|right|225px|thumb|The word "universe" means the general assemblage of all nature, and it also means the heaven that is made up of the constellations and the courses of the stars.]] * In a word, the opinions of learned authors, though their bodily forms are absent, gain strength as time time goes on, and, when taking part in councils and discussions, have greater weight than those of any living men. ** Introduction, Sec. 17 * The word "universe" means the general assemblage of all nature, and it also means the heaven that is made up of the constellations and the courses of the stars. ** Chapter I, Sec. 2 * The moon makes her circuit of the heaven in twenty-eight days plus about an hour, and with her return to the sign from which she set forth, completes a lunar month. ** Chapter I, Sec. 5 * If then, at this great distance, our human vision can discern that sight, why, pray, are we to think that the divine splendor of the stars can be cast into darkness? ** Chapter I, Sec. 12 * It is no secret that the moon has no light of her own, but is, as it were, a mirror, receiving brightness from the influence of the sun. ** Chapter II, Sec. 3 ====Book X==== * The difference between "machines" and "engines" is obviously this, that machines need more workmen and greater power to make them take effect, as for instance ballistae and the beams of presses. Engines, on the other hand, accomplish their purpose at the intelligent touch of a single workman,... ** Chapter I, Sec. 3 * All machinery is derived from nature, and is founded on the teaching and instruction of the revolution of the firmament. ** Chapter I, Sec. 4 * Next I must tell about the machine of [[w:Ctesibius|Ctesibius]], which raises water to a height. ** Chapter VII, Sec. 1 * For siege works against bold and venturesome men should be constructed on one plan, on another against cautious men, and on still another against the cowardly. ** Chapter XVI, Sec. 1 * "For not all things are practicable on identical principles," ** Chapter XVI, Sec. 5 * Thus by such victory, not by machines but in oppositions to the principle to the principles of machines, has the freedom of states been preserved by the cunning of architects. ** Chapter XVI, Sec. 12 == External links == {{wikipedia}} *[http://books.google.com/books?id=La4aAAAAYAAJ&|''The Ten Books on Architecture''] or ''De Architectura'' by Vitruvius Pollio at Google Books {{DEFAULTSORT:Vitruvius}} [[Category:Architects from Rome]] [[Category:Civil engineers]] [[Category:BCE births]] [[Category:BCE deaths]] 311ohh2y1wy51mz4idukf1j3lwf0ofg 14 10829 3778583 3091575 2025-07-14T12:49:04Z UDScott 4304 Moving from [[Category:Activists]] to [[Category:Activists by issue]] using [[c:Help:Cat-a-lot|Cat-a-lot]] 3778583 wikitext text/x-wiki {{Wikipediacat}}{{Commonscat}} [[Category:Activists by issue]] [[Category:People by political orientation]] [[Category:Feminism]] [[Category:Categories requiring diffusion]] itl0mq972fx40tjo9ka43vdppanqwri 0 10970 3778812 3764026 2025-07-14T19:20:24Z 71.221.196.103 /* All The News [1.15] */ 3778812 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Cosplay of Kim Possible and Shego at AVA Expo 2013-1.jpg|thumb|So not the yuri hentai moment.]] {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Kim Possible|Kim Possible]]''''' is a [[w:Disney|Disney]] [[w:animated series|animated series]] about a teenage crime fighter who balances high school life with action-packed secret missions. ==Season 1== ===''Crush'' [1.1]=== :'''Kim''': A [[w:naked mole rat|naked mole rat]]? Ron, ever think about getting a normal pet? :'''Ron''': Like what? :'''Kim''': Something... not naked. :'''Ron''': Never be normal! That's the Ron Stoppable motto. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': Tokyo! I love the French! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': Doctor Drakken... :'''Ron''': Our arch enemy!... Well, your arch enemy. I... err... ...You know, I don't think he even knows my name. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Ron fires a grappling hook, which tears his pants off.]'' :'''Ron''': AH! :'''Kim''': Ron, stop playing around! :'''Ron''': Okay, I'm going... :''[fires a second grappling hook, which tears his shirt off.]'' :'''Ron''': Oh, c-, are you kidding me?! :'''Kim''': Very funnyǃ :'''Ron''': The third time's the charmǃ <hr width="50%"/> :'''Drakken''': So, Kim Possible, you think to thwart my plan...! :'''Shego''': ''[Cuts him off]'' Don't stop to tell her the plan! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mr. Possible''': I do not believe it! That Dr. Drakken fellow stole the factory! It seems two employs were rescued by a famous teen girl-- Hey, Kim Possible! Nice, work, honey. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mr. Possible''': I wouldn't just give up without a fight. With Drakken, I mean. Better get back on his case, tout suite. And Kimmy Cub, let's not talk about "hotties" at breakfast anymore. :''[Mrs. Possible comes in]'' :'''Mrs. Possible''': Who's a hottie? :'''Mr. Possible''': We're not talking about it! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': So...Heinrich! Got any teenage daughters who might want to go to a big American dance party? :'''Heinrich''': ''Nein!'' :'''Ron''': ''Nine?'' One's plenty!...Well, maybe two. :'''Heinrich''': ''NEIN'' MEANS NO! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': Hey, I helped with that avalanche too, you know. : '''Kim''': You STARTED it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': You want to steal Christmas! :'''Drakken''': Not even close. :'''Kim''': So this ''is'' a take-over-the-world thing, ''Ron''. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': That would be ''so cool'' if it wasn't going to hurt us. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Drakken''': Why did she have to be a ''cheerleader''?! If she was on the debate team, I would have '''vaporized''' her by now! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': Kim, Drakken's in jail. Christmas was saved! What's the big? :'''Kim''': Okay, first of all, he was ''not'' trying to steal Christmas! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': Thanks for the lift, Heinrich. :'''Heinrich''': Aw, Kim, you silly! After you saved our village from that avalanche! :'''Kim''': No big. ===''Sink or Swim'' [1.2]=== :'''Mr. Barkin''': Stoppable, you know the lay of the land? :'''Ron''': Every rock, every tree, every bloodthirsty tick... it haunts me. :'''Mr. Barkin''': Good. Where's the phone? :''[Flashback:]'' :'''8-Year-Old Ron''': Mom, hey, it's me again. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know I just called three minutes ago. But I just wanted to ask you one more time... ''CAN YOU PLEASE GET ME OUT OF HERE?!'' :''[Flash-forward]'' :'''Ron''': I seem to recall a payphone. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': This place holds a lot of memories for me. Some bad, some...No. No, no, all bad. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': We'll see who's the squeeb at the end of the summer when you're all wrinkled up like a prune, and I got a suitcase full of hand-made wallets, pot holders and lanyards. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gill''': Oh, I am no longer Gil, now I am GILL! :'''Ron''': ...What's the difference? :'''Gill''': I added an "L". You know, as in gill, as in, these THINGS that grew when I mutated?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gill''': So, Ron, did you ever hear WHY they shut down the camp? :'''Ron''': Uhhh... no. :'''Gill''': It turns out - oh, you're gonna love this - the lake had been polluted with runoff from the Science Camp! :''[Cuts to Science Camp]'' :'''Ron''': I thought that was Band Camp. :'''Gill''': No, ''that's'' Band Camp. :''[Cuts to Band Camp]'' :'''Ron''': Really? I thought that was Clown Camp. :'''Gill''': No, ''that's'' Clown Camp! :''[Cuts to Clown Camp]'' :'''Ron''': Oh, yeah. I loved those clowns. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': Gill, we can get you help. We know a lot of scientists who- :'''Gill''': Science?! Science made me this way! :'''Ron''': Are you sure it wasn't the clowns? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': Part of me is terrified... And yet part of me is FLATTERED. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Barkin''': This is sick and wrong! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': Hey, Gill, maybe this is a good time to sing the Camp Wannaweep Friendship Song? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Barkin''': CHEESE and CRACKERS, I'M MUTATIN'! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gill''': He's out on the lake? My lake? How dumb can he be? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bonnie''': You know, just because you saved us doesn't mean you're not still, you know, YOU. But it would really stink if that jerk had turned us into mutants. And you were kinda brave, and all. :'''Ron''': ''[high-fives Rufus]'' Who rocks? :'''Bonnie''': ''[sighs]'' You do. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': Oh, Bonnie, you remind me of the cruel kids at camp - sticks and stones. :'''Tara''': ''[Gasp]'' They called you names? :'''Ron''': Yes, while they were pelting me with sticks and stones! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': So, does that mean that I can call the shots on the next mission? :'''Kim''': We'll see. :'''Ron''': Oh, I know what that means! :'''Kim''': It means: "we'll see." :'''Ron''': No, it's code for: "not a chance." :'''Kim''': Actually, it's code for: "ferociously unlikely." ===''The New Ron'' [1.3]=== :'''Kim''': I know what's best for Ron. Even if he doesn't. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': Your house sucks up so much power, it's causing blackouts all over Europe. :'''Senor Senior, Sr.''': And these people without power, they are... inconvenienced? :'''Kim''': Very. :'''Senor Senior, Sr.''': You see, Junior, how awful it is to be poor? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': You've got doors that go – that go "whoosh"! :'''Senor Senior, Jr.''': I always wondered about the "whoosh"... :'''Senor Senior, Sr.''': I like the "whoosh." It's the door saying, "I am closed." <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': Oh, good. Missiles. I am SO glad you told him to get missiles! :'''Ron''': Oh, so I made a few suggestions, KP - does that make it MY fault? :'''Kim''': ''One hundred percent.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': Oh, man, I have a zit on my nose! :'''Kim''': Will you get over yourself, Ron?! :'''Ron''': You do too, Kim! Right there! '''Kim''': Self-activating lasers! ''[She pulls Ron away, and they dive beneath the table. Kim looks accusingly at Ron]'' (Mocks Ron) throw in some traps. :'''Ron''': Hey, on the positive side, this guy is clearly a TERRIFIC listener. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': ''[to Ron]'' Never, EVER, tell anyone to go out and buy spinning tops of doom. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Senor Senior, Sr.''': The piranha won't be here till Monday, but I assure you, the koi have not been fed in DAYS. ===''Tick Tick Tick'' [1.4]=== :'''Mr. Barkin''': Going somewhere, Miss Possible? :'''Kim''': Mr. Barkin, I-I-I'm, er... :'''Mr. Barkin''': A Tardy. Third time this month, yes? :'''Kim''': Maybe. I'm not sure. :'''Mr. Barkin''': I am. Looks like I'll be seeing you after school. :'''Kim''': At cheerleading practice? :'''Mr. Barkin''': ''[loudly]'' AT DETENTION, POSSIBLE! :'''Kim''': ''[shocked]'' Detention?! ''[intro plays]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Drakken''': Who wants to build a robot tick? I do, I do! :'''Shego''': Er...Doctor Drakken? You do know you said that out loud, don't you? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': ''What?'' :'''Detention Guy''': Never been this close to a cheerleader. Your skin is so smooth and zit-free...like a baby's bottom... :'''Kim''': ''Ew!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': Ron, U-Turn :'''Ron''': What? Oh gotta save your boys. ''[Cut to Draken and Shego]'' :'''Shego''': Ooh! We got her boys! ''[Cut back to Kim and Ron]'' :'''Kim''': ''They're not my boys!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shego''': You! Yeah, you don't touch anything. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Drakken''': Enough chit-chat! My pets are famished! Perhaps you two could stay... :'''Kim''': ''[Cuts him off]'' For lunch? :'''Drakken''': ''[Quickly]'' I wasn't going to say that. :'''Ron''': Oh, dude, you were SO 'for lunch.' :'''Drakken''': Aargh! Yes! Then - stay-for-lunch! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shego''': Nano? ''[laughs]'' What's 'Nano'? :'''Drakken''': ''[facepalm]'' Nano. Tiny. MINI. :'''Shego''': Why don't you just say "mini" then? :'''Drakken''': 'Cause ''nano'' sounds about a hundred times better! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': Remote-control lasers! I can handle this... ''[glares at lasers, then slumps]'' I got nothing. Kim? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Barkin''': ''Nobody'' escapes MY detention! Possible, you're going DOWN! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Drakken''': A beep!...Is that a good beep? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Drakken''': If you just tell me what to do, I could do it. :'''Shego''': What did we agree on? :'''Drakken''': ...I don't touch anything. :'''Shego''': Yeah! :'''Drakken''': ''[watching Shego use the beam to tear the roof off]'' I could've done that. :'''Shego''': But can you do this? ''[Shego somersaults into Bueno Nacho]'' Kim Possible has something that BELONGS to us! :'''Kim''': Guess what? I don't want it. :'''Shego''': It's on you? What, like, stuck? :'''Kim''': ''Hello'', it's not a nose ring. ''[pointing to the nano bug stuck on her nose] :'''Drakken''': ''[to Shego]'' Take her whole ''NOSE'' if you have to! :'''Shego''': Works for me! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shego''': ''[to Drakken]'' Can you not be weird? Please? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Drakken''': Shego has ''failed''?! But she ''never'' fails! ''Naw!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': ''[freaking out]'' The tick... is in... the straw. The tick is in the straw. The tick is in the straw! What do I do?! What do I do?! <hr width="50%"/> ===''Downhill'' [1.5]=== :'''Barkin''': Sweet mother of pearl! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Barkin''': ...That's a lot of plush, lady. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Barkin''': Lady, you are... :'''DNAmy''': Special? :'''Barkin''': You are SICK, AND WRONG! <hr width="50%"/> :'''DNAmy''': We could have been so cute together, Stevie. But now you'll know what it's like to be genetically fused with a hairless rodent! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': Rufus, you're alright! ...And you're wearing Barkin's clothes... :'''Kim''': ...Then what's Mr. Barkin wearing? ''[Barkin appears out of the other end of the machine, torso and above, apparently naked]'' :'''Barkin''': STOPPABLE, I NEED ''PANTS!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': Just once, I wish the bad guy's lair didn't have to blow up... ===''Bueno Nacho'' [1.6]=== :'''Wade''': I have bad news. :'''Kim''': No kidding. I can NOT afford this jacket. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': Is that a clip-on tie, Ned? :'''Ned''': ''[clipping and unclipping tie]'' For quick removal in the event of a grease fire. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': Oh, no... no, no, not the puppy dog pout! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Drakken''': A-ha! Eat magma, Milwaukee! :''[He slams his fist down on the "fire" button, but only molten cheese pours out.]'' :'''Drakken''': Why isn't Milwaukee eating magma? ''[as molten cheese rises around his ankles]'' Please do not tell me that this place is actually made of cheese! I thought it was a cheese-covered building! :'''Sinking Tour Guide''': ''[floating by]'' Oh, golly, no. You'd be surprised... ''[gets swamped]'' BLUB BLUG GLUG... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': Rufus, this is a precision instrument, incredibly complex. Better mess with everything. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': ''[over loudspeaker at Bueno Nacho]'' Fifty-eight, your order's great! Fifty-nine, looking fine! Sixty, um... your food's ready. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': Ron. We might have a lead on Drakken. ''[weighing them in her hand]'' Drakken... nachos? I'm gonna have to go with Drakken. :'''Ron''': Well, that kind of 'tude is narrowing the race for "employee of the month." <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': ...Mom, do you have me on speaker? :'''Kim's Mom''': Sorry, honey - I've got both hands in a fifty-two-year-old male's temporal lobe. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Drakken''': ''[to Kim]'' You see?! Any second now, I will strike swiftly, and without mercy...! :'''Shego''':...Er...actually, make it more like...half hour? :'''Drakken''': Fine, whatever. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Drakken''': Excuse me... I have to go make a scene. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': Ron, get to the laser drill. I'LL take care of Shego. :'''Ron''': Great plan...! What exactly is the plan, again? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': ''[Rufus picks up dog biscuit]'' Don't eat it, Rufus! It could be - :''[Rufus stuffs the biscuit in Ron's mouth]'' :'''Ron''': - Hmm. Mmm. Bacony. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': ...What're you eating? :'''Ron''': Taco meets Nacho. I call it: 'The Naco.' :'''Kim''': ...I call it gross beyond reason. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': I belong... I belong to Bueno Nacho! ''Yo amo esto lugar!'' ''["[[w:Burger King|I love this place!]]"]'' :'''Rufus''': ''Si!'' ''["Yes!"]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ned''': Your bilingual wiles will hold no sway with me, Miss Possible. I am ''management''. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ned''': Well, well, well! Looks like you've got a choice to make, Stoppable! What's more important - Your sacred duty as assistant manager, or your pathetic role as goofy sidekick? :''[Ron and Ned circle each other before coming to a halt]'' :'''Ron''': Well that's no choice at all. I guess it's time to say... ''Buenos noches, Bueno Nacho''. ''[Good night, Bueno Nacho]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': Guess that wasn't much of a plan. :'''Kim''': Not as great as your Bueno Nacho bathroom-break-chart. :'''Ron''': I gooned on assitant manager power. You were right. :'''Kim''': I did resent your superior burrito technique. You're entitled to excel. Forgive me? :'''Ron''': Duh! Forgive me? :'''Kim''': Totally. :'''Drakken''': Aw, that's so sweet. Friends again. Just in time to be fried in magma. :'''Ron''': Remind me again why I rushed over. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Drakken''': ''[To a henchman]'' '''''CAN'T YOU DRILL ANY FASTER?ǃ''''' I'd have built an entire army of evil robots in the time it's taken YOU to penetrate the Earth's crust! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': What's wrong, KP? You won. :'''Kim''': I'm very happy. Really. :'''Ron''': You don't sound happy. :'''Kim''': Okay. I know this is beyond shallow but, I saved the world and I'm no closer of owning that Club Banana jacket! :'''Ron''': Maybe, ''[hands Kim a Club Banana box]'' maybe not. :'''Kim''': Ron! :'''Ron''': Oh, it's no big deal. My Naco bonus was way bueno. :'''Kim''': You are too sweet! I love it! ''[hugs Ron]'' Thanks. ''[Ned arrives wearing the same jacket]'' Ned? :'''Ron''': Dude, what are you wearing? :'''Ned''': Somebody left this picture over the cheese machine, and I just had to have it. Viva me! :'''Ron''': Exchange it? :'''Kim''': Oh yeah! ===''Number One'' [1.7]=== :'''Ron''': There it is - Killigan's Island. ''[Will and Kim stare at him]'' What? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Agent Will Du''': I've got no time for games. :'''Big Daddy''': That's too bad. I was going to suggest you and my friend play "Thud." :'''Will''': "Thud"? :''[Big Daddy claps; large goon emerges from the shadows; Will Du is tossed through a window.]'' :'''Big Daddy''': ''[laughs]'' I love that game! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bonnie''': In case you're wondering, Kim, that's what giving 150% looks like. :'''Kim''': Careful, Bonnie, I hear when you reach 160, you spontaneously combust. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': Ron, have you been listening to a word I've said. :'''Ron''': Bonnie has the nerve to challenge me after all I've done for the squad, after all I've done for her? I can't BELIEVE this!...Close quote. ''[Kim looks at him in askance]'' Now, were you listening to my burrito problem? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': ''[after watching Killigan disappear through a hole beneath his feet]'' Suddenly, the whole world is full of holes that people just whoosh away in. ===''Mind Games'' [1.8]=== :'''Kim''': You make my life sound like cake. :'''Ron''': Let's see, you're smart, athletic, pretty and popular. Sounds pretty cakey to ME. :'''Kim''': Okay, flip mode. Playing video games, watching wrestling, and downing "snackage." It must be brutal being you. :'''Ron''': Try the demands of raising Rufus as a single parent? Not to mention the pressures of maintaining my image. ''[Kim gives him a sideways glance]'' Okay, so I don't exactly have an image yet; but I'm working on it. And frankly, it's exhausting! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Possible''': As a board-certified neurosurgeon, I've got to say: It's just not possible to swap brains. :'''Ron as Kim''': Point taken, Dr. P, but how else do you explain my bare midriff? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mr. Possible''': ''[chuckling]'' Chasing bad guys, switching brains... high school sure has changed since my day. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Drakken''': Declare me supreme ruler of Earth, or I will neutronolize a different major city, every hour on the hour! That should do it. :'''Shego''': What does "neutronolize" mean, anyway? :'''Drakken''': I have no idea. But the military had it, it was top-secret, that's good enough for me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim as Ron''': Ron and I will distract them, while you disarm the neutronolizer... :'''Ron as Kim''': How come, when I finally get to be you, I still end up being the distraction? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': Good news, we're all back in our bods. Bad news, I think we neutranilized the Neutranilizer. :'''Kim''': Or not. ''[the Neutranilizer is in one piece]'' :'''Private Dobbs''': Did I neglect to mention that Neutranilizer is dang near indestructible? :'''Ron''': I know someone like that. :'''Kim''': Back at ya, brain-switch boy! ===''Attack of the Killer Bebes'' [1.9]=== :'''Kim''': There's plenty of teams and clubs out there. You could join... the Mathletes! :'''Ron''': Yeah, right! I can't get in that kind of shape! :'''Kim''': How about the debate team? :'''Ron''': Look, I'm not going to argue with you, Kim! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': ''[mocking Kim]'' Oh, I'm Kim Possible, I can do ANYTHING! ...Except believe in my best friend! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bonnie''': ''[mocking Ron's new Mad Dog mascot]'' This is idiotic! The entire student body will laugh at you. :'''Ron''': But- :'''Bonnie''': Not "with", "AT"! :'''Ron''': Look... :'''Bonnie''': Loudly and cruelly, they...will...laugh! :'''Ron''': You don't deserve to get kissed by a naked mole rat. :'''Rufus''': Yeah! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mr. Possible''': Frankly, your mother has the good advice vis-a-vis boy trouble. :'''Kim''': This isn't about boys, Dad. It's about Ron. :'''Mr. Possible''': Oh. Gotcha. :'''Kim''': Everyone got down on Ron, and I don't know, maybe I should have stuck up for him. :'''Mr. Possible''': But you didn't... :'''Kim''': He was foaming at the mouth. I'm only human! :'''Mr. Possible''': Well, you know, Kimmy Cub, back when I was in college, I had a group of friends, my posse, if you will. It was the night of the big science department mixer. In those days, I wasn't exactly a ladies man. (Cue flashback to his collage days, It's the night of the science department mixer. Drew promised them dates but instead has built girl robots named bebe that are suppose to obey him but they malfunction and they laugh at him) <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mr. Possible''': Drew dropped out and we never saw him again. He never forgave us, and I think, in some small way, we never forgave ourselves. : '''Kim''': For just a giggle fit? : '''Mr. Possible''': No, no, Kimmy Cub, we laughed for days. looong and loud... with youthful abandon! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': Wade, Ron's missing. Can you find him? :'''Wade''': Do you think I have him microchipped, or something? :'''Kim''': Well, do you? :'''Wade''': ''[reluctantly]'' Yeah, hang on... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': The fact, that I was so rotten to you, that's not gonna drive you into becoming some sort of mask wearing villain, is it? :'''Ron''': If I said yes, would you let me do my Mad Dog-routine? :'''Kim''': That's not a good reason for me to say yes. :'''Ron''': I know. :'''Kim''': Because you're my best friend, that's a good reason. :'''Ron''': Boo-yah! Mad Dog lives! ''[howls like a dog]'' ===''Royal Pain'' [1.10]=== :'''Barkin''': This is a democracy, people, '''NOW DO AS I SAY! LET'S HEAR SOME NOMINATIONS!''' ===''Coach Possible'' [1.11]=== :'''Ron''': It's just a game. With small children. Who cry when they see you coming! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': ''[To her mother]'' Not the puppy dog pout! That's ''mine''! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': Ron, what are you doing here? :'''Ron''': I come for the games but I stay for the burnt pizza smell. ''[sniffs the air]'' Mmm. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Senor Senior Jr.''': Looks like we picked up a few passengers. Kim Possible and her sidekick-type friend whose name escapes me. :'''Senor Senior Sr.''': ''[leaning out of helicopter]'' What is your name again, young man?ǃ :'''Ron''': ''[yelling]'' IT'S RONǃ RON STOPPABLEǃ :'''Senor Senior Sr.''': ''That's'' right... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': Quick, shimmy up the cable. :'''Kim''': ''You're'' closer, ''you'' shimmy. :'''Ron''': Have you ever seen me shimmy? It's not pretty. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': Come on, we don't have much time. :'''Kim''': Ron, they're in a ''helicopter''? We'll never catch them. :'''Ron''': Who's talking about them? Bueno Nacho closes in three minutes! I'm starving! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': You get one chimerito and they give you like a dozen little packets of Diablo sauce. You can't ''possibly'' use all this sauce. Somewhere, there's a landfill loaded with unopened hot sauce. And someday, ''I'm'' gonna find it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': I think your natural competitive Kim-ness has taken you to a very dark place. <hr width="50%"/> :''Wade''': Well. They shouldn't be hard to find. :'''Ron''': Yeah, the ''map'' helps. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Senor Senior Sr.''': It is your evil disco; not mine. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Senor Senior Sr.''': So, you taught the animals to cha cha cha. Now, tell me your villainous scheme. :'''Senor Senior Jr.''': My plan is this. As the funny animals dance to the pounding beat, the crowd will be inspired to do the same! :'''Senor Senior Sr.''': And then? :'''Senor Senior Jr.''': We will party all night long! :'''Senor Senior Sr.''': Everyone will dance? ''That'' is your evil plan? :'''Senor Senior Jr.''': Aaaaand...I will overcharge for beverages! Hahahaha! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Senor Senior Sr.''': Ah, the 'clever threat'! Good, Jr.! Now, you must follow through with a display of violent anger. :'''Senor Senior Jr.''': But I'm mildly put off at best! <hr width="50%"/> :''[In the Possible living room, Kim's dad is shown to have broken his leg]'' :'''Mr. Dr. Possible''': Kimmy Cub, the team needs a coach, just until I'm back on my feet. :'''Kim''': You cannot be serious; I don't know the first thing about soccer. :'''Mrs. Dr. Possible''': What's to know? You're wonderful with children. ''[Kim's twin brothers, Jim and Tim come in rolling, fighting and knocking over furniture]'' :'''Kim''': ''[angrily]'' Those are not children! I'm not even sure if thier human! ''[her Kimmunicator beeps]'' Wade, what's the sitch? :'''Wade''': There's been some trouble at JP Barrymore's Pizza Partytorium! :'''Kim''': Tell me about it! My dad is totally out of action. :'''Wade''': No, Kim, after you guys left, they were robbed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Waiter''': Somebody stole JP Barrymore! :'''Ron''': At least you still have the back-up band. :'''Waiter''': The bear was totally carrying those hacks! JP is the state of the art animatronic musicians! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': Pizzapottomus! No! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': KP, this can't go on. :'''Kim''': What? :'''Ron''': Studying, in study hall, it sets a bad precedent. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': There's no "I" in team. :'''Tim''': And there's no "fun" in soccer. :'''Jim''': Not with her hogging the ball. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': Wade, can you hack into the system contolling the animals? :'''Wade''': Kim, it's the most sophisticated computer system I've ever ''seen''! :'''Kim''': ''It's a banjo-playing bear!'' :'''Ron''': '''''THEY TOOK HIS BANJO!''''' ===''Pain King vs. Cleopatra''' [1.12] === :'''Ron''': ''[scoffing]'' Cleopatra. Who's going to remember ''her'' 10 years from now? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': Prepare to be body slammered, Jackal! :'''Ron''': That's body slammed, Kim. ===''Monkey Fist Strikes'' [1.13]=== :'''Dr. Possible''': Morning, honey. How'd Cambodia go? :'''Kim''': Mixed. The good part, I rescued a priceless icon from a ferociously snaky, spiky pit. Less good, a ninja stole it. :'''Dr. Possible''': Isn't that just like those darn ninjas? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lord Monty Fiske''': Crazy, you say? Like it was crazy to spend the family fortune on radical genetic mutation and dangerous experimental surgery? Like it was crazy to become a man-monkey WHO VIOLATES EVERY LAW OF NATURE AND SCIENCE?! ''[calms down]'' It's a touch unconventional... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lord Monty Fiske''': Bow to my power! I am... MONKEY FIST! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Monkey Fist''': And so, monkey hater, we meet again...! ''[bell chimes]'' Serenity time, time to center... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': ''[thinking]'' I must become that which I fear most... ''[aloud]'' HEY, MONKEYS! HIT ME! ===''October 31st'' [1.14]=== :'''Drakken/Killigan''': Kim Possible?! :'''Killigan''': You know her? :'''Drakken''': Know her, hate her. Shego, ATTACK! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Killigan''': I WANT MY MONEY! :'''Drakken''': Look, I said I would pay you when the stolen Centurion Project is in my possession. It is ''not'' in my possession, therefore, I'm not paying. :'''Killigan''': You... you... you're a criminal! :'''Drakken''': My dear fellow, I repeatedly try to take over the world. ''OF COURSE I'M CRIMINAL!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': Wade, cool costume...! Wait a second, you're going to leave your room? :'''Wade''': No way, I do it all online. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alien''': Greetings, Anchor Man! I come from a distant star cluster, seeking chocolate! :'''Wade''': Hey, Eugene. :'''Alien''': Aw, how did you know it was me? :'''Wade''': Cross-ref'd your ISP address. I put the candy credits in your mailbox. :'''Alien''': Thanks, Wade! Go in peace. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Killigan''': AH, STICK A SOCK IN IT! ===''All The News'' [1.15]=== :'''Ron Stoppable''': It's an exposé I call... :'''Editor''': "Math: You'll Never Actually Use It In The Real World" :'''Ron Stoppable''': I'm already working on a follow-up piece about semicolons! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Adrena Lynn''': ''Fuh-reaky!'' ''[repeated line]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim Possible''': Some kid's gonna get hurt trying to imitate that girls stunts! :'''Jim''': Hey! Let's see if we can sneak into the bear cage at the zoo, like Adrena Lynn! :'''Tim''': Cool! :'''Jim''': Here, tie this steak on! <hr width="50%"/> : '''TV Announcer''': And reports that Adrena Lynn is a fake, coupled with a rash of copycat stunts across the country... :'''Jim''': That's us! ''[high fives Tim, prompting pain, given they bungee jumped off a roof with yarn shortly beforehand]'' :'''TV Announcer''': ...has prompted this network to ''cancel'' Adrena Lynn in favor of more... responsible programming. ''[reaction shot]'' So! Stay tuned for an extra hour of... "Stuff on Fire!" <hr width="50%"/> : '''Dr. Possible''': Jim, Tim, there'll be no rooting for your sister's foe. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim Possible''': Listen, I'm sorry you almost plunged to your death on worldwide television... :'''Brick Flagg''': Kim, stop. I get it now. :'''Kim Possible''': ''[dubious]'' You do? :'''Brick Flagg''': Sure. You had that skinny guy expose Adrena Lynn so she'd freak out and set up this whole 'Save Brick' thing, just to prove you dug me! Kim, you're nice and all, but you try too hard. If you just asked me out, that's cool, but this is too much. I'm sorry, but it's over. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Brick''' ''[to Kim]'' Hey. :'''Kim''': Um, hey, Brick. :'''Brick''': Uh, nice outfit. :'''Kim''': Thanks. It's, er, my size. :'''Brick''': You know, I think what you do is really amazing. :'''Kim''': Oh saving the world is no big. :'''Brick''': I mean how your always spelling stuff in your cheers. It's so C-O-O-L... ''[pause]'' That's cool, right? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': ''[to Ron]'' Why are you looking at me like that? :'''Ron''': Cause I've found my story. I'm gonna interview you! ''The'' Kim Possible! :'''Kim''': Since when does my name have a "''The''" in front of it? :'''Ron''': And Kim, I won't accept anything less than the hard-hitting truth. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''' ''[about Adrena Lynn's show]'' This show is a mind-numbing waste of satellite frequencies. :'''Ron''': You're right. Besides, I'm taping it at home. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Adrena Lynn''': Ratings are up, merchandise sales are up! :'''Cameraman''': M-hm. Copycat incidences are up, too. :'''Adrena Lynn''': It means they're watching. Not my fault if the little dweebs aren't careful. :'''Cameraman''': Maybe they don't get you fake the stunts? :'''Adrena Lynn''': Whatever. The point is if we're to stay on top, the next stunt must be bigger, more extreme! :'''Cameraman''': Like what? :'''Adrena Lynn''': I'm thinking bungee. Freaky! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bonnie''': Kim, I think it is so great what you did. :'''Kim''': Which was? :'''Bonnie''': I mean to risk utter embarrassment and total rejection like that. ''[shows Kim the paper]'' :'''Kim''': ''[reads from the newspaper]'' "''Cheerleader Kim Possible thinks quarterback Brick Flagg is H-O-T, hot.''" By... ''[angrily]'' Ron Stoppable?! :'''Bonnie''': We'll totally be here for you when he dumps you. :''[Brick appears]'' :'''Brick''': So, Kim, you think I'm hot? :'''Kim''': Actually, what I think I said was... :'''Brick''': Cool. What are you doing Friday night? :'''Kim''': Nothing. I mean nothing with you. :'''Brick''': Pick you up at eight? :'''Kim''': I, uh... :'''Brick''': ''[to some random boy next to him]'' Hey, she thinks I'm hot. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': ''[to Ron]'' So, I think Brick Flagg is hot?! :'''Girl''': ''[to some boy]'' It's true. She just said it herself! :'''Ron''': Did you see it? My name in lights? Well, in ink actually, but still. :'''Kim''': Ron, you ferociously misquoted me! :'''Ron''': Whoa. I may have done a tiny bit of rephrasing but, come on; you'd think a crime-fighting cheerleader would give a more interesting interview. The paper liked my story so much, they're giving me a column! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': ''[to the cafeteria lady]'' I'll have an omelet, whites only. ''[gets a heap of greasy food, to Kim]'' She must not know who I am. :'''Kim''': I'm not sure I know who you are. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Brick''': ''[to Wade]'' Hey, you're Kim's computer dude. :'''Wade''': And you're that "Kim thinks you're hot" dude. :'''Brick''': ''[proudly]'' Yeah, yeah, that's me. :'''Kim''': Excuse me, uh, Brick, I have to go. :'''Brick''': See you Friday. :'''Wade''': He seems nice. :'''Kim''': Okay, spit it out, computer dude. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': What a story! Adrena Lynn is a real hero. :'''Kim''': Ron, she stole that blimp. :'''Ron''': This is art, KP. Sacrifices must be made. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': ''[notices the Adrena Lynn dummy that Kim saved]'' Oh, no, it can't be! It was just a dummy. She didn't even fall. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': Ron, get over it, already. :'''Ron''': Sorry, KP, but discovering that your action hero is a big fake is not something you just get over. :'''Kim''': And this from a wrestling fan? :'''Ron''': I don't get the connection. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wade''': Looks like Pop-Pop Porter got so much publicity; he's not pressing charges for the blimp theft. :'''Ron''': She's getting away with it? :'''Wade''': Well, I was able to highlight the key areas on that photo file. :'''Ron''': She calls herself extreme. The big fake! :'''Kim''': Imagine that. Lying to the public just to build up your own reputation. :'''Ron''': Disgusting! ''[pauses]'' Well, Adrena Lynn might get a pass from Pop-Pop, but Ron Stoppable smells a story. <hr width="50%"/> :''[While Kim is watching the TV]'' :'''Anchorwoman''': And, in our top story, Ron Stoppable of the Middleton High newspaper reports that extreme teen Adrena Lynn is an extreme fake. :'''Ron''': ''[shows a newspaper]'' I'm in the paper, too. I'm national, baby! :'''Kim''': ''[reads from the newspaper]'' "''Ace reporter Ron Stoppable, heralded for breaking the story of TV fake. Adrena Lynn's ratings plummet faster than her fake fall''." Can this get any more annoying? <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Jim and Tim end up in the hospital]'' :'''Kim''': You were doing what?! :'''Jim''': Bungee jumping out of a blimp, like Adrena Lynn. :'''Tim''': Only we didn't have a blimp, so we used the roof. :'''Jim''': And we didn't have a bungee cord, so we used yarn. :'''Mr. Dr. Possible''': That Adrena Lynn is a menace! :'''Mrs. Dr. Possible''': ''[angrily]'' She didn't really bungee jump out of a blimp. Don't you boys watch the news? :'''Jim''': No. The only show we watch is Adrena Lynn. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': Brick, wait! We need to talk. :'''Brick''': Did you just say "we need to talk"? ''[Kim nods]'' That's exactly what Amelia said last year when she dumped me. I mean, when we, you know, broke up. :'''Kim''': Well, you can't really call it breaking up if we haven't even... :'''Brick''': I was a wreck. I totally blew it in the big game against East Side. So, what did you wanna talk to me about? :'''Kim''': Just that... I can't wait for Friday either. :'''Brick''': Cool. ''[walks off]'' :'''Kim''': I am so toast. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the Possible residence, the TV is only showing static]'' :'''Mr. Dr. Possible''': Darn TV! :'''Tim''': You have to make it work. What good having a broken leg if you can't watch TV all day? :'''Mrs. Dr. Possible''': Maybe this is a good thing. We can have quality family time. :''[Pause]'' :'''Jim''': ''[desperate]'' Dad, please! :'''Tim''': You're a rocket scientist. Can't you do something? :'''Mr. Dr. Possible''': Well, I could put it in geosynchronous orbit, but I'm not sure how that would help. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Adrena Lynn''': ''[about Kim]'' She is so toast! Roll the camera! :'''Cameraman''': Hello, Lynn, we've been cancelled! :'''Adrena Lynn''': We're not cancelled until I say we're cancelled! ''[Cameraman starts to film as she talks]'' A lonely highway, a desperate mission. Tonight I will pull my greatest stunt yet! Revenge against Kim Possible and Ron Stoppable! ''[the camera man cuts the camera]'' How's that for a teaser? :'''Cameraman''': Good. It'd be better if we had an audience. :'''Adrena Lynn''': Oh, we will. <hr width="50%"/> :''[When Kim comes home]'' :'''Mrs. Dr. Possible''': Oh, Kimmy, your boyfriend called while you were out. :'''Kim''': He's not my boyfriend! :'''Mrs. Dr. Possible''': That's not what Ron said on the Ron Report. ''[Kim sighs]'' Is something wrong, honey? :'''Mr. Dr. Possible''': ''[pause]'' You have our undivided attention. ''[pause]'' The TV's broken. :'''Kim''': Ron made up a story about me liking the quarterback, and now I'm stuck dating him or we'll lose the big game. Meanwhile, there's a worldwide satellite crisis. :'''Mrs. Dr. Possible''': Kimmy, you have to be honest with Brick. If the football team loses, it's not your fault. ''[pause]'' I can't help you with the satellite thing. :'''Tim''': ''[pointing to the TV]'' Uh, I don't think you have to worry about dating Brick tonight. :'''Brick''': ''[on TV]'' Hey, I thought you said Kim wanted to meet me here. :'''Adrena Lynn''': Oh, she'll be here. :'''Jim & Tim''': Adrena Lynn! :'''Mr. Dr. Possible''': Huh, I thought she was cancelled. ''[switches through all the channels, but all of them show Adrena Lynn]'' :'''Kim''': Well, I think we know who's jamming the satellite transmissions. [takes out her Kimmunicator] Wade? :''[Adrena Lynn's broadcast appears on her Kimmunicator]'' :'''Adrena Lynn''': Tonight, Ron Stoppable, Kim Possible versus me in extreme combat! And, to raise the takes, I have Kim's boyfriend. :'''Kim''': ''[angrily]'' He is not my boyfriend! ''[everyone looks at her, and she sighs]'' Don't worry, I'm going. ''[leaves]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Kim and Ron are driving through the woods on Ron's scooter]'' :'''Ron''': Kim, the only thing down this road is the old Middleton Fairgrounds. :'''Kim''': That, and Adrena Lynn. :'''Ron''': That place is haunted. Plus, I lost ten bucks trying to win a stuffed hippo. :'''Kim''': Too bad, Ron. If it weren't for you and your stories, we wouldn't be here! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Adrena Lynn''': High school quarterback, Brick Flagg, takes the ride of his life! And only one person can save him! His beloved girlfriend, Kim Possible! :'''Ron''': And me. :'''Kim''': Drop the dramatics, Adrena Lynn. This isn't a game! :'''Adrena Lynn''': Exactly! It's real, it's extreme, and it's freaky! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': ''[while on the swings ride]'' Kim! No, please, this ride always makes me throw up! Argh! ''[he spins around]'' ...Kim! ...Kim! ...Kim! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': Adrena Lynn, you can not do this! :'''Adrena Lynn''': And why not? :'''Ron''': I'm the one responsible for you being cancelled. I called you a fake. :'''Brick''': What? :'''Ron''': I guess takes one to know one. I made up that stuff about Kim liking Brick just to sell my story. :'''Brick''': Oh, harsh! :'''Ron''': It worked, kind of, but the thing is that if the fake part about you is what people like, what good is that? :'''Adrena Lynn''': You're right. :'''Ron''': From now on I'm keeping it real. :'''Adrena Lynn''': Me, too. Starting with my very real defeat of Kim Possible! ''[she laughs manically]'' :'''Ron''': Okay, that didn't work. <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Kim has saved Brick]'' :'''Kim''': Let's see. ''[imitating Adrena Lynn's voice]'' What will I do next? ''[takes Adrena Lynn, and flies high up with her using a jetpack]'' :'''Adrena Lynn''': I do extreme stunts for a living. You think I'm afraid of heights? :'''Kim''': You fake extreme stunts. Let the world see how brave you are when there's real danger. ''[flies wildly]'' Not so extreme after all now, are you? Are you?! :'''Adrena Lynn''': ''[terrified]'' No. :'''Jim & Tim''': ''[watching it on television]'' Now she tells us! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': Headline: Quarterback sacks Kim Possible! She has a dislocated heart and will be out for the remainder of the season! ''[Rufus shuts his mouth]'' :'''Kim''': Thank you. <hr width="50%"/> ===''Kimitation Nation'' [1.16]=== :'''Drakken''': Kim Possible always defeats me! And it vexes me so. :'''Shego''': You? I'm the one fighting her. :'''Drakken''': That's true. It is you she always defeats. :'''Shego''': What's your point? :'''Drakken''': I simply need to tip the odds in your favor. :'''Shego''': How? :'''Drakken''': Suppose you outnumbered her. Suppose there was an army of you against one of her. :'''Shego''': Oh no, again with the cloning!? :'''Drakken''': One little thread of hair should do it... :'''Shego''': ''[pulls out her contract]'' Whoa, whoa, whoa, back up, chief! You cannot have my DNA! I have a "no cloning"-clause in my contract. Remember? :'''Drakken''': That was then. This is now! :'''Shego''': Yeah, yeah. And this is me saying I QUIT! :'''Drakken''': Shego, wait, don't go! Oof, I think I got a papercut. <hr width 50%> :'''Drakken''': Who needs Shego and her DNA?! I have options! I have henchmen! :''[Cut to henchmen doing their usual incompetant stuff]'' :''[Drakken walks over to his desk and slouches into the chair]'' :'''Drakken''': ''[to henchmen]'' ...To clone any one of you would be a crime against humanity that even ''' ''I'' ''' am incapable of. ===''The Twin Factor'' [1.17]=== :''[Shego enters]'' :'''Guard''': Hey, Frankie, you got my eye smoker? :'''Shego''': Maybe ought to lay off the caffeine. ''[uses her energy to put the guard to sleep]'' It keeps you awake. :'''Drakken''': Well done, Shego! :'''Shego''': Dr. Drakken, stop! :'''Drakken''': I give the orders. You do not tell me to stop. ''[alarm goes off]'' :'''Shego''': ''[irritated]'' I do, when I haven't shut down the alarm system yet! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': ''[under mind control, to Ron]'' Doctor Drakken will see you now. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Possible''': Remember: candy is dandy, but fruit helps you poop. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Drakken''': I love this. Hand me a fork. :'''Shego''': ''[under mind control]'' Yes, Dr. Drakken! :'''Drakken''': Get me a Dodo bird. :'''Shego''': Yes, Dr. Drakken! :'''Drakken''': Psyche! Dodo birds are extinct! Oh, I'm being silly. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Kim, Ron, and Jim & Tim are about to go on a plane trip]'' :'''Kim''': Okay. Does anybody need to take care of any business? :'''Jim & Tim''': No. :'''Ron''': "Business"? Like what? Banking? :'''Kim''': Ron, ''business''. As there won't be any "rest-stops". :'''Ron''': Kim, the boys are 10. They don't need to take a nap. I don't think rest is gonna be an issue. :''[Rufus climbs up to Ron's ear and whispers to him]'' :'''Ron''': Oh... right. ''[pauses]'' Uh... excuse me. ''[runs toward the house]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rufus''': ''[When he and Ron are cornered by the mind controlled Kim and Shego]'' Uh oh, uh unn, oh no, oh no, pain, please no, un uh. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Kim and Shego have been freed from Drakken's control]'' :'''Shego''': Nice outfit. :'''Kim''': Nice apron. :'''Shego''': ''[rips off the apron and angrily walks to Drakken]'' Okay, Doc. For future reference, the chip made obey every command. But I was aware of exactly what was happening! :'''Drakken''': The whole time? :'''Shego''': Dodgeball and dodos!? :'''Drakken''': Ooh... :'''Shego''': DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT LISTENING TO YOU IS LIKE!? IT IS SO BORING! :''[Shego chases Drakken out of the lair]'' ===''Animal Attraction'' [1.18]=== :'''Ron''': ''[to Kim]'' You blue foxes think you know everything! ===''Monkey Ninjas in Space'' [1.19]=== :'''Monkey Fist''': Take a picture, it'll last longer. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Possible''': There's nothing "cool" about stealing a spacecraft. :'''Monkey Fist''': Oh, really? :'''Dr. Possible''': That's right! In fact, I'd say that it's quite "whack." :'''Monkey Fist''': Doctor, I am guided by the ancient prophesy of the Mystical Monkey Monk... I am not "whack." <hr width="50%"/> :'''Monkey Fist''': And from the space station, we shall rule the world! Oh, the weapons on board must be incredible...! :'''Dr. Possible''': There are no weapons on the space station! It's dedicated to peaceful research. :'''Monkey Fist''': Now, ''that''... is "whack." <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': [[w:Planet of the Apes|Get your stinking paws off me, you filthy monkey!]] ===''Ron the Man'' [1.20]=== ===''Low Budget'' [1.21]=== :'''Frugal Lucre''': Kim Possible, we meet at last! ''[Loses the fake accent]'' Oh, this is so cool! :'''Ron''': Drop it, mama's boy! :'''Frugal Lucre''': Am not! And don't come any closer. This thing's loaded! :'''Kim''': With what? :'''Frugal Lucre''': Beef bullion, if you must know. Ever try to get the smell out? Huh? You can't! Ha-ha-ha-ha! :'''Kim''': Ew... :'''Ron''': He's right, Kim. Do what he says! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': Snapping turtles? :'''Ron''': Aisle ten. Next to the goldfish. :'''Frugal Lucre''': And they're hungry. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': Alright Lucre, cough up the sausages! :'''Ron''': Ew! Rephrase please! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Frugal Lucre''': You might've stopped me this time, Kim Possible, but Frugal Lucre will return! Muahahahaha...! If my mom bails me out. ==Season 2== ===''Naked Genius'' [2.1]=== :'''Wade''': So if Rufus is the genius, then how is Ron gonna build Draken a doomsday device? :'''Kim''': He's not. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Franklin''': Kim Possible? Lt. Franklin. :'''Kim''': What's the sitch? :'''Franklin''': At 0800 hours someone broke into the main lab and locked us out. :'''Franklin''': It appears the intended target is Project Phoebus. :'''Kim''': Which is...? :'''Franklin''': A top secret government experiment. :'''Kim''': Which does...? :'''Franklin''': Project Phoebus is a level five security classification. :'''Kim''': Which means...? :'''Franklin''': Look, it means I don't know what the darn thing does! None of us do. :'''Ron''': You're joking, right? :'''Franklin''': Is this the face of a joker, son? :'''Ron''': Yea, not so much. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Drakken''': And now, Shego, I shall use my newly acquired brilliance to begin the design of my doomsday device. ''[starts drawing]'' Yes! I can feel my brilliance blossoming. It's as if my hand is but a humble servant to the power of my advanced mind. ''[shows Shego the picture. It turns out that the picture is of a house.]'' So what do you think? :'''Shego''': Erm, nothing personal but it doesn't exactly scream doomsday or brilliance. :'''Drakken''': Nonsense! It must be so advanced that your own puny intellect cannot grasp it. ''[makes another drawing, then shows it to Shego.]'' Here! Take a look at this one! :'''Shego''': A puppy and a horsy. Cute. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Drakken''': Is it ready yet, boy?! :'''Ron''': Er, it may be in another two or three... or 16 weeks. Say, now might be a great time to take that super freak singles cruise you've been thinking about? :'''Drakken''': ''[breaks down door]'' That doomsday device better work. Otherwise, you'll be swimming with the fish! ''[to Shego]'' Fish, right? Or is it fishes? :'''Shego''': Fish or fishes. :'''Drakken''': Which is it? :'''Shego''': Both are correct plural forms of singular word, "fish". :'''Drakken''': You're very smug, right now, aren't you? :'''Shego''': A little bit. ===''Grudge Match'' [2.2]=== :'''Kim''': Ron, I'm gonna say something to you I've never said before. :'''Ron''': What? :'''Kim''': You're thinking too much! ===''Two to Tutor'' [2.3]=== :'''Shego''' ''[watching Junior run the obstacle course]'' Pretty good time... for a wounded tortoise. :'''Senior''': Hey Junior, I thought we could work on our evil laughs together? : '''Junior''': Father, can you not see I am a wounded porpoise? :'''Shego''': Yeah, I said "tortoise." With a "t." Tuh. Tuh. Tortoise! :'''Junior''': See, Father, how mixed up you make me! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': You know, for someone who can disarm a doomsday device, you seem to have major mixer issues. :'''Kim''': Ron, this machine hates me! :'''Ron''': It senses your fear. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': ''[trying to use the electric mixer]'' I feel ridiculous! :'''Ron''': [[The Empire Strikes Back|That, Kim... is why you fail.]] <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': Too bad about your restaurant. :'''Ron''': Well, when the health inspector saw a live rodent, you know, serving the food... [[Julius Caesar|the die was cast]]. :'''Rufus''': Sorry. ===''The Ron Factor'' [2.4]=== :'''Kim''': ''[pushes the opening off to the side for a bit on the line, "There is nothing I can't do."]'' No, no, seriously, you need Ron? ''[theme song resumes on "..know that I am on my way."]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Director''': Status report? :'''Scientist''': Project analysis is complete. The Ron Factor is a non-factor. :'''Dr. Director''': Well, there's a whole bunch of research dollars down the drain. :'''Scientist''': Not exactly. The data revealed a powerful untapped force. We call it the Rufus Factor. :'''Rufus''': Hi-yah! ===''Car Trouble'' [2.5]=== :''[After Drakken has been messed up by the advanced home appliances]'' :'''Drakken''': What happened? :'''Shego''': You know, for someone who is supposedly a mad genius I'm not seeing much of the genius. :'''Drakken''': Keep it up Shego, and you'll see plenty of the mad. :'''Shego''': ''[sarcastically]'' Ooh, scary man! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': Is using a calculator in algebra cheating? :'''Kim''': I don’t use a calculator. :'''Ron''': Okay. Well, is cutting and pasting stuff from the internet and calling it a term paper cheating? :'''Kim''': You are kidding, right? :'''Ron''': What? :'''Kim''': I can pass this thing on my own. I know I can. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mr. Barkin''': Now, let's see a K-turn. :'''Talking SUV''': Honey, I'll give you the whole alphabet. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': Is it cheating if I cheated but didn't mean to cheat? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Drakken''': You think your car's all that, but it's not! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': ''[Talking about how she failed her driver's test]'' Check the motto: I can do anything! :'''Ron''': Right, you can do anything, including fail. See, the logic? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': ''[to Ron]'' Let no one doubt your mad fence jumping skills. ===''Rufus in Show'' [2.6a]=== :'''Kim''': There he is... that's Falsetto Jones. :'''Ron''': Why do you think he's called "Falsetto"? :'''Falsetto''': ''[high-pitched]'' Welcome, humans and canines alike, to my annual dog show! :'''Kim''': Freak helium accident. :'''Ron''': Ouch. ===''Adventures in Rufus-sitting'' [2.6b]=== :'''Kim''': Rufus, jump down to me. :'''Rufus''': Uh-uh. :'''Kim''': Rufus, jump now! :'''Rufus''': Uh-uh, no way. :'''Kim''': ''[singing]'' Rock-a-bye Rufus in the treetop/ When the wind blows the cradle will rock/ When the bough breaks the cradle will fall/ And down will come Rufus, cradle and all. (Rufus falls on her hands) ===''Job Unfair'' [2.7]=== ===''Golden Years'' [2.8]=== :'''Drakken''': What am I supposed to do with an army of retired people...? Ooh, lemon squares! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': Wade! How did you find me? Do you have me microchipped or something? :'''Wade''': Uh... that's not important now... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Drakken''': That's right – your Nana is one bad grand-mother... :'''Kim''': You shut your mouth! :'''Drakken''': [[Shaft (1971 film)|I'm only talkin' 'bout Nana!]] :'''Kim''': It runs in the family. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Drakken''': Nana Possible! You think your lemon squares are all that, but they're not! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Kim and Nana raise their fists to strike]'' :'''Drakken''': ''Not in the face!'' :''[Kim and Nana exchange a look before kicking Drakken in the crotch instead]'' ===''Vir-tu-Ron'' [2.9]=== :'''Zita''': A knave can't do that. :'''Ron''': I'm no ordinary knave. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': Looks like the Wraithmaster's captured all the players. :'''Zita''': Come on! We've got to help them! :'''Ron''': Are all girls like this, or just the ones ''I'' know?! ===''The Fearless Ferret'' [2.10]=== :'''Ron''': I'm here to spread sunshine. :'''Timothy North''': Spread it on someone who cares. :'''Ron''': C'mon Mr. North I won't get school credit if I don't lift your spirit with my youthful zest. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Timothy North''': The Fearless Ferret never plays second fiddle! :'''Ron''': Well, see, t-that's perfect! I'm ready to step up! :'''Timothy North''': You, a fierce fighter of fiendish foes? :'''Ron''': For sure! ===''Exchange'' [2.11]=== :'''Ron''': Oh, sure, he has looks, attitude, and a bon-diggity ride, but can he do ''this''? :''[Stuffs an entire can of chips into his mouth]'' : '''Kim''': ...Why would he ''want'' to? <hr width="50%"/> : '''Master Sensei''': Do as your heart tells you. :'''Ron''': Can you hear it too? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': Fuji! Why is it always monkeys?! Why can't I ever be attacked by crazed super models?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Monkey Fist''': Let's just bring it, shall we? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': It is my honor to defeat you! ===''Rufus vs. Commodore Puddles'' [2.12a]=== :'''General Simms''': That's it. I'm activating the base's self-destruct sequence. The secrets contained in Area 51 must never be exposed. :'''Ron''': What secrets? Everybody knows already! :'''Kim''': Sir, we still have one last line of defense. :'''General''': And what would that be? :'''Kim''': Me. :'''Simms''': You've got ten minutes. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shego''': Now what did we agree on? :'''Drakken''': If I wanted a dog I had to promise to take care of him. Which I will. Later! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': That would be the coolest shot ever... if it weren't for the 2000 ton poodle that has been unleashed into an unsuspecting world. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': I know that this is going to sound weird, but you've got to let us in. There's this monster poodle.... :'''Soldier''': Name? :'''Kim''': Commodore Puddles. :'''Soldier''': Your name? :'''Kim''': Oh, uh Kim Possible. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': What's the real deal, what are you hiding here? :'''Simms''': I'll show you. :'''Kim''': It's flying saucers. :'''Ron''': Alien technology. :'''Simms''': Yada, yada. :'''Kim''': But that means all the rumors are true! :'''Simms''': Every last one of them. We've implemented a double-negative cover story. We make sure only to leak out information that is one-hundred percent accurate. :'''Ron''': But then it's not really secret. :'''Simms''': That's exactly what we want you to believe. :'''Ron''': Yeah, but then... never mind. <hr width="50%"/> ===''Day of the Snowmen'' [2.12b]=== ===''A Sitch in Time'' [2.13-15]=== {{main|Kim Possible: A Sitch in Time}} ===''A Very Possible Christmas'' [2.16]=== :'''Ron''': That's it! The absolutely perfect gift for Kim! Christmas with her family! :'''Wade''': Then who will stop Drakken? :'''Ron''': Me! :'''Wade & Rufus''': Uh oh... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Drakken''': She'll be busy with her twinkle lights, and mistletoe, and carols... ''[SNIFF!]'' [[w:How the Grinch Stole Christmas|and roast beast! And FLIM FLANGLERS! AND ZOOB ZOOBLERS, AND...!]] :'''Shego''': Whoa whoa, Dr. D! :'''Drakken''': WHAT?! :'''Shego''': You stopped using words. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Drakken''': Soon, I, Dr. Drakken, will rule the Yule! The world will have a blue Christmas...! ''[sighs]'' It's just not the same when I rant to myself. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Drakken and Ron are fighting over the control panel of Drakken's ship, hitting buttons at random]'' :'''Computer''': Initiating emergency system test... launching escape pods... initiating self-destruct... initiating bedtime sequence. :''[A compartment opens, revealing a toothbruth in a glass, and a teddy bear sitting on a folded set of pajamas.]'' :'''Ron''': Wait a second! What was that? :'''Drakken''': ''[shields the bedroom set]'' I don't know what you're talking about. :'''Ron''': Before the teddy bear! :'''Computer''': Self-destruct in twenty... :'''Drakken''': Gah! What did you do?! This is my chance to rule the world! [[w:A Charlie Brown Christmas|All I want is what's coming to me! All I want is my fair share!]] :'''Ron''': SELF-DESTRUCT! SELF-DESTRUCT! :'''Drakken''': Chill out! I have escape pods! :'''Ron''': HAD escape pods, blue boy! We launched them! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Drakken and Ron are stranded at the North Pole]'' :'''Ron''': My fault?! It's not my fault! :'''Drakken''': This is so your fault! :'''Ron''': What, I'm supposed to let you take over the world? :'''Drakken''': In the spirit of the season, yes! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Drakken''': Ah, it went to voice mail! Um, hello, Shego, Dr. Drakken. I hope you're having a nice vacation. Uh, when you get the chance, could you get up here to the North Pole and save me?! Please! It's cold and windy and dark, and we've got nothing to...! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Shego is surprised to hear that Drakken has comped her vacation.]'' :'''Shego''': ''[reads note]'' "Shego, just my way of saying thanks for a super year, and Merry Christmas. Yours in evil, Dr. Drakken." Aw, that is so nice! Guess I should have taken his call. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Drakken and Ron are fighting over the last chicken leg.]'' :'''Drakken''': ''[crying]'' Name your price, Stoppable! Power? Glory? When I take over the world, you can have a continent! Any continent...! Not Europe. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Possible''': Kimmy! Where's Ron? :'''Kim''': ''[crying]'' I... I don't know. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Drakken, Shego, Ron, and the Possible Family around a fire in an igloo at the north pole]'' :'''Drakken''': This truce only lasts through the new year. After that, I'm gonna open up a big bag of freak on all of you! <hr width="50%"/> ''[Ron gets Drakken's phone to call for help]'' :'''Ron''': Hello, information? What's the number for 911? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': Thanks for the lift, Mr. Nakasumi. :'''Nakasumi''': ''[whispers]'' :'''Ms. Yori''': Nakasumi-san says, it is the least he can do, after you saved his video game factory in time for Christmas rush. :'''Kim''': No big. I just hope I can save this Christmas. ===''Queen Bebe'' [2.17]=== :''[Kim is in the park gathering trash as fast as she can. Ron is with her, but he works slowly]'' :'''Ron''': Kim, this just isn't working! :'''Rufus''': ''[on the end of the gathering stick, he tries to reach out to a disgusting food bag]'' Gross! :'''Kim''': Try, you guys. That Sweden-trip torched my schedule. :'''Ron''': And what about the dance? Maybe just leave it to... :'''Kim''': Don't even say the B-word! If I could just cover more ground faster... :'''Ron''': Or you could just learn to say "no". :'''Kim''': I'm not programmed that way, Ron. :'''Ron''': Really? Not that hard. Try it with me now. ''[grabs Kim's face, and twists her mouth]'' Okay, ready? No! :'''Rufus''': No! ''[Kim backs away]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': What's the big deal with letting Bonnie be in charge of the dance? :'''Kim''': Letting ''her'' chair the dance? She wouldn't settle for chair – she'd want throne. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': We're coming KP ''[running to the built bee hive]'' :'''Kim''': Ron. ''[realizes she's moving too fast for Ron to see her]'' You can't even see me. ''[continues fighting the Bebes]'' :'''Ron''': Kim? Are you here? :'''Bonnie''': They let you out of the dummy factory? :'''Ron''': Bonnie? You're their queen? :'''Bonnie''': This is so totally Kim's fault. Where is she? :'''Ron''': She's moving at hyperspeed, just like the Bebes. :'''Bonnie''': Uh?! Why does SHE get to be invisible? Is she gonna lord that over me, too? :'''Ron''': Not invisible, moving too fast to see! She's got new shoes. :'''Bonnie''': Whatever. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': You know, you should cut down on the extra-currics. :'''Kim''': And be a lazy, uninvolved sloth like you? :'''Ron''': Hey! Don't knock the sloth! Do you know they don't have go to the bathroom for a week? :'''Kim''': Er, any more fun sloth facts? :'''Ron''': No, no, I think that's it... Oh! They sleep upside down! <hr width="50%"/> ''[Kim and Rufus try to reach the dance but arrive at the Golden Gate Bridge]'' :'''Kim''': Only missed the dance by a ''thousand'' miles that time! :'''Rufus''': Oh man! :'''Kim''': Okay this time even slower. ''[The two race off and end up at the Statue of Liberty. Kim sighs, giving up]'' :'''Kim''': I'm sure the shoes will come off... eventually. Wanna dance? ''[Kim and Rufus begin dancing with each other in front of the Statue]'' ===''Hidden Talent'' [2.18]=== :'''Drakken''': First, you'll be sealed in a reinforced titanium box. Next, you will be dropped into this bottomless chasm. Then, the chasm will be filled with water. Then, man-eating sharks and a giant squid will then be released into the water! :'''Shego''': Wait, if the chasm is bottomless, how can you fill it with water? :''[pause]'' :'''Drakken''': IT'S VERY, VERY DEEP, ALL RIGHT?! ''[inhales]'' Lastly, I shall freeze over the water with a six-foot layer of solid GLACIAL ICE! ''[inhales]'' ANY QUESTIONS? :'''Shego''': Not if you're gonna get all snippy. :'''Kim''': Eh, beats humiliation at the talent show, I guess. ===''Return to Camp Wannaweep'' [2.19]=== :'''Bonnie''': You know Kim I have some cover up that'll help conceal those monstrous bags under your eyes. :'''Kim''': I wouldn't have bags under my eyes if it weren't for your ferociously loud snoring. :'''Bonnie''': ''[Gasps]'' Me? Snore? Must have been the crickets. :'''Kim''': Only if you inhaled them. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bonnie''': Stoppable, get back here and save us! Or, more specifically, me! ===''Go Team Go'' [2.20]=== :'''Ron''': ''[to Drakken]'' Hi, I'm Ron Stoppable. We've met, but you always seem to forget my name. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Aviarius''': Heat-seeking hummingbirds, attack! :'''Kim''': Hummingbirds? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Aviarius''': Release... the Flamingo of ''Doom''! :'''Shego''': Say what? :'''Ron''': [[w:Guybrush Threepwood|That is the second-biggest flamingo I have ever seen.]] <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hego''': The more we fought evil, the more Shego liked it. :'''Ron''': The fighting? :'''Kim''': The evil. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shego''': Argh, there's no way I can do this! Five minutes with my brothers and I'm ready to claw my own eyes out! ''[tries to walk out]'' :'''Kim''': ''[stops Shego from leaving]'' Shego, I have brothers, too. I know how annoying they can be, but you can't walk out. :'''Shego''': Why not? :'''Kim''': Because if you don't help, I'll tell the world you used to be a good guy. :'''Shego''': ''[shocked]'' You wouldn't! :'''Kim''': I have a website, and I'm not afraid to use it. :'''Shego''': My reputation would be shot! Argh! :'''Kim''': ''[takes her Kimmunicator]'' Wade, I need top to bottom scan on Go Manor. :'''Wade''': You got it, Kim! ''[notices Shego]'' Kim, is Shego in your kitchen? :'''Shego''': Just do your computer thing, nerdlinger. :'''Ron''': ''[referring to Shego]'' Has she always been this cranky? :'''Hego/Mego''': Oh, yeah. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': Shego, I thought we were in this together! :'''Shego''': Oh, come on! Don't you know me better by now? I mean ''[laughs]'' seriously! :'''Ron''': She's right. Keeping everybody's powers to herself and using them for evil. See, that's got more of the Shego vibe. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hego''': ''[to Shego]'' You may be a smart-mouth, prone to excessive violence, but deep down, you are still a member of Team Go: a hero. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Drakken''': I mean really, you practically gave it to her. :'''Shego''': Whatever. :'''Drakken''': Now that I know the whole story, I think you secretly wanted to lose. :'''Shego''': What? :'''Drakken''': That's right. You wanted your brothers to get their powers back. You don't really have it in you to betray them. :'''Shego''': Are you saying I'm growing soft? :'''Drakken''': As a marshmallow. :'''Shego''': RRRGGHHH! ''[rises from her seat]'' :''[Scene changes outside. Shego has thrown Drakken outside his mech and he is hanging on]]'' :'''Drakken''': Shego! I take it back! You're not a softie! Shego! ===''The Full Monkey'' [2.21]=== :'''Ron''': The mad dog cannot be caged, leashed- :'''Kim''': Or housebroken. :'''Ron''': That game was in triple overtime, I couldn't leave the court! I got a little excited, and, well, accidents happen. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Ron stops eating what he thought were snack treats.]'' :'''Ron''': OH, GREAT GOOGLY-MOOGLIES! WHAT IS IN MY MOUTH? :'''Professor Acari''': Toasted chili peppers... :'''Ron''': Oh, phew! :'''Professor Acari''': And mountain grasshoppers! Delicious, aren't they? :'''Kim''': Ron, maybe you should look before you eat. :'''Ron''': Crunchy and spicy has never betrayed me like this before! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Barkin''': Let's move it, people, time for student photos! Stoppable, none of your punk hand gestures this time. :'''Ron''': What? It was a thumbs-up! :'''Barkin''': Sit on your hands just in case. ===''Blush'' [2.22]=== :''[In a volcanic lair.]'' :'''Drakken''': And so, Kim Possible, all you can do is watch helplessly as I launch my pollution machine into the Earth's ozone layer! :''[Kim hits a switch, shutting the hatch to the launch tube. The pollution machine crashes, and the lair is destroyed. Cut to later, inside a space station.]'' :'''Drakken''': And so, Kim Possible, you have no choice but to bear witness to the power of my Doomsday Decimator! :''[Kim snags the decimator with a line and hauls it around before it fires, destroying the lair. Cut to later, in an underwater lair.] :'''Drakken''': And so, Kim Possible, the time has come for you to... ''[turns and sees Kim and Ron already free and running away, followed shortly by an explosion.]'' Oh, come on! Time out! I mean, I haven't even gotten into my gloating yet, for Pete's sake! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Drakken''': I'm serious, Shego - Kim Possible has foiled my plans for the last time! :'''Shego''': Yeah, the last time ''today'', maybe. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wade''': Activating parachute measures now! ...Oops! :'''Ron''': Wade! We're free-falling off a cliff! This is no time for "oops"! :'''Wade''': My bad! I never got around to actually installing the chute, it's sitting here in my closet! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shego''': Huh, he's kinda cute. I approve. :'''Drakken''': What are you, her sister all of a sudden? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Drakken''': ''[Thinking of a way to finally defeat Kim Possible]'' Embarrassment? That's it, Shego! That's the soft white underbelly of the teenage soul! :'''Shego''': Uh, ew. ===''Partners'' [2.23]=== :'''Amy''': You are the biggest meanie in the world! :'''Drakken''' : Aha, you have heard of me. <hr width 50%> :'''Drakken''': Now Shego, who got game? :'''Shego''': ''[sighs]'' You got game. :'''Drakken''': Straight up ''[falls down stairs]'' ===''Oh Boyz'' [2.24]=== ===''Sick Day'' [2.25a]=== :''[Shego has Kim trapped]'' :'''Kim''': I have to sneeze! :'''Shego''': What? :'''Kim''': I need to cover my nose! :'''Shego''': Nice try, Kimmy! :''[Kim sneezes right into Shego's face.]'' :'''Shego''': Ugh, that was a low blow! :''[Kim blows her nose]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Drakken''': I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it! What do you suppose this thing does, Shego? Shego? ''[phone rings]'' Hello? :'''Shego''': D, I'm calling in sick. Kim Possible gave me her stupid cold. :'''Drakken''': What!? You can't call in sick! :'''Shego''': I have to go, I'm... I'm... ''[puts down the phone and sneezes]'' Ugh, that's disgusting! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': Shego! Wow, you look green. I mean, greener. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Ron has brought the Ray-X to the Possible house]'' :'''Ron''': A sick, sneezy baby spread her germy ill all over me. Thank goodness for the Stoppable Fortress of Immunity! :''[Scene changes as Ron sits on the table, sick and eating chicken soup. He sneezes and Rufus brings him a tissue]'' :'''Kim''': ''[laughs]'' Fortress of Immunity, huh? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Ron and Kim both have colds.]'' :'''Ron''': I so don't get this soap opera! :'''Kim''': What's not to get? Felicia's arch-enemy created a machine that [[Kim Possible#Mind Games|swapped her brain with Brock's]]. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Drakken and Killigan are both in bed with colds.]'' :'''Duff Killigan''': Aye, can you believe Felician and Brock switched brains? :'''Drakken''': I know! So does that mean the wedding's off? ===''The Truth Hurts'' [2.25b]=== ''[Having been hit with a truth ray, Kim tries to see if she can lie.] :'''Kim''': The sky is – blue! My name is – Possible! Pro wrestling is – fake! Nooooo! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Shego prepares to fight Kim on ice skates]'' :'''Shego''': I'm going to whip you on technical merit ''and'' artistic expression! :'''Kim''': ''[motioning "come on"]'' Bring. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shego''': ''[mockingly to Drakken after Kim busts their hideout]'' "We'll build a frozen fortress, she'll ''never'' find us there!" <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wong''': ''[to Drakken]'' You make no sense to me. :'''Shego''': ''[sardonically]'' Welcome to my ''life''. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': My worst nightmare is the one where I'm at school, with only my underwear on. :'''Kim''': Ron, you've actually done that. ===''Mother's Day'' [2.26]=== :'''Mama Lipsky''': ''[seeing Drakken's lair]'' Is this all for your radio show? :'''Shego''': Radio show? :'''Drakken''': Yes... for my... radio show. Uh, I've got to get back to my callers. :''[He presses a button and his henchman listen]'' :'''Drakken''': Hello, listener. My advice to you is, you should... get in touch with your feminine side, yes. :''[Henchman look confused]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Drakken''': ''[to Shego]'' Mother doesn't know I'm a supervillain. She thinks I'm a radio talk show doctor. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Drakken shows his plans to steal the plasma with a model of the cargo train and describes them to Shego. At the end he snatches the train off its tracks and turns to see his mother.]'' : '''Mama Lipsky''': Aren't you a little old to be playing with your Peter Puffer Puff toys? : '''Shego''': She's got a point, Choo Choo Boy. <hr width="50%"/> : '''Mama Lipsky''': Don't you think it's time you settled down... ''[points to Shego]'' and met a nice girl? : '''Shego''': ''[caught off guard]'' Oh, um... ICK! <hr width="50%"/> :''[after helping her mother perform brain surgery]'' :'''Mrs. Possible''': You were a big help in there, Kimmy, and you didn't faint once. :'''Kim''': Oh, well, I was too busy throwing up. <hr width="50%"/> : '''Kim''': ''[seeing her mother dressed in the same style of mission outfit as Kim]'' Mom, this is a mission. I need Ron. : '''Mrs. Possible''': Well, now you don't have Ron. You have Mom. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Showing the henchmen his plan, Drakken smashes the pickle with his hand]'' : '''Mama Lipsky''': Drewby, what did I tell you about playing with your food? : '''Drakken''': ''[embarassed]'' My food is not a toy. It's for my tummy to enjoy. ''[Henchmen giggle]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[In the woods as the train with the synthoplasma draws near.]'' : '''Mama Lipsky''': ''[points to the sonic disruptor]'' What's that? : '''Drakken''': It's for man-in-the-street interviews. : '''Shego''': And where is the street? : '''Drakken''': Zip a lip, Shego. <hr width="50%"/> : '''Drakken''': ''[about Kim]'' It's a complicated relationship. : '''Mama Lipsky''': She must be a special girl. ''[to Shego]'' Looks like you missed your chance with my boy, honey. : '''Shego''': ''[sarcastically]'' Yes, how will I ever live with myself? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Drakken''': So, Kim Possible and her, eh... sister? :'''Mrs. Possible''': Is he hitting on me? :'''Kim''': Nah, sidekicks really confuse him. <hr width="50%"/> :''[On a speeding train.]'' : '''Shego''': Peter Puffer-Puff's approaching the giant gorge... : '''Drakken''': You're loving this, aren't you? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Possible''': What would Ron do now? :'''Kim''': Probably cry... or run. ===''Motor Ed'' [2.27]=== :'''Motor Ed''': Let's do it to it! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': Felix, you go stand watch. :'''Felix Renton''': You mean, "sit" watch. :''[Kim claps a hand to her mouth, mortified...]'' :'''Felix''': Kim? I'm just playing you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': Where is Ron? :'''Motor Ed''': Your skinny dude? Yeah, he's here. He's fine. But that can change... in a hurry. Seriously! :'''Ron''': Kim, get over here! And stop by Bueno Nacho drive-thru on your way, I'm starving. :'''Ed's Sidekick''': Oh, yeah, yeah, wait, me too, man! Put me down for an all-beef hoagie with hot peppers and mayo? Uh, anybody else want nuthin'? :'''Wade''': ''[typing]'' Keep talking, almost got a trace... :'''Motor Ed''': Hey, Red? Tell your computer guy not to waste his time on a trace. I'm shooting you a map. :''[A fax appears on Wade's machine.]'' :'''Wade''': He's not as dumb as the hairstyle might lead you to think... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Motor Ed''': This is bogus, Red! A man should not be booted off his ride! :'''Kim''': Quit calling me "Red"! Seriously! ===''Ron Millionaire'' [2.28]=== :'''Ron''': Ah, the Naco. My wondrous and historic creation for the Bueno Nacho corp. Part nacho, part taco, all delicious. :''[Ron imagines himself the subject of a black-and-white film, shot at the turn of the century.]'' :'''Ron''': [[w:Alexander Graham Bell|Possible, come here! I need you.]] :'''Kim''': ''[Western accent]'' Oh, Ronald, it is a wonderment! It will change the world. :'''Ron''': Yes. Yes, it shall. :''[Back in reality:]'' :'''Kim''': That's how you remember it? :'''Ron''': Pretty much. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': Open the envelope, Ron. Maybe the check's big enough for you to grande-size. :''[Ron opens the envelope, and his eyes bug out when he sees the check.]'' :'''Ron''': ''[stammering]'' I-it's for nuh-nuh-nuh, ni... :'''Kim & Bonnie''': ''[looking]'' $''99,000,000?!'' :'''Bonnie''': ''[tousling Ron's hair]'' Ron Stoppable, you are such a hottie! :'''Ron''': Are you saying that because I'm rich? :'''Bonnie''': Uh-huh. :'''Ron''': ...Cool! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': This is way worse than when he got the frou-frou haircut. :'''Wade''': Look at it this way: Ron's lost it much faster than usual, so maybe he'll snap out of it faster too. :'''Kim''': He's calling himself "The Ron." :'''Wade''': Or maybe he's lost to us forever : ===''Triple S'' [2.29]=== ===''Rewriting History'' [2.30]=== :'''Kim''': How could anybody who did so much good go so bad? :'''Dr. Possible''': Ah, don't worry, Kimmy Cub. I'm sure it won't happen to you. :'''Kim''': Dad! :'''Dr. Possible''': Oh, that's not where you were going with this. :'''Kim''': No! I'm just convinced that Mim's innocent. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shego''': Oh, let me guess, the previous tenant is Professor Dementor? :'''Drakken''': No, it's someone named Demens. :'''Shego''': Doy, that's Dementor's real name. :'''Drakken''': He uses a fake name? :'''Shego''': Ye-aah, can you imagine, Drew Lipsky? ==Season 3== ===''Steal Wheels'' [3.1]=== :'''Shego''': You actually stole a wheelchair. What's next? Candy from a baby? :'''Drakken''': Been there, done that. ''[Wubbzy and Daizy are giggling loudly upstairs] '''<big>WILL YOU TWO CRAZY MAGGOTS KEEP QUIET UP THERE?!!</big>''''' ===''Emotion Sickness'' [3.2]=== :'''Shego''': I don't get it. If you're such an evil genius, shouldn't you invent your own stuff? I mean, what's with the stealing? :'''Drakken''': It's called [[w:outsourcing|outsourcing]], Shego! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': Stealing again, Drakken? :'''Ron''': Whatever happened to inventing your own stuff? :'''Drakken''': It's called outsour... Oh, just get on with it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': Ron, you got some splainin' to do! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shego''': Brrrr. Cold weather: perfect for cuddling. Latte? :'''Drakken''': I like lattes, but as to the cuddling... Pasadena. :'''Shego''': Why? :'''Drakken''': Because... uh... because you're freaking me out that's why! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Kim finally caught up with Ron at her locker]'' :'''Kim''': Now, about that favor... :'''Ron''': ''[nervously tries to walk away]'' Look, Kim, I... :'''Kim''': You see, tonight's the big Middleton days festival, and I don't have a date. ''[stops Ron from leaving]'' :'''Ron''': Date? You wanna go to the festival as my date? :'''Kim''': Oh, I thought you'd never ask! :'''Ron''': Wait, but, I... :''[Ron is interrupted, when Kim begins to kiss him. After a brief confusion, Ron gives in and kisses her back]'' :'''Wade''': ''[appears on the screen]'' Hey guys, I... :''[Wade is shocked, when he sees Kim and Ron kissing. He spits his soda and falls from his chair. The kiss ends, and Ron falls slowly to the floor, extremely happy.]'' :'''Wade''': Um, bad time to call? :'''Kim''': ''[giggles]'' Guess what the sitch is, Wade? ''[lifts Ron back up]'' :'''Wade''': I'm, um... Just wanted to let you know I've got a link to the communicator and... Were you guys just smacking lips? :'''Kim''': Great, Wade. :'''Ron''': Whatever you say. :'''Kim''': I'm gonna get ready for tonight. ''[gives Ron a cat growl as she leaves]'' :'''Wade''': What's going on? ''[Ron closes the locker on Wade]'' This isn't normal! Hello!? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': Dating could be good, ya know, the date thing... But what if it tanks? It could totally wreck our friendship! No. No! I can't let that happen! Only one thing to do: break up with Kim! Thanks, man. You've been a big help. :'''Barkin''': Stoppable, how did you get in my house?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shego''': I was thinking it's time for some evil. :'''Drakken''': Evil, you say? You mean "take over the world" type evil or "Drakken goes ouch" evil? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Possible''': We're just tickled pink about you and Kimmy. :'''Ron''': We are? :'''Mr. Possible''': But not too pink. Time to have a fam-to-Ron talk. :'''Ron''': It is? :'''Mrs. Possible''': We want Kim to be happy. :'''Ron''': We do. :'''Mr. Possible''': If not, it's a one-way ticket on a deep space probe. :'''Ron''': H-how deep? :'''Mr. Possible''': Black hole deep, Ronald. :'''Ron''': Uh... great... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': ''[in a rage]'' Nobody dumps Kim Possible! :'''Ron''': Breaking up is so not easy! :''[Ron runs off with Kim furiously giving chase]'' :'''Drakken''': A scorned woman! Ha ha! The perfect weapon! :'''Dr. Bortel''': If she is wearing Moodulator number 1, then, where is the second one? :'''Drakken''': ''[realizing what Bortel means]'' The second one? Uh-oh! :'''Shego''': ''[with a fury]'' DRAKKEN! :''[Shego attacks Drakken with her energy blasts. Drakken runs away screaming]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Drakken''': Find your own hiding place. :'''Ron''': Oh, right. Like you called dibs. :'''Drakken''': Well, I am now. Dibs! Ha! :'''Ron''': Well, I'm calling double dibs. :'''Drakken''': Agh. Fine. You've won this round with your superior dib calling. But that won't save us from ''them!'' ''[Kim and Shego]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': ''[nervously]'' Still upset? :'''Kim''': ''[shows Ron the fried Moodulator]'' So not the drama! :'''Drakken''': So, Kim Possible, you were lucky this time. :'''Kim''': You might wanna be careful. :'''Drakken''': Ha! You threaten me? :'''Ron''': No, Shego's still got some ''major'' Moodulator issues. :'''Shego''': ''[jumps in]'' DRAKKEN! :'''Drakken''': Mommy! :''[Shego blasts Drakken with an energy blast, and he runs away with Shego chasing him]'' :'''Ron''': So I... I guess the crush and everything was all the Moodulator, huh? :'''Kim''': Not everything. There's still fireworks. :'''Ron''': You think so? :'''Kim''': ''[points to fireworks above them]'' ===''Bonding'' [3.3]=== :'''Bonnie''': What's the matter, K? Too rough out there for you? :'''Kim''': Maybe, Bonnie, if you caught me like you were supposed to... :'''Bonnie''': Was I? I thought you ''liked'' flying and falling all over the place! :'''Kim''': What exactly is your problem with me? :'''Bonnie''': Oh, it's always about YOU, isn't it, Kim? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': Today's not your lucky- :''[Ron falls on her, allowing Dementor to seize the electronic device.]'' :'''Dementor''': Correction, today I feel very lucky. So long, farewell, ''auf wiederschen'', GOODBYE! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': ''[Referring to Kim and Bonnie's rivalry]'' It's the circle of life. :'''Kim''': Interesting choice of words. ''[Lifts flashlight to illuminate a lion behind Ron, alluding to the ''Lion King']'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Possible''': Interesting. There's a high density molecular process involved in this bonding agent. :'''Mr. Possible''': It's a ''sticky'' situation! :'''Mrs. Possible''': Ha! Good one! :'''Mr. Possible''': Thanks. :'''Kim''': So not helping. <hr width="50%"/> :''[While Ron and Barkin are attached at the hip, Barkin drags Ron to a rugby match.]'' :'''Barkin''': Feels good! Feels right, doesn't it? :'''Ron''': I can taste my spleen... <hr width="50%"/> :''[Barkin is doing laps at the gymnasium pool, with Ron attached to his hip.]'' :'''Ron''': ''[gasping]'' You could have planned this a little better! :'''Barkin''': Don't be a water weenie, Stoppable! Only fifty more laps. Big breath, let's go! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Connie''': ''[to Kim/Bonnie]'' I got all the brains... :'''Lonnie''': I got all the looks... :'''Connie/Lonnie''': ...And Bonnie got the rest! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': Yep, it's Dementor's lair, all right. :'''Bonnie''': How can you tell? :''[Kim points]'' :'''Bonnie''': A gift shop? :'''Kim''': I remember when it used to be about the villainy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dementor''': You are too late! My men have already unleashed... ZE DACHSHUNDS! :'''Bonnie''': We're supposed to be afraid of little wiener dogs? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': You stole the kinetic modulator just to make cocoa? :'''Dementor''': It is ''very good'' cocoa. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bonnie''': Hold up, Mr. Bad Accent Guy. Why are you telling us all this? Why don't you just get on with it? :'''Kim''': That's how these things go. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Barkin''': I knew this day would come. Just me and the mutant wiener dogs. :'''Ron''': You knew this day would come? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dementor''': When the machine is activated, you will both be vaporized! Poof! :'''Bonnie''': Why are you going to such elaborate measures? Isn't there an easier way to do this? :'''Kim / Dementor''': It's how it's done! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dementor''': Why did you have to break down the door? It wasn't locked, and I just had it painted! ===''Bad Boy'' [3.4]=== :'''Drakken''': Shego! Do you know what this means? :'''Shego''': You're gonna gorge yourself on corndogs and hork on Dementor again? :'''Drakken''': That was last year and those were funnel cakes! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Good Drakken''': I never joke about cocoa-moo! :'''Shego''': Cocoa-moo? :'''Good Drakken''': It's uses are limitless! Pudding, cookie dough, foot massages... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Good Drakken''': Mmmmm, that's good cocoa-moo! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': Wade, I need you to keep an eye on Ron. You've still got him chipped, right? :'''Wade''': Kim, we talked about the ethical ramifications of that... :'''Kim''': Wade... :'''Wade''': Yeah, okay. :'''Kim''': Please and thank you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Good Drakken''': Ha-ha-ha! Had enough yet? I think you're quite finished! ''[emerges from the kitchen]'' Who wants peanut butter stickies? :''[Two of his henchmen exchange a puzzled look, but both raise their hands.]'' :'''Shego''': This is sick and wrong on so many levels! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Evil Ron''': Kim Possible! :'''Kim''': Since when do you use my last name? :'''Evil Ron''': Since I realized my full evil potential! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': Ron, you've got to stop! Evil isn't your thing, it's Drakken's thing! :'''Evil Ron''': Oh, but I'm so much better at it! Did Drakken ever build a plasma blaster of this stature? Did he?! :'''Good Drakken''': I did not. :'''Shego''': You didn't. Who knew the buffoon was a natural? <hr width="50%"/> :'''TV''': Danny wait, what about us? I told you, we're just friends and it has to stay that way :'''Ron''': Oh please, are they still teasing that Charity and Danny will get together? :'''Kim''': Like that's ever going to happen. Besides, it would end the series. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Ron opens a shark tank under Shego]'' :'''Evil Ron''': Sidekicks need to know their place... right? :'''Shego''': Uh... uh... you got it! Uh, I'll just go check the security monitors. Hey, you know that evil laugh of yours? I-I love it! Loooove it! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': I never thought I would be saying this. But, Dr. Drakken: I'm counting on you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Evil Ron''': We've got an intruder! Kim Possible! Get ready for a smackdown in my town! :'''Shego''': She's not on the monitors. How-how do you know? :'''Evil Ron''': Been doing a little "scannage" for the Kimmunicator's frequency! :'''Shego''': Rrrggh! Now why didn't he ''[Drakken]'' ever think of that?! :'''Evil Ron''': That's why I'm the big dog. WOOF WOOF, BARK! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Evil Ron''': Welcome, Kimberly Ann Possible! :'''Kim''': The middle name is so overkill. :'''Evil Ron''': Overkill? Isn't that the idea? A-booyahahahaha! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Drakken''': ''[back to normal]'' You ditched me for that? :'''Shego''': Did you see his mega-weather generator?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Drakken''': You think you're all that, but you're-! :''[Drakken gasps as his lair explodes.]'' ===''Showdown at the "Crooked D"'' [3.5]=== :''[After Joss, Kim's obsessed cousin, recognizes Rufus, but not Ron.]'' :'''Ron''': This is the pocket that Rufus comes out of! :'''Joss''': Uh... oh, yeah! You're the one who's always losing his drawers. :'''Ron''': Oh, sure, you save the world on a regular basis, and no one remembers your name. But you lose your pants six or eight times, and they never let you live it down! ===''Dimension Twist'' [3.6]=== :'''Scientist 1''':The device can create a black hole the size of Nevada. :'''Kim & Ron''': The pan-dimensional vortex-inducer? :'''Scientist 2:''': How did you know? :'''Kim''': Last year. :'''Ron''': Professor Dementor. :'''Kim''': Las Vegas. :'''Ron''': Almost went black hole. :'''Kim & Ron''': Saved the world. :'''Scientist 1''': Well, it's been stolen. Again. :'''Ron''': Aww, man, a rerun! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shego''': Do you always got to be the hero? :'''Kim''': Always got to be the pain? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Contestant''': Can I pick Kim twice? :'''Drakken''': How come no one ever picks me? :'''Contestant''': 'Cause you're the creepy blue guy! :'''Evil Eye for the Bad Guy Host #1''': Blue is so last season. :'''Evil Eye for the Bad Guy Host #2''': This year is evil umber! :'''Doctor''': Blue skin? That means he's not breathing! Quick, somebody, get the jaws of life! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Drakken''': Its a trap-trap. No one ever expects a trap-trap. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Drakken''': Aha, Kim Possible, you have fallen for my trap! :'''Kim''': Ron, you said this wasn't a trap. :'''Ron''': How can it be a trap if we knew that it was a trap? :'''Drakken''': Its a trap-trap. :'''Ron''': Oh, yeah, okay. :''[Kim's Kimmunicator beeps.]'' :'''Drakken''': Nargh, answer it. :'''Wade''': Kim, its a trap-trap. :'''Shego''': Okay, moving on... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wade''': Just make sure you're not the one wearing- :'''Kim''': -a red shirt? :'''Commander''': And... you. You're expendable. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': ...And... we are... back. I'm Ron... and we are... talking to Dr. Drakken... who is.. :'''Drakken''': Here. ... to talk about.. this book! :'''Ron''': Your book? :'''Drakken''': Apparently. :'''Ron''': Ooh, great, what is it about? :'''Drakken''': Um... me. Its about me. :'''Ron''': Now you've been threatening to write a book for a while, can you tell me more? :'''Drakken''': Well, I... I rather like me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wade''': I'm gonna try and move you two into the same demension. Get ready. :'''Shego''': Agh, what fresh torment is this? :'''Wade''': Kim, did I match you up? :'''Kim''': Kind of... :'''Shego''': Not. :'''Kim''': There's been a cross over between Drakken's vortex inducer and the cable signal. :'''Shego''': Doy, I figured that out three channels ago! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': Ah! My pancreas! :'''Drakken''': Watch where you're going! ''[gasps]'' Its you! That.. that guy! :'''Ron''': Kim Possible's sidekick. :'''Drakken''': Um... uh... still not.. helping. :'''Ron''': Ron. Ron Stoppable. :'''Drakken''': Yes! That's exactly who you are, I- ''[music plays]'' what is that? :'''Ron''': The Fearless Ferret theme song. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Kim and Shego fight as Rufus watches helplessly. Kim's Kimmunicator drops next to Rufus]'' :'''Wade''': Rufus, where's Kim? :'''Rufus''': Shego! :'''Kim''': ''[still fighting]'' Go, Wade. I'm listening. :'''Wade''': I found Ron. I'll try to move you guys to the same dimension. :'''Shego''': Oh, great, dweeb to the rescue. :'''Kim''': What makes you think you're coming with? :'''Shego''': Because this is way too... moopy for me. :'''Kim''': Moopy? Oh, you were on Pals? I love that show! :'''Shego''': Figures. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Drakken''': My lair. I'm back! :''[Shego and Kim fall on top of Ron and Drakken]'' :'''Shego''': Well, well, the geek got us home. :''[Kim and Shego continue fighting]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Drakken''': Ah, quite right Shego! Time for us to escape and seal the pathways leaving Kim Possible and Company trapped forever! :'''Ron''': What- oh, man, come on, I'm not done with my soup! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Drakken''': That wasn't supposed to happen! I must have done something wrong. :'''Shego''': Yeah, seventh time's the charm. ''[giggles]'' Gah! Why am I talking like this? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shego''': Just not your day! Or dimension... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Man''': Well. Doth thou travel here with frequency young maid? :'''Shego''': Back off, barn boy! :'''Cast''': ''[grabbing pitchforks]'' A witch! :'''Shego''': A what? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': Where are we this time? :'''Shego''': I'm gonna say pro-wrestling. :'''Kim''': Mm. Good call. :'''Shego''': Could this be any easier? :'''Kim''': Uh, I don't think so. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Host''': We are ninety stories above a busy city street. Does that scare you? :'''Shego''': No. :'''Kim''': Not really. :'''Shego''': Should it? :'''Host''': Well yeah! Because we are talking about a bungee jump! ''[Kim and Shego look at each other]'' Aren't ya scared? :'''Kim''': No. :'''Shego''': Are you? :'''Host''': Why would I be- AHH! ''[Shego grabs him and jumps over the side of the building]'' :'''Shego''': Here we go, pretty boy! :'''Kim''': ''[exasperated]'' Shego! ''[jumps after them]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': Here they come! :'''Drakken''': Um, what comes where? :'''Shego''': ''[to Drakken]'' I blame you for this. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Drakken''': Come Shego, I've made some repairs to the compiler. Its time to leave this travesty! :'''Shego''': Um, that doesn't look very- :'''Drakken''': Stop being a panic Nancy! ''[grabs her wrist and goes through the vortex]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wade''': Everything's back to normal... mostly. :'''Kim''': So what happened to Drakken? :'''Wade''': Looks like he took a detour. :'''Toys''': Lalalalalalalalalala! :'''Shego''': This is so worse than moopy. :'''Toy''': Today's color is green! Do you see anything green? :'''Shego''': Yeah, I got your green, felt-face! :'''Drakken''': ''[nervously]'' Shego, you're going to anger Mr. Sit-down. :'''Shego''': What? Oh. ===''Overdue'' [3.7a]=== :'''Ron''': How many times is someone gonna feed me [[w:haggis|sheep's lungs cooked in its own stomach]], before they get that I don't like it?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shego''': Where's Possible? :'''Ron''': SHE'S NOT MY GIRLFRIEND! :'''Shego''': Whoa there, never said she was. :'''Ron''': Ooh... Heh-heh, awkward... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': ''[over her Kimmunicator]'' Hey, Wade. :'''Wade''': What's up, Kim? :'''Kim''': Have you heard from Ron? I haven't seen him all day. :''[On the "Wadebot" monitor, Ron is running from a giant mutant flower.]'' :'''Ron''': AH! AH! IT'S GOT ME! OH MAN, IT'S GOT ME...! :'''Wade''': Ron? Uh... haven't heard a peep. :'''Dementor''': ''[laughing]'' With my mutagenic plants, I shall grow a new world! A world that I control! :'''Ron''': OW! THORNS! OH, THEY HURT WHEN THEY'RE POKING! OW! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Monkey Fist''': Ron Stoppable... :'''Ron''': You're the only one who ever gets my name right; I respect that. ===''Roachie'' [3.7b]=== :'''Ron''': Sinking! Sinking! Oh man, now the tugging! Why is there tugging?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': You're gonna step on me? How ironic is that! ===''Rappin Drakken'' [3.8]=== :'''Shego''': ''[reading the label of Drakken's mind-control shampoo]'' "Lather, Rinse, Obey." Aren't you being a little too upfront here? :'''Dr. Drakken''': Truth in labeling laws, Shego. I'm a supervillain, not a corporate shyster. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': Wow, Drakken is self-foiling now! Spankin'! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Drakken''': You know, after a scheme goes south, nothing cheers me up like kareoke night! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Drakken''': Shego, that's it! Yes! Really, no this time, trust me! :'''Shego''': What? :'''Drakken''': And here I thought I was the evil genius! You're brilliant! :'''Shego''': What are you talking about? : '''Drakken''': Who needs M.C.-what's-her-name...? :'''Shego''': Oh, no... : '''Drakken''': I can make sure that my shampoo is most wanted! :'''Shego''': Oh, please no... : '''Drakken''': I will become... A HIP-HOP STAR! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shego''': I know I'm going to regret saying this, but you may have finally achieved "so dumb it just might work." <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': You can't spell inspiration without procrastination! :'''Kim''': Eh... Yes, you can. :'''Ron''': Not the "ation" part. Booyah! ===''Team Impossible'' [3.9]=== :'''Drakken''': You think you're all that, but ''they'' are! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dash DaMont''': I thought you were supposed to be some kind of Master of Monkey Kung Fu? :'''Ron''': You know, it's funny, it comes and goes... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dash DaMont''': ''[preparing to fight Kim]'' I wish there was some other way... :'''Ron''': Really? :'''Dash DaMont''': No, I'm told we should always say that, for legal reasons. ===''Gorilla Fist'' [3.10]=== :''[On a "gravy ghost" haunting the school cafeteria]'' :'''Wade''': I don't know what to tell you, Kim. After watching the cafeteria security tape, I can't explain what happened either. :'''Kim''': Did you analyze the gravy sample? :'''Wade''': Yup. :'''Monique''': And? :'''Wade''': You don't want to know. ''[pauses]'' Not till graduation. ''[pauses]'' From college. :'''Monique''': I say we trust him on the gravy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': ''[walking in]'' Nacos, plenty of Diablo sauce and some snackies... :'''Kim''': Sneaking Bueno Nacho into school? :'''Ron''': Hey, KP! No, just picked up some snacks for a, erm, er... field trip ''[looks around guiltily]'' :'''Kim''': Field trip? :''[Yori enters]'' :'''Yori''': Everything is ready, Stoppable-San. :'''Ron''': Yori! ''[nervously]'' Ha-ha, um Yori, this is Kim and Monique. :''[Kim and Monique look sceptically at him]'' :'''Yori''': Ah! Kim Possible! ''[She bows]'' I have heard much! :'''Kim''': Really? I haven't. ''[Glares at Ron]'' :'''Ron''': Oh... sure, KP... you know Yori from seventh period History? No, no she's an old pal from Camp Wannaweep... :''[Pause]'' :'''Ron''': We never met actually. What do you want? Who are you, stranger I do not know? :'''Kim''': But you just said her name is Yori. :'''Ron''': ''[nervously]'' Yori, well, it's a common name... ya know... in Japan... Well, I... I... I gotta go! Bye! :''[Pulls Yori off with him]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': Weird. :'''Monique''': Secret girlfriend weird? :'''Kim''': No! He'd tell me! I mean... why wouldn't he? :'''Monique''': 'Cause you'd go all jell. :'''Kim''': "Jell"? :'''Monique''': Green-eyed. :'''Kim''': So? I've always had green eyes. :'''Monique''': ''Jealous''. You're jelling! :'''Kim''': I am not jelling! :'''Monique''': Uh-huh. :'''Kim''': It's just that my weird-ar's going off, that's all. :'''Monique''': And you're jelling. :'''Kim''': So not! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yori''': According to the map, we should be very near. :'''Ron''': Oh, good. Then it will be my honor to collapse from exhaustion. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wade''': Does the name "Yamanouchi" mean anything to you? :'''Kim''': That school in Japan that Ron went to last year? :'''Wade''': Turns out it's a super-secret school... :'''Kim''': I ''knew'' he crushed on someone while he was there! :'''Wade''': That wasn't what I... :'''Kim''': What? You think I'm jelling? I'm ''not'' jelling! Why would I jell? :'''Wade''': Right... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': Ron! :'''Ron''': KP? What are you doing? :'''Kim''': Rescuing you. ''[to Yori]]'' Nice try. :'''Ron''': Whoa! Are you freaking over my friend Yori? :'''Kim''': I am ''not'' freaking! I am ''not'' jelling! :'''Ron & Yori''': Jelling? :'''Ron''': What's jelling? :'''Kim''': Never mind jelling! Your "friend", Yori, is working for Monkey Fist. :'''Ron''': No! She's just my... She... What was the last thing I told you? :'''Yori''': You may tell her. :'''Ron''': Really? You sure? :'''Kim''': She's sure. Spill. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yori''': Oh, Stoppable-san, you make danger comical with your American-style buffoonery. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': If she liked me, then why couldn't she just say so? I mean, she was being all ninja about it. :'''Kim''': ''[awkwardly]'' Well... you got me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': Thanks for the lift, Ricardo. :'''Ricardo''': ''De nada'', Senorita Possible! After all, you saved my chicken farm when you dried up that mudslide! :'''Kim''': No big. One of the reasons I carry a cordless hair dryer. ===''And the Molerat Will Be CGI'' [3.11]=== :'''Kim''': I love what you’re wearing. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Heather''': Girl, I totally know what you are saying. I had this man who would not leave me alone, he was practically stalking me. :'''Monique''': Get out! :'''Heather''': I won’t! If he hadn’t been my husband it would have been creepy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mr. Possible''': Honey, you know how I feel about "show people." :'''Mrs. Possible''': They're just like you and me. Except they're wealthy, beautiful and live by no recognizable moral code! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Director''': I'm on to the next big thing! :'''Kim''': What's that? :'''Director''': Monkey Ninjas in Space! :'''Kim''': Been there. :'''Ron''': Done that. ===''So the Drama'' [3.12-14]=== {{main|Kim Possible Movie: So the Drama}} ==Season 4== ===''Ill Suited'' [4.1]=== :''[Ron calls Kim at 3 a.m. after waking up from a nightmare]'' :'''Ron''': Are you a Syntho-Drone, KP? Be honest, I can take it! :'''Kim''': Ron! You had a nightmare! Goodnight. :'''Ron''': Wait! Before that part where you melted, we were at the dance and- :'''Kim''': We kissed. :'''Ron''': Yeah! Did you have the same dream? :'''Kim''': No. That part really happened, Ron. :'''Ron''': Heh, yeah. :'''Kim''': Yeah, but it won't happen again if you keep calling me in the middle of the night! ''[hangs up the phone]'' :'''Ron''': ''[lying back on his pillow with a big grin]'' Man, love is complicated. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dementor''': I am impressed, ''[[wikipedia:Fraulein|Fraulein]]'' Possible. How did you know I would be here? :'''Kim''': Uh, your "To Do" list helped. :'''Dementor''': Doh! I dropped that when I stole the ultrasonic drill, yes? :'''Kim''': Yeah, mm-hmm, you did. And thanks for making our job that much easier. :'''Ron''': ''[reading list]'' "Steal ultrasonic drill, break into top-secret lab, call Mother, conquer world..." :'''Dementor''': Ah, I knew I was forgetting something! Mama gets so cross when I don't jingle. :'''Kim''': You can call her from prison. :'''Dementor''': Or, we can add one more item to my list: ''ELIMINATE KIM POSSIBLE!'' :''[Kim erects the dome-shaped, light blue shield around her and Ron]'' :'''Ron''': Nice bubble, K.P. <hr width80%> :'''Kim''': Just getting started. :'''Dementor''': Hold on! Time out! You have a battle-suit!? When did you this suit with the power? :'''Ron''': It's relatively new. :'''Kim''': And indestructible. So if you wanna just give up now...? <hr width80%> :'''Dementor''': Ha! You help your so-called boyfriend while I help myself to ''escape!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bonnie''': But you're a cheerleader! A ''senior'' cheerleader! You know what that ''means''? :'''Ron''': New uniforms? :'''Bonnie''': Well, yes, and they're ''so'' cute, ''[pushes Ron out of the way]'' but it ''also'' means you must date a jock. It's- it's non optional! It's like a rule! :'''Kim''': Ron's the exception to the rule. :'''Bonnie''': He's the ''reason'' for the rule! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': Cute trap, Professor. :'''Dementor''': Why, thank you, yes, I rather like it. It's the details that really sell it, don't you think? I PICKED OUT THE CURTAINS MYSELF! :'''Ron''': Dude, you're totally wearing a dress. :'''Dementor''': It's a house coat! :'''Ron''': Yeah, uh-huh- DRESS! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': I have been foiled by a man in a dress? :'''Dementor''': IT'S A HOUSE COAT! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': [[Fight Club (film)|The first rule of chess club is: you do ''not'' talk about chess club.]] <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': Wait, wait, it's not what you think! :'''Kim''': Oh, so you're ''not'' a cheater, a liar and a thief!? :'''Ron''': Okay, it is what you think. But Kim, I had to do it! I couldn't risk losing you! :'''Kim''': What are you talking about? You weren't going to ''lose'' me! :'''Ron''': Kim, I heard you talking to Monique. You agreed with Bonnie about dating jocks. You said that trading up was the only option. :'''Kim''': What!? Uh, Ron, I was talking about Monique's cellphone. :'''Ron''': Oh! She's got that new one like Bonnie's. That's a nice phone. :'''Kim''': Uh-huh! :'''Ron''': So you weren't gonna...? :'''Kim''': Trade up my BF? Ron, I don't care about dating a jock. I care about dating you, Ron Stoppable, no matter who he is – as long as he's honest. :'''Ron''': ''[uncontrollably grabs Kim and starts swinging her around]'' I'm sorry, Kim. I never meant to hurt you :'''Dementor''': Not yet! ''[pushes the lever, causing Ron to throw Kim into the soda machine]'' :'''Ron''': No, no! It's not me! It's your battlesuit! Oh, KP, our first fight! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bonnie''': Gee, Kim, is that your boyfriend out there running like a sick chicken? :'''Kim''': ''[proudly]'' Yeah, that's my guy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': You do me proud, Ron Stoppable, by just being you. :'''Ron''': Yeah. Who knew my mad running-away skills would have real-world applications? ===''The Big Job'' [4.2]=== :'''Kim''': Ron, this is ludicrous! :'''Ron''': I know! You'd think a swank joint like this could spring for a real box of crayons! Oh, and watch your vocab, Kim, "ludicrous" is kind of a grownup word. Remember, you're 12, so maybe "doofy" or "stupido"? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Monique''': If the stuff in that coupon book was worth anything, they wouldn't be giving it away. :'''Ron''': I won't dignify that with a response! :'''Monique''': Cause you don't have one. :'''Ron''': Well duh! Why else do you pull that line? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shego''': Not to seem ungrateful, Junior, but why *did* you break me out of prison? :'''Junior''': Well, my father's birthday is coming up and... :'''Shego''': Hold it right there, slick. I don't do cakes, okay? I don't bake 'em, ''and I don't jump out of 'em!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Junior''': There did not seem to be this many cars on the map. :'''Shego''': Jus-just stop the car! I'll get the book. :'''Junior''': But I thought we'd steal it perfectly together? :'''Shego''': Yes I'll steal it... perfectly, and you'll find a space... perfectly. :'''Junior''': Perfect! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Monique''': You know Ron, if you had a job, then you'd have- :'''Ron''': Impossible hours? :'''Monique''': No- :'''Ron''': Mean bosses? :'''Monique''': No! :'''Ron''': On the job injuries? :'''Monique''': NO! MONEY! You'd have mad money! :'''Ron''': ''[Pauses]'' Oh, that reminds me - Kim, can I borrow 5 bucks? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Martin Smarty''': I like to reward people who save my life. :'''Ron''': And I like to be rewarded... you hear that, KP? A reward! He-he-he! :'''Martin Smarty''': How about a job? :'''Ron''': Maybe we have different thoughts on that word "reward"... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Frugal Lucre''': ''[to Drakken]'' Oh! Oh! Or we could put state-of-the-art robotic technology in kiddie meals all over the world! Can you hear me okay through that pillow? ===''Trading Faces'' [4.3]=== :'''Jim & Tim''': ''[first lines in the season; dressed in radiation suits]'' You didn't open the dryer, did you? Our experiment... you ruined it! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tim''': ''[as Mrs. Possible goes to pick up the cheerleader outfit]'' I wouldn't do that. :'''Jim''': ''[holds up a pair of tongs]'' Not without these! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Jim & Tim''': Which way to homeroom? :'''Kim''': Homeroom? What do you mean, homeroom? :'''Tim''': That room you go to before you go to your other classes? :'''Jim''': You'd think a senior would know the basics? :''[Tim nods in agreement]'' :'''Ron''': Try middle school... about four miles... ''[Points to his left]'' ''That way''. :'''Jim''': We're not in middle school anymore. :'''Tim''': We've been skipped ahead! :'''Jim''': We're freshmen! :'''Tim''': We're ''here''! :''[outside, the whole school shakes as Kim...]'' :'''Kim''': ''NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': There is no way ''you two'' are freshmen! ''[breaks conversation to wave at someone]'' Hey Amanda, see you in science. ''[returns]'' It must be a mistake... and I'm going to get to the bottom of it! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tim''': Miss Guide is our ''S.K.I.P.'' Counselor! :'''Kim''': And ''S.K.I.P.'' is...? :'''Miss Guide''': "Superior Knowledge & Intelligence Placement." A pilot program. Your brothers tested at high school level, so they're being enrolled as freshmen. I will be observing the transition! :'''Kim''': So this is really happening? :'''Miss Guide''': ''[with an exaggerated smile]'' Exciting, isn't it? :'''Kim''': ''[through an exaggerated happy face]'' Oh, I can't begin to describe my feelings! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': I get showed up on every mission we go on, you don't hear me whining! :''[Kim and Monique give him a sideways glance]'' :'''Ron''': I could whine more... A lot more! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Barkin''': Listen up, cafeterians. In compliance with district guidelines, we have been ordered to divulge to you the contents of mystery meat. :''[film reel begins playing]'' :'''Film announcer''': Mystery Meat: from the slaughterhouse to your house... :''[scene cuts to all the students running out of the school screaming]'' :'''Ron''': I ''knew'' there were snouts! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Camille''': There are plenty of suspects: One, Star Lette: her last three movies tanked. Two, The Holston Twins: they fell to number 3 on the "World's Richest Kids" list. Three, M.C. Honey: things must be bad, I hear she flew commercial. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Jim''': Thanks for the ride, Mr. Sinclair. :'''Sinclair''': It's the least I could do after you tutored my Kenny in calculus. :'''Tim''': Derivates of inverse functions, so not the drama. :'''Kim''': Huh?! Can you ''not''? :'''Tim''': You can use "hicka bicka boo"! :'''Kim''': Why would I? :'''Jim''': So you could be cool. :'''Kim''': ''I am cool!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': ''[about Jim & Tim]'' They're old enough to be in high school but not old enough to stay home by themselves? :'''Mr. Possible''': Not without vaporizing the garage. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': I'm sorry you must be ''this'' ''[holds her hand high above their heads]'' tall to ride. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': ''[repeated line]'' Height limit. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tim/Jim''': And then when we were on a trip to Yosemite... :'''Kim''': ''[gasps]'' No... not the poison oak story! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Camille''': It's so hard to be me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': Oh, Ron. I'm not a model. :'''Ron''': Why not? You're beautiful. :''[Kim is left speechless, then looks at him and smiles]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': She's not in wardrobe. Hey look, I'm already here. :'''Kim''': Two Rons... but only one ''[calls out]'' Rufus! <hr width="50%"/> :'''M.C. Honey''': Say what? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Camille''': But I can't be seen buying socks! Eww! Socks are gross. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Britina''': Camille? :'''Camille''': Brit, I came as soon as I heard. :'''Britina''': But I called you three days ago. :'''Camille''': Silly, my callback list was epic this week. It's so hard to be me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Britina''': These are BFF's from way back, Kim Possible and... ''[turns to Ron]'' this guy, who's usually with her. :'''Camille''': Kim Possible! I wore your look once - for about five minutes. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Jim''' I'll be the bad cop. :'''Tim''' No way... I'm playing bad cop. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bofox''' ''[First lines]'' Are you me 3:30 tummy tuck? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Jim''': This guy's all talk. :'''Tim''': Radical techniques... as if. :'''Bofox''': Oh really... Nano-Morphing radical enough for you? :'''Jim & Tim''': Nano-Morphing? [[w:Shapeshifting|Shapeshifting]]! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': M.C. Honey? :'''Jim & Tim''': It's not M.C. Honey, Kim... it's Camille... she's a plastic surgery experiment. She's a shapeshifter! :''["Honey" shape-shifts into Camille. Kim and the whole audience gasp.]'' :'''Camille''': Oh, like ''you're'' a model! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': ''[attempting to stop Camille, disguised as him]'' I got me. :''[Ron fumbles into a clothing rack]'' :'''Ron''': You know, I'm surprisingly nimble for an heiress. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Camille''': ''[as she is being arrested]'' Do you know who I am? :'''Ron''': Lady, the real question is, do ''you'' know who you are? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Jim & Tim''': Hick-a-bick-a-boo? :'''Kim''': Hoo sha! :''[she hugs them]'' :'''Miss Guide''': ''[confused]'' How do you spell Hoo sha? ===''The Cupid Effect'' [4.4]=== :'''Wade''': Shouldn't I just be myself? :'''Ron''': No, that only works in cartoons. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wade''': Apparently impersonating a President is against mall regulations! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Junior''': We should steal the device and use it for our own evil ends! :'''Senior''': Junior, you came up with that evil plan all on your own! I am... so proud. :'''Junior''': ''[giggling]'' I was looking over your shoulder, he-he-he! :'''Senior''': Junior, that was cheating! I am... so proud. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Senior''': Your genius cannot beat my evil or my treachery. Oh, by the way, have you met my bodyguards, Evil and Treachery? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Wade reads a love note for Monique that Ron gave him]'' :'''Wade''': The humble earthworm is vital to agriculture, it moves through the soil by excreting lubricating mucus. :'''Kim and Monique''': Eww! :'''Ron''': Wait! That's my biology report! Oh no! That means... :''[Cut to Mr. Barkin grading Ron's "biology report"]'' :'''Barkin''': ''[sniffs]'' Aw, that's a beautiful thought. A-plus, Stoppable! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': Wade? What are you doing in France? :'''Wade''': Uh, I'm here to fix the internet? It's broken. :'''Monique''': Isn't the internet everywhere? :'''Ron''': Not when it breaks into pieces! <hr width="50%"/> :''[''Kim leaps onto the stage to stop Junior.'']'' :''''''Junior'''''': Oh, Kim Possible! :''''''Kim'''''': Hello, Junior. :''''''Junior'''''': Are you not falling in love with my beautiful voice and freshly funky moves? :''''''Kim'''''': Mmm, not so much. :''[''Unfortunately for Kim, Señor Senior sneaks up from behind her and unplugs her ears. Kim becomes affected by the cupid-ray and falls in love with Junior''] :'''Kim'''": (squeals and laughs) Junior! Will you be my valentine? :'''Junior''': I'm expecting a lot of offers this year, but I will think on it. :''[''Junior is singing and Kim is hugging him''] :'''Junior''': You must pay the door-- :'''Ron''': Give me back my girlfriend! :''[''Junior sees Ron disguised as a girl. He rips off his wig. Junior giggles''] :'''Ron''': Dude, what is so funny? :'''Junior''': (laughs) I thought you were a lady. :'''Ron''': Well, you are no gentleman. <hr width="50%/> :''[Seeing Wade's new girlfriend, Olivia, use a "Cupid Ray" on him.]'' :'''Ron''': Er, you don't think Kim's got one of those? :'''Rufus''': I dunno. :'''Kim''': ''[from behind]'': Hey, Ron. :''[Ron and Rufus scream and cower]'' :'''Kim''': What are you doing? :'''Ron''': Nothing! :'''Kim''': You're weird! :'''Ron''': Kim! :'''Kim''': Shh, ''[romantically]'' I like weird! ===''Car Alarm'' [4.5]=== :'''Kim''': Oh, no. I'm not gonna be the tweebs' taxi driver, I'll walk first. Bye-bye! :'''Mrs. Possible''': I'll give you five dollars! :'''Kim''': Not listening. :'''Mrs. Possible''': Ten! :'''Kim''': Walking away... :'''Mrs. Possible''': Twenty, firm! :'''Kim''': Tough love, mom, tough love! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Drakken''': ''[about Frugal Lucre]'' All the prisons in the world, and I got stuck with the blabber-mouth! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Drakken''': ''[after seeing Motor Ed]'' I knew I could count on family. Freedom is at hand! No more lockdown, no more prison food, and no more yakkity-blab from you, Lucre. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shego''': I got an early parole. Only here to say "hi." <hr width="50%"/> :'''Frugal Lucre''': Listen, if it's any consolation on the whole "counting on family" front, I'm still waiting for my mother to post ''my'' bail! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': Motor Ed and Shego? Why would they be working together? :'''Ron''': Well, I mean weirder things have happened. Just look at us! :'''Kim''': True, but there's a major diff between "weird" and "wrong on all levels." <hr width="50%"/> :'''Jim/Tim''': ''[to Kim]'' We can get your car running! :'''Ron''': Hmmm, ya know, they did build a spacecraft out of a lawn mower, a toaster, and well ya know, rocket parts, but still it worked, kind of! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': Boys. They're ALL tweebs! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Kim is walking, when Ron and the tweebs arrive in her car. She enters, with an annoyed face]'' :'''Kim''': No mocking the hair! :'''Ron''': Are you kidding? I know the basic boyfriend rules, Kim. Your new haircut is fabulous and those slacks are very flattering. :'''Kim''': Thanks for the sensitivity. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': Okay, here's the deal. I may have to drive you to school, but that doesn't mean I have to be seen with you. So duck, or walk. :'''Jim/Tim''': Aww... :'''Kim''': NOW! :''[Jim and Tim duck their heads. Kim starts the car, but sees the passenger seat empty.]'' :'''Kim''': Ron, not you! ''[Ron pops up.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Having been humiliated in front of Bonnie.]'' :'''Kim''': The only ride you're going to need will be to the hospital...! :'''Wade'''''': ''[interrupting her]'' Kim! :'''Jim''': Whew! Saved by the Wade. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': It's as fast as a rocket! :'''Tim''': Hicka-Bicka-''DUHH!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tim''': Nobody blows our doors off. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shego''': Great, Kimmy gets a car and she's everywhere... like bacteria. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': ''[attacked by crows... yet again]'' Not now, this is just so random! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Motor Ed''': Shotgun babe doesn't get to criticize the dude or his dice, seriously :'''Shego''': ''Shotgun Babe''? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Motor Ed reveals his "awesome" plan: a cross-country road trip in a hyper-sonic vehicle with "a hot babe."]'' :'''Shego''': Wait, you mean I'm here because I'm an ''ornament''?! :'''Motor Ed''': Not! The fuzzy dice are an ornament. You... are an ''accessory''. ===''Mad Dogs & Aliens'' [4.6]=== :'''Ron''': Shego has credit cards? :'''Wade''': And a surprisingly good credit score for a villain. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Jim & Tim''': Hicka Bicka bow wow! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Drakken''': You can't possibly be all that, Kim Possible! You're not, you're not, you're not! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Frugal Lucre''': So anyway, I was in line behind Big Tony, you know with the glandular problem, and he takes two puddings, two! And the guards didn't even bust him for it. I tell you, the money this prison wastes, its criminal! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shego''': There's no way I'm gonna let this she-thing just waltz in here and destroy Kimmy! That's MY job! Ya hear me? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shego''': I’m on vacation! And I’m trying to relax! ''[to masseur]'' Toss ’em another one. Go ahead. :'''Ron''': He-ey! He threw another rock at us! ''[pokes it]'' OW! A ''hot'' rock! He threw a hot rock at us! :'''Shego''': ''[as Kim battles masseur]'' This ''is'' relaxing. :'''Kim''': Vacation’s over, Shego. :'''Shego''': ''[standing up]'' That’ll be all, Midas. ''[to Kim]'' Do you know how hard it is to get an appointment with him? :'''Kim''': Maybe you should’ve thought of that before you sprung Drakken. :'''Shego''': Who do you think I’m vacationing ''from''? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shego''': ''[parting]'' OK, I’ve got a salt blow in five, so listen to my words. ''[throwing coals as punctuation]'' I’m not helping Drakken! And I don’t know who is! Me... ''va-ca-tion''. :'''Ron''': But – :'''Shego''': ''VACATION!'' ''[throws water onto coals, disappears in steam]'' :'''Random Old Guy''': Well, I’m convinced. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Motor Ed''': ''[after a VERY long description of his latest ride, followed by an air-guitar solo]'' Know what I'm saying? :'''Frugal Lucre''': NO! I have no idea what you're saying! You just go on and on and on and on about things no one even cares about! :'''Motor Ed''': Dude, you're harshing my prison mellow here, seriously. :'''Frugal Lucre''': And would you stop saying that word?! Seriously! ===''Grande Size Me'' [4.7]=== :''[Barkin berates the unhealthy-ness of Bueno Nacho]'' :'''Ron''': LIES! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': Whoop! Whoop! Over-reaction alert! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': It's your worst nightmare! :'''Barkin''': You mean the one with Abe Lincoln and the pool sharks? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Jack Hench''': That's the downside with working with villians, they are always stealing your stuff! Oh, that reminds me, has anyone seen my stapler? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': ''[out of breath]'' K... P! Okay... who wants a piece... of me? :'''Drakken''': Ooh, something is different about him... :'''Killigan''': Gawd, what have you done to yerself? You look ghastly, man! :'''Monkey Fist''': You really should take better care of yourself! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Drakken''': Kim Possible, you have something that doesn't belong to you. Well, technically, it doesn't belong to me either, but I'm a villain, so I don't particularly care! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ned''': Ron, this isn't like you! :''[Mutated Ron drinks a whole vat of nacho cheese.]'' :'''Ned''': OK, that's like you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': Wade, we have a major Ron problem, here! :'''Wade''': You mean the fact that he's been turned into a fifteen foot tall rampaging behemoth? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mutated Ron''': ''[On seeing a giant metal donut]'' Ahh, donut... Ron want! ''[bites it]'' Ow! Ow! Donut hurt Ron! Ron smash! ''[The metal donut detaches from the stand and rolls down a hill]'' Oh, no... donut run away... come back, donut! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mutated Ron''': ''[On seeing a giant clown statue]'' Ron hate clowns! :''[from behind it Kim shoots a roast chicken at him] :'''Mutated Ron''': Clown throw chicken? Ron smash! ===''Clothes Minded'' [4.8]=== :'''Kim''': Whatever you've stolen, give it back! :'''Shego''': We haven't stolen a darn thing. :'''Drakken''': ''[appears]'' I've stolen the darn thing, Shego! Let's go! <hr width80%> :'''Kim''': I stick with what works. :'''Shego''': Yeah. Season after season after season. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': Ow! Ow! The hot, steamy badness! <hr width="50%"/> :''[While Kim is fighting Shego, Drakken's machine works]'' :'''Kim''': It actually works! :'''Shego''': Hey I'm just as shocked as you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': You'll never get away with this, Drakken! :'''Drakken''': What?! Why?! What do you know? :'''Ron''': Oh... oh, nothing. It just seemed like the thing to say. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Drakken''': ''[standing by the door, raising a baseball bat to strike; through a clenched jaw]'' Where is that Kim Possible?! My arms and jaw are killing me! :'''Shego''': Don't you hate it when heroes show up late? It's just so rude. :'''Ron''': I told you! I came alone. KP doesn't know I'm here. :'''Drakken''': You know what, I'm beginning to think he came alone and that Kim Possible doesn't know he's here. :'''Ron''': Yeah, okay, never went to college, did he? :'''Shego''': Reject! :'''Drakken''': Dropout, Shego! For the last time, they let me in, I just... ''[grunts]'' Without Kim possible, there's no one to stop me from launching my greatest invention. :'''Shego''': We know, the intercontinental dooey-ma-jigy. :'''Drakken''': Intercontinental electro-magnetiziser, Shego! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Drakken''': You think your new mission clothes are all that, but they're not! ===''Big Bother'' [4.9]=== :'''Kim''': What's the sitch, Wade? :'''Wade''': Got a hit on the site from the Yamanouchi School in Japan. :'''Ron''': Yamanouchi... Yori? :'''Wade''': Yeah, she said she needs Stoppable-san right away! :'''Ron''': ''[seeing Kim's expression]'' Wade, you'd better fill in some blanks, pronto! :'''Wade''': ...To help her! Both of you! Including Kim! Who she asked about... fondly! :'''Ron''': ''[whistles]'' Nice save. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Barkin''': ''[sees Ron at his front door]'' Stoppable, how many times do I have to say it? Home time is my time. Doubly so at BATH TIME! <hr width="50%"/> :''[repeated line]'' :'''Mr. Barkin/Monkey Fist''': I don't know what that means. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': Nobody spits up in my backpack except Rufus...! And sometimes me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Monkey Fist''': What kind of hero brings a baby on a mission? :'''Ron''': A baby, ''and'' a bag of flour! :'''Monkey Fist''': Ah, yes. That explains everything. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Ron turns in his assignment for Health Class, returning his "Flour Baby" after replacing it thirty-plus times.]'' :'''Barkin''': F-minus. :'''Ron''': What?! But... but she's in perfect shape! :'''Barkin''': She's ''sugar''! :''[The entire class laughs.]'' ===''Fashion Victim'' [4.10]=== :'''Ron''': Well, I wasn't the one talking into a chicken... ya know, this time. ===''Odds Man In'' [4.11]=== :'''Drakken''': ''[referring to the cupacke company's name ]'' HANK'S?!?! :'''Hank Perkins''': Yes, we focus-tested "Dr. D's", but everyone associated it with [[Kim Possible#Rappin' Drakken|shampoo for some reason]]. :'''Drakken''': Hmm... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': So... uh... KP, I was wondering... what are you doing Saturday night? Woe! :'''Kim''': I'm guessing Bueno Nacho, movie, 3 hours of you trying to win a stuffed frog from the claw machine at the Middleton Mall. DROP! ''[drops from the vine into the driver's seat in the jeep]'' :'''Ron''': Wait are you saying... ''[drops from the vine and lands in the seat next to Kim in the jeep]''... that our night has hit a- :'''Kim''': ''[as she drives over a rut]'' It could use some shaking up. RUN! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': I'm telling you, Kim. Actuarilly speaking, you should've been toast in tenth grade. :'''Kim''': Yet, here I am. :'''Ron''': Oh, would you mind moving over a lane? We're 8 percent less likely to get into a bone-mangling accident. :'''Kim''': And you are fifty percent more likely not to tick off your girlfriend, if you are hundred percent less annoying. :'''Ron''': Well, that doesn't make any sense. Where did you get your numbers? ''[Kim grunts]'' Look, KP. I just wanna keep you safe. Because if you got hurt... It's too big a loss to compute. :'''Kim''': ''[so happy she's close to tears]'' That's the most weirdly romantic thing you've ever said to me! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mr. Stoppable''': Ronald? I should have told you what you learn when you spend your whole life calculating hazards. :'''Ron''': What? :'''Mr. Stoppable''': Some things are worth the risk. ===''Stop Team Go'' [4.12]=== :'''Mr. Possible''': Jim, Tim, scoot over and make some room for your sister's arch foe. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shego''': Mmmmmm! That's good cocoa-moo! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Electronique''': How did the four of you ever manage to get anything done? :'''Hego/Mego/Wego''': Shego. :'''Hego''': She had a way of keeping things focused. When she left, the team sort of... fell apart. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hego''': ''[notices Ron was hit by personality reverser]'' What happened to him? :'''Shego''': I think he's evil now. :'''Hego''': Oh. How bad can that be? :'''Shego''': [[Kim Possible#Bad Boy|You'd be... surprised.]] <hr width="50%"/> :'''Evil Ron''': ''[to Electronique]'' You're going about this all wrong; You're acting like an evil poser! :'''Electronique''': You want to see my power?! :''[charges up and fires multiple times. Ron avoids beams and steals personality reverser]'' :'''Evil Ron''': Ooooohhh, someone's a little touchy! You couldn't even figure out that the first person you should have used this on... ''[aims personality reverser]'' ...was Kim Possible! ===''Cap'n Drakken'' [4.13]=== :'''Kim''': Are you going to complain the entire time, Bonnie? :'''Bonnie''': Somebody has to! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Franklin Barkin''': Dost thou take me for a cock's comb, lad? :'''Ron''': Uh, I'm... not... sure? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': Oooh no, I'm not gonna be caught wearing a dress... you know, again. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Franklin Barkin''': I wear many hats... some of which are bonnets... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Drakken''': You think you're all that lass, but nay, 'tis not so! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Drakken''': To the escape craft! ''[pirate voice]'' And save my booty! :'''Shego''': If I had a doubloon for every time I've done that... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Franklin Barkin''': ''[to Monique and Bonnie]'' All hands aboard! :'''Bonnie''': He's not talking to us is he? :''[cut to Bonnie and Monique on the deck of Barkin's ship]'' :'''Monique''': Yeah, I think he was talking to us. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Kim, her friends, Franklin Barkin and Bonnie defeat Drakken]'' :'''Kim''': I sense a change in the wind. :'''Franklin Barkin''': Booyah! ''[everyone looks at him weird]'' Ye know what I mean. ===''Mathter and Fervent'' [4.14]=== :''[Ron has to find a "hero" to write about, and has to rule out Kim, or her parents.]'' :'''Kim''': You know, I'm not the only one of us with parents. :'''Ron''': Mom swore off school projects after the paper-machete incident. :'''Kim''': Don't you mean, "paper mache"? :'''Ron''': I wish I did, Kim. I wish I did. <hr width="50%"/> :''[In the Go Tower, Hego receives an emergency call from the Mayor.]'' :'''Mayor''': ''[lisping]'' Lookth like we've got uth a sithuation, Hego! Your old numerical nemethith ith thcaring the thpit out of the thitithens of Go Thity! :'''Hego''': You don't mean...? :'''Mayor''': Yeth, Hego... the Mathter! :'''Ron''': The Mathter? :'''Kim''': Ron, don't make fun! He means "The Master." :'''Hego''': No, he means "The Mathter." :'''Mayor''': That's what I thaid, ithn't it? The Mathter! <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Mathter''': Time to subtract you from this equation. <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Mathter''': Let me ''throw'' some numbers at you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wade''': Uh-oh! :'''Ron''': "Uh-oh" good or "uh-oh" bad? :'''Kim''': When is "uh-oh" ever good? :'''Ron''': I don't know, maybe THIS TIME? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Ron has to go to school inside an "anti-matter" ball.]'' :'''Ron''': Oh, yeah! This is how I roll! :'''Kim''': Um, okay, maybe the whole trying-to-act-cool thing isn't your best option right now. :'''Ron''': Look, KP, you wanted me to make the best of things, didn't you? :''[They both freeze when they catch sight of Bonnie. She walks up to them.]'' :'''Bonnie''': ...No. It's too easy. <hr width="50%"/> :''[after spending a day at school as "Anti-Matter Boy"]'' :'''Ron''': Most Humiliating Day of my Life? A-ding-ding-ding! We have a new winner! :'''Kim''': What about the time you parachuted into the U.N. without your pants? :'''Ron''': Not even close. The "I'm all about comfort" excuse brought the Security Council dress code into the 21st century. :'''Kim''': See? There's an upside to everything. ''[Her Kimmunicator beeps]'' We need an upside, Wade! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': Time to crunch your numbers. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': ''[to the Mathter]'' Okay, one more lame-o math reference, and I am going to LOSE IT! <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Mathter''': And what kind of hero are you? :'''Mr. Stoppable''': I'm no hero. I'm Actuary of the Year. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': ''[seeing the math fight between Mr. Stoppable and The Mathter]'' Okay, did you have any idea your father had it in him? :'''Ron''': No, but who knew we'd be fighting a crazed math villain? :'''Kim''': Yep, so convenient. <hr width="50%"/> :''[watching the battle between the Mathter and Mr. Stoppable]'' :'''Ron''': See? They should totally teach this way in Trig! :'''Kim''': Totally. <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Mathter''': ''[defeated by Mr. Stoppable]'' How were you ever able to calculate my every move? :'''Mr. Stoppable''': It was easy. I did the math. <hr width="50%"/> :''[When he is freed from the anti-matter ball, Ron and Kim hug.]'' :'''Ron''': Oh yeah, that's nice. :'''Kim''': I was starting to think I was never going to do that again. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Last lines]'' :'''Mr. Barkin''': Interesting report you turned in there, Stoppable. Your dad, a.k.a "Hero", is a member of the Middleton Search and Rescue? :'''Ron''': Yep. :'''Mr Barkin''': He also volunteers at the local fire department! :'''Ron''': Affirmative. :'''Mr Barkin''': And while in the confines of a certain "infinity dome" he can convert pure mathematical thought into blasts of energy that ''fire out of his skull?!'' :'''Ron''': ''[Nervously]'' Yeah, it's an actuary thing. :'''Mr. Barkin''': I see... YOUR DAD ROCKS! A+! ===''Mentor of our Disconter'' [4.15]=== :'''Artie Smarty''': ''[first lines]'' What up, Punk Breath? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': Artie my main man, well I'm Ron. :'''Artie Smarty''': ''[childishly imitating him]'' I'm Ron. :'''Ron''': Er, yeah, that's what I said. :'''Artie Smarty''': ''[Now spitefully]'' Er, yeah, that's what I said. :'''Ron & Artie''': ''[in stereo]'' Hey, stop that. :'''Ron & Artie''': ''[in stereo]'' Stop saying what I'm saying. :'''Ron''': KP! He can't...''[Artie takes off]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Artie Smarty''': ''[on seeing Rufus]'' Hey, little naked dude. ''[waves to him]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Artie Smarty''': Too bad... So sad. ''[pretends to cry]'' Wah... Wah... Wah. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Artie Smarty''': ''[Overjoyed on seeing baby Otters]'' OTTERS! :''[goes to hug them but contains himself]'' :'''Artie Smarty''': Er... cool. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': I'm not cut out to help people make life choices. :'''Kim''': Oh, I wouldn't be so sure. After all, you helped me choose you! :'''Ron''': Okay, that time I was a genius. :'''Rufus''': Yuck! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Martin Smarty''': Oh, look at him. He's more rebel than boy, now. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shego''': So, Frugal Lucre really bugs you? :'''Drakken''': To the max! Now hide! ''[whispering]'' Maybe if we stay hidden he will leave... :'''Lucre''': ''[whispering]'' Who will leave? :'''Drakken''': Frugal- WAAH! How did you get here?! ''[looks at Shego]'' :'''Shego''': Meh, figured I'd let him in. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': Hermit crabs! They're just hard-shelled ungratefulness! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shego''': ''[to Frugal Lucre]'' You know what else he likes? Questions. :'''Frugal Lucre''': Oh, I've got lots of those! :'''Shego''': And he likes getting tapped on the shoulder... er, and you know how he likes getting blown on to get his attention? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Last Lines]'' :'''Shego''': So tell me again, how much are you worth? :'''Martin Smarty''': Billions! :'''Shego''': That's a mad grip. I could get used to this. How much real estate? :'''Martin Smarty''': Including tropical islands? :'''Shego''': I am so retired right now. :''[Artie enters.]'' :'''Artie Smarty''': Hi, Dad. Hi, New Mom. :'''Shego''': ''[gets up]'' I am ''so'' out of here. ===''Oh No! Yono!'' [4.16]=== :'''Hana Stoppable''': ''[Repeated words]'' '''Page'''/'''Brother''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': I see, yes, yes, interesting. Well, if I had known I was supposed to be teaching her ninja skills, I would have, like, oh I don't know, TAUGHT HER SOME NINJA SKILLS! AAGGHH! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Monkey Fist''': ''[to monkey with camera]'' Oh, that last mission was a failure! I told you scrapbooking the incident wouldn't make me feel better! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yono the Destroyer''': I AM YONO! :'''Monkey Fist''': The Destroyer? Really? :'''Yono''': ''[crosses his arms]'' Word. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Monkey Fist''': So, you claim to be the great Destroyer? :'''Yono''': What part of "YONO THE DESTROYER!" confuses you? :'''Monkey Fist''': The short part. ''[gestures for his monkey ninjas to attack]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[after Yono defeats his ninjas, Monkey Fist confronts him]'' :'''Monkey Fist''': Ah, ah, ah! This time, without the cheap light show. :'''Yono''': So it shall be. No flash... just crash! ===''Clean Slate'' [4.17]=== :'''Shego''': So, Kimmy's forgotten ''everything''? Like, how to fight crime? ''[grins evilly]'' I'd say it's a good day. :'''Drakken''': So long, Kim Possible! You used to think you were all that, but you don't remember the 'all that-ness' that you used to think... that you were then... but not now... :'''Shego''': ...Y-yeah, just stop. ''[drags Drakken away]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': Morning Mr. Dr. P, Mrs. Dr. P. So any progress? :'''Mrs. Possible''': Good news! Most of Kim's basic memory has been restored. :'''Mr. Possible''': But there was a little mix up with the dish washer and bathtub this morning. :'''Mrs. Possible''': Worked out fine. Kimmy and the dishes all got clean. :'''Ron''': Uh... but what about- :'''Mr. Possible''': Don't worry. The forks and knives were in the face-down position. :'''Kim''': Hi Rob! :'''Ron''': Ron. :'''Kim''': Ugh! Right! Right! ''[Hits herself on the head]'' :'''Ron''': It's O.K., it's O.K. It'll come back. So you know who I am? :'''Kim''': Of course I do. You're my best friend. :'''Ron''': ''[happy and relieved]'' Yes! O.K. we are back on track. Ugh, talk about a relief. :'''Mrs. Possible''': Oh Ron, one thing- :'''Ron''': ''[pushing Kim towards his motor bike]'' No, not to worry, I'll have KP back in time for dinner. After school, I'll give her a refresher around Middleton. It'll be like a second first date. ''[nudges Kim]'' :'''Kim''': Are you hitting on me? :'''Ron''': Uh, Kim, we are dating. I'm your boyfriend. We do everything together. :'''Kim''': You? Boyfriend? ''[snickers, then]'' Oh... wait you're serious? :'''Ron''': Oh-ho, that wasn't painful at all. ''[snaps his fingers and Rufus gives Ron the bouquet of flowers Ron bought for Kim]'' Serious, see no see what I just did there ''[presents Kim with the flowers]'' It's boyfriend stuff. So, do you remember now? :'''Kim''': No, but thanks for the salad. ''[ thinking the bouquet is a salad, Kim eats it]'' :'''Ron''': But, no. See those... huh. O.K. well, technically it's in the salad family. ''[sighs disappointingly]'' Come on. :'''Kim''': Bye Mom, bye Dad. Rockets are Go! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': Good plan, but that's not why I gave you the belt. ''[Gasps, remembers all the times Ron lost his pants]'' :'''Kim''': I remember, I remember! I gave you the belt for our half-i-versary. :'''Ron''': Yeah, I still don't get what exactly that is. :'''Kim''': Ron, I remember that you're my boyfriend and that I think I love you. :'''Ron''': For real? :'''Kim''': For real. ''[she hugs him]'' :'''Ron''': Now, THIS is a memory. :''[Rufus fawns happily over them]'' ===''Homecoming Upset'' [4.18]=== :'''Monique''': Back off, Bonnie! In case you didn't notice, now ''Kim'' is the one dating the star of the football team. :'''Kim''': That's not important to me, Monique... although Ron has broken more school records than Brick ever did. :'''Bonnie''': ''[sulking]'' Brick... if he had just flunked senior year one more time, he'd be here to rule at my side. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Kim catches Bonnie kissing Ron.]'' :'''Kim''': WHAT-IS-THE-SITCH?! :'''Ron''': Hey, I was the kissee here, not the kisser! :'''Kim''': No kidding! It took you twelve stinkin' years to kiss me! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bonnie''': ''[crying and wailing]'' :'''Ron''': Um, I don't speak hysteric. :'''Bonnie''': ''[continues crying and wailing]'' :'''Kim''': Brick broke up with you? :'''Ron''': How do you know what she's saying? :'''Kim''': It's a girl thing. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bonnie''': I don't do pathetic! :'''Ron''': ''[under his breath]'' Well, you could have fooled me... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': Uh, Bonnie? This is the part of sneaking in that we like to call "quiet time." ===''Chasing Rufus'' [4.19a]=== :''[after opening the pet carrier and finding Debutante instead of Rufus]'' :'''Ron''': Oh, this is bad. :'''Kim''': Not entirely. I think Camille will be much easier to track down now. :'''Ron''': How can you tell? :''[In the distance, Camille shrieks at finding Rufus in her pet carrier]'' :'''Ron''': Ten miles away? :'''Kim''': Twelve, tops. ===''Nursery Crimes'' [4.19b]=== :'''Kim''': Hurry Ron, "baby" and "missing" are a bad combination. :'''Ron''': Right with ya, KP. :'''Kim''': Wade, need a DNA scan of the baby’s hair… then an ultraviolet sweep of the nursery. Ron? :'''Ron''': Look, I spelled Rufus. :'''Mother''': Kim Possible, thank goodness you’re here. :'''Kim''': We came as soon as we heard your baby was… right there in your arms? :'''Father''': It’s not our baby that’s missing. :'''Mother''': No, it’s her… her… :'''Father''': Paccie. :'''Kim''': You called us for a missing pacifier? :'''Ron''': Can’t you just buy a new one? :'''Kim''': What up, Wade? :'''Wade''': Something seriously weird. :'''Kim''': Let me guess, a worldwide wave of stolen pacifiers? :'''Wade''': Yeah! How did you know? :'''Kim''': Just a hunch. :'''Mother''': Whoever did this…? I said whoever did this left a note. :'''Ron: O-oh look, ransom is spelled out “little booties”. O-oh, that’s adorable, and- ''[sneezes]'' Dusty. :'''Kim''': Not dust, baby powder. :'''Wade''': Scan complete, Kim, and we’re looking at rare baby talc, manufactured in the tiny English village of Sheershimsheer. Well, it used to be. :'''Kim''': Not anymore? :'''Wade''': The baby powder factory has been closed for years. :'''Ron''': Uh, sounds dead-endish. :'''Wade''': Maybe not, look at this. Sheershimsheer is also the home of a nanny-training academy. Oh wait, also closed. :'''Ron''': That’s double dead-endish. :'''Rufus''': Yeah. :'''Kim''': It’s the only lead we got, better check it out. <hr width="50%"/> :''[at the factory]'' :'''Ron''': Okay, the creepy factor’s in serious over "freak" here. :'''Rufus''': O-o-o-oh. :'''Kim''': It’s just an old house, it’s not haunted. :'''Ron''': AAH! It’s a zombie! :'''Old Lady''': May I help you? :'''Kim''': ''[To Ron]'' Not a Zombie… ''[To Old Lady]'' Hi, we’re looking for Nanny Maim. :'''Old Lady''': I am she. :'''Kim''': I’m Kim Possible, and this is Ron Stoppable. :'''Ron''': Hey. :'''Nanny Maim''': Hay is for horses, young man, and do stand up straight. Your posture is atrocious. :'''Ron''': Yes, Ma’am. :'''Kim''': We were hoping to find out about your nanny academy. :'''Nanny Maim''': Deary, there hasn’t been an academy here for years. No one needs nannies anymore. At least, not nannies who know how to handle unruly children. :'''Kim''': It’s just that we have some questions about the baby powder that used to be manufactured here. :'''Nanny Maim''': Ohh, perhaps I can help you with that. :'''Kim''': Really? :'''Nanny Maim''': Yes. I would suggest you take your questions and… go elsewhere. :'''Kim and Ron''': Huh? :'''Kim''': Let’s see if the other locals are friendlier. :'''Ron''': Uh, I’d settle for "not as bone chillingly eerie." <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bartender''': Welcome to the Cow and Cone. ‘Ave a pint. Would it be a ‘and scoop or soft-served? :'''Ron''': Well, uh I’m a scoop guy myself, pistachio please. :'''Rufus''': Me, too. :'''Bartender''': And ‘ow about you miss, what would you like? :'''Kim''': Information. :'''Bartender''': Certainly, ‘appy to ‘elp. :'''Kim''': It’s about the nanny academy. :'''Bartender''': Well it was an academy. Lovely old place it was. :'''Kim''': What happened? :'''Bartender''': ''[sighs]'' Times miss, same as the rest of Sheershimsheer. First the baby powder plant closed, then people stopped hirin’ nannies. :'''Ron''': And that’s when they went into the zombie business, right? :'''Rufus''': O-o-oh. :'''Bartender''': What’s he on about? :'''Kim''': What about the old woman we spoke to there? :'''Bartender''': You spoke to… uh, Nanny Maim? Oh, ah... you needn’t worry a tick about her. She’s a lovely woman, that one. Salt of the earth. :'''Woman''': A heart of gold, she has. :'''Man''': They don’t make ‘em like her anymore. :'''Ron''': Why would they want to? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': What are they looking for? :'''Bartender''': Not babies miss, never babies. We like babies ‘round ‘ere, we do, heh heh... That’s right. :'''Woman''': Oh yes, we like babies just fine. But not snoopers like you. :'''Bartender''': Per’aps your order should be for take-away. :''[outside the parlor]'' :'''Kim''': Things are way weird here. :'''Ron''': Yeah, pistachio is s’pose to be green. :'''Kim''': We need to take another look at that academy. :'''Ron''': Ok, but walk slow, ‘cause... ''[munches]'' once you get past the purple, this is good pistachio. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': Ron, infiltrating, no crunch zone. :'''Ron''': Right. ''[munches]'' Whoa, there’s chocolate at the bottom, heh-heh... :'''Kim''': ''[sighs]'' Wade, what have you got? :'''Wade''': Nothing I can put my finger on. Infrared shows something in there is using a lot of power, but I have no idea what. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': Kim, don’t look. This is possibly the sickest thing I’ve ever seen. :'''Kim''': Sicker then the time you put Diablo sauce on pancakes? :'''Ron''': MUCH! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': Ohh, captured by babies. This is a new personal low. :'''Ron''': You gotta admit they were cute... until they kicked our butts. :''[one of the babies blows a raspberry at them]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Nanny Maim''': Apparently, during your last visit, I did not make myself clear. :'''Kim''': Oh, it’s very clear. You’re creating an army of super babies, and using them to steal pacifiers. :'''Ron''': Ok, now see I was thinking that but when you said it out loud, I-it sounded silly. :'''Kim''': I know. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Nanny Maim''': ''[tsking]'' So very naughty, trying to muck up Nanny Maim’s plans like this. ''[sips tea]'' Hmmmm, what to do? :'''Kim''': You could tell us what this is all about. That’s sort of traditional in situations like this. :'''Nanny Maim''': Well deary, back in the day I trained the sternest nannies the world has ever seen, but times changed. A stern nanny was no longer the fashion. Fewer and fewer of my graduates were hired. Finally, nanny had to close her lovely academy for good. :'''Kim''': So, this is about revenge? :'''Nanny Maim''': Do not interrupt, that is quite rude. Nanny Maim realized you could make more money making children unhappy, then she could making them happy. :'''Ron''': Hey, what’s more traditional than greed? :'''Kim''': And the, um, hench-babies? :'''Nanny Maim''': These little dears? They show just what traditional Nanning and firm discipline can accomplish. Also, feeding full-size henchmen gets a bit pricey. :'''Ron''': Cheap, that’s traditional too. :'''Kim''': The good guys getting free while the bad guy explains the plan… also traditional. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': Ron Stoppable is more than a match for any baby! I got a little sis myself, so bring it on...! Waaaaa, blah no, I meant one at a time! AHHHH...! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': Oh, glad that’s over. :'''Kim''': Um, it’s not quite over. How many times did you go through that machine? :'''Ron''': Well I lost count, why?[Wearing a diaper] Oh, you know I find the giant diaper a delightful change of pace. ===''Larry's Birthday'' [4.20]=== ===''Graduation, Part 1'' [4.21]=== :'''Kim''': Okay, future. I'm ready for anything you can throw at me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': After graduation you're – you're heading to the stars, and, um... :'''Kim''': Ron... what? :'''Ron''': I'm stuck on Earth, but I don't want to hold you back, so whatever happens... I'm okay with it... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': So, payback's the stitch. ===''Graduation, Part 2'' [4.22]=== :''[Ron is shocked to see Warhok holding an unconscious Kim]'' :'''Sensei''': Summon the Mystical Monkey Power. :'''Ron''': Sensei? :'''Warhok''': ''[holding an unconscious Kim]'' Come Warmonga, we will take this one as a trophy. She will look handsome beside your Thorgoggle spine. :'''Sensei''': ''[appearing behind Ron]'' You are the Monkey Master. :'''Ron''': I am? :'''Sensei''': Hm. This is your destiny. You are ready. :'''Ron''': I ''am''! Hey Warhok! :''[Ron attacks Warhok using his Mystical Monkey Powers. Warhok is no match for him]'' :'''Sensei''': His Monkey Power is strong. Boo ya! :''[While a shocked Kim and Shego watch, Ron beats up Warhok and Warmonga, even levitating at one point before finally throwing them into the air]'' :'''Warmonga''': Frackel! :''[Warmonga and Warhok crash into their ship which explodes, killing them. Ron lands in front of a completely speechless Kim and powers down before hugging her. Drakken arrives and looks around confused]'' :'''Drakken''': Huh? What happened? What did I miss. :'''Shego''': I don't know but I think the sidekick just stepped up... monkey style! :'''Drakken''': Monkey style? What's that? :'''Shego''': You had to be here. <hr width="80%"/> :''[Shego and Warmonga charge each other]'' :'''Warmonga''': For Lorwardia! :'''Shego''': Forget it! :''[Shego cuts Warmonga's speeder in half with her powers, sending her down into the vines where she gets tangled]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Ron is having a hard time flying due to having Drakken on his back]'' :'''Ron''': The piggyback thing really drags down my coolness. :'''Drakken''': Well, pardon me. Not all of us have the power of flight. :'''Ron''': Oh, complain, complain. You know, when life gives you lemons... :'''Drakken''': I COMPLAIN ABOUT THE LEMONS! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': Dude, you okay? :'''Shego''': Dr. D...? :'''Drakken''': meh... uh... My mind... it's racing... it's uncanny... I see every detail... :'''Kim''': Of what? :'''Drakken''': My greatest plan ever! :'''Ron''': To save the world? :''[Pauses]'' :'''Drakken''': Do ''not'' make me say those words! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Drakken believes Kim has been vaporized]'' :'''Drakken''': You... were a worthy foe. You were indeed "all that." Farewell... Kim Possible! :''[Kim appears behind him, tying her graduation sash around her waist]'' :'''Kim''': Hello, Drakken! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shego''': Okay, Where's Miss Priss? :''[Ron and Mr. Possible point at the sky.]'' :'''Shego''': Great I was banking on Kimmy to do her save the world thing. :'''Ron''': Where's Drakken? :'''Shego''': ''[points to sky, in depressed voice]'' See previous. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Approaching the Lowardian mothership]'' :'''Shego''': All right, we need to figure a way in :'''Ron''': Easy, Look for the garbage hatch :'''Shego''': ''[sarcastic]'' Oh yeah, I'm sure they have a garba- ''[sees garbage hatch]'' en! :'''Ron''': And the first Boo-yah in space, BOO-YAH! :'''Shego''': ''[About to fly through the garbage]'' Hold on ''[Ron grabs her]'' Not to me! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Warmonga''': She is the Blue Imposter's Battle-Mate. :'''Shego''': Whoa, whoa, whoa! The two teens are a "thing", but there is nothing going on between me and Doctor D.! :'''Kim''': Nothing? :'''Shego''': NOTHING! :'''Warmonga''': then why were you so threatened by my arrival? :'''Shego''': Well, I don't know, could it be because you're nine feet tall? :'''Warhok''': Denial. It's more than just a river on the planet which we now control. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ron''': ''[Talking to Kim]'' This whole thing has shown me that I- I can't live without you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kim''': I told you Graduation wasn't the end of the world... :''[Kim & Ron kiss passionately as the car flies off to the moon]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Last lines of the series]'' :'''Dementor''': You must admit, that it is exquisitely amusing. :'''Drakken''': Okay, Dementor, I'd really rather not talk about it! :'''Dementor''': But the irony! As a mad scientist you have been a total failure your entire career... :'''Drakken''': New topic, please! :'''Dementor''': Okay, okay. Why the blue skin? :'''Drakken''': Glad you asked! Funny story - not funny "ha-ha." But! It was a Tuesday... ==Films== * ''[[Kim Possible: A Sitch in Time]]'' (2003) * ''[[Kim Possible Movie: So the Drama]]'' (2005) ==External links== * {{imdb title|tt0278866|Kim Possible}} {{wikipedia}} [[Category:2000s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:2000s American high school TV shows]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:Ended shows]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Disney Channel shows]] [[Category:Toon Disney shows]] [[Category:Teen animated TV shows]] [[Category:Television series by Disney Television Animation]] 0p500h1f7sley0duyyidi87cirjq4ir 14 10993 3778562 3209060 2025-07-14T12:49:01Z UDScott 4304 Moving from [[Category:Activists]] to [[Category:Activists by issue]] using [[c:Help:Cat-a-lot|Cat-a-lot]] 3778562 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Activists by issue]] [[Category:Animals|+]] [[Category:Animal rights movement]] pl279ku2zm8x4702irv8kpnfr5xoqpp 0 11139 3778785 3681145 2025-07-14T18:22:34Z A23423413 3125316 /* Quotes about Marley */ add 3778785 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Bob Marley Grona Lund 1977.jpg|thumb|One [[love]], one [[heart]], <br /> Let's get together and [[feel]] alright.]] '''[[w:Bob Marley|Robert Nesta Marley]]''' ([[6 February]] [[1945]] – [[11 May]] [[1981]]), more famously known as '''Bob Marley''', was a Jamaican [[w:Singer|singer]], [[w:guitarist|guitarist]], [[w:songwriter|songwriter]], and social activist. His vision of "One World, One Love," is a dream that inspired many. == Quotes == [[File:Bob-Marley-in-Concert Zurich 05-30-80.jpg|thumb|Judge not, if you're not ready for [[judgment]].]] [[File:Bob-Marley.jpg|thumb|[[Truth]] is the [[light]], <br /> So you never give up the [[fight]].]] * '''The more you accept herb, the more you accept [[w:Rastafari|Rastafari]].''' ** [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=foFbFOxbPJk "Bob Marley interview on Marijuana" (1979)] from the ''Come A Long Way'' documentary, made for New Zealand TV show ''Good Day'' (1979) with reporter Dylan Taite <!-- [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nw4i8ZryuCw Herb Is The Healing Of The Nation - YouTube] --> * All dese governments and dis this and that, these people that say they're here to help, why them say you cannot smoke the herb? '''Herb... herb is a plant, you know? And when me check it, me can't find no reason. All them say is, 'it make you rebel'. Against what?''' ** As recorded in [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OsfYAJ3dQyY&feature=player_embedded filmed interview] (1979) with Dylan Taite in Aotearoa, New Zealand * '''Alcohol make you drunk, man. It don't make you meditate, it just make you drunk. Herb is more a consciousness.''' ** As recorded in [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OsfYAJ3dQyY&feature=player_embedded filmed interview] (1979) with Dylan Taite in Aotearoa, New Zealand * '''We don't have education, we have inspiration; if I was educated I would be a damn fool.''' ** As recorded in ''Time Will Tell'' (1992), a documentary by Declan Lowney * '''Today, people struggle to find what's real. Everything has become so synthetic that a lot of people, all they want is to grasp onto hope.''' ** As quoted in ''Rolling Stone's The Immortals'' (2004) "Bob" * '''Possession make you rich? I don't have that type of richness. My richness is Life, forever.''' ** [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9LnxGoglJck Interview for the Australian TV show ''60 Minutes''] === Song lyrics === [[File:Bob Marley.JPG|thumb|Don't worry about a thing, <br /> 'Cos every little thing is gonna be alright.]] [[File:Bob Marley emancipated from mental slavery 1.jpg|thumb|[[Emancipate]] yourself from [[mental]] [[slavery]], none but [[ourselves]] can [[free]] our [[mind]].]] [[File:Bob-marley-wailers-crystal-palace.jpg|thumb|They say: only the fittest of the fittest shall survive, stay alive!]] *'''One good thing about music, when it hits you feel no pain.''' **''Trenchtown Rock'' (single, 1970) * '''Some people say great God come from the sky take away everything and make everybody feel high, but if you know what life is worth, you will look for yours on earth.''' ** ''[[w:Get Up, Stand Up|Get Up, Stand Up]]'' (cowritten with [[w:Peter Tosh|Peter Tosh]]), from the album ''[[w:Burnin' (The Wailers album)|Burnin']]'' (1973) * '''Get up, stand up: stand up for your [[rights]]! <br> Get up, stand up: don't give up the fight!''' ** ''{{w|Get Up, Stand Up}}, [[w:Burnin' (The Wailers album)|Burnin']]'' (1973), cowritten with {{w|Peter Tosh}} * '''Every day the bucket a-go a well, one day the bottom a-go drop out.''' ** ''[[w:I Shot The Sheriff|I Shot The Sheriff]]'', from the album ''[[w:Burnin' (The Wailers album)|Burnin']]'' (1973) * If you are the big tree <br> We are the small axe <br> Sharpened to cut you down <br> Ready to cut you down ** ''[[w:Small Axe (song)|Small Axe]]'', from the album ''[[w:Burnin' (The Wailers album)|Burnin']]'' (1973) * '''A hungry mob is an angry mob.''' ** ''Them Belly Full (But We Hungry)'', from the album ''[[w:Natty Dread|Natty Dread]]'' (1974) * Never make a politician grant you a favour <br /> They will always want to control you forever. ** ''Revolution'', from the album ''[[w:Natty Dread|Natty Dread]]'' (1974) * If you get down and you quarrel everyday <br /> You're saying prayers to the devils, I say. ** ''Positive Vibration'', from the album ''[[w:Rastaman Vibration|Rastaman Vibration]]'' (1976) * '''Truth is the light <br /> So you never give up the fight.''' ** Final jamming of ''[[w:Live at the Roxy (Bob Marley & The Wailers album)|Live at the Roxy]]'' (recorded 1976) * '''When the rain falls, it won't fall on one man's housetop.''' ** ''So Much Things to Say'', from the album ''[[w:Exodus (Bob Marley and the Wailers album)|Exodus]]'' (1977) * '''Your life is worth much more than gold.''' ** ''[[w:Jamming (song)|Jamming]]'', from the album ''[[w:Exodus (Bob Marley and the Wailers album)|Exodus]]'' (1977) * '''Don't worry about a thing, <br /> 'Cos every little thing is gonna be alright.''' ** ''[[w:Three Little Birds|Three Little Birds]]'', from the album ''[[w:Exodus (Bob Marley and the Wailers album)|Exodus]]'' (1977) * '''One love, one heart, <br /> Let's get together and feel alright.''' ** ''[[w:One Love (Bob Marley song)|One Love]]'' (cowritten with [[w:Curtis Mayfield|Curtis Mayfield]]), from the album ''[[w:Exodus (album)|Exodus]]'', originally recorded on ''[[w:The Wailing Wailers|The Wailing Wailers]]'' (1965) * '''Excuse me while I light my spliff (spliff) <br /> Good God I gotta' take a lift (lift) <br /> From reality I just can't drift (drift) <br /> That's why I am staying with this riff (riff)''' <br /><br /> Take it easy, easy skanking <br /> Got to take it easy, easy skanking. ** ''Easy Skanking'', from the album ''[[w:Kaya (album)|Kaya]]'' (1978) · [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wlqB13iJu2o Video on YouTube] *They say the sun shines for all <br /> But in some people world it never shine at all. ** ''Crisis'', from the album ''[[w:Kaya (album)|Kaya]]'' (1978) * '''Every man gotta right to decide his own destiny.''' ** ''[[w:Zimbabwe (song)|Zimbabwe]]'', from the album ''[[w:Survival (Bob Marley & The Wailers album)|Survival]]'' (1979) * '''Life is one big road with lots of signs''', <br /> So when you riding through the ruts, <br /> Don't you complicate your mind <br />''' Flee from hate, mischief and jealousy <br /> Don't bury your thoughts; put your vision to reality''' ** "Wake Up and Live!” on ''[[w:Survival (album)|Survival]]'' (1979) * '''In the abundance of water a fool is thirsty.''' ** ''Rat Race'', from the album ''Rastaman Vibration'' * '''When one door is closed, many more is open.''' ** ''Coming in from the Cold'', from the album ''Confrontation'' * '''It is better to live on the house top <br /> than to live in a house full of confusion.''' ** ''Running Away'', from the album ''Kaya'' ==== ''[[w:Judge Not|Judge Not]]'' (single, 1961) ==== * '''Judge not, before you judge yourself. <br /> Judge not, if you're not ready for judgment.''' * The Road of life is rocky and you may stumble too, <br /> so while you talk about me, someone else is judging you. === ''[[w:Uprising (album)|Uprising]]'' (1979) === * '''[[Emancipate]] yourself from [[mental]] [[slavery]], <br /> None but [[ourselves]] can [[free]] our [[minds]].''' <br /> Have no fear for atomic energy, <br /> 'Cause none of them can stop the [[time]]. ** [[w:Redemption Song|Redemption Song]]; the song was inspired by a speech by [[Marcus Garvey]] in Nova Scotia in October 1937, published in his ''Black Man'' magazine, Vol. 3, no. 10 (July 1938), pp. 7-11: :: '''We are going to emancipate ourselves from mental slavery because whilst others might free the body, none but ourselves can free the mind.''' Mind is your only ruler, sovereign. The man who is not able to develop and use his mind is bound to be the slave of the other man who uses his mind. * '''Won't you help to sing, <br /> These [[songs]] of freedom?'''<br /> 'Cause all I ever had, <br /> '''[[Redemption]] songs.''' ** Redemption Song * We JAH people can make it work. ** Work * '''Don't gain the [[world]] and lose your [[soul]] <br /> [[Wisdom]] is better than [[silver]] and [[gold]].''' ** [[w:Zion Train|Zion Train]] * Two thousand years of history Black History could not be wiped away so easily. ** Zion Train * And what has been hidden from the wise and the prudent been revealed in the mouth of the toddlers. ** [[w:Forever Loving Jah|Forever Loving Jah]] * Who are you to judge the life I live? <br /> '''I know that I'm not perfect and that I don't claim to be, <br /> so before you point your fingers make sure your hands are clean.''' ** [[w:Could you be loved|Could you be loved]] * '''They say: only the fittest of the fittest shall survive, stay alive!''' ** Could You Be Loved {{disputed begin}} == Disputed == [[File:Bob Marley house in Nine Mile.jpg|thumb|Say you just can't live that negative way <br/> You know what I mean <br/> Make way for the positive day <br/> Cause it's a new day.]] :<small>Some famous songs were made popular by Marley, but writing credits were actually given to his close friend Vincent Ford. Ford did not write these lyrics, Marley did, but gave Ford writing credits so he could use the royalty money to help pay for his Trenchtown soup kitchen. {{fact}} <!-- More information is needed on these and other lyrics credits --> </small> * Say you just can't live that negative way <br/> You know what I mean <br/> Make way for the positive day <br/> Cause it's a new day. ** ''Positive Vibration'', from the album ''[[w:Rastaman Vibration|Rastaman Vibration]]'' (1976) ==== ''[[w:No Woman, No Cry|No Woman, No Cry]]'', from the album ''[[w:Natty Dread|Natty Dread]]'' (1974) ==== * Good friends we have had, oh good friends we've lost along the way<br/> In this bright future you can't forget your past<br/> So dry your tears I say <br /> No woman, no cry<br/> No woman, no cry<br/> Little darlin' don't shed no tears <br /> No woman, no cry ** * Ev'rything's gonna be alright <br/> So, no woman, no cry. {{disputed end}} {{Misattributed begin}} ==Misattributed== * '''The people who are trying to make this world worse are not taking a day off. How can I? Light up the darkness.''' **Originated from a scene in the 2007 film ''[[I Am Legend (film)|I Am Legend]]'' **Misattribution quoted by [[W:Taika Waititi|Taika Waititi]] in March 2019 [https://www.salon.com/2019/03/15/taika-waititi-my-heart-is-broken-over-new-zealand-mosque-shootings_partner/ after the New Zealand Mosque shootings]. {{Misattributed end}} ==Quotes about Marley== [[File:Naelachohanboutrosghali-2.jpg|thumb|I am [[Boutros Boutros-Ghali]]; put down your [[gun]] and listen to Bob Marley.]] * I carried Bob Marley’s [[w:Redemption Song|Redemption Song]] to every meeting I had with a politician, prime minister, or president. It was for me a [[prophetic]] utterance or as Bob would say "the small ax that could fell the big tree". The song reminded me that freedom always comes with a cost, but for those who would prepare to pay it, maybe "emancipation from mental slavery" would be our reward. ** [[Bono]], as quoted in ''Marley Legend: An Illustrated Life of Bob Marley'' (2006) by James Henke, pg. 57 *I am [[Boutros Boutros-Ghali]]; put down your gun and listen to Bob Marley. **[[Boutros Boutros-Ghali]], in [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C5P9J1wCgNM&feature=kp an interview] for ''[[w:Da Ali G Show|Da Ali G Show]]'', Episode 8 : "War" (28 February 2003) *I saw Marley a few months before he died in a concert at the Crystal Palace Bowl in South London. He was magisterial on that stage. His dreadlocks were shaken at the London Stock Exchange and at the Houses of Parliament. He stomped on the spot as if to put out the fire of despotism. He crooned some unforgettable lovers' lyrics as if to confirm that even the warrior has to love. His songs are anthems for me. They celebrate Africa, berate politicians, lament slavery, invigorate the spirit. Looking over the century as it closes, I see Marley up there with the best six popular songwriters - [[Gershwin]], [[Bob Dylan]], [[Michael Jackson]], [[Billie Holiday]], [[the Beatles]]... I know we all have our own lists. **[[Fred D'Aguiar]] ''Talk Yuh Talk: Interviews with Anglophone Caribbean Poets'' by Kwame Dawes (2000) * You just mentioned Bob Marley —  I can remember when I was in college, ''listening'' — and not agreeing with his whole philosophy necessarily, but raising my [[awareness]] of how people outside of our country were thinking about the struggles for jobs and [[dignity]], and freedom. ** [[Barack Obama]], in an [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Ni6bHX7a78 interview with ''MTV'' (26 October 2012)] * '''He had this [[idea]]. It was kind of a virologist idea. He believed that you could cure [[racism]] and [[hate]]... literally cure it, by injecting [[music]] and [[love]] into people's [[lives]].''' When he was scheduled to perform at a [[peace]] rally, a gunman came to his house and shot him down. Two days later he walked out on that stage and sang. When they asked him why — '''He said, "The people who are trying to make this world worse are not taking a day off. How can I? Light up the darkness."''' **[[w:Mark Protosevich|Mark Protosevich]] and [[w:Akiva Goldsman|Akiva Goldsman]], in [[I Am Legend (film)|''I Am Legend'' (2007)]] (''Note''. This is a work of fiction. There is no indication that the quoted words were actually spoken by Bob Marley.) *The U.S. empire rests on a grisly foundation: the massacre of millions of indigenous people, the stealing of their lands, and following this, the kidnapping and enslavement of millions of black people from Africa to work that land. Thousands died on the seas while they were being shipped like caged cattle between continents. "Stolen from Africa, brought to America"-Bob Marley's "Buffalo Soldier" contains a whole universe of unspeakable sadness. It tells of the loss of dignity, the loss of wilderness, the loss of freedom, the shattered pride of a people. Genocide and slavery provide the social and economic underpinning of the nation whose fundamental values reject hate, murderers, and evil. **[[Arundhati Roy]] ''War Talk'' (2003) ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{commonscat|Bob Marley}} * [http://www.bobmarley.com/ Official Bob Marley website] * {{imdb name|0002490|Bob Marley}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Marley, Bob}} [[Category:Guitarists]] [[Category:Reggae singers]] [[Category:Singer-songwriters]] [[Category:Musicians from Jamaica]] [[Category:1945 births]] [[Category:1981 deaths]] [[Category:Social activists]] [[Category:Vegetarians]] [[Category:Reggae]] [[Category:Ska]] [[Category:Drug culture]] [[Category:Former Roman Catholics]] o61g8uhmfzczv07xeb3f7mq5sxze4bl 1 11762 3778784 1530718 2025-07-14T18:21:07Z A23423413 3125316 /* Unsourced */ added one quote that needs original citation 3778784 wikitext text/x-wiki For more on Neruda, please check out http://www.redpoppy.net/pablo_neruda.htm and www.redpoppy.net ==Bilingual citations=== If the verses being cited come from a published English translation, it is absurd to cite the original Spanish because the source is the translation itself. Adding both Spanish and English versions extends the article too much; makes the article look bi-lingual and confusing. Presumably the person viewing this English wikiquote cannot understand it anyway. [[User:Moshe-paz|Moshe-paz]] 02:29, 1 June 2007 (UTC) Two suggestions: first, read only the part you understand and ignore the rest, as you will be happier and so will everyone else; second, there are many nuances in every language that are not obvious even in the best of translations, so, for people who are bi-lingual or learning a new language and are not confused by seeing two languages on the same page, the original quote with a translation is frequently useful in discovering those nuances. ==Unsourced== Wikiquote no longer allows unsourced quotations, and they are in process of being removed from our pages (see [[Wikiquote:Limits on quotations#General|Wikiquote:Limits on quotations]]); but if you can provide a [[Wikiquote:Sourcing|reliable, precise and verifiable source]] for any quote on this list please move it to [[Pablo Neruda]]. --[[User:Antiquary|Antiquary]] 19:09, 27 May 2009 (UTC) * ''Algún día en cualquier parte, en cualquier lugar indefectiblemente te encontrarás a ti mismo, y ésa, sólo ésa, puede ser la más feliz o la más amarga de tus horas.'' ** Someday, somewhere — anywhere, unfailingly, you'll find yourself, and that, and only that, can be the happiest or bitterest hour of your life. * ''El fuero para el gran ladrón, la cárcel para el que roba un pan.'' ** Impunity for the great thief, and jail for the thief who steals a loaf. * ''En un beso, sabrás todo lo que he callado.'' ** In one kiss, you'll know all I haven't said. * ''Hoy es hoy, y ayer se fue. No hay duda.'' ** Today is today, and yesterday is gone. There is no doubt. * ''La timidez es una condición ajena al corazón, una categoría, una dimensión que desemboca en la soledad.'' ** Shyness is a condition foreign to the heart — a category, a dimension which leads to loneliness. * ''Podrán cortar todas las flores, pero no podrán detener la primavera.'' ** They may mow down all the flowers, but they can't stop spring. * ''¿Sufre más aquél que espera siempre que aquél que nunca esperó a nadie?.'' ** Does he who waits forever suffer more than he who never waited for anybody? * ''Yo creía que la ruta pasaba por el hombre, y que de allí tenía que salir el destino.'' ** I believed that the way passed through Man, and that it was from there that destiny had to emerge. * ''La risa es el lenguaje del alma.'' ** Laughter is the language of the soul * So is the Andes. ** Reply, late in life, to the accusation by a journalist that his work was "uneven" * ''Y esto es más facíl que mañana jueves<br>y más difícil que seguir naciendo<br>y es un oficio extraño que te busca<br>y que se esconde cuando lo buscaron<br>y es una sombra con el techo roto,<br>pero en los agujeros hay estrellas.'' ** And that is easier than tomorrow being Thursday<br>and yet more difficult than to go on being born:<br>a strange vocation that seeks you out<br>and which goes into hiding when we seek it out<br>a shadow with a broken roof<br>and stars shining through its holes. *"hear Neruda: 'Can [[poetry]] serve our fellow men? Can it find a place in man's struggles? ... I felt a pressing need to write a central poem that would bring together the historical events, the geographical situations, the life ... of our peoples.'" **quoted by [[Nadine Gordimer]] in "When Art Meets Politics" (1999) 4qh69073iplaxka1vawd0m73yum80ar 0 12043 3778484 3545402 2025-07-14T12:20:42Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Architects]]; added [[Category:Architects from the Netherlands]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778484 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Rem Koolhaas 1987.jpg|thumb|Rem Koolhaas, 1987.]] '''[[w:Rem Koolhaas|Rem Koolhaas]]''' (born [[17 November]] [[1944]] in Rotterdam, Netherlands) is a Dutch architect, former journalist and screenwriter who studied architecture at the Architectural Association School of Architecture in London and co-founded the Office for Metropolitan Architecture. {{architect-stub}} == Quotes == * Architecture is a dangerous mixture of power and impotence. ** From ''S,M,L,XL'', New York: The Monacelli Press, 1995 * Find optimism in the inevitable. ** From the [http://www.nytimes.com/2008/03/03/arts/design/03kool.html?_r=1&scp=2&sq=Rem+Koolhaas&st=nyt&oref=slogin New York Times] article on Koolhaas and Dubai appearing March 3rd, 2008. Available here: * I live in a Victorian apartment building in London. ** [https://www.spiegel.de/international/spiegel/spiegel-interview-with-dutch-architect-rem-koolhaas-evil-can-also-be-beautiful-a-408748.html SPIEGEL interview], 2006 * The city is no longer. We can leave the theatre now. ** From "Generic City", published in ''S,M,L,XL'', New York: The Monacelli Press, 1995 * Bigness is no longer part of any urban tissue. (...) Its subtext is fuck context. ** From "Bigness or the problem of Large", published in ''S,M,L,XL'', New York: The Monacelli Press, 1995 * Japan lives with drastic segregation between the sublime, the ugly, and the utterly without qualities. Dominance of the last 2 categories makes mere presence of the first stunning: when beauty 'happens', it is absolutely surprising. ** From "Learning Japanese", published in ''S,M,L,XL'', New York: The Monacelli Press, 1995 *We were making sand castles. Now we swim in the sea that swept them away ** [http://www.arhns.uns.ac.rs/wp-content/uploads/Arch432_koolhaas.pdf ''What Ever Happened to Urbanism?''] The ''Monicelli Press, New York'', 1995, pp. 959/971. *People can inhabit anything. And they can be miserable in anything and ecstatic in anything. More and more I think that architecture has nothing to do with it. Of course, that's both liberating and alarming. But the generic city, the general urban condition, is happening everywhere, and just the fact that it occurs in such enormous quantities must mean that it's habitable. Architecture can't do anything that the culture doesn't. We all complain that we are confronted by urban environments that are completely similar. We say we want to create beauty, identity, quality, singularity. And yet, maybe in truth these cities that we have are desired. Maybe their very characterlessness provides the best context for living. **[http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/4.07/koolhaas.html From Bauhaus to Koolhaas Interview in ''Wired magazine''] (4 July 1996) *It's very simple and it has nothing to do with identifiable goals. It is to keep thinking about what architecture can be, in whatever form. That is an answer, isn't it? I think that ''S,M,L,XL'' has one beautiful ambiguity: it used the past to build a future and is very adamant about giving notice that this is not the end. That's how it felt to me, anyway. That is in itself evidence of a kind of discomfort with achievement measured in terms of identifiable entities, and an announcement that continuity of thinking in whatever form, around whatever subject, is the real ambition. ** [http://www.indexmagazine.com/interviews/rem_koolhaas.shtml Rem Koolhaas Interview with Jennifer Sigler in ''Index Magazine]'', (2000) * Noting that architecture can no longer keep up with the world: "The areas of consensus shift unbelievably fast; the bubbles of certainty are constantly exploding. Any architectural project we do takes at least four or five years, so increasingly there is a discrepancy between the acceleration of culture and the continuing slowness of architecture. **[http://www.iconeye.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=2715:rem-koolhaas--icon-013--june-2004 interview in ''Iconey ], Icon 013, (June 2004) Architecture can't do anything that the culture doesn't. We all complain that we are confronted by urban environments that are completely similar. We say we want to create beauty, identity, quality, singularity. And yet, maybe in truth these cities that we have are desired. Maybe their very characterlessness provides the best context for living. *[http://archive.wired.com/wired/archive/4.07/koolhaas_pr.html Interview in Wired magazine] * “Architecture has been a domain of architects, a discipline presumably dominated by immaculately dressed bookish pedants that have a stream of thought well displaced from regular human thought.”- [http://www.indexmagazine.com/interviews/rem_koolhaas.shtml Rem Koolhaas Interview with Jennifer Sigler in ''Index Magazine'']'', (2000)'' == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Koolhaas, Rem}} [[Category:1944 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:People from Rotterdam]] [[Category:Architects from the Netherlands]] [[Category:Non-fiction authors from the Netherlands]] 6t4mbb0n30hh46c41949sx8h3af4rrq 0 12219 3778650 3541289 2025-07-14T13:35:32Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Comedians]]; added [[Category:Comedians from Scotland]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778650 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Rory Bremner at the Savoy 2007.jpg|thumb|Rory Bremner in 2007]] '''[[w:Rory Bremner|Rory Bremner]]''', [[w:Fellow King's College|FKC]] (born [[6 April]] [[1961]], Edinburgh, Scotland) is a Scottish impressionist and comedian, known for his political satire. ==Quotes == ===On the imminent Iraq war (2003)=== *''(as [[Tony Blair]])'': "Look we believe Saddam has weapons of mass destruction. Now if we don't attack him, then he might not use them, and in that case we'll never know whether he's got them or not. And you know, that's not a risk I'm prepared to take. Besides if we do conquer Iraq, and remove Saddam Hussein, there's a chance we could win the Nobel Peace Prize, and you know, frankly, isn't that something worth going to war for?" *'''Bremner ''(as himself)'':''' "But let's be clear. We're talking about a country where there's no opposition. As leader he can ignore Parliament and - sorry that's Tony Blair isn't it? Um, so he doesn't even have to ask the country before he goes to war - sorry that's still Tony Blair. No, the difference is Saddam rules Iraq through a combination of terror and brutality, backed up by a vicious regime of intimidation and torture - or is that David Blunkett? As absolute ruler Saddam recently claimed 100% victory in a Presidential Election."<br>'''''[[w:John Fortune|John Fortune]]:''' "Although that's not surprising, given that voters were accompanied into the booths by Saddam's Ba'ath party officials, and given a choice between voting for Saddam or voting for their wives and children to be killed, and their houses to be burnt down."''<br>'''Bremner ''(as [[w:Peter Snow|Peter Snow]])'':''' "And just a bit of fun, just a bit of fun, even small children were counted as supporters on the principle that you might as well throw in the baby with the Ba'ath voter." *''(as himself)'': "So to recap: we may or may not be going to war with Iraq because Saddam may or may not have weapons of mass destruction, which he may or may not use, or pass to other terrorists groups with whom he may or may not have links." *''(as himself)'': "[[w:Saddam Hussein|Saddam Hussein]] and [[w:Osama bin Laden|Osama bin Laden]] are much like [[w:Nancy Dell'Olio|Nancy Dell'Olio]] and [[w:Ulrika Jonsson|Ulrika Jonsson]]: they can't stand each other, but they both enjoy fucking the same bloke." **''All from "Between Iraq and a Hard Place", Channel 4, January 5, 2003.'' *''(as himself)'': "Multimedia? As far as I’m concerned, it’s reading with the radio on." **''Cited in ''Introduction to Multimedia Retrieval'' by Remco Veltkamp'' == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Bremner, Rory}} [[Category:1961 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Comedians from Scotland]] [[Category:Satirists from Scotland]] [[Category:Actors from Scotland]] [[Category:Playwrights from Scotland]] [[Category:People from Edinburgh]] [[Category:King's College London alumni]] e0tn3wp8nnk8rfqh0nfxs8122crxynp 0 12785 3778968 3770360 2025-07-15T01:49:43Z 2A00:23C7:8583:8901:5157:8FC5:8DBF:8C56 /* Dialogue */ 3778968 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Highlander (film)|Highlander]]''''' is a [[w:1986 in film|1986 film]] about an [[immortal]] Scottish [[swordsman]] who must confront the last of his immortal opponents, a murderously brutal barbarian who lusts for the fabled "Prize". : Directed by [[w:Russell Mulcahy|Russell Mulcahy]]. Written by [[w:Gregory Widen|Gregory Widen]], Peter Bellwood, and [[w:Larry Ferguson (screenwriter)|Larry Ferguson]].'' {{center|'''There can be only one.''' <small> [[#Taglines|taglines]]</small> }} == Connor MacLeod == [[file:Glenfinnan monument 20211024.jpg|thumb|alt=a tower by a lake in the Scottish Highlands|I was born in [[1518]] in the village of Glenfinnan on the shores of Loch Shiel.]] * ''[MacLeod's unanswered question to Ramirez, when he defeats him for the first time.]'' If it came down to just us two, would you take my head? * ''[Surviving being shot by Nazis; explaining to Rachel, then a little girl]'' '''Ssh, it's a kind of [[magic]].''' * Whatever you say, Jack. You're the master race. ''[kills a [[Nazi]] soldier]'' * ''[Revealing his true nature to Brenda]'' I am Connor MacLeod of the Clan MacLeod. I was born in [[1518]] in the village of Glenfinnan on the shores of Loch Shiel. And I am [[immortal]]. * ''[After killing the Kurgan, and about to receive The Prize]'' There can be only one. * I'm sorry I called your wife a bloated warthog ''[snickers]'' and I bid you good day. == Ramirez == * '''When only a few of us are left, we will feel an irresistible pull towards a far away land, to fight for The Prize. * '''Sometimes, Macleod… the sharpest blade is not enough''' * '''You cannot [[die]], MacLeod. Accept it!''' * Crude and slow, clansman. Your attack was no better than that of a clumsy child! * '''Don't lose your temper.''' If your head comes away from your neck, it's over. * ''[Explaining the rules of The Game]'' '''We must [[fight]] until only [[one]] remains.''' You are safe only on Holy Ground. None of us will violate that [[rule]]. It's [[tradition]]. * ''[Explaining how one fights the Kurgan]'' With heart, faith and steel." == The Kurgan == * Nuns. No sense of humor. * I have something to say: it's better to burn out than to fade away! == Dialogue == [[file:Espada Toledo Salamanca.jpg|thumb|alt=A sword is arranged in a glass case in a museum next to other antique weapons|It's a Toledo Salamanca broadsword, worth about a million bucks.]] :''['''Connor''' is in a police interrogation room, being observed by Sergeant '''Garfield''' and Detective '''Bedsoe'''. '''Garfield''' is eyeing '''Connor''' up. '''Connor''' knows this, and stares into '''Garfield''''s eyes. '''Garfield''' looks unnerved. Detective Lieutenant '''Moran''' walks in, with a mug of coffee in one hand, a [[sword]] wrapped in plastic in the other, and a red file under his arm with the sword. He sets the mug on the desk, sets everything else on the desk too, and sits down opposite '''Connor''', who looks at him.]'' :'''Moran''': ''[Opening the folder, taking out a black-and-white photograph of a man and setting it so '''Connor''' can see it]'' You ever see this guy before, Nash? :''['''Connor''' briefly looks at the photograph, then shakes his head.]'' :'''Moran''': His name's Vasilek, Polish national. Had his head chopped off in New Jersey two nights ago. You ever get over to New Jersey, Nash? :'''Connor''': Not if I can help it. :'''Garfield''': You talk funny, Nash. Where're you from? :'''Connor''': ''[To Garfield]'' Lots of different places. :'''Moran''': You're an antique dealer, right? :'''Connor''': Yes. :'''Moran''': Okay... ''[He reaches for the sword and brings it onto the table]'' ...what's that? :''['''Connor''' leans over to have a look at the sword.]'' :'''Connor''': ''[Almost sarcastically]'' A sword? :'''Garfield''': Wise up, smart-ass. ''[Connor shoots him a dirty look as he leans back.]'' :'''Moran''': It's a Toledo Salamanca broadsword, worth about a million bucks. :'''Connor''': So? :'''Moran''': So you wanna hear a theory? :'''Connor''': Yes. :'''Moran''': You were down that garage to buy this sword from that guy, whatshisname? :'''Connor''': I don't know, you tell me. :'''Moran''': Okay, his is Iman Fasil. You fought about the price and cut off his head. :'''Connor''': ''[Laughs briefly]'' Wanna hear another theory? This Fasil was so upset about the lousy wrestling tonight, he went down to the garage and in a fit of depression, cut off his own head. :''[Bedsoe laughs.]'' :'''Moran''': That's not funny, Walt. :'''Garfield''': You a [[gay|faggot]], Nash? :'''Connor''': Why, Garfield? You cruising for a piece of ass? :'''Garfield''': ''[Walks over to Connor]'' I'll tell you what happened, Russell. You went down to the garage for a blowjob, and just didn't wanna pay for it. :'''Connor''': ''[Laughs briefly]'' You ''are'' sick. ''[Garfield punches him in the face. Connor recoils, then jumps out his chair, knocks it over, and races straight into Garfield, rugby-tackling him and driving him directly into the wall.]'' :'''Moran''': Hey, hey! HEY! STOP THAT! :'''Bedsoe''': What you doing? :''[The rooms outside the interrogation room stop work, because the other civilians have seen what's happening, and are cheering.]'' :'''Bedsoe''': ''[On Connor's right arm]'' What are you, crazy?! ''[Connor shoves him away, with such a force that knocks him to the floor and sliding across it, to the opposite wall.]'' :'''Moran''': ''[Angrily]'' BREAK IT UP! ''[Interposes himself between Connor and Garfield]'' That's enough! That's it! CUT IT OUT! :'''Connor''': ''[Walking over to the desk]'' Am I under arrest? :'''Moran''': Not yet. :'''Connor''': Then we're through. ''[He prepares to leave the interrogation room.]'' :'''Moran''': Hey! We're just getting started. :''[Connor leaves the interrogation room. The civilians are all cheering him, especially the ladies.]'' <hr width="50%"/> [[file:Haggis.JPG|thumb|alt=haggis on a platter|Sheep's stomach, stuffed with meat and barley.]] :'''Connor''': ''[during a training exercise in a boat]'' You look like a woman, you stupid haggis! :'''Ramírez''': Haggis? What is haggis? :'''Connor''': Sheep's stomach, stuffed with meat and barley. :'''Ramírez''': ''[confusedly]'' And what do you do with it? :'''Connor''': You eat it! :'''Ramírez''': ''[grimacing]'' That's revolting!! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ramírez:''' Never overextend your thrust. You are vulnerable... and off balance! :''[MacLeod stumbles to his knees while Ramírez places his blade on his neck. MacLeod's wife, Heather, laughs at the scene.]'' :'''MacLeod:''' Heather, please! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After an intense battle, the Kurgan impales Ramírez on his sword]'' :'''Kurgan''': ''[repeating Ramírez's earlier taunt]'' "It hurts?" ''[glances down at Heather]'' Who is the woman? :'''Ramírez''': ''[grunts in pain]'' She's mine. :'''Kurgan''': Ah, not for much longer! ''[Ramírez spits in Kurgan's face, and he angrily pulls the sword out]'' Tonight, you sleep in Hell! There can be only one! ''[beheads Ramírez]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Heather''': My beautiful man...my husband. :'''MacLeod''': I am that, my love. :'''Heather''': I've never really known... :'''MacLeod''': What? :'''Heather''': Why you stayed. :'''MacLeod''': Because I love you as much now as the first day we met :'''Heather''': And I love you. I don't want to die. I want to stay with you...forever. :'''MacLeod''': I want that, too. :'''Heather''': Will you do something for me, Connor? :'''MacLeod''': What, blossom? :'''Heather''': In the years to come, will you light a candle and remember me on my birthday? :'''MacLeod''': Aye, love. I will. :'''Heather''': I wanted to have your children. :'''MacLeod''': They would have been strong, and fine. :'''Heather''': Don't see me, Connor. ''[Heather hides her face.]'' Let me die in peace...where are we? :'''MacLeod''': We're in the Highlands. Where else? Darting down the mountainside, the sun is shining. It's not cold. You've got your sheepskins on...''[MacLeod looks to see Heather dead in his arms, having peacefully passed]'' ...and the boots I made for you. :''[We see Connor bury Heather later that day, and then leave Heather's grave-marker.]'' :'''MacLeod''': Good night, my bonny Heather. <hr width="50%"/> :'''SS-Officer''': [''in German''] You should be dead! :'''MacLeod''': Move! :'''SS-Officer''': [''in German''] No! First you'll have to shoot me! :'''MacLeod''': [''laughs hoarsely''] Whatever you say, Jack. You're the master race. ''[Shoots him dead; to Rachel]'' Let's go! ''[They run out]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[MacLeod is inside a church, possibly in the Catholic denomination, very large interior, decorated with arches and columns, stained-glass windows and candles, and an altar draped in a purple tablecloth decorated with gold embroidery. He approaches a shrine, possibly dedicated to the Virgin Mary, lights a fresh prayer candle, and places it into one of the shrine's candle holding cups. He then drops to his knees, with his hands in front of the shrine.]'' :'''MacLeod''': ''[Very softly, whispering in some places, and somewhat sadly]'' For you, my bonny Heather. Happy Birthday. And you, Juan Ramirez... [with a near-invisible sense of laughter in his voice, as if remembering funny memories] take care of her, you overdressed haggis. :''[The Kurgan enters the church, as MecLeod is sinking into one of the pews, on his own. As the Kurgan enters, he struts over to the shrine, makes the sign of the cross on his head and chest as Catholics do, puts his hands together as if in prayer, and puts out the prayer candles, including the one MacLeod has just lit. He struts down the aisle and leans over a praying MacLeod.]'' :'''Kurgan''': ''[Placing a hand on MacLeod’s shoulder]'' Kastagir is gone. Only you and I remain. ''[He sits down in the pew behind MacLeod.]'' :'''MacLeod''': ''[Turning round]'' Nice to see you, Kurgan. Who cut your hair? :'''Kurgan''': ''[Looks briefly at his badly-shaved head]'' I am in disguise. This way, no one will recognize me. :'''MacLeod''': ''[Laughs briefly]'' I do. What do you want? :'''Kurgan''': Your head. ''[MacLeod scoffs.]'' And the Prize. Watch... :''[Two nuns walk by.]'' :'''Kurgan''': ''[Leering out of his pew]'' Happy Halloween, ladies! ''[He makes licking gestures with his tongue, and barks at the nuns. The nuns cross themselves, otherwise ignoring him, continuing up the aisle.]'' Nuns. No sense of humor. :'''MacLeod''': ''[Examining the horrible scar on the Kurgan's neck]'' Ramírez's blade did not cut deeply enough. ''[To the Kurgan]'' He was right about you. You're slime. :'''Kurgan''': ''[Loudly]'' Ramírez was an effete snob! He died on his knees. ''[In a bragging sort of manner]'' I took his head and raped his woman before his blood was even cold! ''[MacLeod absorbs the information, turning away. Disturbed people and choirboys start to leave. MacLeod faces the Kurgan again, angry now. The Kurgan realises the truth.]'' I see... Ramírez lied. She was not his woman. She was ''your'' woman, and she never told you. I wonder why? Perhaps I gave her something you never could... ''[MacLeod grabs him by the collar. He looks at MacLeod's hand.]'' ...and secretly, she yearned for my return! ''[He releases himself from MacLeod's grip. He rises, bringing MacLeod up with him.]'' Holy ground, Highlander! Remember what Ramírez taught you. :'''MacLeod''': You can't stay in here forever! :''[The Kurgan sits down in the pew again.]'' :'''Kurgan''': You are weak, Highlander. You will always be weaker than I. :''[MacLeod grabs Kurgan by the throat.]'' :'''MacLeod''': I'll be out front. :''[The Kurgan releases himself from Connor's grip once again.]'' :'''Kurgan''': Goodbye, MacLeod. We will meet soon enough. :''[MacLeod leaves the church. The Kurgan laughs]'' :'''Minister''': ''[Approaching the laughing Kurgan]'' For the love of God! These people are trying to pray. You're disturbing them. :'''Kurgan''': ''[With his hands folded behind his head, and his feet swung up on top of the pew MacLeod was sitting at]'' He cares about these helpless mortals? :'''Priest''': Of course He does. He died for our sins. :'''Kurgan''': That shall be His undoing. ''[He rises from his seat and takes the priest's hand.]'' Father, forgive me. I... am a worm. ''[He stoops, licks the priest's hand, and squeezes it. He prepares to leave, strutting back up the aisle, fastening his jacket, and then turns around.]'' ''[Loudly]'' I have something to say! It's better to burn out than to fade away! ''[He dances out of the church, cackling.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kastagir''': It seems like 100 years. :'''Conner''': It's been 100 years. == Taglines == * He fought his first battle on the Scottish Highlands in [[1536]]. He will fight his greatest battle on the streets of New York City in [[1986]]. His name is Connor MacLeod. He is immortal. * There can be only one. * Don't lose your head. * Tonight they will battle. Tomorrow there will be only one * He was born centuries ago. == Cast == * [[w:Christopher Lambert|Christopher Lambert]] - [[w:Connor MacLeod|Connor MacLeod / Russell Nash]] * [[Sean Connery]] - [[w:Juan Sánchez Villa-Lobos Ramírez|Juan Sánchez Villa-Lobos Ramírez]] * [[Clancy Brown]] - [[w:The Kurgan|The Kurgan / Victor Kruger]] * [[w:Roxanne Hart|Roxanne Hart]] - Brenda Wyatt * [[w:Beatie Edney|Beatie Edney]] - [[w:Heather MacLeod|Heather MacLeod]] * [[w:Alan North|Alan North]] - Lieutenant Frank Moran * [[w:Jon Polito|Jon Polito]] - Detective Walter Bedsoe * [[w:Sheila Gish|Sheila Gish]] - [[w:Rachel Ellenstein|Rachel Ellenstein]] * [[w:Hugh Quarshie|Hugh Quarshie]] - Sunda Kastagir * [[w:Christopher Malcolm|Christopher Malcolm]] - Kirk Matunas * [[w:Peter Diamond (actor)|Peter Diamond]] - Iman Fasil * [[w:Billy Hartman|Billy Hartman]] - Dugal MacLeod * [[w:James Cosmo|James Cosmo]] - Angus MacLeod * [[w:Celia Imrie|Celia Imrie]] - Kate MacLeod == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|id=0091203|title=Highlander}} * {{rotten-tomatoes|id=highlander|title=Highlander}} [[category:1986 films]] [[category:1980s American films]] [[category:British films]] [[category:cult films]] [[category:adventure films]] [[category:fantasy films]] mg9rggr1n6k3ecti9ugus4r6euspe93 3778969 3778968 2025-07-15T01:50:13Z 2A00:23C7:8583:8901:5157:8FC5:8DBF:8C56 /* Ramirez */ 3778969 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Highlander (film)|Highlander]]''''' is a [[w:1986 in film|1986 film]] about an [[immortal]] Scottish [[swordsman]] who must confront the last of his immortal opponents, a murderously brutal barbarian who lusts for the fabled "Prize". : Directed by [[w:Russell Mulcahy|Russell Mulcahy]]. Written by [[w:Gregory Widen|Gregory Widen]], Peter Bellwood, and [[w:Larry Ferguson (screenwriter)|Larry Ferguson]].'' {{center|'''There can be only one.''' <small> [[#Taglines|taglines]]</small> }} == Connor MacLeod == [[file:Glenfinnan monument 20211024.jpg|thumb|alt=a tower by a lake in the Scottish Highlands|I was born in [[1518]] in the village of Glenfinnan on the shores of Loch Shiel.]] * ''[MacLeod's unanswered question to Ramirez, when he defeats him for the first time.]'' If it came down to just us two, would you take my head? * ''[Surviving being shot by Nazis; explaining to Rachel, then a little girl]'' '''Ssh, it's a kind of [[magic]].''' * Whatever you say, Jack. You're the master race. ''[kills a [[Nazi]] soldier]'' * ''[Revealing his true nature to Brenda]'' I am Connor MacLeod of the Clan MacLeod. I was born in [[1518]] in the village of Glenfinnan on the shores of Loch Shiel. And I am [[immortal]]. * ''[After killing the Kurgan, and about to receive The Prize]'' There can be only one. * I'm sorry I called your wife a bloated warthog ''[snickers]'' and I bid you good day. == Ramírez == * '''When only a few of us are left, we will feel an irresistible pull towards a far away land, to fight for The Prize. * '''Sometimes, Macleod… the sharpest blade is not enough''' * '''You cannot [[die]], MacLeod. Accept it!''' * Crude and slow, clansman. Your attack was no better than that of a clumsy child! * '''Don't lose your temper.''' If your head comes away from your neck, it's over. * ''[Explaining the rules of The Game]'' '''We must [[fight]] until only [[one]] remains.''' You are safe only on Holy Ground. None of us will violate that [[rule]]. It's [[tradition]]. * ''[Explaining how one fights the Kurgan]'' With heart, faith and steel. * ''[While fighting the Kurgan]'' My cut has improved your voice! == The Kurgan == * Nuns. No sense of humor. * I have something to say: it's better to burn out than to fade away! == Dialogue == [[file:Espada Toledo Salamanca.jpg|thumb|alt=A sword is arranged in a glass case in a museum next to other antique weapons|It's a Toledo Salamanca broadsword, worth about a million bucks.]] :''['''Connor''' is in a police interrogation room, being observed by Sergeant '''Garfield''' and Detective '''Bedsoe'''. '''Garfield''' is eyeing '''Connor''' up. '''Connor''' knows this, and stares into '''Garfield''''s eyes. '''Garfield''' looks unnerved. Detective Lieutenant '''Moran''' walks in, with a mug of coffee in one hand, a [[sword]] wrapped in plastic in the other, and a red file under his arm with the sword. He sets the mug on the desk, sets everything else on the desk too, and sits down opposite '''Connor''', who looks at him.]'' :'''Moran''': ''[Opening the folder, taking out a black-and-white photograph of a man and setting it so '''Connor''' can see it]'' You ever see this guy before, Nash? :''['''Connor''' briefly looks at the photograph, then shakes his head.]'' :'''Moran''': His name's Vasilek, Polish national. Had his head chopped off in New Jersey two nights ago. You ever get over to New Jersey, Nash? :'''Connor''': Not if I can help it. :'''Garfield''': You talk funny, Nash. Where're you from? :'''Connor''': ''[To Garfield]'' Lots of different places. :'''Moran''': You're an antique dealer, right? :'''Connor''': Yes. :'''Moran''': Okay... ''[He reaches for the sword and brings it onto the table]'' ...what's that? :''['''Connor''' leans over to have a look at the sword.]'' :'''Connor''': ''[Almost sarcastically]'' A sword? :'''Garfield''': Wise up, smart-ass. ''[Connor shoots him a dirty look as he leans back.]'' :'''Moran''': It's a Toledo Salamanca broadsword, worth about a million bucks. :'''Connor''': So? :'''Moran''': So you wanna hear a theory? :'''Connor''': Yes. :'''Moran''': You were down that garage to buy this sword from that guy, whatshisname? :'''Connor''': I don't know, you tell me. :'''Moran''': Okay, his is Iman Fasil. You fought about the price and cut off his head. :'''Connor''': ''[Laughs briefly]'' Wanna hear another theory? This Fasil was so upset about the lousy wrestling tonight, he went down to the garage and in a fit of depression, cut off his own head. :''[Bedsoe laughs.]'' :'''Moran''': That's not funny, Walt. :'''Garfield''': You a [[gay|faggot]], Nash? :'''Connor''': Why, Garfield? You cruising for a piece of ass? :'''Garfield''': ''[Walks over to Connor]'' I'll tell you what happened, Russell. You went down to the garage for a blowjob, and just didn't wanna pay for it. :'''Connor''': ''[Laughs briefly]'' You ''are'' sick. ''[Garfield punches him in the face. Connor recoils, then jumps out his chair, knocks it over, and races straight into Garfield, rugby-tackling him and driving him directly into the wall.]'' :'''Moran''': Hey, hey! HEY! STOP THAT! :'''Bedsoe''': What you doing? :''[The rooms outside the interrogation room stop work, because the other civilians have seen what's happening, and are cheering.]'' :'''Bedsoe''': ''[On Connor's right arm]'' What are you, crazy?! ''[Connor shoves him away, with such a force that knocks him to the floor and sliding across it, to the opposite wall.]'' :'''Moran''': ''[Angrily]'' BREAK IT UP! ''[Interposes himself between Connor and Garfield]'' That's enough! That's it! CUT IT OUT! :'''Connor''': ''[Walking over to the desk]'' Am I under arrest? :'''Moran''': Not yet. :'''Connor''': Then we're through. ''[He prepares to leave the interrogation room.]'' :'''Moran''': Hey! We're just getting started. :''[Connor leaves the interrogation room. The civilians are all cheering him, especially the ladies.]'' <hr width="50%"/> [[file:Haggis.JPG|thumb|alt=haggis on a platter|Sheep's stomach, stuffed with meat and barley.]] :'''Connor''': ''[during a training exercise in a boat]'' You look like a woman, you stupid haggis! :'''Ramírez''': Haggis? What is haggis? :'''Connor''': Sheep's stomach, stuffed with meat and barley. :'''Ramírez''': ''[confusedly]'' And what do you do with it? :'''Connor''': You eat it! :'''Ramírez''': ''[grimacing]'' That's revolting!! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ramírez:''' Never overextend your thrust. You are vulnerable... and off balance! :''[MacLeod stumbles to his knees while Ramírez places his blade on his neck. MacLeod's wife, Heather, laughs at the scene.]'' :'''MacLeod:''' Heather, please! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After an intense battle, the Kurgan impales Ramírez on his sword]'' :'''Kurgan''': ''[repeating Ramírez's earlier taunt]'' "It hurts?" ''[glances down at Heather]'' Who is the woman? :'''Ramírez''': ''[grunts in pain]'' She's mine. :'''Kurgan''': Ah, not for much longer! ''[Ramírez spits in Kurgan's face, and he angrily pulls the sword out]'' Tonight, you sleep in Hell! There can be only one! ''[beheads Ramírez]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Heather''': My beautiful man...my husband. :'''MacLeod''': I am that, my love. :'''Heather''': I've never really known... :'''MacLeod''': What? :'''Heather''': Why you stayed. :'''MacLeod''': Because I love you as much now as the first day we met :'''Heather''': And I love you. I don't want to die. I want to stay with you...forever. :'''MacLeod''': I want that, too. :'''Heather''': Will you do something for me, Connor? :'''MacLeod''': What, blossom? :'''Heather''': In the years to come, will you light a candle and remember me on my birthday? :'''MacLeod''': Aye, love. I will. :'''Heather''': I wanted to have your children. :'''MacLeod''': They would have been strong, and fine. :'''Heather''': Don't see me, Connor. ''[Heather hides her face.]'' Let me die in peace...where are we? :'''MacLeod''': We're in the Highlands. Where else? Darting down the mountainside, the sun is shining. It's not cold. You've got your sheepskins on...''[MacLeod looks to see Heather dead in his arms, having peacefully passed]'' ...and the boots I made for you. :''[We see Connor bury Heather later that day, and then leave Heather's grave-marker.]'' :'''MacLeod''': Good night, my bonny Heather. <hr width="50%"/> :'''SS-Officer''': [''in German''] You should be dead! :'''MacLeod''': Move! :'''SS-Officer''': [''in German''] No! First you'll have to shoot me! :'''MacLeod''': [''laughs hoarsely''] Whatever you say, Jack. You're the master race. ''[Shoots him dead; to Rachel]'' Let's go! ''[They run out]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[MacLeod is inside a church, possibly in the Catholic denomination, very large interior, decorated with arches and columns, stained-glass windows and candles, and an altar draped in a purple tablecloth decorated with gold embroidery. He approaches a shrine, possibly dedicated to the Virgin Mary, lights a fresh prayer candle, and places it into one of the shrine's candle holding cups. He then drops to his knees, with his hands in front of the shrine.]'' :'''MacLeod''': ''[Very softly, whispering in some places, and somewhat sadly]'' For you, my bonny Heather. Happy Birthday. And you, Juan Ramirez... [with a near-invisible sense of laughter in his voice, as if remembering funny memories] take care of her, you overdressed haggis. :''[The Kurgan enters the church, as MecLeod is sinking into one of the pews, on his own. As the Kurgan enters, he struts over to the shrine, makes the sign of the cross on his head and chest as Catholics do, puts his hands together as if in prayer, and puts out the prayer candles, including the one MacLeod has just lit. He struts down the aisle and leans over a praying MacLeod.]'' :'''Kurgan''': ''[Placing a hand on MacLeod’s shoulder]'' Kastagir is gone. Only you and I remain. ''[He sits down in the pew behind MacLeod.]'' :'''MacLeod''': ''[Turning round]'' Nice to see you, Kurgan. Who cut your hair? :'''Kurgan''': ''[Looks briefly at his badly-shaved head]'' I am in disguise. This way, no one will recognize me. :'''MacLeod''': ''[Laughs briefly]'' I do. What do you want? :'''Kurgan''': Your head. ''[MacLeod scoffs.]'' And the Prize. Watch... :''[Two nuns walk by.]'' :'''Kurgan''': ''[Leering out of his pew]'' Happy Halloween, ladies! ''[He makes licking gestures with his tongue, and barks at the nuns. The nuns cross themselves, otherwise ignoring him, continuing up the aisle.]'' Nuns. No sense of humor. :'''MacLeod''': ''[Examining the horrible scar on the Kurgan's neck]'' Ramírez's blade did not cut deeply enough. ''[To the Kurgan]'' He was right about you. You're slime. :'''Kurgan''': ''[Loudly]'' Ramírez was an effete snob! He died on his knees. ''[In a bragging sort of manner]'' I took his head and raped his woman before his blood was even cold! ''[MacLeod absorbs the information, turning away. Disturbed people and choirboys start to leave. MacLeod faces the Kurgan again, angry now. The Kurgan realises the truth.]'' I see... Ramírez lied. She was not his woman. She was ''your'' woman, and she never told you. I wonder why? Perhaps I gave her something you never could... ''[MacLeod grabs him by the collar. He looks at MacLeod's hand.]'' ...and secretly, she yearned for my return! ''[He releases himself from MacLeod's grip. He rises, bringing MacLeod up with him.]'' Holy ground, Highlander! Remember what Ramírez taught you. :'''MacLeod''': You can't stay in here forever! :''[The Kurgan sits down in the pew again.]'' :'''Kurgan''': You are weak, Highlander. You will always be weaker than I. :''[MacLeod grabs Kurgan by the throat.]'' :'''MacLeod''': I'll be out front. :''[The Kurgan releases himself from Connor's grip once again.]'' :'''Kurgan''': Goodbye, MacLeod. We will meet soon enough. :''[MacLeod leaves the church. The Kurgan laughs]'' :'''Minister''': ''[Approaching the laughing Kurgan]'' For the love of God! These people are trying to pray. You're disturbing them. :'''Kurgan''': ''[With his hands folded behind his head, and his feet swung up on top of the pew MacLeod was sitting at]'' He cares about these helpless mortals? :'''Priest''': Of course He does. He died for our sins. :'''Kurgan''': That shall be His undoing. ''[He rises from his seat and takes the priest's hand.]'' Father, forgive me. I... am a worm. ''[He stoops, licks the priest's hand, and squeezes it. He prepares to leave, strutting back up the aisle, fastening his jacket, and then turns around.]'' ''[Loudly]'' I have something to say! It's better to burn out than to fade away! ''[He dances out of the church, cackling.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kastagir''': It seems like 100 years. :'''Conner''': It's been 100 years. == Taglines == * He fought his first battle on the Scottish Highlands in [[1536]]. He will fight his greatest battle on the streets of New York City in [[1986]]. His name is Connor MacLeod. He is immortal. * There can be only one. * Don't lose your head. * Tonight they will battle. Tomorrow there will be only one * He was born centuries ago. == Cast == * [[w:Christopher Lambert|Christopher Lambert]] - [[w:Connor MacLeod|Connor MacLeod / Russell Nash]] * [[Sean Connery]] - [[w:Juan Sánchez Villa-Lobos Ramírez|Juan Sánchez Villa-Lobos Ramírez]] * [[Clancy Brown]] - [[w:The Kurgan|The Kurgan / Victor Kruger]] * [[w:Roxanne Hart|Roxanne Hart]] - Brenda Wyatt * [[w:Beatie Edney|Beatie Edney]] - [[w:Heather MacLeod|Heather MacLeod]] * [[w:Alan North|Alan North]] - Lieutenant Frank Moran * [[w:Jon Polito|Jon Polito]] - Detective Walter Bedsoe * [[w:Sheila Gish|Sheila Gish]] - [[w:Rachel Ellenstein|Rachel Ellenstein]] * [[w:Hugh Quarshie|Hugh Quarshie]] - Sunda Kastagir * [[w:Christopher Malcolm|Christopher Malcolm]] - Kirk Matunas * [[w:Peter Diamond (actor)|Peter Diamond]] - Iman Fasil * [[w:Billy Hartman|Billy Hartman]] - Dugal MacLeod * [[w:James Cosmo|James Cosmo]] - Angus MacLeod * [[w:Celia Imrie|Celia Imrie]] - Kate MacLeod == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|id=0091203|title=Highlander}} * {{rotten-tomatoes|id=highlander|title=Highlander}} [[category:1986 films]] [[category:1980s American films]] [[category:British films]] [[category:cult films]] [[category:adventure films]] [[category:fantasy films]] oy5jxn8jti37b29ez3kmou83yd9orzn 3778971 3778969 2025-07-15T01:53:50Z 2A00:23C7:8583:8901:5157:8FC5:8DBF:8C56 /* The Kurgan */ 3778971 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Highlander (film)|Highlander]]''''' is a [[w:1986 in film|1986 film]] about an [[immortal]] Scottish [[swordsman]] who must confront the last of his immortal opponents, a murderously brutal barbarian who lusts for the fabled "Prize". : Directed by [[w:Russell Mulcahy|Russell Mulcahy]]. Written by [[w:Gregory Widen|Gregory Widen]], Peter Bellwood, and [[w:Larry Ferguson (screenwriter)|Larry Ferguson]].'' {{center|'''There can be only one.''' <small> [[#Taglines|taglines]]</small> }} == Connor MacLeod == [[file:Glenfinnan monument 20211024.jpg|thumb|alt=a tower by a lake in the Scottish Highlands|I was born in [[1518]] in the village of Glenfinnan on the shores of Loch Shiel.]] * ''[MacLeod's unanswered question to Ramirez, when he defeats him for the first time.]'' If it came down to just us two, would you take my head? * ''[Surviving being shot by Nazis; explaining to Rachel, then a little girl]'' '''Ssh, it's a kind of [[magic]].''' * Whatever you say, Jack. You're the master race. ''[kills a [[Nazi]] soldier]'' * ''[Revealing his true nature to Brenda]'' I am Connor MacLeod of the Clan MacLeod. I was born in [[1518]] in the village of Glenfinnan on the shores of Loch Shiel. And I am [[immortal]]. * ''[After killing the Kurgan, and about to receive The Prize]'' There can be only one. * I'm sorry I called your wife a bloated warthog ''[snickers]'' and I bid you good day. == Ramírez == * '''When only a few of us are left, we will feel an irresistible pull towards a far away land, to fight for The Prize. * '''Sometimes, Macleod… the sharpest blade is not enough''' * '''You cannot [[die]], MacLeod. Accept it!''' * Crude and slow, clansman. Your attack was no better than that of a clumsy child! * '''Don't lose your temper.''' If your head comes away from your neck, it's over. * ''[Explaining the rules of The Game]'' '''We must [[fight]] until only [[one]] remains.''' You are safe only on Holy Ground. None of us will violate that [[rule]]. It's [[tradition]]. * ''[Explaining how one fights the Kurgan]'' With heart, faith and steel. * ''[While fighting the Kurgan]'' My cut has improved your voice! == The Kurgan == * Hello, pretty... * Nuns. No sense of humor. * I have something to say: it's better to burn out than to fade away! == Dialogue == [[file:Espada Toledo Salamanca.jpg|thumb|alt=A sword is arranged in a glass case in a museum next to other antique weapons|It's a Toledo Salamanca broadsword, worth about a million bucks.]] :''['''Connor''' is in a police interrogation room, being observed by Sergeant '''Garfield''' and Detective '''Bedsoe'''. '''Garfield''' is eyeing '''Connor''' up. '''Connor''' knows this, and stares into '''Garfield''''s eyes. '''Garfield''' looks unnerved. Detective Lieutenant '''Moran''' walks in, with a mug of coffee in one hand, a [[sword]] wrapped in plastic in the other, and a red file under his arm with the sword. He sets the mug on the desk, sets everything else on the desk too, and sits down opposite '''Connor''', who looks at him.]'' :'''Moran''': ''[Opening the folder, taking out a black-and-white photograph of a man and setting it so '''Connor''' can see it]'' You ever see this guy before, Nash? :''['''Connor''' briefly looks at the photograph, then shakes his head.]'' :'''Moran''': His name's Vasilek, Polish national. Had his head chopped off in New Jersey two nights ago. You ever get over to New Jersey, Nash? :'''Connor''': Not if I can help it. :'''Garfield''': You talk funny, Nash. Where're you from? :'''Connor''': ''[To Garfield]'' Lots of different places. :'''Moran''': You're an antique dealer, right? :'''Connor''': Yes. :'''Moran''': Okay... ''[He reaches for the sword and brings it onto the table]'' ...what's that? :''['''Connor''' leans over to have a look at the sword.]'' :'''Connor''': ''[Almost sarcastically]'' A sword? :'''Garfield''': Wise up, smart-ass. ''[Connor shoots him a dirty look as he leans back.]'' :'''Moran''': It's a Toledo Salamanca broadsword, worth about a million bucks. :'''Connor''': So? :'''Moran''': So you wanna hear a theory? :'''Connor''': Yes. :'''Moran''': You were down that garage to buy this sword from that guy, whatshisname? :'''Connor''': I don't know, you tell me. :'''Moran''': Okay, his is Iman Fasil. You fought about the price and cut off his head. :'''Connor''': ''[Laughs briefly]'' Wanna hear another theory? This Fasil was so upset about the lousy wrestling tonight, he went down to the garage and in a fit of depression, cut off his own head. :''[Bedsoe laughs.]'' :'''Moran''': That's not funny, Walt. :'''Garfield''': You a [[gay|faggot]], Nash? :'''Connor''': Why, Garfield? You cruising for a piece of ass? :'''Garfield''': ''[Walks over to Connor]'' I'll tell you what happened, Russell. You went down to the garage for a blowjob, and just didn't wanna pay for it. :'''Connor''': ''[Laughs briefly]'' You ''are'' sick. ''[Garfield punches him in the face. Connor recoils, then jumps out his chair, knocks it over, and races straight into Garfield, rugby-tackling him and driving him directly into the wall.]'' :'''Moran''': Hey, hey! HEY! STOP THAT! :'''Bedsoe''': What you doing? :''[The rooms outside the interrogation room stop work, because the other civilians have seen what's happening, and are cheering.]'' :'''Bedsoe''': ''[On Connor's right arm]'' What are you, crazy?! ''[Connor shoves him away, with such a force that knocks him to the floor and sliding across it, to the opposite wall.]'' :'''Moran''': ''[Angrily]'' BREAK IT UP! ''[Interposes himself between Connor and Garfield]'' That's enough! That's it! CUT IT OUT! :'''Connor''': ''[Walking over to the desk]'' Am I under arrest? :'''Moran''': Not yet. :'''Connor''': Then we're through. ''[He prepares to leave the interrogation room.]'' :'''Moran''': Hey! We're just getting started. :''[Connor leaves the interrogation room. The civilians are all cheering him, especially the ladies.]'' <hr width="50%"/> [[file:Haggis.JPG|thumb|alt=haggis on a platter|Sheep's stomach, stuffed with meat and barley.]] :'''Connor''': ''[during a training exercise in a boat]'' You look like a woman, you stupid haggis! :'''Ramírez''': Haggis? What is haggis? :'''Connor''': Sheep's stomach, stuffed with meat and barley. :'''Ramírez''': ''[confusedly]'' And what do you do with it? :'''Connor''': You eat it! :'''Ramírez''': ''[grimacing]'' That's revolting!! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ramírez:''' Never overextend your thrust. You are vulnerable... and off balance! :''[MacLeod stumbles to his knees while Ramírez places his blade on his neck. MacLeod's wife, Heather, laughs at the scene.]'' :'''MacLeod:''' Heather, please! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After an intense battle, the Kurgan impales Ramírez on his sword]'' :'''Kurgan''': ''[repeating Ramírez's earlier taunt]'' "It hurts?" ''[glances down at Heather]'' Who is the woman? :'''Ramírez''': ''[grunts in pain]'' She's mine. :'''Kurgan''': Ah, not for much longer! ''[Ramírez spits in Kurgan's face, and he angrily pulls the sword out]'' Tonight, you sleep in Hell! There can be only one! ''[beheads Ramírez]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Heather''': My beautiful man...my husband. :'''MacLeod''': I am that, my love. :'''Heather''': I've never really known... :'''MacLeod''': What? :'''Heather''': Why you stayed. :'''MacLeod''': Because I love you as much now as the first day we met :'''Heather''': And I love you. I don't want to die. I want to stay with you...forever. :'''MacLeod''': I want that, too. :'''Heather''': Will you do something for me, Connor? :'''MacLeod''': What, blossom? :'''Heather''': In the years to come, will you light a candle and remember me on my birthday? :'''MacLeod''': Aye, love. I will. :'''Heather''': I wanted to have your children. :'''MacLeod''': They would have been strong, and fine. :'''Heather''': Don't see me, Connor. ''[Heather hides her face.]'' Let me die in peace...where are we? :'''MacLeod''': We're in the Highlands. Where else? Darting down the mountainside, the sun is shining. It's not cold. You've got your sheepskins on...''[MacLeod looks to see Heather dead in his arms, having peacefully passed]'' ...and the boots I made for you. :''[We see Connor bury Heather later that day, and then leave Heather's grave-marker.]'' :'''MacLeod''': Good night, my bonny Heather. <hr width="50%"/> :'''SS-Officer''': [''in German''] You should be dead! :'''MacLeod''': Move! :'''SS-Officer''': [''in German''] No! First you'll have to shoot me! :'''MacLeod''': [''laughs hoarsely''] Whatever you say, Jack. You're the master race. ''[Shoots him dead; to Rachel]'' Let's go! ''[They run out]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[MacLeod is inside a church, possibly in the Catholic denomination, very large interior, decorated with arches and columns, stained-glass windows and candles, and an altar draped in a purple tablecloth decorated with gold embroidery. He approaches a shrine, possibly dedicated to the Virgin Mary, lights a fresh prayer candle, and places it into one of the shrine's candle holding cups. He then drops to his knees, with his hands in front of the shrine.]'' :'''MacLeod''': ''[Very softly, whispering in some places, and somewhat sadly]'' For you, my bonny Heather. Happy Birthday. And you, Juan Ramirez... [with a near-invisible sense of laughter in his voice, as if remembering funny memories] take care of her, you overdressed haggis. :''[The Kurgan enters the church, as MecLeod is sinking into one of the pews, on his own. As the Kurgan enters, he struts over to the shrine, makes the sign of the cross on his head and chest as Catholics do, puts his hands together as if in prayer, and puts out the prayer candles, including the one MacLeod has just lit. He struts down the aisle and leans over a praying MacLeod.]'' :'''Kurgan''': ''[Placing a hand on MacLeod’s shoulder]'' Kastagir is gone. Only you and I remain. ''[He sits down in the pew behind MacLeod.]'' :'''MacLeod''': ''[Turning round]'' Nice to see you, Kurgan. Who cut your hair? :'''Kurgan''': ''[Looks briefly at his badly-shaved head]'' I am in disguise. This way, no one will recognize me. :'''MacLeod''': ''[Laughs briefly]'' I do. What do you want? :'''Kurgan''': Your head. ''[MacLeod scoffs.]'' And the Prize. Watch... :''[Two nuns walk by.]'' :'''Kurgan''': ''[Leering out of his pew]'' Happy Halloween, ladies! ''[He makes licking gestures with his tongue, and barks at the nuns. The nuns cross themselves, otherwise ignoring him, continuing up the aisle.]'' Nuns. No sense of humor. :'''MacLeod''': ''[Examining the horrible scar on the Kurgan's neck]'' Ramírez's blade did not cut deeply enough. ''[To the Kurgan]'' He was right about you. You're slime. :'''Kurgan''': ''[Loudly]'' Ramírez was an effete snob! He died on his knees. ''[In a bragging sort of manner]'' I took his head and raped his woman before his blood was even cold! ''[MacLeod absorbs the information, turning away. Disturbed people and choirboys start to leave. MacLeod faces the Kurgan again, angry now. The Kurgan realises the truth.]'' I see... Ramírez lied. She was not his woman. She was ''your'' woman, and she never told you. I wonder why? Perhaps I gave her something you never could... ''[MacLeod grabs him by the collar. He looks at MacLeod's hand.]'' ...and secretly, she yearned for my return! ''[He releases himself from MacLeod's grip. He rises, bringing MacLeod up with him.]'' Holy ground, Highlander! Remember what Ramírez taught you. :'''MacLeod''': You can't stay in here forever! :''[The Kurgan sits down in the pew again.]'' :'''Kurgan''': You are weak, Highlander. You will always be weaker than I. :''[MacLeod grabs Kurgan by the throat.]'' :'''MacLeod''': I'll be out front. :''[The Kurgan releases himself from Connor's grip once again.]'' :'''Kurgan''': Goodbye, MacLeod. We will meet soon enough. :''[MacLeod leaves the church. The Kurgan laughs]'' :'''Minister''': ''[Approaching the laughing Kurgan]'' For the love of God! These people are trying to pray. You're disturbing them. :'''Kurgan''': ''[With his hands folded behind his head, and his feet swung up on top of the pew MacLeod was sitting at]'' He cares about these helpless mortals? :'''Priest''': Of course He does. He died for our sins. :'''Kurgan''': That shall be His undoing. ''[He rises from his seat and takes the priest's hand.]'' Father, forgive me. I... am a worm. ''[He stoops, licks the priest's hand, and squeezes it. He prepares to leave, strutting back up the aisle, fastening his jacket, and then turns around.]'' ''[Loudly]'' I have something to say! It's better to burn out than to fade away! ''[He dances out of the church, cackling.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kastagir''': It seems like 100 years. :'''Conner''': It's been 100 years. == Taglines == * He fought his first battle on the Scottish Highlands in [[1536]]. He will fight his greatest battle on the streets of New York City in [[1986]]. His name is Connor MacLeod. He is immortal. * There can be only one. * Don't lose your head. * Tonight they will battle. Tomorrow there will be only one * He was born centuries ago. == Cast == * [[w:Christopher Lambert|Christopher Lambert]] - [[w:Connor MacLeod|Connor MacLeod / Russell Nash]] * [[Sean Connery]] - [[w:Juan Sánchez Villa-Lobos Ramírez|Juan Sánchez Villa-Lobos Ramírez]] * [[Clancy Brown]] - [[w:The Kurgan|The Kurgan / Victor Kruger]] * [[w:Roxanne Hart|Roxanne Hart]] - Brenda Wyatt * [[w:Beatie Edney|Beatie Edney]] - [[w:Heather MacLeod|Heather MacLeod]] * [[w:Alan North|Alan North]] - Lieutenant Frank Moran * [[w:Jon Polito|Jon Polito]] - Detective Walter Bedsoe * [[w:Sheila Gish|Sheila Gish]] - [[w:Rachel Ellenstein|Rachel Ellenstein]] * [[w:Hugh Quarshie|Hugh Quarshie]] - Sunda Kastagir * [[w:Christopher Malcolm|Christopher Malcolm]] - Kirk Matunas * [[w:Peter Diamond (actor)|Peter Diamond]] - Iman Fasil * [[w:Billy Hartman|Billy Hartman]] - Dugal MacLeod * [[w:James Cosmo|James Cosmo]] - Angus MacLeod * [[w:Celia Imrie|Celia Imrie]] - Kate MacLeod == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|id=0091203|title=Highlander}} * {{rotten-tomatoes|id=highlander|title=Highlander}} [[category:1986 films]] [[category:1980s American films]] [[category:British films]] [[category:cult films]] [[category:adventure films]] [[category:fantasy films]] 4ic56sh8uthdmqb70jmqevoeqyzrmna 3778978 3778971 2025-07-15T02:05:08Z 2A00:23C7:8583:8901:5157:8FC5:8DBF:8C56 /* Connor MacLeod */ 3778978 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Highlander (film)|Highlander]]''''' is a [[w:1986 in film|1986 film]] about an [[immortal]] Scottish [[swordsman]] who must confront the last of his immortal opponents, a murderously brutal barbarian who lusts for the fabled "Prize". : Directed by [[w:Russell Mulcahy|Russell Mulcahy]]. Written by [[w:Gregory Widen|Gregory Widen]], Peter Bellwood, and [[w:Larry Ferguson (screenwriter)|Larry Ferguson]].'' {{center|'''There can be only one.''' <small> [[#Taglines|taglines]]</small> }} == Connor MacLeod == [[file:Glenfinnan monument 20211024.jpg|thumb|alt=a tower by a lake in the Scottish Highlands|I was born in [[1518]] in the village of Glenfinnan on the shores of Loch Shiel.]] * ''[MacLeod's unanswered question to Ramírez, when he defeats him for the first time]'' If it came down to just us two, would you take my head? * ''[Surviving being shot by Nazis; explaining to Rachel, then a little girl]'' '''Shh, it's a kind of [[magic]].''' * Whatever you say, Jack. You're the master race. ''[kills a [[Nazi]] soldier]'' * ''[Revealing his true nature to Brenda]'' I am Connor MacLeod of the Clan MacLeod. I was born in [[1518]] in the village of Glenfinnan on the shores of Loch Shiel. And I am [[immortal]]. * ''[After killing the Kurgan, and about to receive The Prize]'' There can be only one. * I'm sorry I called your wife a bloated warthog ''[snickers]'' and I bid you good day. == Ramírez == * '''When only a few of us are left, we will feel an irresistible pull towards a far away land, to fight for The Prize. * '''Sometimes, Macleod… the sharpest blade is not enough''' * '''You cannot [[die]], MacLeod. Accept it!''' * Crude and slow, clansman. Your attack was no better than that of a clumsy child! * '''Don't lose your temper.''' If your head comes away from your neck, it's over. * ''[Explaining the rules of The Game]'' '''We must [[fight]] until only [[one]] remains.''' You are safe only on Holy Ground. None of us will violate that [[rule]]. It's [[tradition]]. * ''[Explaining how one fights the Kurgan]'' With heart, faith and steel. * ''[While fighting the Kurgan]'' My cut has improved your voice! == The Kurgan == * Hello, pretty... * Nuns. No sense of humor. * I have something to say: it's better to burn out than to fade away! == Dialogue == [[file:Espada Toledo Salamanca.jpg|thumb|alt=A sword is arranged in a glass case in a museum next to other antique weapons|It's a Toledo Salamanca broadsword, worth about a million bucks.]] :''['''Connor''' is in a police interrogation room, being observed by Sergeant '''Garfield''' and Detective '''Bedsoe'''. '''Garfield''' is eyeing '''Connor''' up. '''Connor''' knows this, and stares into '''Garfield''''s eyes. '''Garfield''' looks unnerved. Detective Lieutenant '''Moran''' walks in, with a mug of coffee in one hand, a [[sword]] wrapped in plastic in the other, and a red file under his arm with the sword. He sets the mug on the desk, sets everything else on the desk too, and sits down opposite '''Connor''', who looks at him.]'' :'''Moran''': ''[Opening the folder, taking out a black-and-white photograph of a man and setting it so '''Connor''' can see it]'' You ever see this guy before, Nash? :''['''Connor''' briefly looks at the photograph, then shakes his head.]'' :'''Moran''': His name's Vasilek, Polish national. Had his head chopped off in New Jersey two nights ago. You ever get over to New Jersey, Nash? :'''Connor''': Not if I can help it. :'''Garfield''': You talk funny, Nash. Where're you from? :'''Connor''': ''[To Garfield]'' Lots of different places. :'''Moran''': You're an antique dealer, right? :'''Connor''': Yes. :'''Moran''': Okay... ''[He reaches for the sword and brings it onto the table]'' ...what's that? :''['''Connor''' leans over to have a look at the sword.]'' :'''Connor''': ''[Almost sarcastically]'' A sword? :'''Garfield''': Wise up, smart-ass. ''[Connor shoots him a dirty look as he leans back.]'' :'''Moran''': It's a Toledo Salamanca broadsword, worth about a million bucks. :'''Connor''': So? :'''Moran''': So you wanna hear a theory? :'''Connor''': Yes. :'''Moran''': You were down that garage to buy this sword from that guy, whatshisname? :'''Connor''': I don't know, you tell me. :'''Moran''': Okay, his is Iman Fasil. You fought about the price and cut off his head. :'''Connor''': ''[Laughs briefly]'' Wanna hear another theory? This Fasil was so upset about the lousy wrestling tonight, he went down to the garage and in a fit of depression, cut off his own head. :''[Bedsoe laughs.]'' :'''Moran''': That's not funny, Walt. :'''Garfield''': You a [[gay|faggot]], Nash? :'''Connor''': Why, Garfield? You cruising for a piece of ass? :'''Garfield''': ''[Walks over to Connor]'' I'll tell you what happened, Russell. You went down to the garage for a blowjob, and just didn't wanna pay for it. :'''Connor''': ''[Laughs briefly]'' You ''are'' sick. ''[Garfield punches him in the face. Connor recoils, then jumps out his chair, knocks it over, and races straight into Garfield, rugby-tackling him and driving him directly into the wall.]'' :'''Moran''': Hey, hey! HEY! STOP THAT! :'''Bedsoe''': What you doing? :''[The rooms outside the interrogation room stop work, because the other civilians have seen what's happening, and are cheering.]'' :'''Bedsoe''': ''[On Connor's right arm]'' What are you, crazy?! ''[Connor shoves him away, with such a force that knocks him to the floor and sliding across it, to the opposite wall.]'' :'''Moran''': ''[Angrily]'' BREAK IT UP! ''[Interposes himself between Connor and Garfield]'' That's enough! That's it! CUT IT OUT! :'''Connor''': ''[Walking over to the desk]'' Am I under arrest? :'''Moran''': Not yet. :'''Connor''': Then we're through. ''[He prepares to leave the interrogation room.]'' :'''Moran''': Hey! We're just getting started. :''[Connor leaves the interrogation room. The civilians are all cheering him, especially the ladies.]'' <hr width="50%"/> [[file:Haggis.JPG|thumb|alt=haggis on a platter|Sheep's stomach, stuffed with meat and barley.]] :'''Connor''': ''[during a training exercise in a boat]'' You look like a woman, you stupid haggis! :'''Ramírez''': Haggis? What is haggis? :'''Connor''': Sheep's stomach, stuffed with meat and barley. :'''Ramírez''': ''[confusedly]'' And what do you do with it? :'''Connor''': You eat it! :'''Ramírez''': ''[grimacing]'' That's revolting!! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ramírez:''' Never overextend your thrust. You are vulnerable... and off balance! :''[MacLeod stumbles to his knees while Ramírez places his blade on his neck. MacLeod's wife, Heather, laughs at the scene.]'' :'''MacLeod:''' Heather, please! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After an intense battle, the Kurgan impales Ramírez on his sword]'' :'''Kurgan''': ''[repeating Ramírez's earlier taunt]'' "It hurts?" ''[glances down at Heather]'' Who is the woman? :'''Ramírez''': ''[grunts in pain]'' She's mine. :'''Kurgan''': Ah, not for much longer! ''[Ramírez spits in Kurgan's face, and he angrily pulls the sword out]'' Tonight, you sleep in Hell! There can be only one! ''[beheads Ramírez]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Heather''': My beautiful man...my husband. :'''MacLeod''': I am that, my love. :'''Heather''': I've never really known... :'''MacLeod''': What? :'''Heather''': Why you stayed. :'''MacLeod''': Because I love you as much now as the first day we met :'''Heather''': And I love you. I don't want to die. I want to stay with you...forever. :'''MacLeod''': I want that, too. :'''Heather''': Will you do something for me, Connor? :'''MacLeod''': What, blossom? :'''Heather''': In the years to come, will you light a candle and remember me on my birthday? :'''MacLeod''': Aye, love. I will. :'''Heather''': I wanted to have your children. :'''MacLeod''': They would have been strong, and fine. :'''Heather''': Don't see me, Connor. ''[Heather hides her face.]'' Let me die in peace...where are we? :'''MacLeod''': We're in the Highlands. Where else? Darting down the mountainside, the sun is shining. It's not cold. You've got your sheepskins on...''[MacLeod looks to see Heather dead in his arms, having peacefully passed]'' ...and the boots I made for you. :''[We see Connor bury Heather later that day, and then leave Heather's grave-marker.]'' :'''MacLeod''': Good night, my bonny Heather. <hr width="50%"/> :'''SS-Officer''': [''in German''] You should be dead! :'''MacLeod''': Move! :'''SS-Officer''': [''in German''] No! First you'll have to shoot me! :'''MacLeod''': [''laughs hoarsely''] Whatever you say, Jack. You're the master race. ''[Shoots him dead; to Rachel]'' Let's go! ''[They run out]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[MacLeod is inside a church, possibly in the Catholic denomination, very large interior, decorated with arches and columns, stained-glass windows and candles, and an altar draped in a purple tablecloth decorated with gold embroidery. He approaches a shrine, possibly dedicated to the Virgin Mary, lights a fresh prayer candle, and places it into one of the shrine's candle holding cups. He then drops to his knees, with his hands in front of the shrine.]'' :'''MacLeod''': ''[Very softly, whispering in some places, and somewhat sadly]'' For you, my bonny Heather. Happy Birthday. And you, Juan Ramirez... [with a near-invisible sense of laughter in his voice, as if remembering funny memories] take care of her, you overdressed haggis. :''[The Kurgan enters the church, as MecLeod is sinking into one of the pews, on his own. As the Kurgan enters, he struts over to the shrine, makes the sign of the cross on his head and chest as Catholics do, puts his hands together as if in prayer, and puts out the prayer candles, including the one MacLeod has just lit. He struts down the aisle and leans over a praying MacLeod.]'' :'''Kurgan''': ''[Placing a hand on MacLeod’s shoulder]'' Kastagir is gone. Only you and I remain. ''[He sits down in the pew behind MacLeod.]'' :'''MacLeod''': ''[Turning round]'' Nice to see you, Kurgan. Who cut your hair? :'''Kurgan''': ''[Looks briefly at his badly-shaved head]'' I am in disguise. This way, no one will recognize me. :'''MacLeod''': ''[Laughs briefly]'' I do. What do you want? :'''Kurgan''': Your head. ''[MacLeod scoffs.]'' And the Prize. Watch... :''[Two nuns walk by.]'' :'''Kurgan''': ''[Leering out of his pew]'' Happy Halloween, ladies! ''[He makes licking gestures with his tongue, and barks at the nuns. The nuns cross themselves, otherwise ignoring him, continuing up the aisle.]'' Nuns. No sense of humor. :'''MacLeod''': ''[Examining the horrible scar on the Kurgan's neck]'' Ramírez's blade did not cut deeply enough. ''[To the Kurgan]'' He was right about you. You're slime. :'''Kurgan''': ''[Loudly]'' Ramírez was an effete snob! He died on his knees. ''[In a bragging sort of manner]'' I took his head and raped his woman before his blood was even cold! ''[MacLeod absorbs the information, turning away. Disturbed people and choirboys start to leave. MacLeod faces the Kurgan again, angry now. The Kurgan realises the truth.]'' I see... Ramírez lied. She was not his woman. She was ''your'' woman, and she never told you. I wonder why? Perhaps I gave her something you never could... ''[MacLeod grabs him by the collar. He looks at MacLeod's hand.]'' ...and secretly, she yearned for my return! ''[He releases himself from MacLeod's grip. He rises, bringing MacLeod up with him.]'' Holy ground, Highlander! Remember what Ramírez taught you. :'''MacLeod''': You can't stay in here forever! :''[The Kurgan sits down in the pew again.]'' :'''Kurgan''': You are weak, Highlander. You will always be weaker than I. :''[MacLeod grabs Kurgan by the throat.]'' :'''MacLeod''': I'll be out front. :''[The Kurgan releases himself from Connor's grip once again.]'' :'''Kurgan''': Goodbye, MacLeod. We will meet soon enough. :''[MacLeod leaves the church. The Kurgan laughs]'' :'''Minister''': ''[Approaching the laughing Kurgan]'' For the love of God! These people are trying to pray. You're disturbing them. :'''Kurgan''': ''[With his hands folded behind his head, and his feet swung up on top of the pew MacLeod was sitting at]'' He cares about these helpless mortals? :'''Priest''': Of course He does. He died for our sins. :'''Kurgan''': That shall be His undoing. ''[He rises from his seat and takes the priest's hand.]'' Father, forgive me. I... am a worm. ''[He stoops, licks the priest's hand, and squeezes it. He prepares to leave, strutting back up the aisle, fastening his jacket, and then turns around.]'' ''[Loudly]'' I have something to say! It's better to burn out than to fade away! ''[He dances out of the church, cackling.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kastagir''': It seems like 100 years. :'''Conner''': It's been 100 years. == Taglines == * He fought his first battle on the Scottish Highlands in [[1536]]. He will fight his greatest battle on the streets of New York City in [[1986]]. His name is Connor MacLeod. He is immortal. * There can be only one. * Don't lose your head. * Tonight they will battle. Tomorrow there will be only one * He was born centuries ago. == Cast == * [[w:Christopher Lambert|Christopher Lambert]] - [[w:Connor MacLeod|Connor MacLeod / Russell Nash]] * [[Sean Connery]] - [[w:Juan Sánchez Villa-Lobos Ramírez|Juan Sánchez Villa-Lobos Ramírez]] * [[Clancy Brown]] - [[w:The Kurgan|The Kurgan / Victor Kruger]] * [[w:Roxanne Hart|Roxanne Hart]] - Brenda Wyatt * [[w:Beatie Edney|Beatie Edney]] - [[w:Heather MacLeod|Heather MacLeod]] * [[w:Alan North|Alan North]] - Lieutenant Frank Moran * [[w:Jon Polito|Jon Polito]] - Detective Walter Bedsoe * [[w:Sheila Gish|Sheila Gish]] - [[w:Rachel Ellenstein|Rachel Ellenstein]] * [[w:Hugh Quarshie|Hugh Quarshie]] - Sunda Kastagir * [[w:Christopher Malcolm|Christopher Malcolm]] - Kirk Matunas * [[w:Peter Diamond (actor)|Peter Diamond]] - Iman Fasil * [[w:Billy Hartman|Billy Hartman]] - Dugal MacLeod * [[w:James Cosmo|James Cosmo]] - Angus MacLeod * [[w:Celia Imrie|Celia Imrie]] - Kate MacLeod == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|id=0091203|title=Highlander}} * {{rotten-tomatoes|id=highlander|title=Highlander}} [[category:1986 films]] [[category:1980s American films]] [[category:British films]] [[category:cult films]] [[category:adventure films]] [[category:fantasy films]] 9dar1w6tvqybyfi73iopmhqkyoshqby 1 13030 3779051 1522136 2025-07-15T09:37:24Z 217.23.235.179 3779051 wikitext text/x-wiki The ''--[[Special:Contributions/217.23.235.179|217.23.235.179]] 09:37, 15 July 2025 (UTC)Italic text--[[Special:Contributions/217.23.235.179|217.23.235.179]] 09:37, 15 July 2025 (UTC)--[[Special:Contributions/217.23.235.179|217.23.235.179]] 09:37, 15 July 2025 (UTC)--[[Special:Contributions/217.23.235.179|217.23.235.179]] 09:37, 15 July 2025 (UTC)<nowiki><br> Insert non-formatted text here<big><small>Big text</small><small>Small text</small></big></nowiki>''link sends one to the article "Macbeth", which again says, hat it was moved to the page. The link though should send you to "The Tragedy of Macbeth". How can the interwiki be corrected? Or Source-"Macbeth" page become a redirect to "The Tragedy of Macbeth"? [[User:Genesis2093|Genesis2093]] 12:31, 11 September 2001 (UTC) k7a7o28ueh1ai1bw3sx8tt1dz03n9ng 0 13091 3778506 3688056 2025-07-14T12:29:42Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Architects]]; added [[Category:Architects from England]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778506 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:George Frederic Watts portrait of William Morris 1870 v2.jpg|thumb|right|I determined to do no less than to [[transform]] the [[world]] with [[Beauty]]. If I have succeeded in some small way, if only in one small corner of the world, amongst the men and women I [[love]], then I shall count myself [[blessed]], and blessed, and blessed, and the [[work]] goes on...]] [[File:Wmmorris3248.jpg|thumb|right|Have [[nothing]] in your houses that you do not [[know]] to be useful, or [[believe]] to be [[beautiful]].]] [[File:May Morris Kelmscott Manor.jpg|thumb|right|[[Beauty]] … is, I contend, no mere accident to [[human]] [[life]], which people can take or leave as they choose, but a positive [[necessity]] of life.]] [[File:Stillman kelmscott.jpg|thumb|right|[[Simplicity]] of [[life]], even the barest, is not a [[misery]], but the very foundation of refinement...]] '''{{w|William Morris}}''' (24 March 1834&nbsp;– 3 October 1896) was a British textile designer, poet, novelist, translator, and [[socialist]] activist associated with the British {{w|Arts and Crafts Movement}}. == Quotes == [[File:William morris self-portrait 1856.jpg|thumb|right|So long as the [[system]] of [[competition]] in the production and exchange of the means of [[life]] goes on, the degradation of the [[arts]] will go on.]] [[File:William Morris age 53.jpg|thumb|right|Wert thou more fickle than the restless [[sea]], <br> Still should I [[love]] thee, [[knowing]] thee for such…]] [[File:LL Pocock The Pond at William Morris's Works at Merton.jpg|thumb|right|From out the throng and stress of lies, From out the painful noise of sighs, One [[voice]] of [[comfort]] seems to rise: "It is the meaner part that [[dies]].]] *“Came Launcelot walking; this is true, the kiss <br> Wherewith we kissed in meeting that spring day, <br> I scare dare talk of that remembered bliss.” ** “The Defence of Guenevere”, in ''The Defence of Guenevere, and other Poems''. London, Bell and Daldy, 1858. * Had she come all the way for this, <br>To part at last without a kiss? <br> Yea, had she borne the dirt and rain <br>That her own eyes might see him slain <br> Beside the haystack in the floods? ** “The Haystack in the Floods”, in ''The Defence of Guenevere'', and other Poems. London, Bell and Daldy, 1858. * '''If you want a golden [[rule]] that will fit everybody, this is it: Have [[nothing]] in your houses that you do not [[know]] to be useful, or [[believe]] to be [[beautiful]].''' ** "The Beauty of Life," a lecture before the Birmingham Society of Arts and School of Design (19 February 1880), later published in ''Hopes and Fears for Art: Five Lectures Delivered in Birmingham, London, and Nottingham, 1878 - 1881'' (1882). * '''Beauty, which is what is meant by [[art]], using the [[word]] in its widest sense, is, I contend, no mere accident to [[human]] [[life]], which people can take or leave as they choose, but a positive [[necessity]] of life.''' ** ''The Beauty of Life'' (1880). * The greatest foe to art is luxury, art cannot live in its atmosphere. ** ''The Beauty of Life'' (1880). * '''[[Simplicity]] of life, even the barest, is not a [[misery]], but the very foundation of refinement''': a sanded floor and whitewashed walls, and the green trees, and flowery meads, and living waters outside; or a grimy palace amid the smoke with a regiment of housemaids always working to smear the dirt together so that it may be unnoticed; which, think you, is the most refined, the most fit for a gentleman of those two dwellings? <br> '''So I say, if you cannot learn to love real art; at least learn to hate sham art and reject it.''' It is not because the wretched thing is so ugly and silly and useless that I ask you to cast it from you; it is much more because these are but the outward symbols of the poison that lies within them; look through them and see all that has gone to their fashioning, and you will see how vain labour, and sorrow, and disgrace have been their companions from the first — and all this for trifles that no man really needs! ** Speech, London (10 March 1880) * '''I love art, and I love history, but it is living art and living history that I love...''' It is in the interest of living art and living history that I oppose so-called restoration. What history can there be in a building bedaubed with ornament, which cannot at the best be anything but a hopeless and lifeless imitation of the hope and vigour of the earlier world? ** "The History of Pattern-Designing" lecture (1882) ''The Collected Works of William Morris'' (1910 - 1915) Vol. 22 * '''So long as the [[system]] of [[competition]] in the production and exchange of the means of life goes on, the degradation of the arts will go on'''; and if that system is to last for ever, then art is doomed, and will surely die; that is to say, civilization will die. ** "Art Under Plutocracy" (1883) * What shall I say concerning its mastery of and its waste of mechanical power, its commonwealth so poor, its enemies of the commonwealth so rich, its stupendous organization — for the misery of life! '''Its contempt of simple pleasures which everyone could enjoy but for its folly? Its eyeless vulgarity which has destroyed art, the one certain solace of labour?''' All this I felt then as now, but I did not know why it was so. '''The hope of the past times was gone, the struggles of mankind for many ages had produced nothing but this sordid, aimless, ugly confusion.''' **''Why I Am A Socialist'' (1884) * ...what I mean by Socialism is a condition of society in which there should be neither rich nor poor, neither master nor master's man, neither idle nor overworked, neither brain­slack brain workers, nor heart­sick hand workers, in a word, in which all men would be living in equality of condition, and would manage their affairs unwastefully, and with the full consciousness that harm to one would mean harm to all—the realisation at last of the meaning of the word ''commonwealth''. **''Why I Am A Socialist'' (1884) *On the fall of [[w:Chartism|Chartism]], the [[w:Liberal Party (UK)|Liberal party]]—which as an engine of progress was a party without principles or definition, but has been used as a thoroughly adequate expression of English middle-class hypocrisy, cowardice, and short-sightedness—engrossed the whole of the political progressive movement in England, and dragged the working classes along with it, blind as they were to their own interests and the solidarity of labour. **''Socialism: Its Growth & Outcome'', co-authored with E. Belfort Bax (1893), pp. 182-183 * '''With the arrogance of youth, I determined to do no less than to transform the world with Beauty. If I have succeeded in some small way, if only in one small corner of the world, amongst the men and women I love, then I shall count myself blessed, and blessed, and blessed, and the work goes on.''' ** As quoted in ''William Morris & Red House'' (2005) by Jan Marsh, p. 65. * Pray but one prayer for me 'twixt thy closed lips, <br> Think but one thought of me up in the stars. ** "Summer Dawn". * '''Wert thou more fickle than the restless sea, <br> Still should I love thee, knowing thee for such.''' ** ''Life and Death of Jason'', Book ix, reported in ''Bartlett's Familiar Quotations'', 10th ed. (1919). * The majesty <br> That from man's soul looks through his eager eyes. ** ''Life and Death of Jason'', Book xiii, reported in ''Bartlett's Familiar Quotations'', 10th ed. (1919). * Now such an one for daughter Creon had <br> As maketh wise men fools and young men mad. ** ''Life and Death of Jason'', Book xvii, reported in ''Bartlett's Familiar Quotations'', 10th ed. (1919). * O thrush, your song is passing sweet <br> But never a song that you have sung, <br> Is half so sweet as thrushes sang <br> When my dear Love and I were young. ** ''Other Days'', reported in ''Bartlett's Familiar Quotations'', 10th ed. (1919). * '''From out the throng and stress of lies, <br> From out the painful noise of sighs, <br> One voice of comfort seems to rise: <br> "It is the meaner part that dies."''' ** "Comfort". === ''The Earthly Paradise'' (1868-70) === [[File:Cosmo Rowe portrait of William Morris.jpg|thumb|right|Stretch forth your open [[hands]], and while ye [[live]] <br> Take [[all]] the [[gifts]] that [[Death]] and [[Life]] may give!]] [[File:Frederick Hollyer Burne-Jones and Morris 1890.jpg|thumb|right|Dreamer of [[dreams]], born out of my due [[time]], <br> Why should I strive to set the crooked straight?]] *'''Masters, I have to tell a [[tale]] of woe, <br> A tale of [[folly]] and of wasted [[life]]''', <br> [[Hope]] against hope, the bitter dregs of strife, <br> '''Ending, where all things [[end]], in [[death]] at last.''' ** Introductory verse. * I too <br> Will go, remembering what I said to you, <br> When any land, the first to which we came <br> Seemed that we sought, and set your hearts aflame, <br> And all seemed won to you: but '''still I think, <br> Perchance years hence, the fount of life to drink, <br> Unless by some ill chance I first am slain. <br> But boundless risk must pay for boundless gain.''' ** "Prologue : The Wanderers"; the last line here may be related to far older expressions such as: "Naught venture, naught have" by [[Thomas Tusser]]. *Slayer of the Winter, art thou here again? <br> O welcome, thou that bring'st the Summer nigh! <br> The bitter wind makes not thy victory vain, <br> Nor will we mock thee for thy faint blue sky. ** "March". * '''Rejoice, lest pleasureless ye die.''' <br> Within a little time must ye go by. <br> '''Stretch forth your open [[hands]], and while ye [[live]] <br> Take [[all] the [[gifts]] that [[Death]] and [[Life]] may give!''' ** "March". *Forgetfulness of [[grief]] I yet may gain; <br> In some wise may come ending to my [[pain]]; <br> '''It may be yet the [[Gods]] will have me glad! <br> Yet, [[Love]], I would that thee and pain I had!''' ** "The Death of Paris". * [[Earth]], left silent by the wind of night, <br> Seems shrunken 'neath the gray unmeasured height. ** "December". * Late February days; and now, at last, <br> Might you have thought that Winter's woe was past; <br> So fair the sky was and so soft the air. ** "February". * A world made to be lost, — <br> A bitter life 'twixt pain and nothing tost. ** "The Hill of Venus". *'''To happy folk <br> All heaviest words no more of meaning bear <br> Than far-off bells saddening the Summer air.''' ** "The Hill of Venus". ==== Apology ==== * '''Of [[Heaven]] or [[Hell]] I have no [[power]] to [[sing]], <br> I cannot ease the burden of your fears, <br> Or make quick-coming [[death]] a little thing, <br> Or bring again the [[pleasure]] of past years, <br> Nor for my [[words]] shall ye forget your [[tears]], <br> Or [[hope]] again for aught that I can say, <br> The idle [[singer]] of an empty day.''' * The heavy trouble, the bewildering care <br> That weighs us down who live and earn our bread, <br> These idle verses have no power to bear; <br> So let em sing of names rememberèd, <br> Because they, living not, can ne'er be dead, <br> Or long time take their memory quite away <br> From us poor singers of an empty day. * '''Dreamer of [[dreams]], born out of my due [[time]], <br> Why should I strive to set the crooked straight?''' <br> Let it suffice me that my murmuring rhyme <br> Beats with light wing against the ivory gate, <br> Telling a tale not too importunate <br> To those who in the sleepy region stay, <br> Lulled by the singer of an empty day. * Folk say, a wizard to a northern king <br> At Christmas-tide such wondrous things did show, <br> That through one window men beheld the spring, <br> And through another saw the summer glow, <br> And through a third the fruited vines a-row, <br> While still, unheard, but in its wonted way, <br> Piped the drear wind of that December day. <br> '''So with this Earthly Paradise it is, <br> If ye will read aright, and pardon me, <br> Who strive to build a shadowy isle of bliss <br> Midmost the beating of the steely sea, <br> Where tossed about all hearts of men must be; <br> Whose ravening monsters mighty men shall slay, <br> Not the poor singer of an empty day.''' ==== The Lady of the Land ==== * '''It happened once, some men of Italy <br> Midst the Greek Islands went a sea-roving, <br> And much good fortune had they on the sea''': <br> Of many a man they had the ransoming, <br> And many a chain they gat and goodly thing; <br> And midst their voyage to an isle they came, <br> Whereof my story keepeth not the name. * One was there who left all his friends behind; <br> Who going inland ever more and more, <br> And being left quite alone, at last did find <br> A lonely valley sheltered from the wind, <br> Wherein, amidst an ancient cypress wood, <br> A long-deserted ruined castle stood. * Noble the house was, nor seemed built for war, <br> But rather like the work of other days, <br> When men, in better peace than now they are, <br> Had leisure on the world around to gaze, <br> And noted well the past times' changing ways; <br> '''And fair with sculptured stories it was wrought, <br> By lapse of time unto dim ruin brought.''' * But taking note of these things, at the last <br> The mariner beneath the gateway passed. <br> And there a lovely cloistered court he found, <br> A fountain in the mist o'erthrown and dry, <br> And in the cloister briers twining round <br> The slender shafts; the wondrous imagery <br> Outworn by more than many years gone by; <br> Because '''the country people, in their fear <br> Of wizardry, had wrought destruction here, <br> And piteously these fair things had been maimed'''; <br> There stood great Jove, lacking his head of might; <br> Here was the archer, swift Apollo, lamed; <br> The shapely limbs of Venus hid from sight <br> By weeds and shards; Diana's ankles light <br> Bound with the cable of some coasting ship; <br> And rusty nails through Helen's maddening lip. * And there he saw a door within the wall, <br> Well-hinged, close shut; nor was there in that place <br> Another on its hinges, therefore he <br> Stood there and pondered for a little space <br> And thought: "'''Perchance some marvel I shall see''', <br> For surely here some dweller there must be, <br> Because this door seems whole and new and sound, <br> While nought but ruin I can see around". * No pillager or wrecker had been there; <br> It seemed that time had passed on otherwhere, <br> Nor laid a finger on this hidden place <br> Rich with the wealth of some forgotten race. * The wanderer trembled when he saw all this, <br> Because he deemed by magic it was wrought; <br> Yet in his heart a longing for some bliss <br> Whereof the hard and changing world knows nought, <br> Arose and urged him on, and dimmed the thought <br> That there perchance some devil lurked to slay <br> The heedless wanderer from the light of day * '''Upon the floor uncounted medals lay <br> Like things of little value'''; here and there <br> Stood golden caldrons, that might well outweigh <br> The biggest midst an emperor's copper-ware, <br> And golden cups were set on tables fair, <br> Themselves of gold; and in all hollow things <br> Were stored great gems, worthy the crowns of kings. * And then the image, that well-nigh erased <br> Over the castle-gate he did behold, <br> Above a door well wrought in coloured gold <br> Again he saw; a naked girl with wings <br> Enfolded in a serpent's scaly rings. * There sat a woman, whose wet tresses rolled <br> On to the floor in waves of gleaming gold, <br> Cast back from such a form as, erewhile shown <br> To one poor shepherd, lighted up Troy town. * "'''Alas, alas! another day gone by, <br> Another day and no soul come'''," she said; <br> "Another year, and still I am not dead!" <br> And with that word once more her head she raised, <br> And on the trembling man with great eyes gazed. * "What man art thou that thus hast wandered here, <br> And found this lonely chamber where I dwell? <br> '''Beware, beware! for I have many a spell; <br> If greed of power and gold have led thee on, <br> Not lightly shall this untold wealth be won.''' <br> But if thou com'st here knowing of my tale, <br> In hope to bear away my body fair, <br> '''Stout must thine heart be, nor shall that avail <br> If thou a wicked soul in thee dost bear; <br> So once again I bid thee to beware, <br> Because no base man things like this may see, <br> And live thereafter long and happily.'''" * From those thy words, I deem from some distress <br> By deeds of mine thy dear life I might save; <br> O then, delay not! if one ever gave <br> His life to any, mine I give to thee; <br> Come, tell me what the price of love must be? <br> Swift death, to be with thee a day and night <br> And with the earliest dawning to be slain? <br> Or better, a long year of great delight, <br> And many years of misery and pain? <br> Or worse, and this poor hour for all my gain? <br> '''A sorry merchant am I on this day, <br> E'en as thou willest so must I obey.''' * "God grant indeed thy words are not for nought! <br> Then shalt thou save me, since for many a day <br> To such a dreadful life I have been brought: <br> Nor will I spare with all my heart to pay <br> What man soever takes my grief away; <br> Ah! I will love thee, if thou lovest me <br> But well enough my saviour now to be. * A queen I was, what Gods I knew I loved, <br> And nothing evil was there in my thought, <br> And yet by love my wretched heart was moved <br> Until to utter ruin I was brought! <br> Alas! thou sayest our gods were vain and nought, <br> '''Wait, wait, till thou hast heard this tale of mine, <br> Then shalt thou think them devilish or divine.''' * For Queen Diana did my body change <br> Into a fork-tongued dragon flesh and fell, <br> And through the island nightly do I range, <br> Or in the green sea mate with monsters strange, <br> When in the middle of the moonlit night <br> The sleepy mariner I do affright. * Drowsy I lie, no folk at my command, <br> Who once was called the Lady of the Land; <br> Who might have bought a kingdom with a kiss, <br> Yea, half the world with such a sight as this. * "Wilt thou not save me? once in every year <br> This rightful form of mine that thou dost see <br> By favour of the Goddess have I here <br> From sunrise unto sunset given me, <br> That some brave man may end my misery. <br> And thou — art thou not brave? can thy heart fail, <br> Whose eyes e'en now are weeping at my tale? * Then listen! when this day is overpast, <br> A fearful monster shall I be again, <br> And thou mayst be my saviour at the last, <br> Unless, once more, thy words are nought and vain. <br> If thou of love and sovereignty art fain, <br> Come thou next morn, and when thou seest here <br> A hideous dragon, have thereof no fear, <br> But take the loathsome head up in thine hands <br> And kiss it, and be master presently <br> Of twice the wealth that is in all the lands <br> From Cathay to the head of Italy; <br> And master also, if it pleaseth thee, <br> Of all thou praisest as so fresh and bright, <br> Of what thou callest crown of all delight. <br> Ah! with what joy then shall I see again <br> The sunlight on the green grass and the trees, <br> And hear the clatter of the summer rain, <br> And see the joyous folk beyond the seas. <br> Ah, me! to hold my child upon my knees <br> After the weeping of unkindly tears <br> And all the wrongs of these four hundred years. <br> Go now, go quick! leave this grey heap of stone; <br> And from thy glad heart think upon thy way, <br> How I shall love thee — yea, love thee alone, <br> That bringest me from dark death unto day; <br> For this shall be thy wages and thy pay; <br> '''Unheard-of wealth, unheard-of love is near, <br> If thou hast heart a little dread to bear.''' * "'''Ah! wilt thou leave me then without one kiss, <br> To slay the very seeds of fear and doubt, <br> That glad to-morrow may bring certain bliss?''' <br> Hast thou forgotten how love lives by this, <br> The memory of some hopeful close embrace, <br> Low whispered words within some lonely place?" * So on he went, and on the way he thought <br> Of all the glorious things of yesterday, <br> Nought of the price whereat they must be bought, <br> But ever to himself did softly say <br> "'''No roaming now, my wars are passed away, <br> No long dull days devoid of happiness, <br> When such a love my yearning heart shall bless.'''" * A fearful thing stood at the cloister's end <br> And eyed him for a while, then 'gan to wend <br> Adown the cloisters, and began again <br> That rattling, and the moan like fiends in pain. <br> And as it came on towards him, with its teeth <br> The body of a slain goat did it tear, <br> The blood whereof in its hot jaws did seethe, <br> And on its tongue he saw the smoking hair; <br> Then his heart sank, and standing trembling there, <br> Throughout his mind wild thoughts and fearful ran: <br> "Some fiend she was," he said, "the bane of man." <br> Yet he abode her still, although his blood <br> Curdled within him: the thing dropped the goat, <br> And creeping on, came close to where he stood, <br> And raised its head to him and wrinkled throat. <br> Then he cried out and wildly at her smote, <br> Shutting his eyes, and turned and from the place <br> Ran swiftly, with a white and ghastly face. * '''Meanwhile the dragon, seeing him clean gone, <br> Followed him not, but crying horribly, <br> Caught up within her jaws a block of stone <br> And ground it into powder, then turned she, <br> With cries that folk could hear far out at sea, <br> And reached the treasure set apart of old, <br> To brood above the hidden heaps of gold.''' === ''Love is Enough'' (1872) === :<small>''Love is Enough; or, The Freeing of [[w:Pharamond |Pharamond ]], A Morality'' (1872)</small> ==== Song I : Though the World Be A-Waning ==== [[File:DickseeRomeoandJuliet.jpg|thumb|right|Love is enough: though the World be a-waning <br> And the woods have no voice but the voice of complaining...]] * '''Love is enough: though the World be a-waning <br> And the woods have no voice but the voice of complaining''', <br> Though the sky be too dark for dim eyes to discover <br> The gold-cups and daisies fair blooming thereunder, <br> Though the hills be held shadows, and the sea a dark wonder, <br> And this day draw a veil over all deeds passed over, <br> '''Yet their hands shall not tremble, their feet shall not falter; <br> The void shall not weary, the fear shall not alter <br> These lips and these eyes of the loved and the lover.''' ==== Song II: Have No Thought for Tomorrow ==== [[File:Morris Tapestry Summer.jpg|thumb|right|Your hearts make all plain in the best wise they would <br> And the world ye thought waning is glorious and good...]] * '''Love is enough: have no thought for to-morrow''' <br> If ye lie down this even in rest from your pain, <br> Ye who have paid for your bliss with great sorrow... * Till again shall the change come, and words your lips say not <br> '''Your hearts make all plain in the best wise they would <br> And the world ye thought waning is glorious and good...''' * '''The wind is not helpless for any man's need, <br> Nor falleth the rain but for thistle and weed.''' * O surely this morning all sorrow is hidden, <br> All battle is hushed for this even at least; <br> And no one this noontide may hunger, unbidden <br> To the flowers and the singing and the joy of your feast <br> Where silent ye sit midst the world's tale increased. * Lo, the lovers unloved that draw nigh for your blessing! <br> For your tale makes the dreaming whereby yet they live <br> The dreams of the day with their hopes of redressing, <br> The dreams of the night with the kisses they give, <br> '''The dreams of the dawn wherein death and hope strive.''' * Ah, what shall we say then, but that earth threatened often <br> Shall live on for ever that such things may be, <br> That the dry seed shall quicken, the hard earth shall soften, <br> And the spring-bearing birds flutter north o'er the sea, <br> That earth's garden may bloom round my love's feet and me? ==== Song III: It Grew Up Without Heeding ==== [[File:Artichoke wallpaper Morris and Co J H Dearle no borders.jpg|thumb|right|Love is enough: it grew up without heeding <br> In the days when ye knew not its name nor its measure, <br> And its leaflets untrodden by the light feet of pleasure <br> Had no boast of the blossom, no sign of the seeding, <br> As the morning and evening passed over its treasure.]] * '''Love is enough: it grew up without heeding <br> In the days when ye knew not its name nor its measure''', <br> And its leaflets untrodden by the light feet of pleasure <br> Had no boast of the blossom, no sign of the seeding, <br> As the morning and evening passed over its treasure. * And what do ye say then? — That Spring long departed <br> Has brought forth no child to the softness and showers; <br> — That we slept and we dreamed through the Summer of flowers; <br> We dreamed of the Winter, and waking dead-hearted <br> Found Winter upon us and waste of dull hours. * Nay, Spring was o'er-happy and knew not the reason, <br> And Summer dreamed sadly, for she thought all was ended <br> In her fulness of wealth that might not be amended; <br> But '''this is the harvest and the garnering season, <br> And the leaf and the blossom in the ripe fruit are blended.''' * '''It sprang without sowing, it grew without heeding, <br> Ye knew not its name and ye knew not its measure, <br> Ye noted it not mid your hope and your pleasure; <br> There was pain in its blossom, despair in its seeding, <br> But daylong your bosom now nurseth its treasure.''' ==== Song IV: Draw Near and Behold Me ==== [[File:WoodpeckerTapestry-van-William-Morris.jpg|thumb|right|Ye know not how void is your hope and your living: <br> Depart with your helping lest yet ye undo me!]] * '''Love is enough: draw near and behold me <br> Ye who pass by the way to your rest and your laughter''', <br> And are full of the hope of the dawn coming after; <br> For the strong of the world have bought me and sold me <br> And my house is all wasted from threshold to rafter. <br> — '''Pass by me, and hearken, and think of me not!''' * '''Ye know not how void is your hope and your living: <br> Depart with your helping lest yet ye undo me!''' <br> Ye know not that at nightfall she draweth near to me, <br> There is soft speech between us and words of forgiving <br> Till in dead of the midnight her kisses thrill through me. <br> — Pass by me and harken, and waken me not! * Wherewith will ye buy it, ye rich who behold me? <br> Draw out from your coffers your rest and your laughter, <br> And the fair gilded hope of the dawn coming after! <br> Nay this I sell not, — though ye bought me and sold me, — <br> For your house stored with such things from threshold to rafter. <br> — '''Pass by me, I hearken, and think of you not!''' ==== Song V: Through the Trouble and Tangle ==== * '''Love is enough: through the trouble and tangle <br> From yesterday's dawning to yesterday's night''' <br> I sought through the vales where the prisoned winds wrangle, <br> Till, wearied and bleeding, at end of the light <br> I met him, and we wrestled, and great was my might. * And the Shadow of the Night and not Love was departed; <br> I was sore, I was weary, yet Love lived to seek; <br> So I scaled the dark mountains, and wandered sad-hearted <br> Over wearier wastes, where e'en sunlight was bleak, <br> With no rest of the night for my soul waxen weak. * With no rest of the night; for '''I waked mid a story <br> Of a land wherein Love is the light and the lord, <br> Where my tale shall be heard, and my wounds gain a glory, <br> And my tears be a treasure to add to the hoard <br> Of pleasure laid up for his people's reward.''' ==== Song VI: Cherish Life that Abideth ==== [[File:Burne-jones-love-among-the-ruins.jpg|244px|thumb|right|Live on, for Love liveth...]] * '''Love is enough: cherish life that abideth, <br> Lest ye die ere ye know him, and curse and misname him; <br> For who knows in what ruin of all hope he hideth, <br> On what wings of the terror of darkness he rideth?''' <br> And what is the joy of man's life that ye blame him <br> For his bliss grown a sword, and his rest grown a fire? * '''Live on, for Love liveth''', and earth shall be shaken <br> By the wind of his wings on the triumphing morning, <br> '''When the dead, and their deeds that die not shall awaken, <br> And the world's tale shall sound in your trumpet of warning, <br> And the sun smite the banner called Scorn of the Scorning, <br> And dead pain ye shall trample, dead fruitless desire, <br> As ye wend to pluck out the new world from the fire.''' ==== Song VII: Dawn Talks to Day ==== * '''Dawn talks to Day <br> Over dew-gleaming flowers''', <br> Night flies away <br> Till the resting of hours: <br> Fresh are thy feet <br> And with dreams thine eyes glistening, <br> Thy still lips are sweet <br> Though the world is a-listening. <br> '''O Love, set a word in my mouth for our meeting''', <br> Cast thine arms round about me to stay my heart's beating! <br> O fresh day, O fair day, O long day made ours! * '''Morn shall meet noon <br> While the flower-stems yet move, <br> Though the wind dieth soon <br> And the clouds fade above.''' <br> Loved lips are thine <br> As I tremble and hearken; <br> Bright thine eyes shine, <br> Though the leaves thy brow darken. <br> O Love, kiss me into silence, lest no word avail me, <br> Stay my head with thy bosom lest breath and life fail me! <br> O sweet day, O rich day, made long for our love! * '''Let us speak, love, together some words of our story, <br> That our lips as they part may remember the glory!''' <br> O soft day, O calm day, made clear for our sake! * '''Eve shall kiss night, <br> And the leaves stir like rain <br> As the wind stealeth light <br> O'er the grass of the plain.''' <br> Unseen are thine eyes <br> Mid the dreamy night's sleeping, <br> And on my mouth there lies <br> The dear rain of thy weeping. ==== Song VIII: While Ye Deemed Him A-Sleeping ==== [[File:Burnejones1.jpg|244px|thumb|right|Love is enough: while ye deemed him a-sleeping, <br> There were signs of his coming and sounds of his feet.]] * '''Love is enough: while ye deemed him a-sleeping, <br> There were signs of his coming and sounds of his feet'''; <br> His touch it was that would bring you to weeping, <br> When the summer was deepest and music most sweet... * '''All wonder of pleasure, all doubt of desire, <br> All blindness, are ended''', and no more ye feel <br> If your feet treat his flowers or the flames of his fire, <br> If your breast meet his balms or the edge of his steel. <br> '''Change is come, and past over, no more strife, no more learning: <br> Now your lips and your forehead are sealed with his seal, <br> Look backward and smile at the thorns and the burning. <br> — Sweet rest, O my soul, and no fear of returning!''' ==== Song IX: Ho Ye Who Seek Saving ==== [[File:The Godhead Fires, Pygmalion (Burne-Jones).jpg|thumb|right|Surely within you some [[Godhead]] doth quicken, <br> As ye cry to me heeding, and leading you [[home]]...]] * '''Love is enough: ho ye who seek saving, <br> Go no further; come hither; there have been who have found it''', <br> And these know the House of Fulfilment of Craving; <br> These know the Cup with the roses around it; <br> These know the World's Wound and the balm that hath bound it: <br> Cry out, the World heedeth not, "'''Love, lead us home!'''" * O hearken the words of his voice of compassion: <br> "Come cling round about me, ye faithful who sicken <br> Of the weary unrest and the world's passing fashions! <br> As the rain in mid-morning your troubles shall thicken, <br> But '''surely within you some [[Godhead]] doth quicken, <br> As ye cry to me heeding, and leading you home.'''" * "Come — pain ye shall have, and be blind to the ending! <br> Come — fear ye shall have, mid the sky's overcasting! <br> '''Come — change ye shall have, for far are ye wending!''' <br> Come — no crown ye shall have for your thirst and your fasting, <br> '''But the kissed lips of Love and fair life everlasting! <br> Cry out, for one heedeth, who leadeth you home!'''" === The Decorative Arts (1877) === [[File:Morris-william.jpg|thumb|right|I do not want art for a few, any more than education for a few, or freedom for a few.]] :<small>[http://www.burrows.com/dec.html "The Decorative Arts: Their Relation to Modern Life and Progress" (1877)] Morris's first public lecture, later published as "The Lesser Arts" in ''Hopes and Fears for Art'' (1882)</small> * '''To give people pleasure in the things they must perforce use, that is one great office of decoration; to give people pleasure in the things they must perforce make, that is the other use of it.''' <br> Does not our subject look important enough now? I say that without these arts, our rest would be vacant and uninteresting, our labour mere endurance, mere wearing away of body and mind. * When we can get beyond that smoky world, there, out in the country we may still see the works of our fathers yet alive amidst the very nature they were wrought into, and of which they are so completely a part: for there indeed if anywhere, in the English country, in the days when people cared about such things, was there a full sympathy between the works of man, and the land they were made for: — the land is a little land; too much shut up within the narrow seas, as it seems, to have much space for swelling into hugeness: there are no great wastes overwhelming in their dreariness, no great solitudes of forests, no terrible untrodden mountain-walls: all is measured, mingled, varied, gliding easily one thing into another: little rivers, little plains, swelling, speedily- changing uplands, all beset with handsome orderly trees; little hills, little mountains, netted over with the walls of sheep- walks: all is little; yet not foolish and blank, but serious rather, and abundant of meaning for such as choose to seek it: it is neither prison nor palace, but a decent home. * '''I do not want art for a few, any more than education for a few, or freedom for a few.''' === Art and Socialism (1884) === :<small>[http://www.marxists.org/archive/morris/works/1884/as/as.htm On line text at marxists.org] </small> * '''It is right and necessary that all men should have work to do which shall be worth doing, and be of itself pleasant to do; and which should be done under such conditions as would make it neither over-wearisome nor over-anxious.''' * '''Nothing should be made by man's labour which is not worth making; or which must be made by labour degrading to the makers.''' === ''A Dream of John Ball '' (1886) === :<small>First printed in ''The Commonweal'' (13 November 1886 - 22 January 1887) - [http://etext.virginia.edu/toc/modeng/public/MorDrea.html online text at the University of Virginia]</small> :<small>The title refers to the 14th century English rebel [[John Ball (priest)|John Ball]].</small> [[File:Galahad grail.jpg|444px|thumb|center|I say to you that earth and heaven are not two but one; and this one is that which ye know, and are each one of you a part of, to wit, the Holy Church, and in each one of you dwelleth the life of the Church, unless ye slay it.]] [[File:Adoration of the Magi Tapestry.png|thumb|right|I bid you not dwell in hell but in heaven, or while ye must, upon earth, which is a part of heaven, and forsooth no foul part.]] [[File:USA Massachusetts Boston Trinity Nativity-window.jpg|thumb|right| I pondered all these things, and how men fight and lose the battle, and the thing that they fought for comes about in spite of their defeat, and when it comes turns out not to be what they meant, and other men have to fight for what they meant under another name.]] [[File:Holy Grail Tapestry -The Arming and Departure of the Kniights.jpg|thumb|right|It is for him that is lonely or in prison to dream of fellowship, but for him that is of a fellowship to do and not to dream.]] * '''When I was journeying (in a dream of the night)''' down the well-remembered reaches of the Thames betwixt Streatley and Wallingford, where the foothills of the White Horse fall back from the broad stream, I came upon a clear-seen mediæval town standing up with roof and tower and spire within its walls, grey and ancient, but untouched from the days of its builders of old. '''All this I have seen in the dreams of the night clearer than I can force myself to see them in dreams of the day. So that it would have been nothing new to me the other night to fall into an architectural dream if that were all, and yet I have to tell of things strange and new that befell me after I had fallen asleep.''' ** Ch. 1: The Men of Kent * Forsooth, ye have heard it said that ye shall do well in this world that in the world to come ye may live happily for ever; do ye well then, and have your reward both on earth and in heaven; for '''I say to you that earth and heaven are not two but one; and this one is that which ye know, and are each one of you a part of, to wit, the Holy Church, and in each one of you dwelleth the life of the Church, unless ye slay it.''' ** Ch. 4: The Voice of John Ball * '''Forsooth, brothers, fellowship is heaven, and lack of fellowship is hell''': fellowship is life, and lack of fellowship is death: and the deeds that ye do upon the earth, it is for fellowship's sake that ye do them, and the life that is in it, that shall live on and on for ever, and each one of you part of it, while many a man's life upon the earth from the earth shall wane. <br> '''Therefore, I bid you not dwell in hell but in heaven, or while ye must, upon earth, which is a part of heaven, and forsooth no foul part.''' ** Ch. 4: The Voice of John Ball * Forsooth, he that waketh in hell and feeleth his heart fail him, shall have memory of the merry days of earth, and how that when his heart failed him there, he cried on his fellow, were it his wife or his son or his brother or his gossip or his brother sworn in arms, and how that his fellow heard him and came and they mourned together under the sun, till again they laughed together and were but half sorry between them. '''This shall he think on in hell, and cry on his fellow to help him, and shall find that therein is no help because there is no fellowship, but every man for himself.''' ** Ch. 4: The Voice of John Ball * '''I pondered all these things, and how men fight and lose the battle, and the thing that they fought for comes about in spite of their defeat, and when it comes turns out not to be what they meant, and other men have to fight for what they meant under another name.''' ** Ch. 4: The Voice of John Ball * '''It is for him that is lonely or in prison to dream of fellowship, but for him that is of a fellowship to do and not to dream.''' ** Ch. 4: The Voice of John Ball * '''Mastership hath many shifts whereby it striveth to keep itself alive in the world.''' And now hear a marvel: whereas thou sayest these two times that out of one man ye may get but one man's work, '''in days to come one man shall do the work of a hundred men — yea, of a thousand or more: and this is the shift of mastership that shall make many masters and many rich men.''' ** Ch. 12: Ill Would Change Be At Whiles Were It Not For The Change Beyond The Change. * '''To thee, when thou didst try to conceive of them, the ways of the days to come seemed follies scarce to be thought of; yet shall they come to be familiar things''', and an order by which every man liveth, ill as he liveth, so that men shall deem of them, that thus it hath been since the beginning of the world, and that thus it shall be while the world endureth... Yet in time shall this also grow old, and doubt shall creep in, because men shall scarce be able to live by that order, and the complaint of the poor shall be hearkened, no longer as a tale not utterly grievous, but as a threat of ruin, and a fear. Then shall these things, which to thee seem follies, and to the men between thee and me mere wisdom and the bond of stability, seem follies once again; yet, whereas men have so long lived by them, they shall cling to them yet from blindness and from fear; and those that see, and that have thus much conquered fear that they are furthering the real time that cometh and not the dream that faileth, these men shall the blind and the fearful mock and missay, and torment and murder: and great and grievous shall be the strife in those days, and many the failures of the wise, and too oft sore shall be the despair of the valiant; and back-sliding, and doubt, and contest between friends and fellows lacking time in the hubbub to understand each other, shall grieve many hearts and hinder the Host of the Fellowship: '''yet shall all bring about the end, till thy deeming of folly and ours shall be one, and thy hope and our hope; and then — the Day will have come.''' ** Ch. 12: Ill Would Change Be At Whiles Were It Not For The Change Beyond The Change. === ''Signs of Change'' (1888) === :<small>[http://etext.library.adelaide.edu.au/m/morris/william/m87sc/ Online text at The University of Adelaide]</small> [[File:Edward Burne-Jones - The Wheel of Fortune.jpg|thumb|right|We will stick to our word, which means a change of the basis of society … it may encourage some people, and will mean to them at least not a fear, but a hope.]] ==== How We Live And How We Might Live ==== * '''The word Revolution, which we Socialists are so often forced to use, has a terrible sound in most people's ears, even when we have explained to them that it does not necessarily mean a change accompanied by riot and all kinds of violence, and cannot mean a change made mechanically and in the teeth of opinion by a group of men who have somehow managed to seize on the executive power for the moment.''' Even when we explain that we use the word revolution in its etymological sense, and mean by it a change in the basis of society, people are scared at the idea of such a vast change, and beg that you will speak of reform and not revolution. As, however, we Socialists do not at all mean by our word revolution what these worthy people mean by their word reform, I can't help thinking that it would be a mistake to use it, whatever projects we might conceal beneath its harmless envelope. '''So we will stick to our word, which means a change of the basis of society; it may frighten people, but it will at least warn them that there is something to be frightened about, which will be no less dangerous for being ignored; and also it may encourage some people, and will mean to them at least not a fear, but a hope.''' * '''Fear and Hope — those are the names of the two great passions which rule the race of man, and with which revolutionists have to deal; to give hope to the many oppressed and fear to the few oppressors, that is our business'''; if we do the first and give hope to the many, the few ''must'' be frightened by their hope; otherwise we do not want to frighten them; '''it is not revenge we want for poor people, but happiness; indeed, what revenge can be taken for all the thousands of years of the sufferings of the poor?''' ==== The Aims of Art ==== * Soon there will be nothing left except the lying dreams of history, the miserable wreckage of our museums and picture-galleries, and the carefully guarded interiors of our aesthetic drawing-rooms, unreal and foolish, fitting witnesses of the life of corruption that goes on there, so pinched and meagre and cowardly, with its concealment and ignoring, rather than restraint of, natural longings; which does not forbid the greedy indulgence in them if it can but be decently hidden. * '''I have said as much as that the aim of art was to destroy the curse of labour by making work the pleasurable satisfaction of our impulse towards energy, and giving to that energy hope of producing something worth its exercise.''' ** This has sometimes appeared in paraphrased form as: "The aim of art is to destroy the curse of labour by making work the pleasurable satisfaction of our impulse towards energy, and giving to that energy hope of producing something worth the exercise". ====Useful Work versus Useless Toil ==== [[File:USA Massachusetts Boston Trinity Nativity-detail-1.jpg|thumb|right| A man at work, making something which he feels will exist because he is working at it and wills it, is exercising the energies of his mind and soul as well as of his body. Memory and imagination help him as he works. Not only his own thoughts, but the thoughts of the men of past ages guide his hands; and, as a part of the human race, he creates. If we work thus we shall be men, and our days will be happy and eventful.]] * '''I think that to all living things there is a pleasure in the exercise of their energies, and that even beasts rejoice in being lithe and swift and strong. But a man at work, making something which he feels will exist because he is working at it and wills it, is exercising the energies of his mind and soul as well as of his body. Memory and imagination help him as he works. Not only his own thoughts, but the thoughts of the men of past ages guide his hands; and, as a part of the human race, he creates. If we work thus we shall be men, and our days will be happy and eventful.''' * Worthy work carries with it the hope of pleasure in rest, the hope of the pleasure in our using what it makes, and the hope of pleasure in our daily creative skill. <br> '''All other work but this is worthless; it is slaves' work — mere toiling to live, that we may live to toil.''' === ''[[w:News from Nowhere|News from Nowhere]]'' (1890) === * '''If others can see it as I have seen it, then it may be called a vision rather than a dream.''' * As he formed the words, the train stopped at his station, five minutes' walk from his own house, which stood on the banks of the [[Thames]], a little way above an ugly suspension bridge. He went out of the station, still discontented and unhappy, muttering "If I could but see it! if I could but see it!" but had not gone many steps towards the river before (says our friend who tells the story) all that discontent and trouble seemed to slip off him. * I think I know what you mean. You think that I have done you a service; so you feel yourself bound to give me something which I am not to give to a neighbour, unless he has done something special for me. I have heard of this kind of thing; but pardon me for saying, that it seems to us a troublesome and roundabout custom; and we don't know how to manage it. And you see this ferrying and giving people casts about the water is my business, which I would do for anybody; so to take gifts in connection with it would look very queer. Besides, if one person gave me something, then another might, and another, and so on; and I hope you won't think me rude if I say that I shouldn't know where to stow away so many mementos of friendship. * All this seemed very interesting to me, and I should like to have made the old man talk more. But Dick got rather restive under so much ancient history: besides, I suspect he wanted to keep me as fresh as he could for his great-grandfather. So he burst out laughing at last, and said: "Excuse me, neighbours, but I can't help it. Fancy people not liking to work!—it's too ridiculous. Why, even you like to work, old fellow—sometimes," said he, affectionately patting the old horse with the whip. "What a queer disease! it may well be called Mulleygrubs!" * Man alive! how can you ask such a question? Have I not told you that we know what a prison means by the undoubted evidence of really trustworthy books, helped out by our own imaginations? And haven't you specially called me to notice that the people about the roads and streets look happy? and how could they look happy if they knew that their neighbours were shut up in prison, while they bore such things quietly? And if there were people in prison, you couldn't hide it from folk, like you can an occasional man-slaying; because that isn't done of set purpose, with a lot of people backing up the slayer in cold blood, as this prison business is. Prisons, indeed! O no, no, no! * "Then you suppose nonsense," said he. "I know that there used to be such lunatic affairs as divorce courts. But just consider; all the cases that came into them were matters of property quarrels: and I think, dear guest," said he, smiling, "that though you do come from another planet, you can see from the mere outside look of our world that quarrels about private property could not go on amongst us in our days." * But of course I understand your point of view about education, which is that of times past, when 'the struggle for life,' as men used to phrase it (i.e., the struggle for a slave's rations on one side, and for a bouncing share of the slave-holders' privilege on the other), pinched 'education' for most people into a niggardly dole of not very accurate information; something to be swallowed by the beginner in the art of living whether he liked it or not, and was hungry for it or not: and which had been chewed and digested over and over again by people who didn't care about it in order to serve it out to other people who didn't care about it." * I must now shock you by telling you that we have no longer anything which you, a native of another planet, would call a government. * A terrible tyranny our Communism, is it not? Folk used often to be warned against this very unhappiness in times past, when for every well-fed, contented person you saw a thousand miserable starvelings. Whereas for us, we grow fat and well-liking on the tyranny; a tyranny, to say the truth, not to be made visible by any microscope I know. Don't be afraid, my friend; we are not going to seek for troubles by calling our peace and plenty and happiness by ill names whose very meaning we have forgotten! * As a matter of fact, the history of the terrible period of transition from commercial slavery to freedom may thus be summarised. When the hope of realising a communal condition of life for all men arose, quite late in the nineteenth century, the power of the middle classes, the then tyrants of society, was so enormous and crushing, that to almost all men, even those who had, you may say despite themselves, despite their reason and judgement, conceived such hopes, it seemed a dream. So much was this the case that some of those more enlightened men who were then called Socialists, although they well knew, and even stated in public, that the only reasonable condition of Society was that of pure Communism (such as you now see around you), yet shrunk from what seemed to them the barren task of preaching the realisation of a happy dream. Looking back now, we can see that the great motive-power of the change was a longing for freedom and equality, akin if you please to the unreasonable passion of the lover; a sickness of heart that rejected with loathing the aimless solitary life of the well-educated man of that time: phrases, my dear friend, which have lost their meaning to us of the present day; so far removed we are from the dreadful facts which they represent. * '''Go back again, now you have seen us, and your outward eyes have learned that in spite of all the infallible maxims of your day there is yet a time of rest in store for the world, when mastery has changed into fellowship — but not before.''' Go back again, then, and while you live you will see all round you people engaged in making others live lives which are not their own, while they themselves care nothing for their own real lives — men who hate life though they fear death. '''Go back and be the happier for having seen us, for having added a little hope to your struggle. Go on living while you may, striving, with whatsoever pain and labour needs must be, to build up little by little the new day of fellowship, and rest, and happiness.''' == Quotes about Morris == [[File:William Morris by Vallotton.jpg|thumb|right|Morris was not only a genius, he was a ''man''. Strike at him where you would, he rang true … He was our best man. ~ [[w:Robert Blatchford|Robert Blatchford]] ]] * William Morris, [is] a prime favourite with a Socialist like myself, but also, in my view - especially in the ''Defence of Guinevere'' - a great poet. ** [[Clement Attlee]], "The Pleasure of Books, ''The National and English Review'', January 1954. Quoted in Frank Field, ''Attlee's Great Contemporaries: The Politics of Character''. Bloomsbury Publishing, London, 2009 (pg. 18). * '''I cannot help thinking that it does not matter what goes into the ''Clarion'' this week, because William Morris is dead.''' And what socialist will care for any other news this week, beyond that one sad fact? … <br> '''William Morris was our best man; and he is dead.''' It is true that much of his work still lives, and will live. But we have lost him, and, great as was his work, he himself was greater. Many a man of genius is dwarfed by his creations. We could all name men whose personalities seem unworthy of their own words and actions; men who resemble mean jars filled with honey, or foul lamps emitting brilliant beams. '''Morris was of a nobler kind. He was better than his best. Though his words fell like sword strokes, one always felt that the warrior was stronger than the sword. For Morris was not only a genius, he was a ''man''. Strike at him where you would, he rang true.''' … His face was as honest as a lion's and you accepted his word as you accept a date from the almanac. This is a censorious world, and as a rule, let a man be chaste as ice, pure as snow, he shall not escape calumny. Yet I have never heard a single word of detraction or dislike spoken of William Morris. Nor is there a Socialist to-day in England but will feel that he has lost a friend. <br> '''He was our best man.''' We cannot spare him; we cannot replace him. '''In all England there lives no braver, kinder, honester, cleverer, heartier man than William Morris. He is dead, and we cannot help feeling for a while that nothing else matters.''' ** [[w:Robert Blatchford|Robert Blatchford]] in ''[[w:The Clarion|The Clarion]]'' (October 1896). * When I first knew Morris nothing would content him but being a monk, and getting to Rome, and then he must be an architect, and apprenticed himself to [[w:George Edmund Street|Street]], and worked for two years, but when I came to London and began to paint he threw it all up, and must paint too, and then he must give it up and make poems, and then he must give it up and make window hangings and pretty things, and when he had achieved that, he must be a poet again, and then after two or three years of Earthly Paradise time, he must learn dyeing, and lived in a vat, and learned weaving, and knew all about looms, and then made more books, and learned tapestry, and then wanted to smash everything up and begin the world anew, and now it is printing he cares for, and to make wonderful rich-looking books — and '''all things he does splendidly — and if he lives the printing will have an end — but not I hope, before ''[[Geoffrey Chaucer|Chaucer]]'' and the ''[[w:Morte d'Arthur|Morte d'Arthur]]'' are done; then he'll do I don't know what, but every minute will be alive.''' ** [[w:Edward Burne-Jones|Edward Burne-Jones]], as quoted in ''Time Remembered‎'' (1933) by Frances Horner, p. 14. * We take Morris's poem into the woods with us and read it aloud, greedily, looking to see how much more there is in store for us . If ever you have an idle afternoon , bestow it on the ''Earthly Paradise''. ** [[George Eliot]], Letter to John Blackwood, 23 June 1868. Quoted in Haight, Gordon S. ''The George Eliot Letters Volume IV 1862-1868''. Yale, Yale University Press, 1955. * His talk indeed is wonderfully to the point and remarkable for clear good sense. He said no one thing that I remember, but I was struck with the very good judgment shewn in everything he uttered. He’s an extraordinary example, in short, of a delicate sensitive genius and taste, served by a perfectly healthy body and temper. All his designs are quite as good (or rather nearly so) as his poetry. Altogether it was a long rich sort of visit, with a strong peculiar flavour of its own. ** [[Henry James]] on Morris, Letter to Alice James, 12 March 1869. Quoted in Gamble, Cynthia J. ''John Ruskin, Henry James and the Shropshire lads'', New European Publications, London, 2008. * B[urne] J[ones] was in all ways the biggest. He had the most glorious sense of humour. Morris had none. It annoyed him as flies annoy cattle . But to hear the two together , discussing the workshop side of their art - fabrication of colours ; design of glass windows and the inlay of the little bits , and how the lines cut each other , as they loafed in the studio between whiles was a thing to be grateful for , even though one did not comprehend it. ** [[Rudyard Kipling]], Letter to Sir Herbert Baker, 1934. Quoted in Kemp, Sandra, and Lewis, Lisa, ''Writings on Writing by Rudyard Kipling''. Cambridge, Cambridge University Press, 1996 (pg, 132). * William Morris was one of the most versatile, energetic and original men of his time, a force that impinged decisively on the world of practice. ** [[F. R. Leavis]], ''New Bearing In English Poetry'' (2nd Edition, 1954). Quoted in Taylor, Gillian, ''William Morris by Himself'', Time Warner Books UK, London, 2004 (p. 205). * Other stories have only scenery: his have geography. He is not concerned with ‘painting’ landscapes; he tells you the lie of the land, and then you paint the landscapes for yourself. To a reader long fed on the almost botanical and entomological niceties of much modern fiction—where, indeed, we mostly skip if the characters go through a jungle—the effect is at first very pale and cold, but also very fresh and spacious. We begin to relish what my friend called the ‘Northernness’. No mountains in literature are as far away as distant mountains in Morris. The world of his imagining is as windy, as tangible, as resonant and three dimensional, as that of [[Walter Scott|Scott]] or [[Homer]]. ** [[C. S. Lewis]], "William Morris", in ''Rehabilitations and Other Essays'', Oxford University Press, 1939. * My great author at this period was William Morris...I found ''The Well at the World's End''. I looked—I read chapter headings—I dipped—and next day I was off into town to buy a copy of my own. Like so many new steps it appeared to be partly a revival- 'Knights in Armour' returning from a very early period of my childhood. After that I read all the Morris I could get, ''Jason, The Earthly Paradise,'' the prose romances. The growth of the new delight is marked by my sudden realisation, almost with a sense of disloyalty, that the letters WILLIAM MORRIS were coming to have at least as potent a magic in them as [[Richard Wagner|WAGNER]]. ** [[C. S. Lewis]], ''Surprised by Joy'' 1955. Quoted in Hannah, James, ''The Great War Reader'', Texas A&M University Press, 2000 (pg. 23). * Where Morris beats the cerebral utopists all hollow is in the materiality of his imagination. To lead a decent human life in a cramped, featureless, unvaried environment is a tough job; the twenty-story-slab housing development, the hundred-cubicle office, the windows that cannot be opened because the interior "climate" is controlled, the faceless Bauhaus exterior-all utopian in their way, I guess. But not my utopia, or his. ** 2006 interview in ''Conversations with [[Ursula Le Guin]]'' * We need a return to the William Morris broad conception of art in relation to life, in terms of colours and designs and craftsmanship, and windows opening on to Heaven, instead of narrowing it down to the preciosities of cliques and coteries who seek through their obscurities to keep art esoteric. ** [[w:Ethel Mannin|Ethel Mannin]], in ''Privileged Spectator'', 1939. Quoted in Faulkner, Peter, ''Ethel Mannin and William Morris'', in ''The Journal of the William Morris Society'' Volume XIII Number 2 Spring 1999. * William Morris's ''News from Nowhere'', an anarchist utopian novel in which women possess both equality and a natural predilection for the tasks of domesticity...Morris, along with a host of other nineteenth-century men, obviously believed that to engage in the role of helpmeet, to cook, to clean, and to run a house were natural female functions. Therefore, women of his utopia did not consider such duties evidence of inequality. ** Margaret S Marsh, ''Anarchist Women, 1870-1920'' (1981) * ''News from Nowhere'' was one of [[Voltairine de Cleyre]]'s favorite books ** Margaret S Marsh, ''Anarchist Women, 1870-1920'' (1981) * It is Morris... who can properly be called the first English Marxist. This truth has been but slowly recognised, not only by the reformists and anarchists who each, in their own fashion, have tried to annex him, but also by Marxists. ** [[w:A. L. Morton|Arthur Leslie Morton]], in ''Political Writings of William Morris'' (1973), p. 21. * It was William Morris who in modern times first joined these two words [bookmaking and art] together by the publication of his magnificent Kelmscott volumes. Such type, such decorations, such presswork, such sheer, composite beauty! ... from the very beginning Morris' innovations showed the world that printing still belonged among the fine arts. ** [[w:William Dana Orcutt|William Dana Orcutt]], in ''[https://archive.org/details/inquestofperfec00orcu/page/n27/mode/2up In Quest of the Perfect Book]'' (1926), p. 6-7. * So far Morris is the true prophet of the 20th century. '''We owe it to him that an ordinary man's dwelling-house has once more become a worthy object of the architect's thought, and a chair, a wallpaper, or a vase, a worthy object of the artist's imagination.''' ** [[w:Nikolaus Pevsner|Nikolaus Pevsner]], in ''Pioneers of Modern Design'' (1936). * So he still paces ahead of us, no longer ‘lonely’ but still in the van — beckoning us forward to the measureless bounty of life. He is one of those men whom history will never overtake. ** [[E. P. Thompson]], ''William Morris: From Romantic To Revolutionary'' (1955). Quoted in Taylor, Gillian, ''William Morris by Himself'', Time Warner Books UK, London, 2004 (p. 205). * '''Hence has arisen that exaltation of the defective, of which [[John Ruskin]] and William Morris''' were such eager spokesmen in their time; and on this ground their propaganda of crudity and wasted effort has been taken up and carried forward since their time. And hence also the propaganda for a return to handicraft and household industry. '''So much of the work and speculations of this group''' of men as fairly comes under the characterization here given '''would have been impossible at a time when the visibly more perfect goods were not the cheaper.''' ** [[Thorstein Veblen]], ''[[The Theory of the Leisure Class]]: An Economic Study of Institutions'' (1899). *...above the confusion of these memories two figures remain distinct. Mr. [[George Bernard Shaw|Bernard Shaw]], physically individualized with extraordinary decision, a frequent speaker, and always explicit and careful to make himself misunderstood; and the grand head, the rough voice, the sturdy figure, sedulously plain speech, and lovable bearing of William Morris. ** [[H. G. Wells]], recalling a political meeting at Kelmscott House. Quoted in "The Well at the World's End", ''Saturday Review'', 17 October 1896. Reprinted in Faulkner, Peter, ''William Morris: The Critical Heritage'', Routledge, London, 2013. * To Morris we owe poetry whose perfect precision and clearness of word and vision has not been excelled in the literature of our country, and by the revival of the decorative arts he has given to our individualised romantic movement the social idea and the social factor also. ** [[Oscar Wilde]], “The English Renaissance of Art”, (1882). Reprinted in Ross, Robert, ''Essays and Lectures by Oscar Wilde''. Methuen and Co, London, 1908. * '''William Morris pleaded well for simplicity as the basis of all true art.''' Let us understand the significance to art of that word — SIMPLICITY — for it is vital to the Art of the Machine. ** [[Frank Lloyd Wright]], in "The Art and Craft of the Machine", a lecture to the Chicago Arts & Crafts Society (6 March 1901). == External links == {{wikipedia}} * [http://onlinebooks.library.upenn.edu/webbin/book/lookupname?key=Morris%2c%20William%2c%201834%2d1896 The Online Books Page (University of Pennsylvania)] * [http://www.gutenberg.org/browse/authors/m#a107 Online works] at [[w:Project Gutenberg|Project Gutenberg]] * [http://www.marxists.org/archive/morris/works/index.htm Online works at marxists.org] * [http://etext.virginia.edu/toc/modeng/public/MorDrea.html ''A Dream of John Ball'' at the University of Virginia ] * [http://rpo.library.utoronto.ca/poet/236.html Selected poetry at the University of Toronto] * [http://www.iisg.nl/archives/morris/ Manuscripts online at the International Institute of Social History] * [http://www.hrc.utexas.edu/exhibitions/online/morris/ ''William Morris and his Circle''] * [http://www.stainedglassphotography.com/Galleries/Morris/Morris1.htm ''William Morris Stained Glass''] * [http://www.lbwf.gov.uk/wmg/home.htm The William Morris Gallery] (London Borough of Waltham Forest) * [http://www.keepourmuseumsopen.org.uk The William Morris Gallery is threatened with closure] (Campaign to keep the gallery open) * [http://www.morrissociety.org/ The William Morris Society] * [http://morris.artpassions.net/ William Morris Tiles and Textiles] * [http://www.huntington.org/ArtDiv/morris.html William Morris Exhibition] {{DEFAULTSORT:Morris, William}} [[Category:Political activists]] [[Category:Artists from England]] [[Category:Poets from England]] [[Category:Novelists from England]] [[Category:Short story writers from England]] [[Category:Fantasy authors]] [[Category:Translators from England]] [[Category:Designers]] [[Category:Architects from England]] [[Category:Socialists from England]] [[Category:Libertarian Marxists]] [[Category:Eco-socialists]] [[Category:Atheists from England]] [[Category:1834 births]] [[Category:1896 deaths]] [[Category:People from London]] [[Category:Victorian novelists]] [[Category:Victorian poets]] [[it:William Morris]] [[nl:William Morris]] [[no:William Morris]] [[nn:William Morris]] koo7fpqp6nk63206fi9gz3lh7zfollf 0 13878 3778732 3774927 2025-07-14T14:20:16Z 91.81.250.191 3778732 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} [[File:Peter Pan Logo Black.svg|thumb]] '''''[[w:Peter Pan (1953 film)|Peter Pan]]''''' is an animated film based on [[J. M. Barrie]]'s play [[Peter Pan|of the same name]], first released in February [[w:1953 in film|1953]] by [[w:Walt Disney Pictures|Walt Disney Studios]]. It follows the Darling children as they encounter Peter Pan, the main character of one of their favorite bedtime stories, and the adventures they have when he takes them to his magical home: [[w:Neverland|Neverland]]. :''Directed by [[w:Clyde Geronimi|Clyde Geronimi]], [[w:Wilfred Jackson|Wilfred Jackson]] and [[w:Hamilton Luske|Hamilton Luske]]. Written by [[w:Milt Banta|Milt Banta]], [[J.M. Barrie]] (play), [[w:William Cottrell|William Cottrell]], [[w:Winston Hibler|Winston Hibler]], [[w:Bill Peet|Bill Peet]], [[w:Erdman Penner|Erdman Penner]], [[w:Joe Rinaldi|Joe Rinaldi]], [[w:Ted Sears|Ted Sears]], [[w:Ralph Wright|Ralph Wright]]'' {{center|'''It will live in your heart forever! '''<small>([[#Taglines|taglines]])</small>}} ==Peter Pan== * ''[points at Neverland from afar]'' There it is, Wendy! The second star to the right and straight on till morning. ==Captain Hook== * ''[to Tinkerbell]'' Captain Hook gives his word not to lay a finger, or a hook, on Peter Pan. ==Narrator== * All this has happened before, and it will all happen again. But this time, it happened in London. It happened on a quiet street in Bloomsbury. That corner house over there is the home of the Darling family. And Peter Pan chose this particular house, because there were people here who believed in him. There was Mrs. Darling. Mrs. Darling believed that Peter Pan was the spirit of youth. But Mr. Darling... Well, Mr. Darling was a practical man. The boys, however, John and Michael, believed Peter Pan was a real person, and made him the hero of all their nursery games. Wendy, the eldest, not only believed. She was the supreme authority on Peter Pan and all his marvelous adventures. Nana, the nursemaid, being a dog, kept her opinions to herself, and viewed the whole affair with a certain tolerance. ==Dialogue== :'''Mary''': But, George, do you think the children will be safe without Nana? :'''George''': Safe? Of course they'll be safe. Why not? :'''Mary''': Well, Wendy said something about a shadow, and I... :'''George''': Shadow? Whose shadow? :'''Mary''': Peter Pan's. :'''George''': ''[realizes]'' PETER PAN?! You don't say. ''[high, mocking voice]'' Oh, goodness gracious! Whatever shall we do?! :'''Mary''': But, George... :'''George''': ''[normal voice]'' Sound the alarm! :'''Mary''': Really, I... :'''George''': Call Scotland Yard! :'''Mrs. Darling''': There must have been someone. :'''Mr. Darling''': Oh, Mary, of all the impossible childish fiddle-faddle... Peter Pan, indeed. How can we expect the children grow up and be practical when you’re as bad as they are? :'''Mrs. Darling''': George, dear. :'''Mr. Darling''': No wonder Wendy gets these idiotic ideas. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wendy''': I'm so glad you came back tonight. I might never have seen you. :'''Peter''': Why? :'''Wendy''': Because I have to grow up tomorrow. :'''Peter''': Grow up?! :'''Wendy''': Tonight's my last night in the nursery. :'''Peter''': But that means no more stories! :'''Wendy''': Mm-hmm. :'''Peter''': No! I won't have it! Come on! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Smee''': Oh, dear, dear, dear, Captain Hook. Shootin’ a man in the middle of his cadenza? That ain't good form, you know. :'''Hook''': "Good form," Mr. Smee? Blast good form! ''[waves his hook in front of Smee]'' Did Pan show good form when he did this to me?! :'''Smee''': Why, Captain, cutting your hand off was only a childish prank, you might say. :'''Hook''': Aye! But throwing it to that crocodile! That cursed beast liked the taste of me so well he's followed me ever since, licking his chops for the rest of me. <hr width=50%/> :'''Indian Chief''': [comes forward] How! :'''Lost Boys''': (Cubby) Uh, how! (Slightly) How, chief! :'''Indian Chief''': For many moons red man fight paleface Lost Boys. :'''Lost Boys''': Ugh? :'''Indian Chief''': Sometime you win, sometime we win. :'''Cubby''': Okay, Chief. Uh, you win this time. Now turn us loose. :'''John Darling''': Turn us loose? You mean this is only a game? :'''Slightly''': Sure. When we win, we turn them loose. :'''Twin #1''': And when they win, they turn us loose. :'''Twin #2''': They turn us loose. :'''Chief''': This time no turnum loose. :'''Lost Boys''': Huh? :'''Slightly''': ''[chuckling]'' The chief's a great spoofer. :'''Chief''': Me no spoofum! Where you hide Princess Tiger Lily?! :'''Cubby''': Uh, Tiger Lily? :'''Slightly''': We ain't got your ol' princess! :'''John''': I've certainly never seen her. :'''Lost Boys''': [agreeing] ''(Cubby)'' Me neither. ''[the twins]'' Honestly don't. :'''Chief''': Heap big lie. If Tiger Lily not back by sunset, burnum at stake! <hr width=50%/> :'''Smee''': Well, at last, Captain Hook's comin' to his senses. :'''Hook''': ''[surprised]'' Odd's fish! :'''Smee''': ''[to Tiger Lily]'' I told him all along you Indians wouldn't betray Peter Pan. :'''Hook''': ''[kindly]'' And just what do you think you are doing, Mr. Smee? :''[he stops the rowboat from moving by placing his foot on it]'' :'''Smee''': Just what you told me, Captain: carrying out your orders. :'''Hook''': My orders? :'''Smee''': Why, yes, Captain. Didn't you just say to go... :'''Hook''': ''[shoves the boat back into Skull Rock]'' Put her back, you blithering idiot! ''[to himself]'' My orders. Of all the bumbling... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Peter''': ''[impersonates Hook]'' Mr. Smee! Just exactly what do you think you are doing? :'''Smee''': Putting her back like you said, Captain. :'''Peter''': I said nothing of the sort! :'''Smee''': ''[stammers]'' But captain...! :'''Peter''': ''[whilst the real Hook creeps up to him unbeknownst]'' For the last time, Mr. Smee, take the princess back to her people! UNDERSTAND!? ''[echoes]'' :'''Smee''': Aye-aye, sir. :'''Peter''': Oh, and one more thing: When you return to the ship, tell the whole crew to help themselves to me best rum. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Peter''': Well, well. A codfish on a hook. :'''Hook''': I'll get you for this, Pan! If it's the last thing I do! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hook''': Could he but see within the package? Ho-ho! He would find an ingenious little device. :'''Smee''': Set, so that when the clock is like this... :'''Hook''': Peter Pan... will be BLASTED out of Never Land... forever. :'''Wendy''': No... :''[as the pirates laugh while Tinker Bell, who has been listening every word, tries to escape from the lantern and helps Peter]'' :'''Hook''': But time grows short. We have but... 18 seconds. 15 seconds. 13 seconds. :'''Peter''': Twelve seconds. Well, I guess I can open it now. ''[Tink arrives in the very last second]'' Hey, Tink. Look what Wendy left. ''[Tink about to pull the ribbon in the package but he stop him]'' Hey, stop that! Stop it! What's the matter with you? Hook? A bomb? Don't be ridiculous. :''[when the alarm ringing, Peter Pan looked alarmed as Tink takes out the package and suddenly... it explodes! Cut to outside at Hook's ship, Wendy, John, Michael and the lost boys looked horror and disbelief, believing Peter Pan is dead]'' :'''Hook''': And so passeth... a worthy opponent. :'''Smee''': Amen. :''[cut to Peter Pan survives the explosion, now ruined Hangman’s Tree]'' :'''Peter''': Hook... It was a bomb... Why, if it hadn’t been for Tink... ''[realizes Tinker Bell survived the bomb]'' Tinker Bell! Tink?! Tinker Bell?! ''[as Tinker Bell tinkling faintly]'' Where are you, Tink?! Tink?! Tinker Bell! ''[as she tinkling more faintly, he discovered to find Tinker Bell from the rubble, while debris fall in the process. As he can see her light...]'' Tink? Are you all right? Wendy? The boys? ''[Once again as the debris fall in the process. Then he crawling, about to save Tinker Bell from the debris]'' But I've gotta save you first! Hold on, Tink! Hold on! Don't go out. Don't you understand, Tink? You mean more to me than anything in this whole world. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Wendy has walked the plank, and Peter saves her, unbeknownst to Hook and his pirates]'' :'''Mr. Starkey''': No splash, Captain. :'''Hook''': So, you want a splash, Mr. Starkey? I'll give you a splash! ''[throws Starkey overboard]'' Who's next?! :'''Peter''': You're next, Hook! This time you've gone too far! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hook''': Fly! Fly! Fly! You coward! :'''Peter''': Coward?! Me? :'''Hook''': Ha-ha-ha! You wouldn't dare fight old Hook man-to-man. You'd fly away like a cowardly sparrow! :'''Peter''': Nobody calls Pan a coward and lives! I'll fight you man-to-man, with one hand behind my back. :'''Hook''': You mean you won't fly? :'''Wendy''': No, don't, Peter! It's a trick! :'''Peter''': I give my word, Hook. :'''Hook''': Good! Then let's have at it! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hook''': You wouldn't do old Hook in now, would you, lad? I'll go away forever. ''[cries]'' I'll do anything you say! :'''Peter''': Well, all right. If ya... Say you're a codfish. :'''Hook''': ''[gulps]'' I'm a codfish. :'''Peter''': Louder! :'''Hook''': ''[wailing]'' I'M A CODFISH! :'''Wendy and the boys''': HOORAY! ''[all sing]'' Hook is a codfish! :A codfish. :A codfish. :Hook is a codfish! :A codfish. :A codfish. :''[Tick-Tock is waiting below happily splashing his arms rhythmically in the water]'' :'''Peter''': All right, Hook. You're free to go and never return. ''[Throws Hook's sword away and crows like a rooster]'' :'''Wendy''': ''[Sees Hook ready to ambush Peter]'' Peter! == Taglines == * It will live in your heart forever! == About ''Peter Pan (1953 film)'' == * I had a particularly bad time getting started on Captain Hook. It was one of the low points of my life. These are the first scenes of him where he's walking, pacing the deck, saying, 'That Peter Pan! If I get my hook on him!,' or whatever. He was neither menacing nor foppish. This was because of the confusion in the minds of the director and story people. In story, Ed Penner had always seen Hook as a very foppish, not strong, dandy-type of guy, who loved all the finery. Gerry Geronimi, who was the director, saw him as an Ernest Torrence, a mean, heavy sort of character who used his hook menacingly. : Well, Walt could see something in both approaches, and I think he delighted in thinking, 'I wonder what the hell Thomas is going to do when he gets this.' If Walt would ever say, 'Aw, I don't know,' fifty people would jump up thinking, 'Here's my chance to impress Walt.' They'd say, 'I think his head's too big. I think his feet are too small. I think he's too this. I think he's too that,' hoping Walt would say, 'Yeah, I think you're right.' This time Walt came to my aid, fortunately. He said, 'Well, that last scene has something I like. I think you're beginning to get him. I think we better wait and let Frank go on a little further.' :* [[w:Frank Thomas (animator)|Frank Thomas]] [http://www.michaelbarrier.com/Interviews/ThomasJohnston1987/ThomasJohnston1987.html ''Thomas Johnston'' (1987)] == Cast == * [[w:Bobby Driscoll|Bobby Driscoll]] &ndash; Peter Pan (voice) * [[w:Kathryn Beaumont|Kathryn Beaumont]] &ndash; Wendy Darling (voice) * [[w:Billy De Wolfe|Billy De Wolfe]]/[[w:Bob Holt (actor)|Bob Holt]] &ndash; Captain Hook/George Darling (voice) * [[w:Jimmy Durante|Jimmy Durante]] &ndash; Mr. Smee/Other Pirates (voice) * [[w:Peg Dixon|Peg Dixon]] &ndash; Mary Darling (voice) * [[w:Bill Thompson (voice actor) |Bill Thompson]] &ndash; John Darling (voice) * [[w:Henry Gibson|Henry Gibson]] &ndash; Michael Darling (voice) * [[w:Candy Candido|Candy Candido]] &ndash; Indian Chief (voice) * [[w:Paul Frees|Paul Frees]] &ndash; Narrator (voice) * [[w:Robert Ellis (actor, born 1933)|Robert Ellis]] &ndash; Cubby (voice) * [[w:Simon Singer|Stuffy Singer]] &ndash; Slightly (voice) == See also == * ''[[Return to Never Land]]'', the 2002 sequel ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} * {{imdb title|0046183|Peter Pan}} * {{rotten-tomatoes|1016213-peter_pan|Peter Pan}} {{Authority control}} {{Walt Disney Animation Studios}} [[Category:1953 films]] [[Category:1953 animated films]] [[Category:1950s American animated films]] [[Category:Traditionally animated films]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure films]] [[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]] [[Category:Peter Pan films]] [[Category:Animated films set in London]] gqb30ktczl7l9ur6kn0wugtekys44d4 0 13959 3778922 3770431 2025-07-14T22:44:43Z California2003 3224630 /* Dialogue */ 3778922 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Toy Story 2 logo.svg|thumb|220x220px]] {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Toy Story 2|Toy Story 2]]''''' is a [[w:1999 in film|1999 film]] about toys who come to life when their owner leaves the room, and their adventures trying to rescue one of their members after he is stolen by Al, a toy collector. :''Directed by [[w:John Lasseter|John Lasseter]], [[w:Ash Brannon|Ash Brannon]] and [[w:Lee Unkrich|Lee Unkrich]]. Written by [[w:John Lasseter|John Lasseter]], [[w:Peter Docter|Peter Docter]], [[w:Ash Brannon|Ash Brannon]], [[w:Andrew Stanton|Andrew Stanton]], [[w:Rita Hsiao|Rita Hsiao]], [[w:Doug Chamberlain|Doug Chamberlain]] and [[w:Chris Webb|Chris Webb]]. {{center|'''The Toys Are Back In Town!''' ([[#Taglines|taglines]])}} == Woody == * Ride like the wind, Bullseye! == Buzz Lightyear == * Woody once risked his life to save me. I couldn't call myself his friend if I weren't willing to do the same. So, who's with me? == Dialogue == :'''Buzz''': Woody, you haven't found your hat yet, have you? :'''Woody''': No! And Andy's leaving for Cowboy Camp any minute, and I can't find it anywhere! :'''Buzz''': Don't worry, Woody. In just a few hours, you'll be sittin' around a campfire with Andy, makin' delicious, hot schmoes. :'''Woody''': They're called s'mores, Buzz. :'''Buzz''': Right. Right. Of course. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Later, a boy riding a bike throws a newspaper at the house. Woody is asleep when the car pulls up outside the house. He wakes up and sees Andy jumping out and riding on a toy horse]'' :'''Andy''': Yee-haw! Ride 'em, cowboy! Whoo! Yeah, giddy-up! Yeah, giddy-up! :'''Woody''': He's back? Hey, everybody! Andy's back! He's back early from cowboy camp! :''[The toys are playing cards and look up to Woody. Hamm is at the door and hears Andy's footsteps coming closer]'' :'''Hamm''': Places, everybody! Andy's coming! :''[The toys scatter to their places and Woody freezes as Andy enters the room]'' :'''Andy''': Yeah! ''[humming The Lone Ranger theme]'' Hey, Woody, did you miss me? Giddy-up, giddy-up, giddy-up, giddy-up. Ride 'em, cowboy! :''[Then he sees the rip in Woody's arm and his smile turns to a frown]'' :'''Andy''': Ohh, I forgot. You're broken. I don't want to play with you anymore. :''[Andy drops Woody and he falls towards the deck of cards on the floor and as he hits them, he keeps falling through the blue area until he goes into a black circle and lands in a trash can. Woody looks around to see lots of broken toy hands and parts beside him]'' :'''Woody''': ''[gasps]'' No. Andy! No! No, Andy! No! Andy, Andy, Andy! :''[The toy parts grab Woody by the neck and drag him downward as Andy appears]'' :'''Andy''': Byeee, Woody. :'''Woody''': No, no! ANDY! :''[Andy puts the lid on the bin, making it go black. Woody wakes up from a nightmare and sees his ripped arm around his neck]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Jessie''': Oh! Hey, look at us! We're a complete set! :'''Prospector''': Now it's on to the museum! :'''Woody''': Museum?! ''[stops running in surprise and slides into Jessie and Bullseye, knocking them and himself off the record and onto the table]'' What museum? :'''Prospector''': ''The'' museum! We're being sold to the Konishi Toy Museum in Tokyo! :'''Jessie''': That's in Japan! :'''Woody''': Japan? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I can't go to Japan. :'''Jessie''': ''[chuckles]'' What do you mean? :'''Woody''': I gotta get back home to my owner, Andy. Hey, look, look, see? :'''Jessie''': ''[gasps]'' He still has an owner. :'''Prospector''': Oh, my goodness. :'''Jessie''': No. Can't go. I can't do storage again. I just can't! :'''Prospector''': Jessie. Jessie. :'''Jessie''': ''[shaking his box frantically]'' I won't go back in the dark! :'''Woody''': Wh-What's the matter? What's wrong with her? :'''Prospector''': Well, we've been in storage for a long time, waiting for you. :'''Woody''': Why me? :'''Prospector''': The museum's only interested in the collection if you're in it, Woody. Without you, we go back into storage. It's that simple. :'''Jessie''': It's not FAIR! How can you do this to us?! :'''Woody''': Hey, look, I'm sorry, but this is all a big mistake. You see, I was in this yard sale, and-- :'''Prospector''': Yard sale? Why were you in a yard sale if you have an owner? :'''Woody''': Well, I wasn't supposed to be there. I was trying to save another toy when-- :'''Prospector''': Was it because you're damaged? Hmm? Did this Andy break you? :'''Woody''': Yeah, but... No, no, no, no! It was an accident. I mean-- :'''Jessie''': Sounds like he really loves you. :'''Woody''': It's not like that, okay?! And I'm not going to any museum! :'''Jessie''': Well, I'm not going back into storage! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Buzz''': Good work, men. Two blocks down, and only 19 more to go. :'''Rex''': What?! :'''Other toys''': 19?! :'''Mr. Potato Head''': Are we gonna do this all night? My parts are killing me. :'''Buzz''': Come on, fellas! Did Woody give up when Sid had me strapped to a rocket? :'''Other toys''': No. :'''Buzz''': No! And did he give up when you threw him out of the back of that moving van? :'''Mr. Potato Head''': Oh, ya had to bring ''that'' up. :'''Buzz''': No, he didn't! We have a friend in need, and we will not rest until he's safe in Andy's room! Now let's move out! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Buzz #2 uses Mr. Potato Head's eye to see what Woody and his roundup gang are up to in Al's apartment]'' :'''Buzz #2''': What's happening? :'''Mr. Potato Head''': ''[frightened]'' Oh, it's horrible! They're torturing him! :'''Rex''': ''[gasps]'' What are we gonna do, Buzz?! :'''Buzz #2''': Use your head! :''[he and the others use Rex as a battering ram]'' :'''Rex''': But I don't wanna use my head! :''[they quickly charge at the vent and break through to the apartment]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Woody''': Nah, Buzz. ''[sighs]'' I can't go. I can't abandon these guys. They need me to get into this museum. Without me, they'll go back into storage. Maybe forever. :'''Buzz''': Woody, you're not a collector's item. You're a child's plaything. You... are... A TOY! :'''Woody''': For how much longer? One more rip, and Andy's done with me. And what do I do then, Buzz? Huh? You tell me! :'''Buzz''': Somewhere in that pad of stuffing is a toy who taught me that life's only worth living if you're being loved by a kid. And I traveled all this way to rescue that toy, because I believed him. :'''Woody''': Well, you wasted your time. :'''Buzz''': Let's go, everyone. :'''Slinky''': What about Woody? :'''Buzz''': He's not coming with us. :'''Rex''': But Andy's coming home tonight. :'''Buzz''': Then we'd better make sure we're there waiting for him. :''[the other toys make their way back to the vent]'' :'''Woody''': I don't have a choice, Buzz. This is my only chance. :'''Buzz''': To do what, Woody? Watch kids from behind glass and never be loved again? Some life. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Woody''': ''[after seeing a human boy hugging him on the set of "Woody's Roundup"]'' What am I doing? Buzz! Wait! Wait! :'''Prospector''': Woody, where are you going? :'''Woody''': You're right, Prospector. I can't stop Andy from growing up... but I wouldn't miss it for the world. ''[runs to the heat duct]'' :'''Prospector''': No! <hr width="50%"/> :''[right when the Prospector is out of his box, he rudely screws the heat duct back in place to prevent the rest of the gang's escape]'' :'''Prospector''': I tried reasoning with you, Woody, but you keep forcing me to take extreme measures. ''[angrily taps his pickaxe onto the remote, turning off the TV]'' :'''Woody''': Wait a minute. You turned on the TV last night, not Jessie! :'''Prospector''': Look, we have an eternity to spend together at the museum. Let's not start off by pointing fingers, shall we? :'''Woody''': You really are Stinky Pete, aren't you? :'''Jessie''': Prospector, this isn't fair! :'''Prospector''': Fair? I'll tell you what's not fair: Spending a lifetime on a dime-store shelf watching every other toy be sold! Well, finally my waiting has paid off, and no hand-me-down cowboy doll is gonna mess it up for me now! ''[angrily throws his box back into his display case]'' :'''Woody''': Buzz! Help, Buzz! Guys! :'''Prospector''': It's too late, Woody! That silly Buzz Lightweight can't help you. :'''Woody''': His name is Buzz Lightyear! :'''Prospector''': Whatever. I've always hated those upstart space toys. ''[angrily climbs back into his box]'' <hr width="50%"/> :[[The Empire Strikes Back|'''Zurg''': Surrender, Buzz Lightyear. I have won.<br>'''Buzz #2''': I'll never give in! You killed my father!<br>'''Zurg''': No, Buzz. I ''am'' your father.<br>'''Buzz #2''': '''NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!''']] <hr width="50%"/> :''[last lines]'' :'''Buzz''': You still worried? :'''Woody''': About Andy? Nah. It'll be fun while it lasts. :'''Buzz''': I'm proud of you, cowboy. :'''Woody''': Besides, when it all ends, I'll have old Buzz Lightyear to keep me company... for infinity and beyond. == Taglines == * The Toys Are Back! * The Toys Are Back In Town! == Cast (voices) == * [[Tom Hanks]] as Woody * [[Tim Allen]] as Buzz Lightyear/Utility Belt Buzz * [[w:Joan Cusack|Joan Cusack]] as Jessie * [[Kelsey Grammer]] as Stinky Pete * [[w:Don Rickles|Don Rickles]] as Mr. Potato Head * [[w:Jim Varney|Jim Varney]] as Slinky Dog * [[w:Wallace Shawn|Wallace Shawn]] as Rex * [[w:John Ratzenberger|John Ratzenberger]] as Hamm * [[w:Annie Potts|Annie Potts]] as Bo Peep * [[w:Wayne Knight|Wayne Knight]] as Al McWhiggin * [[w:John Morris (actor)|John Morris]] as Andy Davis * [[w:Laurie Metcalf|Laurie Metcalf]] as Jennifer Davis * [[w:Estelle Harris|Estelle Harris]] as Mrs. Potato Head * [[w:R. Lee Ermey|R. Lee Ermey]] as Sarge * [[Jodi Benson]] as Tour Guide Barbie * [[w:Jonathan Harris|Jonathan Harris]] as The Cleaner * [[w:Joe Ranft|Joe Ranft]] as Wheezy (speaking voice) ** [[w:Robert Goulet|Robert Goulet]] (singing voice) * [[w:Andrew Stanton|Andrew Stanton]] as Emperor Zurg * [[w:Jeff Pidgeon|Jeff Pidgeon]] as Squeeze Toy Aliens/Mr. Spell == External links == {{wikipedia-inline}} *{{IMDb title|id=0120363|title=Toy Story 2}} {{Toy Story}} {{Pixar}} [[Category:1999 animated films]] [[Category:American films]] [[Category:Animated comedy films]] [[Category:Animated fantasy films]] [[Category:Computer-animated films]] [[Category:Sequel films]] [[Category:Lee Unkrich films]] [[Category:Screenplays by John Lasseter]] [[Category:Screenplays by Pete Docter]] [[Category:Toy Story]] [[Category:Films directed by Ash Brannon]] [[Category:Films directed by John Lasseter]] [[Category:1990s English-language films]] pntd3dww59fcnajovh6zkloe9pge6xl 0 14089 3779053 3777835 2025-07-15T09:39:57Z 2001:8003:DC14:0:FD5D:E728:7CDB:BCED 3779053 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Maimònides.jpg|thumb|right|Accept the truth from whatever source it comes.]] '''[[w:Maimonides|Moshe ben Maimon]]''' (Hebrew: רבי משה בן מיימון; Arabic: موسى بن ميمون بن عبد الله القرطبي الإسرائيلي / '''Mussa bin Maimun ibn Abdallah al-Kurtubi al-Israili'''; [[1135]] or [[1138]] – [[12 December]] [[1204]]), commonly known as '''Moses Maimonides''', was a Jewish rabbi, physician, and philosopher. He was born in Spain, but spent most of his life in Egypt. His works ranged from a commentary on the [[w:Mishnah|Mishnah]] to his Code of Law (summarising the whole of Jewish law) and the philosophical work, the ''[[w:Guide for the Perplexed|Guide for the Perplexed]]''. == Quotes == [[File:Maimonides statue - Cordoba.jpg|thumb| We are obligated to be more scrupulous in fulfilling the commandment of charity than any other positive commandment because charity is the sign of a righteous man.]] [[File:maimonides--blackstones-ratio.jpg|thumb|It is better and more satisfactory to acquit a thousand guilty persons than to put a single innocent one to death.]] * '''[…] one should accept the truth from whatever source it proceeds.''' ** Foreword to ''The Eight Chapters Of Maimonides On Ethics'', translated by Joseph I. Gorfinkle, Ph.D. Columbia University Press, New York (1912). [https://archive.org/details/eightchaptersofm00maim/page/34/mode/2up Page 35-36]. ** Variant: "Accept the truth from whatever source it comes." Introduction to the ''Shemonah Peraqim'', as quoted in ''Truth and Compassion: Essays on Judaism and Religion in Memory of Rabbi Dr. Solomon Frank'' (1983) Edited by Howard Joseph, Jack Nathan Lightstone, and Michael D. Oppenheim, p. 168 ** Variant: You must accept the truth from whatever source it comes. * There is one [disease] which is widespread, and from which men rarely escape. This disease varies in degree in different men … I refer to this: that '''every person thinks his mind … more clever and more learned than it is''' … I have found that this disease has attacked many an intelligent person … They … express themselves [not only] upon the science with which they are familiar, but upon other sciences about which they know nothing … '''If met with applause … so does the disease itself become aggravated.''' ** ''Aphorisms''. Quoted in ''Bulletin of the History of Medicine'', Vol. 3 (1935), p. 555 ** ''Chambers Dictionary of Quotations'' (1997), p. 640 * '''It is better and more satisfactory to acquit a thousand guilty persons than to put a single innocent one to death.''' ** ''[[w:Sefer Hamitzvot| Sefer Hamitzvot]]'' [''Book of the Commandments''], commentary on Negative Commandment 290, as translated by Charles B. Chavel (1967); also in ''Defending the Human Spirit : Jewish Law's Vision for a Moral Society'' (2006) by Warren Goldstein, p. 269 * '''We are obligated to be more scrupulous in fulfilling the commandment of charity than any other positive commandment because charity is the sign of a righteous man.''' ** As quoted in ''A Maimonides Reader'' (1972) by Isadore Twersky, p. 135. A footnote on this page states : ''tzedekah'' is translated as both "[[w:Righteousness|righteousness]]" and "[[w:Charity (practice)|charity]]". * '''One who is in a dying condition is regarded as a living person in all respects.''' It is not permitted to bind his jaws, to stop up the organs of the lower extremities, or to place metallic or cooling vessels upon his navel in order to prevent swelling. He is not to be rubbed or washed, nor is sand or salt to be put upon him until he expires. He who touches him is guilty of shedding blood. '''To what may he be compared? To a flickering flame, which is extinguished as soon as one touches it. Whoever closes the eyes of the dying while the soul is about to depart is shedding blood.''' One should wait a while; perhaps he is only in a swoon. ** [http://www.myjewishlearning.com/ideas_belief/bioethics/Bioethics_Euthanasia_TO/Bioethics_EuthanMedi_Rosner.htm Biomedical Ethics and Jewish Law], published by [http://www.ktav.com/ KTAV] === ''[[w:Halakha|Hilkhot]] De'ot'' (Laws Concerning Character Traits) === <small>in ''The Ethical Writings of Maimonides'' (Dover:1975)</small> * There shall always be much silence in a man's conduct. He shall speak only about a matter concerned with wisdom or matters that are necessary to keep his body alive. ** Chapter 2, Section 4, p. 32 * Silence is a fence around wisdom. ** Chapter 2, Section 5, p. 33 * A man shall not be full of laughter and mockery, nor sad and mournful, but joyful. ... His desire shall not be so great that he rushes for wealth, nor shall he be lazy and refrain from working. But he shall live in contentment, have a modest occupation, and be occupied mainly with the Torah. ** Chapter 2, Section 7, p. 33 * No matter how small his portion, let him rejoice in it. ** Chapter 2, Section 7, p. 33 * It is forbidden to dwell in the vicinity of any of those with an evil tongue, and all the more to sit with them and listen to their words. ** Chapter 7, Section 6, pp. 51-52 <small>as translated by Eliyahu Touger [http://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/910340/jewish/Deot-Chapter-One.htm Full text online]</small> *The Torah sage ... does not encroach upon another's occupation, nor does he ever cause someone discomfort. The rule is that he should be among the pursued and not the pursuers, among those who accept humiliation but not among those who humiliate others. ** Chapter 5, Section 13 * It is natural for a man's character and actions to be influenced by his friends and associates and for him to follow the local norms of behavior. Therefore, he should associate with the righteous and be constantly in the company of the wise, so as to learn from their deeds. Conversely, he should keep away from the wicked who walk in darkness, so as not to learn from their deeds. ** Chapter 6, Section 1 * A person who lives in a place where the norms of behavior are evil and the inhabitants do not follow the straight path should move to a place where the people are righteous and follow the ways of the good.<p>If all the places with which he is familiar and of which he hears reports follow improper paths, as in our times, ... he should remain alone in seclusion. ...<p>If they are wicked and sinful and do not allow him to reside there unless he mingle with them and follow their evil behavior, he should go out to caves, thickets, and deserts. ** Chapter 6, Section 1 === ''[[w:Mishneh Torah|Mishneh Torah]]'' (''c''. 1180) === [[File:Nicolas Poussin - L'Adoration du Veau d'or.jpg|thumb|right|After a long time the great and awful Name was forgotten and the people, men, women and children, only recognized an image of wood or stone and the temple of wood or stone which they had been brought up from infancy to serve by bowing down. ... [[Abraham]] ... knew that all were mistaken and that what caused them to err was worship of the images which drove the Truth out of their minds.]] [[File:Torah scroll writing.jpg|thumb|right|"One must be careful with regard to the form of the letters." ([http://www.sefaria.org/Mishneh_Torah%2C_Tefillin%2C_Mezuzah_and_the_Torah_Scroll.1.19 ''Sefer Ahavah'' 1:19])]] * '''When a man reflects on these things, studies all these created beings, from the angels and spheres down to human beings and so on, and realizes the divine wisdom manifested in them all, his love for God will increase, his soul will thirst, his very flesh will yearn to love God.''' He will be filled with fear and trembling, as he becomes conscious of his lowly condition, poverty, and insignificance, and compares himself with any of the great and holy bodies; still more when he compares himself with any one of the pure forms that are incorporeal and have never had association with any corporeal substance. He will then realize that he is a vessel full of shame, dishonor, and reproach, empty and deficient. ** Book 1 (''Sefer HaMadda'<!--[sic]-->''), 4.12 * Thus they shall not miss this particular branch of the many branches of the Law and will have no need to roam and ramble about in other books in search of information on matters set forth in this treatise. ** Book 3 (''Sefer Zemanim'' "Times"), Treatise 8 (''Kiddush HaChodesh'' "Sanctification of the New Moon"), closing words * ועל זה נאמר והחזקת בו גר ותושב וחי עמך כלומר החזק בו עד שלא<br>:יפול ויצטרך (translation needed) * For it is said, "You shall strengthen the stranger and the dweller in your midst and live with him," that is to say, strengthen him until he needs no longer fall upon the mercy of the community or be in need. ** Book 7 (''Sefer Zera'im'' "Seeds"), Treatise 2 (''Mattenot Aniyiim'' "Laws of obligatory gifts to the poor"), Chapter (''Perek'') 10, ''Halacha'' 7 (Translated by Jonathan J. Baker.)<!--http://www.panix.com/~jjbaker/rmbmzdkh.html--> ** ''Variant'': Concerning this [Leviticus 25:35] states: "You shall support him, the stranger, the resident, and he shall live among you." Implied is that you should support him before he falls and becomes needy. (Translated by Eliyahu Touger.)<!-- http://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/7119/jewish/Perek-10.htm / http://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/986711/jewish/Chapter-10.htm --> * Every Israelite has a duty to study whether he is poor or rich, whether healthy or suffering, whether young or very old and in failing strength, even if he is poor and supported by charity or begs from door to door. ** Treatise 3: “The Study of the Torah,” Chapter 1, Section 8, H. Russell, trans. (1983), p. 51 * For how long is it a duty to study the Law? To the day of death. ** Treatise 3: “The Study of the Torah,” Chapter 1, Section 9, H. Russell, trans. (1983), p. 52 * An artisan busies himself with his work for three hours each day and spends nine hours in study. ** Treatise 3: “The Study of the Torah,” Chapter 1, Section 12, H. Russell, trans. (1983), p. 52 * A scholar ... should turn his ears from the talk of the illiterate and not take it to heart. ** Treatise 3: “The Study of the Torah,” H. Russell, trans. (1983), p. 69 * After a long time the great and awful Name was forgotten and the people, men, women and children, only recognized an image of wood or stone and the temple of wood or stone which they had been brought up from infancy to serve by bowing down. ** “Idolatry,” H. Russell, trans. (1983), p. 72 * [[Abraham]] ... was sunk in [[w:Ur of the Chaldees|Ur of the Chaldees]] among foolish idolaters. His father and mother and all the people worshipped the stars. ... He knew that all were mistaken and that what caused them to err was worship of the images which drove the Truth out of their minds. ... It was proper to destroy and smash the idols so that the people should not err by them like those who think there is no god save images. ** Treatise 4: “Idolatry,” H. Russell, trans. (1983), p. 73 * The fundamental imperative about [[idolatry]] was that worship was not to be paid to any created thing such as a messenger, a planet, a star, one of the four elements, or to anything produced from them. ** Treatise 4: “Idolatry,” H. Russell, trans. (1983), p. 74 * One must be careful with regard to the form of the letters, so that a ''[[w:Yodh (letter)|yud]]'' will not resemble a ''[[w:Waw (letter)|vav]]'', nor a ''[[w:Waw (letter)|vav]]'' a ''[[w:Yodh (letter)|yud]]''; a ''[[w:Kaph (letter)|kaf]]'' should not resemble a ''[[w:Bet (letter)|beit]]'', nor a ''[[w:Bet (letter)|beit]]'' a ''[[w:Kaph (letter)|kaf]]''; a ''[[w:Dalet (letter)|dalet]]'' should not resemble a ''[[w:Resh (letter)|resh]]'', nor a ''[[w:Resh (letter)|resh]]'' a ''[[w:Dalet (letter)|dalet]]''. ** [http://www.sefaria.org/Mishneh_Torah%2C_Tefillin%2C_Mezuzah_and_the_Torah_Scroll.1.19 ''Sefer Ahavah'', "Tefillin, Mezuzah and the Torah Scroll" 1:19] === ''[[w:Guide for the Perplexed|Guide for the Perplexed]]'' (''c.'' 1190) === [[File:Maimonides bas-relief in the U.S. House of Representatives chamber.jpg|thumb|A sensible man should not demand of me, or hope that when we mention a subject, we shall make a complete exposition of it.]] :<small>Hebrew:מורה נבוכים, translit. ''Moreh Nevuchim,'' [[s:The Guide for the Perplexed (1904)|''The Guide for the Perplexed'' (1904)]] at Wikisource, as translated by [[w:Michael Friedlander|Michael Friedlander]].</small> ==== Introduction ==== [[File:Córdoba-Judería-Maimónides-20110917.jpg|thumb|Do not [[imagine]] that these most difficult problems can be thoroughly [[understood]] by any one of us. This is not the case.]] * '''I have composed this work neither for the common people, nor for beginners, nor for those who occupy themselves only with the Law as it is handed down without concerning themselves with its principles. The design of this work is rather to promote the true [[understanding]] of the real spirit of the Law''', to guide those religious persons who, adhering to the Torah, have studied philosophy and are embarrassed by the contradictions between the teachings of philosophy and the literal sense of the Torah. ** As quoted in [http://www.jewishencyclopedia.com/view.jsp?artid=905&letter=M ''The Jewish Encyclopedia'' (12 vols. 1901-1906)] * '''A sensible man should not demand of me, or [[hope]] that when we mention a subject, we shall make a complete exposition of it.''' * '''My object in adopting this arrangement is that the truths should be at one time apparent and at another time concealed.''' Thus we shall not be in opposition to the Divine Will (from which it is wrong to deviate) which has withheld from the multitude the truths required for the [[knowledge]] of God, according to the words, "The [[secret]] of the Lord is with them that fear Him." (Psalm 25:14) * '''Do not imagine that these most difficult problems can be thoroughly [[understood]] by any one of us. This is not the case.''' At times the truth shines so brilliantly that we perceive it as clear as day. Our nature and habit then draw a veil over our perception, and we return to a darkness almost as dense as before. We are like those who, though beholding frequent flashes of [[lightning]], still find themselves in the thickest [[darkness]] of the [[night]]. On some the lightning flashes in rapid succession, and they seem to be in continuous light, and their night is as clear as the day. This was the degree of prophetic excellence attained by ([[Moses]]) the greatest of prophets, to whom [[God]] said," But as for thee, stand thou here by Me" (Deut. v. 31), and of whom it is written" the skin of his face shone," etc. (Exod. xxxiv. 29). [Some perceive the prophetic flash at long intervals; this is the degree of most prophets.] By others only once during the whole night is a flash of lightning perceived. This is the case with those of whom we are informed," They prophesied, and did not prophesy again" (Num. xi. 25). There are some to whom the flashes of lightning appear with varying intervals; others are in the condition of men, whose darkness is illumined not by lightning, but by some kind of crystal or similar stone, or other substances that possess the property of shining during the night; and to them even this small amount of light is not continuous, but now it shines and now it vanishes, as if it were" the flame of the rotating [[sword]]." * You must know that if a person, who has attained a certain degree of [[perfection]], wishes to impart to others, either orally or in writing, any portion of the [[knowledge]] which he has acquired of these subjects, he is utterly unable to be as systematic and explicit as he could be in a science of which the method is well known. '''The same difficulties which he encountered when investigating the subject for himself will attend him when endeavouring to instruct others''': viz., at one time the explanation will appear lucid, at another time, obscure: this property of the subject appears to remain the same both to the advanced scholar and to the beginner. '''For this reason, great theological scholars gave instruction in all such matters only by means of [[metaphors]] and [[w:Allegory|allegories]].''' * You are no doubt aware that the Almighty, desiring to lead us to perfection and to improve our state of society, has revealed to us laws which are to regulate our actions. These laws, however, presuppose an advanced state of intellectual culture. We must first form a conception of the Existence of the Creator according to our capabilities; that is, we must have a [[knowledge]] of [[Metaphysics]]. But this discipline can only be approached after the study of [[Physics]]: for the science of Physics borders on Metaphysics, and must even precede it in the course of our studies, as is clear to all who are familiar with these questions. * In my larger work, the Mishnah Torah, I have contented myself with briefly stating the principles of our faith and its fundamental truths, together with such hints as approach a clear exposition. In this work, however, I address those who have studied philosophy and have acquired sound [[knowledge]], and who while firm in religious matters are perplexed and bewildered on account of the ambiguous and figurative expressions employed in the holy writings. * The [[key]] to the understanding and to the full comprehension of all that the Prophets have said is found in the [[knowledge]] of the figures, their general [[ideas]], and the [[meaning]] of each [[word]] they contain. * Know that the figures employed by prophets are of two kinds: first, where every word which occurs in the [[w:Simile|simile]] represents a certain idea: and secondly, where the simile, as a whole, represents a general idea, but has a great many points which have no reference whatever to that idea: they are simply required to give to the simile its proper form and order, or better to conceal the idea: the simile is therefore continued as far as [[necessary]], according to its literal sense. Consider this well. * I rely on two precedents: first, to similar cases our Sages applied the verse, "It is time to do something in honour of the Lord: for they have made void thy law"... Secondly, they have said, "Let all thy acts be guided by pure intentions." ...Lastly, '''when I have a difficult subject before me—when I find the road narrow, and can see no other way of teaching a well established truth except by pleasing one intelligent man and displeasing ten thousand fools—I prefer to address myself to the one man, and to take no notice whatever of the condemnation of the multitude; I prefer to extricate that intelligent man from his embarrassment and show him the cause of his perplexity, so that he may attain perfection and be at [[peace]].''' '''Introductory Remarks on Method ''' * There are seven causes of inconsistencies and contradictions to be met with in a literary work. The first cause arises from the fact that the author collects the [[opinions]] of various men, each differing from the other, but neglects to mention the name of the author of any particular opinion. In such a work contradictions or inconsistencies must occur, since any two statements may belong to two different authors. Second cause: The author holds at first one opinion which he subsequently rejects: in his work, however, both his original and altered views are retained. Third cause: The passages in question are not all to be taken literally: some only are to be understood in their literal sense, while in others figurative language is employed, which includes another meaning besides the literal one: or, in the apparently inconsistent passages, figurative language is employed which, if taken literally, would seem to be contradictories or contraries. Fourth cause: The premises are not identical in both statements, but for certain reasons they are not fully stated in these passages: or two propositions with different subjects which are expressed by the same term without having the difference in meaning pointed out, occur in two passages. The contradiction is therefore only apparent, but there is no contradiction in reality. The fifth cause is traceable to the use of a certain method adopted in teaching and expounding profound problems. Namely, a difficult and obscure theorem must sometimes be mentioned and assumed as known, for the illustration of some elementary and intelligible subject which must be taught beforehand the commencement being always made with the easier thing. The teacher must therefore facilitate, in any manner which he can devise, the explanation of those theorems, which have to be assumed as known, and he must content himself with giving a general though somewhat inaccurate notion on the subject. It is, for the present, explained according to the capacity of the students, that they may comprehend it as far as they are required to understand the subject. Later on, the same subject is thoroughly treated and fully developed in its right place. Sixth cause: The contradiction is not apparent, and only becomes evident through a series of premises. The larger the number of premises necessary to prove the contradiction between the two conclusions, the greater is the chance that it will escape detection, and that the author will not perceive his own inconsistency. Only when from each conclusion, by means of suitable premises, an inference is made, and from the enunciation thus inferred, by means of proper arguments, other conclusions are formed, and after that process has been repeated many times, then it becomes clear that the original conclusions are contradictories or contraries. Even able writers are liable to overlook such inconsistencies. If, however, the contradiction between the original statements can at once be discovered, and the author, while writing the second, does not think of the first, he evinces a greater deficiency, and his words deserve no notice whatever. Seventh cause: It is sometimes necessary to introduce such metaphysical matter as may partly be disclosed, but must partly be concealed: while, therefore, on one occasion the object which the author has in view may demand that the metaphysical problem be treated as solved in one way, it may be convenient on another occasion to treat it as solved in the opposite way. The author must endeavour, by concealing the fact as much as possible, to prevent the uneducated reader from perceiving the contradiction. * Having concluded these introductory remarks I proceed to examine those expressions, to the true meaning of which, as apparent from the context, it is necessary to direct your attention. '''This book will then be a key admitting to places the gates of which would otherwise be closed. When the gates are opened and men enter, their souls will enjoy repose, their eyes will be gratified, and even their bodies, after all toil and labour, will be refreshed.''' ==== Part I ==== [[File:Plaza de Tiberíades con estatua de Maimónides.jpg|thumb|When man is able to comprehend certain things, it does not follow that he must be able to comprehend everything.]] * Far from it be the notion that the Supreme Being is corporeal, having a material form.<!--p.33 (1881) Tr. Friedlander--> * It is the function of the intellect to discriminate between the true and the false—a distinction which is applicable to all objects of intellectual perception.<!--p.36 (1881) Tr. Friedlander--> * There is no difference whether a person stand at the centre of the earth or at the highest point of the ninth sphere... he is no further away from God in the one case, or nearer to Him in the other; those only approach Him who obtain a knowledge of Him; while those who remain ignorant of Him recede from Him. ...I shall further elucidate... what constitutes the difference in our perception of God.<!--p.72 (1881) Tr. Friedlander--> * Know that for the human mind there are certain objects of perception which are within the scope of its nature and capacity; on the other hand, there are, amongst things which actually exist, certain objects which the mind can in no way and by no means grasp: the gates of perception are closed against it. Further, there are things of which the mind understands one part, but remains ignorant of the other; and '''when man is able to comprehend certain things, it does not follow that he must be able to comprehend everything.'''<!--p.106 (1881) Tr. Friedlander--> * Time is composed of time-atoms, i.e., of many parts, which on account of their short duration, cannot be divided. The [[w:Jewish Kalam|Mutakallemim]] undoubtedly saw how [[Aristotle]] proved that time, space, and locomotion are of the same nature. ...They, therefore, knew that if time were continuous and divisible ''ad infinitum'', their assumed atom of space would of necessity likewise be divisible. Similarly, if it were supposed that space were continuous... the time-element... could also be divided. This has been shown by Aristotle in... ''Acroasis'' [''Aristotelis stagyritae acroases physicae'']. ...An hour is, e.g., divided into sixty minutes, the second into sixty parts and so on; at last after ten or more successive divisions by sixty, time-elements are obtained which are not subjected to division, and in fact are indivisible.<!--p.121 (1919) Tr. Friedlander--> * '''Know that this Universe, in its entirety, is nothing else but one individual being'''; that is to say, the outermost heavenly sphere, together with all included therein, is as regards individuality beyond all question a single being like Said and Omar. The variety of its substances—I mean the substances of that sphere and all its component parts—is like the variety of the substances of a human being: just as, e.g., Said is one individual, consisting of various solid substances, such as flesh, bones, sinews of various humours, and of various spiritual elements; in like manner this sphere in its totality is composed of the celestial orbs, the four elements and their combinations; there is no vacuum whatever therein, but the whole space is filled up with matter. Its centre is occupied by the earth, earth is surrounded by water, air encompasses the water, fire envelopes the air, and this again is enveloped by the fifth substance ([[w:Aether (classical element)|quintessence]]). These substances form numerous spheres, one being enclosed within another so that no intermediate empty space, no vacuum, is left. One sphere surrounds and closely joins the other. All the spheres revolve with constant uniformity, without acceleration or retardation; that is to say, each sphere retains its individual nature as regards its velocity and the peculiarity of its motion; it does not move at one time quicker, at another slower. Compared with each other, however, some of the spheres move with less, others with greater velocity. The outermost, all-encompassing sphere, revolves with the greatest speed; it completes its revolution in one day, and causes every thing to participate in its motion, just as every particle of a thing moves when the entire body is in motion; for all existing beings stand in the same relation to that sphere as a part of a thing stands to the whole. These spheres have not a common centre; the centres of some of them are identical with the centre of the Universe, while those of the rest are different from it. Some of the spheres have a motion independent of that of the whole Universe, constantly revolving from East to West, while other spheres move from West to East. The stars contained in those spheres are part of their respective orbits; they are fixed in them, and have no motion of their own, but participating in the motion of the sphere of which they are a part, they themselves appear to move. The entire substance of this revolving fifth element is unlike the substance of those bodies which consist of the other four elements, and are enclosed by the fifth element.<!--pp.288-292 (1881) Tr. Friedlander--> * Through the constant revolution of the fifth element, with all contained therein, the four elements are forced to move and to change their respective positions, so that fire and air are driven into the water, and again these three elements enter the depth of the earth. Thus are the elements mixed together; and when they return to their respective places, parts of the earth, in quitting their places, move together with the water, the air and the fire. In this whole process the elements act and react upon each other. The elements intermixed, are then combined, and form at first various kinds of vapours; afterwards the several kinds of minerals, every species of plants, and many species of living beings, according to the relative proportion of the constituent parts. All transient beings have their origin in the elements, into which again they resolve when their existence comes to an end. The elements themselves are subject to being transformed from one into another; for although one substance is common to all, substance without form is in reality impossible, just as the physical form of these transient beings cannot exist without substance.<!--pp.294-295 (1881) Tr. Friedlander--> * [T]he principal part in the human body, namely, the heart, is in constant motion, and is the source of every motion noticed in the body; it rules over the other members, and communicates to them through its own pulsations the force required for their functions. The outermost sphere by its motion rules in a similar way over all other parts of the universe, and supplies all things with their special properties. Every motion in the universe has thus its origin in the motion of that sphere; and '''the soul of every animated being derives its origin from the soul of that same sphere'''.<!--p. 296 (1881) Tr. Friedlander--> ==== Part II ==== * Now if [[Aristotle]] had conclusive proofs for his theory, he would not have considered it necessary to support it by citing the opinions of preceding Physicists, nor would he have found it necessary to point out the folly and absurdity of his opponents. '''For a truth, once established by proof, does neither gain force nor certainty by the consent of all scholars, nor lose by the general dissent.''' ** Ch.15 ==== Part III ==== [[File:Measure of men.jpg|thumb|However great the exertion of our [[mind]] may be to comprehend the Divine Being or any of the [[ideals]], we find a screen and partition between [[God]] and us.]] [[File:Maimonides Tomb IMG 5904.JPG|thumb|right|If men possessed wisdom, which stands in the same relation to the form of man as the sight to the eye, they would not cause any injury to themselves or to others, for the knowledge of the truth removes hatred and quarrels, and prevents mutual injuries.]] :''Note: the following quotes are taken from [http://books.google.com/books?id=2CUwAAAAYAAJ& The Guide of the Perplexed of Maimonides, Volume 3], 1885 translation by [[w:Michael Friedländer|Michael Friedländer]]'' * If I had omitted setting down something of that which has appeared to me as clear, so that the [[knowledge]] would perish when I perish, as is inevitable, I should have considered that conduct as extremely cowardly with regard to you and everyone who is perplexed. ** Introduction * '''To give a full [[explanation]] of the [[mystic]] passages of the Bible is contrary to the [[law]] and to [[reason]]; besides, my knowledge of them is based on reasoning, not on divine inspiration''' [and is therefore not infallible]. ...It is... possible that my view is wrong, and that I misunderstand passages referred to. ...Those, however, for whom this treatise has been composed, will, on reflecting on it and thoroughly examining each chapter, obtain a clear insight into all that has been clear and intelligible to me. This is the utmost that can be done in treating this subject so to be useful to all without fully explaining it. ** Introduction * You will not find it strange that I mention the explanation of Jonathan, son of [[w:Uzziel|Uzziel]], whilst I give a different explanation myself; for you will find many of the wise men and the commentators differ from him in the interpretation of some words and in many things respecting the prophets. Why should it be otherwise in these profound matters? Besides, I do not decide in favour of my interpretation. It is for you to learn both—the whole of his explanation, from what I have pointed out to you, and also my own explanation. God knoweth which of the two explanations is in accordance with that which the prophet intended to say. ** Ch.4 * The generation of [[Isaiah]] did not require the detailed description; his account, "I saw the Lord," &c., sufficed. The generation of the [[w:Babylonian_captivity|Babylonian exile]] wanted to learn all the details. ...Isaiah was so familiar with it that he did not consider it necessary to communicate it to others as a new thing, especially as it was well known to the intelligent. ** Ch.6 * We must consider the words, "the heavens were opened" ([[s:Bible_(World_English)/Ezekiel#Chapter_1|Ezek. i.]] 1); they give the key to the understanding of the whole. The figure of opening, also that of opening the gates, occurs frequently in the books of the prophets... When he commences to describe the [[w:Firmament|firmament]] in detail, he says, "the firmament," without adding the words "the likeness of," for he says, "And I looked, and behold, in the firmament that was above the head of the [[w:Cherub#Post-biblical_Judaism|cherubims]] there appeared over them as it were a sapphire stone, as the appearance of the likeness of a throne" ([[s:Bible_(World_English)/Ezekiel#Chapter_10|Ezek x.]] 1). Here the prophet speaks of "the firmament" and not of "the likeness of the firmament,"... ** Ch.7 * He [ [[w:Ezekiel|Ezekiel]] ] further says, "As the appearance of the bow that is in the cloud in the day of the rain, so was the appearance of the brightness round about. This was the appearance of the likeness of the glory," ([[s:Bible_(World_English)/Ezekiel#Chapter_1|i.]] 28). The substance and the true essence of the bow described here is well known. The simile and comparison is in this case very extraordinary, and is undoubtedly part of the prophecy; and note it well. ** Ch.7 * The likeness of man above the throne is divided, the upper part being the colour of ''chashmal'', the lower part like the appearance of fire. As regards the word ''chashmal'', it has been explained to be the compound of two words ''chas'' and ''mal'', including two different notions, viz., ''chash'' signifying "swiftness," and ''mal'' denoting "pause." The two different notions are here joined in one word in order to indicate figuratively the two different parts,—the upper part and the lower. We have already given a second explanation, namely, that chashmal includes the two notions of speach and silence; in accordance with the saying of our Sages, "At times they are silent,at times they speak." ** Ch.7 * '''God cannot be compared to anything. Note this.''' ** Ch.7 * '''Transient bodies are only subject to destruction through their substance and not through their form, nor can the essence of their form be destroyed; in this respect they are permanent.''' ** Ch.8 * '''No form remains permanently in a substance; a constant change takes place, one form is taken off and another is put on.''' ** Ch.8 * Whatever form it has, it [matter] will be disposed to receive another form; it never leaves off moving and casting off the form which it has in order to receive another. ...It is therefore clear that all corruption, destruction, or defect comes from matter. ** Ch.8 * Man's shortcomings and sins are all due to the substance of the body and not to its form; while all his merits are exclusively due to his form. ** Ch.8 * The knowledge of God, the formation of ideas, the mastery of desire and passion, the distinction between that which is to be chosen and that which is to be rejected, all these man owes to his form... ** Ch.8 * It was necessary that the very noble form of man, which is the image and likeness of God... should be joined to the substance of dust and darkness, the source of all defect and loss. For these reasons the Creator gave to the form of man power, rule, and dominion over the substance;—the form can subdue the substance, refuse the fulfillment of its desires, and reduce them, as far as possible, to a just and proper measure. ** Ch.8 * Some consider... all wants of the body as shame, disgrace, and defect to which they are compelled to attend; this is chiefly the case with the sense of touch, which is a disgrace to us according to [[Aristotle]], and which is the cause of our desire for eating, drinking, and sensuality. Intelligent persons must, as much as possible, reduce these wants, guard against them, abstain from speaking of them, discussing them, and attending to them in company of others. Man must have control over all these desires, reduce them as much as possible, and only retain of them as much as is indispensable. His aim must be the aim of man as man, viz., the formation of ideas, and nothing else. The best and sublimest among them is the idea which man forms of God, angels, and the rest of the creation according to his capacity. Such men are always with God, and of them it is said, "Ye are princes, and all of you are children of the Most High." ([[s:Bible_(World_English)/Psalms#Psalm_82|Ps. lxxxii.]] 6) This is man's task and purpose. ** Ch.8 * '''Those who desire to be men in truth''', and not brutes, having only the appearance and shape of men, '''must constantly endeavor to reduce the wants of the body''', such as eating, love, drinking, anger, and all manners originating in lust and passion; they must feel ashamed of them and set limits to them for themselves. ** Ch.8 * This gift... which God gave us in order to enable us to perfect ourselves, to learn and to teach, must not be employed in doing that which is for us most degrading and perfectly disgraceful... Those who employ the faculty of thinking and speaking in the service of that sense which is no honour to us, who think more than necessary of drink and love, or even sing of these things; they employ and use the divine gift in acts of rebellion against the Giver, and in transgression of his commandments. ** Ch.8 * '''The corporeal element in man is a large screen and partition that prevents him from perfectly perceiving abstract ideals'''; this would be the case even if the corporeal element were as pure and superior as the substance of the [[w:Celestial_spheres|spheres]]; how much more must this be the case with our dark and opaque body. '''However great the exertion of our mind may be to comprehend the Divine Being or any of the ideals, we find a screen and partition between God and us.''' ** Ch.9 * The [[w:Jewish_Kalam|Mutakallemim]]... apply the term non-existence only to absolute non-existence, and not to absence of properties. A property and the absence of that property are considered by them as two opposites, they treat, ''e.g.'', blindness and sight, death and life, in the same way as heat and cold. Therefore they say, without any qualification, non-existence does not require any agent, an agent is required when ''something'' is produced. ** Ch.10 * The so-called evils are evils only in relation to a certain thing, and that which is evil in relation to a certain existing thing, either includes the non-existence of that thing or the non-existence of some of its good conditions. ** Ch.10 * The proposition has... been laid down in the most general terms, "All evils are negations." Thus for man death is evil; death is his non-existence. Illness, poverty, and ignorance are evils for man; all these are privations of properties. ...The destruction of other things is likewise nothing but the absence of their form. After these propositions, it must be admitted as a fact that '''it cannot be said of God that He directly creates evil, or He has the direct [[intention]] to produce evil; this is impossible. His works are all perfectly good. He only produces existence, and all existence is good; whilst evils are of a negative character, and cannot be acted upon.''' ** Ch.10 * '''The true work of God is all good, since it is existence.''' ** Ch.10 * Even the existence of this corporeal element, low as it in reality is, because it is the source of death and all evils, is likewise good for the permanence of the Universe and the continuation of the order of things, so that one thing departs and the other succeeds. ** Ch.10 * '''All the great evils which men cause to each other because of certain [[intentions]], desires, opinions, or religious principles, are likewise due to non-existence, because they originate in ignorance, which is absence of wisdom.''' ** Ch.11 * '''If men possessed wisdom, which stands in the same relation to the form of man as the sight to the eye, they would not cause any injury to themselves or to others, for the knowledge of the truth removes hatred and quarrels, and prevents mutual injuries.''' ** Ch.11 * '''The prophet''' [ [[Isaiah]] ]... points out what will be the cause of this change; for he '''says that hatred, quarrel, and fighting will come to an end, because men will have a true knowledge of God.''' "They shall not hurt nor destroy in all my holy mountain: for the earth shall be full of the knowledge of the Lord, as the waters which cover the sea" ([[s:Bible_(World_English)/Isaiah#Chapter_11|Isa. xi.]] ver. 9) '''Note it.''' ** Ch.11 * Men frequently think that the evils in the world are more numerous than the good things; many sayings and songs of the nations dwell on this idea. ...Not only common people make this mistake, but even many who think they are wise. ** Ch.12 * '''An ignorant man believes that the whole universe only exists for him: as if nothing else required any consideration. If, therefore, anything happens to him contrary to his expectation, he at once concludes that the whole universe is evil. If, however, he would take into consideration the whole universe, form an idea of it, and comprehend what a small portion he is of the Universe, he will find the truth. There are many... passages in the books of the prophets expressing the same idea.''' ** Maimonides provides examples here from ([[s:Bible_(World_English)/Psalms#Psalm_144|Ps. cxliv.]] 4), ([[s:Bible_(World_English)/Job#Chapter_25|Job xxv.]] 6 & [[s:Bible_(World_English)/Job#Chapter_4|iv.]] 19) and ([[s:Bible_(World_English)/Isaiah#Chapter_40|Isa. xl.]] 15). ** Ch.12 * '''It is of great advantage that man should know his station, and not imagine that the whole universe exists only for him.''' We hold that the universe exists because the Creator wills it so; that '''mankind is low in rank as compared with the uppermost portion of the universe''', viz., with the [[w:Celestial_Spheres|spheres]] and the stars; but, as regards the angels, there cannot be any real comparison between man and angels, although man is the highest of all beings on earth; i.e., of all the beings formed of the [[w:Classical element|four elements]]. ** Ch.12 * '''We suffer from the evils which we, by our own free will, inflict on ourselves and ascribe them to God, who is far from being connected with them!''' ** Ch.12 * '''The first kind of evil is that which is caused to man by the circumstance that he is subject to genesis and destruction, or that he possesses a body.''' ** Ch.12 * '''In accordance with the divine wisdom, [[wiktionary:genesis#Noun|genesis]] can only take place through destruction''', and without destruction of the individual members of the species the species themselves would not exist permanently. Thus the true kindness, and beneficence, and goodness of God is clear. ** Ch.12 * '''He who thinks he can have flesh and bones without being subject to any external influence, or any accidents of matter, unconsciously wishes to reconcile two opposites, viz., to be at the same time subject and not subject to change. If man were never subject to change there could be no generation; there would be one single being''', but no individuals forming a species. ** Compare [[Galileo]], "...for my part I consider the earth very noble and admirable precisely because of the diverse alterations, changes, generations, etc. that occur in it incessantly. If, not being subject to any changes... I should deem it a useless lump in the universe, devoid of activity and, in a word, superfluous and essentially non-existent." [[Galileo_Galilei#Dialogue_Concerning_the_Two_Chief_World_Systems_.281632.29|''Dialogue Concerning the Two Chief World Systems'' (1632)]] ** Ch.12 * [[Galen]], in the third section of his book, "The Use of the Limbs," says correctly that it would be in vain to expect to see living beings formed of the blood of menstruous women and the semen virile, who will not die, will never feel pain, or will move perpetually, or shine like the sun. This dictum of Galen is part of the following more general proposition:—'''Whatever is formed of matter receives the most perfect form possible in that species of matter; in each individual case the defects are in accordance with that individual matter.''' ** Compare [[Gottfried Leibniz]] argument for the [[w:Best_of_all_possible_worlds|"best of all possible worlds"]] in his ''Essays on the Goodness of God, the Freedom of Man and the Origin of Evil'' ** Ch.12 * '''The second class of evils comprises such evils as people cause to each other, when, ''e.g.'', some of them use their strength against others.''' These evils are more numerous than those of the first kind... they likewise originate in ourselves, though the sufferer himself cannot avert them. ** Ch.12 * '''The third class of evils''' comprise those which everyone causes to himself by his own action. This is the largest class, and is far more numerous than the second class. It is especially of these evils that all men complain,—only few men are found that do not sin against themselves by this kind of evil. ...This class of evil '''originates in man's vices''', such as excessive desire for eating, drinking, and love; indulgence in these things in undue measure, or in improper manner, or partaking of bad food. '''This course brings diseases and afflictions upon the body and soul alike.''' ** Ch.12 * '''In so far as the soul is a force residing in the body; it has therefore been said that the properties of the soul depend of the condition of the body.''' ** Ch.12 * '''The soul, when accustomed to superfluous things, acquires a strong habit of desiring things which are neither necessary for the preservation of the individual nor for that of the species. This desire is without limit, whilst those which are necessary are few in number and restricted within certain limits; but what is superfluous is without end'''... ** Ch.12 * '''Those who are ignorant and perverse in their thought are constantly in trouble and pain, because they cannot get as much of the superfluous things as a certain other person possesses.''' They as a rule expose themselves to great dangers... for the purpose of obtaining that which is superfluous and not necessary. When they thus meet with the consequences of the course which they adopt, they complain of the decrees and the judgements of God; they begin to blame the time, and wonder at the want of justice in its changes; that it has not enabled them to acquire great riches... for the purpose of driving themselves to voluptuousness beyond their capacities, as if the whole Universe existed only for the purpose of giving pleasure to these low people. ** Ch.12 * '''The error of the ignorant goes so far as to say that God's power is insufficient, because he has given to this Universe the properties''' which they imagine cause these great evils, and '''which do not help''' all evil-disposed persons to obtain the evil which they seek, and to '''bring their evil souls to the aim of their desires, though these''', as we have shown, '''are''' really '''without limit.''' ** Ch.12 * '''Those who observe the nature of the Universe and the commandments of the Law, and know their purpose, see clearly God's mercy and truth in everything; they seek, therefore, that which the Creator intended to be the aim of man, viz., comprehension. Forced also by claims of the body, they seek that which is necessary for the preservation of the body''', "bread to eat and garment to clothe," and this is very little; but they seek nothing superfluous; '''with very slight exertion man can obtain it, so long as he is contented with that which is indispensable.''' ** Ch.12 * '''The more we desire for that which is superfluous, the more we meet with difficulties; our strength and possessions are spent in unnecessary things, and are wanting when required for that which is necessary.''' ** Ch.12 * '''The more necessary a thing is for living beings, the more easily it is found and the cheaper it is; the less necessary it is, the rarer and dearer it is.''' ** Ch.12 * This shows the kindness of God to His creatures, even to us weak beings. His righteousness and justice as regards all animals are well known; for in the transient world there is among the various kinds of animals no individual being distinguished from the rest of the same species... all physical, psychical, and vital forces and organs that are possessed by one individual are found also in the other individuals. If any one is somehow different it is by accident, in consequence of some exception, and not by a natural property; it is also a rare occurrence. ** Ch.12 * '''It is no wrong or injustice that one has many''' bags of the finest myrrh and garments embroidered with gold, '''while another has not those things, which are not necessary for our maintenance; he who has them''' has not thereby obtained control over anything that could be an essential addition to his nature, but '''has only obtained something illusory or deceptive. ...This is the rule at all times and in all places'''; no notice should be taken of exceptional cases, as we have explained. ** Ch.12 * You will see the mercy of God toward His creatures, how He has provided that which is required, in proper proportions, and treated all individual beings of the same species with perfect equality. ...for it is an act of great and perfect goodness that '''He gave us existence; and the creation of the controlling faculty in animals is a proof of His mercy towards them''', as has been shown by us. ** Ch.12 * '''That which is produced with [[intention]] has passed over from non-existence to existence.''' ** Ch.13 * The being which has absolute existence, which has never been and will never be without existence, is not in need of an agent. ** Ch.13 * The question, "What is the purpose thereof?" cannot be asked about anything which is not the product of an agent; therefore we cannot ask what is the purpose of the existence of God. ** Ch.13 * '''For that which is without a beginning, a final cause need not be sought.''' ** Ch.13 * '''This must be our belief when we have a correct knowledge of our own self, and comprehend the true nature of everything; we must be content, and not trouble our mind with seeking a certain final cause for things that have none, or have no other final cause but their own existence, which depends on the Will of God, or, if you prefer, on the Divine Wisdom.''' ** Ch.13 * If the whole earth is infinitely small in comparison with the sphere of the stars, what is man compared with all these created beings? How, then, could any one of us imagine that these things exist for his sake and benefit, and that they are his tools! This is a result of an examination of the corporeal beings: how much more so will be the result of an examination of the Intelligences! ** Ch.14 * That which is impossible has a permanent and constant property, which is not the result if some agent, and cannot in any way change, and consequently we do not ascribe to God the power of doing what is impossible. ** Ch.15 * According to each one of the different theories there are things which are impossible, whose existence cannot be admitted, and whose creation is excluded from the power of God, and the assumption that God does not change their nature does not imply weakness in God, or a limit to his power. Consequently things impossible remain impossible, and do not depend on the action of an agent. It is now clear that '''a difference of opinion exists only as to the question to which of the two classes anything belongs; whether to the class of the impossible, or to that of the possible. Note it.''' ** Ch.15 * '''The philosophers have uttered very perverse ideas as regards God's Omniscience of everything besides Himself; they have stumbled in such a manner that they cannot rise again, nor can those who adopt their views.''' ...They continued thus: If he perceives and knows all individual things, one of the following three cases must take place: (1.) God arranges and manages human affairs well, perfectly, and faultlessly; (2.) He is overcome by obstacles, and is too weak and powerless to manage human affairs; (3.) He knows [all things] and can arrange and manage them, but leaves and abandons them, as too base, low, and vile... Those who have a knowledge of a certain thing necessarily either (1.) take care of the thing they know, and manage it, or (2.) neglect it; or (3.) while taking care of it, have not sufficient power and strength for its management, although they have the will to do so. ...the philosophers emphatically decided that of the three cases... two are inadmissible in reference to God—viz., want of power, or absence of will... Consequently there remains only the alternative that God is altogether ignorant of human affairs, or that He knows them and manages them well. ...we conclude that God has no knowledge of them in any way of for any reason. This is the argument which led philosophers to speak such blasphemous words. ** Ch.16 * '''The evil into which these philosophers have fallen is greater than that from which they sought to escape, because they refuse to say that God neglects or forgets a thing, and yet they maintain that His knowledge is imperfect, that He is ignorant of what is going on here on earth, that He does not perceive it.''' ** Ch.16 * There are four different theories concerning Divine Providence; they are all ancient, known from the time of the Prophets, when the true law was revealed to enlighten these dark regions. ** Ch.17 * ''First Theory''.—There is no Providence at all for anything in the Universe; all parts of the Universe, the heavens and what they contain, owe their origin to accident and chance; there exists no being that rules and governs them or provides for them. This is the theory of [[Epicurus]]... ** Ch.17 * ''Second Theory''.—Whilst one part of the Universe owes its existence to Providence and is under control of a ruler and governor, another part is abandoned and left to chance. This is the view of [[Aristotle]] about Providence... He holds that God controls the spheres and what they contain; therefore the individual beings in the spheres remain permanently in the same form. ...From the existence of the spheres other beings derive existence, which are constant in their species but not in their individuals. ** Ch.17 * The portion of the ''materia prima'' which is... is endowed with the intellectual faculty, possesses a special property by which each individual, according to the degree of his perfection, is enabled to manage, to calculate, and to discover what is conducive both to the temporary existence of the individual and to the preservation of the species. All other movements... by the individual members of the species are due to accident; they are not, according to Aristotle, the result of rule and management... Aristotle sees no difference between the falling of a leaf or a stone and the death of the good and noble people in the ship; nor does he distinguish between the destruction of a multitude of ants by an ox depositing on them his excrement and the death of worshippers killed by the fall of the house when its foundations give way. ** Ch.17 * In short, the opinion of Aristotle is this: Everything is the result of management which is constant, which does not come to an end and does not change any of its properties, as ''e.g.'', the heavenly beings, and everything which continues according to a certain rule... But that which is not constant, and does not follow a certain rule... is due to chance and not to management; it is in no relation to Divine Providence. Aristotle holds that it is even impossible to ascribe to Providence that management of these things. ...It is the belief of those who turned away from our Law and said: "God hath forsaken the earth." ([[s:Bible_(World_English)/Ezekiel#Chapter_9|Ezek. ix.]] 9) ** Ch.17 * ''Third Theory''.—According to this theory, there is nothing in the whole Universe... that is due to chance; everything is the result of will, intention, and rule. It is a matter of course that he who rules must know. The [[Islam|Mohametan]] [[w:Ash'ari|Ashariyah]] adhere to this theory, notwithstanding evident absurdities implied in it. ...The Ashariyah were therefore compelled to assume that motion and rest of living beings are predestined, and that it is not in the power of a man to do a certain thing or to leave it undone. ...It follows also from this theory, that [[wiktionary:precept#Noun|precepts]] are perfectly useless, since the people to whom any law is given... can neither do what they are commanded nor abstain from what they are forbidden. ...According to this theory, it must also be assumed that the actions of God have no [[w:Teleology|final cause]]. All these absurdities are admitted by the Ashariyah for the purpose of saving this theory. ** Ch.17 * ''Fourth Theory''.—Man has free will; it is therefore intelligible that the Law contains commands and prohibitions, with announcements of reward and punishment. All acts of God are due to wisdom; no injustice is found in him, and he does not afflict the good. The Mu'tazila profess this theory, although they do not believe in man's absolute free will. They hold that God takes notice of the falling of the leaf and the destruction of the ant, and that his Providence extends over all beings. ** Ch.17 * This [fourth] theory likewise implies contradictions and absurdities. The absurdities are these: The fact that some persons are born with defects, although they have not sinned previously, is ascribed to the wisdom of God, it being better for those persons to be in such a condition than to be in a normal state, though we do not see why it is better; and they do not suffer thereby any punishment at all, but, on the contrary, enjoy God's goodness. In a similar manner the slaughter of the pious is explained as being for them the source of an increase in reward in future life. They go even further in their absurdities. ** Ch.17 * Aristotle was guided by that which appears to be the nature of things. The Ashariyah refused to ascribe to God ignorance about anything... they preferred to admit the above-mentioned absurdities. The Mu'tazilites refused to assume that God does what is wrong and unjust; on the other hand, they would not contradict common sense and say that it was not wrong to inflict pain on the guiltless, or that the mission of the Prophets and the giving of the Law had no intelligible reason. They likewise preferred to admit the above-named absurdities. But they even contradicted themselves, because they believe on the one hand that God knows everything, and on the other that man has free will. By a little consideration we discover the contradiction. ** Ch.17 * ''Fifth Theory''.—This is our theory, or that of our Law. ...'''The theory of man's perfectly free will is one of the fundamental principles of the Law of our teacher [[Moses]]''', and of those who follow the Law. According to this principle man does what is in his power to do, by his nature, his choice, and his will; and his action is not due to any faculty created for the purpose. '''All species of irrational animals likewise move by their own free will. This is the Will of God; that''' is to say, it is due to the eternal divine will that '''all living beings should move freely, and that man should have the power to act according to his will or choice within the limits of his capacity.''' ** Ch.17 * Another fundamental principle taught by the [[w:Law_of_Moses|Law of Moses]] is this: '''Wrong cannot be ascribed to God in any way whatever; all evils and afflictions as well as all kinds of happiness of man, whether they concern one individual or a community, are distributed according to justice'''; they are the result of '''strict judgement that admits no wrong whatever.''' ** Ch.17 * Even when a person suffers pain in consequence of a thorn having entered into his hand, although it is at once drawn out, it is a punishment that has been inflicted on him, and the least pleasure he enjoys is a reward; all this is meted out by strict justice; as is said in the Scripture, "all His ways are judgement" (Deut. xxxii. 4); '''we are only ignorant of the working of that judgement.''' ** Ch.17 * Everything in the varying human affairs is due to chance, according to Aristotle, to the Divine Will alone according to the Ashariyah, to Divine Wisdom according to the Mu'tazilites, to the merits of man according to our opinion. It is therefore possible, according to the Ashariyah, that God inflicts pain on a good and pious man in this world, and eeps him forever in fire, which is assumed to rage in the world to come; they simply say it is the will of God. The Mu'tazilites would consider this an injustice, and therefore assume that every being, even an ant, that is stricken with pain, has compensation for it... and it is due to God's Wisdom, that a being is struck and afflicted in order to receive compensation. We, however, believe that all these human affairs are managed with justice; far be it from God to do wrong, to punish any one unless the punishment is necessary and merited. It is distinctly stated in the Law, that all is done in accordance with justice; and the words of our Sages generally express the same idea. ** Ch.17 * '''He will punish all the evil deeds of men, although they have not been prohibited by a prophet, if common sense warns against them, as ''e.g.'', injustice and violence. ...it is distinctly added that he who does a good thing without being commanded, receives nevertheless his reward. The same principle is expressed in all the sayings of our Sages.''' ** Ch.17 * '''I agree with Aristotle as regards all other living beings''' and [[w:A_fortiori_argument|''à fortiori'']] as regards plants and all the rest of earthly creatures. For I do not believe that it is through Divine Providence that a certain leaf drops, nor do I hold that when a certain spider catches a certain fly, that this is a direct result of a special decree and will of God in that moment; it is not by a particular Divine decree that the spittle of a certain person moved, fell on a certain gnat in a certain place, and killed it; nor is it by the direct will of God that a certain fish catches and swallows a certain worm on the surface of the water. In all these cases the action is... entirely due to chance, as taught by Aristotle. ** Ch.17 * '''[[Providence|Divine Providence]] is connected with Divine intellectual influence''', and the same beings which are benefited by the latter so as to become intellectual, and to comprehend things comprehensible to rational beings, are also under the control of '''Divine Providence''', which '''examines''' all their '''deeds with a view of rewarding or punishing them. ...the method of which our mind is incapable of understanding.''' ** Ch.17 * The Prophets even express their surprise that God should take notice of man, who is too little and too unimportant to be worthy of the attention of the Creator; how, then, should other living creatures be considered as proper objects for Divine Providence! ** Ch.17 * '''I do not ascribe to God ignorance of anything or any kind of weakness; I hold that Divine Providence is related and closely connected with the intellect''', because Providence can only proceed from an intelligent being, from a being that is itself the most perfect Intellect. '''Those creatures, therefore, which receive part of that intellectual influence, will become subject to the action of Providence in the same proportion as they are acted upon by the intellect. This theory is in accordance with reason and with the teaching of the Scripture, whilst the other theories previously mentioned either exaggerate Divine Providence of detract from it.''' ** Ch.17 * The theory that Divine Providence does not extend to man, and that there is no difference between man and other animals, implies very bad notions about God; it disturbs all social order, removes and destroys all the moral and intellectual virtues of man. ** Ch.17 * '''God's knowledge extends to things not in existence, and includes also the [[Infinity|infinite]].''' ** Ch.20 * My opinion is this: the cause of '''the error of all these schools is their belief that God's knowledge is like ours'''; each school points to something withheld from our knowledge, and either assumes that the same must be the case in God's knowledge, or at least finds some difficulty how to explain it. ...they likewise demonstrated... that our intellect and our knowledge are insufficient to comprehend the true idea of His essence. ...'''they came to the absurd conclusion that that which is required for our knowledge is also required for God's knowledge.''' ** Ch.20 * I find it expressed in various passages of Scripture that '''the fact that God knows things while in a state of possibility''', when their existence belongs to the future, '''does not change the nature of the possible''' in any way; that nature remains unchanged; and '''the knowledge of the realisation of one of several possibilities does not yet effect that realisation. This is likewise one of the fundamental principles of the [[w:Law_of_Moses|Law of Moses]]''' concerning which there is no doubt nor any dispute. ** Ch.20 * '''The fact that laws were given to man, both affirmative and negative, supports the principle, that God's knowledge of future events does not change their character. The great doubt that presents itself to our mind is the result of the insufficiency of our intellect.''' ** Ch.20 * '''Consider in how many ways His knowledge is distinguished from ours according to all the teaching of every revealed religion.''' First, His knowledge is one, and yet embraces many different kinds of objects. Secondly, it is applied to things not in existence. Thirdly, it comprehends the infinite. Fourthly, it remains unchanged, though it comprises the knowledge of changeable things; whilst it seems that the knowledge of a thing that is to come into existence is different from the knowledge of the thing when it has come into existence; because there is the additional knowledge of its transition from a state of potentiality into that of reality. Fifthly, according to the teaching of our Law, God's knowledge of one of two eventualities does not determine it, however certain that knowledge may be concerning the future occurrence of the one eventuality. ** Ch.20 * Now I wonder what our knowledge has in common with God's knowledge according to those who treat God's knowledge... Is there anything else common to both besides the mere name? ...'''there is an essential distinction between His knowledge and ours, like the distinction between the substance of the heavens and that of the earth.''' ** Ch.20 * '''Management''' [ [[Providence]] ]''', knowledge, and [[intention]] are not the same when ascribed to us and when ascribed to God.''' ** Ch.20 * The difference between that which is ascribed to God and that which is ascribed to man is expressed in the words... "And your ways are not my ways." ([[s:Bible_(World_English)/Isaiah#Chapter_55|Is. lv.]] 8-9) ** Ch.20 * He fully knows His unchangeable essence, and has thus a knowledge of all that results from any of His acts. If we were to try to understand in what manner this is done, it would be the same as if we tried to be the same as God, and to make our knowledge identical with His knowledge. '''Those who seek the truth, and admit what is true, must believe that nothing is hidden from God; that everything is revealed to His knowledge, which is identical with His essence; that this kind of knowledge cannot be comprehended by us'''; for if we knew its method, we would possess that intellect by which such knowledge could be acquired. ...'''Note this well''', for I think that this is an excellent idea, and leads to correct views; no error will be found in it; no dialectical argument; it does not lead to any absurd conclusion, nor to ascribing any defect to God. '''These sublime and profound themes admit of no proof whatever... In all questions that cannot be demonstrated, we must adopt the method which we have adopted in this question about God's Omniscience. Note it.''' ** Ch.21 * '''The strange and wonderful [[Book of Job]] treats of the same subject as we are discussing; its contents are a fiction, conceived for the purpose of explaining the different opinions which people hold on Divine Providence. ...This fiction, however, is in so far different from other fictions that it includes profound ideas and great mysteries, removes great doubts, and reveals the most important truths.''' I will discuss it as fully as possible; and I will also tell you the words of our Sages that suggested to me the explanation of this great poem. ** Ch.22 * The words of God are justified, as I will show, by the fact that '''Job abandoned his first very erroneous opinion, and himself proved that it was an error.''' It is the opinion which suggests itself as plausible at first thought, especially in the minds of those who meet with mishap, well knowing that they have not merited them through sins. This is admitted by all, and therefore this opinion was assigned to Job. But he is represented to hold this view only so long as he was without wisdom, and knew God only by tradition, in the same manner as religious people generally know Him. '''As soon as he had acquired a true knowledge of God, he confessed that there is undoubtedly true [[wiktionary:felicity#Noun|felicity]] in the knowledge of God; it is attained by all who acquire that knowledge, and no earthly trouble can disturb it.''' So long as Job's knowledge of God was based on tradition and communication, and not on research, he believed that such imaginary good as is possessed in health, riches, and children, was the utmost that men can attain; this was the reason why he was in perplexity, and why he uttered the... opinions, and this is also the meaning of his words: "I have heard of thee by the hearing of the ear; but now mine eye seeth thee. Wherefore I abhor myself, and repent because of dust and ashes" ([[s:Bible_(World_English)/Job#Chapter_42|xlii.]] 5, 6); that is to say, he abhorred all that he had desired before, and that he was sorry that he had been in dust and ashes; comp. "and he sat down among the ashes" ([[s:Bible_(World_English)/Job#Chapter_2|ii.]] 8) On account of this last utterance, which implies true perception, it is said afterwards in reference to him, "for you have not spoken of me the thing that is right, as my servant Job hath." ** Ch.23 * Eliphas never abandoned his belief that the fate of man is the result of justice, that we do not know all our shortcomings for which we are punished, nor the way how we incur the punishment through them. ** Ch.23 * As there is a difference between works of nature and productions of human handicraft, so there is a difference between God's rule, providence, and [[intention]] in reference to all natural forces, and our rule, providence, and intention in reference to things which are the objects of our rule, providence, and intention. '''This lesson is the principal object of the whole Book of Job'''; it lays down this principle of faith, and recommends us to derive a proof from nature, '''that we should not fall into the error of imagining His knowledge to be similar to ours, or His intention, providence, and rule similar to ours. When we know this, we shall find everything that may befall us easy to bear; mishap will create no doubts in our hearts concerning God, whether He knows our affairs or not, whether He provides for us or abandons us. On the contrary, our fate will increase our love of God'''; as is said in the end of this prophecy: "Therefore I abhor myself and repent concerning the dust and ashes" ([[s:Bible_(World_English)/Job#Chapter_42|xlii.]] 6); and as our Sages say: "The pious do everything out of love, and rejoice in their own afflictions." '''If you pay to my words the attention which this treatise demands, and examine all that is said in the Book of Job, all will be clear to you''', and you will find that I have grasped and taken hold of the whole subject; nothing has been left unnoticed, except such portions as are only introduced because of the context and the whole plan of the allegory. I have explained this method several times in the course of this treatise. ** Ch.23 * Scripture says:—If a man should rise, pretend to be a prophet, and show you his signs by which he desired to convince you that his words are true, know that God intends thereby to prove to the nations how firmly you believe in the truth of God's Word, and how well you have comprehended the true Essence of God; that you cannot be misled by any tempter to corrupt your faith in God. Your religion will then afford a guidance to all who seek the truth, and '''of all religions man will choose that which is so firmly established that it is not shaken by the performance of a miracle. For a miracle cannot prove that which is impossible; it is useful only as a confirmation of that which is possible, as we have explained in our [[w:Mishneh_Torah|Mishneh-torah]].''' ** Ch.24 * '''It is man's duty to love and to fear God, even without hope of reward or fear of punishment.''' ** Ch.24 * This idea is confirmed in Scripture; it is distinctly stated that one sole thing, '''fear of God, is the object of the whole Law''' with its affirmative and negative precepts, its promises and its historical examples, for it is said, "If thou wilt not observe to do all the words of this Law that are written in this book, that thou mayest fear this glorious and fearful name, the Lord thy God" (Deut. xxviii. 58) This is one of the two purposes of the ''Akedah'' (sacrifice or binding of Isaac). ** Ch.24 * [[Abraham]] was the first to teach the [[Monotheism|Unity of God]], to establish the faith, to cause it to remain among coming generations, and to win his fellow-men to his doctrine; as Scripture says of him: "I know him, that he will command," &c. ([[s:Bible_(World_English)/Genesis#Chapter_18|Gen. xviii.]] 19) ** Ch.24 * '''This is the way how we have to understand the accounts of trials; we must not think that God desires to examine us and to try us in order to know what He did not know before.''' Far is this from Him; He is far above that which ignorant and foolish people imagine concerning Him, in the evil of their thoughts. '''Note this.''' ** Ch.24 * '''Actions are divided as regards their object into four classes; they are either ''purposeless'', ''unimportant'', or [[wiktionary:vain#Adjective|''vain'']], or ''good''.''' ** Ch.25 * After having explained this division, I contend that '''no intelligent person can assume that any of the actions of God can be vain, purposeless, or unimportant.''' According to our view and the view of all that follow the Law of Moses, all actions of God are "exceedingly good." ** Ch.25 * The philosophers likewise assume that in Nature there is nothing in vain, so that '''everything that is not the product of human industry serves a certain purpose, which may be known or unknown to us.''' ** Ch.25 * Whatever God desires to do is necessarily done; there is nothing that could prevent the realisation of His will. The object of His will is only that which is possible, and of the things possible only such as His wisdom decrees upon. When God desires to produce the best work, no obstacle or hindrance intervenes between Him and that work. This is the opinion held by all religious people, also by the philosophers; it is also our opinion. For '''although we believe that God created the Universe from nothing, most of our wise and learned men believe that the Creation was not the exclusive result of His will; but His wisdom, which we are unable to comprehend, made the actual existence of the Universe necessary. The same unchangeable wisdom found it as necessary that non-existence should precede the existence of the Universe. Our Sages frequently express this idea in the explanation of the words, "He hath made everything beautiful in his time"''' ([[s:Bible_(World_English)/Ecclesiastes#Chapter_3|Eccl. iii.]] 11)... This is the belief of most of our Theologians; and in a similar manner have the Prophets expressed the idea that all parts of natural products are well arranged, in good order, connected with each other, and stand to each other in the relation of cause and effect; nothing of them is purposeless, trivial, or vain; they are all the result of great wisdom. ...This idea occurs frequently; there is no necessity to believe otherwise; philosophic speculation leads to the same result; viz., that '''in the whole of Nature there is nothing purposeless, trivial, or unnecessary''', especially in the nature of the [[w:Celestial_Spheres|spheres]], which are in the best condition and order, in accordance with their superior substance. ** Ch.25 * Know that '''the difficulties which lead to confusion in the question what is the purpose of the Universe''' or of any of its parts, '''arise from two causes: first, man''' has an erroneous idea of himself, and '''believes that the whole world exists only for his sake; secondly, he is ignorant both about the nature of the sublunary world, and about the Creator's [[intention]] to give existence to all beings whose existence is possible, because existence is undoubtedly good.''' ** Ch.25 * '''It is not unreasonable to assume that the works of God, their existence and preceding non-existence, are the result of His wisdom, but we are unable to understand many of the ways of His Wisdom in His works. On this principle the whole Law of Moses is based; it begins with this principle: "And God saw all that He had made, and behold, it was very good"''' ([[s:Bible_(World_English)/Genesis#Chapter_1|Gen. i.]] 31); '''and it ends with this principle: "The Rock, perfect is His work"''' ([[s:Bible_(World_English)/Deuteronomy#Chapter_32|Deut. xxxii.]] 4). '''Note it.''' ** Ch.25 * '''You will find that there is no other difference of opinion as regards any portions of the Universe, except that the philosophers believe in the Eternity of the Universe and we believe in the Creation. Note this.''' ** Ch.25 * Those who believe that... detailed rules originate in a certain cause, are as far from the truth as those who assume that the whole law is useless. ** Ch.26 * The reason of a commandment, whether positive or negative, is clear, and its usefulness evident, if it directly tends to remove injustice, or to teach good conduct that furthers the well-being of society, or to impart a truth which ought to be believed either on its own merit or as being indispensable for facilitating the removal of injustice or the teaching of good morals. There is no occasion to ask for the object of such commandments; for no one can, ''e.g.'', be in doubt as to the reason why we have been commanded to believe that God is one; why we are forbidden to murder, steal, and to take vengeance, or to retaliate, or why we are commanded to love one another. But there are precepts concerning which people are in doubt, and of divided opinions, some believing they are mere commands, and serve no purpose whatever, whilst others believe that they serve a certain purpose, which, however is unknown to man. Such are those precepts which in their literal meaning do not seem to further any of the three above-named results: to impart some truth, to teach some moral, or to remove injustice. They do not seem to have any influence upon the well-being of the soul by imparting any truth, or upon the well-being of the body by suggesting such ways and rules as are useful in the government of a state, or in the management of a household. ...I will show that all these and similar '''laws must have some bearing upon one of the following three things, viz., the regulation of our opinions, or the improvement of our social relations, which implies two things, the removal of injustice, and the teaching of good morals.''' ** Ch.28 * '''When''' [ [[Abraham]] ] '''the "Pillar of the World" appeared, he became convinced that there is a spiritual Divine Being, which is not a body, nor a force residing in a body, but is the author of the spheres and the stars; and he saw the absurdity of the tales in which he had been brought up. He therefore began to attack the belief of the Sabeans''', to expose the falsehood of their opinions, and to proclaim publicly in opposition to them, "the name of the Lord, the God of the Universe" ([[s:Bible_(World_English)/Genesis#Chapter_21|Gen. xxi.]] 33), which proclamation included at the same time the Existence of God, and the Creation of the Universe by God. ** Ch.29 * '''In accordance with the Sabean theories''' images were erected to the stars, golden images to the sun, images of silver to the moon, and they attributed the metals and the climates to the influence of the planets, saying that a certain planet is the god of a certain zone. '''They built temples, placed in them images, and assumed that the stars sent forth their influence upon these images, which are thereby enabled (to speak) to understand, to [[wiktionary:comprehend#Verb|comprehend]], to inspire human beings, and to tell them what is useful to them.''' They apply the same to trees which fall to the lot of these stars. ** Ch.29 * '''You know from the repeated declarations in the Law that the principal purpose of the whole Law was the removal and utter destruction of idolatry''', and all that is connected therewith, even its name, and everything that might lead to any such practices, ''e.g''., acting as a consulter with familiar spirits, or as a wizard, passing children through the fire, divining, observing the clouds, enchanting, charming, or inquiring of the dead. The law prohibits us to imitate the heathen in any of these deeds, and ''a fortiori'' to adopt them entirely. It is distinctly said in the Law that everything which idolaters consider as service to their gods, and a means of approaching them, is rejected and despised by God... '''Thus all precepts cautioning against idolatry, or against that which is connected therewith, leads to it, or is related to it, are evidently useful.''' ** Ch.29 * How great is the usefulness of every precept that delivers us from this great error, and leads us back to the true faith: that God, the Creator of all things, rules the Universe; that He must be served, loved, and feared, and not those imaginary deities. According to this faith '''we approach the true God, and obtain His favour without having recourse to burdensome means; for nothing else is required but to love and fear Him'''; this is the aim in serving God, as will be shown. Comp. "And now, Israel, what doth the Lord thy God require of thee but to fear the Lord?" &c. ([[s:Bible_(World_English)/Deuteronomy#Chapter_10|Deut. x.]] 12) ** Ch.29 * It is frequently expressed in all parts of Scripture, that the worship of the stars would be followed by absence of rain, devastation of the land, bad times, diseases, and shortness of life. But abandonment of that worship, and the return to the service of God, would be the cause of the presence of rain, fertility of the ground, good times, health and length of life. Thus Scripture teaches, in order that man should abandon idolatry, the reverse of that which idolatrous priests preached to the people, for, as has been shown by us, the principal object of the Law is to remove this doctrine, and to destroy its traces. ** Ch.30 * '''According to the theory of those weak minded persons, man is more perfect than his Creator. For what man says or does has a certain object, whilst the actions of God are different; He commands us to do what is of no use to us, and forbids us to do what is harmless. Far be this! On the contrary, the sole object of the Law is to benefit us.''' ** Ch.31 * Every one of the six hundred and thirteen precepts serves to inculcate some truth, to remove some erroneous opinion, to establish proper relations in society, to diminish evil, to train in good manners, or to warn against bad habits. All this depends on three things: '''opinions, morals, and social conduct. ...these three principles suffice for assigning a reason for every one of the Divine commandments.''' ** Ch.31 * The most evident of the wonders described in the book ''On the Use of the Limbs'' [by [[Galen]]]... is clearly perceived by all who examine them with a sharp eye. In a similar manner did God provide for each individual animal of the class of mammalia. When such an animal is born it is extremely tender, and cannot be fed with dry food. Therefore breasts were provided which yield milk, and the young can be fed with moist food which corresponds to the condition of the limbs of the animal, until the latter have gradually become dry and hard. '''Many precepts in our Law are the result of a similar course adopted by the same Supreme Being. It is''', namely, '''impossible to go suddenly from one extreme to the other; it is''' therefore '''according to the nature of man impossible for him suddenly to discontinue everything to which he has been accustomed.''' ** Ch.32 * '''The custom which was in those days''' general among all men, and the general mode of worship in which the Israelites were brought up, consisted in '''sacrificing animals in those temples which contained certain images to bow down to those images, and to burn incense before them'''; religious and ascetic persons were in those days the persons that were devoted to the service in the temples erected to the stars... It was in accordance with the wisdom and plan of God, as displayed in the whole Creation, that '''He did not command us to give up and to discontinue all these manners of service, for''' to obey such a commandment '''it would have been contrary to the nature of man, who generally cleaves to that to which he is used... By this Divine plan it was effected that the traces of idolatry were blotted out, and the truly great principle of our faith, the existence and Unity of God, was firmly established'''; this result was thus obtained without deterring or confusing the minds of the people by the abolition of the service to which they were accustomed and which alone was familiar to them. ** Ch.32 [[File:Maimonides Moses.jpg|thumb|In addition to the [[teaching]] of [[truths]] the Law aims at the removal of injustice from mankind.]] ** * '''What prevented Him from making His primary object a direct commandment to us, and to give us the capacity of obeying it?''' ...As it is the chief object and purpose of God that we should believe in the Law, and act according to that which is written therein, why has He not given us the capacity of continually believing in it, and following its guidance, instead of holding out to us reward for obedience, and punishment for disobedience, or of actually giving all the predicted reward and punishment? For [the promises and the threats] are but the means of leading to this chief object. What prevented Him from giving us, as part of our nature, the will to do that which He desires us to do, and to abandon the kind of worship which He rejects? There is one general answer to these three questions, and all questions of the character; it is this: Although in every one of the signs [related in Scripture] the natural property of some individual being is changed, '''the nature of man is never changed by God by way of miracle.''' ...it is in His power, according to the principles taught in Scripture, but '''it has never been His will to do it, and it never will be. If it were part of His will to change''' [at His desire] '''the nature of any person, the mission of prophets and the giving of the Law would have been altogether superfluous.''' ** Ch.32 * It is namely distinctly stated in Scripture and handed down by tradition that '''the first commandments communicated to us did not include any law at all about burnt offering and sacrifice.''' ** Ch.32 * '''The chief object of the Law''', as has been shown by us, '''is the teaching of truths; to which the truth of the ''creatio ex nihilo'' belongs. It is known that the object of the [[w:Biblical_Sabbath|law of Sabbath]] is to confirm and to establish this principle''', as we have shown in this treatise (Part II. chap. xxxi.) '''In addition to the teaching of truths the Law aims at the removal of injustice from mankind.''' We have thus proved that the first laws do not refer to burnt-offering and sacrifice, which are of secondary importance. ** Ch.32 * By following entirely the guidance of lust, in the manner of fools, man loses his intellectual energy, injures his body, and perishes before his natural time; sighs and cares multiply; there is an increase of envy, hatred, and warfare, for the purpose of taking what another possesses. The cause of all this is the circumstance that '''the ignorant considers physical enjoyment as an object to be sought for its own sake. God in His wisdom has therefore given us such commandments as would counteract that object''', and prevent us altogether from directing our attention to it, '''and has debarred us from everything that leads only to excessive desire and to lust.''' This is an important thing included in the objects of our Law. ** Ch.33 * '''Those who wash their body and cleanse their garments whilst they remain dirty by bad actions and principles, are described by [[Solomon]] as "a generation that are pure in their own eyes, and yet are not washed from their filthiness; a generation, oh how lofty are their eyes!"''' &c. ([[s:Bible_(World_English)/Proverbs#Chapter_30|Prov. xxx.]] 12-13). Consider well the principles which we mentioned... as the final causes of the Law; for there are many precepts, for which you will be unable to give a reason unless you possess a knowledge of these principles... ** Ch.33 *As regards '''circumcision''', I think that one of its objects is to '''limit sexual intercourse''', and to '''weaken the organ of generation''' as far as possible, and thus '''cause man to be moderate'''. Some people believe that circumcision is to remove a defect in man's formation; but every one can easily reply: How can products of nature be deficient so as to require external completion, especially as the use of the fore-skin to that organ is evident. This commandment has not been enjoined as a complement to a deficient physical creation, but as a means for perfecting man's moral shortcomings. '''The bodily injury caused to that organ is exactly that which is desired'''; it does not interrupt any vital function, nor does it destroy the power of generation. '''Circumcision simply counteracts excessive lust; for there is no doubt that circumcision weakens the power of sexual excitement, and sometimes lessens the natural enjoyment''': the organ necessarily becomes weak when it loses blood and is deprived of its covering from the beginning. Our Sages (Beresh. Rabba, c. 80) say distinctly: '''It is hard for a woman, with whom an uncircumcised had sexual intercourse, to separate from him.''' This is, as I believe, the best reason for the commandment concerning circumcision. ** Ch.49 {{Misattributed begin}} == Misattributed == * Teach your tongue to say "I do not know" and you will progress. ** This is actually from the [[Talmud]] (Tractate Berachot 4a) {{Misattributed end}} == Quotes about Maimonides== *[[Maimonides]], the great Jewish theologian and historian, who at one time was almost deified by his countrymen and afterward treated as a heretic, remarks, that the more absurd and void of sense the Talmud seems the more sublime is the secret meaning. This learned man has successfully demonstrated that the Chaldean Magic, the science of Moses and other learned thaumaturgists was wholly based on an extensive knowledge of the various and now forgotten branches of natural science. Thoroughly acquainted with all the resources of the vegetable, animal, and mineral kingdoms, experts in occult chemistry and physics, psychologists as well as physiologists, why wonder that the graduates or adepts instructed in the mysterious sanctuaries of the temples, could perform wonders, which even in our days of enlightenment would appear supernatural? It is an insult to human nature to brand magic and the occult science with the name of imposture. To believe that for so many thousands of years, one-half of mankind practiced deception and fraud on the other half, is equivalent to saying that the human race was composed only of knaves and incurable idiots. Where is the country in which magic was not practised? At what age was it wholly forgotten? p. 19 **[[H. P. Blavatsky]] in [[Isis Unveiled: A Master-Key to the Mysteries of Ancient and Modern Science and Theology|''Isis Unveiled: A Master-Key to the Mysteries of Ancient and Modern Science and Theology'']] (1877) * Maimonides states that the intention of his work is to explain the meaning of Biblical words of various kinds, as well as of Biblical parables. Such an explanation is necessary, because the external meaning of both lends itself to grave misunderstanding. Since the internal meaning, being hidden, is a secret, the explanation of each such word or parable is the revelation of a secret. ** [[Leo Strauss]], ''Persecution and the Art of Writing'' (1952), 3. Literary Character of the ''Guide for the Perplexed'' * As a corollary we have to add that the ''Guide'' cannot be called a theological work, for Maimonides does not know of theology as a discipline distinct from metaphysics. Nor is it a book of religion, for he expressly excludes religious, together with ethical topics from the subject matter of his work. Until we shall have rediscovered a body of terms which are flexible enough to fit Maimonides' thought, the safest course will be to limit the description of the ''Guide'' to the statement that it is a book devoted to the explanation of the secret teaching of the Bible. ** [[Leo Strauss]], ''Persecution and the Art of Writing'' (1952), 3. Literary Character of the ''Guide for the Perplexed'' == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{wikisource}} {{commonscat|Maimonides}} '''About Maimonides''' * [http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/maimonides-islamic The Influence of Islamic Thought on Maimonides] * [http://www.chabad.org/library/article.asp?AID=107781 Maimonides basic thirteen principles of the Jewish faith] * [http://www.themystica.com/mystica/articles/m/maimonidean_controversy.html Maimonidean controversy] * [http://www.jewishencyclopedia.com/view.jsp?artid=905&letter=M Maimonides entry in Jewish Encyclopedia] * [http://www.encyclopaediajudaica.com/sample-articles/article_view.php?sid=moses-ben-maimon Maimonides entry in the Encyclopaedia Judaica, 2nd edition] * [http://www.chabad.org/library/article.asp?AID=54413 Maimonides explanation on Freedom of Choice as explained by the Lubavitcher Rebbe] * [http://www.sacred-texts.com/jud/gfp/gfp004.htm Maimonides' Life from Friedlander translation of the Guide] * [http://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/jsource/biography/Maimonides.html Maimonides/Rambam] from the Jewish Virtual Library * [http://www.chabad.org/library/article.asp?AID=107769 The Rambam A brief Biography of Maimonides] * [http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/maimonides Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy] * [http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/09540b.htm "Teaching of Moses Maimonides" - ''The Catholic Encyclopedia'' (1910) Vol. IX] * [http://www.askmoses.com/article.html?h=245&o=144 Who was Maimonides?] * [http://www.askmoses.com/article.html?h=245&o=2406 Why did Maimonides live in Egypt if the Torah forbids returning there?] '''Texts by Maimonides''' * [http://www.sefaria.org/texts/Halakhah/Mishneh%20Torah ''Mishneh Torah''] (Sefaria.org) * [http://www.sefaria.org/Guide_for_the_Perplexed ''Guide for the Perplexed''] (Sefaria.org) * [http://web.archive.org/19981205202306/members.aol.com/LazerA/13yesodos.html The Foundations of Jewish Belief] * [https://books.google.com/books?id=a2dRAAAAYAAJ The Guide for the Perplexed] (1919) 2nd ed., Tr. {{w|Michael Friedländer}} @GoogleBooks * [http://www.sacred-texts.com/jud/gfp/index.htm The Guide For the Perplexed by Moses Maimonides translated into English by Michael Friedländer] @sacred-texts.com (Ads) * [http://www.panix.com/~jjbaker/rambam.html Maimonides Page: links to online texts and resources] * [http://www.library.dal.ca/kellogg/Bioethics/codes/maimonides.htm Oath and Prayer of Maimonides (Considered by historians to be an 18th century forgery)] * [http://www.mechon-mamre.org/e/e0000.htm Rambam's introduction to the Mishnah Torah (English translation]) [http://www.daat.ac.il/daat/mahshevt/hakdama/tohen-m-2.htm (Hebrew)] * [http://www.jnul.huji.ac.il/dl/mss/html/rambam_l.htm Writings of Maimonides; manuscripts and early print editions. (in Arabic, Hebrew, and Latin)at the Jewish National and University Library] {{Social and political philosophers}} [[Category:Philosophers from Spain]] [[Category:Authors from Spain]] [[Category:Jews]] [[Category:Rabbis]] [[Category:Theologians from Spain]] [[Category:Physicians from Spain]] [[Category:Astronomers from Spain]] [[Category:1130s births]] [[Category:1204 deaths]] [[Category:People from Andalusia]] 0iehyc6efd8a87sw9716sc3ep3ael00 0 15157 3778528 3674223 2025-07-14T12:37:22Z UDScott 4304 ±[[Category:Academics from the United Kingdom]]→[[Category:Academics from England]]; ±[[Category:Architects]]→[[Category:Architects from England]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778528 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Ruskin Self Portrait 1875.jpg|thumb|In [[painting]] as in [[eloquence]], the [[greater]] your [[strength]], the [[quiet|quieter]] your [[manner]].]] '''[[w:John Ruskin|John Ruskin]]''' ([[8 February]] [[1819]] – [[20 January]] [[1900]]) was an English author, poet and painter, most famous for his work as art critic and social critic. == Quotes == [[File:King of the Golden River - Title page.jpg|thumb| The water which has been refused to the cry of the weary and dying is unholy, though it had been blessed by every saint in heaven; and the water which is found in the vessel of mercy is holy, though it had been defiled with corpses.]] [[File:Lewis Carroll (1874).jpg|thumb|right|What we [[think]], or what we [[know]], or what we [[believe]] is, in the [[end]], of little [[consequence]]. The only consequence is what we ''[[Action|do]].'']] [[File:Millais Ruskin Detail.jpg|thumb|right|When we are interested in the [[beauty]] of a thing, the oftener we can see it the better...]] [[File:Brocken-tanzawa2.JPG|thumb|right|My entire [[delight]] was in [[observing]] without being myself noticed, — if I could have been invisible, all the better. … this was the [[essential]] [[love]] of [[Nature]] in me, this the root of all that I have usefully become, and the [[light]] of [[all]] that I have rightly [[learned]].]] * '''The water which has been refused to the cry of the weary and dying is unholy, though it had been blessed by every saint in heaven'''; and the water which is found in the vessel of mercy is holy, though it had been defiled with corpses. **[[w:The King of the Golden River|''The King of the Golden River or The Black Brothers: A Legend of Stiria'' (1841)]], Ch. 5 : How Little Gluck Set off on an expedition to the Golden River, and how he prospered therein, with other matters of interest. • [https://www.gutenberg.org/files/701/701-h/701-h.htm Full text online] * '''No small misery is caused by overworked and unhappy people, in the dark views which they necessarily take up themselves, and force upon others, of work itself.''' ** ''Pre-Raphaelitism,'' section 1 (1851) * The zealous care with which [[w:J. M. W. Turner|J. M. W. Turner]] endeavoured to do his duty, is proved by a large existing series of drawings, exquisitely tinted, and often completely coloured, all by his own hand, of the most difficult perspective subjects—illustrating not only directions of line, but effects of light - with a care and completion which would put the work of any ordinary teacher to utter shame. In teaching generally — he would neither waste time nor spare it - he would look over a student's drawing at the Academy, point to a defective part, make a scratch on the paper at the side, say nothing. If the student saw what was wanted, and did it, Turner was delighted; but if the student could not follow. Turner left him. ** Quote, c. 1850's; describing Turner's perspective lectures; as quoted in ''The life of J.M.W. Turner'', Volume II, [[w:George Walter Thornbury|George Walter Thornbury]]; Hurst and Blackett Publishers, London, 1862, p. 108 * There is but one question ultimately to be asked respecting every line you draw, Is it right or wrong? If right, it most assuredly is not a "free" line, but an intensely continent, restrained and considered line; and the action of the hand in laying it is just as decisive, and just as "free" as the hand of a first-rate surgeon in a critical incision. ** ''Cestus of Aglaia,'' chapter VI, section 72 (1865-66) * For when we are interested in the beauty of a thing, the oftener we can see it the better; but when we are interested only by the story of a thing, we get tired of hearing the same tale told over and over again, and stopping always at the same point — we want a new story presently, a newer and better one — and the picture of the day, and novel of the day, become as ephemeral as the coiffure or the bonnet of the day. Now this spirit is wholly adverse to the existence of any lovely art. If you mean to throw it aside to-morrow, you can never have it to-day. ** ''On the Condition of Modern Art,'' lecture (1867) * Punishment is the last and least effective instrument in the hands of the legislator for the prevention of crime. ** ''Notes on the General Principles of Employment for the Destitute and Criminal Classes'' (1868) * Engraving is, in brief terms, the Art of Scratch. ** ''Ariadne Florentina: Six Lectures on Wood and Metal Engraving, with Appendix,'' lecture I: Definition of the Art of Engraving, section 34 (1872) * In great states, children are always trying to remain children, and the parents wanting to make men and women of them. In vile states, the children are always wanting to be men and women, and the parents to keep them children. ** ''Mornings in Florence,'' part III, section 49 (1875) * Great nations write their autobiographies in three manuscripts—the book of their deeds, the book of their words, and the book of their art. Not one of these books can be understood unless we read the two others; but of the three, the only quite trustworthy one is the last. The acts of a nation may be triumphant by its good fortune; and its words mighty by the genius of a few of its children: but its art, only by the general gifts and common sympathies of the race. ** ''St. Mark's Rest: The History of Venice'' (1877) * Without perfect sympathy with the [[animals]] around them, no gentleman's education, no Christian education, could be of any possible use. ** At the annual meeting of the [[Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals]] (1877), in ''Arrows of the Chase'', vol. 2 (in [https://books.google.it/books?hl=it&id=Gpc3AAAAYAAJ ''The Complete Works of John Ruskin'', vol. 23]), p. 129 * Of all the ''bête,'' clumsy, blundering, boggling, baboon-blooded stuff I ever saw on a human stage, that thing last night beat — as far as the acting and story went — and of all the affected, sapless, soulless, beginningless, endless, topless, bottomless, topsiturviest, tuneless and scrannelpipiest — tongs and boniest — doggerel of sounds I ever endured the deadliness of, that eternity of nothing was the deadliest, so far as the sound went. I never was so relieved, so far as I can remember in my life, by the stopping of any sound — not excepting railway whistles — as I was by the cessation of the cobbler’s bellowing. ** On [[Richard Wagner]]'s ''Die Meistersinger'' ** Letter to {{w|Georgiana Burne-Jones}} (June 30, 1882) * '''My entire delight was in observing without being myself noticed,— if I could have been invisible, all the better.''' I was absolutely interested in men and their ways, as I was interested in marmots and chamois, in tomtits and trout. If only they would stay still and let me look at them, and not get into their holes and up their heights! '''The living inhabitation of the world — the grazing and nesting in it, — the spiritual power of the air, the rocks, the waters, to be in the midst of it, and rejoice and wonder at it, and help it if I could, — happier if it needed no help of mine, — this was the essential love of ''Nature'' in me, this the root of all that I have usefully become, and the light of all that I have rightly learned.''' ** ''Praeterita,'' volume I, chapter IX (1885-1889) * There is really no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather. ** Quoted by [[John Lubbock, 1st Baron Avebury]], ''The Use of Life'', chapter IV: "Recreation" (1894) === ''The Seven Lamps of Architecture'' (1849) === [[File:GG-bridge-12-2006.jpg|thumb|right|When we build, let us think that we build for ever.]] *There is nothing so small but that we may honour God by asking His guidance of it, or insult Him by taking it into our own hands. ** Introductory * '''It is the glistening and softly spoken lie; the amiable [[fallacy]]; the patriotic lie of the historian, the provident lie of the politician, the zealous lie of the partisan, the merciful lie of the friend, and the careless lie of each man to himself, that cast that black mystery over humanity, through which we thank any man who pierces, as we would thank one who dug a well in a desert.''' ** Chapter II: The Lamp of Truth, section 1 * I do not believe that ever any building was truly great, unless it had mighty masses, vigorous and deep, of shadow mingled with its surface. ** Chapter III: The Lamp of Power, section 13 * Work first and then rest. Work first, and then gaze, but do not use golden ploughshares, nor bind ledgers in enamel. ** Chapter IV: The Lamp of Beauty, section 19 * '''When we build, let us think that we build for ever.''' ** Chapter VI: The Lamp of Memory, section 10 * How false is the conception, how frantic the pursuit, of that treacherous phantom which men call Liberty. ** Chapter VII: The Lamp of Obedience, section 1 === ''[[w:The Stones of Venice (book)|The Stones of Venice]]'' (1853) === [[File:Pfau imponierend.jpg|thumb|right|Remember that the most [[beautiful]] things in the [[world]] are the most useless: peacocks and lilies, for instance.]] [[File:John Ruskin - Portrait - Project Gutenberg eText 17774.jpg|thumb|right|We blanch cotton, and [[strengthen]] [[steel]], and refine sugar, and shape pottery; but to brighten, to strengthen, to refine, or to form a single [[living]] [[spirit]], never enters into our estimate of advantages.]] * You were made for enjoyment, and the world was filled with things which you will enjoy, unless you are too proud to be pleased with them, or too grasping to care for what you cannot turn to other account than mere delight. '''Remember that the most beautiful things in the world are the most useless: peacocks and lilies, for instance.''' ** Volume I, chapter II, section 17 * '''In old times, men used their powers of painting to show the objects of faith; in later times, they used the objects of faith that they might show their powers of painting.''' ** Volume II, chapter IV, section 103 * '''Of all God's gifts to the sight of man, colour is the holiest, the most divine, the most solemn.''' ** Volume II, chapter V, section 30 * '''The purest and most thoughtful minds are those which love colour the most.''' ** Volume II, chapter V, section 30 * '''You must either make a tool of the creature, or a man of him.''' You cannot make both. Men were not intended to work with the accuracy of tools, to be precise and perfect in all their actions. If you will have that precision out of them, and make their fingers measure degrees like cog-wheels, and their arms strike curves like compasses, you must unhumanize them. All the energy of their spirits must be given to make cogs and compasses of themselves….On the other hand, if you will make a man of the working creature, you cannot make him a tool. Let him but begin to imagine, to think, to try to do anything worth doing; and the engine-turned precision is lost at once. Out come all his roughness, all his dulness, all his incapability; shame upon shame, failure upon failure, pause after pause: but out comes the whole majesty of him also; and we know the height of it only when we see the clouds settling upon him. ** Volume II, chapter VI, section 12 * We have much studied and much perfected, of late, the great civilized invention of the division of labour; only we give it a false name. It is not, truly speaking, the labour that it divided; but the men: — Divided into mere segments of men — broken into small fragments and crumbs of life; so that all the little piece of intelligence that is left in a man is not enough to make a pin, or a nail, but exhausts itself in making the point of a pin or the head of a nail. Now it is a good and desirable thing, truly, to make many pins in a day; but if we could only see with what crystal sand their points were polished, — sand of human soul, much to be magnified before it can be discerned for what it is — we should think that there might be some loss in it also. And '''the great cry that rises from our manufacturing cities, louder than their furnace blast, is all in very deed for this, — that we [[manufacture]] everything there except men; we blanch cotton, and strengthen steel, and refine sugar, and shape pottery; but to brighten, to strengthen, to refine, or to form a single living spirit, never enters into our estimate of advantages.''' And all the evil to which that cry is urging our myriads can be met only in one way: not by teaching nor preaching, for to teach them is but to show them their misery, and to preach at them, if we do nothing more than preach, is to mock at it. It can only be met by a right understanding, on the part of all classes, of what kinds of labour are good for men, raising them, and making them happy; by a determined sacrifice of such convenience or beauty, or cheapness as is to be got only by the degradation of the workman; and by equally determined demand for the products and results of healthy and ennobling labour. ** Volume II, chapter VI, section 16 * Of human work none but what is bad can be perfect in its own bad way. ** [http://books.google.com/books?id=AwICAAAAYAAJ&q=%22Of+human+work+none+but+what+is+bad+can+be+perfect+in+its+own+bad+way%22&pg=PA189#v=onepage Volume II, chapter VI, section 24] * '''We are to remember, in the first place, that the arrangement of colours and lines is an art analogous to the composition of music, and entirely independent of the representation of facts.''' Good colouring does not necessarily convey the image of anything but itself. It consists of certain proportions and arrangements of rays of light, but not in likeness to anything. A few touches of certain greys and purples laid by a master's hand on white paper will be good colouring; as more touches are added beside them, we may find out that they were intended to represent a dove's neck, and we may praise, as the drawing advances, the perfect imitation of the dove's neck. But the good colouring does not consist in that imitation, but in the abstract qualities and relations of the grey and purple. ** Volume II, chapter VI, section 42 * '''The world is full of vulgar Purists, who bring discredit on all selection by the silliness of their choice; and this the more, because the very becoming a Purist is commonly indicative of some slight degree of weakness, readiness to be offended, or narrowness of understanding of the ends of things.''' ** Volume II, chapter VI, section 62 * The work of science is to substitute facts for appearances, and demonstrations for impressions. ** Volume III * He who has the truth at his heart need never fear the want of persuasion on his tongue. ** Volume III, chapter II, section 99 * The first sight of the tomb Ilario di Carreto at Lucca at once altered the course of my life for me… and from that day I left the upholsterer's business in art to those who trade in it, and have guided my work, and limited my teaching, only by the sacred laws of truth and devotion which created the perfect schools of Christian art in Florence and Venice. ** Epilogue (Works Vol XI, Page 239) === ''A Joy for Ever'' (1857) === [[File:John Ruskin.jpg|thumb|right|[[Time]] is scytheless and toothless; it is we who gnaw like the [[worm]] — we who smite like the scythe.]] * '''You talk of the scythe of Time, and the tooth of Time: I tell you, Time is scytheless and toothless; it is we who gnaw like the worm — we who smite like the scythe. It is ourselves who abolish — ourselves who consume: we are the mildew, and the flame.''' ** Lecture II: The Accumulation and Distribution of Art, section 74 * The greatest minds are marked by nothing more distinctly than an inconceivable humility, and acceptance of work or instruction in any form, and from any quarter. They will learn from everybody, and do anything that anybody asks, so long as it involves only toil, or what other men would think degradation. ** Addenda, note 4, section 137 * For certainly it is excellent discipline for an author to feel that he must say all he has to say in the fewest possible words, or his reader is sure to skip them; and in the plainest possible words, or his reader will certainly misunderstand them. ** Addenda, note 6, section 141 === ''The Two Paths'' (1859) === * Fine art is that in which the hand, the head, and the ''heart'' of man go together. ** Lecture II: The Unity of Art, section 54 * Endurance is nobler than strength, and patience than beauty. ** Lecture IV: The Influence of Imagination in Architecture, section 137 * One of the chief reasons for the maintenance of an [[army]] is the advantage of the military system as a method of [[education]]. The most fiery and headstrong, who are often also the most gifted and generous of your youths, have always a tendency both in the lower and upper classes to offer themselves for your soldiers: others, weak and unserviceable in the civil capacity, are tempted or entrapped into the army in a fortunate hour for them: out of this fiery or uncouth material, it is only soldier's [[discipline]] which can bring the full value and [[power]]. Even at present, by mere force of [[order]] and [[authority]], the army is the salvation of myriads; and men who, under other circumstances, would have sunk into lethargy or dissipation, are redeemed into noble life by a service which at once summons and directs their energies. ** Lecture V: The Work of Iron, in Nature, Art, and Policy, p. 194 * You may either win your peace, or buy it:—win it, by resistance to evil;—buy it, by compromise with evil. ** Lecture V: [http://books.google.com/books?id=uYEM0Sd18DsC&q=&quot;you+may+either+win+your+peace+or+buy+it%22+%22win+it+by+resistance+to+evil%22+%22buy+it+by+compromise+with+evil&quot;&pg=PA196#v=onepage The Work of Iron, in Nature, Art, and Policy], section 196 === ''[[w:Modern Painters|Modern Painters]]'' (1843-1860) === [[File:Hoag's object.jpg|thumb|right|The [[infinity]] of [[God]] is not [[mysterious]], it is only unfathomable; not concealed, but incomprehensible; it is a clear infinity, the [[darkness]] of the [[pure]] unsearchable [[sea]].]] [[File:CL0024+17.jpg|thumb|right|The word "Blue" does ''not'' mean the ''sensation'' caused by a gentian on the [[human]] [[eye]]; but it means the ''[[power]]'' of producing that [[sensation]]: and this power is always there, in the thing, whether we are there to [[experience]] it or not...]] [[File:Egg Nebula.jpg|thumb|right|All [[violent]] [[feelings]] have the same [[effect]]. They produce in us a [[falseness]] in all our impressions of external things, which I would generally characterize as the "Pathetic Fallacy."]] [[File:Glory, spectre.jpg|thumb|right|To [[Perception|see]] [[clearly]] is [[poetry]], [[prophecy]], and [[religion]], — [[all]] in [[one]].]] [[File:RegenbogenDSCN0352.JPG|thumb|right|Be a plain topographer if you possibly can; if [[Nature]] meant you to be anything else, she will [[force]] you to it; but never try to be a [[prophet]].]] * He is the greatest artist who has embodied, in the sum of his works, the greatest number of the greatest ideas. ** Volume I, part I, chapter II, section 9 (1843) * '''The infinity of God is not mysterious, it is only unfathomable; not concealed, but incomprehensible; it is a clear infinity, the darkness of the pure unsearchable sea.''' ** Volume II, part III, section I, chapter V (1846) * I believe that the root of almost every schism and heresy from which the Christian church has ever suffered, has been the effort of men to earn, rather than to receive, their salvation. ** Volume II, part III, section I, chapter XV (1846) * '''There is never vulgarity in a ''whole'' truth, however commonplace. It may be unimportant or painful. It cannot be vulgar. Vulgarity is only in concealment of truth, or in affectation.''' ** Volume III, part IV, chapter VII (1856) * The word "Blue" does ''not'' mean the ''sensation'' caused by a gentian on the human eye; but it means the ''power'' of producing that sensation: and this power is always there, in the thing, whether we are there to experience it or not, and would remain there though there were not a man left on the face of the earth. ** Volume III, part IV, chapter XII (1856) * '''All violent feelings have the same effect. They produce in us a falseness in all our impressions of external things, which I would generally characterize as the "Pathetic Fallacy." ''' ** Volume III, part IV, chapter XII (1856) * And thus, in full, there are four classes: the men who feel nothing, and therefore see truly; the men who feel strongly, think weakly, and see untruly (second order of poets); the men who feel strongly, think strongly, and see truly (first order of poets); and the men who, strong as human creatures can be, are yet submitted to influences stronger than they, and see in a sort untruly, because what they see is inconceivably above them. This last is the usual condition of prophetic inspiration. ** Volume III, part IV, chapter XII (1856) * It is only the basest writer who cannot speak of the sea without talking of "raging waves," "remorseless floods," "ravenous billows," etc.; and it is one of the signs of the highest power in a writer to check all such habits of thought, and to keep his eyes fixed firmly on the ''pure fact'', out of which if any feeling comes to him or his reader, he knows it must be a true one. ** Volume III, part IV, chapter XII (1856) * '''The greatest thing a human soul ever does in this world is to ''see'' something, and tell what it ''saw'' in a plain way. Hundreds of people can talk for one who can think, but thousands can think for one who can see. To see clearly is poetry, prophecy, and religion, — all in one.''' ** Volume III, part IV, chapter XVI (1856) * To invent a story, or admirably and thoroughly tell any part of a story, it is necessary to grasp the entire mind of every personage concerned in it, and know precisely how they would be affected by what happens; which to do requires a colossal intellect: but to describe a separate emotion delicately, it is only needed that one should feel it oneself; and thousands of people are capable of feeling this or that noble emotion, for one who is able to enter into all the feelings of someone sitting on the other side of the table. ** Volume III, part IV, chapter XVI (1856) * '''In general, when the imagination is at all noble, it is irresistible, and therefore those who can at all resist it ''ought'' to resist it. Be a plain topographer if you possibly can; if Nature meant you to be anything else, she will force you to it; but never try to be a prophet.''' ** Volume III, part V, chapter II (1856) * It is not possible to find a landscape, which if painted precisely as it is, will not make an impressive picture. No one knows, till he has tried, what strange beauty and subtle composition is prepared to his hand by Nature. ** Volume III, part V, chapter II (1856) * In general, [[pride]] is at the bottom of all great [[mistakes]]. ** Volume IV, part V, chapter III, section 22 (1856) * '''All true opinions are living, and show their life by being capable of nourishment; therefore of change. But their change is that of a tree — not of a cloud.''' ** Volume V, Preface (1860) * Expression, sentiment, truth to nature, are essential: but all those are not enough. I never care to look at a picture again, if it be ill composed; and if well composed I can hardly leave off looking at it. ** Volume V, part VIII, chapter I, section 2 (1860) * The power which causes the several portions of the plant to help each other, we call life. Much more is this so in an animal. We may take away the branch of a tree without much harm to it; but not the animal's limb. Thus, intensity of life is also intensity of helpfulness — completeness of depending of each part on all the rest. The ceasing of this help is what we call corruption; and in proportion to the perfectness of the help, is the dreadfulness of the loss. The more intense the life has been, the more terrible is its corruption. ** Volume V, part VIII, chapter 1, section 4 (1860) * '''In painting as in eloquence, the greater your strength, the quieter your manner.''' ** Volume V, part VIII, chapter III (1860) * Other men used their effete faiths and mean faculties with a high moral purpose. The Venetian gave the most earnest faith, and the lordliest faculty, to gild the shadows of an antechamber, or heighten the splendours of a holiday. ** Volume V, part IX, chapter III, section 52 (1860) * A monk of La Trappe, a French soldier of the Imperial Guard, and a thriving mill-owner, supposing each a type, and no more than a type, of his class, are all interesting specimens of humanity, but narrow ones, — so narrow that even all the three together would not make up a perfect man. ** Volume V, part IX, chapter XI (1860) * '''There are, indeed, two forms of discontent: one laborious, the other indolent and complaining. We respect the man of laborious desire, but let us not suppose that his restlessness is peace, or his ambition meekness. It is because of the special connection of meekness with contentment that it is promised that the meek shall "inherit the earth." Neither covetous men, nor the Grave, can ''inherit'' anything; they can but consume. Only contentment can possess.''' ** Volume V, part IX, chapter XI (1860) === ''[[w:Unto This Last|Unto This Last]]'' (1860) === [[wikisource:Unto This Last (Ruskin)|Full text at Wikisource]] [[File:Halo in cirrostratus 1.jpg|thumb|right| That [[country]] is the [[richest]] which nourishes the [[greatest]] numbers of [[noble]] and [[happy]] [[human]] [[beings]].]] * “I choose my physician and my clergyman, thus indicating my sense of the quality of their work.” By all means, also, choose your bricklayer; that is the proper reward of the good workman, to be “chosen.” '''The natural and right system respecting all labour is, that it should be paid at a fixed rate, but the good workman employed, and the bad workman unemployed. The false, unnatural, and destructive system is when the bad workman is allowed to offer his work at half-price, and either take the place of the good, or force him by his competition to work for an inadequate sum.''' ** Essay I: "The Roots of Honour," section 29 * Primarily, which is very notable and curious, I observe that men of business rarely know the meaning of the word 'rich'. At least, if they know, they do not in their reasoning allow for the fact, that it is a relative word, implying its opposite 'poor' as positively as the word 'north' implies its opposite 'south'. Men nearly always speak and write as if riches were absolute, and it were possible, by following certain scientific precepts, for everybody to be rich. Whereas riches are a power like that electricity, acting only through inequalities or negations of itself. The force of the guinea you have in your pockets depends wholly on the default of a guinea in your neighbour's pocket. If he did not want it, it would be of no use to you; the degree of power it possesses depends accurately upon the need or desire he has for it,— and the art of making yourself rich, in the ordinary mercantile economist's sense, is therefore equally and necessarily the art of keeping your neighbour poor. ** Essay two: 'The Veins of Wealth' * Suppose any person to be put in possession of a large estate of fruitful land, with rich beds of gold in its gravel; countless herds of cattle in its pastures; houses, and gardens, and storehouses full of useful stores; but suppose, after all, that he could get no servants? In order that he may be able to have servants, some one in his neighbourhood must be poor, and in want of his gold — or his corn. Assume that no one is in want of either, and that no servants are to be had. He must, therefore, bake his own bread, make his own clothes, plough his own ground, and shepherd his own flocks. His gold will be as useful to him as any other yellow pebbles on his estate. His stores must rot, for he cannot consume them. He can eat no more than another man could eat, and wear no more than another man could wear. He must lead a life of severe and common labour to procure even ordinary comforts; he will be ultimately unable to keep either houses in repair, or fields in cultivation; and forced to content himself with a poor man's portion of cottage and garden, in the midst of a desert of waste land, trampled by wild cattle, and encumbered by ruins of palaces, which he will hardly mock at himself by calling "his own." ** Essay II: "The Veins of Wealth," section 29 * ..the art of becoming 'rich', in the common sense, is not absolutely nor finally the art of accumulating much money for ourselves, but also of contriving that our neighbour shall have less. In accurate terms, it is 'the art of establishing the maximum inequality in your own favour'. ** Essay II: "The Veins of Wealth" * Inequalities of wealth, unjustly established, have assuredly injured the nation in which they exist during their establishment; and, unjustly directed, they injure it yet more during their existence. But inequalities of wealth justly established, benefit the nation in the course of their establishment; and, nobly used, aid it yet more by their existence. ** Essay II: page 280 * And with respect to the mode in which these general principles affect the secure possession of property, so far am I from invalidating such security, that the whole gist of these papers will be found ultimately to aim at an extension in its range; and '''whereas it has long been known and declared that the poor have no right to the property of the rich, I wish it also to be known and declared that the rich have no right to the property of the poor.''' ** Essay III: "Qui Judicatis Terram," section 54 * We need examples of people who, leaving Heaven to decide whether they are to rise in the world, decide for themselves that they will be happy in it, and have resolved to seek — not greater wealth, but simpler pleasure; not higher fortune, but deeper felicity; making the first of possessions, self-possession; and honouring themselves in the harmless pride and calm pursuits of peace. ** Essay IV: "Ad Valorem," (p. 135 of [http://books.google.com/books?id=59UWAAAAYAAJ&dq=%22leaving%20heaven%20to%20decide%20whether%20they%20are%20to%20rise%20in%20the%20world%22%20intitle%3AUnto%20intitle%3AThis%20intitle%3ALast%20inauthor%3AJohn%20inauthor%3ARuskin&pg=RA1-PA135#v=onepage&q=%22leaving%20heaven%20to%20decide%20whether%20they%20are%20to%20rise%20in%20the%20world%22%20intitle:Unto%20intitle:This%20intitle:Last%20inauthor:John%20inauthor:Ruskin&f=true| 1881 edition]) * '''''There is no wealth but life.'' Life, including all its powers of love, of joy, and of admiration. That country is the richest which nourishes the greatest numbers of noble and happy human beings; that man is richest, who, having perfected the functions of his own life to the utmost, has also the widest helpful influence, both personal, and by means of his possessions, over the lives of others.''' ** Essay IV: "Ad Valorem," section 77 === ''The Crown of Wild Olive'' (1866) === * Ask a great money-maker what he wants to do with his money, — he never knows. He doesn't make it to do anything with it. He gets it only that he ''may'' get it. "What will you make of what you have got?" you ask. "Well, I'll get more," he says. Just as at cricket, you get more runs. There's no use in the runs, but to get more of them than other people is the game. So all that great foul city of London there, — rattling, growling, smoking, stinking, — a ghastly heap of fermenting brickwork, pouring out poison at every pore, — you fancy it is a city of work? Not a street of it! It is a great city of play; very nasty play and very hard play, but still play. ** Lecture I: Work, section 24 * Now, if we want to work for this [God's] kingdom, and to bring it, and enter into it, there is one curious condition to be first accepted. You must enter into it as children, or not at all. ** Lecture I: Work, section 46 * A little group of wise hearts is better than a wilderness full of fools. ** Lecture III: War, section 114 * What we think, or what we know, or what we believe is, in the end, of little consequence. The only consequence is what we ''do.'' ** Lecture IV: The Future of England, section 151 === ''Time and Tide'' (1867) === * '''Labour without joy is base. Labour without sorrow is base. Sorrow without labour is base. Joy without labour is base.''' ** Letter V: Entertainment, section 21 * Your honesty is ''not'' to be based either on religion or policy. Both your religion and policy must be based on ''it.'' Your honesty must be based, as the sun is, in vacant heaven; poised, as the lights in the firmament, which have rule over the day and over the night. ** Letter VIII: Things Written, section 33 * To make your children ''capable of honesty'' is the beginning of education. Make them men first, and religious men afterwards, and all will be sound; but a knave's religion is always the rottenest thing about him. ** Letter VIII: Things Written, section 33 * The first duty of a state is to see that every child born therein shall be well housed, clothed, fed, and educated, till it attains years of discretion. ** Letter XIII: Episcopacy and Dukedom, section 70 === ''Sesame and Lilies'' (1864-1869) === * The greatest efforts of the race have always been traceable to the love of praise, as its greatest catastrophes to the love of pleasure. ** Lecture I: Sesame. Of Kings' Treasuries, section 3 * And besides; the problem of land, at its worst, is a bye one; distribute the earth as you will, the principal question remains inexorable, —Who is to dig it? <b>Which of us, in brief word, is to do the hard and dirty work for the rest, and for what pay?</b> ** Lecture I: Sesame. Of Kings' Treasuries, note to section 30 * '''When men are rightly occupied, their amusement grows out of their work''', as the colour-petals out of a fruitful flower;—when they are faithfully helpful and compassionate, all their emotions become steady, deep, perpetual, and vivifying to the soul as the natural pulse to the body. '''But now, having no true business, we pour our whole masculine energy into the false business of money-making; and having no true emotion, we must have false emotions dressed up for us to play with''', not innocently, as children with dolls, but guiltily and darkly. ** Lecture I: Sesame. Of Kings' Treasuries, section 39 * He only is advancing in life whose heart is getting softer, whose blood warmer, whose brain quicker, whose spirit is entering into Living peace. And the men who have this life in them are the true lords or kings of the earth — they, and they only. ** Lecture I: Sesame. Of Kings' Treasuries, section 42 * "The work of men" — and what is that? Well, we may any of us know very quickly, on the condition of being wholly ready to do it. But many of us are for the most part thinking, not of what we are to do, but of what we are to get; and the best of us are sunk into the sin of Ananias, and it is a mortal one — we want to keep back part of the price; and we continually talk of taking up our cross, as if the only harm in a cross was the weight of it — as if it was only a thing to be carried, instead of to be — crucified upon. "They that are Christ's have crucified the flesh, with the affections and lusts." ** Lecture III: The Mystery of Life and Its Arts, section 135 * Levi's station in life was the receipt of custom; and Peter's, the shore of Galilee; and Paul's, the antechambers of the High- Priest,— which "station in life" each had to leave, with brief notice. ** Lecture III: The Mystery of Life and Its Arts, section 135 * Give such a girl any true work that will make her active in the dawn, and weary at night, with the consciousness that her fellow-creatures have indeed been the better for her day, and the powerless sorrow of her enthusiasm will transform itself into a majesty of radiant and beneficent peace. ** Lecture III: The Mystery of Life and Its Arts, section 140 ** The opening four words of this quote are often paraphrased (drawing on the preceding lines) as "Give an earnest-hearted, devoted girl..." === ''Lectures on Art'' (1870) === [[File:NSRW John Ruskin.png|thumb|right|[[Life]] without [[industry]] is [[guilt]], and industry without art is [[brutality]].]] * '''Life without [[industry]] is guilt, and industry without [[art]] is brutality.''' ** Lecture III * '''The secret of language is the secret of sympathy and its full charm is possible only to the gentle.''' ** Lecture III * '''The entire vitality of art depends upon its being either full of truth, or full of use'''; and that, however pleasant, wonderful, or impressive it may be in itself, it must yet be of inferior kind, and tend to deeper inferiority, unless it has clearly one of these main objects, — either to state a true thing, or to adorn a serviceable one. ** Lecture IV === ''The Eagle's Nest'' (1872) === * In all base schools of art, the [[craftsman]] is dependent for his bread on [[originality]]; that is to say, on finding in himself some fragment of isolated faculty, by which his work may be distinct from that of other men. We are ready enough to take delight in our little doings, without any such stimulus; — what must be the effect of the popular applause which continually suggests that the little thing we can separately do is as [[excellent]] as it is singular; and what the effect of the bribe, held out to us through the whole of life, to produce — it being also in our peril ''not'' to produce — something different from the work of our neighbors? ** Lecture II, section 32 * '''We shall be remembered in history as the most cruel, and therefore the most unwise, generation of men that ever yet troubled the earth: — the most cruel in proportion to their sensibility, — the most unwise in proportion to their science.''' No people, understanding pain, ever inflicted so much: no people, understanding facts, ever acted on them so little. ** Lecture II, section 35 * What do you suppose makes all men look back to the time of childhood with so much regret (if their childhood has been, in any moderate degree, healthy or peaceful)? That rich charm, which the least possession had for us, was in consequence of the poorness of our treasures. ** Lecture V, section 82 * '''Ignorance, which is contented and clumsy, will produce what is imperfect, but not offensive. But ignorance ''dis''contented and dexterous, learning what it cannot understand, and [[imitating]] what it cannot enjoy, produces the most loathsome forms of [[manufacture]] that can disgrace or mislead humanity.''' ** Lecture V, section 88 ===''The Ethics of the Dust'' (1875)=== * '''I have always found that the less we speak of our intentions, the more chance there is of our realizing them.''' ** [[s:The_Ethics_of_the_Dust/Preface|Preface to the first edition]], 1865 * All of one's life is a music, if one touches the notes rightly and in time. ** Lecture IV: The Crystal Orders, section 35 * Do not think of your faults; still less of others' faults: in every person who comes near you, look for what is good and strong: honour that; rejoice in it; and, as you can, try to imitate it. ** Lecture V: Crystal Virtues, section 57 * God is a kind Father. He sets us all in the place where He wishes us to be employed; and that employment is truly "our Father's business." He chooses work for every creature which will be delightful to them, if they do it simply and humbly. He gives us always strength enough, and sense enough, for what He wants us to do; if we either tire ourselves, or puzzle ourselves, it is our own fault. And we may always be sure, whatever we are doing, that we cannot be pleasing Him, if we are not happy ourselves. ** Lecture VI: Crystal Quarrels, section 72 * All you have really to do is to keep your back as straight as you can; and not think about what is upon it. The real and essential meaning of "virtue" is that straightness of back. ** Lecture VII: Home Virtues, section 80 ===''Fors Clavigera'' (1871-1878 and 1880-1884)=== [[File:Rose_la_Touche_on_her_deathbed.jpg|thumb|right|I am far more provoked at being thought [[foolish]] by foolish people, than [[pleased]] at being thought [[sensible]] by sensible people; and the average proportion of the numbers of each is not to my advantage.]] * You think it a great triumph to make the sun draw brown landscapes for you! That was also a discovery, and some day may be useful. But the sun had drawn landscapes before for you, not in brown, but in green, and blue, and all imaginable colours, here in England. Not one of you ever looked at them, then; not one of you cares for the loss of them, now, when you have shut the sun out with smoke, so that he can draw nothing more, except brown blots through a hole in a box. There was a rocky valley between Buxton and Bakewell, once upon a time, divine as the vale of Tempe; you might have seen the Gods there morning and evening, — Apollo and all the sweet Muses of the Light — walking in fair procession on the lawns of it, and to and fro among the pinnacles of its crags. You cared neither for Gods nor grass, but for cash (which you did not know the way to get); you thought you could get it by what the ''Times'' calls "Railroad Enterprise." You Enterprised a Railroad through the valley — you blasted its rocks away, heaped thousands of tons of shale into its lovely stream. The valley is gone, and the gods with it; and now, every fool in Buxton can be at Bakewell in half-an-hour, and every fool in Bakewell at Buxton; which you think a lucrative process of exchange — you Fools Everywhere. ** ''Fors Clavigera,'' letter v (1 May 1871) * '''An unimaginative person can neither be reverent nor kind.''' ** ''Fors Clavigera,'' letter xxxiv (October 1873) * '''I am far more provoked at being thought foolish by foolish people, than pleased at being thought sensible by sensible people; and the average proportion of the numbers of each is not to my advantage.''' ** ''Fors Clavigera,'' letter xxxvii, (1 January 1874) * For this dead Venice once taught us to be merchants, sailors and gentlemen; and this dying England taught the Americans all they have of speech, or thought, hitherto. What thoughts they have not learned from England are foolish thoughts; what words they have not learned from England, unseemly words; the vile among them not being able even to be humorous parrots, but only obscene mocking birds. ** ''Fors Clavigera,'', letter xlii, ([https://archive.org/stream/forsclavigera02ruskiala#page/204/mode/2up 1 June 1874]; quoted by [[w:William Archer (critic)|William Archer]] in [[s:America To-Day, Observations and Reflections/The American Language#183|America To-Day]]) * '''Human work must be done thoroughly and honourably because we are now men; whether we ever expect to be angels, or ever were slugs, being practically no matter.''' ** ''Fors Clavigera,'' letter lxxvi (4 March 1877) {{disputed begin}} == Disputed == * There is hardly anything in the world that some man cannot make a little worse and sell a little cheaper, and the people who consider price only are this man’s lawful prey. ** Earliest print appearance (without quotation marks or attribution) is in a letter from J. A. Richards in a 1901 issue of an advertising trade journal. {{cite web | url=https://quoteinvestigator.com/2020/05/21/cheap/ | website=quoteinvestigator.com | title=There Is Nothing in This World That Someone Cannot Make a Little Worse and Sell a Little Cheaper | date=2020-05-21 | accessdate=2021-04-20 }} ** According to Ruskin scholar George P. Landow, there is no evidence that this quotation or its variants can be found in any of Ruskin's works. ** {{cite news | last =Landow | first =George P. | title=A Ruskin Quotation? | publisher=VictorianWeb.org | date =2007-07-27 | url=http://www.victorianweb.org/authors/ruskin/quotation.html | accessdate =2013-01-07 }} * It's unwise to pay too much, but it's worse to pay too little. When you pay too much, you lose a little money — that is all. When you pay too little, you sometimes lose everything, because the thing you bought was incapable of doing the thing it was bought to do. The common law of business balance prohibits paying a little and getting a lot — it can't be done. If you deal with the lowest bidder, it is well to add something for the risk you run, and if you do that you will have enough to pay for something better. ** Known as the [[w:Common Law of Business Balance|Common Law of Business Balance]], this quotation has been widely attributed to Ruskin but has never been sourced to any of his works. ** {{cite book|last=Shapiro|first=Fred R.|title=The Yale Book of Quotations|year=2006|publisher=Yale University Press|location=New Haven|page=657}} {{disputed end}} {{misattributed begin}} == Misattributed == * When love and skill work together, expect a masterpiece. ** Widely attributed on the Internet to John Ruskin; see [https://www.google.com/search?num=50&q=%2B%22When+love+and+skill+work+together%2C+expect+a+masterpiece.%22+%2B%22John+Ruskin%22+-%22Charles+Reade%22&oq=%2B%22When+love+and+skill+work+together%2C+expect+a+masterpiece.%22+%2B%22John+Ruskin%22+-%22Charles+Reade%22&gs_l=serp.12...143064.148395.0.150598.2.2.0.0.0.0.108.196.1j1.2.0....0...1c.1.64.serp..0.0.0.JURsIFvRl34 this Google search] for thousands of pages containing the quote AND "John Ruskin" but NOT "Charles Reade". ** This is actually from ''[[w:Put Yourself in His Place|Put Yourself in His Place]]'' by [[w:Charles Reade|Charles Reade]]. {{misattributed end}} == Quotes about Ruskin == :<small> Sorted alphabetically by author or source</small> *No one managed [[Thomas Carlyle|Carlyle]] so well as Ruskin; it was quite beautiful to see him. Carlyle would say outrageous things, running counter to all Ruskin valued and cared for. Ruskin would treat Mr. Carlyle like a naughty child, lay his arms round him, and say, "Now, this is too bad! ..." **[[Jane Welsh Carlyle]], quoted in ''Anne Gilchrist: Her Life and Writings'', ed. Herbert Harlakenden Gilchrist (1887), p. 82 * As an artist in prose he is one of the most miraculous products of the extremely poetical genius of England. The length of a Ruskin sentence is like that length in the long arrow that was boasted of by the drawers of the bow. He draws, not a cloth-yard shaft but a long lance to his ear: he shoots a spear. But the whole goes light as a bird and straight as a bullet. ** [[G. K. Chesterton]], ''The Victorian Age in Literature'' (1913), ch. I: The Victorian Compromise and Its Enemies * The point and stab of his challenge still really stands and sticks, like a dagger in a dead man. ** [[G. K. Chesterton]], ''The Victorian Age in Literature'' (1913), ch. I: The Victorian Compromise and Its Enemies * Changes in the structure of society are not brought about solely by massive engines of doctrine. The first flash of insight which persuades human beings to change their basic assumptions is usually contained in a few phrases. Poets may not be "the unacknowledged legislators of the world"; but Ruskin, like [[Jean-Jacques Rousseau|Rousseau]], changed the world by a vision which has the intensity and innocence of poetry. ** [[Kenneth Clark]], ''Ruskin Today'' (1964), Section 5: A Note on Ruskin's Writings on Society and Economics * The combination of shrewd common sense and romantic sentiment; the oscillation between levity and dignity, from caustic jest to tender earnestness ; the restlessness, the fervour, the impestuosity, — all these are characteristics of a Scotsman of parts and highly developed in Ruskin. **[[w:W. G. Collingwood|W. G. Collingwood]], in ''The Life and Work of John Ruskin'' (1893) 2nd edition, p. 4 *Mr Ruskin is morally Conservative, intellectually Radical. **[[w:W. G. Collingwood|W. G. Collingwood]], in ''The Life and Work of John Ruskin'' (1893) 2nd edition, p. 216 * The truth of infinite value that he teaches is ''realism'' — the doctrine that all truth and beauty are to be attained by a humble and faithful study of nature, and not by substituting vague forms, bred by imagination on the mists of feeling, in place of definite, substantial reality. The thorough acceptance of this doctrine would remould our life; and he who teaches its application to any one department of human activity with such power as Mr Ruskin's, is a prophet for his generation. ** [[George Eliot]], ''Westminster Review'' # 65 (April 1856) * I cannot therefore claim much book knowledge. However, I believe I have not lost much because of this enforced restraint. On the contrary, the limited reading may be said to have enabled me thoroughly to digest what I did read. Of these books, the one that brought about an instantaneous and practical transformation in my life was ''Unto This Last.'' I translated it later into Gujarati, entitling it ''Sarvodaya'' (the welfare of all). I believe that I discovered some of my deepest convictions reflected in this great book of Ruskin, and that is why it so captured me and made me transform my life. A poet is one who can call forth the good latent in the human breast. Poets do not influence all alike, for everyone is not evolved in a equal measure. The teaching of ''Unto This Last'' I understood to be:<p>1. That the good of the individual is contained in the good of all.<br>2. That a lawyer's work has the same value as the barber's inasmuch as all have the same right of earning their livelihood from their work.<br>3. That a life of labour, i.e., the life of the tiller of the soil and the handicraftsman is the life worth living.<p>The first of these I knew. The second I had dimly realized. The third had never occurred to me. ''Unto This Last'' made it as clear as daylight for me that the second and the third were contained in the first. I arose with the dawn, ready to reduce these principles to practice. ** [[Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi]], [http://en.wikisource.org/wiki/The_Story_of_My_Experiments_with_Truth/Part_IV/The_Magic_Spell_of_a_Book ''An Autobiography or The Story of my Experiments with Truth''] (1927-1929), trans. [[w:Mahadev Desai|Mahadev Desai]], Part IV, Ch. XVIII *Fifty years ago Ruskin was widely and, with rare exceptions, approvingly regarded as a major moral and practical inspiration behind the public welfare reforms of wartime and post-war Britain... [[Social security]] from the cradle to the grave, [[w:State ownership|public ownership]] of key industries, state patronage of culture, [[w:New towns in the United Kingdom|planned new towns]], and policies of [[w:Full employment|full employment]] were all seen as clearly foreshadowed in Ruskin's writings on social philosophy of the 1860s and 1870s, particularly in ''[[w:Unto This Last|Unto This Last]]'' and ''[[w:Fors Clavigera|Fors Clavigera]]''. **[[w:Jose Harris|Jose Harris]], 'Ruskin and Social Reform', in Dinah Birch (ed.), ''Ruskin and the Dawn of the Modern'' (1999), p. 7 *There are very few whose Utopias have in any detail come true, or have, like Ruskin's, remained a permanently fruitful ideal. In politics his influence has been entirely for good. **[[Aldous Huxley]], [https://victorianweb.org/authors/ruskin/politicsov.html 1919] *Ruskin's own artistic life would have been impossible without the paternal sherry and the rich men who drank it. ** [[William Ralph Inge]], The Rede Lecture for 1922 [https://archive.org/details/victorianage00ingeiala/page/n6/mode/1up?view=theater page 19 THE VICTORIAN AGE The Rede Lecture for 1922 WILLIAM RALPH INGE] *I should wish never to lose the impression of the kind welcome which I received from him. He is the gentlest and most innocent of mankind, of great genius but inconsecutive; and he has never rubbed his mind against others, so that he is ignorant of very obvious things. **[[Benjamin Jowett]], letter (1883), quoted in Evelyn Abbott and Lewis Campbell, ''The Life and Letters of Benjamin Jowett, M.A. Master of Balliol College, Oxford. Vol. II'' (1897), p. 257 *The change which Ruskin's work made in economic thinking has been so far-reaching that today it is difficult for us to realise the perversity and the power of the economic teaching which he fought... Perhaps the greatest contribution which Ruskin made to [[political economy]] was this enlargement of its scope. It was not to be confined to exchange: it was not to ignore the real goodness or badness of men's choices: "The essential work of the political economist", he says in ''Munera Pulveris'', "is to determine what are in reality useful or life-giving things and by what degrees and kinds of labour they are attainable and distributable". The political economists of his time would have stoutly denied that it was their business to determine what things are in reality useful, and many economists would still be of the same opinion. By the economist demand must be taken for granted—whatever it was a demand for. Whether the object demanded was good or evil, would do good or harm was not the economists' business. Ruskin refused to accept this abstraction—for an abstraction it surely is, and by his refusal often saw things to which the professionals were blind. **[[w:Sandie Lindsay, 1st Baron Lindsay of Birker|Lord Lindsay of Birker]], 'The Social Conscience and the Ideas of Ruskin', in ''Ideas and Beliefs of the Victorians: An Historic Revaluation of the Victorian Age'' (1949), pp. 279-280 *Long and singular was Ruskin's journey through many landscapes, and his influence in all directions, social and aesthetic, was so remarkable that even those who have least predilection for it may perhaps call it the greatest event in our literary history since ''[[w:Lyrical Ballads|Lyrical Ballads]]'' and ''[[w:Waverley (novel)|Waverley]]''. At least one exceptionally good observer judged that as [[Thomas Carlyle|Carlyle]]...had written himself out as a source of social inspiration, it was Ruskin alone among writers of prose, apart from fiction, who relieved us from the reign of Commentators. **[[John Morley, 1st Viscount Morley of Blackburn|John Morley]], ''Recollections, Volume I'' (1917), p. 16 *He used to attend [[William Ewart Gladstone|Mr. Gladstone]]'s breakfasts, and at one of them the host pronounced three grand things to be done to the ways of the world by mankind. First, the introduction of more lenient and humane practice with prisoners; second, a general sentiment against war; and third, the abolition of slaves. "Yes," said Ruskin in his mild tones, "but then I don't think prisons ought to be made humane; and I'm not against slavery; and I'm not against war." **[[John Morley, 1st Viscount Morley of Blackburn|John Morley]], ''Recollections, Volume I'' (1917), pp. 291-292 *...there were a few who were in open rebellion against the said [[Whigs (British political party)|Whiggery]] — a few, say two, [[Thomas Carlyle|Carlyle]] and Ruskin. The latter, before my days of practical Socialism, was my master towards the ideal aforesaid, and, looking backward, I cannot help saying, by the way, how deadly dull the world would have been twenty years ago but for Ruskin! **[[William Morris]], ''How I Became a Socialist'', ''Justice'', 1894. Quoted in Jackson, Kevin, ''The Worlds of John Ruskin''. London : Pallas Athene and the Ruskin Foundation, 2010. *For the sake of others who have not known him as I have known him, I would declare my conviction that no other master of literature in our time has more earnestly and steadily endeavoured to set forth for the help of those whom he addressed whatsoever things are true, honest, just, pure, and lovely; or in his own life has more faithfully tried to practise the virtues which spring from the contemplation of these things and their adoption as the rule of conduct. **[[Charles Eliot Norton]], 'Introduction' (October 1890) to John Ruskin, ''Time and Tide by Weare and Tyne: Twenty-Five Letters to a Working Man of Sunderland on the Laws of Work'' (1891), p. x *This lack of appreciation (for Lorrain) on Ruskin’s part is one of the many reasons why he was far from being the art critic that he considered himself ** Mary Knight Potter, ''The Art of the Louvre'' George Bell (1904), p. 279 * Ruskin's special gift was the feeling for beauty, in nature as in art. It was in Beauty that his nature led him to seek reality, and his entirely religious life received from it an entirely aesthetic use. But this Beauty to which he thus happened to dedicate his life was not conceived by him as an object of enjoyment made to charm, but as a reality infinitely more important than life, for which he would have given his own life. From this, as you will see, the whole aesthetic system of Ruskin follows. First, you will understand that the years when he became acquainted with a new school of architecture or of painting were the principal landmarks in the development of his ethics. He would speak of the years when Gothic art presented itself to him with the same gravity, the same emotional nostalgia, the same serenity with which a Christian speaks of the day the truth was revealed to him. ** [[Marcel Proust]], preface to ''La Bible d'Amiens'' (1904), Proust's translation of Ruskin's ''The Bible of Amiens''; from ''Marcel Proust: On Reading Ruskin'' (Yale University Press, 1987, <small>{{ISBN|0-300-04503-4}}</small>), trans. Jean Autret and Philip J. Wolfe, pp. 33-34 *It is insufficiently recognised in many universities that some of the great issues of social relations today are not susceptible to analysis and understanding by any ''one'' social science discipline alone. In part, this has happened because we have compartmentalised and departmentalised knowledge about man in society. "Not only," said John Ruskin over a hundred years ago, "is there but one way of ''doing'' things rightly, but there is one way of seeing them, and that is seeing the whole of them." **[[w:Richard Titmuss|Richard Titmuss]], ''Social Policy: An Introduction'', eds. Brian Abel-Smith and Kay Thomas (1974), pp. 58-59 * He [John Ruskin] knows a great deal more about my pictures than I do; he puts things into my head, and points out meanings in them that I never intended. ** [[J. M. W. Turner|J. M. W. Turner]], c. 1840's; as quoted by [[w:George Walter Thornbury|George Walter Thornbury]], in ''The life of J.M.W. Turner'', Volume II; Hurst and Blackett Publishers, London, 1862, p. 130; Turner did not appear to be pleased with Ruskin's superlative eulogies, according to [[w:Peter Cunningham (British writer)|Peter Cunningham]] * Hence has arisen that exaltation of the defective, of which John Ruskin and [[William Morris]] were such eager spokesmen in their time; and on this ground their propaganda of crudity and wasted effort has been taken up and carried forward since their time. And hence also the propaganda for a return to handicraft and household industry. So much of the work and speculations of this group of men as fairly comes under the characterization here given would have been impossible at a time when the visibly more perfect goods were not the cheaper. ** [[Thorstein Veblen]], ''[[The Theory of the Leisure Class]]: An Economic Study of Institutions'' (1899) * The style in which page after page of ''Modern Painters'' is written takes our breath away. We find ourselves marvelling at the words, as if all the fountains of the English language had been set playing in the sunlight for our pleasure, but it seems scarcely fitting to ask what meaning they have for us. After a time, falling into a passion with this indolent pleasure-loving temper in his readers, Ruskin checked his fountains, and curbed his speech to the very spirited, free and almost colloquial English in which ''Fors Clavigera'' and ''Praeterita'' are written. In these changes, and in the restless play of his mind upon one subject after another, there is something, we scarcely know how to define it, of the wealthy and cultivated amateur, full of fire and generosity and brilliance, who would give all he possesses of wealth and brilliance to be taken seriously, but who is fated to remain for ever an outsider. ** [[Virginia Woolf]], "Ruskin," from ''The Captain's Death Bed and Other Essays'' (1950) == External links == *{{wikipedia-inline}} *{{wikisource-inline|Author:John Ruskin}} *{{Commonscat-inline}} * {{gutenberg author|id=John_Ruskin|name=John Ruskin}} {{Conservative intellectuals}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Ruskin, John}} [[Category:1819 births]] [[Category:1900 deaths]] [[Category:Philosophers from England]] [[Category:Poets from England]] [[Category:Painters from England]] [[Category:Journalists from England]] [[Category:Academics from England]] [[Category:Architects from England]] [[Category:Art critics]] [[Category:Environmentalists from England]] [[Category:Essayists from England]] [[Category:Socialists from England]] [[Category:People from London]] [[Category:University of Oxford alumni]] [[Category:King's College London alumni]] kygtqh2j7p7jlk9ysj5qac3w3x8dvlq 0 16296 3779042 3778451 2025-07-15T07:47:05Z Beestalman 440730 /* The Beast in the Cage (4) */ - tweaked quote 3779042 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} {{wikipedia}} '''''[[w:One Foot In The Grave|One Foot In The Grave]]''''' is a BBC television situation comedy series written by [[w:David Renwick|David Renwick]], which aired from 1990 to 2000. ==Series 1 (1990)== ===''Alive and Buried (1)''=== :'''Victor''': It was Bovril flavour today. :'''Margaret''': What?''' :'''Victor''': The empty crisp packet on the front lawn. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Victor''': I'm thinking of compiling a special reference guide: ''The Observer's Book Of Crap On Your Front Lawn.'' Give me something to do in the years ahead. <hr width="50%"/> :''' Margaret''': ''[On Victor being made redundant]'' What did they say? :'''Victor''': "Bugger off", I think was the general gist of it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Garage Manager''': Good afternoon. You're... :'''Victor''': Victor Meldrew the Crimson Avenger! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Garage Manager''': Could you tell me what exactly was the problem with the car? :'''Victor''': What? You mean you don't know what's wrong with it yet? :'''Garage Manager''': Well, we know what's wrong with it ''now''. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Margaret''': You've got a whole new life ahead of you Victor. I mean, you've hardly started. Got it all still to come. :'''Victor''': I know. That's what scares me. ===''The Big Sleep (2)''=== :'''Victor''': She can't be dead, she's a bloody health and fitness instructor! :'''Victor''': Welcome to stiff city. The dead of two world wars. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Victor''': [coming in with chocolate wrappers]'' ''Seven'' chocolate wrappers today. Makes you wander why the bother about funerals anymore. ''[Imitating punters]'' "Grandma's dead. Shall we bury her?" "No, just sling her over that bloke's fence." ===''The Eternal Quadrangle (5)''=== :'''Victor''': [pretending to talk to someone on the telephone] Victor Meldrew's Public Dosshouse Limited. Yes, we're taking bookings through to the end of April '92...we do have a last-minute cancellation. Mahatma Gandhi is just leaving. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Victor''': What in the name of sanity ... ===''The Return of the Speckled Band (6)''=== :'''Victor''': [after his unwanted hat was yet again returned to him] No, I don't believe it! ==Series 2 (1990)== ===''In Luton Airport, No One Can Hear You Scream (1)''=== :'''Nick Swainey''': ''(cheerfully)'' Remember me? Nick Swainey, Outwardbound for the Elderly. I called round that day and you told me to piss off. ===''We Have Put Her Living in the Tomb (2)''=== :'''Victor''': [talking in his sleep] Watch out, he's got the pastry. He's got the pastry! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Victor''': [talking in his sleep] Not with the pastry... Not with the pastry! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Victor''': [talking in his sleep] It's all gone now. There's no more pastry. ===''Timeless Time (6)''=== :'''Victor''': When you think about it, nothing ever exists...The future doesn't exist because it hasn't happened yet; the past doesn't exist because it's already over. But the present doesn't exist, because as soon as you start to think about it it's already in the past. Which doesn't exist any more. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Victor''': [to Margaret, on the time between one Xmas and the next] Yes, it's about two months now. They'll be draping tinsel over the Easter Eggs before long. Why can't they let you live your life at your own speed? ===''Love and Death (5)''=== :'''Victor''': I was force fed Weetabix puree and sentenced to death, an average day really. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Victor''': Unbelievable! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Victor''': [to Margaret] Well I can't lie like this forever, can I? Like a bed-ridden Dalek. ===''Who's Listening? (7)''=== :'''Victor''': [on the topic of Christmas shopping] I rather fancy having every bone in my body crushed to a pulp today, perhaps I'll go down WHSmith and spend five minutes in the book department. :'''Victor''': [to Margaret] [their room is full of garden gnomes] It's like sleeping in bloody Snow White's cottage. :'''Victor''': All the miseries in the world seem a hundred times worse at Christmas. :'''Victor''': [talking Margaret about Christmas] I don't suppose there was ever any magic in it. Only in old films with Jimmy Stewart, never in real life. :'''Meldrew''': [talking about Cilla Black] She's got a very infectious laugh. '''Victor Meldrew''': So has a hyena with anthrax. :'''Reverend Croker''': [to Margaret & Victor] Faith is absolute or it's nothing at all. ==Series 3 (1992)== ===''Christmas Special: The Man in the Long Black Coat'' (1991)=== :''[Discussing Victor and Patrick's feud]'' :'''Pippa''': I don't know what to do about him and Victor. I mean, it's one thing to call someone a "tosspot" to their face, but when you go to the lengths of having it iced on the front of a [[w:Thornton's|Thornton's]] Easter egg, I think it's got beyond a joke. I mean, he did put a card in the post as well. No name or address on the envelope, just the word's "To that cretin in the cap." I suppose it helped him let off steam at the time. :'''Margaret''': Yes. The irony is, we received it. About the quickest a letter's ever got to us, I think. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Talking about Victor's diet]'' :'''Pippa''': What sort of things does he eat? :'''Margaret''': ''[disgustedly]'' Anything, of any sort or description. In the most ''hideous'' and ''disgusting'' of combinations. Food you wouldn't put in the same ''cupboard'', he'd happily slice up together on his weetabix. It's like watching non-stop junk mail going through a letter box. I think he lost all sense of taste years ago. :'''Pippa''': Stomach like a bin liner? ''[Margaret murmurs in agreement]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Talking about Pippa's pregnancy]'' :'''Margaret''': You must be thrilled, congratulations. :'''Pippa''': ''[Sombrely]'' Well, I'm not sure "thrilled" is the word. Wasn't exactly planned. I know I'm supposed to be all glowing and maternal, but when you look round at the state of things, I don't think life is something I'd wish on my worst enemy. And you never know what you're bringing into the world. I mean, look at the people who started out as babies... [[w:Adolf Hitler|Hitler]]... [[w:Hawley Harvey Crippen|Dr. Crippen]]... ===''Monday Morning Will Be Fine''=== :'''Victor''': [to Margaret] Yes, I'm enjoying this glass of glue. :'''Margaret''': Monday morning will be fine. ===''Dreamland (2)''=== ''Victor returns from Sainsbury's in a bad mood and interrupts Margaret's coffee morning'' :'''Victor''': Unbelievable! Absolu-...oh, good morning, ladies. ''(to Margaret)'' Can you believe that? They've lost the left shoe! Lost it! And do you know what he had the nerve to...? He said he'd only charge me half price! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs Warboys''': Evening, Mr Meldrew. I can't stay long... :'''Victor''': Right you are. Bye! ''(slams the door)'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Margaret''': [to Victor] We went there for our third anniversary. Do you remember? And you took me to that huge funfair place, 'Dreamland'. We were like a couple of excited children. ===''The Beast in the Cage (4)''=== [first line] :'''Victor''': Oh, God Al-mighty! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Victor''': [to Margaret] Sucky sweet! I'll be sucking on that exhaust pipe in a minute, much more of this. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Victor''': Mirror image of your life really, isn't it? Car journey on a bank holiday. First fifty-odd miles on the go all the way - a sense of direction - bowling along. Get past sixty, everything slows down to a sudden crawl and you realise you're not going anywhere any more. All the things you thought you were going to do that never came to anything. And you can't turn the clock back. One way traffic just gradually grinding to a complete halt. <hr width="50%"/> ''[The Honda Song, to the tune of [[w:Cwm Rhondda|Bread Of Heaven]]]'' :There's a bloke we can't stand any longer, :Always on the bleeding moan; :Every time we mend his bloody Honda, :He's back grousing on the phone. :First we fixed his car's ignition, :Checked his brakes and clutch, and then :Overhauled his whole transmission. :He just brought it back again. :Victor Meldrew :Victor Meldrew :He can stick up his bum (up his bum) :He can bugger off to kingdom come. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Victor''': [complaining on being stuck for a long time in a traffic jam] I wish I was dead! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Victor''': [looking at a road map] Ah yes, here we are. Hell on Earth. I though for a minute we had taken a wrong turning. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Victor''': [In traffic jam.] Yes I've always said that for a really super Bank Holiday treat you've got to go a long way to beat four and a half hours staring up a horse's BOTTOM! [Camera reveals horsebox in front.] <hr width="50%"/> :'''Victor''': [In traffic jam. Mobile phone rings:] Hello? What? No we CAN'T bloody well move any further forward. I couldn't give a bugger if you are. 5 yards my foot it's 4 at the most and where's that going to get you anyway? Well you can bloody well LUMP IT THEN CAN'T YOU!? (Horn honks) And you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Victor''': (Tuts) Typical! See this? Story about a bloke who was shot by gangland villains in the East End. Says, "They dumped the body, riddled with bullet holes, in the boot of his brother's car and though interestingly, this was something the local garage failed to spot when they went over it for the MOT. ===''Beware the Trickster on the Roof (5)''=== ''[After burgling Victor's house, the thieves have phoned to ask how to operate the VCR]'' :'''Victor''': ''[shouting from an open window, wielding a metal coat hanger]'' You callous coldhearted thieving bastards! Help you with a couple of points?! I'll help you straight onto this point when I see you! I'll bloody well tear your liver out and feed it to the cat, you see if I don't! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Margaret''': We can't leave it here (A cow with a back leg slightly damaged) <hr width="50%"/> :'''Victor''': No, I'll just slip in the freezer with the beef burgers. ===''The Worst Horror of All (6)''=== :'''Man''': Sloppiness and bad manners just won't do. Do you understand what I'm saying? :'''Victor''': ''[with poorly concealed menace]'' Yes. Right. I do understand what you're saying, and I'm very sorry. :'''Man''': ''[contemptuously]'' I should think so. :'''Victor''': ''[louder]'' Yes, I'm very sorry because I'm afraid I'm going to have to throw your toupee down the drain! ''(does so)'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Victor''': I'm sorry neither of you have managed to master the mechanics of a door handle. That must be very complicated for you with your limited brain power. ''[to the woman]'' Oh, and do forgive me for not getting the fur coat out. Because if you hadn't chopped its legs off, it could have climbed out on its own. ''[to the man]'' You asked me if I wanted to go on working here. Well if it means sucking up to odious bastards like you two every day, then I think I'd rather remain unemployed, thank you very much! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Victor''': [says at the end just before he opens the kitchen door to discover Ronnie & Mildred there] At least we’ve escaped from the worst horror of all. ==Series 4 (1993)== ===''Descent into the Maelstrom (2)''=== ''Mrs Warboys has returned from the dry cleaner, with a gorilla costume'' :'''Victor''': You must have seen it as a mistake when they brought it out! :'''Mrs Warboys''': Well, I don't know what your suit looks like, do I? :'''Victor''': Well, it doesn't bloody well look like this! I mean where do you think I shop? King Kong at C&A! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Victor:''' I do not believe it! ===''Hearts of Darkness (3)''=== :'''Nick Swainey''': Wakey, wakey, everyone! It's a beautiful morning! I've just been watching two frogs having sex! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Victor''': I'm sorry, what language are you talking in now? It appears to be Bollocks! ===''Warm Champagne (4)''=== :'''Victor''': And you, you smug-faced bloody vandals! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Margaret''': He's [Victor] the most sensitive person I've ever met, and that's why I love him and why I constantly want to ram his head through a television screen. <hr width="50%"/> ''Margaret comes home to find Victor in bed with a strange old woman'' :'''Margaret''': Who is ''she''?! Have you, have you been-?! Tell me you haven't been sleeping with ''this''! Who is ''she''?! :'''Victor''': ''[confused, stammering for an explanation]'' I, I thought it was you! ''[Margaret's expression becomes one of offended outrage]'' :'''Margaret''': ''[offended] Thank you very much!'' I mean, where did she come from?! And what on earth is she doing? AND WHY THE BLOODY HELL AM I WHISPERING?! This is my bedroom! I mean, this is the end to a perfect week, isn't it?! To come home, and find your husband has taken up necrophilia! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Margaret''': Do you know what's actually worse than warm champagne? :'''Ben''': No. :'''Margaret''': No, I really don't think you do. ===''The Trial (5)''=== :'''Victor''': WHAT IN THE NAME OF BLOODY HELL?! I ''do not'' believe it! In the name of sanity! I do- well, that's it! That's just about the absolute limit of all bloody time! ''[Victor storms over to the phone and calls a number]'' I mean, what was he- HELLO! I'd like to speak to the manager please, and be quick about it! Meldrew. No, he doesn't but he will shortly! Hello, is that Mr. P.T. Sturgeon? Yes, well it's about a large yucca plant your garden centre delivered to my house this morning. Yes, a young chap, I didn't catch his name, it may have been [[w:Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em|Frank Spencer]]! Well I'll tell you exactly what the problem is, Mr. Sturgeon! I was out the back, working in the garden when he arrived, so I asked him if, for the time being, he'd put it in the downstairs toilet for me, and you know what he's done?! He's only planted it in the pan! Yes, actually ''in'' the lavatory pan, with compost and everything! I mean, how anyone can be so utterly goofy just boggles the mind! A mistake anyone could have made?! Are you stark- I mean, what am I supposed to do, cock my leg against the trunk like a Yorkshire terrier?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Victor''': What in the name of bloody hell...?! I ''do not'' believe it! ''[Victor pulls a toupee out of the bread loaf, then reads the label]'' "J.L. Dinkins, Hairpieces of Distinction"?! Well, that just about takes the biscuit! I mean, dropping your wig in the bloody baking dough?! I mean, he must have realised it had come off, ''for God's sake''! Well, this is just about it, this is the absolute limit of all bloody time! ''[Victor storms over to the phone and calls a number]'' I mean, what am I going to find next?! A false arm in the French stick?! Glass eye staring up at me out of the coconut meringues?! ''[Victor briefly tries on the hairpiece]'' Absolutely bloody hideous! It'd be much more sensible wearing a loaf of bread on top of your head! How anyone could be so-Hello! Yes, I'd like to speak to the manager please and quick about it! Meldrew. NO HE DOESN'T BUT HE BLOODY WELL WILL SHORTLY! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Victor''': [Talking about [[w:United Kingdom general election, 1992|1992 General Election]] result]'' I couldn't believe that last election result. It's like hiring a man-eating shark as your children's swimming instructor. ''[imitating parent]'' "Yes, I know it bit my baby's head off last time, but I still think it deserves another chance." <hr width="50%"/> :'''Victor''': [on telephone] ... what in the name of sanity ... ===''Secret of the Seven Sorcerers (6)''=== ''Patrick is dreading going for dinner at the Meldrews' house'' :'''Patrick''': I would ring up and cancel, but I suppose it's be a bit inconsiderate, isn't it, really? Dragging him out of his coffin in broad daylight. I wonder what bizarre aquatic species I can expect in the groin this time. Stingray up the rectum? Perhaps I'll just get off lightly with a couple of barnacles on the foreskin. :'''Pippa''': Can you see an old dirty floor cloth by the door? :'''Patrick''': Uhm...yup. :'''Pippa''': Well, would you mind SHOVING IT in your bloody mouth?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Patrick''': [in the Meldrew's living room and talking to Pippa] It's like spending an evening at The Munsters, coming around here...what nameless horror you're gonna come across next? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Victor''': [to Mrs Warboys] Yes, it generally does. One thing you can be sure about in life, just when you think that things are never ever going to get better, they suddenly get worse! ===''One Foot in the Algarve''=== :'''Victor''': Yes, that's the good thing about having a really miserable holiday, it makes the going home such a positive joy. :'''Martin Trout''': [to Victor] Oi you! Superman's grandad! [referring to his red and blue clothing] ==Series 5 (1994-5)== ===''The Man Who Blew Away (1)''=== ''An injurious Christmas cracker joke'' :'''Victor''': "Question: What's the difference between Victor Meldrew and a chef who keeps dropping his pancakes? Answer: They're both useless tossers!!" Well, that's incorrect. That's not the difference; that's what we have in common! ===''Only a Story (2)''=== :'''Mrs Warboys''': It’s only a story. ===''The Affair of the Hollow Lady (3)''=== :'''Margaret:''' [to Victor] Two hundred and sixty pounds we paid for this. A complete set of new locks so secure that even we can't get in! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Victor:''' I do not believe it! ===''Rearranging the Dust (4)''=== :'''Victor''': I can only think of one thing worse than dying. And that's living forever. I mean, can you just imagine how terrible that would actually be? If I was just always here, for ever and ever and ever. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Victor''': I've got a spider in my flies. Look at that; there he goes, just struggling to get in through the buttonhole. :'''Margaret''': Are you sure he's not struggling to get out? :'''Victor''': There's nothing inside there that a spider wouldn't want to see. :'''Margaret''': I expect. Be at home among the cobwebs. :'''Victor''': [last lines] [to Margaret] You were always my first choice. ===''Hole in the Sky (5)''=== :'''Margaret''': Better get ready for bed. If you want me, I'll be in the bathroom sandpapering my breasts. ===''Wisdom of the Witch (7)''=== :'''Victor''': I mean, that has to be my best career move yet, doesn't it? I always knew that degree course I took at Worzel Gummidge College, Cambridge would pay off eventually. ===''Starbound''=== :'''Victor''': [when Mrs Warboys brings a stuffed dog called Nippy for Victor to mind] Nippy? He doesn't look very nippy from where I'm standing! ==Series 6 (2000)== ===''The Executioner's Song (1)''=== :'''Victor''': I mean we were just asking for trouble weren't we? Leaving Mrs Warboys to hold the fort when this arrived (points at massive 50' telly) [imitating Mrs Warboys) It's a whopper isn't it Mr Meldrew. <hr width="50%"/> ===''Threatening Weather (4)''=== :'''Margaret:''' [to Victor] If it's sunny in the morning, you don't want to know it's going to rain in the afternoon. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Victor:''' [lying on floor, talking to Margaret] You know I never watch the weather forecasts. If it's a nice morning and they say it's going to be worse in the afternoon, how can you enjoy the morning? Best not to know about it. It's the same with life in general, there are certain things you don't ever want to think about. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Victor:''' I do not believe it! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Victor:''' Well, if that doesn't take the biscuit, I don't know what does! Did you see that? Young bloke from down the road with his girlfriend only having sex in the back seat of our car Well, I had forgotten to close the sun roof Bold as brass, just merrily getting on with it without a thought for my suspension They didn't even stop when I opened the door Stark naked, the pair of them And he had the cheek to tell me to go and put some clothes on Said I was lowering the whole tone of the area. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Victor:''' You mean I was fart-arsing about in front of an armed psychopath doing ruddy tai chi exercises jamming my hands in the air like a simpleton I could've ended up with a bullet through my [realises his cap may have got the hole from a rifle] ... ===''The Dawn of Man (5)''=== [Both on separate phones:] :'''Patrick:''' Frankly Mr Skinthorpe, what side of bed I got out of this morning is not a matter I consider relevant. The fact is that the Open Sesame Garage door which you installed last week has just jammed for the third time, and as BMW rather short sightedly failed to include a limbo dancing option on the new 300 series, I am keen to learn how you expect me to get the car on the road. :'''Nigel:''' Yes, I'll tell you precisely what's 'chafing my hide' this morning, Mr Gorrindge. It concerns a majestic 2000 millennium globe which I foolishly ordered from your company for my brother's birthday, which I can't help noticing has arrived with ''two'' Northen Hemispheres. :'''Patrick:''' If by 'one of our top service engineers' you are referring to that child with the head-full of glue who spent three hours here yesterday wobbling around on a ladder, presumably in an attempt to get his testicles to drop, I was not impressed Mr Skinthorpe. :'''Nigel:''' Unfortunately not, Mr Gorrindge and whilst a world with two Europes and no Australia may have certain cultural advantages, I'm afraid it doesn't quite fall in with the theory of continental drift. :'''Patrick:''' Well I can't say with any certainty, Mr Skinthorpe, whether it was Rick or Dave. Although he very sensibly had a ring fitted through his nose like a cow, I'm afraid the name tag seemed to have fallen off. Really? Well how fine and dandy for him. :'''Nigel:''' Well it depends what you mean by "very noticeable" Mr Gorrindge. Had my brother been horribly blinded by some hideous accident then all our troubles would be over. :'''Patrick:''' Well please offer him my profound congratulations, Mr Skinthorpe, and tell him to get his arse round here now and finish the job. :'''Nigel:''' I shall expect a proper replacement in 24 hrs or heads and hemispheres will roll. ===''Things Aren't Simple Any More (6)''=== :'''Margaret Meldrew:''' [talking to priest] We're all just characters really. Aren't we? In a giant soap opera. One by one, god gets bored with us and decides to kill us off. Victor Meldrew mown down by hit and run driver on his way home from a party - sounds depressingly plausible. A party his wife practically begged him to go to...The trouble with the world nowadays - nobody does anything about anything...It's all speed and greed. ==Victor Meldrew== *I don't believe it! [multiple episodes] * [answering the telephone] 4291? * Bloody thing! [multiple episodes] == External links== {{Wikipedia}} [[Category:BBC shows]] [[Category:UK sitcoms]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] 4y19db1lam4o6za5eg4x6xcgjmgb1r1 14 21981 3778561 3642780 2025-07-14T12:49:01Z UDScott 4304 Moving from [[Category:Activists]] to [[Category:Activists by issue]] using [[c:Help:Cat-a-lot|Cat-a-lot]] 3778561 wikitext text/x-wiki {{CATtoc}} [[Category:Activists by issue]] [[Category:Abolitionism]] [[Category:Anti-racism activists]] ntlgni9z3u71zdsmgormqmszo4jhb8w 0 23455 3778687 3426271 2025-07-14T13:50:54Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Comedians]]; added [[Category:Comedians from the United States]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778687 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Sam Kinison|Samuel Burl "Sam" Kinison]]''' ([[December 8]], [[1953]] – [[April 10]], [[1992]]) was an American stand-up comedian and actor. Kinison was known for his intense, harsh and politically incorrect humor. A former Pentecostal preacher, he performed stand-up routines that were most often characterized by an intense style, similar to enthusiastic preachers, punctuated by his trademark scream. == Quotes == * I would like to sing a song for my buddy Rodney, whose girl Laverne broke his heart and let him down; but what Rodney doesn't know, he's got every reason to feel so low, 'cause, Rodney, she fucked everyone in this fuckin' town. YOU FUCKING WHORE!!! You used Rodney, you never loved Rodney! Remember when Rodney went to the ball game? You had your own ball game! You fucked the whole fire department! You were the fire, you fucking bitch — they had to use ''your'' fucking hose! Oh yeah, you fucked a butcher because he said he had the biggest salami in town! I know all about you! You read ''Moby Dick'' because you thought there was dick in it! It was the only book you read; you ended up sucking the book! I was best friend, you sucked ''my'' dick, I felt guilty — how come you didn't feel guilty?! 'Cause you don't feel anything, you fucking whore! OH, OH, you oughta die, die, you fucking bitch! DIE!!! DIE, YOU WHORE! DIE DIE DIE DIE!!! How's THAT Rodney, ya feel any better!? ** Singing a "torch song" for Rodney Dangerfield on ''Opening Night at Rodney's Place''. * "Here's my man! It doesn't have to stay out and party with his guys!" "Here, let me see that...It doesn't seem to be able to pick up the fucking check, does it?" ** A woman and her husband arguing about a vibrator, ''Sam Kinison: Banned''. * "I just got shot in the ass with an infected load of semen! Who's the smart-ass?" **''Leader of the Banned''. * "They beat us, they beat us, they made us do their BLOW! ** A captive in a "Drug War" POW camp, ''Leader of the Banned''. *Oh, God, will you SHUT UP! GODDAMMIT, WILL YOU SHUT YOUR FUCKIN' MOUTH! YOU'RE HIS WHORE! OH! OHHHH! ** from "Sexual Diaries, ''[[Have_You_Seen_Me_Lately%3F|Have You Seen Me Lately?]]''. *Oh, god, where's the fuckin' bottle, you fuckin' whore?! DID HE FUCK YOU WITH THIS TOO?! Yes-- OH, SHUT UP!!! HE DID EVERYTHING TO YOU, OH, GOD!!!! ** from "Sexual Diaries," ''Have You Seen Me Lately?'' * Well, life was tough, but at least I was able to live it out and I was able to face death and not be afraid. Well, now I'm ready to go to Heaven and be with Jesus, and...hey? Hey, what's this? Oh, God it feels like a man's DICK IN MY ASS! Oh, GOD!!! I'M DEAD!!! Oh, you mean life keeps on fucking you even after you're dead? Oh, it never ends! OH! OHHH!!! **from "Parties With the Dead," ''Have You Seen Me Lately?'' * '''Sam''': We want to bring him out. Here he is, Mr. Doug Bady, ladies and gentlemen. Doug Bady, the littlest fucking Outlaw, here he is! Oh, he's drinking a beer. That's alright. I'm just not used to seeing one of Jerry's Kids with a fucking beer, but... Doug Bady, a man that loves Jerry Lewis, appreciates what Jerry has done. And Doug, Jerry Lewis, isn't he wonderful?<br>'''Doug''': Fuck him!<br>'''Sam''': Jesus Christ, man, what are you saying?<br>'''Doug''': He's a piece of shit, he's never done anything for me.<br>'''Sam''': You can't...you can't say this about Jerry Lewis in Las Vegas on the telethon weekend!<br>'''Doug''': Why not? He's never done anything for me, thirty years he's been running the telethon!<br>'''Sam''': What are you saying?<br>'''Doug''': That son of a bitch! He hasn't done a goddamn thing for me! <br>'''Sam''': Jerry Lewis has never done a thing for you?<br>'''Doug''': No! He's been doing this goddamn telethon for thirty years now, he's made, what, two or three billion dollars...<br>'''Sam''': Who gave him the beer? WHO GAVE HIM THE BEER?!<br>'''Doug''': ...I haven't seen dime one!<br>'''Sam''': Get him out of here, he's fucking drunk! Get him out of here! He hates Jerry Lewis, never did a fucking thing...you little bitter BASTARD! YOU'RE BITTER! Take his ass off my stage! Fuckin' BEAT HIM, BEAT HIM!!! TAKE HIS CHAIR! BEAT HIS LITTLE BITTER FUCKING ASS!<br>'''Doug''': Actually, what I meant to say was...I love Jerry. Great guy. ** ''Leader of the Banned''. * ''Jesus' Wife'': "And where have YOU been for the past three days, Mr. Winemaker?" <br>''Jesus Christ'': "It's okay, I'll tell you...Not that's important or anything, but I was DEAD!!! I'M IN A FUCKIN' GRAVE OUTSIDE OF TOWN! I'M FIGHTIN' DEATH, HELL, ''DECOMPOSURE!'' I'M CHANGIN' SPIRITUAL FORM, ABOUT TO ENTER THE KINGDOM OF GOD, AND I GO "WAIT A SECOND! I GOTTA GO BACK BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHERE I'VE BEEN!" ** the argument Jesus Christ has with his wife following his return home after the Resurrection, ''Louder than Hell''. === HBO Special (1985) === * You want to help world hunger? Stop sending them food. Don't send them another bite, send them U-Hauls. Send them a guy that says, "You know, we've been coming here giving you food for about 35 years now and we were driving through the desert, and we realized there wouldn't BE world hunger if you people would live where the FOOD IS! YOU LIVE IN A DESERT!! UNDERSTAND THAT? YOU LIVE IN A FUCKING DESERT!! NOTHING GROWS HERE! NOTHING'S GONNA GROW HERE! Come here, you see this? This is sand. You know what it's gonna be 100 years from now? IT'S GONNA BE SAND!! YOU LIVE IN A FUCKING DESERT! We have deserts in America, we just don't LIVE in them, assholes!" ** On the starvation in Ethiopia. ** As seen in his first appearance on Letterman. * Lick the alphabet. It makes you appear creative, it's an easy diagram to remember, it's like "aaaaa.... beeeee.... ceeee." She's thinking you're from fuckin' Europe or somethin: "OH GOD, WHERE'D YOU LEARN THAT, OHHH," and you're going "A, B, C, D, E, F, G". * We don't WANT to drink and drive ... But there's no other way to get the fucking CAR back to the HOUSE!! How are we supposed to get fucking home??!! * [Rock Hudson] was on his deathbed, going, "It was that last fucking dick... god DAMN it, why did I suck it, WHY DID I SUCK IT!?!? I was ahead of the game, Mister! Million of dicks, never had a problem before--dick, dick, dick, suck, suck, suck; dick, dick, dick, suck, suck, suck. Never had a problem--IT WAS THAT LAST GODDAMN DICK!!!" * I was MARRIED for TWO FUCKING YEARS! Hell would be like Club Med! * How does a guy look at another guy's hairy ass, and find love? * There's always 30 or 40 Christians standing around, saying, "It's a shame that he has to die." And Jesus is saying, "Well, maybe I wouldn't have to if somebody would get a ladder and pair of pliers!!" * The Police report said they stabbed this guy 51 times....bludgeoned him in the head with a heavy object 13 times and they shot him twice....so I figure this guy's by the door on the way out going....YOU DON'T HAVE TO LEAVE YET, DO YOU?!....YOU HAVEN'T SHOVED A CHAINSAW UP MY ASS YET!....MY HEAD'S STILL ON MY TORSO!!....I'M GLAD YOU FUCKERS CAN HANDLE YOUR HIGH! ** On Manson-family murder victim [[w:Wojciech Frykowski|Wojciech Frykowski]] === ''Louder Than Hell'' (1986) === * YOU FUCKING WHORE!!! You used me! You never loved me! I hope you slide under a gas truck and taste your fucking own blood! DIE! DIE! DIE! I want my records back! I want my fucking records back! * Today we're going to try and say his name...OH! OHHH! Can you even say a part of his name--OH! OHHH!" === ''Live from Hell'' (1993) === * I didn't think it was that big of a fucking deal, there's bigger news stories happening. There's a [[w:Jeffrey Dahmer|guy]] in Milwaukee with heads in his icebox, but our top story is: Sam Kinison missed the Joan Rivers Show. It's like I'm the only guy in show business that's fucked up recently. There's a couple guys that, I think, have like outdone me a little bit. Like Rick fucking James, for starters. I missed a show, I didn't torture a woman with a fucking base pipe, I'm not out on $500,000 bail. I'm not Billy Preston, who's going "ah, donde esta la fiesta?" How about Axl Rose, who has a warrant out for his arrest in the state of Missouri for inciting a riot, $300,000 worth of damage, 60 people injured, and I MISSED A SHOW! * You'd have done her. You'd have been just like JFK, you'd have been there in the Oval Office, Marilyn across the desk, your dick up her ass, lookin' out at the Washington Monument going, "you know, it doesn't get much better than this, doesn't it? President of the United States, dick in Marilyn Monroe, my finger on the fucking button telling the fucking Russians to get their missiles out of Cuba in twelve hours. IT DOESN'T GET BETTER THAN THIS! * The Russians haven't been to the moon. You know why? Because they're space pussies... You really want to impress us? Bring back our fuckin' FLAG, asshole! Show us some moon rocks, or kiss this. * ''[On the Kurds]'' They're the most fucked people on Earth. You know that. They might as well change their name to the Fucks, 'cause they're fucked. We used to be the Kurds, now we're the Fucks! * I hate the fuckin' gall of these countries, that come to us, a week after the war, and go, "Hey. Can you help us out? Our cities are all fucked up, our highways are destroyed, our economy's shit, the people are wounded, they're outta work..." Yeah, that's basically what we wanted to do to you... And that's what we wouldn't have had to do to you if you'd just pulled your fuckin' troops out of Kuwait, instead of setting those 700 oil wells on fire, and dumpin' oil in the ocean and poisoning the fish. So fuck you; eat your poisoned fish, breathe your black air, and kiss my American ass! * [''On Iraq''] These have got to be the most stupid people on the planet. "Hey, I've got a great idea! Let's have a war with the number one military power on the planet!" But we did have to face... their weapon of death. The Scud missile. If K-Mart were a weapon's dealer, they would make: the Scud missile. But it's kind of like a smart bomb. You just fire it out of the trunk of your car... and then turn on CNN to see where it landed! So it's ''kind'' of like a smart bomb! * [''On the Gulf War''] The ground war lasted 100 hours. A hundred fuckin' hours. I've had parties go on longer than that, folks! * This man had to be Captain Kangaroo for over thirty FUCKING YEARS! No scandal, no controversy, drank a lot. You would too. I don't think he knew the show was going to go thirty fucking years. "Goddamn it, I'm fucking Captain Kangaroo. Thought the fucking gig would last two or three years, I didn't think I'd spend my whole fucking life as Captain Kangaroo! I was an actor, I was in the Actor's Studio, I wanted to do ''Death of a Salesman'', I wanted to play Willy. My God, I'm Captain KANGAROO!" * [''On 2 Live Crew''] One song was 'Suck My Dick'. Not please. Not honey, do you have a minute? 'Suck My Dick'. Like soomething the Beatles coulda rolled out. "Hey, John, would you like to write 'Suck My Dick'?" "Well, I don't know, do we have time? Sounds like such a hard song to write." That was the song! 'Suck My Dick'! Fuckin' album sold two million records with a song called "Suck My Dick"! Like the guy got up one morning and went, "you know, today I wanna write a song. Today I want to write a love song. I want to write a song that tells how a woman and a man feel when they meet each other for the first time and they fall in love; I want to put into words feelings that men have always had, but they've never been able to express. All right, I think I'll call this song..." ''[Pauses, then the audience yells "Suck My Dick"]'' Yeah. It's that song that's gonna be on that fuckin' Golden Oldie rap album in ten years... "Where were you when you heard 'Suck My Dick?'" Remember those old days? * I'm goin', what the fuck am I bustin' my ass for, doin' HBO specials, doin' fuckin' concerts, when I could just write rap songs? How hard is this shit to do?! Here's my first rap single: "Lick Me Where I Fuck and Pee". There it is! My first rap hit! 'Lick Me Where I Fuck and Pee!" I got a hit! That's where it's at! I got another song, for men, especially for men, in general: 'You Call That A Fuck, You Lazy Bitch?' Oh! OH! This song is gonna go through the fuckin' roof, trust me! We're talkin' about a song that's gonna go through the roof! They'll call me Grammy Sammy after that fuckin' song. Wait! I got another one! I got another one! 'Who Farted in My New Car?' You can't stop me! Fuck MC Hammer, 'You Can't Touch This'- YOU CAN'T STOP ME! I'm a rap song writing machine now, look out! == Quotes about Sam Kinison == * I was in Rochester, New York. I was an absolutely-nobody part-timer, jack-of-trades; would do whatever the radio station asked of me. And one day, Sam Kinison walked in. The mic went on, and he just spoke his mind. And he was outrageous, he was funny, he was sensitive at times. And a light bulb went off in my head, where I realized, "Oh my god, I can do this different." Just—you gotta just be yourself. … I started blowing off everything I knew about radio after that day. ** [[w:Gregg Hughes|Gregg Hughes]] in the documentary film ''Misery Loves Comedy'' (2015) == External links == * {{wikipedia-inline}} * {{Commonscat-inline}} * {{IMDb name|id=0455630|name=Sam Kinison}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Kinison, Sam}} [[Category:Actors from the United States]] [[Category:Comedians from the United States]] [[Category:1953 births]] [[Category:1992 deaths]] [[Category:People from Washington (state)]] lis3e7mqd8g1bg8ilx20ql39c7hwmml 3778688 3778687 2025-07-14T13:51:02Z UDScott 4304 added [[Category:Stand-up comedians from the United States]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778688 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Sam Kinison|Samuel Burl "Sam" Kinison]]''' ([[December 8]], [[1953]] – [[April 10]], [[1992]]) was an American stand-up comedian and actor. Kinison was known for his intense, harsh and politically incorrect humor. A former Pentecostal preacher, he performed stand-up routines that were most often characterized by an intense style, similar to enthusiastic preachers, punctuated by his trademark scream. == Quotes == * I would like to sing a song for my buddy Rodney, whose girl Laverne broke his heart and let him down; but what Rodney doesn't know, he's got every reason to feel so low, 'cause, Rodney, she fucked everyone in this fuckin' town. YOU FUCKING WHORE!!! You used Rodney, you never loved Rodney! Remember when Rodney went to the ball game? You had your own ball game! You fucked the whole fire department! You were the fire, you fucking bitch — they had to use ''your'' fucking hose! Oh yeah, you fucked a butcher because he said he had the biggest salami in town! I know all about you! You read ''Moby Dick'' because you thought there was dick in it! It was the only book you read; you ended up sucking the book! I was best friend, you sucked ''my'' dick, I felt guilty — how come you didn't feel guilty?! 'Cause you don't feel anything, you fucking whore! OH, OH, you oughta die, die, you fucking bitch! DIE!!! DIE, YOU WHORE! DIE DIE DIE DIE!!! How's THAT Rodney, ya feel any better!? ** Singing a "torch song" for Rodney Dangerfield on ''Opening Night at Rodney's Place''. * "Here's my man! It doesn't have to stay out and party with his guys!" "Here, let me see that...It doesn't seem to be able to pick up the fucking check, does it?" ** A woman and her husband arguing about a vibrator, ''Sam Kinison: Banned''. * "I just got shot in the ass with an infected load of semen! Who's the smart-ass?" **''Leader of the Banned''. * "They beat us, they beat us, they made us do their BLOW! ** A captive in a "Drug War" POW camp, ''Leader of the Banned''. *Oh, God, will you SHUT UP! GODDAMMIT, WILL YOU SHUT YOUR FUCKIN' MOUTH! YOU'RE HIS WHORE! OH! OHHHH! ** from "Sexual Diaries, ''[[Have_You_Seen_Me_Lately%3F|Have You Seen Me Lately?]]''. *Oh, god, where's the fuckin' bottle, you fuckin' whore?! DID HE FUCK YOU WITH THIS TOO?! Yes-- OH, SHUT UP!!! HE DID EVERYTHING TO YOU, OH, GOD!!!! ** from "Sexual Diaries," ''Have You Seen Me Lately?'' * Well, life was tough, but at least I was able to live it out and I was able to face death and not be afraid. Well, now I'm ready to go to Heaven and be with Jesus, and...hey? Hey, what's this? Oh, God it feels like a man's DICK IN MY ASS! Oh, GOD!!! I'M DEAD!!! Oh, you mean life keeps on fucking you even after you're dead? Oh, it never ends! OH! OHHH!!! **from "Parties With the Dead," ''Have You Seen Me Lately?'' * '''Sam''': We want to bring him out. Here he is, Mr. Doug Bady, ladies and gentlemen. Doug Bady, the littlest fucking Outlaw, here he is! Oh, he's drinking a beer. That's alright. I'm just not used to seeing one of Jerry's Kids with a fucking beer, but... Doug Bady, a man that loves Jerry Lewis, appreciates what Jerry has done. And Doug, Jerry Lewis, isn't he wonderful?<br>'''Doug''': Fuck him!<br>'''Sam''': Jesus Christ, man, what are you saying?<br>'''Doug''': He's a piece of shit, he's never done anything for me.<br>'''Sam''': You can't...you can't say this about Jerry Lewis in Las Vegas on the telethon weekend!<br>'''Doug''': Why not? He's never done anything for me, thirty years he's been running the telethon!<br>'''Sam''': What are you saying?<br>'''Doug''': That son of a bitch! He hasn't done a goddamn thing for me! <br>'''Sam''': Jerry Lewis has never done a thing for you?<br>'''Doug''': No! He's been doing this goddamn telethon for thirty years now, he's made, what, two or three billion dollars...<br>'''Sam''': Who gave him the beer? WHO GAVE HIM THE BEER?!<br>'''Doug''': ...I haven't seen dime one!<br>'''Sam''': Get him out of here, he's fucking drunk! Get him out of here! He hates Jerry Lewis, never did a fucking thing...you little bitter BASTARD! YOU'RE BITTER! Take his ass off my stage! Fuckin' BEAT HIM, BEAT HIM!!! TAKE HIS CHAIR! BEAT HIS LITTLE BITTER FUCKING ASS!<br>'''Doug''': Actually, what I meant to say was...I love Jerry. Great guy. ** ''Leader of the Banned''. * ''Jesus' Wife'': "And where have YOU been for the past three days, Mr. Winemaker?" <br>''Jesus Christ'': "It's okay, I'll tell you...Not that's important or anything, but I was DEAD!!! I'M IN A FUCKIN' GRAVE OUTSIDE OF TOWN! I'M FIGHTIN' DEATH, HELL, ''DECOMPOSURE!'' I'M CHANGIN' SPIRITUAL FORM, ABOUT TO ENTER THE KINGDOM OF GOD, AND I GO "WAIT A SECOND! I GOTTA GO BACK BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHERE I'VE BEEN!" ** the argument Jesus Christ has with his wife following his return home after the Resurrection, ''Louder than Hell''. === HBO Special (1985) === * You want to help world hunger? Stop sending them food. Don't send them another bite, send them U-Hauls. Send them a guy that says, "You know, we've been coming here giving you food for about 35 years now and we were driving through the desert, and we realized there wouldn't BE world hunger if you people would live where the FOOD IS! YOU LIVE IN A DESERT!! UNDERSTAND THAT? YOU LIVE IN A FUCKING DESERT!! NOTHING GROWS HERE! NOTHING'S GONNA GROW HERE! Come here, you see this? This is sand. You know what it's gonna be 100 years from now? IT'S GONNA BE SAND!! YOU LIVE IN A FUCKING DESERT! We have deserts in America, we just don't LIVE in them, assholes!" ** On the starvation in Ethiopia. ** As seen in his first appearance on Letterman. * Lick the alphabet. It makes you appear creative, it's an easy diagram to remember, it's like "aaaaa.... beeeee.... ceeee." She's thinking you're from fuckin' Europe or somethin: "OH GOD, WHERE'D YOU LEARN THAT, OHHH," and you're going "A, B, C, D, E, F, G". * We don't WANT to drink and drive ... But there's no other way to get the fucking CAR back to the HOUSE!! How are we supposed to get fucking home??!! * [Rock Hudson] was on his deathbed, going, "It was that last fucking dick... god DAMN it, why did I suck it, WHY DID I SUCK IT!?!? I was ahead of the game, Mister! Million of dicks, never had a problem before--dick, dick, dick, suck, suck, suck; dick, dick, dick, suck, suck, suck. Never had a problem--IT WAS THAT LAST GODDAMN DICK!!!" * I was MARRIED for TWO FUCKING YEARS! Hell would be like Club Med! * How does a guy look at another guy's hairy ass, and find love? * There's always 30 or 40 Christians standing around, saying, "It's a shame that he has to die." And Jesus is saying, "Well, maybe I wouldn't have to if somebody would get a ladder and pair of pliers!!" * The Police report said they stabbed this guy 51 times....bludgeoned him in the head with a heavy object 13 times and they shot him twice....so I figure this guy's by the door on the way out going....YOU DON'T HAVE TO LEAVE YET, DO YOU?!....YOU HAVEN'T SHOVED A CHAINSAW UP MY ASS YET!....MY HEAD'S STILL ON MY TORSO!!....I'M GLAD YOU FUCKERS CAN HANDLE YOUR HIGH! ** On Manson-family murder victim [[w:Wojciech Frykowski|Wojciech Frykowski]] === ''Louder Than Hell'' (1986) === * YOU FUCKING WHORE!!! You used me! You never loved me! I hope you slide under a gas truck and taste your fucking own blood! DIE! DIE! DIE! I want my records back! I want my fucking records back! * Today we're going to try and say his name...OH! OHHH! Can you even say a part of his name--OH! OHHH!" === ''Live from Hell'' (1993) === * I didn't think it was that big of a fucking deal, there's bigger news stories happening. There's a [[w:Jeffrey Dahmer|guy]] in Milwaukee with heads in his icebox, but our top story is: Sam Kinison missed the Joan Rivers Show. It's like I'm the only guy in show business that's fucked up recently. There's a couple guys that, I think, have like outdone me a little bit. Like Rick fucking James, for starters. I missed a show, I didn't torture a woman with a fucking base pipe, I'm not out on $500,000 bail. I'm not Billy Preston, who's going "ah, donde esta la fiesta?" How about Axl Rose, who has a warrant out for his arrest in the state of Missouri for inciting a riot, $300,000 worth of damage, 60 people injured, and I MISSED A SHOW! * You'd have done her. You'd have been just like JFK, you'd have been there in the Oval Office, Marilyn across the desk, your dick up her ass, lookin' out at the Washington Monument going, "you know, it doesn't get much better than this, doesn't it? President of the United States, dick in Marilyn Monroe, my finger on the fucking button telling the fucking Russians to get their missiles out of Cuba in twelve hours. IT DOESN'T GET BETTER THAN THIS! * The Russians haven't been to the moon. You know why? Because they're space pussies... You really want to impress us? Bring back our fuckin' FLAG, asshole! Show us some moon rocks, or kiss this. * ''[On the Kurds]'' They're the most fucked people on Earth. You know that. They might as well change their name to the Fucks, 'cause they're fucked. We used to be the Kurds, now we're the Fucks! * I hate the fuckin' gall of these countries, that come to us, a week after the war, and go, "Hey. Can you help us out? Our cities are all fucked up, our highways are destroyed, our economy's shit, the people are wounded, they're outta work..." Yeah, that's basically what we wanted to do to you... And that's what we wouldn't have had to do to you if you'd just pulled your fuckin' troops out of Kuwait, instead of setting those 700 oil wells on fire, and dumpin' oil in the ocean and poisoning the fish. So fuck you; eat your poisoned fish, breathe your black air, and kiss my American ass! * [''On Iraq''] These have got to be the most stupid people on the planet. "Hey, I've got a great idea! Let's have a war with the number one military power on the planet!" But we did have to face... their weapon of death. The Scud missile. If K-Mart were a weapon's dealer, they would make: the Scud missile. But it's kind of like a smart bomb. You just fire it out of the trunk of your car... and then turn on CNN to see where it landed! So it's ''kind'' of like a smart bomb! * [''On the Gulf War''] The ground war lasted 100 hours. A hundred fuckin' hours. I've had parties go on longer than that, folks! * This man had to be Captain Kangaroo for over thirty FUCKING YEARS! No scandal, no controversy, drank a lot. You would too. I don't think he knew the show was going to go thirty fucking years. "Goddamn it, I'm fucking Captain Kangaroo. Thought the fucking gig would last two or three years, I didn't think I'd spend my whole fucking life as Captain Kangaroo! I was an actor, I was in the Actor's Studio, I wanted to do ''Death of a Salesman'', I wanted to play Willy. My God, I'm Captain KANGAROO!" * [''On 2 Live Crew''] One song was 'Suck My Dick'. Not please. Not honey, do you have a minute? 'Suck My Dick'. Like soomething the Beatles coulda rolled out. "Hey, John, would you like to write 'Suck My Dick'?" "Well, I don't know, do we have time? Sounds like such a hard song to write." That was the song! 'Suck My Dick'! Fuckin' album sold two million records with a song called "Suck My Dick"! Like the guy got up one morning and went, "you know, today I wanna write a song. Today I want to write a love song. I want to write a song that tells how a woman and a man feel when they meet each other for the first time and they fall in love; I want to put into words feelings that men have always had, but they've never been able to express. All right, I think I'll call this song..." ''[Pauses, then the audience yells "Suck My Dick"]'' Yeah. It's that song that's gonna be on that fuckin' Golden Oldie rap album in ten years... "Where were you when you heard 'Suck My Dick?'" Remember those old days? * I'm goin', what the fuck am I bustin' my ass for, doin' HBO specials, doin' fuckin' concerts, when I could just write rap songs? How hard is this shit to do?! Here's my first rap single: "Lick Me Where I Fuck and Pee". There it is! My first rap hit! 'Lick Me Where I Fuck and Pee!" I got a hit! That's where it's at! I got another song, for men, especially for men, in general: 'You Call That A Fuck, You Lazy Bitch?' Oh! OH! This song is gonna go through the fuckin' roof, trust me! We're talkin' about a song that's gonna go through the roof! They'll call me Grammy Sammy after that fuckin' song. Wait! I got another one! I got another one! 'Who Farted in My New Car?' You can't stop me! Fuck MC Hammer, 'You Can't Touch This'- YOU CAN'T STOP ME! I'm a rap song writing machine now, look out! == Quotes about Sam Kinison == * I was in Rochester, New York. I was an absolutely-nobody part-timer, jack-of-trades; would do whatever the radio station asked of me. And one day, Sam Kinison walked in. The mic went on, and he just spoke his mind. And he was outrageous, he was funny, he was sensitive at times. And a light bulb went off in my head, where I realized, "Oh my god, I can do this different." Just—you gotta just be yourself. … I started blowing off everything I knew about radio after that day. ** [[w:Gregg Hughes|Gregg Hughes]] in the documentary film ''Misery Loves Comedy'' (2015) == External links == * {{wikipedia-inline}} * {{Commonscat-inline}} * {{IMDb name|id=0455630|name=Sam Kinison}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Kinison, Sam}} [[Category:Actors from the United States]] [[Category:Comedians from the United States]] [[Category:1953 births]] [[Category:1992 deaths]] [[Category:People from Washington (state)]] [[Category:Stand-up comedians from the United States]] 3bs6ha7exjifyjrjksy9cyt01m29t4u 0 24653 3778746 3721893 2025-07-14T15:57:21Z 2A00:23C7:8583:8901:5157:8FC5:8DBF:8C56 /* Be A Clown [1.9] */ 3778746 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Batman-_The_Animated_Series_logo.svg|thumb|I am [[vengeance]]. I am the [[night]]. I am, '''[[Batman|BATMAN]]'''!]] {{italic title}} '''''[[W:Batman: The Animated Series|Batman: The Animated Series]]''''' is an American animated superhero television series based on the [[DC Comics]] superhero Batman. It was succeeded by ''[[The Adventures of Batman & Robin]]'' and ''[[The New Batman Adventures]]''; the first production in the [[w:DC Animated Universe|DC Animated Universe]]. ==Season 1== ===''On Leather Wings'' [1.1]=== :'''[[w:Rene Auberjonois|Dr. March]]''': You donate a few million, and you think you own the place. I understand I'm to analyse something for you? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Yeah, doc. See, I keep hearing squeaks in my chimney, and I found these in my empty fireplace. They look like hairs. I thought maybe you could tell me if I have a bat problem. :'''Dr. March''': And what if they are bats, Mr. Wayne? What then? Destroy them like insects? We won't survive the next evolutionary cataclysm, but bats will! They're survivors, Mr. Wayne, not pests! You should understand that! <hr width='50%'/> :'''Dr. Kirk Langstrom''': ''[enters laboratory upon hearing noises]'' Who's back there? ''[Spots Batman]'' You...! :'''Batman''': I'm looking for Dr. March. :'''Langstrom''' He's not here, Batman. :'''Batman''': Where is he? :'''Langstrom''': Giving a lecture on human extinction and bat evolution. He's really quite brilliant. :'''Batman''': He's misguided, and a thief. ''[holds up a vial of the serum]'' :'''Langstrom''': He's just a theorist, he was afraid to put it to the test. But I wasn't. I knew he'd discovered a formula to create a totally new species, neither man nor bat. And once I started taking it, I couldn't stop. I desperately wanted to, but... ''it'' took over. Francine and March tried to protect me, but it was too late. The beast knew what chemicals were needed to bring itself about! It was out of my control! And it only needs one more component to complete the process! ''[voice lowering]'' It's in ''ME'', Batman! ''[laughs maniacally and begins to change into Man-Bat]'' ===''Christmas With The Joker'' [1.2]=== :''[the Arkham Asylum inmates practice signing Jingle Bells as other inmates set up a giant Christmas tree]'' :'''Joker''': Jingle bells! Batman smells! Robin laid an egg! ''[gets a tree-topper and climbs to install it]'' The Batmobile lost a wheel and the Jo-ker got a-wa-a-a-ay! ''[attaches the ornament and the Christmas Tree ignites, revealed as a rocket. Joker clambers at it launches]'' Crashing through the roof! In a one-horse-open tree! Busting out I go! Laughing all the WHEEEEE! ''[the "rocket-tree" flies off into the distance as he sings]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the Christmas with the Joker show]'' :'''Joker''': Rumor has it, Christmas is a time to share with family. :'''Laugh track''': Yea! :'''Joker''': And since I don't have one of my own... :'''Laugh track''': Aww... :'''Joker''': I decided to STEAL one! :'''Laugh track''': Yea! :'''Joker''': And here they are: The Awful Lawful Family! ''[lights turn on and reveal Gordon, Summer, and Bullock tied up and gagged]'' Aren't they just the cutest family you've ever seen? :'''Batman''': ''[watching in the Batmobile]'' It's never easy with the Joker. :'''Joker''': Meet Daddy Lawful! ''[ungags Gordon]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': You diseased maniac! I'll- ''[Joker gags him again]'' :'''Joker''': Hmm. Looks like I'll have to teach Daddy some manners. And here's Mommy Lawful! ''[ungags Summer]'' :'''Summer Gleason''': Help! Somebody please help us- ''[Joker gags her again]'' :'''Joker''': Ho ho ho, isn't she jolly? And here we have little Baby Lawful! Coochie coochie coo! ''[ungags Bullock]'' :'''Detective Bullock''': When I get my hands on you, I'll rip your- ''[Joker gags him again]'' :'''Joker''': I'll bet Batman wishes he had a family just like mine. Personally I think relatives are a bore, so Batman can have them... ''[points to clock showing 10:30PM] if'' he can find them by midnight! Otherwise... ''[makes a throat-slashing motion and laughs]'' ===''Nothing To Fear'' [1.3]=== :''[Bruce is introduced to Dr. Long and he offers a handshake]'' :'''Dr. Long''': ''[looks at hand and pouts off]'' Your father and I attended university together. He had big plans for you. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Well, I guess he'd be pleased. Wayne Industries is more prosperous than ever. :'''Dr. Long''': Pleased? When your father was alive, Wayne was a name that commanded great respect. Now all Wayne stands for is a self-centered jet-setting playboy. It's lucky your father didn't live to see what you've done to his good name. He'd have died of shame. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Scarecrow (DC Comics)|Scarecrow]]''': It seems I have underestimated the Batman, but at least the University is finished. :'''Anthony''': Gee, boss, I never liked school, but, uh, how come you hate the university so much? :'''Scarecrow''': They tried to destroy me. :'''Nigel''': You mean they kicked you out 'cause you weren't smart enough? :'''Scarecrow''': No, you simpleton! ''[pinches Nigel's broken nose]'' :'''Nigel''': Ow! :'''Scarecrow''': I taught there. I was a professor of psychology, specializing in phobias. Inducing terror has always intrigued me. Even as a boy, I loved to frighten things. People, animals, it was all the same. I became obsessed with fear's crippling power. Later, when I became their leading Professor of Subliminal Psychology at the University, I began performing experiments on fear and its subsequent effects. Dr. Long thought I went too far - he called me a lunatic. So now, they will learn the true nature of horror! :'''Anthony''': ''[to Nigel]'' Wow, he's a real professor. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman has been exposed to Scarecrow's fear toxin]'' :'''Thomas Wayne''': Bruce... :'''Batman''': No... not now... :'''Thomas Wayne''': You are a disgrace! ''[turns into the [[w:Grim Reaper|Grim Reaper]]]'' :'''Batman''': No... You are NOT my father. I am NOT a disgrace! I am vengeance, I am the night. I...AM...'''BATMAN!''' ===''The Last Laugh'' [1.4]=== :'''Summer Gleeson''': I'm here in Downtown Gotham where corporate CEOs have gone stark, raving mad. It would appear that the collapse of the stock market is now imminent. The question is: Will [[April Fools' Day]] mark the end of Gotham City as we know it? :'''Joker''': The only things gaining now are the laughing stocks! ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Justice WILL be served, Joker. :'''Joker''': Service with a smile? ''[He tosses a razor card at Batman. Batman dodges it just in time.]'' :'''Batman''': Clean up your act, Joker. :'''Joker''': Oh, that's a joke, right? Batman finally told a joke! ===''Pretty Poison'' [1.5]=== :'''Dent''': So, what do you think? :'''Bruce''': Does she have a sister? :'''Dent''': Nope. Pam's one of a kind. That's why I asked her to marry me. :'''Bruce''': ''[spits out his water upon hearing this]'' WHAT?! :'''Dent''': Yup, that's the page one headline. Hey... is it starting to get warm? :'''Bruce''': You're still flushed from that last kiss. Harvey, you just met her last week! :'''Dent''': And I already know she's the one. Gosh, it's hot in here... :'''Bruce''': Marriage is a major step, Harvs. Don't you think you're rushing it? :'''Dent''': No way. The moment I laid eyes on Pam, her love hit me right in the face. ''[falls right into the food he ordered]'' :'''Bruce''': ''[laughs]'' Harvey, you've lost your mind. Knock it off. ''[sees him unresponsive]'' Harv? Harvey! ''[Later sees Harvey carried into an ambulance and climbs inside]'' Hang on, Harvey. Hang on. <hr width=50%"/> :'''Bullock''': So what'd you put in this mousse?! :'''Chef''': Chocolate, sugar, eggs, cream... :'''Bullock''': STRYCHNINE?! :'''Chef''': No, no, no strychnine. But I added just a pinch of vanilla. :'''Bullock''': ''[turns to a waiter, frustrated]'' You know who did it?! TALK! :'''Waiter''': Hey, I just clean the dishes, okay? <hr width=50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[chuckles]'' Batman! A late night rendezvous? To what do I owe the honor? :'''Batman''': ''[struggling against Ivy's giant flytrap]'' Harvey Dent! :'''Poison Ivy''': Oh, the poor district attorney. I hear he's not expected to live. Oh, it's so sad... ''[feigns crying, which quickly turns to insane laughter]'' :'''Batman''': Why, Isley? :'''Poison Ivy''': Oh, please, call me Poison Ivy. You see, Harvey had to pay for his crime. :'''Batman''': What crime? :'''Poison Ivy''': Why, murder, of course! Plowing up a field of beautiful wildflowers for that silly penitentiary of his. This little rose would be extinct today if I hadn't saved my precious from those horrible bulldozers! The blood of those flowers are on his hands! ''[calms down after her tantrum]'' So his fate was sealed ''[applies lipstick]'' ...with a kiss. And now, so is yours. ''[Ivy's plant holds Batman still as she kisses him; he tries to spit away the poison]'' Oh, what's wrong? Afraid I have cooties? ''[laughs]'' Oh, now you've gone and hurt my feelings. Too bad. I was going to share the antidote with you. ''[opens a bottle and waves it under his nose]'' Lovely fragrance, don't you think? ''[applies a drop to her face]'' I call it "Rose From the Dead". <hr width=50%"/> :''[In a cell in Arkham]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': They can bury me in the ground, as deep as they like. But I'll grow back. ''[to her rose]'' We ''always'' grow back. Don't we, baby? ===''The Underdwellers'' [1.6]=== :'''Sewer King''': Lesson number one is: NOOOOO TAAAALKING! Children are to be seen and not heard. We are the Underdwellers. We are the silent ones. We follow the invisible creed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sewer King''': Frog! The rolls, if you please. :''[Another boy nervously steps over with them; the Sewer King grabs his wrist angrily]'' :'''Sewer King''': You're not Frog! Where is he?! He's not here! ''[smacks the bowl of rolls away]'' NOT HERE! And after all I've done for you ungrateful little monsters! I took you in when nobody else would have you! It is I who care for you! I who provide for you! And only I WHO KNOWS WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU! Would you rather I sent you back into the light? Back to those who hurt you, and sent you away? :''[The children tearfully shake their heads; the Sewer King pushes the dinner table over with a loud crash]'' :'''Sewer King''': THERE WILL BE NOTHING TO EAT UNTIL FROG IS FOUND! NOW OUT WITH YOU! ''OUT WITH YOU!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I don't know what kind of barbarian did this to you, but it's over. And from now on, you'll be treated like human beings. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sewer King''': ''[clapping]'' Bravo. Bravo. You've caused me great distress, you evil bat, yes, yes, yes, you have! You've hurt my pretty pets, and you've frightened my beloved children! :'''Batman''': ''[incredulous and disgusted]'' "Beloved children"?! :'''Sewer King''': Yes! I feed them, I clothe them, I discipline them, and I teach them a trade! And now, I will teach ''you'' something! :''[He stamps on Batman's hands, but Batman swings under the pipe and kicks him from behind, causing him to fall off]'' :'''Batman''': Grab my hand! :'''Sewer King''': ''NEVER!'' :''[He falls into the water, where the alligators close in and seemingly devour him]'' :'''Batman''': A gruesome fate for a gruesome man. :''[He hears the Sewer King laughing, and sees him with the alligators, unharmed]'' :'''Sewer King''': I rather enjoyed it! I told you, they're my pretties! ''[pets one, laughing]'' Have a nice swim! :''[Batman swings over to chase him, narrowly missing the alligators' jaws]'' :'''Batman''': Later. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman pulls the Sewer King out of the way of an oncoming train]'' :'''Sewer King''': Why? Why?! ''Why?!'' :'''Batman''': ''[seething with anger]'' I don't pass sentence. That's for the courts. But this time - ''this time'' - I am ''sorely tempted'' to do the job myself! ===''P.O.V.'' [1.7]=== :''[after Batman grapples up a crane with Officer Montoya to safety]'' :'''Batman''': Are you alright? :''[Machine gun bullets hit around Batman and Officer Montoya, causing both of them to duck]'' :'''Officer Montoya''': Dandy. :'''Batman''': Then don't go away. :'''Officer Montoya''': ''[Batman leaves as more machine gun bullets hit. Montoya stays down]'' Count on it. <hr width="50%"/> :''[after Commissioner Gordon congratulates Officer Montoya for foiling the dock heist with Batman's aid]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': I have to hand it to you, Montoya. You and the Batman really turned this thing around. :'''Patrolman Wilkes''': Yeah, what a [[wikt:collar|collar]]! You didn't just bust 'em, you put the whole gang out of commission. ''[Lieutenant Hackle appears to accuse Montoya]'' :'''Lieutenant Hackle''': What collar? She's suspended! ''[Gordon angrily grabs Heckle]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': This [[wikt:farce|farce]] has gone far enough, Hackle! We apprehended the suspects and recovered our money. The investigation is closed! ''[He grabs three confiscated police badges out of Hackle's suit pocket and shoves him aside. He hands the badges to Officer Montoya]'' Officer Montoya earned this collar. :'''Officer Montoya''': The collar belongs to all three of us, Commissioner. It was a team effort. ''[Montoya accepts hers and hands Wilkes back his badge]'' :'''Patrolman Wilkes''': Gee... thanks, partner! :'''Detective Bullock''': ''[grumbling under his breath]'' Yeah, yeah... :'''Officer Montoya''': What was that, Bullock? ''[happily gives badge to Bullock]'' :'''Detective Bullock''': ''[reluctantly hesitates, accepts his badge]'' I said... Thanks a lot, Montoya. ===''The Forgotten'' [1.8]=== :'''Bruce''': What is this? :'''Smith''': If it's moving, it's a rat. If it isn't, it's a cooked rat. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': ''[Alfred flies the Batwing to the tracking device's location]'' This must be the place! Bring us down! :'''Batwing Computer''': Negative. :'''Alfred''': ''[pressing buttons madly]'' But Master Bruce is down there! We HAVE to land! :'''Computer''': Impossible. Area too confined. :'''Alfred''': ''[pounds the console]'' Land, you bucket of bolts! :'''Computer''': Your funeral. :'''Alfred''': Oh, dear...! ''[The Batwing flies down abruptly. Bruce, escaping the mine, sees the Batwing fly over]'' :'''Bruce''': ''[Smiles]'' Son of a gun! :''[The Batwing reaches a flat area near Bruce and lands. The cockpit opens.]'' :'''Computer''': Watch your step. :'''Alfred''': ''[tumbles out, dazed]'' [[w:Juan Rodriguez Cabrillo|I-I-I claim this land... for Spain]]. ''[collapses]'' ===''Be A Clown'' [1.9]=== :'''Jordan''': How can I get to be a great magician like you, Jekko? :'''"Jekko"''': Well, there are three steps! Step one: run away. Step two: find a magician with a great act. And step three: ''steal it.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Summer Gleason''': ''[reporting on TV]'' Denying reports of a bomb blast at his son's birthday party, Mayor Hill insists the explosion was caused by faulty electrical wiring. :'''"Jekko"''': Yeah! RIGHT! ''[laughs]'' :'''Summer Gleason''': The Mayor declined, however, to confirm that his son Jordan was missing. :'''"Jekko"''': Missing? :'''Jordan''': ''[coming into view]'' It's me, Jekko. I ran away. :'''"Jekko"''': You did '''WHAT?!?''' :'''Jordan''': I want to be a magician, like you. :'''"Jekko"''': Why, you... ''[laughs]'' Well, kid, you got step one right! Come on in. I've been thinking about a protege. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman is trapped inside a tank filled with water, complete with a straitjacket and leg restraints]'' :'''"Jekko"''': For your viewing pleasure, we present... the infamous water tank trap! The great [[w:Harry Houdini|Houdini]] survived such a test. Dare we demand less of the Batman?! :'''Jordan''': I don't like this, Jekko... :'''"Jekko"''': Quiet, kid, it's a free ticket. :''[Batman manages to free the sleeves of the jacket]'' :'''Jordan''': ''[clapping]'' He did it! He got free! :'''"Jekko"''': They don't make straitjackets like they used to. ''[grinning]'' I should know... :''[Batman wriggles out of the jacket and undoes the leg restraints, but struggles to break the glass]'' :'''Jordan''': He can't get out! What's the trick? :'''"Jekko"''': That's just it! THERE IS NO TRICK! :'''Jordan''': No! He'll drown! :''[Jordan grabs an axe and strikes the side of the tank to try and free Batman, but "Jekko" takes the axe away]'' :'''"Jekko"/Joker''': That's why they call it a finale! ''[throws down the axe and discards his Jekko the Clown mask]'' Now sit down and enjoy the show! ===''Two-Face Part 1'' [1.10]=== :''[Dent's raid on Thorne has been aborted by the judge due to supposed lack of reliable evidence]'' :'''Dent''': No! NO! '''I SPENT ''THREE MONTHS'' ON THAT RAID!''' He can't overturn! The fool! HE'S ''BEEN BOUGHT! LIKE ALL THE REST!'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[tries to restrain him]'' Harvey, please try to calm down. This sort of behavior doesn't run well with the voters- :'''Dent''': ''LET GO OF ME, YOU RICH TWIT!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dent''': Stealing someone's psychiatric file is pretty low, Thorne! Even for a swine like you! :'''[[w:John Vernon|Rupert Thorne]]''': But it makes for such fascinating reading. Listen to this, boys. Says here that when Harvey was a little boy, he was bothered by a bully. Every day the bully would bug him after school, until one day little Harvey got so mad, he slugged him one. :'''Thorne's Thugs''': Oooh! :'''Rupert Thorne''': Of course, the bully ran away, which made little Harvey very proud. Until he heard that the bully was in the hospital. :'''Candace''': That was some punch. :'''Rupert Thorne''': ''[chuckles]'' That's what Harvey thought. Except the guy was in the hospital for appendicitis! ''[chuckles again]'' But poor Harvey felt so guilty, he never showed his anger again. And that was the start of "Big Bad Harv". :'''Dent''': What do you want? :'''Rupert Thorne''': Just a few favors from the D.A.'s office. :'''Dent''': You're dreaming. :'''Rupert Thorne''': Otherwise, as a concerned citizen, I'd be compelled to give this to the press. After all, the people of Gotham have a right to know the kind of person... or should I say "persons", they've elected. So, what do you say, Harvey? Do we have a deal? :''[Harvey's face has contorted in building rage the entire time, but suddenly relaxes into deceptive docility]'' :'''Dent''': There's just one problem. :'''Rupert Thorne''': What's that? :'''Dent''': ''[in Big Bad Harv's voice]'' '''''You're talking to the wrong Harvey.''''' ===''Two-Face Part 2'' [1.11]=== :''[In a nightmare, Harvey is being chased by a dark shadow. He suddenly realizes he is standing on a collapsing wooden bridge]'' :'''Harvey Dent''': Stay back! ''[the shadow reveals itself to be Batman, pleading for Harvey's help]'' :'''Batman''': Harvey, please, let me help you! :'''Harvey Dent''': You?! You saw what was happening! You knew that something was terribly wrong with me! I thought you were my friend! You should have been able to help me--but you didn't! ''[Harvey covers his face with his two hands, now transformed into Two-Face]'' :'''Two-Face''': ''NOW LOOK AT ME!!'' :'''Batman''': But I tried, Harvey. I... ''[the bridge pulls itself apart, causing Two-Face to fall off]'' Harvey! :'''Two-Face''': ''[Plummets into an abyss of glowing red light] WHY COULDN'T YOU SAVE ME...?!!'' :''[Batman looks down the edge and gasps with horrified shock. He instead sees his late parents Thomas and Martha Wayne underneath a single lamppost. They both raise their heads in sadness]'' :'''Thomas Wayne''': Why couldn't you save us, son? :''[Bruce wakes up, sweating with fear. He then turns to a photo of Two-Face from a newspaper]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': So what are you dreaming tonight, Harvey? Peaceful dreams? Nightmares? Maybe both at once. Sleep well, my friend. Whether you are, whatever you've become... I ''will'' save you. I swear. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Two-Face''': This is my world now. A dichotomy of order and chaos - just like me. :'''Grace''': Harvey, what's happened to your mind, your feelings? You used to listen to your feelings. :'''Two-Face''': ''[flipping his coin]'' This is what I listen to now. ''Chance,'' Grace. Chance is everything. Whether you're born or not, whether you live or die, whether you're good or bad... it's all arbitrary. :'''Grace''': That's nonsense, Harvey. Was it chance that made you District Attorney? Was it chance that made you fall in love with me? Take control of your life, Harvey. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Two-Face grabs a tommy gun and aims at a defenceless Thorne]'' :'''Rupert Thorne''': No! Two-Face, don't! ''[to Batman]'' You can't let him! :'''Grace''': Harvey! What are you doing?! :'''Two-Face''': Taking control of my life. :'''Batman''': Let the law handle it. :'''Two-Face''': "The law"?! ''[takes out his coin]'' Here's the only law! The law of averages! The great equalizer! :''[Two-Face flips the coin, but Batman throws out a crate of other coins, and Two-Face's is lost among them as they spill out]'' :'''Two-Face''': ''[horrified and panicked]'' NO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! ''[searches through them frantically]'' My coin! Where is it?! I can't decide without...! Oh no, it's ''gotta'' be here, it's ''gotta! [shrieks with anguish]'' '''''I HAVE TO HAVE IT!!!''''' :''[He continues to scream, swiping the coins aside before collapsing in tears; Grace gently comforts him]'' :'''Grace''': It's all right now, Harvey. I'm here. ===''It's Never Too Late'' [1.12]=== :'''Father Michael Stromwell''': Arnold? That's one soul I wish I could give up on. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arnold Stromwell''': I don't need your help! :'''Michael Stromwell''': Is that a fact? An empire crumbling? A marriage shattered? A son lost? Sure, you're doing fine. ===''I've Got Batman In My Basement'' [1.13]=== :''[after Penguin's goons successfully steal a [[w:Fabergé egg|Fabergé egg]] on a tall building]'' :'''Goon 1''': ''[chuckles]'' A piece of cake, just like the boss said. :'''Goon 2''': Yeah, all it took was five minutes. ''[Batman makes his surprise appearance to the goons]'' :'''Batman''': And that'll get you five ''years''... ''[pause]'' with good behavior. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Be-fowled by a couple of fledgelings! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Grant''': Sherman, what are you doing down there? :'''Sherman''': Nothing, Mom! :'''Mrs. Grant''': You're not trying to make gunpowder again, are you? :'''Sherman''': No, Mom! Honest! :'''Roberta''': We just saved Batman's life, Mrs. Grant, and now we're hiding him from some bad criminals. :'''Mrs. Grant''': That's good, just don't make a mess. ''[leaves]'' :'''Sherman''': Nice going, Miss Big Mouth. :'''Roberta''': ''[shrugging]'' Sorry, Sherman, I guess I panicked. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Gentlemen - and I use the term loosely - after you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Eurgh, how bourgeois. Tearing this place apart could only improve it! Let the egg hunt begin! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Grant''': Young man, you've got some serious explaining to do! ''[sees Batman and the defeated Penguin and gasps]'' :'''Sherman''': Err, Mom, I'd like you to meet Batman. Batman, this is my mom. :'''Batman''': Ma'am. :'''Mrs. Grant''': Oh, hello... :'''Sherman''': Say, Batman, you wouldn't be single, would you? ===''[[w:Heart of Ice (Batman: The Animated Series)|Heart of Ice]]'' [1.14]=== :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[gazes at the ballerina snow globe]'' This is how I'll always remember you. Surrounded by [[winter]] forever young, forever beautiful. Rest well, my love. The monster who took you from me will soon learn that [[revenge]] is a dish... ''[opens his eyes through his red goggles]'' best served '''cold'''. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman infiltrates an office in GothCorp headquarters and sees a classified file with a videotape and medical records of a woman named Nora Fries. He plays the tape on a nearby VCR]'' :'''Victor Fries''': ''[on the tape]'' My name is Doctor Victor Fries. I am recording what I pray would be mankind's first step toward immortality. ''[camera pans to a large machine with a glass capsule and a woman inside it]'' Behind me, you see the CC-100, a cryogenic freezing chamber of my own design. I created it for the express purpose of freezing subjects stricken with inoperable ailments. Subjects like... my own beloved wife, Nora. Once a remedy has been found-- ''[reacts to a loud banging on the door]'' :'''Ferris Boyle''': ''[Behind the door]'' Open this door! Open it now! ''[A security guard kicks the door down, Ferris and another guard step into the room. Boyle confronts Fries angrily.]'' Get away from that equipment! ''[Orders his guards]'' Shut this stuff down. :'''Fries''': ''[Panicked]'' Stop! This is my experiment! :'''Boyle''': Your ''unauthorized'' experiment. I ordered funding suspended weeks ago! I'm already three million in debt thanks to you! :'''Fries''': You can't stop it now! My wife is in there! :'''Boyle''': So bring her out! :'''Fries''': You can't interrupt the process now! :'''Boyle''': ''[unmoved; to guard]'' Open it. :'''Fries''': ''[desperately holds on to Boyle]'' It's her only chance! :'''Boyle''': ''[shrugs off Fries]'' This is MY equipment! ''MINE!'' I have every legal right to use it or not use it as I see fit. I say this project ends ''now!'' :'''Fries''': ''[grabs pistol from security guard and aims it at Ferris]'' '''NO!''' Stay away from her, murderer! :'''Boyle''': ''[tries to act charming to Fries]'' Victor... I'm sorry... I lost my temper. It doesn't have to come to this. We can talk! ''[Fries calms down and Boyle kicks him into a table of cryonic chemicals. Victor screams in pain as the cloud of volatile chemicals engulf him. Boyle steps away in fear and runs out of the room with his guards]'' Get out. Get out! :'''Fries''': ''[Clinging to his freezing chamber, screaming through the glass] Nora! NORA...! [passes out. The tape ends]'' :'''Batman''': ''[Horrified]'' My God! :''[A voice rings out--it's Mr. Freeze, who just snuck in the room]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': Yes. It would move me to tears, if I still had tears to shed. ''[freezes Batman with his cryo-gun]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mr. Freeze raids the award ceremony and confronts Ferris Boyle, who is receiving a humanitarian award]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': The cold eyes of vengeance are upon you, Boyle. :'''Ferris Boyle''': Who...who ''are'' you?! :'''Mr. Freeze''': Come, now. Surely you remember your old colleague... Victor Fries? :''[Mr. Freeze aims and fires his freezing gun at Boyle's feet, ice slowly covering up his legs to his waist]'' :'''Boyle''': ''[cries in pain]'' NO! No...! Stop... please... I... b-beg you! ''[Mr. Freeze stops his freezing gun for a moment of clarity]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': You... ''beg?'' In my nightmares I see my Nora behind the glass, begging to me with frozen eyes. How I've longed to see that look frozen on you. :''[Batman batarangs Mr Freeze's cryo-gun and attacks him. Mr Freeze overpowers Batman and throws him off]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': The advanced circuitry that powers my suit also triples my strength! ''[engages Batman, and lifts him off the ground]'' Sooner or later, all who stand in my way must feel the icy touch of death! :''[Mr. Freeze is about to kill Batman, but collapses when Batman smashes his glass helmet with a thermos full of chicken soup given to him by Alfred earlier]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': ''[walks next to Batman]'' Ooh...! What was that stuff? :'''Batman''': The only way to fight a cold. :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[as his suit falters]'' It can't end this way... vengeance...! :'''Batman''': No, ''justice''. A year ago, Ferris Boyle interrupted an experiment, and in the process destroyed two lives. ''[gives Summer Gleeson the tape he found]'' Here's the evidence. ''[walks to a still shivering Boyle; he sneers at Boyle with disgust]'' Good night, humanitarian! ''[walks off]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mr. Freeze is in his subzero cell in Arkham Asylum, gazing into his ballerina snow globe]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': I failed you. I wish there were another way for me to say it... but I cannot. ''[Tears silently slide down his face]'' I can only beg your [[forgiveness]] and pray you hear me somehow, someplace. Someplace... where a warm hand waits for mine. ===''The Cat And The Claw Part 1'' [1.15]=== :'''Stern''': Now if you'll excuse me, I've given you all the time I can spare. :'''Selina Kyle''': You'll find more time for me, Mr. Stern. Before I'm through, I'll have every environmental group and animal rights activist breathing down your neck. They'll be looking at you and your project so closely, you'll feel like a bug in a bell-jar. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You're late. :'''Mob Boss''': Can't you walk up to someone normal-like? :'''Batman''': I hear you have some information. :'''Mob Boss''': Under one condition: Lay off the South Side. :'''Batman''': Keep this up, and I'll be on you from all sides. North, south, east, and west. ===''The Cat And The Claw Part 2'' [1.16]=== :'''Batman''': Red Claw? A woman? :'''[[W:Red_Claw|Red Claw]]''': Do you have a problem with that, Batman? :'''Batman''': Not at all. I'm an equal opportunity crime fighter! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I didn't want you taken away like a common criminal. :'''Catwoman''': So you do care. :'''Batman''': ''[handcuffing her]'' More than you'll ever know. ===''See No Evil'' [1.17]=== :'''Lloyd Ventrix''': See you 'round, Batman! Too bad you can't say the same! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Ventrix, the suit! It's poison! :'''Ventrix''': So what if it is?! I don't care! As long as I have it, I can take my daughter back whenever I want! Her mother won't stop me, AND NEITHER WILL YOU! ===''Beware The Gray Ghost'' [1.18]=== :''[At a video shop, Bruce Wayne asks for Gray Ghost films]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': I'd like the ''Gray Ghost''. :'''Store Clerk''': ''[smirks and walks away]'' Hmm. Name something else. :'''Wayne''': You said you had everything. :'''Store Clerk''': Except the ''Gray Ghost''! Nobody has it! The studio that made the show, Spectra? It burned down 20 years ago. The negatives all went up like kindling, real shame. :'''Wayne''': So the ''Gray Ghost'' doesn't exist? :'''Clerk''': Not anymore. Sorry, pal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Simon Trent''': ''[Hands Batman a film reel with the key the mystery]'' Here's your answer, take it and go! :'''Batman''': I used to admire what the Gray Ghost stood for... :'''Simon Trent''': I'm not the Gray Ghost! :'''Batman''': ''[coldly]'' I can see that now. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the launch of the Gray Ghost videos]'' :'''Bruce''': Could you make this out to 'Bruce'? :'''Gray Ghost''': ''[signing autograph]'' Here you are, Bruce. :'''Bruce''': Thanks. As a kid, I used to watch you with my father. The Gray Ghost was my hero. :'''Gray Ghost''': ''[realizing]'' Really... :'''Bruce''': ''[smiling]'' And he still is. ===''Prophecy Of Doom'' [1.19]=== :'''Nostromos''': I predict... you and I are about to become rich as pigs! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lucas''': No one could've predicted Batman would spot me. Not even the great Nostromos. Besides, how do you know Wayne survived? :'''Nostromos''': The news said he got off the elevator right before it fell, you pathetic amateur! :'''Lucas''': Well, you didn't predict he would ''die'', exactly... ===''Feat Of Clay Part 1'' [1.20]=== :''[About Matt Hagen's repeated use of "Renuyu" to restore his disfigured face]'' :'''Teddy Lupus''': You can't go on like this, Matt. You hurt all the time now. :'''[[w:Clayface|Matt Hagen]]''': ''[irritated]'' You're just my stand-in, Lupus. Nobody promoted you to nursemaid! :'''Lupus''': That stuff makes your face like putty, Matt; it can't be good for ya. :'''Hagen''': It probably ain't good for me. But unless I only want to do ''horror'' pictures, it ain't bad for me either. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Listen up, scumwad, 'cause I'm only gonna ask you once. Who was Lucius Fox meeting at the tram? :'''Raymond Bell''': Wayne... Bruce Wayne! :'''Batman''': You lying sleaze! You wanna rethink that answer? ===''Feat Of Clay Part 2'' [1.21]=== :'''Clayface''': ''[testing his new shapeshifting powers]'' The formula must have soaked every cell in my body. :'''Teddy Lupus''': It's.... It's some kind of miracle! ''[sees Matt change back into Clayface]'' Wha... What are you doing? :'''Clayface''': No. No! You broke my concentration! It won't work, don't you see?! It's too hard! It's like tensing a muscle - I can't keep it up for long! MY CAREER, MY ''LIFE'' - IT ''IS'' GONE! AND I CAN NEVER GET IT BACK! ''[In his rage, Clayface destroys several things in the trailer]'' I'm not an actor anymore! I'm not even... a ''man''! ''[Sobs softly]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Clayface''': Not even the Batman could stop me, Teddy. And that means ''Daggett'' won't have a prayer. :'''Teddy''': Matt, please, you don't wanna do anything crazy. Why don't you try to get some shuteye? :'''Clayface''': ''[growls]'' DON'T YOU DARE PATRONIZE ME!!! I told you I don't need rest! I don't need food! AND I DON'T NEED YOU!!!! ''[grabs Teddy and throws him to a bookcase then walks out the door]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Roland Daggett is at a talk show talking about Renuyu facial cream and the host entertains audience questions]'' :'''Woman''': I'd like to ask Mr. Daggett about the rumors I've heard. I hear he's selling Renuyu through direct marketing because stores won't carry it due to its harmful side effects. :'''[[w:Roland Daggett|Roland Daggett]]''': Well that's, uh, absolutely untrue- :'''Woman''': ''[stands up and approaches him]'' What about the addictive properties of Renuyu, Mr. Daggett? Once you're hooked, you can't stop using it without horrible...''pain''! :'''Daggett''': No! I mean... That's just not so! :'''Woman''': Why don't you show them what an ''overdose'' can do, Daggett?! Why don't you tell them ''[voices goes deeper]'' about ME?! ''[transforms into Clayface]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Batman tricks Clayface into confronting him in a recording room, where he turns multiple screens showing headshots of Clayface's past roles]'' :'''Clayface''': What are you doing?! Stop it! :'''Batman''': Look at them, Hagan. Look at what you used to be. :'''Clayface''': No, no! Turn them off! :'''Batman''': You can play those roles again, Hagan. Let me help you find a cure. :'''Clayface''': ''[begins to shapeshift into his past roles]'' No! Hagan's gone! Make him stop haunting me! ''[begins to uncontrollably shapeshift into his past roles]'' Stop it! Turn them off! I can't control it! I can't be all of them! Not all at once! :''[Batman tries to turn on some more screens, but Clayface knocks him out of the way and smashes the control panels; Clayface yanks off one of the screens and throws it at Batman, who dodges; the screen hits the big screen, causing an explosion; the police arrive to see Clayface in his shapeshifting seizure as he shifts his face into Bruce Wayne]'' :'''Officer''': Mother of mercy! It looks just like Bruce Wayne! :''[Clayface punches through two screens, electrocuting him and reverting back into his true form and he topples over; Batman walks up to Clayface]'' :'''Clayface''': ''[morphs into Matt Hagan]'' You know what I'd have given for a death scene like this? ''[morphs into his scarred form]'' Too bad I won't get to... read the notices. ''[faints and reverts back to his true form.]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Lucius Fox''': I'm just glad to know it wasn't really Bruce Wayne who attacked me. :'''Summer Gleeson''': Thank you, Mr. Fox. All charges against Wayne have, of course, been dropped. And Roland Daggett remains in custody. :''[as Alfred turns off the TV, Batman is experimenting with a piece of Clayface's clay]'' :'''Alfred''': My word, sir. I should think after all this, it would time to rest. :'''Batman''': Look. A piece of clay left behind when they took Hagan's body away. Watch. ''[zaps the clay with electricity, causing it to morph into multiple shapes]'' :'''Alfred''': Electricity has no effect on it? :'''Batman''': Exactly. ''[scene changes to a morgue where a doctor uncovers Clayface's body; voice-over]'' I wouldn't be surprised if the body they took to the morgue was only a shell ''[Clayface's body cracks and crumbles into little pieces]'' Don't forget, first and foremost, Hagan was an actor. ''[scene changes to Teddy outside the hospital]'' He said it himself, Alfred. He called it a scene. Maybe the greatest scene in his career. :'''Teddy''': ''[sadly]'' See you 'round, Matt. ''[walks away]'' :'''Batman''': A death scene so real... it fooled us all. :''[a woman laughs maniacally as her voice grows deeper and her eyes turn yellow, revealing her to be a disguised Clayface]'' ===''Joker's Favor'' [1.22]=== :'''[[w:Joker (comics)|Joker]]''': ''[tosses two pennies on the ground]'' There's your two cents. Now, what are you going to do to me? :'''Charlie''': Listen.... I... O'm sorry, really! I.... I had a bad day. Boss turned down my raise, and... :'''Joker''': Now look, my rude friend! We can't have people cursing at each other on the freeway. It's simply ''not polite''! ''[jumps down and grabs him]'' I'm just going to have to teach you some manners. ''[reaches into his coat]'' :'''Charlie''': Please don't! I have a family, a wife, a little boy! Please! I'll do anything to make it up! Anything! :'''Joker''': Anything, says you? ''[Charlie nods; Joker releases him]'' Okee-dokee! Wallet. :'''Charlie''': Uh, okay. I don't have much cash. :'''Joker''': Oh, please! Don't insult me! ''[takes out driver's license]'' Charles Michael Collins. That's you! Tsk tsk, lousy picture, though. Lousy! Address, height, weight, blah blah blah. ''[tosses the wallet back and keeps the license]'' Righty-o, Chuckers! Here's the deal. I'll let you off if you promise to do a little favor for me. :'''Charlie''': Okay. What? :'''Joker''': ''I DON'T KNOW! I HAVEN'T THOUGHT OF IT YET!'' You just toddle on back to your mundane, meaningless little life, and when I need you, I'll call. Fair? Good? Great! I'll be in touch. ''[walks away, laughing maniacally]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Charlie''': Hello? :'''Joker''': Hello, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': Wrong number, pal. My name is Don. :'''Joker''': Oh, no, no, no. This IS the right number, Charles Michael Collins. Oh, I don't know why you changed your name to Don Wallace and moved your family to 12 Marigold Lane, Springdale, Ohio. One might think you were trying to skip out on our little deal. ''[to Harley Quinn]'' Leave the sideburns. :'''Charlie''': Uh... how did you find me? :'''Joker''': Oh, I never lost you, Chaz. You've become my... HOBBY!! ''[laughs maniacally]'' Now, listen up, Charlie Brown. You're booked on the next flight to Gotham. Tell the family you have to visit a sick friend. Oh, and let's keep this to ourselves, 'kay? Bad things happen to people who gossip, capisce, Carlo? ''[Charlie looks out the window to see Joker's henchmen pull up to his house]'' :'''Charlie''': Yeah... :'''Joker''': Good! See ya! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': You miserable little ''nobody!'' If I get caught, your wife and son are history! :'''Charlie''': You're not getting caught. Not this time. I found this blown out of the van. :''[He pulls one of the Joker's bombs from his jacket, and the Joker looks shocked and afraid]'' :'''Charlie''': This is how it ends, Joker. No big schemes, no grand fight to the finish with the Dark Knight. Tomorrow, all the papers will say is that the great Joker was found blown to bits in an alley, alongside a "miserable little nobody"! ''[chuckles]'' Kinda funny. Ironic, really. See? I can destroy a man's dreams too! And that's really the only dream you've got, isn't it?! :'''Joker''': ''[still scared]'' Look, Charlie, you've had a busy day! All this running around, all this excitement with... ''[yelling out desperately]'' '''''BATMAN!''''' Stop! You... you're crazy! :'''Charlie''': I had a good teacher! ''[chuckles]'' Say goodnight, Gracie! :'''Joker''': ''[terrified, trying to crawl away]'' NO! '''BATMAN! ''BATMAN!''''' ''[sees Batman in the shadows, and gasps with relief and annoyance]'' How long have you been there?! :'''Batman''': Long enough. Put it down, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': You know he'll just escape again! This is the only way my family stays safe! :'''Joker''': All right, you win! Take it easy! ''[surrenders his notebook to Batman]'' Here's everything on his blasted family - names, addresses, it's all there! You're no fun anymore, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': Hey, Joker! ''[throws the bomb at the Joker, who cowers behind Batman - only for the "bomb" to release harmless confetti]'' Gotcha! :''[Batman lets out a short laugh]'' :'''Joker''': ''[dryly]'' Oh, very funny. A million laughs. :'''Batman''': Go home, Mr. Collins. :'''Charlie''': Home. I never thought that could sound so good. I wonder what Bonnie's making for dinner. Right now, anything would taste great. Even meatloaf. ===''Vendetta'' [1.23]=== :'''Batman''': Here's how it works, slimeball. I have questions, and if you have answers, I'll leave you alone. :'''Rupert Thorne''': Oh, I have plenty of answers... thirty-eight caliber answers. Now then, you were saying? :'''Batman''': ''[Using Thorne as a shield]'' I was saying, you'd better hope your men are ''very'' good shots. It's too hot in here. Let's get some air. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Killer Croc''': Terrific. Just what I need now. The freak job in the cape. :'''Batman''': You're no prize yourself. :'''Killer Croc''': ''[strangling Batman]'' What can I tell you now? Being a reptile man ain't pretty... but it's got its upside. Like having the strength of a crocodile, for instance! But I guess you've learned that by now, huh? ''[forcing Batman into the water]'' The hard way. You know, they used to call "Killer Croc" the meanest dude in the Wrestling Federation. Now they'll call him the guy who iced the Batman! :'''Batman''': ''[flip-kicks Killer Croc really hard and gets out of the water]'' Don't hold your breath. ===''Fear Of Victory'' [1.24]=== :'''Mr. Lucky''': Lost? You have that bewildered look, but your sort always does. :'''Thug''': ''[grabs him threateningly]'' I ain't lost. I'm lookin' for you! I wanna know how come you always win, Mr. Lucky. :'''Mr. Lucky''': It's quite simple, actually. I fix the games. :'''Thug''': You can't fix ''all'' those sports. Nobody can! :'''Mr. Lucky''': Oh, ye of little brain, allow me to illustrate. ''[hands the thug an envelope laced in fear toxin]'' Here. You can read, can't you? :'''Thug''': ''[reads it]'' "Boo!" Hey, is this some kinda joke? :'''Mr. Lucky''': It's no joke, I assure you. It's the fear of victory, and the agony of... ''[the thug pulls Mr. Lucky out of the shadows, revealing his true identity]'' '''the Scarecrow!''' :''[The thug gasps in fear, now a victim of his toxin]'' :'''Scarecrow''': So now you understand Step One in how I fix an athletic contest. ''[Scarecrow comes closer to the thug, causing him to fall into some stacks of hay]'' I shall proceed to Step Two! ''[chuckles evilly]'' :'''Thug''': No! NO! GET AWAY! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': There's enough powder in that helmet to panic a pachyderm! He should be postering himself, crying for mercy! :'''Batman''': Change of luck, Scarecrow? :'''Scarecrow''': YOU! :'''Batman''': You're aware that gambling is illegal in Gotham? :'''Scarecrow''': I need the money, Batman! You know the cost of chemicals these days. And it will take much more than this to bring every pathetic person in Gotham to their knees, kissing my feet! ''[reveals a vial of his fear chemical and dangles it above the crowd]'' No closer, Batman! Unless you want a stampede of half-crazed humanity crushing and clawing each other! Now... what guarantee do I have you won't follow me? :'''Batman''': You have my word, Scarecrow. Just don't drop the vial. :'''Scarecrow''': Actually, Batman, I'd prefer a little insurance that you'll be otherwise occupied! ''[drops it]'' ===''The Clock King'' [1.25]=== :'''Fugate''': (after judgment has been passed) No! You can't! I'll be ruined! :'''Judge''': Then perhaps this will teach you to be on time for a change. :'''Batman''': What kind of a saboteur uses a six-thousand dollar Metronex to set a time bomb? :'''Alfred''': A saboteur with too much money? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman:''' Hold it! :'''Fugate:''' Well, well. The Batman. It's about time you showed up! I suppose you want to know why I've brought Downtown Gotham to a standstill, Batman. Hm? Well, let's just say it's because I'm a civic minded citizen with a lot of time on his hands. :'''Batman''': I want some answers, wise guy. Talk! :'''Fugate''': A pity. I don't know what to tell you, Batman - except perhaps that the 9:15 is always six minutes early. :''(He falls off the building and lands safely on the roof of an oncoming train as it speeds away)'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mayor Hill is tied to the hands of a huge clock]'' :'''Clock King''': Comfortable, Hill? Well you won't be for long! At 3:15 on the dot, those hands will come together and you'll be crushed like an insect. 3:15, Hill. Does that time hold any meaning for you? :'''Mayor Hill''': I don't know what you're talking about! :'''Clock King''': You told me to take my coffee break at 3:15. :'''Mayor Hill''': What?! :'''Clock King''': You don't remember?! My ''court date!'' :'''Mayor Hill''': ''[finally realizing]'' Oh my Lord! The lawsuit! Fugate! I swear I was only trying to help! :'''Clock King''': Don't hand me that! You did it on purpose! The plaintiffs were represented by your law firm, Mr. Mayor! :'''Mayor Hill''': But I had nothing to do with that case, Fugate! :'''Clock King''': Not that it matters anymore. Now that you have an appointment to keep, at 3:15 precisely—with the '''Grim Reaper!''' ''[begins laughing maniacally]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I'm here to clean your clock, Fugate. :'''Fugate''': Don't count on it, Batman. When it comes to clocks, ''I'' am king. ''En garde''! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Stop this, Fugate! Hill committed no crime against you! :'''Temple Fugate''': He did worse than that! He made me late! :'''Batman''': Fugate! You can't escape! :'''Clock King''': Au contraire, Batman. You of all people should know, there's always a way out! :''(Fugate begins laughing maniacally as a huge clock wheel falls on him, sending him to his apparent death)'' ===''Appointment In Crime Alley'' [1.26]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': Roland Daggett's up to something, Alfred. :'''Alfred''': That almost goes without saying, doesn't it, sir? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Leslie Thompkins''': This used to be a beautiful street. Good people lived here once. :'''Batman''': ''[placing two roses on the ground]'' Good people still live in Crime Alley. ===''Mad As A Hatter'' [1.27]=== :'''Jervis Tetch''': ''[Discussing the subject of Alice to his lab rats.]'' Of course, intellectually I know it's wrong. After all, she has a boyfriend. Better to withdraw like a gentleman- forget her, turn my heart to other pursuits. ''[Brief pause]'' NEVER! After all, I've created a chip strong enough to control a human brain! It would be so easy to make her forget her boorish beau and love ME! But...that would reduce her to a soulless shell. No...not my Alice. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman has cornered Jervis Tetch, who just subdued Alice with her mindcontrol card and is at a dinner table with him]'' :'''Jervis Tetch/Mad Hatter''': I'll cut that cowl off your neck before you'll take her! I've waited my whole lonely life for her! :'''Batman''': Then all you've waited for is a puppet. A soulless little doll. :'''Mad Hatter''': It didn't have to be this way! You made me do this to her! ===''Dreams In Darkness'' [1.28]=== :'''Batman''': "There's always time to heal", the doctor told me, but he was wrong. There was no time left. Not for me, not for him, and not for Gotham City. And as long as I remained trapped in Arkham, there was nothing I could do, except wait for the end and remember the beginning. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': An entire city, screaming in fear... I wonder if we'll be able to hear it... ===''Eternal Youth'' [1.29]=== :'''Mrs. Thomas''': You wicked, evil- :'''Poison Ivy''': Evil, Mrs. Thomas? I don't control a company that leveled a thousand-year-old forest for a strip mine! THAT'S evil! ''[sprays a gas which causes Mrs. Thomas to become petrified; steals a pair of earrings]'' You and your kind owe Mother Nature a big debt, and I am here to make sure you pay up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': Right now, the bark is merely exoskeletal. It will take months of additional spraying before the transformations become irreversible. But, of course, I have the patience of a redwood. :'''Batman''': ''[snarling]'' And the convictions of a fanatic! :'''Poison Ivy''': Well, if you're not going to be part of the solution, you're obviously part of the problem. Ladies? :''[Ivy's henchwomen begin to spray Batman with the growth formula]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': This spray is triple-strength, Batman! It will start the transformation without any preliminaries! ''[Nothing seems to happen to Batman as he unties his hands]'' He should be sprouting leaves by now! :'''Batman''': ''[Unties his hands and stands up, blocking the spray with his cape as he advances]'' You made your secret too accessible, Ivy! I coated my outfit with a herbicidal antidote! :'''Poison Ivy''': Keep spraying! ''[Violet and Lily back away, still spraying, but Batman subdues them both]'' ===''Perchance To Dream'' [1.30]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[Looking down off the ledge, preparing to jump]'' You're wrong! There IS a way out! :'''Mad Hatter''': Now, now wait just a minute! You don't want to do anything foolish! This isn't an ordinary dream! What if you're wrong?! :'''Bruce Wayne''': '''THEN I'LL SEE YOU IN YOUR ''NIGHTMARES''!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': '''''WHY?''''' Why did you do it?! :'''Mad Hatter''': You, of all people, have the GALL to ask me that? You RUINED MY LIFE! I was willing to give you WHATEVER life you wanted, JUST TO KEEP YOU OUT OF ''MINE!'' <hr width="75%"/> ===''The Cape & Cowl Conspiracy'' [1.31]=== :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Look up "slippery" in the dictionary and you get Josiah Wormwood. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[About the [[w:Bat-Signal|Bat-Signal]]]'' Got a new toy, I see. :'''Gordon''': I figured it might come in handy. ===''[[w:Robin's Reckoning|Robin's Reckoning Part 1]]'' [1.32]=== :''[Robin and Batman are doing a stakeout]'' :'''Robin''': If I knew it was going to take THIS long, I would've brought my homework. You sure about this extortion ring? :'''Batman''': ''[Looking at the construction site through binoculars]'' Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': It's been four hours. :'''Batman''': Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': You still think they'll show? :'''Batman''': Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': Lucky for me, you're such a good conversationalist. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': If you protect him, Stromwell, I'll be very... GRUMPY. [[The Incredible Hulk|You don't want to see me when I'm grumpy]]. ===''[[w:Robin's Reckoning|Robin's Reckoning Part 2]]'' [1.33]=== :'''[[w:Tony Zucco|Tony Zucco]]''': I'm not back in town five minutes - FIVE MINUTES - and he's on my tail. You don't know the Bat. He don't let up! He's the dark angel of death, man, and he wants ME! :'''Mick''': ... Why you, boss? :'''Zucco''': HOW SHOULD I KNOW?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Robin is about to throw Tony Zucco off the pier]'' :'''Tony Zucco''': No, don't! Please... :'''Batman''': Robin! Enough. ''[limps towards him]'' You can't let your emotions get the best of you. :'''Robin''': Stuff your advice, Batman! You and your stone-cold heart! You don't know how I feel. HOW COULD YOU?!? ''[Batman looks at him, and Robin realizes what he said]'' Batman, I didn't mean to... I'm sorry. ''[after he sees the police coming, Robin seemingly readies to throw Zucco off the pier but simply throws him to the ground. The cops arrive and arrest Zucco.]'' You were right, you know, not bringing me along. You knew I'd take it too personally. :'''Batman''': It wasn't that, Robin. It wasn't that at all. Zucco's taken so much, caused you so much pain. I couldn't stand the thought that he might... take you, too. :'''Robin''': ''[putting a hand on Batman's shoulder]'' Come on, partner. It's been a long night. ===''The Laughing Fish'' [1.34]=== :'''Alfred''': ''[seeing Batman with a Joker Fish]'' Dining in tonight, sir? :'''Batman''': ''[sighs]'' The dissection tray, please, Alfred... :'''Alfred''': Any idea what our happy friend is up to now? :'''Batman''': Normal criminals usually have logical motives, but the Joker's insane schemes make sense to him alone. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': Ah-ah-ah-ahem! Look alive, wage slaves. Presenting that caliph of clowns, that mogul of mountebanks, the one and only Joker! :''[The Joker enters, laughing maniacally]'' :'''Francis''': Great Scott! :'''Joker''': Actually, I'm Irish. Good morning, Mister, err, ''[looks at his desk's name plate]'' Francis! Please allow me to introduce my associates. Miss Quinn. :'''Harley Quinn''': ''Enchante''! :'''Joker''': And Messrs, uh... oh, their names escape me for the moment. No matter! We gentlemen of business have arrangements to discuss. :'''Francis''': A... Arrangements? :'''Joker''': ''[drops a Joker Fish onto his desk]'' For my fish, of course! This has all been worked out far in advance, Francis. You are merely the last tiny cog in my grand design! So don't speak to me again, 'kay? Now, what is everyone in town talking about? :'''Francis''': Err... your fish? :'''Joker''': ''[smacks him with the fish]'' I TOLD YOU NOT TO SPEAK! :'''Harley''': ''[sniffs Francis]'' Ooh, fish stink-a-roony! ''[sprays him with a substance from a perfume bottle, making him cough]'' All better! :'''Joker''': As I was saying, since every fish in Gotham now bares my famous and frankly ''fabulous'' face, I should be getting a profit from every fish product sold. ''[one of his thugs pours out a pile of products]'' Let's say a nickel per fish sandwich, fifty cents for sardines - millions of dollars a day to finance my happily hedonistic lifestyle! So which of your tedious copyright forms do I fill out first? You may speak now. :'''Francis''': No one can copyright fish. They're a natural resource. :'''Joker''': But they share my unique face! [[w:Colonel Sanders|Colonel What's-His-Name]] has chickens, and they don't even have moustaches! :'''Francis''': I can't help it, it's the law! :'''Joker''': Oh! Trying to cheat the Joker, are ya?! Well, we'll see who has the last laugh. You have until midnight to change your mind, Francis, or you'll be the poorest fish of all! ''[leaves, laughing madly, with his thugs following]'' :'''Harley''': ''[blows Francis a kiss as she follows]'' Buh-bye! :'''Francis''': He's crazy...! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Francis''': Err, Batman? Why is this happening to me? I've never done anything to this Joker. I'm just a paper-pusher, I can't change the laws. I'm harmless! :'''Batman''': And in his sick mind, that's the joke, Mr. Francis. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Feeling all right? :'''Francis''': ''[scratching himself]'' Oh, sure. It's just that everything's been so crazy today. I haven't even had time to rinse off that gunk the Joker's girl squirted on me... :'''Batman''': ''[to Gordon]'' GET THIS MAN TO A HOSPITAL! ''NOW!'' :'''Francis''': What?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': You're right, Harley. Fish ''are'' disgusting. I think I'll start using my toxin on cattle. Joker Burgers! Ha! Talk about a [[w:McDonald's|Happy Meal!]] <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': ''[after hitting Batman with a big wrench]'' Meanwhile, back at the "wrench"...! Since my sidesplitters don't tickle you, how 'bout a ''skull''-splitter?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After the Joker is seemingly eaten by the shark]'' :'''Harley''': ''[sniffing sadly]'' Oh, my poor, poor puddin'... :'''Bullock''': Come on, he was a demented, abusive, psychotic maniac. :'''Harley''': Yeah... I'm really gonna miss him! ''[sobs into her handkerchief]'' :'''Gordon''': Do you think he's gone for good? :'''Batman''': Believe me, Jim, I wish it were true. But deep inside, I doubt it. ===''Night Of The Ninja'' [1.35]=== :'''[[w:Kyodai Ken|Kyodai Ken]]''': ''[Throwing Bruce]'' Don't be depressed, Wayne-san. You're not bad for a rich man's pampered son. :'''Sensei''': ''[Leaps across room and throws Kyodai]'' There's always someone better, Kyodai. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': His name is Kyodai Ken. He was good. :'''Robin''': Yeah? How good? :'''Batman''': ''[Quickly]'' Good. :'''Robin''': I see. <hr width="80%"/> ===''Cat Scratch Fever'' [1.36]=== :'''Selina Kyle''': Don't tell me you're my very own private probation officer. How often would you like me to check in? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': "Viral Antitoxins". For a plague that doesn't exist, yet, but if the plague is introduced via stray dogs and cats, it will blanket Gotham City within weeks! :'''Roland Daggett''': Days, actually. You know how many strays there are in Gotham, Batman? Three hundred thousand! Imagine if even a tenth of them carried the virus. Not only will this little bottle make me a hero, it'll make me a fortune as well. ===''The Strange Secret Of Bruce Wayne'' [1.37]=== :''[Joker, Two-Face, and Penguin are bidding over Batman's secret identity]'' :'''Two-Face''': $500,000 :'''Penguin''': Poof. Chicken feed. I'll bet a million! :'''Two-Face''': ''TWO'' Million! :'''Strange''': I have two million. Do I hear three? :'''Joker''': Hold it, hold it, HOLD IT! :'''Two-Face''': Get outta my face, clown! :'''Joker''': Which one? :''[An angered Two-Face is about to attack Joker, but Penguin intervenes]'' :'''Penguin''': Gentlemen, it behooves us not to fight amongst ourselves. :'''Joker''': Well put, sardine breath! I think we should ''pool'' our resources on this. $51,240,685! ''[gets out a little coin purse, and pours out some coins]'' And uh, 53 cents. :'''Strange''': Sold! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Strange''': Joker, please! I was set up! Bruce Wayne is Batman! :'''Two-Face''': That's absurd! I know Bruce Wayne. If he's Batman, I'm the King of England! :'''Joker''': And people say I'M crazy! ===''Heart Of Steel Part 1'' [1.38]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': And who's your little friend? :''[Barbara takes a teddy bear out of her purse]'' :'''Barbara Gordon''': Oh, this is Wubby. I've had him forever. Dad won't pick me up at the airport without bringing him along. :'''Commissioner Gordon''': ''[blushing]'' Well... he knows the way better than I do. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': ''[After learning about the AI project]'' Sounds as if the human race could become quite expendable, except for butlers, of course. :'''Batman''': Of course. ===''Heart Of Steel Part 2'' [1.39]=== :'''Randa''': You have immobilized the maker. :'''[[w:HARDAC|HARDAC]]''': His human imperfection endangers the plan. He must be improved upon. <hr width="50%"/> :'''HARDAC''': The maker's concept was sound, but he did not go far enough - which is why I have taken over. ===''If You're So Smart, Why Aren't You Rich?'' [1.40]=== :'''[[w:Riddler|Edward Nygma]]''': ''[Being cheated out of the sales of his game]'' You are a fool, Mockridge, to think you can get away with this! Your amoral greed is no match for an intellect like mine! :'''Mockridge''': Oh, yeah? Then tell me something, Eddie: if you're so smart, why aren't you ''rich?'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman reprograms the Hand of Fate, and uses it to carry himself and Robin to the centre of the maze]'' :'''Riddler''': That is grand-scale CHEATING, Batman! You're not allowed to tamper with the Hand of Fate! :'''Batman''': I don't believe in fate! :'''Riddler''': You probably don't believe in Minotaurs either, but you'll still have to answer the Riddle. :'''Minotaur Robot''': ''I have billions of eyes, yet I live in darkness. I have millions of ears, yet only four lobes. I have no muscles, yet I move two hemispheres. What am I?'' :'''Batman''': ''[pauses in thought]'' That's simple: the human brain. ''[The Minotaur backs away]'' It has billions of optic and auditory nerves, four lobes and two hemispheres, and it's the only thing Edward Nygma respects. :'''Riddler''': A lucky guess, that's all! But it won't save you, Batman! ''[to the Minotaur]'' DESTROY THEM! ===''Joker's Wild'' [1.41]=== :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[as Joker changes the channel in the TV]'' Hey, I was watching that! :'''Joker''': And now you're watching this! :'''Poison Ivy''': Change it back! :'''Joker''': Nope, nope, nope, nope, don't want to. :'''Poison Ivy''': Guard! :'''Security Guard''': What's the problem? :'''Joker''': Don't look now, Sonny Jim, but the plant lady's gone whackers again. :'''Poison Ivy''': He started it! I was just sitting here! :'''Joker''': That's right, you're always blaming me. And the children wonder why we fight! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...the Joker's Wild! :''[Cameron Kaiser cuts the ribbon and unveils a casino with a gigantic Joker head. He is seen spoken to by Summer Gleeson]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': Ugh, that is disgusting! :'''Cameraman''': Psst, Summer! We're on the air! :'''Summer Gleeson''': ''[mortified]'' Oh! Uh... there you have it! Let's get a reaction from the guests. Mr. Wayne? :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[equally nauseated]'' No comment. :'''Summer Gleeson''': Mr. Kaiser, why build a casino seemingly in honor of one of history's most notorious outlaws? :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Summer, please! Wild Joker is a classic symbol, long associated with cards and games. I can't help it if there's a some passing resemblance to some criminal fruitcake. :''[An enraged Joker smashes the television]'' :'''Joker''': How dare that smug, preening fool try to cash in on ''MY'' image! :'''Poison Ivy''': Now who should lighten up? :'''Joker''': Don't get cute with me, Red. He's ripping me off! I'll protest! Yeah! I'll sue! Then I'll rip his lungs out! And I will, too! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': It was a scheme worthy of ''me'', Kaiser, the way you got me riled up and turned me loose on this place! :'''Cameron Kaiser''': You...! You were supposed to destroy the casino! :'''Joker''': Yeah, but then I realized it'd be more fun to get rid of you and run the show myself! :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Bu-But you can't...! :'''Joker''': Oh please, Mr. Kaiser! You of all people should have realized there'd be a Joker in the deck! ''[laughs]'' ===''Tyger Tyger'' [1.42]=== :'''Dorian''': I want to test Tygrus' reflexes and feral strength, and who better to pit him against than you? I'll give you a generous head start before I release Tygrus. If you defeat him, I shall relinquish this, the antigen to reverse Catwoman's mutation. :'''Batman''': How do I know you'll keep your word? :'''Dorian''': You don't. The clock is ticking, Batman. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': So you ''can'' talk. :'''Tygrus''': My father taught me. :'''Batman''': Your father was a test tube. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': Batman! The antidote! I'll be stuck like this forever! :'''Tygrus''': Would that be so bad? You could stay here, with me. :'''Catwoman''': Oh, Tygrus... I can't live like this, I have to be human again. :'''Tygrus''': ''[sadly, taking her hands in his]'' Goodbye, Selina. :''[As he leaves, Catwoman sees that he has given here the serum. She looks overjoyed, then calls out to him]'' :'''Catwoman''': Wait - won't you come with us? There's nothing for you here. :'''Tygrus''': There's nothing for me anywhere. ''[disappears into the falling rain]'' :'''Batman''': ''[in voiceover]'' "[[w:The Tyger|Tyger Tyger burning bright, in the forests of the night: what immortal hand or eye, dare frame thy fearful symmetry?]]" ===''Moon Of The Wolf'' [1.43]=== :'''Professor Milo''': What you're suffering from is an early stage of lycanthropy, more commonly known as werewolfism; for that I have no treatment. However, advanced werewolfism can be cured. :'''Anthony Romulus''': ''[after a wolf howls, Anthony starts transforming]'' Ohhh, you fool! There's no telling what the werewolf might do! :'''Professor Milo''': Hey, ask me if I care. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Do me a favour, shaggy: stay down! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bullock''': No trace of Wolfie! We checked the shoreline for miles! But in four weeks, there's another full moon. Then we'll know for sure. ===''Day Of The Samurai'' [1.44]=== :''[Batman swoops away after rescuing his Sensei's student, Kairi]'' :'''Kairi''': ''[In Japanese]'' Spirit of the bat... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yoru''': If you see Batman, tell him I have great respect for him. :'''Bruce''': Why? He's as much a ninja as Kyodai was. :'''Yoru''': Not so. Batman offered to help his adversary, and a lesser man would have used the secrets of the Onemuri touch against his opponent. Batman is the essence of samurai, Wayne-san. You would do well to remember that. :'''Bruce''': ''[bows]'' Domo arigato, sensei. ===''Terror In The Sky'' [1.45]=== :'''Batman''': Reports of a huge bat creature the size of a man. Remind you of anybody? :'''Alfred''': Present company excluded? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You couldn't leave it alone, could you, March? You've recreated the mutagen. :'''March''': ''[aiming a tranquilizer rifle at him]'' Recreated it? I've ''refined'' it! At night, on my own, so the others wouldn't know. I still believe only a creature like a Man-Bat can survive the next evolutionary cataclysm - and it will! My new serum could be even more powerful than Kirk's! :'''Batman''': ''[after disarming March]'' "''Could'' be"? What do you mean? :'''March''': I needed to test it, but before I had the chance-- :'''Batman''': ''[clearly surprised]'' You mean you ''haven't'' taken it? :'''March''': Of course not! The experimental batch was destroyed. I'll have to-- :'''Batman''': Destroyed? How? :'''March''': I'd been working through the night. I was just completing the final combination. ''[remembers incident at his lab as he drops the beaker of mutagen upon Francine's surprise entry]'' Francine burst in. I was startled. You have to understand I was very tired, I accidentally dropped the beaker. The whole night's work, ruined! Francine never guessed what I was doing, she even helped me clean up the mess. All that... glass! ''[recalls Francine licking her finger after it is pricked by a small shard of glass]'' Oh... oh, my lord... Francine! The mutagen - it's in ''her'' bloodstream now! ''[breaks down at his folly as Batman loads a tranquilizer into a pistol of his and then gives March the formula paperwork]'' :'''Batman''': Is ''that'' what it's going to take? Your daughter's life, before you end this insanity? :''[Later that night, March burns the files]'' ===''Almost Got 'Im'' [1.46]=== :'''Joker''': I want a nice clean game, gentlemen. :'''Penguin''': That'll be a first. So, I hear 'you-know-who' nailed the Mad Hatter last week. :'''Joker''': No kidding. He sure gets around for one guy. :'''Two-Face''': Yeah, well that's where you're wrong. I don't think it IS one guy. :'''[[w:Killer Croc|Killer Croc]]''': Huh? :'''Two-Face''': The way I figure it, Gordon's got a bunch of 'em stashed someplace like a SWAT team. He wants you to think it's one guy, but- :'''Joker''': Meh. You're always seeing double. :'''Penguin''': It's obvious our caped friend suffered some crime-related trauma when he was younger. Perhaps an over-anxious mugger blew off a piece of his face. :'''Joker''': Sure! He could be all gross and disgusting under that mask! ''[as Two-Face crushes a milk carton]'' Uh, no offense, Harv. :'''Two-Face''': Just deal. :'''Killer Croc''': Well, ya know what ''I'' think? :'''Joker''': Not the robot theory again... :'''Killer Croc''': Well, he COULD be. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Two-Face''': Poison Ivy... :'''Poison Ivy''': It's been a long time Harvey. You're still looking...halfway decent. :'''Two-Face''': Half of me wants to strangle ya. :'''Poison Ivy''': And what's the other part want? :'''Two-Face''': To hit you with a truck! :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[to the others]'' We used to date. :'''Penguin/Joker''': Ah. ===''Birds Of A Feather'' [1.47]=== :'''[[w:Penguin (comics)|Penguin]]''': Say, who's there? Two-Face? Croc? Joker, old shoe? :'''Batman''': None of the above, Penguin. :'''Penguin''': Oh no, not you... :'''Batman''': Get used to it. Wherever you go, I'll be right behind you. :'''Penguin''': Precisely where you belong. But you needn't bother. Haven't you heard? I've reformed. Paid my debt to society, and all that. :'''Batman''': We'll see. I just came to tell you to keep your beak clean. :'''Penguin''': ''[grabs a can of rat poison]'' As long as you're here, won't you stay for a cappuccino? :''[Batman gives him an annoyed look before leaving]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Batman defeats a gang of thugs threatening the Penguin and Veronica]'' :'''Batman''': I knew you couldn't stay clean for more than one day. :'''Veronica''': Let him go! He didn't do anything. It was those brutes! :'''Batman''': ''[genuinely surprised]'' He wasn't with them? :'''Penguin''': That's right, you vulgar vigilante! In my day, I associated with a much higher class of riff-raff! :'''Veronica''': I'm so sorry, Ozzie. :'''Penguin''': As long as you weren't bruised, my peach. ''[kisses her hand]'' :'''Batman''': "Peach"? :'''Penguin''': Why don't you be a good masked man and ride off into the night? This time, ''I'll'' clean up after ''you.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Veronica''': Please, Oswald! If it's money you want, I can get you more! :'''Penguin''': ''SHUT UP!'' All I wanted from ''you'', dearie, was a little friendship. That would have cost you ''nothing.'' But now you'll pay! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Veronica''': Oswald? I really was growing fond of you. It's too bad this had to happen. :'''Penguin''': ''[coldly]'' I suppose it's true what they say: society is to blame. ''High'' society. ===''What Is Reality?'' [1.48]=== :'''Batman''': "Where does a 500 pound gorilla sleep?" "What's worse than a millipede with flat feet?" "How do you stuff five elephants into a compact car?" :'''Alfred''': Anywhere it wants, a giraffe with a sore throat, and two in the front seat, two in the back, and one in the trunk. :'''Batman''': Yeah, yeah. I know, I know. Any schoolboy knows those. But brain teasers are the Riddler's M.O. Not corny old jokes like these. :'''Alfred''': Perhaps the questions are the clues, not the answers. For example, they all seem to involve animals. :'''Batman''': Also numbers. A ''500'' pound gorilla. A millipede, meaning a thousand legs. And five elephants. Now let's convert them to Roman numerals. ''[he does, revealing the letters DMV]'' Look! :'''Alfred''': DMV... :'''Batman and Alfred''': Department of Motor Vehicles! :'''Alfred''': But I recall you mentioning he'd already obliterated his records there, so why return? :'''Batman''': For the hard copy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no tales. :'''Batman''': Another riddle, Nygma? :''[Four quarters and a single penny emerge from the return change chute]'' :'''Riddler''': It all makes sense when you add it up! :''[In the Batmobile]'' :'''Alfred''': Four quarters and a penny, sir? :'''Batman''': Penny... Penny... Cent... Red cent... Copper. It's made of copper. :'''Alfred''': And "copper" is another word for a policeman. :'''Batman''': And "no tails" would be heads. Police head... Quarters! :'''Alfred''': Police Headquarters. Bravo, sir! It does make "cents" when you add it up! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': He can't be online! I searched through every file. :'''Riddler''': You searched the software. Had you bothered to examine the hardware you would have discovered a cordless modem line. :'''Riddler''': A pity you can't earn extra lives in this game.Quite an experience being riddled with questions, isn't it, Batman :'''Robin''': Batman don't open that door Crazy Intent means Loco Motion! Batman finds himself on a chessboard: :'''Riddler''':Only Batman can put the King in check and you have to move according to the rules or its the end of the day :'''Robin''':They call you the dark Knight..so you have to move like a knight (If Batman fails to move as a knight it'll be "KNightfall" (!) :'''Riddler''':Careful, vigilante, you know what they say, "Curiosity killed the Bat". :'''Batman''': Can you solve it? :'''Robin''': Are you kidding? You're looking at the guy who solved the Baxter's Box puzzle in 37 seconds! Course, this time I don't have a sledge hammer... After escaping Riddler Virtual realty Traps, Batman tries to rescue Gordon from Riddler :'''Batman''': You may control this world, Nygma, but I still control myself! :'''Riddler''': The name is "Riddler"! Edward Nygma doesn't exist anymore! You may recall that he was once fired by an ungrateful employer! That was a private matter and was meant to remain one! :'''Batman''': Attempted homicide is never a "private matter", Nygma! :'''Riddler''': No, but it would have been if you hadn't interfered and turned Edward Nygma into a fugitive! So I deleted Nygma. Just as I'm about to delete you, Batman. :'''Batman''':Tell me this.. Riddler how can you spread your conscious thirty-two times..and still have the concentration to keep your world together? YOU CAN'T! Batman saves Gordon :'''Riddler''': No....NO..... I can escape that easy...but if the Planet was equitable...I'd still have my old Job....No...wait...I'M ...not Ready.....AHHHHH' :'''Gordon''': But we'll never find him :'''Batman''': I think he left us a clue..."If the planet were equitable, I'd still have my old job". :'''Robin''': Of course. If the "World's Fair," I'd still have my "Ex-position". Oh, give me a break. [Batman, Robin and Gordon find Riddler mind trapped in his virtual realty world] :'''Batman''': Looks like he didn't escape his virtual reality in time. :'''Robin''': You mean he's been trapped inside his own program? :'''Batman''': Could be and how to get him out may be a riddle no one can solve. ===''I Am The Night'' [1.49]=== :'''Batman''': A weary body can be dealt with. But a weary spirit? That's something else. Sometimes, old friend, I wonder if I'm really doing any good out there. :'''Alfred''': How can you doubt it? The lives you've saved, the criminals you've brought to justice-- :'''Batman''': I've put out a few fires, yes. Won a few battles. But the war goes on, Alfred. On and on... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Leslie Thompkins''': You seem quieter than usual tonight. :'''Batman''': Every year, I come here and wonder if it should be the last time. If I should put the past behind me, try to lead a normal life. :'''Dr. Thompkins''': [[George Santayana|Santayana]] says, "Those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it." :'''Batman''': He also said a fanatic is someone who redoubles his efforts while losing sight of his goal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I chose this life. I use the night - I ''became'' the night. Sooner or later, I'll go down. It might be the Joker, or Two-Face, or just some punk who gets lucky. My decision, no regrets. But I can't let anyone else pay for my mistakes. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': "[[Friedrich Nietzsche|When you look too long into the abyss, the abyss looks back through you.]]" Maybe it's time for Batman to return to the night that spawned him, before anyone else gets hurt! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[grabs Wizard]'' Up to your old tricks, I see. How about returning that suitcase to its owner? :'''Wizard''': Hey, man, I ''am'' the owner. :''[Batman, surprised, lets him go]'' :'''Wizard''': Y'know, I was kinda hoping I'd run into you. I'd been in those places like where you left me before. Heard the rap, wasn't impressed. But this time, it made sense. Maybe I was ready to hear it. So I'm heading back home. I guess I kinda owe it to you, Batman. You probably saved my life. I'll bet you hear this all the time. Look, I'm gonna miss my bus, I'll see you around. And... thanks. :''[Batman smiles as he watches Wizard leave]'' ===''Off Balance'' [1.50]=== :'''[[w:Talia al Ghul|Talia]]''': My contact lenses! I lost them when we fell! They counter the distortion effect. Without them, I'm as helpless as you. :'''Batman''': I don't do helpless. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Ra's al Ghul|Ra's al Ghul]]''': So even in defeat, the detective manages to achieve some small measure of victory. As you said, detective: this is not over. ===''The Man Who Killed Batman'' [1.51]=== :'''Joker''': You know, there's just one thing bothering me about your story, Sid. No body. No BATUS DELECTI so to speak. We need to pull a job tonight just to make sure. :'''Murphy, Joker's henchman''': Make sure what, boss? :'''Joker''': ''[surprised by Murphy's question]'' Why that old Batsy's bought the cave of course, and one more thing Murphy.....''[turning more annoyed]'' don't ask stupid questions. ''[pushes Murphy to the hyenas who scratch and lick him crazily, to Joker's satisfaction]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': I'll get the mop. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': When the cops come, stall them for awhile, just until Batman arrives. '' Got it?'' :'''Henchman''': Right, boss. :'''Joker''': ''[to Murphy, still scarred from the hyenas]'' Any questions, Murph? :'''Murphy''': No sir! :'''Joker''': ''[to Sid The Squid]'' Good man. And if Batman hasn't ''really'' gone to his final reward, ''we'll'' see that he gets there! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Dear friends... today is the day the Clown cried. And he cries not for the passing of one man, but for the death of a dream. The dream that he would someday taste the ultimate victory over his hated enemy. For it was the Batman who made me the happy soul I am today. How I agonized over the perfect way to thank him for that. Perhaps with a cyanide pie in the face. Or an exploding whoopie-cushion playfully planted in the Batmobile. But those dreams were dashed by the weaselly little gunsel sitting there in our midst. The cowardly insignificant gonif who probably got lucky when Batman slipped on the slime trail this loser left behind him. This mound of diseased hyena filth who's not fit to lick the dirt from my spats...! But I digress. The time for sorrow has passed. It's time to look to a future filled with smiles. And I'll be smiling again just as soon as we take that man THERE...and slap him in that box THERE...and roll him into that vat of acid THERE! Well that was fun...who's for Chinese?! ===''Mudslide'' [1.52]=== :'''Clayface''': ''[After civilians flee in terror upon seeing his true form]'' That's right, run! Run for your measly lives! Run from Clayface! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Clayface''': You've upstaged me for the last time, Batman. Time to bring down the curtain! ===''Paging The Crime Doctor'' [1.53]=== :'''Rupert Thorne''': You think you iced the Batman, huh? Heh heh heh... Not on your best day, Jake! I'd cover my back if I were you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce Wayne''': Bruce Wayne, Dr. Thorne. Thomas Wayne's son. Did you get my letter? :'''[[w:Joseph Campanella|Matthew Thorne]]''': Yes. Thomas Wayne... :'''Bruce Wayne''': I told you I can help with your legal costs, maybe even put in a good word with the judge. :'''Matthew Thorne''': Yes, but what do you get out of it? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Well, there is something you can do for me. :'''Matthew Thorne''': I knew it! I knew there'd be a catch. Sorry, Mr. Wayne. Matthew Thorne is no longer for sale! :'''Bruce Wayne''': I'm not looking for any illegal favors. :'''Matthew Thorne''': What then? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Something you know. Something only you can give me. ''[pause]'' Tell me about my father. :''[Dr. Thorne grins and camera pans out as he ushers Bruce to resume his seat]'' ===''Zatanna'' [1.54]=== :'''[[w:Zatanna|Zatanna]]''': What do you care about some leggy dame in nylons- or have I just answered my own question? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zatanna''': ''[About Batman's mask]'' What happened that made you put this on? :'''Batman''': A painful memory, and a promise. ===''The Mechanic'' [1.55]=== :'''The Penguin''': ''[furious at his men for stealing the wrong stamps by mistake]'' These are terrible! Terrible! :'''Eagleton''': ''[indignant]'' Come on, boss. Give me a break. We got you the stamps. What more do you want? :'''The Penguin''': ''[tossing the worthless stamps angrily]'' I wanted the rare ones! The reversed Audubons! These aren't worth enough to pay for the repairs to the limousine. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Earl Cooper''': ''[sees the damaged Batmobile]'' You been letting the kid drive again? :'''Robin''': Ha ha. Actually we were playing chicken with a penguin. :'''Batman''': Or three of his men. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Penguin is scrubbing license plates in prison]'' :'''Penguin''': ''[reading one]'' "1 BAT 4U"?! ''[breaks it in anger]'' ===''Harley and Ivy'' [1.56]=== :'''Joker''': NO, we didn't get the diamond! The Dork Knight showed up before we even got to the museum! I had a great shot at him, too. Except... my dear little Harley Quinn handed me the wrong gun! :'''Harley Quinn''': But puddin', it was kinda funny watching you shoot at him with the bang flag! ''[Rocco and Henshaw can't help laughing then stifle it as the Joker glares at them]'' :'''Joker''': ''[turning back to Harley]'' Funny? You presume to tell me what I should think is funny?!? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[Poison Ivy trips the alarm, spoiling and hers and Harley Quinn's separate robberies]'' Nice going, butterfingers! Why not turn on the Bat-Signal while you're at it? :'''Poison Ivy''': I wasn't TRYING to get caught! :'''Harley Quinn''': Could've fooled me! Hey, aren't you that plant lady Poison Oakie? :'''Poison Ivy''': Ivy! Poison IVY, not Oakie! :'''Harley Quinn''': Sorry! Harley Quinn, please to meet ya! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Poison Ivy is about to give an injection to Harley Quinn]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': I hate shots! I hate shots! :'''Poison Ivy''': Now, now. You're not immune to poison like I am, and you won't last ten minutes here in Toxic Acres without my antidote. ''[gives the injection]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': Oooh! Whew, you'd think after livin' with Mr. J, I'd be used to a little pain. :'''Poison Ivy''': Why do you put up with that clown? :'''Harley Quinn''': Don't get me wrong. My puddin's a little rough sometimes, but he loves me, really. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[sarcastically]'' Sure he does. You're just one big, forgiving doormat, aren't you? :'''Harley Quinn''': I am NOT a doormat! ...Am I? :'''Poison Ivy''': If you had a middle name, it would be Welcome. But cheer up, kid. You just need some lessons in good old female self-esteem. In other words, let's play with the boys on ''our'' terms. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': That should keep you big strong men busy while we weak little girls loot your trophy room. :'''Harley Quinn''': Gee, Ives, you got style! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[sighs softly]'' No offense, Ives, but I'm not very hungry. Somehow I don't feel like my old perky self. Something's missing. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[angrily slams her form on Harley's plate]'' Will you stop?! I can't believe you're still mooning over that psychotic creep! :'''Harley Quinn''': Well, maybe I'd feel better if I knew he missed me, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': HARLEY!!! This place is going to blinking blue blazes! Anybody seen my socks?! '''HARLEY!!!''' ''[the hyenas snarl at Joker]'' OH!! They snapped at me! What's going on, Rock? This place is a mess, no one's fed the hyenas and I can't find my socks! Where's Harley?! :'''Rocko''': Y-y-ya canned her, boss. Remember? :'''Joker''': So? She's always come back before. :'''Rocko''': Gee... I guess ya ain't seen the papers then. :'''Joker''': Papers?! What are you babbling about?! ''[snatches the newspaper from Rocko and reads an article of Harley's partnership with Poison Ivy]'' '''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!''''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[to Poison Ivy]'' I remember when I would go driving like this with Mr. J. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[imitating Harley Quinn]'' "Mr. J, Mr. J." Oh, change the record, Harl! You wanna be some wacko's victim the rest of your life?! ===''Shadow Of The Bat Part 1'' [1.57]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[indignant after reading about James Gordon's arrest]'' We'll see about this. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara Gordon]]''': So Batman can't help me? Fine. Let's see what Batgirl can do! ===''Shadow Of The Bat Part 2'' [1.58]=== :'''Two-Face''': Don't get wise with me, Mason. Remember who got you set up as Gordon's assistant? :'''Gil Mason''': Right, Harvey, right. :'''Two-Face''': ''[grabs him]'' Don't call me that! It's TWO-FACE to you, pretty boy! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I should've known it would be Two-Face. It's a perfect two-part plan. He consolidates the gangs while Mason takes over the police. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Gil Mason is about to murder James Gordon to become commissioner, and later mayor]'' :'''Gil Mason''': It's business, Jim. Nothing personal. Matter of fact, I respect you, I do. But a fellow has to take his opportunities where he finds them. And with you out of the way, I'll be mayor inside of a year! :'''Gordon''': You're SICK, Gil! ''[glances at Two-Face]'' A lot sicker than him! At least I can see his bad half! :'''Mason''': Sorry you feel that way. At least you won't have to worry about Barbara. I'll take good care of her. She's very fond of me, you know. :'''Gordon''': You piece of scum! I may not be able to stop you, but I know someone who will! :'''Mason''': I wouldn't get your hopes up. You see, there's been a recent decline in the bat population... ===''Blind As A Bat'' [1.59]=== :'''Penguin''': Your aim appears to be a little off today, Batman. I don't think you could hit the broad side of a barn, let alone the broad side of this bird! You're blind as a bat. Sightless and helpless. :'''Batman''': You've got ''one'' right. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': You have a call on your private line. :'''Bruce''': Then let's go! :'''Alfred''': In your condition, sir? :'''Bruce''': If you think a little inconvenience like this is going to stop me... :''[he knocks over a lamp]'' :'''Alfred''': Indeed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': ''[contacting Mayor Hill's office from the Raven]'' Quite a machine, this Raven. Amazing what its communications equipment can do. Don't you agree? You've received my instructions? :'''Mayor Hill''': They arrived by messenger this morning. You know, one-hundred million is a a lot of money. It'll take time to raise that much. :'''Penguin''': You're stalling, Hill. Obviously, you're not taking me seriously. I've warned you not to make that mistake. Apparently, I'll have to show you why. :''[shuts off communication and Hill angrily snaps his pencil in half]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Hill''': Just what I was afraid of. According to the controller's office, we can't come close to putting that ransom together. Not without shutting down basic municipal services. :'''Detective Bullock''': So what other options do we got? :'''Batman''': ''[emerging from the shadows]'' None, gentlemen. Which is why you're going to do exactly what the Penguin wants you to. ===''The Demon's Quest Part 1'' [1.60]=== :'''Ra's al Ghul''': As [[W:Napoleon|Napoleon]] told me, "A strong will can fuel a frail physique." <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Look at it, detective. One of the last of the rainforests. The world depends upon its oxygen, yet the rich see only profit in its destruction. You, who belong to the overclass, have much to answer for. :'''Batman''': Bruce Wayne donates millions of dollars a year to preserve these forests. :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Which are being depleted at the rate of 120,000 acres a day. Does your money solve this problem? No! It will take more than wealth. It will take power, and I fear, ruthlessness. Humankind must be forced to serve the planet instead of its own appetites. :'''Batman''': And you're the one who'll do the forcing? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': I am... qualified, yes. But I may not have sufficient lifetimes left to me. ===''The Demon's Quest Part 2'' [1.61]=== :'''Ubu''': Infidel! :'''Batman''': If you only knew how sick I am of you calling me that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ra's al Ghul''': The material of the Pit is an unknown chemical stew that bubbles to the Earth's surface only in certain key places. Even now, my people are placing bombs, such as that one, over the various Lazarus Pits around the world. These bombs are electronically linked to a private satellite already in Earth orbit. :'''Batman''': ''Orpheus''. :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Precisely. And at the moment when sun and moon are in proper alignment to cause the greatest upheaval in Earth's geomagnetic field, I shall send a signal to that satellite, beginning a countdown. Five minutes thereafter, one bomb will be lowered deep into the heart of each Pit. The satellite will in turn relay a microwave signal that will detonate all the bombs simultaneously. The multiple explosions will result in a global chain reaction. All the Lazarus Pits throughout the world will overflow. The globe will be saturated with their chemical solution, and when the resultant cataclysm has abated, there will come a blessed peace, and this poor, defiled planet shall find itself restored to its former pristine glory. :'''Batman''': But that will cost countless lives! :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Actually, Detective, we ''have'' counted: Two billion, fifty-six million, nine hundred and eighty-six thousand! A most impressive plan, would you not agree? :'''Batman''': Yes... I can see it clearly now for the first time. You are completely out of your mind. ===''His Silicon Soul'' [1.62]=== :'''Rossum''': You don't understand. You're not a man's mind in a robot's body. You're a robot. Period. :'''Bat-Duplicant''': You're lying! It's not possible! I know my family and friends! I remember names, faces, birthdays! I have memories! A past! :'''Rossum''': You have information. Data. Nothing more. Do you remember your first kiss? Your favorite song? The last time you tasted a really good steak? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[about the duplicant]'' Could it be it had a soul, Alfred? A soul of silicon, but a soul nonetheless. ===''Fire From Olympus'' [1.63]=== :'''Stavros''': Please! It's not what you think. I wasn't going to say anything. Honest! :'''[[w:Maxie Zeus|Maximillion "Maxie" Zeus]]''': Silence! First, you transgress against me. Then, you force me to descend to the mortal plane. And now, you tell me I know not what I think?! :'''Stavros''': No! :'''Zeus''': To the depths of Tartarus with you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zeus''': You bore me with these tales of petty human concerns. :'''Clio''': ''[annoyed]'' You're doing it again, Max. :'''Zeus''': You are Clio, my muse of history. Amuse me with tales of ancient times when mortals trembled at the name of Zeus. :'''Clio''': You want a story? I got one. Seems there was this guy named Max who, because he'd been lucky so far in the smuggling racket, believed himself to be untouchable, superior, godlike... :'''Zeus''': There's a cynical edge to your voice I don't appreciate. Know you not, I am above mortal constraints of right and wrong? :'''Clio''': No one is above the law, Max. :'''Zeus''': I make my own laws! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zeus''': Begone, Lord [[w:Hades|Hades]]. Get thee back to thine own realm. Do not come again to Olympus until bidden! :'''Batman''': I think I get the message. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Clio''': ''[telling Batman about Zeus]'' He wasn't always this way, you know. But then business got bad and he started handling cargo for the mob. After a while, with the pressure, the tension... things got confused. He's not living in the real world anymore. ''[awkwardly]'' Maybe you can relate to that? :'''Batman''': ''[after a short silence]'' You're the only one who can get me close enough to help him - while some of the man you knew still exists. ===''Read My Lips'' [1.64]=== :'''Batman''': How do you think I found this place? The phone book? I had help. ''Inside'' help. :'''[[w:Ventriloquist (comics)|Scarface]]''': My premonition! I knew I was right! Which one of you louses is it?! :'''Rhino''': It ain't me boss! :'''Scarface''': I know it ain't you, Rhino! You're too stupid to be a traitor! :'''Rhino''': Thanks, boss. :'''Scarface''': But whoever it is, they're gonna pay big time! Who is it?! You don't talk, you get the ultimate massage! :'''Batman''': And if I tell? :'''Scarface''': Maybe you just get run over by a truck. :'''Batman''': Tempting, but no. :'''Scarface''': Have it your way. Rhino! :''[Rhino gets ready to pull the lever to lower Batman to a pit of mannequins with razor-sharp fingernails]'' :'''Batman''': Hold it! :'''Scarface''': This is gettin' old, Bats. Last chance, who's the traitor? :'''Batman''': Him! The Ventriloquist! :''[everyone glares at the Ventriloquist]'' :'''Ventriloquist''': No, no! He's lying! I told you when he came into my room! :'''Scarface''': So what? Maybe you did 'cause I had ya cornered. Heard ya talkin' to Batman. :'''Batman''': ''[uses his own ventriloquism to imitate the Ventriloquist]'' Shut up, you blockhead! :'''Scarface''': WHAT DID YOU SAY?! :'''Ventriloquist''': It wasn't me! I didn't say that! My lips didn't move! :'''Scarface''': So what?! You're a ventriloquist! You're also a lyin' yellow liver-bellied two-face! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, Scarface! I'm loyal! I'd never! :'''Batman''': He's been feeding me information, in return for legal protection. ''[imitates the Ventriloquist again]'' You're going up the river, sawdust-for-brains! :'''Scarface''': Why, I oughta...! Waste the floor-flusher! Come on, I gave an order! ICE HIM! DO IT! DO IT NOW! :'''Muggsy''': But, boss, we ventilate the Ventriloquist, your, y'know... :'''Scarface''': I'M SURROUNDED BY TRAITORS! Okay, fine. Ya want something done right, do it yourself! ''[aims his gun at the Ventriloquist]'' ===''The Worry Men'' [1.65]=== :'''Veronica''': If ever someone led a worry-free life, it's you, Bruce Wayne. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce''': Tell me, Alfred: what's an ancient Mayan witch doctor doing on a Gotham skyscraper? :'''Alfred''': This isn't one of those Riddler questions, is it? :'''Bruce''': No, but it's just as confusing. <hr width="50%"/> :''[As Batman attempts to escape from his guillotine]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Oh, you're a clever one! But I will not be denied! As the great [[w:Lewis Carroll|Lewis Carroll]] said: "[[w:Jabberwocky|One, two, one, two, and through and through the vorpal blade went snicker-snack! He left it dead, and with its head, he went galumphing back!]]" <hr width="50%"/> :''[Freed from his mind control, the Mad Hatter's jaguar gang turn on him]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Stop! :'''Shaman''': Yes, stop. Leave him to the police. :'''Mad Hatter''': Thank you. Thank you, you generous, forgiving, ''[draws a gun from his hat]'' noble fool! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': I must say, after all the Hatter put him through, that fellow showed remarkable restraint. :'''Bruce''': When everything was said and done, all the shaman really wanted was to go home. In fact, I hear he even sent the Hatter a farewell gift. :''[The Hatter is seen tossing and turning in bed in Arkham]'' :'''Bruce''': Something to ensure that Jervis Tetch only dreams of a good honest life from now on. :''[A Batman doll is revealed from under the Hatter's pillow]'' ==Season 2== ===''Sideshow'' [2.1]=== :'''Killer Croc''': You know, there's something the brains back at the joint didn't think about. :'''Prison Guard''': Yeah, what's that? :'''Killer Croc''': Crocodile's got the strongest jaws of any animal around. ''[bites his handcuffs in half]'' :'''Prison Guard''': ''[spits the coffee out of his mouth and pins Croc with the shotgun]'' Get back! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman arrives with his shadow. Goliath wakes up and Batman covers Goliath's mouth by calming him down]'' :'''Batman''': Calm down, I won't hurt you. I'm just looking for someone: half man, half crocodile. ''[Goliath looks over worriedly]'' He's in there, isn't he? :'''Goliath''': ''[Pushes Batman to the cage]'' No! Stay away! ''[Holds him against it]'' He's one of us. Croc, run! :'''Batman''': ''[Kicks Goliath into the stomach]'' I don't wanna hurt you. :'''Goliath''': Don't worry, you won't. ''[Hits Batman with the big punch and Batman and Goliath starts fighting]'' :'''Killer Croc''': ''[Comes out of the house]'' You. ''[Gives Batman a spear]'' :'''Billy''': Richard, help! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Billy the Seal Boy''': Why, Croc? Why'd you turn on us like that? We could have helped you, we could have done something. :'''Killer Croc''': You said you can be yourself out here, remember? Well, I guess that's what I was doing - being myself. ===''A Bullet For Bullock'' [2.2]=== :'''Bullock''': Let's get something straight from the get-go. I think you're a freak and a menace, and those are your ''good'' points. But the commish says you serve a purpose, so I go along. :'''Batman''': I appreciate your honesty. What's the problem? :'''Bullock''': Somebody's got it in for me. Tried to give me a fender massage last night. It ain't the first time. Last week too. :'''Batman''': Any suspects? :'''Bullock''': So many, they could have their own zip code. I've put a lot of guys away, and they hate me for it. Looks like one of them hates me enough to do something about it. :'''Batman''': Why me? Why not just go to the department? :'''Bullock''': I step on a lot of toes. I don't want Internal Affairs looking at me too close. They might find some things I don't want found. :'''Batman''': Are you on the take? :'''Bullock''': Watch it, freak! I never took a dime from nobody! I just bend the rules a little sometimes, you understand. We're not all that different. :'''Batman''': We're on the same side, but we're ''not'' the same. I'll help you find out who's after you, but you've got to collar them clean. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': We ''are'' speaking of the same person, are we not? Harvey Bullock? The detective who looks like an unmade bed? :'''Batman''': The same. :'''Alfred''': He came to ''you'' for help? It must be serious. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Montoya''': Bullock? You okay? You don't look so good. I mean, you never look good, but today you look worse. :'''Bullock''': After fifteen years working in this cesspool, I'd like to see how good ''you'' look! <hr width="50%"/> :''[In the Batmobile]'' :'''Bullock''': Nice starship you got here. What's this for? ''[points towards a button]'' :'''Batman''': Passenger ejector seat. :''[Bullock withdraws nervously, while Batman smirks slightly]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bullock''': By the way, I still think you're a freak, but... thanks. ===''Trial'' [2.3]=== :'''Two-Face''': Basic fifty-fifty option. You get him off, you both go free. He goes down, you take the fall with him. :'''Mad Hatter''': Amusing idea, what? Kidnapping you to be Batman's attorney? :'''Two-Face''': Personally, I suggested a quick slug between the eyes... but I lost the coin toss. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarface''': Court is now in session! The Good People of Arkham Asylum vs. the Self-Righteous Vigilante Called Batman! Our prosecutor is ready, likewise our fair and impartial jury. :'''Mad Hatter''': Hang him! :'''Harley''': Shoot him! :'''Killer Croc''': Hit him with a rock! :'''Scarface''': And now, all rise for the most honorable, most benevolent, most merciful Judge Joker! :'''Joker''': GUILTY! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I was promised a chance to defend my client! :'''Joker''': Oh, very well. Like it'll make a difference. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I suppose that you, like your friends, claim that Batman ''drove'' you to be a criminal? :'''Mad Hatter''': He did. :'''Janet Van Dorn''': And yet, as I recall in your case, you brainwashed and kidnapped a woman who rejected you. :'''Mad Hatter''': Batman forced me to do it! He was going to take her away from me! I had no choice! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': You could have respected her wishes and left her alone. :'''Mad Hatter''': I'D HAVE KILLED HER FIRST! ''[gasps and covers his mouth, then turns to the Joker]'' I'd like that last statement stricken from the record, please. :'''Joker''': Record? Is someone supposed to be writing this down? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': And so it's Batman's fault you lead a life of crime? :'''Poison Ivy''': He should have let me bump off Harvey Dent. We'd all have been better off - wouldn't we, Harv? :'''Two-Face''': ''[muttering while flipping his coin]'' Why, you rotten little... :'''Janet Van Dorn''': But Miss Isley, isn't the real motivation for your crimes your obsession with plants? That you prefer them to people? :'''Poison Ivy''': I love plants, honey, but a rose is a rose. :'''Janet Van Dorn''': Then it doesn't bother you when someone, let's say the judge here, ''[plucks the flower from the Joker's robe]'' ruthlessly ''plucks'' a defenceless flower from the warm green earth? :'''Poison Ivy''': No! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': Even knowing he's given it his death sentence? That its petals must die? ''[starts pulling its petals out]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': Stop it...! :'''Poison Ivy''': One by one, withering, falling. One by one till it's all gone, ''honey.'' :''[She crushes the flower so that it crumbles apart. Ivy shrieks with rage and attacks her, and the Scarecrow and Mad Hatter rush in to restrain her]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Miss Ivy, please! :'''Scarface''': You look beautiful when you're angry. :''[Ivy smacks the Ventriloquist in the face, and Scarface laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I used to believe Batman was responsible for you people. But now I see nearly everyone here would have ended up exactly the same, Batman or not. Oh, the gimmicks might be different, but you'd all be out there in some form or another bringing misery to Gotham. The truth is, ''you'' created ''him.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Well done, counsellor. You've proven that Batman ''didn't'' create us - that we, in fact, messed up our own rotten lives! And as we are so rotten, vile and depraved... we're going to waste you anyway! :''[The inmates cheer and close in on Batman and Janet]'' :'''Joker''': [[w:Porky Pig|A-bi-a-bi-a-bi, that's all, folks!]] ''[bangs down a rubber chicken]'' Let's mambo! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I see now there's a need for the things you do. But I'm still going to work towards a city that doesn't need Batman. :'''Batman''': ''[smiling]'' Me too. ===''Avatar'' [2.4]=== :'''Lucius Fox''': Without a doubt, this will be one of the best museum exhibitions Gotham City has ever seen. You can be quite the humanitarian on occasion, Bruce. It's commendable. It's inspiring. :'''Bruce''': It's deductible. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce''': You've got a serious priority problem, Ra's. What can be in that tomb that's more valuable than the love of your daughter? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Power, detective. The power once held by almighty Thoth-Khepera, Queen of Two Continents. :'''Bruce''': You surprise me, Ra's. The world's oldest chauvinist chasing after a woman? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Thoth-Khepera was not simply a woman, detective, nor merely a ruler. Through her flowed the power of the gods. With no more than a gesture, she controlled the force of life and death, and with it, she kept a nation under her thumb for one thousand years. :'''Bruce''': You sound like a bad Saturday afternoon serial, Ra's. This is sheer nonsense. :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': No, detective - I know there is a power there to be tapped! My six hundred years of life are proof of that power. :''[Bruce and Talia are trapped in a glass booth]'' :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Farewell, detective. Farewell, Talia. It is said that one finds one's immortality in one's offspring. Alas, I know that to be a lie. ===''House and Garden'' [2.5]=== :'''Batman''': She's done nothing more incriminating than return an overdue video - even paid the late fee. :'''Alfred''': Could it be Ivy truly has reformed? :'''Batman''': I want to believe it. Why can't I? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You haven't changed a bit. :'''Poison Ivy''': Yes, I have. I meant it when I said I wanted a family that loves me. I just wanted it on my terms. :'''Robin''': Lady, you're nuts! :'''Poison Ivy''': Well, that's ''your'' opinion. Probably the last one you'll ever have, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': I'm just sorry she got away. :'''Batman''': Me too, Robin. But I don't think we'll see her again anytime soon. :''[The real Ivy is shown escaping on a plane out of Gotham, looking through a scrapbook]'' :'''Batman''': Ivy lost everything she had, everything she said she ever wanted. For what it's worth, I believed her when she told me that for the first time in her life... she was happy. :''[Ivy sheds tears as she looks at a photo of her wedding]'' ===''The Terrible Trio'' [2.6]=== :'''Warren''': Is this all you do for kicks, Bruce? Charity work? :'''Bruce''': Well, I do have a night life. Pull! ''[shoots down a clay pigeon]'' Besides, it's important to help others. It may sound corny, but hey, it's how I feel. :'''Warren''': You must recognize that you are a superior animal, Bruce. A member of the elite. Pull! ''[shoots down another clay pigeon]'' Take my Delta brothers and me. Why, we've run with the bulls! :'''Armand''': Shot game from hot air balloons! :'''Gunther''': Killed a great white! :'''Warren''': We've done it all. Ah, therein lies the problem. After all, what do the rajas do when there are no more tigers to hunt? :'''Bruce''': I'm sure you'll think of something, Warren. ''[leaves]'' :'''Warren''': Dollar for dollar, that has to be the dullest man in Gotham City. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Scoundrels like these are worse than the Joker. At least he's got madness as an excuse! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Let's go, Fox. You've raided your last chicken coop. :'''Warren''': Wait, wait a minute! We can make a deal! A million dollars to let me go! ''Ten'' million! Think about it. Buys a lot of Batarangs! :'''Batman''': ''[unimpressed]'' Your money's no good here. :'''Warren''': Okay, fine! Go ahead, take me in, hero! I've got every judge in town in my pocket! You'll see! I'll get justice! The best that money can buy! :''[Next, Warren is seen being ushered into a cell at Stonegate, where his burly new cellmate gives him a menacing look]'' ===''Harlequinade'' [2.7]=== :'''Harley''': ''[in handcuffs]'' I sense a lack of trust. :'''Robin''': Are you sure you don't need help keeping Zippy under control? :''[Harley picks the lock on her cuffs while Batman speaks]'' :'''Batman''': I'm fine. Besides, I need you to be ready if Gordon's men get any leads. I'll signal if there's trouble. :'''Robin''': You got it. :'''Harley''': I wanna listen to the radio! ''[reaches for the controls]'' :'''Batman''': DON'T--! :''[Harley Quinn deploys a parachute, causing the Batmobile to swerve wildly. When the Batmobile stops, Batman is furious]'' :'''Harley''': ''[timidly]'' Oops... :'''Batman''': Listen, and listen good. You don't touch anything, say anything, or DO ANYTHING UNLESS I TELL YOU! GOT IT?! :'''Harley''': Yes, sir. :'''Batman''': ''[turns away, Harley begins making faces at him]'' So far, Joker hasn't been seen in any of his old hideouts. I want you to show me the last place he used when he escaped. ''[catches her making a face, which she replaces with a sheepish grin]'' :'''Harley''': Okay! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Instead of taking you, the cops, and the Batman down separately? I'm gonna blast you all at once! ''[takes out his phone and speaks into it]'' Send down the plane, boys! We're blowing town! Literally. ''[gets off the phone]'' :'''Mayor''': But all those innocent people... :'''Joker''': Some joke on them, eh? Think of it as the ultimate punchline! Ha ha ha ha ha! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': It's lucky you were here, Quinn. The countdown sequence didn't leave Joker enough time to swing by Arkham and pick you up. :'''Joker''': Quiet, brat. :'''Harley''': You ''were'' gonna come for me, weren't you, Puddin'? :'''Joker''': Of course, pumpkin-pie! It's just that... well, here you are, so I can, err, save myself the trip! :'''Harley''': But what about all our friends, Ivy and Two-Face and... Hat-Guy and Lizard-Man and Puppet-Head and-- ''[Joker shoves her into the plane]'' :'''Joker''': What about them? :'''Batman''': Don't forget your little pets! :'''Harley''': ''[gasps]'' The babies! We can't leave the babies! :'''Joker''': ''[shoves Harley into the plane again]'' I'll buy you a goldfish! Let's go! :'''Harley''': ''[struggling]'' NO! :'''Joker''': Why, you little...! :''[Harley kicks him in the face]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley''': ''[points the gun against Joker]'' Freeze, clown! :'''Batman''': Quinn, stop! :'''Harley''': He's mine, Bats! :'''Joker''': ''[grinning]'' You wouldn't dare. You don't have the guts! Not in a million years would you-- :''[Harley pulls the trigger - and a flag that reads "Rat-Tat-Tat" comes out of the barrel. The Joker stares at her for a moment, and throws his arms wide to embrace her]'' :'''Joker''': Baby, you're the greatest! ===''Time Out Of Joint'' [2.8]=== :'''Mayor Hill''': You! How did you get past-- :'''The Clock King''': Good evening, Mayor! Nice to see you again too. And whose life are you ruining now? A poor pensioner? A malnourished orphan, perhaps? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Hill''': Please, Fugate, don't hurt me! :'''The Clock King''': If it's any comfort, my revenge will encompass more than just you. I intend to pass a most timely sentence on the entire judicial system. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': It's a shame that you've decided to keep this device a secret. :'''Dr. Wataki''': It would seem that the world is not quite ready for it yet. :'''Robin''': Gee, that's too bad for Fugate. I'm sure he'll wish he had something to make the days pass quicker where he's going. ===''Catwalk'' [2.9]=== :'''Scarface''': Calm down, pussycat. We're all friends here. ''[to the Ventriloquist]'' Dummy, don't keep our pretty guest in the dark. :'''Ventriloquist''': Yes, sir, Mr. Scarface. ''[turns on the lot, revealing him and Scarface]'' :'''Scarface''': Ah, that's better. :'''Selina Kyle''': ''[gasps]'' You gotta be kidding! ''[laughs]'' :'''Scarface''': What's she laughin' at? My fly ain't open, is it?! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, sir. :'''Scarface''': So what's the gag? :'''Selina Kyle''': Oh come on, you know! ''[in a goofy voice]'' "What's the gag?" :'''Scarface''': ''[aims his gun at Selina]'' Can it, sister! This is Scarface you're dealing with, and I don't stand for no disrespect. :'''Ventriloquist''': I'd do as he says, ma'am. Mr. Scarface can be quite insistent. :'''Scarface''': I don't think anyone's talking to you! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, sir. No, sir. :'''Selina Kyle''': Right... so, what do you want with me? :'''Scarface''': My boys happened to be in the museum when they saw your little set-to with Miss Ronnie V. They also seen you licking your whiskers at the sight of Ronnie's pretty sparklers. :'''Selina Kyle''': You're boring me, log. :''[the Ventrloquist pulls out an envelope from his coat]'' :'''Scarface''': So what if I could provide you with a foolproof plan to snatchin' those rocks with no risk of you gettin' caught? :'''Selina Kyle''': Pass. Kitty's been staying it at night. It's not the greatest, but it beats the pound, if you know what I mean. :'''Scarface''': Now, that's a darn shame. And I thought for sure you'd want a chance to get even with the Vreelands. Not just for yourself, ya understand, but for all those poor little stuffed critters what never had the chance to fight back. :'''Selina Kyle''': Oh, barf. :'''Scarface''': It's a 50/50 cut. Take it or leave it? You in or what? :''[Selina thinks about it for a while then picks up the envelope]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': What a pleasant surprise. Though I should warn you - breaking and entering is against the law. :'''Batman''': You would know. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarface''': [[w:Tweety|I thawt I thaw a putty tat!]] <hr width="50%"/> :''[Catwoman crushes Scarface under some logs]'' :'''Catwoman''': That's one way to remove a splinter. What's wrong, Ventriloquist? Cat got your tongue? :'''Ventriloquist''': Please, I never hurt you! Scarface, he's another person, not me, really! :'''Catwoman''': But he's inside you somewhere. And I'm going to keep scratching until I find him. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': [[w:Just So Stories|I am the cat who walks by herself.]] ===''Bane'' [2.10]=== :'''Thorne''': You almost didn't get paid. You're lucky these diamonds didn't get nabbed in the smuggling bust. :'''[[w:Bane (comics)|Bane]]''': No, Mr. Thorne. You are the lucky one. ''[He punches the punching bag across the room]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': He wrecked my car, Alfred. Between two guys, that's ''real'' personal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bane''': Toys. You try to fight me with pathetic little TOYS. You've got nothing! Beg for mercy! SCREAM MY NAME! :'''Batman''': Never. :'''Bane''': You are beaten! Now I will break you! ===''Baby-Doll'' [2.11]=== :'''Robin''': ''[on "Love That Baby"]'' I remember this show from when I was a kid. It still stinks. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At Wayne Manor, Summer Gleeson is on the telephone talking to Marv Wolfman at her office.]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': I don't care what Mayor Hill says. The people have a right to know, and if he won't talk to us-- ''[Batman drops a photo of Baby-Doll onto her desk]'' I'll call you back, Marv. ''[to Batman and Robin]'' Since when are you interested in has-been actors? :'''Batman''': Since that one's been kidnapping her co-stars. :'''Summer Gleeson''': You're serious? :'''Robin''': She's been picking them off, one by one. Any reason she'd have a grudge? :'''Summer Gleeson''': Actually, ''they'' should hate ''her.'' Dahl put them all out of work when she quit the series to become a "dramatic" actress. :''[Summer plays a video of Mary Dahl playing Lady Macbeth]'' :'''Mary Dahl''': What, will these hands never be clean? Here's the smell of the blood still. All the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand. :'''Robin''': Pee-yew! :'''Summer Gleeson''': That's what the critics said. Baby's dramatic career flopped, and when she tried to start her TV show again, the networks turned her down. :'''Batman''': That still doesn't explain why she's after her old cast. :'''Robin''': ''[picks up a cassette]'' Maybe there's a clue in these old episodes. :'''Summer Gleeson''': You can borrow them if you want. And when you crack the case, you can pay me back with an exclusive... ''[turns to see that they have gone]'' interview. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': Naughty, naughty, Daddys! Mustn't yell at your Baby like thats. :'''Tod Baker''': You're not my daughter, and we're not a family! We're actors, remember?! You cancelled our show because you whined you weren't getting enough attention! :'''Baby-Doll''': ''[putting on a sad face]'' But I knows now I made a boo-boo! ''[sniffles and breaks character]'' It was hard for me out there. I studied and trained and auditioned, but no one wanted me. ''[plays the sound of a crowd going "Aww..." on her tape recorder]'' Over the years, I remembered how happy I was with all of you around me, and the folks at home watching me each week. Me, ''[goes back into her "cute" voice]'' Baby-Doll! ''[giggles]'' Now I'm Baby for good, and everyone will love me agains! Hugs, hugs! :''[Her goons force the actors to share a hug with her, and she plays the "Aww..." again]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': ''[watching episodes of Baby Doll's old TV show]'' Remember that time Poison Ivy nearly smothered us in those vines, with the ''really'' sharp thorns? :'''Batman''': Yes. :'''Robin''': This is worse. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': ''[after her TV brother is rendered unconscious by her bodyguard]'' Sorry I had to play roughs, Tippy. I didn't mean to. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': ''[Mariam kicks Robin around]'' Wow, lady! You're good! :'''Mariam''': It's a living... <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman pursues Baby-Doll in a funhouse tunnel maze]'' :'''Baby-Doll''': Silly Mr. Batman can't catch me! :'''Batman''': Don't run away! I know you're scared, confused - I can help you! :'''Baby-Doll''': Liar, liar, cape on fire! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': Game's over, Mr. Batman! ''[laughs]'' I WIN! ''[Batman fires his grappling gun, knocking the doll-gun down a slide]'' No fair! ''[runs to retrieve it, and stumbles into a room full of fun-house mirrors. Picks up the gun, wandering through the various distorted reflections, until she comes to one that shows her as an adult]'' Look! That's me in there. The ''real'' me! There I am... ''[touches the reflection, and her face changes]'' ...But it's not ''really'' real, is it? Just... made up and pretend, like my family and my life and everything else! ''[turns to face Batman, who stands behind her]'' '''''WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST LET ME MAKE-BELIEVE?!''''' ''[fires at mirrors, and cries after breaking the mirror with her adult reflection. Batman approaches her]'' I didn't ''mean'' to... ===''The Lion And The Unicorn'' [2.12]=== :''[Alfred breaks a chair over a thug's head.]'' :'''Robin''': And here all I thought you dusted was furniture. :'''Alfred''': A [[w:Louis XV|Louis Quinze]]; what a pity. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred Pennyworth''': ''[after being drugged with a truth serum]'' You'll get nothing but gibberish out of me, madam. I come from haunts of cootenfern and knicker sudden Sally. Uh... dee-dum dee-dum dee-dum dee-dum, and bicker down the valley. :'''Red Claw''': And people wonder why no one takes Britain seriously anymore. ===''Showdown'' [2.13]=== :'''Sheriff''': Well, well. Jonah Hex, his own bad self. Been here five minutes and you ain't killed nobody nor set nothin' on fire. Slippin', ain't you? :'''[[w:Jonah Hex|Jonah Hex]]''': I'm still a little bushed. :'''Sheriff''': Fact is, you look a little past it, Hex. Not tired, just all used up. :'''Hex''': Well, when I get pushed, I can still shoot a fly out from between its wings. Provided the light's right, of course... and it's a big ''plump'' fly. :''[The sheriff glances down at his own portly figure. Two other bargoers retreat outside, sensing trouble.]'' :'''Sheriff''': I ain't got nothin' on you, Hex... yet. Just remember, them wanted posters say "dead or alive". You might try "alive" this time. :'''Hex''': First time for everything. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duvall''': It would appear we have ourselves a government spy. A rather disreputable-looking one at that. Well, Mr. Spy, I'd say your plan has failed, and the railroad is doomed. :'''Hex''': I ain't no spy! I'm Jonah Hex, and I don't give a tinker's cuss about no railroad. I've come to get ''you'', Arkady Duvall, on account of what you done to that girl back east. :'''Duvall''': ''[chuckles]'' You mean to say, you've tracked me across ''twelve states'' because of that? :'''Hex''': Well, there's also the matter of a 200 dollar reward. That part don't hurt my feelings none. :'''Duvall''': You're either a liar or a fool. :'''Hex''': I've been known to be foolish, but ain't ''nobody'' calls me a liar and goes to bed happy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hex''': Now! Let's you and me dance. :'''Duvall''': You cannot defeat me. I am a Heidelberg fencing champion. :'''Hex''': My heart's all a-flutter. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duvall''': Five thousand in gold, take it. Leave me be. :'''Hex''': It ain't about money, boy. It's about justice. And I aim to serve you some. :'''Duvall''': Let me live, please! :'''Hex''': I will. Only because it's too much trouble to haul your stinkin' carcass back east. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You left Duvall to his fate a century ago. Why come back for him now? :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Did you really think, detective, that in my six hundred years of life, I would have sired only ''one'' offspring? Even before the Phoenix debacle, I had come to realize that Arkady was too unbalanced and cruel to wisely rule my empire. :'''Batman''': But you couldn't forget about him. :'''Ra's al Ghul''': What father can ever forget his son? Come now, detective, I've still a few good years left. We will cross swords another day. But for now, let me take my boy home. ===''Riddler's Reform'' [2.14]=== :''[After learning about the theft of historical antiquities on TV]'' :'''Riddler''': ''[in Bruce's memory]'' Those are things of the past, Batman. Ancient history that's gone now. I'm a new man! But you probably won't figure that out before it's too late! ''[laughs]'' :'''Bruce''': ''He'' did it. :'''Dick''': Who? :'''Bruce''': The Riddler. Remember what he said: "Things of the past." "Ancient history that's gone now." Look! :'''Dick''': Gee, I don't know. His riddles aren't usually that subtle. Besides, he's got a multimillion dollar deal with that toy company. Why would he throw it away over some stupid riddle crime? :'''Bruce''': Because that's the way his warped mind works. He's obsessed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': He's right, you know. :'''Manny''': Who? :'''Riddler''': Batman. He ''is'' going to catch me, sooner or later. :'''Manny''': Gee, boss, you're scaring me. You're talking kinda crazy. :'''Riddler''': DON'T YOU ''EVER'' CALL ME THAT! I fooled the police, the doctors, the Parole Board - all of them! There's only one person who's ever been able to challenge me: ''BATMAN!'' He's the only one worthy of the game! :'''Manny''': But you said sooner or later he's gonna catch you. What are you gonna do? :'''Riddler''': I'm never going back to Arkham! So I guess there's only one thing to do! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': Hello, Batman. This is it: the end of the game. I'm a little sad actually. You were a worthy opponent. But then, I told you I'd make a ''killing'' at the Toy Fair! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': ''[ranting in a cell in Arkham]'' It's IMPOSSIBLE, I tell you! Impossible! My trap was perfect! How did he do it?! I have to know! SOMEBODY TELL ME! IT'S NOT FAIR! THERE WAS NO WAY, I TELL YOU! NO WAY HE COULD HAVE GOTTEN OUT! SOMEBODY TELL ME! DO YOU HEAR ME?! SOMEBODY TELL ME HOW HE DID IT! I HAVE TO KNOW! '''''I HAVE TO KNOOOOOOOOOW!!!''''' ===''Second Chance'' [2.15]=== :'''Penguin''': And what might ''you'' be doing out there? Catching insects for dinner? :'''Batman''': I'm looking for Two-Face. :'''Penguin''': What, did you lose him? ''[chuckles]'' :'''Batman''': Somebody kidnapped him from Gotham Central tonight. You and he had a disagreement sometime ago, didn't you? :'''Penguin''': It's true. Harvey stole a rare ''avis'' right out from under my beak several months ago. A jewel-encrusted statuette of a two-headed [[w:roc (mythology)|roc]]. It was worth millions. But, my dear rodent, I'd never kidnap a fellow rogue out of his sickbed. It just isn't done. :'''Batman''': Honour among thieves? :'''Penguin''': Absolutely. If I were going to attack Harvey, I'd do it face to face... to face, heh, so to speak. Like THIS! ''[laughs and unleashes his birds on Batman]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You may as well come out. I know everything now. :''[A man emerges, his identity obscured by shadows]'' :'''Batman''': You hated Harvey Dent, and would do anything to destroy him. :''[Lightning flashes, revealing the man to be Two-Face himself]'' :'''Two-Face''': Why not? He was going to destroy me. Just like I'm going to destroy you! ''[attacks him]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Harvey, pull yourself up! :'''Harvey''': I can't! I'll drop the coin! :'''Batman''': Drop it! Save yourself! :'''Harvey''': I... I don't know what to do. The coin won't tell me! :'''Batman''': It can't tell you anything! I switched coins when you grabbed me! :'''Robin''': ''[swings and kicks the thugs out of Batman's way]'' Good thing I decided to tag along after all. :'''Batman''': It's a trick coin! It'll always land on edge! It's ''your'' decision now, Harvey! Life or death? The coin or me? :''[Robin threw the batarang to hit the elevator button to send the thug in an elevator, thunderstruck and Harvey/Two-Face decided to drops the coin]'' :'''Harvey''': Batman, help me. :''[Batman tries to give Harvey a hand, but Two-Face suddenly regains control]'' :'''Two-Face''': Never! ''[punches Batman and falls]'' :'''Batman''': ''HARVEY!!!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harvey''': ''[seen in half-shadow, making him appear to once again be Harvey Dent instead of Two-Face]'' Bruce? Good old Bruce. Always there. You never give up on me. :''[Bruce Wayne smiles and pats Harvey's shoulder before he is escorted away]'' :'''Dick''': He's right. You're always there for him. :'''Bruce''': Yes, just like you're always there for me. :'''Dick''': Hey, what are friends for? ===''Harley's Holiday'' [2.16]=== :'''Scarecrow''': I am the Master of Fear! The Lord of Despair! Cower before me in witless terror! :'''Harley''': Hi, Professor Crane! :'''Scarecrow''': ''[Smiling fondly]'' Good evening, child. ''[To Batman and Robin, furiously]'' Worship me, you fools! Worship me! Scream hosannas of anguish to Scarecrow, the all-terrible God of Fear! ''[Guards take him away]'' :'''Robin''': I think he's getting better. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley''': I'm having a BAD DAY! I'm sick of people trying to shoot me, run me over and blow me up! I didn't even get to keep my new dress - I ACTUALLY PAID FOR IT! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman and Robin take Harley back to Arkham]'' :'''Harley''': ''[sadly]'' [[w:To market, to market|Home again, home again, diggity dig...]] :'''Dr. Joan Leland''': Not for too long, though. Ms. Vreeland dropped the kidnapping charges. With a little more hard work, you should be ready to re-enter society for good. :'''Harley''': Yay... ''[to Batman]'' There's one thing I've gotta know. Why'd you stay with me all day, risking your butt for someone who's never given you anything but trouble? :'''Batman''': I know what it's like to try and rebuild a life. ''[takes her dress out of a bag]'' I had a bad day too, once. :'''Harley''': ''[takes the dress, smiling]'' Nice guys like you shouldn't have bad days. ===''Lock-Up'' [2.17]=== :'''Scarecrow''': Don't take me back there, please! Look at me, Batman! I'm shaking with fear! Me! The Scarecrow! I wasn't even going back to crime this time! I just had to get away from... HIM! :'''[[w:Lock-Up (comics)|Lyle Bolton]]''': I'll take it from here, Batman. Lyle Bolton, Chief of security. Congratulations, Professor Crane. You're the first inmate to escape Arkham under my charge. ''[He grabs Crane by the collar; Crane whimpers]'' You're also the last. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bartholomew''': Miss Quinn? Do you have any complaints against Mr. Bolton? :''[Lyle Bolton sneers threateningly at Harley Quinn]'': :'''Harley Quinn''': I got nothing to say. :'''Bartholomew''': But surely you must have something you wish to- :'''Harley Quinn''': You got a hearing problem or something?! NO! NADA! IXNAY! ZERO! ZILCH! BUPKES! NOTHING! OKAY?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': He threatens us! Takes away our privileges, even when we're good! :'''[[w:Lock-Up (comics)|Lyle Bolton]]''': We've heard enough of this nonsense. :'''Jonathon Crane''': He says scum like us must be kept in line! That's why he chains us down at night and electrifies our doors! :'''Scarface''': He held me over a can filled with a termites! Ya hear me?! ''TERMITES!'' :'''Harley Quinn''': He's an animal! :'''Ventriloquist''': A monster! :'''Jonathon Crane''': Keep him away! :'''Lyle Bolton''': '''SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU!''' :''[The guards retrain Lyle Bolton, he kicks the table, resists the guards and attack and them; he threatens to kill the inmates, and Bruce Wayne trips him with the chair]'' :'''Lyle Bolton''': You're all scum! You should be beaten within an inch of your misbegotten lives! :'''Bartholomew''': I've seen enough! ''[pounds the gravel]'' Lyle Bolton, you're dismissed! :'''Lyle Bolton''': Before I came here, Arkham was a revolving door for every maniac in Gotham. ''I'' kept them in! '''ME!''' Now I realize I was wrong to punish those pathetic miscreants! '''THEY'RE ONLY SYMPTOMS! ''YOU'RE'' THE CAUSE! THE GUTLESS POLICE, MINDLESS BUREAUCRATS, AND CODDLING DOCTORS! YOU SHOULD ALL BE LOCKED UP IN A CAGE WITHOUT A KEY!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lock Up''': I could have rid Gotham of the fools in city hall and the police department! We could have made our own order! :'''Batman''': I was born to fight your brand of order! :'''Lock Up''': If that's your decision...! ===''Make 'Em Laugh'' [2.18]=== :'''Dispatcher''': Disturbance reported at the top of the Crown restaurant. Suspect is a male costumed extremist armed with what appears to be a... ketchup gun. :'''Batman''': It's going to be one of those nights. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Condiment King''': So long, suckers! Parting is such "sweet-and-sour" sorrow. ''[Batman yanks away his loot bag]'' What's this? Ah! The big bad Bat-guy. I knew you'd "ketchup" to me sooner or later. How I've "relished" this meeting. You, the dynamic Dark Knight, versus me, the conceptual Condiment King! Come, Batman. Let's see if you can "cut the mustard". :'''Batman''': Quiet! ''[punches the King in the stomach]'' :'''Condiment King''': ''[slumps to ground, gasping]'' You hit me! :'''Batman''': Now listen, Mustard Man, or whatever you call yourself. You're obviously new at this, so I'm willing to go easy on you, provided you give back the loot and never even think about doing this again. Deal? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Buddy's agent''': I don't get it. Buddy's just thrown his entire career away. The network's cancelling his show and the restaurant's suing him for a million dollars. Why did he do it? It just doesn't make sense. ===''Deep Freeze'' [2.19]=== :'''Batman''': Men like Walker are obsessed with getting their own way. And they don't let little things like the ''law'' stop them. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grant Walker''': Do you realize that in your half-frozen state, you will age more slowly than an ordinary human? You're practically immortal, my friend! :'''Mr. Freeze''': Yes, eternal life trapped in this wretched shell! What a miserable joke. :'''Grant Walker''': Miserable to you, but a godsend to me. Look at me, Mr. Freeze, I'm an old man. I've created wonders in my lifetime, but there is still so much to do! I want to change as you have. To become, like you, a being of blessed, eternal cold. :'''Mr. Freeze''': You're insane. :'''Grant Walker''': Only you know how to duplicate the accident that made you what you are. What I long to become! :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[grabs him]'' You want to live like this? Abandoned and alone? A prisoner in a world you can see but never touch? ''[drops him and turns away]'' Old and infirm as you are, I'd trade a thousand of my frozen years for your worst day. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grant Walker''': Every time I open a park, I get gatecrashers. :'''Batman''': We've seen your insane vision of the future, Walker. :'''Grant Walker''': My world will have no crime, violence or pain. :'''Robin''': You can add free will to that list too! :'''Grant Walker''': A small price to pay for order. :'''Batman''': ''Your'' order! For your select few! :'''Grant Walker''': Excuse me, but I fail to see the problem with that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You can't let Walker do this. Billions of people will perish! :'''Mr. Freeze''': That's not my concern. All that matters is I once again have my wife, and the means to restore her. :'''Batman''': She'll wake up in a dead, frozen world that ''you'' helped destroy. She'll ''hate'' you for that! :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''Silence.'' :'''Batman''': You think you're alone now? Wait until she learns the truth. :'''Mr. Freeze''': '''I SAID ''SILENCE!''''' ''[blasts at Batman and Robin, knocking them backward, then turns back to Nora with a saddened face]'' Forgive me... ''[frees Batman and Robin]'' Come, there is much to do. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Dick recovers from hypothermia]'' :'''Dick''': Man, if I spent any more time in that immersion tank, I'd be growing gills. :'''Bruce''': I'm just glad I was able to get you back here in time. :'''Dick''': Thanks. For a while I thought I'd end up like Walker, trapped in a ice cube forever. What about Mr. Freeze? Do you think he's gone for good? :'''Bruce''': I'm not sure. But if Freeze's condition has made him truly immortal... we may not have seen the last of him. ===''Batgirl Returns'' [2.20]=== :'''Catwoman''': Bats are just mice with wings, little girl. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Batgirl|Batgirl]]''': So, what are you going to do? Leave us over one of these vats with acid burning through the rope? :'''Daggett''': ''[Laughs]'' If there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's that you crime-fighting types are very resourceful. So, I'll just have my men shoot you and throw your bodies in the vats. == About ''{{PAGENAME}}'' == *'''PD''': If I had to differentiate between [Batman and Superman], I'd say Superman is sort of about hope. You've got this guy who's an alien and not truly human, but he personifies all the best qualities of humanity. He's sort of an example of what it would be nice to be like. We would all like to be like Superman. We would all like to have power, compassion, the ability to settle problems in a good way, and maybe [be able to] wink to ourselves about how nobody else besides us knows we really have this secret power and we keep it ourselves. There's not a lot of angst with Superman. If there is, it's more like, "I wish I could tell Lois who I really was." Batman is how you'd like to be if you [could] break someone's neck: "I'm pissed off, and I want to go out and do something about it." Superman waits for trouble to happen, and then he goes off and stops the problem. Batman's looking for trouble; he doesn't really start it, but he's out there looking. And if he sees something going on, he just jumps into the middle of it. :'''JA''': Batman's sort of a sociopath too. :'''PD''': He's absolutely a sociopath. He's a sociopath with a lot of money, and he's got a sense of right and wrong. I don't think he's totally bereft of some sort of compassion or feeling for some of the villains. He doesn't go after somebody like Mr. Freeze without a small bit of compassion for the man, or maybe someone like the Mad Hatter, or even Harley, whom he thinks is certainly a pain in the ass, but I think he kind of wishes she'd get her act together and wise up at some point. <br> But with darker characters like the Scarecrow and the Joker, he's basically out to make sure they never get out again - whatever it takes to take them down. Somebody like the Joker is probably the least human of all of Batman's Rogues Gallery. That was why I never wanted to do a story that humanizes the Joker, like we did with the Mad Hatter or Mr. Freeze, because I just don't think the character lends itself to that. He's almost supernatural in a way; he's somebody who's just thoroughly insane, who does what he wants to do, and who has a grudge against Batman. He probably likes horrifying people with his clownish appearance as much as Batman terrorizes criminals with his nightmare-like appearance. The Joker is pretty inhuman. I'd say the same thing about the Scarecrow. He is someone who really gets turned on by scaring people. He's like the anti-Batman. He's a weak, very unimposing man until he puts on the Scarecrow costume, and then goes out and gasses people with fear gas, and he watches them squirm. There's probably a big turn-on seeing people helpless in front of him screaming in fear. *'''PD''': When [[w:Tim Burton|Tim Burton]]'s ''[[Batman (1989 film)|Batman]]'' came out, that was the way to go. Now [[w:Joel Schumacher|Joel Schumacher]]'s [[Batman Forever|Batman]] is out there, and people are flocking to the movies, so they"re saying, "Can you lighten up the show a little bit? Can you have more fun with it?" So that's what we were charged with doing, and that's what we've done: to lighten up the color palette a little bit, so that every character's not just in dark colors. Robin, for instance, is now black, red, and gold, instead of green. Nightwing is black and a light, almost iridescent, blue. We've also given it a little more of a kid-friendly look. :* [[w:Paul Dini|Paul Dini]], [http://animationarena.com/batman_the_animated_series.html "Batman: The Animated Series"], ''Animation Arena''. * The thing with the Batman show—even though it's one of the most beautiful and well-written shows, and it really gets into Batman—is that it doesn't really move that fast. The fight scenes aren't that intense, and it doesn't really go actiony. There's a lot of walking and talking in it. It looks great, but it needs that kick of having action. And I think that's another thing that kids are picking up on: For the first time, you're actually seeing superheroes really fight bad guys. In a lot of the cartoons when I was growing up, like [[w:Super Friends|Super Friends]], there was no fighting of bad guys. They would just get sent off to jail. It was wacky, it was silly, it wasn't intense, and there wasn't real fighting and stuff in it. ** [[w:Craig McCracken|Craig McCracken]] [http://www.avclub.com/article/the-powerpuff-girls-13665 "The Powerpuff Girls"], Keith Phipps, ''A.V.Club'', Jun 21, 2000. == Cast == * [[Kevin Conroy]] - [[w:Batman|Bruce Wayne/Batman]] * [[w:Loren Lester|Loren Lester]] - [[w:Dick Grayson|Dick Grayson/Robin]] * [[w:Melissa Gilbert|Melissa Gilbert]] - [[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara Gordon/Batgirl]] * [[w:Clive Revill|Clive Revill]]/[[w:Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.|Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.]] - [[w:Alfred Pennyworth|Alfred Pennyworth]] * [[w:Bob Hastings|Bob Hastings]] - [[w:James Gordon (comics)|Commissioner James Gordon]] * [[w:Robert Costanzo|Robert Costanzo]] - [[w:Harvey Bullock (comics)|Detective Harvey Bullock]] * [[w:Ingrid Oliu|Ingrid Oliu]]/Liane Schirmer - [[w:Renee Montoya|Officer Renee Montoya]] * [[Mark Hamill]] - [[w:The Joker (comics)|The Joker]] * [[w:Arleen Sorkin|Arleen Sorkin]] - [[w:Harley Quinn|Dr. Harleen Quinzel/Harley Quinn]] * [[Paul Williams (songwriter)|Paul Williams]] - [[w:Penguin (comics)|Oswald Cobblepot/The Penguin]] * [[Adrienne Barbeau]] - [[w:Catwoman|Selina Kyle/Catwoman]] * [[w:John Glover (actor)|John Glover]] - [[w:Riddler|Edward Nygma/The Riddler]] * [[w:Richard Moll|Richard Moll]] - [[w:Two-Face (comics)|Harvey Dent/Two-Face]] * [[w:George Dzundza|George Dzundza]] - [[w:The Ventriloquist (comics)|Arnold Wesker/The Ventriloquist/Scarface]] * [[w:Henry Silva|Henry Silva]] - [[w:Bane (comics)|Bane]] * [[w:Aron Kincaid|Aron Kincaid]] - [[w:Killer Croc|Killer Croc]] * [[w:Marc Singer|Marc Singer]] - [[w:Man-Bat|Dr. Kirk Langstrom/Man-Bat]] * [[w:Ron Perlman|Ron Perlman]] - [[w:Clayface|Matt Hagen/Clayface]] * [[w:Diane Pershing|Diane Pershing]] - [[w:Poison Ivy (comics)|Dr. Pamela Isley/Poison Ivy]] * [[w:Henry Polic II|Henry Polic II]] - [[w:Scarecrow (DC comics)|Dr. Jonathan Crane/The Scarecrow]] * [[w:Roddy McDowall|Roddy McDowall]] - [[w:Mad Hatter|Dr. Jervis Tetch/The Mad Hatter]] * [[w:Michael Ansara|Michael Ansara]] - [[w:Mr. Freeze|Dr. Victor Freeze/Mr. Freeze]] * [[David Warner (actor)|David Warner]] - [[w:Ra's al Ghul|Ra's al Ghul]] ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} {{Batman}} [[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated superhero TV shows]] [[Category:Animated Batman TV shows]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Animated television programs based on Detective Comics]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Fox Broadcasting Company animated television series]] [[Category:Television series by Warner Bros. Animation]] obyk4sr3qj6sv1h2usqunkropxx2yuv 3778760 3778746 2025-07-14T17:04:20Z 2A00:23C7:8583:8901:5157:8FC5:8DBF:8C56 /* Nothing To Fear [1.3] */ 3778760 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Batman-_The_Animated_Series_logo.svg|thumb|I am [[vengeance]]. I am the [[night]]. I am, '''[[Batman|BATMAN]]'''!]] {{italic title}} '''''[[W:Batman: The Animated Series|Batman: The Animated Series]]''''' is an American animated superhero television series based on the [[DC Comics]] superhero Batman. It was succeeded by ''[[The Adventures of Batman & Robin]]'' and ''[[The New Batman Adventures]]''; the first production in the [[w:DC Animated Universe|DC Animated Universe]]. ==Season 1== ===''On Leather Wings'' [1.1]=== :'''[[w:Rene Auberjonois|Dr. March]]''': You donate a few million, and you think you own the place. I understand I'm to analyse something for you? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Yeah, doc. See, I keep hearing squeaks in my chimney, and I found these in my empty fireplace. They look like hairs. I thought maybe you could tell me if I have a bat problem. :'''Dr. March''': And what if they are bats, Mr. Wayne? What then? Destroy them like insects? We won't survive the next evolutionary cataclysm, but bats will! They're survivors, Mr. Wayne, not pests! You should understand that! <hr width='50%'/> :'''Dr. Kirk Langstrom''': ''[enters laboratory upon hearing noises]'' Who's back there? ''[Spots Batman]'' You...! :'''Batman''': I'm looking for Dr. March. :'''Langstrom''' He's not here, Batman. :'''Batman''': Where is he? :'''Langstrom''': Giving a lecture on human extinction and bat evolution. He's really quite brilliant. :'''Batman''': He's misguided, and a thief. ''[holds up a vial of the serum]'' :'''Langstrom''': He's just a theorist, he was afraid to put it to the test. But I wasn't. I knew he'd discovered a formula to create a totally new species, neither man nor bat. And once I started taking it, I couldn't stop. I desperately wanted to, but... ''it'' took over. Francine and March tried to protect me, but it was too late. The beast knew what chemicals were needed to bring itself about! It was out of my control! And it only needs one more component to complete the process! ''[voice lowering]'' It's in ''ME'', Batman! ''[laughs maniacally and begins to change into Man-Bat]'' ===''Christmas With The Joker'' [1.2]=== :''[the Arkham Asylum inmates practice signing Jingle Bells as other inmates set up a giant Christmas tree]'' :'''Joker''': Jingle bells! Batman smells! Robin laid an egg! ''[gets a tree-topper and climbs to install it]'' The Batmobile lost a wheel and the Jo-ker got a-wa-a-a-ay! ''[attaches the ornament and the Christmas Tree ignites, revealed as a rocket. Joker clambers at it launches]'' Crashing through the roof! In a one-horse-open tree! Busting out I go! Laughing all the WHEEEEE! ''[the "rocket-tree" flies off into the distance as he sings]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the Christmas with the Joker show]'' :'''Joker''': Rumor has it, Christmas is a time to share with family. :'''Laugh track''': Yea! :'''Joker''': And since I don't have one of my own... :'''Laugh track''': Aww... :'''Joker''': I decided to STEAL one! :'''Laugh track''': Yea! :'''Joker''': And here they are: The Awful Lawful Family! ''[lights turn on and reveal Gordon, Summer, and Bullock tied up and gagged]'' Aren't they just the cutest family you've ever seen? :'''Batman''': ''[watching in the Batmobile]'' It's never easy with the Joker. :'''Joker''': Meet Daddy Lawful! ''[ungags Gordon]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': You diseased maniac! I'll- ''[Joker gags him again]'' :'''Joker''': Hmm. Looks like I'll have to teach Daddy some manners. And here's Mommy Lawful! ''[ungags Summer]'' :'''Summer Gleason''': Help! Somebody please help us- ''[Joker gags her again]'' :'''Joker''': Ho ho ho, isn't she jolly? And here we have little Baby Lawful! Coochie coochie coo! ''[ungags Bullock]'' :'''Detective Bullock''': When I get my hands on you, I'll rip your- ''[Joker gags him again]'' :'''Joker''': I'll bet Batman wishes he had a family just like mine. Personally I think relatives are a bore, so Batman can have them... ''[points to clock showing 10:30PM] if'' he can find them by midnight! Otherwise... ''[makes a throat-slashing motion and laughs]'' ===''Nothing To Fear'' [1.3]=== :''[Bruce is introduced to Dr. Long and he offers a handshake]'' :'''Dr. Long''': ''[looks at hand and pouts off]'' Your father and I attended university together. He had big plans for you. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Well, I guess he'd be pleased. Wayne Industries is more prosperous than ever. :'''Dr. Long''': Pleased? When your father was alive, Wayne was a name that commanded great respect. Now all Wayne stands for is a self-centered jet-setting playboy. It's lucky your father didn't live to see what you've done to his good name. He'd have died of shame. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Scarecrow sprays a security guard with gas]'' :'''Guard''': Stop! What the-- No! No, spiders! Get them offa me! No! NO! ''[screams and collapses]'' :'''Anthony''': What did you do to him, boss? :'''[[w:Scarecrow (DC Comics)|Scarecrow]]''': I merely helped him visualize his innermost terror, which is obviously [[w:arachnophobia|arachnophobia]]. :'''Nigel''': A-whack-a-what? :'''Scarecrow''': Arachnophobia! Fear of spiders, you dimwitted dropout! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': It seems I have underestimated the Batman, but at least the University is finished. :'''Anthony''': Gee, boss, I never liked school, but, uh, how come you hate the university so much? :'''Scarecrow''': They tried to destroy me. :'''Nigel''': You mean they kicked you out 'cause you weren't smart enough? :'''Scarecrow''': No, you simpleton! ''[pinches Nigel's broken nose]'' :'''Nigel''': Ow! :'''Scarecrow''': I taught there. I was a professor of psychology, specializing in phobias. Inducing terror has always intrigued me. Even as a boy, I loved to frighten things. People, animals, it was all the same. I became obsessed with fear's crippling power. Later, when I became their leading Professor of Subliminal Psychology at the University, I began performing experiments on fear and its subsequent effects. Dr. Long thought I went too far - he called me a lunatic. So now, they will learn the true nature of horror! :'''Anthony''': ''[to Nigel]'' Wow, he's a real professor. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman has been exposed to Scarecrow's fear toxin]'' :'''Thomas Wayne''': Bruce... :'''Batman''': No... not now... :'''Thomas Wayne''': You are a disgrace! ''[turns into the [[w:Grim Reaper|Grim Reaper]]]'' :'''Batman''': No... You are NOT my father. I am NOT a disgrace! I am vengeance, I am the night. I...AM...'''BATMAN!''' ===''The Last Laugh'' [1.4]=== :'''Summer Gleeson''': I'm here in Downtown Gotham where corporate CEOs have gone stark, raving mad. It would appear that the collapse of the stock market is now imminent. The question is: Will [[April Fools' Day]] mark the end of Gotham City as we know it? :'''Joker''': The only things gaining now are the laughing stocks! ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Justice WILL be served, Joker. :'''Joker''': Service with a smile? ''[He tosses a razor card at Batman. Batman dodges it just in time.]'' :'''Batman''': Clean up your act, Joker. :'''Joker''': Oh, that's a joke, right? Batman finally told a joke! ===''Pretty Poison'' [1.5]=== :'''Dent''': So, what do you think? :'''Bruce''': Does she have a sister? :'''Dent''': Nope. Pam's one of a kind. That's why I asked her to marry me. :'''Bruce''': ''[spits out his water upon hearing this]'' WHAT?! :'''Dent''': Yup, that's the page one headline. Hey... is it starting to get warm? :'''Bruce''': You're still flushed from that last kiss. Harvey, you just met her last week! :'''Dent''': And I already know she's the one. Gosh, it's hot in here... :'''Bruce''': Marriage is a major step, Harvs. Don't you think you're rushing it? :'''Dent''': No way. The moment I laid eyes on Pam, her love hit me right in the face. ''[falls right into the food he ordered]'' :'''Bruce''': ''[laughs]'' Harvey, you've lost your mind. Knock it off. ''[sees him unresponsive]'' Harv? Harvey! ''[Later sees Harvey carried into an ambulance and climbs inside]'' Hang on, Harvey. Hang on. <hr width=50%"/> :'''Bullock''': So what'd you put in this mousse?! :'''Chef''': Chocolate, sugar, eggs, cream... :'''Bullock''': STRYCHNINE?! :'''Chef''': No, no, no strychnine. But I added just a pinch of vanilla. :'''Bullock''': ''[turns to a waiter, frustrated]'' You know who did it?! TALK! :'''Waiter''': Hey, I just clean the dishes, okay? <hr width=50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[chuckles]'' Batman! A late night rendezvous? To what do I owe the honor? :'''Batman''': ''[struggling against Ivy's giant flytrap]'' Harvey Dent! :'''Poison Ivy''': Oh, the poor district attorney. I hear he's not expected to live. Oh, it's so sad... ''[feigns crying, which quickly turns to insane laughter]'' :'''Batman''': Why, Isley? :'''Poison Ivy''': Oh, please, call me Poison Ivy. You see, Harvey had to pay for his crime. :'''Batman''': What crime? :'''Poison Ivy''': Why, murder, of course! Plowing up a field of beautiful wildflowers for that silly penitentiary of his. This little rose would be extinct today if I hadn't saved my precious from those horrible bulldozers! The blood of those flowers are on his hands! ''[calms down after her tantrum]'' So his fate was sealed ''[applies lipstick]'' ...with a kiss. And now, so is yours. ''[Ivy's plant holds Batman still as she kisses him; he tries to spit away the poison]'' Oh, what's wrong? Afraid I have cooties? ''[laughs]'' Oh, now you've gone and hurt my feelings. Too bad. I was going to share the antidote with you. ''[opens a bottle and waves it under his nose]'' Lovely fragrance, don't you think? ''[applies a drop to her face]'' I call it "Rose From the Dead". <hr width=50%"/> :''[In a cell in Arkham]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': They can bury me in the ground, as deep as they like. But I'll grow back. ''[to her rose]'' We ''always'' grow back. Don't we, baby? ===''The Underdwellers'' [1.6]=== :'''Sewer King''': Lesson number one is: NOOOOO TAAAALKING! Children are to be seen and not heard. We are the Underdwellers. We are the silent ones. We follow the invisible creed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sewer King''': Frog! The rolls, if you please. :''[Another boy nervously steps over with them; the Sewer King grabs his wrist angrily]'' :'''Sewer King''': You're not Frog! Where is he?! He's not here! ''[smacks the bowl of rolls away]'' NOT HERE! And after all I've done for you ungrateful little monsters! I took you in when nobody else would have you! It is I who care for you! I who provide for you! And only I WHO KNOWS WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU! Would you rather I sent you back into the light? Back to those who hurt you, and sent you away? :''[The children tearfully shake their heads; the Sewer King pushes the dinner table over with a loud crash]'' :'''Sewer King''': THERE WILL BE NOTHING TO EAT UNTIL FROG IS FOUND! NOW OUT WITH YOU! ''OUT WITH YOU!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I don't know what kind of barbarian did this to you, but it's over. And from now on, you'll be treated like human beings. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sewer King''': ''[clapping]'' Bravo. Bravo. You've caused me great distress, you evil bat, yes, yes, yes, you have! You've hurt my pretty pets, and you've frightened my beloved children! :'''Batman''': ''[incredulous and disgusted]'' "Beloved children"?! :'''Sewer King''': Yes! I feed them, I clothe them, I discipline them, and I teach them a trade! And now, I will teach ''you'' something! :''[He stamps on Batman's hands, but Batman swings under the pipe and kicks him from behind, causing him to fall off]'' :'''Batman''': Grab my hand! :'''Sewer King''': ''NEVER!'' :''[He falls into the water, where the alligators close in and seemingly devour him]'' :'''Batman''': A gruesome fate for a gruesome man. :''[He hears the Sewer King laughing, and sees him with the alligators, unharmed]'' :'''Sewer King''': I rather enjoyed it! I told you, they're my pretties! ''[pets one, laughing]'' Have a nice swim! :''[Batman swings over to chase him, narrowly missing the alligators' jaws]'' :'''Batman''': Later. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman pulls the Sewer King out of the way of an oncoming train]'' :'''Sewer King''': Why? Why?! ''Why?!'' :'''Batman''': ''[seething with anger]'' I don't pass sentence. That's for the courts. But this time - ''this time'' - I am ''sorely tempted'' to do the job myself! ===''P.O.V.'' [1.7]=== :''[after Batman grapples up a crane with Officer Montoya to safety]'' :'''Batman''': Are you alright? :''[Machine gun bullets hit around Batman and Officer Montoya, causing both of them to duck]'' :'''Officer Montoya''': Dandy. :'''Batman''': Then don't go away. :'''Officer Montoya''': ''[Batman leaves as more machine gun bullets hit. Montoya stays down]'' Count on it. <hr width="50%"/> :''[after Commissioner Gordon congratulates Officer Montoya for foiling the dock heist with Batman's aid]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': I have to hand it to you, Montoya. You and the Batman really turned this thing around. :'''Patrolman Wilkes''': Yeah, what a [[wikt:collar|collar]]! You didn't just bust 'em, you put the whole gang out of commission. ''[Lieutenant Hackle appears to accuse Montoya]'' :'''Lieutenant Hackle''': What collar? She's suspended! ''[Gordon angrily grabs Heckle]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': This [[wikt:farce|farce]] has gone far enough, Hackle! We apprehended the suspects and recovered our money. The investigation is closed! ''[He grabs three confiscated police badges out of Hackle's suit pocket and shoves him aside. He hands the badges to Officer Montoya]'' Officer Montoya earned this collar. :'''Officer Montoya''': The collar belongs to all three of us, Commissioner. It was a team effort. ''[Montoya accepts hers and hands Wilkes back his badge]'' :'''Patrolman Wilkes''': Gee... thanks, partner! :'''Detective Bullock''': ''[grumbling under his breath]'' Yeah, yeah... :'''Officer Montoya''': What was that, Bullock? ''[happily gives badge to Bullock]'' :'''Detective Bullock''': ''[reluctantly hesitates, accepts his badge]'' I said... Thanks a lot, Montoya. ===''The Forgotten'' [1.8]=== :'''Bruce''': What is this? :'''Smith''': If it's moving, it's a rat. If it isn't, it's a cooked rat. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': ''[Alfred flies the Batwing to the tracking device's location]'' This must be the place! Bring us down! :'''Batwing Computer''': Negative. :'''Alfred''': ''[pressing buttons madly]'' But Master Bruce is down there! We HAVE to land! :'''Computer''': Impossible. Area too confined. :'''Alfred''': ''[pounds the console]'' Land, you bucket of bolts! :'''Computer''': Your funeral. :'''Alfred''': Oh, dear...! ''[The Batwing flies down abruptly. Bruce, escaping the mine, sees the Batwing fly over]'' :'''Bruce''': ''[Smiles]'' Son of a gun! :''[The Batwing reaches a flat area near Bruce and lands. The cockpit opens.]'' :'''Computer''': Watch your step. :'''Alfred''': ''[tumbles out, dazed]'' [[w:Juan Rodriguez Cabrillo|I-I-I claim this land... for Spain]]. ''[collapses]'' ===''Be A Clown'' [1.9]=== :'''Jordan''': How can I get to be a great magician like you, Jekko? :'''"Jekko"''': Well, there are three steps! Step one: run away. Step two: find a magician with a great act. And step three: ''steal it.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Summer Gleason''': ''[reporting on TV]'' Denying reports of a bomb blast at his son's birthday party, Mayor Hill insists the explosion was caused by faulty electrical wiring. :'''"Jekko"''': Yeah! RIGHT! ''[laughs]'' :'''Summer Gleason''': The Mayor declined, however, to confirm that his son Jordan was missing. :'''"Jekko"''': Missing? :'''Jordan''': ''[coming into view]'' It's me, Jekko. I ran away. :'''"Jekko"''': You did '''WHAT?!?''' :'''Jordan''': I want to be a magician, like you. :'''"Jekko"''': Why, you... ''[laughs]'' Well, kid, you got step one right! Come on in. I've been thinking about a protege. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman is trapped inside a tank filled with water, complete with a straitjacket and leg restraints]'' :'''"Jekko"''': For your viewing pleasure, we present... the infamous water tank trap! The great [[w:Harry Houdini|Houdini]] survived such a test. Dare we demand less of the Batman?! :'''Jordan''': I don't like this, Jekko... :'''"Jekko"''': Quiet, kid, it's a free ticket. :''[Batman manages to free the sleeves of the jacket]'' :'''Jordan''': ''[clapping]'' He did it! He got free! :'''"Jekko"''': They don't make straitjackets like they used to. ''[grinning]'' I should know... :''[Batman wriggles out of the jacket and undoes the leg restraints, but struggles to break the glass]'' :'''Jordan''': He can't get out! What's the trick? :'''"Jekko"''': That's just it! THERE IS NO TRICK! :'''Jordan''': No! He'll drown! :''[Jordan grabs an axe and strikes the side of the tank to try and free Batman, but "Jekko" takes the axe away]'' :'''"Jekko"/Joker''': That's why they call it a finale! ''[throws down the axe and discards his Jekko the Clown mask]'' Now sit down and enjoy the show! ===''Two-Face Part 1'' [1.10]=== :''[Dent's raid on Thorne has been aborted by the judge due to supposed lack of reliable evidence]'' :'''Dent''': No! NO! '''I SPENT ''THREE MONTHS'' ON THAT RAID!''' He can't overturn! The fool! HE'S ''BEEN BOUGHT! LIKE ALL THE REST!'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[tries to restrain him]'' Harvey, please try to calm down. This sort of behavior doesn't run well with the voters- :'''Dent''': ''LET GO OF ME, YOU RICH TWIT!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dent''': Stealing someone's psychiatric file is pretty low, Thorne! Even for a swine like you! :'''[[w:John Vernon|Rupert Thorne]]''': But it makes for such fascinating reading. Listen to this, boys. Says here that when Harvey was a little boy, he was bothered by a bully. Every day the bully would bug him after school, until one day little Harvey got so mad, he slugged him one. :'''Thorne's Thugs''': Oooh! :'''Rupert Thorne''': Of course, the bully ran away, which made little Harvey very proud. Until he heard that the bully was in the hospital. :'''Candace''': That was some punch. :'''Rupert Thorne''': ''[chuckles]'' That's what Harvey thought. Except the guy was in the hospital for appendicitis! ''[chuckles again]'' But poor Harvey felt so guilty, he never showed his anger again. And that was the start of "Big Bad Harv". :'''Dent''': What do you want? :'''Rupert Thorne''': Just a few favors from the D.A.'s office. :'''Dent''': You're dreaming. :'''Rupert Thorne''': Otherwise, as a concerned citizen, I'd be compelled to give this to the press. After all, the people of Gotham have a right to know the kind of person... or should I say "persons", they've elected. So, what do you say, Harvey? Do we have a deal? :''[Harvey's face has contorted in building rage the entire time, but suddenly relaxes into deceptive docility]'' :'''Dent''': There's just one problem. :'''Rupert Thorne''': What's that? :'''Dent''': ''[in Big Bad Harv's voice]'' '''''You're talking to the wrong Harvey.''''' ===''Two-Face Part 2'' [1.11]=== :''[In a nightmare, Harvey is being chased by a dark shadow. He suddenly realizes he is standing on a collapsing wooden bridge]'' :'''Harvey Dent''': Stay back! ''[the shadow reveals itself to be Batman, pleading for Harvey's help]'' :'''Batman''': Harvey, please, let me help you! :'''Harvey Dent''': You?! You saw what was happening! You knew that something was terribly wrong with me! I thought you were my friend! You should have been able to help me--but you didn't! ''[Harvey covers his face with his two hands, now transformed into Two-Face]'' :'''Two-Face''': ''NOW LOOK AT ME!!'' :'''Batman''': But I tried, Harvey. I... ''[the bridge pulls itself apart, causing Two-Face to fall off]'' Harvey! :'''Two-Face''': ''[Plummets into an abyss of glowing red light] WHY COULDN'T YOU SAVE ME...?!!'' :''[Batman looks down the edge and gasps with horrified shock. He instead sees his late parents Thomas and Martha Wayne underneath a single lamppost. They both raise their heads in sadness]'' :'''Thomas Wayne''': Why couldn't you save us, son? :''[Bruce wakes up, sweating with fear. He then turns to a photo of Two-Face from a newspaper]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': So what are you dreaming tonight, Harvey? Peaceful dreams? Nightmares? Maybe both at once. Sleep well, my friend. Whether you are, whatever you've become... I ''will'' save you. I swear. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Two-Face''': This is my world now. A dichotomy of order and chaos - just like me. :'''Grace''': Harvey, what's happened to your mind, your feelings? You used to listen to your feelings. :'''Two-Face''': ''[flipping his coin]'' This is what I listen to now. ''Chance,'' Grace. Chance is everything. Whether you're born or not, whether you live or die, whether you're good or bad... it's all arbitrary. :'''Grace''': That's nonsense, Harvey. Was it chance that made you District Attorney? Was it chance that made you fall in love with me? Take control of your life, Harvey. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Two-Face grabs a tommy gun and aims at a defenceless Thorne]'' :'''Rupert Thorne''': No! Two-Face, don't! ''[to Batman]'' You can't let him! :'''Grace''': Harvey! What are you doing?! :'''Two-Face''': Taking control of my life. :'''Batman''': Let the law handle it. :'''Two-Face''': "The law"?! ''[takes out his coin]'' Here's the only law! The law of averages! The great equalizer! :''[Two-Face flips the coin, but Batman throws out a crate of other coins, and Two-Face's is lost among them as they spill out]'' :'''Two-Face''': ''[horrified and panicked]'' NO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! ''[searches through them frantically]'' My coin! Where is it?! I can't decide without...! Oh no, it's ''gotta'' be here, it's ''gotta! [shrieks with anguish]'' '''''I HAVE TO HAVE IT!!!''''' :''[He continues to scream, swiping the coins aside before collapsing in tears; Grace gently comforts him]'' :'''Grace''': It's all right now, Harvey. I'm here. ===''It's Never Too Late'' [1.12]=== :'''Father Michael Stromwell''': Arnold? That's one soul I wish I could give up on. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arnold Stromwell''': I don't need your help! :'''Michael Stromwell''': Is that a fact? An empire crumbling? A marriage shattered? A son lost? Sure, you're doing fine. ===''I've Got Batman In My Basement'' [1.13]=== :''[after Penguin's goons successfully steal a [[w:Fabergé egg|Fabergé egg]] on a tall building]'' :'''Goon 1''': ''[chuckles]'' A piece of cake, just like the boss said. :'''Goon 2''': Yeah, all it took was five minutes. ''[Batman makes his surprise appearance to the goons]'' :'''Batman''': And that'll get you five ''years''... ''[pause]'' with good behavior. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Be-fowled by a couple of fledgelings! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Grant''': Sherman, what are you doing down there? :'''Sherman''': Nothing, Mom! :'''Mrs. Grant''': You're not trying to make gunpowder again, are you? :'''Sherman''': No, Mom! Honest! :'''Roberta''': We just saved Batman's life, Mrs. Grant, and now we're hiding him from some bad criminals. :'''Mrs. Grant''': That's good, just don't make a mess. ''[leaves]'' :'''Sherman''': Nice going, Miss Big Mouth. :'''Roberta''': ''[shrugging]'' Sorry, Sherman, I guess I panicked. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Gentlemen - and I use the term loosely - after you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Eurgh, how bourgeois. Tearing this place apart could only improve it! Let the egg hunt begin! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Grant''': Young man, you've got some serious explaining to do! ''[sees Batman and the defeated Penguin and gasps]'' :'''Sherman''': Err, Mom, I'd like you to meet Batman. Batman, this is my mom. :'''Batman''': Ma'am. :'''Mrs. Grant''': Oh, hello... :'''Sherman''': Say, Batman, you wouldn't be single, would you? ===''[[w:Heart of Ice (Batman: The Animated Series)|Heart of Ice]]'' [1.14]=== :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[gazes at the ballerina snow globe]'' This is how I'll always remember you. Surrounded by [[winter]] forever young, forever beautiful. Rest well, my love. The monster who took you from me will soon learn that [[revenge]] is a dish... ''[opens his eyes through his red goggles]'' best served '''cold'''. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman infiltrates an office in GothCorp headquarters and sees a classified file with a videotape and medical records of a woman named Nora Fries. He plays the tape on a nearby VCR]'' :'''Victor Fries''': ''[on the tape]'' My name is Doctor Victor Fries. I am recording what I pray would be mankind's first step toward immortality. ''[camera pans to a large machine with a glass capsule and a woman inside it]'' Behind me, you see the CC-100, a cryogenic freezing chamber of my own design. I created it for the express purpose of freezing subjects stricken with inoperable ailments. Subjects like... my own beloved wife, Nora. Once a remedy has been found-- ''[reacts to a loud banging on the door]'' :'''Ferris Boyle''': ''[Behind the door]'' Open this door! Open it now! ''[A security guard kicks the door down, Ferris and another guard step into the room. Boyle confronts Fries angrily.]'' Get away from that equipment! ''[Orders his guards]'' Shut this stuff down. :'''Fries''': ''[Panicked]'' Stop! This is my experiment! :'''Boyle''': Your ''unauthorized'' experiment. I ordered funding suspended weeks ago! I'm already three million in debt thanks to you! :'''Fries''': You can't stop it now! My wife is in there! :'''Boyle''': So bring her out! :'''Fries''': You can't interrupt the process now! :'''Boyle''': ''[unmoved; to guard]'' Open it. :'''Fries''': ''[desperately holds on to Boyle]'' It's her only chance! :'''Boyle''': ''[shrugs off Fries]'' This is MY equipment! ''MINE!'' I have every legal right to use it or not use it as I see fit. I say this project ends ''now!'' :'''Fries''': ''[grabs pistol from security guard and aims it at Ferris]'' '''NO!''' Stay away from her, murderer! :'''Boyle''': ''[tries to act charming to Fries]'' Victor... I'm sorry... I lost my temper. It doesn't have to come to this. We can talk! ''[Fries calms down and Boyle kicks him into a table of cryonic chemicals. Victor screams in pain as the cloud of volatile chemicals engulf him. Boyle steps away in fear and runs out of the room with his guards]'' Get out. Get out! :'''Fries''': ''[Clinging to his freezing chamber, screaming through the glass] Nora! NORA...! [passes out. The tape ends]'' :'''Batman''': ''[Horrified]'' My God! :''[A voice rings out--it's Mr. Freeze, who just snuck in the room]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': Yes. It would move me to tears, if I still had tears to shed. ''[freezes Batman with his cryo-gun]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mr. Freeze raids the award ceremony and confronts Ferris Boyle, who is receiving a humanitarian award]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': The cold eyes of vengeance are upon you, Boyle. :'''Ferris Boyle''': Who...who ''are'' you?! :'''Mr. Freeze''': Come, now. Surely you remember your old colleague... Victor Fries? :''[Mr. Freeze aims and fires his freezing gun at Boyle's feet, ice slowly covering up his legs to his waist]'' :'''Boyle''': ''[cries in pain]'' NO! No...! Stop... please... I... b-beg you! ''[Mr. Freeze stops his freezing gun for a moment of clarity]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': You... ''beg?'' In my nightmares I see my Nora behind the glass, begging to me with frozen eyes. How I've longed to see that look frozen on you. :''[Batman batarangs Mr Freeze's cryo-gun and attacks him. Mr Freeze overpowers Batman and throws him off]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': The advanced circuitry that powers my suit also triples my strength! ''[engages Batman, and lifts him off the ground]'' Sooner or later, all who stand in my way must feel the icy touch of death! :''[Mr. Freeze is about to kill Batman, but collapses when Batman smashes his glass helmet with a thermos full of chicken soup given to him by Alfred earlier]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': ''[walks next to Batman]'' Ooh...! What was that stuff? :'''Batman''': The only way to fight a cold. :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[as his suit falters]'' It can't end this way... vengeance...! :'''Batman''': No, ''justice''. A year ago, Ferris Boyle interrupted an experiment, and in the process destroyed two lives. ''[gives Summer Gleeson the tape he found]'' Here's the evidence. ''[walks to a still shivering Boyle; he sneers at Boyle with disgust]'' Good night, humanitarian! ''[walks off]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mr. Freeze is in his subzero cell in Arkham Asylum, gazing into his ballerina snow globe]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': I failed you. I wish there were another way for me to say it... but I cannot. ''[Tears silently slide down his face]'' I can only beg your [[forgiveness]] and pray you hear me somehow, someplace. Someplace... where a warm hand waits for mine. ===''The Cat And The Claw Part 1'' [1.15]=== :'''Stern''': Now if you'll excuse me, I've given you all the time I can spare. :'''Selina Kyle''': You'll find more time for me, Mr. Stern. Before I'm through, I'll have every environmental group and animal rights activist breathing down your neck. They'll be looking at you and your project so closely, you'll feel like a bug in a bell-jar. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You're late. :'''Mob Boss''': Can't you walk up to someone normal-like? :'''Batman''': I hear you have some information. :'''Mob Boss''': Under one condition: Lay off the South Side. :'''Batman''': Keep this up, and I'll be on you from all sides. North, south, east, and west. ===''The Cat And The Claw Part 2'' [1.16]=== :'''Batman''': Red Claw? A woman? :'''[[W:Red_Claw|Red Claw]]''': Do you have a problem with that, Batman? :'''Batman''': Not at all. I'm an equal opportunity crime fighter! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I didn't want you taken away like a common criminal. :'''Catwoman''': So you do care. :'''Batman''': ''[handcuffing her]'' More than you'll ever know. ===''See No Evil'' [1.17]=== :'''Lloyd Ventrix''': See you 'round, Batman! Too bad you can't say the same! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Ventrix, the suit! It's poison! :'''Ventrix''': So what if it is?! I don't care! As long as I have it, I can take my daughter back whenever I want! Her mother won't stop me, AND NEITHER WILL YOU! ===''Beware The Gray Ghost'' [1.18]=== :''[At a video shop, Bruce Wayne asks for Gray Ghost films]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': I'd like the ''Gray Ghost''. :'''Store Clerk''': ''[smirks and walks away]'' Hmm. Name something else. :'''Wayne''': You said you had everything. :'''Store Clerk''': Except the ''Gray Ghost''! Nobody has it! The studio that made the show, Spectra? It burned down 20 years ago. The negatives all went up like kindling, real shame. :'''Wayne''': So the ''Gray Ghost'' doesn't exist? :'''Clerk''': Not anymore. Sorry, pal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Simon Trent''': ''[Hands Batman a film reel with the key the mystery]'' Here's your answer, take it and go! :'''Batman''': I used to admire what the Gray Ghost stood for... :'''Simon Trent''': I'm not the Gray Ghost! :'''Batman''': ''[coldly]'' I can see that now. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the launch of the Gray Ghost videos]'' :'''Bruce''': Could you make this out to 'Bruce'? :'''Gray Ghost''': ''[signing autograph]'' Here you are, Bruce. :'''Bruce''': Thanks. As a kid, I used to watch you with my father. The Gray Ghost was my hero. :'''Gray Ghost''': ''[realizing]'' Really... :'''Bruce''': ''[smiling]'' And he still is. ===''Prophecy Of Doom'' [1.19]=== :'''Nostromos''': I predict... you and I are about to become rich as pigs! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lucas''': No one could've predicted Batman would spot me. Not even the great Nostromos. Besides, how do you know Wayne survived? :'''Nostromos''': The news said he got off the elevator right before it fell, you pathetic amateur! :'''Lucas''': Well, you didn't predict he would ''die'', exactly... ===''Feat Of Clay Part 1'' [1.20]=== :''[About Matt Hagen's repeated use of "Renuyu" to restore his disfigured face]'' :'''Teddy Lupus''': You can't go on like this, Matt. You hurt all the time now. :'''[[w:Clayface|Matt Hagen]]''': ''[irritated]'' You're just my stand-in, Lupus. Nobody promoted you to nursemaid! :'''Lupus''': That stuff makes your face like putty, Matt; it can't be good for ya. :'''Hagen''': It probably ain't good for me. But unless I only want to do ''horror'' pictures, it ain't bad for me either. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Listen up, scumwad, 'cause I'm only gonna ask you once. Who was Lucius Fox meeting at the tram? :'''Raymond Bell''': Wayne... Bruce Wayne! :'''Batman''': You lying sleaze! You wanna rethink that answer? ===''Feat Of Clay Part 2'' [1.21]=== :'''Clayface''': ''[testing his new shapeshifting powers]'' The formula must have soaked every cell in my body. :'''Teddy Lupus''': It's.... It's some kind of miracle! ''[sees Matt change back into Clayface]'' Wha... What are you doing? :'''Clayface''': No. No! You broke my concentration! It won't work, don't you see?! It's too hard! It's like tensing a muscle - I can't keep it up for long! MY CAREER, MY ''LIFE'' - IT ''IS'' GONE! AND I CAN NEVER GET IT BACK! ''[In his rage, Clayface destroys several things in the trailer]'' I'm not an actor anymore! I'm not even... a ''man''! ''[Sobs softly]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Clayface''': Not even the Batman could stop me, Teddy. And that means ''Daggett'' won't have a prayer. :'''Teddy''': Matt, please, you don't wanna do anything crazy. Why don't you try to get some shuteye? :'''Clayface''': ''[growls]'' DON'T YOU DARE PATRONIZE ME!!! I told you I don't need rest! I don't need food! AND I DON'T NEED YOU!!!! ''[grabs Teddy and throws him to a bookcase then walks out the door]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Roland Daggett is at a talk show talking about Renuyu facial cream and the host entertains audience questions]'' :'''Woman''': I'd like to ask Mr. Daggett about the rumors I've heard. I hear he's selling Renuyu through direct marketing because stores won't carry it due to its harmful side effects. :'''[[w:Roland Daggett|Roland Daggett]]''': Well that's, uh, absolutely untrue- :'''Woman''': ''[stands up and approaches him]'' What about the addictive properties of Renuyu, Mr. Daggett? Once you're hooked, you can't stop using it without horrible...''pain''! :'''Daggett''': No! I mean... That's just not so! :'''Woman''': Why don't you show them what an ''overdose'' can do, Daggett?! Why don't you tell them ''[voices goes deeper]'' about ME?! ''[transforms into Clayface]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Batman tricks Clayface into confronting him in a recording room, where he turns multiple screens showing headshots of Clayface's past roles]'' :'''Clayface''': What are you doing?! Stop it! :'''Batman''': Look at them, Hagan. Look at what you used to be. :'''Clayface''': No, no! Turn them off! :'''Batman''': You can play those roles again, Hagan. Let me help you find a cure. :'''Clayface''': ''[begins to shapeshift into his past roles]'' No! Hagan's gone! Make him stop haunting me! ''[begins to uncontrollably shapeshift into his past roles]'' Stop it! Turn them off! I can't control it! I can't be all of them! Not all at once! :''[Batman tries to turn on some more screens, but Clayface knocks him out of the way and smashes the control panels; Clayface yanks off one of the screens and throws it at Batman, who dodges; the screen hits the big screen, causing an explosion; the police arrive to see Clayface in his shapeshifting seizure as he shifts his face into Bruce Wayne]'' :'''Officer''': Mother of mercy! It looks just like Bruce Wayne! :''[Clayface punches through two screens, electrocuting him and reverting back into his true form and he topples over; Batman walks up to Clayface]'' :'''Clayface''': ''[morphs into Matt Hagan]'' You know what I'd have given for a death scene like this? ''[morphs into his scarred form]'' Too bad I won't get to... read the notices. ''[faints and reverts back to his true form.]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Lucius Fox''': I'm just glad to know it wasn't really Bruce Wayne who attacked me. :'''Summer Gleeson''': Thank you, Mr. Fox. All charges against Wayne have, of course, been dropped. And Roland Daggett remains in custody. :''[as Alfred turns off the TV, Batman is experimenting with a piece of Clayface's clay]'' :'''Alfred''': My word, sir. I should think after all this, it would time to rest. :'''Batman''': Look. A piece of clay left behind when they took Hagan's body away. Watch. ''[zaps the clay with electricity, causing it to morph into multiple shapes]'' :'''Alfred''': Electricity has no effect on it? :'''Batman''': Exactly. ''[scene changes to a morgue where a doctor uncovers Clayface's body; voice-over]'' I wouldn't be surprised if the body they took to the morgue was only a shell ''[Clayface's body cracks and crumbles into little pieces]'' Don't forget, first and foremost, Hagan was an actor. ''[scene changes to Teddy outside the hospital]'' He said it himself, Alfred. He called it a scene. Maybe the greatest scene in his career. :'''Teddy''': ''[sadly]'' See you 'round, Matt. ''[walks away]'' :'''Batman''': A death scene so real... it fooled us all. :''[a woman laughs maniacally as her voice grows deeper and her eyes turn yellow, revealing her to be a disguised Clayface]'' ===''Joker's Favor'' [1.22]=== :'''[[w:Joker (comics)|Joker]]''': ''[tosses two pennies on the ground]'' There's your two cents. Now, what are you going to do to me? :'''Charlie''': Listen.... I... O'm sorry, really! I.... I had a bad day. Boss turned down my raise, and... :'''Joker''': Now look, my rude friend! We can't have people cursing at each other on the freeway. It's simply ''not polite''! ''[jumps down and grabs him]'' I'm just going to have to teach you some manners. ''[reaches into his coat]'' :'''Charlie''': Please don't! I have a family, a wife, a little boy! Please! I'll do anything to make it up! Anything! :'''Joker''': Anything, says you? ''[Charlie nods; Joker releases him]'' Okee-dokee! Wallet. :'''Charlie''': Uh, okay. I don't have much cash. :'''Joker''': Oh, please! Don't insult me! ''[takes out driver's license]'' Charles Michael Collins. That's you! Tsk tsk, lousy picture, though. Lousy! Address, height, weight, blah blah blah. ''[tosses the wallet back and keeps the license]'' Righty-o, Chuckers! Here's the deal. I'll let you off if you promise to do a little favor for me. :'''Charlie''': Okay. What? :'''Joker''': ''I DON'T KNOW! I HAVEN'T THOUGHT OF IT YET!'' You just toddle on back to your mundane, meaningless little life, and when I need you, I'll call. Fair? Good? Great! I'll be in touch. ''[walks away, laughing maniacally]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Charlie''': Hello? :'''Joker''': Hello, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': Wrong number, pal. My name is Don. :'''Joker''': Oh, no, no, no. This IS the right number, Charles Michael Collins. Oh, I don't know why you changed your name to Don Wallace and moved your family to 12 Marigold Lane, Springdale, Ohio. One might think you were trying to skip out on our little deal. ''[to Harley Quinn]'' Leave the sideburns. :'''Charlie''': Uh... how did you find me? :'''Joker''': Oh, I never lost you, Chaz. You've become my... HOBBY!! ''[laughs maniacally]'' Now, listen up, Charlie Brown. You're booked on the next flight to Gotham. Tell the family you have to visit a sick friend. Oh, and let's keep this to ourselves, 'kay? Bad things happen to people who gossip, capisce, Carlo? ''[Charlie looks out the window to see Joker's henchmen pull up to his house]'' :'''Charlie''': Yeah... :'''Joker''': Good! See ya! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': You miserable little ''nobody!'' If I get caught, your wife and son are history! :'''Charlie''': You're not getting caught. Not this time. I found this blown out of the van. :''[He pulls one of the Joker's bombs from his jacket, and the Joker looks shocked and afraid]'' :'''Charlie''': This is how it ends, Joker. No big schemes, no grand fight to the finish with the Dark Knight. Tomorrow, all the papers will say is that the great Joker was found blown to bits in an alley, alongside a "miserable little nobody"! ''[chuckles]'' Kinda funny. Ironic, really. See? I can destroy a man's dreams too! And that's really the only dream you've got, isn't it?! :'''Joker''': ''[still scared]'' Look, Charlie, you've had a busy day! All this running around, all this excitement with... ''[yelling out desperately]'' '''''BATMAN!''''' Stop! You... you're crazy! :'''Charlie''': I had a good teacher! ''[chuckles]'' Say goodnight, Gracie! :'''Joker''': ''[terrified, trying to crawl away]'' NO! '''BATMAN! ''BATMAN!''''' ''[sees Batman in the shadows, and gasps with relief and annoyance]'' How long have you been there?! :'''Batman''': Long enough. Put it down, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': You know he'll just escape again! This is the only way my family stays safe! :'''Joker''': All right, you win! Take it easy! ''[surrenders his notebook to Batman]'' Here's everything on his blasted family - names, addresses, it's all there! You're no fun anymore, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': Hey, Joker! ''[throws the bomb at the Joker, who cowers behind Batman - only for the "bomb" to release harmless confetti]'' Gotcha! :''[Batman lets out a short laugh]'' :'''Joker''': ''[dryly]'' Oh, very funny. A million laughs. :'''Batman''': Go home, Mr. Collins. :'''Charlie''': Home. I never thought that could sound so good. I wonder what Bonnie's making for dinner. Right now, anything would taste great. Even meatloaf. ===''Vendetta'' [1.23]=== :'''Batman''': Here's how it works, slimeball. I have questions, and if you have answers, I'll leave you alone. :'''Rupert Thorne''': Oh, I have plenty of answers... thirty-eight caliber answers. Now then, you were saying? :'''Batman''': ''[Using Thorne as a shield]'' I was saying, you'd better hope your men are ''very'' good shots. It's too hot in here. Let's get some air. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Killer Croc''': Terrific. Just what I need now. The freak job in the cape. :'''Batman''': You're no prize yourself. :'''Killer Croc''': ''[strangling Batman]'' What can I tell you now? Being a reptile man ain't pretty... but it's got its upside. Like having the strength of a crocodile, for instance! But I guess you've learned that by now, huh? ''[forcing Batman into the water]'' The hard way. You know, they used to call "Killer Croc" the meanest dude in the Wrestling Federation. Now they'll call him the guy who iced the Batman! :'''Batman''': ''[flip-kicks Killer Croc really hard and gets out of the water]'' Don't hold your breath. ===''Fear Of Victory'' [1.24]=== :'''Mr. Lucky''': Lost? You have that bewildered look, but your sort always does. :'''Thug''': ''[grabs him threateningly]'' I ain't lost. I'm lookin' for you! I wanna know how come you always win, Mr. Lucky. :'''Mr. Lucky''': It's quite simple, actually. I fix the games. :'''Thug''': You can't fix ''all'' those sports. Nobody can! :'''Mr. Lucky''': Oh, ye of little brain, allow me to illustrate. ''[hands the thug an envelope laced in fear toxin]'' Here. You can read, can't you? :'''Thug''': ''[reads it]'' "Boo!" Hey, is this some kinda joke? :'''Mr. Lucky''': It's no joke, I assure you. It's the fear of victory, and the agony of... ''[the thug pulls Mr. Lucky out of the shadows, revealing his true identity]'' '''the Scarecrow!''' :''[The thug gasps in fear, now a victim of his toxin]'' :'''Scarecrow''': So now you understand Step One in how I fix an athletic contest. ''[Scarecrow comes closer to the thug, causing him to fall into some stacks of hay]'' I shall proceed to Step Two! ''[chuckles evilly]'' :'''Thug''': No! NO! GET AWAY! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': There's enough powder in that helmet to panic a pachyderm! He should be postering himself, crying for mercy! :'''Batman''': Change of luck, Scarecrow? :'''Scarecrow''': YOU! :'''Batman''': You're aware that gambling is illegal in Gotham? :'''Scarecrow''': I need the money, Batman! You know the cost of chemicals these days. And it will take much more than this to bring every pathetic person in Gotham to their knees, kissing my feet! ''[reveals a vial of his fear chemical and dangles it above the crowd]'' No closer, Batman! Unless you want a stampede of half-crazed humanity crushing and clawing each other! Now... what guarantee do I have you won't follow me? :'''Batman''': You have my word, Scarecrow. Just don't drop the vial. :'''Scarecrow''': Actually, Batman, I'd prefer a little insurance that you'll be otherwise occupied! ''[drops it]'' ===''The Clock King'' [1.25]=== :'''Fugate''': (after judgment has been passed) No! You can't! I'll be ruined! :'''Judge''': Then perhaps this will teach you to be on time for a change. :'''Batman''': What kind of a saboteur uses a six-thousand dollar Metronex to set a time bomb? :'''Alfred''': A saboteur with too much money? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman:''' Hold it! :'''Fugate:''' Well, well. The Batman. It's about time you showed up! I suppose you want to know why I've brought Downtown Gotham to a standstill, Batman. Hm? Well, let's just say it's because I'm a civic minded citizen with a lot of time on his hands. :'''Batman''': I want some answers, wise guy. Talk! :'''Fugate''': A pity. I don't know what to tell you, Batman - except perhaps that the 9:15 is always six minutes early. :''(He falls off the building and lands safely on the roof of an oncoming train as it speeds away)'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mayor Hill is tied to the hands of a huge clock]'' :'''Clock King''': Comfortable, Hill? Well you won't be for long! At 3:15 on the dot, those hands will come together and you'll be crushed like an insect. 3:15, Hill. Does that time hold any meaning for you? :'''Mayor Hill''': I don't know what you're talking about! :'''Clock King''': You told me to take my coffee break at 3:15. :'''Mayor Hill''': What?! :'''Clock King''': You don't remember?! My ''court date!'' :'''Mayor Hill''': ''[finally realizing]'' Oh my Lord! The lawsuit! Fugate! I swear I was only trying to help! :'''Clock King''': Don't hand me that! You did it on purpose! The plaintiffs were represented by your law firm, Mr. Mayor! :'''Mayor Hill''': But I had nothing to do with that case, Fugate! :'''Clock King''': Not that it matters anymore. Now that you have an appointment to keep, at 3:15 precisely—with the '''Grim Reaper!''' ''[begins laughing maniacally]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I'm here to clean your clock, Fugate. :'''Fugate''': Don't count on it, Batman. When it comes to clocks, ''I'' am king. ''En garde''! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Stop this, Fugate! Hill committed no crime against you! :'''Temple Fugate''': He did worse than that! He made me late! :'''Batman''': Fugate! You can't escape! :'''Clock King''': Au contraire, Batman. You of all people should know, there's always a way out! :''(Fugate begins laughing maniacally as a huge clock wheel falls on him, sending him to his apparent death)'' ===''Appointment In Crime Alley'' [1.26]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': Roland Daggett's up to something, Alfred. :'''Alfred''': That almost goes without saying, doesn't it, sir? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Leslie Thompkins''': This used to be a beautiful street. Good people lived here once. :'''Batman''': ''[placing two roses on the ground]'' Good people still live in Crime Alley. ===''Mad As A Hatter'' [1.27]=== :'''Jervis Tetch''': ''[Discussing the subject of Alice to his lab rats.]'' Of course, intellectually I know it's wrong. After all, she has a boyfriend. Better to withdraw like a gentleman- forget her, turn my heart to other pursuits. ''[Brief pause]'' NEVER! After all, I've created a chip strong enough to control a human brain! It would be so easy to make her forget her boorish beau and love ME! But...that would reduce her to a soulless shell. No...not my Alice. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman has cornered Jervis Tetch, who just subdued Alice with her mindcontrol card and is at a dinner table with him]'' :'''Jervis Tetch/Mad Hatter''': I'll cut that cowl off your neck before you'll take her! I've waited my whole lonely life for her! :'''Batman''': Then all you've waited for is a puppet. A soulless little doll. :'''Mad Hatter''': It didn't have to be this way! You made me do this to her! ===''Dreams In Darkness'' [1.28]=== :'''Batman''': "There's always time to heal", the doctor told me, but he was wrong. There was no time left. Not for me, not for him, and not for Gotham City. And as long as I remained trapped in Arkham, there was nothing I could do, except wait for the end and remember the beginning. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': An entire city, screaming in fear... I wonder if we'll be able to hear it... ===''Eternal Youth'' [1.29]=== :'''Mrs. Thomas''': You wicked, evil- :'''Poison Ivy''': Evil, Mrs. Thomas? I don't control a company that leveled a thousand-year-old forest for a strip mine! THAT'S evil! ''[sprays a gas which causes Mrs. Thomas to become petrified; steals a pair of earrings]'' You and your kind owe Mother Nature a big debt, and I am here to make sure you pay up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': Right now, the bark is merely exoskeletal. It will take months of additional spraying before the transformations become irreversible. But, of course, I have the patience of a redwood. :'''Batman''': ''[snarling]'' And the convictions of a fanatic! :'''Poison Ivy''': Well, if you're not going to be part of the solution, you're obviously part of the problem. Ladies? :''[Ivy's henchwomen begin to spray Batman with the growth formula]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': This spray is triple-strength, Batman! It will start the transformation without any preliminaries! ''[Nothing seems to happen to Batman as he unties his hands]'' He should be sprouting leaves by now! :'''Batman''': ''[Unties his hands and stands up, blocking the spray with his cape as he advances]'' You made your secret too accessible, Ivy! I coated my outfit with a herbicidal antidote! :'''Poison Ivy''': Keep spraying! ''[Violet and Lily back away, still spraying, but Batman subdues them both]'' ===''Perchance To Dream'' [1.30]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[Looking down off the ledge, preparing to jump]'' You're wrong! There IS a way out! :'''Mad Hatter''': Now, now wait just a minute! You don't want to do anything foolish! This isn't an ordinary dream! What if you're wrong?! :'''Bruce Wayne''': '''THEN I'LL SEE YOU IN YOUR ''NIGHTMARES''!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': '''''WHY?''''' Why did you do it?! :'''Mad Hatter''': You, of all people, have the GALL to ask me that? You RUINED MY LIFE! I was willing to give you WHATEVER life you wanted, JUST TO KEEP YOU OUT OF ''MINE!'' <hr width="75%"/> ===''The Cape & Cowl Conspiracy'' [1.31]=== :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Look up "slippery" in the dictionary and you get Josiah Wormwood. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[About the [[w:Bat-Signal|Bat-Signal]]]'' Got a new toy, I see. :'''Gordon''': I figured it might come in handy. ===''[[w:Robin's Reckoning|Robin's Reckoning Part 1]]'' [1.32]=== :''[Robin and Batman are doing a stakeout]'' :'''Robin''': If I knew it was going to take THIS long, I would've brought my homework. You sure about this extortion ring? :'''Batman''': ''[Looking at the construction site through binoculars]'' Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': It's been four hours. :'''Batman''': Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': You still think they'll show? :'''Batman''': Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': Lucky for me, you're such a good conversationalist. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': If you protect him, Stromwell, I'll be very... GRUMPY. [[The Incredible Hulk|You don't want to see me when I'm grumpy]]. ===''[[w:Robin's Reckoning|Robin's Reckoning Part 2]]'' [1.33]=== :'''[[w:Tony Zucco|Tony Zucco]]''': I'm not back in town five minutes - FIVE MINUTES - and he's on my tail. You don't know the Bat. He don't let up! He's the dark angel of death, man, and he wants ME! :'''Mick''': ... Why you, boss? :'''Zucco''': HOW SHOULD I KNOW?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Robin is about to throw Tony Zucco off the pier]'' :'''Tony Zucco''': No, don't! Please... :'''Batman''': Robin! Enough. ''[limps towards him]'' You can't let your emotions get the best of you. :'''Robin''': Stuff your advice, Batman! You and your stone-cold heart! You don't know how I feel. HOW COULD YOU?!? ''[Batman looks at him, and Robin realizes what he said]'' Batman, I didn't mean to... I'm sorry. ''[after he sees the police coming, Robin seemingly readies to throw Zucco off the pier but simply throws him to the ground. The cops arrive and arrest Zucco.]'' You were right, you know, not bringing me along. You knew I'd take it too personally. :'''Batman''': It wasn't that, Robin. It wasn't that at all. Zucco's taken so much, caused you so much pain. I couldn't stand the thought that he might... take you, too. :'''Robin''': ''[putting a hand on Batman's shoulder]'' Come on, partner. It's been a long night. ===''The Laughing Fish'' [1.34]=== :'''Alfred''': ''[seeing Batman with a Joker Fish]'' Dining in tonight, sir? :'''Batman''': ''[sighs]'' The dissection tray, please, Alfred... :'''Alfred''': Any idea what our happy friend is up to now? :'''Batman''': Normal criminals usually have logical motives, but the Joker's insane schemes make sense to him alone. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': Ah-ah-ah-ahem! Look alive, wage slaves. Presenting that caliph of clowns, that mogul of mountebanks, the one and only Joker! :''[The Joker enters, laughing maniacally]'' :'''Francis''': Great Scott! :'''Joker''': Actually, I'm Irish. Good morning, Mister, err, ''[looks at his desk's name plate]'' Francis! Please allow me to introduce my associates. Miss Quinn. :'''Harley Quinn''': ''Enchante''! :'''Joker''': And Messrs, uh... oh, their names escape me for the moment. No matter! We gentlemen of business have arrangements to discuss. :'''Francis''': A... Arrangements? :'''Joker''': ''[drops a Joker Fish onto his desk]'' For my fish, of course! This has all been worked out far in advance, Francis. You are merely the last tiny cog in my grand design! So don't speak to me again, 'kay? Now, what is everyone in town talking about? :'''Francis''': Err... your fish? :'''Joker''': ''[smacks him with the fish]'' I TOLD YOU NOT TO SPEAK! :'''Harley''': ''[sniffs Francis]'' Ooh, fish stink-a-roony! ''[sprays him with a substance from a perfume bottle, making him cough]'' All better! :'''Joker''': As I was saying, since every fish in Gotham now bares my famous and frankly ''fabulous'' face, I should be getting a profit from every fish product sold. ''[one of his thugs pours out a pile of products]'' Let's say a nickel per fish sandwich, fifty cents for sardines - millions of dollars a day to finance my happily hedonistic lifestyle! So which of your tedious copyright forms do I fill out first? You may speak now. :'''Francis''': No one can copyright fish. They're a natural resource. :'''Joker''': But they share my unique face! [[w:Colonel Sanders|Colonel What's-His-Name]] has chickens, and they don't even have moustaches! :'''Francis''': I can't help it, it's the law! :'''Joker''': Oh! Trying to cheat the Joker, are ya?! Well, we'll see who has the last laugh. You have until midnight to change your mind, Francis, or you'll be the poorest fish of all! ''[leaves, laughing madly, with his thugs following]'' :'''Harley''': ''[blows Francis a kiss as she follows]'' Buh-bye! :'''Francis''': He's crazy...! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Francis''': Err, Batman? Why is this happening to me? I've never done anything to this Joker. I'm just a paper-pusher, I can't change the laws. I'm harmless! :'''Batman''': And in his sick mind, that's the joke, Mr. Francis. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Feeling all right? :'''Francis''': ''[scratching himself]'' Oh, sure. It's just that everything's been so crazy today. I haven't even had time to rinse off that gunk the Joker's girl squirted on me... :'''Batman''': ''[to Gordon]'' GET THIS MAN TO A HOSPITAL! ''NOW!'' :'''Francis''': What?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': You're right, Harley. Fish ''are'' disgusting. I think I'll start using my toxin on cattle. Joker Burgers! Ha! Talk about a [[w:McDonald's|Happy Meal!]] <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': ''[after hitting Batman with a big wrench]'' Meanwhile, back at the "wrench"...! Since my sidesplitters don't tickle you, how 'bout a ''skull''-splitter?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After the Joker is seemingly eaten by the shark]'' :'''Harley''': ''[sniffing sadly]'' Oh, my poor, poor puddin'... :'''Bullock''': Come on, he was a demented, abusive, psychotic maniac. :'''Harley''': Yeah... I'm really gonna miss him! ''[sobs into her handkerchief]'' :'''Gordon''': Do you think he's gone for good? :'''Batman''': Believe me, Jim, I wish it were true. But deep inside, I doubt it. ===''Night Of The Ninja'' [1.35]=== :'''[[w:Kyodai Ken|Kyodai Ken]]''': ''[Throwing Bruce]'' Don't be depressed, Wayne-san. You're not bad for a rich man's pampered son. :'''Sensei''': ''[Leaps across room and throws Kyodai]'' There's always someone better, Kyodai. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': His name is Kyodai Ken. He was good. :'''Robin''': Yeah? How good? :'''Batman''': ''[Quickly]'' Good. :'''Robin''': I see. <hr width="80%"/> ===''Cat Scratch Fever'' [1.36]=== :'''Selina Kyle''': Don't tell me you're my very own private probation officer. How often would you like me to check in? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': "Viral Antitoxins". For a plague that doesn't exist, yet, but if the plague is introduced via stray dogs and cats, it will blanket Gotham City within weeks! :'''Roland Daggett''': Days, actually. You know how many strays there are in Gotham, Batman? Three hundred thousand! Imagine if even a tenth of them carried the virus. Not only will this little bottle make me a hero, it'll make me a fortune as well. ===''The Strange Secret Of Bruce Wayne'' [1.37]=== :''[Joker, Two-Face, and Penguin are bidding over Batman's secret identity]'' :'''Two-Face''': $500,000 :'''Penguin''': Poof. Chicken feed. I'll bet a million! :'''Two-Face''': ''TWO'' Million! :'''Strange''': I have two million. Do I hear three? :'''Joker''': Hold it, hold it, HOLD IT! :'''Two-Face''': Get outta my face, clown! :'''Joker''': Which one? :''[An angered Two-Face is about to attack Joker, but Penguin intervenes]'' :'''Penguin''': Gentlemen, it behooves us not to fight amongst ourselves. :'''Joker''': Well put, sardine breath! I think we should ''pool'' our resources on this. $51,240,685! ''[gets out a little coin purse, and pours out some coins]'' And uh, 53 cents. :'''Strange''': Sold! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Strange''': Joker, please! I was set up! Bruce Wayne is Batman! :'''Two-Face''': That's absurd! I know Bruce Wayne. If he's Batman, I'm the King of England! :'''Joker''': And people say I'M crazy! ===''Heart Of Steel Part 1'' [1.38]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': And who's your little friend? :''[Barbara takes a teddy bear out of her purse]'' :'''Barbara Gordon''': Oh, this is Wubby. I've had him forever. Dad won't pick me up at the airport without bringing him along. :'''Commissioner Gordon''': ''[blushing]'' Well... he knows the way better than I do. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': ''[After learning about the AI project]'' Sounds as if the human race could become quite expendable, except for butlers, of course. :'''Batman''': Of course. ===''Heart Of Steel Part 2'' [1.39]=== :'''Randa''': You have immobilized the maker. :'''[[w:HARDAC|HARDAC]]''': His human imperfection endangers the plan. He must be improved upon. <hr width="50%"/> :'''HARDAC''': The maker's concept was sound, but he did not go far enough - which is why I have taken over. ===''If You're So Smart, Why Aren't You Rich?'' [1.40]=== :'''[[w:Riddler|Edward Nygma]]''': ''[Being cheated out of the sales of his game]'' You are a fool, Mockridge, to think you can get away with this! Your amoral greed is no match for an intellect like mine! :'''Mockridge''': Oh, yeah? Then tell me something, Eddie: if you're so smart, why aren't you ''rich?'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman reprograms the Hand of Fate, and uses it to carry himself and Robin to the centre of the maze]'' :'''Riddler''': That is grand-scale CHEATING, Batman! You're not allowed to tamper with the Hand of Fate! :'''Batman''': I don't believe in fate! :'''Riddler''': You probably don't believe in Minotaurs either, but you'll still have to answer the Riddle. :'''Minotaur Robot''': ''I have billions of eyes, yet I live in darkness. I have millions of ears, yet only four lobes. I have no muscles, yet I move two hemispheres. What am I?'' :'''Batman''': ''[pauses in thought]'' That's simple: the human brain. ''[The Minotaur backs away]'' It has billions of optic and auditory nerves, four lobes and two hemispheres, and it's the only thing Edward Nygma respects. :'''Riddler''': A lucky guess, that's all! But it won't save you, Batman! ''[to the Minotaur]'' DESTROY THEM! ===''Joker's Wild'' [1.41]=== :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[as Joker changes the channel in the TV]'' Hey, I was watching that! :'''Joker''': And now you're watching this! :'''Poison Ivy''': Change it back! :'''Joker''': Nope, nope, nope, nope, don't want to. :'''Poison Ivy''': Guard! :'''Security Guard''': What's the problem? :'''Joker''': Don't look now, Sonny Jim, but the plant lady's gone whackers again. :'''Poison Ivy''': He started it! I was just sitting here! :'''Joker''': That's right, you're always blaming me. And the children wonder why we fight! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...the Joker's Wild! :''[Cameron Kaiser cuts the ribbon and unveils a casino with a gigantic Joker head. He is seen spoken to by Summer Gleeson]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': Ugh, that is disgusting! :'''Cameraman''': Psst, Summer! We're on the air! :'''Summer Gleeson''': ''[mortified]'' Oh! Uh... there you have it! Let's get a reaction from the guests. Mr. Wayne? :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[equally nauseated]'' No comment. :'''Summer Gleeson''': Mr. Kaiser, why build a casino seemingly in honor of one of history's most notorious outlaws? :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Summer, please! Wild Joker is a classic symbol, long associated with cards and games. I can't help it if there's a some passing resemblance to some criminal fruitcake. :''[An enraged Joker smashes the television]'' :'''Joker''': How dare that smug, preening fool try to cash in on ''MY'' image! :'''Poison Ivy''': Now who should lighten up? :'''Joker''': Don't get cute with me, Red. He's ripping me off! I'll protest! Yeah! I'll sue! Then I'll rip his lungs out! And I will, too! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': It was a scheme worthy of ''me'', Kaiser, the way you got me riled up and turned me loose on this place! :'''Cameron Kaiser''': You...! You were supposed to destroy the casino! :'''Joker''': Yeah, but then I realized it'd be more fun to get rid of you and run the show myself! :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Bu-But you can't...! :'''Joker''': Oh please, Mr. Kaiser! You of all people should have realized there'd be a Joker in the deck! ''[laughs]'' ===''Tyger Tyger'' [1.42]=== :'''Dorian''': I want to test Tygrus' reflexes and feral strength, and who better to pit him against than you? I'll give you a generous head start before I release Tygrus. If you defeat him, I shall relinquish this, the antigen to reverse Catwoman's mutation. :'''Batman''': How do I know you'll keep your word? :'''Dorian''': You don't. The clock is ticking, Batman. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': So you ''can'' talk. :'''Tygrus''': My father taught me. :'''Batman''': Your father was a test tube. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': Batman! The antidote! I'll be stuck like this forever! :'''Tygrus''': Would that be so bad? You could stay here, with me. :'''Catwoman''': Oh, Tygrus... I can't live like this, I have to be human again. :'''Tygrus''': ''[sadly, taking her hands in his]'' Goodbye, Selina. :''[As he leaves, Catwoman sees that he has given here the serum. She looks overjoyed, then calls out to him]'' :'''Catwoman''': Wait - won't you come with us? There's nothing for you here. :'''Tygrus''': There's nothing for me anywhere. ''[disappears into the falling rain]'' :'''Batman''': ''[in voiceover]'' "[[w:The Tyger|Tyger Tyger burning bright, in the forests of the night: what immortal hand or eye, dare frame thy fearful symmetry?]]" ===''Moon Of The Wolf'' [1.43]=== :'''Professor Milo''': What you're suffering from is an early stage of lycanthropy, more commonly known as werewolfism; for that I have no treatment. However, advanced werewolfism can be cured. :'''Anthony Romulus''': ''[after a wolf howls, Anthony starts transforming]'' Ohhh, you fool! There's no telling what the werewolf might do! :'''Professor Milo''': Hey, ask me if I care. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Do me a favour, shaggy: stay down! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bullock''': No trace of Wolfie! We checked the shoreline for miles! But in four weeks, there's another full moon. Then we'll know for sure. ===''Day Of The Samurai'' [1.44]=== :''[Batman swoops away after rescuing his Sensei's student, Kairi]'' :'''Kairi''': ''[In Japanese]'' Spirit of the bat... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yoru''': If you see Batman, tell him I have great respect for him. :'''Bruce''': Why? He's as much a ninja as Kyodai was. :'''Yoru''': Not so. Batman offered to help his adversary, and a lesser man would have used the secrets of the Onemuri touch against his opponent. Batman is the essence of samurai, Wayne-san. You would do well to remember that. :'''Bruce''': ''[bows]'' Domo arigato, sensei. ===''Terror In The Sky'' [1.45]=== :'''Batman''': Reports of a huge bat creature the size of a man. Remind you of anybody? :'''Alfred''': Present company excluded? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You couldn't leave it alone, could you, March? You've recreated the mutagen. :'''March''': ''[aiming a tranquilizer rifle at him]'' Recreated it? I've ''refined'' it! At night, on my own, so the others wouldn't know. I still believe only a creature like a Man-Bat can survive the next evolutionary cataclysm - and it will! My new serum could be even more powerful than Kirk's! :'''Batman''': ''[after disarming March]'' "''Could'' be"? What do you mean? :'''March''': I needed to test it, but before I had the chance-- :'''Batman''': ''[clearly surprised]'' You mean you ''haven't'' taken it? :'''March''': Of course not! The experimental batch was destroyed. I'll have to-- :'''Batman''': Destroyed? How? :'''March''': I'd been working through the night. I was just completing the final combination. ''[remembers incident at his lab as he drops the beaker of mutagen upon Francine's surprise entry]'' Francine burst in. I was startled. You have to understand I was very tired, I accidentally dropped the beaker. The whole night's work, ruined! Francine never guessed what I was doing, she even helped me clean up the mess. All that... glass! ''[recalls Francine licking her finger after it is pricked by a small shard of glass]'' Oh... oh, my lord... Francine! The mutagen - it's in ''her'' bloodstream now! ''[breaks down at his folly as Batman loads a tranquilizer into a pistol of his and then gives March the formula paperwork]'' :'''Batman''': Is ''that'' what it's going to take? Your daughter's life, before you end this insanity? :''[Later that night, March burns the files]'' ===''Almost Got 'Im'' [1.46]=== :'''Joker''': I want a nice clean game, gentlemen. :'''Penguin''': That'll be a first. So, I hear 'you-know-who' nailed the Mad Hatter last week. :'''Joker''': No kidding. He sure gets around for one guy. :'''Two-Face''': Yeah, well that's where you're wrong. I don't think it IS one guy. :'''[[w:Killer Croc|Killer Croc]]''': Huh? :'''Two-Face''': The way I figure it, Gordon's got a bunch of 'em stashed someplace like a SWAT team. He wants you to think it's one guy, but- :'''Joker''': Meh. You're always seeing double. :'''Penguin''': It's obvious our caped friend suffered some crime-related trauma when he was younger. Perhaps an over-anxious mugger blew off a piece of his face. :'''Joker''': Sure! He could be all gross and disgusting under that mask! ''[as Two-Face crushes a milk carton]'' Uh, no offense, Harv. :'''Two-Face''': Just deal. :'''Killer Croc''': Well, ya know what ''I'' think? :'''Joker''': Not the robot theory again... :'''Killer Croc''': Well, he COULD be. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Two-Face''': Poison Ivy... :'''Poison Ivy''': It's been a long time Harvey. You're still looking...halfway decent. :'''Two-Face''': Half of me wants to strangle ya. :'''Poison Ivy''': And what's the other part want? :'''Two-Face''': To hit you with a truck! :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[to the others]'' We used to date. :'''Penguin/Joker''': Ah. ===''Birds Of A Feather'' [1.47]=== :'''[[w:Penguin (comics)|Penguin]]''': Say, who's there? Two-Face? Croc? Joker, old shoe? :'''Batman''': None of the above, Penguin. :'''Penguin''': Oh no, not you... :'''Batman''': Get used to it. Wherever you go, I'll be right behind you. :'''Penguin''': Precisely where you belong. But you needn't bother. Haven't you heard? I've reformed. Paid my debt to society, and all that. :'''Batman''': We'll see. I just came to tell you to keep your beak clean. :'''Penguin''': ''[grabs a can of rat poison]'' As long as you're here, won't you stay for a cappuccino? :''[Batman gives him an annoyed look before leaving]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Batman defeats a gang of thugs threatening the Penguin and Veronica]'' :'''Batman''': I knew you couldn't stay clean for more than one day. :'''Veronica''': Let him go! He didn't do anything. It was those brutes! :'''Batman''': ''[genuinely surprised]'' He wasn't with them? :'''Penguin''': That's right, you vulgar vigilante! In my day, I associated with a much higher class of riff-raff! :'''Veronica''': I'm so sorry, Ozzie. :'''Penguin''': As long as you weren't bruised, my peach. ''[kisses her hand]'' :'''Batman''': "Peach"? :'''Penguin''': Why don't you be a good masked man and ride off into the night? This time, ''I'll'' clean up after ''you.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Veronica''': Please, Oswald! If it's money you want, I can get you more! :'''Penguin''': ''SHUT UP!'' All I wanted from ''you'', dearie, was a little friendship. That would have cost you ''nothing.'' But now you'll pay! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Veronica''': Oswald? I really was growing fond of you. It's too bad this had to happen. :'''Penguin''': ''[coldly]'' I suppose it's true what they say: society is to blame. ''High'' society. ===''What Is Reality?'' [1.48]=== :'''Batman''': "Where does a 500 pound gorilla sleep?" "What's worse than a millipede with flat feet?" "How do you stuff five elephants into a compact car?" :'''Alfred''': Anywhere it wants, a giraffe with a sore throat, and two in the front seat, two in the back, and one in the trunk. :'''Batman''': Yeah, yeah. I know, I know. Any schoolboy knows those. But brain teasers are the Riddler's M.O. Not corny old jokes like these. :'''Alfred''': Perhaps the questions are the clues, not the answers. For example, they all seem to involve animals. :'''Batman''': Also numbers. A ''500'' pound gorilla. A millipede, meaning a thousand legs. And five elephants. Now let's convert them to Roman numerals. ''[he does, revealing the letters DMV]'' Look! :'''Alfred''': DMV... :'''Batman and Alfred''': Department of Motor Vehicles! :'''Alfred''': But I recall you mentioning he'd already obliterated his records there, so why return? :'''Batman''': For the hard copy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no tales. :'''Batman''': Another riddle, Nygma? :''[Four quarters and a single penny emerge from the return change chute]'' :'''Riddler''': It all makes sense when you add it up! :''[In the Batmobile]'' :'''Alfred''': Four quarters and a penny, sir? :'''Batman''': Penny... Penny... Cent... Red cent... Copper. It's made of copper. :'''Alfred''': And "copper" is another word for a policeman. :'''Batman''': And "no tails" would be heads. Police head... Quarters! :'''Alfred''': Police Headquarters. Bravo, sir! It does make "cents" when you add it up! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': He can't be online! I searched through every file. :'''Riddler''': You searched the software. Had you bothered to examine the hardware you would have discovered a cordless modem line. :'''Riddler''': A pity you can't earn extra lives in this game.Quite an experience being riddled with questions, isn't it, Batman :'''Robin''': Batman don't open that door Crazy Intent means Loco Motion! Batman finds himself on a chessboard: :'''Riddler''':Only Batman can put the King in check and you have to move according to the rules or its the end of the day :'''Robin''':They call you the dark Knight..so you have to move like a knight (If Batman fails to move as a knight it'll be "KNightfall" (!) :'''Riddler''':Careful, vigilante, you know what they say, "Curiosity killed the Bat". :'''Batman''': Can you solve it? :'''Robin''': Are you kidding? You're looking at the guy who solved the Baxter's Box puzzle in 37 seconds! Course, this time I don't have a sledge hammer... After escaping Riddler Virtual realty Traps, Batman tries to rescue Gordon from Riddler :'''Batman''': You may control this world, Nygma, but I still control myself! :'''Riddler''': The name is "Riddler"! Edward Nygma doesn't exist anymore! You may recall that he was once fired by an ungrateful employer! That was a private matter and was meant to remain one! :'''Batman''': Attempted homicide is never a "private matter", Nygma! :'''Riddler''': No, but it would have been if you hadn't interfered and turned Edward Nygma into a fugitive! So I deleted Nygma. Just as I'm about to delete you, Batman. :'''Batman''':Tell me this.. Riddler how can you spread your conscious thirty-two times..and still have the concentration to keep your world together? YOU CAN'T! Batman saves Gordon :'''Riddler''': No....NO..... I can escape that easy...but if the Planet was equitable...I'd still have my old Job....No...wait...I'M ...not Ready.....AHHHHH' :'''Gordon''': But we'll never find him :'''Batman''': I think he left us a clue..."If the planet were equitable, I'd still have my old job". :'''Robin''': Of course. If the "World's Fair," I'd still have my "Ex-position". Oh, give me a break. [Batman, Robin and Gordon find Riddler mind trapped in his virtual realty world] :'''Batman''': Looks like he didn't escape his virtual reality in time. :'''Robin''': You mean he's been trapped inside his own program? :'''Batman''': Could be and how to get him out may be a riddle no one can solve. ===''I Am The Night'' [1.49]=== :'''Batman''': A weary body can be dealt with. But a weary spirit? That's something else. Sometimes, old friend, I wonder if I'm really doing any good out there. :'''Alfred''': How can you doubt it? The lives you've saved, the criminals you've brought to justice-- :'''Batman''': I've put out a few fires, yes. Won a few battles. But the war goes on, Alfred. On and on... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Leslie Thompkins''': You seem quieter than usual tonight. :'''Batman''': Every year, I come here and wonder if it should be the last time. If I should put the past behind me, try to lead a normal life. :'''Dr. Thompkins''': [[George Santayana|Santayana]] says, "Those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it." :'''Batman''': He also said a fanatic is someone who redoubles his efforts while losing sight of his goal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I chose this life. I use the night - I ''became'' the night. Sooner or later, I'll go down. It might be the Joker, or Two-Face, or just some punk who gets lucky. My decision, no regrets. But I can't let anyone else pay for my mistakes. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': "[[Friedrich Nietzsche|When you look too long into the abyss, the abyss looks back through you.]]" Maybe it's time for Batman to return to the night that spawned him, before anyone else gets hurt! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[grabs Wizard]'' Up to your old tricks, I see. How about returning that suitcase to its owner? :'''Wizard''': Hey, man, I ''am'' the owner. :''[Batman, surprised, lets him go]'' :'''Wizard''': Y'know, I was kinda hoping I'd run into you. I'd been in those places like where you left me before. Heard the rap, wasn't impressed. But this time, it made sense. Maybe I was ready to hear it. So I'm heading back home. I guess I kinda owe it to you, Batman. You probably saved my life. I'll bet you hear this all the time. Look, I'm gonna miss my bus, I'll see you around. And... thanks. :''[Batman smiles as he watches Wizard leave]'' ===''Off Balance'' [1.50]=== :'''[[w:Talia al Ghul|Talia]]''': My contact lenses! I lost them when we fell! They counter the distortion effect. Without them, I'm as helpless as you. :'''Batman''': I don't do helpless. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Ra's al Ghul|Ra's al Ghul]]''': So even in defeat, the detective manages to achieve some small measure of victory. As you said, detective: this is not over. ===''The Man Who Killed Batman'' [1.51]=== :'''Joker''': You know, there's just one thing bothering me about your story, Sid. No body. No BATUS DELECTI so to speak. We need to pull a job tonight just to make sure. :'''Murphy, Joker's henchman''': Make sure what, boss? :'''Joker''': ''[surprised by Murphy's question]'' Why that old Batsy's bought the cave of course, and one more thing Murphy.....''[turning more annoyed]'' don't ask stupid questions. ''[pushes Murphy to the hyenas who scratch and lick him crazily, to Joker's satisfaction]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': I'll get the mop. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': When the cops come, stall them for awhile, just until Batman arrives. '' Got it?'' :'''Henchman''': Right, boss. :'''Joker''': ''[to Murphy, still scarred from the hyenas]'' Any questions, Murph? :'''Murphy''': No sir! :'''Joker''': ''[to Sid The Squid]'' Good man. And if Batman hasn't ''really'' gone to his final reward, ''we'll'' see that he gets there! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Dear friends... today is the day the Clown cried. And he cries not for the passing of one man, but for the death of a dream. The dream that he would someday taste the ultimate victory over his hated enemy. For it was the Batman who made me the happy soul I am today. How I agonized over the perfect way to thank him for that. Perhaps with a cyanide pie in the face. Or an exploding whoopie-cushion playfully planted in the Batmobile. But those dreams were dashed by the weaselly little gunsel sitting there in our midst. The cowardly insignificant gonif who probably got lucky when Batman slipped on the slime trail this loser left behind him. This mound of diseased hyena filth who's not fit to lick the dirt from my spats...! But I digress. The time for sorrow has passed. It's time to look to a future filled with smiles. And I'll be smiling again just as soon as we take that man THERE...and slap him in that box THERE...and roll him into that vat of acid THERE! Well that was fun...who's for Chinese?! ===''Mudslide'' [1.52]=== :'''Clayface''': ''[After civilians flee in terror upon seeing his true form]'' That's right, run! Run for your measly lives! Run from Clayface! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Clayface''': You've upstaged me for the last time, Batman. Time to bring down the curtain! ===''Paging The Crime Doctor'' [1.53]=== :'''Rupert Thorne''': You think you iced the Batman, huh? Heh heh heh... Not on your best day, Jake! I'd cover my back if I were you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce Wayne''': Bruce Wayne, Dr. Thorne. Thomas Wayne's son. Did you get my letter? :'''[[w:Joseph Campanella|Matthew Thorne]]''': Yes. Thomas Wayne... :'''Bruce Wayne''': I told you I can help with your legal costs, maybe even put in a good word with the judge. :'''Matthew Thorne''': Yes, but what do you get out of it? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Well, there is something you can do for me. :'''Matthew Thorne''': I knew it! I knew there'd be a catch. Sorry, Mr. Wayne. Matthew Thorne is no longer for sale! :'''Bruce Wayne''': I'm not looking for any illegal favors. :'''Matthew Thorne''': What then? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Something you know. Something only you can give me. ''[pause]'' Tell me about my father. :''[Dr. Thorne grins and camera pans out as he ushers Bruce to resume his seat]'' ===''Zatanna'' [1.54]=== :'''[[w:Zatanna|Zatanna]]''': What do you care about some leggy dame in nylons- or have I just answered my own question? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zatanna''': ''[About Batman's mask]'' What happened that made you put this on? :'''Batman''': A painful memory, and a promise. ===''The Mechanic'' [1.55]=== :'''The Penguin''': ''[furious at his men for stealing the wrong stamps by mistake]'' These are terrible! Terrible! :'''Eagleton''': ''[indignant]'' Come on, boss. Give me a break. We got you the stamps. What more do you want? :'''The Penguin''': ''[tossing the worthless stamps angrily]'' I wanted the rare ones! The reversed Audubons! These aren't worth enough to pay for the repairs to the limousine. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Earl Cooper''': ''[sees the damaged Batmobile]'' You been letting the kid drive again? :'''Robin''': Ha ha. Actually we were playing chicken with a penguin. :'''Batman''': Or three of his men. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Penguin is scrubbing license plates in prison]'' :'''Penguin''': ''[reading one]'' "1 BAT 4U"?! ''[breaks it in anger]'' ===''Harley and Ivy'' [1.56]=== :'''Joker''': NO, we didn't get the diamond! The Dork Knight showed up before we even got to the museum! I had a great shot at him, too. Except... my dear little Harley Quinn handed me the wrong gun! :'''Harley Quinn''': But puddin', it was kinda funny watching you shoot at him with the bang flag! ''[Rocco and Henshaw can't help laughing then stifle it as the Joker glares at them]'' :'''Joker''': ''[turning back to Harley]'' Funny? You presume to tell me what I should think is funny?!? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[Poison Ivy trips the alarm, spoiling and hers and Harley Quinn's separate robberies]'' Nice going, butterfingers! Why not turn on the Bat-Signal while you're at it? :'''Poison Ivy''': I wasn't TRYING to get caught! :'''Harley Quinn''': Could've fooled me! Hey, aren't you that plant lady Poison Oakie? :'''Poison Ivy''': Ivy! Poison IVY, not Oakie! :'''Harley Quinn''': Sorry! Harley Quinn, please to meet ya! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Poison Ivy is about to give an injection to Harley Quinn]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': I hate shots! I hate shots! :'''Poison Ivy''': Now, now. You're not immune to poison like I am, and you won't last ten minutes here in Toxic Acres without my antidote. ''[gives the injection]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': Oooh! Whew, you'd think after livin' with Mr. J, I'd be used to a little pain. :'''Poison Ivy''': Why do you put up with that clown? :'''Harley Quinn''': Don't get me wrong. My puddin's a little rough sometimes, but he loves me, really. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[sarcastically]'' Sure he does. You're just one big, forgiving doormat, aren't you? :'''Harley Quinn''': I am NOT a doormat! ...Am I? :'''Poison Ivy''': If you had a middle name, it would be Welcome. But cheer up, kid. You just need some lessons in good old female self-esteem. In other words, let's play with the boys on ''our'' terms. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': That should keep you big strong men busy while we weak little girls loot your trophy room. :'''Harley Quinn''': Gee, Ives, you got style! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[sighs softly]'' No offense, Ives, but I'm not very hungry. Somehow I don't feel like my old perky self. Something's missing. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[angrily slams her form on Harley's plate]'' Will you stop?! I can't believe you're still mooning over that psychotic creep! :'''Harley Quinn''': Well, maybe I'd feel better if I knew he missed me, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': HARLEY!!! This place is going to blinking blue blazes! Anybody seen my socks?! '''HARLEY!!!''' ''[the hyenas snarl at Joker]'' OH!! They snapped at me! What's going on, Rock? This place is a mess, no one's fed the hyenas and I can't find my socks! Where's Harley?! :'''Rocko''': Y-y-ya canned her, boss. Remember? :'''Joker''': So? She's always come back before. :'''Rocko''': Gee... I guess ya ain't seen the papers then. :'''Joker''': Papers?! What are you babbling about?! ''[snatches the newspaper from Rocko and reads an article of Harley's partnership with Poison Ivy]'' '''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!''''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[to Poison Ivy]'' I remember when I would go driving like this with Mr. J. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[imitating Harley Quinn]'' "Mr. J, Mr. J." Oh, change the record, Harl! You wanna be some wacko's victim the rest of your life?! ===''Shadow Of The Bat Part 1'' [1.57]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[indignant after reading about James Gordon's arrest]'' We'll see about this. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara Gordon]]''': So Batman can't help me? Fine. Let's see what Batgirl can do! ===''Shadow Of The Bat Part 2'' [1.58]=== :'''Two-Face''': Don't get wise with me, Mason. Remember who got you set up as Gordon's assistant? :'''Gil Mason''': Right, Harvey, right. :'''Two-Face''': ''[grabs him]'' Don't call me that! It's TWO-FACE to you, pretty boy! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I should've known it would be Two-Face. It's a perfect two-part plan. He consolidates the gangs while Mason takes over the police. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Gil Mason is about to murder James Gordon to become commissioner, and later mayor]'' :'''Gil Mason''': It's business, Jim. Nothing personal. Matter of fact, I respect you, I do. But a fellow has to take his opportunities where he finds them. And with you out of the way, I'll be mayor inside of a year! :'''Gordon''': You're SICK, Gil! ''[glances at Two-Face]'' A lot sicker than him! At least I can see his bad half! :'''Mason''': Sorry you feel that way. At least you won't have to worry about Barbara. I'll take good care of her. She's very fond of me, you know. :'''Gordon''': You piece of scum! I may not be able to stop you, but I know someone who will! :'''Mason''': I wouldn't get your hopes up. You see, there's been a recent decline in the bat population... ===''Blind As A Bat'' [1.59]=== :'''Penguin''': Your aim appears to be a little off today, Batman. I don't think you could hit the broad side of a barn, let alone the broad side of this bird! You're blind as a bat. Sightless and helpless. :'''Batman''': You've got ''one'' right. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': You have a call on your private line. :'''Bruce''': Then let's go! :'''Alfred''': In your condition, sir? :'''Bruce''': If you think a little inconvenience like this is going to stop me... :''[he knocks over a lamp]'' :'''Alfred''': Indeed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': ''[contacting Mayor Hill's office from the Raven]'' Quite a machine, this Raven. Amazing what its communications equipment can do. Don't you agree? You've received my instructions? :'''Mayor Hill''': They arrived by messenger this morning. You know, one-hundred million is a a lot of money. It'll take time to raise that much. :'''Penguin''': You're stalling, Hill. Obviously, you're not taking me seriously. I've warned you not to make that mistake. Apparently, I'll have to show you why. :''[shuts off communication and Hill angrily snaps his pencil in half]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Hill''': Just what I was afraid of. According to the controller's office, we can't come close to putting that ransom together. Not without shutting down basic municipal services. :'''Detective Bullock''': So what other options do we got? :'''Batman''': ''[emerging from the shadows]'' None, gentlemen. Which is why you're going to do exactly what the Penguin wants you to. ===''The Demon's Quest Part 1'' [1.60]=== :'''Ra's al Ghul''': As [[W:Napoleon|Napoleon]] told me, "A strong will can fuel a frail physique." <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Look at it, detective. One of the last of the rainforests. The world depends upon its oxygen, yet the rich see only profit in its destruction. You, who belong to the overclass, have much to answer for. :'''Batman''': Bruce Wayne donates millions of dollars a year to preserve these forests. :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Which are being depleted at the rate of 120,000 acres a day. Does your money solve this problem? No! It will take more than wealth. It will take power, and I fear, ruthlessness. Humankind must be forced to serve the planet instead of its own appetites. :'''Batman''': And you're the one who'll do the forcing? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': I am... qualified, yes. But I may not have sufficient lifetimes left to me. ===''The Demon's Quest Part 2'' [1.61]=== :'''Ubu''': Infidel! :'''Batman''': If you only knew how sick I am of you calling me that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ra's al Ghul''': The material of the Pit is an unknown chemical stew that bubbles to the Earth's surface only in certain key places. Even now, my people are placing bombs, such as that one, over the various Lazarus Pits around the world. These bombs are electronically linked to a private satellite already in Earth orbit. :'''Batman''': ''Orpheus''. :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Precisely. And at the moment when sun and moon are in proper alignment to cause the greatest upheaval in Earth's geomagnetic field, I shall send a signal to that satellite, beginning a countdown. Five minutes thereafter, one bomb will be lowered deep into the heart of each Pit. The satellite will in turn relay a microwave signal that will detonate all the bombs simultaneously. The multiple explosions will result in a global chain reaction. All the Lazarus Pits throughout the world will overflow. The globe will be saturated with their chemical solution, and when the resultant cataclysm has abated, there will come a blessed peace, and this poor, defiled planet shall find itself restored to its former pristine glory. :'''Batman''': But that will cost countless lives! :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Actually, Detective, we ''have'' counted: Two billion, fifty-six million, nine hundred and eighty-six thousand! A most impressive plan, would you not agree? :'''Batman''': Yes... I can see it clearly now for the first time. You are completely out of your mind. ===''His Silicon Soul'' [1.62]=== :'''Rossum''': You don't understand. You're not a man's mind in a robot's body. You're a robot. Period. :'''Bat-Duplicant''': You're lying! It's not possible! I know my family and friends! I remember names, faces, birthdays! I have memories! A past! :'''Rossum''': You have information. Data. Nothing more. Do you remember your first kiss? Your favorite song? The last time you tasted a really good steak? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[about the duplicant]'' Could it be it had a soul, Alfred? A soul of silicon, but a soul nonetheless. ===''Fire From Olympus'' [1.63]=== :'''Stavros''': Please! It's not what you think. I wasn't going to say anything. Honest! :'''[[w:Maxie Zeus|Maximillion "Maxie" Zeus]]''': Silence! First, you transgress against me. Then, you force me to descend to the mortal plane. And now, you tell me I know not what I think?! :'''Stavros''': No! :'''Zeus''': To the depths of Tartarus with you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zeus''': You bore me with these tales of petty human concerns. :'''Clio''': ''[annoyed]'' You're doing it again, Max. :'''Zeus''': You are Clio, my muse of history. Amuse me with tales of ancient times when mortals trembled at the name of Zeus. :'''Clio''': You want a story? I got one. Seems there was this guy named Max who, because he'd been lucky so far in the smuggling racket, believed himself to be untouchable, superior, godlike... :'''Zeus''': There's a cynical edge to your voice I don't appreciate. Know you not, I am above mortal constraints of right and wrong? :'''Clio''': No one is above the law, Max. :'''Zeus''': I make my own laws! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zeus''': Begone, Lord [[w:Hades|Hades]]. Get thee back to thine own realm. Do not come again to Olympus until bidden! :'''Batman''': I think I get the message. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Clio''': ''[telling Batman about Zeus]'' He wasn't always this way, you know. But then business got bad and he started handling cargo for the mob. After a while, with the pressure, the tension... things got confused. He's not living in the real world anymore. ''[awkwardly]'' Maybe you can relate to that? :'''Batman''': ''[after a short silence]'' You're the only one who can get me close enough to help him - while some of the man you knew still exists. ===''Read My Lips'' [1.64]=== :'''Batman''': How do you think I found this place? The phone book? I had help. ''Inside'' help. :'''[[w:Ventriloquist (comics)|Scarface]]''': My premonition! I knew I was right! Which one of you louses is it?! :'''Rhino''': It ain't me boss! :'''Scarface''': I know it ain't you, Rhino! You're too stupid to be a traitor! :'''Rhino''': Thanks, boss. :'''Scarface''': But whoever it is, they're gonna pay big time! Who is it?! You don't talk, you get the ultimate massage! :'''Batman''': And if I tell? :'''Scarface''': Maybe you just get run over by a truck. :'''Batman''': Tempting, but no. :'''Scarface''': Have it your way. Rhino! :''[Rhino gets ready to pull the lever to lower Batman to a pit of mannequins with razor-sharp fingernails]'' :'''Batman''': Hold it! :'''Scarface''': This is gettin' old, Bats. Last chance, who's the traitor? :'''Batman''': Him! The Ventriloquist! :''[everyone glares at the Ventriloquist]'' :'''Ventriloquist''': No, no! He's lying! I told you when he came into my room! :'''Scarface''': So what? Maybe you did 'cause I had ya cornered. Heard ya talkin' to Batman. :'''Batman''': ''[uses his own ventriloquism to imitate the Ventriloquist]'' Shut up, you blockhead! :'''Scarface''': WHAT DID YOU SAY?! :'''Ventriloquist''': It wasn't me! I didn't say that! My lips didn't move! :'''Scarface''': So what?! You're a ventriloquist! You're also a lyin' yellow liver-bellied two-face! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, Scarface! I'm loyal! I'd never! :'''Batman''': He's been feeding me information, in return for legal protection. ''[imitates the Ventriloquist again]'' You're going up the river, sawdust-for-brains! :'''Scarface''': Why, I oughta...! Waste the floor-flusher! Come on, I gave an order! ICE HIM! DO IT! DO IT NOW! :'''Muggsy''': But, boss, we ventilate the Ventriloquist, your, y'know... :'''Scarface''': I'M SURROUNDED BY TRAITORS! Okay, fine. Ya want something done right, do it yourself! ''[aims his gun at the Ventriloquist]'' ===''The Worry Men'' [1.65]=== :'''Veronica''': If ever someone led a worry-free life, it's you, Bruce Wayne. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce''': Tell me, Alfred: what's an ancient Mayan witch doctor doing on a Gotham skyscraper? :'''Alfred''': This isn't one of those Riddler questions, is it? :'''Bruce''': No, but it's just as confusing. <hr width="50%"/> :''[As Batman attempts to escape from his guillotine]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Oh, you're a clever one! But I will not be denied! As the great [[w:Lewis Carroll|Lewis Carroll]] said: "[[w:Jabberwocky|One, two, one, two, and through and through the vorpal blade went snicker-snack! He left it dead, and with its head, he went galumphing back!]]" <hr width="50%"/> :''[Freed from his mind control, the Mad Hatter's jaguar gang turn on him]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Stop! :'''Shaman''': Yes, stop. Leave him to the police. :'''Mad Hatter''': Thank you. Thank you, you generous, forgiving, ''[draws a gun from his hat]'' noble fool! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': I must say, after all the Hatter put him through, that fellow showed remarkable restraint. :'''Bruce''': When everything was said and done, all the shaman really wanted was to go home. In fact, I hear he even sent the Hatter a farewell gift. :''[The Hatter is seen tossing and turning in bed in Arkham]'' :'''Bruce''': Something to ensure that Jervis Tetch only dreams of a good honest life from now on. :''[A Batman doll is revealed from under the Hatter's pillow]'' ==Season 2== ===''Sideshow'' [2.1]=== :'''Killer Croc''': You know, there's something the brains back at the joint didn't think about. :'''Prison Guard''': Yeah, what's that? :'''Killer Croc''': Crocodile's got the strongest jaws of any animal around. ''[bites his handcuffs in half]'' :'''Prison Guard''': ''[spits the coffee out of his mouth and pins Croc with the shotgun]'' Get back! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman arrives with his shadow. Goliath wakes up and Batman covers Goliath's mouth by calming him down]'' :'''Batman''': Calm down, I won't hurt you. I'm just looking for someone: half man, half crocodile. ''[Goliath looks over worriedly]'' He's in there, isn't he? :'''Goliath''': ''[Pushes Batman to the cage]'' No! Stay away! ''[Holds him against it]'' He's one of us. Croc, run! :'''Batman''': ''[Kicks Goliath into the stomach]'' I don't wanna hurt you. :'''Goliath''': Don't worry, you won't. ''[Hits Batman with the big punch and Batman and Goliath starts fighting]'' :'''Killer Croc''': ''[Comes out of the house]'' You. ''[Gives Batman a spear]'' :'''Billy''': Richard, help! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Billy the Seal Boy''': Why, Croc? Why'd you turn on us like that? We could have helped you, we could have done something. :'''Killer Croc''': You said you can be yourself out here, remember? Well, I guess that's what I was doing - being myself. ===''A Bullet For Bullock'' [2.2]=== :'''Bullock''': Let's get something straight from the get-go. I think you're a freak and a menace, and those are your ''good'' points. But the commish says you serve a purpose, so I go along. :'''Batman''': I appreciate your honesty. What's the problem? :'''Bullock''': Somebody's got it in for me. Tried to give me a fender massage last night. It ain't the first time. Last week too. :'''Batman''': Any suspects? :'''Bullock''': So many, they could have their own zip code. I've put a lot of guys away, and they hate me for it. Looks like one of them hates me enough to do something about it. :'''Batman''': Why me? Why not just go to the department? :'''Bullock''': I step on a lot of toes. I don't want Internal Affairs looking at me too close. They might find some things I don't want found. :'''Batman''': Are you on the take? :'''Bullock''': Watch it, freak! I never took a dime from nobody! I just bend the rules a little sometimes, you understand. We're not all that different. :'''Batman''': We're on the same side, but we're ''not'' the same. I'll help you find out who's after you, but you've got to collar them clean. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': We ''are'' speaking of the same person, are we not? Harvey Bullock? The detective who looks like an unmade bed? :'''Batman''': The same. :'''Alfred''': He came to ''you'' for help? It must be serious. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Montoya''': Bullock? You okay? You don't look so good. I mean, you never look good, but today you look worse. :'''Bullock''': After fifteen years working in this cesspool, I'd like to see how good ''you'' look! <hr width="50%"/> :''[In the Batmobile]'' :'''Bullock''': Nice starship you got here. What's this for? ''[points towards a button]'' :'''Batman''': Passenger ejector seat. :''[Bullock withdraws nervously, while Batman smirks slightly]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bullock''': By the way, I still think you're a freak, but... thanks. ===''Trial'' [2.3]=== :'''Two-Face''': Basic fifty-fifty option. You get him off, you both go free. He goes down, you take the fall with him. :'''Mad Hatter''': Amusing idea, what? Kidnapping you to be Batman's attorney? :'''Two-Face''': Personally, I suggested a quick slug between the eyes... but I lost the coin toss. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarface''': Court is now in session! The Good People of Arkham Asylum vs. the Self-Righteous Vigilante Called Batman! Our prosecutor is ready, likewise our fair and impartial jury. :'''Mad Hatter''': Hang him! :'''Harley''': Shoot him! :'''Killer Croc''': Hit him with a rock! :'''Scarface''': And now, all rise for the most honorable, most benevolent, most merciful Judge Joker! :'''Joker''': GUILTY! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I was promised a chance to defend my client! :'''Joker''': Oh, very well. Like it'll make a difference. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I suppose that you, like your friends, claim that Batman ''drove'' you to be a criminal? :'''Mad Hatter''': He did. :'''Janet Van Dorn''': And yet, as I recall in your case, you brainwashed and kidnapped a woman who rejected you. :'''Mad Hatter''': Batman forced me to do it! He was going to take her away from me! I had no choice! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': You could have respected her wishes and left her alone. :'''Mad Hatter''': I'D HAVE KILLED HER FIRST! ''[gasps and covers his mouth, then turns to the Joker]'' I'd like that last statement stricken from the record, please. :'''Joker''': Record? Is someone supposed to be writing this down? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': And so it's Batman's fault you lead a life of crime? :'''Poison Ivy''': He should have let me bump off Harvey Dent. We'd all have been better off - wouldn't we, Harv? :'''Two-Face''': ''[muttering while flipping his coin]'' Why, you rotten little... :'''Janet Van Dorn''': But Miss Isley, isn't the real motivation for your crimes your obsession with plants? That you prefer them to people? :'''Poison Ivy''': I love plants, honey, but a rose is a rose. :'''Janet Van Dorn''': Then it doesn't bother you when someone, let's say the judge here, ''[plucks the flower from the Joker's robe]'' ruthlessly ''plucks'' a defenceless flower from the warm green earth? :'''Poison Ivy''': No! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': Even knowing he's given it his death sentence? That its petals must die? ''[starts pulling its petals out]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': Stop it...! :'''Poison Ivy''': One by one, withering, falling. One by one till it's all gone, ''honey.'' :''[She crushes the flower so that it crumbles apart. Ivy shrieks with rage and attacks her, and the Scarecrow and Mad Hatter rush in to restrain her]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Miss Ivy, please! :'''Scarface''': You look beautiful when you're angry. :''[Ivy smacks the Ventriloquist in the face, and Scarface laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I used to believe Batman was responsible for you people. But now I see nearly everyone here would have ended up exactly the same, Batman or not. Oh, the gimmicks might be different, but you'd all be out there in some form or another bringing misery to Gotham. The truth is, ''you'' created ''him.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Well done, counsellor. You've proven that Batman ''didn't'' create us - that we, in fact, messed up our own rotten lives! And as we are so rotten, vile and depraved... we're going to waste you anyway! :''[The inmates cheer and close in on Batman and Janet]'' :'''Joker''': [[w:Porky Pig|A-bi-a-bi-a-bi, that's all, folks!]] ''[bangs down a rubber chicken]'' Let's mambo! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I see now there's a need for the things you do. But I'm still going to work towards a city that doesn't need Batman. :'''Batman''': ''[smiling]'' Me too. ===''Avatar'' [2.4]=== :'''Lucius Fox''': Without a doubt, this will be one of the best museum exhibitions Gotham City has ever seen. You can be quite the humanitarian on occasion, Bruce. It's commendable. It's inspiring. :'''Bruce''': It's deductible. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce''': You've got a serious priority problem, Ra's. What can be in that tomb that's more valuable than the love of your daughter? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Power, detective. The power once held by almighty Thoth-Khepera, Queen of Two Continents. :'''Bruce''': You surprise me, Ra's. The world's oldest chauvinist chasing after a woman? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Thoth-Khepera was not simply a woman, detective, nor merely a ruler. Through her flowed the power of the gods. With no more than a gesture, she controlled the force of life and death, and with it, she kept a nation under her thumb for one thousand years. :'''Bruce''': You sound like a bad Saturday afternoon serial, Ra's. This is sheer nonsense. :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': No, detective - I know there is a power there to be tapped! My six hundred years of life are proof of that power. :''[Bruce and Talia are trapped in a glass booth]'' :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Farewell, detective. Farewell, Talia. It is said that one finds one's immortality in one's offspring. Alas, I know that to be a lie. ===''House and Garden'' [2.5]=== :'''Batman''': She's done nothing more incriminating than return an overdue video - even paid the late fee. :'''Alfred''': Could it be Ivy truly has reformed? :'''Batman''': I want to believe it. Why can't I? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You haven't changed a bit. :'''Poison Ivy''': Yes, I have. I meant it when I said I wanted a family that loves me. I just wanted it on my terms. :'''Robin''': Lady, you're nuts! :'''Poison Ivy''': Well, that's ''your'' opinion. Probably the last one you'll ever have, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': I'm just sorry she got away. :'''Batman''': Me too, Robin. But I don't think we'll see her again anytime soon. :''[The real Ivy is shown escaping on a plane out of Gotham, looking through a scrapbook]'' :'''Batman''': Ivy lost everything she had, everything she said she ever wanted. For what it's worth, I believed her when she told me that for the first time in her life... she was happy. :''[Ivy sheds tears as she looks at a photo of her wedding]'' ===''The Terrible Trio'' [2.6]=== :'''Warren''': Is this all you do for kicks, Bruce? Charity work? :'''Bruce''': Well, I do have a night life. Pull! ''[shoots down a clay pigeon]'' Besides, it's important to help others. It may sound corny, but hey, it's how I feel. :'''Warren''': You must recognize that you are a superior animal, Bruce. A member of the elite. Pull! ''[shoots down another clay pigeon]'' Take my Delta brothers and me. Why, we've run with the bulls! :'''Armand''': Shot game from hot air balloons! :'''Gunther''': Killed a great white! :'''Warren''': We've done it all. Ah, therein lies the problem. After all, what do the rajas do when there are no more tigers to hunt? :'''Bruce''': I'm sure you'll think of something, Warren. ''[leaves]'' :'''Warren''': Dollar for dollar, that has to be the dullest man in Gotham City. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Scoundrels like these are worse than the Joker. At least he's got madness as an excuse! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Let's go, Fox. You've raided your last chicken coop. :'''Warren''': Wait, wait a minute! We can make a deal! A million dollars to let me go! ''Ten'' million! Think about it. Buys a lot of Batarangs! :'''Batman''': ''[unimpressed]'' Your money's no good here. :'''Warren''': Okay, fine! Go ahead, take me in, hero! I've got every judge in town in my pocket! You'll see! I'll get justice! The best that money can buy! :''[Next, Warren is seen being ushered into a cell at Stonegate, where his burly new cellmate gives him a menacing look]'' ===''Harlequinade'' [2.7]=== :'''Harley''': ''[in handcuffs]'' I sense a lack of trust. :'''Robin''': Are you sure you don't need help keeping Zippy under control? :''[Harley picks the lock on her cuffs while Batman speaks]'' :'''Batman''': I'm fine. Besides, I need you to be ready if Gordon's men get any leads. I'll signal if there's trouble. :'''Robin''': You got it. :'''Harley''': I wanna listen to the radio! ''[reaches for the controls]'' :'''Batman''': DON'T--! :''[Harley Quinn deploys a parachute, causing the Batmobile to swerve wildly. When the Batmobile stops, Batman is furious]'' :'''Harley''': ''[timidly]'' Oops... :'''Batman''': Listen, and listen good. You don't touch anything, say anything, or DO ANYTHING UNLESS I TELL YOU! GOT IT?! :'''Harley''': Yes, sir. :'''Batman''': ''[turns away, Harley begins making faces at him]'' So far, Joker hasn't been seen in any of his old hideouts. I want you to show me the last place he used when he escaped. ''[catches her making a face, which she replaces with a sheepish grin]'' :'''Harley''': Okay! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Instead of taking you, the cops, and the Batman down separately? I'm gonna blast you all at once! ''[takes out his phone and speaks into it]'' Send down the plane, boys! We're blowing town! Literally. ''[gets off the phone]'' :'''Mayor''': But all those innocent people... :'''Joker''': Some joke on them, eh? Think of it as the ultimate punchline! Ha ha ha ha ha! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': It's lucky you were here, Quinn. The countdown sequence didn't leave Joker enough time to swing by Arkham and pick you up. :'''Joker''': Quiet, brat. :'''Harley''': You ''were'' gonna come for me, weren't you, Puddin'? :'''Joker''': Of course, pumpkin-pie! It's just that... well, here you are, so I can, err, save myself the trip! :'''Harley''': But what about all our friends, Ivy and Two-Face and... Hat-Guy and Lizard-Man and Puppet-Head and-- ''[Joker shoves her into the plane]'' :'''Joker''': What about them? :'''Batman''': Don't forget your little pets! :'''Harley''': ''[gasps]'' The babies! We can't leave the babies! :'''Joker''': ''[shoves Harley into the plane again]'' I'll buy you a goldfish! Let's go! :'''Harley''': ''[struggling]'' NO! :'''Joker''': Why, you little...! :''[Harley kicks him in the face]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley''': ''[points the gun against Joker]'' Freeze, clown! :'''Batman''': Quinn, stop! :'''Harley''': He's mine, Bats! :'''Joker''': ''[grinning]'' You wouldn't dare. You don't have the guts! Not in a million years would you-- :''[Harley pulls the trigger - and a flag that reads "Rat-Tat-Tat" comes out of the barrel. The Joker stares at her for a moment, and throws his arms wide to embrace her]'' :'''Joker''': Baby, you're the greatest! ===''Time Out Of Joint'' [2.8]=== :'''Mayor Hill''': You! How did you get past-- :'''The Clock King''': Good evening, Mayor! Nice to see you again too. And whose life are you ruining now? A poor pensioner? A malnourished orphan, perhaps? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Hill''': Please, Fugate, don't hurt me! :'''The Clock King''': If it's any comfort, my revenge will encompass more than just you. I intend to pass a most timely sentence on the entire judicial system. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': It's a shame that you've decided to keep this device a secret. :'''Dr. Wataki''': It would seem that the world is not quite ready for it yet. :'''Robin''': Gee, that's too bad for Fugate. I'm sure he'll wish he had something to make the days pass quicker where he's going. ===''Catwalk'' [2.9]=== :'''Scarface''': Calm down, pussycat. We're all friends here. ''[to the Ventriloquist]'' Dummy, don't keep our pretty guest in the dark. :'''Ventriloquist''': Yes, sir, Mr. Scarface. ''[turns on the lot, revealing him and Scarface]'' :'''Scarface''': Ah, that's better. :'''Selina Kyle''': ''[gasps]'' You gotta be kidding! ''[laughs]'' :'''Scarface''': What's she laughin' at? My fly ain't open, is it?! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, sir. :'''Scarface''': So what's the gag? :'''Selina Kyle''': Oh come on, you know! ''[in a goofy voice]'' "What's the gag?" :'''Scarface''': ''[aims his gun at Selina]'' Can it, sister! This is Scarface you're dealing with, and I don't stand for no disrespect. :'''Ventriloquist''': I'd do as he says, ma'am. Mr. Scarface can be quite insistent. :'''Scarface''': I don't think anyone's talking to you! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, sir. No, sir. :'''Selina Kyle''': Right... so, what do you want with me? :'''Scarface''': My boys happened to be in the museum when they saw your little set-to with Miss Ronnie V. They also seen you licking your whiskers at the sight of Ronnie's pretty sparklers. :'''Selina Kyle''': You're boring me, log. :''[the Ventrloquist pulls out an envelope from his coat]'' :'''Scarface''': So what if I could provide you with a foolproof plan to snatchin' those rocks with no risk of you gettin' caught? :'''Selina Kyle''': Pass. Kitty's been staying it at night. It's not the greatest, but it beats the pound, if you know what I mean. :'''Scarface''': Now, that's a darn shame. And I thought for sure you'd want a chance to get even with the Vreelands. Not just for yourself, ya understand, but for all those poor little stuffed critters what never had the chance to fight back. :'''Selina Kyle''': Oh, barf. :'''Scarface''': It's a 50/50 cut. Take it or leave it? You in or what? :''[Selina thinks about it for a while then picks up the envelope]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': What a pleasant surprise. Though I should warn you - breaking and entering is against the law. :'''Batman''': You would know. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarface''': [[w:Tweety|I thawt I thaw a putty tat!]] <hr width="50%"/> :''[Catwoman crushes Scarface under some logs]'' :'''Catwoman''': That's one way to remove a splinter. What's wrong, Ventriloquist? Cat got your tongue? :'''Ventriloquist''': Please, I never hurt you! Scarface, he's another person, not me, really! :'''Catwoman''': But he's inside you somewhere. And I'm going to keep scratching until I find him. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': [[w:Just So Stories|I am the cat who walks by herself.]] ===''Bane'' [2.10]=== :'''Thorne''': You almost didn't get paid. You're lucky these diamonds didn't get nabbed in the smuggling bust. :'''[[w:Bane (comics)|Bane]]''': No, Mr. Thorne. You are the lucky one. ''[He punches the punching bag across the room]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': He wrecked my car, Alfred. Between two guys, that's ''real'' personal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bane''': Toys. You try to fight me with pathetic little TOYS. You've got nothing! Beg for mercy! SCREAM MY NAME! :'''Batman''': Never. :'''Bane''': You are beaten! Now I will break you! ===''Baby-Doll'' [2.11]=== :'''Robin''': ''[on "Love That Baby"]'' I remember this show from when I was a kid. It still stinks. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At Wayne Manor, Summer Gleeson is on the telephone talking to Marv Wolfman at her office.]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': I don't care what Mayor Hill says. The people have a right to know, and if he won't talk to us-- ''[Batman drops a photo of Baby-Doll onto her desk]'' I'll call you back, Marv. ''[to Batman and Robin]'' Since when are you interested in has-been actors? :'''Batman''': Since that one's been kidnapping her co-stars. :'''Summer Gleeson''': You're serious? :'''Robin''': She's been picking them off, one by one. Any reason she'd have a grudge? :'''Summer Gleeson''': Actually, ''they'' should hate ''her.'' Dahl put them all out of work when she quit the series to become a "dramatic" actress. :''[Summer plays a video of Mary Dahl playing Lady Macbeth]'' :'''Mary Dahl''': What, will these hands never be clean? Here's the smell of the blood still. All the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand. :'''Robin''': Pee-yew! :'''Summer Gleeson''': That's what the critics said. Baby's dramatic career flopped, and when she tried to start her TV show again, the networks turned her down. :'''Batman''': That still doesn't explain why she's after her old cast. :'''Robin''': ''[picks up a cassette]'' Maybe there's a clue in these old episodes. :'''Summer Gleeson''': You can borrow them if you want. And when you crack the case, you can pay me back with an exclusive... ''[turns to see that they have gone]'' interview. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': Naughty, naughty, Daddys! Mustn't yell at your Baby like thats. :'''Tod Baker''': You're not my daughter, and we're not a family! We're actors, remember?! You cancelled our show because you whined you weren't getting enough attention! :'''Baby-Doll''': ''[putting on a sad face]'' But I knows now I made a boo-boo! ''[sniffles and breaks character]'' It was hard for me out there. I studied and trained and auditioned, but no one wanted me. ''[plays the sound of a crowd going "Aww..." on her tape recorder]'' Over the years, I remembered how happy I was with all of you around me, and the folks at home watching me each week. Me, ''[goes back into her "cute" voice]'' Baby-Doll! ''[giggles]'' Now I'm Baby for good, and everyone will love me agains! Hugs, hugs! :''[Her goons force the actors to share a hug with her, and she plays the "Aww..." again]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': ''[watching episodes of Baby Doll's old TV show]'' Remember that time Poison Ivy nearly smothered us in those vines, with the ''really'' sharp thorns? :'''Batman''': Yes. :'''Robin''': This is worse. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': ''[after her TV brother is rendered unconscious by her bodyguard]'' Sorry I had to play roughs, Tippy. I didn't mean to. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': ''[Mariam kicks Robin around]'' Wow, lady! You're good! :'''Mariam''': It's a living... <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman pursues Baby-Doll in a funhouse tunnel maze]'' :'''Baby-Doll''': Silly Mr. Batman can't catch me! :'''Batman''': Don't run away! I know you're scared, confused - I can help you! :'''Baby-Doll''': Liar, liar, cape on fire! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': Game's over, Mr. Batman! ''[laughs]'' I WIN! ''[Batman fires his grappling gun, knocking the doll-gun down a slide]'' No fair! ''[runs to retrieve it, and stumbles into a room full of fun-house mirrors. Picks up the gun, wandering through the various distorted reflections, until she comes to one that shows her as an adult]'' Look! That's me in there. The ''real'' me! There I am... ''[touches the reflection, and her face changes]'' ...But it's not ''really'' real, is it? Just... made up and pretend, like my family and my life and everything else! ''[turns to face Batman, who stands behind her]'' '''''WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST LET ME MAKE-BELIEVE?!''''' ''[fires at mirrors, and cries after breaking the mirror with her adult reflection. Batman approaches her]'' I didn't ''mean'' to... ===''The Lion And The Unicorn'' [2.12]=== :''[Alfred breaks a chair over a thug's head.]'' :'''Robin''': And here all I thought you dusted was furniture. :'''Alfred''': A [[w:Louis XV|Louis Quinze]]; what a pity. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred Pennyworth''': ''[after being drugged with a truth serum]'' You'll get nothing but gibberish out of me, madam. I come from haunts of cootenfern and knicker sudden Sally. Uh... dee-dum dee-dum dee-dum dee-dum, and bicker down the valley. :'''Red Claw''': And people wonder why no one takes Britain seriously anymore. ===''Showdown'' [2.13]=== :'''Sheriff''': Well, well. Jonah Hex, his own bad self. Been here five minutes and you ain't killed nobody nor set nothin' on fire. Slippin', ain't you? :'''[[w:Jonah Hex|Jonah Hex]]''': I'm still a little bushed. :'''Sheriff''': Fact is, you look a little past it, Hex. Not tired, just all used up. :'''Hex''': Well, when I get pushed, I can still shoot a fly out from between its wings. Provided the light's right, of course... and it's a big ''plump'' fly. :''[The sheriff glances down at his own portly figure. Two other bargoers retreat outside, sensing trouble.]'' :'''Sheriff''': I ain't got nothin' on you, Hex... yet. Just remember, them wanted posters say "dead or alive". You might try "alive" this time. :'''Hex''': First time for everything. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duvall''': It would appear we have ourselves a government spy. A rather disreputable-looking one at that. Well, Mr. Spy, I'd say your plan has failed, and the railroad is doomed. :'''Hex''': I ain't no spy! I'm Jonah Hex, and I don't give a tinker's cuss about no railroad. I've come to get ''you'', Arkady Duvall, on account of what you done to that girl back east. :'''Duvall''': ''[chuckles]'' You mean to say, you've tracked me across ''twelve states'' because of that? :'''Hex''': Well, there's also the matter of a 200 dollar reward. That part don't hurt my feelings none. :'''Duvall''': You're either a liar or a fool. :'''Hex''': I've been known to be foolish, but ain't ''nobody'' calls me a liar and goes to bed happy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hex''': Now! Let's you and me dance. :'''Duvall''': You cannot defeat me. I am a Heidelberg fencing champion. :'''Hex''': My heart's all a-flutter. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duvall''': Five thousand in gold, take it. Leave me be. :'''Hex''': It ain't about money, boy. It's about justice. And I aim to serve you some. :'''Duvall''': Let me live, please! :'''Hex''': I will. Only because it's too much trouble to haul your stinkin' carcass back east. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You left Duvall to his fate a century ago. Why come back for him now? :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Did you really think, detective, that in my six hundred years of life, I would have sired only ''one'' offspring? Even before the Phoenix debacle, I had come to realize that Arkady was too unbalanced and cruel to wisely rule my empire. :'''Batman''': But you couldn't forget about him. :'''Ra's al Ghul''': What father can ever forget his son? Come now, detective, I've still a few good years left. We will cross swords another day. But for now, let me take my boy home. ===''Riddler's Reform'' [2.14]=== :''[After learning about the theft of historical antiquities on TV]'' :'''Riddler''': ''[in Bruce's memory]'' Those are things of the past, Batman. Ancient history that's gone now. I'm a new man! But you probably won't figure that out before it's too late! ''[laughs]'' :'''Bruce''': ''He'' did it. :'''Dick''': Who? :'''Bruce''': The Riddler. Remember what he said: "Things of the past." "Ancient history that's gone now." Look! :'''Dick''': Gee, I don't know. His riddles aren't usually that subtle. Besides, he's got a multimillion dollar deal with that toy company. Why would he throw it away over some stupid riddle crime? :'''Bruce''': Because that's the way his warped mind works. He's obsessed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': He's right, you know. :'''Manny''': Who? :'''Riddler''': Batman. He ''is'' going to catch me, sooner or later. :'''Manny''': Gee, boss, you're scaring me. You're talking kinda crazy. :'''Riddler''': DON'T YOU ''EVER'' CALL ME THAT! I fooled the police, the doctors, the Parole Board - all of them! There's only one person who's ever been able to challenge me: ''BATMAN!'' He's the only one worthy of the game! :'''Manny''': But you said sooner or later he's gonna catch you. What are you gonna do? :'''Riddler''': I'm never going back to Arkham! So I guess there's only one thing to do! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': Hello, Batman. This is it: the end of the game. I'm a little sad actually. You were a worthy opponent. But then, I told you I'd make a ''killing'' at the Toy Fair! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': ''[ranting in a cell in Arkham]'' It's IMPOSSIBLE, I tell you! Impossible! My trap was perfect! How did he do it?! I have to know! SOMEBODY TELL ME! IT'S NOT FAIR! THERE WAS NO WAY, I TELL YOU! NO WAY HE COULD HAVE GOTTEN OUT! SOMEBODY TELL ME! DO YOU HEAR ME?! SOMEBODY TELL ME HOW HE DID IT! I HAVE TO KNOW! '''''I HAVE TO KNOOOOOOOOOW!!!''''' ===''Second Chance'' [2.15]=== :'''Penguin''': And what might ''you'' be doing out there? Catching insects for dinner? :'''Batman''': I'm looking for Two-Face. :'''Penguin''': What, did you lose him? ''[chuckles]'' :'''Batman''': Somebody kidnapped him from Gotham Central tonight. You and he had a disagreement sometime ago, didn't you? :'''Penguin''': It's true. Harvey stole a rare ''avis'' right out from under my beak several months ago. A jewel-encrusted statuette of a two-headed [[w:roc (mythology)|roc]]. It was worth millions. But, my dear rodent, I'd never kidnap a fellow rogue out of his sickbed. It just isn't done. :'''Batman''': Honour among thieves? :'''Penguin''': Absolutely. If I were going to attack Harvey, I'd do it face to face... to face, heh, so to speak. Like THIS! ''[laughs and unleashes his birds on Batman]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You may as well come out. I know everything now. :''[A man emerges, his identity obscured by shadows]'' :'''Batman''': You hated Harvey Dent, and would do anything to destroy him. :''[Lightning flashes, revealing the man to be Two-Face himself]'' :'''Two-Face''': Why not? He was going to destroy me. Just like I'm going to destroy you! ''[attacks him]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Harvey, pull yourself up! :'''Harvey''': I can't! I'll drop the coin! :'''Batman''': Drop it! Save yourself! :'''Harvey''': I... I don't know what to do. The coin won't tell me! :'''Batman''': It can't tell you anything! I switched coins when you grabbed me! :'''Robin''': ''[swings and kicks the thugs out of Batman's way]'' Good thing I decided to tag along after all. :'''Batman''': It's a trick coin! It'll always land on edge! It's ''your'' decision now, Harvey! Life or death? The coin or me? :''[Robin threw the batarang to hit the elevator button to send the thug in an elevator, thunderstruck and Harvey/Two-Face decided to drops the coin]'' :'''Harvey''': Batman, help me. :''[Batman tries to give Harvey a hand, but Two-Face suddenly regains control]'' :'''Two-Face''': Never! ''[punches Batman and falls]'' :'''Batman''': ''HARVEY!!!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harvey''': ''[seen in half-shadow, making him appear to once again be Harvey Dent instead of Two-Face]'' Bruce? Good old Bruce. Always there. You never give up on me. :''[Bruce Wayne smiles and pats Harvey's shoulder before he is escorted away]'' :'''Dick''': He's right. You're always there for him. :'''Bruce''': Yes, just like you're always there for me. :'''Dick''': Hey, what are friends for? ===''Harley's Holiday'' [2.16]=== :'''Scarecrow''': I am the Master of Fear! The Lord of Despair! Cower before me in witless terror! :'''Harley''': Hi, Professor Crane! :'''Scarecrow''': ''[Smiling fondly]'' Good evening, child. ''[To Batman and Robin, furiously]'' Worship me, you fools! Worship me! Scream hosannas of anguish to Scarecrow, the all-terrible God of Fear! ''[Guards take him away]'' :'''Robin''': I think he's getting better. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley''': I'm having a BAD DAY! I'm sick of people trying to shoot me, run me over and blow me up! I didn't even get to keep my new dress - I ACTUALLY PAID FOR IT! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman and Robin take Harley back to Arkham]'' :'''Harley''': ''[sadly]'' [[w:To market, to market|Home again, home again, diggity dig...]] :'''Dr. Joan Leland''': Not for too long, though. Ms. Vreeland dropped the kidnapping charges. With a little more hard work, you should be ready to re-enter society for good. :'''Harley''': Yay... ''[to Batman]'' There's one thing I've gotta know. Why'd you stay with me all day, risking your butt for someone who's never given you anything but trouble? :'''Batman''': I know what it's like to try and rebuild a life. ''[takes her dress out of a bag]'' I had a bad day too, once. :'''Harley''': ''[takes the dress, smiling]'' Nice guys like you shouldn't have bad days. ===''Lock-Up'' [2.17]=== :'''Scarecrow''': Don't take me back there, please! Look at me, Batman! I'm shaking with fear! Me! The Scarecrow! I wasn't even going back to crime this time! I just had to get away from... HIM! :'''[[w:Lock-Up (comics)|Lyle Bolton]]''': I'll take it from here, Batman. Lyle Bolton, Chief of security. Congratulations, Professor Crane. You're the first inmate to escape Arkham under my charge. ''[He grabs Crane by the collar; Crane whimpers]'' You're also the last. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bartholomew''': Miss Quinn? Do you have any complaints against Mr. Bolton? :''[Lyle Bolton sneers threateningly at Harley Quinn]'': :'''Harley Quinn''': I got nothing to say. :'''Bartholomew''': But surely you must have something you wish to- :'''Harley Quinn''': You got a hearing problem or something?! NO! NADA! IXNAY! ZERO! ZILCH! BUPKES! NOTHING! OKAY?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': He threatens us! Takes away our privileges, even when we're good! :'''[[w:Lock-Up (comics)|Lyle Bolton]]''': We've heard enough of this nonsense. :'''Jonathon Crane''': He says scum like us must be kept in line! That's why he chains us down at night and electrifies our doors! :'''Scarface''': He held me over a can filled with a termites! Ya hear me?! ''TERMITES!'' :'''Harley Quinn''': He's an animal! :'''Ventriloquist''': A monster! :'''Jonathon Crane''': Keep him away! :'''Lyle Bolton''': '''SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU!''' :''[The guards retrain Lyle Bolton, he kicks the table, resists the guards and attack and them; he threatens to kill the inmates, and Bruce Wayne trips him with the chair]'' :'''Lyle Bolton''': You're all scum! You should be beaten within an inch of your misbegotten lives! :'''Bartholomew''': I've seen enough! ''[pounds the gravel]'' Lyle Bolton, you're dismissed! :'''Lyle Bolton''': Before I came here, Arkham was a revolving door for every maniac in Gotham. ''I'' kept them in! '''ME!''' Now I realize I was wrong to punish those pathetic miscreants! '''THEY'RE ONLY SYMPTOMS! ''YOU'RE'' THE CAUSE! THE GUTLESS POLICE, MINDLESS BUREAUCRATS, AND CODDLING DOCTORS! YOU SHOULD ALL BE LOCKED UP IN A CAGE WITHOUT A KEY!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lock Up''': I could have rid Gotham of the fools in city hall and the police department! We could have made our own order! :'''Batman''': I was born to fight your brand of order! :'''Lock Up''': If that's your decision...! ===''Make 'Em Laugh'' [2.18]=== :'''Dispatcher''': Disturbance reported at the top of the Crown restaurant. Suspect is a male costumed extremist armed with what appears to be a... ketchup gun. :'''Batman''': It's going to be one of those nights. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Condiment King''': So long, suckers! Parting is such "sweet-and-sour" sorrow. ''[Batman yanks away his loot bag]'' What's this? Ah! The big bad Bat-guy. I knew you'd "ketchup" to me sooner or later. How I've "relished" this meeting. You, the dynamic Dark Knight, versus me, the conceptual Condiment King! Come, Batman. Let's see if you can "cut the mustard". :'''Batman''': Quiet! ''[punches the King in the stomach]'' :'''Condiment King''': ''[slumps to ground, gasping]'' You hit me! :'''Batman''': Now listen, Mustard Man, or whatever you call yourself. You're obviously new at this, so I'm willing to go easy on you, provided you give back the loot and never even think about doing this again. Deal? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Buddy's agent''': I don't get it. Buddy's just thrown his entire career away. The network's cancelling his show and the restaurant's suing him for a million dollars. Why did he do it? It just doesn't make sense. ===''Deep Freeze'' [2.19]=== :'''Batman''': Men like Walker are obsessed with getting their own way. And they don't let little things like the ''law'' stop them. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grant Walker''': Do you realize that in your half-frozen state, you will age more slowly than an ordinary human? You're practically immortal, my friend! :'''Mr. Freeze''': Yes, eternal life trapped in this wretched shell! What a miserable joke. :'''Grant Walker''': Miserable to you, but a godsend to me. Look at me, Mr. Freeze, I'm an old man. I've created wonders in my lifetime, but there is still so much to do! I want to change as you have. To become, like you, a being of blessed, eternal cold. :'''Mr. Freeze''': You're insane. :'''Grant Walker''': Only you know how to duplicate the accident that made you what you are. What I long to become! :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[grabs him]'' You want to live like this? Abandoned and alone? A prisoner in a world you can see but never touch? ''[drops him and turns away]'' Old and infirm as you are, I'd trade a thousand of my frozen years for your worst day. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grant Walker''': Every time I open a park, I get gatecrashers. :'''Batman''': We've seen your insane vision of the future, Walker. :'''Grant Walker''': My world will have no crime, violence or pain. :'''Robin''': You can add free will to that list too! :'''Grant Walker''': A small price to pay for order. :'''Batman''': ''Your'' order! For your select few! :'''Grant Walker''': Excuse me, but I fail to see the problem with that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You can't let Walker do this. Billions of people will perish! :'''Mr. Freeze''': That's not my concern. All that matters is I once again have my wife, and the means to restore her. :'''Batman''': She'll wake up in a dead, frozen world that ''you'' helped destroy. She'll ''hate'' you for that! :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''Silence.'' :'''Batman''': You think you're alone now? Wait until she learns the truth. :'''Mr. Freeze''': '''I SAID ''SILENCE!''''' ''[blasts at Batman and Robin, knocking them backward, then turns back to Nora with a saddened face]'' Forgive me... ''[frees Batman and Robin]'' Come, there is much to do. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Dick recovers from hypothermia]'' :'''Dick''': Man, if I spent any more time in that immersion tank, I'd be growing gills. :'''Bruce''': I'm just glad I was able to get you back here in time. :'''Dick''': Thanks. For a while I thought I'd end up like Walker, trapped in a ice cube forever. What about Mr. Freeze? Do you think he's gone for good? :'''Bruce''': I'm not sure. But if Freeze's condition has made him truly immortal... we may not have seen the last of him. ===''Batgirl Returns'' [2.20]=== :'''Catwoman''': Bats are just mice with wings, little girl. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Batgirl|Batgirl]]''': So, what are you going to do? Leave us over one of these vats with acid burning through the rope? :'''Daggett''': ''[Laughs]'' If there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's that you crime-fighting types are very resourceful. So, I'll just have my men shoot you and throw your bodies in the vats. == About ''{{PAGENAME}}'' == *'''PD''': If I had to differentiate between [Batman and Superman], I'd say Superman is sort of about hope. You've got this guy who's an alien and not truly human, but he personifies all the best qualities of humanity. He's sort of an example of what it would be nice to be like. We would all like to be like Superman. We would all like to have power, compassion, the ability to settle problems in a good way, and maybe [be able to] wink to ourselves about how nobody else besides us knows we really have this secret power and we keep it ourselves. There's not a lot of angst with Superman. If there is, it's more like, "I wish I could tell Lois who I really was." Batman is how you'd like to be if you [could] break someone's neck: "I'm pissed off, and I want to go out and do something about it." Superman waits for trouble to happen, and then he goes off and stops the problem. Batman's looking for trouble; he doesn't really start it, but he's out there looking. And if he sees something going on, he just jumps into the middle of it. :'''JA''': Batman's sort of a sociopath too. :'''PD''': He's absolutely a sociopath. He's a sociopath with a lot of money, and he's got a sense of right and wrong. I don't think he's totally bereft of some sort of compassion or feeling for some of the villains. He doesn't go after somebody like Mr. Freeze without a small bit of compassion for the man, or maybe someone like the Mad Hatter, or even Harley, whom he thinks is certainly a pain in the ass, but I think he kind of wishes she'd get her act together and wise up at some point. <br> But with darker characters like the Scarecrow and the Joker, he's basically out to make sure they never get out again - whatever it takes to take them down. Somebody like the Joker is probably the least human of all of Batman's Rogues Gallery. That was why I never wanted to do a story that humanizes the Joker, like we did with the Mad Hatter or Mr. Freeze, because I just don't think the character lends itself to that. He's almost supernatural in a way; he's somebody who's just thoroughly insane, who does what he wants to do, and who has a grudge against Batman. He probably likes horrifying people with his clownish appearance as much as Batman terrorizes criminals with his nightmare-like appearance. The Joker is pretty inhuman. I'd say the same thing about the Scarecrow. He is someone who really gets turned on by scaring people. He's like the anti-Batman. He's a weak, very unimposing man until he puts on the Scarecrow costume, and then goes out and gasses people with fear gas, and he watches them squirm. There's probably a big turn-on seeing people helpless in front of him screaming in fear. *'''PD''': When [[w:Tim Burton|Tim Burton]]'s ''[[Batman (1989 film)|Batman]]'' came out, that was the way to go. Now [[w:Joel Schumacher|Joel Schumacher]]'s [[Batman Forever|Batman]] is out there, and people are flocking to the movies, so they"re saying, "Can you lighten up the show a little bit? Can you have more fun with it?" So that's what we were charged with doing, and that's what we've done: to lighten up the color palette a little bit, so that every character's not just in dark colors. Robin, for instance, is now black, red, and gold, instead of green. Nightwing is black and a light, almost iridescent, blue. We've also given it a little more of a kid-friendly look. :* [[w:Paul Dini|Paul Dini]], [http://animationarena.com/batman_the_animated_series.html "Batman: The Animated Series"], ''Animation Arena''. * The thing with the Batman show—even though it's one of the most beautiful and well-written shows, and it really gets into Batman—is that it doesn't really move that fast. The fight scenes aren't that intense, and it doesn't really go actiony. There's a lot of walking and talking in it. It looks great, but it needs that kick of having action. And I think that's another thing that kids are picking up on: For the first time, you're actually seeing superheroes really fight bad guys. In a lot of the cartoons when I was growing up, like [[w:Super Friends|Super Friends]], there was no fighting of bad guys. They would just get sent off to jail. It was wacky, it was silly, it wasn't intense, and there wasn't real fighting and stuff in it. ** [[w:Craig McCracken|Craig McCracken]] [http://www.avclub.com/article/the-powerpuff-girls-13665 "The Powerpuff Girls"], Keith Phipps, ''A.V.Club'', Jun 21, 2000. == Cast == * [[Kevin Conroy]] - [[w:Batman|Bruce Wayne/Batman]] * [[w:Loren Lester|Loren Lester]] - [[w:Dick Grayson|Dick Grayson/Robin]] * [[w:Melissa Gilbert|Melissa Gilbert]] - [[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara Gordon/Batgirl]] * [[w:Clive Revill|Clive Revill]]/[[w:Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.|Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.]] - [[w:Alfred Pennyworth|Alfred Pennyworth]] * [[w:Bob Hastings|Bob Hastings]] - [[w:James Gordon (comics)|Commissioner James Gordon]] * [[w:Robert Costanzo|Robert Costanzo]] - [[w:Harvey Bullock (comics)|Detective Harvey Bullock]] * [[w:Ingrid Oliu|Ingrid Oliu]]/Liane Schirmer - [[w:Renee Montoya|Officer Renee Montoya]] * [[Mark Hamill]] - [[w:The Joker (comics)|The Joker]] * [[w:Arleen Sorkin|Arleen Sorkin]] - [[w:Harley Quinn|Dr. Harleen Quinzel/Harley Quinn]] * [[Paul Williams (songwriter)|Paul Williams]] - [[w:Penguin (comics)|Oswald Cobblepot/The Penguin]] * [[Adrienne Barbeau]] - [[w:Catwoman|Selina Kyle/Catwoman]] * [[w:John Glover (actor)|John Glover]] - [[w:Riddler|Edward Nygma/The Riddler]] * [[w:Richard Moll|Richard Moll]] - [[w:Two-Face (comics)|Harvey Dent/Two-Face]] * [[w:George Dzundza|George Dzundza]] - [[w:The Ventriloquist (comics)|Arnold Wesker/The Ventriloquist/Scarface]] * [[w:Henry Silva|Henry Silva]] - [[w:Bane (comics)|Bane]] * [[w:Aron Kincaid|Aron Kincaid]] - [[w:Killer Croc|Killer Croc]] * [[w:Marc Singer|Marc Singer]] - [[w:Man-Bat|Dr. Kirk Langstrom/Man-Bat]] * [[w:Ron Perlman|Ron Perlman]] - [[w:Clayface|Matt Hagen/Clayface]] * [[w:Diane Pershing|Diane Pershing]] - [[w:Poison Ivy (comics)|Dr. Pamela Isley/Poison Ivy]] * [[w:Henry Polic II|Henry Polic II]] - [[w:Scarecrow (DC comics)|Dr. Jonathan Crane/The Scarecrow]] * [[w:Roddy McDowall|Roddy McDowall]] - [[w:Mad Hatter|Dr. Jervis Tetch/The Mad Hatter]] * [[w:Michael Ansara|Michael Ansara]] - [[w:Mr. Freeze|Dr. Victor Freeze/Mr. Freeze]] * [[David Warner (actor)|David Warner]] - [[w:Ra's al Ghul|Ra's al Ghul]] ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} {{Batman}} [[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated superhero TV shows]] [[Category:Animated Batman TV shows]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Animated television programs based on Detective Comics]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Fox Broadcasting Company animated television series]] [[Category:Television series by Warner Bros. Animation]] h7qrtkraaw1lweobulzlrwnoq8xzdvs 3778896 3778760 2025-07-14T22:08:32Z 2A00:23C7:8583:8901:5157:8FC5:8DBF:8C56 /* The Last Laugh [1.4] */ 3778896 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Batman-_The_Animated_Series_logo.svg|thumb|I am [[vengeance]]. I am the [[night]]. I am, '''[[Batman|BATMAN]]'''!]] {{italic title}} '''''[[W:Batman: The Animated Series|Batman: The Animated Series]]''''' is an American animated superhero television series based on the [[DC Comics]] superhero Batman. It was succeeded by ''[[The Adventures of Batman & Robin]]'' and ''[[The New Batman Adventures]]''; the first production in the [[w:DC Animated Universe|DC Animated Universe]]. ==Season 1== ===''On Leather Wings'' [1.1]=== :'''[[w:Rene Auberjonois|Dr. March]]''': You donate a few million, and you think you own the place. I understand I'm to analyse something for you? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Yeah, doc. See, I keep hearing squeaks in my chimney, and I found these in my empty fireplace. They look like hairs. I thought maybe you could tell me if I have a bat problem. :'''Dr. March''': And what if they are bats, Mr. Wayne? What then? Destroy them like insects? We won't survive the next evolutionary cataclysm, but bats will! They're survivors, Mr. Wayne, not pests! You should understand that! <hr width='50%'/> :'''Dr. Kirk Langstrom''': ''[enters laboratory upon hearing noises]'' Who's back there? ''[Spots Batman]'' You...! :'''Batman''': I'm looking for Dr. March. :'''Langstrom''' He's not here, Batman. :'''Batman''': Where is he? :'''Langstrom''': Giving a lecture on human extinction and bat evolution. He's really quite brilliant. :'''Batman''': He's misguided, and a thief. ''[holds up a vial of the serum]'' :'''Langstrom''': He's just a theorist, he was afraid to put it to the test. But I wasn't. I knew he'd discovered a formula to create a totally new species, neither man nor bat. And once I started taking it, I couldn't stop. I desperately wanted to, but... ''it'' took over. Francine and March tried to protect me, but it was too late. The beast knew what chemicals were needed to bring itself about! It was out of my control! And it only needs one more component to complete the process! ''[voice lowering]'' It's in ''ME'', Batman! ''[laughs maniacally and begins to change into Man-Bat]'' ===''Christmas With The Joker'' [1.2]=== :''[the Arkham Asylum inmates practice signing Jingle Bells as other inmates set up a giant Christmas tree]'' :'''Joker''': Jingle bells! Batman smells! Robin laid an egg! ''[gets a tree-topper and climbs to install it]'' The Batmobile lost a wheel and the Jo-ker got a-wa-a-a-ay! ''[attaches the ornament and the Christmas Tree ignites, revealed as a rocket. Joker clambers at it launches]'' Crashing through the roof! In a one-horse-open tree! Busting out I go! Laughing all the WHEEEEE! ''[the "rocket-tree" flies off into the distance as he sings]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the Christmas with the Joker show]'' :'''Joker''': Rumor has it, Christmas is a time to share with family. :'''Laugh track''': Yea! :'''Joker''': And since I don't have one of my own... :'''Laugh track''': Aww... :'''Joker''': I decided to STEAL one! :'''Laugh track''': Yea! :'''Joker''': And here they are: The Awful Lawful Family! ''[lights turn on and reveal Gordon, Summer, and Bullock tied up and gagged]'' Aren't they just the cutest family you've ever seen? :'''Batman''': ''[watching in the Batmobile]'' It's never easy with the Joker. :'''Joker''': Meet Daddy Lawful! ''[ungags Gordon]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': You diseased maniac! I'll- ''[Joker gags him again]'' :'''Joker''': Hmm. Looks like I'll have to teach Daddy some manners. And here's Mommy Lawful! ''[ungags Summer]'' :'''Summer Gleason''': Help! Somebody please help us- ''[Joker gags her again]'' :'''Joker''': Ho ho ho, isn't she jolly? And here we have little Baby Lawful! Coochie coochie coo! ''[ungags Bullock]'' :'''Detective Bullock''': When I get my hands on you, I'll rip your- ''[Joker gags him again]'' :'''Joker''': I'll bet Batman wishes he had a family just like mine. Personally I think relatives are a bore, so Batman can have them... ''[points to clock showing 10:30PM] if'' he can find them by midnight! Otherwise... ''[makes a throat-slashing motion and laughs]'' ===''Nothing To Fear'' [1.3]=== :''[Bruce is introduced to Dr. Long and he offers a handshake]'' :'''Dr. Long''': ''[looks at hand and pouts off]'' Your father and I attended university together. He had big plans for you. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Well, I guess he'd be pleased. Wayne Industries is more prosperous than ever. :'''Dr. Long''': Pleased? When your father was alive, Wayne was a name that commanded great respect. Now all Wayne stands for is a self-centered jet-setting playboy. It's lucky your father didn't live to see what you've done to his good name. He'd have died of shame. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Scarecrow sprays a security guard with gas]'' :'''Guard''': Stop! What the-- No! No, spiders! Get them offa me! No! NO! ''[screams and collapses]'' :'''Anthony''': What did you do to him, boss? :'''[[w:Scarecrow (DC Comics)|Scarecrow]]''': I merely helped him visualize his innermost terror, which is obviously [[w:arachnophobia|arachnophobia]]. :'''Nigel''': A-whack-a-what? :'''Scarecrow''': Arachnophobia! Fear of spiders, you dimwitted dropout! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': It seems I have underestimated the Batman, but at least the University is finished. :'''Anthony''': Gee, boss, I never liked school, but, uh, how come you hate the university so much? :'''Scarecrow''': They tried to destroy me. :'''Nigel''': You mean they kicked you out 'cause you weren't smart enough? :'''Scarecrow''': No, you simpleton! ''[pinches Nigel's broken nose]'' :'''Nigel''': Ow! :'''Scarecrow''': I taught there. I was a professor of psychology, specializing in phobias. Inducing terror has always intrigued me. Even as a boy, I loved to frighten things. People, animals, it was all the same. I became obsessed with fear's crippling power. Later, when I became their leading Professor of Subliminal Psychology at the University, I began performing experiments on fear and its subsequent effects. Dr. Long thought I went too far - he called me a lunatic. So now, they will learn the true nature of horror! :'''Anthony''': ''[to Nigel]'' Wow, he's a real professor. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman has been exposed to Scarecrow's fear toxin]'' :'''Thomas Wayne''': Bruce... :'''Batman''': No... not now... :'''Thomas Wayne''': You are a disgrace! ''[turns into the [[w:Grim Reaper|Grim Reaper]]]'' :'''Batman''': No... You are NOT my father. I am NOT a disgrace! I am vengeance, I am the night. I...AM...'''BATMAN!''' ===''The Last Laugh'' [1.4]=== :'''Summer Gleeson''': I'm here in Downtown Gotham where corporate CEOs have gone stark, raving mad. It would appear that the collapse of the stock market is now imminent. The question is: Will [[April Fools' Day]] mark the end of Gotham City as we know it? :'''Joker''': The only things gaining now are the laughing stocks! ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[After trapping Batman in a sealed garbage can]'' :'''Joker''': I just love these new Ziploc seals! We wouldn't want our little caged rodent to suffocate, so we'll just ''[draws a knife]'' PUNCH SOME AIRHOLES! ''[laughing, he stabs holes in the can, with Batman being forced to dodge each one]'' Okay, Captain! Give 'er the old heave-ho! ''[Captain Clown salutes and throws the can into the river, where it starts to flood and sink]'' Oops! Looks like our airholes are waterholes too! ''[smirking at the viewer]'' What a shame! ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Justice is served hot, Batman! You're going to melt just like a grilled-cheese sandwich! :''[The Joker tries to send Batman falling into the furnace with a cascade of garbage, but Batman escapes and swings to safety on his grappling hook]'' :'''Batman''': Justice ''will'' be served, Joker. :'''Joker''': Service with a SMILE?! ''[tosses a razor card at Batman, who dodges it just in time]'' :'''Batman''': Clean up your act, Joker. :'''Joker''': Oh, that's a joke, right? Batman finally told a joke! ''[laughing, the Joker draws another card and flings it, but Batman catches it with a smirk. With a gasp of shock, the Joker tries to flee, but gets his food caught on a cable and he ends up dangling over the furnace]'' BATMAN! YOU WOULDN'T LET ME FRY, WOULD YOU?! ''[Batman leans on the railing, pretending to consider it] '''BATMAN!''' [Batman pulls him up]'' ===''Pretty Poison'' [1.5]=== :'''Dent''': So, what do you think? :'''Bruce''': Does she have a sister? :'''Dent''': Nope. Pam's one of a kind. That's why I asked her to marry me. :'''Bruce''': ''[spits out his water upon hearing this]'' WHAT?! :'''Dent''': Yup, that's the page one headline. Hey... is it starting to get warm? :'''Bruce''': You're still flushed from that last kiss. Harvey, you just met her last week! :'''Dent''': And I already know she's the one. Gosh, it's hot in here... :'''Bruce''': Marriage is a major step, Harvs. Don't you think you're rushing it? :'''Dent''': No way. The moment I laid eyes on Pam, her love hit me right in the face. ''[falls right into the food he ordered]'' :'''Bruce''': ''[laughs]'' Harvey, you've lost your mind. Knock it off. ''[sees him unresponsive]'' Harv? Harvey! ''[Later sees Harvey carried into an ambulance and climbs inside]'' Hang on, Harvey. Hang on. <hr width=50%"/> :'''Bullock''': So what'd you put in this mousse?! :'''Chef''': Chocolate, sugar, eggs, cream... :'''Bullock''': STRYCHNINE?! :'''Chef''': No, no, no strychnine. But I added just a pinch of vanilla. :'''Bullock''': ''[turns to a waiter, frustrated]'' You know who did it?! TALK! :'''Waiter''': Hey, I just clean the dishes, okay? <hr width=50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[chuckles]'' Batman! A late night rendezvous? To what do I owe the honor? :'''Batman''': ''[struggling against Ivy's giant flytrap]'' Harvey Dent! :'''Poison Ivy''': Oh, the poor district attorney. I hear he's not expected to live. Oh, it's so sad... ''[feigns crying, which quickly turns to insane laughter]'' :'''Batman''': Why, Isley? :'''Poison Ivy''': Oh, please, call me Poison Ivy. You see, Harvey had to pay for his crime. :'''Batman''': What crime? :'''Poison Ivy''': Why, murder, of course! Plowing up a field of beautiful wildflowers for that silly penitentiary of his. This little rose would be extinct today if I hadn't saved my precious from those horrible bulldozers! The blood of those flowers are on his hands! ''[calms down after her tantrum]'' So his fate was sealed ''[applies lipstick]'' ...with a kiss. And now, so is yours. ''[Ivy's plant holds Batman still as she kisses him; he tries to spit away the poison]'' Oh, what's wrong? Afraid I have cooties? ''[laughs]'' Oh, now you've gone and hurt my feelings. Too bad. I was going to share the antidote with you. ''[opens a bottle and waves it under his nose]'' Lovely fragrance, don't you think? ''[applies a drop to her face]'' I call it "Rose From the Dead". <hr width=50%"/> :''[In a cell in Arkham]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': They can bury me in the ground, as deep as they like. But I'll grow back. ''[to her rose]'' We ''always'' grow back. Don't we, baby? ===''The Underdwellers'' [1.6]=== :'''Sewer King''': Lesson number one is: NOOOOO TAAAALKING! Children are to be seen and not heard. We are the Underdwellers. We are the silent ones. We follow the invisible creed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sewer King''': Frog! The rolls, if you please. :''[Another boy nervously steps over with them; the Sewer King grabs his wrist angrily]'' :'''Sewer King''': You're not Frog! Where is he?! He's not here! ''[smacks the bowl of rolls away]'' NOT HERE! And after all I've done for you ungrateful little monsters! I took you in when nobody else would have you! It is I who care for you! I who provide for you! And only I WHO KNOWS WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU! Would you rather I sent you back into the light? Back to those who hurt you, and sent you away? :''[The children tearfully shake their heads; the Sewer King pushes the dinner table over with a loud crash]'' :'''Sewer King''': THERE WILL BE NOTHING TO EAT UNTIL FROG IS FOUND! NOW OUT WITH YOU! ''OUT WITH YOU!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I don't know what kind of barbarian did this to you, but it's over. And from now on, you'll be treated like human beings. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sewer King''': ''[clapping]'' Bravo. Bravo. You've caused me great distress, you evil bat, yes, yes, yes, you have! You've hurt my pretty pets, and you've frightened my beloved children! :'''Batman''': ''[incredulous and disgusted]'' "Beloved children"?! :'''Sewer King''': Yes! I feed them, I clothe them, I discipline them, and I teach them a trade! And now, I will teach ''you'' something! :''[He stamps on Batman's hands, but Batman swings under the pipe and kicks him from behind, causing him to fall off]'' :'''Batman''': Grab my hand! :'''Sewer King''': ''NEVER!'' :''[He falls into the water, where the alligators close in and seemingly devour him]'' :'''Batman''': A gruesome fate for a gruesome man. :''[He hears the Sewer King laughing, and sees him with the alligators, unharmed]'' :'''Sewer King''': I rather enjoyed it! I told you, they're my pretties! ''[pets one, laughing]'' Have a nice swim! :''[Batman swings over to chase him, narrowly missing the alligators' jaws]'' :'''Batman''': Later. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman pulls the Sewer King out of the way of an oncoming train]'' :'''Sewer King''': Why? Why?! ''Why?!'' :'''Batman''': ''[seething with anger]'' I don't pass sentence. That's for the courts. But this time - ''this time'' - I am ''sorely tempted'' to do the job myself! ===''P.O.V.'' [1.7]=== :''[after Batman grapples up a crane with Officer Montoya to safety]'' :'''Batman''': Are you alright? :''[Machine gun bullets hit around Batman and Officer Montoya, causing both of them to duck]'' :'''Officer Montoya''': Dandy. :'''Batman''': Then don't go away. :'''Officer Montoya''': ''[Batman leaves as more machine gun bullets hit. Montoya stays down]'' Count on it. <hr width="50%"/> :''[after Commissioner Gordon congratulates Officer Montoya for foiling the dock heist with Batman's aid]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': I have to hand it to you, Montoya. You and the Batman really turned this thing around. :'''Patrolman Wilkes''': Yeah, what a [[wikt:collar|collar]]! You didn't just bust 'em, you put the whole gang out of commission. ''[Lieutenant Hackle appears to accuse Montoya]'' :'''Lieutenant Hackle''': What collar? She's suspended! ''[Gordon angrily grabs Heckle]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': This [[wikt:farce|farce]] has gone far enough, Hackle! We apprehended the suspects and recovered our money. The investigation is closed! ''[He grabs three confiscated police badges out of Hackle's suit pocket and shoves him aside. He hands the badges to Officer Montoya]'' Officer Montoya earned this collar. :'''Officer Montoya''': The collar belongs to all three of us, Commissioner. It was a team effort. ''[Montoya accepts hers and hands Wilkes back his badge]'' :'''Patrolman Wilkes''': Gee... thanks, partner! :'''Detective Bullock''': ''[grumbling under his breath]'' Yeah, yeah... :'''Officer Montoya''': What was that, Bullock? ''[happily gives badge to Bullock]'' :'''Detective Bullock''': ''[reluctantly hesitates, accepts his badge]'' I said... Thanks a lot, Montoya. ===''The Forgotten'' [1.8]=== :'''Bruce''': What is this? :'''Smith''': If it's moving, it's a rat. If it isn't, it's a cooked rat. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': ''[Alfred flies the Batwing to the tracking device's location]'' This must be the place! Bring us down! :'''Batwing Computer''': Negative. :'''Alfred''': ''[pressing buttons madly]'' But Master Bruce is down there! We HAVE to land! :'''Computer''': Impossible. Area too confined. :'''Alfred''': ''[pounds the console]'' Land, you bucket of bolts! :'''Computer''': Your funeral. :'''Alfred''': Oh, dear...! ''[The Batwing flies down abruptly. Bruce, escaping the mine, sees the Batwing fly over]'' :'''Bruce''': ''[Smiles]'' Son of a gun! :''[The Batwing reaches a flat area near Bruce and lands. The cockpit opens.]'' :'''Computer''': Watch your step. :'''Alfred''': ''[tumbles out, dazed]'' [[w:Juan Rodriguez Cabrillo|I-I-I claim this land... for Spain]]. ''[collapses]'' ===''Be A Clown'' [1.9]=== :'''Jordan''': How can I get to be a great magician like you, Jekko? :'''"Jekko"''': Well, there are three steps! Step one: run away. Step two: find a magician with a great act. And step three: ''steal it.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Summer Gleason''': ''[reporting on TV]'' Denying reports of a bomb blast at his son's birthday party, Mayor Hill insists the explosion was caused by faulty electrical wiring. :'''"Jekko"''': Yeah! RIGHT! ''[laughs]'' :'''Summer Gleason''': The Mayor declined, however, to confirm that his son Jordan was missing. :'''"Jekko"''': Missing? :'''Jordan''': ''[coming into view]'' It's me, Jekko. I ran away. :'''"Jekko"''': You did '''WHAT?!?''' :'''Jordan''': I want to be a magician, like you. :'''"Jekko"''': Why, you... ''[laughs]'' Well, kid, you got step one right! Come on in. I've been thinking about a protege. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman is trapped inside a tank filled with water, complete with a straitjacket and leg restraints]'' :'''"Jekko"''': For your viewing pleasure, we present... the infamous water tank trap! The great [[w:Harry Houdini|Houdini]] survived such a test. Dare we demand less of the Batman?! :'''Jordan''': I don't like this, Jekko... :'''"Jekko"''': Quiet, kid, it's a free ticket. :''[Batman manages to free the sleeves of the jacket]'' :'''Jordan''': ''[clapping]'' He did it! He got free! :'''"Jekko"''': They don't make straitjackets like they used to. ''[grinning]'' I should know... :''[Batman wriggles out of the jacket and undoes the leg restraints, but struggles to break the glass]'' :'''Jordan''': He can't get out! What's the trick? :'''"Jekko"''': That's just it! THERE IS NO TRICK! :'''Jordan''': No! He'll drown! :''[Jordan grabs an axe and strikes the side of the tank to try and free Batman, but "Jekko" takes the axe away]'' :'''"Jekko"/Joker''': That's why they call it a finale! ''[throws down the axe and discards his Jekko the Clown mask]'' Now sit down and enjoy the show! ===''Two-Face Part 1'' [1.10]=== :''[Dent's raid on Thorne has been aborted by the judge due to supposed lack of reliable evidence]'' :'''Dent''': No! NO! '''I SPENT ''THREE MONTHS'' ON THAT RAID!''' He can't overturn! The fool! HE'S ''BEEN BOUGHT! LIKE ALL THE REST!'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[tries to restrain him]'' Harvey, please try to calm down. This sort of behavior doesn't run well with the voters- :'''Dent''': ''LET GO OF ME, YOU RICH TWIT!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dent''': Stealing someone's psychiatric file is pretty low, Thorne! Even for a swine like you! :'''[[w:John Vernon|Rupert Thorne]]''': But it makes for such fascinating reading. Listen to this, boys. Says here that when Harvey was a little boy, he was bothered by a bully. Every day the bully would bug him after school, until one day little Harvey got so mad, he slugged him one. :'''Thorne's Thugs''': Oooh! :'''Rupert Thorne''': Of course, the bully ran away, which made little Harvey very proud. Until he heard that the bully was in the hospital. :'''Candace''': That was some punch. :'''Rupert Thorne''': ''[chuckles]'' That's what Harvey thought. Except the guy was in the hospital for appendicitis! ''[chuckles again]'' But poor Harvey felt so guilty, he never showed his anger again. And that was the start of "Big Bad Harv". :'''Dent''': What do you want? :'''Rupert Thorne''': Just a few favors from the D.A.'s office. :'''Dent''': You're dreaming. :'''Rupert Thorne''': Otherwise, as a concerned citizen, I'd be compelled to give this to the press. After all, the people of Gotham have a right to know the kind of person... or should I say "persons", they've elected. So, what do you say, Harvey? Do we have a deal? :''[Harvey's face has contorted in building rage the entire time, but suddenly relaxes into deceptive docility]'' :'''Dent''': There's just one problem. :'''Rupert Thorne''': What's that? :'''Dent''': ''[in Big Bad Harv's voice]'' '''''You're talking to the wrong Harvey.''''' ===''Two-Face Part 2'' [1.11]=== :''[In a nightmare, Harvey is being chased by a dark shadow. He suddenly realizes he is standing on a collapsing wooden bridge]'' :'''Harvey Dent''': Stay back! ''[the shadow reveals itself to be Batman, pleading for Harvey's help]'' :'''Batman''': Harvey, please, let me help you! :'''Harvey Dent''': You?! You saw what was happening! You knew that something was terribly wrong with me! I thought you were my friend! You should have been able to help me--but you didn't! ''[Harvey covers his face with his two hands, now transformed into Two-Face]'' :'''Two-Face''': ''NOW LOOK AT ME!!'' :'''Batman''': But I tried, Harvey. I... ''[the bridge pulls itself apart, causing Two-Face to fall off]'' Harvey! :'''Two-Face''': ''[Plummets into an abyss of glowing red light] WHY COULDN'T YOU SAVE ME...?!!'' :''[Batman looks down the edge and gasps with horrified shock. He instead sees his late parents Thomas and Martha Wayne underneath a single lamppost. They both raise their heads in sadness]'' :'''Thomas Wayne''': Why couldn't you save us, son? :''[Bruce wakes up, sweating with fear. He then turns to a photo of Two-Face from a newspaper]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': So what are you dreaming tonight, Harvey? Peaceful dreams? Nightmares? Maybe both at once. Sleep well, my friend. Whether you are, whatever you've become... I ''will'' save you. I swear. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Two-Face''': This is my world now. A dichotomy of order and chaos - just like me. :'''Grace''': Harvey, what's happened to your mind, your feelings? You used to listen to your feelings. :'''Two-Face''': ''[flipping his coin]'' This is what I listen to now. ''Chance,'' Grace. Chance is everything. Whether you're born or not, whether you live or die, whether you're good or bad... it's all arbitrary. :'''Grace''': That's nonsense, Harvey. Was it chance that made you District Attorney? Was it chance that made you fall in love with me? Take control of your life, Harvey. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Two-Face grabs a tommy gun and aims at a defenceless Thorne]'' :'''Rupert Thorne''': No! Two-Face, don't! ''[to Batman]'' You can't let him! :'''Grace''': Harvey! What are you doing?! :'''Two-Face''': Taking control of my life. :'''Batman''': Let the law handle it. :'''Two-Face''': "The law"?! ''[takes out his coin]'' Here's the only law! The law of averages! The great equalizer! :''[Two-Face flips the coin, but Batman throws out a crate of other coins, and Two-Face's is lost among them as they spill out]'' :'''Two-Face''': ''[horrified and panicked]'' NO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! ''[searches through them frantically]'' My coin! Where is it?! I can't decide without...! Oh no, it's ''gotta'' be here, it's ''gotta! [shrieks with anguish]'' '''''I HAVE TO HAVE IT!!!''''' :''[He continues to scream, swiping the coins aside before collapsing in tears; Grace gently comforts him]'' :'''Grace''': It's all right now, Harvey. I'm here. ===''It's Never Too Late'' [1.12]=== :'''Father Michael Stromwell''': Arnold? That's one soul I wish I could give up on. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arnold Stromwell''': I don't need your help! :'''Michael Stromwell''': Is that a fact? An empire crumbling? A marriage shattered? A son lost? Sure, you're doing fine. ===''I've Got Batman In My Basement'' [1.13]=== :''[after Penguin's goons successfully steal a [[w:Fabergé egg|Fabergé egg]] on a tall building]'' :'''Goon 1''': ''[chuckles]'' A piece of cake, just like the boss said. :'''Goon 2''': Yeah, all it took was five minutes. ''[Batman makes his surprise appearance to the goons]'' :'''Batman''': And that'll get you five ''years''... ''[pause]'' with good behavior. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Be-fowled by a couple of fledgelings! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Grant''': Sherman, what are you doing down there? :'''Sherman''': Nothing, Mom! :'''Mrs. Grant''': You're not trying to make gunpowder again, are you? :'''Sherman''': No, Mom! Honest! :'''Roberta''': We just saved Batman's life, Mrs. Grant, and now we're hiding him from some bad criminals. :'''Mrs. Grant''': That's good, just don't make a mess. ''[leaves]'' :'''Sherman''': Nice going, Miss Big Mouth. :'''Roberta''': ''[shrugging]'' Sorry, Sherman, I guess I panicked. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Gentlemen - and I use the term loosely - after you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Eurgh, how bourgeois. Tearing this place apart could only improve it! Let the egg hunt begin! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Grant''': Young man, you've got some serious explaining to do! ''[sees Batman and the defeated Penguin and gasps]'' :'''Sherman''': Err, Mom, I'd like you to meet Batman. Batman, this is my mom. :'''Batman''': Ma'am. :'''Mrs. Grant''': Oh, hello... :'''Sherman''': Say, Batman, you wouldn't be single, would you? ===''[[w:Heart of Ice (Batman: The Animated Series)|Heart of Ice]]'' [1.14]=== :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[gazes at the ballerina snow globe]'' This is how I'll always remember you. Surrounded by [[winter]] forever young, forever beautiful. Rest well, my love. The monster who took you from me will soon learn that [[revenge]] is a dish... ''[opens his eyes through his red goggles]'' best served '''cold'''. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman infiltrates an office in GothCorp headquarters and sees a classified file with a videotape and medical records of a woman named Nora Fries. He plays the tape on a nearby VCR]'' :'''Victor Fries''': ''[on the tape]'' My name is Doctor Victor Fries. I am recording what I pray would be mankind's first step toward immortality. ''[camera pans to a large machine with a glass capsule and a woman inside it]'' Behind me, you see the CC-100, a cryogenic freezing chamber of my own design. I created it for the express purpose of freezing subjects stricken with inoperable ailments. Subjects like... my own beloved wife, Nora. Once a remedy has been found-- ''[reacts to a loud banging on the door]'' :'''Ferris Boyle''': ''[Behind the door]'' Open this door! Open it now! ''[A security guard kicks the door down, Ferris and another guard step into the room. Boyle confronts Fries angrily.]'' Get away from that equipment! ''[Orders his guards]'' Shut this stuff down. :'''Fries''': ''[Panicked]'' Stop! This is my experiment! :'''Boyle''': Your ''unauthorized'' experiment. I ordered funding suspended weeks ago! I'm already three million in debt thanks to you! :'''Fries''': You can't stop it now! My wife is in there! :'''Boyle''': So bring her out! :'''Fries''': You can't interrupt the process now! :'''Boyle''': ''[unmoved; to guard]'' Open it. :'''Fries''': ''[desperately holds on to Boyle]'' It's her only chance! :'''Boyle''': ''[shrugs off Fries]'' This is MY equipment! ''MINE!'' I have every legal right to use it or not use it as I see fit. I say this project ends ''now!'' :'''Fries''': ''[grabs pistol from security guard and aims it at Ferris]'' '''NO!''' Stay away from her, murderer! :'''Boyle''': ''[tries to act charming to Fries]'' Victor... I'm sorry... I lost my temper. It doesn't have to come to this. We can talk! ''[Fries calms down and Boyle kicks him into a table of cryonic chemicals. Victor screams in pain as the cloud of volatile chemicals engulf him. Boyle steps away in fear and runs out of the room with his guards]'' Get out. Get out! :'''Fries''': ''[Clinging to his freezing chamber, screaming through the glass] Nora! NORA...! [passes out. The tape ends]'' :'''Batman''': ''[Horrified]'' My God! :''[A voice rings out--it's Mr. Freeze, who just snuck in the room]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': Yes. It would move me to tears, if I still had tears to shed. ''[freezes Batman with his cryo-gun]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mr. Freeze raids the award ceremony and confronts Ferris Boyle, who is receiving a humanitarian award]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': The cold eyes of vengeance are upon you, Boyle. :'''Ferris Boyle''': Who...who ''are'' you?! :'''Mr. Freeze''': Come, now. Surely you remember your old colleague... Victor Fries? :''[Mr. Freeze aims and fires his freezing gun at Boyle's feet, ice slowly covering up his legs to his waist]'' :'''Boyle''': ''[cries in pain]'' NO! No...! Stop... please... I... b-beg you! ''[Mr. Freeze stops his freezing gun for a moment of clarity]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': You... ''beg?'' In my nightmares I see my Nora behind the glass, begging to me with frozen eyes. How I've longed to see that look frozen on you. :''[Batman batarangs Mr Freeze's cryo-gun and attacks him. Mr Freeze overpowers Batman and throws him off]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': The advanced circuitry that powers my suit also triples my strength! ''[engages Batman, and lifts him off the ground]'' Sooner or later, all who stand in my way must feel the icy touch of death! :''[Mr. Freeze is about to kill Batman, but collapses when Batman smashes his glass helmet with a thermos full of chicken soup given to him by Alfred earlier]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': ''[walks next to Batman]'' Ooh...! What was that stuff? :'''Batman''': The only way to fight a cold. :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[as his suit falters]'' It can't end this way... vengeance...! :'''Batman''': No, ''justice''. A year ago, Ferris Boyle interrupted an experiment, and in the process destroyed two lives. ''[gives Summer Gleeson the tape he found]'' Here's the evidence. ''[walks to a still shivering Boyle; he sneers at Boyle with disgust]'' Good night, humanitarian! ''[walks off]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mr. Freeze is in his subzero cell in Arkham Asylum, gazing into his ballerina snow globe]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': I failed you. I wish there were another way for me to say it... but I cannot. ''[Tears silently slide down his face]'' I can only beg your [[forgiveness]] and pray you hear me somehow, someplace. Someplace... where a warm hand waits for mine. ===''The Cat And The Claw Part 1'' [1.15]=== :'''Stern''': Now if you'll excuse me, I've given you all the time I can spare. :'''Selina Kyle''': You'll find more time for me, Mr. Stern. Before I'm through, I'll have every environmental group and animal rights activist breathing down your neck. They'll be looking at you and your project so closely, you'll feel like a bug in a bell-jar. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You're late. :'''Mob Boss''': Can't you walk up to someone normal-like? :'''Batman''': I hear you have some information. :'''Mob Boss''': Under one condition: Lay off the South Side. :'''Batman''': Keep this up, and I'll be on you from all sides. North, south, east, and west. ===''The Cat And The Claw Part 2'' [1.16]=== :'''Batman''': Red Claw? A woman? :'''[[W:Red_Claw|Red Claw]]''': Do you have a problem with that, Batman? :'''Batman''': Not at all. I'm an equal opportunity crime fighter! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I didn't want you taken away like a common criminal. :'''Catwoman''': So you do care. :'''Batman''': ''[handcuffing her]'' More than you'll ever know. ===''See No Evil'' [1.17]=== :'''Lloyd Ventrix''': See you 'round, Batman! Too bad you can't say the same! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Ventrix, the suit! It's poison! :'''Ventrix''': So what if it is?! I don't care! As long as I have it, I can take my daughter back whenever I want! Her mother won't stop me, AND NEITHER WILL YOU! ===''Beware The Gray Ghost'' [1.18]=== :''[At a video shop, Bruce Wayne asks for Gray Ghost films]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': I'd like the ''Gray Ghost''. :'''Store Clerk''': ''[smirks and walks away]'' Hmm. Name something else. :'''Wayne''': You said you had everything. :'''Store Clerk''': Except the ''Gray Ghost''! Nobody has it! The studio that made the show, Spectra? It burned down 20 years ago. The negatives all went up like kindling, real shame. :'''Wayne''': So the ''Gray Ghost'' doesn't exist? :'''Clerk''': Not anymore. Sorry, pal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Simon Trent''': ''[Hands Batman a film reel with the key the mystery]'' Here's your answer, take it and go! :'''Batman''': I used to admire what the Gray Ghost stood for... :'''Simon Trent''': I'm not the Gray Ghost! :'''Batman''': ''[coldly]'' I can see that now. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the launch of the Gray Ghost videos]'' :'''Bruce''': Could you make this out to 'Bruce'? :'''Gray Ghost''': ''[signing autograph]'' Here you are, Bruce. :'''Bruce''': Thanks. As a kid, I used to watch you with my father. The Gray Ghost was my hero. :'''Gray Ghost''': ''[realizing]'' Really... :'''Bruce''': ''[smiling]'' And he still is. ===''Prophecy Of Doom'' [1.19]=== :'''Nostromos''': I predict... you and I are about to become rich as pigs! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lucas''': No one could've predicted Batman would spot me. Not even the great Nostromos. Besides, how do you know Wayne survived? :'''Nostromos''': The news said he got off the elevator right before it fell, you pathetic amateur! :'''Lucas''': Well, you didn't predict he would ''die'', exactly... ===''Feat Of Clay Part 1'' [1.20]=== :''[About Matt Hagen's repeated use of "Renuyu" to restore his disfigured face]'' :'''Teddy Lupus''': You can't go on like this, Matt. You hurt all the time now. :'''[[w:Clayface|Matt Hagen]]''': ''[irritated]'' You're just my stand-in, Lupus. Nobody promoted you to nursemaid! :'''Lupus''': That stuff makes your face like putty, Matt; it can't be good for ya. :'''Hagen''': It probably ain't good for me. But unless I only want to do ''horror'' pictures, it ain't bad for me either. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Listen up, scumwad, 'cause I'm only gonna ask you once. Who was Lucius Fox meeting at the tram? :'''Raymond Bell''': Wayne... Bruce Wayne! :'''Batman''': You lying sleaze! You wanna rethink that answer? ===''Feat Of Clay Part 2'' [1.21]=== :'''Clayface''': ''[testing his new shapeshifting powers]'' The formula must have soaked every cell in my body. :'''Teddy Lupus''': It's.... It's some kind of miracle! ''[sees Matt change back into Clayface]'' Wha... What are you doing? :'''Clayface''': No. No! You broke my concentration! It won't work, don't you see?! It's too hard! It's like tensing a muscle - I can't keep it up for long! MY CAREER, MY ''LIFE'' - IT ''IS'' GONE! AND I CAN NEVER GET IT BACK! ''[In his rage, Clayface destroys several things in the trailer]'' I'm not an actor anymore! I'm not even... a ''man''! ''[Sobs softly]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Clayface''': Not even the Batman could stop me, Teddy. And that means ''Daggett'' won't have a prayer. :'''Teddy''': Matt, please, you don't wanna do anything crazy. Why don't you try to get some shuteye? :'''Clayface''': ''[growls]'' DON'T YOU DARE PATRONIZE ME!!! I told you I don't need rest! I don't need food! AND I DON'T NEED YOU!!!! ''[grabs Teddy and throws him to a bookcase then walks out the door]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Roland Daggett is at a talk show talking about Renuyu facial cream and the host entertains audience questions]'' :'''Woman''': I'd like to ask Mr. Daggett about the rumors I've heard. I hear he's selling Renuyu through direct marketing because stores won't carry it due to its harmful side effects. :'''[[w:Roland Daggett|Roland Daggett]]''': Well that's, uh, absolutely untrue- :'''Woman''': ''[stands up and approaches him]'' What about the addictive properties of Renuyu, Mr. Daggett? Once you're hooked, you can't stop using it without horrible...''pain''! :'''Daggett''': No! I mean... That's just not so! :'''Woman''': Why don't you show them what an ''overdose'' can do, Daggett?! Why don't you tell them ''[voices goes deeper]'' about ME?! ''[transforms into Clayface]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Batman tricks Clayface into confronting him in a recording room, where he turns multiple screens showing headshots of Clayface's past roles]'' :'''Clayface''': What are you doing?! Stop it! :'''Batman''': Look at them, Hagan. Look at what you used to be. :'''Clayface''': No, no! Turn them off! :'''Batman''': You can play those roles again, Hagan. Let me help you find a cure. :'''Clayface''': ''[begins to shapeshift into his past roles]'' No! Hagan's gone! Make him stop haunting me! ''[begins to uncontrollably shapeshift into his past roles]'' Stop it! Turn them off! I can't control it! I can't be all of them! Not all at once! :''[Batman tries to turn on some more screens, but Clayface knocks him out of the way and smashes the control panels; Clayface yanks off one of the screens and throws it at Batman, who dodges; the screen hits the big screen, causing an explosion; the police arrive to see Clayface in his shapeshifting seizure as he shifts his face into Bruce Wayne]'' :'''Officer''': Mother of mercy! It looks just like Bruce Wayne! :''[Clayface punches through two screens, electrocuting him and reverting back into his true form and he topples over; Batman walks up to Clayface]'' :'''Clayface''': ''[morphs into Matt Hagan]'' You know what I'd have given for a death scene like this? ''[morphs into his scarred form]'' Too bad I won't get to... read the notices. ''[faints and reverts back to his true form.]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Lucius Fox''': I'm just glad to know it wasn't really Bruce Wayne who attacked me. :'''Summer Gleeson''': Thank you, Mr. Fox. All charges against Wayne have, of course, been dropped. And Roland Daggett remains in custody. :''[as Alfred turns off the TV, Batman is experimenting with a piece of Clayface's clay]'' :'''Alfred''': My word, sir. I should think after all this, it would time to rest. :'''Batman''': Look. A piece of clay left behind when they took Hagan's body away. Watch. ''[zaps the clay with electricity, causing it to morph into multiple shapes]'' :'''Alfred''': Electricity has no effect on it? :'''Batman''': Exactly. ''[scene changes to a morgue where a doctor uncovers Clayface's body; voice-over]'' I wouldn't be surprised if the body they took to the morgue was only a shell ''[Clayface's body cracks and crumbles into little pieces]'' Don't forget, first and foremost, Hagan was an actor. ''[scene changes to Teddy outside the hospital]'' He said it himself, Alfred. He called it a scene. Maybe the greatest scene in his career. :'''Teddy''': ''[sadly]'' See you 'round, Matt. ''[walks away]'' :'''Batman''': A death scene so real... it fooled us all. :''[a woman laughs maniacally as her voice grows deeper and her eyes turn yellow, revealing her to be a disguised Clayface]'' ===''Joker's Favor'' [1.22]=== :'''[[w:Joker (comics)|Joker]]''': ''[tosses two pennies on the ground]'' There's your two cents. Now, what are you going to do to me? :'''Charlie''': Listen.... I... O'm sorry, really! I.... I had a bad day. Boss turned down my raise, and... :'''Joker''': Now look, my rude friend! We can't have people cursing at each other on the freeway. It's simply ''not polite''! ''[jumps down and grabs him]'' I'm just going to have to teach you some manners. ''[reaches into his coat]'' :'''Charlie''': Please don't! I have a family, a wife, a little boy! Please! I'll do anything to make it up! Anything! :'''Joker''': Anything, says you? ''[Charlie nods; Joker releases him]'' Okee-dokee! Wallet. :'''Charlie''': Uh, okay. I don't have much cash. :'''Joker''': Oh, please! Don't insult me! ''[takes out driver's license]'' Charles Michael Collins. That's you! Tsk tsk, lousy picture, though. Lousy! Address, height, weight, blah blah blah. ''[tosses the wallet back and keeps the license]'' Righty-o, Chuckers! Here's the deal. I'll let you off if you promise to do a little favor for me. :'''Charlie''': Okay. What? :'''Joker''': ''I DON'T KNOW! I HAVEN'T THOUGHT OF IT YET!'' You just toddle on back to your mundane, meaningless little life, and when I need you, I'll call. Fair? Good? Great! I'll be in touch. ''[walks away, laughing maniacally]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Charlie''': Hello? :'''Joker''': Hello, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': Wrong number, pal. My name is Don. :'''Joker''': Oh, no, no, no. This IS the right number, Charles Michael Collins. Oh, I don't know why you changed your name to Don Wallace and moved your family to 12 Marigold Lane, Springdale, Ohio. One might think you were trying to skip out on our little deal. ''[to Harley Quinn]'' Leave the sideburns. :'''Charlie''': Uh... how did you find me? :'''Joker''': Oh, I never lost you, Chaz. You've become my... HOBBY!! ''[laughs maniacally]'' Now, listen up, Charlie Brown. You're booked on the next flight to Gotham. Tell the family you have to visit a sick friend. Oh, and let's keep this to ourselves, 'kay? Bad things happen to people who gossip, capisce, Carlo? ''[Charlie looks out the window to see Joker's henchmen pull up to his house]'' :'''Charlie''': Yeah... :'''Joker''': Good! See ya! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': You miserable little ''nobody!'' If I get caught, your wife and son are history! :'''Charlie''': You're not getting caught. Not this time. I found this blown out of the van. :''[He pulls one of the Joker's bombs from his jacket, and the Joker looks shocked and afraid]'' :'''Charlie''': This is how it ends, Joker. No big schemes, no grand fight to the finish with the Dark Knight. Tomorrow, all the papers will say is that the great Joker was found blown to bits in an alley, alongside a "miserable little nobody"! ''[chuckles]'' Kinda funny. Ironic, really. See? I can destroy a man's dreams too! And that's really the only dream you've got, isn't it?! :'''Joker''': ''[still scared]'' Look, Charlie, you've had a busy day! All this running around, all this excitement with... ''[yelling out desperately]'' '''''BATMAN!''''' Stop! You... you're crazy! :'''Charlie''': I had a good teacher! ''[chuckles]'' Say goodnight, Gracie! :'''Joker''': ''[terrified, trying to crawl away]'' NO! '''BATMAN! ''BATMAN!''''' ''[sees Batman in the shadows, and gasps with relief and annoyance]'' How long have you been there?! :'''Batman''': Long enough. Put it down, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': You know he'll just escape again! This is the only way my family stays safe! :'''Joker''': All right, you win! Take it easy! ''[surrenders his notebook to Batman]'' Here's everything on his blasted family - names, addresses, it's all there! You're no fun anymore, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': Hey, Joker! ''[throws the bomb at the Joker, who cowers behind Batman - only for the "bomb" to release harmless confetti]'' Gotcha! :''[Batman lets out a short laugh]'' :'''Joker''': ''[dryly]'' Oh, very funny. A million laughs. :'''Batman''': Go home, Mr. Collins. :'''Charlie''': Home. I never thought that could sound so good. I wonder what Bonnie's making for dinner. Right now, anything would taste great. Even meatloaf. ===''Vendetta'' [1.23]=== :'''Batman''': Here's how it works, slimeball. I have questions, and if you have answers, I'll leave you alone. :'''Rupert Thorne''': Oh, I have plenty of answers... thirty-eight caliber answers. Now then, you were saying? :'''Batman''': ''[Using Thorne as a shield]'' I was saying, you'd better hope your men are ''very'' good shots. It's too hot in here. Let's get some air. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Killer Croc''': Terrific. Just what I need now. The freak job in the cape. :'''Batman''': You're no prize yourself. :'''Killer Croc''': ''[strangling Batman]'' What can I tell you now? Being a reptile man ain't pretty... but it's got its upside. Like having the strength of a crocodile, for instance! But I guess you've learned that by now, huh? ''[forcing Batman into the water]'' The hard way. You know, they used to call "Killer Croc" the meanest dude in the Wrestling Federation. Now they'll call him the guy who iced the Batman! :'''Batman''': ''[flip-kicks Killer Croc really hard and gets out of the water]'' Don't hold your breath. ===''Fear Of Victory'' [1.24]=== :'''Mr. Lucky''': Lost? You have that bewildered look, but your sort always does. :'''Thug''': ''[grabs him threateningly]'' I ain't lost. I'm lookin' for you! I wanna know how come you always win, Mr. Lucky. :'''Mr. Lucky''': It's quite simple, actually. I fix the games. :'''Thug''': You can't fix ''all'' those sports. Nobody can! :'''Mr. Lucky''': Oh, ye of little brain, allow me to illustrate. ''[hands the thug an envelope laced in fear toxin]'' Here. You can read, can't you? :'''Thug''': ''[reads it]'' "Boo!" Hey, is this some kinda joke? :'''Mr. Lucky''': It's no joke, I assure you. It's the fear of victory, and the agony of... ''[the thug pulls Mr. Lucky out of the shadows, revealing his true identity]'' '''the Scarecrow!''' :''[The thug gasps in fear, now a victim of his toxin]'' :'''Scarecrow''': So now you understand Step One in how I fix an athletic contest. ''[Scarecrow comes closer to the thug, causing him to fall into some stacks of hay]'' I shall proceed to Step Two! ''[chuckles evilly]'' :'''Thug''': No! NO! GET AWAY! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': There's enough powder in that helmet to panic a pachyderm! He should be postering himself, crying for mercy! :'''Batman''': Change of luck, Scarecrow? :'''Scarecrow''': YOU! :'''Batman''': You're aware that gambling is illegal in Gotham? :'''Scarecrow''': I need the money, Batman! You know the cost of chemicals these days. And it will take much more than this to bring every pathetic person in Gotham to their knees, kissing my feet! ''[reveals a vial of his fear chemical and dangles it above the crowd]'' No closer, Batman! Unless you want a stampede of half-crazed humanity crushing and clawing each other! Now... what guarantee do I have you won't follow me? :'''Batman''': You have my word, Scarecrow. Just don't drop the vial. :'''Scarecrow''': Actually, Batman, I'd prefer a little insurance that you'll be otherwise occupied! ''[drops it]'' ===''The Clock King'' [1.25]=== :'''Fugate''': (after judgment has been passed) No! You can't! I'll be ruined! :'''Judge''': Then perhaps this will teach you to be on time for a change. :'''Batman''': What kind of a saboteur uses a six-thousand dollar Metronex to set a time bomb? :'''Alfred''': A saboteur with too much money? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman:''' Hold it! :'''Fugate:''' Well, well. The Batman. It's about time you showed up! I suppose you want to know why I've brought Downtown Gotham to a standstill, Batman. Hm? Well, let's just say it's because I'm a civic minded citizen with a lot of time on his hands. :'''Batman''': I want some answers, wise guy. Talk! :'''Fugate''': A pity. I don't know what to tell you, Batman - except perhaps that the 9:15 is always six minutes early. :''(He falls off the building and lands safely on the roof of an oncoming train as it speeds away)'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mayor Hill is tied to the hands of a huge clock]'' :'''Clock King''': Comfortable, Hill? Well you won't be for long! At 3:15 on the dot, those hands will come together and you'll be crushed like an insect. 3:15, Hill. Does that time hold any meaning for you? :'''Mayor Hill''': I don't know what you're talking about! :'''Clock King''': You told me to take my coffee break at 3:15. :'''Mayor Hill''': What?! :'''Clock King''': You don't remember?! My ''court date!'' :'''Mayor Hill''': ''[finally realizing]'' Oh my Lord! The lawsuit! Fugate! I swear I was only trying to help! :'''Clock King''': Don't hand me that! You did it on purpose! The plaintiffs were represented by your law firm, Mr. Mayor! :'''Mayor Hill''': But I had nothing to do with that case, Fugate! :'''Clock King''': Not that it matters anymore. Now that you have an appointment to keep, at 3:15 precisely—with the '''Grim Reaper!''' ''[begins laughing maniacally]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I'm here to clean your clock, Fugate. :'''Fugate''': Don't count on it, Batman. When it comes to clocks, ''I'' am king. ''En garde''! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Stop this, Fugate! Hill committed no crime against you! :'''Temple Fugate''': He did worse than that! He made me late! :'''Batman''': Fugate! You can't escape! :'''Clock King''': Au contraire, Batman. You of all people should know, there's always a way out! :''(Fugate begins laughing maniacally as a huge clock wheel falls on him, sending him to his apparent death)'' ===''Appointment In Crime Alley'' [1.26]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': Roland Daggett's up to something, Alfred. :'''Alfred''': That almost goes without saying, doesn't it, sir? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Leslie Thompkins''': This used to be a beautiful street. Good people lived here once. :'''Batman''': ''[placing two roses on the ground]'' Good people still live in Crime Alley. ===''Mad As A Hatter'' [1.27]=== :'''Jervis Tetch''': ''[Discussing the subject of Alice to his lab rats.]'' Of course, intellectually I know it's wrong. After all, she has a boyfriend. Better to withdraw like a gentleman- forget her, turn my heart to other pursuits. ''[Brief pause]'' NEVER! After all, I've created a chip strong enough to control a human brain! It would be so easy to make her forget her boorish beau and love ME! But...that would reduce her to a soulless shell. No...not my Alice. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman has cornered Jervis Tetch, who just subdued Alice with her mindcontrol card and is at a dinner table with him]'' :'''Jervis Tetch/Mad Hatter''': I'll cut that cowl off your neck before you'll take her! I've waited my whole lonely life for her! :'''Batman''': Then all you've waited for is a puppet. A soulless little doll. :'''Mad Hatter''': It didn't have to be this way! You made me do this to her! ===''Dreams In Darkness'' [1.28]=== :'''Batman''': "There's always time to heal", the doctor told me, but he was wrong. There was no time left. Not for me, not for him, and not for Gotham City. And as long as I remained trapped in Arkham, there was nothing I could do, except wait for the end and remember the beginning. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': An entire city, screaming in fear... I wonder if we'll be able to hear it... ===''Eternal Youth'' [1.29]=== :'''Mrs. Thomas''': You wicked, evil- :'''Poison Ivy''': Evil, Mrs. Thomas? I don't control a company that leveled a thousand-year-old forest for a strip mine! THAT'S evil! ''[sprays a gas which causes Mrs. Thomas to become petrified; steals a pair of earrings]'' You and your kind owe Mother Nature a big debt, and I am here to make sure you pay up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': Right now, the bark is merely exoskeletal. It will take months of additional spraying before the transformations become irreversible. But, of course, I have the patience of a redwood. :'''Batman''': ''[snarling]'' And the convictions of a fanatic! :'''Poison Ivy''': Well, if you're not going to be part of the solution, you're obviously part of the problem. Ladies? :''[Ivy's henchwomen begin to spray Batman with the growth formula]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': This spray is triple-strength, Batman! It will start the transformation without any preliminaries! ''[Nothing seems to happen to Batman as he unties his hands]'' He should be sprouting leaves by now! :'''Batman''': ''[Unties his hands and stands up, blocking the spray with his cape as he advances]'' You made your secret too accessible, Ivy! I coated my outfit with a herbicidal antidote! :'''Poison Ivy''': Keep spraying! ''[Violet and Lily back away, still spraying, but Batman subdues them both]'' ===''Perchance To Dream'' [1.30]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[Looking down off the ledge, preparing to jump]'' You're wrong! There IS a way out! :'''Mad Hatter''': Now, now wait just a minute! You don't want to do anything foolish! This isn't an ordinary dream! What if you're wrong?! :'''Bruce Wayne''': '''THEN I'LL SEE YOU IN YOUR ''NIGHTMARES''!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': '''''WHY?''''' Why did you do it?! :'''Mad Hatter''': You, of all people, have the GALL to ask me that? You RUINED MY LIFE! I was willing to give you WHATEVER life you wanted, JUST TO KEEP YOU OUT OF ''MINE!'' <hr width="75%"/> ===''The Cape & Cowl Conspiracy'' [1.31]=== :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Look up "slippery" in the dictionary and you get Josiah Wormwood. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[About the [[w:Bat-Signal|Bat-Signal]]]'' Got a new toy, I see. :'''Gordon''': I figured it might come in handy. ===''[[w:Robin's Reckoning|Robin's Reckoning Part 1]]'' [1.32]=== :''[Robin and Batman are doing a stakeout]'' :'''Robin''': If I knew it was going to take THIS long, I would've brought my homework. You sure about this extortion ring? :'''Batman''': ''[Looking at the construction site through binoculars]'' Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': It's been four hours. :'''Batman''': Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': You still think they'll show? :'''Batman''': Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': Lucky for me, you're such a good conversationalist. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': If you protect him, Stromwell, I'll be very... GRUMPY. [[The Incredible Hulk|You don't want to see me when I'm grumpy]]. ===''[[w:Robin's Reckoning|Robin's Reckoning Part 2]]'' [1.33]=== :'''[[w:Tony Zucco|Tony Zucco]]''': I'm not back in town five minutes - FIVE MINUTES - and he's on my tail. You don't know the Bat. He don't let up! He's the dark angel of death, man, and he wants ME! :'''Mick''': ... Why you, boss? :'''Zucco''': HOW SHOULD I KNOW?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Robin is about to throw Tony Zucco off the pier]'' :'''Tony Zucco''': No, don't! Please... :'''Batman''': Robin! Enough. ''[limps towards him]'' You can't let your emotions get the best of you. :'''Robin''': Stuff your advice, Batman! You and your stone-cold heart! You don't know how I feel. HOW COULD YOU?!? ''[Batman looks at him, and Robin realizes what he said]'' Batman, I didn't mean to... I'm sorry. ''[after he sees the police coming, Robin seemingly readies to throw Zucco off the pier but simply throws him to the ground. The cops arrive and arrest Zucco.]'' You were right, you know, not bringing me along. You knew I'd take it too personally. :'''Batman''': It wasn't that, Robin. It wasn't that at all. Zucco's taken so much, caused you so much pain. I couldn't stand the thought that he might... take you, too. :'''Robin''': ''[putting a hand on Batman's shoulder]'' Come on, partner. It's been a long night. ===''The Laughing Fish'' [1.34]=== :'''Alfred''': ''[seeing Batman with a Joker Fish]'' Dining in tonight, sir? :'''Batman''': ''[sighs]'' The dissection tray, please, Alfred... :'''Alfred''': Any idea what our happy friend is up to now? :'''Batman''': Normal criminals usually have logical motives, but the Joker's insane schemes make sense to him alone. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': Ah-ah-ah-ahem! Look alive, wage slaves. Presenting that caliph of clowns, that mogul of mountebanks, the one and only Joker! :''[The Joker enters, laughing maniacally]'' :'''Francis''': Great Scott! :'''Joker''': Actually, I'm Irish. Good morning, Mister, err, ''[looks at his desk's name plate]'' Francis! Please allow me to introduce my associates. Miss Quinn. :'''Harley Quinn''': ''Enchante''! :'''Joker''': And Messrs, uh... oh, their names escape me for the moment. No matter! We gentlemen of business have arrangements to discuss. :'''Francis''': A... Arrangements? :'''Joker''': ''[drops a Joker Fish onto his desk]'' For my fish, of course! This has all been worked out far in advance, Francis. You are merely the last tiny cog in my grand design! So don't speak to me again, 'kay? Now, what is everyone in town talking about? :'''Francis''': Err... your fish? :'''Joker''': ''[smacks him with the fish]'' I TOLD YOU NOT TO SPEAK! :'''Harley''': ''[sniffs Francis]'' Ooh, fish stink-a-roony! ''[sprays him with a substance from a perfume bottle, making him cough]'' All better! :'''Joker''': As I was saying, since every fish in Gotham now bares my famous and frankly ''fabulous'' face, I should be getting a profit from every fish product sold. ''[one of his thugs pours out a pile of products]'' Let's say a nickel per fish sandwich, fifty cents for sardines - millions of dollars a day to finance my happily hedonistic lifestyle! So which of your tedious copyright forms do I fill out first? You may speak now. :'''Francis''': No one can copyright fish. They're a natural resource. :'''Joker''': But they share my unique face! [[w:Colonel Sanders|Colonel What's-His-Name]] has chickens, and they don't even have moustaches! :'''Francis''': I can't help it, it's the law! :'''Joker''': Oh! Trying to cheat the Joker, are ya?! Well, we'll see who has the last laugh. You have until midnight to change your mind, Francis, or you'll be the poorest fish of all! ''[leaves, laughing madly, with his thugs following]'' :'''Harley''': ''[blows Francis a kiss as she follows]'' Buh-bye! :'''Francis''': He's crazy...! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Francis''': Err, Batman? Why is this happening to me? I've never done anything to this Joker. I'm just a paper-pusher, I can't change the laws. I'm harmless! :'''Batman''': And in his sick mind, that's the joke, Mr. Francis. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Feeling all right? :'''Francis''': ''[scratching himself]'' Oh, sure. It's just that everything's been so crazy today. I haven't even had time to rinse off that gunk the Joker's girl squirted on me... :'''Batman''': ''[to Gordon]'' GET THIS MAN TO A HOSPITAL! ''NOW!'' :'''Francis''': What?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': You're right, Harley. Fish ''are'' disgusting. I think I'll start using my toxin on cattle. Joker Burgers! Ha! Talk about a [[w:McDonald's|Happy Meal!]] <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': ''[after hitting Batman with a big wrench]'' Meanwhile, back at the "wrench"...! Since my sidesplitters don't tickle you, how 'bout a ''skull''-splitter?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After the Joker is seemingly eaten by the shark]'' :'''Harley''': ''[sniffing sadly]'' Oh, my poor, poor puddin'... :'''Bullock''': Come on, he was a demented, abusive, psychotic maniac. :'''Harley''': Yeah... I'm really gonna miss him! ''[sobs into her handkerchief]'' :'''Gordon''': Do you think he's gone for good? :'''Batman''': Believe me, Jim, I wish it were true. But deep inside, I doubt it. ===''Night Of The Ninja'' [1.35]=== :'''[[w:Kyodai Ken|Kyodai Ken]]''': ''[Throwing Bruce]'' Don't be depressed, Wayne-san. You're not bad for a rich man's pampered son. :'''Sensei''': ''[Leaps across room and throws Kyodai]'' There's always someone better, Kyodai. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': His name is Kyodai Ken. He was good. :'''Robin''': Yeah? How good? :'''Batman''': ''[Quickly]'' Good. :'''Robin''': I see. <hr width="80%"/> ===''Cat Scratch Fever'' [1.36]=== :'''Selina Kyle''': Don't tell me you're my very own private probation officer. How often would you like me to check in? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': "Viral Antitoxins". For a plague that doesn't exist, yet, but if the plague is introduced via stray dogs and cats, it will blanket Gotham City within weeks! :'''Roland Daggett''': Days, actually. You know how many strays there are in Gotham, Batman? Three hundred thousand! Imagine if even a tenth of them carried the virus. Not only will this little bottle make me a hero, it'll make me a fortune as well. ===''The Strange Secret Of Bruce Wayne'' [1.37]=== :''[Joker, Two-Face, and Penguin are bidding over Batman's secret identity]'' :'''Two-Face''': $500,000 :'''Penguin''': Poof. Chicken feed. I'll bet a million! :'''Two-Face''': ''TWO'' Million! :'''Strange''': I have two million. Do I hear three? :'''Joker''': Hold it, hold it, HOLD IT! :'''Two-Face''': Get outta my face, clown! :'''Joker''': Which one? :''[An angered Two-Face is about to attack Joker, but Penguin intervenes]'' :'''Penguin''': Gentlemen, it behooves us not to fight amongst ourselves. :'''Joker''': Well put, sardine breath! I think we should ''pool'' our resources on this. $51,240,685! ''[gets out a little coin purse, and pours out some coins]'' And uh, 53 cents. :'''Strange''': Sold! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Strange''': Joker, please! I was set up! Bruce Wayne is Batman! :'''Two-Face''': That's absurd! I know Bruce Wayne. If he's Batman, I'm the King of England! :'''Joker''': And people say I'M crazy! ===''Heart Of Steel Part 1'' [1.38]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': And who's your little friend? :''[Barbara takes a teddy bear out of her purse]'' :'''Barbara Gordon''': Oh, this is Wubby. I've had him forever. Dad won't pick me up at the airport without bringing him along. :'''Commissioner Gordon''': ''[blushing]'' Well... he knows the way better than I do. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': ''[After learning about the AI project]'' Sounds as if the human race could become quite expendable, except for butlers, of course. :'''Batman''': Of course. ===''Heart Of Steel Part 2'' [1.39]=== :'''Randa''': You have immobilized the maker. :'''[[w:HARDAC|HARDAC]]''': His human imperfection endangers the plan. He must be improved upon. <hr width="50%"/> :'''HARDAC''': The maker's concept was sound, but he did not go far enough - which is why I have taken over. ===''If You're So Smart, Why Aren't You Rich?'' [1.40]=== :'''[[w:Riddler|Edward Nygma]]''': ''[Being cheated out of the sales of his game]'' You are a fool, Mockridge, to think you can get away with this! Your amoral greed is no match for an intellect like mine! :'''Mockridge''': Oh, yeah? Then tell me something, Eddie: if you're so smart, why aren't you ''rich?'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman reprograms the Hand of Fate, and uses it to carry himself and Robin to the centre of the maze]'' :'''Riddler''': That is grand-scale CHEATING, Batman! You're not allowed to tamper with the Hand of Fate! :'''Batman''': I don't believe in fate! :'''Riddler''': You probably don't believe in Minotaurs either, but you'll still have to answer the Riddle. :'''Minotaur Robot''': ''I have billions of eyes, yet I live in darkness. I have millions of ears, yet only four lobes. I have no muscles, yet I move two hemispheres. What am I?'' :'''Batman''': ''[pauses in thought]'' That's simple: the human brain. ''[The Minotaur backs away]'' It has billions of optic and auditory nerves, four lobes and two hemispheres, and it's the only thing Edward Nygma respects. :'''Riddler''': A lucky guess, that's all! But it won't save you, Batman! ''[to the Minotaur]'' DESTROY THEM! ===''Joker's Wild'' [1.41]=== :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[as Joker changes the channel in the TV]'' Hey, I was watching that! :'''Joker''': And now you're watching this! :'''Poison Ivy''': Change it back! :'''Joker''': Nope, nope, nope, nope, don't want to. :'''Poison Ivy''': Guard! :'''Security Guard''': What's the problem? :'''Joker''': Don't look now, Sonny Jim, but the plant lady's gone whackers again. :'''Poison Ivy''': He started it! I was just sitting here! :'''Joker''': That's right, you're always blaming me. And the children wonder why we fight! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...the Joker's Wild! :''[Cameron Kaiser cuts the ribbon and unveils a casino with a gigantic Joker head. He is seen spoken to by Summer Gleeson]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': Ugh, that is disgusting! :'''Cameraman''': Psst, Summer! We're on the air! :'''Summer Gleeson''': ''[mortified]'' Oh! Uh... there you have it! Let's get a reaction from the guests. Mr. Wayne? :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[equally nauseated]'' No comment. :'''Summer Gleeson''': Mr. Kaiser, why build a casino seemingly in honor of one of history's most notorious outlaws? :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Summer, please! Wild Joker is a classic symbol, long associated with cards and games. I can't help it if there's a some passing resemblance to some criminal fruitcake. :''[An enraged Joker smashes the television]'' :'''Joker''': How dare that smug, preening fool try to cash in on ''MY'' image! :'''Poison Ivy''': Now who should lighten up? :'''Joker''': Don't get cute with me, Red. He's ripping me off! I'll protest! Yeah! I'll sue! Then I'll rip his lungs out! And I will, too! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': It was a scheme worthy of ''me'', Kaiser, the way you got me riled up and turned me loose on this place! :'''Cameron Kaiser''': You...! You were supposed to destroy the casino! :'''Joker''': Yeah, but then I realized it'd be more fun to get rid of you and run the show myself! :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Bu-But you can't...! :'''Joker''': Oh please, Mr. Kaiser! You of all people should have realized there'd be a Joker in the deck! ''[laughs]'' ===''Tyger Tyger'' [1.42]=== :'''Dorian''': I want to test Tygrus' reflexes and feral strength, and who better to pit him against than you? I'll give you a generous head start before I release Tygrus. If you defeat him, I shall relinquish this, the antigen to reverse Catwoman's mutation. :'''Batman''': How do I know you'll keep your word? :'''Dorian''': You don't. The clock is ticking, Batman. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': So you ''can'' talk. :'''Tygrus''': My father taught me. :'''Batman''': Your father was a test tube. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': Batman! The antidote! I'll be stuck like this forever! :'''Tygrus''': Would that be so bad? You could stay here, with me. :'''Catwoman''': Oh, Tygrus... I can't live like this, I have to be human again. :'''Tygrus''': ''[sadly, taking her hands in his]'' Goodbye, Selina. :''[As he leaves, Catwoman sees that he has given here the serum. She looks overjoyed, then calls out to him]'' :'''Catwoman''': Wait - won't you come with us? There's nothing for you here. :'''Tygrus''': There's nothing for me anywhere. ''[disappears into the falling rain]'' :'''Batman''': ''[in voiceover]'' "[[w:The Tyger|Tyger Tyger burning bright, in the forests of the night: what immortal hand or eye, dare frame thy fearful symmetry?]]" ===''Moon Of The Wolf'' [1.43]=== :'''Professor Milo''': What you're suffering from is an early stage of lycanthropy, more commonly known as werewolfism; for that I have no treatment. However, advanced werewolfism can be cured. :'''Anthony Romulus''': ''[after a wolf howls, Anthony starts transforming]'' Ohhh, you fool! There's no telling what the werewolf might do! :'''Professor Milo''': Hey, ask me if I care. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Do me a favour, shaggy: stay down! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bullock''': No trace of Wolfie! We checked the shoreline for miles! But in four weeks, there's another full moon. Then we'll know for sure. ===''Day Of The Samurai'' [1.44]=== :''[Batman swoops away after rescuing his Sensei's student, Kairi]'' :'''Kairi''': ''[In Japanese]'' Spirit of the bat... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yoru''': If you see Batman, tell him I have great respect for him. :'''Bruce''': Why? He's as much a ninja as Kyodai was. :'''Yoru''': Not so. Batman offered to help his adversary, and a lesser man would have used the secrets of the Onemuri touch against his opponent. Batman is the essence of samurai, Wayne-san. You would do well to remember that. :'''Bruce''': ''[bows]'' Domo arigato, sensei. ===''Terror In The Sky'' [1.45]=== :'''Batman''': Reports of a huge bat creature the size of a man. Remind you of anybody? :'''Alfred''': Present company excluded? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You couldn't leave it alone, could you, March? You've recreated the mutagen. :'''March''': ''[aiming a tranquilizer rifle at him]'' Recreated it? I've ''refined'' it! At night, on my own, so the others wouldn't know. I still believe only a creature like a Man-Bat can survive the next evolutionary cataclysm - and it will! My new serum could be even more powerful than Kirk's! :'''Batman''': ''[after disarming March]'' "''Could'' be"? What do you mean? :'''March''': I needed to test it, but before I had the chance-- :'''Batman''': ''[clearly surprised]'' You mean you ''haven't'' taken it? :'''March''': Of course not! The experimental batch was destroyed. I'll have to-- :'''Batman''': Destroyed? How? :'''March''': I'd been working through the night. I was just completing the final combination. ''[remembers incident at his lab as he drops the beaker of mutagen upon Francine's surprise entry]'' Francine burst in. I was startled. You have to understand I was very tired, I accidentally dropped the beaker. The whole night's work, ruined! Francine never guessed what I was doing, she even helped me clean up the mess. All that... glass! ''[recalls Francine licking her finger after it is pricked by a small shard of glass]'' Oh... oh, my lord... Francine! The mutagen - it's in ''her'' bloodstream now! ''[breaks down at his folly as Batman loads a tranquilizer into a pistol of his and then gives March the formula paperwork]'' :'''Batman''': Is ''that'' what it's going to take? Your daughter's life, before you end this insanity? :''[Later that night, March burns the files]'' ===''Almost Got 'Im'' [1.46]=== :'''Joker''': I want a nice clean game, gentlemen. :'''Penguin''': That'll be a first. So, I hear 'you-know-who' nailed the Mad Hatter last week. :'''Joker''': No kidding. He sure gets around for one guy. :'''Two-Face''': Yeah, well that's where you're wrong. I don't think it IS one guy. :'''[[w:Killer Croc|Killer Croc]]''': Huh? :'''Two-Face''': The way I figure it, Gordon's got a bunch of 'em stashed someplace like a SWAT team. He wants you to think it's one guy, but- :'''Joker''': Meh. You're always seeing double. :'''Penguin''': It's obvious our caped friend suffered some crime-related trauma when he was younger. Perhaps an over-anxious mugger blew off a piece of his face. :'''Joker''': Sure! He could be all gross and disgusting under that mask! ''[as Two-Face crushes a milk carton]'' Uh, no offense, Harv. :'''Two-Face''': Just deal. :'''Killer Croc''': Well, ya know what ''I'' think? :'''Joker''': Not the robot theory again... :'''Killer Croc''': Well, he COULD be. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Two-Face''': Poison Ivy... :'''Poison Ivy''': It's been a long time Harvey. You're still looking...halfway decent. :'''Two-Face''': Half of me wants to strangle ya. :'''Poison Ivy''': And what's the other part want? :'''Two-Face''': To hit you with a truck! :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[to the others]'' We used to date. :'''Penguin/Joker''': Ah. ===''Birds Of A Feather'' [1.47]=== :'''[[w:Penguin (comics)|Penguin]]''': Say, who's there? Two-Face? Croc? Joker, old shoe? :'''Batman''': None of the above, Penguin. :'''Penguin''': Oh no, not you... :'''Batman''': Get used to it. Wherever you go, I'll be right behind you. :'''Penguin''': Precisely where you belong. But you needn't bother. Haven't you heard? I've reformed. Paid my debt to society, and all that. :'''Batman''': We'll see. I just came to tell you to keep your beak clean. :'''Penguin''': ''[grabs a can of rat poison]'' As long as you're here, won't you stay for a cappuccino? :''[Batman gives him an annoyed look before leaving]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Batman defeats a gang of thugs threatening the Penguin and Veronica]'' :'''Batman''': I knew you couldn't stay clean for more than one day. :'''Veronica''': Let him go! He didn't do anything. It was those brutes! :'''Batman''': ''[genuinely surprised]'' He wasn't with them? :'''Penguin''': That's right, you vulgar vigilante! In my day, I associated with a much higher class of riff-raff! :'''Veronica''': I'm so sorry, Ozzie. :'''Penguin''': As long as you weren't bruised, my peach. ''[kisses her hand]'' :'''Batman''': "Peach"? :'''Penguin''': Why don't you be a good masked man and ride off into the night? This time, ''I'll'' clean up after ''you.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Veronica''': Please, Oswald! If it's money you want, I can get you more! :'''Penguin''': ''SHUT UP!'' All I wanted from ''you'', dearie, was a little friendship. That would have cost you ''nothing.'' But now you'll pay! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Veronica''': Oswald? I really was growing fond of you. It's too bad this had to happen. :'''Penguin''': ''[coldly]'' I suppose it's true what they say: society is to blame. ''High'' society. ===''What Is Reality?'' [1.48]=== :'''Batman''': "Where does a 500 pound gorilla sleep?" "What's worse than a millipede with flat feet?" "How do you stuff five elephants into a compact car?" :'''Alfred''': Anywhere it wants, a giraffe with a sore throat, and two in the front seat, two in the back, and one in the trunk. :'''Batman''': Yeah, yeah. I know, I know. Any schoolboy knows those. But brain teasers are the Riddler's M.O. Not corny old jokes like these. :'''Alfred''': Perhaps the questions are the clues, not the answers. For example, they all seem to involve animals. :'''Batman''': Also numbers. A ''500'' pound gorilla. A millipede, meaning a thousand legs. And five elephants. Now let's convert them to Roman numerals. ''[he does, revealing the letters DMV]'' Look! :'''Alfred''': DMV... :'''Batman and Alfred''': Department of Motor Vehicles! :'''Alfred''': But I recall you mentioning he'd already obliterated his records there, so why return? :'''Batman''': For the hard copy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no tales. :'''Batman''': Another riddle, Nygma? :''[Four quarters and a single penny emerge from the return change chute]'' :'''Riddler''': It all makes sense when you add it up! :''[In the Batmobile]'' :'''Alfred''': Four quarters and a penny, sir? :'''Batman''': Penny... Penny... Cent... Red cent... Copper. It's made of copper. :'''Alfred''': And "copper" is another word for a policeman. :'''Batman''': And "no tails" would be heads. Police head... Quarters! :'''Alfred''': Police Headquarters. Bravo, sir! It does make "cents" when you add it up! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': He can't be online! I searched through every file. :'''Riddler''': You searched the software. Had you bothered to examine the hardware you would have discovered a cordless modem line. :'''Riddler''': A pity you can't earn extra lives in this game.Quite an experience being riddled with questions, isn't it, Batman :'''Robin''': Batman don't open that door Crazy Intent means Loco Motion! Batman finds himself on a chessboard: :'''Riddler''':Only Batman can put the King in check and you have to move according to the rules or its the end of the day :'''Robin''':They call you the dark Knight..so you have to move like a knight (If Batman fails to move as a knight it'll be "KNightfall" (!) :'''Riddler''':Careful, vigilante, you know what they say, "Curiosity killed the Bat". :'''Batman''': Can you solve it? :'''Robin''': Are you kidding? You're looking at the guy who solved the Baxter's Box puzzle in 37 seconds! Course, this time I don't have a sledge hammer... After escaping Riddler Virtual realty Traps, Batman tries to rescue Gordon from Riddler :'''Batman''': You may control this world, Nygma, but I still control myself! :'''Riddler''': The name is "Riddler"! Edward Nygma doesn't exist anymore! You may recall that he was once fired by an ungrateful employer! That was a private matter and was meant to remain one! :'''Batman''': Attempted homicide is never a "private matter", Nygma! :'''Riddler''': No, but it would have been if you hadn't interfered and turned Edward Nygma into a fugitive! So I deleted Nygma. Just as I'm about to delete you, Batman. :'''Batman''':Tell me this.. Riddler how can you spread your conscious thirty-two times..and still have the concentration to keep your world together? YOU CAN'T! Batman saves Gordon :'''Riddler''': No....NO..... I can escape that easy...but if the Planet was equitable...I'd still have my old Job....No...wait...I'M ...not Ready.....AHHHHH' :'''Gordon''': But we'll never find him :'''Batman''': I think he left us a clue..."If the planet were equitable, I'd still have my old job". :'''Robin''': Of course. If the "World's Fair," I'd still have my "Ex-position". Oh, give me a break. [Batman, Robin and Gordon find Riddler mind trapped in his virtual realty world] :'''Batman''': Looks like he didn't escape his virtual reality in time. :'''Robin''': You mean he's been trapped inside his own program? :'''Batman''': Could be and how to get him out may be a riddle no one can solve. ===''I Am The Night'' [1.49]=== :'''Batman''': A weary body can be dealt with. But a weary spirit? That's something else. Sometimes, old friend, I wonder if I'm really doing any good out there. :'''Alfred''': How can you doubt it? The lives you've saved, the criminals you've brought to justice-- :'''Batman''': I've put out a few fires, yes. Won a few battles. But the war goes on, Alfred. On and on... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Leslie Thompkins''': You seem quieter than usual tonight. :'''Batman''': Every year, I come here and wonder if it should be the last time. If I should put the past behind me, try to lead a normal life. :'''Dr. Thompkins''': [[George Santayana|Santayana]] says, "Those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it." :'''Batman''': He also said a fanatic is someone who redoubles his efforts while losing sight of his goal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I chose this life. I use the night - I ''became'' the night. Sooner or later, I'll go down. It might be the Joker, or Two-Face, or just some punk who gets lucky. My decision, no regrets. But I can't let anyone else pay for my mistakes. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': "[[Friedrich Nietzsche|When you look too long into the abyss, the abyss looks back through you.]]" Maybe it's time for Batman to return to the night that spawned him, before anyone else gets hurt! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[grabs Wizard]'' Up to your old tricks, I see. How about returning that suitcase to its owner? :'''Wizard''': Hey, man, I ''am'' the owner. :''[Batman, surprised, lets him go]'' :'''Wizard''': Y'know, I was kinda hoping I'd run into you. I'd been in those places like where you left me before. Heard the rap, wasn't impressed. But this time, it made sense. Maybe I was ready to hear it. So I'm heading back home. I guess I kinda owe it to you, Batman. You probably saved my life. I'll bet you hear this all the time. Look, I'm gonna miss my bus, I'll see you around. And... thanks. :''[Batman smiles as he watches Wizard leave]'' ===''Off Balance'' [1.50]=== :'''[[w:Talia al Ghul|Talia]]''': My contact lenses! I lost them when we fell! They counter the distortion effect. Without them, I'm as helpless as you. :'''Batman''': I don't do helpless. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Ra's al Ghul|Ra's al Ghul]]''': So even in defeat, the detective manages to achieve some small measure of victory. As you said, detective: this is not over. ===''The Man Who Killed Batman'' [1.51]=== :'''Joker''': You know, there's just one thing bothering me about your story, Sid. No body. No BATUS DELECTI so to speak. We need to pull a job tonight just to make sure. :'''Murphy, Joker's henchman''': Make sure what, boss? :'''Joker''': ''[surprised by Murphy's question]'' Why that old Batsy's bought the cave of course, and one more thing Murphy.....''[turning more annoyed]'' don't ask stupid questions. ''[pushes Murphy to the hyenas who scratch and lick him crazily, to Joker's satisfaction]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': I'll get the mop. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': When the cops come, stall them for awhile, just until Batman arrives. '' Got it?'' :'''Henchman''': Right, boss. :'''Joker''': ''[to Murphy, still scarred from the hyenas]'' Any questions, Murph? :'''Murphy''': No sir! :'''Joker''': ''[to Sid The Squid]'' Good man. And if Batman hasn't ''really'' gone to his final reward, ''we'll'' see that he gets there! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Dear friends... today is the day the Clown cried. And he cries not for the passing of one man, but for the death of a dream. The dream that he would someday taste the ultimate victory over his hated enemy. For it was the Batman who made me the happy soul I am today. How I agonized over the perfect way to thank him for that. Perhaps with a cyanide pie in the face. Or an exploding whoopie-cushion playfully planted in the Batmobile. But those dreams were dashed by the weaselly little gunsel sitting there in our midst. The cowardly insignificant gonif who probably got lucky when Batman slipped on the slime trail this loser left behind him. This mound of diseased hyena filth who's not fit to lick the dirt from my spats...! But I digress. The time for sorrow has passed. It's time to look to a future filled with smiles. And I'll be smiling again just as soon as we take that man THERE...and slap him in that box THERE...and roll him into that vat of acid THERE! Well that was fun...who's for Chinese?! ===''Mudslide'' [1.52]=== :'''Clayface''': ''[After civilians flee in terror upon seeing his true form]'' That's right, run! Run for your measly lives! Run from Clayface! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Clayface''': You've upstaged me for the last time, Batman. Time to bring down the curtain! ===''Paging The Crime Doctor'' [1.53]=== :'''Rupert Thorne''': You think you iced the Batman, huh? Heh heh heh... Not on your best day, Jake! I'd cover my back if I were you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce Wayne''': Bruce Wayne, Dr. Thorne. Thomas Wayne's son. Did you get my letter? :'''[[w:Joseph Campanella|Matthew Thorne]]''': Yes. Thomas Wayne... :'''Bruce Wayne''': I told you I can help with your legal costs, maybe even put in a good word with the judge. :'''Matthew Thorne''': Yes, but what do you get out of it? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Well, there is something you can do for me. :'''Matthew Thorne''': I knew it! I knew there'd be a catch. Sorry, Mr. Wayne. Matthew Thorne is no longer for sale! :'''Bruce Wayne''': I'm not looking for any illegal favors. :'''Matthew Thorne''': What then? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Something you know. Something only you can give me. ''[pause]'' Tell me about my father. :''[Dr. Thorne grins and camera pans out as he ushers Bruce to resume his seat]'' ===''Zatanna'' [1.54]=== :'''[[w:Zatanna|Zatanna]]''': What do you care about some leggy dame in nylons- or have I just answered my own question? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zatanna''': ''[About Batman's mask]'' What happened that made you put this on? :'''Batman''': A painful memory, and a promise. ===''The Mechanic'' [1.55]=== :'''The Penguin''': ''[furious at his men for stealing the wrong stamps by mistake]'' These are terrible! Terrible! :'''Eagleton''': ''[indignant]'' Come on, boss. Give me a break. We got you the stamps. What more do you want? :'''The Penguin''': ''[tossing the worthless stamps angrily]'' I wanted the rare ones! The reversed Audubons! These aren't worth enough to pay for the repairs to the limousine. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Earl Cooper''': ''[sees the damaged Batmobile]'' You been letting the kid drive again? :'''Robin''': Ha ha. Actually we were playing chicken with a penguin. :'''Batman''': Or three of his men. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Penguin is scrubbing license plates in prison]'' :'''Penguin''': ''[reading one]'' "1 BAT 4U"?! ''[breaks it in anger]'' ===''Harley and Ivy'' [1.56]=== :'''Joker''': NO, we didn't get the diamond! The Dork Knight showed up before we even got to the museum! I had a great shot at him, too. Except... my dear little Harley Quinn handed me the wrong gun! :'''Harley Quinn''': But puddin', it was kinda funny watching you shoot at him with the bang flag! ''[Rocco and Henshaw can't help laughing then stifle it as the Joker glares at them]'' :'''Joker''': ''[turning back to Harley]'' Funny? You presume to tell me what I should think is funny?!? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[Poison Ivy trips the alarm, spoiling and hers and Harley Quinn's separate robberies]'' Nice going, butterfingers! Why not turn on the Bat-Signal while you're at it? :'''Poison Ivy''': I wasn't TRYING to get caught! :'''Harley Quinn''': Could've fooled me! Hey, aren't you that plant lady Poison Oakie? :'''Poison Ivy''': Ivy! Poison IVY, not Oakie! :'''Harley Quinn''': Sorry! Harley Quinn, please to meet ya! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Poison Ivy is about to give an injection to Harley Quinn]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': I hate shots! I hate shots! :'''Poison Ivy''': Now, now. You're not immune to poison like I am, and you won't last ten minutes here in Toxic Acres without my antidote. ''[gives the injection]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': Oooh! Whew, you'd think after livin' with Mr. J, I'd be used to a little pain. :'''Poison Ivy''': Why do you put up with that clown? :'''Harley Quinn''': Don't get me wrong. My puddin's a little rough sometimes, but he loves me, really. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[sarcastically]'' Sure he does. You're just one big, forgiving doormat, aren't you? :'''Harley Quinn''': I am NOT a doormat! ...Am I? :'''Poison Ivy''': If you had a middle name, it would be Welcome. But cheer up, kid. You just need some lessons in good old female self-esteem. In other words, let's play with the boys on ''our'' terms. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': That should keep you big strong men busy while we weak little girls loot your trophy room. :'''Harley Quinn''': Gee, Ives, you got style! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[sighs softly]'' No offense, Ives, but I'm not very hungry. Somehow I don't feel like my old perky self. Something's missing. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[angrily slams her form on Harley's plate]'' Will you stop?! I can't believe you're still mooning over that psychotic creep! :'''Harley Quinn''': Well, maybe I'd feel better if I knew he missed me, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': HARLEY!!! This place is going to blinking blue blazes! Anybody seen my socks?! '''HARLEY!!!''' ''[the hyenas snarl at Joker]'' OH!! They snapped at me! What's going on, Rock? This place is a mess, no one's fed the hyenas and I can't find my socks! Where's Harley?! :'''Rocko''': Y-y-ya canned her, boss. Remember? :'''Joker''': So? She's always come back before. :'''Rocko''': Gee... I guess ya ain't seen the papers then. :'''Joker''': Papers?! What are you babbling about?! ''[snatches the newspaper from Rocko and reads an article of Harley's partnership with Poison Ivy]'' '''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!''''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[to Poison Ivy]'' I remember when I would go driving like this with Mr. J. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[imitating Harley Quinn]'' "Mr. J, Mr. J." Oh, change the record, Harl! You wanna be some wacko's victim the rest of your life?! ===''Shadow Of The Bat Part 1'' [1.57]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[indignant after reading about James Gordon's arrest]'' We'll see about this. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara Gordon]]''': So Batman can't help me? Fine. Let's see what Batgirl can do! ===''Shadow Of The Bat Part 2'' [1.58]=== :'''Two-Face''': Don't get wise with me, Mason. Remember who got you set up as Gordon's assistant? :'''Gil Mason''': Right, Harvey, right. :'''Two-Face''': ''[grabs him]'' Don't call me that! It's TWO-FACE to you, pretty boy! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I should've known it would be Two-Face. It's a perfect two-part plan. He consolidates the gangs while Mason takes over the police. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Gil Mason is about to murder James Gordon to become commissioner, and later mayor]'' :'''Gil Mason''': It's business, Jim. Nothing personal. Matter of fact, I respect you, I do. But a fellow has to take his opportunities where he finds them. And with you out of the way, I'll be mayor inside of a year! :'''Gordon''': You're SICK, Gil! ''[glances at Two-Face]'' A lot sicker than him! At least I can see his bad half! :'''Mason''': Sorry you feel that way. At least you won't have to worry about Barbara. I'll take good care of her. She's very fond of me, you know. :'''Gordon''': You piece of scum! I may not be able to stop you, but I know someone who will! :'''Mason''': I wouldn't get your hopes up. You see, there's been a recent decline in the bat population... ===''Blind As A Bat'' [1.59]=== :'''Penguin''': Your aim appears to be a little off today, Batman. I don't think you could hit the broad side of a barn, let alone the broad side of this bird! You're blind as a bat. Sightless and helpless. :'''Batman''': You've got ''one'' right. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': You have a call on your private line. :'''Bruce''': Then let's go! :'''Alfred''': In your condition, sir? :'''Bruce''': If you think a little inconvenience like this is going to stop me... :''[he knocks over a lamp]'' :'''Alfred''': Indeed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': ''[contacting Mayor Hill's office from the Raven]'' Quite a machine, this Raven. Amazing what its communications equipment can do. Don't you agree? You've received my instructions? :'''Mayor Hill''': They arrived by messenger this morning. You know, one-hundred million is a a lot of money. It'll take time to raise that much. :'''Penguin''': You're stalling, Hill. Obviously, you're not taking me seriously. I've warned you not to make that mistake. Apparently, I'll have to show you why. :''[shuts off communication and Hill angrily snaps his pencil in half]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Hill''': Just what I was afraid of. According to the controller's office, we can't come close to putting that ransom together. Not without shutting down basic municipal services. :'''Detective Bullock''': So what other options do we got? :'''Batman''': ''[emerging from the shadows]'' None, gentlemen. Which is why you're going to do exactly what the Penguin wants you to. ===''The Demon's Quest Part 1'' [1.60]=== :'''Ra's al Ghul''': As [[W:Napoleon|Napoleon]] told me, "A strong will can fuel a frail physique." <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Look at it, detective. One of the last of the rainforests. The world depends upon its oxygen, yet the rich see only profit in its destruction. You, who belong to the overclass, have much to answer for. :'''Batman''': Bruce Wayne donates millions of dollars a year to preserve these forests. :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Which are being depleted at the rate of 120,000 acres a day. Does your money solve this problem? No! It will take more than wealth. It will take power, and I fear, ruthlessness. Humankind must be forced to serve the planet instead of its own appetites. :'''Batman''': And you're the one who'll do the forcing? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': I am... qualified, yes. But I may not have sufficient lifetimes left to me. ===''The Demon's Quest Part 2'' [1.61]=== :'''Ubu''': Infidel! :'''Batman''': If you only knew how sick I am of you calling me that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ra's al Ghul''': The material of the Pit is an unknown chemical stew that bubbles to the Earth's surface only in certain key places. Even now, my people are placing bombs, such as that one, over the various Lazarus Pits around the world. These bombs are electronically linked to a private satellite already in Earth orbit. :'''Batman''': ''Orpheus''. :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Precisely. And at the moment when sun and moon are in proper alignment to cause the greatest upheaval in Earth's geomagnetic field, I shall send a signal to that satellite, beginning a countdown. Five minutes thereafter, one bomb will be lowered deep into the heart of each Pit. The satellite will in turn relay a microwave signal that will detonate all the bombs simultaneously. The multiple explosions will result in a global chain reaction. All the Lazarus Pits throughout the world will overflow. The globe will be saturated with their chemical solution, and when the resultant cataclysm has abated, there will come a blessed peace, and this poor, defiled planet shall find itself restored to its former pristine glory. :'''Batman''': But that will cost countless lives! :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Actually, Detective, we ''have'' counted: Two billion, fifty-six million, nine hundred and eighty-six thousand! A most impressive plan, would you not agree? :'''Batman''': Yes... I can see it clearly now for the first time. You are completely out of your mind. ===''His Silicon Soul'' [1.62]=== :'''Rossum''': You don't understand. You're not a man's mind in a robot's body. You're a robot. Period. :'''Bat-Duplicant''': You're lying! It's not possible! I know my family and friends! I remember names, faces, birthdays! I have memories! A past! :'''Rossum''': You have information. Data. Nothing more. Do you remember your first kiss? Your favorite song? The last time you tasted a really good steak? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[about the duplicant]'' Could it be it had a soul, Alfred? A soul of silicon, but a soul nonetheless. ===''Fire From Olympus'' [1.63]=== :'''Stavros''': Please! It's not what you think. I wasn't going to say anything. Honest! :'''[[w:Maxie Zeus|Maximillion "Maxie" Zeus]]''': Silence! First, you transgress against me. Then, you force me to descend to the mortal plane. And now, you tell me I know not what I think?! :'''Stavros''': No! :'''Zeus''': To the depths of Tartarus with you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zeus''': You bore me with these tales of petty human concerns. :'''Clio''': ''[annoyed]'' You're doing it again, Max. :'''Zeus''': You are Clio, my muse of history. Amuse me with tales of ancient times when mortals trembled at the name of Zeus. :'''Clio''': You want a story? I got one. Seems there was this guy named Max who, because he'd been lucky so far in the smuggling racket, believed himself to be untouchable, superior, godlike... :'''Zeus''': There's a cynical edge to your voice I don't appreciate. Know you not, I am above mortal constraints of right and wrong? :'''Clio''': No one is above the law, Max. :'''Zeus''': I make my own laws! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zeus''': Begone, Lord [[w:Hades|Hades]]. Get thee back to thine own realm. Do not come again to Olympus until bidden! :'''Batman''': I think I get the message. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Clio''': ''[telling Batman about Zeus]'' He wasn't always this way, you know. But then business got bad and he started handling cargo for the mob. After a while, with the pressure, the tension... things got confused. He's not living in the real world anymore. ''[awkwardly]'' Maybe you can relate to that? :'''Batman''': ''[after a short silence]'' You're the only one who can get me close enough to help him - while some of the man you knew still exists. ===''Read My Lips'' [1.64]=== :'''Batman''': How do you think I found this place? The phone book? I had help. ''Inside'' help. :'''[[w:Ventriloquist (comics)|Scarface]]''': My premonition! I knew I was right! Which one of you louses is it?! :'''Rhino''': It ain't me boss! :'''Scarface''': I know it ain't you, Rhino! You're too stupid to be a traitor! :'''Rhino''': Thanks, boss. :'''Scarface''': But whoever it is, they're gonna pay big time! Who is it?! You don't talk, you get the ultimate massage! :'''Batman''': And if I tell? :'''Scarface''': Maybe you just get run over by a truck. :'''Batman''': Tempting, but no. :'''Scarface''': Have it your way. Rhino! :''[Rhino gets ready to pull the lever to lower Batman to a pit of mannequins with razor-sharp fingernails]'' :'''Batman''': Hold it! :'''Scarface''': This is gettin' old, Bats. Last chance, who's the traitor? :'''Batman''': Him! The Ventriloquist! :''[everyone glares at the Ventriloquist]'' :'''Ventriloquist''': No, no! He's lying! I told you when he came into my room! :'''Scarface''': So what? Maybe you did 'cause I had ya cornered. Heard ya talkin' to Batman. :'''Batman''': ''[uses his own ventriloquism to imitate the Ventriloquist]'' Shut up, you blockhead! :'''Scarface''': WHAT DID YOU SAY?! :'''Ventriloquist''': It wasn't me! I didn't say that! My lips didn't move! :'''Scarface''': So what?! You're a ventriloquist! You're also a lyin' yellow liver-bellied two-face! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, Scarface! I'm loyal! I'd never! :'''Batman''': He's been feeding me information, in return for legal protection. ''[imitates the Ventriloquist again]'' You're going up the river, sawdust-for-brains! :'''Scarface''': Why, I oughta...! Waste the floor-flusher! Come on, I gave an order! ICE HIM! DO IT! DO IT NOW! :'''Muggsy''': But, boss, we ventilate the Ventriloquist, your, y'know... :'''Scarface''': I'M SURROUNDED BY TRAITORS! Okay, fine. Ya want something done right, do it yourself! ''[aims his gun at the Ventriloquist]'' ===''The Worry Men'' [1.65]=== :'''Veronica''': If ever someone led a worry-free life, it's you, Bruce Wayne. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce''': Tell me, Alfred: what's an ancient Mayan witch doctor doing on a Gotham skyscraper? :'''Alfred''': This isn't one of those Riddler questions, is it? :'''Bruce''': No, but it's just as confusing. <hr width="50%"/> :''[As Batman attempts to escape from his guillotine]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Oh, you're a clever one! But I will not be denied! As the great [[w:Lewis Carroll|Lewis Carroll]] said: "[[w:Jabberwocky|One, two, one, two, and through and through the vorpal blade went snicker-snack! He left it dead, and with its head, he went galumphing back!]]" <hr width="50%"/> :''[Freed from his mind control, the Mad Hatter's jaguar gang turn on him]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Stop! :'''Shaman''': Yes, stop. Leave him to the police. :'''Mad Hatter''': Thank you. Thank you, you generous, forgiving, ''[draws a gun from his hat]'' noble fool! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': I must say, after all the Hatter put him through, that fellow showed remarkable restraint. :'''Bruce''': When everything was said and done, all the shaman really wanted was to go home. In fact, I hear he even sent the Hatter a farewell gift. :''[The Hatter is seen tossing and turning in bed in Arkham]'' :'''Bruce''': Something to ensure that Jervis Tetch only dreams of a good honest life from now on. :''[A Batman doll is revealed from under the Hatter's pillow]'' ==Season 2== ===''Sideshow'' [2.1]=== :'''Killer Croc''': You know, there's something the brains back at the joint didn't think about. :'''Prison Guard''': Yeah, what's that? :'''Killer Croc''': Crocodile's got the strongest jaws of any animal around. ''[bites his handcuffs in half]'' :'''Prison Guard''': ''[spits the coffee out of his mouth and pins Croc with the shotgun]'' Get back! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman arrives with his shadow. Goliath wakes up and Batman covers Goliath's mouth by calming him down]'' :'''Batman''': Calm down, I won't hurt you. I'm just looking for someone: half man, half crocodile. ''[Goliath looks over worriedly]'' He's in there, isn't he? :'''Goliath''': ''[Pushes Batman to the cage]'' No! Stay away! ''[Holds him against it]'' He's one of us. Croc, run! :'''Batman''': ''[Kicks Goliath into the stomach]'' I don't wanna hurt you. :'''Goliath''': Don't worry, you won't. ''[Hits Batman with the big punch and Batman and Goliath starts fighting]'' :'''Killer Croc''': ''[Comes out of the house]'' You. ''[Gives Batman a spear]'' :'''Billy''': Richard, help! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Billy the Seal Boy''': Why, Croc? Why'd you turn on us like that? We could have helped you, we could have done something. :'''Killer Croc''': You said you can be yourself out here, remember? Well, I guess that's what I was doing - being myself. ===''A Bullet For Bullock'' [2.2]=== :'''Bullock''': Let's get something straight from the get-go. I think you're a freak and a menace, and those are your ''good'' points. But the commish says you serve a purpose, so I go along. :'''Batman''': I appreciate your honesty. What's the problem? :'''Bullock''': Somebody's got it in for me. Tried to give me a fender massage last night. It ain't the first time. Last week too. :'''Batman''': Any suspects? :'''Bullock''': So many, they could have their own zip code. I've put a lot of guys away, and they hate me for it. Looks like one of them hates me enough to do something about it. :'''Batman''': Why me? Why not just go to the department? :'''Bullock''': I step on a lot of toes. I don't want Internal Affairs looking at me too close. They might find some things I don't want found. :'''Batman''': Are you on the take? :'''Bullock''': Watch it, freak! I never took a dime from nobody! I just bend the rules a little sometimes, you understand. We're not all that different. :'''Batman''': We're on the same side, but we're ''not'' the same. I'll help you find out who's after you, but you've got to collar them clean. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': We ''are'' speaking of the same person, are we not? Harvey Bullock? The detective who looks like an unmade bed? :'''Batman''': The same. :'''Alfred''': He came to ''you'' for help? It must be serious. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Montoya''': Bullock? You okay? You don't look so good. I mean, you never look good, but today you look worse. :'''Bullock''': After fifteen years working in this cesspool, I'd like to see how good ''you'' look! <hr width="50%"/> :''[In the Batmobile]'' :'''Bullock''': Nice starship you got here. What's this for? ''[points towards a button]'' :'''Batman''': Passenger ejector seat. :''[Bullock withdraws nervously, while Batman smirks slightly]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bullock''': By the way, I still think you're a freak, but... thanks. ===''Trial'' [2.3]=== :'''Two-Face''': Basic fifty-fifty option. You get him off, you both go free. He goes down, you take the fall with him. :'''Mad Hatter''': Amusing idea, what? Kidnapping you to be Batman's attorney? :'''Two-Face''': Personally, I suggested a quick slug between the eyes... but I lost the coin toss. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarface''': Court is now in session! The Good People of Arkham Asylum vs. the Self-Righteous Vigilante Called Batman! Our prosecutor is ready, likewise our fair and impartial jury. :'''Mad Hatter''': Hang him! :'''Harley''': Shoot him! :'''Killer Croc''': Hit him with a rock! :'''Scarface''': And now, all rise for the most honorable, most benevolent, most merciful Judge Joker! :'''Joker''': GUILTY! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I was promised a chance to defend my client! :'''Joker''': Oh, very well. Like it'll make a difference. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I suppose that you, like your friends, claim that Batman ''drove'' you to be a criminal? :'''Mad Hatter''': He did. :'''Janet Van Dorn''': And yet, as I recall in your case, you brainwashed and kidnapped a woman who rejected you. :'''Mad Hatter''': Batman forced me to do it! He was going to take her away from me! I had no choice! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': You could have respected her wishes and left her alone. :'''Mad Hatter''': I'D HAVE KILLED HER FIRST! ''[gasps and covers his mouth, then turns to the Joker]'' I'd like that last statement stricken from the record, please. :'''Joker''': Record? Is someone supposed to be writing this down? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': And so it's Batman's fault you lead a life of crime? :'''Poison Ivy''': He should have let me bump off Harvey Dent. We'd all have been better off - wouldn't we, Harv? :'''Two-Face''': ''[muttering while flipping his coin]'' Why, you rotten little... :'''Janet Van Dorn''': But Miss Isley, isn't the real motivation for your crimes your obsession with plants? That you prefer them to people? :'''Poison Ivy''': I love plants, honey, but a rose is a rose. :'''Janet Van Dorn''': Then it doesn't bother you when someone, let's say the judge here, ''[plucks the flower from the Joker's robe]'' ruthlessly ''plucks'' a defenceless flower from the warm green earth? :'''Poison Ivy''': No! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': Even knowing he's given it his death sentence? That its petals must die? ''[starts pulling its petals out]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': Stop it...! :'''Poison Ivy''': One by one, withering, falling. One by one till it's all gone, ''honey.'' :''[She crushes the flower so that it crumbles apart. Ivy shrieks with rage and attacks her, and the Scarecrow and Mad Hatter rush in to restrain her]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Miss Ivy, please! :'''Scarface''': You look beautiful when you're angry. :''[Ivy smacks the Ventriloquist in the face, and Scarface laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I used to believe Batman was responsible for you people. But now I see nearly everyone here would have ended up exactly the same, Batman or not. Oh, the gimmicks might be different, but you'd all be out there in some form or another bringing misery to Gotham. The truth is, ''you'' created ''him.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Well done, counsellor. You've proven that Batman ''didn't'' create us - that we, in fact, messed up our own rotten lives! And as we are so rotten, vile and depraved... we're going to waste you anyway! :''[The inmates cheer and close in on Batman and Janet]'' :'''Joker''': [[w:Porky Pig|A-bi-a-bi-a-bi, that's all, folks!]] ''[bangs down a rubber chicken]'' Let's mambo! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I see now there's a need for the things you do. But I'm still going to work towards a city that doesn't need Batman. :'''Batman''': ''[smiling]'' Me too. ===''Avatar'' [2.4]=== :'''Lucius Fox''': Without a doubt, this will be one of the best museum exhibitions Gotham City has ever seen. You can be quite the humanitarian on occasion, Bruce. It's commendable. It's inspiring. :'''Bruce''': It's deductible. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce''': You've got a serious priority problem, Ra's. What can be in that tomb that's more valuable than the love of your daughter? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Power, detective. The power once held by almighty Thoth-Khepera, Queen of Two Continents. :'''Bruce''': You surprise me, Ra's. The world's oldest chauvinist chasing after a woman? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Thoth-Khepera was not simply a woman, detective, nor merely a ruler. Through her flowed the power of the gods. With no more than a gesture, she controlled the force of life and death, and with it, she kept a nation under her thumb for one thousand years. :'''Bruce''': You sound like a bad Saturday afternoon serial, Ra's. This is sheer nonsense. :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': No, detective - I know there is a power there to be tapped! My six hundred years of life are proof of that power. :''[Bruce and Talia are trapped in a glass booth]'' :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Farewell, detective. Farewell, Talia. It is said that one finds one's immortality in one's offspring. Alas, I know that to be a lie. ===''House and Garden'' [2.5]=== :'''Batman''': She's done nothing more incriminating than return an overdue video - even paid the late fee. :'''Alfred''': Could it be Ivy truly has reformed? :'''Batman''': I want to believe it. Why can't I? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You haven't changed a bit. :'''Poison Ivy''': Yes, I have. I meant it when I said I wanted a family that loves me. I just wanted it on my terms. :'''Robin''': Lady, you're nuts! :'''Poison Ivy''': Well, that's ''your'' opinion. Probably the last one you'll ever have, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': I'm just sorry she got away. :'''Batman''': Me too, Robin. But I don't think we'll see her again anytime soon. :''[The real Ivy is shown escaping on a plane out of Gotham, looking through a scrapbook]'' :'''Batman''': Ivy lost everything she had, everything she said she ever wanted. For what it's worth, I believed her when she told me that for the first time in her life... she was happy. :''[Ivy sheds tears as she looks at a photo of her wedding]'' ===''The Terrible Trio'' [2.6]=== :'''Warren''': Is this all you do for kicks, Bruce? Charity work? :'''Bruce''': Well, I do have a night life. Pull! ''[shoots down a clay pigeon]'' Besides, it's important to help others. It may sound corny, but hey, it's how I feel. :'''Warren''': You must recognize that you are a superior animal, Bruce. A member of the elite. Pull! ''[shoots down another clay pigeon]'' Take my Delta brothers and me. Why, we've run with the bulls! :'''Armand''': Shot game from hot air balloons! :'''Gunther''': Killed a great white! :'''Warren''': We've done it all. Ah, therein lies the problem. After all, what do the rajas do when there are no more tigers to hunt? :'''Bruce''': I'm sure you'll think of something, Warren. ''[leaves]'' :'''Warren''': Dollar for dollar, that has to be the dullest man in Gotham City. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Scoundrels like these are worse than the Joker. At least he's got madness as an excuse! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Let's go, Fox. You've raided your last chicken coop. :'''Warren''': Wait, wait a minute! We can make a deal! A million dollars to let me go! ''Ten'' million! Think about it. Buys a lot of Batarangs! :'''Batman''': ''[unimpressed]'' Your money's no good here. :'''Warren''': Okay, fine! Go ahead, take me in, hero! I've got every judge in town in my pocket! You'll see! I'll get justice! The best that money can buy! :''[Next, Warren is seen being ushered into a cell at Stonegate, where his burly new cellmate gives him a menacing look]'' ===''Harlequinade'' [2.7]=== :'''Harley''': ''[in handcuffs]'' I sense a lack of trust. :'''Robin''': Are you sure you don't need help keeping Zippy under control? :''[Harley picks the lock on her cuffs while Batman speaks]'' :'''Batman''': I'm fine. Besides, I need you to be ready if Gordon's men get any leads. I'll signal if there's trouble. :'''Robin''': You got it. :'''Harley''': I wanna listen to the radio! ''[reaches for the controls]'' :'''Batman''': DON'T--! :''[Harley Quinn deploys a parachute, causing the Batmobile to swerve wildly. When the Batmobile stops, Batman is furious]'' :'''Harley''': ''[timidly]'' Oops... :'''Batman''': Listen, and listen good. You don't touch anything, say anything, or DO ANYTHING UNLESS I TELL YOU! GOT IT?! :'''Harley''': Yes, sir. :'''Batman''': ''[turns away, Harley begins making faces at him]'' So far, Joker hasn't been seen in any of his old hideouts. I want you to show me the last place he used when he escaped. ''[catches her making a face, which she replaces with a sheepish grin]'' :'''Harley''': Okay! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Instead of taking you, the cops, and the Batman down separately? I'm gonna blast you all at once! ''[takes out his phone and speaks into it]'' Send down the plane, boys! We're blowing town! Literally. ''[gets off the phone]'' :'''Mayor''': But all those innocent people... :'''Joker''': Some joke on them, eh? Think of it as the ultimate punchline! Ha ha ha ha ha! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': It's lucky you were here, Quinn. The countdown sequence didn't leave Joker enough time to swing by Arkham and pick you up. :'''Joker''': Quiet, brat. :'''Harley''': You ''were'' gonna come for me, weren't you, Puddin'? :'''Joker''': Of course, pumpkin-pie! It's just that... well, here you are, so I can, err, save myself the trip! :'''Harley''': But what about all our friends, Ivy and Two-Face and... Hat-Guy and Lizard-Man and Puppet-Head and-- ''[Joker shoves her into the plane]'' :'''Joker''': What about them? :'''Batman''': Don't forget your little pets! :'''Harley''': ''[gasps]'' The babies! We can't leave the babies! :'''Joker''': ''[shoves Harley into the plane again]'' I'll buy you a goldfish! Let's go! :'''Harley''': ''[struggling]'' NO! :'''Joker''': Why, you little...! :''[Harley kicks him in the face]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley''': ''[points the gun against Joker]'' Freeze, clown! :'''Batman''': Quinn, stop! :'''Harley''': He's mine, Bats! :'''Joker''': ''[grinning]'' You wouldn't dare. You don't have the guts! Not in a million years would you-- :''[Harley pulls the trigger - and a flag that reads "Rat-Tat-Tat" comes out of the barrel. The Joker stares at her for a moment, and throws his arms wide to embrace her]'' :'''Joker''': Baby, you're the greatest! ===''Time Out Of Joint'' [2.8]=== :'''Mayor Hill''': You! How did you get past-- :'''The Clock King''': Good evening, Mayor! Nice to see you again too. And whose life are you ruining now? A poor pensioner? A malnourished orphan, perhaps? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Hill''': Please, Fugate, don't hurt me! :'''The Clock King''': If it's any comfort, my revenge will encompass more than just you. I intend to pass a most timely sentence on the entire judicial system. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': It's a shame that you've decided to keep this device a secret. :'''Dr. Wataki''': It would seem that the world is not quite ready for it yet. :'''Robin''': Gee, that's too bad for Fugate. I'm sure he'll wish he had something to make the days pass quicker where he's going. ===''Catwalk'' [2.9]=== :'''Scarface''': Calm down, pussycat. We're all friends here. ''[to the Ventriloquist]'' Dummy, don't keep our pretty guest in the dark. :'''Ventriloquist''': Yes, sir, Mr. Scarface. ''[turns on the lot, revealing him and Scarface]'' :'''Scarface''': Ah, that's better. :'''Selina Kyle''': ''[gasps]'' You gotta be kidding! ''[laughs]'' :'''Scarface''': What's she laughin' at? My fly ain't open, is it?! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, sir. :'''Scarface''': So what's the gag? :'''Selina Kyle''': Oh come on, you know! ''[in a goofy voice]'' "What's the gag?" :'''Scarface''': ''[aims his gun at Selina]'' Can it, sister! This is Scarface you're dealing with, and I don't stand for no disrespect. :'''Ventriloquist''': I'd do as he says, ma'am. Mr. Scarface can be quite insistent. :'''Scarface''': I don't think anyone's talking to you! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, sir. No, sir. :'''Selina Kyle''': Right... so, what do you want with me? :'''Scarface''': My boys happened to be in the museum when they saw your little set-to with Miss Ronnie V. They also seen you licking your whiskers at the sight of Ronnie's pretty sparklers. :'''Selina Kyle''': You're boring me, log. :''[the Ventrloquist pulls out an envelope from his coat]'' :'''Scarface''': So what if I could provide you with a foolproof plan to snatchin' those rocks with no risk of you gettin' caught? :'''Selina Kyle''': Pass. Kitty's been staying it at night. It's not the greatest, but it beats the pound, if you know what I mean. :'''Scarface''': Now, that's a darn shame. And I thought for sure you'd want a chance to get even with the Vreelands. Not just for yourself, ya understand, but for all those poor little stuffed critters what never had the chance to fight back. :'''Selina Kyle''': Oh, barf. :'''Scarface''': It's a 50/50 cut. Take it or leave it? You in or what? :''[Selina thinks about it for a while then picks up the envelope]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': What a pleasant surprise. Though I should warn you - breaking and entering is against the law. :'''Batman''': You would know. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarface''': [[w:Tweety|I thawt I thaw a putty tat!]] <hr width="50%"/> :''[Catwoman crushes Scarface under some logs]'' :'''Catwoman''': That's one way to remove a splinter. What's wrong, Ventriloquist? Cat got your tongue? :'''Ventriloquist''': Please, I never hurt you! Scarface, he's another person, not me, really! :'''Catwoman''': But he's inside you somewhere. And I'm going to keep scratching until I find him. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': [[w:Just So Stories|I am the cat who walks by herself.]] ===''Bane'' [2.10]=== :'''Thorne''': You almost didn't get paid. You're lucky these diamonds didn't get nabbed in the smuggling bust. :'''[[w:Bane (comics)|Bane]]''': No, Mr. Thorne. You are the lucky one. ''[He punches the punching bag across the room]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': He wrecked my car, Alfred. Between two guys, that's ''real'' personal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bane''': Toys. You try to fight me with pathetic little TOYS. You've got nothing! Beg for mercy! SCREAM MY NAME! :'''Batman''': Never. :'''Bane''': You are beaten! Now I will break you! ===''Baby-Doll'' [2.11]=== :'''Robin''': ''[on "Love That Baby"]'' I remember this show from when I was a kid. It still stinks. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At Wayne Manor, Summer Gleeson is on the telephone talking to Marv Wolfman at her office.]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': I don't care what Mayor Hill says. The people have a right to know, and if he won't talk to us-- ''[Batman drops a photo of Baby-Doll onto her desk]'' I'll call you back, Marv. ''[to Batman and Robin]'' Since when are you interested in has-been actors? :'''Batman''': Since that one's been kidnapping her co-stars. :'''Summer Gleeson''': You're serious? :'''Robin''': She's been picking them off, one by one. Any reason she'd have a grudge? :'''Summer Gleeson''': Actually, ''they'' should hate ''her.'' Dahl put them all out of work when she quit the series to become a "dramatic" actress. :''[Summer plays a video of Mary Dahl playing Lady Macbeth]'' :'''Mary Dahl''': What, will these hands never be clean? Here's the smell of the blood still. All the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand. :'''Robin''': Pee-yew! :'''Summer Gleeson''': That's what the critics said. Baby's dramatic career flopped, and when she tried to start her TV show again, the networks turned her down. :'''Batman''': That still doesn't explain why she's after her old cast. :'''Robin''': ''[picks up a cassette]'' Maybe there's a clue in these old episodes. :'''Summer Gleeson''': You can borrow them if you want. And when you crack the case, you can pay me back with an exclusive... ''[turns to see that they have gone]'' interview. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': Naughty, naughty, Daddys! Mustn't yell at your Baby like thats. :'''Tod Baker''': You're not my daughter, and we're not a family! We're actors, remember?! You cancelled our show because you whined you weren't getting enough attention! :'''Baby-Doll''': ''[putting on a sad face]'' But I knows now I made a boo-boo! ''[sniffles and breaks character]'' It was hard for me out there. I studied and trained and auditioned, but no one wanted me. ''[plays the sound of a crowd going "Aww..." on her tape recorder]'' Over the years, I remembered how happy I was with all of you around me, and the folks at home watching me each week. Me, ''[goes back into her "cute" voice]'' Baby-Doll! ''[giggles]'' Now I'm Baby for good, and everyone will love me agains! Hugs, hugs! :''[Her goons force the actors to share a hug with her, and she plays the "Aww..." again]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': ''[watching episodes of Baby Doll's old TV show]'' Remember that time Poison Ivy nearly smothered us in those vines, with the ''really'' sharp thorns? :'''Batman''': Yes. :'''Robin''': This is worse. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': ''[after her TV brother is rendered unconscious by her bodyguard]'' Sorry I had to play roughs, Tippy. I didn't mean to. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': ''[Mariam kicks Robin around]'' Wow, lady! You're good! :'''Mariam''': It's a living... <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman pursues Baby-Doll in a funhouse tunnel maze]'' :'''Baby-Doll''': Silly Mr. Batman can't catch me! :'''Batman''': Don't run away! I know you're scared, confused - I can help you! :'''Baby-Doll''': Liar, liar, cape on fire! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': Game's over, Mr. Batman! ''[laughs]'' I WIN! ''[Batman fires his grappling gun, knocking the doll-gun down a slide]'' No fair! ''[runs to retrieve it, and stumbles into a room full of fun-house mirrors. Picks up the gun, wandering through the various distorted reflections, until she comes to one that shows her as an adult]'' Look! That's me in there. The ''real'' me! There I am... ''[touches the reflection, and her face changes]'' ...But it's not ''really'' real, is it? Just... made up and pretend, like my family and my life and everything else! ''[turns to face Batman, who stands behind her]'' '''''WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST LET ME MAKE-BELIEVE?!''''' ''[fires at mirrors, and cries after breaking the mirror with her adult reflection. Batman approaches her]'' I didn't ''mean'' to... ===''The Lion And The Unicorn'' [2.12]=== :''[Alfred breaks a chair over a thug's head.]'' :'''Robin''': And here all I thought you dusted was furniture. :'''Alfred''': A [[w:Louis XV|Louis Quinze]]; what a pity. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred Pennyworth''': ''[after being drugged with a truth serum]'' You'll get nothing but gibberish out of me, madam. I come from haunts of cootenfern and knicker sudden Sally. Uh... dee-dum dee-dum dee-dum dee-dum, and bicker down the valley. :'''Red Claw''': And people wonder why no one takes Britain seriously anymore. ===''Showdown'' [2.13]=== :'''Sheriff''': Well, well. Jonah Hex, his own bad self. Been here five minutes and you ain't killed nobody nor set nothin' on fire. Slippin', ain't you? :'''[[w:Jonah Hex|Jonah Hex]]''': I'm still a little bushed. :'''Sheriff''': Fact is, you look a little past it, Hex. Not tired, just all used up. :'''Hex''': Well, when I get pushed, I can still shoot a fly out from between its wings. Provided the light's right, of course... and it's a big ''plump'' fly. :''[The sheriff glances down at his own portly figure. Two other bargoers retreat outside, sensing trouble.]'' :'''Sheriff''': I ain't got nothin' on you, Hex... yet. Just remember, them wanted posters say "dead or alive". You might try "alive" this time. :'''Hex''': First time for everything. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duvall''': It would appear we have ourselves a government spy. A rather disreputable-looking one at that. Well, Mr. Spy, I'd say your plan has failed, and the railroad is doomed. :'''Hex''': I ain't no spy! I'm Jonah Hex, and I don't give a tinker's cuss about no railroad. I've come to get ''you'', Arkady Duvall, on account of what you done to that girl back east. :'''Duvall''': ''[chuckles]'' You mean to say, you've tracked me across ''twelve states'' because of that? :'''Hex''': Well, there's also the matter of a 200 dollar reward. That part don't hurt my feelings none. :'''Duvall''': You're either a liar or a fool. :'''Hex''': I've been known to be foolish, but ain't ''nobody'' calls me a liar and goes to bed happy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hex''': Now! Let's you and me dance. :'''Duvall''': You cannot defeat me. I am a Heidelberg fencing champion. :'''Hex''': My heart's all a-flutter. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duvall''': Five thousand in gold, take it. Leave me be. :'''Hex''': It ain't about money, boy. It's about justice. And I aim to serve you some. :'''Duvall''': Let me live, please! :'''Hex''': I will. Only because it's too much trouble to haul your stinkin' carcass back east. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You left Duvall to his fate a century ago. Why come back for him now? :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Did you really think, detective, that in my six hundred years of life, I would have sired only ''one'' offspring? Even before the Phoenix debacle, I had come to realize that Arkady was too unbalanced and cruel to wisely rule my empire. :'''Batman''': But you couldn't forget about him. :'''Ra's al Ghul''': What father can ever forget his son? Come now, detective, I've still a few good years left. We will cross swords another day. But for now, let me take my boy home. ===''Riddler's Reform'' [2.14]=== :''[After learning about the theft of historical antiquities on TV]'' :'''Riddler''': ''[in Bruce's memory]'' Those are things of the past, Batman. Ancient history that's gone now. I'm a new man! But you probably won't figure that out before it's too late! ''[laughs]'' :'''Bruce''': ''He'' did it. :'''Dick''': Who? :'''Bruce''': The Riddler. Remember what he said: "Things of the past." "Ancient history that's gone now." Look! :'''Dick''': Gee, I don't know. His riddles aren't usually that subtle. Besides, he's got a multimillion dollar deal with that toy company. Why would he throw it away over some stupid riddle crime? :'''Bruce''': Because that's the way his warped mind works. He's obsessed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': He's right, you know. :'''Manny''': Who? :'''Riddler''': Batman. He ''is'' going to catch me, sooner or later. :'''Manny''': Gee, boss, you're scaring me. You're talking kinda crazy. :'''Riddler''': DON'T YOU ''EVER'' CALL ME THAT! I fooled the police, the doctors, the Parole Board - all of them! There's only one person who's ever been able to challenge me: ''BATMAN!'' He's the only one worthy of the game! :'''Manny''': But you said sooner or later he's gonna catch you. What are you gonna do? :'''Riddler''': I'm never going back to Arkham! So I guess there's only one thing to do! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': Hello, Batman. This is it: the end of the game. I'm a little sad actually. You were a worthy opponent. But then, I told you I'd make a ''killing'' at the Toy Fair! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': ''[ranting in a cell in Arkham]'' It's IMPOSSIBLE, I tell you! Impossible! My trap was perfect! How did he do it?! I have to know! SOMEBODY TELL ME! IT'S NOT FAIR! THERE WAS NO WAY, I TELL YOU! NO WAY HE COULD HAVE GOTTEN OUT! SOMEBODY TELL ME! DO YOU HEAR ME?! SOMEBODY TELL ME HOW HE DID IT! I HAVE TO KNOW! '''''I HAVE TO KNOOOOOOOOOW!!!''''' ===''Second Chance'' [2.15]=== :'''Penguin''': And what might ''you'' be doing out there? Catching insects for dinner? :'''Batman''': I'm looking for Two-Face. :'''Penguin''': What, did you lose him? ''[chuckles]'' :'''Batman''': Somebody kidnapped him from Gotham Central tonight. You and he had a disagreement sometime ago, didn't you? :'''Penguin''': It's true. Harvey stole a rare ''avis'' right out from under my beak several months ago. A jewel-encrusted statuette of a two-headed [[w:roc (mythology)|roc]]. It was worth millions. But, my dear rodent, I'd never kidnap a fellow rogue out of his sickbed. It just isn't done. :'''Batman''': Honour among thieves? :'''Penguin''': Absolutely. If I were going to attack Harvey, I'd do it face to face... to face, heh, so to speak. Like THIS! ''[laughs and unleashes his birds on Batman]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You may as well come out. I know everything now. :''[A man emerges, his identity obscured by shadows]'' :'''Batman''': You hated Harvey Dent, and would do anything to destroy him. :''[Lightning flashes, revealing the man to be Two-Face himself]'' :'''Two-Face''': Why not? He was going to destroy me. Just like I'm going to destroy you! ''[attacks him]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Harvey, pull yourself up! :'''Harvey''': I can't! I'll drop the coin! :'''Batman''': Drop it! Save yourself! :'''Harvey''': I... I don't know what to do. The coin won't tell me! :'''Batman''': It can't tell you anything! I switched coins when you grabbed me! :'''Robin''': ''[swings and kicks the thugs out of Batman's way]'' Good thing I decided to tag along after all. :'''Batman''': It's a trick coin! It'll always land on edge! It's ''your'' decision now, Harvey! Life or death? The coin or me? :''[Robin threw the batarang to hit the elevator button to send the thug in an elevator, thunderstruck and Harvey/Two-Face decided to drops the coin]'' :'''Harvey''': Batman, help me. :''[Batman tries to give Harvey a hand, but Two-Face suddenly regains control]'' :'''Two-Face''': Never! ''[punches Batman and falls]'' :'''Batman''': ''HARVEY!!!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harvey''': ''[seen in half-shadow, making him appear to once again be Harvey Dent instead of Two-Face]'' Bruce? Good old Bruce. Always there. You never give up on me. :''[Bruce Wayne smiles and pats Harvey's shoulder before he is escorted away]'' :'''Dick''': He's right. You're always there for him. :'''Bruce''': Yes, just like you're always there for me. :'''Dick''': Hey, what are friends for? ===''Harley's Holiday'' [2.16]=== :'''Scarecrow''': I am the Master of Fear! The Lord of Despair! Cower before me in witless terror! :'''Harley''': Hi, Professor Crane! :'''Scarecrow''': ''[Smiling fondly]'' Good evening, child. ''[To Batman and Robin, furiously]'' Worship me, you fools! Worship me! Scream hosannas of anguish to Scarecrow, the all-terrible God of Fear! ''[Guards take him away]'' :'''Robin''': I think he's getting better. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley''': I'm having a BAD DAY! I'm sick of people trying to shoot me, run me over and blow me up! I didn't even get to keep my new dress - I ACTUALLY PAID FOR IT! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman and Robin take Harley back to Arkham]'' :'''Harley''': ''[sadly]'' [[w:To market, to market|Home again, home again, diggity dig...]] :'''Dr. Joan Leland''': Not for too long, though. Ms. Vreeland dropped the kidnapping charges. With a little more hard work, you should be ready to re-enter society for good. :'''Harley''': Yay... ''[to Batman]'' There's one thing I've gotta know. Why'd you stay with me all day, risking your butt for someone who's never given you anything but trouble? :'''Batman''': I know what it's like to try and rebuild a life. ''[takes her dress out of a bag]'' I had a bad day too, once. :'''Harley''': ''[takes the dress, smiling]'' Nice guys like you shouldn't have bad days. ===''Lock-Up'' [2.17]=== :'''Scarecrow''': Don't take me back there, please! Look at me, Batman! I'm shaking with fear! Me! The Scarecrow! I wasn't even going back to crime this time! I just had to get away from... HIM! :'''[[w:Lock-Up (comics)|Lyle Bolton]]''': I'll take it from here, Batman. Lyle Bolton, Chief of security. Congratulations, Professor Crane. You're the first inmate to escape Arkham under my charge. ''[He grabs Crane by the collar; Crane whimpers]'' You're also the last. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bartholomew''': Miss Quinn? Do you have any complaints against Mr. Bolton? :''[Lyle Bolton sneers threateningly at Harley Quinn]'': :'''Harley Quinn''': I got nothing to say. :'''Bartholomew''': But surely you must have something you wish to- :'''Harley Quinn''': You got a hearing problem or something?! NO! NADA! IXNAY! ZERO! ZILCH! BUPKES! NOTHING! OKAY?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': He threatens us! Takes away our privileges, even when we're good! :'''[[w:Lock-Up (comics)|Lyle Bolton]]''': We've heard enough of this nonsense. :'''Jonathon Crane''': He says scum like us must be kept in line! That's why he chains us down at night and electrifies our doors! :'''Scarface''': He held me over a can filled with a termites! Ya hear me?! ''TERMITES!'' :'''Harley Quinn''': He's an animal! :'''Ventriloquist''': A monster! :'''Jonathon Crane''': Keep him away! :'''Lyle Bolton''': '''SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU!''' :''[The guards retrain Lyle Bolton, he kicks the table, resists the guards and attack and them; he threatens to kill the inmates, and Bruce Wayne trips him with the chair]'' :'''Lyle Bolton''': You're all scum! You should be beaten within an inch of your misbegotten lives! :'''Bartholomew''': I've seen enough! ''[pounds the gravel]'' Lyle Bolton, you're dismissed! :'''Lyle Bolton''': Before I came here, Arkham was a revolving door for every maniac in Gotham. ''I'' kept them in! '''ME!''' Now I realize I was wrong to punish those pathetic miscreants! '''THEY'RE ONLY SYMPTOMS! ''YOU'RE'' THE CAUSE! THE GUTLESS POLICE, MINDLESS BUREAUCRATS, AND CODDLING DOCTORS! YOU SHOULD ALL BE LOCKED UP IN A CAGE WITHOUT A KEY!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lock Up''': I could have rid Gotham of the fools in city hall and the police department! We could have made our own order! :'''Batman''': I was born to fight your brand of order! :'''Lock Up''': If that's your decision...! ===''Make 'Em Laugh'' [2.18]=== :'''Dispatcher''': Disturbance reported at the top of the Crown restaurant. Suspect is a male costumed extremist armed with what appears to be a... ketchup gun. :'''Batman''': It's going to be one of those nights. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Condiment King''': So long, suckers! Parting is such "sweet-and-sour" sorrow. ''[Batman yanks away his loot bag]'' What's this? Ah! The big bad Bat-guy. I knew you'd "ketchup" to me sooner or later. How I've "relished" this meeting. You, the dynamic Dark Knight, versus me, the conceptual Condiment King! Come, Batman. Let's see if you can "cut the mustard". :'''Batman''': Quiet! ''[punches the King in the stomach]'' :'''Condiment King''': ''[slumps to ground, gasping]'' You hit me! :'''Batman''': Now listen, Mustard Man, or whatever you call yourself. You're obviously new at this, so I'm willing to go easy on you, provided you give back the loot and never even think about doing this again. Deal? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Buddy's agent''': I don't get it. Buddy's just thrown his entire career away. The network's cancelling his show and the restaurant's suing him for a million dollars. Why did he do it? It just doesn't make sense. ===''Deep Freeze'' [2.19]=== :'''Batman''': Men like Walker are obsessed with getting their own way. And they don't let little things like the ''law'' stop them. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grant Walker''': Do you realize that in your half-frozen state, you will age more slowly than an ordinary human? You're practically immortal, my friend! :'''Mr. Freeze''': Yes, eternal life trapped in this wretched shell! What a miserable joke. :'''Grant Walker''': Miserable to you, but a godsend to me. Look at me, Mr. Freeze, I'm an old man. I've created wonders in my lifetime, but there is still so much to do! I want to change as you have. To become, like you, a being of blessed, eternal cold. :'''Mr. Freeze''': You're insane. :'''Grant Walker''': Only you know how to duplicate the accident that made you what you are. What I long to become! :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[grabs him]'' You want to live like this? Abandoned and alone? A prisoner in a world you can see but never touch? ''[drops him and turns away]'' Old and infirm as you are, I'd trade a thousand of my frozen years for your worst day. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grant Walker''': Every time I open a park, I get gatecrashers. :'''Batman''': We've seen your insane vision of the future, Walker. :'''Grant Walker''': My world will have no crime, violence or pain. :'''Robin''': You can add free will to that list too! :'''Grant Walker''': A small price to pay for order. :'''Batman''': ''Your'' order! For your select few! :'''Grant Walker''': Excuse me, but I fail to see the problem with that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You can't let Walker do this. Billions of people will perish! :'''Mr. Freeze''': That's not my concern. All that matters is I once again have my wife, and the means to restore her. :'''Batman''': She'll wake up in a dead, frozen world that ''you'' helped destroy. She'll ''hate'' you for that! :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''Silence.'' :'''Batman''': You think you're alone now? Wait until she learns the truth. :'''Mr. Freeze''': '''I SAID ''SILENCE!''''' ''[blasts at Batman and Robin, knocking them backward, then turns back to Nora with a saddened face]'' Forgive me... ''[frees Batman and Robin]'' Come, there is much to do. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Dick recovers from hypothermia]'' :'''Dick''': Man, if I spent any more time in that immersion tank, I'd be growing gills. :'''Bruce''': I'm just glad I was able to get you back here in time. :'''Dick''': Thanks. For a while I thought I'd end up like Walker, trapped in a ice cube forever. What about Mr. Freeze? Do you think he's gone for good? :'''Bruce''': I'm not sure. But if Freeze's condition has made him truly immortal... we may not have seen the last of him. ===''Batgirl Returns'' [2.20]=== :'''Catwoman''': Bats are just mice with wings, little girl. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Batgirl|Batgirl]]''': So, what are you going to do? Leave us over one of these vats with acid burning through the rope? :'''Daggett''': ''[Laughs]'' If there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's that you crime-fighting types are very resourceful. So, I'll just have my men shoot you and throw your bodies in the vats. == About ''{{PAGENAME}}'' == *'''PD''': If I had to differentiate between [Batman and Superman], I'd say Superman is sort of about hope. You've got this guy who's an alien and not truly human, but he personifies all the best qualities of humanity. He's sort of an example of what it would be nice to be like. We would all like to be like Superman. We would all like to have power, compassion, the ability to settle problems in a good way, and maybe [be able to] wink to ourselves about how nobody else besides us knows we really have this secret power and we keep it ourselves. There's not a lot of angst with Superman. If there is, it's more like, "I wish I could tell Lois who I really was." Batman is how you'd like to be if you [could] break someone's neck: "I'm pissed off, and I want to go out and do something about it." Superman waits for trouble to happen, and then he goes off and stops the problem. Batman's looking for trouble; he doesn't really start it, but he's out there looking. And if he sees something going on, he just jumps into the middle of it. :'''JA''': Batman's sort of a sociopath too. :'''PD''': He's absolutely a sociopath. He's a sociopath with a lot of money, and he's got a sense of right and wrong. I don't think he's totally bereft of some sort of compassion or feeling for some of the villains. He doesn't go after somebody like Mr. Freeze without a small bit of compassion for the man, or maybe someone like the Mad Hatter, or even Harley, whom he thinks is certainly a pain in the ass, but I think he kind of wishes she'd get her act together and wise up at some point. <br> But with darker characters like the Scarecrow and the Joker, he's basically out to make sure they never get out again - whatever it takes to take them down. Somebody like the Joker is probably the least human of all of Batman's Rogues Gallery. That was why I never wanted to do a story that humanizes the Joker, like we did with the Mad Hatter or Mr. Freeze, because I just don't think the character lends itself to that. He's almost supernatural in a way; he's somebody who's just thoroughly insane, who does what he wants to do, and who has a grudge against Batman. He probably likes horrifying people with his clownish appearance as much as Batman terrorizes criminals with his nightmare-like appearance. The Joker is pretty inhuman. I'd say the same thing about the Scarecrow. He is someone who really gets turned on by scaring people. He's like the anti-Batman. He's a weak, very unimposing man until he puts on the Scarecrow costume, and then goes out and gasses people with fear gas, and he watches them squirm. There's probably a big turn-on seeing people helpless in front of him screaming in fear. *'''PD''': When [[w:Tim Burton|Tim Burton]]'s ''[[Batman (1989 film)|Batman]]'' came out, that was the way to go. Now [[w:Joel Schumacher|Joel Schumacher]]'s [[Batman Forever|Batman]] is out there, and people are flocking to the movies, so they"re saying, "Can you lighten up the show a little bit? Can you have more fun with it?" So that's what we were charged with doing, and that's what we've done: to lighten up the color palette a little bit, so that every character's not just in dark colors. Robin, for instance, is now black, red, and gold, instead of green. Nightwing is black and a light, almost iridescent, blue. We've also given it a little more of a kid-friendly look. :* [[w:Paul Dini|Paul Dini]], [http://animationarena.com/batman_the_animated_series.html "Batman: The Animated Series"], ''Animation Arena''. * The thing with the Batman show—even though it's one of the most beautiful and well-written shows, and it really gets into Batman—is that it doesn't really move that fast. The fight scenes aren't that intense, and it doesn't really go actiony. There's a lot of walking and talking in it. It looks great, but it needs that kick of having action. And I think that's another thing that kids are picking up on: For the first time, you're actually seeing superheroes really fight bad guys. In a lot of the cartoons when I was growing up, like [[w:Super Friends|Super Friends]], there was no fighting of bad guys. They would just get sent off to jail. It was wacky, it was silly, it wasn't intense, and there wasn't real fighting and stuff in it. ** [[w:Craig McCracken|Craig McCracken]] [http://www.avclub.com/article/the-powerpuff-girls-13665 "The Powerpuff Girls"], Keith Phipps, ''A.V.Club'', Jun 21, 2000. == Cast == * [[Kevin Conroy]] - [[w:Batman|Bruce Wayne/Batman]] * [[w:Loren Lester|Loren Lester]] - [[w:Dick Grayson|Dick Grayson/Robin]] * [[w:Melissa Gilbert|Melissa Gilbert]] - [[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara Gordon/Batgirl]] * [[w:Clive Revill|Clive Revill]]/[[w:Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.|Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.]] - [[w:Alfred Pennyworth|Alfred Pennyworth]] * [[w:Bob Hastings|Bob Hastings]] - [[w:James Gordon (comics)|Commissioner James Gordon]] * [[w:Robert Costanzo|Robert Costanzo]] - [[w:Harvey Bullock (comics)|Detective Harvey Bullock]] * [[w:Ingrid Oliu|Ingrid Oliu]]/Liane Schirmer - [[w:Renee Montoya|Officer Renee Montoya]] * [[Mark Hamill]] - [[w:The Joker (comics)|The Joker]] * [[w:Arleen Sorkin|Arleen Sorkin]] - [[w:Harley Quinn|Dr. Harleen Quinzel/Harley Quinn]] * [[Paul Williams (songwriter)|Paul Williams]] - [[w:Penguin (comics)|Oswald Cobblepot/The Penguin]] * [[Adrienne Barbeau]] - [[w:Catwoman|Selina Kyle/Catwoman]] * [[w:John Glover (actor)|John Glover]] - [[w:Riddler|Edward Nygma/The Riddler]] * [[w:Richard Moll|Richard Moll]] - [[w:Two-Face (comics)|Harvey Dent/Two-Face]] * [[w:George Dzundza|George Dzundza]] - [[w:The Ventriloquist (comics)|Arnold Wesker/The Ventriloquist/Scarface]] * [[w:Henry Silva|Henry Silva]] - [[w:Bane (comics)|Bane]] * [[w:Aron Kincaid|Aron Kincaid]] - [[w:Killer Croc|Killer Croc]] * [[w:Marc Singer|Marc Singer]] - [[w:Man-Bat|Dr. Kirk Langstrom/Man-Bat]] * [[w:Ron Perlman|Ron Perlman]] - [[w:Clayface|Matt Hagen/Clayface]] * [[w:Diane Pershing|Diane Pershing]] - [[w:Poison Ivy (comics)|Dr. Pamela Isley/Poison Ivy]] * [[w:Henry Polic II|Henry Polic II]] - [[w:Scarecrow (DC comics)|Dr. Jonathan Crane/The Scarecrow]] * [[w:Roddy McDowall|Roddy McDowall]] - [[w:Mad Hatter|Dr. Jervis Tetch/The Mad Hatter]] * [[w:Michael Ansara|Michael Ansara]] - [[w:Mr. Freeze|Dr. Victor Freeze/Mr. Freeze]] * [[David Warner (actor)|David Warner]] - [[w:Ra's al Ghul|Ra's al Ghul]] ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} {{Batman}} [[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated superhero TV shows]] [[Category:Animated Batman TV shows]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Animated television programs based on Detective Comics]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Fox Broadcasting Company animated television series]] [[Category:Television series by Warner Bros. Animation]] g88q19eh3lkzw2ik9ir4yve6klsvdzv 3778897 3778896 2025-07-14T22:09:48Z 2A00:23C7:8583:8901:5157:8FC5:8DBF:8C56 /* Nothing To Fear [1.3] */ 3778897 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Batman-_The_Animated_Series_logo.svg|thumb|I am [[vengeance]]. I am the [[night]]. I am, '''[[Batman|BATMAN]]'''!]] {{italic title}} '''''[[W:Batman: The Animated Series|Batman: The Animated Series]]''''' is an American animated superhero television series based on the [[DC Comics]] superhero Batman. It was succeeded by ''[[The Adventures of Batman & Robin]]'' and ''[[The New Batman Adventures]]''; the first production in the [[w:DC Animated Universe|DC Animated Universe]]. ==Season 1== ===''On Leather Wings'' [1.1]=== :'''[[w:Rene Auberjonois|Dr. March]]''': You donate a few million, and you think you own the place. I understand I'm to analyse something for you? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Yeah, doc. See, I keep hearing squeaks in my chimney, and I found these in my empty fireplace. They look like hairs. I thought maybe you could tell me if I have a bat problem. :'''Dr. March''': And what if they are bats, Mr. Wayne? What then? Destroy them like insects? We won't survive the next evolutionary cataclysm, but bats will! They're survivors, Mr. Wayne, not pests! You should understand that! <hr width='50%'/> :'''Dr. Kirk Langstrom''': ''[enters laboratory upon hearing noises]'' Who's back there? ''[Spots Batman]'' You...! :'''Batman''': I'm looking for Dr. March. :'''Langstrom''' He's not here, Batman. :'''Batman''': Where is he? :'''Langstrom''': Giving a lecture on human extinction and bat evolution. He's really quite brilliant. :'''Batman''': He's misguided, and a thief. ''[holds up a vial of the serum]'' :'''Langstrom''': He's just a theorist, he was afraid to put it to the test. But I wasn't. I knew he'd discovered a formula to create a totally new species, neither man nor bat. And once I started taking it, I couldn't stop. I desperately wanted to, but... ''it'' took over. Francine and March tried to protect me, but it was too late. The beast knew what chemicals were needed to bring itself about! It was out of my control! And it only needs one more component to complete the process! ''[voice lowering]'' It's in ''ME'', Batman! ''[laughs maniacally and begins to change into Man-Bat]'' ===''Christmas With The Joker'' [1.2]=== :''[the Arkham Asylum inmates practice signing Jingle Bells as other inmates set up a giant Christmas tree]'' :'''Joker''': Jingle bells! Batman smells! Robin laid an egg! ''[gets a tree-topper and climbs to install it]'' The Batmobile lost a wheel and the Jo-ker got a-wa-a-a-ay! ''[attaches the ornament and the Christmas Tree ignites, revealed as a rocket. Joker clambers at it launches]'' Crashing through the roof! In a one-horse-open tree! Busting out I go! Laughing all the WHEEEEE! ''[the "rocket-tree" flies off into the distance as he sings]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the Christmas with the Joker show]'' :'''Joker''': Rumor has it, Christmas is a time to share with family. :'''Laugh track''': Yea! :'''Joker''': And since I don't have one of my own... :'''Laugh track''': Aww... :'''Joker''': I decided to STEAL one! :'''Laugh track''': Yea! :'''Joker''': And here they are: The Awful Lawful Family! ''[lights turn on and reveal Gordon, Summer, and Bullock tied up and gagged]'' Aren't they just the cutest family you've ever seen? :'''Batman''': ''[watching in the Batmobile]'' It's never easy with the Joker. :'''Joker''': Meet Daddy Lawful! ''[ungags Gordon]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': You diseased maniac! I'll- ''[Joker gags him again]'' :'''Joker''': Hmm. Looks like I'll have to teach Daddy some manners. And here's Mommy Lawful! ''[ungags Summer]'' :'''Summer Gleason''': Help! Somebody please help us- ''[Joker gags her again]'' :'''Joker''': Ho ho ho, isn't she jolly? And here we have little Baby Lawful! Coochie coochie coo! ''[ungags Bullock]'' :'''Detective Bullock''': When I get my hands on you, I'll rip your- ''[Joker gags him again]'' :'''Joker''': I'll bet Batman wishes he had a family just like mine. Personally I think relatives are a bore, so Batman can have them... ''[points to clock showing 10:30PM] if'' he can find them by midnight! Otherwise... ''[makes a throat-slashing motion and laughs]'' ===''Nothing To Fear'' [1.3]=== :''[Bruce is introduced to Dr. Long and he offers a handshake]'' :'''Dr. Long''': ''[looks at hand and pouts off]'' Your father and I attended university together. He had big plans for you. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Well, I guess he'd be pleased. Wayne Industries is more prosperous than ever. :'''Dr. Long''': Pleased? When your father was alive, Wayne was a name that commanded great respect. Now all Wayne stands for is a self-centered jet-setting playboy. It's lucky your father didn't live to see what you've done to his good name. He'd have died of shame. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Scarecrow sprays a security guard with gas]'' :'''Guard''': Stop! What the-- No! No, spiders! Get them offa me! No! NO! ''[cowers in fear]'' :'''Anthony''': What did you do to him, boss? :'''[[w:Scarecrow (DC Comics)|Scarecrow]]''': I merely helped him visualize his innermost terror, which is obviously [[w:arachnophobia|arachnophobia]]. :'''Nigel''': A-whack-a-what? :'''Scarecrow''': Arachnophobia! Fear of spiders, you dimwitted dropout! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': It seems I have underestimated the Batman, but at least the University is finished. :'''Anthony''': Gee, boss, I never liked school, but, uh, how come you hate the university so much? :'''Scarecrow''': They tried to destroy me. :'''Nigel''': You mean they kicked you out 'cause you weren't smart enough? :'''Scarecrow''': No, you simpleton! ''[pinches Nigel's broken nose]'' :'''Nigel''': Ow! :'''Scarecrow''': I taught there. I was a professor of psychology, specializing in phobias. Inducing terror has always intrigued me. Even as a boy, I loved to frighten things. People, animals, it was all the same. I became obsessed with fear's crippling power. Later, when I became their leading Professor of Subliminal Psychology at the University, I began performing experiments on fear and its subsequent effects. Dr. Long thought I went too far - he called me a lunatic. So now, they will learn the true nature of horror! :'''Anthony''': ''[to Nigel]'' Wow, he's a real professor. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman has been exposed to Scarecrow's fear toxin]'' :'''Thomas Wayne''': Bruce... :'''Batman''': No... not now... :'''Thomas Wayne''': You are a disgrace! ''[turns into the [[w:Grim Reaper|Grim Reaper]]]'' :'''Batman''': No... You are NOT my father. I am NOT a disgrace! I am vengeance, I am the night. I...AM...'''BATMAN!''' ===''The Last Laugh'' [1.4]=== :'''Summer Gleeson''': I'm here in Downtown Gotham where corporate CEOs have gone stark, raving mad. It would appear that the collapse of the stock market is now imminent. The question is: Will [[April Fools' Day]] mark the end of Gotham City as we know it? :'''Joker''': The only things gaining now are the laughing stocks! ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[After trapping Batman in a sealed garbage can]'' :'''Joker''': I just love these new Ziploc seals! We wouldn't want our little caged rodent to suffocate, so we'll just ''[draws a knife]'' PUNCH SOME AIRHOLES! ''[laughing, he stabs holes in the can, with Batman being forced to dodge each one]'' Okay, Captain! Give 'er the old heave-ho! ''[Captain Clown salutes and throws the can into the river, where it starts to flood and sink]'' Oops! Looks like our airholes are waterholes too! ''[smirking at the viewer]'' What a shame! ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Justice is served hot, Batman! You're going to melt just like a grilled-cheese sandwich! :''[The Joker tries to send Batman falling into the furnace with a cascade of garbage, but Batman escapes and swings to safety on his grappling hook]'' :'''Batman''': Justice ''will'' be served, Joker. :'''Joker''': Service with a SMILE?! ''[tosses a razor card at Batman, who dodges it just in time]'' :'''Batman''': Clean up your act, Joker. :'''Joker''': Oh, that's a joke, right? Batman finally told a joke! ''[laughing, the Joker draws another card and flings it, but Batman catches it with a smirk. With a gasp of shock, the Joker tries to flee, but gets his food caught on a cable and he ends up dangling over the furnace]'' BATMAN! YOU WOULDN'T LET ME FRY, WOULD YOU?! ''[Batman leans on the railing, pretending to consider it] '''BATMAN!''' [Batman pulls him up]'' ===''Pretty Poison'' [1.5]=== :'''Dent''': So, what do you think? :'''Bruce''': Does she have a sister? :'''Dent''': Nope. Pam's one of a kind. That's why I asked her to marry me. :'''Bruce''': ''[spits out his water upon hearing this]'' WHAT?! :'''Dent''': Yup, that's the page one headline. Hey... is it starting to get warm? :'''Bruce''': You're still flushed from that last kiss. Harvey, you just met her last week! :'''Dent''': And I already know she's the one. Gosh, it's hot in here... :'''Bruce''': Marriage is a major step, Harvs. Don't you think you're rushing it? :'''Dent''': No way. The moment I laid eyes on Pam, her love hit me right in the face. ''[falls right into the food he ordered]'' :'''Bruce''': ''[laughs]'' Harvey, you've lost your mind. Knock it off. ''[sees him unresponsive]'' Harv? Harvey! ''[Later sees Harvey carried into an ambulance and climbs inside]'' Hang on, Harvey. Hang on. <hr width=50%"/> :'''Bullock''': So what'd you put in this mousse?! :'''Chef''': Chocolate, sugar, eggs, cream... :'''Bullock''': STRYCHNINE?! :'''Chef''': No, no, no strychnine. But I added just a pinch of vanilla. :'''Bullock''': ''[turns to a waiter, frustrated]'' You know who did it?! TALK! :'''Waiter''': Hey, I just clean the dishes, okay? <hr width=50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[chuckles]'' Batman! A late night rendezvous? To what do I owe the honor? :'''Batman''': ''[struggling against Ivy's giant flytrap]'' Harvey Dent! :'''Poison Ivy''': Oh, the poor district attorney. I hear he's not expected to live. Oh, it's so sad... ''[feigns crying, which quickly turns to insane laughter]'' :'''Batman''': Why, Isley? :'''Poison Ivy''': Oh, please, call me Poison Ivy. You see, Harvey had to pay for his crime. :'''Batman''': What crime? :'''Poison Ivy''': Why, murder, of course! Plowing up a field of beautiful wildflowers for that silly penitentiary of his. This little rose would be extinct today if I hadn't saved my precious from those horrible bulldozers! The blood of those flowers are on his hands! ''[calms down after her tantrum]'' So his fate was sealed ''[applies lipstick]'' ...with a kiss. And now, so is yours. ''[Ivy's plant holds Batman still as she kisses him; he tries to spit away the poison]'' Oh, what's wrong? Afraid I have cooties? ''[laughs]'' Oh, now you've gone and hurt my feelings. Too bad. I was going to share the antidote with you. ''[opens a bottle and waves it under his nose]'' Lovely fragrance, don't you think? ''[applies a drop to her face]'' I call it "Rose From the Dead". <hr width=50%"/> :''[In a cell in Arkham]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': They can bury me in the ground, as deep as they like. But I'll grow back. ''[to her rose]'' We ''always'' grow back. Don't we, baby? ===''The Underdwellers'' [1.6]=== :'''Sewer King''': Lesson number one is: NOOOOO TAAAALKING! Children are to be seen and not heard. We are the Underdwellers. We are the silent ones. We follow the invisible creed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sewer King''': Frog! The rolls, if you please. :''[Another boy nervously steps over with them; the Sewer King grabs his wrist angrily]'' :'''Sewer King''': You're not Frog! Where is he?! He's not here! ''[smacks the bowl of rolls away]'' NOT HERE! And after all I've done for you ungrateful little monsters! I took you in when nobody else would have you! It is I who care for you! I who provide for you! And only I WHO KNOWS WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU! Would you rather I sent you back into the light? Back to those who hurt you, and sent you away? :''[The children tearfully shake their heads; the Sewer King pushes the dinner table over with a loud crash]'' :'''Sewer King''': THERE WILL BE NOTHING TO EAT UNTIL FROG IS FOUND! NOW OUT WITH YOU! ''OUT WITH YOU!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I don't know what kind of barbarian did this to you, but it's over. And from now on, you'll be treated like human beings. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sewer King''': ''[clapping]'' Bravo. Bravo. You've caused me great distress, you evil bat, yes, yes, yes, you have! You've hurt my pretty pets, and you've frightened my beloved children! :'''Batman''': ''[incredulous and disgusted]'' "Beloved children"?! :'''Sewer King''': Yes! I feed them, I clothe them, I discipline them, and I teach them a trade! And now, I will teach ''you'' something! :''[He stamps on Batman's hands, but Batman swings under the pipe and kicks him from behind, causing him to fall off]'' :'''Batman''': Grab my hand! :'''Sewer King''': ''NEVER!'' :''[He falls into the water, where the alligators close in and seemingly devour him]'' :'''Batman''': A gruesome fate for a gruesome man. :''[He hears the Sewer King laughing, and sees him with the alligators, unharmed]'' :'''Sewer King''': I rather enjoyed it! I told you, they're my pretties! ''[pets one, laughing]'' Have a nice swim! :''[Batman swings over to chase him, narrowly missing the alligators' jaws]'' :'''Batman''': Later. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman pulls the Sewer King out of the way of an oncoming train]'' :'''Sewer King''': Why? Why?! ''Why?!'' :'''Batman''': ''[seething with anger]'' I don't pass sentence. That's for the courts. But this time - ''this time'' - I am ''sorely tempted'' to do the job myself! ===''P.O.V.'' [1.7]=== :''[after Batman grapples up a crane with Officer Montoya to safety]'' :'''Batman''': Are you alright? :''[Machine gun bullets hit around Batman and Officer Montoya, causing both of them to duck]'' :'''Officer Montoya''': Dandy. :'''Batman''': Then don't go away. :'''Officer Montoya''': ''[Batman leaves as more machine gun bullets hit. Montoya stays down]'' Count on it. <hr width="50%"/> :''[after Commissioner Gordon congratulates Officer Montoya for foiling the dock heist with Batman's aid]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': I have to hand it to you, Montoya. You and the Batman really turned this thing around. :'''Patrolman Wilkes''': Yeah, what a [[wikt:collar|collar]]! You didn't just bust 'em, you put the whole gang out of commission. ''[Lieutenant Hackle appears to accuse Montoya]'' :'''Lieutenant Hackle''': What collar? She's suspended! ''[Gordon angrily grabs Heckle]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': This [[wikt:farce|farce]] has gone far enough, Hackle! We apprehended the suspects and recovered our money. The investigation is closed! ''[He grabs three confiscated police badges out of Hackle's suit pocket and shoves him aside. He hands the badges to Officer Montoya]'' Officer Montoya earned this collar. :'''Officer Montoya''': The collar belongs to all three of us, Commissioner. It was a team effort. ''[Montoya accepts hers and hands Wilkes back his badge]'' :'''Patrolman Wilkes''': Gee... thanks, partner! :'''Detective Bullock''': ''[grumbling under his breath]'' Yeah, yeah... :'''Officer Montoya''': What was that, Bullock? ''[happily gives badge to Bullock]'' :'''Detective Bullock''': ''[reluctantly hesitates, accepts his badge]'' I said... Thanks a lot, Montoya. ===''The Forgotten'' [1.8]=== :'''Bruce''': What is this? :'''Smith''': If it's moving, it's a rat. If it isn't, it's a cooked rat. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': ''[Alfred flies the Batwing to the tracking device's location]'' This must be the place! Bring us down! :'''Batwing Computer''': Negative. :'''Alfred''': ''[pressing buttons madly]'' But Master Bruce is down there! We HAVE to land! :'''Computer''': Impossible. Area too confined. :'''Alfred''': ''[pounds the console]'' Land, you bucket of bolts! :'''Computer''': Your funeral. :'''Alfred''': Oh, dear...! ''[The Batwing flies down abruptly. Bruce, escaping the mine, sees the Batwing fly over]'' :'''Bruce''': ''[Smiles]'' Son of a gun! :''[The Batwing reaches a flat area near Bruce and lands. The cockpit opens.]'' :'''Computer''': Watch your step. :'''Alfred''': ''[tumbles out, dazed]'' [[w:Juan Rodriguez Cabrillo|I-I-I claim this land... for Spain]]. ''[collapses]'' ===''Be A Clown'' [1.9]=== :'''Jordan''': How can I get to be a great magician like you, Jekko? :'''"Jekko"''': Well, there are three steps! Step one: run away. Step two: find a magician with a great act. And step three: ''steal it.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Summer Gleason''': ''[reporting on TV]'' Denying reports of a bomb blast at his son's birthday party, Mayor Hill insists the explosion was caused by faulty electrical wiring. :'''"Jekko"''': Yeah! RIGHT! ''[laughs]'' :'''Summer Gleason''': The Mayor declined, however, to confirm that his son Jordan was missing. :'''"Jekko"''': Missing? :'''Jordan''': ''[coming into view]'' It's me, Jekko. I ran away. :'''"Jekko"''': You did '''WHAT?!?''' :'''Jordan''': I want to be a magician, like you. :'''"Jekko"''': Why, you... ''[laughs]'' Well, kid, you got step one right! Come on in. I've been thinking about a protege. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman is trapped inside a tank filled with water, complete with a straitjacket and leg restraints]'' :'''"Jekko"''': For your viewing pleasure, we present... the infamous water tank trap! The great [[w:Harry Houdini|Houdini]] survived such a test. Dare we demand less of the Batman?! :'''Jordan''': I don't like this, Jekko... :'''"Jekko"''': Quiet, kid, it's a free ticket. :''[Batman manages to free the sleeves of the jacket]'' :'''Jordan''': ''[clapping]'' He did it! He got free! :'''"Jekko"''': They don't make straitjackets like they used to. ''[grinning]'' I should know... :''[Batman wriggles out of the jacket and undoes the leg restraints, but struggles to break the glass]'' :'''Jordan''': He can't get out! What's the trick? :'''"Jekko"''': That's just it! THERE IS NO TRICK! :'''Jordan''': No! He'll drown! :''[Jordan grabs an axe and strikes the side of the tank to try and free Batman, but "Jekko" takes the axe away]'' :'''"Jekko"/Joker''': That's why they call it a finale! ''[throws down the axe and discards his Jekko the Clown mask]'' Now sit down and enjoy the show! ===''Two-Face Part 1'' [1.10]=== :''[Dent's raid on Thorne has been aborted by the judge due to supposed lack of reliable evidence]'' :'''Dent''': No! NO! '''I SPENT ''THREE MONTHS'' ON THAT RAID!''' He can't overturn! The fool! HE'S ''BEEN BOUGHT! LIKE ALL THE REST!'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[tries to restrain him]'' Harvey, please try to calm down. This sort of behavior doesn't run well with the voters- :'''Dent''': ''LET GO OF ME, YOU RICH TWIT!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dent''': Stealing someone's psychiatric file is pretty low, Thorne! Even for a swine like you! :'''[[w:John Vernon|Rupert Thorne]]''': But it makes for such fascinating reading. Listen to this, boys. Says here that when Harvey was a little boy, he was bothered by a bully. Every day the bully would bug him after school, until one day little Harvey got so mad, he slugged him one. :'''Thorne's Thugs''': Oooh! :'''Rupert Thorne''': Of course, the bully ran away, which made little Harvey very proud. Until he heard that the bully was in the hospital. :'''Candace''': That was some punch. :'''Rupert Thorne''': ''[chuckles]'' That's what Harvey thought. Except the guy was in the hospital for appendicitis! ''[chuckles again]'' But poor Harvey felt so guilty, he never showed his anger again. And that was the start of "Big Bad Harv". :'''Dent''': What do you want? :'''Rupert Thorne''': Just a few favors from the D.A.'s office. :'''Dent''': You're dreaming. :'''Rupert Thorne''': Otherwise, as a concerned citizen, I'd be compelled to give this to the press. After all, the people of Gotham have a right to know the kind of person... or should I say "persons", they've elected. So, what do you say, Harvey? Do we have a deal? :''[Harvey's face has contorted in building rage the entire time, but suddenly relaxes into deceptive docility]'' :'''Dent''': There's just one problem. :'''Rupert Thorne''': What's that? :'''Dent''': ''[in Big Bad Harv's voice]'' '''''You're talking to the wrong Harvey.''''' ===''Two-Face Part 2'' [1.11]=== :''[In a nightmare, Harvey is being chased by a dark shadow. He suddenly realizes he is standing on a collapsing wooden bridge]'' :'''Harvey Dent''': Stay back! ''[the shadow reveals itself to be Batman, pleading for Harvey's help]'' :'''Batman''': Harvey, please, let me help you! :'''Harvey Dent''': You?! You saw what was happening! You knew that something was terribly wrong with me! I thought you were my friend! You should have been able to help me--but you didn't! ''[Harvey covers his face with his two hands, now transformed into Two-Face]'' :'''Two-Face''': ''NOW LOOK AT ME!!'' :'''Batman''': But I tried, Harvey. I... ''[the bridge pulls itself apart, causing Two-Face to fall off]'' Harvey! :'''Two-Face''': ''[Plummets into an abyss of glowing red light] WHY COULDN'T YOU SAVE ME...?!!'' :''[Batman looks down the edge and gasps with horrified shock. He instead sees his late parents Thomas and Martha Wayne underneath a single lamppost. They both raise their heads in sadness]'' :'''Thomas Wayne''': Why couldn't you save us, son? :''[Bruce wakes up, sweating with fear. He then turns to a photo of Two-Face from a newspaper]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': So what are you dreaming tonight, Harvey? Peaceful dreams? Nightmares? Maybe both at once. Sleep well, my friend. Whether you are, whatever you've become... I ''will'' save you. I swear. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Two-Face''': This is my world now. A dichotomy of order and chaos - just like me. :'''Grace''': Harvey, what's happened to your mind, your feelings? You used to listen to your feelings. :'''Two-Face''': ''[flipping his coin]'' This is what I listen to now. ''Chance,'' Grace. Chance is everything. Whether you're born or not, whether you live or die, whether you're good or bad... it's all arbitrary. :'''Grace''': That's nonsense, Harvey. Was it chance that made you District Attorney? Was it chance that made you fall in love with me? Take control of your life, Harvey. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Two-Face grabs a tommy gun and aims at a defenceless Thorne]'' :'''Rupert Thorne''': No! Two-Face, don't! ''[to Batman]'' You can't let him! :'''Grace''': Harvey! What are you doing?! :'''Two-Face''': Taking control of my life. :'''Batman''': Let the law handle it. :'''Two-Face''': "The law"?! ''[takes out his coin]'' Here's the only law! The law of averages! The great equalizer! :''[Two-Face flips the coin, but Batman throws out a crate of other coins, and Two-Face's is lost among them as they spill out]'' :'''Two-Face''': ''[horrified and panicked]'' NO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! ''[searches through them frantically]'' My coin! Where is it?! I can't decide without...! Oh no, it's ''gotta'' be here, it's ''gotta! [shrieks with anguish]'' '''''I HAVE TO HAVE IT!!!''''' :''[He continues to scream, swiping the coins aside before collapsing in tears; Grace gently comforts him]'' :'''Grace''': It's all right now, Harvey. I'm here. ===''It's Never Too Late'' [1.12]=== :'''Father Michael Stromwell''': Arnold? That's one soul I wish I could give up on. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arnold Stromwell''': I don't need your help! :'''Michael Stromwell''': Is that a fact? An empire crumbling? A marriage shattered? A son lost? Sure, you're doing fine. ===''I've Got Batman In My Basement'' [1.13]=== :''[after Penguin's goons successfully steal a [[w:Fabergé egg|Fabergé egg]] on a tall building]'' :'''Goon 1''': ''[chuckles]'' A piece of cake, just like the boss said. :'''Goon 2''': Yeah, all it took was five minutes. ''[Batman makes his surprise appearance to the goons]'' :'''Batman''': And that'll get you five ''years''... ''[pause]'' with good behavior. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Be-fowled by a couple of fledgelings! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Grant''': Sherman, what are you doing down there? :'''Sherman''': Nothing, Mom! :'''Mrs. Grant''': You're not trying to make gunpowder again, are you? :'''Sherman''': No, Mom! Honest! :'''Roberta''': We just saved Batman's life, Mrs. Grant, and now we're hiding him from some bad criminals. :'''Mrs. Grant''': That's good, just don't make a mess. ''[leaves]'' :'''Sherman''': Nice going, Miss Big Mouth. :'''Roberta''': ''[shrugging]'' Sorry, Sherman, I guess I panicked. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Gentlemen - and I use the term loosely - after you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Eurgh, how bourgeois. Tearing this place apart could only improve it! Let the egg hunt begin! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Grant''': Young man, you've got some serious explaining to do! ''[sees Batman and the defeated Penguin and gasps]'' :'''Sherman''': Err, Mom, I'd like you to meet Batman. Batman, this is my mom. :'''Batman''': Ma'am. :'''Mrs. Grant''': Oh, hello... :'''Sherman''': Say, Batman, you wouldn't be single, would you? ===''[[w:Heart of Ice (Batman: The Animated Series)|Heart of Ice]]'' [1.14]=== :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[gazes at the ballerina snow globe]'' This is how I'll always remember you. Surrounded by [[winter]] forever young, forever beautiful. Rest well, my love. The monster who took you from me will soon learn that [[revenge]] is a dish... ''[opens his eyes through his red goggles]'' best served '''cold'''. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman infiltrates an office in GothCorp headquarters and sees a classified file with a videotape and medical records of a woman named Nora Fries. He plays the tape on a nearby VCR]'' :'''Victor Fries''': ''[on the tape]'' My name is Doctor Victor Fries. I am recording what I pray would be mankind's first step toward immortality. ''[camera pans to a large machine with a glass capsule and a woman inside it]'' Behind me, you see the CC-100, a cryogenic freezing chamber of my own design. I created it for the express purpose of freezing subjects stricken with inoperable ailments. Subjects like... my own beloved wife, Nora. Once a remedy has been found-- ''[reacts to a loud banging on the door]'' :'''Ferris Boyle''': ''[Behind the door]'' Open this door! Open it now! ''[A security guard kicks the door down, Ferris and another guard step into the room. Boyle confronts Fries angrily.]'' Get away from that equipment! ''[Orders his guards]'' Shut this stuff down. :'''Fries''': ''[Panicked]'' Stop! This is my experiment! :'''Boyle''': Your ''unauthorized'' experiment. I ordered funding suspended weeks ago! I'm already three million in debt thanks to you! :'''Fries''': You can't stop it now! My wife is in there! :'''Boyle''': So bring her out! :'''Fries''': You can't interrupt the process now! :'''Boyle''': ''[unmoved; to guard]'' Open it. :'''Fries''': ''[desperately holds on to Boyle]'' It's her only chance! :'''Boyle''': ''[shrugs off Fries]'' This is MY equipment! ''MINE!'' I have every legal right to use it or not use it as I see fit. I say this project ends ''now!'' :'''Fries''': ''[grabs pistol from security guard and aims it at Ferris]'' '''NO!''' Stay away from her, murderer! :'''Boyle''': ''[tries to act charming to Fries]'' Victor... I'm sorry... I lost my temper. It doesn't have to come to this. We can talk! ''[Fries calms down and Boyle kicks him into a table of cryonic chemicals. Victor screams in pain as the cloud of volatile chemicals engulf him. Boyle steps away in fear and runs out of the room with his guards]'' Get out. Get out! :'''Fries''': ''[Clinging to his freezing chamber, screaming through the glass] Nora! NORA...! [passes out. The tape ends]'' :'''Batman''': ''[Horrified]'' My God! :''[A voice rings out--it's Mr. Freeze, who just snuck in the room]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': Yes. It would move me to tears, if I still had tears to shed. ''[freezes Batman with his cryo-gun]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mr. Freeze raids the award ceremony and confronts Ferris Boyle, who is receiving a humanitarian award]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': The cold eyes of vengeance are upon you, Boyle. :'''Ferris Boyle''': Who...who ''are'' you?! :'''Mr. Freeze''': Come, now. Surely you remember your old colleague... Victor Fries? :''[Mr. Freeze aims and fires his freezing gun at Boyle's feet, ice slowly covering up his legs to his waist]'' :'''Boyle''': ''[cries in pain]'' NO! No...! Stop... please... I... b-beg you! ''[Mr. Freeze stops his freezing gun for a moment of clarity]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': You... ''beg?'' In my nightmares I see my Nora behind the glass, begging to me with frozen eyes. How I've longed to see that look frozen on you. :''[Batman batarangs Mr Freeze's cryo-gun and attacks him. Mr Freeze overpowers Batman and throws him off]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': The advanced circuitry that powers my suit also triples my strength! ''[engages Batman, and lifts him off the ground]'' Sooner or later, all who stand in my way must feel the icy touch of death! :''[Mr. Freeze is about to kill Batman, but collapses when Batman smashes his glass helmet with a thermos full of chicken soup given to him by Alfred earlier]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': ''[walks next to Batman]'' Ooh...! What was that stuff? :'''Batman''': The only way to fight a cold. :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[as his suit falters]'' It can't end this way... vengeance...! :'''Batman''': No, ''justice''. A year ago, Ferris Boyle interrupted an experiment, and in the process destroyed two lives. ''[gives Summer Gleeson the tape he found]'' Here's the evidence. ''[walks to a still shivering Boyle; he sneers at Boyle with disgust]'' Good night, humanitarian! ''[walks off]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mr. Freeze is in his subzero cell in Arkham Asylum, gazing into his ballerina snow globe]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': I failed you. I wish there were another way for me to say it... but I cannot. ''[Tears silently slide down his face]'' I can only beg your [[forgiveness]] and pray you hear me somehow, someplace. Someplace... where a warm hand waits for mine. ===''The Cat And The Claw Part 1'' [1.15]=== :'''Stern''': Now if you'll excuse me, I've given you all the time I can spare. :'''Selina Kyle''': You'll find more time for me, Mr. Stern. Before I'm through, I'll have every environmental group and animal rights activist breathing down your neck. They'll be looking at you and your project so closely, you'll feel like a bug in a bell-jar. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You're late. :'''Mob Boss''': Can't you walk up to someone normal-like? :'''Batman''': I hear you have some information. :'''Mob Boss''': Under one condition: Lay off the South Side. :'''Batman''': Keep this up, and I'll be on you from all sides. North, south, east, and west. ===''The Cat And The Claw Part 2'' [1.16]=== :'''Batman''': Red Claw? A woman? :'''[[W:Red_Claw|Red Claw]]''': Do you have a problem with that, Batman? :'''Batman''': Not at all. I'm an equal opportunity crime fighter! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I didn't want you taken away like a common criminal. :'''Catwoman''': So you do care. :'''Batman''': ''[handcuffing her]'' More than you'll ever know. ===''See No Evil'' [1.17]=== :'''Lloyd Ventrix''': See you 'round, Batman! Too bad you can't say the same! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Ventrix, the suit! It's poison! :'''Ventrix''': So what if it is?! I don't care! As long as I have it, I can take my daughter back whenever I want! Her mother won't stop me, AND NEITHER WILL YOU! ===''Beware The Gray Ghost'' [1.18]=== :''[At a video shop, Bruce Wayne asks for Gray Ghost films]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': I'd like the ''Gray Ghost''. :'''Store Clerk''': ''[smirks and walks away]'' Hmm. Name something else. :'''Wayne''': You said you had everything. :'''Store Clerk''': Except the ''Gray Ghost''! Nobody has it! The studio that made the show, Spectra? It burned down 20 years ago. The negatives all went up like kindling, real shame. :'''Wayne''': So the ''Gray Ghost'' doesn't exist? :'''Clerk''': Not anymore. Sorry, pal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Simon Trent''': ''[Hands Batman a film reel with the key the mystery]'' Here's your answer, take it and go! :'''Batman''': I used to admire what the Gray Ghost stood for... :'''Simon Trent''': I'm not the Gray Ghost! :'''Batman''': ''[coldly]'' I can see that now. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the launch of the Gray Ghost videos]'' :'''Bruce''': Could you make this out to 'Bruce'? :'''Gray Ghost''': ''[signing autograph]'' Here you are, Bruce. :'''Bruce''': Thanks. As a kid, I used to watch you with my father. The Gray Ghost was my hero. :'''Gray Ghost''': ''[realizing]'' Really... :'''Bruce''': ''[smiling]'' And he still is. ===''Prophecy Of Doom'' [1.19]=== :'''Nostromos''': I predict... you and I are about to become rich as pigs! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lucas''': No one could've predicted Batman would spot me. Not even the great Nostromos. Besides, how do you know Wayne survived? :'''Nostromos''': The news said he got off the elevator right before it fell, you pathetic amateur! :'''Lucas''': Well, you didn't predict he would ''die'', exactly... ===''Feat Of Clay Part 1'' [1.20]=== :''[About Matt Hagen's repeated use of "Renuyu" to restore his disfigured face]'' :'''Teddy Lupus''': You can't go on like this, Matt. You hurt all the time now. :'''[[w:Clayface|Matt Hagen]]''': ''[irritated]'' You're just my stand-in, Lupus. Nobody promoted you to nursemaid! :'''Lupus''': That stuff makes your face like putty, Matt; it can't be good for ya. :'''Hagen''': It probably ain't good for me. But unless I only want to do ''horror'' pictures, it ain't bad for me either. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Listen up, scumwad, 'cause I'm only gonna ask you once. Who was Lucius Fox meeting at the tram? :'''Raymond Bell''': Wayne... Bruce Wayne! :'''Batman''': You lying sleaze! You wanna rethink that answer? ===''Feat Of Clay Part 2'' [1.21]=== :'''Clayface''': ''[testing his new shapeshifting powers]'' The formula must have soaked every cell in my body. :'''Teddy Lupus''': It's.... It's some kind of miracle! ''[sees Matt change back into Clayface]'' Wha... What are you doing? :'''Clayface''': No. No! You broke my concentration! It won't work, don't you see?! It's too hard! It's like tensing a muscle - I can't keep it up for long! MY CAREER, MY ''LIFE'' - IT ''IS'' GONE! AND I CAN NEVER GET IT BACK! ''[In his rage, Clayface destroys several things in the trailer]'' I'm not an actor anymore! I'm not even... a ''man''! ''[Sobs softly]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Clayface''': Not even the Batman could stop me, Teddy. And that means ''Daggett'' won't have a prayer. :'''Teddy''': Matt, please, you don't wanna do anything crazy. Why don't you try to get some shuteye? :'''Clayface''': ''[growls]'' DON'T YOU DARE PATRONIZE ME!!! I told you I don't need rest! I don't need food! AND I DON'T NEED YOU!!!! ''[grabs Teddy and throws him to a bookcase then walks out the door]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Roland Daggett is at a talk show talking about Renuyu facial cream and the host entertains audience questions]'' :'''Woman''': I'd like to ask Mr. Daggett about the rumors I've heard. I hear he's selling Renuyu through direct marketing because stores won't carry it due to its harmful side effects. :'''[[w:Roland Daggett|Roland Daggett]]''': Well that's, uh, absolutely untrue- :'''Woman''': ''[stands up and approaches him]'' What about the addictive properties of Renuyu, Mr. Daggett? Once you're hooked, you can't stop using it without horrible...''pain''! :'''Daggett''': No! I mean... That's just not so! :'''Woman''': Why don't you show them what an ''overdose'' can do, Daggett?! Why don't you tell them ''[voices goes deeper]'' about ME?! ''[transforms into Clayface]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Batman tricks Clayface into confronting him in a recording room, where he turns multiple screens showing headshots of Clayface's past roles]'' :'''Clayface''': What are you doing?! Stop it! :'''Batman''': Look at them, Hagan. Look at what you used to be. :'''Clayface''': No, no! Turn them off! :'''Batman''': You can play those roles again, Hagan. Let me help you find a cure. :'''Clayface''': ''[begins to shapeshift into his past roles]'' No! Hagan's gone! Make him stop haunting me! ''[begins to uncontrollably shapeshift into his past roles]'' Stop it! Turn them off! I can't control it! I can't be all of them! Not all at once! :''[Batman tries to turn on some more screens, but Clayface knocks him out of the way and smashes the control panels; Clayface yanks off one of the screens and throws it at Batman, who dodges; the screen hits the big screen, causing an explosion; the police arrive to see Clayface in his shapeshifting seizure as he shifts his face into Bruce Wayne]'' :'''Officer''': Mother of mercy! It looks just like Bruce Wayne! :''[Clayface punches through two screens, electrocuting him and reverting back into his true form and he topples over; Batman walks up to Clayface]'' :'''Clayface''': ''[morphs into Matt Hagan]'' You know what I'd have given for a death scene like this? ''[morphs into his scarred form]'' Too bad I won't get to... read the notices. ''[faints and reverts back to his true form.]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Lucius Fox''': I'm just glad to know it wasn't really Bruce Wayne who attacked me. :'''Summer Gleeson''': Thank you, Mr. Fox. All charges against Wayne have, of course, been dropped. And Roland Daggett remains in custody. :''[as Alfred turns off the TV, Batman is experimenting with a piece of Clayface's clay]'' :'''Alfred''': My word, sir. I should think after all this, it would time to rest. :'''Batman''': Look. A piece of clay left behind when they took Hagan's body away. Watch. ''[zaps the clay with electricity, causing it to morph into multiple shapes]'' :'''Alfred''': Electricity has no effect on it? :'''Batman''': Exactly. ''[scene changes to a morgue where a doctor uncovers Clayface's body; voice-over]'' I wouldn't be surprised if the body they took to the morgue was only a shell ''[Clayface's body cracks and crumbles into little pieces]'' Don't forget, first and foremost, Hagan was an actor. ''[scene changes to Teddy outside the hospital]'' He said it himself, Alfred. He called it a scene. Maybe the greatest scene in his career. :'''Teddy''': ''[sadly]'' See you 'round, Matt. ''[walks away]'' :'''Batman''': A death scene so real... it fooled us all. :''[a woman laughs maniacally as her voice grows deeper and her eyes turn yellow, revealing her to be a disguised Clayface]'' ===''Joker's Favor'' [1.22]=== :'''[[w:Joker (comics)|Joker]]''': ''[tosses two pennies on the ground]'' There's your two cents. Now, what are you going to do to me? :'''Charlie''': Listen.... I... O'm sorry, really! I.... I had a bad day. Boss turned down my raise, and... :'''Joker''': Now look, my rude friend! We can't have people cursing at each other on the freeway. It's simply ''not polite''! ''[jumps down and grabs him]'' I'm just going to have to teach you some manners. ''[reaches into his coat]'' :'''Charlie''': Please don't! I have a family, a wife, a little boy! Please! I'll do anything to make it up! Anything! :'''Joker''': Anything, says you? ''[Charlie nods; Joker releases him]'' Okee-dokee! Wallet. :'''Charlie''': Uh, okay. I don't have much cash. :'''Joker''': Oh, please! Don't insult me! ''[takes out driver's license]'' Charles Michael Collins. That's you! Tsk tsk, lousy picture, though. Lousy! Address, height, weight, blah blah blah. ''[tosses the wallet back and keeps the license]'' Righty-o, Chuckers! Here's the deal. I'll let you off if you promise to do a little favor for me. :'''Charlie''': Okay. What? :'''Joker''': ''I DON'T KNOW! I HAVEN'T THOUGHT OF IT YET!'' You just toddle on back to your mundane, meaningless little life, and when I need you, I'll call. Fair? Good? Great! I'll be in touch. ''[walks away, laughing maniacally]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Charlie''': Hello? :'''Joker''': Hello, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': Wrong number, pal. My name is Don. :'''Joker''': Oh, no, no, no. This IS the right number, Charles Michael Collins. Oh, I don't know why you changed your name to Don Wallace and moved your family to 12 Marigold Lane, Springdale, Ohio. One might think you were trying to skip out on our little deal. ''[to Harley Quinn]'' Leave the sideburns. :'''Charlie''': Uh... how did you find me? :'''Joker''': Oh, I never lost you, Chaz. You've become my... HOBBY!! ''[laughs maniacally]'' Now, listen up, Charlie Brown. You're booked on the next flight to Gotham. Tell the family you have to visit a sick friend. Oh, and let's keep this to ourselves, 'kay? Bad things happen to people who gossip, capisce, Carlo? ''[Charlie looks out the window to see Joker's henchmen pull up to his house]'' :'''Charlie''': Yeah... :'''Joker''': Good! See ya! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': You miserable little ''nobody!'' If I get caught, your wife and son are history! :'''Charlie''': You're not getting caught. Not this time. I found this blown out of the van. :''[He pulls one of the Joker's bombs from his jacket, and the Joker looks shocked and afraid]'' :'''Charlie''': This is how it ends, Joker. No big schemes, no grand fight to the finish with the Dark Knight. Tomorrow, all the papers will say is that the great Joker was found blown to bits in an alley, alongside a "miserable little nobody"! ''[chuckles]'' Kinda funny. Ironic, really. See? I can destroy a man's dreams too! And that's really the only dream you've got, isn't it?! :'''Joker''': ''[still scared]'' Look, Charlie, you've had a busy day! All this running around, all this excitement with... ''[yelling out desperately]'' '''''BATMAN!''''' Stop! You... you're crazy! :'''Charlie''': I had a good teacher! ''[chuckles]'' Say goodnight, Gracie! :'''Joker''': ''[terrified, trying to crawl away]'' NO! '''BATMAN! ''BATMAN!''''' ''[sees Batman in the shadows, and gasps with relief and annoyance]'' How long have you been there?! :'''Batman''': Long enough. Put it down, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': You know he'll just escape again! This is the only way my family stays safe! :'''Joker''': All right, you win! Take it easy! ''[surrenders his notebook to Batman]'' Here's everything on his blasted family - names, addresses, it's all there! You're no fun anymore, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': Hey, Joker! ''[throws the bomb at the Joker, who cowers behind Batman - only for the "bomb" to release harmless confetti]'' Gotcha! :''[Batman lets out a short laugh]'' :'''Joker''': ''[dryly]'' Oh, very funny. A million laughs. :'''Batman''': Go home, Mr. Collins. :'''Charlie''': Home. I never thought that could sound so good. I wonder what Bonnie's making for dinner. Right now, anything would taste great. Even meatloaf. ===''Vendetta'' [1.23]=== :'''Batman''': Here's how it works, slimeball. I have questions, and if you have answers, I'll leave you alone. :'''Rupert Thorne''': Oh, I have plenty of answers... thirty-eight caliber answers. Now then, you were saying? :'''Batman''': ''[Using Thorne as a shield]'' I was saying, you'd better hope your men are ''very'' good shots. It's too hot in here. Let's get some air. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Killer Croc''': Terrific. Just what I need now. The freak job in the cape. :'''Batman''': You're no prize yourself. :'''Killer Croc''': ''[strangling Batman]'' What can I tell you now? Being a reptile man ain't pretty... but it's got its upside. Like having the strength of a crocodile, for instance! But I guess you've learned that by now, huh? ''[forcing Batman into the water]'' The hard way. You know, they used to call "Killer Croc" the meanest dude in the Wrestling Federation. Now they'll call him the guy who iced the Batman! :'''Batman''': ''[flip-kicks Killer Croc really hard and gets out of the water]'' Don't hold your breath. ===''Fear Of Victory'' [1.24]=== :'''Mr. Lucky''': Lost? You have that bewildered look, but your sort always does. :'''Thug''': ''[grabs him threateningly]'' I ain't lost. I'm lookin' for you! I wanna know how come you always win, Mr. Lucky. :'''Mr. Lucky''': It's quite simple, actually. I fix the games. :'''Thug''': You can't fix ''all'' those sports. Nobody can! :'''Mr. Lucky''': Oh, ye of little brain, allow me to illustrate. ''[hands the thug an envelope laced in fear toxin]'' Here. You can read, can't you? :'''Thug''': ''[reads it]'' "Boo!" Hey, is this some kinda joke? :'''Mr. Lucky''': It's no joke, I assure you. It's the fear of victory, and the agony of... ''[the thug pulls Mr. Lucky out of the shadows, revealing his true identity]'' '''the Scarecrow!''' :''[The thug gasps in fear, now a victim of his toxin]'' :'''Scarecrow''': So now you understand Step One in how I fix an athletic contest. ''[Scarecrow comes closer to the thug, causing him to fall into some stacks of hay]'' I shall proceed to Step Two! ''[chuckles evilly]'' :'''Thug''': No! NO! GET AWAY! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': There's enough powder in that helmet to panic a pachyderm! He should be postering himself, crying for mercy! :'''Batman''': Change of luck, Scarecrow? :'''Scarecrow''': YOU! :'''Batman''': You're aware that gambling is illegal in Gotham? :'''Scarecrow''': I need the money, Batman! You know the cost of chemicals these days. And it will take much more than this to bring every pathetic person in Gotham to their knees, kissing my feet! ''[reveals a vial of his fear chemical and dangles it above the crowd]'' No closer, Batman! Unless you want a stampede of half-crazed humanity crushing and clawing each other! Now... what guarantee do I have you won't follow me? :'''Batman''': You have my word, Scarecrow. Just don't drop the vial. :'''Scarecrow''': Actually, Batman, I'd prefer a little insurance that you'll be otherwise occupied! ''[drops it]'' ===''The Clock King'' [1.25]=== :'''Fugate''': (after judgment has been passed) No! You can't! I'll be ruined! :'''Judge''': Then perhaps this will teach you to be on time for a change. :'''Batman''': What kind of a saboteur uses a six-thousand dollar Metronex to set a time bomb? :'''Alfred''': A saboteur with too much money? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman:''' Hold it! :'''Fugate:''' Well, well. The Batman. It's about time you showed up! I suppose you want to know why I've brought Downtown Gotham to a standstill, Batman. Hm? Well, let's just say it's because I'm a civic minded citizen with a lot of time on his hands. :'''Batman''': I want some answers, wise guy. Talk! :'''Fugate''': A pity. I don't know what to tell you, Batman - except perhaps that the 9:15 is always six minutes early. :''(He falls off the building and lands safely on the roof of an oncoming train as it speeds away)'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mayor Hill is tied to the hands of a huge clock]'' :'''Clock King''': Comfortable, Hill? Well you won't be for long! At 3:15 on the dot, those hands will come together and you'll be crushed like an insect. 3:15, Hill. Does that time hold any meaning for you? :'''Mayor Hill''': I don't know what you're talking about! :'''Clock King''': You told me to take my coffee break at 3:15. :'''Mayor Hill''': What?! :'''Clock King''': You don't remember?! My ''court date!'' :'''Mayor Hill''': ''[finally realizing]'' Oh my Lord! The lawsuit! Fugate! I swear I was only trying to help! :'''Clock King''': Don't hand me that! You did it on purpose! The plaintiffs were represented by your law firm, Mr. Mayor! :'''Mayor Hill''': But I had nothing to do with that case, Fugate! :'''Clock King''': Not that it matters anymore. Now that you have an appointment to keep, at 3:15 precisely—with the '''Grim Reaper!''' ''[begins laughing maniacally]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I'm here to clean your clock, Fugate. :'''Fugate''': Don't count on it, Batman. When it comes to clocks, ''I'' am king. ''En garde''! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Stop this, Fugate! Hill committed no crime against you! :'''Temple Fugate''': He did worse than that! He made me late! :'''Batman''': Fugate! You can't escape! :'''Clock King''': Au contraire, Batman. You of all people should know, there's always a way out! :''(Fugate begins laughing maniacally as a huge clock wheel falls on him, sending him to his apparent death)'' ===''Appointment In Crime Alley'' [1.26]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': Roland Daggett's up to something, Alfred. :'''Alfred''': That almost goes without saying, doesn't it, sir? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Leslie Thompkins''': This used to be a beautiful street. Good people lived here once. :'''Batman''': ''[placing two roses on the ground]'' Good people still live in Crime Alley. ===''Mad As A Hatter'' [1.27]=== :'''Jervis Tetch''': ''[Discussing the subject of Alice to his lab rats.]'' Of course, intellectually I know it's wrong. After all, she has a boyfriend. Better to withdraw like a gentleman- forget her, turn my heart to other pursuits. ''[Brief pause]'' NEVER! After all, I've created a chip strong enough to control a human brain! It would be so easy to make her forget her boorish beau and love ME! But...that would reduce her to a soulless shell. No...not my Alice. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman has cornered Jervis Tetch, who just subdued Alice with her mindcontrol card and is at a dinner table with him]'' :'''Jervis Tetch/Mad Hatter''': I'll cut that cowl off your neck before you'll take her! I've waited my whole lonely life for her! :'''Batman''': Then all you've waited for is a puppet. A soulless little doll. :'''Mad Hatter''': It didn't have to be this way! You made me do this to her! ===''Dreams In Darkness'' [1.28]=== :'''Batman''': "There's always time to heal", the doctor told me, but he was wrong. There was no time left. Not for me, not for him, and not for Gotham City. And as long as I remained trapped in Arkham, there was nothing I could do, except wait for the end and remember the beginning. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': An entire city, screaming in fear... I wonder if we'll be able to hear it... ===''Eternal Youth'' [1.29]=== :'''Mrs. Thomas''': You wicked, evil- :'''Poison Ivy''': Evil, Mrs. Thomas? I don't control a company that leveled a thousand-year-old forest for a strip mine! THAT'S evil! ''[sprays a gas which causes Mrs. Thomas to become petrified; steals a pair of earrings]'' You and your kind owe Mother Nature a big debt, and I am here to make sure you pay up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': Right now, the bark is merely exoskeletal. It will take months of additional spraying before the transformations become irreversible. But, of course, I have the patience of a redwood. :'''Batman''': ''[snarling]'' And the convictions of a fanatic! :'''Poison Ivy''': Well, if you're not going to be part of the solution, you're obviously part of the problem. Ladies? :''[Ivy's henchwomen begin to spray Batman with the growth formula]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': This spray is triple-strength, Batman! It will start the transformation without any preliminaries! ''[Nothing seems to happen to Batman as he unties his hands]'' He should be sprouting leaves by now! :'''Batman''': ''[Unties his hands and stands up, blocking the spray with his cape as he advances]'' You made your secret too accessible, Ivy! I coated my outfit with a herbicidal antidote! :'''Poison Ivy''': Keep spraying! ''[Violet and Lily back away, still spraying, but Batman subdues them both]'' ===''Perchance To Dream'' [1.30]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[Looking down off the ledge, preparing to jump]'' You're wrong! There IS a way out! :'''Mad Hatter''': Now, now wait just a minute! You don't want to do anything foolish! This isn't an ordinary dream! What if you're wrong?! :'''Bruce Wayne''': '''THEN I'LL SEE YOU IN YOUR ''NIGHTMARES''!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': '''''WHY?''''' Why did you do it?! :'''Mad Hatter''': You, of all people, have the GALL to ask me that? You RUINED MY LIFE! I was willing to give you WHATEVER life you wanted, JUST TO KEEP YOU OUT OF ''MINE!'' <hr width="75%"/> ===''The Cape & Cowl Conspiracy'' [1.31]=== :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Look up "slippery" in the dictionary and you get Josiah Wormwood. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[About the [[w:Bat-Signal|Bat-Signal]]]'' Got a new toy, I see. :'''Gordon''': I figured it might come in handy. ===''[[w:Robin's Reckoning|Robin's Reckoning Part 1]]'' [1.32]=== :''[Robin and Batman are doing a stakeout]'' :'''Robin''': If I knew it was going to take THIS long, I would've brought my homework. You sure about this extortion ring? :'''Batman''': ''[Looking at the construction site through binoculars]'' Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': It's been four hours. :'''Batman''': Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': You still think they'll show? :'''Batman''': Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': Lucky for me, you're such a good conversationalist. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': If you protect him, Stromwell, I'll be very... GRUMPY. [[The Incredible Hulk|You don't want to see me when I'm grumpy]]. ===''[[w:Robin's Reckoning|Robin's Reckoning Part 2]]'' [1.33]=== :'''[[w:Tony Zucco|Tony Zucco]]''': I'm not back in town five minutes - FIVE MINUTES - and he's on my tail. You don't know the Bat. He don't let up! He's the dark angel of death, man, and he wants ME! :'''Mick''': ... Why you, boss? :'''Zucco''': HOW SHOULD I KNOW?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Robin is about to throw Tony Zucco off the pier]'' :'''Tony Zucco''': No, don't! Please... :'''Batman''': Robin! Enough. ''[limps towards him]'' You can't let your emotions get the best of you. :'''Robin''': Stuff your advice, Batman! You and your stone-cold heart! You don't know how I feel. HOW COULD YOU?!? ''[Batman looks at him, and Robin realizes what he said]'' Batman, I didn't mean to... I'm sorry. ''[after he sees the police coming, Robin seemingly readies to throw Zucco off the pier but simply throws him to the ground. The cops arrive and arrest Zucco.]'' You were right, you know, not bringing me along. You knew I'd take it too personally. :'''Batman''': It wasn't that, Robin. It wasn't that at all. Zucco's taken so much, caused you so much pain. I couldn't stand the thought that he might... take you, too. :'''Robin''': ''[putting a hand on Batman's shoulder]'' Come on, partner. It's been a long night. ===''The Laughing Fish'' [1.34]=== :'''Alfred''': ''[seeing Batman with a Joker Fish]'' Dining in tonight, sir? :'''Batman''': ''[sighs]'' The dissection tray, please, Alfred... :'''Alfred''': Any idea what our happy friend is up to now? :'''Batman''': Normal criminals usually have logical motives, but the Joker's insane schemes make sense to him alone. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': Ah-ah-ah-ahem! Look alive, wage slaves. Presenting that caliph of clowns, that mogul of mountebanks, the one and only Joker! :''[The Joker enters, laughing maniacally]'' :'''Francis''': Great Scott! :'''Joker''': Actually, I'm Irish. Good morning, Mister, err, ''[looks at his desk's name plate]'' Francis! Please allow me to introduce my associates. Miss Quinn. :'''Harley Quinn''': ''Enchante''! :'''Joker''': And Messrs, uh... oh, their names escape me for the moment. No matter! We gentlemen of business have arrangements to discuss. :'''Francis''': A... Arrangements? :'''Joker''': ''[drops a Joker Fish onto his desk]'' For my fish, of course! This has all been worked out far in advance, Francis. You are merely the last tiny cog in my grand design! So don't speak to me again, 'kay? Now, what is everyone in town talking about? :'''Francis''': Err... your fish? :'''Joker''': ''[smacks him with the fish]'' I TOLD YOU NOT TO SPEAK! :'''Harley''': ''[sniffs Francis]'' Ooh, fish stink-a-roony! ''[sprays him with a substance from a perfume bottle, making him cough]'' All better! :'''Joker''': As I was saying, since every fish in Gotham now bares my famous and frankly ''fabulous'' face, I should be getting a profit from every fish product sold. ''[one of his thugs pours out a pile of products]'' Let's say a nickel per fish sandwich, fifty cents for sardines - millions of dollars a day to finance my happily hedonistic lifestyle! So which of your tedious copyright forms do I fill out first? You may speak now. :'''Francis''': No one can copyright fish. They're a natural resource. :'''Joker''': But they share my unique face! [[w:Colonel Sanders|Colonel What's-His-Name]] has chickens, and they don't even have moustaches! :'''Francis''': I can't help it, it's the law! :'''Joker''': Oh! Trying to cheat the Joker, are ya?! Well, we'll see who has the last laugh. You have until midnight to change your mind, Francis, or you'll be the poorest fish of all! ''[leaves, laughing madly, with his thugs following]'' :'''Harley''': ''[blows Francis a kiss as she follows]'' Buh-bye! :'''Francis''': He's crazy...! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Francis''': Err, Batman? Why is this happening to me? I've never done anything to this Joker. I'm just a paper-pusher, I can't change the laws. I'm harmless! :'''Batman''': And in his sick mind, that's the joke, Mr. Francis. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Feeling all right? :'''Francis''': ''[scratching himself]'' Oh, sure. It's just that everything's been so crazy today. I haven't even had time to rinse off that gunk the Joker's girl squirted on me... :'''Batman''': ''[to Gordon]'' GET THIS MAN TO A HOSPITAL! ''NOW!'' :'''Francis''': What?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': You're right, Harley. Fish ''are'' disgusting. I think I'll start using my toxin on cattle. Joker Burgers! Ha! Talk about a [[w:McDonald's|Happy Meal!]] <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': ''[after hitting Batman with a big wrench]'' Meanwhile, back at the "wrench"...! Since my sidesplitters don't tickle you, how 'bout a ''skull''-splitter?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After the Joker is seemingly eaten by the shark]'' :'''Harley''': ''[sniffing sadly]'' Oh, my poor, poor puddin'... :'''Bullock''': Come on, he was a demented, abusive, psychotic maniac. :'''Harley''': Yeah... I'm really gonna miss him! ''[sobs into her handkerchief]'' :'''Gordon''': Do you think he's gone for good? :'''Batman''': Believe me, Jim, I wish it were true. But deep inside, I doubt it. ===''Night Of The Ninja'' [1.35]=== :'''[[w:Kyodai Ken|Kyodai Ken]]''': ''[Throwing Bruce]'' Don't be depressed, Wayne-san. You're not bad for a rich man's pampered son. :'''Sensei''': ''[Leaps across room and throws Kyodai]'' There's always someone better, Kyodai. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': His name is Kyodai Ken. He was good. :'''Robin''': Yeah? How good? :'''Batman''': ''[Quickly]'' Good. :'''Robin''': I see. <hr width="80%"/> ===''Cat Scratch Fever'' [1.36]=== :'''Selina Kyle''': Don't tell me you're my very own private probation officer. How often would you like me to check in? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': "Viral Antitoxins". For a plague that doesn't exist, yet, but if the plague is introduced via stray dogs and cats, it will blanket Gotham City within weeks! :'''Roland Daggett''': Days, actually. You know how many strays there are in Gotham, Batman? Three hundred thousand! Imagine if even a tenth of them carried the virus. Not only will this little bottle make me a hero, it'll make me a fortune as well. ===''The Strange Secret Of Bruce Wayne'' [1.37]=== :''[Joker, Two-Face, and Penguin are bidding over Batman's secret identity]'' :'''Two-Face''': $500,000 :'''Penguin''': Poof. Chicken feed. I'll bet a million! :'''Two-Face''': ''TWO'' Million! :'''Strange''': I have two million. Do I hear three? :'''Joker''': Hold it, hold it, HOLD IT! :'''Two-Face''': Get outta my face, clown! :'''Joker''': Which one? :''[An angered Two-Face is about to attack Joker, but Penguin intervenes]'' :'''Penguin''': Gentlemen, it behooves us not to fight amongst ourselves. :'''Joker''': Well put, sardine breath! I think we should ''pool'' our resources on this. $51,240,685! ''[gets out a little coin purse, and pours out some coins]'' And uh, 53 cents. :'''Strange''': Sold! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Strange''': Joker, please! I was set up! Bruce Wayne is Batman! :'''Two-Face''': That's absurd! I know Bruce Wayne. If he's Batman, I'm the King of England! :'''Joker''': And people say I'M crazy! ===''Heart Of Steel Part 1'' [1.38]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': And who's your little friend? :''[Barbara takes a teddy bear out of her purse]'' :'''Barbara Gordon''': Oh, this is Wubby. I've had him forever. Dad won't pick me up at the airport without bringing him along. :'''Commissioner Gordon''': ''[blushing]'' Well... he knows the way better than I do. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': ''[After learning about the AI project]'' Sounds as if the human race could become quite expendable, except for butlers, of course. :'''Batman''': Of course. ===''Heart Of Steel Part 2'' [1.39]=== :'''Randa''': You have immobilized the maker. :'''[[w:HARDAC|HARDAC]]''': His human imperfection endangers the plan. He must be improved upon. <hr width="50%"/> :'''HARDAC''': The maker's concept was sound, but he did not go far enough - which is why I have taken over. ===''If You're So Smart, Why Aren't You Rich?'' [1.40]=== :'''[[w:Riddler|Edward Nygma]]''': ''[Being cheated out of the sales of his game]'' You are a fool, Mockridge, to think you can get away with this! Your amoral greed is no match for an intellect like mine! :'''Mockridge''': Oh, yeah? Then tell me something, Eddie: if you're so smart, why aren't you ''rich?'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman reprograms the Hand of Fate, and uses it to carry himself and Robin to the centre of the maze]'' :'''Riddler''': That is grand-scale CHEATING, Batman! You're not allowed to tamper with the Hand of Fate! :'''Batman''': I don't believe in fate! :'''Riddler''': You probably don't believe in Minotaurs either, but you'll still have to answer the Riddle. :'''Minotaur Robot''': ''I have billions of eyes, yet I live in darkness. I have millions of ears, yet only four lobes. I have no muscles, yet I move two hemispheres. What am I?'' :'''Batman''': ''[pauses in thought]'' That's simple: the human brain. ''[The Minotaur backs away]'' It has billions of optic and auditory nerves, four lobes and two hemispheres, and it's the only thing Edward Nygma respects. :'''Riddler''': A lucky guess, that's all! But it won't save you, Batman! ''[to the Minotaur]'' DESTROY THEM! ===''Joker's Wild'' [1.41]=== :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[as Joker changes the channel in the TV]'' Hey, I was watching that! :'''Joker''': And now you're watching this! :'''Poison Ivy''': Change it back! :'''Joker''': Nope, nope, nope, nope, don't want to. :'''Poison Ivy''': Guard! :'''Security Guard''': What's the problem? :'''Joker''': Don't look now, Sonny Jim, but the plant lady's gone whackers again. :'''Poison Ivy''': He started it! I was just sitting here! :'''Joker''': That's right, you're always blaming me. And the children wonder why we fight! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...the Joker's Wild! :''[Cameron Kaiser cuts the ribbon and unveils a casino with a gigantic Joker head. He is seen spoken to by Summer Gleeson]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': Ugh, that is disgusting! :'''Cameraman''': Psst, Summer! We're on the air! :'''Summer Gleeson''': ''[mortified]'' Oh! Uh... there you have it! Let's get a reaction from the guests. Mr. Wayne? :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[equally nauseated]'' No comment. :'''Summer Gleeson''': Mr. Kaiser, why build a casino seemingly in honor of one of history's most notorious outlaws? :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Summer, please! Wild Joker is a classic symbol, long associated with cards and games. I can't help it if there's a some passing resemblance to some criminal fruitcake. :''[An enraged Joker smashes the television]'' :'''Joker''': How dare that smug, preening fool try to cash in on ''MY'' image! :'''Poison Ivy''': Now who should lighten up? :'''Joker''': Don't get cute with me, Red. He's ripping me off! I'll protest! Yeah! I'll sue! Then I'll rip his lungs out! And I will, too! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': It was a scheme worthy of ''me'', Kaiser, the way you got me riled up and turned me loose on this place! :'''Cameron Kaiser''': You...! You were supposed to destroy the casino! :'''Joker''': Yeah, but then I realized it'd be more fun to get rid of you and run the show myself! :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Bu-But you can't...! :'''Joker''': Oh please, Mr. Kaiser! You of all people should have realized there'd be a Joker in the deck! ''[laughs]'' ===''Tyger Tyger'' [1.42]=== :'''Dorian''': I want to test Tygrus' reflexes and feral strength, and who better to pit him against than you? I'll give you a generous head start before I release Tygrus. If you defeat him, I shall relinquish this, the antigen to reverse Catwoman's mutation. :'''Batman''': How do I know you'll keep your word? :'''Dorian''': You don't. The clock is ticking, Batman. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': So you ''can'' talk. :'''Tygrus''': My father taught me. :'''Batman''': Your father was a test tube. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': Batman! The antidote! I'll be stuck like this forever! :'''Tygrus''': Would that be so bad? You could stay here, with me. :'''Catwoman''': Oh, Tygrus... I can't live like this, I have to be human again. :'''Tygrus''': ''[sadly, taking her hands in his]'' Goodbye, Selina. :''[As he leaves, Catwoman sees that he has given here the serum. She looks overjoyed, then calls out to him]'' :'''Catwoman''': Wait - won't you come with us? There's nothing for you here. :'''Tygrus''': There's nothing for me anywhere. ''[disappears into the falling rain]'' :'''Batman''': ''[in voiceover]'' "[[w:The Tyger|Tyger Tyger burning bright, in the forests of the night: what immortal hand or eye, dare frame thy fearful symmetry?]]" ===''Moon Of The Wolf'' [1.43]=== :'''Professor Milo''': What you're suffering from is an early stage of lycanthropy, more commonly known as werewolfism; for that I have no treatment. However, advanced werewolfism can be cured. :'''Anthony Romulus''': ''[after a wolf howls, Anthony starts transforming]'' Ohhh, you fool! There's no telling what the werewolf might do! :'''Professor Milo''': Hey, ask me if I care. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Do me a favour, shaggy: stay down! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bullock''': No trace of Wolfie! We checked the shoreline for miles! But in four weeks, there's another full moon. Then we'll know for sure. ===''Day Of The Samurai'' [1.44]=== :''[Batman swoops away after rescuing his Sensei's student, Kairi]'' :'''Kairi''': ''[In Japanese]'' Spirit of the bat... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yoru''': If you see Batman, tell him I have great respect for him. :'''Bruce''': Why? He's as much a ninja as Kyodai was. :'''Yoru''': Not so. Batman offered to help his adversary, and a lesser man would have used the secrets of the Onemuri touch against his opponent. Batman is the essence of samurai, Wayne-san. You would do well to remember that. :'''Bruce''': ''[bows]'' Domo arigato, sensei. ===''Terror In The Sky'' [1.45]=== :'''Batman''': Reports of a huge bat creature the size of a man. Remind you of anybody? :'''Alfred''': Present company excluded? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You couldn't leave it alone, could you, March? You've recreated the mutagen. :'''March''': ''[aiming a tranquilizer rifle at him]'' Recreated it? I've ''refined'' it! At night, on my own, so the others wouldn't know. I still believe only a creature like a Man-Bat can survive the next evolutionary cataclysm - and it will! My new serum could be even more powerful than Kirk's! :'''Batman''': ''[after disarming March]'' "''Could'' be"? What do you mean? :'''March''': I needed to test it, but before I had the chance-- :'''Batman''': ''[clearly surprised]'' You mean you ''haven't'' taken it? :'''March''': Of course not! The experimental batch was destroyed. I'll have to-- :'''Batman''': Destroyed? How? :'''March''': I'd been working through the night. I was just completing the final combination. ''[remembers incident at his lab as he drops the beaker of mutagen upon Francine's surprise entry]'' Francine burst in. I was startled. You have to understand I was very tired, I accidentally dropped the beaker. The whole night's work, ruined! Francine never guessed what I was doing, she even helped me clean up the mess. All that... glass! ''[recalls Francine licking her finger after it is pricked by a small shard of glass]'' Oh... oh, my lord... Francine! The mutagen - it's in ''her'' bloodstream now! ''[breaks down at his folly as Batman loads a tranquilizer into a pistol of his and then gives March the formula paperwork]'' :'''Batman''': Is ''that'' what it's going to take? Your daughter's life, before you end this insanity? :''[Later that night, March burns the files]'' ===''Almost Got 'Im'' [1.46]=== :'''Joker''': I want a nice clean game, gentlemen. :'''Penguin''': That'll be a first. So, I hear 'you-know-who' nailed the Mad Hatter last week. :'''Joker''': No kidding. He sure gets around for one guy. :'''Two-Face''': Yeah, well that's where you're wrong. I don't think it IS one guy. :'''[[w:Killer Croc|Killer Croc]]''': Huh? :'''Two-Face''': The way I figure it, Gordon's got a bunch of 'em stashed someplace like a SWAT team. He wants you to think it's one guy, but- :'''Joker''': Meh. You're always seeing double. :'''Penguin''': It's obvious our caped friend suffered some crime-related trauma when he was younger. Perhaps an over-anxious mugger blew off a piece of his face. :'''Joker''': Sure! He could be all gross and disgusting under that mask! ''[as Two-Face crushes a milk carton]'' Uh, no offense, Harv. :'''Two-Face''': Just deal. :'''Killer Croc''': Well, ya know what ''I'' think? :'''Joker''': Not the robot theory again... :'''Killer Croc''': Well, he COULD be. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Two-Face''': Poison Ivy... :'''Poison Ivy''': It's been a long time Harvey. You're still looking...halfway decent. :'''Two-Face''': Half of me wants to strangle ya. :'''Poison Ivy''': And what's the other part want? :'''Two-Face''': To hit you with a truck! :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[to the others]'' We used to date. :'''Penguin/Joker''': Ah. ===''Birds Of A Feather'' [1.47]=== :'''[[w:Penguin (comics)|Penguin]]''': Say, who's there? Two-Face? Croc? Joker, old shoe? :'''Batman''': None of the above, Penguin. :'''Penguin''': Oh no, not you... :'''Batman''': Get used to it. Wherever you go, I'll be right behind you. :'''Penguin''': Precisely where you belong. But you needn't bother. Haven't you heard? I've reformed. Paid my debt to society, and all that. :'''Batman''': We'll see. I just came to tell you to keep your beak clean. :'''Penguin''': ''[grabs a can of rat poison]'' As long as you're here, won't you stay for a cappuccino? :''[Batman gives him an annoyed look before leaving]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Batman defeats a gang of thugs threatening the Penguin and Veronica]'' :'''Batman''': I knew you couldn't stay clean for more than one day. :'''Veronica''': Let him go! He didn't do anything. It was those brutes! :'''Batman''': ''[genuinely surprised]'' He wasn't with them? :'''Penguin''': That's right, you vulgar vigilante! In my day, I associated with a much higher class of riff-raff! :'''Veronica''': I'm so sorry, Ozzie. :'''Penguin''': As long as you weren't bruised, my peach. ''[kisses her hand]'' :'''Batman''': "Peach"? :'''Penguin''': Why don't you be a good masked man and ride off into the night? This time, ''I'll'' clean up after ''you.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Veronica''': Please, Oswald! If it's money you want, I can get you more! :'''Penguin''': ''SHUT UP!'' All I wanted from ''you'', dearie, was a little friendship. That would have cost you ''nothing.'' But now you'll pay! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Veronica''': Oswald? I really was growing fond of you. It's too bad this had to happen. :'''Penguin''': ''[coldly]'' I suppose it's true what they say: society is to blame. ''High'' society. ===''What Is Reality?'' [1.48]=== :'''Batman''': "Where does a 500 pound gorilla sleep?" "What's worse than a millipede with flat feet?" "How do you stuff five elephants into a compact car?" :'''Alfred''': Anywhere it wants, a giraffe with a sore throat, and two in the front seat, two in the back, and one in the trunk. :'''Batman''': Yeah, yeah. I know, I know. Any schoolboy knows those. But brain teasers are the Riddler's M.O. Not corny old jokes like these. :'''Alfred''': Perhaps the questions are the clues, not the answers. For example, they all seem to involve animals. :'''Batman''': Also numbers. A ''500'' pound gorilla. A millipede, meaning a thousand legs. And five elephants. Now let's convert them to Roman numerals. ''[he does, revealing the letters DMV]'' Look! :'''Alfred''': DMV... :'''Batman and Alfred''': Department of Motor Vehicles! :'''Alfred''': But I recall you mentioning he'd already obliterated his records there, so why return? :'''Batman''': For the hard copy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no tales. :'''Batman''': Another riddle, Nygma? :''[Four quarters and a single penny emerge from the return change chute]'' :'''Riddler''': It all makes sense when you add it up! :''[In the Batmobile]'' :'''Alfred''': Four quarters and a penny, sir? :'''Batman''': Penny... Penny... Cent... Red cent... Copper. It's made of copper. :'''Alfred''': And "copper" is another word for a policeman. :'''Batman''': And "no tails" would be heads. Police head... Quarters! :'''Alfred''': Police Headquarters. Bravo, sir! It does make "cents" when you add it up! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': He can't be online! I searched through every file. :'''Riddler''': You searched the software. Had you bothered to examine the hardware you would have discovered a cordless modem line. :'''Riddler''': A pity you can't earn extra lives in this game.Quite an experience being riddled with questions, isn't it, Batman :'''Robin''': Batman don't open that door Crazy Intent means Loco Motion! Batman finds himself on a chessboard: :'''Riddler''':Only Batman can put the King in check and you have to move according to the rules or its the end of the day :'''Robin''':They call you the dark Knight..so you have to move like a knight (If Batman fails to move as a knight it'll be "KNightfall" (!) :'''Riddler''':Careful, vigilante, you know what they say, "Curiosity killed the Bat". :'''Batman''': Can you solve it? :'''Robin''': Are you kidding? You're looking at the guy who solved the Baxter's Box puzzle in 37 seconds! Course, this time I don't have a sledge hammer... After escaping Riddler Virtual realty Traps, Batman tries to rescue Gordon from Riddler :'''Batman''': You may control this world, Nygma, but I still control myself! :'''Riddler''': The name is "Riddler"! Edward Nygma doesn't exist anymore! You may recall that he was once fired by an ungrateful employer! That was a private matter and was meant to remain one! :'''Batman''': Attempted homicide is never a "private matter", Nygma! :'''Riddler''': No, but it would have been if you hadn't interfered and turned Edward Nygma into a fugitive! So I deleted Nygma. Just as I'm about to delete you, Batman. :'''Batman''':Tell me this.. Riddler how can you spread your conscious thirty-two times..and still have the concentration to keep your world together? YOU CAN'T! Batman saves Gordon :'''Riddler''': No....NO..... I can escape that easy...but if the Planet was equitable...I'd still have my old Job....No...wait...I'M ...not Ready.....AHHHHH' :'''Gordon''': But we'll never find him :'''Batman''': I think he left us a clue..."If the planet were equitable, I'd still have my old job". :'''Robin''': Of course. If the "World's Fair," I'd still have my "Ex-position". Oh, give me a break. [Batman, Robin and Gordon find Riddler mind trapped in his virtual realty world] :'''Batman''': Looks like he didn't escape his virtual reality in time. :'''Robin''': You mean he's been trapped inside his own program? :'''Batman''': Could be and how to get him out may be a riddle no one can solve. ===''I Am The Night'' [1.49]=== :'''Batman''': A weary body can be dealt with. But a weary spirit? That's something else. Sometimes, old friend, I wonder if I'm really doing any good out there. :'''Alfred''': How can you doubt it? The lives you've saved, the criminals you've brought to justice-- :'''Batman''': I've put out a few fires, yes. Won a few battles. But the war goes on, Alfred. On and on... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Leslie Thompkins''': You seem quieter than usual tonight. :'''Batman''': Every year, I come here and wonder if it should be the last time. If I should put the past behind me, try to lead a normal life. :'''Dr. Thompkins''': [[George Santayana|Santayana]] says, "Those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it." :'''Batman''': He also said a fanatic is someone who redoubles his efforts while losing sight of his goal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I chose this life. I use the night - I ''became'' the night. Sooner or later, I'll go down. It might be the Joker, or Two-Face, or just some punk who gets lucky. My decision, no regrets. But I can't let anyone else pay for my mistakes. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': "[[Friedrich Nietzsche|When you look too long into the abyss, the abyss looks back through you.]]" Maybe it's time for Batman to return to the night that spawned him, before anyone else gets hurt! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[grabs Wizard]'' Up to your old tricks, I see. How about returning that suitcase to its owner? :'''Wizard''': Hey, man, I ''am'' the owner. :''[Batman, surprised, lets him go]'' :'''Wizard''': Y'know, I was kinda hoping I'd run into you. I'd been in those places like where you left me before. Heard the rap, wasn't impressed. But this time, it made sense. Maybe I was ready to hear it. So I'm heading back home. I guess I kinda owe it to you, Batman. You probably saved my life. I'll bet you hear this all the time. Look, I'm gonna miss my bus, I'll see you around. And... thanks. :''[Batman smiles as he watches Wizard leave]'' ===''Off Balance'' [1.50]=== :'''[[w:Talia al Ghul|Talia]]''': My contact lenses! I lost them when we fell! They counter the distortion effect. Without them, I'm as helpless as you. :'''Batman''': I don't do helpless. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Ra's al Ghul|Ra's al Ghul]]''': So even in defeat, the detective manages to achieve some small measure of victory. As you said, detective: this is not over. ===''The Man Who Killed Batman'' [1.51]=== :'''Joker''': You know, there's just one thing bothering me about your story, Sid. No body. No BATUS DELECTI so to speak. We need to pull a job tonight just to make sure. :'''Murphy, Joker's henchman''': Make sure what, boss? :'''Joker''': ''[surprised by Murphy's question]'' Why that old Batsy's bought the cave of course, and one more thing Murphy.....''[turning more annoyed]'' don't ask stupid questions. ''[pushes Murphy to the hyenas who scratch and lick him crazily, to Joker's satisfaction]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': I'll get the mop. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': When the cops come, stall them for awhile, just until Batman arrives. '' Got it?'' :'''Henchman''': Right, boss. :'''Joker''': ''[to Murphy, still scarred from the hyenas]'' Any questions, Murph? :'''Murphy''': No sir! :'''Joker''': ''[to Sid The Squid]'' Good man. And if Batman hasn't ''really'' gone to his final reward, ''we'll'' see that he gets there! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Dear friends... today is the day the Clown cried. And he cries not for the passing of one man, but for the death of a dream. The dream that he would someday taste the ultimate victory over his hated enemy. For it was the Batman who made me the happy soul I am today. How I agonized over the perfect way to thank him for that. Perhaps with a cyanide pie in the face. Or an exploding whoopie-cushion playfully planted in the Batmobile. But those dreams were dashed by the weaselly little gunsel sitting there in our midst. The cowardly insignificant gonif who probably got lucky when Batman slipped on the slime trail this loser left behind him. This mound of diseased hyena filth who's not fit to lick the dirt from my spats...! But I digress. The time for sorrow has passed. It's time to look to a future filled with smiles. And I'll be smiling again just as soon as we take that man THERE...and slap him in that box THERE...and roll him into that vat of acid THERE! Well that was fun...who's for Chinese?! ===''Mudslide'' [1.52]=== :'''Clayface''': ''[After civilians flee in terror upon seeing his true form]'' That's right, run! Run for your measly lives! Run from Clayface! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Clayface''': You've upstaged me for the last time, Batman. Time to bring down the curtain! ===''Paging The Crime Doctor'' [1.53]=== :'''Rupert Thorne''': You think you iced the Batman, huh? Heh heh heh... Not on your best day, Jake! I'd cover my back if I were you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce Wayne''': Bruce Wayne, Dr. Thorne. Thomas Wayne's son. Did you get my letter? :'''[[w:Joseph Campanella|Matthew Thorne]]''': Yes. Thomas Wayne... :'''Bruce Wayne''': I told you I can help with your legal costs, maybe even put in a good word with the judge. :'''Matthew Thorne''': Yes, but what do you get out of it? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Well, there is something you can do for me. :'''Matthew Thorne''': I knew it! I knew there'd be a catch. Sorry, Mr. Wayne. Matthew Thorne is no longer for sale! :'''Bruce Wayne''': I'm not looking for any illegal favors. :'''Matthew Thorne''': What then? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Something you know. Something only you can give me. ''[pause]'' Tell me about my father. :''[Dr. Thorne grins and camera pans out as he ushers Bruce to resume his seat]'' ===''Zatanna'' [1.54]=== :'''[[w:Zatanna|Zatanna]]''': What do you care about some leggy dame in nylons- or have I just answered my own question? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zatanna''': ''[About Batman's mask]'' What happened that made you put this on? :'''Batman''': A painful memory, and a promise. ===''The Mechanic'' [1.55]=== :'''The Penguin''': ''[furious at his men for stealing the wrong stamps by mistake]'' These are terrible! Terrible! :'''Eagleton''': ''[indignant]'' Come on, boss. Give me a break. We got you the stamps. What more do you want? :'''The Penguin''': ''[tossing the worthless stamps angrily]'' I wanted the rare ones! The reversed Audubons! These aren't worth enough to pay for the repairs to the limousine. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Earl Cooper''': ''[sees the damaged Batmobile]'' You been letting the kid drive again? :'''Robin''': Ha ha. Actually we were playing chicken with a penguin. :'''Batman''': Or three of his men. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Penguin is scrubbing license plates in prison]'' :'''Penguin''': ''[reading one]'' "1 BAT 4U"?! ''[breaks it in anger]'' ===''Harley and Ivy'' [1.56]=== :'''Joker''': NO, we didn't get the diamond! The Dork Knight showed up before we even got to the museum! I had a great shot at him, too. Except... my dear little Harley Quinn handed me the wrong gun! :'''Harley Quinn''': But puddin', it was kinda funny watching you shoot at him with the bang flag! ''[Rocco and Henshaw can't help laughing then stifle it as the Joker glares at them]'' :'''Joker''': ''[turning back to Harley]'' Funny? You presume to tell me what I should think is funny?!? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[Poison Ivy trips the alarm, spoiling and hers and Harley Quinn's separate robberies]'' Nice going, butterfingers! Why not turn on the Bat-Signal while you're at it? :'''Poison Ivy''': I wasn't TRYING to get caught! :'''Harley Quinn''': Could've fooled me! Hey, aren't you that plant lady Poison Oakie? :'''Poison Ivy''': Ivy! Poison IVY, not Oakie! :'''Harley Quinn''': Sorry! Harley Quinn, please to meet ya! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Poison Ivy is about to give an injection to Harley Quinn]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': I hate shots! I hate shots! :'''Poison Ivy''': Now, now. You're not immune to poison like I am, and you won't last ten minutes here in Toxic Acres without my antidote. ''[gives the injection]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': Oooh! Whew, you'd think after livin' with Mr. J, I'd be used to a little pain. :'''Poison Ivy''': Why do you put up with that clown? :'''Harley Quinn''': Don't get me wrong. My puddin's a little rough sometimes, but he loves me, really. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[sarcastically]'' Sure he does. You're just one big, forgiving doormat, aren't you? :'''Harley Quinn''': I am NOT a doormat! ...Am I? :'''Poison Ivy''': If you had a middle name, it would be Welcome. But cheer up, kid. You just need some lessons in good old female self-esteem. In other words, let's play with the boys on ''our'' terms. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': That should keep you big strong men busy while we weak little girls loot your trophy room. :'''Harley Quinn''': Gee, Ives, you got style! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[sighs softly]'' No offense, Ives, but I'm not very hungry. Somehow I don't feel like my old perky self. Something's missing. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[angrily slams her form on Harley's plate]'' Will you stop?! I can't believe you're still mooning over that psychotic creep! :'''Harley Quinn''': Well, maybe I'd feel better if I knew he missed me, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': HARLEY!!! This place is going to blinking blue blazes! Anybody seen my socks?! '''HARLEY!!!''' ''[the hyenas snarl at Joker]'' OH!! They snapped at me! What's going on, Rock? This place is a mess, no one's fed the hyenas and I can't find my socks! Where's Harley?! :'''Rocko''': Y-y-ya canned her, boss. Remember? :'''Joker''': So? She's always come back before. :'''Rocko''': Gee... I guess ya ain't seen the papers then. :'''Joker''': Papers?! What are you babbling about?! ''[snatches the newspaper from Rocko and reads an article of Harley's partnership with Poison Ivy]'' '''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!''''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[to Poison Ivy]'' I remember when I would go driving like this with Mr. J. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[imitating Harley Quinn]'' "Mr. J, Mr. J." Oh, change the record, Harl! You wanna be some wacko's victim the rest of your life?! ===''Shadow Of The Bat Part 1'' [1.57]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[indignant after reading about James Gordon's arrest]'' We'll see about this. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara Gordon]]''': So Batman can't help me? Fine. Let's see what Batgirl can do! ===''Shadow Of The Bat Part 2'' [1.58]=== :'''Two-Face''': Don't get wise with me, Mason. Remember who got you set up as Gordon's assistant? :'''Gil Mason''': Right, Harvey, right. :'''Two-Face''': ''[grabs him]'' Don't call me that! It's TWO-FACE to you, pretty boy! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I should've known it would be Two-Face. It's a perfect two-part plan. He consolidates the gangs while Mason takes over the police. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Gil Mason is about to murder James Gordon to become commissioner, and later mayor]'' :'''Gil Mason''': It's business, Jim. Nothing personal. Matter of fact, I respect you, I do. But a fellow has to take his opportunities where he finds them. And with you out of the way, I'll be mayor inside of a year! :'''Gordon''': You're SICK, Gil! ''[glances at Two-Face]'' A lot sicker than him! At least I can see his bad half! :'''Mason''': Sorry you feel that way. At least you won't have to worry about Barbara. I'll take good care of her. She's very fond of me, you know. :'''Gordon''': You piece of scum! I may not be able to stop you, but I know someone who will! :'''Mason''': I wouldn't get your hopes up. You see, there's been a recent decline in the bat population... ===''Blind As A Bat'' [1.59]=== :'''Penguin''': Your aim appears to be a little off today, Batman. I don't think you could hit the broad side of a barn, let alone the broad side of this bird! You're blind as a bat. Sightless and helpless. :'''Batman''': You've got ''one'' right. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': You have a call on your private line. :'''Bruce''': Then let's go! :'''Alfred''': In your condition, sir? :'''Bruce''': If you think a little inconvenience like this is going to stop me... :''[he knocks over a lamp]'' :'''Alfred''': Indeed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': ''[contacting Mayor Hill's office from the Raven]'' Quite a machine, this Raven. Amazing what its communications equipment can do. Don't you agree? You've received my instructions? :'''Mayor Hill''': They arrived by messenger this morning. You know, one-hundred million is a a lot of money. It'll take time to raise that much. :'''Penguin''': You're stalling, Hill. Obviously, you're not taking me seriously. I've warned you not to make that mistake. Apparently, I'll have to show you why. :''[shuts off communication and Hill angrily snaps his pencil in half]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Hill''': Just what I was afraid of. According to the controller's office, we can't come close to putting that ransom together. Not without shutting down basic municipal services. :'''Detective Bullock''': So what other options do we got? :'''Batman''': ''[emerging from the shadows]'' None, gentlemen. Which is why you're going to do exactly what the Penguin wants you to. ===''The Demon's Quest Part 1'' [1.60]=== :'''Ra's al Ghul''': As [[W:Napoleon|Napoleon]] told me, "A strong will can fuel a frail physique." <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Look at it, detective. One of the last of the rainforests. The world depends upon its oxygen, yet the rich see only profit in its destruction. You, who belong to the overclass, have much to answer for. :'''Batman''': Bruce Wayne donates millions of dollars a year to preserve these forests. :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Which are being depleted at the rate of 120,000 acres a day. Does your money solve this problem? No! It will take more than wealth. It will take power, and I fear, ruthlessness. Humankind must be forced to serve the planet instead of its own appetites. :'''Batman''': And you're the one who'll do the forcing? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': I am... qualified, yes. But I may not have sufficient lifetimes left to me. ===''The Demon's Quest Part 2'' [1.61]=== :'''Ubu''': Infidel! :'''Batman''': If you only knew how sick I am of you calling me that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ra's al Ghul''': The material of the Pit is an unknown chemical stew that bubbles to the Earth's surface only in certain key places. Even now, my people are placing bombs, such as that one, over the various Lazarus Pits around the world. These bombs are electronically linked to a private satellite already in Earth orbit. :'''Batman''': ''Orpheus''. :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Precisely. And at the moment when sun and moon are in proper alignment to cause the greatest upheaval in Earth's geomagnetic field, I shall send a signal to that satellite, beginning a countdown. Five minutes thereafter, one bomb will be lowered deep into the heart of each Pit. The satellite will in turn relay a microwave signal that will detonate all the bombs simultaneously. The multiple explosions will result in a global chain reaction. All the Lazarus Pits throughout the world will overflow. The globe will be saturated with their chemical solution, and when the resultant cataclysm has abated, there will come a blessed peace, and this poor, defiled planet shall find itself restored to its former pristine glory. :'''Batman''': But that will cost countless lives! :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Actually, Detective, we ''have'' counted: Two billion, fifty-six million, nine hundred and eighty-six thousand! A most impressive plan, would you not agree? :'''Batman''': Yes... I can see it clearly now for the first time. You are completely out of your mind. ===''His Silicon Soul'' [1.62]=== :'''Rossum''': You don't understand. You're not a man's mind in a robot's body. You're a robot. Period. :'''Bat-Duplicant''': You're lying! It's not possible! I know my family and friends! I remember names, faces, birthdays! I have memories! A past! :'''Rossum''': You have information. Data. Nothing more. Do you remember your first kiss? Your favorite song? The last time you tasted a really good steak? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[about the duplicant]'' Could it be it had a soul, Alfred? A soul of silicon, but a soul nonetheless. ===''Fire From Olympus'' [1.63]=== :'''Stavros''': Please! It's not what you think. I wasn't going to say anything. Honest! :'''[[w:Maxie Zeus|Maximillion "Maxie" Zeus]]''': Silence! First, you transgress against me. Then, you force me to descend to the mortal plane. And now, you tell me I know not what I think?! :'''Stavros''': No! :'''Zeus''': To the depths of Tartarus with you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zeus''': You bore me with these tales of petty human concerns. :'''Clio''': ''[annoyed]'' You're doing it again, Max. :'''Zeus''': You are Clio, my muse of history. Amuse me with tales of ancient times when mortals trembled at the name of Zeus. :'''Clio''': You want a story? I got one. Seems there was this guy named Max who, because he'd been lucky so far in the smuggling racket, believed himself to be untouchable, superior, godlike... :'''Zeus''': There's a cynical edge to your voice I don't appreciate. Know you not, I am above mortal constraints of right and wrong? :'''Clio''': No one is above the law, Max. :'''Zeus''': I make my own laws! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zeus''': Begone, Lord [[w:Hades|Hades]]. Get thee back to thine own realm. Do not come again to Olympus until bidden! :'''Batman''': I think I get the message. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Clio''': ''[telling Batman about Zeus]'' He wasn't always this way, you know. But then business got bad and he started handling cargo for the mob. After a while, with the pressure, the tension... things got confused. He's not living in the real world anymore. ''[awkwardly]'' Maybe you can relate to that? :'''Batman''': ''[after a short silence]'' You're the only one who can get me close enough to help him - while some of the man you knew still exists. ===''Read My Lips'' [1.64]=== :'''Batman''': How do you think I found this place? The phone book? I had help. ''Inside'' help. :'''[[w:Ventriloquist (comics)|Scarface]]''': My premonition! I knew I was right! Which one of you louses is it?! :'''Rhino''': It ain't me boss! :'''Scarface''': I know it ain't you, Rhino! You're too stupid to be a traitor! :'''Rhino''': Thanks, boss. :'''Scarface''': But whoever it is, they're gonna pay big time! Who is it?! You don't talk, you get the ultimate massage! :'''Batman''': And if I tell? :'''Scarface''': Maybe you just get run over by a truck. :'''Batman''': Tempting, but no. :'''Scarface''': Have it your way. Rhino! :''[Rhino gets ready to pull the lever to lower Batman to a pit of mannequins with razor-sharp fingernails]'' :'''Batman''': Hold it! :'''Scarface''': This is gettin' old, Bats. Last chance, who's the traitor? :'''Batman''': Him! The Ventriloquist! :''[everyone glares at the Ventriloquist]'' :'''Ventriloquist''': No, no! He's lying! I told you when he came into my room! :'''Scarface''': So what? Maybe you did 'cause I had ya cornered. Heard ya talkin' to Batman. :'''Batman''': ''[uses his own ventriloquism to imitate the Ventriloquist]'' Shut up, you blockhead! :'''Scarface''': WHAT DID YOU SAY?! :'''Ventriloquist''': It wasn't me! I didn't say that! My lips didn't move! :'''Scarface''': So what?! You're a ventriloquist! You're also a lyin' yellow liver-bellied two-face! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, Scarface! I'm loyal! I'd never! :'''Batman''': He's been feeding me information, in return for legal protection. ''[imitates the Ventriloquist again]'' You're going up the river, sawdust-for-brains! :'''Scarface''': Why, I oughta...! Waste the floor-flusher! Come on, I gave an order! ICE HIM! DO IT! DO IT NOW! :'''Muggsy''': But, boss, we ventilate the Ventriloquist, your, y'know... :'''Scarface''': I'M SURROUNDED BY TRAITORS! Okay, fine. Ya want something done right, do it yourself! ''[aims his gun at the Ventriloquist]'' ===''The Worry Men'' [1.65]=== :'''Veronica''': If ever someone led a worry-free life, it's you, Bruce Wayne. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce''': Tell me, Alfred: what's an ancient Mayan witch doctor doing on a Gotham skyscraper? :'''Alfred''': This isn't one of those Riddler questions, is it? :'''Bruce''': No, but it's just as confusing. <hr width="50%"/> :''[As Batman attempts to escape from his guillotine]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Oh, you're a clever one! But I will not be denied! As the great [[w:Lewis Carroll|Lewis Carroll]] said: "[[w:Jabberwocky|One, two, one, two, and through and through the vorpal blade went snicker-snack! He left it dead, and with its head, he went galumphing back!]]" <hr width="50%"/> :''[Freed from his mind control, the Mad Hatter's jaguar gang turn on him]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Stop! :'''Shaman''': Yes, stop. Leave him to the police. :'''Mad Hatter''': Thank you. Thank you, you generous, forgiving, ''[draws a gun from his hat]'' noble fool! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': I must say, after all the Hatter put him through, that fellow showed remarkable restraint. :'''Bruce''': When everything was said and done, all the shaman really wanted was to go home. In fact, I hear he even sent the Hatter a farewell gift. :''[The Hatter is seen tossing and turning in bed in Arkham]'' :'''Bruce''': Something to ensure that Jervis Tetch only dreams of a good honest life from now on. :''[A Batman doll is revealed from under the Hatter's pillow]'' ==Season 2== ===''Sideshow'' [2.1]=== :'''Killer Croc''': You know, there's something the brains back at the joint didn't think about. :'''Prison Guard''': Yeah, what's that? :'''Killer Croc''': Crocodile's got the strongest jaws of any animal around. ''[bites his handcuffs in half]'' :'''Prison Guard''': ''[spits the coffee out of his mouth and pins Croc with the shotgun]'' Get back! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman arrives with his shadow. Goliath wakes up and Batman covers Goliath's mouth by calming him down]'' :'''Batman''': Calm down, I won't hurt you. I'm just looking for someone: half man, half crocodile. ''[Goliath looks over worriedly]'' He's in there, isn't he? :'''Goliath''': ''[Pushes Batman to the cage]'' No! Stay away! ''[Holds him against it]'' He's one of us. Croc, run! :'''Batman''': ''[Kicks Goliath into the stomach]'' I don't wanna hurt you. :'''Goliath''': Don't worry, you won't. ''[Hits Batman with the big punch and Batman and Goliath starts fighting]'' :'''Killer Croc''': ''[Comes out of the house]'' You. ''[Gives Batman a spear]'' :'''Billy''': Richard, help! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Billy the Seal Boy''': Why, Croc? Why'd you turn on us like that? We could have helped you, we could have done something. :'''Killer Croc''': You said you can be yourself out here, remember? Well, I guess that's what I was doing - being myself. ===''A Bullet For Bullock'' [2.2]=== :'''Bullock''': Let's get something straight from the get-go. I think you're a freak and a menace, and those are your ''good'' points. But the commish says you serve a purpose, so I go along. :'''Batman''': I appreciate your honesty. What's the problem? :'''Bullock''': Somebody's got it in for me. Tried to give me a fender massage last night. It ain't the first time. Last week too. :'''Batman''': Any suspects? :'''Bullock''': So many, they could have their own zip code. I've put a lot of guys away, and they hate me for it. Looks like one of them hates me enough to do something about it. :'''Batman''': Why me? Why not just go to the department? :'''Bullock''': I step on a lot of toes. I don't want Internal Affairs looking at me too close. They might find some things I don't want found. :'''Batman''': Are you on the take? :'''Bullock''': Watch it, freak! I never took a dime from nobody! I just bend the rules a little sometimes, you understand. We're not all that different. :'''Batman''': We're on the same side, but we're ''not'' the same. I'll help you find out who's after you, but you've got to collar them clean. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': We ''are'' speaking of the same person, are we not? Harvey Bullock? The detective who looks like an unmade bed? :'''Batman''': The same. :'''Alfred''': He came to ''you'' for help? It must be serious. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Montoya''': Bullock? You okay? You don't look so good. I mean, you never look good, but today you look worse. :'''Bullock''': After fifteen years working in this cesspool, I'd like to see how good ''you'' look! <hr width="50%"/> :''[In the Batmobile]'' :'''Bullock''': Nice starship you got here. What's this for? ''[points towards a button]'' :'''Batman''': Passenger ejector seat. :''[Bullock withdraws nervously, while Batman smirks slightly]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bullock''': By the way, I still think you're a freak, but... thanks. ===''Trial'' [2.3]=== :'''Two-Face''': Basic fifty-fifty option. You get him off, you both go free. He goes down, you take the fall with him. :'''Mad Hatter''': Amusing idea, what? Kidnapping you to be Batman's attorney? :'''Two-Face''': Personally, I suggested a quick slug between the eyes... but I lost the coin toss. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarface''': Court is now in session! The Good People of Arkham Asylum vs. the Self-Righteous Vigilante Called Batman! Our prosecutor is ready, likewise our fair and impartial jury. :'''Mad Hatter''': Hang him! :'''Harley''': Shoot him! :'''Killer Croc''': Hit him with a rock! :'''Scarface''': And now, all rise for the most honorable, most benevolent, most merciful Judge Joker! :'''Joker''': GUILTY! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I was promised a chance to defend my client! :'''Joker''': Oh, very well. Like it'll make a difference. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I suppose that you, like your friends, claim that Batman ''drove'' you to be a criminal? :'''Mad Hatter''': He did. :'''Janet Van Dorn''': And yet, as I recall in your case, you brainwashed and kidnapped a woman who rejected you. :'''Mad Hatter''': Batman forced me to do it! He was going to take her away from me! I had no choice! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': You could have respected her wishes and left her alone. :'''Mad Hatter''': I'D HAVE KILLED HER FIRST! ''[gasps and covers his mouth, then turns to the Joker]'' I'd like that last statement stricken from the record, please. :'''Joker''': Record? Is someone supposed to be writing this down? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': And so it's Batman's fault you lead a life of crime? :'''Poison Ivy''': He should have let me bump off Harvey Dent. We'd all have been better off - wouldn't we, Harv? :'''Two-Face''': ''[muttering while flipping his coin]'' Why, you rotten little... :'''Janet Van Dorn''': But Miss Isley, isn't the real motivation for your crimes your obsession with plants? That you prefer them to people? :'''Poison Ivy''': I love plants, honey, but a rose is a rose. :'''Janet Van Dorn''': Then it doesn't bother you when someone, let's say the judge here, ''[plucks the flower from the Joker's robe]'' ruthlessly ''plucks'' a defenceless flower from the warm green earth? :'''Poison Ivy''': No! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': Even knowing he's given it his death sentence? That its petals must die? ''[starts pulling its petals out]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': Stop it...! :'''Poison Ivy''': One by one, withering, falling. One by one till it's all gone, ''honey.'' :''[She crushes the flower so that it crumbles apart. Ivy shrieks with rage and attacks her, and the Scarecrow and Mad Hatter rush in to restrain her]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Miss Ivy, please! :'''Scarface''': You look beautiful when you're angry. :''[Ivy smacks the Ventriloquist in the face, and Scarface laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I used to believe Batman was responsible for you people. But now I see nearly everyone here would have ended up exactly the same, Batman or not. Oh, the gimmicks might be different, but you'd all be out there in some form or another bringing misery to Gotham. The truth is, ''you'' created ''him.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Well done, counsellor. You've proven that Batman ''didn't'' create us - that we, in fact, messed up our own rotten lives! And as we are so rotten, vile and depraved... we're going to waste you anyway! :''[The inmates cheer and close in on Batman and Janet]'' :'''Joker''': [[w:Porky Pig|A-bi-a-bi-a-bi, that's all, folks!]] ''[bangs down a rubber chicken]'' Let's mambo! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I see now there's a need for the things you do. But I'm still going to work towards a city that doesn't need Batman. :'''Batman''': ''[smiling]'' Me too. ===''Avatar'' [2.4]=== :'''Lucius Fox''': Without a doubt, this will be one of the best museum exhibitions Gotham City has ever seen. You can be quite the humanitarian on occasion, Bruce. It's commendable. It's inspiring. :'''Bruce''': It's deductible. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce''': You've got a serious priority problem, Ra's. What can be in that tomb that's more valuable than the love of your daughter? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Power, detective. The power once held by almighty Thoth-Khepera, Queen of Two Continents. :'''Bruce''': You surprise me, Ra's. The world's oldest chauvinist chasing after a woman? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Thoth-Khepera was not simply a woman, detective, nor merely a ruler. Through her flowed the power of the gods. With no more than a gesture, she controlled the force of life and death, and with it, she kept a nation under her thumb for one thousand years. :'''Bruce''': You sound like a bad Saturday afternoon serial, Ra's. This is sheer nonsense. :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': No, detective - I know there is a power there to be tapped! My six hundred years of life are proof of that power. :''[Bruce and Talia are trapped in a glass booth]'' :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Farewell, detective. Farewell, Talia. It is said that one finds one's immortality in one's offspring. Alas, I know that to be a lie. ===''House and Garden'' [2.5]=== :'''Batman''': She's done nothing more incriminating than return an overdue video - even paid the late fee. :'''Alfred''': Could it be Ivy truly has reformed? :'''Batman''': I want to believe it. Why can't I? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You haven't changed a bit. :'''Poison Ivy''': Yes, I have. I meant it when I said I wanted a family that loves me. I just wanted it on my terms. :'''Robin''': Lady, you're nuts! :'''Poison Ivy''': Well, that's ''your'' opinion. Probably the last one you'll ever have, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': I'm just sorry she got away. :'''Batman''': Me too, Robin. But I don't think we'll see her again anytime soon. :''[The real Ivy is shown escaping on a plane out of Gotham, looking through a scrapbook]'' :'''Batman''': Ivy lost everything she had, everything she said she ever wanted. For what it's worth, I believed her when she told me that for the first time in her life... she was happy. :''[Ivy sheds tears as she looks at a photo of her wedding]'' ===''The Terrible Trio'' [2.6]=== :'''Warren''': Is this all you do for kicks, Bruce? Charity work? :'''Bruce''': Well, I do have a night life. Pull! ''[shoots down a clay pigeon]'' Besides, it's important to help others. It may sound corny, but hey, it's how I feel. :'''Warren''': You must recognize that you are a superior animal, Bruce. A member of the elite. Pull! ''[shoots down another clay pigeon]'' Take my Delta brothers and me. Why, we've run with the bulls! :'''Armand''': Shot game from hot air balloons! :'''Gunther''': Killed a great white! :'''Warren''': We've done it all. Ah, therein lies the problem. After all, what do the rajas do when there are no more tigers to hunt? :'''Bruce''': I'm sure you'll think of something, Warren. ''[leaves]'' :'''Warren''': Dollar for dollar, that has to be the dullest man in Gotham City. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Scoundrels like these are worse than the Joker. At least he's got madness as an excuse! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Let's go, Fox. You've raided your last chicken coop. :'''Warren''': Wait, wait a minute! We can make a deal! A million dollars to let me go! ''Ten'' million! Think about it. Buys a lot of Batarangs! :'''Batman''': ''[unimpressed]'' Your money's no good here. :'''Warren''': Okay, fine! Go ahead, take me in, hero! I've got every judge in town in my pocket! You'll see! I'll get justice! The best that money can buy! :''[Next, Warren is seen being ushered into a cell at Stonegate, where his burly new cellmate gives him a menacing look]'' ===''Harlequinade'' [2.7]=== :'''Harley''': ''[in handcuffs]'' I sense a lack of trust. :'''Robin''': Are you sure you don't need help keeping Zippy under control? :''[Harley picks the lock on her cuffs while Batman speaks]'' :'''Batman''': I'm fine. Besides, I need you to be ready if Gordon's men get any leads. I'll signal if there's trouble. :'''Robin''': You got it. :'''Harley''': I wanna listen to the radio! ''[reaches for the controls]'' :'''Batman''': DON'T--! :''[Harley Quinn deploys a parachute, causing the Batmobile to swerve wildly. When the Batmobile stops, Batman is furious]'' :'''Harley''': ''[timidly]'' Oops... :'''Batman''': Listen, and listen good. You don't touch anything, say anything, or DO ANYTHING UNLESS I TELL YOU! GOT IT?! :'''Harley''': Yes, sir. :'''Batman''': ''[turns away, Harley begins making faces at him]'' So far, Joker hasn't been seen in any of his old hideouts. I want you to show me the last place he used when he escaped. ''[catches her making a face, which she replaces with a sheepish grin]'' :'''Harley''': Okay! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Instead of taking you, the cops, and the Batman down separately? I'm gonna blast you all at once! ''[takes out his phone and speaks into it]'' Send down the plane, boys! We're blowing town! Literally. ''[gets off the phone]'' :'''Mayor''': But all those innocent people... :'''Joker''': Some joke on them, eh? Think of it as the ultimate punchline! Ha ha ha ha ha! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': It's lucky you were here, Quinn. The countdown sequence didn't leave Joker enough time to swing by Arkham and pick you up. :'''Joker''': Quiet, brat. :'''Harley''': You ''were'' gonna come for me, weren't you, Puddin'? :'''Joker''': Of course, pumpkin-pie! It's just that... well, here you are, so I can, err, save myself the trip! :'''Harley''': But what about all our friends, Ivy and Two-Face and... Hat-Guy and Lizard-Man and Puppet-Head and-- ''[Joker shoves her into the plane]'' :'''Joker''': What about them? :'''Batman''': Don't forget your little pets! :'''Harley''': ''[gasps]'' The babies! We can't leave the babies! :'''Joker''': ''[shoves Harley into the plane again]'' I'll buy you a goldfish! Let's go! :'''Harley''': ''[struggling]'' NO! :'''Joker''': Why, you little...! :''[Harley kicks him in the face]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley''': ''[points the gun against Joker]'' Freeze, clown! :'''Batman''': Quinn, stop! :'''Harley''': He's mine, Bats! :'''Joker''': ''[grinning]'' You wouldn't dare. You don't have the guts! Not in a million years would you-- :''[Harley pulls the trigger - and a flag that reads "Rat-Tat-Tat" comes out of the barrel. The Joker stares at her for a moment, and throws his arms wide to embrace her]'' :'''Joker''': Baby, you're the greatest! ===''Time Out Of Joint'' [2.8]=== :'''Mayor Hill''': You! How did you get past-- :'''The Clock King''': Good evening, Mayor! Nice to see you again too. And whose life are you ruining now? A poor pensioner? A malnourished orphan, perhaps? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Hill''': Please, Fugate, don't hurt me! :'''The Clock King''': If it's any comfort, my revenge will encompass more than just you. I intend to pass a most timely sentence on the entire judicial system. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': It's a shame that you've decided to keep this device a secret. :'''Dr. Wataki''': It would seem that the world is not quite ready for it yet. :'''Robin''': Gee, that's too bad for Fugate. I'm sure he'll wish he had something to make the days pass quicker where he's going. ===''Catwalk'' [2.9]=== :'''Scarface''': Calm down, pussycat. We're all friends here. ''[to the Ventriloquist]'' Dummy, don't keep our pretty guest in the dark. :'''Ventriloquist''': Yes, sir, Mr. Scarface. ''[turns on the lot, revealing him and Scarface]'' :'''Scarface''': Ah, that's better. :'''Selina Kyle''': ''[gasps]'' You gotta be kidding! ''[laughs]'' :'''Scarface''': What's she laughin' at? My fly ain't open, is it?! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, sir. :'''Scarface''': So what's the gag? :'''Selina Kyle''': Oh come on, you know! ''[in a goofy voice]'' "What's the gag?" :'''Scarface''': ''[aims his gun at Selina]'' Can it, sister! This is Scarface you're dealing with, and I don't stand for no disrespect. :'''Ventriloquist''': I'd do as he says, ma'am. Mr. Scarface can be quite insistent. :'''Scarface''': I don't think anyone's talking to you! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, sir. No, sir. :'''Selina Kyle''': Right... so, what do you want with me? :'''Scarface''': My boys happened to be in the museum when they saw your little set-to with Miss Ronnie V. They also seen you licking your whiskers at the sight of Ronnie's pretty sparklers. :'''Selina Kyle''': You're boring me, log. :''[the Ventrloquist pulls out an envelope from his coat]'' :'''Scarface''': So what if I could provide you with a foolproof plan to snatchin' those rocks with no risk of you gettin' caught? :'''Selina Kyle''': Pass. Kitty's been staying it at night. It's not the greatest, but it beats the pound, if you know what I mean. :'''Scarface''': Now, that's a darn shame. And I thought for sure you'd want a chance to get even with the Vreelands. Not just for yourself, ya understand, but for all those poor little stuffed critters what never had the chance to fight back. :'''Selina Kyle''': Oh, barf. :'''Scarface''': It's a 50/50 cut. Take it or leave it? You in or what? :''[Selina thinks about it for a while then picks up the envelope]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': What a pleasant surprise. Though I should warn you - breaking and entering is against the law. :'''Batman''': You would know. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarface''': [[w:Tweety|I thawt I thaw a putty tat!]] <hr width="50%"/> :''[Catwoman crushes Scarface under some logs]'' :'''Catwoman''': That's one way to remove a splinter. What's wrong, Ventriloquist? Cat got your tongue? :'''Ventriloquist''': Please, I never hurt you! Scarface, he's another person, not me, really! :'''Catwoman''': But he's inside you somewhere. And I'm going to keep scratching until I find him. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': [[w:Just So Stories|I am the cat who walks by herself.]] ===''Bane'' [2.10]=== :'''Thorne''': You almost didn't get paid. You're lucky these diamonds didn't get nabbed in the smuggling bust. :'''[[w:Bane (comics)|Bane]]''': No, Mr. Thorne. You are the lucky one. ''[He punches the punching bag across the room]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': He wrecked my car, Alfred. Between two guys, that's ''real'' personal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bane''': Toys. You try to fight me with pathetic little TOYS. You've got nothing! Beg for mercy! SCREAM MY NAME! :'''Batman''': Never. :'''Bane''': You are beaten! Now I will break you! ===''Baby-Doll'' [2.11]=== :'''Robin''': ''[on "Love That Baby"]'' I remember this show from when I was a kid. It still stinks. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At Wayne Manor, Summer Gleeson is on the telephone talking to Marv Wolfman at her office.]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': I don't care what Mayor Hill says. The people have a right to know, and if he won't talk to us-- ''[Batman drops a photo of Baby-Doll onto her desk]'' I'll call you back, Marv. ''[to Batman and Robin]'' Since when are you interested in has-been actors? :'''Batman''': Since that one's been kidnapping her co-stars. :'''Summer Gleeson''': You're serious? :'''Robin''': She's been picking them off, one by one. Any reason she'd have a grudge? :'''Summer Gleeson''': Actually, ''they'' should hate ''her.'' Dahl put them all out of work when she quit the series to become a "dramatic" actress. :''[Summer plays a video of Mary Dahl playing Lady Macbeth]'' :'''Mary Dahl''': What, will these hands never be clean? Here's the smell of the blood still. All the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand. :'''Robin''': Pee-yew! :'''Summer Gleeson''': That's what the critics said. Baby's dramatic career flopped, and when she tried to start her TV show again, the networks turned her down. :'''Batman''': That still doesn't explain why she's after her old cast. :'''Robin''': ''[picks up a cassette]'' Maybe there's a clue in these old episodes. :'''Summer Gleeson''': You can borrow them if you want. And when you crack the case, you can pay me back with an exclusive... ''[turns to see that they have gone]'' interview. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': Naughty, naughty, Daddys! Mustn't yell at your Baby like thats. :'''Tod Baker''': You're not my daughter, and we're not a family! We're actors, remember?! You cancelled our show because you whined you weren't getting enough attention! :'''Baby-Doll''': ''[putting on a sad face]'' But I knows now I made a boo-boo! ''[sniffles and breaks character]'' It was hard for me out there. I studied and trained and auditioned, but no one wanted me. ''[plays the sound of a crowd going "Aww..." on her tape recorder]'' Over the years, I remembered how happy I was with all of you around me, and the folks at home watching me each week. Me, ''[goes back into her "cute" voice]'' Baby-Doll! ''[giggles]'' Now I'm Baby for good, and everyone will love me agains! Hugs, hugs! :''[Her goons force the actors to share a hug with her, and she plays the "Aww..." again]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': ''[watching episodes of Baby Doll's old TV show]'' Remember that time Poison Ivy nearly smothered us in those vines, with the ''really'' sharp thorns? :'''Batman''': Yes. :'''Robin''': This is worse. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': ''[after her TV brother is rendered unconscious by her bodyguard]'' Sorry I had to play roughs, Tippy. I didn't mean to. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': ''[Mariam kicks Robin around]'' Wow, lady! You're good! :'''Mariam''': It's a living... <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman pursues Baby-Doll in a funhouse tunnel maze]'' :'''Baby-Doll''': Silly Mr. Batman can't catch me! :'''Batman''': Don't run away! I know you're scared, confused - I can help you! :'''Baby-Doll''': Liar, liar, cape on fire! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': Game's over, Mr. Batman! ''[laughs]'' I WIN! ''[Batman fires his grappling gun, knocking the doll-gun down a slide]'' No fair! ''[runs to retrieve it, and stumbles into a room full of fun-house mirrors. Picks up the gun, wandering through the various distorted reflections, until she comes to one that shows her as an adult]'' Look! That's me in there. The ''real'' me! There I am... ''[touches the reflection, and her face changes]'' ...But it's not ''really'' real, is it? Just... made up and pretend, like my family and my life and everything else! ''[turns to face Batman, who stands behind her]'' '''''WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST LET ME MAKE-BELIEVE?!''''' ''[fires at mirrors, and cries after breaking the mirror with her adult reflection. Batman approaches her]'' I didn't ''mean'' to... ===''The Lion And The Unicorn'' [2.12]=== :''[Alfred breaks a chair over a thug's head.]'' :'''Robin''': And here all I thought you dusted was furniture. :'''Alfred''': A [[w:Louis XV|Louis Quinze]]; what a pity. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred Pennyworth''': ''[after being drugged with a truth serum]'' You'll get nothing but gibberish out of me, madam. I come from haunts of cootenfern and knicker sudden Sally. Uh... dee-dum dee-dum dee-dum dee-dum, and bicker down the valley. :'''Red Claw''': And people wonder why no one takes Britain seriously anymore. ===''Showdown'' [2.13]=== :'''Sheriff''': Well, well. Jonah Hex, his own bad self. Been here five minutes and you ain't killed nobody nor set nothin' on fire. Slippin', ain't you? :'''[[w:Jonah Hex|Jonah Hex]]''': I'm still a little bushed. :'''Sheriff''': Fact is, you look a little past it, Hex. Not tired, just all used up. :'''Hex''': Well, when I get pushed, I can still shoot a fly out from between its wings. Provided the light's right, of course... and it's a big ''plump'' fly. :''[The sheriff glances down at his own portly figure. Two other bargoers retreat outside, sensing trouble.]'' :'''Sheriff''': I ain't got nothin' on you, Hex... yet. Just remember, them wanted posters say "dead or alive". You might try "alive" this time. :'''Hex''': First time for everything. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duvall''': It would appear we have ourselves a government spy. A rather disreputable-looking one at that. Well, Mr. Spy, I'd say your plan has failed, and the railroad is doomed. :'''Hex''': I ain't no spy! I'm Jonah Hex, and I don't give a tinker's cuss about no railroad. I've come to get ''you'', Arkady Duvall, on account of what you done to that girl back east. :'''Duvall''': ''[chuckles]'' You mean to say, you've tracked me across ''twelve states'' because of that? :'''Hex''': Well, there's also the matter of a 200 dollar reward. That part don't hurt my feelings none. :'''Duvall''': You're either a liar or a fool. :'''Hex''': I've been known to be foolish, but ain't ''nobody'' calls me a liar and goes to bed happy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hex''': Now! Let's you and me dance. :'''Duvall''': You cannot defeat me. I am a Heidelberg fencing champion. :'''Hex''': My heart's all a-flutter. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duvall''': Five thousand in gold, take it. Leave me be. :'''Hex''': It ain't about money, boy. It's about justice. And I aim to serve you some. :'''Duvall''': Let me live, please! :'''Hex''': I will. Only because it's too much trouble to haul your stinkin' carcass back east. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You left Duvall to his fate a century ago. Why come back for him now? :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Did you really think, detective, that in my six hundred years of life, I would have sired only ''one'' offspring? Even before the Phoenix debacle, I had come to realize that Arkady was too unbalanced and cruel to wisely rule my empire. :'''Batman''': But you couldn't forget about him. :'''Ra's al Ghul''': What father can ever forget his son? Come now, detective, I've still a few good years left. We will cross swords another day. But for now, let me take my boy home. ===''Riddler's Reform'' [2.14]=== :''[After learning about the theft of historical antiquities on TV]'' :'''Riddler''': ''[in Bruce's memory]'' Those are things of the past, Batman. Ancient history that's gone now. I'm a new man! But you probably won't figure that out before it's too late! ''[laughs]'' :'''Bruce''': ''He'' did it. :'''Dick''': Who? :'''Bruce''': The Riddler. Remember what he said: "Things of the past." "Ancient history that's gone now." Look! :'''Dick''': Gee, I don't know. His riddles aren't usually that subtle. Besides, he's got a multimillion dollar deal with that toy company. Why would he throw it away over some stupid riddle crime? :'''Bruce''': Because that's the way his warped mind works. He's obsessed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': He's right, you know. :'''Manny''': Who? :'''Riddler''': Batman. He ''is'' going to catch me, sooner or later. :'''Manny''': Gee, boss, you're scaring me. You're talking kinda crazy. :'''Riddler''': DON'T YOU ''EVER'' CALL ME THAT! I fooled the police, the doctors, the Parole Board - all of them! There's only one person who's ever been able to challenge me: ''BATMAN!'' He's the only one worthy of the game! :'''Manny''': But you said sooner or later he's gonna catch you. What are you gonna do? :'''Riddler''': I'm never going back to Arkham! So I guess there's only one thing to do! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': Hello, Batman. This is it: the end of the game. I'm a little sad actually. You were a worthy opponent. But then, I told you I'd make a ''killing'' at the Toy Fair! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': ''[ranting in a cell in Arkham]'' It's IMPOSSIBLE, I tell you! Impossible! My trap was perfect! How did he do it?! I have to know! SOMEBODY TELL ME! IT'S NOT FAIR! THERE WAS NO WAY, I TELL YOU! NO WAY HE COULD HAVE GOTTEN OUT! SOMEBODY TELL ME! DO YOU HEAR ME?! SOMEBODY TELL ME HOW HE DID IT! I HAVE TO KNOW! '''''I HAVE TO KNOOOOOOOOOW!!!''''' ===''Second Chance'' [2.15]=== :'''Penguin''': And what might ''you'' be doing out there? Catching insects for dinner? :'''Batman''': I'm looking for Two-Face. :'''Penguin''': What, did you lose him? ''[chuckles]'' :'''Batman''': Somebody kidnapped him from Gotham Central tonight. You and he had a disagreement sometime ago, didn't you? :'''Penguin''': It's true. Harvey stole a rare ''avis'' right out from under my beak several months ago. A jewel-encrusted statuette of a two-headed [[w:roc (mythology)|roc]]. It was worth millions. But, my dear rodent, I'd never kidnap a fellow rogue out of his sickbed. It just isn't done. :'''Batman''': Honour among thieves? :'''Penguin''': Absolutely. If I were going to attack Harvey, I'd do it face to face... to face, heh, so to speak. Like THIS! ''[laughs and unleashes his birds on Batman]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You may as well come out. I know everything now. :''[A man emerges, his identity obscured by shadows]'' :'''Batman''': You hated Harvey Dent, and would do anything to destroy him. :''[Lightning flashes, revealing the man to be Two-Face himself]'' :'''Two-Face''': Why not? He was going to destroy me. Just like I'm going to destroy you! ''[attacks him]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Harvey, pull yourself up! :'''Harvey''': I can't! I'll drop the coin! :'''Batman''': Drop it! Save yourself! :'''Harvey''': I... I don't know what to do. The coin won't tell me! :'''Batman''': It can't tell you anything! I switched coins when you grabbed me! :'''Robin''': ''[swings and kicks the thugs out of Batman's way]'' Good thing I decided to tag along after all. :'''Batman''': It's a trick coin! It'll always land on edge! It's ''your'' decision now, Harvey! Life or death? The coin or me? :''[Robin threw the batarang to hit the elevator button to send the thug in an elevator, thunderstruck and Harvey/Two-Face decided to drops the coin]'' :'''Harvey''': Batman, help me. :''[Batman tries to give Harvey a hand, but Two-Face suddenly regains control]'' :'''Two-Face''': Never! ''[punches Batman and falls]'' :'''Batman''': ''HARVEY!!!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harvey''': ''[seen in half-shadow, making him appear to once again be Harvey Dent instead of Two-Face]'' Bruce? Good old Bruce. Always there. You never give up on me. :''[Bruce Wayne smiles and pats Harvey's shoulder before he is escorted away]'' :'''Dick''': He's right. You're always there for him. :'''Bruce''': Yes, just like you're always there for me. :'''Dick''': Hey, what are friends for? ===''Harley's Holiday'' [2.16]=== :'''Scarecrow''': I am the Master of Fear! The Lord of Despair! Cower before me in witless terror! :'''Harley''': Hi, Professor Crane! :'''Scarecrow''': ''[Smiling fondly]'' Good evening, child. ''[To Batman and Robin, furiously]'' Worship me, you fools! Worship me! Scream hosannas of anguish to Scarecrow, the all-terrible God of Fear! ''[Guards take him away]'' :'''Robin''': I think he's getting better. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley''': I'm having a BAD DAY! I'm sick of people trying to shoot me, run me over and blow me up! I didn't even get to keep my new dress - I ACTUALLY PAID FOR IT! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman and Robin take Harley back to Arkham]'' :'''Harley''': ''[sadly]'' [[w:To market, to market|Home again, home again, diggity dig...]] :'''Dr. Joan Leland''': Not for too long, though. Ms. Vreeland dropped the kidnapping charges. With a little more hard work, you should be ready to re-enter society for good. :'''Harley''': Yay... ''[to Batman]'' There's one thing I've gotta know. Why'd you stay with me all day, risking your butt for someone who's never given you anything but trouble? :'''Batman''': I know what it's like to try and rebuild a life. ''[takes her dress out of a bag]'' I had a bad day too, once. :'''Harley''': ''[takes the dress, smiling]'' Nice guys like you shouldn't have bad days. ===''Lock-Up'' [2.17]=== :'''Scarecrow''': Don't take me back there, please! Look at me, Batman! I'm shaking with fear! Me! The Scarecrow! I wasn't even going back to crime this time! I just had to get away from... HIM! :'''[[w:Lock-Up (comics)|Lyle Bolton]]''': I'll take it from here, Batman. Lyle Bolton, Chief of security. Congratulations, Professor Crane. You're the first inmate to escape Arkham under my charge. ''[He grabs Crane by the collar; Crane whimpers]'' You're also the last. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bartholomew''': Miss Quinn? Do you have any complaints against Mr. Bolton? :''[Lyle Bolton sneers threateningly at Harley Quinn]'': :'''Harley Quinn''': I got nothing to say. :'''Bartholomew''': But surely you must have something you wish to- :'''Harley Quinn''': You got a hearing problem or something?! NO! NADA! IXNAY! ZERO! ZILCH! BUPKES! NOTHING! OKAY?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': He threatens us! Takes away our privileges, even when we're good! :'''[[w:Lock-Up (comics)|Lyle Bolton]]''': We've heard enough of this nonsense. :'''Jonathon Crane''': He says scum like us must be kept in line! That's why he chains us down at night and electrifies our doors! :'''Scarface''': He held me over a can filled with a termites! Ya hear me?! ''TERMITES!'' :'''Harley Quinn''': He's an animal! :'''Ventriloquist''': A monster! :'''Jonathon Crane''': Keep him away! :'''Lyle Bolton''': '''SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU!''' :''[The guards retrain Lyle Bolton, he kicks the table, resists the guards and attack and them; he threatens to kill the inmates, and Bruce Wayne trips him with the chair]'' :'''Lyle Bolton''': You're all scum! You should be beaten within an inch of your misbegotten lives! :'''Bartholomew''': I've seen enough! ''[pounds the gravel]'' Lyle Bolton, you're dismissed! :'''Lyle Bolton''': Before I came here, Arkham was a revolving door for every maniac in Gotham. ''I'' kept them in! '''ME!''' Now I realize I was wrong to punish those pathetic miscreants! '''THEY'RE ONLY SYMPTOMS! ''YOU'RE'' THE CAUSE! THE GUTLESS POLICE, MINDLESS BUREAUCRATS, AND CODDLING DOCTORS! YOU SHOULD ALL BE LOCKED UP IN A CAGE WITHOUT A KEY!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lock Up''': I could have rid Gotham of the fools in city hall and the police department! We could have made our own order! :'''Batman''': I was born to fight your brand of order! :'''Lock Up''': If that's your decision...! ===''Make 'Em Laugh'' [2.18]=== :'''Dispatcher''': Disturbance reported at the top of the Crown restaurant. Suspect is a male costumed extremist armed with what appears to be a... ketchup gun. :'''Batman''': It's going to be one of those nights. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Condiment King''': So long, suckers! Parting is such "sweet-and-sour" sorrow. ''[Batman yanks away his loot bag]'' What's this? Ah! The big bad Bat-guy. I knew you'd "ketchup" to me sooner or later. How I've "relished" this meeting. You, the dynamic Dark Knight, versus me, the conceptual Condiment King! Come, Batman. Let's see if you can "cut the mustard". :'''Batman''': Quiet! ''[punches the King in the stomach]'' :'''Condiment King''': ''[slumps to ground, gasping]'' You hit me! :'''Batman''': Now listen, Mustard Man, or whatever you call yourself. You're obviously new at this, so I'm willing to go easy on you, provided you give back the loot and never even think about doing this again. Deal? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Buddy's agent''': I don't get it. Buddy's just thrown his entire career away. The network's cancelling his show and the restaurant's suing him for a million dollars. Why did he do it? It just doesn't make sense. ===''Deep Freeze'' [2.19]=== :'''Batman''': Men like Walker are obsessed with getting their own way. And they don't let little things like the ''law'' stop them. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grant Walker''': Do you realize that in your half-frozen state, you will age more slowly than an ordinary human? You're practically immortal, my friend! :'''Mr. Freeze''': Yes, eternal life trapped in this wretched shell! What a miserable joke. :'''Grant Walker''': Miserable to you, but a godsend to me. Look at me, Mr. Freeze, I'm an old man. I've created wonders in my lifetime, but there is still so much to do! I want to change as you have. To become, like you, a being of blessed, eternal cold. :'''Mr. Freeze''': You're insane. :'''Grant Walker''': Only you know how to duplicate the accident that made you what you are. What I long to become! :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[grabs him]'' You want to live like this? Abandoned and alone? A prisoner in a world you can see but never touch? ''[drops him and turns away]'' Old and infirm as you are, I'd trade a thousand of my frozen years for your worst day. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grant Walker''': Every time I open a park, I get gatecrashers. :'''Batman''': We've seen your insane vision of the future, Walker. :'''Grant Walker''': My world will have no crime, violence or pain. :'''Robin''': You can add free will to that list too! :'''Grant Walker''': A small price to pay for order. :'''Batman''': ''Your'' order! For your select few! :'''Grant Walker''': Excuse me, but I fail to see the problem with that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You can't let Walker do this. Billions of people will perish! :'''Mr. Freeze''': That's not my concern. All that matters is I once again have my wife, and the means to restore her. :'''Batman''': She'll wake up in a dead, frozen world that ''you'' helped destroy. She'll ''hate'' you for that! :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''Silence.'' :'''Batman''': You think you're alone now? Wait until she learns the truth. :'''Mr. Freeze''': '''I SAID ''SILENCE!''''' ''[blasts at Batman and Robin, knocking them backward, then turns back to Nora with a saddened face]'' Forgive me... ''[frees Batman and Robin]'' Come, there is much to do. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Dick recovers from hypothermia]'' :'''Dick''': Man, if I spent any more time in that immersion tank, I'd be growing gills. :'''Bruce''': I'm just glad I was able to get you back here in time. :'''Dick''': Thanks. For a while I thought I'd end up like Walker, trapped in a ice cube forever. What about Mr. Freeze? Do you think he's gone for good? :'''Bruce''': I'm not sure. But if Freeze's condition has made him truly immortal... we may not have seen the last of him. ===''Batgirl Returns'' [2.20]=== :'''Catwoman''': Bats are just mice with wings, little girl. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Batgirl|Batgirl]]''': So, what are you going to do? Leave us over one of these vats with acid burning through the rope? :'''Daggett''': ''[Laughs]'' If there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's that you crime-fighting types are very resourceful. So, I'll just have my men shoot you and throw your bodies in the vats. == About ''{{PAGENAME}}'' == *'''PD''': If I had to differentiate between [Batman and Superman], I'd say Superman is sort of about hope. You've got this guy who's an alien and not truly human, but he personifies all the best qualities of humanity. He's sort of an example of what it would be nice to be like. We would all like to be like Superman. We would all like to have power, compassion, the ability to settle problems in a good way, and maybe [be able to] wink to ourselves about how nobody else besides us knows we really have this secret power and we keep it ourselves. There's not a lot of angst with Superman. If there is, it's more like, "I wish I could tell Lois who I really was." Batman is how you'd like to be if you [could] break someone's neck: "I'm pissed off, and I want to go out and do something about it." Superman waits for trouble to happen, and then he goes off and stops the problem. Batman's looking for trouble; he doesn't really start it, but he's out there looking. And if he sees something going on, he just jumps into the middle of it. :'''JA''': Batman's sort of a sociopath too. :'''PD''': He's absolutely a sociopath. He's a sociopath with a lot of money, and he's got a sense of right and wrong. I don't think he's totally bereft of some sort of compassion or feeling for some of the villains. He doesn't go after somebody like Mr. Freeze without a small bit of compassion for the man, or maybe someone like the Mad Hatter, or even Harley, whom he thinks is certainly a pain in the ass, but I think he kind of wishes she'd get her act together and wise up at some point. <br> But with darker characters like the Scarecrow and the Joker, he's basically out to make sure they never get out again - whatever it takes to take them down. Somebody like the Joker is probably the least human of all of Batman's Rogues Gallery. That was why I never wanted to do a story that humanizes the Joker, like we did with the Mad Hatter or Mr. Freeze, because I just don't think the character lends itself to that. He's almost supernatural in a way; he's somebody who's just thoroughly insane, who does what he wants to do, and who has a grudge against Batman. He probably likes horrifying people with his clownish appearance as much as Batman terrorizes criminals with his nightmare-like appearance. The Joker is pretty inhuman. I'd say the same thing about the Scarecrow. He is someone who really gets turned on by scaring people. He's like the anti-Batman. He's a weak, very unimposing man until he puts on the Scarecrow costume, and then goes out and gasses people with fear gas, and he watches them squirm. There's probably a big turn-on seeing people helpless in front of him screaming in fear. *'''PD''': When [[w:Tim Burton|Tim Burton]]'s ''[[Batman (1989 film)|Batman]]'' came out, that was the way to go. Now [[w:Joel Schumacher|Joel Schumacher]]'s [[Batman Forever|Batman]] is out there, and people are flocking to the movies, so they"re saying, "Can you lighten up the show a little bit? Can you have more fun with it?" So that's what we were charged with doing, and that's what we've done: to lighten up the color palette a little bit, so that every character's not just in dark colors. Robin, for instance, is now black, red, and gold, instead of green. Nightwing is black and a light, almost iridescent, blue. We've also given it a little more of a kid-friendly look. :* [[w:Paul Dini|Paul Dini]], [http://animationarena.com/batman_the_animated_series.html "Batman: The Animated Series"], ''Animation Arena''. * The thing with the Batman show—even though it's one of the most beautiful and well-written shows, and it really gets into Batman—is that it doesn't really move that fast. The fight scenes aren't that intense, and it doesn't really go actiony. There's a lot of walking and talking in it. It looks great, but it needs that kick of having action. And I think that's another thing that kids are picking up on: For the first time, you're actually seeing superheroes really fight bad guys. In a lot of the cartoons when I was growing up, like [[w:Super Friends|Super Friends]], there was no fighting of bad guys. They would just get sent off to jail. It was wacky, it was silly, it wasn't intense, and there wasn't real fighting and stuff in it. ** [[w:Craig McCracken|Craig McCracken]] [http://www.avclub.com/article/the-powerpuff-girls-13665 "The Powerpuff Girls"], Keith Phipps, ''A.V.Club'', Jun 21, 2000. == Cast == * [[Kevin Conroy]] - [[w:Batman|Bruce Wayne/Batman]] * [[w:Loren Lester|Loren Lester]] - [[w:Dick Grayson|Dick Grayson/Robin]] * [[w:Melissa Gilbert|Melissa Gilbert]] - [[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara Gordon/Batgirl]] * [[w:Clive Revill|Clive Revill]]/[[w:Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.|Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.]] - [[w:Alfred Pennyworth|Alfred Pennyworth]] * [[w:Bob Hastings|Bob Hastings]] - [[w:James Gordon (comics)|Commissioner James Gordon]] * [[w:Robert Costanzo|Robert Costanzo]] - [[w:Harvey Bullock (comics)|Detective Harvey Bullock]] * [[w:Ingrid Oliu|Ingrid Oliu]]/Liane Schirmer - [[w:Renee Montoya|Officer Renee Montoya]] * [[Mark Hamill]] - [[w:The Joker (comics)|The Joker]] * [[w:Arleen Sorkin|Arleen Sorkin]] - [[w:Harley Quinn|Dr. Harleen Quinzel/Harley Quinn]] * [[Paul Williams (songwriter)|Paul Williams]] - [[w:Penguin (comics)|Oswald Cobblepot/The Penguin]] * [[Adrienne Barbeau]] - [[w:Catwoman|Selina Kyle/Catwoman]] * [[w:John Glover (actor)|John Glover]] - [[w:Riddler|Edward Nygma/The Riddler]] * [[w:Richard Moll|Richard Moll]] - [[w:Two-Face (comics)|Harvey Dent/Two-Face]] * [[w:George Dzundza|George Dzundza]] - [[w:The Ventriloquist (comics)|Arnold Wesker/The Ventriloquist/Scarface]] * [[w:Henry Silva|Henry Silva]] - [[w:Bane (comics)|Bane]] * [[w:Aron Kincaid|Aron Kincaid]] - [[w:Killer Croc|Killer Croc]] * [[w:Marc Singer|Marc Singer]] - [[w:Man-Bat|Dr. Kirk Langstrom/Man-Bat]] * [[w:Ron Perlman|Ron Perlman]] - [[w:Clayface|Matt Hagen/Clayface]] * [[w:Diane Pershing|Diane Pershing]] - [[w:Poison Ivy (comics)|Dr. Pamela Isley/Poison Ivy]] * [[w:Henry Polic II|Henry Polic II]] - [[w:Scarecrow (DC comics)|Dr. Jonathan Crane/The Scarecrow]] * [[w:Roddy McDowall|Roddy McDowall]] - [[w:Mad Hatter|Dr. Jervis Tetch/The Mad Hatter]] * [[w:Michael Ansara|Michael Ansara]] - [[w:Mr. Freeze|Dr. Victor Freeze/Mr. Freeze]] * [[David Warner (actor)|David Warner]] - [[w:Ra's al Ghul|Ra's al Ghul]] ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} {{Batman}} [[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated superhero TV shows]] [[Category:Animated Batman TV shows]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Animated television programs based on Detective Comics]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Fox Broadcasting Company animated television series]] [[Category:Television series by Warner Bros. Animation]] oaqg1rtej4f6uyhdq73z4472l0r3jfw 3778899 3778897 2025-07-14T22:12:41Z 2A00:23C7:8583:8901:5157:8FC5:8DBF:8C56 /* On Leather Wings [1.1] */ 3778899 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Batman-_The_Animated_Series_logo.svg|thumb|I am [[vengeance]]. I am the [[night]]. I am, '''[[Batman|BATMAN]]'''!]] {{italic title}} '''''[[W:Batman: The Animated Series|Batman: The Animated Series]]''''' is an American animated superhero television series based on the [[DC Comics]] superhero Batman. It was succeeded by ''[[The Adventures of Batman & Robin]]'' and ''[[The New Batman Adventures]]''; the first production in the [[w:DC Animated Universe|DC Animated Universe]]. ==Season 1== ===''On Leather Wings'' [1.1]=== :'''[[w:Rene Auberjonois|Dr. March]]''': You donate a few million, and you think you own the place. I understand I'm to analyse something for you? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Yeah, doc. See, I keep hearing squeaks in my chimney, and I found these in my empty fireplace. They look like hairs. I thought maybe you could tell me if I have a bat problem. :'''Dr. March''': And what if they are bats, Mr. Wayne? What then? Destroy them like insects? We won't survive the next evolutionary cataclysm, but bats will! They're survivors, Mr. Wayne, not pests! You should understand that! <hr width='50%'/> :'''Dr. Kirk Langstrom''': ''[enters laboratory upon hearing noises]'' Who's back there? ''[spots Batman]'' You...! :'''Batman''': I'm looking for Dr. March. :'''Langstrom''' He's not here, Batman. :'''Batman''': Where is he? :'''Langstrom''': Giving a lecture on human extinction and bat evolution. He's really quite brilliant. :'''Batman''': He's misguided, and a thief. ''[holds up a vial of the serum]'' :'''Langstrom''': He's just a theorist, he was afraid to put it to the test. But I wasn't. I knew he'd discovered a formula to create a totally new species, neither man nor bat. And once I started taking it, I couldn't stop. I desperately wanted to, but... ''it'' took over. Francine and March tried to protect me, but it was too late. The beast knew what chemicals were needed to bring itself about! It was out of my control! And it only needs one more component to complete the process! ''[voice lowering]'' It's in ''ME'', Batman! ''[laughs maniacally and begins to change into Man-Bat]'' ===''Christmas With The Joker'' [1.2]=== :''[the Arkham Asylum inmates practice signing Jingle Bells as other inmates set up a giant Christmas tree]'' :'''Joker''': Jingle bells! Batman smells! Robin laid an egg! ''[gets a tree-topper and climbs to install it]'' The Batmobile lost a wheel and the Jo-ker got a-wa-a-a-ay! ''[attaches the ornament and the Christmas Tree ignites, revealed as a rocket. Joker clambers at it launches]'' Crashing through the roof! In a one-horse-open tree! Busting out I go! Laughing all the WHEEEEE! ''[the "rocket-tree" flies off into the distance as he sings]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the Christmas with the Joker show]'' :'''Joker''': Rumor has it, Christmas is a time to share with family. :'''Laugh track''': Yea! :'''Joker''': And since I don't have one of my own... :'''Laugh track''': Aww... :'''Joker''': I decided to STEAL one! :'''Laugh track''': Yea! :'''Joker''': And here they are: The Awful Lawful Family! ''[lights turn on and reveal Gordon, Summer, and Bullock tied up and gagged]'' Aren't they just the cutest family you've ever seen? :'''Batman''': ''[watching in the Batmobile]'' It's never easy with the Joker. :'''Joker''': Meet Daddy Lawful! ''[ungags Gordon]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': You diseased maniac! I'll- ''[Joker gags him again]'' :'''Joker''': Hmm. Looks like I'll have to teach Daddy some manners. And here's Mommy Lawful! ''[ungags Summer]'' :'''Summer Gleason''': Help! Somebody please help us- ''[Joker gags her again]'' :'''Joker''': Ho ho ho, isn't she jolly? And here we have little Baby Lawful! Coochie coochie coo! ''[ungags Bullock]'' :'''Detective Bullock''': When I get my hands on you, I'll rip your- ''[Joker gags him again]'' :'''Joker''': I'll bet Batman wishes he had a family just like mine. Personally I think relatives are a bore, so Batman can have them... ''[points to clock showing 10:30PM] if'' he can find them by midnight! Otherwise... ''[makes a throat-slashing motion and laughs]'' ===''Nothing To Fear'' [1.3]=== :''[Bruce is introduced to Dr. Long and he offers a handshake]'' :'''Dr. Long''': ''[looks at hand and pouts off]'' Your father and I attended university together. He had big plans for you. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Well, I guess he'd be pleased. Wayne Industries is more prosperous than ever. :'''Dr. Long''': Pleased? When your father was alive, Wayne was a name that commanded great respect. Now all Wayne stands for is a self-centered jet-setting playboy. It's lucky your father didn't live to see what you've done to his good name. He'd have died of shame. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Scarecrow sprays a security guard with gas]'' :'''Guard''': Stop! What the-- No! No, spiders! Get them offa me! No! NO! ''[cowers in fear]'' :'''Anthony''': What did you do to him, boss? :'''[[w:Scarecrow (DC Comics)|Scarecrow]]''': I merely helped him visualize his innermost terror, which is obviously [[w:arachnophobia|arachnophobia]]. :'''Nigel''': A-whack-a-what? :'''Scarecrow''': Arachnophobia! Fear of spiders, you dimwitted dropout! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': It seems I have underestimated the Batman, but at least the University is finished. :'''Anthony''': Gee, boss, I never liked school, but, uh, how come you hate the university so much? :'''Scarecrow''': They tried to destroy me. :'''Nigel''': You mean they kicked you out 'cause you weren't smart enough? :'''Scarecrow''': No, you simpleton! ''[pinches Nigel's broken nose]'' :'''Nigel''': Ow! :'''Scarecrow''': I taught there. I was a professor of psychology, specializing in phobias. Inducing terror has always intrigued me. Even as a boy, I loved to frighten things. People, animals, it was all the same. I became obsessed with fear's crippling power. Later, when I became their leading Professor of Subliminal Psychology at the University, I began performing experiments on fear and its subsequent effects. Dr. Long thought I went too far - he called me a lunatic. So now, they will learn the true nature of horror! :'''Anthony''': ''[to Nigel]'' Wow, he's a real professor. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman has been exposed to Scarecrow's fear toxin]'' :'''Thomas Wayne''': Bruce... :'''Batman''': No... not now... :'''Thomas Wayne''': You are a disgrace! ''[turns into the [[w:Grim Reaper|Grim Reaper]]]'' :'''Batman''': No... You are NOT my father. I am NOT a disgrace! I am vengeance, I am the night. I...AM...'''BATMAN!''' ===''The Last Laugh'' [1.4]=== :'''Summer Gleeson''': I'm here in Downtown Gotham where corporate CEOs have gone stark, raving mad. It would appear that the collapse of the stock market is now imminent. The question is: Will [[April Fools' Day]] mark the end of Gotham City as we know it? :'''Joker''': The only things gaining now are the laughing stocks! ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[After trapping Batman in a sealed garbage can]'' :'''Joker''': I just love these new Ziploc seals! We wouldn't want our little caged rodent to suffocate, so we'll just ''[draws a knife]'' PUNCH SOME AIRHOLES! ''[laughing, he stabs holes in the can, with Batman being forced to dodge each one]'' Okay, Captain! Give 'er the old heave-ho! ''[Captain Clown salutes and throws the can into the river, where it starts to flood and sink]'' Oops! Looks like our airholes are waterholes too! ''[smirking at the viewer]'' What a shame! ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Justice is served hot, Batman! You're going to melt just like a grilled-cheese sandwich! :''[The Joker tries to send Batman falling into the furnace with a cascade of garbage, but Batman escapes and swings to safety on his grappling hook]'' :'''Batman''': Justice ''will'' be served, Joker. :'''Joker''': Service with a SMILE?! ''[tosses a razor card at Batman, who dodges it just in time]'' :'''Batman''': Clean up your act, Joker. :'''Joker''': Oh, that's a joke, right? Batman finally told a joke! ''[laughing, the Joker draws another card and flings it, but Batman catches it with a smirk. With a gasp of shock, the Joker tries to flee, but gets his food caught on a cable and he ends up dangling over the furnace]'' BATMAN! YOU WOULDN'T LET ME FRY, WOULD YOU?! ''[Batman leans on the railing, pretending to consider it] '''BATMAN!''' [Batman pulls him up]'' ===''Pretty Poison'' [1.5]=== :'''Dent''': So, what do you think? :'''Bruce''': Does she have a sister? :'''Dent''': Nope. Pam's one of a kind. That's why I asked her to marry me. :'''Bruce''': ''[spits out his water upon hearing this]'' WHAT?! :'''Dent''': Yup, that's the page one headline. Hey... is it starting to get warm? :'''Bruce''': You're still flushed from that last kiss. Harvey, you just met her last week! :'''Dent''': And I already know she's the one. Gosh, it's hot in here... :'''Bruce''': Marriage is a major step, Harvs. Don't you think you're rushing it? :'''Dent''': No way. The moment I laid eyes on Pam, her love hit me right in the face. ''[falls right into the food he ordered]'' :'''Bruce''': ''[laughs]'' Harvey, you've lost your mind. Knock it off. ''[sees him unresponsive]'' Harv? Harvey! ''[Later sees Harvey carried into an ambulance and climbs inside]'' Hang on, Harvey. Hang on. <hr width=50%"/> :'''Bullock''': So what'd you put in this mousse?! :'''Chef''': Chocolate, sugar, eggs, cream... :'''Bullock''': STRYCHNINE?! :'''Chef''': No, no, no strychnine. But I added just a pinch of vanilla. :'''Bullock''': ''[turns to a waiter, frustrated]'' You know who did it?! TALK! :'''Waiter''': Hey, I just clean the dishes, okay? <hr width=50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[chuckles]'' Batman! A late night rendezvous? To what do I owe the honor? :'''Batman''': ''[struggling against Ivy's giant flytrap]'' Harvey Dent! :'''Poison Ivy''': Oh, the poor district attorney. I hear he's not expected to live. Oh, it's so sad... ''[feigns crying, which quickly turns to insane laughter]'' :'''Batman''': Why, Isley? :'''Poison Ivy''': Oh, please, call me Poison Ivy. You see, Harvey had to pay for his crime. :'''Batman''': What crime? :'''Poison Ivy''': Why, murder, of course! Plowing up a field of beautiful wildflowers for that silly penitentiary of his. This little rose would be extinct today if I hadn't saved my precious from those horrible bulldozers! The blood of those flowers are on his hands! ''[calms down after her tantrum]'' So his fate was sealed ''[applies lipstick]'' ...with a kiss. And now, so is yours. ''[Ivy's plant holds Batman still as she kisses him; he tries to spit away the poison]'' Oh, what's wrong? Afraid I have cooties? ''[laughs]'' Oh, now you've gone and hurt my feelings. Too bad. I was going to share the antidote with you. ''[opens a bottle and waves it under his nose]'' Lovely fragrance, don't you think? ''[applies a drop to her face]'' I call it "Rose From the Dead". <hr width=50%"/> :''[In a cell in Arkham]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': They can bury me in the ground, as deep as they like. But I'll grow back. ''[to her rose]'' We ''always'' grow back. Don't we, baby? ===''The Underdwellers'' [1.6]=== :'''Sewer King''': Lesson number one is: NOOOOO TAAAALKING! Children are to be seen and not heard. We are the Underdwellers. We are the silent ones. We follow the invisible creed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sewer King''': Frog! The rolls, if you please. :''[Another boy nervously steps over with them; the Sewer King grabs his wrist angrily]'' :'''Sewer King''': You're not Frog! Where is he?! He's not here! ''[smacks the bowl of rolls away]'' NOT HERE! And after all I've done for you ungrateful little monsters! I took you in when nobody else would have you! It is I who care for you! I who provide for you! And only I WHO KNOWS WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU! Would you rather I sent you back into the light? Back to those who hurt you, and sent you away? :''[The children tearfully shake their heads; the Sewer King pushes the dinner table over with a loud crash]'' :'''Sewer King''': THERE WILL BE NOTHING TO EAT UNTIL FROG IS FOUND! NOW OUT WITH YOU! ''OUT WITH YOU!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I don't know what kind of barbarian did this to you, but it's over. And from now on, you'll be treated like human beings. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sewer King''': ''[clapping]'' Bravo. Bravo. You've caused me great distress, you evil bat, yes, yes, yes, you have! You've hurt my pretty pets, and you've frightened my beloved children! :'''Batman''': ''[incredulous and disgusted]'' "Beloved children"?! :'''Sewer King''': Yes! I feed them, I clothe them, I discipline them, and I teach them a trade! And now, I will teach ''you'' something! :''[He stamps on Batman's hands, but Batman swings under the pipe and kicks him from behind, causing him to fall off]'' :'''Batman''': Grab my hand! :'''Sewer King''': ''NEVER!'' :''[He falls into the water, where the alligators close in and seemingly devour him]'' :'''Batman''': A gruesome fate for a gruesome man. :''[He hears the Sewer King laughing, and sees him with the alligators, unharmed]'' :'''Sewer King''': I rather enjoyed it! I told you, they're my pretties! ''[pets one, laughing]'' Have a nice swim! :''[Batman swings over to chase him, narrowly missing the alligators' jaws]'' :'''Batman''': Later. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman pulls the Sewer King out of the way of an oncoming train]'' :'''Sewer King''': Why? Why?! ''Why?!'' :'''Batman''': ''[seething with anger]'' I don't pass sentence. That's for the courts. But this time - ''this time'' - I am ''sorely tempted'' to do the job myself! ===''P.O.V.'' [1.7]=== :''[after Batman grapples up a crane with Officer Montoya to safety]'' :'''Batman''': Are you alright? :''[Machine gun bullets hit around Batman and Officer Montoya, causing both of them to duck]'' :'''Officer Montoya''': Dandy. :'''Batman''': Then don't go away. :'''Officer Montoya''': ''[Batman leaves as more machine gun bullets hit. Montoya stays down]'' Count on it. <hr width="50%"/> :''[after Commissioner Gordon congratulates Officer Montoya for foiling the dock heist with Batman's aid]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': I have to hand it to you, Montoya. You and the Batman really turned this thing around. :'''Patrolman Wilkes''': Yeah, what a [[wikt:collar|collar]]! You didn't just bust 'em, you put the whole gang out of commission. ''[Lieutenant Hackle appears to accuse Montoya]'' :'''Lieutenant Hackle''': What collar? She's suspended! ''[Gordon angrily grabs Heckle]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': This [[wikt:farce|farce]] has gone far enough, Hackle! We apprehended the suspects and recovered our money. The investigation is closed! ''[He grabs three confiscated police badges out of Hackle's suit pocket and shoves him aside. He hands the badges to Officer Montoya]'' Officer Montoya earned this collar. :'''Officer Montoya''': The collar belongs to all three of us, Commissioner. It was a team effort. ''[Montoya accepts hers and hands Wilkes back his badge]'' :'''Patrolman Wilkes''': Gee... thanks, partner! :'''Detective Bullock''': ''[grumbling under his breath]'' Yeah, yeah... :'''Officer Montoya''': What was that, Bullock? ''[happily gives badge to Bullock]'' :'''Detective Bullock''': ''[reluctantly hesitates, accepts his badge]'' I said... Thanks a lot, Montoya. ===''The Forgotten'' [1.8]=== :'''Bruce''': What is this? :'''Smith''': If it's moving, it's a rat. If it isn't, it's a cooked rat. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': ''[Alfred flies the Batwing to the tracking device's location]'' This must be the place! Bring us down! :'''Batwing Computer''': Negative. :'''Alfred''': ''[pressing buttons madly]'' But Master Bruce is down there! We HAVE to land! :'''Computer''': Impossible. Area too confined. :'''Alfred''': ''[pounds the console]'' Land, you bucket of bolts! :'''Computer''': Your funeral. :'''Alfred''': Oh, dear...! ''[The Batwing flies down abruptly. Bruce, escaping the mine, sees the Batwing fly over]'' :'''Bruce''': ''[Smiles]'' Son of a gun! :''[The Batwing reaches a flat area near Bruce and lands. The cockpit opens.]'' :'''Computer''': Watch your step. :'''Alfred''': ''[tumbles out, dazed]'' [[w:Juan Rodriguez Cabrillo|I-I-I claim this land... for Spain]]. ''[collapses]'' ===''Be A Clown'' [1.9]=== :'''Jordan''': How can I get to be a great magician like you, Jekko? :'''"Jekko"''': Well, there are three steps! Step one: run away. Step two: find a magician with a great act. And step three: ''steal it.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Summer Gleason''': ''[reporting on TV]'' Denying reports of a bomb blast at his son's birthday party, Mayor Hill insists the explosion was caused by faulty electrical wiring. :'''"Jekko"''': Yeah! RIGHT! ''[laughs]'' :'''Summer Gleason''': The Mayor declined, however, to confirm that his son Jordan was missing. :'''"Jekko"''': Missing? :'''Jordan''': ''[coming into view]'' It's me, Jekko. I ran away. :'''"Jekko"''': You did '''WHAT?!?''' :'''Jordan''': I want to be a magician, like you. :'''"Jekko"''': Why, you... ''[laughs]'' Well, kid, you got step one right! Come on in. I've been thinking about a protege. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman is trapped inside a tank filled with water, complete with a straitjacket and leg restraints]'' :'''"Jekko"''': For your viewing pleasure, we present... the infamous water tank trap! The great [[w:Harry Houdini|Houdini]] survived such a test. Dare we demand less of the Batman?! :'''Jordan''': I don't like this, Jekko... :'''"Jekko"''': Quiet, kid, it's a free ticket. :''[Batman manages to free the sleeves of the jacket]'' :'''Jordan''': ''[clapping]'' He did it! He got free! :'''"Jekko"''': They don't make straitjackets like they used to. ''[grinning]'' I should know... :''[Batman wriggles out of the jacket and undoes the leg restraints, but struggles to break the glass]'' :'''Jordan''': He can't get out! What's the trick? :'''"Jekko"''': That's just it! THERE IS NO TRICK! :'''Jordan''': No! He'll drown! :''[Jordan grabs an axe and strikes the side of the tank to try and free Batman, but "Jekko" takes the axe away]'' :'''"Jekko"/Joker''': That's why they call it a finale! ''[throws down the axe and discards his Jekko the Clown mask]'' Now sit down and enjoy the show! ===''Two-Face Part 1'' [1.10]=== :''[Dent's raid on Thorne has been aborted by the judge due to supposed lack of reliable evidence]'' :'''Dent''': No! NO! '''I SPENT ''THREE MONTHS'' ON THAT RAID!''' He can't overturn! The fool! HE'S ''BEEN BOUGHT! LIKE ALL THE REST!'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[tries to restrain him]'' Harvey, please try to calm down. This sort of behavior doesn't run well with the voters- :'''Dent''': ''LET GO OF ME, YOU RICH TWIT!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dent''': Stealing someone's psychiatric file is pretty low, Thorne! Even for a swine like you! :'''[[w:John Vernon|Rupert Thorne]]''': But it makes for such fascinating reading. Listen to this, boys. Says here that when Harvey was a little boy, he was bothered by a bully. Every day the bully would bug him after school, until one day little Harvey got so mad, he slugged him one. :'''Thorne's Thugs''': Oooh! :'''Rupert Thorne''': Of course, the bully ran away, which made little Harvey very proud. Until he heard that the bully was in the hospital. :'''Candace''': That was some punch. :'''Rupert Thorne''': ''[chuckles]'' That's what Harvey thought. Except the guy was in the hospital for appendicitis! ''[chuckles again]'' But poor Harvey felt so guilty, he never showed his anger again. And that was the start of "Big Bad Harv". :'''Dent''': What do you want? :'''Rupert Thorne''': Just a few favors from the D.A.'s office. :'''Dent''': You're dreaming. :'''Rupert Thorne''': Otherwise, as a concerned citizen, I'd be compelled to give this to the press. After all, the people of Gotham have a right to know the kind of person... or should I say "persons", they've elected. So, what do you say, Harvey? Do we have a deal? :''[Harvey's face has contorted in building rage the entire time, but suddenly relaxes into deceptive docility]'' :'''Dent''': There's just one problem. :'''Rupert Thorne''': What's that? :'''Dent''': ''[in Big Bad Harv's voice]'' '''''You're talking to the wrong Harvey.''''' ===''Two-Face Part 2'' [1.11]=== :''[In a nightmare, Harvey is being chased by a dark shadow. He suddenly realizes he is standing on a collapsing wooden bridge]'' :'''Harvey Dent''': Stay back! ''[the shadow reveals itself to be Batman, pleading for Harvey's help]'' :'''Batman''': Harvey, please, let me help you! :'''Harvey Dent''': You?! You saw what was happening! You knew that something was terribly wrong with me! I thought you were my friend! You should have been able to help me--but you didn't! ''[Harvey covers his face with his two hands, now transformed into Two-Face]'' :'''Two-Face''': ''NOW LOOK AT ME!!'' :'''Batman''': But I tried, Harvey. I... ''[the bridge pulls itself apart, causing Two-Face to fall off]'' Harvey! :'''Two-Face''': ''[Plummets into an abyss of glowing red light] WHY COULDN'T YOU SAVE ME...?!!'' :''[Batman looks down the edge and gasps with horrified shock. He instead sees his late parents Thomas and Martha Wayne underneath a single lamppost. They both raise their heads in sadness]'' :'''Thomas Wayne''': Why couldn't you save us, son? :''[Bruce wakes up, sweating with fear. He then turns to a photo of Two-Face from a newspaper]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': So what are you dreaming tonight, Harvey? Peaceful dreams? Nightmares? Maybe both at once. Sleep well, my friend. Whether you are, whatever you've become... I ''will'' save you. I swear. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Two-Face''': This is my world now. A dichotomy of order and chaos - just like me. :'''Grace''': Harvey, what's happened to your mind, your feelings? You used to listen to your feelings. :'''Two-Face''': ''[flipping his coin]'' This is what I listen to now. ''Chance,'' Grace. Chance is everything. Whether you're born or not, whether you live or die, whether you're good or bad... it's all arbitrary. :'''Grace''': That's nonsense, Harvey. Was it chance that made you District Attorney? Was it chance that made you fall in love with me? Take control of your life, Harvey. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Two-Face grabs a tommy gun and aims at a defenceless Thorne]'' :'''Rupert Thorne''': No! Two-Face, don't! ''[to Batman]'' You can't let him! :'''Grace''': Harvey! What are you doing?! :'''Two-Face''': Taking control of my life. :'''Batman''': Let the law handle it. :'''Two-Face''': "The law"?! ''[takes out his coin]'' Here's the only law! The law of averages! The great equalizer! :''[Two-Face flips the coin, but Batman throws out a crate of other coins, and Two-Face's is lost among them as they spill out]'' :'''Two-Face''': ''[horrified and panicked]'' NO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! ''[searches through them frantically]'' My coin! Where is it?! I can't decide without...! Oh no, it's ''gotta'' be here, it's ''gotta! [shrieks with anguish]'' '''''I HAVE TO HAVE IT!!!''''' :''[He continues to scream, swiping the coins aside before collapsing in tears; Grace gently comforts him]'' :'''Grace''': It's all right now, Harvey. I'm here. ===''It's Never Too Late'' [1.12]=== :'''Father Michael Stromwell''': Arnold? That's one soul I wish I could give up on. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arnold Stromwell''': I don't need your help! :'''Michael Stromwell''': Is that a fact? An empire crumbling? A marriage shattered? A son lost? Sure, you're doing fine. ===''I've Got Batman In My Basement'' [1.13]=== :''[after Penguin's goons successfully steal a [[w:Fabergé egg|Fabergé egg]] on a tall building]'' :'''Goon 1''': ''[chuckles]'' A piece of cake, just like the boss said. :'''Goon 2''': Yeah, all it took was five minutes. ''[Batman makes his surprise appearance to the goons]'' :'''Batman''': And that'll get you five ''years''... ''[pause]'' with good behavior. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Be-fowled by a couple of fledgelings! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Grant''': Sherman, what are you doing down there? :'''Sherman''': Nothing, Mom! :'''Mrs. Grant''': You're not trying to make gunpowder again, are you? :'''Sherman''': No, Mom! Honest! :'''Roberta''': We just saved Batman's life, Mrs. Grant, and now we're hiding him from some bad criminals. :'''Mrs. Grant''': That's good, just don't make a mess. ''[leaves]'' :'''Sherman''': Nice going, Miss Big Mouth. :'''Roberta''': ''[shrugging]'' Sorry, Sherman, I guess I panicked. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Gentlemen - and I use the term loosely - after you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Eurgh, how bourgeois. Tearing this place apart could only improve it! Let the egg hunt begin! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Grant''': Young man, you've got some serious explaining to do! ''[sees Batman and the defeated Penguin and gasps]'' :'''Sherman''': Err, Mom, I'd like you to meet Batman. Batman, this is my mom. :'''Batman''': Ma'am. :'''Mrs. Grant''': Oh, hello... :'''Sherman''': Say, Batman, you wouldn't be single, would you? ===''[[w:Heart of Ice (Batman: The Animated Series)|Heart of Ice]]'' [1.14]=== :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[gazes at the ballerina snow globe]'' This is how I'll always remember you. Surrounded by [[winter]] forever young, forever beautiful. Rest well, my love. The monster who took you from me will soon learn that [[revenge]] is a dish... ''[opens his eyes through his red goggles]'' best served '''cold'''. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman infiltrates an office in GothCorp headquarters and sees a classified file with a videotape and medical records of a woman named Nora Fries. He plays the tape on a nearby VCR]'' :'''Victor Fries''': ''[on the tape]'' My name is Doctor Victor Fries. I am recording what I pray would be mankind's first step toward immortality. ''[camera pans to a large machine with a glass capsule and a woman inside it]'' Behind me, you see the CC-100, a cryogenic freezing chamber of my own design. I created it for the express purpose of freezing subjects stricken with inoperable ailments. Subjects like... my own beloved wife, Nora. Once a remedy has been found-- ''[reacts to a loud banging on the door]'' :'''Ferris Boyle''': ''[Behind the door]'' Open this door! Open it now! ''[A security guard kicks the door down, Ferris and another guard step into the room. Boyle confronts Fries angrily.]'' Get away from that equipment! ''[Orders his guards]'' Shut this stuff down. :'''Fries''': ''[Panicked]'' Stop! This is my experiment! :'''Boyle''': Your ''unauthorized'' experiment. I ordered funding suspended weeks ago! I'm already three million in debt thanks to you! :'''Fries''': You can't stop it now! My wife is in there! :'''Boyle''': So bring her out! :'''Fries''': You can't interrupt the process now! :'''Boyle''': ''[unmoved; to guard]'' Open it. :'''Fries''': ''[desperately holds on to Boyle]'' It's her only chance! :'''Boyle''': ''[shrugs off Fries]'' This is MY equipment! ''MINE!'' I have every legal right to use it or not use it as I see fit. I say this project ends ''now!'' :'''Fries''': ''[grabs pistol from security guard and aims it at Ferris]'' '''NO!''' Stay away from her, murderer! :'''Boyle''': ''[tries to act charming to Fries]'' Victor... I'm sorry... I lost my temper. It doesn't have to come to this. We can talk! ''[Fries calms down and Boyle kicks him into a table of cryonic chemicals. Victor screams in pain as the cloud of volatile chemicals engulf him. Boyle steps away in fear and runs out of the room with his guards]'' Get out. Get out! :'''Fries''': ''[Clinging to his freezing chamber, screaming through the glass] Nora! NORA...! [passes out. The tape ends]'' :'''Batman''': ''[Horrified]'' My God! :''[A voice rings out--it's Mr. Freeze, who just snuck in the room]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': Yes. It would move me to tears, if I still had tears to shed. ''[freezes Batman with his cryo-gun]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mr. Freeze raids the award ceremony and confronts Ferris Boyle, who is receiving a humanitarian award]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': The cold eyes of vengeance are upon you, Boyle. :'''Ferris Boyle''': Who...who ''are'' you?! :'''Mr. Freeze''': Come, now. Surely you remember your old colleague... Victor Fries? :''[Mr. Freeze aims and fires his freezing gun at Boyle's feet, ice slowly covering up his legs to his waist]'' :'''Boyle''': ''[cries in pain]'' NO! No...! Stop... please... I... b-beg you! ''[Mr. Freeze stops his freezing gun for a moment of clarity]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': You... ''beg?'' In my nightmares I see my Nora behind the glass, begging to me with frozen eyes. How I've longed to see that look frozen on you. :''[Batman batarangs Mr Freeze's cryo-gun and attacks him. Mr Freeze overpowers Batman and throws him off]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': The advanced circuitry that powers my suit also triples my strength! ''[engages Batman, and lifts him off the ground]'' Sooner or later, all who stand in my way must feel the icy touch of death! :''[Mr. Freeze is about to kill Batman, but collapses when Batman smashes his glass helmet with a thermos full of chicken soup given to him by Alfred earlier]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': ''[walks next to Batman]'' Ooh...! What was that stuff? :'''Batman''': The only way to fight a cold. :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[as his suit falters]'' It can't end this way... vengeance...! :'''Batman''': No, ''justice''. A year ago, Ferris Boyle interrupted an experiment, and in the process destroyed two lives. ''[gives Summer Gleeson the tape he found]'' Here's the evidence. ''[walks to a still shivering Boyle; he sneers at Boyle with disgust]'' Good night, humanitarian! ''[walks off]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mr. Freeze is in his subzero cell in Arkham Asylum, gazing into his ballerina snow globe]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': I failed you. I wish there were another way for me to say it... but I cannot. ''[Tears silently slide down his face]'' I can only beg your [[forgiveness]] and pray you hear me somehow, someplace. Someplace... where a warm hand waits for mine. ===''The Cat And The Claw Part 1'' [1.15]=== :'''Stern''': Now if you'll excuse me, I've given you all the time I can spare. :'''Selina Kyle''': You'll find more time for me, Mr. Stern. Before I'm through, I'll have every environmental group and animal rights activist breathing down your neck. They'll be looking at you and your project so closely, you'll feel like a bug in a bell-jar. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You're late. :'''Mob Boss''': Can't you walk up to someone normal-like? :'''Batman''': I hear you have some information. :'''Mob Boss''': Under one condition: Lay off the South Side. :'''Batman''': Keep this up, and I'll be on you from all sides. North, south, east, and west. ===''The Cat And The Claw Part 2'' [1.16]=== :'''Batman''': Red Claw? A woman? :'''[[W:Red_Claw|Red Claw]]''': Do you have a problem with that, Batman? :'''Batman''': Not at all. I'm an equal opportunity crime fighter! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I didn't want you taken away like a common criminal. :'''Catwoman''': So you do care. :'''Batman''': ''[handcuffing her]'' More than you'll ever know. ===''See No Evil'' [1.17]=== :'''Lloyd Ventrix''': See you 'round, Batman! Too bad you can't say the same! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Ventrix, the suit! It's poison! :'''Ventrix''': So what if it is?! I don't care! As long as I have it, I can take my daughter back whenever I want! Her mother won't stop me, AND NEITHER WILL YOU! ===''Beware The Gray Ghost'' [1.18]=== :''[At a video shop, Bruce Wayne asks for Gray Ghost films]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': I'd like the ''Gray Ghost''. :'''Store Clerk''': ''[smirks and walks away]'' Hmm. Name something else. :'''Wayne''': You said you had everything. :'''Store Clerk''': Except the ''Gray Ghost''! Nobody has it! The studio that made the show, Spectra? It burned down 20 years ago. The negatives all went up like kindling, real shame. :'''Wayne''': So the ''Gray Ghost'' doesn't exist? :'''Clerk''': Not anymore. Sorry, pal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Simon Trent''': ''[Hands Batman a film reel with the key the mystery]'' Here's your answer, take it and go! :'''Batman''': I used to admire what the Gray Ghost stood for... :'''Simon Trent''': I'm not the Gray Ghost! :'''Batman''': ''[coldly]'' I can see that now. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the launch of the Gray Ghost videos]'' :'''Bruce''': Could you make this out to 'Bruce'? :'''Gray Ghost''': ''[signing autograph]'' Here you are, Bruce. :'''Bruce''': Thanks. As a kid, I used to watch you with my father. The Gray Ghost was my hero. :'''Gray Ghost''': ''[realizing]'' Really... :'''Bruce''': ''[smiling]'' And he still is. ===''Prophecy Of Doom'' [1.19]=== :'''Nostromos''': I predict... you and I are about to become rich as pigs! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lucas''': No one could've predicted Batman would spot me. Not even the great Nostromos. Besides, how do you know Wayne survived? :'''Nostromos''': The news said he got off the elevator right before it fell, you pathetic amateur! :'''Lucas''': Well, you didn't predict he would ''die'', exactly... ===''Feat Of Clay Part 1'' [1.20]=== :''[About Matt Hagen's repeated use of "Renuyu" to restore his disfigured face]'' :'''Teddy Lupus''': You can't go on like this, Matt. You hurt all the time now. :'''[[w:Clayface|Matt Hagen]]''': ''[irritated]'' You're just my stand-in, Lupus. Nobody promoted you to nursemaid! :'''Lupus''': That stuff makes your face like putty, Matt; it can't be good for ya. :'''Hagen''': It probably ain't good for me. But unless I only want to do ''horror'' pictures, it ain't bad for me either. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Listen up, scumwad, 'cause I'm only gonna ask you once. Who was Lucius Fox meeting at the tram? :'''Raymond Bell''': Wayne... Bruce Wayne! :'''Batman''': You lying sleaze! You wanna rethink that answer? ===''Feat Of Clay Part 2'' [1.21]=== :'''Clayface''': ''[testing his new shapeshifting powers]'' The formula must have soaked every cell in my body. :'''Teddy Lupus''': It's.... It's some kind of miracle! ''[sees Matt change back into Clayface]'' Wha... What are you doing? :'''Clayface''': No. No! You broke my concentration! It won't work, don't you see?! It's too hard! It's like tensing a muscle - I can't keep it up for long! MY CAREER, MY ''LIFE'' - IT ''IS'' GONE! AND I CAN NEVER GET IT BACK! ''[In his rage, Clayface destroys several things in the trailer]'' I'm not an actor anymore! I'm not even... a ''man''! ''[Sobs softly]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Clayface''': Not even the Batman could stop me, Teddy. And that means ''Daggett'' won't have a prayer. :'''Teddy''': Matt, please, you don't wanna do anything crazy. Why don't you try to get some shuteye? :'''Clayface''': ''[growls]'' DON'T YOU DARE PATRONIZE ME!!! I told you I don't need rest! I don't need food! AND I DON'T NEED YOU!!!! ''[grabs Teddy and throws him to a bookcase then walks out the door]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Roland Daggett is at a talk show talking about Renuyu facial cream and the host entertains audience questions]'' :'''Woman''': I'd like to ask Mr. Daggett about the rumors I've heard. I hear he's selling Renuyu through direct marketing because stores won't carry it due to its harmful side effects. :'''[[w:Roland Daggett|Roland Daggett]]''': Well that's, uh, absolutely untrue- :'''Woman''': ''[stands up and approaches him]'' What about the addictive properties of Renuyu, Mr. Daggett? Once you're hooked, you can't stop using it without horrible...''pain''! :'''Daggett''': No! I mean... That's just not so! :'''Woman''': Why don't you show them what an ''overdose'' can do, Daggett?! Why don't you tell them ''[voices goes deeper]'' about ME?! ''[transforms into Clayface]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Batman tricks Clayface into confronting him in a recording room, where he turns multiple screens showing headshots of Clayface's past roles]'' :'''Clayface''': What are you doing?! Stop it! :'''Batman''': Look at them, Hagan. Look at what you used to be. :'''Clayface''': No, no! Turn them off! :'''Batman''': You can play those roles again, Hagan. Let me help you find a cure. :'''Clayface''': ''[begins to shapeshift into his past roles]'' No! Hagan's gone! Make him stop haunting me! ''[begins to uncontrollably shapeshift into his past roles]'' Stop it! Turn them off! I can't control it! I can't be all of them! Not all at once! :''[Batman tries to turn on some more screens, but Clayface knocks him out of the way and smashes the control panels; Clayface yanks off one of the screens and throws it at Batman, who dodges; the screen hits the big screen, causing an explosion; the police arrive to see Clayface in his shapeshifting seizure as he shifts his face into Bruce Wayne]'' :'''Officer''': Mother of mercy! It looks just like Bruce Wayne! :''[Clayface punches through two screens, electrocuting him and reverting back into his true form and he topples over; Batman walks up to Clayface]'' :'''Clayface''': ''[morphs into Matt Hagan]'' You know what I'd have given for a death scene like this? ''[morphs into his scarred form]'' Too bad I won't get to... read the notices. ''[faints and reverts back to his true form.]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Lucius Fox''': I'm just glad to know it wasn't really Bruce Wayne who attacked me. :'''Summer Gleeson''': Thank you, Mr. Fox. All charges against Wayne have, of course, been dropped. And Roland Daggett remains in custody. :''[as Alfred turns off the TV, Batman is experimenting with a piece of Clayface's clay]'' :'''Alfred''': My word, sir. I should think after all this, it would time to rest. :'''Batman''': Look. A piece of clay left behind when they took Hagan's body away. Watch. ''[zaps the clay with electricity, causing it to morph into multiple shapes]'' :'''Alfred''': Electricity has no effect on it? :'''Batman''': Exactly. ''[scene changes to a morgue where a doctor uncovers Clayface's body; voice-over]'' I wouldn't be surprised if the body they took to the morgue was only a shell ''[Clayface's body cracks and crumbles into little pieces]'' Don't forget, first and foremost, Hagan was an actor. ''[scene changes to Teddy outside the hospital]'' He said it himself, Alfred. He called it a scene. Maybe the greatest scene in his career. :'''Teddy''': ''[sadly]'' See you 'round, Matt. ''[walks away]'' :'''Batman''': A death scene so real... it fooled us all. :''[a woman laughs maniacally as her voice grows deeper and her eyes turn yellow, revealing her to be a disguised Clayface]'' ===''Joker's Favor'' [1.22]=== :'''[[w:Joker (comics)|Joker]]''': ''[tosses two pennies on the ground]'' There's your two cents. Now, what are you going to do to me? :'''Charlie''': Listen.... I... O'm sorry, really! I.... I had a bad day. Boss turned down my raise, and... :'''Joker''': Now look, my rude friend! We can't have people cursing at each other on the freeway. It's simply ''not polite''! ''[jumps down and grabs him]'' I'm just going to have to teach you some manners. ''[reaches into his coat]'' :'''Charlie''': Please don't! I have a family, a wife, a little boy! Please! I'll do anything to make it up! Anything! :'''Joker''': Anything, says you? ''[Charlie nods; Joker releases him]'' Okee-dokee! Wallet. :'''Charlie''': Uh, okay. I don't have much cash. :'''Joker''': Oh, please! Don't insult me! ''[takes out driver's license]'' Charles Michael Collins. That's you! Tsk tsk, lousy picture, though. Lousy! Address, height, weight, blah blah blah. ''[tosses the wallet back and keeps the license]'' Righty-o, Chuckers! Here's the deal. I'll let you off if you promise to do a little favor for me. :'''Charlie''': Okay. What? :'''Joker''': ''I DON'T KNOW! I HAVEN'T THOUGHT OF IT YET!'' You just toddle on back to your mundane, meaningless little life, and when I need you, I'll call. Fair? Good? Great! I'll be in touch. ''[walks away, laughing maniacally]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Charlie''': Hello? :'''Joker''': Hello, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': Wrong number, pal. My name is Don. :'''Joker''': Oh, no, no, no. This IS the right number, Charles Michael Collins. Oh, I don't know why you changed your name to Don Wallace and moved your family to 12 Marigold Lane, Springdale, Ohio. One might think you were trying to skip out on our little deal. ''[to Harley Quinn]'' Leave the sideburns. :'''Charlie''': Uh... how did you find me? :'''Joker''': Oh, I never lost you, Chaz. You've become my... HOBBY!! ''[laughs maniacally]'' Now, listen up, Charlie Brown. You're booked on the next flight to Gotham. Tell the family you have to visit a sick friend. Oh, and let's keep this to ourselves, 'kay? Bad things happen to people who gossip, capisce, Carlo? ''[Charlie looks out the window to see Joker's henchmen pull up to his house]'' :'''Charlie''': Yeah... :'''Joker''': Good! See ya! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': You miserable little ''nobody!'' If I get caught, your wife and son are history! :'''Charlie''': You're not getting caught. Not this time. I found this blown out of the van. :''[He pulls one of the Joker's bombs from his jacket, and the Joker looks shocked and afraid]'' :'''Charlie''': This is how it ends, Joker. No big schemes, no grand fight to the finish with the Dark Knight. Tomorrow, all the papers will say is that the great Joker was found blown to bits in an alley, alongside a "miserable little nobody"! ''[chuckles]'' Kinda funny. Ironic, really. See? I can destroy a man's dreams too! And that's really the only dream you've got, isn't it?! :'''Joker''': ''[still scared]'' Look, Charlie, you've had a busy day! All this running around, all this excitement with... ''[yelling out desperately]'' '''''BATMAN!''''' Stop! You... you're crazy! :'''Charlie''': I had a good teacher! ''[chuckles]'' Say goodnight, Gracie! :'''Joker''': ''[terrified, trying to crawl away]'' NO! '''BATMAN! ''BATMAN!''''' ''[sees Batman in the shadows, and gasps with relief and annoyance]'' How long have you been there?! :'''Batman''': Long enough. Put it down, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': You know he'll just escape again! This is the only way my family stays safe! :'''Joker''': All right, you win! Take it easy! ''[surrenders his notebook to Batman]'' Here's everything on his blasted family - names, addresses, it's all there! You're no fun anymore, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': Hey, Joker! ''[throws the bomb at the Joker, who cowers behind Batman - only for the "bomb" to release harmless confetti]'' Gotcha! :''[Batman lets out a short laugh]'' :'''Joker''': ''[dryly]'' Oh, very funny. A million laughs. :'''Batman''': Go home, Mr. Collins. :'''Charlie''': Home. I never thought that could sound so good. I wonder what Bonnie's making for dinner. Right now, anything would taste great. Even meatloaf. ===''Vendetta'' [1.23]=== :'''Batman''': Here's how it works, slimeball. I have questions, and if you have answers, I'll leave you alone. :'''Rupert Thorne''': Oh, I have plenty of answers... thirty-eight caliber answers. Now then, you were saying? :'''Batman''': ''[Using Thorne as a shield]'' I was saying, you'd better hope your men are ''very'' good shots. It's too hot in here. Let's get some air. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Killer Croc''': Terrific. Just what I need now. The freak job in the cape. :'''Batman''': You're no prize yourself. :'''Killer Croc''': ''[strangling Batman]'' What can I tell you now? Being a reptile man ain't pretty... but it's got its upside. Like having the strength of a crocodile, for instance! But I guess you've learned that by now, huh? ''[forcing Batman into the water]'' The hard way. You know, they used to call "Killer Croc" the meanest dude in the Wrestling Federation. Now they'll call him the guy who iced the Batman! :'''Batman''': ''[flip-kicks Killer Croc really hard and gets out of the water]'' Don't hold your breath. ===''Fear Of Victory'' [1.24]=== :'''Mr. Lucky''': Lost? You have that bewildered look, but your sort always does. :'''Thug''': ''[grabs him threateningly]'' I ain't lost. I'm lookin' for you! I wanna know how come you always win, Mr. Lucky. :'''Mr. Lucky''': It's quite simple, actually. I fix the games. :'''Thug''': You can't fix ''all'' those sports. Nobody can! :'''Mr. Lucky''': Oh, ye of little brain, allow me to illustrate. ''[hands the thug an envelope laced in fear toxin]'' Here. You can read, can't you? :'''Thug''': ''[reads it]'' "Boo!" Hey, is this some kinda joke? :'''Mr. Lucky''': It's no joke, I assure you. It's the fear of victory, and the agony of... ''[the thug pulls Mr. Lucky out of the shadows, revealing his true identity]'' '''the Scarecrow!''' :''[The thug gasps in fear, now a victim of his toxin]'' :'''Scarecrow''': So now you understand Step One in how I fix an athletic contest. ''[Scarecrow comes closer to the thug, causing him to fall into some stacks of hay]'' I shall proceed to Step Two! ''[chuckles evilly]'' :'''Thug''': No! NO! GET AWAY! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': There's enough powder in that helmet to panic a pachyderm! He should be postering himself, crying for mercy! :'''Batman''': Change of luck, Scarecrow? :'''Scarecrow''': YOU! :'''Batman''': You're aware that gambling is illegal in Gotham? :'''Scarecrow''': I need the money, Batman! You know the cost of chemicals these days. And it will take much more than this to bring every pathetic person in Gotham to their knees, kissing my feet! ''[reveals a vial of his fear chemical and dangles it above the crowd]'' No closer, Batman! Unless you want a stampede of half-crazed humanity crushing and clawing each other! Now... what guarantee do I have you won't follow me? :'''Batman''': You have my word, Scarecrow. Just don't drop the vial. :'''Scarecrow''': Actually, Batman, I'd prefer a little insurance that you'll be otherwise occupied! ''[drops it]'' ===''The Clock King'' [1.25]=== :'''Fugate''': (after judgment has been passed) No! You can't! I'll be ruined! :'''Judge''': Then perhaps this will teach you to be on time for a change. :'''Batman''': What kind of a saboteur uses a six-thousand dollar Metronex to set a time bomb? :'''Alfred''': A saboteur with too much money? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman:''' Hold it! :'''Fugate:''' Well, well. The Batman. It's about time you showed up! I suppose you want to know why I've brought Downtown Gotham to a standstill, Batman. Hm? Well, let's just say it's because I'm a civic minded citizen with a lot of time on his hands. :'''Batman''': I want some answers, wise guy. Talk! :'''Fugate''': A pity. I don't know what to tell you, Batman - except perhaps that the 9:15 is always six minutes early. :''(He falls off the building and lands safely on the roof of an oncoming train as it speeds away)'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mayor Hill is tied to the hands of a huge clock]'' :'''Clock King''': Comfortable, Hill? Well you won't be for long! At 3:15 on the dot, those hands will come together and you'll be crushed like an insect. 3:15, Hill. Does that time hold any meaning for you? :'''Mayor Hill''': I don't know what you're talking about! :'''Clock King''': You told me to take my coffee break at 3:15. :'''Mayor Hill''': What?! :'''Clock King''': You don't remember?! My ''court date!'' :'''Mayor Hill''': ''[finally realizing]'' Oh my Lord! The lawsuit! Fugate! I swear I was only trying to help! :'''Clock King''': Don't hand me that! You did it on purpose! The plaintiffs were represented by your law firm, Mr. Mayor! :'''Mayor Hill''': But I had nothing to do with that case, Fugate! :'''Clock King''': Not that it matters anymore. Now that you have an appointment to keep, at 3:15 precisely—with the '''Grim Reaper!''' ''[begins laughing maniacally]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I'm here to clean your clock, Fugate. :'''Fugate''': Don't count on it, Batman. When it comes to clocks, ''I'' am king. ''En garde''! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Stop this, Fugate! Hill committed no crime against you! :'''Temple Fugate''': He did worse than that! He made me late! :'''Batman''': Fugate! You can't escape! :'''Clock King''': Au contraire, Batman. You of all people should know, there's always a way out! :''(Fugate begins laughing maniacally as a huge clock wheel falls on him, sending him to his apparent death)'' ===''Appointment In Crime Alley'' [1.26]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': Roland Daggett's up to something, Alfred. :'''Alfred''': That almost goes without saying, doesn't it, sir? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Leslie Thompkins''': This used to be a beautiful street. Good people lived here once. :'''Batman''': ''[placing two roses on the ground]'' Good people still live in Crime Alley. ===''Mad As A Hatter'' [1.27]=== :'''Jervis Tetch''': ''[Discussing the subject of Alice to his lab rats.]'' Of course, intellectually I know it's wrong. After all, she has a boyfriend. Better to withdraw like a gentleman- forget her, turn my heart to other pursuits. ''[Brief pause]'' NEVER! After all, I've created a chip strong enough to control a human brain! It would be so easy to make her forget her boorish beau and love ME! But...that would reduce her to a soulless shell. No...not my Alice. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman has cornered Jervis Tetch, who just subdued Alice with her mindcontrol card and is at a dinner table with him]'' :'''Jervis Tetch/Mad Hatter''': I'll cut that cowl off your neck before you'll take her! I've waited my whole lonely life for her! :'''Batman''': Then all you've waited for is a puppet. A soulless little doll. :'''Mad Hatter''': It didn't have to be this way! You made me do this to her! ===''Dreams In Darkness'' [1.28]=== :'''Batman''': "There's always time to heal", the doctor told me, but he was wrong. There was no time left. Not for me, not for him, and not for Gotham City. And as long as I remained trapped in Arkham, there was nothing I could do, except wait for the end and remember the beginning. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': An entire city, screaming in fear... I wonder if we'll be able to hear it... ===''Eternal Youth'' [1.29]=== :'''Mrs. Thomas''': You wicked, evil- :'''Poison Ivy''': Evil, Mrs. Thomas? I don't control a company that leveled a thousand-year-old forest for a strip mine! THAT'S evil! ''[sprays a gas which causes Mrs. Thomas to become petrified; steals a pair of earrings]'' You and your kind owe Mother Nature a big debt, and I am here to make sure you pay up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': Right now, the bark is merely exoskeletal. It will take months of additional spraying before the transformations become irreversible. But, of course, I have the patience of a redwood. :'''Batman''': ''[snarling]'' And the convictions of a fanatic! :'''Poison Ivy''': Well, if you're not going to be part of the solution, you're obviously part of the problem. Ladies? :''[Ivy's henchwomen begin to spray Batman with the growth formula]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': This spray is triple-strength, Batman! It will start the transformation without any preliminaries! ''[Nothing seems to happen to Batman as he unties his hands]'' He should be sprouting leaves by now! :'''Batman''': ''[Unties his hands and stands up, blocking the spray with his cape as he advances]'' You made your secret too accessible, Ivy! I coated my outfit with a herbicidal antidote! :'''Poison Ivy''': Keep spraying! ''[Violet and Lily back away, still spraying, but Batman subdues them both]'' ===''Perchance To Dream'' [1.30]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[Looking down off the ledge, preparing to jump]'' You're wrong! There IS a way out! :'''Mad Hatter''': Now, now wait just a minute! You don't want to do anything foolish! This isn't an ordinary dream! What if you're wrong?! :'''Bruce Wayne''': '''THEN I'LL SEE YOU IN YOUR ''NIGHTMARES''!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': '''''WHY?''''' Why did you do it?! :'''Mad Hatter''': You, of all people, have the GALL to ask me that? You RUINED MY LIFE! I was willing to give you WHATEVER life you wanted, JUST TO KEEP YOU OUT OF ''MINE!'' <hr width="75%"/> ===''The Cape & Cowl Conspiracy'' [1.31]=== :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Look up "slippery" in the dictionary and you get Josiah Wormwood. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[About the [[w:Bat-Signal|Bat-Signal]]]'' Got a new toy, I see. :'''Gordon''': I figured it might come in handy. ===''[[w:Robin's Reckoning|Robin's Reckoning Part 1]]'' [1.32]=== :''[Robin and Batman are doing a stakeout]'' :'''Robin''': If I knew it was going to take THIS long, I would've brought my homework. You sure about this extortion ring? :'''Batman''': ''[Looking at the construction site through binoculars]'' Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': It's been four hours. :'''Batman''': Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': You still think they'll show? :'''Batman''': Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': Lucky for me, you're such a good conversationalist. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': If you protect him, Stromwell, I'll be very... GRUMPY. [[The Incredible Hulk|You don't want to see me when I'm grumpy]]. ===''[[w:Robin's Reckoning|Robin's Reckoning Part 2]]'' [1.33]=== :'''[[w:Tony Zucco|Tony Zucco]]''': I'm not back in town five minutes - FIVE MINUTES - and he's on my tail. You don't know the Bat. He don't let up! He's the dark angel of death, man, and he wants ME! :'''Mick''': ... Why you, boss? :'''Zucco''': HOW SHOULD I KNOW?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Robin is about to throw Tony Zucco off the pier]'' :'''Tony Zucco''': No, don't! Please... :'''Batman''': Robin! Enough. ''[limps towards him]'' You can't let your emotions get the best of you. :'''Robin''': Stuff your advice, Batman! You and your stone-cold heart! You don't know how I feel. HOW COULD YOU?!? ''[Batman looks at him, and Robin realizes what he said]'' Batman, I didn't mean to... I'm sorry. ''[after he sees the police coming, Robin seemingly readies to throw Zucco off the pier but simply throws him to the ground. The cops arrive and arrest Zucco.]'' You were right, you know, not bringing me along. You knew I'd take it too personally. :'''Batman''': It wasn't that, Robin. It wasn't that at all. Zucco's taken so much, caused you so much pain. I couldn't stand the thought that he might... take you, too. :'''Robin''': ''[putting a hand on Batman's shoulder]'' Come on, partner. It's been a long night. ===''The Laughing Fish'' [1.34]=== :'''Alfred''': ''[seeing Batman with a Joker Fish]'' Dining in tonight, sir? :'''Batman''': ''[sighs]'' The dissection tray, please, Alfred... :'''Alfred''': Any idea what our happy friend is up to now? :'''Batman''': Normal criminals usually have logical motives, but the Joker's insane schemes make sense to him alone. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': Ah-ah-ah-ahem! Look alive, wage slaves. Presenting that caliph of clowns, that mogul of mountebanks, the one and only Joker! :''[The Joker enters, laughing maniacally]'' :'''Francis''': Great Scott! :'''Joker''': Actually, I'm Irish. Good morning, Mister, err, ''[looks at his desk's name plate]'' Francis! Please allow me to introduce my associates. Miss Quinn. :'''Harley Quinn''': ''Enchante''! :'''Joker''': And Messrs, uh... oh, their names escape me for the moment. No matter! We gentlemen of business have arrangements to discuss. :'''Francis''': A... Arrangements? :'''Joker''': ''[drops a Joker Fish onto his desk]'' For my fish, of course! This has all been worked out far in advance, Francis. You are merely the last tiny cog in my grand design! So don't speak to me again, 'kay? Now, what is everyone in town talking about? :'''Francis''': Err... your fish? :'''Joker''': ''[smacks him with the fish]'' I TOLD YOU NOT TO SPEAK! :'''Harley''': ''[sniffs Francis]'' Ooh, fish stink-a-roony! ''[sprays him with a substance from a perfume bottle, making him cough]'' All better! :'''Joker''': As I was saying, since every fish in Gotham now bares my famous and frankly ''fabulous'' face, I should be getting a profit from every fish product sold. ''[one of his thugs pours out a pile of products]'' Let's say a nickel per fish sandwich, fifty cents for sardines - millions of dollars a day to finance my happily hedonistic lifestyle! So which of your tedious copyright forms do I fill out first? You may speak now. :'''Francis''': No one can copyright fish. They're a natural resource. :'''Joker''': But they share my unique face! [[w:Colonel Sanders|Colonel What's-His-Name]] has chickens, and they don't even have moustaches! :'''Francis''': I can't help it, it's the law! :'''Joker''': Oh! Trying to cheat the Joker, are ya?! Well, we'll see who has the last laugh. You have until midnight to change your mind, Francis, or you'll be the poorest fish of all! ''[leaves, laughing madly, with his thugs following]'' :'''Harley''': ''[blows Francis a kiss as she follows]'' Buh-bye! :'''Francis''': He's crazy...! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Francis''': Err, Batman? Why is this happening to me? I've never done anything to this Joker. I'm just a paper-pusher, I can't change the laws. I'm harmless! :'''Batman''': And in his sick mind, that's the joke, Mr. Francis. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Feeling all right? :'''Francis''': ''[scratching himself]'' Oh, sure. It's just that everything's been so crazy today. I haven't even had time to rinse off that gunk the Joker's girl squirted on me... :'''Batman''': ''[to Gordon]'' GET THIS MAN TO A HOSPITAL! ''NOW!'' :'''Francis''': What?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': You're right, Harley. Fish ''are'' disgusting. I think I'll start using my toxin on cattle. Joker Burgers! Ha! Talk about a [[w:McDonald's|Happy Meal!]] <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': ''[after hitting Batman with a big wrench]'' Meanwhile, back at the "wrench"...! Since my sidesplitters don't tickle you, how 'bout a ''skull''-splitter?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After the Joker is seemingly eaten by the shark]'' :'''Harley''': ''[sniffing sadly]'' Oh, my poor, poor puddin'... :'''Bullock''': Come on, he was a demented, abusive, psychotic maniac. :'''Harley''': Yeah... I'm really gonna miss him! ''[sobs into her handkerchief]'' :'''Gordon''': Do you think he's gone for good? :'''Batman''': Believe me, Jim, I wish it were true. But deep inside, I doubt it. ===''Night Of The Ninja'' [1.35]=== :'''[[w:Kyodai Ken|Kyodai Ken]]''': ''[Throwing Bruce]'' Don't be depressed, Wayne-san. You're not bad for a rich man's pampered son. :'''Sensei''': ''[Leaps across room and throws Kyodai]'' There's always someone better, Kyodai. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': His name is Kyodai Ken. He was good. :'''Robin''': Yeah? How good? :'''Batman''': ''[Quickly]'' Good. :'''Robin''': I see. <hr width="80%"/> ===''Cat Scratch Fever'' [1.36]=== :'''Selina Kyle''': Don't tell me you're my very own private probation officer. How often would you like me to check in? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': "Viral Antitoxins". For a plague that doesn't exist, yet, but if the plague is introduced via stray dogs and cats, it will blanket Gotham City within weeks! :'''Roland Daggett''': Days, actually. You know how many strays there are in Gotham, Batman? Three hundred thousand! Imagine if even a tenth of them carried the virus. Not only will this little bottle make me a hero, it'll make me a fortune as well. ===''The Strange Secret Of Bruce Wayne'' [1.37]=== :''[Joker, Two-Face, and Penguin are bidding over Batman's secret identity]'' :'''Two-Face''': $500,000 :'''Penguin''': Poof. Chicken feed. I'll bet a million! :'''Two-Face''': ''TWO'' Million! :'''Strange''': I have two million. Do I hear three? :'''Joker''': Hold it, hold it, HOLD IT! :'''Two-Face''': Get outta my face, clown! :'''Joker''': Which one? :''[An angered Two-Face is about to attack Joker, but Penguin intervenes]'' :'''Penguin''': Gentlemen, it behooves us not to fight amongst ourselves. :'''Joker''': Well put, sardine breath! I think we should ''pool'' our resources on this. $51,240,685! ''[gets out a little coin purse, and pours out some coins]'' And uh, 53 cents. :'''Strange''': Sold! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Strange''': Joker, please! I was set up! Bruce Wayne is Batman! :'''Two-Face''': That's absurd! I know Bruce Wayne. If he's Batman, I'm the King of England! :'''Joker''': And people say I'M crazy! ===''Heart Of Steel Part 1'' [1.38]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': And who's your little friend? :''[Barbara takes a teddy bear out of her purse]'' :'''Barbara Gordon''': Oh, this is Wubby. I've had him forever. Dad won't pick me up at the airport without bringing him along. :'''Commissioner Gordon''': ''[blushing]'' Well... he knows the way better than I do. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': ''[After learning about the AI project]'' Sounds as if the human race could become quite expendable, except for butlers, of course. :'''Batman''': Of course. ===''Heart Of Steel Part 2'' [1.39]=== :'''Randa''': You have immobilized the maker. :'''[[w:HARDAC|HARDAC]]''': His human imperfection endangers the plan. He must be improved upon. <hr width="50%"/> :'''HARDAC''': The maker's concept was sound, but he did not go far enough - which is why I have taken over. ===''If You're So Smart, Why Aren't You Rich?'' [1.40]=== :'''[[w:Riddler|Edward Nygma]]''': ''[Being cheated out of the sales of his game]'' You are a fool, Mockridge, to think you can get away with this! Your amoral greed is no match for an intellect like mine! :'''Mockridge''': Oh, yeah? Then tell me something, Eddie: if you're so smart, why aren't you ''rich?'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman reprograms the Hand of Fate, and uses it to carry himself and Robin to the centre of the maze]'' :'''Riddler''': That is grand-scale CHEATING, Batman! You're not allowed to tamper with the Hand of Fate! :'''Batman''': I don't believe in fate! :'''Riddler''': You probably don't believe in Minotaurs either, but you'll still have to answer the Riddle. :'''Minotaur Robot''': ''I have billions of eyes, yet I live in darkness. I have millions of ears, yet only four lobes. I have no muscles, yet I move two hemispheres. What am I?'' :'''Batman''': ''[pauses in thought]'' That's simple: the human brain. ''[The Minotaur backs away]'' It has billions of optic and auditory nerves, four lobes and two hemispheres, and it's the only thing Edward Nygma respects. :'''Riddler''': A lucky guess, that's all! But it won't save you, Batman! ''[to the Minotaur]'' DESTROY THEM! ===''Joker's Wild'' [1.41]=== :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[as Joker changes the channel in the TV]'' Hey, I was watching that! :'''Joker''': And now you're watching this! :'''Poison Ivy''': Change it back! :'''Joker''': Nope, nope, nope, nope, don't want to. :'''Poison Ivy''': Guard! :'''Security Guard''': What's the problem? :'''Joker''': Don't look now, Sonny Jim, but the plant lady's gone whackers again. :'''Poison Ivy''': He started it! I was just sitting here! :'''Joker''': That's right, you're always blaming me. And the children wonder why we fight! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...the Joker's Wild! :''[Cameron Kaiser cuts the ribbon and unveils a casino with a gigantic Joker head. He is seen spoken to by Summer Gleeson]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': Ugh, that is disgusting! :'''Cameraman''': Psst, Summer! We're on the air! :'''Summer Gleeson''': ''[mortified]'' Oh! Uh... there you have it! Let's get a reaction from the guests. Mr. Wayne? :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[equally nauseated]'' No comment. :'''Summer Gleeson''': Mr. Kaiser, why build a casino seemingly in honor of one of history's most notorious outlaws? :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Summer, please! Wild Joker is a classic symbol, long associated with cards and games. I can't help it if there's a some passing resemblance to some criminal fruitcake. :''[An enraged Joker smashes the television]'' :'''Joker''': How dare that smug, preening fool try to cash in on ''MY'' image! :'''Poison Ivy''': Now who should lighten up? :'''Joker''': Don't get cute with me, Red. He's ripping me off! I'll protest! Yeah! I'll sue! Then I'll rip his lungs out! And I will, too! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': It was a scheme worthy of ''me'', Kaiser, the way you got me riled up and turned me loose on this place! :'''Cameron Kaiser''': You...! You were supposed to destroy the casino! :'''Joker''': Yeah, but then I realized it'd be more fun to get rid of you and run the show myself! :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Bu-But you can't...! :'''Joker''': Oh please, Mr. Kaiser! You of all people should have realized there'd be a Joker in the deck! ''[laughs]'' ===''Tyger Tyger'' [1.42]=== :'''Dorian''': I want to test Tygrus' reflexes and feral strength, and who better to pit him against than you? I'll give you a generous head start before I release Tygrus. If you defeat him, I shall relinquish this, the antigen to reverse Catwoman's mutation. :'''Batman''': How do I know you'll keep your word? :'''Dorian''': You don't. The clock is ticking, Batman. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': So you ''can'' talk. :'''Tygrus''': My father taught me. :'''Batman''': Your father was a test tube. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': Batman! The antidote! I'll be stuck like this forever! :'''Tygrus''': Would that be so bad? You could stay here, with me. :'''Catwoman''': Oh, Tygrus... I can't live like this, I have to be human again. :'''Tygrus''': ''[sadly, taking her hands in his]'' Goodbye, Selina. :''[As he leaves, Catwoman sees that he has given here the serum. She looks overjoyed, then calls out to him]'' :'''Catwoman''': Wait - won't you come with us? There's nothing for you here. :'''Tygrus''': There's nothing for me anywhere. ''[disappears into the falling rain]'' :'''Batman''': ''[in voiceover]'' "[[w:The Tyger|Tyger Tyger burning bright, in the forests of the night: what immortal hand or eye, dare frame thy fearful symmetry?]]" ===''Moon Of The Wolf'' [1.43]=== :'''Professor Milo''': What you're suffering from is an early stage of lycanthropy, more commonly known as werewolfism; for that I have no treatment. However, advanced werewolfism can be cured. :'''Anthony Romulus''': ''[after a wolf howls, Anthony starts transforming]'' Ohhh, you fool! There's no telling what the werewolf might do! :'''Professor Milo''': Hey, ask me if I care. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Do me a favour, shaggy: stay down! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bullock''': No trace of Wolfie! We checked the shoreline for miles! But in four weeks, there's another full moon. Then we'll know for sure. ===''Day Of The Samurai'' [1.44]=== :''[Batman swoops away after rescuing his Sensei's student, Kairi]'' :'''Kairi''': ''[In Japanese]'' Spirit of the bat... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yoru''': If you see Batman, tell him I have great respect for him. :'''Bruce''': Why? He's as much a ninja as Kyodai was. :'''Yoru''': Not so. Batman offered to help his adversary, and a lesser man would have used the secrets of the Onemuri touch against his opponent. Batman is the essence of samurai, Wayne-san. You would do well to remember that. :'''Bruce''': ''[bows]'' Domo arigato, sensei. ===''Terror In The Sky'' [1.45]=== :'''Batman''': Reports of a huge bat creature the size of a man. Remind you of anybody? :'''Alfred''': Present company excluded? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You couldn't leave it alone, could you, March? You've recreated the mutagen. :'''March''': ''[aiming a tranquilizer rifle at him]'' Recreated it? I've ''refined'' it! At night, on my own, so the others wouldn't know. I still believe only a creature like a Man-Bat can survive the next evolutionary cataclysm - and it will! My new serum could be even more powerful than Kirk's! :'''Batman''': ''[after disarming March]'' "''Could'' be"? What do you mean? :'''March''': I needed to test it, but before I had the chance-- :'''Batman''': ''[clearly surprised]'' You mean you ''haven't'' taken it? :'''March''': Of course not! The experimental batch was destroyed. I'll have to-- :'''Batman''': Destroyed? How? :'''March''': I'd been working through the night. I was just completing the final combination. ''[remembers incident at his lab as he drops the beaker of mutagen upon Francine's surprise entry]'' Francine burst in. I was startled. You have to understand I was very tired, I accidentally dropped the beaker. The whole night's work, ruined! Francine never guessed what I was doing, she even helped me clean up the mess. All that... glass! ''[recalls Francine licking her finger after it is pricked by a small shard of glass]'' Oh... oh, my lord... Francine! The mutagen - it's in ''her'' bloodstream now! ''[breaks down at his folly as Batman loads a tranquilizer into a pistol of his and then gives March the formula paperwork]'' :'''Batman''': Is ''that'' what it's going to take? Your daughter's life, before you end this insanity? :''[Later that night, March burns the files]'' ===''Almost Got 'Im'' [1.46]=== :'''Joker''': I want a nice clean game, gentlemen. :'''Penguin''': That'll be a first. So, I hear 'you-know-who' nailed the Mad Hatter last week. :'''Joker''': No kidding. He sure gets around for one guy. :'''Two-Face''': Yeah, well that's where you're wrong. I don't think it IS one guy. :'''[[w:Killer Croc|Killer Croc]]''': Huh? :'''Two-Face''': The way I figure it, Gordon's got a bunch of 'em stashed someplace like a SWAT team. He wants you to think it's one guy, but- :'''Joker''': Meh. You're always seeing double. :'''Penguin''': It's obvious our caped friend suffered some crime-related trauma when he was younger. Perhaps an over-anxious mugger blew off a piece of his face. :'''Joker''': Sure! He could be all gross and disgusting under that mask! ''[as Two-Face crushes a milk carton]'' Uh, no offense, Harv. :'''Two-Face''': Just deal. :'''Killer Croc''': Well, ya know what ''I'' think? :'''Joker''': Not the robot theory again... :'''Killer Croc''': Well, he COULD be. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Two-Face''': Poison Ivy... :'''Poison Ivy''': It's been a long time Harvey. You're still looking...halfway decent. :'''Two-Face''': Half of me wants to strangle ya. :'''Poison Ivy''': And what's the other part want? :'''Two-Face''': To hit you with a truck! :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[to the others]'' We used to date. :'''Penguin/Joker''': Ah. ===''Birds Of A Feather'' [1.47]=== :'''[[w:Penguin (comics)|Penguin]]''': Say, who's there? Two-Face? Croc? Joker, old shoe? :'''Batman''': None of the above, Penguin. :'''Penguin''': Oh no, not you... :'''Batman''': Get used to it. Wherever you go, I'll be right behind you. :'''Penguin''': Precisely where you belong. But you needn't bother. Haven't you heard? I've reformed. Paid my debt to society, and all that. :'''Batman''': We'll see. I just came to tell you to keep your beak clean. :'''Penguin''': ''[grabs a can of rat poison]'' As long as you're here, won't you stay for a cappuccino? :''[Batman gives him an annoyed look before leaving]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Batman defeats a gang of thugs threatening the Penguin and Veronica]'' :'''Batman''': I knew you couldn't stay clean for more than one day. :'''Veronica''': Let him go! He didn't do anything. It was those brutes! :'''Batman''': ''[genuinely surprised]'' He wasn't with them? :'''Penguin''': That's right, you vulgar vigilante! In my day, I associated with a much higher class of riff-raff! :'''Veronica''': I'm so sorry, Ozzie. :'''Penguin''': As long as you weren't bruised, my peach. ''[kisses her hand]'' :'''Batman''': "Peach"? :'''Penguin''': Why don't you be a good masked man and ride off into the night? This time, ''I'll'' clean up after ''you.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Veronica''': Please, Oswald! If it's money you want, I can get you more! :'''Penguin''': ''SHUT UP!'' All I wanted from ''you'', dearie, was a little friendship. That would have cost you ''nothing.'' But now you'll pay! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Veronica''': Oswald? I really was growing fond of you. It's too bad this had to happen. :'''Penguin''': ''[coldly]'' I suppose it's true what they say: society is to blame. ''High'' society. ===''What Is Reality?'' [1.48]=== :'''Batman''': "Where does a 500 pound gorilla sleep?" "What's worse than a millipede with flat feet?" "How do you stuff five elephants into a compact car?" :'''Alfred''': Anywhere it wants, a giraffe with a sore throat, and two in the front seat, two in the back, and one in the trunk. :'''Batman''': Yeah, yeah. I know, I know. Any schoolboy knows those. But brain teasers are the Riddler's M.O. Not corny old jokes like these. :'''Alfred''': Perhaps the questions are the clues, not the answers. For example, they all seem to involve animals. :'''Batman''': Also numbers. A ''500'' pound gorilla. A millipede, meaning a thousand legs. And five elephants. Now let's convert them to Roman numerals. ''[he does, revealing the letters DMV]'' Look! :'''Alfred''': DMV... :'''Batman and Alfred''': Department of Motor Vehicles! :'''Alfred''': But I recall you mentioning he'd already obliterated his records there, so why return? :'''Batman''': For the hard copy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no tales. :'''Batman''': Another riddle, Nygma? :''[Four quarters and a single penny emerge from the return change chute]'' :'''Riddler''': It all makes sense when you add it up! :''[In the Batmobile]'' :'''Alfred''': Four quarters and a penny, sir? :'''Batman''': Penny... Penny... Cent... Red cent... Copper. It's made of copper. :'''Alfred''': And "copper" is another word for a policeman. :'''Batman''': And "no tails" would be heads. Police head... Quarters! :'''Alfred''': Police Headquarters. Bravo, sir! It does make "cents" when you add it up! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': He can't be online! I searched through every file. :'''Riddler''': You searched the software. Had you bothered to examine the hardware you would have discovered a cordless modem line. :'''Riddler''': A pity you can't earn extra lives in this game.Quite an experience being riddled with questions, isn't it, Batman :'''Robin''': Batman don't open that door Crazy Intent means Loco Motion! Batman finds himself on a chessboard: :'''Riddler''':Only Batman can put the King in check and you have to move according to the rules or its the end of the day :'''Robin''':They call you the dark Knight..so you have to move like a knight (If Batman fails to move as a knight it'll be "KNightfall" (!) :'''Riddler''':Careful, vigilante, you know what they say, "Curiosity killed the Bat". :'''Batman''': Can you solve it? :'''Robin''': Are you kidding? You're looking at the guy who solved the Baxter's Box puzzle in 37 seconds! Course, this time I don't have a sledge hammer... After escaping Riddler Virtual realty Traps, Batman tries to rescue Gordon from Riddler :'''Batman''': You may control this world, Nygma, but I still control myself! :'''Riddler''': The name is "Riddler"! Edward Nygma doesn't exist anymore! You may recall that he was once fired by an ungrateful employer! That was a private matter and was meant to remain one! :'''Batman''': Attempted homicide is never a "private matter", Nygma! :'''Riddler''': No, but it would have been if you hadn't interfered and turned Edward Nygma into a fugitive! So I deleted Nygma. Just as I'm about to delete you, Batman. :'''Batman''':Tell me this.. Riddler how can you spread your conscious thirty-two times..and still have the concentration to keep your world together? YOU CAN'T! Batman saves Gordon :'''Riddler''': No....NO..... I can escape that easy...but if the Planet was equitable...I'd still have my old Job....No...wait...I'M ...not Ready.....AHHHHH' :'''Gordon''': But we'll never find him :'''Batman''': I think he left us a clue..."If the planet were equitable, I'd still have my old job". :'''Robin''': Of course. If the "World's Fair," I'd still have my "Ex-position". Oh, give me a break. [Batman, Robin and Gordon find Riddler mind trapped in his virtual realty world] :'''Batman''': Looks like he didn't escape his virtual reality in time. :'''Robin''': You mean he's been trapped inside his own program? :'''Batman''': Could be and how to get him out may be a riddle no one can solve. ===''I Am The Night'' [1.49]=== :'''Batman''': A weary body can be dealt with. But a weary spirit? That's something else. Sometimes, old friend, I wonder if I'm really doing any good out there. :'''Alfred''': How can you doubt it? The lives you've saved, the criminals you've brought to justice-- :'''Batman''': I've put out a few fires, yes. Won a few battles. But the war goes on, Alfred. On and on... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Leslie Thompkins''': You seem quieter than usual tonight. :'''Batman''': Every year, I come here and wonder if it should be the last time. If I should put the past behind me, try to lead a normal life. :'''Dr. Thompkins''': [[George Santayana|Santayana]] says, "Those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it." :'''Batman''': He also said a fanatic is someone who redoubles his efforts while losing sight of his goal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I chose this life. I use the night - I ''became'' the night. Sooner or later, I'll go down. It might be the Joker, or Two-Face, or just some punk who gets lucky. My decision, no regrets. But I can't let anyone else pay for my mistakes. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': "[[Friedrich Nietzsche|When you look too long into the abyss, the abyss looks back through you.]]" Maybe it's time for Batman to return to the night that spawned him, before anyone else gets hurt! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[grabs Wizard]'' Up to your old tricks, I see. How about returning that suitcase to its owner? :'''Wizard''': Hey, man, I ''am'' the owner. :''[Batman, surprised, lets him go]'' :'''Wizard''': Y'know, I was kinda hoping I'd run into you. I'd been in those places like where you left me before. Heard the rap, wasn't impressed. But this time, it made sense. Maybe I was ready to hear it. So I'm heading back home. I guess I kinda owe it to you, Batman. You probably saved my life. I'll bet you hear this all the time. Look, I'm gonna miss my bus, I'll see you around. And... thanks. :''[Batman smiles as he watches Wizard leave]'' ===''Off Balance'' [1.50]=== :'''[[w:Talia al Ghul|Talia]]''': My contact lenses! I lost them when we fell! They counter the distortion effect. Without them, I'm as helpless as you. :'''Batman''': I don't do helpless. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Ra's al Ghul|Ra's al Ghul]]''': So even in defeat, the detective manages to achieve some small measure of victory. As you said, detective: this is not over. ===''The Man Who Killed Batman'' [1.51]=== :'''Joker''': You know, there's just one thing bothering me about your story, Sid. No body. No BATUS DELECTI so to speak. We need to pull a job tonight just to make sure. :'''Murphy, Joker's henchman''': Make sure what, boss? :'''Joker''': ''[surprised by Murphy's question]'' Why that old Batsy's bought the cave of course, and one more thing Murphy.....''[turning more annoyed]'' don't ask stupid questions. ''[pushes Murphy to the hyenas who scratch and lick him crazily, to Joker's satisfaction]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': I'll get the mop. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': When the cops come, stall them for awhile, just until Batman arrives. '' Got it?'' :'''Henchman''': Right, boss. :'''Joker''': ''[to Murphy, still scarred from the hyenas]'' Any questions, Murph? :'''Murphy''': No sir! :'''Joker''': ''[to Sid The Squid]'' Good man. And if Batman hasn't ''really'' gone to his final reward, ''we'll'' see that he gets there! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Dear friends... today is the day the Clown cried. And he cries not for the passing of one man, but for the death of a dream. The dream that he would someday taste the ultimate victory over his hated enemy. For it was the Batman who made me the happy soul I am today. How I agonized over the perfect way to thank him for that. Perhaps with a cyanide pie in the face. Or an exploding whoopie-cushion playfully planted in the Batmobile. But those dreams were dashed by the weaselly little gunsel sitting there in our midst. The cowardly insignificant gonif who probably got lucky when Batman slipped on the slime trail this loser left behind him. This mound of diseased hyena filth who's not fit to lick the dirt from my spats...! But I digress. The time for sorrow has passed. It's time to look to a future filled with smiles. And I'll be smiling again just as soon as we take that man THERE...and slap him in that box THERE...and roll him into that vat of acid THERE! Well that was fun...who's for Chinese?! ===''Mudslide'' [1.52]=== :'''Clayface''': ''[After civilians flee in terror upon seeing his true form]'' That's right, run! Run for your measly lives! Run from Clayface! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Clayface''': You've upstaged me for the last time, Batman. Time to bring down the curtain! ===''Paging The Crime Doctor'' [1.53]=== :'''Rupert Thorne''': You think you iced the Batman, huh? Heh heh heh... Not on your best day, Jake! I'd cover my back if I were you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce Wayne''': Bruce Wayne, Dr. Thorne. Thomas Wayne's son. Did you get my letter? :'''[[w:Joseph Campanella|Matthew Thorne]]''': Yes. Thomas Wayne... :'''Bruce Wayne''': I told you I can help with your legal costs, maybe even put in a good word with the judge. :'''Matthew Thorne''': Yes, but what do you get out of it? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Well, there is something you can do for me. :'''Matthew Thorne''': I knew it! I knew there'd be a catch. Sorry, Mr. Wayne. Matthew Thorne is no longer for sale! :'''Bruce Wayne''': I'm not looking for any illegal favors. :'''Matthew Thorne''': What then? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Something you know. Something only you can give me. ''[pause]'' Tell me about my father. :''[Dr. Thorne grins and camera pans out as he ushers Bruce to resume his seat]'' ===''Zatanna'' [1.54]=== :'''[[w:Zatanna|Zatanna]]''': What do you care about some leggy dame in nylons- or have I just answered my own question? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zatanna''': ''[About Batman's mask]'' What happened that made you put this on? :'''Batman''': A painful memory, and a promise. ===''The Mechanic'' [1.55]=== :'''The Penguin''': ''[furious at his men for stealing the wrong stamps by mistake]'' These are terrible! Terrible! :'''Eagleton''': ''[indignant]'' Come on, boss. Give me a break. We got you the stamps. What more do you want? :'''The Penguin''': ''[tossing the worthless stamps angrily]'' I wanted the rare ones! The reversed Audubons! These aren't worth enough to pay for the repairs to the limousine. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Earl Cooper''': ''[sees the damaged Batmobile]'' You been letting the kid drive again? :'''Robin''': Ha ha. Actually we were playing chicken with a penguin. :'''Batman''': Or three of his men. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Penguin is scrubbing license plates in prison]'' :'''Penguin''': ''[reading one]'' "1 BAT 4U"?! ''[breaks it in anger]'' ===''Harley and Ivy'' [1.56]=== :'''Joker''': NO, we didn't get the diamond! The Dork Knight showed up before we even got to the museum! I had a great shot at him, too. Except... my dear little Harley Quinn handed me the wrong gun! :'''Harley Quinn''': But puddin', it was kinda funny watching you shoot at him with the bang flag! ''[Rocco and Henshaw can't help laughing then stifle it as the Joker glares at them]'' :'''Joker''': ''[turning back to Harley]'' Funny? You presume to tell me what I should think is funny?!? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[Poison Ivy trips the alarm, spoiling and hers and Harley Quinn's separate robberies]'' Nice going, butterfingers! Why not turn on the Bat-Signal while you're at it? :'''Poison Ivy''': I wasn't TRYING to get caught! :'''Harley Quinn''': Could've fooled me! Hey, aren't you that plant lady Poison Oakie? :'''Poison Ivy''': Ivy! Poison IVY, not Oakie! :'''Harley Quinn''': Sorry! Harley Quinn, please to meet ya! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Poison Ivy is about to give an injection to Harley Quinn]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': I hate shots! I hate shots! :'''Poison Ivy''': Now, now. You're not immune to poison like I am, and you won't last ten minutes here in Toxic Acres without my antidote. ''[gives the injection]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': Oooh! Whew, you'd think after livin' with Mr. J, I'd be used to a little pain. :'''Poison Ivy''': Why do you put up with that clown? :'''Harley Quinn''': Don't get me wrong. My puddin's a little rough sometimes, but he loves me, really. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[sarcastically]'' Sure he does. You're just one big, forgiving doormat, aren't you? :'''Harley Quinn''': I am NOT a doormat! ...Am I? :'''Poison Ivy''': If you had a middle name, it would be Welcome. But cheer up, kid. You just need some lessons in good old female self-esteem. In other words, let's play with the boys on ''our'' terms. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': That should keep you big strong men busy while we weak little girls loot your trophy room. :'''Harley Quinn''': Gee, Ives, you got style! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[sighs softly]'' No offense, Ives, but I'm not very hungry. Somehow I don't feel like my old perky self. Something's missing. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[angrily slams her form on Harley's plate]'' Will you stop?! I can't believe you're still mooning over that psychotic creep! :'''Harley Quinn''': Well, maybe I'd feel better if I knew he missed me, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': HARLEY!!! This place is going to blinking blue blazes! Anybody seen my socks?! '''HARLEY!!!''' ''[the hyenas snarl at Joker]'' OH!! They snapped at me! What's going on, Rock? This place is a mess, no one's fed the hyenas and I can't find my socks! Where's Harley?! :'''Rocko''': Y-y-ya canned her, boss. Remember? :'''Joker''': So? She's always come back before. :'''Rocko''': Gee... I guess ya ain't seen the papers then. :'''Joker''': Papers?! What are you babbling about?! ''[snatches the newspaper from Rocko and reads an article of Harley's partnership with Poison Ivy]'' '''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!''''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[to Poison Ivy]'' I remember when I would go driving like this with Mr. J. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[imitating Harley Quinn]'' "Mr. J, Mr. J." Oh, change the record, Harl! You wanna be some wacko's victim the rest of your life?! ===''Shadow Of The Bat Part 1'' [1.57]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[indignant after reading about James Gordon's arrest]'' We'll see about this. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara Gordon]]''': So Batman can't help me? Fine. Let's see what Batgirl can do! ===''Shadow Of The Bat Part 2'' [1.58]=== :'''Two-Face''': Don't get wise with me, Mason. Remember who got you set up as Gordon's assistant? :'''Gil Mason''': Right, Harvey, right. :'''Two-Face''': ''[grabs him]'' Don't call me that! It's TWO-FACE to you, pretty boy! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I should've known it would be Two-Face. It's a perfect two-part plan. He consolidates the gangs while Mason takes over the police. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Gil Mason is about to murder James Gordon to become commissioner, and later mayor]'' :'''Gil Mason''': It's business, Jim. Nothing personal. Matter of fact, I respect you, I do. But a fellow has to take his opportunities where he finds them. And with you out of the way, I'll be mayor inside of a year! :'''Gordon''': You're SICK, Gil! ''[glances at Two-Face]'' A lot sicker than him! At least I can see his bad half! :'''Mason''': Sorry you feel that way. At least you won't have to worry about Barbara. I'll take good care of her. She's very fond of me, you know. :'''Gordon''': You piece of scum! I may not be able to stop you, but I know someone who will! :'''Mason''': I wouldn't get your hopes up. You see, there's been a recent decline in the bat population... ===''Blind As A Bat'' [1.59]=== :'''Penguin''': Your aim appears to be a little off today, Batman. I don't think you could hit the broad side of a barn, let alone the broad side of this bird! You're blind as a bat. Sightless and helpless. :'''Batman''': You've got ''one'' right. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': You have a call on your private line. :'''Bruce''': Then let's go! :'''Alfred''': In your condition, sir? :'''Bruce''': If you think a little inconvenience like this is going to stop me... :''[he knocks over a lamp]'' :'''Alfred''': Indeed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': ''[contacting Mayor Hill's office from the Raven]'' Quite a machine, this Raven. Amazing what its communications equipment can do. Don't you agree? You've received my instructions? :'''Mayor Hill''': They arrived by messenger this morning. You know, one-hundred million is a a lot of money. It'll take time to raise that much. :'''Penguin''': You're stalling, Hill. Obviously, you're not taking me seriously. I've warned you not to make that mistake. Apparently, I'll have to show you why. :''[shuts off communication and Hill angrily snaps his pencil in half]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Hill''': Just what I was afraid of. According to the controller's office, we can't come close to putting that ransom together. Not without shutting down basic municipal services. :'''Detective Bullock''': So what other options do we got? :'''Batman''': ''[emerging from the shadows]'' None, gentlemen. Which is why you're going to do exactly what the Penguin wants you to. ===''The Demon's Quest Part 1'' [1.60]=== :'''Ra's al Ghul''': As [[W:Napoleon|Napoleon]] told me, "A strong will can fuel a frail physique." <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Look at it, detective. One of the last of the rainforests. The world depends upon its oxygen, yet the rich see only profit in its destruction. You, who belong to the overclass, have much to answer for. :'''Batman''': Bruce Wayne donates millions of dollars a year to preserve these forests. :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Which are being depleted at the rate of 120,000 acres a day. Does your money solve this problem? No! It will take more than wealth. It will take power, and I fear, ruthlessness. Humankind must be forced to serve the planet instead of its own appetites. :'''Batman''': And you're the one who'll do the forcing? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': I am... qualified, yes. But I may not have sufficient lifetimes left to me. ===''The Demon's Quest Part 2'' [1.61]=== :'''Ubu''': Infidel! :'''Batman''': If you only knew how sick I am of you calling me that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ra's al Ghul''': The material of the Pit is an unknown chemical stew that bubbles to the Earth's surface only in certain key places. Even now, my people are placing bombs, such as that one, over the various Lazarus Pits around the world. These bombs are electronically linked to a private satellite already in Earth orbit. :'''Batman''': ''Orpheus''. :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Precisely. And at the moment when sun and moon are in proper alignment to cause the greatest upheaval in Earth's geomagnetic field, I shall send a signal to that satellite, beginning a countdown. Five minutes thereafter, one bomb will be lowered deep into the heart of each Pit. The satellite will in turn relay a microwave signal that will detonate all the bombs simultaneously. The multiple explosions will result in a global chain reaction. All the Lazarus Pits throughout the world will overflow. The globe will be saturated with their chemical solution, and when the resultant cataclysm has abated, there will come a blessed peace, and this poor, defiled planet shall find itself restored to its former pristine glory. :'''Batman''': But that will cost countless lives! :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Actually, Detective, we ''have'' counted: Two billion, fifty-six million, nine hundred and eighty-six thousand! A most impressive plan, would you not agree? :'''Batman''': Yes... I can see it clearly now for the first time. You are completely out of your mind. ===''His Silicon Soul'' [1.62]=== :'''Rossum''': You don't understand. You're not a man's mind in a robot's body. You're a robot. Period. :'''Bat-Duplicant''': You're lying! It's not possible! I know my family and friends! I remember names, faces, birthdays! I have memories! A past! :'''Rossum''': You have information. Data. Nothing more. Do you remember your first kiss? Your favorite song? The last time you tasted a really good steak? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[about the duplicant]'' Could it be it had a soul, Alfred? A soul of silicon, but a soul nonetheless. ===''Fire From Olympus'' [1.63]=== :'''Stavros''': Please! It's not what you think. I wasn't going to say anything. Honest! :'''[[w:Maxie Zeus|Maximillion "Maxie" Zeus]]''': Silence! First, you transgress against me. Then, you force me to descend to the mortal plane. And now, you tell me I know not what I think?! :'''Stavros''': No! :'''Zeus''': To the depths of Tartarus with you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zeus''': You bore me with these tales of petty human concerns. :'''Clio''': ''[annoyed]'' You're doing it again, Max. :'''Zeus''': You are Clio, my muse of history. Amuse me with tales of ancient times when mortals trembled at the name of Zeus. :'''Clio''': You want a story? I got one. Seems there was this guy named Max who, because he'd been lucky so far in the smuggling racket, believed himself to be untouchable, superior, godlike... :'''Zeus''': There's a cynical edge to your voice I don't appreciate. Know you not, I am above mortal constraints of right and wrong? :'''Clio''': No one is above the law, Max. :'''Zeus''': I make my own laws! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zeus''': Begone, Lord [[w:Hades|Hades]]. Get thee back to thine own realm. Do not come again to Olympus until bidden! :'''Batman''': I think I get the message. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Clio''': ''[telling Batman about Zeus]'' He wasn't always this way, you know. But then business got bad and he started handling cargo for the mob. After a while, with the pressure, the tension... things got confused. He's not living in the real world anymore. ''[awkwardly]'' Maybe you can relate to that? :'''Batman''': ''[after a short silence]'' You're the only one who can get me close enough to help him - while some of the man you knew still exists. ===''Read My Lips'' [1.64]=== :'''Batman''': How do you think I found this place? The phone book? I had help. ''Inside'' help. :'''[[w:Ventriloquist (comics)|Scarface]]''': My premonition! I knew I was right! Which one of you louses is it?! :'''Rhino''': It ain't me boss! :'''Scarface''': I know it ain't you, Rhino! You're too stupid to be a traitor! :'''Rhino''': Thanks, boss. :'''Scarface''': But whoever it is, they're gonna pay big time! Who is it?! You don't talk, you get the ultimate massage! :'''Batman''': And if I tell? :'''Scarface''': Maybe you just get run over by a truck. :'''Batman''': Tempting, but no. :'''Scarface''': Have it your way. Rhino! :''[Rhino gets ready to pull the lever to lower Batman to a pit of mannequins with razor-sharp fingernails]'' :'''Batman''': Hold it! :'''Scarface''': This is gettin' old, Bats. Last chance, who's the traitor? :'''Batman''': Him! The Ventriloquist! :''[everyone glares at the Ventriloquist]'' :'''Ventriloquist''': No, no! He's lying! I told you when he came into my room! :'''Scarface''': So what? Maybe you did 'cause I had ya cornered. Heard ya talkin' to Batman. :'''Batman''': ''[uses his own ventriloquism to imitate the Ventriloquist]'' Shut up, you blockhead! :'''Scarface''': WHAT DID YOU SAY?! :'''Ventriloquist''': It wasn't me! I didn't say that! My lips didn't move! :'''Scarface''': So what?! You're a ventriloquist! You're also a lyin' yellow liver-bellied two-face! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, Scarface! I'm loyal! I'd never! :'''Batman''': He's been feeding me information, in return for legal protection. ''[imitates the Ventriloquist again]'' You're going up the river, sawdust-for-brains! :'''Scarface''': Why, I oughta...! Waste the floor-flusher! Come on, I gave an order! ICE HIM! DO IT! DO IT NOW! :'''Muggsy''': But, boss, we ventilate the Ventriloquist, your, y'know... :'''Scarface''': I'M SURROUNDED BY TRAITORS! Okay, fine. Ya want something done right, do it yourself! ''[aims his gun at the Ventriloquist]'' ===''The Worry Men'' [1.65]=== :'''Veronica''': If ever someone led a worry-free life, it's you, Bruce Wayne. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce''': Tell me, Alfred: what's an ancient Mayan witch doctor doing on a Gotham skyscraper? :'''Alfred''': This isn't one of those Riddler questions, is it? :'''Bruce''': No, but it's just as confusing. <hr width="50%"/> :''[As Batman attempts to escape from his guillotine]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Oh, you're a clever one! But I will not be denied! As the great [[w:Lewis Carroll|Lewis Carroll]] said: "[[w:Jabberwocky|One, two, one, two, and through and through the vorpal blade went snicker-snack! He left it dead, and with its head, he went galumphing back!]]" <hr width="50%"/> :''[Freed from his mind control, the Mad Hatter's jaguar gang turn on him]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Stop! :'''Shaman''': Yes, stop. Leave him to the police. :'''Mad Hatter''': Thank you. Thank you, you generous, forgiving, ''[draws a gun from his hat]'' noble fool! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': I must say, after all the Hatter put him through, that fellow showed remarkable restraint. :'''Bruce''': When everything was said and done, all the shaman really wanted was to go home. In fact, I hear he even sent the Hatter a farewell gift. :''[The Hatter is seen tossing and turning in bed in Arkham]'' :'''Bruce''': Something to ensure that Jervis Tetch only dreams of a good honest life from now on. :''[A Batman doll is revealed from under the Hatter's pillow]'' ==Season 2== ===''Sideshow'' [2.1]=== :'''Killer Croc''': You know, there's something the brains back at the joint didn't think about. :'''Prison Guard''': Yeah, what's that? :'''Killer Croc''': Crocodile's got the strongest jaws of any animal around. ''[bites his handcuffs in half]'' :'''Prison Guard''': ''[spits the coffee out of his mouth and pins Croc with the shotgun]'' Get back! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman arrives with his shadow. Goliath wakes up and Batman covers Goliath's mouth by calming him down]'' :'''Batman''': Calm down, I won't hurt you. I'm just looking for someone: half man, half crocodile. ''[Goliath looks over worriedly]'' He's in there, isn't he? :'''Goliath''': ''[Pushes Batman to the cage]'' No! Stay away! ''[Holds him against it]'' He's one of us. Croc, run! :'''Batman''': ''[Kicks Goliath into the stomach]'' I don't wanna hurt you. :'''Goliath''': Don't worry, you won't. ''[Hits Batman with the big punch and Batman and Goliath starts fighting]'' :'''Killer Croc''': ''[Comes out of the house]'' You. ''[Gives Batman a spear]'' :'''Billy''': Richard, help! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Billy the Seal Boy''': Why, Croc? Why'd you turn on us like that? We could have helped you, we could have done something. :'''Killer Croc''': You said you can be yourself out here, remember? Well, I guess that's what I was doing - being myself. ===''A Bullet For Bullock'' [2.2]=== :'''Bullock''': Let's get something straight from the get-go. I think you're a freak and a menace, and those are your ''good'' points. But the commish says you serve a purpose, so I go along. :'''Batman''': I appreciate your honesty. What's the problem? :'''Bullock''': Somebody's got it in for me. Tried to give me a fender massage last night. It ain't the first time. Last week too. :'''Batman''': Any suspects? :'''Bullock''': So many, they could have their own zip code. I've put a lot of guys away, and they hate me for it. Looks like one of them hates me enough to do something about it. :'''Batman''': Why me? Why not just go to the department? :'''Bullock''': I step on a lot of toes. I don't want Internal Affairs looking at me too close. They might find some things I don't want found. :'''Batman''': Are you on the take? :'''Bullock''': Watch it, freak! I never took a dime from nobody! I just bend the rules a little sometimes, you understand. We're not all that different. :'''Batman''': We're on the same side, but we're ''not'' the same. I'll help you find out who's after you, but you've got to collar them clean. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': We ''are'' speaking of the same person, are we not? Harvey Bullock? The detective who looks like an unmade bed? :'''Batman''': The same. :'''Alfred''': He came to ''you'' for help? It must be serious. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Montoya''': Bullock? You okay? You don't look so good. I mean, you never look good, but today you look worse. :'''Bullock''': After fifteen years working in this cesspool, I'd like to see how good ''you'' look! <hr width="50%"/> :''[In the Batmobile]'' :'''Bullock''': Nice starship you got here. What's this for? ''[points towards a button]'' :'''Batman''': Passenger ejector seat. :''[Bullock withdraws nervously, while Batman smirks slightly]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bullock''': By the way, I still think you're a freak, but... thanks. ===''Trial'' [2.3]=== :'''Two-Face''': Basic fifty-fifty option. You get him off, you both go free. He goes down, you take the fall with him. :'''Mad Hatter''': Amusing idea, what? Kidnapping you to be Batman's attorney? :'''Two-Face''': Personally, I suggested a quick slug between the eyes... but I lost the coin toss. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarface''': Court is now in session! The Good People of Arkham Asylum vs. the Self-Righteous Vigilante Called Batman! Our prosecutor is ready, likewise our fair and impartial jury. :'''Mad Hatter''': Hang him! :'''Harley''': Shoot him! :'''Killer Croc''': Hit him with a rock! :'''Scarface''': And now, all rise for the most honorable, most benevolent, most merciful Judge Joker! :'''Joker''': GUILTY! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I was promised a chance to defend my client! :'''Joker''': Oh, very well. Like it'll make a difference. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I suppose that you, like your friends, claim that Batman ''drove'' you to be a criminal? :'''Mad Hatter''': He did. :'''Janet Van Dorn''': And yet, as I recall in your case, you brainwashed and kidnapped a woman who rejected you. :'''Mad Hatter''': Batman forced me to do it! He was going to take her away from me! I had no choice! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': You could have respected her wishes and left her alone. :'''Mad Hatter''': I'D HAVE KILLED HER FIRST! ''[gasps and covers his mouth, then turns to the Joker]'' I'd like that last statement stricken from the record, please. :'''Joker''': Record? Is someone supposed to be writing this down? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': And so it's Batman's fault you lead a life of crime? :'''Poison Ivy''': He should have let me bump off Harvey Dent. We'd all have been better off - wouldn't we, Harv? :'''Two-Face''': ''[muttering while flipping his coin]'' Why, you rotten little... :'''Janet Van Dorn''': But Miss Isley, isn't the real motivation for your crimes your obsession with plants? That you prefer them to people? :'''Poison Ivy''': I love plants, honey, but a rose is a rose. :'''Janet Van Dorn''': Then it doesn't bother you when someone, let's say the judge here, ''[plucks the flower from the Joker's robe]'' ruthlessly ''plucks'' a defenceless flower from the warm green earth? :'''Poison Ivy''': No! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': Even knowing he's given it his death sentence? That its petals must die? ''[starts pulling its petals out]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': Stop it...! :'''Poison Ivy''': One by one, withering, falling. One by one till it's all gone, ''honey.'' :''[She crushes the flower so that it crumbles apart. Ivy shrieks with rage and attacks her, and the Scarecrow and Mad Hatter rush in to restrain her]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Miss Ivy, please! :'''Scarface''': You look beautiful when you're angry. :''[Ivy smacks the Ventriloquist in the face, and Scarface laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I used to believe Batman was responsible for you people. But now I see nearly everyone here would have ended up exactly the same, Batman or not. Oh, the gimmicks might be different, but you'd all be out there in some form or another bringing misery to Gotham. The truth is, ''you'' created ''him.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Well done, counsellor. You've proven that Batman ''didn't'' create us - that we, in fact, messed up our own rotten lives! And as we are so rotten, vile and depraved... we're going to waste you anyway! :''[The inmates cheer and close in on Batman and Janet]'' :'''Joker''': [[w:Porky Pig|A-bi-a-bi-a-bi, that's all, folks!]] ''[bangs down a rubber chicken]'' Let's mambo! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I see now there's a need for the things you do. But I'm still going to work towards a city that doesn't need Batman. :'''Batman''': ''[smiling]'' Me too. ===''Avatar'' [2.4]=== :'''Lucius Fox''': Without a doubt, this will be one of the best museum exhibitions Gotham City has ever seen. You can be quite the humanitarian on occasion, Bruce. It's commendable. It's inspiring. :'''Bruce''': It's deductible. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce''': You've got a serious priority problem, Ra's. What can be in that tomb that's more valuable than the love of your daughter? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Power, detective. The power once held by almighty Thoth-Khepera, Queen of Two Continents. :'''Bruce''': You surprise me, Ra's. The world's oldest chauvinist chasing after a woman? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Thoth-Khepera was not simply a woman, detective, nor merely a ruler. Through her flowed the power of the gods. With no more than a gesture, she controlled the force of life and death, and with it, she kept a nation under her thumb for one thousand years. :'''Bruce''': You sound like a bad Saturday afternoon serial, Ra's. This is sheer nonsense. :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': No, detective - I know there is a power there to be tapped! My six hundred years of life are proof of that power. :''[Bruce and Talia are trapped in a glass booth]'' :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Farewell, detective. Farewell, Talia. It is said that one finds one's immortality in one's offspring. Alas, I know that to be a lie. ===''House and Garden'' [2.5]=== :'''Batman''': She's done nothing more incriminating than return an overdue video - even paid the late fee. :'''Alfred''': Could it be Ivy truly has reformed? :'''Batman''': I want to believe it. Why can't I? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You haven't changed a bit. :'''Poison Ivy''': Yes, I have. I meant it when I said I wanted a family that loves me. I just wanted it on my terms. :'''Robin''': Lady, you're nuts! :'''Poison Ivy''': Well, that's ''your'' opinion. Probably the last one you'll ever have, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': I'm just sorry she got away. :'''Batman''': Me too, Robin. But I don't think we'll see her again anytime soon. :''[The real Ivy is shown escaping on a plane out of Gotham, looking through a scrapbook]'' :'''Batman''': Ivy lost everything she had, everything she said she ever wanted. For what it's worth, I believed her when she told me that for the first time in her life... she was happy. :''[Ivy sheds tears as she looks at a photo of her wedding]'' ===''The Terrible Trio'' [2.6]=== :'''Warren''': Is this all you do for kicks, Bruce? Charity work? :'''Bruce''': Well, I do have a night life. Pull! ''[shoots down a clay pigeon]'' Besides, it's important to help others. It may sound corny, but hey, it's how I feel. :'''Warren''': You must recognize that you are a superior animal, Bruce. A member of the elite. Pull! ''[shoots down another clay pigeon]'' Take my Delta brothers and me. Why, we've run with the bulls! :'''Armand''': Shot game from hot air balloons! :'''Gunther''': Killed a great white! :'''Warren''': We've done it all. Ah, therein lies the problem. After all, what do the rajas do when there are no more tigers to hunt? :'''Bruce''': I'm sure you'll think of something, Warren. ''[leaves]'' :'''Warren''': Dollar for dollar, that has to be the dullest man in Gotham City. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Scoundrels like these are worse than the Joker. At least he's got madness as an excuse! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Let's go, Fox. You've raided your last chicken coop. :'''Warren''': Wait, wait a minute! We can make a deal! A million dollars to let me go! ''Ten'' million! Think about it. Buys a lot of Batarangs! :'''Batman''': ''[unimpressed]'' Your money's no good here. :'''Warren''': Okay, fine! Go ahead, take me in, hero! I've got every judge in town in my pocket! You'll see! I'll get justice! The best that money can buy! :''[Next, Warren is seen being ushered into a cell at Stonegate, where his burly new cellmate gives him a menacing look]'' ===''Harlequinade'' [2.7]=== :'''Harley''': ''[in handcuffs]'' I sense a lack of trust. :'''Robin''': Are you sure you don't need help keeping Zippy under control? :''[Harley picks the lock on her cuffs while Batman speaks]'' :'''Batman''': I'm fine. Besides, I need you to be ready if Gordon's men get any leads. I'll signal if there's trouble. :'''Robin''': You got it. :'''Harley''': I wanna listen to the radio! ''[reaches for the controls]'' :'''Batman''': DON'T--! :''[Harley Quinn deploys a parachute, causing the Batmobile to swerve wildly. When the Batmobile stops, Batman is furious]'' :'''Harley''': ''[timidly]'' Oops... :'''Batman''': Listen, and listen good. You don't touch anything, say anything, or DO ANYTHING UNLESS I TELL YOU! GOT IT?! :'''Harley''': Yes, sir. :'''Batman''': ''[turns away, Harley begins making faces at him]'' So far, Joker hasn't been seen in any of his old hideouts. I want you to show me the last place he used when he escaped. ''[catches her making a face, which she replaces with a sheepish grin]'' :'''Harley''': Okay! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Instead of taking you, the cops, and the Batman down separately? I'm gonna blast you all at once! ''[takes out his phone and speaks into it]'' Send down the plane, boys! We're blowing town! Literally. ''[gets off the phone]'' :'''Mayor''': But all those innocent people... :'''Joker''': Some joke on them, eh? Think of it as the ultimate punchline! Ha ha ha ha ha! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': It's lucky you were here, Quinn. The countdown sequence didn't leave Joker enough time to swing by Arkham and pick you up. :'''Joker''': Quiet, brat. :'''Harley''': You ''were'' gonna come for me, weren't you, Puddin'? :'''Joker''': Of course, pumpkin-pie! It's just that... well, here you are, so I can, err, save myself the trip! :'''Harley''': But what about all our friends, Ivy and Two-Face and... Hat-Guy and Lizard-Man and Puppet-Head and-- ''[Joker shoves her into the plane]'' :'''Joker''': What about them? :'''Batman''': Don't forget your little pets! :'''Harley''': ''[gasps]'' The babies! We can't leave the babies! :'''Joker''': ''[shoves Harley into the plane again]'' I'll buy you a goldfish! Let's go! :'''Harley''': ''[struggling]'' NO! :'''Joker''': Why, you little...! :''[Harley kicks him in the face]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley''': ''[points the gun against Joker]'' Freeze, clown! :'''Batman''': Quinn, stop! :'''Harley''': He's mine, Bats! :'''Joker''': ''[grinning]'' You wouldn't dare. You don't have the guts! Not in a million years would you-- :''[Harley pulls the trigger - and a flag that reads "Rat-Tat-Tat" comes out of the barrel. The Joker stares at her for a moment, and throws his arms wide to embrace her]'' :'''Joker''': Baby, you're the greatest! ===''Time Out Of Joint'' [2.8]=== :'''Mayor Hill''': You! How did you get past-- :'''The Clock King''': Good evening, Mayor! Nice to see you again too. And whose life are you ruining now? A poor pensioner? A malnourished orphan, perhaps? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Hill''': Please, Fugate, don't hurt me! :'''The Clock King''': If it's any comfort, my revenge will encompass more than just you. I intend to pass a most timely sentence on the entire judicial system. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': It's a shame that you've decided to keep this device a secret. :'''Dr. Wataki''': It would seem that the world is not quite ready for it yet. :'''Robin''': Gee, that's too bad for Fugate. I'm sure he'll wish he had something to make the days pass quicker where he's going. ===''Catwalk'' [2.9]=== :'''Scarface''': Calm down, pussycat. We're all friends here. ''[to the Ventriloquist]'' Dummy, don't keep our pretty guest in the dark. :'''Ventriloquist''': Yes, sir, Mr. Scarface. ''[turns on the lot, revealing him and Scarface]'' :'''Scarface''': Ah, that's better. :'''Selina Kyle''': ''[gasps]'' You gotta be kidding! ''[laughs]'' :'''Scarface''': What's she laughin' at? My fly ain't open, is it?! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, sir. :'''Scarface''': So what's the gag? :'''Selina Kyle''': Oh come on, you know! ''[in a goofy voice]'' "What's the gag?" :'''Scarface''': ''[aims his gun at Selina]'' Can it, sister! This is Scarface you're dealing with, and I don't stand for no disrespect. :'''Ventriloquist''': I'd do as he says, ma'am. Mr. Scarface can be quite insistent. :'''Scarface''': I don't think anyone's talking to you! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, sir. No, sir. :'''Selina Kyle''': Right... so, what do you want with me? :'''Scarface''': My boys happened to be in the museum when they saw your little set-to with Miss Ronnie V. They also seen you licking your whiskers at the sight of Ronnie's pretty sparklers. :'''Selina Kyle''': You're boring me, log. :''[the Ventrloquist pulls out an envelope from his coat]'' :'''Scarface''': So what if I could provide you with a foolproof plan to snatchin' those rocks with no risk of you gettin' caught? :'''Selina Kyle''': Pass. Kitty's been staying it at night. It's not the greatest, but it beats the pound, if you know what I mean. :'''Scarface''': Now, that's a darn shame. And I thought for sure you'd want a chance to get even with the Vreelands. Not just for yourself, ya understand, but for all those poor little stuffed critters what never had the chance to fight back. :'''Selina Kyle''': Oh, barf. :'''Scarface''': It's a 50/50 cut. Take it or leave it? You in or what? :''[Selina thinks about it for a while then picks up the envelope]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': What a pleasant surprise. Though I should warn you - breaking and entering is against the law. :'''Batman''': You would know. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarface''': [[w:Tweety|I thawt I thaw a putty tat!]] <hr width="50%"/> :''[Catwoman crushes Scarface under some logs]'' :'''Catwoman''': That's one way to remove a splinter. What's wrong, Ventriloquist? Cat got your tongue? :'''Ventriloquist''': Please, I never hurt you! Scarface, he's another person, not me, really! :'''Catwoman''': But he's inside you somewhere. And I'm going to keep scratching until I find him. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': [[w:Just So Stories|I am the cat who walks by herself.]] ===''Bane'' [2.10]=== :'''Thorne''': You almost didn't get paid. You're lucky these diamonds didn't get nabbed in the smuggling bust. :'''[[w:Bane (comics)|Bane]]''': No, Mr. Thorne. You are the lucky one. ''[He punches the punching bag across the room]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': He wrecked my car, Alfred. Between two guys, that's ''real'' personal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bane''': Toys. You try to fight me with pathetic little TOYS. You've got nothing! Beg for mercy! SCREAM MY NAME! :'''Batman''': Never. :'''Bane''': You are beaten! Now I will break you! ===''Baby-Doll'' [2.11]=== :'''Robin''': ''[on "Love That Baby"]'' I remember this show from when I was a kid. It still stinks. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At Wayne Manor, Summer Gleeson is on the telephone talking to Marv Wolfman at her office.]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': I don't care what Mayor Hill says. The people have a right to know, and if he won't talk to us-- ''[Batman drops a photo of Baby-Doll onto her desk]'' I'll call you back, Marv. ''[to Batman and Robin]'' Since when are you interested in has-been actors? :'''Batman''': Since that one's been kidnapping her co-stars. :'''Summer Gleeson''': You're serious? :'''Robin''': She's been picking them off, one by one. Any reason she'd have a grudge? :'''Summer Gleeson''': Actually, ''they'' should hate ''her.'' Dahl put them all out of work when she quit the series to become a "dramatic" actress. :''[Summer plays a video of Mary Dahl playing Lady Macbeth]'' :'''Mary Dahl''': What, will these hands never be clean? Here's the smell of the blood still. All the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand. :'''Robin''': Pee-yew! :'''Summer Gleeson''': That's what the critics said. Baby's dramatic career flopped, and when she tried to start her TV show again, the networks turned her down. :'''Batman''': That still doesn't explain why she's after her old cast. :'''Robin''': ''[picks up a cassette]'' Maybe there's a clue in these old episodes. :'''Summer Gleeson''': You can borrow them if you want. And when you crack the case, you can pay me back with an exclusive... ''[turns to see that they have gone]'' interview. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': Naughty, naughty, Daddys! Mustn't yell at your Baby like thats. :'''Tod Baker''': You're not my daughter, and we're not a family! We're actors, remember?! You cancelled our show because you whined you weren't getting enough attention! :'''Baby-Doll''': ''[putting on a sad face]'' But I knows now I made a boo-boo! ''[sniffles and breaks character]'' It was hard for me out there. I studied and trained and auditioned, but no one wanted me. ''[plays the sound of a crowd going "Aww..." on her tape recorder]'' Over the years, I remembered how happy I was with all of you around me, and the folks at home watching me each week. Me, ''[goes back into her "cute" voice]'' Baby-Doll! ''[giggles]'' Now I'm Baby for good, and everyone will love me agains! Hugs, hugs! :''[Her goons force the actors to share a hug with her, and she plays the "Aww..." again]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': ''[watching episodes of Baby Doll's old TV show]'' Remember that time Poison Ivy nearly smothered us in those vines, with the ''really'' sharp thorns? :'''Batman''': Yes. :'''Robin''': This is worse. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': ''[after her TV brother is rendered unconscious by her bodyguard]'' Sorry I had to play roughs, Tippy. I didn't mean to. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': ''[Mariam kicks Robin around]'' Wow, lady! You're good! :'''Mariam''': It's a living... <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman pursues Baby-Doll in a funhouse tunnel maze]'' :'''Baby-Doll''': Silly Mr. Batman can't catch me! :'''Batman''': Don't run away! I know you're scared, confused - I can help you! :'''Baby-Doll''': Liar, liar, cape on fire! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': Game's over, Mr. Batman! ''[laughs]'' I WIN! ''[Batman fires his grappling gun, knocking the doll-gun down a slide]'' No fair! ''[runs to retrieve it, and stumbles into a room full of fun-house mirrors. Picks up the gun, wandering through the various distorted reflections, until she comes to one that shows her as an adult]'' Look! That's me in there. The ''real'' me! There I am... ''[touches the reflection, and her face changes]'' ...But it's not ''really'' real, is it? Just... made up and pretend, like my family and my life and everything else! ''[turns to face Batman, who stands behind her]'' '''''WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST LET ME MAKE-BELIEVE?!''''' ''[fires at mirrors, and cries after breaking the mirror with her adult reflection. Batman approaches her]'' I didn't ''mean'' to... ===''The Lion And The Unicorn'' [2.12]=== :''[Alfred breaks a chair over a thug's head.]'' :'''Robin''': And here all I thought you dusted was furniture. :'''Alfred''': A [[w:Louis XV|Louis Quinze]]; what a pity. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred Pennyworth''': ''[after being drugged with a truth serum]'' You'll get nothing but gibberish out of me, madam. I come from haunts of cootenfern and knicker sudden Sally. Uh... dee-dum dee-dum dee-dum dee-dum, and bicker down the valley. :'''Red Claw''': And people wonder why no one takes Britain seriously anymore. ===''Showdown'' [2.13]=== :'''Sheriff''': Well, well. Jonah Hex, his own bad self. Been here five minutes and you ain't killed nobody nor set nothin' on fire. Slippin', ain't you? :'''[[w:Jonah Hex|Jonah Hex]]''': I'm still a little bushed. :'''Sheriff''': Fact is, you look a little past it, Hex. Not tired, just all used up. :'''Hex''': Well, when I get pushed, I can still shoot a fly out from between its wings. Provided the light's right, of course... and it's a big ''plump'' fly. :''[The sheriff glances down at his own portly figure. Two other bargoers retreat outside, sensing trouble.]'' :'''Sheriff''': I ain't got nothin' on you, Hex... yet. Just remember, them wanted posters say "dead or alive". You might try "alive" this time. :'''Hex''': First time for everything. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duvall''': It would appear we have ourselves a government spy. A rather disreputable-looking one at that. Well, Mr. Spy, I'd say your plan has failed, and the railroad is doomed. :'''Hex''': I ain't no spy! I'm Jonah Hex, and I don't give a tinker's cuss about no railroad. I've come to get ''you'', Arkady Duvall, on account of what you done to that girl back east. :'''Duvall''': ''[chuckles]'' You mean to say, you've tracked me across ''twelve states'' because of that? :'''Hex''': Well, there's also the matter of a 200 dollar reward. That part don't hurt my feelings none. :'''Duvall''': You're either a liar or a fool. :'''Hex''': I've been known to be foolish, but ain't ''nobody'' calls me a liar and goes to bed happy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hex''': Now! Let's you and me dance. :'''Duvall''': You cannot defeat me. I am a Heidelberg fencing champion. :'''Hex''': My heart's all a-flutter. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duvall''': Five thousand in gold, take it. Leave me be. :'''Hex''': It ain't about money, boy. It's about justice. And I aim to serve you some. :'''Duvall''': Let me live, please! :'''Hex''': I will. Only because it's too much trouble to haul your stinkin' carcass back east. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You left Duvall to his fate a century ago. Why come back for him now? :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Did you really think, detective, that in my six hundred years of life, I would have sired only ''one'' offspring? Even before the Phoenix debacle, I had come to realize that Arkady was too unbalanced and cruel to wisely rule my empire. :'''Batman''': But you couldn't forget about him. :'''Ra's al Ghul''': What father can ever forget his son? Come now, detective, I've still a few good years left. We will cross swords another day. But for now, let me take my boy home. ===''Riddler's Reform'' [2.14]=== :''[After learning about the theft of historical antiquities on TV]'' :'''Riddler''': ''[in Bruce's memory]'' Those are things of the past, Batman. Ancient history that's gone now. I'm a new man! But you probably won't figure that out before it's too late! ''[laughs]'' :'''Bruce''': ''He'' did it. :'''Dick''': Who? :'''Bruce''': The Riddler. Remember what he said: "Things of the past." "Ancient history that's gone now." Look! :'''Dick''': Gee, I don't know. His riddles aren't usually that subtle. Besides, he's got a multimillion dollar deal with that toy company. Why would he throw it away over some stupid riddle crime? :'''Bruce''': Because that's the way his warped mind works. He's obsessed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': He's right, you know. :'''Manny''': Who? :'''Riddler''': Batman. He ''is'' going to catch me, sooner or later. :'''Manny''': Gee, boss, you're scaring me. You're talking kinda crazy. :'''Riddler''': DON'T YOU ''EVER'' CALL ME THAT! I fooled the police, the doctors, the Parole Board - all of them! There's only one person who's ever been able to challenge me: ''BATMAN!'' He's the only one worthy of the game! :'''Manny''': But you said sooner or later he's gonna catch you. What are you gonna do? :'''Riddler''': I'm never going back to Arkham! So I guess there's only one thing to do! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': Hello, Batman. This is it: the end of the game. I'm a little sad actually. You were a worthy opponent. But then, I told you I'd make a ''killing'' at the Toy Fair! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': ''[ranting in a cell in Arkham]'' It's IMPOSSIBLE, I tell you! Impossible! My trap was perfect! How did he do it?! I have to know! SOMEBODY TELL ME! IT'S NOT FAIR! THERE WAS NO WAY, I TELL YOU! NO WAY HE COULD HAVE GOTTEN OUT! SOMEBODY TELL ME! DO YOU HEAR ME?! SOMEBODY TELL ME HOW HE DID IT! I HAVE TO KNOW! '''''I HAVE TO KNOOOOOOOOOW!!!''''' ===''Second Chance'' [2.15]=== :'''Penguin''': And what might ''you'' be doing out there? Catching insects for dinner? :'''Batman''': I'm looking for Two-Face. :'''Penguin''': What, did you lose him? ''[chuckles]'' :'''Batman''': Somebody kidnapped him from Gotham Central tonight. You and he had a disagreement sometime ago, didn't you? :'''Penguin''': It's true. Harvey stole a rare ''avis'' right out from under my beak several months ago. A jewel-encrusted statuette of a two-headed [[w:roc (mythology)|roc]]. It was worth millions. But, my dear rodent, I'd never kidnap a fellow rogue out of his sickbed. It just isn't done. :'''Batman''': Honour among thieves? :'''Penguin''': Absolutely. If I were going to attack Harvey, I'd do it face to face... to face, heh, so to speak. Like THIS! ''[laughs and unleashes his birds on Batman]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You may as well come out. I know everything now. :''[A man emerges, his identity obscured by shadows]'' :'''Batman''': You hated Harvey Dent, and would do anything to destroy him. :''[Lightning flashes, revealing the man to be Two-Face himself]'' :'''Two-Face''': Why not? He was going to destroy me. Just like I'm going to destroy you! ''[attacks him]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Harvey, pull yourself up! :'''Harvey''': I can't! I'll drop the coin! :'''Batman''': Drop it! Save yourself! :'''Harvey''': I... I don't know what to do. The coin won't tell me! :'''Batman''': It can't tell you anything! I switched coins when you grabbed me! :'''Robin''': ''[swings and kicks the thugs out of Batman's way]'' Good thing I decided to tag along after all. :'''Batman''': It's a trick coin! It'll always land on edge! It's ''your'' decision now, Harvey! Life or death? The coin or me? :''[Robin threw the batarang to hit the elevator button to send the thug in an elevator, thunderstruck and Harvey/Two-Face decided to drops the coin]'' :'''Harvey''': Batman, help me. :''[Batman tries to give Harvey a hand, but Two-Face suddenly regains control]'' :'''Two-Face''': Never! ''[punches Batman and falls]'' :'''Batman''': ''HARVEY!!!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harvey''': ''[seen in half-shadow, making him appear to once again be Harvey Dent instead of Two-Face]'' Bruce? Good old Bruce. Always there. You never give up on me. :''[Bruce Wayne smiles and pats Harvey's shoulder before he is escorted away]'' :'''Dick''': He's right. You're always there for him. :'''Bruce''': Yes, just like you're always there for me. :'''Dick''': Hey, what are friends for? ===''Harley's Holiday'' [2.16]=== :'''Scarecrow''': I am the Master of Fear! The Lord of Despair! Cower before me in witless terror! :'''Harley''': Hi, Professor Crane! :'''Scarecrow''': ''[Smiling fondly]'' Good evening, child. ''[To Batman and Robin, furiously]'' Worship me, you fools! Worship me! Scream hosannas of anguish to Scarecrow, the all-terrible God of Fear! ''[Guards take him away]'' :'''Robin''': I think he's getting better. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley''': I'm having a BAD DAY! I'm sick of people trying to shoot me, run me over and blow me up! I didn't even get to keep my new dress - I ACTUALLY PAID FOR IT! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman and Robin take Harley back to Arkham]'' :'''Harley''': ''[sadly]'' [[w:To market, to market|Home again, home again, diggity dig...]] :'''Dr. Joan Leland''': Not for too long, though. Ms. Vreeland dropped the kidnapping charges. With a little more hard work, you should be ready to re-enter society for good. :'''Harley''': Yay... ''[to Batman]'' There's one thing I've gotta know. Why'd you stay with me all day, risking your butt for someone who's never given you anything but trouble? :'''Batman''': I know what it's like to try and rebuild a life. ''[takes her dress out of a bag]'' I had a bad day too, once. :'''Harley''': ''[takes the dress, smiling]'' Nice guys like you shouldn't have bad days. ===''Lock-Up'' [2.17]=== :'''Scarecrow''': Don't take me back there, please! Look at me, Batman! I'm shaking with fear! Me! The Scarecrow! I wasn't even going back to crime this time! I just had to get away from... HIM! :'''[[w:Lock-Up (comics)|Lyle Bolton]]''': I'll take it from here, Batman. Lyle Bolton, Chief of security. Congratulations, Professor Crane. You're the first inmate to escape Arkham under my charge. ''[He grabs Crane by the collar; Crane whimpers]'' You're also the last. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bartholomew''': Miss Quinn? Do you have any complaints against Mr. Bolton? :''[Lyle Bolton sneers threateningly at Harley Quinn]'': :'''Harley Quinn''': I got nothing to say. :'''Bartholomew''': But surely you must have something you wish to- :'''Harley Quinn''': You got a hearing problem or something?! NO! NADA! IXNAY! ZERO! ZILCH! BUPKES! NOTHING! OKAY?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': He threatens us! Takes away our privileges, even when we're good! :'''[[w:Lock-Up (comics)|Lyle Bolton]]''': We've heard enough of this nonsense. :'''Jonathon Crane''': He says scum like us must be kept in line! That's why he chains us down at night and electrifies our doors! :'''Scarface''': He held me over a can filled with a termites! Ya hear me?! ''TERMITES!'' :'''Harley Quinn''': He's an animal! :'''Ventriloquist''': A monster! :'''Jonathon Crane''': Keep him away! :'''Lyle Bolton''': '''SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU!''' :''[The guards retrain Lyle Bolton, he kicks the table, resists the guards and attack and them; he threatens to kill the inmates, and Bruce Wayne trips him with the chair]'' :'''Lyle Bolton''': You're all scum! You should be beaten within an inch of your misbegotten lives! :'''Bartholomew''': I've seen enough! ''[pounds the gravel]'' Lyle Bolton, you're dismissed! :'''Lyle Bolton''': Before I came here, Arkham was a revolving door for every maniac in Gotham. ''I'' kept them in! '''ME!''' Now I realize I was wrong to punish those pathetic miscreants! '''THEY'RE ONLY SYMPTOMS! ''YOU'RE'' THE CAUSE! THE GUTLESS POLICE, MINDLESS BUREAUCRATS, AND CODDLING DOCTORS! YOU SHOULD ALL BE LOCKED UP IN A CAGE WITHOUT A KEY!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lock Up''': I could have rid Gotham of the fools in city hall and the police department! We could have made our own order! :'''Batman''': I was born to fight your brand of order! :'''Lock Up''': If that's your decision...! ===''Make 'Em Laugh'' [2.18]=== :'''Dispatcher''': Disturbance reported at the top of the Crown restaurant. Suspect is a male costumed extremist armed with what appears to be a... ketchup gun. :'''Batman''': It's going to be one of those nights. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Condiment King''': So long, suckers! Parting is such "sweet-and-sour" sorrow. ''[Batman yanks away his loot bag]'' What's this? Ah! The big bad Bat-guy. I knew you'd "ketchup" to me sooner or later. How I've "relished" this meeting. You, the dynamic Dark Knight, versus me, the conceptual Condiment King! Come, Batman. Let's see if you can "cut the mustard". :'''Batman''': Quiet! ''[punches the King in the stomach]'' :'''Condiment King''': ''[slumps to ground, gasping]'' You hit me! :'''Batman''': Now listen, Mustard Man, or whatever you call yourself. You're obviously new at this, so I'm willing to go easy on you, provided you give back the loot and never even think about doing this again. Deal? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Buddy's agent''': I don't get it. Buddy's just thrown his entire career away. The network's cancelling his show and the restaurant's suing him for a million dollars. Why did he do it? It just doesn't make sense. ===''Deep Freeze'' [2.19]=== :'''Batman''': Men like Walker are obsessed with getting their own way. And they don't let little things like the ''law'' stop them. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grant Walker''': Do you realize that in your half-frozen state, you will age more slowly than an ordinary human? You're practically immortal, my friend! :'''Mr. Freeze''': Yes, eternal life trapped in this wretched shell! What a miserable joke. :'''Grant Walker''': Miserable to you, but a godsend to me. Look at me, Mr. Freeze, I'm an old man. I've created wonders in my lifetime, but there is still so much to do! I want to change as you have. To become, like you, a being of blessed, eternal cold. :'''Mr. Freeze''': You're insane. :'''Grant Walker''': Only you know how to duplicate the accident that made you what you are. What I long to become! :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[grabs him]'' You want to live like this? Abandoned and alone? A prisoner in a world you can see but never touch? ''[drops him and turns away]'' Old and infirm as you are, I'd trade a thousand of my frozen years for your worst day. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grant Walker''': Every time I open a park, I get gatecrashers. :'''Batman''': We've seen your insane vision of the future, Walker. :'''Grant Walker''': My world will have no crime, violence or pain. :'''Robin''': You can add free will to that list too! :'''Grant Walker''': A small price to pay for order. :'''Batman''': ''Your'' order! For your select few! :'''Grant Walker''': Excuse me, but I fail to see the problem with that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You can't let Walker do this. Billions of people will perish! :'''Mr. Freeze''': That's not my concern. All that matters is I once again have my wife, and the means to restore her. :'''Batman''': She'll wake up in a dead, frozen world that ''you'' helped destroy. She'll ''hate'' you for that! :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''Silence.'' :'''Batman''': You think you're alone now? Wait until she learns the truth. :'''Mr. Freeze''': '''I SAID ''SILENCE!''''' ''[blasts at Batman and Robin, knocking them backward, then turns back to Nora with a saddened face]'' Forgive me... ''[frees Batman and Robin]'' Come, there is much to do. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Dick recovers from hypothermia]'' :'''Dick''': Man, if I spent any more time in that immersion tank, I'd be growing gills. :'''Bruce''': I'm just glad I was able to get you back here in time. :'''Dick''': Thanks. For a while I thought I'd end up like Walker, trapped in a ice cube forever. What about Mr. Freeze? Do you think he's gone for good? :'''Bruce''': I'm not sure. But if Freeze's condition has made him truly immortal... we may not have seen the last of him. ===''Batgirl Returns'' [2.20]=== :'''Catwoman''': Bats are just mice with wings, little girl. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Batgirl|Batgirl]]''': So, what are you going to do? Leave us over one of these vats with acid burning through the rope? :'''Daggett''': ''[Laughs]'' If there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's that you crime-fighting types are very resourceful. So, I'll just have my men shoot you and throw your bodies in the vats. == About ''{{PAGENAME}}'' == *'''PD''': If I had to differentiate between [Batman and Superman], I'd say Superman is sort of about hope. You've got this guy who's an alien and not truly human, but he personifies all the best qualities of humanity. He's sort of an example of what it would be nice to be like. We would all like to be like Superman. We would all like to have power, compassion, the ability to settle problems in a good way, and maybe [be able to] wink to ourselves about how nobody else besides us knows we really have this secret power and we keep it ourselves. There's not a lot of angst with Superman. If there is, it's more like, "I wish I could tell Lois who I really was." Batman is how you'd like to be if you [could] break someone's neck: "I'm pissed off, and I want to go out and do something about it." Superman waits for trouble to happen, and then he goes off and stops the problem. Batman's looking for trouble; he doesn't really start it, but he's out there looking. And if he sees something going on, he just jumps into the middle of it. :'''JA''': Batman's sort of a sociopath too. :'''PD''': He's absolutely a sociopath. He's a sociopath with a lot of money, and he's got a sense of right and wrong. I don't think he's totally bereft of some sort of compassion or feeling for some of the villains. He doesn't go after somebody like Mr. Freeze without a small bit of compassion for the man, or maybe someone like the Mad Hatter, or even Harley, whom he thinks is certainly a pain in the ass, but I think he kind of wishes she'd get her act together and wise up at some point. <br> But with darker characters like the Scarecrow and the Joker, he's basically out to make sure they never get out again - whatever it takes to take them down. Somebody like the Joker is probably the least human of all of Batman's Rogues Gallery. That was why I never wanted to do a story that humanizes the Joker, like we did with the Mad Hatter or Mr. Freeze, because I just don't think the character lends itself to that. He's almost supernatural in a way; he's somebody who's just thoroughly insane, who does what he wants to do, and who has a grudge against Batman. He probably likes horrifying people with his clownish appearance as much as Batman terrorizes criminals with his nightmare-like appearance. The Joker is pretty inhuman. I'd say the same thing about the Scarecrow. He is someone who really gets turned on by scaring people. He's like the anti-Batman. He's a weak, very unimposing man until he puts on the Scarecrow costume, and then goes out and gasses people with fear gas, and he watches them squirm. There's probably a big turn-on seeing people helpless in front of him screaming in fear. *'''PD''': When [[w:Tim Burton|Tim Burton]]'s ''[[Batman (1989 film)|Batman]]'' came out, that was the way to go. Now [[w:Joel Schumacher|Joel Schumacher]]'s [[Batman Forever|Batman]] is out there, and people are flocking to the movies, so they"re saying, "Can you lighten up the show a little bit? Can you have more fun with it?" So that's what we were charged with doing, and that's what we've done: to lighten up the color palette a little bit, so that every character's not just in dark colors. Robin, for instance, is now black, red, and gold, instead of green. Nightwing is black and a light, almost iridescent, blue. We've also given it a little more of a kid-friendly look. :* [[w:Paul Dini|Paul Dini]], [http://animationarena.com/batman_the_animated_series.html "Batman: The Animated Series"], ''Animation Arena''. * The thing with the Batman show—even though it's one of the most beautiful and well-written shows, and it really gets into Batman—is that it doesn't really move that fast. The fight scenes aren't that intense, and it doesn't really go actiony. There's a lot of walking and talking in it. It looks great, but it needs that kick of having action. And I think that's another thing that kids are picking up on: For the first time, you're actually seeing superheroes really fight bad guys. In a lot of the cartoons when I was growing up, like [[w:Super Friends|Super Friends]], there was no fighting of bad guys. They would just get sent off to jail. It was wacky, it was silly, it wasn't intense, and there wasn't real fighting and stuff in it. ** [[w:Craig McCracken|Craig McCracken]] [http://www.avclub.com/article/the-powerpuff-girls-13665 "The Powerpuff Girls"], Keith Phipps, ''A.V.Club'', Jun 21, 2000. == Cast == * [[Kevin Conroy]] - [[w:Batman|Bruce Wayne/Batman]] * [[w:Loren Lester|Loren Lester]] - [[w:Dick Grayson|Dick Grayson/Robin]] * [[w:Melissa Gilbert|Melissa Gilbert]] - [[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara Gordon/Batgirl]] * [[w:Clive Revill|Clive Revill]]/[[w:Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.|Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.]] - [[w:Alfred Pennyworth|Alfred Pennyworth]] * [[w:Bob Hastings|Bob Hastings]] - [[w:James Gordon (comics)|Commissioner James Gordon]] * [[w:Robert Costanzo|Robert Costanzo]] - [[w:Harvey Bullock (comics)|Detective Harvey Bullock]] * [[w:Ingrid Oliu|Ingrid Oliu]]/Liane Schirmer - [[w:Renee Montoya|Officer Renee Montoya]] * [[Mark Hamill]] - [[w:The Joker (comics)|The Joker]] * [[w:Arleen Sorkin|Arleen Sorkin]] - [[w:Harley Quinn|Dr. Harleen Quinzel/Harley Quinn]] * [[Paul Williams (songwriter)|Paul Williams]] - [[w:Penguin (comics)|Oswald Cobblepot/The Penguin]] * [[Adrienne Barbeau]] - [[w:Catwoman|Selina Kyle/Catwoman]] * [[w:John Glover (actor)|John Glover]] - [[w:Riddler|Edward Nygma/The Riddler]] * [[w:Richard Moll|Richard Moll]] - [[w:Two-Face (comics)|Harvey Dent/Two-Face]] * [[w:George Dzundza|George Dzundza]] - [[w:The Ventriloquist (comics)|Arnold Wesker/The Ventriloquist/Scarface]] * [[w:Henry Silva|Henry Silva]] - [[w:Bane (comics)|Bane]] * [[w:Aron Kincaid|Aron Kincaid]] - [[w:Killer Croc|Killer Croc]] * [[w:Marc Singer|Marc Singer]] - [[w:Man-Bat|Dr. Kirk Langstrom/Man-Bat]] * [[w:Ron Perlman|Ron Perlman]] - [[w:Clayface|Matt Hagen/Clayface]] * [[w:Diane Pershing|Diane Pershing]] - [[w:Poison Ivy (comics)|Dr. Pamela Isley/Poison Ivy]] * [[w:Henry Polic II|Henry Polic II]] - [[w:Scarecrow (DC comics)|Dr. Jonathan Crane/The Scarecrow]] * [[w:Roddy McDowall|Roddy McDowall]] - [[w:Mad Hatter|Dr. Jervis Tetch/The Mad Hatter]] * [[w:Michael Ansara|Michael Ansara]] - [[w:Mr. Freeze|Dr. Victor Freeze/Mr. Freeze]] * [[David Warner (actor)|David Warner]] - [[w:Ra's al Ghul|Ra's al Ghul]] ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} {{Batman}} [[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated superhero TV shows]] [[Category:Animated Batman TV shows]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Animated television programs based on Detective Comics]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Fox Broadcasting Company animated television series]] [[Category:Television series by Warner Bros. Animation]] gq6xy7zxtgqvt3sz8udqdx8u1xq1lnx 3778900 3778899 2025-07-14T22:23:35Z 2A00:23C7:8583:8901:5157:8FC5:8DBF:8C56 /* On Leather Wings [1.1] */ 3778900 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Batman-_The_Animated_Series_logo.svg|thumb|I am [[vengeance]]. I am the [[night]]. I am, '''[[Batman|BATMAN]]'''!]] {{italic title}} '''''[[W:Batman: The Animated Series|Batman: The Animated Series]]''''' is an American animated superhero television series based on the [[DC Comics]] superhero Batman. It was succeeded by ''[[The Adventures of Batman & Robin]]'' and ''[[The New Batman Adventures]]''; the first production in the [[w:DC Animated Universe|DC Animated Universe]]. ==Season 1== ===''On Leather Wings'' [1.1]=== :'''Batman''': ''[reading the paper]'' "Gotham Police Declare War on Batman"? :'''Alfred''': I gather you've been reading ''[[w:How to Win Friends and Influence People|How to Make Friends and Influence People]]''? :'''Batman''': Somebody's setting me up. :'''Alfred''': My heavens. You mean it ''wasn't'' you tossing guards out of windows last night? :'''Batman''': I only toss butlers, Alfred. <hr width='50%'/> :'''[[w:Rene Auberjonois|Dr. March]]''': You donate a few million, and you think you own the place. I understand I'm to analyse something for you? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Yeah, doc. See, I keep hearing squeaks in my chimney, and I found these in my empty fireplace. They look like hairs. I thought maybe you could tell me if I have a bat problem. :'''Dr. March''': And what if they are bats, Mr. Wayne? What then? Destroy them like insects? We won't survive the next evolutionary cataclysm, but bats will! They're survivors, Mr. Wayne, not pests! You should understand that! <hr width='50%'/> :'''Dr. Kirk Langstrom''': ''[enters laboratory upon hearing noises]'' Who's back there? ''[spots Batman]'' You...! :'''Batman''': I'm looking for Dr. March. :'''Langstrom''' He's not here, Batman. :'''Batman''': Where is he? :'''Langstrom''': Giving a lecture on human extinction and bat evolution. He's really quite brilliant. :'''Batman''': He's misguided, and a thief. ''[holds up a vial of the serum]'' :'''Langstrom''': He's just a theorist, he was afraid to put it to the test. But I wasn't. I knew he'd discovered a formula to create a totally new species, neither man nor bat. And once I started taking it, I couldn't stop. I desperately wanted to, but... ''it'' took over. Francine and March tried to protect me, but it was too late. The beast knew what chemicals were needed to bring itself about! It was out of my control! And it only needs one more component to complete the process! ''[voice lowering]'' It's in ''ME'', Batman! ''[laughs maniacally and begins to change into Man-Bat]'' <hr width='50%'/> :'''Bullock''': Let's go! :'''Lieutenant''': I can’t do it, sir! :'''Bullock''': Whaddaya mean "you can’t do it"?! :'''Lieutenant''': I just got word not to let you up without the Commissioner! :'''Bullock''': Who told you that?! :'''Lieutenant''': The Commissioner! ''[points at Gordon as he arrives]'' :'''Gordon''': Get out, Detective! The Mayor may not let me fire you, but I am ''not'' taking the heat for your fiasco! :'''Bullock''': This is my case, Commissioner! You heard the Mayor! :'''Gordon''': Then why don't you go take it up with him?! I've got a job to do! If you wanna tag along, fine! ''[gets into the helicopter]'' Take her up, Lieutenant! :'''Bullock''': ''[trying to clamber in as it takes off]'' Hey! Wait for me! ===''Christmas With The Joker'' [1.2]=== :''[the Arkham Asylum inmates practice signing Jingle Bells as other inmates set up a giant Christmas tree]'' :'''Joker''': Jingle bells! Batman smells! Robin laid an egg! ''[gets a tree-topper and climbs to install it]'' The Batmobile lost a wheel and the Jo-ker got a-wa-a-a-ay! ''[attaches the ornament and the Christmas Tree ignites, revealed as a rocket. Joker clambers at it launches]'' Crashing through the roof! In a one-horse-open tree! Busting out I go! Laughing all the WHEEEEE! ''[the "rocket-tree" flies off into the distance as he sings]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the Christmas with the Joker show]'' :'''Joker''': Rumor has it, Christmas is a time to share with family. :'''Laugh track''': Yea! :'''Joker''': And since I don't have one of my own... :'''Laugh track''': Aww... :'''Joker''': I decided to STEAL one! :'''Laugh track''': Yea! :'''Joker''': And here they are: The Awful Lawful Family! ''[lights turn on and reveal Gordon, Summer, and Bullock tied up and gagged]'' Aren't they just the cutest family you've ever seen? :'''Batman''': ''[watching in the Batmobile]'' It's never easy with the Joker. :'''Joker''': Meet Daddy Lawful! ''[ungags Gordon]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': You diseased maniac! I'll- ''[Joker gags him again]'' :'''Joker''': Hmm. Looks like I'll have to teach Daddy some manners. And here's Mommy Lawful! ''[ungags Summer]'' :'''Summer Gleason''': Help! Somebody please help us- ''[Joker gags her again]'' :'''Joker''': Ho ho ho, isn't she jolly? And here we have little Baby Lawful! Coochie coochie coo! ''[ungags Bullock]'' :'''Detective Bullock''': When I get my hands on you, I'll rip your- ''[Joker gags him again]'' :'''Joker''': I'll bet Batman wishes he had a family just like mine. Personally I think relatives are a bore, so Batman can have them... ''[points to clock showing 10:30PM] if'' he can find them by midnight! Otherwise... ''[makes a throat-slashing motion and laughs]'' ===''Nothing To Fear'' [1.3]=== :''[Bruce is introduced to Dr. Long and he offers a handshake]'' :'''Dr. Long''': ''[looks at hand and pouts off]'' Your father and I attended university together. He had big plans for you. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Well, I guess he'd be pleased. Wayne Industries is more prosperous than ever. :'''Dr. Long''': Pleased? When your father was alive, Wayne was a name that commanded great respect. Now all Wayne stands for is a self-centered jet-setting playboy. It's lucky your father didn't live to see what you've done to his good name. He'd have died of shame. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Scarecrow sprays a security guard with gas]'' :'''Guard''': Stop! What the-- No! No, spiders! Get them offa me! No! NO! ''[cowers in fear]'' :'''Anthony''': What did you do to him, boss? :'''[[w:Scarecrow (DC Comics)|Scarecrow]]''': I merely helped him visualize his innermost terror, which is obviously [[w:arachnophobia|arachnophobia]]. :'''Nigel''': A-whack-a-what? :'''Scarecrow''': Arachnophobia! Fear of spiders, you dimwitted dropout! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': It seems I have underestimated the Batman, but at least the University is finished. :'''Anthony''': Gee, boss, I never liked school, but, uh, how come you hate the university so much? :'''Scarecrow''': They tried to destroy me. :'''Nigel''': You mean they kicked you out 'cause you weren't smart enough? :'''Scarecrow''': No, you simpleton! ''[pinches Nigel's broken nose]'' :'''Nigel''': Ow! :'''Scarecrow''': I taught there. I was a professor of psychology, specializing in phobias. Inducing terror has always intrigued me. Even as a boy, I loved to frighten things. People, animals, it was all the same. I became obsessed with fear's crippling power. Later, when I became their leading Professor of Subliminal Psychology at the University, I began performing experiments on fear and its subsequent effects. Dr. Long thought I went too far - he called me a lunatic. So now, they will learn the true nature of horror! :'''Anthony''': ''[to Nigel]'' Wow, he's a real professor. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman has been exposed to Scarecrow's fear toxin]'' :'''Thomas Wayne''': Bruce... :'''Batman''': No... not now... :'''Thomas Wayne''': You are a disgrace! ''[turns into the [[w:Grim Reaper|Grim Reaper]]]'' :'''Batman''': No... You are NOT my father. I am NOT a disgrace! I am vengeance, I am the night. I...AM...'''BATMAN!''' ===''The Last Laugh'' [1.4]=== :'''Summer Gleeson''': I'm here in Downtown Gotham where corporate CEOs have gone stark, raving mad. It would appear that the collapse of the stock market is now imminent. The question is: Will [[April Fools' Day]] mark the end of Gotham City as we know it? :'''Joker''': The only things gaining now are the laughing stocks! ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[After trapping Batman in a sealed garbage can]'' :'''Joker''': I just love these new Ziploc seals! We wouldn't want our little caged rodent to suffocate, so we'll just ''[draws a knife]'' PUNCH SOME AIRHOLES! ''[laughing, he stabs holes in the can, with Batman being forced to dodge each one]'' Okay, Captain! Give 'er the old heave-ho! ''[Captain Clown salutes and throws the can into the river, where it starts to flood and sink]'' Oops! Looks like our airholes are waterholes too! ''[smirking at the viewer]'' What a shame! ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Justice is served hot, Batman! You're going to melt just like a grilled-cheese sandwich! :''[The Joker tries to send Batman falling into the furnace with a cascade of garbage, but Batman escapes and swings to safety on his grappling hook]'' :'''Batman''': Justice ''will'' be served, Joker. :'''Joker''': Service with a SMILE?! ''[tosses a razor card at Batman, who dodges it just in time]'' :'''Batman''': Clean up your act, Joker. :'''Joker''': Oh, that's a joke, right? Batman finally told a joke! ''[laughing, the Joker draws another card and flings it, but Batman catches it with a smirk. With a gasp of shock, the Joker tries to flee, but gets his food caught on a cable and he ends up dangling over the furnace]'' BATMAN! YOU WOULDN'T LET ME FRY, WOULD YOU?! ''[Batman leans on the railing, pretending to consider it] '''BATMAN!''' [Batman pulls him up]'' ===''Pretty Poison'' [1.5]=== :'''Dent''': So, what do you think? :'''Bruce''': Does she have a sister? :'''Dent''': Nope. Pam's one of a kind. That's why I asked her to marry me. :'''Bruce''': ''[spits out his water upon hearing this]'' WHAT?! :'''Dent''': Yup, that's the page one headline. Hey... is it starting to get warm? :'''Bruce''': You're still flushed from that last kiss. Harvey, you just met her last week! :'''Dent''': And I already know she's the one. Gosh, it's hot in here... :'''Bruce''': Marriage is a major step, Harvs. Don't you think you're rushing it? :'''Dent''': No way. The moment I laid eyes on Pam, her love hit me right in the face. ''[falls right into the food he ordered]'' :'''Bruce''': ''[laughs]'' Harvey, you've lost your mind. Knock it off. ''[sees him unresponsive]'' Harv? Harvey! ''[Later sees Harvey carried into an ambulance and climbs inside]'' Hang on, Harvey. Hang on. <hr width=50%"/> :'''Bullock''': So what'd you put in this mousse?! :'''Chef''': Chocolate, sugar, eggs, cream... :'''Bullock''': STRYCHNINE?! :'''Chef''': No, no, no strychnine. But I added just a pinch of vanilla. :'''Bullock''': ''[turns to a waiter, frustrated]'' You know who did it?! TALK! :'''Waiter''': Hey, I just clean the dishes, okay? <hr width=50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[chuckles]'' Batman! A late night rendezvous? To what do I owe the honor? :'''Batman''': ''[struggling against Ivy's giant flytrap]'' Harvey Dent! :'''Poison Ivy''': Oh, the poor district attorney. I hear he's not expected to live. Oh, it's so sad... ''[feigns crying, which quickly turns to insane laughter]'' :'''Batman''': Why, Isley? :'''Poison Ivy''': Oh, please, call me Poison Ivy. You see, Harvey had to pay for his crime. :'''Batman''': What crime? :'''Poison Ivy''': Why, murder, of course! Plowing up a field of beautiful wildflowers for that silly penitentiary of his. This little rose would be extinct today if I hadn't saved my precious from those horrible bulldozers! The blood of those flowers are on his hands! ''[calms down after her tantrum]'' So his fate was sealed ''[applies lipstick]'' ...with a kiss. And now, so is yours. ''[Ivy's plant holds Batman still as she kisses him; he tries to spit away the poison]'' Oh, what's wrong? Afraid I have cooties? ''[laughs]'' Oh, now you've gone and hurt my feelings. Too bad. I was going to share the antidote with you. ''[opens a bottle and waves it under his nose]'' Lovely fragrance, don't you think? ''[applies a drop to her face]'' I call it "Rose From the Dead". <hr width=50%"/> :''[In a cell in Arkham]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': They can bury me in the ground, as deep as they like. But I'll grow back. ''[to her rose]'' We ''always'' grow back. Don't we, baby? ===''The Underdwellers'' [1.6]=== :'''Sewer King''': Lesson number one is: NOOOOO TAAAALKING! Children are to be seen and not heard. We are the Underdwellers. We are the silent ones. We follow the invisible creed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sewer King''': Frog! The rolls, if you please. :''[Another boy nervously steps over with them; the Sewer King grabs his wrist angrily]'' :'''Sewer King''': You're not Frog! Where is he?! He's not here! ''[smacks the bowl of rolls away]'' NOT HERE! And after all I've done for you ungrateful little monsters! I took you in when nobody else would have you! It is I who care for you! I who provide for you! And only I WHO KNOWS WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU! Would you rather I sent you back into the light? Back to those who hurt you, and sent you away? :''[The children tearfully shake their heads; the Sewer King pushes the dinner table over with a loud crash]'' :'''Sewer King''': THERE WILL BE NOTHING TO EAT UNTIL FROG IS FOUND! NOW OUT WITH YOU! ''OUT WITH YOU!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I don't know what kind of barbarian did this to you, but it's over. And from now on, you'll be treated like human beings. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sewer King''': ''[clapping]'' Bravo. Bravo. You've caused me great distress, you evil bat, yes, yes, yes, you have! You've hurt my pretty pets, and you've frightened my beloved children! :'''Batman''': ''[incredulous and disgusted]'' "Beloved children"?! :'''Sewer King''': Yes! I feed them, I clothe them, I discipline them, and I teach them a trade! And now, I will teach ''you'' something! :''[He stamps on Batman's hands, but Batman swings under the pipe and kicks him from behind, causing him to fall off]'' :'''Batman''': Grab my hand! :'''Sewer King''': ''NEVER!'' :''[He falls into the water, where the alligators close in and seemingly devour him]'' :'''Batman''': A gruesome fate for a gruesome man. :''[He hears the Sewer King laughing, and sees him with the alligators, unharmed]'' :'''Sewer King''': I rather enjoyed it! I told you, they're my pretties! ''[pets one, laughing]'' Have a nice swim! :''[Batman swings over to chase him, narrowly missing the alligators' jaws]'' :'''Batman''': Later. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman pulls the Sewer King out of the way of an oncoming train]'' :'''Sewer King''': Why? Why?! ''Why?!'' :'''Batman''': ''[seething with anger]'' I don't pass sentence. That's for the courts. But this time - ''this time'' - I am ''sorely tempted'' to do the job myself! ===''P.O.V.'' [1.7]=== :''[after Batman grapples up a crane with Officer Montoya to safety]'' :'''Batman''': Are you alright? :''[Machine gun bullets hit around Batman and Officer Montoya, causing both of them to duck]'' :'''Officer Montoya''': Dandy. :'''Batman''': Then don't go away. :'''Officer Montoya''': ''[Batman leaves as more machine gun bullets hit. Montoya stays down]'' Count on it. <hr width="50%"/> :''[after Commissioner Gordon congratulates Officer Montoya for foiling the dock heist with Batman's aid]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': I have to hand it to you, Montoya. You and the Batman really turned this thing around. :'''Patrolman Wilkes''': Yeah, what a [[wikt:collar|collar]]! You didn't just bust 'em, you put the whole gang out of commission. ''[Lieutenant Hackle appears to accuse Montoya]'' :'''Lieutenant Hackle''': What collar? She's suspended! ''[Gordon angrily grabs Heckle]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': This [[wikt:farce|farce]] has gone far enough, Hackle! We apprehended the suspects and recovered our money. The investigation is closed! ''[He grabs three confiscated police badges out of Hackle's suit pocket and shoves him aside. He hands the badges to Officer Montoya]'' Officer Montoya earned this collar. :'''Officer Montoya''': The collar belongs to all three of us, Commissioner. It was a team effort. ''[Montoya accepts hers and hands Wilkes back his badge]'' :'''Patrolman Wilkes''': Gee... thanks, partner! :'''Detective Bullock''': ''[grumbling under his breath]'' Yeah, yeah... :'''Officer Montoya''': What was that, Bullock? ''[happily gives badge to Bullock]'' :'''Detective Bullock''': ''[reluctantly hesitates, accepts his badge]'' I said... Thanks a lot, Montoya. ===''The Forgotten'' [1.8]=== :'''Bruce''': What is this? :'''Smith''': If it's moving, it's a rat. If it isn't, it's a cooked rat. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': ''[Alfred flies the Batwing to the tracking device's location]'' This must be the place! Bring us down! :'''Batwing Computer''': Negative. :'''Alfred''': ''[pressing buttons madly]'' But Master Bruce is down there! We HAVE to land! :'''Computer''': Impossible. Area too confined. :'''Alfred''': ''[pounds the console]'' Land, you bucket of bolts! :'''Computer''': Your funeral. :'''Alfred''': Oh, dear...! ''[The Batwing flies down abruptly. Bruce, escaping the mine, sees the Batwing fly over]'' :'''Bruce''': ''[Smiles]'' Son of a gun! :''[The Batwing reaches a flat area near Bruce and lands. The cockpit opens.]'' :'''Computer''': Watch your step. :'''Alfred''': ''[tumbles out, dazed]'' [[w:Juan Rodriguez Cabrillo|I-I-I claim this land... for Spain]]. ''[collapses]'' ===''Be A Clown'' [1.9]=== :'''Jordan''': How can I get to be a great magician like you, Jekko? :'''"Jekko"''': Well, there are three steps! Step one: run away. Step two: find a magician with a great act. And step three: ''steal it.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Summer Gleason''': ''[reporting on TV]'' Denying reports of a bomb blast at his son's birthday party, Mayor Hill insists the explosion was caused by faulty electrical wiring. :'''"Jekko"''': Yeah! RIGHT! ''[laughs]'' :'''Summer Gleason''': The Mayor declined, however, to confirm that his son Jordan was missing. :'''"Jekko"''': Missing? :'''Jordan''': ''[coming into view]'' It's me, Jekko. I ran away. :'''"Jekko"''': You did '''WHAT?!?''' :'''Jordan''': I want to be a magician, like you. :'''"Jekko"''': Why, you... ''[laughs]'' Well, kid, you got step one right! Come on in. I've been thinking about a protege. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman is trapped inside a tank filled with water, complete with a straitjacket and leg restraints]'' :'''"Jekko"''': For your viewing pleasure, we present... the infamous water tank trap! The great [[w:Harry Houdini|Houdini]] survived such a test. Dare we demand less of the Batman?! :'''Jordan''': I don't like this, Jekko... :'''"Jekko"''': Quiet, kid, it's a free ticket. :''[Batman manages to free the sleeves of the jacket]'' :'''Jordan''': ''[clapping]'' He did it! He got free! :'''"Jekko"''': They don't make straitjackets like they used to. ''[grinning]'' I should know... :''[Batman wriggles out of the jacket and undoes the leg restraints, but struggles to break the glass]'' :'''Jordan''': He can't get out! What's the trick? :'''"Jekko"''': That's just it! THERE IS NO TRICK! :'''Jordan''': No! He'll drown! :''[Jordan grabs an axe and strikes the side of the tank to try and free Batman, but "Jekko" takes the axe away]'' :'''"Jekko"/Joker''': That's why they call it a finale! ''[throws down the axe and discards his Jekko the Clown mask]'' Now sit down and enjoy the show! ===''Two-Face Part 1'' [1.10]=== :''[Dent's raid on Thorne has been aborted by the judge due to supposed lack of reliable evidence]'' :'''Dent''': No! NO! '''I SPENT ''THREE MONTHS'' ON THAT RAID!''' He can't overturn! The fool! HE'S ''BEEN BOUGHT! LIKE ALL THE REST!'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[tries to restrain him]'' Harvey, please try to calm down. This sort of behavior doesn't run well with the voters- :'''Dent''': ''LET GO OF ME, YOU RICH TWIT!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dent''': Stealing someone's psychiatric file is pretty low, Thorne! Even for a swine like you! :'''[[w:John Vernon|Rupert Thorne]]''': But it makes for such fascinating reading. Listen to this, boys. Says here that when Harvey was a little boy, he was bothered by a bully. Every day the bully would bug him after school, until one day little Harvey got so mad, he slugged him one. :'''Thorne's Thugs''': Oooh! :'''Rupert Thorne''': Of course, the bully ran away, which made little Harvey very proud. Until he heard that the bully was in the hospital. :'''Candace''': That was some punch. :'''Rupert Thorne''': ''[chuckles]'' That's what Harvey thought. Except the guy was in the hospital for appendicitis! ''[chuckles again]'' But poor Harvey felt so guilty, he never showed his anger again. And that was the start of "Big Bad Harv". :'''Dent''': What do you want? :'''Rupert Thorne''': Just a few favors from the D.A.'s office. :'''Dent''': You're dreaming. :'''Rupert Thorne''': Otherwise, as a concerned citizen, I'd be compelled to give this to the press. After all, the people of Gotham have a right to know the kind of person... or should I say "persons", they've elected. So, what do you say, Harvey? Do we have a deal? :''[Harvey's face has contorted in building rage the entire time, but suddenly relaxes into deceptive docility]'' :'''Dent''': There's just one problem. :'''Rupert Thorne''': What's that? :'''Dent''': ''[in Big Bad Harv's voice]'' '''''You're talking to the wrong Harvey.''''' ===''Two-Face Part 2'' [1.11]=== :''[In a nightmare, Harvey is being chased by a dark shadow. He suddenly realizes he is standing on a collapsing wooden bridge]'' :'''Harvey Dent''': Stay back! ''[the shadow reveals itself to be Batman, pleading for Harvey's help]'' :'''Batman''': Harvey, please, let me help you! :'''Harvey Dent''': You?! You saw what was happening! You knew that something was terribly wrong with me! I thought you were my friend! You should have been able to help me--but you didn't! ''[Harvey covers his face with his two hands, now transformed into Two-Face]'' :'''Two-Face''': ''NOW LOOK AT ME!!'' :'''Batman''': But I tried, Harvey. I... ''[the bridge pulls itself apart, causing Two-Face to fall off]'' Harvey! :'''Two-Face''': ''[Plummets into an abyss of glowing red light] WHY COULDN'T YOU SAVE ME...?!!'' :''[Batman looks down the edge and gasps with horrified shock. He instead sees his late parents Thomas and Martha Wayne underneath a single lamppost. They both raise their heads in sadness]'' :'''Thomas Wayne''': Why couldn't you save us, son? :''[Bruce wakes up, sweating with fear. He then turns to a photo of Two-Face from a newspaper]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': So what are you dreaming tonight, Harvey? Peaceful dreams? Nightmares? Maybe both at once. Sleep well, my friend. Whether you are, whatever you've become... I ''will'' save you. I swear. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Two-Face''': This is my world now. A dichotomy of order and chaos - just like me. :'''Grace''': Harvey, what's happened to your mind, your feelings? You used to listen to your feelings. :'''Two-Face''': ''[flipping his coin]'' This is what I listen to now. ''Chance,'' Grace. Chance is everything. Whether you're born or not, whether you live or die, whether you're good or bad... it's all arbitrary. :'''Grace''': That's nonsense, Harvey. Was it chance that made you District Attorney? Was it chance that made you fall in love with me? Take control of your life, Harvey. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Two-Face grabs a tommy gun and aims at a defenceless Thorne]'' :'''Rupert Thorne''': No! Two-Face, don't! ''[to Batman]'' You can't let him! :'''Grace''': Harvey! What are you doing?! :'''Two-Face''': Taking control of my life. :'''Batman''': Let the law handle it. :'''Two-Face''': "The law"?! ''[takes out his coin]'' Here's the only law! The law of averages! The great equalizer! :''[Two-Face flips the coin, but Batman throws out a crate of other coins, and Two-Face's is lost among them as they spill out]'' :'''Two-Face''': ''[horrified and panicked]'' NO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! ''[searches through them frantically]'' My coin! Where is it?! I can't decide without...! Oh no, it's ''gotta'' be here, it's ''gotta! [shrieks with anguish]'' '''''I HAVE TO HAVE IT!!!''''' :''[He continues to scream, swiping the coins aside before collapsing in tears; Grace gently comforts him]'' :'''Grace''': It's all right now, Harvey. I'm here. ===''It's Never Too Late'' [1.12]=== :'''Father Michael Stromwell''': Arnold? That's one soul I wish I could give up on. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arnold Stromwell''': I don't need your help! :'''Michael Stromwell''': Is that a fact? An empire crumbling? A marriage shattered? A son lost? Sure, you're doing fine. ===''I've Got Batman In My Basement'' [1.13]=== :''[after Penguin's goons successfully steal a [[w:Fabergé egg|Fabergé egg]] on a tall building]'' :'''Goon 1''': ''[chuckles]'' A piece of cake, just like the boss said. :'''Goon 2''': Yeah, all it took was five minutes. ''[Batman makes his surprise appearance to the goons]'' :'''Batman''': And that'll get you five ''years''... ''[pause]'' with good behavior. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Be-fowled by a couple of fledgelings! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Grant''': Sherman, what are you doing down there? :'''Sherman''': Nothing, Mom! :'''Mrs. Grant''': You're not trying to make gunpowder again, are you? :'''Sherman''': No, Mom! Honest! :'''Roberta''': We just saved Batman's life, Mrs. Grant, and now we're hiding him from some bad criminals. :'''Mrs. Grant''': That's good, just don't make a mess. ''[leaves]'' :'''Sherman''': Nice going, Miss Big Mouth. :'''Roberta''': ''[shrugging]'' Sorry, Sherman, I guess I panicked. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Gentlemen - and I use the term loosely - after you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Eurgh, how bourgeois. Tearing this place apart could only improve it! Let the egg hunt begin! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Grant''': Young man, you've got some serious explaining to do! ''[sees Batman and the defeated Penguin and gasps]'' :'''Sherman''': Err, Mom, I'd like you to meet Batman. Batman, this is my mom. :'''Batman''': Ma'am. :'''Mrs. Grant''': Oh, hello... :'''Sherman''': Say, Batman, you wouldn't be single, would you? ===''[[w:Heart of Ice (Batman: The Animated Series)|Heart of Ice]]'' [1.14]=== :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[gazes at the ballerina snow globe]'' This is how I'll always remember you. Surrounded by [[winter]] forever young, forever beautiful. Rest well, my love. The monster who took you from me will soon learn that [[revenge]] is a dish... ''[opens his eyes through his red goggles]'' best served '''cold'''. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman infiltrates an office in GothCorp headquarters and sees a classified file with a videotape and medical records of a woman named Nora Fries. He plays the tape on a nearby VCR]'' :'''Victor Fries''': ''[on the tape]'' My name is Doctor Victor Fries. I am recording what I pray would be mankind's first step toward immortality. ''[camera pans to a large machine with a glass capsule and a woman inside it]'' Behind me, you see the CC-100, a cryogenic freezing chamber of my own design. I created it for the express purpose of freezing subjects stricken with inoperable ailments. Subjects like... my own beloved wife, Nora. Once a remedy has been found-- ''[reacts to a loud banging on the door]'' :'''Ferris Boyle''': ''[Behind the door]'' Open this door! Open it now! ''[A security guard kicks the door down, Ferris and another guard step into the room. Boyle confronts Fries angrily.]'' Get away from that equipment! ''[Orders his guards]'' Shut this stuff down. :'''Fries''': ''[Panicked]'' Stop! This is my experiment! :'''Boyle''': Your ''unauthorized'' experiment. I ordered funding suspended weeks ago! I'm already three million in debt thanks to you! :'''Fries''': You can't stop it now! My wife is in there! :'''Boyle''': So bring her out! :'''Fries''': You can't interrupt the process now! :'''Boyle''': ''[unmoved; to guard]'' Open it. :'''Fries''': ''[desperately holds on to Boyle]'' It's her only chance! :'''Boyle''': ''[shrugs off Fries]'' This is MY equipment! ''MINE!'' I have every legal right to use it or not use it as I see fit. I say this project ends ''now!'' :'''Fries''': ''[grabs pistol from security guard and aims it at Ferris]'' '''NO!''' Stay away from her, murderer! :'''Boyle''': ''[tries to act charming to Fries]'' Victor... I'm sorry... I lost my temper. It doesn't have to come to this. We can talk! ''[Fries calms down and Boyle kicks him into a table of cryonic chemicals. Victor screams in pain as the cloud of volatile chemicals engulf him. Boyle steps away in fear and runs out of the room with his guards]'' Get out. Get out! :'''Fries''': ''[Clinging to his freezing chamber, screaming through the glass] Nora! NORA...! [passes out. The tape ends]'' :'''Batman''': ''[Horrified]'' My God! :''[A voice rings out--it's Mr. Freeze, who just snuck in the room]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': Yes. It would move me to tears, if I still had tears to shed. ''[freezes Batman with his cryo-gun]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mr. Freeze raids the award ceremony and confronts Ferris Boyle, who is receiving a humanitarian award]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': The cold eyes of vengeance are upon you, Boyle. :'''Ferris Boyle''': Who...who ''are'' you?! :'''Mr. Freeze''': Come, now. Surely you remember your old colleague... Victor Fries? :''[Mr. Freeze aims and fires his freezing gun at Boyle's feet, ice slowly covering up his legs to his waist]'' :'''Boyle''': ''[cries in pain]'' NO! No...! Stop... please... I... b-beg you! ''[Mr. Freeze stops his freezing gun for a moment of clarity]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': You... ''beg?'' In my nightmares I see my Nora behind the glass, begging to me with frozen eyes. How I've longed to see that look frozen on you. :''[Batman batarangs Mr Freeze's cryo-gun and attacks him. Mr Freeze overpowers Batman and throws him off]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': The advanced circuitry that powers my suit also triples my strength! ''[engages Batman, and lifts him off the ground]'' Sooner or later, all who stand in my way must feel the icy touch of death! :''[Mr. Freeze is about to kill Batman, but collapses when Batman smashes his glass helmet with a thermos full of chicken soup given to him by Alfred earlier]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': ''[walks next to Batman]'' Ooh...! What was that stuff? :'''Batman''': The only way to fight a cold. :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[as his suit falters]'' It can't end this way... vengeance...! :'''Batman''': No, ''justice''. A year ago, Ferris Boyle interrupted an experiment, and in the process destroyed two lives. ''[gives Summer Gleeson the tape he found]'' Here's the evidence. ''[walks to a still shivering Boyle; he sneers at Boyle with disgust]'' Good night, humanitarian! ''[walks off]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mr. Freeze is in his subzero cell in Arkham Asylum, gazing into his ballerina snow globe]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': I failed you. I wish there were another way for me to say it... but I cannot. ''[Tears silently slide down his face]'' I can only beg your [[forgiveness]] and pray you hear me somehow, someplace. Someplace... where a warm hand waits for mine. ===''The Cat And The Claw Part 1'' [1.15]=== :'''Stern''': Now if you'll excuse me, I've given you all the time I can spare. :'''Selina Kyle''': You'll find more time for me, Mr. Stern. Before I'm through, I'll have every environmental group and animal rights activist breathing down your neck. They'll be looking at you and your project so closely, you'll feel like a bug in a bell-jar. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You're late. :'''Mob Boss''': Can't you walk up to someone normal-like? :'''Batman''': I hear you have some information. :'''Mob Boss''': Under one condition: Lay off the South Side. :'''Batman''': Keep this up, and I'll be on you from all sides. North, south, east, and west. ===''The Cat And The Claw Part 2'' [1.16]=== :'''Batman''': Red Claw? A woman? :'''[[W:Red_Claw|Red Claw]]''': Do you have a problem with that, Batman? :'''Batman''': Not at all. I'm an equal opportunity crime fighter! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I didn't want you taken away like a common criminal. :'''Catwoman''': So you do care. :'''Batman''': ''[handcuffing her]'' More than you'll ever know. ===''See No Evil'' [1.17]=== :'''Lloyd Ventrix''': See you 'round, Batman! Too bad you can't say the same! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Ventrix, the suit! It's poison! :'''Ventrix''': So what if it is?! I don't care! As long as I have it, I can take my daughter back whenever I want! Her mother won't stop me, AND NEITHER WILL YOU! ===''Beware The Gray Ghost'' [1.18]=== :''[At a video shop, Bruce Wayne asks for Gray Ghost films]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': I'd like the ''Gray Ghost''. :'''Store Clerk''': ''[smirks and walks away]'' Hmm. Name something else. :'''Wayne''': You said you had everything. :'''Store Clerk''': Except the ''Gray Ghost''! Nobody has it! The studio that made the show, Spectra? It burned down 20 years ago. The negatives all went up like kindling, real shame. :'''Wayne''': So the ''Gray Ghost'' doesn't exist? :'''Clerk''': Not anymore. Sorry, pal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Simon Trent''': ''[Hands Batman a film reel with the key the mystery]'' Here's your answer, take it and go! :'''Batman''': I used to admire what the Gray Ghost stood for... :'''Simon Trent''': I'm not the Gray Ghost! :'''Batman''': ''[coldly]'' I can see that now. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the launch of the Gray Ghost videos]'' :'''Bruce''': Could you make this out to 'Bruce'? :'''Gray Ghost''': ''[signing autograph]'' Here you are, Bruce. :'''Bruce''': Thanks. As a kid, I used to watch you with my father. The Gray Ghost was my hero. :'''Gray Ghost''': ''[realizing]'' Really... :'''Bruce''': ''[smiling]'' And he still is. ===''Prophecy Of Doom'' [1.19]=== :'''Nostromos''': I predict... you and I are about to become rich as pigs! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lucas''': No one could've predicted Batman would spot me. Not even the great Nostromos. Besides, how do you know Wayne survived? :'''Nostromos''': The news said he got off the elevator right before it fell, you pathetic amateur! :'''Lucas''': Well, you didn't predict he would ''die'', exactly... ===''Feat Of Clay Part 1'' [1.20]=== :''[About Matt Hagen's repeated use of "Renuyu" to restore his disfigured face]'' :'''Teddy Lupus''': You can't go on like this, Matt. You hurt all the time now. :'''[[w:Clayface|Matt Hagen]]''': ''[irritated]'' You're just my stand-in, Lupus. Nobody promoted you to nursemaid! :'''Lupus''': That stuff makes your face like putty, Matt; it can't be good for ya. :'''Hagen''': It probably ain't good for me. But unless I only want to do ''horror'' pictures, it ain't bad for me either. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Listen up, scumwad, 'cause I'm only gonna ask you once. Who was Lucius Fox meeting at the tram? :'''Raymond Bell''': Wayne... Bruce Wayne! :'''Batman''': You lying sleaze! You wanna rethink that answer? ===''Feat Of Clay Part 2'' [1.21]=== :'''Clayface''': ''[testing his new shapeshifting powers]'' The formula must have soaked every cell in my body. :'''Teddy Lupus''': It's.... It's some kind of miracle! ''[sees Matt change back into Clayface]'' Wha... What are you doing? :'''Clayface''': No. No! You broke my concentration! It won't work, don't you see?! It's too hard! It's like tensing a muscle - I can't keep it up for long! MY CAREER, MY ''LIFE'' - IT ''IS'' GONE! AND I CAN NEVER GET IT BACK! ''[In his rage, Clayface destroys several things in the trailer]'' I'm not an actor anymore! I'm not even... a ''man''! ''[Sobs softly]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Clayface''': Not even the Batman could stop me, Teddy. And that means ''Daggett'' won't have a prayer. :'''Teddy''': Matt, please, you don't wanna do anything crazy. Why don't you try to get some shuteye? :'''Clayface''': ''[growls]'' DON'T YOU DARE PATRONIZE ME!!! I told you I don't need rest! I don't need food! AND I DON'T NEED YOU!!!! ''[grabs Teddy and throws him to a bookcase then walks out the door]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Roland Daggett is at a talk show talking about Renuyu facial cream and the host entertains audience questions]'' :'''Woman''': I'd like to ask Mr. Daggett about the rumors I've heard. I hear he's selling Renuyu through direct marketing because stores won't carry it due to its harmful side effects. :'''[[w:Roland Daggett|Roland Daggett]]''': Well that's, uh, absolutely untrue- :'''Woman''': ''[stands up and approaches him]'' What about the addictive properties of Renuyu, Mr. Daggett? Once you're hooked, you can't stop using it without horrible...''pain''! :'''Daggett''': No! I mean... That's just not so! :'''Woman''': Why don't you show them what an ''overdose'' can do, Daggett?! Why don't you tell them ''[voices goes deeper]'' about ME?! ''[transforms into Clayface]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Batman tricks Clayface into confronting him in a recording room, where he turns multiple screens showing headshots of Clayface's past roles]'' :'''Clayface''': What are you doing?! Stop it! :'''Batman''': Look at them, Hagan. Look at what you used to be. :'''Clayface''': No, no! Turn them off! :'''Batman''': You can play those roles again, Hagan. Let me help you find a cure. :'''Clayface''': ''[begins to shapeshift into his past roles]'' No! Hagan's gone! Make him stop haunting me! ''[begins to uncontrollably shapeshift into his past roles]'' Stop it! Turn them off! I can't control it! I can't be all of them! Not all at once! :''[Batman tries to turn on some more screens, but Clayface knocks him out of the way and smashes the control panels; Clayface yanks off one of the screens and throws it at Batman, who dodges; the screen hits the big screen, causing an explosion; the police arrive to see Clayface in his shapeshifting seizure as he shifts his face into Bruce Wayne]'' :'''Officer''': Mother of mercy! It looks just like Bruce Wayne! :''[Clayface punches through two screens, electrocuting him and reverting back into his true form and he topples over; Batman walks up to Clayface]'' :'''Clayface''': ''[morphs into Matt Hagan]'' You know what I'd have given for a death scene like this? ''[morphs into his scarred form]'' Too bad I won't get to... read the notices. ''[faints and reverts back to his true form.]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Lucius Fox''': I'm just glad to know it wasn't really Bruce Wayne who attacked me. :'''Summer Gleeson''': Thank you, Mr. Fox. All charges against Wayne have, of course, been dropped. And Roland Daggett remains in custody. :''[as Alfred turns off the TV, Batman is experimenting with a piece of Clayface's clay]'' :'''Alfred''': My word, sir. I should think after all this, it would time to rest. :'''Batman''': Look. A piece of clay left behind when they took Hagan's body away. Watch. ''[zaps the clay with electricity, causing it to morph into multiple shapes]'' :'''Alfred''': Electricity has no effect on it? :'''Batman''': Exactly. ''[scene changes to a morgue where a doctor uncovers Clayface's body; voice-over]'' I wouldn't be surprised if the body they took to the morgue was only a shell ''[Clayface's body cracks and crumbles into little pieces]'' Don't forget, first and foremost, Hagan was an actor. ''[scene changes to Teddy outside the hospital]'' He said it himself, Alfred. He called it a scene. Maybe the greatest scene in his career. :'''Teddy''': ''[sadly]'' See you 'round, Matt. ''[walks away]'' :'''Batman''': A death scene so real... it fooled us all. :''[a woman laughs maniacally as her voice grows deeper and her eyes turn yellow, revealing her to be a disguised Clayface]'' ===''Joker's Favor'' [1.22]=== :'''[[w:Joker (comics)|Joker]]''': ''[tosses two pennies on the ground]'' There's your two cents. Now, what are you going to do to me? :'''Charlie''': Listen.... I... O'm sorry, really! I.... I had a bad day. Boss turned down my raise, and... :'''Joker''': Now look, my rude friend! We can't have people cursing at each other on the freeway. It's simply ''not polite''! ''[jumps down and grabs him]'' I'm just going to have to teach you some manners. ''[reaches into his coat]'' :'''Charlie''': Please don't! I have a family, a wife, a little boy! Please! I'll do anything to make it up! Anything! :'''Joker''': Anything, says you? ''[Charlie nods; Joker releases him]'' Okee-dokee! Wallet. :'''Charlie''': Uh, okay. I don't have much cash. :'''Joker''': Oh, please! Don't insult me! ''[takes out driver's license]'' Charles Michael Collins. That's you! Tsk tsk, lousy picture, though. Lousy! Address, height, weight, blah blah blah. ''[tosses the wallet back and keeps the license]'' Righty-o, Chuckers! Here's the deal. I'll let you off if you promise to do a little favor for me. :'''Charlie''': Okay. What? :'''Joker''': ''I DON'T KNOW! I HAVEN'T THOUGHT OF IT YET!'' You just toddle on back to your mundane, meaningless little life, and when I need you, I'll call. Fair? Good? Great! I'll be in touch. ''[walks away, laughing maniacally]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Charlie''': Hello? :'''Joker''': Hello, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': Wrong number, pal. My name is Don. :'''Joker''': Oh, no, no, no. This IS the right number, Charles Michael Collins. Oh, I don't know why you changed your name to Don Wallace and moved your family to 12 Marigold Lane, Springdale, Ohio. One might think you were trying to skip out on our little deal. ''[to Harley Quinn]'' Leave the sideburns. :'''Charlie''': Uh... how did you find me? :'''Joker''': Oh, I never lost you, Chaz. You've become my... HOBBY!! ''[laughs maniacally]'' Now, listen up, Charlie Brown. You're booked on the next flight to Gotham. Tell the family you have to visit a sick friend. Oh, and let's keep this to ourselves, 'kay? Bad things happen to people who gossip, capisce, Carlo? ''[Charlie looks out the window to see Joker's henchmen pull up to his house]'' :'''Charlie''': Yeah... :'''Joker''': Good! See ya! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': You miserable little ''nobody!'' If I get caught, your wife and son are history! :'''Charlie''': You're not getting caught. Not this time. I found this blown out of the van. :''[He pulls one of the Joker's bombs from his jacket, and the Joker looks shocked and afraid]'' :'''Charlie''': This is how it ends, Joker. No big schemes, no grand fight to the finish with the Dark Knight. Tomorrow, all the papers will say is that the great Joker was found blown to bits in an alley, alongside a "miserable little nobody"! ''[chuckles]'' Kinda funny. Ironic, really. See? I can destroy a man's dreams too! And that's really the only dream you've got, isn't it?! :'''Joker''': ''[still scared]'' Look, Charlie, you've had a busy day! All this running around, all this excitement with... ''[yelling out desperately]'' '''''BATMAN!''''' Stop! You... you're crazy! :'''Charlie''': I had a good teacher! ''[chuckles]'' Say goodnight, Gracie! :'''Joker''': ''[terrified, trying to crawl away]'' NO! '''BATMAN! ''BATMAN!''''' ''[sees Batman in the shadows, and gasps with relief and annoyance]'' How long have you been there?! :'''Batman''': Long enough. Put it down, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': You know he'll just escape again! This is the only way my family stays safe! :'''Joker''': All right, you win! Take it easy! ''[surrenders his notebook to Batman]'' Here's everything on his blasted family - names, addresses, it's all there! You're no fun anymore, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': Hey, Joker! ''[throws the bomb at the Joker, who cowers behind Batman - only for the "bomb" to release harmless confetti]'' Gotcha! :''[Batman lets out a short laugh]'' :'''Joker''': ''[dryly]'' Oh, very funny. A million laughs. :'''Batman''': Go home, Mr. Collins. :'''Charlie''': Home. I never thought that could sound so good. I wonder what Bonnie's making for dinner. Right now, anything would taste great. Even meatloaf. ===''Vendetta'' [1.23]=== :'''Batman''': Here's how it works, slimeball. I have questions, and if you have answers, I'll leave you alone. :'''Rupert Thorne''': Oh, I have plenty of answers... thirty-eight caliber answers. Now then, you were saying? :'''Batman''': ''[Using Thorne as a shield]'' I was saying, you'd better hope your men are ''very'' good shots. It's too hot in here. Let's get some air. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Killer Croc''': Terrific. Just what I need now. The freak job in the cape. :'''Batman''': You're no prize yourself. :'''Killer Croc''': ''[strangling Batman]'' What can I tell you now? Being a reptile man ain't pretty... but it's got its upside. Like having the strength of a crocodile, for instance! But I guess you've learned that by now, huh? ''[forcing Batman into the water]'' The hard way. You know, they used to call "Killer Croc" the meanest dude in the Wrestling Federation. Now they'll call him the guy who iced the Batman! :'''Batman''': ''[flip-kicks Killer Croc really hard and gets out of the water]'' Don't hold your breath. ===''Fear Of Victory'' [1.24]=== :'''Mr. Lucky''': Lost? You have that bewildered look, but your sort always does. :'''Thug''': ''[grabs him threateningly]'' I ain't lost. I'm lookin' for you! I wanna know how come you always win, Mr. Lucky. :'''Mr. Lucky''': It's quite simple, actually. I fix the games. :'''Thug''': You can't fix ''all'' those sports. Nobody can! :'''Mr. Lucky''': Oh, ye of little brain, allow me to illustrate. ''[hands the thug an envelope laced in fear toxin]'' Here. You can read, can't you? :'''Thug''': ''[reads it]'' "Boo!" Hey, is this some kinda joke? :'''Mr. Lucky''': It's no joke, I assure you. It's the fear of victory, and the agony of... ''[the thug pulls Mr. Lucky out of the shadows, revealing his true identity]'' '''the Scarecrow!''' :''[The thug gasps in fear, now a victim of his toxin]'' :'''Scarecrow''': So now you understand Step One in how I fix an athletic contest. ''[Scarecrow comes closer to the thug, causing him to fall into some stacks of hay]'' I shall proceed to Step Two! ''[chuckles evilly]'' :'''Thug''': No! NO! GET AWAY! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': There's enough powder in that helmet to panic a pachyderm! He should be postering himself, crying for mercy! :'''Batman''': Change of luck, Scarecrow? :'''Scarecrow''': YOU! :'''Batman''': You're aware that gambling is illegal in Gotham? :'''Scarecrow''': I need the money, Batman! You know the cost of chemicals these days. And it will take much more than this to bring every pathetic person in Gotham to their knees, kissing my feet! ''[reveals a vial of his fear chemical and dangles it above the crowd]'' No closer, Batman! Unless you want a stampede of half-crazed humanity crushing and clawing each other! Now... what guarantee do I have you won't follow me? :'''Batman''': You have my word, Scarecrow. Just don't drop the vial. :'''Scarecrow''': Actually, Batman, I'd prefer a little insurance that you'll be otherwise occupied! ''[drops it]'' ===''The Clock King'' [1.25]=== :'''Fugate''': (after judgment has been passed) No! You can't! I'll be ruined! :'''Judge''': Then perhaps this will teach you to be on time for a change. :'''Batman''': What kind of a saboteur uses a six-thousand dollar Metronex to set a time bomb? :'''Alfred''': A saboteur with too much money? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman:''' Hold it! :'''Fugate:''' Well, well. The Batman. It's about time you showed up! I suppose you want to know why I've brought Downtown Gotham to a standstill, Batman. Hm? Well, let's just say it's because I'm a civic minded citizen with a lot of time on his hands. :'''Batman''': I want some answers, wise guy. Talk! :'''Fugate''': A pity. I don't know what to tell you, Batman - except perhaps that the 9:15 is always six minutes early. :''(He falls off the building and lands safely on the roof of an oncoming train as it speeds away)'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mayor Hill is tied to the hands of a huge clock]'' :'''Clock King''': Comfortable, Hill? Well you won't be for long! At 3:15 on the dot, those hands will come together and you'll be crushed like an insect. 3:15, Hill. Does that time hold any meaning for you? :'''Mayor Hill''': I don't know what you're talking about! :'''Clock King''': You told me to take my coffee break at 3:15. :'''Mayor Hill''': What?! :'''Clock King''': You don't remember?! My ''court date!'' :'''Mayor Hill''': ''[finally realizing]'' Oh my Lord! The lawsuit! Fugate! I swear I was only trying to help! :'''Clock King''': Don't hand me that! You did it on purpose! The plaintiffs were represented by your law firm, Mr. Mayor! :'''Mayor Hill''': But I had nothing to do with that case, Fugate! :'''Clock King''': Not that it matters anymore. Now that you have an appointment to keep, at 3:15 precisely—with the '''Grim Reaper!''' ''[begins laughing maniacally]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I'm here to clean your clock, Fugate. :'''Fugate''': Don't count on it, Batman. When it comes to clocks, ''I'' am king. ''En garde''! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Stop this, Fugate! Hill committed no crime against you! :'''Temple Fugate''': He did worse than that! He made me late! :'''Batman''': Fugate! You can't escape! :'''Clock King''': Au contraire, Batman. You of all people should know, there's always a way out! :''(Fugate begins laughing maniacally as a huge clock wheel falls on him, sending him to his apparent death)'' ===''Appointment In Crime Alley'' [1.26]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': Roland Daggett's up to something, Alfred. :'''Alfred''': That almost goes without saying, doesn't it, sir? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Leslie Thompkins''': This used to be a beautiful street. Good people lived here once. :'''Batman''': ''[placing two roses on the ground]'' Good people still live in Crime Alley. ===''Mad As A Hatter'' [1.27]=== :'''Jervis Tetch''': ''[Discussing the subject of Alice to his lab rats.]'' Of course, intellectually I know it's wrong. After all, she has a boyfriend. Better to withdraw like a gentleman- forget her, turn my heart to other pursuits. ''[Brief pause]'' NEVER! After all, I've created a chip strong enough to control a human brain! It would be so easy to make her forget her boorish beau and love ME! But...that would reduce her to a soulless shell. No...not my Alice. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman has cornered Jervis Tetch, who just subdued Alice with her mindcontrol card and is at a dinner table with him]'' :'''Jervis Tetch/Mad Hatter''': I'll cut that cowl off your neck before you'll take her! I've waited my whole lonely life for her! :'''Batman''': Then all you've waited for is a puppet. A soulless little doll. :'''Mad Hatter''': It didn't have to be this way! You made me do this to her! ===''Dreams In Darkness'' [1.28]=== :'''Batman''': "There's always time to heal", the doctor told me, but he was wrong. There was no time left. Not for me, not for him, and not for Gotham City. And as long as I remained trapped in Arkham, there was nothing I could do, except wait for the end and remember the beginning. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': An entire city, screaming in fear... I wonder if we'll be able to hear it... ===''Eternal Youth'' [1.29]=== :'''Mrs. Thomas''': You wicked, evil- :'''Poison Ivy''': Evil, Mrs. Thomas? I don't control a company that leveled a thousand-year-old forest for a strip mine! THAT'S evil! ''[sprays a gas which causes Mrs. Thomas to become petrified; steals a pair of earrings]'' You and your kind owe Mother Nature a big debt, and I am here to make sure you pay up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': Right now, the bark is merely exoskeletal. It will take months of additional spraying before the transformations become irreversible. But, of course, I have the patience of a redwood. :'''Batman''': ''[snarling]'' And the convictions of a fanatic! :'''Poison Ivy''': Well, if you're not going to be part of the solution, you're obviously part of the problem. Ladies? :''[Ivy's henchwomen begin to spray Batman with the growth formula]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': This spray is triple-strength, Batman! It will start the transformation without any preliminaries! ''[Nothing seems to happen to Batman as he unties his hands]'' He should be sprouting leaves by now! :'''Batman''': ''[Unties his hands and stands up, blocking the spray with his cape as he advances]'' You made your secret too accessible, Ivy! I coated my outfit with a herbicidal antidote! :'''Poison Ivy''': Keep spraying! ''[Violet and Lily back away, still spraying, but Batman subdues them both]'' ===''Perchance To Dream'' [1.30]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[Looking down off the ledge, preparing to jump]'' You're wrong! There IS a way out! :'''Mad Hatter''': Now, now wait just a minute! You don't want to do anything foolish! This isn't an ordinary dream! What if you're wrong?! :'''Bruce Wayne''': '''THEN I'LL SEE YOU IN YOUR ''NIGHTMARES''!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': '''''WHY?''''' Why did you do it?! :'''Mad Hatter''': You, of all people, have the GALL to ask me that? You RUINED MY LIFE! I was willing to give you WHATEVER life you wanted, JUST TO KEEP YOU OUT OF ''MINE!'' <hr width="75%"/> ===''The Cape & Cowl Conspiracy'' [1.31]=== :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Look up "slippery" in the dictionary and you get Josiah Wormwood. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[About the [[w:Bat-Signal|Bat-Signal]]]'' Got a new toy, I see. :'''Gordon''': I figured it might come in handy. ===''[[w:Robin's Reckoning|Robin's Reckoning Part 1]]'' [1.32]=== :''[Robin and Batman are doing a stakeout]'' :'''Robin''': If I knew it was going to take THIS long, I would've brought my homework. You sure about this extortion ring? :'''Batman''': ''[Looking at the construction site through binoculars]'' Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': It's been four hours. :'''Batman''': Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': You still think they'll show? :'''Batman''': Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': Lucky for me, you're such a good conversationalist. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': If you protect him, Stromwell, I'll be very... GRUMPY. [[The Incredible Hulk|You don't want to see me when I'm grumpy]]. ===''[[w:Robin's Reckoning|Robin's Reckoning Part 2]]'' [1.33]=== :'''[[w:Tony Zucco|Tony Zucco]]''': I'm not back in town five minutes - FIVE MINUTES - and he's on my tail. You don't know the Bat. He don't let up! He's the dark angel of death, man, and he wants ME! :'''Mick''': ... Why you, boss? :'''Zucco''': HOW SHOULD I KNOW?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Robin is about to throw Tony Zucco off the pier]'' :'''Tony Zucco''': No, don't! Please... :'''Batman''': Robin! Enough. ''[limps towards him]'' You can't let your emotions get the best of you. :'''Robin''': Stuff your advice, Batman! You and your stone-cold heart! You don't know how I feel. HOW COULD YOU?!? ''[Batman looks at him, and Robin realizes what he said]'' Batman, I didn't mean to... I'm sorry. ''[after he sees the police coming, Robin seemingly readies to throw Zucco off the pier but simply throws him to the ground. The cops arrive and arrest Zucco.]'' You were right, you know, not bringing me along. You knew I'd take it too personally. :'''Batman''': It wasn't that, Robin. It wasn't that at all. Zucco's taken so much, caused you so much pain. I couldn't stand the thought that he might... take you, too. :'''Robin''': ''[putting a hand on Batman's shoulder]'' Come on, partner. It's been a long night. ===''The Laughing Fish'' [1.34]=== :'''Alfred''': ''[seeing Batman with a Joker Fish]'' Dining in tonight, sir? :'''Batman''': ''[sighs]'' The dissection tray, please, Alfred... :'''Alfred''': Any idea what our happy friend is up to now? :'''Batman''': Normal criminals usually have logical motives, but the Joker's insane schemes make sense to him alone. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': Ah-ah-ah-ahem! Look alive, wage slaves. Presenting that caliph of clowns, that mogul of mountebanks, the one and only Joker! :''[The Joker enters, laughing maniacally]'' :'''Francis''': Great Scott! :'''Joker''': Actually, I'm Irish. Good morning, Mister, err, ''[looks at his desk's name plate]'' Francis! Please allow me to introduce my associates. Miss Quinn. :'''Harley Quinn''': ''Enchante''! :'''Joker''': And Messrs, uh... oh, their names escape me for the moment. No matter! We gentlemen of business have arrangements to discuss. :'''Francis''': A... Arrangements? :'''Joker''': ''[drops a Joker Fish onto his desk]'' For my fish, of course! This has all been worked out far in advance, Francis. You are merely the last tiny cog in my grand design! So don't speak to me again, 'kay? Now, what is everyone in town talking about? :'''Francis''': Err... your fish? :'''Joker''': ''[smacks him with the fish]'' I TOLD YOU NOT TO SPEAK! :'''Harley''': ''[sniffs Francis]'' Ooh, fish stink-a-roony! ''[sprays him with a substance from a perfume bottle, making him cough]'' All better! :'''Joker''': As I was saying, since every fish in Gotham now bares my famous and frankly ''fabulous'' face, I should be getting a profit from every fish product sold. ''[one of his thugs pours out a pile of products]'' Let's say a nickel per fish sandwich, fifty cents for sardines - millions of dollars a day to finance my happily hedonistic lifestyle! So which of your tedious copyright forms do I fill out first? You may speak now. :'''Francis''': No one can copyright fish. They're a natural resource. :'''Joker''': But they share my unique face! [[w:Colonel Sanders|Colonel What's-His-Name]] has chickens, and they don't even have moustaches! :'''Francis''': I can't help it, it's the law! :'''Joker''': Oh! Trying to cheat the Joker, are ya?! Well, we'll see who has the last laugh. You have until midnight to change your mind, Francis, or you'll be the poorest fish of all! ''[leaves, laughing madly, with his thugs following]'' :'''Harley''': ''[blows Francis a kiss as she follows]'' Buh-bye! :'''Francis''': He's crazy...! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Francis''': Err, Batman? Why is this happening to me? I've never done anything to this Joker. I'm just a paper-pusher, I can't change the laws. I'm harmless! :'''Batman''': And in his sick mind, that's the joke, Mr. Francis. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Feeling all right? :'''Francis''': ''[scratching himself]'' Oh, sure. It's just that everything's been so crazy today. I haven't even had time to rinse off that gunk the Joker's girl squirted on me... :'''Batman''': ''[to Gordon]'' GET THIS MAN TO A HOSPITAL! ''NOW!'' :'''Francis''': What?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': You're right, Harley. Fish ''are'' disgusting. I think I'll start using my toxin on cattle. Joker Burgers! Ha! Talk about a [[w:McDonald's|Happy Meal!]] <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': ''[after hitting Batman with a big wrench]'' Meanwhile, back at the "wrench"...! Since my sidesplitters don't tickle you, how 'bout a ''skull''-splitter?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After the Joker is seemingly eaten by the shark]'' :'''Harley''': ''[sniffing sadly]'' Oh, my poor, poor puddin'... :'''Bullock''': Come on, he was a demented, abusive, psychotic maniac. :'''Harley''': Yeah... I'm really gonna miss him! ''[sobs into her handkerchief]'' :'''Gordon''': Do you think he's gone for good? :'''Batman''': Believe me, Jim, I wish it were true. But deep inside, I doubt it. ===''Night Of The Ninja'' [1.35]=== :'''[[w:Kyodai Ken|Kyodai Ken]]''': ''[Throwing Bruce]'' Don't be depressed, Wayne-san. You're not bad for a rich man's pampered son. :'''Sensei''': ''[Leaps across room and throws Kyodai]'' There's always someone better, Kyodai. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': His name is Kyodai Ken. He was good. :'''Robin''': Yeah? How good? :'''Batman''': ''[Quickly]'' Good. :'''Robin''': I see. <hr width="80%"/> ===''Cat Scratch Fever'' [1.36]=== :'''Selina Kyle''': Don't tell me you're my very own private probation officer. How often would you like me to check in? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': "Viral Antitoxins". For a plague that doesn't exist, yet, but if the plague is introduced via stray dogs and cats, it will blanket Gotham City within weeks! :'''Roland Daggett''': Days, actually. You know how many strays there are in Gotham, Batman? Three hundred thousand! Imagine if even a tenth of them carried the virus. Not only will this little bottle make me a hero, it'll make me a fortune as well. ===''The Strange Secret Of Bruce Wayne'' [1.37]=== :''[Joker, Two-Face, and Penguin are bidding over Batman's secret identity]'' :'''Two-Face''': $500,000 :'''Penguin''': Poof. Chicken feed. I'll bet a million! :'''Two-Face''': ''TWO'' Million! :'''Strange''': I have two million. Do I hear three? :'''Joker''': Hold it, hold it, HOLD IT! :'''Two-Face''': Get outta my face, clown! :'''Joker''': Which one? :''[An angered Two-Face is about to attack Joker, but Penguin intervenes]'' :'''Penguin''': Gentlemen, it behooves us not to fight amongst ourselves. :'''Joker''': Well put, sardine breath! I think we should ''pool'' our resources on this. $51,240,685! ''[gets out a little coin purse, and pours out some coins]'' And uh, 53 cents. :'''Strange''': Sold! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Strange''': Joker, please! I was set up! Bruce Wayne is Batman! :'''Two-Face''': That's absurd! I know Bruce Wayne. If he's Batman, I'm the King of England! :'''Joker''': And people say I'M crazy! ===''Heart Of Steel Part 1'' [1.38]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': And who's your little friend? :''[Barbara takes a teddy bear out of her purse]'' :'''Barbara Gordon''': Oh, this is Wubby. I've had him forever. Dad won't pick me up at the airport without bringing him along. :'''Commissioner Gordon''': ''[blushing]'' Well... he knows the way better than I do. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': ''[After learning about the AI project]'' Sounds as if the human race could become quite expendable, except for butlers, of course. :'''Batman''': Of course. ===''Heart Of Steel Part 2'' [1.39]=== :'''Randa''': You have immobilized the maker. :'''[[w:HARDAC|HARDAC]]''': His human imperfection endangers the plan. He must be improved upon. <hr width="50%"/> :'''HARDAC''': The maker's concept was sound, but he did not go far enough - which is why I have taken over. ===''If You're So Smart, Why Aren't You Rich?'' [1.40]=== :'''[[w:Riddler|Edward Nygma]]''': ''[Being cheated out of the sales of his game]'' You are a fool, Mockridge, to think you can get away with this! Your amoral greed is no match for an intellect like mine! :'''Mockridge''': Oh, yeah? Then tell me something, Eddie: if you're so smart, why aren't you ''rich?'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman reprograms the Hand of Fate, and uses it to carry himself and Robin to the centre of the maze]'' :'''Riddler''': That is grand-scale CHEATING, Batman! You're not allowed to tamper with the Hand of Fate! :'''Batman''': I don't believe in fate! :'''Riddler''': You probably don't believe in Minotaurs either, but you'll still have to answer the Riddle. :'''Minotaur Robot''': ''I have billions of eyes, yet I live in darkness. I have millions of ears, yet only four lobes. I have no muscles, yet I move two hemispheres. What am I?'' :'''Batman''': ''[pauses in thought]'' That's simple: the human brain. ''[The Minotaur backs away]'' It has billions of optic and auditory nerves, four lobes and two hemispheres, and it's the only thing Edward Nygma respects. :'''Riddler''': A lucky guess, that's all! But it won't save you, Batman! ''[to the Minotaur]'' DESTROY THEM! ===''Joker's Wild'' [1.41]=== :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[as Joker changes the channel in the TV]'' Hey, I was watching that! :'''Joker''': And now you're watching this! :'''Poison Ivy''': Change it back! :'''Joker''': Nope, nope, nope, nope, don't want to. :'''Poison Ivy''': Guard! :'''Security Guard''': What's the problem? :'''Joker''': Don't look now, Sonny Jim, but the plant lady's gone whackers again. :'''Poison Ivy''': He started it! I was just sitting here! :'''Joker''': That's right, you're always blaming me. And the children wonder why we fight! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...the Joker's Wild! :''[Cameron Kaiser cuts the ribbon and unveils a casino with a gigantic Joker head. He is seen spoken to by Summer Gleeson]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': Ugh, that is disgusting! :'''Cameraman''': Psst, Summer! We're on the air! :'''Summer Gleeson''': ''[mortified]'' Oh! Uh... there you have it! Let's get a reaction from the guests. Mr. Wayne? :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[equally nauseated]'' No comment. :'''Summer Gleeson''': Mr. Kaiser, why build a casino seemingly in honor of one of history's most notorious outlaws? :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Summer, please! Wild Joker is a classic symbol, long associated with cards and games. I can't help it if there's a some passing resemblance to some criminal fruitcake. :''[An enraged Joker smashes the television]'' :'''Joker''': How dare that smug, preening fool try to cash in on ''MY'' image! :'''Poison Ivy''': Now who should lighten up? :'''Joker''': Don't get cute with me, Red. He's ripping me off! I'll protest! Yeah! I'll sue! Then I'll rip his lungs out! And I will, too! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': It was a scheme worthy of ''me'', Kaiser, the way you got me riled up and turned me loose on this place! :'''Cameron Kaiser''': You...! You were supposed to destroy the casino! :'''Joker''': Yeah, but then I realized it'd be more fun to get rid of you and run the show myself! :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Bu-But you can't...! :'''Joker''': Oh please, Mr. Kaiser! You of all people should have realized there'd be a Joker in the deck! ''[laughs]'' ===''Tyger Tyger'' [1.42]=== :'''Dorian''': I want to test Tygrus' reflexes and feral strength, and who better to pit him against than you? I'll give you a generous head start before I release Tygrus. If you defeat him, I shall relinquish this, the antigen to reverse Catwoman's mutation. :'''Batman''': How do I know you'll keep your word? :'''Dorian''': You don't. The clock is ticking, Batman. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': So you ''can'' talk. :'''Tygrus''': My father taught me. :'''Batman''': Your father was a test tube. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': Batman! The antidote! I'll be stuck like this forever! :'''Tygrus''': Would that be so bad? You could stay here, with me. :'''Catwoman''': Oh, Tygrus... I can't live like this, I have to be human again. :'''Tygrus''': ''[sadly, taking her hands in his]'' Goodbye, Selina. :''[As he leaves, Catwoman sees that he has given here the serum. She looks overjoyed, then calls out to him]'' :'''Catwoman''': Wait - won't you come with us? There's nothing for you here. :'''Tygrus''': There's nothing for me anywhere. ''[disappears into the falling rain]'' :'''Batman''': ''[in voiceover]'' "[[w:The Tyger|Tyger Tyger burning bright, in the forests of the night: what immortal hand or eye, dare frame thy fearful symmetry?]]" ===''Moon Of The Wolf'' [1.43]=== :'''Professor Milo''': What you're suffering from is an early stage of lycanthropy, more commonly known as werewolfism; for that I have no treatment. However, advanced werewolfism can be cured. :'''Anthony Romulus''': ''[after a wolf howls, Anthony starts transforming]'' Ohhh, you fool! There's no telling what the werewolf might do! :'''Professor Milo''': Hey, ask me if I care. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Do me a favour, shaggy: stay down! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bullock''': No trace of Wolfie! We checked the shoreline for miles! But in four weeks, there's another full moon. Then we'll know for sure. ===''Day Of The Samurai'' [1.44]=== :''[Batman swoops away after rescuing his Sensei's student, Kairi]'' :'''Kairi''': ''[In Japanese]'' Spirit of the bat... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yoru''': If you see Batman, tell him I have great respect for him. :'''Bruce''': Why? He's as much a ninja as Kyodai was. :'''Yoru''': Not so. Batman offered to help his adversary, and a lesser man would have used the secrets of the Onemuri touch against his opponent. Batman is the essence of samurai, Wayne-san. You would do well to remember that. :'''Bruce''': ''[bows]'' Domo arigato, sensei. ===''Terror In The Sky'' [1.45]=== :'''Batman''': Reports of a huge bat creature the size of a man. Remind you of anybody? :'''Alfred''': Present company excluded? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You couldn't leave it alone, could you, March? You've recreated the mutagen. :'''March''': ''[aiming a tranquilizer rifle at him]'' Recreated it? I've ''refined'' it! At night, on my own, so the others wouldn't know. I still believe only a creature like a Man-Bat can survive the next evolutionary cataclysm - and it will! My new serum could be even more powerful than Kirk's! :'''Batman''': ''[after disarming March]'' "''Could'' be"? What do you mean? :'''March''': I needed to test it, but before I had the chance-- :'''Batman''': ''[clearly surprised]'' You mean you ''haven't'' taken it? :'''March''': Of course not! The experimental batch was destroyed. I'll have to-- :'''Batman''': Destroyed? How? :'''March''': I'd been working through the night. I was just completing the final combination. ''[remembers incident at his lab as he drops the beaker of mutagen upon Francine's surprise entry]'' Francine burst in. I was startled. You have to understand I was very tired, I accidentally dropped the beaker. The whole night's work, ruined! Francine never guessed what I was doing, she even helped me clean up the mess. All that... glass! ''[recalls Francine licking her finger after it is pricked by a small shard of glass]'' Oh... oh, my lord... Francine! The mutagen - it's in ''her'' bloodstream now! ''[breaks down at his folly as Batman loads a tranquilizer into a pistol of his and then gives March the formula paperwork]'' :'''Batman''': Is ''that'' what it's going to take? Your daughter's life, before you end this insanity? :''[Later that night, March burns the files]'' ===''Almost Got 'Im'' [1.46]=== :'''Joker''': I want a nice clean game, gentlemen. :'''Penguin''': That'll be a first. So, I hear 'you-know-who' nailed the Mad Hatter last week. :'''Joker''': No kidding. He sure gets around for one guy. :'''Two-Face''': Yeah, well that's where you're wrong. I don't think it IS one guy. :'''[[w:Killer Croc|Killer Croc]]''': Huh? :'''Two-Face''': The way I figure it, Gordon's got a bunch of 'em stashed someplace like a SWAT team. He wants you to think it's one guy, but- :'''Joker''': Meh. You're always seeing double. :'''Penguin''': It's obvious our caped friend suffered some crime-related trauma when he was younger. Perhaps an over-anxious mugger blew off a piece of his face. :'''Joker''': Sure! He could be all gross and disgusting under that mask! ''[as Two-Face crushes a milk carton]'' Uh, no offense, Harv. :'''Two-Face''': Just deal. :'''Killer Croc''': Well, ya know what ''I'' think? :'''Joker''': Not the robot theory again... :'''Killer Croc''': Well, he COULD be. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Two-Face''': Poison Ivy... :'''Poison Ivy''': It's been a long time Harvey. You're still looking...halfway decent. :'''Two-Face''': Half of me wants to strangle ya. :'''Poison Ivy''': And what's the other part want? :'''Two-Face''': To hit you with a truck! :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[to the others]'' We used to date. :'''Penguin/Joker''': Ah. ===''Birds Of A Feather'' [1.47]=== :'''[[w:Penguin (comics)|Penguin]]''': Say, who's there? Two-Face? Croc? Joker, old shoe? :'''Batman''': None of the above, Penguin. :'''Penguin''': Oh no, not you... :'''Batman''': Get used to it. Wherever you go, I'll be right behind you. :'''Penguin''': Precisely where you belong. But you needn't bother. Haven't you heard? I've reformed. Paid my debt to society, and all that. :'''Batman''': We'll see. I just came to tell you to keep your beak clean. :'''Penguin''': ''[grabs a can of rat poison]'' As long as you're here, won't you stay for a cappuccino? :''[Batman gives him an annoyed look before leaving]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Batman defeats a gang of thugs threatening the Penguin and Veronica]'' :'''Batman''': I knew you couldn't stay clean for more than one day. :'''Veronica''': Let him go! He didn't do anything. It was those brutes! :'''Batman''': ''[genuinely surprised]'' He wasn't with them? :'''Penguin''': That's right, you vulgar vigilante! In my day, I associated with a much higher class of riff-raff! :'''Veronica''': I'm so sorry, Ozzie. :'''Penguin''': As long as you weren't bruised, my peach. ''[kisses her hand]'' :'''Batman''': "Peach"? :'''Penguin''': Why don't you be a good masked man and ride off into the night? This time, ''I'll'' clean up after ''you.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Veronica''': Please, Oswald! If it's money you want, I can get you more! :'''Penguin''': ''SHUT UP!'' All I wanted from ''you'', dearie, was a little friendship. That would have cost you ''nothing.'' But now you'll pay! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Veronica''': Oswald? I really was growing fond of you. It's too bad this had to happen. :'''Penguin''': ''[coldly]'' I suppose it's true what they say: society is to blame. ''High'' society. ===''What Is Reality?'' [1.48]=== :'''Batman''': "Where does a 500 pound gorilla sleep?" "What's worse than a millipede with flat feet?" "How do you stuff five elephants into a compact car?" :'''Alfred''': Anywhere it wants, a giraffe with a sore throat, and two in the front seat, two in the back, and one in the trunk. :'''Batman''': Yeah, yeah. I know, I know. Any schoolboy knows those. But brain teasers are the Riddler's M.O. Not corny old jokes like these. :'''Alfred''': Perhaps the questions are the clues, not the answers. For example, they all seem to involve animals. :'''Batman''': Also numbers. A ''500'' pound gorilla. A millipede, meaning a thousand legs. And five elephants. Now let's convert them to Roman numerals. ''[he does, revealing the letters DMV]'' Look! :'''Alfred''': DMV... :'''Batman and Alfred''': Department of Motor Vehicles! :'''Alfred''': But I recall you mentioning he'd already obliterated his records there, so why return? :'''Batman''': For the hard copy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no tales. :'''Batman''': Another riddle, Nygma? :''[Four quarters and a single penny emerge from the return change chute]'' :'''Riddler''': It all makes sense when you add it up! :''[In the Batmobile]'' :'''Alfred''': Four quarters and a penny, sir? :'''Batman''': Penny... Penny... Cent... Red cent... Copper. It's made of copper. :'''Alfred''': And "copper" is another word for a policeman. :'''Batman''': And "no tails" would be heads. Police head... Quarters! :'''Alfred''': Police Headquarters. Bravo, sir! It does make "cents" when you add it up! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': He can't be online! I searched through every file. :'''Riddler''': You searched the software. Had you bothered to examine the hardware you would have discovered a cordless modem line. :'''Riddler''': A pity you can't earn extra lives in this game.Quite an experience being riddled with questions, isn't it, Batman :'''Robin''': Batman don't open that door Crazy Intent means Loco Motion! Batman finds himself on a chessboard: :'''Riddler''':Only Batman can put the King in check and you have to move according to the rules or its the end of the day :'''Robin''':They call you the dark Knight..so you have to move like a knight (If Batman fails to move as a knight it'll be "KNightfall" (!) :'''Riddler''':Careful, vigilante, you know what they say, "Curiosity killed the Bat". :'''Batman''': Can you solve it? :'''Robin''': Are you kidding? You're looking at the guy who solved the Baxter's Box puzzle in 37 seconds! Course, this time I don't have a sledge hammer... After escaping Riddler Virtual realty Traps, Batman tries to rescue Gordon from Riddler :'''Batman''': You may control this world, Nygma, but I still control myself! :'''Riddler''': The name is "Riddler"! Edward Nygma doesn't exist anymore! You may recall that he was once fired by an ungrateful employer! That was a private matter and was meant to remain one! :'''Batman''': Attempted homicide is never a "private matter", Nygma! :'''Riddler''': No, but it would have been if you hadn't interfered and turned Edward Nygma into a fugitive! So I deleted Nygma. Just as I'm about to delete you, Batman. :'''Batman''':Tell me this.. Riddler how can you spread your conscious thirty-two times..and still have the concentration to keep your world together? YOU CAN'T! Batman saves Gordon :'''Riddler''': No....NO..... I can escape that easy...but if the Planet was equitable...I'd still have my old Job....No...wait...I'M ...not Ready.....AHHHHH' :'''Gordon''': But we'll never find him :'''Batman''': I think he left us a clue..."If the planet were equitable, I'd still have my old job". :'''Robin''': Of course. If the "World's Fair," I'd still have my "Ex-position". Oh, give me a break. [Batman, Robin and Gordon find Riddler mind trapped in his virtual realty world] :'''Batman''': Looks like he didn't escape his virtual reality in time. :'''Robin''': You mean he's been trapped inside his own program? :'''Batman''': Could be and how to get him out may be a riddle no one can solve. ===''I Am The Night'' [1.49]=== :'''Batman''': A weary body can be dealt with. But a weary spirit? That's something else. Sometimes, old friend, I wonder if I'm really doing any good out there. :'''Alfred''': How can you doubt it? The lives you've saved, the criminals you've brought to justice-- :'''Batman''': I've put out a few fires, yes. Won a few battles. But the war goes on, Alfred. On and on... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Leslie Thompkins''': You seem quieter than usual tonight. :'''Batman''': Every year, I come here and wonder if it should be the last time. If I should put the past behind me, try to lead a normal life. :'''Dr. Thompkins''': [[George Santayana|Santayana]] says, "Those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it." :'''Batman''': He also said a fanatic is someone who redoubles his efforts while losing sight of his goal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I chose this life. I use the night - I ''became'' the night. Sooner or later, I'll go down. It might be the Joker, or Two-Face, or just some punk who gets lucky. My decision, no regrets. But I can't let anyone else pay for my mistakes. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': "[[Friedrich Nietzsche|When you look too long into the abyss, the abyss looks back through you.]]" Maybe it's time for Batman to return to the night that spawned him, before anyone else gets hurt! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[grabs Wizard]'' Up to your old tricks, I see. How about returning that suitcase to its owner? :'''Wizard''': Hey, man, I ''am'' the owner. :''[Batman, surprised, lets him go]'' :'''Wizard''': Y'know, I was kinda hoping I'd run into you. I'd been in those places like where you left me before. Heard the rap, wasn't impressed. But this time, it made sense. Maybe I was ready to hear it. So I'm heading back home. I guess I kinda owe it to you, Batman. You probably saved my life. I'll bet you hear this all the time. Look, I'm gonna miss my bus, I'll see you around. And... thanks. :''[Batman smiles as he watches Wizard leave]'' ===''Off Balance'' [1.50]=== :'''[[w:Talia al Ghul|Talia]]''': My contact lenses! I lost them when we fell! They counter the distortion effect. Without them, I'm as helpless as you. :'''Batman''': I don't do helpless. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Ra's al Ghul|Ra's al Ghul]]''': So even in defeat, the detective manages to achieve some small measure of victory. As you said, detective: this is not over. ===''The Man Who Killed Batman'' [1.51]=== :'''Joker''': You know, there's just one thing bothering me about your story, Sid. No body. No BATUS DELECTI so to speak. We need to pull a job tonight just to make sure. :'''Murphy, Joker's henchman''': Make sure what, boss? :'''Joker''': ''[surprised by Murphy's question]'' Why that old Batsy's bought the cave of course, and one more thing Murphy.....''[turning more annoyed]'' don't ask stupid questions. ''[pushes Murphy to the hyenas who scratch and lick him crazily, to Joker's satisfaction]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': I'll get the mop. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': When the cops come, stall them for awhile, just until Batman arrives. '' Got it?'' :'''Henchman''': Right, boss. :'''Joker''': ''[to Murphy, still scarred from the hyenas]'' Any questions, Murph? :'''Murphy''': No sir! :'''Joker''': ''[to Sid The Squid]'' Good man. And if Batman hasn't ''really'' gone to his final reward, ''we'll'' see that he gets there! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Dear friends... today is the day the Clown cried. And he cries not for the passing of one man, but for the death of a dream. The dream that he would someday taste the ultimate victory over his hated enemy. For it was the Batman who made me the happy soul I am today. How I agonized over the perfect way to thank him for that. Perhaps with a cyanide pie in the face. Or an exploding whoopie-cushion playfully planted in the Batmobile. But those dreams were dashed by the weaselly little gunsel sitting there in our midst. The cowardly insignificant gonif who probably got lucky when Batman slipped on the slime trail this loser left behind him. This mound of diseased hyena filth who's not fit to lick the dirt from my spats...! But I digress. The time for sorrow has passed. It's time to look to a future filled with smiles. And I'll be smiling again just as soon as we take that man THERE...and slap him in that box THERE...and roll him into that vat of acid THERE! Well that was fun...who's for Chinese?! ===''Mudslide'' [1.52]=== :'''Clayface''': ''[After civilians flee in terror upon seeing his true form]'' That's right, run! Run for your measly lives! Run from Clayface! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Clayface''': You've upstaged me for the last time, Batman. Time to bring down the curtain! ===''Paging The Crime Doctor'' [1.53]=== :'''Rupert Thorne''': You think you iced the Batman, huh? Heh heh heh... Not on your best day, Jake! I'd cover my back if I were you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce Wayne''': Bruce Wayne, Dr. Thorne. Thomas Wayne's son. Did you get my letter? :'''[[w:Joseph Campanella|Matthew Thorne]]''': Yes. Thomas Wayne... :'''Bruce Wayne''': I told you I can help with your legal costs, maybe even put in a good word with the judge. :'''Matthew Thorne''': Yes, but what do you get out of it? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Well, there is something you can do for me. :'''Matthew Thorne''': I knew it! I knew there'd be a catch. Sorry, Mr. Wayne. Matthew Thorne is no longer for sale! :'''Bruce Wayne''': I'm not looking for any illegal favors. :'''Matthew Thorne''': What then? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Something you know. Something only you can give me. ''[pause]'' Tell me about my father. :''[Dr. Thorne grins and camera pans out as he ushers Bruce to resume his seat]'' ===''Zatanna'' [1.54]=== :'''[[w:Zatanna|Zatanna]]''': What do you care about some leggy dame in nylons- or have I just answered my own question? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zatanna''': ''[About Batman's mask]'' What happened that made you put this on? :'''Batman''': A painful memory, and a promise. ===''The Mechanic'' [1.55]=== :'''The Penguin''': ''[furious at his men for stealing the wrong stamps by mistake]'' These are terrible! Terrible! :'''Eagleton''': ''[indignant]'' Come on, boss. Give me a break. We got you the stamps. What more do you want? :'''The Penguin''': ''[tossing the worthless stamps angrily]'' I wanted the rare ones! The reversed Audubons! These aren't worth enough to pay for the repairs to the limousine. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Earl Cooper''': ''[sees the damaged Batmobile]'' You been letting the kid drive again? :'''Robin''': Ha ha. Actually we were playing chicken with a penguin. :'''Batman''': Or three of his men. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Penguin is scrubbing license plates in prison]'' :'''Penguin''': ''[reading one]'' "1 BAT 4U"?! ''[breaks it in anger]'' ===''Harley and Ivy'' [1.56]=== :'''Joker''': NO, we didn't get the diamond! The Dork Knight showed up before we even got to the museum! I had a great shot at him, too. Except... my dear little Harley Quinn handed me the wrong gun! :'''Harley Quinn''': But puddin', it was kinda funny watching you shoot at him with the bang flag! ''[Rocco and Henshaw can't help laughing then stifle it as the Joker glares at them]'' :'''Joker''': ''[turning back to Harley]'' Funny? You presume to tell me what I should think is funny?!? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[Poison Ivy trips the alarm, spoiling and hers and Harley Quinn's separate robberies]'' Nice going, butterfingers! Why not turn on the Bat-Signal while you're at it? :'''Poison Ivy''': I wasn't TRYING to get caught! :'''Harley Quinn''': Could've fooled me! Hey, aren't you that plant lady Poison Oakie? :'''Poison Ivy''': Ivy! Poison IVY, not Oakie! :'''Harley Quinn''': Sorry! Harley Quinn, please to meet ya! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Poison Ivy is about to give an injection to Harley Quinn]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': I hate shots! I hate shots! :'''Poison Ivy''': Now, now. You're not immune to poison like I am, and you won't last ten minutes here in Toxic Acres without my antidote. ''[gives the injection]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': Oooh! Whew, you'd think after livin' with Mr. J, I'd be used to a little pain. :'''Poison Ivy''': Why do you put up with that clown? :'''Harley Quinn''': Don't get me wrong. My puddin's a little rough sometimes, but he loves me, really. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[sarcastically]'' Sure he does. You're just one big, forgiving doormat, aren't you? :'''Harley Quinn''': I am NOT a doormat! ...Am I? :'''Poison Ivy''': If you had a middle name, it would be Welcome. But cheer up, kid. You just need some lessons in good old female self-esteem. In other words, let's play with the boys on ''our'' terms. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': That should keep you big strong men busy while we weak little girls loot your trophy room. :'''Harley Quinn''': Gee, Ives, you got style! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[sighs softly]'' No offense, Ives, but I'm not very hungry. Somehow I don't feel like my old perky self. Something's missing. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[angrily slams her form on Harley's plate]'' Will you stop?! I can't believe you're still mooning over that psychotic creep! :'''Harley Quinn''': Well, maybe I'd feel better if I knew he missed me, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': HARLEY!!! This place is going to blinking blue blazes! Anybody seen my socks?! '''HARLEY!!!''' ''[the hyenas snarl at Joker]'' OH!! They snapped at me! What's going on, Rock? This place is a mess, no one's fed the hyenas and I can't find my socks! Where's Harley?! :'''Rocko''': Y-y-ya canned her, boss. Remember? :'''Joker''': So? She's always come back before. :'''Rocko''': Gee... I guess ya ain't seen the papers then. :'''Joker''': Papers?! What are you babbling about?! ''[snatches the newspaper from Rocko and reads an article of Harley's partnership with Poison Ivy]'' '''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!''''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[to Poison Ivy]'' I remember when I would go driving like this with Mr. J. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[imitating Harley Quinn]'' "Mr. J, Mr. J." Oh, change the record, Harl! You wanna be some wacko's victim the rest of your life?! ===''Shadow Of The Bat Part 1'' [1.57]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[indignant after reading about James Gordon's arrest]'' We'll see about this. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara Gordon]]''': So Batman can't help me? Fine. Let's see what Batgirl can do! ===''Shadow Of The Bat Part 2'' [1.58]=== :'''Two-Face''': Don't get wise with me, Mason. Remember who got you set up as Gordon's assistant? :'''Gil Mason''': Right, Harvey, right. :'''Two-Face''': ''[grabs him]'' Don't call me that! It's TWO-FACE to you, pretty boy! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I should've known it would be Two-Face. It's a perfect two-part plan. He consolidates the gangs while Mason takes over the police. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Gil Mason is about to murder James Gordon to become commissioner, and later mayor]'' :'''Gil Mason''': It's business, Jim. Nothing personal. Matter of fact, I respect you, I do. But a fellow has to take his opportunities where he finds them. And with you out of the way, I'll be mayor inside of a year! :'''Gordon''': You're SICK, Gil! ''[glances at Two-Face]'' A lot sicker than him! At least I can see his bad half! :'''Mason''': Sorry you feel that way. At least you won't have to worry about Barbara. I'll take good care of her. She's very fond of me, you know. :'''Gordon''': You piece of scum! I may not be able to stop you, but I know someone who will! :'''Mason''': I wouldn't get your hopes up. You see, there's been a recent decline in the bat population... ===''Blind As A Bat'' [1.59]=== :'''Penguin''': Your aim appears to be a little off today, Batman. I don't think you could hit the broad side of a barn, let alone the broad side of this bird! You're blind as a bat. Sightless and helpless. :'''Batman''': You've got ''one'' right. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': You have a call on your private line. :'''Bruce''': Then let's go! :'''Alfred''': In your condition, sir? :'''Bruce''': If you think a little inconvenience like this is going to stop me... :''[he knocks over a lamp]'' :'''Alfred''': Indeed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': ''[contacting Mayor Hill's office from the Raven]'' Quite a machine, this Raven. Amazing what its communications equipment can do. Don't you agree? You've received my instructions? :'''Mayor Hill''': They arrived by messenger this morning. You know, one-hundred million is a a lot of money. It'll take time to raise that much. :'''Penguin''': You're stalling, Hill. Obviously, you're not taking me seriously. I've warned you not to make that mistake. Apparently, I'll have to show you why. :''[shuts off communication and Hill angrily snaps his pencil in half]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Hill''': Just what I was afraid of. According to the controller's office, we can't come close to putting that ransom together. Not without shutting down basic municipal services. :'''Detective Bullock''': So what other options do we got? :'''Batman''': ''[emerging from the shadows]'' None, gentlemen. Which is why you're going to do exactly what the Penguin wants you to. ===''The Demon's Quest Part 1'' [1.60]=== :'''Ra's al Ghul''': As [[W:Napoleon|Napoleon]] told me, "A strong will can fuel a frail physique." <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Look at it, detective. One of the last of the rainforests. The world depends upon its oxygen, yet the rich see only profit in its destruction. You, who belong to the overclass, have much to answer for. :'''Batman''': Bruce Wayne donates millions of dollars a year to preserve these forests. :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Which are being depleted at the rate of 120,000 acres a day. Does your money solve this problem? No! It will take more than wealth. It will take power, and I fear, ruthlessness. Humankind must be forced to serve the planet instead of its own appetites. :'''Batman''': And you're the one who'll do the forcing? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': I am... qualified, yes. But I may not have sufficient lifetimes left to me. ===''The Demon's Quest Part 2'' [1.61]=== :'''Ubu''': Infidel! :'''Batman''': If you only knew how sick I am of you calling me that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ra's al Ghul''': The material of the Pit is an unknown chemical stew that bubbles to the Earth's surface only in certain key places. Even now, my people are placing bombs, such as that one, over the various Lazarus Pits around the world. These bombs are electronically linked to a private satellite already in Earth orbit. :'''Batman''': ''Orpheus''. :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Precisely. And at the moment when sun and moon are in proper alignment to cause the greatest upheaval in Earth's geomagnetic field, I shall send a signal to that satellite, beginning a countdown. Five minutes thereafter, one bomb will be lowered deep into the heart of each Pit. The satellite will in turn relay a microwave signal that will detonate all the bombs simultaneously. The multiple explosions will result in a global chain reaction. All the Lazarus Pits throughout the world will overflow. The globe will be saturated with their chemical solution, and when the resultant cataclysm has abated, there will come a blessed peace, and this poor, defiled planet shall find itself restored to its former pristine glory. :'''Batman''': But that will cost countless lives! :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Actually, Detective, we ''have'' counted: Two billion, fifty-six million, nine hundred and eighty-six thousand! A most impressive plan, would you not agree? :'''Batman''': Yes... I can see it clearly now for the first time. You are completely out of your mind. ===''His Silicon Soul'' [1.62]=== :'''Rossum''': You don't understand. You're not a man's mind in a robot's body. You're a robot. Period. :'''Bat-Duplicant''': You're lying! It's not possible! I know my family and friends! I remember names, faces, birthdays! I have memories! A past! :'''Rossum''': You have information. Data. Nothing more. Do you remember your first kiss? Your favorite song? The last time you tasted a really good steak? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[about the duplicant]'' Could it be it had a soul, Alfred? A soul of silicon, but a soul nonetheless. ===''Fire From Olympus'' [1.63]=== :'''Stavros''': Please! It's not what you think. I wasn't going to say anything. Honest! :'''[[w:Maxie Zeus|Maximillion "Maxie" Zeus]]''': Silence! First, you transgress against me. Then, you force me to descend to the mortal plane. And now, you tell me I know not what I think?! :'''Stavros''': No! :'''Zeus''': To the depths of Tartarus with you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zeus''': You bore me with these tales of petty human concerns. :'''Clio''': ''[annoyed]'' You're doing it again, Max. :'''Zeus''': You are Clio, my muse of history. Amuse me with tales of ancient times when mortals trembled at the name of Zeus. :'''Clio''': You want a story? I got one. Seems there was this guy named Max who, because he'd been lucky so far in the smuggling racket, believed himself to be untouchable, superior, godlike... :'''Zeus''': There's a cynical edge to your voice I don't appreciate. Know you not, I am above mortal constraints of right and wrong? :'''Clio''': No one is above the law, Max. :'''Zeus''': I make my own laws! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zeus''': Begone, Lord [[w:Hades|Hades]]. Get thee back to thine own realm. Do not come again to Olympus until bidden! :'''Batman''': I think I get the message. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Clio''': ''[telling Batman about Zeus]'' He wasn't always this way, you know. But then business got bad and he started handling cargo for the mob. After a while, with the pressure, the tension... things got confused. He's not living in the real world anymore. ''[awkwardly]'' Maybe you can relate to that? :'''Batman''': ''[after a short silence]'' You're the only one who can get me close enough to help him - while some of the man you knew still exists. ===''Read My Lips'' [1.64]=== :'''Batman''': How do you think I found this place? The phone book? I had help. ''Inside'' help. :'''[[w:Ventriloquist (comics)|Scarface]]''': My premonition! I knew I was right! Which one of you louses is it?! :'''Rhino''': It ain't me boss! :'''Scarface''': I know it ain't you, Rhino! You're too stupid to be a traitor! :'''Rhino''': Thanks, boss. :'''Scarface''': But whoever it is, they're gonna pay big time! Who is it?! You don't talk, you get the ultimate massage! :'''Batman''': And if I tell? :'''Scarface''': Maybe you just get run over by a truck. :'''Batman''': Tempting, but no. :'''Scarface''': Have it your way. Rhino! :''[Rhino gets ready to pull the lever to lower Batman to a pit of mannequins with razor-sharp fingernails]'' :'''Batman''': Hold it! :'''Scarface''': This is gettin' old, Bats. Last chance, who's the traitor? :'''Batman''': Him! The Ventriloquist! :''[everyone glares at the Ventriloquist]'' :'''Ventriloquist''': No, no! He's lying! I told you when he came into my room! :'''Scarface''': So what? Maybe you did 'cause I had ya cornered. Heard ya talkin' to Batman. :'''Batman''': ''[uses his own ventriloquism to imitate the Ventriloquist]'' Shut up, you blockhead! :'''Scarface''': WHAT DID YOU SAY?! :'''Ventriloquist''': It wasn't me! I didn't say that! My lips didn't move! :'''Scarface''': So what?! You're a ventriloquist! You're also a lyin' yellow liver-bellied two-face! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, Scarface! I'm loyal! I'd never! :'''Batman''': He's been feeding me information, in return for legal protection. ''[imitates the Ventriloquist again]'' You're going up the river, sawdust-for-brains! :'''Scarface''': Why, I oughta...! Waste the floor-flusher! Come on, I gave an order! ICE HIM! DO IT! DO IT NOW! :'''Muggsy''': But, boss, we ventilate the Ventriloquist, your, y'know... :'''Scarface''': I'M SURROUNDED BY TRAITORS! Okay, fine. Ya want something done right, do it yourself! ''[aims his gun at the Ventriloquist]'' ===''The Worry Men'' [1.65]=== :'''Veronica''': If ever someone led a worry-free life, it's you, Bruce Wayne. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce''': Tell me, Alfred: what's an ancient Mayan witch doctor doing on a Gotham skyscraper? :'''Alfred''': This isn't one of those Riddler questions, is it? :'''Bruce''': No, but it's just as confusing. <hr width="50%"/> :''[As Batman attempts to escape from his guillotine]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Oh, you're a clever one! But I will not be denied! As the great [[w:Lewis Carroll|Lewis Carroll]] said: "[[w:Jabberwocky|One, two, one, two, and through and through the vorpal blade went snicker-snack! He left it dead, and with its head, he went galumphing back!]]" <hr width="50%"/> :''[Freed from his mind control, the Mad Hatter's jaguar gang turn on him]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Stop! :'''Shaman''': Yes, stop. Leave him to the police. :'''Mad Hatter''': Thank you. Thank you, you generous, forgiving, ''[draws a gun from his hat]'' noble fool! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': I must say, after all the Hatter put him through, that fellow showed remarkable restraint. :'''Bruce''': When everything was said and done, all the shaman really wanted was to go home. In fact, I hear he even sent the Hatter a farewell gift. :''[The Hatter is seen tossing and turning in bed in Arkham]'' :'''Bruce''': Something to ensure that Jervis Tetch only dreams of a good honest life from now on. :''[A Batman doll is revealed from under the Hatter's pillow]'' ==Season 2== ===''Sideshow'' [2.1]=== :'''Killer Croc''': You know, there's something the brains back at the joint didn't think about. :'''Prison Guard''': Yeah, what's that? :'''Killer Croc''': Crocodile's got the strongest jaws of any animal around. ''[bites his handcuffs in half]'' :'''Prison Guard''': ''[spits the coffee out of his mouth and pins Croc with the shotgun]'' Get back! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman arrives with his shadow. Goliath wakes up and Batman covers Goliath's mouth by calming him down]'' :'''Batman''': Calm down, I won't hurt you. I'm just looking for someone: half man, half crocodile. ''[Goliath looks over worriedly]'' He's in there, isn't he? :'''Goliath''': ''[Pushes Batman to the cage]'' No! Stay away! ''[Holds him against it]'' He's one of us. Croc, run! :'''Batman''': ''[Kicks Goliath into the stomach]'' I don't wanna hurt you. :'''Goliath''': Don't worry, you won't. ''[Hits Batman with the big punch and Batman and Goliath starts fighting]'' :'''Killer Croc''': ''[Comes out of the house]'' You. ''[Gives Batman a spear]'' :'''Billy''': Richard, help! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Billy the Seal Boy''': Why, Croc? Why'd you turn on us like that? We could have helped you, we could have done something. :'''Killer Croc''': You said you can be yourself out here, remember? Well, I guess that's what I was doing - being myself. ===''A Bullet For Bullock'' [2.2]=== :'''Bullock''': Let's get something straight from the get-go. I think you're a freak and a menace, and those are your ''good'' points. But the commish says you serve a purpose, so I go along. :'''Batman''': I appreciate your honesty. What's the problem? :'''Bullock''': Somebody's got it in for me. Tried to give me a fender massage last night. It ain't the first time. Last week too. :'''Batman''': Any suspects? :'''Bullock''': So many, they could have their own zip code. I've put a lot of guys away, and they hate me for it. Looks like one of them hates me enough to do something about it. :'''Batman''': Why me? Why not just go to the department? :'''Bullock''': I step on a lot of toes. I don't want Internal Affairs looking at me too close. They might find some things I don't want found. :'''Batman''': Are you on the take? :'''Bullock''': Watch it, freak! I never took a dime from nobody! I just bend the rules a little sometimes, you understand. We're not all that different. :'''Batman''': We're on the same side, but we're ''not'' the same. I'll help you find out who's after you, but you've got to collar them clean. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': We ''are'' speaking of the same person, are we not? Harvey Bullock? The detective who looks like an unmade bed? :'''Batman''': The same. :'''Alfred''': He came to ''you'' for help? It must be serious. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Montoya''': Bullock? You okay? You don't look so good. I mean, you never look good, but today you look worse. :'''Bullock''': After fifteen years working in this cesspool, I'd like to see how good ''you'' look! <hr width="50%"/> :''[In the Batmobile]'' :'''Bullock''': Nice starship you got here. What's this for? ''[points towards a button]'' :'''Batman''': Passenger ejector seat. :''[Bullock withdraws nervously, while Batman smirks slightly]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bullock''': By the way, I still think you're a freak, but... thanks. ===''Trial'' [2.3]=== :'''Two-Face''': Basic fifty-fifty option. You get him off, you both go free. He goes down, you take the fall with him. :'''Mad Hatter''': Amusing idea, what? Kidnapping you to be Batman's attorney? :'''Two-Face''': Personally, I suggested a quick slug between the eyes... but I lost the coin toss. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarface''': Court is now in session! The Good People of Arkham Asylum vs. the Self-Righteous Vigilante Called Batman! Our prosecutor is ready, likewise our fair and impartial jury. :'''Mad Hatter''': Hang him! :'''Harley''': Shoot him! :'''Killer Croc''': Hit him with a rock! :'''Scarface''': And now, all rise for the most honorable, most benevolent, most merciful Judge Joker! :'''Joker''': GUILTY! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I was promised a chance to defend my client! :'''Joker''': Oh, very well. Like it'll make a difference. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I suppose that you, like your friends, claim that Batman ''drove'' you to be a criminal? :'''Mad Hatter''': He did. :'''Janet Van Dorn''': And yet, as I recall in your case, you brainwashed and kidnapped a woman who rejected you. :'''Mad Hatter''': Batman forced me to do it! He was going to take her away from me! I had no choice! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': You could have respected her wishes and left her alone. :'''Mad Hatter''': I'D HAVE KILLED HER FIRST! ''[gasps and covers his mouth, then turns to the Joker]'' I'd like that last statement stricken from the record, please. :'''Joker''': Record? Is someone supposed to be writing this down? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': And so it's Batman's fault you lead a life of crime? :'''Poison Ivy''': He should have let me bump off Harvey Dent. We'd all have been better off - wouldn't we, Harv? :'''Two-Face''': ''[muttering while flipping his coin]'' Why, you rotten little... :'''Janet Van Dorn''': But Miss Isley, isn't the real motivation for your crimes your obsession with plants? That you prefer them to people? :'''Poison Ivy''': I love plants, honey, but a rose is a rose. :'''Janet Van Dorn''': Then it doesn't bother you when someone, let's say the judge here, ''[plucks the flower from the Joker's robe]'' ruthlessly ''plucks'' a defenceless flower from the warm green earth? :'''Poison Ivy''': No! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': Even knowing he's given it his death sentence? That its petals must die? ''[starts pulling its petals out]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': Stop it...! :'''Poison Ivy''': One by one, withering, falling. One by one till it's all gone, ''honey.'' :''[She crushes the flower so that it crumbles apart. Ivy shrieks with rage and attacks her, and the Scarecrow and Mad Hatter rush in to restrain her]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Miss Ivy, please! :'''Scarface''': You look beautiful when you're angry. :''[Ivy smacks the Ventriloquist in the face, and Scarface laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I used to believe Batman was responsible for you people. But now I see nearly everyone here would have ended up exactly the same, Batman or not. Oh, the gimmicks might be different, but you'd all be out there in some form or another bringing misery to Gotham. The truth is, ''you'' created ''him.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Well done, counsellor. You've proven that Batman ''didn't'' create us - that we, in fact, messed up our own rotten lives! And as we are so rotten, vile and depraved... we're going to waste you anyway! :''[The inmates cheer and close in on Batman and Janet]'' :'''Joker''': [[w:Porky Pig|A-bi-a-bi-a-bi, that's all, folks!]] ''[bangs down a rubber chicken]'' Let's mambo! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I see now there's a need for the things you do. But I'm still going to work towards a city that doesn't need Batman. :'''Batman''': ''[smiling]'' Me too. ===''Avatar'' [2.4]=== :'''Lucius Fox''': Without a doubt, this will be one of the best museum exhibitions Gotham City has ever seen. You can be quite the humanitarian on occasion, Bruce. It's commendable. It's inspiring. :'''Bruce''': It's deductible. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce''': You've got a serious priority problem, Ra's. What can be in that tomb that's more valuable than the love of your daughter? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Power, detective. The power once held by almighty Thoth-Khepera, Queen of Two Continents. :'''Bruce''': You surprise me, Ra's. The world's oldest chauvinist chasing after a woman? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Thoth-Khepera was not simply a woman, detective, nor merely a ruler. Through her flowed the power of the gods. With no more than a gesture, she controlled the force of life and death, and with it, she kept a nation under her thumb for one thousand years. :'''Bruce''': You sound like a bad Saturday afternoon serial, Ra's. This is sheer nonsense. :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': No, detective - I know there is a power there to be tapped! My six hundred years of life are proof of that power. :''[Bruce and Talia are trapped in a glass booth]'' :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Farewell, detective. Farewell, Talia. It is said that one finds one's immortality in one's offspring. Alas, I know that to be a lie. ===''House and Garden'' [2.5]=== :'''Batman''': She's done nothing more incriminating than return an overdue video - even paid the late fee. :'''Alfred''': Could it be Ivy truly has reformed? :'''Batman''': I want to believe it. Why can't I? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You haven't changed a bit. :'''Poison Ivy''': Yes, I have. I meant it when I said I wanted a family that loves me. I just wanted it on my terms. :'''Robin''': Lady, you're nuts! :'''Poison Ivy''': Well, that's ''your'' opinion. Probably the last one you'll ever have, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': I'm just sorry she got away. :'''Batman''': Me too, Robin. But I don't think we'll see her again anytime soon. :''[The real Ivy is shown escaping on a plane out of Gotham, looking through a scrapbook]'' :'''Batman''': Ivy lost everything she had, everything she said she ever wanted. For what it's worth, I believed her when she told me that for the first time in her life... she was happy. :''[Ivy sheds tears as she looks at a photo of her wedding]'' ===''The Terrible Trio'' [2.6]=== :'''Warren''': Is this all you do for kicks, Bruce? Charity work? :'''Bruce''': Well, I do have a night life. Pull! ''[shoots down a clay pigeon]'' Besides, it's important to help others. It may sound corny, but hey, it's how I feel. :'''Warren''': You must recognize that you are a superior animal, Bruce. A member of the elite. Pull! ''[shoots down another clay pigeon]'' Take my Delta brothers and me. Why, we've run with the bulls! :'''Armand''': Shot game from hot air balloons! :'''Gunther''': Killed a great white! :'''Warren''': We've done it all. Ah, therein lies the problem. After all, what do the rajas do when there are no more tigers to hunt? :'''Bruce''': I'm sure you'll think of something, Warren. ''[leaves]'' :'''Warren''': Dollar for dollar, that has to be the dullest man in Gotham City. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Scoundrels like these are worse than the Joker. At least he's got madness as an excuse! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Let's go, Fox. You've raided your last chicken coop. :'''Warren''': Wait, wait a minute! We can make a deal! A million dollars to let me go! ''Ten'' million! Think about it. Buys a lot of Batarangs! :'''Batman''': ''[unimpressed]'' Your money's no good here. :'''Warren''': Okay, fine! Go ahead, take me in, hero! I've got every judge in town in my pocket! You'll see! I'll get justice! The best that money can buy! :''[Next, Warren is seen being ushered into a cell at Stonegate, where his burly new cellmate gives him a menacing look]'' ===''Harlequinade'' [2.7]=== :'''Harley''': ''[in handcuffs]'' I sense a lack of trust. :'''Robin''': Are you sure you don't need help keeping Zippy under control? :''[Harley picks the lock on her cuffs while Batman speaks]'' :'''Batman''': I'm fine. Besides, I need you to be ready if Gordon's men get any leads. I'll signal if there's trouble. :'''Robin''': You got it. :'''Harley''': I wanna listen to the radio! ''[reaches for the controls]'' :'''Batman''': DON'T--! :''[Harley Quinn deploys a parachute, causing the Batmobile to swerve wildly. When the Batmobile stops, Batman is furious]'' :'''Harley''': ''[timidly]'' Oops... :'''Batman''': Listen, and listen good. You don't touch anything, say anything, or DO ANYTHING UNLESS I TELL YOU! GOT IT?! :'''Harley''': Yes, sir. :'''Batman''': ''[turns away, Harley begins making faces at him]'' So far, Joker hasn't been seen in any of his old hideouts. I want you to show me the last place he used when he escaped. ''[catches her making a face, which she replaces with a sheepish grin]'' :'''Harley''': Okay! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Instead of taking you, the cops, and the Batman down separately? I'm gonna blast you all at once! ''[takes out his phone and speaks into it]'' Send down the plane, boys! We're blowing town! Literally. ''[gets off the phone]'' :'''Mayor''': But all those innocent people... :'''Joker''': Some joke on them, eh? Think of it as the ultimate punchline! Ha ha ha ha ha! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': It's lucky you were here, Quinn. The countdown sequence didn't leave Joker enough time to swing by Arkham and pick you up. :'''Joker''': Quiet, brat. :'''Harley''': You ''were'' gonna come for me, weren't you, Puddin'? :'''Joker''': Of course, pumpkin-pie! It's just that... well, here you are, so I can, err, save myself the trip! :'''Harley''': But what about all our friends, Ivy and Two-Face and... Hat-Guy and Lizard-Man and Puppet-Head and-- ''[Joker shoves her into the plane]'' :'''Joker''': What about them? :'''Batman''': Don't forget your little pets! :'''Harley''': ''[gasps]'' The babies! We can't leave the babies! :'''Joker''': ''[shoves Harley into the plane again]'' I'll buy you a goldfish! Let's go! :'''Harley''': ''[struggling]'' NO! :'''Joker''': Why, you little...! :''[Harley kicks him in the face]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley''': ''[points the gun against Joker]'' Freeze, clown! :'''Batman''': Quinn, stop! :'''Harley''': He's mine, Bats! :'''Joker''': ''[grinning]'' You wouldn't dare. You don't have the guts! Not in a million years would you-- :''[Harley pulls the trigger - and a flag that reads "Rat-Tat-Tat" comes out of the barrel. The Joker stares at her for a moment, and throws his arms wide to embrace her]'' :'''Joker''': Baby, you're the greatest! ===''Time Out Of Joint'' [2.8]=== :'''Mayor Hill''': You! How did you get past-- :'''The Clock King''': Good evening, Mayor! Nice to see you again too. And whose life are you ruining now? A poor pensioner? A malnourished orphan, perhaps? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Hill''': Please, Fugate, don't hurt me! :'''The Clock King''': If it's any comfort, my revenge will encompass more than just you. I intend to pass a most timely sentence on the entire judicial system. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': It's a shame that you've decided to keep this device a secret. :'''Dr. Wataki''': It would seem that the world is not quite ready for it yet. :'''Robin''': Gee, that's too bad for Fugate. I'm sure he'll wish he had something to make the days pass quicker where he's going. ===''Catwalk'' [2.9]=== :'''Scarface''': Calm down, pussycat. We're all friends here. ''[to the Ventriloquist]'' Dummy, don't keep our pretty guest in the dark. :'''Ventriloquist''': Yes, sir, Mr. Scarface. ''[turns on the lot, revealing him and Scarface]'' :'''Scarface''': Ah, that's better. :'''Selina Kyle''': ''[gasps]'' You gotta be kidding! ''[laughs]'' :'''Scarface''': What's she laughin' at? My fly ain't open, is it?! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, sir. :'''Scarface''': So what's the gag? :'''Selina Kyle''': Oh come on, you know! ''[in a goofy voice]'' "What's the gag?" :'''Scarface''': ''[aims his gun at Selina]'' Can it, sister! This is Scarface you're dealing with, and I don't stand for no disrespect. :'''Ventriloquist''': I'd do as he says, ma'am. Mr. Scarface can be quite insistent. :'''Scarface''': I don't think anyone's talking to you! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, sir. No, sir. :'''Selina Kyle''': Right... so, what do you want with me? :'''Scarface''': My boys happened to be in the museum when they saw your little set-to with Miss Ronnie V. They also seen you licking your whiskers at the sight of Ronnie's pretty sparklers. :'''Selina Kyle''': You're boring me, log. :''[the Ventrloquist pulls out an envelope from his coat]'' :'''Scarface''': So what if I could provide you with a foolproof plan to snatchin' those rocks with no risk of you gettin' caught? :'''Selina Kyle''': Pass. Kitty's been staying it at night. It's not the greatest, but it beats the pound, if you know what I mean. :'''Scarface''': Now, that's a darn shame. And I thought for sure you'd want a chance to get even with the Vreelands. Not just for yourself, ya understand, but for all those poor little stuffed critters what never had the chance to fight back. :'''Selina Kyle''': Oh, barf. :'''Scarface''': It's a 50/50 cut. Take it or leave it? You in or what? :''[Selina thinks about it for a while then picks up the envelope]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': What a pleasant surprise. Though I should warn you - breaking and entering is against the law. :'''Batman''': You would know. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarface''': [[w:Tweety|I thawt I thaw a putty tat!]] <hr width="50%"/> :''[Catwoman crushes Scarface under some logs]'' :'''Catwoman''': That's one way to remove a splinter. What's wrong, Ventriloquist? Cat got your tongue? :'''Ventriloquist''': Please, I never hurt you! Scarface, he's another person, not me, really! :'''Catwoman''': But he's inside you somewhere. And I'm going to keep scratching until I find him. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': [[w:Just So Stories|I am the cat who walks by herself.]] ===''Bane'' [2.10]=== :'''Thorne''': You almost didn't get paid. You're lucky these diamonds didn't get nabbed in the smuggling bust. :'''[[w:Bane (comics)|Bane]]''': No, Mr. Thorne. You are the lucky one. ''[He punches the punching bag across the room]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': He wrecked my car, Alfred. Between two guys, that's ''real'' personal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bane''': Toys. You try to fight me with pathetic little TOYS. You've got nothing! Beg for mercy! SCREAM MY NAME! :'''Batman''': Never. :'''Bane''': You are beaten! Now I will break you! ===''Baby-Doll'' [2.11]=== :'''Robin''': ''[on "Love That Baby"]'' I remember this show from when I was a kid. It still stinks. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At Wayne Manor, Summer Gleeson is on the telephone talking to Marv Wolfman at her office.]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': I don't care what Mayor Hill says. The people have a right to know, and if he won't talk to us-- ''[Batman drops a photo of Baby-Doll onto her desk]'' I'll call you back, Marv. ''[to Batman and Robin]'' Since when are you interested in has-been actors? :'''Batman''': Since that one's been kidnapping her co-stars. :'''Summer Gleeson''': You're serious? :'''Robin''': She's been picking them off, one by one. Any reason she'd have a grudge? :'''Summer Gleeson''': Actually, ''they'' should hate ''her.'' Dahl put them all out of work when she quit the series to become a "dramatic" actress. :''[Summer plays a video of Mary Dahl playing Lady Macbeth]'' :'''Mary Dahl''': What, will these hands never be clean? Here's the smell of the blood still. All the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand. :'''Robin''': Pee-yew! :'''Summer Gleeson''': That's what the critics said. Baby's dramatic career flopped, and when she tried to start her TV show again, the networks turned her down. :'''Batman''': That still doesn't explain why she's after her old cast. :'''Robin''': ''[picks up a cassette]'' Maybe there's a clue in these old episodes. :'''Summer Gleeson''': You can borrow them if you want. And when you crack the case, you can pay me back with an exclusive... ''[turns to see that they have gone]'' interview. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': Naughty, naughty, Daddys! Mustn't yell at your Baby like thats. :'''Tod Baker''': You're not my daughter, and we're not a family! We're actors, remember?! You cancelled our show because you whined you weren't getting enough attention! :'''Baby-Doll''': ''[putting on a sad face]'' But I knows now I made a boo-boo! ''[sniffles and breaks character]'' It was hard for me out there. I studied and trained and auditioned, but no one wanted me. ''[plays the sound of a crowd going "Aww..." on her tape recorder]'' Over the years, I remembered how happy I was with all of you around me, and the folks at home watching me each week. Me, ''[goes back into her "cute" voice]'' Baby-Doll! ''[giggles]'' Now I'm Baby for good, and everyone will love me agains! Hugs, hugs! :''[Her goons force the actors to share a hug with her, and she plays the "Aww..." again]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': ''[watching episodes of Baby Doll's old TV show]'' Remember that time Poison Ivy nearly smothered us in those vines, with the ''really'' sharp thorns? :'''Batman''': Yes. :'''Robin''': This is worse. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': ''[after her TV brother is rendered unconscious by her bodyguard]'' Sorry I had to play roughs, Tippy. I didn't mean to. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': ''[Mariam kicks Robin around]'' Wow, lady! You're good! :'''Mariam''': It's a living... <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman pursues Baby-Doll in a funhouse tunnel maze]'' :'''Baby-Doll''': Silly Mr. Batman can't catch me! :'''Batman''': Don't run away! I know you're scared, confused - I can help you! :'''Baby-Doll''': Liar, liar, cape on fire! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': Game's over, Mr. Batman! ''[laughs]'' I WIN! ''[Batman fires his grappling gun, knocking the doll-gun down a slide]'' No fair! ''[runs to retrieve it, and stumbles into a room full of fun-house mirrors. Picks up the gun, wandering through the various distorted reflections, until she comes to one that shows her as an adult]'' Look! That's me in there. The ''real'' me! There I am... ''[touches the reflection, and her face changes]'' ...But it's not ''really'' real, is it? Just... made up and pretend, like my family and my life and everything else! ''[turns to face Batman, who stands behind her]'' '''''WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST LET ME MAKE-BELIEVE?!''''' ''[fires at mirrors, and cries after breaking the mirror with her adult reflection. Batman approaches her]'' I didn't ''mean'' to... ===''The Lion And The Unicorn'' [2.12]=== :''[Alfred breaks a chair over a thug's head.]'' :'''Robin''': And here all I thought you dusted was furniture. :'''Alfred''': A [[w:Louis XV|Louis Quinze]]; what a pity. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred Pennyworth''': ''[after being drugged with a truth serum]'' You'll get nothing but gibberish out of me, madam. I come from haunts of cootenfern and knicker sudden Sally. Uh... dee-dum dee-dum dee-dum dee-dum, and bicker down the valley. :'''Red Claw''': And people wonder why no one takes Britain seriously anymore. ===''Showdown'' [2.13]=== :'''Sheriff''': Well, well. Jonah Hex, his own bad self. Been here five minutes and you ain't killed nobody nor set nothin' on fire. Slippin', ain't you? :'''[[w:Jonah Hex|Jonah Hex]]''': I'm still a little bushed. :'''Sheriff''': Fact is, you look a little past it, Hex. Not tired, just all used up. :'''Hex''': Well, when I get pushed, I can still shoot a fly out from between its wings. Provided the light's right, of course... and it's a big ''plump'' fly. :''[The sheriff glances down at his own portly figure. Two other bargoers retreat outside, sensing trouble.]'' :'''Sheriff''': I ain't got nothin' on you, Hex... yet. Just remember, them wanted posters say "dead or alive". You might try "alive" this time. :'''Hex''': First time for everything. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duvall''': It would appear we have ourselves a government spy. A rather disreputable-looking one at that. Well, Mr. Spy, I'd say your plan has failed, and the railroad is doomed. :'''Hex''': I ain't no spy! I'm Jonah Hex, and I don't give a tinker's cuss about no railroad. I've come to get ''you'', Arkady Duvall, on account of what you done to that girl back east. :'''Duvall''': ''[chuckles]'' You mean to say, you've tracked me across ''twelve states'' because of that? :'''Hex''': Well, there's also the matter of a 200 dollar reward. That part don't hurt my feelings none. :'''Duvall''': You're either a liar or a fool. :'''Hex''': I've been known to be foolish, but ain't ''nobody'' calls me a liar and goes to bed happy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hex''': Now! Let's you and me dance. :'''Duvall''': You cannot defeat me. I am a Heidelberg fencing champion. :'''Hex''': My heart's all a-flutter. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duvall''': Five thousand in gold, take it. Leave me be. :'''Hex''': It ain't about money, boy. It's about justice. And I aim to serve you some. :'''Duvall''': Let me live, please! :'''Hex''': I will. Only because it's too much trouble to haul your stinkin' carcass back east. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You left Duvall to his fate a century ago. Why come back for him now? :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Did you really think, detective, that in my six hundred years of life, I would have sired only ''one'' offspring? Even before the Phoenix debacle, I had come to realize that Arkady was too unbalanced and cruel to wisely rule my empire. :'''Batman''': But you couldn't forget about him. :'''Ra's al Ghul''': What father can ever forget his son? Come now, detective, I've still a few good years left. We will cross swords another day. But for now, let me take my boy home. ===''Riddler's Reform'' [2.14]=== :''[After learning about the theft of historical antiquities on TV]'' :'''Riddler''': ''[in Bruce's memory]'' Those are things of the past, Batman. Ancient history that's gone now. I'm a new man! But you probably won't figure that out before it's too late! ''[laughs]'' :'''Bruce''': ''He'' did it. :'''Dick''': Who? :'''Bruce''': The Riddler. Remember what he said: "Things of the past." "Ancient history that's gone now." Look! :'''Dick''': Gee, I don't know. His riddles aren't usually that subtle. Besides, he's got a multimillion dollar deal with that toy company. Why would he throw it away over some stupid riddle crime? :'''Bruce''': Because that's the way his warped mind works. He's obsessed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': He's right, you know. :'''Manny''': Who? :'''Riddler''': Batman. He ''is'' going to catch me, sooner or later. :'''Manny''': Gee, boss, you're scaring me. You're talking kinda crazy. :'''Riddler''': DON'T YOU ''EVER'' CALL ME THAT! I fooled the police, the doctors, the Parole Board - all of them! There's only one person who's ever been able to challenge me: ''BATMAN!'' He's the only one worthy of the game! :'''Manny''': But you said sooner or later he's gonna catch you. What are you gonna do? :'''Riddler''': I'm never going back to Arkham! So I guess there's only one thing to do! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': Hello, Batman. This is it: the end of the game. I'm a little sad actually. You were a worthy opponent. But then, I told you I'd make a ''killing'' at the Toy Fair! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': ''[ranting in a cell in Arkham]'' It's IMPOSSIBLE, I tell you! Impossible! My trap was perfect! How did he do it?! I have to know! SOMEBODY TELL ME! IT'S NOT FAIR! THERE WAS NO WAY, I TELL YOU! NO WAY HE COULD HAVE GOTTEN OUT! SOMEBODY TELL ME! DO YOU HEAR ME?! SOMEBODY TELL ME HOW HE DID IT! I HAVE TO KNOW! '''''I HAVE TO KNOOOOOOOOOW!!!''''' ===''Second Chance'' [2.15]=== :'''Penguin''': And what might ''you'' be doing out there? Catching insects for dinner? :'''Batman''': I'm looking for Two-Face. :'''Penguin''': What, did you lose him? ''[chuckles]'' :'''Batman''': Somebody kidnapped him from Gotham Central tonight. You and he had a disagreement sometime ago, didn't you? :'''Penguin''': It's true. Harvey stole a rare ''avis'' right out from under my beak several months ago. A jewel-encrusted statuette of a two-headed [[w:roc (mythology)|roc]]. It was worth millions. But, my dear rodent, I'd never kidnap a fellow rogue out of his sickbed. It just isn't done. :'''Batman''': Honour among thieves? :'''Penguin''': Absolutely. If I were going to attack Harvey, I'd do it face to face... to face, heh, so to speak. Like THIS! ''[laughs and unleashes his birds on Batman]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You may as well come out. I know everything now. :''[A man emerges, his identity obscured by shadows]'' :'''Batman''': You hated Harvey Dent, and would do anything to destroy him. :''[Lightning flashes, revealing the man to be Two-Face himself]'' :'''Two-Face''': Why not? He was going to destroy me. Just like I'm going to destroy you! ''[attacks him]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Harvey, pull yourself up! :'''Harvey''': I can't! I'll drop the coin! :'''Batman''': Drop it! Save yourself! :'''Harvey''': I... I don't know what to do. The coin won't tell me! :'''Batman''': It can't tell you anything! I switched coins when you grabbed me! :'''Robin''': ''[swings and kicks the thugs out of Batman's way]'' Good thing I decided to tag along after all. :'''Batman''': It's a trick coin! It'll always land on edge! It's ''your'' decision now, Harvey! Life or death? The coin or me? :''[Robin threw the batarang to hit the elevator button to send the thug in an elevator, thunderstruck and Harvey/Two-Face decided to drops the coin]'' :'''Harvey''': Batman, help me. :''[Batman tries to give Harvey a hand, but Two-Face suddenly regains control]'' :'''Two-Face''': Never! ''[punches Batman and falls]'' :'''Batman''': ''HARVEY!!!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harvey''': ''[seen in half-shadow, making him appear to once again be Harvey Dent instead of Two-Face]'' Bruce? Good old Bruce. Always there. You never give up on me. :''[Bruce Wayne smiles and pats Harvey's shoulder before he is escorted away]'' :'''Dick''': He's right. You're always there for him. :'''Bruce''': Yes, just like you're always there for me. :'''Dick''': Hey, what are friends for? ===''Harley's Holiday'' [2.16]=== :'''Scarecrow''': I am the Master of Fear! The Lord of Despair! Cower before me in witless terror! :'''Harley''': Hi, Professor Crane! :'''Scarecrow''': ''[Smiling fondly]'' Good evening, child. ''[To Batman and Robin, furiously]'' Worship me, you fools! Worship me! Scream hosannas of anguish to Scarecrow, the all-terrible God of Fear! ''[Guards take him away]'' :'''Robin''': I think he's getting better. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley''': I'm having a BAD DAY! I'm sick of people trying to shoot me, run me over and blow me up! I didn't even get to keep my new dress - I ACTUALLY PAID FOR IT! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman and Robin take Harley back to Arkham]'' :'''Harley''': ''[sadly]'' [[w:To market, to market|Home again, home again, diggity dig...]] :'''Dr. Joan Leland''': Not for too long, though. Ms. Vreeland dropped the kidnapping charges. With a little more hard work, you should be ready to re-enter society for good. :'''Harley''': Yay... ''[to Batman]'' There's one thing I've gotta know. Why'd you stay with me all day, risking your butt for someone who's never given you anything but trouble? :'''Batman''': I know what it's like to try and rebuild a life. ''[takes her dress out of a bag]'' I had a bad day too, once. :'''Harley''': ''[takes the dress, smiling]'' Nice guys like you shouldn't have bad days. ===''Lock-Up'' [2.17]=== :'''Scarecrow''': Don't take me back there, please! Look at me, Batman! I'm shaking with fear! Me! The Scarecrow! I wasn't even going back to crime this time! I just had to get away from... HIM! :'''[[w:Lock-Up (comics)|Lyle Bolton]]''': I'll take it from here, Batman. Lyle Bolton, Chief of security. Congratulations, Professor Crane. You're the first inmate to escape Arkham under my charge. ''[He grabs Crane by the collar; Crane whimpers]'' You're also the last. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bartholomew''': Miss Quinn? Do you have any complaints against Mr. Bolton? :''[Lyle Bolton sneers threateningly at Harley Quinn]'': :'''Harley Quinn''': I got nothing to say. :'''Bartholomew''': But surely you must have something you wish to- :'''Harley Quinn''': You got a hearing problem or something?! NO! NADA! IXNAY! ZERO! ZILCH! BUPKES! NOTHING! OKAY?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': He threatens us! Takes away our privileges, even when we're good! :'''[[w:Lock-Up (comics)|Lyle Bolton]]''': We've heard enough of this nonsense. :'''Jonathon Crane''': He says scum like us must be kept in line! That's why he chains us down at night and electrifies our doors! :'''Scarface''': He held me over a can filled with a termites! Ya hear me?! ''TERMITES!'' :'''Harley Quinn''': He's an animal! :'''Ventriloquist''': A monster! :'''Jonathon Crane''': Keep him away! :'''Lyle Bolton''': '''SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU!''' :''[The guards retrain Lyle Bolton, he kicks the table, resists the guards and attack and them; he threatens to kill the inmates, and Bruce Wayne trips him with the chair]'' :'''Lyle Bolton''': You're all scum! You should be beaten within an inch of your misbegotten lives! :'''Bartholomew''': I've seen enough! ''[pounds the gravel]'' Lyle Bolton, you're dismissed! :'''Lyle Bolton''': Before I came here, Arkham was a revolving door for every maniac in Gotham. ''I'' kept them in! '''ME!''' Now I realize I was wrong to punish those pathetic miscreants! '''THEY'RE ONLY SYMPTOMS! ''YOU'RE'' THE CAUSE! THE GUTLESS POLICE, MINDLESS BUREAUCRATS, AND CODDLING DOCTORS! YOU SHOULD ALL BE LOCKED UP IN A CAGE WITHOUT A KEY!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lock Up''': I could have rid Gotham of the fools in city hall and the police department! We could have made our own order! :'''Batman''': I was born to fight your brand of order! :'''Lock Up''': If that's your decision...! ===''Make 'Em Laugh'' [2.18]=== :'''Dispatcher''': Disturbance reported at the top of the Crown restaurant. Suspect is a male costumed extremist armed with what appears to be a... ketchup gun. :'''Batman''': It's going to be one of those nights. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Condiment King''': So long, suckers! Parting is such "sweet-and-sour" sorrow. ''[Batman yanks away his loot bag]'' What's this? Ah! The big bad Bat-guy. I knew you'd "ketchup" to me sooner or later. How I've "relished" this meeting. You, the dynamic Dark Knight, versus me, the conceptual Condiment King! Come, Batman. Let's see if you can "cut the mustard". :'''Batman''': Quiet! ''[punches the King in the stomach]'' :'''Condiment King''': ''[slumps to ground, gasping]'' You hit me! :'''Batman''': Now listen, Mustard Man, or whatever you call yourself. You're obviously new at this, so I'm willing to go easy on you, provided you give back the loot and never even think about doing this again. Deal? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Buddy's agent''': I don't get it. Buddy's just thrown his entire career away. The network's cancelling his show and the restaurant's suing him for a million dollars. Why did he do it? It just doesn't make sense. ===''Deep Freeze'' [2.19]=== :'''Batman''': Men like Walker are obsessed with getting their own way. And they don't let little things like the ''law'' stop them. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grant Walker''': Do you realize that in your half-frozen state, you will age more slowly than an ordinary human? You're practically immortal, my friend! :'''Mr. Freeze''': Yes, eternal life trapped in this wretched shell! What a miserable joke. :'''Grant Walker''': Miserable to you, but a godsend to me. Look at me, Mr. Freeze, I'm an old man. I've created wonders in my lifetime, but there is still so much to do! I want to change as you have. To become, like you, a being of blessed, eternal cold. :'''Mr. Freeze''': You're insane. :'''Grant Walker''': Only you know how to duplicate the accident that made you what you are. What I long to become! :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[grabs him]'' You want to live like this? Abandoned and alone? A prisoner in a world you can see but never touch? ''[drops him and turns away]'' Old and infirm as you are, I'd trade a thousand of my frozen years for your worst day. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grant Walker''': Every time I open a park, I get gatecrashers. :'''Batman''': We've seen your insane vision of the future, Walker. :'''Grant Walker''': My world will have no crime, violence or pain. :'''Robin''': You can add free will to that list too! :'''Grant Walker''': A small price to pay for order. :'''Batman''': ''Your'' order! For your select few! :'''Grant Walker''': Excuse me, but I fail to see the problem with that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You can't let Walker do this. Billions of people will perish! :'''Mr. Freeze''': That's not my concern. All that matters is I once again have my wife, and the means to restore her. :'''Batman''': She'll wake up in a dead, frozen world that ''you'' helped destroy. She'll ''hate'' you for that! :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''Silence.'' :'''Batman''': You think you're alone now? Wait until she learns the truth. :'''Mr. Freeze''': '''I SAID ''SILENCE!''''' ''[blasts at Batman and Robin, knocking them backward, then turns back to Nora with a saddened face]'' Forgive me... ''[frees Batman and Robin]'' Come, there is much to do. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Dick recovers from hypothermia]'' :'''Dick''': Man, if I spent any more time in that immersion tank, I'd be growing gills. :'''Bruce''': I'm just glad I was able to get you back here in time. :'''Dick''': Thanks. For a while I thought I'd end up like Walker, trapped in a ice cube forever. What about Mr. Freeze? Do you think he's gone for good? :'''Bruce''': I'm not sure. But if Freeze's condition has made him truly immortal... we may not have seen the last of him. ===''Batgirl Returns'' [2.20]=== :'''Catwoman''': Bats are just mice with wings, little girl. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Batgirl|Batgirl]]''': So, what are you going to do? Leave us over one of these vats with acid burning through the rope? :'''Daggett''': ''[Laughs]'' If there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's that you crime-fighting types are very resourceful. So, I'll just have my men shoot you and throw your bodies in the vats. == About ''{{PAGENAME}}'' == *'''PD''': If I had to differentiate between [Batman and Superman], I'd say Superman is sort of about hope. You've got this guy who's an alien and not truly human, but he personifies all the best qualities of humanity. He's sort of an example of what it would be nice to be like. We would all like to be like Superman. We would all like to have power, compassion, the ability to settle problems in a good way, and maybe [be able to] wink to ourselves about how nobody else besides us knows we really have this secret power and we keep it ourselves. There's not a lot of angst with Superman. If there is, it's more like, "I wish I could tell Lois who I really was." Batman is how you'd like to be if you [could] break someone's neck: "I'm pissed off, and I want to go out and do something about it." Superman waits for trouble to happen, and then he goes off and stops the problem. Batman's looking for trouble; he doesn't really start it, but he's out there looking. And if he sees something going on, he just jumps into the middle of it. :'''JA''': Batman's sort of a sociopath too. :'''PD''': He's absolutely a sociopath. He's a sociopath with a lot of money, and he's got a sense of right and wrong. I don't think he's totally bereft of some sort of compassion or feeling for some of the villains. He doesn't go after somebody like Mr. Freeze without a small bit of compassion for the man, or maybe someone like the Mad Hatter, or even Harley, whom he thinks is certainly a pain in the ass, but I think he kind of wishes she'd get her act together and wise up at some point. <br> But with darker characters like the Scarecrow and the Joker, he's basically out to make sure they never get out again - whatever it takes to take them down. Somebody like the Joker is probably the least human of all of Batman's Rogues Gallery. That was why I never wanted to do a story that humanizes the Joker, like we did with the Mad Hatter or Mr. Freeze, because I just don't think the character lends itself to that. He's almost supernatural in a way; he's somebody who's just thoroughly insane, who does what he wants to do, and who has a grudge against Batman. He probably likes horrifying people with his clownish appearance as much as Batman terrorizes criminals with his nightmare-like appearance. The Joker is pretty inhuman. I'd say the same thing about the Scarecrow. He is someone who really gets turned on by scaring people. He's like the anti-Batman. He's a weak, very unimposing man until he puts on the Scarecrow costume, and then goes out and gasses people with fear gas, and he watches them squirm. There's probably a big turn-on seeing people helpless in front of him screaming in fear. *'''PD''': When [[w:Tim Burton|Tim Burton]]'s ''[[Batman (1989 film)|Batman]]'' came out, that was the way to go. Now [[w:Joel Schumacher|Joel Schumacher]]'s [[Batman Forever|Batman]] is out there, and people are flocking to the movies, so they"re saying, "Can you lighten up the show a little bit? Can you have more fun with it?" So that's what we were charged with doing, and that's what we've done: to lighten up the color palette a little bit, so that every character's not just in dark colors. Robin, for instance, is now black, red, and gold, instead of green. Nightwing is black and a light, almost iridescent, blue. We've also given it a little more of a kid-friendly look. :* [[w:Paul Dini|Paul Dini]], [http://animationarena.com/batman_the_animated_series.html "Batman: The Animated Series"], ''Animation Arena''. * The thing with the Batman show—even though it's one of the most beautiful and well-written shows, and it really gets into Batman—is that it doesn't really move that fast. The fight scenes aren't that intense, and it doesn't really go actiony. There's a lot of walking and talking in it. It looks great, but it needs that kick of having action. And I think that's another thing that kids are picking up on: For the first time, you're actually seeing superheroes really fight bad guys. In a lot of the cartoons when I was growing up, like [[w:Super Friends|Super Friends]], there was no fighting of bad guys. They would just get sent off to jail. It was wacky, it was silly, it wasn't intense, and there wasn't real fighting and stuff in it. ** [[w:Craig McCracken|Craig McCracken]] [http://www.avclub.com/article/the-powerpuff-girls-13665 "The Powerpuff Girls"], Keith Phipps, ''A.V.Club'', Jun 21, 2000. == Cast == * [[Kevin Conroy]] - [[w:Batman|Bruce Wayne/Batman]] * [[w:Loren Lester|Loren Lester]] - [[w:Dick Grayson|Dick Grayson/Robin]] * [[w:Melissa Gilbert|Melissa Gilbert]] - [[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara Gordon/Batgirl]] * [[w:Clive Revill|Clive Revill]]/[[w:Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.|Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.]] - [[w:Alfred Pennyworth|Alfred Pennyworth]] * [[w:Bob Hastings|Bob Hastings]] - [[w:James Gordon (comics)|Commissioner James Gordon]] * [[w:Robert Costanzo|Robert Costanzo]] - [[w:Harvey Bullock (comics)|Detective Harvey Bullock]] * [[w:Ingrid Oliu|Ingrid Oliu]]/Liane Schirmer - [[w:Renee Montoya|Officer Renee Montoya]] * [[Mark Hamill]] - [[w:The Joker (comics)|The Joker]] * [[w:Arleen Sorkin|Arleen Sorkin]] - [[w:Harley Quinn|Dr. Harleen Quinzel/Harley Quinn]] * [[Paul Williams (songwriter)|Paul Williams]] - [[w:Penguin (comics)|Oswald Cobblepot/The Penguin]] * [[Adrienne Barbeau]] - [[w:Catwoman|Selina Kyle/Catwoman]] * [[w:John Glover (actor)|John Glover]] - [[w:Riddler|Edward Nygma/The Riddler]] * [[w:Richard Moll|Richard Moll]] - [[w:Two-Face (comics)|Harvey Dent/Two-Face]] * [[w:George Dzundza|George Dzundza]] - [[w:The Ventriloquist (comics)|Arnold Wesker/The Ventriloquist/Scarface]] * [[w:Henry Silva|Henry Silva]] - [[w:Bane (comics)|Bane]] * [[w:Aron Kincaid|Aron Kincaid]] - [[w:Killer Croc|Killer Croc]] * [[w:Marc Singer|Marc Singer]] - [[w:Man-Bat|Dr. Kirk Langstrom/Man-Bat]] * [[w:Ron Perlman|Ron Perlman]] - [[w:Clayface|Matt Hagen/Clayface]] * [[w:Diane Pershing|Diane Pershing]] - [[w:Poison Ivy (comics)|Dr. Pamela Isley/Poison Ivy]] * [[w:Henry Polic II|Henry Polic II]] - [[w:Scarecrow (DC comics)|Dr. Jonathan Crane/The Scarecrow]] * [[w:Roddy McDowall|Roddy McDowall]] - [[w:Mad Hatter|Dr. Jervis Tetch/The Mad Hatter]] * [[w:Michael Ansara|Michael Ansara]] - [[w:Mr. Freeze|Dr. Victor Freeze/Mr. Freeze]] * [[David Warner (actor)|David Warner]] - [[w:Ra's al Ghul|Ra's al Ghul]] ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} {{Batman}} [[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated superhero TV shows]] [[Category:Animated Batman TV shows]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Animated television programs based on Detective Comics]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Fox Broadcasting Company animated television series]] [[Category:Television series by Warner Bros. Animation]] kbztpfolvilewdspfso3dd03j9evqjg 3778901 3778900 2025-07-14T22:24:20Z 2A00:23C7:8583:8901:5157:8FC5:8DBF:8C56 /* On Leather Wings [1.1] */ 3778901 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Batman-_The_Animated_Series_logo.svg|thumb|I am [[vengeance]]. I am the [[night]]. I am, '''[[Batman|BATMAN]]'''!]] {{italic title}} '''''[[W:Batman: The Animated Series|Batman: The Animated Series]]''''' is an American animated superhero television series based on the [[DC Comics]] superhero Batman. It was succeeded by ''[[The Adventures of Batman & Robin]]'' and ''[[The New Batman Adventures]]''; the first production in the [[w:DC Animated Universe|DC Animated Universe]]. ==Season 1== ===''On Leather Wings'' [1.1]=== :'''Batman''': ''[reading the paper]'' "Gotham Police Declare War on Batman"? :'''Alfred''': I gather you've been reading ''[[w:How to Win Friends and Influence People|How to Make Friends and Influence People]]''? :'''Batman''': Somebody's setting me up. :'''Alfred''': My heavens. You mean it ''wasn't'' you tossing guards out of windows last night? :'''Batman''': I only toss butlers, Alfred. <hr width='50%'/> :'''[[w:Rene Auberjonois|Dr. March]]''': You donate a few million, and you think you own the place. I understand I'm to analyse something for you? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Yeah, doc. See, I keep hearing squeaks in my chimney, and I found these in my empty fireplace. They look like hairs. I thought maybe you could tell me if I have a bat problem. :'''Dr. March''': And what if they are bats, Mr. Wayne? What then? Destroy them like insects? We won't survive the next evolutionary cataclysm, but bats will! They're survivors, Mr. Wayne, not pests! You should understand that! <hr width='50%'/> :'''Dr. Kirk Langstrom''': ''[enters laboratory upon hearing noises]'' Who's back there? ''[spots Batman]'' You...! :'''Batman''': I'm looking for Dr. March. :'''Langstrom''' He's not here, Batman. :'''Batman''': Where is he? :'''Langstrom''': Giving a lecture on human extinction and bat evolution. He's really quite brilliant. :'''Batman''': He's misguided, and a thief. ''[holds up a vial of the serum]'' :'''Langstrom''': He's just a theorist, he was afraid to put it to the test. But I wasn't. I knew he'd discovered a formula to create a totally new species, neither man nor bat. And once I started taking it, I couldn't stop. I desperately wanted to, but... ''it'' took over. Francine and March tried to protect me, but it was too late. The beast knew what chemicals were needed to bring itself about! It was out of my control! And it only needs one more component to complete the process! ''[voice lowering]'' It's in ''ME'', Batman! ''[laughs maniacally and begins to change into Man-Bat]'' <hr width='50%'/> :'''Bullock''': Let's go! :'''Lieutenant''': I can’t do it, sir! :'''Bullock''': Whaddaya mean "you can’t do it"?! :'''Lieutenant''': I just got word not to let you up without the Commissioner! :'''Bullock''': Who told you that?! :'''Lieutenant''': The Commissioner! ''[points at Gordon as he arrives]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Get out, Detective! The Mayor may not let me fire you, but I am ''not'' taking the heat for your fiasco! :'''Bullock''': This is my case, Commissioner! You heard the Mayor! :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Then why don't you go take it up with him?! I've got a job to do! If you wanna tag along, fine! ''[gets into the helicopter]'' Take her up, Lieutenant! :'''Bullock''': ''[trying to clamber in as it takes off]'' Hey! Wait for me! ===''Christmas With The Joker'' [1.2]=== :''[the Arkham Asylum inmates practice signing Jingle Bells as other inmates set up a giant Christmas tree]'' :'''Joker''': Jingle bells! Batman smells! Robin laid an egg! ''[gets a tree-topper and climbs to install it]'' The Batmobile lost a wheel and the Jo-ker got a-wa-a-a-ay! ''[attaches the ornament and the Christmas Tree ignites, revealed as a rocket. Joker clambers at it launches]'' Crashing through the roof! In a one-horse-open tree! Busting out I go! Laughing all the WHEEEEE! ''[the "rocket-tree" flies off into the distance as he sings]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the Christmas with the Joker show]'' :'''Joker''': Rumor has it, Christmas is a time to share with family. :'''Laugh track''': Yea! :'''Joker''': And since I don't have one of my own... :'''Laugh track''': Aww... :'''Joker''': I decided to STEAL one! :'''Laugh track''': Yea! :'''Joker''': And here they are: The Awful Lawful Family! ''[lights turn on and reveal Gordon, Summer, and Bullock tied up and gagged]'' Aren't they just the cutest family you've ever seen? :'''Batman''': ''[watching in the Batmobile]'' It's never easy with the Joker. :'''Joker''': Meet Daddy Lawful! ''[ungags Gordon]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': You diseased maniac! I'll- ''[Joker gags him again]'' :'''Joker''': Hmm. Looks like I'll have to teach Daddy some manners. And here's Mommy Lawful! ''[ungags Summer]'' :'''Summer Gleason''': Help! Somebody please help us- ''[Joker gags her again]'' :'''Joker''': Ho ho ho, isn't she jolly? And here we have little Baby Lawful! Coochie coochie coo! ''[ungags Bullock]'' :'''Detective Bullock''': When I get my hands on you, I'll rip your- ''[Joker gags him again]'' :'''Joker''': I'll bet Batman wishes he had a family just like mine. Personally I think relatives are a bore, so Batman can have them... ''[points to clock showing 10:30PM] if'' he can find them by midnight! Otherwise... ''[makes a throat-slashing motion and laughs]'' ===''Nothing To Fear'' [1.3]=== :''[Bruce is introduced to Dr. Long and he offers a handshake]'' :'''Dr. Long''': ''[looks at hand and pouts off]'' Your father and I attended university together. He had big plans for you. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Well, I guess he'd be pleased. Wayne Industries is more prosperous than ever. :'''Dr. Long''': Pleased? When your father was alive, Wayne was a name that commanded great respect. Now all Wayne stands for is a self-centered jet-setting playboy. It's lucky your father didn't live to see what you've done to his good name. He'd have died of shame. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Scarecrow sprays a security guard with gas]'' :'''Guard''': Stop! What the-- No! No, spiders! Get them offa me! No! NO! ''[cowers in fear]'' :'''Anthony''': What did you do to him, boss? :'''[[w:Scarecrow (DC Comics)|Scarecrow]]''': I merely helped him visualize his innermost terror, which is obviously [[w:arachnophobia|arachnophobia]]. :'''Nigel''': A-whack-a-what? :'''Scarecrow''': Arachnophobia! Fear of spiders, you dimwitted dropout! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': It seems I have underestimated the Batman, but at least the University is finished. :'''Anthony''': Gee, boss, I never liked school, but, uh, how come you hate the university so much? :'''Scarecrow''': They tried to destroy me. :'''Nigel''': You mean they kicked you out 'cause you weren't smart enough? :'''Scarecrow''': No, you simpleton! ''[pinches Nigel's broken nose]'' :'''Nigel''': Ow! :'''Scarecrow''': I taught there. I was a professor of psychology, specializing in phobias. Inducing terror has always intrigued me. Even as a boy, I loved to frighten things. People, animals, it was all the same. I became obsessed with fear's crippling power. Later, when I became their leading Professor of Subliminal Psychology at the University, I began performing experiments on fear and its subsequent effects. Dr. Long thought I went too far - he called me a lunatic. So now, they will learn the true nature of horror! :'''Anthony''': ''[to Nigel]'' Wow, he's a real professor. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman has been exposed to Scarecrow's fear toxin]'' :'''Thomas Wayne''': Bruce... :'''Batman''': No... not now... :'''Thomas Wayne''': You are a disgrace! ''[turns into the [[w:Grim Reaper|Grim Reaper]]]'' :'''Batman''': No... You are NOT my father. I am NOT a disgrace! I am vengeance, I am the night. I...AM...'''BATMAN!''' ===''The Last Laugh'' [1.4]=== :'''Summer Gleeson''': I'm here in Downtown Gotham where corporate CEOs have gone stark, raving mad. It would appear that the collapse of the stock market is now imminent. The question is: Will [[April Fools' Day]] mark the end of Gotham City as we know it? :'''Joker''': The only things gaining now are the laughing stocks! ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[After trapping Batman in a sealed garbage can]'' :'''Joker''': I just love these new Ziploc seals! We wouldn't want our little caged rodent to suffocate, so we'll just ''[draws a knife]'' PUNCH SOME AIRHOLES! ''[laughing, he stabs holes in the can, with Batman being forced to dodge each one]'' Okay, Captain! Give 'er the old heave-ho! ''[Captain Clown salutes and throws the can into the river, where it starts to flood and sink]'' Oops! Looks like our airholes are waterholes too! ''[smirking at the viewer]'' What a shame! ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Justice is served hot, Batman! You're going to melt just like a grilled-cheese sandwich! :''[The Joker tries to send Batman falling into the furnace with a cascade of garbage, but Batman escapes and swings to safety on his grappling hook]'' :'''Batman''': Justice ''will'' be served, Joker. :'''Joker''': Service with a SMILE?! ''[tosses a razor card at Batman, who dodges it just in time]'' :'''Batman''': Clean up your act, Joker. :'''Joker''': Oh, that's a joke, right? Batman finally told a joke! ''[laughing, the Joker draws another card and flings it, but Batman catches it with a smirk. With a gasp of shock, the Joker tries to flee, but gets his food caught on a cable and he ends up dangling over the furnace]'' BATMAN! YOU WOULDN'T LET ME FRY, WOULD YOU?! ''[Batman leans on the railing, pretending to consider it] '''BATMAN!''' [Batman pulls him up]'' ===''Pretty Poison'' [1.5]=== :'''Dent''': So, what do you think? :'''Bruce''': Does she have a sister? :'''Dent''': Nope. Pam's one of a kind. That's why I asked her to marry me. :'''Bruce''': ''[spits out his water upon hearing this]'' WHAT?! :'''Dent''': Yup, that's the page one headline. Hey... is it starting to get warm? :'''Bruce''': You're still flushed from that last kiss. Harvey, you just met her last week! :'''Dent''': And I already know she's the one. Gosh, it's hot in here... :'''Bruce''': Marriage is a major step, Harvs. Don't you think you're rushing it? :'''Dent''': No way. The moment I laid eyes on Pam, her love hit me right in the face. ''[falls right into the food he ordered]'' :'''Bruce''': ''[laughs]'' Harvey, you've lost your mind. Knock it off. ''[sees him unresponsive]'' Harv? Harvey! ''[Later sees Harvey carried into an ambulance and climbs inside]'' Hang on, Harvey. Hang on. <hr width=50%"/> :'''Bullock''': So what'd you put in this mousse?! :'''Chef''': Chocolate, sugar, eggs, cream... :'''Bullock''': STRYCHNINE?! :'''Chef''': No, no, no strychnine. But I added just a pinch of vanilla. :'''Bullock''': ''[turns to a waiter, frustrated]'' You know who did it?! TALK! :'''Waiter''': Hey, I just clean the dishes, okay? <hr width=50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[chuckles]'' Batman! A late night rendezvous? To what do I owe the honor? :'''Batman''': ''[struggling against Ivy's giant flytrap]'' Harvey Dent! :'''Poison Ivy''': Oh, the poor district attorney. I hear he's not expected to live. Oh, it's so sad... ''[feigns crying, which quickly turns to insane laughter]'' :'''Batman''': Why, Isley? :'''Poison Ivy''': Oh, please, call me Poison Ivy. You see, Harvey had to pay for his crime. :'''Batman''': What crime? :'''Poison Ivy''': Why, murder, of course! Plowing up a field of beautiful wildflowers for that silly penitentiary of his. This little rose would be extinct today if I hadn't saved my precious from those horrible bulldozers! The blood of those flowers are on his hands! ''[calms down after her tantrum]'' So his fate was sealed ''[applies lipstick]'' ...with a kiss. And now, so is yours. ''[Ivy's plant holds Batman still as she kisses him; he tries to spit away the poison]'' Oh, what's wrong? Afraid I have cooties? ''[laughs]'' Oh, now you've gone and hurt my feelings. Too bad. I was going to share the antidote with you. ''[opens a bottle and waves it under his nose]'' Lovely fragrance, don't you think? ''[applies a drop to her face]'' I call it "Rose From the Dead". <hr width=50%"/> :''[In a cell in Arkham]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': They can bury me in the ground, as deep as they like. But I'll grow back. ''[to her rose]'' We ''always'' grow back. Don't we, baby? ===''The Underdwellers'' [1.6]=== :'''Sewer King''': Lesson number one is: NOOOOO TAAAALKING! Children are to be seen and not heard. We are the Underdwellers. We are the silent ones. We follow the invisible creed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sewer King''': Frog! The rolls, if you please. :''[Another boy nervously steps over with them; the Sewer King grabs his wrist angrily]'' :'''Sewer King''': You're not Frog! Where is he?! He's not here! ''[smacks the bowl of rolls away]'' NOT HERE! And after all I've done for you ungrateful little monsters! I took you in when nobody else would have you! It is I who care for you! I who provide for you! And only I WHO KNOWS WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU! Would you rather I sent you back into the light? Back to those who hurt you, and sent you away? :''[The children tearfully shake their heads; the Sewer King pushes the dinner table over with a loud crash]'' :'''Sewer King''': THERE WILL BE NOTHING TO EAT UNTIL FROG IS FOUND! NOW OUT WITH YOU! ''OUT WITH YOU!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I don't know what kind of barbarian did this to you, but it's over. And from now on, you'll be treated like human beings. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sewer King''': ''[clapping]'' Bravo. Bravo. You've caused me great distress, you evil bat, yes, yes, yes, you have! You've hurt my pretty pets, and you've frightened my beloved children! :'''Batman''': ''[incredulous and disgusted]'' "Beloved children"?! :'''Sewer King''': Yes! I feed them, I clothe them, I discipline them, and I teach them a trade! And now, I will teach ''you'' something! :''[He stamps on Batman's hands, but Batman swings under the pipe and kicks him from behind, causing him to fall off]'' :'''Batman''': Grab my hand! :'''Sewer King''': ''NEVER!'' :''[He falls into the water, where the alligators close in and seemingly devour him]'' :'''Batman''': A gruesome fate for a gruesome man. :''[He hears the Sewer King laughing, and sees him with the alligators, unharmed]'' :'''Sewer King''': I rather enjoyed it! I told you, they're my pretties! ''[pets one, laughing]'' Have a nice swim! :''[Batman swings over to chase him, narrowly missing the alligators' jaws]'' :'''Batman''': Later. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman pulls the Sewer King out of the way of an oncoming train]'' :'''Sewer King''': Why? Why?! ''Why?!'' :'''Batman''': ''[seething with anger]'' I don't pass sentence. That's for the courts. But this time - ''this time'' - I am ''sorely tempted'' to do the job myself! ===''P.O.V.'' [1.7]=== :''[after Batman grapples up a crane with Officer Montoya to safety]'' :'''Batman''': Are you alright? :''[Machine gun bullets hit around Batman and Officer Montoya, causing both of them to duck]'' :'''Officer Montoya''': Dandy. :'''Batman''': Then don't go away. :'''Officer Montoya''': ''[Batman leaves as more machine gun bullets hit. Montoya stays down]'' Count on it. <hr width="50%"/> :''[after Commissioner Gordon congratulates Officer Montoya for foiling the dock heist with Batman's aid]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': I have to hand it to you, Montoya. You and the Batman really turned this thing around. :'''Patrolman Wilkes''': Yeah, what a [[wikt:collar|collar]]! You didn't just bust 'em, you put the whole gang out of commission. ''[Lieutenant Hackle appears to accuse Montoya]'' :'''Lieutenant Hackle''': What collar? She's suspended! ''[Gordon angrily grabs Heckle]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': This [[wikt:farce|farce]] has gone far enough, Hackle! We apprehended the suspects and recovered our money. The investigation is closed! ''[He grabs three confiscated police badges out of Hackle's suit pocket and shoves him aside. He hands the badges to Officer Montoya]'' Officer Montoya earned this collar. :'''Officer Montoya''': The collar belongs to all three of us, Commissioner. It was a team effort. ''[Montoya accepts hers and hands Wilkes back his badge]'' :'''Patrolman Wilkes''': Gee... thanks, partner! :'''Detective Bullock''': ''[grumbling under his breath]'' Yeah, yeah... :'''Officer Montoya''': What was that, Bullock? ''[happily gives badge to Bullock]'' :'''Detective Bullock''': ''[reluctantly hesitates, accepts his badge]'' I said... Thanks a lot, Montoya. ===''The Forgotten'' [1.8]=== :'''Bruce''': What is this? :'''Smith''': If it's moving, it's a rat. If it isn't, it's a cooked rat. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': ''[Alfred flies the Batwing to the tracking device's location]'' This must be the place! Bring us down! :'''Batwing Computer''': Negative. :'''Alfred''': ''[pressing buttons madly]'' But Master Bruce is down there! We HAVE to land! :'''Computer''': Impossible. Area too confined. :'''Alfred''': ''[pounds the console]'' Land, you bucket of bolts! :'''Computer''': Your funeral. :'''Alfred''': Oh, dear...! ''[The Batwing flies down abruptly. Bruce, escaping the mine, sees the Batwing fly over]'' :'''Bruce''': ''[Smiles]'' Son of a gun! :''[The Batwing reaches a flat area near Bruce and lands. The cockpit opens.]'' :'''Computer''': Watch your step. :'''Alfred''': ''[tumbles out, dazed]'' [[w:Juan Rodriguez Cabrillo|I-I-I claim this land... for Spain]]. ''[collapses]'' ===''Be A Clown'' [1.9]=== :'''Jordan''': How can I get to be a great magician like you, Jekko? :'''"Jekko"''': Well, there are three steps! Step one: run away. Step two: find a magician with a great act. And step three: ''steal it.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Summer Gleason''': ''[reporting on TV]'' Denying reports of a bomb blast at his son's birthday party, Mayor Hill insists the explosion was caused by faulty electrical wiring. :'''"Jekko"''': Yeah! RIGHT! ''[laughs]'' :'''Summer Gleason''': The Mayor declined, however, to confirm that his son Jordan was missing. :'''"Jekko"''': Missing? :'''Jordan''': ''[coming into view]'' It's me, Jekko. I ran away. :'''"Jekko"''': You did '''WHAT?!?''' :'''Jordan''': I want to be a magician, like you. :'''"Jekko"''': Why, you... ''[laughs]'' Well, kid, you got step one right! Come on in. I've been thinking about a protege. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman is trapped inside a tank filled with water, complete with a straitjacket and leg restraints]'' :'''"Jekko"''': For your viewing pleasure, we present... the infamous water tank trap! The great [[w:Harry Houdini|Houdini]] survived such a test. Dare we demand less of the Batman?! :'''Jordan''': I don't like this, Jekko... :'''"Jekko"''': Quiet, kid, it's a free ticket. :''[Batman manages to free the sleeves of the jacket]'' :'''Jordan''': ''[clapping]'' He did it! He got free! :'''"Jekko"''': They don't make straitjackets like they used to. ''[grinning]'' I should know... :''[Batman wriggles out of the jacket and undoes the leg restraints, but struggles to break the glass]'' :'''Jordan''': He can't get out! What's the trick? :'''"Jekko"''': That's just it! THERE IS NO TRICK! :'''Jordan''': No! He'll drown! :''[Jordan grabs an axe and strikes the side of the tank to try and free Batman, but "Jekko" takes the axe away]'' :'''"Jekko"/Joker''': That's why they call it a finale! ''[throws down the axe and discards his Jekko the Clown mask]'' Now sit down and enjoy the show! ===''Two-Face Part 1'' [1.10]=== :''[Dent's raid on Thorne has been aborted by the judge due to supposed lack of reliable evidence]'' :'''Dent''': No! NO! '''I SPENT ''THREE MONTHS'' ON THAT RAID!''' He can't overturn! The fool! HE'S ''BEEN BOUGHT! LIKE ALL THE REST!'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[tries to restrain him]'' Harvey, please try to calm down. This sort of behavior doesn't run well with the voters- :'''Dent''': ''LET GO OF ME, YOU RICH TWIT!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dent''': Stealing someone's psychiatric file is pretty low, Thorne! Even for a swine like you! :'''[[w:John Vernon|Rupert Thorne]]''': But it makes for such fascinating reading. Listen to this, boys. Says here that when Harvey was a little boy, he was bothered by a bully. Every day the bully would bug him after school, until one day little Harvey got so mad, he slugged him one. :'''Thorne's Thugs''': Oooh! :'''Rupert Thorne''': Of course, the bully ran away, which made little Harvey very proud. Until he heard that the bully was in the hospital. :'''Candace''': That was some punch. :'''Rupert Thorne''': ''[chuckles]'' That's what Harvey thought. Except the guy was in the hospital for appendicitis! ''[chuckles again]'' But poor Harvey felt so guilty, he never showed his anger again. And that was the start of "Big Bad Harv". :'''Dent''': What do you want? :'''Rupert Thorne''': Just a few favors from the D.A.'s office. :'''Dent''': You're dreaming. :'''Rupert Thorne''': Otherwise, as a concerned citizen, I'd be compelled to give this to the press. After all, the people of Gotham have a right to know the kind of person... or should I say "persons", they've elected. So, what do you say, Harvey? Do we have a deal? :''[Harvey's face has contorted in building rage the entire time, but suddenly relaxes into deceptive docility]'' :'''Dent''': There's just one problem. :'''Rupert Thorne''': What's that? :'''Dent''': ''[in Big Bad Harv's voice]'' '''''You're talking to the wrong Harvey.''''' ===''Two-Face Part 2'' [1.11]=== :''[In a nightmare, Harvey is being chased by a dark shadow. He suddenly realizes he is standing on a collapsing wooden bridge]'' :'''Harvey Dent''': Stay back! ''[the shadow reveals itself to be Batman, pleading for Harvey's help]'' :'''Batman''': Harvey, please, let me help you! :'''Harvey Dent''': You?! You saw what was happening! You knew that something was terribly wrong with me! I thought you were my friend! You should have been able to help me--but you didn't! ''[Harvey covers his face with his two hands, now transformed into Two-Face]'' :'''Two-Face''': ''NOW LOOK AT ME!!'' :'''Batman''': But I tried, Harvey. I... ''[the bridge pulls itself apart, causing Two-Face to fall off]'' Harvey! :'''Two-Face''': ''[Plummets into an abyss of glowing red light] WHY COULDN'T YOU SAVE ME...?!!'' :''[Batman looks down the edge and gasps with horrified shock. He instead sees his late parents Thomas and Martha Wayne underneath a single lamppost. They both raise their heads in sadness]'' :'''Thomas Wayne''': Why couldn't you save us, son? :''[Bruce wakes up, sweating with fear. He then turns to a photo of Two-Face from a newspaper]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': So what are you dreaming tonight, Harvey? Peaceful dreams? Nightmares? Maybe both at once. Sleep well, my friend. Whether you are, whatever you've become... I ''will'' save you. I swear. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Two-Face''': This is my world now. A dichotomy of order and chaos - just like me. :'''Grace''': Harvey, what's happened to your mind, your feelings? You used to listen to your feelings. :'''Two-Face''': ''[flipping his coin]'' This is what I listen to now. ''Chance,'' Grace. Chance is everything. Whether you're born or not, whether you live or die, whether you're good or bad... it's all arbitrary. :'''Grace''': That's nonsense, Harvey. Was it chance that made you District Attorney? Was it chance that made you fall in love with me? Take control of your life, Harvey. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Two-Face grabs a tommy gun and aims at a defenceless Thorne]'' :'''Rupert Thorne''': No! Two-Face, don't! ''[to Batman]'' You can't let him! :'''Grace''': Harvey! What are you doing?! :'''Two-Face''': Taking control of my life. :'''Batman''': Let the law handle it. :'''Two-Face''': "The law"?! ''[takes out his coin]'' Here's the only law! The law of averages! The great equalizer! :''[Two-Face flips the coin, but Batman throws out a crate of other coins, and Two-Face's is lost among them as they spill out]'' :'''Two-Face''': ''[horrified and panicked]'' NO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! ''[searches through them frantically]'' My coin! Where is it?! I can't decide without...! Oh no, it's ''gotta'' be here, it's ''gotta! [shrieks with anguish]'' '''''I HAVE TO HAVE IT!!!''''' :''[He continues to scream, swiping the coins aside before collapsing in tears; Grace gently comforts him]'' :'''Grace''': It's all right now, Harvey. I'm here. ===''It's Never Too Late'' [1.12]=== :'''Father Michael Stromwell''': Arnold? That's one soul I wish I could give up on. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arnold Stromwell''': I don't need your help! :'''Michael Stromwell''': Is that a fact? An empire crumbling? A marriage shattered? A son lost? Sure, you're doing fine. ===''I've Got Batman In My Basement'' [1.13]=== :''[after Penguin's goons successfully steal a [[w:Fabergé egg|Fabergé egg]] on a tall building]'' :'''Goon 1''': ''[chuckles]'' A piece of cake, just like the boss said. :'''Goon 2''': Yeah, all it took was five minutes. ''[Batman makes his surprise appearance to the goons]'' :'''Batman''': And that'll get you five ''years''... ''[pause]'' with good behavior. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Be-fowled by a couple of fledgelings! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Grant''': Sherman, what are you doing down there? :'''Sherman''': Nothing, Mom! :'''Mrs. Grant''': You're not trying to make gunpowder again, are you? :'''Sherman''': No, Mom! Honest! :'''Roberta''': We just saved Batman's life, Mrs. Grant, and now we're hiding him from some bad criminals. :'''Mrs. Grant''': That's good, just don't make a mess. ''[leaves]'' :'''Sherman''': Nice going, Miss Big Mouth. :'''Roberta''': ''[shrugging]'' Sorry, Sherman, I guess I panicked. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Gentlemen - and I use the term loosely - after you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Eurgh, how bourgeois. Tearing this place apart could only improve it! Let the egg hunt begin! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Grant''': Young man, you've got some serious explaining to do! ''[sees Batman and the defeated Penguin and gasps]'' :'''Sherman''': Err, Mom, I'd like you to meet Batman. Batman, this is my mom. :'''Batman''': Ma'am. :'''Mrs. Grant''': Oh, hello... :'''Sherman''': Say, Batman, you wouldn't be single, would you? ===''[[w:Heart of Ice (Batman: The Animated Series)|Heart of Ice]]'' [1.14]=== :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[gazes at the ballerina snow globe]'' This is how I'll always remember you. Surrounded by [[winter]] forever young, forever beautiful. Rest well, my love. The monster who took you from me will soon learn that [[revenge]] is a dish... ''[opens his eyes through his red goggles]'' best served '''cold'''. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman infiltrates an office in GothCorp headquarters and sees a classified file with a videotape and medical records of a woman named Nora Fries. He plays the tape on a nearby VCR]'' :'''Victor Fries''': ''[on the tape]'' My name is Doctor Victor Fries. I am recording what I pray would be mankind's first step toward immortality. ''[camera pans to a large machine with a glass capsule and a woman inside it]'' Behind me, you see the CC-100, a cryogenic freezing chamber of my own design. I created it for the express purpose of freezing subjects stricken with inoperable ailments. Subjects like... my own beloved wife, Nora. Once a remedy has been found-- ''[reacts to a loud banging on the door]'' :'''Ferris Boyle''': ''[Behind the door]'' Open this door! Open it now! ''[A security guard kicks the door down, Ferris and another guard step into the room. Boyle confronts Fries angrily.]'' Get away from that equipment! ''[Orders his guards]'' Shut this stuff down. :'''Fries''': ''[Panicked]'' Stop! This is my experiment! :'''Boyle''': Your ''unauthorized'' experiment. I ordered funding suspended weeks ago! I'm already three million in debt thanks to you! :'''Fries''': You can't stop it now! My wife is in there! :'''Boyle''': So bring her out! :'''Fries''': You can't interrupt the process now! :'''Boyle''': ''[unmoved; to guard]'' Open it. :'''Fries''': ''[desperately holds on to Boyle]'' It's her only chance! :'''Boyle''': ''[shrugs off Fries]'' This is MY equipment! ''MINE!'' I have every legal right to use it or not use it as I see fit. I say this project ends ''now!'' :'''Fries''': ''[grabs pistol from security guard and aims it at Ferris]'' '''NO!''' Stay away from her, murderer! :'''Boyle''': ''[tries to act charming to Fries]'' Victor... I'm sorry... I lost my temper. It doesn't have to come to this. We can talk! ''[Fries calms down and Boyle kicks him into a table of cryonic chemicals. Victor screams in pain as the cloud of volatile chemicals engulf him. Boyle steps away in fear and runs out of the room with his guards]'' Get out. Get out! :'''Fries''': ''[Clinging to his freezing chamber, screaming through the glass] Nora! NORA...! [passes out. The tape ends]'' :'''Batman''': ''[Horrified]'' My God! :''[A voice rings out--it's Mr. Freeze, who just snuck in the room]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': Yes. It would move me to tears, if I still had tears to shed. ''[freezes Batman with his cryo-gun]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mr. Freeze raids the award ceremony and confronts Ferris Boyle, who is receiving a humanitarian award]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': The cold eyes of vengeance are upon you, Boyle. :'''Ferris Boyle''': Who...who ''are'' you?! :'''Mr. Freeze''': Come, now. Surely you remember your old colleague... Victor Fries? :''[Mr. Freeze aims and fires his freezing gun at Boyle's feet, ice slowly covering up his legs to his waist]'' :'''Boyle''': ''[cries in pain]'' NO! No...! Stop... please... I... b-beg you! ''[Mr. Freeze stops his freezing gun for a moment of clarity]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': You... ''beg?'' In my nightmares I see my Nora behind the glass, begging to me with frozen eyes. How I've longed to see that look frozen on you. :''[Batman batarangs Mr Freeze's cryo-gun and attacks him. Mr Freeze overpowers Batman and throws him off]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': The advanced circuitry that powers my suit also triples my strength! ''[engages Batman, and lifts him off the ground]'' Sooner or later, all who stand in my way must feel the icy touch of death! :''[Mr. Freeze is about to kill Batman, but collapses when Batman smashes his glass helmet with a thermos full of chicken soup given to him by Alfred earlier]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': ''[walks next to Batman]'' Ooh...! What was that stuff? :'''Batman''': The only way to fight a cold. :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[as his suit falters]'' It can't end this way... vengeance...! :'''Batman''': No, ''justice''. A year ago, Ferris Boyle interrupted an experiment, and in the process destroyed two lives. ''[gives Summer Gleeson the tape he found]'' Here's the evidence. ''[walks to a still shivering Boyle; he sneers at Boyle with disgust]'' Good night, humanitarian! ''[walks off]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mr. Freeze is in his subzero cell in Arkham Asylum, gazing into his ballerina snow globe]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': I failed you. I wish there were another way for me to say it... but I cannot. ''[Tears silently slide down his face]'' I can only beg your [[forgiveness]] and pray you hear me somehow, someplace. Someplace... where a warm hand waits for mine. ===''The Cat And The Claw Part 1'' [1.15]=== :'''Stern''': Now if you'll excuse me, I've given you all the time I can spare. :'''Selina Kyle''': You'll find more time for me, Mr. Stern. Before I'm through, I'll have every environmental group and animal rights activist breathing down your neck. They'll be looking at you and your project so closely, you'll feel like a bug in a bell-jar. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You're late. :'''Mob Boss''': Can't you walk up to someone normal-like? :'''Batman''': I hear you have some information. :'''Mob Boss''': Under one condition: Lay off the South Side. :'''Batman''': Keep this up, and I'll be on you from all sides. North, south, east, and west. ===''The Cat And The Claw Part 2'' [1.16]=== :'''Batman''': Red Claw? A woman? :'''[[W:Red_Claw|Red Claw]]''': Do you have a problem with that, Batman? :'''Batman''': Not at all. I'm an equal opportunity crime fighter! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I didn't want you taken away like a common criminal. :'''Catwoman''': So you do care. :'''Batman''': ''[handcuffing her]'' More than you'll ever know. ===''See No Evil'' [1.17]=== :'''Lloyd Ventrix''': See you 'round, Batman! Too bad you can't say the same! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Ventrix, the suit! It's poison! :'''Ventrix''': So what if it is?! I don't care! As long as I have it, I can take my daughter back whenever I want! Her mother won't stop me, AND NEITHER WILL YOU! ===''Beware The Gray Ghost'' [1.18]=== :''[At a video shop, Bruce Wayne asks for Gray Ghost films]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': I'd like the ''Gray Ghost''. :'''Store Clerk''': ''[smirks and walks away]'' Hmm. Name something else. :'''Wayne''': You said you had everything. :'''Store Clerk''': Except the ''Gray Ghost''! Nobody has it! The studio that made the show, Spectra? It burned down 20 years ago. The negatives all went up like kindling, real shame. :'''Wayne''': So the ''Gray Ghost'' doesn't exist? :'''Clerk''': Not anymore. Sorry, pal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Simon Trent''': ''[Hands Batman a film reel with the key the mystery]'' Here's your answer, take it and go! :'''Batman''': I used to admire what the Gray Ghost stood for... :'''Simon Trent''': I'm not the Gray Ghost! :'''Batman''': ''[coldly]'' I can see that now. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the launch of the Gray Ghost videos]'' :'''Bruce''': Could you make this out to 'Bruce'? :'''Gray Ghost''': ''[signing autograph]'' Here you are, Bruce. :'''Bruce''': Thanks. As a kid, I used to watch you with my father. The Gray Ghost was my hero. :'''Gray Ghost''': ''[realizing]'' Really... :'''Bruce''': ''[smiling]'' And he still is. ===''Prophecy Of Doom'' [1.19]=== :'''Nostromos''': I predict... you and I are about to become rich as pigs! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lucas''': No one could've predicted Batman would spot me. Not even the great Nostromos. Besides, how do you know Wayne survived? :'''Nostromos''': The news said he got off the elevator right before it fell, you pathetic amateur! :'''Lucas''': Well, you didn't predict he would ''die'', exactly... ===''Feat Of Clay Part 1'' [1.20]=== :''[About Matt Hagen's repeated use of "Renuyu" to restore his disfigured face]'' :'''Teddy Lupus''': You can't go on like this, Matt. You hurt all the time now. :'''[[w:Clayface|Matt Hagen]]''': ''[irritated]'' You're just my stand-in, Lupus. Nobody promoted you to nursemaid! :'''Lupus''': That stuff makes your face like putty, Matt; it can't be good for ya. :'''Hagen''': It probably ain't good for me. But unless I only want to do ''horror'' pictures, it ain't bad for me either. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Listen up, scumwad, 'cause I'm only gonna ask you once. Who was Lucius Fox meeting at the tram? :'''Raymond Bell''': Wayne... Bruce Wayne! :'''Batman''': You lying sleaze! You wanna rethink that answer? ===''Feat Of Clay Part 2'' [1.21]=== :'''Clayface''': ''[testing his new shapeshifting powers]'' The formula must have soaked every cell in my body. :'''Teddy Lupus''': It's.... It's some kind of miracle! ''[sees Matt change back into Clayface]'' Wha... What are you doing? :'''Clayface''': No. No! You broke my concentration! It won't work, don't you see?! It's too hard! It's like tensing a muscle - I can't keep it up for long! MY CAREER, MY ''LIFE'' - IT ''IS'' GONE! AND I CAN NEVER GET IT BACK! ''[In his rage, Clayface destroys several things in the trailer]'' I'm not an actor anymore! I'm not even... a ''man''! ''[Sobs softly]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Clayface''': Not even the Batman could stop me, Teddy. And that means ''Daggett'' won't have a prayer. :'''Teddy''': Matt, please, you don't wanna do anything crazy. Why don't you try to get some shuteye? :'''Clayface''': ''[growls]'' DON'T YOU DARE PATRONIZE ME!!! I told you I don't need rest! I don't need food! AND I DON'T NEED YOU!!!! ''[grabs Teddy and throws him to a bookcase then walks out the door]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Roland Daggett is at a talk show talking about Renuyu facial cream and the host entertains audience questions]'' :'''Woman''': I'd like to ask Mr. Daggett about the rumors I've heard. I hear he's selling Renuyu through direct marketing because stores won't carry it due to its harmful side effects. :'''[[w:Roland Daggett|Roland Daggett]]''': Well that's, uh, absolutely untrue- :'''Woman''': ''[stands up and approaches him]'' What about the addictive properties of Renuyu, Mr. Daggett? Once you're hooked, you can't stop using it without horrible...''pain''! :'''Daggett''': No! I mean... That's just not so! :'''Woman''': Why don't you show them what an ''overdose'' can do, Daggett?! Why don't you tell them ''[voices goes deeper]'' about ME?! ''[transforms into Clayface]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Batman tricks Clayface into confronting him in a recording room, where he turns multiple screens showing headshots of Clayface's past roles]'' :'''Clayface''': What are you doing?! Stop it! :'''Batman''': Look at them, Hagan. Look at what you used to be. :'''Clayface''': No, no! Turn them off! :'''Batman''': You can play those roles again, Hagan. Let me help you find a cure. :'''Clayface''': ''[begins to shapeshift into his past roles]'' No! Hagan's gone! Make him stop haunting me! ''[begins to uncontrollably shapeshift into his past roles]'' Stop it! Turn them off! I can't control it! I can't be all of them! Not all at once! :''[Batman tries to turn on some more screens, but Clayface knocks him out of the way and smashes the control panels; Clayface yanks off one of the screens and throws it at Batman, who dodges; the screen hits the big screen, causing an explosion; the police arrive to see Clayface in his shapeshifting seizure as he shifts his face into Bruce Wayne]'' :'''Officer''': Mother of mercy! It looks just like Bruce Wayne! :''[Clayface punches through two screens, electrocuting him and reverting back into his true form and he topples over; Batman walks up to Clayface]'' :'''Clayface''': ''[morphs into Matt Hagan]'' You know what I'd have given for a death scene like this? ''[morphs into his scarred form]'' Too bad I won't get to... read the notices. ''[faints and reverts back to his true form.]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Lucius Fox''': I'm just glad to know it wasn't really Bruce Wayne who attacked me. :'''Summer Gleeson''': Thank you, Mr. Fox. All charges against Wayne have, of course, been dropped. And Roland Daggett remains in custody. :''[as Alfred turns off the TV, Batman is experimenting with a piece of Clayface's clay]'' :'''Alfred''': My word, sir. I should think after all this, it would time to rest. :'''Batman''': Look. A piece of clay left behind when they took Hagan's body away. Watch. ''[zaps the clay with electricity, causing it to morph into multiple shapes]'' :'''Alfred''': Electricity has no effect on it? :'''Batman''': Exactly. ''[scene changes to a morgue where a doctor uncovers Clayface's body; voice-over]'' I wouldn't be surprised if the body they took to the morgue was only a shell ''[Clayface's body cracks and crumbles into little pieces]'' Don't forget, first and foremost, Hagan was an actor. ''[scene changes to Teddy outside the hospital]'' He said it himself, Alfred. He called it a scene. Maybe the greatest scene in his career. :'''Teddy''': ''[sadly]'' See you 'round, Matt. ''[walks away]'' :'''Batman''': A death scene so real... it fooled us all. :''[a woman laughs maniacally as her voice grows deeper and her eyes turn yellow, revealing her to be a disguised Clayface]'' ===''Joker's Favor'' [1.22]=== :'''[[w:Joker (comics)|Joker]]''': ''[tosses two pennies on the ground]'' There's your two cents. Now, what are you going to do to me? :'''Charlie''': Listen.... I... O'm sorry, really! I.... I had a bad day. Boss turned down my raise, and... :'''Joker''': Now look, my rude friend! We can't have people cursing at each other on the freeway. It's simply ''not polite''! ''[jumps down and grabs him]'' I'm just going to have to teach you some manners. ''[reaches into his coat]'' :'''Charlie''': Please don't! I have a family, a wife, a little boy! Please! I'll do anything to make it up! Anything! :'''Joker''': Anything, says you? ''[Charlie nods; Joker releases him]'' Okee-dokee! Wallet. :'''Charlie''': Uh, okay. I don't have much cash. :'''Joker''': Oh, please! Don't insult me! ''[takes out driver's license]'' Charles Michael Collins. That's you! Tsk tsk, lousy picture, though. Lousy! Address, height, weight, blah blah blah. ''[tosses the wallet back and keeps the license]'' Righty-o, Chuckers! Here's the deal. I'll let you off if you promise to do a little favor for me. :'''Charlie''': Okay. What? :'''Joker''': ''I DON'T KNOW! I HAVEN'T THOUGHT OF IT YET!'' You just toddle on back to your mundane, meaningless little life, and when I need you, I'll call. Fair? Good? Great! I'll be in touch. ''[walks away, laughing maniacally]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Charlie''': Hello? :'''Joker''': Hello, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': Wrong number, pal. My name is Don. :'''Joker''': Oh, no, no, no. This IS the right number, Charles Michael Collins. Oh, I don't know why you changed your name to Don Wallace and moved your family to 12 Marigold Lane, Springdale, Ohio. One might think you were trying to skip out on our little deal. ''[to Harley Quinn]'' Leave the sideburns. :'''Charlie''': Uh... how did you find me? :'''Joker''': Oh, I never lost you, Chaz. You've become my... HOBBY!! ''[laughs maniacally]'' Now, listen up, Charlie Brown. You're booked on the next flight to Gotham. Tell the family you have to visit a sick friend. Oh, and let's keep this to ourselves, 'kay? Bad things happen to people who gossip, capisce, Carlo? ''[Charlie looks out the window to see Joker's henchmen pull up to his house]'' :'''Charlie''': Yeah... :'''Joker''': Good! See ya! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': You miserable little ''nobody!'' If I get caught, your wife and son are history! :'''Charlie''': You're not getting caught. Not this time. I found this blown out of the van. :''[He pulls one of the Joker's bombs from his jacket, and the Joker looks shocked and afraid]'' :'''Charlie''': This is how it ends, Joker. No big schemes, no grand fight to the finish with the Dark Knight. Tomorrow, all the papers will say is that the great Joker was found blown to bits in an alley, alongside a "miserable little nobody"! ''[chuckles]'' Kinda funny. Ironic, really. See? I can destroy a man's dreams too! And that's really the only dream you've got, isn't it?! :'''Joker''': ''[still scared]'' Look, Charlie, you've had a busy day! All this running around, all this excitement with... ''[yelling out desperately]'' '''''BATMAN!''''' Stop! You... you're crazy! :'''Charlie''': I had a good teacher! ''[chuckles]'' Say goodnight, Gracie! :'''Joker''': ''[terrified, trying to crawl away]'' NO! '''BATMAN! ''BATMAN!''''' ''[sees Batman in the shadows, and gasps with relief and annoyance]'' How long have you been there?! :'''Batman''': Long enough. Put it down, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': You know he'll just escape again! This is the only way my family stays safe! :'''Joker''': All right, you win! Take it easy! ''[surrenders his notebook to Batman]'' Here's everything on his blasted family - names, addresses, it's all there! You're no fun anymore, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': Hey, Joker! ''[throws the bomb at the Joker, who cowers behind Batman - only for the "bomb" to release harmless confetti]'' Gotcha! :''[Batman lets out a short laugh]'' :'''Joker''': ''[dryly]'' Oh, very funny. A million laughs. :'''Batman''': Go home, Mr. Collins. :'''Charlie''': Home. I never thought that could sound so good. I wonder what Bonnie's making for dinner. Right now, anything would taste great. Even meatloaf. ===''Vendetta'' [1.23]=== :'''Batman''': Here's how it works, slimeball. I have questions, and if you have answers, I'll leave you alone. :'''Rupert Thorne''': Oh, I have plenty of answers... thirty-eight caliber answers. Now then, you were saying? :'''Batman''': ''[Using Thorne as a shield]'' I was saying, you'd better hope your men are ''very'' good shots. It's too hot in here. Let's get some air. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Killer Croc''': Terrific. Just what I need now. The freak job in the cape. :'''Batman''': You're no prize yourself. :'''Killer Croc''': ''[strangling Batman]'' What can I tell you now? Being a reptile man ain't pretty... but it's got its upside. Like having the strength of a crocodile, for instance! But I guess you've learned that by now, huh? ''[forcing Batman into the water]'' The hard way. You know, they used to call "Killer Croc" the meanest dude in the Wrestling Federation. Now they'll call him the guy who iced the Batman! :'''Batman''': ''[flip-kicks Killer Croc really hard and gets out of the water]'' Don't hold your breath. ===''Fear Of Victory'' [1.24]=== :'''Mr. Lucky''': Lost? You have that bewildered look, but your sort always does. :'''Thug''': ''[grabs him threateningly]'' I ain't lost. I'm lookin' for you! I wanna know how come you always win, Mr. Lucky. :'''Mr. Lucky''': It's quite simple, actually. I fix the games. :'''Thug''': You can't fix ''all'' those sports. Nobody can! :'''Mr. Lucky''': Oh, ye of little brain, allow me to illustrate. ''[hands the thug an envelope laced in fear toxin]'' Here. You can read, can't you? :'''Thug''': ''[reads it]'' "Boo!" Hey, is this some kinda joke? :'''Mr. Lucky''': It's no joke, I assure you. It's the fear of victory, and the agony of... ''[the thug pulls Mr. Lucky out of the shadows, revealing his true identity]'' '''the Scarecrow!''' :''[The thug gasps in fear, now a victim of his toxin]'' :'''Scarecrow''': So now you understand Step One in how I fix an athletic contest. ''[Scarecrow comes closer to the thug, causing him to fall into some stacks of hay]'' I shall proceed to Step Two! ''[chuckles evilly]'' :'''Thug''': No! NO! GET AWAY! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': There's enough powder in that helmet to panic a pachyderm! He should be postering himself, crying for mercy! :'''Batman''': Change of luck, Scarecrow? :'''Scarecrow''': YOU! :'''Batman''': You're aware that gambling is illegal in Gotham? :'''Scarecrow''': I need the money, Batman! You know the cost of chemicals these days. And it will take much more than this to bring every pathetic person in Gotham to their knees, kissing my feet! ''[reveals a vial of his fear chemical and dangles it above the crowd]'' No closer, Batman! Unless you want a stampede of half-crazed humanity crushing and clawing each other! Now... what guarantee do I have you won't follow me? :'''Batman''': You have my word, Scarecrow. Just don't drop the vial. :'''Scarecrow''': Actually, Batman, I'd prefer a little insurance that you'll be otherwise occupied! ''[drops it]'' ===''The Clock King'' [1.25]=== :'''Fugate''': (after judgment has been passed) No! You can't! I'll be ruined! :'''Judge''': Then perhaps this will teach you to be on time for a change. :'''Batman''': What kind of a saboteur uses a six-thousand dollar Metronex to set a time bomb? :'''Alfred''': A saboteur with too much money? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman:''' Hold it! :'''Fugate:''' Well, well. The Batman. It's about time you showed up! I suppose you want to know why I've brought Downtown Gotham to a standstill, Batman. Hm? Well, let's just say it's because I'm a civic minded citizen with a lot of time on his hands. :'''Batman''': I want some answers, wise guy. Talk! :'''Fugate''': A pity. I don't know what to tell you, Batman - except perhaps that the 9:15 is always six minutes early. :''(He falls off the building and lands safely on the roof of an oncoming train as it speeds away)'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mayor Hill is tied to the hands of a huge clock]'' :'''Clock King''': Comfortable, Hill? Well you won't be for long! At 3:15 on the dot, those hands will come together and you'll be crushed like an insect. 3:15, Hill. Does that time hold any meaning for you? :'''Mayor Hill''': I don't know what you're talking about! :'''Clock King''': You told me to take my coffee break at 3:15. :'''Mayor Hill''': What?! :'''Clock King''': You don't remember?! My ''court date!'' :'''Mayor Hill''': ''[finally realizing]'' Oh my Lord! The lawsuit! Fugate! I swear I was only trying to help! :'''Clock King''': Don't hand me that! You did it on purpose! The plaintiffs were represented by your law firm, Mr. Mayor! :'''Mayor Hill''': But I had nothing to do with that case, Fugate! :'''Clock King''': Not that it matters anymore. Now that you have an appointment to keep, at 3:15 precisely—with the '''Grim Reaper!''' ''[begins laughing maniacally]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I'm here to clean your clock, Fugate. :'''Fugate''': Don't count on it, Batman. When it comes to clocks, ''I'' am king. ''En garde''! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Stop this, Fugate! Hill committed no crime against you! :'''Temple Fugate''': He did worse than that! He made me late! :'''Batman''': Fugate! You can't escape! :'''Clock King''': Au contraire, Batman. You of all people should know, there's always a way out! :''(Fugate begins laughing maniacally as a huge clock wheel falls on him, sending him to his apparent death)'' ===''Appointment In Crime Alley'' [1.26]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': Roland Daggett's up to something, Alfred. :'''Alfred''': That almost goes without saying, doesn't it, sir? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Leslie Thompkins''': This used to be a beautiful street. Good people lived here once. :'''Batman''': ''[placing two roses on the ground]'' Good people still live in Crime Alley. ===''Mad As A Hatter'' [1.27]=== :'''Jervis Tetch''': ''[Discussing the subject of Alice to his lab rats.]'' Of course, intellectually I know it's wrong. After all, she has a boyfriend. Better to withdraw like a gentleman- forget her, turn my heart to other pursuits. ''[Brief pause]'' NEVER! After all, I've created a chip strong enough to control a human brain! It would be so easy to make her forget her boorish beau and love ME! But...that would reduce her to a soulless shell. No...not my Alice. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman has cornered Jervis Tetch, who just subdued Alice with her mindcontrol card and is at a dinner table with him]'' :'''Jervis Tetch/Mad Hatter''': I'll cut that cowl off your neck before you'll take her! I've waited my whole lonely life for her! :'''Batman''': Then all you've waited for is a puppet. A soulless little doll. :'''Mad Hatter''': It didn't have to be this way! You made me do this to her! ===''Dreams In Darkness'' [1.28]=== :'''Batman''': "There's always time to heal", the doctor told me, but he was wrong. There was no time left. Not for me, not for him, and not for Gotham City. And as long as I remained trapped in Arkham, there was nothing I could do, except wait for the end and remember the beginning. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': An entire city, screaming in fear... I wonder if we'll be able to hear it... ===''Eternal Youth'' [1.29]=== :'''Mrs. Thomas''': You wicked, evil- :'''Poison Ivy''': Evil, Mrs. Thomas? I don't control a company that leveled a thousand-year-old forest for a strip mine! THAT'S evil! ''[sprays a gas which causes Mrs. Thomas to become petrified; steals a pair of earrings]'' You and your kind owe Mother Nature a big debt, and I am here to make sure you pay up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': Right now, the bark is merely exoskeletal. It will take months of additional spraying before the transformations become irreversible. But, of course, I have the patience of a redwood. :'''Batman''': ''[snarling]'' And the convictions of a fanatic! :'''Poison Ivy''': Well, if you're not going to be part of the solution, you're obviously part of the problem. Ladies? :''[Ivy's henchwomen begin to spray Batman with the growth formula]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': This spray is triple-strength, Batman! It will start the transformation without any preliminaries! ''[Nothing seems to happen to Batman as he unties his hands]'' He should be sprouting leaves by now! :'''Batman''': ''[Unties his hands and stands up, blocking the spray with his cape as he advances]'' You made your secret too accessible, Ivy! I coated my outfit with a herbicidal antidote! :'''Poison Ivy''': Keep spraying! ''[Violet and Lily back away, still spraying, but Batman subdues them both]'' ===''Perchance To Dream'' [1.30]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[Looking down off the ledge, preparing to jump]'' You're wrong! There IS a way out! :'''Mad Hatter''': Now, now wait just a minute! You don't want to do anything foolish! This isn't an ordinary dream! What if you're wrong?! :'''Bruce Wayne''': '''THEN I'LL SEE YOU IN YOUR ''NIGHTMARES''!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': '''''WHY?''''' Why did you do it?! :'''Mad Hatter''': You, of all people, have the GALL to ask me that? You RUINED MY LIFE! I was willing to give you WHATEVER life you wanted, JUST TO KEEP YOU OUT OF ''MINE!'' <hr width="75%"/> ===''The Cape & Cowl Conspiracy'' [1.31]=== :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Look up "slippery" in the dictionary and you get Josiah Wormwood. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[About the [[w:Bat-Signal|Bat-Signal]]]'' Got a new toy, I see. :'''Gordon''': I figured it might come in handy. ===''[[w:Robin's Reckoning|Robin's Reckoning Part 1]]'' [1.32]=== :''[Robin and Batman are doing a stakeout]'' :'''Robin''': If I knew it was going to take THIS long, I would've brought my homework. You sure about this extortion ring? :'''Batman''': ''[Looking at the construction site through binoculars]'' Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': It's been four hours. :'''Batman''': Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': You still think they'll show? :'''Batman''': Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': Lucky for me, you're such a good conversationalist. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': If you protect him, Stromwell, I'll be very... GRUMPY. [[The Incredible Hulk|You don't want to see me when I'm grumpy]]. ===''[[w:Robin's Reckoning|Robin's Reckoning Part 2]]'' [1.33]=== :'''[[w:Tony Zucco|Tony Zucco]]''': I'm not back in town five minutes - FIVE MINUTES - and he's on my tail. You don't know the Bat. He don't let up! He's the dark angel of death, man, and he wants ME! :'''Mick''': ... Why you, boss? :'''Zucco''': HOW SHOULD I KNOW?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Robin is about to throw Tony Zucco off the pier]'' :'''Tony Zucco''': No, don't! Please... :'''Batman''': Robin! Enough. ''[limps towards him]'' You can't let your emotions get the best of you. :'''Robin''': Stuff your advice, Batman! You and your stone-cold heart! You don't know how I feel. HOW COULD YOU?!? ''[Batman looks at him, and Robin realizes what he said]'' Batman, I didn't mean to... I'm sorry. ''[after he sees the police coming, Robin seemingly readies to throw Zucco off the pier but simply throws him to the ground. The cops arrive and arrest Zucco.]'' You were right, you know, not bringing me along. You knew I'd take it too personally. :'''Batman''': It wasn't that, Robin. It wasn't that at all. Zucco's taken so much, caused you so much pain. I couldn't stand the thought that he might... take you, too. :'''Robin''': ''[putting a hand on Batman's shoulder]'' Come on, partner. It's been a long night. ===''The Laughing Fish'' [1.34]=== :'''Alfred''': ''[seeing Batman with a Joker Fish]'' Dining in tonight, sir? :'''Batman''': ''[sighs]'' The dissection tray, please, Alfred... :'''Alfred''': Any idea what our happy friend is up to now? :'''Batman''': Normal criminals usually have logical motives, but the Joker's insane schemes make sense to him alone. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': Ah-ah-ah-ahem! Look alive, wage slaves. Presenting that caliph of clowns, that mogul of mountebanks, the one and only Joker! :''[The Joker enters, laughing maniacally]'' :'''Francis''': Great Scott! :'''Joker''': Actually, I'm Irish. Good morning, Mister, err, ''[looks at his desk's name plate]'' Francis! Please allow me to introduce my associates. Miss Quinn. :'''Harley Quinn''': ''Enchante''! :'''Joker''': And Messrs, uh... oh, their names escape me for the moment. No matter! We gentlemen of business have arrangements to discuss. :'''Francis''': A... Arrangements? :'''Joker''': ''[drops a Joker Fish onto his desk]'' For my fish, of course! This has all been worked out far in advance, Francis. You are merely the last tiny cog in my grand design! So don't speak to me again, 'kay? Now, what is everyone in town talking about? :'''Francis''': Err... your fish? :'''Joker''': ''[smacks him with the fish]'' I TOLD YOU NOT TO SPEAK! :'''Harley''': ''[sniffs Francis]'' Ooh, fish stink-a-roony! ''[sprays him with a substance from a perfume bottle, making him cough]'' All better! :'''Joker''': As I was saying, since every fish in Gotham now bares my famous and frankly ''fabulous'' face, I should be getting a profit from every fish product sold. ''[one of his thugs pours out a pile of products]'' Let's say a nickel per fish sandwich, fifty cents for sardines - millions of dollars a day to finance my happily hedonistic lifestyle! So which of your tedious copyright forms do I fill out first? You may speak now. :'''Francis''': No one can copyright fish. They're a natural resource. :'''Joker''': But they share my unique face! [[w:Colonel Sanders|Colonel What's-His-Name]] has chickens, and they don't even have moustaches! :'''Francis''': I can't help it, it's the law! :'''Joker''': Oh! Trying to cheat the Joker, are ya?! Well, we'll see who has the last laugh. You have until midnight to change your mind, Francis, or you'll be the poorest fish of all! ''[leaves, laughing madly, with his thugs following]'' :'''Harley''': ''[blows Francis a kiss as she follows]'' Buh-bye! :'''Francis''': He's crazy...! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Francis''': Err, Batman? Why is this happening to me? I've never done anything to this Joker. I'm just a paper-pusher, I can't change the laws. I'm harmless! :'''Batman''': And in his sick mind, that's the joke, Mr. Francis. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Feeling all right? :'''Francis''': ''[scratching himself]'' Oh, sure. It's just that everything's been so crazy today. I haven't even had time to rinse off that gunk the Joker's girl squirted on me... :'''Batman''': ''[to Gordon]'' GET THIS MAN TO A HOSPITAL! ''NOW!'' :'''Francis''': What?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': You're right, Harley. Fish ''are'' disgusting. I think I'll start using my toxin on cattle. Joker Burgers! Ha! Talk about a [[w:McDonald's|Happy Meal!]] <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': ''[after hitting Batman with a big wrench]'' Meanwhile, back at the "wrench"...! Since my sidesplitters don't tickle you, how 'bout a ''skull''-splitter?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After the Joker is seemingly eaten by the shark]'' :'''Harley''': ''[sniffing sadly]'' Oh, my poor, poor puddin'... :'''Bullock''': Come on, he was a demented, abusive, psychotic maniac. :'''Harley''': Yeah... I'm really gonna miss him! ''[sobs into her handkerchief]'' :'''Gordon''': Do you think he's gone for good? :'''Batman''': Believe me, Jim, I wish it were true. But deep inside, I doubt it. ===''Night Of The Ninja'' [1.35]=== :'''[[w:Kyodai Ken|Kyodai Ken]]''': ''[Throwing Bruce]'' Don't be depressed, Wayne-san. You're not bad for a rich man's pampered son. :'''Sensei''': ''[Leaps across room and throws Kyodai]'' There's always someone better, Kyodai. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': His name is Kyodai Ken. He was good. :'''Robin''': Yeah? How good? :'''Batman''': ''[Quickly]'' Good. :'''Robin''': I see. <hr width="80%"/> ===''Cat Scratch Fever'' [1.36]=== :'''Selina Kyle''': Don't tell me you're my very own private probation officer. How often would you like me to check in? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': "Viral Antitoxins". For a plague that doesn't exist, yet, but if the plague is introduced via stray dogs and cats, it will blanket Gotham City within weeks! :'''Roland Daggett''': Days, actually. You know how many strays there are in Gotham, Batman? Three hundred thousand! Imagine if even a tenth of them carried the virus. Not only will this little bottle make me a hero, it'll make me a fortune as well. ===''The Strange Secret Of Bruce Wayne'' [1.37]=== :''[Joker, Two-Face, and Penguin are bidding over Batman's secret identity]'' :'''Two-Face''': $500,000 :'''Penguin''': Poof. Chicken feed. I'll bet a million! :'''Two-Face''': ''TWO'' Million! :'''Strange''': I have two million. Do I hear three? :'''Joker''': Hold it, hold it, HOLD IT! :'''Two-Face''': Get outta my face, clown! :'''Joker''': Which one? :''[An angered Two-Face is about to attack Joker, but Penguin intervenes]'' :'''Penguin''': Gentlemen, it behooves us not to fight amongst ourselves. :'''Joker''': Well put, sardine breath! I think we should ''pool'' our resources on this. $51,240,685! ''[gets out a little coin purse, and pours out some coins]'' And uh, 53 cents. :'''Strange''': Sold! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Strange''': Joker, please! I was set up! Bruce Wayne is Batman! :'''Two-Face''': That's absurd! I know Bruce Wayne. If he's Batman, I'm the King of England! :'''Joker''': And people say I'M crazy! ===''Heart Of Steel Part 1'' [1.38]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': And who's your little friend? :''[Barbara takes a teddy bear out of her purse]'' :'''Barbara Gordon''': Oh, this is Wubby. I've had him forever. Dad won't pick me up at the airport without bringing him along. :'''Commissioner Gordon''': ''[blushing]'' Well... he knows the way better than I do. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': ''[After learning about the AI project]'' Sounds as if the human race could become quite expendable, except for butlers, of course. :'''Batman''': Of course. ===''Heart Of Steel Part 2'' [1.39]=== :'''Randa''': You have immobilized the maker. :'''[[w:HARDAC|HARDAC]]''': His human imperfection endangers the plan. He must be improved upon. <hr width="50%"/> :'''HARDAC''': The maker's concept was sound, but he did not go far enough - which is why I have taken over. ===''If You're So Smart, Why Aren't You Rich?'' [1.40]=== :'''[[w:Riddler|Edward Nygma]]''': ''[Being cheated out of the sales of his game]'' You are a fool, Mockridge, to think you can get away with this! Your amoral greed is no match for an intellect like mine! :'''Mockridge''': Oh, yeah? Then tell me something, Eddie: if you're so smart, why aren't you ''rich?'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman reprograms the Hand of Fate, and uses it to carry himself and Robin to the centre of the maze]'' :'''Riddler''': That is grand-scale CHEATING, Batman! You're not allowed to tamper with the Hand of Fate! :'''Batman''': I don't believe in fate! :'''Riddler''': You probably don't believe in Minotaurs either, but you'll still have to answer the Riddle. :'''Minotaur Robot''': ''I have billions of eyes, yet I live in darkness. I have millions of ears, yet only four lobes. I have no muscles, yet I move two hemispheres. What am I?'' :'''Batman''': ''[pauses in thought]'' That's simple: the human brain. ''[The Minotaur backs away]'' It has billions of optic and auditory nerves, four lobes and two hemispheres, and it's the only thing Edward Nygma respects. :'''Riddler''': A lucky guess, that's all! But it won't save you, Batman! ''[to the Minotaur]'' DESTROY THEM! ===''Joker's Wild'' [1.41]=== :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[as Joker changes the channel in the TV]'' Hey, I was watching that! :'''Joker''': And now you're watching this! :'''Poison Ivy''': Change it back! :'''Joker''': Nope, nope, nope, nope, don't want to. :'''Poison Ivy''': Guard! :'''Security Guard''': What's the problem? :'''Joker''': Don't look now, Sonny Jim, but the plant lady's gone whackers again. :'''Poison Ivy''': He started it! I was just sitting here! :'''Joker''': That's right, you're always blaming me. And the children wonder why we fight! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...the Joker's Wild! :''[Cameron Kaiser cuts the ribbon and unveils a casino with a gigantic Joker head. He is seen spoken to by Summer Gleeson]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': Ugh, that is disgusting! :'''Cameraman''': Psst, Summer! We're on the air! :'''Summer Gleeson''': ''[mortified]'' Oh! Uh... there you have it! Let's get a reaction from the guests. Mr. Wayne? :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[equally nauseated]'' No comment. :'''Summer Gleeson''': Mr. Kaiser, why build a casino seemingly in honor of one of history's most notorious outlaws? :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Summer, please! Wild Joker is a classic symbol, long associated with cards and games. I can't help it if there's a some passing resemblance to some criminal fruitcake. :''[An enraged Joker smashes the television]'' :'''Joker''': How dare that smug, preening fool try to cash in on ''MY'' image! :'''Poison Ivy''': Now who should lighten up? :'''Joker''': Don't get cute with me, Red. He's ripping me off! I'll protest! Yeah! I'll sue! Then I'll rip his lungs out! And I will, too! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': It was a scheme worthy of ''me'', Kaiser, the way you got me riled up and turned me loose on this place! :'''Cameron Kaiser''': You...! You were supposed to destroy the casino! :'''Joker''': Yeah, but then I realized it'd be more fun to get rid of you and run the show myself! :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Bu-But you can't...! :'''Joker''': Oh please, Mr. Kaiser! You of all people should have realized there'd be a Joker in the deck! ''[laughs]'' ===''Tyger Tyger'' [1.42]=== :'''Dorian''': I want to test Tygrus' reflexes and feral strength, and who better to pit him against than you? I'll give you a generous head start before I release Tygrus. If you defeat him, I shall relinquish this, the antigen to reverse Catwoman's mutation. :'''Batman''': How do I know you'll keep your word? :'''Dorian''': You don't. The clock is ticking, Batman. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': So you ''can'' talk. :'''Tygrus''': My father taught me. :'''Batman''': Your father was a test tube. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': Batman! The antidote! I'll be stuck like this forever! :'''Tygrus''': Would that be so bad? You could stay here, with me. :'''Catwoman''': Oh, Tygrus... I can't live like this, I have to be human again. :'''Tygrus''': ''[sadly, taking her hands in his]'' Goodbye, Selina. :''[As he leaves, Catwoman sees that he has given here the serum. She looks overjoyed, then calls out to him]'' :'''Catwoman''': Wait - won't you come with us? There's nothing for you here. :'''Tygrus''': There's nothing for me anywhere. ''[disappears into the falling rain]'' :'''Batman''': ''[in voiceover]'' "[[w:The Tyger|Tyger Tyger burning bright, in the forests of the night: what immortal hand or eye, dare frame thy fearful symmetry?]]" ===''Moon Of The Wolf'' [1.43]=== :'''Professor Milo''': What you're suffering from is an early stage of lycanthropy, more commonly known as werewolfism; for that I have no treatment. However, advanced werewolfism can be cured. :'''Anthony Romulus''': ''[after a wolf howls, Anthony starts transforming]'' Ohhh, you fool! There's no telling what the werewolf might do! :'''Professor Milo''': Hey, ask me if I care. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Do me a favour, shaggy: stay down! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bullock''': No trace of Wolfie! We checked the shoreline for miles! But in four weeks, there's another full moon. Then we'll know for sure. ===''Day Of The Samurai'' [1.44]=== :''[Batman swoops away after rescuing his Sensei's student, Kairi]'' :'''Kairi''': ''[In Japanese]'' Spirit of the bat... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yoru''': If you see Batman, tell him I have great respect for him. :'''Bruce''': Why? He's as much a ninja as Kyodai was. :'''Yoru''': Not so. Batman offered to help his adversary, and a lesser man would have used the secrets of the Onemuri touch against his opponent. Batman is the essence of samurai, Wayne-san. You would do well to remember that. :'''Bruce''': ''[bows]'' Domo arigato, sensei. ===''Terror In The Sky'' [1.45]=== :'''Batman''': Reports of a huge bat creature the size of a man. Remind you of anybody? :'''Alfred''': Present company excluded? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You couldn't leave it alone, could you, March? You've recreated the mutagen. :'''March''': ''[aiming a tranquilizer rifle at him]'' Recreated it? I've ''refined'' it! At night, on my own, so the others wouldn't know. I still believe only a creature like a Man-Bat can survive the next evolutionary cataclysm - and it will! My new serum could be even more powerful than Kirk's! :'''Batman''': ''[after disarming March]'' "''Could'' be"? What do you mean? :'''March''': I needed to test it, but before I had the chance-- :'''Batman''': ''[clearly surprised]'' You mean you ''haven't'' taken it? :'''March''': Of course not! The experimental batch was destroyed. I'll have to-- :'''Batman''': Destroyed? How? :'''March''': I'd been working through the night. I was just completing the final combination. ''[remembers incident at his lab as he drops the beaker of mutagen upon Francine's surprise entry]'' Francine burst in. I was startled. You have to understand I was very tired, I accidentally dropped the beaker. The whole night's work, ruined! Francine never guessed what I was doing, she even helped me clean up the mess. All that... glass! ''[recalls Francine licking her finger after it is pricked by a small shard of glass]'' Oh... oh, my lord... Francine! The mutagen - it's in ''her'' bloodstream now! ''[breaks down at his folly as Batman loads a tranquilizer into a pistol of his and then gives March the formula paperwork]'' :'''Batman''': Is ''that'' what it's going to take? Your daughter's life, before you end this insanity? :''[Later that night, March burns the files]'' ===''Almost Got 'Im'' [1.46]=== :'''Joker''': I want a nice clean game, gentlemen. :'''Penguin''': That'll be a first. So, I hear 'you-know-who' nailed the Mad Hatter last week. :'''Joker''': No kidding. He sure gets around for one guy. :'''Two-Face''': Yeah, well that's where you're wrong. I don't think it IS one guy. :'''[[w:Killer Croc|Killer Croc]]''': Huh? :'''Two-Face''': The way I figure it, Gordon's got a bunch of 'em stashed someplace like a SWAT team. He wants you to think it's one guy, but- :'''Joker''': Meh. You're always seeing double. :'''Penguin''': It's obvious our caped friend suffered some crime-related trauma when he was younger. Perhaps an over-anxious mugger blew off a piece of his face. :'''Joker''': Sure! He could be all gross and disgusting under that mask! ''[as Two-Face crushes a milk carton]'' Uh, no offense, Harv. :'''Two-Face''': Just deal. :'''Killer Croc''': Well, ya know what ''I'' think? :'''Joker''': Not the robot theory again... :'''Killer Croc''': Well, he COULD be. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Two-Face''': Poison Ivy... :'''Poison Ivy''': It's been a long time Harvey. You're still looking...halfway decent. :'''Two-Face''': Half of me wants to strangle ya. :'''Poison Ivy''': And what's the other part want? :'''Two-Face''': To hit you with a truck! :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[to the others]'' We used to date. :'''Penguin/Joker''': Ah. ===''Birds Of A Feather'' [1.47]=== :'''[[w:Penguin (comics)|Penguin]]''': Say, who's there? Two-Face? Croc? Joker, old shoe? :'''Batman''': None of the above, Penguin. :'''Penguin''': Oh no, not you... :'''Batman''': Get used to it. Wherever you go, I'll be right behind you. :'''Penguin''': Precisely where you belong. But you needn't bother. Haven't you heard? I've reformed. Paid my debt to society, and all that. :'''Batman''': We'll see. I just came to tell you to keep your beak clean. :'''Penguin''': ''[grabs a can of rat poison]'' As long as you're here, won't you stay for a cappuccino? :''[Batman gives him an annoyed look before leaving]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Batman defeats a gang of thugs threatening the Penguin and Veronica]'' :'''Batman''': I knew you couldn't stay clean for more than one day. :'''Veronica''': Let him go! He didn't do anything. It was those brutes! :'''Batman''': ''[genuinely surprised]'' He wasn't with them? :'''Penguin''': That's right, you vulgar vigilante! In my day, I associated with a much higher class of riff-raff! :'''Veronica''': I'm so sorry, Ozzie. :'''Penguin''': As long as you weren't bruised, my peach. ''[kisses her hand]'' :'''Batman''': "Peach"? :'''Penguin''': Why don't you be a good masked man and ride off into the night? This time, ''I'll'' clean up after ''you.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Veronica''': Please, Oswald! If it's money you want, I can get you more! :'''Penguin''': ''SHUT UP!'' All I wanted from ''you'', dearie, was a little friendship. That would have cost you ''nothing.'' But now you'll pay! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Veronica''': Oswald? I really was growing fond of you. It's too bad this had to happen. :'''Penguin''': ''[coldly]'' I suppose it's true what they say: society is to blame. ''High'' society. ===''What Is Reality?'' [1.48]=== :'''Batman''': "Where does a 500 pound gorilla sleep?" "What's worse than a millipede with flat feet?" "How do you stuff five elephants into a compact car?" :'''Alfred''': Anywhere it wants, a giraffe with a sore throat, and two in the front seat, two in the back, and one in the trunk. :'''Batman''': Yeah, yeah. I know, I know. Any schoolboy knows those. But brain teasers are the Riddler's M.O. Not corny old jokes like these. :'''Alfred''': Perhaps the questions are the clues, not the answers. For example, they all seem to involve animals. :'''Batman''': Also numbers. A ''500'' pound gorilla. A millipede, meaning a thousand legs. And five elephants. Now let's convert them to Roman numerals. ''[he does, revealing the letters DMV]'' Look! :'''Alfred''': DMV... :'''Batman and Alfred''': Department of Motor Vehicles! :'''Alfred''': But I recall you mentioning he'd already obliterated his records there, so why return? :'''Batman''': For the hard copy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no tales. :'''Batman''': Another riddle, Nygma? :''[Four quarters and a single penny emerge from the return change chute]'' :'''Riddler''': It all makes sense when you add it up! :''[In the Batmobile]'' :'''Alfred''': Four quarters and a penny, sir? :'''Batman''': Penny... Penny... Cent... Red cent... Copper. It's made of copper. :'''Alfred''': And "copper" is another word for a policeman. :'''Batman''': And "no tails" would be heads. Police head... Quarters! :'''Alfred''': Police Headquarters. Bravo, sir! It does make "cents" when you add it up! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': He can't be online! I searched through every file. :'''Riddler''': You searched the software. Had you bothered to examine the hardware you would have discovered a cordless modem line. :'''Riddler''': A pity you can't earn extra lives in this game.Quite an experience being riddled with questions, isn't it, Batman :'''Robin''': Batman don't open that door Crazy Intent means Loco Motion! Batman finds himself on a chessboard: :'''Riddler''':Only Batman can put the King in check and you have to move according to the rules or its the end of the day :'''Robin''':They call you the dark Knight..so you have to move like a knight (If Batman fails to move as a knight it'll be "KNightfall" (!) :'''Riddler''':Careful, vigilante, you know what they say, "Curiosity killed the Bat". :'''Batman''': Can you solve it? :'''Robin''': Are you kidding? You're looking at the guy who solved the Baxter's Box puzzle in 37 seconds! Course, this time I don't have a sledge hammer... After escaping Riddler Virtual realty Traps, Batman tries to rescue Gordon from Riddler :'''Batman''': You may control this world, Nygma, but I still control myself! :'''Riddler''': The name is "Riddler"! Edward Nygma doesn't exist anymore! You may recall that he was once fired by an ungrateful employer! That was a private matter and was meant to remain one! :'''Batman''': Attempted homicide is never a "private matter", Nygma! :'''Riddler''': No, but it would have been if you hadn't interfered and turned Edward Nygma into a fugitive! So I deleted Nygma. Just as I'm about to delete you, Batman. :'''Batman''':Tell me this.. Riddler how can you spread your conscious thirty-two times..and still have the concentration to keep your world together? YOU CAN'T! Batman saves Gordon :'''Riddler''': No....NO..... I can escape that easy...but if the Planet was equitable...I'd still have my old Job....No...wait...I'M ...not Ready.....AHHHHH' :'''Gordon''': But we'll never find him :'''Batman''': I think he left us a clue..."If the planet were equitable, I'd still have my old job". :'''Robin''': Of course. If the "World's Fair," I'd still have my "Ex-position". Oh, give me a break. [Batman, Robin and Gordon find Riddler mind trapped in his virtual realty world] :'''Batman''': Looks like he didn't escape his virtual reality in time. :'''Robin''': You mean he's been trapped inside his own program? :'''Batman''': Could be and how to get him out may be a riddle no one can solve. ===''I Am The Night'' [1.49]=== :'''Batman''': A weary body can be dealt with. But a weary spirit? That's something else. Sometimes, old friend, I wonder if I'm really doing any good out there. :'''Alfred''': How can you doubt it? The lives you've saved, the criminals you've brought to justice-- :'''Batman''': I've put out a few fires, yes. Won a few battles. But the war goes on, Alfred. On and on... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Leslie Thompkins''': You seem quieter than usual tonight. :'''Batman''': Every year, I come here and wonder if it should be the last time. If I should put the past behind me, try to lead a normal life. :'''Dr. Thompkins''': [[George Santayana|Santayana]] says, "Those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it." :'''Batman''': He also said a fanatic is someone who redoubles his efforts while losing sight of his goal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I chose this life. I use the night - I ''became'' the night. Sooner or later, I'll go down. It might be the Joker, or Two-Face, or just some punk who gets lucky. My decision, no regrets. But I can't let anyone else pay for my mistakes. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': "[[Friedrich Nietzsche|When you look too long into the abyss, the abyss looks back through you.]]" Maybe it's time for Batman to return to the night that spawned him, before anyone else gets hurt! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[grabs Wizard]'' Up to your old tricks, I see. How about returning that suitcase to its owner? :'''Wizard''': Hey, man, I ''am'' the owner. :''[Batman, surprised, lets him go]'' :'''Wizard''': Y'know, I was kinda hoping I'd run into you. I'd been in those places like where you left me before. Heard the rap, wasn't impressed. But this time, it made sense. Maybe I was ready to hear it. So I'm heading back home. I guess I kinda owe it to you, Batman. You probably saved my life. I'll bet you hear this all the time. Look, I'm gonna miss my bus, I'll see you around. And... thanks. :''[Batman smiles as he watches Wizard leave]'' ===''Off Balance'' [1.50]=== :'''[[w:Talia al Ghul|Talia]]''': My contact lenses! I lost them when we fell! They counter the distortion effect. Without them, I'm as helpless as you. :'''Batman''': I don't do helpless. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Ra's al Ghul|Ra's al Ghul]]''': So even in defeat, the detective manages to achieve some small measure of victory. As you said, detective: this is not over. ===''The Man Who Killed Batman'' [1.51]=== :'''Joker''': You know, there's just one thing bothering me about your story, Sid. No body. No BATUS DELECTI so to speak. We need to pull a job tonight just to make sure. :'''Murphy, Joker's henchman''': Make sure what, boss? :'''Joker''': ''[surprised by Murphy's question]'' Why that old Batsy's bought the cave of course, and one more thing Murphy.....''[turning more annoyed]'' don't ask stupid questions. ''[pushes Murphy to the hyenas who scratch and lick him crazily, to Joker's satisfaction]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': I'll get the mop. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': When the cops come, stall them for awhile, just until Batman arrives. '' Got it?'' :'''Henchman''': Right, boss. :'''Joker''': ''[to Murphy, still scarred from the hyenas]'' Any questions, Murph? :'''Murphy''': No sir! :'''Joker''': ''[to Sid The Squid]'' Good man. And if Batman hasn't ''really'' gone to his final reward, ''we'll'' see that he gets there! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Dear friends... today is the day the Clown cried. And he cries not for the passing of one man, but for the death of a dream. The dream that he would someday taste the ultimate victory over his hated enemy. For it was the Batman who made me the happy soul I am today. How I agonized over the perfect way to thank him for that. Perhaps with a cyanide pie in the face. Or an exploding whoopie-cushion playfully planted in the Batmobile. But those dreams were dashed by the weaselly little gunsel sitting there in our midst. The cowardly insignificant gonif who probably got lucky when Batman slipped on the slime trail this loser left behind him. This mound of diseased hyena filth who's not fit to lick the dirt from my spats...! But I digress. The time for sorrow has passed. It's time to look to a future filled with smiles. And I'll be smiling again just as soon as we take that man THERE...and slap him in that box THERE...and roll him into that vat of acid THERE! Well that was fun...who's for Chinese?! ===''Mudslide'' [1.52]=== :'''Clayface''': ''[After civilians flee in terror upon seeing his true form]'' That's right, run! Run for your measly lives! Run from Clayface! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Clayface''': You've upstaged me for the last time, Batman. Time to bring down the curtain! ===''Paging The Crime Doctor'' [1.53]=== :'''Rupert Thorne''': You think you iced the Batman, huh? Heh heh heh... Not on your best day, Jake! I'd cover my back if I were you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce Wayne''': Bruce Wayne, Dr. Thorne. Thomas Wayne's son. Did you get my letter? :'''[[w:Joseph Campanella|Matthew Thorne]]''': Yes. Thomas Wayne... :'''Bruce Wayne''': I told you I can help with your legal costs, maybe even put in a good word with the judge. :'''Matthew Thorne''': Yes, but what do you get out of it? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Well, there is something you can do for me. :'''Matthew Thorne''': I knew it! I knew there'd be a catch. Sorry, Mr. Wayne. Matthew Thorne is no longer for sale! :'''Bruce Wayne''': I'm not looking for any illegal favors. :'''Matthew Thorne''': What then? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Something you know. Something only you can give me. ''[pause]'' Tell me about my father. :''[Dr. Thorne grins and camera pans out as he ushers Bruce to resume his seat]'' ===''Zatanna'' [1.54]=== :'''[[w:Zatanna|Zatanna]]''': What do you care about some leggy dame in nylons- or have I just answered my own question? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zatanna''': ''[About Batman's mask]'' What happened that made you put this on? :'''Batman''': A painful memory, and a promise. ===''The Mechanic'' [1.55]=== :'''The Penguin''': ''[furious at his men for stealing the wrong stamps by mistake]'' These are terrible! Terrible! :'''Eagleton''': ''[indignant]'' Come on, boss. Give me a break. We got you the stamps. What more do you want? :'''The Penguin''': ''[tossing the worthless stamps angrily]'' I wanted the rare ones! The reversed Audubons! These aren't worth enough to pay for the repairs to the limousine. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Earl Cooper''': ''[sees the damaged Batmobile]'' You been letting the kid drive again? :'''Robin''': Ha ha. Actually we were playing chicken with a penguin. :'''Batman''': Or three of his men. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Penguin is scrubbing license plates in prison]'' :'''Penguin''': ''[reading one]'' "1 BAT 4U"?! ''[breaks it in anger]'' ===''Harley and Ivy'' [1.56]=== :'''Joker''': NO, we didn't get the diamond! The Dork Knight showed up before we even got to the museum! I had a great shot at him, too. Except... my dear little Harley Quinn handed me the wrong gun! :'''Harley Quinn''': But puddin', it was kinda funny watching you shoot at him with the bang flag! ''[Rocco and Henshaw can't help laughing then stifle it as the Joker glares at them]'' :'''Joker''': ''[turning back to Harley]'' Funny? You presume to tell me what I should think is funny?!? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[Poison Ivy trips the alarm, spoiling and hers and Harley Quinn's separate robberies]'' Nice going, butterfingers! Why not turn on the Bat-Signal while you're at it? :'''Poison Ivy''': I wasn't TRYING to get caught! :'''Harley Quinn''': Could've fooled me! Hey, aren't you that plant lady Poison Oakie? :'''Poison Ivy''': Ivy! Poison IVY, not Oakie! :'''Harley Quinn''': Sorry! Harley Quinn, please to meet ya! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Poison Ivy is about to give an injection to Harley Quinn]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': I hate shots! I hate shots! :'''Poison Ivy''': Now, now. You're not immune to poison like I am, and you won't last ten minutes here in Toxic Acres without my antidote. ''[gives the injection]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': Oooh! Whew, you'd think after livin' with Mr. J, I'd be used to a little pain. :'''Poison Ivy''': Why do you put up with that clown? :'''Harley Quinn''': Don't get me wrong. My puddin's a little rough sometimes, but he loves me, really. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[sarcastically]'' Sure he does. You're just one big, forgiving doormat, aren't you? :'''Harley Quinn''': I am NOT a doormat! ...Am I? :'''Poison Ivy''': If you had a middle name, it would be Welcome. But cheer up, kid. You just need some lessons in good old female self-esteem. In other words, let's play with the boys on ''our'' terms. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': That should keep you big strong men busy while we weak little girls loot your trophy room. :'''Harley Quinn''': Gee, Ives, you got style! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[sighs softly]'' No offense, Ives, but I'm not very hungry. Somehow I don't feel like my old perky self. Something's missing. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[angrily slams her form on Harley's plate]'' Will you stop?! I can't believe you're still mooning over that psychotic creep! :'''Harley Quinn''': Well, maybe I'd feel better if I knew he missed me, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': HARLEY!!! This place is going to blinking blue blazes! Anybody seen my socks?! '''HARLEY!!!''' ''[the hyenas snarl at Joker]'' OH!! They snapped at me! What's going on, Rock? This place is a mess, no one's fed the hyenas and I can't find my socks! Where's Harley?! :'''Rocko''': Y-y-ya canned her, boss. Remember? :'''Joker''': So? She's always come back before. :'''Rocko''': Gee... I guess ya ain't seen the papers then. :'''Joker''': Papers?! What are you babbling about?! ''[snatches the newspaper from Rocko and reads an article of Harley's partnership with Poison Ivy]'' '''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!''''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[to Poison Ivy]'' I remember when I would go driving like this with Mr. J. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[imitating Harley Quinn]'' "Mr. J, Mr. J." Oh, change the record, Harl! You wanna be some wacko's victim the rest of your life?! ===''Shadow Of The Bat Part 1'' [1.57]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[indignant after reading about James Gordon's arrest]'' We'll see about this. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara Gordon]]''': So Batman can't help me? Fine. Let's see what Batgirl can do! ===''Shadow Of The Bat Part 2'' [1.58]=== :'''Two-Face''': Don't get wise with me, Mason. Remember who got you set up as Gordon's assistant? :'''Gil Mason''': Right, Harvey, right. :'''Two-Face''': ''[grabs him]'' Don't call me that! It's TWO-FACE to you, pretty boy! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I should've known it would be Two-Face. It's a perfect two-part plan. He consolidates the gangs while Mason takes over the police. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Gil Mason is about to murder James Gordon to become commissioner, and later mayor]'' :'''Gil Mason''': It's business, Jim. Nothing personal. Matter of fact, I respect you, I do. But a fellow has to take his opportunities where he finds them. And with you out of the way, I'll be mayor inside of a year! :'''Gordon''': You're SICK, Gil! ''[glances at Two-Face]'' A lot sicker than him! At least I can see his bad half! :'''Mason''': Sorry you feel that way. At least you won't have to worry about Barbara. I'll take good care of her. She's very fond of me, you know. :'''Gordon''': You piece of scum! I may not be able to stop you, but I know someone who will! :'''Mason''': I wouldn't get your hopes up. You see, there's been a recent decline in the bat population... ===''Blind As A Bat'' [1.59]=== :'''Penguin''': Your aim appears to be a little off today, Batman. I don't think you could hit the broad side of a barn, let alone the broad side of this bird! You're blind as a bat. Sightless and helpless. :'''Batman''': You've got ''one'' right. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': You have a call on your private line. :'''Bruce''': Then let's go! :'''Alfred''': In your condition, sir? :'''Bruce''': If you think a little inconvenience like this is going to stop me... :''[he knocks over a lamp]'' :'''Alfred''': Indeed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': ''[contacting Mayor Hill's office from the Raven]'' Quite a machine, this Raven. Amazing what its communications equipment can do. Don't you agree? You've received my instructions? :'''Mayor Hill''': They arrived by messenger this morning. You know, one-hundred million is a a lot of money. It'll take time to raise that much. :'''Penguin''': You're stalling, Hill. Obviously, you're not taking me seriously. I've warned you not to make that mistake. Apparently, I'll have to show you why. :''[shuts off communication and Hill angrily snaps his pencil in half]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Hill''': Just what I was afraid of. According to the controller's office, we can't come close to putting that ransom together. Not without shutting down basic municipal services. :'''Detective Bullock''': So what other options do we got? :'''Batman''': ''[emerging from the shadows]'' None, gentlemen. Which is why you're going to do exactly what the Penguin wants you to. ===''The Demon's Quest Part 1'' [1.60]=== :'''Ra's al Ghul''': As [[W:Napoleon|Napoleon]] told me, "A strong will can fuel a frail physique." <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Look at it, detective. One of the last of the rainforests. The world depends upon its oxygen, yet the rich see only profit in its destruction. You, who belong to the overclass, have much to answer for. :'''Batman''': Bruce Wayne donates millions of dollars a year to preserve these forests. :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Which are being depleted at the rate of 120,000 acres a day. Does your money solve this problem? No! It will take more than wealth. It will take power, and I fear, ruthlessness. Humankind must be forced to serve the planet instead of its own appetites. :'''Batman''': And you're the one who'll do the forcing? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': I am... qualified, yes. But I may not have sufficient lifetimes left to me. ===''The Demon's Quest Part 2'' [1.61]=== :'''Ubu''': Infidel! :'''Batman''': If you only knew how sick I am of you calling me that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ra's al Ghul''': The material of the Pit is an unknown chemical stew that bubbles to the Earth's surface only in certain key places. Even now, my people are placing bombs, such as that one, over the various Lazarus Pits around the world. These bombs are electronically linked to a private satellite already in Earth orbit. :'''Batman''': ''Orpheus''. :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Precisely. And at the moment when sun and moon are in proper alignment to cause the greatest upheaval in Earth's geomagnetic field, I shall send a signal to that satellite, beginning a countdown. Five minutes thereafter, one bomb will be lowered deep into the heart of each Pit. The satellite will in turn relay a microwave signal that will detonate all the bombs simultaneously. The multiple explosions will result in a global chain reaction. All the Lazarus Pits throughout the world will overflow. The globe will be saturated with their chemical solution, and when the resultant cataclysm has abated, there will come a blessed peace, and this poor, defiled planet shall find itself restored to its former pristine glory. :'''Batman''': But that will cost countless lives! :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Actually, Detective, we ''have'' counted: Two billion, fifty-six million, nine hundred and eighty-six thousand! A most impressive plan, would you not agree? :'''Batman''': Yes... I can see it clearly now for the first time. You are completely out of your mind. ===''His Silicon Soul'' [1.62]=== :'''Rossum''': You don't understand. You're not a man's mind in a robot's body. You're a robot. Period. :'''Bat-Duplicant''': You're lying! It's not possible! I know my family and friends! I remember names, faces, birthdays! I have memories! A past! :'''Rossum''': You have information. Data. Nothing more. Do you remember your first kiss? Your favorite song? The last time you tasted a really good steak? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[about the duplicant]'' Could it be it had a soul, Alfred? A soul of silicon, but a soul nonetheless. ===''Fire From Olympus'' [1.63]=== :'''Stavros''': Please! It's not what you think. I wasn't going to say anything. Honest! :'''[[w:Maxie Zeus|Maximillion "Maxie" Zeus]]''': Silence! First, you transgress against me. Then, you force me to descend to the mortal plane. And now, you tell me I know not what I think?! :'''Stavros''': No! :'''Zeus''': To the depths of Tartarus with you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zeus''': You bore me with these tales of petty human concerns. :'''Clio''': ''[annoyed]'' You're doing it again, Max. :'''Zeus''': You are Clio, my muse of history. Amuse me with tales of ancient times when mortals trembled at the name of Zeus. :'''Clio''': You want a story? I got one. Seems there was this guy named Max who, because he'd been lucky so far in the smuggling racket, believed himself to be untouchable, superior, godlike... :'''Zeus''': There's a cynical edge to your voice I don't appreciate. Know you not, I am above mortal constraints of right and wrong? :'''Clio''': No one is above the law, Max. :'''Zeus''': I make my own laws! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zeus''': Begone, Lord [[w:Hades|Hades]]. Get thee back to thine own realm. Do not come again to Olympus until bidden! :'''Batman''': I think I get the message. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Clio''': ''[telling Batman about Zeus]'' He wasn't always this way, you know. But then business got bad and he started handling cargo for the mob. After a while, with the pressure, the tension... things got confused. He's not living in the real world anymore. ''[awkwardly]'' Maybe you can relate to that? :'''Batman''': ''[after a short silence]'' You're the only one who can get me close enough to help him - while some of the man you knew still exists. ===''Read My Lips'' [1.64]=== :'''Batman''': How do you think I found this place? The phone book? I had help. ''Inside'' help. :'''[[w:Ventriloquist (comics)|Scarface]]''': My premonition! I knew I was right! Which one of you louses is it?! :'''Rhino''': It ain't me boss! :'''Scarface''': I know it ain't you, Rhino! You're too stupid to be a traitor! :'''Rhino''': Thanks, boss. :'''Scarface''': But whoever it is, they're gonna pay big time! Who is it?! You don't talk, you get the ultimate massage! :'''Batman''': And if I tell? :'''Scarface''': Maybe you just get run over by a truck. :'''Batman''': Tempting, but no. :'''Scarface''': Have it your way. Rhino! :''[Rhino gets ready to pull the lever to lower Batman to a pit of mannequins with razor-sharp fingernails]'' :'''Batman''': Hold it! :'''Scarface''': This is gettin' old, Bats. Last chance, who's the traitor? :'''Batman''': Him! The Ventriloquist! :''[everyone glares at the Ventriloquist]'' :'''Ventriloquist''': No, no! He's lying! I told you when he came into my room! :'''Scarface''': So what? Maybe you did 'cause I had ya cornered. Heard ya talkin' to Batman. :'''Batman''': ''[uses his own ventriloquism to imitate the Ventriloquist]'' Shut up, you blockhead! :'''Scarface''': WHAT DID YOU SAY?! :'''Ventriloquist''': It wasn't me! I didn't say that! My lips didn't move! :'''Scarface''': So what?! You're a ventriloquist! You're also a lyin' yellow liver-bellied two-face! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, Scarface! I'm loyal! I'd never! :'''Batman''': He's been feeding me information, in return for legal protection. ''[imitates the Ventriloquist again]'' You're going up the river, sawdust-for-brains! :'''Scarface''': Why, I oughta...! Waste the floor-flusher! Come on, I gave an order! ICE HIM! DO IT! DO IT NOW! :'''Muggsy''': But, boss, we ventilate the Ventriloquist, your, y'know... :'''Scarface''': I'M SURROUNDED BY TRAITORS! Okay, fine. Ya want something done right, do it yourself! ''[aims his gun at the Ventriloquist]'' ===''The Worry Men'' [1.65]=== :'''Veronica''': If ever someone led a worry-free life, it's you, Bruce Wayne. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce''': Tell me, Alfred: what's an ancient Mayan witch doctor doing on a Gotham skyscraper? :'''Alfred''': This isn't one of those Riddler questions, is it? :'''Bruce''': No, but it's just as confusing. <hr width="50%"/> :''[As Batman attempts to escape from his guillotine]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Oh, you're a clever one! But I will not be denied! As the great [[w:Lewis Carroll|Lewis Carroll]] said: "[[w:Jabberwocky|One, two, one, two, and through and through the vorpal blade went snicker-snack! He left it dead, and with its head, he went galumphing back!]]" <hr width="50%"/> :''[Freed from his mind control, the Mad Hatter's jaguar gang turn on him]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Stop! :'''Shaman''': Yes, stop. Leave him to the police. :'''Mad Hatter''': Thank you. Thank you, you generous, forgiving, ''[draws a gun from his hat]'' noble fool! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': I must say, after all the Hatter put him through, that fellow showed remarkable restraint. :'''Bruce''': When everything was said and done, all the shaman really wanted was to go home. In fact, I hear he even sent the Hatter a farewell gift. :''[The Hatter is seen tossing and turning in bed in Arkham]'' :'''Bruce''': Something to ensure that Jervis Tetch only dreams of a good honest life from now on. :''[A Batman doll is revealed from under the Hatter's pillow]'' ==Season 2== ===''Sideshow'' [2.1]=== :'''Killer Croc''': You know, there's something the brains back at the joint didn't think about. :'''Prison Guard''': Yeah, what's that? :'''Killer Croc''': Crocodile's got the strongest jaws of any animal around. ''[bites his handcuffs in half]'' :'''Prison Guard''': ''[spits the coffee out of his mouth and pins Croc with the shotgun]'' Get back! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman arrives with his shadow. Goliath wakes up and Batman covers Goliath's mouth by calming him down]'' :'''Batman''': Calm down, I won't hurt you. I'm just looking for someone: half man, half crocodile. ''[Goliath looks over worriedly]'' He's in there, isn't he? :'''Goliath''': ''[Pushes Batman to the cage]'' No! Stay away! ''[Holds him against it]'' He's one of us. Croc, run! :'''Batman''': ''[Kicks Goliath into the stomach]'' I don't wanna hurt you. :'''Goliath''': Don't worry, you won't. ''[Hits Batman with the big punch and Batman and Goliath starts fighting]'' :'''Killer Croc''': ''[Comes out of the house]'' You. ''[Gives Batman a spear]'' :'''Billy''': Richard, help! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Billy the Seal Boy''': Why, Croc? Why'd you turn on us like that? We could have helped you, we could have done something. :'''Killer Croc''': You said you can be yourself out here, remember? Well, I guess that's what I was doing - being myself. ===''A Bullet For Bullock'' [2.2]=== :'''Bullock''': Let's get something straight from the get-go. I think you're a freak and a menace, and those are your ''good'' points. But the commish says you serve a purpose, so I go along. :'''Batman''': I appreciate your honesty. What's the problem? :'''Bullock''': Somebody's got it in for me. Tried to give me a fender massage last night. It ain't the first time. Last week too. :'''Batman''': Any suspects? :'''Bullock''': So many, they could have their own zip code. I've put a lot of guys away, and they hate me for it. Looks like one of them hates me enough to do something about it. :'''Batman''': Why me? Why not just go to the department? :'''Bullock''': I step on a lot of toes. I don't want Internal Affairs looking at me too close. They might find some things I don't want found. :'''Batman''': Are you on the take? :'''Bullock''': Watch it, freak! I never took a dime from nobody! I just bend the rules a little sometimes, you understand. We're not all that different. :'''Batman''': We're on the same side, but we're ''not'' the same. I'll help you find out who's after you, but you've got to collar them clean. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': We ''are'' speaking of the same person, are we not? Harvey Bullock? The detective who looks like an unmade bed? :'''Batman''': The same. :'''Alfred''': He came to ''you'' for help? It must be serious. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Montoya''': Bullock? You okay? You don't look so good. I mean, you never look good, but today you look worse. :'''Bullock''': After fifteen years working in this cesspool, I'd like to see how good ''you'' look! <hr width="50%"/> :''[In the Batmobile]'' :'''Bullock''': Nice starship you got here. What's this for? ''[points towards a button]'' :'''Batman''': Passenger ejector seat. :''[Bullock withdraws nervously, while Batman smirks slightly]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bullock''': By the way, I still think you're a freak, but... thanks. ===''Trial'' [2.3]=== :'''Two-Face''': Basic fifty-fifty option. You get him off, you both go free. He goes down, you take the fall with him. :'''Mad Hatter''': Amusing idea, what? Kidnapping you to be Batman's attorney? :'''Two-Face''': Personally, I suggested a quick slug between the eyes... but I lost the coin toss. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarface''': Court is now in session! The Good People of Arkham Asylum vs. the Self-Righteous Vigilante Called Batman! Our prosecutor is ready, likewise our fair and impartial jury. :'''Mad Hatter''': Hang him! :'''Harley''': Shoot him! :'''Killer Croc''': Hit him with a rock! :'''Scarface''': And now, all rise for the most honorable, most benevolent, most merciful Judge Joker! :'''Joker''': GUILTY! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I was promised a chance to defend my client! :'''Joker''': Oh, very well. Like it'll make a difference. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I suppose that you, like your friends, claim that Batman ''drove'' you to be a criminal? :'''Mad Hatter''': He did. :'''Janet Van Dorn''': And yet, as I recall in your case, you brainwashed and kidnapped a woman who rejected you. :'''Mad Hatter''': Batman forced me to do it! He was going to take her away from me! I had no choice! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': You could have respected her wishes and left her alone. :'''Mad Hatter''': I'D HAVE KILLED HER FIRST! ''[gasps and covers his mouth, then turns to the Joker]'' I'd like that last statement stricken from the record, please. :'''Joker''': Record? Is someone supposed to be writing this down? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': And so it's Batman's fault you lead a life of crime? :'''Poison Ivy''': He should have let me bump off Harvey Dent. We'd all have been better off - wouldn't we, Harv? :'''Two-Face''': ''[muttering while flipping his coin]'' Why, you rotten little... :'''Janet Van Dorn''': But Miss Isley, isn't the real motivation for your crimes your obsession with plants? That you prefer them to people? :'''Poison Ivy''': I love plants, honey, but a rose is a rose. :'''Janet Van Dorn''': Then it doesn't bother you when someone, let's say the judge here, ''[plucks the flower from the Joker's robe]'' ruthlessly ''plucks'' a defenceless flower from the warm green earth? :'''Poison Ivy''': No! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': Even knowing he's given it his death sentence? That its petals must die? ''[starts pulling its petals out]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': Stop it...! :'''Poison Ivy''': One by one, withering, falling. One by one till it's all gone, ''honey.'' :''[She crushes the flower so that it crumbles apart. Ivy shrieks with rage and attacks her, and the Scarecrow and Mad Hatter rush in to restrain her]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Miss Ivy, please! :'''Scarface''': You look beautiful when you're angry. :''[Ivy smacks the Ventriloquist in the face, and Scarface laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I used to believe Batman was responsible for you people. But now I see nearly everyone here would have ended up exactly the same, Batman or not. Oh, the gimmicks might be different, but you'd all be out there in some form or another bringing misery to Gotham. The truth is, ''you'' created ''him.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Well done, counsellor. You've proven that Batman ''didn't'' create us - that we, in fact, messed up our own rotten lives! And as we are so rotten, vile and depraved... we're going to waste you anyway! :''[The inmates cheer and close in on Batman and Janet]'' :'''Joker''': [[w:Porky Pig|A-bi-a-bi-a-bi, that's all, folks!]] ''[bangs down a rubber chicken]'' Let's mambo! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I see now there's a need for the things you do. But I'm still going to work towards a city that doesn't need Batman. :'''Batman''': ''[smiling]'' Me too. ===''Avatar'' [2.4]=== :'''Lucius Fox''': Without a doubt, this will be one of the best museum exhibitions Gotham City has ever seen. You can be quite the humanitarian on occasion, Bruce. It's commendable. It's inspiring. :'''Bruce''': It's deductible. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce''': You've got a serious priority problem, Ra's. What can be in that tomb that's more valuable than the love of your daughter? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Power, detective. The power once held by almighty Thoth-Khepera, Queen of Two Continents. :'''Bruce''': You surprise me, Ra's. The world's oldest chauvinist chasing after a woman? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Thoth-Khepera was not simply a woman, detective, nor merely a ruler. Through her flowed the power of the gods. With no more than a gesture, she controlled the force of life and death, and with it, she kept a nation under her thumb for one thousand years. :'''Bruce''': You sound like a bad Saturday afternoon serial, Ra's. This is sheer nonsense. :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': No, detective - I know there is a power there to be tapped! My six hundred years of life are proof of that power. :''[Bruce and Talia are trapped in a glass booth]'' :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Farewell, detective. Farewell, Talia. It is said that one finds one's immortality in one's offspring. Alas, I know that to be a lie. ===''House and Garden'' [2.5]=== :'''Batman''': She's done nothing more incriminating than return an overdue video - even paid the late fee. :'''Alfred''': Could it be Ivy truly has reformed? :'''Batman''': I want to believe it. Why can't I? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You haven't changed a bit. :'''Poison Ivy''': Yes, I have. I meant it when I said I wanted a family that loves me. I just wanted it on my terms. :'''Robin''': Lady, you're nuts! :'''Poison Ivy''': Well, that's ''your'' opinion. Probably the last one you'll ever have, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': I'm just sorry she got away. :'''Batman''': Me too, Robin. But I don't think we'll see her again anytime soon. :''[The real Ivy is shown escaping on a plane out of Gotham, looking through a scrapbook]'' :'''Batman''': Ivy lost everything she had, everything she said she ever wanted. For what it's worth, I believed her when she told me that for the first time in her life... she was happy. :''[Ivy sheds tears as she looks at a photo of her wedding]'' ===''The Terrible Trio'' [2.6]=== :'''Warren''': Is this all you do for kicks, Bruce? Charity work? :'''Bruce''': Well, I do have a night life. Pull! ''[shoots down a clay pigeon]'' Besides, it's important to help others. It may sound corny, but hey, it's how I feel. :'''Warren''': You must recognize that you are a superior animal, Bruce. A member of the elite. Pull! ''[shoots down another clay pigeon]'' Take my Delta brothers and me. Why, we've run with the bulls! :'''Armand''': Shot game from hot air balloons! :'''Gunther''': Killed a great white! :'''Warren''': We've done it all. Ah, therein lies the problem. After all, what do the rajas do when there are no more tigers to hunt? :'''Bruce''': I'm sure you'll think of something, Warren. ''[leaves]'' :'''Warren''': Dollar for dollar, that has to be the dullest man in Gotham City. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Scoundrels like these are worse than the Joker. At least he's got madness as an excuse! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Let's go, Fox. You've raided your last chicken coop. :'''Warren''': Wait, wait a minute! We can make a deal! A million dollars to let me go! ''Ten'' million! Think about it. Buys a lot of Batarangs! :'''Batman''': ''[unimpressed]'' Your money's no good here. :'''Warren''': Okay, fine! Go ahead, take me in, hero! I've got every judge in town in my pocket! You'll see! I'll get justice! The best that money can buy! :''[Next, Warren is seen being ushered into a cell at Stonegate, where his burly new cellmate gives him a menacing look]'' ===''Harlequinade'' [2.7]=== :'''Harley''': ''[in handcuffs]'' I sense a lack of trust. :'''Robin''': Are you sure you don't need help keeping Zippy under control? :''[Harley picks the lock on her cuffs while Batman speaks]'' :'''Batman''': I'm fine. Besides, I need you to be ready if Gordon's men get any leads. I'll signal if there's trouble. :'''Robin''': You got it. :'''Harley''': I wanna listen to the radio! ''[reaches for the controls]'' :'''Batman''': DON'T--! :''[Harley Quinn deploys a parachute, causing the Batmobile to swerve wildly. When the Batmobile stops, Batman is furious]'' :'''Harley''': ''[timidly]'' Oops... :'''Batman''': Listen, and listen good. You don't touch anything, say anything, or DO ANYTHING UNLESS I TELL YOU! GOT IT?! :'''Harley''': Yes, sir. :'''Batman''': ''[turns away, Harley begins making faces at him]'' So far, Joker hasn't been seen in any of his old hideouts. I want you to show me the last place he used when he escaped. ''[catches her making a face, which she replaces with a sheepish grin]'' :'''Harley''': Okay! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Instead of taking you, the cops, and the Batman down separately? I'm gonna blast you all at once! ''[takes out his phone and speaks into it]'' Send down the plane, boys! We're blowing town! Literally. ''[gets off the phone]'' :'''Mayor''': But all those innocent people... :'''Joker''': Some joke on them, eh? Think of it as the ultimate punchline! Ha ha ha ha ha! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': It's lucky you were here, Quinn. The countdown sequence didn't leave Joker enough time to swing by Arkham and pick you up. :'''Joker''': Quiet, brat. :'''Harley''': You ''were'' gonna come for me, weren't you, Puddin'? :'''Joker''': Of course, pumpkin-pie! It's just that... well, here you are, so I can, err, save myself the trip! :'''Harley''': But what about all our friends, Ivy and Two-Face and... Hat-Guy and Lizard-Man and Puppet-Head and-- ''[Joker shoves her into the plane]'' :'''Joker''': What about them? :'''Batman''': Don't forget your little pets! :'''Harley''': ''[gasps]'' The babies! We can't leave the babies! :'''Joker''': ''[shoves Harley into the plane again]'' I'll buy you a goldfish! Let's go! :'''Harley''': ''[struggling]'' NO! :'''Joker''': Why, you little...! :''[Harley kicks him in the face]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley''': ''[points the gun against Joker]'' Freeze, clown! :'''Batman''': Quinn, stop! :'''Harley''': He's mine, Bats! :'''Joker''': ''[grinning]'' You wouldn't dare. You don't have the guts! Not in a million years would you-- :''[Harley pulls the trigger - and a flag that reads "Rat-Tat-Tat" comes out of the barrel. The Joker stares at her for a moment, and throws his arms wide to embrace her]'' :'''Joker''': Baby, you're the greatest! ===''Time Out Of Joint'' [2.8]=== :'''Mayor Hill''': You! How did you get past-- :'''The Clock King''': Good evening, Mayor! Nice to see you again too. And whose life are you ruining now? A poor pensioner? A malnourished orphan, perhaps? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Hill''': Please, Fugate, don't hurt me! :'''The Clock King''': If it's any comfort, my revenge will encompass more than just you. I intend to pass a most timely sentence on the entire judicial system. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': It's a shame that you've decided to keep this device a secret. :'''Dr. Wataki''': It would seem that the world is not quite ready for it yet. :'''Robin''': Gee, that's too bad for Fugate. I'm sure he'll wish he had something to make the days pass quicker where he's going. ===''Catwalk'' [2.9]=== :'''Scarface''': Calm down, pussycat. We're all friends here. ''[to the Ventriloquist]'' Dummy, don't keep our pretty guest in the dark. :'''Ventriloquist''': Yes, sir, Mr. Scarface. ''[turns on the lot, revealing him and Scarface]'' :'''Scarface''': Ah, that's better. :'''Selina Kyle''': ''[gasps]'' You gotta be kidding! ''[laughs]'' :'''Scarface''': What's she laughin' at? My fly ain't open, is it?! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, sir. :'''Scarface''': So what's the gag? :'''Selina Kyle''': Oh come on, you know! ''[in a goofy voice]'' "What's the gag?" :'''Scarface''': ''[aims his gun at Selina]'' Can it, sister! This is Scarface you're dealing with, and I don't stand for no disrespect. :'''Ventriloquist''': I'd do as he says, ma'am. Mr. Scarface can be quite insistent. :'''Scarface''': I don't think anyone's talking to you! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, sir. No, sir. :'''Selina Kyle''': Right... so, what do you want with me? :'''Scarface''': My boys happened to be in the museum when they saw your little set-to with Miss Ronnie V. They also seen you licking your whiskers at the sight of Ronnie's pretty sparklers. :'''Selina Kyle''': You're boring me, log. :''[the Ventrloquist pulls out an envelope from his coat]'' :'''Scarface''': So what if I could provide you with a foolproof plan to snatchin' those rocks with no risk of you gettin' caught? :'''Selina Kyle''': Pass. Kitty's been staying it at night. It's not the greatest, but it beats the pound, if you know what I mean. :'''Scarface''': Now, that's a darn shame. And I thought for sure you'd want a chance to get even with the Vreelands. Not just for yourself, ya understand, but for all those poor little stuffed critters what never had the chance to fight back. :'''Selina Kyle''': Oh, barf. :'''Scarface''': It's a 50/50 cut. Take it or leave it? You in or what? :''[Selina thinks about it for a while then picks up the envelope]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': What a pleasant surprise. Though I should warn you - breaking and entering is against the law. :'''Batman''': You would know. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarface''': [[w:Tweety|I thawt I thaw a putty tat!]] <hr width="50%"/> :''[Catwoman crushes Scarface under some logs]'' :'''Catwoman''': That's one way to remove a splinter. What's wrong, Ventriloquist? Cat got your tongue? :'''Ventriloquist''': Please, I never hurt you! Scarface, he's another person, not me, really! :'''Catwoman''': But he's inside you somewhere. And I'm going to keep scratching until I find him. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': [[w:Just So Stories|I am the cat who walks by herself.]] ===''Bane'' [2.10]=== :'''Thorne''': You almost didn't get paid. You're lucky these diamonds didn't get nabbed in the smuggling bust. :'''[[w:Bane (comics)|Bane]]''': No, Mr. Thorne. You are the lucky one. ''[He punches the punching bag across the room]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': He wrecked my car, Alfred. Between two guys, that's ''real'' personal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bane''': Toys. You try to fight me with pathetic little TOYS. You've got nothing! Beg for mercy! SCREAM MY NAME! :'''Batman''': Never. :'''Bane''': You are beaten! Now I will break you! ===''Baby-Doll'' [2.11]=== :'''Robin''': ''[on "Love That Baby"]'' I remember this show from when I was a kid. It still stinks. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At Wayne Manor, Summer Gleeson is on the telephone talking to Marv Wolfman at her office.]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': I don't care what Mayor Hill says. The people have a right to know, and if he won't talk to us-- ''[Batman drops a photo of Baby-Doll onto her desk]'' I'll call you back, Marv. ''[to Batman and Robin]'' Since when are you interested in has-been actors? :'''Batman''': Since that one's been kidnapping her co-stars. :'''Summer Gleeson''': You're serious? :'''Robin''': She's been picking them off, one by one. Any reason she'd have a grudge? :'''Summer Gleeson''': Actually, ''they'' should hate ''her.'' Dahl put them all out of work when she quit the series to become a "dramatic" actress. :''[Summer plays a video of Mary Dahl playing Lady Macbeth]'' :'''Mary Dahl''': What, will these hands never be clean? Here's the smell of the blood still. All the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand. :'''Robin''': Pee-yew! :'''Summer Gleeson''': That's what the critics said. Baby's dramatic career flopped, and when she tried to start her TV show again, the networks turned her down. :'''Batman''': That still doesn't explain why she's after her old cast. :'''Robin''': ''[picks up a cassette]'' Maybe there's a clue in these old episodes. :'''Summer Gleeson''': You can borrow them if you want. And when you crack the case, you can pay me back with an exclusive... ''[turns to see that they have gone]'' interview. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': Naughty, naughty, Daddys! Mustn't yell at your Baby like thats. :'''Tod Baker''': You're not my daughter, and we're not a family! We're actors, remember?! You cancelled our show because you whined you weren't getting enough attention! :'''Baby-Doll''': ''[putting on a sad face]'' But I knows now I made a boo-boo! ''[sniffles and breaks character]'' It was hard for me out there. I studied and trained and auditioned, but no one wanted me. ''[plays the sound of a crowd going "Aww..." on her tape recorder]'' Over the years, I remembered how happy I was with all of you around me, and the folks at home watching me each week. Me, ''[goes back into her "cute" voice]'' Baby-Doll! ''[giggles]'' Now I'm Baby for good, and everyone will love me agains! Hugs, hugs! :''[Her goons force the actors to share a hug with her, and she plays the "Aww..." again]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': ''[watching episodes of Baby Doll's old TV show]'' Remember that time Poison Ivy nearly smothered us in those vines, with the ''really'' sharp thorns? :'''Batman''': Yes. :'''Robin''': This is worse. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': ''[after her TV brother is rendered unconscious by her bodyguard]'' Sorry I had to play roughs, Tippy. I didn't mean to. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': ''[Mariam kicks Robin around]'' Wow, lady! You're good! :'''Mariam''': It's a living... <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman pursues Baby-Doll in a funhouse tunnel maze]'' :'''Baby-Doll''': Silly Mr. Batman can't catch me! :'''Batman''': Don't run away! I know you're scared, confused - I can help you! :'''Baby-Doll''': Liar, liar, cape on fire! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': Game's over, Mr. Batman! ''[laughs]'' I WIN! ''[Batman fires his grappling gun, knocking the doll-gun down a slide]'' No fair! ''[runs to retrieve it, and stumbles into a room full of fun-house mirrors. Picks up the gun, wandering through the various distorted reflections, until she comes to one that shows her as an adult]'' Look! That's me in there. The ''real'' me! There I am... ''[touches the reflection, and her face changes]'' ...But it's not ''really'' real, is it? Just... made up and pretend, like my family and my life and everything else! ''[turns to face Batman, who stands behind her]'' '''''WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST LET ME MAKE-BELIEVE?!''''' ''[fires at mirrors, and cries after breaking the mirror with her adult reflection. Batman approaches her]'' I didn't ''mean'' to... ===''The Lion And The Unicorn'' [2.12]=== :''[Alfred breaks a chair over a thug's head.]'' :'''Robin''': And here all I thought you dusted was furniture. :'''Alfred''': A [[w:Louis XV|Louis Quinze]]; what a pity. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred Pennyworth''': ''[after being drugged with a truth serum]'' You'll get nothing but gibberish out of me, madam. I come from haunts of cootenfern and knicker sudden Sally. Uh... dee-dum dee-dum dee-dum dee-dum, and bicker down the valley. :'''Red Claw''': And people wonder why no one takes Britain seriously anymore. ===''Showdown'' [2.13]=== :'''Sheriff''': Well, well. Jonah Hex, his own bad self. Been here five minutes and you ain't killed nobody nor set nothin' on fire. Slippin', ain't you? :'''[[w:Jonah Hex|Jonah Hex]]''': I'm still a little bushed. :'''Sheriff''': Fact is, you look a little past it, Hex. Not tired, just all used up. :'''Hex''': Well, when I get pushed, I can still shoot a fly out from between its wings. Provided the light's right, of course... and it's a big ''plump'' fly. :''[The sheriff glances down at his own portly figure. Two other bargoers retreat outside, sensing trouble.]'' :'''Sheriff''': I ain't got nothin' on you, Hex... yet. Just remember, them wanted posters say "dead or alive". You might try "alive" this time. :'''Hex''': First time for everything. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duvall''': It would appear we have ourselves a government spy. A rather disreputable-looking one at that. Well, Mr. Spy, I'd say your plan has failed, and the railroad is doomed. :'''Hex''': I ain't no spy! I'm Jonah Hex, and I don't give a tinker's cuss about no railroad. I've come to get ''you'', Arkady Duvall, on account of what you done to that girl back east. :'''Duvall''': ''[chuckles]'' You mean to say, you've tracked me across ''twelve states'' because of that? :'''Hex''': Well, there's also the matter of a 200 dollar reward. That part don't hurt my feelings none. :'''Duvall''': You're either a liar or a fool. :'''Hex''': I've been known to be foolish, but ain't ''nobody'' calls me a liar and goes to bed happy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hex''': Now! Let's you and me dance. :'''Duvall''': You cannot defeat me. I am a Heidelberg fencing champion. :'''Hex''': My heart's all a-flutter. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duvall''': Five thousand in gold, take it. Leave me be. :'''Hex''': It ain't about money, boy. It's about justice. And I aim to serve you some. :'''Duvall''': Let me live, please! :'''Hex''': I will. Only because it's too much trouble to haul your stinkin' carcass back east. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You left Duvall to his fate a century ago. Why come back for him now? :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Did you really think, detective, that in my six hundred years of life, I would have sired only ''one'' offspring? Even before the Phoenix debacle, I had come to realize that Arkady was too unbalanced and cruel to wisely rule my empire. :'''Batman''': But you couldn't forget about him. :'''Ra's al Ghul''': What father can ever forget his son? Come now, detective, I've still a few good years left. We will cross swords another day. But for now, let me take my boy home. ===''Riddler's Reform'' [2.14]=== :''[After learning about the theft of historical antiquities on TV]'' :'''Riddler''': ''[in Bruce's memory]'' Those are things of the past, Batman. Ancient history that's gone now. I'm a new man! But you probably won't figure that out before it's too late! ''[laughs]'' :'''Bruce''': ''He'' did it. :'''Dick''': Who? :'''Bruce''': The Riddler. Remember what he said: "Things of the past." "Ancient history that's gone now." Look! :'''Dick''': Gee, I don't know. His riddles aren't usually that subtle. Besides, he's got a multimillion dollar deal with that toy company. Why would he throw it away over some stupid riddle crime? :'''Bruce''': Because that's the way his warped mind works. He's obsessed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': He's right, you know. :'''Manny''': Who? :'''Riddler''': Batman. He ''is'' going to catch me, sooner or later. :'''Manny''': Gee, boss, you're scaring me. You're talking kinda crazy. :'''Riddler''': DON'T YOU ''EVER'' CALL ME THAT! I fooled the police, the doctors, the Parole Board - all of them! There's only one person who's ever been able to challenge me: ''BATMAN!'' He's the only one worthy of the game! :'''Manny''': But you said sooner or later he's gonna catch you. What are you gonna do? :'''Riddler''': I'm never going back to Arkham! So I guess there's only one thing to do! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': Hello, Batman. This is it: the end of the game. I'm a little sad actually. You were a worthy opponent. But then, I told you I'd make a ''killing'' at the Toy Fair! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': ''[ranting in a cell in Arkham]'' It's IMPOSSIBLE, I tell you! Impossible! My trap was perfect! How did he do it?! I have to know! SOMEBODY TELL ME! IT'S NOT FAIR! THERE WAS NO WAY, I TELL YOU! NO WAY HE COULD HAVE GOTTEN OUT! SOMEBODY TELL ME! DO YOU HEAR ME?! SOMEBODY TELL ME HOW HE DID IT! I HAVE TO KNOW! '''''I HAVE TO KNOOOOOOOOOW!!!''''' ===''Second Chance'' [2.15]=== :'''Penguin''': And what might ''you'' be doing out there? Catching insects for dinner? :'''Batman''': I'm looking for Two-Face. :'''Penguin''': What, did you lose him? ''[chuckles]'' :'''Batman''': Somebody kidnapped him from Gotham Central tonight. You and he had a disagreement sometime ago, didn't you? :'''Penguin''': It's true. Harvey stole a rare ''avis'' right out from under my beak several months ago. A jewel-encrusted statuette of a two-headed [[w:roc (mythology)|roc]]. It was worth millions. But, my dear rodent, I'd never kidnap a fellow rogue out of his sickbed. It just isn't done. :'''Batman''': Honour among thieves? :'''Penguin''': Absolutely. If I were going to attack Harvey, I'd do it face to face... to face, heh, so to speak. Like THIS! ''[laughs and unleashes his birds on Batman]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You may as well come out. I know everything now. :''[A man emerges, his identity obscured by shadows]'' :'''Batman''': You hated Harvey Dent, and would do anything to destroy him. :''[Lightning flashes, revealing the man to be Two-Face himself]'' :'''Two-Face''': Why not? He was going to destroy me. Just like I'm going to destroy you! ''[attacks him]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Harvey, pull yourself up! :'''Harvey''': I can't! I'll drop the coin! :'''Batman''': Drop it! Save yourself! :'''Harvey''': I... I don't know what to do. The coin won't tell me! :'''Batman''': It can't tell you anything! I switched coins when you grabbed me! :'''Robin''': ''[swings and kicks the thugs out of Batman's way]'' Good thing I decided to tag along after all. :'''Batman''': It's a trick coin! It'll always land on edge! It's ''your'' decision now, Harvey! Life or death? The coin or me? :''[Robin threw the batarang to hit the elevator button to send the thug in an elevator, thunderstruck and Harvey/Two-Face decided to drops the coin]'' :'''Harvey''': Batman, help me. :''[Batman tries to give Harvey a hand, but Two-Face suddenly regains control]'' :'''Two-Face''': Never! ''[punches Batman and falls]'' :'''Batman''': ''HARVEY!!!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harvey''': ''[seen in half-shadow, making him appear to once again be Harvey Dent instead of Two-Face]'' Bruce? Good old Bruce. Always there. You never give up on me. :''[Bruce Wayne smiles and pats Harvey's shoulder before he is escorted away]'' :'''Dick''': He's right. You're always there for him. :'''Bruce''': Yes, just like you're always there for me. :'''Dick''': Hey, what are friends for? ===''Harley's Holiday'' [2.16]=== :'''Scarecrow''': I am the Master of Fear! The Lord of Despair! Cower before me in witless terror! :'''Harley''': Hi, Professor Crane! :'''Scarecrow''': ''[Smiling fondly]'' Good evening, child. ''[To Batman and Robin, furiously]'' Worship me, you fools! Worship me! Scream hosannas of anguish to Scarecrow, the all-terrible God of Fear! ''[Guards take him away]'' :'''Robin''': I think he's getting better. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley''': I'm having a BAD DAY! I'm sick of people trying to shoot me, run me over and blow me up! I didn't even get to keep my new dress - I ACTUALLY PAID FOR IT! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman and Robin take Harley back to Arkham]'' :'''Harley''': ''[sadly]'' [[w:To market, to market|Home again, home again, diggity dig...]] :'''Dr. Joan Leland''': Not for too long, though. Ms. Vreeland dropped the kidnapping charges. With a little more hard work, you should be ready to re-enter society for good. :'''Harley''': Yay... ''[to Batman]'' There's one thing I've gotta know. Why'd you stay with me all day, risking your butt for someone who's never given you anything but trouble? :'''Batman''': I know what it's like to try and rebuild a life. ''[takes her dress out of a bag]'' I had a bad day too, once. :'''Harley''': ''[takes the dress, smiling]'' Nice guys like you shouldn't have bad days. ===''Lock-Up'' [2.17]=== :'''Scarecrow''': Don't take me back there, please! Look at me, Batman! I'm shaking with fear! Me! The Scarecrow! I wasn't even going back to crime this time! I just had to get away from... HIM! :'''[[w:Lock-Up (comics)|Lyle Bolton]]''': I'll take it from here, Batman. Lyle Bolton, Chief of security. Congratulations, Professor Crane. You're the first inmate to escape Arkham under my charge. ''[He grabs Crane by the collar; Crane whimpers]'' You're also the last. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bartholomew''': Miss Quinn? Do you have any complaints against Mr. Bolton? :''[Lyle Bolton sneers threateningly at Harley Quinn]'': :'''Harley Quinn''': I got nothing to say. :'''Bartholomew''': But surely you must have something you wish to- :'''Harley Quinn''': You got a hearing problem or something?! NO! NADA! IXNAY! ZERO! ZILCH! BUPKES! NOTHING! OKAY?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': He threatens us! Takes away our privileges, even when we're good! :'''[[w:Lock-Up (comics)|Lyle Bolton]]''': We've heard enough of this nonsense. :'''Jonathon Crane''': He says scum like us must be kept in line! That's why he chains us down at night and electrifies our doors! :'''Scarface''': He held me over a can filled with a termites! Ya hear me?! ''TERMITES!'' :'''Harley Quinn''': He's an animal! :'''Ventriloquist''': A monster! :'''Jonathon Crane''': Keep him away! :'''Lyle Bolton''': '''SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU!''' :''[The guards retrain Lyle Bolton, he kicks the table, resists the guards and attack and them; he threatens to kill the inmates, and Bruce Wayne trips him with the chair]'' :'''Lyle Bolton''': You're all scum! You should be beaten within an inch of your misbegotten lives! :'''Bartholomew''': I've seen enough! ''[pounds the gravel]'' Lyle Bolton, you're dismissed! :'''Lyle Bolton''': Before I came here, Arkham was a revolving door for every maniac in Gotham. ''I'' kept them in! '''ME!''' Now I realize I was wrong to punish those pathetic miscreants! '''THEY'RE ONLY SYMPTOMS! ''YOU'RE'' THE CAUSE! THE GUTLESS POLICE, MINDLESS BUREAUCRATS, AND CODDLING DOCTORS! YOU SHOULD ALL BE LOCKED UP IN A CAGE WITHOUT A KEY!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lock Up''': I could have rid Gotham of the fools in city hall and the police department! We could have made our own order! :'''Batman''': I was born to fight your brand of order! :'''Lock Up''': If that's your decision...! ===''Make 'Em Laugh'' [2.18]=== :'''Dispatcher''': Disturbance reported at the top of the Crown restaurant. Suspect is a male costumed extremist armed with what appears to be a... ketchup gun. :'''Batman''': It's going to be one of those nights. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Condiment King''': So long, suckers! Parting is such "sweet-and-sour" sorrow. ''[Batman yanks away his loot bag]'' What's this? Ah! The big bad Bat-guy. I knew you'd "ketchup" to me sooner or later. How I've "relished" this meeting. You, the dynamic Dark Knight, versus me, the conceptual Condiment King! Come, Batman. Let's see if you can "cut the mustard". :'''Batman''': Quiet! ''[punches the King in the stomach]'' :'''Condiment King''': ''[slumps to ground, gasping]'' You hit me! :'''Batman''': Now listen, Mustard Man, or whatever you call yourself. You're obviously new at this, so I'm willing to go easy on you, provided you give back the loot and never even think about doing this again. Deal? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Buddy's agent''': I don't get it. Buddy's just thrown his entire career away. The network's cancelling his show and the restaurant's suing him for a million dollars. Why did he do it? It just doesn't make sense. ===''Deep Freeze'' [2.19]=== :'''Batman''': Men like Walker are obsessed with getting their own way. And they don't let little things like the ''law'' stop them. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grant Walker''': Do you realize that in your half-frozen state, you will age more slowly than an ordinary human? You're practically immortal, my friend! :'''Mr. Freeze''': Yes, eternal life trapped in this wretched shell! What a miserable joke. :'''Grant Walker''': Miserable to you, but a godsend to me. Look at me, Mr. Freeze, I'm an old man. I've created wonders in my lifetime, but there is still so much to do! I want to change as you have. To become, like you, a being of blessed, eternal cold. :'''Mr. Freeze''': You're insane. :'''Grant Walker''': Only you know how to duplicate the accident that made you what you are. What I long to become! :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[grabs him]'' You want to live like this? Abandoned and alone? A prisoner in a world you can see but never touch? ''[drops him and turns away]'' Old and infirm as you are, I'd trade a thousand of my frozen years for your worst day. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grant Walker''': Every time I open a park, I get gatecrashers. :'''Batman''': We've seen your insane vision of the future, Walker. :'''Grant Walker''': My world will have no crime, violence or pain. :'''Robin''': You can add free will to that list too! :'''Grant Walker''': A small price to pay for order. :'''Batman''': ''Your'' order! For your select few! :'''Grant Walker''': Excuse me, but I fail to see the problem with that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You can't let Walker do this. Billions of people will perish! :'''Mr. Freeze''': That's not my concern. All that matters is I once again have my wife, and the means to restore her. :'''Batman''': She'll wake up in a dead, frozen world that ''you'' helped destroy. She'll ''hate'' you for that! :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''Silence.'' :'''Batman''': You think you're alone now? Wait until she learns the truth. :'''Mr. Freeze''': '''I SAID ''SILENCE!''''' ''[blasts at Batman and Robin, knocking them backward, then turns back to Nora with a saddened face]'' Forgive me... ''[frees Batman and Robin]'' Come, there is much to do. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Dick recovers from hypothermia]'' :'''Dick''': Man, if I spent any more time in that immersion tank, I'd be growing gills. :'''Bruce''': I'm just glad I was able to get you back here in time. :'''Dick''': Thanks. For a while I thought I'd end up like Walker, trapped in a ice cube forever. What about Mr. Freeze? Do you think he's gone for good? :'''Bruce''': I'm not sure. But if Freeze's condition has made him truly immortal... we may not have seen the last of him. ===''Batgirl Returns'' [2.20]=== :'''Catwoman''': Bats are just mice with wings, little girl. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Batgirl|Batgirl]]''': So, what are you going to do? Leave us over one of these vats with acid burning through the rope? :'''Daggett''': ''[Laughs]'' If there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's that you crime-fighting types are very resourceful. So, I'll just have my men shoot you and throw your bodies in the vats. == About ''{{PAGENAME}}'' == *'''PD''': If I had to differentiate between [Batman and Superman], I'd say Superman is sort of about hope. You've got this guy who's an alien and not truly human, but he personifies all the best qualities of humanity. He's sort of an example of what it would be nice to be like. We would all like to be like Superman. We would all like to have power, compassion, the ability to settle problems in a good way, and maybe [be able to] wink to ourselves about how nobody else besides us knows we really have this secret power and we keep it ourselves. There's not a lot of angst with Superman. If there is, it's more like, "I wish I could tell Lois who I really was." Batman is how you'd like to be if you [could] break someone's neck: "I'm pissed off, and I want to go out and do something about it." Superman waits for trouble to happen, and then he goes off and stops the problem. Batman's looking for trouble; he doesn't really start it, but he's out there looking. And if he sees something going on, he just jumps into the middle of it. :'''JA''': Batman's sort of a sociopath too. :'''PD''': He's absolutely a sociopath. He's a sociopath with a lot of money, and he's got a sense of right and wrong. I don't think he's totally bereft of some sort of compassion or feeling for some of the villains. He doesn't go after somebody like Mr. Freeze without a small bit of compassion for the man, or maybe someone like the Mad Hatter, or even Harley, whom he thinks is certainly a pain in the ass, but I think he kind of wishes she'd get her act together and wise up at some point. <br> But with darker characters like the Scarecrow and the Joker, he's basically out to make sure they never get out again - whatever it takes to take them down. Somebody like the Joker is probably the least human of all of Batman's Rogues Gallery. That was why I never wanted to do a story that humanizes the Joker, like we did with the Mad Hatter or Mr. Freeze, because I just don't think the character lends itself to that. He's almost supernatural in a way; he's somebody who's just thoroughly insane, who does what he wants to do, and who has a grudge against Batman. He probably likes horrifying people with his clownish appearance as much as Batman terrorizes criminals with his nightmare-like appearance. The Joker is pretty inhuman. I'd say the same thing about the Scarecrow. He is someone who really gets turned on by scaring people. He's like the anti-Batman. He's a weak, very unimposing man until he puts on the Scarecrow costume, and then goes out and gasses people with fear gas, and he watches them squirm. There's probably a big turn-on seeing people helpless in front of him screaming in fear. *'''PD''': When [[w:Tim Burton|Tim Burton]]'s ''[[Batman (1989 film)|Batman]]'' came out, that was the way to go. Now [[w:Joel Schumacher|Joel Schumacher]]'s [[Batman Forever|Batman]] is out there, and people are flocking to the movies, so they"re saying, "Can you lighten up the show a little bit? Can you have more fun with it?" So that's what we were charged with doing, and that's what we've done: to lighten up the color palette a little bit, so that every character's not just in dark colors. Robin, for instance, is now black, red, and gold, instead of green. Nightwing is black and a light, almost iridescent, blue. We've also given it a little more of a kid-friendly look. :* [[w:Paul Dini|Paul Dini]], [http://animationarena.com/batman_the_animated_series.html "Batman: The Animated Series"], ''Animation Arena''. * The thing with the Batman show—even though it's one of the most beautiful and well-written shows, and it really gets into Batman—is that it doesn't really move that fast. The fight scenes aren't that intense, and it doesn't really go actiony. There's a lot of walking and talking in it. It looks great, but it needs that kick of having action. And I think that's another thing that kids are picking up on: For the first time, you're actually seeing superheroes really fight bad guys. In a lot of the cartoons when I was growing up, like [[w:Super Friends|Super Friends]], there was no fighting of bad guys. They would just get sent off to jail. It was wacky, it was silly, it wasn't intense, and there wasn't real fighting and stuff in it. ** [[w:Craig McCracken|Craig McCracken]] [http://www.avclub.com/article/the-powerpuff-girls-13665 "The Powerpuff Girls"], Keith Phipps, ''A.V.Club'', Jun 21, 2000. == Cast == * [[Kevin Conroy]] - [[w:Batman|Bruce Wayne/Batman]] * [[w:Loren Lester|Loren Lester]] - [[w:Dick Grayson|Dick Grayson/Robin]] * [[w:Melissa Gilbert|Melissa Gilbert]] - [[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara Gordon/Batgirl]] * [[w:Clive Revill|Clive Revill]]/[[w:Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.|Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.]] - [[w:Alfred Pennyworth|Alfred Pennyworth]] * [[w:Bob Hastings|Bob Hastings]] - [[w:James Gordon (comics)|Commissioner James Gordon]] * [[w:Robert Costanzo|Robert Costanzo]] - [[w:Harvey Bullock (comics)|Detective Harvey Bullock]] * [[w:Ingrid Oliu|Ingrid Oliu]]/Liane Schirmer - [[w:Renee Montoya|Officer Renee Montoya]] * [[Mark Hamill]] - [[w:The Joker (comics)|The Joker]] * [[w:Arleen Sorkin|Arleen Sorkin]] - [[w:Harley Quinn|Dr. Harleen Quinzel/Harley Quinn]] * [[Paul Williams (songwriter)|Paul Williams]] - [[w:Penguin (comics)|Oswald Cobblepot/The Penguin]] * [[Adrienne Barbeau]] - [[w:Catwoman|Selina Kyle/Catwoman]] * [[w:John Glover (actor)|John Glover]] - [[w:Riddler|Edward Nygma/The Riddler]] * [[w:Richard Moll|Richard Moll]] - [[w:Two-Face (comics)|Harvey Dent/Two-Face]] * [[w:George Dzundza|George Dzundza]] - [[w:The Ventriloquist (comics)|Arnold Wesker/The Ventriloquist/Scarface]] * [[w:Henry Silva|Henry Silva]] - [[w:Bane (comics)|Bane]] * [[w:Aron Kincaid|Aron Kincaid]] - [[w:Killer Croc|Killer Croc]] * [[w:Marc Singer|Marc Singer]] - [[w:Man-Bat|Dr. Kirk Langstrom/Man-Bat]] * [[w:Ron Perlman|Ron Perlman]] - [[w:Clayface|Matt Hagen/Clayface]] * [[w:Diane Pershing|Diane Pershing]] - [[w:Poison Ivy (comics)|Dr. Pamela Isley/Poison Ivy]] * [[w:Henry Polic II|Henry Polic II]] - [[w:Scarecrow (DC comics)|Dr. Jonathan Crane/The Scarecrow]] * [[w:Roddy McDowall|Roddy McDowall]] - [[w:Mad Hatter|Dr. Jervis Tetch/The Mad Hatter]] * [[w:Michael Ansara|Michael Ansara]] - [[w:Mr. Freeze|Dr. Victor Freeze/Mr. Freeze]] * [[David Warner (actor)|David Warner]] - [[w:Ra's al Ghul|Ra's al Ghul]] ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} {{Batman}} [[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated superhero TV shows]] [[Category:Animated Batman TV shows]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Animated television programs based on Detective Comics]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Fox Broadcasting Company animated television series]] [[Category:Television series by Warner Bros. Animation]] stnjs2rlqv8hjr0m78w3iu0ro6in14l 3778902 3778901 2025-07-14T22:25:48Z 2A00:23C7:8583:8901:5157:8FC5:8DBF:8C56 /* On Leather Wings [1.1] */ 3778902 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Batman-_The_Animated_Series_logo.svg|thumb|I am [[vengeance]]. I am the [[night]]. I am, '''[[Batman|BATMAN]]'''!]] {{italic title}} '''''[[W:Batman: The Animated Series|Batman: The Animated Series]]''''' is an American animated superhero television series based on the [[DC Comics]] superhero Batman. It was succeeded by ''[[The Adventures of Batman & Robin]]'' and ''[[The New Batman Adventures]]''; the first production in the [[w:DC Animated Universe|DC Animated Universe]]. ==Season 1== ===''On Leather Wings'' [1.1]=== :'''Batman''': ''[reading the paper]'' "Gotham Police Declare War on Batman"? :'''Alfred''': I gather you've been reading ''[[w:How to Win Friends and Influence People|How to Make Friends and Influence People]]''? :'''Batman''': Somebody's setting me up. :'''Alfred''': My heavens. You mean it ''wasn't'' you tossing guards out of windows last night? :'''Batman''': ''[amused]'' I only toss butlers, Alfred. <hr width='50%'/> :'''[[w:Rene Auberjonois|Dr. March]]''': You donate a few million, and you think you own the place. I understand I'm to analyse something for you? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Yeah, doc. See, I keep hearing squeaks in my chimney, and I found these in my empty fireplace. They look like hairs. I thought maybe you could tell me if I have a bat problem. :'''Dr. March''': And what if they are bats, Mr. Wayne? What then? Destroy them like insects? We won't survive the next evolutionary cataclysm, but bats will! They're survivors, Mr. Wayne, not pests! You should understand that! <hr width='50%'/> :'''Dr. Kirk Langstrom''': ''[enters laboratory upon hearing noises]'' Who's back there? ''[spots Batman]'' You...! :'''Batman''': I'm looking for Dr. March. :'''Langstrom''' He's not here, Batman. :'''Batman''': Where is he? :'''Langstrom''': Giving a lecture on human extinction and bat evolution. He's really quite brilliant. :'''Batman''': He's misguided, and a thief. ''[holds up a vial of the serum]'' :'''Langstrom''': He's just a theorist, he was afraid to put it to the test. But I wasn't. I knew he'd discovered a formula to create a totally new species, neither man nor bat. And once I started taking it, I couldn't stop. I desperately wanted to, but... ''it'' took over. Francine and March tried to protect me, but it was too late. The beast knew what chemicals were needed to bring itself about! It was out of my control! And it only needs one more component to complete the process! ''[voice lowering]'' It's in ''ME'', Batman! ''[laughs maniacally and begins to change into Man-Bat]'' <hr width='50%'/> :'''Bullock''': Let's go! :'''Lieutenant''': I can’t do it, sir! :'''Bullock''': Whaddaya mean "you can’t do it"?! :'''Lieutenant''': I just got word not to let you up without the Commissioner! :'''Bullock''': Who told you that?! :'''Lieutenant''': The Commissioner! ''[points at Gordon as he arrives]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Get out, Detective! The Mayor may not let me fire you, but I am ''not'' taking the heat for your fiasco! :'''Bullock''': This is my case, Commissioner! You heard the Mayor! :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Then why don't you go take it up with him?! I've got a job to do! If you wanna tag along, fine! ''[gets into the helicopter]'' Take her up, Lieutenant! :'''Bullock''': ''[trying to clamber in as it takes off]'' Hey! Wait for me! ===''Christmas With The Joker'' [1.2]=== :''[the Arkham Asylum inmates practice signing Jingle Bells as other inmates set up a giant Christmas tree]'' :'''Joker''': Jingle bells! Batman smells! Robin laid an egg! ''[gets a tree-topper and climbs to install it]'' The Batmobile lost a wheel and the Jo-ker got a-wa-a-a-ay! ''[attaches the ornament and the Christmas Tree ignites, revealed as a rocket. Joker clambers at it launches]'' Crashing through the roof! In a one-horse-open tree! Busting out I go! Laughing all the WHEEEEE! ''[the "rocket-tree" flies off into the distance as he sings]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the Christmas with the Joker show]'' :'''Joker''': Rumor has it, Christmas is a time to share with family. :'''Laugh track''': Yea! :'''Joker''': And since I don't have one of my own... :'''Laugh track''': Aww... :'''Joker''': I decided to STEAL one! :'''Laugh track''': Yea! :'''Joker''': And here they are: The Awful Lawful Family! ''[lights turn on and reveal Gordon, Summer, and Bullock tied up and gagged]'' Aren't they just the cutest family you've ever seen? :'''Batman''': ''[watching in the Batmobile]'' It's never easy with the Joker. :'''Joker''': Meet Daddy Lawful! ''[ungags Gordon]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': You diseased maniac! I'll- ''[Joker gags him again]'' :'''Joker''': Hmm. Looks like I'll have to teach Daddy some manners. And here's Mommy Lawful! ''[ungags Summer]'' :'''Summer Gleason''': Help! Somebody please help us- ''[Joker gags her again]'' :'''Joker''': Ho ho ho, isn't she jolly? And here we have little Baby Lawful! Coochie coochie coo! ''[ungags Bullock]'' :'''Detective Bullock''': When I get my hands on you, I'll rip your- ''[Joker gags him again]'' :'''Joker''': I'll bet Batman wishes he had a family just like mine. Personally I think relatives are a bore, so Batman can have them... ''[points to clock showing 10:30PM] if'' he can find them by midnight! Otherwise... ''[makes a throat-slashing motion and laughs]'' ===''Nothing To Fear'' [1.3]=== :''[Bruce is introduced to Dr. Long and he offers a handshake]'' :'''Dr. Long''': ''[looks at hand and pouts off]'' Your father and I attended university together. He had big plans for you. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Well, I guess he'd be pleased. Wayne Industries is more prosperous than ever. :'''Dr. Long''': Pleased? When your father was alive, Wayne was a name that commanded great respect. Now all Wayne stands for is a self-centered jet-setting playboy. It's lucky your father didn't live to see what you've done to his good name. He'd have died of shame. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Scarecrow sprays a security guard with gas]'' :'''Guard''': Stop! What the-- No! No, spiders! Get them offa me! No! NO! ''[cowers in fear]'' :'''Anthony''': What did you do to him, boss? :'''[[w:Scarecrow (DC Comics)|Scarecrow]]''': I merely helped him visualize his innermost terror, which is obviously [[w:arachnophobia|arachnophobia]]. :'''Nigel''': A-whack-a-what? :'''Scarecrow''': Arachnophobia! Fear of spiders, you dimwitted dropout! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': It seems I have underestimated the Batman, but at least the University is finished. :'''Anthony''': Gee, boss, I never liked school, but, uh, how come you hate the university so much? :'''Scarecrow''': They tried to destroy me. :'''Nigel''': You mean they kicked you out 'cause you weren't smart enough? :'''Scarecrow''': No, you simpleton! ''[pinches Nigel's broken nose]'' :'''Nigel''': Ow! :'''Scarecrow''': I taught there. I was a professor of psychology, specializing in phobias. Inducing terror has always intrigued me. Even as a boy, I loved to frighten things. People, animals, it was all the same. I became obsessed with fear's crippling power. Later, when I became their leading Professor of Subliminal Psychology at the University, I began performing experiments on fear and its subsequent effects. Dr. Long thought I went too far - he called me a lunatic. So now, they will learn the true nature of horror! :'''Anthony''': ''[to Nigel]'' Wow, he's a real professor. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman has been exposed to Scarecrow's fear toxin]'' :'''Thomas Wayne''': Bruce... :'''Batman''': No... not now... :'''Thomas Wayne''': You are a disgrace! ''[turns into the [[w:Grim Reaper|Grim Reaper]]]'' :'''Batman''': No... You are NOT my father. I am NOT a disgrace! I am vengeance, I am the night. I...AM...'''BATMAN!''' ===''The Last Laugh'' [1.4]=== :'''Summer Gleeson''': I'm here in Downtown Gotham where corporate CEOs have gone stark, raving mad. It would appear that the collapse of the stock market is now imminent. The question is: Will [[April Fools' Day]] mark the end of Gotham City as we know it? :'''Joker''': The only things gaining now are the laughing stocks! ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[After trapping Batman in a sealed garbage can]'' :'''Joker''': I just love these new Ziploc seals! We wouldn't want our little caged rodent to suffocate, so we'll just ''[draws a knife]'' PUNCH SOME AIRHOLES! ''[laughing, he stabs holes in the can, with Batman being forced to dodge each one]'' Okay, Captain! Give 'er the old heave-ho! ''[Captain Clown salutes and throws the can into the river, where it starts to flood and sink]'' Oops! Looks like our airholes are waterholes too! ''[smirking at the viewer]'' What a shame! ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Justice is served hot, Batman! You're going to melt just like a grilled-cheese sandwich! :''[The Joker tries to send Batman falling into the furnace with a cascade of garbage, but Batman escapes and swings to safety on his grappling hook]'' :'''Batman''': Justice ''will'' be served, Joker. :'''Joker''': Service with a SMILE?! ''[tosses a razor card at Batman, who dodges it just in time]'' :'''Batman''': Clean up your act, Joker. :'''Joker''': Oh, that's a joke, right? Batman finally told a joke! ''[laughing, the Joker draws another card and flings it, but Batman catches it with a smirk. With a gasp of shock, the Joker tries to flee, but gets his food caught on a cable and he ends up dangling over the furnace]'' BATMAN! YOU WOULDN'T LET ME FRY, WOULD YOU?! ''[Batman leans on the railing, pretending to consider it] '''BATMAN!''' [Batman pulls him up]'' ===''Pretty Poison'' [1.5]=== :'''Dent''': So, what do you think? :'''Bruce''': Does she have a sister? :'''Dent''': Nope. Pam's one of a kind. That's why I asked her to marry me. :'''Bruce''': ''[spits out his water upon hearing this]'' WHAT?! :'''Dent''': Yup, that's the page one headline. Hey... is it starting to get warm? :'''Bruce''': You're still flushed from that last kiss. Harvey, you just met her last week! :'''Dent''': And I already know she's the one. Gosh, it's hot in here... :'''Bruce''': Marriage is a major step, Harvs. Don't you think you're rushing it? :'''Dent''': No way. The moment I laid eyes on Pam, her love hit me right in the face. ''[falls right into the food he ordered]'' :'''Bruce''': ''[laughs]'' Harvey, you've lost your mind. Knock it off. ''[sees him unresponsive]'' Harv? Harvey! ''[Later sees Harvey carried into an ambulance and climbs inside]'' Hang on, Harvey. Hang on. <hr width=50%"/> :'''Bullock''': So what'd you put in this mousse?! :'''Chef''': Chocolate, sugar, eggs, cream... :'''Bullock''': STRYCHNINE?! :'''Chef''': No, no, no strychnine. But I added just a pinch of vanilla. :'''Bullock''': ''[turns to a waiter, frustrated]'' You know who did it?! TALK! :'''Waiter''': Hey, I just clean the dishes, okay? <hr width=50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[chuckles]'' Batman! A late night rendezvous? To what do I owe the honor? :'''Batman''': ''[struggling against Ivy's giant flytrap]'' Harvey Dent! :'''Poison Ivy''': Oh, the poor district attorney. I hear he's not expected to live. Oh, it's so sad... ''[feigns crying, which quickly turns to insane laughter]'' :'''Batman''': Why, Isley? :'''Poison Ivy''': Oh, please, call me Poison Ivy. You see, Harvey had to pay for his crime. :'''Batman''': What crime? :'''Poison Ivy''': Why, murder, of course! Plowing up a field of beautiful wildflowers for that silly penitentiary of his. This little rose would be extinct today if I hadn't saved my precious from those horrible bulldozers! The blood of those flowers are on his hands! ''[calms down after her tantrum]'' So his fate was sealed ''[applies lipstick]'' ...with a kiss. And now, so is yours. ''[Ivy's plant holds Batman still as she kisses him; he tries to spit away the poison]'' Oh, what's wrong? Afraid I have cooties? ''[laughs]'' Oh, now you've gone and hurt my feelings. Too bad. I was going to share the antidote with you. ''[opens a bottle and waves it under his nose]'' Lovely fragrance, don't you think? ''[applies a drop to her face]'' I call it "Rose From the Dead". <hr width=50%"/> :''[In a cell in Arkham]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': They can bury me in the ground, as deep as they like. But I'll grow back. ''[to her rose]'' We ''always'' grow back. Don't we, baby? ===''The Underdwellers'' [1.6]=== :'''Sewer King''': Lesson number one is: NOOOOO TAAAALKING! Children are to be seen and not heard. We are the Underdwellers. We are the silent ones. We follow the invisible creed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sewer King''': Frog! The rolls, if you please. :''[Another boy nervously steps over with them; the Sewer King grabs his wrist angrily]'' :'''Sewer King''': You're not Frog! Where is he?! He's not here! ''[smacks the bowl of rolls away]'' NOT HERE! And after all I've done for you ungrateful little monsters! I took you in when nobody else would have you! It is I who care for you! I who provide for you! And only I WHO KNOWS WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU! Would you rather I sent you back into the light? Back to those who hurt you, and sent you away? :''[The children tearfully shake their heads; the Sewer King pushes the dinner table over with a loud crash]'' :'''Sewer King''': THERE WILL BE NOTHING TO EAT UNTIL FROG IS FOUND! NOW OUT WITH YOU! ''OUT WITH YOU!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I don't know what kind of barbarian did this to you, but it's over. And from now on, you'll be treated like human beings. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sewer King''': ''[clapping]'' Bravo. Bravo. You've caused me great distress, you evil bat, yes, yes, yes, you have! You've hurt my pretty pets, and you've frightened my beloved children! :'''Batman''': ''[incredulous and disgusted]'' "Beloved children"?! :'''Sewer King''': Yes! I feed them, I clothe them, I discipline them, and I teach them a trade! And now, I will teach ''you'' something! :''[He stamps on Batman's hands, but Batman swings under the pipe and kicks him from behind, causing him to fall off]'' :'''Batman''': Grab my hand! :'''Sewer King''': ''NEVER!'' :''[He falls into the water, where the alligators close in and seemingly devour him]'' :'''Batman''': A gruesome fate for a gruesome man. :''[He hears the Sewer King laughing, and sees him with the alligators, unharmed]'' :'''Sewer King''': I rather enjoyed it! I told you, they're my pretties! ''[pets one, laughing]'' Have a nice swim! :''[Batman swings over to chase him, narrowly missing the alligators' jaws]'' :'''Batman''': Later. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman pulls the Sewer King out of the way of an oncoming train]'' :'''Sewer King''': Why? Why?! ''Why?!'' :'''Batman''': ''[seething with anger]'' I don't pass sentence. That's for the courts. But this time - ''this time'' - I am ''sorely tempted'' to do the job myself! ===''P.O.V.'' [1.7]=== :''[after Batman grapples up a crane with Officer Montoya to safety]'' :'''Batman''': Are you alright? :''[Machine gun bullets hit around Batman and Officer Montoya, causing both of them to duck]'' :'''Officer Montoya''': Dandy. :'''Batman''': Then don't go away. :'''Officer Montoya''': ''[Batman leaves as more machine gun bullets hit. Montoya stays down]'' Count on it. <hr width="50%"/> :''[after Commissioner Gordon congratulates Officer Montoya for foiling the dock heist with Batman's aid]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': I have to hand it to you, Montoya. You and the Batman really turned this thing around. :'''Patrolman Wilkes''': Yeah, what a [[wikt:collar|collar]]! You didn't just bust 'em, you put the whole gang out of commission. ''[Lieutenant Hackle appears to accuse Montoya]'' :'''Lieutenant Hackle''': What collar? She's suspended! ''[Gordon angrily grabs Heckle]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': This [[wikt:farce|farce]] has gone far enough, Hackle! We apprehended the suspects and recovered our money. The investigation is closed! ''[He grabs three confiscated police badges out of Hackle's suit pocket and shoves him aside. He hands the badges to Officer Montoya]'' Officer Montoya earned this collar. :'''Officer Montoya''': The collar belongs to all three of us, Commissioner. It was a team effort. ''[Montoya accepts hers and hands Wilkes back his badge]'' :'''Patrolman Wilkes''': Gee... thanks, partner! :'''Detective Bullock''': ''[grumbling under his breath]'' Yeah, yeah... :'''Officer Montoya''': What was that, Bullock? ''[happily gives badge to Bullock]'' :'''Detective Bullock''': ''[reluctantly hesitates, accepts his badge]'' I said... Thanks a lot, Montoya. ===''The Forgotten'' [1.8]=== :'''Bruce''': What is this? :'''Smith''': If it's moving, it's a rat. If it isn't, it's a cooked rat. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': ''[Alfred flies the Batwing to the tracking device's location]'' This must be the place! Bring us down! :'''Batwing Computer''': Negative. :'''Alfred''': ''[pressing buttons madly]'' But Master Bruce is down there! We HAVE to land! :'''Computer''': Impossible. Area too confined. :'''Alfred''': ''[pounds the console]'' Land, you bucket of bolts! :'''Computer''': Your funeral. :'''Alfred''': Oh, dear...! ''[The Batwing flies down abruptly. Bruce, escaping the mine, sees the Batwing fly over]'' :'''Bruce''': ''[Smiles]'' Son of a gun! :''[The Batwing reaches a flat area near Bruce and lands. The cockpit opens.]'' :'''Computer''': Watch your step. :'''Alfred''': ''[tumbles out, dazed]'' [[w:Juan Rodriguez Cabrillo|I-I-I claim this land... for Spain]]. ''[collapses]'' ===''Be A Clown'' [1.9]=== :'''Jordan''': How can I get to be a great magician like you, Jekko? :'''"Jekko"''': Well, there are three steps! Step one: run away. Step two: find a magician with a great act. And step three: ''steal it.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Summer Gleason''': ''[reporting on TV]'' Denying reports of a bomb blast at his son's birthday party, Mayor Hill insists the explosion was caused by faulty electrical wiring. :'''"Jekko"''': Yeah! RIGHT! ''[laughs]'' :'''Summer Gleason''': The Mayor declined, however, to confirm that his son Jordan was missing. :'''"Jekko"''': Missing? :'''Jordan''': ''[coming into view]'' It's me, Jekko. I ran away. :'''"Jekko"''': You did '''WHAT?!?''' :'''Jordan''': I want to be a magician, like you. :'''"Jekko"''': Why, you... ''[laughs]'' Well, kid, you got step one right! Come on in. I've been thinking about a protege. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman is trapped inside a tank filled with water, complete with a straitjacket and leg restraints]'' :'''"Jekko"''': For your viewing pleasure, we present... the infamous water tank trap! The great [[w:Harry Houdini|Houdini]] survived such a test. Dare we demand less of the Batman?! :'''Jordan''': I don't like this, Jekko... :'''"Jekko"''': Quiet, kid, it's a free ticket. :''[Batman manages to free the sleeves of the jacket]'' :'''Jordan''': ''[clapping]'' He did it! He got free! :'''"Jekko"''': They don't make straitjackets like they used to. ''[grinning]'' I should know... :''[Batman wriggles out of the jacket and undoes the leg restraints, but struggles to break the glass]'' :'''Jordan''': He can't get out! What's the trick? :'''"Jekko"''': That's just it! THERE IS NO TRICK! :'''Jordan''': No! He'll drown! :''[Jordan grabs an axe and strikes the side of the tank to try and free Batman, but "Jekko" takes the axe away]'' :'''"Jekko"/Joker''': That's why they call it a finale! ''[throws down the axe and discards his Jekko the Clown mask]'' Now sit down and enjoy the show! ===''Two-Face Part 1'' [1.10]=== :''[Dent's raid on Thorne has been aborted by the judge due to supposed lack of reliable evidence]'' :'''Dent''': No! NO! '''I SPENT ''THREE MONTHS'' ON THAT RAID!''' He can't overturn! The fool! HE'S ''BEEN BOUGHT! LIKE ALL THE REST!'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[tries to restrain him]'' Harvey, please try to calm down. This sort of behavior doesn't run well with the voters- :'''Dent''': ''LET GO OF ME, YOU RICH TWIT!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dent''': Stealing someone's psychiatric file is pretty low, Thorne! Even for a swine like you! :'''[[w:John Vernon|Rupert Thorne]]''': But it makes for such fascinating reading. Listen to this, boys. Says here that when Harvey was a little boy, he was bothered by a bully. Every day the bully would bug him after school, until one day little Harvey got so mad, he slugged him one. :'''Thorne's Thugs''': Oooh! :'''Rupert Thorne''': Of course, the bully ran away, which made little Harvey very proud. Until he heard that the bully was in the hospital. :'''Candace''': That was some punch. :'''Rupert Thorne''': ''[chuckles]'' That's what Harvey thought. Except the guy was in the hospital for appendicitis! ''[chuckles again]'' But poor Harvey felt so guilty, he never showed his anger again. And that was the start of "Big Bad Harv". :'''Dent''': What do you want? :'''Rupert Thorne''': Just a few favors from the D.A.'s office. :'''Dent''': You're dreaming. :'''Rupert Thorne''': Otherwise, as a concerned citizen, I'd be compelled to give this to the press. After all, the people of Gotham have a right to know the kind of person... or should I say "persons", they've elected. So, what do you say, Harvey? Do we have a deal? :''[Harvey's face has contorted in building rage the entire time, but suddenly relaxes into deceptive docility]'' :'''Dent''': There's just one problem. :'''Rupert Thorne''': What's that? :'''Dent''': ''[in Big Bad Harv's voice]'' '''''You're talking to the wrong Harvey.''''' ===''Two-Face Part 2'' [1.11]=== :''[In a nightmare, Harvey is being chased by a dark shadow. He suddenly realizes he is standing on a collapsing wooden bridge]'' :'''Harvey Dent''': Stay back! ''[the shadow reveals itself to be Batman, pleading for Harvey's help]'' :'''Batman''': Harvey, please, let me help you! :'''Harvey Dent''': You?! You saw what was happening! You knew that something was terribly wrong with me! I thought you were my friend! You should have been able to help me--but you didn't! ''[Harvey covers his face with his two hands, now transformed into Two-Face]'' :'''Two-Face''': ''NOW LOOK AT ME!!'' :'''Batman''': But I tried, Harvey. I... ''[the bridge pulls itself apart, causing Two-Face to fall off]'' Harvey! :'''Two-Face''': ''[Plummets into an abyss of glowing red light] WHY COULDN'T YOU SAVE ME...?!!'' :''[Batman looks down the edge and gasps with horrified shock. He instead sees his late parents Thomas and Martha Wayne underneath a single lamppost. They both raise their heads in sadness]'' :'''Thomas Wayne''': Why couldn't you save us, son? :''[Bruce wakes up, sweating with fear. He then turns to a photo of Two-Face from a newspaper]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': So what are you dreaming tonight, Harvey? Peaceful dreams? Nightmares? Maybe both at once. Sleep well, my friend. Whether you are, whatever you've become... I ''will'' save you. I swear. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Two-Face''': This is my world now. A dichotomy of order and chaos - just like me. :'''Grace''': Harvey, what's happened to your mind, your feelings? You used to listen to your feelings. :'''Two-Face''': ''[flipping his coin]'' This is what I listen to now. ''Chance,'' Grace. Chance is everything. Whether you're born or not, whether you live or die, whether you're good or bad... it's all arbitrary. :'''Grace''': That's nonsense, Harvey. Was it chance that made you District Attorney? Was it chance that made you fall in love with me? Take control of your life, Harvey. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Two-Face grabs a tommy gun and aims at a defenceless Thorne]'' :'''Rupert Thorne''': No! Two-Face, don't! ''[to Batman]'' You can't let him! :'''Grace''': Harvey! What are you doing?! :'''Two-Face''': Taking control of my life. :'''Batman''': Let the law handle it. :'''Two-Face''': "The law"?! ''[takes out his coin]'' Here's the only law! The law of averages! The great equalizer! :''[Two-Face flips the coin, but Batman throws out a crate of other coins, and Two-Face's is lost among them as they spill out]'' :'''Two-Face''': ''[horrified and panicked]'' NO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! ''[searches through them frantically]'' My coin! Where is it?! I can't decide without...! Oh no, it's ''gotta'' be here, it's ''gotta! [shrieks with anguish]'' '''''I HAVE TO HAVE IT!!!''''' :''[He continues to scream, swiping the coins aside before collapsing in tears; Grace gently comforts him]'' :'''Grace''': It's all right now, Harvey. I'm here. ===''It's Never Too Late'' [1.12]=== :'''Father Michael Stromwell''': Arnold? That's one soul I wish I could give up on. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arnold Stromwell''': I don't need your help! :'''Michael Stromwell''': Is that a fact? An empire crumbling? A marriage shattered? A son lost? Sure, you're doing fine. ===''I've Got Batman In My Basement'' [1.13]=== :''[after Penguin's goons successfully steal a [[w:Fabergé egg|Fabergé egg]] on a tall building]'' :'''Goon 1''': ''[chuckles]'' A piece of cake, just like the boss said. :'''Goon 2''': Yeah, all it took was five minutes. ''[Batman makes his surprise appearance to the goons]'' :'''Batman''': And that'll get you five ''years''... ''[pause]'' with good behavior. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Be-fowled by a couple of fledgelings! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Grant''': Sherman, what are you doing down there? :'''Sherman''': Nothing, Mom! :'''Mrs. Grant''': You're not trying to make gunpowder again, are you? :'''Sherman''': No, Mom! Honest! :'''Roberta''': We just saved Batman's life, Mrs. Grant, and now we're hiding him from some bad criminals. :'''Mrs. Grant''': That's good, just don't make a mess. ''[leaves]'' :'''Sherman''': Nice going, Miss Big Mouth. :'''Roberta''': ''[shrugging]'' Sorry, Sherman, I guess I panicked. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Gentlemen - and I use the term loosely - after you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Eurgh, how bourgeois. Tearing this place apart could only improve it! Let the egg hunt begin! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Grant''': Young man, you've got some serious explaining to do! ''[sees Batman and the defeated Penguin and gasps]'' :'''Sherman''': Err, Mom, I'd like you to meet Batman. Batman, this is my mom. :'''Batman''': Ma'am. :'''Mrs. Grant''': Oh, hello... :'''Sherman''': Say, Batman, you wouldn't be single, would you? ===''[[w:Heart of Ice (Batman: The Animated Series)|Heart of Ice]]'' [1.14]=== :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[gazes at the ballerina snow globe]'' This is how I'll always remember you. Surrounded by [[winter]] forever young, forever beautiful. Rest well, my love. The monster who took you from me will soon learn that [[revenge]] is a dish... ''[opens his eyes through his red goggles]'' best served '''cold'''. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman infiltrates an office in GothCorp headquarters and sees a classified file with a videotape and medical records of a woman named Nora Fries. He plays the tape on a nearby VCR]'' :'''Victor Fries''': ''[on the tape]'' My name is Doctor Victor Fries. I am recording what I pray would be mankind's first step toward immortality. ''[camera pans to a large machine with a glass capsule and a woman inside it]'' Behind me, you see the CC-100, a cryogenic freezing chamber of my own design. I created it for the express purpose of freezing subjects stricken with inoperable ailments. Subjects like... my own beloved wife, Nora. Once a remedy has been found-- ''[reacts to a loud banging on the door]'' :'''Ferris Boyle''': ''[Behind the door]'' Open this door! Open it now! ''[A security guard kicks the door down, Ferris and another guard step into the room. Boyle confronts Fries angrily.]'' Get away from that equipment! ''[Orders his guards]'' Shut this stuff down. :'''Fries''': ''[Panicked]'' Stop! This is my experiment! :'''Boyle''': Your ''unauthorized'' experiment. I ordered funding suspended weeks ago! I'm already three million in debt thanks to you! :'''Fries''': You can't stop it now! My wife is in there! :'''Boyle''': So bring her out! :'''Fries''': You can't interrupt the process now! :'''Boyle''': ''[unmoved; to guard]'' Open it. :'''Fries''': ''[desperately holds on to Boyle]'' It's her only chance! :'''Boyle''': ''[shrugs off Fries]'' This is MY equipment! ''MINE!'' I have every legal right to use it or not use it as I see fit. I say this project ends ''now!'' :'''Fries''': ''[grabs pistol from security guard and aims it at Ferris]'' '''NO!''' Stay away from her, murderer! :'''Boyle''': ''[tries to act charming to Fries]'' Victor... I'm sorry... I lost my temper. It doesn't have to come to this. We can talk! ''[Fries calms down and Boyle kicks him into a table of cryonic chemicals. Victor screams in pain as the cloud of volatile chemicals engulf him. Boyle steps away in fear and runs out of the room with his guards]'' Get out. Get out! :'''Fries''': ''[Clinging to his freezing chamber, screaming through the glass] Nora! NORA...! [passes out. The tape ends]'' :'''Batman''': ''[Horrified]'' My God! :''[A voice rings out--it's Mr. Freeze, who just snuck in the room]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': Yes. It would move me to tears, if I still had tears to shed. ''[freezes Batman with his cryo-gun]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mr. Freeze raids the award ceremony and confronts Ferris Boyle, who is receiving a humanitarian award]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': The cold eyes of vengeance are upon you, Boyle. :'''Ferris Boyle''': Who...who ''are'' you?! :'''Mr. Freeze''': Come, now. Surely you remember your old colleague... Victor Fries? :''[Mr. Freeze aims and fires his freezing gun at Boyle's feet, ice slowly covering up his legs to his waist]'' :'''Boyle''': ''[cries in pain]'' NO! No...! Stop... please... I... b-beg you! ''[Mr. Freeze stops his freezing gun for a moment of clarity]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': You... ''beg?'' In my nightmares I see my Nora behind the glass, begging to me with frozen eyes. How I've longed to see that look frozen on you. :''[Batman batarangs Mr Freeze's cryo-gun and attacks him. Mr Freeze overpowers Batman and throws him off]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': The advanced circuitry that powers my suit also triples my strength! ''[engages Batman, and lifts him off the ground]'' Sooner or later, all who stand in my way must feel the icy touch of death! :''[Mr. Freeze is about to kill Batman, but collapses when Batman smashes his glass helmet with a thermos full of chicken soup given to him by Alfred earlier]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': ''[walks next to Batman]'' Ooh...! What was that stuff? :'''Batman''': The only way to fight a cold. :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[as his suit falters]'' It can't end this way... vengeance...! :'''Batman''': No, ''justice''. A year ago, Ferris Boyle interrupted an experiment, and in the process destroyed two lives. ''[gives Summer Gleeson the tape he found]'' Here's the evidence. ''[walks to a still shivering Boyle; he sneers at Boyle with disgust]'' Good night, humanitarian! ''[walks off]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mr. Freeze is in his subzero cell in Arkham Asylum, gazing into his ballerina snow globe]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': I failed you. I wish there were another way for me to say it... but I cannot. ''[Tears silently slide down his face]'' I can only beg your [[forgiveness]] and pray you hear me somehow, someplace. Someplace... where a warm hand waits for mine. ===''The Cat And The Claw Part 1'' [1.15]=== :'''Stern''': Now if you'll excuse me, I've given you all the time I can spare. :'''Selina Kyle''': You'll find more time for me, Mr. Stern. Before I'm through, I'll have every environmental group and animal rights activist breathing down your neck. They'll be looking at you and your project so closely, you'll feel like a bug in a bell-jar. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You're late. :'''Mob Boss''': Can't you walk up to someone normal-like? :'''Batman''': I hear you have some information. :'''Mob Boss''': Under one condition: Lay off the South Side. :'''Batman''': Keep this up, and I'll be on you from all sides. North, south, east, and west. ===''The Cat And The Claw Part 2'' [1.16]=== :'''Batman''': Red Claw? A woman? :'''[[W:Red_Claw|Red Claw]]''': Do you have a problem with that, Batman? :'''Batman''': Not at all. I'm an equal opportunity crime fighter! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I didn't want you taken away like a common criminal. :'''Catwoman''': So you do care. :'''Batman''': ''[handcuffing her]'' More than you'll ever know. ===''See No Evil'' [1.17]=== :'''Lloyd Ventrix''': See you 'round, Batman! Too bad you can't say the same! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Ventrix, the suit! It's poison! :'''Ventrix''': So what if it is?! I don't care! As long as I have it, I can take my daughter back whenever I want! Her mother won't stop me, AND NEITHER WILL YOU! ===''Beware The Gray Ghost'' [1.18]=== :''[At a video shop, Bruce Wayne asks for Gray Ghost films]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': I'd like the ''Gray Ghost''. :'''Store Clerk''': ''[smirks and walks away]'' Hmm. Name something else. :'''Wayne''': You said you had everything. :'''Store Clerk''': Except the ''Gray Ghost''! Nobody has it! The studio that made the show, Spectra? It burned down 20 years ago. The negatives all went up like kindling, real shame. :'''Wayne''': So the ''Gray Ghost'' doesn't exist? :'''Clerk''': Not anymore. Sorry, pal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Simon Trent''': ''[Hands Batman a film reel with the key the mystery]'' Here's your answer, take it and go! :'''Batman''': I used to admire what the Gray Ghost stood for... :'''Simon Trent''': I'm not the Gray Ghost! :'''Batman''': ''[coldly]'' I can see that now. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the launch of the Gray Ghost videos]'' :'''Bruce''': Could you make this out to 'Bruce'? :'''Gray Ghost''': ''[signing autograph]'' Here you are, Bruce. :'''Bruce''': Thanks. As a kid, I used to watch you with my father. The Gray Ghost was my hero. :'''Gray Ghost''': ''[realizing]'' Really... :'''Bruce''': ''[smiling]'' And he still is. ===''Prophecy Of Doom'' [1.19]=== :'''Nostromos''': I predict... you and I are about to become rich as pigs! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lucas''': No one could've predicted Batman would spot me. Not even the great Nostromos. Besides, how do you know Wayne survived? :'''Nostromos''': The news said he got off the elevator right before it fell, you pathetic amateur! :'''Lucas''': Well, you didn't predict he would ''die'', exactly... ===''Feat Of Clay Part 1'' [1.20]=== :''[About Matt Hagen's repeated use of "Renuyu" to restore his disfigured face]'' :'''Teddy Lupus''': You can't go on like this, Matt. You hurt all the time now. :'''[[w:Clayface|Matt Hagen]]''': ''[irritated]'' You're just my stand-in, Lupus. Nobody promoted you to nursemaid! :'''Lupus''': That stuff makes your face like putty, Matt; it can't be good for ya. :'''Hagen''': It probably ain't good for me. But unless I only want to do ''horror'' pictures, it ain't bad for me either. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Listen up, scumwad, 'cause I'm only gonna ask you once. Who was Lucius Fox meeting at the tram? :'''Raymond Bell''': Wayne... Bruce Wayne! :'''Batman''': You lying sleaze! You wanna rethink that answer? ===''Feat Of Clay Part 2'' [1.21]=== :'''Clayface''': ''[testing his new shapeshifting powers]'' The formula must have soaked every cell in my body. :'''Teddy Lupus''': It's.... It's some kind of miracle! ''[sees Matt change back into Clayface]'' Wha... What are you doing? :'''Clayface''': No. No! You broke my concentration! It won't work, don't you see?! It's too hard! It's like tensing a muscle - I can't keep it up for long! MY CAREER, MY ''LIFE'' - IT ''IS'' GONE! AND I CAN NEVER GET IT BACK! ''[In his rage, Clayface destroys several things in the trailer]'' I'm not an actor anymore! I'm not even... a ''man''! ''[Sobs softly]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Clayface''': Not even the Batman could stop me, Teddy. And that means ''Daggett'' won't have a prayer. :'''Teddy''': Matt, please, you don't wanna do anything crazy. Why don't you try to get some shuteye? :'''Clayface''': ''[growls]'' DON'T YOU DARE PATRONIZE ME!!! I told you I don't need rest! I don't need food! AND I DON'T NEED YOU!!!! ''[grabs Teddy and throws him to a bookcase then walks out the door]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Roland Daggett is at a talk show talking about Renuyu facial cream and the host entertains audience questions]'' :'''Woman''': I'd like to ask Mr. Daggett about the rumors I've heard. I hear he's selling Renuyu through direct marketing because stores won't carry it due to its harmful side effects. :'''[[w:Roland Daggett|Roland Daggett]]''': Well that's, uh, absolutely untrue- :'''Woman''': ''[stands up and approaches him]'' What about the addictive properties of Renuyu, Mr. Daggett? Once you're hooked, you can't stop using it without horrible...''pain''! :'''Daggett''': No! I mean... That's just not so! :'''Woman''': Why don't you show them what an ''overdose'' can do, Daggett?! Why don't you tell them ''[voices goes deeper]'' about ME?! ''[transforms into Clayface]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Batman tricks Clayface into confronting him in a recording room, where he turns multiple screens showing headshots of Clayface's past roles]'' :'''Clayface''': What are you doing?! Stop it! :'''Batman''': Look at them, Hagan. Look at what you used to be. :'''Clayface''': No, no! Turn them off! :'''Batman''': You can play those roles again, Hagan. Let me help you find a cure. :'''Clayface''': ''[begins to shapeshift into his past roles]'' No! Hagan's gone! Make him stop haunting me! ''[begins to uncontrollably shapeshift into his past roles]'' Stop it! Turn them off! I can't control it! I can't be all of them! Not all at once! :''[Batman tries to turn on some more screens, but Clayface knocks him out of the way and smashes the control panels; Clayface yanks off one of the screens and throws it at Batman, who dodges; the screen hits the big screen, causing an explosion; the police arrive to see Clayface in his shapeshifting seizure as he shifts his face into Bruce Wayne]'' :'''Officer''': Mother of mercy! It looks just like Bruce Wayne! :''[Clayface punches through two screens, electrocuting him and reverting back into his true form and he topples over; Batman walks up to Clayface]'' :'''Clayface''': ''[morphs into Matt Hagan]'' You know what I'd have given for a death scene like this? ''[morphs into his scarred form]'' Too bad I won't get to... read the notices. ''[faints and reverts back to his true form.]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Lucius Fox''': I'm just glad to know it wasn't really Bruce Wayne who attacked me. :'''Summer Gleeson''': Thank you, Mr. Fox. All charges against Wayne have, of course, been dropped. And Roland Daggett remains in custody. :''[as Alfred turns off the TV, Batman is experimenting with a piece of Clayface's clay]'' :'''Alfred''': My word, sir. I should think after all this, it would time to rest. :'''Batman''': Look. A piece of clay left behind when they took Hagan's body away. Watch. ''[zaps the clay with electricity, causing it to morph into multiple shapes]'' :'''Alfred''': Electricity has no effect on it? :'''Batman''': Exactly. ''[scene changes to a morgue where a doctor uncovers Clayface's body; voice-over]'' I wouldn't be surprised if the body they took to the morgue was only a shell ''[Clayface's body cracks and crumbles into little pieces]'' Don't forget, first and foremost, Hagan was an actor. ''[scene changes to Teddy outside the hospital]'' He said it himself, Alfred. He called it a scene. Maybe the greatest scene in his career. :'''Teddy''': ''[sadly]'' See you 'round, Matt. ''[walks away]'' :'''Batman''': A death scene so real... it fooled us all. :''[a woman laughs maniacally as her voice grows deeper and her eyes turn yellow, revealing her to be a disguised Clayface]'' ===''Joker's Favor'' [1.22]=== :'''[[w:Joker (comics)|Joker]]''': ''[tosses two pennies on the ground]'' There's your two cents. Now, what are you going to do to me? :'''Charlie''': Listen.... I... O'm sorry, really! I.... I had a bad day. Boss turned down my raise, and... :'''Joker''': Now look, my rude friend! We can't have people cursing at each other on the freeway. It's simply ''not polite''! ''[jumps down and grabs him]'' I'm just going to have to teach you some manners. ''[reaches into his coat]'' :'''Charlie''': Please don't! I have a family, a wife, a little boy! Please! I'll do anything to make it up! Anything! :'''Joker''': Anything, says you? ''[Charlie nods; Joker releases him]'' Okee-dokee! Wallet. :'''Charlie''': Uh, okay. I don't have much cash. :'''Joker''': Oh, please! Don't insult me! ''[takes out driver's license]'' Charles Michael Collins. That's you! Tsk tsk, lousy picture, though. Lousy! Address, height, weight, blah blah blah. ''[tosses the wallet back and keeps the license]'' Righty-o, Chuckers! Here's the deal. I'll let you off if you promise to do a little favor for me. :'''Charlie''': Okay. What? :'''Joker''': ''I DON'T KNOW! I HAVEN'T THOUGHT OF IT YET!'' You just toddle on back to your mundane, meaningless little life, and when I need you, I'll call. Fair? Good? Great! I'll be in touch. ''[walks away, laughing maniacally]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Charlie''': Hello? :'''Joker''': Hello, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': Wrong number, pal. My name is Don. :'''Joker''': Oh, no, no, no. This IS the right number, Charles Michael Collins. Oh, I don't know why you changed your name to Don Wallace and moved your family to 12 Marigold Lane, Springdale, Ohio. One might think you were trying to skip out on our little deal. ''[to Harley Quinn]'' Leave the sideburns. :'''Charlie''': Uh... how did you find me? :'''Joker''': Oh, I never lost you, Chaz. You've become my... HOBBY!! ''[laughs maniacally]'' Now, listen up, Charlie Brown. You're booked on the next flight to Gotham. Tell the family you have to visit a sick friend. Oh, and let's keep this to ourselves, 'kay? Bad things happen to people who gossip, capisce, Carlo? ''[Charlie looks out the window to see Joker's henchmen pull up to his house]'' :'''Charlie''': Yeah... :'''Joker''': Good! See ya! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': You miserable little ''nobody!'' If I get caught, your wife and son are history! :'''Charlie''': You're not getting caught. Not this time. I found this blown out of the van. :''[He pulls one of the Joker's bombs from his jacket, and the Joker looks shocked and afraid]'' :'''Charlie''': This is how it ends, Joker. No big schemes, no grand fight to the finish with the Dark Knight. Tomorrow, all the papers will say is that the great Joker was found blown to bits in an alley, alongside a "miserable little nobody"! ''[chuckles]'' Kinda funny. Ironic, really. See? I can destroy a man's dreams too! And that's really the only dream you've got, isn't it?! :'''Joker''': ''[still scared]'' Look, Charlie, you've had a busy day! All this running around, all this excitement with... ''[yelling out desperately]'' '''''BATMAN!''''' Stop! You... you're crazy! :'''Charlie''': I had a good teacher! ''[chuckles]'' Say goodnight, Gracie! :'''Joker''': ''[terrified, trying to crawl away]'' NO! '''BATMAN! ''BATMAN!''''' ''[sees Batman in the shadows, and gasps with relief and annoyance]'' How long have you been there?! :'''Batman''': Long enough. Put it down, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': You know he'll just escape again! This is the only way my family stays safe! :'''Joker''': All right, you win! Take it easy! ''[surrenders his notebook to Batman]'' Here's everything on his blasted family - names, addresses, it's all there! You're no fun anymore, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': Hey, Joker! ''[throws the bomb at the Joker, who cowers behind Batman - only for the "bomb" to release harmless confetti]'' Gotcha! :''[Batman lets out a short laugh]'' :'''Joker''': ''[dryly]'' Oh, very funny. A million laughs. :'''Batman''': Go home, Mr. Collins. :'''Charlie''': Home. I never thought that could sound so good. I wonder what Bonnie's making for dinner. Right now, anything would taste great. Even meatloaf. ===''Vendetta'' [1.23]=== :'''Batman''': Here's how it works, slimeball. I have questions, and if you have answers, I'll leave you alone. :'''Rupert Thorne''': Oh, I have plenty of answers... thirty-eight caliber answers. Now then, you were saying? :'''Batman''': ''[Using Thorne as a shield]'' I was saying, you'd better hope your men are ''very'' good shots. It's too hot in here. Let's get some air. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Killer Croc''': Terrific. Just what I need now. The freak job in the cape. :'''Batman''': You're no prize yourself. :'''Killer Croc''': ''[strangling Batman]'' What can I tell you now? Being a reptile man ain't pretty... but it's got its upside. Like having the strength of a crocodile, for instance! But I guess you've learned that by now, huh? ''[forcing Batman into the water]'' The hard way. You know, they used to call "Killer Croc" the meanest dude in the Wrestling Federation. Now they'll call him the guy who iced the Batman! :'''Batman''': ''[flip-kicks Killer Croc really hard and gets out of the water]'' Don't hold your breath. ===''Fear Of Victory'' [1.24]=== :'''Mr. Lucky''': Lost? You have that bewildered look, but your sort always does. :'''Thug''': ''[grabs him threateningly]'' I ain't lost. I'm lookin' for you! I wanna know how come you always win, Mr. Lucky. :'''Mr. Lucky''': It's quite simple, actually. I fix the games. :'''Thug''': You can't fix ''all'' those sports. Nobody can! :'''Mr. Lucky''': Oh, ye of little brain, allow me to illustrate. ''[hands the thug an envelope laced in fear toxin]'' Here. You can read, can't you? :'''Thug''': ''[reads it]'' "Boo!" Hey, is this some kinda joke? :'''Mr. Lucky''': It's no joke, I assure you. It's the fear of victory, and the agony of... ''[the thug pulls Mr. Lucky out of the shadows, revealing his true identity]'' '''the Scarecrow!''' :''[The thug gasps in fear, now a victim of his toxin]'' :'''Scarecrow''': So now you understand Step One in how I fix an athletic contest. ''[Scarecrow comes closer to the thug, causing him to fall into some stacks of hay]'' I shall proceed to Step Two! ''[chuckles evilly]'' :'''Thug''': No! NO! GET AWAY! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': There's enough powder in that helmet to panic a pachyderm! He should be postering himself, crying for mercy! :'''Batman''': Change of luck, Scarecrow? :'''Scarecrow''': YOU! :'''Batman''': You're aware that gambling is illegal in Gotham? :'''Scarecrow''': I need the money, Batman! You know the cost of chemicals these days. And it will take much more than this to bring every pathetic person in Gotham to their knees, kissing my feet! ''[reveals a vial of his fear chemical and dangles it above the crowd]'' No closer, Batman! Unless you want a stampede of half-crazed humanity crushing and clawing each other! Now... what guarantee do I have you won't follow me? :'''Batman''': You have my word, Scarecrow. Just don't drop the vial. :'''Scarecrow''': Actually, Batman, I'd prefer a little insurance that you'll be otherwise occupied! ''[drops it]'' ===''The Clock King'' [1.25]=== :'''Fugate''': (after judgment has been passed) No! You can't! I'll be ruined! :'''Judge''': Then perhaps this will teach you to be on time for a change. :'''Batman''': What kind of a saboteur uses a six-thousand dollar Metronex to set a time bomb? :'''Alfred''': A saboteur with too much money? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman:''' Hold it! :'''Fugate:''' Well, well. The Batman. It's about time you showed up! I suppose you want to know why I've brought Downtown Gotham to a standstill, Batman. Hm? Well, let's just say it's because I'm a civic minded citizen with a lot of time on his hands. :'''Batman''': I want some answers, wise guy. Talk! :'''Fugate''': A pity. I don't know what to tell you, Batman - except perhaps that the 9:15 is always six minutes early. :''(He falls off the building and lands safely on the roof of an oncoming train as it speeds away)'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mayor Hill is tied to the hands of a huge clock]'' :'''Clock King''': Comfortable, Hill? Well you won't be for long! At 3:15 on the dot, those hands will come together and you'll be crushed like an insect. 3:15, Hill. Does that time hold any meaning for you? :'''Mayor Hill''': I don't know what you're talking about! :'''Clock King''': You told me to take my coffee break at 3:15. :'''Mayor Hill''': What?! :'''Clock King''': You don't remember?! My ''court date!'' :'''Mayor Hill''': ''[finally realizing]'' Oh my Lord! The lawsuit! Fugate! I swear I was only trying to help! :'''Clock King''': Don't hand me that! You did it on purpose! The plaintiffs were represented by your law firm, Mr. Mayor! :'''Mayor Hill''': But I had nothing to do with that case, Fugate! :'''Clock King''': Not that it matters anymore. Now that you have an appointment to keep, at 3:15 precisely—with the '''Grim Reaper!''' ''[begins laughing maniacally]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I'm here to clean your clock, Fugate. :'''Fugate''': Don't count on it, Batman. When it comes to clocks, ''I'' am king. ''En garde''! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Stop this, Fugate! Hill committed no crime against you! :'''Temple Fugate''': He did worse than that! He made me late! :'''Batman''': Fugate! You can't escape! :'''Clock King''': Au contraire, Batman. You of all people should know, there's always a way out! :''(Fugate begins laughing maniacally as a huge clock wheel falls on him, sending him to his apparent death)'' ===''Appointment In Crime Alley'' [1.26]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': Roland Daggett's up to something, Alfred. :'''Alfred''': That almost goes without saying, doesn't it, sir? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Leslie Thompkins''': This used to be a beautiful street. Good people lived here once. :'''Batman''': ''[placing two roses on the ground]'' Good people still live in Crime Alley. ===''Mad As A Hatter'' [1.27]=== :'''Jervis Tetch''': ''[Discussing the subject of Alice to his lab rats.]'' Of course, intellectually I know it's wrong. After all, she has a boyfriend. Better to withdraw like a gentleman- forget her, turn my heart to other pursuits. ''[Brief pause]'' NEVER! After all, I've created a chip strong enough to control a human brain! It would be so easy to make her forget her boorish beau and love ME! But...that would reduce her to a soulless shell. No...not my Alice. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman has cornered Jervis Tetch, who just subdued Alice with her mindcontrol card and is at a dinner table with him]'' :'''Jervis Tetch/Mad Hatter''': I'll cut that cowl off your neck before you'll take her! I've waited my whole lonely life for her! :'''Batman''': Then all you've waited for is a puppet. A soulless little doll. :'''Mad Hatter''': It didn't have to be this way! You made me do this to her! ===''Dreams In Darkness'' [1.28]=== :'''Batman''': "There's always time to heal", the doctor told me, but he was wrong. There was no time left. Not for me, not for him, and not for Gotham City. And as long as I remained trapped in Arkham, there was nothing I could do, except wait for the end and remember the beginning. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': An entire city, screaming in fear... I wonder if we'll be able to hear it... ===''Eternal Youth'' [1.29]=== :'''Mrs. Thomas''': You wicked, evil- :'''Poison Ivy''': Evil, Mrs. Thomas? I don't control a company that leveled a thousand-year-old forest for a strip mine! THAT'S evil! ''[sprays a gas which causes Mrs. Thomas to become petrified; steals a pair of earrings]'' You and your kind owe Mother Nature a big debt, and I am here to make sure you pay up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': Right now, the bark is merely exoskeletal. It will take months of additional spraying before the transformations become irreversible. But, of course, I have the patience of a redwood. :'''Batman''': ''[snarling]'' And the convictions of a fanatic! :'''Poison Ivy''': Well, if you're not going to be part of the solution, you're obviously part of the problem. Ladies? :''[Ivy's henchwomen begin to spray Batman with the growth formula]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': This spray is triple-strength, Batman! It will start the transformation without any preliminaries! ''[Nothing seems to happen to Batman as he unties his hands]'' He should be sprouting leaves by now! :'''Batman''': ''[Unties his hands and stands up, blocking the spray with his cape as he advances]'' You made your secret too accessible, Ivy! I coated my outfit with a herbicidal antidote! :'''Poison Ivy''': Keep spraying! ''[Violet and Lily back away, still spraying, but Batman subdues them both]'' ===''Perchance To Dream'' [1.30]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[Looking down off the ledge, preparing to jump]'' You're wrong! There IS a way out! :'''Mad Hatter''': Now, now wait just a minute! You don't want to do anything foolish! This isn't an ordinary dream! What if you're wrong?! :'''Bruce Wayne''': '''THEN I'LL SEE YOU IN YOUR ''NIGHTMARES''!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': '''''WHY?''''' Why did you do it?! :'''Mad Hatter''': You, of all people, have the GALL to ask me that? You RUINED MY LIFE! I was willing to give you WHATEVER life you wanted, JUST TO KEEP YOU OUT OF ''MINE!'' <hr width="75%"/> ===''The Cape & Cowl Conspiracy'' [1.31]=== :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Look up "slippery" in the dictionary and you get Josiah Wormwood. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[About the [[w:Bat-Signal|Bat-Signal]]]'' Got a new toy, I see. :'''Gordon''': I figured it might come in handy. ===''[[w:Robin's Reckoning|Robin's Reckoning Part 1]]'' [1.32]=== :''[Robin and Batman are doing a stakeout]'' :'''Robin''': If I knew it was going to take THIS long, I would've brought my homework. You sure about this extortion ring? :'''Batman''': ''[Looking at the construction site through binoculars]'' Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': It's been four hours. :'''Batman''': Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': You still think they'll show? :'''Batman''': Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': Lucky for me, you're such a good conversationalist. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': If you protect him, Stromwell, I'll be very... GRUMPY. [[The Incredible Hulk|You don't want to see me when I'm grumpy]]. ===''[[w:Robin's Reckoning|Robin's Reckoning Part 2]]'' [1.33]=== :'''[[w:Tony Zucco|Tony Zucco]]''': I'm not back in town five minutes - FIVE MINUTES - and he's on my tail. You don't know the Bat. He don't let up! He's the dark angel of death, man, and he wants ME! :'''Mick''': ... Why you, boss? :'''Zucco''': HOW SHOULD I KNOW?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Robin is about to throw Tony Zucco off the pier]'' :'''Tony Zucco''': No, don't! Please... :'''Batman''': Robin! Enough. ''[limps towards him]'' You can't let your emotions get the best of you. :'''Robin''': Stuff your advice, Batman! You and your stone-cold heart! You don't know how I feel. HOW COULD YOU?!? ''[Batman looks at him, and Robin realizes what he said]'' Batman, I didn't mean to... I'm sorry. ''[after he sees the police coming, Robin seemingly readies to throw Zucco off the pier but simply throws him to the ground. The cops arrive and arrest Zucco.]'' You were right, you know, not bringing me along. You knew I'd take it too personally. :'''Batman''': It wasn't that, Robin. It wasn't that at all. Zucco's taken so much, caused you so much pain. I couldn't stand the thought that he might... take you, too. :'''Robin''': ''[putting a hand on Batman's shoulder]'' Come on, partner. It's been a long night. ===''The Laughing Fish'' [1.34]=== :'''Alfred''': ''[seeing Batman with a Joker Fish]'' Dining in tonight, sir? :'''Batman''': ''[sighs]'' The dissection tray, please, Alfred... :'''Alfred''': Any idea what our happy friend is up to now? :'''Batman''': Normal criminals usually have logical motives, but the Joker's insane schemes make sense to him alone. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': Ah-ah-ah-ahem! Look alive, wage slaves. Presenting that caliph of clowns, that mogul of mountebanks, the one and only Joker! :''[The Joker enters, laughing maniacally]'' :'''Francis''': Great Scott! :'''Joker''': Actually, I'm Irish. Good morning, Mister, err, ''[looks at his desk's name plate]'' Francis! Please allow me to introduce my associates. Miss Quinn. :'''Harley Quinn''': ''Enchante''! :'''Joker''': And Messrs, uh... oh, their names escape me for the moment. No matter! We gentlemen of business have arrangements to discuss. :'''Francis''': A... Arrangements? :'''Joker''': ''[drops a Joker Fish onto his desk]'' For my fish, of course! This has all been worked out far in advance, Francis. You are merely the last tiny cog in my grand design! So don't speak to me again, 'kay? Now, what is everyone in town talking about? :'''Francis''': Err... your fish? :'''Joker''': ''[smacks him with the fish]'' I TOLD YOU NOT TO SPEAK! :'''Harley''': ''[sniffs Francis]'' Ooh, fish stink-a-roony! ''[sprays him with a substance from a perfume bottle, making him cough]'' All better! :'''Joker''': As I was saying, since every fish in Gotham now bares my famous and frankly ''fabulous'' face, I should be getting a profit from every fish product sold. ''[one of his thugs pours out a pile of products]'' Let's say a nickel per fish sandwich, fifty cents for sardines - millions of dollars a day to finance my happily hedonistic lifestyle! So which of your tedious copyright forms do I fill out first? You may speak now. :'''Francis''': No one can copyright fish. They're a natural resource. :'''Joker''': But they share my unique face! [[w:Colonel Sanders|Colonel What's-His-Name]] has chickens, and they don't even have moustaches! :'''Francis''': I can't help it, it's the law! :'''Joker''': Oh! Trying to cheat the Joker, are ya?! Well, we'll see who has the last laugh. You have until midnight to change your mind, Francis, or you'll be the poorest fish of all! ''[leaves, laughing madly, with his thugs following]'' :'''Harley''': ''[blows Francis a kiss as she follows]'' Buh-bye! :'''Francis''': He's crazy...! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Francis''': Err, Batman? Why is this happening to me? I've never done anything to this Joker. I'm just a paper-pusher, I can't change the laws. I'm harmless! :'''Batman''': And in his sick mind, that's the joke, Mr. Francis. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Feeling all right? :'''Francis''': ''[scratching himself]'' Oh, sure. It's just that everything's been so crazy today. I haven't even had time to rinse off that gunk the Joker's girl squirted on me... :'''Batman''': ''[to Gordon]'' GET THIS MAN TO A HOSPITAL! ''NOW!'' :'''Francis''': What?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': You're right, Harley. Fish ''are'' disgusting. I think I'll start using my toxin on cattle. Joker Burgers! Ha! Talk about a [[w:McDonald's|Happy Meal!]] <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': ''[after hitting Batman with a big wrench]'' Meanwhile, back at the "wrench"...! Since my sidesplitters don't tickle you, how 'bout a ''skull''-splitter?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After the Joker is seemingly eaten by the shark]'' :'''Harley''': ''[sniffing sadly]'' Oh, my poor, poor puddin'... :'''Bullock''': Come on, he was a demented, abusive, psychotic maniac. :'''Harley''': Yeah... I'm really gonna miss him! ''[sobs into her handkerchief]'' :'''Gordon''': Do you think he's gone for good? :'''Batman''': Believe me, Jim, I wish it were true. But deep inside, I doubt it. ===''Night Of The Ninja'' [1.35]=== :'''[[w:Kyodai Ken|Kyodai Ken]]''': ''[Throwing Bruce]'' Don't be depressed, Wayne-san. You're not bad for a rich man's pampered son. :'''Sensei''': ''[Leaps across room and throws Kyodai]'' There's always someone better, Kyodai. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': His name is Kyodai Ken. He was good. :'''Robin''': Yeah? How good? :'''Batman''': ''[Quickly]'' Good. :'''Robin''': I see. <hr width="80%"/> ===''Cat Scratch Fever'' [1.36]=== :'''Selina Kyle''': Don't tell me you're my very own private probation officer. How often would you like me to check in? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': "Viral Antitoxins". For a plague that doesn't exist, yet, but if the plague is introduced via stray dogs and cats, it will blanket Gotham City within weeks! :'''Roland Daggett''': Days, actually. You know how many strays there are in Gotham, Batman? Three hundred thousand! Imagine if even a tenth of them carried the virus. Not only will this little bottle make me a hero, it'll make me a fortune as well. ===''The Strange Secret Of Bruce Wayne'' [1.37]=== :''[Joker, Two-Face, and Penguin are bidding over Batman's secret identity]'' :'''Two-Face''': $500,000 :'''Penguin''': Poof. Chicken feed. I'll bet a million! :'''Two-Face''': ''TWO'' Million! :'''Strange''': I have two million. Do I hear three? :'''Joker''': Hold it, hold it, HOLD IT! :'''Two-Face''': Get outta my face, clown! :'''Joker''': Which one? :''[An angered Two-Face is about to attack Joker, but Penguin intervenes]'' :'''Penguin''': Gentlemen, it behooves us not to fight amongst ourselves. :'''Joker''': Well put, sardine breath! I think we should ''pool'' our resources on this. $51,240,685! ''[gets out a little coin purse, and pours out some coins]'' And uh, 53 cents. :'''Strange''': Sold! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Strange''': Joker, please! I was set up! Bruce Wayne is Batman! :'''Two-Face''': That's absurd! I know Bruce Wayne. If he's Batman, I'm the King of England! :'''Joker''': And people say I'M crazy! ===''Heart Of Steel Part 1'' [1.38]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': And who's your little friend? :''[Barbara takes a teddy bear out of her purse]'' :'''Barbara Gordon''': Oh, this is Wubby. I've had him forever. Dad won't pick me up at the airport without bringing him along. :'''Commissioner Gordon''': ''[blushing]'' Well... he knows the way better than I do. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': ''[After learning about the AI project]'' Sounds as if the human race could become quite expendable, except for butlers, of course. :'''Batman''': Of course. ===''Heart Of Steel Part 2'' [1.39]=== :'''Randa''': You have immobilized the maker. :'''[[w:HARDAC|HARDAC]]''': His human imperfection endangers the plan. He must be improved upon. <hr width="50%"/> :'''HARDAC''': The maker's concept was sound, but he did not go far enough - which is why I have taken over. ===''If You're So Smart, Why Aren't You Rich?'' [1.40]=== :'''[[w:Riddler|Edward Nygma]]''': ''[Being cheated out of the sales of his game]'' You are a fool, Mockridge, to think you can get away with this! Your amoral greed is no match for an intellect like mine! :'''Mockridge''': Oh, yeah? Then tell me something, Eddie: if you're so smart, why aren't you ''rich?'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman reprograms the Hand of Fate, and uses it to carry himself and Robin to the centre of the maze]'' :'''Riddler''': That is grand-scale CHEATING, Batman! You're not allowed to tamper with the Hand of Fate! :'''Batman''': I don't believe in fate! :'''Riddler''': You probably don't believe in Minotaurs either, but you'll still have to answer the Riddle. :'''Minotaur Robot''': ''I have billions of eyes, yet I live in darkness. I have millions of ears, yet only four lobes. I have no muscles, yet I move two hemispheres. What am I?'' :'''Batman''': ''[pauses in thought]'' That's simple: the human brain. ''[The Minotaur backs away]'' It has billions of optic and auditory nerves, four lobes and two hemispheres, and it's the only thing Edward Nygma respects. :'''Riddler''': A lucky guess, that's all! But it won't save you, Batman! ''[to the Minotaur]'' DESTROY THEM! ===''Joker's Wild'' [1.41]=== :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[as Joker changes the channel in the TV]'' Hey, I was watching that! :'''Joker''': And now you're watching this! :'''Poison Ivy''': Change it back! :'''Joker''': Nope, nope, nope, nope, don't want to. :'''Poison Ivy''': Guard! :'''Security Guard''': What's the problem? :'''Joker''': Don't look now, Sonny Jim, but the plant lady's gone whackers again. :'''Poison Ivy''': He started it! I was just sitting here! :'''Joker''': That's right, you're always blaming me. And the children wonder why we fight! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...the Joker's Wild! :''[Cameron Kaiser cuts the ribbon and unveils a casino with a gigantic Joker head. He is seen spoken to by Summer Gleeson]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': Ugh, that is disgusting! :'''Cameraman''': Psst, Summer! We're on the air! :'''Summer Gleeson''': ''[mortified]'' Oh! Uh... there you have it! Let's get a reaction from the guests. Mr. Wayne? :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[equally nauseated]'' No comment. :'''Summer Gleeson''': Mr. Kaiser, why build a casino seemingly in honor of one of history's most notorious outlaws? :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Summer, please! Wild Joker is a classic symbol, long associated with cards and games. I can't help it if there's a some passing resemblance to some criminal fruitcake. :''[An enraged Joker smashes the television]'' :'''Joker''': How dare that smug, preening fool try to cash in on ''MY'' image! :'''Poison Ivy''': Now who should lighten up? :'''Joker''': Don't get cute with me, Red. He's ripping me off! I'll protest! Yeah! I'll sue! Then I'll rip his lungs out! And I will, too! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': It was a scheme worthy of ''me'', Kaiser, the way you got me riled up and turned me loose on this place! :'''Cameron Kaiser''': You...! You were supposed to destroy the casino! :'''Joker''': Yeah, but then I realized it'd be more fun to get rid of you and run the show myself! :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Bu-But you can't...! :'''Joker''': Oh please, Mr. Kaiser! You of all people should have realized there'd be a Joker in the deck! ''[laughs]'' ===''Tyger Tyger'' [1.42]=== :'''Dorian''': I want to test Tygrus' reflexes and feral strength, and who better to pit him against than you? I'll give you a generous head start before I release Tygrus. If you defeat him, I shall relinquish this, the antigen to reverse Catwoman's mutation. :'''Batman''': How do I know you'll keep your word? :'''Dorian''': You don't. The clock is ticking, Batman. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': So you ''can'' talk. :'''Tygrus''': My father taught me. :'''Batman''': Your father was a test tube. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': Batman! The antidote! I'll be stuck like this forever! :'''Tygrus''': Would that be so bad? You could stay here, with me. :'''Catwoman''': Oh, Tygrus... I can't live like this, I have to be human again. :'''Tygrus''': ''[sadly, taking her hands in his]'' Goodbye, Selina. :''[As he leaves, Catwoman sees that he has given here the serum. She looks overjoyed, then calls out to him]'' :'''Catwoman''': Wait - won't you come with us? There's nothing for you here. :'''Tygrus''': There's nothing for me anywhere. ''[disappears into the falling rain]'' :'''Batman''': ''[in voiceover]'' "[[w:The Tyger|Tyger Tyger burning bright, in the forests of the night: what immortal hand or eye, dare frame thy fearful symmetry?]]" ===''Moon Of The Wolf'' [1.43]=== :'''Professor Milo''': What you're suffering from is an early stage of lycanthropy, more commonly known as werewolfism; for that I have no treatment. However, advanced werewolfism can be cured. :'''Anthony Romulus''': ''[after a wolf howls, Anthony starts transforming]'' Ohhh, you fool! There's no telling what the werewolf might do! :'''Professor Milo''': Hey, ask me if I care. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Do me a favour, shaggy: stay down! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bullock''': No trace of Wolfie! We checked the shoreline for miles! But in four weeks, there's another full moon. Then we'll know for sure. ===''Day Of The Samurai'' [1.44]=== :''[Batman swoops away after rescuing his Sensei's student, Kairi]'' :'''Kairi''': ''[In Japanese]'' Spirit of the bat... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yoru''': If you see Batman, tell him I have great respect for him. :'''Bruce''': Why? He's as much a ninja as Kyodai was. :'''Yoru''': Not so. Batman offered to help his adversary, and a lesser man would have used the secrets of the Onemuri touch against his opponent. Batman is the essence of samurai, Wayne-san. You would do well to remember that. :'''Bruce''': ''[bows]'' Domo arigato, sensei. ===''Terror In The Sky'' [1.45]=== :'''Batman''': Reports of a huge bat creature the size of a man. Remind you of anybody? :'''Alfred''': Present company excluded? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You couldn't leave it alone, could you, March? You've recreated the mutagen. :'''March''': ''[aiming a tranquilizer rifle at him]'' Recreated it? I've ''refined'' it! At night, on my own, so the others wouldn't know. I still believe only a creature like a Man-Bat can survive the next evolutionary cataclysm - and it will! My new serum could be even more powerful than Kirk's! :'''Batman''': ''[after disarming March]'' "''Could'' be"? What do you mean? :'''March''': I needed to test it, but before I had the chance-- :'''Batman''': ''[clearly surprised]'' You mean you ''haven't'' taken it? :'''March''': Of course not! The experimental batch was destroyed. I'll have to-- :'''Batman''': Destroyed? How? :'''March''': I'd been working through the night. I was just completing the final combination. ''[remembers incident at his lab as he drops the beaker of mutagen upon Francine's surprise entry]'' Francine burst in. I was startled. You have to understand I was very tired, I accidentally dropped the beaker. The whole night's work, ruined! Francine never guessed what I was doing, she even helped me clean up the mess. All that... glass! ''[recalls Francine licking her finger after it is pricked by a small shard of glass]'' Oh... oh, my lord... Francine! The mutagen - it's in ''her'' bloodstream now! ''[breaks down at his folly as Batman loads a tranquilizer into a pistol of his and then gives March the formula paperwork]'' :'''Batman''': Is ''that'' what it's going to take? Your daughter's life, before you end this insanity? :''[Later that night, March burns the files]'' ===''Almost Got 'Im'' [1.46]=== :'''Joker''': I want a nice clean game, gentlemen. :'''Penguin''': That'll be a first. So, I hear 'you-know-who' nailed the Mad Hatter last week. :'''Joker''': No kidding. He sure gets around for one guy. :'''Two-Face''': Yeah, well that's where you're wrong. I don't think it IS one guy. :'''[[w:Killer Croc|Killer Croc]]''': Huh? :'''Two-Face''': The way I figure it, Gordon's got a bunch of 'em stashed someplace like a SWAT team. He wants you to think it's one guy, but- :'''Joker''': Meh. You're always seeing double. :'''Penguin''': It's obvious our caped friend suffered some crime-related trauma when he was younger. Perhaps an over-anxious mugger blew off a piece of his face. :'''Joker''': Sure! He could be all gross and disgusting under that mask! ''[as Two-Face crushes a milk carton]'' Uh, no offense, Harv. :'''Two-Face''': Just deal. :'''Killer Croc''': Well, ya know what ''I'' think? :'''Joker''': Not the robot theory again... :'''Killer Croc''': Well, he COULD be. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Two-Face''': Poison Ivy... :'''Poison Ivy''': It's been a long time Harvey. You're still looking...halfway decent. :'''Two-Face''': Half of me wants to strangle ya. :'''Poison Ivy''': And what's the other part want? :'''Two-Face''': To hit you with a truck! :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[to the others]'' We used to date. :'''Penguin/Joker''': Ah. ===''Birds Of A Feather'' [1.47]=== :'''[[w:Penguin (comics)|Penguin]]''': Say, who's there? Two-Face? Croc? Joker, old shoe? :'''Batman''': None of the above, Penguin. :'''Penguin''': Oh no, not you... :'''Batman''': Get used to it. Wherever you go, I'll be right behind you. :'''Penguin''': Precisely where you belong. But you needn't bother. Haven't you heard? I've reformed. Paid my debt to society, and all that. :'''Batman''': We'll see. I just came to tell you to keep your beak clean. :'''Penguin''': ''[grabs a can of rat poison]'' As long as you're here, won't you stay for a cappuccino? :''[Batman gives him an annoyed look before leaving]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Batman defeats a gang of thugs threatening the Penguin and Veronica]'' :'''Batman''': I knew you couldn't stay clean for more than one day. :'''Veronica''': Let him go! He didn't do anything. It was those brutes! :'''Batman''': ''[genuinely surprised]'' He wasn't with them? :'''Penguin''': That's right, you vulgar vigilante! In my day, I associated with a much higher class of riff-raff! :'''Veronica''': I'm so sorry, Ozzie. :'''Penguin''': As long as you weren't bruised, my peach. ''[kisses her hand]'' :'''Batman''': "Peach"? :'''Penguin''': Why don't you be a good masked man and ride off into the night? This time, ''I'll'' clean up after ''you.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Veronica''': Please, Oswald! If it's money you want, I can get you more! :'''Penguin''': ''SHUT UP!'' All I wanted from ''you'', dearie, was a little friendship. That would have cost you ''nothing.'' But now you'll pay! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Veronica''': Oswald? I really was growing fond of you. It's too bad this had to happen. :'''Penguin''': ''[coldly]'' I suppose it's true what they say: society is to blame. ''High'' society. ===''What Is Reality?'' [1.48]=== :'''Batman''': "Where does a 500 pound gorilla sleep?" "What's worse than a millipede with flat feet?" "How do you stuff five elephants into a compact car?" :'''Alfred''': Anywhere it wants, a giraffe with a sore throat, and two in the front seat, two in the back, and one in the trunk. :'''Batman''': Yeah, yeah. I know, I know. Any schoolboy knows those. But brain teasers are the Riddler's M.O. Not corny old jokes like these. :'''Alfred''': Perhaps the questions are the clues, not the answers. For example, they all seem to involve animals. :'''Batman''': Also numbers. A ''500'' pound gorilla. A millipede, meaning a thousand legs. And five elephants. Now let's convert them to Roman numerals. ''[he does, revealing the letters DMV]'' Look! :'''Alfred''': DMV... :'''Batman and Alfred''': Department of Motor Vehicles! :'''Alfred''': But I recall you mentioning he'd already obliterated his records there, so why return? :'''Batman''': For the hard copy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no tales. :'''Batman''': Another riddle, Nygma? :''[Four quarters and a single penny emerge from the return change chute]'' :'''Riddler''': It all makes sense when you add it up! :''[In the Batmobile]'' :'''Alfred''': Four quarters and a penny, sir? :'''Batman''': Penny... Penny... Cent... Red cent... Copper. It's made of copper. :'''Alfred''': And "copper" is another word for a policeman. :'''Batman''': And "no tails" would be heads. Police head... Quarters! :'''Alfred''': Police Headquarters. Bravo, sir! It does make "cents" when you add it up! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': He can't be online! I searched through every file. :'''Riddler''': You searched the software. Had you bothered to examine the hardware you would have discovered a cordless modem line. :'''Riddler''': A pity you can't earn extra lives in this game.Quite an experience being riddled with questions, isn't it, Batman :'''Robin''': Batman don't open that door Crazy Intent means Loco Motion! Batman finds himself on a chessboard: :'''Riddler''':Only Batman can put the King in check and you have to move according to the rules or its the end of the day :'''Robin''':They call you the dark Knight..so you have to move like a knight (If Batman fails to move as a knight it'll be "KNightfall" (!) :'''Riddler''':Careful, vigilante, you know what they say, "Curiosity killed the Bat". :'''Batman''': Can you solve it? :'''Robin''': Are you kidding? You're looking at the guy who solved the Baxter's Box puzzle in 37 seconds! Course, this time I don't have a sledge hammer... After escaping Riddler Virtual realty Traps, Batman tries to rescue Gordon from Riddler :'''Batman''': You may control this world, Nygma, but I still control myself! :'''Riddler''': The name is "Riddler"! Edward Nygma doesn't exist anymore! You may recall that he was once fired by an ungrateful employer! That was a private matter and was meant to remain one! :'''Batman''': Attempted homicide is never a "private matter", Nygma! :'''Riddler''': No, but it would have been if you hadn't interfered and turned Edward Nygma into a fugitive! So I deleted Nygma. Just as I'm about to delete you, Batman. :'''Batman''':Tell me this.. Riddler how can you spread your conscious thirty-two times..and still have the concentration to keep your world together? YOU CAN'T! Batman saves Gordon :'''Riddler''': No....NO..... I can escape that easy...but if the Planet was equitable...I'd still have my old Job....No...wait...I'M ...not Ready.....AHHHHH' :'''Gordon''': But we'll never find him :'''Batman''': I think he left us a clue..."If the planet were equitable, I'd still have my old job". :'''Robin''': Of course. If the "World's Fair," I'd still have my "Ex-position". Oh, give me a break. [Batman, Robin and Gordon find Riddler mind trapped in his virtual realty world] :'''Batman''': Looks like he didn't escape his virtual reality in time. :'''Robin''': You mean he's been trapped inside his own program? :'''Batman''': Could be and how to get him out may be a riddle no one can solve. ===''I Am The Night'' [1.49]=== :'''Batman''': A weary body can be dealt with. But a weary spirit? That's something else. Sometimes, old friend, I wonder if I'm really doing any good out there. :'''Alfred''': How can you doubt it? The lives you've saved, the criminals you've brought to justice-- :'''Batman''': I've put out a few fires, yes. Won a few battles. But the war goes on, Alfred. On and on... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Leslie Thompkins''': You seem quieter than usual tonight. :'''Batman''': Every year, I come here and wonder if it should be the last time. If I should put the past behind me, try to lead a normal life. :'''Dr. Thompkins''': [[George Santayana|Santayana]] says, "Those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it." :'''Batman''': He also said a fanatic is someone who redoubles his efforts while losing sight of his goal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I chose this life. I use the night - I ''became'' the night. Sooner or later, I'll go down. It might be the Joker, or Two-Face, or just some punk who gets lucky. My decision, no regrets. But I can't let anyone else pay for my mistakes. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': "[[Friedrich Nietzsche|When you look too long into the abyss, the abyss looks back through you.]]" Maybe it's time for Batman to return to the night that spawned him, before anyone else gets hurt! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[grabs Wizard]'' Up to your old tricks, I see. How about returning that suitcase to its owner? :'''Wizard''': Hey, man, I ''am'' the owner. :''[Batman, surprised, lets him go]'' :'''Wizard''': Y'know, I was kinda hoping I'd run into you. I'd been in those places like where you left me before. Heard the rap, wasn't impressed. But this time, it made sense. Maybe I was ready to hear it. So I'm heading back home. I guess I kinda owe it to you, Batman. You probably saved my life. I'll bet you hear this all the time. Look, I'm gonna miss my bus, I'll see you around. And... thanks. :''[Batman smiles as he watches Wizard leave]'' ===''Off Balance'' [1.50]=== :'''[[w:Talia al Ghul|Talia]]''': My contact lenses! I lost them when we fell! They counter the distortion effect. Without them, I'm as helpless as you. :'''Batman''': I don't do helpless. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Ra's al Ghul|Ra's al Ghul]]''': So even in defeat, the detective manages to achieve some small measure of victory. As you said, detective: this is not over. ===''The Man Who Killed Batman'' [1.51]=== :'''Joker''': You know, there's just one thing bothering me about your story, Sid. No body. No BATUS DELECTI so to speak. We need to pull a job tonight just to make sure. :'''Murphy, Joker's henchman''': Make sure what, boss? :'''Joker''': ''[surprised by Murphy's question]'' Why that old Batsy's bought the cave of course, and one more thing Murphy.....''[turning more annoyed]'' don't ask stupid questions. ''[pushes Murphy to the hyenas who scratch and lick him crazily, to Joker's satisfaction]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': I'll get the mop. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': When the cops come, stall them for awhile, just until Batman arrives. '' Got it?'' :'''Henchman''': Right, boss. :'''Joker''': ''[to Murphy, still scarred from the hyenas]'' Any questions, Murph? :'''Murphy''': No sir! :'''Joker''': ''[to Sid The Squid]'' Good man. And if Batman hasn't ''really'' gone to his final reward, ''we'll'' see that he gets there! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Dear friends... today is the day the Clown cried. And he cries not for the passing of one man, but for the death of a dream. The dream that he would someday taste the ultimate victory over his hated enemy. For it was the Batman who made me the happy soul I am today. How I agonized over the perfect way to thank him for that. Perhaps with a cyanide pie in the face. Or an exploding whoopie-cushion playfully planted in the Batmobile. But those dreams were dashed by the weaselly little gunsel sitting there in our midst. The cowardly insignificant gonif who probably got lucky when Batman slipped on the slime trail this loser left behind him. This mound of diseased hyena filth who's not fit to lick the dirt from my spats...! But I digress. The time for sorrow has passed. It's time to look to a future filled with smiles. And I'll be smiling again just as soon as we take that man THERE...and slap him in that box THERE...and roll him into that vat of acid THERE! Well that was fun...who's for Chinese?! ===''Mudslide'' [1.52]=== :'''Clayface''': ''[After civilians flee in terror upon seeing his true form]'' That's right, run! Run for your measly lives! Run from Clayface! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Clayface''': You've upstaged me for the last time, Batman. Time to bring down the curtain! ===''Paging The Crime Doctor'' [1.53]=== :'''Rupert Thorne''': You think you iced the Batman, huh? Heh heh heh... Not on your best day, Jake! I'd cover my back if I were you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce Wayne''': Bruce Wayne, Dr. Thorne. Thomas Wayne's son. Did you get my letter? :'''[[w:Joseph Campanella|Matthew Thorne]]''': Yes. Thomas Wayne... :'''Bruce Wayne''': I told you I can help with your legal costs, maybe even put in a good word with the judge. :'''Matthew Thorne''': Yes, but what do you get out of it? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Well, there is something you can do for me. :'''Matthew Thorne''': I knew it! I knew there'd be a catch. Sorry, Mr. Wayne. Matthew Thorne is no longer for sale! :'''Bruce Wayne''': I'm not looking for any illegal favors. :'''Matthew Thorne''': What then? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Something you know. Something only you can give me. ''[pause]'' Tell me about my father. :''[Dr. Thorne grins and camera pans out as he ushers Bruce to resume his seat]'' ===''Zatanna'' [1.54]=== :'''[[w:Zatanna|Zatanna]]''': What do you care about some leggy dame in nylons- or have I just answered my own question? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zatanna''': ''[About Batman's mask]'' What happened that made you put this on? :'''Batman''': A painful memory, and a promise. ===''The Mechanic'' [1.55]=== :'''The Penguin''': ''[furious at his men for stealing the wrong stamps by mistake]'' These are terrible! Terrible! :'''Eagleton''': ''[indignant]'' Come on, boss. Give me a break. We got you the stamps. What more do you want? :'''The Penguin''': ''[tossing the worthless stamps angrily]'' I wanted the rare ones! The reversed Audubons! These aren't worth enough to pay for the repairs to the limousine. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Earl Cooper''': ''[sees the damaged Batmobile]'' You been letting the kid drive again? :'''Robin''': Ha ha. Actually we were playing chicken with a penguin. :'''Batman''': Or three of his men. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Penguin is scrubbing license plates in prison]'' :'''Penguin''': ''[reading one]'' "1 BAT 4U"?! ''[breaks it in anger]'' ===''Harley and Ivy'' [1.56]=== :'''Joker''': NO, we didn't get the diamond! The Dork Knight showed up before we even got to the museum! I had a great shot at him, too. Except... my dear little Harley Quinn handed me the wrong gun! :'''Harley Quinn''': But puddin', it was kinda funny watching you shoot at him with the bang flag! ''[Rocco and Henshaw can't help laughing then stifle it as the Joker glares at them]'' :'''Joker''': ''[turning back to Harley]'' Funny? You presume to tell me what I should think is funny?!? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[Poison Ivy trips the alarm, spoiling and hers and Harley Quinn's separate robberies]'' Nice going, butterfingers! Why not turn on the Bat-Signal while you're at it? :'''Poison Ivy''': I wasn't TRYING to get caught! :'''Harley Quinn''': Could've fooled me! Hey, aren't you that plant lady Poison Oakie? :'''Poison Ivy''': Ivy! Poison IVY, not Oakie! :'''Harley Quinn''': Sorry! Harley Quinn, please to meet ya! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Poison Ivy is about to give an injection to Harley Quinn]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': I hate shots! I hate shots! :'''Poison Ivy''': Now, now. You're not immune to poison like I am, and you won't last ten minutes here in Toxic Acres without my antidote. ''[gives the injection]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': Oooh! Whew, you'd think after livin' with Mr. J, I'd be used to a little pain. :'''Poison Ivy''': Why do you put up with that clown? :'''Harley Quinn''': Don't get me wrong. My puddin's a little rough sometimes, but he loves me, really. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[sarcastically]'' Sure he does. You're just one big, forgiving doormat, aren't you? :'''Harley Quinn''': I am NOT a doormat! ...Am I? :'''Poison Ivy''': If you had a middle name, it would be Welcome. But cheer up, kid. You just need some lessons in good old female self-esteem. In other words, let's play with the boys on ''our'' terms. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': That should keep you big strong men busy while we weak little girls loot your trophy room. :'''Harley Quinn''': Gee, Ives, you got style! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[sighs softly]'' No offense, Ives, but I'm not very hungry. Somehow I don't feel like my old perky self. Something's missing. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[angrily slams her form on Harley's plate]'' Will you stop?! I can't believe you're still mooning over that psychotic creep! :'''Harley Quinn''': Well, maybe I'd feel better if I knew he missed me, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': HARLEY!!! This place is going to blinking blue blazes! Anybody seen my socks?! '''HARLEY!!!''' ''[the hyenas snarl at Joker]'' OH!! They snapped at me! What's going on, Rock? This place is a mess, no one's fed the hyenas and I can't find my socks! Where's Harley?! :'''Rocko''': Y-y-ya canned her, boss. Remember? :'''Joker''': So? She's always come back before. :'''Rocko''': Gee... I guess ya ain't seen the papers then. :'''Joker''': Papers?! What are you babbling about?! ''[snatches the newspaper from Rocko and reads an article of Harley's partnership with Poison Ivy]'' '''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!''''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[to Poison Ivy]'' I remember when I would go driving like this with Mr. J. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[imitating Harley Quinn]'' "Mr. J, Mr. J." Oh, change the record, Harl! You wanna be some wacko's victim the rest of your life?! ===''Shadow Of The Bat Part 1'' [1.57]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[indignant after reading about James Gordon's arrest]'' We'll see about this. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara Gordon]]''': So Batman can't help me? Fine. Let's see what Batgirl can do! ===''Shadow Of The Bat Part 2'' [1.58]=== :'''Two-Face''': Don't get wise with me, Mason. Remember who got you set up as Gordon's assistant? :'''Gil Mason''': Right, Harvey, right. :'''Two-Face''': ''[grabs him]'' Don't call me that! It's TWO-FACE to you, pretty boy! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I should've known it would be Two-Face. It's a perfect two-part plan. He consolidates the gangs while Mason takes over the police. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Gil Mason is about to murder James Gordon to become commissioner, and later mayor]'' :'''Gil Mason''': It's business, Jim. Nothing personal. Matter of fact, I respect you, I do. But a fellow has to take his opportunities where he finds them. And with you out of the way, I'll be mayor inside of a year! :'''Gordon''': You're SICK, Gil! ''[glances at Two-Face]'' A lot sicker than him! At least I can see his bad half! :'''Mason''': Sorry you feel that way. At least you won't have to worry about Barbara. I'll take good care of her. She's very fond of me, you know. :'''Gordon''': You piece of scum! I may not be able to stop you, but I know someone who will! :'''Mason''': I wouldn't get your hopes up. You see, there's been a recent decline in the bat population... ===''Blind As A Bat'' [1.59]=== :'''Penguin''': Your aim appears to be a little off today, Batman. I don't think you could hit the broad side of a barn, let alone the broad side of this bird! You're blind as a bat. Sightless and helpless. :'''Batman''': You've got ''one'' right. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': You have a call on your private line. :'''Bruce''': Then let's go! :'''Alfred''': In your condition, sir? :'''Bruce''': If you think a little inconvenience like this is going to stop me... :''[he knocks over a lamp]'' :'''Alfred''': Indeed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': ''[contacting Mayor Hill's office from the Raven]'' Quite a machine, this Raven. Amazing what its communications equipment can do. Don't you agree? You've received my instructions? :'''Mayor Hill''': They arrived by messenger this morning. You know, one-hundred million is a a lot of money. It'll take time to raise that much. :'''Penguin''': You're stalling, Hill. Obviously, you're not taking me seriously. I've warned you not to make that mistake. Apparently, I'll have to show you why. :''[shuts off communication and Hill angrily snaps his pencil in half]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Hill''': Just what I was afraid of. According to the controller's office, we can't come close to putting that ransom together. Not without shutting down basic municipal services. :'''Detective Bullock''': So what other options do we got? :'''Batman''': ''[emerging from the shadows]'' None, gentlemen. Which is why you're going to do exactly what the Penguin wants you to. ===''The Demon's Quest Part 1'' [1.60]=== :'''Ra's al Ghul''': As [[W:Napoleon|Napoleon]] told me, "A strong will can fuel a frail physique." <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Look at it, detective. One of the last of the rainforests. The world depends upon its oxygen, yet the rich see only profit in its destruction. You, who belong to the overclass, have much to answer for. :'''Batman''': Bruce Wayne donates millions of dollars a year to preserve these forests. :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Which are being depleted at the rate of 120,000 acres a day. Does your money solve this problem? No! It will take more than wealth. It will take power, and I fear, ruthlessness. Humankind must be forced to serve the planet instead of its own appetites. :'''Batman''': And you're the one who'll do the forcing? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': I am... qualified, yes. But I may not have sufficient lifetimes left to me. ===''The Demon's Quest Part 2'' [1.61]=== :'''Ubu''': Infidel! :'''Batman''': If you only knew how sick I am of you calling me that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ra's al Ghul''': The material of the Pit is an unknown chemical stew that bubbles to the Earth's surface only in certain key places. Even now, my people are placing bombs, such as that one, over the various Lazarus Pits around the world. These bombs are electronically linked to a private satellite already in Earth orbit. :'''Batman''': ''Orpheus''. :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Precisely. And at the moment when sun and moon are in proper alignment to cause the greatest upheaval in Earth's geomagnetic field, I shall send a signal to that satellite, beginning a countdown. Five minutes thereafter, one bomb will be lowered deep into the heart of each Pit. The satellite will in turn relay a microwave signal that will detonate all the bombs simultaneously. The multiple explosions will result in a global chain reaction. All the Lazarus Pits throughout the world will overflow. The globe will be saturated with their chemical solution, and when the resultant cataclysm has abated, there will come a blessed peace, and this poor, defiled planet shall find itself restored to its former pristine glory. :'''Batman''': But that will cost countless lives! :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Actually, Detective, we ''have'' counted: Two billion, fifty-six million, nine hundred and eighty-six thousand! A most impressive plan, would you not agree? :'''Batman''': Yes... I can see it clearly now for the first time. You are completely out of your mind. ===''His Silicon Soul'' [1.62]=== :'''Rossum''': You don't understand. You're not a man's mind in a robot's body. You're a robot. Period. :'''Bat-Duplicant''': You're lying! It's not possible! I know my family and friends! I remember names, faces, birthdays! I have memories! A past! :'''Rossum''': You have information. Data. Nothing more. Do you remember your first kiss? Your favorite song? The last time you tasted a really good steak? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[about the duplicant]'' Could it be it had a soul, Alfred? A soul of silicon, but a soul nonetheless. ===''Fire From Olympus'' [1.63]=== :'''Stavros''': Please! It's not what you think. I wasn't going to say anything. Honest! :'''[[w:Maxie Zeus|Maximillion "Maxie" Zeus]]''': Silence! First, you transgress against me. Then, you force me to descend to the mortal plane. And now, you tell me I know not what I think?! :'''Stavros''': No! :'''Zeus''': To the depths of Tartarus with you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zeus''': You bore me with these tales of petty human concerns. :'''Clio''': ''[annoyed]'' You're doing it again, Max. :'''Zeus''': You are Clio, my muse of history. Amuse me with tales of ancient times when mortals trembled at the name of Zeus. :'''Clio''': You want a story? I got one. Seems there was this guy named Max who, because he'd been lucky so far in the smuggling racket, believed himself to be untouchable, superior, godlike... :'''Zeus''': There's a cynical edge to your voice I don't appreciate. Know you not, I am above mortal constraints of right and wrong? :'''Clio''': No one is above the law, Max. :'''Zeus''': I make my own laws! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zeus''': Begone, Lord [[w:Hades|Hades]]. Get thee back to thine own realm. Do not come again to Olympus until bidden! :'''Batman''': I think I get the message. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Clio''': ''[telling Batman about Zeus]'' He wasn't always this way, you know. But then business got bad and he started handling cargo for the mob. After a while, with the pressure, the tension... things got confused. He's not living in the real world anymore. ''[awkwardly]'' Maybe you can relate to that? :'''Batman''': ''[after a short silence]'' You're the only one who can get me close enough to help him - while some of the man you knew still exists. ===''Read My Lips'' [1.64]=== :'''Batman''': How do you think I found this place? The phone book? I had help. ''Inside'' help. :'''[[w:Ventriloquist (comics)|Scarface]]''': My premonition! I knew I was right! Which one of you louses is it?! :'''Rhino''': It ain't me boss! :'''Scarface''': I know it ain't you, Rhino! You're too stupid to be a traitor! :'''Rhino''': Thanks, boss. :'''Scarface''': But whoever it is, they're gonna pay big time! Who is it?! You don't talk, you get the ultimate massage! :'''Batman''': And if I tell? :'''Scarface''': Maybe you just get run over by a truck. :'''Batman''': Tempting, but no. :'''Scarface''': Have it your way. Rhino! :''[Rhino gets ready to pull the lever to lower Batman to a pit of mannequins with razor-sharp fingernails]'' :'''Batman''': Hold it! :'''Scarface''': This is gettin' old, Bats. Last chance, who's the traitor? :'''Batman''': Him! The Ventriloquist! :''[everyone glares at the Ventriloquist]'' :'''Ventriloquist''': No, no! He's lying! I told you when he came into my room! :'''Scarface''': So what? Maybe you did 'cause I had ya cornered. Heard ya talkin' to Batman. :'''Batman''': ''[uses his own ventriloquism to imitate the Ventriloquist]'' Shut up, you blockhead! :'''Scarface''': WHAT DID YOU SAY?! :'''Ventriloquist''': It wasn't me! I didn't say that! My lips didn't move! :'''Scarface''': So what?! You're a ventriloquist! You're also a lyin' yellow liver-bellied two-face! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, Scarface! I'm loyal! I'd never! :'''Batman''': He's been feeding me information, in return for legal protection. ''[imitates the Ventriloquist again]'' You're going up the river, sawdust-for-brains! :'''Scarface''': Why, I oughta...! Waste the floor-flusher! Come on, I gave an order! ICE HIM! DO IT! DO IT NOW! :'''Muggsy''': But, boss, we ventilate the Ventriloquist, your, y'know... :'''Scarface''': I'M SURROUNDED BY TRAITORS! Okay, fine. Ya want something done right, do it yourself! ''[aims his gun at the Ventriloquist]'' ===''The Worry Men'' [1.65]=== :'''Veronica''': If ever someone led a worry-free life, it's you, Bruce Wayne. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce''': Tell me, Alfred: what's an ancient Mayan witch doctor doing on a Gotham skyscraper? :'''Alfred''': This isn't one of those Riddler questions, is it? :'''Bruce''': No, but it's just as confusing. <hr width="50%"/> :''[As Batman attempts to escape from his guillotine]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Oh, you're a clever one! But I will not be denied! As the great [[w:Lewis Carroll|Lewis Carroll]] said: "[[w:Jabberwocky|One, two, one, two, and through and through the vorpal blade went snicker-snack! He left it dead, and with its head, he went galumphing back!]]" <hr width="50%"/> :''[Freed from his mind control, the Mad Hatter's jaguar gang turn on him]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Stop! :'''Shaman''': Yes, stop. Leave him to the police. :'''Mad Hatter''': Thank you. Thank you, you generous, forgiving, ''[draws a gun from his hat]'' noble fool! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': I must say, after all the Hatter put him through, that fellow showed remarkable restraint. :'''Bruce''': When everything was said and done, all the shaman really wanted was to go home. In fact, I hear he even sent the Hatter a farewell gift. :''[The Hatter is seen tossing and turning in bed in Arkham]'' :'''Bruce''': Something to ensure that Jervis Tetch only dreams of a good honest life from now on. :''[A Batman doll is revealed from under the Hatter's pillow]'' ==Season 2== ===''Sideshow'' [2.1]=== :'''Killer Croc''': You know, there's something the brains back at the joint didn't think about. :'''Prison Guard''': Yeah, what's that? :'''Killer Croc''': Crocodile's got the strongest jaws of any animal around. ''[bites his handcuffs in half]'' :'''Prison Guard''': ''[spits the coffee out of his mouth and pins Croc with the shotgun]'' Get back! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman arrives with his shadow. Goliath wakes up and Batman covers Goliath's mouth by calming him down]'' :'''Batman''': Calm down, I won't hurt you. I'm just looking for someone: half man, half crocodile. ''[Goliath looks over worriedly]'' He's in there, isn't he? :'''Goliath''': ''[Pushes Batman to the cage]'' No! Stay away! ''[Holds him against it]'' He's one of us. Croc, run! :'''Batman''': ''[Kicks Goliath into the stomach]'' I don't wanna hurt you. :'''Goliath''': Don't worry, you won't. ''[Hits Batman with the big punch and Batman and Goliath starts fighting]'' :'''Killer Croc''': ''[Comes out of the house]'' You. ''[Gives Batman a spear]'' :'''Billy''': Richard, help! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Billy the Seal Boy''': Why, Croc? Why'd you turn on us like that? We could have helped you, we could have done something. :'''Killer Croc''': You said you can be yourself out here, remember? Well, I guess that's what I was doing - being myself. ===''A Bullet For Bullock'' [2.2]=== :'''Bullock''': Let's get something straight from the get-go. I think you're a freak and a menace, and those are your ''good'' points. But the commish says you serve a purpose, so I go along. :'''Batman''': I appreciate your honesty. What's the problem? :'''Bullock''': Somebody's got it in for me. Tried to give me a fender massage last night. It ain't the first time. Last week too. :'''Batman''': Any suspects? :'''Bullock''': So many, they could have their own zip code. I've put a lot of guys away, and they hate me for it. Looks like one of them hates me enough to do something about it. :'''Batman''': Why me? Why not just go to the department? :'''Bullock''': I step on a lot of toes. I don't want Internal Affairs looking at me too close. They might find some things I don't want found. :'''Batman''': Are you on the take? :'''Bullock''': Watch it, freak! I never took a dime from nobody! I just bend the rules a little sometimes, you understand. We're not all that different. :'''Batman''': We're on the same side, but we're ''not'' the same. I'll help you find out who's after you, but you've got to collar them clean. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': We ''are'' speaking of the same person, are we not? Harvey Bullock? The detective who looks like an unmade bed? :'''Batman''': The same. :'''Alfred''': He came to ''you'' for help? It must be serious. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Montoya''': Bullock? You okay? You don't look so good. I mean, you never look good, but today you look worse. :'''Bullock''': After fifteen years working in this cesspool, I'd like to see how good ''you'' look! <hr width="50%"/> :''[In the Batmobile]'' :'''Bullock''': Nice starship you got here. What's this for? ''[points towards a button]'' :'''Batman''': Passenger ejector seat. :''[Bullock withdraws nervously, while Batman smirks slightly]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bullock''': By the way, I still think you're a freak, but... thanks. ===''Trial'' [2.3]=== :'''Two-Face''': Basic fifty-fifty option. You get him off, you both go free. He goes down, you take the fall with him. :'''Mad Hatter''': Amusing idea, what? Kidnapping you to be Batman's attorney? :'''Two-Face''': Personally, I suggested a quick slug between the eyes... but I lost the coin toss. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarface''': Court is now in session! The Good People of Arkham Asylum vs. the Self-Righteous Vigilante Called Batman! Our prosecutor is ready, likewise our fair and impartial jury. :'''Mad Hatter''': Hang him! :'''Harley''': Shoot him! :'''Killer Croc''': Hit him with a rock! :'''Scarface''': And now, all rise for the most honorable, most benevolent, most merciful Judge Joker! :'''Joker''': GUILTY! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I was promised a chance to defend my client! :'''Joker''': Oh, very well. Like it'll make a difference. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I suppose that you, like your friends, claim that Batman ''drove'' you to be a criminal? :'''Mad Hatter''': He did. :'''Janet Van Dorn''': And yet, as I recall in your case, you brainwashed and kidnapped a woman who rejected you. :'''Mad Hatter''': Batman forced me to do it! He was going to take her away from me! I had no choice! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': You could have respected her wishes and left her alone. :'''Mad Hatter''': I'D HAVE KILLED HER FIRST! ''[gasps and covers his mouth, then turns to the Joker]'' I'd like that last statement stricken from the record, please. :'''Joker''': Record? Is someone supposed to be writing this down? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': And so it's Batman's fault you lead a life of crime? :'''Poison Ivy''': He should have let me bump off Harvey Dent. We'd all have been better off - wouldn't we, Harv? :'''Two-Face''': ''[muttering while flipping his coin]'' Why, you rotten little... :'''Janet Van Dorn''': But Miss Isley, isn't the real motivation for your crimes your obsession with plants? That you prefer them to people? :'''Poison Ivy''': I love plants, honey, but a rose is a rose. :'''Janet Van Dorn''': Then it doesn't bother you when someone, let's say the judge here, ''[plucks the flower from the Joker's robe]'' ruthlessly ''plucks'' a defenceless flower from the warm green earth? :'''Poison Ivy''': No! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': Even knowing he's given it his death sentence? That its petals must die? ''[starts pulling its petals out]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': Stop it...! :'''Poison Ivy''': One by one, withering, falling. One by one till it's all gone, ''honey.'' :''[She crushes the flower so that it crumbles apart. Ivy shrieks with rage and attacks her, and the Scarecrow and Mad Hatter rush in to restrain her]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Miss Ivy, please! :'''Scarface''': You look beautiful when you're angry. :''[Ivy smacks the Ventriloquist in the face, and Scarface laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I used to believe Batman was responsible for you people. But now I see nearly everyone here would have ended up exactly the same, Batman or not. Oh, the gimmicks might be different, but you'd all be out there in some form or another bringing misery to Gotham. The truth is, ''you'' created ''him.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Well done, counsellor. You've proven that Batman ''didn't'' create us - that we, in fact, messed up our own rotten lives! And as we are so rotten, vile and depraved... we're going to waste you anyway! :''[The inmates cheer and close in on Batman and Janet]'' :'''Joker''': [[w:Porky Pig|A-bi-a-bi-a-bi, that's all, folks!]] ''[bangs down a rubber chicken]'' Let's mambo! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I see now there's a need for the things you do. But I'm still going to work towards a city that doesn't need Batman. :'''Batman''': ''[smiling]'' Me too. ===''Avatar'' [2.4]=== :'''Lucius Fox''': Without a doubt, this will be one of the best museum exhibitions Gotham City has ever seen. You can be quite the humanitarian on occasion, Bruce. It's commendable. It's inspiring. :'''Bruce''': It's deductible. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce''': You've got a serious priority problem, Ra's. What can be in that tomb that's more valuable than the love of your daughter? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Power, detective. The power once held by almighty Thoth-Khepera, Queen of Two Continents. :'''Bruce''': You surprise me, Ra's. The world's oldest chauvinist chasing after a woman? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Thoth-Khepera was not simply a woman, detective, nor merely a ruler. Through her flowed the power of the gods. With no more than a gesture, she controlled the force of life and death, and with it, she kept a nation under her thumb for one thousand years. :'''Bruce''': You sound like a bad Saturday afternoon serial, Ra's. This is sheer nonsense. :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': No, detective - I know there is a power there to be tapped! My six hundred years of life are proof of that power. :''[Bruce and Talia are trapped in a glass booth]'' :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Farewell, detective. Farewell, Talia. It is said that one finds one's immortality in one's offspring. Alas, I know that to be a lie. ===''House and Garden'' [2.5]=== :'''Batman''': She's done nothing more incriminating than return an overdue video - even paid the late fee. :'''Alfred''': Could it be Ivy truly has reformed? :'''Batman''': I want to believe it. Why can't I? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You haven't changed a bit. :'''Poison Ivy''': Yes, I have. I meant it when I said I wanted a family that loves me. I just wanted it on my terms. :'''Robin''': Lady, you're nuts! :'''Poison Ivy''': Well, that's ''your'' opinion. Probably the last one you'll ever have, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': I'm just sorry she got away. :'''Batman''': Me too, Robin. But I don't think we'll see her again anytime soon. :''[The real Ivy is shown escaping on a plane out of Gotham, looking through a scrapbook]'' :'''Batman''': Ivy lost everything she had, everything she said she ever wanted. For what it's worth, I believed her when she told me that for the first time in her life... she was happy. :''[Ivy sheds tears as she looks at a photo of her wedding]'' ===''The Terrible Trio'' [2.6]=== :'''Warren''': Is this all you do for kicks, Bruce? Charity work? :'''Bruce''': Well, I do have a night life. Pull! ''[shoots down a clay pigeon]'' Besides, it's important to help others. It may sound corny, but hey, it's how I feel. :'''Warren''': You must recognize that you are a superior animal, Bruce. A member of the elite. Pull! ''[shoots down another clay pigeon]'' Take my Delta brothers and me. Why, we've run with the bulls! :'''Armand''': Shot game from hot air balloons! :'''Gunther''': Killed a great white! :'''Warren''': We've done it all. Ah, therein lies the problem. After all, what do the rajas do when there are no more tigers to hunt? :'''Bruce''': I'm sure you'll think of something, Warren. ''[leaves]'' :'''Warren''': Dollar for dollar, that has to be the dullest man in Gotham City. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Scoundrels like these are worse than the Joker. At least he's got madness as an excuse! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Let's go, Fox. You've raided your last chicken coop. :'''Warren''': Wait, wait a minute! We can make a deal! A million dollars to let me go! ''Ten'' million! Think about it. Buys a lot of Batarangs! :'''Batman''': ''[unimpressed]'' Your money's no good here. :'''Warren''': Okay, fine! Go ahead, take me in, hero! I've got every judge in town in my pocket! You'll see! I'll get justice! The best that money can buy! :''[Next, Warren is seen being ushered into a cell at Stonegate, where his burly new cellmate gives him a menacing look]'' ===''Harlequinade'' [2.7]=== :'''Harley''': ''[in handcuffs]'' I sense a lack of trust. :'''Robin''': Are you sure you don't need help keeping Zippy under control? :''[Harley picks the lock on her cuffs while Batman speaks]'' :'''Batman''': I'm fine. Besides, I need you to be ready if Gordon's men get any leads. I'll signal if there's trouble. :'''Robin''': You got it. :'''Harley''': I wanna listen to the radio! ''[reaches for the controls]'' :'''Batman''': DON'T--! :''[Harley Quinn deploys a parachute, causing the Batmobile to swerve wildly. When the Batmobile stops, Batman is furious]'' :'''Harley''': ''[timidly]'' Oops... :'''Batman''': Listen, and listen good. You don't touch anything, say anything, or DO ANYTHING UNLESS I TELL YOU! GOT IT?! :'''Harley''': Yes, sir. :'''Batman''': ''[turns away, Harley begins making faces at him]'' So far, Joker hasn't been seen in any of his old hideouts. I want you to show me the last place he used when he escaped. ''[catches her making a face, which she replaces with a sheepish grin]'' :'''Harley''': Okay! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Instead of taking you, the cops, and the Batman down separately? I'm gonna blast you all at once! ''[takes out his phone and speaks into it]'' Send down the plane, boys! We're blowing town! Literally. ''[gets off the phone]'' :'''Mayor''': But all those innocent people... :'''Joker''': Some joke on them, eh? Think of it as the ultimate punchline! Ha ha ha ha ha! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': It's lucky you were here, Quinn. The countdown sequence didn't leave Joker enough time to swing by Arkham and pick you up. :'''Joker''': Quiet, brat. :'''Harley''': You ''were'' gonna come for me, weren't you, Puddin'? :'''Joker''': Of course, pumpkin-pie! It's just that... well, here you are, so I can, err, save myself the trip! :'''Harley''': But what about all our friends, Ivy and Two-Face and... Hat-Guy and Lizard-Man and Puppet-Head and-- ''[Joker shoves her into the plane]'' :'''Joker''': What about them? :'''Batman''': Don't forget your little pets! :'''Harley''': ''[gasps]'' The babies! We can't leave the babies! :'''Joker''': ''[shoves Harley into the plane again]'' I'll buy you a goldfish! Let's go! :'''Harley''': ''[struggling]'' NO! :'''Joker''': Why, you little...! :''[Harley kicks him in the face]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley''': ''[points the gun against Joker]'' Freeze, clown! :'''Batman''': Quinn, stop! :'''Harley''': He's mine, Bats! :'''Joker''': ''[grinning]'' You wouldn't dare. You don't have the guts! Not in a million years would you-- :''[Harley pulls the trigger - and a flag that reads "Rat-Tat-Tat" comes out of the barrel. The Joker stares at her for a moment, and throws his arms wide to embrace her]'' :'''Joker''': Baby, you're the greatest! ===''Time Out Of Joint'' [2.8]=== :'''Mayor Hill''': You! How did you get past-- :'''The Clock King''': Good evening, Mayor! Nice to see you again too. And whose life are you ruining now? A poor pensioner? A malnourished orphan, perhaps? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Hill''': Please, Fugate, don't hurt me! :'''The Clock King''': If it's any comfort, my revenge will encompass more than just you. I intend to pass a most timely sentence on the entire judicial system. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': It's a shame that you've decided to keep this device a secret. :'''Dr. Wataki''': It would seem that the world is not quite ready for it yet. :'''Robin''': Gee, that's too bad for Fugate. I'm sure he'll wish he had something to make the days pass quicker where he's going. ===''Catwalk'' [2.9]=== :'''Scarface''': Calm down, pussycat. We're all friends here. ''[to the Ventriloquist]'' Dummy, don't keep our pretty guest in the dark. :'''Ventriloquist''': Yes, sir, Mr. Scarface. ''[turns on the lot, revealing him and Scarface]'' :'''Scarface''': Ah, that's better. :'''Selina Kyle''': ''[gasps]'' You gotta be kidding! ''[laughs]'' :'''Scarface''': What's she laughin' at? My fly ain't open, is it?! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, sir. :'''Scarface''': So what's the gag? :'''Selina Kyle''': Oh come on, you know! ''[in a goofy voice]'' "What's the gag?" :'''Scarface''': ''[aims his gun at Selina]'' Can it, sister! This is Scarface you're dealing with, and I don't stand for no disrespect. :'''Ventriloquist''': I'd do as he says, ma'am. Mr. Scarface can be quite insistent. :'''Scarface''': I don't think anyone's talking to you! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, sir. No, sir. :'''Selina Kyle''': Right... so, what do you want with me? :'''Scarface''': My boys happened to be in the museum when they saw your little set-to with Miss Ronnie V. They also seen you licking your whiskers at the sight of Ronnie's pretty sparklers. :'''Selina Kyle''': You're boring me, log. :''[the Ventrloquist pulls out an envelope from his coat]'' :'''Scarface''': So what if I could provide you with a foolproof plan to snatchin' those rocks with no risk of you gettin' caught? :'''Selina Kyle''': Pass. Kitty's been staying it at night. It's not the greatest, but it beats the pound, if you know what I mean. :'''Scarface''': Now, that's a darn shame. And I thought for sure you'd want a chance to get even with the Vreelands. Not just for yourself, ya understand, but for all those poor little stuffed critters what never had the chance to fight back. :'''Selina Kyle''': Oh, barf. :'''Scarface''': It's a 50/50 cut. Take it or leave it? You in or what? :''[Selina thinks about it for a while then picks up the envelope]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': What a pleasant surprise. Though I should warn you - breaking and entering is against the law. :'''Batman''': You would know. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarface''': [[w:Tweety|I thawt I thaw a putty tat!]] <hr width="50%"/> :''[Catwoman crushes Scarface under some logs]'' :'''Catwoman''': That's one way to remove a splinter. What's wrong, Ventriloquist? Cat got your tongue? :'''Ventriloquist''': Please, I never hurt you! Scarface, he's another person, not me, really! :'''Catwoman''': But he's inside you somewhere. And I'm going to keep scratching until I find him. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': [[w:Just So Stories|I am the cat who walks by herself.]] ===''Bane'' [2.10]=== :'''Thorne''': You almost didn't get paid. You're lucky these diamonds didn't get nabbed in the smuggling bust. :'''[[w:Bane (comics)|Bane]]''': No, Mr. Thorne. You are the lucky one. ''[He punches the punching bag across the room]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': He wrecked my car, Alfred. Between two guys, that's ''real'' personal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bane''': Toys. You try to fight me with pathetic little TOYS. You've got nothing! Beg for mercy! SCREAM MY NAME! :'''Batman''': Never. :'''Bane''': You are beaten! Now I will break you! ===''Baby-Doll'' [2.11]=== :'''Robin''': ''[on "Love That Baby"]'' I remember this show from when I was a kid. It still stinks. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At Wayne Manor, Summer Gleeson is on the telephone talking to Marv Wolfman at her office.]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': I don't care what Mayor Hill says. The people have a right to know, and if he won't talk to us-- ''[Batman drops a photo of Baby-Doll onto her desk]'' I'll call you back, Marv. ''[to Batman and Robin]'' Since when are you interested in has-been actors? :'''Batman''': Since that one's been kidnapping her co-stars. :'''Summer Gleeson''': You're serious? :'''Robin''': She's been picking them off, one by one. Any reason she'd have a grudge? :'''Summer Gleeson''': Actually, ''they'' should hate ''her.'' Dahl put them all out of work when she quit the series to become a "dramatic" actress. :''[Summer plays a video of Mary Dahl playing Lady Macbeth]'' :'''Mary Dahl''': What, will these hands never be clean? Here's the smell of the blood still. All the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand. :'''Robin''': Pee-yew! :'''Summer Gleeson''': That's what the critics said. Baby's dramatic career flopped, and when she tried to start her TV show again, the networks turned her down. :'''Batman''': That still doesn't explain why she's after her old cast. :'''Robin''': ''[picks up a cassette]'' Maybe there's a clue in these old episodes. :'''Summer Gleeson''': You can borrow them if you want. And when you crack the case, you can pay me back with an exclusive... ''[turns to see that they have gone]'' interview. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': Naughty, naughty, Daddys! Mustn't yell at your Baby like thats. :'''Tod Baker''': You're not my daughter, and we're not a family! We're actors, remember?! You cancelled our show because you whined you weren't getting enough attention! :'''Baby-Doll''': ''[putting on a sad face]'' But I knows now I made a boo-boo! ''[sniffles and breaks character]'' It was hard for me out there. I studied and trained and auditioned, but no one wanted me. ''[plays the sound of a crowd going "Aww..." on her tape recorder]'' Over the years, I remembered how happy I was with all of you around me, and the folks at home watching me each week. Me, ''[goes back into her "cute" voice]'' Baby-Doll! ''[giggles]'' Now I'm Baby for good, and everyone will love me agains! Hugs, hugs! :''[Her goons force the actors to share a hug with her, and she plays the "Aww..." again]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': ''[watching episodes of Baby Doll's old TV show]'' Remember that time Poison Ivy nearly smothered us in those vines, with the ''really'' sharp thorns? :'''Batman''': Yes. :'''Robin''': This is worse. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': ''[after her TV brother is rendered unconscious by her bodyguard]'' Sorry I had to play roughs, Tippy. I didn't mean to. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': ''[Mariam kicks Robin around]'' Wow, lady! You're good! :'''Mariam''': It's a living... <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman pursues Baby-Doll in a funhouse tunnel maze]'' :'''Baby-Doll''': Silly Mr. Batman can't catch me! :'''Batman''': Don't run away! I know you're scared, confused - I can help you! :'''Baby-Doll''': Liar, liar, cape on fire! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': Game's over, Mr. Batman! ''[laughs]'' I WIN! ''[Batman fires his grappling gun, knocking the doll-gun down a slide]'' No fair! ''[runs to retrieve it, and stumbles into a room full of fun-house mirrors. Picks up the gun, wandering through the various distorted reflections, until she comes to one that shows her as an adult]'' Look! That's me in there. The ''real'' me! There I am... ''[touches the reflection, and her face changes]'' ...But it's not ''really'' real, is it? Just... made up and pretend, like my family and my life and everything else! ''[turns to face Batman, who stands behind her]'' '''''WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST LET ME MAKE-BELIEVE?!''''' ''[fires at mirrors, and cries after breaking the mirror with her adult reflection. Batman approaches her]'' I didn't ''mean'' to... ===''The Lion And The Unicorn'' [2.12]=== :''[Alfred breaks a chair over a thug's head.]'' :'''Robin''': And here all I thought you dusted was furniture. :'''Alfred''': A [[w:Louis XV|Louis Quinze]]; what a pity. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred Pennyworth''': ''[after being drugged with a truth serum]'' You'll get nothing but gibberish out of me, madam. I come from haunts of cootenfern and knicker sudden Sally. Uh... dee-dum dee-dum dee-dum dee-dum, and bicker down the valley. :'''Red Claw''': And people wonder why no one takes Britain seriously anymore. ===''Showdown'' [2.13]=== :'''Sheriff''': Well, well. Jonah Hex, his own bad self. Been here five minutes and you ain't killed nobody nor set nothin' on fire. Slippin', ain't you? :'''[[w:Jonah Hex|Jonah Hex]]''': I'm still a little bushed. :'''Sheriff''': Fact is, you look a little past it, Hex. Not tired, just all used up. :'''Hex''': Well, when I get pushed, I can still shoot a fly out from between its wings. Provided the light's right, of course... and it's a big ''plump'' fly. :''[The sheriff glances down at his own portly figure. Two other bargoers retreat outside, sensing trouble.]'' :'''Sheriff''': I ain't got nothin' on you, Hex... yet. Just remember, them wanted posters say "dead or alive". You might try "alive" this time. :'''Hex''': First time for everything. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duvall''': It would appear we have ourselves a government spy. A rather disreputable-looking one at that. Well, Mr. Spy, I'd say your plan has failed, and the railroad is doomed. :'''Hex''': I ain't no spy! I'm Jonah Hex, and I don't give a tinker's cuss about no railroad. I've come to get ''you'', Arkady Duvall, on account of what you done to that girl back east. :'''Duvall''': ''[chuckles]'' You mean to say, you've tracked me across ''twelve states'' because of that? :'''Hex''': Well, there's also the matter of a 200 dollar reward. That part don't hurt my feelings none. :'''Duvall''': You're either a liar or a fool. :'''Hex''': I've been known to be foolish, but ain't ''nobody'' calls me a liar and goes to bed happy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hex''': Now! Let's you and me dance. :'''Duvall''': You cannot defeat me. I am a Heidelberg fencing champion. :'''Hex''': My heart's all a-flutter. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duvall''': Five thousand in gold, take it. Leave me be. :'''Hex''': It ain't about money, boy. It's about justice. And I aim to serve you some. :'''Duvall''': Let me live, please! :'''Hex''': I will. Only because it's too much trouble to haul your stinkin' carcass back east. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You left Duvall to his fate a century ago. Why come back for him now? :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Did you really think, detective, that in my six hundred years of life, I would have sired only ''one'' offspring? Even before the Phoenix debacle, I had come to realize that Arkady was too unbalanced and cruel to wisely rule my empire. :'''Batman''': But you couldn't forget about him. :'''Ra's al Ghul''': What father can ever forget his son? Come now, detective, I've still a few good years left. We will cross swords another day. But for now, let me take my boy home. ===''Riddler's Reform'' [2.14]=== :''[After learning about the theft of historical antiquities on TV]'' :'''Riddler''': ''[in Bruce's memory]'' Those are things of the past, Batman. Ancient history that's gone now. I'm a new man! But you probably won't figure that out before it's too late! ''[laughs]'' :'''Bruce''': ''He'' did it. :'''Dick''': Who? :'''Bruce''': The Riddler. Remember what he said: "Things of the past." "Ancient history that's gone now." Look! :'''Dick''': Gee, I don't know. His riddles aren't usually that subtle. Besides, he's got a multimillion dollar deal with that toy company. Why would he throw it away over some stupid riddle crime? :'''Bruce''': Because that's the way his warped mind works. He's obsessed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': He's right, you know. :'''Manny''': Who? :'''Riddler''': Batman. He ''is'' going to catch me, sooner or later. :'''Manny''': Gee, boss, you're scaring me. You're talking kinda crazy. :'''Riddler''': DON'T YOU ''EVER'' CALL ME THAT! I fooled the police, the doctors, the Parole Board - all of them! There's only one person who's ever been able to challenge me: ''BATMAN!'' He's the only one worthy of the game! :'''Manny''': But you said sooner or later he's gonna catch you. What are you gonna do? :'''Riddler''': I'm never going back to Arkham! So I guess there's only one thing to do! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': Hello, Batman. This is it: the end of the game. I'm a little sad actually. You were a worthy opponent. But then, I told you I'd make a ''killing'' at the Toy Fair! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': ''[ranting in a cell in Arkham]'' It's IMPOSSIBLE, I tell you! Impossible! My trap was perfect! How did he do it?! I have to know! SOMEBODY TELL ME! IT'S NOT FAIR! THERE WAS NO WAY, I TELL YOU! NO WAY HE COULD HAVE GOTTEN OUT! SOMEBODY TELL ME! DO YOU HEAR ME?! SOMEBODY TELL ME HOW HE DID IT! I HAVE TO KNOW! '''''I HAVE TO KNOOOOOOOOOW!!!''''' ===''Second Chance'' [2.15]=== :'''Penguin''': And what might ''you'' be doing out there? Catching insects for dinner? :'''Batman''': I'm looking for Two-Face. :'''Penguin''': What, did you lose him? ''[chuckles]'' :'''Batman''': Somebody kidnapped him from Gotham Central tonight. You and he had a disagreement sometime ago, didn't you? :'''Penguin''': It's true. Harvey stole a rare ''avis'' right out from under my beak several months ago. A jewel-encrusted statuette of a two-headed [[w:roc (mythology)|roc]]. It was worth millions. But, my dear rodent, I'd never kidnap a fellow rogue out of his sickbed. It just isn't done. :'''Batman''': Honour among thieves? :'''Penguin''': Absolutely. If I were going to attack Harvey, I'd do it face to face... to face, heh, so to speak. Like THIS! ''[laughs and unleashes his birds on Batman]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You may as well come out. I know everything now. :''[A man emerges, his identity obscured by shadows]'' :'''Batman''': You hated Harvey Dent, and would do anything to destroy him. :''[Lightning flashes, revealing the man to be Two-Face himself]'' :'''Two-Face''': Why not? He was going to destroy me. Just like I'm going to destroy you! ''[attacks him]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Harvey, pull yourself up! :'''Harvey''': I can't! I'll drop the coin! :'''Batman''': Drop it! Save yourself! :'''Harvey''': I... I don't know what to do. The coin won't tell me! :'''Batman''': It can't tell you anything! I switched coins when you grabbed me! :'''Robin''': ''[swings and kicks the thugs out of Batman's way]'' Good thing I decided to tag along after all. :'''Batman''': It's a trick coin! It'll always land on edge! It's ''your'' decision now, Harvey! Life or death? The coin or me? :''[Robin threw the batarang to hit the elevator button to send the thug in an elevator, thunderstruck and Harvey/Two-Face decided to drops the coin]'' :'''Harvey''': Batman, help me. :''[Batman tries to give Harvey a hand, but Two-Face suddenly regains control]'' :'''Two-Face''': Never! ''[punches Batman and falls]'' :'''Batman''': ''HARVEY!!!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harvey''': ''[seen in half-shadow, making him appear to once again be Harvey Dent instead of Two-Face]'' Bruce? Good old Bruce. Always there. You never give up on me. :''[Bruce Wayne smiles and pats Harvey's shoulder before he is escorted away]'' :'''Dick''': He's right. You're always there for him. :'''Bruce''': Yes, just like you're always there for me. :'''Dick''': Hey, what are friends for? ===''Harley's Holiday'' [2.16]=== :'''Scarecrow''': I am the Master of Fear! The Lord of Despair! Cower before me in witless terror! :'''Harley''': Hi, Professor Crane! :'''Scarecrow''': ''[Smiling fondly]'' Good evening, child. ''[To Batman and Robin, furiously]'' Worship me, you fools! Worship me! Scream hosannas of anguish to Scarecrow, the all-terrible God of Fear! ''[Guards take him away]'' :'''Robin''': I think he's getting better. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley''': I'm having a BAD DAY! I'm sick of people trying to shoot me, run me over and blow me up! I didn't even get to keep my new dress - I ACTUALLY PAID FOR IT! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman and Robin take Harley back to Arkham]'' :'''Harley''': ''[sadly]'' [[w:To market, to market|Home again, home again, diggity dig...]] :'''Dr. Joan Leland''': Not for too long, though. Ms. Vreeland dropped the kidnapping charges. With a little more hard work, you should be ready to re-enter society for good. :'''Harley''': Yay... ''[to Batman]'' There's one thing I've gotta know. Why'd you stay with me all day, risking your butt for someone who's never given you anything but trouble? :'''Batman''': I know what it's like to try and rebuild a life. ''[takes her dress out of a bag]'' I had a bad day too, once. :'''Harley''': ''[takes the dress, smiling]'' Nice guys like you shouldn't have bad days. ===''Lock-Up'' [2.17]=== :'''Scarecrow''': Don't take me back there, please! Look at me, Batman! I'm shaking with fear! Me! The Scarecrow! I wasn't even going back to crime this time! I just had to get away from... HIM! :'''[[w:Lock-Up (comics)|Lyle Bolton]]''': I'll take it from here, Batman. Lyle Bolton, Chief of security. Congratulations, Professor Crane. You're the first inmate to escape Arkham under my charge. ''[He grabs Crane by the collar; Crane whimpers]'' You're also the last. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bartholomew''': Miss Quinn? Do you have any complaints against Mr. Bolton? :''[Lyle Bolton sneers threateningly at Harley Quinn]'': :'''Harley Quinn''': I got nothing to say. :'''Bartholomew''': But surely you must have something you wish to- :'''Harley Quinn''': You got a hearing problem or something?! NO! NADA! IXNAY! ZERO! ZILCH! BUPKES! NOTHING! OKAY?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': He threatens us! Takes away our privileges, even when we're good! :'''[[w:Lock-Up (comics)|Lyle Bolton]]''': We've heard enough of this nonsense. :'''Jonathon Crane''': He says scum like us must be kept in line! That's why he chains us down at night and electrifies our doors! :'''Scarface''': He held me over a can filled with a termites! Ya hear me?! ''TERMITES!'' :'''Harley Quinn''': He's an animal! :'''Ventriloquist''': A monster! :'''Jonathon Crane''': Keep him away! :'''Lyle Bolton''': '''SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU!''' :''[The guards retrain Lyle Bolton, he kicks the table, resists the guards and attack and them; he threatens to kill the inmates, and Bruce Wayne trips him with the chair]'' :'''Lyle Bolton''': You're all scum! You should be beaten within an inch of your misbegotten lives! :'''Bartholomew''': I've seen enough! ''[pounds the gravel]'' Lyle Bolton, you're dismissed! :'''Lyle Bolton''': Before I came here, Arkham was a revolving door for every maniac in Gotham. ''I'' kept them in! '''ME!''' Now I realize I was wrong to punish those pathetic miscreants! '''THEY'RE ONLY SYMPTOMS! ''YOU'RE'' THE CAUSE! THE GUTLESS POLICE, MINDLESS BUREAUCRATS, AND CODDLING DOCTORS! YOU SHOULD ALL BE LOCKED UP IN A CAGE WITHOUT A KEY!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lock Up''': I could have rid Gotham of the fools in city hall and the police department! We could have made our own order! :'''Batman''': I was born to fight your brand of order! :'''Lock Up''': If that's your decision...! ===''Make 'Em Laugh'' [2.18]=== :'''Dispatcher''': Disturbance reported at the top of the Crown restaurant. Suspect is a male costumed extremist armed with what appears to be a... ketchup gun. :'''Batman''': It's going to be one of those nights. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Condiment King''': So long, suckers! Parting is such "sweet-and-sour" sorrow. ''[Batman yanks away his loot bag]'' What's this? Ah! The big bad Bat-guy. I knew you'd "ketchup" to me sooner or later. How I've "relished" this meeting. You, the dynamic Dark Knight, versus me, the conceptual Condiment King! Come, Batman. Let's see if you can "cut the mustard". :'''Batman''': Quiet! ''[punches the King in the stomach]'' :'''Condiment King''': ''[slumps to ground, gasping]'' You hit me! :'''Batman''': Now listen, Mustard Man, or whatever you call yourself. You're obviously new at this, so I'm willing to go easy on you, provided you give back the loot and never even think about doing this again. Deal? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Buddy's agent''': I don't get it. Buddy's just thrown his entire career away. The network's cancelling his show and the restaurant's suing him for a million dollars. Why did he do it? It just doesn't make sense. ===''Deep Freeze'' [2.19]=== :'''Batman''': Men like Walker are obsessed with getting their own way. And they don't let little things like the ''law'' stop them. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grant Walker''': Do you realize that in your half-frozen state, you will age more slowly than an ordinary human? You're practically immortal, my friend! :'''Mr. Freeze''': Yes, eternal life trapped in this wretched shell! What a miserable joke. :'''Grant Walker''': Miserable to you, but a godsend to me. Look at me, Mr. Freeze, I'm an old man. I've created wonders in my lifetime, but there is still so much to do! I want to change as you have. To become, like you, a being of blessed, eternal cold. :'''Mr. Freeze''': You're insane. :'''Grant Walker''': Only you know how to duplicate the accident that made you what you are. What I long to become! :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[grabs him]'' You want to live like this? Abandoned and alone? A prisoner in a world you can see but never touch? ''[drops him and turns away]'' Old and infirm as you are, I'd trade a thousand of my frozen years for your worst day. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grant Walker''': Every time I open a park, I get gatecrashers. :'''Batman''': We've seen your insane vision of the future, Walker. :'''Grant Walker''': My world will have no crime, violence or pain. :'''Robin''': You can add free will to that list too! :'''Grant Walker''': A small price to pay for order. :'''Batman''': ''Your'' order! For your select few! :'''Grant Walker''': Excuse me, but I fail to see the problem with that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You can't let Walker do this. Billions of people will perish! :'''Mr. Freeze''': That's not my concern. All that matters is I once again have my wife, and the means to restore her. :'''Batman''': She'll wake up in a dead, frozen world that ''you'' helped destroy. She'll ''hate'' you for that! :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''Silence.'' :'''Batman''': You think you're alone now? Wait until she learns the truth. :'''Mr. Freeze''': '''I SAID ''SILENCE!''''' ''[blasts at Batman and Robin, knocking them backward, then turns back to Nora with a saddened face]'' Forgive me... ''[frees Batman and Robin]'' Come, there is much to do. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Dick recovers from hypothermia]'' :'''Dick''': Man, if I spent any more time in that immersion tank, I'd be growing gills. :'''Bruce''': I'm just glad I was able to get you back here in time. :'''Dick''': Thanks. For a while I thought I'd end up like Walker, trapped in a ice cube forever. What about Mr. Freeze? Do you think he's gone for good? :'''Bruce''': I'm not sure. But if Freeze's condition has made him truly immortal... we may not have seen the last of him. ===''Batgirl Returns'' [2.20]=== :'''Catwoman''': Bats are just mice with wings, little girl. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Batgirl|Batgirl]]''': So, what are you going to do? Leave us over one of these vats with acid burning through the rope? :'''Daggett''': ''[Laughs]'' If there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's that you crime-fighting types are very resourceful. So, I'll just have my men shoot you and throw your bodies in the vats. == About ''{{PAGENAME}}'' == *'''PD''': If I had to differentiate between [Batman and Superman], I'd say Superman is sort of about hope. You've got this guy who's an alien and not truly human, but he personifies all the best qualities of humanity. He's sort of an example of what it would be nice to be like. We would all like to be like Superman. We would all like to have power, compassion, the ability to settle problems in a good way, and maybe [be able to] wink to ourselves about how nobody else besides us knows we really have this secret power and we keep it ourselves. There's not a lot of angst with Superman. If there is, it's more like, "I wish I could tell Lois who I really was." Batman is how you'd like to be if you [could] break someone's neck: "I'm pissed off, and I want to go out and do something about it." Superman waits for trouble to happen, and then he goes off and stops the problem. Batman's looking for trouble; he doesn't really start it, but he's out there looking. And if he sees something going on, he just jumps into the middle of it. :'''JA''': Batman's sort of a sociopath too. :'''PD''': He's absolutely a sociopath. He's a sociopath with a lot of money, and he's got a sense of right and wrong. I don't think he's totally bereft of some sort of compassion or feeling for some of the villains. He doesn't go after somebody like Mr. Freeze without a small bit of compassion for the man, or maybe someone like the Mad Hatter, or even Harley, whom he thinks is certainly a pain in the ass, but I think he kind of wishes she'd get her act together and wise up at some point. <br> But with darker characters like the Scarecrow and the Joker, he's basically out to make sure they never get out again - whatever it takes to take them down. Somebody like the Joker is probably the least human of all of Batman's Rogues Gallery. That was why I never wanted to do a story that humanizes the Joker, like we did with the Mad Hatter or Mr. Freeze, because I just don't think the character lends itself to that. He's almost supernatural in a way; he's somebody who's just thoroughly insane, who does what he wants to do, and who has a grudge against Batman. He probably likes horrifying people with his clownish appearance as much as Batman terrorizes criminals with his nightmare-like appearance. The Joker is pretty inhuman. I'd say the same thing about the Scarecrow. He is someone who really gets turned on by scaring people. He's like the anti-Batman. He's a weak, very unimposing man until he puts on the Scarecrow costume, and then goes out and gasses people with fear gas, and he watches them squirm. There's probably a big turn-on seeing people helpless in front of him screaming in fear. *'''PD''': When [[w:Tim Burton|Tim Burton]]'s ''[[Batman (1989 film)|Batman]]'' came out, that was the way to go. Now [[w:Joel Schumacher|Joel Schumacher]]'s [[Batman Forever|Batman]] is out there, and people are flocking to the movies, so they"re saying, "Can you lighten up the show a little bit? Can you have more fun with it?" So that's what we were charged with doing, and that's what we've done: to lighten up the color palette a little bit, so that every character's not just in dark colors. Robin, for instance, is now black, red, and gold, instead of green. Nightwing is black and a light, almost iridescent, blue. We've also given it a little more of a kid-friendly look. :* [[w:Paul Dini|Paul Dini]], [http://animationarena.com/batman_the_animated_series.html "Batman: The Animated Series"], ''Animation Arena''. * The thing with the Batman show—even though it's one of the most beautiful and well-written shows, and it really gets into Batman—is that it doesn't really move that fast. The fight scenes aren't that intense, and it doesn't really go actiony. There's a lot of walking and talking in it. It looks great, but it needs that kick of having action. And I think that's another thing that kids are picking up on: For the first time, you're actually seeing superheroes really fight bad guys. In a lot of the cartoons when I was growing up, like [[w:Super Friends|Super Friends]], there was no fighting of bad guys. They would just get sent off to jail. It was wacky, it was silly, it wasn't intense, and there wasn't real fighting and stuff in it. ** [[w:Craig McCracken|Craig McCracken]] [http://www.avclub.com/article/the-powerpuff-girls-13665 "The Powerpuff Girls"], Keith Phipps, ''A.V.Club'', Jun 21, 2000. == Cast == * [[Kevin Conroy]] - [[w:Batman|Bruce Wayne/Batman]] * [[w:Loren Lester|Loren Lester]] - [[w:Dick Grayson|Dick Grayson/Robin]] * [[w:Melissa Gilbert|Melissa Gilbert]] - [[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara Gordon/Batgirl]] * [[w:Clive Revill|Clive Revill]]/[[w:Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.|Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.]] - [[w:Alfred Pennyworth|Alfred Pennyworth]] * [[w:Bob Hastings|Bob Hastings]] - [[w:James Gordon (comics)|Commissioner James Gordon]] * [[w:Robert Costanzo|Robert Costanzo]] - [[w:Harvey Bullock (comics)|Detective Harvey Bullock]] * [[w:Ingrid Oliu|Ingrid Oliu]]/Liane Schirmer - [[w:Renee Montoya|Officer Renee Montoya]] * [[Mark Hamill]] - [[w:The Joker (comics)|The Joker]] * [[w:Arleen Sorkin|Arleen Sorkin]] - [[w:Harley Quinn|Dr. Harleen Quinzel/Harley Quinn]] * [[Paul Williams (songwriter)|Paul Williams]] - [[w:Penguin (comics)|Oswald Cobblepot/The Penguin]] * [[Adrienne Barbeau]] - [[w:Catwoman|Selina Kyle/Catwoman]] * [[w:John Glover (actor)|John Glover]] - [[w:Riddler|Edward Nygma/The Riddler]] * [[w:Richard Moll|Richard Moll]] - [[w:Two-Face (comics)|Harvey Dent/Two-Face]] * [[w:George Dzundza|George Dzundza]] - [[w:The Ventriloquist (comics)|Arnold Wesker/The Ventriloquist/Scarface]] * [[w:Henry Silva|Henry Silva]] - [[w:Bane (comics)|Bane]] * [[w:Aron Kincaid|Aron Kincaid]] - [[w:Killer Croc|Killer Croc]] * [[w:Marc Singer|Marc Singer]] - [[w:Man-Bat|Dr. Kirk Langstrom/Man-Bat]] * [[w:Ron Perlman|Ron Perlman]] - [[w:Clayface|Matt Hagen/Clayface]] * [[w:Diane Pershing|Diane Pershing]] - [[w:Poison Ivy (comics)|Dr. Pamela Isley/Poison Ivy]] * [[w:Henry Polic II|Henry Polic II]] - [[w:Scarecrow (DC comics)|Dr. Jonathan Crane/The Scarecrow]] * [[w:Roddy McDowall|Roddy McDowall]] - [[w:Mad Hatter|Dr. Jervis Tetch/The Mad Hatter]] * [[w:Michael Ansara|Michael Ansara]] - [[w:Mr. Freeze|Dr. Victor Freeze/Mr. Freeze]] * [[David Warner (actor)|David Warner]] - [[w:Ra's al Ghul|Ra's al Ghul]] ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} {{Batman}} [[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated superhero TV shows]] [[Category:Animated Batman TV shows]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Animated television programs based on Detective Comics]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Fox Broadcasting Company animated television series]] [[Category:Television series by Warner Bros. Animation]] 6gs28usli0p2alpgpftu7l9me8tn7cj 3778905 3778902 2025-07-14T22:29:00Z 81.151.41.137 /* Be A Clown [1.9] */ 3778905 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Batman-_The_Animated_Series_logo.svg|thumb|I am [[vengeance]]. I am the [[night]]. I am, '''[[Batman|BATMAN]]'''!]] {{italic title}} '''''[[W:Batman: The Animated Series|Batman: The Animated Series]]''''' is an American animated superhero television series based on the [[DC Comics]] superhero Batman. It was succeeded by ''[[The Adventures of Batman & Robin]]'' and ''[[The New Batman Adventures]]''; the first production in the [[w:DC Animated Universe|DC Animated Universe]]. ==Season 1== ===''On Leather Wings'' [1.1]=== :'''Batman''': ''[reading the paper]'' "Gotham Police Declare War on Batman"? :'''Alfred''': I gather you've been reading ''[[w:How to Win Friends and Influence People|How to Make Friends and Influence People]]''? :'''Batman''': Somebody's setting me up. :'''Alfred''': My heavens. You mean it ''wasn't'' you tossing guards out of windows last night? :'''Batman''': ''[amused]'' I only toss butlers, Alfred. <hr width='50%'/> :'''[[w:Rene Auberjonois|Dr. March]]''': You donate a few million, and you think you own the place. I understand I'm to analyse something for you? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Yeah, doc. See, I keep hearing squeaks in my chimney, and I found these in my empty fireplace. They look like hairs. I thought maybe you could tell me if I have a bat problem. :'''Dr. March''': And what if they are bats, Mr. Wayne? What then? Destroy them like insects? We won't survive the next evolutionary cataclysm, but bats will! They're survivors, Mr. Wayne, not pests! You should understand that! <hr width='50%'/> :'''Dr. Kirk Langstrom''': ''[enters laboratory upon hearing noises]'' Who's back there? ''[spots Batman]'' You...! :'''Batman''': I'm looking for Dr. March. :'''Langstrom''' He's not here, Batman. :'''Batman''': Where is he? :'''Langstrom''': Giving a lecture on human extinction and bat evolution. He's really quite brilliant. :'''Batman''': He's misguided, and a thief. ''[holds up a vial of the serum]'' :'''Langstrom''': He's just a theorist, he was afraid to put it to the test. But I wasn't. I knew he'd discovered a formula to create a totally new species, neither man nor bat. And once I started taking it, I couldn't stop. I desperately wanted to, but... ''it'' took over. Francine and March tried to protect me, but it was too late. The beast knew what chemicals were needed to bring itself about! It was out of my control! And it only needs one more component to complete the process! ''[voice lowering]'' It's in ''ME'', Batman! ''[laughs maniacally and begins to change into Man-Bat]'' <hr width='50%'/> :'''Bullock''': Let's go! :'''Lieutenant''': I can’t do it, sir! :'''Bullock''': Whaddaya mean "you can’t do it"?! :'''Lieutenant''': I just got word not to let you up without the Commissioner! :'''Bullock''': Who told you that?! :'''Lieutenant''': The Commissioner! ''[points at Gordon as he arrives]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Get out, Detective! The Mayor may not let me fire you, but I am ''not'' taking the heat for your fiasco! :'''Bullock''': This is my case, Commissioner! You heard the Mayor! :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Then why don't you go take it up with him?! I've got a job to do! If you wanna tag along, fine! ''[gets into the helicopter]'' Take her up, Lieutenant! :'''Bullock''': ''[trying to clamber in as it takes off]'' Hey! Wait for me! ===''Christmas With The Joker'' [1.2]=== :''[the Arkham Asylum inmates practice signing Jingle Bells as other inmates set up a giant Christmas tree]'' :'''Joker''': Jingle bells! Batman smells! Robin laid an egg! ''[gets a tree-topper and climbs to install it]'' The Batmobile lost a wheel and the Jo-ker got a-wa-a-a-ay! ''[attaches the ornament and the Christmas Tree ignites, revealed as a rocket. Joker clambers at it launches]'' Crashing through the roof! In a one-horse-open tree! Busting out I go! Laughing all the WHEEEEE! ''[the "rocket-tree" flies off into the distance as he sings]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the Christmas with the Joker show]'' :'''Joker''': Rumor has it, Christmas is a time to share with family. :'''Laugh track''': Yea! :'''Joker''': And since I don't have one of my own... :'''Laugh track''': Aww... :'''Joker''': I decided to STEAL one! :'''Laugh track''': Yea! :'''Joker''': And here they are: The Awful Lawful Family! ''[lights turn on and reveal Gordon, Summer, and Bullock tied up and gagged]'' Aren't they just the cutest family you've ever seen? :'''Batman''': ''[watching in the Batmobile]'' It's never easy with the Joker. :'''Joker''': Meet Daddy Lawful! ''[ungags Gordon]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': You diseased maniac! I'll- ''[Joker gags him again]'' :'''Joker''': Hmm. Looks like I'll have to teach Daddy some manners. And here's Mommy Lawful! ''[ungags Summer]'' :'''Summer Gleason''': Help! Somebody please help us- ''[Joker gags her again]'' :'''Joker''': Ho ho ho, isn't she jolly? And here we have little Baby Lawful! Coochie coochie coo! ''[ungags Bullock]'' :'''Detective Bullock''': When I get my hands on you, I'll rip your- ''[Joker gags him again]'' :'''Joker''': I'll bet Batman wishes he had a family just like mine. Personally I think relatives are a bore, so Batman can have them... ''[points to clock showing 10:30PM] if'' he can find them by midnight! Otherwise... ''[makes a throat-slashing motion and laughs]'' ===''Nothing To Fear'' [1.3]=== :''[Bruce is introduced to Dr. Long and he offers a handshake]'' :'''Dr. Long''': ''[looks at hand and pouts off]'' Your father and I attended university together. He had big plans for you. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Well, I guess he'd be pleased. Wayne Industries is more prosperous than ever. :'''Dr. Long''': Pleased? When your father was alive, Wayne was a name that commanded great respect. Now all Wayne stands for is a self-centered jet-setting playboy. It's lucky your father didn't live to see what you've done to his good name. He'd have died of shame. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Scarecrow sprays a security guard with gas]'' :'''Guard''': Stop! What the-- No! No, spiders! Get them offa me! No! NO! ''[cowers in fear]'' :'''Anthony''': What did you do to him, boss? :'''[[w:Scarecrow (DC Comics)|Scarecrow]]''': I merely helped him visualize his innermost terror, which is obviously [[w:arachnophobia|arachnophobia]]. :'''Nigel''': A-whack-a-what? :'''Scarecrow''': Arachnophobia! Fear of spiders, you dimwitted dropout! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': It seems I have underestimated the Batman, but at least the University is finished. :'''Anthony''': Gee, boss, I never liked school, but, uh, how come you hate the university so much? :'''Scarecrow''': They tried to destroy me. :'''Nigel''': You mean they kicked you out 'cause you weren't smart enough? :'''Scarecrow''': No, you simpleton! ''[pinches Nigel's broken nose]'' :'''Nigel''': Ow! :'''Scarecrow''': I taught there. I was a professor of psychology, specializing in phobias. Inducing terror has always intrigued me. Even as a boy, I loved to frighten things. People, animals, it was all the same. I became obsessed with fear's crippling power. Later, when I became their leading Professor of Subliminal Psychology at the University, I began performing experiments on fear and its subsequent effects. Dr. Long thought I went too far - he called me a lunatic. So now, they will learn the true nature of horror! :'''Anthony''': ''[to Nigel]'' Wow, he's a real professor. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman has been exposed to Scarecrow's fear toxin]'' :'''Thomas Wayne''': Bruce... :'''Batman''': No... not now... :'''Thomas Wayne''': You are a disgrace! ''[turns into the [[w:Grim Reaper|Grim Reaper]]]'' :'''Batman''': No... You are NOT my father. I am NOT a disgrace! I am vengeance, I am the night. I...AM...'''BATMAN!''' ===''The Last Laugh'' [1.4]=== :'''Summer Gleeson''': I'm here in Downtown Gotham where corporate CEOs have gone stark, raving mad. It would appear that the collapse of the stock market is now imminent. The question is: Will [[April Fools' Day]] mark the end of Gotham City as we know it? :'''Joker''': The only things gaining now are the laughing stocks! ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[After trapping Batman in a sealed garbage can]'' :'''Joker''': I just love these new Ziploc seals! We wouldn't want our little caged rodent to suffocate, so we'll just ''[draws a knife]'' PUNCH SOME AIRHOLES! ''[laughing, he stabs holes in the can, with Batman being forced to dodge each one]'' Okay, Captain! Give 'er the old heave-ho! ''[Captain Clown salutes and throws the can into the river, where it starts to flood and sink]'' Oops! Looks like our airholes are waterholes too! ''[smirking at the viewer]'' What a shame! ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Justice is served hot, Batman! You're going to melt just like a grilled-cheese sandwich! :''[The Joker tries to send Batman falling into the furnace with a cascade of garbage, but Batman escapes and swings to safety on his grappling hook]'' :'''Batman''': Justice ''will'' be served, Joker. :'''Joker''': Service with a SMILE?! ''[tosses a razor card at Batman, who dodges it just in time]'' :'''Batman''': Clean up your act, Joker. :'''Joker''': Oh, that's a joke, right? Batman finally told a joke! ''[laughing, the Joker draws another card and flings it, but Batman catches it with a smirk. With a gasp of shock, the Joker tries to flee, but gets his food caught on a cable and he ends up dangling over the furnace]'' BATMAN! YOU WOULDN'T LET ME FRY, WOULD YOU?! ''[Batman leans on the railing, pretending to consider it] '''BATMAN!''' [Batman pulls him up]'' ===''Pretty Poison'' [1.5]=== :'''Dent''': So, what do you think? :'''Bruce''': Does she have a sister? :'''Dent''': Nope. Pam's one of a kind. That's why I asked her to marry me. :'''Bruce''': ''[spits out his water upon hearing this]'' WHAT?! :'''Dent''': Yup, that's the page one headline. Hey... is it starting to get warm? :'''Bruce''': You're still flushed from that last kiss. Harvey, you just met her last week! :'''Dent''': And I already know she's the one. Gosh, it's hot in here... :'''Bruce''': Marriage is a major step, Harvs. Don't you think you're rushing it? :'''Dent''': No way. The moment I laid eyes on Pam, her love hit me right in the face. ''[falls right into the food he ordered]'' :'''Bruce''': ''[laughs]'' Harvey, you've lost your mind. Knock it off. ''[sees him unresponsive]'' Harv? Harvey! ''[Later sees Harvey carried into an ambulance and climbs inside]'' Hang on, Harvey. Hang on. <hr width=50%"/> :'''Bullock''': So what'd you put in this mousse?! :'''Chef''': Chocolate, sugar, eggs, cream... :'''Bullock''': STRYCHNINE?! :'''Chef''': No, no, no strychnine. But I added just a pinch of vanilla. :'''Bullock''': ''[turns to a waiter, frustrated]'' You know who did it?! TALK! :'''Waiter''': Hey, I just clean the dishes, okay? <hr width=50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[chuckles]'' Batman! A late night rendezvous? To what do I owe the honor? :'''Batman''': ''[struggling against Ivy's giant flytrap]'' Harvey Dent! :'''Poison Ivy''': Oh, the poor district attorney. I hear he's not expected to live. Oh, it's so sad... ''[feigns crying, which quickly turns to insane laughter]'' :'''Batman''': Why, Isley? :'''Poison Ivy''': Oh, please, call me Poison Ivy. You see, Harvey had to pay for his crime. :'''Batman''': What crime? :'''Poison Ivy''': Why, murder, of course! Plowing up a field of beautiful wildflowers for that silly penitentiary of his. This little rose would be extinct today if I hadn't saved my precious from those horrible bulldozers! The blood of those flowers are on his hands! ''[calms down after her tantrum]'' So his fate was sealed ''[applies lipstick]'' ...with a kiss. And now, so is yours. ''[Ivy's plant holds Batman still as she kisses him; he tries to spit away the poison]'' Oh, what's wrong? Afraid I have cooties? ''[laughs]'' Oh, now you've gone and hurt my feelings. Too bad. I was going to share the antidote with you. ''[opens a bottle and waves it under his nose]'' Lovely fragrance, don't you think? ''[applies a drop to her face]'' I call it "Rose From the Dead". <hr width=50%"/> :''[In a cell in Arkham]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': They can bury me in the ground, as deep as they like. But I'll grow back. ''[to her rose]'' We ''always'' grow back. Don't we, baby? ===''The Underdwellers'' [1.6]=== :'''Sewer King''': Lesson number one is: NOOOOO TAAAALKING! Children are to be seen and not heard. We are the Underdwellers. We are the silent ones. We follow the invisible creed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sewer King''': Frog! The rolls, if you please. :''[Another boy nervously steps over with them; the Sewer King grabs his wrist angrily]'' :'''Sewer King''': You're not Frog! Where is he?! He's not here! ''[smacks the bowl of rolls away]'' NOT HERE! And after all I've done for you ungrateful little monsters! I took you in when nobody else would have you! It is I who care for you! I who provide for you! And only I WHO KNOWS WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU! Would you rather I sent you back into the light? Back to those who hurt you, and sent you away? :''[The children tearfully shake their heads; the Sewer King pushes the dinner table over with a loud crash]'' :'''Sewer King''': THERE WILL BE NOTHING TO EAT UNTIL FROG IS FOUND! NOW OUT WITH YOU! ''OUT WITH YOU!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I don't know what kind of barbarian did this to you, but it's over. And from now on, you'll be treated like human beings. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sewer King''': ''[clapping]'' Bravo. Bravo. You've caused me great distress, you evil bat, yes, yes, yes, you have! You've hurt my pretty pets, and you've frightened my beloved children! :'''Batman''': ''[incredulous and disgusted]'' "Beloved children"?! :'''Sewer King''': Yes! I feed them, I clothe them, I discipline them, and I teach them a trade! And now, I will teach ''you'' something! :''[He stamps on Batman's hands, but Batman swings under the pipe and kicks him from behind, causing him to fall off]'' :'''Batman''': Grab my hand! :'''Sewer King''': ''NEVER!'' :''[He falls into the water, where the alligators close in and seemingly devour him]'' :'''Batman''': A gruesome fate for a gruesome man. :''[He hears the Sewer King laughing, and sees him with the alligators, unharmed]'' :'''Sewer King''': I rather enjoyed it! I told you, they're my pretties! ''[pets one, laughing]'' Have a nice swim! :''[Batman swings over to chase him, narrowly missing the alligators' jaws]'' :'''Batman''': Later. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman pulls the Sewer King out of the way of an oncoming train]'' :'''Sewer King''': Why? Why?! ''Why?!'' :'''Batman''': ''[seething with anger]'' I don't pass sentence. That's for the courts. But this time - ''this time'' - I am ''sorely tempted'' to do the job myself! ===''P.O.V.'' [1.7]=== :''[after Batman grapples up a crane with Officer Montoya to safety]'' :'''Batman''': Are you alright? :''[Machine gun bullets hit around Batman and Officer Montoya, causing both of them to duck]'' :'''Officer Montoya''': Dandy. :'''Batman''': Then don't go away. :'''Officer Montoya''': ''[Batman leaves as more machine gun bullets hit. Montoya stays down]'' Count on it. <hr width="50%"/> :''[after Commissioner Gordon congratulates Officer Montoya for foiling the dock heist with Batman's aid]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': I have to hand it to you, Montoya. You and the Batman really turned this thing around. :'''Patrolman Wilkes''': Yeah, what a [[wikt:collar|collar]]! You didn't just bust 'em, you put the whole gang out of commission. ''[Lieutenant Hackle appears to accuse Montoya]'' :'''Lieutenant Hackle''': What collar? She's suspended! ''[Gordon angrily grabs Heckle]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': This [[wikt:farce|farce]] has gone far enough, Hackle! We apprehended the suspects and recovered our money. The investigation is closed! ''[He grabs three confiscated police badges out of Hackle's suit pocket and shoves him aside. He hands the badges to Officer Montoya]'' Officer Montoya earned this collar. :'''Officer Montoya''': The collar belongs to all three of us, Commissioner. It was a team effort. ''[Montoya accepts hers and hands Wilkes back his badge]'' :'''Patrolman Wilkes''': Gee... thanks, partner! :'''Detective Bullock''': ''[grumbling under his breath]'' Yeah, yeah... :'''Officer Montoya''': What was that, Bullock? ''[happily gives badge to Bullock]'' :'''Detective Bullock''': ''[reluctantly hesitates, accepts his badge]'' I said... Thanks a lot, Montoya. ===''The Forgotten'' [1.8]=== :'''Bruce''': What is this? :'''Smith''': If it's moving, it's a rat. If it isn't, it's a cooked rat. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': ''[Alfred flies the Batwing to the tracking device's location]'' This must be the place! Bring us down! :'''Batwing Computer''': Negative. :'''Alfred''': ''[pressing buttons madly]'' But Master Bruce is down there! We HAVE to land! :'''Computer''': Impossible. Area too confined. :'''Alfred''': ''[pounds the console]'' Land, you bucket of bolts! :'''Computer''': Your funeral. :'''Alfred''': Oh, dear...! ''[The Batwing flies down abruptly. Bruce, escaping the mine, sees the Batwing fly over]'' :'''Bruce''': ''[Smiles]'' Son of a gun! :''[The Batwing reaches a flat area near Bruce and lands. The cockpit opens.]'' :'''Computer''': Watch your step. :'''Alfred''': ''[tumbles out, dazed]'' [[w:Juan Rodriguez Cabrillo|I-I-I claim this land... for Spain]]. ''[collapses]'' ===''Be A Clown'' [1.9]=== :'''Jordan''': How can I get to be a great magician like you, Jekko? :'''"Jekko"''': Well, there are three steps! Step one: run away. Step two: find a magician with a great act. And step three: ''steal it.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Summer Gleason''': ''[reporting on TV]'' Denying reports of a bomb blast at his son's birthday party, Mayor Hill insists the explosion was caused by faulty electrical wiring. :'''"Jekko"''': Yeah! RIGHT! ''[laughs]'' :'''Summer Gleason''': The Mayor declined, however, to confirm that his son Jordan was missing. :'''"Jekko"''': Missing? :'''Jordan''': ''[coming into view]'' It's me, Jekko. I ran away. :'''"Jekko"''': You did '''WHAT?!?''' :'''Jordan''': I want to be a magician, like you. :'''"Jekko"''': Why, you... ''[laughs]'' Well, kid, you got step one right! Come on in. I've been thinking about a protégé. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman is trapped inside a tank filled with water, complete with a straitjacket and leg restraints]'' :'''"Jekko"''': For your viewing pleasure, we present... the infamous water tank trap! The great [[w:Harry Houdini|Houdini]] survived such a test. Dare we demand less of the Batman?! :'''Jordan''': I don't like this, Jekko... :'''"Jekko"''': Quiet, kid, it's a free ticket. :''[Batman manages to free the sleeves of the jacket]'' :'''Jordan''': ''[clapping]'' He did it! He got free! :'''"Jekko"''': They don't make straitjackets like they used to. ''[grinning]'' I should know... :''[Batman wriggles out of the jacket and undoes the leg restraints, but struggles to break the glass]'' :'''Jordan''': He can't get out! What's the trick? :'''"Jekko"''': That's just it! THERE IS NO TRICK! :'''Jordan''': No! He'll drown! :''[Jordan grabs an axe and strikes the side of the tank to try and free Batman, but "Jekko" takes the axe away]'' :'''"Jekko"/Joker''': That's why they call it a finale! ''[throws down the axe and discards his Jekko the Clown mask]'' Now sit down and enjoy the show! ===''Two-Face Part 1'' [1.10]=== :''[Dent's raid on Thorne has been aborted by the judge due to supposed lack of reliable evidence]'' :'''Dent''': No! NO! '''I SPENT ''THREE MONTHS'' ON THAT RAID!''' He can't overturn! The fool! HE'S ''BEEN BOUGHT! LIKE ALL THE REST!'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[tries to restrain him]'' Harvey, please try to calm down. This sort of behavior doesn't run well with the voters- :'''Dent''': ''LET GO OF ME, YOU RICH TWIT!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dent''': Stealing someone's psychiatric file is pretty low, Thorne! Even for a swine like you! :'''[[w:John Vernon|Rupert Thorne]]''': But it makes for such fascinating reading. Listen to this, boys. Says here that when Harvey was a little boy, he was bothered by a bully. Every day the bully would bug him after school, until one day little Harvey got so mad, he slugged him one. :'''Thorne's Thugs''': Oooh! :'''Rupert Thorne''': Of course, the bully ran away, which made little Harvey very proud. Until he heard that the bully was in the hospital. :'''Candace''': That was some punch. :'''Rupert Thorne''': ''[chuckles]'' That's what Harvey thought. Except the guy was in the hospital for appendicitis! ''[chuckles again]'' But poor Harvey felt so guilty, he never showed his anger again. And that was the start of "Big Bad Harv". :'''Dent''': What do you want? :'''Rupert Thorne''': Just a few favors from the D.A.'s office. :'''Dent''': You're dreaming. :'''Rupert Thorne''': Otherwise, as a concerned citizen, I'd be compelled to give this to the press. After all, the people of Gotham have a right to know the kind of person... or should I say "persons", they've elected. So, what do you say, Harvey? Do we have a deal? :''[Harvey's face has contorted in building rage the entire time, but suddenly relaxes into deceptive docility]'' :'''Dent''': There's just one problem. :'''Rupert Thorne''': What's that? :'''Dent''': ''[in Big Bad Harv's voice]'' '''''You're talking to the wrong Harvey.''''' ===''Two-Face Part 2'' [1.11]=== :''[In a nightmare, Harvey is being chased by a dark shadow. He suddenly realizes he is standing on a collapsing wooden bridge]'' :'''Harvey Dent''': Stay back! ''[the shadow reveals itself to be Batman, pleading for Harvey's help]'' :'''Batman''': Harvey, please, let me help you! :'''Harvey Dent''': You?! You saw what was happening! You knew that something was terribly wrong with me! I thought you were my friend! You should have been able to help me--but you didn't! ''[Harvey covers his face with his two hands, now transformed into Two-Face]'' :'''Two-Face''': ''NOW LOOK AT ME!!'' :'''Batman''': But I tried, Harvey. I... ''[the bridge pulls itself apart, causing Two-Face to fall off]'' Harvey! :'''Two-Face''': ''[Plummets into an abyss of glowing red light] WHY COULDN'T YOU SAVE ME...?!!'' :''[Batman looks down the edge and gasps with horrified shock. He instead sees his late parents Thomas and Martha Wayne underneath a single lamppost. They both raise their heads in sadness]'' :'''Thomas Wayne''': Why couldn't you save us, son? :''[Bruce wakes up, sweating with fear. He then turns to a photo of Two-Face from a newspaper]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': So what are you dreaming tonight, Harvey? Peaceful dreams? Nightmares? Maybe both at once. Sleep well, my friend. Whether you are, whatever you've become... I ''will'' save you. I swear. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Two-Face''': This is my world now. A dichotomy of order and chaos - just like me. :'''Grace''': Harvey, what's happened to your mind, your feelings? You used to listen to your feelings. :'''Two-Face''': ''[flipping his coin]'' This is what I listen to now. ''Chance,'' Grace. Chance is everything. Whether you're born or not, whether you live or die, whether you're good or bad... it's all arbitrary. :'''Grace''': That's nonsense, Harvey. Was it chance that made you District Attorney? Was it chance that made you fall in love with me? Take control of your life, Harvey. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Two-Face grabs a tommy gun and aims at a defenceless Thorne]'' :'''Rupert Thorne''': No! Two-Face, don't! ''[to Batman]'' You can't let him! :'''Grace''': Harvey! What are you doing?! :'''Two-Face''': Taking control of my life. :'''Batman''': Let the law handle it. :'''Two-Face''': "The law"?! ''[takes out his coin]'' Here's the only law! The law of averages! The great equalizer! :''[Two-Face flips the coin, but Batman throws out a crate of other coins, and Two-Face's is lost among them as they spill out]'' :'''Two-Face''': ''[horrified and panicked]'' NO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! ''[searches through them frantically]'' My coin! Where is it?! I can't decide without...! Oh no, it's ''gotta'' be here, it's ''gotta! [shrieks with anguish]'' '''''I HAVE TO HAVE IT!!!''''' :''[He continues to scream, swiping the coins aside before collapsing in tears; Grace gently comforts him]'' :'''Grace''': It's all right now, Harvey. I'm here. ===''It's Never Too Late'' [1.12]=== :'''Father Michael Stromwell''': Arnold? That's one soul I wish I could give up on. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arnold Stromwell''': I don't need your help! :'''Michael Stromwell''': Is that a fact? An empire crumbling? A marriage shattered? A son lost? Sure, you're doing fine. ===''I've Got Batman In My Basement'' [1.13]=== :''[after Penguin's goons successfully steal a [[w:Fabergé egg|Fabergé egg]] on a tall building]'' :'''Goon 1''': ''[chuckles]'' A piece of cake, just like the boss said. :'''Goon 2''': Yeah, all it took was five minutes. ''[Batman makes his surprise appearance to the goons]'' :'''Batman''': And that'll get you five ''years''... ''[pause]'' with good behavior. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Be-fowled by a couple of fledgelings! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Grant''': Sherman, what are you doing down there? :'''Sherman''': Nothing, Mom! :'''Mrs. Grant''': You're not trying to make gunpowder again, are you? :'''Sherman''': No, Mom! Honest! :'''Roberta''': We just saved Batman's life, Mrs. Grant, and now we're hiding him from some bad criminals. :'''Mrs. Grant''': That's good, just don't make a mess. ''[leaves]'' :'''Sherman''': Nice going, Miss Big Mouth. :'''Roberta''': ''[shrugging]'' Sorry, Sherman, I guess I panicked. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Gentlemen - and I use the term loosely - after you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Eurgh, how bourgeois. Tearing this place apart could only improve it! Let the egg hunt begin! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Grant''': Young man, you've got some serious explaining to do! ''[sees Batman and the defeated Penguin and gasps]'' :'''Sherman''': Err, Mom, I'd like you to meet Batman. Batman, this is my mom. :'''Batman''': Ma'am. :'''Mrs. Grant''': Oh, hello... :'''Sherman''': Say, Batman, you wouldn't be single, would you? ===''[[w:Heart of Ice (Batman: The Animated Series)|Heart of Ice]]'' [1.14]=== :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[gazes at the ballerina snow globe]'' This is how I'll always remember you. Surrounded by [[winter]] forever young, forever beautiful. Rest well, my love. The monster who took you from me will soon learn that [[revenge]] is a dish... ''[opens his eyes through his red goggles]'' best served '''cold'''. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman infiltrates an office in GothCorp headquarters and sees a classified file with a videotape and medical records of a woman named Nora Fries. He plays the tape on a nearby VCR]'' :'''Victor Fries''': ''[on the tape]'' My name is Doctor Victor Fries. I am recording what I pray would be mankind's first step toward immortality. ''[camera pans to a large machine with a glass capsule and a woman inside it]'' Behind me, you see the CC-100, a cryogenic freezing chamber of my own design. I created it for the express purpose of freezing subjects stricken with inoperable ailments. Subjects like... my own beloved wife, Nora. Once a remedy has been found-- ''[reacts to a loud banging on the door]'' :'''Ferris Boyle''': ''[Behind the door]'' Open this door! Open it now! ''[A security guard kicks the door down, Ferris and another guard step into the room. Boyle confronts Fries angrily.]'' Get away from that equipment! ''[Orders his guards]'' Shut this stuff down. :'''Fries''': ''[Panicked]'' Stop! This is my experiment! :'''Boyle''': Your ''unauthorized'' experiment. I ordered funding suspended weeks ago! I'm already three million in debt thanks to you! :'''Fries''': You can't stop it now! My wife is in there! :'''Boyle''': So bring her out! :'''Fries''': You can't interrupt the process now! :'''Boyle''': ''[unmoved; to guard]'' Open it. :'''Fries''': ''[desperately holds on to Boyle]'' It's her only chance! :'''Boyle''': ''[shrugs off Fries]'' This is MY equipment! ''MINE!'' I have every legal right to use it or not use it as I see fit. I say this project ends ''now!'' :'''Fries''': ''[grabs pistol from security guard and aims it at Ferris]'' '''NO!''' Stay away from her, murderer! :'''Boyle''': ''[tries to act charming to Fries]'' Victor... I'm sorry... I lost my temper. It doesn't have to come to this. We can talk! ''[Fries calms down and Boyle kicks him into a table of cryonic chemicals. Victor screams in pain as the cloud of volatile chemicals engulf him. Boyle steps away in fear and runs out of the room with his guards]'' Get out. Get out! :'''Fries''': ''[Clinging to his freezing chamber, screaming through the glass] Nora! NORA...! [passes out. The tape ends]'' :'''Batman''': ''[Horrified]'' My God! :''[A voice rings out--it's Mr. Freeze, who just snuck in the room]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': Yes. It would move me to tears, if I still had tears to shed. ''[freezes Batman with his cryo-gun]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mr. Freeze raids the award ceremony and confronts Ferris Boyle, who is receiving a humanitarian award]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': The cold eyes of vengeance are upon you, Boyle. :'''Ferris Boyle''': Who...who ''are'' you?! :'''Mr. Freeze''': Come, now. Surely you remember your old colleague... Victor Fries? :''[Mr. Freeze aims and fires his freezing gun at Boyle's feet, ice slowly covering up his legs to his waist]'' :'''Boyle''': ''[cries in pain]'' NO! No...! Stop... please... I... b-beg you! ''[Mr. Freeze stops his freezing gun for a moment of clarity]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': You... ''beg?'' In my nightmares I see my Nora behind the glass, begging to me with frozen eyes. How I've longed to see that look frozen on you. :''[Batman batarangs Mr Freeze's cryo-gun and attacks him. Mr Freeze overpowers Batman and throws him off]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': The advanced circuitry that powers my suit also triples my strength! ''[engages Batman, and lifts him off the ground]'' Sooner or later, all who stand in my way must feel the icy touch of death! :''[Mr. Freeze is about to kill Batman, but collapses when Batman smashes his glass helmet with a thermos full of chicken soup given to him by Alfred earlier]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': ''[walks next to Batman]'' Ooh...! What was that stuff? :'''Batman''': The only way to fight a cold. :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[as his suit falters]'' It can't end this way... vengeance...! :'''Batman''': No, ''justice''. A year ago, Ferris Boyle interrupted an experiment, and in the process destroyed two lives. ''[gives Summer Gleeson the tape he found]'' Here's the evidence. ''[walks to a still shivering Boyle; he sneers at Boyle with disgust]'' Good night, humanitarian! ''[walks off]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mr. Freeze is in his subzero cell in Arkham Asylum, gazing into his ballerina snow globe]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': I failed you. I wish there were another way for me to say it... but I cannot. ''[Tears silently slide down his face]'' I can only beg your [[forgiveness]] and pray you hear me somehow, someplace. Someplace... where a warm hand waits for mine. ===''The Cat And The Claw Part 1'' [1.15]=== :'''Stern''': Now if you'll excuse me, I've given you all the time I can spare. :'''Selina Kyle''': You'll find more time for me, Mr. Stern. Before I'm through, I'll have every environmental group and animal rights activist breathing down your neck. They'll be looking at you and your project so closely, you'll feel like a bug in a bell-jar. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You're late. :'''Mob Boss''': Can't you walk up to someone normal-like? :'''Batman''': I hear you have some information. :'''Mob Boss''': Under one condition: Lay off the South Side. :'''Batman''': Keep this up, and I'll be on you from all sides. North, south, east, and west. ===''The Cat And The Claw Part 2'' [1.16]=== :'''Batman''': Red Claw? A woman? :'''[[W:Red_Claw|Red Claw]]''': Do you have a problem with that, Batman? :'''Batman''': Not at all. I'm an equal opportunity crime fighter! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I didn't want you taken away like a common criminal. :'''Catwoman''': So you do care. :'''Batman''': ''[handcuffing her]'' More than you'll ever know. ===''See No Evil'' [1.17]=== :'''Lloyd Ventrix''': See you 'round, Batman! Too bad you can't say the same! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Ventrix, the suit! It's poison! :'''Ventrix''': So what if it is?! I don't care! As long as I have it, I can take my daughter back whenever I want! Her mother won't stop me, AND NEITHER WILL YOU! ===''Beware The Gray Ghost'' [1.18]=== :''[At a video shop, Bruce Wayne asks for Gray Ghost films]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': I'd like the ''Gray Ghost''. :'''Store Clerk''': ''[smirks and walks away]'' Hmm. Name something else. :'''Wayne''': You said you had everything. :'''Store Clerk''': Except the ''Gray Ghost''! Nobody has it! The studio that made the show, Spectra? It burned down 20 years ago. The negatives all went up like kindling, real shame. :'''Wayne''': So the ''Gray Ghost'' doesn't exist? :'''Clerk''': Not anymore. Sorry, pal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Simon Trent''': ''[Hands Batman a film reel with the key the mystery]'' Here's your answer, take it and go! :'''Batman''': I used to admire what the Gray Ghost stood for... :'''Simon Trent''': I'm not the Gray Ghost! :'''Batman''': ''[coldly]'' I can see that now. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the launch of the Gray Ghost videos]'' :'''Bruce''': Could you make this out to 'Bruce'? :'''Gray Ghost''': ''[signing autograph]'' Here you are, Bruce. :'''Bruce''': Thanks. As a kid, I used to watch you with my father. The Gray Ghost was my hero. :'''Gray Ghost''': ''[realizing]'' Really... :'''Bruce''': ''[smiling]'' And he still is. ===''Prophecy Of Doom'' [1.19]=== :'''Nostromos''': I predict... you and I are about to become rich as pigs! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lucas''': No one could've predicted Batman would spot me. Not even the great Nostromos. Besides, how do you know Wayne survived? :'''Nostromos''': The news said he got off the elevator right before it fell, you pathetic amateur! :'''Lucas''': Well, you didn't predict he would ''die'', exactly... ===''Feat Of Clay Part 1'' [1.20]=== :''[About Matt Hagen's repeated use of "Renuyu" to restore his disfigured face]'' :'''Teddy Lupus''': You can't go on like this, Matt. You hurt all the time now. :'''[[w:Clayface|Matt Hagen]]''': ''[irritated]'' You're just my stand-in, Lupus. Nobody promoted you to nursemaid! :'''Lupus''': That stuff makes your face like putty, Matt; it can't be good for ya. :'''Hagen''': It probably ain't good for me. But unless I only want to do ''horror'' pictures, it ain't bad for me either. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Listen up, scumwad, 'cause I'm only gonna ask you once. Who was Lucius Fox meeting at the tram? :'''Raymond Bell''': Wayne... Bruce Wayne! :'''Batman''': You lying sleaze! You wanna rethink that answer? ===''Feat Of Clay Part 2'' [1.21]=== :'''Clayface''': ''[testing his new shapeshifting powers]'' The formula must have soaked every cell in my body. :'''Teddy Lupus''': It's.... It's some kind of miracle! ''[sees Matt change back into Clayface]'' Wha... What are you doing? :'''Clayface''': No. No! You broke my concentration! It won't work, don't you see?! It's too hard! It's like tensing a muscle - I can't keep it up for long! MY CAREER, MY ''LIFE'' - IT ''IS'' GONE! AND I CAN NEVER GET IT BACK! ''[In his rage, Clayface destroys several things in the trailer]'' I'm not an actor anymore! I'm not even... a ''man''! ''[Sobs softly]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Clayface''': Not even the Batman could stop me, Teddy. And that means ''Daggett'' won't have a prayer. :'''Teddy''': Matt, please, you don't wanna do anything crazy. Why don't you try to get some shuteye? :'''Clayface''': ''[growls]'' DON'T YOU DARE PATRONIZE ME!!! I told you I don't need rest! I don't need food! AND I DON'T NEED YOU!!!! ''[grabs Teddy and throws him to a bookcase then walks out the door]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Roland Daggett is at a talk show talking about Renuyu facial cream and the host entertains audience questions]'' :'''Woman''': I'd like to ask Mr. Daggett about the rumors I've heard. I hear he's selling Renuyu through direct marketing because stores won't carry it due to its harmful side effects. :'''[[w:Roland Daggett|Roland Daggett]]''': Well that's, uh, absolutely untrue- :'''Woman''': ''[stands up and approaches him]'' What about the addictive properties of Renuyu, Mr. Daggett? Once you're hooked, you can't stop using it without horrible...''pain''! :'''Daggett''': No! I mean... That's just not so! :'''Woman''': Why don't you show them what an ''overdose'' can do, Daggett?! Why don't you tell them ''[voices goes deeper]'' about ME?! ''[transforms into Clayface]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Batman tricks Clayface into confronting him in a recording room, where he turns multiple screens showing headshots of Clayface's past roles]'' :'''Clayface''': What are you doing?! Stop it! :'''Batman''': Look at them, Hagan. Look at what you used to be. :'''Clayface''': No, no! Turn them off! :'''Batman''': You can play those roles again, Hagan. Let me help you find a cure. :'''Clayface''': ''[begins to shapeshift into his past roles]'' No! Hagan's gone! Make him stop haunting me! ''[begins to uncontrollably shapeshift into his past roles]'' Stop it! Turn them off! I can't control it! I can't be all of them! Not all at once! :''[Batman tries to turn on some more screens, but Clayface knocks him out of the way and smashes the control panels; Clayface yanks off one of the screens and throws it at Batman, who dodges; the screen hits the big screen, causing an explosion; the police arrive to see Clayface in his shapeshifting seizure as he shifts his face into Bruce Wayne]'' :'''Officer''': Mother of mercy! It looks just like Bruce Wayne! :''[Clayface punches through two screens, electrocuting him and reverting back into his true form and he topples over; Batman walks up to Clayface]'' :'''Clayface''': ''[morphs into Matt Hagan]'' You know what I'd have given for a death scene like this? ''[morphs into his scarred form]'' Too bad I won't get to... read the notices. ''[faints and reverts back to his true form.]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Lucius Fox''': I'm just glad to know it wasn't really Bruce Wayne who attacked me. :'''Summer Gleeson''': Thank you, Mr. Fox. All charges against Wayne have, of course, been dropped. And Roland Daggett remains in custody. :''[as Alfred turns off the TV, Batman is experimenting with a piece of Clayface's clay]'' :'''Alfred''': My word, sir. I should think after all this, it would time to rest. :'''Batman''': Look. A piece of clay left behind when they took Hagan's body away. Watch. ''[zaps the clay with electricity, causing it to morph into multiple shapes]'' :'''Alfred''': Electricity has no effect on it? :'''Batman''': Exactly. ''[scene changes to a morgue where a doctor uncovers Clayface's body; voice-over]'' I wouldn't be surprised if the body they took to the morgue was only a shell ''[Clayface's body cracks and crumbles into little pieces]'' Don't forget, first and foremost, Hagan was an actor. ''[scene changes to Teddy outside the hospital]'' He said it himself, Alfred. He called it a scene. Maybe the greatest scene in his career. :'''Teddy''': ''[sadly]'' See you 'round, Matt. ''[walks away]'' :'''Batman''': A death scene so real... it fooled us all. :''[a woman laughs maniacally as her voice grows deeper and her eyes turn yellow, revealing her to be a disguised Clayface]'' ===''Joker's Favor'' [1.22]=== :'''[[w:Joker (comics)|Joker]]''': ''[tosses two pennies on the ground]'' There's your two cents. Now, what are you going to do to me? :'''Charlie''': Listen.... I... O'm sorry, really! I.... I had a bad day. Boss turned down my raise, and... :'''Joker''': Now look, my rude friend! We can't have people cursing at each other on the freeway. It's simply ''not polite''! ''[jumps down and grabs him]'' I'm just going to have to teach you some manners. ''[reaches into his coat]'' :'''Charlie''': Please don't! I have a family, a wife, a little boy! Please! I'll do anything to make it up! Anything! :'''Joker''': Anything, says you? ''[Charlie nods; Joker releases him]'' Okee-dokee! Wallet. :'''Charlie''': Uh, okay. I don't have much cash. :'''Joker''': Oh, please! Don't insult me! ''[takes out driver's license]'' Charles Michael Collins. That's you! Tsk tsk, lousy picture, though. Lousy! Address, height, weight, blah blah blah. ''[tosses the wallet back and keeps the license]'' Righty-o, Chuckers! Here's the deal. I'll let you off if you promise to do a little favor for me. :'''Charlie''': Okay. What? :'''Joker''': ''I DON'T KNOW! I HAVEN'T THOUGHT OF IT YET!'' You just toddle on back to your mundane, meaningless little life, and when I need you, I'll call. Fair? Good? Great! I'll be in touch. ''[walks away, laughing maniacally]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Charlie''': Hello? :'''Joker''': Hello, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': Wrong number, pal. My name is Don. :'''Joker''': Oh, no, no, no. This IS the right number, Charles Michael Collins. Oh, I don't know why you changed your name to Don Wallace and moved your family to 12 Marigold Lane, Springdale, Ohio. One might think you were trying to skip out on our little deal. ''[to Harley Quinn]'' Leave the sideburns. :'''Charlie''': Uh... how did you find me? :'''Joker''': Oh, I never lost you, Chaz. You've become my... HOBBY!! ''[laughs maniacally]'' Now, listen up, Charlie Brown. You're booked on the next flight to Gotham. Tell the family you have to visit a sick friend. Oh, and let's keep this to ourselves, 'kay? Bad things happen to people who gossip, capisce, Carlo? ''[Charlie looks out the window to see Joker's henchmen pull up to his house]'' :'''Charlie''': Yeah... :'''Joker''': Good! See ya! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': You miserable little ''nobody!'' If I get caught, your wife and son are history! :'''Charlie''': You're not getting caught. Not this time. I found this blown out of the van. :''[He pulls one of the Joker's bombs from his jacket, and the Joker looks shocked and afraid]'' :'''Charlie''': This is how it ends, Joker. No big schemes, no grand fight to the finish with the Dark Knight. Tomorrow, all the papers will say is that the great Joker was found blown to bits in an alley, alongside a "miserable little nobody"! ''[chuckles]'' Kinda funny. Ironic, really. See? I can destroy a man's dreams too! And that's really the only dream you've got, isn't it?! :'''Joker''': ''[still scared]'' Look, Charlie, you've had a busy day! All this running around, all this excitement with... ''[yelling out desperately]'' '''''BATMAN!''''' Stop! You... you're crazy! :'''Charlie''': I had a good teacher! ''[chuckles]'' Say goodnight, Gracie! :'''Joker''': ''[terrified, trying to crawl away]'' NO! '''BATMAN! ''BATMAN!''''' ''[sees Batman in the shadows, and gasps with relief and annoyance]'' How long have you been there?! :'''Batman''': Long enough. Put it down, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': You know he'll just escape again! This is the only way my family stays safe! :'''Joker''': All right, you win! Take it easy! ''[surrenders his notebook to Batman]'' Here's everything on his blasted family - names, addresses, it's all there! You're no fun anymore, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': Hey, Joker! ''[throws the bomb at the Joker, who cowers behind Batman - only for the "bomb" to release harmless confetti]'' Gotcha! :''[Batman lets out a short laugh]'' :'''Joker''': ''[dryly]'' Oh, very funny. A million laughs. :'''Batman''': Go home, Mr. Collins. :'''Charlie''': Home. I never thought that could sound so good. I wonder what Bonnie's making for dinner. Right now, anything would taste great. Even meatloaf. ===''Vendetta'' [1.23]=== :'''Batman''': Here's how it works, slimeball. I have questions, and if you have answers, I'll leave you alone. :'''Rupert Thorne''': Oh, I have plenty of answers... thirty-eight caliber answers. Now then, you were saying? :'''Batman''': ''[Using Thorne as a shield]'' I was saying, you'd better hope your men are ''very'' good shots. It's too hot in here. Let's get some air. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Killer Croc''': Terrific. Just what I need now. The freak job in the cape. :'''Batman''': You're no prize yourself. :'''Killer Croc''': ''[strangling Batman]'' What can I tell you now? Being a reptile man ain't pretty... but it's got its upside. Like having the strength of a crocodile, for instance! But I guess you've learned that by now, huh? ''[forcing Batman into the water]'' The hard way. You know, they used to call "Killer Croc" the meanest dude in the Wrestling Federation. Now they'll call him the guy who iced the Batman! :'''Batman''': ''[flip-kicks Killer Croc really hard and gets out of the water]'' Don't hold your breath. ===''Fear Of Victory'' [1.24]=== :'''Mr. Lucky''': Lost? You have that bewildered look, but your sort always does. :'''Thug''': ''[grabs him threateningly]'' I ain't lost. I'm lookin' for you! I wanna know how come you always win, Mr. Lucky. :'''Mr. Lucky''': It's quite simple, actually. I fix the games. :'''Thug''': You can't fix ''all'' those sports. Nobody can! :'''Mr. Lucky''': Oh, ye of little brain, allow me to illustrate. ''[hands the thug an envelope laced in fear toxin]'' Here. You can read, can't you? :'''Thug''': ''[reads it]'' "Boo!" Hey, is this some kinda joke? :'''Mr. Lucky''': It's no joke, I assure you. It's the fear of victory, and the agony of... ''[the thug pulls Mr. Lucky out of the shadows, revealing his true identity]'' '''the Scarecrow!''' :''[The thug gasps in fear, now a victim of his toxin]'' :'''Scarecrow''': So now you understand Step One in how I fix an athletic contest. ''[Scarecrow comes closer to the thug, causing him to fall into some stacks of hay]'' I shall proceed to Step Two! ''[chuckles evilly]'' :'''Thug''': No! NO! GET AWAY! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': There's enough powder in that helmet to panic a pachyderm! He should be postering himself, crying for mercy! :'''Batman''': Change of luck, Scarecrow? :'''Scarecrow''': YOU! :'''Batman''': You're aware that gambling is illegal in Gotham? :'''Scarecrow''': I need the money, Batman! You know the cost of chemicals these days. And it will take much more than this to bring every pathetic person in Gotham to their knees, kissing my feet! ''[reveals a vial of his fear chemical and dangles it above the crowd]'' No closer, Batman! Unless you want a stampede of half-crazed humanity crushing and clawing each other! Now... what guarantee do I have you won't follow me? :'''Batman''': You have my word, Scarecrow. Just don't drop the vial. :'''Scarecrow''': Actually, Batman, I'd prefer a little insurance that you'll be otherwise occupied! ''[drops it]'' ===''The Clock King'' [1.25]=== :'''Fugate''': (after judgment has been passed) No! You can't! I'll be ruined! :'''Judge''': Then perhaps this will teach you to be on time for a change. :'''Batman''': What kind of a saboteur uses a six-thousand dollar Metronex to set a time bomb? :'''Alfred''': A saboteur with too much money? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman:''' Hold it! :'''Fugate:''' Well, well. The Batman. It's about time you showed up! I suppose you want to know why I've brought Downtown Gotham to a standstill, Batman. Hm? Well, let's just say it's because I'm a civic minded citizen with a lot of time on his hands. :'''Batman''': I want some answers, wise guy. Talk! :'''Fugate''': A pity. I don't know what to tell you, Batman - except perhaps that the 9:15 is always six minutes early. :''(He falls off the building and lands safely on the roof of an oncoming train as it speeds away)'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mayor Hill is tied to the hands of a huge clock]'' :'''Clock King''': Comfortable, Hill? Well you won't be for long! At 3:15 on the dot, those hands will come together and you'll be crushed like an insect. 3:15, Hill. Does that time hold any meaning for you? :'''Mayor Hill''': I don't know what you're talking about! :'''Clock King''': You told me to take my coffee break at 3:15. :'''Mayor Hill''': What?! :'''Clock King''': You don't remember?! My ''court date!'' :'''Mayor Hill''': ''[finally realizing]'' Oh my Lord! The lawsuit! Fugate! I swear I was only trying to help! :'''Clock King''': Don't hand me that! You did it on purpose! The plaintiffs were represented by your law firm, Mr. Mayor! :'''Mayor Hill''': But I had nothing to do with that case, Fugate! :'''Clock King''': Not that it matters anymore. Now that you have an appointment to keep, at 3:15 precisely—with the '''Grim Reaper!''' ''[begins laughing maniacally]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I'm here to clean your clock, Fugate. :'''Fugate''': Don't count on it, Batman. When it comes to clocks, ''I'' am king. ''En garde''! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Stop this, Fugate! Hill committed no crime against you! :'''Temple Fugate''': He did worse than that! He made me late! :'''Batman''': Fugate! You can't escape! :'''Clock King''': Au contraire, Batman. You of all people should know, there's always a way out! :''(Fugate begins laughing maniacally as a huge clock wheel falls on him, sending him to his apparent death)'' ===''Appointment In Crime Alley'' [1.26]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': Roland Daggett's up to something, Alfred. :'''Alfred''': That almost goes without saying, doesn't it, sir? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Leslie Thompkins''': This used to be a beautiful street. Good people lived here once. :'''Batman''': ''[placing two roses on the ground]'' Good people still live in Crime Alley. ===''Mad As A Hatter'' [1.27]=== :'''Jervis Tetch''': ''[Discussing the subject of Alice to his lab rats.]'' Of course, intellectually I know it's wrong. After all, she has a boyfriend. Better to withdraw like a gentleman- forget her, turn my heart to other pursuits. ''[Brief pause]'' NEVER! After all, I've created a chip strong enough to control a human brain! It would be so easy to make her forget her boorish beau and love ME! But...that would reduce her to a soulless shell. No...not my Alice. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman has cornered Jervis Tetch, who just subdued Alice with her mindcontrol card and is at a dinner table with him]'' :'''Jervis Tetch/Mad Hatter''': I'll cut that cowl off your neck before you'll take her! I've waited my whole lonely life for her! :'''Batman''': Then all you've waited for is a puppet. A soulless little doll. :'''Mad Hatter''': It didn't have to be this way! You made me do this to her! ===''Dreams In Darkness'' [1.28]=== :'''Batman''': "There's always time to heal", the doctor told me, but he was wrong. There was no time left. Not for me, not for him, and not for Gotham City. And as long as I remained trapped in Arkham, there was nothing I could do, except wait for the end and remember the beginning. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': An entire city, screaming in fear... I wonder if we'll be able to hear it... ===''Eternal Youth'' [1.29]=== :'''Mrs. Thomas''': You wicked, evil- :'''Poison Ivy''': Evil, Mrs. Thomas? I don't control a company that leveled a thousand-year-old forest for a strip mine! THAT'S evil! ''[sprays a gas which causes Mrs. Thomas to become petrified; steals a pair of earrings]'' You and your kind owe Mother Nature a big debt, and I am here to make sure you pay up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': Right now, the bark is merely exoskeletal. It will take months of additional spraying before the transformations become irreversible. But, of course, I have the patience of a redwood. :'''Batman''': ''[snarling]'' And the convictions of a fanatic! :'''Poison Ivy''': Well, if you're not going to be part of the solution, you're obviously part of the problem. Ladies? :''[Ivy's henchwomen begin to spray Batman with the growth formula]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': This spray is triple-strength, Batman! It will start the transformation without any preliminaries! ''[Nothing seems to happen to Batman as he unties his hands]'' He should be sprouting leaves by now! :'''Batman''': ''[Unties his hands and stands up, blocking the spray with his cape as he advances]'' You made your secret too accessible, Ivy! I coated my outfit with a herbicidal antidote! :'''Poison Ivy''': Keep spraying! ''[Violet and Lily back away, still spraying, but Batman subdues them both]'' ===''Perchance To Dream'' [1.30]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[Looking down off the ledge, preparing to jump]'' You're wrong! There IS a way out! :'''Mad Hatter''': Now, now wait just a minute! You don't want to do anything foolish! This isn't an ordinary dream! What if you're wrong?! :'''Bruce Wayne''': '''THEN I'LL SEE YOU IN YOUR ''NIGHTMARES''!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': '''''WHY?''''' Why did you do it?! :'''Mad Hatter''': You, of all people, have the GALL to ask me that? You RUINED MY LIFE! I was willing to give you WHATEVER life you wanted, JUST TO KEEP YOU OUT OF ''MINE!'' <hr width="75%"/> ===''The Cape & Cowl Conspiracy'' [1.31]=== :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Look up "slippery" in the dictionary and you get Josiah Wormwood. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[About the [[w:Bat-Signal|Bat-Signal]]]'' Got a new toy, I see. :'''Gordon''': I figured it might come in handy. ===''[[w:Robin's Reckoning|Robin's Reckoning Part 1]]'' [1.32]=== :''[Robin and Batman are doing a stakeout]'' :'''Robin''': If I knew it was going to take THIS long, I would've brought my homework. You sure about this extortion ring? :'''Batman''': ''[Looking at the construction site through binoculars]'' Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': It's been four hours. :'''Batman''': Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': You still think they'll show? :'''Batman''': Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': Lucky for me, you're such a good conversationalist. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': If you protect him, Stromwell, I'll be very... GRUMPY. [[The Incredible Hulk|You don't want to see me when I'm grumpy]]. ===''[[w:Robin's Reckoning|Robin's Reckoning Part 2]]'' [1.33]=== :'''[[w:Tony Zucco|Tony Zucco]]''': I'm not back in town five minutes - FIVE MINUTES - and he's on my tail. You don't know the Bat. He don't let up! He's the dark angel of death, man, and he wants ME! :'''Mick''': ... Why you, boss? :'''Zucco''': HOW SHOULD I KNOW?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Robin is about to throw Tony Zucco off the pier]'' :'''Tony Zucco''': No, don't! Please... :'''Batman''': Robin! Enough. ''[limps towards him]'' You can't let your emotions get the best of you. :'''Robin''': Stuff your advice, Batman! You and your stone-cold heart! You don't know how I feel. HOW COULD YOU?!? ''[Batman looks at him, and Robin realizes what he said]'' Batman, I didn't mean to... I'm sorry. ''[after he sees the police coming, Robin seemingly readies to throw Zucco off the pier but simply throws him to the ground. The cops arrive and arrest Zucco.]'' You were right, you know, not bringing me along. You knew I'd take it too personally. :'''Batman''': It wasn't that, Robin. It wasn't that at all. Zucco's taken so much, caused you so much pain. I couldn't stand the thought that he might... take you, too. :'''Robin''': ''[putting a hand on Batman's shoulder]'' Come on, partner. It's been a long night. ===''The Laughing Fish'' [1.34]=== :'''Alfred''': ''[seeing Batman with a Joker Fish]'' Dining in tonight, sir? :'''Batman''': ''[sighs]'' The dissection tray, please, Alfred... :'''Alfred''': Any idea what our happy friend is up to now? :'''Batman''': Normal criminals usually have logical motives, but the Joker's insane schemes make sense to him alone. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': Ah-ah-ah-ahem! Look alive, wage slaves. Presenting that caliph of clowns, that mogul of mountebanks, the one and only Joker! :''[The Joker enters, laughing maniacally]'' :'''Francis''': Great Scott! :'''Joker''': Actually, I'm Irish. Good morning, Mister, err, ''[looks at his desk's name plate]'' Francis! Please allow me to introduce my associates. Miss Quinn. :'''Harley Quinn''': ''Enchante''! :'''Joker''': And Messrs, uh... oh, their names escape me for the moment. No matter! We gentlemen of business have arrangements to discuss. :'''Francis''': A... Arrangements? :'''Joker''': ''[drops a Joker Fish onto his desk]'' For my fish, of course! This has all been worked out far in advance, Francis. You are merely the last tiny cog in my grand design! So don't speak to me again, 'kay? Now, what is everyone in town talking about? :'''Francis''': Err... your fish? :'''Joker''': ''[smacks him with the fish]'' I TOLD YOU NOT TO SPEAK! :'''Harley''': ''[sniffs Francis]'' Ooh, fish stink-a-roony! ''[sprays him with a substance from a perfume bottle, making him cough]'' All better! :'''Joker''': As I was saying, since every fish in Gotham now bares my famous and frankly ''fabulous'' face, I should be getting a profit from every fish product sold. ''[one of his thugs pours out a pile of products]'' Let's say a nickel per fish sandwich, fifty cents for sardines - millions of dollars a day to finance my happily hedonistic lifestyle! So which of your tedious copyright forms do I fill out first? You may speak now. :'''Francis''': No one can copyright fish. They're a natural resource. :'''Joker''': But they share my unique face! [[w:Colonel Sanders|Colonel What's-His-Name]] has chickens, and they don't even have moustaches! :'''Francis''': I can't help it, it's the law! :'''Joker''': Oh! Trying to cheat the Joker, are ya?! Well, we'll see who has the last laugh. You have until midnight to change your mind, Francis, or you'll be the poorest fish of all! ''[leaves, laughing madly, with his thugs following]'' :'''Harley''': ''[blows Francis a kiss as she follows]'' Buh-bye! :'''Francis''': He's crazy...! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Francis''': Err, Batman? Why is this happening to me? I've never done anything to this Joker. I'm just a paper-pusher, I can't change the laws. I'm harmless! :'''Batman''': And in his sick mind, that's the joke, Mr. Francis. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Feeling all right? :'''Francis''': ''[scratching himself]'' Oh, sure. It's just that everything's been so crazy today. I haven't even had time to rinse off that gunk the Joker's girl squirted on me... :'''Batman''': ''[to Gordon]'' GET THIS MAN TO A HOSPITAL! ''NOW!'' :'''Francis''': What?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': You're right, Harley. Fish ''are'' disgusting. I think I'll start using my toxin on cattle. Joker Burgers! Ha! Talk about a [[w:McDonald's|Happy Meal!]] <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': ''[after hitting Batman with a big wrench]'' Meanwhile, back at the "wrench"...! Since my sidesplitters don't tickle you, how 'bout a ''skull''-splitter?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After the Joker is seemingly eaten by the shark]'' :'''Harley''': ''[sniffing sadly]'' Oh, my poor, poor puddin'... :'''Bullock''': Come on, he was a demented, abusive, psychotic maniac. :'''Harley''': Yeah... I'm really gonna miss him! ''[sobs into her handkerchief]'' :'''Gordon''': Do you think he's gone for good? :'''Batman''': Believe me, Jim, I wish it were true. But deep inside, I doubt it. ===''Night Of The Ninja'' [1.35]=== :'''[[w:Kyodai Ken|Kyodai Ken]]''': ''[Throwing Bruce]'' Don't be depressed, Wayne-san. You're not bad for a rich man's pampered son. :'''Sensei''': ''[Leaps across room and throws Kyodai]'' There's always someone better, Kyodai. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': His name is Kyodai Ken. He was good. :'''Robin''': Yeah? How good? :'''Batman''': ''[Quickly]'' Good. :'''Robin''': I see. <hr width="80%"/> ===''Cat Scratch Fever'' [1.36]=== :'''Selina Kyle''': Don't tell me you're my very own private probation officer. How often would you like me to check in? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': "Viral Antitoxins". For a plague that doesn't exist, yet, but if the plague is introduced via stray dogs and cats, it will blanket Gotham City within weeks! :'''Roland Daggett''': Days, actually. You know how many strays there are in Gotham, Batman? Three hundred thousand! Imagine if even a tenth of them carried the virus. Not only will this little bottle make me a hero, it'll make me a fortune as well. ===''The Strange Secret Of Bruce Wayne'' [1.37]=== :''[Joker, Two-Face, and Penguin are bidding over Batman's secret identity]'' :'''Two-Face''': $500,000 :'''Penguin''': Poof. Chicken feed. I'll bet a million! :'''Two-Face''': ''TWO'' Million! :'''Strange''': I have two million. Do I hear three? :'''Joker''': Hold it, hold it, HOLD IT! :'''Two-Face''': Get outta my face, clown! :'''Joker''': Which one? :''[An angered Two-Face is about to attack Joker, but Penguin intervenes]'' :'''Penguin''': Gentlemen, it behooves us not to fight amongst ourselves. :'''Joker''': Well put, sardine breath! I think we should ''pool'' our resources on this. $51,240,685! ''[gets out a little coin purse, and pours out some coins]'' And uh, 53 cents. :'''Strange''': Sold! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Strange''': Joker, please! I was set up! Bruce Wayne is Batman! :'''Two-Face''': That's absurd! I know Bruce Wayne. If he's Batman, I'm the King of England! :'''Joker''': And people say I'M crazy! ===''Heart Of Steel Part 1'' [1.38]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': And who's your little friend? :''[Barbara takes a teddy bear out of her purse]'' :'''Barbara Gordon''': Oh, this is Wubby. I've had him forever. Dad won't pick me up at the airport without bringing him along. :'''Commissioner Gordon''': ''[blushing]'' Well... he knows the way better than I do. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': ''[After learning about the AI project]'' Sounds as if the human race could become quite expendable, except for butlers, of course. :'''Batman''': Of course. ===''Heart Of Steel Part 2'' [1.39]=== :'''Randa''': You have immobilized the maker. :'''[[w:HARDAC|HARDAC]]''': His human imperfection endangers the plan. He must be improved upon. <hr width="50%"/> :'''HARDAC''': The maker's concept was sound, but he did not go far enough - which is why I have taken over. ===''If You're So Smart, Why Aren't You Rich?'' [1.40]=== :'''[[w:Riddler|Edward Nygma]]''': ''[Being cheated out of the sales of his game]'' You are a fool, Mockridge, to think you can get away with this! Your amoral greed is no match for an intellect like mine! :'''Mockridge''': Oh, yeah? Then tell me something, Eddie: if you're so smart, why aren't you ''rich?'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman reprograms the Hand of Fate, and uses it to carry himself and Robin to the centre of the maze]'' :'''Riddler''': That is grand-scale CHEATING, Batman! You're not allowed to tamper with the Hand of Fate! :'''Batman''': I don't believe in fate! :'''Riddler''': You probably don't believe in Minotaurs either, but you'll still have to answer the Riddle. :'''Minotaur Robot''': ''I have billions of eyes, yet I live in darkness. I have millions of ears, yet only four lobes. I have no muscles, yet I move two hemispheres. What am I?'' :'''Batman''': ''[pauses in thought]'' That's simple: the human brain. ''[The Minotaur backs away]'' It has billions of optic and auditory nerves, four lobes and two hemispheres, and it's the only thing Edward Nygma respects. :'''Riddler''': A lucky guess, that's all! But it won't save you, Batman! ''[to the Minotaur]'' DESTROY THEM! ===''Joker's Wild'' [1.41]=== :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[as Joker changes the channel in the TV]'' Hey, I was watching that! :'''Joker''': And now you're watching this! :'''Poison Ivy''': Change it back! :'''Joker''': Nope, nope, nope, nope, don't want to. :'''Poison Ivy''': Guard! :'''Security Guard''': What's the problem? :'''Joker''': Don't look now, Sonny Jim, but the plant lady's gone whackers again. :'''Poison Ivy''': He started it! I was just sitting here! :'''Joker''': That's right, you're always blaming me. And the children wonder why we fight! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...the Joker's Wild! :''[Cameron Kaiser cuts the ribbon and unveils a casino with a gigantic Joker head. He is seen spoken to by Summer Gleeson]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': Ugh, that is disgusting! :'''Cameraman''': Psst, Summer! We're on the air! :'''Summer Gleeson''': ''[mortified]'' Oh! Uh... there you have it! Let's get a reaction from the guests. Mr. Wayne? :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[equally nauseated]'' No comment. :'''Summer Gleeson''': Mr. Kaiser, why build a casino seemingly in honor of one of history's most notorious outlaws? :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Summer, please! Wild Joker is a classic symbol, long associated with cards and games. I can't help it if there's a some passing resemblance to some criminal fruitcake. :''[An enraged Joker smashes the television]'' :'''Joker''': How dare that smug, preening fool try to cash in on ''MY'' image! :'''Poison Ivy''': Now who should lighten up? :'''Joker''': Don't get cute with me, Red. He's ripping me off! I'll protest! Yeah! I'll sue! Then I'll rip his lungs out! And I will, too! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': It was a scheme worthy of ''me'', Kaiser, the way you got me riled up and turned me loose on this place! :'''Cameron Kaiser''': You...! You were supposed to destroy the casino! :'''Joker''': Yeah, but then I realized it'd be more fun to get rid of you and run the show myself! :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Bu-But you can't...! :'''Joker''': Oh please, Mr. Kaiser! You of all people should have realized there'd be a Joker in the deck! ''[laughs]'' ===''Tyger Tyger'' [1.42]=== :'''Dorian''': I want to test Tygrus' reflexes and feral strength, and who better to pit him against than you? I'll give you a generous head start before I release Tygrus. If you defeat him, I shall relinquish this, the antigen to reverse Catwoman's mutation. :'''Batman''': How do I know you'll keep your word? :'''Dorian''': You don't. The clock is ticking, Batman. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': So you ''can'' talk. :'''Tygrus''': My father taught me. :'''Batman''': Your father was a test tube. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': Batman! The antidote! I'll be stuck like this forever! :'''Tygrus''': Would that be so bad? You could stay here, with me. :'''Catwoman''': Oh, Tygrus... I can't live like this, I have to be human again. :'''Tygrus''': ''[sadly, taking her hands in his]'' Goodbye, Selina. :''[As he leaves, Catwoman sees that he has given here the serum. She looks overjoyed, then calls out to him]'' :'''Catwoman''': Wait - won't you come with us? There's nothing for you here. :'''Tygrus''': There's nothing for me anywhere. ''[disappears into the falling rain]'' :'''Batman''': ''[in voiceover]'' "[[w:The Tyger|Tyger Tyger burning bright, in the forests of the night: what immortal hand or eye, dare frame thy fearful symmetry?]]" ===''Moon Of The Wolf'' [1.43]=== :'''Professor Milo''': What you're suffering from is an early stage of lycanthropy, more commonly known as werewolfism; for that I have no treatment. However, advanced werewolfism can be cured. :'''Anthony Romulus''': ''[after a wolf howls, Anthony starts transforming]'' Ohhh, you fool! There's no telling what the werewolf might do! :'''Professor Milo''': Hey, ask me if I care. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Do me a favour, shaggy: stay down! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bullock''': No trace of Wolfie! We checked the shoreline for miles! But in four weeks, there's another full moon. Then we'll know for sure. ===''Day Of The Samurai'' [1.44]=== :''[Batman swoops away after rescuing his Sensei's student, Kairi]'' :'''Kairi''': ''[In Japanese]'' Spirit of the bat... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yoru''': If you see Batman, tell him I have great respect for him. :'''Bruce''': Why? He's as much a ninja as Kyodai was. :'''Yoru''': Not so. Batman offered to help his adversary, and a lesser man would have used the secrets of the Onemuri touch against his opponent. Batman is the essence of samurai, Wayne-san. You would do well to remember that. :'''Bruce''': ''[bows]'' Domo arigato, sensei. ===''Terror In The Sky'' [1.45]=== :'''Batman''': Reports of a huge bat creature the size of a man. Remind you of anybody? :'''Alfred''': Present company excluded? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You couldn't leave it alone, could you, March? You've recreated the mutagen. :'''March''': ''[aiming a tranquilizer rifle at him]'' Recreated it? I've ''refined'' it! At night, on my own, so the others wouldn't know. I still believe only a creature like a Man-Bat can survive the next evolutionary cataclysm - and it will! My new serum could be even more powerful than Kirk's! :'''Batman''': ''[after disarming March]'' "''Could'' be"? What do you mean? :'''March''': I needed to test it, but before I had the chance-- :'''Batman''': ''[clearly surprised]'' You mean you ''haven't'' taken it? :'''March''': Of course not! The experimental batch was destroyed. I'll have to-- :'''Batman''': Destroyed? How? :'''March''': I'd been working through the night. I was just completing the final combination. ''[remembers incident at his lab as he drops the beaker of mutagen upon Francine's surprise entry]'' Francine burst in. I was startled. You have to understand I was very tired, I accidentally dropped the beaker. The whole night's work, ruined! Francine never guessed what I was doing, she even helped me clean up the mess. All that... glass! ''[recalls Francine licking her finger after it is pricked by a small shard of glass]'' Oh... oh, my lord... Francine! The mutagen - it's in ''her'' bloodstream now! ''[breaks down at his folly as Batman loads a tranquilizer into a pistol of his and then gives March the formula paperwork]'' :'''Batman''': Is ''that'' what it's going to take? Your daughter's life, before you end this insanity? :''[Later that night, March burns the files]'' ===''Almost Got 'Im'' [1.46]=== :'''Joker''': I want a nice clean game, gentlemen. :'''Penguin''': That'll be a first. So, I hear 'you-know-who' nailed the Mad Hatter last week. :'''Joker''': No kidding. He sure gets around for one guy. :'''Two-Face''': Yeah, well that's where you're wrong. I don't think it IS one guy. :'''[[w:Killer Croc|Killer Croc]]''': Huh? :'''Two-Face''': The way I figure it, Gordon's got a bunch of 'em stashed someplace like a SWAT team. He wants you to think it's one guy, but- :'''Joker''': Meh. You're always seeing double. :'''Penguin''': It's obvious our caped friend suffered some crime-related trauma when he was younger. Perhaps an over-anxious mugger blew off a piece of his face. :'''Joker''': Sure! He could be all gross and disgusting under that mask! ''[as Two-Face crushes a milk carton]'' Uh, no offense, Harv. :'''Two-Face''': Just deal. :'''Killer Croc''': Well, ya know what ''I'' think? :'''Joker''': Not the robot theory again... :'''Killer Croc''': Well, he COULD be. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Two-Face''': Poison Ivy... :'''Poison Ivy''': It's been a long time Harvey. You're still looking...halfway decent. :'''Two-Face''': Half of me wants to strangle ya. :'''Poison Ivy''': And what's the other part want? :'''Two-Face''': To hit you with a truck! :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[to the others]'' We used to date. :'''Penguin/Joker''': Ah. ===''Birds Of A Feather'' [1.47]=== :'''[[w:Penguin (comics)|Penguin]]''': Say, who's there? Two-Face? Croc? Joker, old shoe? :'''Batman''': None of the above, Penguin. :'''Penguin''': Oh no, not you... :'''Batman''': Get used to it. Wherever you go, I'll be right behind you. :'''Penguin''': Precisely where you belong. But you needn't bother. Haven't you heard? I've reformed. Paid my debt to society, and all that. :'''Batman''': We'll see. I just came to tell you to keep your beak clean. :'''Penguin''': ''[grabs a can of rat poison]'' As long as you're here, won't you stay for a cappuccino? :''[Batman gives him an annoyed look before leaving]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Batman defeats a gang of thugs threatening the Penguin and Veronica]'' :'''Batman''': I knew you couldn't stay clean for more than one day. :'''Veronica''': Let him go! He didn't do anything. It was those brutes! :'''Batman''': ''[genuinely surprised]'' He wasn't with them? :'''Penguin''': That's right, you vulgar vigilante! In my day, I associated with a much higher class of riff-raff! :'''Veronica''': I'm so sorry, Ozzie. :'''Penguin''': As long as you weren't bruised, my peach. ''[kisses her hand]'' :'''Batman''': "Peach"? :'''Penguin''': Why don't you be a good masked man and ride off into the night? This time, ''I'll'' clean up after ''you.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Veronica''': Please, Oswald! If it's money you want, I can get you more! :'''Penguin''': ''SHUT UP!'' All I wanted from ''you'', dearie, was a little friendship. That would have cost you ''nothing.'' But now you'll pay! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Veronica''': Oswald? I really was growing fond of you. It's too bad this had to happen. :'''Penguin''': ''[coldly]'' I suppose it's true what they say: society is to blame. ''High'' society. ===''What Is Reality?'' [1.48]=== :'''Batman''': "Where does a 500 pound gorilla sleep?" "What's worse than a millipede with flat feet?" "How do you stuff five elephants into a compact car?" :'''Alfred''': Anywhere it wants, a giraffe with a sore throat, and two in the front seat, two in the back, and one in the trunk. :'''Batman''': Yeah, yeah. I know, I know. Any schoolboy knows those. But brain teasers are the Riddler's M.O. Not corny old jokes like these. :'''Alfred''': Perhaps the questions are the clues, not the answers. For example, they all seem to involve animals. :'''Batman''': Also numbers. A ''500'' pound gorilla. A millipede, meaning a thousand legs. And five elephants. Now let's convert them to Roman numerals. ''[he does, revealing the letters DMV]'' Look! :'''Alfred''': DMV... :'''Batman and Alfred''': Department of Motor Vehicles! :'''Alfred''': But I recall you mentioning he'd already obliterated his records there, so why return? :'''Batman''': For the hard copy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no tales. :'''Batman''': Another riddle, Nygma? :''[Four quarters and a single penny emerge from the return change chute]'' :'''Riddler''': It all makes sense when you add it up! :''[In the Batmobile]'' :'''Alfred''': Four quarters and a penny, sir? :'''Batman''': Penny... Penny... Cent... Red cent... Copper. It's made of copper. :'''Alfred''': And "copper" is another word for a policeman. :'''Batman''': And "no tails" would be heads. Police head... Quarters! :'''Alfred''': Police Headquarters. Bravo, sir! It does make "cents" when you add it up! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': He can't be online! I searched through every file. :'''Riddler''': You searched the software. Had you bothered to examine the hardware you would have discovered a cordless modem line. :'''Riddler''': A pity you can't earn extra lives in this game.Quite an experience being riddled with questions, isn't it, Batman :'''Robin''': Batman don't open that door Crazy Intent means Loco Motion! Batman finds himself on a chessboard: :'''Riddler''':Only Batman can put the King in check and you have to move according to the rules or its the end of the day :'''Robin''':They call you the dark Knight..so you have to move like a knight (If Batman fails to move as a knight it'll be "KNightfall" (!) :'''Riddler''':Careful, vigilante, you know what they say, "Curiosity killed the Bat". :'''Batman''': Can you solve it? :'''Robin''': Are you kidding? You're looking at the guy who solved the Baxter's Box puzzle in 37 seconds! Course, this time I don't have a sledge hammer... After escaping Riddler Virtual realty Traps, Batman tries to rescue Gordon from Riddler :'''Batman''': You may control this world, Nygma, but I still control myself! :'''Riddler''': The name is "Riddler"! Edward Nygma doesn't exist anymore! You may recall that he was once fired by an ungrateful employer! That was a private matter and was meant to remain one! :'''Batman''': Attempted homicide is never a "private matter", Nygma! :'''Riddler''': No, but it would have been if you hadn't interfered and turned Edward Nygma into a fugitive! So I deleted Nygma. Just as I'm about to delete you, Batman. :'''Batman''':Tell me this.. Riddler how can you spread your conscious thirty-two times..and still have the concentration to keep your world together? YOU CAN'T! Batman saves Gordon :'''Riddler''': No....NO..... I can escape that easy...but if the Planet was equitable...I'd still have my old Job....No...wait...I'M ...not Ready.....AHHHHH' :'''Gordon''': But we'll never find him :'''Batman''': I think he left us a clue..."If the planet were equitable, I'd still have my old job". :'''Robin''': Of course. If the "World's Fair," I'd still have my "Ex-position". Oh, give me a break. [Batman, Robin and Gordon find Riddler mind trapped in his virtual realty world] :'''Batman''': Looks like he didn't escape his virtual reality in time. :'''Robin''': You mean he's been trapped inside his own program? :'''Batman''': Could be and how to get him out may be a riddle no one can solve. ===''I Am The Night'' [1.49]=== :'''Batman''': A weary body can be dealt with. But a weary spirit? That's something else. Sometimes, old friend, I wonder if I'm really doing any good out there. :'''Alfred''': How can you doubt it? The lives you've saved, the criminals you've brought to justice-- :'''Batman''': I've put out a few fires, yes. Won a few battles. But the war goes on, Alfred. On and on... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Leslie Thompkins''': You seem quieter than usual tonight. :'''Batman''': Every year, I come here and wonder if it should be the last time. If I should put the past behind me, try to lead a normal life. :'''Dr. Thompkins''': [[George Santayana|Santayana]] says, "Those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it." :'''Batman''': He also said a fanatic is someone who redoubles his efforts while losing sight of his goal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I chose this life. I use the night - I ''became'' the night. Sooner or later, I'll go down. It might be the Joker, or Two-Face, or just some punk who gets lucky. My decision, no regrets. But I can't let anyone else pay for my mistakes. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': "[[Friedrich Nietzsche|When you look too long into the abyss, the abyss looks back through you.]]" Maybe it's time for Batman to return to the night that spawned him, before anyone else gets hurt! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[grabs Wizard]'' Up to your old tricks, I see. How about returning that suitcase to its owner? :'''Wizard''': Hey, man, I ''am'' the owner. :''[Batman, surprised, lets him go]'' :'''Wizard''': Y'know, I was kinda hoping I'd run into you. I'd been in those places like where you left me before. Heard the rap, wasn't impressed. But this time, it made sense. Maybe I was ready to hear it. So I'm heading back home. I guess I kinda owe it to you, Batman. You probably saved my life. I'll bet you hear this all the time. Look, I'm gonna miss my bus, I'll see you around. And... thanks. :''[Batman smiles as he watches Wizard leave]'' ===''Off Balance'' [1.50]=== :'''[[w:Talia al Ghul|Talia]]''': My contact lenses! I lost them when we fell! They counter the distortion effect. Without them, I'm as helpless as you. :'''Batman''': I don't do helpless. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Ra's al Ghul|Ra's al Ghul]]''': So even in defeat, the detective manages to achieve some small measure of victory. As you said, detective: this is not over. ===''The Man Who Killed Batman'' [1.51]=== :'''Joker''': You know, there's just one thing bothering me about your story, Sid. No body. No BATUS DELECTI so to speak. We need to pull a job tonight just to make sure. :'''Murphy, Joker's henchman''': Make sure what, boss? :'''Joker''': ''[surprised by Murphy's question]'' Why that old Batsy's bought the cave of course, and one more thing Murphy.....''[turning more annoyed]'' don't ask stupid questions. ''[pushes Murphy to the hyenas who scratch and lick him crazily, to Joker's satisfaction]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': I'll get the mop. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': When the cops come, stall them for awhile, just until Batman arrives. '' Got it?'' :'''Henchman''': Right, boss. :'''Joker''': ''[to Murphy, still scarred from the hyenas]'' Any questions, Murph? :'''Murphy''': No sir! :'''Joker''': ''[to Sid The Squid]'' Good man. And if Batman hasn't ''really'' gone to his final reward, ''we'll'' see that he gets there! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Dear friends... today is the day the Clown cried. And he cries not for the passing of one man, but for the death of a dream. The dream that he would someday taste the ultimate victory over his hated enemy. For it was the Batman who made me the happy soul I am today. How I agonized over the perfect way to thank him for that. Perhaps with a cyanide pie in the face. Or an exploding whoopie-cushion playfully planted in the Batmobile. But those dreams were dashed by the weaselly little gunsel sitting there in our midst. The cowardly insignificant gonif who probably got lucky when Batman slipped on the slime trail this loser left behind him. This mound of diseased hyena filth who's not fit to lick the dirt from my spats...! But I digress. The time for sorrow has passed. It's time to look to a future filled with smiles. And I'll be smiling again just as soon as we take that man THERE...and slap him in that box THERE...and roll him into that vat of acid THERE! Well that was fun...who's for Chinese?! ===''Mudslide'' [1.52]=== :'''Clayface''': ''[After civilians flee in terror upon seeing his true form]'' That's right, run! Run for your measly lives! Run from Clayface! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Clayface''': You've upstaged me for the last time, Batman. Time to bring down the curtain! ===''Paging The Crime Doctor'' [1.53]=== :'''Rupert Thorne''': You think you iced the Batman, huh? Heh heh heh... Not on your best day, Jake! I'd cover my back if I were you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce Wayne''': Bruce Wayne, Dr. Thorne. Thomas Wayne's son. Did you get my letter? :'''[[w:Joseph Campanella|Matthew Thorne]]''': Yes. Thomas Wayne... :'''Bruce Wayne''': I told you I can help with your legal costs, maybe even put in a good word with the judge. :'''Matthew Thorne''': Yes, but what do you get out of it? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Well, there is something you can do for me. :'''Matthew Thorne''': I knew it! I knew there'd be a catch. Sorry, Mr. Wayne. Matthew Thorne is no longer for sale! :'''Bruce Wayne''': I'm not looking for any illegal favors. :'''Matthew Thorne''': What then? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Something you know. Something only you can give me. ''[pause]'' Tell me about my father. :''[Dr. Thorne grins and camera pans out as he ushers Bruce to resume his seat]'' ===''Zatanna'' [1.54]=== :'''[[w:Zatanna|Zatanna]]''': What do you care about some leggy dame in nylons- or have I just answered my own question? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zatanna''': ''[About Batman's mask]'' What happened that made you put this on? :'''Batman''': A painful memory, and a promise. ===''The Mechanic'' [1.55]=== :'''The Penguin''': ''[furious at his men for stealing the wrong stamps by mistake]'' These are terrible! Terrible! :'''Eagleton''': ''[indignant]'' Come on, boss. Give me a break. We got you the stamps. What more do you want? :'''The Penguin''': ''[tossing the worthless stamps angrily]'' I wanted the rare ones! The reversed Audubons! These aren't worth enough to pay for the repairs to the limousine. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Earl Cooper''': ''[sees the damaged Batmobile]'' You been letting the kid drive again? :'''Robin''': Ha ha. Actually we were playing chicken with a penguin. :'''Batman''': Or three of his men. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Penguin is scrubbing license plates in prison]'' :'''Penguin''': ''[reading one]'' "1 BAT 4U"?! ''[breaks it in anger]'' ===''Harley and Ivy'' [1.56]=== :'''Joker''': NO, we didn't get the diamond! The Dork Knight showed up before we even got to the museum! I had a great shot at him, too. Except... my dear little Harley Quinn handed me the wrong gun! :'''Harley Quinn''': But puddin', it was kinda funny watching you shoot at him with the bang flag! ''[Rocco and Henshaw can't help laughing then stifle it as the Joker glares at them]'' :'''Joker''': ''[turning back to Harley]'' Funny? You presume to tell me what I should think is funny?!? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[Poison Ivy trips the alarm, spoiling and hers and Harley Quinn's separate robberies]'' Nice going, butterfingers! Why not turn on the Bat-Signal while you're at it? :'''Poison Ivy''': I wasn't TRYING to get caught! :'''Harley Quinn''': Could've fooled me! Hey, aren't you that plant lady Poison Oakie? :'''Poison Ivy''': Ivy! Poison IVY, not Oakie! :'''Harley Quinn''': Sorry! Harley Quinn, please to meet ya! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Poison Ivy is about to give an injection to Harley Quinn]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': I hate shots! I hate shots! :'''Poison Ivy''': Now, now. You're not immune to poison like I am, and you won't last ten minutes here in Toxic Acres without my antidote. ''[gives the injection]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': Oooh! Whew, you'd think after livin' with Mr. J, I'd be used to a little pain. :'''Poison Ivy''': Why do you put up with that clown? :'''Harley Quinn''': Don't get me wrong. My puddin's a little rough sometimes, but he loves me, really. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[sarcastically]'' Sure he does. You're just one big, forgiving doormat, aren't you? :'''Harley Quinn''': I am NOT a doormat! ...Am I? :'''Poison Ivy''': If you had a middle name, it would be Welcome. But cheer up, kid. You just need some lessons in good old female self-esteem. In other words, let's play with the boys on ''our'' terms. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': That should keep you big strong men busy while we weak little girls loot your trophy room. :'''Harley Quinn''': Gee, Ives, you got style! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[sighs softly]'' No offense, Ives, but I'm not very hungry. Somehow I don't feel like my old perky self. Something's missing. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[angrily slams her form on Harley's plate]'' Will you stop?! I can't believe you're still mooning over that psychotic creep! :'''Harley Quinn''': Well, maybe I'd feel better if I knew he missed me, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': HARLEY!!! This place is going to blinking blue blazes! Anybody seen my socks?! '''HARLEY!!!''' ''[the hyenas snarl at Joker]'' OH!! They snapped at me! What's going on, Rock? This place is a mess, no one's fed the hyenas and I can't find my socks! Where's Harley?! :'''Rocko''': Y-y-ya canned her, boss. Remember? :'''Joker''': So? She's always come back before. :'''Rocko''': Gee... I guess ya ain't seen the papers then. :'''Joker''': Papers?! What are you babbling about?! ''[snatches the newspaper from Rocko and reads an article of Harley's partnership with Poison Ivy]'' '''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!''''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[to Poison Ivy]'' I remember when I would go driving like this with Mr. J. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[imitating Harley Quinn]'' "Mr. J, Mr. J." Oh, change the record, Harl! You wanna be some wacko's victim the rest of your life?! ===''Shadow Of The Bat Part 1'' [1.57]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[indignant after reading about James Gordon's arrest]'' We'll see about this. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara Gordon]]''': So Batman can't help me? Fine. Let's see what Batgirl can do! ===''Shadow Of The Bat Part 2'' [1.58]=== :'''Two-Face''': Don't get wise with me, Mason. Remember who got you set up as Gordon's assistant? :'''Gil Mason''': Right, Harvey, right. :'''Two-Face''': ''[grabs him]'' Don't call me that! It's TWO-FACE to you, pretty boy! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I should've known it would be Two-Face. It's a perfect two-part plan. He consolidates the gangs while Mason takes over the police. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Gil Mason is about to murder James Gordon to become commissioner, and later mayor]'' :'''Gil Mason''': It's business, Jim. Nothing personal. Matter of fact, I respect you, I do. But a fellow has to take his opportunities where he finds them. And with you out of the way, I'll be mayor inside of a year! :'''Gordon''': You're SICK, Gil! ''[glances at Two-Face]'' A lot sicker than him! At least I can see his bad half! :'''Mason''': Sorry you feel that way. At least you won't have to worry about Barbara. I'll take good care of her. She's very fond of me, you know. :'''Gordon''': You piece of scum! I may not be able to stop you, but I know someone who will! :'''Mason''': I wouldn't get your hopes up. You see, there's been a recent decline in the bat population... ===''Blind As A Bat'' [1.59]=== :'''Penguin''': Your aim appears to be a little off today, Batman. I don't think you could hit the broad side of a barn, let alone the broad side of this bird! You're blind as a bat. Sightless and helpless. :'''Batman''': You've got ''one'' right. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': You have a call on your private line. :'''Bruce''': Then let's go! :'''Alfred''': In your condition, sir? :'''Bruce''': If you think a little inconvenience like this is going to stop me... :''[he knocks over a lamp]'' :'''Alfred''': Indeed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': ''[contacting Mayor Hill's office from the Raven]'' Quite a machine, this Raven. Amazing what its communications equipment can do. Don't you agree? You've received my instructions? :'''Mayor Hill''': They arrived by messenger this morning. You know, one-hundred million is a a lot of money. It'll take time to raise that much. :'''Penguin''': You're stalling, Hill. Obviously, you're not taking me seriously. I've warned you not to make that mistake. Apparently, I'll have to show you why. :''[shuts off communication and Hill angrily snaps his pencil in half]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Hill''': Just what I was afraid of. According to the controller's office, we can't come close to putting that ransom together. Not without shutting down basic municipal services. :'''Detective Bullock''': So what other options do we got? :'''Batman''': ''[emerging from the shadows]'' None, gentlemen. Which is why you're going to do exactly what the Penguin wants you to. ===''The Demon's Quest Part 1'' [1.60]=== :'''Ra's al Ghul''': As [[W:Napoleon|Napoleon]] told me, "A strong will can fuel a frail physique." <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Look at it, detective. One of the last of the rainforests. The world depends upon its oxygen, yet the rich see only profit in its destruction. You, who belong to the overclass, have much to answer for. :'''Batman''': Bruce Wayne donates millions of dollars a year to preserve these forests. :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Which are being depleted at the rate of 120,000 acres a day. Does your money solve this problem? No! It will take more than wealth. It will take power, and I fear, ruthlessness. Humankind must be forced to serve the planet instead of its own appetites. :'''Batman''': And you're the one who'll do the forcing? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': I am... qualified, yes. But I may not have sufficient lifetimes left to me. ===''The Demon's Quest Part 2'' [1.61]=== :'''Ubu''': Infidel! :'''Batman''': If you only knew how sick I am of you calling me that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ra's al Ghul''': The material of the Pit is an unknown chemical stew that bubbles to the Earth's surface only in certain key places. Even now, my people are placing bombs, such as that one, over the various Lazarus Pits around the world. These bombs are electronically linked to a private satellite already in Earth orbit. :'''Batman''': ''Orpheus''. :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Precisely. And at the moment when sun and moon are in proper alignment to cause the greatest upheaval in Earth's geomagnetic field, I shall send a signal to that satellite, beginning a countdown. Five minutes thereafter, one bomb will be lowered deep into the heart of each Pit. The satellite will in turn relay a microwave signal that will detonate all the bombs simultaneously. The multiple explosions will result in a global chain reaction. All the Lazarus Pits throughout the world will overflow. The globe will be saturated with their chemical solution, and when the resultant cataclysm has abated, there will come a blessed peace, and this poor, defiled planet shall find itself restored to its former pristine glory. :'''Batman''': But that will cost countless lives! :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Actually, Detective, we ''have'' counted: Two billion, fifty-six million, nine hundred and eighty-six thousand! A most impressive plan, would you not agree? :'''Batman''': Yes... I can see it clearly now for the first time. You are completely out of your mind. ===''His Silicon Soul'' [1.62]=== :'''Rossum''': You don't understand. You're not a man's mind in a robot's body. You're a robot. Period. :'''Bat-Duplicant''': You're lying! It's not possible! I know my family and friends! I remember names, faces, birthdays! I have memories! A past! :'''Rossum''': You have information. Data. Nothing more. Do you remember your first kiss? Your favorite song? The last time you tasted a really good steak? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[about the duplicant]'' Could it be it had a soul, Alfred? A soul of silicon, but a soul nonetheless. ===''Fire From Olympus'' [1.63]=== :'''Stavros''': Please! It's not what you think. I wasn't going to say anything. Honest! :'''[[w:Maxie Zeus|Maximillion "Maxie" Zeus]]''': Silence! First, you transgress against me. Then, you force me to descend to the mortal plane. And now, you tell me I know not what I think?! :'''Stavros''': No! :'''Zeus''': To the depths of Tartarus with you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zeus''': You bore me with these tales of petty human concerns. :'''Clio''': ''[annoyed]'' You're doing it again, Max. :'''Zeus''': You are Clio, my muse of history. Amuse me with tales of ancient times when mortals trembled at the name of Zeus. :'''Clio''': You want a story? I got one. Seems there was this guy named Max who, because he'd been lucky so far in the smuggling racket, believed himself to be untouchable, superior, godlike... :'''Zeus''': There's a cynical edge to your voice I don't appreciate. Know you not, I am above mortal constraints of right and wrong? :'''Clio''': No one is above the law, Max. :'''Zeus''': I make my own laws! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zeus''': Begone, Lord [[w:Hades|Hades]]. Get thee back to thine own realm. Do not come again to Olympus until bidden! :'''Batman''': I think I get the message. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Clio''': ''[telling Batman about Zeus]'' He wasn't always this way, you know. But then business got bad and he started handling cargo for the mob. After a while, with the pressure, the tension... things got confused. He's not living in the real world anymore. ''[awkwardly]'' Maybe you can relate to that? :'''Batman''': ''[after a short silence]'' You're the only one who can get me close enough to help him - while some of the man you knew still exists. ===''Read My Lips'' [1.64]=== :'''Batman''': How do you think I found this place? The phone book? I had help. ''Inside'' help. :'''[[w:Ventriloquist (comics)|Scarface]]''': My premonition! I knew I was right! Which one of you louses is it?! :'''Rhino''': It ain't me boss! :'''Scarface''': I know it ain't you, Rhino! You're too stupid to be a traitor! :'''Rhino''': Thanks, boss. :'''Scarface''': But whoever it is, they're gonna pay big time! Who is it?! You don't talk, you get the ultimate massage! :'''Batman''': And if I tell? :'''Scarface''': Maybe you just get run over by a truck. :'''Batman''': Tempting, but no. :'''Scarface''': Have it your way. Rhino! :''[Rhino gets ready to pull the lever to lower Batman to a pit of mannequins with razor-sharp fingernails]'' :'''Batman''': Hold it! :'''Scarface''': This is gettin' old, Bats. Last chance, who's the traitor? :'''Batman''': Him! The Ventriloquist! :''[everyone glares at the Ventriloquist]'' :'''Ventriloquist''': No, no! He's lying! I told you when he came into my room! :'''Scarface''': So what? Maybe you did 'cause I had ya cornered. Heard ya talkin' to Batman. :'''Batman''': ''[uses his own ventriloquism to imitate the Ventriloquist]'' Shut up, you blockhead! :'''Scarface''': WHAT DID YOU SAY?! :'''Ventriloquist''': It wasn't me! I didn't say that! My lips didn't move! :'''Scarface''': So what?! You're a ventriloquist! You're also a lyin' yellow liver-bellied two-face! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, Scarface! I'm loyal! I'd never! :'''Batman''': He's been feeding me information, in return for legal protection. ''[imitates the Ventriloquist again]'' You're going up the river, sawdust-for-brains! :'''Scarface''': Why, I oughta...! Waste the floor-flusher! Come on, I gave an order! ICE HIM! DO IT! DO IT NOW! :'''Muggsy''': But, boss, we ventilate the Ventriloquist, your, y'know... :'''Scarface''': I'M SURROUNDED BY TRAITORS! Okay, fine. Ya want something done right, do it yourself! ''[aims his gun at the Ventriloquist]'' ===''The Worry Men'' [1.65]=== :'''Veronica''': If ever someone led a worry-free life, it's you, Bruce Wayne. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce''': Tell me, Alfred: what's an ancient Mayan witch doctor doing on a Gotham skyscraper? :'''Alfred''': This isn't one of those Riddler questions, is it? :'''Bruce''': No, but it's just as confusing. <hr width="50%"/> :''[As Batman attempts to escape from his guillotine]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Oh, you're a clever one! But I will not be denied! As the great [[w:Lewis Carroll|Lewis Carroll]] said: "[[w:Jabberwocky|One, two, one, two, and through and through the vorpal blade went snicker-snack! He left it dead, and with its head, he went galumphing back!]]" <hr width="50%"/> :''[Freed from his mind control, the Mad Hatter's jaguar gang turn on him]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Stop! :'''Shaman''': Yes, stop. Leave him to the police. :'''Mad Hatter''': Thank you. Thank you, you generous, forgiving, ''[draws a gun from his hat]'' noble fool! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': I must say, after all the Hatter put him through, that fellow showed remarkable restraint. :'''Bruce''': When everything was said and done, all the shaman really wanted was to go home. In fact, I hear he even sent the Hatter a farewell gift. :''[The Hatter is seen tossing and turning in bed in Arkham]'' :'''Bruce''': Something to ensure that Jervis Tetch only dreams of a good honest life from now on. :''[A Batman doll is revealed from under the Hatter's pillow]'' ==Season 2== ===''Sideshow'' [2.1]=== :'''Killer Croc''': You know, there's something the brains back at the joint didn't think about. :'''Prison Guard''': Yeah, what's that? :'''Killer Croc''': Crocodile's got the strongest jaws of any animal around. ''[bites his handcuffs in half]'' :'''Prison Guard''': ''[spits the coffee out of his mouth and pins Croc with the shotgun]'' Get back! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman arrives with his shadow. Goliath wakes up and Batman covers Goliath's mouth by calming him down]'' :'''Batman''': Calm down, I won't hurt you. I'm just looking for someone: half man, half crocodile. ''[Goliath looks over worriedly]'' He's in there, isn't he? :'''Goliath''': ''[Pushes Batman to the cage]'' No! Stay away! ''[Holds him against it]'' He's one of us. Croc, run! :'''Batman''': ''[Kicks Goliath into the stomach]'' I don't wanna hurt you. :'''Goliath''': Don't worry, you won't. ''[Hits Batman with the big punch and Batman and Goliath starts fighting]'' :'''Killer Croc''': ''[Comes out of the house]'' You. ''[Gives Batman a spear]'' :'''Billy''': Richard, help! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Billy the Seal Boy''': Why, Croc? Why'd you turn on us like that? We could have helped you, we could have done something. :'''Killer Croc''': You said you can be yourself out here, remember? Well, I guess that's what I was doing - being myself. ===''A Bullet For Bullock'' [2.2]=== :'''Bullock''': Let's get something straight from the get-go. I think you're a freak and a menace, and those are your ''good'' points. But the commish says you serve a purpose, so I go along. :'''Batman''': I appreciate your honesty. What's the problem? :'''Bullock''': Somebody's got it in for me. Tried to give me a fender massage last night. It ain't the first time. Last week too. :'''Batman''': Any suspects? :'''Bullock''': So many, they could have their own zip code. I've put a lot of guys away, and they hate me for it. Looks like one of them hates me enough to do something about it. :'''Batman''': Why me? Why not just go to the department? :'''Bullock''': I step on a lot of toes. I don't want Internal Affairs looking at me too close. They might find some things I don't want found. :'''Batman''': Are you on the take? :'''Bullock''': Watch it, freak! I never took a dime from nobody! I just bend the rules a little sometimes, you understand. We're not all that different. :'''Batman''': We're on the same side, but we're ''not'' the same. I'll help you find out who's after you, but you've got to collar them clean. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': We ''are'' speaking of the same person, are we not? Harvey Bullock? The detective who looks like an unmade bed? :'''Batman''': The same. :'''Alfred''': He came to ''you'' for help? It must be serious. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Montoya''': Bullock? You okay? You don't look so good. I mean, you never look good, but today you look worse. :'''Bullock''': After fifteen years working in this cesspool, I'd like to see how good ''you'' look! <hr width="50%"/> :''[In the Batmobile]'' :'''Bullock''': Nice starship you got here. What's this for? ''[points towards a button]'' :'''Batman''': Passenger ejector seat. :''[Bullock withdraws nervously, while Batman smirks slightly]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bullock''': By the way, I still think you're a freak, but... thanks. ===''Trial'' [2.3]=== :'''Two-Face''': Basic fifty-fifty option. You get him off, you both go free. He goes down, you take the fall with him. :'''Mad Hatter''': Amusing idea, what? Kidnapping you to be Batman's attorney? :'''Two-Face''': Personally, I suggested a quick slug between the eyes... but I lost the coin toss. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarface''': Court is now in session! The Good People of Arkham Asylum vs. the Self-Righteous Vigilante Called Batman! Our prosecutor is ready, likewise our fair and impartial jury. :'''Mad Hatter''': Hang him! :'''Harley''': Shoot him! :'''Killer Croc''': Hit him with a rock! :'''Scarface''': And now, all rise for the most honorable, most benevolent, most merciful Judge Joker! :'''Joker''': GUILTY! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I was promised a chance to defend my client! :'''Joker''': Oh, very well. Like it'll make a difference. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I suppose that you, like your friends, claim that Batman ''drove'' you to be a criminal? :'''Mad Hatter''': He did. :'''Janet Van Dorn''': And yet, as I recall in your case, you brainwashed and kidnapped a woman who rejected you. :'''Mad Hatter''': Batman forced me to do it! He was going to take her away from me! I had no choice! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': You could have respected her wishes and left her alone. :'''Mad Hatter''': I'D HAVE KILLED HER FIRST! ''[gasps and covers his mouth, then turns to the Joker]'' I'd like that last statement stricken from the record, please. :'''Joker''': Record? Is someone supposed to be writing this down? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': And so it's Batman's fault you lead a life of crime? :'''Poison Ivy''': He should have let me bump off Harvey Dent. We'd all have been better off - wouldn't we, Harv? :'''Two-Face''': ''[muttering while flipping his coin]'' Why, you rotten little... :'''Janet Van Dorn''': But Miss Isley, isn't the real motivation for your crimes your obsession with plants? That you prefer them to people? :'''Poison Ivy''': I love plants, honey, but a rose is a rose. :'''Janet Van Dorn''': Then it doesn't bother you when someone, let's say the judge here, ''[plucks the flower from the Joker's robe]'' ruthlessly ''plucks'' a defenceless flower from the warm green earth? :'''Poison Ivy''': No! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': Even knowing he's given it his death sentence? That its petals must die? ''[starts pulling its petals out]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': Stop it...! :'''Poison Ivy''': One by one, withering, falling. One by one till it's all gone, ''honey.'' :''[She crushes the flower so that it crumbles apart. Ivy shrieks with rage and attacks her, and the Scarecrow and Mad Hatter rush in to restrain her]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Miss Ivy, please! :'''Scarface''': You look beautiful when you're angry. :''[Ivy smacks the Ventriloquist in the face, and Scarface laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I used to believe Batman was responsible for you people. But now I see nearly everyone here would have ended up exactly the same, Batman or not. Oh, the gimmicks might be different, but you'd all be out there in some form or another bringing misery to Gotham. The truth is, ''you'' created ''him.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Well done, counsellor. You've proven that Batman ''didn't'' create us - that we, in fact, messed up our own rotten lives! And as we are so rotten, vile and depraved... we're going to waste you anyway! :''[The inmates cheer and close in on Batman and Janet]'' :'''Joker''': [[w:Porky Pig|A-bi-a-bi-a-bi, that's all, folks!]] ''[bangs down a rubber chicken]'' Let's mambo! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I see now there's a need for the things you do. But I'm still going to work towards a city that doesn't need Batman. :'''Batman''': ''[smiling]'' Me too. ===''Avatar'' [2.4]=== :'''Lucius Fox''': Without a doubt, this will be one of the best museum exhibitions Gotham City has ever seen. You can be quite the humanitarian on occasion, Bruce. It's commendable. It's inspiring. :'''Bruce''': It's deductible. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce''': You've got a serious priority problem, Ra's. What can be in that tomb that's more valuable than the love of your daughter? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Power, detective. The power once held by almighty Thoth-Khepera, Queen of Two Continents. :'''Bruce''': You surprise me, Ra's. The world's oldest chauvinist chasing after a woman? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Thoth-Khepera was not simply a woman, detective, nor merely a ruler. Through her flowed the power of the gods. With no more than a gesture, she controlled the force of life and death, and with it, she kept a nation under her thumb for one thousand years. :'''Bruce''': You sound like a bad Saturday afternoon serial, Ra's. This is sheer nonsense. :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': No, detective - I know there is a power there to be tapped! My six hundred years of life are proof of that power. :''[Bruce and Talia are trapped in a glass booth]'' :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Farewell, detective. Farewell, Talia. It is said that one finds one's immortality in one's offspring. Alas, I know that to be a lie. ===''House and Garden'' [2.5]=== :'''Batman''': She's done nothing more incriminating than return an overdue video - even paid the late fee. :'''Alfred''': Could it be Ivy truly has reformed? :'''Batman''': I want to believe it. Why can't I? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You haven't changed a bit. :'''Poison Ivy''': Yes, I have. I meant it when I said I wanted a family that loves me. I just wanted it on my terms. :'''Robin''': Lady, you're nuts! :'''Poison Ivy''': Well, that's ''your'' opinion. Probably the last one you'll ever have, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': I'm just sorry she got away. :'''Batman''': Me too, Robin. But I don't think we'll see her again anytime soon. :''[The real Ivy is shown escaping on a plane out of Gotham, looking through a scrapbook]'' :'''Batman''': Ivy lost everything she had, everything she said she ever wanted. For what it's worth, I believed her when she told me that for the first time in her life... she was happy. :''[Ivy sheds tears as she looks at a photo of her wedding]'' ===''The Terrible Trio'' [2.6]=== :'''Warren''': Is this all you do for kicks, Bruce? Charity work? :'''Bruce''': Well, I do have a night life. Pull! ''[shoots down a clay pigeon]'' Besides, it's important to help others. It may sound corny, but hey, it's how I feel. :'''Warren''': You must recognize that you are a superior animal, Bruce. A member of the elite. Pull! ''[shoots down another clay pigeon]'' Take my Delta brothers and me. Why, we've run with the bulls! :'''Armand''': Shot game from hot air balloons! :'''Gunther''': Killed a great white! :'''Warren''': We've done it all. Ah, therein lies the problem. After all, what do the rajas do when there are no more tigers to hunt? :'''Bruce''': I'm sure you'll think of something, Warren. ''[leaves]'' :'''Warren''': Dollar for dollar, that has to be the dullest man in Gotham City. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Scoundrels like these are worse than the Joker. At least he's got madness as an excuse! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Let's go, Fox. You've raided your last chicken coop. :'''Warren''': Wait, wait a minute! We can make a deal! A million dollars to let me go! ''Ten'' million! Think about it. Buys a lot of Batarangs! :'''Batman''': ''[unimpressed]'' Your money's no good here. :'''Warren''': Okay, fine! Go ahead, take me in, hero! I've got every judge in town in my pocket! You'll see! I'll get justice! The best that money can buy! :''[Next, Warren is seen being ushered into a cell at Stonegate, where his burly new cellmate gives him a menacing look]'' ===''Harlequinade'' [2.7]=== :'''Harley''': ''[in handcuffs]'' I sense a lack of trust. :'''Robin''': Are you sure you don't need help keeping Zippy under control? :''[Harley picks the lock on her cuffs while Batman speaks]'' :'''Batman''': I'm fine. Besides, I need you to be ready if Gordon's men get any leads. I'll signal if there's trouble. :'''Robin''': You got it. :'''Harley''': I wanna listen to the radio! ''[reaches for the controls]'' :'''Batman''': DON'T--! :''[Harley Quinn deploys a parachute, causing the Batmobile to swerve wildly. When the Batmobile stops, Batman is furious]'' :'''Harley''': ''[timidly]'' Oops... :'''Batman''': Listen, and listen good. You don't touch anything, say anything, or DO ANYTHING UNLESS I TELL YOU! GOT IT?! :'''Harley''': Yes, sir. :'''Batman''': ''[turns away, Harley begins making faces at him]'' So far, Joker hasn't been seen in any of his old hideouts. I want you to show me the last place he used when he escaped. ''[catches her making a face, which she replaces with a sheepish grin]'' :'''Harley''': Okay! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Instead of taking you, the cops, and the Batman down separately? I'm gonna blast you all at once! ''[takes out his phone and speaks into it]'' Send down the plane, boys! We're blowing town! Literally. ''[gets off the phone]'' :'''Mayor''': But all those innocent people... :'''Joker''': Some joke on them, eh? Think of it as the ultimate punchline! Ha ha ha ha ha! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': It's lucky you were here, Quinn. The countdown sequence didn't leave Joker enough time to swing by Arkham and pick you up. :'''Joker''': Quiet, brat. :'''Harley''': You ''were'' gonna come for me, weren't you, Puddin'? :'''Joker''': Of course, pumpkin-pie! It's just that... well, here you are, so I can, err, save myself the trip! :'''Harley''': But what about all our friends, Ivy and Two-Face and... Hat-Guy and Lizard-Man and Puppet-Head and-- ''[Joker shoves her into the plane]'' :'''Joker''': What about them? :'''Batman''': Don't forget your little pets! :'''Harley''': ''[gasps]'' The babies! We can't leave the babies! :'''Joker''': ''[shoves Harley into the plane again]'' I'll buy you a goldfish! Let's go! :'''Harley''': ''[struggling]'' NO! :'''Joker''': Why, you little...! :''[Harley kicks him in the face]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley''': ''[points the gun against Joker]'' Freeze, clown! :'''Batman''': Quinn, stop! :'''Harley''': He's mine, Bats! :'''Joker''': ''[grinning]'' You wouldn't dare. You don't have the guts! Not in a million years would you-- :''[Harley pulls the trigger - and a flag that reads "Rat-Tat-Tat" comes out of the barrel. The Joker stares at her for a moment, and throws his arms wide to embrace her]'' :'''Joker''': Baby, you're the greatest! ===''Time Out Of Joint'' [2.8]=== :'''Mayor Hill''': You! How did you get past-- :'''The Clock King''': Good evening, Mayor! Nice to see you again too. And whose life are you ruining now? A poor pensioner? A malnourished orphan, perhaps? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Hill''': Please, Fugate, don't hurt me! :'''The Clock King''': If it's any comfort, my revenge will encompass more than just you. I intend to pass a most timely sentence on the entire judicial system. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': It's a shame that you've decided to keep this device a secret. :'''Dr. Wataki''': It would seem that the world is not quite ready for it yet. :'''Robin''': Gee, that's too bad for Fugate. I'm sure he'll wish he had something to make the days pass quicker where he's going. ===''Catwalk'' [2.9]=== :'''Scarface''': Calm down, pussycat. We're all friends here. ''[to the Ventriloquist]'' Dummy, don't keep our pretty guest in the dark. :'''Ventriloquist''': Yes, sir, Mr. Scarface. ''[turns on the lot, revealing him and Scarface]'' :'''Scarface''': Ah, that's better. :'''Selina Kyle''': ''[gasps]'' You gotta be kidding! ''[laughs]'' :'''Scarface''': What's she laughin' at? My fly ain't open, is it?! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, sir. :'''Scarface''': So what's the gag? :'''Selina Kyle''': Oh come on, you know! ''[in a goofy voice]'' "What's the gag?" :'''Scarface''': ''[aims his gun at Selina]'' Can it, sister! This is Scarface you're dealing with, and I don't stand for no disrespect. :'''Ventriloquist''': I'd do as he says, ma'am. Mr. Scarface can be quite insistent. :'''Scarface''': I don't think anyone's talking to you! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, sir. No, sir. :'''Selina Kyle''': Right... so, what do you want with me? :'''Scarface''': My boys happened to be in the museum when they saw your little set-to with Miss Ronnie V. They also seen you licking your whiskers at the sight of Ronnie's pretty sparklers. :'''Selina Kyle''': You're boring me, log. :''[the Ventrloquist pulls out an envelope from his coat]'' :'''Scarface''': So what if I could provide you with a foolproof plan to snatchin' those rocks with no risk of you gettin' caught? :'''Selina Kyle''': Pass. Kitty's been staying it at night. It's not the greatest, but it beats the pound, if you know what I mean. :'''Scarface''': Now, that's a darn shame. And I thought for sure you'd want a chance to get even with the Vreelands. Not just for yourself, ya understand, but for all those poor little stuffed critters what never had the chance to fight back. :'''Selina Kyle''': Oh, barf. :'''Scarface''': It's a 50/50 cut. Take it or leave it? You in or what? :''[Selina thinks about it for a while then picks up the envelope]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': What a pleasant surprise. Though I should warn you - breaking and entering is against the law. :'''Batman''': You would know. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarface''': [[w:Tweety|I thawt I thaw a putty tat!]] <hr width="50%"/> :''[Catwoman crushes Scarface under some logs]'' :'''Catwoman''': That's one way to remove a splinter. What's wrong, Ventriloquist? Cat got your tongue? :'''Ventriloquist''': Please, I never hurt you! Scarface, he's another person, not me, really! :'''Catwoman''': But he's inside you somewhere. And I'm going to keep scratching until I find him. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': [[w:Just So Stories|I am the cat who walks by herself.]] ===''Bane'' [2.10]=== :'''Thorne''': You almost didn't get paid. You're lucky these diamonds didn't get nabbed in the smuggling bust. :'''[[w:Bane (comics)|Bane]]''': No, Mr. Thorne. You are the lucky one. ''[He punches the punching bag across the room]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': He wrecked my car, Alfred. Between two guys, that's ''real'' personal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bane''': Toys. You try to fight me with pathetic little TOYS. You've got nothing! Beg for mercy! SCREAM MY NAME! :'''Batman''': Never. :'''Bane''': You are beaten! Now I will break you! ===''Baby-Doll'' [2.11]=== :'''Robin''': ''[on "Love That Baby"]'' I remember this show from when I was a kid. It still stinks. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At Wayne Manor, Summer Gleeson is on the telephone talking to Marv Wolfman at her office.]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': I don't care what Mayor Hill says. The people have a right to know, and if he won't talk to us-- ''[Batman drops a photo of Baby-Doll onto her desk]'' I'll call you back, Marv. ''[to Batman and Robin]'' Since when are you interested in has-been actors? :'''Batman''': Since that one's been kidnapping her co-stars. :'''Summer Gleeson''': You're serious? :'''Robin''': She's been picking them off, one by one. Any reason she'd have a grudge? :'''Summer Gleeson''': Actually, ''they'' should hate ''her.'' Dahl put them all out of work when she quit the series to become a "dramatic" actress. :''[Summer plays a video of Mary Dahl playing Lady Macbeth]'' :'''Mary Dahl''': What, will these hands never be clean? Here's the smell of the blood still. All the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand. :'''Robin''': Pee-yew! :'''Summer Gleeson''': That's what the critics said. Baby's dramatic career flopped, and when she tried to start her TV show again, the networks turned her down. :'''Batman''': That still doesn't explain why she's after her old cast. :'''Robin''': ''[picks up a cassette]'' Maybe there's a clue in these old episodes. :'''Summer Gleeson''': You can borrow them if you want. And when you crack the case, you can pay me back with an exclusive... ''[turns to see that they have gone]'' interview. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': Naughty, naughty, Daddys! Mustn't yell at your Baby like thats. :'''Tod Baker''': You're not my daughter, and we're not a family! We're actors, remember?! You cancelled our show because you whined you weren't getting enough attention! :'''Baby-Doll''': ''[putting on a sad face]'' But I knows now I made a boo-boo! ''[sniffles and breaks character]'' It was hard for me out there. I studied and trained and auditioned, but no one wanted me. ''[plays the sound of a crowd going "Aww..." on her tape recorder]'' Over the years, I remembered how happy I was with all of you around me, and the folks at home watching me each week. Me, ''[goes back into her "cute" voice]'' Baby-Doll! ''[giggles]'' Now I'm Baby for good, and everyone will love me agains! Hugs, hugs! :''[Her goons force the actors to share a hug with her, and she plays the "Aww..." again]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': ''[watching episodes of Baby Doll's old TV show]'' Remember that time Poison Ivy nearly smothered us in those vines, with the ''really'' sharp thorns? :'''Batman''': Yes. :'''Robin''': This is worse. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': ''[after her TV brother is rendered unconscious by her bodyguard]'' Sorry I had to play roughs, Tippy. I didn't mean to. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': ''[Mariam kicks Robin around]'' Wow, lady! You're good! :'''Mariam''': It's a living... <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman pursues Baby-Doll in a funhouse tunnel maze]'' :'''Baby-Doll''': Silly Mr. Batman can't catch me! :'''Batman''': Don't run away! I know you're scared, confused - I can help you! :'''Baby-Doll''': Liar, liar, cape on fire! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': Game's over, Mr. Batman! ''[laughs]'' I WIN! ''[Batman fires his grappling gun, knocking the doll-gun down a slide]'' No fair! ''[runs to retrieve it, and stumbles into a room full of fun-house mirrors. Picks up the gun, wandering through the various distorted reflections, until she comes to one that shows her as an adult]'' Look! That's me in there. The ''real'' me! There I am... ''[touches the reflection, and her face changes]'' ...But it's not ''really'' real, is it? Just... made up and pretend, like my family and my life and everything else! ''[turns to face Batman, who stands behind her]'' '''''WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST LET ME MAKE-BELIEVE?!''''' ''[fires at mirrors, and cries after breaking the mirror with her adult reflection. Batman approaches her]'' I didn't ''mean'' to... ===''The Lion And The Unicorn'' [2.12]=== :''[Alfred breaks a chair over a thug's head.]'' :'''Robin''': And here all I thought you dusted was furniture. :'''Alfred''': A [[w:Louis XV|Louis Quinze]]; what a pity. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred Pennyworth''': ''[after being drugged with a truth serum]'' You'll get nothing but gibberish out of me, madam. I come from haunts of cootenfern and knicker sudden Sally. Uh... dee-dum dee-dum dee-dum dee-dum, and bicker down the valley. :'''Red Claw''': And people wonder why no one takes Britain seriously anymore. ===''Showdown'' [2.13]=== :'''Sheriff''': Well, well. Jonah Hex, his own bad self. Been here five minutes and you ain't killed nobody nor set nothin' on fire. Slippin', ain't you? :'''[[w:Jonah Hex|Jonah Hex]]''': I'm still a little bushed. :'''Sheriff''': Fact is, you look a little past it, Hex. Not tired, just all used up. :'''Hex''': Well, when I get pushed, I can still shoot a fly out from between its wings. Provided the light's right, of course... and it's a big ''plump'' fly. :''[The sheriff glances down at his own portly figure. Two other bargoers retreat outside, sensing trouble.]'' :'''Sheriff''': I ain't got nothin' on you, Hex... yet. Just remember, them wanted posters say "dead or alive". You might try "alive" this time. :'''Hex''': First time for everything. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duvall''': It would appear we have ourselves a government spy. A rather disreputable-looking one at that. Well, Mr. Spy, I'd say your plan has failed, and the railroad is doomed. :'''Hex''': I ain't no spy! I'm Jonah Hex, and I don't give a tinker's cuss about no railroad. I've come to get ''you'', Arkady Duvall, on account of what you done to that girl back east. :'''Duvall''': ''[chuckles]'' You mean to say, you've tracked me across ''twelve states'' because of that? :'''Hex''': Well, there's also the matter of a 200 dollar reward. That part don't hurt my feelings none. :'''Duvall''': You're either a liar or a fool. :'''Hex''': I've been known to be foolish, but ain't ''nobody'' calls me a liar and goes to bed happy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hex''': Now! Let's you and me dance. :'''Duvall''': You cannot defeat me. I am a Heidelberg fencing champion. :'''Hex''': My heart's all a-flutter. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duvall''': Five thousand in gold, take it. Leave me be. :'''Hex''': It ain't about money, boy. It's about justice. And I aim to serve you some. :'''Duvall''': Let me live, please! :'''Hex''': I will. Only because it's too much trouble to haul your stinkin' carcass back east. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You left Duvall to his fate a century ago. Why come back for him now? :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Did you really think, detective, that in my six hundred years of life, I would have sired only ''one'' offspring? Even before the Phoenix debacle, I had come to realize that Arkady was too unbalanced and cruel to wisely rule my empire. :'''Batman''': But you couldn't forget about him. :'''Ra's al Ghul''': What father can ever forget his son? Come now, detective, I've still a few good years left. We will cross swords another day. But for now, let me take my boy home. ===''Riddler's Reform'' [2.14]=== :''[After learning about the theft of historical antiquities on TV]'' :'''Riddler''': ''[in Bruce's memory]'' Those are things of the past, Batman. Ancient history that's gone now. I'm a new man! But you probably won't figure that out before it's too late! ''[laughs]'' :'''Bruce''': ''He'' did it. :'''Dick''': Who? :'''Bruce''': The Riddler. Remember what he said: "Things of the past." "Ancient history that's gone now." Look! :'''Dick''': Gee, I don't know. His riddles aren't usually that subtle. Besides, he's got a multimillion dollar deal with that toy company. Why would he throw it away over some stupid riddle crime? :'''Bruce''': Because that's the way his warped mind works. He's obsessed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': He's right, you know. :'''Manny''': Who? :'''Riddler''': Batman. He ''is'' going to catch me, sooner or later. :'''Manny''': Gee, boss, you're scaring me. You're talking kinda crazy. :'''Riddler''': DON'T YOU ''EVER'' CALL ME THAT! I fooled the police, the doctors, the Parole Board - all of them! There's only one person who's ever been able to challenge me: ''BATMAN!'' He's the only one worthy of the game! :'''Manny''': But you said sooner or later he's gonna catch you. What are you gonna do? :'''Riddler''': I'm never going back to Arkham! So I guess there's only one thing to do! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': Hello, Batman. This is it: the end of the game. I'm a little sad actually. You were a worthy opponent. But then, I told you I'd make a ''killing'' at the Toy Fair! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': ''[ranting in a cell in Arkham]'' It's IMPOSSIBLE, I tell you! Impossible! My trap was perfect! How did he do it?! I have to know! SOMEBODY TELL ME! IT'S NOT FAIR! THERE WAS NO WAY, I TELL YOU! NO WAY HE COULD HAVE GOTTEN OUT! SOMEBODY TELL ME! DO YOU HEAR ME?! SOMEBODY TELL ME HOW HE DID IT! I HAVE TO KNOW! '''''I HAVE TO KNOOOOOOOOOW!!!''''' ===''Second Chance'' [2.15]=== :'''Penguin''': And what might ''you'' be doing out there? Catching insects for dinner? :'''Batman''': I'm looking for Two-Face. :'''Penguin''': What, did you lose him? ''[chuckles]'' :'''Batman''': Somebody kidnapped him from Gotham Central tonight. You and he had a disagreement sometime ago, didn't you? :'''Penguin''': It's true. Harvey stole a rare ''avis'' right out from under my beak several months ago. A jewel-encrusted statuette of a two-headed [[w:roc (mythology)|roc]]. It was worth millions. But, my dear rodent, I'd never kidnap a fellow rogue out of his sickbed. It just isn't done. :'''Batman''': Honour among thieves? :'''Penguin''': Absolutely. If I were going to attack Harvey, I'd do it face to face... to face, heh, so to speak. Like THIS! ''[laughs and unleashes his birds on Batman]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You may as well come out. I know everything now. :''[A man emerges, his identity obscured by shadows]'' :'''Batman''': You hated Harvey Dent, and would do anything to destroy him. :''[Lightning flashes, revealing the man to be Two-Face himself]'' :'''Two-Face''': Why not? He was going to destroy me. Just like I'm going to destroy you! ''[attacks him]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Harvey, pull yourself up! :'''Harvey''': I can't! I'll drop the coin! :'''Batman''': Drop it! Save yourself! :'''Harvey''': I... I don't know what to do. The coin won't tell me! :'''Batman''': It can't tell you anything! I switched coins when you grabbed me! :'''Robin''': ''[swings and kicks the thugs out of Batman's way]'' Good thing I decided to tag along after all. :'''Batman''': It's a trick coin! It'll always land on edge! It's ''your'' decision now, Harvey! Life or death? The coin or me? :''[Robin threw the batarang to hit the elevator button to send the thug in an elevator, thunderstruck and Harvey/Two-Face decided to drops the coin]'' :'''Harvey''': Batman, help me. :''[Batman tries to give Harvey a hand, but Two-Face suddenly regains control]'' :'''Two-Face''': Never! ''[punches Batman and falls]'' :'''Batman''': ''HARVEY!!!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harvey''': ''[seen in half-shadow, making him appear to once again be Harvey Dent instead of Two-Face]'' Bruce? Good old Bruce. Always there. You never give up on me. :''[Bruce Wayne smiles and pats Harvey's shoulder before he is escorted away]'' :'''Dick''': He's right. You're always there for him. :'''Bruce''': Yes, just like you're always there for me. :'''Dick''': Hey, what are friends for? ===''Harley's Holiday'' [2.16]=== :'''Scarecrow''': I am the Master of Fear! The Lord of Despair! Cower before me in witless terror! :'''Harley''': Hi, Professor Crane! :'''Scarecrow''': ''[Smiling fondly]'' Good evening, child. ''[To Batman and Robin, furiously]'' Worship me, you fools! Worship me! Scream hosannas of anguish to Scarecrow, the all-terrible God of Fear! ''[Guards take him away]'' :'''Robin''': I think he's getting better. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley''': I'm having a BAD DAY! I'm sick of people trying to shoot me, run me over and blow me up! I didn't even get to keep my new dress - I ACTUALLY PAID FOR IT! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman and Robin take Harley back to Arkham]'' :'''Harley''': ''[sadly]'' [[w:To market, to market|Home again, home again, diggity dig...]] :'''Dr. Joan Leland''': Not for too long, though. Ms. Vreeland dropped the kidnapping charges. With a little more hard work, you should be ready to re-enter society for good. :'''Harley''': Yay... ''[to Batman]'' There's one thing I've gotta know. Why'd you stay with me all day, risking your butt for someone who's never given you anything but trouble? :'''Batman''': I know what it's like to try and rebuild a life. ''[takes her dress out of a bag]'' I had a bad day too, once. :'''Harley''': ''[takes the dress, smiling]'' Nice guys like you shouldn't have bad days. ===''Lock-Up'' [2.17]=== :'''Scarecrow''': Don't take me back there, please! Look at me, Batman! I'm shaking with fear! Me! The Scarecrow! I wasn't even going back to crime this time! I just had to get away from... HIM! :'''[[w:Lock-Up (comics)|Lyle Bolton]]''': I'll take it from here, Batman. Lyle Bolton, Chief of security. Congratulations, Professor Crane. You're the first inmate to escape Arkham under my charge. ''[He grabs Crane by the collar; Crane whimpers]'' You're also the last. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bartholomew''': Miss Quinn? Do you have any complaints against Mr. Bolton? :''[Lyle Bolton sneers threateningly at Harley Quinn]'': :'''Harley Quinn''': I got nothing to say. :'''Bartholomew''': But surely you must have something you wish to- :'''Harley Quinn''': You got a hearing problem or something?! NO! NADA! IXNAY! ZERO! ZILCH! BUPKES! NOTHING! OKAY?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': He threatens us! Takes away our privileges, even when we're good! :'''[[w:Lock-Up (comics)|Lyle Bolton]]''': We've heard enough of this nonsense. :'''Jonathon Crane''': He says scum like us must be kept in line! That's why he chains us down at night and electrifies our doors! :'''Scarface''': He held me over a can filled with a termites! Ya hear me?! ''TERMITES!'' :'''Harley Quinn''': He's an animal! :'''Ventriloquist''': A monster! :'''Jonathon Crane''': Keep him away! :'''Lyle Bolton''': '''SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU!''' :''[The guards retrain Lyle Bolton, he kicks the table, resists the guards and attack and them; he threatens to kill the inmates, and Bruce Wayne trips him with the chair]'' :'''Lyle Bolton''': You're all scum! You should be beaten within an inch of your misbegotten lives! :'''Bartholomew''': I've seen enough! ''[pounds the gravel]'' Lyle Bolton, you're dismissed! :'''Lyle Bolton''': Before I came here, Arkham was a revolving door for every maniac in Gotham. ''I'' kept them in! '''ME!''' Now I realize I was wrong to punish those pathetic miscreants! '''THEY'RE ONLY SYMPTOMS! ''YOU'RE'' THE CAUSE! THE GUTLESS POLICE, MINDLESS BUREAUCRATS, AND CODDLING DOCTORS! YOU SHOULD ALL BE LOCKED UP IN A CAGE WITHOUT A KEY!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lock Up''': I could have rid Gotham of the fools in city hall and the police department! We could have made our own order! :'''Batman''': I was born to fight your brand of order! :'''Lock Up''': If that's your decision...! ===''Make 'Em Laugh'' [2.18]=== :'''Dispatcher''': Disturbance reported at the top of the Crown restaurant. Suspect is a male costumed extremist armed with what appears to be a... ketchup gun. :'''Batman''': It's going to be one of those nights. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Condiment King''': So long, suckers! Parting is such "sweet-and-sour" sorrow. ''[Batman yanks away his loot bag]'' What's this? Ah! The big bad Bat-guy. I knew you'd "ketchup" to me sooner or later. How I've "relished" this meeting. You, the dynamic Dark Knight, versus me, the conceptual Condiment King! Come, Batman. Let's see if you can "cut the mustard". :'''Batman''': Quiet! ''[punches the King in the stomach]'' :'''Condiment King''': ''[slumps to ground, gasping]'' You hit me! :'''Batman''': Now listen, Mustard Man, or whatever you call yourself. You're obviously new at this, so I'm willing to go easy on you, provided you give back the loot and never even think about doing this again. Deal? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Buddy's agent''': I don't get it. Buddy's just thrown his entire career away. The network's cancelling his show and the restaurant's suing him for a million dollars. Why did he do it? It just doesn't make sense. ===''Deep Freeze'' [2.19]=== :'''Batman''': Men like Walker are obsessed with getting their own way. And they don't let little things like the ''law'' stop them. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grant Walker''': Do you realize that in your half-frozen state, you will age more slowly than an ordinary human? You're practically immortal, my friend! :'''Mr. Freeze''': Yes, eternal life trapped in this wretched shell! What a miserable joke. :'''Grant Walker''': Miserable to you, but a godsend to me. Look at me, Mr. Freeze, I'm an old man. I've created wonders in my lifetime, but there is still so much to do! I want to change as you have. To become, like you, a being of blessed, eternal cold. :'''Mr. Freeze''': You're insane. :'''Grant Walker''': Only you know how to duplicate the accident that made you what you are. What I long to become! :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[grabs him]'' You want to live like this? Abandoned and alone? A prisoner in a world you can see but never touch? ''[drops him and turns away]'' Old and infirm as you are, I'd trade a thousand of my frozen years for your worst day. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grant Walker''': Every time I open a park, I get gatecrashers. :'''Batman''': We've seen your insane vision of the future, Walker. :'''Grant Walker''': My world will have no crime, violence or pain. :'''Robin''': You can add free will to that list too! :'''Grant Walker''': A small price to pay for order. :'''Batman''': ''Your'' order! For your select few! :'''Grant Walker''': Excuse me, but I fail to see the problem with that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You can't let Walker do this. Billions of people will perish! :'''Mr. Freeze''': That's not my concern. All that matters is I once again have my wife, and the means to restore her. :'''Batman''': She'll wake up in a dead, frozen world that ''you'' helped destroy. She'll ''hate'' you for that! :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''Silence.'' :'''Batman''': You think you're alone now? Wait until she learns the truth. :'''Mr. Freeze''': '''I SAID ''SILENCE!''''' ''[blasts at Batman and Robin, knocking them backward, then turns back to Nora with a saddened face]'' Forgive me... ''[frees Batman and Robin]'' Come, there is much to do. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Dick recovers from hypothermia]'' :'''Dick''': Man, if I spent any more time in that immersion tank, I'd be growing gills. :'''Bruce''': I'm just glad I was able to get you back here in time. :'''Dick''': Thanks. For a while I thought I'd end up like Walker, trapped in a ice cube forever. What about Mr. Freeze? Do you think he's gone for good? :'''Bruce''': I'm not sure. But if Freeze's condition has made him truly immortal... we may not have seen the last of him. ===''Batgirl Returns'' [2.20]=== :'''Catwoman''': Bats are just mice with wings, little girl. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Batgirl|Batgirl]]''': So, what are you going to do? Leave us over one of these vats with acid burning through the rope? :'''Daggett''': ''[Laughs]'' If there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's that you crime-fighting types are very resourceful. So, I'll just have my men shoot you and throw your bodies in the vats. == About ''{{PAGENAME}}'' == *'''PD''': If I had to differentiate between [Batman and Superman], I'd say Superman is sort of about hope. You've got this guy who's an alien and not truly human, but he personifies all the best qualities of humanity. He's sort of an example of what it would be nice to be like. We would all like to be like Superman. We would all like to have power, compassion, the ability to settle problems in a good way, and maybe [be able to] wink to ourselves about how nobody else besides us knows we really have this secret power and we keep it ourselves. There's not a lot of angst with Superman. If there is, it's more like, "I wish I could tell Lois who I really was." Batman is how you'd like to be if you [could] break someone's neck: "I'm pissed off, and I want to go out and do something about it." Superman waits for trouble to happen, and then he goes off and stops the problem. Batman's looking for trouble; he doesn't really start it, but he's out there looking. And if he sees something going on, he just jumps into the middle of it. :'''JA''': Batman's sort of a sociopath too. :'''PD''': He's absolutely a sociopath. He's a sociopath with a lot of money, and he's got a sense of right and wrong. I don't think he's totally bereft of some sort of compassion or feeling for some of the villains. He doesn't go after somebody like Mr. Freeze without a small bit of compassion for the man, or maybe someone like the Mad Hatter, or even Harley, whom he thinks is certainly a pain in the ass, but I think he kind of wishes she'd get her act together and wise up at some point. <br> But with darker characters like the Scarecrow and the Joker, he's basically out to make sure they never get out again - whatever it takes to take them down. Somebody like the Joker is probably the least human of all of Batman's Rogues Gallery. That was why I never wanted to do a story that humanizes the Joker, like we did with the Mad Hatter or Mr. Freeze, because I just don't think the character lends itself to that. He's almost supernatural in a way; he's somebody who's just thoroughly insane, who does what he wants to do, and who has a grudge against Batman. He probably likes horrifying people with his clownish appearance as much as Batman terrorizes criminals with his nightmare-like appearance. The Joker is pretty inhuman. I'd say the same thing about the Scarecrow. He is someone who really gets turned on by scaring people. He's like the anti-Batman. He's a weak, very unimposing man until he puts on the Scarecrow costume, and then goes out and gasses people with fear gas, and he watches them squirm. There's probably a big turn-on seeing people helpless in front of him screaming in fear. *'''PD''': When [[w:Tim Burton|Tim Burton]]'s ''[[Batman (1989 film)|Batman]]'' came out, that was the way to go. Now [[w:Joel Schumacher|Joel Schumacher]]'s [[Batman Forever|Batman]] is out there, and people are flocking to the movies, so they"re saying, "Can you lighten up the show a little bit? Can you have more fun with it?" So that's what we were charged with doing, and that's what we've done: to lighten up the color palette a little bit, so that every character's not just in dark colors. Robin, for instance, is now black, red, and gold, instead of green. Nightwing is black and a light, almost iridescent, blue. We've also given it a little more of a kid-friendly look. :* [[w:Paul Dini|Paul Dini]], [http://animationarena.com/batman_the_animated_series.html "Batman: The Animated Series"], ''Animation Arena''. * The thing with the Batman show—even though it's one of the most beautiful and well-written shows, and it really gets into Batman—is that it doesn't really move that fast. The fight scenes aren't that intense, and it doesn't really go actiony. There's a lot of walking and talking in it. It looks great, but it needs that kick of having action. And I think that's another thing that kids are picking up on: For the first time, you're actually seeing superheroes really fight bad guys. In a lot of the cartoons when I was growing up, like [[w:Super Friends|Super Friends]], there was no fighting of bad guys. They would just get sent off to jail. It was wacky, it was silly, it wasn't intense, and there wasn't real fighting and stuff in it. ** [[w:Craig McCracken|Craig McCracken]] [http://www.avclub.com/article/the-powerpuff-girls-13665 "The Powerpuff Girls"], Keith Phipps, ''A.V.Club'', Jun 21, 2000. == Cast == * [[Kevin Conroy]] - [[w:Batman|Bruce Wayne/Batman]] * [[w:Loren Lester|Loren Lester]] - [[w:Dick Grayson|Dick Grayson/Robin]] * [[w:Melissa Gilbert|Melissa Gilbert]] - [[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara Gordon/Batgirl]] * [[w:Clive Revill|Clive Revill]]/[[w:Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.|Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.]] - [[w:Alfred Pennyworth|Alfred Pennyworth]] * [[w:Bob Hastings|Bob Hastings]] - [[w:James Gordon (comics)|Commissioner James Gordon]] * [[w:Robert Costanzo|Robert Costanzo]] - [[w:Harvey Bullock (comics)|Detective Harvey Bullock]] * [[w:Ingrid Oliu|Ingrid Oliu]]/Liane Schirmer - [[w:Renee Montoya|Officer Renee Montoya]] * [[Mark Hamill]] - [[w:The Joker (comics)|The Joker]] * [[w:Arleen Sorkin|Arleen Sorkin]] - [[w:Harley Quinn|Dr. Harleen Quinzel/Harley Quinn]] * [[Paul Williams (songwriter)|Paul Williams]] - [[w:Penguin (comics)|Oswald Cobblepot/The Penguin]] * [[Adrienne Barbeau]] - [[w:Catwoman|Selina Kyle/Catwoman]] * [[w:John Glover (actor)|John Glover]] - [[w:Riddler|Edward Nygma/The Riddler]] * [[w:Richard Moll|Richard Moll]] - [[w:Two-Face (comics)|Harvey Dent/Two-Face]] * [[w:George Dzundza|George Dzundza]] - [[w:The Ventriloquist (comics)|Arnold Wesker/The Ventriloquist/Scarface]] * [[w:Henry Silva|Henry Silva]] - [[w:Bane (comics)|Bane]] * [[w:Aron Kincaid|Aron Kincaid]] - [[w:Killer Croc|Killer Croc]] * [[w:Marc Singer|Marc Singer]] - [[w:Man-Bat|Dr. Kirk Langstrom/Man-Bat]] * [[w:Ron Perlman|Ron Perlman]] - [[w:Clayface|Matt Hagen/Clayface]] * [[w:Diane Pershing|Diane Pershing]] - [[w:Poison Ivy (comics)|Dr. Pamela Isley/Poison Ivy]] * [[w:Henry Polic II|Henry Polic II]] - [[w:Scarecrow (DC comics)|Dr. Jonathan Crane/The Scarecrow]] * [[w:Roddy McDowall|Roddy McDowall]] - [[w:Mad Hatter|Dr. Jervis Tetch/The Mad Hatter]] * [[w:Michael Ansara|Michael Ansara]] - [[w:Mr. Freeze|Dr. Victor Freeze/Mr. Freeze]] * [[David Warner (actor)|David Warner]] - [[w:Ra's al Ghul|Ra's al Ghul]] ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} {{Batman}} [[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated superhero TV shows]] [[Category:Animated Batman TV shows]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Animated television programs based on Detective Comics]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Fox Broadcasting Company animated television series]] [[Category:Television series by Warner Bros. Animation]] cd80v12zik2e3h4senbbcqjd5wvyoay 3778906 3778905 2025-07-14T22:31:54Z 81.151.41.137 /* Be A Clown [1.9] */ 3778906 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Batman-_The_Animated_Series_logo.svg|thumb|I am [[vengeance]]. I am the [[night]]. I am, '''[[Batman|BATMAN]]'''!]] {{italic title}} '''''[[W:Batman: The Animated Series|Batman: The Animated Series]]''''' is an American animated superhero television series based on the [[DC Comics]] superhero Batman. It was succeeded by ''[[The Adventures of Batman & Robin]]'' and ''[[The New Batman Adventures]]''; the first production in the [[w:DC Animated Universe|DC Animated Universe]]. ==Season 1== ===''On Leather Wings'' [1.1]=== :'''Batman''': ''[reading the paper]'' "Gotham Police Declare War on Batman"? :'''Alfred''': I gather you've been reading ''[[w:How to Win Friends and Influence People|How to Make Friends and Influence People]]''? :'''Batman''': Somebody's setting me up. :'''Alfred''': My heavens. You mean it ''wasn't'' you tossing guards out of windows last night? :'''Batman''': ''[amused]'' I only toss butlers, Alfred. <hr width='50%'/> :'''[[w:Rene Auberjonois|Dr. March]]''': You donate a few million, and you think you own the place. I understand I'm to analyse something for you? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Yeah, doc. See, I keep hearing squeaks in my chimney, and I found these in my empty fireplace. They look like hairs. I thought maybe you could tell me if I have a bat problem. :'''Dr. March''': And what if they are bats, Mr. Wayne? What then? Destroy them like insects? We won't survive the next evolutionary cataclysm, but bats will! They're survivors, Mr. Wayne, not pests! You should understand that! <hr width='50%'/> :'''Dr. Kirk Langstrom''': ''[enters laboratory upon hearing noises]'' Who's back there? ''[spots Batman]'' You...! :'''Batman''': I'm looking for Dr. March. :'''Langstrom''' He's not here, Batman. :'''Batman''': Where is he? :'''Langstrom''': Giving a lecture on human extinction and bat evolution. He's really quite brilliant. :'''Batman''': He's misguided, and a thief. ''[holds up a vial of the serum]'' :'''Langstrom''': He's just a theorist, he was afraid to put it to the test. But I wasn't. I knew he'd discovered a formula to create a totally new species, neither man nor bat. And once I started taking it, I couldn't stop. I desperately wanted to, but... ''it'' took over. Francine and March tried to protect me, but it was too late. The beast knew what chemicals were needed to bring itself about! It was out of my control! And it only needs one more component to complete the process! ''[voice lowering]'' It's in ''ME'', Batman! ''[laughs maniacally and begins to change into Man-Bat]'' <hr width='50%'/> :'''Bullock''': Let's go! :'''Lieutenant''': I can’t do it, sir! :'''Bullock''': Whaddaya mean "you can’t do it"?! :'''Lieutenant''': I just got word not to let you up without the Commissioner! :'''Bullock''': Who told you that?! :'''Lieutenant''': The Commissioner! ''[points at Gordon as he arrives]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Get out, Detective! The Mayor may not let me fire you, but I am ''not'' taking the heat for your fiasco! :'''Bullock''': This is my case, Commissioner! You heard the Mayor! :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Then why don't you go take it up with him?! I've got a job to do! If you wanna tag along, fine! ''[gets into the helicopter]'' Take her up, Lieutenant! :'''Bullock''': ''[trying to clamber in as it takes off]'' Hey! Wait for me! ===''Christmas With The Joker'' [1.2]=== :''[the Arkham Asylum inmates practice signing Jingle Bells as other inmates set up a giant Christmas tree]'' :'''Joker''': Jingle bells! Batman smells! Robin laid an egg! ''[gets a tree-topper and climbs to install it]'' The Batmobile lost a wheel and the Jo-ker got a-wa-a-a-ay! ''[attaches the ornament and the Christmas Tree ignites, revealed as a rocket. Joker clambers at it launches]'' Crashing through the roof! In a one-horse-open tree! Busting out I go! Laughing all the WHEEEEE! ''[the "rocket-tree" flies off into the distance as he sings]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the Christmas with the Joker show]'' :'''Joker''': Rumor has it, Christmas is a time to share with family. :'''Laugh track''': Yea! :'''Joker''': And since I don't have one of my own... :'''Laugh track''': Aww... :'''Joker''': I decided to STEAL one! :'''Laugh track''': Yea! :'''Joker''': And here they are: The Awful Lawful Family! ''[lights turn on and reveal Gordon, Summer, and Bullock tied up and gagged]'' Aren't they just the cutest family you've ever seen? :'''Batman''': ''[watching in the Batmobile]'' It's never easy with the Joker. :'''Joker''': Meet Daddy Lawful! ''[ungags Gordon]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': You diseased maniac! I'll- ''[Joker gags him again]'' :'''Joker''': Hmm. Looks like I'll have to teach Daddy some manners. And here's Mommy Lawful! ''[ungags Summer]'' :'''Summer Gleason''': Help! Somebody please help us- ''[Joker gags her again]'' :'''Joker''': Ho ho ho, isn't she jolly? And here we have little Baby Lawful! Coochie coochie coo! ''[ungags Bullock]'' :'''Detective Bullock''': When I get my hands on you, I'll rip your- ''[Joker gags him again]'' :'''Joker''': I'll bet Batman wishes he had a family just like mine. Personally I think relatives are a bore, so Batman can have them... ''[points to clock showing 10:30PM] if'' he can find them by midnight! Otherwise... ''[makes a throat-slashing motion and laughs]'' ===''Nothing To Fear'' [1.3]=== :''[Bruce is introduced to Dr. Long and he offers a handshake]'' :'''Dr. Long''': ''[looks at hand and pouts off]'' Your father and I attended university together. He had big plans for you. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Well, I guess he'd be pleased. Wayne Industries is more prosperous than ever. :'''Dr. Long''': Pleased? When your father was alive, Wayne was a name that commanded great respect. Now all Wayne stands for is a self-centered jet-setting playboy. It's lucky your father didn't live to see what you've done to his good name. He'd have died of shame. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Scarecrow sprays a security guard with gas]'' :'''Guard''': Stop! What the-- No! No, spiders! Get them offa me! No! NO! ''[cowers in fear]'' :'''Anthony''': What did you do to him, boss? :'''[[w:Scarecrow (DC Comics)|Scarecrow]]''': I merely helped him visualize his innermost terror, which is obviously [[w:arachnophobia|arachnophobia]]. :'''Nigel''': A-whack-a-what? :'''Scarecrow''': Arachnophobia! Fear of spiders, you dimwitted dropout! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': It seems I have underestimated the Batman, but at least the University is finished. :'''Anthony''': Gee, boss, I never liked school, but, uh, how come you hate the university so much? :'''Scarecrow''': They tried to destroy me. :'''Nigel''': You mean they kicked you out 'cause you weren't smart enough? :'''Scarecrow''': No, you simpleton! ''[pinches Nigel's broken nose]'' :'''Nigel''': Ow! :'''Scarecrow''': I taught there. I was a professor of psychology, specializing in phobias. Inducing terror has always intrigued me. Even as a boy, I loved to frighten things. People, animals, it was all the same. I became obsessed with fear's crippling power. Later, when I became their leading Professor of Subliminal Psychology at the University, I began performing experiments on fear and its subsequent effects. Dr. Long thought I went too far - he called me a lunatic. So now, they will learn the true nature of horror! :'''Anthony''': ''[to Nigel]'' Wow, he's a real professor. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman has been exposed to Scarecrow's fear toxin]'' :'''Thomas Wayne''': Bruce... :'''Batman''': No... not now... :'''Thomas Wayne''': You are a disgrace! ''[turns into the [[w:Grim Reaper|Grim Reaper]]]'' :'''Batman''': No... You are NOT my father. I am NOT a disgrace! I am vengeance, I am the night. I...AM...'''BATMAN!''' ===''The Last Laugh'' [1.4]=== :'''Summer Gleeson''': I'm here in Downtown Gotham where corporate CEOs have gone stark, raving mad. It would appear that the collapse of the stock market is now imminent. The question is: Will [[April Fools' Day]] mark the end of Gotham City as we know it? :'''Joker''': The only things gaining now are the laughing stocks! ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[After trapping Batman in a sealed garbage can]'' :'''Joker''': I just love these new Ziploc seals! We wouldn't want our little caged rodent to suffocate, so we'll just ''[draws a knife]'' PUNCH SOME AIRHOLES! ''[laughing, he stabs holes in the can, with Batman being forced to dodge each one]'' Okay, Captain! Give 'er the old heave-ho! ''[Captain Clown salutes and throws the can into the river, where it starts to flood and sink]'' Oops! Looks like our airholes are waterholes too! ''[smirking at the viewer]'' What a shame! ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Justice is served hot, Batman! You're going to melt just like a grilled-cheese sandwich! :''[The Joker tries to send Batman falling into the furnace with a cascade of garbage, but Batman escapes and swings to safety on his grappling hook]'' :'''Batman''': Justice ''will'' be served, Joker. :'''Joker''': Service with a SMILE?! ''[tosses a razor card at Batman, who dodges it just in time]'' :'''Batman''': Clean up your act, Joker. :'''Joker''': Oh, that's a joke, right? Batman finally told a joke! ''[laughing, the Joker draws another card and flings it, but Batman catches it with a smirk. With a gasp of shock, the Joker tries to flee, but gets his food caught on a cable and he ends up dangling over the furnace]'' BATMAN! YOU WOULDN'T LET ME FRY, WOULD YOU?! ''[Batman leans on the railing, pretending to consider it] '''BATMAN!''' [Batman pulls him up]'' ===''Pretty Poison'' [1.5]=== :'''Dent''': So, what do you think? :'''Bruce''': Does she have a sister? :'''Dent''': Nope. Pam's one of a kind. That's why I asked her to marry me. :'''Bruce''': ''[spits out his water upon hearing this]'' WHAT?! :'''Dent''': Yup, that's the page one headline. Hey... is it starting to get warm? :'''Bruce''': You're still flushed from that last kiss. Harvey, you just met her last week! :'''Dent''': And I already know she's the one. Gosh, it's hot in here... :'''Bruce''': Marriage is a major step, Harvs. Don't you think you're rushing it? :'''Dent''': No way. The moment I laid eyes on Pam, her love hit me right in the face. ''[falls right into the food he ordered]'' :'''Bruce''': ''[laughs]'' Harvey, you've lost your mind. Knock it off. ''[sees him unresponsive]'' Harv? Harvey! ''[Later sees Harvey carried into an ambulance and climbs inside]'' Hang on, Harvey. Hang on. <hr width=50%"/> :'''Bullock''': So what'd you put in this mousse?! :'''Chef''': Chocolate, sugar, eggs, cream... :'''Bullock''': STRYCHNINE?! :'''Chef''': No, no, no strychnine. But I added just a pinch of vanilla. :'''Bullock''': ''[turns to a waiter, frustrated]'' You know who did it?! TALK! :'''Waiter''': Hey, I just clean the dishes, okay? <hr width=50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[chuckles]'' Batman! A late night rendezvous? To what do I owe the honor? :'''Batman''': ''[struggling against Ivy's giant flytrap]'' Harvey Dent! :'''Poison Ivy''': Oh, the poor district attorney. I hear he's not expected to live. Oh, it's so sad... ''[feigns crying, which quickly turns to insane laughter]'' :'''Batman''': Why, Isley? :'''Poison Ivy''': Oh, please, call me Poison Ivy. You see, Harvey had to pay for his crime. :'''Batman''': What crime? :'''Poison Ivy''': Why, murder, of course! Plowing up a field of beautiful wildflowers for that silly penitentiary of his. This little rose would be extinct today if I hadn't saved my precious from those horrible bulldozers! The blood of those flowers are on his hands! ''[calms down after her tantrum]'' So his fate was sealed ''[applies lipstick]'' ...with a kiss. And now, so is yours. ''[Ivy's plant holds Batman still as she kisses him; he tries to spit away the poison]'' Oh, what's wrong? Afraid I have cooties? ''[laughs]'' Oh, now you've gone and hurt my feelings. Too bad. I was going to share the antidote with you. ''[opens a bottle and waves it under his nose]'' Lovely fragrance, don't you think? ''[applies a drop to her face]'' I call it "Rose From the Dead". <hr width=50%"/> :''[In a cell in Arkham]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': They can bury me in the ground, as deep as they like. But I'll grow back. ''[to her rose]'' We ''always'' grow back. Don't we, baby? ===''The Underdwellers'' [1.6]=== :'''Sewer King''': Lesson number one is: NOOOOO TAAAALKING! Children are to be seen and not heard. We are the Underdwellers. We are the silent ones. We follow the invisible creed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sewer King''': Frog! The rolls, if you please. :''[Another boy nervously steps over with them; the Sewer King grabs his wrist angrily]'' :'''Sewer King''': You're not Frog! Where is he?! He's not here! ''[smacks the bowl of rolls away]'' NOT HERE! And after all I've done for you ungrateful little monsters! I took you in when nobody else would have you! It is I who care for you! I who provide for you! And only I WHO KNOWS WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU! Would you rather I sent you back into the light? Back to those who hurt you, and sent you away? :''[The children tearfully shake their heads; the Sewer King pushes the dinner table over with a loud crash]'' :'''Sewer King''': THERE WILL BE NOTHING TO EAT UNTIL FROG IS FOUND! NOW OUT WITH YOU! ''OUT WITH YOU!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I don't know what kind of barbarian did this to you, but it's over. And from now on, you'll be treated like human beings. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sewer King''': ''[clapping]'' Bravo. Bravo. You've caused me great distress, you evil bat, yes, yes, yes, you have! You've hurt my pretty pets, and you've frightened my beloved children! :'''Batman''': ''[incredulous and disgusted]'' "Beloved children"?! :'''Sewer King''': Yes! I feed them, I clothe them, I discipline them, and I teach them a trade! And now, I will teach ''you'' something! :''[He stamps on Batman's hands, but Batman swings under the pipe and kicks him from behind, causing him to fall off]'' :'''Batman''': Grab my hand! :'''Sewer King''': ''NEVER!'' :''[He falls into the water, where the alligators close in and seemingly devour him]'' :'''Batman''': A gruesome fate for a gruesome man. :''[He hears the Sewer King laughing, and sees him with the alligators, unharmed]'' :'''Sewer King''': I rather enjoyed it! I told you, they're my pretties! ''[pets one, laughing]'' Have a nice swim! :''[Batman swings over to chase him, narrowly missing the alligators' jaws]'' :'''Batman''': Later. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman pulls the Sewer King out of the way of an oncoming train]'' :'''Sewer King''': Why? Why?! ''Why?!'' :'''Batman''': ''[seething with anger]'' I don't pass sentence. That's for the courts. But this time - ''this time'' - I am ''sorely tempted'' to do the job myself! ===''P.O.V.'' [1.7]=== :''[after Batman grapples up a crane with Officer Montoya to safety]'' :'''Batman''': Are you alright? :''[Machine gun bullets hit around Batman and Officer Montoya, causing both of them to duck]'' :'''Officer Montoya''': Dandy. :'''Batman''': Then don't go away. :'''Officer Montoya''': ''[Batman leaves as more machine gun bullets hit. Montoya stays down]'' Count on it. <hr width="50%"/> :''[after Commissioner Gordon congratulates Officer Montoya for foiling the dock heist with Batman's aid]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': I have to hand it to you, Montoya. You and the Batman really turned this thing around. :'''Patrolman Wilkes''': Yeah, what a [[wikt:collar|collar]]! You didn't just bust 'em, you put the whole gang out of commission. ''[Lieutenant Hackle appears to accuse Montoya]'' :'''Lieutenant Hackle''': What collar? She's suspended! ''[Gordon angrily grabs Heckle]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': This [[wikt:farce|farce]] has gone far enough, Hackle! We apprehended the suspects and recovered our money. The investigation is closed! ''[He grabs three confiscated police badges out of Hackle's suit pocket and shoves him aside. He hands the badges to Officer Montoya]'' Officer Montoya earned this collar. :'''Officer Montoya''': The collar belongs to all three of us, Commissioner. It was a team effort. ''[Montoya accepts hers and hands Wilkes back his badge]'' :'''Patrolman Wilkes''': Gee... thanks, partner! :'''Detective Bullock''': ''[grumbling under his breath]'' Yeah, yeah... :'''Officer Montoya''': What was that, Bullock? ''[happily gives badge to Bullock]'' :'''Detective Bullock''': ''[reluctantly hesitates, accepts his badge]'' I said... Thanks a lot, Montoya. ===''The Forgotten'' [1.8]=== :'''Bruce''': What is this? :'''Smith''': If it's moving, it's a rat. If it isn't, it's a cooked rat. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': ''[Alfred flies the Batwing to the tracking device's location]'' This must be the place! Bring us down! :'''Batwing Computer''': Negative. :'''Alfred''': ''[pressing buttons madly]'' But Master Bruce is down there! We HAVE to land! :'''Computer''': Impossible. Area too confined. :'''Alfred''': ''[pounds the console]'' Land, you bucket of bolts! :'''Computer''': Your funeral. :'''Alfred''': Oh, dear...! ''[The Batwing flies down abruptly. Bruce, escaping the mine, sees the Batwing fly over]'' :'''Bruce''': ''[Smiles]'' Son of a gun! :''[The Batwing reaches a flat area near Bruce and lands. The cockpit opens.]'' :'''Computer''': Watch your step. :'''Alfred''': ''[tumbles out, dazed]'' [[w:Juan Rodriguez Cabrillo|I-I-I claim this land... for Spain]]. ''[collapses]'' ===''Be A Clown'' [1.9]=== :'''Jordan''': How can I get to be a great magician like you, Jekko? :'''"Jekko"''': Well, there are three steps! Step one: run away. Step two: find a magician with a great act. And step three: ''steal it.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Summer Gleason''': ''[reporting on TV]'' Denying reports of a bomb blast at his son's birthday party, Mayor Hill insists the explosion was caused by faulty electrical wiring. :'''"Jekko"''': Yeah! RIGHT! ''[laughs]'' :'''Summer Gleason''': The Mayor declined, however, to confirm that his son Jordan was missing. :'''"Jekko"''': Missing? :'''Jordan''': ''[coming into view]'' It's me, Jekko. I ran away. :'''"Jekko"''': You did '''WHAT?!?''' :'''Jordan''': I want to be a magician, like you. :'''"Jekko"''': Why, you... ''[laughs]'' Well, kid, you got step one right! Come on in. I've been thinking about a protégé. <hr width="50%"/> :'''"Jekko"''': ''[sees Batman approaching on a monitor]'' Well, if it ain't the Caped Coconut... :'''Jordon''': My dad says Batman's no good. :'''"Jekko"''': Well, then I guess your dad's not a ''total'' idiot! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman is trapped inside a tank filled with water, complete with a straitjacket and leg restraints]'' :'''"Jekko"''': For your viewing pleasure, we present... the infamous water tank trap! The great [[w:Harry Houdini|Houdini]] survived such a test. Dare we demand less of the Batman?! :'''Jordan''': I don't like this, Jekko... :'''"Jekko"''': Quiet, kid, it's a free ticket. :''[Batman manages to free the sleeves of the jacket]'' :'''Jordan''': ''[clapping]'' He did it! He got free! :'''"Jekko"''': They don't make straitjackets like they used to. ''[grinning]'' I should know... :''[Batman wriggles out of the jacket and undoes the leg restraints, but struggles to break the glass]'' :'''Jordan''': He can't get out! What's the trick? :'''"Jekko"''': That's just it! THERE IS NO TRICK! :'''Jordan''': No! He'll drown! :''[Jordan grabs an axe and strikes the side of the tank to try and free Batman, but "Jekko" takes the axe away]'' :'''"Jekko"/Joker''': That's why they call it a finale! ''[throws down the axe and discards his Jekko the Clown mask]'' Now sit down and enjoy the show! ===''Two-Face Part 1'' [1.10]=== :''[Dent's raid on Thorne has been aborted by the judge due to supposed lack of reliable evidence]'' :'''Dent''': No! NO! '''I SPENT ''THREE MONTHS'' ON THAT RAID!''' He can't overturn! The fool! HE'S ''BEEN BOUGHT! LIKE ALL THE REST!'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[tries to restrain him]'' Harvey, please try to calm down. This sort of behavior doesn't run well with the voters- :'''Dent''': ''LET GO OF ME, YOU RICH TWIT!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dent''': Stealing someone's psychiatric file is pretty low, Thorne! Even for a swine like you! :'''[[w:John Vernon|Rupert Thorne]]''': But it makes for such fascinating reading. Listen to this, boys. Says here that when Harvey was a little boy, he was bothered by a bully. Every day the bully would bug him after school, until one day little Harvey got so mad, he slugged him one. :'''Thorne's Thugs''': Oooh! :'''Rupert Thorne''': Of course, the bully ran away, which made little Harvey very proud. Until he heard that the bully was in the hospital. :'''Candace''': That was some punch. :'''Rupert Thorne''': ''[chuckles]'' That's what Harvey thought. Except the guy was in the hospital for appendicitis! ''[chuckles again]'' But poor Harvey felt so guilty, he never showed his anger again. And that was the start of "Big Bad Harv". :'''Dent''': What do you want? :'''Rupert Thorne''': Just a few favors from the D.A.'s office. :'''Dent''': You're dreaming. :'''Rupert Thorne''': Otherwise, as a concerned citizen, I'd be compelled to give this to the press. After all, the people of Gotham have a right to know the kind of person... or should I say "persons", they've elected. So, what do you say, Harvey? Do we have a deal? :''[Harvey's face has contorted in building rage the entire time, but suddenly relaxes into deceptive docility]'' :'''Dent''': There's just one problem. :'''Rupert Thorne''': What's that? :'''Dent''': ''[in Big Bad Harv's voice]'' '''''You're talking to the wrong Harvey.''''' ===''Two-Face Part 2'' [1.11]=== :''[In a nightmare, Harvey is being chased by a dark shadow. He suddenly realizes he is standing on a collapsing wooden bridge]'' :'''Harvey Dent''': Stay back! ''[the shadow reveals itself to be Batman, pleading for Harvey's help]'' :'''Batman''': Harvey, please, let me help you! :'''Harvey Dent''': You?! You saw what was happening! You knew that something was terribly wrong with me! I thought you were my friend! You should have been able to help me--but you didn't! ''[Harvey covers his face with his two hands, now transformed into Two-Face]'' :'''Two-Face''': ''NOW LOOK AT ME!!'' :'''Batman''': But I tried, Harvey. I... ''[the bridge pulls itself apart, causing Two-Face to fall off]'' Harvey! :'''Two-Face''': ''[Plummets into an abyss of glowing red light] WHY COULDN'T YOU SAVE ME...?!!'' :''[Batman looks down the edge and gasps with horrified shock. He instead sees his late parents Thomas and Martha Wayne underneath a single lamppost. They both raise their heads in sadness]'' :'''Thomas Wayne''': Why couldn't you save us, son? :''[Bruce wakes up, sweating with fear. He then turns to a photo of Two-Face from a newspaper]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': So what are you dreaming tonight, Harvey? Peaceful dreams? Nightmares? Maybe both at once. Sleep well, my friend. Whether you are, whatever you've become... I ''will'' save you. I swear. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Two-Face''': This is my world now. A dichotomy of order and chaos - just like me. :'''Grace''': Harvey, what's happened to your mind, your feelings? You used to listen to your feelings. :'''Two-Face''': ''[flipping his coin]'' This is what I listen to now. ''Chance,'' Grace. Chance is everything. Whether you're born or not, whether you live or die, whether you're good or bad... it's all arbitrary. :'''Grace''': That's nonsense, Harvey. Was it chance that made you District Attorney? Was it chance that made you fall in love with me? Take control of your life, Harvey. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Two-Face grabs a tommy gun and aims at a defenceless Thorne]'' :'''Rupert Thorne''': No! Two-Face, don't! ''[to Batman]'' You can't let him! :'''Grace''': Harvey! What are you doing?! :'''Two-Face''': Taking control of my life. :'''Batman''': Let the law handle it. :'''Two-Face''': "The law"?! ''[takes out his coin]'' Here's the only law! The law of averages! The great equalizer! :''[Two-Face flips the coin, but Batman throws out a crate of other coins, and Two-Face's is lost among them as they spill out]'' :'''Two-Face''': ''[horrified and panicked]'' NO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! ''[searches through them frantically]'' My coin! Where is it?! I can't decide without...! Oh no, it's ''gotta'' be here, it's ''gotta! [shrieks with anguish]'' '''''I HAVE TO HAVE IT!!!''''' :''[He continues to scream, swiping the coins aside before collapsing in tears; Grace gently comforts him]'' :'''Grace''': It's all right now, Harvey. I'm here. ===''It's Never Too Late'' [1.12]=== :'''Father Michael Stromwell''': Arnold? That's one soul I wish I could give up on. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arnold Stromwell''': I don't need your help! :'''Michael Stromwell''': Is that a fact? An empire crumbling? A marriage shattered? A son lost? Sure, you're doing fine. ===''I've Got Batman In My Basement'' [1.13]=== :''[after Penguin's goons successfully steal a [[w:Fabergé egg|Fabergé egg]] on a tall building]'' :'''Goon 1''': ''[chuckles]'' A piece of cake, just like the boss said. :'''Goon 2''': Yeah, all it took was five minutes. ''[Batman makes his surprise appearance to the goons]'' :'''Batman''': And that'll get you five ''years''... ''[pause]'' with good behavior. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Be-fowled by a couple of fledgelings! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Grant''': Sherman, what are you doing down there? :'''Sherman''': Nothing, Mom! :'''Mrs. Grant''': You're not trying to make gunpowder again, are you? :'''Sherman''': No, Mom! Honest! :'''Roberta''': We just saved Batman's life, Mrs. Grant, and now we're hiding him from some bad criminals. :'''Mrs. Grant''': That's good, just don't make a mess. ''[leaves]'' :'''Sherman''': Nice going, Miss Big Mouth. :'''Roberta''': ''[shrugging]'' Sorry, Sherman, I guess I panicked. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Gentlemen - and I use the term loosely - after you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Eurgh, how bourgeois. Tearing this place apart could only improve it! Let the egg hunt begin! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Grant''': Young man, you've got some serious explaining to do! ''[sees Batman and the defeated Penguin and gasps]'' :'''Sherman''': Err, Mom, I'd like you to meet Batman. Batman, this is my mom. :'''Batman''': Ma'am. :'''Mrs. Grant''': Oh, hello... :'''Sherman''': Say, Batman, you wouldn't be single, would you? ===''[[w:Heart of Ice (Batman: The Animated Series)|Heart of Ice]]'' [1.14]=== :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[gazes at the ballerina snow globe]'' This is how I'll always remember you. Surrounded by [[winter]] forever young, forever beautiful. Rest well, my love. The monster who took you from me will soon learn that [[revenge]] is a dish... ''[opens his eyes through his red goggles]'' best served '''cold'''. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman infiltrates an office in GothCorp headquarters and sees a classified file with a videotape and medical records of a woman named Nora Fries. He plays the tape on a nearby VCR]'' :'''Victor Fries''': ''[on the tape]'' My name is Doctor Victor Fries. I am recording what I pray would be mankind's first step toward immortality. ''[camera pans to a large machine with a glass capsule and a woman inside it]'' Behind me, you see the CC-100, a cryogenic freezing chamber of my own design. I created it for the express purpose of freezing subjects stricken with inoperable ailments. Subjects like... my own beloved wife, Nora. Once a remedy has been found-- ''[reacts to a loud banging on the door]'' :'''Ferris Boyle''': ''[Behind the door]'' Open this door! Open it now! ''[A security guard kicks the door down, Ferris and another guard step into the room. Boyle confronts Fries angrily.]'' Get away from that equipment! ''[Orders his guards]'' Shut this stuff down. :'''Fries''': ''[Panicked]'' Stop! This is my experiment! :'''Boyle''': Your ''unauthorized'' experiment. I ordered funding suspended weeks ago! I'm already three million in debt thanks to you! :'''Fries''': You can't stop it now! My wife is in there! :'''Boyle''': So bring her out! :'''Fries''': You can't interrupt the process now! :'''Boyle''': ''[unmoved; to guard]'' Open it. :'''Fries''': ''[desperately holds on to Boyle]'' It's her only chance! :'''Boyle''': ''[shrugs off Fries]'' This is MY equipment! ''MINE!'' I have every legal right to use it or not use it as I see fit. I say this project ends ''now!'' :'''Fries''': ''[grabs pistol from security guard and aims it at Ferris]'' '''NO!''' Stay away from her, murderer! :'''Boyle''': ''[tries to act charming to Fries]'' Victor... I'm sorry... I lost my temper. It doesn't have to come to this. We can talk! ''[Fries calms down and Boyle kicks him into a table of cryonic chemicals. Victor screams in pain as the cloud of volatile chemicals engulf him. Boyle steps away in fear and runs out of the room with his guards]'' Get out. Get out! :'''Fries''': ''[Clinging to his freezing chamber, screaming through the glass] Nora! NORA...! [passes out. The tape ends]'' :'''Batman''': ''[Horrified]'' My God! :''[A voice rings out--it's Mr. Freeze, who just snuck in the room]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': Yes. It would move me to tears, if I still had tears to shed. ''[freezes Batman with his cryo-gun]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mr. Freeze raids the award ceremony and confronts Ferris Boyle, who is receiving a humanitarian award]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': The cold eyes of vengeance are upon you, Boyle. :'''Ferris Boyle''': Who...who ''are'' you?! :'''Mr. Freeze''': Come, now. Surely you remember your old colleague... Victor Fries? :''[Mr. Freeze aims and fires his freezing gun at Boyle's feet, ice slowly covering up his legs to his waist]'' :'''Boyle''': ''[cries in pain]'' NO! No...! Stop... please... I... b-beg you! ''[Mr. Freeze stops his freezing gun for a moment of clarity]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': You... ''beg?'' In my nightmares I see my Nora behind the glass, begging to me with frozen eyes. How I've longed to see that look frozen on you. :''[Batman batarangs Mr Freeze's cryo-gun and attacks him. Mr Freeze overpowers Batman and throws him off]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': The advanced circuitry that powers my suit also triples my strength! ''[engages Batman, and lifts him off the ground]'' Sooner or later, all who stand in my way must feel the icy touch of death! :''[Mr. Freeze is about to kill Batman, but collapses when Batman smashes his glass helmet with a thermos full of chicken soup given to him by Alfred earlier]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': ''[walks next to Batman]'' Ooh...! What was that stuff? :'''Batman''': The only way to fight a cold. :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[as his suit falters]'' It can't end this way... vengeance...! :'''Batman''': No, ''justice''. A year ago, Ferris Boyle interrupted an experiment, and in the process destroyed two lives. ''[gives Summer Gleeson the tape he found]'' Here's the evidence. ''[walks to a still shivering Boyle; he sneers at Boyle with disgust]'' Good night, humanitarian! ''[walks off]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mr. Freeze is in his subzero cell in Arkham Asylum, gazing into his ballerina snow globe]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': I failed you. I wish there were another way for me to say it... but I cannot. ''[Tears silently slide down his face]'' I can only beg your [[forgiveness]] and pray you hear me somehow, someplace. Someplace... where a warm hand waits for mine. ===''The Cat And The Claw Part 1'' [1.15]=== :'''Stern''': Now if you'll excuse me, I've given you all the time I can spare. :'''Selina Kyle''': You'll find more time for me, Mr. Stern. Before I'm through, I'll have every environmental group and animal rights activist breathing down your neck. They'll be looking at you and your project so closely, you'll feel like a bug in a bell-jar. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You're late. :'''Mob Boss''': Can't you walk up to someone normal-like? :'''Batman''': I hear you have some information. :'''Mob Boss''': Under one condition: Lay off the South Side. :'''Batman''': Keep this up, and I'll be on you from all sides. North, south, east, and west. ===''The Cat And The Claw Part 2'' [1.16]=== :'''Batman''': Red Claw? A woman? :'''[[W:Red_Claw|Red Claw]]''': Do you have a problem with that, Batman? :'''Batman''': Not at all. I'm an equal opportunity crime fighter! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I didn't want you taken away like a common criminal. :'''Catwoman''': So you do care. :'''Batman''': ''[handcuffing her]'' More than you'll ever know. ===''See No Evil'' [1.17]=== :'''Lloyd Ventrix''': See you 'round, Batman! Too bad you can't say the same! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Ventrix, the suit! It's poison! :'''Ventrix''': So what if it is?! I don't care! As long as I have it, I can take my daughter back whenever I want! Her mother won't stop me, AND NEITHER WILL YOU! ===''Beware The Gray Ghost'' [1.18]=== :''[At a video shop, Bruce Wayne asks for Gray Ghost films]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': I'd like the ''Gray Ghost''. :'''Store Clerk''': ''[smirks and walks away]'' Hmm. Name something else. :'''Wayne''': You said you had everything. :'''Store Clerk''': Except the ''Gray Ghost''! Nobody has it! The studio that made the show, Spectra? It burned down 20 years ago. The negatives all went up like kindling, real shame. :'''Wayne''': So the ''Gray Ghost'' doesn't exist? :'''Clerk''': Not anymore. Sorry, pal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Simon Trent''': ''[Hands Batman a film reel with the key the mystery]'' Here's your answer, take it and go! :'''Batman''': I used to admire what the Gray Ghost stood for... :'''Simon Trent''': I'm not the Gray Ghost! :'''Batman''': ''[coldly]'' I can see that now. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the launch of the Gray Ghost videos]'' :'''Bruce''': Could you make this out to 'Bruce'? :'''Gray Ghost''': ''[signing autograph]'' Here you are, Bruce. :'''Bruce''': Thanks. As a kid, I used to watch you with my father. The Gray Ghost was my hero. :'''Gray Ghost''': ''[realizing]'' Really... :'''Bruce''': ''[smiling]'' And he still is. ===''Prophecy Of Doom'' [1.19]=== :'''Nostromos''': I predict... you and I are about to become rich as pigs! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lucas''': No one could've predicted Batman would spot me. Not even the great Nostromos. Besides, how do you know Wayne survived? :'''Nostromos''': The news said he got off the elevator right before it fell, you pathetic amateur! :'''Lucas''': Well, you didn't predict he would ''die'', exactly... ===''Feat Of Clay Part 1'' [1.20]=== :''[About Matt Hagen's repeated use of "Renuyu" to restore his disfigured face]'' :'''Teddy Lupus''': You can't go on like this, Matt. You hurt all the time now. :'''[[w:Clayface|Matt Hagen]]''': ''[irritated]'' You're just my stand-in, Lupus. Nobody promoted you to nursemaid! :'''Lupus''': That stuff makes your face like putty, Matt; it can't be good for ya. :'''Hagen''': It probably ain't good for me. But unless I only want to do ''horror'' pictures, it ain't bad for me either. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Listen up, scumwad, 'cause I'm only gonna ask you once. Who was Lucius Fox meeting at the tram? :'''Raymond Bell''': Wayne... Bruce Wayne! :'''Batman''': You lying sleaze! You wanna rethink that answer? ===''Feat Of Clay Part 2'' [1.21]=== :'''Clayface''': ''[testing his new shapeshifting powers]'' The formula must have soaked every cell in my body. :'''Teddy Lupus''': It's.... It's some kind of miracle! ''[sees Matt change back into Clayface]'' Wha... What are you doing? :'''Clayface''': No. No! You broke my concentration! It won't work, don't you see?! It's too hard! It's like tensing a muscle - I can't keep it up for long! MY CAREER, MY ''LIFE'' - IT ''IS'' GONE! AND I CAN NEVER GET IT BACK! ''[In his rage, Clayface destroys several things in the trailer]'' I'm not an actor anymore! I'm not even... a ''man''! ''[Sobs softly]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Clayface''': Not even the Batman could stop me, Teddy. And that means ''Daggett'' won't have a prayer. :'''Teddy''': Matt, please, you don't wanna do anything crazy. Why don't you try to get some shuteye? :'''Clayface''': ''[growls]'' DON'T YOU DARE PATRONIZE ME!!! I told you I don't need rest! I don't need food! AND I DON'T NEED YOU!!!! ''[grabs Teddy and throws him to a bookcase then walks out the door]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Roland Daggett is at a talk show talking about Renuyu facial cream and the host entertains audience questions]'' :'''Woman''': I'd like to ask Mr. Daggett about the rumors I've heard. I hear he's selling Renuyu through direct marketing because stores won't carry it due to its harmful side effects. :'''[[w:Roland Daggett|Roland Daggett]]''': Well that's, uh, absolutely untrue- :'''Woman''': ''[stands up and approaches him]'' What about the addictive properties of Renuyu, Mr. Daggett? Once you're hooked, you can't stop using it without horrible...''pain''! :'''Daggett''': No! I mean... That's just not so! :'''Woman''': Why don't you show them what an ''overdose'' can do, Daggett?! Why don't you tell them ''[voices goes deeper]'' about ME?! ''[transforms into Clayface]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Batman tricks Clayface into confronting him in a recording room, where he turns multiple screens showing headshots of Clayface's past roles]'' :'''Clayface''': What are you doing?! Stop it! :'''Batman''': Look at them, Hagan. Look at what you used to be. :'''Clayface''': No, no! Turn them off! :'''Batman''': You can play those roles again, Hagan. Let me help you find a cure. :'''Clayface''': ''[begins to shapeshift into his past roles]'' No! Hagan's gone! Make him stop haunting me! ''[begins to uncontrollably shapeshift into his past roles]'' Stop it! Turn them off! I can't control it! I can't be all of them! Not all at once! :''[Batman tries to turn on some more screens, but Clayface knocks him out of the way and smashes the control panels; Clayface yanks off one of the screens and throws it at Batman, who dodges; the screen hits the big screen, causing an explosion; the police arrive to see Clayface in his shapeshifting seizure as he shifts his face into Bruce Wayne]'' :'''Officer''': Mother of mercy! It looks just like Bruce Wayne! :''[Clayface punches through two screens, electrocuting him and reverting back into his true form and he topples over; Batman walks up to Clayface]'' :'''Clayface''': ''[morphs into Matt Hagan]'' You know what I'd have given for a death scene like this? ''[morphs into his scarred form]'' Too bad I won't get to... read the notices. ''[faints and reverts back to his true form.]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Lucius Fox''': I'm just glad to know it wasn't really Bruce Wayne who attacked me. :'''Summer Gleeson''': Thank you, Mr. Fox. All charges against Wayne have, of course, been dropped. And Roland Daggett remains in custody. :''[as Alfred turns off the TV, Batman is experimenting with a piece of Clayface's clay]'' :'''Alfred''': My word, sir. I should think after all this, it would time to rest. :'''Batman''': Look. A piece of clay left behind when they took Hagan's body away. Watch. ''[zaps the clay with electricity, causing it to morph into multiple shapes]'' :'''Alfred''': Electricity has no effect on it? :'''Batman''': Exactly. ''[scene changes to a morgue where a doctor uncovers Clayface's body; voice-over]'' I wouldn't be surprised if the body they took to the morgue was only a shell ''[Clayface's body cracks and crumbles into little pieces]'' Don't forget, first and foremost, Hagan was an actor. ''[scene changes to Teddy outside the hospital]'' He said it himself, Alfred. He called it a scene. Maybe the greatest scene in his career. :'''Teddy''': ''[sadly]'' See you 'round, Matt. ''[walks away]'' :'''Batman''': A death scene so real... it fooled us all. :''[a woman laughs maniacally as her voice grows deeper and her eyes turn yellow, revealing her to be a disguised Clayface]'' ===''Joker's Favor'' [1.22]=== :'''[[w:Joker (comics)|Joker]]''': ''[tosses two pennies on the ground]'' There's your two cents. Now, what are you going to do to me? :'''Charlie''': Listen.... I... O'm sorry, really! I.... I had a bad day. Boss turned down my raise, and... :'''Joker''': Now look, my rude friend! We can't have people cursing at each other on the freeway. It's simply ''not polite''! ''[jumps down and grabs him]'' I'm just going to have to teach you some manners. ''[reaches into his coat]'' :'''Charlie''': Please don't! I have a family, a wife, a little boy! Please! I'll do anything to make it up! Anything! :'''Joker''': Anything, says you? ''[Charlie nods; Joker releases him]'' Okee-dokee! Wallet. :'''Charlie''': Uh, okay. I don't have much cash. :'''Joker''': Oh, please! Don't insult me! ''[takes out driver's license]'' Charles Michael Collins. That's you! Tsk tsk, lousy picture, though. Lousy! Address, height, weight, blah blah blah. ''[tosses the wallet back and keeps the license]'' Righty-o, Chuckers! Here's the deal. I'll let you off if you promise to do a little favor for me. :'''Charlie''': Okay. What? :'''Joker''': ''I DON'T KNOW! I HAVEN'T THOUGHT OF IT YET!'' You just toddle on back to your mundane, meaningless little life, and when I need you, I'll call. Fair? Good? Great! I'll be in touch. ''[walks away, laughing maniacally]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Charlie''': Hello? :'''Joker''': Hello, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': Wrong number, pal. My name is Don. :'''Joker''': Oh, no, no, no. This IS the right number, Charles Michael Collins. Oh, I don't know why you changed your name to Don Wallace and moved your family to 12 Marigold Lane, Springdale, Ohio. One might think you were trying to skip out on our little deal. ''[to Harley Quinn]'' Leave the sideburns. :'''Charlie''': Uh... how did you find me? :'''Joker''': Oh, I never lost you, Chaz. You've become my... HOBBY!! ''[laughs maniacally]'' Now, listen up, Charlie Brown. You're booked on the next flight to Gotham. Tell the family you have to visit a sick friend. Oh, and let's keep this to ourselves, 'kay? Bad things happen to people who gossip, capisce, Carlo? ''[Charlie looks out the window to see Joker's henchmen pull up to his house]'' :'''Charlie''': Yeah... :'''Joker''': Good! See ya! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': You miserable little ''nobody!'' If I get caught, your wife and son are history! :'''Charlie''': You're not getting caught. Not this time. I found this blown out of the van. :''[He pulls one of the Joker's bombs from his jacket, and the Joker looks shocked and afraid]'' :'''Charlie''': This is how it ends, Joker. No big schemes, no grand fight to the finish with the Dark Knight. Tomorrow, all the papers will say is that the great Joker was found blown to bits in an alley, alongside a "miserable little nobody"! ''[chuckles]'' Kinda funny. Ironic, really. See? I can destroy a man's dreams too! And that's really the only dream you've got, isn't it?! :'''Joker''': ''[still scared]'' Look, Charlie, you've had a busy day! All this running around, all this excitement with... ''[yelling out desperately]'' '''''BATMAN!''''' Stop! You... you're crazy! :'''Charlie''': I had a good teacher! ''[chuckles]'' Say goodnight, Gracie! :'''Joker''': ''[terrified, trying to crawl away]'' NO! '''BATMAN! ''BATMAN!''''' ''[sees Batman in the shadows, and gasps with relief and annoyance]'' How long have you been there?! :'''Batman''': Long enough. Put it down, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': You know he'll just escape again! This is the only way my family stays safe! :'''Joker''': All right, you win! Take it easy! ''[surrenders his notebook to Batman]'' Here's everything on his blasted family - names, addresses, it's all there! You're no fun anymore, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': Hey, Joker! ''[throws the bomb at the Joker, who cowers behind Batman - only for the "bomb" to release harmless confetti]'' Gotcha! :''[Batman lets out a short laugh]'' :'''Joker''': ''[dryly]'' Oh, very funny. A million laughs. :'''Batman''': Go home, Mr. Collins. :'''Charlie''': Home. I never thought that could sound so good. I wonder what Bonnie's making for dinner. Right now, anything would taste great. Even meatloaf. ===''Vendetta'' [1.23]=== :'''Batman''': Here's how it works, slimeball. I have questions, and if you have answers, I'll leave you alone. :'''Rupert Thorne''': Oh, I have plenty of answers... thirty-eight caliber answers. Now then, you were saying? :'''Batman''': ''[Using Thorne as a shield]'' I was saying, you'd better hope your men are ''very'' good shots. It's too hot in here. Let's get some air. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Killer Croc''': Terrific. Just what I need now. The freak job in the cape. :'''Batman''': You're no prize yourself. :'''Killer Croc''': ''[strangling Batman]'' What can I tell you now? Being a reptile man ain't pretty... but it's got its upside. Like having the strength of a crocodile, for instance! But I guess you've learned that by now, huh? ''[forcing Batman into the water]'' The hard way. You know, they used to call "Killer Croc" the meanest dude in the Wrestling Federation. Now they'll call him the guy who iced the Batman! :'''Batman''': ''[flip-kicks Killer Croc really hard and gets out of the water]'' Don't hold your breath. ===''Fear Of Victory'' [1.24]=== :'''Mr. Lucky''': Lost? You have that bewildered look, but your sort always does. :'''Thug''': ''[grabs him threateningly]'' I ain't lost. I'm lookin' for you! I wanna know how come you always win, Mr. Lucky. :'''Mr. Lucky''': It's quite simple, actually. I fix the games. :'''Thug''': You can't fix ''all'' those sports. Nobody can! :'''Mr. Lucky''': Oh, ye of little brain, allow me to illustrate. ''[hands the thug an envelope laced in fear toxin]'' Here. You can read, can't you? :'''Thug''': ''[reads it]'' "Boo!" Hey, is this some kinda joke? :'''Mr. Lucky''': It's no joke, I assure you. It's the fear of victory, and the agony of... ''[the thug pulls Mr. Lucky out of the shadows, revealing his true identity]'' '''the Scarecrow!''' :''[The thug gasps in fear, now a victim of his toxin]'' :'''Scarecrow''': So now you understand Step One in how I fix an athletic contest. ''[Scarecrow comes closer to the thug, causing him to fall into some stacks of hay]'' I shall proceed to Step Two! ''[chuckles evilly]'' :'''Thug''': No! NO! GET AWAY! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': There's enough powder in that helmet to panic a pachyderm! He should be postering himself, crying for mercy! :'''Batman''': Change of luck, Scarecrow? :'''Scarecrow''': YOU! :'''Batman''': You're aware that gambling is illegal in Gotham? :'''Scarecrow''': I need the money, Batman! You know the cost of chemicals these days. And it will take much more than this to bring every pathetic person in Gotham to their knees, kissing my feet! ''[reveals a vial of his fear chemical and dangles it above the crowd]'' No closer, Batman! Unless you want a stampede of half-crazed humanity crushing and clawing each other! Now... what guarantee do I have you won't follow me? :'''Batman''': You have my word, Scarecrow. Just don't drop the vial. :'''Scarecrow''': Actually, Batman, I'd prefer a little insurance that you'll be otherwise occupied! ''[drops it]'' ===''The Clock King'' [1.25]=== :'''Fugate''': (after judgment has been passed) No! You can't! I'll be ruined! :'''Judge''': Then perhaps this will teach you to be on time for a change. :'''Batman''': What kind of a saboteur uses a six-thousand dollar Metronex to set a time bomb? :'''Alfred''': A saboteur with too much money? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman:''' Hold it! :'''Fugate:''' Well, well. The Batman. It's about time you showed up! I suppose you want to know why I've brought Downtown Gotham to a standstill, Batman. Hm? Well, let's just say it's because I'm a civic minded citizen with a lot of time on his hands. :'''Batman''': I want some answers, wise guy. Talk! :'''Fugate''': A pity. I don't know what to tell you, Batman - except perhaps that the 9:15 is always six minutes early. :''(He falls off the building and lands safely on the roof of an oncoming train as it speeds away)'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mayor Hill is tied to the hands of a huge clock]'' :'''Clock King''': Comfortable, Hill? Well you won't be for long! At 3:15 on the dot, those hands will come together and you'll be crushed like an insect. 3:15, Hill. Does that time hold any meaning for you? :'''Mayor Hill''': I don't know what you're talking about! :'''Clock King''': You told me to take my coffee break at 3:15. :'''Mayor Hill''': What?! :'''Clock King''': You don't remember?! My ''court date!'' :'''Mayor Hill''': ''[finally realizing]'' Oh my Lord! The lawsuit! Fugate! I swear I was only trying to help! :'''Clock King''': Don't hand me that! You did it on purpose! The plaintiffs were represented by your law firm, Mr. Mayor! :'''Mayor Hill''': But I had nothing to do with that case, Fugate! :'''Clock King''': Not that it matters anymore. Now that you have an appointment to keep, at 3:15 precisely—with the '''Grim Reaper!''' ''[begins laughing maniacally]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I'm here to clean your clock, Fugate. :'''Fugate''': Don't count on it, Batman. When it comes to clocks, ''I'' am king. ''En garde''! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Stop this, Fugate! Hill committed no crime against you! :'''Temple Fugate''': He did worse than that! He made me late! :'''Batman''': Fugate! You can't escape! :'''Clock King''': Au contraire, Batman. You of all people should know, there's always a way out! :''(Fugate begins laughing maniacally as a huge clock wheel falls on him, sending him to his apparent death)'' ===''Appointment In Crime Alley'' [1.26]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': Roland Daggett's up to something, Alfred. :'''Alfred''': That almost goes without saying, doesn't it, sir? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Leslie Thompkins''': This used to be a beautiful street. Good people lived here once. :'''Batman''': ''[placing two roses on the ground]'' Good people still live in Crime Alley. ===''Mad As A Hatter'' [1.27]=== :'''Jervis Tetch''': ''[Discussing the subject of Alice to his lab rats.]'' Of course, intellectually I know it's wrong. After all, she has a boyfriend. Better to withdraw like a gentleman- forget her, turn my heart to other pursuits. ''[Brief pause]'' NEVER! After all, I've created a chip strong enough to control a human brain! It would be so easy to make her forget her boorish beau and love ME! But...that would reduce her to a soulless shell. No...not my Alice. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman has cornered Jervis Tetch, who just subdued Alice with her mindcontrol card and is at a dinner table with him]'' :'''Jervis Tetch/Mad Hatter''': I'll cut that cowl off your neck before you'll take her! I've waited my whole lonely life for her! :'''Batman''': Then all you've waited for is a puppet. A soulless little doll. :'''Mad Hatter''': It didn't have to be this way! You made me do this to her! ===''Dreams In Darkness'' [1.28]=== :'''Batman''': "There's always time to heal", the doctor told me, but he was wrong. There was no time left. Not for me, not for him, and not for Gotham City. And as long as I remained trapped in Arkham, there was nothing I could do, except wait for the end and remember the beginning. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': An entire city, screaming in fear... I wonder if we'll be able to hear it... ===''Eternal Youth'' [1.29]=== :'''Mrs. Thomas''': You wicked, evil- :'''Poison Ivy''': Evil, Mrs. Thomas? I don't control a company that leveled a thousand-year-old forest for a strip mine! THAT'S evil! ''[sprays a gas which causes Mrs. Thomas to become petrified; steals a pair of earrings]'' You and your kind owe Mother Nature a big debt, and I am here to make sure you pay up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': Right now, the bark is merely exoskeletal. It will take months of additional spraying before the transformations become irreversible. But, of course, I have the patience of a redwood. :'''Batman''': ''[snarling]'' And the convictions of a fanatic! :'''Poison Ivy''': Well, if you're not going to be part of the solution, you're obviously part of the problem. Ladies? :''[Ivy's henchwomen begin to spray Batman with the growth formula]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': This spray is triple-strength, Batman! It will start the transformation without any preliminaries! ''[Nothing seems to happen to Batman as he unties his hands]'' He should be sprouting leaves by now! :'''Batman''': ''[Unties his hands and stands up, blocking the spray with his cape as he advances]'' You made your secret too accessible, Ivy! I coated my outfit with a herbicidal antidote! :'''Poison Ivy''': Keep spraying! ''[Violet and Lily back away, still spraying, but Batman subdues them both]'' ===''Perchance To Dream'' [1.30]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[Looking down off the ledge, preparing to jump]'' You're wrong! There IS a way out! :'''Mad Hatter''': Now, now wait just a minute! You don't want to do anything foolish! This isn't an ordinary dream! What if you're wrong?! :'''Bruce Wayne''': '''THEN I'LL SEE YOU IN YOUR ''NIGHTMARES''!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': '''''WHY?''''' Why did you do it?! :'''Mad Hatter''': You, of all people, have the GALL to ask me that? You RUINED MY LIFE! I was willing to give you WHATEVER life you wanted, JUST TO KEEP YOU OUT OF ''MINE!'' <hr width="75%"/> ===''The Cape & Cowl Conspiracy'' [1.31]=== :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Look up "slippery" in the dictionary and you get Josiah Wormwood. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[About the [[w:Bat-Signal|Bat-Signal]]]'' Got a new toy, I see. :'''Gordon''': I figured it might come in handy. ===''[[w:Robin's Reckoning|Robin's Reckoning Part 1]]'' [1.32]=== :''[Robin and Batman are doing a stakeout]'' :'''Robin''': If I knew it was going to take THIS long, I would've brought my homework. You sure about this extortion ring? :'''Batman''': ''[Looking at the construction site through binoculars]'' Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': It's been four hours. :'''Batman''': Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': You still think they'll show? :'''Batman''': Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': Lucky for me, you're such a good conversationalist. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': If you protect him, Stromwell, I'll be very... GRUMPY. [[The Incredible Hulk|You don't want to see me when I'm grumpy]]. ===''[[w:Robin's Reckoning|Robin's Reckoning Part 2]]'' [1.33]=== :'''[[w:Tony Zucco|Tony Zucco]]''': I'm not back in town five minutes - FIVE MINUTES - and he's on my tail. You don't know the Bat. He don't let up! He's the dark angel of death, man, and he wants ME! :'''Mick''': ... Why you, boss? :'''Zucco''': HOW SHOULD I KNOW?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Robin is about to throw Tony Zucco off the pier]'' :'''Tony Zucco''': No, don't! Please... :'''Batman''': Robin! Enough. ''[limps towards him]'' You can't let your emotions get the best of you. :'''Robin''': Stuff your advice, Batman! You and your stone-cold heart! You don't know how I feel. HOW COULD YOU?!? ''[Batman looks at him, and Robin realizes what he said]'' Batman, I didn't mean to... I'm sorry. ''[after he sees the police coming, Robin seemingly readies to throw Zucco off the pier but simply throws him to the ground. The cops arrive and arrest Zucco.]'' You were right, you know, not bringing me along. You knew I'd take it too personally. :'''Batman''': It wasn't that, Robin. It wasn't that at all. Zucco's taken so much, caused you so much pain. I couldn't stand the thought that he might... take you, too. :'''Robin''': ''[putting a hand on Batman's shoulder]'' Come on, partner. It's been a long night. ===''The Laughing Fish'' [1.34]=== :'''Alfred''': ''[seeing Batman with a Joker Fish]'' Dining in tonight, sir? :'''Batman''': ''[sighs]'' The dissection tray, please, Alfred... :'''Alfred''': Any idea what our happy friend is up to now? :'''Batman''': Normal criminals usually have logical motives, but the Joker's insane schemes make sense to him alone. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': Ah-ah-ah-ahem! Look alive, wage slaves. Presenting that caliph of clowns, that mogul of mountebanks, the one and only Joker! :''[The Joker enters, laughing maniacally]'' :'''Francis''': Great Scott! :'''Joker''': Actually, I'm Irish. Good morning, Mister, err, ''[looks at his desk's name plate]'' Francis! Please allow me to introduce my associates. Miss Quinn. :'''Harley Quinn''': ''Enchante''! :'''Joker''': And Messrs, uh... oh, their names escape me for the moment. No matter! We gentlemen of business have arrangements to discuss. :'''Francis''': A... Arrangements? :'''Joker''': ''[drops a Joker Fish onto his desk]'' For my fish, of course! This has all been worked out far in advance, Francis. You are merely the last tiny cog in my grand design! So don't speak to me again, 'kay? Now, what is everyone in town talking about? :'''Francis''': Err... your fish? :'''Joker''': ''[smacks him with the fish]'' I TOLD YOU NOT TO SPEAK! :'''Harley''': ''[sniffs Francis]'' Ooh, fish stink-a-roony! ''[sprays him with a substance from a perfume bottle, making him cough]'' All better! :'''Joker''': As I was saying, since every fish in Gotham now bares my famous and frankly ''fabulous'' face, I should be getting a profit from every fish product sold. ''[one of his thugs pours out a pile of products]'' Let's say a nickel per fish sandwich, fifty cents for sardines - millions of dollars a day to finance my happily hedonistic lifestyle! So which of your tedious copyright forms do I fill out first? You may speak now. :'''Francis''': No one can copyright fish. They're a natural resource. :'''Joker''': But they share my unique face! [[w:Colonel Sanders|Colonel What's-His-Name]] has chickens, and they don't even have moustaches! :'''Francis''': I can't help it, it's the law! :'''Joker''': Oh! Trying to cheat the Joker, are ya?! Well, we'll see who has the last laugh. You have until midnight to change your mind, Francis, or you'll be the poorest fish of all! ''[leaves, laughing madly, with his thugs following]'' :'''Harley''': ''[blows Francis a kiss as she follows]'' Buh-bye! :'''Francis''': He's crazy...! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Francis''': Err, Batman? Why is this happening to me? I've never done anything to this Joker. I'm just a paper-pusher, I can't change the laws. I'm harmless! :'''Batman''': And in his sick mind, that's the joke, Mr. Francis. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Feeling all right? :'''Francis''': ''[scratching himself]'' Oh, sure. It's just that everything's been so crazy today. I haven't even had time to rinse off that gunk the Joker's girl squirted on me... :'''Batman''': ''[to Gordon]'' GET THIS MAN TO A HOSPITAL! ''NOW!'' :'''Francis''': What?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': You're right, Harley. Fish ''are'' disgusting. I think I'll start using my toxin on cattle. Joker Burgers! Ha! Talk about a [[w:McDonald's|Happy Meal!]] <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': ''[after hitting Batman with a big wrench]'' Meanwhile, back at the "wrench"...! Since my sidesplitters don't tickle you, how 'bout a ''skull''-splitter?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After the Joker is seemingly eaten by the shark]'' :'''Harley''': ''[sniffing sadly]'' Oh, my poor, poor puddin'... :'''Bullock''': Come on, he was a demented, abusive, psychotic maniac. :'''Harley''': Yeah... I'm really gonna miss him! ''[sobs into her handkerchief]'' :'''Gordon''': Do you think he's gone for good? :'''Batman''': Believe me, Jim, I wish it were true. But deep inside, I doubt it. ===''Night Of The Ninja'' [1.35]=== :'''[[w:Kyodai Ken|Kyodai Ken]]''': ''[Throwing Bruce]'' Don't be depressed, Wayne-san. You're not bad for a rich man's pampered son. :'''Sensei''': ''[Leaps across room and throws Kyodai]'' There's always someone better, Kyodai. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': His name is Kyodai Ken. He was good. :'''Robin''': Yeah? How good? :'''Batman''': ''[Quickly]'' Good. :'''Robin''': I see. <hr width="80%"/> ===''Cat Scratch Fever'' [1.36]=== :'''Selina Kyle''': Don't tell me you're my very own private probation officer. How often would you like me to check in? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': "Viral Antitoxins". For a plague that doesn't exist, yet, but if the plague is introduced via stray dogs and cats, it will blanket Gotham City within weeks! :'''Roland Daggett''': Days, actually. You know how many strays there are in Gotham, Batman? Three hundred thousand! Imagine if even a tenth of them carried the virus. Not only will this little bottle make me a hero, it'll make me a fortune as well. ===''The Strange Secret Of Bruce Wayne'' [1.37]=== :''[Joker, Two-Face, and Penguin are bidding over Batman's secret identity]'' :'''Two-Face''': $500,000 :'''Penguin''': Poof. Chicken feed. I'll bet a million! :'''Two-Face''': ''TWO'' Million! :'''Strange''': I have two million. Do I hear three? :'''Joker''': Hold it, hold it, HOLD IT! :'''Two-Face''': Get outta my face, clown! :'''Joker''': Which one? :''[An angered Two-Face is about to attack Joker, but Penguin intervenes]'' :'''Penguin''': Gentlemen, it behooves us not to fight amongst ourselves. :'''Joker''': Well put, sardine breath! I think we should ''pool'' our resources on this. $51,240,685! ''[gets out a little coin purse, and pours out some coins]'' And uh, 53 cents. :'''Strange''': Sold! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Strange''': Joker, please! I was set up! Bruce Wayne is Batman! :'''Two-Face''': That's absurd! I know Bruce Wayne. If he's Batman, I'm the King of England! :'''Joker''': And people say I'M crazy! ===''Heart Of Steel Part 1'' [1.38]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': And who's your little friend? :''[Barbara takes a teddy bear out of her purse]'' :'''Barbara Gordon''': Oh, this is Wubby. I've had him forever. Dad won't pick me up at the airport without bringing him along. :'''Commissioner Gordon''': ''[blushing]'' Well... he knows the way better than I do. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': ''[After learning about the AI project]'' Sounds as if the human race could become quite expendable, except for butlers, of course. :'''Batman''': Of course. ===''Heart Of Steel Part 2'' [1.39]=== :'''Randa''': You have immobilized the maker. :'''[[w:HARDAC|HARDAC]]''': His human imperfection endangers the plan. He must be improved upon. <hr width="50%"/> :'''HARDAC''': The maker's concept was sound, but he did not go far enough - which is why I have taken over. ===''If You're So Smart, Why Aren't You Rich?'' [1.40]=== :'''[[w:Riddler|Edward Nygma]]''': ''[Being cheated out of the sales of his game]'' You are a fool, Mockridge, to think you can get away with this! Your amoral greed is no match for an intellect like mine! :'''Mockridge''': Oh, yeah? Then tell me something, Eddie: if you're so smart, why aren't you ''rich?'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman reprograms the Hand of Fate, and uses it to carry himself and Robin to the centre of the maze]'' :'''Riddler''': That is grand-scale CHEATING, Batman! You're not allowed to tamper with the Hand of Fate! :'''Batman''': I don't believe in fate! :'''Riddler''': You probably don't believe in Minotaurs either, but you'll still have to answer the Riddle. :'''Minotaur Robot''': ''I have billions of eyes, yet I live in darkness. I have millions of ears, yet only four lobes. I have no muscles, yet I move two hemispheres. What am I?'' :'''Batman''': ''[pauses in thought]'' That's simple: the human brain. ''[The Minotaur backs away]'' It has billions of optic and auditory nerves, four lobes and two hemispheres, and it's the only thing Edward Nygma respects. :'''Riddler''': A lucky guess, that's all! But it won't save you, Batman! ''[to the Minotaur]'' DESTROY THEM! ===''Joker's Wild'' [1.41]=== :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[as Joker changes the channel in the TV]'' Hey, I was watching that! :'''Joker''': And now you're watching this! :'''Poison Ivy''': Change it back! :'''Joker''': Nope, nope, nope, nope, don't want to. :'''Poison Ivy''': Guard! :'''Security Guard''': What's the problem? :'''Joker''': Don't look now, Sonny Jim, but the plant lady's gone whackers again. :'''Poison Ivy''': He started it! I was just sitting here! :'''Joker''': That's right, you're always blaming me. And the children wonder why we fight! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...the Joker's Wild! :''[Cameron Kaiser cuts the ribbon and unveils a casino with a gigantic Joker head. He is seen spoken to by Summer Gleeson]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': Ugh, that is disgusting! :'''Cameraman''': Psst, Summer! We're on the air! :'''Summer Gleeson''': ''[mortified]'' Oh! Uh... there you have it! Let's get a reaction from the guests. Mr. Wayne? :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[equally nauseated]'' No comment. :'''Summer Gleeson''': Mr. Kaiser, why build a casino seemingly in honor of one of history's most notorious outlaws? :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Summer, please! Wild Joker is a classic symbol, long associated with cards and games. I can't help it if there's a some passing resemblance to some criminal fruitcake. :''[An enraged Joker smashes the television]'' :'''Joker''': How dare that smug, preening fool try to cash in on ''MY'' image! :'''Poison Ivy''': Now who should lighten up? :'''Joker''': Don't get cute with me, Red. He's ripping me off! I'll protest! Yeah! I'll sue! Then I'll rip his lungs out! And I will, too! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': It was a scheme worthy of ''me'', Kaiser, the way you got me riled up and turned me loose on this place! :'''Cameron Kaiser''': You...! You were supposed to destroy the casino! :'''Joker''': Yeah, but then I realized it'd be more fun to get rid of you and run the show myself! :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Bu-But you can't...! :'''Joker''': Oh please, Mr. Kaiser! You of all people should have realized there'd be a Joker in the deck! ''[laughs]'' ===''Tyger Tyger'' [1.42]=== :'''Dorian''': I want to test Tygrus' reflexes and feral strength, and who better to pit him against than you? I'll give you a generous head start before I release Tygrus. If you defeat him, I shall relinquish this, the antigen to reverse Catwoman's mutation. :'''Batman''': How do I know you'll keep your word? :'''Dorian''': You don't. The clock is ticking, Batman. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': So you ''can'' talk. :'''Tygrus''': My father taught me. :'''Batman''': Your father was a test tube. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': Batman! The antidote! I'll be stuck like this forever! :'''Tygrus''': Would that be so bad? You could stay here, with me. :'''Catwoman''': Oh, Tygrus... I can't live like this, I have to be human again. :'''Tygrus''': ''[sadly, taking her hands in his]'' Goodbye, Selina. :''[As he leaves, Catwoman sees that he has given here the serum. She looks overjoyed, then calls out to him]'' :'''Catwoman''': Wait - won't you come with us? There's nothing for you here. :'''Tygrus''': There's nothing for me anywhere. ''[disappears into the falling rain]'' :'''Batman''': ''[in voiceover]'' "[[w:The Tyger|Tyger Tyger burning bright, in the forests of the night: what immortal hand or eye, dare frame thy fearful symmetry?]]" ===''Moon Of The Wolf'' [1.43]=== :'''Professor Milo''': What you're suffering from is an early stage of lycanthropy, more commonly known as werewolfism; for that I have no treatment. However, advanced werewolfism can be cured. :'''Anthony Romulus''': ''[after a wolf howls, Anthony starts transforming]'' Ohhh, you fool! There's no telling what the werewolf might do! :'''Professor Milo''': Hey, ask me if I care. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Do me a favour, shaggy: stay down! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bullock''': No trace of Wolfie! We checked the shoreline for miles! But in four weeks, there's another full moon. Then we'll know for sure. ===''Day Of The Samurai'' [1.44]=== :''[Batman swoops away after rescuing his Sensei's student, Kairi]'' :'''Kairi''': ''[In Japanese]'' Spirit of the bat... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yoru''': If you see Batman, tell him I have great respect for him. :'''Bruce''': Why? He's as much a ninja as Kyodai was. :'''Yoru''': Not so. Batman offered to help his adversary, and a lesser man would have used the secrets of the Onemuri touch against his opponent. Batman is the essence of samurai, Wayne-san. You would do well to remember that. :'''Bruce''': ''[bows]'' Domo arigato, sensei. ===''Terror In The Sky'' [1.45]=== :'''Batman''': Reports of a huge bat creature the size of a man. Remind you of anybody? :'''Alfred''': Present company excluded? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You couldn't leave it alone, could you, March? You've recreated the mutagen. :'''March''': ''[aiming a tranquilizer rifle at him]'' Recreated it? I've ''refined'' it! At night, on my own, so the others wouldn't know. I still believe only a creature like a Man-Bat can survive the next evolutionary cataclysm - and it will! My new serum could be even more powerful than Kirk's! :'''Batman''': ''[after disarming March]'' "''Could'' be"? What do you mean? :'''March''': I needed to test it, but before I had the chance-- :'''Batman''': ''[clearly surprised]'' You mean you ''haven't'' taken it? :'''March''': Of course not! The experimental batch was destroyed. I'll have to-- :'''Batman''': Destroyed? How? :'''March''': I'd been working through the night. I was just completing the final combination. ''[remembers incident at his lab as he drops the beaker of mutagen upon Francine's surprise entry]'' Francine burst in. I was startled. You have to understand I was very tired, I accidentally dropped the beaker. The whole night's work, ruined! Francine never guessed what I was doing, she even helped me clean up the mess. All that... glass! ''[recalls Francine licking her finger after it is pricked by a small shard of glass]'' Oh... oh, my lord... Francine! The mutagen - it's in ''her'' bloodstream now! ''[breaks down at his folly as Batman loads a tranquilizer into a pistol of his and then gives March the formula paperwork]'' :'''Batman''': Is ''that'' what it's going to take? Your daughter's life, before you end this insanity? :''[Later that night, March burns the files]'' ===''Almost Got 'Im'' [1.46]=== :'''Joker''': I want a nice clean game, gentlemen. :'''Penguin''': That'll be a first. So, I hear 'you-know-who' nailed the Mad Hatter last week. :'''Joker''': No kidding. He sure gets around for one guy. :'''Two-Face''': Yeah, well that's where you're wrong. I don't think it IS one guy. :'''[[w:Killer Croc|Killer Croc]]''': Huh? :'''Two-Face''': The way I figure it, Gordon's got a bunch of 'em stashed someplace like a SWAT team. He wants you to think it's one guy, but- :'''Joker''': Meh. You're always seeing double. :'''Penguin''': It's obvious our caped friend suffered some crime-related trauma when he was younger. Perhaps an over-anxious mugger blew off a piece of his face. :'''Joker''': Sure! He could be all gross and disgusting under that mask! ''[as Two-Face crushes a milk carton]'' Uh, no offense, Harv. :'''Two-Face''': Just deal. :'''Killer Croc''': Well, ya know what ''I'' think? :'''Joker''': Not the robot theory again... :'''Killer Croc''': Well, he COULD be. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Two-Face''': Poison Ivy... :'''Poison Ivy''': It's been a long time Harvey. You're still looking...halfway decent. :'''Two-Face''': Half of me wants to strangle ya. :'''Poison Ivy''': And what's the other part want? :'''Two-Face''': To hit you with a truck! :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[to the others]'' We used to date. :'''Penguin/Joker''': Ah. ===''Birds Of A Feather'' [1.47]=== :'''[[w:Penguin (comics)|Penguin]]''': Say, who's there? Two-Face? Croc? Joker, old shoe? :'''Batman''': None of the above, Penguin. :'''Penguin''': Oh no, not you... :'''Batman''': Get used to it. Wherever you go, I'll be right behind you. :'''Penguin''': Precisely where you belong. But you needn't bother. Haven't you heard? I've reformed. Paid my debt to society, and all that. :'''Batman''': We'll see. I just came to tell you to keep your beak clean. :'''Penguin''': ''[grabs a can of rat poison]'' As long as you're here, won't you stay for a cappuccino? :''[Batman gives him an annoyed look before leaving]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Batman defeats a gang of thugs threatening the Penguin and Veronica]'' :'''Batman''': I knew you couldn't stay clean for more than one day. :'''Veronica''': Let him go! He didn't do anything. It was those brutes! :'''Batman''': ''[genuinely surprised]'' He wasn't with them? :'''Penguin''': That's right, you vulgar vigilante! In my day, I associated with a much higher class of riff-raff! :'''Veronica''': I'm so sorry, Ozzie. :'''Penguin''': As long as you weren't bruised, my peach. ''[kisses her hand]'' :'''Batman''': "Peach"? :'''Penguin''': Why don't you be a good masked man and ride off into the night? This time, ''I'll'' clean up after ''you.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Veronica''': Please, Oswald! If it's money you want, I can get you more! :'''Penguin''': ''SHUT UP!'' All I wanted from ''you'', dearie, was a little friendship. That would have cost you ''nothing.'' But now you'll pay! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Veronica''': Oswald? I really was growing fond of you. It's too bad this had to happen. :'''Penguin''': ''[coldly]'' I suppose it's true what they say: society is to blame. ''High'' society. ===''What Is Reality?'' [1.48]=== :'''Batman''': "Where does a 500 pound gorilla sleep?" "What's worse than a millipede with flat feet?" "How do you stuff five elephants into a compact car?" :'''Alfred''': Anywhere it wants, a giraffe with a sore throat, and two in the front seat, two in the back, and one in the trunk. :'''Batman''': Yeah, yeah. I know, I know. Any schoolboy knows those. But brain teasers are the Riddler's M.O. Not corny old jokes like these. :'''Alfred''': Perhaps the questions are the clues, not the answers. For example, they all seem to involve animals. :'''Batman''': Also numbers. A ''500'' pound gorilla. A millipede, meaning a thousand legs. And five elephants. Now let's convert them to Roman numerals. ''[he does, revealing the letters DMV]'' Look! :'''Alfred''': DMV... :'''Batman and Alfred''': Department of Motor Vehicles! :'''Alfred''': But I recall you mentioning he'd already obliterated his records there, so why return? :'''Batman''': For the hard copy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no tales. :'''Batman''': Another riddle, Nygma? :''[Four quarters and a single penny emerge from the return change chute]'' :'''Riddler''': It all makes sense when you add it up! :''[In the Batmobile]'' :'''Alfred''': Four quarters and a penny, sir? :'''Batman''': Penny... Penny... Cent... Red cent... Copper. It's made of copper. :'''Alfred''': And "copper" is another word for a policeman. :'''Batman''': And "no tails" would be heads. Police head... Quarters! :'''Alfred''': Police Headquarters. Bravo, sir! It does make "cents" when you add it up! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': He can't be online! I searched through every file. :'''Riddler''': You searched the software. Had you bothered to examine the hardware you would have discovered a cordless modem line. :'''Riddler''': A pity you can't earn extra lives in this game.Quite an experience being riddled with questions, isn't it, Batman :'''Robin''': Batman don't open that door Crazy Intent means Loco Motion! Batman finds himself on a chessboard: :'''Riddler''':Only Batman can put the King in check and you have to move according to the rules or its the end of the day :'''Robin''':They call you the dark Knight..so you have to move like a knight (If Batman fails to move as a knight it'll be "KNightfall" (!) :'''Riddler''':Careful, vigilante, you know what they say, "Curiosity killed the Bat". :'''Batman''': Can you solve it? :'''Robin''': Are you kidding? You're looking at the guy who solved the Baxter's Box puzzle in 37 seconds! Course, this time I don't have a sledge hammer... After escaping Riddler Virtual realty Traps, Batman tries to rescue Gordon from Riddler :'''Batman''': You may control this world, Nygma, but I still control myself! :'''Riddler''': The name is "Riddler"! Edward Nygma doesn't exist anymore! You may recall that he was once fired by an ungrateful employer! That was a private matter and was meant to remain one! :'''Batman''': Attempted homicide is never a "private matter", Nygma! :'''Riddler''': No, but it would have been if you hadn't interfered and turned Edward Nygma into a fugitive! So I deleted Nygma. Just as I'm about to delete you, Batman. :'''Batman''':Tell me this.. Riddler how can you spread your conscious thirty-two times..and still have the concentration to keep your world together? YOU CAN'T! Batman saves Gordon :'''Riddler''': No....NO..... I can escape that easy...but if the Planet was equitable...I'd still have my old Job....No...wait...I'M ...not Ready.....AHHHHH' :'''Gordon''': But we'll never find him :'''Batman''': I think he left us a clue..."If the planet were equitable, I'd still have my old job". :'''Robin''': Of course. If the "World's Fair," I'd still have my "Ex-position". Oh, give me a break. [Batman, Robin and Gordon find Riddler mind trapped in his virtual realty world] :'''Batman''': Looks like he didn't escape his virtual reality in time. :'''Robin''': You mean he's been trapped inside his own program? :'''Batman''': Could be and how to get him out may be a riddle no one can solve. ===''I Am The Night'' [1.49]=== :'''Batman''': A weary body can be dealt with. But a weary spirit? That's something else. Sometimes, old friend, I wonder if I'm really doing any good out there. :'''Alfred''': How can you doubt it? The lives you've saved, the criminals you've brought to justice-- :'''Batman''': I've put out a few fires, yes. Won a few battles. But the war goes on, Alfred. On and on... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Leslie Thompkins''': You seem quieter than usual tonight. :'''Batman''': Every year, I come here and wonder if it should be the last time. If I should put the past behind me, try to lead a normal life. :'''Dr. Thompkins''': [[George Santayana|Santayana]] says, "Those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it." :'''Batman''': He also said a fanatic is someone who redoubles his efforts while losing sight of his goal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I chose this life. I use the night - I ''became'' the night. Sooner or later, I'll go down. It might be the Joker, or Two-Face, or just some punk who gets lucky. My decision, no regrets. But I can't let anyone else pay for my mistakes. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': "[[Friedrich Nietzsche|When you look too long into the abyss, the abyss looks back through you.]]" Maybe it's time for Batman to return to the night that spawned him, before anyone else gets hurt! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[grabs Wizard]'' Up to your old tricks, I see. How about returning that suitcase to its owner? :'''Wizard''': Hey, man, I ''am'' the owner. :''[Batman, surprised, lets him go]'' :'''Wizard''': Y'know, I was kinda hoping I'd run into you. I'd been in those places like where you left me before. Heard the rap, wasn't impressed. But this time, it made sense. Maybe I was ready to hear it. So I'm heading back home. I guess I kinda owe it to you, Batman. You probably saved my life. I'll bet you hear this all the time. Look, I'm gonna miss my bus, I'll see you around. And... thanks. :''[Batman smiles as he watches Wizard leave]'' ===''Off Balance'' [1.50]=== :'''[[w:Talia al Ghul|Talia]]''': My contact lenses! I lost them when we fell! They counter the distortion effect. Without them, I'm as helpless as you. :'''Batman''': I don't do helpless. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Ra's al Ghul|Ra's al Ghul]]''': So even in defeat, the detective manages to achieve some small measure of victory. As you said, detective: this is not over. ===''The Man Who Killed Batman'' [1.51]=== :'''Joker''': You know, there's just one thing bothering me about your story, Sid. No body. No BATUS DELECTI so to speak. We need to pull a job tonight just to make sure. :'''Murphy, Joker's henchman''': Make sure what, boss? :'''Joker''': ''[surprised by Murphy's question]'' Why that old Batsy's bought the cave of course, and one more thing Murphy.....''[turning more annoyed]'' don't ask stupid questions. ''[pushes Murphy to the hyenas who scratch and lick him crazily, to Joker's satisfaction]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': I'll get the mop. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': When the cops come, stall them for awhile, just until Batman arrives. '' Got it?'' :'''Henchman''': Right, boss. :'''Joker''': ''[to Murphy, still scarred from the hyenas]'' Any questions, Murph? :'''Murphy''': No sir! :'''Joker''': ''[to Sid The Squid]'' Good man. And if Batman hasn't ''really'' gone to his final reward, ''we'll'' see that he gets there! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Dear friends... today is the day the Clown cried. And he cries not for the passing of one man, but for the death of a dream. The dream that he would someday taste the ultimate victory over his hated enemy. For it was the Batman who made me the happy soul I am today. How I agonized over the perfect way to thank him for that. Perhaps with a cyanide pie in the face. Or an exploding whoopie-cushion playfully planted in the Batmobile. But those dreams were dashed by the weaselly little gunsel sitting there in our midst. The cowardly insignificant gonif who probably got lucky when Batman slipped on the slime trail this loser left behind him. This mound of diseased hyena filth who's not fit to lick the dirt from my spats...! But I digress. The time for sorrow has passed. It's time to look to a future filled with smiles. And I'll be smiling again just as soon as we take that man THERE...and slap him in that box THERE...and roll him into that vat of acid THERE! Well that was fun...who's for Chinese?! ===''Mudslide'' [1.52]=== :'''Clayface''': ''[After civilians flee in terror upon seeing his true form]'' That's right, run! Run for your measly lives! Run from Clayface! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Clayface''': You've upstaged me for the last time, Batman. Time to bring down the curtain! ===''Paging The Crime Doctor'' [1.53]=== :'''Rupert Thorne''': You think you iced the Batman, huh? Heh heh heh... Not on your best day, Jake! I'd cover my back if I were you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce Wayne''': Bruce Wayne, Dr. Thorne. Thomas Wayne's son. Did you get my letter? :'''[[w:Joseph Campanella|Matthew Thorne]]''': Yes. Thomas Wayne... :'''Bruce Wayne''': I told you I can help with your legal costs, maybe even put in a good word with the judge. :'''Matthew Thorne''': Yes, but what do you get out of it? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Well, there is something you can do for me. :'''Matthew Thorne''': I knew it! I knew there'd be a catch. Sorry, Mr. Wayne. Matthew Thorne is no longer for sale! :'''Bruce Wayne''': I'm not looking for any illegal favors. :'''Matthew Thorne''': What then? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Something you know. Something only you can give me. ''[pause]'' Tell me about my father. :''[Dr. Thorne grins and camera pans out as he ushers Bruce to resume his seat]'' ===''Zatanna'' [1.54]=== :'''[[w:Zatanna|Zatanna]]''': What do you care about some leggy dame in nylons- or have I just answered my own question? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zatanna''': ''[About Batman's mask]'' What happened that made you put this on? :'''Batman''': A painful memory, and a promise. ===''The Mechanic'' [1.55]=== :'''The Penguin''': ''[furious at his men for stealing the wrong stamps by mistake]'' These are terrible! Terrible! :'''Eagleton''': ''[indignant]'' Come on, boss. Give me a break. We got you the stamps. What more do you want? :'''The Penguin''': ''[tossing the worthless stamps angrily]'' I wanted the rare ones! The reversed Audubons! These aren't worth enough to pay for the repairs to the limousine. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Earl Cooper''': ''[sees the damaged Batmobile]'' You been letting the kid drive again? :'''Robin''': Ha ha. Actually we were playing chicken with a penguin. :'''Batman''': Or three of his men. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Penguin is scrubbing license plates in prison]'' :'''Penguin''': ''[reading one]'' "1 BAT 4U"?! ''[breaks it in anger]'' ===''Harley and Ivy'' [1.56]=== :'''Joker''': NO, we didn't get the diamond! The Dork Knight showed up before we even got to the museum! I had a great shot at him, too. Except... my dear little Harley Quinn handed me the wrong gun! :'''Harley Quinn''': But puddin', it was kinda funny watching you shoot at him with the bang flag! ''[Rocco and Henshaw can't help laughing then stifle it as the Joker glares at them]'' :'''Joker''': ''[turning back to Harley]'' Funny? You presume to tell me what I should think is funny?!? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[Poison Ivy trips the alarm, spoiling and hers and Harley Quinn's separate robberies]'' Nice going, butterfingers! Why not turn on the Bat-Signal while you're at it? :'''Poison Ivy''': I wasn't TRYING to get caught! :'''Harley Quinn''': Could've fooled me! Hey, aren't you that plant lady Poison Oakie? :'''Poison Ivy''': Ivy! Poison IVY, not Oakie! :'''Harley Quinn''': Sorry! Harley Quinn, please to meet ya! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Poison Ivy is about to give an injection to Harley Quinn]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': I hate shots! I hate shots! :'''Poison Ivy''': Now, now. You're not immune to poison like I am, and you won't last ten minutes here in Toxic Acres without my antidote. ''[gives the injection]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': Oooh! Whew, you'd think after livin' with Mr. J, I'd be used to a little pain. :'''Poison Ivy''': Why do you put up with that clown? :'''Harley Quinn''': Don't get me wrong. My puddin's a little rough sometimes, but he loves me, really. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[sarcastically]'' Sure he does. You're just one big, forgiving doormat, aren't you? :'''Harley Quinn''': I am NOT a doormat! ...Am I? :'''Poison Ivy''': If you had a middle name, it would be Welcome. But cheer up, kid. You just need some lessons in good old female self-esteem. In other words, let's play with the boys on ''our'' terms. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': That should keep you big strong men busy while we weak little girls loot your trophy room. :'''Harley Quinn''': Gee, Ives, you got style! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[sighs softly]'' No offense, Ives, but I'm not very hungry. Somehow I don't feel like my old perky self. Something's missing. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[angrily slams her form on Harley's plate]'' Will you stop?! I can't believe you're still mooning over that psychotic creep! :'''Harley Quinn''': Well, maybe I'd feel better if I knew he missed me, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': HARLEY!!! This place is going to blinking blue blazes! Anybody seen my socks?! '''HARLEY!!!''' ''[the hyenas snarl at Joker]'' OH!! They snapped at me! What's going on, Rock? This place is a mess, no one's fed the hyenas and I can't find my socks! Where's Harley?! :'''Rocko''': Y-y-ya canned her, boss. Remember? :'''Joker''': So? She's always come back before. :'''Rocko''': Gee... I guess ya ain't seen the papers then. :'''Joker''': Papers?! What are you babbling about?! ''[snatches the newspaper from Rocko and reads an article of Harley's partnership with Poison Ivy]'' '''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!''''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[to Poison Ivy]'' I remember when I would go driving like this with Mr. J. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[imitating Harley Quinn]'' "Mr. J, Mr. J." Oh, change the record, Harl! You wanna be some wacko's victim the rest of your life?! ===''Shadow Of The Bat Part 1'' [1.57]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[indignant after reading about James Gordon's arrest]'' We'll see about this. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara Gordon]]''': So Batman can't help me? Fine. Let's see what Batgirl can do! ===''Shadow Of The Bat Part 2'' [1.58]=== :'''Two-Face''': Don't get wise with me, Mason. Remember who got you set up as Gordon's assistant? :'''Gil Mason''': Right, Harvey, right. :'''Two-Face''': ''[grabs him]'' Don't call me that! It's TWO-FACE to you, pretty boy! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I should've known it would be Two-Face. It's a perfect two-part plan. He consolidates the gangs while Mason takes over the police. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Gil Mason is about to murder James Gordon to become commissioner, and later mayor]'' :'''Gil Mason''': It's business, Jim. Nothing personal. Matter of fact, I respect you, I do. But a fellow has to take his opportunities where he finds them. And with you out of the way, I'll be mayor inside of a year! :'''Gordon''': You're SICK, Gil! ''[glances at Two-Face]'' A lot sicker than him! At least I can see his bad half! :'''Mason''': Sorry you feel that way. At least you won't have to worry about Barbara. I'll take good care of her. She's very fond of me, you know. :'''Gordon''': You piece of scum! I may not be able to stop you, but I know someone who will! :'''Mason''': I wouldn't get your hopes up. You see, there's been a recent decline in the bat population... ===''Blind As A Bat'' [1.59]=== :'''Penguin''': Your aim appears to be a little off today, Batman. I don't think you could hit the broad side of a barn, let alone the broad side of this bird! You're blind as a bat. Sightless and helpless. :'''Batman''': You've got ''one'' right. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': You have a call on your private line. :'''Bruce''': Then let's go! :'''Alfred''': In your condition, sir? :'''Bruce''': If you think a little inconvenience like this is going to stop me... :''[he knocks over a lamp]'' :'''Alfred''': Indeed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': ''[contacting Mayor Hill's office from the Raven]'' Quite a machine, this Raven. Amazing what its communications equipment can do. Don't you agree? You've received my instructions? :'''Mayor Hill''': They arrived by messenger this morning. You know, one-hundred million is a a lot of money. It'll take time to raise that much. :'''Penguin''': You're stalling, Hill. Obviously, you're not taking me seriously. I've warned you not to make that mistake. Apparently, I'll have to show you why. :''[shuts off communication and Hill angrily snaps his pencil in half]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Hill''': Just what I was afraid of. According to the controller's office, we can't come close to putting that ransom together. Not without shutting down basic municipal services. :'''Detective Bullock''': So what other options do we got? :'''Batman''': ''[emerging from the shadows]'' None, gentlemen. Which is why you're going to do exactly what the Penguin wants you to. ===''The Demon's Quest Part 1'' [1.60]=== :'''Ra's al Ghul''': As [[W:Napoleon|Napoleon]] told me, "A strong will can fuel a frail physique." <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Look at it, detective. One of the last of the rainforests. The world depends upon its oxygen, yet the rich see only profit in its destruction. You, who belong to the overclass, have much to answer for. :'''Batman''': Bruce Wayne donates millions of dollars a year to preserve these forests. :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Which are being depleted at the rate of 120,000 acres a day. Does your money solve this problem? No! It will take more than wealth. It will take power, and I fear, ruthlessness. Humankind must be forced to serve the planet instead of its own appetites. :'''Batman''': And you're the one who'll do the forcing? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': I am... qualified, yes. But I may not have sufficient lifetimes left to me. ===''The Demon's Quest Part 2'' [1.61]=== :'''Ubu''': Infidel! :'''Batman''': If you only knew how sick I am of you calling me that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ra's al Ghul''': The material of the Pit is an unknown chemical stew that bubbles to the Earth's surface only in certain key places. Even now, my people are placing bombs, such as that one, over the various Lazarus Pits around the world. These bombs are electronically linked to a private satellite already in Earth orbit. :'''Batman''': ''Orpheus''. :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Precisely. And at the moment when sun and moon are in proper alignment to cause the greatest upheaval in Earth's geomagnetic field, I shall send a signal to that satellite, beginning a countdown. Five minutes thereafter, one bomb will be lowered deep into the heart of each Pit. The satellite will in turn relay a microwave signal that will detonate all the bombs simultaneously. The multiple explosions will result in a global chain reaction. All the Lazarus Pits throughout the world will overflow. The globe will be saturated with their chemical solution, and when the resultant cataclysm has abated, there will come a blessed peace, and this poor, defiled planet shall find itself restored to its former pristine glory. :'''Batman''': But that will cost countless lives! :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Actually, Detective, we ''have'' counted: Two billion, fifty-six million, nine hundred and eighty-six thousand! A most impressive plan, would you not agree? :'''Batman''': Yes... I can see it clearly now for the first time. You are completely out of your mind. ===''His Silicon Soul'' [1.62]=== :'''Rossum''': You don't understand. You're not a man's mind in a robot's body. You're a robot. Period. :'''Bat-Duplicant''': You're lying! It's not possible! I know my family and friends! I remember names, faces, birthdays! I have memories! A past! :'''Rossum''': You have information. Data. Nothing more. Do you remember your first kiss? Your favorite song? The last time you tasted a really good steak? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[about the duplicant]'' Could it be it had a soul, Alfred? A soul of silicon, but a soul nonetheless. ===''Fire From Olympus'' [1.63]=== :'''Stavros''': Please! It's not what you think. I wasn't going to say anything. Honest! :'''[[w:Maxie Zeus|Maximillion "Maxie" Zeus]]''': Silence! First, you transgress against me. Then, you force me to descend to the mortal plane. And now, you tell me I know not what I think?! :'''Stavros''': No! :'''Zeus''': To the depths of Tartarus with you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zeus''': You bore me with these tales of petty human concerns. :'''Clio''': ''[annoyed]'' You're doing it again, Max. :'''Zeus''': You are Clio, my muse of history. Amuse me with tales of ancient times when mortals trembled at the name of Zeus. :'''Clio''': You want a story? I got one. Seems there was this guy named Max who, because he'd been lucky so far in the smuggling racket, believed himself to be untouchable, superior, godlike... :'''Zeus''': There's a cynical edge to your voice I don't appreciate. Know you not, I am above mortal constraints of right and wrong? :'''Clio''': No one is above the law, Max. :'''Zeus''': I make my own laws! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zeus''': Begone, Lord [[w:Hades|Hades]]. Get thee back to thine own realm. Do not come again to Olympus until bidden! :'''Batman''': I think I get the message. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Clio''': ''[telling Batman about Zeus]'' He wasn't always this way, you know. But then business got bad and he started handling cargo for the mob. After a while, with the pressure, the tension... things got confused. He's not living in the real world anymore. ''[awkwardly]'' Maybe you can relate to that? :'''Batman''': ''[after a short silence]'' You're the only one who can get me close enough to help him - while some of the man you knew still exists. ===''Read My Lips'' [1.64]=== :'''Batman''': How do you think I found this place? The phone book? I had help. ''Inside'' help. :'''[[w:Ventriloquist (comics)|Scarface]]''': My premonition! I knew I was right! Which one of you louses is it?! :'''Rhino''': It ain't me boss! :'''Scarface''': I know it ain't you, Rhino! You're too stupid to be a traitor! :'''Rhino''': Thanks, boss. :'''Scarface''': But whoever it is, they're gonna pay big time! Who is it?! You don't talk, you get the ultimate massage! :'''Batman''': And if I tell? :'''Scarface''': Maybe you just get run over by a truck. :'''Batman''': Tempting, but no. :'''Scarface''': Have it your way. Rhino! :''[Rhino gets ready to pull the lever to lower Batman to a pit of mannequins with razor-sharp fingernails]'' :'''Batman''': Hold it! :'''Scarface''': This is gettin' old, Bats. Last chance, who's the traitor? :'''Batman''': Him! The Ventriloquist! :''[everyone glares at the Ventriloquist]'' :'''Ventriloquist''': No, no! He's lying! I told you when he came into my room! :'''Scarface''': So what? Maybe you did 'cause I had ya cornered. Heard ya talkin' to Batman. :'''Batman''': ''[uses his own ventriloquism to imitate the Ventriloquist]'' Shut up, you blockhead! :'''Scarface''': WHAT DID YOU SAY?! :'''Ventriloquist''': It wasn't me! I didn't say that! My lips didn't move! :'''Scarface''': So what?! You're a ventriloquist! You're also a lyin' yellow liver-bellied two-face! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, Scarface! I'm loyal! I'd never! :'''Batman''': He's been feeding me information, in return for legal protection. ''[imitates the Ventriloquist again]'' You're going up the river, sawdust-for-brains! :'''Scarface''': Why, I oughta...! Waste the floor-flusher! Come on, I gave an order! ICE HIM! DO IT! DO IT NOW! :'''Muggsy''': But, boss, we ventilate the Ventriloquist, your, y'know... :'''Scarface''': I'M SURROUNDED BY TRAITORS! Okay, fine. Ya want something done right, do it yourself! ''[aims his gun at the Ventriloquist]'' ===''The Worry Men'' [1.65]=== :'''Veronica''': If ever someone led a worry-free life, it's you, Bruce Wayne. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce''': Tell me, Alfred: what's an ancient Mayan witch doctor doing on a Gotham skyscraper? :'''Alfred''': This isn't one of those Riddler questions, is it? :'''Bruce''': No, but it's just as confusing. <hr width="50%"/> :''[As Batman attempts to escape from his guillotine]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Oh, you're a clever one! But I will not be denied! As the great [[w:Lewis Carroll|Lewis Carroll]] said: "[[w:Jabberwocky|One, two, one, two, and through and through the vorpal blade went snicker-snack! He left it dead, and with its head, he went galumphing back!]]" <hr width="50%"/> :''[Freed from his mind control, the Mad Hatter's jaguar gang turn on him]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Stop! :'''Shaman''': Yes, stop. Leave him to the police. :'''Mad Hatter''': Thank you. Thank you, you generous, forgiving, ''[draws a gun from his hat]'' noble fool! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': I must say, after all the Hatter put him through, that fellow showed remarkable restraint. :'''Bruce''': When everything was said and done, all the shaman really wanted was to go home. In fact, I hear he even sent the Hatter a farewell gift. :''[The Hatter is seen tossing and turning in bed in Arkham]'' :'''Bruce''': Something to ensure that Jervis Tetch only dreams of a good honest life from now on. :''[A Batman doll is revealed from under the Hatter's pillow]'' ==Season 2== ===''Sideshow'' [2.1]=== :'''Killer Croc''': You know, there's something the brains back at the joint didn't think about. :'''Prison Guard''': Yeah, what's that? :'''Killer Croc''': Crocodile's got the strongest jaws of any animal around. ''[bites his handcuffs in half]'' :'''Prison Guard''': ''[spits the coffee out of his mouth and pins Croc with the shotgun]'' Get back! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman arrives with his shadow. Goliath wakes up and Batman covers Goliath's mouth by calming him down]'' :'''Batman''': Calm down, I won't hurt you. I'm just looking for someone: half man, half crocodile. ''[Goliath looks over worriedly]'' He's in there, isn't he? :'''Goliath''': ''[Pushes Batman to the cage]'' No! Stay away! ''[Holds him against it]'' He's one of us. Croc, run! :'''Batman''': ''[Kicks Goliath into the stomach]'' I don't wanna hurt you. :'''Goliath''': Don't worry, you won't. ''[Hits Batman with the big punch and Batman and Goliath starts fighting]'' :'''Killer Croc''': ''[Comes out of the house]'' You. ''[Gives Batman a spear]'' :'''Billy''': Richard, help! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Billy the Seal Boy''': Why, Croc? Why'd you turn on us like that? We could have helped you, we could have done something. :'''Killer Croc''': You said you can be yourself out here, remember? Well, I guess that's what I was doing - being myself. ===''A Bullet For Bullock'' [2.2]=== :'''Bullock''': Let's get something straight from the get-go. I think you're a freak and a menace, and those are your ''good'' points. But the commish says you serve a purpose, so I go along. :'''Batman''': I appreciate your honesty. What's the problem? :'''Bullock''': Somebody's got it in for me. Tried to give me a fender massage last night. It ain't the first time. Last week too. :'''Batman''': Any suspects? :'''Bullock''': So many, they could have their own zip code. I've put a lot of guys away, and they hate me for it. Looks like one of them hates me enough to do something about it. :'''Batman''': Why me? Why not just go to the department? :'''Bullock''': I step on a lot of toes. I don't want Internal Affairs looking at me too close. They might find some things I don't want found. :'''Batman''': Are you on the take? :'''Bullock''': Watch it, freak! I never took a dime from nobody! I just bend the rules a little sometimes, you understand. We're not all that different. :'''Batman''': We're on the same side, but we're ''not'' the same. I'll help you find out who's after you, but you've got to collar them clean. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': We ''are'' speaking of the same person, are we not? Harvey Bullock? The detective who looks like an unmade bed? :'''Batman''': The same. :'''Alfred''': He came to ''you'' for help? It must be serious. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Montoya''': Bullock? You okay? You don't look so good. I mean, you never look good, but today you look worse. :'''Bullock''': After fifteen years working in this cesspool, I'd like to see how good ''you'' look! <hr width="50%"/> :''[In the Batmobile]'' :'''Bullock''': Nice starship you got here. What's this for? ''[points towards a button]'' :'''Batman''': Passenger ejector seat. :''[Bullock withdraws nervously, while Batman smirks slightly]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bullock''': By the way, I still think you're a freak, but... thanks. ===''Trial'' [2.3]=== :'''Two-Face''': Basic fifty-fifty option. You get him off, you both go free. He goes down, you take the fall with him. :'''Mad Hatter''': Amusing idea, what? Kidnapping you to be Batman's attorney? :'''Two-Face''': Personally, I suggested a quick slug between the eyes... but I lost the coin toss. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarface''': Court is now in session! The Good People of Arkham Asylum vs. the Self-Righteous Vigilante Called Batman! Our prosecutor is ready, likewise our fair and impartial jury. :'''Mad Hatter''': Hang him! :'''Harley''': Shoot him! :'''Killer Croc''': Hit him with a rock! :'''Scarface''': And now, all rise for the most honorable, most benevolent, most merciful Judge Joker! :'''Joker''': GUILTY! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I was promised a chance to defend my client! :'''Joker''': Oh, very well. Like it'll make a difference. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I suppose that you, like your friends, claim that Batman ''drove'' you to be a criminal? :'''Mad Hatter''': He did. :'''Janet Van Dorn''': And yet, as I recall in your case, you brainwashed and kidnapped a woman who rejected you. :'''Mad Hatter''': Batman forced me to do it! He was going to take her away from me! I had no choice! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': You could have respected her wishes and left her alone. :'''Mad Hatter''': I'D HAVE KILLED HER FIRST! ''[gasps and covers his mouth, then turns to the Joker]'' I'd like that last statement stricken from the record, please. :'''Joker''': Record? Is someone supposed to be writing this down? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': And so it's Batman's fault you lead a life of crime? :'''Poison Ivy''': He should have let me bump off Harvey Dent. We'd all have been better off - wouldn't we, Harv? :'''Two-Face''': ''[muttering while flipping his coin]'' Why, you rotten little... :'''Janet Van Dorn''': But Miss Isley, isn't the real motivation for your crimes your obsession with plants? That you prefer them to people? :'''Poison Ivy''': I love plants, honey, but a rose is a rose. :'''Janet Van Dorn''': Then it doesn't bother you when someone, let's say the judge here, ''[plucks the flower from the Joker's robe]'' ruthlessly ''plucks'' a defenceless flower from the warm green earth? :'''Poison Ivy''': No! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': Even knowing he's given it his death sentence? That its petals must die? ''[starts pulling its petals out]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': Stop it...! :'''Poison Ivy''': One by one, withering, falling. One by one till it's all gone, ''honey.'' :''[She crushes the flower so that it crumbles apart. Ivy shrieks with rage and attacks her, and the Scarecrow and Mad Hatter rush in to restrain her]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Miss Ivy, please! :'''Scarface''': You look beautiful when you're angry. :''[Ivy smacks the Ventriloquist in the face, and Scarface laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I used to believe Batman was responsible for you people. But now I see nearly everyone here would have ended up exactly the same, Batman or not. Oh, the gimmicks might be different, but you'd all be out there in some form or another bringing misery to Gotham. The truth is, ''you'' created ''him.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Well done, counsellor. You've proven that Batman ''didn't'' create us - that we, in fact, messed up our own rotten lives! And as we are so rotten, vile and depraved... we're going to waste you anyway! :''[The inmates cheer and close in on Batman and Janet]'' :'''Joker''': [[w:Porky Pig|A-bi-a-bi-a-bi, that's all, folks!]] ''[bangs down a rubber chicken]'' Let's mambo! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I see now there's a need for the things you do. But I'm still going to work towards a city that doesn't need Batman. :'''Batman''': ''[smiling]'' Me too. ===''Avatar'' [2.4]=== :'''Lucius Fox''': Without a doubt, this will be one of the best museum exhibitions Gotham City has ever seen. You can be quite the humanitarian on occasion, Bruce. It's commendable. It's inspiring. :'''Bruce''': It's deductible. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce''': You've got a serious priority problem, Ra's. What can be in that tomb that's more valuable than the love of your daughter? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Power, detective. The power once held by almighty Thoth-Khepera, Queen of Two Continents. :'''Bruce''': You surprise me, Ra's. The world's oldest chauvinist chasing after a woman? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Thoth-Khepera was not simply a woman, detective, nor merely a ruler. Through her flowed the power of the gods. With no more than a gesture, she controlled the force of life and death, and with it, she kept a nation under her thumb for one thousand years. :'''Bruce''': You sound like a bad Saturday afternoon serial, Ra's. This is sheer nonsense. :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': No, detective - I know there is a power there to be tapped! My six hundred years of life are proof of that power. :''[Bruce and Talia are trapped in a glass booth]'' :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Farewell, detective. Farewell, Talia. It is said that one finds one's immortality in one's offspring. Alas, I know that to be a lie. ===''House and Garden'' [2.5]=== :'''Batman''': She's done nothing more incriminating than return an overdue video - even paid the late fee. :'''Alfred''': Could it be Ivy truly has reformed? :'''Batman''': I want to believe it. Why can't I? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You haven't changed a bit. :'''Poison Ivy''': Yes, I have. I meant it when I said I wanted a family that loves me. I just wanted it on my terms. :'''Robin''': Lady, you're nuts! :'''Poison Ivy''': Well, that's ''your'' opinion. Probably the last one you'll ever have, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': I'm just sorry she got away. :'''Batman''': Me too, Robin. But I don't think we'll see her again anytime soon. :''[The real Ivy is shown escaping on a plane out of Gotham, looking through a scrapbook]'' :'''Batman''': Ivy lost everything she had, everything she said she ever wanted. For what it's worth, I believed her when she told me that for the first time in her life... she was happy. :''[Ivy sheds tears as she looks at a photo of her wedding]'' ===''The Terrible Trio'' [2.6]=== :'''Warren''': Is this all you do for kicks, Bruce? Charity work? :'''Bruce''': Well, I do have a night life. Pull! ''[shoots down a clay pigeon]'' Besides, it's important to help others. It may sound corny, but hey, it's how I feel. :'''Warren''': You must recognize that you are a superior animal, Bruce. A member of the elite. Pull! ''[shoots down another clay pigeon]'' Take my Delta brothers and me. Why, we've run with the bulls! :'''Armand''': Shot game from hot air balloons! :'''Gunther''': Killed a great white! :'''Warren''': We've done it all. Ah, therein lies the problem. After all, what do the rajas do when there are no more tigers to hunt? :'''Bruce''': I'm sure you'll think of something, Warren. ''[leaves]'' :'''Warren''': Dollar for dollar, that has to be the dullest man in Gotham City. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Scoundrels like these are worse than the Joker. At least he's got madness as an excuse! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Let's go, Fox. You've raided your last chicken coop. :'''Warren''': Wait, wait a minute! We can make a deal! A million dollars to let me go! ''Ten'' million! Think about it. Buys a lot of Batarangs! :'''Batman''': ''[unimpressed]'' Your money's no good here. :'''Warren''': Okay, fine! Go ahead, take me in, hero! I've got every judge in town in my pocket! You'll see! I'll get justice! The best that money can buy! :''[Next, Warren is seen being ushered into a cell at Stonegate, where his burly new cellmate gives him a menacing look]'' ===''Harlequinade'' [2.7]=== :'''Harley''': ''[in handcuffs]'' I sense a lack of trust. :'''Robin''': Are you sure you don't need help keeping Zippy under control? :''[Harley picks the lock on her cuffs while Batman speaks]'' :'''Batman''': I'm fine. Besides, I need you to be ready if Gordon's men get any leads. I'll signal if there's trouble. :'''Robin''': You got it. :'''Harley''': I wanna listen to the radio! ''[reaches for the controls]'' :'''Batman''': DON'T--! :''[Harley Quinn deploys a parachute, causing the Batmobile to swerve wildly. When the Batmobile stops, Batman is furious]'' :'''Harley''': ''[timidly]'' Oops... :'''Batman''': Listen, and listen good. You don't touch anything, say anything, or DO ANYTHING UNLESS I TELL YOU! GOT IT?! :'''Harley''': Yes, sir. :'''Batman''': ''[turns away, Harley begins making faces at him]'' So far, Joker hasn't been seen in any of his old hideouts. I want you to show me the last place he used when he escaped. ''[catches her making a face, which she replaces with a sheepish grin]'' :'''Harley''': Okay! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Instead of taking you, the cops, and the Batman down separately? I'm gonna blast you all at once! ''[takes out his phone and speaks into it]'' Send down the plane, boys! We're blowing town! Literally. ''[gets off the phone]'' :'''Mayor''': But all those innocent people... :'''Joker''': Some joke on them, eh? Think of it as the ultimate punchline! Ha ha ha ha ha! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': It's lucky you were here, Quinn. The countdown sequence didn't leave Joker enough time to swing by Arkham and pick you up. :'''Joker''': Quiet, brat. :'''Harley''': You ''were'' gonna come for me, weren't you, Puddin'? :'''Joker''': Of course, pumpkin-pie! It's just that... well, here you are, so I can, err, save myself the trip! :'''Harley''': But what about all our friends, Ivy and Two-Face and... Hat-Guy and Lizard-Man and Puppet-Head and-- ''[Joker shoves her into the plane]'' :'''Joker''': What about them? :'''Batman''': Don't forget your little pets! :'''Harley''': ''[gasps]'' The babies! We can't leave the babies! :'''Joker''': ''[shoves Harley into the plane again]'' I'll buy you a goldfish! Let's go! :'''Harley''': ''[struggling]'' NO! :'''Joker''': Why, you little...! :''[Harley kicks him in the face]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley''': ''[points the gun against Joker]'' Freeze, clown! :'''Batman''': Quinn, stop! :'''Harley''': He's mine, Bats! :'''Joker''': ''[grinning]'' You wouldn't dare. You don't have the guts! Not in a million years would you-- :''[Harley pulls the trigger - and a flag that reads "Rat-Tat-Tat" comes out of the barrel. The Joker stares at her for a moment, and throws his arms wide to embrace her]'' :'''Joker''': Baby, you're the greatest! ===''Time Out Of Joint'' [2.8]=== :'''Mayor Hill''': You! How did you get past-- :'''The Clock King''': Good evening, Mayor! Nice to see you again too. And whose life are you ruining now? A poor pensioner? A malnourished orphan, perhaps? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Hill''': Please, Fugate, don't hurt me! :'''The Clock King''': If it's any comfort, my revenge will encompass more than just you. I intend to pass a most timely sentence on the entire judicial system. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': It's a shame that you've decided to keep this device a secret. :'''Dr. Wataki''': It would seem that the world is not quite ready for it yet. :'''Robin''': Gee, that's too bad for Fugate. I'm sure he'll wish he had something to make the days pass quicker where he's going. ===''Catwalk'' [2.9]=== :'''Scarface''': Calm down, pussycat. We're all friends here. ''[to the Ventriloquist]'' Dummy, don't keep our pretty guest in the dark. :'''Ventriloquist''': Yes, sir, Mr. Scarface. ''[turns on the lot, revealing him and Scarface]'' :'''Scarface''': Ah, that's better. :'''Selina Kyle''': ''[gasps]'' You gotta be kidding! ''[laughs]'' :'''Scarface''': What's she laughin' at? My fly ain't open, is it?! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, sir. :'''Scarface''': So what's the gag? :'''Selina Kyle''': Oh come on, you know! ''[in a goofy voice]'' "What's the gag?" :'''Scarface''': ''[aims his gun at Selina]'' Can it, sister! This is Scarface you're dealing with, and I don't stand for no disrespect. :'''Ventriloquist''': I'd do as he says, ma'am. Mr. Scarface can be quite insistent. :'''Scarface''': I don't think anyone's talking to you! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, sir. No, sir. :'''Selina Kyle''': Right... so, what do you want with me? :'''Scarface''': My boys happened to be in the museum when they saw your little set-to with Miss Ronnie V. They also seen you licking your whiskers at the sight of Ronnie's pretty sparklers. :'''Selina Kyle''': You're boring me, log. :''[the Ventrloquist pulls out an envelope from his coat]'' :'''Scarface''': So what if I could provide you with a foolproof plan to snatchin' those rocks with no risk of you gettin' caught? :'''Selina Kyle''': Pass. Kitty's been staying it at night. It's not the greatest, but it beats the pound, if you know what I mean. :'''Scarface''': Now, that's a darn shame. And I thought for sure you'd want a chance to get even with the Vreelands. Not just for yourself, ya understand, but for all those poor little stuffed critters what never had the chance to fight back. :'''Selina Kyle''': Oh, barf. :'''Scarface''': It's a 50/50 cut. Take it or leave it? You in or what? :''[Selina thinks about it for a while then picks up the envelope]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': What a pleasant surprise. Though I should warn you - breaking and entering is against the law. :'''Batman''': You would know. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarface''': [[w:Tweety|I thawt I thaw a putty tat!]] <hr width="50%"/> :''[Catwoman crushes Scarface under some logs]'' :'''Catwoman''': That's one way to remove a splinter. What's wrong, Ventriloquist? Cat got your tongue? :'''Ventriloquist''': Please, I never hurt you! Scarface, he's another person, not me, really! :'''Catwoman''': But he's inside you somewhere. And I'm going to keep scratching until I find him. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': [[w:Just So Stories|I am the cat who walks by herself.]] ===''Bane'' [2.10]=== :'''Thorne''': You almost didn't get paid. You're lucky these diamonds didn't get nabbed in the smuggling bust. :'''[[w:Bane (comics)|Bane]]''': No, Mr. Thorne. You are the lucky one. ''[He punches the punching bag across the room]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': He wrecked my car, Alfred. Between two guys, that's ''real'' personal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bane''': Toys. You try to fight me with pathetic little TOYS. You've got nothing! Beg for mercy! SCREAM MY NAME! :'''Batman''': Never. :'''Bane''': You are beaten! Now I will break you! ===''Baby-Doll'' [2.11]=== :'''Robin''': ''[on "Love That Baby"]'' I remember this show from when I was a kid. It still stinks. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At Wayne Manor, Summer Gleeson is on the telephone talking to Marv Wolfman at her office.]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': I don't care what Mayor Hill says. The people have a right to know, and if he won't talk to us-- ''[Batman drops a photo of Baby-Doll onto her desk]'' I'll call you back, Marv. ''[to Batman and Robin]'' Since when are you interested in has-been actors? :'''Batman''': Since that one's been kidnapping her co-stars. :'''Summer Gleeson''': You're serious? :'''Robin''': She's been picking them off, one by one. Any reason she'd have a grudge? :'''Summer Gleeson''': Actually, ''they'' should hate ''her.'' Dahl put them all out of work when she quit the series to become a "dramatic" actress. :''[Summer plays a video of Mary Dahl playing Lady Macbeth]'' :'''Mary Dahl''': What, will these hands never be clean? Here's the smell of the blood still. All the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand. :'''Robin''': Pee-yew! :'''Summer Gleeson''': That's what the critics said. Baby's dramatic career flopped, and when she tried to start her TV show again, the networks turned her down. :'''Batman''': That still doesn't explain why she's after her old cast. :'''Robin''': ''[picks up a cassette]'' Maybe there's a clue in these old episodes. :'''Summer Gleeson''': You can borrow them if you want. And when you crack the case, you can pay me back with an exclusive... ''[turns to see that they have gone]'' interview. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': Naughty, naughty, Daddys! Mustn't yell at your Baby like thats. :'''Tod Baker''': You're not my daughter, and we're not a family! We're actors, remember?! You cancelled our show because you whined you weren't getting enough attention! :'''Baby-Doll''': ''[putting on a sad face]'' But I knows now I made a boo-boo! ''[sniffles and breaks character]'' It was hard for me out there. I studied and trained and auditioned, but no one wanted me. ''[plays the sound of a crowd going "Aww..." on her tape recorder]'' Over the years, I remembered how happy I was with all of you around me, and the folks at home watching me each week. Me, ''[goes back into her "cute" voice]'' Baby-Doll! ''[giggles]'' Now I'm Baby for good, and everyone will love me agains! Hugs, hugs! :''[Her goons force the actors to share a hug with her, and she plays the "Aww..." again]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': ''[watching episodes of Baby Doll's old TV show]'' Remember that time Poison Ivy nearly smothered us in those vines, with the ''really'' sharp thorns? :'''Batman''': Yes. :'''Robin''': This is worse. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': ''[after her TV brother is rendered unconscious by her bodyguard]'' Sorry I had to play roughs, Tippy. I didn't mean to. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': ''[Mariam kicks Robin around]'' Wow, lady! You're good! :'''Mariam''': It's a living... <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman pursues Baby-Doll in a funhouse tunnel maze]'' :'''Baby-Doll''': Silly Mr. Batman can't catch me! :'''Batman''': Don't run away! I know you're scared, confused - I can help you! :'''Baby-Doll''': Liar, liar, cape on fire! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': Game's over, Mr. Batman! ''[laughs]'' I WIN! ''[Batman fires his grappling gun, knocking the doll-gun down a slide]'' No fair! ''[runs to retrieve it, and stumbles into a room full of fun-house mirrors. Picks up the gun, wandering through the various distorted reflections, until she comes to one that shows her as an adult]'' Look! That's me in there. The ''real'' me! There I am... ''[touches the reflection, and her face changes]'' ...But it's not ''really'' real, is it? Just... made up and pretend, like my family and my life and everything else! ''[turns to face Batman, who stands behind her]'' '''''WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST LET ME MAKE-BELIEVE?!''''' ''[fires at mirrors, and cries after breaking the mirror with her adult reflection. Batman approaches her]'' I didn't ''mean'' to... ===''The Lion And The Unicorn'' [2.12]=== :''[Alfred breaks a chair over a thug's head.]'' :'''Robin''': And here all I thought you dusted was furniture. :'''Alfred''': A [[w:Louis XV|Louis Quinze]]; what a pity. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred Pennyworth''': ''[after being drugged with a truth serum]'' You'll get nothing but gibberish out of me, madam. I come from haunts of cootenfern and knicker sudden Sally. Uh... dee-dum dee-dum dee-dum dee-dum, and bicker down the valley. :'''Red Claw''': And people wonder why no one takes Britain seriously anymore. ===''Showdown'' [2.13]=== :'''Sheriff''': Well, well. Jonah Hex, his own bad self. Been here five minutes and you ain't killed nobody nor set nothin' on fire. Slippin', ain't you? :'''[[w:Jonah Hex|Jonah Hex]]''': I'm still a little bushed. :'''Sheriff''': Fact is, you look a little past it, Hex. Not tired, just all used up. :'''Hex''': Well, when I get pushed, I can still shoot a fly out from between its wings. Provided the light's right, of course... and it's a big ''plump'' fly. :''[The sheriff glances down at his own portly figure. Two other bargoers retreat outside, sensing trouble.]'' :'''Sheriff''': I ain't got nothin' on you, Hex... yet. Just remember, them wanted posters say "dead or alive". You might try "alive" this time. :'''Hex''': First time for everything. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duvall''': It would appear we have ourselves a government spy. A rather disreputable-looking one at that. Well, Mr. Spy, I'd say your plan has failed, and the railroad is doomed. :'''Hex''': I ain't no spy! I'm Jonah Hex, and I don't give a tinker's cuss about no railroad. I've come to get ''you'', Arkady Duvall, on account of what you done to that girl back east. :'''Duvall''': ''[chuckles]'' You mean to say, you've tracked me across ''twelve states'' because of that? :'''Hex''': Well, there's also the matter of a 200 dollar reward. That part don't hurt my feelings none. :'''Duvall''': You're either a liar or a fool. :'''Hex''': I've been known to be foolish, but ain't ''nobody'' calls me a liar and goes to bed happy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hex''': Now! Let's you and me dance. :'''Duvall''': You cannot defeat me. I am a Heidelberg fencing champion. :'''Hex''': My heart's all a-flutter. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duvall''': Five thousand in gold, take it. Leave me be. :'''Hex''': It ain't about money, boy. It's about justice. And I aim to serve you some. :'''Duvall''': Let me live, please! :'''Hex''': I will. Only because it's too much trouble to haul your stinkin' carcass back east. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You left Duvall to his fate a century ago. Why come back for him now? :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Did you really think, detective, that in my six hundred years of life, I would have sired only ''one'' offspring? Even before the Phoenix debacle, I had come to realize that Arkady was too unbalanced and cruel to wisely rule my empire. :'''Batman''': But you couldn't forget about him. :'''Ra's al Ghul''': What father can ever forget his son? Come now, detective, I've still a few good years left. We will cross swords another day. But for now, let me take my boy home. ===''Riddler's Reform'' [2.14]=== :''[After learning about the theft of historical antiquities on TV]'' :'''Riddler''': ''[in Bruce's memory]'' Those are things of the past, Batman. Ancient history that's gone now. I'm a new man! But you probably won't figure that out before it's too late! ''[laughs]'' :'''Bruce''': ''He'' did it. :'''Dick''': Who? :'''Bruce''': The Riddler. Remember what he said: "Things of the past." "Ancient history that's gone now." Look! :'''Dick''': Gee, I don't know. His riddles aren't usually that subtle. Besides, he's got a multimillion dollar deal with that toy company. Why would he throw it away over some stupid riddle crime? :'''Bruce''': Because that's the way his warped mind works. He's obsessed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': He's right, you know. :'''Manny''': Who? :'''Riddler''': Batman. He ''is'' going to catch me, sooner or later. :'''Manny''': Gee, boss, you're scaring me. You're talking kinda crazy. :'''Riddler''': DON'T YOU ''EVER'' CALL ME THAT! I fooled the police, the doctors, the Parole Board - all of them! There's only one person who's ever been able to challenge me: ''BATMAN!'' He's the only one worthy of the game! :'''Manny''': But you said sooner or later he's gonna catch you. What are you gonna do? :'''Riddler''': I'm never going back to Arkham! So I guess there's only one thing to do! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': Hello, Batman. This is it: the end of the game. I'm a little sad actually. You were a worthy opponent. But then, I told you I'd make a ''killing'' at the Toy Fair! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': ''[ranting in a cell in Arkham]'' It's IMPOSSIBLE, I tell you! Impossible! My trap was perfect! How did he do it?! I have to know! SOMEBODY TELL ME! IT'S NOT FAIR! THERE WAS NO WAY, I TELL YOU! NO WAY HE COULD HAVE GOTTEN OUT! SOMEBODY TELL ME! DO YOU HEAR ME?! SOMEBODY TELL ME HOW HE DID IT! I HAVE TO KNOW! '''''I HAVE TO KNOOOOOOOOOW!!!''''' ===''Second Chance'' [2.15]=== :'''Penguin''': And what might ''you'' be doing out there? Catching insects for dinner? :'''Batman''': I'm looking for Two-Face. :'''Penguin''': What, did you lose him? ''[chuckles]'' :'''Batman''': Somebody kidnapped him from Gotham Central tonight. You and he had a disagreement sometime ago, didn't you? :'''Penguin''': It's true. Harvey stole a rare ''avis'' right out from under my beak several months ago. A jewel-encrusted statuette of a two-headed [[w:roc (mythology)|roc]]. It was worth millions. But, my dear rodent, I'd never kidnap a fellow rogue out of his sickbed. It just isn't done. :'''Batman''': Honour among thieves? :'''Penguin''': Absolutely. If I were going to attack Harvey, I'd do it face to face... to face, heh, so to speak. Like THIS! ''[laughs and unleashes his birds on Batman]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You may as well come out. I know everything now. :''[A man emerges, his identity obscured by shadows]'' :'''Batman''': You hated Harvey Dent, and would do anything to destroy him. :''[Lightning flashes, revealing the man to be Two-Face himself]'' :'''Two-Face''': Why not? He was going to destroy me. Just like I'm going to destroy you! ''[attacks him]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Harvey, pull yourself up! :'''Harvey''': I can't! I'll drop the coin! :'''Batman''': Drop it! Save yourself! :'''Harvey''': I... I don't know what to do. The coin won't tell me! :'''Batman''': It can't tell you anything! I switched coins when you grabbed me! :'''Robin''': ''[swings and kicks the thugs out of Batman's way]'' Good thing I decided to tag along after all. :'''Batman''': It's a trick coin! It'll always land on edge! It's ''your'' decision now, Harvey! Life or death? The coin or me? :''[Robin threw the batarang to hit the elevator button to send the thug in an elevator, thunderstruck and Harvey/Two-Face decided to drops the coin]'' :'''Harvey''': Batman, help me. :''[Batman tries to give Harvey a hand, but Two-Face suddenly regains control]'' :'''Two-Face''': Never! ''[punches Batman and falls]'' :'''Batman''': ''HARVEY!!!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harvey''': ''[seen in half-shadow, making him appear to once again be Harvey Dent instead of Two-Face]'' Bruce? Good old Bruce. Always there. You never give up on me. :''[Bruce Wayne smiles and pats Harvey's shoulder before he is escorted away]'' :'''Dick''': He's right. You're always there for him. :'''Bruce''': Yes, just like you're always there for me. :'''Dick''': Hey, what are friends for? ===''Harley's Holiday'' [2.16]=== :'''Scarecrow''': I am the Master of Fear! The Lord of Despair! Cower before me in witless terror! :'''Harley''': Hi, Professor Crane! :'''Scarecrow''': ''[Smiling fondly]'' Good evening, child. ''[To Batman and Robin, furiously]'' Worship me, you fools! Worship me! Scream hosannas of anguish to Scarecrow, the all-terrible God of Fear! ''[Guards take him away]'' :'''Robin''': I think he's getting better. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley''': I'm having a BAD DAY! I'm sick of people trying to shoot me, run me over and blow me up! I didn't even get to keep my new dress - I ACTUALLY PAID FOR IT! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman and Robin take Harley back to Arkham]'' :'''Harley''': ''[sadly]'' [[w:To market, to market|Home again, home again, diggity dig...]] :'''Dr. Joan Leland''': Not for too long, though. Ms. Vreeland dropped the kidnapping charges. With a little more hard work, you should be ready to re-enter society for good. :'''Harley''': Yay... ''[to Batman]'' There's one thing I've gotta know. Why'd you stay with me all day, risking your butt for someone who's never given you anything but trouble? :'''Batman''': I know what it's like to try and rebuild a life. ''[takes her dress out of a bag]'' I had a bad day too, once. :'''Harley''': ''[takes the dress, smiling]'' Nice guys like you shouldn't have bad days. ===''Lock-Up'' [2.17]=== :'''Scarecrow''': Don't take me back there, please! Look at me, Batman! I'm shaking with fear! Me! The Scarecrow! I wasn't even going back to crime this time! I just had to get away from... HIM! :'''[[w:Lock-Up (comics)|Lyle Bolton]]''': I'll take it from here, Batman. Lyle Bolton, Chief of security. Congratulations, Professor Crane. You're the first inmate to escape Arkham under my charge. ''[He grabs Crane by the collar; Crane whimpers]'' You're also the last. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bartholomew''': Miss Quinn? Do you have any complaints against Mr. Bolton? :''[Lyle Bolton sneers threateningly at Harley Quinn]'': :'''Harley Quinn''': I got nothing to say. :'''Bartholomew''': But surely you must have something you wish to- :'''Harley Quinn''': You got a hearing problem or something?! NO! NADA! IXNAY! ZERO! ZILCH! BUPKES! NOTHING! OKAY?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': He threatens us! Takes away our privileges, even when we're good! :'''[[w:Lock-Up (comics)|Lyle Bolton]]''': We've heard enough of this nonsense. :'''Jonathon Crane''': He says scum like us must be kept in line! That's why he chains us down at night and electrifies our doors! :'''Scarface''': He held me over a can filled with a termites! Ya hear me?! ''TERMITES!'' :'''Harley Quinn''': He's an animal! :'''Ventriloquist''': A monster! :'''Jonathon Crane''': Keep him away! :'''Lyle Bolton''': '''SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU!''' :''[The guards retrain Lyle Bolton, he kicks the table, resists the guards and attack and them; he threatens to kill the inmates, and Bruce Wayne trips him with the chair]'' :'''Lyle Bolton''': You're all scum! You should be beaten within an inch of your misbegotten lives! :'''Bartholomew''': I've seen enough! ''[pounds the gravel]'' Lyle Bolton, you're dismissed! :'''Lyle Bolton''': Before I came here, Arkham was a revolving door for every maniac in Gotham. ''I'' kept them in! '''ME!''' Now I realize I was wrong to punish those pathetic miscreants! '''THEY'RE ONLY SYMPTOMS! ''YOU'RE'' THE CAUSE! THE GUTLESS POLICE, MINDLESS BUREAUCRATS, AND CODDLING DOCTORS! YOU SHOULD ALL BE LOCKED UP IN A CAGE WITHOUT A KEY!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lock Up''': I could have rid Gotham of the fools in city hall and the police department! We could have made our own order! :'''Batman''': I was born to fight your brand of order! :'''Lock Up''': If that's your decision...! ===''Make 'Em Laugh'' [2.18]=== :'''Dispatcher''': Disturbance reported at the top of the Crown restaurant. Suspect is a male costumed extremist armed with what appears to be a... ketchup gun. :'''Batman''': It's going to be one of those nights. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Condiment King''': So long, suckers! Parting is such "sweet-and-sour" sorrow. ''[Batman yanks away his loot bag]'' What's this? Ah! The big bad Bat-guy. I knew you'd "ketchup" to me sooner or later. How I've "relished" this meeting. You, the dynamic Dark Knight, versus me, the conceptual Condiment King! Come, Batman. Let's see if you can "cut the mustard". :'''Batman''': Quiet! ''[punches the King in the stomach]'' :'''Condiment King''': ''[slumps to ground, gasping]'' You hit me! :'''Batman''': Now listen, Mustard Man, or whatever you call yourself. You're obviously new at this, so I'm willing to go easy on you, provided you give back the loot and never even think about doing this again. Deal? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Buddy's agent''': I don't get it. Buddy's just thrown his entire career away. The network's cancelling his show and the restaurant's suing him for a million dollars. Why did he do it? It just doesn't make sense. ===''Deep Freeze'' [2.19]=== :'''Batman''': Men like Walker are obsessed with getting their own way. And they don't let little things like the ''law'' stop them. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grant Walker''': Do you realize that in your half-frozen state, you will age more slowly than an ordinary human? You're practically immortal, my friend! :'''Mr. Freeze''': Yes, eternal life trapped in this wretched shell! What a miserable joke. :'''Grant Walker''': Miserable to you, but a godsend to me. Look at me, Mr. Freeze, I'm an old man. I've created wonders in my lifetime, but there is still so much to do! I want to change as you have. To become, like you, a being of blessed, eternal cold. :'''Mr. Freeze''': You're insane. :'''Grant Walker''': Only you know how to duplicate the accident that made you what you are. What I long to become! :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[grabs him]'' You want to live like this? Abandoned and alone? A prisoner in a world you can see but never touch? ''[drops him and turns away]'' Old and infirm as you are, I'd trade a thousand of my frozen years for your worst day. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grant Walker''': Every time I open a park, I get gatecrashers. :'''Batman''': We've seen your insane vision of the future, Walker. :'''Grant Walker''': My world will have no crime, violence or pain. :'''Robin''': You can add free will to that list too! :'''Grant Walker''': A small price to pay for order. :'''Batman''': ''Your'' order! For your select few! :'''Grant Walker''': Excuse me, but I fail to see the problem with that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You can't let Walker do this. Billions of people will perish! :'''Mr. Freeze''': That's not my concern. All that matters is I once again have my wife, and the means to restore her. :'''Batman''': She'll wake up in a dead, frozen world that ''you'' helped destroy. She'll ''hate'' you for that! :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''Silence.'' :'''Batman''': You think you're alone now? Wait until she learns the truth. :'''Mr. Freeze''': '''I SAID ''SILENCE!''''' ''[blasts at Batman and Robin, knocking them backward, then turns back to Nora with a saddened face]'' Forgive me... ''[frees Batman and Robin]'' Come, there is much to do. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Dick recovers from hypothermia]'' :'''Dick''': Man, if I spent any more time in that immersion tank, I'd be growing gills. :'''Bruce''': I'm just glad I was able to get you back here in time. :'''Dick''': Thanks. For a while I thought I'd end up like Walker, trapped in a ice cube forever. What about Mr. Freeze? Do you think he's gone for good? :'''Bruce''': I'm not sure. But if Freeze's condition has made him truly immortal... we may not have seen the last of him. ===''Batgirl Returns'' [2.20]=== :'''Catwoman''': Bats are just mice with wings, little girl. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Batgirl|Batgirl]]''': So, what are you going to do? Leave us over one of these vats with acid burning through the rope? :'''Daggett''': ''[Laughs]'' If there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's that you crime-fighting types are very resourceful. So, I'll just have my men shoot you and throw your bodies in the vats. == About ''{{PAGENAME}}'' == *'''PD''': If I had to differentiate between [Batman and Superman], I'd say Superman is sort of about hope. You've got this guy who's an alien and not truly human, but he personifies all the best qualities of humanity. He's sort of an example of what it would be nice to be like. We would all like to be like Superman. We would all like to have power, compassion, the ability to settle problems in a good way, and maybe [be able to] wink to ourselves about how nobody else besides us knows we really have this secret power and we keep it ourselves. There's not a lot of angst with Superman. If there is, it's more like, "I wish I could tell Lois who I really was." Batman is how you'd like to be if you [could] break someone's neck: "I'm pissed off, and I want to go out and do something about it." Superman waits for trouble to happen, and then he goes off and stops the problem. Batman's looking for trouble; he doesn't really start it, but he's out there looking. And if he sees something going on, he just jumps into the middle of it. :'''JA''': Batman's sort of a sociopath too. :'''PD''': He's absolutely a sociopath. He's a sociopath with a lot of money, and he's got a sense of right and wrong. I don't think he's totally bereft of some sort of compassion or feeling for some of the villains. He doesn't go after somebody like Mr. Freeze without a small bit of compassion for the man, or maybe someone like the Mad Hatter, or even Harley, whom he thinks is certainly a pain in the ass, but I think he kind of wishes she'd get her act together and wise up at some point. <br> But with darker characters like the Scarecrow and the Joker, he's basically out to make sure they never get out again - whatever it takes to take them down. Somebody like the Joker is probably the least human of all of Batman's Rogues Gallery. That was why I never wanted to do a story that humanizes the Joker, like we did with the Mad Hatter or Mr. Freeze, because I just don't think the character lends itself to that. He's almost supernatural in a way; he's somebody who's just thoroughly insane, who does what he wants to do, and who has a grudge against Batman. He probably likes horrifying people with his clownish appearance as much as Batman terrorizes criminals with his nightmare-like appearance. The Joker is pretty inhuman. I'd say the same thing about the Scarecrow. He is someone who really gets turned on by scaring people. He's like the anti-Batman. He's a weak, very unimposing man until he puts on the Scarecrow costume, and then goes out and gasses people with fear gas, and he watches them squirm. There's probably a big turn-on seeing people helpless in front of him screaming in fear. *'''PD''': When [[w:Tim Burton|Tim Burton]]'s ''[[Batman (1989 film)|Batman]]'' came out, that was the way to go. Now [[w:Joel Schumacher|Joel Schumacher]]'s [[Batman Forever|Batman]] is out there, and people are flocking to the movies, so they"re saying, "Can you lighten up the show a little bit? Can you have more fun with it?" So that's what we were charged with doing, and that's what we've done: to lighten up the color palette a little bit, so that every character's not just in dark colors. Robin, for instance, is now black, red, and gold, instead of green. Nightwing is black and a light, almost iridescent, blue. We've also given it a little more of a kid-friendly look. :* [[w:Paul Dini|Paul Dini]], [http://animationarena.com/batman_the_animated_series.html "Batman: The Animated Series"], ''Animation Arena''. * The thing with the Batman show—even though it's one of the most beautiful and well-written shows, and it really gets into Batman—is that it doesn't really move that fast. The fight scenes aren't that intense, and it doesn't really go actiony. There's a lot of walking and talking in it. It looks great, but it needs that kick of having action. And I think that's another thing that kids are picking up on: For the first time, you're actually seeing superheroes really fight bad guys. In a lot of the cartoons when I was growing up, like [[w:Super Friends|Super Friends]], there was no fighting of bad guys. They would just get sent off to jail. It was wacky, it was silly, it wasn't intense, and there wasn't real fighting and stuff in it. ** [[w:Craig McCracken|Craig McCracken]] [http://www.avclub.com/article/the-powerpuff-girls-13665 "The Powerpuff Girls"], Keith Phipps, ''A.V.Club'', Jun 21, 2000. == Cast == * [[Kevin Conroy]] - [[w:Batman|Bruce Wayne/Batman]] * [[w:Loren Lester|Loren Lester]] - [[w:Dick Grayson|Dick Grayson/Robin]] * [[w:Melissa Gilbert|Melissa Gilbert]] - [[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara Gordon/Batgirl]] * [[w:Clive Revill|Clive Revill]]/[[w:Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.|Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.]] - [[w:Alfred Pennyworth|Alfred Pennyworth]] * [[w:Bob Hastings|Bob Hastings]] - [[w:James Gordon (comics)|Commissioner James Gordon]] * [[w:Robert Costanzo|Robert Costanzo]] - [[w:Harvey Bullock (comics)|Detective Harvey Bullock]] * [[w:Ingrid Oliu|Ingrid Oliu]]/Liane Schirmer - [[w:Renee Montoya|Officer Renee Montoya]] * [[Mark Hamill]] - [[w:The Joker (comics)|The Joker]] * [[w:Arleen Sorkin|Arleen Sorkin]] - [[w:Harley Quinn|Dr. Harleen Quinzel/Harley Quinn]] * [[Paul Williams (songwriter)|Paul Williams]] - [[w:Penguin (comics)|Oswald Cobblepot/The Penguin]] * [[Adrienne Barbeau]] - [[w:Catwoman|Selina Kyle/Catwoman]] * [[w:John Glover (actor)|John Glover]] - [[w:Riddler|Edward Nygma/The Riddler]] * [[w:Richard Moll|Richard Moll]] - [[w:Two-Face (comics)|Harvey Dent/Two-Face]] * [[w:George Dzundza|George Dzundza]] - [[w:The Ventriloquist (comics)|Arnold Wesker/The Ventriloquist/Scarface]] * [[w:Henry Silva|Henry Silva]] - [[w:Bane (comics)|Bane]] * [[w:Aron Kincaid|Aron Kincaid]] - [[w:Killer Croc|Killer Croc]] * [[w:Marc Singer|Marc Singer]] - [[w:Man-Bat|Dr. Kirk Langstrom/Man-Bat]] * [[w:Ron Perlman|Ron Perlman]] - [[w:Clayface|Matt Hagen/Clayface]] * [[w:Diane Pershing|Diane Pershing]] - [[w:Poison Ivy (comics)|Dr. Pamela Isley/Poison Ivy]] * [[w:Henry Polic II|Henry Polic II]] - [[w:Scarecrow (DC comics)|Dr. Jonathan Crane/The Scarecrow]] * [[w:Roddy McDowall|Roddy McDowall]] - [[w:Mad Hatter|Dr. Jervis Tetch/The Mad Hatter]] * [[w:Michael Ansara|Michael Ansara]] - [[w:Mr. Freeze|Dr. Victor Freeze/Mr. Freeze]] * [[David Warner (actor)|David Warner]] - [[w:Ra's al Ghul|Ra's al Ghul]] ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} {{Batman}} [[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated superhero TV shows]] [[Category:Animated Batman TV shows]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Animated television programs based on Detective Comics]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Fox Broadcasting Company animated television series]] [[Category:Television series by Warner Bros. Animation]] 1vlnygy2lgtqwhy7t43ffkedl6ujr4d 3778908 3778906 2025-07-14T22:33:14Z 81.151.41.137 /* Be A Clown [1.9] */ 3778908 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Batman-_The_Animated_Series_logo.svg|thumb|I am [[vengeance]]. I am the [[night]]. I am, '''[[Batman|BATMAN]]'''!]] {{italic title}} '''''[[W:Batman: The Animated Series|Batman: The Animated Series]]''''' is an American animated superhero television series based on the [[DC Comics]] superhero Batman. It was succeeded by ''[[The Adventures of Batman & Robin]]'' and ''[[The New Batman Adventures]]''; the first production in the [[w:DC Animated Universe|DC Animated Universe]]. ==Season 1== ===''On Leather Wings'' [1.1]=== :'''Batman''': ''[reading the paper]'' "Gotham Police Declare War on Batman"? :'''Alfred''': I gather you've been reading ''[[w:How to Win Friends and Influence People|How to Make Friends and Influence People]]''? :'''Batman''': Somebody's setting me up. :'''Alfred''': My heavens. You mean it ''wasn't'' you tossing guards out of windows last night? :'''Batman''': ''[amused]'' I only toss butlers, Alfred. <hr width='50%'/> :'''[[w:Rene Auberjonois|Dr. March]]''': You donate a few million, and you think you own the place. I understand I'm to analyse something for you? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Yeah, doc. See, I keep hearing squeaks in my chimney, and I found these in my empty fireplace. They look like hairs. I thought maybe you could tell me if I have a bat problem. :'''Dr. March''': And what if they are bats, Mr. Wayne? What then? Destroy them like insects? We won't survive the next evolutionary cataclysm, but bats will! They're survivors, Mr. Wayne, not pests! You should understand that! <hr width='50%'/> :'''Dr. Kirk Langstrom''': ''[enters laboratory upon hearing noises]'' Who's back there? ''[spots Batman]'' You...! :'''Batman''': I'm looking for Dr. March. :'''Langstrom''' He's not here, Batman. :'''Batman''': Where is he? :'''Langstrom''': Giving a lecture on human extinction and bat evolution. He's really quite brilliant. :'''Batman''': He's misguided, and a thief. ''[holds up a vial of the serum]'' :'''Langstrom''': He's just a theorist, he was afraid to put it to the test. But I wasn't. I knew he'd discovered a formula to create a totally new species, neither man nor bat. And once I started taking it, I couldn't stop. I desperately wanted to, but... ''it'' took over. Francine and March tried to protect me, but it was too late. The beast knew what chemicals were needed to bring itself about! It was out of my control! And it only needs one more component to complete the process! ''[voice lowering]'' It's in ''ME'', Batman! ''[laughs maniacally and begins to change into Man-Bat]'' <hr width='50%'/> :'''Bullock''': Let's go! :'''Lieutenant''': I can’t do it, sir! :'''Bullock''': Whaddaya mean "you can’t do it"?! :'''Lieutenant''': I just got word not to let you up without the Commissioner! :'''Bullock''': Who told you that?! :'''Lieutenant''': The Commissioner! ''[points at Gordon as he arrives]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Get out, Detective! The Mayor may not let me fire you, but I am ''not'' taking the heat for your fiasco! :'''Bullock''': This is my case, Commissioner! You heard the Mayor! :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Then why don't you go take it up with him?! I've got a job to do! If you wanna tag along, fine! ''[gets into the helicopter]'' Take her up, Lieutenant! :'''Bullock''': ''[trying to clamber in as it takes off]'' Hey! Wait for me! ===''Christmas With The Joker'' [1.2]=== :''[the Arkham Asylum inmates practice signing Jingle Bells as other inmates set up a giant Christmas tree]'' :'''Joker''': Jingle bells! Batman smells! Robin laid an egg! ''[gets a tree-topper and climbs to install it]'' The Batmobile lost a wheel and the Jo-ker got a-wa-a-a-ay! ''[attaches the ornament and the Christmas Tree ignites, revealed as a rocket. Joker clambers at it launches]'' Crashing through the roof! In a one-horse-open tree! Busting out I go! Laughing all the WHEEEEE! ''[the "rocket-tree" flies off into the distance as he sings]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the Christmas with the Joker show]'' :'''Joker''': Rumor has it, Christmas is a time to share with family. :'''Laugh track''': Yea! :'''Joker''': And since I don't have one of my own... :'''Laugh track''': Aww... :'''Joker''': I decided to STEAL one! :'''Laugh track''': Yea! :'''Joker''': And here they are: The Awful Lawful Family! ''[lights turn on and reveal Gordon, Summer, and Bullock tied up and gagged]'' Aren't they just the cutest family you've ever seen? :'''Batman''': ''[watching in the Batmobile]'' It's never easy with the Joker. :'''Joker''': Meet Daddy Lawful! ''[ungags Gordon]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': You diseased maniac! I'll- ''[Joker gags him again]'' :'''Joker''': Hmm. Looks like I'll have to teach Daddy some manners. And here's Mommy Lawful! ''[ungags Summer]'' :'''Summer Gleason''': Help! Somebody please help us- ''[Joker gags her again]'' :'''Joker''': Ho ho ho, isn't she jolly? And here we have little Baby Lawful! Coochie coochie coo! ''[ungags Bullock]'' :'''Detective Bullock''': When I get my hands on you, I'll rip your- ''[Joker gags him again]'' :'''Joker''': I'll bet Batman wishes he had a family just like mine. Personally I think relatives are a bore, so Batman can have them... ''[points to clock showing 10:30PM] if'' he can find them by midnight! Otherwise... ''[makes a throat-slashing motion and laughs]'' ===''Nothing To Fear'' [1.3]=== :''[Bruce is introduced to Dr. Long and he offers a handshake]'' :'''Dr. Long''': ''[looks at hand and pouts off]'' Your father and I attended university together. He had big plans for you. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Well, I guess he'd be pleased. Wayne Industries is more prosperous than ever. :'''Dr. Long''': Pleased? When your father was alive, Wayne was a name that commanded great respect. Now all Wayne stands for is a self-centered jet-setting playboy. It's lucky your father didn't live to see what you've done to his good name. He'd have died of shame. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Scarecrow sprays a security guard with gas]'' :'''Guard''': Stop! What the-- No! No, spiders! Get them offa me! No! NO! ''[cowers in fear]'' :'''Anthony''': What did you do to him, boss? :'''[[w:Scarecrow (DC Comics)|Scarecrow]]''': I merely helped him visualize his innermost terror, which is obviously [[w:arachnophobia|arachnophobia]]. :'''Nigel''': A-whack-a-what? :'''Scarecrow''': Arachnophobia! Fear of spiders, you dimwitted dropout! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': It seems I have underestimated the Batman, but at least the University is finished. :'''Anthony''': Gee, boss, I never liked school, but, uh, how come you hate the university so much? :'''Scarecrow''': They tried to destroy me. :'''Nigel''': You mean they kicked you out 'cause you weren't smart enough? :'''Scarecrow''': No, you simpleton! ''[pinches Nigel's broken nose]'' :'''Nigel''': Ow! :'''Scarecrow''': I taught there. I was a professor of psychology, specializing in phobias. Inducing terror has always intrigued me. Even as a boy, I loved to frighten things. People, animals, it was all the same. I became obsessed with fear's crippling power. Later, when I became their leading Professor of Subliminal Psychology at the University, I began performing experiments on fear and its subsequent effects. Dr. Long thought I went too far - he called me a lunatic. So now, they will learn the true nature of horror! :'''Anthony''': ''[to Nigel]'' Wow, he's a real professor. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman has been exposed to Scarecrow's fear toxin]'' :'''Thomas Wayne''': Bruce... :'''Batman''': No... not now... :'''Thomas Wayne''': You are a disgrace! ''[turns into the [[w:Grim Reaper|Grim Reaper]]]'' :'''Batman''': No... You are NOT my father. I am NOT a disgrace! I am vengeance, I am the night. I...AM...'''BATMAN!''' ===''The Last Laugh'' [1.4]=== :'''Summer Gleeson''': I'm here in Downtown Gotham where corporate CEOs have gone stark, raving mad. It would appear that the collapse of the stock market is now imminent. The question is: Will [[April Fools' Day]] mark the end of Gotham City as we know it? :'''Joker''': The only things gaining now are the laughing stocks! ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[After trapping Batman in a sealed garbage can]'' :'''Joker''': I just love these new Ziploc seals! We wouldn't want our little caged rodent to suffocate, so we'll just ''[draws a knife]'' PUNCH SOME AIRHOLES! ''[laughing, he stabs holes in the can, with Batman being forced to dodge each one]'' Okay, Captain! Give 'er the old heave-ho! ''[Captain Clown salutes and throws the can into the river, where it starts to flood and sink]'' Oops! Looks like our airholes are waterholes too! ''[smirking at the viewer]'' What a shame! ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Justice is served hot, Batman! You're going to melt just like a grilled-cheese sandwich! :''[The Joker tries to send Batman falling into the furnace with a cascade of garbage, but Batman escapes and swings to safety on his grappling hook]'' :'''Batman''': Justice ''will'' be served, Joker. :'''Joker''': Service with a SMILE?! ''[tosses a razor card at Batman, who dodges it just in time]'' :'''Batman''': Clean up your act, Joker. :'''Joker''': Oh, that's a joke, right? Batman finally told a joke! ''[laughing, the Joker draws another card and flings it, but Batman catches it with a smirk. With a gasp of shock, the Joker tries to flee, but gets his food caught on a cable and he ends up dangling over the furnace]'' BATMAN! YOU WOULDN'T LET ME FRY, WOULD YOU?! ''[Batman leans on the railing, pretending to consider it] '''BATMAN!''' [Batman pulls him up]'' ===''Pretty Poison'' [1.5]=== :'''Dent''': So, what do you think? :'''Bruce''': Does she have a sister? :'''Dent''': Nope. Pam's one of a kind. That's why I asked her to marry me. :'''Bruce''': ''[spits out his water upon hearing this]'' WHAT?! :'''Dent''': Yup, that's the page one headline. Hey... is it starting to get warm? :'''Bruce''': You're still flushed from that last kiss. Harvey, you just met her last week! :'''Dent''': And I already know she's the one. Gosh, it's hot in here... :'''Bruce''': Marriage is a major step, Harvs. Don't you think you're rushing it? :'''Dent''': No way. The moment I laid eyes on Pam, her love hit me right in the face. ''[falls right into the food he ordered]'' :'''Bruce''': ''[laughs]'' Harvey, you've lost your mind. Knock it off. ''[sees him unresponsive]'' Harv? Harvey! ''[Later sees Harvey carried into an ambulance and climbs inside]'' Hang on, Harvey. Hang on. <hr width=50%"/> :'''Bullock''': So what'd you put in this mousse?! :'''Chef''': Chocolate, sugar, eggs, cream... :'''Bullock''': STRYCHNINE?! :'''Chef''': No, no, no strychnine. But I added just a pinch of vanilla. :'''Bullock''': ''[turns to a waiter, frustrated]'' You know who did it?! TALK! :'''Waiter''': Hey, I just clean the dishes, okay? <hr width=50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[chuckles]'' Batman! A late night rendezvous? To what do I owe the honor? :'''Batman''': ''[struggling against Ivy's giant flytrap]'' Harvey Dent! :'''Poison Ivy''': Oh, the poor district attorney. I hear he's not expected to live. Oh, it's so sad... ''[feigns crying, which quickly turns to insane laughter]'' :'''Batman''': Why, Isley? :'''Poison Ivy''': Oh, please, call me Poison Ivy. You see, Harvey had to pay for his crime. :'''Batman''': What crime? :'''Poison Ivy''': Why, murder, of course! Plowing up a field of beautiful wildflowers for that silly penitentiary of his. This little rose would be extinct today if I hadn't saved my precious from those horrible bulldozers! The blood of those flowers are on his hands! ''[calms down after her tantrum]'' So his fate was sealed ''[applies lipstick]'' ...with a kiss. And now, so is yours. ''[Ivy's plant holds Batman still as she kisses him; he tries to spit away the poison]'' Oh, what's wrong? Afraid I have cooties? ''[laughs]'' Oh, now you've gone and hurt my feelings. Too bad. I was going to share the antidote with you. ''[opens a bottle and waves it under his nose]'' Lovely fragrance, don't you think? ''[applies a drop to her face]'' I call it "Rose From the Dead". <hr width=50%"/> :''[In a cell in Arkham]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': They can bury me in the ground, as deep as they like. But I'll grow back. ''[to her rose]'' We ''always'' grow back. Don't we, baby? ===''The Underdwellers'' [1.6]=== :'''Sewer King''': Lesson number one is: NOOOOO TAAAALKING! Children are to be seen and not heard. We are the Underdwellers. We are the silent ones. We follow the invisible creed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sewer King''': Frog! The rolls, if you please. :''[Another boy nervously steps over with them; the Sewer King grabs his wrist angrily]'' :'''Sewer King''': You're not Frog! Where is he?! He's not here! ''[smacks the bowl of rolls away]'' NOT HERE! And after all I've done for you ungrateful little monsters! I took you in when nobody else would have you! It is I who care for you! I who provide for you! And only I WHO KNOWS WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU! Would you rather I sent you back into the light? Back to those who hurt you, and sent you away? :''[The children tearfully shake their heads; the Sewer King pushes the dinner table over with a loud crash]'' :'''Sewer King''': THERE WILL BE NOTHING TO EAT UNTIL FROG IS FOUND! NOW OUT WITH YOU! ''OUT WITH YOU!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I don't know what kind of barbarian did this to you, but it's over. And from now on, you'll be treated like human beings. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sewer King''': ''[clapping]'' Bravo. Bravo. You've caused me great distress, you evil bat, yes, yes, yes, you have! You've hurt my pretty pets, and you've frightened my beloved children! :'''Batman''': ''[incredulous and disgusted]'' "Beloved children"?! :'''Sewer King''': Yes! I feed them, I clothe them, I discipline them, and I teach them a trade! And now, I will teach ''you'' something! :''[He stamps on Batman's hands, but Batman swings under the pipe and kicks him from behind, causing him to fall off]'' :'''Batman''': Grab my hand! :'''Sewer King''': ''NEVER!'' :''[He falls into the water, where the alligators close in and seemingly devour him]'' :'''Batman''': A gruesome fate for a gruesome man. :''[He hears the Sewer King laughing, and sees him with the alligators, unharmed]'' :'''Sewer King''': I rather enjoyed it! I told you, they're my pretties! ''[pets one, laughing]'' Have a nice swim! :''[Batman swings over to chase him, narrowly missing the alligators' jaws]'' :'''Batman''': Later. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman pulls the Sewer King out of the way of an oncoming train]'' :'''Sewer King''': Why? Why?! ''Why?!'' :'''Batman''': ''[seething with anger]'' I don't pass sentence. That's for the courts. But this time - ''this time'' - I am ''sorely tempted'' to do the job myself! ===''P.O.V.'' [1.7]=== :''[after Batman grapples up a crane with Officer Montoya to safety]'' :'''Batman''': Are you alright? :''[Machine gun bullets hit around Batman and Officer Montoya, causing both of them to duck]'' :'''Officer Montoya''': Dandy. :'''Batman''': Then don't go away. :'''Officer Montoya''': ''[Batman leaves as more machine gun bullets hit. Montoya stays down]'' Count on it. <hr width="50%"/> :''[after Commissioner Gordon congratulates Officer Montoya for foiling the dock heist with Batman's aid]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': I have to hand it to you, Montoya. You and the Batman really turned this thing around. :'''Patrolman Wilkes''': Yeah, what a [[wikt:collar|collar]]! You didn't just bust 'em, you put the whole gang out of commission. ''[Lieutenant Hackle appears to accuse Montoya]'' :'''Lieutenant Hackle''': What collar? She's suspended! ''[Gordon angrily grabs Heckle]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': This [[wikt:farce|farce]] has gone far enough, Hackle! We apprehended the suspects and recovered our money. The investigation is closed! ''[He grabs three confiscated police badges out of Hackle's suit pocket and shoves him aside. He hands the badges to Officer Montoya]'' Officer Montoya earned this collar. :'''Officer Montoya''': The collar belongs to all three of us, Commissioner. It was a team effort. ''[Montoya accepts hers and hands Wilkes back his badge]'' :'''Patrolman Wilkes''': Gee... thanks, partner! :'''Detective Bullock''': ''[grumbling under his breath]'' Yeah, yeah... :'''Officer Montoya''': What was that, Bullock? ''[happily gives badge to Bullock]'' :'''Detective Bullock''': ''[reluctantly hesitates, accepts his badge]'' I said... Thanks a lot, Montoya. ===''The Forgotten'' [1.8]=== :'''Bruce''': What is this? :'''Smith''': If it's moving, it's a rat. If it isn't, it's a cooked rat. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': ''[Alfred flies the Batwing to the tracking device's location]'' This must be the place! Bring us down! :'''Batwing Computer''': Negative. :'''Alfred''': ''[pressing buttons madly]'' But Master Bruce is down there! We HAVE to land! :'''Computer''': Impossible. Area too confined. :'''Alfred''': ''[pounds the console]'' Land, you bucket of bolts! :'''Computer''': Your funeral. :'''Alfred''': Oh, dear...! ''[The Batwing flies down abruptly. Bruce, escaping the mine, sees the Batwing fly over]'' :'''Bruce''': ''[Smiles]'' Son of a gun! :''[The Batwing reaches a flat area near Bruce and lands. The cockpit opens.]'' :'''Computer''': Watch your step. :'''Alfred''': ''[tumbles out, dazed]'' [[w:Juan Rodriguez Cabrillo|I-I-I claim this land... for Spain]]. ''[collapses]'' ===''Be A Clown'' [1.9]=== :'''Jordan''': How can I get to be a great magician like you, Jekko? :'''"Jekko"''': Well, there are three steps! Step one: run away. Step two: find a magician with a great act. And step three: ''steal it.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Summer Gleason''': ''[reporting on TV]'' Denying reports of a bomb blast at his son's birthday party, Mayor Hill insists the explosion was caused by faulty electrical wiring. :'''"Jekko"''': Yeah! RIGHT! ''[laughs]'' :'''Summer Gleason''': The Mayor declined, however, to confirm that his son Jordan was missing. :'''"Jekko"''': Missing? :'''Jordan''': ''[coming into view]'' It's me, Jekko. I ran away. :'''"Jekko"''': You did '''WHAT?!?''' :'''Jordan''': I want to be a magician, like you. :'''"Jekko"''': Why, you... ''[laughs]'' Well, kid, you got step one right! Come on in. I've been thinking about a protégé. <hr width="50%"/> :'''"Jekko"''': ''[sees Batman approaching on a monitor]'' Well, if it ain't the Caped Coconut... :'''Jordan''': My dad says Batman's no good. :'''"Jekko"''': Well, then I guess your dad's not a ''total'' idiot! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman is trapped inside a tank filled with water, complete with a straitjacket and leg restraints]'' :'''"Jekko"''': For your viewing pleasure, we present... the infamous water tank trap! The great [[w:Harry Houdini|Houdini]] survived such a test. Dare we demand less of the Batman?! :'''Jordan''': I don't like this, Jekko... :'''"Jekko"''': Quiet, kid, it's a free ticket. :''[Batman manages to free the sleeves of the jacket]'' :'''Jordan''': ''[clapping]'' He did it! He got free! :'''"Jekko"''': They don't make straitjackets like they used to. ''[grinning]'' I should know... :''[Batman wriggles out of the jacket and undoes the leg restraints, but struggles to break the glass]'' :'''Jordan''': He can't get out! What's the trick? :'''"Jekko"''': That's just it! THERE IS NO TRICK! :'''Jordan''': No! He'll drown! :''[Jordan grabs an axe and strikes the side of the tank to try and free Batman, but "Jekko" takes the axe away]'' :'''"Jekko"/Joker''': That's why they call it a finale! ''[throws down the axe and discards his Jekko the Clown mask]'' Now sit down and enjoy the show! ===''Two-Face Part 1'' [1.10]=== :''[Dent's raid on Thorne has been aborted by the judge due to supposed lack of reliable evidence]'' :'''Dent''': No! NO! '''I SPENT ''THREE MONTHS'' ON THAT RAID!''' He can't overturn! The fool! HE'S ''BEEN BOUGHT! LIKE ALL THE REST!'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[tries to restrain him]'' Harvey, please try to calm down. This sort of behavior doesn't run well with the voters- :'''Dent''': ''LET GO OF ME, YOU RICH TWIT!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dent''': Stealing someone's psychiatric file is pretty low, Thorne! Even for a swine like you! :'''[[w:John Vernon|Rupert Thorne]]''': But it makes for such fascinating reading. Listen to this, boys. Says here that when Harvey was a little boy, he was bothered by a bully. Every day the bully would bug him after school, until one day little Harvey got so mad, he slugged him one. :'''Thorne's Thugs''': Oooh! :'''Rupert Thorne''': Of course, the bully ran away, which made little Harvey very proud. Until he heard that the bully was in the hospital. :'''Candace''': That was some punch. :'''Rupert Thorne''': ''[chuckles]'' That's what Harvey thought. Except the guy was in the hospital for appendicitis! ''[chuckles again]'' But poor Harvey felt so guilty, he never showed his anger again. And that was the start of "Big Bad Harv". :'''Dent''': What do you want? :'''Rupert Thorne''': Just a few favors from the D.A.'s office. :'''Dent''': You're dreaming. :'''Rupert Thorne''': Otherwise, as a concerned citizen, I'd be compelled to give this to the press. After all, the people of Gotham have a right to know the kind of person... or should I say "persons", they've elected. So, what do you say, Harvey? Do we have a deal? :''[Harvey's face has contorted in building rage the entire time, but suddenly relaxes into deceptive docility]'' :'''Dent''': There's just one problem. :'''Rupert Thorne''': What's that? :'''Dent''': ''[in Big Bad Harv's voice]'' '''''You're talking to the wrong Harvey.''''' ===''Two-Face Part 2'' [1.11]=== :''[In a nightmare, Harvey is being chased by a dark shadow. He suddenly realizes he is standing on a collapsing wooden bridge]'' :'''Harvey Dent''': Stay back! ''[the shadow reveals itself to be Batman, pleading for Harvey's help]'' :'''Batman''': Harvey, please, let me help you! :'''Harvey Dent''': You?! You saw what was happening! You knew that something was terribly wrong with me! I thought you were my friend! You should have been able to help me--but you didn't! ''[Harvey covers his face with his two hands, now transformed into Two-Face]'' :'''Two-Face''': ''NOW LOOK AT ME!!'' :'''Batman''': But I tried, Harvey. I... ''[the bridge pulls itself apart, causing Two-Face to fall off]'' Harvey! :'''Two-Face''': ''[Plummets into an abyss of glowing red light] WHY COULDN'T YOU SAVE ME...?!!'' :''[Batman looks down the edge and gasps with horrified shock. He instead sees his late parents Thomas and Martha Wayne underneath a single lamppost. They both raise their heads in sadness]'' :'''Thomas Wayne''': Why couldn't you save us, son? :''[Bruce wakes up, sweating with fear. He then turns to a photo of Two-Face from a newspaper]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': So what are you dreaming tonight, Harvey? Peaceful dreams? Nightmares? Maybe both at once. Sleep well, my friend. Whether you are, whatever you've become... I ''will'' save you. I swear. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Two-Face''': This is my world now. A dichotomy of order and chaos - just like me. :'''Grace''': Harvey, what's happened to your mind, your feelings? You used to listen to your feelings. :'''Two-Face''': ''[flipping his coin]'' This is what I listen to now. ''Chance,'' Grace. Chance is everything. Whether you're born or not, whether you live or die, whether you're good or bad... it's all arbitrary. :'''Grace''': That's nonsense, Harvey. Was it chance that made you District Attorney? Was it chance that made you fall in love with me? Take control of your life, Harvey. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Two-Face grabs a tommy gun and aims at a defenceless Thorne]'' :'''Rupert Thorne''': No! Two-Face, don't! ''[to Batman]'' You can't let him! :'''Grace''': Harvey! What are you doing?! :'''Two-Face''': Taking control of my life. :'''Batman''': Let the law handle it. :'''Two-Face''': "The law"?! ''[takes out his coin]'' Here's the only law! The law of averages! The great equalizer! :''[Two-Face flips the coin, but Batman throws out a crate of other coins, and Two-Face's is lost among them as they spill out]'' :'''Two-Face''': ''[horrified and panicked]'' NO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! ''[searches through them frantically]'' My coin! Where is it?! I can't decide without...! Oh no, it's ''gotta'' be here, it's ''gotta! [shrieks with anguish]'' '''''I HAVE TO HAVE IT!!!''''' :''[He continues to scream, swiping the coins aside before collapsing in tears; Grace gently comforts him]'' :'''Grace''': It's all right now, Harvey. I'm here. ===''It's Never Too Late'' [1.12]=== :'''Father Michael Stromwell''': Arnold? That's one soul I wish I could give up on. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arnold Stromwell''': I don't need your help! :'''Michael Stromwell''': Is that a fact? An empire crumbling? A marriage shattered? A son lost? Sure, you're doing fine. ===''I've Got Batman In My Basement'' [1.13]=== :''[after Penguin's goons successfully steal a [[w:Fabergé egg|Fabergé egg]] on a tall building]'' :'''Goon 1''': ''[chuckles]'' A piece of cake, just like the boss said. :'''Goon 2''': Yeah, all it took was five minutes. ''[Batman makes his surprise appearance to the goons]'' :'''Batman''': And that'll get you five ''years''... ''[pause]'' with good behavior. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Be-fowled by a couple of fledgelings! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Grant''': Sherman, what are you doing down there? :'''Sherman''': Nothing, Mom! :'''Mrs. Grant''': You're not trying to make gunpowder again, are you? :'''Sherman''': No, Mom! Honest! :'''Roberta''': We just saved Batman's life, Mrs. Grant, and now we're hiding him from some bad criminals. :'''Mrs. Grant''': That's good, just don't make a mess. ''[leaves]'' :'''Sherman''': Nice going, Miss Big Mouth. :'''Roberta''': ''[shrugging]'' Sorry, Sherman, I guess I panicked. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Gentlemen - and I use the term loosely - after you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Eurgh, how bourgeois. Tearing this place apart could only improve it! Let the egg hunt begin! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Grant''': Young man, you've got some serious explaining to do! ''[sees Batman and the defeated Penguin and gasps]'' :'''Sherman''': Err, Mom, I'd like you to meet Batman. Batman, this is my mom. :'''Batman''': Ma'am. :'''Mrs. Grant''': Oh, hello... :'''Sherman''': Say, Batman, you wouldn't be single, would you? ===''[[w:Heart of Ice (Batman: The Animated Series)|Heart of Ice]]'' [1.14]=== :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[gazes at the ballerina snow globe]'' This is how I'll always remember you. Surrounded by [[winter]] forever young, forever beautiful. Rest well, my love. The monster who took you from me will soon learn that [[revenge]] is a dish... ''[opens his eyes through his red goggles]'' best served '''cold'''. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman infiltrates an office in GothCorp headquarters and sees a classified file with a videotape and medical records of a woman named Nora Fries. He plays the tape on a nearby VCR]'' :'''Victor Fries''': ''[on the tape]'' My name is Doctor Victor Fries. I am recording what I pray would be mankind's first step toward immortality. ''[camera pans to a large machine with a glass capsule and a woman inside it]'' Behind me, you see the CC-100, a cryogenic freezing chamber of my own design. I created it for the express purpose of freezing subjects stricken with inoperable ailments. Subjects like... my own beloved wife, Nora. Once a remedy has been found-- ''[reacts to a loud banging on the door]'' :'''Ferris Boyle''': ''[Behind the door]'' Open this door! Open it now! ''[A security guard kicks the door down, Ferris and another guard step into the room. Boyle confronts Fries angrily.]'' Get away from that equipment! ''[Orders his guards]'' Shut this stuff down. :'''Fries''': ''[Panicked]'' Stop! This is my experiment! :'''Boyle''': Your ''unauthorized'' experiment. I ordered funding suspended weeks ago! I'm already three million in debt thanks to you! :'''Fries''': You can't stop it now! My wife is in there! :'''Boyle''': So bring her out! :'''Fries''': You can't interrupt the process now! :'''Boyle''': ''[unmoved; to guard]'' Open it. :'''Fries''': ''[desperately holds on to Boyle]'' It's her only chance! :'''Boyle''': ''[shrugs off Fries]'' This is MY equipment! ''MINE!'' I have every legal right to use it or not use it as I see fit. I say this project ends ''now!'' :'''Fries''': ''[grabs pistol from security guard and aims it at Ferris]'' '''NO!''' Stay away from her, murderer! :'''Boyle''': ''[tries to act charming to Fries]'' Victor... I'm sorry... I lost my temper. It doesn't have to come to this. We can talk! ''[Fries calms down and Boyle kicks him into a table of cryonic chemicals. Victor screams in pain as the cloud of volatile chemicals engulf him. Boyle steps away in fear and runs out of the room with his guards]'' Get out. Get out! :'''Fries''': ''[Clinging to his freezing chamber, screaming through the glass] Nora! NORA...! [passes out. The tape ends]'' :'''Batman''': ''[Horrified]'' My God! :''[A voice rings out--it's Mr. Freeze, who just snuck in the room]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': Yes. It would move me to tears, if I still had tears to shed. ''[freezes Batman with his cryo-gun]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mr. Freeze raids the award ceremony and confronts Ferris Boyle, who is receiving a humanitarian award]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': The cold eyes of vengeance are upon you, Boyle. :'''Ferris Boyle''': Who...who ''are'' you?! :'''Mr. Freeze''': Come, now. Surely you remember your old colleague... Victor Fries? :''[Mr. Freeze aims and fires his freezing gun at Boyle's feet, ice slowly covering up his legs to his waist]'' :'''Boyle''': ''[cries in pain]'' NO! No...! Stop... please... I... b-beg you! ''[Mr. Freeze stops his freezing gun for a moment of clarity]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': You... ''beg?'' In my nightmares I see my Nora behind the glass, begging to me with frozen eyes. How I've longed to see that look frozen on you. :''[Batman batarangs Mr Freeze's cryo-gun and attacks him. Mr Freeze overpowers Batman and throws him off]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': The advanced circuitry that powers my suit also triples my strength! ''[engages Batman, and lifts him off the ground]'' Sooner or later, all who stand in my way must feel the icy touch of death! :''[Mr. Freeze is about to kill Batman, but collapses when Batman smashes his glass helmet with a thermos full of chicken soup given to him by Alfred earlier]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': ''[walks next to Batman]'' Ooh...! What was that stuff? :'''Batman''': The only way to fight a cold. :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[as his suit falters]'' It can't end this way... vengeance...! :'''Batman''': No, ''justice''. A year ago, Ferris Boyle interrupted an experiment, and in the process destroyed two lives. ''[gives Summer Gleeson the tape he found]'' Here's the evidence. ''[walks to a still shivering Boyle; he sneers at Boyle with disgust]'' Good night, humanitarian! ''[walks off]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mr. Freeze is in his subzero cell in Arkham Asylum, gazing into his ballerina snow globe]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': I failed you. I wish there were another way for me to say it... but I cannot. ''[Tears silently slide down his face]'' I can only beg your [[forgiveness]] and pray you hear me somehow, someplace. Someplace... where a warm hand waits for mine. ===''The Cat And The Claw Part 1'' [1.15]=== :'''Stern''': Now if you'll excuse me, I've given you all the time I can spare. :'''Selina Kyle''': You'll find more time for me, Mr. Stern. Before I'm through, I'll have every environmental group and animal rights activist breathing down your neck. They'll be looking at you and your project so closely, you'll feel like a bug in a bell-jar. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You're late. :'''Mob Boss''': Can't you walk up to someone normal-like? :'''Batman''': I hear you have some information. :'''Mob Boss''': Under one condition: Lay off the South Side. :'''Batman''': Keep this up, and I'll be on you from all sides. North, south, east, and west. ===''The Cat And The Claw Part 2'' [1.16]=== :'''Batman''': Red Claw? A woman? :'''[[W:Red_Claw|Red Claw]]''': Do you have a problem with that, Batman? :'''Batman''': Not at all. I'm an equal opportunity crime fighter! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I didn't want you taken away like a common criminal. :'''Catwoman''': So you do care. :'''Batman''': ''[handcuffing her]'' More than you'll ever know. ===''See No Evil'' [1.17]=== :'''Lloyd Ventrix''': See you 'round, Batman! Too bad you can't say the same! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Ventrix, the suit! It's poison! :'''Ventrix''': So what if it is?! I don't care! As long as I have it, I can take my daughter back whenever I want! Her mother won't stop me, AND NEITHER WILL YOU! ===''Beware The Gray Ghost'' [1.18]=== :''[At a video shop, Bruce Wayne asks for Gray Ghost films]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': I'd like the ''Gray Ghost''. :'''Store Clerk''': ''[smirks and walks away]'' Hmm. Name something else. :'''Wayne''': You said you had everything. :'''Store Clerk''': Except the ''Gray Ghost''! Nobody has it! The studio that made the show, Spectra? It burned down 20 years ago. The negatives all went up like kindling, real shame. :'''Wayne''': So the ''Gray Ghost'' doesn't exist? :'''Clerk''': Not anymore. Sorry, pal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Simon Trent''': ''[Hands Batman a film reel with the key the mystery]'' Here's your answer, take it and go! :'''Batman''': I used to admire what the Gray Ghost stood for... :'''Simon Trent''': I'm not the Gray Ghost! :'''Batman''': ''[coldly]'' I can see that now. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the launch of the Gray Ghost videos]'' :'''Bruce''': Could you make this out to 'Bruce'? :'''Gray Ghost''': ''[signing autograph]'' Here you are, Bruce. :'''Bruce''': Thanks. As a kid, I used to watch you with my father. The Gray Ghost was my hero. :'''Gray Ghost''': ''[realizing]'' Really... :'''Bruce''': ''[smiling]'' And he still is. ===''Prophecy Of Doom'' [1.19]=== :'''Nostromos''': I predict... you and I are about to become rich as pigs! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lucas''': No one could've predicted Batman would spot me. Not even the great Nostromos. Besides, how do you know Wayne survived? :'''Nostromos''': The news said he got off the elevator right before it fell, you pathetic amateur! :'''Lucas''': Well, you didn't predict he would ''die'', exactly... ===''Feat Of Clay Part 1'' [1.20]=== :''[About Matt Hagen's repeated use of "Renuyu" to restore his disfigured face]'' :'''Teddy Lupus''': You can't go on like this, Matt. You hurt all the time now. :'''[[w:Clayface|Matt Hagen]]''': ''[irritated]'' You're just my stand-in, Lupus. Nobody promoted you to nursemaid! :'''Lupus''': That stuff makes your face like putty, Matt; it can't be good for ya. :'''Hagen''': It probably ain't good for me. But unless I only want to do ''horror'' pictures, it ain't bad for me either. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Listen up, scumwad, 'cause I'm only gonna ask you once. Who was Lucius Fox meeting at the tram? :'''Raymond Bell''': Wayne... Bruce Wayne! :'''Batman''': You lying sleaze! You wanna rethink that answer? ===''Feat Of Clay Part 2'' [1.21]=== :'''Clayface''': ''[testing his new shapeshifting powers]'' The formula must have soaked every cell in my body. :'''Teddy Lupus''': It's.... It's some kind of miracle! ''[sees Matt change back into Clayface]'' Wha... What are you doing? :'''Clayface''': No. No! You broke my concentration! It won't work, don't you see?! It's too hard! It's like tensing a muscle - I can't keep it up for long! MY CAREER, MY ''LIFE'' - IT ''IS'' GONE! AND I CAN NEVER GET IT BACK! ''[In his rage, Clayface destroys several things in the trailer]'' I'm not an actor anymore! I'm not even... a ''man''! ''[Sobs softly]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Clayface''': Not even the Batman could stop me, Teddy. And that means ''Daggett'' won't have a prayer. :'''Teddy''': Matt, please, you don't wanna do anything crazy. Why don't you try to get some shuteye? :'''Clayface''': ''[growls]'' DON'T YOU DARE PATRONIZE ME!!! I told you I don't need rest! I don't need food! AND I DON'T NEED YOU!!!! ''[grabs Teddy and throws him to a bookcase then walks out the door]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Roland Daggett is at a talk show talking about Renuyu facial cream and the host entertains audience questions]'' :'''Woman''': I'd like to ask Mr. Daggett about the rumors I've heard. I hear he's selling Renuyu through direct marketing because stores won't carry it due to its harmful side effects. :'''[[w:Roland Daggett|Roland Daggett]]''': Well that's, uh, absolutely untrue- :'''Woman''': ''[stands up and approaches him]'' What about the addictive properties of Renuyu, Mr. Daggett? Once you're hooked, you can't stop using it without horrible...''pain''! :'''Daggett''': No! I mean... That's just not so! :'''Woman''': Why don't you show them what an ''overdose'' can do, Daggett?! Why don't you tell them ''[voices goes deeper]'' about ME?! ''[transforms into Clayface]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Batman tricks Clayface into confronting him in a recording room, where he turns multiple screens showing headshots of Clayface's past roles]'' :'''Clayface''': What are you doing?! Stop it! :'''Batman''': Look at them, Hagan. Look at what you used to be. :'''Clayface''': No, no! Turn them off! :'''Batman''': You can play those roles again, Hagan. Let me help you find a cure. :'''Clayface''': ''[begins to shapeshift into his past roles]'' No! Hagan's gone! Make him stop haunting me! ''[begins to uncontrollably shapeshift into his past roles]'' Stop it! Turn them off! I can't control it! I can't be all of them! Not all at once! :''[Batman tries to turn on some more screens, but Clayface knocks him out of the way and smashes the control panels; Clayface yanks off one of the screens and throws it at Batman, who dodges; the screen hits the big screen, causing an explosion; the police arrive to see Clayface in his shapeshifting seizure as he shifts his face into Bruce Wayne]'' :'''Officer''': Mother of mercy! It looks just like Bruce Wayne! :''[Clayface punches through two screens, electrocuting him and reverting back into his true form and he topples over; Batman walks up to Clayface]'' :'''Clayface''': ''[morphs into Matt Hagan]'' You know what I'd have given for a death scene like this? ''[morphs into his scarred form]'' Too bad I won't get to... read the notices. ''[faints and reverts back to his true form.]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Lucius Fox''': I'm just glad to know it wasn't really Bruce Wayne who attacked me. :'''Summer Gleeson''': Thank you, Mr. Fox. All charges against Wayne have, of course, been dropped. And Roland Daggett remains in custody. :''[as Alfred turns off the TV, Batman is experimenting with a piece of Clayface's clay]'' :'''Alfred''': My word, sir. I should think after all this, it would time to rest. :'''Batman''': Look. A piece of clay left behind when they took Hagan's body away. Watch. ''[zaps the clay with electricity, causing it to morph into multiple shapes]'' :'''Alfred''': Electricity has no effect on it? :'''Batman''': Exactly. ''[scene changes to a morgue where a doctor uncovers Clayface's body; voice-over]'' I wouldn't be surprised if the body they took to the morgue was only a shell ''[Clayface's body cracks and crumbles into little pieces]'' Don't forget, first and foremost, Hagan was an actor. ''[scene changes to Teddy outside the hospital]'' He said it himself, Alfred. He called it a scene. Maybe the greatest scene in his career. :'''Teddy''': ''[sadly]'' See you 'round, Matt. ''[walks away]'' :'''Batman''': A death scene so real... it fooled us all. :''[a woman laughs maniacally as her voice grows deeper and her eyes turn yellow, revealing her to be a disguised Clayface]'' ===''Joker's Favor'' [1.22]=== :'''[[w:Joker (comics)|Joker]]''': ''[tosses two pennies on the ground]'' There's your two cents. Now, what are you going to do to me? :'''Charlie''': Listen.... I... O'm sorry, really! I.... I had a bad day. Boss turned down my raise, and... :'''Joker''': Now look, my rude friend! We can't have people cursing at each other on the freeway. It's simply ''not polite''! ''[jumps down and grabs him]'' I'm just going to have to teach you some manners. ''[reaches into his coat]'' :'''Charlie''': Please don't! I have a family, a wife, a little boy! Please! I'll do anything to make it up! Anything! :'''Joker''': Anything, says you? ''[Charlie nods; Joker releases him]'' Okee-dokee! Wallet. :'''Charlie''': Uh, okay. I don't have much cash. :'''Joker''': Oh, please! Don't insult me! ''[takes out driver's license]'' Charles Michael Collins. That's you! Tsk tsk, lousy picture, though. Lousy! Address, height, weight, blah blah blah. ''[tosses the wallet back and keeps the license]'' Righty-o, Chuckers! Here's the deal. I'll let you off if you promise to do a little favor for me. :'''Charlie''': Okay. What? :'''Joker''': ''I DON'T KNOW! I HAVEN'T THOUGHT OF IT YET!'' You just toddle on back to your mundane, meaningless little life, and when I need you, I'll call. Fair? Good? Great! I'll be in touch. ''[walks away, laughing maniacally]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Charlie''': Hello? :'''Joker''': Hello, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': Wrong number, pal. My name is Don. :'''Joker''': Oh, no, no, no. This IS the right number, Charles Michael Collins. Oh, I don't know why you changed your name to Don Wallace and moved your family to 12 Marigold Lane, Springdale, Ohio. One might think you were trying to skip out on our little deal. ''[to Harley Quinn]'' Leave the sideburns. :'''Charlie''': Uh... how did you find me? :'''Joker''': Oh, I never lost you, Chaz. You've become my... HOBBY!! ''[laughs maniacally]'' Now, listen up, Charlie Brown. You're booked on the next flight to Gotham. Tell the family you have to visit a sick friend. Oh, and let's keep this to ourselves, 'kay? Bad things happen to people who gossip, capisce, Carlo? ''[Charlie looks out the window to see Joker's henchmen pull up to his house]'' :'''Charlie''': Yeah... :'''Joker''': Good! See ya! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': You miserable little ''nobody!'' If I get caught, your wife and son are history! :'''Charlie''': You're not getting caught. Not this time. I found this blown out of the van. :''[He pulls one of the Joker's bombs from his jacket, and the Joker looks shocked and afraid]'' :'''Charlie''': This is how it ends, Joker. No big schemes, no grand fight to the finish with the Dark Knight. Tomorrow, all the papers will say is that the great Joker was found blown to bits in an alley, alongside a "miserable little nobody"! ''[chuckles]'' Kinda funny. Ironic, really. See? I can destroy a man's dreams too! And that's really the only dream you've got, isn't it?! :'''Joker''': ''[still scared]'' Look, Charlie, you've had a busy day! All this running around, all this excitement with... ''[yelling out desperately]'' '''''BATMAN!''''' Stop! You... you're crazy! :'''Charlie''': I had a good teacher! ''[chuckles]'' Say goodnight, Gracie! :'''Joker''': ''[terrified, trying to crawl away]'' NO! '''BATMAN! ''BATMAN!''''' ''[sees Batman in the shadows, and gasps with relief and annoyance]'' How long have you been there?! :'''Batman''': Long enough. Put it down, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': You know he'll just escape again! This is the only way my family stays safe! :'''Joker''': All right, you win! Take it easy! ''[surrenders his notebook to Batman]'' Here's everything on his blasted family - names, addresses, it's all there! You're no fun anymore, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': Hey, Joker! ''[throws the bomb at the Joker, who cowers behind Batman - only for the "bomb" to release harmless confetti]'' Gotcha! :''[Batman lets out a short laugh]'' :'''Joker''': ''[dryly]'' Oh, very funny. A million laughs. :'''Batman''': Go home, Mr. Collins. :'''Charlie''': Home. I never thought that could sound so good. I wonder what Bonnie's making for dinner. Right now, anything would taste great. Even meatloaf. ===''Vendetta'' [1.23]=== :'''Batman''': Here's how it works, slimeball. I have questions, and if you have answers, I'll leave you alone. :'''Rupert Thorne''': Oh, I have plenty of answers... thirty-eight caliber answers. Now then, you were saying? :'''Batman''': ''[Using Thorne as a shield]'' I was saying, you'd better hope your men are ''very'' good shots. It's too hot in here. Let's get some air. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Killer Croc''': Terrific. Just what I need now. The freak job in the cape. :'''Batman''': You're no prize yourself. :'''Killer Croc''': ''[strangling Batman]'' What can I tell you now? Being a reptile man ain't pretty... but it's got its upside. Like having the strength of a crocodile, for instance! But I guess you've learned that by now, huh? ''[forcing Batman into the water]'' The hard way. You know, they used to call "Killer Croc" the meanest dude in the Wrestling Federation. Now they'll call him the guy who iced the Batman! :'''Batman''': ''[flip-kicks Killer Croc really hard and gets out of the water]'' Don't hold your breath. ===''Fear Of Victory'' [1.24]=== :'''Mr. Lucky''': Lost? You have that bewildered look, but your sort always does. :'''Thug''': ''[grabs him threateningly]'' I ain't lost. I'm lookin' for you! I wanna know how come you always win, Mr. Lucky. :'''Mr. Lucky''': It's quite simple, actually. I fix the games. :'''Thug''': You can't fix ''all'' those sports. Nobody can! :'''Mr. Lucky''': Oh, ye of little brain, allow me to illustrate. ''[hands the thug an envelope laced in fear toxin]'' Here. You can read, can't you? :'''Thug''': ''[reads it]'' "Boo!" Hey, is this some kinda joke? :'''Mr. Lucky''': It's no joke, I assure you. It's the fear of victory, and the agony of... ''[the thug pulls Mr. Lucky out of the shadows, revealing his true identity]'' '''the Scarecrow!''' :''[The thug gasps in fear, now a victim of his toxin]'' :'''Scarecrow''': So now you understand Step One in how I fix an athletic contest. ''[Scarecrow comes closer to the thug, causing him to fall into some stacks of hay]'' I shall proceed to Step Two! ''[chuckles evilly]'' :'''Thug''': No! NO! GET AWAY! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': There's enough powder in that helmet to panic a pachyderm! He should be postering himself, crying for mercy! :'''Batman''': Change of luck, Scarecrow? :'''Scarecrow''': YOU! :'''Batman''': You're aware that gambling is illegal in Gotham? :'''Scarecrow''': I need the money, Batman! You know the cost of chemicals these days. And it will take much more than this to bring every pathetic person in Gotham to their knees, kissing my feet! ''[reveals a vial of his fear chemical and dangles it above the crowd]'' No closer, Batman! Unless you want a stampede of half-crazed humanity crushing and clawing each other! Now... what guarantee do I have you won't follow me? :'''Batman''': You have my word, Scarecrow. Just don't drop the vial. :'''Scarecrow''': Actually, Batman, I'd prefer a little insurance that you'll be otherwise occupied! ''[drops it]'' ===''The Clock King'' [1.25]=== :'''Fugate''': (after judgment has been passed) No! You can't! I'll be ruined! :'''Judge''': Then perhaps this will teach you to be on time for a change. :'''Batman''': What kind of a saboteur uses a six-thousand dollar Metronex to set a time bomb? :'''Alfred''': A saboteur with too much money? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman:''' Hold it! :'''Fugate:''' Well, well. The Batman. It's about time you showed up! I suppose you want to know why I've brought Downtown Gotham to a standstill, Batman. Hm? Well, let's just say it's because I'm a civic minded citizen with a lot of time on his hands. :'''Batman''': I want some answers, wise guy. Talk! :'''Fugate''': A pity. I don't know what to tell you, Batman - except perhaps that the 9:15 is always six minutes early. :''(He falls off the building and lands safely on the roof of an oncoming train as it speeds away)'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mayor Hill is tied to the hands of a huge clock]'' :'''Clock King''': Comfortable, Hill? Well you won't be for long! At 3:15 on the dot, those hands will come together and you'll be crushed like an insect. 3:15, Hill. Does that time hold any meaning for you? :'''Mayor Hill''': I don't know what you're talking about! :'''Clock King''': You told me to take my coffee break at 3:15. :'''Mayor Hill''': What?! :'''Clock King''': You don't remember?! My ''court date!'' :'''Mayor Hill''': ''[finally realizing]'' Oh my Lord! The lawsuit! Fugate! I swear I was only trying to help! :'''Clock King''': Don't hand me that! You did it on purpose! The plaintiffs were represented by your law firm, Mr. Mayor! :'''Mayor Hill''': But I had nothing to do with that case, Fugate! :'''Clock King''': Not that it matters anymore. Now that you have an appointment to keep, at 3:15 precisely—with the '''Grim Reaper!''' ''[begins laughing maniacally]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I'm here to clean your clock, Fugate. :'''Fugate''': Don't count on it, Batman. When it comes to clocks, ''I'' am king. ''En garde''! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Stop this, Fugate! Hill committed no crime against you! :'''Temple Fugate''': He did worse than that! He made me late! :'''Batman''': Fugate! You can't escape! :'''Clock King''': Au contraire, Batman. You of all people should know, there's always a way out! :''(Fugate begins laughing maniacally as a huge clock wheel falls on him, sending him to his apparent death)'' ===''Appointment In Crime Alley'' [1.26]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': Roland Daggett's up to something, Alfred. :'''Alfred''': That almost goes without saying, doesn't it, sir? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Leslie Thompkins''': This used to be a beautiful street. Good people lived here once. :'''Batman''': ''[placing two roses on the ground]'' Good people still live in Crime Alley. ===''Mad As A Hatter'' [1.27]=== :'''Jervis Tetch''': ''[Discussing the subject of Alice to his lab rats.]'' Of course, intellectually I know it's wrong. After all, she has a boyfriend. Better to withdraw like a gentleman- forget her, turn my heart to other pursuits. ''[Brief pause]'' NEVER! After all, I've created a chip strong enough to control a human brain! It would be so easy to make her forget her boorish beau and love ME! But...that would reduce her to a soulless shell. No...not my Alice. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman has cornered Jervis Tetch, who just subdued Alice with her mindcontrol card and is at a dinner table with him]'' :'''Jervis Tetch/Mad Hatter''': I'll cut that cowl off your neck before you'll take her! I've waited my whole lonely life for her! :'''Batman''': Then all you've waited for is a puppet. A soulless little doll. :'''Mad Hatter''': It didn't have to be this way! You made me do this to her! ===''Dreams In Darkness'' [1.28]=== :'''Batman''': "There's always time to heal", the doctor told me, but he was wrong. There was no time left. Not for me, not for him, and not for Gotham City. And as long as I remained trapped in Arkham, there was nothing I could do, except wait for the end and remember the beginning. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': An entire city, screaming in fear... I wonder if we'll be able to hear it... ===''Eternal Youth'' [1.29]=== :'''Mrs. Thomas''': You wicked, evil- :'''Poison Ivy''': Evil, Mrs. Thomas? I don't control a company that leveled a thousand-year-old forest for a strip mine! THAT'S evil! ''[sprays a gas which causes Mrs. Thomas to become petrified; steals a pair of earrings]'' You and your kind owe Mother Nature a big debt, and I am here to make sure you pay up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': Right now, the bark is merely exoskeletal. It will take months of additional spraying before the transformations become irreversible. But, of course, I have the patience of a redwood. :'''Batman''': ''[snarling]'' And the convictions of a fanatic! :'''Poison Ivy''': Well, if you're not going to be part of the solution, you're obviously part of the problem. Ladies? :''[Ivy's henchwomen begin to spray Batman with the growth formula]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': This spray is triple-strength, Batman! It will start the transformation without any preliminaries! ''[Nothing seems to happen to Batman as he unties his hands]'' He should be sprouting leaves by now! :'''Batman''': ''[Unties his hands and stands up, blocking the spray with his cape as he advances]'' You made your secret too accessible, Ivy! I coated my outfit with a herbicidal antidote! :'''Poison Ivy''': Keep spraying! ''[Violet and Lily back away, still spraying, but Batman subdues them both]'' ===''Perchance To Dream'' [1.30]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[Looking down off the ledge, preparing to jump]'' You're wrong! There IS a way out! :'''Mad Hatter''': Now, now wait just a minute! You don't want to do anything foolish! This isn't an ordinary dream! What if you're wrong?! :'''Bruce Wayne''': '''THEN I'LL SEE YOU IN YOUR ''NIGHTMARES''!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': '''''WHY?''''' Why did you do it?! :'''Mad Hatter''': You, of all people, have the GALL to ask me that? You RUINED MY LIFE! I was willing to give you WHATEVER life you wanted, JUST TO KEEP YOU OUT OF ''MINE!'' <hr width="75%"/> ===''The Cape & Cowl Conspiracy'' [1.31]=== :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Look up "slippery" in the dictionary and you get Josiah Wormwood. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[About the [[w:Bat-Signal|Bat-Signal]]]'' Got a new toy, I see. :'''Gordon''': I figured it might come in handy. ===''[[w:Robin's Reckoning|Robin's Reckoning Part 1]]'' [1.32]=== :''[Robin and Batman are doing a stakeout]'' :'''Robin''': If I knew it was going to take THIS long, I would've brought my homework. You sure about this extortion ring? :'''Batman''': ''[Looking at the construction site through binoculars]'' Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': It's been four hours. :'''Batman''': Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': You still think they'll show? :'''Batman''': Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': Lucky for me, you're such a good conversationalist. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': If you protect him, Stromwell, I'll be very... GRUMPY. [[The Incredible Hulk|You don't want to see me when I'm grumpy]]. ===''[[w:Robin's Reckoning|Robin's Reckoning Part 2]]'' [1.33]=== :'''[[w:Tony Zucco|Tony Zucco]]''': I'm not back in town five minutes - FIVE MINUTES - and he's on my tail. You don't know the Bat. He don't let up! He's the dark angel of death, man, and he wants ME! :'''Mick''': ... Why you, boss? :'''Zucco''': HOW SHOULD I KNOW?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Robin is about to throw Tony Zucco off the pier]'' :'''Tony Zucco''': No, don't! Please... :'''Batman''': Robin! Enough. ''[limps towards him]'' You can't let your emotions get the best of you. :'''Robin''': Stuff your advice, Batman! You and your stone-cold heart! You don't know how I feel. HOW COULD YOU?!? ''[Batman looks at him, and Robin realizes what he said]'' Batman, I didn't mean to... I'm sorry. ''[after he sees the police coming, Robin seemingly readies to throw Zucco off the pier but simply throws him to the ground. The cops arrive and arrest Zucco.]'' You were right, you know, not bringing me along. You knew I'd take it too personally. :'''Batman''': It wasn't that, Robin. It wasn't that at all. Zucco's taken so much, caused you so much pain. I couldn't stand the thought that he might... take you, too. :'''Robin''': ''[putting a hand on Batman's shoulder]'' Come on, partner. It's been a long night. ===''The Laughing Fish'' [1.34]=== :'''Alfred''': ''[seeing Batman with a Joker Fish]'' Dining in tonight, sir? :'''Batman''': ''[sighs]'' The dissection tray, please, Alfred... :'''Alfred''': Any idea what our happy friend is up to now? :'''Batman''': Normal criminals usually have logical motives, but the Joker's insane schemes make sense to him alone. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': Ah-ah-ah-ahem! Look alive, wage slaves. Presenting that caliph of clowns, that mogul of mountebanks, the one and only Joker! :''[The Joker enters, laughing maniacally]'' :'''Francis''': Great Scott! :'''Joker''': Actually, I'm Irish. Good morning, Mister, err, ''[looks at his desk's name plate]'' Francis! Please allow me to introduce my associates. Miss Quinn. :'''Harley Quinn''': ''Enchante''! :'''Joker''': And Messrs, uh... oh, their names escape me for the moment. No matter! We gentlemen of business have arrangements to discuss. :'''Francis''': A... Arrangements? :'''Joker''': ''[drops a Joker Fish onto his desk]'' For my fish, of course! This has all been worked out far in advance, Francis. You are merely the last tiny cog in my grand design! So don't speak to me again, 'kay? Now, what is everyone in town talking about? :'''Francis''': Err... your fish? :'''Joker''': ''[smacks him with the fish]'' I TOLD YOU NOT TO SPEAK! :'''Harley''': ''[sniffs Francis]'' Ooh, fish stink-a-roony! ''[sprays him with a substance from a perfume bottle, making him cough]'' All better! :'''Joker''': As I was saying, since every fish in Gotham now bares my famous and frankly ''fabulous'' face, I should be getting a profit from every fish product sold. ''[one of his thugs pours out a pile of products]'' Let's say a nickel per fish sandwich, fifty cents for sardines - millions of dollars a day to finance my happily hedonistic lifestyle! So which of your tedious copyright forms do I fill out first? You may speak now. :'''Francis''': No one can copyright fish. They're a natural resource. :'''Joker''': But they share my unique face! [[w:Colonel Sanders|Colonel What's-His-Name]] has chickens, and they don't even have moustaches! :'''Francis''': I can't help it, it's the law! :'''Joker''': Oh! Trying to cheat the Joker, are ya?! Well, we'll see who has the last laugh. You have until midnight to change your mind, Francis, or you'll be the poorest fish of all! ''[leaves, laughing madly, with his thugs following]'' :'''Harley''': ''[blows Francis a kiss as she follows]'' Buh-bye! :'''Francis''': He's crazy...! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Francis''': Err, Batman? Why is this happening to me? I've never done anything to this Joker. I'm just a paper-pusher, I can't change the laws. I'm harmless! :'''Batman''': And in his sick mind, that's the joke, Mr. Francis. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Feeling all right? :'''Francis''': ''[scratching himself]'' Oh, sure. It's just that everything's been so crazy today. I haven't even had time to rinse off that gunk the Joker's girl squirted on me... :'''Batman''': ''[to Gordon]'' GET THIS MAN TO A HOSPITAL! ''NOW!'' :'''Francis''': What?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': You're right, Harley. Fish ''are'' disgusting. I think I'll start using my toxin on cattle. Joker Burgers! Ha! Talk about a [[w:McDonald's|Happy Meal!]] <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': ''[after hitting Batman with a big wrench]'' Meanwhile, back at the "wrench"...! Since my sidesplitters don't tickle you, how 'bout a ''skull''-splitter?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After the Joker is seemingly eaten by the shark]'' :'''Harley''': ''[sniffing sadly]'' Oh, my poor, poor puddin'... :'''Bullock''': Come on, he was a demented, abusive, psychotic maniac. :'''Harley''': Yeah... I'm really gonna miss him! ''[sobs into her handkerchief]'' :'''Gordon''': Do you think he's gone for good? :'''Batman''': Believe me, Jim, I wish it were true. But deep inside, I doubt it. ===''Night Of The Ninja'' [1.35]=== :'''[[w:Kyodai Ken|Kyodai Ken]]''': ''[Throwing Bruce]'' Don't be depressed, Wayne-san. You're not bad for a rich man's pampered son. :'''Sensei''': ''[Leaps across room and throws Kyodai]'' There's always someone better, Kyodai. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': His name is Kyodai Ken. He was good. :'''Robin''': Yeah? How good? :'''Batman''': ''[Quickly]'' Good. :'''Robin''': I see. <hr width="80%"/> ===''Cat Scratch Fever'' [1.36]=== :'''Selina Kyle''': Don't tell me you're my very own private probation officer. How often would you like me to check in? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': "Viral Antitoxins". For a plague that doesn't exist, yet, but if the plague is introduced via stray dogs and cats, it will blanket Gotham City within weeks! :'''Roland Daggett''': Days, actually. You know how many strays there are in Gotham, Batman? Three hundred thousand! Imagine if even a tenth of them carried the virus. Not only will this little bottle make me a hero, it'll make me a fortune as well. ===''The Strange Secret Of Bruce Wayne'' [1.37]=== :''[Joker, Two-Face, and Penguin are bidding over Batman's secret identity]'' :'''Two-Face''': $500,000 :'''Penguin''': Poof. Chicken feed. I'll bet a million! :'''Two-Face''': ''TWO'' Million! :'''Strange''': I have two million. Do I hear three? :'''Joker''': Hold it, hold it, HOLD IT! :'''Two-Face''': Get outta my face, clown! :'''Joker''': Which one? :''[An angered Two-Face is about to attack Joker, but Penguin intervenes]'' :'''Penguin''': Gentlemen, it behooves us not to fight amongst ourselves. :'''Joker''': Well put, sardine breath! I think we should ''pool'' our resources on this. $51,240,685! ''[gets out a little coin purse, and pours out some coins]'' And uh, 53 cents. :'''Strange''': Sold! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Strange''': Joker, please! I was set up! Bruce Wayne is Batman! :'''Two-Face''': That's absurd! I know Bruce Wayne. If he's Batman, I'm the King of England! :'''Joker''': And people say I'M crazy! ===''Heart Of Steel Part 1'' [1.38]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': And who's your little friend? :''[Barbara takes a teddy bear out of her purse]'' :'''Barbara Gordon''': Oh, this is Wubby. I've had him forever. Dad won't pick me up at the airport without bringing him along. :'''Commissioner Gordon''': ''[blushing]'' Well... he knows the way better than I do. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': ''[After learning about the AI project]'' Sounds as if the human race could become quite expendable, except for butlers, of course. :'''Batman''': Of course. ===''Heart Of Steel Part 2'' [1.39]=== :'''Randa''': You have immobilized the maker. :'''[[w:HARDAC|HARDAC]]''': His human imperfection endangers the plan. He must be improved upon. <hr width="50%"/> :'''HARDAC''': The maker's concept was sound, but he did not go far enough - which is why I have taken over. ===''If You're So Smart, Why Aren't You Rich?'' [1.40]=== :'''[[w:Riddler|Edward Nygma]]''': ''[Being cheated out of the sales of his game]'' You are a fool, Mockridge, to think you can get away with this! Your amoral greed is no match for an intellect like mine! :'''Mockridge''': Oh, yeah? Then tell me something, Eddie: if you're so smart, why aren't you ''rich?'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman reprograms the Hand of Fate, and uses it to carry himself and Robin to the centre of the maze]'' :'''Riddler''': That is grand-scale CHEATING, Batman! You're not allowed to tamper with the Hand of Fate! :'''Batman''': I don't believe in fate! :'''Riddler''': You probably don't believe in Minotaurs either, but you'll still have to answer the Riddle. :'''Minotaur Robot''': ''I have billions of eyes, yet I live in darkness. I have millions of ears, yet only four lobes. I have no muscles, yet I move two hemispheres. What am I?'' :'''Batman''': ''[pauses in thought]'' That's simple: the human brain. ''[The Minotaur backs away]'' It has billions of optic and auditory nerves, four lobes and two hemispheres, and it's the only thing Edward Nygma respects. :'''Riddler''': A lucky guess, that's all! But it won't save you, Batman! ''[to the Minotaur]'' DESTROY THEM! ===''Joker's Wild'' [1.41]=== :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[as Joker changes the channel in the TV]'' Hey, I was watching that! :'''Joker''': And now you're watching this! :'''Poison Ivy''': Change it back! :'''Joker''': Nope, nope, nope, nope, don't want to. :'''Poison Ivy''': Guard! :'''Security Guard''': What's the problem? :'''Joker''': Don't look now, Sonny Jim, but the plant lady's gone whackers again. :'''Poison Ivy''': He started it! I was just sitting here! :'''Joker''': That's right, you're always blaming me. And the children wonder why we fight! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...the Joker's Wild! :''[Cameron Kaiser cuts the ribbon and unveils a casino with a gigantic Joker head. He is seen spoken to by Summer Gleeson]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': Ugh, that is disgusting! :'''Cameraman''': Psst, Summer! We're on the air! :'''Summer Gleeson''': ''[mortified]'' Oh! Uh... there you have it! Let's get a reaction from the guests. Mr. Wayne? :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[equally nauseated]'' No comment. :'''Summer Gleeson''': Mr. Kaiser, why build a casino seemingly in honor of one of history's most notorious outlaws? :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Summer, please! Wild Joker is a classic symbol, long associated with cards and games. I can't help it if there's a some passing resemblance to some criminal fruitcake. :''[An enraged Joker smashes the television]'' :'''Joker''': How dare that smug, preening fool try to cash in on ''MY'' image! :'''Poison Ivy''': Now who should lighten up? :'''Joker''': Don't get cute with me, Red. He's ripping me off! I'll protest! Yeah! I'll sue! Then I'll rip his lungs out! And I will, too! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': It was a scheme worthy of ''me'', Kaiser, the way you got me riled up and turned me loose on this place! :'''Cameron Kaiser''': You...! You were supposed to destroy the casino! :'''Joker''': Yeah, but then I realized it'd be more fun to get rid of you and run the show myself! :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Bu-But you can't...! :'''Joker''': Oh please, Mr. Kaiser! You of all people should have realized there'd be a Joker in the deck! ''[laughs]'' ===''Tyger Tyger'' [1.42]=== :'''Dorian''': I want to test Tygrus' reflexes and feral strength, and who better to pit him against than you? I'll give you a generous head start before I release Tygrus. If you defeat him, I shall relinquish this, the antigen to reverse Catwoman's mutation. :'''Batman''': How do I know you'll keep your word? :'''Dorian''': You don't. The clock is ticking, Batman. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': So you ''can'' talk. :'''Tygrus''': My father taught me. :'''Batman''': Your father was a test tube. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': Batman! The antidote! I'll be stuck like this forever! :'''Tygrus''': Would that be so bad? You could stay here, with me. :'''Catwoman''': Oh, Tygrus... I can't live like this, I have to be human again. :'''Tygrus''': ''[sadly, taking her hands in his]'' Goodbye, Selina. :''[As he leaves, Catwoman sees that he has given here the serum. She looks overjoyed, then calls out to him]'' :'''Catwoman''': Wait - won't you come with us? There's nothing for you here. :'''Tygrus''': There's nothing for me anywhere. ''[disappears into the falling rain]'' :'''Batman''': ''[in voiceover]'' "[[w:The Tyger|Tyger Tyger burning bright, in the forests of the night: what immortal hand or eye, dare frame thy fearful symmetry?]]" ===''Moon Of The Wolf'' [1.43]=== :'''Professor Milo''': What you're suffering from is an early stage of lycanthropy, more commonly known as werewolfism; for that I have no treatment. However, advanced werewolfism can be cured. :'''Anthony Romulus''': ''[after a wolf howls, Anthony starts transforming]'' Ohhh, you fool! There's no telling what the werewolf might do! :'''Professor Milo''': Hey, ask me if I care. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Do me a favour, shaggy: stay down! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bullock''': No trace of Wolfie! We checked the shoreline for miles! But in four weeks, there's another full moon. Then we'll know for sure. ===''Day Of The Samurai'' [1.44]=== :''[Batman swoops away after rescuing his Sensei's student, Kairi]'' :'''Kairi''': ''[In Japanese]'' Spirit of the bat... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yoru''': If you see Batman, tell him I have great respect for him. :'''Bruce''': Why? He's as much a ninja as Kyodai was. :'''Yoru''': Not so. Batman offered to help his adversary, and a lesser man would have used the secrets of the Onemuri touch against his opponent. Batman is the essence of samurai, Wayne-san. You would do well to remember that. :'''Bruce''': ''[bows]'' Domo arigato, sensei. ===''Terror In The Sky'' [1.45]=== :'''Batman''': Reports of a huge bat creature the size of a man. Remind you of anybody? :'''Alfred''': Present company excluded? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You couldn't leave it alone, could you, March? You've recreated the mutagen. :'''March''': ''[aiming a tranquilizer rifle at him]'' Recreated it? I've ''refined'' it! At night, on my own, so the others wouldn't know. I still believe only a creature like a Man-Bat can survive the next evolutionary cataclysm - and it will! My new serum could be even more powerful than Kirk's! :'''Batman''': ''[after disarming March]'' "''Could'' be"? What do you mean? :'''March''': I needed to test it, but before I had the chance-- :'''Batman''': ''[clearly surprised]'' You mean you ''haven't'' taken it? :'''March''': Of course not! The experimental batch was destroyed. I'll have to-- :'''Batman''': Destroyed? How? :'''March''': I'd been working through the night. I was just completing the final combination. ''[remembers incident at his lab as he drops the beaker of mutagen upon Francine's surprise entry]'' Francine burst in. I was startled. You have to understand I was very tired, I accidentally dropped the beaker. The whole night's work, ruined! Francine never guessed what I was doing, she even helped me clean up the mess. All that... glass! ''[recalls Francine licking her finger after it is pricked by a small shard of glass]'' Oh... oh, my lord... Francine! The mutagen - it's in ''her'' bloodstream now! ''[breaks down at his folly as Batman loads a tranquilizer into a pistol of his and then gives March the formula paperwork]'' :'''Batman''': Is ''that'' what it's going to take? Your daughter's life, before you end this insanity? :''[Later that night, March burns the files]'' ===''Almost Got 'Im'' [1.46]=== :'''Joker''': I want a nice clean game, gentlemen. :'''Penguin''': That'll be a first. So, I hear 'you-know-who' nailed the Mad Hatter last week. :'''Joker''': No kidding. He sure gets around for one guy. :'''Two-Face''': Yeah, well that's where you're wrong. I don't think it IS one guy. :'''[[w:Killer Croc|Killer Croc]]''': Huh? :'''Two-Face''': The way I figure it, Gordon's got a bunch of 'em stashed someplace like a SWAT team. He wants you to think it's one guy, but- :'''Joker''': Meh. You're always seeing double. :'''Penguin''': It's obvious our caped friend suffered some crime-related trauma when he was younger. Perhaps an over-anxious mugger blew off a piece of his face. :'''Joker''': Sure! He could be all gross and disgusting under that mask! ''[as Two-Face crushes a milk carton]'' Uh, no offense, Harv. :'''Two-Face''': Just deal. :'''Killer Croc''': Well, ya know what ''I'' think? :'''Joker''': Not the robot theory again... :'''Killer Croc''': Well, he COULD be. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Two-Face''': Poison Ivy... :'''Poison Ivy''': It's been a long time Harvey. You're still looking...halfway decent. :'''Two-Face''': Half of me wants to strangle ya. :'''Poison Ivy''': And what's the other part want? :'''Two-Face''': To hit you with a truck! :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[to the others]'' We used to date. :'''Penguin/Joker''': Ah. ===''Birds Of A Feather'' [1.47]=== :'''[[w:Penguin (comics)|Penguin]]''': Say, who's there? Two-Face? Croc? Joker, old shoe? :'''Batman''': None of the above, Penguin. :'''Penguin''': Oh no, not you... :'''Batman''': Get used to it. Wherever you go, I'll be right behind you. :'''Penguin''': Precisely where you belong. But you needn't bother. Haven't you heard? I've reformed. Paid my debt to society, and all that. :'''Batman''': We'll see. I just came to tell you to keep your beak clean. :'''Penguin''': ''[grabs a can of rat poison]'' As long as you're here, won't you stay for a cappuccino? :''[Batman gives him an annoyed look before leaving]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Batman defeats a gang of thugs threatening the Penguin and Veronica]'' :'''Batman''': I knew you couldn't stay clean for more than one day. :'''Veronica''': Let him go! He didn't do anything. It was those brutes! :'''Batman''': ''[genuinely surprised]'' He wasn't with them? :'''Penguin''': That's right, you vulgar vigilante! In my day, I associated with a much higher class of riff-raff! :'''Veronica''': I'm so sorry, Ozzie. :'''Penguin''': As long as you weren't bruised, my peach. ''[kisses her hand]'' :'''Batman''': "Peach"? :'''Penguin''': Why don't you be a good masked man and ride off into the night? This time, ''I'll'' clean up after ''you.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Veronica''': Please, Oswald! If it's money you want, I can get you more! :'''Penguin''': ''SHUT UP!'' All I wanted from ''you'', dearie, was a little friendship. That would have cost you ''nothing.'' But now you'll pay! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Veronica''': Oswald? I really was growing fond of you. It's too bad this had to happen. :'''Penguin''': ''[coldly]'' I suppose it's true what they say: society is to blame. ''High'' society. ===''What Is Reality?'' [1.48]=== :'''Batman''': "Where does a 500 pound gorilla sleep?" "What's worse than a millipede with flat feet?" "How do you stuff five elephants into a compact car?" :'''Alfred''': Anywhere it wants, a giraffe with a sore throat, and two in the front seat, two in the back, and one in the trunk. :'''Batman''': Yeah, yeah. I know, I know. Any schoolboy knows those. But brain teasers are the Riddler's M.O. Not corny old jokes like these. :'''Alfred''': Perhaps the questions are the clues, not the answers. For example, they all seem to involve animals. :'''Batman''': Also numbers. A ''500'' pound gorilla. A millipede, meaning a thousand legs. And five elephants. Now let's convert them to Roman numerals. ''[he does, revealing the letters DMV]'' Look! :'''Alfred''': DMV... :'''Batman and Alfred''': Department of Motor Vehicles! :'''Alfred''': But I recall you mentioning he'd already obliterated his records there, so why return? :'''Batman''': For the hard copy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no tales. :'''Batman''': Another riddle, Nygma? :''[Four quarters and a single penny emerge from the return change chute]'' :'''Riddler''': It all makes sense when you add it up! :''[In the Batmobile]'' :'''Alfred''': Four quarters and a penny, sir? :'''Batman''': Penny... Penny... Cent... Red cent... Copper. It's made of copper. :'''Alfred''': And "copper" is another word for a policeman. :'''Batman''': And "no tails" would be heads. Police head... Quarters! :'''Alfred''': Police Headquarters. Bravo, sir! It does make "cents" when you add it up! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': He can't be online! I searched through every file. :'''Riddler''': You searched the software. Had you bothered to examine the hardware you would have discovered a cordless modem line. :'''Riddler''': A pity you can't earn extra lives in this game.Quite an experience being riddled with questions, isn't it, Batman :'''Robin''': Batman don't open that door Crazy Intent means Loco Motion! Batman finds himself on a chessboard: :'''Riddler''':Only Batman can put the King in check and you have to move according to the rules or its the end of the day :'''Robin''':They call you the dark Knight..so you have to move like a knight (If Batman fails to move as a knight it'll be "KNightfall" (!) :'''Riddler''':Careful, vigilante, you know what they say, "Curiosity killed the Bat". :'''Batman''': Can you solve it? :'''Robin''': Are you kidding? You're looking at the guy who solved the Baxter's Box puzzle in 37 seconds! Course, this time I don't have a sledge hammer... After escaping Riddler Virtual realty Traps, Batman tries to rescue Gordon from Riddler :'''Batman''': You may control this world, Nygma, but I still control myself! :'''Riddler''': The name is "Riddler"! Edward Nygma doesn't exist anymore! You may recall that he was once fired by an ungrateful employer! That was a private matter and was meant to remain one! :'''Batman''': Attempted homicide is never a "private matter", Nygma! :'''Riddler''': No, but it would have been if you hadn't interfered and turned Edward Nygma into a fugitive! So I deleted Nygma. Just as I'm about to delete you, Batman. :'''Batman''':Tell me this.. Riddler how can you spread your conscious thirty-two times..and still have the concentration to keep your world together? YOU CAN'T! Batman saves Gordon :'''Riddler''': No....NO..... I can escape that easy...but if the Planet was equitable...I'd still have my old Job....No...wait...I'M ...not Ready.....AHHHHH' :'''Gordon''': But we'll never find him :'''Batman''': I think he left us a clue..."If the planet were equitable, I'd still have my old job". :'''Robin''': Of course. If the "World's Fair," I'd still have my "Ex-position". Oh, give me a break. [Batman, Robin and Gordon find Riddler mind trapped in his virtual realty world] :'''Batman''': Looks like he didn't escape his virtual reality in time. :'''Robin''': You mean he's been trapped inside his own program? :'''Batman''': Could be and how to get him out may be a riddle no one can solve. ===''I Am The Night'' [1.49]=== :'''Batman''': A weary body can be dealt with. But a weary spirit? That's something else. Sometimes, old friend, I wonder if I'm really doing any good out there. :'''Alfred''': How can you doubt it? The lives you've saved, the criminals you've brought to justice-- :'''Batman''': I've put out a few fires, yes. Won a few battles. But the war goes on, Alfred. On and on... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Leslie Thompkins''': You seem quieter than usual tonight. :'''Batman''': Every year, I come here and wonder if it should be the last time. If I should put the past behind me, try to lead a normal life. :'''Dr. Thompkins''': [[George Santayana|Santayana]] says, "Those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it." :'''Batman''': He also said a fanatic is someone who redoubles his efforts while losing sight of his goal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I chose this life. I use the night - I ''became'' the night. Sooner or later, I'll go down. It might be the Joker, or Two-Face, or just some punk who gets lucky. My decision, no regrets. But I can't let anyone else pay for my mistakes. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': "[[Friedrich Nietzsche|When you look too long into the abyss, the abyss looks back through you.]]" Maybe it's time for Batman to return to the night that spawned him, before anyone else gets hurt! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[grabs Wizard]'' Up to your old tricks, I see. How about returning that suitcase to its owner? :'''Wizard''': Hey, man, I ''am'' the owner. :''[Batman, surprised, lets him go]'' :'''Wizard''': Y'know, I was kinda hoping I'd run into you. I'd been in those places like where you left me before. Heard the rap, wasn't impressed. But this time, it made sense. Maybe I was ready to hear it. So I'm heading back home. I guess I kinda owe it to you, Batman. You probably saved my life. I'll bet you hear this all the time. Look, I'm gonna miss my bus, I'll see you around. And... thanks. :''[Batman smiles as he watches Wizard leave]'' ===''Off Balance'' [1.50]=== :'''[[w:Talia al Ghul|Talia]]''': My contact lenses! I lost them when we fell! They counter the distortion effect. Without them, I'm as helpless as you. :'''Batman''': I don't do helpless. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Ra's al Ghul|Ra's al Ghul]]''': So even in defeat, the detective manages to achieve some small measure of victory. As you said, detective: this is not over. ===''The Man Who Killed Batman'' [1.51]=== :'''Joker''': You know, there's just one thing bothering me about your story, Sid. No body. No BATUS DELECTI so to speak. We need to pull a job tonight just to make sure. :'''Murphy, Joker's henchman''': Make sure what, boss? :'''Joker''': ''[surprised by Murphy's question]'' Why that old Batsy's bought the cave of course, and one more thing Murphy.....''[turning more annoyed]'' don't ask stupid questions. ''[pushes Murphy to the hyenas who scratch and lick him crazily, to Joker's satisfaction]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': I'll get the mop. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': When the cops come, stall them for awhile, just until Batman arrives. '' Got it?'' :'''Henchman''': Right, boss. :'''Joker''': ''[to Murphy, still scarred from the hyenas]'' Any questions, Murph? :'''Murphy''': No sir! :'''Joker''': ''[to Sid The Squid]'' Good man. And if Batman hasn't ''really'' gone to his final reward, ''we'll'' see that he gets there! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Dear friends... today is the day the Clown cried. And he cries not for the passing of one man, but for the death of a dream. The dream that he would someday taste the ultimate victory over his hated enemy. For it was the Batman who made me the happy soul I am today. How I agonized over the perfect way to thank him for that. Perhaps with a cyanide pie in the face. Or an exploding whoopie-cushion playfully planted in the Batmobile. But those dreams were dashed by the weaselly little gunsel sitting there in our midst. The cowardly insignificant gonif who probably got lucky when Batman slipped on the slime trail this loser left behind him. This mound of diseased hyena filth who's not fit to lick the dirt from my spats...! But I digress. The time for sorrow has passed. It's time to look to a future filled with smiles. And I'll be smiling again just as soon as we take that man THERE...and slap him in that box THERE...and roll him into that vat of acid THERE! Well that was fun...who's for Chinese?! ===''Mudslide'' [1.52]=== :'''Clayface''': ''[After civilians flee in terror upon seeing his true form]'' That's right, run! Run for your measly lives! Run from Clayface! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Clayface''': You've upstaged me for the last time, Batman. Time to bring down the curtain! ===''Paging The Crime Doctor'' [1.53]=== :'''Rupert Thorne''': You think you iced the Batman, huh? Heh heh heh... Not on your best day, Jake! I'd cover my back if I were you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce Wayne''': Bruce Wayne, Dr. Thorne. Thomas Wayne's son. Did you get my letter? :'''[[w:Joseph Campanella|Matthew Thorne]]''': Yes. Thomas Wayne... :'''Bruce Wayne''': I told you I can help with your legal costs, maybe even put in a good word with the judge. :'''Matthew Thorne''': Yes, but what do you get out of it? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Well, there is something you can do for me. :'''Matthew Thorne''': I knew it! I knew there'd be a catch. Sorry, Mr. Wayne. Matthew Thorne is no longer for sale! :'''Bruce Wayne''': I'm not looking for any illegal favors. :'''Matthew Thorne''': What then? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Something you know. Something only you can give me. ''[pause]'' Tell me about my father. :''[Dr. Thorne grins and camera pans out as he ushers Bruce to resume his seat]'' ===''Zatanna'' [1.54]=== :'''[[w:Zatanna|Zatanna]]''': What do you care about some leggy dame in nylons- or have I just answered my own question? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zatanna''': ''[About Batman's mask]'' What happened that made you put this on? :'''Batman''': A painful memory, and a promise. ===''The Mechanic'' [1.55]=== :'''The Penguin''': ''[furious at his men for stealing the wrong stamps by mistake]'' These are terrible! Terrible! :'''Eagleton''': ''[indignant]'' Come on, boss. Give me a break. We got you the stamps. What more do you want? :'''The Penguin''': ''[tossing the worthless stamps angrily]'' I wanted the rare ones! The reversed Audubons! These aren't worth enough to pay for the repairs to the limousine. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Earl Cooper''': ''[sees the damaged Batmobile]'' You been letting the kid drive again? :'''Robin''': Ha ha. Actually we were playing chicken with a penguin. :'''Batman''': Or three of his men. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Penguin is scrubbing license plates in prison]'' :'''Penguin''': ''[reading one]'' "1 BAT 4U"?! ''[breaks it in anger]'' ===''Harley and Ivy'' [1.56]=== :'''Joker''': NO, we didn't get the diamond! The Dork Knight showed up before we even got to the museum! I had a great shot at him, too. Except... my dear little Harley Quinn handed me the wrong gun! :'''Harley Quinn''': But puddin', it was kinda funny watching you shoot at him with the bang flag! ''[Rocco and Henshaw can't help laughing then stifle it as the Joker glares at them]'' :'''Joker''': ''[turning back to Harley]'' Funny? You presume to tell me what I should think is funny?!? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[Poison Ivy trips the alarm, spoiling and hers and Harley Quinn's separate robberies]'' Nice going, butterfingers! Why not turn on the Bat-Signal while you're at it? :'''Poison Ivy''': I wasn't TRYING to get caught! :'''Harley Quinn''': Could've fooled me! Hey, aren't you that plant lady Poison Oakie? :'''Poison Ivy''': Ivy! Poison IVY, not Oakie! :'''Harley Quinn''': Sorry! Harley Quinn, please to meet ya! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Poison Ivy is about to give an injection to Harley Quinn]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': I hate shots! I hate shots! :'''Poison Ivy''': Now, now. You're not immune to poison like I am, and you won't last ten minutes here in Toxic Acres without my antidote. ''[gives the injection]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': Oooh! Whew, you'd think after livin' with Mr. J, I'd be used to a little pain. :'''Poison Ivy''': Why do you put up with that clown? :'''Harley Quinn''': Don't get me wrong. My puddin's a little rough sometimes, but he loves me, really. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[sarcastically]'' Sure he does. You're just one big, forgiving doormat, aren't you? :'''Harley Quinn''': I am NOT a doormat! ...Am I? :'''Poison Ivy''': If you had a middle name, it would be Welcome. But cheer up, kid. You just need some lessons in good old female self-esteem. In other words, let's play with the boys on ''our'' terms. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': That should keep you big strong men busy while we weak little girls loot your trophy room. :'''Harley Quinn''': Gee, Ives, you got style! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[sighs softly]'' No offense, Ives, but I'm not very hungry. Somehow I don't feel like my old perky self. Something's missing. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[angrily slams her form on Harley's plate]'' Will you stop?! I can't believe you're still mooning over that psychotic creep! :'''Harley Quinn''': Well, maybe I'd feel better if I knew he missed me, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': HARLEY!!! This place is going to blinking blue blazes! Anybody seen my socks?! '''HARLEY!!!''' ''[the hyenas snarl at Joker]'' OH!! They snapped at me! What's going on, Rock? This place is a mess, no one's fed the hyenas and I can't find my socks! Where's Harley?! :'''Rocko''': Y-y-ya canned her, boss. Remember? :'''Joker''': So? She's always come back before. :'''Rocko''': Gee... I guess ya ain't seen the papers then. :'''Joker''': Papers?! What are you babbling about?! ''[snatches the newspaper from Rocko and reads an article of Harley's partnership with Poison Ivy]'' '''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!''''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[to Poison Ivy]'' I remember when I would go driving like this with Mr. J. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[imitating Harley Quinn]'' "Mr. J, Mr. J." Oh, change the record, Harl! You wanna be some wacko's victim the rest of your life?! ===''Shadow Of The Bat Part 1'' [1.57]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[indignant after reading about James Gordon's arrest]'' We'll see about this. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara Gordon]]''': So Batman can't help me? Fine. Let's see what Batgirl can do! ===''Shadow Of The Bat Part 2'' [1.58]=== :'''Two-Face''': Don't get wise with me, Mason. Remember who got you set up as Gordon's assistant? :'''Gil Mason''': Right, Harvey, right. :'''Two-Face''': ''[grabs him]'' Don't call me that! It's TWO-FACE to you, pretty boy! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I should've known it would be Two-Face. It's a perfect two-part plan. He consolidates the gangs while Mason takes over the police. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Gil Mason is about to murder James Gordon to become commissioner, and later mayor]'' :'''Gil Mason''': It's business, Jim. Nothing personal. Matter of fact, I respect you, I do. But a fellow has to take his opportunities where he finds them. And with you out of the way, I'll be mayor inside of a year! :'''Gordon''': You're SICK, Gil! ''[glances at Two-Face]'' A lot sicker than him! At least I can see his bad half! :'''Mason''': Sorry you feel that way. At least you won't have to worry about Barbara. I'll take good care of her. She's very fond of me, you know. :'''Gordon''': You piece of scum! I may not be able to stop you, but I know someone who will! :'''Mason''': I wouldn't get your hopes up. You see, there's been a recent decline in the bat population... ===''Blind As A Bat'' [1.59]=== :'''Penguin''': Your aim appears to be a little off today, Batman. I don't think you could hit the broad side of a barn, let alone the broad side of this bird! You're blind as a bat. Sightless and helpless. :'''Batman''': You've got ''one'' right. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': You have a call on your private line. :'''Bruce''': Then let's go! :'''Alfred''': In your condition, sir? :'''Bruce''': If you think a little inconvenience like this is going to stop me... :''[he knocks over a lamp]'' :'''Alfred''': Indeed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': ''[contacting Mayor Hill's office from the Raven]'' Quite a machine, this Raven. Amazing what its communications equipment can do. Don't you agree? You've received my instructions? :'''Mayor Hill''': They arrived by messenger this morning. You know, one-hundred million is a a lot of money. It'll take time to raise that much. :'''Penguin''': You're stalling, Hill. Obviously, you're not taking me seriously. I've warned you not to make that mistake. Apparently, I'll have to show you why. :''[shuts off communication and Hill angrily snaps his pencil in half]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Hill''': Just what I was afraid of. According to the controller's office, we can't come close to putting that ransom together. Not without shutting down basic municipal services. :'''Detective Bullock''': So what other options do we got? :'''Batman''': ''[emerging from the shadows]'' None, gentlemen. Which is why you're going to do exactly what the Penguin wants you to. ===''The Demon's Quest Part 1'' [1.60]=== :'''Ra's al Ghul''': As [[W:Napoleon|Napoleon]] told me, "A strong will can fuel a frail physique." <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Look at it, detective. One of the last of the rainforests. The world depends upon its oxygen, yet the rich see only profit in its destruction. You, who belong to the overclass, have much to answer for. :'''Batman''': Bruce Wayne donates millions of dollars a year to preserve these forests. :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Which are being depleted at the rate of 120,000 acres a day. Does your money solve this problem? No! It will take more than wealth. It will take power, and I fear, ruthlessness. Humankind must be forced to serve the planet instead of its own appetites. :'''Batman''': And you're the one who'll do the forcing? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': I am... qualified, yes. But I may not have sufficient lifetimes left to me. ===''The Demon's Quest Part 2'' [1.61]=== :'''Ubu''': Infidel! :'''Batman''': If you only knew how sick I am of you calling me that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ra's al Ghul''': The material of the Pit is an unknown chemical stew that bubbles to the Earth's surface only in certain key places. Even now, my people are placing bombs, such as that one, over the various Lazarus Pits around the world. These bombs are electronically linked to a private satellite already in Earth orbit. :'''Batman''': ''Orpheus''. :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Precisely. And at the moment when sun and moon are in proper alignment to cause the greatest upheaval in Earth's geomagnetic field, I shall send a signal to that satellite, beginning a countdown. Five minutes thereafter, one bomb will be lowered deep into the heart of each Pit. The satellite will in turn relay a microwave signal that will detonate all the bombs simultaneously. The multiple explosions will result in a global chain reaction. All the Lazarus Pits throughout the world will overflow. The globe will be saturated with their chemical solution, and when the resultant cataclysm has abated, there will come a blessed peace, and this poor, defiled planet shall find itself restored to its former pristine glory. :'''Batman''': But that will cost countless lives! :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Actually, Detective, we ''have'' counted: Two billion, fifty-six million, nine hundred and eighty-six thousand! A most impressive plan, would you not agree? :'''Batman''': Yes... I can see it clearly now for the first time. You are completely out of your mind. ===''His Silicon Soul'' [1.62]=== :'''Rossum''': You don't understand. You're not a man's mind in a robot's body. You're a robot. Period. :'''Bat-Duplicant''': You're lying! It's not possible! I know my family and friends! I remember names, faces, birthdays! I have memories! A past! :'''Rossum''': You have information. Data. Nothing more. Do you remember your first kiss? Your favorite song? The last time you tasted a really good steak? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[about the duplicant]'' Could it be it had a soul, Alfred? A soul of silicon, but a soul nonetheless. ===''Fire From Olympus'' [1.63]=== :'''Stavros''': Please! It's not what you think. I wasn't going to say anything. Honest! :'''[[w:Maxie Zeus|Maximillion "Maxie" Zeus]]''': Silence! First, you transgress against me. Then, you force me to descend to the mortal plane. And now, you tell me I know not what I think?! :'''Stavros''': No! :'''Zeus''': To the depths of Tartarus with you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zeus''': You bore me with these tales of petty human concerns. :'''Clio''': ''[annoyed]'' You're doing it again, Max. :'''Zeus''': You are Clio, my muse of history. Amuse me with tales of ancient times when mortals trembled at the name of Zeus. :'''Clio''': You want a story? I got one. Seems there was this guy named Max who, because he'd been lucky so far in the smuggling racket, believed himself to be untouchable, superior, godlike... :'''Zeus''': There's a cynical edge to your voice I don't appreciate. Know you not, I am above mortal constraints of right and wrong? :'''Clio''': No one is above the law, Max. :'''Zeus''': I make my own laws! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zeus''': Begone, Lord [[w:Hades|Hades]]. Get thee back to thine own realm. Do not come again to Olympus until bidden! :'''Batman''': I think I get the message. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Clio''': ''[telling Batman about Zeus]'' He wasn't always this way, you know. But then business got bad and he started handling cargo for the mob. After a while, with the pressure, the tension... things got confused. He's not living in the real world anymore. ''[awkwardly]'' Maybe you can relate to that? :'''Batman''': ''[after a short silence]'' You're the only one who can get me close enough to help him - while some of the man you knew still exists. ===''Read My Lips'' [1.64]=== :'''Batman''': How do you think I found this place? The phone book? I had help. ''Inside'' help. :'''[[w:Ventriloquist (comics)|Scarface]]''': My premonition! I knew I was right! Which one of you louses is it?! :'''Rhino''': It ain't me boss! :'''Scarface''': I know it ain't you, Rhino! You're too stupid to be a traitor! :'''Rhino''': Thanks, boss. :'''Scarface''': But whoever it is, they're gonna pay big time! Who is it?! You don't talk, you get the ultimate massage! :'''Batman''': And if I tell? :'''Scarface''': Maybe you just get run over by a truck. :'''Batman''': Tempting, but no. :'''Scarface''': Have it your way. Rhino! :''[Rhino gets ready to pull the lever to lower Batman to a pit of mannequins with razor-sharp fingernails]'' :'''Batman''': Hold it! :'''Scarface''': This is gettin' old, Bats. Last chance, who's the traitor? :'''Batman''': Him! The Ventriloquist! :''[everyone glares at the Ventriloquist]'' :'''Ventriloquist''': No, no! He's lying! I told you when he came into my room! :'''Scarface''': So what? Maybe you did 'cause I had ya cornered. Heard ya talkin' to Batman. :'''Batman''': ''[uses his own ventriloquism to imitate the Ventriloquist]'' Shut up, you blockhead! :'''Scarface''': WHAT DID YOU SAY?! :'''Ventriloquist''': It wasn't me! I didn't say that! My lips didn't move! :'''Scarface''': So what?! You're a ventriloquist! You're also a lyin' yellow liver-bellied two-face! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, Scarface! I'm loyal! I'd never! :'''Batman''': He's been feeding me information, in return for legal protection. ''[imitates the Ventriloquist again]'' You're going up the river, sawdust-for-brains! :'''Scarface''': Why, I oughta...! Waste the floor-flusher! Come on, I gave an order! ICE HIM! DO IT! DO IT NOW! :'''Muggsy''': But, boss, we ventilate the Ventriloquist, your, y'know... :'''Scarface''': I'M SURROUNDED BY TRAITORS! Okay, fine. Ya want something done right, do it yourself! ''[aims his gun at the Ventriloquist]'' ===''The Worry Men'' [1.65]=== :'''Veronica''': If ever someone led a worry-free life, it's you, Bruce Wayne. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce''': Tell me, Alfred: what's an ancient Mayan witch doctor doing on a Gotham skyscraper? :'''Alfred''': This isn't one of those Riddler questions, is it? :'''Bruce''': No, but it's just as confusing. <hr width="50%"/> :''[As Batman attempts to escape from his guillotine]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Oh, you're a clever one! But I will not be denied! As the great [[w:Lewis Carroll|Lewis Carroll]] said: "[[w:Jabberwocky|One, two, one, two, and through and through the vorpal blade went snicker-snack! He left it dead, and with its head, he went galumphing back!]]" <hr width="50%"/> :''[Freed from his mind control, the Mad Hatter's jaguar gang turn on him]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Stop! :'''Shaman''': Yes, stop. Leave him to the police. :'''Mad Hatter''': Thank you. Thank you, you generous, forgiving, ''[draws a gun from his hat]'' noble fool! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': I must say, after all the Hatter put him through, that fellow showed remarkable restraint. :'''Bruce''': When everything was said and done, all the shaman really wanted was to go home. In fact, I hear he even sent the Hatter a farewell gift. :''[The Hatter is seen tossing and turning in bed in Arkham]'' :'''Bruce''': Something to ensure that Jervis Tetch only dreams of a good honest life from now on. :''[A Batman doll is revealed from under the Hatter's pillow]'' ==Season 2== ===''Sideshow'' [2.1]=== :'''Killer Croc''': You know, there's something the brains back at the joint didn't think about. :'''Prison Guard''': Yeah, what's that? :'''Killer Croc''': Crocodile's got the strongest jaws of any animal around. ''[bites his handcuffs in half]'' :'''Prison Guard''': ''[spits the coffee out of his mouth and pins Croc with the shotgun]'' Get back! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman arrives with his shadow. Goliath wakes up and Batman covers Goliath's mouth by calming him down]'' :'''Batman''': Calm down, I won't hurt you. I'm just looking for someone: half man, half crocodile. ''[Goliath looks over worriedly]'' He's in there, isn't he? :'''Goliath''': ''[Pushes Batman to the cage]'' No! Stay away! ''[Holds him against it]'' He's one of us. Croc, run! :'''Batman''': ''[Kicks Goliath into the stomach]'' I don't wanna hurt you. :'''Goliath''': Don't worry, you won't. ''[Hits Batman with the big punch and Batman and Goliath starts fighting]'' :'''Killer Croc''': ''[Comes out of the house]'' You. ''[Gives Batman a spear]'' :'''Billy''': Richard, help! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Billy the Seal Boy''': Why, Croc? Why'd you turn on us like that? We could have helped you, we could have done something. :'''Killer Croc''': You said you can be yourself out here, remember? Well, I guess that's what I was doing - being myself. ===''A Bullet For Bullock'' [2.2]=== :'''Bullock''': Let's get something straight from the get-go. I think you're a freak and a menace, and those are your ''good'' points. But the commish says you serve a purpose, so I go along. :'''Batman''': I appreciate your honesty. What's the problem? :'''Bullock''': Somebody's got it in for me. Tried to give me a fender massage last night. It ain't the first time. Last week too. :'''Batman''': Any suspects? :'''Bullock''': So many, they could have their own zip code. I've put a lot of guys away, and they hate me for it. Looks like one of them hates me enough to do something about it. :'''Batman''': Why me? Why not just go to the department? :'''Bullock''': I step on a lot of toes. I don't want Internal Affairs looking at me too close. They might find some things I don't want found. :'''Batman''': Are you on the take? :'''Bullock''': Watch it, freak! I never took a dime from nobody! I just bend the rules a little sometimes, you understand. We're not all that different. :'''Batman''': We're on the same side, but we're ''not'' the same. I'll help you find out who's after you, but you've got to collar them clean. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': We ''are'' speaking of the same person, are we not? Harvey Bullock? The detective who looks like an unmade bed? :'''Batman''': The same. :'''Alfred''': He came to ''you'' for help? It must be serious. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Montoya''': Bullock? You okay? You don't look so good. I mean, you never look good, but today you look worse. :'''Bullock''': After fifteen years working in this cesspool, I'd like to see how good ''you'' look! <hr width="50%"/> :''[In the Batmobile]'' :'''Bullock''': Nice starship you got here. What's this for? ''[points towards a button]'' :'''Batman''': Passenger ejector seat. :''[Bullock withdraws nervously, while Batman smirks slightly]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bullock''': By the way, I still think you're a freak, but... thanks. ===''Trial'' [2.3]=== :'''Two-Face''': Basic fifty-fifty option. You get him off, you both go free. He goes down, you take the fall with him. :'''Mad Hatter''': Amusing idea, what? Kidnapping you to be Batman's attorney? :'''Two-Face''': Personally, I suggested a quick slug between the eyes... but I lost the coin toss. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarface''': Court is now in session! The Good People of Arkham Asylum vs. the Self-Righteous Vigilante Called Batman! Our prosecutor is ready, likewise our fair and impartial jury. :'''Mad Hatter''': Hang him! :'''Harley''': Shoot him! :'''Killer Croc''': Hit him with a rock! :'''Scarface''': And now, all rise for the most honorable, most benevolent, most merciful Judge Joker! :'''Joker''': GUILTY! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I was promised a chance to defend my client! :'''Joker''': Oh, very well. Like it'll make a difference. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I suppose that you, like your friends, claim that Batman ''drove'' you to be a criminal? :'''Mad Hatter''': He did. :'''Janet Van Dorn''': And yet, as I recall in your case, you brainwashed and kidnapped a woman who rejected you. :'''Mad Hatter''': Batman forced me to do it! He was going to take her away from me! I had no choice! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': You could have respected her wishes and left her alone. :'''Mad Hatter''': I'D HAVE KILLED HER FIRST! ''[gasps and covers his mouth, then turns to the Joker]'' I'd like that last statement stricken from the record, please. :'''Joker''': Record? Is someone supposed to be writing this down? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': And so it's Batman's fault you lead a life of crime? :'''Poison Ivy''': He should have let me bump off Harvey Dent. We'd all have been better off - wouldn't we, Harv? :'''Two-Face''': ''[muttering while flipping his coin]'' Why, you rotten little... :'''Janet Van Dorn''': But Miss Isley, isn't the real motivation for your crimes your obsession with plants? That you prefer them to people? :'''Poison Ivy''': I love plants, honey, but a rose is a rose. :'''Janet Van Dorn''': Then it doesn't bother you when someone, let's say the judge here, ''[plucks the flower from the Joker's robe]'' ruthlessly ''plucks'' a defenceless flower from the warm green earth? :'''Poison Ivy''': No! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': Even knowing he's given it his death sentence? That its petals must die? ''[starts pulling its petals out]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': Stop it...! :'''Poison Ivy''': One by one, withering, falling. One by one till it's all gone, ''honey.'' :''[She crushes the flower so that it crumbles apart. Ivy shrieks with rage and attacks her, and the Scarecrow and Mad Hatter rush in to restrain her]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Miss Ivy, please! :'''Scarface''': You look beautiful when you're angry. :''[Ivy smacks the Ventriloquist in the face, and Scarface laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I used to believe Batman was responsible for you people. But now I see nearly everyone here would have ended up exactly the same, Batman or not. Oh, the gimmicks might be different, but you'd all be out there in some form or another bringing misery to Gotham. The truth is, ''you'' created ''him.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Well done, counsellor. You've proven that Batman ''didn't'' create us - that we, in fact, messed up our own rotten lives! And as we are so rotten, vile and depraved... we're going to waste you anyway! :''[The inmates cheer and close in on Batman and Janet]'' :'''Joker''': [[w:Porky Pig|A-bi-a-bi-a-bi, that's all, folks!]] ''[bangs down a rubber chicken]'' Let's mambo! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I see now there's a need for the things you do. But I'm still going to work towards a city that doesn't need Batman. :'''Batman''': ''[smiling]'' Me too. ===''Avatar'' [2.4]=== :'''Lucius Fox''': Without a doubt, this will be one of the best museum exhibitions Gotham City has ever seen. You can be quite the humanitarian on occasion, Bruce. It's commendable. It's inspiring. :'''Bruce''': It's deductible. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce''': You've got a serious priority problem, Ra's. What can be in that tomb that's more valuable than the love of your daughter? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Power, detective. The power once held by almighty Thoth-Khepera, Queen of Two Continents. :'''Bruce''': You surprise me, Ra's. The world's oldest chauvinist chasing after a woman? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Thoth-Khepera was not simply a woman, detective, nor merely a ruler. Through her flowed the power of the gods. With no more than a gesture, she controlled the force of life and death, and with it, she kept a nation under her thumb for one thousand years. :'''Bruce''': You sound like a bad Saturday afternoon serial, Ra's. This is sheer nonsense. :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': No, detective - I know there is a power there to be tapped! My six hundred years of life are proof of that power. :''[Bruce and Talia are trapped in a glass booth]'' :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Farewell, detective. Farewell, Talia. It is said that one finds one's immortality in one's offspring. Alas, I know that to be a lie. ===''House and Garden'' [2.5]=== :'''Batman''': She's done nothing more incriminating than return an overdue video - even paid the late fee. :'''Alfred''': Could it be Ivy truly has reformed? :'''Batman''': I want to believe it. Why can't I? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You haven't changed a bit. :'''Poison Ivy''': Yes, I have. I meant it when I said I wanted a family that loves me. I just wanted it on my terms. :'''Robin''': Lady, you're nuts! :'''Poison Ivy''': Well, that's ''your'' opinion. Probably the last one you'll ever have, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': I'm just sorry she got away. :'''Batman''': Me too, Robin. But I don't think we'll see her again anytime soon. :''[The real Ivy is shown escaping on a plane out of Gotham, looking through a scrapbook]'' :'''Batman''': Ivy lost everything she had, everything she said she ever wanted. For what it's worth, I believed her when she told me that for the first time in her life... she was happy. :''[Ivy sheds tears as she looks at a photo of her wedding]'' ===''The Terrible Trio'' [2.6]=== :'''Warren''': Is this all you do for kicks, Bruce? Charity work? :'''Bruce''': Well, I do have a night life. Pull! ''[shoots down a clay pigeon]'' Besides, it's important to help others. It may sound corny, but hey, it's how I feel. :'''Warren''': You must recognize that you are a superior animal, Bruce. A member of the elite. Pull! ''[shoots down another clay pigeon]'' Take my Delta brothers and me. Why, we've run with the bulls! :'''Armand''': Shot game from hot air balloons! :'''Gunther''': Killed a great white! :'''Warren''': We've done it all. Ah, therein lies the problem. After all, what do the rajas do when there are no more tigers to hunt? :'''Bruce''': I'm sure you'll think of something, Warren. ''[leaves]'' :'''Warren''': Dollar for dollar, that has to be the dullest man in Gotham City. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Scoundrels like these are worse than the Joker. At least he's got madness as an excuse! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Let's go, Fox. You've raided your last chicken coop. :'''Warren''': Wait, wait a minute! We can make a deal! A million dollars to let me go! ''Ten'' million! Think about it. Buys a lot of Batarangs! :'''Batman''': ''[unimpressed]'' Your money's no good here. :'''Warren''': Okay, fine! Go ahead, take me in, hero! I've got every judge in town in my pocket! You'll see! I'll get justice! The best that money can buy! :''[Next, Warren is seen being ushered into a cell at Stonegate, where his burly new cellmate gives him a menacing look]'' ===''Harlequinade'' [2.7]=== :'''Harley''': ''[in handcuffs]'' I sense a lack of trust. :'''Robin''': Are you sure you don't need help keeping Zippy under control? :''[Harley picks the lock on her cuffs while Batman speaks]'' :'''Batman''': I'm fine. Besides, I need you to be ready if Gordon's men get any leads. I'll signal if there's trouble. :'''Robin''': You got it. :'''Harley''': I wanna listen to the radio! ''[reaches for the controls]'' :'''Batman''': DON'T--! :''[Harley Quinn deploys a parachute, causing the Batmobile to swerve wildly. When the Batmobile stops, Batman is furious]'' :'''Harley''': ''[timidly]'' Oops... :'''Batman''': Listen, and listen good. You don't touch anything, say anything, or DO ANYTHING UNLESS I TELL YOU! GOT IT?! :'''Harley''': Yes, sir. :'''Batman''': ''[turns away, Harley begins making faces at him]'' So far, Joker hasn't been seen in any of his old hideouts. I want you to show me the last place he used when he escaped. ''[catches her making a face, which she replaces with a sheepish grin]'' :'''Harley''': Okay! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Instead of taking you, the cops, and the Batman down separately? I'm gonna blast you all at once! ''[takes out his phone and speaks into it]'' Send down the plane, boys! We're blowing town! Literally. ''[gets off the phone]'' :'''Mayor''': But all those innocent people... :'''Joker''': Some joke on them, eh? Think of it as the ultimate punchline! Ha ha ha ha ha! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': It's lucky you were here, Quinn. The countdown sequence didn't leave Joker enough time to swing by Arkham and pick you up. :'''Joker''': Quiet, brat. :'''Harley''': You ''were'' gonna come for me, weren't you, Puddin'? :'''Joker''': Of course, pumpkin-pie! It's just that... well, here you are, so I can, err, save myself the trip! :'''Harley''': But what about all our friends, Ivy and Two-Face and... Hat-Guy and Lizard-Man and Puppet-Head and-- ''[Joker shoves her into the plane]'' :'''Joker''': What about them? :'''Batman''': Don't forget your little pets! :'''Harley''': ''[gasps]'' The babies! We can't leave the babies! :'''Joker''': ''[shoves Harley into the plane again]'' I'll buy you a goldfish! Let's go! :'''Harley''': ''[struggling]'' NO! :'''Joker''': Why, you little...! :''[Harley kicks him in the face]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley''': ''[points the gun against Joker]'' Freeze, clown! :'''Batman''': Quinn, stop! :'''Harley''': He's mine, Bats! :'''Joker''': ''[grinning]'' You wouldn't dare. You don't have the guts! Not in a million years would you-- :''[Harley pulls the trigger - and a flag that reads "Rat-Tat-Tat" comes out of the barrel. The Joker stares at her for a moment, and throws his arms wide to embrace her]'' :'''Joker''': Baby, you're the greatest! ===''Time Out Of Joint'' [2.8]=== :'''Mayor Hill''': You! How did you get past-- :'''The Clock King''': Good evening, Mayor! Nice to see you again too. And whose life are you ruining now? A poor pensioner? A malnourished orphan, perhaps? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Hill''': Please, Fugate, don't hurt me! :'''The Clock King''': If it's any comfort, my revenge will encompass more than just you. I intend to pass a most timely sentence on the entire judicial system. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': It's a shame that you've decided to keep this device a secret. :'''Dr. Wataki''': It would seem that the world is not quite ready for it yet. :'''Robin''': Gee, that's too bad for Fugate. I'm sure he'll wish he had something to make the days pass quicker where he's going. ===''Catwalk'' [2.9]=== :'''Scarface''': Calm down, pussycat. We're all friends here. ''[to the Ventriloquist]'' Dummy, don't keep our pretty guest in the dark. :'''Ventriloquist''': Yes, sir, Mr. Scarface. ''[turns on the lot, revealing him and Scarface]'' :'''Scarface''': Ah, that's better. :'''Selina Kyle''': ''[gasps]'' You gotta be kidding! ''[laughs]'' :'''Scarface''': What's she laughin' at? My fly ain't open, is it?! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, sir. :'''Scarface''': So what's the gag? :'''Selina Kyle''': Oh come on, you know! ''[in a goofy voice]'' "What's the gag?" :'''Scarface''': ''[aims his gun at Selina]'' Can it, sister! This is Scarface you're dealing with, and I don't stand for no disrespect. :'''Ventriloquist''': I'd do as he says, ma'am. Mr. Scarface can be quite insistent. :'''Scarface''': I don't think anyone's talking to you! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, sir. No, sir. :'''Selina Kyle''': Right... so, what do you want with me? :'''Scarface''': My boys happened to be in the museum when they saw your little set-to with Miss Ronnie V. They also seen you licking your whiskers at the sight of Ronnie's pretty sparklers. :'''Selina Kyle''': You're boring me, log. :''[the Ventrloquist pulls out an envelope from his coat]'' :'''Scarface''': So what if I could provide you with a foolproof plan to snatchin' those rocks with no risk of you gettin' caught? :'''Selina Kyle''': Pass. Kitty's been staying it at night. It's not the greatest, but it beats the pound, if you know what I mean. :'''Scarface''': Now, that's a darn shame. And I thought for sure you'd want a chance to get even with the Vreelands. Not just for yourself, ya understand, but for all those poor little stuffed critters what never had the chance to fight back. :'''Selina Kyle''': Oh, barf. :'''Scarface''': It's a 50/50 cut. Take it or leave it? You in or what? :''[Selina thinks about it for a while then picks up the envelope]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': What a pleasant surprise. Though I should warn you - breaking and entering is against the law. :'''Batman''': You would know. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarface''': [[w:Tweety|I thawt I thaw a putty tat!]] <hr width="50%"/> :''[Catwoman crushes Scarface under some logs]'' :'''Catwoman''': That's one way to remove a splinter. What's wrong, Ventriloquist? Cat got your tongue? :'''Ventriloquist''': Please, I never hurt you! Scarface, he's another person, not me, really! :'''Catwoman''': But he's inside you somewhere. And I'm going to keep scratching until I find him. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': [[w:Just So Stories|I am the cat who walks by herself.]] ===''Bane'' [2.10]=== :'''Thorne''': You almost didn't get paid. You're lucky these diamonds didn't get nabbed in the smuggling bust. :'''[[w:Bane (comics)|Bane]]''': No, Mr. Thorne. You are the lucky one. ''[He punches the punching bag across the room]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': He wrecked my car, Alfred. Between two guys, that's ''real'' personal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bane''': Toys. You try to fight me with pathetic little TOYS. You've got nothing! Beg for mercy! SCREAM MY NAME! :'''Batman''': Never. :'''Bane''': You are beaten! Now I will break you! ===''Baby-Doll'' [2.11]=== :'''Robin''': ''[on "Love That Baby"]'' I remember this show from when I was a kid. It still stinks. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At Wayne Manor, Summer Gleeson is on the telephone talking to Marv Wolfman at her office.]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': I don't care what Mayor Hill says. The people have a right to know, and if he won't talk to us-- ''[Batman drops a photo of Baby-Doll onto her desk]'' I'll call you back, Marv. ''[to Batman and Robin]'' Since when are you interested in has-been actors? :'''Batman''': Since that one's been kidnapping her co-stars. :'''Summer Gleeson''': You're serious? :'''Robin''': She's been picking them off, one by one. Any reason she'd have a grudge? :'''Summer Gleeson''': Actually, ''they'' should hate ''her.'' Dahl put them all out of work when she quit the series to become a "dramatic" actress. :''[Summer plays a video of Mary Dahl playing Lady Macbeth]'' :'''Mary Dahl''': What, will these hands never be clean? Here's the smell of the blood still. All the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand. :'''Robin''': Pee-yew! :'''Summer Gleeson''': That's what the critics said. Baby's dramatic career flopped, and when she tried to start her TV show again, the networks turned her down. :'''Batman''': That still doesn't explain why she's after her old cast. :'''Robin''': ''[picks up a cassette]'' Maybe there's a clue in these old episodes. :'''Summer Gleeson''': You can borrow them if you want. And when you crack the case, you can pay me back with an exclusive... ''[turns to see that they have gone]'' interview. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': Naughty, naughty, Daddys! Mustn't yell at your Baby like thats. :'''Tod Baker''': You're not my daughter, and we're not a family! We're actors, remember?! You cancelled our show because you whined you weren't getting enough attention! :'''Baby-Doll''': ''[putting on a sad face]'' But I knows now I made a boo-boo! ''[sniffles and breaks character]'' It was hard for me out there. I studied and trained and auditioned, but no one wanted me. ''[plays the sound of a crowd going "Aww..." on her tape recorder]'' Over the years, I remembered how happy I was with all of you around me, and the folks at home watching me each week. Me, ''[goes back into her "cute" voice]'' Baby-Doll! ''[giggles]'' Now I'm Baby for good, and everyone will love me agains! Hugs, hugs! :''[Her goons force the actors to share a hug with her, and she plays the "Aww..." again]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': ''[watching episodes of Baby Doll's old TV show]'' Remember that time Poison Ivy nearly smothered us in those vines, with the ''really'' sharp thorns? :'''Batman''': Yes. :'''Robin''': This is worse. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': ''[after her TV brother is rendered unconscious by her bodyguard]'' Sorry I had to play roughs, Tippy. I didn't mean to. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': ''[Mariam kicks Robin around]'' Wow, lady! You're good! :'''Mariam''': It's a living... <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman pursues Baby-Doll in a funhouse tunnel maze]'' :'''Baby-Doll''': Silly Mr. Batman can't catch me! :'''Batman''': Don't run away! I know you're scared, confused - I can help you! :'''Baby-Doll''': Liar, liar, cape on fire! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': Game's over, Mr. Batman! ''[laughs]'' I WIN! ''[Batman fires his grappling gun, knocking the doll-gun down a slide]'' No fair! ''[runs to retrieve it, and stumbles into a room full of fun-house mirrors. Picks up the gun, wandering through the various distorted reflections, until she comes to one that shows her as an adult]'' Look! That's me in there. The ''real'' me! There I am... ''[touches the reflection, and her face changes]'' ...But it's not ''really'' real, is it? Just... made up and pretend, like my family and my life and everything else! ''[turns to face Batman, who stands behind her]'' '''''WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST LET ME MAKE-BELIEVE?!''''' ''[fires at mirrors, and cries after breaking the mirror with her adult reflection. Batman approaches her]'' I didn't ''mean'' to... ===''The Lion And The Unicorn'' [2.12]=== :''[Alfred breaks a chair over a thug's head.]'' :'''Robin''': And here all I thought you dusted was furniture. :'''Alfred''': A [[w:Louis XV|Louis Quinze]]; what a pity. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred Pennyworth''': ''[after being drugged with a truth serum]'' You'll get nothing but gibberish out of me, madam. I come from haunts of cootenfern and knicker sudden Sally. Uh... dee-dum dee-dum dee-dum dee-dum, and bicker down the valley. :'''Red Claw''': And people wonder why no one takes Britain seriously anymore. ===''Showdown'' [2.13]=== :'''Sheriff''': Well, well. Jonah Hex, his own bad self. Been here five minutes and you ain't killed nobody nor set nothin' on fire. Slippin', ain't you? :'''[[w:Jonah Hex|Jonah Hex]]''': I'm still a little bushed. :'''Sheriff''': Fact is, you look a little past it, Hex. Not tired, just all used up. :'''Hex''': Well, when I get pushed, I can still shoot a fly out from between its wings. Provided the light's right, of course... and it's a big ''plump'' fly. :''[The sheriff glances down at his own portly figure. Two other bargoers retreat outside, sensing trouble.]'' :'''Sheriff''': I ain't got nothin' on you, Hex... yet. Just remember, them wanted posters say "dead or alive". You might try "alive" this time. :'''Hex''': First time for everything. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duvall''': It would appear we have ourselves a government spy. A rather disreputable-looking one at that. Well, Mr. Spy, I'd say your plan has failed, and the railroad is doomed. :'''Hex''': I ain't no spy! I'm Jonah Hex, and I don't give a tinker's cuss about no railroad. I've come to get ''you'', Arkady Duvall, on account of what you done to that girl back east. :'''Duvall''': ''[chuckles]'' You mean to say, you've tracked me across ''twelve states'' because of that? :'''Hex''': Well, there's also the matter of a 200 dollar reward. That part don't hurt my feelings none. :'''Duvall''': You're either a liar or a fool. :'''Hex''': I've been known to be foolish, but ain't ''nobody'' calls me a liar and goes to bed happy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hex''': Now! Let's you and me dance. :'''Duvall''': You cannot defeat me. I am a Heidelberg fencing champion. :'''Hex''': My heart's all a-flutter. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duvall''': Five thousand in gold, take it. Leave me be. :'''Hex''': It ain't about money, boy. It's about justice. And I aim to serve you some. :'''Duvall''': Let me live, please! :'''Hex''': I will. Only because it's too much trouble to haul your stinkin' carcass back east. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You left Duvall to his fate a century ago. Why come back for him now? :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Did you really think, detective, that in my six hundred years of life, I would have sired only ''one'' offspring? Even before the Phoenix debacle, I had come to realize that Arkady was too unbalanced and cruel to wisely rule my empire. :'''Batman''': But you couldn't forget about him. :'''Ra's al Ghul''': What father can ever forget his son? Come now, detective, I've still a few good years left. We will cross swords another day. But for now, let me take my boy home. ===''Riddler's Reform'' [2.14]=== :''[After learning about the theft of historical antiquities on TV]'' :'''Riddler''': ''[in Bruce's memory]'' Those are things of the past, Batman. Ancient history that's gone now. I'm a new man! But you probably won't figure that out before it's too late! ''[laughs]'' :'''Bruce''': ''He'' did it. :'''Dick''': Who? :'''Bruce''': The Riddler. Remember what he said: "Things of the past." "Ancient history that's gone now." Look! :'''Dick''': Gee, I don't know. His riddles aren't usually that subtle. Besides, he's got a multimillion dollar deal with that toy company. Why would he throw it away over some stupid riddle crime? :'''Bruce''': Because that's the way his warped mind works. He's obsessed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': He's right, you know. :'''Manny''': Who? :'''Riddler''': Batman. He ''is'' going to catch me, sooner or later. :'''Manny''': Gee, boss, you're scaring me. You're talking kinda crazy. :'''Riddler''': DON'T YOU ''EVER'' CALL ME THAT! I fooled the police, the doctors, the Parole Board - all of them! There's only one person who's ever been able to challenge me: ''BATMAN!'' He's the only one worthy of the game! :'''Manny''': But you said sooner or later he's gonna catch you. What are you gonna do? :'''Riddler''': I'm never going back to Arkham! So I guess there's only one thing to do! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': Hello, Batman. This is it: the end of the game. I'm a little sad actually. You were a worthy opponent. But then, I told you I'd make a ''killing'' at the Toy Fair! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': ''[ranting in a cell in Arkham]'' It's IMPOSSIBLE, I tell you! Impossible! My trap was perfect! How did he do it?! I have to know! SOMEBODY TELL ME! IT'S NOT FAIR! THERE WAS NO WAY, I TELL YOU! NO WAY HE COULD HAVE GOTTEN OUT! SOMEBODY TELL ME! DO YOU HEAR ME?! SOMEBODY TELL ME HOW HE DID IT! I HAVE TO KNOW! '''''I HAVE TO KNOOOOOOOOOW!!!''''' ===''Second Chance'' [2.15]=== :'''Penguin''': And what might ''you'' be doing out there? Catching insects for dinner? :'''Batman''': I'm looking for Two-Face. :'''Penguin''': What, did you lose him? ''[chuckles]'' :'''Batman''': Somebody kidnapped him from Gotham Central tonight. You and he had a disagreement sometime ago, didn't you? :'''Penguin''': It's true. Harvey stole a rare ''avis'' right out from under my beak several months ago. A jewel-encrusted statuette of a two-headed [[w:roc (mythology)|roc]]. It was worth millions. But, my dear rodent, I'd never kidnap a fellow rogue out of his sickbed. It just isn't done. :'''Batman''': Honour among thieves? :'''Penguin''': Absolutely. If I were going to attack Harvey, I'd do it face to face... to face, heh, so to speak. Like THIS! ''[laughs and unleashes his birds on Batman]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You may as well come out. I know everything now. :''[A man emerges, his identity obscured by shadows]'' :'''Batman''': You hated Harvey Dent, and would do anything to destroy him. :''[Lightning flashes, revealing the man to be Two-Face himself]'' :'''Two-Face''': Why not? He was going to destroy me. Just like I'm going to destroy you! ''[attacks him]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Harvey, pull yourself up! :'''Harvey''': I can't! I'll drop the coin! :'''Batman''': Drop it! Save yourself! :'''Harvey''': I... I don't know what to do. The coin won't tell me! :'''Batman''': It can't tell you anything! I switched coins when you grabbed me! :'''Robin''': ''[swings and kicks the thugs out of Batman's way]'' Good thing I decided to tag along after all. :'''Batman''': It's a trick coin! It'll always land on edge! It's ''your'' decision now, Harvey! Life or death? The coin or me? :''[Robin threw the batarang to hit the elevator button to send the thug in an elevator, thunderstruck and Harvey/Two-Face decided to drops the coin]'' :'''Harvey''': Batman, help me. :''[Batman tries to give Harvey a hand, but Two-Face suddenly regains control]'' :'''Two-Face''': Never! ''[punches Batman and falls]'' :'''Batman''': ''HARVEY!!!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harvey''': ''[seen in half-shadow, making him appear to once again be Harvey Dent instead of Two-Face]'' Bruce? Good old Bruce. Always there. You never give up on me. :''[Bruce Wayne smiles and pats Harvey's shoulder before he is escorted away]'' :'''Dick''': He's right. You're always there for him. :'''Bruce''': Yes, just like you're always there for me. :'''Dick''': Hey, what are friends for? ===''Harley's Holiday'' [2.16]=== :'''Scarecrow''': I am the Master of Fear! The Lord of Despair! Cower before me in witless terror! :'''Harley''': Hi, Professor Crane! :'''Scarecrow''': ''[Smiling fondly]'' Good evening, child. ''[To Batman and Robin, furiously]'' Worship me, you fools! Worship me! Scream hosannas of anguish to Scarecrow, the all-terrible God of Fear! ''[Guards take him away]'' :'''Robin''': I think he's getting better. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley''': I'm having a BAD DAY! I'm sick of people trying to shoot me, run me over and blow me up! I didn't even get to keep my new dress - I ACTUALLY PAID FOR IT! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman and Robin take Harley back to Arkham]'' :'''Harley''': ''[sadly]'' [[w:To market, to market|Home again, home again, diggity dig...]] :'''Dr. Joan Leland''': Not for too long, though. Ms. Vreeland dropped the kidnapping charges. With a little more hard work, you should be ready to re-enter society for good. :'''Harley''': Yay... ''[to Batman]'' There's one thing I've gotta know. Why'd you stay with me all day, risking your butt for someone who's never given you anything but trouble? :'''Batman''': I know what it's like to try and rebuild a life. ''[takes her dress out of a bag]'' I had a bad day too, once. :'''Harley''': ''[takes the dress, smiling]'' Nice guys like you shouldn't have bad days. ===''Lock-Up'' [2.17]=== :'''Scarecrow''': Don't take me back there, please! Look at me, Batman! I'm shaking with fear! Me! The Scarecrow! I wasn't even going back to crime this time! I just had to get away from... HIM! :'''[[w:Lock-Up (comics)|Lyle Bolton]]''': I'll take it from here, Batman. Lyle Bolton, Chief of security. Congratulations, Professor Crane. You're the first inmate to escape Arkham under my charge. ''[He grabs Crane by the collar; Crane whimpers]'' You're also the last. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bartholomew''': Miss Quinn? Do you have any complaints against Mr. Bolton? :''[Lyle Bolton sneers threateningly at Harley Quinn]'': :'''Harley Quinn''': I got nothing to say. :'''Bartholomew''': But surely you must have something you wish to- :'''Harley Quinn''': You got a hearing problem or something?! NO! NADA! IXNAY! ZERO! ZILCH! BUPKES! NOTHING! OKAY?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': He threatens us! Takes away our privileges, even when we're good! :'''[[w:Lock-Up (comics)|Lyle Bolton]]''': We've heard enough of this nonsense. :'''Jonathon Crane''': He says scum like us must be kept in line! That's why he chains us down at night and electrifies our doors! :'''Scarface''': He held me over a can filled with a termites! Ya hear me?! ''TERMITES!'' :'''Harley Quinn''': He's an animal! :'''Ventriloquist''': A monster! :'''Jonathon Crane''': Keep him away! :'''Lyle Bolton''': '''SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU!''' :''[The guards retrain Lyle Bolton, he kicks the table, resists the guards and attack and them; he threatens to kill the inmates, and Bruce Wayne trips him with the chair]'' :'''Lyle Bolton''': You're all scum! You should be beaten within an inch of your misbegotten lives! :'''Bartholomew''': I've seen enough! ''[pounds the gravel]'' Lyle Bolton, you're dismissed! :'''Lyle Bolton''': Before I came here, Arkham was a revolving door for every maniac in Gotham. ''I'' kept them in! '''ME!''' Now I realize I was wrong to punish those pathetic miscreants! '''THEY'RE ONLY SYMPTOMS! ''YOU'RE'' THE CAUSE! THE GUTLESS POLICE, MINDLESS BUREAUCRATS, AND CODDLING DOCTORS! YOU SHOULD ALL BE LOCKED UP IN A CAGE WITHOUT A KEY!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lock Up''': I could have rid Gotham of the fools in city hall and the police department! We could have made our own order! :'''Batman''': I was born to fight your brand of order! :'''Lock Up''': If that's your decision...! ===''Make 'Em Laugh'' [2.18]=== :'''Dispatcher''': Disturbance reported at the top of the Crown restaurant. Suspect is a male costumed extremist armed with what appears to be a... ketchup gun. :'''Batman''': It's going to be one of those nights. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Condiment King''': So long, suckers! Parting is such "sweet-and-sour" sorrow. ''[Batman yanks away his loot bag]'' What's this? Ah! The big bad Bat-guy. I knew you'd "ketchup" to me sooner or later. How I've "relished" this meeting. You, the dynamic Dark Knight, versus me, the conceptual Condiment King! Come, Batman. Let's see if you can "cut the mustard". :'''Batman''': Quiet! ''[punches the King in the stomach]'' :'''Condiment King''': ''[slumps to ground, gasping]'' You hit me! :'''Batman''': Now listen, Mustard Man, or whatever you call yourself. You're obviously new at this, so I'm willing to go easy on you, provided you give back the loot and never even think about doing this again. Deal? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Buddy's agent''': I don't get it. Buddy's just thrown his entire career away. The network's cancelling his show and the restaurant's suing him for a million dollars. Why did he do it? It just doesn't make sense. ===''Deep Freeze'' [2.19]=== :'''Batman''': Men like Walker are obsessed with getting their own way. And they don't let little things like the ''law'' stop them. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grant Walker''': Do you realize that in your half-frozen state, you will age more slowly than an ordinary human? You're practically immortal, my friend! :'''Mr. Freeze''': Yes, eternal life trapped in this wretched shell! What a miserable joke. :'''Grant Walker''': Miserable to you, but a godsend to me. Look at me, Mr. Freeze, I'm an old man. I've created wonders in my lifetime, but there is still so much to do! I want to change as you have. To become, like you, a being of blessed, eternal cold. :'''Mr. Freeze''': You're insane. :'''Grant Walker''': Only you know how to duplicate the accident that made you what you are. What I long to become! :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[grabs him]'' You want to live like this? Abandoned and alone? A prisoner in a world you can see but never touch? ''[drops him and turns away]'' Old and infirm as you are, I'd trade a thousand of my frozen years for your worst day. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grant Walker''': Every time I open a park, I get gatecrashers. :'''Batman''': We've seen your insane vision of the future, Walker. :'''Grant Walker''': My world will have no crime, violence or pain. :'''Robin''': You can add free will to that list too! :'''Grant Walker''': A small price to pay for order. :'''Batman''': ''Your'' order! For your select few! :'''Grant Walker''': Excuse me, but I fail to see the problem with that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You can't let Walker do this. Billions of people will perish! :'''Mr. Freeze''': That's not my concern. All that matters is I once again have my wife, and the means to restore her. :'''Batman''': She'll wake up in a dead, frozen world that ''you'' helped destroy. She'll ''hate'' you for that! :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''Silence.'' :'''Batman''': You think you're alone now? Wait until she learns the truth. :'''Mr. Freeze''': '''I SAID ''SILENCE!''''' ''[blasts at Batman and Robin, knocking them backward, then turns back to Nora with a saddened face]'' Forgive me... ''[frees Batman and Robin]'' Come, there is much to do. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Dick recovers from hypothermia]'' :'''Dick''': Man, if I spent any more time in that immersion tank, I'd be growing gills. :'''Bruce''': I'm just glad I was able to get you back here in time. :'''Dick''': Thanks. For a while I thought I'd end up like Walker, trapped in a ice cube forever. What about Mr. Freeze? Do you think he's gone for good? :'''Bruce''': I'm not sure. But if Freeze's condition has made him truly immortal... we may not have seen the last of him. ===''Batgirl Returns'' [2.20]=== :'''Catwoman''': Bats are just mice with wings, little girl. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Batgirl|Batgirl]]''': So, what are you going to do? Leave us over one of these vats with acid burning through the rope? :'''Daggett''': ''[Laughs]'' If there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's that you crime-fighting types are very resourceful. So, I'll just have my men shoot you and throw your bodies in the vats. == About ''{{PAGENAME}}'' == *'''PD''': If I had to differentiate between [Batman and Superman], I'd say Superman is sort of about hope. You've got this guy who's an alien and not truly human, but he personifies all the best qualities of humanity. He's sort of an example of what it would be nice to be like. We would all like to be like Superman. We would all like to have power, compassion, the ability to settle problems in a good way, and maybe [be able to] wink to ourselves about how nobody else besides us knows we really have this secret power and we keep it ourselves. There's not a lot of angst with Superman. If there is, it's more like, "I wish I could tell Lois who I really was." Batman is how you'd like to be if you [could] break someone's neck: "I'm pissed off, and I want to go out and do something about it." Superman waits for trouble to happen, and then he goes off and stops the problem. Batman's looking for trouble; he doesn't really start it, but he's out there looking. And if he sees something going on, he just jumps into the middle of it. :'''JA''': Batman's sort of a sociopath too. :'''PD''': He's absolutely a sociopath. He's a sociopath with a lot of money, and he's got a sense of right and wrong. I don't think he's totally bereft of some sort of compassion or feeling for some of the villains. He doesn't go after somebody like Mr. Freeze without a small bit of compassion for the man, or maybe someone like the Mad Hatter, or even Harley, whom he thinks is certainly a pain in the ass, but I think he kind of wishes she'd get her act together and wise up at some point. <br> But with darker characters like the Scarecrow and the Joker, he's basically out to make sure they never get out again - whatever it takes to take them down. Somebody like the Joker is probably the least human of all of Batman's Rogues Gallery. That was why I never wanted to do a story that humanizes the Joker, like we did with the Mad Hatter or Mr. Freeze, because I just don't think the character lends itself to that. He's almost supernatural in a way; he's somebody who's just thoroughly insane, who does what he wants to do, and who has a grudge against Batman. He probably likes horrifying people with his clownish appearance as much as Batman terrorizes criminals with his nightmare-like appearance. The Joker is pretty inhuman. I'd say the same thing about the Scarecrow. He is someone who really gets turned on by scaring people. He's like the anti-Batman. He's a weak, very unimposing man until he puts on the Scarecrow costume, and then goes out and gasses people with fear gas, and he watches them squirm. There's probably a big turn-on seeing people helpless in front of him screaming in fear. *'''PD''': When [[w:Tim Burton|Tim Burton]]'s ''[[Batman (1989 film)|Batman]]'' came out, that was the way to go. Now [[w:Joel Schumacher|Joel Schumacher]]'s [[Batman Forever|Batman]] is out there, and people are flocking to the movies, so they"re saying, "Can you lighten up the show a little bit? Can you have more fun with it?" So that's what we were charged with doing, and that's what we've done: to lighten up the color palette a little bit, so that every character's not just in dark colors. Robin, for instance, is now black, red, and gold, instead of green. Nightwing is black and a light, almost iridescent, blue. We've also given it a little more of a kid-friendly look. :* [[w:Paul Dini|Paul Dini]], [http://animationarena.com/batman_the_animated_series.html "Batman: The Animated Series"], ''Animation Arena''. * The thing with the Batman show—even though it's one of the most beautiful and well-written shows, and it really gets into Batman—is that it doesn't really move that fast. The fight scenes aren't that intense, and it doesn't really go actiony. There's a lot of walking and talking in it. It looks great, but it needs that kick of having action. And I think that's another thing that kids are picking up on: For the first time, you're actually seeing superheroes really fight bad guys. In a lot of the cartoons when I was growing up, like [[w:Super Friends|Super Friends]], there was no fighting of bad guys. They would just get sent off to jail. It was wacky, it was silly, it wasn't intense, and there wasn't real fighting and stuff in it. ** [[w:Craig McCracken|Craig McCracken]] [http://www.avclub.com/article/the-powerpuff-girls-13665 "The Powerpuff Girls"], Keith Phipps, ''A.V.Club'', Jun 21, 2000. == Cast == * [[Kevin Conroy]] - [[w:Batman|Bruce Wayne/Batman]] * [[w:Loren Lester|Loren Lester]] - [[w:Dick Grayson|Dick Grayson/Robin]] * [[w:Melissa Gilbert|Melissa Gilbert]] - [[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara Gordon/Batgirl]] * [[w:Clive Revill|Clive Revill]]/[[w:Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.|Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.]] - [[w:Alfred Pennyworth|Alfred Pennyworth]] * [[w:Bob Hastings|Bob Hastings]] - [[w:James Gordon (comics)|Commissioner James Gordon]] * [[w:Robert Costanzo|Robert Costanzo]] - [[w:Harvey Bullock (comics)|Detective Harvey Bullock]] * [[w:Ingrid Oliu|Ingrid Oliu]]/Liane Schirmer - [[w:Renee Montoya|Officer Renee Montoya]] * [[Mark Hamill]] - [[w:The Joker (comics)|The Joker]] * [[w:Arleen Sorkin|Arleen Sorkin]] - [[w:Harley Quinn|Dr. Harleen Quinzel/Harley Quinn]] * [[Paul Williams (songwriter)|Paul Williams]] - [[w:Penguin (comics)|Oswald Cobblepot/The Penguin]] * [[Adrienne Barbeau]] - [[w:Catwoman|Selina Kyle/Catwoman]] * [[w:John Glover (actor)|John Glover]] - [[w:Riddler|Edward Nygma/The Riddler]] * [[w:Richard Moll|Richard Moll]] - [[w:Two-Face (comics)|Harvey Dent/Two-Face]] * [[w:George Dzundza|George Dzundza]] - [[w:The Ventriloquist (comics)|Arnold Wesker/The Ventriloquist/Scarface]] * [[w:Henry Silva|Henry Silva]] - [[w:Bane (comics)|Bane]] * [[w:Aron Kincaid|Aron Kincaid]] - [[w:Killer Croc|Killer Croc]] * [[w:Marc Singer|Marc Singer]] - [[w:Man-Bat|Dr. Kirk Langstrom/Man-Bat]] * [[w:Ron Perlman|Ron Perlman]] - [[w:Clayface|Matt Hagen/Clayface]] * [[w:Diane Pershing|Diane Pershing]] - [[w:Poison Ivy (comics)|Dr. Pamela Isley/Poison Ivy]] * [[w:Henry Polic II|Henry Polic II]] - [[w:Scarecrow (DC comics)|Dr. Jonathan Crane/The Scarecrow]] * [[w:Roddy McDowall|Roddy McDowall]] - [[w:Mad Hatter|Dr. Jervis Tetch/The Mad Hatter]] * [[w:Michael Ansara|Michael Ansara]] - [[w:Mr. Freeze|Dr. Victor Freeze/Mr. Freeze]] * [[David Warner (actor)|David Warner]] - [[w:Ra's al Ghul|Ra's al Ghul]] ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} {{Batman}} [[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated superhero TV shows]] [[Category:Animated Batman TV shows]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Animated television programs based on Detective Comics]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Fox Broadcasting Company animated television series]] [[Category:Television series by Warner Bros. Animation]] q5pc64rv98mut88xv61eto4tbbsz2vp 3778909 3778908 2025-07-14T22:34:18Z 81.151.41.137 /* Christmas With The Joker [1.2] */ 3778909 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Batman-_The_Animated_Series_logo.svg|thumb|I am [[vengeance]]. I am the [[night]]. I am, '''[[Batman|BATMAN]]'''!]] {{italic title}} '''''[[W:Batman: The Animated Series|Batman: The Animated Series]]''''' is an American animated superhero television series based on the [[DC Comics]] superhero Batman. It was succeeded by ''[[The Adventures of Batman & Robin]]'' and ''[[The New Batman Adventures]]''; the first production in the [[w:DC Animated Universe|DC Animated Universe]]. ==Season 1== ===''On Leather Wings'' [1.1]=== :'''Batman''': ''[reading the paper]'' "Gotham Police Declare War on Batman"? :'''Alfred''': I gather you've been reading ''[[w:How to Win Friends and Influence People|How to Make Friends and Influence People]]''? :'''Batman''': Somebody's setting me up. :'''Alfred''': My heavens. You mean it ''wasn't'' you tossing guards out of windows last night? :'''Batman''': ''[amused]'' I only toss butlers, Alfred. <hr width='50%'/> :'''[[w:Rene Auberjonois|Dr. March]]''': You donate a few million, and you think you own the place. I understand I'm to analyse something for you? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Yeah, doc. See, I keep hearing squeaks in my chimney, and I found these in my empty fireplace. They look like hairs. I thought maybe you could tell me if I have a bat problem. :'''Dr. March''': And what if they are bats, Mr. Wayne? What then? Destroy them like insects? We won't survive the next evolutionary cataclysm, but bats will! They're survivors, Mr. Wayne, not pests! You should understand that! <hr width='50%'/> :'''Dr. Kirk Langstrom''': ''[enters laboratory upon hearing noises]'' Who's back there? ''[spots Batman]'' You...! :'''Batman''': I'm looking for Dr. March. :'''Langstrom''' He's not here, Batman. :'''Batman''': Where is he? :'''Langstrom''': Giving a lecture on human extinction and bat evolution. He's really quite brilliant. :'''Batman''': He's misguided, and a thief. ''[holds up a vial of the serum]'' :'''Langstrom''': He's just a theorist, he was afraid to put it to the test. But I wasn't. I knew he'd discovered a formula to create a totally new species, neither man nor bat. And once I started taking it, I couldn't stop. I desperately wanted to, but... ''it'' took over. Francine and March tried to protect me, but it was too late. The beast knew what chemicals were needed to bring itself about! It was out of my control! And it only needs one more component to complete the process! ''[voice lowering]'' It's in ''ME'', Batman! ''[laughs maniacally and begins to change into Man-Bat]'' <hr width='50%'/> :'''Bullock''': Let's go! :'''Lieutenant''': I can’t do it, sir! :'''Bullock''': Whaddaya mean "you can’t do it"?! :'''Lieutenant''': I just got word not to let you up without the Commissioner! :'''Bullock''': Who told you that?! :'''Lieutenant''': The Commissioner! ''[points at Gordon as he arrives]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Get out, Detective! The Mayor may not let me fire you, but I am ''not'' taking the heat for your fiasco! :'''Bullock''': This is my case, Commissioner! You heard the Mayor! :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Then why don't you go take it up with him?! I've got a job to do! If you wanna tag along, fine! ''[gets into the helicopter]'' Take her up, Lieutenant! :'''Bullock''': ''[trying to clamber in as it takes off]'' Hey! Wait for me! ===''Christmas With The Joker'' [1.2]=== :''[the Arkham Asylum inmates practice signing Jingle Bells as other inmates set up a giant Christmas tree]'' :'''Joker''': Jingle bells! Batman smells! Robin laid an egg! ''[gets a tree-topper and climbs to install it]'' The Batmobile lost a wheel and the Jo-ker got a-wa-a-a-ay! ''[attaches the ornament and the Christmas Tree ignites, revealed as a rocket. Joker clambers at it launches]'' Crashing through the roof! In a one-horse-open tree! Busting out I go! Laughing all the WHEEEEE! ''[the "rocket-tree" flies off into the distance as he sings]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the Christmas with the Joker show]'' :'''Joker''': Rumor has it, Christmas is a time to share with family. :'''Laugh track''': Yea! :'''Joker''': And since I don't have one of my own... :'''Laugh track''': Aww... :'''Joker''': I decided to STEAL one! :'''Laugh track''': Yea! :'''Joker''': And here they are: The Awful Lawful Family! ''[lights turn on and reveal Gordon, Summer, and Bullock tied up and gagged]'' Aren't they just the cutest family you've ever seen? :'''Batman''': ''[watching in the Batmobile]'' It's never easy with the Joker. :'''Joker''': Meet Daddy Lawful! ''[ungags Gordon]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': YOU DISEASED MANIAC! I'LL- ''[Joker gags him again]'' :'''Joker''': Hmm. Looks like I'll have to teach Daddy some manners. And here's Mommy Lawful! ''[ungags Summer]'' :'''Summer Gleason''': HELP! SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP US- ''[Joker gags her again]'' :'''Joker''': Ho ho ho, isn't she jolly? And here we have little Baby Lawful! Coochie coochie coo! ''[ungags Bullock]'' :'''Detective Bullock''': WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, I'LL RIP YOUR- ''[Joker gags him again]'' :'''Joker''': I'll bet Batman wishes he had a family just like mine. Personally I think relatives are a bore, so Batman can have them... ''[points to clock showing 10:30PM] if'' he can find them by midnight! Otherwise... ''[makes a throat-slashing motion and laughs]'' ===''Nothing To Fear'' [1.3]=== :''[Bruce is introduced to Dr. Long and he offers a handshake]'' :'''Dr. Long''': ''[looks at hand and pouts off]'' Your father and I attended university together. He had big plans for you. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Well, I guess he'd be pleased. Wayne Industries is more prosperous than ever. :'''Dr. Long''': Pleased? When your father was alive, Wayne was a name that commanded great respect. Now all Wayne stands for is a self-centered jet-setting playboy. It's lucky your father didn't live to see what you've done to his good name. He'd have died of shame. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Scarecrow sprays a security guard with gas]'' :'''Guard''': Stop! What the-- No! No, spiders! Get them offa me! No! NO! ''[cowers in fear]'' :'''Anthony''': What did you do to him, boss? :'''[[w:Scarecrow (DC Comics)|Scarecrow]]''': I merely helped him visualize his innermost terror, which is obviously [[w:arachnophobia|arachnophobia]]. :'''Nigel''': A-whack-a-what? :'''Scarecrow''': Arachnophobia! Fear of spiders, you dimwitted dropout! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': It seems I have underestimated the Batman, but at least the University is finished. :'''Anthony''': Gee, boss, I never liked school, but, uh, how come you hate the university so much? :'''Scarecrow''': They tried to destroy me. :'''Nigel''': You mean they kicked you out 'cause you weren't smart enough? :'''Scarecrow''': No, you simpleton! ''[pinches Nigel's broken nose]'' :'''Nigel''': Ow! :'''Scarecrow''': I taught there. I was a professor of psychology, specializing in phobias. Inducing terror has always intrigued me. Even as a boy, I loved to frighten things. People, animals, it was all the same. I became obsessed with fear's crippling power. Later, when I became their leading Professor of Subliminal Psychology at the University, I began performing experiments on fear and its subsequent effects. Dr. Long thought I went too far - he called me a lunatic. So now, they will learn the true nature of horror! :'''Anthony''': ''[to Nigel]'' Wow, he's a real professor. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman has been exposed to Scarecrow's fear toxin]'' :'''Thomas Wayne''': Bruce... :'''Batman''': No... not now... :'''Thomas Wayne''': You are a disgrace! ''[turns into the [[w:Grim Reaper|Grim Reaper]]]'' :'''Batman''': No... You are NOT my father. I am NOT a disgrace! I am vengeance, I am the night. I...AM...'''BATMAN!''' ===''The Last Laugh'' [1.4]=== :'''Summer Gleeson''': I'm here in Downtown Gotham where corporate CEOs have gone stark, raving mad. It would appear that the collapse of the stock market is now imminent. The question is: Will [[April Fools' Day]] mark the end of Gotham City as we know it? :'''Joker''': The only things gaining now are the laughing stocks! ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[After trapping Batman in a sealed garbage can]'' :'''Joker''': I just love these new Ziploc seals! We wouldn't want our little caged rodent to suffocate, so we'll just ''[draws a knife]'' PUNCH SOME AIRHOLES! ''[laughing, he stabs holes in the can, with Batman being forced to dodge each one]'' Okay, Captain! Give 'er the old heave-ho! ''[Captain Clown salutes and throws the can into the river, where it starts to flood and sink]'' Oops! Looks like our airholes are waterholes too! ''[smirking at the viewer]'' What a shame! ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Justice is served hot, Batman! You're going to melt just like a grilled-cheese sandwich! :''[The Joker tries to send Batman falling into the furnace with a cascade of garbage, but Batman escapes and swings to safety on his grappling hook]'' :'''Batman''': Justice ''will'' be served, Joker. :'''Joker''': Service with a SMILE?! ''[tosses a razor card at Batman, who dodges it just in time]'' :'''Batman''': Clean up your act, Joker. :'''Joker''': Oh, that's a joke, right? Batman finally told a joke! ''[laughing, the Joker draws another card and flings it, but Batman catches it with a smirk. With a gasp of shock, the Joker tries to flee, but gets his food caught on a cable and he ends up dangling over the furnace]'' BATMAN! YOU WOULDN'T LET ME FRY, WOULD YOU?! ''[Batman leans on the railing, pretending to consider it] '''BATMAN!''' [Batman pulls him up]'' ===''Pretty Poison'' [1.5]=== :'''Dent''': So, what do you think? :'''Bruce''': Does she have a sister? :'''Dent''': Nope. Pam's one of a kind. That's why I asked her to marry me. :'''Bruce''': ''[spits out his water upon hearing this]'' WHAT?! :'''Dent''': Yup, that's the page one headline. Hey... is it starting to get warm? :'''Bruce''': You're still flushed from that last kiss. Harvey, you just met her last week! :'''Dent''': And I already know she's the one. Gosh, it's hot in here... :'''Bruce''': Marriage is a major step, Harvs. Don't you think you're rushing it? :'''Dent''': No way. The moment I laid eyes on Pam, her love hit me right in the face. ''[falls right into the food he ordered]'' :'''Bruce''': ''[laughs]'' Harvey, you've lost your mind. Knock it off. ''[sees him unresponsive]'' Harv? Harvey! ''[Later sees Harvey carried into an ambulance and climbs inside]'' Hang on, Harvey. Hang on. <hr width=50%"/> :'''Bullock''': So what'd you put in this mousse?! :'''Chef''': Chocolate, sugar, eggs, cream... :'''Bullock''': STRYCHNINE?! :'''Chef''': No, no, no strychnine. But I added just a pinch of vanilla. :'''Bullock''': ''[turns to a waiter, frustrated]'' You know who did it?! TALK! :'''Waiter''': Hey, I just clean the dishes, okay? <hr width=50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[chuckles]'' Batman! A late night rendezvous? To what do I owe the honor? :'''Batman''': ''[struggling against Ivy's giant flytrap]'' Harvey Dent! :'''Poison Ivy''': Oh, the poor district attorney. I hear he's not expected to live. Oh, it's so sad... ''[feigns crying, which quickly turns to insane laughter]'' :'''Batman''': Why, Isley? :'''Poison Ivy''': Oh, please, call me Poison Ivy. You see, Harvey had to pay for his crime. :'''Batman''': What crime? :'''Poison Ivy''': Why, murder, of course! Plowing up a field of beautiful wildflowers for that silly penitentiary of his. This little rose would be extinct today if I hadn't saved my precious from those horrible bulldozers! The blood of those flowers are on his hands! ''[calms down after her tantrum]'' So his fate was sealed ''[applies lipstick]'' ...with a kiss. And now, so is yours. ''[Ivy's plant holds Batman still as she kisses him; he tries to spit away the poison]'' Oh, what's wrong? Afraid I have cooties? ''[laughs]'' Oh, now you've gone and hurt my feelings. Too bad. I was going to share the antidote with you. ''[opens a bottle and waves it under his nose]'' Lovely fragrance, don't you think? ''[applies a drop to her face]'' I call it "Rose From the Dead". <hr width=50%"/> :''[In a cell in Arkham]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': They can bury me in the ground, as deep as they like. But I'll grow back. ''[to her rose]'' We ''always'' grow back. Don't we, baby? ===''The Underdwellers'' [1.6]=== :'''Sewer King''': Lesson number one is: NOOOOO TAAAALKING! Children are to be seen and not heard. We are the Underdwellers. We are the silent ones. We follow the invisible creed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sewer King''': Frog! The rolls, if you please. :''[Another boy nervously steps over with them; the Sewer King grabs his wrist angrily]'' :'''Sewer King''': You're not Frog! Where is he?! He's not here! ''[smacks the bowl of rolls away]'' NOT HERE! And after all I've done for you ungrateful little monsters! I took you in when nobody else would have you! It is I who care for you! I who provide for you! And only I WHO KNOWS WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU! Would you rather I sent you back into the light? Back to those who hurt you, and sent you away? :''[The children tearfully shake their heads; the Sewer King pushes the dinner table over with a loud crash]'' :'''Sewer King''': THERE WILL BE NOTHING TO EAT UNTIL FROG IS FOUND! NOW OUT WITH YOU! ''OUT WITH YOU!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I don't know what kind of barbarian did this to you, but it's over. And from now on, you'll be treated like human beings. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sewer King''': ''[clapping]'' Bravo. Bravo. You've caused me great distress, you evil bat, yes, yes, yes, you have! You've hurt my pretty pets, and you've frightened my beloved children! :'''Batman''': ''[incredulous and disgusted]'' "Beloved children"?! :'''Sewer King''': Yes! I feed them, I clothe them, I discipline them, and I teach them a trade! And now, I will teach ''you'' something! :''[He stamps on Batman's hands, but Batman swings under the pipe and kicks him from behind, causing him to fall off]'' :'''Batman''': Grab my hand! :'''Sewer King''': ''NEVER!'' :''[He falls into the water, where the alligators close in and seemingly devour him]'' :'''Batman''': A gruesome fate for a gruesome man. :''[He hears the Sewer King laughing, and sees him with the alligators, unharmed]'' :'''Sewer King''': I rather enjoyed it! I told you, they're my pretties! ''[pets one, laughing]'' Have a nice swim! :''[Batman swings over to chase him, narrowly missing the alligators' jaws]'' :'''Batman''': Later. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman pulls the Sewer King out of the way of an oncoming train]'' :'''Sewer King''': Why? Why?! ''Why?!'' :'''Batman''': ''[seething with anger]'' I don't pass sentence. That's for the courts. But this time - ''this time'' - I am ''sorely tempted'' to do the job myself! ===''P.O.V.'' [1.7]=== :''[after Batman grapples up a crane with Officer Montoya to safety]'' :'''Batman''': Are you alright? :''[Machine gun bullets hit around Batman and Officer Montoya, causing both of them to duck]'' :'''Officer Montoya''': Dandy. :'''Batman''': Then don't go away. :'''Officer Montoya''': ''[Batman leaves as more machine gun bullets hit. Montoya stays down]'' Count on it. <hr width="50%"/> :''[after Commissioner Gordon congratulates Officer Montoya for foiling the dock heist with Batman's aid]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': I have to hand it to you, Montoya. You and the Batman really turned this thing around. :'''Patrolman Wilkes''': Yeah, what a [[wikt:collar|collar]]! You didn't just bust 'em, you put the whole gang out of commission. ''[Lieutenant Hackle appears to accuse Montoya]'' :'''Lieutenant Hackle''': What collar? She's suspended! ''[Gordon angrily grabs Heckle]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': This [[wikt:farce|farce]] has gone far enough, Hackle! We apprehended the suspects and recovered our money. The investigation is closed! ''[He grabs three confiscated police badges out of Hackle's suit pocket and shoves him aside. He hands the badges to Officer Montoya]'' Officer Montoya earned this collar. :'''Officer Montoya''': The collar belongs to all three of us, Commissioner. It was a team effort. ''[Montoya accepts hers and hands Wilkes back his badge]'' :'''Patrolman Wilkes''': Gee... thanks, partner! :'''Detective Bullock''': ''[grumbling under his breath]'' Yeah, yeah... :'''Officer Montoya''': What was that, Bullock? ''[happily gives badge to Bullock]'' :'''Detective Bullock''': ''[reluctantly hesitates, accepts his badge]'' I said... Thanks a lot, Montoya. ===''The Forgotten'' [1.8]=== :'''Bruce''': What is this? :'''Smith''': If it's moving, it's a rat. If it isn't, it's a cooked rat. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': ''[Alfred flies the Batwing to the tracking device's location]'' This must be the place! Bring us down! :'''Batwing Computer''': Negative. :'''Alfred''': ''[pressing buttons madly]'' But Master Bruce is down there! We HAVE to land! :'''Computer''': Impossible. Area too confined. :'''Alfred''': ''[pounds the console]'' Land, you bucket of bolts! :'''Computer''': Your funeral. :'''Alfred''': Oh, dear...! ''[The Batwing flies down abruptly. Bruce, escaping the mine, sees the Batwing fly over]'' :'''Bruce''': ''[Smiles]'' Son of a gun! :''[The Batwing reaches a flat area near Bruce and lands. The cockpit opens.]'' :'''Computer''': Watch your step. :'''Alfred''': ''[tumbles out, dazed]'' [[w:Juan Rodriguez Cabrillo|I-I-I claim this land... for Spain]]. ''[collapses]'' ===''Be A Clown'' [1.9]=== :'''Jordan''': How can I get to be a great magician like you, Jekko? :'''"Jekko"''': Well, there are three steps! Step one: run away. Step two: find a magician with a great act. And step three: ''steal it.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Summer Gleason''': ''[reporting on TV]'' Denying reports of a bomb blast at his son's birthday party, Mayor Hill insists the explosion was caused by faulty electrical wiring. :'''"Jekko"''': Yeah! RIGHT! ''[laughs]'' :'''Summer Gleason''': The Mayor declined, however, to confirm that his son Jordan was missing. :'''"Jekko"''': Missing? :'''Jordan''': ''[coming into view]'' It's me, Jekko. I ran away. :'''"Jekko"''': You did '''WHAT?!?''' :'''Jordan''': I want to be a magician, like you. :'''"Jekko"''': Why, you... ''[laughs]'' Well, kid, you got step one right! Come on in. I've been thinking about a protégé. <hr width="50%"/> :'''"Jekko"''': ''[sees Batman approaching on a monitor]'' Well, if it ain't the Caped Coconut... :'''Jordan''': My dad says Batman's no good. :'''"Jekko"''': Well, then I guess your dad's not a ''total'' idiot! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman is trapped inside a tank filled with water, complete with a straitjacket and leg restraints]'' :'''"Jekko"''': For your viewing pleasure, we present... the infamous water tank trap! The great [[w:Harry Houdini|Houdini]] survived such a test. Dare we demand less of the Batman?! :'''Jordan''': I don't like this, Jekko... :'''"Jekko"''': Quiet, kid, it's a free ticket. :''[Batman manages to free the sleeves of the jacket]'' :'''Jordan''': ''[clapping]'' He did it! He got free! :'''"Jekko"''': They don't make straitjackets like they used to. ''[grinning]'' I should know... :''[Batman wriggles out of the jacket and undoes the leg restraints, but struggles to break the glass]'' :'''Jordan''': He can't get out! What's the trick? :'''"Jekko"''': That's just it! THERE IS NO TRICK! :'''Jordan''': No! He'll drown! :''[Jordan grabs an axe and strikes the side of the tank to try and free Batman, but "Jekko" takes the axe away]'' :'''"Jekko"/Joker''': That's why they call it a finale! ''[throws down the axe and discards his Jekko the Clown mask]'' Now sit down and enjoy the show! ===''Two-Face Part 1'' [1.10]=== :''[Dent's raid on Thorne has been aborted by the judge due to supposed lack of reliable evidence]'' :'''Dent''': No! NO! '''I SPENT ''THREE MONTHS'' ON THAT RAID!''' He can't overturn! The fool! HE'S ''BEEN BOUGHT! LIKE ALL THE REST!'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[tries to restrain him]'' Harvey, please try to calm down. This sort of behavior doesn't run well with the voters- :'''Dent''': ''LET GO OF ME, YOU RICH TWIT!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dent''': Stealing someone's psychiatric file is pretty low, Thorne! Even for a swine like you! :'''[[w:John Vernon|Rupert Thorne]]''': But it makes for such fascinating reading. Listen to this, boys. Says here that when Harvey was a little boy, he was bothered by a bully. Every day the bully would bug him after school, until one day little Harvey got so mad, he slugged him one. :'''Thorne's Thugs''': Oooh! :'''Rupert Thorne''': Of course, the bully ran away, which made little Harvey very proud. Until he heard that the bully was in the hospital. :'''Candace''': That was some punch. :'''Rupert Thorne''': ''[chuckles]'' That's what Harvey thought. Except the guy was in the hospital for appendicitis! ''[chuckles again]'' But poor Harvey felt so guilty, he never showed his anger again. And that was the start of "Big Bad Harv". :'''Dent''': What do you want? :'''Rupert Thorne''': Just a few favors from the D.A.'s office. :'''Dent''': You're dreaming. :'''Rupert Thorne''': Otherwise, as a concerned citizen, I'd be compelled to give this to the press. After all, the people of Gotham have a right to know the kind of person... or should I say "persons", they've elected. So, what do you say, Harvey? Do we have a deal? :''[Harvey's face has contorted in building rage the entire time, but suddenly relaxes into deceptive docility]'' :'''Dent''': There's just one problem. :'''Rupert Thorne''': What's that? :'''Dent''': ''[in Big Bad Harv's voice]'' '''''You're talking to the wrong Harvey.''''' ===''Two-Face Part 2'' [1.11]=== :''[In a nightmare, Harvey is being chased by a dark shadow. He suddenly realizes he is standing on a collapsing wooden bridge]'' :'''Harvey Dent''': Stay back! ''[the shadow reveals itself to be Batman, pleading for Harvey's help]'' :'''Batman''': Harvey, please, let me help you! :'''Harvey Dent''': You?! You saw what was happening! You knew that something was terribly wrong with me! I thought you were my friend! You should have been able to help me--but you didn't! ''[Harvey covers his face with his two hands, now transformed into Two-Face]'' :'''Two-Face''': ''NOW LOOK AT ME!!'' :'''Batman''': But I tried, Harvey. I... ''[the bridge pulls itself apart, causing Two-Face to fall off]'' Harvey! :'''Two-Face''': ''[Plummets into an abyss of glowing red light] WHY COULDN'T YOU SAVE ME...?!!'' :''[Batman looks down the edge and gasps with horrified shock. He instead sees his late parents Thomas and Martha Wayne underneath a single lamppost. They both raise their heads in sadness]'' :'''Thomas Wayne''': Why couldn't you save us, son? :''[Bruce wakes up, sweating with fear. He then turns to a photo of Two-Face from a newspaper]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': So what are you dreaming tonight, Harvey? Peaceful dreams? Nightmares? Maybe both at once. Sleep well, my friend. Whether you are, whatever you've become... I ''will'' save you. I swear. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Two-Face''': This is my world now. A dichotomy of order and chaos - just like me. :'''Grace''': Harvey, what's happened to your mind, your feelings? You used to listen to your feelings. :'''Two-Face''': ''[flipping his coin]'' This is what I listen to now. ''Chance,'' Grace. Chance is everything. Whether you're born or not, whether you live or die, whether you're good or bad... it's all arbitrary. :'''Grace''': That's nonsense, Harvey. Was it chance that made you District Attorney? Was it chance that made you fall in love with me? Take control of your life, Harvey. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Two-Face grabs a tommy gun and aims at a defenceless Thorne]'' :'''Rupert Thorne''': No! Two-Face, don't! ''[to Batman]'' You can't let him! :'''Grace''': Harvey! What are you doing?! :'''Two-Face''': Taking control of my life. :'''Batman''': Let the law handle it. :'''Two-Face''': "The law"?! ''[takes out his coin]'' Here's the only law! The law of averages! The great equalizer! :''[Two-Face flips the coin, but Batman throws out a crate of other coins, and Two-Face's is lost among them as they spill out]'' :'''Two-Face''': ''[horrified and panicked]'' NO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! ''[searches through them frantically]'' My coin! Where is it?! I can't decide without...! Oh no, it's ''gotta'' be here, it's ''gotta! [shrieks with anguish]'' '''''I HAVE TO HAVE IT!!!''''' :''[He continues to scream, swiping the coins aside before collapsing in tears; Grace gently comforts him]'' :'''Grace''': It's all right now, Harvey. I'm here. ===''It's Never Too Late'' [1.12]=== :'''Father Michael Stromwell''': Arnold? That's one soul I wish I could give up on. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arnold Stromwell''': I don't need your help! :'''Michael Stromwell''': Is that a fact? An empire crumbling? A marriage shattered? A son lost? Sure, you're doing fine. ===''I've Got Batman In My Basement'' [1.13]=== :''[after Penguin's goons successfully steal a [[w:Fabergé egg|Fabergé egg]] on a tall building]'' :'''Goon 1''': ''[chuckles]'' A piece of cake, just like the boss said. :'''Goon 2''': Yeah, all it took was five minutes. ''[Batman makes his surprise appearance to the goons]'' :'''Batman''': And that'll get you five ''years''... ''[pause]'' with good behavior. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Be-fowled by a couple of fledgelings! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Grant''': Sherman, what are you doing down there? :'''Sherman''': Nothing, Mom! :'''Mrs. Grant''': You're not trying to make gunpowder again, are you? :'''Sherman''': No, Mom! Honest! :'''Roberta''': We just saved Batman's life, Mrs. Grant, and now we're hiding him from some bad criminals. :'''Mrs. Grant''': That's good, just don't make a mess. ''[leaves]'' :'''Sherman''': Nice going, Miss Big Mouth. :'''Roberta''': ''[shrugging]'' Sorry, Sherman, I guess I panicked. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Gentlemen - and I use the term loosely - after you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Eurgh, how bourgeois. Tearing this place apart could only improve it! Let the egg hunt begin! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Grant''': Young man, you've got some serious explaining to do! ''[sees Batman and the defeated Penguin and gasps]'' :'''Sherman''': Err, Mom, I'd like you to meet Batman. Batman, this is my mom. :'''Batman''': Ma'am. :'''Mrs. Grant''': Oh, hello... :'''Sherman''': Say, Batman, you wouldn't be single, would you? ===''[[w:Heart of Ice (Batman: The Animated Series)|Heart of Ice]]'' [1.14]=== :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[gazes at the ballerina snow globe]'' This is how I'll always remember you. Surrounded by [[winter]] forever young, forever beautiful. Rest well, my love. The monster who took you from me will soon learn that [[revenge]] is a dish... ''[opens his eyes through his red goggles]'' best served '''cold'''. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman infiltrates an office in GothCorp headquarters and sees a classified file with a videotape and medical records of a woman named Nora Fries. He plays the tape on a nearby VCR]'' :'''Victor Fries''': ''[on the tape]'' My name is Doctor Victor Fries. I am recording what I pray would be mankind's first step toward immortality. ''[camera pans to a large machine with a glass capsule and a woman inside it]'' Behind me, you see the CC-100, a cryogenic freezing chamber of my own design. I created it for the express purpose of freezing subjects stricken with inoperable ailments. Subjects like... my own beloved wife, Nora. Once a remedy has been found-- ''[reacts to a loud banging on the door]'' :'''Ferris Boyle''': ''[Behind the door]'' Open this door! Open it now! ''[A security guard kicks the door down, Ferris and another guard step into the room. Boyle confronts Fries angrily.]'' Get away from that equipment! ''[Orders his guards]'' Shut this stuff down. :'''Fries''': ''[Panicked]'' Stop! This is my experiment! :'''Boyle''': Your ''unauthorized'' experiment. I ordered funding suspended weeks ago! I'm already three million in debt thanks to you! :'''Fries''': You can't stop it now! My wife is in there! :'''Boyle''': So bring her out! :'''Fries''': You can't interrupt the process now! :'''Boyle''': ''[unmoved; to guard]'' Open it. :'''Fries''': ''[desperately holds on to Boyle]'' It's her only chance! :'''Boyle''': ''[shrugs off Fries]'' This is MY equipment! ''MINE!'' I have every legal right to use it or not use it as I see fit. I say this project ends ''now!'' :'''Fries''': ''[grabs pistol from security guard and aims it at Ferris]'' '''NO!''' Stay away from her, murderer! :'''Boyle''': ''[tries to act charming to Fries]'' Victor... I'm sorry... I lost my temper. It doesn't have to come to this. We can talk! ''[Fries calms down and Boyle kicks him into a table of cryonic chemicals. Victor screams in pain as the cloud of volatile chemicals engulf him. Boyle steps away in fear and runs out of the room with his guards]'' Get out. Get out! :'''Fries''': ''[Clinging to his freezing chamber, screaming through the glass] Nora! NORA...! [passes out. The tape ends]'' :'''Batman''': ''[Horrified]'' My God! :''[A voice rings out--it's Mr. Freeze, who just snuck in the room]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': Yes. It would move me to tears, if I still had tears to shed. ''[freezes Batman with his cryo-gun]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mr. Freeze raids the award ceremony and confronts Ferris Boyle, who is receiving a humanitarian award]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': The cold eyes of vengeance are upon you, Boyle. :'''Ferris Boyle''': Who...who ''are'' you?! :'''Mr. Freeze''': Come, now. Surely you remember your old colleague... Victor Fries? :''[Mr. Freeze aims and fires his freezing gun at Boyle's feet, ice slowly covering up his legs to his waist]'' :'''Boyle''': ''[cries in pain]'' NO! No...! Stop... please... I... b-beg you! ''[Mr. Freeze stops his freezing gun for a moment of clarity]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': You... ''beg?'' In my nightmares I see my Nora behind the glass, begging to me with frozen eyes. How I've longed to see that look frozen on you. :''[Batman batarangs Mr Freeze's cryo-gun and attacks him. Mr Freeze overpowers Batman and throws him off]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': The advanced circuitry that powers my suit also triples my strength! ''[engages Batman, and lifts him off the ground]'' Sooner or later, all who stand in my way must feel the icy touch of death! :''[Mr. Freeze is about to kill Batman, but collapses when Batman smashes his glass helmet with a thermos full of chicken soup given to him by Alfred earlier]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': ''[walks next to Batman]'' Ooh...! What was that stuff? :'''Batman''': The only way to fight a cold. :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[as his suit falters]'' It can't end this way... vengeance...! :'''Batman''': No, ''justice''. A year ago, Ferris Boyle interrupted an experiment, and in the process destroyed two lives. ''[gives Summer Gleeson the tape he found]'' Here's the evidence. ''[walks to a still shivering Boyle; he sneers at Boyle with disgust]'' Good night, humanitarian! ''[walks off]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mr. Freeze is in his subzero cell in Arkham Asylum, gazing into his ballerina snow globe]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': I failed you. I wish there were another way for me to say it... but I cannot. ''[Tears silently slide down his face]'' I can only beg your [[forgiveness]] and pray you hear me somehow, someplace. Someplace... where a warm hand waits for mine. ===''The Cat And The Claw Part 1'' [1.15]=== :'''Stern''': Now if you'll excuse me, I've given you all the time I can spare. :'''Selina Kyle''': You'll find more time for me, Mr. Stern. Before I'm through, I'll have every environmental group and animal rights activist breathing down your neck. They'll be looking at you and your project so closely, you'll feel like a bug in a bell-jar. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You're late. :'''Mob Boss''': Can't you walk up to someone normal-like? :'''Batman''': I hear you have some information. :'''Mob Boss''': Under one condition: Lay off the South Side. :'''Batman''': Keep this up, and I'll be on you from all sides. North, south, east, and west. ===''The Cat And The Claw Part 2'' [1.16]=== :'''Batman''': Red Claw? A woman? :'''[[W:Red_Claw|Red Claw]]''': Do you have a problem with that, Batman? :'''Batman''': Not at all. I'm an equal opportunity crime fighter! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I didn't want you taken away like a common criminal. :'''Catwoman''': So you do care. :'''Batman''': ''[handcuffing her]'' More than you'll ever know. ===''See No Evil'' [1.17]=== :'''Lloyd Ventrix''': See you 'round, Batman! Too bad you can't say the same! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Ventrix, the suit! It's poison! :'''Ventrix''': So what if it is?! I don't care! As long as I have it, I can take my daughter back whenever I want! Her mother won't stop me, AND NEITHER WILL YOU! ===''Beware The Gray Ghost'' [1.18]=== :''[At a video shop, Bruce Wayne asks for Gray Ghost films]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': I'd like the ''Gray Ghost''. :'''Store Clerk''': ''[smirks and walks away]'' Hmm. Name something else. :'''Wayne''': You said you had everything. :'''Store Clerk''': Except the ''Gray Ghost''! Nobody has it! The studio that made the show, Spectra? It burned down 20 years ago. The negatives all went up like kindling, real shame. :'''Wayne''': So the ''Gray Ghost'' doesn't exist? :'''Clerk''': Not anymore. Sorry, pal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Simon Trent''': ''[Hands Batman a film reel with the key the mystery]'' Here's your answer, take it and go! :'''Batman''': I used to admire what the Gray Ghost stood for... :'''Simon Trent''': I'm not the Gray Ghost! :'''Batman''': ''[coldly]'' I can see that now. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the launch of the Gray Ghost videos]'' :'''Bruce''': Could you make this out to 'Bruce'? :'''Gray Ghost''': ''[signing autograph]'' Here you are, Bruce. :'''Bruce''': Thanks. As a kid, I used to watch you with my father. The Gray Ghost was my hero. :'''Gray Ghost''': ''[realizing]'' Really... :'''Bruce''': ''[smiling]'' And he still is. ===''Prophecy Of Doom'' [1.19]=== :'''Nostromos''': I predict... you and I are about to become rich as pigs! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lucas''': No one could've predicted Batman would spot me. Not even the great Nostromos. Besides, how do you know Wayne survived? :'''Nostromos''': The news said he got off the elevator right before it fell, you pathetic amateur! :'''Lucas''': Well, you didn't predict he would ''die'', exactly... ===''Feat Of Clay Part 1'' [1.20]=== :''[About Matt Hagen's repeated use of "Renuyu" to restore his disfigured face]'' :'''Teddy Lupus''': You can't go on like this, Matt. You hurt all the time now. :'''[[w:Clayface|Matt Hagen]]''': ''[irritated]'' You're just my stand-in, Lupus. Nobody promoted you to nursemaid! :'''Lupus''': That stuff makes your face like putty, Matt; it can't be good for ya. :'''Hagen''': It probably ain't good for me. But unless I only want to do ''horror'' pictures, it ain't bad for me either. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Listen up, scumwad, 'cause I'm only gonna ask you once. Who was Lucius Fox meeting at the tram? :'''Raymond Bell''': Wayne... Bruce Wayne! :'''Batman''': You lying sleaze! You wanna rethink that answer? ===''Feat Of Clay Part 2'' [1.21]=== :'''Clayface''': ''[testing his new shapeshifting powers]'' The formula must have soaked every cell in my body. :'''Teddy Lupus''': It's.... It's some kind of miracle! ''[sees Matt change back into Clayface]'' Wha... What are you doing? :'''Clayface''': No. No! You broke my concentration! It won't work, don't you see?! It's too hard! It's like tensing a muscle - I can't keep it up for long! MY CAREER, MY ''LIFE'' - IT ''IS'' GONE! AND I CAN NEVER GET IT BACK! ''[In his rage, Clayface destroys several things in the trailer]'' I'm not an actor anymore! I'm not even... a ''man''! ''[Sobs softly]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Clayface''': Not even the Batman could stop me, Teddy. And that means ''Daggett'' won't have a prayer. :'''Teddy''': Matt, please, you don't wanna do anything crazy. Why don't you try to get some shuteye? :'''Clayface''': ''[growls]'' DON'T YOU DARE PATRONIZE ME!!! I told you I don't need rest! I don't need food! AND I DON'T NEED YOU!!!! ''[grabs Teddy and throws him to a bookcase then walks out the door]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Roland Daggett is at a talk show talking about Renuyu facial cream and the host entertains audience questions]'' :'''Woman''': I'd like to ask Mr. Daggett about the rumors I've heard. I hear he's selling Renuyu through direct marketing because stores won't carry it due to its harmful side effects. :'''[[w:Roland Daggett|Roland Daggett]]''': Well that's, uh, absolutely untrue- :'''Woman''': ''[stands up and approaches him]'' What about the addictive properties of Renuyu, Mr. Daggett? Once you're hooked, you can't stop using it without horrible...''pain''! :'''Daggett''': No! I mean... That's just not so! :'''Woman''': Why don't you show them what an ''overdose'' can do, Daggett?! Why don't you tell them ''[voices goes deeper]'' about ME?! ''[transforms into Clayface]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Batman tricks Clayface into confronting him in a recording room, where he turns multiple screens showing headshots of Clayface's past roles]'' :'''Clayface''': What are you doing?! Stop it! :'''Batman''': Look at them, Hagan. Look at what you used to be. :'''Clayface''': No, no! Turn them off! :'''Batman''': You can play those roles again, Hagan. Let me help you find a cure. :'''Clayface''': ''[begins to shapeshift into his past roles]'' No! Hagan's gone! Make him stop haunting me! ''[begins to uncontrollably shapeshift into his past roles]'' Stop it! Turn them off! I can't control it! I can't be all of them! Not all at once! :''[Batman tries to turn on some more screens, but Clayface knocks him out of the way and smashes the control panels; Clayface yanks off one of the screens and throws it at Batman, who dodges; the screen hits the big screen, causing an explosion; the police arrive to see Clayface in his shapeshifting seizure as he shifts his face into Bruce Wayne]'' :'''Officer''': Mother of mercy! It looks just like Bruce Wayne! :''[Clayface punches through two screens, electrocuting him and reverting back into his true form and he topples over; Batman walks up to Clayface]'' :'''Clayface''': ''[morphs into Matt Hagan]'' You know what I'd have given for a death scene like this? ''[morphs into his scarred form]'' Too bad I won't get to... read the notices. ''[faints and reverts back to his true form.]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Lucius Fox''': I'm just glad to know it wasn't really Bruce Wayne who attacked me. :'''Summer Gleeson''': Thank you, Mr. Fox. All charges against Wayne have, of course, been dropped. And Roland Daggett remains in custody. :''[as Alfred turns off the TV, Batman is experimenting with a piece of Clayface's clay]'' :'''Alfred''': My word, sir. I should think after all this, it would time to rest. :'''Batman''': Look. A piece of clay left behind when they took Hagan's body away. Watch. ''[zaps the clay with electricity, causing it to morph into multiple shapes]'' :'''Alfred''': Electricity has no effect on it? :'''Batman''': Exactly. ''[scene changes to a morgue where a doctor uncovers Clayface's body; voice-over]'' I wouldn't be surprised if the body they took to the morgue was only a shell ''[Clayface's body cracks and crumbles into little pieces]'' Don't forget, first and foremost, Hagan was an actor. ''[scene changes to Teddy outside the hospital]'' He said it himself, Alfred. He called it a scene. Maybe the greatest scene in his career. :'''Teddy''': ''[sadly]'' See you 'round, Matt. ''[walks away]'' :'''Batman''': A death scene so real... it fooled us all. :''[a woman laughs maniacally as her voice grows deeper and her eyes turn yellow, revealing her to be a disguised Clayface]'' ===''Joker's Favor'' [1.22]=== :'''[[w:Joker (comics)|Joker]]''': ''[tosses two pennies on the ground]'' There's your two cents. Now, what are you going to do to me? :'''Charlie''': Listen.... I... O'm sorry, really! I.... I had a bad day. Boss turned down my raise, and... :'''Joker''': Now look, my rude friend! We can't have people cursing at each other on the freeway. It's simply ''not polite''! ''[jumps down and grabs him]'' I'm just going to have to teach you some manners. ''[reaches into his coat]'' :'''Charlie''': Please don't! I have a family, a wife, a little boy! Please! I'll do anything to make it up! Anything! :'''Joker''': Anything, says you? ''[Charlie nods; Joker releases him]'' Okee-dokee! Wallet. :'''Charlie''': Uh, okay. I don't have much cash. :'''Joker''': Oh, please! Don't insult me! ''[takes out driver's license]'' Charles Michael Collins. That's you! Tsk tsk, lousy picture, though. Lousy! Address, height, weight, blah blah blah. ''[tosses the wallet back and keeps the license]'' Righty-o, Chuckers! Here's the deal. I'll let you off if you promise to do a little favor for me. :'''Charlie''': Okay. What? :'''Joker''': ''I DON'T KNOW! I HAVEN'T THOUGHT OF IT YET!'' You just toddle on back to your mundane, meaningless little life, and when I need you, I'll call. Fair? Good? Great! I'll be in touch. ''[walks away, laughing maniacally]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Charlie''': Hello? :'''Joker''': Hello, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': Wrong number, pal. My name is Don. :'''Joker''': Oh, no, no, no. This IS the right number, Charles Michael Collins. Oh, I don't know why you changed your name to Don Wallace and moved your family to 12 Marigold Lane, Springdale, Ohio. One might think you were trying to skip out on our little deal. ''[to Harley Quinn]'' Leave the sideburns. :'''Charlie''': Uh... how did you find me? :'''Joker''': Oh, I never lost you, Chaz. You've become my... HOBBY!! ''[laughs maniacally]'' Now, listen up, Charlie Brown. You're booked on the next flight to Gotham. Tell the family you have to visit a sick friend. Oh, and let's keep this to ourselves, 'kay? Bad things happen to people who gossip, capisce, Carlo? ''[Charlie looks out the window to see Joker's henchmen pull up to his house]'' :'''Charlie''': Yeah... :'''Joker''': Good! See ya! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': You miserable little ''nobody!'' If I get caught, your wife and son are history! :'''Charlie''': You're not getting caught. Not this time. I found this blown out of the van. :''[He pulls one of the Joker's bombs from his jacket, and the Joker looks shocked and afraid]'' :'''Charlie''': This is how it ends, Joker. No big schemes, no grand fight to the finish with the Dark Knight. Tomorrow, all the papers will say is that the great Joker was found blown to bits in an alley, alongside a "miserable little nobody"! ''[chuckles]'' Kinda funny. Ironic, really. See? I can destroy a man's dreams too! And that's really the only dream you've got, isn't it?! :'''Joker''': ''[still scared]'' Look, Charlie, you've had a busy day! All this running around, all this excitement with... ''[yelling out desperately]'' '''''BATMAN!''''' Stop! You... you're crazy! :'''Charlie''': I had a good teacher! ''[chuckles]'' Say goodnight, Gracie! :'''Joker''': ''[terrified, trying to crawl away]'' NO! '''BATMAN! ''BATMAN!''''' ''[sees Batman in the shadows, and gasps with relief and annoyance]'' How long have you been there?! :'''Batman''': Long enough. Put it down, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': You know he'll just escape again! This is the only way my family stays safe! :'''Joker''': All right, you win! Take it easy! ''[surrenders his notebook to Batman]'' Here's everything on his blasted family - names, addresses, it's all there! You're no fun anymore, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': Hey, Joker! ''[throws the bomb at the Joker, who cowers behind Batman - only for the "bomb" to release harmless confetti]'' Gotcha! :''[Batman lets out a short laugh]'' :'''Joker''': ''[dryly]'' Oh, very funny. A million laughs. :'''Batman''': Go home, Mr. Collins. :'''Charlie''': Home. I never thought that could sound so good. I wonder what Bonnie's making for dinner. Right now, anything would taste great. Even meatloaf. ===''Vendetta'' [1.23]=== :'''Batman''': Here's how it works, slimeball. I have questions, and if you have answers, I'll leave you alone. :'''Rupert Thorne''': Oh, I have plenty of answers... thirty-eight caliber answers. Now then, you were saying? :'''Batman''': ''[Using Thorne as a shield]'' I was saying, you'd better hope your men are ''very'' good shots. It's too hot in here. Let's get some air. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Killer Croc''': Terrific. Just what I need now. The freak job in the cape. :'''Batman''': You're no prize yourself. :'''Killer Croc''': ''[strangling Batman]'' What can I tell you now? Being a reptile man ain't pretty... but it's got its upside. Like having the strength of a crocodile, for instance! But I guess you've learned that by now, huh? ''[forcing Batman into the water]'' The hard way. You know, they used to call "Killer Croc" the meanest dude in the Wrestling Federation. Now they'll call him the guy who iced the Batman! :'''Batman''': ''[flip-kicks Killer Croc really hard and gets out of the water]'' Don't hold your breath. ===''Fear Of Victory'' [1.24]=== :'''Mr. Lucky''': Lost? You have that bewildered look, but your sort always does. :'''Thug''': ''[grabs him threateningly]'' I ain't lost. I'm lookin' for you! I wanna know how come you always win, Mr. Lucky. :'''Mr. Lucky''': It's quite simple, actually. I fix the games. :'''Thug''': You can't fix ''all'' those sports. Nobody can! :'''Mr. Lucky''': Oh, ye of little brain, allow me to illustrate. ''[hands the thug an envelope laced in fear toxin]'' Here. You can read, can't you? :'''Thug''': ''[reads it]'' "Boo!" Hey, is this some kinda joke? :'''Mr. Lucky''': It's no joke, I assure you. It's the fear of victory, and the agony of... ''[the thug pulls Mr. Lucky out of the shadows, revealing his true identity]'' '''the Scarecrow!''' :''[The thug gasps in fear, now a victim of his toxin]'' :'''Scarecrow''': So now you understand Step One in how I fix an athletic contest. ''[Scarecrow comes closer to the thug, causing him to fall into some stacks of hay]'' I shall proceed to Step Two! ''[chuckles evilly]'' :'''Thug''': No! NO! GET AWAY! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': There's enough powder in that helmet to panic a pachyderm! He should be postering himself, crying for mercy! :'''Batman''': Change of luck, Scarecrow? :'''Scarecrow''': YOU! :'''Batman''': You're aware that gambling is illegal in Gotham? :'''Scarecrow''': I need the money, Batman! You know the cost of chemicals these days. And it will take much more than this to bring every pathetic person in Gotham to their knees, kissing my feet! ''[reveals a vial of his fear chemical and dangles it above the crowd]'' No closer, Batman! Unless you want a stampede of half-crazed humanity crushing and clawing each other! Now... what guarantee do I have you won't follow me? :'''Batman''': You have my word, Scarecrow. Just don't drop the vial. :'''Scarecrow''': Actually, Batman, I'd prefer a little insurance that you'll be otherwise occupied! ''[drops it]'' ===''The Clock King'' [1.25]=== :'''Fugate''': (after judgment has been passed) No! You can't! I'll be ruined! :'''Judge''': Then perhaps this will teach you to be on time for a change. :'''Batman''': What kind of a saboteur uses a six-thousand dollar Metronex to set a time bomb? :'''Alfred''': A saboteur with too much money? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman:''' Hold it! :'''Fugate:''' Well, well. The Batman. It's about time you showed up! I suppose you want to know why I've brought Downtown Gotham to a standstill, Batman. Hm? Well, let's just say it's because I'm a civic minded citizen with a lot of time on his hands. :'''Batman''': I want some answers, wise guy. Talk! :'''Fugate''': A pity. I don't know what to tell you, Batman - except perhaps that the 9:15 is always six minutes early. :''(He falls off the building and lands safely on the roof of an oncoming train as it speeds away)'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mayor Hill is tied to the hands of a huge clock]'' :'''Clock King''': Comfortable, Hill? Well you won't be for long! At 3:15 on the dot, those hands will come together and you'll be crushed like an insect. 3:15, Hill. Does that time hold any meaning for you? :'''Mayor Hill''': I don't know what you're talking about! :'''Clock King''': You told me to take my coffee break at 3:15. :'''Mayor Hill''': What?! :'''Clock King''': You don't remember?! My ''court date!'' :'''Mayor Hill''': ''[finally realizing]'' Oh my Lord! The lawsuit! Fugate! I swear I was only trying to help! :'''Clock King''': Don't hand me that! You did it on purpose! The plaintiffs were represented by your law firm, Mr. Mayor! :'''Mayor Hill''': But I had nothing to do with that case, Fugate! :'''Clock King''': Not that it matters anymore. Now that you have an appointment to keep, at 3:15 precisely—with the '''Grim Reaper!''' ''[begins laughing maniacally]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I'm here to clean your clock, Fugate. :'''Fugate''': Don't count on it, Batman. When it comes to clocks, ''I'' am king. ''En garde''! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Stop this, Fugate! Hill committed no crime against you! :'''Temple Fugate''': He did worse than that! He made me late! :'''Batman''': Fugate! You can't escape! :'''Clock King''': Au contraire, Batman. You of all people should know, there's always a way out! :''(Fugate begins laughing maniacally as a huge clock wheel falls on him, sending him to his apparent death)'' ===''Appointment In Crime Alley'' [1.26]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': Roland Daggett's up to something, Alfred. :'''Alfred''': That almost goes without saying, doesn't it, sir? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Leslie Thompkins''': This used to be a beautiful street. Good people lived here once. :'''Batman''': ''[placing two roses on the ground]'' Good people still live in Crime Alley. ===''Mad As A Hatter'' [1.27]=== :'''Jervis Tetch''': ''[Discussing the subject of Alice to his lab rats.]'' Of course, intellectually I know it's wrong. After all, she has a boyfriend. Better to withdraw like a gentleman- forget her, turn my heart to other pursuits. ''[Brief pause]'' NEVER! After all, I've created a chip strong enough to control a human brain! It would be so easy to make her forget her boorish beau and love ME! But...that would reduce her to a soulless shell. No...not my Alice. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman has cornered Jervis Tetch, who just subdued Alice with her mindcontrol card and is at a dinner table with him]'' :'''Jervis Tetch/Mad Hatter''': I'll cut that cowl off your neck before you'll take her! I've waited my whole lonely life for her! :'''Batman''': Then all you've waited for is a puppet. A soulless little doll. :'''Mad Hatter''': It didn't have to be this way! You made me do this to her! ===''Dreams In Darkness'' [1.28]=== :'''Batman''': "There's always time to heal", the doctor told me, but he was wrong. There was no time left. Not for me, not for him, and not for Gotham City. And as long as I remained trapped in Arkham, there was nothing I could do, except wait for the end and remember the beginning. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': An entire city, screaming in fear... I wonder if we'll be able to hear it... ===''Eternal Youth'' [1.29]=== :'''Mrs. Thomas''': You wicked, evil- :'''Poison Ivy''': Evil, Mrs. Thomas? I don't control a company that leveled a thousand-year-old forest for a strip mine! THAT'S evil! ''[sprays a gas which causes Mrs. Thomas to become petrified; steals a pair of earrings]'' You and your kind owe Mother Nature a big debt, and I am here to make sure you pay up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': Right now, the bark is merely exoskeletal. It will take months of additional spraying before the transformations become irreversible. But, of course, I have the patience of a redwood. :'''Batman''': ''[snarling]'' And the convictions of a fanatic! :'''Poison Ivy''': Well, if you're not going to be part of the solution, you're obviously part of the problem. Ladies? :''[Ivy's henchwomen begin to spray Batman with the growth formula]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': This spray is triple-strength, Batman! It will start the transformation without any preliminaries! ''[Nothing seems to happen to Batman as he unties his hands]'' He should be sprouting leaves by now! :'''Batman''': ''[Unties his hands and stands up, blocking the spray with his cape as he advances]'' You made your secret too accessible, Ivy! I coated my outfit with a herbicidal antidote! :'''Poison Ivy''': Keep spraying! ''[Violet and Lily back away, still spraying, but Batman subdues them both]'' ===''Perchance To Dream'' [1.30]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[Looking down off the ledge, preparing to jump]'' You're wrong! There IS a way out! :'''Mad Hatter''': Now, now wait just a minute! You don't want to do anything foolish! This isn't an ordinary dream! What if you're wrong?! :'''Bruce Wayne''': '''THEN I'LL SEE YOU IN YOUR ''NIGHTMARES''!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': '''''WHY?''''' Why did you do it?! :'''Mad Hatter''': You, of all people, have the GALL to ask me that? You RUINED MY LIFE! I was willing to give you WHATEVER life you wanted, JUST TO KEEP YOU OUT OF ''MINE!'' <hr width="75%"/> ===''The Cape & Cowl Conspiracy'' [1.31]=== :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Look up "slippery" in the dictionary and you get Josiah Wormwood. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[About the [[w:Bat-Signal|Bat-Signal]]]'' Got a new toy, I see. :'''Gordon''': I figured it might come in handy. ===''[[w:Robin's Reckoning|Robin's Reckoning Part 1]]'' [1.32]=== :''[Robin and Batman are doing a stakeout]'' :'''Robin''': If I knew it was going to take THIS long, I would've brought my homework. You sure about this extortion ring? :'''Batman''': ''[Looking at the construction site through binoculars]'' Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': It's been four hours. :'''Batman''': Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': You still think they'll show? :'''Batman''': Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': Lucky for me, you're such a good conversationalist. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': If you protect him, Stromwell, I'll be very... GRUMPY. [[The Incredible Hulk|You don't want to see me when I'm grumpy]]. ===''[[w:Robin's Reckoning|Robin's Reckoning Part 2]]'' [1.33]=== :'''[[w:Tony Zucco|Tony Zucco]]''': I'm not back in town five minutes - FIVE MINUTES - and he's on my tail. You don't know the Bat. He don't let up! He's the dark angel of death, man, and he wants ME! :'''Mick''': ... Why you, boss? :'''Zucco''': HOW SHOULD I KNOW?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Robin is about to throw Tony Zucco off the pier]'' :'''Tony Zucco''': No, don't! Please... :'''Batman''': Robin! Enough. ''[limps towards him]'' You can't let your emotions get the best of you. :'''Robin''': Stuff your advice, Batman! You and your stone-cold heart! You don't know how I feel. HOW COULD YOU?!? ''[Batman looks at him, and Robin realizes what he said]'' Batman, I didn't mean to... I'm sorry. ''[after he sees the police coming, Robin seemingly readies to throw Zucco off the pier but simply throws him to the ground. The cops arrive and arrest Zucco.]'' You were right, you know, not bringing me along. You knew I'd take it too personally. :'''Batman''': It wasn't that, Robin. It wasn't that at all. Zucco's taken so much, caused you so much pain. I couldn't stand the thought that he might... take you, too. :'''Robin''': ''[putting a hand on Batman's shoulder]'' Come on, partner. It's been a long night. ===''The Laughing Fish'' [1.34]=== :'''Alfred''': ''[seeing Batman with a Joker Fish]'' Dining in tonight, sir? :'''Batman''': ''[sighs]'' The dissection tray, please, Alfred... :'''Alfred''': Any idea what our happy friend is up to now? :'''Batman''': Normal criminals usually have logical motives, but the Joker's insane schemes make sense to him alone. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': Ah-ah-ah-ahem! Look alive, wage slaves. Presenting that caliph of clowns, that mogul of mountebanks, the one and only Joker! :''[The Joker enters, laughing maniacally]'' :'''Francis''': Great Scott! :'''Joker''': Actually, I'm Irish. Good morning, Mister, err, ''[looks at his desk's name plate]'' Francis! Please allow me to introduce my associates. Miss Quinn. :'''Harley Quinn''': ''Enchante''! :'''Joker''': And Messrs, uh... oh, their names escape me for the moment. No matter! We gentlemen of business have arrangements to discuss. :'''Francis''': A... Arrangements? :'''Joker''': ''[drops a Joker Fish onto his desk]'' For my fish, of course! This has all been worked out far in advance, Francis. You are merely the last tiny cog in my grand design! So don't speak to me again, 'kay? Now, what is everyone in town talking about? :'''Francis''': Err... your fish? :'''Joker''': ''[smacks him with the fish]'' I TOLD YOU NOT TO SPEAK! :'''Harley''': ''[sniffs Francis]'' Ooh, fish stink-a-roony! ''[sprays him with a substance from a perfume bottle, making him cough]'' All better! :'''Joker''': As I was saying, since every fish in Gotham now bares my famous and frankly ''fabulous'' face, I should be getting a profit from every fish product sold. ''[one of his thugs pours out a pile of products]'' Let's say a nickel per fish sandwich, fifty cents for sardines - millions of dollars a day to finance my happily hedonistic lifestyle! So which of your tedious copyright forms do I fill out first? You may speak now. :'''Francis''': No one can copyright fish. They're a natural resource. :'''Joker''': But they share my unique face! [[w:Colonel Sanders|Colonel What's-His-Name]] has chickens, and they don't even have moustaches! :'''Francis''': I can't help it, it's the law! :'''Joker''': Oh! Trying to cheat the Joker, are ya?! Well, we'll see who has the last laugh. You have until midnight to change your mind, Francis, or you'll be the poorest fish of all! ''[leaves, laughing madly, with his thugs following]'' :'''Harley''': ''[blows Francis a kiss as she follows]'' Buh-bye! :'''Francis''': He's crazy...! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Francis''': Err, Batman? Why is this happening to me? I've never done anything to this Joker. I'm just a paper-pusher, I can't change the laws. I'm harmless! :'''Batman''': And in his sick mind, that's the joke, Mr. Francis. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Feeling all right? :'''Francis''': ''[scratching himself]'' Oh, sure. It's just that everything's been so crazy today. I haven't even had time to rinse off that gunk the Joker's girl squirted on me... :'''Batman''': ''[to Gordon]'' GET THIS MAN TO A HOSPITAL! ''NOW!'' :'''Francis''': What?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': You're right, Harley. Fish ''are'' disgusting. I think I'll start using my toxin on cattle. Joker Burgers! Ha! Talk about a [[w:McDonald's|Happy Meal!]] <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': ''[after hitting Batman with a big wrench]'' Meanwhile, back at the "wrench"...! Since my sidesplitters don't tickle you, how 'bout a ''skull''-splitter?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After the Joker is seemingly eaten by the shark]'' :'''Harley''': ''[sniffing sadly]'' Oh, my poor, poor puddin'... :'''Bullock''': Come on, he was a demented, abusive, psychotic maniac. :'''Harley''': Yeah... I'm really gonna miss him! ''[sobs into her handkerchief]'' :'''Gordon''': Do you think he's gone for good? :'''Batman''': Believe me, Jim, I wish it were true. But deep inside, I doubt it. ===''Night Of The Ninja'' [1.35]=== :'''[[w:Kyodai Ken|Kyodai Ken]]''': ''[Throwing Bruce]'' Don't be depressed, Wayne-san. You're not bad for a rich man's pampered son. :'''Sensei''': ''[Leaps across room and throws Kyodai]'' There's always someone better, Kyodai. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': His name is Kyodai Ken. He was good. :'''Robin''': Yeah? How good? :'''Batman''': ''[Quickly]'' Good. :'''Robin''': I see. <hr width="80%"/> ===''Cat Scratch Fever'' [1.36]=== :'''Selina Kyle''': Don't tell me you're my very own private probation officer. How often would you like me to check in? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': "Viral Antitoxins". For a plague that doesn't exist, yet, but if the plague is introduced via stray dogs and cats, it will blanket Gotham City within weeks! :'''Roland Daggett''': Days, actually. You know how many strays there are in Gotham, Batman? Three hundred thousand! Imagine if even a tenth of them carried the virus. Not only will this little bottle make me a hero, it'll make me a fortune as well. ===''The Strange Secret Of Bruce Wayne'' [1.37]=== :''[Joker, Two-Face, and Penguin are bidding over Batman's secret identity]'' :'''Two-Face''': $500,000 :'''Penguin''': Poof. Chicken feed. I'll bet a million! :'''Two-Face''': ''TWO'' Million! :'''Strange''': I have two million. Do I hear three? :'''Joker''': Hold it, hold it, HOLD IT! :'''Two-Face''': Get outta my face, clown! :'''Joker''': Which one? :''[An angered Two-Face is about to attack Joker, but Penguin intervenes]'' :'''Penguin''': Gentlemen, it behooves us not to fight amongst ourselves. :'''Joker''': Well put, sardine breath! I think we should ''pool'' our resources on this. $51,240,685! ''[gets out a little coin purse, and pours out some coins]'' And uh, 53 cents. :'''Strange''': Sold! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Strange''': Joker, please! I was set up! Bruce Wayne is Batman! :'''Two-Face''': That's absurd! I know Bruce Wayne. If he's Batman, I'm the King of England! :'''Joker''': And people say I'M crazy! ===''Heart Of Steel Part 1'' [1.38]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': And who's your little friend? :''[Barbara takes a teddy bear out of her purse]'' :'''Barbara Gordon''': Oh, this is Wubby. I've had him forever. Dad won't pick me up at the airport without bringing him along. :'''Commissioner Gordon''': ''[blushing]'' Well... he knows the way better than I do. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': ''[After learning about the AI project]'' Sounds as if the human race could become quite expendable, except for butlers, of course. :'''Batman''': Of course. ===''Heart Of Steel Part 2'' [1.39]=== :'''Randa''': You have immobilized the maker. :'''[[w:HARDAC|HARDAC]]''': His human imperfection endangers the plan. He must be improved upon. <hr width="50%"/> :'''HARDAC''': The maker's concept was sound, but he did not go far enough - which is why I have taken over. ===''If You're So Smart, Why Aren't You Rich?'' [1.40]=== :'''[[w:Riddler|Edward Nygma]]''': ''[Being cheated out of the sales of his game]'' You are a fool, Mockridge, to think you can get away with this! Your amoral greed is no match for an intellect like mine! :'''Mockridge''': Oh, yeah? Then tell me something, Eddie: if you're so smart, why aren't you ''rich?'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman reprograms the Hand of Fate, and uses it to carry himself and Robin to the centre of the maze]'' :'''Riddler''': That is grand-scale CHEATING, Batman! You're not allowed to tamper with the Hand of Fate! :'''Batman''': I don't believe in fate! :'''Riddler''': You probably don't believe in Minotaurs either, but you'll still have to answer the Riddle. :'''Minotaur Robot''': ''I have billions of eyes, yet I live in darkness. I have millions of ears, yet only four lobes. I have no muscles, yet I move two hemispheres. What am I?'' :'''Batman''': ''[pauses in thought]'' That's simple: the human brain. ''[The Minotaur backs away]'' It has billions of optic and auditory nerves, four lobes and two hemispheres, and it's the only thing Edward Nygma respects. :'''Riddler''': A lucky guess, that's all! But it won't save you, Batman! ''[to the Minotaur]'' DESTROY THEM! ===''Joker's Wild'' [1.41]=== :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[as Joker changes the channel in the TV]'' Hey, I was watching that! :'''Joker''': And now you're watching this! :'''Poison Ivy''': Change it back! :'''Joker''': Nope, nope, nope, nope, don't want to. :'''Poison Ivy''': Guard! :'''Security Guard''': What's the problem? :'''Joker''': Don't look now, Sonny Jim, but the plant lady's gone whackers again. :'''Poison Ivy''': He started it! I was just sitting here! :'''Joker''': That's right, you're always blaming me. And the children wonder why we fight! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...the Joker's Wild! :''[Cameron Kaiser cuts the ribbon and unveils a casino with a gigantic Joker head. He is seen spoken to by Summer Gleeson]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': Ugh, that is disgusting! :'''Cameraman''': Psst, Summer! We're on the air! :'''Summer Gleeson''': ''[mortified]'' Oh! Uh... there you have it! Let's get a reaction from the guests. Mr. Wayne? :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[equally nauseated]'' No comment. :'''Summer Gleeson''': Mr. Kaiser, why build a casino seemingly in honor of one of history's most notorious outlaws? :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Summer, please! Wild Joker is a classic symbol, long associated with cards and games. I can't help it if there's a some passing resemblance to some criminal fruitcake. :''[An enraged Joker smashes the television]'' :'''Joker''': How dare that smug, preening fool try to cash in on ''MY'' image! :'''Poison Ivy''': Now who should lighten up? :'''Joker''': Don't get cute with me, Red. He's ripping me off! I'll protest! Yeah! I'll sue! Then I'll rip his lungs out! And I will, too! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': It was a scheme worthy of ''me'', Kaiser, the way you got me riled up and turned me loose on this place! :'''Cameron Kaiser''': You...! You were supposed to destroy the casino! :'''Joker''': Yeah, but then I realized it'd be more fun to get rid of you and run the show myself! :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Bu-But you can't...! :'''Joker''': Oh please, Mr. Kaiser! You of all people should have realized there'd be a Joker in the deck! ''[laughs]'' ===''Tyger Tyger'' [1.42]=== :'''Dorian''': I want to test Tygrus' reflexes and feral strength, and who better to pit him against than you? I'll give you a generous head start before I release Tygrus. If you defeat him, I shall relinquish this, the antigen to reverse Catwoman's mutation. :'''Batman''': How do I know you'll keep your word? :'''Dorian''': You don't. The clock is ticking, Batman. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': So you ''can'' talk. :'''Tygrus''': My father taught me. :'''Batman''': Your father was a test tube. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': Batman! The antidote! I'll be stuck like this forever! :'''Tygrus''': Would that be so bad? You could stay here, with me. :'''Catwoman''': Oh, Tygrus... I can't live like this, I have to be human again. :'''Tygrus''': ''[sadly, taking her hands in his]'' Goodbye, Selina. :''[As he leaves, Catwoman sees that he has given here the serum. She looks overjoyed, then calls out to him]'' :'''Catwoman''': Wait - won't you come with us? There's nothing for you here. :'''Tygrus''': There's nothing for me anywhere. ''[disappears into the falling rain]'' :'''Batman''': ''[in voiceover]'' "[[w:The Tyger|Tyger Tyger burning bright, in the forests of the night: what immortal hand or eye, dare frame thy fearful symmetry?]]" ===''Moon Of The Wolf'' [1.43]=== :'''Professor Milo''': What you're suffering from is an early stage of lycanthropy, more commonly known as werewolfism; for that I have no treatment. However, advanced werewolfism can be cured. :'''Anthony Romulus''': ''[after a wolf howls, Anthony starts transforming]'' Ohhh, you fool! There's no telling what the werewolf might do! :'''Professor Milo''': Hey, ask me if I care. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Do me a favour, shaggy: stay down! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bullock''': No trace of Wolfie! We checked the shoreline for miles! But in four weeks, there's another full moon. Then we'll know for sure. ===''Day Of The Samurai'' [1.44]=== :''[Batman swoops away after rescuing his Sensei's student, Kairi]'' :'''Kairi''': ''[In Japanese]'' Spirit of the bat... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yoru''': If you see Batman, tell him I have great respect for him. :'''Bruce''': Why? He's as much a ninja as Kyodai was. :'''Yoru''': Not so. Batman offered to help his adversary, and a lesser man would have used the secrets of the Onemuri touch against his opponent. Batman is the essence of samurai, Wayne-san. You would do well to remember that. :'''Bruce''': ''[bows]'' Domo arigato, sensei. ===''Terror In The Sky'' [1.45]=== :'''Batman''': Reports of a huge bat creature the size of a man. Remind you of anybody? :'''Alfred''': Present company excluded? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You couldn't leave it alone, could you, March? You've recreated the mutagen. :'''March''': ''[aiming a tranquilizer rifle at him]'' Recreated it? I've ''refined'' it! At night, on my own, so the others wouldn't know. I still believe only a creature like a Man-Bat can survive the next evolutionary cataclysm - and it will! My new serum could be even more powerful than Kirk's! :'''Batman''': ''[after disarming March]'' "''Could'' be"? What do you mean? :'''March''': I needed to test it, but before I had the chance-- :'''Batman''': ''[clearly surprised]'' You mean you ''haven't'' taken it? :'''March''': Of course not! The experimental batch was destroyed. I'll have to-- :'''Batman''': Destroyed? How? :'''March''': I'd been working through the night. I was just completing the final combination. ''[remembers incident at his lab as he drops the beaker of mutagen upon Francine's surprise entry]'' Francine burst in. I was startled. You have to understand I was very tired, I accidentally dropped the beaker. The whole night's work, ruined! Francine never guessed what I was doing, she even helped me clean up the mess. All that... glass! ''[recalls Francine licking her finger after it is pricked by a small shard of glass]'' Oh... oh, my lord... Francine! The mutagen - it's in ''her'' bloodstream now! ''[breaks down at his folly as Batman loads a tranquilizer into a pistol of his and then gives March the formula paperwork]'' :'''Batman''': Is ''that'' what it's going to take? Your daughter's life, before you end this insanity? :''[Later that night, March burns the files]'' ===''Almost Got 'Im'' [1.46]=== :'''Joker''': I want a nice clean game, gentlemen. :'''Penguin''': That'll be a first. So, I hear 'you-know-who' nailed the Mad Hatter last week. :'''Joker''': No kidding. He sure gets around for one guy. :'''Two-Face''': Yeah, well that's where you're wrong. I don't think it IS one guy. :'''[[w:Killer Croc|Killer Croc]]''': Huh? :'''Two-Face''': The way I figure it, Gordon's got a bunch of 'em stashed someplace like a SWAT team. He wants you to think it's one guy, but- :'''Joker''': Meh. You're always seeing double. :'''Penguin''': It's obvious our caped friend suffered some crime-related trauma when he was younger. Perhaps an over-anxious mugger blew off a piece of his face. :'''Joker''': Sure! He could be all gross and disgusting under that mask! ''[as Two-Face crushes a milk carton]'' Uh, no offense, Harv. :'''Two-Face''': Just deal. :'''Killer Croc''': Well, ya know what ''I'' think? :'''Joker''': Not the robot theory again... :'''Killer Croc''': Well, he COULD be. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Two-Face''': Poison Ivy... :'''Poison Ivy''': It's been a long time Harvey. You're still looking...halfway decent. :'''Two-Face''': Half of me wants to strangle ya. :'''Poison Ivy''': And what's the other part want? :'''Two-Face''': To hit you with a truck! :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[to the others]'' We used to date. :'''Penguin/Joker''': Ah. ===''Birds Of A Feather'' [1.47]=== :'''[[w:Penguin (comics)|Penguin]]''': Say, who's there? Two-Face? Croc? Joker, old shoe? :'''Batman''': None of the above, Penguin. :'''Penguin''': Oh no, not you... :'''Batman''': Get used to it. Wherever you go, I'll be right behind you. :'''Penguin''': Precisely where you belong. But you needn't bother. Haven't you heard? I've reformed. Paid my debt to society, and all that. :'''Batman''': We'll see. I just came to tell you to keep your beak clean. :'''Penguin''': ''[grabs a can of rat poison]'' As long as you're here, won't you stay for a cappuccino? :''[Batman gives him an annoyed look before leaving]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Batman defeats a gang of thugs threatening the Penguin and Veronica]'' :'''Batman''': I knew you couldn't stay clean for more than one day. :'''Veronica''': Let him go! He didn't do anything. It was those brutes! :'''Batman''': ''[genuinely surprised]'' He wasn't with them? :'''Penguin''': That's right, you vulgar vigilante! In my day, I associated with a much higher class of riff-raff! :'''Veronica''': I'm so sorry, Ozzie. :'''Penguin''': As long as you weren't bruised, my peach. ''[kisses her hand]'' :'''Batman''': "Peach"? :'''Penguin''': Why don't you be a good masked man and ride off into the night? This time, ''I'll'' clean up after ''you.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Veronica''': Please, Oswald! If it's money you want, I can get you more! :'''Penguin''': ''SHUT UP!'' All I wanted from ''you'', dearie, was a little friendship. That would have cost you ''nothing.'' But now you'll pay! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Veronica''': Oswald? I really was growing fond of you. It's too bad this had to happen. :'''Penguin''': ''[coldly]'' I suppose it's true what they say: society is to blame. ''High'' society. ===''What Is Reality?'' [1.48]=== :'''Batman''': "Where does a 500 pound gorilla sleep?" "What's worse than a millipede with flat feet?" "How do you stuff five elephants into a compact car?" :'''Alfred''': Anywhere it wants, a giraffe with a sore throat, and two in the front seat, two in the back, and one in the trunk. :'''Batman''': Yeah, yeah. I know, I know. Any schoolboy knows those. But brain teasers are the Riddler's M.O. Not corny old jokes like these. :'''Alfred''': Perhaps the questions are the clues, not the answers. For example, they all seem to involve animals. :'''Batman''': Also numbers. A ''500'' pound gorilla. A millipede, meaning a thousand legs. And five elephants. Now let's convert them to Roman numerals. ''[he does, revealing the letters DMV]'' Look! :'''Alfred''': DMV... :'''Batman and Alfred''': Department of Motor Vehicles! :'''Alfred''': But I recall you mentioning he'd already obliterated his records there, so why return? :'''Batman''': For the hard copy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no tales. :'''Batman''': Another riddle, Nygma? :''[Four quarters and a single penny emerge from the return change chute]'' :'''Riddler''': It all makes sense when you add it up! :''[In the Batmobile]'' :'''Alfred''': Four quarters and a penny, sir? :'''Batman''': Penny... Penny... Cent... Red cent... Copper. It's made of copper. :'''Alfred''': And "copper" is another word for a policeman. :'''Batman''': And "no tails" would be heads. Police head... Quarters! :'''Alfred''': Police Headquarters. Bravo, sir! It does make "cents" when you add it up! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': He can't be online! I searched through every file. :'''Riddler''': You searched the software. Had you bothered to examine the hardware you would have discovered a cordless modem line. :'''Riddler''': A pity you can't earn extra lives in this game.Quite an experience being riddled with questions, isn't it, Batman :'''Robin''': Batman don't open that door Crazy Intent means Loco Motion! Batman finds himself on a chessboard: :'''Riddler''':Only Batman can put the King in check and you have to move according to the rules or its the end of the day :'''Robin''':They call you the dark Knight..so you have to move like a knight (If Batman fails to move as a knight it'll be "KNightfall" (!) :'''Riddler''':Careful, vigilante, you know what they say, "Curiosity killed the Bat". :'''Batman''': Can you solve it? :'''Robin''': Are you kidding? You're looking at the guy who solved the Baxter's Box puzzle in 37 seconds! Course, this time I don't have a sledge hammer... After escaping Riddler Virtual realty Traps, Batman tries to rescue Gordon from Riddler :'''Batman''': You may control this world, Nygma, but I still control myself! :'''Riddler''': The name is "Riddler"! Edward Nygma doesn't exist anymore! You may recall that he was once fired by an ungrateful employer! That was a private matter and was meant to remain one! :'''Batman''': Attempted homicide is never a "private matter", Nygma! :'''Riddler''': No, but it would have been if you hadn't interfered and turned Edward Nygma into a fugitive! So I deleted Nygma. Just as I'm about to delete you, Batman. :'''Batman''':Tell me this.. Riddler how can you spread your conscious thirty-two times..and still have the concentration to keep your world together? YOU CAN'T! Batman saves Gordon :'''Riddler''': No....NO..... I can escape that easy...but if the Planet was equitable...I'd still have my old Job....No...wait...I'M ...not Ready.....AHHHHH' :'''Gordon''': But we'll never find him :'''Batman''': I think he left us a clue..."If the planet were equitable, I'd still have my old job". :'''Robin''': Of course. If the "World's Fair," I'd still have my "Ex-position". Oh, give me a break. [Batman, Robin and Gordon find Riddler mind trapped in his virtual realty world] :'''Batman''': Looks like he didn't escape his virtual reality in time. :'''Robin''': You mean he's been trapped inside his own program? :'''Batman''': Could be and how to get him out may be a riddle no one can solve. ===''I Am The Night'' [1.49]=== :'''Batman''': A weary body can be dealt with. But a weary spirit? That's something else. Sometimes, old friend, I wonder if I'm really doing any good out there. :'''Alfred''': How can you doubt it? The lives you've saved, the criminals you've brought to justice-- :'''Batman''': I've put out a few fires, yes. Won a few battles. But the war goes on, Alfred. On and on... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Leslie Thompkins''': You seem quieter than usual tonight. :'''Batman''': Every year, I come here and wonder if it should be the last time. If I should put the past behind me, try to lead a normal life. :'''Dr. Thompkins''': [[George Santayana|Santayana]] says, "Those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it." :'''Batman''': He also said a fanatic is someone who redoubles his efforts while losing sight of his goal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I chose this life. I use the night - I ''became'' the night. Sooner or later, I'll go down. It might be the Joker, or Two-Face, or just some punk who gets lucky. My decision, no regrets. But I can't let anyone else pay for my mistakes. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': "[[Friedrich Nietzsche|When you look too long into the abyss, the abyss looks back through you.]]" Maybe it's time for Batman to return to the night that spawned him, before anyone else gets hurt! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[grabs Wizard]'' Up to your old tricks, I see. How about returning that suitcase to its owner? :'''Wizard''': Hey, man, I ''am'' the owner. :''[Batman, surprised, lets him go]'' :'''Wizard''': Y'know, I was kinda hoping I'd run into you. I'd been in those places like where you left me before. Heard the rap, wasn't impressed. But this time, it made sense. Maybe I was ready to hear it. So I'm heading back home. I guess I kinda owe it to you, Batman. You probably saved my life. I'll bet you hear this all the time. Look, I'm gonna miss my bus, I'll see you around. And... thanks. :''[Batman smiles as he watches Wizard leave]'' ===''Off Balance'' [1.50]=== :'''[[w:Talia al Ghul|Talia]]''': My contact lenses! I lost them when we fell! They counter the distortion effect. Without them, I'm as helpless as you. :'''Batman''': I don't do helpless. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Ra's al Ghul|Ra's al Ghul]]''': So even in defeat, the detective manages to achieve some small measure of victory. As you said, detective: this is not over. ===''The Man Who Killed Batman'' [1.51]=== :'''Joker''': You know, there's just one thing bothering me about your story, Sid. No body. No BATUS DELECTI so to speak. We need to pull a job tonight just to make sure. :'''Murphy, Joker's henchman''': Make sure what, boss? :'''Joker''': ''[surprised by Murphy's question]'' Why that old Batsy's bought the cave of course, and one more thing Murphy.....''[turning more annoyed]'' don't ask stupid questions. ''[pushes Murphy to the hyenas who scratch and lick him crazily, to Joker's satisfaction]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': I'll get the mop. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': When the cops come, stall them for awhile, just until Batman arrives. '' Got it?'' :'''Henchman''': Right, boss. :'''Joker''': ''[to Murphy, still scarred from the hyenas]'' Any questions, Murph? :'''Murphy''': No sir! :'''Joker''': ''[to Sid The Squid]'' Good man. And if Batman hasn't ''really'' gone to his final reward, ''we'll'' see that he gets there! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Dear friends... today is the day the Clown cried. And he cries not for the passing of one man, but for the death of a dream. The dream that he would someday taste the ultimate victory over his hated enemy. For it was the Batman who made me the happy soul I am today. How I agonized over the perfect way to thank him for that. Perhaps with a cyanide pie in the face. Or an exploding whoopie-cushion playfully planted in the Batmobile. But those dreams were dashed by the weaselly little gunsel sitting there in our midst. The cowardly insignificant gonif who probably got lucky when Batman slipped on the slime trail this loser left behind him. This mound of diseased hyena filth who's not fit to lick the dirt from my spats...! But I digress. The time for sorrow has passed. It's time to look to a future filled with smiles. And I'll be smiling again just as soon as we take that man THERE...and slap him in that box THERE...and roll him into that vat of acid THERE! Well that was fun...who's for Chinese?! ===''Mudslide'' [1.52]=== :'''Clayface''': ''[After civilians flee in terror upon seeing his true form]'' That's right, run! Run for your measly lives! Run from Clayface! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Clayface''': You've upstaged me for the last time, Batman. Time to bring down the curtain! ===''Paging The Crime Doctor'' [1.53]=== :'''Rupert Thorne''': You think you iced the Batman, huh? Heh heh heh... Not on your best day, Jake! I'd cover my back if I were you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce Wayne''': Bruce Wayne, Dr. Thorne. Thomas Wayne's son. Did you get my letter? :'''[[w:Joseph Campanella|Matthew Thorne]]''': Yes. Thomas Wayne... :'''Bruce Wayne''': I told you I can help with your legal costs, maybe even put in a good word with the judge. :'''Matthew Thorne''': Yes, but what do you get out of it? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Well, there is something you can do for me. :'''Matthew Thorne''': I knew it! I knew there'd be a catch. Sorry, Mr. Wayne. Matthew Thorne is no longer for sale! :'''Bruce Wayne''': I'm not looking for any illegal favors. :'''Matthew Thorne''': What then? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Something you know. Something only you can give me. ''[pause]'' Tell me about my father. :''[Dr. Thorne grins and camera pans out as he ushers Bruce to resume his seat]'' ===''Zatanna'' [1.54]=== :'''[[w:Zatanna|Zatanna]]''': What do you care about some leggy dame in nylons- or have I just answered my own question? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zatanna''': ''[About Batman's mask]'' What happened that made you put this on? :'''Batman''': A painful memory, and a promise. ===''The Mechanic'' [1.55]=== :'''The Penguin''': ''[furious at his men for stealing the wrong stamps by mistake]'' These are terrible! Terrible! :'''Eagleton''': ''[indignant]'' Come on, boss. Give me a break. We got you the stamps. What more do you want? :'''The Penguin''': ''[tossing the worthless stamps angrily]'' I wanted the rare ones! The reversed Audubons! These aren't worth enough to pay for the repairs to the limousine. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Earl Cooper''': ''[sees the damaged Batmobile]'' You been letting the kid drive again? :'''Robin''': Ha ha. Actually we were playing chicken with a penguin. :'''Batman''': Or three of his men. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Penguin is scrubbing license plates in prison]'' :'''Penguin''': ''[reading one]'' "1 BAT 4U"?! ''[breaks it in anger]'' ===''Harley and Ivy'' [1.56]=== :'''Joker''': NO, we didn't get the diamond! The Dork Knight showed up before we even got to the museum! I had a great shot at him, too. Except... my dear little Harley Quinn handed me the wrong gun! :'''Harley Quinn''': But puddin', it was kinda funny watching you shoot at him with the bang flag! ''[Rocco and Henshaw can't help laughing then stifle it as the Joker glares at them]'' :'''Joker''': ''[turning back to Harley]'' Funny? You presume to tell me what I should think is funny?!? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[Poison Ivy trips the alarm, spoiling and hers and Harley Quinn's separate robberies]'' Nice going, butterfingers! Why not turn on the Bat-Signal while you're at it? :'''Poison Ivy''': I wasn't TRYING to get caught! :'''Harley Quinn''': Could've fooled me! Hey, aren't you that plant lady Poison Oakie? :'''Poison Ivy''': Ivy! Poison IVY, not Oakie! :'''Harley Quinn''': Sorry! Harley Quinn, please to meet ya! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Poison Ivy is about to give an injection to Harley Quinn]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': I hate shots! I hate shots! :'''Poison Ivy''': Now, now. You're not immune to poison like I am, and you won't last ten minutes here in Toxic Acres without my antidote. ''[gives the injection]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': Oooh! Whew, you'd think after livin' with Mr. J, I'd be used to a little pain. :'''Poison Ivy''': Why do you put up with that clown? :'''Harley Quinn''': Don't get me wrong. My puddin's a little rough sometimes, but he loves me, really. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[sarcastically]'' Sure he does. You're just one big, forgiving doormat, aren't you? :'''Harley Quinn''': I am NOT a doormat! ...Am I? :'''Poison Ivy''': If you had a middle name, it would be Welcome. But cheer up, kid. You just need some lessons in good old female self-esteem. In other words, let's play with the boys on ''our'' terms. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': That should keep you big strong men busy while we weak little girls loot your trophy room. :'''Harley Quinn''': Gee, Ives, you got style! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[sighs softly]'' No offense, Ives, but I'm not very hungry. Somehow I don't feel like my old perky self. Something's missing. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[angrily slams her form on Harley's plate]'' Will you stop?! I can't believe you're still mooning over that psychotic creep! :'''Harley Quinn''': Well, maybe I'd feel better if I knew he missed me, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': HARLEY!!! This place is going to blinking blue blazes! Anybody seen my socks?! '''HARLEY!!!''' ''[the hyenas snarl at Joker]'' OH!! They snapped at me! What's going on, Rock? This place is a mess, no one's fed the hyenas and I can't find my socks! Where's Harley?! :'''Rocko''': Y-y-ya canned her, boss. Remember? :'''Joker''': So? She's always come back before. :'''Rocko''': Gee... I guess ya ain't seen the papers then. :'''Joker''': Papers?! What are you babbling about?! ''[snatches the newspaper from Rocko and reads an article of Harley's partnership with Poison Ivy]'' '''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!''''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[to Poison Ivy]'' I remember when I would go driving like this with Mr. J. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[imitating Harley Quinn]'' "Mr. J, Mr. J." Oh, change the record, Harl! You wanna be some wacko's victim the rest of your life?! ===''Shadow Of The Bat Part 1'' [1.57]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[indignant after reading about James Gordon's arrest]'' We'll see about this. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara Gordon]]''': So Batman can't help me? Fine. Let's see what Batgirl can do! ===''Shadow Of The Bat Part 2'' [1.58]=== :'''Two-Face''': Don't get wise with me, Mason. Remember who got you set up as Gordon's assistant? :'''Gil Mason''': Right, Harvey, right. :'''Two-Face''': ''[grabs him]'' Don't call me that! It's TWO-FACE to you, pretty boy! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I should've known it would be Two-Face. It's a perfect two-part plan. He consolidates the gangs while Mason takes over the police. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Gil Mason is about to murder James Gordon to become commissioner, and later mayor]'' :'''Gil Mason''': It's business, Jim. Nothing personal. Matter of fact, I respect you, I do. But a fellow has to take his opportunities where he finds them. And with you out of the way, I'll be mayor inside of a year! :'''Gordon''': You're SICK, Gil! ''[glances at Two-Face]'' A lot sicker than him! At least I can see his bad half! :'''Mason''': Sorry you feel that way. At least you won't have to worry about Barbara. I'll take good care of her. She's very fond of me, you know. :'''Gordon''': You piece of scum! I may not be able to stop you, but I know someone who will! :'''Mason''': I wouldn't get your hopes up. You see, there's been a recent decline in the bat population... ===''Blind As A Bat'' [1.59]=== :'''Penguin''': Your aim appears to be a little off today, Batman. I don't think you could hit the broad side of a barn, let alone the broad side of this bird! You're blind as a bat. Sightless and helpless. :'''Batman''': You've got ''one'' right. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': You have a call on your private line. :'''Bruce''': Then let's go! :'''Alfred''': In your condition, sir? :'''Bruce''': If you think a little inconvenience like this is going to stop me... :''[he knocks over a lamp]'' :'''Alfred''': Indeed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': ''[contacting Mayor Hill's office from the Raven]'' Quite a machine, this Raven. Amazing what its communications equipment can do. Don't you agree? You've received my instructions? :'''Mayor Hill''': They arrived by messenger this morning. You know, one-hundred million is a a lot of money. It'll take time to raise that much. :'''Penguin''': You're stalling, Hill. Obviously, you're not taking me seriously. I've warned you not to make that mistake. Apparently, I'll have to show you why. :''[shuts off communication and Hill angrily snaps his pencil in half]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Hill''': Just what I was afraid of. According to the controller's office, we can't come close to putting that ransom together. Not without shutting down basic municipal services. :'''Detective Bullock''': So what other options do we got? :'''Batman''': ''[emerging from the shadows]'' None, gentlemen. Which is why you're going to do exactly what the Penguin wants you to. ===''The Demon's Quest Part 1'' [1.60]=== :'''Ra's al Ghul''': As [[W:Napoleon|Napoleon]] told me, "A strong will can fuel a frail physique." <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Look at it, detective. One of the last of the rainforests. The world depends upon its oxygen, yet the rich see only profit in its destruction. You, who belong to the overclass, have much to answer for. :'''Batman''': Bruce Wayne donates millions of dollars a year to preserve these forests. :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Which are being depleted at the rate of 120,000 acres a day. Does your money solve this problem? No! It will take more than wealth. It will take power, and I fear, ruthlessness. Humankind must be forced to serve the planet instead of its own appetites. :'''Batman''': And you're the one who'll do the forcing? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': I am... qualified, yes. But I may not have sufficient lifetimes left to me. ===''The Demon's Quest Part 2'' [1.61]=== :'''Ubu''': Infidel! :'''Batman''': If you only knew how sick I am of you calling me that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ra's al Ghul''': The material of the Pit is an unknown chemical stew that bubbles to the Earth's surface only in certain key places. Even now, my people are placing bombs, such as that one, over the various Lazarus Pits around the world. These bombs are electronically linked to a private satellite already in Earth orbit. :'''Batman''': ''Orpheus''. :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Precisely. And at the moment when sun and moon are in proper alignment to cause the greatest upheaval in Earth's geomagnetic field, I shall send a signal to that satellite, beginning a countdown. Five minutes thereafter, one bomb will be lowered deep into the heart of each Pit. The satellite will in turn relay a microwave signal that will detonate all the bombs simultaneously. The multiple explosions will result in a global chain reaction. All the Lazarus Pits throughout the world will overflow. The globe will be saturated with their chemical solution, and when the resultant cataclysm has abated, there will come a blessed peace, and this poor, defiled planet shall find itself restored to its former pristine glory. :'''Batman''': But that will cost countless lives! :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Actually, Detective, we ''have'' counted: Two billion, fifty-six million, nine hundred and eighty-six thousand! A most impressive plan, would you not agree? :'''Batman''': Yes... I can see it clearly now for the first time. You are completely out of your mind. ===''His Silicon Soul'' [1.62]=== :'''Rossum''': You don't understand. You're not a man's mind in a robot's body. You're a robot. Period. :'''Bat-Duplicant''': You're lying! It's not possible! I know my family and friends! I remember names, faces, birthdays! I have memories! A past! :'''Rossum''': You have information. Data. Nothing more. Do you remember your first kiss? Your favorite song? The last time you tasted a really good steak? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[about the duplicant]'' Could it be it had a soul, Alfred? A soul of silicon, but a soul nonetheless. ===''Fire From Olympus'' [1.63]=== :'''Stavros''': Please! It's not what you think. I wasn't going to say anything. Honest! :'''[[w:Maxie Zeus|Maximillion "Maxie" Zeus]]''': Silence! First, you transgress against me. Then, you force me to descend to the mortal plane. And now, you tell me I know not what I think?! :'''Stavros''': No! :'''Zeus''': To the depths of Tartarus with you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zeus''': You bore me with these tales of petty human concerns. :'''Clio''': ''[annoyed]'' You're doing it again, Max. :'''Zeus''': You are Clio, my muse of history. Amuse me with tales of ancient times when mortals trembled at the name of Zeus. :'''Clio''': You want a story? I got one. Seems there was this guy named Max who, because he'd been lucky so far in the smuggling racket, believed himself to be untouchable, superior, godlike... :'''Zeus''': There's a cynical edge to your voice I don't appreciate. Know you not, I am above mortal constraints of right and wrong? :'''Clio''': No one is above the law, Max. :'''Zeus''': I make my own laws! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zeus''': Begone, Lord [[w:Hades|Hades]]. Get thee back to thine own realm. Do not come again to Olympus until bidden! :'''Batman''': I think I get the message. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Clio''': ''[telling Batman about Zeus]'' He wasn't always this way, you know. But then business got bad and he started handling cargo for the mob. After a while, with the pressure, the tension... things got confused. He's not living in the real world anymore. ''[awkwardly]'' Maybe you can relate to that? :'''Batman''': ''[after a short silence]'' You're the only one who can get me close enough to help him - while some of the man you knew still exists. ===''Read My Lips'' [1.64]=== :'''Batman''': How do you think I found this place? The phone book? I had help. ''Inside'' help. :'''[[w:Ventriloquist (comics)|Scarface]]''': My premonition! I knew I was right! Which one of you louses is it?! :'''Rhino''': It ain't me boss! :'''Scarface''': I know it ain't you, Rhino! You're too stupid to be a traitor! :'''Rhino''': Thanks, boss. :'''Scarface''': But whoever it is, they're gonna pay big time! Who is it?! You don't talk, you get the ultimate massage! :'''Batman''': And if I tell? :'''Scarface''': Maybe you just get run over by a truck. :'''Batman''': Tempting, but no. :'''Scarface''': Have it your way. Rhino! :''[Rhino gets ready to pull the lever to lower Batman to a pit of mannequins with razor-sharp fingernails]'' :'''Batman''': Hold it! :'''Scarface''': This is gettin' old, Bats. Last chance, who's the traitor? :'''Batman''': Him! The Ventriloquist! :''[everyone glares at the Ventriloquist]'' :'''Ventriloquist''': No, no! He's lying! I told you when he came into my room! :'''Scarface''': So what? Maybe you did 'cause I had ya cornered. Heard ya talkin' to Batman. :'''Batman''': ''[uses his own ventriloquism to imitate the Ventriloquist]'' Shut up, you blockhead! :'''Scarface''': WHAT DID YOU SAY?! :'''Ventriloquist''': It wasn't me! I didn't say that! My lips didn't move! :'''Scarface''': So what?! You're a ventriloquist! You're also a lyin' yellow liver-bellied two-face! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, Scarface! I'm loyal! I'd never! :'''Batman''': He's been feeding me information, in return for legal protection. ''[imitates the Ventriloquist again]'' You're going up the river, sawdust-for-brains! :'''Scarface''': Why, I oughta...! Waste the floor-flusher! Come on, I gave an order! ICE HIM! DO IT! DO IT NOW! :'''Muggsy''': But, boss, we ventilate the Ventriloquist, your, y'know... :'''Scarface''': I'M SURROUNDED BY TRAITORS! Okay, fine. Ya want something done right, do it yourself! ''[aims his gun at the Ventriloquist]'' ===''The Worry Men'' [1.65]=== :'''Veronica''': If ever someone led a worry-free life, it's you, Bruce Wayne. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce''': Tell me, Alfred: what's an ancient Mayan witch doctor doing on a Gotham skyscraper? :'''Alfred''': This isn't one of those Riddler questions, is it? :'''Bruce''': No, but it's just as confusing. <hr width="50%"/> :''[As Batman attempts to escape from his guillotine]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Oh, you're a clever one! But I will not be denied! As the great [[w:Lewis Carroll|Lewis Carroll]] said: "[[w:Jabberwocky|One, two, one, two, and through and through the vorpal blade went snicker-snack! He left it dead, and with its head, he went galumphing back!]]" <hr width="50%"/> :''[Freed from his mind control, the Mad Hatter's jaguar gang turn on him]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Stop! :'''Shaman''': Yes, stop. Leave him to the police. :'''Mad Hatter''': Thank you. Thank you, you generous, forgiving, ''[draws a gun from his hat]'' noble fool! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': I must say, after all the Hatter put him through, that fellow showed remarkable restraint. :'''Bruce''': When everything was said and done, all the shaman really wanted was to go home. In fact, I hear he even sent the Hatter a farewell gift. :''[The Hatter is seen tossing and turning in bed in Arkham]'' :'''Bruce''': Something to ensure that Jervis Tetch only dreams of a good honest life from now on. :''[A Batman doll is revealed from under the Hatter's pillow]'' ==Season 2== ===''Sideshow'' [2.1]=== :'''Killer Croc''': You know, there's something the brains back at the joint didn't think about. :'''Prison Guard''': Yeah, what's that? :'''Killer Croc''': Crocodile's got the strongest jaws of any animal around. ''[bites his handcuffs in half]'' :'''Prison Guard''': ''[spits the coffee out of his mouth and pins Croc with the shotgun]'' Get back! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman arrives with his shadow. Goliath wakes up and Batman covers Goliath's mouth by calming him down]'' :'''Batman''': Calm down, I won't hurt you. I'm just looking for someone: half man, half crocodile. ''[Goliath looks over worriedly]'' He's in there, isn't he? :'''Goliath''': ''[Pushes Batman to the cage]'' No! Stay away! ''[Holds him against it]'' He's one of us. Croc, run! :'''Batman''': ''[Kicks Goliath into the stomach]'' I don't wanna hurt you. :'''Goliath''': Don't worry, you won't. ''[Hits Batman with the big punch and Batman and Goliath starts fighting]'' :'''Killer Croc''': ''[Comes out of the house]'' You. ''[Gives Batman a spear]'' :'''Billy''': Richard, help! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Billy the Seal Boy''': Why, Croc? Why'd you turn on us like that? We could have helped you, we could have done something. :'''Killer Croc''': You said you can be yourself out here, remember? Well, I guess that's what I was doing - being myself. ===''A Bullet For Bullock'' [2.2]=== :'''Bullock''': Let's get something straight from the get-go. I think you're a freak and a menace, and those are your ''good'' points. But the commish says you serve a purpose, so I go along. :'''Batman''': I appreciate your honesty. What's the problem? :'''Bullock''': Somebody's got it in for me. Tried to give me a fender massage last night. It ain't the first time. Last week too. :'''Batman''': Any suspects? :'''Bullock''': So many, they could have their own zip code. I've put a lot of guys away, and they hate me for it. Looks like one of them hates me enough to do something about it. :'''Batman''': Why me? Why not just go to the department? :'''Bullock''': I step on a lot of toes. I don't want Internal Affairs looking at me too close. They might find some things I don't want found. :'''Batman''': Are you on the take? :'''Bullock''': Watch it, freak! I never took a dime from nobody! I just bend the rules a little sometimes, you understand. We're not all that different. :'''Batman''': We're on the same side, but we're ''not'' the same. I'll help you find out who's after you, but you've got to collar them clean. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': We ''are'' speaking of the same person, are we not? Harvey Bullock? The detective who looks like an unmade bed? :'''Batman''': The same. :'''Alfred''': He came to ''you'' for help? It must be serious. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Montoya''': Bullock? You okay? You don't look so good. I mean, you never look good, but today you look worse. :'''Bullock''': After fifteen years working in this cesspool, I'd like to see how good ''you'' look! <hr width="50%"/> :''[In the Batmobile]'' :'''Bullock''': Nice starship you got here. What's this for? ''[points towards a button]'' :'''Batman''': Passenger ejector seat. :''[Bullock withdraws nervously, while Batman smirks slightly]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bullock''': By the way, I still think you're a freak, but... thanks. ===''Trial'' [2.3]=== :'''Two-Face''': Basic fifty-fifty option. You get him off, you both go free. He goes down, you take the fall with him. :'''Mad Hatter''': Amusing idea, what? Kidnapping you to be Batman's attorney? :'''Two-Face''': Personally, I suggested a quick slug between the eyes... but I lost the coin toss. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarface''': Court is now in session! The Good People of Arkham Asylum vs. the Self-Righteous Vigilante Called Batman! Our prosecutor is ready, likewise our fair and impartial jury. :'''Mad Hatter''': Hang him! :'''Harley''': Shoot him! :'''Killer Croc''': Hit him with a rock! :'''Scarface''': And now, all rise for the most honorable, most benevolent, most merciful Judge Joker! :'''Joker''': GUILTY! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I was promised a chance to defend my client! :'''Joker''': Oh, very well. Like it'll make a difference. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I suppose that you, like your friends, claim that Batman ''drove'' you to be a criminal? :'''Mad Hatter''': He did. :'''Janet Van Dorn''': And yet, as I recall in your case, you brainwashed and kidnapped a woman who rejected you. :'''Mad Hatter''': Batman forced me to do it! He was going to take her away from me! I had no choice! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': You could have respected her wishes and left her alone. :'''Mad Hatter''': I'D HAVE KILLED HER FIRST! ''[gasps and covers his mouth, then turns to the Joker]'' I'd like that last statement stricken from the record, please. :'''Joker''': Record? Is someone supposed to be writing this down? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': And so it's Batman's fault you lead a life of crime? :'''Poison Ivy''': He should have let me bump off Harvey Dent. We'd all have been better off - wouldn't we, Harv? :'''Two-Face''': ''[muttering while flipping his coin]'' Why, you rotten little... :'''Janet Van Dorn''': But Miss Isley, isn't the real motivation for your crimes your obsession with plants? That you prefer them to people? :'''Poison Ivy''': I love plants, honey, but a rose is a rose. :'''Janet Van Dorn''': Then it doesn't bother you when someone, let's say the judge here, ''[plucks the flower from the Joker's robe]'' ruthlessly ''plucks'' a defenceless flower from the warm green earth? :'''Poison Ivy''': No! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': Even knowing he's given it his death sentence? That its petals must die? ''[starts pulling its petals out]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': Stop it...! :'''Poison Ivy''': One by one, withering, falling. One by one till it's all gone, ''honey.'' :''[She crushes the flower so that it crumbles apart. Ivy shrieks with rage and attacks her, and the Scarecrow and Mad Hatter rush in to restrain her]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Miss Ivy, please! :'''Scarface''': You look beautiful when you're angry. :''[Ivy smacks the Ventriloquist in the face, and Scarface laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I used to believe Batman was responsible for you people. But now I see nearly everyone here would have ended up exactly the same, Batman or not. Oh, the gimmicks might be different, but you'd all be out there in some form or another bringing misery to Gotham. The truth is, ''you'' created ''him.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Well done, counsellor. You've proven that Batman ''didn't'' create us - that we, in fact, messed up our own rotten lives! And as we are so rotten, vile and depraved... we're going to waste you anyway! :''[The inmates cheer and close in on Batman and Janet]'' :'''Joker''': [[w:Porky Pig|A-bi-a-bi-a-bi, that's all, folks!]] ''[bangs down a rubber chicken]'' Let's mambo! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I see now there's a need for the things you do. But I'm still going to work towards a city that doesn't need Batman. :'''Batman''': ''[smiling]'' Me too. ===''Avatar'' [2.4]=== :'''Lucius Fox''': Without a doubt, this will be one of the best museum exhibitions Gotham City has ever seen. You can be quite the humanitarian on occasion, Bruce. It's commendable. It's inspiring. :'''Bruce''': It's deductible. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce''': You've got a serious priority problem, Ra's. What can be in that tomb that's more valuable than the love of your daughter? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Power, detective. The power once held by almighty Thoth-Khepera, Queen of Two Continents. :'''Bruce''': You surprise me, Ra's. The world's oldest chauvinist chasing after a woman? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Thoth-Khepera was not simply a woman, detective, nor merely a ruler. Through her flowed the power of the gods. With no more than a gesture, she controlled the force of life and death, and with it, she kept a nation under her thumb for one thousand years. :'''Bruce''': You sound like a bad Saturday afternoon serial, Ra's. This is sheer nonsense. :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': No, detective - I know there is a power there to be tapped! My six hundred years of life are proof of that power. :''[Bruce and Talia are trapped in a glass booth]'' :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Farewell, detective. Farewell, Talia. It is said that one finds one's immortality in one's offspring. Alas, I know that to be a lie. ===''House and Garden'' [2.5]=== :'''Batman''': She's done nothing more incriminating than return an overdue video - even paid the late fee. :'''Alfred''': Could it be Ivy truly has reformed? :'''Batman''': I want to believe it. Why can't I? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You haven't changed a bit. :'''Poison Ivy''': Yes, I have. I meant it when I said I wanted a family that loves me. I just wanted it on my terms. :'''Robin''': Lady, you're nuts! :'''Poison Ivy''': Well, that's ''your'' opinion. Probably the last one you'll ever have, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': I'm just sorry she got away. :'''Batman''': Me too, Robin. But I don't think we'll see her again anytime soon. :''[The real Ivy is shown escaping on a plane out of Gotham, looking through a scrapbook]'' :'''Batman''': Ivy lost everything she had, everything she said she ever wanted. For what it's worth, I believed her when she told me that for the first time in her life... she was happy. :''[Ivy sheds tears as she looks at a photo of her wedding]'' ===''The Terrible Trio'' [2.6]=== :'''Warren''': Is this all you do for kicks, Bruce? Charity work? :'''Bruce''': Well, I do have a night life. Pull! ''[shoots down a clay pigeon]'' Besides, it's important to help others. It may sound corny, but hey, it's how I feel. :'''Warren''': You must recognize that you are a superior animal, Bruce. A member of the elite. Pull! ''[shoots down another clay pigeon]'' Take my Delta brothers and me. Why, we've run with the bulls! :'''Armand''': Shot game from hot air balloons! :'''Gunther''': Killed a great white! :'''Warren''': We've done it all. Ah, therein lies the problem. After all, what do the rajas do when there are no more tigers to hunt? :'''Bruce''': I'm sure you'll think of something, Warren. ''[leaves]'' :'''Warren''': Dollar for dollar, that has to be the dullest man in Gotham City. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Scoundrels like these are worse than the Joker. At least he's got madness as an excuse! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Let's go, Fox. You've raided your last chicken coop. :'''Warren''': Wait, wait a minute! We can make a deal! A million dollars to let me go! ''Ten'' million! Think about it. Buys a lot of Batarangs! :'''Batman''': ''[unimpressed]'' Your money's no good here. :'''Warren''': Okay, fine! Go ahead, take me in, hero! I've got every judge in town in my pocket! You'll see! I'll get justice! The best that money can buy! :''[Next, Warren is seen being ushered into a cell at Stonegate, where his burly new cellmate gives him a menacing look]'' ===''Harlequinade'' [2.7]=== :'''Harley''': ''[in handcuffs]'' I sense a lack of trust. :'''Robin''': Are you sure you don't need help keeping Zippy under control? :''[Harley picks the lock on her cuffs while Batman speaks]'' :'''Batman''': I'm fine. Besides, I need you to be ready if Gordon's men get any leads. I'll signal if there's trouble. :'''Robin''': You got it. :'''Harley''': I wanna listen to the radio! ''[reaches for the controls]'' :'''Batman''': DON'T--! :''[Harley Quinn deploys a parachute, causing the Batmobile to swerve wildly. When the Batmobile stops, Batman is furious]'' :'''Harley''': ''[timidly]'' Oops... :'''Batman''': Listen, and listen good. You don't touch anything, say anything, or DO ANYTHING UNLESS I TELL YOU! GOT IT?! :'''Harley''': Yes, sir. :'''Batman''': ''[turns away, Harley begins making faces at him]'' So far, Joker hasn't been seen in any of his old hideouts. I want you to show me the last place he used when he escaped. ''[catches her making a face, which she replaces with a sheepish grin]'' :'''Harley''': Okay! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Instead of taking you, the cops, and the Batman down separately? I'm gonna blast you all at once! ''[takes out his phone and speaks into it]'' Send down the plane, boys! We're blowing town! Literally. ''[gets off the phone]'' :'''Mayor''': But all those innocent people... :'''Joker''': Some joke on them, eh? Think of it as the ultimate punchline! Ha ha ha ha ha! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': It's lucky you were here, Quinn. The countdown sequence didn't leave Joker enough time to swing by Arkham and pick you up. :'''Joker''': Quiet, brat. :'''Harley''': You ''were'' gonna come for me, weren't you, Puddin'? :'''Joker''': Of course, pumpkin-pie! It's just that... well, here you are, so I can, err, save myself the trip! :'''Harley''': But what about all our friends, Ivy and Two-Face and... Hat-Guy and Lizard-Man and Puppet-Head and-- ''[Joker shoves her into the plane]'' :'''Joker''': What about them? :'''Batman''': Don't forget your little pets! :'''Harley''': ''[gasps]'' The babies! We can't leave the babies! :'''Joker''': ''[shoves Harley into the plane again]'' I'll buy you a goldfish! Let's go! :'''Harley''': ''[struggling]'' NO! :'''Joker''': Why, you little...! :''[Harley kicks him in the face]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley''': ''[points the gun against Joker]'' Freeze, clown! :'''Batman''': Quinn, stop! :'''Harley''': He's mine, Bats! :'''Joker''': ''[grinning]'' You wouldn't dare. You don't have the guts! Not in a million years would you-- :''[Harley pulls the trigger - and a flag that reads "Rat-Tat-Tat" comes out of the barrel. The Joker stares at her for a moment, and throws his arms wide to embrace her]'' :'''Joker''': Baby, you're the greatest! ===''Time Out Of Joint'' [2.8]=== :'''Mayor Hill''': You! How did you get past-- :'''The Clock King''': Good evening, Mayor! Nice to see you again too. And whose life are you ruining now? A poor pensioner? A malnourished orphan, perhaps? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Hill''': Please, Fugate, don't hurt me! :'''The Clock King''': If it's any comfort, my revenge will encompass more than just you. I intend to pass a most timely sentence on the entire judicial system. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': It's a shame that you've decided to keep this device a secret. :'''Dr. Wataki''': It would seem that the world is not quite ready for it yet. :'''Robin''': Gee, that's too bad for Fugate. I'm sure he'll wish he had something to make the days pass quicker where he's going. ===''Catwalk'' [2.9]=== :'''Scarface''': Calm down, pussycat. We're all friends here. ''[to the Ventriloquist]'' Dummy, don't keep our pretty guest in the dark. :'''Ventriloquist''': Yes, sir, Mr. Scarface. ''[turns on the lot, revealing him and Scarface]'' :'''Scarface''': Ah, that's better. :'''Selina Kyle''': ''[gasps]'' You gotta be kidding! ''[laughs]'' :'''Scarface''': What's she laughin' at? My fly ain't open, is it?! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, sir. :'''Scarface''': So what's the gag? :'''Selina Kyle''': Oh come on, you know! ''[in a goofy voice]'' "What's the gag?" :'''Scarface''': ''[aims his gun at Selina]'' Can it, sister! This is Scarface you're dealing with, and I don't stand for no disrespect. :'''Ventriloquist''': I'd do as he says, ma'am. Mr. Scarface can be quite insistent. :'''Scarface''': I don't think anyone's talking to you! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, sir. No, sir. :'''Selina Kyle''': Right... so, what do you want with me? :'''Scarface''': My boys happened to be in the museum when they saw your little set-to with Miss Ronnie V. They also seen you licking your whiskers at the sight of Ronnie's pretty sparklers. :'''Selina Kyle''': You're boring me, log. :''[the Ventrloquist pulls out an envelope from his coat]'' :'''Scarface''': So what if I could provide you with a foolproof plan to snatchin' those rocks with no risk of you gettin' caught? :'''Selina Kyle''': Pass. Kitty's been staying it at night. It's not the greatest, but it beats the pound, if you know what I mean. :'''Scarface''': Now, that's a darn shame. And I thought for sure you'd want a chance to get even with the Vreelands. Not just for yourself, ya understand, but for all those poor little stuffed critters what never had the chance to fight back. :'''Selina Kyle''': Oh, barf. :'''Scarface''': It's a 50/50 cut. Take it or leave it? You in or what? :''[Selina thinks about it for a while then picks up the envelope]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': What a pleasant surprise. Though I should warn you - breaking and entering is against the law. :'''Batman''': You would know. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarface''': [[w:Tweety|I thawt I thaw a putty tat!]] <hr width="50%"/> :''[Catwoman crushes Scarface under some logs]'' :'''Catwoman''': That's one way to remove a splinter. What's wrong, Ventriloquist? Cat got your tongue? :'''Ventriloquist''': Please, I never hurt you! Scarface, he's another person, not me, really! :'''Catwoman''': But he's inside you somewhere. And I'm going to keep scratching until I find him. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': [[w:Just So Stories|I am the cat who walks by herself.]] ===''Bane'' [2.10]=== :'''Thorne''': You almost didn't get paid. You're lucky these diamonds didn't get nabbed in the smuggling bust. :'''[[w:Bane (comics)|Bane]]''': No, Mr. Thorne. You are the lucky one. ''[He punches the punching bag across the room]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': He wrecked my car, Alfred. Between two guys, that's ''real'' personal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bane''': Toys. You try to fight me with pathetic little TOYS. You've got nothing! Beg for mercy! SCREAM MY NAME! :'''Batman''': Never. :'''Bane''': You are beaten! Now I will break you! ===''Baby-Doll'' [2.11]=== :'''Robin''': ''[on "Love That Baby"]'' I remember this show from when I was a kid. It still stinks. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At Wayne Manor, Summer Gleeson is on the telephone talking to Marv Wolfman at her office.]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': I don't care what Mayor Hill says. The people have a right to know, and if he won't talk to us-- ''[Batman drops a photo of Baby-Doll onto her desk]'' I'll call you back, Marv. ''[to Batman and Robin]'' Since when are you interested in has-been actors? :'''Batman''': Since that one's been kidnapping her co-stars. :'''Summer Gleeson''': You're serious? :'''Robin''': She's been picking them off, one by one. Any reason she'd have a grudge? :'''Summer Gleeson''': Actually, ''they'' should hate ''her.'' Dahl put them all out of work when she quit the series to become a "dramatic" actress. :''[Summer plays a video of Mary Dahl playing Lady Macbeth]'' :'''Mary Dahl''': What, will these hands never be clean? Here's the smell of the blood still. All the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand. :'''Robin''': Pee-yew! :'''Summer Gleeson''': That's what the critics said. Baby's dramatic career flopped, and when she tried to start her TV show again, the networks turned her down. :'''Batman''': That still doesn't explain why she's after her old cast. :'''Robin''': ''[picks up a cassette]'' Maybe there's a clue in these old episodes. :'''Summer Gleeson''': You can borrow them if you want. And when you crack the case, you can pay me back with an exclusive... ''[turns to see that they have gone]'' interview. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': Naughty, naughty, Daddys! Mustn't yell at your Baby like thats. :'''Tod Baker''': You're not my daughter, and we're not a family! We're actors, remember?! You cancelled our show because you whined you weren't getting enough attention! :'''Baby-Doll''': ''[putting on a sad face]'' But I knows now I made a boo-boo! ''[sniffles and breaks character]'' It was hard for me out there. I studied and trained and auditioned, but no one wanted me. ''[plays the sound of a crowd going "Aww..." on her tape recorder]'' Over the years, I remembered how happy I was with all of you around me, and the folks at home watching me each week. Me, ''[goes back into her "cute" voice]'' Baby-Doll! ''[giggles]'' Now I'm Baby for good, and everyone will love me agains! Hugs, hugs! :''[Her goons force the actors to share a hug with her, and she plays the "Aww..." again]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': ''[watching episodes of Baby Doll's old TV show]'' Remember that time Poison Ivy nearly smothered us in those vines, with the ''really'' sharp thorns? :'''Batman''': Yes. :'''Robin''': This is worse. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': ''[after her TV brother is rendered unconscious by her bodyguard]'' Sorry I had to play roughs, Tippy. I didn't mean to. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': ''[Mariam kicks Robin around]'' Wow, lady! You're good! :'''Mariam''': It's a living... <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman pursues Baby-Doll in a funhouse tunnel maze]'' :'''Baby-Doll''': Silly Mr. Batman can't catch me! :'''Batman''': Don't run away! I know you're scared, confused - I can help you! :'''Baby-Doll''': Liar, liar, cape on fire! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': Game's over, Mr. Batman! ''[laughs]'' I WIN! ''[Batman fires his grappling gun, knocking the doll-gun down a slide]'' No fair! ''[runs to retrieve it, and stumbles into a room full of fun-house mirrors. Picks up the gun, wandering through the various distorted reflections, until she comes to one that shows her as an adult]'' Look! That's me in there. The ''real'' me! There I am... ''[touches the reflection, and her face changes]'' ...But it's not ''really'' real, is it? Just... made up and pretend, like my family and my life and everything else! ''[turns to face Batman, who stands behind her]'' '''''WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST LET ME MAKE-BELIEVE?!''''' ''[fires at mirrors, and cries after breaking the mirror with her adult reflection. Batman approaches her]'' I didn't ''mean'' to... ===''The Lion And The Unicorn'' [2.12]=== :''[Alfred breaks a chair over a thug's head.]'' :'''Robin''': And here all I thought you dusted was furniture. :'''Alfred''': A [[w:Louis XV|Louis Quinze]]; what a pity. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred Pennyworth''': ''[after being drugged with a truth serum]'' You'll get nothing but gibberish out of me, madam. I come from haunts of cootenfern and knicker sudden Sally. Uh... dee-dum dee-dum dee-dum dee-dum, and bicker down the valley. :'''Red Claw''': And people wonder why no one takes Britain seriously anymore. ===''Showdown'' [2.13]=== :'''Sheriff''': Well, well. Jonah Hex, his own bad self. Been here five minutes and you ain't killed nobody nor set nothin' on fire. Slippin', ain't you? :'''[[w:Jonah Hex|Jonah Hex]]''': I'm still a little bushed. :'''Sheriff''': Fact is, you look a little past it, Hex. Not tired, just all used up. :'''Hex''': Well, when I get pushed, I can still shoot a fly out from between its wings. Provided the light's right, of course... and it's a big ''plump'' fly. :''[The sheriff glances down at his own portly figure. Two other bargoers retreat outside, sensing trouble.]'' :'''Sheriff''': I ain't got nothin' on you, Hex... yet. Just remember, them wanted posters say "dead or alive". You might try "alive" this time. :'''Hex''': First time for everything. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duvall''': It would appear we have ourselves a government spy. A rather disreputable-looking one at that. Well, Mr. Spy, I'd say your plan has failed, and the railroad is doomed. :'''Hex''': I ain't no spy! I'm Jonah Hex, and I don't give a tinker's cuss about no railroad. I've come to get ''you'', Arkady Duvall, on account of what you done to that girl back east. :'''Duvall''': ''[chuckles]'' You mean to say, you've tracked me across ''twelve states'' because of that? :'''Hex''': Well, there's also the matter of a 200 dollar reward. That part don't hurt my feelings none. :'''Duvall''': You're either a liar or a fool. :'''Hex''': I've been known to be foolish, but ain't ''nobody'' calls me a liar and goes to bed happy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hex''': Now! Let's you and me dance. :'''Duvall''': You cannot defeat me. I am a Heidelberg fencing champion. :'''Hex''': My heart's all a-flutter. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duvall''': Five thousand in gold, take it. Leave me be. :'''Hex''': It ain't about money, boy. It's about justice. And I aim to serve you some. :'''Duvall''': Let me live, please! :'''Hex''': I will. Only because it's too much trouble to haul your stinkin' carcass back east. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You left Duvall to his fate a century ago. Why come back for him now? :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Did you really think, detective, that in my six hundred years of life, I would have sired only ''one'' offspring? Even before the Phoenix debacle, I had come to realize that Arkady was too unbalanced and cruel to wisely rule my empire. :'''Batman''': But you couldn't forget about him. :'''Ra's al Ghul''': What father can ever forget his son? Come now, detective, I've still a few good years left. We will cross swords another day. But for now, let me take my boy home. ===''Riddler's Reform'' [2.14]=== :''[After learning about the theft of historical antiquities on TV]'' :'''Riddler''': ''[in Bruce's memory]'' Those are things of the past, Batman. Ancient history that's gone now. I'm a new man! But you probably won't figure that out before it's too late! ''[laughs]'' :'''Bruce''': ''He'' did it. :'''Dick''': Who? :'''Bruce''': The Riddler. Remember what he said: "Things of the past." "Ancient history that's gone now." Look! :'''Dick''': Gee, I don't know. His riddles aren't usually that subtle. Besides, he's got a multimillion dollar deal with that toy company. Why would he throw it away over some stupid riddle crime? :'''Bruce''': Because that's the way his warped mind works. He's obsessed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': He's right, you know. :'''Manny''': Who? :'''Riddler''': Batman. He ''is'' going to catch me, sooner or later. :'''Manny''': Gee, boss, you're scaring me. You're talking kinda crazy. :'''Riddler''': DON'T YOU ''EVER'' CALL ME THAT! I fooled the police, the doctors, the Parole Board - all of them! There's only one person who's ever been able to challenge me: ''BATMAN!'' He's the only one worthy of the game! :'''Manny''': But you said sooner or later he's gonna catch you. What are you gonna do? :'''Riddler''': I'm never going back to Arkham! So I guess there's only one thing to do! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': Hello, Batman. This is it: the end of the game. I'm a little sad actually. You were a worthy opponent. But then, I told you I'd make a ''killing'' at the Toy Fair! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': ''[ranting in a cell in Arkham]'' It's IMPOSSIBLE, I tell you! Impossible! My trap was perfect! How did he do it?! I have to know! SOMEBODY TELL ME! IT'S NOT FAIR! THERE WAS NO WAY, I TELL YOU! NO WAY HE COULD HAVE GOTTEN OUT! SOMEBODY TELL ME! DO YOU HEAR ME?! SOMEBODY TELL ME HOW HE DID IT! I HAVE TO KNOW! '''''I HAVE TO KNOOOOOOOOOW!!!''''' ===''Second Chance'' [2.15]=== :'''Penguin''': And what might ''you'' be doing out there? Catching insects for dinner? :'''Batman''': I'm looking for Two-Face. :'''Penguin''': What, did you lose him? ''[chuckles]'' :'''Batman''': Somebody kidnapped him from Gotham Central tonight. You and he had a disagreement sometime ago, didn't you? :'''Penguin''': It's true. Harvey stole a rare ''avis'' right out from under my beak several months ago. A jewel-encrusted statuette of a two-headed [[w:roc (mythology)|roc]]. It was worth millions. But, my dear rodent, I'd never kidnap a fellow rogue out of his sickbed. It just isn't done. :'''Batman''': Honour among thieves? :'''Penguin''': Absolutely. If I were going to attack Harvey, I'd do it face to face... to face, heh, so to speak. Like THIS! ''[laughs and unleashes his birds on Batman]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You may as well come out. I know everything now. :''[A man emerges, his identity obscured by shadows]'' :'''Batman''': You hated Harvey Dent, and would do anything to destroy him. :''[Lightning flashes, revealing the man to be Two-Face himself]'' :'''Two-Face''': Why not? He was going to destroy me. Just like I'm going to destroy you! ''[attacks him]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Harvey, pull yourself up! :'''Harvey''': I can't! I'll drop the coin! :'''Batman''': Drop it! Save yourself! :'''Harvey''': I... I don't know what to do. The coin won't tell me! :'''Batman''': It can't tell you anything! I switched coins when you grabbed me! :'''Robin''': ''[swings and kicks the thugs out of Batman's way]'' Good thing I decided to tag along after all. :'''Batman''': It's a trick coin! It'll always land on edge! It's ''your'' decision now, Harvey! Life or death? The coin or me? :''[Robin threw the batarang to hit the elevator button to send the thug in an elevator, thunderstruck and Harvey/Two-Face decided to drops the coin]'' :'''Harvey''': Batman, help me. :''[Batman tries to give Harvey a hand, but Two-Face suddenly regains control]'' :'''Two-Face''': Never! ''[punches Batman and falls]'' :'''Batman''': ''HARVEY!!!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harvey''': ''[seen in half-shadow, making him appear to once again be Harvey Dent instead of Two-Face]'' Bruce? Good old Bruce. Always there. You never give up on me. :''[Bruce Wayne smiles and pats Harvey's shoulder before he is escorted away]'' :'''Dick''': He's right. You're always there for him. :'''Bruce''': Yes, just like you're always there for me. :'''Dick''': Hey, what are friends for? ===''Harley's Holiday'' [2.16]=== :'''Scarecrow''': I am the Master of Fear! The Lord of Despair! Cower before me in witless terror! :'''Harley''': Hi, Professor Crane! :'''Scarecrow''': ''[Smiling fondly]'' Good evening, child. ''[To Batman and Robin, furiously]'' Worship me, you fools! Worship me! Scream hosannas of anguish to Scarecrow, the all-terrible God of Fear! ''[Guards take him away]'' :'''Robin''': I think he's getting better. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley''': I'm having a BAD DAY! I'm sick of people trying to shoot me, run me over and blow me up! I didn't even get to keep my new dress - I ACTUALLY PAID FOR IT! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman and Robin take Harley back to Arkham]'' :'''Harley''': ''[sadly]'' [[w:To market, to market|Home again, home again, diggity dig...]] :'''Dr. Joan Leland''': Not for too long, though. Ms. Vreeland dropped the kidnapping charges. With a little more hard work, you should be ready to re-enter society for good. :'''Harley''': Yay... ''[to Batman]'' There's one thing I've gotta know. Why'd you stay with me all day, risking your butt for someone who's never given you anything but trouble? :'''Batman''': I know what it's like to try and rebuild a life. ''[takes her dress out of a bag]'' I had a bad day too, once. :'''Harley''': ''[takes the dress, smiling]'' Nice guys like you shouldn't have bad days. ===''Lock-Up'' [2.17]=== :'''Scarecrow''': Don't take me back there, please! Look at me, Batman! I'm shaking with fear! Me! The Scarecrow! I wasn't even going back to crime this time! I just had to get away from... HIM! :'''[[w:Lock-Up (comics)|Lyle Bolton]]''': I'll take it from here, Batman. Lyle Bolton, Chief of security. Congratulations, Professor Crane. You're the first inmate to escape Arkham under my charge. ''[He grabs Crane by the collar; Crane whimpers]'' You're also the last. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bartholomew''': Miss Quinn? Do you have any complaints against Mr. Bolton? :''[Lyle Bolton sneers threateningly at Harley Quinn]'': :'''Harley Quinn''': I got nothing to say. :'''Bartholomew''': But surely you must have something you wish to- :'''Harley Quinn''': You got a hearing problem or something?! NO! NADA! IXNAY! ZERO! ZILCH! BUPKES! NOTHING! OKAY?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': He threatens us! Takes away our privileges, even when we're good! :'''[[w:Lock-Up (comics)|Lyle Bolton]]''': We've heard enough of this nonsense. :'''Jonathon Crane''': He says scum like us must be kept in line! That's why he chains us down at night and electrifies our doors! :'''Scarface''': He held me over a can filled with a termites! Ya hear me?! ''TERMITES!'' :'''Harley Quinn''': He's an animal! :'''Ventriloquist''': A monster! :'''Jonathon Crane''': Keep him away! :'''Lyle Bolton''': '''SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU!''' :''[The guards retrain Lyle Bolton, he kicks the table, resists the guards and attack and them; he threatens to kill the inmates, and Bruce Wayne trips him with the chair]'' :'''Lyle Bolton''': You're all scum! You should be beaten within an inch of your misbegotten lives! :'''Bartholomew''': I've seen enough! ''[pounds the gravel]'' Lyle Bolton, you're dismissed! :'''Lyle Bolton''': Before I came here, Arkham was a revolving door for every maniac in Gotham. ''I'' kept them in! '''ME!''' Now I realize I was wrong to punish those pathetic miscreants! '''THEY'RE ONLY SYMPTOMS! ''YOU'RE'' THE CAUSE! THE GUTLESS POLICE, MINDLESS BUREAUCRATS, AND CODDLING DOCTORS! YOU SHOULD ALL BE LOCKED UP IN A CAGE WITHOUT A KEY!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lock Up''': I could have rid Gotham of the fools in city hall and the police department! We could have made our own order! :'''Batman''': I was born to fight your brand of order! :'''Lock Up''': If that's your decision...! ===''Make 'Em Laugh'' [2.18]=== :'''Dispatcher''': Disturbance reported at the top of the Crown restaurant. Suspect is a male costumed extremist armed with what appears to be a... ketchup gun. :'''Batman''': It's going to be one of those nights. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Condiment King''': So long, suckers! Parting is such "sweet-and-sour" sorrow. ''[Batman yanks away his loot bag]'' What's this? Ah! The big bad Bat-guy. I knew you'd "ketchup" to me sooner or later. How I've "relished" this meeting. You, the dynamic Dark Knight, versus me, the conceptual Condiment King! Come, Batman. Let's see if you can "cut the mustard". :'''Batman''': Quiet! ''[punches the King in the stomach]'' :'''Condiment King''': ''[slumps to ground, gasping]'' You hit me! :'''Batman''': Now listen, Mustard Man, or whatever you call yourself. You're obviously new at this, so I'm willing to go easy on you, provided you give back the loot and never even think about doing this again. Deal? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Buddy's agent''': I don't get it. Buddy's just thrown his entire career away. The network's cancelling his show and the restaurant's suing him for a million dollars. Why did he do it? It just doesn't make sense. ===''Deep Freeze'' [2.19]=== :'''Batman''': Men like Walker are obsessed with getting their own way. And they don't let little things like the ''law'' stop them. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grant Walker''': Do you realize that in your half-frozen state, you will age more slowly than an ordinary human? You're practically immortal, my friend! :'''Mr. Freeze''': Yes, eternal life trapped in this wretched shell! What a miserable joke. :'''Grant Walker''': Miserable to you, but a godsend to me. Look at me, Mr. Freeze, I'm an old man. I've created wonders in my lifetime, but there is still so much to do! I want to change as you have. To become, like you, a being of blessed, eternal cold. :'''Mr. Freeze''': You're insane. :'''Grant Walker''': Only you know how to duplicate the accident that made you what you are. What I long to become! :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[grabs him]'' You want to live like this? Abandoned and alone? A prisoner in a world you can see but never touch? ''[drops him and turns away]'' Old and infirm as you are, I'd trade a thousand of my frozen years for your worst day. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grant Walker''': Every time I open a park, I get gatecrashers. :'''Batman''': We've seen your insane vision of the future, Walker. :'''Grant Walker''': My world will have no crime, violence or pain. :'''Robin''': You can add free will to that list too! :'''Grant Walker''': A small price to pay for order. :'''Batman''': ''Your'' order! For your select few! :'''Grant Walker''': Excuse me, but I fail to see the problem with that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You can't let Walker do this. Billions of people will perish! :'''Mr. Freeze''': That's not my concern. All that matters is I once again have my wife, and the means to restore her. :'''Batman''': She'll wake up in a dead, frozen world that ''you'' helped destroy. She'll ''hate'' you for that! :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''Silence.'' :'''Batman''': You think you're alone now? Wait until she learns the truth. :'''Mr. Freeze''': '''I SAID ''SILENCE!''''' ''[blasts at Batman and Robin, knocking them backward, then turns back to Nora with a saddened face]'' Forgive me... ''[frees Batman and Robin]'' Come, there is much to do. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Dick recovers from hypothermia]'' :'''Dick''': Man, if I spent any more time in that immersion tank, I'd be growing gills. :'''Bruce''': I'm just glad I was able to get you back here in time. :'''Dick''': Thanks. For a while I thought I'd end up like Walker, trapped in a ice cube forever. What about Mr. Freeze? Do you think he's gone for good? :'''Bruce''': I'm not sure. But if Freeze's condition has made him truly immortal... we may not have seen the last of him. ===''Batgirl Returns'' [2.20]=== :'''Catwoman''': Bats are just mice with wings, little girl. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Batgirl|Batgirl]]''': So, what are you going to do? Leave us over one of these vats with acid burning through the rope? :'''Daggett''': ''[Laughs]'' If there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's that you crime-fighting types are very resourceful. So, I'll just have my men shoot you and throw your bodies in the vats. == About ''{{PAGENAME}}'' == *'''PD''': If I had to differentiate between [Batman and Superman], I'd say Superman is sort of about hope. You've got this guy who's an alien and not truly human, but he personifies all the best qualities of humanity. He's sort of an example of what it would be nice to be like. We would all like to be like Superman. We would all like to have power, compassion, the ability to settle problems in a good way, and maybe [be able to] wink to ourselves about how nobody else besides us knows we really have this secret power and we keep it ourselves. There's not a lot of angst with Superman. If there is, it's more like, "I wish I could tell Lois who I really was." Batman is how you'd like to be if you [could] break someone's neck: "I'm pissed off, and I want to go out and do something about it." Superman waits for trouble to happen, and then he goes off and stops the problem. Batman's looking for trouble; he doesn't really start it, but he's out there looking. And if he sees something going on, he just jumps into the middle of it. :'''JA''': Batman's sort of a sociopath too. :'''PD''': He's absolutely a sociopath. He's a sociopath with a lot of money, and he's got a sense of right and wrong. I don't think he's totally bereft of some sort of compassion or feeling for some of the villains. He doesn't go after somebody like Mr. Freeze without a small bit of compassion for the man, or maybe someone like the Mad Hatter, or even Harley, whom he thinks is certainly a pain in the ass, but I think he kind of wishes she'd get her act together and wise up at some point. <br> But with darker characters like the Scarecrow and the Joker, he's basically out to make sure they never get out again - whatever it takes to take them down. Somebody like the Joker is probably the least human of all of Batman's Rogues Gallery. That was why I never wanted to do a story that humanizes the Joker, like we did with the Mad Hatter or Mr. Freeze, because I just don't think the character lends itself to that. He's almost supernatural in a way; he's somebody who's just thoroughly insane, who does what he wants to do, and who has a grudge against Batman. He probably likes horrifying people with his clownish appearance as much as Batman terrorizes criminals with his nightmare-like appearance. The Joker is pretty inhuman. I'd say the same thing about the Scarecrow. He is someone who really gets turned on by scaring people. He's like the anti-Batman. He's a weak, very unimposing man until he puts on the Scarecrow costume, and then goes out and gasses people with fear gas, and he watches them squirm. There's probably a big turn-on seeing people helpless in front of him screaming in fear. *'''PD''': When [[w:Tim Burton|Tim Burton]]'s ''[[Batman (1989 film)|Batman]]'' came out, that was the way to go. Now [[w:Joel Schumacher|Joel Schumacher]]'s [[Batman Forever|Batman]] is out there, and people are flocking to the movies, so they"re saying, "Can you lighten up the show a little bit? Can you have more fun with it?" So that's what we were charged with doing, and that's what we've done: to lighten up the color palette a little bit, so that every character's not just in dark colors. Robin, for instance, is now black, red, and gold, instead of green. Nightwing is black and a light, almost iridescent, blue. We've also given it a little more of a kid-friendly look. :* [[w:Paul Dini|Paul Dini]], [http://animationarena.com/batman_the_animated_series.html "Batman: The Animated Series"], ''Animation Arena''. * The thing with the Batman show—even though it's one of the most beautiful and well-written shows, and it really gets into Batman—is that it doesn't really move that fast. The fight scenes aren't that intense, and it doesn't really go actiony. There's a lot of walking and talking in it. It looks great, but it needs that kick of having action. And I think that's another thing that kids are picking up on: For the first time, you're actually seeing superheroes really fight bad guys. In a lot of the cartoons when I was growing up, like [[w:Super Friends|Super Friends]], there was no fighting of bad guys. They would just get sent off to jail. It was wacky, it was silly, it wasn't intense, and there wasn't real fighting and stuff in it. ** [[w:Craig McCracken|Craig McCracken]] [http://www.avclub.com/article/the-powerpuff-girls-13665 "The Powerpuff Girls"], Keith Phipps, ''A.V.Club'', Jun 21, 2000. == Cast == * [[Kevin Conroy]] - [[w:Batman|Bruce Wayne/Batman]] * [[w:Loren Lester|Loren Lester]] - [[w:Dick Grayson|Dick Grayson/Robin]] * [[w:Melissa Gilbert|Melissa Gilbert]] - [[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara Gordon/Batgirl]] * [[w:Clive Revill|Clive Revill]]/[[w:Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.|Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.]] - [[w:Alfred Pennyworth|Alfred Pennyworth]] * [[w:Bob Hastings|Bob Hastings]] - [[w:James Gordon (comics)|Commissioner James Gordon]] * [[w:Robert Costanzo|Robert Costanzo]] - [[w:Harvey Bullock (comics)|Detective Harvey Bullock]] * [[w:Ingrid Oliu|Ingrid Oliu]]/Liane Schirmer - [[w:Renee Montoya|Officer Renee Montoya]] * [[Mark Hamill]] - [[w:The Joker (comics)|The Joker]] * [[w:Arleen Sorkin|Arleen Sorkin]] - [[w:Harley Quinn|Dr. Harleen Quinzel/Harley Quinn]] * [[Paul Williams (songwriter)|Paul Williams]] - [[w:Penguin (comics)|Oswald Cobblepot/The Penguin]] * [[Adrienne Barbeau]] - [[w:Catwoman|Selina Kyle/Catwoman]] * [[w:John Glover (actor)|John Glover]] - [[w:Riddler|Edward Nygma/The Riddler]] * [[w:Richard Moll|Richard Moll]] - [[w:Two-Face (comics)|Harvey Dent/Two-Face]] * [[w:George Dzundza|George Dzundza]] - [[w:The Ventriloquist (comics)|Arnold Wesker/The Ventriloquist/Scarface]] * [[w:Henry Silva|Henry Silva]] - [[w:Bane (comics)|Bane]] * [[w:Aron Kincaid|Aron Kincaid]] - [[w:Killer Croc|Killer Croc]] * [[w:Marc Singer|Marc Singer]] - [[w:Man-Bat|Dr. Kirk Langstrom/Man-Bat]] * [[w:Ron Perlman|Ron Perlman]] - [[w:Clayface|Matt Hagen/Clayface]] * [[w:Diane Pershing|Diane Pershing]] - [[w:Poison Ivy (comics)|Dr. Pamela Isley/Poison Ivy]] * [[w:Henry Polic II|Henry Polic II]] - [[w:Scarecrow (DC comics)|Dr. Jonathan Crane/The Scarecrow]] * [[w:Roddy McDowall|Roddy McDowall]] - [[w:Mad Hatter|Dr. Jervis Tetch/The Mad Hatter]] * [[w:Michael Ansara|Michael Ansara]] - [[w:Mr. Freeze|Dr. Victor Freeze/Mr. Freeze]] * [[David Warner (actor)|David Warner]] - [[w:Ra's al Ghul|Ra's al Ghul]] ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} {{Batman}} [[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated superhero TV shows]] [[Category:Animated Batman TV shows]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Animated television programs based on Detective Comics]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Fox Broadcasting Company animated television series]] [[Category:Television series by Warner Bros. Animation]] j9aecollfazwkr09ih6j0cfum5pzm01 3778910 3778909 2025-07-14T22:36:33Z 81.151.41.137 /* Be A Clown [1.9] */ 3778910 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Batman-_The_Animated_Series_logo.svg|thumb|I am [[vengeance]]. I am the [[night]]. I am, '''[[Batman|BATMAN]]'''!]] {{italic title}} '''''[[W:Batman: The Animated Series|Batman: The Animated Series]]''''' is an American animated superhero television series based on the [[DC Comics]] superhero Batman. It was succeeded by ''[[The Adventures of Batman & Robin]]'' and ''[[The New Batman Adventures]]''; the first production in the [[w:DC Animated Universe|DC Animated Universe]]. ==Season 1== ===''On Leather Wings'' [1.1]=== :'''Batman''': ''[reading the paper]'' "Gotham Police Declare War on Batman"? :'''Alfred''': I gather you've been reading ''[[w:How to Win Friends and Influence People|How to Make Friends and Influence People]]''? :'''Batman''': Somebody's setting me up. :'''Alfred''': My heavens. You mean it ''wasn't'' you tossing guards out of windows last night? :'''Batman''': ''[amused]'' I only toss butlers, Alfred. <hr width='50%'/> :'''[[w:Rene Auberjonois|Dr. March]]''': You donate a few million, and you think you own the place. I understand I'm to analyse something for you? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Yeah, doc. See, I keep hearing squeaks in my chimney, and I found these in my empty fireplace. They look like hairs. I thought maybe you could tell me if I have a bat problem. :'''Dr. March''': And what if they are bats, Mr. Wayne? What then? Destroy them like insects? We won't survive the next evolutionary cataclysm, but bats will! They're survivors, Mr. Wayne, not pests! You should understand that! <hr width='50%'/> :'''Dr. Kirk Langstrom''': ''[enters laboratory upon hearing noises]'' Who's back there? ''[spots Batman]'' You...! :'''Batman''': I'm looking for Dr. March. :'''Langstrom''' He's not here, Batman. :'''Batman''': Where is he? :'''Langstrom''': Giving a lecture on human extinction and bat evolution. He's really quite brilliant. :'''Batman''': He's misguided, and a thief. ''[holds up a vial of the serum]'' :'''Langstrom''': He's just a theorist, he was afraid to put it to the test. But I wasn't. I knew he'd discovered a formula to create a totally new species, neither man nor bat. And once I started taking it, I couldn't stop. I desperately wanted to, but... ''it'' took over. Francine and March tried to protect me, but it was too late. The beast knew what chemicals were needed to bring itself about! It was out of my control! And it only needs one more component to complete the process! ''[voice lowering]'' It's in ''ME'', Batman! ''[laughs maniacally and begins to change into Man-Bat]'' <hr width='50%'/> :'''Bullock''': Let's go! :'''Lieutenant''': I can’t do it, sir! :'''Bullock''': Whaddaya mean "you can’t do it"?! :'''Lieutenant''': I just got word not to let you up without the Commissioner! :'''Bullock''': Who told you that?! :'''Lieutenant''': The Commissioner! ''[points at Gordon as he arrives]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Get out, Detective! The Mayor may not let me fire you, but I am ''not'' taking the heat for your fiasco! :'''Bullock''': This is my case, Commissioner! You heard the Mayor! :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Then why don't you go take it up with him?! I've got a job to do! If you wanna tag along, fine! ''[gets into the helicopter]'' Take her up, Lieutenant! :'''Bullock''': ''[trying to clamber in as it takes off]'' Hey! Wait for me! ===''Christmas With The Joker'' [1.2]=== :''[the Arkham Asylum inmates practice signing Jingle Bells as other inmates set up a giant Christmas tree]'' :'''Joker''': Jingle bells! Batman smells! Robin laid an egg! ''[gets a tree-topper and climbs to install it]'' The Batmobile lost a wheel and the Jo-ker got a-wa-a-a-ay! ''[attaches the ornament and the Christmas Tree ignites, revealed as a rocket. Joker clambers at it launches]'' Crashing through the roof! In a one-horse-open tree! Busting out I go! Laughing all the WHEEEEE! ''[the "rocket-tree" flies off into the distance as he sings]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the Christmas with the Joker show]'' :'''Joker''': Rumor has it, Christmas is a time to share with family. :'''Laugh track''': Yea! :'''Joker''': And since I don't have one of my own... :'''Laugh track''': Aww... :'''Joker''': I decided to STEAL one! :'''Laugh track''': Yea! :'''Joker''': And here they are: The Awful Lawful Family! ''[lights turn on and reveal Gordon, Summer, and Bullock tied up and gagged]'' Aren't they just the cutest family you've ever seen? :'''Batman''': ''[watching in the Batmobile]'' It's never easy with the Joker. :'''Joker''': Meet Daddy Lawful! ''[ungags Gordon]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': YOU DISEASED MANIAC! I'LL- ''[Joker gags him again]'' :'''Joker''': Hmm. Looks like I'll have to teach Daddy some manners. And here's Mommy Lawful! ''[ungags Summer]'' :'''Summer Gleason''': HELP! SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP US- ''[Joker gags her again]'' :'''Joker''': Ho ho ho, isn't she jolly? And here we have little Baby Lawful! Coochie coochie coo! ''[ungags Bullock]'' :'''Detective Bullock''': WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, I'LL RIP YOUR- ''[Joker gags him again]'' :'''Joker''': I'll bet Batman wishes he had a family just like mine. Personally I think relatives are a bore, so Batman can have them... ''[points to clock showing 10:30PM] if'' he can find them by midnight! Otherwise... ''[makes a throat-slashing motion and laughs]'' ===''Nothing To Fear'' [1.3]=== :''[Bruce is introduced to Dr. Long and he offers a handshake]'' :'''Dr. Long''': ''[looks at hand and pouts off]'' Your father and I attended university together. He had big plans for you. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Well, I guess he'd be pleased. Wayne Industries is more prosperous than ever. :'''Dr. Long''': Pleased? When your father was alive, Wayne was a name that commanded great respect. Now all Wayne stands for is a self-centered jet-setting playboy. It's lucky your father didn't live to see what you've done to his good name. He'd have died of shame. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Scarecrow sprays a security guard with gas]'' :'''Guard''': Stop! What the-- No! No, spiders! Get them offa me! No! NO! ''[cowers in fear]'' :'''Anthony''': What did you do to him, boss? :'''[[w:Scarecrow (DC Comics)|Scarecrow]]''': I merely helped him visualize his innermost terror, which is obviously [[w:arachnophobia|arachnophobia]]. :'''Nigel''': A-whack-a-what? :'''Scarecrow''': Arachnophobia! Fear of spiders, you dimwitted dropout! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': It seems I have underestimated the Batman, but at least the University is finished. :'''Anthony''': Gee, boss, I never liked school, but, uh, how come you hate the university so much? :'''Scarecrow''': They tried to destroy me. :'''Nigel''': You mean they kicked you out 'cause you weren't smart enough? :'''Scarecrow''': No, you simpleton! ''[pinches Nigel's broken nose]'' :'''Nigel''': Ow! :'''Scarecrow''': I taught there. I was a professor of psychology, specializing in phobias. Inducing terror has always intrigued me. Even as a boy, I loved to frighten things. People, animals, it was all the same. I became obsessed with fear's crippling power. Later, when I became their leading Professor of Subliminal Psychology at the University, I began performing experiments on fear and its subsequent effects. Dr. Long thought I went too far - he called me a lunatic. So now, they will learn the true nature of horror! :'''Anthony''': ''[to Nigel]'' Wow, he's a real professor. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman has been exposed to Scarecrow's fear toxin]'' :'''Thomas Wayne''': Bruce... :'''Batman''': No... not now... :'''Thomas Wayne''': You are a disgrace! ''[turns into the [[w:Grim Reaper|Grim Reaper]]]'' :'''Batman''': No... You are NOT my father. I am NOT a disgrace! I am vengeance, I am the night. I...AM...'''BATMAN!''' ===''The Last Laugh'' [1.4]=== :'''Summer Gleeson''': I'm here in Downtown Gotham where corporate CEOs have gone stark, raving mad. It would appear that the collapse of the stock market is now imminent. The question is: Will [[April Fools' Day]] mark the end of Gotham City as we know it? :'''Joker''': The only things gaining now are the laughing stocks! ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[After trapping Batman in a sealed garbage can]'' :'''Joker''': I just love these new Ziploc seals! We wouldn't want our little caged rodent to suffocate, so we'll just ''[draws a knife]'' PUNCH SOME AIRHOLES! ''[laughing, he stabs holes in the can, with Batman being forced to dodge each one]'' Okay, Captain! Give 'er the old heave-ho! ''[Captain Clown salutes and throws the can into the river, where it starts to flood and sink]'' Oops! Looks like our airholes are waterholes too! ''[smirking at the viewer]'' What a shame! ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Justice is served hot, Batman! You're going to melt just like a grilled-cheese sandwich! :''[The Joker tries to send Batman falling into the furnace with a cascade of garbage, but Batman escapes and swings to safety on his grappling hook]'' :'''Batman''': Justice ''will'' be served, Joker. :'''Joker''': Service with a SMILE?! ''[tosses a razor card at Batman, who dodges it just in time]'' :'''Batman''': Clean up your act, Joker. :'''Joker''': Oh, that's a joke, right? Batman finally told a joke! ''[laughing, the Joker draws another card and flings it, but Batman catches it with a smirk. With a gasp of shock, the Joker tries to flee, but gets his food caught on a cable and he ends up dangling over the furnace]'' BATMAN! YOU WOULDN'T LET ME FRY, WOULD YOU?! ''[Batman leans on the railing, pretending to consider it] '''BATMAN!''' [Batman pulls him up]'' ===''Pretty Poison'' [1.5]=== :'''Dent''': So, what do you think? :'''Bruce''': Does she have a sister? :'''Dent''': Nope. Pam's one of a kind. That's why I asked her to marry me. :'''Bruce''': ''[spits out his water upon hearing this]'' WHAT?! :'''Dent''': Yup, that's the page one headline. Hey... is it starting to get warm? :'''Bruce''': You're still flushed from that last kiss. Harvey, you just met her last week! :'''Dent''': And I already know she's the one. Gosh, it's hot in here... :'''Bruce''': Marriage is a major step, Harvs. Don't you think you're rushing it? :'''Dent''': No way. The moment I laid eyes on Pam, her love hit me right in the face. ''[falls right into the food he ordered]'' :'''Bruce''': ''[laughs]'' Harvey, you've lost your mind. Knock it off. ''[sees him unresponsive]'' Harv? Harvey! ''[Later sees Harvey carried into an ambulance and climbs inside]'' Hang on, Harvey. Hang on. <hr width=50%"/> :'''Bullock''': So what'd you put in this mousse?! :'''Chef''': Chocolate, sugar, eggs, cream... :'''Bullock''': STRYCHNINE?! :'''Chef''': No, no, no strychnine. But I added just a pinch of vanilla. :'''Bullock''': ''[turns to a waiter, frustrated]'' You know who did it?! TALK! :'''Waiter''': Hey, I just clean the dishes, okay? <hr width=50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[chuckles]'' Batman! A late night rendezvous? To what do I owe the honor? :'''Batman''': ''[struggling against Ivy's giant flytrap]'' Harvey Dent! :'''Poison Ivy''': Oh, the poor district attorney. I hear he's not expected to live. Oh, it's so sad... ''[feigns crying, which quickly turns to insane laughter]'' :'''Batman''': Why, Isley? :'''Poison Ivy''': Oh, please, call me Poison Ivy. You see, Harvey had to pay for his crime. :'''Batman''': What crime? :'''Poison Ivy''': Why, murder, of course! Plowing up a field of beautiful wildflowers for that silly penitentiary of his. This little rose would be extinct today if I hadn't saved my precious from those horrible bulldozers! The blood of those flowers are on his hands! ''[calms down after her tantrum]'' So his fate was sealed ''[applies lipstick]'' ...with a kiss. And now, so is yours. ''[Ivy's plant holds Batman still as she kisses him; he tries to spit away the poison]'' Oh, what's wrong? Afraid I have cooties? ''[laughs]'' Oh, now you've gone and hurt my feelings. Too bad. I was going to share the antidote with you. ''[opens a bottle and waves it under his nose]'' Lovely fragrance, don't you think? ''[applies a drop to her face]'' I call it "Rose From the Dead". <hr width=50%"/> :''[In a cell in Arkham]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': They can bury me in the ground, as deep as they like. But I'll grow back. ''[to her rose]'' We ''always'' grow back. Don't we, baby? ===''The Underdwellers'' [1.6]=== :'''Sewer King''': Lesson number one is: NOOOOO TAAAALKING! Children are to be seen and not heard. We are the Underdwellers. We are the silent ones. We follow the invisible creed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sewer King''': Frog! The rolls, if you please. :''[Another boy nervously steps over with them; the Sewer King grabs his wrist angrily]'' :'''Sewer King''': You're not Frog! Where is he?! He's not here! ''[smacks the bowl of rolls away]'' NOT HERE! And after all I've done for you ungrateful little monsters! I took you in when nobody else would have you! It is I who care for you! I who provide for you! And only I WHO KNOWS WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU! Would you rather I sent you back into the light? Back to those who hurt you, and sent you away? :''[The children tearfully shake their heads; the Sewer King pushes the dinner table over with a loud crash]'' :'''Sewer King''': THERE WILL BE NOTHING TO EAT UNTIL FROG IS FOUND! NOW OUT WITH YOU! ''OUT WITH YOU!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I don't know what kind of barbarian did this to you, but it's over. And from now on, you'll be treated like human beings. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sewer King''': ''[clapping]'' Bravo. Bravo. You've caused me great distress, you evil bat, yes, yes, yes, you have! You've hurt my pretty pets, and you've frightened my beloved children! :'''Batman''': ''[incredulous and disgusted]'' "Beloved children"?! :'''Sewer King''': Yes! I feed them, I clothe them, I discipline them, and I teach them a trade! And now, I will teach ''you'' something! :''[He stamps on Batman's hands, but Batman swings under the pipe and kicks him from behind, causing him to fall off]'' :'''Batman''': Grab my hand! :'''Sewer King''': ''NEVER!'' :''[He falls into the water, where the alligators close in and seemingly devour him]'' :'''Batman''': A gruesome fate for a gruesome man. :''[He hears the Sewer King laughing, and sees him with the alligators, unharmed]'' :'''Sewer King''': I rather enjoyed it! I told you, they're my pretties! ''[pets one, laughing]'' Have a nice swim! :''[Batman swings over to chase him, narrowly missing the alligators' jaws]'' :'''Batman''': Later. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman pulls the Sewer King out of the way of an oncoming train]'' :'''Sewer King''': Why? Why?! ''Why?!'' :'''Batman''': ''[seething with anger]'' I don't pass sentence. That's for the courts. But this time - ''this time'' - I am ''sorely tempted'' to do the job myself! ===''P.O.V.'' [1.7]=== :''[after Batman grapples up a crane with Officer Montoya to safety]'' :'''Batman''': Are you alright? :''[Machine gun bullets hit around Batman and Officer Montoya, causing both of them to duck]'' :'''Officer Montoya''': Dandy. :'''Batman''': Then don't go away. :'''Officer Montoya''': ''[Batman leaves as more machine gun bullets hit. Montoya stays down]'' Count on it. <hr width="50%"/> :''[after Commissioner Gordon congratulates Officer Montoya for foiling the dock heist with Batman's aid]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': I have to hand it to you, Montoya. You and the Batman really turned this thing around. :'''Patrolman Wilkes''': Yeah, what a [[wikt:collar|collar]]! You didn't just bust 'em, you put the whole gang out of commission. ''[Lieutenant Hackle appears to accuse Montoya]'' :'''Lieutenant Hackle''': What collar? She's suspended! ''[Gordon angrily grabs Heckle]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': This [[wikt:farce|farce]] has gone far enough, Hackle! We apprehended the suspects and recovered our money. The investigation is closed! ''[He grabs three confiscated police badges out of Hackle's suit pocket and shoves him aside. He hands the badges to Officer Montoya]'' Officer Montoya earned this collar. :'''Officer Montoya''': The collar belongs to all three of us, Commissioner. It was a team effort. ''[Montoya accepts hers and hands Wilkes back his badge]'' :'''Patrolman Wilkes''': Gee... thanks, partner! :'''Detective Bullock''': ''[grumbling under his breath]'' Yeah, yeah... :'''Officer Montoya''': What was that, Bullock? ''[happily gives badge to Bullock]'' :'''Detective Bullock''': ''[reluctantly hesitates, accepts his badge]'' I said... Thanks a lot, Montoya. ===''The Forgotten'' [1.8]=== :'''Bruce''': What is this? :'''Smith''': If it's moving, it's a rat. If it isn't, it's a cooked rat. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': ''[Alfred flies the Batwing to the tracking device's location]'' This must be the place! Bring us down! :'''Batwing Computer''': Negative. :'''Alfred''': ''[pressing buttons madly]'' But Master Bruce is down there! We HAVE to land! :'''Computer''': Impossible. Area too confined. :'''Alfred''': ''[pounds the console]'' Land, you bucket of bolts! :'''Computer''': Your funeral. :'''Alfred''': Oh, dear...! ''[The Batwing flies down abruptly. Bruce, escaping the mine, sees the Batwing fly over]'' :'''Bruce''': ''[Smiles]'' Son of a gun! :''[The Batwing reaches a flat area near Bruce and lands. The cockpit opens.]'' :'''Computer''': Watch your step. :'''Alfred''': ''[tumbles out, dazed]'' [[w:Juan Rodriguez Cabrillo|I-I-I claim this land... for Spain]]. ''[collapses]'' ===''Be A Clown'' [1.9]=== :'''Jordan''': How can I get to be a great magician like you, Jekko? :'''"Jekko"''': Well, there are three steps! Step one: run away. Step two: find a magician with a great act. And step three: ''steal it.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Summer Gleason''': ''[reporting on TV]'' Denying reports of a bomb blast at his son's birthday party, Mayor Hill insists the explosion was caused by faulty electrical wiring. :'''"Jekko"''': Yeah! RIGHT! ''[laughs]'' :'''Summer Gleason''': The Mayor declined, however, to confirm that his son Jordan was missing. :'''"Jekko"''': Missing? :'''Jordan''': ''[coming into view]'' It's me, Jekko. I ran away. :'''"Jekko"''': You did '''WHAT?!?''' :'''Jordan''': I want to be a magician, like you. :'''"Jekko"''': Why, you... ''[laughs]'' Well, kid, you got step one right! Come on in. I've been thinking about a protégé. <hr width="50%"/> :'''"Jekko"''': ''[sees Batman approaching on a monitor]'' Well, if it ain't the Caped Coconut... :'''Jordan''': My dad says Batman's no good. :'''"Jekko"''': Well, then I guess your dad's not a ''total'' idiot! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman is trapped inside a tank filled with water, complete with a straitjacket and leg restraints]'' :'''"Jekko"''': For your viewing pleasure, we present... the infamous water tank trap! The great [[w:Harry Houdini|Houdini]] survived such a test. Dare we demand less of the Batman?! :'''Jordan''': I don't like this, Jekko... :'''"Jekko"''': Quiet, kid, it's a free ticket. :''[Batman manages to free the sleeves of the jacket]'' :'''Jordan''': ''[clapping]'' He did it! He got free! :'''"Jekko"''': They don't make straitjackets like they used to. ''[grinning]'' I should know... :''[Batman wriggles out of the jacket and undoes the leg restraints, but struggles to break the glass]'' :'''Jordan''': He can't get out! What's the trick? :'''"Jekko"''': That's just it! THERE IS NO TRICK! :'''Jordan''': No! He'll drown! :''[Jordan grabs an axe and strikes the side of the tank to try and free Batman, but "Jekko" takes the axe away]'' :'''"Jekko"/Joker''': That's why they call it the FINALE! ''[throws down the axe and discards his "Jekko the Clown" mask]'' Now sit down and enjoy the show! ===''Two-Face Part 1'' [1.10]=== :''[Dent's raid on Thorne has been aborted by the judge due to supposed lack of reliable evidence]'' :'''Dent''': No! NO! '''I SPENT ''THREE MONTHS'' ON THAT RAID!''' He can't overturn! The fool! HE'S ''BEEN BOUGHT! LIKE ALL THE REST!'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[tries to restrain him]'' Harvey, please try to calm down. This sort of behavior doesn't run well with the voters- :'''Dent''': ''LET GO OF ME, YOU RICH TWIT!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dent''': Stealing someone's psychiatric file is pretty low, Thorne! Even for a swine like you! :'''[[w:John Vernon|Rupert Thorne]]''': But it makes for such fascinating reading. Listen to this, boys. Says here that when Harvey was a little boy, he was bothered by a bully. Every day the bully would bug him after school, until one day little Harvey got so mad, he slugged him one. :'''Thorne's Thugs''': Oooh! :'''Rupert Thorne''': Of course, the bully ran away, which made little Harvey very proud. Until he heard that the bully was in the hospital. :'''Candace''': That was some punch. :'''Rupert Thorne''': ''[chuckles]'' That's what Harvey thought. Except the guy was in the hospital for appendicitis! ''[chuckles again]'' But poor Harvey felt so guilty, he never showed his anger again. And that was the start of "Big Bad Harv". :'''Dent''': What do you want? :'''Rupert Thorne''': Just a few favors from the D.A.'s office. :'''Dent''': You're dreaming. :'''Rupert Thorne''': Otherwise, as a concerned citizen, I'd be compelled to give this to the press. After all, the people of Gotham have a right to know the kind of person... or should I say "persons", they've elected. So, what do you say, Harvey? Do we have a deal? :''[Harvey's face has contorted in building rage the entire time, but suddenly relaxes into deceptive docility]'' :'''Dent''': There's just one problem. :'''Rupert Thorne''': What's that? :'''Dent''': ''[in Big Bad Harv's voice]'' '''''You're talking to the wrong Harvey.''''' ===''Two-Face Part 2'' [1.11]=== :''[In a nightmare, Harvey is being chased by a dark shadow. He suddenly realizes he is standing on a collapsing wooden bridge]'' :'''Harvey Dent''': Stay back! ''[the shadow reveals itself to be Batman, pleading for Harvey's help]'' :'''Batman''': Harvey, please, let me help you! :'''Harvey Dent''': You?! You saw what was happening! You knew that something was terribly wrong with me! I thought you were my friend! You should have been able to help me--but you didn't! ''[Harvey covers his face with his two hands, now transformed into Two-Face]'' :'''Two-Face''': ''NOW LOOK AT ME!!'' :'''Batman''': But I tried, Harvey. I... ''[the bridge pulls itself apart, causing Two-Face to fall off]'' Harvey! :'''Two-Face''': ''[Plummets into an abyss of glowing red light] WHY COULDN'T YOU SAVE ME...?!!'' :''[Batman looks down the edge and gasps with horrified shock. He instead sees his late parents Thomas and Martha Wayne underneath a single lamppost. They both raise their heads in sadness]'' :'''Thomas Wayne''': Why couldn't you save us, son? :''[Bruce wakes up, sweating with fear. He then turns to a photo of Two-Face from a newspaper]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': So what are you dreaming tonight, Harvey? Peaceful dreams? Nightmares? Maybe both at once. Sleep well, my friend. Whether you are, whatever you've become... I ''will'' save you. I swear. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Two-Face''': This is my world now. A dichotomy of order and chaos - just like me. :'''Grace''': Harvey, what's happened to your mind, your feelings? You used to listen to your feelings. :'''Two-Face''': ''[flipping his coin]'' This is what I listen to now. ''Chance,'' Grace. Chance is everything. Whether you're born or not, whether you live or die, whether you're good or bad... it's all arbitrary. :'''Grace''': That's nonsense, Harvey. Was it chance that made you District Attorney? Was it chance that made you fall in love with me? Take control of your life, Harvey. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Two-Face grabs a tommy gun and aims at a defenceless Thorne]'' :'''Rupert Thorne''': No! Two-Face, don't! ''[to Batman]'' You can't let him! :'''Grace''': Harvey! What are you doing?! :'''Two-Face''': Taking control of my life. :'''Batman''': Let the law handle it. :'''Two-Face''': "The law"?! ''[takes out his coin]'' Here's the only law! The law of averages! The great equalizer! :''[Two-Face flips the coin, but Batman throws out a crate of other coins, and Two-Face's is lost among them as they spill out]'' :'''Two-Face''': ''[horrified and panicked]'' NO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! ''[searches through them frantically]'' My coin! Where is it?! I can't decide without...! Oh no, it's ''gotta'' be here, it's ''gotta! [shrieks with anguish]'' '''''I HAVE TO HAVE IT!!!''''' :''[He continues to scream, swiping the coins aside before collapsing in tears; Grace gently comforts him]'' :'''Grace''': It's all right now, Harvey. I'm here. ===''It's Never Too Late'' [1.12]=== :'''Father Michael Stromwell''': Arnold? That's one soul I wish I could give up on. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arnold Stromwell''': I don't need your help! :'''Michael Stromwell''': Is that a fact? An empire crumbling? A marriage shattered? A son lost? Sure, you're doing fine. ===''I've Got Batman In My Basement'' [1.13]=== :''[after Penguin's goons successfully steal a [[w:Fabergé egg|Fabergé egg]] on a tall building]'' :'''Goon 1''': ''[chuckles]'' A piece of cake, just like the boss said. :'''Goon 2''': Yeah, all it took was five minutes. ''[Batman makes his surprise appearance to the goons]'' :'''Batman''': And that'll get you five ''years''... ''[pause]'' with good behavior. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Be-fowled by a couple of fledgelings! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Grant''': Sherman, what are you doing down there? :'''Sherman''': Nothing, Mom! :'''Mrs. Grant''': You're not trying to make gunpowder again, are you? :'''Sherman''': No, Mom! Honest! :'''Roberta''': We just saved Batman's life, Mrs. Grant, and now we're hiding him from some bad criminals. :'''Mrs. Grant''': That's good, just don't make a mess. ''[leaves]'' :'''Sherman''': Nice going, Miss Big Mouth. :'''Roberta''': ''[shrugging]'' Sorry, Sherman, I guess I panicked. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Gentlemen - and I use the term loosely - after you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Eurgh, how bourgeois. Tearing this place apart could only improve it! Let the egg hunt begin! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Grant''': Young man, you've got some serious explaining to do! ''[sees Batman and the defeated Penguin and gasps]'' :'''Sherman''': Err, Mom, I'd like you to meet Batman. Batman, this is my mom. :'''Batman''': Ma'am. :'''Mrs. Grant''': Oh, hello... :'''Sherman''': Say, Batman, you wouldn't be single, would you? ===''[[w:Heart of Ice (Batman: The Animated Series)|Heart of Ice]]'' [1.14]=== :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[gazes at the ballerina snow globe]'' This is how I'll always remember you. Surrounded by [[winter]] forever young, forever beautiful. Rest well, my love. The monster who took you from me will soon learn that [[revenge]] is a dish... ''[opens his eyes through his red goggles]'' best served '''cold'''. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman infiltrates an office in GothCorp headquarters and sees a classified file with a videotape and medical records of a woman named Nora Fries. He plays the tape on a nearby VCR]'' :'''Victor Fries''': ''[on the tape]'' My name is Doctor Victor Fries. I am recording what I pray would be mankind's first step toward immortality. ''[camera pans to a large machine with a glass capsule and a woman inside it]'' Behind me, you see the CC-100, a cryogenic freezing chamber of my own design. I created it for the express purpose of freezing subjects stricken with inoperable ailments. Subjects like... my own beloved wife, Nora. Once a remedy has been found-- ''[reacts to a loud banging on the door]'' :'''Ferris Boyle''': ''[Behind the door]'' Open this door! Open it now! ''[A security guard kicks the door down, Ferris and another guard step into the room. Boyle confronts Fries angrily.]'' Get away from that equipment! ''[Orders his guards]'' Shut this stuff down. :'''Fries''': ''[Panicked]'' Stop! This is my experiment! :'''Boyle''': Your ''unauthorized'' experiment. I ordered funding suspended weeks ago! I'm already three million in debt thanks to you! :'''Fries''': You can't stop it now! My wife is in there! :'''Boyle''': So bring her out! :'''Fries''': You can't interrupt the process now! :'''Boyle''': ''[unmoved; to guard]'' Open it. :'''Fries''': ''[desperately holds on to Boyle]'' It's her only chance! :'''Boyle''': ''[shrugs off Fries]'' This is MY equipment! ''MINE!'' I have every legal right to use it or not use it as I see fit. I say this project ends ''now!'' :'''Fries''': ''[grabs pistol from security guard and aims it at Ferris]'' '''NO!''' Stay away from her, murderer! :'''Boyle''': ''[tries to act charming to Fries]'' Victor... I'm sorry... I lost my temper. It doesn't have to come to this. We can talk! ''[Fries calms down and Boyle kicks him into a table of cryonic chemicals. Victor screams in pain as the cloud of volatile chemicals engulf him. Boyle steps away in fear and runs out of the room with his guards]'' Get out. Get out! :'''Fries''': ''[Clinging to his freezing chamber, screaming through the glass] Nora! NORA...! [passes out. The tape ends]'' :'''Batman''': ''[Horrified]'' My God! :''[A voice rings out--it's Mr. Freeze, who just snuck in the room]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': Yes. It would move me to tears, if I still had tears to shed. ''[freezes Batman with his cryo-gun]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mr. Freeze raids the award ceremony and confronts Ferris Boyle, who is receiving a humanitarian award]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': The cold eyes of vengeance are upon you, Boyle. :'''Ferris Boyle''': Who...who ''are'' you?! :'''Mr. Freeze''': Come, now. Surely you remember your old colleague... Victor Fries? :''[Mr. Freeze aims and fires his freezing gun at Boyle's feet, ice slowly covering up his legs to his waist]'' :'''Boyle''': ''[cries in pain]'' NO! No...! Stop... please... I... b-beg you! ''[Mr. Freeze stops his freezing gun for a moment of clarity]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': You... ''beg?'' In my nightmares I see my Nora behind the glass, begging to me with frozen eyes. How I've longed to see that look frozen on you. :''[Batman batarangs Mr Freeze's cryo-gun and attacks him. Mr Freeze overpowers Batman and throws him off]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': The advanced circuitry that powers my suit also triples my strength! ''[engages Batman, and lifts him off the ground]'' Sooner or later, all who stand in my way must feel the icy touch of death! :''[Mr. Freeze is about to kill Batman, but collapses when Batman smashes his glass helmet with a thermos full of chicken soup given to him by Alfred earlier]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': ''[walks next to Batman]'' Ooh...! What was that stuff? :'''Batman''': The only way to fight a cold. :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[as his suit falters]'' It can't end this way... vengeance...! :'''Batman''': No, ''justice''. A year ago, Ferris Boyle interrupted an experiment, and in the process destroyed two lives. ''[gives Summer Gleeson the tape he found]'' Here's the evidence. ''[walks to a still shivering Boyle; he sneers at Boyle with disgust]'' Good night, humanitarian! ''[walks off]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mr. Freeze is in his subzero cell in Arkham Asylum, gazing into his ballerina snow globe]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': I failed you. I wish there were another way for me to say it... but I cannot. ''[Tears silently slide down his face]'' I can only beg your [[forgiveness]] and pray you hear me somehow, someplace. Someplace... where a warm hand waits for mine. ===''The Cat And The Claw Part 1'' [1.15]=== :'''Stern''': Now if you'll excuse me, I've given you all the time I can spare. :'''Selina Kyle''': You'll find more time for me, Mr. Stern. Before I'm through, I'll have every environmental group and animal rights activist breathing down your neck. They'll be looking at you and your project so closely, you'll feel like a bug in a bell-jar. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You're late. :'''Mob Boss''': Can't you walk up to someone normal-like? :'''Batman''': I hear you have some information. :'''Mob Boss''': Under one condition: Lay off the South Side. :'''Batman''': Keep this up, and I'll be on you from all sides. North, south, east, and west. ===''The Cat And The Claw Part 2'' [1.16]=== :'''Batman''': Red Claw? A woman? :'''[[W:Red_Claw|Red Claw]]''': Do you have a problem with that, Batman? :'''Batman''': Not at all. I'm an equal opportunity crime fighter! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I didn't want you taken away like a common criminal. :'''Catwoman''': So you do care. :'''Batman''': ''[handcuffing her]'' More than you'll ever know. ===''See No Evil'' [1.17]=== :'''Lloyd Ventrix''': See you 'round, Batman! Too bad you can't say the same! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Ventrix, the suit! It's poison! :'''Ventrix''': So what if it is?! I don't care! As long as I have it, I can take my daughter back whenever I want! Her mother won't stop me, AND NEITHER WILL YOU! ===''Beware The Gray Ghost'' [1.18]=== :''[At a video shop, Bruce Wayne asks for Gray Ghost films]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': I'd like the ''Gray Ghost''. :'''Store Clerk''': ''[smirks and walks away]'' Hmm. Name something else. :'''Wayne''': You said you had everything. :'''Store Clerk''': Except the ''Gray Ghost''! Nobody has it! The studio that made the show, Spectra? It burned down 20 years ago. The negatives all went up like kindling, real shame. :'''Wayne''': So the ''Gray Ghost'' doesn't exist? :'''Clerk''': Not anymore. Sorry, pal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Simon Trent''': ''[Hands Batman a film reel with the key the mystery]'' Here's your answer, take it and go! :'''Batman''': I used to admire what the Gray Ghost stood for... :'''Simon Trent''': I'm not the Gray Ghost! :'''Batman''': ''[coldly]'' I can see that now. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the launch of the Gray Ghost videos]'' :'''Bruce''': Could you make this out to 'Bruce'? :'''Gray Ghost''': ''[signing autograph]'' Here you are, Bruce. :'''Bruce''': Thanks. As a kid, I used to watch you with my father. The Gray Ghost was my hero. :'''Gray Ghost''': ''[realizing]'' Really... :'''Bruce''': ''[smiling]'' And he still is. ===''Prophecy Of Doom'' [1.19]=== :'''Nostromos''': I predict... you and I are about to become rich as pigs! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lucas''': No one could've predicted Batman would spot me. Not even the great Nostromos. Besides, how do you know Wayne survived? :'''Nostromos''': The news said he got off the elevator right before it fell, you pathetic amateur! :'''Lucas''': Well, you didn't predict he would ''die'', exactly... ===''Feat Of Clay Part 1'' [1.20]=== :''[About Matt Hagen's repeated use of "Renuyu" to restore his disfigured face]'' :'''Teddy Lupus''': You can't go on like this, Matt. You hurt all the time now. :'''[[w:Clayface|Matt Hagen]]''': ''[irritated]'' You're just my stand-in, Lupus. Nobody promoted you to nursemaid! :'''Lupus''': That stuff makes your face like putty, Matt; it can't be good for ya. :'''Hagen''': It probably ain't good for me. But unless I only want to do ''horror'' pictures, it ain't bad for me either. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Listen up, scumwad, 'cause I'm only gonna ask you once. Who was Lucius Fox meeting at the tram? :'''Raymond Bell''': Wayne... Bruce Wayne! :'''Batman''': You lying sleaze! You wanna rethink that answer? ===''Feat Of Clay Part 2'' [1.21]=== :'''Clayface''': ''[testing his new shapeshifting powers]'' The formula must have soaked every cell in my body. :'''Teddy Lupus''': It's.... It's some kind of miracle! ''[sees Matt change back into Clayface]'' Wha... What are you doing? :'''Clayface''': No. No! You broke my concentration! It won't work, don't you see?! It's too hard! It's like tensing a muscle - I can't keep it up for long! MY CAREER, MY ''LIFE'' - IT ''IS'' GONE! AND I CAN NEVER GET IT BACK! ''[In his rage, Clayface destroys several things in the trailer]'' I'm not an actor anymore! I'm not even... a ''man''! ''[Sobs softly]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Clayface''': Not even the Batman could stop me, Teddy. And that means ''Daggett'' won't have a prayer. :'''Teddy''': Matt, please, you don't wanna do anything crazy. Why don't you try to get some shuteye? :'''Clayface''': ''[growls]'' DON'T YOU DARE PATRONIZE ME!!! I told you I don't need rest! I don't need food! AND I DON'T NEED YOU!!!! ''[grabs Teddy and throws him to a bookcase then walks out the door]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Roland Daggett is at a talk show talking about Renuyu facial cream and the host entertains audience questions]'' :'''Woman''': I'd like to ask Mr. Daggett about the rumors I've heard. I hear he's selling Renuyu through direct marketing because stores won't carry it due to its harmful side effects. :'''[[w:Roland Daggett|Roland Daggett]]''': Well that's, uh, absolutely untrue- :'''Woman''': ''[stands up and approaches him]'' What about the addictive properties of Renuyu, Mr. Daggett? Once you're hooked, you can't stop using it without horrible...''pain''! :'''Daggett''': No! I mean... That's just not so! :'''Woman''': Why don't you show them what an ''overdose'' can do, Daggett?! Why don't you tell them ''[voices goes deeper]'' about ME?! ''[transforms into Clayface]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Batman tricks Clayface into confronting him in a recording room, where he turns multiple screens showing headshots of Clayface's past roles]'' :'''Clayface''': What are you doing?! Stop it! :'''Batman''': Look at them, Hagan. Look at what you used to be. :'''Clayface''': No, no! Turn them off! :'''Batman''': You can play those roles again, Hagan. Let me help you find a cure. :'''Clayface''': ''[begins to shapeshift into his past roles]'' No! Hagan's gone! Make him stop haunting me! ''[begins to uncontrollably shapeshift into his past roles]'' Stop it! Turn them off! I can't control it! I can't be all of them! Not all at once! :''[Batman tries to turn on some more screens, but Clayface knocks him out of the way and smashes the control panels; Clayface yanks off one of the screens and throws it at Batman, who dodges; the screen hits the big screen, causing an explosion; the police arrive to see Clayface in his shapeshifting seizure as he shifts his face into Bruce Wayne]'' :'''Officer''': Mother of mercy! It looks just like Bruce Wayne! :''[Clayface punches through two screens, electrocuting him and reverting back into his true form and he topples over; Batman walks up to Clayface]'' :'''Clayface''': ''[morphs into Matt Hagan]'' You know what I'd have given for a death scene like this? ''[morphs into his scarred form]'' Too bad I won't get to... read the notices. ''[faints and reverts back to his true form.]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Lucius Fox''': I'm just glad to know it wasn't really Bruce Wayne who attacked me. :'''Summer Gleeson''': Thank you, Mr. Fox. All charges against Wayne have, of course, been dropped. And Roland Daggett remains in custody. :''[as Alfred turns off the TV, Batman is experimenting with a piece of Clayface's clay]'' :'''Alfred''': My word, sir. I should think after all this, it would time to rest. :'''Batman''': Look. A piece of clay left behind when they took Hagan's body away. Watch. ''[zaps the clay with electricity, causing it to morph into multiple shapes]'' :'''Alfred''': Electricity has no effect on it? :'''Batman''': Exactly. ''[scene changes to a morgue where a doctor uncovers Clayface's body; voice-over]'' I wouldn't be surprised if the body they took to the morgue was only a shell ''[Clayface's body cracks and crumbles into little pieces]'' Don't forget, first and foremost, Hagan was an actor. ''[scene changes to Teddy outside the hospital]'' He said it himself, Alfred. He called it a scene. Maybe the greatest scene in his career. :'''Teddy''': ''[sadly]'' See you 'round, Matt. ''[walks away]'' :'''Batman''': A death scene so real... it fooled us all. :''[a woman laughs maniacally as her voice grows deeper and her eyes turn yellow, revealing her to be a disguised Clayface]'' ===''Joker's Favor'' [1.22]=== :'''[[w:Joker (comics)|Joker]]''': ''[tosses two pennies on the ground]'' There's your two cents. Now, what are you going to do to me? :'''Charlie''': Listen.... I... O'm sorry, really! I.... I had a bad day. Boss turned down my raise, and... :'''Joker''': Now look, my rude friend! We can't have people cursing at each other on the freeway. It's simply ''not polite''! ''[jumps down and grabs him]'' I'm just going to have to teach you some manners. ''[reaches into his coat]'' :'''Charlie''': Please don't! I have a family, a wife, a little boy! Please! I'll do anything to make it up! Anything! :'''Joker''': Anything, says you? ''[Charlie nods; Joker releases him]'' Okee-dokee! Wallet. :'''Charlie''': Uh, okay. I don't have much cash. :'''Joker''': Oh, please! Don't insult me! ''[takes out driver's license]'' Charles Michael Collins. That's you! Tsk tsk, lousy picture, though. Lousy! Address, height, weight, blah blah blah. ''[tosses the wallet back and keeps the license]'' Righty-o, Chuckers! Here's the deal. I'll let you off if you promise to do a little favor for me. :'''Charlie''': Okay. What? :'''Joker''': ''I DON'T KNOW! I HAVEN'T THOUGHT OF IT YET!'' You just toddle on back to your mundane, meaningless little life, and when I need you, I'll call. Fair? Good? Great! I'll be in touch. ''[walks away, laughing maniacally]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Charlie''': Hello? :'''Joker''': Hello, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': Wrong number, pal. My name is Don. :'''Joker''': Oh, no, no, no. This IS the right number, Charles Michael Collins. Oh, I don't know why you changed your name to Don Wallace and moved your family to 12 Marigold Lane, Springdale, Ohio. One might think you were trying to skip out on our little deal. ''[to Harley Quinn]'' Leave the sideburns. :'''Charlie''': Uh... how did you find me? :'''Joker''': Oh, I never lost you, Chaz. You've become my... HOBBY!! ''[laughs maniacally]'' Now, listen up, Charlie Brown. You're booked on the next flight to Gotham. Tell the family you have to visit a sick friend. Oh, and let's keep this to ourselves, 'kay? Bad things happen to people who gossip, capisce, Carlo? ''[Charlie looks out the window to see Joker's henchmen pull up to his house]'' :'''Charlie''': Yeah... :'''Joker''': Good! See ya! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': You miserable little ''nobody!'' If I get caught, your wife and son are history! :'''Charlie''': You're not getting caught. Not this time. I found this blown out of the van. :''[He pulls one of the Joker's bombs from his jacket, and the Joker looks shocked and afraid]'' :'''Charlie''': This is how it ends, Joker. No big schemes, no grand fight to the finish with the Dark Knight. Tomorrow, all the papers will say is that the great Joker was found blown to bits in an alley, alongside a "miserable little nobody"! ''[chuckles]'' Kinda funny. Ironic, really. See? I can destroy a man's dreams too! And that's really the only dream you've got, isn't it?! :'''Joker''': ''[still scared]'' Look, Charlie, you've had a busy day! All this running around, all this excitement with... ''[yelling out desperately]'' '''''BATMAN!''''' Stop! You... you're crazy! :'''Charlie''': I had a good teacher! ''[chuckles]'' Say goodnight, Gracie! :'''Joker''': ''[terrified, trying to crawl away]'' NO! '''BATMAN! ''BATMAN!''''' ''[sees Batman in the shadows, and gasps with relief and annoyance]'' How long have you been there?! :'''Batman''': Long enough. Put it down, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': You know he'll just escape again! This is the only way my family stays safe! :'''Joker''': All right, you win! Take it easy! ''[surrenders his notebook to Batman]'' Here's everything on his blasted family - names, addresses, it's all there! You're no fun anymore, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': Hey, Joker! ''[throws the bomb at the Joker, who cowers behind Batman - only for the "bomb" to release harmless confetti]'' Gotcha! :''[Batman lets out a short laugh]'' :'''Joker''': ''[dryly]'' Oh, very funny. A million laughs. :'''Batman''': Go home, Mr. Collins. :'''Charlie''': Home. I never thought that could sound so good. I wonder what Bonnie's making for dinner. Right now, anything would taste great. Even meatloaf. ===''Vendetta'' [1.23]=== :'''Batman''': Here's how it works, slimeball. I have questions, and if you have answers, I'll leave you alone. :'''Rupert Thorne''': Oh, I have plenty of answers... thirty-eight caliber answers. Now then, you were saying? :'''Batman''': ''[Using Thorne as a shield]'' I was saying, you'd better hope your men are ''very'' good shots. It's too hot in here. Let's get some air. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Killer Croc''': Terrific. Just what I need now. The freak job in the cape. :'''Batman''': You're no prize yourself. :'''Killer Croc''': ''[strangling Batman]'' What can I tell you now? Being a reptile man ain't pretty... but it's got its upside. Like having the strength of a crocodile, for instance! But I guess you've learned that by now, huh? ''[forcing Batman into the water]'' The hard way. You know, they used to call "Killer Croc" the meanest dude in the Wrestling Federation. Now they'll call him the guy who iced the Batman! :'''Batman''': ''[flip-kicks Killer Croc really hard and gets out of the water]'' Don't hold your breath. ===''Fear Of Victory'' [1.24]=== :'''Mr. Lucky''': Lost? You have that bewildered look, but your sort always does. :'''Thug''': ''[grabs him threateningly]'' I ain't lost. I'm lookin' for you! I wanna know how come you always win, Mr. Lucky. :'''Mr. Lucky''': It's quite simple, actually. I fix the games. :'''Thug''': You can't fix ''all'' those sports. Nobody can! :'''Mr. Lucky''': Oh, ye of little brain, allow me to illustrate. ''[hands the thug an envelope laced in fear toxin]'' Here. You can read, can't you? :'''Thug''': ''[reads it]'' "Boo!" Hey, is this some kinda joke? :'''Mr. Lucky''': It's no joke, I assure you. It's the fear of victory, and the agony of... ''[the thug pulls Mr. Lucky out of the shadows, revealing his true identity]'' '''the Scarecrow!''' :''[The thug gasps in fear, now a victim of his toxin]'' :'''Scarecrow''': So now you understand Step One in how I fix an athletic contest. ''[Scarecrow comes closer to the thug, causing him to fall into some stacks of hay]'' I shall proceed to Step Two! ''[chuckles evilly]'' :'''Thug''': No! NO! GET AWAY! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': There's enough powder in that helmet to panic a pachyderm! He should be postering himself, crying for mercy! :'''Batman''': Change of luck, Scarecrow? :'''Scarecrow''': YOU! :'''Batman''': You're aware that gambling is illegal in Gotham? :'''Scarecrow''': I need the money, Batman! You know the cost of chemicals these days. And it will take much more than this to bring every pathetic person in Gotham to their knees, kissing my feet! ''[reveals a vial of his fear chemical and dangles it above the crowd]'' No closer, Batman! Unless you want a stampede of half-crazed humanity crushing and clawing each other! Now... what guarantee do I have you won't follow me? :'''Batman''': You have my word, Scarecrow. Just don't drop the vial. :'''Scarecrow''': Actually, Batman, I'd prefer a little insurance that you'll be otherwise occupied! ''[drops it]'' ===''The Clock King'' [1.25]=== :'''Fugate''': (after judgment has been passed) No! You can't! I'll be ruined! :'''Judge''': Then perhaps this will teach you to be on time for a change. :'''Batman''': What kind of a saboteur uses a six-thousand dollar Metronex to set a time bomb? :'''Alfred''': A saboteur with too much money? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman:''' Hold it! :'''Fugate:''' Well, well. The Batman. It's about time you showed up! I suppose you want to know why I've brought Downtown Gotham to a standstill, Batman. Hm? Well, let's just say it's because I'm a civic minded citizen with a lot of time on his hands. :'''Batman''': I want some answers, wise guy. Talk! :'''Fugate''': A pity. I don't know what to tell you, Batman - except perhaps that the 9:15 is always six minutes early. :''(He falls off the building and lands safely on the roof of an oncoming train as it speeds away)'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mayor Hill is tied to the hands of a huge clock]'' :'''Clock King''': Comfortable, Hill? Well you won't be for long! At 3:15 on the dot, those hands will come together and you'll be crushed like an insect. 3:15, Hill. Does that time hold any meaning for you? :'''Mayor Hill''': I don't know what you're talking about! :'''Clock King''': You told me to take my coffee break at 3:15. :'''Mayor Hill''': What?! :'''Clock King''': You don't remember?! My ''court date!'' :'''Mayor Hill''': ''[finally realizing]'' Oh my Lord! The lawsuit! Fugate! I swear I was only trying to help! :'''Clock King''': Don't hand me that! You did it on purpose! The plaintiffs were represented by your law firm, Mr. Mayor! :'''Mayor Hill''': But I had nothing to do with that case, Fugate! :'''Clock King''': Not that it matters anymore. Now that you have an appointment to keep, at 3:15 precisely—with the '''Grim Reaper!''' ''[begins laughing maniacally]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I'm here to clean your clock, Fugate. :'''Fugate''': Don't count on it, Batman. When it comes to clocks, ''I'' am king. ''En garde''! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Stop this, Fugate! Hill committed no crime against you! :'''Temple Fugate''': He did worse than that! He made me late! :'''Batman''': Fugate! You can't escape! :'''Clock King''': Au contraire, Batman. You of all people should know, there's always a way out! :''(Fugate begins laughing maniacally as a huge clock wheel falls on him, sending him to his apparent death)'' ===''Appointment In Crime Alley'' [1.26]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': Roland Daggett's up to something, Alfred. :'''Alfred''': That almost goes without saying, doesn't it, sir? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Leslie Thompkins''': This used to be a beautiful street. Good people lived here once. :'''Batman''': ''[placing two roses on the ground]'' Good people still live in Crime Alley. ===''Mad As A Hatter'' [1.27]=== :'''Jervis Tetch''': ''[Discussing the subject of Alice to his lab rats.]'' Of course, intellectually I know it's wrong. After all, she has a boyfriend. Better to withdraw like a gentleman- forget her, turn my heart to other pursuits. ''[Brief pause]'' NEVER! After all, I've created a chip strong enough to control a human brain! It would be so easy to make her forget her boorish beau and love ME! But...that would reduce her to a soulless shell. No...not my Alice. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman has cornered Jervis Tetch, who just subdued Alice with her mindcontrol card and is at a dinner table with him]'' :'''Jervis Tetch/Mad Hatter''': I'll cut that cowl off your neck before you'll take her! I've waited my whole lonely life for her! :'''Batman''': Then all you've waited for is a puppet. A soulless little doll. :'''Mad Hatter''': It didn't have to be this way! You made me do this to her! ===''Dreams In Darkness'' [1.28]=== :'''Batman''': "There's always time to heal", the doctor told me, but he was wrong. There was no time left. Not for me, not for him, and not for Gotham City. And as long as I remained trapped in Arkham, there was nothing I could do, except wait for the end and remember the beginning. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': An entire city, screaming in fear... I wonder if we'll be able to hear it... ===''Eternal Youth'' [1.29]=== :'''Mrs. Thomas''': You wicked, evil- :'''Poison Ivy''': Evil, Mrs. Thomas? I don't control a company that leveled a thousand-year-old forest for a strip mine! THAT'S evil! ''[sprays a gas which causes Mrs. Thomas to become petrified; steals a pair of earrings]'' You and your kind owe Mother Nature a big debt, and I am here to make sure you pay up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': Right now, the bark is merely exoskeletal. It will take months of additional spraying before the transformations become irreversible. But, of course, I have the patience of a redwood. :'''Batman''': ''[snarling]'' And the convictions of a fanatic! :'''Poison Ivy''': Well, if you're not going to be part of the solution, you're obviously part of the problem. Ladies? :''[Ivy's henchwomen begin to spray Batman with the growth formula]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': This spray is triple-strength, Batman! It will start the transformation without any preliminaries! ''[Nothing seems to happen to Batman as he unties his hands]'' He should be sprouting leaves by now! :'''Batman''': ''[Unties his hands and stands up, blocking the spray with his cape as he advances]'' You made your secret too accessible, Ivy! I coated my outfit with a herbicidal antidote! :'''Poison Ivy''': Keep spraying! ''[Violet and Lily back away, still spraying, but Batman subdues them both]'' ===''Perchance To Dream'' [1.30]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[Looking down off the ledge, preparing to jump]'' You're wrong! There IS a way out! :'''Mad Hatter''': Now, now wait just a minute! You don't want to do anything foolish! This isn't an ordinary dream! What if you're wrong?! :'''Bruce Wayne''': '''THEN I'LL SEE YOU IN YOUR ''NIGHTMARES''!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': '''''WHY?''''' Why did you do it?! :'''Mad Hatter''': You, of all people, have the GALL to ask me that? You RUINED MY LIFE! I was willing to give you WHATEVER life you wanted, JUST TO KEEP YOU OUT OF ''MINE!'' <hr width="75%"/> ===''The Cape & Cowl Conspiracy'' [1.31]=== :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Look up "slippery" in the dictionary and you get Josiah Wormwood. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[About the [[w:Bat-Signal|Bat-Signal]]]'' Got a new toy, I see. :'''Gordon''': I figured it might come in handy. ===''[[w:Robin's Reckoning|Robin's Reckoning Part 1]]'' [1.32]=== :''[Robin and Batman are doing a stakeout]'' :'''Robin''': If I knew it was going to take THIS long, I would've brought my homework. You sure about this extortion ring? :'''Batman''': ''[Looking at the construction site through binoculars]'' Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': It's been four hours. :'''Batman''': Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': You still think they'll show? :'''Batman''': Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': Lucky for me, you're such a good conversationalist. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': If you protect him, Stromwell, I'll be very... GRUMPY. [[The Incredible Hulk|You don't want to see me when I'm grumpy]]. ===''[[w:Robin's Reckoning|Robin's Reckoning Part 2]]'' [1.33]=== :'''[[w:Tony Zucco|Tony Zucco]]''': I'm not back in town five minutes - FIVE MINUTES - and he's on my tail. You don't know the Bat. He don't let up! He's the dark angel of death, man, and he wants ME! :'''Mick''': ... Why you, boss? :'''Zucco''': HOW SHOULD I KNOW?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Robin is about to throw Tony Zucco off the pier]'' :'''Tony Zucco''': No, don't! Please... :'''Batman''': Robin! Enough. ''[limps towards him]'' You can't let your emotions get the best of you. :'''Robin''': Stuff your advice, Batman! You and your stone-cold heart! You don't know how I feel. HOW COULD YOU?!? ''[Batman looks at him, and Robin realizes what he said]'' Batman, I didn't mean to... I'm sorry. ''[after he sees the police coming, Robin seemingly readies to throw Zucco off the pier but simply throws him to the ground. The cops arrive and arrest Zucco.]'' You were right, you know, not bringing me along. You knew I'd take it too personally. :'''Batman''': It wasn't that, Robin. It wasn't that at all. Zucco's taken so much, caused you so much pain. I couldn't stand the thought that he might... take you, too. :'''Robin''': ''[putting a hand on Batman's shoulder]'' Come on, partner. It's been a long night. ===''The Laughing Fish'' [1.34]=== :'''Alfred''': ''[seeing Batman with a Joker Fish]'' Dining in tonight, sir? :'''Batman''': ''[sighs]'' The dissection tray, please, Alfred... :'''Alfred''': Any idea what our happy friend is up to now? :'''Batman''': Normal criminals usually have logical motives, but the Joker's insane schemes make sense to him alone. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': Ah-ah-ah-ahem! Look alive, wage slaves. Presenting that caliph of clowns, that mogul of mountebanks, the one and only Joker! :''[The Joker enters, laughing maniacally]'' :'''Francis''': Great Scott! :'''Joker''': Actually, I'm Irish. Good morning, Mister, err, ''[looks at his desk's name plate]'' Francis! Please allow me to introduce my associates. Miss Quinn. :'''Harley Quinn''': ''Enchante''! :'''Joker''': And Messrs, uh... oh, their names escape me for the moment. No matter! We gentlemen of business have arrangements to discuss. :'''Francis''': A... Arrangements? :'''Joker''': ''[drops a Joker Fish onto his desk]'' For my fish, of course! This has all been worked out far in advance, Francis. You are merely the last tiny cog in my grand design! So don't speak to me again, 'kay? Now, what is everyone in town talking about? :'''Francis''': Err... your fish? :'''Joker''': ''[smacks him with the fish]'' I TOLD YOU NOT TO SPEAK! :'''Harley''': ''[sniffs Francis]'' Ooh, fish stink-a-roony! ''[sprays him with a substance from a perfume bottle, making him cough]'' All better! :'''Joker''': As I was saying, since every fish in Gotham now bares my famous and frankly ''fabulous'' face, I should be getting a profit from every fish product sold. ''[one of his thugs pours out a pile of products]'' Let's say a nickel per fish sandwich, fifty cents for sardines - millions of dollars a day to finance my happily hedonistic lifestyle! So which of your tedious copyright forms do I fill out first? You may speak now. :'''Francis''': No one can copyright fish. They're a natural resource. :'''Joker''': But they share my unique face! [[w:Colonel Sanders|Colonel What's-His-Name]] has chickens, and they don't even have moustaches! :'''Francis''': I can't help it, it's the law! :'''Joker''': Oh! Trying to cheat the Joker, are ya?! Well, we'll see who has the last laugh. You have until midnight to change your mind, Francis, or you'll be the poorest fish of all! ''[leaves, laughing madly, with his thugs following]'' :'''Harley''': ''[blows Francis a kiss as she follows]'' Buh-bye! :'''Francis''': He's crazy...! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Francis''': Err, Batman? Why is this happening to me? I've never done anything to this Joker. I'm just a paper-pusher, I can't change the laws. I'm harmless! :'''Batman''': And in his sick mind, that's the joke, Mr. Francis. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Feeling all right? :'''Francis''': ''[scratching himself]'' Oh, sure. It's just that everything's been so crazy today. I haven't even had time to rinse off that gunk the Joker's girl squirted on me... :'''Batman''': ''[to Gordon]'' GET THIS MAN TO A HOSPITAL! ''NOW!'' :'''Francis''': What?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': You're right, Harley. Fish ''are'' disgusting. I think I'll start using my toxin on cattle. Joker Burgers! Ha! Talk about a [[w:McDonald's|Happy Meal!]] <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': ''[after hitting Batman with a big wrench]'' Meanwhile, back at the "wrench"...! Since my sidesplitters don't tickle you, how 'bout a ''skull''-splitter?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After the Joker is seemingly eaten by the shark]'' :'''Harley''': ''[sniffing sadly]'' Oh, my poor, poor puddin'... :'''Bullock''': Come on, he was a demented, abusive, psychotic maniac. :'''Harley''': Yeah... I'm really gonna miss him! ''[sobs into her handkerchief]'' :'''Gordon''': Do you think he's gone for good? :'''Batman''': Believe me, Jim, I wish it were true. But deep inside, I doubt it. ===''Night Of The Ninja'' [1.35]=== :'''[[w:Kyodai Ken|Kyodai Ken]]''': ''[Throwing Bruce]'' Don't be depressed, Wayne-san. You're not bad for a rich man's pampered son. :'''Sensei''': ''[Leaps across room and throws Kyodai]'' There's always someone better, Kyodai. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': His name is Kyodai Ken. He was good. :'''Robin''': Yeah? How good? :'''Batman''': ''[Quickly]'' Good. :'''Robin''': I see. <hr width="80%"/> ===''Cat Scratch Fever'' [1.36]=== :'''Selina Kyle''': Don't tell me you're my very own private probation officer. How often would you like me to check in? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': "Viral Antitoxins". For a plague that doesn't exist, yet, but if the plague is introduced via stray dogs and cats, it will blanket Gotham City within weeks! :'''Roland Daggett''': Days, actually. You know how many strays there are in Gotham, Batman? Three hundred thousand! Imagine if even a tenth of them carried the virus. Not only will this little bottle make me a hero, it'll make me a fortune as well. ===''The Strange Secret Of Bruce Wayne'' [1.37]=== :''[Joker, Two-Face, and Penguin are bidding over Batman's secret identity]'' :'''Two-Face''': $500,000 :'''Penguin''': Poof. Chicken feed. I'll bet a million! :'''Two-Face''': ''TWO'' Million! :'''Strange''': I have two million. Do I hear three? :'''Joker''': Hold it, hold it, HOLD IT! :'''Two-Face''': Get outta my face, clown! :'''Joker''': Which one? :''[An angered Two-Face is about to attack Joker, but Penguin intervenes]'' :'''Penguin''': Gentlemen, it behooves us not to fight amongst ourselves. :'''Joker''': Well put, sardine breath! I think we should ''pool'' our resources on this. $51,240,685! ''[gets out a little coin purse, and pours out some coins]'' And uh, 53 cents. :'''Strange''': Sold! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Strange''': Joker, please! I was set up! Bruce Wayne is Batman! :'''Two-Face''': That's absurd! I know Bruce Wayne. If he's Batman, I'm the King of England! :'''Joker''': And people say I'M crazy! ===''Heart Of Steel Part 1'' [1.38]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': And who's your little friend? :''[Barbara takes a teddy bear out of her purse]'' :'''Barbara Gordon''': Oh, this is Wubby. I've had him forever. Dad won't pick me up at the airport without bringing him along. :'''Commissioner Gordon''': ''[blushing]'' Well... he knows the way better than I do. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': ''[After learning about the AI project]'' Sounds as if the human race could become quite expendable, except for butlers, of course. :'''Batman''': Of course. ===''Heart Of Steel Part 2'' [1.39]=== :'''Randa''': You have immobilized the maker. :'''[[w:HARDAC|HARDAC]]''': His human imperfection endangers the plan. He must be improved upon. <hr width="50%"/> :'''HARDAC''': The maker's concept was sound, but he did not go far enough - which is why I have taken over. ===''If You're So Smart, Why Aren't You Rich?'' [1.40]=== :'''[[w:Riddler|Edward Nygma]]''': ''[Being cheated out of the sales of his game]'' You are a fool, Mockridge, to think you can get away with this! Your amoral greed is no match for an intellect like mine! :'''Mockridge''': Oh, yeah? Then tell me something, Eddie: if you're so smart, why aren't you ''rich?'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman reprograms the Hand of Fate, and uses it to carry himself and Robin to the centre of the maze]'' :'''Riddler''': That is grand-scale CHEATING, Batman! You're not allowed to tamper with the Hand of Fate! :'''Batman''': I don't believe in fate! :'''Riddler''': You probably don't believe in Minotaurs either, but you'll still have to answer the Riddle. :'''Minotaur Robot''': ''I have billions of eyes, yet I live in darkness. I have millions of ears, yet only four lobes. I have no muscles, yet I move two hemispheres. What am I?'' :'''Batman''': ''[pauses in thought]'' That's simple: the human brain. ''[The Minotaur backs away]'' It has billions of optic and auditory nerves, four lobes and two hemispheres, and it's the only thing Edward Nygma respects. :'''Riddler''': A lucky guess, that's all! But it won't save you, Batman! ''[to the Minotaur]'' DESTROY THEM! ===''Joker's Wild'' [1.41]=== :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[as Joker changes the channel in the TV]'' Hey, I was watching that! :'''Joker''': And now you're watching this! :'''Poison Ivy''': Change it back! :'''Joker''': Nope, nope, nope, nope, don't want to. :'''Poison Ivy''': Guard! :'''Security Guard''': What's the problem? :'''Joker''': Don't look now, Sonny Jim, but the plant lady's gone whackers again. :'''Poison Ivy''': He started it! I was just sitting here! :'''Joker''': That's right, you're always blaming me. And the children wonder why we fight! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...the Joker's Wild! :''[Cameron Kaiser cuts the ribbon and unveils a casino with a gigantic Joker head. He is seen spoken to by Summer Gleeson]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': Ugh, that is disgusting! :'''Cameraman''': Psst, Summer! We're on the air! :'''Summer Gleeson''': ''[mortified]'' Oh! Uh... there you have it! Let's get a reaction from the guests. Mr. Wayne? :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[equally nauseated]'' No comment. :'''Summer Gleeson''': Mr. Kaiser, why build a casino seemingly in honor of one of history's most notorious outlaws? :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Summer, please! Wild Joker is a classic symbol, long associated with cards and games. I can't help it if there's a some passing resemblance to some criminal fruitcake. :''[An enraged Joker smashes the television]'' :'''Joker''': How dare that smug, preening fool try to cash in on ''MY'' image! :'''Poison Ivy''': Now who should lighten up? :'''Joker''': Don't get cute with me, Red. He's ripping me off! I'll protest! Yeah! I'll sue! Then I'll rip his lungs out! And I will, too! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': It was a scheme worthy of ''me'', Kaiser, the way you got me riled up and turned me loose on this place! :'''Cameron Kaiser''': You...! You were supposed to destroy the casino! :'''Joker''': Yeah, but then I realized it'd be more fun to get rid of you and run the show myself! :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Bu-But you can't...! :'''Joker''': Oh please, Mr. Kaiser! You of all people should have realized there'd be a Joker in the deck! ''[laughs]'' ===''Tyger Tyger'' [1.42]=== :'''Dorian''': I want to test Tygrus' reflexes and feral strength, and who better to pit him against than you? I'll give you a generous head start before I release Tygrus. If you defeat him, I shall relinquish this, the antigen to reverse Catwoman's mutation. :'''Batman''': How do I know you'll keep your word? :'''Dorian''': You don't. The clock is ticking, Batman. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': So you ''can'' talk. :'''Tygrus''': My father taught me. :'''Batman''': Your father was a test tube. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': Batman! The antidote! I'll be stuck like this forever! :'''Tygrus''': Would that be so bad? You could stay here, with me. :'''Catwoman''': Oh, Tygrus... I can't live like this, I have to be human again. :'''Tygrus''': ''[sadly, taking her hands in his]'' Goodbye, Selina. :''[As he leaves, Catwoman sees that he has given here the serum. She looks overjoyed, then calls out to him]'' :'''Catwoman''': Wait - won't you come with us? There's nothing for you here. :'''Tygrus''': There's nothing for me anywhere. ''[disappears into the falling rain]'' :'''Batman''': ''[in voiceover]'' "[[w:The Tyger|Tyger Tyger burning bright, in the forests of the night: what immortal hand or eye, dare frame thy fearful symmetry?]]" ===''Moon Of The Wolf'' [1.43]=== :'''Professor Milo''': What you're suffering from is an early stage of lycanthropy, more commonly known as werewolfism; for that I have no treatment. However, advanced werewolfism can be cured. :'''Anthony Romulus''': ''[after a wolf howls, Anthony starts transforming]'' Ohhh, you fool! There's no telling what the werewolf might do! :'''Professor Milo''': Hey, ask me if I care. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Do me a favour, shaggy: stay down! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bullock''': No trace of Wolfie! We checked the shoreline for miles! But in four weeks, there's another full moon. Then we'll know for sure. ===''Day Of The Samurai'' [1.44]=== :''[Batman swoops away after rescuing his Sensei's student, Kairi]'' :'''Kairi''': ''[In Japanese]'' Spirit of the bat... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yoru''': If you see Batman, tell him I have great respect for him. :'''Bruce''': Why? He's as much a ninja as Kyodai was. :'''Yoru''': Not so. Batman offered to help his adversary, and a lesser man would have used the secrets of the Onemuri touch against his opponent. Batman is the essence of samurai, Wayne-san. You would do well to remember that. :'''Bruce''': ''[bows]'' Domo arigato, sensei. ===''Terror In The Sky'' [1.45]=== :'''Batman''': Reports of a huge bat creature the size of a man. Remind you of anybody? :'''Alfred''': Present company excluded? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You couldn't leave it alone, could you, March? You've recreated the mutagen. :'''March''': ''[aiming a tranquilizer rifle at him]'' Recreated it? I've ''refined'' it! At night, on my own, so the others wouldn't know. I still believe only a creature like a Man-Bat can survive the next evolutionary cataclysm - and it will! My new serum could be even more powerful than Kirk's! :'''Batman''': ''[after disarming March]'' "''Could'' be"? What do you mean? :'''March''': I needed to test it, but before I had the chance-- :'''Batman''': ''[clearly surprised]'' You mean you ''haven't'' taken it? :'''March''': Of course not! The experimental batch was destroyed. I'll have to-- :'''Batman''': Destroyed? How? :'''March''': I'd been working through the night. I was just completing the final combination. ''[remembers incident at his lab as he drops the beaker of mutagen upon Francine's surprise entry]'' Francine burst in. I was startled. You have to understand I was very tired, I accidentally dropped the beaker. The whole night's work, ruined! Francine never guessed what I was doing, she even helped me clean up the mess. All that... glass! ''[recalls Francine licking her finger after it is pricked by a small shard of glass]'' Oh... oh, my lord... Francine! The mutagen - it's in ''her'' bloodstream now! ''[breaks down at his folly as Batman loads a tranquilizer into a pistol of his and then gives March the formula paperwork]'' :'''Batman''': Is ''that'' what it's going to take? Your daughter's life, before you end this insanity? :''[Later that night, March burns the files]'' ===''Almost Got 'Im'' [1.46]=== :'''Joker''': I want a nice clean game, gentlemen. :'''Penguin''': That'll be a first. So, I hear 'you-know-who' nailed the Mad Hatter last week. :'''Joker''': No kidding. He sure gets around for one guy. :'''Two-Face''': Yeah, well that's where you're wrong. I don't think it IS one guy. :'''[[w:Killer Croc|Killer Croc]]''': Huh? :'''Two-Face''': The way I figure it, Gordon's got a bunch of 'em stashed someplace like a SWAT team. He wants you to think it's one guy, but- :'''Joker''': Meh. You're always seeing double. :'''Penguin''': It's obvious our caped friend suffered some crime-related trauma when he was younger. Perhaps an over-anxious mugger blew off a piece of his face. :'''Joker''': Sure! He could be all gross and disgusting under that mask! ''[as Two-Face crushes a milk carton]'' Uh, no offense, Harv. :'''Two-Face''': Just deal. :'''Killer Croc''': Well, ya know what ''I'' think? :'''Joker''': Not the robot theory again... :'''Killer Croc''': Well, he COULD be. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Two-Face''': Poison Ivy... :'''Poison Ivy''': It's been a long time Harvey. You're still looking...halfway decent. :'''Two-Face''': Half of me wants to strangle ya. :'''Poison Ivy''': And what's the other part want? :'''Two-Face''': To hit you with a truck! :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[to the others]'' We used to date. :'''Penguin/Joker''': Ah. ===''Birds Of A Feather'' [1.47]=== :'''[[w:Penguin (comics)|Penguin]]''': Say, who's there? Two-Face? Croc? Joker, old shoe? :'''Batman''': None of the above, Penguin. :'''Penguin''': Oh no, not you... :'''Batman''': Get used to it. Wherever you go, I'll be right behind you. :'''Penguin''': Precisely where you belong. But you needn't bother. Haven't you heard? I've reformed. Paid my debt to society, and all that. :'''Batman''': We'll see. I just came to tell you to keep your beak clean. :'''Penguin''': ''[grabs a can of rat poison]'' As long as you're here, won't you stay for a cappuccino? :''[Batman gives him an annoyed look before leaving]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Batman defeats a gang of thugs threatening the Penguin and Veronica]'' :'''Batman''': I knew you couldn't stay clean for more than one day. :'''Veronica''': Let him go! He didn't do anything. It was those brutes! :'''Batman''': ''[genuinely surprised]'' He wasn't with them? :'''Penguin''': That's right, you vulgar vigilante! In my day, I associated with a much higher class of riff-raff! :'''Veronica''': I'm so sorry, Ozzie. :'''Penguin''': As long as you weren't bruised, my peach. ''[kisses her hand]'' :'''Batman''': "Peach"? :'''Penguin''': Why don't you be a good masked man and ride off into the night? This time, ''I'll'' clean up after ''you.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Veronica''': Please, Oswald! If it's money you want, I can get you more! :'''Penguin''': ''SHUT UP!'' All I wanted from ''you'', dearie, was a little friendship. That would have cost you ''nothing.'' But now you'll pay! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Veronica''': Oswald? I really was growing fond of you. It's too bad this had to happen. :'''Penguin''': ''[coldly]'' I suppose it's true what they say: society is to blame. ''High'' society. ===''What Is Reality?'' [1.48]=== :'''Batman''': "Where does a 500 pound gorilla sleep?" "What's worse than a millipede with flat feet?" "How do you stuff five elephants into a compact car?" :'''Alfred''': Anywhere it wants, a giraffe with a sore throat, and two in the front seat, two in the back, and one in the trunk. :'''Batman''': Yeah, yeah. I know, I know. Any schoolboy knows those. But brain teasers are the Riddler's M.O. Not corny old jokes like these. :'''Alfred''': Perhaps the questions are the clues, not the answers. For example, they all seem to involve animals. :'''Batman''': Also numbers. A ''500'' pound gorilla. A millipede, meaning a thousand legs. And five elephants. Now let's convert them to Roman numerals. ''[he does, revealing the letters DMV]'' Look! :'''Alfred''': DMV... :'''Batman and Alfred''': Department of Motor Vehicles! :'''Alfred''': But I recall you mentioning he'd already obliterated his records there, so why return? :'''Batman''': For the hard copy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no tales. :'''Batman''': Another riddle, Nygma? :''[Four quarters and a single penny emerge from the return change chute]'' :'''Riddler''': It all makes sense when you add it up! :''[In the Batmobile]'' :'''Alfred''': Four quarters and a penny, sir? :'''Batman''': Penny... Penny... Cent... Red cent... Copper. It's made of copper. :'''Alfred''': And "copper" is another word for a policeman. :'''Batman''': And "no tails" would be heads. Police head... Quarters! :'''Alfred''': Police Headquarters. Bravo, sir! It does make "cents" when you add it up! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': He can't be online! I searched through every file. :'''Riddler''': You searched the software. Had you bothered to examine the hardware you would have discovered a cordless modem line. :'''Riddler''': A pity you can't earn extra lives in this game.Quite an experience being riddled with questions, isn't it, Batman :'''Robin''': Batman don't open that door Crazy Intent means Loco Motion! Batman finds himself on a chessboard: :'''Riddler''':Only Batman can put the King in check and you have to move according to the rules or its the end of the day :'''Robin''':They call you the dark Knight..so you have to move like a knight (If Batman fails to move as a knight it'll be "KNightfall" (!) :'''Riddler''':Careful, vigilante, you know what they say, "Curiosity killed the Bat". :'''Batman''': Can you solve it? :'''Robin''': Are you kidding? You're looking at the guy who solved the Baxter's Box puzzle in 37 seconds! Course, this time I don't have a sledge hammer... After escaping Riddler Virtual realty Traps, Batman tries to rescue Gordon from Riddler :'''Batman''': You may control this world, Nygma, but I still control myself! :'''Riddler''': The name is "Riddler"! Edward Nygma doesn't exist anymore! You may recall that he was once fired by an ungrateful employer! That was a private matter and was meant to remain one! :'''Batman''': Attempted homicide is never a "private matter", Nygma! :'''Riddler''': No, but it would have been if you hadn't interfered and turned Edward Nygma into a fugitive! So I deleted Nygma. Just as I'm about to delete you, Batman. :'''Batman''':Tell me this.. Riddler how can you spread your conscious thirty-two times..and still have the concentration to keep your world together? YOU CAN'T! Batman saves Gordon :'''Riddler''': No....NO..... I can escape that easy...but if the Planet was equitable...I'd still have my old Job....No...wait...I'M ...not Ready.....AHHHHH' :'''Gordon''': But we'll never find him :'''Batman''': I think he left us a clue..."If the planet were equitable, I'd still have my old job". :'''Robin''': Of course. If the "World's Fair," I'd still have my "Ex-position". Oh, give me a break. [Batman, Robin and Gordon find Riddler mind trapped in his virtual realty world] :'''Batman''': Looks like he didn't escape his virtual reality in time. :'''Robin''': You mean he's been trapped inside his own program? :'''Batman''': Could be and how to get him out may be a riddle no one can solve. ===''I Am The Night'' [1.49]=== :'''Batman''': A weary body can be dealt with. But a weary spirit? That's something else. Sometimes, old friend, I wonder if I'm really doing any good out there. :'''Alfred''': How can you doubt it? The lives you've saved, the criminals you've brought to justice-- :'''Batman''': I've put out a few fires, yes. Won a few battles. But the war goes on, Alfred. On and on... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Leslie Thompkins''': You seem quieter than usual tonight. :'''Batman''': Every year, I come here and wonder if it should be the last time. If I should put the past behind me, try to lead a normal life. :'''Dr. Thompkins''': [[George Santayana|Santayana]] says, "Those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it." :'''Batman''': He also said a fanatic is someone who redoubles his efforts while losing sight of his goal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I chose this life. I use the night - I ''became'' the night. Sooner or later, I'll go down. It might be the Joker, or Two-Face, or just some punk who gets lucky. My decision, no regrets. But I can't let anyone else pay for my mistakes. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': "[[Friedrich Nietzsche|When you look too long into the abyss, the abyss looks back through you.]]" Maybe it's time for Batman to return to the night that spawned him, before anyone else gets hurt! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[grabs Wizard]'' Up to your old tricks, I see. How about returning that suitcase to its owner? :'''Wizard''': Hey, man, I ''am'' the owner. :''[Batman, surprised, lets him go]'' :'''Wizard''': Y'know, I was kinda hoping I'd run into you. I'd been in those places like where you left me before. Heard the rap, wasn't impressed. But this time, it made sense. Maybe I was ready to hear it. So I'm heading back home. I guess I kinda owe it to you, Batman. You probably saved my life. I'll bet you hear this all the time. Look, I'm gonna miss my bus, I'll see you around. And... thanks. :''[Batman smiles as he watches Wizard leave]'' ===''Off Balance'' [1.50]=== :'''[[w:Talia al Ghul|Talia]]''': My contact lenses! I lost them when we fell! They counter the distortion effect. Without them, I'm as helpless as you. :'''Batman''': I don't do helpless. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Ra's al Ghul|Ra's al Ghul]]''': So even in defeat, the detective manages to achieve some small measure of victory. As you said, detective: this is not over. ===''The Man Who Killed Batman'' [1.51]=== :'''Joker''': You know, there's just one thing bothering me about your story, Sid. No body. No BATUS DELECTI so to speak. We need to pull a job tonight just to make sure. :'''Murphy, Joker's henchman''': Make sure what, boss? :'''Joker''': ''[surprised by Murphy's question]'' Why that old Batsy's bought the cave of course, and one more thing Murphy.....''[turning more annoyed]'' don't ask stupid questions. ''[pushes Murphy to the hyenas who scratch and lick him crazily, to Joker's satisfaction]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': I'll get the mop. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': When the cops come, stall them for awhile, just until Batman arrives. '' Got it?'' :'''Henchman''': Right, boss. :'''Joker''': ''[to Murphy, still scarred from the hyenas]'' Any questions, Murph? :'''Murphy''': No sir! :'''Joker''': ''[to Sid The Squid]'' Good man. And if Batman hasn't ''really'' gone to his final reward, ''we'll'' see that he gets there! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Dear friends... today is the day the Clown cried. And he cries not for the passing of one man, but for the death of a dream. The dream that he would someday taste the ultimate victory over his hated enemy. For it was the Batman who made me the happy soul I am today. How I agonized over the perfect way to thank him for that. Perhaps with a cyanide pie in the face. Or an exploding whoopie-cushion playfully planted in the Batmobile. But those dreams were dashed by the weaselly little gunsel sitting there in our midst. The cowardly insignificant gonif who probably got lucky when Batman slipped on the slime trail this loser left behind him. This mound of diseased hyena filth who's not fit to lick the dirt from my spats...! But I digress. The time for sorrow has passed. It's time to look to a future filled with smiles. And I'll be smiling again just as soon as we take that man THERE...and slap him in that box THERE...and roll him into that vat of acid THERE! Well that was fun...who's for Chinese?! ===''Mudslide'' [1.52]=== :'''Clayface''': ''[After civilians flee in terror upon seeing his true form]'' That's right, run! Run for your measly lives! Run from Clayface! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Clayface''': You've upstaged me for the last time, Batman. Time to bring down the curtain! ===''Paging The Crime Doctor'' [1.53]=== :'''Rupert Thorne''': You think you iced the Batman, huh? Heh heh heh... Not on your best day, Jake! I'd cover my back if I were you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce Wayne''': Bruce Wayne, Dr. Thorne. Thomas Wayne's son. Did you get my letter? :'''[[w:Joseph Campanella|Matthew Thorne]]''': Yes. Thomas Wayne... :'''Bruce Wayne''': I told you I can help with your legal costs, maybe even put in a good word with the judge. :'''Matthew Thorne''': Yes, but what do you get out of it? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Well, there is something you can do for me. :'''Matthew Thorne''': I knew it! I knew there'd be a catch. Sorry, Mr. Wayne. Matthew Thorne is no longer for sale! :'''Bruce Wayne''': I'm not looking for any illegal favors. :'''Matthew Thorne''': What then? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Something you know. Something only you can give me. ''[pause]'' Tell me about my father. :''[Dr. Thorne grins and camera pans out as he ushers Bruce to resume his seat]'' ===''Zatanna'' [1.54]=== :'''[[w:Zatanna|Zatanna]]''': What do you care about some leggy dame in nylons- or have I just answered my own question? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zatanna''': ''[About Batman's mask]'' What happened that made you put this on? :'''Batman''': A painful memory, and a promise. ===''The Mechanic'' [1.55]=== :'''The Penguin''': ''[furious at his men for stealing the wrong stamps by mistake]'' These are terrible! Terrible! :'''Eagleton''': ''[indignant]'' Come on, boss. Give me a break. We got you the stamps. What more do you want? :'''The Penguin''': ''[tossing the worthless stamps angrily]'' I wanted the rare ones! The reversed Audubons! These aren't worth enough to pay for the repairs to the limousine. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Earl Cooper''': ''[sees the damaged Batmobile]'' You been letting the kid drive again? :'''Robin''': Ha ha. Actually we were playing chicken with a penguin. :'''Batman''': Or three of his men. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Penguin is scrubbing license plates in prison]'' :'''Penguin''': ''[reading one]'' "1 BAT 4U"?! ''[breaks it in anger]'' ===''Harley and Ivy'' [1.56]=== :'''Joker''': NO, we didn't get the diamond! The Dork Knight showed up before we even got to the museum! I had a great shot at him, too. Except... my dear little Harley Quinn handed me the wrong gun! :'''Harley Quinn''': But puddin', it was kinda funny watching you shoot at him with the bang flag! ''[Rocco and Henshaw can't help laughing then stifle it as the Joker glares at them]'' :'''Joker''': ''[turning back to Harley]'' Funny? You presume to tell me what I should think is funny?!? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[Poison Ivy trips the alarm, spoiling and hers and Harley Quinn's separate robberies]'' Nice going, butterfingers! Why not turn on the Bat-Signal while you're at it? :'''Poison Ivy''': I wasn't TRYING to get caught! :'''Harley Quinn''': Could've fooled me! Hey, aren't you that plant lady Poison Oakie? :'''Poison Ivy''': Ivy! Poison IVY, not Oakie! :'''Harley Quinn''': Sorry! Harley Quinn, please to meet ya! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Poison Ivy is about to give an injection to Harley Quinn]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': I hate shots! I hate shots! :'''Poison Ivy''': Now, now. You're not immune to poison like I am, and you won't last ten minutes here in Toxic Acres without my antidote. ''[gives the injection]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': Oooh! Whew, you'd think after livin' with Mr. J, I'd be used to a little pain. :'''Poison Ivy''': Why do you put up with that clown? :'''Harley Quinn''': Don't get me wrong. My puddin's a little rough sometimes, but he loves me, really. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[sarcastically]'' Sure he does. You're just one big, forgiving doormat, aren't you? :'''Harley Quinn''': I am NOT a doormat! ...Am I? :'''Poison Ivy''': If you had a middle name, it would be Welcome. But cheer up, kid. You just need some lessons in good old female self-esteem. In other words, let's play with the boys on ''our'' terms. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': That should keep you big strong men busy while we weak little girls loot your trophy room. :'''Harley Quinn''': Gee, Ives, you got style! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[sighs softly]'' No offense, Ives, but I'm not very hungry. Somehow I don't feel like my old perky self. Something's missing. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[angrily slams her form on Harley's plate]'' Will you stop?! I can't believe you're still mooning over that psychotic creep! :'''Harley Quinn''': Well, maybe I'd feel better if I knew he missed me, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': HARLEY!!! This place is going to blinking blue blazes! Anybody seen my socks?! '''HARLEY!!!''' ''[the hyenas snarl at Joker]'' OH!! They snapped at me! What's going on, Rock? This place is a mess, no one's fed the hyenas and I can't find my socks! Where's Harley?! :'''Rocko''': Y-y-ya canned her, boss. Remember? :'''Joker''': So? She's always come back before. :'''Rocko''': Gee... I guess ya ain't seen the papers then. :'''Joker''': Papers?! What are you babbling about?! ''[snatches the newspaper from Rocko and reads an article of Harley's partnership with Poison Ivy]'' '''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!''''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[to Poison Ivy]'' I remember when I would go driving like this with Mr. J. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[imitating Harley Quinn]'' "Mr. J, Mr. J." Oh, change the record, Harl! You wanna be some wacko's victim the rest of your life?! ===''Shadow Of The Bat Part 1'' [1.57]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[indignant after reading about James Gordon's arrest]'' We'll see about this. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara Gordon]]''': So Batman can't help me? Fine. Let's see what Batgirl can do! ===''Shadow Of The Bat Part 2'' [1.58]=== :'''Two-Face''': Don't get wise with me, Mason. Remember who got you set up as Gordon's assistant? :'''Gil Mason''': Right, Harvey, right. :'''Two-Face''': ''[grabs him]'' Don't call me that! It's TWO-FACE to you, pretty boy! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I should've known it would be Two-Face. It's a perfect two-part plan. He consolidates the gangs while Mason takes over the police. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Gil Mason is about to murder James Gordon to become commissioner, and later mayor]'' :'''Gil Mason''': It's business, Jim. Nothing personal. Matter of fact, I respect you, I do. But a fellow has to take his opportunities where he finds them. And with you out of the way, I'll be mayor inside of a year! :'''Gordon''': You're SICK, Gil! ''[glances at Two-Face]'' A lot sicker than him! At least I can see his bad half! :'''Mason''': Sorry you feel that way. At least you won't have to worry about Barbara. I'll take good care of her. She's very fond of me, you know. :'''Gordon''': You piece of scum! I may not be able to stop you, but I know someone who will! :'''Mason''': I wouldn't get your hopes up. You see, there's been a recent decline in the bat population... ===''Blind As A Bat'' [1.59]=== :'''Penguin''': Your aim appears to be a little off today, Batman. I don't think you could hit the broad side of a barn, let alone the broad side of this bird! You're blind as a bat. Sightless and helpless. :'''Batman''': You've got ''one'' right. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': You have a call on your private line. :'''Bruce''': Then let's go! :'''Alfred''': In your condition, sir? :'''Bruce''': If you think a little inconvenience like this is going to stop me... :''[he knocks over a lamp]'' :'''Alfred''': Indeed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': ''[contacting Mayor Hill's office from the Raven]'' Quite a machine, this Raven. Amazing what its communications equipment can do. Don't you agree? You've received my instructions? :'''Mayor Hill''': They arrived by messenger this morning. You know, one-hundred million is a a lot of money. It'll take time to raise that much. :'''Penguin''': You're stalling, Hill. Obviously, you're not taking me seriously. I've warned you not to make that mistake. Apparently, I'll have to show you why. :''[shuts off communication and Hill angrily snaps his pencil in half]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Hill''': Just what I was afraid of. According to the controller's office, we can't come close to putting that ransom together. Not without shutting down basic municipal services. :'''Detective Bullock''': So what other options do we got? :'''Batman''': ''[emerging from the shadows]'' None, gentlemen. Which is why you're going to do exactly what the Penguin wants you to. ===''The Demon's Quest Part 1'' [1.60]=== :'''Ra's al Ghul''': As [[W:Napoleon|Napoleon]] told me, "A strong will can fuel a frail physique." <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Look at it, detective. One of the last of the rainforests. The world depends upon its oxygen, yet the rich see only profit in its destruction. You, who belong to the overclass, have much to answer for. :'''Batman''': Bruce Wayne donates millions of dollars a year to preserve these forests. :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Which are being depleted at the rate of 120,000 acres a day. Does your money solve this problem? No! It will take more than wealth. It will take power, and I fear, ruthlessness. Humankind must be forced to serve the planet instead of its own appetites. :'''Batman''': And you're the one who'll do the forcing? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': I am... qualified, yes. But I may not have sufficient lifetimes left to me. ===''The Demon's Quest Part 2'' [1.61]=== :'''Ubu''': Infidel! :'''Batman''': If you only knew how sick I am of you calling me that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ra's al Ghul''': The material of the Pit is an unknown chemical stew that bubbles to the Earth's surface only in certain key places. Even now, my people are placing bombs, such as that one, over the various Lazarus Pits around the world. These bombs are electronically linked to a private satellite already in Earth orbit. :'''Batman''': ''Orpheus''. :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Precisely. And at the moment when sun and moon are in proper alignment to cause the greatest upheaval in Earth's geomagnetic field, I shall send a signal to that satellite, beginning a countdown. Five minutes thereafter, one bomb will be lowered deep into the heart of each Pit. The satellite will in turn relay a microwave signal that will detonate all the bombs simultaneously. The multiple explosions will result in a global chain reaction. All the Lazarus Pits throughout the world will overflow. The globe will be saturated with their chemical solution, and when the resultant cataclysm has abated, there will come a blessed peace, and this poor, defiled planet shall find itself restored to its former pristine glory. :'''Batman''': But that will cost countless lives! :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Actually, Detective, we ''have'' counted: Two billion, fifty-six million, nine hundred and eighty-six thousand! A most impressive plan, would you not agree? :'''Batman''': Yes... I can see it clearly now for the first time. You are completely out of your mind. ===''His Silicon Soul'' [1.62]=== :'''Rossum''': You don't understand. You're not a man's mind in a robot's body. You're a robot. Period. :'''Bat-Duplicant''': You're lying! It's not possible! I know my family and friends! I remember names, faces, birthdays! I have memories! A past! :'''Rossum''': You have information. Data. Nothing more. Do you remember your first kiss? Your favorite song? The last time you tasted a really good steak? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[about the duplicant]'' Could it be it had a soul, Alfred? A soul of silicon, but a soul nonetheless. ===''Fire From Olympus'' [1.63]=== :'''Stavros''': Please! It's not what you think. I wasn't going to say anything. Honest! :'''[[w:Maxie Zeus|Maximillion "Maxie" Zeus]]''': Silence! First, you transgress against me. Then, you force me to descend to the mortal plane. And now, you tell me I know not what I think?! :'''Stavros''': No! :'''Zeus''': To the depths of Tartarus with you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zeus''': You bore me with these tales of petty human concerns. :'''Clio''': ''[annoyed]'' You're doing it again, Max. :'''Zeus''': You are Clio, my muse of history. Amuse me with tales of ancient times when mortals trembled at the name of Zeus. :'''Clio''': You want a story? I got one. Seems there was this guy named Max who, because he'd been lucky so far in the smuggling racket, believed himself to be untouchable, superior, godlike... :'''Zeus''': There's a cynical edge to your voice I don't appreciate. Know you not, I am above mortal constraints of right and wrong? :'''Clio''': No one is above the law, Max. :'''Zeus''': I make my own laws! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zeus''': Begone, Lord [[w:Hades|Hades]]. Get thee back to thine own realm. Do not come again to Olympus until bidden! :'''Batman''': I think I get the message. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Clio''': ''[telling Batman about Zeus]'' He wasn't always this way, you know. But then business got bad and he started handling cargo for the mob. After a while, with the pressure, the tension... things got confused. He's not living in the real world anymore. ''[awkwardly]'' Maybe you can relate to that? :'''Batman''': ''[after a short silence]'' You're the only one who can get me close enough to help him - while some of the man you knew still exists. ===''Read My Lips'' [1.64]=== :'''Batman''': How do you think I found this place? The phone book? I had help. ''Inside'' help. :'''[[w:Ventriloquist (comics)|Scarface]]''': My premonition! I knew I was right! Which one of you louses is it?! :'''Rhino''': It ain't me boss! :'''Scarface''': I know it ain't you, Rhino! You're too stupid to be a traitor! :'''Rhino''': Thanks, boss. :'''Scarface''': But whoever it is, they're gonna pay big time! Who is it?! You don't talk, you get the ultimate massage! :'''Batman''': And if I tell? :'''Scarface''': Maybe you just get run over by a truck. :'''Batman''': Tempting, but no. :'''Scarface''': Have it your way. Rhino! :''[Rhino gets ready to pull the lever to lower Batman to a pit of mannequins with razor-sharp fingernails]'' :'''Batman''': Hold it! :'''Scarface''': This is gettin' old, Bats. Last chance, who's the traitor? :'''Batman''': Him! The Ventriloquist! :''[everyone glares at the Ventriloquist]'' :'''Ventriloquist''': No, no! He's lying! I told you when he came into my room! :'''Scarface''': So what? Maybe you did 'cause I had ya cornered. Heard ya talkin' to Batman. :'''Batman''': ''[uses his own ventriloquism to imitate the Ventriloquist]'' Shut up, you blockhead! :'''Scarface''': WHAT DID YOU SAY?! :'''Ventriloquist''': It wasn't me! I didn't say that! My lips didn't move! :'''Scarface''': So what?! You're a ventriloquist! You're also a lyin' yellow liver-bellied two-face! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, Scarface! I'm loyal! I'd never! :'''Batman''': He's been feeding me information, in return for legal protection. ''[imitates the Ventriloquist again]'' You're going up the river, sawdust-for-brains! :'''Scarface''': Why, I oughta...! Waste the floor-flusher! Come on, I gave an order! ICE HIM! DO IT! DO IT NOW! :'''Muggsy''': But, boss, we ventilate the Ventriloquist, your, y'know... :'''Scarface''': I'M SURROUNDED BY TRAITORS! Okay, fine. Ya want something done right, do it yourself! ''[aims his gun at the Ventriloquist]'' ===''The Worry Men'' [1.65]=== :'''Veronica''': If ever someone led a worry-free life, it's you, Bruce Wayne. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce''': Tell me, Alfred: what's an ancient Mayan witch doctor doing on a Gotham skyscraper? :'''Alfred''': This isn't one of those Riddler questions, is it? :'''Bruce''': No, but it's just as confusing. <hr width="50%"/> :''[As Batman attempts to escape from his guillotine]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Oh, you're a clever one! But I will not be denied! As the great [[w:Lewis Carroll|Lewis Carroll]] said: "[[w:Jabberwocky|One, two, one, two, and through and through the vorpal blade went snicker-snack! He left it dead, and with its head, he went galumphing back!]]" <hr width="50%"/> :''[Freed from his mind control, the Mad Hatter's jaguar gang turn on him]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Stop! :'''Shaman''': Yes, stop. Leave him to the police. :'''Mad Hatter''': Thank you. Thank you, you generous, forgiving, ''[draws a gun from his hat]'' noble fool! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': I must say, after all the Hatter put him through, that fellow showed remarkable restraint. :'''Bruce''': When everything was said and done, all the shaman really wanted was to go home. In fact, I hear he even sent the Hatter a farewell gift. :''[The Hatter is seen tossing and turning in bed in Arkham]'' :'''Bruce''': Something to ensure that Jervis Tetch only dreams of a good honest life from now on. :''[A Batman doll is revealed from under the Hatter's pillow]'' ==Season 2== ===''Sideshow'' [2.1]=== :'''Killer Croc''': You know, there's something the brains back at the joint didn't think about. :'''Prison Guard''': Yeah, what's that? :'''Killer Croc''': Crocodile's got the strongest jaws of any animal around. ''[bites his handcuffs in half]'' :'''Prison Guard''': ''[spits the coffee out of his mouth and pins Croc with the shotgun]'' Get back! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman arrives with his shadow. Goliath wakes up and Batman covers Goliath's mouth by calming him down]'' :'''Batman''': Calm down, I won't hurt you. I'm just looking for someone: half man, half crocodile. ''[Goliath looks over worriedly]'' He's in there, isn't he? :'''Goliath''': ''[Pushes Batman to the cage]'' No! Stay away! ''[Holds him against it]'' He's one of us. Croc, run! :'''Batman''': ''[Kicks Goliath into the stomach]'' I don't wanna hurt you. :'''Goliath''': Don't worry, you won't. ''[Hits Batman with the big punch and Batman and Goliath starts fighting]'' :'''Killer Croc''': ''[Comes out of the house]'' You. ''[Gives Batman a spear]'' :'''Billy''': Richard, help! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Billy the Seal Boy''': Why, Croc? Why'd you turn on us like that? We could have helped you, we could have done something. :'''Killer Croc''': You said you can be yourself out here, remember? Well, I guess that's what I was doing - being myself. ===''A Bullet For Bullock'' [2.2]=== :'''Bullock''': Let's get something straight from the get-go. I think you're a freak and a menace, and those are your ''good'' points. But the commish says you serve a purpose, so I go along. :'''Batman''': I appreciate your honesty. What's the problem? :'''Bullock''': Somebody's got it in for me. Tried to give me a fender massage last night. It ain't the first time. Last week too. :'''Batman''': Any suspects? :'''Bullock''': So many, they could have their own zip code. I've put a lot of guys away, and they hate me for it. Looks like one of them hates me enough to do something about it. :'''Batman''': Why me? Why not just go to the department? :'''Bullock''': I step on a lot of toes. I don't want Internal Affairs looking at me too close. They might find some things I don't want found. :'''Batman''': Are you on the take? :'''Bullock''': Watch it, freak! I never took a dime from nobody! I just bend the rules a little sometimes, you understand. We're not all that different. :'''Batman''': We're on the same side, but we're ''not'' the same. I'll help you find out who's after you, but you've got to collar them clean. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': We ''are'' speaking of the same person, are we not? Harvey Bullock? The detective who looks like an unmade bed? :'''Batman''': The same. :'''Alfred''': He came to ''you'' for help? It must be serious. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Montoya''': Bullock? You okay? You don't look so good. I mean, you never look good, but today you look worse. :'''Bullock''': After fifteen years working in this cesspool, I'd like to see how good ''you'' look! <hr width="50%"/> :''[In the Batmobile]'' :'''Bullock''': Nice starship you got here. What's this for? ''[points towards a button]'' :'''Batman''': Passenger ejector seat. :''[Bullock withdraws nervously, while Batman smirks slightly]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bullock''': By the way, I still think you're a freak, but... thanks. ===''Trial'' [2.3]=== :'''Two-Face''': Basic fifty-fifty option. You get him off, you both go free. He goes down, you take the fall with him. :'''Mad Hatter''': Amusing idea, what? Kidnapping you to be Batman's attorney? :'''Two-Face''': Personally, I suggested a quick slug between the eyes... but I lost the coin toss. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarface''': Court is now in session! The Good People of Arkham Asylum vs. the Self-Righteous Vigilante Called Batman! Our prosecutor is ready, likewise our fair and impartial jury. :'''Mad Hatter''': Hang him! :'''Harley''': Shoot him! :'''Killer Croc''': Hit him with a rock! :'''Scarface''': And now, all rise for the most honorable, most benevolent, most merciful Judge Joker! :'''Joker''': GUILTY! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I was promised a chance to defend my client! :'''Joker''': Oh, very well. Like it'll make a difference. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I suppose that you, like your friends, claim that Batman ''drove'' you to be a criminal? :'''Mad Hatter''': He did. :'''Janet Van Dorn''': And yet, as I recall in your case, you brainwashed and kidnapped a woman who rejected you. :'''Mad Hatter''': Batman forced me to do it! He was going to take her away from me! I had no choice! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': You could have respected her wishes and left her alone. :'''Mad Hatter''': I'D HAVE KILLED HER FIRST! ''[gasps and covers his mouth, then turns to the Joker]'' I'd like that last statement stricken from the record, please. :'''Joker''': Record? Is someone supposed to be writing this down? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': And so it's Batman's fault you lead a life of crime? :'''Poison Ivy''': He should have let me bump off Harvey Dent. We'd all have been better off - wouldn't we, Harv? :'''Two-Face''': ''[muttering while flipping his coin]'' Why, you rotten little... :'''Janet Van Dorn''': But Miss Isley, isn't the real motivation for your crimes your obsession with plants? That you prefer them to people? :'''Poison Ivy''': I love plants, honey, but a rose is a rose. :'''Janet Van Dorn''': Then it doesn't bother you when someone, let's say the judge here, ''[plucks the flower from the Joker's robe]'' ruthlessly ''plucks'' a defenceless flower from the warm green earth? :'''Poison Ivy''': No! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': Even knowing he's given it his death sentence? That its petals must die? ''[starts pulling its petals out]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': Stop it...! :'''Poison Ivy''': One by one, withering, falling. One by one till it's all gone, ''honey.'' :''[She crushes the flower so that it crumbles apart. Ivy shrieks with rage and attacks her, and the Scarecrow and Mad Hatter rush in to restrain her]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Miss Ivy, please! :'''Scarface''': You look beautiful when you're angry. :''[Ivy smacks the Ventriloquist in the face, and Scarface laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I used to believe Batman was responsible for you people. But now I see nearly everyone here would have ended up exactly the same, Batman or not. Oh, the gimmicks might be different, but you'd all be out there in some form or another bringing misery to Gotham. The truth is, ''you'' created ''him.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Well done, counsellor. You've proven that Batman ''didn't'' create us - that we, in fact, messed up our own rotten lives! And as we are so rotten, vile and depraved... we're going to waste you anyway! :''[The inmates cheer and close in on Batman and Janet]'' :'''Joker''': [[w:Porky Pig|A-bi-a-bi-a-bi, that's all, folks!]] ''[bangs down a rubber chicken]'' Let's mambo! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I see now there's a need for the things you do. But I'm still going to work towards a city that doesn't need Batman. :'''Batman''': ''[smiling]'' Me too. ===''Avatar'' [2.4]=== :'''Lucius Fox''': Without a doubt, this will be one of the best museum exhibitions Gotham City has ever seen. You can be quite the humanitarian on occasion, Bruce. It's commendable. It's inspiring. :'''Bruce''': It's deductible. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce''': You've got a serious priority problem, Ra's. What can be in that tomb that's more valuable than the love of your daughter? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Power, detective. The power once held by almighty Thoth-Khepera, Queen of Two Continents. :'''Bruce''': You surprise me, Ra's. The world's oldest chauvinist chasing after a woman? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Thoth-Khepera was not simply a woman, detective, nor merely a ruler. Through her flowed the power of the gods. With no more than a gesture, she controlled the force of life and death, and with it, she kept a nation under her thumb for one thousand years. :'''Bruce''': You sound like a bad Saturday afternoon serial, Ra's. This is sheer nonsense. :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': No, detective - I know there is a power there to be tapped! My six hundred years of life are proof of that power. :''[Bruce and Talia are trapped in a glass booth]'' :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Farewell, detective. Farewell, Talia. It is said that one finds one's immortality in one's offspring. Alas, I know that to be a lie. ===''House and Garden'' [2.5]=== :'''Batman''': She's done nothing more incriminating than return an overdue video - even paid the late fee. :'''Alfred''': Could it be Ivy truly has reformed? :'''Batman''': I want to believe it. Why can't I? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You haven't changed a bit. :'''Poison Ivy''': Yes, I have. I meant it when I said I wanted a family that loves me. I just wanted it on my terms. :'''Robin''': Lady, you're nuts! :'''Poison Ivy''': Well, that's ''your'' opinion. Probably the last one you'll ever have, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': I'm just sorry she got away. :'''Batman''': Me too, Robin. But I don't think we'll see her again anytime soon. :''[The real Ivy is shown escaping on a plane out of Gotham, looking through a scrapbook]'' :'''Batman''': Ivy lost everything she had, everything she said she ever wanted. For what it's worth, I believed her when she told me that for the first time in her life... she was happy. :''[Ivy sheds tears as she looks at a photo of her wedding]'' ===''The Terrible Trio'' [2.6]=== :'''Warren''': Is this all you do for kicks, Bruce? Charity work? :'''Bruce''': Well, I do have a night life. Pull! ''[shoots down a clay pigeon]'' Besides, it's important to help others. It may sound corny, but hey, it's how I feel. :'''Warren''': You must recognize that you are a superior animal, Bruce. A member of the elite. Pull! ''[shoots down another clay pigeon]'' Take my Delta brothers and me. Why, we've run with the bulls! :'''Armand''': Shot game from hot air balloons! :'''Gunther''': Killed a great white! :'''Warren''': We've done it all. Ah, therein lies the problem. After all, what do the rajas do when there are no more tigers to hunt? :'''Bruce''': I'm sure you'll think of something, Warren. ''[leaves]'' :'''Warren''': Dollar for dollar, that has to be the dullest man in Gotham City. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Scoundrels like these are worse than the Joker. At least he's got madness as an excuse! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Let's go, Fox. You've raided your last chicken coop. :'''Warren''': Wait, wait a minute! We can make a deal! A million dollars to let me go! ''Ten'' million! Think about it. Buys a lot of Batarangs! :'''Batman''': ''[unimpressed]'' Your money's no good here. :'''Warren''': Okay, fine! Go ahead, take me in, hero! I've got every judge in town in my pocket! You'll see! I'll get justice! The best that money can buy! :''[Next, Warren is seen being ushered into a cell at Stonegate, where his burly new cellmate gives him a menacing look]'' ===''Harlequinade'' [2.7]=== :'''Harley''': ''[in handcuffs]'' I sense a lack of trust. :'''Robin''': Are you sure you don't need help keeping Zippy under control? :''[Harley picks the lock on her cuffs while Batman speaks]'' :'''Batman''': I'm fine. Besides, I need you to be ready if Gordon's men get any leads. I'll signal if there's trouble. :'''Robin''': You got it. :'''Harley''': I wanna listen to the radio! ''[reaches for the controls]'' :'''Batman''': DON'T--! :''[Harley Quinn deploys a parachute, causing the Batmobile to swerve wildly. When the Batmobile stops, Batman is furious]'' :'''Harley''': ''[timidly]'' Oops... :'''Batman''': Listen, and listen good. You don't touch anything, say anything, or DO ANYTHING UNLESS I TELL YOU! GOT IT?! :'''Harley''': Yes, sir. :'''Batman''': ''[turns away, Harley begins making faces at him]'' So far, Joker hasn't been seen in any of his old hideouts. I want you to show me the last place he used when he escaped. ''[catches her making a face, which she replaces with a sheepish grin]'' :'''Harley''': Okay! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Instead of taking you, the cops, and the Batman down separately? I'm gonna blast you all at once! ''[takes out his phone and speaks into it]'' Send down the plane, boys! We're blowing town! Literally. ''[gets off the phone]'' :'''Mayor''': But all those innocent people... :'''Joker''': Some joke on them, eh? Think of it as the ultimate punchline! Ha ha ha ha ha! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': It's lucky you were here, Quinn. The countdown sequence didn't leave Joker enough time to swing by Arkham and pick you up. :'''Joker''': Quiet, brat. :'''Harley''': You ''were'' gonna come for me, weren't you, Puddin'? :'''Joker''': Of course, pumpkin-pie! It's just that... well, here you are, so I can, err, save myself the trip! :'''Harley''': But what about all our friends, Ivy and Two-Face and... Hat-Guy and Lizard-Man and Puppet-Head and-- ''[Joker shoves her into the plane]'' :'''Joker''': What about them? :'''Batman''': Don't forget your little pets! :'''Harley''': ''[gasps]'' The babies! We can't leave the babies! :'''Joker''': ''[shoves Harley into the plane again]'' I'll buy you a goldfish! Let's go! :'''Harley''': ''[struggling]'' NO! :'''Joker''': Why, you little...! :''[Harley kicks him in the face]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley''': ''[points the gun against Joker]'' Freeze, clown! :'''Batman''': Quinn, stop! :'''Harley''': He's mine, Bats! :'''Joker''': ''[grinning]'' You wouldn't dare. You don't have the guts! Not in a million years would you-- :''[Harley pulls the trigger - and a flag that reads "Rat-Tat-Tat" comes out of the barrel. The Joker stares at her for a moment, and throws his arms wide to embrace her]'' :'''Joker''': Baby, you're the greatest! ===''Time Out Of Joint'' [2.8]=== :'''Mayor Hill''': You! How did you get past-- :'''The Clock King''': Good evening, Mayor! Nice to see you again too. And whose life are you ruining now? A poor pensioner? A malnourished orphan, perhaps? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Hill''': Please, Fugate, don't hurt me! :'''The Clock King''': If it's any comfort, my revenge will encompass more than just you. I intend to pass a most timely sentence on the entire judicial system. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': It's a shame that you've decided to keep this device a secret. :'''Dr. Wataki''': It would seem that the world is not quite ready for it yet. :'''Robin''': Gee, that's too bad for Fugate. I'm sure he'll wish he had something to make the days pass quicker where he's going. ===''Catwalk'' [2.9]=== :'''Scarface''': Calm down, pussycat. We're all friends here. ''[to the Ventriloquist]'' Dummy, don't keep our pretty guest in the dark. :'''Ventriloquist''': Yes, sir, Mr. Scarface. ''[turns on the lot, revealing him and Scarface]'' :'''Scarface''': Ah, that's better. :'''Selina Kyle''': ''[gasps]'' You gotta be kidding! ''[laughs]'' :'''Scarface''': What's she laughin' at? My fly ain't open, is it?! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, sir. :'''Scarface''': So what's the gag? :'''Selina Kyle''': Oh come on, you know! ''[in a goofy voice]'' "What's the gag?" :'''Scarface''': ''[aims his gun at Selina]'' Can it, sister! This is Scarface you're dealing with, and I don't stand for no disrespect. :'''Ventriloquist''': I'd do as he says, ma'am. Mr. Scarface can be quite insistent. :'''Scarface''': I don't think anyone's talking to you! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, sir. No, sir. :'''Selina Kyle''': Right... so, what do you want with me? :'''Scarface''': My boys happened to be in the museum when they saw your little set-to with Miss Ronnie V. They also seen you licking your whiskers at the sight of Ronnie's pretty sparklers. :'''Selina Kyle''': You're boring me, log. :''[the Ventrloquist pulls out an envelope from his coat]'' :'''Scarface''': So what if I could provide you with a foolproof plan to snatchin' those rocks with no risk of you gettin' caught? :'''Selina Kyle''': Pass. Kitty's been staying it at night. It's not the greatest, but it beats the pound, if you know what I mean. :'''Scarface''': Now, that's a darn shame. And I thought for sure you'd want a chance to get even with the Vreelands. Not just for yourself, ya understand, but for all those poor little stuffed critters what never had the chance to fight back. :'''Selina Kyle''': Oh, barf. :'''Scarface''': It's a 50/50 cut. Take it or leave it? You in or what? :''[Selina thinks about it for a while then picks up the envelope]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': What a pleasant surprise. Though I should warn you - breaking and entering is against the law. :'''Batman''': You would know. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarface''': [[w:Tweety|I thawt I thaw a putty tat!]] <hr width="50%"/> :''[Catwoman crushes Scarface under some logs]'' :'''Catwoman''': That's one way to remove a splinter. What's wrong, Ventriloquist? Cat got your tongue? :'''Ventriloquist''': Please, I never hurt you! Scarface, he's another person, not me, really! :'''Catwoman''': But he's inside you somewhere. And I'm going to keep scratching until I find him. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': [[w:Just So Stories|I am the cat who walks by herself.]] ===''Bane'' [2.10]=== :'''Thorne''': You almost didn't get paid. You're lucky these diamonds didn't get nabbed in the smuggling bust. :'''[[w:Bane (comics)|Bane]]''': No, Mr. Thorne. You are the lucky one. ''[He punches the punching bag across the room]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': He wrecked my car, Alfred. Between two guys, that's ''real'' personal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bane''': Toys. You try to fight me with pathetic little TOYS. You've got nothing! Beg for mercy! SCREAM MY NAME! :'''Batman''': Never. :'''Bane''': You are beaten! Now I will break you! ===''Baby-Doll'' [2.11]=== :'''Robin''': ''[on "Love That Baby"]'' I remember this show from when I was a kid. It still stinks. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At Wayne Manor, Summer Gleeson is on the telephone talking to Marv Wolfman at her office.]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': I don't care what Mayor Hill says. The people have a right to know, and if he won't talk to us-- ''[Batman drops a photo of Baby-Doll onto her desk]'' I'll call you back, Marv. ''[to Batman and Robin]'' Since when are you interested in has-been actors? :'''Batman''': Since that one's been kidnapping her co-stars. :'''Summer Gleeson''': You're serious? :'''Robin''': She's been picking them off, one by one. Any reason she'd have a grudge? :'''Summer Gleeson''': Actually, ''they'' should hate ''her.'' Dahl put them all out of work when she quit the series to become a "dramatic" actress. :''[Summer plays a video of Mary Dahl playing Lady Macbeth]'' :'''Mary Dahl''': What, will these hands never be clean? Here's the smell of the blood still. All the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand. :'''Robin''': Pee-yew! :'''Summer Gleeson''': That's what the critics said. Baby's dramatic career flopped, and when she tried to start her TV show again, the networks turned her down. :'''Batman''': That still doesn't explain why she's after her old cast. :'''Robin''': ''[picks up a cassette]'' Maybe there's a clue in these old episodes. :'''Summer Gleeson''': You can borrow them if you want. And when you crack the case, you can pay me back with an exclusive... ''[turns to see that they have gone]'' interview. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': Naughty, naughty, Daddys! Mustn't yell at your Baby like thats. :'''Tod Baker''': You're not my daughter, and we're not a family! We're actors, remember?! You cancelled our show because you whined you weren't getting enough attention! :'''Baby-Doll''': ''[putting on a sad face]'' But I knows now I made a boo-boo! ''[sniffles and breaks character]'' It was hard for me out there. I studied and trained and auditioned, but no one wanted me. ''[plays the sound of a crowd going "Aww..." on her tape recorder]'' Over the years, I remembered how happy I was with all of you around me, and the folks at home watching me each week. Me, ''[goes back into her "cute" voice]'' Baby-Doll! ''[giggles]'' Now I'm Baby for good, and everyone will love me agains! Hugs, hugs! :''[Her goons force the actors to share a hug with her, and she plays the "Aww..." again]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': ''[watching episodes of Baby Doll's old TV show]'' Remember that time Poison Ivy nearly smothered us in those vines, with the ''really'' sharp thorns? :'''Batman''': Yes. :'''Robin''': This is worse. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': ''[after her TV brother is rendered unconscious by her bodyguard]'' Sorry I had to play roughs, Tippy. I didn't mean to. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': ''[Mariam kicks Robin around]'' Wow, lady! You're good! :'''Mariam''': It's a living... <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman pursues Baby-Doll in a funhouse tunnel maze]'' :'''Baby-Doll''': Silly Mr. Batman can't catch me! :'''Batman''': Don't run away! I know you're scared, confused - I can help you! :'''Baby-Doll''': Liar, liar, cape on fire! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': Game's over, Mr. Batman! ''[laughs]'' I WIN! ''[Batman fires his grappling gun, knocking the doll-gun down a slide]'' No fair! ''[runs to retrieve it, and stumbles into a room full of fun-house mirrors. Picks up the gun, wandering through the various distorted reflections, until she comes to one that shows her as an adult]'' Look! That's me in there. The ''real'' me! There I am... ''[touches the reflection, and her face changes]'' ...But it's not ''really'' real, is it? Just... made up and pretend, like my family and my life and everything else! ''[turns to face Batman, who stands behind her]'' '''''WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST LET ME MAKE-BELIEVE?!''''' ''[fires at mirrors, and cries after breaking the mirror with her adult reflection. Batman approaches her]'' I didn't ''mean'' to... ===''The Lion And The Unicorn'' [2.12]=== :''[Alfred breaks a chair over a thug's head.]'' :'''Robin''': And here all I thought you dusted was furniture. :'''Alfred''': A [[w:Louis XV|Louis Quinze]]; what a pity. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred Pennyworth''': ''[after being drugged with a truth serum]'' You'll get nothing but gibberish out of me, madam. I come from haunts of cootenfern and knicker sudden Sally. Uh... dee-dum dee-dum dee-dum dee-dum, and bicker down the valley. :'''Red Claw''': And people wonder why no one takes Britain seriously anymore. ===''Showdown'' [2.13]=== :'''Sheriff''': Well, well. Jonah Hex, his own bad self. Been here five minutes and you ain't killed nobody nor set nothin' on fire. Slippin', ain't you? :'''[[w:Jonah Hex|Jonah Hex]]''': I'm still a little bushed. :'''Sheriff''': Fact is, you look a little past it, Hex. Not tired, just all used up. :'''Hex''': Well, when I get pushed, I can still shoot a fly out from between its wings. Provided the light's right, of course... and it's a big ''plump'' fly. :''[The sheriff glances down at his own portly figure. Two other bargoers retreat outside, sensing trouble.]'' :'''Sheriff''': I ain't got nothin' on you, Hex... yet. Just remember, them wanted posters say "dead or alive". You might try "alive" this time. :'''Hex''': First time for everything. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duvall''': It would appear we have ourselves a government spy. A rather disreputable-looking one at that. Well, Mr. Spy, I'd say your plan has failed, and the railroad is doomed. :'''Hex''': I ain't no spy! I'm Jonah Hex, and I don't give a tinker's cuss about no railroad. I've come to get ''you'', Arkady Duvall, on account of what you done to that girl back east. :'''Duvall''': ''[chuckles]'' You mean to say, you've tracked me across ''twelve states'' because of that? :'''Hex''': Well, there's also the matter of a 200 dollar reward. That part don't hurt my feelings none. :'''Duvall''': You're either a liar or a fool. :'''Hex''': I've been known to be foolish, but ain't ''nobody'' calls me a liar and goes to bed happy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hex''': Now! Let's you and me dance. :'''Duvall''': You cannot defeat me. I am a Heidelberg fencing champion. :'''Hex''': My heart's all a-flutter. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duvall''': Five thousand in gold, take it. Leave me be. :'''Hex''': It ain't about money, boy. It's about justice. And I aim to serve you some. :'''Duvall''': Let me live, please! :'''Hex''': I will. Only because it's too much trouble to haul your stinkin' carcass back east. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You left Duvall to his fate a century ago. Why come back for him now? :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Did you really think, detective, that in my six hundred years of life, I would have sired only ''one'' offspring? Even before the Phoenix debacle, I had come to realize that Arkady was too unbalanced and cruel to wisely rule my empire. :'''Batman''': But you couldn't forget about him. :'''Ra's al Ghul''': What father can ever forget his son? Come now, detective, I've still a few good years left. We will cross swords another day. But for now, let me take my boy home. ===''Riddler's Reform'' [2.14]=== :''[After learning about the theft of historical antiquities on TV]'' :'''Riddler''': ''[in Bruce's memory]'' Those are things of the past, Batman. Ancient history that's gone now. I'm a new man! But you probably won't figure that out before it's too late! ''[laughs]'' :'''Bruce''': ''He'' did it. :'''Dick''': Who? :'''Bruce''': The Riddler. Remember what he said: "Things of the past." "Ancient history that's gone now." Look! :'''Dick''': Gee, I don't know. His riddles aren't usually that subtle. Besides, he's got a multimillion dollar deal with that toy company. Why would he throw it away over some stupid riddle crime? :'''Bruce''': Because that's the way his warped mind works. He's obsessed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': He's right, you know. :'''Manny''': Who? :'''Riddler''': Batman. He ''is'' going to catch me, sooner or later. :'''Manny''': Gee, boss, you're scaring me. You're talking kinda crazy. :'''Riddler''': DON'T YOU ''EVER'' CALL ME THAT! I fooled the police, the doctors, the Parole Board - all of them! There's only one person who's ever been able to challenge me: ''BATMAN!'' He's the only one worthy of the game! :'''Manny''': But you said sooner or later he's gonna catch you. What are you gonna do? :'''Riddler''': I'm never going back to Arkham! So I guess there's only one thing to do! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': Hello, Batman. This is it: the end of the game. I'm a little sad actually. You were a worthy opponent. But then, I told you I'd make a ''killing'' at the Toy Fair! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': ''[ranting in a cell in Arkham]'' It's IMPOSSIBLE, I tell you! Impossible! My trap was perfect! How did he do it?! I have to know! SOMEBODY TELL ME! IT'S NOT FAIR! THERE WAS NO WAY, I TELL YOU! NO WAY HE COULD HAVE GOTTEN OUT! SOMEBODY TELL ME! DO YOU HEAR ME?! SOMEBODY TELL ME HOW HE DID IT! I HAVE TO KNOW! '''''I HAVE TO KNOOOOOOOOOW!!!''''' ===''Second Chance'' [2.15]=== :'''Penguin''': And what might ''you'' be doing out there? Catching insects for dinner? :'''Batman''': I'm looking for Two-Face. :'''Penguin''': What, did you lose him? ''[chuckles]'' :'''Batman''': Somebody kidnapped him from Gotham Central tonight. You and he had a disagreement sometime ago, didn't you? :'''Penguin''': It's true. Harvey stole a rare ''avis'' right out from under my beak several months ago. A jewel-encrusted statuette of a two-headed [[w:roc (mythology)|roc]]. It was worth millions. But, my dear rodent, I'd never kidnap a fellow rogue out of his sickbed. It just isn't done. :'''Batman''': Honour among thieves? :'''Penguin''': Absolutely. If I were going to attack Harvey, I'd do it face to face... to face, heh, so to speak. Like THIS! ''[laughs and unleashes his birds on Batman]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You may as well come out. I know everything now. :''[A man emerges, his identity obscured by shadows]'' :'''Batman''': You hated Harvey Dent, and would do anything to destroy him. :''[Lightning flashes, revealing the man to be Two-Face himself]'' :'''Two-Face''': Why not? He was going to destroy me. Just like I'm going to destroy you! ''[attacks him]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Harvey, pull yourself up! :'''Harvey''': I can't! I'll drop the coin! :'''Batman''': Drop it! Save yourself! :'''Harvey''': I... I don't know what to do. The coin won't tell me! :'''Batman''': It can't tell you anything! I switched coins when you grabbed me! :'''Robin''': ''[swings and kicks the thugs out of Batman's way]'' Good thing I decided to tag along after all. :'''Batman''': It's a trick coin! It'll always land on edge! It's ''your'' decision now, Harvey! Life or death? The coin or me? :''[Robin threw the batarang to hit the elevator button to send the thug in an elevator, thunderstruck and Harvey/Two-Face decided to drops the coin]'' :'''Harvey''': Batman, help me. :''[Batman tries to give Harvey a hand, but Two-Face suddenly regains control]'' :'''Two-Face''': Never! ''[punches Batman and falls]'' :'''Batman''': ''HARVEY!!!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harvey''': ''[seen in half-shadow, making him appear to once again be Harvey Dent instead of Two-Face]'' Bruce? Good old Bruce. Always there. You never give up on me. :''[Bruce Wayne smiles and pats Harvey's shoulder before he is escorted away]'' :'''Dick''': He's right. You're always there for him. :'''Bruce''': Yes, just like you're always there for me. :'''Dick''': Hey, what are friends for? ===''Harley's Holiday'' [2.16]=== :'''Scarecrow''': I am the Master of Fear! The Lord of Despair! Cower before me in witless terror! :'''Harley''': Hi, Professor Crane! :'''Scarecrow''': ''[Smiling fondly]'' Good evening, child. ''[To Batman and Robin, furiously]'' Worship me, you fools! Worship me! Scream hosannas of anguish to Scarecrow, the all-terrible God of Fear! ''[Guards take him away]'' :'''Robin''': I think he's getting better. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley''': I'm having a BAD DAY! I'm sick of people trying to shoot me, run me over and blow me up! I didn't even get to keep my new dress - I ACTUALLY PAID FOR IT! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman and Robin take Harley back to Arkham]'' :'''Harley''': ''[sadly]'' [[w:To market, to market|Home again, home again, diggity dig...]] :'''Dr. Joan Leland''': Not for too long, though. Ms. Vreeland dropped the kidnapping charges. With a little more hard work, you should be ready to re-enter society for good. :'''Harley''': Yay... ''[to Batman]'' There's one thing I've gotta know. Why'd you stay with me all day, risking your butt for someone who's never given you anything but trouble? :'''Batman''': I know what it's like to try and rebuild a life. ''[takes her dress out of a bag]'' I had a bad day too, once. :'''Harley''': ''[takes the dress, smiling]'' Nice guys like you shouldn't have bad days. ===''Lock-Up'' [2.17]=== :'''Scarecrow''': Don't take me back there, please! Look at me, Batman! I'm shaking with fear! Me! The Scarecrow! I wasn't even going back to crime this time! I just had to get away from... HIM! :'''[[w:Lock-Up (comics)|Lyle Bolton]]''': I'll take it from here, Batman. Lyle Bolton, Chief of security. Congratulations, Professor Crane. You're the first inmate to escape Arkham under my charge. ''[He grabs Crane by the collar; Crane whimpers]'' You're also the last. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bartholomew''': Miss Quinn? Do you have any complaints against Mr. Bolton? :''[Lyle Bolton sneers threateningly at Harley Quinn]'': :'''Harley Quinn''': I got nothing to say. :'''Bartholomew''': But surely you must have something you wish to- :'''Harley Quinn''': You got a hearing problem or something?! NO! NADA! IXNAY! ZERO! ZILCH! BUPKES! NOTHING! OKAY?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': He threatens us! Takes away our privileges, even when we're good! :'''[[w:Lock-Up (comics)|Lyle Bolton]]''': We've heard enough of this nonsense. :'''Jonathon Crane''': He says scum like us must be kept in line! That's why he chains us down at night and electrifies our doors! :'''Scarface''': He held me over a can filled with a termites! Ya hear me?! ''TERMITES!'' :'''Harley Quinn''': He's an animal! :'''Ventriloquist''': A monster! :'''Jonathon Crane''': Keep him away! :'''Lyle Bolton''': '''SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU!''' :''[The guards retrain Lyle Bolton, he kicks the table, resists the guards and attack and them; he threatens to kill the inmates, and Bruce Wayne trips him with the chair]'' :'''Lyle Bolton''': You're all scum! You should be beaten within an inch of your misbegotten lives! :'''Bartholomew''': I've seen enough! ''[pounds the gravel]'' Lyle Bolton, you're dismissed! :'''Lyle Bolton''': Before I came here, Arkham was a revolving door for every maniac in Gotham. ''I'' kept them in! '''ME!''' Now I realize I was wrong to punish those pathetic miscreants! '''THEY'RE ONLY SYMPTOMS! ''YOU'RE'' THE CAUSE! THE GUTLESS POLICE, MINDLESS BUREAUCRATS, AND CODDLING DOCTORS! YOU SHOULD ALL BE LOCKED UP IN A CAGE WITHOUT A KEY!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lock Up''': I could have rid Gotham of the fools in city hall and the police department! We could have made our own order! :'''Batman''': I was born to fight your brand of order! :'''Lock Up''': If that's your decision...! ===''Make 'Em Laugh'' [2.18]=== :'''Dispatcher''': Disturbance reported at the top of the Crown restaurant. Suspect is a male costumed extremist armed with what appears to be a... ketchup gun. :'''Batman''': It's going to be one of those nights. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Condiment King''': So long, suckers! Parting is such "sweet-and-sour" sorrow. ''[Batman yanks away his loot bag]'' What's this? Ah! The big bad Bat-guy. I knew you'd "ketchup" to me sooner or later. How I've "relished" this meeting. You, the dynamic Dark Knight, versus me, the conceptual Condiment King! Come, Batman. Let's see if you can "cut the mustard". :'''Batman''': Quiet! ''[punches the King in the stomach]'' :'''Condiment King''': ''[slumps to ground, gasping]'' You hit me! :'''Batman''': Now listen, Mustard Man, or whatever you call yourself. You're obviously new at this, so I'm willing to go easy on you, provided you give back the loot and never even think about doing this again. Deal? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Buddy's agent''': I don't get it. Buddy's just thrown his entire career away. The network's cancelling his show and the restaurant's suing him for a million dollars. Why did he do it? It just doesn't make sense. ===''Deep Freeze'' [2.19]=== :'''Batman''': Men like Walker are obsessed with getting their own way. And they don't let little things like the ''law'' stop them. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grant Walker''': Do you realize that in your half-frozen state, you will age more slowly than an ordinary human? You're practically immortal, my friend! :'''Mr. Freeze''': Yes, eternal life trapped in this wretched shell! What a miserable joke. :'''Grant Walker''': Miserable to you, but a godsend to me. Look at me, Mr. Freeze, I'm an old man. I've created wonders in my lifetime, but there is still so much to do! I want to change as you have. To become, like you, a being of blessed, eternal cold. :'''Mr. Freeze''': You're insane. :'''Grant Walker''': Only you know how to duplicate the accident that made you what you are. What I long to become! :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[grabs him]'' You want to live like this? Abandoned and alone? A prisoner in a world you can see but never touch? ''[drops him and turns away]'' Old and infirm as you are, I'd trade a thousand of my frozen years for your worst day. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grant Walker''': Every time I open a park, I get gatecrashers. :'''Batman''': We've seen your insane vision of the future, Walker. :'''Grant Walker''': My world will have no crime, violence or pain. :'''Robin''': You can add free will to that list too! :'''Grant Walker''': A small price to pay for order. :'''Batman''': ''Your'' order! For your select few! :'''Grant Walker''': Excuse me, but I fail to see the problem with that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You can't let Walker do this. Billions of people will perish! :'''Mr. Freeze''': That's not my concern. All that matters is I once again have my wife, and the means to restore her. :'''Batman''': She'll wake up in a dead, frozen world that ''you'' helped destroy. She'll ''hate'' you for that! :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''Silence.'' :'''Batman''': You think you're alone now? Wait until she learns the truth. :'''Mr. Freeze''': '''I SAID ''SILENCE!''''' ''[blasts at Batman and Robin, knocking them backward, then turns back to Nora with a saddened face]'' Forgive me... ''[frees Batman and Robin]'' Come, there is much to do. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Dick recovers from hypothermia]'' :'''Dick''': Man, if I spent any more time in that immersion tank, I'd be growing gills. :'''Bruce''': I'm just glad I was able to get you back here in time. :'''Dick''': Thanks. For a while I thought I'd end up like Walker, trapped in a ice cube forever. What about Mr. Freeze? Do you think he's gone for good? :'''Bruce''': I'm not sure. But if Freeze's condition has made him truly immortal... we may not have seen the last of him. ===''Batgirl Returns'' [2.20]=== :'''Catwoman''': Bats are just mice with wings, little girl. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Batgirl|Batgirl]]''': So, what are you going to do? Leave us over one of these vats with acid burning through the rope? :'''Daggett''': ''[Laughs]'' If there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's that you crime-fighting types are very resourceful. So, I'll just have my men shoot you and throw your bodies in the vats. == About ''{{PAGENAME}}'' == *'''PD''': If I had to differentiate between [Batman and Superman], I'd say Superman is sort of about hope. You've got this guy who's an alien and not truly human, but he personifies all the best qualities of humanity. He's sort of an example of what it would be nice to be like. We would all like to be like Superman. We would all like to have power, compassion, the ability to settle problems in a good way, and maybe [be able to] wink to ourselves about how nobody else besides us knows we really have this secret power and we keep it ourselves. There's not a lot of angst with Superman. If there is, it's more like, "I wish I could tell Lois who I really was." Batman is how you'd like to be if you [could] break someone's neck: "I'm pissed off, and I want to go out and do something about it." Superman waits for trouble to happen, and then he goes off and stops the problem. Batman's looking for trouble; he doesn't really start it, but he's out there looking. And if he sees something going on, he just jumps into the middle of it. :'''JA''': Batman's sort of a sociopath too. :'''PD''': He's absolutely a sociopath. He's a sociopath with a lot of money, and he's got a sense of right and wrong. I don't think he's totally bereft of some sort of compassion or feeling for some of the villains. He doesn't go after somebody like Mr. Freeze without a small bit of compassion for the man, or maybe someone like the Mad Hatter, or even Harley, whom he thinks is certainly a pain in the ass, but I think he kind of wishes she'd get her act together and wise up at some point. <br> But with darker characters like the Scarecrow and the Joker, he's basically out to make sure they never get out again - whatever it takes to take them down. Somebody like the Joker is probably the least human of all of Batman's Rogues Gallery. That was why I never wanted to do a story that humanizes the Joker, like we did with the Mad Hatter or Mr. Freeze, because I just don't think the character lends itself to that. He's almost supernatural in a way; he's somebody who's just thoroughly insane, who does what he wants to do, and who has a grudge against Batman. He probably likes horrifying people with his clownish appearance as much as Batman terrorizes criminals with his nightmare-like appearance. The Joker is pretty inhuman. I'd say the same thing about the Scarecrow. He is someone who really gets turned on by scaring people. He's like the anti-Batman. He's a weak, very unimposing man until he puts on the Scarecrow costume, and then goes out and gasses people with fear gas, and he watches them squirm. There's probably a big turn-on seeing people helpless in front of him screaming in fear. *'''PD''': When [[w:Tim Burton|Tim Burton]]'s ''[[Batman (1989 film)|Batman]]'' came out, that was the way to go. Now [[w:Joel Schumacher|Joel Schumacher]]'s [[Batman Forever|Batman]] is out there, and people are flocking to the movies, so they"re saying, "Can you lighten up the show a little bit? Can you have more fun with it?" So that's what we were charged with doing, and that's what we've done: to lighten up the color palette a little bit, so that every character's not just in dark colors. Robin, for instance, is now black, red, and gold, instead of green. Nightwing is black and a light, almost iridescent, blue. We've also given it a little more of a kid-friendly look. :* [[w:Paul Dini|Paul Dini]], [http://animationarena.com/batman_the_animated_series.html "Batman: The Animated Series"], ''Animation Arena''. * The thing with the Batman show—even though it's one of the most beautiful and well-written shows, and it really gets into Batman—is that it doesn't really move that fast. The fight scenes aren't that intense, and it doesn't really go actiony. There's a lot of walking and talking in it. It looks great, but it needs that kick of having action. And I think that's another thing that kids are picking up on: For the first time, you're actually seeing superheroes really fight bad guys. In a lot of the cartoons when I was growing up, like [[w:Super Friends|Super Friends]], there was no fighting of bad guys. They would just get sent off to jail. It was wacky, it was silly, it wasn't intense, and there wasn't real fighting and stuff in it. ** [[w:Craig McCracken|Craig McCracken]] [http://www.avclub.com/article/the-powerpuff-girls-13665 "The Powerpuff Girls"], Keith Phipps, ''A.V.Club'', Jun 21, 2000. == Cast == * [[Kevin Conroy]] - [[w:Batman|Bruce Wayne/Batman]] * [[w:Loren Lester|Loren Lester]] - [[w:Dick Grayson|Dick Grayson/Robin]] * [[w:Melissa Gilbert|Melissa Gilbert]] - [[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara Gordon/Batgirl]] * [[w:Clive Revill|Clive Revill]]/[[w:Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.|Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.]] - [[w:Alfred Pennyworth|Alfred Pennyworth]] * [[w:Bob Hastings|Bob Hastings]] - [[w:James Gordon (comics)|Commissioner James Gordon]] * [[w:Robert Costanzo|Robert Costanzo]] - [[w:Harvey Bullock (comics)|Detective Harvey Bullock]] * [[w:Ingrid Oliu|Ingrid Oliu]]/Liane Schirmer - [[w:Renee Montoya|Officer Renee Montoya]] * [[Mark Hamill]] - [[w:The Joker (comics)|The Joker]] * [[w:Arleen Sorkin|Arleen Sorkin]] - [[w:Harley Quinn|Dr. Harleen Quinzel/Harley Quinn]] * [[Paul Williams (songwriter)|Paul Williams]] - [[w:Penguin (comics)|Oswald Cobblepot/The Penguin]] * [[Adrienne Barbeau]] - [[w:Catwoman|Selina Kyle/Catwoman]] * [[w:John Glover (actor)|John Glover]] - [[w:Riddler|Edward Nygma/The Riddler]] * [[w:Richard Moll|Richard Moll]] - [[w:Two-Face (comics)|Harvey Dent/Two-Face]] * [[w:George Dzundza|George Dzundza]] - [[w:The Ventriloquist (comics)|Arnold Wesker/The Ventriloquist/Scarface]] * [[w:Henry Silva|Henry Silva]] - [[w:Bane (comics)|Bane]] * [[w:Aron Kincaid|Aron Kincaid]] - [[w:Killer Croc|Killer Croc]] * [[w:Marc Singer|Marc Singer]] - [[w:Man-Bat|Dr. Kirk Langstrom/Man-Bat]] * [[w:Ron Perlman|Ron Perlman]] - [[w:Clayface|Matt Hagen/Clayface]] * [[w:Diane Pershing|Diane Pershing]] - [[w:Poison Ivy (comics)|Dr. Pamela Isley/Poison Ivy]] * [[w:Henry Polic II|Henry Polic II]] - [[w:Scarecrow (DC comics)|Dr. Jonathan Crane/The Scarecrow]] * [[w:Roddy McDowall|Roddy McDowall]] - [[w:Mad Hatter|Dr. Jervis Tetch/The Mad Hatter]] * [[w:Michael Ansara|Michael Ansara]] - [[w:Mr. Freeze|Dr. Victor Freeze/Mr. Freeze]] * [[David Warner (actor)|David Warner]] - [[w:Ra's al Ghul|Ra's al Ghul]] ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} {{Batman}} [[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated superhero TV shows]] [[Category:Animated Batman TV shows]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Animated television programs based on Detective Comics]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Fox Broadcasting Company animated television series]] [[Category:Television series by Warner Bros. Animation]] 63sk8gkwfr1it4kim7qcgd0hu3xfc7r 3778911 3778910 2025-07-14T22:38:27Z 81.151.41.137 /* Two-Face Part 1 [1.10] */ 3778911 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Batman-_The_Animated_Series_logo.svg|thumb|I am [[vengeance]]. I am the [[night]]. I am, '''[[Batman|BATMAN]]'''!]] {{italic title}} '''''[[W:Batman: The Animated Series|Batman: The Animated Series]]''''' is an American animated superhero television series based on the [[DC Comics]] superhero Batman. It was succeeded by ''[[The Adventures of Batman & Robin]]'' and ''[[The New Batman Adventures]]''; the first production in the [[w:DC Animated Universe|DC Animated Universe]]. ==Season 1== ===''On Leather Wings'' [1.1]=== :'''Batman''': ''[reading the paper]'' "Gotham Police Declare War on Batman"? :'''Alfred''': I gather you've been reading ''[[w:How to Win Friends and Influence People|How to Make Friends and Influence People]]''? :'''Batman''': Somebody's setting me up. :'''Alfred''': My heavens. You mean it ''wasn't'' you tossing guards out of windows last night? :'''Batman''': ''[amused]'' I only toss butlers, Alfred. <hr width='50%'/> :'''[[w:Rene Auberjonois|Dr. March]]''': You donate a few million, and you think you own the place. I understand I'm to analyse something for you? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Yeah, doc. See, I keep hearing squeaks in my chimney, and I found these in my empty fireplace. They look like hairs. I thought maybe you could tell me if I have a bat problem. :'''Dr. March''': And what if they are bats, Mr. Wayne? What then? Destroy them like insects? We won't survive the next evolutionary cataclysm, but bats will! They're survivors, Mr. Wayne, not pests! You should understand that! <hr width='50%'/> :'''Dr. Kirk Langstrom''': ''[enters laboratory upon hearing noises]'' Who's back there? ''[spots Batman]'' You...! :'''Batman''': I'm looking for Dr. March. :'''Langstrom''' He's not here, Batman. :'''Batman''': Where is he? :'''Langstrom''': Giving a lecture on human extinction and bat evolution. He's really quite brilliant. :'''Batman''': He's misguided, and a thief. ''[holds up a vial of the serum]'' :'''Langstrom''': He's just a theorist, he was afraid to put it to the test. But I wasn't. I knew he'd discovered a formula to create a totally new species, neither man nor bat. And once I started taking it, I couldn't stop. I desperately wanted to, but... ''it'' took over. Francine and March tried to protect me, but it was too late. The beast knew what chemicals were needed to bring itself about! It was out of my control! And it only needs one more component to complete the process! ''[voice lowering]'' It's in ''ME'', Batman! ''[laughs maniacally and begins to change into Man-Bat]'' <hr width='50%'/> :'''Bullock''': Let's go! :'''Lieutenant''': I can’t do it, sir! :'''Bullock''': Whaddaya mean "you can’t do it"?! :'''Lieutenant''': I just got word not to let you up without the Commissioner! :'''Bullock''': Who told you that?! :'''Lieutenant''': The Commissioner! ''[points at Gordon as he arrives]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Get out, Detective! The Mayor may not let me fire you, but I am ''not'' taking the heat for your fiasco! :'''Bullock''': This is my case, Commissioner! You heard the Mayor! :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Then why don't you go take it up with him?! I've got a job to do! If you wanna tag along, fine! ''[gets into the helicopter]'' Take her up, Lieutenant! :'''Bullock''': ''[trying to clamber in as it takes off]'' Hey! Wait for me! ===''Christmas With The Joker'' [1.2]=== :''[the Arkham Asylum inmates practice signing Jingle Bells as other inmates set up a giant Christmas tree]'' :'''Joker''': Jingle bells! Batman smells! Robin laid an egg! ''[gets a tree-topper and climbs to install it]'' The Batmobile lost a wheel and the Jo-ker got a-wa-a-a-ay! ''[attaches the ornament and the Christmas Tree ignites, revealed as a rocket. Joker clambers at it launches]'' Crashing through the roof! In a one-horse-open tree! Busting out I go! Laughing all the WHEEEEE! ''[the "rocket-tree" flies off into the distance as he sings]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the Christmas with the Joker show]'' :'''Joker''': Rumor has it, Christmas is a time to share with family. :'''Laugh track''': Yea! :'''Joker''': And since I don't have one of my own... :'''Laugh track''': Aww... :'''Joker''': I decided to STEAL one! :'''Laugh track''': Yea! :'''Joker''': And here they are: The Awful Lawful Family! ''[lights turn on and reveal Gordon, Summer, and Bullock tied up and gagged]'' Aren't they just the cutest family you've ever seen? :'''Batman''': ''[watching in the Batmobile]'' It's never easy with the Joker. :'''Joker''': Meet Daddy Lawful! ''[ungags Gordon]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': YOU DISEASED MANIAC! I'LL- ''[Joker gags him again]'' :'''Joker''': Hmm. Looks like I'll have to teach Daddy some manners. And here's Mommy Lawful! ''[ungags Summer]'' :'''Summer Gleason''': HELP! SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP US- ''[Joker gags her again]'' :'''Joker''': Ho ho ho, isn't she jolly? And here we have little Baby Lawful! Coochie coochie coo! ''[ungags Bullock]'' :'''Detective Bullock''': WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, I'LL RIP YOUR- ''[Joker gags him again]'' :'''Joker''': I'll bet Batman wishes he had a family just like mine. Personally I think relatives are a bore, so Batman can have them... ''[points to clock showing 10:30PM] if'' he can find them by midnight! Otherwise... ''[makes a throat-slashing motion and laughs]'' ===''Nothing To Fear'' [1.3]=== :''[Bruce is introduced to Dr. Long and he offers a handshake]'' :'''Dr. Long''': ''[looks at hand and pouts off]'' Your father and I attended university together. He had big plans for you. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Well, I guess he'd be pleased. Wayne Industries is more prosperous than ever. :'''Dr. Long''': Pleased? When your father was alive, Wayne was a name that commanded great respect. Now all Wayne stands for is a self-centered jet-setting playboy. It's lucky your father didn't live to see what you've done to his good name. He'd have died of shame. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Scarecrow sprays a security guard with gas]'' :'''Guard''': Stop! What the-- No! No, spiders! Get them offa me! No! NO! ''[cowers in fear]'' :'''Anthony''': What did you do to him, boss? :'''[[w:Scarecrow (DC Comics)|Scarecrow]]''': I merely helped him visualize his innermost terror, which is obviously [[w:arachnophobia|arachnophobia]]. :'''Nigel''': A-whack-a-what? :'''Scarecrow''': Arachnophobia! Fear of spiders, you dimwitted dropout! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': It seems I have underestimated the Batman, but at least the University is finished. :'''Anthony''': Gee, boss, I never liked school, but, uh, how come you hate the university so much? :'''Scarecrow''': They tried to destroy me. :'''Nigel''': You mean they kicked you out 'cause you weren't smart enough? :'''Scarecrow''': No, you simpleton! ''[pinches Nigel's broken nose]'' :'''Nigel''': Ow! :'''Scarecrow''': I taught there. I was a professor of psychology, specializing in phobias. Inducing terror has always intrigued me. Even as a boy, I loved to frighten things. People, animals, it was all the same. I became obsessed with fear's crippling power. Later, when I became their leading Professor of Subliminal Psychology at the University, I began performing experiments on fear and its subsequent effects. Dr. Long thought I went too far - he called me a lunatic. So now, they will learn the true nature of horror! :'''Anthony''': ''[to Nigel]'' Wow, he's a real professor. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman has been exposed to Scarecrow's fear toxin]'' :'''Thomas Wayne''': Bruce... :'''Batman''': No... not now... :'''Thomas Wayne''': You are a disgrace! ''[turns into the [[w:Grim Reaper|Grim Reaper]]]'' :'''Batman''': No... You are NOT my father. I am NOT a disgrace! I am vengeance, I am the night. I...AM...'''BATMAN!''' ===''The Last Laugh'' [1.4]=== :'''Summer Gleeson''': I'm here in Downtown Gotham where corporate CEOs have gone stark, raving mad. It would appear that the collapse of the stock market is now imminent. The question is: Will [[April Fools' Day]] mark the end of Gotham City as we know it? :'''Joker''': The only things gaining now are the laughing stocks! ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[After trapping Batman in a sealed garbage can]'' :'''Joker''': I just love these new Ziploc seals! We wouldn't want our little caged rodent to suffocate, so we'll just ''[draws a knife]'' PUNCH SOME AIRHOLES! ''[laughing, he stabs holes in the can, with Batman being forced to dodge each one]'' Okay, Captain! Give 'er the old heave-ho! ''[Captain Clown salutes and throws the can into the river, where it starts to flood and sink]'' Oops! Looks like our airholes are waterholes too! ''[smirking at the viewer]'' What a shame! ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Justice is served hot, Batman! You're going to melt just like a grilled-cheese sandwich! :''[The Joker tries to send Batman falling into the furnace with a cascade of garbage, but Batman escapes and swings to safety on his grappling hook]'' :'''Batman''': Justice ''will'' be served, Joker. :'''Joker''': Service with a SMILE?! ''[tosses a razor card at Batman, who dodges it just in time]'' :'''Batman''': Clean up your act, Joker. :'''Joker''': Oh, that's a joke, right? Batman finally told a joke! ''[laughing, the Joker draws another card and flings it, but Batman catches it with a smirk. With a gasp of shock, the Joker tries to flee, but gets his food caught on a cable and he ends up dangling over the furnace]'' BATMAN! YOU WOULDN'T LET ME FRY, WOULD YOU?! ''[Batman leans on the railing, pretending to consider it] '''BATMAN!''' [Batman pulls him up]'' ===''Pretty Poison'' [1.5]=== :'''Dent''': So, what do you think? :'''Bruce''': Does she have a sister? :'''Dent''': Nope. Pam's one of a kind. That's why I asked her to marry me. :'''Bruce''': ''[spits out his water upon hearing this]'' WHAT?! :'''Dent''': Yup, that's the page one headline. Hey... is it starting to get warm? :'''Bruce''': You're still flushed from that last kiss. Harvey, you just met her last week! :'''Dent''': And I already know she's the one. Gosh, it's hot in here... :'''Bruce''': Marriage is a major step, Harvs. Don't you think you're rushing it? :'''Dent''': No way. The moment I laid eyes on Pam, her love hit me right in the face. ''[falls right into the food he ordered]'' :'''Bruce''': ''[laughs]'' Harvey, you've lost your mind. Knock it off. ''[sees him unresponsive]'' Harv? Harvey! ''[Later sees Harvey carried into an ambulance and climbs inside]'' Hang on, Harvey. Hang on. <hr width=50%"/> :'''Bullock''': So what'd you put in this mousse?! :'''Chef''': Chocolate, sugar, eggs, cream... :'''Bullock''': STRYCHNINE?! :'''Chef''': No, no, no strychnine. But I added just a pinch of vanilla. :'''Bullock''': ''[turns to a waiter, frustrated]'' You know who did it?! TALK! :'''Waiter''': Hey, I just clean the dishes, okay? <hr width=50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[chuckles]'' Batman! A late night rendezvous? To what do I owe the honor? :'''Batman''': ''[struggling against Ivy's giant flytrap]'' Harvey Dent! :'''Poison Ivy''': Oh, the poor district attorney. I hear he's not expected to live. Oh, it's so sad... ''[feigns crying, which quickly turns to insane laughter]'' :'''Batman''': Why, Isley? :'''Poison Ivy''': Oh, please, call me Poison Ivy. You see, Harvey had to pay for his crime. :'''Batman''': What crime? :'''Poison Ivy''': Why, murder, of course! Plowing up a field of beautiful wildflowers for that silly penitentiary of his. This little rose would be extinct today if I hadn't saved my precious from those horrible bulldozers! The blood of those flowers are on his hands! ''[calms down after her tantrum]'' So his fate was sealed ''[applies lipstick]'' ...with a kiss. And now, so is yours. ''[Ivy's plant holds Batman still as she kisses him; he tries to spit away the poison]'' Oh, what's wrong? Afraid I have cooties? ''[laughs]'' Oh, now you've gone and hurt my feelings. Too bad. I was going to share the antidote with you. ''[opens a bottle and waves it under his nose]'' Lovely fragrance, don't you think? ''[applies a drop to her face]'' I call it "Rose From the Dead". <hr width=50%"/> :''[In a cell in Arkham]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': They can bury me in the ground, as deep as they like. But I'll grow back. ''[to her rose]'' We ''always'' grow back. Don't we, baby? ===''The Underdwellers'' [1.6]=== :'''Sewer King''': Lesson number one is: NOOOOO TAAAALKING! Children are to be seen and not heard. We are the Underdwellers. We are the silent ones. We follow the invisible creed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sewer King''': Frog! The rolls, if you please. :''[Another boy nervously steps over with them; the Sewer King grabs his wrist angrily]'' :'''Sewer King''': You're not Frog! Where is he?! He's not here! ''[smacks the bowl of rolls away]'' NOT HERE! And after all I've done for you ungrateful little monsters! I took you in when nobody else would have you! It is I who care for you! I who provide for you! And only I WHO KNOWS WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU! Would you rather I sent you back into the light? Back to those who hurt you, and sent you away? :''[The children tearfully shake their heads; the Sewer King pushes the dinner table over with a loud crash]'' :'''Sewer King''': THERE WILL BE NOTHING TO EAT UNTIL FROG IS FOUND! NOW OUT WITH YOU! ''OUT WITH YOU!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I don't know what kind of barbarian did this to you, but it's over. And from now on, you'll be treated like human beings. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sewer King''': ''[clapping]'' Bravo. Bravo. You've caused me great distress, you evil bat, yes, yes, yes, you have! You've hurt my pretty pets, and you've frightened my beloved children! :'''Batman''': ''[incredulous and disgusted]'' "Beloved children"?! :'''Sewer King''': Yes! I feed them, I clothe them, I discipline them, and I teach them a trade! And now, I will teach ''you'' something! :''[He stamps on Batman's hands, but Batman swings under the pipe and kicks him from behind, causing him to fall off]'' :'''Batman''': Grab my hand! :'''Sewer King''': ''NEVER!'' :''[He falls into the water, where the alligators close in and seemingly devour him]'' :'''Batman''': A gruesome fate for a gruesome man. :''[He hears the Sewer King laughing, and sees him with the alligators, unharmed]'' :'''Sewer King''': I rather enjoyed it! I told you, they're my pretties! ''[pets one, laughing]'' Have a nice swim! :''[Batman swings over to chase him, narrowly missing the alligators' jaws]'' :'''Batman''': Later. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman pulls the Sewer King out of the way of an oncoming train]'' :'''Sewer King''': Why? Why?! ''Why?!'' :'''Batman''': ''[seething with anger]'' I don't pass sentence. That's for the courts. But this time - ''this time'' - I am ''sorely tempted'' to do the job myself! ===''P.O.V.'' [1.7]=== :''[after Batman grapples up a crane with Officer Montoya to safety]'' :'''Batman''': Are you alright? :''[Machine gun bullets hit around Batman and Officer Montoya, causing both of them to duck]'' :'''Officer Montoya''': Dandy. :'''Batman''': Then don't go away. :'''Officer Montoya''': ''[Batman leaves as more machine gun bullets hit. Montoya stays down]'' Count on it. <hr width="50%"/> :''[after Commissioner Gordon congratulates Officer Montoya for foiling the dock heist with Batman's aid]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': I have to hand it to you, Montoya. You and the Batman really turned this thing around. :'''Patrolman Wilkes''': Yeah, what a [[wikt:collar|collar]]! You didn't just bust 'em, you put the whole gang out of commission. ''[Lieutenant Hackle appears to accuse Montoya]'' :'''Lieutenant Hackle''': What collar? She's suspended! ''[Gordon angrily grabs Heckle]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': This [[wikt:farce|farce]] has gone far enough, Hackle! We apprehended the suspects and recovered our money. The investigation is closed! ''[He grabs three confiscated police badges out of Hackle's suit pocket and shoves him aside. He hands the badges to Officer Montoya]'' Officer Montoya earned this collar. :'''Officer Montoya''': The collar belongs to all three of us, Commissioner. It was a team effort. ''[Montoya accepts hers and hands Wilkes back his badge]'' :'''Patrolman Wilkes''': Gee... thanks, partner! :'''Detective Bullock''': ''[grumbling under his breath]'' Yeah, yeah... :'''Officer Montoya''': What was that, Bullock? ''[happily gives badge to Bullock]'' :'''Detective Bullock''': ''[reluctantly hesitates, accepts his badge]'' I said... Thanks a lot, Montoya. ===''The Forgotten'' [1.8]=== :'''Bruce''': What is this? :'''Smith''': If it's moving, it's a rat. If it isn't, it's a cooked rat. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': ''[Alfred flies the Batwing to the tracking device's location]'' This must be the place! Bring us down! :'''Batwing Computer''': Negative. :'''Alfred''': ''[pressing buttons madly]'' But Master Bruce is down there! We HAVE to land! :'''Computer''': Impossible. Area too confined. :'''Alfred''': ''[pounds the console]'' Land, you bucket of bolts! :'''Computer''': Your funeral. :'''Alfred''': Oh, dear...! ''[The Batwing flies down abruptly. Bruce, escaping the mine, sees the Batwing fly over]'' :'''Bruce''': ''[Smiles]'' Son of a gun! :''[The Batwing reaches a flat area near Bruce and lands. The cockpit opens.]'' :'''Computer''': Watch your step. :'''Alfred''': ''[tumbles out, dazed]'' [[w:Juan Rodriguez Cabrillo|I-I-I claim this land... for Spain]]. ''[collapses]'' ===''Be A Clown'' [1.9]=== :'''Jordan''': How can I get to be a great magician like you, Jekko? :'''"Jekko"''': Well, there are three steps! Step one: run away. Step two: find a magician with a great act. And step three: ''steal it.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Summer Gleason''': ''[reporting on TV]'' Denying reports of a bomb blast at his son's birthday party, Mayor Hill insists the explosion was caused by faulty electrical wiring. :'''"Jekko"''': Yeah! RIGHT! ''[laughs]'' :'''Summer Gleason''': The Mayor declined, however, to confirm that his son Jordan was missing. :'''"Jekko"''': Missing? :'''Jordan''': ''[coming into view]'' It's me, Jekko. I ran away. :'''"Jekko"''': You did '''WHAT?!?''' :'''Jordan''': I want to be a magician, like you. :'''"Jekko"''': Why, you... ''[laughs]'' Well, kid, you got step one right! Come on in. I've been thinking about a protégé. <hr width="50%"/> :'''"Jekko"''': ''[sees Batman approaching on a monitor]'' Well, if it ain't the Caped Coconut... :'''Jordan''': My dad says Batman's no good. :'''"Jekko"''': Well, then I guess your dad's not a ''total'' idiot! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman is trapped inside a tank filled with water, complete with a straitjacket and leg restraints]'' :'''"Jekko"''': For your viewing pleasure, we present... the infamous water tank trap! The great [[w:Harry Houdini|Houdini]] survived such a test. Dare we demand less of the Batman?! :'''Jordan''': I don't like this, Jekko... :'''"Jekko"''': Quiet, kid, it's a free ticket. :''[Batman manages to free the sleeves of the jacket]'' :'''Jordan''': ''[clapping]'' He did it! He got free! :'''"Jekko"''': They don't make straitjackets like they used to. ''[grinning]'' I should know... :''[Batman wriggles out of the jacket and undoes the leg restraints, but struggles to break the glass]'' :'''Jordan''': He can't get out! What's the trick? :'''"Jekko"''': That's just it! THERE IS NO TRICK! :'''Jordan''': No! He'll drown! :''[Jordan grabs an axe and strikes the side of the tank to try and free Batman, but "Jekko" takes the axe away]'' :'''"Jekko"/Joker''': That's why they call it the FINALE! ''[throws down the axe and discards his "Jekko the Clown" mask]'' Now sit down and enjoy the show! ===''Two-Face Part 1'' [1.10]=== :'''[[w:John Vernon|Rupert Thorne]]''': All men have something to hide. The brighter the picture, the darker the negative. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Dent's raid on Thorne has been aborted by the judge due to supposed lack of reliable evidence]'' :'''Dent''': No! NO! '''I SPENT ''THREE MONTHS'' ON THAT RAID!''' He can't overturn! The fool! HE'S ''BEEN BOUGHT! LIKE ALL THE REST!'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[tries to restrain him]'' Harvey, please try to calm down. This sort of behavior doesn't run well with the voters- :'''Dent''': ''LET GO OF ME, YOU RICH TWIT!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dent''': Stealing someone's psychiatric file is pretty low, Thorne! Even for a swine like you! :'''Rupert Thorne''': But it makes for such fascinating reading. Listen to this, boys. Says here that when Harvey was a little boy, he was bothered by a bully. Every day the bully would bug him after school, until one day little Harvey got so mad, he slugged him one. :'''Thorne's Thugs''': Oooh! :'''Rupert Thorne''': Of course, the bully ran away, which made little Harvey very proud. Until he heard that the bully was in the hospital. :'''Candace''': That was some punch. :'''Rupert Thorne''': ''[chuckles]'' That's what Harvey thought. Except the guy was in the hospital for appendicitis! ''[chuckles again]'' But poor Harvey felt so guilty, he never showed his anger again. And that was the start of "Big Bad Harv". :'''Dent''': What do you want? :'''Rupert Thorne''': Just a few favors from the D.A.'s office. :'''Dent''': You're dreaming. :'''Rupert Thorne''': Otherwise, as a concerned citizen, I'd be compelled to give this to the press. After all, the people of Gotham have a right to know the kind of person... or should I say "persons", they've elected. So, what do you say, Harvey? Do we have a deal? :''[Harvey's face has contorted in building rage the entire time, but suddenly relaxes into deceptive docility]'' :'''Dent''': There's just one problem. :'''Rupert Thorne''': What's that? :'''Dent''': ''[in Big Bad Harv's voice]'' '''''You're talking to the wrong Harvey.''''' ===''Two-Face Part 2'' [1.11]=== :''[In a nightmare, Harvey is being chased by a dark shadow. He suddenly realizes he is standing on a collapsing wooden bridge]'' :'''Harvey Dent''': Stay back! ''[the shadow reveals itself to be Batman, pleading for Harvey's help]'' :'''Batman''': Harvey, please, let me help you! :'''Harvey Dent''': You?! You saw what was happening! You knew that something was terribly wrong with me! I thought you were my friend! You should have been able to help me--but you didn't! ''[Harvey covers his face with his two hands, now transformed into Two-Face]'' :'''Two-Face''': ''NOW LOOK AT ME!!'' :'''Batman''': But I tried, Harvey. I... ''[the bridge pulls itself apart, causing Two-Face to fall off]'' Harvey! :'''Two-Face''': ''[Plummets into an abyss of glowing red light] WHY COULDN'T YOU SAVE ME...?!!'' :''[Batman looks down the edge and gasps with horrified shock. He instead sees his late parents Thomas and Martha Wayne underneath a single lamppost. They both raise their heads in sadness]'' :'''Thomas Wayne''': Why couldn't you save us, son? :''[Bruce wakes up, sweating with fear. He then turns to a photo of Two-Face from a newspaper]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': So what are you dreaming tonight, Harvey? Peaceful dreams? Nightmares? Maybe both at once. Sleep well, my friend. Whether you are, whatever you've become... I ''will'' save you. I swear. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Two-Face''': This is my world now. A dichotomy of order and chaos - just like me. :'''Grace''': Harvey, what's happened to your mind, your feelings? You used to listen to your feelings. :'''Two-Face''': ''[flipping his coin]'' This is what I listen to now. ''Chance,'' Grace. Chance is everything. Whether you're born or not, whether you live or die, whether you're good or bad... it's all arbitrary. :'''Grace''': That's nonsense, Harvey. Was it chance that made you District Attorney? Was it chance that made you fall in love with me? Take control of your life, Harvey. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Two-Face grabs a tommy gun and aims at a defenceless Thorne]'' :'''Rupert Thorne''': No! Two-Face, don't! ''[to Batman]'' You can't let him! :'''Grace''': Harvey! What are you doing?! :'''Two-Face''': Taking control of my life. :'''Batman''': Let the law handle it. :'''Two-Face''': "The law"?! ''[takes out his coin]'' Here's the only law! The law of averages! The great equalizer! :''[Two-Face flips the coin, but Batman throws out a crate of other coins, and Two-Face's is lost among them as they spill out]'' :'''Two-Face''': ''[horrified and panicked]'' NO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! ''[searches through them frantically]'' My coin! Where is it?! I can't decide without...! Oh no, it's ''gotta'' be here, it's ''gotta! [shrieks with anguish]'' '''''I HAVE TO HAVE IT!!!''''' :''[He continues to scream, swiping the coins aside before collapsing in tears; Grace gently comforts him]'' :'''Grace''': It's all right now, Harvey. I'm here. ===''It's Never Too Late'' [1.12]=== :'''Father Michael Stromwell''': Arnold? That's one soul I wish I could give up on. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arnold Stromwell''': I don't need your help! :'''Michael Stromwell''': Is that a fact? An empire crumbling? A marriage shattered? A son lost? Sure, you're doing fine. ===''I've Got Batman In My Basement'' [1.13]=== :''[after Penguin's goons successfully steal a [[w:Fabergé egg|Fabergé egg]] on a tall building]'' :'''Goon 1''': ''[chuckles]'' A piece of cake, just like the boss said. :'''Goon 2''': Yeah, all it took was five minutes. ''[Batman makes his surprise appearance to the goons]'' :'''Batman''': And that'll get you five ''years''... ''[pause]'' with good behavior. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Be-fowled by a couple of fledgelings! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Grant''': Sherman, what are you doing down there? :'''Sherman''': Nothing, Mom! :'''Mrs. Grant''': You're not trying to make gunpowder again, are you? :'''Sherman''': No, Mom! Honest! :'''Roberta''': We just saved Batman's life, Mrs. Grant, and now we're hiding him from some bad criminals. :'''Mrs. Grant''': That's good, just don't make a mess. ''[leaves]'' :'''Sherman''': Nice going, Miss Big Mouth. :'''Roberta''': ''[shrugging]'' Sorry, Sherman, I guess I panicked. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Gentlemen - and I use the term loosely - after you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Eurgh, how bourgeois. Tearing this place apart could only improve it! Let the egg hunt begin! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Grant''': Young man, you've got some serious explaining to do! ''[sees Batman and the defeated Penguin and gasps]'' :'''Sherman''': Err, Mom, I'd like you to meet Batman. Batman, this is my mom. :'''Batman''': Ma'am. :'''Mrs. Grant''': Oh, hello... :'''Sherman''': Say, Batman, you wouldn't be single, would you? ===''[[w:Heart of Ice (Batman: The Animated Series)|Heart of Ice]]'' [1.14]=== :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[gazes at the ballerina snow globe]'' This is how I'll always remember you. Surrounded by [[winter]] forever young, forever beautiful. Rest well, my love. The monster who took you from me will soon learn that [[revenge]] is a dish... ''[opens his eyes through his red goggles]'' best served '''cold'''. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman infiltrates an office in GothCorp headquarters and sees a classified file with a videotape and medical records of a woman named Nora Fries. He plays the tape on a nearby VCR]'' :'''Victor Fries''': ''[on the tape]'' My name is Doctor Victor Fries. I am recording what I pray would be mankind's first step toward immortality. ''[camera pans to a large machine with a glass capsule and a woman inside it]'' Behind me, you see the CC-100, a cryogenic freezing chamber of my own design. I created it for the express purpose of freezing subjects stricken with inoperable ailments. Subjects like... my own beloved wife, Nora. Once a remedy has been found-- ''[reacts to a loud banging on the door]'' :'''Ferris Boyle''': ''[Behind the door]'' Open this door! Open it now! ''[A security guard kicks the door down, Ferris and another guard step into the room. Boyle confronts Fries angrily.]'' Get away from that equipment! ''[Orders his guards]'' Shut this stuff down. :'''Fries''': ''[Panicked]'' Stop! This is my experiment! :'''Boyle''': Your ''unauthorized'' experiment. I ordered funding suspended weeks ago! I'm already three million in debt thanks to you! :'''Fries''': You can't stop it now! My wife is in there! :'''Boyle''': So bring her out! :'''Fries''': You can't interrupt the process now! :'''Boyle''': ''[unmoved; to guard]'' Open it. :'''Fries''': ''[desperately holds on to Boyle]'' It's her only chance! :'''Boyle''': ''[shrugs off Fries]'' This is MY equipment! ''MINE!'' I have every legal right to use it or not use it as I see fit. I say this project ends ''now!'' :'''Fries''': ''[grabs pistol from security guard and aims it at Ferris]'' '''NO!''' Stay away from her, murderer! :'''Boyle''': ''[tries to act charming to Fries]'' Victor... I'm sorry... I lost my temper. It doesn't have to come to this. We can talk! ''[Fries calms down and Boyle kicks him into a table of cryonic chemicals. Victor screams in pain as the cloud of volatile chemicals engulf him. Boyle steps away in fear and runs out of the room with his guards]'' Get out. Get out! :'''Fries''': ''[Clinging to his freezing chamber, screaming through the glass] Nora! NORA...! [passes out. The tape ends]'' :'''Batman''': ''[Horrified]'' My God! :''[A voice rings out--it's Mr. Freeze, who just snuck in the room]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': Yes. It would move me to tears, if I still had tears to shed. ''[freezes Batman with his cryo-gun]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mr. Freeze raids the award ceremony and confronts Ferris Boyle, who is receiving a humanitarian award]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': The cold eyes of vengeance are upon you, Boyle. :'''Ferris Boyle''': Who...who ''are'' you?! :'''Mr. Freeze''': Come, now. Surely you remember your old colleague... Victor Fries? :''[Mr. Freeze aims and fires his freezing gun at Boyle's feet, ice slowly covering up his legs to his waist]'' :'''Boyle''': ''[cries in pain]'' NO! No...! Stop... please... I... b-beg you! ''[Mr. Freeze stops his freezing gun for a moment of clarity]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': You... ''beg?'' In my nightmares I see my Nora behind the glass, begging to me with frozen eyes. How I've longed to see that look frozen on you. :''[Batman batarangs Mr Freeze's cryo-gun and attacks him. Mr Freeze overpowers Batman and throws him off]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': The advanced circuitry that powers my suit also triples my strength! ''[engages Batman, and lifts him off the ground]'' Sooner or later, all who stand in my way must feel the icy touch of death! :''[Mr. Freeze is about to kill Batman, but collapses when Batman smashes his glass helmet with a thermos full of chicken soup given to him by Alfred earlier]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': ''[walks next to Batman]'' Ooh...! What was that stuff? :'''Batman''': The only way to fight a cold. :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[as his suit falters]'' It can't end this way... vengeance...! :'''Batman''': No, ''justice''. A year ago, Ferris Boyle interrupted an experiment, and in the process destroyed two lives. ''[gives Summer Gleeson the tape he found]'' Here's the evidence. ''[walks to a still shivering Boyle; he sneers at Boyle with disgust]'' Good night, humanitarian! ''[walks off]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mr. Freeze is in his subzero cell in Arkham Asylum, gazing into his ballerina snow globe]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': I failed you. I wish there were another way for me to say it... but I cannot. ''[Tears silently slide down his face]'' I can only beg your [[forgiveness]] and pray you hear me somehow, someplace. Someplace... where a warm hand waits for mine. ===''The Cat And The Claw Part 1'' [1.15]=== :'''Stern''': Now if you'll excuse me, I've given you all the time I can spare. :'''Selina Kyle''': You'll find more time for me, Mr. Stern. Before I'm through, I'll have every environmental group and animal rights activist breathing down your neck. They'll be looking at you and your project so closely, you'll feel like a bug in a bell-jar. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You're late. :'''Mob Boss''': Can't you walk up to someone normal-like? :'''Batman''': I hear you have some information. :'''Mob Boss''': Under one condition: Lay off the South Side. :'''Batman''': Keep this up, and I'll be on you from all sides. North, south, east, and west. ===''The Cat And The Claw Part 2'' [1.16]=== :'''Batman''': Red Claw? A woman? :'''[[W:Red_Claw|Red Claw]]''': Do you have a problem with that, Batman? :'''Batman''': Not at all. I'm an equal opportunity crime fighter! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I didn't want you taken away like a common criminal. :'''Catwoman''': So you do care. :'''Batman''': ''[handcuffing her]'' More than you'll ever know. ===''See No Evil'' [1.17]=== :'''Lloyd Ventrix''': See you 'round, Batman! Too bad you can't say the same! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Ventrix, the suit! It's poison! :'''Ventrix''': So what if it is?! I don't care! As long as I have it, I can take my daughter back whenever I want! Her mother won't stop me, AND NEITHER WILL YOU! ===''Beware The Gray Ghost'' [1.18]=== :''[At a video shop, Bruce Wayne asks for Gray Ghost films]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': I'd like the ''Gray Ghost''. :'''Store Clerk''': ''[smirks and walks away]'' Hmm. Name something else. :'''Wayne''': You said you had everything. :'''Store Clerk''': Except the ''Gray Ghost''! Nobody has it! The studio that made the show, Spectra? It burned down 20 years ago. The negatives all went up like kindling, real shame. :'''Wayne''': So the ''Gray Ghost'' doesn't exist? :'''Clerk''': Not anymore. Sorry, pal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Simon Trent''': ''[Hands Batman a film reel with the key the mystery]'' Here's your answer, take it and go! :'''Batman''': I used to admire what the Gray Ghost stood for... :'''Simon Trent''': I'm not the Gray Ghost! :'''Batman''': ''[coldly]'' I can see that now. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the launch of the Gray Ghost videos]'' :'''Bruce''': Could you make this out to 'Bruce'? :'''Gray Ghost''': ''[signing autograph]'' Here you are, Bruce. :'''Bruce''': Thanks. As a kid, I used to watch you with my father. The Gray Ghost was my hero. :'''Gray Ghost''': ''[realizing]'' Really... :'''Bruce''': ''[smiling]'' And he still is. ===''Prophecy Of Doom'' [1.19]=== :'''Nostromos''': I predict... you and I are about to become rich as pigs! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lucas''': No one could've predicted Batman would spot me. Not even the great Nostromos. Besides, how do you know Wayne survived? :'''Nostromos''': The news said he got off the elevator right before it fell, you pathetic amateur! :'''Lucas''': Well, you didn't predict he would ''die'', exactly... ===''Feat Of Clay Part 1'' [1.20]=== :''[About Matt Hagen's repeated use of "Renuyu" to restore his disfigured face]'' :'''Teddy Lupus''': You can't go on like this, Matt. You hurt all the time now. :'''[[w:Clayface|Matt Hagen]]''': ''[irritated]'' You're just my stand-in, Lupus. Nobody promoted you to nursemaid! :'''Lupus''': That stuff makes your face like putty, Matt; it can't be good for ya. :'''Hagen''': It probably ain't good for me. But unless I only want to do ''horror'' pictures, it ain't bad for me either. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Listen up, scumwad, 'cause I'm only gonna ask you once. Who was Lucius Fox meeting at the tram? :'''Raymond Bell''': Wayne... Bruce Wayne! :'''Batman''': You lying sleaze! You wanna rethink that answer? ===''Feat Of Clay Part 2'' [1.21]=== :'''Clayface''': ''[testing his new shapeshifting powers]'' The formula must have soaked every cell in my body. :'''Teddy Lupus''': It's.... It's some kind of miracle! ''[sees Matt change back into Clayface]'' Wha... What are you doing? :'''Clayface''': No. No! You broke my concentration! It won't work, don't you see?! It's too hard! It's like tensing a muscle - I can't keep it up for long! MY CAREER, MY ''LIFE'' - IT ''IS'' GONE! AND I CAN NEVER GET IT BACK! ''[In his rage, Clayface destroys several things in the trailer]'' I'm not an actor anymore! I'm not even... a ''man''! ''[Sobs softly]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Clayface''': Not even the Batman could stop me, Teddy. And that means ''Daggett'' won't have a prayer. :'''Teddy''': Matt, please, you don't wanna do anything crazy. Why don't you try to get some shuteye? :'''Clayface''': ''[growls]'' DON'T YOU DARE PATRONIZE ME!!! I told you I don't need rest! I don't need food! AND I DON'T NEED YOU!!!! ''[grabs Teddy and throws him to a bookcase then walks out the door]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Roland Daggett is at a talk show talking about Renuyu facial cream and the host entertains audience questions]'' :'''Woman''': I'd like to ask Mr. Daggett about the rumors I've heard. I hear he's selling Renuyu through direct marketing because stores won't carry it due to its harmful side effects. :'''[[w:Roland Daggett|Roland Daggett]]''': Well that's, uh, absolutely untrue- :'''Woman''': ''[stands up and approaches him]'' What about the addictive properties of Renuyu, Mr. Daggett? Once you're hooked, you can't stop using it without horrible...''pain''! :'''Daggett''': No! I mean... That's just not so! :'''Woman''': Why don't you show them what an ''overdose'' can do, Daggett?! Why don't you tell them ''[voices goes deeper]'' about ME?! ''[transforms into Clayface]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Batman tricks Clayface into confronting him in a recording room, where he turns multiple screens showing headshots of Clayface's past roles]'' :'''Clayface''': What are you doing?! Stop it! :'''Batman''': Look at them, Hagan. Look at what you used to be. :'''Clayface''': No, no! Turn them off! :'''Batman''': You can play those roles again, Hagan. Let me help you find a cure. :'''Clayface''': ''[begins to shapeshift into his past roles]'' No! Hagan's gone! Make him stop haunting me! ''[begins to uncontrollably shapeshift into his past roles]'' Stop it! Turn them off! I can't control it! I can't be all of them! Not all at once! :''[Batman tries to turn on some more screens, but Clayface knocks him out of the way and smashes the control panels; Clayface yanks off one of the screens and throws it at Batman, who dodges; the screen hits the big screen, causing an explosion; the police arrive to see Clayface in his shapeshifting seizure as he shifts his face into Bruce Wayne]'' :'''Officer''': Mother of mercy! It looks just like Bruce Wayne! :''[Clayface punches through two screens, electrocuting him and reverting back into his true form and he topples over; Batman walks up to Clayface]'' :'''Clayface''': ''[morphs into Matt Hagan]'' You know what I'd have given for a death scene like this? ''[morphs into his scarred form]'' Too bad I won't get to... read the notices. ''[faints and reverts back to his true form.]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Lucius Fox''': I'm just glad to know it wasn't really Bruce Wayne who attacked me. :'''Summer Gleeson''': Thank you, Mr. Fox. All charges against Wayne have, of course, been dropped. And Roland Daggett remains in custody. :''[as Alfred turns off the TV, Batman is experimenting with a piece of Clayface's clay]'' :'''Alfred''': My word, sir. I should think after all this, it would time to rest. :'''Batman''': Look. A piece of clay left behind when they took Hagan's body away. Watch. ''[zaps the clay with electricity, causing it to morph into multiple shapes]'' :'''Alfred''': Electricity has no effect on it? :'''Batman''': Exactly. ''[scene changes to a morgue where a doctor uncovers Clayface's body; voice-over]'' I wouldn't be surprised if the body they took to the morgue was only a shell ''[Clayface's body cracks and crumbles into little pieces]'' Don't forget, first and foremost, Hagan was an actor. ''[scene changes to Teddy outside the hospital]'' He said it himself, Alfred. He called it a scene. Maybe the greatest scene in his career. :'''Teddy''': ''[sadly]'' See you 'round, Matt. ''[walks away]'' :'''Batman''': A death scene so real... it fooled us all. :''[a woman laughs maniacally as her voice grows deeper and her eyes turn yellow, revealing her to be a disguised Clayface]'' ===''Joker's Favor'' [1.22]=== :'''[[w:Joker (comics)|Joker]]''': ''[tosses two pennies on the ground]'' There's your two cents. Now, what are you going to do to me? :'''Charlie''': Listen.... I... O'm sorry, really! I.... I had a bad day. Boss turned down my raise, and... :'''Joker''': Now look, my rude friend! We can't have people cursing at each other on the freeway. It's simply ''not polite''! ''[jumps down and grabs him]'' I'm just going to have to teach you some manners. ''[reaches into his coat]'' :'''Charlie''': Please don't! I have a family, a wife, a little boy! Please! I'll do anything to make it up! Anything! :'''Joker''': Anything, says you? ''[Charlie nods; Joker releases him]'' Okee-dokee! Wallet. :'''Charlie''': Uh, okay. I don't have much cash. :'''Joker''': Oh, please! Don't insult me! ''[takes out driver's license]'' Charles Michael Collins. That's you! Tsk tsk, lousy picture, though. Lousy! Address, height, weight, blah blah blah. ''[tosses the wallet back and keeps the license]'' Righty-o, Chuckers! Here's the deal. I'll let you off if you promise to do a little favor for me. :'''Charlie''': Okay. What? :'''Joker''': ''I DON'T KNOW! I HAVEN'T THOUGHT OF IT YET!'' You just toddle on back to your mundane, meaningless little life, and when I need you, I'll call. Fair? Good? Great! I'll be in touch. ''[walks away, laughing maniacally]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Charlie''': Hello? :'''Joker''': Hello, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': Wrong number, pal. My name is Don. :'''Joker''': Oh, no, no, no. This IS the right number, Charles Michael Collins. Oh, I don't know why you changed your name to Don Wallace and moved your family to 12 Marigold Lane, Springdale, Ohio. One might think you were trying to skip out on our little deal. ''[to Harley Quinn]'' Leave the sideburns. :'''Charlie''': Uh... how did you find me? :'''Joker''': Oh, I never lost you, Chaz. You've become my... HOBBY!! ''[laughs maniacally]'' Now, listen up, Charlie Brown. You're booked on the next flight to Gotham. Tell the family you have to visit a sick friend. Oh, and let's keep this to ourselves, 'kay? Bad things happen to people who gossip, capisce, Carlo? ''[Charlie looks out the window to see Joker's henchmen pull up to his house]'' :'''Charlie''': Yeah... :'''Joker''': Good! See ya! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': You miserable little ''nobody!'' If I get caught, your wife and son are history! :'''Charlie''': You're not getting caught. Not this time. I found this blown out of the van. :''[He pulls one of the Joker's bombs from his jacket, and the Joker looks shocked and afraid]'' :'''Charlie''': This is how it ends, Joker. No big schemes, no grand fight to the finish with the Dark Knight. Tomorrow, all the papers will say is that the great Joker was found blown to bits in an alley, alongside a "miserable little nobody"! ''[chuckles]'' Kinda funny. Ironic, really. See? I can destroy a man's dreams too! And that's really the only dream you've got, isn't it?! :'''Joker''': ''[still scared]'' Look, Charlie, you've had a busy day! All this running around, all this excitement with... ''[yelling out desperately]'' '''''BATMAN!''''' Stop! You... you're crazy! :'''Charlie''': I had a good teacher! ''[chuckles]'' Say goodnight, Gracie! :'''Joker''': ''[terrified, trying to crawl away]'' NO! '''BATMAN! ''BATMAN!''''' ''[sees Batman in the shadows, and gasps with relief and annoyance]'' How long have you been there?! :'''Batman''': Long enough. Put it down, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': You know he'll just escape again! This is the only way my family stays safe! :'''Joker''': All right, you win! Take it easy! ''[surrenders his notebook to Batman]'' Here's everything on his blasted family - names, addresses, it's all there! You're no fun anymore, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': Hey, Joker! ''[throws the bomb at the Joker, who cowers behind Batman - only for the "bomb" to release harmless confetti]'' Gotcha! :''[Batman lets out a short laugh]'' :'''Joker''': ''[dryly]'' Oh, very funny. A million laughs. :'''Batman''': Go home, Mr. Collins. :'''Charlie''': Home. I never thought that could sound so good. I wonder what Bonnie's making for dinner. Right now, anything would taste great. Even meatloaf. ===''Vendetta'' [1.23]=== :'''Batman''': Here's how it works, slimeball. I have questions, and if you have answers, I'll leave you alone. :'''Rupert Thorne''': Oh, I have plenty of answers... thirty-eight caliber answers. Now then, you were saying? :'''Batman''': ''[Using Thorne as a shield]'' I was saying, you'd better hope your men are ''very'' good shots. It's too hot in here. Let's get some air. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Killer Croc''': Terrific. Just what I need now. The freak job in the cape. :'''Batman''': You're no prize yourself. :'''Killer Croc''': ''[strangling Batman]'' What can I tell you now? Being a reptile man ain't pretty... but it's got its upside. Like having the strength of a crocodile, for instance! But I guess you've learned that by now, huh? ''[forcing Batman into the water]'' The hard way. You know, they used to call "Killer Croc" the meanest dude in the Wrestling Federation. Now they'll call him the guy who iced the Batman! :'''Batman''': ''[flip-kicks Killer Croc really hard and gets out of the water]'' Don't hold your breath. ===''Fear Of Victory'' [1.24]=== :'''Mr. Lucky''': Lost? You have that bewildered look, but your sort always does. :'''Thug''': ''[grabs him threateningly]'' I ain't lost. I'm lookin' for you! I wanna know how come you always win, Mr. Lucky. :'''Mr. Lucky''': It's quite simple, actually. I fix the games. :'''Thug''': You can't fix ''all'' those sports. Nobody can! :'''Mr. Lucky''': Oh, ye of little brain, allow me to illustrate. ''[hands the thug an envelope laced in fear toxin]'' Here. You can read, can't you? :'''Thug''': ''[reads it]'' "Boo!" Hey, is this some kinda joke? :'''Mr. Lucky''': It's no joke, I assure you. It's the fear of victory, and the agony of... ''[the thug pulls Mr. Lucky out of the shadows, revealing his true identity]'' '''the Scarecrow!''' :''[The thug gasps in fear, now a victim of his toxin]'' :'''Scarecrow''': So now you understand Step One in how I fix an athletic contest. ''[Scarecrow comes closer to the thug, causing him to fall into some stacks of hay]'' I shall proceed to Step Two! ''[chuckles evilly]'' :'''Thug''': No! NO! GET AWAY! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': There's enough powder in that helmet to panic a pachyderm! He should be postering himself, crying for mercy! :'''Batman''': Change of luck, Scarecrow? :'''Scarecrow''': YOU! :'''Batman''': You're aware that gambling is illegal in Gotham? :'''Scarecrow''': I need the money, Batman! You know the cost of chemicals these days. And it will take much more than this to bring every pathetic person in Gotham to their knees, kissing my feet! ''[reveals a vial of his fear chemical and dangles it above the crowd]'' No closer, Batman! Unless you want a stampede of half-crazed humanity crushing and clawing each other! Now... what guarantee do I have you won't follow me? :'''Batman''': You have my word, Scarecrow. Just don't drop the vial. :'''Scarecrow''': Actually, Batman, I'd prefer a little insurance that you'll be otherwise occupied! ''[drops it]'' ===''The Clock King'' [1.25]=== :'''Fugate''': (after judgment has been passed) No! You can't! I'll be ruined! :'''Judge''': Then perhaps this will teach you to be on time for a change. :'''Batman''': What kind of a saboteur uses a six-thousand dollar Metronex to set a time bomb? :'''Alfred''': A saboteur with too much money? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman:''' Hold it! :'''Fugate:''' Well, well. The Batman. It's about time you showed up! I suppose you want to know why I've brought Downtown Gotham to a standstill, Batman. Hm? Well, let's just say it's because I'm a civic minded citizen with a lot of time on his hands. :'''Batman''': I want some answers, wise guy. Talk! :'''Fugate''': A pity. I don't know what to tell you, Batman - except perhaps that the 9:15 is always six minutes early. :''(He falls off the building and lands safely on the roof of an oncoming train as it speeds away)'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mayor Hill is tied to the hands of a huge clock]'' :'''Clock King''': Comfortable, Hill? Well you won't be for long! At 3:15 on the dot, those hands will come together and you'll be crushed like an insect. 3:15, Hill. Does that time hold any meaning for you? :'''Mayor Hill''': I don't know what you're talking about! :'''Clock King''': You told me to take my coffee break at 3:15. :'''Mayor Hill''': What?! :'''Clock King''': You don't remember?! My ''court date!'' :'''Mayor Hill''': ''[finally realizing]'' Oh my Lord! The lawsuit! Fugate! I swear I was only trying to help! :'''Clock King''': Don't hand me that! You did it on purpose! The plaintiffs were represented by your law firm, Mr. Mayor! :'''Mayor Hill''': But I had nothing to do with that case, Fugate! :'''Clock King''': Not that it matters anymore. Now that you have an appointment to keep, at 3:15 precisely—with the '''Grim Reaper!''' ''[begins laughing maniacally]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I'm here to clean your clock, Fugate. :'''Fugate''': Don't count on it, Batman. When it comes to clocks, ''I'' am king. ''En garde''! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Stop this, Fugate! Hill committed no crime against you! :'''Temple Fugate''': He did worse than that! He made me late! :'''Batman''': Fugate! You can't escape! :'''Clock King''': Au contraire, Batman. You of all people should know, there's always a way out! :''(Fugate begins laughing maniacally as a huge clock wheel falls on him, sending him to his apparent death)'' ===''Appointment In Crime Alley'' [1.26]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': Roland Daggett's up to something, Alfred. :'''Alfred''': That almost goes without saying, doesn't it, sir? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Leslie Thompkins''': This used to be a beautiful street. Good people lived here once. :'''Batman''': ''[placing two roses on the ground]'' Good people still live in Crime Alley. ===''Mad As A Hatter'' [1.27]=== :'''Jervis Tetch''': ''[Discussing the subject of Alice to his lab rats.]'' Of course, intellectually I know it's wrong. After all, she has a boyfriend. Better to withdraw like a gentleman- forget her, turn my heart to other pursuits. ''[Brief pause]'' NEVER! After all, I've created a chip strong enough to control a human brain! It would be so easy to make her forget her boorish beau and love ME! But...that would reduce her to a soulless shell. No...not my Alice. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman has cornered Jervis Tetch, who just subdued Alice with her mindcontrol card and is at a dinner table with him]'' :'''Jervis Tetch/Mad Hatter''': I'll cut that cowl off your neck before you'll take her! I've waited my whole lonely life for her! :'''Batman''': Then all you've waited for is a puppet. A soulless little doll. :'''Mad Hatter''': It didn't have to be this way! You made me do this to her! ===''Dreams In Darkness'' [1.28]=== :'''Batman''': "There's always time to heal", the doctor told me, but he was wrong. There was no time left. Not for me, not for him, and not for Gotham City. And as long as I remained trapped in Arkham, there was nothing I could do, except wait for the end and remember the beginning. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': An entire city, screaming in fear... I wonder if we'll be able to hear it... ===''Eternal Youth'' [1.29]=== :'''Mrs. Thomas''': You wicked, evil- :'''Poison Ivy''': Evil, Mrs. Thomas? I don't control a company that leveled a thousand-year-old forest for a strip mine! THAT'S evil! ''[sprays a gas which causes Mrs. Thomas to become petrified; steals a pair of earrings]'' You and your kind owe Mother Nature a big debt, and I am here to make sure you pay up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': Right now, the bark is merely exoskeletal. It will take months of additional spraying before the transformations become irreversible. But, of course, I have the patience of a redwood. :'''Batman''': ''[snarling]'' And the convictions of a fanatic! :'''Poison Ivy''': Well, if you're not going to be part of the solution, you're obviously part of the problem. Ladies? :''[Ivy's henchwomen begin to spray Batman with the growth formula]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': This spray is triple-strength, Batman! It will start the transformation without any preliminaries! ''[Nothing seems to happen to Batman as he unties his hands]'' He should be sprouting leaves by now! :'''Batman''': ''[Unties his hands and stands up, blocking the spray with his cape as he advances]'' You made your secret too accessible, Ivy! I coated my outfit with a herbicidal antidote! :'''Poison Ivy''': Keep spraying! ''[Violet and Lily back away, still spraying, but Batman subdues them both]'' ===''Perchance To Dream'' [1.30]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[Looking down off the ledge, preparing to jump]'' You're wrong! There IS a way out! :'''Mad Hatter''': Now, now wait just a minute! You don't want to do anything foolish! This isn't an ordinary dream! What if you're wrong?! :'''Bruce Wayne''': '''THEN I'LL SEE YOU IN YOUR ''NIGHTMARES''!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': '''''WHY?''''' Why did you do it?! :'''Mad Hatter''': You, of all people, have the GALL to ask me that? You RUINED MY LIFE! I was willing to give you WHATEVER life you wanted, JUST TO KEEP YOU OUT OF ''MINE!'' <hr width="75%"/> ===''The Cape & Cowl Conspiracy'' [1.31]=== :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Look up "slippery" in the dictionary and you get Josiah Wormwood. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[About the [[w:Bat-Signal|Bat-Signal]]]'' Got a new toy, I see. :'''Gordon''': I figured it might come in handy. ===''[[w:Robin's Reckoning|Robin's Reckoning Part 1]]'' [1.32]=== :''[Robin and Batman are doing a stakeout]'' :'''Robin''': If I knew it was going to take THIS long, I would've brought my homework. You sure about this extortion ring? :'''Batman''': ''[Looking at the construction site through binoculars]'' Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': It's been four hours. :'''Batman''': Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': You still think they'll show? :'''Batman''': Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': Lucky for me, you're such a good conversationalist. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': If you protect him, Stromwell, I'll be very... GRUMPY. [[The Incredible Hulk|You don't want to see me when I'm grumpy]]. ===''[[w:Robin's Reckoning|Robin's Reckoning Part 2]]'' [1.33]=== :'''[[w:Tony Zucco|Tony Zucco]]''': I'm not back in town five minutes - FIVE MINUTES - and he's on my tail. You don't know the Bat. He don't let up! He's the dark angel of death, man, and he wants ME! :'''Mick''': ... Why you, boss? :'''Zucco''': HOW SHOULD I KNOW?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Robin is about to throw Tony Zucco off the pier]'' :'''Tony Zucco''': No, don't! Please... :'''Batman''': Robin! Enough. ''[limps towards him]'' You can't let your emotions get the best of you. :'''Robin''': Stuff your advice, Batman! You and your stone-cold heart! You don't know how I feel. HOW COULD YOU?!? ''[Batman looks at him, and Robin realizes what he said]'' Batman, I didn't mean to... I'm sorry. ''[after he sees the police coming, Robin seemingly readies to throw Zucco off the pier but simply throws him to the ground. The cops arrive and arrest Zucco.]'' You were right, you know, not bringing me along. You knew I'd take it too personally. :'''Batman''': It wasn't that, Robin. It wasn't that at all. Zucco's taken so much, caused you so much pain. I couldn't stand the thought that he might... take you, too. :'''Robin''': ''[putting a hand on Batman's shoulder]'' Come on, partner. It's been a long night. ===''The Laughing Fish'' [1.34]=== :'''Alfred''': ''[seeing Batman with a Joker Fish]'' Dining in tonight, sir? :'''Batman''': ''[sighs]'' The dissection tray, please, Alfred... :'''Alfred''': Any idea what our happy friend is up to now? :'''Batman''': Normal criminals usually have logical motives, but the Joker's insane schemes make sense to him alone. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': Ah-ah-ah-ahem! Look alive, wage slaves. Presenting that caliph of clowns, that mogul of mountebanks, the one and only Joker! :''[The Joker enters, laughing maniacally]'' :'''Francis''': Great Scott! :'''Joker''': Actually, I'm Irish. Good morning, Mister, err, ''[looks at his desk's name plate]'' Francis! Please allow me to introduce my associates. Miss Quinn. :'''Harley Quinn''': ''Enchante''! :'''Joker''': And Messrs, uh... oh, their names escape me for the moment. No matter! We gentlemen of business have arrangements to discuss. :'''Francis''': A... Arrangements? :'''Joker''': ''[drops a Joker Fish onto his desk]'' For my fish, of course! This has all been worked out far in advance, Francis. You are merely the last tiny cog in my grand design! So don't speak to me again, 'kay? Now, what is everyone in town talking about? :'''Francis''': Err... your fish? :'''Joker''': ''[smacks him with the fish]'' I TOLD YOU NOT TO SPEAK! :'''Harley''': ''[sniffs Francis]'' Ooh, fish stink-a-roony! ''[sprays him with a substance from a perfume bottle, making him cough]'' All better! :'''Joker''': As I was saying, since every fish in Gotham now bares my famous and frankly ''fabulous'' face, I should be getting a profit from every fish product sold. ''[one of his thugs pours out a pile of products]'' Let's say a nickel per fish sandwich, fifty cents for sardines - millions of dollars a day to finance my happily hedonistic lifestyle! So which of your tedious copyright forms do I fill out first? You may speak now. :'''Francis''': No one can copyright fish. They're a natural resource. :'''Joker''': But they share my unique face! [[w:Colonel Sanders|Colonel What's-His-Name]] has chickens, and they don't even have moustaches! :'''Francis''': I can't help it, it's the law! :'''Joker''': Oh! Trying to cheat the Joker, are ya?! Well, we'll see who has the last laugh. You have until midnight to change your mind, Francis, or you'll be the poorest fish of all! ''[leaves, laughing madly, with his thugs following]'' :'''Harley''': ''[blows Francis a kiss as she follows]'' Buh-bye! :'''Francis''': He's crazy...! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Francis''': Err, Batman? Why is this happening to me? I've never done anything to this Joker. I'm just a paper-pusher, I can't change the laws. I'm harmless! :'''Batman''': And in his sick mind, that's the joke, Mr. Francis. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Feeling all right? :'''Francis''': ''[scratching himself]'' Oh, sure. It's just that everything's been so crazy today. I haven't even had time to rinse off that gunk the Joker's girl squirted on me... :'''Batman''': ''[to Gordon]'' GET THIS MAN TO A HOSPITAL! ''NOW!'' :'''Francis''': What?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': You're right, Harley. Fish ''are'' disgusting. I think I'll start using my toxin on cattle. Joker Burgers! Ha! Talk about a [[w:McDonald's|Happy Meal!]] <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': ''[after hitting Batman with a big wrench]'' Meanwhile, back at the "wrench"...! Since my sidesplitters don't tickle you, how 'bout a ''skull''-splitter?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After the Joker is seemingly eaten by the shark]'' :'''Harley''': ''[sniffing sadly]'' Oh, my poor, poor puddin'... :'''Bullock''': Come on, he was a demented, abusive, psychotic maniac. :'''Harley''': Yeah... I'm really gonna miss him! ''[sobs into her handkerchief]'' :'''Gordon''': Do you think he's gone for good? :'''Batman''': Believe me, Jim, I wish it were true. But deep inside, I doubt it. ===''Night Of The Ninja'' [1.35]=== :'''[[w:Kyodai Ken|Kyodai Ken]]''': ''[Throwing Bruce]'' Don't be depressed, Wayne-san. You're not bad for a rich man's pampered son. :'''Sensei''': ''[Leaps across room and throws Kyodai]'' There's always someone better, Kyodai. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': His name is Kyodai Ken. He was good. :'''Robin''': Yeah? How good? :'''Batman''': ''[Quickly]'' Good. :'''Robin''': I see. <hr width="80%"/> ===''Cat Scratch Fever'' [1.36]=== :'''Selina Kyle''': Don't tell me you're my very own private probation officer. How often would you like me to check in? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': "Viral Antitoxins". For a plague that doesn't exist, yet, but if the plague is introduced via stray dogs and cats, it will blanket Gotham City within weeks! :'''Roland Daggett''': Days, actually. You know how many strays there are in Gotham, Batman? Three hundred thousand! Imagine if even a tenth of them carried the virus. Not only will this little bottle make me a hero, it'll make me a fortune as well. ===''The Strange Secret Of Bruce Wayne'' [1.37]=== :''[Joker, Two-Face, and Penguin are bidding over Batman's secret identity]'' :'''Two-Face''': $500,000 :'''Penguin''': Poof. Chicken feed. I'll bet a million! :'''Two-Face''': ''TWO'' Million! :'''Strange''': I have two million. Do I hear three? :'''Joker''': Hold it, hold it, HOLD IT! :'''Two-Face''': Get outta my face, clown! :'''Joker''': Which one? :''[An angered Two-Face is about to attack Joker, but Penguin intervenes]'' :'''Penguin''': Gentlemen, it behooves us not to fight amongst ourselves. :'''Joker''': Well put, sardine breath! I think we should ''pool'' our resources on this. $51,240,685! ''[gets out a little coin purse, and pours out some coins]'' And uh, 53 cents. :'''Strange''': Sold! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Strange''': Joker, please! I was set up! Bruce Wayne is Batman! :'''Two-Face''': That's absurd! I know Bruce Wayne. If he's Batman, I'm the King of England! :'''Joker''': And people say I'M crazy! ===''Heart Of Steel Part 1'' [1.38]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': And who's your little friend? :''[Barbara takes a teddy bear out of her purse]'' :'''Barbara Gordon''': Oh, this is Wubby. I've had him forever. Dad won't pick me up at the airport without bringing him along. :'''Commissioner Gordon''': ''[blushing]'' Well... he knows the way better than I do. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': ''[After learning about the AI project]'' Sounds as if the human race could become quite expendable, except for butlers, of course. :'''Batman''': Of course. ===''Heart Of Steel Part 2'' [1.39]=== :'''Randa''': You have immobilized the maker. :'''[[w:HARDAC|HARDAC]]''': His human imperfection endangers the plan. He must be improved upon. <hr width="50%"/> :'''HARDAC''': The maker's concept was sound, but he did not go far enough - which is why I have taken over. ===''If You're So Smart, Why Aren't You Rich?'' [1.40]=== :'''[[w:Riddler|Edward Nygma]]''': ''[Being cheated out of the sales of his game]'' You are a fool, Mockridge, to think you can get away with this! Your amoral greed is no match for an intellect like mine! :'''Mockridge''': Oh, yeah? Then tell me something, Eddie: if you're so smart, why aren't you ''rich?'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman reprograms the Hand of Fate, and uses it to carry himself and Robin to the centre of the maze]'' :'''Riddler''': That is grand-scale CHEATING, Batman! You're not allowed to tamper with the Hand of Fate! :'''Batman''': I don't believe in fate! :'''Riddler''': You probably don't believe in Minotaurs either, but you'll still have to answer the Riddle. :'''Minotaur Robot''': ''I have billions of eyes, yet I live in darkness. I have millions of ears, yet only four lobes. I have no muscles, yet I move two hemispheres. What am I?'' :'''Batman''': ''[pauses in thought]'' That's simple: the human brain. ''[The Minotaur backs away]'' It has billions of optic and auditory nerves, four lobes and two hemispheres, and it's the only thing Edward Nygma respects. :'''Riddler''': A lucky guess, that's all! But it won't save you, Batman! ''[to the Minotaur]'' DESTROY THEM! ===''Joker's Wild'' [1.41]=== :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[as Joker changes the channel in the TV]'' Hey, I was watching that! :'''Joker''': And now you're watching this! :'''Poison Ivy''': Change it back! :'''Joker''': Nope, nope, nope, nope, don't want to. :'''Poison Ivy''': Guard! :'''Security Guard''': What's the problem? :'''Joker''': Don't look now, Sonny Jim, but the plant lady's gone whackers again. :'''Poison Ivy''': He started it! I was just sitting here! :'''Joker''': That's right, you're always blaming me. And the children wonder why we fight! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...the Joker's Wild! :''[Cameron Kaiser cuts the ribbon and unveils a casino with a gigantic Joker head. He is seen spoken to by Summer Gleeson]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': Ugh, that is disgusting! :'''Cameraman''': Psst, Summer! We're on the air! :'''Summer Gleeson''': ''[mortified]'' Oh! Uh... there you have it! Let's get a reaction from the guests. Mr. Wayne? :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[equally nauseated]'' No comment. :'''Summer Gleeson''': Mr. Kaiser, why build a casino seemingly in honor of one of history's most notorious outlaws? :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Summer, please! Wild Joker is a classic symbol, long associated with cards and games. I can't help it if there's a some passing resemblance to some criminal fruitcake. :''[An enraged Joker smashes the television]'' :'''Joker''': How dare that smug, preening fool try to cash in on ''MY'' image! :'''Poison Ivy''': Now who should lighten up? :'''Joker''': Don't get cute with me, Red. He's ripping me off! I'll protest! Yeah! I'll sue! Then I'll rip his lungs out! And I will, too! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': It was a scheme worthy of ''me'', Kaiser, the way you got me riled up and turned me loose on this place! :'''Cameron Kaiser''': You...! You were supposed to destroy the casino! :'''Joker''': Yeah, but then I realized it'd be more fun to get rid of you and run the show myself! :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Bu-But you can't...! :'''Joker''': Oh please, Mr. Kaiser! You of all people should have realized there'd be a Joker in the deck! ''[laughs]'' ===''Tyger Tyger'' [1.42]=== :'''Dorian''': I want to test Tygrus' reflexes and feral strength, and who better to pit him against than you? I'll give you a generous head start before I release Tygrus. If you defeat him, I shall relinquish this, the antigen to reverse Catwoman's mutation. :'''Batman''': How do I know you'll keep your word? :'''Dorian''': You don't. The clock is ticking, Batman. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': So you ''can'' talk. :'''Tygrus''': My father taught me. :'''Batman''': Your father was a test tube. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': Batman! The antidote! I'll be stuck like this forever! :'''Tygrus''': Would that be so bad? You could stay here, with me. :'''Catwoman''': Oh, Tygrus... I can't live like this, I have to be human again. :'''Tygrus''': ''[sadly, taking her hands in his]'' Goodbye, Selina. :''[As he leaves, Catwoman sees that he has given here the serum. She looks overjoyed, then calls out to him]'' :'''Catwoman''': Wait - won't you come with us? There's nothing for you here. :'''Tygrus''': There's nothing for me anywhere. ''[disappears into the falling rain]'' :'''Batman''': ''[in voiceover]'' "[[w:The Tyger|Tyger Tyger burning bright, in the forests of the night: what immortal hand or eye, dare frame thy fearful symmetry?]]" ===''Moon Of The Wolf'' [1.43]=== :'''Professor Milo''': What you're suffering from is an early stage of lycanthropy, more commonly known as werewolfism; for that I have no treatment. However, advanced werewolfism can be cured. :'''Anthony Romulus''': ''[after a wolf howls, Anthony starts transforming]'' Ohhh, you fool! There's no telling what the werewolf might do! :'''Professor Milo''': Hey, ask me if I care. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Do me a favour, shaggy: stay down! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bullock''': No trace of Wolfie! We checked the shoreline for miles! But in four weeks, there's another full moon. Then we'll know for sure. ===''Day Of The Samurai'' [1.44]=== :''[Batman swoops away after rescuing his Sensei's student, Kairi]'' :'''Kairi''': ''[In Japanese]'' Spirit of the bat... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yoru''': If you see Batman, tell him I have great respect for him. :'''Bruce''': Why? He's as much a ninja as Kyodai was. :'''Yoru''': Not so. Batman offered to help his adversary, and a lesser man would have used the secrets of the Onemuri touch against his opponent. Batman is the essence of samurai, Wayne-san. You would do well to remember that. :'''Bruce''': ''[bows]'' Domo arigato, sensei. ===''Terror In The Sky'' [1.45]=== :'''Batman''': Reports of a huge bat creature the size of a man. Remind you of anybody? :'''Alfred''': Present company excluded? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You couldn't leave it alone, could you, March? You've recreated the mutagen. :'''March''': ''[aiming a tranquilizer rifle at him]'' Recreated it? I've ''refined'' it! At night, on my own, so the others wouldn't know. I still believe only a creature like a Man-Bat can survive the next evolutionary cataclysm - and it will! My new serum could be even more powerful than Kirk's! :'''Batman''': ''[after disarming March]'' "''Could'' be"? What do you mean? :'''March''': I needed to test it, but before I had the chance-- :'''Batman''': ''[clearly surprised]'' You mean you ''haven't'' taken it? :'''March''': Of course not! The experimental batch was destroyed. I'll have to-- :'''Batman''': Destroyed? How? :'''March''': I'd been working through the night. I was just completing the final combination. ''[remembers incident at his lab as he drops the beaker of mutagen upon Francine's surprise entry]'' Francine burst in. I was startled. You have to understand I was very tired, I accidentally dropped the beaker. The whole night's work, ruined! Francine never guessed what I was doing, she even helped me clean up the mess. All that... glass! ''[recalls Francine licking her finger after it is pricked by a small shard of glass]'' Oh... oh, my lord... Francine! The mutagen - it's in ''her'' bloodstream now! ''[breaks down at his folly as Batman loads a tranquilizer into a pistol of his and then gives March the formula paperwork]'' :'''Batman''': Is ''that'' what it's going to take? Your daughter's life, before you end this insanity? :''[Later that night, March burns the files]'' ===''Almost Got 'Im'' [1.46]=== :'''Joker''': I want a nice clean game, gentlemen. :'''Penguin''': That'll be a first. So, I hear 'you-know-who' nailed the Mad Hatter last week. :'''Joker''': No kidding. He sure gets around for one guy. :'''Two-Face''': Yeah, well that's where you're wrong. I don't think it IS one guy. :'''[[w:Killer Croc|Killer Croc]]''': Huh? :'''Two-Face''': The way I figure it, Gordon's got a bunch of 'em stashed someplace like a SWAT team. He wants you to think it's one guy, but- :'''Joker''': Meh. You're always seeing double. :'''Penguin''': It's obvious our caped friend suffered some crime-related trauma when he was younger. Perhaps an over-anxious mugger blew off a piece of his face. :'''Joker''': Sure! He could be all gross and disgusting under that mask! ''[as Two-Face crushes a milk carton]'' Uh, no offense, Harv. :'''Two-Face''': Just deal. :'''Killer Croc''': Well, ya know what ''I'' think? :'''Joker''': Not the robot theory again... :'''Killer Croc''': Well, he COULD be. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Two-Face''': Poison Ivy... :'''Poison Ivy''': It's been a long time Harvey. You're still looking...halfway decent. :'''Two-Face''': Half of me wants to strangle ya. :'''Poison Ivy''': And what's the other part want? :'''Two-Face''': To hit you with a truck! :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[to the others]'' We used to date. :'''Penguin/Joker''': Ah. ===''Birds Of A Feather'' [1.47]=== :'''[[w:Penguin (comics)|Penguin]]''': Say, who's there? Two-Face? Croc? Joker, old shoe? :'''Batman''': None of the above, Penguin. :'''Penguin''': Oh no, not you... :'''Batman''': Get used to it. Wherever you go, I'll be right behind you. :'''Penguin''': Precisely where you belong. But you needn't bother. Haven't you heard? I've reformed. Paid my debt to society, and all that. :'''Batman''': We'll see. I just came to tell you to keep your beak clean. :'''Penguin''': ''[grabs a can of rat poison]'' As long as you're here, won't you stay for a cappuccino? :''[Batman gives him an annoyed look before leaving]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Batman defeats a gang of thugs threatening the Penguin and Veronica]'' :'''Batman''': I knew you couldn't stay clean for more than one day. :'''Veronica''': Let him go! He didn't do anything. It was those brutes! :'''Batman''': ''[genuinely surprised]'' He wasn't with them? :'''Penguin''': That's right, you vulgar vigilante! In my day, I associated with a much higher class of riff-raff! :'''Veronica''': I'm so sorry, Ozzie. :'''Penguin''': As long as you weren't bruised, my peach. ''[kisses her hand]'' :'''Batman''': "Peach"? :'''Penguin''': Why don't you be a good masked man and ride off into the night? This time, ''I'll'' clean up after ''you.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Veronica''': Please, Oswald! If it's money you want, I can get you more! :'''Penguin''': ''SHUT UP!'' All I wanted from ''you'', dearie, was a little friendship. That would have cost you ''nothing.'' But now you'll pay! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Veronica''': Oswald? I really was growing fond of you. It's too bad this had to happen. :'''Penguin''': ''[coldly]'' I suppose it's true what they say: society is to blame. ''High'' society. ===''What Is Reality?'' [1.48]=== :'''Batman''': "Where does a 500 pound gorilla sleep?" "What's worse than a millipede with flat feet?" "How do you stuff five elephants into a compact car?" :'''Alfred''': Anywhere it wants, a giraffe with a sore throat, and two in the front seat, two in the back, and one in the trunk. :'''Batman''': Yeah, yeah. I know, I know. Any schoolboy knows those. But brain teasers are the Riddler's M.O. Not corny old jokes like these. :'''Alfred''': Perhaps the questions are the clues, not the answers. For example, they all seem to involve animals. :'''Batman''': Also numbers. A ''500'' pound gorilla. A millipede, meaning a thousand legs. And five elephants. Now let's convert them to Roman numerals. ''[he does, revealing the letters DMV]'' Look! :'''Alfred''': DMV... :'''Batman and Alfred''': Department of Motor Vehicles! :'''Alfred''': But I recall you mentioning he'd already obliterated his records there, so why return? :'''Batman''': For the hard copy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no tales. :'''Batman''': Another riddle, Nygma? :''[Four quarters and a single penny emerge from the return change chute]'' :'''Riddler''': It all makes sense when you add it up! :''[In the Batmobile]'' :'''Alfred''': Four quarters and a penny, sir? :'''Batman''': Penny... Penny... Cent... Red cent... Copper. It's made of copper. :'''Alfred''': And "copper" is another word for a policeman. :'''Batman''': And "no tails" would be heads. Police head... Quarters! :'''Alfred''': Police Headquarters. Bravo, sir! It does make "cents" when you add it up! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': He can't be online! I searched through every file. :'''Riddler''': You searched the software. Had you bothered to examine the hardware you would have discovered a cordless modem line. :'''Riddler''': A pity you can't earn extra lives in this game.Quite an experience being riddled with questions, isn't it, Batman :'''Robin''': Batman don't open that door Crazy Intent means Loco Motion! Batman finds himself on a chessboard: :'''Riddler''':Only Batman can put the King in check and you have to move according to the rules or its the end of the day :'''Robin''':They call you the dark Knight..so you have to move like a knight (If Batman fails to move as a knight it'll be "KNightfall" (!) :'''Riddler''':Careful, vigilante, you know what they say, "Curiosity killed the Bat". :'''Batman''': Can you solve it? :'''Robin''': Are you kidding? You're looking at the guy who solved the Baxter's Box puzzle in 37 seconds! Course, this time I don't have a sledge hammer... After escaping Riddler Virtual realty Traps, Batman tries to rescue Gordon from Riddler :'''Batman''': You may control this world, Nygma, but I still control myself! :'''Riddler''': The name is "Riddler"! Edward Nygma doesn't exist anymore! You may recall that he was once fired by an ungrateful employer! That was a private matter and was meant to remain one! :'''Batman''': Attempted homicide is never a "private matter", Nygma! :'''Riddler''': No, but it would have been if you hadn't interfered and turned Edward Nygma into a fugitive! So I deleted Nygma. Just as I'm about to delete you, Batman. :'''Batman''':Tell me this.. Riddler how can you spread your conscious thirty-two times..and still have the concentration to keep your world together? YOU CAN'T! Batman saves Gordon :'''Riddler''': No....NO..... I can escape that easy...but if the Planet was equitable...I'd still have my old Job....No...wait...I'M ...not Ready.....AHHHHH' :'''Gordon''': But we'll never find him :'''Batman''': I think he left us a clue..."If the planet were equitable, I'd still have my old job". :'''Robin''': Of course. If the "World's Fair," I'd still have my "Ex-position". Oh, give me a break. [Batman, Robin and Gordon find Riddler mind trapped in his virtual realty world] :'''Batman''': Looks like he didn't escape his virtual reality in time. :'''Robin''': You mean he's been trapped inside his own program? :'''Batman''': Could be and how to get him out may be a riddle no one can solve. ===''I Am The Night'' [1.49]=== :'''Batman''': A weary body can be dealt with. But a weary spirit? That's something else. Sometimes, old friend, I wonder if I'm really doing any good out there. :'''Alfred''': How can you doubt it? The lives you've saved, the criminals you've brought to justice-- :'''Batman''': I've put out a few fires, yes. Won a few battles. But the war goes on, Alfred. On and on... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Leslie Thompkins''': You seem quieter than usual tonight. :'''Batman''': Every year, I come here and wonder if it should be the last time. If I should put the past behind me, try to lead a normal life. :'''Dr. Thompkins''': [[George Santayana|Santayana]] says, "Those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it." :'''Batman''': He also said a fanatic is someone who redoubles his efforts while losing sight of his goal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I chose this life. I use the night - I ''became'' the night. Sooner or later, I'll go down. It might be the Joker, or Two-Face, or just some punk who gets lucky. My decision, no regrets. But I can't let anyone else pay for my mistakes. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': "[[Friedrich Nietzsche|When you look too long into the abyss, the abyss looks back through you.]]" Maybe it's time for Batman to return to the night that spawned him, before anyone else gets hurt! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[grabs Wizard]'' Up to your old tricks, I see. How about returning that suitcase to its owner? :'''Wizard''': Hey, man, I ''am'' the owner. :''[Batman, surprised, lets him go]'' :'''Wizard''': Y'know, I was kinda hoping I'd run into you. I'd been in those places like where you left me before. Heard the rap, wasn't impressed. But this time, it made sense. Maybe I was ready to hear it. So I'm heading back home. I guess I kinda owe it to you, Batman. You probably saved my life. I'll bet you hear this all the time. Look, I'm gonna miss my bus, I'll see you around. And... thanks. :''[Batman smiles as he watches Wizard leave]'' ===''Off Balance'' [1.50]=== :'''[[w:Talia al Ghul|Talia]]''': My contact lenses! I lost them when we fell! They counter the distortion effect. Without them, I'm as helpless as you. :'''Batman''': I don't do helpless. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Ra's al Ghul|Ra's al Ghul]]''': So even in defeat, the detective manages to achieve some small measure of victory. As you said, detective: this is not over. ===''The Man Who Killed Batman'' [1.51]=== :'''Joker''': You know, there's just one thing bothering me about your story, Sid. No body. No BATUS DELECTI so to speak. We need to pull a job tonight just to make sure. :'''Murphy, Joker's henchman''': Make sure what, boss? :'''Joker''': ''[surprised by Murphy's question]'' Why that old Batsy's bought the cave of course, and one more thing Murphy.....''[turning more annoyed]'' don't ask stupid questions. ''[pushes Murphy to the hyenas who scratch and lick him crazily, to Joker's satisfaction]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': I'll get the mop. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': When the cops come, stall them for awhile, just until Batman arrives. '' Got it?'' :'''Henchman''': Right, boss. :'''Joker''': ''[to Murphy, still scarred from the hyenas]'' Any questions, Murph? :'''Murphy''': No sir! :'''Joker''': ''[to Sid The Squid]'' Good man. And if Batman hasn't ''really'' gone to his final reward, ''we'll'' see that he gets there! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Dear friends... today is the day the Clown cried. And he cries not for the passing of one man, but for the death of a dream. The dream that he would someday taste the ultimate victory over his hated enemy. For it was the Batman who made me the happy soul I am today. How I agonized over the perfect way to thank him for that. Perhaps with a cyanide pie in the face. Or an exploding whoopie-cushion playfully planted in the Batmobile. But those dreams were dashed by the weaselly little gunsel sitting there in our midst. The cowardly insignificant gonif who probably got lucky when Batman slipped on the slime trail this loser left behind him. This mound of diseased hyena filth who's not fit to lick the dirt from my spats...! But I digress. The time for sorrow has passed. It's time to look to a future filled with smiles. And I'll be smiling again just as soon as we take that man THERE...and slap him in that box THERE...and roll him into that vat of acid THERE! Well that was fun...who's for Chinese?! ===''Mudslide'' [1.52]=== :'''Clayface''': ''[After civilians flee in terror upon seeing his true form]'' That's right, run! Run for your measly lives! Run from Clayface! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Clayface''': You've upstaged me for the last time, Batman. Time to bring down the curtain! ===''Paging The Crime Doctor'' [1.53]=== :'''Rupert Thorne''': You think you iced the Batman, huh? Heh heh heh... Not on your best day, Jake! I'd cover my back if I were you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce Wayne''': Bruce Wayne, Dr. Thorne. Thomas Wayne's son. Did you get my letter? :'''[[w:Joseph Campanella|Matthew Thorne]]''': Yes. Thomas Wayne... :'''Bruce Wayne''': I told you I can help with your legal costs, maybe even put in a good word with the judge. :'''Matthew Thorne''': Yes, but what do you get out of it? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Well, there is something you can do for me. :'''Matthew Thorne''': I knew it! I knew there'd be a catch. Sorry, Mr. Wayne. Matthew Thorne is no longer for sale! :'''Bruce Wayne''': I'm not looking for any illegal favors. :'''Matthew Thorne''': What then? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Something you know. Something only you can give me. ''[pause]'' Tell me about my father. :''[Dr. Thorne grins and camera pans out as he ushers Bruce to resume his seat]'' ===''Zatanna'' [1.54]=== :'''[[w:Zatanna|Zatanna]]''': What do you care about some leggy dame in nylons- or have I just answered my own question? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zatanna''': ''[About Batman's mask]'' What happened that made you put this on? :'''Batman''': A painful memory, and a promise. ===''The Mechanic'' [1.55]=== :'''The Penguin''': ''[furious at his men for stealing the wrong stamps by mistake]'' These are terrible! Terrible! :'''Eagleton''': ''[indignant]'' Come on, boss. Give me a break. We got you the stamps. What more do you want? :'''The Penguin''': ''[tossing the worthless stamps angrily]'' I wanted the rare ones! The reversed Audubons! These aren't worth enough to pay for the repairs to the limousine. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Earl Cooper''': ''[sees the damaged Batmobile]'' You been letting the kid drive again? :'''Robin''': Ha ha. Actually we were playing chicken with a penguin. :'''Batman''': Or three of his men. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Penguin is scrubbing license plates in prison]'' :'''Penguin''': ''[reading one]'' "1 BAT 4U"?! ''[breaks it in anger]'' ===''Harley and Ivy'' [1.56]=== :'''Joker''': NO, we didn't get the diamond! The Dork Knight showed up before we even got to the museum! I had a great shot at him, too. Except... my dear little Harley Quinn handed me the wrong gun! :'''Harley Quinn''': But puddin', it was kinda funny watching you shoot at him with the bang flag! ''[Rocco and Henshaw can't help laughing then stifle it as the Joker glares at them]'' :'''Joker''': ''[turning back to Harley]'' Funny? You presume to tell me what I should think is funny?!? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[Poison Ivy trips the alarm, spoiling and hers and Harley Quinn's separate robberies]'' Nice going, butterfingers! Why not turn on the Bat-Signal while you're at it? :'''Poison Ivy''': I wasn't TRYING to get caught! :'''Harley Quinn''': Could've fooled me! Hey, aren't you that plant lady Poison Oakie? :'''Poison Ivy''': Ivy! Poison IVY, not Oakie! :'''Harley Quinn''': Sorry! Harley Quinn, please to meet ya! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Poison Ivy is about to give an injection to Harley Quinn]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': I hate shots! I hate shots! :'''Poison Ivy''': Now, now. You're not immune to poison like I am, and you won't last ten minutes here in Toxic Acres without my antidote. ''[gives the injection]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': Oooh! Whew, you'd think after livin' with Mr. J, I'd be used to a little pain. :'''Poison Ivy''': Why do you put up with that clown? :'''Harley Quinn''': Don't get me wrong. My puddin's a little rough sometimes, but he loves me, really. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[sarcastically]'' Sure he does. You're just one big, forgiving doormat, aren't you? :'''Harley Quinn''': I am NOT a doormat! ...Am I? :'''Poison Ivy''': If you had a middle name, it would be Welcome. But cheer up, kid. You just need some lessons in good old female self-esteem. In other words, let's play with the boys on ''our'' terms. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': That should keep you big strong men busy while we weak little girls loot your trophy room. :'''Harley Quinn''': Gee, Ives, you got style! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[sighs softly]'' No offense, Ives, but I'm not very hungry. Somehow I don't feel like my old perky self. Something's missing. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[angrily slams her form on Harley's plate]'' Will you stop?! I can't believe you're still mooning over that psychotic creep! :'''Harley Quinn''': Well, maybe I'd feel better if I knew he missed me, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': HARLEY!!! This place is going to blinking blue blazes! Anybody seen my socks?! '''HARLEY!!!''' ''[the hyenas snarl at Joker]'' OH!! They snapped at me! What's going on, Rock? This place is a mess, no one's fed the hyenas and I can't find my socks! Where's Harley?! :'''Rocko''': Y-y-ya canned her, boss. Remember? :'''Joker''': So? She's always come back before. :'''Rocko''': Gee... I guess ya ain't seen the papers then. :'''Joker''': Papers?! What are you babbling about?! ''[snatches the newspaper from Rocko and reads an article of Harley's partnership with Poison Ivy]'' '''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!''''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[to Poison Ivy]'' I remember when I would go driving like this with Mr. J. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[imitating Harley Quinn]'' "Mr. J, Mr. J." Oh, change the record, Harl! You wanna be some wacko's victim the rest of your life?! ===''Shadow Of The Bat Part 1'' [1.57]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[indignant after reading about James Gordon's arrest]'' We'll see about this. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara Gordon]]''': So Batman can't help me? Fine. Let's see what Batgirl can do! ===''Shadow Of The Bat Part 2'' [1.58]=== :'''Two-Face''': Don't get wise with me, Mason. Remember who got you set up as Gordon's assistant? :'''Gil Mason''': Right, Harvey, right. :'''Two-Face''': ''[grabs him]'' Don't call me that! It's TWO-FACE to you, pretty boy! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I should've known it would be Two-Face. It's a perfect two-part plan. He consolidates the gangs while Mason takes over the police. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Gil Mason is about to murder James Gordon to become commissioner, and later mayor]'' :'''Gil Mason''': It's business, Jim. Nothing personal. Matter of fact, I respect you, I do. But a fellow has to take his opportunities where he finds them. And with you out of the way, I'll be mayor inside of a year! :'''Gordon''': You're SICK, Gil! ''[glances at Two-Face]'' A lot sicker than him! At least I can see his bad half! :'''Mason''': Sorry you feel that way. At least you won't have to worry about Barbara. I'll take good care of her. She's very fond of me, you know. :'''Gordon''': You piece of scum! I may not be able to stop you, but I know someone who will! :'''Mason''': I wouldn't get your hopes up. You see, there's been a recent decline in the bat population... ===''Blind As A Bat'' [1.59]=== :'''Penguin''': Your aim appears to be a little off today, Batman. I don't think you could hit the broad side of a barn, let alone the broad side of this bird! You're blind as a bat. Sightless and helpless. :'''Batman''': You've got ''one'' right. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': You have a call on your private line. :'''Bruce''': Then let's go! :'''Alfred''': In your condition, sir? :'''Bruce''': If you think a little inconvenience like this is going to stop me... :''[he knocks over a lamp]'' :'''Alfred''': Indeed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': ''[contacting Mayor Hill's office from the Raven]'' Quite a machine, this Raven. Amazing what its communications equipment can do. Don't you agree? You've received my instructions? :'''Mayor Hill''': They arrived by messenger this morning. You know, one-hundred million is a a lot of money. It'll take time to raise that much. :'''Penguin''': You're stalling, Hill. Obviously, you're not taking me seriously. I've warned you not to make that mistake. Apparently, I'll have to show you why. :''[shuts off communication and Hill angrily snaps his pencil in half]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Hill''': Just what I was afraid of. According to the controller's office, we can't come close to putting that ransom together. Not without shutting down basic municipal services. :'''Detective Bullock''': So what other options do we got? :'''Batman''': ''[emerging from the shadows]'' None, gentlemen. Which is why you're going to do exactly what the Penguin wants you to. ===''The Demon's Quest Part 1'' [1.60]=== :'''Ra's al Ghul''': As [[W:Napoleon|Napoleon]] told me, "A strong will can fuel a frail physique." <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Look at it, detective. One of the last of the rainforests. The world depends upon its oxygen, yet the rich see only profit in its destruction. You, who belong to the overclass, have much to answer for. :'''Batman''': Bruce Wayne donates millions of dollars a year to preserve these forests. :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Which are being depleted at the rate of 120,000 acres a day. Does your money solve this problem? No! It will take more than wealth. It will take power, and I fear, ruthlessness. Humankind must be forced to serve the planet instead of its own appetites. :'''Batman''': And you're the one who'll do the forcing? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': I am... qualified, yes. But I may not have sufficient lifetimes left to me. ===''The Demon's Quest Part 2'' [1.61]=== :'''Ubu''': Infidel! :'''Batman''': If you only knew how sick I am of you calling me that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ra's al Ghul''': The material of the Pit is an unknown chemical stew that bubbles to the Earth's surface only in certain key places. Even now, my people are placing bombs, such as that one, over the various Lazarus Pits around the world. These bombs are electronically linked to a private satellite already in Earth orbit. :'''Batman''': ''Orpheus''. :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Precisely. And at the moment when sun and moon are in proper alignment to cause the greatest upheaval in Earth's geomagnetic field, I shall send a signal to that satellite, beginning a countdown. Five minutes thereafter, one bomb will be lowered deep into the heart of each Pit. The satellite will in turn relay a microwave signal that will detonate all the bombs simultaneously. The multiple explosions will result in a global chain reaction. All the Lazarus Pits throughout the world will overflow. The globe will be saturated with their chemical solution, and when the resultant cataclysm has abated, there will come a blessed peace, and this poor, defiled planet shall find itself restored to its former pristine glory. :'''Batman''': But that will cost countless lives! :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Actually, Detective, we ''have'' counted: Two billion, fifty-six million, nine hundred and eighty-six thousand! A most impressive plan, would you not agree? :'''Batman''': Yes... I can see it clearly now for the first time. You are completely out of your mind. ===''His Silicon Soul'' [1.62]=== :'''Rossum''': You don't understand. You're not a man's mind in a robot's body. You're a robot. Period. :'''Bat-Duplicant''': You're lying! It's not possible! I know my family and friends! I remember names, faces, birthdays! I have memories! A past! :'''Rossum''': You have information. Data. Nothing more. Do you remember your first kiss? Your favorite song? The last time you tasted a really good steak? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[about the duplicant]'' Could it be it had a soul, Alfred? A soul of silicon, but a soul nonetheless. ===''Fire From Olympus'' [1.63]=== :'''Stavros''': Please! It's not what you think. I wasn't going to say anything. Honest! :'''[[w:Maxie Zeus|Maximillion "Maxie" Zeus]]''': Silence! First, you transgress against me. Then, you force me to descend to the mortal plane. And now, you tell me I know not what I think?! :'''Stavros''': No! :'''Zeus''': To the depths of Tartarus with you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zeus''': You bore me with these tales of petty human concerns. :'''Clio''': ''[annoyed]'' You're doing it again, Max. :'''Zeus''': You are Clio, my muse of history. Amuse me with tales of ancient times when mortals trembled at the name of Zeus. :'''Clio''': You want a story? I got one. Seems there was this guy named Max who, because he'd been lucky so far in the smuggling racket, believed himself to be untouchable, superior, godlike... :'''Zeus''': There's a cynical edge to your voice I don't appreciate. Know you not, I am above mortal constraints of right and wrong? :'''Clio''': No one is above the law, Max. :'''Zeus''': I make my own laws! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zeus''': Begone, Lord [[w:Hades|Hades]]. Get thee back to thine own realm. Do not come again to Olympus until bidden! :'''Batman''': I think I get the message. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Clio''': ''[telling Batman about Zeus]'' He wasn't always this way, you know. But then business got bad and he started handling cargo for the mob. After a while, with the pressure, the tension... things got confused. He's not living in the real world anymore. ''[awkwardly]'' Maybe you can relate to that? :'''Batman''': ''[after a short silence]'' You're the only one who can get me close enough to help him - while some of the man you knew still exists. ===''Read My Lips'' [1.64]=== :'''Batman''': How do you think I found this place? The phone book? I had help. ''Inside'' help. :'''[[w:Ventriloquist (comics)|Scarface]]''': My premonition! I knew I was right! Which one of you louses is it?! :'''Rhino''': It ain't me boss! :'''Scarface''': I know it ain't you, Rhino! You're too stupid to be a traitor! :'''Rhino''': Thanks, boss. :'''Scarface''': But whoever it is, they're gonna pay big time! Who is it?! You don't talk, you get the ultimate massage! :'''Batman''': And if I tell? :'''Scarface''': Maybe you just get run over by a truck. :'''Batman''': Tempting, but no. :'''Scarface''': Have it your way. Rhino! :''[Rhino gets ready to pull the lever to lower Batman to a pit of mannequins with razor-sharp fingernails]'' :'''Batman''': Hold it! :'''Scarface''': This is gettin' old, Bats. Last chance, who's the traitor? :'''Batman''': Him! The Ventriloquist! :''[everyone glares at the Ventriloquist]'' :'''Ventriloquist''': No, no! He's lying! I told you when he came into my room! :'''Scarface''': So what? Maybe you did 'cause I had ya cornered. Heard ya talkin' to Batman. :'''Batman''': ''[uses his own ventriloquism to imitate the Ventriloquist]'' Shut up, you blockhead! :'''Scarface''': WHAT DID YOU SAY?! :'''Ventriloquist''': It wasn't me! I didn't say that! My lips didn't move! :'''Scarface''': So what?! You're a ventriloquist! You're also a lyin' yellow liver-bellied two-face! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, Scarface! I'm loyal! I'd never! :'''Batman''': He's been feeding me information, in return for legal protection. ''[imitates the Ventriloquist again]'' You're going up the river, sawdust-for-brains! :'''Scarface''': Why, I oughta...! Waste the floor-flusher! Come on, I gave an order! ICE HIM! DO IT! DO IT NOW! :'''Muggsy''': But, boss, we ventilate the Ventriloquist, your, y'know... :'''Scarface''': I'M SURROUNDED BY TRAITORS! Okay, fine. Ya want something done right, do it yourself! ''[aims his gun at the Ventriloquist]'' ===''The Worry Men'' [1.65]=== :'''Veronica''': If ever someone led a worry-free life, it's you, Bruce Wayne. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce''': Tell me, Alfred: what's an ancient Mayan witch doctor doing on a Gotham skyscraper? :'''Alfred''': This isn't one of those Riddler questions, is it? :'''Bruce''': No, but it's just as confusing. <hr width="50%"/> :''[As Batman attempts to escape from his guillotine]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Oh, you're a clever one! But I will not be denied! As the great [[w:Lewis Carroll|Lewis Carroll]] said: "[[w:Jabberwocky|One, two, one, two, and through and through the vorpal blade went snicker-snack! He left it dead, and with its head, he went galumphing back!]]" <hr width="50%"/> :''[Freed from his mind control, the Mad Hatter's jaguar gang turn on him]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Stop! :'''Shaman''': Yes, stop. Leave him to the police. :'''Mad Hatter''': Thank you. Thank you, you generous, forgiving, ''[draws a gun from his hat]'' noble fool! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': I must say, after all the Hatter put him through, that fellow showed remarkable restraint. :'''Bruce''': When everything was said and done, all the shaman really wanted was to go home. In fact, I hear he even sent the Hatter a farewell gift. :''[The Hatter is seen tossing and turning in bed in Arkham]'' :'''Bruce''': Something to ensure that Jervis Tetch only dreams of a good honest life from now on. :''[A Batman doll is revealed from under the Hatter's pillow]'' ==Season 2== ===''Sideshow'' [2.1]=== :'''Killer Croc''': You know, there's something the brains back at the joint didn't think about. :'''Prison Guard''': Yeah, what's that? :'''Killer Croc''': Crocodile's got the strongest jaws of any animal around. ''[bites his handcuffs in half]'' :'''Prison Guard''': ''[spits the coffee out of his mouth and pins Croc with the shotgun]'' Get back! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman arrives with his shadow. Goliath wakes up and Batman covers Goliath's mouth by calming him down]'' :'''Batman''': Calm down, I won't hurt you. I'm just looking for someone: half man, half crocodile. ''[Goliath looks over worriedly]'' He's in there, isn't he? :'''Goliath''': ''[Pushes Batman to the cage]'' No! Stay away! ''[Holds him against it]'' He's one of us. Croc, run! :'''Batman''': ''[Kicks Goliath into the stomach]'' I don't wanna hurt you. :'''Goliath''': Don't worry, you won't. ''[Hits Batman with the big punch and Batman and Goliath starts fighting]'' :'''Killer Croc''': ''[Comes out of the house]'' You. ''[Gives Batman a spear]'' :'''Billy''': Richard, help! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Billy the Seal Boy''': Why, Croc? Why'd you turn on us like that? We could have helped you, we could have done something. :'''Killer Croc''': You said you can be yourself out here, remember? Well, I guess that's what I was doing - being myself. ===''A Bullet For Bullock'' [2.2]=== :'''Bullock''': Let's get something straight from the get-go. I think you're a freak and a menace, and those are your ''good'' points. But the commish says you serve a purpose, so I go along. :'''Batman''': I appreciate your honesty. What's the problem? :'''Bullock''': Somebody's got it in for me. Tried to give me a fender massage last night. It ain't the first time. Last week too. :'''Batman''': Any suspects? :'''Bullock''': So many, they could have their own zip code. I've put a lot of guys away, and they hate me for it. Looks like one of them hates me enough to do something about it. :'''Batman''': Why me? Why not just go to the department? :'''Bullock''': I step on a lot of toes. I don't want Internal Affairs looking at me too close. They might find some things I don't want found. :'''Batman''': Are you on the take? :'''Bullock''': Watch it, freak! I never took a dime from nobody! I just bend the rules a little sometimes, you understand. We're not all that different. :'''Batman''': We're on the same side, but we're ''not'' the same. I'll help you find out who's after you, but you've got to collar them clean. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': We ''are'' speaking of the same person, are we not? Harvey Bullock? The detective who looks like an unmade bed? :'''Batman''': The same. :'''Alfred''': He came to ''you'' for help? It must be serious. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Montoya''': Bullock? You okay? You don't look so good. I mean, you never look good, but today you look worse. :'''Bullock''': After fifteen years working in this cesspool, I'd like to see how good ''you'' look! <hr width="50%"/> :''[In the Batmobile]'' :'''Bullock''': Nice starship you got here. What's this for? ''[points towards a button]'' :'''Batman''': Passenger ejector seat. :''[Bullock withdraws nervously, while Batman smirks slightly]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bullock''': By the way, I still think you're a freak, but... thanks. ===''Trial'' [2.3]=== :'''Two-Face''': Basic fifty-fifty option. You get him off, you both go free. He goes down, you take the fall with him. :'''Mad Hatter''': Amusing idea, what? Kidnapping you to be Batman's attorney? :'''Two-Face''': Personally, I suggested a quick slug between the eyes... but I lost the coin toss. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarface''': Court is now in session! The Good People of Arkham Asylum vs. the Self-Righteous Vigilante Called Batman! Our prosecutor is ready, likewise our fair and impartial jury. :'''Mad Hatter''': Hang him! :'''Harley''': Shoot him! :'''Killer Croc''': Hit him with a rock! :'''Scarface''': And now, all rise for the most honorable, most benevolent, most merciful Judge Joker! :'''Joker''': GUILTY! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I was promised a chance to defend my client! :'''Joker''': Oh, very well. Like it'll make a difference. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I suppose that you, like your friends, claim that Batman ''drove'' you to be a criminal? :'''Mad Hatter''': He did. :'''Janet Van Dorn''': And yet, as I recall in your case, you brainwashed and kidnapped a woman who rejected you. :'''Mad Hatter''': Batman forced me to do it! He was going to take her away from me! I had no choice! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': You could have respected her wishes and left her alone. :'''Mad Hatter''': I'D HAVE KILLED HER FIRST! ''[gasps and covers his mouth, then turns to the Joker]'' I'd like that last statement stricken from the record, please. :'''Joker''': Record? Is someone supposed to be writing this down? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': And so it's Batman's fault you lead a life of crime? :'''Poison Ivy''': He should have let me bump off Harvey Dent. We'd all have been better off - wouldn't we, Harv? :'''Two-Face''': ''[muttering while flipping his coin]'' Why, you rotten little... :'''Janet Van Dorn''': But Miss Isley, isn't the real motivation for your crimes your obsession with plants? That you prefer them to people? :'''Poison Ivy''': I love plants, honey, but a rose is a rose. :'''Janet Van Dorn''': Then it doesn't bother you when someone, let's say the judge here, ''[plucks the flower from the Joker's robe]'' ruthlessly ''plucks'' a defenceless flower from the warm green earth? :'''Poison Ivy''': No! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': Even knowing he's given it his death sentence? That its petals must die? ''[starts pulling its petals out]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': Stop it...! :'''Poison Ivy''': One by one, withering, falling. One by one till it's all gone, ''honey.'' :''[She crushes the flower so that it crumbles apart. Ivy shrieks with rage and attacks her, and the Scarecrow and Mad Hatter rush in to restrain her]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Miss Ivy, please! :'''Scarface''': You look beautiful when you're angry. :''[Ivy smacks the Ventriloquist in the face, and Scarface laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I used to believe Batman was responsible for you people. But now I see nearly everyone here would have ended up exactly the same, Batman or not. Oh, the gimmicks might be different, but you'd all be out there in some form or another bringing misery to Gotham. The truth is, ''you'' created ''him.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Well done, counsellor. You've proven that Batman ''didn't'' create us - that we, in fact, messed up our own rotten lives! And as we are so rotten, vile and depraved... we're going to waste you anyway! :''[The inmates cheer and close in on Batman and Janet]'' :'''Joker''': [[w:Porky Pig|A-bi-a-bi-a-bi, that's all, folks!]] ''[bangs down a rubber chicken]'' Let's mambo! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I see now there's a need for the things you do. But I'm still going to work towards a city that doesn't need Batman. :'''Batman''': ''[smiling]'' Me too. ===''Avatar'' [2.4]=== :'''Lucius Fox''': Without a doubt, this will be one of the best museum exhibitions Gotham City has ever seen. You can be quite the humanitarian on occasion, Bruce. It's commendable. It's inspiring. :'''Bruce''': It's deductible. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce''': You've got a serious priority problem, Ra's. What can be in that tomb that's more valuable than the love of your daughter? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Power, detective. The power once held by almighty Thoth-Khepera, Queen of Two Continents. :'''Bruce''': You surprise me, Ra's. The world's oldest chauvinist chasing after a woman? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Thoth-Khepera was not simply a woman, detective, nor merely a ruler. Through her flowed the power of the gods. With no more than a gesture, she controlled the force of life and death, and with it, she kept a nation under her thumb for one thousand years. :'''Bruce''': You sound like a bad Saturday afternoon serial, Ra's. This is sheer nonsense. :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': No, detective - I know there is a power there to be tapped! My six hundred years of life are proof of that power. :''[Bruce and Talia are trapped in a glass booth]'' :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Farewell, detective. Farewell, Talia. It is said that one finds one's immortality in one's offspring. Alas, I know that to be a lie. ===''House and Garden'' [2.5]=== :'''Batman''': She's done nothing more incriminating than return an overdue video - even paid the late fee. :'''Alfred''': Could it be Ivy truly has reformed? :'''Batman''': I want to believe it. Why can't I? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You haven't changed a bit. :'''Poison Ivy''': Yes, I have. I meant it when I said I wanted a family that loves me. I just wanted it on my terms. :'''Robin''': Lady, you're nuts! :'''Poison Ivy''': Well, that's ''your'' opinion. Probably the last one you'll ever have, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': I'm just sorry she got away. :'''Batman''': Me too, Robin. But I don't think we'll see her again anytime soon. :''[The real Ivy is shown escaping on a plane out of Gotham, looking through a scrapbook]'' :'''Batman''': Ivy lost everything she had, everything she said she ever wanted. For what it's worth, I believed her when she told me that for the first time in her life... she was happy. :''[Ivy sheds tears as she looks at a photo of her wedding]'' ===''The Terrible Trio'' [2.6]=== :'''Warren''': Is this all you do for kicks, Bruce? Charity work? :'''Bruce''': Well, I do have a night life. Pull! ''[shoots down a clay pigeon]'' Besides, it's important to help others. It may sound corny, but hey, it's how I feel. :'''Warren''': You must recognize that you are a superior animal, Bruce. A member of the elite. Pull! ''[shoots down another clay pigeon]'' Take my Delta brothers and me. Why, we've run with the bulls! :'''Armand''': Shot game from hot air balloons! :'''Gunther''': Killed a great white! :'''Warren''': We've done it all. Ah, therein lies the problem. After all, what do the rajas do when there are no more tigers to hunt? :'''Bruce''': I'm sure you'll think of something, Warren. ''[leaves]'' :'''Warren''': Dollar for dollar, that has to be the dullest man in Gotham City. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Scoundrels like these are worse than the Joker. At least he's got madness as an excuse! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Let's go, Fox. You've raided your last chicken coop. :'''Warren''': Wait, wait a minute! We can make a deal! A million dollars to let me go! ''Ten'' million! Think about it. Buys a lot of Batarangs! :'''Batman''': ''[unimpressed]'' Your money's no good here. :'''Warren''': Okay, fine! Go ahead, take me in, hero! I've got every judge in town in my pocket! You'll see! I'll get justice! The best that money can buy! :''[Next, Warren is seen being ushered into a cell at Stonegate, where his burly new cellmate gives him a menacing look]'' ===''Harlequinade'' [2.7]=== :'''Harley''': ''[in handcuffs]'' I sense a lack of trust. :'''Robin''': Are you sure you don't need help keeping Zippy under control? :''[Harley picks the lock on her cuffs while Batman speaks]'' :'''Batman''': I'm fine. Besides, I need you to be ready if Gordon's men get any leads. I'll signal if there's trouble. :'''Robin''': You got it. :'''Harley''': I wanna listen to the radio! ''[reaches for the controls]'' :'''Batman''': DON'T--! :''[Harley Quinn deploys a parachute, causing the Batmobile to swerve wildly. When the Batmobile stops, Batman is furious]'' :'''Harley''': ''[timidly]'' Oops... :'''Batman''': Listen, and listen good. You don't touch anything, say anything, or DO ANYTHING UNLESS I TELL YOU! GOT IT?! :'''Harley''': Yes, sir. :'''Batman''': ''[turns away, Harley begins making faces at him]'' So far, Joker hasn't been seen in any of his old hideouts. I want you to show me the last place he used when he escaped. ''[catches her making a face, which she replaces with a sheepish grin]'' :'''Harley''': Okay! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Instead of taking you, the cops, and the Batman down separately? I'm gonna blast you all at once! ''[takes out his phone and speaks into it]'' Send down the plane, boys! We're blowing town! Literally. ''[gets off the phone]'' :'''Mayor''': But all those innocent people... :'''Joker''': Some joke on them, eh? Think of it as the ultimate punchline! Ha ha ha ha ha! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': It's lucky you were here, Quinn. The countdown sequence didn't leave Joker enough time to swing by Arkham and pick you up. :'''Joker''': Quiet, brat. :'''Harley''': You ''were'' gonna come for me, weren't you, Puddin'? :'''Joker''': Of course, pumpkin-pie! It's just that... well, here you are, so I can, err, save myself the trip! :'''Harley''': But what about all our friends, Ivy and Two-Face and... Hat-Guy and Lizard-Man and Puppet-Head and-- ''[Joker shoves her into the plane]'' :'''Joker''': What about them? :'''Batman''': Don't forget your little pets! :'''Harley''': ''[gasps]'' The babies! We can't leave the babies! :'''Joker''': ''[shoves Harley into the plane again]'' I'll buy you a goldfish! Let's go! :'''Harley''': ''[struggling]'' NO! :'''Joker''': Why, you little...! :''[Harley kicks him in the face]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley''': ''[points the gun against Joker]'' Freeze, clown! :'''Batman''': Quinn, stop! :'''Harley''': He's mine, Bats! :'''Joker''': ''[grinning]'' You wouldn't dare. You don't have the guts! Not in a million years would you-- :''[Harley pulls the trigger - and a flag that reads "Rat-Tat-Tat" comes out of the barrel. The Joker stares at her for a moment, and throws his arms wide to embrace her]'' :'''Joker''': Baby, you're the greatest! ===''Time Out Of Joint'' [2.8]=== :'''Mayor Hill''': You! How did you get past-- :'''The Clock King''': Good evening, Mayor! Nice to see you again too. And whose life are you ruining now? A poor pensioner? A malnourished orphan, perhaps? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Hill''': Please, Fugate, don't hurt me! :'''The Clock King''': If it's any comfort, my revenge will encompass more than just you. I intend to pass a most timely sentence on the entire judicial system. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': It's a shame that you've decided to keep this device a secret. :'''Dr. Wataki''': It would seem that the world is not quite ready for it yet. :'''Robin''': Gee, that's too bad for Fugate. I'm sure he'll wish he had something to make the days pass quicker where he's going. ===''Catwalk'' [2.9]=== :'''Scarface''': Calm down, pussycat. We're all friends here. ''[to the Ventriloquist]'' Dummy, don't keep our pretty guest in the dark. :'''Ventriloquist''': Yes, sir, Mr. Scarface. ''[turns on the lot, revealing him and Scarface]'' :'''Scarface''': Ah, that's better. :'''Selina Kyle''': ''[gasps]'' You gotta be kidding! ''[laughs]'' :'''Scarface''': What's she laughin' at? My fly ain't open, is it?! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, sir. :'''Scarface''': So what's the gag? :'''Selina Kyle''': Oh come on, you know! ''[in a goofy voice]'' "What's the gag?" :'''Scarface''': ''[aims his gun at Selina]'' Can it, sister! This is Scarface you're dealing with, and I don't stand for no disrespect. :'''Ventriloquist''': I'd do as he says, ma'am. Mr. Scarface can be quite insistent. :'''Scarface''': I don't think anyone's talking to you! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, sir. No, sir. :'''Selina Kyle''': Right... so, what do you want with me? :'''Scarface''': My boys happened to be in the museum when they saw your little set-to with Miss Ronnie V. They also seen you licking your whiskers at the sight of Ronnie's pretty sparklers. :'''Selina Kyle''': You're boring me, log. :''[the Ventrloquist pulls out an envelope from his coat]'' :'''Scarface''': So what if I could provide you with a foolproof plan to snatchin' those rocks with no risk of you gettin' caught? :'''Selina Kyle''': Pass. Kitty's been staying it at night. It's not the greatest, but it beats the pound, if you know what I mean. :'''Scarface''': Now, that's a darn shame. And I thought for sure you'd want a chance to get even with the Vreelands. Not just for yourself, ya understand, but for all those poor little stuffed critters what never had the chance to fight back. :'''Selina Kyle''': Oh, barf. :'''Scarface''': It's a 50/50 cut. Take it or leave it? You in or what? :''[Selina thinks about it for a while then picks up the envelope]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': What a pleasant surprise. Though I should warn you - breaking and entering is against the law. :'''Batman''': You would know. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarface''': [[w:Tweety|I thawt I thaw a putty tat!]] <hr width="50%"/> :''[Catwoman crushes Scarface under some logs]'' :'''Catwoman''': That's one way to remove a splinter. What's wrong, Ventriloquist? Cat got your tongue? :'''Ventriloquist''': Please, I never hurt you! Scarface, he's another person, not me, really! :'''Catwoman''': But he's inside you somewhere. And I'm going to keep scratching until I find him. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': [[w:Just So Stories|I am the cat who walks by herself.]] ===''Bane'' [2.10]=== :'''Thorne''': You almost didn't get paid. You're lucky these diamonds didn't get nabbed in the smuggling bust. :'''[[w:Bane (comics)|Bane]]''': No, Mr. Thorne. You are the lucky one. ''[He punches the punching bag across the room]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': He wrecked my car, Alfred. Between two guys, that's ''real'' personal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bane''': Toys. You try to fight me with pathetic little TOYS. You've got nothing! Beg for mercy! SCREAM MY NAME! :'''Batman''': Never. :'''Bane''': You are beaten! Now I will break you! ===''Baby-Doll'' [2.11]=== :'''Robin''': ''[on "Love That Baby"]'' I remember this show from when I was a kid. It still stinks. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At Wayne Manor, Summer Gleeson is on the telephone talking to Marv Wolfman at her office.]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': I don't care what Mayor Hill says. The people have a right to know, and if he won't talk to us-- ''[Batman drops a photo of Baby-Doll onto her desk]'' I'll call you back, Marv. ''[to Batman and Robin]'' Since when are you interested in has-been actors? :'''Batman''': Since that one's been kidnapping her co-stars. :'''Summer Gleeson''': You're serious? :'''Robin''': She's been picking them off, one by one. Any reason she'd have a grudge? :'''Summer Gleeson''': Actually, ''they'' should hate ''her.'' Dahl put them all out of work when she quit the series to become a "dramatic" actress. :''[Summer plays a video of Mary Dahl playing Lady Macbeth]'' :'''Mary Dahl''': What, will these hands never be clean? Here's the smell of the blood still. All the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand. :'''Robin''': Pee-yew! :'''Summer Gleeson''': That's what the critics said. Baby's dramatic career flopped, and when she tried to start her TV show again, the networks turned her down. :'''Batman''': That still doesn't explain why she's after her old cast. :'''Robin''': ''[picks up a cassette]'' Maybe there's a clue in these old episodes. :'''Summer Gleeson''': You can borrow them if you want. And when you crack the case, you can pay me back with an exclusive... ''[turns to see that they have gone]'' interview. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': Naughty, naughty, Daddys! Mustn't yell at your Baby like thats. :'''Tod Baker''': You're not my daughter, and we're not a family! We're actors, remember?! You cancelled our show because you whined you weren't getting enough attention! :'''Baby-Doll''': ''[putting on a sad face]'' But I knows now I made a boo-boo! ''[sniffles and breaks character]'' It was hard for me out there. I studied and trained and auditioned, but no one wanted me. ''[plays the sound of a crowd going "Aww..." on her tape recorder]'' Over the years, I remembered how happy I was with all of you around me, and the folks at home watching me each week. Me, ''[goes back into her "cute" voice]'' Baby-Doll! ''[giggles]'' Now I'm Baby for good, and everyone will love me agains! Hugs, hugs! :''[Her goons force the actors to share a hug with her, and she plays the "Aww..." again]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': ''[watching episodes of Baby Doll's old TV show]'' Remember that time Poison Ivy nearly smothered us in those vines, with the ''really'' sharp thorns? :'''Batman''': Yes. :'''Robin''': This is worse. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': ''[after her TV brother is rendered unconscious by her bodyguard]'' Sorry I had to play roughs, Tippy. I didn't mean to. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': ''[Mariam kicks Robin around]'' Wow, lady! You're good! :'''Mariam''': It's a living... <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman pursues Baby-Doll in a funhouse tunnel maze]'' :'''Baby-Doll''': Silly Mr. Batman can't catch me! :'''Batman''': Don't run away! I know you're scared, confused - I can help you! :'''Baby-Doll''': Liar, liar, cape on fire! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': Game's over, Mr. Batman! ''[laughs]'' I WIN! ''[Batman fires his grappling gun, knocking the doll-gun down a slide]'' No fair! ''[runs to retrieve it, and stumbles into a room full of fun-house mirrors. Picks up the gun, wandering through the various distorted reflections, until she comes to one that shows her as an adult]'' Look! That's me in there. The ''real'' me! There I am... ''[touches the reflection, and her face changes]'' ...But it's not ''really'' real, is it? Just... made up and pretend, like my family and my life and everything else! ''[turns to face Batman, who stands behind her]'' '''''WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST LET ME MAKE-BELIEVE?!''''' ''[fires at mirrors, and cries after breaking the mirror with her adult reflection. Batman approaches her]'' I didn't ''mean'' to... ===''The Lion And The Unicorn'' [2.12]=== :''[Alfred breaks a chair over a thug's head.]'' :'''Robin''': And here all I thought you dusted was furniture. :'''Alfred''': A [[w:Louis XV|Louis Quinze]]; what a pity. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred Pennyworth''': ''[after being drugged with a truth serum]'' You'll get nothing but gibberish out of me, madam. I come from haunts of cootenfern and knicker sudden Sally. Uh... dee-dum dee-dum dee-dum dee-dum, and bicker down the valley. :'''Red Claw''': And people wonder why no one takes Britain seriously anymore. ===''Showdown'' [2.13]=== :'''Sheriff''': Well, well. Jonah Hex, his own bad self. Been here five minutes and you ain't killed nobody nor set nothin' on fire. Slippin', ain't you? :'''[[w:Jonah Hex|Jonah Hex]]''': I'm still a little bushed. :'''Sheriff''': Fact is, you look a little past it, Hex. Not tired, just all used up. :'''Hex''': Well, when I get pushed, I can still shoot a fly out from between its wings. Provided the light's right, of course... and it's a big ''plump'' fly. :''[The sheriff glances down at his own portly figure. Two other bargoers retreat outside, sensing trouble.]'' :'''Sheriff''': I ain't got nothin' on you, Hex... yet. Just remember, them wanted posters say "dead or alive". You might try "alive" this time. :'''Hex''': First time for everything. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duvall''': It would appear we have ourselves a government spy. A rather disreputable-looking one at that. Well, Mr. Spy, I'd say your plan has failed, and the railroad is doomed. :'''Hex''': I ain't no spy! I'm Jonah Hex, and I don't give a tinker's cuss about no railroad. I've come to get ''you'', Arkady Duvall, on account of what you done to that girl back east. :'''Duvall''': ''[chuckles]'' You mean to say, you've tracked me across ''twelve states'' because of that? :'''Hex''': Well, there's also the matter of a 200 dollar reward. That part don't hurt my feelings none. :'''Duvall''': You're either a liar or a fool. :'''Hex''': I've been known to be foolish, but ain't ''nobody'' calls me a liar and goes to bed happy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hex''': Now! Let's you and me dance. :'''Duvall''': You cannot defeat me. I am a Heidelberg fencing champion. :'''Hex''': My heart's all a-flutter. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duvall''': Five thousand in gold, take it. Leave me be. :'''Hex''': It ain't about money, boy. It's about justice. And I aim to serve you some. :'''Duvall''': Let me live, please! :'''Hex''': I will. Only because it's too much trouble to haul your stinkin' carcass back east. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You left Duvall to his fate a century ago. Why come back for him now? :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Did you really think, detective, that in my six hundred years of life, I would have sired only ''one'' offspring? Even before the Phoenix debacle, I had come to realize that Arkady was too unbalanced and cruel to wisely rule my empire. :'''Batman''': But you couldn't forget about him. :'''Ra's al Ghul''': What father can ever forget his son? Come now, detective, I've still a few good years left. We will cross swords another day. But for now, let me take my boy home. ===''Riddler's Reform'' [2.14]=== :''[After learning about the theft of historical antiquities on TV]'' :'''Riddler''': ''[in Bruce's memory]'' Those are things of the past, Batman. Ancient history that's gone now. I'm a new man! But you probably won't figure that out before it's too late! ''[laughs]'' :'''Bruce''': ''He'' did it. :'''Dick''': Who? :'''Bruce''': The Riddler. Remember what he said: "Things of the past." "Ancient history that's gone now." Look! :'''Dick''': Gee, I don't know. His riddles aren't usually that subtle. Besides, he's got a multimillion dollar deal with that toy company. Why would he throw it away over some stupid riddle crime? :'''Bruce''': Because that's the way his warped mind works. He's obsessed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': He's right, you know. :'''Manny''': Who? :'''Riddler''': Batman. He ''is'' going to catch me, sooner or later. :'''Manny''': Gee, boss, you're scaring me. You're talking kinda crazy. :'''Riddler''': DON'T YOU ''EVER'' CALL ME THAT! I fooled the police, the doctors, the Parole Board - all of them! There's only one person who's ever been able to challenge me: ''BATMAN!'' He's the only one worthy of the game! :'''Manny''': But you said sooner or later he's gonna catch you. What are you gonna do? :'''Riddler''': I'm never going back to Arkham! So I guess there's only one thing to do! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': Hello, Batman. This is it: the end of the game. I'm a little sad actually. You were a worthy opponent. But then, I told you I'd make a ''killing'' at the Toy Fair! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': ''[ranting in a cell in Arkham]'' It's IMPOSSIBLE, I tell you! Impossible! My trap was perfect! How did he do it?! I have to know! SOMEBODY TELL ME! IT'S NOT FAIR! THERE WAS NO WAY, I TELL YOU! NO WAY HE COULD HAVE GOTTEN OUT! SOMEBODY TELL ME! DO YOU HEAR ME?! SOMEBODY TELL ME HOW HE DID IT! I HAVE TO KNOW! '''''I HAVE TO KNOOOOOOOOOW!!!''''' ===''Second Chance'' [2.15]=== :'''Penguin''': And what might ''you'' be doing out there? Catching insects for dinner? :'''Batman''': I'm looking for Two-Face. :'''Penguin''': What, did you lose him? ''[chuckles]'' :'''Batman''': Somebody kidnapped him from Gotham Central tonight. You and he had a disagreement sometime ago, didn't you? :'''Penguin''': It's true. Harvey stole a rare ''avis'' right out from under my beak several months ago. A jewel-encrusted statuette of a two-headed [[w:roc (mythology)|roc]]. It was worth millions. But, my dear rodent, I'd never kidnap a fellow rogue out of his sickbed. It just isn't done. :'''Batman''': Honour among thieves? :'''Penguin''': Absolutely. If I were going to attack Harvey, I'd do it face to face... to face, heh, so to speak. Like THIS! ''[laughs and unleashes his birds on Batman]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You may as well come out. I know everything now. :''[A man emerges, his identity obscured by shadows]'' :'''Batman''': You hated Harvey Dent, and would do anything to destroy him. :''[Lightning flashes, revealing the man to be Two-Face himself]'' :'''Two-Face''': Why not? He was going to destroy me. Just like I'm going to destroy you! ''[attacks him]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Harvey, pull yourself up! :'''Harvey''': I can't! I'll drop the coin! :'''Batman''': Drop it! Save yourself! :'''Harvey''': I... I don't know what to do. The coin won't tell me! :'''Batman''': It can't tell you anything! I switched coins when you grabbed me! :'''Robin''': ''[swings and kicks the thugs out of Batman's way]'' Good thing I decided to tag along after all. :'''Batman''': It's a trick coin! It'll always land on edge! It's ''your'' decision now, Harvey! Life or death? The coin or me? :''[Robin threw the batarang to hit the elevator button to send the thug in an elevator, thunderstruck and Harvey/Two-Face decided to drops the coin]'' :'''Harvey''': Batman, help me. :''[Batman tries to give Harvey a hand, but Two-Face suddenly regains control]'' :'''Two-Face''': Never! ''[punches Batman and falls]'' :'''Batman''': ''HARVEY!!!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harvey''': ''[seen in half-shadow, making him appear to once again be Harvey Dent instead of Two-Face]'' Bruce? Good old Bruce. Always there. You never give up on me. :''[Bruce Wayne smiles and pats Harvey's shoulder before he is escorted away]'' :'''Dick''': He's right. You're always there for him. :'''Bruce''': Yes, just like you're always there for me. :'''Dick''': Hey, what are friends for? ===''Harley's Holiday'' [2.16]=== :'''Scarecrow''': I am the Master of Fear! The Lord of Despair! Cower before me in witless terror! :'''Harley''': Hi, Professor Crane! :'''Scarecrow''': ''[Smiling fondly]'' Good evening, child. ''[To Batman and Robin, furiously]'' Worship me, you fools! Worship me! Scream hosannas of anguish to Scarecrow, the all-terrible God of Fear! ''[Guards take him away]'' :'''Robin''': I think he's getting better. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley''': I'm having a BAD DAY! I'm sick of people trying to shoot me, run me over and blow me up! I didn't even get to keep my new dress - I ACTUALLY PAID FOR IT! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman and Robin take Harley back to Arkham]'' :'''Harley''': ''[sadly]'' [[w:To market, to market|Home again, home again, diggity dig...]] :'''Dr. Joan Leland''': Not for too long, though. Ms. Vreeland dropped the kidnapping charges. With a little more hard work, you should be ready to re-enter society for good. :'''Harley''': Yay... ''[to Batman]'' There's one thing I've gotta know. Why'd you stay with me all day, risking your butt for someone who's never given you anything but trouble? :'''Batman''': I know what it's like to try and rebuild a life. ''[takes her dress out of a bag]'' I had a bad day too, once. :'''Harley''': ''[takes the dress, smiling]'' Nice guys like you shouldn't have bad days. ===''Lock-Up'' [2.17]=== :'''Scarecrow''': Don't take me back there, please! Look at me, Batman! I'm shaking with fear! Me! The Scarecrow! I wasn't even going back to crime this time! I just had to get away from... HIM! :'''[[w:Lock-Up (comics)|Lyle Bolton]]''': I'll take it from here, Batman. Lyle Bolton, Chief of security. Congratulations, Professor Crane. You're the first inmate to escape Arkham under my charge. ''[He grabs Crane by the collar; Crane whimpers]'' You're also the last. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bartholomew''': Miss Quinn? Do you have any complaints against Mr. Bolton? :''[Lyle Bolton sneers threateningly at Harley Quinn]'': :'''Harley Quinn''': I got nothing to say. :'''Bartholomew''': But surely you must have something you wish to- :'''Harley Quinn''': You got a hearing problem or something?! NO! NADA! IXNAY! ZERO! ZILCH! BUPKES! NOTHING! OKAY?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': He threatens us! Takes away our privileges, even when we're good! :'''[[w:Lock-Up (comics)|Lyle Bolton]]''': We've heard enough of this nonsense. :'''Jonathon Crane''': He says scum like us must be kept in line! That's why he chains us down at night and electrifies our doors! :'''Scarface''': He held me over a can filled with a termites! Ya hear me?! ''TERMITES!'' :'''Harley Quinn''': He's an animal! :'''Ventriloquist''': A monster! :'''Jonathon Crane''': Keep him away! :'''Lyle Bolton''': '''SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU!''' :''[The guards retrain Lyle Bolton, he kicks the table, resists the guards and attack and them; he threatens to kill the inmates, and Bruce Wayne trips him with the chair]'' :'''Lyle Bolton''': You're all scum! You should be beaten within an inch of your misbegotten lives! :'''Bartholomew''': I've seen enough! ''[pounds the gravel]'' Lyle Bolton, you're dismissed! :'''Lyle Bolton''': Before I came here, Arkham was a revolving door for every maniac in Gotham. ''I'' kept them in! '''ME!''' Now I realize I was wrong to punish those pathetic miscreants! '''THEY'RE ONLY SYMPTOMS! ''YOU'RE'' THE CAUSE! THE GUTLESS POLICE, MINDLESS BUREAUCRATS, AND CODDLING DOCTORS! YOU SHOULD ALL BE LOCKED UP IN A CAGE WITHOUT A KEY!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lock Up''': I could have rid Gotham of the fools in city hall and the police department! We could have made our own order! :'''Batman''': I was born to fight your brand of order! :'''Lock Up''': If that's your decision...! ===''Make 'Em Laugh'' [2.18]=== :'''Dispatcher''': Disturbance reported at the top of the Crown restaurant. Suspect is a male costumed extremist armed with what appears to be a... ketchup gun. :'''Batman''': It's going to be one of those nights. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Condiment King''': So long, suckers! Parting is such "sweet-and-sour" sorrow. ''[Batman yanks away his loot bag]'' What's this? Ah! The big bad Bat-guy. I knew you'd "ketchup" to me sooner or later. How I've "relished" this meeting. You, the dynamic Dark Knight, versus me, the conceptual Condiment King! Come, Batman. Let's see if you can "cut the mustard". :'''Batman''': Quiet! ''[punches the King in the stomach]'' :'''Condiment King''': ''[slumps to ground, gasping]'' You hit me! :'''Batman''': Now listen, Mustard Man, or whatever you call yourself. You're obviously new at this, so I'm willing to go easy on you, provided you give back the loot and never even think about doing this again. Deal? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Buddy's agent''': I don't get it. Buddy's just thrown his entire career away. The network's cancelling his show and the restaurant's suing him for a million dollars. Why did he do it? It just doesn't make sense. ===''Deep Freeze'' [2.19]=== :'''Batman''': Men like Walker are obsessed with getting their own way. And they don't let little things like the ''law'' stop them. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grant Walker''': Do you realize that in your half-frozen state, you will age more slowly than an ordinary human? You're practically immortal, my friend! :'''Mr. Freeze''': Yes, eternal life trapped in this wretched shell! What a miserable joke. :'''Grant Walker''': Miserable to you, but a godsend to me. Look at me, Mr. Freeze, I'm an old man. I've created wonders in my lifetime, but there is still so much to do! I want to change as you have. To become, like you, a being of blessed, eternal cold. :'''Mr. Freeze''': You're insane. :'''Grant Walker''': Only you know how to duplicate the accident that made you what you are. What I long to become! :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[grabs him]'' You want to live like this? Abandoned and alone? A prisoner in a world you can see but never touch? ''[drops him and turns away]'' Old and infirm as you are, I'd trade a thousand of my frozen years for your worst day. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grant Walker''': Every time I open a park, I get gatecrashers. :'''Batman''': We've seen your insane vision of the future, Walker. :'''Grant Walker''': My world will have no crime, violence or pain. :'''Robin''': You can add free will to that list too! :'''Grant Walker''': A small price to pay for order. :'''Batman''': ''Your'' order! For your select few! :'''Grant Walker''': Excuse me, but I fail to see the problem with that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You can't let Walker do this. Billions of people will perish! :'''Mr. Freeze''': That's not my concern. All that matters is I once again have my wife, and the means to restore her. :'''Batman''': She'll wake up in a dead, frozen world that ''you'' helped destroy. She'll ''hate'' you for that! :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''Silence.'' :'''Batman''': You think you're alone now? Wait until she learns the truth. :'''Mr. Freeze''': '''I SAID ''SILENCE!''''' ''[blasts at Batman and Robin, knocking them backward, then turns back to Nora with a saddened face]'' Forgive me... ''[frees Batman and Robin]'' Come, there is much to do. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Dick recovers from hypothermia]'' :'''Dick''': Man, if I spent any more time in that immersion tank, I'd be growing gills. :'''Bruce''': I'm just glad I was able to get you back here in time. :'''Dick''': Thanks. For a while I thought I'd end up like Walker, trapped in a ice cube forever. What about Mr. Freeze? Do you think he's gone for good? :'''Bruce''': I'm not sure. But if Freeze's condition has made him truly immortal... we may not have seen the last of him. ===''Batgirl Returns'' [2.20]=== :'''Catwoman''': Bats are just mice with wings, little girl. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Batgirl|Batgirl]]''': So, what are you going to do? Leave us over one of these vats with acid burning through the rope? :'''Daggett''': ''[Laughs]'' If there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's that you crime-fighting types are very resourceful. So, I'll just have my men shoot you and throw your bodies in the vats. == About ''{{PAGENAME}}'' == *'''PD''': If I had to differentiate between [Batman and Superman], I'd say Superman is sort of about hope. You've got this guy who's an alien and not truly human, but he personifies all the best qualities of humanity. He's sort of an example of what it would be nice to be like. We would all like to be like Superman. We would all like to have power, compassion, the ability to settle problems in a good way, and maybe [be able to] wink to ourselves about how nobody else besides us knows we really have this secret power and we keep it ourselves. There's not a lot of angst with Superman. If there is, it's more like, "I wish I could tell Lois who I really was." Batman is how you'd like to be if you [could] break someone's neck: "I'm pissed off, and I want to go out and do something about it." Superman waits for trouble to happen, and then he goes off and stops the problem. Batman's looking for trouble; he doesn't really start it, but he's out there looking. And if he sees something going on, he just jumps into the middle of it. :'''JA''': Batman's sort of a sociopath too. :'''PD''': He's absolutely a sociopath. He's a sociopath with a lot of money, and he's got a sense of right and wrong. I don't think he's totally bereft of some sort of compassion or feeling for some of the villains. He doesn't go after somebody like Mr. Freeze without a small bit of compassion for the man, or maybe someone like the Mad Hatter, or even Harley, whom he thinks is certainly a pain in the ass, but I think he kind of wishes she'd get her act together and wise up at some point. <br> But with darker characters like the Scarecrow and the Joker, he's basically out to make sure they never get out again - whatever it takes to take them down. Somebody like the Joker is probably the least human of all of Batman's Rogues Gallery. That was why I never wanted to do a story that humanizes the Joker, like we did with the Mad Hatter or Mr. Freeze, because I just don't think the character lends itself to that. He's almost supernatural in a way; he's somebody who's just thoroughly insane, who does what he wants to do, and who has a grudge against Batman. He probably likes horrifying people with his clownish appearance as much as Batman terrorizes criminals with his nightmare-like appearance. The Joker is pretty inhuman. I'd say the same thing about the Scarecrow. He is someone who really gets turned on by scaring people. He's like the anti-Batman. He's a weak, very unimposing man until he puts on the Scarecrow costume, and then goes out and gasses people with fear gas, and he watches them squirm. There's probably a big turn-on seeing people helpless in front of him screaming in fear. *'''PD''': When [[w:Tim Burton|Tim Burton]]'s ''[[Batman (1989 film)|Batman]]'' came out, that was the way to go. Now [[w:Joel Schumacher|Joel Schumacher]]'s [[Batman Forever|Batman]] is out there, and people are flocking to the movies, so they"re saying, "Can you lighten up the show a little bit? Can you have more fun with it?" So that's what we were charged with doing, and that's what we've done: to lighten up the color palette a little bit, so that every character's not just in dark colors. Robin, for instance, is now black, red, and gold, instead of green. Nightwing is black and a light, almost iridescent, blue. We've also given it a little more of a kid-friendly look. :* [[w:Paul Dini|Paul Dini]], [http://animationarena.com/batman_the_animated_series.html "Batman: The Animated Series"], ''Animation Arena''. * The thing with the Batman show—even though it's one of the most beautiful and well-written shows, and it really gets into Batman—is that it doesn't really move that fast. The fight scenes aren't that intense, and it doesn't really go actiony. There's a lot of walking and talking in it. It looks great, but it needs that kick of having action. And I think that's another thing that kids are picking up on: For the first time, you're actually seeing superheroes really fight bad guys. In a lot of the cartoons when I was growing up, like [[w:Super Friends|Super Friends]], there was no fighting of bad guys. They would just get sent off to jail. It was wacky, it was silly, it wasn't intense, and there wasn't real fighting and stuff in it. ** [[w:Craig McCracken|Craig McCracken]] [http://www.avclub.com/article/the-powerpuff-girls-13665 "The Powerpuff Girls"], Keith Phipps, ''A.V.Club'', Jun 21, 2000. == Cast == * [[Kevin Conroy]] - [[w:Batman|Bruce Wayne/Batman]] * [[w:Loren Lester|Loren Lester]] - [[w:Dick Grayson|Dick Grayson/Robin]] * [[w:Melissa Gilbert|Melissa Gilbert]] - [[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara Gordon/Batgirl]] * [[w:Clive Revill|Clive Revill]]/[[w:Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.|Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.]] - [[w:Alfred Pennyworth|Alfred Pennyworth]] * [[w:Bob Hastings|Bob Hastings]] - [[w:James Gordon (comics)|Commissioner James Gordon]] * [[w:Robert Costanzo|Robert Costanzo]] - [[w:Harvey Bullock (comics)|Detective Harvey Bullock]] * [[w:Ingrid Oliu|Ingrid Oliu]]/Liane Schirmer - [[w:Renee Montoya|Officer Renee Montoya]] * [[Mark Hamill]] - [[w:The Joker (comics)|The Joker]] * [[w:Arleen Sorkin|Arleen Sorkin]] - [[w:Harley Quinn|Dr. Harleen Quinzel/Harley Quinn]] * [[Paul Williams (songwriter)|Paul Williams]] - [[w:Penguin (comics)|Oswald Cobblepot/The Penguin]] * [[Adrienne Barbeau]] - [[w:Catwoman|Selina Kyle/Catwoman]] * [[w:John Glover (actor)|John Glover]] - [[w:Riddler|Edward Nygma/The Riddler]] * [[w:Richard Moll|Richard Moll]] - [[w:Two-Face (comics)|Harvey Dent/Two-Face]] * [[w:George Dzundza|George Dzundza]] - [[w:The Ventriloquist (comics)|Arnold Wesker/The Ventriloquist/Scarface]] * [[w:Henry Silva|Henry Silva]] - [[w:Bane (comics)|Bane]] * [[w:Aron Kincaid|Aron Kincaid]] - [[w:Killer Croc|Killer Croc]] * [[w:Marc Singer|Marc Singer]] - [[w:Man-Bat|Dr. Kirk Langstrom/Man-Bat]] * [[w:Ron Perlman|Ron Perlman]] - [[w:Clayface|Matt Hagen/Clayface]] * [[w:Diane Pershing|Diane Pershing]] - [[w:Poison Ivy (comics)|Dr. Pamela Isley/Poison Ivy]] * [[w:Henry Polic II|Henry Polic II]] - [[w:Scarecrow (DC comics)|Dr. Jonathan Crane/The Scarecrow]] * [[w:Roddy McDowall|Roddy McDowall]] - [[w:Mad Hatter|Dr. Jervis Tetch/The Mad Hatter]] * [[w:Michael Ansara|Michael Ansara]] - [[w:Mr. Freeze|Dr. Victor Freeze/Mr. Freeze]] * [[David Warner (actor)|David Warner]] - [[w:Ra's al Ghul|Ra's al Ghul]] ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} {{Batman}} [[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated superhero TV shows]] [[Category:Animated Batman TV shows]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Animated television programs based on Detective Comics]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Fox Broadcasting Company animated television series]] [[Category:Television series by Warner Bros. Animation]] sgl7akztbocv5zsbhthqzwxnoombutt 3778912 3778911 2025-07-14T22:39:47Z 81.151.41.137 /* The Cat And The Claw Part 1 [1.15] */ 3778912 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Batman-_The_Animated_Series_logo.svg|thumb|I am [[vengeance]]. I am the [[night]]. I am, '''[[Batman|BATMAN]]'''!]] {{italic title}} '''''[[W:Batman: The Animated Series|Batman: The Animated Series]]''''' is an American animated superhero television series based on the [[DC Comics]] superhero Batman. It was succeeded by ''[[The Adventures of Batman & Robin]]'' and ''[[The New Batman Adventures]]''; the first production in the [[w:DC Animated Universe|DC Animated Universe]]. ==Season 1== ===''On Leather Wings'' [1.1]=== :'''Batman''': ''[reading the paper]'' "Gotham Police Declare War on Batman"? :'''Alfred''': I gather you've been reading ''[[w:How to Win Friends and Influence People|How to Make Friends and Influence People]]''? :'''Batman''': Somebody's setting me up. :'''Alfred''': My heavens. You mean it ''wasn't'' you tossing guards out of windows last night? :'''Batman''': ''[amused]'' I only toss butlers, Alfred. <hr width='50%'/> :'''[[w:Rene Auberjonois|Dr. March]]''': You donate a few million, and you think you own the place. I understand I'm to analyse something for you? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Yeah, doc. See, I keep hearing squeaks in my chimney, and I found these in my empty fireplace. They look like hairs. I thought maybe you could tell me if I have a bat problem. :'''Dr. March''': And what if they are bats, Mr. Wayne? What then? Destroy them like insects? We won't survive the next evolutionary cataclysm, but bats will! They're survivors, Mr. Wayne, not pests! You should understand that! <hr width='50%'/> :'''Dr. Kirk Langstrom''': ''[enters laboratory upon hearing noises]'' Who's back there? ''[spots Batman]'' You...! :'''Batman''': I'm looking for Dr. March. :'''Langstrom''' He's not here, Batman. :'''Batman''': Where is he? :'''Langstrom''': Giving a lecture on human extinction and bat evolution. He's really quite brilliant. :'''Batman''': He's misguided, and a thief. ''[holds up a vial of the serum]'' :'''Langstrom''': He's just a theorist, he was afraid to put it to the test. But I wasn't. I knew he'd discovered a formula to create a totally new species, neither man nor bat. And once I started taking it, I couldn't stop. I desperately wanted to, but... ''it'' took over. Francine and March tried to protect me, but it was too late. The beast knew what chemicals were needed to bring itself about! It was out of my control! And it only needs one more component to complete the process! ''[voice lowering]'' It's in ''ME'', Batman! ''[laughs maniacally and begins to change into Man-Bat]'' <hr width='50%'/> :'''Bullock''': Let's go! :'''Lieutenant''': I can’t do it, sir! :'''Bullock''': Whaddaya mean "you can’t do it"?! :'''Lieutenant''': I just got word not to let you up without the Commissioner! :'''Bullock''': Who told you that?! :'''Lieutenant''': The Commissioner! ''[points at Gordon as he arrives]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Get out, Detective! The Mayor may not let me fire you, but I am ''not'' taking the heat for your fiasco! :'''Bullock''': This is my case, Commissioner! You heard the Mayor! :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Then why don't you go take it up with him?! I've got a job to do! If you wanna tag along, fine! ''[gets into the helicopter]'' Take her up, Lieutenant! :'''Bullock''': ''[trying to clamber in as it takes off]'' Hey! Wait for me! ===''Christmas With The Joker'' [1.2]=== :''[the Arkham Asylum inmates practice signing Jingle Bells as other inmates set up a giant Christmas tree]'' :'''Joker''': Jingle bells! Batman smells! Robin laid an egg! ''[gets a tree-topper and climbs to install it]'' The Batmobile lost a wheel and the Jo-ker got a-wa-a-a-ay! ''[attaches the ornament and the Christmas Tree ignites, revealed as a rocket. Joker clambers at it launches]'' Crashing through the roof! In a one-horse-open tree! Busting out I go! Laughing all the WHEEEEE! ''[the "rocket-tree" flies off into the distance as he sings]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the Christmas with the Joker show]'' :'''Joker''': Rumor has it, Christmas is a time to share with family. :'''Laugh track''': Yea! :'''Joker''': And since I don't have one of my own... :'''Laugh track''': Aww... :'''Joker''': I decided to STEAL one! :'''Laugh track''': Yea! :'''Joker''': And here they are: The Awful Lawful Family! ''[lights turn on and reveal Gordon, Summer, and Bullock tied up and gagged]'' Aren't they just the cutest family you've ever seen? :'''Batman''': ''[watching in the Batmobile]'' It's never easy with the Joker. :'''Joker''': Meet Daddy Lawful! ''[ungags Gordon]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': YOU DISEASED MANIAC! I'LL- ''[Joker gags him again]'' :'''Joker''': Hmm. Looks like I'll have to teach Daddy some manners. And here's Mommy Lawful! ''[ungags Summer]'' :'''Summer Gleason''': HELP! SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP US- ''[Joker gags her again]'' :'''Joker''': Ho ho ho, isn't she jolly? And here we have little Baby Lawful! Coochie coochie coo! ''[ungags Bullock]'' :'''Detective Bullock''': WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, I'LL RIP YOUR- ''[Joker gags him again]'' :'''Joker''': I'll bet Batman wishes he had a family just like mine. Personally I think relatives are a bore, so Batman can have them... ''[points to clock showing 10:30PM] if'' he can find them by midnight! Otherwise... ''[makes a throat-slashing motion and laughs]'' ===''Nothing To Fear'' [1.3]=== :''[Bruce is introduced to Dr. Long and he offers a handshake]'' :'''Dr. Long''': ''[looks at hand and pouts off]'' Your father and I attended university together. He had big plans for you. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Well, I guess he'd be pleased. Wayne Industries is more prosperous than ever. :'''Dr. Long''': Pleased? When your father was alive, Wayne was a name that commanded great respect. Now all Wayne stands for is a self-centered jet-setting playboy. It's lucky your father didn't live to see what you've done to his good name. He'd have died of shame. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Scarecrow sprays a security guard with gas]'' :'''Guard''': Stop! What the-- No! No, spiders! Get them offa me! No! NO! ''[cowers in fear]'' :'''Anthony''': What did you do to him, boss? :'''[[w:Scarecrow (DC Comics)|Scarecrow]]''': I merely helped him visualize his innermost terror, which is obviously [[w:arachnophobia|arachnophobia]]. :'''Nigel''': A-whack-a-what? :'''Scarecrow''': Arachnophobia! Fear of spiders, you dimwitted dropout! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': It seems I have underestimated the Batman, but at least the University is finished. :'''Anthony''': Gee, boss, I never liked school, but, uh, how come you hate the university so much? :'''Scarecrow''': They tried to destroy me. :'''Nigel''': You mean they kicked you out 'cause you weren't smart enough? :'''Scarecrow''': No, you simpleton! ''[pinches Nigel's broken nose]'' :'''Nigel''': Ow! :'''Scarecrow''': I taught there. I was a professor of psychology, specializing in phobias. Inducing terror has always intrigued me. Even as a boy, I loved to frighten things. People, animals, it was all the same. I became obsessed with fear's crippling power. Later, when I became their leading Professor of Subliminal Psychology at the University, I began performing experiments on fear and its subsequent effects. Dr. Long thought I went too far - he called me a lunatic. So now, they will learn the true nature of horror! :'''Anthony''': ''[to Nigel]'' Wow, he's a real professor. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman has been exposed to Scarecrow's fear toxin]'' :'''Thomas Wayne''': Bruce... :'''Batman''': No... not now... :'''Thomas Wayne''': You are a disgrace! ''[turns into the [[w:Grim Reaper|Grim Reaper]]]'' :'''Batman''': No... You are NOT my father. I am NOT a disgrace! I am vengeance, I am the night. I...AM...'''BATMAN!''' ===''The Last Laugh'' [1.4]=== :'''Summer Gleeson''': I'm here in Downtown Gotham where corporate CEOs have gone stark, raving mad. It would appear that the collapse of the stock market is now imminent. The question is: Will [[April Fools' Day]] mark the end of Gotham City as we know it? :'''Joker''': The only things gaining now are the laughing stocks! ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[After trapping Batman in a sealed garbage can]'' :'''Joker''': I just love these new Ziploc seals! We wouldn't want our little caged rodent to suffocate, so we'll just ''[draws a knife]'' PUNCH SOME AIRHOLES! ''[laughing, he stabs holes in the can, with Batman being forced to dodge each one]'' Okay, Captain! Give 'er the old heave-ho! ''[Captain Clown salutes and throws the can into the river, where it starts to flood and sink]'' Oops! Looks like our airholes are waterholes too! ''[smirking at the viewer]'' What a shame! ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Justice is served hot, Batman! You're going to melt just like a grilled-cheese sandwich! :''[The Joker tries to send Batman falling into the furnace with a cascade of garbage, but Batman escapes and swings to safety on his grappling hook]'' :'''Batman''': Justice ''will'' be served, Joker. :'''Joker''': Service with a SMILE?! ''[tosses a razor card at Batman, who dodges it just in time]'' :'''Batman''': Clean up your act, Joker. :'''Joker''': Oh, that's a joke, right? Batman finally told a joke! ''[laughing, the Joker draws another card and flings it, but Batman catches it with a smirk. With a gasp of shock, the Joker tries to flee, but gets his food caught on a cable and he ends up dangling over the furnace]'' BATMAN! YOU WOULDN'T LET ME FRY, WOULD YOU?! ''[Batman leans on the railing, pretending to consider it] '''BATMAN!''' [Batman pulls him up]'' ===''Pretty Poison'' [1.5]=== :'''Dent''': So, what do you think? :'''Bruce''': Does she have a sister? :'''Dent''': Nope. Pam's one of a kind. That's why I asked her to marry me. :'''Bruce''': ''[spits out his water upon hearing this]'' WHAT?! :'''Dent''': Yup, that's the page one headline. Hey... is it starting to get warm? :'''Bruce''': You're still flushed from that last kiss. Harvey, you just met her last week! :'''Dent''': And I already know she's the one. Gosh, it's hot in here... :'''Bruce''': Marriage is a major step, Harvs. Don't you think you're rushing it? :'''Dent''': No way. The moment I laid eyes on Pam, her love hit me right in the face. ''[falls right into the food he ordered]'' :'''Bruce''': ''[laughs]'' Harvey, you've lost your mind. Knock it off. ''[sees him unresponsive]'' Harv? Harvey! ''[Later sees Harvey carried into an ambulance and climbs inside]'' Hang on, Harvey. Hang on. <hr width=50%"/> :'''Bullock''': So what'd you put in this mousse?! :'''Chef''': Chocolate, sugar, eggs, cream... :'''Bullock''': STRYCHNINE?! :'''Chef''': No, no, no strychnine. But I added just a pinch of vanilla. :'''Bullock''': ''[turns to a waiter, frustrated]'' You know who did it?! TALK! :'''Waiter''': Hey, I just clean the dishes, okay? <hr width=50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[chuckles]'' Batman! A late night rendezvous? To what do I owe the honor? :'''Batman''': ''[struggling against Ivy's giant flytrap]'' Harvey Dent! :'''Poison Ivy''': Oh, the poor district attorney. I hear he's not expected to live. Oh, it's so sad... ''[feigns crying, which quickly turns to insane laughter]'' :'''Batman''': Why, Isley? :'''Poison Ivy''': Oh, please, call me Poison Ivy. You see, Harvey had to pay for his crime. :'''Batman''': What crime? :'''Poison Ivy''': Why, murder, of course! Plowing up a field of beautiful wildflowers for that silly penitentiary of his. This little rose would be extinct today if I hadn't saved my precious from those horrible bulldozers! The blood of those flowers are on his hands! ''[calms down after her tantrum]'' So his fate was sealed ''[applies lipstick]'' ...with a kiss. And now, so is yours. ''[Ivy's plant holds Batman still as she kisses him; he tries to spit away the poison]'' Oh, what's wrong? Afraid I have cooties? ''[laughs]'' Oh, now you've gone and hurt my feelings. Too bad. I was going to share the antidote with you. ''[opens a bottle and waves it under his nose]'' Lovely fragrance, don't you think? ''[applies a drop to her face]'' I call it "Rose From the Dead". <hr width=50%"/> :''[In a cell in Arkham]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': They can bury me in the ground, as deep as they like. But I'll grow back. ''[to her rose]'' We ''always'' grow back. Don't we, baby? ===''The Underdwellers'' [1.6]=== :'''Sewer King''': Lesson number one is: NOOOOO TAAAALKING! Children are to be seen and not heard. We are the Underdwellers. We are the silent ones. We follow the invisible creed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sewer King''': Frog! The rolls, if you please. :''[Another boy nervously steps over with them; the Sewer King grabs his wrist angrily]'' :'''Sewer King''': You're not Frog! Where is he?! He's not here! ''[smacks the bowl of rolls away]'' NOT HERE! And after all I've done for you ungrateful little monsters! I took you in when nobody else would have you! It is I who care for you! I who provide for you! And only I WHO KNOWS WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU! Would you rather I sent you back into the light? Back to those who hurt you, and sent you away? :''[The children tearfully shake their heads; the Sewer King pushes the dinner table over with a loud crash]'' :'''Sewer King''': THERE WILL BE NOTHING TO EAT UNTIL FROG IS FOUND! NOW OUT WITH YOU! ''OUT WITH YOU!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I don't know what kind of barbarian did this to you, but it's over. And from now on, you'll be treated like human beings. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sewer King''': ''[clapping]'' Bravo. Bravo. You've caused me great distress, you evil bat, yes, yes, yes, you have! You've hurt my pretty pets, and you've frightened my beloved children! :'''Batman''': ''[incredulous and disgusted]'' "Beloved children"?! :'''Sewer King''': Yes! I feed them, I clothe them, I discipline them, and I teach them a trade! And now, I will teach ''you'' something! :''[He stamps on Batman's hands, but Batman swings under the pipe and kicks him from behind, causing him to fall off]'' :'''Batman''': Grab my hand! :'''Sewer King''': ''NEVER!'' :''[He falls into the water, where the alligators close in and seemingly devour him]'' :'''Batman''': A gruesome fate for a gruesome man. :''[He hears the Sewer King laughing, and sees him with the alligators, unharmed]'' :'''Sewer King''': I rather enjoyed it! I told you, they're my pretties! ''[pets one, laughing]'' Have a nice swim! :''[Batman swings over to chase him, narrowly missing the alligators' jaws]'' :'''Batman''': Later. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman pulls the Sewer King out of the way of an oncoming train]'' :'''Sewer King''': Why? Why?! ''Why?!'' :'''Batman''': ''[seething with anger]'' I don't pass sentence. That's for the courts. But this time - ''this time'' - I am ''sorely tempted'' to do the job myself! ===''P.O.V.'' [1.7]=== :''[after Batman grapples up a crane with Officer Montoya to safety]'' :'''Batman''': Are you alright? :''[Machine gun bullets hit around Batman and Officer Montoya, causing both of them to duck]'' :'''Officer Montoya''': Dandy. :'''Batman''': Then don't go away. :'''Officer Montoya''': ''[Batman leaves as more machine gun bullets hit. Montoya stays down]'' Count on it. <hr width="50%"/> :''[after Commissioner Gordon congratulates Officer Montoya for foiling the dock heist with Batman's aid]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': I have to hand it to you, Montoya. You and the Batman really turned this thing around. :'''Patrolman Wilkes''': Yeah, what a [[wikt:collar|collar]]! You didn't just bust 'em, you put the whole gang out of commission. ''[Lieutenant Hackle appears to accuse Montoya]'' :'''Lieutenant Hackle''': What collar? She's suspended! ''[Gordon angrily grabs Heckle]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': This [[wikt:farce|farce]] has gone far enough, Hackle! We apprehended the suspects and recovered our money. The investigation is closed! ''[He grabs three confiscated police badges out of Hackle's suit pocket and shoves him aside. He hands the badges to Officer Montoya]'' Officer Montoya earned this collar. :'''Officer Montoya''': The collar belongs to all three of us, Commissioner. It was a team effort. ''[Montoya accepts hers and hands Wilkes back his badge]'' :'''Patrolman Wilkes''': Gee... thanks, partner! :'''Detective Bullock''': ''[grumbling under his breath]'' Yeah, yeah... :'''Officer Montoya''': What was that, Bullock? ''[happily gives badge to Bullock]'' :'''Detective Bullock''': ''[reluctantly hesitates, accepts his badge]'' I said... Thanks a lot, Montoya. ===''The Forgotten'' [1.8]=== :'''Bruce''': What is this? :'''Smith''': If it's moving, it's a rat. If it isn't, it's a cooked rat. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': ''[Alfred flies the Batwing to the tracking device's location]'' This must be the place! Bring us down! :'''Batwing Computer''': Negative. :'''Alfred''': ''[pressing buttons madly]'' But Master Bruce is down there! We HAVE to land! :'''Computer''': Impossible. Area too confined. :'''Alfred''': ''[pounds the console]'' Land, you bucket of bolts! :'''Computer''': Your funeral. :'''Alfred''': Oh, dear...! ''[The Batwing flies down abruptly. Bruce, escaping the mine, sees the Batwing fly over]'' :'''Bruce''': ''[Smiles]'' Son of a gun! :''[The Batwing reaches a flat area near Bruce and lands. The cockpit opens.]'' :'''Computer''': Watch your step. :'''Alfred''': ''[tumbles out, dazed]'' [[w:Juan Rodriguez Cabrillo|I-I-I claim this land... for Spain]]. ''[collapses]'' ===''Be A Clown'' [1.9]=== :'''Jordan''': How can I get to be a great magician like you, Jekko? :'''"Jekko"''': Well, there are three steps! Step one: run away. Step two: find a magician with a great act. And step three: ''steal it.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Summer Gleason''': ''[reporting on TV]'' Denying reports of a bomb blast at his son's birthday party, Mayor Hill insists the explosion was caused by faulty electrical wiring. :'''"Jekko"''': Yeah! RIGHT! ''[laughs]'' :'''Summer Gleason''': The Mayor declined, however, to confirm that his son Jordan was missing. :'''"Jekko"''': Missing? :'''Jordan''': ''[coming into view]'' It's me, Jekko. I ran away. :'''"Jekko"''': You did '''WHAT?!?''' :'''Jordan''': I want to be a magician, like you. :'''"Jekko"''': Why, you... ''[laughs]'' Well, kid, you got step one right! Come on in. I've been thinking about a protégé. <hr width="50%"/> :'''"Jekko"''': ''[sees Batman approaching on a monitor]'' Well, if it ain't the Caped Coconut... :'''Jordan''': My dad says Batman's no good. :'''"Jekko"''': Well, then I guess your dad's not a ''total'' idiot! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman is trapped inside a tank filled with water, complete with a straitjacket and leg restraints]'' :'''"Jekko"''': For your viewing pleasure, we present... the infamous water tank trap! The great [[w:Harry Houdini|Houdini]] survived such a test. Dare we demand less of the Batman?! :'''Jordan''': I don't like this, Jekko... :'''"Jekko"''': Quiet, kid, it's a free ticket. :''[Batman manages to free the sleeves of the jacket]'' :'''Jordan''': ''[clapping]'' He did it! He got free! :'''"Jekko"''': They don't make straitjackets like they used to. ''[grinning]'' I should know... :''[Batman wriggles out of the jacket and undoes the leg restraints, but struggles to break the glass]'' :'''Jordan''': He can't get out! What's the trick? :'''"Jekko"''': That's just it! THERE IS NO TRICK! :'''Jordan''': No! He'll drown! :''[Jordan grabs an axe and strikes the side of the tank to try and free Batman, but "Jekko" takes the axe away]'' :'''"Jekko"/Joker''': That's why they call it the FINALE! ''[throws down the axe and discards his "Jekko the Clown" mask]'' Now sit down and enjoy the show! ===''Two-Face Part 1'' [1.10]=== :'''[[w:John Vernon|Rupert Thorne]]''': All men have something to hide. The brighter the picture, the darker the negative. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Dent's raid on Thorne has been aborted by the judge due to supposed lack of reliable evidence]'' :'''Dent''': No! NO! '''I SPENT ''THREE MONTHS'' ON THAT RAID!''' He can't overturn! The fool! HE'S ''BEEN BOUGHT! LIKE ALL THE REST!'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[tries to restrain him]'' Harvey, please try to calm down. This sort of behavior doesn't run well with the voters- :'''Dent''': ''LET GO OF ME, YOU RICH TWIT!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dent''': Stealing someone's psychiatric file is pretty low, Thorne! Even for a swine like you! :'''Rupert Thorne''': But it makes for such fascinating reading. Listen to this, boys. Says here that when Harvey was a little boy, he was bothered by a bully. Every day the bully would bug him after school, until one day little Harvey got so mad, he slugged him one. :'''Thorne's Thugs''': Oooh! :'''Rupert Thorne''': Of course, the bully ran away, which made little Harvey very proud. Until he heard that the bully was in the hospital. :'''Candace''': That was some punch. :'''Rupert Thorne''': ''[chuckles]'' That's what Harvey thought. Except the guy was in the hospital for appendicitis! ''[chuckles again]'' But poor Harvey felt so guilty, he never showed his anger again. And that was the start of "Big Bad Harv". :'''Dent''': What do you want? :'''Rupert Thorne''': Just a few favors from the D.A.'s office. :'''Dent''': You're dreaming. :'''Rupert Thorne''': Otherwise, as a concerned citizen, I'd be compelled to give this to the press. After all, the people of Gotham have a right to know the kind of person... or should I say "persons", they've elected. So, what do you say, Harvey? Do we have a deal? :''[Harvey's face has contorted in building rage the entire time, but suddenly relaxes into deceptive docility]'' :'''Dent''': There's just one problem. :'''Rupert Thorne''': What's that? :'''Dent''': ''[in Big Bad Harv's voice]'' '''''You're talking to the wrong Harvey.''''' ===''Two-Face Part 2'' [1.11]=== :''[In a nightmare, Harvey is being chased by a dark shadow. He suddenly realizes he is standing on a collapsing wooden bridge]'' :'''Harvey Dent''': Stay back! ''[the shadow reveals itself to be Batman, pleading for Harvey's help]'' :'''Batman''': Harvey, please, let me help you! :'''Harvey Dent''': You?! You saw what was happening! You knew that something was terribly wrong with me! I thought you were my friend! You should have been able to help me--but you didn't! ''[Harvey covers his face with his two hands, now transformed into Two-Face]'' :'''Two-Face''': ''NOW LOOK AT ME!!'' :'''Batman''': But I tried, Harvey. I... ''[the bridge pulls itself apart, causing Two-Face to fall off]'' Harvey! :'''Two-Face''': ''[Plummets into an abyss of glowing red light] WHY COULDN'T YOU SAVE ME...?!!'' :''[Batman looks down the edge and gasps with horrified shock. He instead sees his late parents Thomas and Martha Wayne underneath a single lamppost. They both raise their heads in sadness]'' :'''Thomas Wayne''': Why couldn't you save us, son? :''[Bruce wakes up, sweating with fear. He then turns to a photo of Two-Face from a newspaper]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': So what are you dreaming tonight, Harvey? Peaceful dreams? Nightmares? Maybe both at once. Sleep well, my friend. Whether you are, whatever you've become... I ''will'' save you. I swear. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Two-Face''': This is my world now. A dichotomy of order and chaos - just like me. :'''Grace''': Harvey, what's happened to your mind, your feelings? You used to listen to your feelings. :'''Two-Face''': ''[flipping his coin]'' This is what I listen to now. ''Chance,'' Grace. Chance is everything. Whether you're born or not, whether you live or die, whether you're good or bad... it's all arbitrary. :'''Grace''': That's nonsense, Harvey. Was it chance that made you District Attorney? Was it chance that made you fall in love with me? Take control of your life, Harvey. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Two-Face grabs a tommy gun and aims at a defenceless Thorne]'' :'''Rupert Thorne''': No! Two-Face, don't! ''[to Batman]'' You can't let him! :'''Grace''': Harvey! What are you doing?! :'''Two-Face''': Taking control of my life. :'''Batman''': Let the law handle it. :'''Two-Face''': "The law"?! ''[takes out his coin]'' Here's the only law! The law of averages! The great equalizer! :''[Two-Face flips the coin, but Batman throws out a crate of other coins, and Two-Face's is lost among them as they spill out]'' :'''Two-Face''': ''[horrified and panicked]'' NO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! ''[searches through them frantically]'' My coin! Where is it?! I can't decide without...! Oh no, it's ''gotta'' be here, it's ''gotta! [shrieks with anguish]'' '''''I HAVE TO HAVE IT!!!''''' :''[He continues to scream, swiping the coins aside before collapsing in tears; Grace gently comforts him]'' :'''Grace''': It's all right now, Harvey. I'm here. ===''It's Never Too Late'' [1.12]=== :'''Father Michael Stromwell''': Arnold? That's one soul I wish I could give up on. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arnold Stromwell''': I don't need your help! :'''Michael Stromwell''': Is that a fact? An empire crumbling? A marriage shattered? A son lost? Sure, you're doing fine. ===''I've Got Batman In My Basement'' [1.13]=== :''[after Penguin's goons successfully steal a [[w:Fabergé egg|Fabergé egg]] on a tall building]'' :'''Goon 1''': ''[chuckles]'' A piece of cake, just like the boss said. :'''Goon 2''': Yeah, all it took was five minutes. ''[Batman makes his surprise appearance to the goons]'' :'''Batman''': And that'll get you five ''years''... ''[pause]'' with good behavior. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Be-fowled by a couple of fledgelings! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Grant''': Sherman, what are you doing down there? :'''Sherman''': Nothing, Mom! :'''Mrs. Grant''': You're not trying to make gunpowder again, are you? :'''Sherman''': No, Mom! Honest! :'''Roberta''': We just saved Batman's life, Mrs. Grant, and now we're hiding him from some bad criminals. :'''Mrs. Grant''': That's good, just don't make a mess. ''[leaves]'' :'''Sherman''': Nice going, Miss Big Mouth. :'''Roberta''': ''[shrugging]'' Sorry, Sherman, I guess I panicked. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Gentlemen - and I use the term loosely - after you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Eurgh, how bourgeois. Tearing this place apart could only improve it! Let the egg hunt begin! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Grant''': Young man, you've got some serious explaining to do! ''[sees Batman and the defeated Penguin and gasps]'' :'''Sherman''': Err, Mom, I'd like you to meet Batman. Batman, this is my mom. :'''Batman''': Ma'am. :'''Mrs. Grant''': Oh, hello... :'''Sherman''': Say, Batman, you wouldn't be single, would you? ===''[[w:Heart of Ice (Batman: The Animated Series)|Heart of Ice]]'' [1.14]=== :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[gazes at the ballerina snow globe]'' This is how I'll always remember you. Surrounded by [[winter]] forever young, forever beautiful. Rest well, my love. The monster who took you from me will soon learn that [[revenge]] is a dish... ''[opens his eyes through his red goggles]'' best served '''cold'''. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman infiltrates an office in GothCorp headquarters and sees a classified file with a videotape and medical records of a woman named Nora Fries. He plays the tape on a nearby VCR]'' :'''Victor Fries''': ''[on the tape]'' My name is Doctor Victor Fries. I am recording what I pray would be mankind's first step toward immortality. ''[camera pans to a large machine with a glass capsule and a woman inside it]'' Behind me, you see the CC-100, a cryogenic freezing chamber of my own design. I created it for the express purpose of freezing subjects stricken with inoperable ailments. Subjects like... my own beloved wife, Nora. Once a remedy has been found-- ''[reacts to a loud banging on the door]'' :'''Ferris Boyle''': ''[Behind the door]'' Open this door! Open it now! ''[A security guard kicks the door down, Ferris and another guard step into the room. Boyle confronts Fries angrily.]'' Get away from that equipment! ''[Orders his guards]'' Shut this stuff down. :'''Fries''': ''[Panicked]'' Stop! This is my experiment! :'''Boyle''': Your ''unauthorized'' experiment. I ordered funding suspended weeks ago! I'm already three million in debt thanks to you! :'''Fries''': You can't stop it now! My wife is in there! :'''Boyle''': So bring her out! :'''Fries''': You can't interrupt the process now! :'''Boyle''': ''[unmoved; to guard]'' Open it. :'''Fries''': ''[desperately holds on to Boyle]'' It's her only chance! :'''Boyle''': ''[shrugs off Fries]'' This is MY equipment! ''MINE!'' I have every legal right to use it or not use it as I see fit. I say this project ends ''now!'' :'''Fries''': ''[grabs pistol from security guard and aims it at Ferris]'' '''NO!''' Stay away from her, murderer! :'''Boyle''': ''[tries to act charming to Fries]'' Victor... I'm sorry... I lost my temper. It doesn't have to come to this. We can talk! ''[Fries calms down and Boyle kicks him into a table of cryonic chemicals. Victor screams in pain as the cloud of volatile chemicals engulf him. Boyle steps away in fear and runs out of the room with his guards]'' Get out. Get out! :'''Fries''': ''[Clinging to his freezing chamber, screaming through the glass] Nora! NORA...! [passes out. The tape ends]'' :'''Batman''': ''[Horrified]'' My God! :''[A voice rings out--it's Mr. Freeze, who just snuck in the room]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': Yes. It would move me to tears, if I still had tears to shed. ''[freezes Batman with his cryo-gun]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mr. Freeze raids the award ceremony and confronts Ferris Boyle, who is receiving a humanitarian award]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': The cold eyes of vengeance are upon you, Boyle. :'''Ferris Boyle''': Who...who ''are'' you?! :'''Mr. Freeze''': Come, now. Surely you remember your old colleague... Victor Fries? :''[Mr. Freeze aims and fires his freezing gun at Boyle's feet, ice slowly covering up his legs to his waist]'' :'''Boyle''': ''[cries in pain]'' NO! No...! Stop... please... I... b-beg you! ''[Mr. Freeze stops his freezing gun for a moment of clarity]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': You... ''beg?'' In my nightmares I see my Nora behind the glass, begging to me with frozen eyes. How I've longed to see that look frozen on you. :''[Batman batarangs Mr Freeze's cryo-gun and attacks him. Mr Freeze overpowers Batman and throws him off]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': The advanced circuitry that powers my suit also triples my strength! ''[engages Batman, and lifts him off the ground]'' Sooner or later, all who stand in my way must feel the icy touch of death! :''[Mr. Freeze is about to kill Batman, but collapses when Batman smashes his glass helmet with a thermos full of chicken soup given to him by Alfred earlier]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': ''[walks next to Batman]'' Ooh...! What was that stuff? :'''Batman''': The only way to fight a cold. :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[as his suit falters]'' It can't end this way... vengeance...! :'''Batman''': No, ''justice''. A year ago, Ferris Boyle interrupted an experiment, and in the process destroyed two lives. ''[gives Summer Gleeson the tape he found]'' Here's the evidence. ''[walks to a still shivering Boyle; he sneers at Boyle with disgust]'' Good night, humanitarian! ''[walks off]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mr. Freeze is in his subzero cell in Arkham Asylum, gazing into his ballerina snow globe]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': I failed you. I wish there were another way for me to say it... but I cannot. ''[Tears silently slide down his face]'' I can only beg your [[forgiveness]] and pray you hear me somehow, someplace. Someplace... where a warm hand waits for mine. ===''The Cat And The Claw Part 1'' [1.15]=== :'''Stern''': Now if you'll excuse me, I've given you all the time I can spare. :'''Selina Kyle''': You'll find more time for me, Mr. Stern. Before I'm through, I'll have every environmental group and animal rights activist breathing down your neck. They'll be looking at you and your project so closely, you'll feel like a bug in a bell-jar. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You're late. :'''Mob Boss''': Can't you walk up to someone normal-like? :'''Batman''': I hear you have some information. :'''Mob Boss''': Under one condition: Lay off the South Side. :'''Batman''': Keep this up, and I'll be on you from ''all'' sides. North, south, east, and west. ===''The Cat And The Claw Part 2'' [1.16]=== :'''Batman''': Red Claw? A woman? :'''[[W:Red_Claw|Red Claw]]''': Do you have a problem with that, Batman? :'''Batman''': Not at all. I'm an equal opportunity crime fighter! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I didn't want you taken away like a common criminal. :'''Catwoman''': So you do care. :'''Batman''': ''[handcuffing her]'' More than you'll ever know. ===''See No Evil'' [1.17]=== :'''Lloyd Ventrix''': See you 'round, Batman! Too bad you can't say the same! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Ventrix, the suit! It's poison! :'''Ventrix''': So what if it is?! I don't care! As long as I have it, I can take my daughter back whenever I want! Her mother won't stop me, AND NEITHER WILL YOU! ===''Beware The Gray Ghost'' [1.18]=== :''[At a video shop, Bruce Wayne asks for Gray Ghost films]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': I'd like the ''Gray Ghost''. :'''Store Clerk''': ''[smirks and walks away]'' Hmm. Name something else. :'''Wayne''': You said you had everything. :'''Store Clerk''': Except the ''Gray Ghost''! Nobody has it! The studio that made the show, Spectra? It burned down 20 years ago. The negatives all went up like kindling, real shame. :'''Wayne''': So the ''Gray Ghost'' doesn't exist? :'''Clerk''': Not anymore. Sorry, pal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Simon Trent''': ''[Hands Batman a film reel with the key the mystery]'' Here's your answer, take it and go! :'''Batman''': I used to admire what the Gray Ghost stood for... :'''Simon Trent''': I'm not the Gray Ghost! :'''Batman''': ''[coldly]'' I can see that now. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the launch of the Gray Ghost videos]'' :'''Bruce''': Could you make this out to 'Bruce'? :'''Gray Ghost''': ''[signing autograph]'' Here you are, Bruce. :'''Bruce''': Thanks. As a kid, I used to watch you with my father. The Gray Ghost was my hero. :'''Gray Ghost''': ''[realizing]'' Really... :'''Bruce''': ''[smiling]'' And he still is. ===''Prophecy Of Doom'' [1.19]=== :'''Nostromos''': I predict... you and I are about to become rich as pigs! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lucas''': No one could've predicted Batman would spot me. Not even the great Nostromos. Besides, how do you know Wayne survived? :'''Nostromos''': The news said he got off the elevator right before it fell, you pathetic amateur! :'''Lucas''': Well, you didn't predict he would ''die'', exactly... ===''Feat Of Clay Part 1'' [1.20]=== :''[About Matt Hagen's repeated use of "Renuyu" to restore his disfigured face]'' :'''Teddy Lupus''': You can't go on like this, Matt. You hurt all the time now. :'''[[w:Clayface|Matt Hagen]]''': ''[irritated]'' You're just my stand-in, Lupus. Nobody promoted you to nursemaid! :'''Lupus''': That stuff makes your face like putty, Matt; it can't be good for ya. :'''Hagen''': It probably ain't good for me. But unless I only want to do ''horror'' pictures, it ain't bad for me either. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Listen up, scumwad, 'cause I'm only gonna ask you once. Who was Lucius Fox meeting at the tram? :'''Raymond Bell''': Wayne... Bruce Wayne! :'''Batman''': You lying sleaze! You wanna rethink that answer? ===''Feat Of Clay Part 2'' [1.21]=== :'''Clayface''': ''[testing his new shapeshifting powers]'' The formula must have soaked every cell in my body. :'''Teddy Lupus''': It's.... It's some kind of miracle! ''[sees Matt change back into Clayface]'' Wha... What are you doing? :'''Clayface''': No. No! You broke my concentration! It won't work, don't you see?! It's too hard! It's like tensing a muscle - I can't keep it up for long! MY CAREER, MY ''LIFE'' - IT ''IS'' GONE! AND I CAN NEVER GET IT BACK! ''[In his rage, Clayface destroys several things in the trailer]'' I'm not an actor anymore! I'm not even... a ''man''! ''[Sobs softly]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Clayface''': Not even the Batman could stop me, Teddy. And that means ''Daggett'' won't have a prayer. :'''Teddy''': Matt, please, you don't wanna do anything crazy. Why don't you try to get some shuteye? :'''Clayface''': ''[growls]'' DON'T YOU DARE PATRONIZE ME!!! I told you I don't need rest! I don't need food! AND I DON'T NEED YOU!!!! ''[grabs Teddy and throws him to a bookcase then walks out the door]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Roland Daggett is at a talk show talking about Renuyu facial cream and the host entertains audience questions]'' :'''Woman''': I'd like to ask Mr. Daggett about the rumors I've heard. I hear he's selling Renuyu through direct marketing because stores won't carry it due to its harmful side effects. :'''[[w:Roland Daggett|Roland Daggett]]''': Well that's, uh, absolutely untrue- :'''Woman''': ''[stands up and approaches him]'' What about the addictive properties of Renuyu, Mr. Daggett? Once you're hooked, you can't stop using it without horrible...''pain''! :'''Daggett''': No! I mean... That's just not so! :'''Woman''': Why don't you show them what an ''overdose'' can do, Daggett?! Why don't you tell them ''[voices goes deeper]'' about ME?! ''[transforms into Clayface]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Batman tricks Clayface into confronting him in a recording room, where he turns multiple screens showing headshots of Clayface's past roles]'' :'''Clayface''': What are you doing?! Stop it! :'''Batman''': Look at them, Hagan. Look at what you used to be. :'''Clayface''': No, no! Turn them off! :'''Batman''': You can play those roles again, Hagan. Let me help you find a cure. :'''Clayface''': ''[begins to shapeshift into his past roles]'' No! Hagan's gone! Make him stop haunting me! ''[begins to uncontrollably shapeshift into his past roles]'' Stop it! Turn them off! I can't control it! I can't be all of them! Not all at once! :''[Batman tries to turn on some more screens, but Clayface knocks him out of the way and smashes the control panels; Clayface yanks off one of the screens and throws it at Batman, who dodges; the screen hits the big screen, causing an explosion; the police arrive to see Clayface in his shapeshifting seizure as he shifts his face into Bruce Wayne]'' :'''Officer''': Mother of mercy! It looks just like Bruce Wayne! :''[Clayface punches through two screens, electrocuting him and reverting back into his true form and he topples over; Batman walks up to Clayface]'' :'''Clayface''': ''[morphs into Matt Hagan]'' You know what I'd have given for a death scene like this? ''[morphs into his scarred form]'' Too bad I won't get to... read the notices. ''[faints and reverts back to his true form.]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Lucius Fox''': I'm just glad to know it wasn't really Bruce Wayne who attacked me. :'''Summer Gleeson''': Thank you, Mr. Fox. All charges against Wayne have, of course, been dropped. And Roland Daggett remains in custody. :''[as Alfred turns off the TV, Batman is experimenting with a piece of Clayface's clay]'' :'''Alfred''': My word, sir. I should think after all this, it would time to rest. :'''Batman''': Look. A piece of clay left behind when they took Hagan's body away. Watch. ''[zaps the clay with electricity, causing it to morph into multiple shapes]'' :'''Alfred''': Electricity has no effect on it? :'''Batman''': Exactly. ''[scene changes to a morgue where a doctor uncovers Clayface's body; voice-over]'' I wouldn't be surprised if the body they took to the morgue was only a shell ''[Clayface's body cracks and crumbles into little pieces]'' Don't forget, first and foremost, Hagan was an actor. ''[scene changes to Teddy outside the hospital]'' He said it himself, Alfred. He called it a scene. Maybe the greatest scene in his career. :'''Teddy''': ''[sadly]'' See you 'round, Matt. ''[walks away]'' :'''Batman''': A death scene so real... it fooled us all. :''[a woman laughs maniacally as her voice grows deeper and her eyes turn yellow, revealing her to be a disguised Clayface]'' ===''Joker's Favor'' [1.22]=== :'''[[w:Joker (comics)|Joker]]''': ''[tosses two pennies on the ground]'' There's your two cents. Now, what are you going to do to me? :'''Charlie''': Listen.... I... O'm sorry, really! I.... I had a bad day. Boss turned down my raise, and... :'''Joker''': Now look, my rude friend! We can't have people cursing at each other on the freeway. It's simply ''not polite''! ''[jumps down and grabs him]'' I'm just going to have to teach you some manners. ''[reaches into his coat]'' :'''Charlie''': Please don't! I have a family, a wife, a little boy! Please! I'll do anything to make it up! Anything! :'''Joker''': Anything, says you? ''[Charlie nods; Joker releases him]'' Okee-dokee! Wallet. :'''Charlie''': Uh, okay. I don't have much cash. :'''Joker''': Oh, please! Don't insult me! ''[takes out driver's license]'' Charles Michael Collins. That's you! Tsk tsk, lousy picture, though. Lousy! Address, height, weight, blah blah blah. ''[tosses the wallet back and keeps the license]'' Righty-o, Chuckers! Here's the deal. I'll let you off if you promise to do a little favor for me. :'''Charlie''': Okay. What? :'''Joker''': ''I DON'T KNOW! I HAVEN'T THOUGHT OF IT YET!'' You just toddle on back to your mundane, meaningless little life, and when I need you, I'll call. Fair? Good? Great! I'll be in touch. ''[walks away, laughing maniacally]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Charlie''': Hello? :'''Joker''': Hello, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': Wrong number, pal. My name is Don. :'''Joker''': Oh, no, no, no. This IS the right number, Charles Michael Collins. Oh, I don't know why you changed your name to Don Wallace and moved your family to 12 Marigold Lane, Springdale, Ohio. One might think you were trying to skip out on our little deal. ''[to Harley Quinn]'' Leave the sideburns. :'''Charlie''': Uh... how did you find me? :'''Joker''': Oh, I never lost you, Chaz. You've become my... HOBBY!! ''[laughs maniacally]'' Now, listen up, Charlie Brown. You're booked on the next flight to Gotham. Tell the family you have to visit a sick friend. Oh, and let's keep this to ourselves, 'kay? Bad things happen to people who gossip, capisce, Carlo? ''[Charlie looks out the window to see Joker's henchmen pull up to his house]'' :'''Charlie''': Yeah... :'''Joker''': Good! See ya! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': You miserable little ''nobody!'' If I get caught, your wife and son are history! :'''Charlie''': You're not getting caught. Not this time. I found this blown out of the van. :''[He pulls one of the Joker's bombs from his jacket, and the Joker looks shocked and afraid]'' :'''Charlie''': This is how it ends, Joker. No big schemes, no grand fight to the finish with the Dark Knight. Tomorrow, all the papers will say is that the great Joker was found blown to bits in an alley, alongside a "miserable little nobody"! ''[chuckles]'' Kinda funny. Ironic, really. See? I can destroy a man's dreams too! And that's really the only dream you've got, isn't it?! :'''Joker''': ''[still scared]'' Look, Charlie, you've had a busy day! All this running around, all this excitement with... ''[yelling out desperately]'' '''''BATMAN!''''' Stop! You... you're crazy! :'''Charlie''': I had a good teacher! ''[chuckles]'' Say goodnight, Gracie! :'''Joker''': ''[terrified, trying to crawl away]'' NO! '''BATMAN! ''BATMAN!''''' ''[sees Batman in the shadows, and gasps with relief and annoyance]'' How long have you been there?! :'''Batman''': Long enough. Put it down, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': You know he'll just escape again! This is the only way my family stays safe! :'''Joker''': All right, you win! Take it easy! ''[surrenders his notebook to Batman]'' Here's everything on his blasted family - names, addresses, it's all there! You're no fun anymore, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': Hey, Joker! ''[throws the bomb at the Joker, who cowers behind Batman - only for the "bomb" to release harmless confetti]'' Gotcha! :''[Batman lets out a short laugh]'' :'''Joker''': ''[dryly]'' Oh, very funny. A million laughs. :'''Batman''': Go home, Mr. Collins. :'''Charlie''': Home. I never thought that could sound so good. I wonder what Bonnie's making for dinner. Right now, anything would taste great. Even meatloaf. ===''Vendetta'' [1.23]=== :'''Batman''': Here's how it works, slimeball. I have questions, and if you have answers, I'll leave you alone. :'''Rupert Thorne''': Oh, I have plenty of answers... thirty-eight caliber answers. Now then, you were saying? :'''Batman''': ''[Using Thorne as a shield]'' I was saying, you'd better hope your men are ''very'' good shots. It's too hot in here. Let's get some air. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Killer Croc''': Terrific. Just what I need now. The freak job in the cape. :'''Batman''': You're no prize yourself. :'''Killer Croc''': ''[strangling Batman]'' What can I tell you now? Being a reptile man ain't pretty... but it's got its upside. Like having the strength of a crocodile, for instance! But I guess you've learned that by now, huh? ''[forcing Batman into the water]'' The hard way. You know, they used to call "Killer Croc" the meanest dude in the Wrestling Federation. Now they'll call him the guy who iced the Batman! :'''Batman''': ''[flip-kicks Killer Croc really hard and gets out of the water]'' Don't hold your breath. ===''Fear Of Victory'' [1.24]=== :'''Mr. Lucky''': Lost? You have that bewildered look, but your sort always does. :'''Thug''': ''[grabs him threateningly]'' I ain't lost. I'm lookin' for you! I wanna know how come you always win, Mr. Lucky. :'''Mr. Lucky''': It's quite simple, actually. I fix the games. :'''Thug''': You can't fix ''all'' those sports. Nobody can! :'''Mr. Lucky''': Oh, ye of little brain, allow me to illustrate. ''[hands the thug an envelope laced in fear toxin]'' Here. You can read, can't you? :'''Thug''': ''[reads it]'' "Boo!" Hey, is this some kinda joke? :'''Mr. Lucky''': It's no joke, I assure you. It's the fear of victory, and the agony of... ''[the thug pulls Mr. Lucky out of the shadows, revealing his true identity]'' '''the Scarecrow!''' :''[The thug gasps in fear, now a victim of his toxin]'' :'''Scarecrow''': So now you understand Step One in how I fix an athletic contest. ''[Scarecrow comes closer to the thug, causing him to fall into some stacks of hay]'' I shall proceed to Step Two! ''[chuckles evilly]'' :'''Thug''': No! NO! GET AWAY! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': There's enough powder in that helmet to panic a pachyderm! He should be postering himself, crying for mercy! :'''Batman''': Change of luck, Scarecrow? :'''Scarecrow''': YOU! :'''Batman''': You're aware that gambling is illegal in Gotham? :'''Scarecrow''': I need the money, Batman! You know the cost of chemicals these days. And it will take much more than this to bring every pathetic person in Gotham to their knees, kissing my feet! ''[reveals a vial of his fear chemical and dangles it above the crowd]'' No closer, Batman! Unless you want a stampede of half-crazed humanity crushing and clawing each other! Now... what guarantee do I have you won't follow me? :'''Batman''': You have my word, Scarecrow. Just don't drop the vial. :'''Scarecrow''': Actually, Batman, I'd prefer a little insurance that you'll be otherwise occupied! ''[drops it]'' ===''The Clock King'' [1.25]=== :'''Fugate''': (after judgment has been passed) No! You can't! I'll be ruined! :'''Judge''': Then perhaps this will teach you to be on time for a change. :'''Batman''': What kind of a saboteur uses a six-thousand dollar Metronex to set a time bomb? :'''Alfred''': A saboteur with too much money? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman:''' Hold it! :'''Fugate:''' Well, well. The Batman. It's about time you showed up! I suppose you want to know why I've brought Downtown Gotham to a standstill, Batman. Hm? Well, let's just say it's because I'm a civic minded citizen with a lot of time on his hands. :'''Batman''': I want some answers, wise guy. Talk! :'''Fugate''': A pity. I don't know what to tell you, Batman - except perhaps that the 9:15 is always six minutes early. :''(He falls off the building and lands safely on the roof of an oncoming train as it speeds away)'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mayor Hill is tied to the hands of a huge clock]'' :'''Clock King''': Comfortable, Hill? Well you won't be for long! At 3:15 on the dot, those hands will come together and you'll be crushed like an insect. 3:15, Hill. Does that time hold any meaning for you? :'''Mayor Hill''': I don't know what you're talking about! :'''Clock King''': You told me to take my coffee break at 3:15. :'''Mayor Hill''': What?! :'''Clock King''': You don't remember?! My ''court date!'' :'''Mayor Hill''': ''[finally realizing]'' Oh my Lord! The lawsuit! Fugate! I swear I was only trying to help! :'''Clock King''': Don't hand me that! You did it on purpose! The plaintiffs were represented by your law firm, Mr. Mayor! :'''Mayor Hill''': But I had nothing to do with that case, Fugate! :'''Clock King''': Not that it matters anymore. Now that you have an appointment to keep, at 3:15 precisely—with the '''Grim Reaper!''' ''[begins laughing maniacally]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I'm here to clean your clock, Fugate. :'''Fugate''': Don't count on it, Batman. When it comes to clocks, ''I'' am king. ''En garde''! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Stop this, Fugate! Hill committed no crime against you! :'''Temple Fugate''': He did worse than that! He made me late! :'''Batman''': Fugate! You can't escape! :'''Clock King''': Au contraire, Batman. You of all people should know, there's always a way out! :''(Fugate begins laughing maniacally as a huge clock wheel falls on him, sending him to his apparent death)'' ===''Appointment In Crime Alley'' [1.26]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': Roland Daggett's up to something, Alfred. :'''Alfred''': That almost goes without saying, doesn't it, sir? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Leslie Thompkins''': This used to be a beautiful street. Good people lived here once. :'''Batman''': ''[placing two roses on the ground]'' Good people still live in Crime Alley. ===''Mad As A Hatter'' [1.27]=== :'''Jervis Tetch''': ''[Discussing the subject of Alice to his lab rats.]'' Of course, intellectually I know it's wrong. After all, she has a boyfriend. Better to withdraw like a gentleman- forget her, turn my heart to other pursuits. ''[Brief pause]'' NEVER! After all, I've created a chip strong enough to control a human brain! It would be so easy to make her forget her boorish beau and love ME! But...that would reduce her to a soulless shell. No...not my Alice. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman has cornered Jervis Tetch, who just subdued Alice with her mindcontrol card and is at a dinner table with him]'' :'''Jervis Tetch/Mad Hatter''': I'll cut that cowl off your neck before you'll take her! I've waited my whole lonely life for her! :'''Batman''': Then all you've waited for is a puppet. A soulless little doll. :'''Mad Hatter''': It didn't have to be this way! You made me do this to her! ===''Dreams In Darkness'' [1.28]=== :'''Batman''': "There's always time to heal", the doctor told me, but he was wrong. There was no time left. Not for me, not for him, and not for Gotham City. And as long as I remained trapped in Arkham, there was nothing I could do, except wait for the end and remember the beginning. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': An entire city, screaming in fear... I wonder if we'll be able to hear it... ===''Eternal Youth'' [1.29]=== :'''Mrs. Thomas''': You wicked, evil- :'''Poison Ivy''': Evil, Mrs. Thomas? I don't control a company that leveled a thousand-year-old forest for a strip mine! THAT'S evil! ''[sprays a gas which causes Mrs. Thomas to become petrified; steals a pair of earrings]'' You and your kind owe Mother Nature a big debt, and I am here to make sure you pay up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': Right now, the bark is merely exoskeletal. It will take months of additional spraying before the transformations become irreversible. But, of course, I have the patience of a redwood. :'''Batman''': ''[snarling]'' And the convictions of a fanatic! :'''Poison Ivy''': Well, if you're not going to be part of the solution, you're obviously part of the problem. Ladies? :''[Ivy's henchwomen begin to spray Batman with the growth formula]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': This spray is triple-strength, Batman! It will start the transformation without any preliminaries! ''[Nothing seems to happen to Batman as he unties his hands]'' He should be sprouting leaves by now! :'''Batman''': ''[Unties his hands and stands up, blocking the spray with his cape as he advances]'' You made your secret too accessible, Ivy! I coated my outfit with a herbicidal antidote! :'''Poison Ivy''': Keep spraying! ''[Violet and Lily back away, still spraying, but Batman subdues them both]'' ===''Perchance To Dream'' [1.30]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[Looking down off the ledge, preparing to jump]'' You're wrong! There IS a way out! :'''Mad Hatter''': Now, now wait just a minute! You don't want to do anything foolish! This isn't an ordinary dream! What if you're wrong?! :'''Bruce Wayne''': '''THEN I'LL SEE YOU IN YOUR ''NIGHTMARES''!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': '''''WHY?''''' Why did you do it?! :'''Mad Hatter''': You, of all people, have the GALL to ask me that? You RUINED MY LIFE! I was willing to give you WHATEVER life you wanted, JUST TO KEEP YOU OUT OF ''MINE!'' <hr width="75%"/> ===''The Cape & Cowl Conspiracy'' [1.31]=== :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Look up "slippery" in the dictionary and you get Josiah Wormwood. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[About the [[w:Bat-Signal|Bat-Signal]]]'' Got a new toy, I see. :'''Gordon''': I figured it might come in handy. ===''[[w:Robin's Reckoning|Robin's Reckoning Part 1]]'' [1.32]=== :''[Robin and Batman are doing a stakeout]'' :'''Robin''': If I knew it was going to take THIS long, I would've brought my homework. You sure about this extortion ring? :'''Batman''': ''[Looking at the construction site through binoculars]'' Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': It's been four hours. :'''Batman''': Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': You still think they'll show? :'''Batman''': Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': Lucky for me, you're such a good conversationalist. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': If you protect him, Stromwell, I'll be very... GRUMPY. [[The Incredible Hulk|You don't want to see me when I'm grumpy]]. ===''[[w:Robin's Reckoning|Robin's Reckoning Part 2]]'' [1.33]=== :'''[[w:Tony Zucco|Tony Zucco]]''': I'm not back in town five minutes - FIVE MINUTES - and he's on my tail. You don't know the Bat. He don't let up! He's the dark angel of death, man, and he wants ME! :'''Mick''': ... Why you, boss? :'''Zucco''': HOW SHOULD I KNOW?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Robin is about to throw Tony Zucco off the pier]'' :'''Tony Zucco''': No, don't! Please... :'''Batman''': Robin! Enough. ''[limps towards him]'' You can't let your emotions get the best of you. :'''Robin''': Stuff your advice, Batman! You and your stone-cold heart! You don't know how I feel. HOW COULD YOU?!? ''[Batman looks at him, and Robin realizes what he said]'' Batman, I didn't mean to... I'm sorry. ''[after he sees the police coming, Robin seemingly readies to throw Zucco off the pier but simply throws him to the ground. The cops arrive and arrest Zucco.]'' You were right, you know, not bringing me along. You knew I'd take it too personally. :'''Batman''': It wasn't that, Robin. It wasn't that at all. Zucco's taken so much, caused you so much pain. I couldn't stand the thought that he might... take you, too. :'''Robin''': ''[putting a hand on Batman's shoulder]'' Come on, partner. It's been a long night. ===''The Laughing Fish'' [1.34]=== :'''Alfred''': ''[seeing Batman with a Joker Fish]'' Dining in tonight, sir? :'''Batman''': ''[sighs]'' The dissection tray, please, Alfred... :'''Alfred''': Any idea what our happy friend is up to now? :'''Batman''': Normal criminals usually have logical motives, but the Joker's insane schemes make sense to him alone. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': Ah-ah-ah-ahem! Look alive, wage slaves. Presenting that caliph of clowns, that mogul of mountebanks, the one and only Joker! :''[The Joker enters, laughing maniacally]'' :'''Francis''': Great Scott! :'''Joker''': Actually, I'm Irish. Good morning, Mister, err, ''[looks at his desk's name plate]'' Francis! Please allow me to introduce my associates. Miss Quinn. :'''Harley Quinn''': ''Enchante''! :'''Joker''': And Messrs, uh... oh, their names escape me for the moment. No matter! We gentlemen of business have arrangements to discuss. :'''Francis''': A... Arrangements? :'''Joker''': ''[drops a Joker Fish onto his desk]'' For my fish, of course! This has all been worked out far in advance, Francis. You are merely the last tiny cog in my grand design! So don't speak to me again, 'kay? Now, what is everyone in town talking about? :'''Francis''': Err... your fish? :'''Joker''': ''[smacks him with the fish]'' I TOLD YOU NOT TO SPEAK! :'''Harley''': ''[sniffs Francis]'' Ooh, fish stink-a-roony! ''[sprays him with a substance from a perfume bottle, making him cough]'' All better! :'''Joker''': As I was saying, since every fish in Gotham now bares my famous and frankly ''fabulous'' face, I should be getting a profit from every fish product sold. ''[one of his thugs pours out a pile of products]'' Let's say a nickel per fish sandwich, fifty cents for sardines - millions of dollars a day to finance my happily hedonistic lifestyle! So which of your tedious copyright forms do I fill out first? You may speak now. :'''Francis''': No one can copyright fish. They're a natural resource. :'''Joker''': But they share my unique face! [[w:Colonel Sanders|Colonel What's-His-Name]] has chickens, and they don't even have moustaches! :'''Francis''': I can't help it, it's the law! :'''Joker''': Oh! Trying to cheat the Joker, are ya?! Well, we'll see who has the last laugh. You have until midnight to change your mind, Francis, or you'll be the poorest fish of all! ''[leaves, laughing madly, with his thugs following]'' :'''Harley''': ''[blows Francis a kiss as she follows]'' Buh-bye! :'''Francis''': He's crazy...! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Francis''': Err, Batman? Why is this happening to me? I've never done anything to this Joker. I'm just a paper-pusher, I can't change the laws. I'm harmless! :'''Batman''': And in his sick mind, that's the joke, Mr. Francis. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Feeling all right? :'''Francis''': ''[scratching himself]'' Oh, sure. It's just that everything's been so crazy today. I haven't even had time to rinse off that gunk the Joker's girl squirted on me... :'''Batman''': ''[to Gordon]'' GET THIS MAN TO A HOSPITAL! ''NOW!'' :'''Francis''': What?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': You're right, Harley. Fish ''are'' disgusting. I think I'll start using my toxin on cattle. Joker Burgers! Ha! Talk about a [[w:McDonald's|Happy Meal!]] <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': ''[after hitting Batman with a big wrench]'' Meanwhile, back at the "wrench"...! Since my sidesplitters don't tickle you, how 'bout a ''skull''-splitter?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After the Joker is seemingly eaten by the shark]'' :'''Harley''': ''[sniffing sadly]'' Oh, my poor, poor puddin'... :'''Bullock''': Come on, he was a demented, abusive, psychotic maniac. :'''Harley''': Yeah... I'm really gonna miss him! ''[sobs into her handkerchief]'' :'''Gordon''': Do you think he's gone for good? :'''Batman''': Believe me, Jim, I wish it were true. But deep inside, I doubt it. ===''Night Of The Ninja'' [1.35]=== :'''[[w:Kyodai Ken|Kyodai Ken]]''': ''[Throwing Bruce]'' Don't be depressed, Wayne-san. You're not bad for a rich man's pampered son. :'''Sensei''': ''[Leaps across room and throws Kyodai]'' There's always someone better, Kyodai. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': His name is Kyodai Ken. He was good. :'''Robin''': Yeah? How good? :'''Batman''': ''[Quickly]'' Good. :'''Robin''': I see. <hr width="80%"/> ===''Cat Scratch Fever'' [1.36]=== :'''Selina Kyle''': Don't tell me you're my very own private probation officer. How often would you like me to check in? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': "Viral Antitoxins". For a plague that doesn't exist, yet, but if the plague is introduced via stray dogs and cats, it will blanket Gotham City within weeks! :'''Roland Daggett''': Days, actually. You know how many strays there are in Gotham, Batman? Three hundred thousand! Imagine if even a tenth of them carried the virus. Not only will this little bottle make me a hero, it'll make me a fortune as well. ===''The Strange Secret Of Bruce Wayne'' [1.37]=== :''[Joker, Two-Face, and Penguin are bidding over Batman's secret identity]'' :'''Two-Face''': $500,000 :'''Penguin''': Poof. Chicken feed. I'll bet a million! :'''Two-Face''': ''TWO'' Million! :'''Strange''': I have two million. Do I hear three? :'''Joker''': Hold it, hold it, HOLD IT! :'''Two-Face''': Get outta my face, clown! :'''Joker''': Which one? :''[An angered Two-Face is about to attack Joker, but Penguin intervenes]'' :'''Penguin''': Gentlemen, it behooves us not to fight amongst ourselves. :'''Joker''': Well put, sardine breath! I think we should ''pool'' our resources on this. $51,240,685! ''[gets out a little coin purse, and pours out some coins]'' And uh, 53 cents. :'''Strange''': Sold! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Strange''': Joker, please! I was set up! Bruce Wayne is Batman! :'''Two-Face''': That's absurd! I know Bruce Wayne. If he's Batman, I'm the King of England! :'''Joker''': And people say I'M crazy! ===''Heart Of Steel Part 1'' [1.38]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': And who's your little friend? :''[Barbara takes a teddy bear out of her purse]'' :'''Barbara Gordon''': Oh, this is Wubby. I've had him forever. Dad won't pick me up at the airport without bringing him along. :'''Commissioner Gordon''': ''[blushing]'' Well... he knows the way better than I do. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': ''[After learning about the AI project]'' Sounds as if the human race could become quite expendable, except for butlers, of course. :'''Batman''': Of course. ===''Heart Of Steel Part 2'' [1.39]=== :'''Randa''': You have immobilized the maker. :'''[[w:HARDAC|HARDAC]]''': His human imperfection endangers the plan. He must be improved upon. <hr width="50%"/> :'''HARDAC''': The maker's concept was sound, but he did not go far enough - which is why I have taken over. ===''If You're So Smart, Why Aren't You Rich?'' [1.40]=== :'''[[w:Riddler|Edward Nygma]]''': ''[Being cheated out of the sales of his game]'' You are a fool, Mockridge, to think you can get away with this! Your amoral greed is no match for an intellect like mine! :'''Mockridge''': Oh, yeah? Then tell me something, Eddie: if you're so smart, why aren't you ''rich?'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman reprograms the Hand of Fate, and uses it to carry himself and Robin to the centre of the maze]'' :'''Riddler''': That is grand-scale CHEATING, Batman! You're not allowed to tamper with the Hand of Fate! :'''Batman''': I don't believe in fate! :'''Riddler''': You probably don't believe in Minotaurs either, but you'll still have to answer the Riddle. :'''Minotaur Robot''': ''I have billions of eyes, yet I live in darkness. I have millions of ears, yet only four lobes. I have no muscles, yet I move two hemispheres. What am I?'' :'''Batman''': ''[pauses in thought]'' That's simple: the human brain. ''[The Minotaur backs away]'' It has billions of optic and auditory nerves, four lobes and two hemispheres, and it's the only thing Edward Nygma respects. :'''Riddler''': A lucky guess, that's all! But it won't save you, Batman! ''[to the Minotaur]'' DESTROY THEM! ===''Joker's Wild'' [1.41]=== :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[as Joker changes the channel in the TV]'' Hey, I was watching that! :'''Joker''': And now you're watching this! :'''Poison Ivy''': Change it back! :'''Joker''': Nope, nope, nope, nope, don't want to. :'''Poison Ivy''': Guard! :'''Security Guard''': What's the problem? :'''Joker''': Don't look now, Sonny Jim, but the plant lady's gone whackers again. :'''Poison Ivy''': He started it! I was just sitting here! :'''Joker''': That's right, you're always blaming me. And the children wonder why we fight! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...the Joker's Wild! :''[Cameron Kaiser cuts the ribbon and unveils a casino with a gigantic Joker head. He is seen spoken to by Summer Gleeson]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': Ugh, that is disgusting! :'''Cameraman''': Psst, Summer! We're on the air! :'''Summer Gleeson''': ''[mortified]'' Oh! Uh... there you have it! Let's get a reaction from the guests. Mr. Wayne? :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[equally nauseated]'' No comment. :'''Summer Gleeson''': Mr. Kaiser, why build a casino seemingly in honor of one of history's most notorious outlaws? :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Summer, please! Wild Joker is a classic symbol, long associated with cards and games. I can't help it if there's a some passing resemblance to some criminal fruitcake. :''[An enraged Joker smashes the television]'' :'''Joker''': How dare that smug, preening fool try to cash in on ''MY'' image! :'''Poison Ivy''': Now who should lighten up? :'''Joker''': Don't get cute with me, Red. He's ripping me off! I'll protest! Yeah! I'll sue! Then I'll rip his lungs out! And I will, too! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': It was a scheme worthy of ''me'', Kaiser, the way you got me riled up and turned me loose on this place! :'''Cameron Kaiser''': You...! You were supposed to destroy the casino! :'''Joker''': Yeah, but then I realized it'd be more fun to get rid of you and run the show myself! :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Bu-But you can't...! :'''Joker''': Oh please, Mr. Kaiser! You of all people should have realized there'd be a Joker in the deck! ''[laughs]'' ===''Tyger Tyger'' [1.42]=== :'''Dorian''': I want to test Tygrus' reflexes and feral strength, and who better to pit him against than you? I'll give you a generous head start before I release Tygrus. If you defeat him, I shall relinquish this, the antigen to reverse Catwoman's mutation. :'''Batman''': How do I know you'll keep your word? :'''Dorian''': You don't. The clock is ticking, Batman. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': So you ''can'' talk. :'''Tygrus''': My father taught me. :'''Batman''': Your father was a test tube. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': Batman! The antidote! I'll be stuck like this forever! :'''Tygrus''': Would that be so bad? You could stay here, with me. :'''Catwoman''': Oh, Tygrus... I can't live like this, I have to be human again. :'''Tygrus''': ''[sadly, taking her hands in his]'' Goodbye, Selina. :''[As he leaves, Catwoman sees that he has given here the serum. She looks overjoyed, then calls out to him]'' :'''Catwoman''': Wait - won't you come with us? There's nothing for you here. :'''Tygrus''': There's nothing for me anywhere. ''[disappears into the falling rain]'' :'''Batman''': ''[in voiceover]'' "[[w:The Tyger|Tyger Tyger burning bright, in the forests of the night: what immortal hand or eye, dare frame thy fearful symmetry?]]" ===''Moon Of The Wolf'' [1.43]=== :'''Professor Milo''': What you're suffering from is an early stage of lycanthropy, more commonly known as werewolfism; for that I have no treatment. However, advanced werewolfism can be cured. :'''Anthony Romulus''': ''[after a wolf howls, Anthony starts transforming]'' Ohhh, you fool! There's no telling what the werewolf might do! :'''Professor Milo''': Hey, ask me if I care. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Do me a favour, shaggy: stay down! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bullock''': No trace of Wolfie! We checked the shoreline for miles! But in four weeks, there's another full moon. Then we'll know for sure. ===''Day Of The Samurai'' [1.44]=== :''[Batman swoops away after rescuing his Sensei's student, Kairi]'' :'''Kairi''': ''[In Japanese]'' Spirit of the bat... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yoru''': If you see Batman, tell him I have great respect for him. :'''Bruce''': Why? He's as much a ninja as Kyodai was. :'''Yoru''': Not so. Batman offered to help his adversary, and a lesser man would have used the secrets of the Onemuri touch against his opponent. Batman is the essence of samurai, Wayne-san. You would do well to remember that. :'''Bruce''': ''[bows]'' Domo arigato, sensei. ===''Terror In The Sky'' [1.45]=== :'''Batman''': Reports of a huge bat creature the size of a man. Remind you of anybody? :'''Alfred''': Present company excluded? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You couldn't leave it alone, could you, March? You've recreated the mutagen. :'''March''': ''[aiming a tranquilizer rifle at him]'' Recreated it? I've ''refined'' it! At night, on my own, so the others wouldn't know. I still believe only a creature like a Man-Bat can survive the next evolutionary cataclysm - and it will! My new serum could be even more powerful than Kirk's! :'''Batman''': ''[after disarming March]'' "''Could'' be"? What do you mean? :'''March''': I needed to test it, but before I had the chance-- :'''Batman''': ''[clearly surprised]'' You mean you ''haven't'' taken it? :'''March''': Of course not! The experimental batch was destroyed. I'll have to-- :'''Batman''': Destroyed? How? :'''March''': I'd been working through the night. I was just completing the final combination. ''[remembers incident at his lab as he drops the beaker of mutagen upon Francine's surprise entry]'' Francine burst in. I was startled. You have to understand I was very tired, I accidentally dropped the beaker. The whole night's work, ruined! Francine never guessed what I was doing, she even helped me clean up the mess. All that... glass! ''[recalls Francine licking her finger after it is pricked by a small shard of glass]'' Oh... oh, my lord... Francine! The mutagen - it's in ''her'' bloodstream now! ''[breaks down at his folly as Batman loads a tranquilizer into a pistol of his and then gives March the formula paperwork]'' :'''Batman''': Is ''that'' what it's going to take? Your daughter's life, before you end this insanity? :''[Later that night, March burns the files]'' ===''Almost Got 'Im'' [1.46]=== :'''Joker''': I want a nice clean game, gentlemen. :'''Penguin''': That'll be a first. So, I hear 'you-know-who' nailed the Mad Hatter last week. :'''Joker''': No kidding. He sure gets around for one guy. :'''Two-Face''': Yeah, well that's where you're wrong. I don't think it IS one guy. :'''[[w:Killer Croc|Killer Croc]]''': Huh? :'''Two-Face''': The way I figure it, Gordon's got a bunch of 'em stashed someplace like a SWAT team. He wants you to think it's one guy, but- :'''Joker''': Meh. You're always seeing double. :'''Penguin''': It's obvious our caped friend suffered some crime-related trauma when he was younger. Perhaps an over-anxious mugger blew off a piece of his face. :'''Joker''': Sure! He could be all gross and disgusting under that mask! ''[as Two-Face crushes a milk carton]'' Uh, no offense, Harv. :'''Two-Face''': Just deal. :'''Killer Croc''': Well, ya know what ''I'' think? :'''Joker''': Not the robot theory again... :'''Killer Croc''': Well, he COULD be. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Two-Face''': Poison Ivy... :'''Poison Ivy''': It's been a long time Harvey. You're still looking...halfway decent. :'''Two-Face''': Half of me wants to strangle ya. :'''Poison Ivy''': And what's the other part want? :'''Two-Face''': To hit you with a truck! :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[to the others]'' We used to date. :'''Penguin/Joker''': Ah. ===''Birds Of A Feather'' [1.47]=== :'''[[w:Penguin (comics)|Penguin]]''': Say, who's there? Two-Face? Croc? Joker, old shoe? :'''Batman''': None of the above, Penguin. :'''Penguin''': Oh no, not you... :'''Batman''': Get used to it. Wherever you go, I'll be right behind you. :'''Penguin''': Precisely where you belong. But you needn't bother. Haven't you heard? I've reformed. Paid my debt to society, and all that. :'''Batman''': We'll see. I just came to tell you to keep your beak clean. :'''Penguin''': ''[grabs a can of rat poison]'' As long as you're here, won't you stay for a cappuccino? :''[Batman gives him an annoyed look before leaving]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Batman defeats a gang of thugs threatening the Penguin and Veronica]'' :'''Batman''': I knew you couldn't stay clean for more than one day. :'''Veronica''': Let him go! He didn't do anything. It was those brutes! :'''Batman''': ''[genuinely surprised]'' He wasn't with them? :'''Penguin''': That's right, you vulgar vigilante! In my day, I associated with a much higher class of riff-raff! :'''Veronica''': I'm so sorry, Ozzie. :'''Penguin''': As long as you weren't bruised, my peach. ''[kisses her hand]'' :'''Batman''': "Peach"? :'''Penguin''': Why don't you be a good masked man and ride off into the night? This time, ''I'll'' clean up after ''you.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Veronica''': Please, Oswald! If it's money you want, I can get you more! :'''Penguin''': ''SHUT UP!'' All I wanted from ''you'', dearie, was a little friendship. That would have cost you ''nothing.'' But now you'll pay! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Veronica''': Oswald? I really was growing fond of you. It's too bad this had to happen. :'''Penguin''': ''[coldly]'' I suppose it's true what they say: society is to blame. ''High'' society. ===''What Is Reality?'' [1.48]=== :'''Batman''': "Where does a 500 pound gorilla sleep?" "What's worse than a millipede with flat feet?" "How do you stuff five elephants into a compact car?" :'''Alfred''': Anywhere it wants, a giraffe with a sore throat, and two in the front seat, two in the back, and one in the trunk. :'''Batman''': Yeah, yeah. I know, I know. Any schoolboy knows those. But brain teasers are the Riddler's M.O. Not corny old jokes like these. :'''Alfred''': Perhaps the questions are the clues, not the answers. For example, they all seem to involve animals. :'''Batman''': Also numbers. A ''500'' pound gorilla. A millipede, meaning a thousand legs. And five elephants. Now let's convert them to Roman numerals. ''[he does, revealing the letters DMV]'' Look! :'''Alfred''': DMV... :'''Batman and Alfred''': Department of Motor Vehicles! :'''Alfred''': But I recall you mentioning he'd already obliterated his records there, so why return? :'''Batman''': For the hard copy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no tales. :'''Batman''': Another riddle, Nygma? :''[Four quarters and a single penny emerge from the return change chute]'' :'''Riddler''': It all makes sense when you add it up! :''[In the Batmobile]'' :'''Alfred''': Four quarters and a penny, sir? :'''Batman''': Penny... Penny... Cent... Red cent... Copper. It's made of copper. :'''Alfred''': And "copper" is another word for a policeman. :'''Batman''': And "no tails" would be heads. Police head... Quarters! :'''Alfred''': Police Headquarters. Bravo, sir! It does make "cents" when you add it up! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': He can't be online! I searched through every file. :'''Riddler''': You searched the software. Had you bothered to examine the hardware you would have discovered a cordless modem line. :'''Riddler''': A pity you can't earn extra lives in this game.Quite an experience being riddled with questions, isn't it, Batman :'''Robin''': Batman don't open that door Crazy Intent means Loco Motion! Batman finds himself on a chessboard: :'''Riddler''':Only Batman can put the King in check and you have to move according to the rules or its the end of the day :'''Robin''':They call you the dark Knight..so you have to move like a knight (If Batman fails to move as a knight it'll be "KNightfall" (!) :'''Riddler''':Careful, vigilante, you know what they say, "Curiosity killed the Bat". :'''Batman''': Can you solve it? :'''Robin''': Are you kidding? You're looking at the guy who solved the Baxter's Box puzzle in 37 seconds! Course, this time I don't have a sledge hammer... After escaping Riddler Virtual realty Traps, Batman tries to rescue Gordon from Riddler :'''Batman''': You may control this world, Nygma, but I still control myself! :'''Riddler''': The name is "Riddler"! Edward Nygma doesn't exist anymore! You may recall that he was once fired by an ungrateful employer! That was a private matter and was meant to remain one! :'''Batman''': Attempted homicide is never a "private matter", Nygma! :'''Riddler''': No, but it would have been if you hadn't interfered and turned Edward Nygma into a fugitive! So I deleted Nygma. Just as I'm about to delete you, Batman. :'''Batman''':Tell me this.. Riddler how can you spread your conscious thirty-two times..and still have the concentration to keep your world together? YOU CAN'T! Batman saves Gordon :'''Riddler''': No....NO..... I can escape that easy...but if the Planet was equitable...I'd still have my old Job....No...wait...I'M ...not Ready.....AHHHHH' :'''Gordon''': But we'll never find him :'''Batman''': I think he left us a clue..."If the planet were equitable, I'd still have my old job". :'''Robin''': Of course. If the "World's Fair," I'd still have my "Ex-position". Oh, give me a break. [Batman, Robin and Gordon find Riddler mind trapped in his virtual realty world] :'''Batman''': Looks like he didn't escape his virtual reality in time. :'''Robin''': You mean he's been trapped inside his own program? :'''Batman''': Could be and how to get him out may be a riddle no one can solve. ===''I Am The Night'' [1.49]=== :'''Batman''': A weary body can be dealt with. But a weary spirit? That's something else. Sometimes, old friend, I wonder if I'm really doing any good out there. :'''Alfred''': How can you doubt it? The lives you've saved, the criminals you've brought to justice-- :'''Batman''': I've put out a few fires, yes. Won a few battles. But the war goes on, Alfred. On and on... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Leslie Thompkins''': You seem quieter than usual tonight. :'''Batman''': Every year, I come here and wonder if it should be the last time. If I should put the past behind me, try to lead a normal life. :'''Dr. Thompkins''': [[George Santayana|Santayana]] says, "Those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it." :'''Batman''': He also said a fanatic is someone who redoubles his efforts while losing sight of his goal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I chose this life. I use the night - I ''became'' the night. Sooner or later, I'll go down. It might be the Joker, or Two-Face, or just some punk who gets lucky. My decision, no regrets. But I can't let anyone else pay for my mistakes. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': "[[Friedrich Nietzsche|When you look too long into the abyss, the abyss looks back through you.]]" Maybe it's time for Batman to return to the night that spawned him, before anyone else gets hurt! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[grabs Wizard]'' Up to your old tricks, I see. How about returning that suitcase to its owner? :'''Wizard''': Hey, man, I ''am'' the owner. :''[Batman, surprised, lets him go]'' :'''Wizard''': Y'know, I was kinda hoping I'd run into you. I'd been in those places like where you left me before. Heard the rap, wasn't impressed. But this time, it made sense. Maybe I was ready to hear it. So I'm heading back home. I guess I kinda owe it to you, Batman. You probably saved my life. I'll bet you hear this all the time. Look, I'm gonna miss my bus, I'll see you around. And... thanks. :''[Batman smiles as he watches Wizard leave]'' ===''Off Balance'' [1.50]=== :'''[[w:Talia al Ghul|Talia]]''': My contact lenses! I lost them when we fell! They counter the distortion effect. Without them, I'm as helpless as you. :'''Batman''': I don't do helpless. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Ra's al Ghul|Ra's al Ghul]]''': So even in defeat, the detective manages to achieve some small measure of victory. As you said, detective: this is not over. ===''The Man Who Killed Batman'' [1.51]=== :'''Joker''': You know, there's just one thing bothering me about your story, Sid. No body. No BATUS DELECTI so to speak. We need to pull a job tonight just to make sure. :'''Murphy, Joker's henchman''': Make sure what, boss? :'''Joker''': ''[surprised by Murphy's question]'' Why that old Batsy's bought the cave of course, and one more thing Murphy.....''[turning more annoyed]'' don't ask stupid questions. ''[pushes Murphy to the hyenas who scratch and lick him crazily, to Joker's satisfaction]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': I'll get the mop. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': When the cops come, stall them for awhile, just until Batman arrives. '' Got it?'' :'''Henchman''': Right, boss. :'''Joker''': ''[to Murphy, still scarred from the hyenas]'' Any questions, Murph? :'''Murphy''': No sir! :'''Joker''': ''[to Sid The Squid]'' Good man. And if Batman hasn't ''really'' gone to his final reward, ''we'll'' see that he gets there! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Dear friends... today is the day the Clown cried. And he cries not for the passing of one man, but for the death of a dream. The dream that he would someday taste the ultimate victory over his hated enemy. For it was the Batman who made me the happy soul I am today. How I agonized over the perfect way to thank him for that. Perhaps with a cyanide pie in the face. Or an exploding whoopie-cushion playfully planted in the Batmobile. But those dreams were dashed by the weaselly little gunsel sitting there in our midst. The cowardly insignificant gonif who probably got lucky when Batman slipped on the slime trail this loser left behind him. This mound of diseased hyena filth who's not fit to lick the dirt from my spats...! But I digress. The time for sorrow has passed. It's time to look to a future filled with smiles. And I'll be smiling again just as soon as we take that man THERE...and slap him in that box THERE...and roll him into that vat of acid THERE! Well that was fun...who's for Chinese?! ===''Mudslide'' [1.52]=== :'''Clayface''': ''[After civilians flee in terror upon seeing his true form]'' That's right, run! Run for your measly lives! Run from Clayface! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Clayface''': You've upstaged me for the last time, Batman. Time to bring down the curtain! ===''Paging The Crime Doctor'' [1.53]=== :'''Rupert Thorne''': You think you iced the Batman, huh? Heh heh heh... Not on your best day, Jake! I'd cover my back if I were you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce Wayne''': Bruce Wayne, Dr. Thorne. Thomas Wayne's son. Did you get my letter? :'''[[w:Joseph Campanella|Matthew Thorne]]''': Yes. Thomas Wayne... :'''Bruce Wayne''': I told you I can help with your legal costs, maybe even put in a good word with the judge. :'''Matthew Thorne''': Yes, but what do you get out of it? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Well, there is something you can do for me. :'''Matthew Thorne''': I knew it! I knew there'd be a catch. Sorry, Mr. Wayne. Matthew Thorne is no longer for sale! :'''Bruce Wayne''': I'm not looking for any illegal favors. :'''Matthew Thorne''': What then? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Something you know. Something only you can give me. ''[pause]'' Tell me about my father. :''[Dr. Thorne grins and camera pans out as he ushers Bruce to resume his seat]'' ===''Zatanna'' [1.54]=== :'''[[w:Zatanna|Zatanna]]''': What do you care about some leggy dame in nylons- or have I just answered my own question? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zatanna''': ''[About Batman's mask]'' What happened that made you put this on? :'''Batman''': A painful memory, and a promise. ===''The Mechanic'' [1.55]=== :'''The Penguin''': ''[furious at his men for stealing the wrong stamps by mistake]'' These are terrible! Terrible! :'''Eagleton''': ''[indignant]'' Come on, boss. Give me a break. We got you the stamps. What more do you want? :'''The Penguin''': ''[tossing the worthless stamps angrily]'' I wanted the rare ones! The reversed Audubons! These aren't worth enough to pay for the repairs to the limousine. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Earl Cooper''': ''[sees the damaged Batmobile]'' You been letting the kid drive again? :'''Robin''': Ha ha. Actually we were playing chicken with a penguin. :'''Batman''': Or three of his men. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Penguin is scrubbing license plates in prison]'' :'''Penguin''': ''[reading one]'' "1 BAT 4U"?! ''[breaks it in anger]'' ===''Harley and Ivy'' [1.56]=== :'''Joker''': NO, we didn't get the diamond! The Dork Knight showed up before we even got to the museum! I had a great shot at him, too. Except... my dear little Harley Quinn handed me the wrong gun! :'''Harley Quinn''': But puddin', it was kinda funny watching you shoot at him with the bang flag! ''[Rocco and Henshaw can't help laughing then stifle it as the Joker glares at them]'' :'''Joker''': ''[turning back to Harley]'' Funny? You presume to tell me what I should think is funny?!? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[Poison Ivy trips the alarm, spoiling and hers and Harley Quinn's separate robberies]'' Nice going, butterfingers! Why not turn on the Bat-Signal while you're at it? :'''Poison Ivy''': I wasn't TRYING to get caught! :'''Harley Quinn''': Could've fooled me! Hey, aren't you that plant lady Poison Oakie? :'''Poison Ivy''': Ivy! Poison IVY, not Oakie! :'''Harley Quinn''': Sorry! Harley Quinn, please to meet ya! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Poison Ivy is about to give an injection to Harley Quinn]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': I hate shots! I hate shots! :'''Poison Ivy''': Now, now. You're not immune to poison like I am, and you won't last ten minutes here in Toxic Acres without my antidote. ''[gives the injection]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': Oooh! Whew, you'd think after livin' with Mr. J, I'd be used to a little pain. :'''Poison Ivy''': Why do you put up with that clown? :'''Harley Quinn''': Don't get me wrong. My puddin's a little rough sometimes, but he loves me, really. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[sarcastically]'' Sure he does. You're just one big, forgiving doormat, aren't you? :'''Harley Quinn''': I am NOT a doormat! ...Am I? :'''Poison Ivy''': If you had a middle name, it would be Welcome. But cheer up, kid. You just need some lessons in good old female self-esteem. In other words, let's play with the boys on ''our'' terms. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': That should keep you big strong men busy while we weak little girls loot your trophy room. :'''Harley Quinn''': Gee, Ives, you got style! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[sighs softly]'' No offense, Ives, but I'm not very hungry. Somehow I don't feel like my old perky self. Something's missing. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[angrily slams her form on Harley's plate]'' Will you stop?! I can't believe you're still mooning over that psychotic creep! :'''Harley Quinn''': Well, maybe I'd feel better if I knew he missed me, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': HARLEY!!! This place is going to blinking blue blazes! Anybody seen my socks?! '''HARLEY!!!''' ''[the hyenas snarl at Joker]'' OH!! They snapped at me! What's going on, Rock? This place is a mess, no one's fed the hyenas and I can't find my socks! Where's Harley?! :'''Rocko''': Y-y-ya canned her, boss. Remember? :'''Joker''': So? She's always come back before. :'''Rocko''': Gee... I guess ya ain't seen the papers then. :'''Joker''': Papers?! What are you babbling about?! ''[snatches the newspaper from Rocko and reads an article of Harley's partnership with Poison Ivy]'' '''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!''''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[to Poison Ivy]'' I remember when I would go driving like this with Mr. J. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[imitating Harley Quinn]'' "Mr. J, Mr. J." Oh, change the record, Harl! You wanna be some wacko's victim the rest of your life?! ===''Shadow Of The Bat Part 1'' [1.57]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[indignant after reading about James Gordon's arrest]'' We'll see about this. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara Gordon]]''': So Batman can't help me? Fine. Let's see what Batgirl can do! ===''Shadow Of The Bat Part 2'' [1.58]=== :'''Two-Face''': Don't get wise with me, Mason. Remember who got you set up as Gordon's assistant? :'''Gil Mason''': Right, Harvey, right. :'''Two-Face''': ''[grabs him]'' Don't call me that! It's TWO-FACE to you, pretty boy! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I should've known it would be Two-Face. It's a perfect two-part plan. He consolidates the gangs while Mason takes over the police. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Gil Mason is about to murder James Gordon to become commissioner, and later mayor]'' :'''Gil Mason''': It's business, Jim. Nothing personal. Matter of fact, I respect you, I do. But a fellow has to take his opportunities where he finds them. And with you out of the way, I'll be mayor inside of a year! :'''Gordon''': You're SICK, Gil! ''[glances at Two-Face]'' A lot sicker than him! At least I can see his bad half! :'''Mason''': Sorry you feel that way. At least you won't have to worry about Barbara. I'll take good care of her. She's very fond of me, you know. :'''Gordon''': You piece of scum! I may not be able to stop you, but I know someone who will! :'''Mason''': I wouldn't get your hopes up. You see, there's been a recent decline in the bat population... ===''Blind As A Bat'' [1.59]=== :'''Penguin''': Your aim appears to be a little off today, Batman. I don't think you could hit the broad side of a barn, let alone the broad side of this bird! You're blind as a bat. Sightless and helpless. :'''Batman''': You've got ''one'' right. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': You have a call on your private line. :'''Bruce''': Then let's go! :'''Alfred''': In your condition, sir? :'''Bruce''': If you think a little inconvenience like this is going to stop me... :''[he knocks over a lamp]'' :'''Alfred''': Indeed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': ''[contacting Mayor Hill's office from the Raven]'' Quite a machine, this Raven. Amazing what its communications equipment can do. Don't you agree? You've received my instructions? :'''Mayor Hill''': They arrived by messenger this morning. You know, one-hundred million is a a lot of money. It'll take time to raise that much. :'''Penguin''': You're stalling, Hill. Obviously, you're not taking me seriously. I've warned you not to make that mistake. Apparently, I'll have to show you why. :''[shuts off communication and Hill angrily snaps his pencil in half]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Hill''': Just what I was afraid of. According to the controller's office, we can't come close to putting that ransom together. Not without shutting down basic municipal services. :'''Detective Bullock''': So what other options do we got? :'''Batman''': ''[emerging from the shadows]'' None, gentlemen. Which is why you're going to do exactly what the Penguin wants you to. ===''The Demon's Quest Part 1'' [1.60]=== :'''Ra's al Ghul''': As [[W:Napoleon|Napoleon]] told me, "A strong will can fuel a frail physique." <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Look at it, detective. One of the last of the rainforests. The world depends upon its oxygen, yet the rich see only profit in its destruction. You, who belong to the overclass, have much to answer for. :'''Batman''': Bruce Wayne donates millions of dollars a year to preserve these forests. :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Which are being depleted at the rate of 120,000 acres a day. Does your money solve this problem? No! It will take more than wealth. It will take power, and I fear, ruthlessness. Humankind must be forced to serve the planet instead of its own appetites. :'''Batman''': And you're the one who'll do the forcing? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': I am... qualified, yes. But I may not have sufficient lifetimes left to me. ===''The Demon's Quest Part 2'' [1.61]=== :'''Ubu''': Infidel! :'''Batman''': If you only knew how sick I am of you calling me that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ra's al Ghul''': The material of the Pit is an unknown chemical stew that bubbles to the Earth's surface only in certain key places. Even now, my people are placing bombs, such as that one, over the various Lazarus Pits around the world. These bombs are electronically linked to a private satellite already in Earth orbit. :'''Batman''': ''Orpheus''. :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Precisely. And at the moment when sun and moon are in proper alignment to cause the greatest upheaval in Earth's geomagnetic field, I shall send a signal to that satellite, beginning a countdown. Five minutes thereafter, one bomb will be lowered deep into the heart of each Pit. The satellite will in turn relay a microwave signal that will detonate all the bombs simultaneously. The multiple explosions will result in a global chain reaction. All the Lazarus Pits throughout the world will overflow. The globe will be saturated with their chemical solution, and when the resultant cataclysm has abated, there will come a blessed peace, and this poor, defiled planet shall find itself restored to its former pristine glory. :'''Batman''': But that will cost countless lives! :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Actually, Detective, we ''have'' counted: Two billion, fifty-six million, nine hundred and eighty-six thousand! A most impressive plan, would you not agree? :'''Batman''': Yes... I can see it clearly now for the first time. You are completely out of your mind. ===''His Silicon Soul'' [1.62]=== :'''Rossum''': You don't understand. You're not a man's mind in a robot's body. You're a robot. Period. :'''Bat-Duplicant''': You're lying! It's not possible! I know my family and friends! I remember names, faces, birthdays! I have memories! A past! :'''Rossum''': You have information. Data. Nothing more. Do you remember your first kiss? Your favorite song? The last time you tasted a really good steak? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[about the duplicant]'' Could it be it had a soul, Alfred? A soul of silicon, but a soul nonetheless. ===''Fire From Olympus'' [1.63]=== :'''Stavros''': Please! It's not what you think. I wasn't going to say anything. Honest! :'''[[w:Maxie Zeus|Maximillion "Maxie" Zeus]]''': Silence! First, you transgress against me. Then, you force me to descend to the mortal plane. And now, you tell me I know not what I think?! :'''Stavros''': No! :'''Zeus''': To the depths of Tartarus with you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zeus''': You bore me with these tales of petty human concerns. :'''Clio''': ''[annoyed]'' You're doing it again, Max. :'''Zeus''': You are Clio, my muse of history. Amuse me with tales of ancient times when mortals trembled at the name of Zeus. :'''Clio''': You want a story? I got one. Seems there was this guy named Max who, because he'd been lucky so far in the smuggling racket, believed himself to be untouchable, superior, godlike... :'''Zeus''': There's a cynical edge to your voice I don't appreciate. Know you not, I am above mortal constraints of right and wrong? :'''Clio''': No one is above the law, Max. :'''Zeus''': I make my own laws! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zeus''': Begone, Lord [[w:Hades|Hades]]. Get thee back to thine own realm. Do not come again to Olympus until bidden! :'''Batman''': I think I get the message. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Clio''': ''[telling Batman about Zeus]'' He wasn't always this way, you know. But then business got bad and he started handling cargo for the mob. After a while, with the pressure, the tension... things got confused. He's not living in the real world anymore. ''[awkwardly]'' Maybe you can relate to that? :'''Batman''': ''[after a short silence]'' You're the only one who can get me close enough to help him - while some of the man you knew still exists. ===''Read My Lips'' [1.64]=== :'''Batman''': How do you think I found this place? The phone book? I had help. ''Inside'' help. :'''[[w:Ventriloquist (comics)|Scarface]]''': My premonition! I knew I was right! Which one of you louses is it?! :'''Rhino''': It ain't me boss! :'''Scarface''': I know it ain't you, Rhino! You're too stupid to be a traitor! :'''Rhino''': Thanks, boss. :'''Scarface''': But whoever it is, they're gonna pay big time! Who is it?! You don't talk, you get the ultimate massage! :'''Batman''': And if I tell? :'''Scarface''': Maybe you just get run over by a truck. :'''Batman''': Tempting, but no. :'''Scarface''': Have it your way. Rhino! :''[Rhino gets ready to pull the lever to lower Batman to a pit of mannequins with razor-sharp fingernails]'' :'''Batman''': Hold it! :'''Scarface''': This is gettin' old, Bats. Last chance, who's the traitor? :'''Batman''': Him! The Ventriloquist! :''[everyone glares at the Ventriloquist]'' :'''Ventriloquist''': No, no! He's lying! I told you when he came into my room! :'''Scarface''': So what? Maybe you did 'cause I had ya cornered. Heard ya talkin' to Batman. :'''Batman''': ''[uses his own ventriloquism to imitate the Ventriloquist]'' Shut up, you blockhead! :'''Scarface''': WHAT DID YOU SAY?! :'''Ventriloquist''': It wasn't me! I didn't say that! My lips didn't move! :'''Scarface''': So what?! You're a ventriloquist! You're also a lyin' yellow liver-bellied two-face! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, Scarface! I'm loyal! I'd never! :'''Batman''': He's been feeding me information, in return for legal protection. ''[imitates the Ventriloquist again]'' You're going up the river, sawdust-for-brains! :'''Scarface''': Why, I oughta...! Waste the floor-flusher! Come on, I gave an order! ICE HIM! DO IT! DO IT NOW! :'''Muggsy''': But, boss, we ventilate the Ventriloquist, your, y'know... :'''Scarface''': I'M SURROUNDED BY TRAITORS! Okay, fine. Ya want something done right, do it yourself! ''[aims his gun at the Ventriloquist]'' ===''The Worry Men'' [1.65]=== :'''Veronica''': If ever someone led a worry-free life, it's you, Bruce Wayne. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce''': Tell me, Alfred: what's an ancient Mayan witch doctor doing on a Gotham skyscraper? :'''Alfred''': This isn't one of those Riddler questions, is it? :'''Bruce''': No, but it's just as confusing. <hr width="50%"/> :''[As Batman attempts to escape from his guillotine]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Oh, you're a clever one! But I will not be denied! As the great [[w:Lewis Carroll|Lewis Carroll]] said: "[[w:Jabberwocky|One, two, one, two, and through and through the vorpal blade went snicker-snack! He left it dead, and with its head, he went galumphing back!]]" <hr width="50%"/> :''[Freed from his mind control, the Mad Hatter's jaguar gang turn on him]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Stop! :'''Shaman''': Yes, stop. Leave him to the police. :'''Mad Hatter''': Thank you. Thank you, you generous, forgiving, ''[draws a gun from his hat]'' noble fool! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': I must say, after all the Hatter put him through, that fellow showed remarkable restraint. :'''Bruce''': When everything was said and done, all the shaman really wanted was to go home. In fact, I hear he even sent the Hatter a farewell gift. :''[The Hatter is seen tossing and turning in bed in Arkham]'' :'''Bruce''': Something to ensure that Jervis Tetch only dreams of a good honest life from now on. :''[A Batman doll is revealed from under the Hatter's pillow]'' ==Season 2== ===''Sideshow'' [2.1]=== :'''Killer Croc''': You know, there's something the brains back at the joint didn't think about. :'''Prison Guard''': Yeah, what's that? :'''Killer Croc''': Crocodile's got the strongest jaws of any animal around. ''[bites his handcuffs in half]'' :'''Prison Guard''': ''[spits the coffee out of his mouth and pins Croc with the shotgun]'' Get back! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman arrives with his shadow. Goliath wakes up and Batman covers Goliath's mouth by calming him down]'' :'''Batman''': Calm down, I won't hurt you. I'm just looking for someone: half man, half crocodile. ''[Goliath looks over worriedly]'' He's in there, isn't he? :'''Goliath''': ''[Pushes Batman to the cage]'' No! Stay away! ''[Holds him against it]'' He's one of us. Croc, run! :'''Batman''': ''[Kicks Goliath into the stomach]'' I don't wanna hurt you. :'''Goliath''': Don't worry, you won't. ''[Hits Batman with the big punch and Batman and Goliath starts fighting]'' :'''Killer Croc''': ''[Comes out of the house]'' You. ''[Gives Batman a spear]'' :'''Billy''': Richard, help! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Billy the Seal Boy''': Why, Croc? Why'd you turn on us like that? We could have helped you, we could have done something. :'''Killer Croc''': You said you can be yourself out here, remember? Well, I guess that's what I was doing - being myself. ===''A Bullet For Bullock'' [2.2]=== :'''Bullock''': Let's get something straight from the get-go. I think you're a freak and a menace, and those are your ''good'' points. But the commish says you serve a purpose, so I go along. :'''Batman''': I appreciate your honesty. What's the problem? :'''Bullock''': Somebody's got it in for me. Tried to give me a fender massage last night. It ain't the first time. Last week too. :'''Batman''': Any suspects? :'''Bullock''': So many, they could have their own zip code. I've put a lot of guys away, and they hate me for it. Looks like one of them hates me enough to do something about it. :'''Batman''': Why me? Why not just go to the department? :'''Bullock''': I step on a lot of toes. I don't want Internal Affairs looking at me too close. They might find some things I don't want found. :'''Batman''': Are you on the take? :'''Bullock''': Watch it, freak! I never took a dime from nobody! I just bend the rules a little sometimes, you understand. We're not all that different. :'''Batman''': We're on the same side, but we're ''not'' the same. I'll help you find out who's after you, but you've got to collar them clean. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': We ''are'' speaking of the same person, are we not? Harvey Bullock? The detective who looks like an unmade bed? :'''Batman''': The same. :'''Alfred''': He came to ''you'' for help? It must be serious. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Montoya''': Bullock? You okay? You don't look so good. I mean, you never look good, but today you look worse. :'''Bullock''': After fifteen years working in this cesspool, I'd like to see how good ''you'' look! <hr width="50%"/> :''[In the Batmobile]'' :'''Bullock''': Nice starship you got here. What's this for? ''[points towards a button]'' :'''Batman''': Passenger ejector seat. :''[Bullock withdraws nervously, while Batman smirks slightly]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bullock''': By the way, I still think you're a freak, but... thanks. ===''Trial'' [2.3]=== :'''Two-Face''': Basic fifty-fifty option. You get him off, you both go free. He goes down, you take the fall with him. :'''Mad Hatter''': Amusing idea, what? Kidnapping you to be Batman's attorney? :'''Two-Face''': Personally, I suggested a quick slug between the eyes... but I lost the coin toss. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarface''': Court is now in session! The Good People of Arkham Asylum vs. the Self-Righteous Vigilante Called Batman! Our prosecutor is ready, likewise our fair and impartial jury. :'''Mad Hatter''': Hang him! :'''Harley''': Shoot him! :'''Killer Croc''': Hit him with a rock! :'''Scarface''': And now, all rise for the most honorable, most benevolent, most merciful Judge Joker! :'''Joker''': GUILTY! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I was promised a chance to defend my client! :'''Joker''': Oh, very well. Like it'll make a difference. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I suppose that you, like your friends, claim that Batman ''drove'' you to be a criminal? :'''Mad Hatter''': He did. :'''Janet Van Dorn''': And yet, as I recall in your case, you brainwashed and kidnapped a woman who rejected you. :'''Mad Hatter''': Batman forced me to do it! He was going to take her away from me! I had no choice! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': You could have respected her wishes and left her alone. :'''Mad Hatter''': I'D HAVE KILLED HER FIRST! ''[gasps and covers his mouth, then turns to the Joker]'' I'd like that last statement stricken from the record, please. :'''Joker''': Record? Is someone supposed to be writing this down? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': And so it's Batman's fault you lead a life of crime? :'''Poison Ivy''': He should have let me bump off Harvey Dent. We'd all have been better off - wouldn't we, Harv? :'''Two-Face''': ''[muttering while flipping his coin]'' Why, you rotten little... :'''Janet Van Dorn''': But Miss Isley, isn't the real motivation for your crimes your obsession with plants? That you prefer them to people? :'''Poison Ivy''': I love plants, honey, but a rose is a rose. :'''Janet Van Dorn''': Then it doesn't bother you when someone, let's say the judge here, ''[plucks the flower from the Joker's robe]'' ruthlessly ''plucks'' a defenceless flower from the warm green earth? :'''Poison Ivy''': No! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': Even knowing he's given it his death sentence? That its petals must die? ''[starts pulling its petals out]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': Stop it...! :'''Poison Ivy''': One by one, withering, falling. One by one till it's all gone, ''honey.'' :''[She crushes the flower so that it crumbles apart. Ivy shrieks with rage and attacks her, and the Scarecrow and Mad Hatter rush in to restrain her]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Miss Ivy, please! :'''Scarface''': You look beautiful when you're angry. :''[Ivy smacks the Ventriloquist in the face, and Scarface laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I used to believe Batman was responsible for you people. But now I see nearly everyone here would have ended up exactly the same, Batman or not. Oh, the gimmicks might be different, but you'd all be out there in some form or another bringing misery to Gotham. The truth is, ''you'' created ''him.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Well done, counsellor. You've proven that Batman ''didn't'' create us - that we, in fact, messed up our own rotten lives! And as we are so rotten, vile and depraved... we're going to waste you anyway! :''[The inmates cheer and close in on Batman and Janet]'' :'''Joker''': [[w:Porky Pig|A-bi-a-bi-a-bi, that's all, folks!]] ''[bangs down a rubber chicken]'' Let's mambo! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I see now there's a need for the things you do. But I'm still going to work towards a city that doesn't need Batman. :'''Batman''': ''[smiling]'' Me too. ===''Avatar'' [2.4]=== :'''Lucius Fox''': Without a doubt, this will be one of the best museum exhibitions Gotham City has ever seen. You can be quite the humanitarian on occasion, Bruce. It's commendable. It's inspiring. :'''Bruce''': It's deductible. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce''': You've got a serious priority problem, Ra's. What can be in that tomb that's more valuable than the love of your daughter? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Power, detective. The power once held by almighty Thoth-Khepera, Queen of Two Continents. :'''Bruce''': You surprise me, Ra's. The world's oldest chauvinist chasing after a woman? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Thoth-Khepera was not simply a woman, detective, nor merely a ruler. Through her flowed the power of the gods. With no more than a gesture, she controlled the force of life and death, and with it, she kept a nation under her thumb for one thousand years. :'''Bruce''': You sound like a bad Saturday afternoon serial, Ra's. This is sheer nonsense. :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': No, detective - I know there is a power there to be tapped! My six hundred years of life are proof of that power. :''[Bruce and Talia are trapped in a glass booth]'' :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Farewell, detective. Farewell, Talia. It is said that one finds one's immortality in one's offspring. Alas, I know that to be a lie. ===''House and Garden'' [2.5]=== :'''Batman''': She's done nothing more incriminating than return an overdue video - even paid the late fee. :'''Alfred''': Could it be Ivy truly has reformed? :'''Batman''': I want to believe it. Why can't I? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You haven't changed a bit. :'''Poison Ivy''': Yes, I have. I meant it when I said I wanted a family that loves me. I just wanted it on my terms. :'''Robin''': Lady, you're nuts! :'''Poison Ivy''': Well, that's ''your'' opinion. Probably the last one you'll ever have, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': I'm just sorry she got away. :'''Batman''': Me too, Robin. But I don't think we'll see her again anytime soon. :''[The real Ivy is shown escaping on a plane out of Gotham, looking through a scrapbook]'' :'''Batman''': Ivy lost everything she had, everything she said she ever wanted. For what it's worth, I believed her when she told me that for the first time in her life... she was happy. :''[Ivy sheds tears as she looks at a photo of her wedding]'' ===''The Terrible Trio'' [2.6]=== :'''Warren''': Is this all you do for kicks, Bruce? Charity work? :'''Bruce''': Well, I do have a night life. Pull! ''[shoots down a clay pigeon]'' Besides, it's important to help others. It may sound corny, but hey, it's how I feel. :'''Warren''': You must recognize that you are a superior animal, Bruce. A member of the elite. Pull! ''[shoots down another clay pigeon]'' Take my Delta brothers and me. Why, we've run with the bulls! :'''Armand''': Shot game from hot air balloons! :'''Gunther''': Killed a great white! :'''Warren''': We've done it all. Ah, therein lies the problem. After all, what do the rajas do when there are no more tigers to hunt? :'''Bruce''': I'm sure you'll think of something, Warren. ''[leaves]'' :'''Warren''': Dollar for dollar, that has to be the dullest man in Gotham City. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Scoundrels like these are worse than the Joker. At least he's got madness as an excuse! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Let's go, Fox. You've raided your last chicken coop. :'''Warren''': Wait, wait a minute! We can make a deal! A million dollars to let me go! ''Ten'' million! Think about it. Buys a lot of Batarangs! :'''Batman''': ''[unimpressed]'' Your money's no good here. :'''Warren''': Okay, fine! Go ahead, take me in, hero! I've got every judge in town in my pocket! You'll see! I'll get justice! The best that money can buy! :''[Next, Warren is seen being ushered into a cell at Stonegate, where his burly new cellmate gives him a menacing look]'' ===''Harlequinade'' [2.7]=== :'''Harley''': ''[in handcuffs]'' I sense a lack of trust. :'''Robin''': Are you sure you don't need help keeping Zippy under control? :''[Harley picks the lock on her cuffs while Batman speaks]'' :'''Batman''': I'm fine. Besides, I need you to be ready if Gordon's men get any leads. I'll signal if there's trouble. :'''Robin''': You got it. :'''Harley''': I wanna listen to the radio! ''[reaches for the controls]'' :'''Batman''': DON'T--! :''[Harley Quinn deploys a parachute, causing the Batmobile to swerve wildly. When the Batmobile stops, Batman is furious]'' :'''Harley''': ''[timidly]'' Oops... :'''Batman''': Listen, and listen good. You don't touch anything, say anything, or DO ANYTHING UNLESS I TELL YOU! GOT IT?! :'''Harley''': Yes, sir. :'''Batman''': ''[turns away, Harley begins making faces at him]'' So far, Joker hasn't been seen in any of his old hideouts. I want you to show me the last place he used when he escaped. ''[catches her making a face, which she replaces with a sheepish grin]'' :'''Harley''': Okay! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Instead of taking you, the cops, and the Batman down separately? I'm gonna blast you all at once! ''[takes out his phone and speaks into it]'' Send down the plane, boys! We're blowing town! Literally. ''[gets off the phone]'' :'''Mayor''': But all those innocent people... :'''Joker''': Some joke on them, eh? Think of it as the ultimate punchline! Ha ha ha ha ha! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': It's lucky you were here, Quinn. The countdown sequence didn't leave Joker enough time to swing by Arkham and pick you up. :'''Joker''': Quiet, brat. :'''Harley''': You ''were'' gonna come for me, weren't you, Puddin'? :'''Joker''': Of course, pumpkin-pie! It's just that... well, here you are, so I can, err, save myself the trip! :'''Harley''': But what about all our friends, Ivy and Two-Face and... Hat-Guy and Lizard-Man and Puppet-Head and-- ''[Joker shoves her into the plane]'' :'''Joker''': What about them? :'''Batman''': Don't forget your little pets! :'''Harley''': ''[gasps]'' The babies! We can't leave the babies! :'''Joker''': ''[shoves Harley into the plane again]'' I'll buy you a goldfish! Let's go! :'''Harley''': ''[struggling]'' NO! :'''Joker''': Why, you little...! :''[Harley kicks him in the face]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley''': ''[points the gun against Joker]'' Freeze, clown! :'''Batman''': Quinn, stop! :'''Harley''': He's mine, Bats! :'''Joker''': ''[grinning]'' You wouldn't dare. You don't have the guts! Not in a million years would you-- :''[Harley pulls the trigger - and a flag that reads "Rat-Tat-Tat" comes out of the barrel. The Joker stares at her for a moment, and throws his arms wide to embrace her]'' :'''Joker''': Baby, you're the greatest! ===''Time Out Of Joint'' [2.8]=== :'''Mayor Hill''': You! How did you get past-- :'''The Clock King''': Good evening, Mayor! Nice to see you again too. And whose life are you ruining now? A poor pensioner? A malnourished orphan, perhaps? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Hill''': Please, Fugate, don't hurt me! :'''The Clock King''': If it's any comfort, my revenge will encompass more than just you. I intend to pass a most timely sentence on the entire judicial system. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': It's a shame that you've decided to keep this device a secret. :'''Dr. Wataki''': It would seem that the world is not quite ready for it yet. :'''Robin''': Gee, that's too bad for Fugate. I'm sure he'll wish he had something to make the days pass quicker where he's going. ===''Catwalk'' [2.9]=== :'''Scarface''': Calm down, pussycat. We're all friends here. ''[to the Ventriloquist]'' Dummy, don't keep our pretty guest in the dark. :'''Ventriloquist''': Yes, sir, Mr. Scarface. ''[turns on the lot, revealing him and Scarface]'' :'''Scarface''': Ah, that's better. :'''Selina Kyle''': ''[gasps]'' You gotta be kidding! ''[laughs]'' :'''Scarface''': What's she laughin' at? My fly ain't open, is it?! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, sir. :'''Scarface''': So what's the gag? :'''Selina Kyle''': Oh come on, you know! ''[in a goofy voice]'' "What's the gag?" :'''Scarface''': ''[aims his gun at Selina]'' Can it, sister! This is Scarface you're dealing with, and I don't stand for no disrespect. :'''Ventriloquist''': I'd do as he says, ma'am. Mr. Scarface can be quite insistent. :'''Scarface''': I don't think anyone's talking to you! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, sir. No, sir. :'''Selina Kyle''': Right... so, what do you want with me? :'''Scarface''': My boys happened to be in the museum when they saw your little set-to with Miss Ronnie V. They also seen you licking your whiskers at the sight of Ronnie's pretty sparklers. :'''Selina Kyle''': You're boring me, log. :''[the Ventrloquist pulls out an envelope from his coat]'' :'''Scarface''': So what if I could provide you with a foolproof plan to snatchin' those rocks with no risk of you gettin' caught? :'''Selina Kyle''': Pass. Kitty's been staying it at night. It's not the greatest, but it beats the pound, if you know what I mean. :'''Scarface''': Now, that's a darn shame. And I thought for sure you'd want a chance to get even with the Vreelands. Not just for yourself, ya understand, but for all those poor little stuffed critters what never had the chance to fight back. :'''Selina Kyle''': Oh, barf. :'''Scarface''': It's a 50/50 cut. Take it or leave it? You in or what? :''[Selina thinks about it for a while then picks up the envelope]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': What a pleasant surprise. Though I should warn you - breaking and entering is against the law. :'''Batman''': You would know. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarface''': [[w:Tweety|I thawt I thaw a putty tat!]] <hr width="50%"/> :''[Catwoman crushes Scarface under some logs]'' :'''Catwoman''': That's one way to remove a splinter. What's wrong, Ventriloquist? Cat got your tongue? :'''Ventriloquist''': Please, I never hurt you! Scarface, he's another person, not me, really! :'''Catwoman''': But he's inside you somewhere. And I'm going to keep scratching until I find him. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': [[w:Just So Stories|I am the cat who walks by herself.]] ===''Bane'' [2.10]=== :'''Thorne''': You almost didn't get paid. You're lucky these diamonds didn't get nabbed in the smuggling bust. :'''[[w:Bane (comics)|Bane]]''': No, Mr. Thorne. You are the lucky one. ''[He punches the punching bag across the room]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': He wrecked my car, Alfred. Between two guys, that's ''real'' personal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bane''': Toys. You try to fight me with pathetic little TOYS. You've got nothing! Beg for mercy! SCREAM MY NAME! :'''Batman''': Never. :'''Bane''': You are beaten! Now I will break you! ===''Baby-Doll'' [2.11]=== :'''Robin''': ''[on "Love That Baby"]'' I remember this show from when I was a kid. It still stinks. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At Wayne Manor, Summer Gleeson is on the telephone talking to Marv Wolfman at her office.]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': I don't care what Mayor Hill says. The people have a right to know, and if he won't talk to us-- ''[Batman drops a photo of Baby-Doll onto her desk]'' I'll call you back, Marv. ''[to Batman and Robin]'' Since when are you interested in has-been actors? :'''Batman''': Since that one's been kidnapping her co-stars. :'''Summer Gleeson''': You're serious? :'''Robin''': She's been picking them off, one by one. Any reason she'd have a grudge? :'''Summer Gleeson''': Actually, ''they'' should hate ''her.'' Dahl put them all out of work when she quit the series to become a "dramatic" actress. :''[Summer plays a video of Mary Dahl playing Lady Macbeth]'' :'''Mary Dahl''': What, will these hands never be clean? Here's the smell of the blood still. All the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand. :'''Robin''': Pee-yew! :'''Summer Gleeson''': That's what the critics said. Baby's dramatic career flopped, and when she tried to start her TV show again, the networks turned her down. :'''Batman''': That still doesn't explain why she's after her old cast. :'''Robin''': ''[picks up a cassette]'' Maybe there's a clue in these old episodes. :'''Summer Gleeson''': You can borrow them if you want. And when you crack the case, you can pay me back with an exclusive... ''[turns to see that they have gone]'' interview. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': Naughty, naughty, Daddys! Mustn't yell at your Baby like thats. :'''Tod Baker''': You're not my daughter, and we're not a family! We're actors, remember?! You cancelled our show because you whined you weren't getting enough attention! :'''Baby-Doll''': ''[putting on a sad face]'' But I knows now I made a boo-boo! ''[sniffles and breaks character]'' It was hard for me out there. I studied and trained and auditioned, but no one wanted me. ''[plays the sound of a crowd going "Aww..." on her tape recorder]'' Over the years, I remembered how happy I was with all of you around me, and the folks at home watching me each week. Me, ''[goes back into her "cute" voice]'' Baby-Doll! ''[giggles]'' Now I'm Baby for good, and everyone will love me agains! Hugs, hugs! :''[Her goons force the actors to share a hug with her, and she plays the "Aww..." again]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': ''[watching episodes of Baby Doll's old TV show]'' Remember that time Poison Ivy nearly smothered us in those vines, with the ''really'' sharp thorns? :'''Batman''': Yes. :'''Robin''': This is worse. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': ''[after her TV brother is rendered unconscious by her bodyguard]'' Sorry I had to play roughs, Tippy. I didn't mean to. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': ''[Mariam kicks Robin around]'' Wow, lady! You're good! :'''Mariam''': It's a living... <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman pursues Baby-Doll in a funhouse tunnel maze]'' :'''Baby-Doll''': Silly Mr. Batman can't catch me! :'''Batman''': Don't run away! I know you're scared, confused - I can help you! :'''Baby-Doll''': Liar, liar, cape on fire! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': Game's over, Mr. Batman! ''[laughs]'' I WIN! ''[Batman fires his grappling gun, knocking the doll-gun down a slide]'' No fair! ''[runs to retrieve it, and stumbles into a room full of fun-house mirrors. Picks up the gun, wandering through the various distorted reflections, until she comes to one that shows her as an adult]'' Look! That's me in there. The ''real'' me! There I am... ''[touches the reflection, and her face changes]'' ...But it's not ''really'' real, is it? Just... made up and pretend, like my family and my life and everything else! ''[turns to face Batman, who stands behind her]'' '''''WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST LET ME MAKE-BELIEVE?!''''' ''[fires at mirrors, and cries after breaking the mirror with her adult reflection. Batman approaches her]'' I didn't ''mean'' to... ===''The Lion And The Unicorn'' [2.12]=== :''[Alfred breaks a chair over a thug's head.]'' :'''Robin''': And here all I thought you dusted was furniture. :'''Alfred''': A [[w:Louis XV|Louis Quinze]]; what a pity. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred Pennyworth''': ''[after being drugged with a truth serum]'' You'll get nothing but gibberish out of me, madam. I come from haunts of cootenfern and knicker sudden Sally. Uh... dee-dum dee-dum dee-dum dee-dum, and bicker down the valley. :'''Red Claw''': And people wonder why no one takes Britain seriously anymore. ===''Showdown'' [2.13]=== :'''Sheriff''': Well, well. Jonah Hex, his own bad self. Been here five minutes and you ain't killed nobody nor set nothin' on fire. Slippin', ain't you? :'''[[w:Jonah Hex|Jonah Hex]]''': I'm still a little bushed. :'''Sheriff''': Fact is, you look a little past it, Hex. Not tired, just all used up. :'''Hex''': Well, when I get pushed, I can still shoot a fly out from between its wings. Provided the light's right, of course... and it's a big ''plump'' fly. :''[The sheriff glances down at his own portly figure. Two other bargoers retreat outside, sensing trouble.]'' :'''Sheriff''': I ain't got nothin' on you, Hex... yet. Just remember, them wanted posters say "dead or alive". You might try "alive" this time. :'''Hex''': First time for everything. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duvall''': It would appear we have ourselves a government spy. A rather disreputable-looking one at that. Well, Mr. Spy, I'd say your plan has failed, and the railroad is doomed. :'''Hex''': I ain't no spy! I'm Jonah Hex, and I don't give a tinker's cuss about no railroad. I've come to get ''you'', Arkady Duvall, on account of what you done to that girl back east. :'''Duvall''': ''[chuckles]'' You mean to say, you've tracked me across ''twelve states'' because of that? :'''Hex''': Well, there's also the matter of a 200 dollar reward. That part don't hurt my feelings none. :'''Duvall''': You're either a liar or a fool. :'''Hex''': I've been known to be foolish, but ain't ''nobody'' calls me a liar and goes to bed happy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hex''': Now! Let's you and me dance. :'''Duvall''': You cannot defeat me. I am a Heidelberg fencing champion. :'''Hex''': My heart's all a-flutter. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duvall''': Five thousand in gold, take it. Leave me be. :'''Hex''': It ain't about money, boy. It's about justice. And I aim to serve you some. :'''Duvall''': Let me live, please! :'''Hex''': I will. Only because it's too much trouble to haul your stinkin' carcass back east. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You left Duvall to his fate a century ago. Why come back for him now? :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Did you really think, detective, that in my six hundred years of life, I would have sired only ''one'' offspring? Even before the Phoenix debacle, I had come to realize that Arkady was too unbalanced and cruel to wisely rule my empire. :'''Batman''': But you couldn't forget about him. :'''Ra's al Ghul''': What father can ever forget his son? Come now, detective, I've still a few good years left. We will cross swords another day. But for now, let me take my boy home. ===''Riddler's Reform'' [2.14]=== :''[After learning about the theft of historical antiquities on TV]'' :'''Riddler''': ''[in Bruce's memory]'' Those are things of the past, Batman. Ancient history that's gone now. I'm a new man! But you probably won't figure that out before it's too late! ''[laughs]'' :'''Bruce''': ''He'' did it. :'''Dick''': Who? :'''Bruce''': The Riddler. Remember what he said: "Things of the past." "Ancient history that's gone now." Look! :'''Dick''': Gee, I don't know. His riddles aren't usually that subtle. Besides, he's got a multimillion dollar deal with that toy company. Why would he throw it away over some stupid riddle crime? :'''Bruce''': Because that's the way his warped mind works. He's obsessed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': He's right, you know. :'''Manny''': Who? :'''Riddler''': Batman. He ''is'' going to catch me, sooner or later. :'''Manny''': Gee, boss, you're scaring me. You're talking kinda crazy. :'''Riddler''': DON'T YOU ''EVER'' CALL ME THAT! I fooled the police, the doctors, the Parole Board - all of them! There's only one person who's ever been able to challenge me: ''BATMAN!'' He's the only one worthy of the game! :'''Manny''': But you said sooner or later he's gonna catch you. What are you gonna do? :'''Riddler''': I'm never going back to Arkham! So I guess there's only one thing to do! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': Hello, Batman. This is it: the end of the game. I'm a little sad actually. You were a worthy opponent. But then, I told you I'd make a ''killing'' at the Toy Fair! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': ''[ranting in a cell in Arkham]'' It's IMPOSSIBLE, I tell you! Impossible! My trap was perfect! How did he do it?! I have to know! SOMEBODY TELL ME! IT'S NOT FAIR! THERE WAS NO WAY, I TELL YOU! NO WAY HE COULD HAVE GOTTEN OUT! SOMEBODY TELL ME! DO YOU HEAR ME?! SOMEBODY TELL ME HOW HE DID IT! I HAVE TO KNOW! '''''I HAVE TO KNOOOOOOOOOW!!!''''' ===''Second Chance'' [2.15]=== :'''Penguin''': And what might ''you'' be doing out there? Catching insects for dinner? :'''Batman''': I'm looking for Two-Face. :'''Penguin''': What, did you lose him? ''[chuckles]'' :'''Batman''': Somebody kidnapped him from Gotham Central tonight. You and he had a disagreement sometime ago, didn't you? :'''Penguin''': It's true. Harvey stole a rare ''avis'' right out from under my beak several months ago. A jewel-encrusted statuette of a two-headed [[w:roc (mythology)|roc]]. It was worth millions. But, my dear rodent, I'd never kidnap a fellow rogue out of his sickbed. It just isn't done. :'''Batman''': Honour among thieves? :'''Penguin''': Absolutely. If I were going to attack Harvey, I'd do it face to face... to face, heh, so to speak. Like THIS! ''[laughs and unleashes his birds on Batman]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You may as well come out. I know everything now. :''[A man emerges, his identity obscured by shadows]'' :'''Batman''': You hated Harvey Dent, and would do anything to destroy him. :''[Lightning flashes, revealing the man to be Two-Face himself]'' :'''Two-Face''': Why not? He was going to destroy me. Just like I'm going to destroy you! ''[attacks him]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Harvey, pull yourself up! :'''Harvey''': I can't! I'll drop the coin! :'''Batman''': Drop it! Save yourself! :'''Harvey''': I... I don't know what to do. The coin won't tell me! :'''Batman''': It can't tell you anything! I switched coins when you grabbed me! :'''Robin''': ''[swings and kicks the thugs out of Batman's way]'' Good thing I decided to tag along after all. :'''Batman''': It's a trick coin! It'll always land on edge! It's ''your'' decision now, Harvey! Life or death? The coin or me? :''[Robin threw the batarang to hit the elevator button to send the thug in an elevator, thunderstruck and Harvey/Two-Face decided to drops the coin]'' :'''Harvey''': Batman, help me. :''[Batman tries to give Harvey a hand, but Two-Face suddenly regains control]'' :'''Two-Face''': Never! ''[punches Batman and falls]'' :'''Batman''': ''HARVEY!!!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harvey''': ''[seen in half-shadow, making him appear to once again be Harvey Dent instead of Two-Face]'' Bruce? Good old Bruce. Always there. You never give up on me. :''[Bruce Wayne smiles and pats Harvey's shoulder before he is escorted away]'' :'''Dick''': He's right. You're always there for him. :'''Bruce''': Yes, just like you're always there for me. :'''Dick''': Hey, what are friends for? ===''Harley's Holiday'' [2.16]=== :'''Scarecrow''': I am the Master of Fear! The Lord of Despair! Cower before me in witless terror! :'''Harley''': Hi, Professor Crane! :'''Scarecrow''': ''[Smiling fondly]'' Good evening, child. ''[To Batman and Robin, furiously]'' Worship me, you fools! Worship me! Scream hosannas of anguish to Scarecrow, the all-terrible God of Fear! ''[Guards take him away]'' :'''Robin''': I think he's getting better. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley''': I'm having a BAD DAY! I'm sick of people trying to shoot me, run me over and blow me up! I didn't even get to keep my new dress - I ACTUALLY PAID FOR IT! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman and Robin take Harley back to Arkham]'' :'''Harley''': ''[sadly]'' [[w:To market, to market|Home again, home again, diggity dig...]] :'''Dr. Joan Leland''': Not for too long, though. Ms. Vreeland dropped the kidnapping charges. With a little more hard work, you should be ready to re-enter society for good. :'''Harley''': Yay... ''[to Batman]'' There's one thing I've gotta know. Why'd you stay with me all day, risking your butt for someone who's never given you anything but trouble? :'''Batman''': I know what it's like to try and rebuild a life. ''[takes her dress out of a bag]'' I had a bad day too, once. :'''Harley''': ''[takes the dress, smiling]'' Nice guys like you shouldn't have bad days. ===''Lock-Up'' [2.17]=== :'''Scarecrow''': Don't take me back there, please! Look at me, Batman! I'm shaking with fear! Me! The Scarecrow! I wasn't even going back to crime this time! I just had to get away from... HIM! :'''[[w:Lock-Up (comics)|Lyle Bolton]]''': I'll take it from here, Batman. Lyle Bolton, Chief of security. Congratulations, Professor Crane. You're the first inmate to escape Arkham under my charge. ''[He grabs Crane by the collar; Crane whimpers]'' You're also the last. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bartholomew''': Miss Quinn? Do you have any complaints against Mr. Bolton? :''[Lyle Bolton sneers threateningly at Harley Quinn]'': :'''Harley Quinn''': I got nothing to say. :'''Bartholomew''': But surely you must have something you wish to- :'''Harley Quinn''': You got a hearing problem or something?! NO! NADA! IXNAY! ZERO! ZILCH! BUPKES! NOTHING! OKAY?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': He threatens us! Takes away our privileges, even when we're good! :'''[[w:Lock-Up (comics)|Lyle Bolton]]''': We've heard enough of this nonsense. :'''Jonathon Crane''': He says scum like us must be kept in line! That's why he chains us down at night and electrifies our doors! :'''Scarface''': He held me over a can filled with a termites! Ya hear me?! ''TERMITES!'' :'''Harley Quinn''': He's an animal! :'''Ventriloquist''': A monster! :'''Jonathon Crane''': Keep him away! :'''Lyle Bolton''': '''SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU!''' :''[The guards retrain Lyle Bolton, he kicks the table, resists the guards and attack and them; he threatens to kill the inmates, and Bruce Wayne trips him with the chair]'' :'''Lyle Bolton''': You're all scum! You should be beaten within an inch of your misbegotten lives! :'''Bartholomew''': I've seen enough! ''[pounds the gravel]'' Lyle Bolton, you're dismissed! :'''Lyle Bolton''': Before I came here, Arkham was a revolving door for every maniac in Gotham. ''I'' kept them in! '''ME!''' Now I realize I was wrong to punish those pathetic miscreants! '''THEY'RE ONLY SYMPTOMS! ''YOU'RE'' THE CAUSE! THE GUTLESS POLICE, MINDLESS BUREAUCRATS, AND CODDLING DOCTORS! YOU SHOULD ALL BE LOCKED UP IN A CAGE WITHOUT A KEY!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lock Up''': I could have rid Gotham of the fools in city hall and the police department! We could have made our own order! :'''Batman''': I was born to fight your brand of order! :'''Lock Up''': If that's your decision...! ===''Make 'Em Laugh'' [2.18]=== :'''Dispatcher''': Disturbance reported at the top of the Crown restaurant. Suspect is a male costumed extremist armed with what appears to be a... ketchup gun. :'''Batman''': It's going to be one of those nights. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Condiment King''': So long, suckers! Parting is such "sweet-and-sour" sorrow. ''[Batman yanks away his loot bag]'' What's this? Ah! The big bad Bat-guy. I knew you'd "ketchup" to me sooner or later. How I've "relished" this meeting. You, the dynamic Dark Knight, versus me, the conceptual Condiment King! Come, Batman. Let's see if you can "cut the mustard". :'''Batman''': Quiet! ''[punches the King in the stomach]'' :'''Condiment King''': ''[slumps to ground, gasping]'' You hit me! :'''Batman''': Now listen, Mustard Man, or whatever you call yourself. You're obviously new at this, so I'm willing to go easy on you, provided you give back the loot and never even think about doing this again. Deal? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Buddy's agent''': I don't get it. Buddy's just thrown his entire career away. The network's cancelling his show and the restaurant's suing him for a million dollars. Why did he do it? It just doesn't make sense. ===''Deep Freeze'' [2.19]=== :'''Batman''': Men like Walker are obsessed with getting their own way. And they don't let little things like the ''law'' stop them. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grant Walker''': Do you realize that in your half-frozen state, you will age more slowly than an ordinary human? You're practically immortal, my friend! :'''Mr. Freeze''': Yes, eternal life trapped in this wretched shell! What a miserable joke. :'''Grant Walker''': Miserable to you, but a godsend to me. Look at me, Mr. Freeze, I'm an old man. I've created wonders in my lifetime, but there is still so much to do! I want to change as you have. To become, like you, a being of blessed, eternal cold. :'''Mr. Freeze''': You're insane. :'''Grant Walker''': Only you know how to duplicate the accident that made you what you are. What I long to become! :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[grabs him]'' You want to live like this? Abandoned and alone? A prisoner in a world you can see but never touch? ''[drops him and turns away]'' Old and infirm as you are, I'd trade a thousand of my frozen years for your worst day. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grant Walker''': Every time I open a park, I get gatecrashers. :'''Batman''': We've seen your insane vision of the future, Walker. :'''Grant Walker''': My world will have no crime, violence or pain. :'''Robin''': You can add free will to that list too! :'''Grant Walker''': A small price to pay for order. :'''Batman''': ''Your'' order! For your select few! :'''Grant Walker''': Excuse me, but I fail to see the problem with that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You can't let Walker do this. Billions of people will perish! :'''Mr. Freeze''': That's not my concern. All that matters is I once again have my wife, and the means to restore her. :'''Batman''': She'll wake up in a dead, frozen world that ''you'' helped destroy. She'll ''hate'' you for that! :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''Silence.'' :'''Batman''': You think you're alone now? Wait until she learns the truth. :'''Mr. Freeze''': '''I SAID ''SILENCE!''''' ''[blasts at Batman and Robin, knocking them backward, then turns back to Nora with a saddened face]'' Forgive me... ''[frees Batman and Robin]'' Come, there is much to do. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Dick recovers from hypothermia]'' :'''Dick''': Man, if I spent any more time in that immersion tank, I'd be growing gills. :'''Bruce''': I'm just glad I was able to get you back here in time. :'''Dick''': Thanks. For a while I thought I'd end up like Walker, trapped in a ice cube forever. What about Mr. Freeze? Do you think he's gone for good? :'''Bruce''': I'm not sure. But if Freeze's condition has made him truly immortal... we may not have seen the last of him. ===''Batgirl Returns'' [2.20]=== :'''Catwoman''': Bats are just mice with wings, little girl. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Batgirl|Batgirl]]''': So, what are you going to do? Leave us over one of these vats with acid burning through the rope? :'''Daggett''': ''[Laughs]'' If there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's that you crime-fighting types are very resourceful. So, I'll just have my men shoot you and throw your bodies in the vats. == About ''{{PAGENAME}}'' == *'''PD''': If I had to differentiate between [Batman and Superman], I'd say Superman is sort of about hope. You've got this guy who's an alien and not truly human, but he personifies all the best qualities of humanity. He's sort of an example of what it would be nice to be like. We would all like to be like Superman. We would all like to have power, compassion, the ability to settle problems in a good way, and maybe [be able to] wink to ourselves about how nobody else besides us knows we really have this secret power and we keep it ourselves. There's not a lot of angst with Superman. If there is, it's more like, "I wish I could tell Lois who I really was." Batman is how you'd like to be if you [could] break someone's neck: "I'm pissed off, and I want to go out and do something about it." Superman waits for trouble to happen, and then he goes off and stops the problem. Batman's looking for trouble; he doesn't really start it, but he's out there looking. And if he sees something going on, he just jumps into the middle of it. :'''JA''': Batman's sort of a sociopath too. :'''PD''': He's absolutely a sociopath. He's a sociopath with a lot of money, and he's got a sense of right and wrong. I don't think he's totally bereft of some sort of compassion or feeling for some of the villains. He doesn't go after somebody like Mr. Freeze without a small bit of compassion for the man, or maybe someone like the Mad Hatter, or even Harley, whom he thinks is certainly a pain in the ass, but I think he kind of wishes she'd get her act together and wise up at some point. <br> But with darker characters like the Scarecrow and the Joker, he's basically out to make sure they never get out again - whatever it takes to take them down. Somebody like the Joker is probably the least human of all of Batman's Rogues Gallery. That was why I never wanted to do a story that humanizes the Joker, like we did with the Mad Hatter or Mr. Freeze, because I just don't think the character lends itself to that. He's almost supernatural in a way; he's somebody who's just thoroughly insane, who does what he wants to do, and who has a grudge against Batman. He probably likes horrifying people with his clownish appearance as much as Batman terrorizes criminals with his nightmare-like appearance. The Joker is pretty inhuman. I'd say the same thing about the Scarecrow. He is someone who really gets turned on by scaring people. He's like the anti-Batman. He's a weak, very unimposing man until he puts on the Scarecrow costume, and then goes out and gasses people with fear gas, and he watches them squirm. There's probably a big turn-on seeing people helpless in front of him screaming in fear. *'''PD''': When [[w:Tim Burton|Tim Burton]]'s ''[[Batman (1989 film)|Batman]]'' came out, that was the way to go. Now [[w:Joel Schumacher|Joel Schumacher]]'s [[Batman Forever|Batman]] is out there, and people are flocking to the movies, so they"re saying, "Can you lighten up the show a little bit? Can you have more fun with it?" So that's what we were charged with doing, and that's what we've done: to lighten up the color palette a little bit, so that every character's not just in dark colors. Robin, for instance, is now black, red, and gold, instead of green. Nightwing is black and a light, almost iridescent, blue. We've also given it a little more of a kid-friendly look. :* [[w:Paul Dini|Paul Dini]], [http://animationarena.com/batman_the_animated_series.html "Batman: The Animated Series"], ''Animation Arena''. * The thing with the Batman show—even though it's one of the most beautiful and well-written shows, and it really gets into Batman—is that it doesn't really move that fast. The fight scenes aren't that intense, and it doesn't really go actiony. There's a lot of walking and talking in it. It looks great, but it needs that kick of having action. And I think that's another thing that kids are picking up on: For the first time, you're actually seeing superheroes really fight bad guys. In a lot of the cartoons when I was growing up, like [[w:Super Friends|Super Friends]], there was no fighting of bad guys. They would just get sent off to jail. It was wacky, it was silly, it wasn't intense, and there wasn't real fighting and stuff in it. ** [[w:Craig McCracken|Craig McCracken]] [http://www.avclub.com/article/the-powerpuff-girls-13665 "The Powerpuff Girls"], Keith Phipps, ''A.V.Club'', Jun 21, 2000. == Cast == * [[Kevin Conroy]] - [[w:Batman|Bruce Wayne/Batman]] * [[w:Loren Lester|Loren Lester]] - [[w:Dick Grayson|Dick Grayson/Robin]] * [[w:Melissa Gilbert|Melissa Gilbert]] - [[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara Gordon/Batgirl]] * [[w:Clive Revill|Clive Revill]]/[[w:Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.|Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.]] - [[w:Alfred Pennyworth|Alfred Pennyworth]] * [[w:Bob Hastings|Bob Hastings]] - [[w:James Gordon (comics)|Commissioner James Gordon]] * [[w:Robert Costanzo|Robert Costanzo]] - [[w:Harvey Bullock (comics)|Detective Harvey Bullock]] * [[w:Ingrid Oliu|Ingrid Oliu]]/Liane Schirmer - [[w:Renee Montoya|Officer Renee Montoya]] * [[Mark Hamill]] - [[w:The Joker (comics)|The Joker]] * [[w:Arleen Sorkin|Arleen Sorkin]] - [[w:Harley Quinn|Dr. Harleen Quinzel/Harley Quinn]] * [[Paul Williams (songwriter)|Paul Williams]] - [[w:Penguin (comics)|Oswald Cobblepot/The Penguin]] * [[Adrienne Barbeau]] - [[w:Catwoman|Selina Kyle/Catwoman]] * [[w:John Glover (actor)|John Glover]] - [[w:Riddler|Edward Nygma/The Riddler]] * [[w:Richard Moll|Richard Moll]] - [[w:Two-Face (comics)|Harvey Dent/Two-Face]] * [[w:George Dzundza|George Dzundza]] - [[w:The Ventriloquist (comics)|Arnold Wesker/The Ventriloquist/Scarface]] * [[w:Henry Silva|Henry Silva]] - [[w:Bane (comics)|Bane]] * [[w:Aron Kincaid|Aron Kincaid]] - [[w:Killer Croc|Killer Croc]] * [[w:Marc Singer|Marc Singer]] - [[w:Man-Bat|Dr. Kirk Langstrom/Man-Bat]] * [[w:Ron Perlman|Ron Perlman]] - [[w:Clayface|Matt Hagen/Clayface]] * [[w:Diane Pershing|Diane Pershing]] - [[w:Poison Ivy (comics)|Dr. Pamela Isley/Poison Ivy]] * [[w:Henry Polic II|Henry Polic II]] - [[w:Scarecrow (DC comics)|Dr. Jonathan Crane/The Scarecrow]] * [[w:Roddy McDowall|Roddy McDowall]] - [[w:Mad Hatter|Dr. Jervis Tetch/The Mad Hatter]] * [[w:Michael Ansara|Michael Ansara]] - [[w:Mr. Freeze|Dr. Victor Freeze/Mr. Freeze]] * [[David Warner (actor)|David Warner]] - [[w:Ra's al Ghul|Ra's al Ghul]] ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} {{Batman}} [[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated superhero TV shows]] [[Category:Animated Batman TV shows]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Animated television programs based on Detective Comics]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Fox Broadcasting Company animated television series]] [[Category:Television series by Warner Bros. Animation]] ptk1823dtc87btb0sv7u5ybouevyu8j 3778913 3778912 2025-07-14T22:40:08Z 81.151.41.137 /* The Cat And The Claw Part 2 [1.16] */ 3778913 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Batman-_The_Animated_Series_logo.svg|thumb|I am [[vengeance]]. I am the [[night]]. I am, '''[[Batman|BATMAN]]'''!]] {{italic title}} '''''[[W:Batman: The Animated Series|Batman: The Animated Series]]''''' is an American animated superhero television series based on the [[DC Comics]] superhero Batman. It was succeeded by ''[[The Adventures of Batman & Robin]]'' and ''[[The New Batman Adventures]]''; the first production in the [[w:DC Animated Universe|DC Animated Universe]]. ==Season 1== ===''On Leather Wings'' [1.1]=== :'''Batman''': ''[reading the paper]'' "Gotham Police Declare War on Batman"? :'''Alfred''': I gather you've been reading ''[[w:How to Win Friends and Influence People|How to Make Friends and Influence People]]''? :'''Batman''': Somebody's setting me up. :'''Alfred''': My heavens. You mean it ''wasn't'' you tossing guards out of windows last night? :'''Batman''': ''[amused]'' I only toss butlers, Alfred. <hr width='50%'/> :'''[[w:Rene Auberjonois|Dr. March]]''': You donate a few million, and you think you own the place. I understand I'm to analyse something for you? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Yeah, doc. See, I keep hearing squeaks in my chimney, and I found these in my empty fireplace. They look like hairs. I thought maybe you could tell me if I have a bat problem. :'''Dr. March''': And what if they are bats, Mr. Wayne? What then? Destroy them like insects? We won't survive the next evolutionary cataclysm, but bats will! They're survivors, Mr. Wayne, not pests! You should understand that! <hr width='50%'/> :'''Dr. Kirk Langstrom''': ''[enters laboratory upon hearing noises]'' Who's back there? ''[spots Batman]'' You...! :'''Batman''': I'm looking for Dr. March. :'''Langstrom''' He's not here, Batman. :'''Batman''': Where is he? :'''Langstrom''': Giving a lecture on human extinction and bat evolution. He's really quite brilliant. :'''Batman''': He's misguided, and a thief. ''[holds up a vial of the serum]'' :'''Langstrom''': He's just a theorist, he was afraid to put it to the test. But I wasn't. I knew he'd discovered a formula to create a totally new species, neither man nor bat. And once I started taking it, I couldn't stop. I desperately wanted to, but... ''it'' took over. Francine and March tried to protect me, but it was too late. The beast knew what chemicals were needed to bring itself about! It was out of my control! And it only needs one more component to complete the process! ''[voice lowering]'' It's in ''ME'', Batman! ''[laughs maniacally and begins to change into Man-Bat]'' <hr width='50%'/> :'''Bullock''': Let's go! :'''Lieutenant''': I can’t do it, sir! :'''Bullock''': Whaddaya mean "you can’t do it"?! :'''Lieutenant''': I just got word not to let you up without the Commissioner! :'''Bullock''': Who told you that?! :'''Lieutenant''': The Commissioner! ''[points at Gordon as he arrives]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Get out, Detective! The Mayor may not let me fire you, but I am ''not'' taking the heat for your fiasco! :'''Bullock''': This is my case, Commissioner! You heard the Mayor! :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Then why don't you go take it up with him?! I've got a job to do! If you wanna tag along, fine! ''[gets into the helicopter]'' Take her up, Lieutenant! :'''Bullock''': ''[trying to clamber in as it takes off]'' Hey! Wait for me! ===''Christmas With The Joker'' [1.2]=== :''[the Arkham Asylum inmates practice signing Jingle Bells as other inmates set up a giant Christmas tree]'' :'''Joker''': Jingle bells! Batman smells! Robin laid an egg! ''[gets a tree-topper and climbs to install it]'' The Batmobile lost a wheel and the Jo-ker got a-wa-a-a-ay! ''[attaches the ornament and the Christmas Tree ignites, revealed as a rocket. Joker clambers at it launches]'' Crashing through the roof! In a one-horse-open tree! Busting out I go! Laughing all the WHEEEEE! ''[the "rocket-tree" flies off into the distance as he sings]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the Christmas with the Joker show]'' :'''Joker''': Rumor has it, Christmas is a time to share with family. :'''Laugh track''': Yea! :'''Joker''': And since I don't have one of my own... :'''Laugh track''': Aww... :'''Joker''': I decided to STEAL one! :'''Laugh track''': Yea! :'''Joker''': And here they are: The Awful Lawful Family! ''[lights turn on and reveal Gordon, Summer, and Bullock tied up and gagged]'' Aren't they just the cutest family you've ever seen? :'''Batman''': ''[watching in the Batmobile]'' It's never easy with the Joker. :'''Joker''': Meet Daddy Lawful! ''[ungags Gordon]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': YOU DISEASED MANIAC! I'LL- ''[Joker gags him again]'' :'''Joker''': Hmm. Looks like I'll have to teach Daddy some manners. And here's Mommy Lawful! ''[ungags Summer]'' :'''Summer Gleason''': HELP! SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP US- ''[Joker gags her again]'' :'''Joker''': Ho ho ho, isn't she jolly? And here we have little Baby Lawful! Coochie coochie coo! ''[ungags Bullock]'' :'''Detective Bullock''': WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, I'LL RIP YOUR- ''[Joker gags him again]'' :'''Joker''': I'll bet Batman wishes he had a family just like mine. Personally I think relatives are a bore, so Batman can have them... ''[points to clock showing 10:30PM] if'' he can find them by midnight! Otherwise... ''[makes a throat-slashing motion and laughs]'' ===''Nothing To Fear'' [1.3]=== :''[Bruce is introduced to Dr. Long and he offers a handshake]'' :'''Dr. Long''': ''[looks at hand and pouts off]'' Your father and I attended university together. He had big plans for you. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Well, I guess he'd be pleased. Wayne Industries is more prosperous than ever. :'''Dr. Long''': Pleased? When your father was alive, Wayne was a name that commanded great respect. Now all Wayne stands for is a self-centered jet-setting playboy. It's lucky your father didn't live to see what you've done to his good name. He'd have died of shame. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Scarecrow sprays a security guard with gas]'' :'''Guard''': Stop! What the-- No! No, spiders! Get them offa me! No! NO! ''[cowers in fear]'' :'''Anthony''': What did you do to him, boss? :'''[[w:Scarecrow (DC Comics)|Scarecrow]]''': I merely helped him visualize his innermost terror, which is obviously [[w:arachnophobia|arachnophobia]]. :'''Nigel''': A-whack-a-what? :'''Scarecrow''': Arachnophobia! Fear of spiders, you dimwitted dropout! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': It seems I have underestimated the Batman, but at least the University is finished. :'''Anthony''': Gee, boss, I never liked school, but, uh, how come you hate the university so much? :'''Scarecrow''': They tried to destroy me. :'''Nigel''': You mean they kicked you out 'cause you weren't smart enough? :'''Scarecrow''': No, you simpleton! ''[pinches Nigel's broken nose]'' :'''Nigel''': Ow! :'''Scarecrow''': I taught there. I was a professor of psychology, specializing in phobias. Inducing terror has always intrigued me. Even as a boy, I loved to frighten things. People, animals, it was all the same. I became obsessed with fear's crippling power. Later, when I became their leading Professor of Subliminal Psychology at the University, I began performing experiments on fear and its subsequent effects. Dr. Long thought I went too far - he called me a lunatic. So now, they will learn the true nature of horror! :'''Anthony''': ''[to Nigel]'' Wow, he's a real professor. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman has been exposed to Scarecrow's fear toxin]'' :'''Thomas Wayne''': Bruce... :'''Batman''': No... not now... :'''Thomas Wayne''': You are a disgrace! ''[turns into the [[w:Grim Reaper|Grim Reaper]]]'' :'''Batman''': No... You are NOT my father. I am NOT a disgrace! I am vengeance, I am the night. I...AM...'''BATMAN!''' ===''The Last Laugh'' [1.4]=== :'''Summer Gleeson''': I'm here in Downtown Gotham where corporate CEOs have gone stark, raving mad. It would appear that the collapse of the stock market is now imminent. The question is: Will [[April Fools' Day]] mark the end of Gotham City as we know it? :'''Joker''': The only things gaining now are the laughing stocks! ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[After trapping Batman in a sealed garbage can]'' :'''Joker''': I just love these new Ziploc seals! We wouldn't want our little caged rodent to suffocate, so we'll just ''[draws a knife]'' PUNCH SOME AIRHOLES! ''[laughing, he stabs holes in the can, with Batman being forced to dodge each one]'' Okay, Captain! Give 'er the old heave-ho! ''[Captain Clown salutes and throws the can into the river, where it starts to flood and sink]'' Oops! Looks like our airholes are waterholes too! ''[smirking at the viewer]'' What a shame! ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Justice is served hot, Batman! You're going to melt just like a grilled-cheese sandwich! :''[The Joker tries to send Batman falling into the furnace with a cascade of garbage, but Batman escapes and swings to safety on his grappling hook]'' :'''Batman''': Justice ''will'' be served, Joker. :'''Joker''': Service with a SMILE?! ''[tosses a razor card at Batman, who dodges it just in time]'' :'''Batman''': Clean up your act, Joker. :'''Joker''': Oh, that's a joke, right? Batman finally told a joke! ''[laughing, the Joker draws another card and flings it, but Batman catches it with a smirk. With a gasp of shock, the Joker tries to flee, but gets his food caught on a cable and he ends up dangling over the furnace]'' BATMAN! YOU WOULDN'T LET ME FRY, WOULD YOU?! ''[Batman leans on the railing, pretending to consider it] '''BATMAN!''' [Batman pulls him up]'' ===''Pretty Poison'' [1.5]=== :'''Dent''': So, what do you think? :'''Bruce''': Does she have a sister? :'''Dent''': Nope. Pam's one of a kind. That's why I asked her to marry me. :'''Bruce''': ''[spits out his water upon hearing this]'' WHAT?! :'''Dent''': Yup, that's the page one headline. Hey... is it starting to get warm? :'''Bruce''': You're still flushed from that last kiss. Harvey, you just met her last week! :'''Dent''': And I already know she's the one. Gosh, it's hot in here... :'''Bruce''': Marriage is a major step, Harvs. Don't you think you're rushing it? :'''Dent''': No way. The moment I laid eyes on Pam, her love hit me right in the face. ''[falls right into the food he ordered]'' :'''Bruce''': ''[laughs]'' Harvey, you've lost your mind. Knock it off. ''[sees him unresponsive]'' Harv? Harvey! ''[Later sees Harvey carried into an ambulance and climbs inside]'' Hang on, Harvey. Hang on. <hr width=50%"/> :'''Bullock''': So what'd you put in this mousse?! :'''Chef''': Chocolate, sugar, eggs, cream... :'''Bullock''': STRYCHNINE?! :'''Chef''': No, no, no strychnine. But I added just a pinch of vanilla. :'''Bullock''': ''[turns to a waiter, frustrated]'' You know who did it?! TALK! :'''Waiter''': Hey, I just clean the dishes, okay? <hr width=50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[chuckles]'' Batman! A late night rendezvous? To what do I owe the honor? :'''Batman''': ''[struggling against Ivy's giant flytrap]'' Harvey Dent! :'''Poison Ivy''': Oh, the poor district attorney. I hear he's not expected to live. Oh, it's so sad... ''[feigns crying, which quickly turns to insane laughter]'' :'''Batman''': Why, Isley? :'''Poison Ivy''': Oh, please, call me Poison Ivy. You see, Harvey had to pay for his crime. :'''Batman''': What crime? :'''Poison Ivy''': Why, murder, of course! Plowing up a field of beautiful wildflowers for that silly penitentiary of his. This little rose would be extinct today if I hadn't saved my precious from those horrible bulldozers! The blood of those flowers are on his hands! ''[calms down after her tantrum]'' So his fate was sealed ''[applies lipstick]'' ...with a kiss. And now, so is yours. ''[Ivy's plant holds Batman still as she kisses him; he tries to spit away the poison]'' Oh, what's wrong? Afraid I have cooties? ''[laughs]'' Oh, now you've gone and hurt my feelings. Too bad. I was going to share the antidote with you. ''[opens a bottle and waves it under his nose]'' Lovely fragrance, don't you think? ''[applies a drop to her face]'' I call it "Rose From the Dead". <hr width=50%"/> :''[In a cell in Arkham]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': They can bury me in the ground, as deep as they like. But I'll grow back. ''[to her rose]'' We ''always'' grow back. Don't we, baby? ===''The Underdwellers'' [1.6]=== :'''Sewer King''': Lesson number one is: NOOOOO TAAAALKING! Children are to be seen and not heard. We are the Underdwellers. We are the silent ones. We follow the invisible creed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sewer King''': Frog! The rolls, if you please. :''[Another boy nervously steps over with them; the Sewer King grabs his wrist angrily]'' :'''Sewer King''': You're not Frog! Where is he?! He's not here! ''[smacks the bowl of rolls away]'' NOT HERE! And after all I've done for you ungrateful little monsters! I took you in when nobody else would have you! It is I who care for you! I who provide for you! And only I WHO KNOWS WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU! Would you rather I sent you back into the light? Back to those who hurt you, and sent you away? :''[The children tearfully shake their heads; the Sewer King pushes the dinner table over with a loud crash]'' :'''Sewer King''': THERE WILL BE NOTHING TO EAT UNTIL FROG IS FOUND! NOW OUT WITH YOU! ''OUT WITH YOU!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I don't know what kind of barbarian did this to you, but it's over. And from now on, you'll be treated like human beings. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sewer King''': ''[clapping]'' Bravo. Bravo. You've caused me great distress, you evil bat, yes, yes, yes, you have! You've hurt my pretty pets, and you've frightened my beloved children! :'''Batman''': ''[incredulous and disgusted]'' "Beloved children"?! :'''Sewer King''': Yes! I feed them, I clothe them, I discipline them, and I teach them a trade! And now, I will teach ''you'' something! :''[He stamps on Batman's hands, but Batman swings under the pipe and kicks him from behind, causing him to fall off]'' :'''Batman''': Grab my hand! :'''Sewer King''': ''NEVER!'' :''[He falls into the water, where the alligators close in and seemingly devour him]'' :'''Batman''': A gruesome fate for a gruesome man. :''[He hears the Sewer King laughing, and sees him with the alligators, unharmed]'' :'''Sewer King''': I rather enjoyed it! I told you, they're my pretties! ''[pets one, laughing]'' Have a nice swim! :''[Batman swings over to chase him, narrowly missing the alligators' jaws]'' :'''Batman''': Later. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman pulls the Sewer King out of the way of an oncoming train]'' :'''Sewer King''': Why? Why?! ''Why?!'' :'''Batman''': ''[seething with anger]'' I don't pass sentence. That's for the courts. But this time - ''this time'' - I am ''sorely tempted'' to do the job myself! ===''P.O.V.'' [1.7]=== :''[after Batman grapples up a crane with Officer Montoya to safety]'' :'''Batman''': Are you alright? :''[Machine gun bullets hit around Batman and Officer Montoya, causing both of them to duck]'' :'''Officer Montoya''': Dandy. :'''Batman''': Then don't go away. :'''Officer Montoya''': ''[Batman leaves as more machine gun bullets hit. Montoya stays down]'' Count on it. <hr width="50%"/> :''[after Commissioner Gordon congratulates Officer Montoya for foiling the dock heist with Batman's aid]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': I have to hand it to you, Montoya. You and the Batman really turned this thing around. :'''Patrolman Wilkes''': Yeah, what a [[wikt:collar|collar]]! You didn't just bust 'em, you put the whole gang out of commission. ''[Lieutenant Hackle appears to accuse Montoya]'' :'''Lieutenant Hackle''': What collar? She's suspended! ''[Gordon angrily grabs Heckle]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': This [[wikt:farce|farce]] has gone far enough, Hackle! We apprehended the suspects and recovered our money. The investigation is closed! ''[He grabs three confiscated police badges out of Hackle's suit pocket and shoves him aside. He hands the badges to Officer Montoya]'' Officer Montoya earned this collar. :'''Officer Montoya''': The collar belongs to all three of us, Commissioner. It was a team effort. ''[Montoya accepts hers and hands Wilkes back his badge]'' :'''Patrolman Wilkes''': Gee... thanks, partner! :'''Detective Bullock''': ''[grumbling under his breath]'' Yeah, yeah... :'''Officer Montoya''': What was that, Bullock? ''[happily gives badge to Bullock]'' :'''Detective Bullock''': ''[reluctantly hesitates, accepts his badge]'' I said... Thanks a lot, Montoya. ===''The Forgotten'' [1.8]=== :'''Bruce''': What is this? :'''Smith''': If it's moving, it's a rat. If it isn't, it's a cooked rat. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': ''[Alfred flies the Batwing to the tracking device's location]'' This must be the place! Bring us down! :'''Batwing Computer''': Negative. :'''Alfred''': ''[pressing buttons madly]'' But Master Bruce is down there! We HAVE to land! :'''Computer''': Impossible. Area too confined. :'''Alfred''': ''[pounds the console]'' Land, you bucket of bolts! :'''Computer''': Your funeral. :'''Alfred''': Oh, dear...! ''[The Batwing flies down abruptly. Bruce, escaping the mine, sees the Batwing fly over]'' :'''Bruce''': ''[Smiles]'' Son of a gun! :''[The Batwing reaches a flat area near Bruce and lands. The cockpit opens.]'' :'''Computer''': Watch your step. :'''Alfred''': ''[tumbles out, dazed]'' [[w:Juan Rodriguez Cabrillo|I-I-I claim this land... for Spain]]. ''[collapses]'' ===''Be A Clown'' [1.9]=== :'''Jordan''': How can I get to be a great magician like you, Jekko? :'''"Jekko"''': Well, there are three steps! Step one: run away. Step two: find a magician with a great act. And step three: ''steal it.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Summer Gleason''': ''[reporting on TV]'' Denying reports of a bomb blast at his son's birthday party, Mayor Hill insists the explosion was caused by faulty electrical wiring. :'''"Jekko"''': Yeah! RIGHT! ''[laughs]'' :'''Summer Gleason''': The Mayor declined, however, to confirm that his son Jordan was missing. :'''"Jekko"''': Missing? :'''Jordan''': ''[coming into view]'' It's me, Jekko. I ran away. :'''"Jekko"''': You did '''WHAT?!?''' :'''Jordan''': I want to be a magician, like you. :'''"Jekko"''': Why, you... ''[laughs]'' Well, kid, you got step one right! Come on in. I've been thinking about a protégé. <hr width="50%"/> :'''"Jekko"''': ''[sees Batman approaching on a monitor]'' Well, if it ain't the Caped Coconut... :'''Jordan''': My dad says Batman's no good. :'''"Jekko"''': Well, then I guess your dad's not a ''total'' idiot! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman is trapped inside a tank filled with water, complete with a straitjacket and leg restraints]'' :'''"Jekko"''': For your viewing pleasure, we present... the infamous water tank trap! The great [[w:Harry Houdini|Houdini]] survived such a test. Dare we demand less of the Batman?! :'''Jordan''': I don't like this, Jekko... :'''"Jekko"''': Quiet, kid, it's a free ticket. :''[Batman manages to free the sleeves of the jacket]'' :'''Jordan''': ''[clapping]'' He did it! He got free! :'''"Jekko"''': They don't make straitjackets like they used to. ''[grinning]'' I should know... :''[Batman wriggles out of the jacket and undoes the leg restraints, but struggles to break the glass]'' :'''Jordan''': He can't get out! What's the trick? :'''"Jekko"''': That's just it! THERE IS NO TRICK! :'''Jordan''': No! He'll drown! :''[Jordan grabs an axe and strikes the side of the tank to try and free Batman, but "Jekko" takes the axe away]'' :'''"Jekko"/Joker''': That's why they call it the FINALE! ''[throws down the axe and discards his "Jekko the Clown" mask]'' Now sit down and enjoy the show! ===''Two-Face Part 1'' [1.10]=== :'''[[w:John Vernon|Rupert Thorne]]''': All men have something to hide. The brighter the picture, the darker the negative. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Dent's raid on Thorne has been aborted by the judge due to supposed lack of reliable evidence]'' :'''Dent''': No! NO! '''I SPENT ''THREE MONTHS'' ON THAT RAID!''' He can't overturn! The fool! HE'S ''BEEN BOUGHT! LIKE ALL THE REST!'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[tries to restrain him]'' Harvey, please try to calm down. This sort of behavior doesn't run well with the voters- :'''Dent''': ''LET GO OF ME, YOU RICH TWIT!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dent''': Stealing someone's psychiatric file is pretty low, Thorne! Even for a swine like you! :'''Rupert Thorne''': But it makes for such fascinating reading. Listen to this, boys. Says here that when Harvey was a little boy, he was bothered by a bully. Every day the bully would bug him after school, until one day little Harvey got so mad, he slugged him one. :'''Thorne's Thugs''': Oooh! :'''Rupert Thorne''': Of course, the bully ran away, which made little Harvey very proud. Until he heard that the bully was in the hospital. :'''Candace''': That was some punch. :'''Rupert Thorne''': ''[chuckles]'' That's what Harvey thought. Except the guy was in the hospital for appendicitis! ''[chuckles again]'' But poor Harvey felt so guilty, he never showed his anger again. And that was the start of "Big Bad Harv". :'''Dent''': What do you want? :'''Rupert Thorne''': Just a few favors from the D.A.'s office. :'''Dent''': You're dreaming. :'''Rupert Thorne''': Otherwise, as a concerned citizen, I'd be compelled to give this to the press. After all, the people of Gotham have a right to know the kind of person... or should I say "persons", they've elected. So, what do you say, Harvey? Do we have a deal? :''[Harvey's face has contorted in building rage the entire time, but suddenly relaxes into deceptive docility]'' :'''Dent''': There's just one problem. :'''Rupert Thorne''': What's that? :'''Dent''': ''[in Big Bad Harv's voice]'' '''''You're talking to the wrong Harvey.''''' ===''Two-Face Part 2'' [1.11]=== :''[In a nightmare, Harvey is being chased by a dark shadow. He suddenly realizes he is standing on a collapsing wooden bridge]'' :'''Harvey Dent''': Stay back! ''[the shadow reveals itself to be Batman, pleading for Harvey's help]'' :'''Batman''': Harvey, please, let me help you! :'''Harvey Dent''': You?! You saw what was happening! You knew that something was terribly wrong with me! I thought you were my friend! You should have been able to help me--but you didn't! ''[Harvey covers his face with his two hands, now transformed into Two-Face]'' :'''Two-Face''': ''NOW LOOK AT ME!!'' :'''Batman''': But I tried, Harvey. I... ''[the bridge pulls itself apart, causing Two-Face to fall off]'' Harvey! :'''Two-Face''': ''[Plummets into an abyss of glowing red light] WHY COULDN'T YOU SAVE ME...?!!'' :''[Batman looks down the edge and gasps with horrified shock. He instead sees his late parents Thomas and Martha Wayne underneath a single lamppost. They both raise their heads in sadness]'' :'''Thomas Wayne''': Why couldn't you save us, son? :''[Bruce wakes up, sweating with fear. He then turns to a photo of Two-Face from a newspaper]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': So what are you dreaming tonight, Harvey? Peaceful dreams? Nightmares? Maybe both at once. Sleep well, my friend. Whether you are, whatever you've become... I ''will'' save you. I swear. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Two-Face''': This is my world now. A dichotomy of order and chaos - just like me. :'''Grace''': Harvey, what's happened to your mind, your feelings? You used to listen to your feelings. :'''Two-Face''': ''[flipping his coin]'' This is what I listen to now. ''Chance,'' Grace. Chance is everything. Whether you're born or not, whether you live or die, whether you're good or bad... it's all arbitrary. :'''Grace''': That's nonsense, Harvey. Was it chance that made you District Attorney? Was it chance that made you fall in love with me? Take control of your life, Harvey. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Two-Face grabs a tommy gun and aims at a defenceless Thorne]'' :'''Rupert Thorne''': No! Two-Face, don't! ''[to Batman]'' You can't let him! :'''Grace''': Harvey! What are you doing?! :'''Two-Face''': Taking control of my life. :'''Batman''': Let the law handle it. :'''Two-Face''': "The law"?! ''[takes out his coin]'' Here's the only law! The law of averages! The great equalizer! :''[Two-Face flips the coin, but Batman throws out a crate of other coins, and Two-Face's is lost among them as they spill out]'' :'''Two-Face''': ''[horrified and panicked]'' NO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! ''[searches through them frantically]'' My coin! Where is it?! I can't decide without...! Oh no, it's ''gotta'' be here, it's ''gotta! [shrieks with anguish]'' '''''I HAVE TO HAVE IT!!!''''' :''[He continues to scream, swiping the coins aside before collapsing in tears; Grace gently comforts him]'' :'''Grace''': It's all right now, Harvey. I'm here. ===''It's Never Too Late'' [1.12]=== :'''Father Michael Stromwell''': Arnold? That's one soul I wish I could give up on. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arnold Stromwell''': I don't need your help! :'''Michael Stromwell''': Is that a fact? An empire crumbling? A marriage shattered? A son lost? Sure, you're doing fine. ===''I've Got Batman In My Basement'' [1.13]=== :''[after Penguin's goons successfully steal a [[w:Fabergé egg|Fabergé egg]] on a tall building]'' :'''Goon 1''': ''[chuckles]'' A piece of cake, just like the boss said. :'''Goon 2''': Yeah, all it took was five minutes. ''[Batman makes his surprise appearance to the goons]'' :'''Batman''': And that'll get you five ''years''... ''[pause]'' with good behavior. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Be-fowled by a couple of fledgelings! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Grant''': Sherman, what are you doing down there? :'''Sherman''': Nothing, Mom! :'''Mrs. Grant''': You're not trying to make gunpowder again, are you? :'''Sherman''': No, Mom! Honest! :'''Roberta''': We just saved Batman's life, Mrs. Grant, and now we're hiding him from some bad criminals. :'''Mrs. Grant''': That's good, just don't make a mess. ''[leaves]'' :'''Sherman''': Nice going, Miss Big Mouth. :'''Roberta''': ''[shrugging]'' Sorry, Sherman, I guess I panicked. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Gentlemen - and I use the term loosely - after you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Eurgh, how bourgeois. Tearing this place apart could only improve it! Let the egg hunt begin! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Grant''': Young man, you've got some serious explaining to do! ''[sees Batman and the defeated Penguin and gasps]'' :'''Sherman''': Err, Mom, I'd like you to meet Batman. Batman, this is my mom. :'''Batman''': Ma'am. :'''Mrs. Grant''': Oh, hello... :'''Sherman''': Say, Batman, you wouldn't be single, would you? ===''[[w:Heart of Ice (Batman: The Animated Series)|Heart of Ice]]'' [1.14]=== :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[gazes at the ballerina snow globe]'' This is how I'll always remember you. Surrounded by [[winter]] forever young, forever beautiful. Rest well, my love. The monster who took you from me will soon learn that [[revenge]] is a dish... ''[opens his eyes through his red goggles]'' best served '''cold'''. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman infiltrates an office in GothCorp headquarters and sees a classified file with a videotape and medical records of a woman named Nora Fries. He plays the tape on a nearby VCR]'' :'''Victor Fries''': ''[on the tape]'' My name is Doctor Victor Fries. I am recording what I pray would be mankind's first step toward immortality. ''[camera pans to a large machine with a glass capsule and a woman inside it]'' Behind me, you see the CC-100, a cryogenic freezing chamber of my own design. I created it for the express purpose of freezing subjects stricken with inoperable ailments. Subjects like... my own beloved wife, Nora. Once a remedy has been found-- ''[reacts to a loud banging on the door]'' :'''Ferris Boyle''': ''[Behind the door]'' Open this door! Open it now! ''[A security guard kicks the door down, Ferris and another guard step into the room. Boyle confronts Fries angrily.]'' Get away from that equipment! ''[Orders his guards]'' Shut this stuff down. :'''Fries''': ''[Panicked]'' Stop! This is my experiment! :'''Boyle''': Your ''unauthorized'' experiment. I ordered funding suspended weeks ago! I'm already three million in debt thanks to you! :'''Fries''': You can't stop it now! My wife is in there! :'''Boyle''': So bring her out! :'''Fries''': You can't interrupt the process now! :'''Boyle''': ''[unmoved; to guard]'' Open it. :'''Fries''': ''[desperately holds on to Boyle]'' It's her only chance! :'''Boyle''': ''[shrugs off Fries]'' This is MY equipment! ''MINE!'' I have every legal right to use it or not use it as I see fit. I say this project ends ''now!'' :'''Fries''': ''[grabs pistol from security guard and aims it at Ferris]'' '''NO!''' Stay away from her, murderer! :'''Boyle''': ''[tries to act charming to Fries]'' Victor... I'm sorry... I lost my temper. It doesn't have to come to this. We can talk! ''[Fries calms down and Boyle kicks him into a table of cryonic chemicals. Victor screams in pain as the cloud of volatile chemicals engulf him. Boyle steps away in fear and runs out of the room with his guards]'' Get out. Get out! :'''Fries''': ''[Clinging to his freezing chamber, screaming through the glass] Nora! NORA...! [passes out. The tape ends]'' :'''Batman''': ''[Horrified]'' My God! :''[A voice rings out--it's Mr. Freeze, who just snuck in the room]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': Yes. It would move me to tears, if I still had tears to shed. ''[freezes Batman with his cryo-gun]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mr. Freeze raids the award ceremony and confronts Ferris Boyle, who is receiving a humanitarian award]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': The cold eyes of vengeance are upon you, Boyle. :'''Ferris Boyle''': Who...who ''are'' you?! :'''Mr. Freeze''': Come, now. Surely you remember your old colleague... Victor Fries? :''[Mr. Freeze aims and fires his freezing gun at Boyle's feet, ice slowly covering up his legs to his waist]'' :'''Boyle''': ''[cries in pain]'' NO! No...! Stop... please... I... b-beg you! ''[Mr. Freeze stops his freezing gun for a moment of clarity]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': You... ''beg?'' In my nightmares I see my Nora behind the glass, begging to me with frozen eyes. How I've longed to see that look frozen on you. :''[Batman batarangs Mr Freeze's cryo-gun and attacks him. Mr Freeze overpowers Batman and throws him off]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': The advanced circuitry that powers my suit also triples my strength! ''[engages Batman, and lifts him off the ground]'' Sooner or later, all who stand in my way must feel the icy touch of death! :''[Mr. Freeze is about to kill Batman, but collapses when Batman smashes his glass helmet with a thermos full of chicken soup given to him by Alfred earlier]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': ''[walks next to Batman]'' Ooh...! What was that stuff? :'''Batman''': The only way to fight a cold. :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[as his suit falters]'' It can't end this way... vengeance...! :'''Batman''': No, ''justice''. A year ago, Ferris Boyle interrupted an experiment, and in the process destroyed two lives. ''[gives Summer Gleeson the tape he found]'' Here's the evidence. ''[walks to a still shivering Boyle; he sneers at Boyle with disgust]'' Good night, humanitarian! ''[walks off]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mr. Freeze is in his subzero cell in Arkham Asylum, gazing into his ballerina snow globe]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': I failed you. I wish there were another way for me to say it... but I cannot. ''[Tears silently slide down his face]'' I can only beg your [[forgiveness]] and pray you hear me somehow, someplace. Someplace... where a warm hand waits for mine. ===''The Cat And The Claw Part 1'' [1.15]=== :'''Stern''': Now if you'll excuse me, I've given you all the time I can spare. :'''Selina Kyle''': You'll find more time for me, Mr. Stern. Before I'm through, I'll have every environmental group and animal rights activist breathing down your neck. They'll be looking at you and your project so closely, you'll feel like a bug in a bell-jar. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You're late. :'''Mob Boss''': Can't you walk up to someone normal-like? :'''Batman''': I hear you have some information. :'''Mob Boss''': Under one condition: Lay off the South Side. :'''Batman''': Keep this up, and I'll be on you from ''all'' sides. North, south, east, and west. ===''The Cat And The Claw Part 2'' [1.16]=== :'''Batman''': Red Claw? A woman? :'''[[W:Red_Claw|Red Claw]]''': Do you have a problem with that, Batman? :'''Batman''': Not at all. I'm an equal opportunity crime fighter! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I didn't want you taken away like a common criminal. :'''Catwoman''': So you ''do'' care. :'''Batman''': ''[handcuffing her]'' More than you'll ever know. ===''See No Evil'' [1.17]=== :'''Lloyd Ventrix''': See you 'round, Batman! Too bad you can't say the same! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Ventrix, the suit! It's poison! :'''Ventrix''': So what if it is?! I don't care! As long as I have it, I can take my daughter back whenever I want! Her mother won't stop me, AND NEITHER WILL YOU! ===''Beware The Gray Ghost'' [1.18]=== :''[At a video shop, Bruce Wayne asks for Gray Ghost films]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': I'd like the ''Gray Ghost''. :'''Store Clerk''': ''[smirks and walks away]'' Hmm. Name something else. :'''Wayne''': You said you had everything. :'''Store Clerk''': Except the ''Gray Ghost''! Nobody has it! The studio that made the show, Spectra? It burned down 20 years ago. The negatives all went up like kindling, real shame. :'''Wayne''': So the ''Gray Ghost'' doesn't exist? :'''Clerk''': Not anymore. Sorry, pal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Simon Trent''': ''[Hands Batman a film reel with the key the mystery]'' Here's your answer, take it and go! :'''Batman''': I used to admire what the Gray Ghost stood for... :'''Simon Trent''': I'm not the Gray Ghost! :'''Batman''': ''[coldly]'' I can see that now. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the launch of the Gray Ghost videos]'' :'''Bruce''': Could you make this out to 'Bruce'? :'''Gray Ghost''': ''[signing autograph]'' Here you are, Bruce. :'''Bruce''': Thanks. As a kid, I used to watch you with my father. The Gray Ghost was my hero. :'''Gray Ghost''': ''[realizing]'' Really... :'''Bruce''': ''[smiling]'' And he still is. ===''Prophecy Of Doom'' [1.19]=== :'''Nostromos''': I predict... you and I are about to become rich as pigs! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lucas''': No one could've predicted Batman would spot me. Not even the great Nostromos. Besides, how do you know Wayne survived? :'''Nostromos''': The news said he got off the elevator right before it fell, you pathetic amateur! :'''Lucas''': Well, you didn't predict he would ''die'', exactly... ===''Feat Of Clay Part 1'' [1.20]=== :''[About Matt Hagen's repeated use of "Renuyu" to restore his disfigured face]'' :'''Teddy Lupus''': You can't go on like this, Matt. You hurt all the time now. :'''[[w:Clayface|Matt Hagen]]''': ''[irritated]'' You're just my stand-in, Lupus. Nobody promoted you to nursemaid! :'''Lupus''': That stuff makes your face like putty, Matt; it can't be good for ya. :'''Hagen''': It probably ain't good for me. But unless I only want to do ''horror'' pictures, it ain't bad for me either. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Listen up, scumwad, 'cause I'm only gonna ask you once. Who was Lucius Fox meeting at the tram? :'''Raymond Bell''': Wayne... Bruce Wayne! :'''Batman''': You lying sleaze! You wanna rethink that answer? ===''Feat Of Clay Part 2'' [1.21]=== :'''Clayface''': ''[testing his new shapeshifting powers]'' The formula must have soaked every cell in my body. :'''Teddy Lupus''': It's.... It's some kind of miracle! ''[sees Matt change back into Clayface]'' Wha... What are you doing? :'''Clayface''': No. No! You broke my concentration! It won't work, don't you see?! It's too hard! It's like tensing a muscle - I can't keep it up for long! MY CAREER, MY ''LIFE'' - IT ''IS'' GONE! AND I CAN NEVER GET IT BACK! ''[In his rage, Clayface destroys several things in the trailer]'' I'm not an actor anymore! I'm not even... a ''man''! ''[Sobs softly]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Clayface''': Not even the Batman could stop me, Teddy. And that means ''Daggett'' won't have a prayer. :'''Teddy''': Matt, please, you don't wanna do anything crazy. Why don't you try to get some shuteye? :'''Clayface''': ''[growls]'' DON'T YOU DARE PATRONIZE ME!!! I told you I don't need rest! I don't need food! AND I DON'T NEED YOU!!!! ''[grabs Teddy and throws him to a bookcase then walks out the door]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Roland Daggett is at a talk show talking about Renuyu facial cream and the host entertains audience questions]'' :'''Woman''': I'd like to ask Mr. Daggett about the rumors I've heard. I hear he's selling Renuyu through direct marketing because stores won't carry it due to its harmful side effects. :'''[[w:Roland Daggett|Roland Daggett]]''': Well that's, uh, absolutely untrue- :'''Woman''': ''[stands up and approaches him]'' What about the addictive properties of Renuyu, Mr. Daggett? Once you're hooked, you can't stop using it without horrible...''pain''! :'''Daggett''': No! I mean... That's just not so! :'''Woman''': Why don't you show them what an ''overdose'' can do, Daggett?! Why don't you tell them ''[voices goes deeper]'' about ME?! ''[transforms into Clayface]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Batman tricks Clayface into confronting him in a recording room, where he turns multiple screens showing headshots of Clayface's past roles]'' :'''Clayface''': What are you doing?! Stop it! :'''Batman''': Look at them, Hagan. Look at what you used to be. :'''Clayface''': No, no! Turn them off! :'''Batman''': You can play those roles again, Hagan. Let me help you find a cure. :'''Clayface''': ''[begins to shapeshift into his past roles]'' No! Hagan's gone! Make him stop haunting me! ''[begins to uncontrollably shapeshift into his past roles]'' Stop it! Turn them off! I can't control it! I can't be all of them! Not all at once! :''[Batman tries to turn on some more screens, but Clayface knocks him out of the way and smashes the control panels; Clayface yanks off one of the screens and throws it at Batman, who dodges; the screen hits the big screen, causing an explosion; the police arrive to see Clayface in his shapeshifting seizure as he shifts his face into Bruce Wayne]'' :'''Officer''': Mother of mercy! It looks just like Bruce Wayne! :''[Clayface punches through two screens, electrocuting him and reverting back into his true form and he topples over; Batman walks up to Clayface]'' :'''Clayface''': ''[morphs into Matt Hagan]'' You know what I'd have given for a death scene like this? ''[morphs into his scarred form]'' Too bad I won't get to... read the notices. ''[faints and reverts back to his true form.]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Lucius Fox''': I'm just glad to know it wasn't really Bruce Wayne who attacked me. :'''Summer Gleeson''': Thank you, Mr. Fox. All charges against Wayne have, of course, been dropped. And Roland Daggett remains in custody. :''[as Alfred turns off the TV, Batman is experimenting with a piece of Clayface's clay]'' :'''Alfred''': My word, sir. I should think after all this, it would time to rest. :'''Batman''': Look. A piece of clay left behind when they took Hagan's body away. Watch. ''[zaps the clay with electricity, causing it to morph into multiple shapes]'' :'''Alfred''': Electricity has no effect on it? :'''Batman''': Exactly. ''[scene changes to a morgue where a doctor uncovers Clayface's body; voice-over]'' I wouldn't be surprised if the body they took to the morgue was only a shell ''[Clayface's body cracks and crumbles into little pieces]'' Don't forget, first and foremost, Hagan was an actor. ''[scene changes to Teddy outside the hospital]'' He said it himself, Alfred. He called it a scene. Maybe the greatest scene in his career. :'''Teddy''': ''[sadly]'' See you 'round, Matt. ''[walks away]'' :'''Batman''': A death scene so real... it fooled us all. :''[a woman laughs maniacally as her voice grows deeper and her eyes turn yellow, revealing her to be a disguised Clayface]'' ===''Joker's Favor'' [1.22]=== :'''[[w:Joker (comics)|Joker]]''': ''[tosses two pennies on the ground]'' There's your two cents. Now, what are you going to do to me? :'''Charlie''': Listen.... I... O'm sorry, really! I.... I had a bad day. Boss turned down my raise, and... :'''Joker''': Now look, my rude friend! We can't have people cursing at each other on the freeway. It's simply ''not polite''! ''[jumps down and grabs him]'' I'm just going to have to teach you some manners. ''[reaches into his coat]'' :'''Charlie''': Please don't! I have a family, a wife, a little boy! Please! I'll do anything to make it up! Anything! :'''Joker''': Anything, says you? ''[Charlie nods; Joker releases him]'' Okee-dokee! Wallet. :'''Charlie''': Uh, okay. I don't have much cash. :'''Joker''': Oh, please! Don't insult me! ''[takes out driver's license]'' Charles Michael Collins. That's you! Tsk tsk, lousy picture, though. Lousy! Address, height, weight, blah blah blah. ''[tosses the wallet back and keeps the license]'' Righty-o, Chuckers! Here's the deal. I'll let you off if you promise to do a little favor for me. :'''Charlie''': Okay. What? :'''Joker''': ''I DON'T KNOW! I HAVEN'T THOUGHT OF IT YET!'' You just toddle on back to your mundane, meaningless little life, and when I need you, I'll call. Fair? Good? Great! I'll be in touch. ''[walks away, laughing maniacally]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Charlie''': Hello? :'''Joker''': Hello, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': Wrong number, pal. My name is Don. :'''Joker''': Oh, no, no, no. This IS the right number, Charles Michael Collins. Oh, I don't know why you changed your name to Don Wallace and moved your family to 12 Marigold Lane, Springdale, Ohio. One might think you were trying to skip out on our little deal. ''[to Harley Quinn]'' Leave the sideburns. :'''Charlie''': Uh... how did you find me? :'''Joker''': Oh, I never lost you, Chaz. You've become my... HOBBY!! ''[laughs maniacally]'' Now, listen up, Charlie Brown. You're booked on the next flight to Gotham. Tell the family you have to visit a sick friend. Oh, and let's keep this to ourselves, 'kay? Bad things happen to people who gossip, capisce, Carlo? ''[Charlie looks out the window to see Joker's henchmen pull up to his house]'' :'''Charlie''': Yeah... :'''Joker''': Good! See ya! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': You miserable little ''nobody!'' If I get caught, your wife and son are history! :'''Charlie''': You're not getting caught. Not this time. I found this blown out of the van. :''[He pulls one of the Joker's bombs from his jacket, and the Joker looks shocked and afraid]'' :'''Charlie''': This is how it ends, Joker. No big schemes, no grand fight to the finish with the Dark Knight. Tomorrow, all the papers will say is that the great Joker was found blown to bits in an alley, alongside a "miserable little nobody"! ''[chuckles]'' Kinda funny. Ironic, really. See? I can destroy a man's dreams too! And that's really the only dream you've got, isn't it?! :'''Joker''': ''[still scared]'' Look, Charlie, you've had a busy day! All this running around, all this excitement with... ''[yelling out desperately]'' '''''BATMAN!''''' Stop! You... you're crazy! :'''Charlie''': I had a good teacher! ''[chuckles]'' Say goodnight, Gracie! :'''Joker''': ''[terrified, trying to crawl away]'' NO! '''BATMAN! ''BATMAN!''''' ''[sees Batman in the shadows, and gasps with relief and annoyance]'' How long have you been there?! :'''Batman''': Long enough. Put it down, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': You know he'll just escape again! This is the only way my family stays safe! :'''Joker''': All right, you win! Take it easy! ''[surrenders his notebook to Batman]'' Here's everything on his blasted family - names, addresses, it's all there! You're no fun anymore, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': Hey, Joker! ''[throws the bomb at the Joker, who cowers behind Batman - only for the "bomb" to release harmless confetti]'' Gotcha! :''[Batman lets out a short laugh]'' :'''Joker''': ''[dryly]'' Oh, very funny. A million laughs. :'''Batman''': Go home, Mr. Collins. :'''Charlie''': Home. I never thought that could sound so good. I wonder what Bonnie's making for dinner. Right now, anything would taste great. Even meatloaf. ===''Vendetta'' [1.23]=== :'''Batman''': Here's how it works, slimeball. I have questions, and if you have answers, I'll leave you alone. :'''Rupert Thorne''': Oh, I have plenty of answers... thirty-eight caliber answers. Now then, you were saying? :'''Batman''': ''[Using Thorne as a shield]'' I was saying, you'd better hope your men are ''very'' good shots. It's too hot in here. Let's get some air. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Killer Croc''': Terrific. Just what I need now. The freak job in the cape. :'''Batman''': You're no prize yourself. :'''Killer Croc''': ''[strangling Batman]'' What can I tell you now? Being a reptile man ain't pretty... but it's got its upside. Like having the strength of a crocodile, for instance! But I guess you've learned that by now, huh? ''[forcing Batman into the water]'' The hard way. You know, they used to call "Killer Croc" the meanest dude in the Wrestling Federation. Now they'll call him the guy who iced the Batman! :'''Batman''': ''[flip-kicks Killer Croc really hard and gets out of the water]'' Don't hold your breath. ===''Fear Of Victory'' [1.24]=== :'''Mr. Lucky''': Lost? You have that bewildered look, but your sort always does. :'''Thug''': ''[grabs him threateningly]'' I ain't lost. I'm lookin' for you! I wanna know how come you always win, Mr. Lucky. :'''Mr. Lucky''': It's quite simple, actually. I fix the games. :'''Thug''': You can't fix ''all'' those sports. Nobody can! :'''Mr. Lucky''': Oh, ye of little brain, allow me to illustrate. ''[hands the thug an envelope laced in fear toxin]'' Here. You can read, can't you? :'''Thug''': ''[reads it]'' "Boo!" Hey, is this some kinda joke? :'''Mr. Lucky''': It's no joke, I assure you. It's the fear of victory, and the agony of... ''[the thug pulls Mr. Lucky out of the shadows, revealing his true identity]'' '''the Scarecrow!''' :''[The thug gasps in fear, now a victim of his toxin]'' :'''Scarecrow''': So now you understand Step One in how I fix an athletic contest. ''[Scarecrow comes closer to the thug, causing him to fall into some stacks of hay]'' I shall proceed to Step Two! ''[chuckles evilly]'' :'''Thug''': No! NO! GET AWAY! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': There's enough powder in that helmet to panic a pachyderm! He should be postering himself, crying for mercy! :'''Batman''': Change of luck, Scarecrow? :'''Scarecrow''': YOU! :'''Batman''': You're aware that gambling is illegal in Gotham? :'''Scarecrow''': I need the money, Batman! You know the cost of chemicals these days. And it will take much more than this to bring every pathetic person in Gotham to their knees, kissing my feet! ''[reveals a vial of his fear chemical and dangles it above the crowd]'' No closer, Batman! Unless you want a stampede of half-crazed humanity crushing and clawing each other! Now... what guarantee do I have you won't follow me? :'''Batman''': You have my word, Scarecrow. Just don't drop the vial. :'''Scarecrow''': Actually, Batman, I'd prefer a little insurance that you'll be otherwise occupied! ''[drops it]'' ===''The Clock King'' [1.25]=== :'''Fugate''': (after judgment has been passed) No! You can't! I'll be ruined! :'''Judge''': Then perhaps this will teach you to be on time for a change. :'''Batman''': What kind of a saboteur uses a six-thousand dollar Metronex to set a time bomb? :'''Alfred''': A saboteur with too much money? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman:''' Hold it! :'''Fugate:''' Well, well. The Batman. It's about time you showed up! I suppose you want to know why I've brought Downtown Gotham to a standstill, Batman. Hm? Well, let's just say it's because I'm a civic minded citizen with a lot of time on his hands. :'''Batman''': I want some answers, wise guy. Talk! :'''Fugate''': A pity. I don't know what to tell you, Batman - except perhaps that the 9:15 is always six minutes early. :''(He falls off the building and lands safely on the roof of an oncoming train as it speeds away)'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mayor Hill is tied to the hands of a huge clock]'' :'''Clock King''': Comfortable, Hill? Well you won't be for long! At 3:15 on the dot, those hands will come together and you'll be crushed like an insect. 3:15, Hill. Does that time hold any meaning for you? :'''Mayor Hill''': I don't know what you're talking about! :'''Clock King''': You told me to take my coffee break at 3:15. :'''Mayor Hill''': What?! :'''Clock King''': You don't remember?! My ''court date!'' :'''Mayor Hill''': ''[finally realizing]'' Oh my Lord! The lawsuit! Fugate! I swear I was only trying to help! :'''Clock King''': Don't hand me that! You did it on purpose! The plaintiffs were represented by your law firm, Mr. Mayor! :'''Mayor Hill''': But I had nothing to do with that case, Fugate! :'''Clock King''': Not that it matters anymore. Now that you have an appointment to keep, at 3:15 precisely—with the '''Grim Reaper!''' ''[begins laughing maniacally]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I'm here to clean your clock, Fugate. :'''Fugate''': Don't count on it, Batman. When it comes to clocks, ''I'' am king. ''En garde''! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Stop this, Fugate! Hill committed no crime against you! :'''Temple Fugate''': He did worse than that! He made me late! :'''Batman''': Fugate! You can't escape! :'''Clock King''': Au contraire, Batman. You of all people should know, there's always a way out! :''(Fugate begins laughing maniacally as a huge clock wheel falls on him, sending him to his apparent death)'' ===''Appointment In Crime Alley'' [1.26]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': Roland Daggett's up to something, Alfred. :'''Alfred''': That almost goes without saying, doesn't it, sir? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Leslie Thompkins''': This used to be a beautiful street. Good people lived here once. :'''Batman''': ''[placing two roses on the ground]'' Good people still live in Crime Alley. ===''Mad As A Hatter'' [1.27]=== :'''Jervis Tetch''': ''[Discussing the subject of Alice to his lab rats.]'' Of course, intellectually I know it's wrong. After all, she has a boyfriend. Better to withdraw like a gentleman- forget her, turn my heart to other pursuits. ''[Brief pause]'' NEVER! After all, I've created a chip strong enough to control a human brain! It would be so easy to make her forget her boorish beau and love ME! But...that would reduce her to a soulless shell. No...not my Alice. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman has cornered Jervis Tetch, who just subdued Alice with her mindcontrol card and is at a dinner table with him]'' :'''Jervis Tetch/Mad Hatter''': I'll cut that cowl off your neck before you'll take her! I've waited my whole lonely life for her! :'''Batman''': Then all you've waited for is a puppet. A soulless little doll. :'''Mad Hatter''': It didn't have to be this way! You made me do this to her! ===''Dreams In Darkness'' [1.28]=== :'''Batman''': "There's always time to heal", the doctor told me, but he was wrong. There was no time left. Not for me, not for him, and not for Gotham City. And as long as I remained trapped in Arkham, there was nothing I could do, except wait for the end and remember the beginning. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': An entire city, screaming in fear... I wonder if we'll be able to hear it... ===''Eternal Youth'' [1.29]=== :'''Mrs. Thomas''': You wicked, evil- :'''Poison Ivy''': Evil, Mrs. Thomas? I don't control a company that leveled a thousand-year-old forest for a strip mine! THAT'S evil! ''[sprays a gas which causes Mrs. Thomas to become petrified; steals a pair of earrings]'' You and your kind owe Mother Nature a big debt, and I am here to make sure you pay up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': Right now, the bark is merely exoskeletal. It will take months of additional spraying before the transformations become irreversible. But, of course, I have the patience of a redwood. :'''Batman''': ''[snarling]'' And the convictions of a fanatic! :'''Poison Ivy''': Well, if you're not going to be part of the solution, you're obviously part of the problem. Ladies? :''[Ivy's henchwomen begin to spray Batman with the growth formula]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': This spray is triple-strength, Batman! It will start the transformation without any preliminaries! ''[Nothing seems to happen to Batman as he unties his hands]'' He should be sprouting leaves by now! :'''Batman''': ''[Unties his hands and stands up, blocking the spray with his cape as he advances]'' You made your secret too accessible, Ivy! I coated my outfit with a herbicidal antidote! :'''Poison Ivy''': Keep spraying! ''[Violet and Lily back away, still spraying, but Batman subdues them both]'' ===''Perchance To Dream'' [1.30]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[Looking down off the ledge, preparing to jump]'' You're wrong! There IS a way out! :'''Mad Hatter''': Now, now wait just a minute! You don't want to do anything foolish! This isn't an ordinary dream! What if you're wrong?! :'''Bruce Wayne''': '''THEN I'LL SEE YOU IN YOUR ''NIGHTMARES''!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': '''''WHY?''''' Why did you do it?! :'''Mad Hatter''': You, of all people, have the GALL to ask me that? You RUINED MY LIFE! I was willing to give you WHATEVER life you wanted, JUST TO KEEP YOU OUT OF ''MINE!'' <hr width="75%"/> ===''The Cape & Cowl Conspiracy'' [1.31]=== :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Look up "slippery" in the dictionary and you get Josiah Wormwood. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[About the [[w:Bat-Signal|Bat-Signal]]]'' Got a new toy, I see. :'''Gordon''': I figured it might come in handy. ===''[[w:Robin's Reckoning|Robin's Reckoning Part 1]]'' [1.32]=== :''[Robin and Batman are doing a stakeout]'' :'''Robin''': If I knew it was going to take THIS long, I would've brought my homework. You sure about this extortion ring? :'''Batman''': ''[Looking at the construction site through binoculars]'' Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': It's been four hours. :'''Batman''': Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': You still think they'll show? :'''Batman''': Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': Lucky for me, you're such a good conversationalist. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': If you protect him, Stromwell, I'll be very... GRUMPY. [[The Incredible Hulk|You don't want to see me when I'm grumpy]]. ===''[[w:Robin's Reckoning|Robin's Reckoning Part 2]]'' [1.33]=== :'''[[w:Tony Zucco|Tony Zucco]]''': I'm not back in town five minutes - FIVE MINUTES - and he's on my tail. You don't know the Bat. He don't let up! He's the dark angel of death, man, and he wants ME! :'''Mick''': ... Why you, boss? :'''Zucco''': HOW SHOULD I KNOW?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Robin is about to throw Tony Zucco off the pier]'' :'''Tony Zucco''': No, don't! Please... :'''Batman''': Robin! Enough. ''[limps towards him]'' You can't let your emotions get the best of you. :'''Robin''': Stuff your advice, Batman! You and your stone-cold heart! You don't know how I feel. HOW COULD YOU?!? ''[Batman looks at him, and Robin realizes what he said]'' Batman, I didn't mean to... I'm sorry. ''[after he sees the police coming, Robin seemingly readies to throw Zucco off the pier but simply throws him to the ground. The cops arrive and arrest Zucco.]'' You were right, you know, not bringing me along. You knew I'd take it too personally. :'''Batman''': It wasn't that, Robin. It wasn't that at all. Zucco's taken so much, caused you so much pain. I couldn't stand the thought that he might... take you, too. :'''Robin''': ''[putting a hand on Batman's shoulder]'' Come on, partner. It's been a long night. ===''The Laughing Fish'' [1.34]=== :'''Alfred''': ''[seeing Batman with a Joker Fish]'' Dining in tonight, sir? :'''Batman''': ''[sighs]'' The dissection tray, please, Alfred... :'''Alfred''': Any idea what our happy friend is up to now? :'''Batman''': Normal criminals usually have logical motives, but the Joker's insane schemes make sense to him alone. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': Ah-ah-ah-ahem! Look alive, wage slaves. Presenting that caliph of clowns, that mogul of mountebanks, the one and only Joker! :''[The Joker enters, laughing maniacally]'' :'''Francis''': Great Scott! :'''Joker''': Actually, I'm Irish. Good morning, Mister, err, ''[looks at his desk's name plate]'' Francis! Please allow me to introduce my associates. Miss Quinn. :'''Harley Quinn''': ''Enchante''! :'''Joker''': And Messrs, uh... oh, their names escape me for the moment. No matter! We gentlemen of business have arrangements to discuss. :'''Francis''': A... Arrangements? :'''Joker''': ''[drops a Joker Fish onto his desk]'' For my fish, of course! This has all been worked out far in advance, Francis. You are merely the last tiny cog in my grand design! So don't speak to me again, 'kay? Now, what is everyone in town talking about? :'''Francis''': Err... your fish? :'''Joker''': ''[smacks him with the fish]'' I TOLD YOU NOT TO SPEAK! :'''Harley''': ''[sniffs Francis]'' Ooh, fish stink-a-roony! ''[sprays him with a substance from a perfume bottle, making him cough]'' All better! :'''Joker''': As I was saying, since every fish in Gotham now bares my famous and frankly ''fabulous'' face, I should be getting a profit from every fish product sold. ''[one of his thugs pours out a pile of products]'' Let's say a nickel per fish sandwich, fifty cents for sardines - millions of dollars a day to finance my happily hedonistic lifestyle! So which of your tedious copyright forms do I fill out first? You may speak now. :'''Francis''': No one can copyright fish. They're a natural resource. :'''Joker''': But they share my unique face! [[w:Colonel Sanders|Colonel What's-His-Name]] has chickens, and they don't even have moustaches! :'''Francis''': I can't help it, it's the law! :'''Joker''': Oh! Trying to cheat the Joker, are ya?! Well, we'll see who has the last laugh. You have until midnight to change your mind, Francis, or you'll be the poorest fish of all! ''[leaves, laughing madly, with his thugs following]'' :'''Harley''': ''[blows Francis a kiss as she follows]'' Buh-bye! :'''Francis''': He's crazy...! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Francis''': Err, Batman? Why is this happening to me? I've never done anything to this Joker. I'm just a paper-pusher, I can't change the laws. I'm harmless! :'''Batman''': And in his sick mind, that's the joke, Mr. Francis. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Feeling all right? :'''Francis''': ''[scratching himself]'' Oh, sure. It's just that everything's been so crazy today. I haven't even had time to rinse off that gunk the Joker's girl squirted on me... :'''Batman''': ''[to Gordon]'' GET THIS MAN TO A HOSPITAL! ''NOW!'' :'''Francis''': What?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': You're right, Harley. Fish ''are'' disgusting. I think I'll start using my toxin on cattle. Joker Burgers! Ha! Talk about a [[w:McDonald's|Happy Meal!]] <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': ''[after hitting Batman with a big wrench]'' Meanwhile, back at the "wrench"...! Since my sidesplitters don't tickle you, how 'bout a ''skull''-splitter?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After the Joker is seemingly eaten by the shark]'' :'''Harley''': ''[sniffing sadly]'' Oh, my poor, poor puddin'... :'''Bullock''': Come on, he was a demented, abusive, psychotic maniac. :'''Harley''': Yeah... I'm really gonna miss him! ''[sobs into her handkerchief]'' :'''Gordon''': Do you think he's gone for good? :'''Batman''': Believe me, Jim, I wish it were true. But deep inside, I doubt it. ===''Night Of The Ninja'' [1.35]=== :'''[[w:Kyodai Ken|Kyodai Ken]]''': ''[Throwing Bruce]'' Don't be depressed, Wayne-san. You're not bad for a rich man's pampered son. :'''Sensei''': ''[Leaps across room and throws Kyodai]'' There's always someone better, Kyodai. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': His name is Kyodai Ken. He was good. :'''Robin''': Yeah? How good? :'''Batman''': ''[Quickly]'' Good. :'''Robin''': I see. <hr width="80%"/> ===''Cat Scratch Fever'' [1.36]=== :'''Selina Kyle''': Don't tell me you're my very own private probation officer. How often would you like me to check in? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': "Viral Antitoxins". For a plague that doesn't exist, yet, but if the plague is introduced via stray dogs and cats, it will blanket Gotham City within weeks! :'''Roland Daggett''': Days, actually. You know how many strays there are in Gotham, Batman? Three hundred thousand! Imagine if even a tenth of them carried the virus. Not only will this little bottle make me a hero, it'll make me a fortune as well. ===''The Strange Secret Of Bruce Wayne'' [1.37]=== :''[Joker, Two-Face, and Penguin are bidding over Batman's secret identity]'' :'''Two-Face''': $500,000 :'''Penguin''': Poof. Chicken feed. I'll bet a million! :'''Two-Face''': ''TWO'' Million! :'''Strange''': I have two million. Do I hear three? :'''Joker''': Hold it, hold it, HOLD IT! :'''Two-Face''': Get outta my face, clown! :'''Joker''': Which one? :''[An angered Two-Face is about to attack Joker, but Penguin intervenes]'' :'''Penguin''': Gentlemen, it behooves us not to fight amongst ourselves. :'''Joker''': Well put, sardine breath! I think we should ''pool'' our resources on this. $51,240,685! ''[gets out a little coin purse, and pours out some coins]'' And uh, 53 cents. :'''Strange''': Sold! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Strange''': Joker, please! I was set up! Bruce Wayne is Batman! :'''Two-Face''': That's absurd! I know Bruce Wayne. If he's Batman, I'm the King of England! :'''Joker''': And people say I'M crazy! ===''Heart Of Steel Part 1'' [1.38]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': And who's your little friend? :''[Barbara takes a teddy bear out of her purse]'' :'''Barbara Gordon''': Oh, this is Wubby. I've had him forever. Dad won't pick me up at the airport without bringing him along. :'''Commissioner Gordon''': ''[blushing]'' Well... he knows the way better than I do. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': ''[After learning about the AI project]'' Sounds as if the human race could become quite expendable, except for butlers, of course. :'''Batman''': Of course. ===''Heart Of Steel Part 2'' [1.39]=== :'''Randa''': You have immobilized the maker. :'''[[w:HARDAC|HARDAC]]''': His human imperfection endangers the plan. He must be improved upon. <hr width="50%"/> :'''HARDAC''': The maker's concept was sound, but he did not go far enough - which is why I have taken over. ===''If You're So Smart, Why Aren't You Rich?'' [1.40]=== :'''[[w:Riddler|Edward Nygma]]''': ''[Being cheated out of the sales of his game]'' You are a fool, Mockridge, to think you can get away with this! Your amoral greed is no match for an intellect like mine! :'''Mockridge''': Oh, yeah? Then tell me something, Eddie: if you're so smart, why aren't you ''rich?'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman reprograms the Hand of Fate, and uses it to carry himself and Robin to the centre of the maze]'' :'''Riddler''': That is grand-scale CHEATING, Batman! You're not allowed to tamper with the Hand of Fate! :'''Batman''': I don't believe in fate! :'''Riddler''': You probably don't believe in Minotaurs either, but you'll still have to answer the Riddle. :'''Minotaur Robot''': ''I have billions of eyes, yet I live in darkness. I have millions of ears, yet only four lobes. I have no muscles, yet I move two hemispheres. What am I?'' :'''Batman''': ''[pauses in thought]'' That's simple: the human brain. ''[The Minotaur backs away]'' It has billions of optic and auditory nerves, four lobes and two hemispheres, and it's the only thing Edward Nygma respects. :'''Riddler''': A lucky guess, that's all! But it won't save you, Batman! ''[to the Minotaur]'' DESTROY THEM! ===''Joker's Wild'' [1.41]=== :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[as Joker changes the channel in the TV]'' Hey, I was watching that! :'''Joker''': And now you're watching this! :'''Poison Ivy''': Change it back! :'''Joker''': Nope, nope, nope, nope, don't want to. :'''Poison Ivy''': Guard! :'''Security Guard''': What's the problem? :'''Joker''': Don't look now, Sonny Jim, but the plant lady's gone whackers again. :'''Poison Ivy''': He started it! I was just sitting here! :'''Joker''': That's right, you're always blaming me. And the children wonder why we fight! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...the Joker's Wild! :''[Cameron Kaiser cuts the ribbon and unveils a casino with a gigantic Joker head. He is seen spoken to by Summer Gleeson]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': Ugh, that is disgusting! :'''Cameraman''': Psst, Summer! We're on the air! :'''Summer Gleeson''': ''[mortified]'' Oh! Uh... there you have it! Let's get a reaction from the guests. Mr. Wayne? :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[equally nauseated]'' No comment. :'''Summer Gleeson''': Mr. Kaiser, why build a casino seemingly in honor of one of history's most notorious outlaws? :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Summer, please! Wild Joker is a classic symbol, long associated with cards and games. I can't help it if there's a some passing resemblance to some criminal fruitcake. :''[An enraged Joker smashes the television]'' :'''Joker''': How dare that smug, preening fool try to cash in on ''MY'' image! :'''Poison Ivy''': Now who should lighten up? :'''Joker''': Don't get cute with me, Red. He's ripping me off! I'll protest! Yeah! I'll sue! Then I'll rip his lungs out! And I will, too! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': It was a scheme worthy of ''me'', Kaiser, the way you got me riled up and turned me loose on this place! :'''Cameron Kaiser''': You...! You were supposed to destroy the casino! :'''Joker''': Yeah, but then I realized it'd be more fun to get rid of you and run the show myself! :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Bu-But you can't...! :'''Joker''': Oh please, Mr. Kaiser! You of all people should have realized there'd be a Joker in the deck! ''[laughs]'' ===''Tyger Tyger'' [1.42]=== :'''Dorian''': I want to test Tygrus' reflexes and feral strength, and who better to pit him against than you? I'll give you a generous head start before I release Tygrus. If you defeat him, I shall relinquish this, the antigen to reverse Catwoman's mutation. :'''Batman''': How do I know you'll keep your word? :'''Dorian''': You don't. The clock is ticking, Batman. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': So you ''can'' talk. :'''Tygrus''': My father taught me. :'''Batman''': Your father was a test tube. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': Batman! The antidote! I'll be stuck like this forever! :'''Tygrus''': Would that be so bad? You could stay here, with me. :'''Catwoman''': Oh, Tygrus... I can't live like this, I have to be human again. :'''Tygrus''': ''[sadly, taking her hands in his]'' Goodbye, Selina. :''[As he leaves, Catwoman sees that he has given here the serum. She looks overjoyed, then calls out to him]'' :'''Catwoman''': Wait - won't you come with us? There's nothing for you here. :'''Tygrus''': There's nothing for me anywhere. ''[disappears into the falling rain]'' :'''Batman''': ''[in voiceover]'' "[[w:The Tyger|Tyger Tyger burning bright, in the forests of the night: what immortal hand or eye, dare frame thy fearful symmetry?]]" ===''Moon Of The Wolf'' [1.43]=== :'''Professor Milo''': What you're suffering from is an early stage of lycanthropy, more commonly known as werewolfism; for that I have no treatment. However, advanced werewolfism can be cured. :'''Anthony Romulus''': ''[after a wolf howls, Anthony starts transforming]'' Ohhh, you fool! There's no telling what the werewolf might do! :'''Professor Milo''': Hey, ask me if I care. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Do me a favour, shaggy: stay down! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bullock''': No trace of Wolfie! We checked the shoreline for miles! But in four weeks, there's another full moon. Then we'll know for sure. ===''Day Of The Samurai'' [1.44]=== :''[Batman swoops away after rescuing his Sensei's student, Kairi]'' :'''Kairi''': ''[In Japanese]'' Spirit of the bat... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yoru''': If you see Batman, tell him I have great respect for him. :'''Bruce''': Why? He's as much a ninja as Kyodai was. :'''Yoru''': Not so. Batman offered to help his adversary, and a lesser man would have used the secrets of the Onemuri touch against his opponent. Batman is the essence of samurai, Wayne-san. You would do well to remember that. :'''Bruce''': ''[bows]'' Domo arigato, sensei. ===''Terror In The Sky'' [1.45]=== :'''Batman''': Reports of a huge bat creature the size of a man. Remind you of anybody? :'''Alfred''': Present company excluded? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You couldn't leave it alone, could you, March? You've recreated the mutagen. :'''March''': ''[aiming a tranquilizer rifle at him]'' Recreated it? I've ''refined'' it! At night, on my own, so the others wouldn't know. I still believe only a creature like a Man-Bat can survive the next evolutionary cataclysm - and it will! My new serum could be even more powerful than Kirk's! :'''Batman''': ''[after disarming March]'' "''Could'' be"? What do you mean? :'''March''': I needed to test it, but before I had the chance-- :'''Batman''': ''[clearly surprised]'' You mean you ''haven't'' taken it? :'''March''': Of course not! The experimental batch was destroyed. I'll have to-- :'''Batman''': Destroyed? How? :'''March''': I'd been working through the night. I was just completing the final combination. ''[remembers incident at his lab as he drops the beaker of mutagen upon Francine's surprise entry]'' Francine burst in. I was startled. You have to understand I was very tired, I accidentally dropped the beaker. The whole night's work, ruined! Francine never guessed what I was doing, she even helped me clean up the mess. All that... glass! ''[recalls Francine licking her finger after it is pricked by a small shard of glass]'' Oh... oh, my lord... Francine! The mutagen - it's in ''her'' bloodstream now! ''[breaks down at his folly as Batman loads a tranquilizer into a pistol of his and then gives March the formula paperwork]'' :'''Batman''': Is ''that'' what it's going to take? Your daughter's life, before you end this insanity? :''[Later that night, March burns the files]'' ===''Almost Got 'Im'' [1.46]=== :'''Joker''': I want a nice clean game, gentlemen. :'''Penguin''': That'll be a first. So, I hear 'you-know-who' nailed the Mad Hatter last week. :'''Joker''': No kidding. He sure gets around for one guy. :'''Two-Face''': Yeah, well that's where you're wrong. I don't think it IS one guy. :'''[[w:Killer Croc|Killer Croc]]''': Huh? :'''Two-Face''': The way I figure it, Gordon's got a bunch of 'em stashed someplace like a SWAT team. He wants you to think it's one guy, but- :'''Joker''': Meh. You're always seeing double. :'''Penguin''': It's obvious our caped friend suffered some crime-related trauma when he was younger. Perhaps an over-anxious mugger blew off a piece of his face. :'''Joker''': Sure! He could be all gross and disgusting under that mask! ''[as Two-Face crushes a milk carton]'' Uh, no offense, Harv. :'''Two-Face''': Just deal. :'''Killer Croc''': Well, ya know what ''I'' think? :'''Joker''': Not the robot theory again... :'''Killer Croc''': Well, he COULD be. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Two-Face''': Poison Ivy... :'''Poison Ivy''': It's been a long time Harvey. You're still looking...halfway decent. :'''Two-Face''': Half of me wants to strangle ya. :'''Poison Ivy''': And what's the other part want? :'''Two-Face''': To hit you with a truck! :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[to the others]'' We used to date. :'''Penguin/Joker''': Ah. ===''Birds Of A Feather'' [1.47]=== :'''[[w:Penguin (comics)|Penguin]]''': Say, who's there? Two-Face? Croc? Joker, old shoe? :'''Batman''': None of the above, Penguin. :'''Penguin''': Oh no, not you... :'''Batman''': Get used to it. Wherever you go, I'll be right behind you. :'''Penguin''': Precisely where you belong. But you needn't bother. Haven't you heard? I've reformed. Paid my debt to society, and all that. :'''Batman''': We'll see. I just came to tell you to keep your beak clean. :'''Penguin''': ''[grabs a can of rat poison]'' As long as you're here, won't you stay for a cappuccino? :''[Batman gives him an annoyed look before leaving]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Batman defeats a gang of thugs threatening the Penguin and Veronica]'' :'''Batman''': I knew you couldn't stay clean for more than one day. :'''Veronica''': Let him go! He didn't do anything. It was those brutes! :'''Batman''': ''[genuinely surprised]'' He wasn't with them? :'''Penguin''': That's right, you vulgar vigilante! In my day, I associated with a much higher class of riff-raff! :'''Veronica''': I'm so sorry, Ozzie. :'''Penguin''': As long as you weren't bruised, my peach. ''[kisses her hand]'' :'''Batman''': "Peach"? :'''Penguin''': Why don't you be a good masked man and ride off into the night? This time, ''I'll'' clean up after ''you.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Veronica''': Please, Oswald! If it's money you want, I can get you more! :'''Penguin''': ''SHUT UP!'' All I wanted from ''you'', dearie, was a little friendship. That would have cost you ''nothing.'' But now you'll pay! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Veronica''': Oswald? I really was growing fond of you. It's too bad this had to happen. :'''Penguin''': ''[coldly]'' I suppose it's true what they say: society is to blame. ''High'' society. ===''What Is Reality?'' [1.48]=== :'''Batman''': "Where does a 500 pound gorilla sleep?" "What's worse than a millipede with flat feet?" "How do you stuff five elephants into a compact car?" :'''Alfred''': Anywhere it wants, a giraffe with a sore throat, and two in the front seat, two in the back, and one in the trunk. :'''Batman''': Yeah, yeah. I know, I know. Any schoolboy knows those. But brain teasers are the Riddler's M.O. Not corny old jokes like these. :'''Alfred''': Perhaps the questions are the clues, not the answers. For example, they all seem to involve animals. :'''Batman''': Also numbers. A ''500'' pound gorilla. A millipede, meaning a thousand legs. And five elephants. Now let's convert them to Roman numerals. ''[he does, revealing the letters DMV]'' Look! :'''Alfred''': DMV... :'''Batman and Alfred''': Department of Motor Vehicles! :'''Alfred''': But I recall you mentioning he'd already obliterated his records there, so why return? :'''Batman''': For the hard copy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no tales. :'''Batman''': Another riddle, Nygma? :''[Four quarters and a single penny emerge from the return change chute]'' :'''Riddler''': It all makes sense when you add it up! :''[In the Batmobile]'' :'''Alfred''': Four quarters and a penny, sir? :'''Batman''': Penny... Penny... Cent... Red cent... Copper. It's made of copper. :'''Alfred''': And "copper" is another word for a policeman. :'''Batman''': And "no tails" would be heads. Police head... Quarters! :'''Alfred''': Police Headquarters. Bravo, sir! It does make "cents" when you add it up! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': He can't be online! I searched through every file. :'''Riddler''': You searched the software. Had you bothered to examine the hardware you would have discovered a cordless modem line. :'''Riddler''': A pity you can't earn extra lives in this game.Quite an experience being riddled with questions, isn't it, Batman :'''Robin''': Batman don't open that door Crazy Intent means Loco Motion! Batman finds himself on a chessboard: :'''Riddler''':Only Batman can put the King in check and you have to move according to the rules or its the end of the day :'''Robin''':They call you the dark Knight..so you have to move like a knight (If Batman fails to move as a knight it'll be "KNightfall" (!) :'''Riddler''':Careful, vigilante, you know what they say, "Curiosity killed the Bat". :'''Batman''': Can you solve it? :'''Robin''': Are you kidding? You're looking at the guy who solved the Baxter's Box puzzle in 37 seconds! Course, this time I don't have a sledge hammer... After escaping Riddler Virtual realty Traps, Batman tries to rescue Gordon from Riddler :'''Batman''': You may control this world, Nygma, but I still control myself! :'''Riddler''': The name is "Riddler"! Edward Nygma doesn't exist anymore! You may recall that he was once fired by an ungrateful employer! That was a private matter and was meant to remain one! :'''Batman''': Attempted homicide is never a "private matter", Nygma! :'''Riddler''': No, but it would have been if you hadn't interfered and turned Edward Nygma into a fugitive! So I deleted Nygma. Just as I'm about to delete you, Batman. :'''Batman''':Tell me this.. Riddler how can you spread your conscious thirty-two times..and still have the concentration to keep your world together? YOU CAN'T! Batman saves Gordon :'''Riddler''': No....NO..... I can escape that easy...but if the Planet was equitable...I'd still have my old Job....No...wait...I'M ...not Ready.....AHHHHH' :'''Gordon''': But we'll never find him :'''Batman''': I think he left us a clue..."If the planet were equitable, I'd still have my old job". :'''Robin''': Of course. If the "World's Fair," I'd still have my "Ex-position". Oh, give me a break. [Batman, Robin and Gordon find Riddler mind trapped in his virtual realty world] :'''Batman''': Looks like he didn't escape his virtual reality in time. :'''Robin''': You mean he's been trapped inside his own program? :'''Batman''': Could be and how to get him out may be a riddle no one can solve. ===''I Am The Night'' [1.49]=== :'''Batman''': A weary body can be dealt with. But a weary spirit? That's something else. Sometimes, old friend, I wonder if I'm really doing any good out there. :'''Alfred''': How can you doubt it? The lives you've saved, the criminals you've brought to justice-- :'''Batman''': I've put out a few fires, yes. Won a few battles. But the war goes on, Alfred. On and on... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Leslie Thompkins''': You seem quieter than usual tonight. :'''Batman''': Every year, I come here and wonder if it should be the last time. If I should put the past behind me, try to lead a normal life. :'''Dr. Thompkins''': [[George Santayana|Santayana]] says, "Those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it." :'''Batman''': He also said a fanatic is someone who redoubles his efforts while losing sight of his goal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I chose this life. I use the night - I ''became'' the night. Sooner or later, I'll go down. It might be the Joker, or Two-Face, or just some punk who gets lucky. My decision, no regrets. But I can't let anyone else pay for my mistakes. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': "[[Friedrich Nietzsche|When you look too long into the abyss, the abyss looks back through you.]]" Maybe it's time for Batman to return to the night that spawned him, before anyone else gets hurt! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[grabs Wizard]'' Up to your old tricks, I see. How about returning that suitcase to its owner? :'''Wizard''': Hey, man, I ''am'' the owner. :''[Batman, surprised, lets him go]'' :'''Wizard''': Y'know, I was kinda hoping I'd run into you. I'd been in those places like where you left me before. Heard the rap, wasn't impressed. But this time, it made sense. Maybe I was ready to hear it. So I'm heading back home. I guess I kinda owe it to you, Batman. You probably saved my life. I'll bet you hear this all the time. Look, I'm gonna miss my bus, I'll see you around. And... thanks. :''[Batman smiles as he watches Wizard leave]'' ===''Off Balance'' [1.50]=== :'''[[w:Talia al Ghul|Talia]]''': My contact lenses! I lost them when we fell! They counter the distortion effect. Without them, I'm as helpless as you. :'''Batman''': I don't do helpless. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Ra's al Ghul|Ra's al Ghul]]''': So even in defeat, the detective manages to achieve some small measure of victory. As you said, detective: this is not over. ===''The Man Who Killed Batman'' [1.51]=== :'''Joker''': You know, there's just one thing bothering me about your story, Sid. No body. No BATUS DELECTI so to speak. We need to pull a job tonight just to make sure. :'''Murphy, Joker's henchman''': Make sure what, boss? :'''Joker''': ''[surprised by Murphy's question]'' Why that old Batsy's bought the cave of course, and one more thing Murphy.....''[turning more annoyed]'' don't ask stupid questions. ''[pushes Murphy to the hyenas who scratch and lick him crazily, to Joker's satisfaction]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': I'll get the mop. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': When the cops come, stall them for awhile, just until Batman arrives. '' Got it?'' :'''Henchman''': Right, boss. :'''Joker''': ''[to Murphy, still scarred from the hyenas]'' Any questions, Murph? :'''Murphy''': No sir! :'''Joker''': ''[to Sid The Squid]'' Good man. And if Batman hasn't ''really'' gone to his final reward, ''we'll'' see that he gets there! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Dear friends... today is the day the Clown cried. And he cries not for the passing of one man, but for the death of a dream. The dream that he would someday taste the ultimate victory over his hated enemy. For it was the Batman who made me the happy soul I am today. How I agonized over the perfect way to thank him for that. Perhaps with a cyanide pie in the face. Or an exploding whoopie-cushion playfully planted in the Batmobile. But those dreams were dashed by the weaselly little gunsel sitting there in our midst. The cowardly insignificant gonif who probably got lucky when Batman slipped on the slime trail this loser left behind him. This mound of diseased hyena filth who's not fit to lick the dirt from my spats...! But I digress. The time for sorrow has passed. It's time to look to a future filled with smiles. And I'll be smiling again just as soon as we take that man THERE...and slap him in that box THERE...and roll him into that vat of acid THERE! Well that was fun...who's for Chinese?! ===''Mudslide'' [1.52]=== :'''Clayface''': ''[After civilians flee in terror upon seeing his true form]'' That's right, run! Run for your measly lives! Run from Clayface! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Clayface''': You've upstaged me for the last time, Batman. Time to bring down the curtain! ===''Paging The Crime Doctor'' [1.53]=== :'''Rupert Thorne''': You think you iced the Batman, huh? Heh heh heh... Not on your best day, Jake! I'd cover my back if I were you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce Wayne''': Bruce Wayne, Dr. Thorne. Thomas Wayne's son. Did you get my letter? :'''[[w:Joseph Campanella|Matthew Thorne]]''': Yes. Thomas Wayne... :'''Bruce Wayne''': I told you I can help with your legal costs, maybe even put in a good word with the judge. :'''Matthew Thorne''': Yes, but what do you get out of it? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Well, there is something you can do for me. :'''Matthew Thorne''': I knew it! I knew there'd be a catch. Sorry, Mr. Wayne. Matthew Thorne is no longer for sale! :'''Bruce Wayne''': I'm not looking for any illegal favors. :'''Matthew Thorne''': What then? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Something you know. Something only you can give me. ''[pause]'' Tell me about my father. :''[Dr. Thorne grins and camera pans out as he ushers Bruce to resume his seat]'' ===''Zatanna'' [1.54]=== :'''[[w:Zatanna|Zatanna]]''': What do you care about some leggy dame in nylons- or have I just answered my own question? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zatanna''': ''[About Batman's mask]'' What happened that made you put this on? :'''Batman''': A painful memory, and a promise. ===''The Mechanic'' [1.55]=== :'''The Penguin''': ''[furious at his men for stealing the wrong stamps by mistake]'' These are terrible! Terrible! :'''Eagleton''': ''[indignant]'' Come on, boss. Give me a break. We got you the stamps. What more do you want? :'''The Penguin''': ''[tossing the worthless stamps angrily]'' I wanted the rare ones! The reversed Audubons! These aren't worth enough to pay for the repairs to the limousine. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Earl Cooper''': ''[sees the damaged Batmobile]'' You been letting the kid drive again? :'''Robin''': Ha ha. Actually we were playing chicken with a penguin. :'''Batman''': Or three of his men. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Penguin is scrubbing license plates in prison]'' :'''Penguin''': ''[reading one]'' "1 BAT 4U"?! ''[breaks it in anger]'' ===''Harley and Ivy'' [1.56]=== :'''Joker''': NO, we didn't get the diamond! The Dork Knight showed up before we even got to the museum! I had a great shot at him, too. Except... my dear little Harley Quinn handed me the wrong gun! :'''Harley Quinn''': But puddin', it was kinda funny watching you shoot at him with the bang flag! ''[Rocco and Henshaw can't help laughing then stifle it as the Joker glares at them]'' :'''Joker''': ''[turning back to Harley]'' Funny? You presume to tell me what I should think is funny?!? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[Poison Ivy trips the alarm, spoiling and hers and Harley Quinn's separate robberies]'' Nice going, butterfingers! Why not turn on the Bat-Signal while you're at it? :'''Poison Ivy''': I wasn't TRYING to get caught! :'''Harley Quinn''': Could've fooled me! Hey, aren't you that plant lady Poison Oakie? :'''Poison Ivy''': Ivy! Poison IVY, not Oakie! :'''Harley Quinn''': Sorry! Harley Quinn, please to meet ya! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Poison Ivy is about to give an injection to Harley Quinn]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': I hate shots! I hate shots! :'''Poison Ivy''': Now, now. You're not immune to poison like I am, and you won't last ten minutes here in Toxic Acres without my antidote. ''[gives the injection]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': Oooh! Whew, you'd think after livin' with Mr. J, I'd be used to a little pain. :'''Poison Ivy''': Why do you put up with that clown? :'''Harley Quinn''': Don't get me wrong. My puddin's a little rough sometimes, but he loves me, really. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[sarcastically]'' Sure he does. You're just one big, forgiving doormat, aren't you? :'''Harley Quinn''': I am NOT a doormat! ...Am I? :'''Poison Ivy''': If you had a middle name, it would be Welcome. But cheer up, kid. You just need some lessons in good old female self-esteem. In other words, let's play with the boys on ''our'' terms. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': That should keep you big strong men busy while we weak little girls loot your trophy room. :'''Harley Quinn''': Gee, Ives, you got style! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[sighs softly]'' No offense, Ives, but I'm not very hungry. Somehow I don't feel like my old perky self. Something's missing. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[angrily slams her form on Harley's plate]'' Will you stop?! I can't believe you're still mooning over that psychotic creep! :'''Harley Quinn''': Well, maybe I'd feel better if I knew he missed me, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': HARLEY!!! This place is going to blinking blue blazes! Anybody seen my socks?! '''HARLEY!!!''' ''[the hyenas snarl at Joker]'' OH!! They snapped at me! What's going on, Rock? This place is a mess, no one's fed the hyenas and I can't find my socks! Where's Harley?! :'''Rocko''': Y-y-ya canned her, boss. Remember? :'''Joker''': So? She's always come back before. :'''Rocko''': Gee... I guess ya ain't seen the papers then. :'''Joker''': Papers?! What are you babbling about?! ''[snatches the newspaper from Rocko and reads an article of Harley's partnership with Poison Ivy]'' '''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!''''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[to Poison Ivy]'' I remember when I would go driving like this with Mr. J. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[imitating Harley Quinn]'' "Mr. J, Mr. J." Oh, change the record, Harl! You wanna be some wacko's victim the rest of your life?! ===''Shadow Of The Bat Part 1'' [1.57]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[indignant after reading about James Gordon's arrest]'' We'll see about this. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara Gordon]]''': So Batman can't help me? Fine. Let's see what Batgirl can do! ===''Shadow Of The Bat Part 2'' [1.58]=== :'''Two-Face''': Don't get wise with me, Mason. Remember who got you set up as Gordon's assistant? :'''Gil Mason''': Right, Harvey, right. :'''Two-Face''': ''[grabs him]'' Don't call me that! It's TWO-FACE to you, pretty boy! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I should've known it would be Two-Face. It's a perfect two-part plan. He consolidates the gangs while Mason takes over the police. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Gil Mason is about to murder James Gordon to become commissioner, and later mayor]'' :'''Gil Mason''': It's business, Jim. Nothing personal. Matter of fact, I respect you, I do. But a fellow has to take his opportunities where he finds them. And with you out of the way, I'll be mayor inside of a year! :'''Gordon''': You're SICK, Gil! ''[glances at Two-Face]'' A lot sicker than him! At least I can see his bad half! :'''Mason''': Sorry you feel that way. At least you won't have to worry about Barbara. I'll take good care of her. She's very fond of me, you know. :'''Gordon''': You piece of scum! I may not be able to stop you, but I know someone who will! :'''Mason''': I wouldn't get your hopes up. You see, there's been a recent decline in the bat population... ===''Blind As A Bat'' [1.59]=== :'''Penguin''': Your aim appears to be a little off today, Batman. I don't think you could hit the broad side of a barn, let alone the broad side of this bird! You're blind as a bat. Sightless and helpless. :'''Batman''': You've got ''one'' right. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': You have a call on your private line. :'''Bruce''': Then let's go! :'''Alfred''': In your condition, sir? :'''Bruce''': If you think a little inconvenience like this is going to stop me... :''[he knocks over a lamp]'' :'''Alfred''': Indeed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': ''[contacting Mayor Hill's office from the Raven]'' Quite a machine, this Raven. Amazing what its communications equipment can do. Don't you agree? You've received my instructions? :'''Mayor Hill''': They arrived by messenger this morning. You know, one-hundred million is a a lot of money. It'll take time to raise that much. :'''Penguin''': You're stalling, Hill. Obviously, you're not taking me seriously. I've warned you not to make that mistake. Apparently, I'll have to show you why. :''[shuts off communication and Hill angrily snaps his pencil in half]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Hill''': Just what I was afraid of. According to the controller's office, we can't come close to putting that ransom together. Not without shutting down basic municipal services. :'''Detective Bullock''': So what other options do we got? :'''Batman''': ''[emerging from the shadows]'' None, gentlemen. Which is why you're going to do exactly what the Penguin wants you to. ===''The Demon's Quest Part 1'' [1.60]=== :'''Ra's al Ghul''': As [[W:Napoleon|Napoleon]] told me, "A strong will can fuel a frail physique." <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Look at it, detective. One of the last of the rainforests. The world depends upon its oxygen, yet the rich see only profit in its destruction. You, who belong to the overclass, have much to answer for. :'''Batman''': Bruce Wayne donates millions of dollars a year to preserve these forests. :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Which are being depleted at the rate of 120,000 acres a day. Does your money solve this problem? No! It will take more than wealth. It will take power, and I fear, ruthlessness. Humankind must be forced to serve the planet instead of its own appetites. :'''Batman''': And you're the one who'll do the forcing? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': I am... qualified, yes. But I may not have sufficient lifetimes left to me. ===''The Demon's Quest Part 2'' [1.61]=== :'''Ubu''': Infidel! :'''Batman''': If you only knew how sick I am of you calling me that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ra's al Ghul''': The material of the Pit is an unknown chemical stew that bubbles to the Earth's surface only in certain key places. Even now, my people are placing bombs, such as that one, over the various Lazarus Pits around the world. These bombs are electronically linked to a private satellite already in Earth orbit. :'''Batman''': ''Orpheus''. :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Precisely. And at the moment when sun and moon are in proper alignment to cause the greatest upheaval in Earth's geomagnetic field, I shall send a signal to that satellite, beginning a countdown. Five minutes thereafter, one bomb will be lowered deep into the heart of each Pit. The satellite will in turn relay a microwave signal that will detonate all the bombs simultaneously. The multiple explosions will result in a global chain reaction. All the Lazarus Pits throughout the world will overflow. The globe will be saturated with their chemical solution, and when the resultant cataclysm has abated, there will come a blessed peace, and this poor, defiled planet shall find itself restored to its former pristine glory. :'''Batman''': But that will cost countless lives! :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Actually, Detective, we ''have'' counted: Two billion, fifty-six million, nine hundred and eighty-six thousand! A most impressive plan, would you not agree? :'''Batman''': Yes... I can see it clearly now for the first time. You are completely out of your mind. ===''His Silicon Soul'' [1.62]=== :'''Rossum''': You don't understand. You're not a man's mind in a robot's body. You're a robot. Period. :'''Bat-Duplicant''': You're lying! It's not possible! I know my family and friends! I remember names, faces, birthdays! I have memories! A past! :'''Rossum''': You have information. Data. Nothing more. Do you remember your first kiss? Your favorite song? The last time you tasted a really good steak? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[about the duplicant]'' Could it be it had a soul, Alfred? A soul of silicon, but a soul nonetheless. ===''Fire From Olympus'' [1.63]=== :'''Stavros''': Please! It's not what you think. I wasn't going to say anything. Honest! :'''[[w:Maxie Zeus|Maximillion "Maxie" Zeus]]''': Silence! First, you transgress against me. Then, you force me to descend to the mortal plane. And now, you tell me I know not what I think?! :'''Stavros''': No! :'''Zeus''': To the depths of Tartarus with you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zeus''': You bore me with these tales of petty human concerns. :'''Clio''': ''[annoyed]'' You're doing it again, Max. :'''Zeus''': You are Clio, my muse of history. Amuse me with tales of ancient times when mortals trembled at the name of Zeus. :'''Clio''': You want a story? I got one. Seems there was this guy named Max who, because he'd been lucky so far in the smuggling racket, believed himself to be untouchable, superior, godlike... :'''Zeus''': There's a cynical edge to your voice I don't appreciate. Know you not, I am above mortal constraints of right and wrong? :'''Clio''': No one is above the law, Max. :'''Zeus''': I make my own laws! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zeus''': Begone, Lord [[w:Hades|Hades]]. Get thee back to thine own realm. Do not come again to Olympus until bidden! :'''Batman''': I think I get the message. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Clio''': ''[telling Batman about Zeus]'' He wasn't always this way, you know. But then business got bad and he started handling cargo for the mob. After a while, with the pressure, the tension... things got confused. He's not living in the real world anymore. ''[awkwardly]'' Maybe you can relate to that? :'''Batman''': ''[after a short silence]'' You're the only one who can get me close enough to help him - while some of the man you knew still exists. ===''Read My Lips'' [1.64]=== :'''Batman''': How do you think I found this place? The phone book? I had help. ''Inside'' help. :'''[[w:Ventriloquist (comics)|Scarface]]''': My premonition! I knew I was right! Which one of you louses is it?! :'''Rhino''': It ain't me boss! :'''Scarface''': I know it ain't you, Rhino! You're too stupid to be a traitor! :'''Rhino''': Thanks, boss. :'''Scarface''': But whoever it is, they're gonna pay big time! Who is it?! You don't talk, you get the ultimate massage! :'''Batman''': And if I tell? :'''Scarface''': Maybe you just get run over by a truck. :'''Batman''': Tempting, but no. :'''Scarface''': Have it your way. Rhino! :''[Rhino gets ready to pull the lever to lower Batman to a pit of mannequins with razor-sharp fingernails]'' :'''Batman''': Hold it! :'''Scarface''': This is gettin' old, Bats. Last chance, who's the traitor? :'''Batman''': Him! The Ventriloquist! :''[everyone glares at the Ventriloquist]'' :'''Ventriloquist''': No, no! He's lying! I told you when he came into my room! :'''Scarface''': So what? Maybe you did 'cause I had ya cornered. Heard ya talkin' to Batman. :'''Batman''': ''[uses his own ventriloquism to imitate the Ventriloquist]'' Shut up, you blockhead! :'''Scarface''': WHAT DID YOU SAY?! :'''Ventriloquist''': It wasn't me! I didn't say that! My lips didn't move! :'''Scarface''': So what?! You're a ventriloquist! You're also a lyin' yellow liver-bellied two-face! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, Scarface! I'm loyal! I'd never! :'''Batman''': He's been feeding me information, in return for legal protection. ''[imitates the Ventriloquist again]'' You're going up the river, sawdust-for-brains! :'''Scarface''': Why, I oughta...! Waste the floor-flusher! Come on, I gave an order! ICE HIM! DO IT! DO IT NOW! :'''Muggsy''': But, boss, we ventilate the Ventriloquist, your, y'know... :'''Scarface''': I'M SURROUNDED BY TRAITORS! Okay, fine. Ya want something done right, do it yourself! ''[aims his gun at the Ventriloquist]'' ===''The Worry Men'' [1.65]=== :'''Veronica''': If ever someone led a worry-free life, it's you, Bruce Wayne. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce''': Tell me, Alfred: what's an ancient Mayan witch doctor doing on a Gotham skyscraper? :'''Alfred''': This isn't one of those Riddler questions, is it? :'''Bruce''': No, but it's just as confusing. <hr width="50%"/> :''[As Batman attempts to escape from his guillotine]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Oh, you're a clever one! But I will not be denied! As the great [[w:Lewis Carroll|Lewis Carroll]] said: "[[w:Jabberwocky|One, two, one, two, and through and through the vorpal blade went snicker-snack! He left it dead, and with its head, he went galumphing back!]]" <hr width="50%"/> :''[Freed from his mind control, the Mad Hatter's jaguar gang turn on him]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Stop! :'''Shaman''': Yes, stop. Leave him to the police. :'''Mad Hatter''': Thank you. Thank you, you generous, forgiving, ''[draws a gun from his hat]'' noble fool! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': I must say, after all the Hatter put him through, that fellow showed remarkable restraint. :'''Bruce''': When everything was said and done, all the shaman really wanted was to go home. In fact, I hear he even sent the Hatter a farewell gift. :''[The Hatter is seen tossing and turning in bed in Arkham]'' :'''Bruce''': Something to ensure that Jervis Tetch only dreams of a good honest life from now on. :''[A Batman doll is revealed from under the Hatter's pillow]'' ==Season 2== ===''Sideshow'' [2.1]=== :'''Killer Croc''': You know, there's something the brains back at the joint didn't think about. :'''Prison Guard''': Yeah, what's that? :'''Killer Croc''': Crocodile's got the strongest jaws of any animal around. ''[bites his handcuffs in half]'' :'''Prison Guard''': ''[spits the coffee out of his mouth and pins Croc with the shotgun]'' Get back! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman arrives with his shadow. Goliath wakes up and Batman covers Goliath's mouth by calming him down]'' :'''Batman''': Calm down, I won't hurt you. I'm just looking for someone: half man, half crocodile. ''[Goliath looks over worriedly]'' He's in there, isn't he? :'''Goliath''': ''[Pushes Batman to the cage]'' No! Stay away! ''[Holds him against it]'' He's one of us. Croc, run! :'''Batman''': ''[Kicks Goliath into the stomach]'' I don't wanna hurt you. :'''Goliath''': Don't worry, you won't. ''[Hits Batman with the big punch and Batman and Goliath starts fighting]'' :'''Killer Croc''': ''[Comes out of the house]'' You. ''[Gives Batman a spear]'' :'''Billy''': Richard, help! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Billy the Seal Boy''': Why, Croc? Why'd you turn on us like that? We could have helped you, we could have done something. :'''Killer Croc''': You said you can be yourself out here, remember? Well, I guess that's what I was doing - being myself. ===''A Bullet For Bullock'' [2.2]=== :'''Bullock''': Let's get something straight from the get-go. I think you're a freak and a menace, and those are your ''good'' points. But the commish says you serve a purpose, so I go along. :'''Batman''': I appreciate your honesty. What's the problem? :'''Bullock''': Somebody's got it in for me. Tried to give me a fender massage last night. It ain't the first time. Last week too. :'''Batman''': Any suspects? :'''Bullock''': So many, they could have their own zip code. I've put a lot of guys away, and they hate me for it. Looks like one of them hates me enough to do something about it. :'''Batman''': Why me? Why not just go to the department? :'''Bullock''': I step on a lot of toes. I don't want Internal Affairs looking at me too close. They might find some things I don't want found. :'''Batman''': Are you on the take? :'''Bullock''': Watch it, freak! I never took a dime from nobody! I just bend the rules a little sometimes, you understand. We're not all that different. :'''Batman''': We're on the same side, but we're ''not'' the same. I'll help you find out who's after you, but you've got to collar them clean. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': We ''are'' speaking of the same person, are we not? Harvey Bullock? The detective who looks like an unmade bed? :'''Batman''': The same. :'''Alfred''': He came to ''you'' for help? It must be serious. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Montoya''': Bullock? You okay? You don't look so good. I mean, you never look good, but today you look worse. :'''Bullock''': After fifteen years working in this cesspool, I'd like to see how good ''you'' look! <hr width="50%"/> :''[In the Batmobile]'' :'''Bullock''': Nice starship you got here. What's this for? ''[points towards a button]'' :'''Batman''': Passenger ejector seat. :''[Bullock withdraws nervously, while Batman smirks slightly]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bullock''': By the way, I still think you're a freak, but... thanks. ===''Trial'' [2.3]=== :'''Two-Face''': Basic fifty-fifty option. You get him off, you both go free. He goes down, you take the fall with him. :'''Mad Hatter''': Amusing idea, what? Kidnapping you to be Batman's attorney? :'''Two-Face''': Personally, I suggested a quick slug between the eyes... but I lost the coin toss. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarface''': Court is now in session! The Good People of Arkham Asylum vs. the Self-Righteous Vigilante Called Batman! Our prosecutor is ready, likewise our fair and impartial jury. :'''Mad Hatter''': Hang him! :'''Harley''': Shoot him! :'''Killer Croc''': Hit him with a rock! :'''Scarface''': And now, all rise for the most honorable, most benevolent, most merciful Judge Joker! :'''Joker''': GUILTY! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I was promised a chance to defend my client! :'''Joker''': Oh, very well. Like it'll make a difference. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I suppose that you, like your friends, claim that Batman ''drove'' you to be a criminal? :'''Mad Hatter''': He did. :'''Janet Van Dorn''': And yet, as I recall in your case, you brainwashed and kidnapped a woman who rejected you. :'''Mad Hatter''': Batman forced me to do it! He was going to take her away from me! I had no choice! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': You could have respected her wishes and left her alone. :'''Mad Hatter''': I'D HAVE KILLED HER FIRST! ''[gasps and covers his mouth, then turns to the Joker]'' I'd like that last statement stricken from the record, please. :'''Joker''': Record? Is someone supposed to be writing this down? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': And so it's Batman's fault you lead a life of crime? :'''Poison Ivy''': He should have let me bump off Harvey Dent. We'd all have been better off - wouldn't we, Harv? :'''Two-Face''': ''[muttering while flipping his coin]'' Why, you rotten little... :'''Janet Van Dorn''': But Miss Isley, isn't the real motivation for your crimes your obsession with plants? That you prefer them to people? :'''Poison Ivy''': I love plants, honey, but a rose is a rose. :'''Janet Van Dorn''': Then it doesn't bother you when someone, let's say the judge here, ''[plucks the flower from the Joker's robe]'' ruthlessly ''plucks'' a defenceless flower from the warm green earth? :'''Poison Ivy''': No! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': Even knowing he's given it his death sentence? That its petals must die? ''[starts pulling its petals out]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': Stop it...! :'''Poison Ivy''': One by one, withering, falling. One by one till it's all gone, ''honey.'' :''[She crushes the flower so that it crumbles apart. Ivy shrieks with rage and attacks her, and the Scarecrow and Mad Hatter rush in to restrain her]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Miss Ivy, please! :'''Scarface''': You look beautiful when you're angry. :''[Ivy smacks the Ventriloquist in the face, and Scarface laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I used to believe Batman was responsible for you people. But now I see nearly everyone here would have ended up exactly the same, Batman or not. Oh, the gimmicks might be different, but you'd all be out there in some form or another bringing misery to Gotham. The truth is, ''you'' created ''him.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Well done, counsellor. You've proven that Batman ''didn't'' create us - that we, in fact, messed up our own rotten lives! And as we are so rotten, vile and depraved... we're going to waste you anyway! :''[The inmates cheer and close in on Batman and Janet]'' :'''Joker''': [[w:Porky Pig|A-bi-a-bi-a-bi, that's all, folks!]] ''[bangs down a rubber chicken]'' Let's mambo! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I see now there's a need for the things you do. But I'm still going to work towards a city that doesn't need Batman. :'''Batman''': ''[smiling]'' Me too. ===''Avatar'' [2.4]=== :'''Lucius Fox''': Without a doubt, this will be one of the best museum exhibitions Gotham City has ever seen. You can be quite the humanitarian on occasion, Bruce. It's commendable. It's inspiring. :'''Bruce''': It's deductible. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce''': You've got a serious priority problem, Ra's. What can be in that tomb that's more valuable than the love of your daughter? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Power, detective. The power once held by almighty Thoth-Khepera, Queen of Two Continents. :'''Bruce''': You surprise me, Ra's. The world's oldest chauvinist chasing after a woman? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Thoth-Khepera was not simply a woman, detective, nor merely a ruler. Through her flowed the power of the gods. With no more than a gesture, she controlled the force of life and death, and with it, she kept a nation under her thumb for one thousand years. :'''Bruce''': You sound like a bad Saturday afternoon serial, Ra's. This is sheer nonsense. :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': No, detective - I know there is a power there to be tapped! My six hundred years of life are proof of that power. :''[Bruce and Talia are trapped in a glass booth]'' :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Farewell, detective. Farewell, Talia. It is said that one finds one's immortality in one's offspring. Alas, I know that to be a lie. ===''House and Garden'' [2.5]=== :'''Batman''': She's done nothing more incriminating than return an overdue video - even paid the late fee. :'''Alfred''': Could it be Ivy truly has reformed? :'''Batman''': I want to believe it. Why can't I? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You haven't changed a bit. :'''Poison Ivy''': Yes, I have. I meant it when I said I wanted a family that loves me. I just wanted it on my terms. :'''Robin''': Lady, you're nuts! :'''Poison Ivy''': Well, that's ''your'' opinion. Probably the last one you'll ever have, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': I'm just sorry she got away. :'''Batman''': Me too, Robin. But I don't think we'll see her again anytime soon. :''[The real Ivy is shown escaping on a plane out of Gotham, looking through a scrapbook]'' :'''Batman''': Ivy lost everything she had, everything she said she ever wanted. For what it's worth, I believed her when she told me that for the first time in her life... she was happy. :''[Ivy sheds tears as she looks at a photo of her wedding]'' ===''The Terrible Trio'' [2.6]=== :'''Warren''': Is this all you do for kicks, Bruce? Charity work? :'''Bruce''': Well, I do have a night life. Pull! ''[shoots down a clay pigeon]'' Besides, it's important to help others. It may sound corny, but hey, it's how I feel. :'''Warren''': You must recognize that you are a superior animal, Bruce. A member of the elite. Pull! ''[shoots down another clay pigeon]'' Take my Delta brothers and me. Why, we've run with the bulls! :'''Armand''': Shot game from hot air balloons! :'''Gunther''': Killed a great white! :'''Warren''': We've done it all. Ah, therein lies the problem. After all, what do the rajas do when there are no more tigers to hunt? :'''Bruce''': I'm sure you'll think of something, Warren. ''[leaves]'' :'''Warren''': Dollar for dollar, that has to be the dullest man in Gotham City. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Scoundrels like these are worse than the Joker. At least he's got madness as an excuse! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Let's go, Fox. You've raided your last chicken coop. :'''Warren''': Wait, wait a minute! We can make a deal! A million dollars to let me go! ''Ten'' million! Think about it. Buys a lot of Batarangs! :'''Batman''': ''[unimpressed]'' Your money's no good here. :'''Warren''': Okay, fine! Go ahead, take me in, hero! I've got every judge in town in my pocket! You'll see! I'll get justice! The best that money can buy! :''[Next, Warren is seen being ushered into a cell at Stonegate, where his burly new cellmate gives him a menacing look]'' ===''Harlequinade'' [2.7]=== :'''Harley''': ''[in handcuffs]'' I sense a lack of trust. :'''Robin''': Are you sure you don't need help keeping Zippy under control? :''[Harley picks the lock on her cuffs while Batman speaks]'' :'''Batman''': I'm fine. Besides, I need you to be ready if Gordon's men get any leads. I'll signal if there's trouble. :'''Robin''': You got it. :'''Harley''': I wanna listen to the radio! ''[reaches for the controls]'' :'''Batman''': DON'T--! :''[Harley Quinn deploys a parachute, causing the Batmobile to swerve wildly. When the Batmobile stops, Batman is furious]'' :'''Harley''': ''[timidly]'' Oops... :'''Batman''': Listen, and listen good. You don't touch anything, say anything, or DO ANYTHING UNLESS I TELL YOU! GOT IT?! :'''Harley''': Yes, sir. :'''Batman''': ''[turns away, Harley begins making faces at him]'' So far, Joker hasn't been seen in any of his old hideouts. I want you to show me the last place he used when he escaped. ''[catches her making a face, which she replaces with a sheepish grin]'' :'''Harley''': Okay! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Instead of taking you, the cops, and the Batman down separately? I'm gonna blast you all at once! ''[takes out his phone and speaks into it]'' Send down the plane, boys! We're blowing town! Literally. ''[gets off the phone]'' :'''Mayor''': But all those innocent people... :'''Joker''': Some joke on them, eh? Think of it as the ultimate punchline! Ha ha ha ha ha! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': It's lucky you were here, Quinn. The countdown sequence didn't leave Joker enough time to swing by Arkham and pick you up. :'''Joker''': Quiet, brat. :'''Harley''': You ''were'' gonna come for me, weren't you, Puddin'? :'''Joker''': Of course, pumpkin-pie! It's just that... well, here you are, so I can, err, save myself the trip! :'''Harley''': But what about all our friends, Ivy and Two-Face and... Hat-Guy and Lizard-Man and Puppet-Head and-- ''[Joker shoves her into the plane]'' :'''Joker''': What about them? :'''Batman''': Don't forget your little pets! :'''Harley''': ''[gasps]'' The babies! We can't leave the babies! :'''Joker''': ''[shoves Harley into the plane again]'' I'll buy you a goldfish! Let's go! :'''Harley''': ''[struggling]'' NO! :'''Joker''': Why, you little...! :''[Harley kicks him in the face]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley''': ''[points the gun against Joker]'' Freeze, clown! :'''Batman''': Quinn, stop! :'''Harley''': He's mine, Bats! :'''Joker''': ''[grinning]'' You wouldn't dare. You don't have the guts! Not in a million years would you-- :''[Harley pulls the trigger - and a flag that reads "Rat-Tat-Tat" comes out of the barrel. The Joker stares at her for a moment, and throws his arms wide to embrace her]'' :'''Joker''': Baby, you're the greatest! ===''Time Out Of Joint'' [2.8]=== :'''Mayor Hill''': You! How did you get past-- :'''The Clock King''': Good evening, Mayor! Nice to see you again too. And whose life are you ruining now? A poor pensioner? A malnourished orphan, perhaps? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Hill''': Please, Fugate, don't hurt me! :'''The Clock King''': If it's any comfort, my revenge will encompass more than just you. I intend to pass a most timely sentence on the entire judicial system. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': It's a shame that you've decided to keep this device a secret. :'''Dr. Wataki''': It would seem that the world is not quite ready for it yet. :'''Robin''': Gee, that's too bad for Fugate. I'm sure he'll wish he had something to make the days pass quicker where he's going. ===''Catwalk'' [2.9]=== :'''Scarface''': Calm down, pussycat. We're all friends here. ''[to the Ventriloquist]'' Dummy, don't keep our pretty guest in the dark. :'''Ventriloquist''': Yes, sir, Mr. Scarface. ''[turns on the lot, revealing him and Scarface]'' :'''Scarface''': Ah, that's better. :'''Selina Kyle''': ''[gasps]'' You gotta be kidding! ''[laughs]'' :'''Scarface''': What's she laughin' at? My fly ain't open, is it?! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, sir. :'''Scarface''': So what's the gag? :'''Selina Kyle''': Oh come on, you know! ''[in a goofy voice]'' "What's the gag?" :'''Scarface''': ''[aims his gun at Selina]'' Can it, sister! This is Scarface you're dealing with, and I don't stand for no disrespect. :'''Ventriloquist''': I'd do as he says, ma'am. Mr. Scarface can be quite insistent. :'''Scarface''': I don't think anyone's talking to you! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, sir. No, sir. :'''Selina Kyle''': Right... so, what do you want with me? :'''Scarface''': My boys happened to be in the museum when they saw your little set-to with Miss Ronnie V. They also seen you licking your whiskers at the sight of Ronnie's pretty sparklers. :'''Selina Kyle''': You're boring me, log. :''[the Ventrloquist pulls out an envelope from his coat]'' :'''Scarface''': So what if I could provide you with a foolproof plan to snatchin' those rocks with no risk of you gettin' caught? :'''Selina Kyle''': Pass. Kitty's been staying it at night. It's not the greatest, but it beats the pound, if you know what I mean. :'''Scarface''': Now, that's a darn shame. And I thought for sure you'd want a chance to get even with the Vreelands. Not just for yourself, ya understand, but for all those poor little stuffed critters what never had the chance to fight back. :'''Selina Kyle''': Oh, barf. :'''Scarface''': It's a 50/50 cut. Take it or leave it? You in or what? :''[Selina thinks about it for a while then picks up the envelope]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': What a pleasant surprise. Though I should warn you - breaking and entering is against the law. :'''Batman''': You would know. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarface''': [[w:Tweety|I thawt I thaw a putty tat!]] <hr width="50%"/> :''[Catwoman crushes Scarface under some logs]'' :'''Catwoman''': That's one way to remove a splinter. What's wrong, Ventriloquist? Cat got your tongue? :'''Ventriloquist''': Please, I never hurt you! Scarface, he's another person, not me, really! :'''Catwoman''': But he's inside you somewhere. And I'm going to keep scratching until I find him. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': [[w:Just So Stories|I am the cat who walks by herself.]] ===''Bane'' [2.10]=== :'''Thorne''': You almost didn't get paid. You're lucky these diamonds didn't get nabbed in the smuggling bust. :'''[[w:Bane (comics)|Bane]]''': No, Mr. Thorne. You are the lucky one. ''[He punches the punching bag across the room]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': He wrecked my car, Alfred. Between two guys, that's ''real'' personal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bane''': Toys. You try to fight me with pathetic little TOYS. You've got nothing! Beg for mercy! SCREAM MY NAME! :'''Batman''': Never. :'''Bane''': You are beaten! Now I will break you! ===''Baby-Doll'' [2.11]=== :'''Robin''': ''[on "Love That Baby"]'' I remember this show from when I was a kid. It still stinks. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At Wayne Manor, Summer Gleeson is on the telephone talking to Marv Wolfman at her office.]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': I don't care what Mayor Hill says. The people have a right to know, and if he won't talk to us-- ''[Batman drops a photo of Baby-Doll onto her desk]'' I'll call you back, Marv. ''[to Batman and Robin]'' Since when are you interested in has-been actors? :'''Batman''': Since that one's been kidnapping her co-stars. :'''Summer Gleeson''': You're serious? :'''Robin''': She's been picking them off, one by one. Any reason she'd have a grudge? :'''Summer Gleeson''': Actually, ''they'' should hate ''her.'' Dahl put them all out of work when she quit the series to become a "dramatic" actress. :''[Summer plays a video of Mary Dahl playing Lady Macbeth]'' :'''Mary Dahl''': What, will these hands never be clean? Here's the smell of the blood still. All the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand. :'''Robin''': Pee-yew! :'''Summer Gleeson''': That's what the critics said. Baby's dramatic career flopped, and when she tried to start her TV show again, the networks turned her down. :'''Batman''': That still doesn't explain why she's after her old cast. :'''Robin''': ''[picks up a cassette]'' Maybe there's a clue in these old episodes. :'''Summer Gleeson''': You can borrow them if you want. And when you crack the case, you can pay me back with an exclusive... ''[turns to see that they have gone]'' interview. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': Naughty, naughty, Daddys! Mustn't yell at your Baby like thats. :'''Tod Baker''': You're not my daughter, and we're not a family! We're actors, remember?! You cancelled our show because you whined you weren't getting enough attention! :'''Baby-Doll''': ''[putting on a sad face]'' But I knows now I made a boo-boo! ''[sniffles and breaks character]'' It was hard for me out there. I studied and trained and auditioned, but no one wanted me. ''[plays the sound of a crowd going "Aww..." on her tape recorder]'' Over the years, I remembered how happy I was with all of you around me, and the folks at home watching me each week. Me, ''[goes back into her "cute" voice]'' Baby-Doll! ''[giggles]'' Now I'm Baby for good, and everyone will love me agains! Hugs, hugs! :''[Her goons force the actors to share a hug with her, and she plays the "Aww..." again]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': ''[watching episodes of Baby Doll's old TV show]'' Remember that time Poison Ivy nearly smothered us in those vines, with the ''really'' sharp thorns? :'''Batman''': Yes. :'''Robin''': This is worse. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': ''[after her TV brother is rendered unconscious by her bodyguard]'' Sorry I had to play roughs, Tippy. I didn't mean to. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': ''[Mariam kicks Robin around]'' Wow, lady! You're good! :'''Mariam''': It's a living... <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman pursues Baby-Doll in a funhouse tunnel maze]'' :'''Baby-Doll''': Silly Mr. Batman can't catch me! :'''Batman''': Don't run away! I know you're scared, confused - I can help you! :'''Baby-Doll''': Liar, liar, cape on fire! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': Game's over, Mr. Batman! ''[laughs]'' I WIN! ''[Batman fires his grappling gun, knocking the doll-gun down a slide]'' No fair! ''[runs to retrieve it, and stumbles into a room full of fun-house mirrors. Picks up the gun, wandering through the various distorted reflections, until she comes to one that shows her as an adult]'' Look! That's me in there. The ''real'' me! There I am... ''[touches the reflection, and her face changes]'' ...But it's not ''really'' real, is it? Just... made up and pretend, like my family and my life and everything else! ''[turns to face Batman, who stands behind her]'' '''''WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST LET ME MAKE-BELIEVE?!''''' ''[fires at mirrors, and cries after breaking the mirror with her adult reflection. Batman approaches her]'' I didn't ''mean'' to... ===''The Lion And The Unicorn'' [2.12]=== :''[Alfred breaks a chair over a thug's head.]'' :'''Robin''': And here all I thought you dusted was furniture. :'''Alfred''': A [[w:Louis XV|Louis Quinze]]; what a pity. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred Pennyworth''': ''[after being drugged with a truth serum]'' You'll get nothing but gibberish out of me, madam. I come from haunts of cootenfern and knicker sudden Sally. Uh... dee-dum dee-dum dee-dum dee-dum, and bicker down the valley. :'''Red Claw''': And people wonder why no one takes Britain seriously anymore. ===''Showdown'' [2.13]=== :'''Sheriff''': Well, well. Jonah Hex, his own bad self. Been here five minutes and you ain't killed nobody nor set nothin' on fire. Slippin', ain't you? :'''[[w:Jonah Hex|Jonah Hex]]''': I'm still a little bushed. :'''Sheriff''': Fact is, you look a little past it, Hex. Not tired, just all used up. :'''Hex''': Well, when I get pushed, I can still shoot a fly out from between its wings. Provided the light's right, of course... and it's a big ''plump'' fly. :''[The sheriff glances down at his own portly figure. Two other bargoers retreat outside, sensing trouble.]'' :'''Sheriff''': I ain't got nothin' on you, Hex... yet. Just remember, them wanted posters say "dead or alive". You might try "alive" this time. :'''Hex''': First time for everything. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duvall''': It would appear we have ourselves a government spy. A rather disreputable-looking one at that. Well, Mr. Spy, I'd say your plan has failed, and the railroad is doomed. :'''Hex''': I ain't no spy! I'm Jonah Hex, and I don't give a tinker's cuss about no railroad. I've come to get ''you'', Arkady Duvall, on account of what you done to that girl back east. :'''Duvall''': ''[chuckles]'' You mean to say, you've tracked me across ''twelve states'' because of that? :'''Hex''': Well, there's also the matter of a 200 dollar reward. That part don't hurt my feelings none. :'''Duvall''': You're either a liar or a fool. :'''Hex''': I've been known to be foolish, but ain't ''nobody'' calls me a liar and goes to bed happy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hex''': Now! Let's you and me dance. :'''Duvall''': You cannot defeat me. I am a Heidelberg fencing champion. :'''Hex''': My heart's all a-flutter. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duvall''': Five thousand in gold, take it. Leave me be. :'''Hex''': It ain't about money, boy. It's about justice. And I aim to serve you some. :'''Duvall''': Let me live, please! :'''Hex''': I will. Only because it's too much trouble to haul your stinkin' carcass back east. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You left Duvall to his fate a century ago. Why come back for him now? :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Did you really think, detective, that in my six hundred years of life, I would have sired only ''one'' offspring? Even before the Phoenix debacle, I had come to realize that Arkady was too unbalanced and cruel to wisely rule my empire. :'''Batman''': But you couldn't forget about him. :'''Ra's al Ghul''': What father can ever forget his son? Come now, detective, I've still a few good years left. We will cross swords another day. But for now, let me take my boy home. ===''Riddler's Reform'' [2.14]=== :''[After learning about the theft of historical antiquities on TV]'' :'''Riddler''': ''[in Bruce's memory]'' Those are things of the past, Batman. Ancient history that's gone now. I'm a new man! But you probably won't figure that out before it's too late! ''[laughs]'' :'''Bruce''': ''He'' did it. :'''Dick''': Who? :'''Bruce''': The Riddler. Remember what he said: "Things of the past." "Ancient history that's gone now." Look! :'''Dick''': Gee, I don't know. His riddles aren't usually that subtle. Besides, he's got a multimillion dollar deal with that toy company. Why would he throw it away over some stupid riddle crime? :'''Bruce''': Because that's the way his warped mind works. He's obsessed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': He's right, you know. :'''Manny''': Who? :'''Riddler''': Batman. He ''is'' going to catch me, sooner or later. :'''Manny''': Gee, boss, you're scaring me. You're talking kinda crazy. :'''Riddler''': DON'T YOU ''EVER'' CALL ME THAT! I fooled the police, the doctors, the Parole Board - all of them! There's only one person who's ever been able to challenge me: ''BATMAN!'' He's the only one worthy of the game! :'''Manny''': But you said sooner or later he's gonna catch you. What are you gonna do? :'''Riddler''': I'm never going back to Arkham! So I guess there's only one thing to do! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': Hello, Batman. This is it: the end of the game. I'm a little sad actually. You were a worthy opponent. But then, I told you I'd make a ''killing'' at the Toy Fair! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': ''[ranting in a cell in Arkham]'' It's IMPOSSIBLE, I tell you! Impossible! My trap was perfect! How did he do it?! I have to know! SOMEBODY TELL ME! IT'S NOT FAIR! THERE WAS NO WAY, I TELL YOU! NO WAY HE COULD HAVE GOTTEN OUT! SOMEBODY TELL ME! DO YOU HEAR ME?! SOMEBODY TELL ME HOW HE DID IT! I HAVE TO KNOW! '''''I HAVE TO KNOOOOOOOOOW!!!''''' ===''Second Chance'' [2.15]=== :'''Penguin''': And what might ''you'' be doing out there? Catching insects for dinner? :'''Batman''': I'm looking for Two-Face. :'''Penguin''': What, did you lose him? ''[chuckles]'' :'''Batman''': Somebody kidnapped him from Gotham Central tonight. You and he had a disagreement sometime ago, didn't you? :'''Penguin''': It's true. Harvey stole a rare ''avis'' right out from under my beak several months ago. A jewel-encrusted statuette of a two-headed [[w:roc (mythology)|roc]]. It was worth millions. But, my dear rodent, I'd never kidnap a fellow rogue out of his sickbed. It just isn't done. :'''Batman''': Honour among thieves? :'''Penguin''': Absolutely. If I were going to attack Harvey, I'd do it face to face... to face, heh, so to speak. Like THIS! ''[laughs and unleashes his birds on Batman]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You may as well come out. I know everything now. :''[A man emerges, his identity obscured by shadows]'' :'''Batman''': You hated Harvey Dent, and would do anything to destroy him. :''[Lightning flashes, revealing the man to be Two-Face himself]'' :'''Two-Face''': Why not? He was going to destroy me. Just like I'm going to destroy you! ''[attacks him]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Harvey, pull yourself up! :'''Harvey''': I can't! I'll drop the coin! :'''Batman''': Drop it! Save yourself! :'''Harvey''': I... I don't know what to do. The coin won't tell me! :'''Batman''': It can't tell you anything! I switched coins when you grabbed me! :'''Robin''': ''[swings and kicks the thugs out of Batman's way]'' Good thing I decided to tag along after all. :'''Batman''': It's a trick coin! It'll always land on edge! It's ''your'' decision now, Harvey! Life or death? The coin or me? :''[Robin threw the batarang to hit the elevator button to send the thug in an elevator, thunderstruck and Harvey/Two-Face decided to drops the coin]'' :'''Harvey''': Batman, help me. :''[Batman tries to give Harvey a hand, but Two-Face suddenly regains control]'' :'''Two-Face''': Never! ''[punches Batman and falls]'' :'''Batman''': ''HARVEY!!!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harvey''': ''[seen in half-shadow, making him appear to once again be Harvey Dent instead of Two-Face]'' Bruce? Good old Bruce. Always there. You never give up on me. :''[Bruce Wayne smiles and pats Harvey's shoulder before he is escorted away]'' :'''Dick''': He's right. You're always there for him. :'''Bruce''': Yes, just like you're always there for me. :'''Dick''': Hey, what are friends for? ===''Harley's Holiday'' [2.16]=== :'''Scarecrow''': I am the Master of Fear! The Lord of Despair! Cower before me in witless terror! :'''Harley''': Hi, Professor Crane! :'''Scarecrow''': ''[Smiling fondly]'' Good evening, child. ''[To Batman and Robin, furiously]'' Worship me, you fools! Worship me! Scream hosannas of anguish to Scarecrow, the all-terrible God of Fear! ''[Guards take him away]'' :'''Robin''': I think he's getting better. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley''': I'm having a BAD DAY! I'm sick of people trying to shoot me, run me over and blow me up! I didn't even get to keep my new dress - I ACTUALLY PAID FOR IT! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman and Robin take Harley back to Arkham]'' :'''Harley''': ''[sadly]'' [[w:To market, to market|Home again, home again, diggity dig...]] :'''Dr. Joan Leland''': Not for too long, though. Ms. Vreeland dropped the kidnapping charges. With a little more hard work, you should be ready to re-enter society for good. :'''Harley''': Yay... ''[to Batman]'' There's one thing I've gotta know. Why'd you stay with me all day, risking your butt for someone who's never given you anything but trouble? :'''Batman''': I know what it's like to try and rebuild a life. ''[takes her dress out of a bag]'' I had a bad day too, once. :'''Harley''': ''[takes the dress, smiling]'' Nice guys like you shouldn't have bad days. ===''Lock-Up'' [2.17]=== :'''Scarecrow''': Don't take me back there, please! Look at me, Batman! I'm shaking with fear! Me! The Scarecrow! I wasn't even going back to crime this time! I just had to get away from... HIM! :'''[[w:Lock-Up (comics)|Lyle Bolton]]''': I'll take it from here, Batman. Lyle Bolton, Chief of security. Congratulations, Professor Crane. You're the first inmate to escape Arkham under my charge. ''[He grabs Crane by the collar; Crane whimpers]'' You're also the last. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bartholomew''': Miss Quinn? Do you have any complaints against Mr. Bolton? :''[Lyle Bolton sneers threateningly at Harley Quinn]'': :'''Harley Quinn''': I got nothing to say. :'''Bartholomew''': But surely you must have something you wish to- :'''Harley Quinn''': You got a hearing problem or something?! NO! NADA! IXNAY! ZERO! ZILCH! BUPKES! NOTHING! OKAY?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': He threatens us! Takes away our privileges, even when we're good! :'''[[w:Lock-Up (comics)|Lyle Bolton]]''': We've heard enough of this nonsense. :'''Jonathon Crane''': He says scum like us must be kept in line! That's why he chains us down at night and electrifies our doors! :'''Scarface''': He held me over a can filled with a termites! Ya hear me?! ''TERMITES!'' :'''Harley Quinn''': He's an animal! :'''Ventriloquist''': A monster! :'''Jonathon Crane''': Keep him away! :'''Lyle Bolton''': '''SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU!''' :''[The guards retrain Lyle Bolton, he kicks the table, resists the guards and attack and them; he threatens to kill the inmates, and Bruce Wayne trips him with the chair]'' :'''Lyle Bolton''': You're all scum! You should be beaten within an inch of your misbegotten lives! :'''Bartholomew''': I've seen enough! ''[pounds the gravel]'' Lyle Bolton, you're dismissed! :'''Lyle Bolton''': Before I came here, Arkham was a revolving door for every maniac in Gotham. ''I'' kept them in! '''ME!''' Now I realize I was wrong to punish those pathetic miscreants! '''THEY'RE ONLY SYMPTOMS! ''YOU'RE'' THE CAUSE! THE GUTLESS POLICE, MINDLESS BUREAUCRATS, AND CODDLING DOCTORS! YOU SHOULD ALL BE LOCKED UP IN A CAGE WITHOUT A KEY!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lock Up''': I could have rid Gotham of the fools in city hall and the police department! We could have made our own order! :'''Batman''': I was born to fight your brand of order! :'''Lock Up''': If that's your decision...! ===''Make 'Em Laugh'' [2.18]=== :'''Dispatcher''': Disturbance reported at the top of the Crown restaurant. Suspect is a male costumed extremist armed with what appears to be a... ketchup gun. :'''Batman''': It's going to be one of those nights. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Condiment King''': So long, suckers! Parting is such "sweet-and-sour" sorrow. ''[Batman yanks away his loot bag]'' What's this? Ah! The big bad Bat-guy. I knew you'd "ketchup" to me sooner or later. How I've "relished" this meeting. You, the dynamic Dark Knight, versus me, the conceptual Condiment King! Come, Batman. Let's see if you can "cut the mustard". :'''Batman''': Quiet! ''[punches the King in the stomach]'' :'''Condiment King''': ''[slumps to ground, gasping]'' You hit me! :'''Batman''': Now listen, Mustard Man, or whatever you call yourself. You're obviously new at this, so I'm willing to go easy on you, provided you give back the loot and never even think about doing this again. Deal? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Buddy's agent''': I don't get it. Buddy's just thrown his entire career away. The network's cancelling his show and the restaurant's suing him for a million dollars. Why did he do it? It just doesn't make sense. ===''Deep Freeze'' [2.19]=== :'''Batman''': Men like Walker are obsessed with getting their own way. And they don't let little things like the ''law'' stop them. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grant Walker''': Do you realize that in your half-frozen state, you will age more slowly than an ordinary human? You're practically immortal, my friend! :'''Mr. Freeze''': Yes, eternal life trapped in this wretched shell! What a miserable joke. :'''Grant Walker''': Miserable to you, but a godsend to me. Look at me, Mr. Freeze, I'm an old man. I've created wonders in my lifetime, but there is still so much to do! I want to change as you have. To become, like you, a being of blessed, eternal cold. :'''Mr. Freeze''': You're insane. :'''Grant Walker''': Only you know how to duplicate the accident that made you what you are. What I long to become! :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[grabs him]'' You want to live like this? Abandoned and alone? A prisoner in a world you can see but never touch? ''[drops him and turns away]'' Old and infirm as you are, I'd trade a thousand of my frozen years for your worst day. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grant Walker''': Every time I open a park, I get gatecrashers. :'''Batman''': We've seen your insane vision of the future, Walker. :'''Grant Walker''': My world will have no crime, violence or pain. :'''Robin''': You can add free will to that list too! :'''Grant Walker''': A small price to pay for order. :'''Batman''': ''Your'' order! For your select few! :'''Grant Walker''': Excuse me, but I fail to see the problem with that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You can't let Walker do this. Billions of people will perish! :'''Mr. Freeze''': That's not my concern. All that matters is I once again have my wife, and the means to restore her. :'''Batman''': She'll wake up in a dead, frozen world that ''you'' helped destroy. She'll ''hate'' you for that! :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''Silence.'' :'''Batman''': You think you're alone now? Wait until she learns the truth. :'''Mr. Freeze''': '''I SAID ''SILENCE!''''' ''[blasts at Batman and Robin, knocking them backward, then turns back to Nora with a saddened face]'' Forgive me... ''[frees Batman and Robin]'' Come, there is much to do. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Dick recovers from hypothermia]'' :'''Dick''': Man, if I spent any more time in that immersion tank, I'd be growing gills. :'''Bruce''': I'm just glad I was able to get you back here in time. :'''Dick''': Thanks. For a while I thought I'd end up like Walker, trapped in a ice cube forever. What about Mr. Freeze? Do you think he's gone for good? :'''Bruce''': I'm not sure. But if Freeze's condition has made him truly immortal... we may not have seen the last of him. ===''Batgirl Returns'' [2.20]=== :'''Catwoman''': Bats are just mice with wings, little girl. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Batgirl|Batgirl]]''': So, what are you going to do? Leave us over one of these vats with acid burning through the rope? :'''Daggett''': ''[Laughs]'' If there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's that you crime-fighting types are very resourceful. So, I'll just have my men shoot you and throw your bodies in the vats. == About ''{{PAGENAME}}'' == *'''PD''': If I had to differentiate between [Batman and Superman], I'd say Superman is sort of about hope. You've got this guy who's an alien and not truly human, but he personifies all the best qualities of humanity. He's sort of an example of what it would be nice to be like. We would all like to be like Superman. We would all like to have power, compassion, the ability to settle problems in a good way, and maybe [be able to] wink to ourselves about how nobody else besides us knows we really have this secret power and we keep it ourselves. There's not a lot of angst with Superman. If there is, it's more like, "I wish I could tell Lois who I really was." Batman is how you'd like to be if you [could] break someone's neck: "I'm pissed off, and I want to go out and do something about it." Superman waits for trouble to happen, and then he goes off and stops the problem. Batman's looking for trouble; he doesn't really start it, but he's out there looking. And if he sees something going on, he just jumps into the middle of it. :'''JA''': Batman's sort of a sociopath too. :'''PD''': He's absolutely a sociopath. He's a sociopath with a lot of money, and he's got a sense of right and wrong. I don't think he's totally bereft of some sort of compassion or feeling for some of the villains. He doesn't go after somebody like Mr. Freeze without a small bit of compassion for the man, or maybe someone like the Mad Hatter, or even Harley, whom he thinks is certainly a pain in the ass, but I think he kind of wishes she'd get her act together and wise up at some point. <br> But with darker characters like the Scarecrow and the Joker, he's basically out to make sure they never get out again - whatever it takes to take them down. Somebody like the Joker is probably the least human of all of Batman's Rogues Gallery. That was why I never wanted to do a story that humanizes the Joker, like we did with the Mad Hatter or Mr. Freeze, because I just don't think the character lends itself to that. He's almost supernatural in a way; he's somebody who's just thoroughly insane, who does what he wants to do, and who has a grudge against Batman. He probably likes horrifying people with his clownish appearance as much as Batman terrorizes criminals with his nightmare-like appearance. The Joker is pretty inhuman. I'd say the same thing about the Scarecrow. He is someone who really gets turned on by scaring people. He's like the anti-Batman. He's a weak, very unimposing man until he puts on the Scarecrow costume, and then goes out and gasses people with fear gas, and he watches them squirm. There's probably a big turn-on seeing people helpless in front of him screaming in fear. *'''PD''': When [[w:Tim Burton|Tim Burton]]'s ''[[Batman (1989 film)|Batman]]'' came out, that was the way to go. Now [[w:Joel Schumacher|Joel Schumacher]]'s [[Batman Forever|Batman]] is out there, and people are flocking to the movies, so they"re saying, "Can you lighten up the show a little bit? Can you have more fun with it?" So that's what we were charged with doing, and that's what we've done: to lighten up the color palette a little bit, so that every character's not just in dark colors. Robin, for instance, is now black, red, and gold, instead of green. Nightwing is black and a light, almost iridescent, blue. We've also given it a little more of a kid-friendly look. :* [[w:Paul Dini|Paul Dini]], [http://animationarena.com/batman_the_animated_series.html "Batman: The Animated Series"], ''Animation Arena''. * The thing with the Batman show—even though it's one of the most beautiful and well-written shows, and it really gets into Batman—is that it doesn't really move that fast. The fight scenes aren't that intense, and it doesn't really go actiony. There's a lot of walking and talking in it. It looks great, but it needs that kick of having action. And I think that's another thing that kids are picking up on: For the first time, you're actually seeing superheroes really fight bad guys. In a lot of the cartoons when I was growing up, like [[w:Super Friends|Super Friends]], there was no fighting of bad guys. They would just get sent off to jail. It was wacky, it was silly, it wasn't intense, and there wasn't real fighting and stuff in it. ** [[w:Craig McCracken|Craig McCracken]] [http://www.avclub.com/article/the-powerpuff-girls-13665 "The Powerpuff Girls"], Keith Phipps, ''A.V.Club'', Jun 21, 2000. == Cast == * [[Kevin Conroy]] - [[w:Batman|Bruce Wayne/Batman]] * [[w:Loren Lester|Loren Lester]] - [[w:Dick Grayson|Dick Grayson/Robin]] * [[w:Melissa Gilbert|Melissa Gilbert]] - [[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara Gordon/Batgirl]] * [[w:Clive Revill|Clive Revill]]/[[w:Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.|Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.]] - [[w:Alfred Pennyworth|Alfred Pennyworth]] * [[w:Bob Hastings|Bob Hastings]] - [[w:James Gordon (comics)|Commissioner James Gordon]] * [[w:Robert Costanzo|Robert Costanzo]] - [[w:Harvey Bullock (comics)|Detective Harvey Bullock]] * [[w:Ingrid Oliu|Ingrid Oliu]]/Liane Schirmer - [[w:Renee Montoya|Officer Renee Montoya]] * [[Mark Hamill]] - [[w:The Joker (comics)|The Joker]] * [[w:Arleen Sorkin|Arleen Sorkin]] - [[w:Harley Quinn|Dr. Harleen Quinzel/Harley Quinn]] * [[Paul Williams (songwriter)|Paul Williams]] - [[w:Penguin (comics)|Oswald Cobblepot/The Penguin]] * [[Adrienne Barbeau]] - [[w:Catwoman|Selina Kyle/Catwoman]] * [[w:John Glover (actor)|John Glover]] - [[w:Riddler|Edward Nygma/The Riddler]] * [[w:Richard Moll|Richard Moll]] - [[w:Two-Face (comics)|Harvey Dent/Two-Face]] * [[w:George Dzundza|George Dzundza]] - [[w:The Ventriloquist (comics)|Arnold Wesker/The Ventriloquist/Scarface]] * [[w:Henry Silva|Henry Silva]] - [[w:Bane (comics)|Bane]] * [[w:Aron Kincaid|Aron Kincaid]] - [[w:Killer Croc|Killer Croc]] * [[w:Marc Singer|Marc Singer]] - [[w:Man-Bat|Dr. Kirk Langstrom/Man-Bat]] * [[w:Ron Perlman|Ron Perlman]] - [[w:Clayface|Matt Hagen/Clayface]] * [[w:Diane Pershing|Diane Pershing]] - [[w:Poison Ivy (comics)|Dr. Pamela Isley/Poison Ivy]] * [[w:Henry Polic II|Henry Polic II]] - [[w:Scarecrow (DC comics)|Dr. Jonathan Crane/The Scarecrow]] * [[w:Roddy McDowall|Roddy McDowall]] - [[w:Mad Hatter|Dr. Jervis Tetch/The Mad Hatter]] * [[w:Michael Ansara|Michael Ansara]] - [[w:Mr. Freeze|Dr. Victor Freeze/Mr. Freeze]] * [[David Warner (actor)|David Warner]] - [[w:Ra's al Ghul|Ra's al Ghul]] ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} {{Batman}} [[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated superhero TV shows]] [[Category:Animated Batman TV shows]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Animated television programs based on Detective Comics]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Fox Broadcasting Company animated television series]] [[Category:Television series by Warner Bros. Animation]] plph93aqaw7jxmbc9ra67k4u9tdvjcv 3778919 3778913 2025-07-14T22:41:55Z 81.151.41.137 /* Feat Of Clay Part 2 [1.21] */ 3778919 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Batman-_The_Animated_Series_logo.svg|thumb|I am [[vengeance]]. I am the [[night]]. I am, '''[[Batman|BATMAN]]'''!]] {{italic title}} '''''[[W:Batman: The Animated Series|Batman: The Animated Series]]''''' is an American animated superhero television series based on the [[DC Comics]] superhero Batman. It was succeeded by ''[[The Adventures of Batman & Robin]]'' and ''[[The New Batman Adventures]]''; the first production in the [[w:DC Animated Universe|DC Animated Universe]]. ==Season 1== ===''On Leather Wings'' [1.1]=== :'''Batman''': ''[reading the paper]'' "Gotham Police Declare War on Batman"? :'''Alfred''': I gather you've been reading ''[[w:How to Win Friends and Influence People|How to Make Friends and Influence People]]''? :'''Batman''': Somebody's setting me up. :'''Alfred''': My heavens. You mean it ''wasn't'' you tossing guards out of windows last night? :'''Batman''': ''[amused]'' I only toss butlers, Alfred. <hr width='50%'/> :'''[[w:Rene Auberjonois|Dr. March]]''': You donate a few million, and you think you own the place. I understand I'm to analyse something for you? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Yeah, doc. See, I keep hearing squeaks in my chimney, and I found these in my empty fireplace. They look like hairs. I thought maybe you could tell me if I have a bat problem. :'''Dr. March''': And what if they are bats, Mr. Wayne? What then? Destroy them like insects? We won't survive the next evolutionary cataclysm, but bats will! They're survivors, Mr. Wayne, not pests! You should understand that! <hr width='50%'/> :'''Dr. Kirk Langstrom''': ''[enters laboratory upon hearing noises]'' Who's back there? ''[spots Batman]'' You...! :'''Batman''': I'm looking for Dr. March. :'''Langstrom''' He's not here, Batman. :'''Batman''': Where is he? :'''Langstrom''': Giving a lecture on human extinction and bat evolution. He's really quite brilliant. :'''Batman''': He's misguided, and a thief. ''[holds up a vial of the serum]'' :'''Langstrom''': He's just a theorist, he was afraid to put it to the test. But I wasn't. I knew he'd discovered a formula to create a totally new species, neither man nor bat. And once I started taking it, I couldn't stop. I desperately wanted to, but... ''it'' took over. Francine and March tried to protect me, but it was too late. The beast knew what chemicals were needed to bring itself about! It was out of my control! And it only needs one more component to complete the process! ''[voice lowering]'' It's in ''ME'', Batman! ''[laughs maniacally and begins to change into Man-Bat]'' <hr width='50%'/> :'''Bullock''': Let's go! :'''Lieutenant''': I can’t do it, sir! :'''Bullock''': Whaddaya mean "you can’t do it"?! :'''Lieutenant''': I just got word not to let you up without the Commissioner! :'''Bullock''': Who told you that?! :'''Lieutenant''': The Commissioner! ''[points at Gordon as he arrives]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Get out, Detective! The Mayor may not let me fire you, but I am ''not'' taking the heat for your fiasco! :'''Bullock''': This is my case, Commissioner! You heard the Mayor! :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Then why don't you go take it up with him?! I've got a job to do! If you wanna tag along, fine! ''[gets into the helicopter]'' Take her up, Lieutenant! :'''Bullock''': ''[trying to clamber in as it takes off]'' Hey! Wait for me! ===''Christmas With The Joker'' [1.2]=== :''[the Arkham Asylum inmates practice signing Jingle Bells as other inmates set up a giant Christmas tree]'' :'''Joker''': Jingle bells! Batman smells! Robin laid an egg! ''[gets a tree-topper and climbs to install it]'' The Batmobile lost a wheel and the Jo-ker got a-wa-a-a-ay! ''[attaches the ornament and the Christmas Tree ignites, revealed as a rocket. Joker clambers at it launches]'' Crashing through the roof! In a one-horse-open tree! Busting out I go! Laughing all the WHEEEEE! ''[the "rocket-tree" flies off into the distance as he sings]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the Christmas with the Joker show]'' :'''Joker''': Rumor has it, Christmas is a time to share with family. :'''Laugh track''': Yea! :'''Joker''': And since I don't have one of my own... :'''Laugh track''': Aww... :'''Joker''': I decided to STEAL one! :'''Laugh track''': Yea! :'''Joker''': And here they are: The Awful Lawful Family! ''[lights turn on and reveal Gordon, Summer, and Bullock tied up and gagged]'' Aren't they just the cutest family you've ever seen? :'''Batman''': ''[watching in the Batmobile]'' It's never easy with the Joker. :'''Joker''': Meet Daddy Lawful! ''[ungags Gordon]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': YOU DISEASED MANIAC! I'LL- ''[Joker gags him again]'' :'''Joker''': Hmm. Looks like I'll have to teach Daddy some manners. And here's Mommy Lawful! ''[ungags Summer]'' :'''Summer Gleason''': HELP! SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP US- ''[Joker gags her again]'' :'''Joker''': Ho ho ho, isn't she jolly? And here we have little Baby Lawful! Coochie coochie coo! ''[ungags Bullock]'' :'''Detective Bullock''': WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, I'LL RIP YOUR- ''[Joker gags him again]'' :'''Joker''': I'll bet Batman wishes he had a family just like mine. Personally I think relatives are a bore, so Batman can have them... ''[points to clock showing 10:30PM] if'' he can find them by midnight! Otherwise... ''[makes a throat-slashing motion and laughs]'' ===''Nothing To Fear'' [1.3]=== :''[Bruce is introduced to Dr. Long and he offers a handshake]'' :'''Dr. Long''': ''[looks at hand and pouts off]'' Your father and I attended university together. He had big plans for you. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Well, I guess he'd be pleased. Wayne Industries is more prosperous than ever. :'''Dr. Long''': Pleased? When your father was alive, Wayne was a name that commanded great respect. Now all Wayne stands for is a self-centered jet-setting playboy. It's lucky your father didn't live to see what you've done to his good name. He'd have died of shame. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Scarecrow sprays a security guard with gas]'' :'''Guard''': Stop! What the-- No! No, spiders! Get them offa me! No! NO! ''[cowers in fear]'' :'''Anthony''': What did you do to him, boss? :'''[[w:Scarecrow (DC Comics)|Scarecrow]]''': I merely helped him visualize his innermost terror, which is obviously [[w:arachnophobia|arachnophobia]]. :'''Nigel''': A-whack-a-what? :'''Scarecrow''': Arachnophobia! Fear of spiders, you dimwitted dropout! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': It seems I have underestimated the Batman, but at least the University is finished. :'''Anthony''': Gee, boss, I never liked school, but, uh, how come you hate the university so much? :'''Scarecrow''': They tried to destroy me. :'''Nigel''': You mean they kicked you out 'cause you weren't smart enough? :'''Scarecrow''': No, you simpleton! ''[pinches Nigel's broken nose]'' :'''Nigel''': Ow! :'''Scarecrow''': I taught there. I was a professor of psychology, specializing in phobias. Inducing terror has always intrigued me. Even as a boy, I loved to frighten things. People, animals, it was all the same. I became obsessed with fear's crippling power. Later, when I became their leading Professor of Subliminal Psychology at the University, I began performing experiments on fear and its subsequent effects. Dr. Long thought I went too far - he called me a lunatic. So now, they will learn the true nature of horror! :'''Anthony''': ''[to Nigel]'' Wow, he's a real professor. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman has been exposed to Scarecrow's fear toxin]'' :'''Thomas Wayne''': Bruce... :'''Batman''': No... not now... :'''Thomas Wayne''': You are a disgrace! ''[turns into the [[w:Grim Reaper|Grim Reaper]]]'' :'''Batman''': No... You are NOT my father. I am NOT a disgrace! I am vengeance, I am the night. I...AM...'''BATMAN!''' ===''The Last Laugh'' [1.4]=== :'''Summer Gleeson''': I'm here in Downtown Gotham where corporate CEOs have gone stark, raving mad. It would appear that the collapse of the stock market is now imminent. The question is: Will [[April Fools' Day]] mark the end of Gotham City as we know it? :'''Joker''': The only things gaining now are the laughing stocks! ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[After trapping Batman in a sealed garbage can]'' :'''Joker''': I just love these new Ziploc seals! We wouldn't want our little caged rodent to suffocate, so we'll just ''[draws a knife]'' PUNCH SOME AIRHOLES! ''[laughing, he stabs holes in the can, with Batman being forced to dodge each one]'' Okay, Captain! Give 'er the old heave-ho! ''[Captain Clown salutes and throws the can into the river, where it starts to flood and sink]'' Oops! Looks like our airholes are waterholes too! ''[smirking at the viewer]'' What a shame! ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Justice is served hot, Batman! You're going to melt just like a grilled-cheese sandwich! :''[The Joker tries to send Batman falling into the furnace with a cascade of garbage, but Batman escapes and swings to safety on his grappling hook]'' :'''Batman''': Justice ''will'' be served, Joker. :'''Joker''': Service with a SMILE?! ''[tosses a razor card at Batman, who dodges it just in time]'' :'''Batman''': Clean up your act, Joker. :'''Joker''': Oh, that's a joke, right? Batman finally told a joke! ''[laughing, the Joker draws another card and flings it, but Batman catches it with a smirk. With a gasp of shock, the Joker tries to flee, but gets his food caught on a cable and he ends up dangling over the furnace]'' BATMAN! YOU WOULDN'T LET ME FRY, WOULD YOU?! ''[Batman leans on the railing, pretending to consider it] '''BATMAN!''' [Batman pulls him up]'' ===''Pretty Poison'' [1.5]=== :'''Dent''': So, what do you think? :'''Bruce''': Does she have a sister? :'''Dent''': Nope. Pam's one of a kind. That's why I asked her to marry me. :'''Bruce''': ''[spits out his water upon hearing this]'' WHAT?! :'''Dent''': Yup, that's the page one headline. Hey... is it starting to get warm? :'''Bruce''': You're still flushed from that last kiss. Harvey, you just met her last week! :'''Dent''': And I already know she's the one. Gosh, it's hot in here... :'''Bruce''': Marriage is a major step, Harvs. Don't you think you're rushing it? :'''Dent''': No way. The moment I laid eyes on Pam, her love hit me right in the face. ''[falls right into the food he ordered]'' :'''Bruce''': ''[laughs]'' Harvey, you've lost your mind. Knock it off. ''[sees him unresponsive]'' Harv? Harvey! ''[Later sees Harvey carried into an ambulance and climbs inside]'' Hang on, Harvey. Hang on. <hr width=50%"/> :'''Bullock''': So what'd you put in this mousse?! :'''Chef''': Chocolate, sugar, eggs, cream... :'''Bullock''': STRYCHNINE?! :'''Chef''': No, no, no strychnine. But I added just a pinch of vanilla. :'''Bullock''': ''[turns to a waiter, frustrated]'' You know who did it?! TALK! :'''Waiter''': Hey, I just clean the dishes, okay? <hr width=50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[chuckles]'' Batman! A late night rendezvous? To what do I owe the honor? :'''Batman''': ''[struggling against Ivy's giant flytrap]'' Harvey Dent! :'''Poison Ivy''': Oh, the poor district attorney. I hear he's not expected to live. Oh, it's so sad... ''[feigns crying, which quickly turns to insane laughter]'' :'''Batman''': Why, Isley? :'''Poison Ivy''': Oh, please, call me Poison Ivy. You see, Harvey had to pay for his crime. :'''Batman''': What crime? :'''Poison Ivy''': Why, murder, of course! Plowing up a field of beautiful wildflowers for that silly penitentiary of his. This little rose would be extinct today if I hadn't saved my precious from those horrible bulldozers! The blood of those flowers are on his hands! ''[calms down after her tantrum]'' So his fate was sealed ''[applies lipstick]'' ...with a kiss. And now, so is yours. ''[Ivy's plant holds Batman still as she kisses him; he tries to spit away the poison]'' Oh, what's wrong? Afraid I have cooties? ''[laughs]'' Oh, now you've gone and hurt my feelings. Too bad. I was going to share the antidote with you. ''[opens a bottle and waves it under his nose]'' Lovely fragrance, don't you think? ''[applies a drop to her face]'' I call it "Rose From the Dead". <hr width=50%"/> :''[In a cell in Arkham]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': They can bury me in the ground, as deep as they like. But I'll grow back. ''[to her rose]'' We ''always'' grow back. Don't we, baby? ===''The Underdwellers'' [1.6]=== :'''Sewer King''': Lesson number one is: NOOOOO TAAAALKING! Children are to be seen and not heard. We are the Underdwellers. We are the silent ones. We follow the invisible creed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sewer King''': Frog! The rolls, if you please. :''[Another boy nervously steps over with them; the Sewer King grabs his wrist angrily]'' :'''Sewer King''': You're not Frog! Where is he?! He's not here! ''[smacks the bowl of rolls away]'' NOT HERE! And after all I've done for you ungrateful little monsters! I took you in when nobody else would have you! It is I who care for you! I who provide for you! And only I WHO KNOWS WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU! Would you rather I sent you back into the light? Back to those who hurt you, and sent you away? :''[The children tearfully shake their heads; the Sewer King pushes the dinner table over with a loud crash]'' :'''Sewer King''': THERE WILL BE NOTHING TO EAT UNTIL FROG IS FOUND! NOW OUT WITH YOU! ''OUT WITH YOU!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I don't know what kind of barbarian did this to you, but it's over. And from now on, you'll be treated like human beings. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sewer King''': ''[clapping]'' Bravo. Bravo. You've caused me great distress, you evil bat, yes, yes, yes, you have! You've hurt my pretty pets, and you've frightened my beloved children! :'''Batman''': ''[incredulous and disgusted]'' "Beloved children"?! :'''Sewer King''': Yes! I feed them, I clothe them, I discipline them, and I teach them a trade! And now, I will teach ''you'' something! :''[He stamps on Batman's hands, but Batman swings under the pipe and kicks him from behind, causing him to fall off]'' :'''Batman''': Grab my hand! :'''Sewer King''': ''NEVER!'' :''[He falls into the water, where the alligators close in and seemingly devour him]'' :'''Batman''': A gruesome fate for a gruesome man. :''[He hears the Sewer King laughing, and sees him with the alligators, unharmed]'' :'''Sewer King''': I rather enjoyed it! I told you, they're my pretties! ''[pets one, laughing]'' Have a nice swim! :''[Batman swings over to chase him, narrowly missing the alligators' jaws]'' :'''Batman''': Later. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman pulls the Sewer King out of the way of an oncoming train]'' :'''Sewer King''': Why? Why?! ''Why?!'' :'''Batman''': ''[seething with anger]'' I don't pass sentence. That's for the courts. But this time - ''this time'' - I am ''sorely tempted'' to do the job myself! ===''P.O.V.'' [1.7]=== :''[after Batman grapples up a crane with Officer Montoya to safety]'' :'''Batman''': Are you alright? :''[Machine gun bullets hit around Batman and Officer Montoya, causing both of them to duck]'' :'''Officer Montoya''': Dandy. :'''Batman''': Then don't go away. :'''Officer Montoya''': ''[Batman leaves as more machine gun bullets hit. Montoya stays down]'' Count on it. <hr width="50%"/> :''[after Commissioner Gordon congratulates Officer Montoya for foiling the dock heist with Batman's aid]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': I have to hand it to you, Montoya. You and the Batman really turned this thing around. :'''Patrolman Wilkes''': Yeah, what a [[wikt:collar|collar]]! You didn't just bust 'em, you put the whole gang out of commission. ''[Lieutenant Hackle appears to accuse Montoya]'' :'''Lieutenant Hackle''': What collar? She's suspended! ''[Gordon angrily grabs Heckle]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': This [[wikt:farce|farce]] has gone far enough, Hackle! We apprehended the suspects and recovered our money. The investigation is closed! ''[He grabs three confiscated police badges out of Hackle's suit pocket and shoves him aside. He hands the badges to Officer Montoya]'' Officer Montoya earned this collar. :'''Officer Montoya''': The collar belongs to all three of us, Commissioner. It was a team effort. ''[Montoya accepts hers and hands Wilkes back his badge]'' :'''Patrolman Wilkes''': Gee... thanks, partner! :'''Detective Bullock''': ''[grumbling under his breath]'' Yeah, yeah... :'''Officer Montoya''': What was that, Bullock? ''[happily gives badge to Bullock]'' :'''Detective Bullock''': ''[reluctantly hesitates, accepts his badge]'' I said... Thanks a lot, Montoya. ===''The Forgotten'' [1.8]=== :'''Bruce''': What is this? :'''Smith''': If it's moving, it's a rat. If it isn't, it's a cooked rat. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': ''[Alfred flies the Batwing to the tracking device's location]'' This must be the place! Bring us down! :'''Batwing Computer''': Negative. :'''Alfred''': ''[pressing buttons madly]'' But Master Bruce is down there! We HAVE to land! :'''Computer''': Impossible. Area too confined. :'''Alfred''': ''[pounds the console]'' Land, you bucket of bolts! :'''Computer''': Your funeral. :'''Alfred''': Oh, dear...! ''[The Batwing flies down abruptly. Bruce, escaping the mine, sees the Batwing fly over]'' :'''Bruce''': ''[Smiles]'' Son of a gun! :''[The Batwing reaches a flat area near Bruce and lands. The cockpit opens.]'' :'''Computer''': Watch your step. :'''Alfred''': ''[tumbles out, dazed]'' [[w:Juan Rodriguez Cabrillo|I-I-I claim this land... for Spain]]. ''[collapses]'' ===''Be A Clown'' [1.9]=== :'''Jordan''': How can I get to be a great magician like you, Jekko? :'''"Jekko"''': Well, there are three steps! Step one: run away. Step two: find a magician with a great act. And step three: ''steal it.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Summer Gleason''': ''[reporting on TV]'' Denying reports of a bomb blast at his son's birthday party, Mayor Hill insists the explosion was caused by faulty electrical wiring. :'''"Jekko"''': Yeah! RIGHT! ''[laughs]'' :'''Summer Gleason''': The Mayor declined, however, to confirm that his son Jordan was missing. :'''"Jekko"''': Missing? :'''Jordan''': ''[coming into view]'' It's me, Jekko. I ran away. :'''"Jekko"''': You did '''WHAT?!?''' :'''Jordan''': I want to be a magician, like you. :'''"Jekko"''': Why, you... ''[laughs]'' Well, kid, you got step one right! Come on in. I've been thinking about a protégé. <hr width="50%"/> :'''"Jekko"''': ''[sees Batman approaching on a monitor]'' Well, if it ain't the Caped Coconut... :'''Jordan''': My dad says Batman's no good. :'''"Jekko"''': Well, then I guess your dad's not a ''total'' idiot! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman is trapped inside a tank filled with water, complete with a straitjacket and leg restraints]'' :'''"Jekko"''': For your viewing pleasure, we present... the infamous water tank trap! The great [[w:Harry Houdini|Houdini]] survived such a test. Dare we demand less of the Batman?! :'''Jordan''': I don't like this, Jekko... :'''"Jekko"''': Quiet, kid, it's a free ticket. :''[Batman manages to free the sleeves of the jacket]'' :'''Jordan''': ''[clapping]'' He did it! He got free! :'''"Jekko"''': They don't make straitjackets like they used to. ''[grinning]'' I should know... :''[Batman wriggles out of the jacket and undoes the leg restraints, but struggles to break the glass]'' :'''Jordan''': He can't get out! What's the trick? :'''"Jekko"''': That's just it! THERE IS NO TRICK! :'''Jordan''': No! He'll drown! :''[Jordan grabs an axe and strikes the side of the tank to try and free Batman, but "Jekko" takes the axe away]'' :'''"Jekko"/Joker''': That's why they call it the FINALE! ''[throws down the axe and discards his "Jekko the Clown" mask]'' Now sit down and enjoy the show! ===''Two-Face Part 1'' [1.10]=== :'''[[w:John Vernon|Rupert Thorne]]''': All men have something to hide. The brighter the picture, the darker the negative. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Dent's raid on Thorne has been aborted by the judge due to supposed lack of reliable evidence]'' :'''Dent''': No! NO! '''I SPENT ''THREE MONTHS'' ON THAT RAID!''' He can't overturn! The fool! HE'S ''BEEN BOUGHT! LIKE ALL THE REST!'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[tries to restrain him]'' Harvey, please try to calm down. This sort of behavior doesn't run well with the voters- :'''Dent''': ''LET GO OF ME, YOU RICH TWIT!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dent''': Stealing someone's psychiatric file is pretty low, Thorne! Even for a swine like you! :'''Rupert Thorne''': But it makes for such fascinating reading. Listen to this, boys. Says here that when Harvey was a little boy, he was bothered by a bully. Every day the bully would bug him after school, until one day little Harvey got so mad, he slugged him one. :'''Thorne's Thugs''': Oooh! :'''Rupert Thorne''': Of course, the bully ran away, which made little Harvey very proud. Until he heard that the bully was in the hospital. :'''Candace''': That was some punch. :'''Rupert Thorne''': ''[chuckles]'' That's what Harvey thought. Except the guy was in the hospital for appendicitis! ''[chuckles again]'' But poor Harvey felt so guilty, he never showed his anger again. And that was the start of "Big Bad Harv". :'''Dent''': What do you want? :'''Rupert Thorne''': Just a few favors from the D.A.'s office. :'''Dent''': You're dreaming. :'''Rupert Thorne''': Otherwise, as a concerned citizen, I'd be compelled to give this to the press. After all, the people of Gotham have a right to know the kind of person... or should I say "persons", they've elected. So, what do you say, Harvey? Do we have a deal? :''[Harvey's face has contorted in building rage the entire time, but suddenly relaxes into deceptive docility]'' :'''Dent''': There's just one problem. :'''Rupert Thorne''': What's that? :'''Dent''': ''[in Big Bad Harv's voice]'' '''''You're talking to the wrong Harvey.''''' ===''Two-Face Part 2'' [1.11]=== :''[In a nightmare, Harvey is being chased by a dark shadow. He suddenly realizes he is standing on a collapsing wooden bridge]'' :'''Harvey Dent''': Stay back! ''[the shadow reveals itself to be Batman, pleading for Harvey's help]'' :'''Batman''': Harvey, please, let me help you! :'''Harvey Dent''': You?! You saw what was happening! You knew that something was terribly wrong with me! I thought you were my friend! You should have been able to help me--but you didn't! ''[Harvey covers his face with his two hands, now transformed into Two-Face]'' :'''Two-Face''': ''NOW LOOK AT ME!!'' :'''Batman''': But I tried, Harvey. I... ''[the bridge pulls itself apart, causing Two-Face to fall off]'' Harvey! :'''Two-Face''': ''[Plummets into an abyss of glowing red light] WHY COULDN'T YOU SAVE ME...?!!'' :''[Batman looks down the edge and gasps with horrified shock. He instead sees his late parents Thomas and Martha Wayne underneath a single lamppost. They both raise their heads in sadness]'' :'''Thomas Wayne''': Why couldn't you save us, son? :''[Bruce wakes up, sweating with fear. He then turns to a photo of Two-Face from a newspaper]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': So what are you dreaming tonight, Harvey? Peaceful dreams? Nightmares? Maybe both at once. Sleep well, my friend. Whether you are, whatever you've become... I ''will'' save you. I swear. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Two-Face''': This is my world now. A dichotomy of order and chaos - just like me. :'''Grace''': Harvey, what's happened to your mind, your feelings? You used to listen to your feelings. :'''Two-Face''': ''[flipping his coin]'' This is what I listen to now. ''Chance,'' Grace. Chance is everything. Whether you're born or not, whether you live or die, whether you're good or bad... it's all arbitrary. :'''Grace''': That's nonsense, Harvey. Was it chance that made you District Attorney? Was it chance that made you fall in love with me? Take control of your life, Harvey. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Two-Face grabs a tommy gun and aims at a defenceless Thorne]'' :'''Rupert Thorne''': No! Two-Face, don't! ''[to Batman]'' You can't let him! :'''Grace''': Harvey! What are you doing?! :'''Two-Face''': Taking control of my life. :'''Batman''': Let the law handle it. :'''Two-Face''': "The law"?! ''[takes out his coin]'' Here's the only law! The law of averages! The great equalizer! :''[Two-Face flips the coin, but Batman throws out a crate of other coins, and Two-Face's is lost among them as they spill out]'' :'''Two-Face''': ''[horrified and panicked]'' NO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! ''[searches through them frantically]'' My coin! Where is it?! I can't decide without...! Oh no, it's ''gotta'' be here, it's ''gotta! [shrieks with anguish]'' '''''I HAVE TO HAVE IT!!!''''' :''[He continues to scream, swiping the coins aside before collapsing in tears; Grace gently comforts him]'' :'''Grace''': It's all right now, Harvey. I'm here. ===''It's Never Too Late'' [1.12]=== :'''Father Michael Stromwell''': Arnold? That's one soul I wish I could give up on. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arnold Stromwell''': I don't need your help! :'''Michael Stromwell''': Is that a fact? An empire crumbling? A marriage shattered? A son lost? Sure, you're doing fine. ===''I've Got Batman In My Basement'' [1.13]=== :''[after Penguin's goons successfully steal a [[w:Fabergé egg|Fabergé egg]] on a tall building]'' :'''Goon 1''': ''[chuckles]'' A piece of cake, just like the boss said. :'''Goon 2''': Yeah, all it took was five minutes. ''[Batman makes his surprise appearance to the goons]'' :'''Batman''': And that'll get you five ''years''... ''[pause]'' with good behavior. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Be-fowled by a couple of fledgelings! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Grant''': Sherman, what are you doing down there? :'''Sherman''': Nothing, Mom! :'''Mrs. Grant''': You're not trying to make gunpowder again, are you? :'''Sherman''': No, Mom! Honest! :'''Roberta''': We just saved Batman's life, Mrs. Grant, and now we're hiding him from some bad criminals. :'''Mrs. Grant''': That's good, just don't make a mess. ''[leaves]'' :'''Sherman''': Nice going, Miss Big Mouth. :'''Roberta''': ''[shrugging]'' Sorry, Sherman, I guess I panicked. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Gentlemen - and I use the term loosely - after you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Eurgh, how bourgeois. Tearing this place apart could only improve it! Let the egg hunt begin! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Grant''': Young man, you've got some serious explaining to do! ''[sees Batman and the defeated Penguin and gasps]'' :'''Sherman''': Err, Mom, I'd like you to meet Batman. Batman, this is my mom. :'''Batman''': Ma'am. :'''Mrs. Grant''': Oh, hello... :'''Sherman''': Say, Batman, you wouldn't be single, would you? ===''[[w:Heart of Ice (Batman: The Animated Series)|Heart of Ice]]'' [1.14]=== :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[gazes at the ballerina snow globe]'' This is how I'll always remember you. Surrounded by [[winter]] forever young, forever beautiful. Rest well, my love. The monster who took you from me will soon learn that [[revenge]] is a dish... ''[opens his eyes through his red goggles]'' best served '''cold'''. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman infiltrates an office in GothCorp headquarters and sees a classified file with a videotape and medical records of a woman named Nora Fries. He plays the tape on a nearby VCR]'' :'''Victor Fries''': ''[on the tape]'' My name is Doctor Victor Fries. I am recording what I pray would be mankind's first step toward immortality. ''[camera pans to a large machine with a glass capsule and a woman inside it]'' Behind me, you see the CC-100, a cryogenic freezing chamber of my own design. I created it for the express purpose of freezing subjects stricken with inoperable ailments. Subjects like... my own beloved wife, Nora. Once a remedy has been found-- ''[reacts to a loud banging on the door]'' :'''Ferris Boyle''': ''[Behind the door]'' Open this door! Open it now! ''[A security guard kicks the door down, Ferris and another guard step into the room. Boyle confronts Fries angrily.]'' Get away from that equipment! ''[Orders his guards]'' Shut this stuff down. :'''Fries''': ''[Panicked]'' Stop! This is my experiment! :'''Boyle''': Your ''unauthorized'' experiment. I ordered funding suspended weeks ago! I'm already three million in debt thanks to you! :'''Fries''': You can't stop it now! My wife is in there! :'''Boyle''': So bring her out! :'''Fries''': You can't interrupt the process now! :'''Boyle''': ''[unmoved; to guard]'' Open it. :'''Fries''': ''[desperately holds on to Boyle]'' It's her only chance! :'''Boyle''': ''[shrugs off Fries]'' This is MY equipment! ''MINE!'' I have every legal right to use it or not use it as I see fit. I say this project ends ''now!'' :'''Fries''': ''[grabs pistol from security guard and aims it at Ferris]'' '''NO!''' Stay away from her, murderer! :'''Boyle''': ''[tries to act charming to Fries]'' Victor... I'm sorry... I lost my temper. It doesn't have to come to this. We can talk! ''[Fries calms down and Boyle kicks him into a table of cryonic chemicals. Victor screams in pain as the cloud of volatile chemicals engulf him. Boyle steps away in fear and runs out of the room with his guards]'' Get out. Get out! :'''Fries''': ''[Clinging to his freezing chamber, screaming through the glass] Nora! NORA...! [passes out. The tape ends]'' :'''Batman''': ''[Horrified]'' My God! :''[A voice rings out--it's Mr. Freeze, who just snuck in the room]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': Yes. It would move me to tears, if I still had tears to shed. ''[freezes Batman with his cryo-gun]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mr. Freeze raids the award ceremony and confronts Ferris Boyle, who is receiving a humanitarian award]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': The cold eyes of vengeance are upon you, Boyle. :'''Ferris Boyle''': Who...who ''are'' you?! :'''Mr. Freeze''': Come, now. Surely you remember your old colleague... Victor Fries? :''[Mr. Freeze aims and fires his freezing gun at Boyle's feet, ice slowly covering up his legs to his waist]'' :'''Boyle''': ''[cries in pain]'' NO! No...! Stop... please... I... b-beg you! ''[Mr. Freeze stops his freezing gun for a moment of clarity]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': You... ''beg?'' In my nightmares I see my Nora behind the glass, begging to me with frozen eyes. How I've longed to see that look frozen on you. :''[Batman batarangs Mr Freeze's cryo-gun and attacks him. Mr Freeze overpowers Batman and throws him off]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': The advanced circuitry that powers my suit also triples my strength! ''[engages Batman, and lifts him off the ground]'' Sooner or later, all who stand in my way must feel the icy touch of death! :''[Mr. Freeze is about to kill Batman, but collapses when Batman smashes his glass helmet with a thermos full of chicken soup given to him by Alfred earlier]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': ''[walks next to Batman]'' Ooh...! What was that stuff? :'''Batman''': The only way to fight a cold. :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[as his suit falters]'' It can't end this way... vengeance...! :'''Batman''': No, ''justice''. A year ago, Ferris Boyle interrupted an experiment, and in the process destroyed two lives. ''[gives Summer Gleeson the tape he found]'' Here's the evidence. ''[walks to a still shivering Boyle; he sneers at Boyle with disgust]'' Good night, humanitarian! ''[walks off]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mr. Freeze is in his subzero cell in Arkham Asylum, gazing into his ballerina snow globe]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': I failed you. I wish there were another way for me to say it... but I cannot. ''[Tears silently slide down his face]'' I can only beg your [[forgiveness]] and pray you hear me somehow, someplace. Someplace... where a warm hand waits for mine. ===''The Cat And The Claw Part 1'' [1.15]=== :'''Stern''': Now if you'll excuse me, I've given you all the time I can spare. :'''Selina Kyle''': You'll find more time for me, Mr. Stern. Before I'm through, I'll have every environmental group and animal rights activist breathing down your neck. They'll be looking at you and your project so closely, you'll feel like a bug in a bell-jar. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You're late. :'''Mob Boss''': Can't you walk up to someone normal-like? :'''Batman''': I hear you have some information. :'''Mob Boss''': Under one condition: Lay off the South Side. :'''Batman''': Keep this up, and I'll be on you from ''all'' sides. North, south, east, and west. ===''The Cat And The Claw Part 2'' [1.16]=== :'''Batman''': Red Claw? A woman? :'''[[W:Red_Claw|Red Claw]]''': Do you have a problem with that, Batman? :'''Batman''': Not at all. I'm an equal opportunity crime fighter! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I didn't want you taken away like a common criminal. :'''Catwoman''': So you ''do'' care. :'''Batman''': ''[handcuffing her]'' More than you'll ever know. ===''See No Evil'' [1.17]=== :'''Lloyd Ventrix''': See you 'round, Batman! Too bad you can't say the same! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Ventrix, the suit! It's poison! :'''Ventrix''': So what if it is?! I don't care! As long as I have it, I can take my daughter back whenever I want! Her mother won't stop me, AND NEITHER WILL YOU! ===''Beware The Gray Ghost'' [1.18]=== :''[At a video shop, Bruce Wayne asks for Gray Ghost films]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': I'd like the ''Gray Ghost''. :'''Store Clerk''': ''[smirks and walks away]'' Hmm. Name something else. :'''Wayne''': You said you had everything. :'''Store Clerk''': Except the ''Gray Ghost''! Nobody has it! The studio that made the show, Spectra? It burned down 20 years ago. The negatives all went up like kindling, real shame. :'''Wayne''': So the ''Gray Ghost'' doesn't exist? :'''Clerk''': Not anymore. Sorry, pal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Simon Trent''': ''[Hands Batman a film reel with the key the mystery]'' Here's your answer, take it and go! :'''Batman''': I used to admire what the Gray Ghost stood for... :'''Simon Trent''': I'm not the Gray Ghost! :'''Batman''': ''[coldly]'' I can see that now. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the launch of the Gray Ghost videos]'' :'''Bruce''': Could you make this out to 'Bruce'? :'''Gray Ghost''': ''[signing autograph]'' Here you are, Bruce. :'''Bruce''': Thanks. As a kid, I used to watch you with my father. The Gray Ghost was my hero. :'''Gray Ghost''': ''[realizing]'' Really... :'''Bruce''': ''[smiling]'' And he still is. ===''Prophecy Of Doom'' [1.19]=== :'''Nostromos''': I predict... you and I are about to become rich as pigs! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lucas''': No one could've predicted Batman would spot me. Not even the great Nostromos. Besides, how do you know Wayne survived? :'''Nostromos''': The news said he got off the elevator right before it fell, you pathetic amateur! :'''Lucas''': Well, you didn't predict he would ''die'', exactly... ===''Feat Of Clay Part 1'' [1.20]=== :''[About Matt Hagen's repeated use of "Renuyu" to restore his disfigured face]'' :'''Teddy Lupus''': You can't go on like this, Matt. You hurt all the time now. :'''[[w:Clayface|Matt Hagen]]''': ''[irritated]'' You're just my stand-in, Lupus. Nobody promoted you to nursemaid! :'''Lupus''': That stuff makes your face like putty, Matt; it can't be good for ya. :'''Hagen''': It probably ain't good for me. But unless I only want to do ''horror'' pictures, it ain't bad for me either. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Listen up, scumwad, 'cause I'm only gonna ask you once. Who was Lucius Fox meeting at the tram? :'''Raymond Bell''': Wayne... Bruce Wayne! :'''Batman''': You lying sleaze! You wanna rethink that answer? ===''Feat Of Clay Part 2'' [1.21]=== :'''Clayface''': ''[testing his new shapeshifting powers]'' The formula must have soaked every cell in my body. :'''Teddy Lupus''': It's.... It's some kind of miracle! ''[sees Matt change back into Clayface]'' Wha... What are you doing? :'''Clayface''': No. No! You broke my concentration! It won't work, don't you see?! It's too hard! It's like tensing a muscle - I can't keep it up for long! MY CAREER, MY ''LIFE'' - IT ''IS'' GONE! AND I CAN NEVER GET IT BACK! ''[In his rage, Clayface destroys several things in the trailer]'' I'm not an actor anymore! I'm not even... a ''man''! ''[Sobs softly]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Clayface''': Not even the Batman could stop me, Teddy. And that means ''Daggett'' won't have a prayer. :'''Teddy''': Matt, please, you don't wanna do anything crazy. Why don't you try to get some shuteye? :'''Clayface''': ''[growls]'' DON'T YOU DARE PATRONIZE ME!!! I told you I don't need rest! I don't need food! AND I DON'T NEED YOU!!!! ''[grabs Teddy and throws him to a bookcase then walks out the door]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Roland Daggett is at a talk show talking about Renuyu facial cream and the host entertains audience questions]'' :'''Woman''': I'd like to ask Mr. Daggett about the rumors I've heard. I hear he's selling Renuyu through direct marketing because stores won't carry it due to its harmful side effects. :'''[[w:Roland Daggett|Roland Daggett]]''': Well that's, uh, absolutely untrue- :'''Woman''': ''[stands up and approaches him]'' What about the addictive properties of Renuyu, Mr. Daggett? Once you're hooked, you can't stop using it without horrible...''pain''! :'''Daggett''': No! I mean... That's just not so! :'''Woman''': Why don't you show them what an ''overdose'' can do, Daggett?! Why don't you tell them ''[voices goes deeper]'' about ME?! ''[transforms into Clayface]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Batman tricks Clayface into confronting him in a recording room, where he turns multiple screens showing headshots of Clayface's past roles]'' :'''Clayface''': What are you doing?! Stop it! :'''Batman''': Look at them, Hagan. Look at what you used to be. :'''Clayface''': No, no! Turn them off...! :'''Batman''': You can play those roles again, Hagan. Let me help you find a cure. :'''Clayface''': ''[begins to shapeshift into his past roles]'' No! Hagan's gone! Make him stop haunting me! ''[begins to uncontrollably shapeshift into his past roles]'' Stop it! Turn them off! I can't control it! I can't be all of them! Not all at once! :''[Batman tries to turn on some more screens, but Clayface knocks him out of the way and smashes the control panels; Clayface yanks off one of the screens and throws it at Batman, who dodges; the screen hits the big screen, causing an explosion; the police arrive to see Clayface in his shapeshifting seizure as he shifts his face into Bruce Wayne]'' :'''Officer''': Mother of mercy! It looks just like Bruce Wayne! :''[Clayface punches through two screens, electrocuting him and reverting back into his true form and he topples over; Batman walks up to Clayface]'' :'''Clayface''': ''[morphs into Matt Hagan]'' You know what I'd have given for a death scene like this? ''[morphs into his scarred form]'' Too bad I won't get to... read the notices. ''[faints and reverts back to his true form.]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Lucius Fox''': I'm just glad to know it wasn't really Bruce Wayne who attacked me. :'''Summer Gleeson''': Thank you, Mr. Fox. All charges against Wayne have, of course, been dropped. And Roland Daggett remains in custody. :''[as Alfred turns off the TV, Batman is experimenting with a piece of Clayface's clay]'' :'''Alfred''': My word, sir. I should think after all this, it would time to rest. :'''Batman''': Look. A piece of clay left behind when they took Hagan's body away. Watch. ''[zaps the clay with electricity, causing it to morph into multiple shapes]'' :'''Alfred''': Electricity has no effect on it? :'''Batman''': Exactly. ''[scene changes to a morgue where a doctor uncovers Clayface's body; voice-over]'' I wouldn't be surprised if the body they took to the morgue was only a shell ''[Clayface's body cracks and crumbles into little pieces]'' Don't forget, first and foremost, Hagan was an actor. ''[scene changes to Teddy outside the hospital]'' He said it himself, Alfred. He called it a scene. Maybe the greatest scene in his career. :'''Teddy''': ''[sadly]'' See you 'round, Matt. ''[walks away]'' :'''Batman''': A death scene so real... it fooled us all. :''[A woman laughs maniacally as her voice grows deeper and her eyes turn yellow, revealing her to be a disguised Clayface]'' ===''Joker's Favor'' [1.22]=== :'''[[w:Joker (comics)|Joker]]''': ''[tosses two pennies on the ground]'' There's your two cents. Now, what are you going to do to me? :'''Charlie''': Listen.... I... O'm sorry, really! I.... I had a bad day. Boss turned down my raise, and... :'''Joker''': Now look, my rude friend! We can't have people cursing at each other on the freeway. It's simply ''not polite''! ''[jumps down and grabs him]'' I'm just going to have to teach you some manners. ''[reaches into his coat]'' :'''Charlie''': Please don't! I have a family, a wife, a little boy! Please! I'll do anything to make it up! Anything! :'''Joker''': Anything, says you? ''[Charlie nods; Joker releases him]'' Okee-dokee! Wallet. :'''Charlie''': Uh, okay. I don't have much cash. :'''Joker''': Oh, please! Don't insult me! ''[takes out driver's license]'' Charles Michael Collins. That's you! Tsk tsk, lousy picture, though. Lousy! Address, height, weight, blah blah blah. ''[tosses the wallet back and keeps the license]'' Righty-o, Chuckers! Here's the deal. I'll let you off if you promise to do a little favor for me. :'''Charlie''': Okay. What? :'''Joker''': ''I DON'T KNOW! I HAVEN'T THOUGHT OF IT YET!'' You just toddle on back to your mundane, meaningless little life, and when I need you, I'll call. Fair? Good? Great! I'll be in touch. ''[walks away, laughing maniacally]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Charlie''': Hello? :'''Joker''': Hello, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': Wrong number, pal. My name is Don. :'''Joker''': Oh, no, no, no. This IS the right number, Charles Michael Collins. Oh, I don't know why you changed your name to Don Wallace and moved your family to 12 Marigold Lane, Springdale, Ohio. One might think you were trying to skip out on our little deal. ''[to Harley Quinn]'' Leave the sideburns. :'''Charlie''': Uh... how did you find me? :'''Joker''': Oh, I never lost you, Chaz. You've become my... HOBBY!! ''[laughs maniacally]'' Now, listen up, Charlie Brown. You're booked on the next flight to Gotham. Tell the family you have to visit a sick friend. Oh, and let's keep this to ourselves, 'kay? Bad things happen to people who gossip, capisce, Carlo? ''[Charlie looks out the window to see Joker's henchmen pull up to his house]'' :'''Charlie''': Yeah... :'''Joker''': Good! See ya! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': You miserable little ''nobody!'' If I get caught, your wife and son are history! :'''Charlie''': You're not getting caught. Not this time. I found this blown out of the van. :''[He pulls one of the Joker's bombs from his jacket, and the Joker looks shocked and afraid]'' :'''Charlie''': This is how it ends, Joker. No big schemes, no grand fight to the finish with the Dark Knight. Tomorrow, all the papers will say is that the great Joker was found blown to bits in an alley, alongside a "miserable little nobody"! ''[chuckles]'' Kinda funny. Ironic, really. See? I can destroy a man's dreams too! And that's really the only dream you've got, isn't it?! :'''Joker''': ''[still scared]'' Look, Charlie, you've had a busy day! All this running around, all this excitement with... ''[yelling out desperately]'' '''''BATMAN!''''' Stop! You... you're crazy! :'''Charlie''': I had a good teacher! ''[chuckles]'' Say goodnight, Gracie! :'''Joker''': ''[terrified, trying to crawl away]'' NO! '''BATMAN! ''BATMAN!''''' ''[sees Batman in the shadows, and gasps with relief and annoyance]'' How long have you been there?! :'''Batman''': Long enough. Put it down, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': You know he'll just escape again! This is the only way my family stays safe! :'''Joker''': All right, you win! Take it easy! ''[surrenders his notebook to Batman]'' Here's everything on his blasted family - names, addresses, it's all there! You're no fun anymore, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': Hey, Joker! ''[throws the bomb at the Joker, who cowers behind Batman - only for the "bomb" to release harmless confetti]'' Gotcha! :''[Batman lets out a short laugh]'' :'''Joker''': ''[dryly]'' Oh, very funny. A million laughs. :'''Batman''': Go home, Mr. Collins. :'''Charlie''': Home. I never thought that could sound so good. I wonder what Bonnie's making for dinner. Right now, anything would taste great. Even meatloaf. ===''Vendetta'' [1.23]=== :'''Batman''': Here's how it works, slimeball. I have questions, and if you have answers, I'll leave you alone. :'''Rupert Thorne''': Oh, I have plenty of answers... thirty-eight caliber answers. Now then, you were saying? :'''Batman''': ''[Using Thorne as a shield]'' I was saying, you'd better hope your men are ''very'' good shots. It's too hot in here. Let's get some air. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Killer Croc''': Terrific. Just what I need now. The freak job in the cape. :'''Batman''': You're no prize yourself. :'''Killer Croc''': ''[strangling Batman]'' What can I tell you now? Being a reptile man ain't pretty... but it's got its upside. Like having the strength of a crocodile, for instance! But I guess you've learned that by now, huh? ''[forcing Batman into the water]'' The hard way. You know, they used to call "Killer Croc" the meanest dude in the Wrestling Federation. Now they'll call him the guy who iced the Batman! :'''Batman''': ''[flip-kicks Killer Croc really hard and gets out of the water]'' Don't hold your breath. ===''Fear Of Victory'' [1.24]=== :'''Mr. Lucky''': Lost? You have that bewildered look, but your sort always does. :'''Thug''': ''[grabs him threateningly]'' I ain't lost. I'm lookin' for you! I wanna know how come you always win, Mr. Lucky. :'''Mr. Lucky''': It's quite simple, actually. I fix the games. :'''Thug''': You can't fix ''all'' those sports. Nobody can! :'''Mr. Lucky''': Oh, ye of little brain, allow me to illustrate. ''[hands the thug an envelope laced in fear toxin]'' Here. You can read, can't you? :'''Thug''': ''[reads it]'' "Boo!" Hey, is this some kinda joke? :'''Mr. Lucky''': It's no joke, I assure you. It's the fear of victory, and the agony of... ''[the thug pulls Mr. Lucky out of the shadows, revealing his true identity]'' '''the Scarecrow!''' :''[The thug gasps in fear, now a victim of his toxin]'' :'''Scarecrow''': So now you understand Step One in how I fix an athletic contest. ''[Scarecrow comes closer to the thug, causing him to fall into some stacks of hay]'' I shall proceed to Step Two! ''[chuckles evilly]'' :'''Thug''': No! NO! GET AWAY! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': There's enough powder in that helmet to panic a pachyderm! He should be postering himself, crying for mercy! :'''Batman''': Change of luck, Scarecrow? :'''Scarecrow''': YOU! :'''Batman''': You're aware that gambling is illegal in Gotham? :'''Scarecrow''': I need the money, Batman! You know the cost of chemicals these days. And it will take much more than this to bring every pathetic person in Gotham to their knees, kissing my feet! ''[reveals a vial of his fear chemical and dangles it above the crowd]'' No closer, Batman! Unless you want a stampede of half-crazed humanity crushing and clawing each other! Now... what guarantee do I have you won't follow me? :'''Batman''': You have my word, Scarecrow. Just don't drop the vial. :'''Scarecrow''': Actually, Batman, I'd prefer a little insurance that you'll be otherwise occupied! ''[drops it]'' ===''The Clock King'' [1.25]=== :'''Fugate''': (after judgment has been passed) No! You can't! I'll be ruined! :'''Judge''': Then perhaps this will teach you to be on time for a change. :'''Batman''': What kind of a saboteur uses a six-thousand dollar Metronex to set a time bomb? :'''Alfred''': A saboteur with too much money? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman:''' Hold it! :'''Fugate:''' Well, well. The Batman. It's about time you showed up! I suppose you want to know why I've brought Downtown Gotham to a standstill, Batman. Hm? Well, let's just say it's because I'm a civic minded citizen with a lot of time on his hands. :'''Batman''': I want some answers, wise guy. Talk! :'''Fugate''': A pity. I don't know what to tell you, Batman - except perhaps that the 9:15 is always six minutes early. :''(He falls off the building and lands safely on the roof of an oncoming train as it speeds away)'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mayor Hill is tied to the hands of a huge clock]'' :'''Clock King''': Comfortable, Hill? Well you won't be for long! At 3:15 on the dot, those hands will come together and you'll be crushed like an insect. 3:15, Hill. Does that time hold any meaning for you? :'''Mayor Hill''': I don't know what you're talking about! :'''Clock King''': You told me to take my coffee break at 3:15. :'''Mayor Hill''': What?! :'''Clock King''': You don't remember?! My ''court date!'' :'''Mayor Hill''': ''[finally realizing]'' Oh my Lord! The lawsuit! Fugate! I swear I was only trying to help! :'''Clock King''': Don't hand me that! You did it on purpose! The plaintiffs were represented by your law firm, Mr. Mayor! :'''Mayor Hill''': But I had nothing to do with that case, Fugate! :'''Clock King''': Not that it matters anymore. Now that you have an appointment to keep, at 3:15 precisely—with the '''Grim Reaper!''' ''[begins laughing maniacally]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I'm here to clean your clock, Fugate. :'''Fugate''': Don't count on it, Batman. When it comes to clocks, ''I'' am king. ''En garde''! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Stop this, Fugate! Hill committed no crime against you! :'''Temple Fugate''': He did worse than that! He made me late! :'''Batman''': Fugate! You can't escape! :'''Clock King''': Au contraire, Batman. You of all people should know, there's always a way out! :''(Fugate begins laughing maniacally as a huge clock wheel falls on him, sending him to his apparent death)'' ===''Appointment In Crime Alley'' [1.26]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': Roland Daggett's up to something, Alfred. :'''Alfred''': That almost goes without saying, doesn't it, sir? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Leslie Thompkins''': This used to be a beautiful street. Good people lived here once. :'''Batman''': ''[placing two roses on the ground]'' Good people still live in Crime Alley. ===''Mad As A Hatter'' [1.27]=== :'''Jervis Tetch''': ''[Discussing the subject of Alice to his lab rats.]'' Of course, intellectually I know it's wrong. After all, she has a boyfriend. Better to withdraw like a gentleman- forget her, turn my heart to other pursuits. ''[Brief pause]'' NEVER! After all, I've created a chip strong enough to control a human brain! It would be so easy to make her forget her boorish beau and love ME! But...that would reduce her to a soulless shell. No...not my Alice. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman has cornered Jervis Tetch, who just subdued Alice with her mindcontrol card and is at a dinner table with him]'' :'''Jervis Tetch/Mad Hatter''': I'll cut that cowl off your neck before you'll take her! I've waited my whole lonely life for her! :'''Batman''': Then all you've waited for is a puppet. A soulless little doll. :'''Mad Hatter''': It didn't have to be this way! You made me do this to her! ===''Dreams In Darkness'' [1.28]=== :'''Batman''': "There's always time to heal", the doctor told me, but he was wrong. There was no time left. Not for me, not for him, and not for Gotham City. And as long as I remained trapped in Arkham, there was nothing I could do, except wait for the end and remember the beginning. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': An entire city, screaming in fear... I wonder if we'll be able to hear it... ===''Eternal Youth'' [1.29]=== :'''Mrs. Thomas''': You wicked, evil- :'''Poison Ivy''': Evil, Mrs. Thomas? I don't control a company that leveled a thousand-year-old forest for a strip mine! THAT'S evil! ''[sprays a gas which causes Mrs. Thomas to become petrified; steals a pair of earrings]'' You and your kind owe Mother Nature a big debt, and I am here to make sure you pay up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': Right now, the bark is merely exoskeletal. It will take months of additional spraying before the transformations become irreversible. But, of course, I have the patience of a redwood. :'''Batman''': ''[snarling]'' And the convictions of a fanatic! :'''Poison Ivy''': Well, if you're not going to be part of the solution, you're obviously part of the problem. Ladies? :''[Ivy's henchwomen begin to spray Batman with the growth formula]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': This spray is triple-strength, Batman! It will start the transformation without any preliminaries! ''[Nothing seems to happen to Batman as he unties his hands]'' He should be sprouting leaves by now! :'''Batman''': ''[Unties his hands and stands up, blocking the spray with his cape as he advances]'' You made your secret too accessible, Ivy! I coated my outfit with a herbicidal antidote! :'''Poison Ivy''': Keep spraying! ''[Violet and Lily back away, still spraying, but Batman subdues them both]'' ===''Perchance To Dream'' [1.30]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[Looking down off the ledge, preparing to jump]'' You're wrong! There IS a way out! :'''Mad Hatter''': Now, now wait just a minute! You don't want to do anything foolish! This isn't an ordinary dream! What if you're wrong?! :'''Bruce Wayne''': '''THEN I'LL SEE YOU IN YOUR ''NIGHTMARES''!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': '''''WHY?''''' Why did you do it?! :'''Mad Hatter''': You, of all people, have the GALL to ask me that? You RUINED MY LIFE! I was willing to give you WHATEVER life you wanted, JUST TO KEEP YOU OUT OF ''MINE!'' <hr width="75%"/> ===''The Cape & Cowl Conspiracy'' [1.31]=== :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Look up "slippery" in the dictionary and you get Josiah Wormwood. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[About the [[w:Bat-Signal|Bat-Signal]]]'' Got a new toy, I see. :'''Gordon''': I figured it might come in handy. ===''[[w:Robin's Reckoning|Robin's Reckoning Part 1]]'' [1.32]=== :''[Robin and Batman are doing a stakeout]'' :'''Robin''': If I knew it was going to take THIS long, I would've brought my homework. You sure about this extortion ring? :'''Batman''': ''[Looking at the construction site through binoculars]'' Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': It's been four hours. :'''Batman''': Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': You still think they'll show? :'''Batman''': Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': Lucky for me, you're such a good conversationalist. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': If you protect him, Stromwell, I'll be very... GRUMPY. [[The Incredible Hulk|You don't want to see me when I'm grumpy]]. ===''[[w:Robin's Reckoning|Robin's Reckoning Part 2]]'' [1.33]=== :'''[[w:Tony Zucco|Tony Zucco]]''': I'm not back in town five minutes - FIVE MINUTES - and he's on my tail. You don't know the Bat. He don't let up! He's the dark angel of death, man, and he wants ME! :'''Mick''': ... Why you, boss? :'''Zucco''': HOW SHOULD I KNOW?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Robin is about to throw Tony Zucco off the pier]'' :'''Tony Zucco''': No, don't! Please... :'''Batman''': Robin! Enough. ''[limps towards him]'' You can't let your emotions get the best of you. :'''Robin''': Stuff your advice, Batman! You and your stone-cold heart! You don't know how I feel. HOW COULD YOU?!? ''[Batman looks at him, and Robin realizes what he said]'' Batman, I didn't mean to... I'm sorry. ''[after he sees the police coming, Robin seemingly readies to throw Zucco off the pier but simply throws him to the ground. The cops arrive and arrest Zucco.]'' You were right, you know, not bringing me along. You knew I'd take it too personally. :'''Batman''': It wasn't that, Robin. It wasn't that at all. Zucco's taken so much, caused you so much pain. I couldn't stand the thought that he might... take you, too. :'''Robin''': ''[putting a hand on Batman's shoulder]'' Come on, partner. It's been a long night. ===''The Laughing Fish'' [1.34]=== :'''Alfred''': ''[seeing Batman with a Joker Fish]'' Dining in tonight, sir? :'''Batman''': ''[sighs]'' The dissection tray, please, Alfred... :'''Alfred''': Any idea what our happy friend is up to now? :'''Batman''': Normal criminals usually have logical motives, but the Joker's insane schemes make sense to him alone. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': Ah-ah-ah-ahem! Look alive, wage slaves. Presenting that caliph of clowns, that mogul of mountebanks, the one and only Joker! :''[The Joker enters, laughing maniacally]'' :'''Francis''': Great Scott! :'''Joker''': Actually, I'm Irish. Good morning, Mister, err, ''[looks at his desk's name plate]'' Francis! Please allow me to introduce my associates. Miss Quinn. :'''Harley Quinn''': ''Enchante''! :'''Joker''': And Messrs, uh... oh, their names escape me for the moment. No matter! We gentlemen of business have arrangements to discuss. :'''Francis''': A... Arrangements? :'''Joker''': ''[drops a Joker Fish onto his desk]'' For my fish, of course! This has all been worked out far in advance, Francis. You are merely the last tiny cog in my grand design! So don't speak to me again, 'kay? Now, what is everyone in town talking about? :'''Francis''': Err... your fish? :'''Joker''': ''[smacks him with the fish]'' I TOLD YOU NOT TO SPEAK! :'''Harley''': ''[sniffs Francis]'' Ooh, fish stink-a-roony! ''[sprays him with a substance from a perfume bottle, making him cough]'' All better! :'''Joker''': As I was saying, since every fish in Gotham now bares my famous and frankly ''fabulous'' face, I should be getting a profit from every fish product sold. ''[one of his thugs pours out a pile of products]'' Let's say a nickel per fish sandwich, fifty cents for sardines - millions of dollars a day to finance my happily hedonistic lifestyle! So which of your tedious copyright forms do I fill out first? You may speak now. :'''Francis''': No one can copyright fish. They're a natural resource. :'''Joker''': But they share my unique face! [[w:Colonel Sanders|Colonel What's-His-Name]] has chickens, and they don't even have moustaches! :'''Francis''': I can't help it, it's the law! :'''Joker''': Oh! Trying to cheat the Joker, are ya?! Well, we'll see who has the last laugh. You have until midnight to change your mind, Francis, or you'll be the poorest fish of all! ''[leaves, laughing madly, with his thugs following]'' :'''Harley''': ''[blows Francis a kiss as she follows]'' Buh-bye! :'''Francis''': He's crazy...! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Francis''': Err, Batman? Why is this happening to me? I've never done anything to this Joker. I'm just a paper-pusher, I can't change the laws. I'm harmless! :'''Batman''': And in his sick mind, that's the joke, Mr. Francis. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Feeling all right? :'''Francis''': ''[scratching himself]'' Oh, sure. It's just that everything's been so crazy today. I haven't even had time to rinse off that gunk the Joker's girl squirted on me... :'''Batman''': ''[to Gordon]'' GET THIS MAN TO A HOSPITAL! ''NOW!'' :'''Francis''': What?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': You're right, Harley. Fish ''are'' disgusting. I think I'll start using my toxin on cattle. Joker Burgers! Ha! Talk about a [[w:McDonald's|Happy Meal!]] <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': ''[after hitting Batman with a big wrench]'' Meanwhile, back at the "wrench"...! Since my sidesplitters don't tickle you, how 'bout a ''skull''-splitter?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After the Joker is seemingly eaten by the shark]'' :'''Harley''': ''[sniffing sadly]'' Oh, my poor, poor puddin'... :'''Bullock''': Come on, he was a demented, abusive, psychotic maniac. :'''Harley''': Yeah... I'm really gonna miss him! ''[sobs into her handkerchief]'' :'''Gordon''': Do you think he's gone for good? :'''Batman''': Believe me, Jim, I wish it were true. But deep inside, I doubt it. ===''Night Of The Ninja'' [1.35]=== :'''[[w:Kyodai Ken|Kyodai Ken]]''': ''[Throwing Bruce]'' Don't be depressed, Wayne-san. You're not bad for a rich man's pampered son. :'''Sensei''': ''[Leaps across room and throws Kyodai]'' There's always someone better, Kyodai. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': His name is Kyodai Ken. He was good. :'''Robin''': Yeah? How good? :'''Batman''': ''[Quickly]'' Good. :'''Robin''': I see. <hr width="80%"/> ===''Cat Scratch Fever'' [1.36]=== :'''Selina Kyle''': Don't tell me you're my very own private probation officer. How often would you like me to check in? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': "Viral Antitoxins". For a plague that doesn't exist, yet, but if the plague is introduced via stray dogs and cats, it will blanket Gotham City within weeks! :'''Roland Daggett''': Days, actually. You know how many strays there are in Gotham, Batman? Three hundred thousand! Imagine if even a tenth of them carried the virus. Not only will this little bottle make me a hero, it'll make me a fortune as well. ===''The Strange Secret Of Bruce Wayne'' [1.37]=== :''[Joker, Two-Face, and Penguin are bidding over Batman's secret identity]'' :'''Two-Face''': $500,000 :'''Penguin''': Poof. Chicken feed. I'll bet a million! :'''Two-Face''': ''TWO'' Million! :'''Strange''': I have two million. Do I hear three? :'''Joker''': Hold it, hold it, HOLD IT! :'''Two-Face''': Get outta my face, clown! :'''Joker''': Which one? :''[An angered Two-Face is about to attack Joker, but Penguin intervenes]'' :'''Penguin''': Gentlemen, it behooves us not to fight amongst ourselves. :'''Joker''': Well put, sardine breath! I think we should ''pool'' our resources on this. $51,240,685! ''[gets out a little coin purse, and pours out some coins]'' And uh, 53 cents. :'''Strange''': Sold! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Strange''': Joker, please! I was set up! Bruce Wayne is Batman! :'''Two-Face''': That's absurd! I know Bruce Wayne. If he's Batman, I'm the King of England! :'''Joker''': And people say I'M crazy! ===''Heart Of Steel Part 1'' [1.38]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': And who's your little friend? :''[Barbara takes a teddy bear out of her purse]'' :'''Barbara Gordon''': Oh, this is Wubby. I've had him forever. Dad won't pick me up at the airport without bringing him along. :'''Commissioner Gordon''': ''[blushing]'' Well... he knows the way better than I do. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': ''[After learning about the AI project]'' Sounds as if the human race could become quite expendable, except for butlers, of course. :'''Batman''': Of course. ===''Heart Of Steel Part 2'' [1.39]=== :'''Randa''': You have immobilized the maker. :'''[[w:HARDAC|HARDAC]]''': His human imperfection endangers the plan. He must be improved upon. <hr width="50%"/> :'''HARDAC''': The maker's concept was sound, but he did not go far enough - which is why I have taken over. ===''If You're So Smart, Why Aren't You Rich?'' [1.40]=== :'''[[w:Riddler|Edward Nygma]]''': ''[Being cheated out of the sales of his game]'' You are a fool, Mockridge, to think you can get away with this! Your amoral greed is no match for an intellect like mine! :'''Mockridge''': Oh, yeah? Then tell me something, Eddie: if you're so smart, why aren't you ''rich?'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman reprograms the Hand of Fate, and uses it to carry himself and Robin to the centre of the maze]'' :'''Riddler''': That is grand-scale CHEATING, Batman! You're not allowed to tamper with the Hand of Fate! :'''Batman''': I don't believe in fate! :'''Riddler''': You probably don't believe in Minotaurs either, but you'll still have to answer the Riddle. :'''Minotaur Robot''': ''I have billions of eyes, yet I live in darkness. I have millions of ears, yet only four lobes. I have no muscles, yet I move two hemispheres. What am I?'' :'''Batman''': ''[pauses in thought]'' That's simple: the human brain. ''[The Minotaur backs away]'' It has billions of optic and auditory nerves, four lobes and two hemispheres, and it's the only thing Edward Nygma respects. :'''Riddler''': A lucky guess, that's all! But it won't save you, Batman! ''[to the Minotaur]'' DESTROY THEM! ===''Joker's Wild'' [1.41]=== :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[as Joker changes the channel in the TV]'' Hey, I was watching that! :'''Joker''': And now you're watching this! :'''Poison Ivy''': Change it back! :'''Joker''': Nope, nope, nope, nope, don't want to. :'''Poison Ivy''': Guard! :'''Security Guard''': What's the problem? :'''Joker''': Don't look now, Sonny Jim, but the plant lady's gone whackers again. :'''Poison Ivy''': He started it! I was just sitting here! :'''Joker''': That's right, you're always blaming me. And the children wonder why we fight! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...the Joker's Wild! :''[Cameron Kaiser cuts the ribbon and unveils a casino with a gigantic Joker head. He is seen spoken to by Summer Gleeson]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': Ugh, that is disgusting! :'''Cameraman''': Psst, Summer! We're on the air! :'''Summer Gleeson''': ''[mortified]'' Oh! Uh... there you have it! Let's get a reaction from the guests. Mr. Wayne? :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[equally nauseated]'' No comment. :'''Summer Gleeson''': Mr. Kaiser, why build a casino seemingly in honor of one of history's most notorious outlaws? :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Summer, please! Wild Joker is a classic symbol, long associated with cards and games. I can't help it if there's a some passing resemblance to some criminal fruitcake. :''[An enraged Joker smashes the television]'' :'''Joker''': How dare that smug, preening fool try to cash in on ''MY'' image! :'''Poison Ivy''': Now who should lighten up? :'''Joker''': Don't get cute with me, Red. He's ripping me off! I'll protest! Yeah! I'll sue! Then I'll rip his lungs out! And I will, too! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': It was a scheme worthy of ''me'', Kaiser, the way you got me riled up and turned me loose on this place! :'''Cameron Kaiser''': You...! You were supposed to destroy the casino! :'''Joker''': Yeah, but then I realized it'd be more fun to get rid of you and run the show myself! :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Bu-But you can't...! :'''Joker''': Oh please, Mr. Kaiser! You of all people should have realized there'd be a Joker in the deck! ''[laughs]'' ===''Tyger Tyger'' [1.42]=== :'''Dorian''': I want to test Tygrus' reflexes and feral strength, and who better to pit him against than you? I'll give you a generous head start before I release Tygrus. If you defeat him, I shall relinquish this, the antigen to reverse Catwoman's mutation. :'''Batman''': How do I know you'll keep your word? :'''Dorian''': You don't. The clock is ticking, Batman. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': So you ''can'' talk. :'''Tygrus''': My father taught me. :'''Batman''': Your father was a test tube. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': Batman! The antidote! I'll be stuck like this forever! :'''Tygrus''': Would that be so bad? You could stay here, with me. :'''Catwoman''': Oh, Tygrus... I can't live like this, I have to be human again. :'''Tygrus''': ''[sadly, taking her hands in his]'' Goodbye, Selina. :''[As he leaves, Catwoman sees that he has given here the serum. She looks overjoyed, then calls out to him]'' :'''Catwoman''': Wait - won't you come with us? There's nothing for you here. :'''Tygrus''': There's nothing for me anywhere. ''[disappears into the falling rain]'' :'''Batman''': ''[in voiceover]'' "[[w:The Tyger|Tyger Tyger burning bright, in the forests of the night: what immortal hand or eye, dare frame thy fearful symmetry?]]" ===''Moon Of The Wolf'' [1.43]=== :'''Professor Milo''': What you're suffering from is an early stage of lycanthropy, more commonly known as werewolfism; for that I have no treatment. However, advanced werewolfism can be cured. :'''Anthony Romulus''': ''[after a wolf howls, Anthony starts transforming]'' Ohhh, you fool! There's no telling what the werewolf might do! :'''Professor Milo''': Hey, ask me if I care. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Do me a favour, shaggy: stay down! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bullock''': No trace of Wolfie! We checked the shoreline for miles! But in four weeks, there's another full moon. Then we'll know for sure. ===''Day Of The Samurai'' [1.44]=== :''[Batman swoops away after rescuing his Sensei's student, Kairi]'' :'''Kairi''': ''[In Japanese]'' Spirit of the bat... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yoru''': If you see Batman, tell him I have great respect for him. :'''Bruce''': Why? He's as much a ninja as Kyodai was. :'''Yoru''': Not so. Batman offered to help his adversary, and a lesser man would have used the secrets of the Onemuri touch against his opponent. Batman is the essence of samurai, Wayne-san. You would do well to remember that. :'''Bruce''': ''[bows]'' Domo arigato, sensei. ===''Terror In The Sky'' [1.45]=== :'''Batman''': Reports of a huge bat creature the size of a man. Remind you of anybody? :'''Alfred''': Present company excluded? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You couldn't leave it alone, could you, March? You've recreated the mutagen. :'''March''': ''[aiming a tranquilizer rifle at him]'' Recreated it? I've ''refined'' it! At night, on my own, so the others wouldn't know. I still believe only a creature like a Man-Bat can survive the next evolutionary cataclysm - and it will! My new serum could be even more powerful than Kirk's! :'''Batman''': ''[after disarming March]'' "''Could'' be"? What do you mean? :'''March''': I needed to test it, but before I had the chance-- :'''Batman''': ''[clearly surprised]'' You mean you ''haven't'' taken it? :'''March''': Of course not! The experimental batch was destroyed. I'll have to-- :'''Batman''': Destroyed? How? :'''March''': I'd been working through the night. I was just completing the final combination. ''[remembers incident at his lab as he drops the beaker of mutagen upon Francine's surprise entry]'' Francine burst in. I was startled. You have to understand I was very tired, I accidentally dropped the beaker. The whole night's work, ruined! Francine never guessed what I was doing, she even helped me clean up the mess. All that... glass! ''[recalls Francine licking her finger after it is pricked by a small shard of glass]'' Oh... oh, my lord... Francine! The mutagen - it's in ''her'' bloodstream now! ''[breaks down at his folly as Batman loads a tranquilizer into a pistol of his and then gives March the formula paperwork]'' :'''Batman''': Is ''that'' what it's going to take? Your daughter's life, before you end this insanity? :''[Later that night, March burns the files]'' ===''Almost Got 'Im'' [1.46]=== :'''Joker''': I want a nice clean game, gentlemen. :'''Penguin''': That'll be a first. So, I hear 'you-know-who' nailed the Mad Hatter last week. :'''Joker''': No kidding. He sure gets around for one guy. :'''Two-Face''': Yeah, well that's where you're wrong. I don't think it IS one guy. :'''[[w:Killer Croc|Killer Croc]]''': Huh? :'''Two-Face''': The way I figure it, Gordon's got a bunch of 'em stashed someplace like a SWAT team. He wants you to think it's one guy, but- :'''Joker''': Meh. You're always seeing double. :'''Penguin''': It's obvious our caped friend suffered some crime-related trauma when he was younger. Perhaps an over-anxious mugger blew off a piece of his face. :'''Joker''': Sure! He could be all gross and disgusting under that mask! ''[as Two-Face crushes a milk carton]'' Uh, no offense, Harv. :'''Two-Face''': Just deal. :'''Killer Croc''': Well, ya know what ''I'' think? :'''Joker''': Not the robot theory again... :'''Killer Croc''': Well, he COULD be. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Two-Face''': Poison Ivy... :'''Poison Ivy''': It's been a long time Harvey. You're still looking...halfway decent. :'''Two-Face''': Half of me wants to strangle ya. :'''Poison Ivy''': And what's the other part want? :'''Two-Face''': To hit you with a truck! :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[to the others]'' We used to date. :'''Penguin/Joker''': Ah. ===''Birds Of A Feather'' [1.47]=== :'''[[w:Penguin (comics)|Penguin]]''': Say, who's there? Two-Face? Croc? Joker, old shoe? :'''Batman''': None of the above, Penguin. :'''Penguin''': Oh no, not you... :'''Batman''': Get used to it. Wherever you go, I'll be right behind you. :'''Penguin''': Precisely where you belong. But you needn't bother. Haven't you heard? I've reformed. Paid my debt to society, and all that. :'''Batman''': We'll see. I just came to tell you to keep your beak clean. :'''Penguin''': ''[grabs a can of rat poison]'' As long as you're here, won't you stay for a cappuccino? :''[Batman gives him an annoyed look before leaving]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Batman defeats a gang of thugs threatening the Penguin and Veronica]'' :'''Batman''': I knew you couldn't stay clean for more than one day. :'''Veronica''': Let him go! He didn't do anything. It was those brutes! :'''Batman''': ''[genuinely surprised]'' He wasn't with them? :'''Penguin''': That's right, you vulgar vigilante! In my day, I associated with a much higher class of riff-raff! :'''Veronica''': I'm so sorry, Ozzie. :'''Penguin''': As long as you weren't bruised, my peach. ''[kisses her hand]'' :'''Batman''': "Peach"? :'''Penguin''': Why don't you be a good masked man and ride off into the night? This time, ''I'll'' clean up after ''you.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Veronica''': Please, Oswald! If it's money you want, I can get you more! :'''Penguin''': ''SHUT UP!'' All I wanted from ''you'', dearie, was a little friendship. That would have cost you ''nothing.'' But now you'll pay! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Veronica''': Oswald? I really was growing fond of you. It's too bad this had to happen. :'''Penguin''': ''[coldly]'' I suppose it's true what they say: society is to blame. ''High'' society. ===''What Is Reality?'' [1.48]=== :'''Batman''': "Where does a 500 pound gorilla sleep?" "What's worse than a millipede with flat feet?" "How do you stuff five elephants into a compact car?" :'''Alfred''': Anywhere it wants, a giraffe with a sore throat, and two in the front seat, two in the back, and one in the trunk. :'''Batman''': Yeah, yeah. I know, I know. Any schoolboy knows those. But brain teasers are the Riddler's M.O. Not corny old jokes like these. :'''Alfred''': Perhaps the questions are the clues, not the answers. For example, they all seem to involve animals. :'''Batman''': Also numbers. A ''500'' pound gorilla. A millipede, meaning a thousand legs. And five elephants. Now let's convert them to Roman numerals. ''[he does, revealing the letters DMV]'' Look! :'''Alfred''': DMV... :'''Batman and Alfred''': Department of Motor Vehicles! :'''Alfred''': But I recall you mentioning he'd already obliterated his records there, so why return? :'''Batman''': For the hard copy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no tales. :'''Batman''': Another riddle, Nygma? :''[Four quarters and a single penny emerge from the return change chute]'' :'''Riddler''': It all makes sense when you add it up! :''[In the Batmobile]'' :'''Alfred''': Four quarters and a penny, sir? :'''Batman''': Penny... Penny... Cent... Red cent... Copper. It's made of copper. :'''Alfred''': And "copper" is another word for a policeman. :'''Batman''': And "no tails" would be heads. Police head... Quarters! :'''Alfred''': Police Headquarters. Bravo, sir! It does make "cents" when you add it up! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': He can't be online! I searched through every file. :'''Riddler''': You searched the software. Had you bothered to examine the hardware you would have discovered a cordless modem line. :'''Riddler''': A pity you can't earn extra lives in this game.Quite an experience being riddled with questions, isn't it, Batman :'''Robin''': Batman don't open that door Crazy Intent means Loco Motion! Batman finds himself on a chessboard: :'''Riddler''':Only Batman can put the King in check and you have to move according to the rules or its the end of the day :'''Robin''':They call you the dark Knight..so you have to move like a knight (If Batman fails to move as a knight it'll be "KNightfall" (!) :'''Riddler''':Careful, vigilante, you know what they say, "Curiosity killed the Bat". :'''Batman''': Can you solve it? :'''Robin''': Are you kidding? You're looking at the guy who solved the Baxter's Box puzzle in 37 seconds! Course, this time I don't have a sledge hammer... After escaping Riddler Virtual realty Traps, Batman tries to rescue Gordon from Riddler :'''Batman''': You may control this world, Nygma, but I still control myself! :'''Riddler''': The name is "Riddler"! Edward Nygma doesn't exist anymore! You may recall that he was once fired by an ungrateful employer! That was a private matter and was meant to remain one! :'''Batman''': Attempted homicide is never a "private matter", Nygma! :'''Riddler''': No, but it would have been if you hadn't interfered and turned Edward Nygma into a fugitive! So I deleted Nygma. Just as I'm about to delete you, Batman. :'''Batman''':Tell me this.. Riddler how can you spread your conscious thirty-two times..and still have the concentration to keep your world together? YOU CAN'T! Batman saves Gordon :'''Riddler''': No....NO..... I can escape that easy...but if the Planet was equitable...I'd still have my old Job....No...wait...I'M ...not Ready.....AHHHHH' :'''Gordon''': But we'll never find him :'''Batman''': I think he left us a clue..."If the planet were equitable, I'd still have my old job". :'''Robin''': Of course. If the "World's Fair," I'd still have my "Ex-position". Oh, give me a break. [Batman, Robin and Gordon find Riddler mind trapped in his virtual realty world] :'''Batman''': Looks like he didn't escape his virtual reality in time. :'''Robin''': You mean he's been trapped inside his own program? :'''Batman''': Could be and how to get him out may be a riddle no one can solve. ===''I Am The Night'' [1.49]=== :'''Batman''': A weary body can be dealt with. But a weary spirit? That's something else. Sometimes, old friend, I wonder if I'm really doing any good out there. :'''Alfred''': How can you doubt it? The lives you've saved, the criminals you've brought to justice-- :'''Batman''': I've put out a few fires, yes. Won a few battles. But the war goes on, Alfred. On and on... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Leslie Thompkins''': You seem quieter than usual tonight. :'''Batman''': Every year, I come here and wonder if it should be the last time. If I should put the past behind me, try to lead a normal life. :'''Dr. Thompkins''': [[George Santayana|Santayana]] says, "Those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it." :'''Batman''': He also said a fanatic is someone who redoubles his efforts while losing sight of his goal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I chose this life. I use the night - I ''became'' the night. Sooner or later, I'll go down. It might be the Joker, or Two-Face, or just some punk who gets lucky. My decision, no regrets. But I can't let anyone else pay for my mistakes. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': "[[Friedrich Nietzsche|When you look too long into the abyss, the abyss looks back through you.]]" Maybe it's time for Batman to return to the night that spawned him, before anyone else gets hurt! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[grabs Wizard]'' Up to your old tricks, I see. How about returning that suitcase to its owner? :'''Wizard''': Hey, man, I ''am'' the owner. :''[Batman, surprised, lets him go]'' :'''Wizard''': Y'know, I was kinda hoping I'd run into you. I'd been in those places like where you left me before. Heard the rap, wasn't impressed. But this time, it made sense. Maybe I was ready to hear it. So I'm heading back home. I guess I kinda owe it to you, Batman. You probably saved my life. I'll bet you hear this all the time. Look, I'm gonna miss my bus, I'll see you around. And... thanks. :''[Batman smiles as he watches Wizard leave]'' ===''Off Balance'' [1.50]=== :'''[[w:Talia al Ghul|Talia]]''': My contact lenses! I lost them when we fell! They counter the distortion effect. Without them, I'm as helpless as you. :'''Batman''': I don't do helpless. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Ra's al Ghul|Ra's al Ghul]]''': So even in defeat, the detective manages to achieve some small measure of victory. As you said, detective: this is not over. ===''The Man Who Killed Batman'' [1.51]=== :'''Joker''': You know, there's just one thing bothering me about your story, Sid. No body. No BATUS DELECTI so to speak. We need to pull a job tonight just to make sure. :'''Murphy, Joker's henchman''': Make sure what, boss? :'''Joker''': ''[surprised by Murphy's question]'' Why that old Batsy's bought the cave of course, and one more thing Murphy.....''[turning more annoyed]'' don't ask stupid questions. ''[pushes Murphy to the hyenas who scratch and lick him crazily, to Joker's satisfaction]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': I'll get the mop. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': When the cops come, stall them for awhile, just until Batman arrives. '' Got it?'' :'''Henchman''': Right, boss. :'''Joker''': ''[to Murphy, still scarred from the hyenas]'' Any questions, Murph? :'''Murphy''': No sir! :'''Joker''': ''[to Sid The Squid]'' Good man. And if Batman hasn't ''really'' gone to his final reward, ''we'll'' see that he gets there! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Dear friends... today is the day the Clown cried. And he cries not for the passing of one man, but for the death of a dream. The dream that he would someday taste the ultimate victory over his hated enemy. For it was the Batman who made me the happy soul I am today. How I agonized over the perfect way to thank him for that. Perhaps with a cyanide pie in the face. Or an exploding whoopie-cushion playfully planted in the Batmobile. But those dreams were dashed by the weaselly little gunsel sitting there in our midst. The cowardly insignificant gonif who probably got lucky when Batman slipped on the slime trail this loser left behind him. This mound of diseased hyena filth who's not fit to lick the dirt from my spats...! But I digress. The time for sorrow has passed. It's time to look to a future filled with smiles. And I'll be smiling again just as soon as we take that man THERE...and slap him in that box THERE...and roll him into that vat of acid THERE! Well that was fun...who's for Chinese?! ===''Mudslide'' [1.52]=== :'''Clayface''': ''[After civilians flee in terror upon seeing his true form]'' That's right, run! Run for your measly lives! Run from Clayface! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Clayface''': You've upstaged me for the last time, Batman. Time to bring down the curtain! ===''Paging The Crime Doctor'' [1.53]=== :'''Rupert Thorne''': You think you iced the Batman, huh? Heh heh heh... Not on your best day, Jake! I'd cover my back if I were you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce Wayne''': Bruce Wayne, Dr. Thorne. Thomas Wayne's son. Did you get my letter? :'''[[w:Joseph Campanella|Matthew Thorne]]''': Yes. Thomas Wayne... :'''Bruce Wayne''': I told you I can help with your legal costs, maybe even put in a good word with the judge. :'''Matthew Thorne''': Yes, but what do you get out of it? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Well, there is something you can do for me. :'''Matthew Thorne''': I knew it! I knew there'd be a catch. Sorry, Mr. Wayne. Matthew Thorne is no longer for sale! :'''Bruce Wayne''': I'm not looking for any illegal favors. :'''Matthew Thorne''': What then? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Something you know. Something only you can give me. ''[pause]'' Tell me about my father. :''[Dr. Thorne grins and camera pans out as he ushers Bruce to resume his seat]'' ===''Zatanna'' [1.54]=== :'''[[w:Zatanna|Zatanna]]''': What do you care about some leggy dame in nylons- or have I just answered my own question? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zatanna''': ''[About Batman's mask]'' What happened that made you put this on? :'''Batman''': A painful memory, and a promise. ===''The Mechanic'' [1.55]=== :'''The Penguin''': ''[furious at his men for stealing the wrong stamps by mistake]'' These are terrible! Terrible! :'''Eagleton''': ''[indignant]'' Come on, boss. Give me a break. We got you the stamps. What more do you want? :'''The Penguin''': ''[tossing the worthless stamps angrily]'' I wanted the rare ones! The reversed Audubons! These aren't worth enough to pay for the repairs to the limousine. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Earl Cooper''': ''[sees the damaged Batmobile]'' You been letting the kid drive again? :'''Robin''': Ha ha. Actually we were playing chicken with a penguin. :'''Batman''': Or three of his men. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Penguin is scrubbing license plates in prison]'' :'''Penguin''': ''[reading one]'' "1 BAT 4U"?! ''[breaks it in anger]'' ===''Harley and Ivy'' [1.56]=== :'''Joker''': NO, we didn't get the diamond! The Dork Knight showed up before we even got to the museum! I had a great shot at him, too. Except... my dear little Harley Quinn handed me the wrong gun! :'''Harley Quinn''': But puddin', it was kinda funny watching you shoot at him with the bang flag! ''[Rocco and Henshaw can't help laughing then stifle it as the Joker glares at them]'' :'''Joker''': ''[turning back to Harley]'' Funny? You presume to tell me what I should think is funny?!? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[Poison Ivy trips the alarm, spoiling and hers and Harley Quinn's separate robberies]'' Nice going, butterfingers! Why not turn on the Bat-Signal while you're at it? :'''Poison Ivy''': I wasn't TRYING to get caught! :'''Harley Quinn''': Could've fooled me! Hey, aren't you that plant lady Poison Oakie? :'''Poison Ivy''': Ivy! Poison IVY, not Oakie! :'''Harley Quinn''': Sorry! Harley Quinn, please to meet ya! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Poison Ivy is about to give an injection to Harley Quinn]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': I hate shots! I hate shots! :'''Poison Ivy''': Now, now. You're not immune to poison like I am, and you won't last ten minutes here in Toxic Acres without my antidote. ''[gives the injection]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': Oooh! Whew, you'd think after livin' with Mr. J, I'd be used to a little pain. :'''Poison Ivy''': Why do you put up with that clown? :'''Harley Quinn''': Don't get me wrong. My puddin's a little rough sometimes, but he loves me, really. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[sarcastically]'' Sure he does. You're just one big, forgiving doormat, aren't you? :'''Harley Quinn''': I am NOT a doormat! ...Am I? :'''Poison Ivy''': If you had a middle name, it would be Welcome. But cheer up, kid. You just need some lessons in good old female self-esteem. In other words, let's play with the boys on ''our'' terms. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': That should keep you big strong men busy while we weak little girls loot your trophy room. :'''Harley Quinn''': Gee, Ives, you got style! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[sighs softly]'' No offense, Ives, but I'm not very hungry. Somehow I don't feel like my old perky self. Something's missing. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[angrily slams her form on Harley's plate]'' Will you stop?! I can't believe you're still mooning over that psychotic creep! :'''Harley Quinn''': Well, maybe I'd feel better if I knew he missed me, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': HARLEY!!! This place is going to blinking blue blazes! Anybody seen my socks?! '''HARLEY!!!''' ''[the hyenas snarl at Joker]'' OH!! They snapped at me! What's going on, Rock? This place is a mess, no one's fed the hyenas and I can't find my socks! Where's Harley?! :'''Rocko''': Y-y-ya canned her, boss. Remember? :'''Joker''': So? She's always come back before. :'''Rocko''': Gee... I guess ya ain't seen the papers then. :'''Joker''': Papers?! What are you babbling about?! ''[snatches the newspaper from Rocko and reads an article of Harley's partnership with Poison Ivy]'' '''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!''''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[to Poison Ivy]'' I remember when I would go driving like this with Mr. J. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[imitating Harley Quinn]'' "Mr. J, Mr. J." Oh, change the record, Harl! You wanna be some wacko's victim the rest of your life?! ===''Shadow Of The Bat Part 1'' [1.57]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[indignant after reading about James Gordon's arrest]'' We'll see about this. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara Gordon]]''': So Batman can't help me? Fine. Let's see what Batgirl can do! ===''Shadow Of The Bat Part 2'' [1.58]=== :'''Two-Face''': Don't get wise with me, Mason. Remember who got you set up as Gordon's assistant? :'''Gil Mason''': Right, Harvey, right. :'''Two-Face''': ''[grabs him]'' Don't call me that! It's TWO-FACE to you, pretty boy! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I should've known it would be Two-Face. It's a perfect two-part plan. He consolidates the gangs while Mason takes over the police. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Gil Mason is about to murder James Gordon to become commissioner, and later mayor]'' :'''Gil Mason''': It's business, Jim. Nothing personal. Matter of fact, I respect you, I do. But a fellow has to take his opportunities where he finds them. And with you out of the way, I'll be mayor inside of a year! :'''Gordon''': You're SICK, Gil! ''[glances at Two-Face]'' A lot sicker than him! At least I can see his bad half! :'''Mason''': Sorry you feel that way. At least you won't have to worry about Barbara. I'll take good care of her. She's very fond of me, you know. :'''Gordon''': You piece of scum! I may not be able to stop you, but I know someone who will! :'''Mason''': I wouldn't get your hopes up. You see, there's been a recent decline in the bat population... ===''Blind As A Bat'' [1.59]=== :'''Penguin''': Your aim appears to be a little off today, Batman. I don't think you could hit the broad side of a barn, let alone the broad side of this bird! You're blind as a bat. Sightless and helpless. :'''Batman''': You've got ''one'' right. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': You have a call on your private line. :'''Bruce''': Then let's go! :'''Alfred''': In your condition, sir? :'''Bruce''': If you think a little inconvenience like this is going to stop me... :''[he knocks over a lamp]'' :'''Alfred''': Indeed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': ''[contacting Mayor Hill's office from the Raven]'' Quite a machine, this Raven. Amazing what its communications equipment can do. Don't you agree? You've received my instructions? :'''Mayor Hill''': They arrived by messenger this morning. You know, one-hundred million is a a lot of money. It'll take time to raise that much. :'''Penguin''': You're stalling, Hill. Obviously, you're not taking me seriously. I've warned you not to make that mistake. Apparently, I'll have to show you why. :''[shuts off communication and Hill angrily snaps his pencil in half]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Hill''': Just what I was afraid of. According to the controller's office, we can't come close to putting that ransom together. Not without shutting down basic municipal services. :'''Detective Bullock''': So what other options do we got? :'''Batman''': ''[emerging from the shadows]'' None, gentlemen. Which is why you're going to do exactly what the Penguin wants you to. ===''The Demon's Quest Part 1'' [1.60]=== :'''Ra's al Ghul''': As [[W:Napoleon|Napoleon]] told me, "A strong will can fuel a frail physique." <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Look at it, detective. One of the last of the rainforests. The world depends upon its oxygen, yet the rich see only profit in its destruction. You, who belong to the overclass, have much to answer for. :'''Batman''': Bruce Wayne donates millions of dollars a year to preserve these forests. :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Which are being depleted at the rate of 120,000 acres a day. Does your money solve this problem? No! It will take more than wealth. It will take power, and I fear, ruthlessness. Humankind must be forced to serve the planet instead of its own appetites. :'''Batman''': And you're the one who'll do the forcing? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': I am... qualified, yes. But I may not have sufficient lifetimes left to me. ===''The Demon's Quest Part 2'' [1.61]=== :'''Ubu''': Infidel! :'''Batman''': If you only knew how sick I am of you calling me that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ra's al Ghul''': The material of the Pit is an unknown chemical stew that bubbles to the Earth's surface only in certain key places. Even now, my people are placing bombs, such as that one, over the various Lazarus Pits around the world. These bombs are electronically linked to a private satellite already in Earth orbit. :'''Batman''': ''Orpheus''. :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Precisely. And at the moment when sun and moon are in proper alignment to cause the greatest upheaval in Earth's geomagnetic field, I shall send a signal to that satellite, beginning a countdown. Five minutes thereafter, one bomb will be lowered deep into the heart of each Pit. The satellite will in turn relay a microwave signal that will detonate all the bombs simultaneously. The multiple explosions will result in a global chain reaction. All the Lazarus Pits throughout the world will overflow. The globe will be saturated with their chemical solution, and when the resultant cataclysm has abated, there will come a blessed peace, and this poor, defiled planet shall find itself restored to its former pristine glory. :'''Batman''': But that will cost countless lives! :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Actually, Detective, we ''have'' counted: Two billion, fifty-six million, nine hundred and eighty-six thousand! A most impressive plan, would you not agree? :'''Batman''': Yes... I can see it clearly now for the first time. You are completely out of your mind. ===''His Silicon Soul'' [1.62]=== :'''Rossum''': You don't understand. You're not a man's mind in a robot's body. You're a robot. Period. :'''Bat-Duplicant''': You're lying! It's not possible! I know my family and friends! I remember names, faces, birthdays! I have memories! A past! :'''Rossum''': You have information. Data. Nothing more. Do you remember your first kiss? Your favorite song? The last time you tasted a really good steak? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[about the duplicant]'' Could it be it had a soul, Alfred? A soul of silicon, but a soul nonetheless. ===''Fire From Olympus'' [1.63]=== :'''Stavros''': Please! It's not what you think. I wasn't going to say anything. Honest! :'''[[w:Maxie Zeus|Maximillion "Maxie" Zeus]]''': Silence! First, you transgress against me. Then, you force me to descend to the mortal plane. And now, you tell me I know not what I think?! :'''Stavros''': No! :'''Zeus''': To the depths of Tartarus with you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zeus''': You bore me with these tales of petty human concerns. :'''Clio''': ''[annoyed]'' You're doing it again, Max. :'''Zeus''': You are Clio, my muse of history. Amuse me with tales of ancient times when mortals trembled at the name of Zeus. :'''Clio''': You want a story? I got one. Seems there was this guy named Max who, because he'd been lucky so far in the smuggling racket, believed himself to be untouchable, superior, godlike... :'''Zeus''': There's a cynical edge to your voice I don't appreciate. Know you not, I am above mortal constraints of right and wrong? :'''Clio''': No one is above the law, Max. :'''Zeus''': I make my own laws! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zeus''': Begone, Lord [[w:Hades|Hades]]. Get thee back to thine own realm. Do not come again to Olympus until bidden! :'''Batman''': I think I get the message. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Clio''': ''[telling Batman about Zeus]'' He wasn't always this way, you know. But then business got bad and he started handling cargo for the mob. After a while, with the pressure, the tension... things got confused. He's not living in the real world anymore. ''[awkwardly]'' Maybe you can relate to that? :'''Batman''': ''[after a short silence]'' You're the only one who can get me close enough to help him - while some of the man you knew still exists. ===''Read My Lips'' [1.64]=== :'''Batman''': How do you think I found this place? The phone book? I had help. ''Inside'' help. :'''[[w:Ventriloquist (comics)|Scarface]]''': My premonition! I knew I was right! Which one of you louses is it?! :'''Rhino''': It ain't me boss! :'''Scarface''': I know it ain't you, Rhino! You're too stupid to be a traitor! :'''Rhino''': Thanks, boss. :'''Scarface''': But whoever it is, they're gonna pay big time! Who is it?! You don't talk, you get the ultimate massage! :'''Batman''': And if I tell? :'''Scarface''': Maybe you just get run over by a truck. :'''Batman''': Tempting, but no. :'''Scarface''': Have it your way. Rhino! :''[Rhino gets ready to pull the lever to lower Batman to a pit of mannequins with razor-sharp fingernails]'' :'''Batman''': Hold it! :'''Scarface''': This is gettin' old, Bats. Last chance, who's the traitor? :'''Batman''': Him! The Ventriloquist! :''[everyone glares at the Ventriloquist]'' :'''Ventriloquist''': No, no! He's lying! I told you when he came into my room! :'''Scarface''': So what? Maybe you did 'cause I had ya cornered. Heard ya talkin' to Batman. :'''Batman''': ''[uses his own ventriloquism to imitate the Ventriloquist]'' Shut up, you blockhead! :'''Scarface''': WHAT DID YOU SAY?! :'''Ventriloquist''': It wasn't me! I didn't say that! My lips didn't move! :'''Scarface''': So what?! You're a ventriloquist! You're also a lyin' yellow liver-bellied two-face! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, Scarface! I'm loyal! I'd never! :'''Batman''': He's been feeding me information, in return for legal protection. ''[imitates the Ventriloquist again]'' You're going up the river, sawdust-for-brains! :'''Scarface''': Why, I oughta...! Waste the floor-flusher! Come on, I gave an order! ICE HIM! DO IT! DO IT NOW! :'''Muggsy''': But, boss, we ventilate the Ventriloquist, your, y'know... :'''Scarface''': I'M SURROUNDED BY TRAITORS! Okay, fine. Ya want something done right, do it yourself! ''[aims his gun at the Ventriloquist]'' ===''The Worry Men'' [1.65]=== :'''Veronica''': If ever someone led a worry-free life, it's you, Bruce Wayne. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce''': Tell me, Alfred: what's an ancient Mayan witch doctor doing on a Gotham skyscraper? :'''Alfred''': This isn't one of those Riddler questions, is it? :'''Bruce''': No, but it's just as confusing. <hr width="50%"/> :''[As Batman attempts to escape from his guillotine]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Oh, you're a clever one! But I will not be denied! As the great [[w:Lewis Carroll|Lewis Carroll]] said: "[[w:Jabberwocky|One, two, one, two, and through and through the vorpal blade went snicker-snack! He left it dead, and with its head, he went galumphing back!]]" <hr width="50%"/> :''[Freed from his mind control, the Mad Hatter's jaguar gang turn on him]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Stop! :'''Shaman''': Yes, stop. Leave him to the police. :'''Mad Hatter''': Thank you. Thank you, you generous, forgiving, ''[draws a gun from his hat]'' noble fool! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': I must say, after all the Hatter put him through, that fellow showed remarkable restraint. :'''Bruce''': When everything was said and done, all the shaman really wanted was to go home. In fact, I hear he even sent the Hatter a farewell gift. :''[The Hatter is seen tossing and turning in bed in Arkham]'' :'''Bruce''': Something to ensure that Jervis Tetch only dreams of a good honest life from now on. :''[A Batman doll is revealed from under the Hatter's pillow]'' ==Season 2== ===''Sideshow'' [2.1]=== :'''Killer Croc''': You know, there's something the brains back at the joint didn't think about. :'''Prison Guard''': Yeah, what's that? :'''Killer Croc''': Crocodile's got the strongest jaws of any animal around. ''[bites his handcuffs in half]'' :'''Prison Guard''': ''[spits the coffee out of his mouth and pins Croc with the shotgun]'' Get back! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman arrives with his shadow. Goliath wakes up and Batman covers Goliath's mouth by calming him down]'' :'''Batman''': Calm down, I won't hurt you. I'm just looking for someone: half man, half crocodile. ''[Goliath looks over worriedly]'' He's in there, isn't he? :'''Goliath''': ''[Pushes Batman to the cage]'' No! Stay away! ''[Holds him against it]'' He's one of us. Croc, run! :'''Batman''': ''[Kicks Goliath into the stomach]'' I don't wanna hurt you. :'''Goliath''': Don't worry, you won't. ''[Hits Batman with the big punch and Batman and Goliath starts fighting]'' :'''Killer Croc''': ''[Comes out of the house]'' You. ''[Gives Batman a spear]'' :'''Billy''': Richard, help! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Billy the Seal Boy''': Why, Croc? Why'd you turn on us like that? We could have helped you, we could have done something. :'''Killer Croc''': You said you can be yourself out here, remember? Well, I guess that's what I was doing - being myself. ===''A Bullet For Bullock'' [2.2]=== :'''Bullock''': Let's get something straight from the get-go. I think you're a freak and a menace, and those are your ''good'' points. But the commish says you serve a purpose, so I go along. :'''Batman''': I appreciate your honesty. What's the problem? :'''Bullock''': Somebody's got it in for me. Tried to give me a fender massage last night. It ain't the first time. Last week too. :'''Batman''': Any suspects? :'''Bullock''': So many, they could have their own zip code. I've put a lot of guys away, and they hate me for it. Looks like one of them hates me enough to do something about it. :'''Batman''': Why me? Why not just go to the department? :'''Bullock''': I step on a lot of toes. I don't want Internal Affairs looking at me too close. They might find some things I don't want found. :'''Batman''': Are you on the take? :'''Bullock''': Watch it, freak! I never took a dime from nobody! I just bend the rules a little sometimes, you understand. We're not all that different. :'''Batman''': We're on the same side, but we're ''not'' the same. I'll help you find out who's after you, but you've got to collar them clean. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': We ''are'' speaking of the same person, are we not? Harvey Bullock? The detective who looks like an unmade bed? :'''Batman''': The same. :'''Alfred''': He came to ''you'' for help? It must be serious. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Montoya''': Bullock? You okay? You don't look so good. I mean, you never look good, but today you look worse. :'''Bullock''': After fifteen years working in this cesspool, I'd like to see how good ''you'' look! <hr width="50%"/> :''[In the Batmobile]'' :'''Bullock''': Nice starship you got here. What's this for? ''[points towards a button]'' :'''Batman''': Passenger ejector seat. :''[Bullock withdraws nervously, while Batman smirks slightly]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bullock''': By the way, I still think you're a freak, but... thanks. ===''Trial'' [2.3]=== :'''Two-Face''': Basic fifty-fifty option. You get him off, you both go free. He goes down, you take the fall with him. :'''Mad Hatter''': Amusing idea, what? Kidnapping you to be Batman's attorney? :'''Two-Face''': Personally, I suggested a quick slug between the eyes... but I lost the coin toss. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarface''': Court is now in session! The Good People of Arkham Asylum vs. the Self-Righteous Vigilante Called Batman! Our prosecutor is ready, likewise our fair and impartial jury. :'''Mad Hatter''': Hang him! :'''Harley''': Shoot him! :'''Killer Croc''': Hit him with a rock! :'''Scarface''': And now, all rise for the most honorable, most benevolent, most merciful Judge Joker! :'''Joker''': GUILTY! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I was promised a chance to defend my client! :'''Joker''': Oh, very well. Like it'll make a difference. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I suppose that you, like your friends, claim that Batman ''drove'' you to be a criminal? :'''Mad Hatter''': He did. :'''Janet Van Dorn''': And yet, as I recall in your case, you brainwashed and kidnapped a woman who rejected you. :'''Mad Hatter''': Batman forced me to do it! He was going to take her away from me! I had no choice! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': You could have respected her wishes and left her alone. :'''Mad Hatter''': I'D HAVE KILLED HER FIRST! ''[gasps and covers his mouth, then turns to the Joker]'' I'd like that last statement stricken from the record, please. :'''Joker''': Record? Is someone supposed to be writing this down? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': And so it's Batman's fault you lead a life of crime? :'''Poison Ivy''': He should have let me bump off Harvey Dent. We'd all have been better off - wouldn't we, Harv? :'''Two-Face''': ''[muttering while flipping his coin]'' Why, you rotten little... :'''Janet Van Dorn''': But Miss Isley, isn't the real motivation for your crimes your obsession with plants? That you prefer them to people? :'''Poison Ivy''': I love plants, honey, but a rose is a rose. :'''Janet Van Dorn''': Then it doesn't bother you when someone, let's say the judge here, ''[plucks the flower from the Joker's robe]'' ruthlessly ''plucks'' a defenceless flower from the warm green earth? :'''Poison Ivy''': No! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': Even knowing he's given it his death sentence? That its petals must die? ''[starts pulling its petals out]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': Stop it...! :'''Poison Ivy''': One by one, withering, falling. One by one till it's all gone, ''honey.'' :''[She crushes the flower so that it crumbles apart. Ivy shrieks with rage and attacks her, and the Scarecrow and Mad Hatter rush in to restrain her]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Miss Ivy, please! :'''Scarface''': You look beautiful when you're angry. :''[Ivy smacks the Ventriloquist in the face, and Scarface laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I used to believe Batman was responsible for you people. But now I see nearly everyone here would have ended up exactly the same, Batman or not. Oh, the gimmicks might be different, but you'd all be out there in some form or another bringing misery to Gotham. The truth is, ''you'' created ''him.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Well done, counsellor. You've proven that Batman ''didn't'' create us - that we, in fact, messed up our own rotten lives! And as we are so rotten, vile and depraved... we're going to waste you anyway! :''[The inmates cheer and close in on Batman and Janet]'' :'''Joker''': [[w:Porky Pig|A-bi-a-bi-a-bi, that's all, folks!]] ''[bangs down a rubber chicken]'' Let's mambo! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I see now there's a need for the things you do. But I'm still going to work towards a city that doesn't need Batman. :'''Batman''': ''[smiling]'' Me too. ===''Avatar'' [2.4]=== :'''Lucius Fox''': Without a doubt, this will be one of the best museum exhibitions Gotham City has ever seen. You can be quite the humanitarian on occasion, Bruce. It's commendable. It's inspiring. :'''Bruce''': It's deductible. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce''': You've got a serious priority problem, Ra's. What can be in that tomb that's more valuable than the love of your daughter? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Power, detective. The power once held by almighty Thoth-Khepera, Queen of Two Continents. :'''Bruce''': You surprise me, Ra's. The world's oldest chauvinist chasing after a woman? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Thoth-Khepera was not simply a woman, detective, nor merely a ruler. Through her flowed the power of the gods. With no more than a gesture, she controlled the force of life and death, and with it, she kept a nation under her thumb for one thousand years. :'''Bruce''': You sound like a bad Saturday afternoon serial, Ra's. This is sheer nonsense. :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': No, detective - I know there is a power there to be tapped! My six hundred years of life are proof of that power. :''[Bruce and Talia are trapped in a glass booth]'' :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Farewell, detective. Farewell, Talia. It is said that one finds one's immortality in one's offspring. Alas, I know that to be a lie. ===''House and Garden'' [2.5]=== :'''Batman''': She's done nothing more incriminating than return an overdue video - even paid the late fee. :'''Alfred''': Could it be Ivy truly has reformed? :'''Batman''': I want to believe it. Why can't I? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You haven't changed a bit. :'''Poison Ivy''': Yes, I have. I meant it when I said I wanted a family that loves me. I just wanted it on my terms. :'''Robin''': Lady, you're nuts! :'''Poison Ivy''': Well, that's ''your'' opinion. Probably the last one you'll ever have, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': I'm just sorry she got away. :'''Batman''': Me too, Robin. But I don't think we'll see her again anytime soon. :''[The real Ivy is shown escaping on a plane out of Gotham, looking through a scrapbook]'' :'''Batman''': Ivy lost everything she had, everything she said she ever wanted. For what it's worth, I believed her when she told me that for the first time in her life... she was happy. :''[Ivy sheds tears as she looks at a photo of her wedding]'' ===''The Terrible Trio'' [2.6]=== :'''Warren''': Is this all you do for kicks, Bruce? Charity work? :'''Bruce''': Well, I do have a night life. Pull! ''[shoots down a clay pigeon]'' Besides, it's important to help others. It may sound corny, but hey, it's how I feel. :'''Warren''': You must recognize that you are a superior animal, Bruce. A member of the elite. Pull! ''[shoots down another clay pigeon]'' Take my Delta brothers and me. Why, we've run with the bulls! :'''Armand''': Shot game from hot air balloons! :'''Gunther''': Killed a great white! :'''Warren''': We've done it all. Ah, therein lies the problem. After all, what do the rajas do when there are no more tigers to hunt? :'''Bruce''': I'm sure you'll think of something, Warren. ''[leaves]'' :'''Warren''': Dollar for dollar, that has to be the dullest man in Gotham City. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Scoundrels like these are worse than the Joker. At least he's got madness as an excuse! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Let's go, Fox. You've raided your last chicken coop. :'''Warren''': Wait, wait a minute! We can make a deal! A million dollars to let me go! ''Ten'' million! Think about it. Buys a lot of Batarangs! :'''Batman''': ''[unimpressed]'' Your money's no good here. :'''Warren''': Okay, fine! Go ahead, take me in, hero! I've got every judge in town in my pocket! You'll see! I'll get justice! The best that money can buy! :''[Next, Warren is seen being ushered into a cell at Stonegate, where his burly new cellmate gives him a menacing look]'' ===''Harlequinade'' [2.7]=== :'''Harley''': ''[in handcuffs]'' I sense a lack of trust. :'''Robin''': Are you sure you don't need help keeping Zippy under control? :''[Harley picks the lock on her cuffs while Batman speaks]'' :'''Batman''': I'm fine. Besides, I need you to be ready if Gordon's men get any leads. I'll signal if there's trouble. :'''Robin''': You got it. :'''Harley''': I wanna listen to the radio! ''[reaches for the controls]'' :'''Batman''': DON'T--! :''[Harley Quinn deploys a parachute, causing the Batmobile to swerve wildly. When the Batmobile stops, Batman is furious]'' :'''Harley''': ''[timidly]'' Oops... :'''Batman''': Listen, and listen good. You don't touch anything, say anything, or DO ANYTHING UNLESS I TELL YOU! GOT IT?! :'''Harley''': Yes, sir. :'''Batman''': ''[turns away, Harley begins making faces at him]'' So far, Joker hasn't been seen in any of his old hideouts. I want you to show me the last place he used when he escaped. ''[catches her making a face, which she replaces with a sheepish grin]'' :'''Harley''': Okay! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Instead of taking you, the cops, and the Batman down separately? I'm gonna blast you all at once! ''[takes out his phone and speaks into it]'' Send down the plane, boys! We're blowing town! Literally. ''[gets off the phone]'' :'''Mayor''': But all those innocent people... :'''Joker''': Some joke on them, eh? Think of it as the ultimate punchline! Ha ha ha ha ha! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': It's lucky you were here, Quinn. The countdown sequence didn't leave Joker enough time to swing by Arkham and pick you up. :'''Joker''': Quiet, brat. :'''Harley''': You ''were'' gonna come for me, weren't you, Puddin'? :'''Joker''': Of course, pumpkin-pie! It's just that... well, here you are, so I can, err, save myself the trip! :'''Harley''': But what about all our friends, Ivy and Two-Face and... Hat-Guy and Lizard-Man and Puppet-Head and-- ''[Joker shoves her into the plane]'' :'''Joker''': What about them? :'''Batman''': Don't forget your little pets! :'''Harley''': ''[gasps]'' The babies! We can't leave the babies! :'''Joker''': ''[shoves Harley into the plane again]'' I'll buy you a goldfish! Let's go! :'''Harley''': ''[struggling]'' NO! :'''Joker''': Why, you little...! :''[Harley kicks him in the face]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley''': ''[points the gun against Joker]'' Freeze, clown! :'''Batman''': Quinn, stop! :'''Harley''': He's mine, Bats! :'''Joker''': ''[grinning]'' You wouldn't dare. You don't have the guts! Not in a million years would you-- :''[Harley pulls the trigger - and a flag that reads "Rat-Tat-Tat" comes out of the barrel. The Joker stares at her for a moment, and throws his arms wide to embrace her]'' :'''Joker''': Baby, you're the greatest! ===''Time Out Of Joint'' [2.8]=== :'''Mayor Hill''': You! How did you get past-- :'''The Clock King''': Good evening, Mayor! Nice to see you again too. And whose life are you ruining now? A poor pensioner? A malnourished orphan, perhaps? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Hill''': Please, Fugate, don't hurt me! :'''The Clock King''': If it's any comfort, my revenge will encompass more than just you. I intend to pass a most timely sentence on the entire judicial system. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': It's a shame that you've decided to keep this device a secret. :'''Dr. Wataki''': It would seem that the world is not quite ready for it yet. :'''Robin''': Gee, that's too bad for Fugate. I'm sure he'll wish he had something to make the days pass quicker where he's going. ===''Catwalk'' [2.9]=== :'''Scarface''': Calm down, pussycat. We're all friends here. ''[to the Ventriloquist]'' Dummy, don't keep our pretty guest in the dark. :'''Ventriloquist''': Yes, sir, Mr. Scarface. ''[turns on the lot, revealing him and Scarface]'' :'''Scarface''': Ah, that's better. :'''Selina Kyle''': ''[gasps]'' You gotta be kidding! ''[laughs]'' :'''Scarface''': What's she laughin' at? My fly ain't open, is it?! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, sir. :'''Scarface''': So what's the gag? :'''Selina Kyle''': Oh come on, you know! ''[in a goofy voice]'' "What's the gag?" :'''Scarface''': ''[aims his gun at Selina]'' Can it, sister! This is Scarface you're dealing with, and I don't stand for no disrespect. :'''Ventriloquist''': I'd do as he says, ma'am. Mr. Scarface can be quite insistent. :'''Scarface''': I don't think anyone's talking to you! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, sir. No, sir. :'''Selina Kyle''': Right... so, what do you want with me? :'''Scarface''': My boys happened to be in the museum when they saw your little set-to with Miss Ronnie V. They also seen you licking your whiskers at the sight of Ronnie's pretty sparklers. :'''Selina Kyle''': You're boring me, log. :''[the Ventrloquist pulls out an envelope from his coat]'' :'''Scarface''': So what if I could provide you with a foolproof plan to snatchin' those rocks with no risk of you gettin' caught? :'''Selina Kyle''': Pass. Kitty's been staying it at night. It's not the greatest, but it beats the pound, if you know what I mean. :'''Scarface''': Now, that's a darn shame. And I thought for sure you'd want a chance to get even with the Vreelands. Not just for yourself, ya understand, but for all those poor little stuffed critters what never had the chance to fight back. :'''Selina Kyle''': Oh, barf. :'''Scarface''': It's a 50/50 cut. Take it or leave it? You in or what? :''[Selina thinks about it for a while then picks up the envelope]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': What a pleasant surprise. Though I should warn you - breaking and entering is against the law. :'''Batman''': You would know. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarface''': [[w:Tweety|I thawt I thaw a putty tat!]] <hr width="50%"/> :''[Catwoman crushes Scarface under some logs]'' :'''Catwoman''': That's one way to remove a splinter. What's wrong, Ventriloquist? Cat got your tongue? :'''Ventriloquist''': Please, I never hurt you! Scarface, he's another person, not me, really! :'''Catwoman''': But he's inside you somewhere. And I'm going to keep scratching until I find him. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': [[w:Just So Stories|I am the cat who walks by herself.]] ===''Bane'' [2.10]=== :'''Thorne''': You almost didn't get paid. You're lucky these diamonds didn't get nabbed in the smuggling bust. :'''[[w:Bane (comics)|Bane]]''': No, Mr. Thorne. You are the lucky one. ''[He punches the punching bag across the room]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': He wrecked my car, Alfred. Between two guys, that's ''real'' personal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bane''': Toys. You try to fight me with pathetic little TOYS. You've got nothing! Beg for mercy! SCREAM MY NAME! :'''Batman''': Never. :'''Bane''': You are beaten! Now I will break you! ===''Baby-Doll'' [2.11]=== :'''Robin''': ''[on "Love That Baby"]'' I remember this show from when I was a kid. It still stinks. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At Wayne Manor, Summer Gleeson is on the telephone talking to Marv Wolfman at her office.]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': I don't care what Mayor Hill says. The people have a right to know, and if he won't talk to us-- ''[Batman drops a photo of Baby-Doll onto her desk]'' I'll call you back, Marv. ''[to Batman and Robin]'' Since when are you interested in has-been actors? :'''Batman''': Since that one's been kidnapping her co-stars. :'''Summer Gleeson''': You're serious? :'''Robin''': She's been picking them off, one by one. Any reason she'd have a grudge? :'''Summer Gleeson''': Actually, ''they'' should hate ''her.'' Dahl put them all out of work when she quit the series to become a "dramatic" actress. :''[Summer plays a video of Mary Dahl playing Lady Macbeth]'' :'''Mary Dahl''': What, will these hands never be clean? Here's the smell of the blood still. All the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand. :'''Robin''': Pee-yew! :'''Summer Gleeson''': That's what the critics said. Baby's dramatic career flopped, and when she tried to start her TV show again, the networks turned her down. :'''Batman''': That still doesn't explain why she's after her old cast. :'''Robin''': ''[picks up a cassette]'' Maybe there's a clue in these old episodes. :'''Summer Gleeson''': You can borrow them if you want. And when you crack the case, you can pay me back with an exclusive... ''[turns to see that they have gone]'' interview. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': Naughty, naughty, Daddys! Mustn't yell at your Baby like thats. :'''Tod Baker''': You're not my daughter, and we're not a family! We're actors, remember?! You cancelled our show because you whined you weren't getting enough attention! :'''Baby-Doll''': ''[putting on a sad face]'' But I knows now I made a boo-boo! ''[sniffles and breaks character]'' It was hard for me out there. I studied and trained and auditioned, but no one wanted me. ''[plays the sound of a crowd going "Aww..." on her tape recorder]'' Over the years, I remembered how happy I was with all of you around me, and the folks at home watching me each week. Me, ''[goes back into her "cute" voice]'' Baby-Doll! ''[giggles]'' Now I'm Baby for good, and everyone will love me agains! Hugs, hugs! :''[Her goons force the actors to share a hug with her, and she plays the "Aww..." again]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': ''[watching episodes of Baby Doll's old TV show]'' Remember that time Poison Ivy nearly smothered us in those vines, with the ''really'' sharp thorns? :'''Batman''': Yes. :'''Robin''': This is worse. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': ''[after her TV brother is rendered unconscious by her bodyguard]'' Sorry I had to play roughs, Tippy. I didn't mean to. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': ''[Mariam kicks Robin around]'' Wow, lady! You're good! :'''Mariam''': It's a living... <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman pursues Baby-Doll in a funhouse tunnel maze]'' :'''Baby-Doll''': Silly Mr. Batman can't catch me! :'''Batman''': Don't run away! I know you're scared, confused - I can help you! :'''Baby-Doll''': Liar, liar, cape on fire! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': Game's over, Mr. Batman! ''[laughs]'' I WIN! ''[Batman fires his grappling gun, knocking the doll-gun down a slide]'' No fair! ''[runs to retrieve it, and stumbles into a room full of fun-house mirrors. Picks up the gun, wandering through the various distorted reflections, until she comes to one that shows her as an adult]'' Look! That's me in there. The ''real'' me! There I am... ''[touches the reflection, and her face changes]'' ...But it's not ''really'' real, is it? Just... made up and pretend, like my family and my life and everything else! ''[turns to face Batman, who stands behind her]'' '''''WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST LET ME MAKE-BELIEVE?!''''' ''[fires at mirrors, and cries after breaking the mirror with her adult reflection. Batman approaches her]'' I didn't ''mean'' to... ===''The Lion And The Unicorn'' [2.12]=== :''[Alfred breaks a chair over a thug's head.]'' :'''Robin''': And here all I thought you dusted was furniture. :'''Alfred''': A [[w:Louis XV|Louis Quinze]]; what a pity. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred Pennyworth''': ''[after being drugged with a truth serum]'' You'll get nothing but gibberish out of me, madam. I come from haunts of cootenfern and knicker sudden Sally. Uh... dee-dum dee-dum dee-dum dee-dum, and bicker down the valley. :'''Red Claw''': And people wonder why no one takes Britain seriously anymore. ===''Showdown'' [2.13]=== :'''Sheriff''': Well, well. Jonah Hex, his own bad self. Been here five minutes and you ain't killed nobody nor set nothin' on fire. Slippin', ain't you? :'''[[w:Jonah Hex|Jonah Hex]]''': I'm still a little bushed. :'''Sheriff''': Fact is, you look a little past it, Hex. Not tired, just all used up. :'''Hex''': Well, when I get pushed, I can still shoot a fly out from between its wings. Provided the light's right, of course... and it's a big ''plump'' fly. :''[The sheriff glances down at his own portly figure. Two other bargoers retreat outside, sensing trouble.]'' :'''Sheriff''': I ain't got nothin' on you, Hex... yet. Just remember, them wanted posters say "dead or alive". You might try "alive" this time. :'''Hex''': First time for everything. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duvall''': It would appear we have ourselves a government spy. A rather disreputable-looking one at that. Well, Mr. Spy, I'd say your plan has failed, and the railroad is doomed. :'''Hex''': I ain't no spy! I'm Jonah Hex, and I don't give a tinker's cuss about no railroad. I've come to get ''you'', Arkady Duvall, on account of what you done to that girl back east. :'''Duvall''': ''[chuckles]'' You mean to say, you've tracked me across ''twelve states'' because of that? :'''Hex''': Well, there's also the matter of a 200 dollar reward. That part don't hurt my feelings none. :'''Duvall''': You're either a liar or a fool. :'''Hex''': I've been known to be foolish, but ain't ''nobody'' calls me a liar and goes to bed happy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hex''': Now! Let's you and me dance. :'''Duvall''': You cannot defeat me. I am a Heidelberg fencing champion. :'''Hex''': My heart's all a-flutter. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duvall''': Five thousand in gold, take it. Leave me be. :'''Hex''': It ain't about money, boy. It's about justice. And I aim to serve you some. :'''Duvall''': Let me live, please! :'''Hex''': I will. Only because it's too much trouble to haul your stinkin' carcass back east. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You left Duvall to his fate a century ago. Why come back for him now? :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Did you really think, detective, that in my six hundred years of life, I would have sired only ''one'' offspring? Even before the Phoenix debacle, I had come to realize that Arkady was too unbalanced and cruel to wisely rule my empire. :'''Batman''': But you couldn't forget about him. :'''Ra's al Ghul''': What father can ever forget his son? Come now, detective, I've still a few good years left. We will cross swords another day. But for now, let me take my boy home. ===''Riddler's Reform'' [2.14]=== :''[After learning about the theft of historical antiquities on TV]'' :'''Riddler''': ''[in Bruce's memory]'' Those are things of the past, Batman. Ancient history that's gone now. I'm a new man! But you probably won't figure that out before it's too late! ''[laughs]'' :'''Bruce''': ''He'' did it. :'''Dick''': Who? :'''Bruce''': The Riddler. Remember what he said: "Things of the past." "Ancient history that's gone now." Look! :'''Dick''': Gee, I don't know. His riddles aren't usually that subtle. Besides, he's got a multimillion dollar deal with that toy company. Why would he throw it away over some stupid riddle crime? :'''Bruce''': Because that's the way his warped mind works. He's obsessed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': He's right, you know. :'''Manny''': Who? :'''Riddler''': Batman. He ''is'' going to catch me, sooner or later. :'''Manny''': Gee, boss, you're scaring me. You're talking kinda crazy. :'''Riddler''': DON'T YOU ''EVER'' CALL ME THAT! I fooled the police, the doctors, the Parole Board - all of them! There's only one person who's ever been able to challenge me: ''BATMAN!'' He's the only one worthy of the game! :'''Manny''': But you said sooner or later he's gonna catch you. What are you gonna do? :'''Riddler''': I'm never going back to Arkham! So I guess there's only one thing to do! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': Hello, Batman. This is it: the end of the game. I'm a little sad actually. You were a worthy opponent. But then, I told you I'd make a ''killing'' at the Toy Fair! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': ''[ranting in a cell in Arkham]'' It's IMPOSSIBLE, I tell you! Impossible! My trap was perfect! How did he do it?! I have to know! SOMEBODY TELL ME! IT'S NOT FAIR! THERE WAS NO WAY, I TELL YOU! NO WAY HE COULD HAVE GOTTEN OUT! SOMEBODY TELL ME! DO YOU HEAR ME?! SOMEBODY TELL ME HOW HE DID IT! I HAVE TO KNOW! '''''I HAVE TO KNOOOOOOOOOW!!!''''' ===''Second Chance'' [2.15]=== :'''Penguin''': And what might ''you'' be doing out there? Catching insects for dinner? :'''Batman''': I'm looking for Two-Face. :'''Penguin''': What, did you lose him? ''[chuckles]'' :'''Batman''': Somebody kidnapped him from Gotham Central tonight. You and he had a disagreement sometime ago, didn't you? :'''Penguin''': It's true. Harvey stole a rare ''avis'' right out from under my beak several months ago. A jewel-encrusted statuette of a two-headed [[w:roc (mythology)|roc]]. It was worth millions. But, my dear rodent, I'd never kidnap a fellow rogue out of his sickbed. It just isn't done. :'''Batman''': Honour among thieves? :'''Penguin''': Absolutely. If I were going to attack Harvey, I'd do it face to face... to face, heh, so to speak. Like THIS! ''[laughs and unleashes his birds on Batman]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You may as well come out. I know everything now. :''[A man emerges, his identity obscured by shadows]'' :'''Batman''': You hated Harvey Dent, and would do anything to destroy him. :''[Lightning flashes, revealing the man to be Two-Face himself]'' :'''Two-Face''': Why not? He was going to destroy me. Just like I'm going to destroy you! ''[attacks him]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Harvey, pull yourself up! :'''Harvey''': I can't! I'll drop the coin! :'''Batman''': Drop it! Save yourself! :'''Harvey''': I... I don't know what to do. The coin won't tell me! :'''Batman''': It can't tell you anything! I switched coins when you grabbed me! :'''Robin''': ''[swings and kicks the thugs out of Batman's way]'' Good thing I decided to tag along after all. :'''Batman''': It's a trick coin! It'll always land on edge! It's ''your'' decision now, Harvey! Life or death? The coin or me? :''[Robin threw the batarang to hit the elevator button to send the thug in an elevator, thunderstruck and Harvey/Two-Face decided to drops the coin]'' :'''Harvey''': Batman, help me. :''[Batman tries to give Harvey a hand, but Two-Face suddenly regains control]'' :'''Two-Face''': Never! ''[punches Batman and falls]'' :'''Batman''': ''HARVEY!!!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harvey''': ''[seen in half-shadow, making him appear to once again be Harvey Dent instead of Two-Face]'' Bruce? Good old Bruce. Always there. You never give up on me. :''[Bruce Wayne smiles and pats Harvey's shoulder before he is escorted away]'' :'''Dick''': He's right. You're always there for him. :'''Bruce''': Yes, just like you're always there for me. :'''Dick''': Hey, what are friends for? ===''Harley's Holiday'' [2.16]=== :'''Scarecrow''': I am the Master of Fear! The Lord of Despair! Cower before me in witless terror! :'''Harley''': Hi, Professor Crane! :'''Scarecrow''': ''[Smiling fondly]'' Good evening, child. ''[To Batman and Robin, furiously]'' Worship me, you fools! Worship me! Scream hosannas of anguish to Scarecrow, the all-terrible God of Fear! ''[Guards take him away]'' :'''Robin''': I think he's getting better. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley''': I'm having a BAD DAY! I'm sick of people trying to shoot me, run me over and blow me up! I didn't even get to keep my new dress - I ACTUALLY PAID FOR IT! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman and Robin take Harley back to Arkham]'' :'''Harley''': ''[sadly]'' [[w:To market, to market|Home again, home again, diggity dig...]] :'''Dr. Joan Leland''': Not for too long, though. Ms. Vreeland dropped the kidnapping charges. With a little more hard work, you should be ready to re-enter society for good. :'''Harley''': Yay... ''[to Batman]'' There's one thing I've gotta know. Why'd you stay with me all day, risking your butt for someone who's never given you anything but trouble? :'''Batman''': I know what it's like to try and rebuild a life. ''[takes her dress out of a bag]'' I had a bad day too, once. :'''Harley''': ''[takes the dress, smiling]'' Nice guys like you shouldn't have bad days. ===''Lock-Up'' [2.17]=== :'''Scarecrow''': Don't take me back there, please! Look at me, Batman! I'm shaking with fear! Me! The Scarecrow! I wasn't even going back to crime this time! I just had to get away from... HIM! :'''[[w:Lock-Up (comics)|Lyle Bolton]]''': I'll take it from here, Batman. Lyle Bolton, Chief of security. Congratulations, Professor Crane. You're the first inmate to escape Arkham under my charge. ''[He grabs Crane by the collar; Crane whimpers]'' You're also the last. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bartholomew''': Miss Quinn? Do you have any complaints against Mr. Bolton? :''[Lyle Bolton sneers threateningly at Harley Quinn]'': :'''Harley Quinn''': I got nothing to say. :'''Bartholomew''': But surely you must have something you wish to- :'''Harley Quinn''': You got a hearing problem or something?! NO! NADA! IXNAY! ZERO! ZILCH! BUPKES! NOTHING! OKAY?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': He threatens us! Takes away our privileges, even when we're good! :'''[[w:Lock-Up (comics)|Lyle Bolton]]''': We've heard enough of this nonsense. :'''Jonathon Crane''': He says scum like us must be kept in line! That's why he chains us down at night and electrifies our doors! :'''Scarface''': He held me over a can filled with a termites! Ya hear me?! ''TERMITES!'' :'''Harley Quinn''': He's an animal! :'''Ventriloquist''': A monster! :'''Jonathon Crane''': Keep him away! :'''Lyle Bolton''': '''SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU!''' :''[The guards retrain Lyle Bolton, he kicks the table, resists the guards and attack and them; he threatens to kill the inmates, and Bruce Wayne trips him with the chair]'' :'''Lyle Bolton''': You're all scum! You should be beaten within an inch of your misbegotten lives! :'''Bartholomew''': I've seen enough! ''[pounds the gravel]'' Lyle Bolton, you're dismissed! :'''Lyle Bolton''': Before I came here, Arkham was a revolving door for every maniac in Gotham. ''I'' kept them in! '''ME!''' Now I realize I was wrong to punish those pathetic miscreants! '''THEY'RE ONLY SYMPTOMS! ''YOU'RE'' THE CAUSE! THE GUTLESS POLICE, MINDLESS BUREAUCRATS, AND CODDLING DOCTORS! YOU SHOULD ALL BE LOCKED UP IN A CAGE WITHOUT A KEY!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lock Up''': I could have rid Gotham of the fools in city hall and the police department! We could have made our own order! :'''Batman''': I was born to fight your brand of order! :'''Lock Up''': If that's your decision...! ===''Make 'Em Laugh'' [2.18]=== :'''Dispatcher''': Disturbance reported at the top of the Crown restaurant. Suspect is a male costumed extremist armed with what appears to be a... ketchup gun. :'''Batman''': It's going to be one of those nights. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Condiment King''': So long, suckers! Parting is such "sweet-and-sour" sorrow. ''[Batman yanks away his loot bag]'' What's this? Ah! The big bad Bat-guy. I knew you'd "ketchup" to me sooner or later. How I've "relished" this meeting. You, the dynamic Dark Knight, versus me, the conceptual Condiment King! Come, Batman. Let's see if you can "cut the mustard". :'''Batman''': Quiet! ''[punches the King in the stomach]'' :'''Condiment King''': ''[slumps to ground, gasping]'' You hit me! :'''Batman''': Now listen, Mustard Man, or whatever you call yourself. You're obviously new at this, so I'm willing to go easy on you, provided you give back the loot and never even think about doing this again. Deal? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Buddy's agent''': I don't get it. Buddy's just thrown his entire career away. The network's cancelling his show and the restaurant's suing him for a million dollars. Why did he do it? It just doesn't make sense. ===''Deep Freeze'' [2.19]=== :'''Batman''': Men like Walker are obsessed with getting their own way. And they don't let little things like the ''law'' stop them. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grant Walker''': Do you realize that in your half-frozen state, you will age more slowly than an ordinary human? You're practically immortal, my friend! :'''Mr. Freeze''': Yes, eternal life trapped in this wretched shell! What a miserable joke. :'''Grant Walker''': Miserable to you, but a godsend to me. Look at me, Mr. Freeze, I'm an old man. I've created wonders in my lifetime, but there is still so much to do! I want to change as you have. To become, like you, a being of blessed, eternal cold. :'''Mr. Freeze''': You're insane. :'''Grant Walker''': Only you know how to duplicate the accident that made you what you are. What I long to become! :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[grabs him]'' You want to live like this? Abandoned and alone? A prisoner in a world you can see but never touch? ''[drops him and turns away]'' Old and infirm as you are, I'd trade a thousand of my frozen years for your worst day. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grant Walker''': Every time I open a park, I get gatecrashers. :'''Batman''': We've seen your insane vision of the future, Walker. :'''Grant Walker''': My world will have no crime, violence or pain. :'''Robin''': You can add free will to that list too! :'''Grant Walker''': A small price to pay for order. :'''Batman''': ''Your'' order! For your select few! :'''Grant Walker''': Excuse me, but I fail to see the problem with that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You can't let Walker do this. Billions of people will perish! :'''Mr. Freeze''': That's not my concern. All that matters is I once again have my wife, and the means to restore her. :'''Batman''': She'll wake up in a dead, frozen world that ''you'' helped destroy. She'll ''hate'' you for that! :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''Silence.'' :'''Batman''': You think you're alone now? Wait until she learns the truth. :'''Mr. Freeze''': '''I SAID ''SILENCE!''''' ''[blasts at Batman and Robin, knocking them backward, then turns back to Nora with a saddened face]'' Forgive me... ''[frees Batman and Robin]'' Come, there is much to do. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Dick recovers from hypothermia]'' :'''Dick''': Man, if I spent any more time in that immersion tank, I'd be growing gills. :'''Bruce''': I'm just glad I was able to get you back here in time. :'''Dick''': Thanks. For a while I thought I'd end up like Walker, trapped in a ice cube forever. What about Mr. Freeze? Do you think he's gone for good? :'''Bruce''': I'm not sure. But if Freeze's condition has made him truly immortal... we may not have seen the last of him. ===''Batgirl Returns'' [2.20]=== :'''Catwoman''': Bats are just mice with wings, little girl. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Batgirl|Batgirl]]''': So, what are you going to do? Leave us over one of these vats with acid burning through the rope? :'''Daggett''': ''[Laughs]'' If there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's that you crime-fighting types are very resourceful. So, I'll just have my men shoot you and throw your bodies in the vats. == About ''{{PAGENAME}}'' == *'''PD''': If I had to differentiate between [Batman and Superman], I'd say Superman is sort of about hope. You've got this guy who's an alien and not truly human, but he personifies all the best qualities of humanity. He's sort of an example of what it would be nice to be like. We would all like to be like Superman. We would all like to have power, compassion, the ability to settle problems in a good way, and maybe [be able to] wink to ourselves about how nobody else besides us knows we really have this secret power and we keep it ourselves. There's not a lot of angst with Superman. If there is, it's more like, "I wish I could tell Lois who I really was." Batman is how you'd like to be if you [could] break someone's neck: "I'm pissed off, and I want to go out and do something about it." Superman waits for trouble to happen, and then he goes off and stops the problem. Batman's looking for trouble; he doesn't really start it, but he's out there looking. And if he sees something going on, he just jumps into the middle of it. :'''JA''': Batman's sort of a sociopath too. :'''PD''': He's absolutely a sociopath. He's a sociopath with a lot of money, and he's got a sense of right and wrong. I don't think he's totally bereft of some sort of compassion or feeling for some of the villains. He doesn't go after somebody like Mr. Freeze without a small bit of compassion for the man, or maybe someone like the Mad Hatter, or even Harley, whom he thinks is certainly a pain in the ass, but I think he kind of wishes she'd get her act together and wise up at some point. <br> But with darker characters like the Scarecrow and the Joker, he's basically out to make sure they never get out again - whatever it takes to take them down. Somebody like the Joker is probably the least human of all of Batman's Rogues Gallery. That was why I never wanted to do a story that humanizes the Joker, like we did with the Mad Hatter or Mr. Freeze, because I just don't think the character lends itself to that. He's almost supernatural in a way; he's somebody who's just thoroughly insane, who does what he wants to do, and who has a grudge against Batman. He probably likes horrifying people with his clownish appearance as much as Batman terrorizes criminals with his nightmare-like appearance. The Joker is pretty inhuman. I'd say the same thing about the Scarecrow. He is someone who really gets turned on by scaring people. He's like the anti-Batman. He's a weak, very unimposing man until he puts on the Scarecrow costume, and then goes out and gasses people with fear gas, and he watches them squirm. There's probably a big turn-on seeing people helpless in front of him screaming in fear. *'''PD''': When [[w:Tim Burton|Tim Burton]]'s ''[[Batman (1989 film)|Batman]]'' came out, that was the way to go. Now [[w:Joel Schumacher|Joel Schumacher]]'s [[Batman Forever|Batman]] is out there, and people are flocking to the movies, so they"re saying, "Can you lighten up the show a little bit? Can you have more fun with it?" So that's what we were charged with doing, and that's what we've done: to lighten up the color palette a little bit, so that every character's not just in dark colors. Robin, for instance, is now black, red, and gold, instead of green. Nightwing is black and a light, almost iridescent, blue. We've also given it a little more of a kid-friendly look. :* [[w:Paul Dini|Paul Dini]], [http://animationarena.com/batman_the_animated_series.html "Batman: The Animated Series"], ''Animation Arena''. * The thing with the Batman show—even though it's one of the most beautiful and well-written shows, and it really gets into Batman—is that it doesn't really move that fast. The fight scenes aren't that intense, and it doesn't really go actiony. There's a lot of walking and talking in it. It looks great, but it needs that kick of having action. And I think that's another thing that kids are picking up on: For the first time, you're actually seeing superheroes really fight bad guys. In a lot of the cartoons when I was growing up, like [[w:Super Friends|Super Friends]], there was no fighting of bad guys. They would just get sent off to jail. It was wacky, it was silly, it wasn't intense, and there wasn't real fighting and stuff in it. ** [[w:Craig McCracken|Craig McCracken]] [http://www.avclub.com/article/the-powerpuff-girls-13665 "The Powerpuff Girls"], Keith Phipps, ''A.V.Club'', Jun 21, 2000. == Cast == * [[Kevin Conroy]] - [[w:Batman|Bruce Wayne/Batman]] * [[w:Loren Lester|Loren Lester]] - [[w:Dick Grayson|Dick Grayson/Robin]] * [[w:Melissa Gilbert|Melissa Gilbert]] - [[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara Gordon/Batgirl]] * [[w:Clive Revill|Clive Revill]]/[[w:Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.|Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.]] - [[w:Alfred Pennyworth|Alfred Pennyworth]] * [[w:Bob Hastings|Bob Hastings]] - [[w:James Gordon (comics)|Commissioner James Gordon]] * [[w:Robert Costanzo|Robert Costanzo]] - [[w:Harvey Bullock (comics)|Detective Harvey Bullock]] * [[w:Ingrid Oliu|Ingrid Oliu]]/Liane Schirmer - [[w:Renee Montoya|Officer Renee Montoya]] * [[Mark Hamill]] - [[w:The Joker (comics)|The Joker]] * [[w:Arleen Sorkin|Arleen Sorkin]] - [[w:Harley Quinn|Dr. Harleen Quinzel/Harley Quinn]] * [[Paul Williams (songwriter)|Paul Williams]] - [[w:Penguin (comics)|Oswald Cobblepot/The Penguin]] * [[Adrienne Barbeau]] - [[w:Catwoman|Selina Kyle/Catwoman]] * [[w:John Glover (actor)|John Glover]] - [[w:Riddler|Edward Nygma/The Riddler]] * [[w:Richard Moll|Richard Moll]] - [[w:Two-Face (comics)|Harvey Dent/Two-Face]] * [[w:George Dzundza|George Dzundza]] - [[w:The Ventriloquist (comics)|Arnold Wesker/The Ventriloquist/Scarface]] * [[w:Henry Silva|Henry Silva]] - [[w:Bane (comics)|Bane]] * [[w:Aron Kincaid|Aron Kincaid]] - [[w:Killer Croc|Killer Croc]] * [[w:Marc Singer|Marc Singer]] - [[w:Man-Bat|Dr. Kirk Langstrom/Man-Bat]] * [[w:Ron Perlman|Ron Perlman]] - [[w:Clayface|Matt Hagen/Clayface]] * [[w:Diane Pershing|Diane Pershing]] - [[w:Poison Ivy (comics)|Dr. Pamela Isley/Poison Ivy]] * [[w:Henry Polic II|Henry Polic II]] - [[w:Scarecrow (DC comics)|Dr. Jonathan Crane/The Scarecrow]] * [[w:Roddy McDowall|Roddy McDowall]] - [[w:Mad Hatter|Dr. Jervis Tetch/The Mad Hatter]] * [[w:Michael Ansara|Michael Ansara]] - [[w:Mr. Freeze|Dr. Victor Freeze/Mr. Freeze]] * [[David Warner (actor)|David Warner]] - [[w:Ra's al Ghul|Ra's al Ghul]] ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} {{Batman}} [[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated superhero TV shows]] [[Category:Animated Batman TV shows]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Animated television programs based on Detective Comics]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Fox Broadcasting Company animated television series]] [[Category:Television series by Warner Bros. Animation]] jl0bggqgmib97wk92f28dwind270kgc 3778923 3778919 2025-07-14T22:47:22Z 2A00:23C7:8583:8901:5157:8FC5:8DBF:8C56 /* Feat Of Clay Part 2 [1.21] */ 3778923 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Batman-_The_Animated_Series_logo.svg|thumb|I am [[vengeance]]. I am the [[night]]. I am, '''[[Batman|BATMAN]]'''!]] {{italic title}} '''''[[W:Batman: The Animated Series|Batman: The Animated Series]]''''' is an American animated superhero television series based on the [[DC Comics]] superhero Batman. It was succeeded by ''[[The Adventures of Batman & Robin]]'' and ''[[The New Batman Adventures]]''; the first production in the [[w:DC Animated Universe|DC Animated Universe]]. ==Season 1== ===''On Leather Wings'' [1.1]=== :'''Batman''': ''[reading the paper]'' "Gotham Police Declare War on Batman"? :'''Alfred''': I gather you've been reading ''[[w:How to Win Friends and Influence People|How to Make Friends and Influence People]]''? :'''Batman''': Somebody's setting me up. :'''Alfred''': My heavens. You mean it ''wasn't'' you tossing guards out of windows last night? :'''Batman''': ''[amused]'' I only toss butlers, Alfred. <hr width='50%'/> :'''[[w:Rene Auberjonois|Dr. March]]''': You donate a few million, and you think you own the place. I understand I'm to analyse something for you? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Yeah, doc. See, I keep hearing squeaks in my chimney, and I found these in my empty fireplace. They look like hairs. I thought maybe you could tell me if I have a bat problem. :'''Dr. March''': And what if they are bats, Mr. Wayne? What then? Destroy them like insects? We won't survive the next evolutionary cataclysm, but bats will! They're survivors, Mr. Wayne, not pests! You should understand that! <hr width='50%'/> :'''Dr. Kirk Langstrom''': ''[enters laboratory upon hearing noises]'' Who's back there? ''[spots Batman]'' You...! :'''Batman''': I'm looking for Dr. March. :'''Langstrom''' He's not here, Batman. :'''Batman''': Where is he? :'''Langstrom''': Giving a lecture on human extinction and bat evolution. He's really quite brilliant. :'''Batman''': He's misguided, and a thief. ''[holds up a vial of the serum]'' :'''Langstrom''': He's just a theorist, he was afraid to put it to the test. But I wasn't. I knew he'd discovered a formula to create a totally new species, neither man nor bat. And once I started taking it, I couldn't stop. I desperately wanted to, but... ''it'' took over. Francine and March tried to protect me, but it was too late. The beast knew what chemicals were needed to bring itself about! It was out of my control! And it only needs one more component to complete the process! ''[voice lowering]'' It's in ''ME'', Batman! ''[laughs maniacally and begins to change into Man-Bat]'' <hr width='50%'/> :'''Bullock''': Let's go! :'''Lieutenant''': I can’t do it, sir! :'''Bullock''': Whaddaya mean "you can’t do it"?! :'''Lieutenant''': I just got word not to let you up without the Commissioner! :'''Bullock''': Who told you that?! :'''Lieutenant''': The Commissioner! ''[points at Gordon as he arrives]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Get out, Detective! The Mayor may not let me fire you, but I am ''not'' taking the heat for your fiasco! :'''Bullock''': This is my case, Commissioner! You heard the Mayor! :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Then why don't you go take it up with him?! I've got a job to do! If you wanna tag along, fine! ''[gets into the helicopter]'' Take her up, Lieutenant! :'''Bullock''': ''[trying to clamber in as it takes off]'' Hey! Wait for me! ===''Christmas With The Joker'' [1.2]=== :''[the Arkham Asylum inmates practice signing Jingle Bells as other inmates set up a giant Christmas tree]'' :'''Joker''': Jingle bells! Batman smells! Robin laid an egg! ''[gets a tree-topper and climbs to install it]'' The Batmobile lost a wheel and the Jo-ker got a-wa-a-a-ay! ''[attaches the ornament and the Christmas Tree ignites, revealed as a rocket. Joker clambers at it launches]'' Crashing through the roof! In a one-horse-open tree! Busting out I go! Laughing all the WHEEEEE! ''[the "rocket-tree" flies off into the distance as he sings]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the Christmas with the Joker show]'' :'''Joker''': Rumor has it, Christmas is a time to share with family. :'''Laugh track''': Yea! :'''Joker''': And since I don't have one of my own... :'''Laugh track''': Aww... :'''Joker''': I decided to STEAL one! :'''Laugh track''': Yea! :'''Joker''': And here they are: The Awful Lawful Family! ''[lights turn on and reveal Gordon, Summer, and Bullock tied up and gagged]'' Aren't they just the cutest family you've ever seen? :'''Batman''': ''[watching in the Batmobile]'' It's never easy with the Joker. :'''Joker''': Meet Daddy Lawful! ''[ungags Gordon]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': YOU DISEASED MANIAC! I'LL- ''[Joker gags him again]'' :'''Joker''': Hmm. Looks like I'll have to teach Daddy some manners. And here's Mommy Lawful! ''[ungags Summer]'' :'''Summer Gleason''': HELP! SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP US- ''[Joker gags her again]'' :'''Joker''': Ho ho ho, isn't she jolly? And here we have little Baby Lawful! Coochie coochie coo! ''[ungags Bullock]'' :'''Detective Bullock''': WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, I'LL RIP YOUR- ''[Joker gags him again]'' :'''Joker''': I'll bet Batman wishes he had a family just like mine. Personally I think relatives are a bore, so Batman can have them... ''[points to clock showing 10:30PM] if'' he can find them by midnight! Otherwise... ''[makes a throat-slashing motion and laughs]'' ===''Nothing To Fear'' [1.3]=== :''[Bruce is introduced to Dr. Long and he offers a handshake]'' :'''Dr. Long''': ''[looks at hand and pouts off]'' Your father and I attended university together. He had big plans for you. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Well, I guess he'd be pleased. Wayne Industries is more prosperous than ever. :'''Dr. Long''': Pleased? When your father was alive, Wayne was a name that commanded great respect. Now all Wayne stands for is a self-centered jet-setting playboy. It's lucky your father didn't live to see what you've done to his good name. He'd have died of shame. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Scarecrow sprays a security guard with gas]'' :'''Guard''': Stop! What the-- No! No, spiders! Get them offa me! No! NO! ''[cowers in fear]'' :'''Anthony''': What did you do to him, boss? :'''[[w:Scarecrow (DC Comics)|Scarecrow]]''': I merely helped him visualize his innermost terror, which is obviously [[w:arachnophobia|arachnophobia]]. :'''Nigel''': A-whack-a-what? :'''Scarecrow''': Arachnophobia! Fear of spiders, you dimwitted dropout! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': It seems I have underestimated the Batman, but at least the University is finished. :'''Anthony''': Gee, boss, I never liked school, but, uh, how come you hate the university so much? :'''Scarecrow''': They tried to destroy me. :'''Nigel''': You mean they kicked you out 'cause you weren't smart enough? :'''Scarecrow''': No, you simpleton! ''[pinches Nigel's broken nose]'' :'''Nigel''': Ow! :'''Scarecrow''': I taught there. I was a professor of psychology, specializing in phobias. Inducing terror has always intrigued me. Even as a boy, I loved to frighten things. People, animals, it was all the same. I became obsessed with fear's crippling power. Later, when I became their leading Professor of Subliminal Psychology at the University, I began performing experiments on fear and its subsequent effects. Dr. Long thought I went too far - he called me a lunatic. So now, they will learn the true nature of horror! :'''Anthony''': ''[to Nigel]'' Wow, he's a real professor. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman has been exposed to Scarecrow's fear toxin]'' :'''Thomas Wayne''': Bruce... :'''Batman''': No... not now... :'''Thomas Wayne''': You are a disgrace! ''[turns into the [[w:Grim Reaper|Grim Reaper]]]'' :'''Batman''': No... You are NOT my father. I am NOT a disgrace! I am vengeance, I am the night. I...AM...'''BATMAN!''' ===''The Last Laugh'' [1.4]=== :'''Summer Gleeson''': I'm here in Downtown Gotham where corporate CEOs have gone stark, raving mad. It would appear that the collapse of the stock market is now imminent. The question is: Will [[April Fools' Day]] mark the end of Gotham City as we know it? :'''Joker''': The only things gaining now are the laughing stocks! ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[After trapping Batman in a sealed garbage can]'' :'''Joker''': I just love these new Ziploc seals! We wouldn't want our little caged rodent to suffocate, so we'll just ''[draws a knife]'' PUNCH SOME AIRHOLES! ''[laughing, he stabs holes in the can, with Batman being forced to dodge each one]'' Okay, Captain! Give 'er the old heave-ho! ''[Captain Clown salutes and throws the can into the river, where it starts to flood and sink]'' Oops! Looks like our airholes are waterholes too! ''[smirking at the viewer]'' What a shame! ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Justice is served hot, Batman! You're going to melt just like a grilled-cheese sandwich! :''[The Joker tries to send Batman falling into the furnace with a cascade of garbage, but Batman escapes and swings to safety on his grappling hook]'' :'''Batman''': Justice ''will'' be served, Joker. :'''Joker''': Service with a SMILE?! ''[tosses a razor card at Batman, who dodges it just in time]'' :'''Batman''': Clean up your act, Joker. :'''Joker''': Oh, that's a joke, right? Batman finally told a joke! ''[laughing, the Joker draws another card and flings it, but Batman catches it with a smirk. With a gasp of shock, the Joker tries to flee, but gets his food caught on a cable and he ends up dangling over the furnace]'' BATMAN! YOU WOULDN'T LET ME FRY, WOULD YOU?! ''[Batman leans on the railing, pretending to consider it] '''BATMAN!''' [Batman pulls him up]'' ===''Pretty Poison'' [1.5]=== :'''Dent''': So, what do you think? :'''Bruce''': Does she have a sister? :'''Dent''': Nope. Pam's one of a kind. That's why I asked her to marry me. :'''Bruce''': ''[spits out his water upon hearing this]'' WHAT?! :'''Dent''': Yup, that's the page one headline. Hey... is it starting to get warm? :'''Bruce''': You're still flushed from that last kiss. Harvey, you just met her last week! :'''Dent''': And I already know she's the one. Gosh, it's hot in here... :'''Bruce''': Marriage is a major step, Harvs. Don't you think you're rushing it? :'''Dent''': No way. The moment I laid eyes on Pam, her love hit me right in the face. ''[falls right into the food he ordered]'' :'''Bruce''': ''[laughs]'' Harvey, you've lost your mind. Knock it off. ''[sees him unresponsive]'' Harv? Harvey! ''[Later sees Harvey carried into an ambulance and climbs inside]'' Hang on, Harvey. Hang on. <hr width=50%"/> :'''Bullock''': So what'd you put in this mousse?! :'''Chef''': Chocolate, sugar, eggs, cream... :'''Bullock''': STRYCHNINE?! :'''Chef''': No, no, no strychnine. But I added just a pinch of vanilla. :'''Bullock''': ''[turns to a waiter, frustrated]'' You know who did it?! TALK! :'''Waiter''': Hey, I just clean the dishes, okay? <hr width=50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[chuckles]'' Batman! A late night rendezvous? To what do I owe the honor? :'''Batman''': ''[struggling against Ivy's giant flytrap]'' Harvey Dent! :'''Poison Ivy''': Oh, the poor district attorney. I hear he's not expected to live. Oh, it's so sad... ''[feigns crying, which quickly turns to insane laughter]'' :'''Batman''': Why, Isley? :'''Poison Ivy''': Oh, please, call me Poison Ivy. You see, Harvey had to pay for his crime. :'''Batman''': What crime? :'''Poison Ivy''': Why, murder, of course! Plowing up a field of beautiful wildflowers for that silly penitentiary of his. This little rose would be extinct today if I hadn't saved my precious from those horrible bulldozers! The blood of those flowers are on his hands! ''[calms down after her tantrum]'' So his fate was sealed ''[applies lipstick]'' ...with a kiss. And now, so is yours. ''[Ivy's plant holds Batman still as she kisses him; he tries to spit away the poison]'' Oh, what's wrong? Afraid I have cooties? ''[laughs]'' Oh, now you've gone and hurt my feelings. Too bad. I was going to share the antidote with you. ''[opens a bottle and waves it under his nose]'' Lovely fragrance, don't you think? ''[applies a drop to her face]'' I call it "Rose From the Dead". <hr width=50%"/> :''[In a cell in Arkham]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': They can bury me in the ground, as deep as they like. But I'll grow back. ''[to her rose]'' We ''always'' grow back. Don't we, baby? ===''The Underdwellers'' [1.6]=== :'''Sewer King''': Lesson number one is: NOOOOO TAAAALKING! Children are to be seen and not heard. We are the Underdwellers. We are the silent ones. We follow the invisible creed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sewer King''': Frog! The rolls, if you please. :''[Another boy nervously steps over with them; the Sewer King grabs his wrist angrily]'' :'''Sewer King''': You're not Frog! Where is he?! He's not here! ''[smacks the bowl of rolls away]'' NOT HERE! And after all I've done for you ungrateful little monsters! I took you in when nobody else would have you! It is I who care for you! I who provide for you! And only I WHO KNOWS WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU! Would you rather I sent you back into the light? Back to those who hurt you, and sent you away? :''[The children tearfully shake their heads; the Sewer King pushes the dinner table over with a loud crash]'' :'''Sewer King''': THERE WILL BE NOTHING TO EAT UNTIL FROG IS FOUND! NOW OUT WITH YOU! ''OUT WITH YOU!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I don't know what kind of barbarian did this to you, but it's over. And from now on, you'll be treated like human beings. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sewer King''': ''[clapping]'' Bravo. Bravo. You've caused me great distress, you evil bat, yes, yes, yes, you have! You've hurt my pretty pets, and you've frightened my beloved children! :'''Batman''': ''[incredulous and disgusted]'' "Beloved children"?! :'''Sewer King''': Yes! I feed them, I clothe them, I discipline them, and I teach them a trade! And now, I will teach ''you'' something! :''[He stamps on Batman's hands, but Batman swings under the pipe and kicks him from behind, causing him to fall off]'' :'''Batman''': Grab my hand! :'''Sewer King''': ''NEVER!'' :''[He falls into the water, where the alligators close in and seemingly devour him]'' :'''Batman''': A gruesome fate for a gruesome man. :''[He hears the Sewer King laughing, and sees him with the alligators, unharmed]'' :'''Sewer King''': I rather enjoyed it! I told you, they're my pretties! ''[pets one, laughing]'' Have a nice swim! :''[Batman swings over to chase him, narrowly missing the alligators' jaws]'' :'''Batman''': Later. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman pulls the Sewer King out of the way of an oncoming train]'' :'''Sewer King''': Why? Why?! ''Why?!'' :'''Batman''': ''[seething with anger]'' I don't pass sentence. That's for the courts. But this time - ''this time'' - I am ''sorely tempted'' to do the job myself! ===''P.O.V.'' [1.7]=== :''[after Batman grapples up a crane with Officer Montoya to safety]'' :'''Batman''': Are you alright? :''[Machine gun bullets hit around Batman and Officer Montoya, causing both of them to duck]'' :'''Officer Montoya''': Dandy. :'''Batman''': Then don't go away. :'''Officer Montoya''': ''[Batman leaves as more machine gun bullets hit. Montoya stays down]'' Count on it. <hr width="50%"/> :''[after Commissioner Gordon congratulates Officer Montoya for foiling the dock heist with Batman's aid]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': I have to hand it to you, Montoya. You and the Batman really turned this thing around. :'''Patrolman Wilkes''': Yeah, what a [[wikt:collar|collar]]! You didn't just bust 'em, you put the whole gang out of commission. ''[Lieutenant Hackle appears to accuse Montoya]'' :'''Lieutenant Hackle''': What collar? She's suspended! ''[Gordon angrily grabs Heckle]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': This [[wikt:farce|farce]] has gone far enough, Hackle! We apprehended the suspects and recovered our money. The investigation is closed! ''[He grabs three confiscated police badges out of Hackle's suit pocket and shoves him aside. He hands the badges to Officer Montoya]'' Officer Montoya earned this collar. :'''Officer Montoya''': The collar belongs to all three of us, Commissioner. It was a team effort. ''[Montoya accepts hers and hands Wilkes back his badge]'' :'''Patrolman Wilkes''': Gee... thanks, partner! :'''Detective Bullock''': ''[grumbling under his breath]'' Yeah, yeah... :'''Officer Montoya''': What was that, Bullock? ''[happily gives badge to Bullock]'' :'''Detective Bullock''': ''[reluctantly hesitates, accepts his badge]'' I said... Thanks a lot, Montoya. ===''The Forgotten'' [1.8]=== :'''Bruce''': What is this? :'''Smith''': If it's moving, it's a rat. If it isn't, it's a cooked rat. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': ''[Alfred flies the Batwing to the tracking device's location]'' This must be the place! Bring us down! :'''Batwing Computer''': Negative. :'''Alfred''': ''[pressing buttons madly]'' But Master Bruce is down there! We HAVE to land! :'''Computer''': Impossible. Area too confined. :'''Alfred''': ''[pounds the console]'' Land, you bucket of bolts! :'''Computer''': Your funeral. :'''Alfred''': Oh, dear...! ''[The Batwing flies down abruptly. Bruce, escaping the mine, sees the Batwing fly over]'' :'''Bruce''': ''[Smiles]'' Son of a gun! :''[The Batwing reaches a flat area near Bruce and lands. The cockpit opens.]'' :'''Computer''': Watch your step. :'''Alfred''': ''[tumbles out, dazed]'' [[w:Juan Rodriguez Cabrillo|I-I-I claim this land... for Spain]]. ''[collapses]'' ===''Be A Clown'' [1.9]=== :'''Jordan''': How can I get to be a great magician like you, Jekko? :'''"Jekko"''': Well, there are three steps! Step one: run away. Step two: find a magician with a great act. And step three: ''steal it.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Summer Gleason''': ''[reporting on TV]'' Denying reports of a bomb blast at his son's birthday party, Mayor Hill insists the explosion was caused by faulty electrical wiring. :'''"Jekko"''': Yeah! RIGHT! ''[laughs]'' :'''Summer Gleason''': The Mayor declined, however, to confirm that his son Jordan was missing. :'''"Jekko"''': Missing? :'''Jordan''': ''[coming into view]'' It's me, Jekko. I ran away. :'''"Jekko"''': You did '''WHAT?!?''' :'''Jordan''': I want to be a magician, like you. :'''"Jekko"''': Why, you... ''[laughs]'' Well, kid, you got step one right! Come on in. I've been thinking about a protégé. <hr width="50%"/> :'''"Jekko"''': ''[sees Batman approaching on a monitor]'' Well, if it ain't the Caped Coconut... :'''Jordan''': My dad says Batman's no good. :'''"Jekko"''': Well, then I guess your dad's not a ''total'' idiot! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman is trapped inside a tank filled with water, complete with a straitjacket and leg restraints]'' :'''"Jekko"''': For your viewing pleasure, we present... the infamous water tank trap! The great [[w:Harry Houdini|Houdini]] survived such a test. Dare we demand less of the Batman?! :'''Jordan''': I don't like this, Jekko... :'''"Jekko"''': Quiet, kid, it's a free ticket. :''[Batman manages to free the sleeves of the jacket]'' :'''Jordan''': ''[clapping]'' He did it! He got free! :'''"Jekko"''': They don't make straitjackets like they used to. ''[grinning]'' I should know... :''[Batman wriggles out of the jacket and undoes the leg restraints, but struggles to break the glass]'' :'''Jordan''': He can't get out! What's the trick? :'''"Jekko"''': That's just it! THERE IS NO TRICK! :'''Jordan''': No! He'll drown! :''[Jordan grabs an axe and strikes the side of the tank to try and free Batman, but "Jekko" takes the axe away]'' :'''"Jekko"/Joker''': That's why they call it the FINALE! ''[throws down the axe and discards his "Jekko the Clown" mask]'' Now sit down and enjoy the show! ===''Two-Face Part 1'' [1.10]=== :'''[[w:John Vernon|Rupert Thorne]]''': All men have something to hide. The brighter the picture, the darker the negative. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Dent's raid on Thorne has been aborted by the judge due to supposed lack of reliable evidence]'' :'''Dent''': No! NO! '''I SPENT ''THREE MONTHS'' ON THAT RAID!''' He can't overturn! The fool! HE'S ''BEEN BOUGHT! LIKE ALL THE REST!'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[tries to restrain him]'' Harvey, please try to calm down. This sort of behavior doesn't run well with the voters- :'''Dent''': ''LET GO OF ME, YOU RICH TWIT!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dent''': Stealing someone's psychiatric file is pretty low, Thorne! Even for a swine like you! :'''Rupert Thorne''': But it makes for such fascinating reading. Listen to this, boys. Says here that when Harvey was a little boy, he was bothered by a bully. Every day the bully would bug him after school, until one day little Harvey got so mad, he slugged him one. :'''Thorne's Thugs''': Oooh! :'''Rupert Thorne''': Of course, the bully ran away, which made little Harvey very proud. Until he heard that the bully was in the hospital. :'''Candace''': That was some punch. :'''Rupert Thorne''': ''[chuckles]'' That's what Harvey thought. Except the guy was in the hospital for appendicitis! ''[chuckles again]'' But poor Harvey felt so guilty, he never showed his anger again. And that was the start of "Big Bad Harv". :'''Dent''': What do you want? :'''Rupert Thorne''': Just a few favors from the D.A.'s office. :'''Dent''': You're dreaming. :'''Rupert Thorne''': Otherwise, as a concerned citizen, I'd be compelled to give this to the press. After all, the people of Gotham have a right to know the kind of person... or should I say "persons", they've elected. So, what do you say, Harvey? Do we have a deal? :''[Harvey's face has contorted in building rage the entire time, but suddenly relaxes into deceptive docility]'' :'''Dent''': There's just one problem. :'''Rupert Thorne''': What's that? :'''Dent''': ''[in Big Bad Harv's voice]'' '''''You're talking to the wrong Harvey.''''' ===''Two-Face Part 2'' [1.11]=== :''[In a nightmare, Harvey is being chased by a dark shadow. He suddenly realizes he is standing on a collapsing wooden bridge]'' :'''Harvey Dent''': Stay back! ''[the shadow reveals itself to be Batman, pleading for Harvey's help]'' :'''Batman''': Harvey, please, let me help you! :'''Harvey Dent''': You?! You saw what was happening! You knew that something was terribly wrong with me! I thought you were my friend! You should have been able to help me--but you didn't! ''[Harvey covers his face with his two hands, now transformed into Two-Face]'' :'''Two-Face''': ''NOW LOOK AT ME!!'' :'''Batman''': But I tried, Harvey. I... ''[the bridge pulls itself apart, causing Two-Face to fall off]'' Harvey! :'''Two-Face''': ''[Plummets into an abyss of glowing red light] WHY COULDN'T YOU SAVE ME...?!!'' :''[Batman looks down the edge and gasps with horrified shock. He instead sees his late parents Thomas and Martha Wayne underneath a single lamppost. They both raise their heads in sadness]'' :'''Thomas Wayne''': Why couldn't you save us, son? :''[Bruce wakes up, sweating with fear. He then turns to a photo of Two-Face from a newspaper]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': So what are you dreaming tonight, Harvey? Peaceful dreams? Nightmares? Maybe both at once. Sleep well, my friend. Whether you are, whatever you've become... I ''will'' save you. I swear. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Two-Face''': This is my world now. A dichotomy of order and chaos - just like me. :'''Grace''': Harvey, what's happened to your mind, your feelings? You used to listen to your feelings. :'''Two-Face''': ''[flipping his coin]'' This is what I listen to now. ''Chance,'' Grace. Chance is everything. Whether you're born or not, whether you live or die, whether you're good or bad... it's all arbitrary. :'''Grace''': That's nonsense, Harvey. Was it chance that made you District Attorney? Was it chance that made you fall in love with me? Take control of your life, Harvey. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Two-Face grabs a tommy gun and aims at a defenceless Thorne]'' :'''Rupert Thorne''': No! Two-Face, don't! ''[to Batman]'' You can't let him! :'''Grace''': Harvey! What are you doing?! :'''Two-Face''': Taking control of my life. :'''Batman''': Let the law handle it. :'''Two-Face''': "The law"?! ''[takes out his coin]'' Here's the only law! The law of averages! The great equalizer! :''[Two-Face flips the coin, but Batman throws out a crate of other coins, and Two-Face's is lost among them as they spill out]'' :'''Two-Face''': ''[horrified and panicked]'' NO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! ''[searches through them frantically]'' My coin! Where is it?! I can't decide without...! Oh no, it's ''gotta'' be here, it's ''gotta! [shrieks with anguish]'' '''''I HAVE TO HAVE IT!!!''''' :''[He continues to scream, swiping the coins aside before collapsing in tears; Grace gently comforts him]'' :'''Grace''': It's all right now, Harvey. I'm here. ===''It's Never Too Late'' [1.12]=== :'''Father Michael Stromwell''': Arnold? That's one soul I wish I could give up on. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arnold Stromwell''': I don't need your help! :'''Michael Stromwell''': Is that a fact? An empire crumbling? A marriage shattered? A son lost? Sure, you're doing fine. ===''I've Got Batman In My Basement'' [1.13]=== :''[after Penguin's goons successfully steal a [[w:Fabergé egg|Fabergé egg]] on a tall building]'' :'''Goon 1''': ''[chuckles]'' A piece of cake, just like the boss said. :'''Goon 2''': Yeah, all it took was five minutes. ''[Batman makes his surprise appearance to the goons]'' :'''Batman''': And that'll get you five ''years''... ''[pause]'' with good behavior. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Be-fowled by a couple of fledgelings! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Grant''': Sherman, what are you doing down there? :'''Sherman''': Nothing, Mom! :'''Mrs. Grant''': You're not trying to make gunpowder again, are you? :'''Sherman''': No, Mom! Honest! :'''Roberta''': We just saved Batman's life, Mrs. Grant, and now we're hiding him from some bad criminals. :'''Mrs. Grant''': That's good, just don't make a mess. ''[leaves]'' :'''Sherman''': Nice going, Miss Big Mouth. :'''Roberta''': ''[shrugging]'' Sorry, Sherman, I guess I panicked. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Gentlemen - and I use the term loosely - after you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Eurgh, how bourgeois. Tearing this place apart could only improve it! Let the egg hunt begin! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Grant''': Young man, you've got some serious explaining to do! ''[sees Batman and the defeated Penguin and gasps]'' :'''Sherman''': Err, Mom, I'd like you to meet Batman. Batman, this is my mom. :'''Batman''': Ma'am. :'''Mrs. Grant''': Oh, hello... :'''Sherman''': Say, Batman, you wouldn't be single, would you? ===''[[w:Heart of Ice (Batman: The Animated Series)|Heart of Ice]]'' [1.14]=== :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[gazes at the ballerina snow globe]'' This is how I'll always remember you. Surrounded by [[winter]] forever young, forever beautiful. Rest well, my love. The monster who took you from me will soon learn that [[revenge]] is a dish... ''[opens his eyes through his red goggles]'' best served '''cold'''. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman infiltrates an office in GothCorp headquarters and sees a classified file with a videotape and medical records of a woman named Nora Fries. He plays the tape on a nearby VCR]'' :'''Victor Fries''': ''[on the tape]'' My name is Doctor Victor Fries. I am recording what I pray would be mankind's first step toward immortality. ''[camera pans to a large machine with a glass capsule and a woman inside it]'' Behind me, you see the CC-100, a cryogenic freezing chamber of my own design. I created it for the express purpose of freezing subjects stricken with inoperable ailments. Subjects like... my own beloved wife, Nora. Once a remedy has been found-- ''[reacts to a loud banging on the door]'' :'''Ferris Boyle''': ''[Behind the door]'' Open this door! Open it now! ''[A security guard kicks the door down, Ferris and another guard step into the room. Boyle confronts Fries angrily.]'' Get away from that equipment! ''[Orders his guards]'' Shut this stuff down. :'''Fries''': ''[Panicked]'' Stop! This is my experiment! :'''Boyle''': Your ''unauthorized'' experiment. I ordered funding suspended weeks ago! I'm already three million in debt thanks to you! :'''Fries''': You can't stop it now! My wife is in there! :'''Boyle''': So bring her out! :'''Fries''': You can't interrupt the process now! :'''Boyle''': ''[unmoved; to guard]'' Open it. :'''Fries''': ''[desperately holds on to Boyle]'' It's her only chance! :'''Boyle''': ''[shrugs off Fries]'' This is MY equipment! ''MINE!'' I have every legal right to use it or not use it as I see fit. I say this project ends ''now!'' :'''Fries''': ''[grabs pistol from security guard and aims it at Ferris]'' '''NO!''' Stay away from her, murderer! :'''Boyle''': ''[tries to act charming to Fries]'' Victor... I'm sorry... I lost my temper. It doesn't have to come to this. We can talk! ''[Fries calms down and Boyle kicks him into a table of cryonic chemicals. Victor screams in pain as the cloud of volatile chemicals engulf him. Boyle steps away in fear and runs out of the room with his guards]'' Get out. Get out! :'''Fries''': ''[Clinging to his freezing chamber, screaming through the glass] Nora! NORA...! [passes out. The tape ends]'' :'''Batman''': ''[Horrified]'' My God! :''[A voice rings out--it's Mr. Freeze, who just snuck in the room]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': Yes. It would move me to tears, if I still had tears to shed. ''[freezes Batman with his cryo-gun]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mr. Freeze raids the award ceremony and confronts Ferris Boyle, who is receiving a humanitarian award]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': The cold eyes of vengeance are upon you, Boyle. :'''Ferris Boyle''': Who...who ''are'' you?! :'''Mr. Freeze''': Come, now. Surely you remember your old colleague... Victor Fries? :''[Mr. Freeze aims and fires his freezing gun at Boyle's feet, ice slowly covering up his legs to his waist]'' :'''Boyle''': ''[cries in pain]'' NO! No...! Stop... please... I... b-beg you! ''[Mr. Freeze stops his freezing gun for a moment of clarity]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': You... ''beg?'' In my nightmares I see my Nora behind the glass, begging to me with frozen eyes. How I've longed to see that look frozen on you. :''[Batman batarangs Mr Freeze's cryo-gun and attacks him. Mr Freeze overpowers Batman and throws him off]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': The advanced circuitry that powers my suit also triples my strength! ''[engages Batman, and lifts him off the ground]'' Sooner or later, all who stand in my way must feel the icy touch of death! :''[Mr. Freeze is about to kill Batman, but collapses when Batman smashes his glass helmet with a thermos full of chicken soup given to him by Alfred earlier]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': ''[walks next to Batman]'' Ooh...! What was that stuff? :'''Batman''': The only way to fight a cold. :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[as his suit falters]'' It can't end this way... vengeance...! :'''Batman''': No, ''justice''. A year ago, Ferris Boyle interrupted an experiment, and in the process destroyed two lives. ''[gives Summer Gleeson the tape he found]'' Here's the evidence. ''[walks to a still shivering Boyle; he sneers at Boyle with disgust]'' Good night, humanitarian! ''[walks off]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mr. Freeze is in his subzero cell in Arkham Asylum, gazing into his ballerina snow globe]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': I failed you. I wish there were another way for me to say it... but I cannot. ''[Tears silently slide down his face]'' I can only beg your [[forgiveness]] and pray you hear me somehow, someplace. Someplace... where a warm hand waits for mine. ===''The Cat And The Claw Part 1'' [1.15]=== :'''Stern''': Now if you'll excuse me, I've given you all the time I can spare. :'''Selina Kyle''': You'll find more time for me, Mr. Stern. Before I'm through, I'll have every environmental group and animal rights activist breathing down your neck. They'll be looking at you and your project so closely, you'll feel like a bug in a bell-jar. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You're late. :'''Mob Boss''': Can't you walk up to someone normal-like? :'''Batman''': I hear you have some information. :'''Mob Boss''': Under one condition: Lay off the South Side. :'''Batman''': Keep this up, and I'll be on you from ''all'' sides. North, south, east, and west. ===''The Cat And The Claw Part 2'' [1.16]=== :'''Batman''': Red Claw? A woman? :'''[[W:Red_Claw|Red Claw]]''': Do you have a problem with that, Batman? :'''Batman''': Not at all. I'm an equal opportunity crime fighter! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I didn't want you taken away like a common criminal. :'''Catwoman''': So you ''do'' care. :'''Batman''': ''[handcuffing her]'' More than you'll ever know. ===''See No Evil'' [1.17]=== :'''Lloyd Ventrix''': See you 'round, Batman! Too bad you can't say the same! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Ventrix, the suit! It's poison! :'''Ventrix''': So what if it is?! I don't care! As long as I have it, I can take my daughter back whenever I want! Her mother won't stop me, AND NEITHER WILL YOU! ===''Beware The Gray Ghost'' [1.18]=== :''[At a video shop, Bruce Wayne asks for Gray Ghost films]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': I'd like the ''Gray Ghost''. :'''Store Clerk''': ''[smirks and walks away]'' Hmm. Name something else. :'''Wayne''': You said you had everything. :'''Store Clerk''': Except the ''Gray Ghost''! Nobody has it! The studio that made the show, Spectra? It burned down 20 years ago. The negatives all went up like kindling, real shame. :'''Wayne''': So the ''Gray Ghost'' doesn't exist? :'''Clerk''': Not anymore. Sorry, pal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Simon Trent''': ''[Hands Batman a film reel with the key the mystery]'' Here's your answer, take it and go! :'''Batman''': I used to admire what the Gray Ghost stood for... :'''Simon Trent''': I'm not the Gray Ghost! :'''Batman''': ''[coldly]'' I can see that now. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the launch of the Gray Ghost videos]'' :'''Bruce''': Could you make this out to 'Bruce'? :'''Gray Ghost''': ''[signing autograph]'' Here you are, Bruce. :'''Bruce''': Thanks. As a kid, I used to watch you with my father. The Gray Ghost was my hero. :'''Gray Ghost''': ''[realizing]'' Really... :'''Bruce''': ''[smiling]'' And he still is. ===''Prophecy Of Doom'' [1.19]=== :'''Nostromos''': I predict... you and I are about to become rich as pigs! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lucas''': No one could've predicted Batman would spot me. Not even the great Nostromos. Besides, how do you know Wayne survived? :'''Nostromos''': The news said he got off the elevator right before it fell, you pathetic amateur! :'''Lucas''': Well, you didn't predict he would ''die'', exactly... ===''Feat Of Clay Part 1'' [1.20]=== :''[About Matt Hagen's repeated use of "Renuyu" to restore his disfigured face]'' :'''Teddy Lupus''': You can't go on like this, Matt. You hurt all the time now. :'''[[w:Clayface|Matt Hagen]]''': ''[irritated]'' You're just my stand-in, Lupus. Nobody promoted you to nursemaid! :'''Lupus''': That stuff makes your face like putty, Matt; it can't be good for ya. :'''Hagen''': It probably ain't good for me. But unless I only want to do ''horror'' pictures, it ain't bad for me either. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Listen up, scumwad, 'cause I'm only gonna ask you once. Who was Lucius Fox meeting at the tram? :'''Raymond Bell''': Wayne... Bruce Wayne! :'''Batman''': You lying sleaze! You wanna rethink that answer? ===''Feat Of Clay Part 2'' [1.21]=== :'''Clayface''': ''[testing his new shapeshifting powers]'' The formula must have soaked every cell in my body. :'''Teddy Lupus''': It's.... It's some kind of miracle! ''[sees Matt change back into Clayface]'' Wha... What are you doing? :'''Clayface''': No. No! You broke my concentration! It won't work, don't you see?! It's too hard! It's like tensing a muscle - I can't keep it up for long! MY CAREER, MY ''LIFE'' - IT ''IS'' GONE! AND I CAN NEVER GET IT BACK! ''[In his rage, Clayface destroys several things in the trailer]'' I'm not an actor anymore! I'm not even... a ''man''! ''[Sobs softly]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Clayface''': Not even the Batman could stop me, Teddy. And that means ''Daggett'' won't have a prayer. :'''Teddy''': Matt, please, you don't wanna do anything crazy. Why don't you try to get some shuteye? :'''Clayface''': ''[growls]'' DON'T YOU DARE PATRONIZE ME!!! I told you I don't need rest! I don't need food! AND I DON'T NEED YOU!!!! ''[grabs Teddy and throws him to a bookcase then walks out the door]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Roland Daggett is at a talk show talking about Renuyu facial cream and the host entertains audience questions]'' :'''Woman''': I'd like to ask Mr. Daggett about the rumors I've heard. I hear he's selling Renuyu through direct marketing because stores won't carry it due to its harmful side effects. :'''[[w:Roland Daggett|Roland Daggett]]''': Well that's, uh, absolutely untrue- :'''Woman''': ''[stands up and approaches him]'' What about the addictive properties of Renuyu, Mr. Daggett? Once you're hooked, you can't stop using it without horrible...''pain!'' :'''Daggett''': No! I mean... That's just not so! :'''Woman''': Why don't you show them what an ''overdose'' can do, Daggett?! Why don't you tell them ''[voices goes deeper]'' about ME?! ''[transforms into Clayface]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Batman tricks Clayface into confronting him in a recording room, where he turns multiple screens showing headshots of Clayface's past roles]'' :'''Clayface''': What are you doing?! Stop it! :'''Batman''': Look at them, Hagan. Look at what you used to be. :'''Clayface''': No, no! Turn them off...! :'''Batman''': You can play those roles again, Hagan. Let me help you find a cure. :'''Clayface''': ''[begins to shapeshift into his past roles]'' No! Hagan's gone! Make him stop haunting me! ''[begins to uncontrollably shapeshift into his past roles]'' Stop it! Turn them off! I can't control it! I can't be all of them! Not all at once! :''[Batman tries to turn on some more screens, but Clayface knocks him out of the way and smashes the control panels; Clayface yanks off one of the screens and throws it at Batman, who dodges; the screen hits the big screen, causing an explosion; the police arrive to see Clayface in his shapeshifting seizure as he shifts his face into Bruce Wayne]'' :'''Officer''': Mother of mercy! It looks just like Bruce Wayne! :''[Clayface punches through two screens, electrocuting him and reverting back into his true form and he topples over; Batman walks up to Clayface]'' :'''Clayface''': ''[morphs into Matt Hagan]'' You know what I'd have given for a death scene like this? ''[morphs into his scarred form]'' Too bad I won't get to... read the notices. ''[faints and reverts back to his true form.]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Lucius Fox''': I'm just glad to know it wasn't really Bruce Wayne who attacked me. :'''Summer Gleeson''': Thank you, Mr. Fox. All charges against Wayne have, of course, been dropped. And Roland Daggett remains in custody. :''[as Alfred turns off the TV, Batman is experimenting with a piece of Clayface's clay]'' :'''Alfred''': My word, sir. I should think after all this, it would time to rest. :'''Batman''': Look. A piece of clay left behind when they took Hagan's body away. Watch. ''[zaps the clay with electricity, causing it to morph into multiple shapes]'' :'''Alfred''': Electricity has no effect on it? :'''Batman''': Exactly. ''[scene changes to a morgue where a doctor uncovers Clayface's body; voice-over]'' I wouldn't be surprised if the body they took to the morgue was only a shell ''[Clayface's body cracks and crumbles into little pieces]'' Don't forget, first and foremost, Hagan was an actor. ''[scene changes to Teddy outside the hospital]'' He said it himself, Alfred. He called it a scene. Maybe the greatest scene in his career. :'''Teddy''': ''[sadly]'' See you 'round, Matt. ''[walks away]'' :'''Batman''': A death scene so real... it fooled us all. :''[A woman laughs maniacally as her voice grows deeper and her eyes turn yellow, revealing her to be a disguised Clayface]'' ===''Joker's Favor'' [1.22]=== :'''[[w:Joker (comics)|Joker]]''': ''[tosses two pennies on the ground]'' There's your two cents. Now, what are you going to do to me? :'''Charlie''': Listen.... I... O'm sorry, really! I.... I had a bad day. Boss turned down my raise, and... :'''Joker''': Now look, my rude friend! We can't have people cursing at each other on the freeway. It's simply ''not polite''! ''[jumps down and grabs him]'' I'm just going to have to teach you some manners. ''[reaches into his coat]'' :'''Charlie''': Please don't! I have a family, a wife, a little boy! Please! I'll do anything to make it up! Anything! :'''Joker''': Anything, says you? ''[Charlie nods; Joker releases him]'' Okee-dokee! Wallet. :'''Charlie''': Uh, okay. I don't have much cash. :'''Joker''': Oh, please! Don't insult me! ''[takes out driver's license]'' Charles Michael Collins. That's you! Tsk tsk, lousy picture, though. Lousy! Address, height, weight, blah blah blah. ''[tosses the wallet back and keeps the license]'' Righty-o, Chuckers! Here's the deal. I'll let you off if you promise to do a little favor for me. :'''Charlie''': Okay. What? :'''Joker''': ''I DON'T KNOW! I HAVEN'T THOUGHT OF IT YET!'' You just toddle on back to your mundane, meaningless little life, and when I need you, I'll call. Fair? Good? Great! I'll be in touch. ''[walks away, laughing maniacally]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Charlie''': Hello? :'''Joker''': Hello, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': Wrong number, pal. My name is Don. :'''Joker''': Oh, no, no, no. This IS the right number, Charles Michael Collins. Oh, I don't know why you changed your name to Don Wallace and moved your family to 12 Marigold Lane, Springdale, Ohio. One might think you were trying to skip out on our little deal. ''[to Harley Quinn]'' Leave the sideburns. :'''Charlie''': Uh... how did you find me? :'''Joker''': Oh, I never lost you, Chaz. You've become my... HOBBY!! ''[laughs maniacally]'' Now, listen up, Charlie Brown. You're booked on the next flight to Gotham. Tell the family you have to visit a sick friend. Oh, and let's keep this to ourselves, 'kay? Bad things happen to people who gossip, capisce, Carlo? ''[Charlie looks out the window to see Joker's henchmen pull up to his house]'' :'''Charlie''': Yeah... :'''Joker''': Good! See ya! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': You miserable little ''nobody!'' If I get caught, your wife and son are history! :'''Charlie''': You're not getting caught. Not this time. I found this blown out of the van. :''[He pulls one of the Joker's bombs from his jacket, and the Joker looks shocked and afraid]'' :'''Charlie''': This is how it ends, Joker. No big schemes, no grand fight to the finish with the Dark Knight. Tomorrow, all the papers will say is that the great Joker was found blown to bits in an alley, alongside a "miserable little nobody"! ''[chuckles]'' Kinda funny. Ironic, really. See? I can destroy a man's dreams too! And that's really the only dream you've got, isn't it?! :'''Joker''': ''[still scared]'' Look, Charlie, you've had a busy day! All this running around, all this excitement with... ''[yelling out desperately]'' '''''BATMAN!''''' Stop! You... you're crazy! :'''Charlie''': I had a good teacher! ''[chuckles]'' Say goodnight, Gracie! :'''Joker''': ''[terrified, trying to crawl away]'' NO! '''BATMAN! ''BATMAN!''''' ''[sees Batman in the shadows, and gasps with relief and annoyance]'' How long have you been there?! :'''Batman''': Long enough. Put it down, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': You know he'll just escape again! This is the only way my family stays safe! :'''Joker''': All right, you win! Take it easy! ''[surrenders his notebook to Batman]'' Here's everything on his blasted family - names, addresses, it's all there! You're no fun anymore, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': Hey, Joker! ''[throws the bomb at the Joker, who cowers behind Batman - only for the "bomb" to release harmless confetti]'' Gotcha! :''[Batman lets out a short laugh]'' :'''Joker''': ''[dryly]'' Oh, very funny. A million laughs. :'''Batman''': Go home, Mr. Collins. :'''Charlie''': Home. I never thought that could sound so good. I wonder what Bonnie's making for dinner. Right now, anything would taste great. Even meatloaf. ===''Vendetta'' [1.23]=== :'''Batman''': Here's how it works, slimeball. I have questions, and if you have answers, I'll leave you alone. :'''Rupert Thorne''': Oh, I have plenty of answers... thirty-eight caliber answers. Now then, you were saying? :'''Batman''': ''[Using Thorne as a shield]'' I was saying, you'd better hope your men are ''very'' good shots. It's too hot in here. Let's get some air. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Killer Croc''': Terrific. Just what I need now. The freak job in the cape. :'''Batman''': You're no prize yourself. :'''Killer Croc''': ''[strangling Batman]'' What can I tell you now? Being a reptile man ain't pretty... but it's got its upside. Like having the strength of a crocodile, for instance! But I guess you've learned that by now, huh? ''[forcing Batman into the water]'' The hard way. You know, they used to call "Killer Croc" the meanest dude in the Wrestling Federation. Now they'll call him the guy who iced the Batman! :'''Batman''': ''[flip-kicks Killer Croc really hard and gets out of the water]'' Don't hold your breath. ===''Fear Of Victory'' [1.24]=== :'''Mr. Lucky''': Lost? You have that bewildered look, but your sort always does. :'''Thug''': ''[grabs him threateningly]'' I ain't lost. I'm lookin' for you! I wanna know how come you always win, Mr. Lucky. :'''Mr. Lucky''': It's quite simple, actually. I fix the games. :'''Thug''': You can't fix ''all'' those sports. Nobody can! :'''Mr. Lucky''': Oh, ye of little brain, allow me to illustrate. ''[hands the thug an envelope laced in fear toxin]'' Here. You can read, can't you? :'''Thug''': ''[reads it]'' "Boo!" Hey, is this some kinda joke? :'''Mr. Lucky''': It's no joke, I assure you. It's the fear of victory, and the agony of... ''[the thug pulls Mr. Lucky out of the shadows, revealing his true identity]'' '''the Scarecrow!''' :''[The thug gasps in fear, now a victim of his toxin]'' :'''Scarecrow''': So now you understand Step One in how I fix an athletic contest. ''[Scarecrow comes closer to the thug, causing him to fall into some stacks of hay]'' I shall proceed to Step Two! ''[chuckles evilly]'' :'''Thug''': No! NO! GET AWAY! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': There's enough powder in that helmet to panic a pachyderm! He should be postering himself, crying for mercy! :'''Batman''': Change of luck, Scarecrow? :'''Scarecrow''': YOU! :'''Batman''': You're aware that gambling is illegal in Gotham? :'''Scarecrow''': I need the money, Batman! You know the cost of chemicals these days. And it will take much more than this to bring every pathetic person in Gotham to their knees, kissing my feet! ''[reveals a vial of his fear chemical and dangles it above the crowd]'' No closer, Batman! Unless you want a stampede of half-crazed humanity crushing and clawing each other! Now... what guarantee do I have you won't follow me? :'''Batman''': You have my word, Scarecrow. Just don't drop the vial. :'''Scarecrow''': Actually, Batman, I'd prefer a little insurance that you'll be otherwise occupied! ''[drops it]'' ===''The Clock King'' [1.25]=== :'''Fugate''': (after judgment has been passed) No! You can't! I'll be ruined! :'''Judge''': Then perhaps this will teach you to be on time for a change. :'''Batman''': What kind of a saboteur uses a six-thousand dollar Metronex to set a time bomb? :'''Alfred''': A saboteur with too much money? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman:''' Hold it! :'''Fugate:''' Well, well. The Batman. It's about time you showed up! I suppose you want to know why I've brought Downtown Gotham to a standstill, Batman. Hm? Well, let's just say it's because I'm a civic minded citizen with a lot of time on his hands. :'''Batman''': I want some answers, wise guy. Talk! :'''Fugate''': A pity. I don't know what to tell you, Batman - except perhaps that the 9:15 is always six minutes early. :''(He falls off the building and lands safely on the roof of an oncoming train as it speeds away)'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mayor Hill is tied to the hands of a huge clock]'' :'''Clock King''': Comfortable, Hill? Well you won't be for long! At 3:15 on the dot, those hands will come together and you'll be crushed like an insect. 3:15, Hill. Does that time hold any meaning for you? :'''Mayor Hill''': I don't know what you're talking about! :'''Clock King''': You told me to take my coffee break at 3:15. :'''Mayor Hill''': What?! :'''Clock King''': You don't remember?! My ''court date!'' :'''Mayor Hill''': ''[finally realizing]'' Oh my Lord! The lawsuit! Fugate! I swear I was only trying to help! :'''Clock King''': Don't hand me that! You did it on purpose! The plaintiffs were represented by your law firm, Mr. Mayor! :'''Mayor Hill''': But I had nothing to do with that case, Fugate! :'''Clock King''': Not that it matters anymore. Now that you have an appointment to keep, at 3:15 precisely—with the '''Grim Reaper!''' ''[begins laughing maniacally]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I'm here to clean your clock, Fugate. :'''Fugate''': Don't count on it, Batman. When it comes to clocks, ''I'' am king. ''En garde''! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Stop this, Fugate! Hill committed no crime against you! :'''Temple Fugate''': He did worse than that! He made me late! :'''Batman''': Fugate! You can't escape! :'''Clock King''': Au contraire, Batman. You of all people should know, there's always a way out! :''(Fugate begins laughing maniacally as a huge clock wheel falls on him, sending him to his apparent death)'' ===''Appointment In Crime Alley'' [1.26]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': Roland Daggett's up to something, Alfred. :'''Alfred''': That almost goes without saying, doesn't it, sir? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Leslie Thompkins''': This used to be a beautiful street. Good people lived here once. :'''Batman''': ''[placing two roses on the ground]'' Good people still live in Crime Alley. ===''Mad As A Hatter'' [1.27]=== :'''Jervis Tetch''': ''[Discussing the subject of Alice to his lab rats.]'' Of course, intellectually I know it's wrong. After all, she has a boyfriend. Better to withdraw like a gentleman- forget her, turn my heart to other pursuits. ''[Brief pause]'' NEVER! After all, I've created a chip strong enough to control a human brain! It would be so easy to make her forget her boorish beau and love ME! But...that would reduce her to a soulless shell. No...not my Alice. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman has cornered Jervis Tetch, who just subdued Alice with her mindcontrol card and is at a dinner table with him]'' :'''Jervis Tetch/Mad Hatter''': I'll cut that cowl off your neck before you'll take her! I've waited my whole lonely life for her! :'''Batman''': Then all you've waited for is a puppet. A soulless little doll. :'''Mad Hatter''': It didn't have to be this way! You made me do this to her! ===''Dreams In Darkness'' [1.28]=== :'''Batman''': "There's always time to heal", the doctor told me, but he was wrong. There was no time left. Not for me, not for him, and not for Gotham City. And as long as I remained trapped in Arkham, there was nothing I could do, except wait for the end and remember the beginning. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': An entire city, screaming in fear... I wonder if we'll be able to hear it... ===''Eternal Youth'' [1.29]=== :'''Mrs. Thomas''': You wicked, evil- :'''Poison Ivy''': Evil, Mrs. Thomas? I don't control a company that leveled a thousand-year-old forest for a strip mine! THAT'S evil! ''[sprays a gas which causes Mrs. Thomas to become petrified; steals a pair of earrings]'' You and your kind owe Mother Nature a big debt, and I am here to make sure you pay up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': Right now, the bark is merely exoskeletal. It will take months of additional spraying before the transformations become irreversible. But, of course, I have the patience of a redwood. :'''Batman''': ''[snarling]'' And the convictions of a fanatic! :'''Poison Ivy''': Well, if you're not going to be part of the solution, you're obviously part of the problem. Ladies? :''[Ivy's henchwomen begin to spray Batman with the growth formula]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': This spray is triple-strength, Batman! It will start the transformation without any preliminaries! ''[Nothing seems to happen to Batman as he unties his hands]'' He should be sprouting leaves by now! :'''Batman''': ''[Unties his hands and stands up, blocking the spray with his cape as he advances]'' You made your secret too accessible, Ivy! I coated my outfit with a herbicidal antidote! :'''Poison Ivy''': Keep spraying! ''[Violet and Lily back away, still spraying, but Batman subdues them both]'' ===''Perchance To Dream'' [1.30]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[Looking down off the ledge, preparing to jump]'' You're wrong! There IS a way out! :'''Mad Hatter''': Now, now wait just a minute! You don't want to do anything foolish! This isn't an ordinary dream! What if you're wrong?! :'''Bruce Wayne''': '''THEN I'LL SEE YOU IN YOUR ''NIGHTMARES''!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': '''''WHY?''''' Why did you do it?! :'''Mad Hatter''': You, of all people, have the GALL to ask me that? You RUINED MY LIFE! I was willing to give you WHATEVER life you wanted, JUST TO KEEP YOU OUT OF ''MINE!'' <hr width="75%"/> ===''The Cape & Cowl Conspiracy'' [1.31]=== :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Look up "slippery" in the dictionary and you get Josiah Wormwood. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[About the [[w:Bat-Signal|Bat-Signal]]]'' Got a new toy, I see. :'''Gordon''': I figured it might come in handy. ===''[[w:Robin's Reckoning|Robin's Reckoning Part 1]]'' [1.32]=== :''[Robin and Batman are doing a stakeout]'' :'''Robin''': If I knew it was going to take THIS long, I would've brought my homework. You sure about this extortion ring? :'''Batman''': ''[Looking at the construction site through binoculars]'' Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': It's been four hours. :'''Batman''': Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': You still think they'll show? :'''Batman''': Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': Lucky for me, you're such a good conversationalist. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': If you protect him, Stromwell, I'll be very... GRUMPY. [[The Incredible Hulk|You don't want to see me when I'm grumpy]]. ===''[[w:Robin's Reckoning|Robin's Reckoning Part 2]]'' [1.33]=== :'''[[w:Tony Zucco|Tony Zucco]]''': I'm not back in town five minutes - FIVE MINUTES - and he's on my tail. You don't know the Bat. He don't let up! He's the dark angel of death, man, and he wants ME! :'''Mick''': ... Why you, boss? :'''Zucco''': HOW SHOULD I KNOW?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Robin is about to throw Tony Zucco off the pier]'' :'''Tony Zucco''': No, don't! Please... :'''Batman''': Robin! Enough. ''[limps towards him]'' You can't let your emotions get the best of you. :'''Robin''': Stuff your advice, Batman! You and your stone-cold heart! You don't know how I feel. HOW COULD YOU?!? ''[Batman looks at him, and Robin realizes what he said]'' Batman, I didn't mean to... I'm sorry. ''[after he sees the police coming, Robin seemingly readies to throw Zucco off the pier but simply throws him to the ground. The cops arrive and arrest Zucco.]'' You were right, you know, not bringing me along. You knew I'd take it too personally. :'''Batman''': It wasn't that, Robin. It wasn't that at all. Zucco's taken so much, caused you so much pain. I couldn't stand the thought that he might... take you, too. :'''Robin''': ''[putting a hand on Batman's shoulder]'' Come on, partner. It's been a long night. ===''The Laughing Fish'' [1.34]=== :'''Alfred''': ''[seeing Batman with a Joker Fish]'' Dining in tonight, sir? :'''Batman''': ''[sighs]'' The dissection tray, please, Alfred... :'''Alfred''': Any idea what our happy friend is up to now? :'''Batman''': Normal criminals usually have logical motives, but the Joker's insane schemes make sense to him alone. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': Ah-ah-ah-ahem! Look alive, wage slaves. Presenting that caliph of clowns, that mogul of mountebanks, the one and only Joker! :''[The Joker enters, laughing maniacally]'' :'''Francis''': Great Scott! :'''Joker''': Actually, I'm Irish. Good morning, Mister, err, ''[looks at his desk's name plate]'' Francis! Please allow me to introduce my associates. Miss Quinn. :'''Harley Quinn''': ''Enchante''! :'''Joker''': And Messrs, uh... oh, their names escape me for the moment. No matter! We gentlemen of business have arrangements to discuss. :'''Francis''': A... Arrangements? :'''Joker''': ''[drops a Joker Fish onto his desk]'' For my fish, of course! This has all been worked out far in advance, Francis. You are merely the last tiny cog in my grand design! So don't speak to me again, 'kay? Now, what is everyone in town talking about? :'''Francis''': Err... your fish? :'''Joker''': ''[smacks him with the fish]'' I TOLD YOU NOT TO SPEAK! :'''Harley''': ''[sniffs Francis]'' Ooh, fish stink-a-roony! ''[sprays him with a substance from a perfume bottle, making him cough]'' All better! :'''Joker''': As I was saying, since every fish in Gotham now bares my famous and frankly ''fabulous'' face, I should be getting a profit from every fish product sold. ''[one of his thugs pours out a pile of products]'' Let's say a nickel per fish sandwich, fifty cents for sardines - millions of dollars a day to finance my happily hedonistic lifestyle! So which of your tedious copyright forms do I fill out first? You may speak now. :'''Francis''': No one can copyright fish. They're a natural resource. :'''Joker''': But they share my unique face! [[w:Colonel Sanders|Colonel What's-His-Name]] has chickens, and they don't even have moustaches! :'''Francis''': I can't help it, it's the law! :'''Joker''': Oh! Trying to cheat the Joker, are ya?! Well, we'll see who has the last laugh. You have until midnight to change your mind, Francis, or you'll be the poorest fish of all! ''[leaves, laughing madly, with his thugs following]'' :'''Harley''': ''[blows Francis a kiss as she follows]'' Buh-bye! :'''Francis''': He's crazy...! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Francis''': Err, Batman? Why is this happening to me? I've never done anything to this Joker. I'm just a paper-pusher, I can't change the laws. I'm harmless! :'''Batman''': And in his sick mind, that's the joke, Mr. Francis. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Feeling all right? :'''Francis''': ''[scratching himself]'' Oh, sure. It's just that everything's been so crazy today. I haven't even had time to rinse off that gunk the Joker's girl squirted on me... :'''Batman''': ''[to Gordon]'' GET THIS MAN TO A HOSPITAL! ''NOW!'' :'''Francis''': What?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': You're right, Harley. Fish ''are'' disgusting. I think I'll start using my toxin on cattle. Joker Burgers! Ha! Talk about a [[w:McDonald's|Happy Meal!]] <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': ''[after hitting Batman with a big wrench]'' Meanwhile, back at the "wrench"...! Since my sidesplitters don't tickle you, how 'bout a ''skull''-splitter?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After the Joker is seemingly eaten by the shark]'' :'''Harley''': ''[sniffing sadly]'' Oh, my poor, poor puddin'... :'''Bullock''': Come on, he was a demented, abusive, psychotic maniac. :'''Harley''': Yeah... I'm really gonna miss him! ''[sobs into her handkerchief]'' :'''Gordon''': Do you think he's gone for good? :'''Batman''': Believe me, Jim, I wish it were true. But deep inside, I doubt it. ===''Night Of The Ninja'' [1.35]=== :'''[[w:Kyodai Ken|Kyodai Ken]]''': ''[Throwing Bruce]'' Don't be depressed, Wayne-san. You're not bad for a rich man's pampered son. :'''Sensei''': ''[Leaps across room and throws Kyodai]'' There's always someone better, Kyodai. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': His name is Kyodai Ken. He was good. :'''Robin''': Yeah? How good? :'''Batman''': ''[Quickly]'' Good. :'''Robin''': I see. <hr width="80%"/> ===''Cat Scratch Fever'' [1.36]=== :'''Selina Kyle''': Don't tell me you're my very own private probation officer. How often would you like me to check in? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': "Viral Antitoxins". For a plague that doesn't exist, yet, but if the plague is introduced via stray dogs and cats, it will blanket Gotham City within weeks! :'''Roland Daggett''': Days, actually. You know how many strays there are in Gotham, Batman? Three hundred thousand! Imagine if even a tenth of them carried the virus. Not only will this little bottle make me a hero, it'll make me a fortune as well. ===''The Strange Secret Of Bruce Wayne'' [1.37]=== :''[Joker, Two-Face, and Penguin are bidding over Batman's secret identity]'' :'''Two-Face''': $500,000 :'''Penguin''': Poof. Chicken feed. I'll bet a million! :'''Two-Face''': ''TWO'' Million! :'''Strange''': I have two million. Do I hear three? :'''Joker''': Hold it, hold it, HOLD IT! :'''Two-Face''': Get outta my face, clown! :'''Joker''': Which one? :''[An angered Two-Face is about to attack Joker, but Penguin intervenes]'' :'''Penguin''': Gentlemen, it behooves us not to fight amongst ourselves. :'''Joker''': Well put, sardine breath! I think we should ''pool'' our resources on this. $51,240,685! ''[gets out a little coin purse, and pours out some coins]'' And uh, 53 cents. :'''Strange''': Sold! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Strange''': Joker, please! I was set up! Bruce Wayne is Batman! :'''Two-Face''': That's absurd! I know Bruce Wayne. If he's Batman, I'm the King of England! :'''Joker''': And people say I'M crazy! ===''Heart Of Steel Part 1'' [1.38]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': And who's your little friend? :''[Barbara takes a teddy bear out of her purse]'' :'''Barbara Gordon''': Oh, this is Wubby. I've had him forever. Dad won't pick me up at the airport without bringing him along. :'''Commissioner Gordon''': ''[blushing]'' Well... he knows the way better than I do. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': ''[After learning about the AI project]'' Sounds as if the human race could become quite expendable, except for butlers, of course. :'''Batman''': Of course. ===''Heart Of Steel Part 2'' [1.39]=== :'''Randa''': You have immobilized the maker. :'''[[w:HARDAC|HARDAC]]''': His human imperfection endangers the plan. He must be improved upon. <hr width="50%"/> :'''HARDAC''': The maker's concept was sound, but he did not go far enough - which is why I have taken over. ===''If You're So Smart, Why Aren't You Rich?'' [1.40]=== :'''[[w:Riddler|Edward Nygma]]''': ''[Being cheated out of the sales of his game]'' You are a fool, Mockridge, to think you can get away with this! Your amoral greed is no match for an intellect like mine! :'''Mockridge''': Oh, yeah? Then tell me something, Eddie: if you're so smart, why aren't you ''rich?'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman reprograms the Hand of Fate, and uses it to carry himself and Robin to the centre of the maze]'' :'''Riddler''': That is grand-scale CHEATING, Batman! You're not allowed to tamper with the Hand of Fate! :'''Batman''': I don't believe in fate! :'''Riddler''': You probably don't believe in Minotaurs either, but you'll still have to answer the Riddle. :'''Minotaur Robot''': ''I have billions of eyes, yet I live in darkness. I have millions of ears, yet only four lobes. I have no muscles, yet I move two hemispheres. What am I?'' :'''Batman''': ''[pauses in thought]'' That's simple: the human brain. ''[The Minotaur backs away]'' It has billions of optic and auditory nerves, four lobes and two hemispheres, and it's the only thing Edward Nygma respects. :'''Riddler''': A lucky guess, that's all! But it won't save you, Batman! ''[to the Minotaur]'' DESTROY THEM! ===''Joker's Wild'' [1.41]=== :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[as Joker changes the channel in the TV]'' Hey, I was watching that! :'''Joker''': And now you're watching this! :'''Poison Ivy''': Change it back! :'''Joker''': Nope, nope, nope, nope, don't want to. :'''Poison Ivy''': Guard! :'''Security Guard''': What's the problem? :'''Joker''': Don't look now, Sonny Jim, but the plant lady's gone whackers again. :'''Poison Ivy''': He started it! I was just sitting here! :'''Joker''': That's right, you're always blaming me. And the children wonder why we fight! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...the Joker's Wild! :''[Cameron Kaiser cuts the ribbon and unveils a casino with a gigantic Joker head. He is seen spoken to by Summer Gleeson]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': Ugh, that is disgusting! :'''Cameraman''': Psst, Summer! We're on the air! :'''Summer Gleeson''': ''[mortified]'' Oh! Uh... there you have it! Let's get a reaction from the guests. Mr. Wayne? :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[equally nauseated]'' No comment. :'''Summer Gleeson''': Mr. Kaiser, why build a casino seemingly in honor of one of history's most notorious outlaws? :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Summer, please! Wild Joker is a classic symbol, long associated with cards and games. I can't help it if there's a some passing resemblance to some criminal fruitcake. :''[An enraged Joker smashes the television]'' :'''Joker''': How dare that smug, preening fool try to cash in on ''MY'' image! :'''Poison Ivy''': Now who should lighten up? :'''Joker''': Don't get cute with me, Red. He's ripping me off! I'll protest! Yeah! I'll sue! Then I'll rip his lungs out! And I will, too! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': It was a scheme worthy of ''me'', Kaiser, the way you got me riled up and turned me loose on this place! :'''Cameron Kaiser''': You...! You were supposed to destroy the casino! :'''Joker''': Yeah, but then I realized it'd be more fun to get rid of you and run the show myself! :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Bu-But you can't...! :'''Joker''': Oh please, Mr. Kaiser! You of all people should have realized there'd be a Joker in the deck! ''[laughs]'' ===''Tyger Tyger'' [1.42]=== :'''Dorian''': I want to test Tygrus' reflexes and feral strength, and who better to pit him against than you? I'll give you a generous head start before I release Tygrus. If you defeat him, I shall relinquish this, the antigen to reverse Catwoman's mutation. :'''Batman''': How do I know you'll keep your word? :'''Dorian''': You don't. The clock is ticking, Batman. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': So you ''can'' talk. :'''Tygrus''': My father taught me. :'''Batman''': Your father was a test tube. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': Batman! The antidote! I'll be stuck like this forever! :'''Tygrus''': Would that be so bad? You could stay here, with me. :'''Catwoman''': Oh, Tygrus... I can't live like this, I have to be human again. :'''Tygrus''': ''[sadly, taking her hands in his]'' Goodbye, Selina. :''[As he leaves, Catwoman sees that he has given here the serum. She looks overjoyed, then calls out to him]'' :'''Catwoman''': Wait - won't you come with us? There's nothing for you here. :'''Tygrus''': There's nothing for me anywhere. ''[disappears into the falling rain]'' :'''Batman''': ''[in voiceover]'' "[[w:The Tyger|Tyger Tyger burning bright, in the forests of the night: what immortal hand or eye, dare frame thy fearful symmetry?]]" ===''Moon Of The Wolf'' [1.43]=== :'''Professor Milo''': What you're suffering from is an early stage of lycanthropy, more commonly known as werewolfism; for that I have no treatment. However, advanced werewolfism can be cured. :'''Anthony Romulus''': ''[after a wolf howls, Anthony starts transforming]'' Ohhh, you fool! There's no telling what the werewolf might do! :'''Professor Milo''': Hey, ask me if I care. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Do me a favour, shaggy: stay down! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bullock''': No trace of Wolfie! We checked the shoreline for miles! But in four weeks, there's another full moon. Then we'll know for sure. ===''Day Of The Samurai'' [1.44]=== :''[Batman swoops away after rescuing his Sensei's student, Kairi]'' :'''Kairi''': ''[In Japanese]'' Spirit of the bat... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yoru''': If you see Batman, tell him I have great respect for him. :'''Bruce''': Why? He's as much a ninja as Kyodai was. :'''Yoru''': Not so. Batman offered to help his adversary, and a lesser man would have used the secrets of the Onemuri touch against his opponent. Batman is the essence of samurai, Wayne-san. You would do well to remember that. :'''Bruce''': ''[bows]'' Domo arigato, sensei. ===''Terror In The Sky'' [1.45]=== :'''Batman''': Reports of a huge bat creature the size of a man. Remind you of anybody? :'''Alfred''': Present company excluded? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You couldn't leave it alone, could you, March? You've recreated the mutagen. :'''March''': ''[aiming a tranquilizer rifle at him]'' Recreated it? I've ''refined'' it! At night, on my own, so the others wouldn't know. I still believe only a creature like a Man-Bat can survive the next evolutionary cataclysm - and it will! My new serum could be even more powerful than Kirk's! :'''Batman''': ''[after disarming March]'' "''Could'' be"? What do you mean? :'''March''': I needed to test it, but before I had the chance-- :'''Batman''': ''[clearly surprised]'' You mean you ''haven't'' taken it? :'''March''': Of course not! The experimental batch was destroyed. I'll have to-- :'''Batman''': Destroyed? How? :'''March''': I'd been working through the night. I was just completing the final combination. ''[remembers incident at his lab as he drops the beaker of mutagen upon Francine's surprise entry]'' Francine burst in. I was startled. You have to understand I was very tired, I accidentally dropped the beaker. The whole night's work, ruined! Francine never guessed what I was doing, she even helped me clean up the mess. All that... glass! ''[recalls Francine licking her finger after it is pricked by a small shard of glass]'' Oh... oh, my lord... Francine! The mutagen - it's in ''her'' bloodstream now! ''[breaks down at his folly as Batman loads a tranquilizer into a pistol of his and then gives March the formula paperwork]'' :'''Batman''': Is ''that'' what it's going to take? Your daughter's life, before you end this insanity? :''[Later that night, March burns the files]'' ===''Almost Got 'Im'' [1.46]=== :'''Joker''': I want a nice clean game, gentlemen. :'''Penguin''': That'll be a first. So, I hear 'you-know-who' nailed the Mad Hatter last week. :'''Joker''': No kidding. He sure gets around for one guy. :'''Two-Face''': Yeah, well that's where you're wrong. I don't think it IS one guy. :'''[[w:Killer Croc|Killer Croc]]''': Huh? :'''Two-Face''': The way I figure it, Gordon's got a bunch of 'em stashed someplace like a SWAT team. He wants you to think it's one guy, but- :'''Joker''': Meh. You're always seeing double. :'''Penguin''': It's obvious our caped friend suffered some crime-related trauma when he was younger. Perhaps an over-anxious mugger blew off a piece of his face. :'''Joker''': Sure! He could be all gross and disgusting under that mask! ''[as Two-Face crushes a milk carton]'' Uh, no offense, Harv. :'''Two-Face''': Just deal. :'''Killer Croc''': Well, ya know what ''I'' think? :'''Joker''': Not the robot theory again... :'''Killer Croc''': Well, he COULD be. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Two-Face''': Poison Ivy... :'''Poison Ivy''': It's been a long time Harvey. You're still looking...halfway decent. :'''Two-Face''': Half of me wants to strangle ya. :'''Poison Ivy''': And what's the other part want? :'''Two-Face''': To hit you with a truck! :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[to the others]'' We used to date. :'''Penguin/Joker''': Ah. ===''Birds Of A Feather'' [1.47]=== :'''[[w:Penguin (comics)|Penguin]]''': Say, who's there? Two-Face? Croc? Joker, old shoe? :'''Batman''': None of the above, Penguin. :'''Penguin''': Oh no, not you... :'''Batman''': Get used to it. Wherever you go, I'll be right behind you. :'''Penguin''': Precisely where you belong. But you needn't bother. Haven't you heard? I've reformed. Paid my debt to society, and all that. :'''Batman''': We'll see. I just came to tell you to keep your beak clean. :'''Penguin''': ''[grabs a can of rat poison]'' As long as you're here, won't you stay for a cappuccino? :''[Batman gives him an annoyed look before leaving]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Batman defeats a gang of thugs threatening the Penguin and Veronica]'' :'''Batman''': I knew you couldn't stay clean for more than one day. :'''Veronica''': Let him go! He didn't do anything. It was those brutes! :'''Batman''': ''[genuinely surprised]'' He wasn't with them? :'''Penguin''': That's right, you vulgar vigilante! In my day, I associated with a much higher class of riff-raff! :'''Veronica''': I'm so sorry, Ozzie. :'''Penguin''': As long as you weren't bruised, my peach. ''[kisses her hand]'' :'''Batman''': "Peach"? :'''Penguin''': Why don't you be a good masked man and ride off into the night? This time, ''I'll'' clean up after ''you.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Veronica''': Please, Oswald! If it's money you want, I can get you more! :'''Penguin''': ''SHUT UP!'' All I wanted from ''you'', dearie, was a little friendship. That would have cost you ''nothing.'' But now you'll pay! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Veronica''': Oswald? I really was growing fond of you. It's too bad this had to happen. :'''Penguin''': ''[coldly]'' I suppose it's true what they say: society is to blame. ''High'' society. ===''What Is Reality?'' [1.48]=== :'''Batman''': "Where does a 500 pound gorilla sleep?" "What's worse than a millipede with flat feet?" "How do you stuff five elephants into a compact car?" :'''Alfred''': Anywhere it wants, a giraffe with a sore throat, and two in the front seat, two in the back, and one in the trunk. :'''Batman''': Yeah, yeah. I know, I know. Any schoolboy knows those. But brain teasers are the Riddler's M.O. Not corny old jokes like these. :'''Alfred''': Perhaps the questions are the clues, not the answers. For example, they all seem to involve animals. :'''Batman''': Also numbers. A ''500'' pound gorilla. A millipede, meaning a thousand legs. And five elephants. Now let's convert them to Roman numerals. ''[he does, revealing the letters DMV]'' Look! :'''Alfred''': DMV... :'''Batman and Alfred''': Department of Motor Vehicles! :'''Alfred''': But I recall you mentioning he'd already obliterated his records there, so why return? :'''Batman''': For the hard copy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no tales. :'''Batman''': Another riddle, Nygma? :''[Four quarters and a single penny emerge from the return change chute]'' :'''Riddler''': It all makes sense when you add it up! :''[In the Batmobile]'' :'''Alfred''': Four quarters and a penny, sir? :'''Batman''': Penny... Penny... Cent... Red cent... Copper. It's made of copper. :'''Alfred''': And "copper" is another word for a policeman. :'''Batman''': And "no tails" would be heads. Police head... Quarters! :'''Alfred''': Police Headquarters. Bravo, sir! It does make "cents" when you add it up! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': He can't be online! I searched through every file. :'''Riddler''': You searched the software. Had you bothered to examine the hardware you would have discovered a cordless modem line. :'''Riddler''': A pity you can't earn extra lives in this game.Quite an experience being riddled with questions, isn't it, Batman :'''Robin''': Batman don't open that door Crazy Intent means Loco Motion! Batman finds himself on a chessboard: :'''Riddler''':Only Batman can put the King in check and you have to move according to the rules or its the end of the day :'''Robin''':They call you the dark Knight..so you have to move like a knight (If Batman fails to move as a knight it'll be "KNightfall" (!) :'''Riddler''':Careful, vigilante, you know what they say, "Curiosity killed the Bat". :'''Batman''': Can you solve it? :'''Robin''': Are you kidding? You're looking at the guy who solved the Baxter's Box puzzle in 37 seconds! Course, this time I don't have a sledge hammer... After escaping Riddler Virtual realty Traps, Batman tries to rescue Gordon from Riddler :'''Batman''': You may control this world, Nygma, but I still control myself! :'''Riddler''': The name is "Riddler"! Edward Nygma doesn't exist anymore! You may recall that he was once fired by an ungrateful employer! That was a private matter and was meant to remain one! :'''Batman''': Attempted homicide is never a "private matter", Nygma! :'''Riddler''': No, but it would have been if you hadn't interfered and turned Edward Nygma into a fugitive! So I deleted Nygma. Just as I'm about to delete you, Batman. :'''Batman''':Tell me this.. Riddler how can you spread your conscious thirty-two times..and still have the concentration to keep your world together? YOU CAN'T! Batman saves Gordon :'''Riddler''': No....NO..... I can escape that easy...but if the Planet was equitable...I'd still have my old Job....No...wait...I'M ...not Ready.....AHHHHH' :'''Gordon''': But we'll never find him :'''Batman''': I think he left us a clue..."If the planet were equitable, I'd still have my old job". :'''Robin''': Of course. If the "World's Fair," I'd still have my "Ex-position". Oh, give me a break. [Batman, Robin and Gordon find Riddler mind trapped in his virtual realty world] :'''Batman''': Looks like he didn't escape his virtual reality in time. :'''Robin''': You mean he's been trapped inside his own program? :'''Batman''': Could be and how to get him out may be a riddle no one can solve. ===''I Am The Night'' [1.49]=== :'''Batman''': A weary body can be dealt with. But a weary spirit? That's something else. Sometimes, old friend, I wonder if I'm really doing any good out there. :'''Alfred''': How can you doubt it? The lives you've saved, the criminals you've brought to justice-- :'''Batman''': I've put out a few fires, yes. Won a few battles. But the war goes on, Alfred. On and on... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Leslie Thompkins''': You seem quieter than usual tonight. :'''Batman''': Every year, I come here and wonder if it should be the last time. If I should put the past behind me, try to lead a normal life. :'''Dr. Thompkins''': [[George Santayana|Santayana]] says, "Those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it." :'''Batman''': He also said a fanatic is someone who redoubles his efforts while losing sight of his goal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I chose this life. I use the night - I ''became'' the night. Sooner or later, I'll go down. It might be the Joker, or Two-Face, or just some punk who gets lucky. My decision, no regrets. But I can't let anyone else pay for my mistakes. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': "[[Friedrich Nietzsche|When you look too long into the abyss, the abyss looks back through you.]]" Maybe it's time for Batman to return to the night that spawned him, before anyone else gets hurt! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[grabs Wizard]'' Up to your old tricks, I see. How about returning that suitcase to its owner? :'''Wizard''': Hey, man, I ''am'' the owner. :''[Batman, surprised, lets him go]'' :'''Wizard''': Y'know, I was kinda hoping I'd run into you. I'd been in those places like where you left me before. Heard the rap, wasn't impressed. But this time, it made sense. Maybe I was ready to hear it. So I'm heading back home. I guess I kinda owe it to you, Batman. You probably saved my life. I'll bet you hear this all the time. Look, I'm gonna miss my bus, I'll see you around. And... thanks. :''[Batman smiles as he watches Wizard leave]'' ===''Off Balance'' [1.50]=== :'''[[w:Talia al Ghul|Talia]]''': My contact lenses! I lost them when we fell! They counter the distortion effect. Without them, I'm as helpless as you. :'''Batman''': I don't do helpless. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Ra's al Ghul|Ra's al Ghul]]''': So even in defeat, the detective manages to achieve some small measure of victory. As you said, detective: this is not over. ===''The Man Who Killed Batman'' [1.51]=== :'''Joker''': You know, there's just one thing bothering me about your story, Sid. No body. No BATUS DELECTI so to speak. We need to pull a job tonight just to make sure. :'''Murphy, Joker's henchman''': Make sure what, boss? :'''Joker''': ''[surprised by Murphy's question]'' Why that old Batsy's bought the cave of course, and one more thing Murphy.....''[turning more annoyed]'' don't ask stupid questions. ''[pushes Murphy to the hyenas who scratch and lick him crazily, to Joker's satisfaction]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': I'll get the mop. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': When the cops come, stall them for awhile, just until Batman arrives. '' Got it?'' :'''Henchman''': Right, boss. :'''Joker''': ''[to Murphy, still scarred from the hyenas]'' Any questions, Murph? :'''Murphy''': No sir! :'''Joker''': ''[to Sid The Squid]'' Good man. And if Batman hasn't ''really'' gone to his final reward, ''we'll'' see that he gets there! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Dear friends... today is the day the Clown cried. And he cries not for the passing of one man, but for the death of a dream. The dream that he would someday taste the ultimate victory over his hated enemy. For it was the Batman who made me the happy soul I am today. How I agonized over the perfect way to thank him for that. Perhaps with a cyanide pie in the face. Or an exploding whoopie-cushion playfully planted in the Batmobile. But those dreams were dashed by the weaselly little gunsel sitting there in our midst. The cowardly insignificant gonif who probably got lucky when Batman slipped on the slime trail this loser left behind him. This mound of diseased hyena filth who's not fit to lick the dirt from my spats...! But I digress. The time for sorrow has passed. It's time to look to a future filled with smiles. And I'll be smiling again just as soon as we take that man THERE...and slap him in that box THERE...and roll him into that vat of acid THERE! Well that was fun...who's for Chinese?! ===''Mudslide'' [1.52]=== :'''Clayface''': ''[After civilians flee in terror upon seeing his true form]'' That's right, run! Run for your measly lives! Run from Clayface! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Clayface''': You've upstaged me for the last time, Batman. Time to bring down the curtain! ===''Paging The Crime Doctor'' [1.53]=== :'''Rupert Thorne''': You think you iced the Batman, huh? Heh heh heh... Not on your best day, Jake! I'd cover my back if I were you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce Wayne''': Bruce Wayne, Dr. Thorne. Thomas Wayne's son. Did you get my letter? :'''[[w:Joseph Campanella|Matthew Thorne]]''': Yes. Thomas Wayne... :'''Bruce Wayne''': I told you I can help with your legal costs, maybe even put in a good word with the judge. :'''Matthew Thorne''': Yes, but what do you get out of it? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Well, there is something you can do for me. :'''Matthew Thorne''': I knew it! I knew there'd be a catch. Sorry, Mr. Wayne. Matthew Thorne is no longer for sale! :'''Bruce Wayne''': I'm not looking for any illegal favors. :'''Matthew Thorne''': What then? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Something you know. Something only you can give me. ''[pause]'' Tell me about my father. :''[Dr. Thorne grins and camera pans out as he ushers Bruce to resume his seat]'' ===''Zatanna'' [1.54]=== :'''[[w:Zatanna|Zatanna]]''': What do you care about some leggy dame in nylons- or have I just answered my own question? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zatanna''': ''[About Batman's mask]'' What happened that made you put this on? :'''Batman''': A painful memory, and a promise. ===''The Mechanic'' [1.55]=== :'''The Penguin''': ''[furious at his men for stealing the wrong stamps by mistake]'' These are terrible! Terrible! :'''Eagleton''': ''[indignant]'' Come on, boss. Give me a break. We got you the stamps. What more do you want? :'''The Penguin''': ''[tossing the worthless stamps angrily]'' I wanted the rare ones! The reversed Audubons! These aren't worth enough to pay for the repairs to the limousine. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Earl Cooper''': ''[sees the damaged Batmobile]'' You been letting the kid drive again? :'''Robin''': Ha ha. Actually we were playing chicken with a penguin. :'''Batman''': Or three of his men. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Penguin is scrubbing license plates in prison]'' :'''Penguin''': ''[reading one]'' "1 BAT 4U"?! ''[breaks it in anger]'' ===''Harley and Ivy'' [1.56]=== :'''Joker''': NO, we didn't get the diamond! The Dork Knight showed up before we even got to the museum! I had a great shot at him, too. Except... my dear little Harley Quinn handed me the wrong gun! :'''Harley Quinn''': But puddin', it was kinda funny watching you shoot at him with the bang flag! ''[Rocco and Henshaw can't help laughing then stifle it as the Joker glares at them]'' :'''Joker''': ''[turning back to Harley]'' Funny? You presume to tell me what I should think is funny?!? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[Poison Ivy trips the alarm, spoiling and hers and Harley Quinn's separate robberies]'' Nice going, butterfingers! Why not turn on the Bat-Signal while you're at it? :'''Poison Ivy''': I wasn't TRYING to get caught! :'''Harley Quinn''': Could've fooled me! Hey, aren't you that plant lady Poison Oakie? :'''Poison Ivy''': Ivy! Poison IVY, not Oakie! :'''Harley Quinn''': Sorry! Harley Quinn, please to meet ya! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Poison Ivy is about to give an injection to Harley Quinn]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': I hate shots! I hate shots! :'''Poison Ivy''': Now, now. You're not immune to poison like I am, and you won't last ten minutes here in Toxic Acres without my antidote. ''[gives the injection]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': Oooh! Whew, you'd think after livin' with Mr. J, I'd be used to a little pain. :'''Poison Ivy''': Why do you put up with that clown? :'''Harley Quinn''': Don't get me wrong. My puddin's a little rough sometimes, but he loves me, really. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[sarcastically]'' Sure he does. You're just one big, forgiving doormat, aren't you? :'''Harley Quinn''': I am NOT a doormat! ...Am I? :'''Poison Ivy''': If you had a middle name, it would be Welcome. But cheer up, kid. You just need some lessons in good old female self-esteem. In other words, let's play with the boys on ''our'' terms. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': That should keep you big strong men busy while we weak little girls loot your trophy room. :'''Harley Quinn''': Gee, Ives, you got style! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[sighs softly]'' No offense, Ives, but I'm not very hungry. Somehow I don't feel like my old perky self. Something's missing. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[angrily slams her form on Harley's plate]'' Will you stop?! I can't believe you're still mooning over that psychotic creep! :'''Harley Quinn''': Well, maybe I'd feel better if I knew he missed me, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': HARLEY!!! This place is going to blinking blue blazes! Anybody seen my socks?! '''HARLEY!!!''' ''[the hyenas snarl at Joker]'' OH!! They snapped at me! What's going on, Rock? This place is a mess, no one's fed the hyenas and I can't find my socks! Where's Harley?! :'''Rocko''': Y-y-ya canned her, boss. Remember? :'''Joker''': So? She's always come back before. :'''Rocko''': Gee... I guess ya ain't seen the papers then. :'''Joker''': Papers?! What are you babbling about?! ''[snatches the newspaper from Rocko and reads an article of Harley's partnership with Poison Ivy]'' '''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!''''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[to Poison Ivy]'' I remember when I would go driving like this with Mr. J. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[imitating Harley Quinn]'' "Mr. J, Mr. J." Oh, change the record, Harl! You wanna be some wacko's victim the rest of your life?! ===''Shadow Of The Bat Part 1'' [1.57]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[indignant after reading about James Gordon's arrest]'' We'll see about this. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara Gordon]]''': So Batman can't help me? Fine. Let's see what Batgirl can do! ===''Shadow Of The Bat Part 2'' [1.58]=== :'''Two-Face''': Don't get wise with me, Mason. Remember who got you set up as Gordon's assistant? :'''Gil Mason''': Right, Harvey, right. :'''Two-Face''': ''[grabs him]'' Don't call me that! It's TWO-FACE to you, pretty boy! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I should've known it would be Two-Face. It's a perfect two-part plan. He consolidates the gangs while Mason takes over the police. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Gil Mason is about to murder James Gordon to become commissioner, and later mayor]'' :'''Gil Mason''': It's business, Jim. Nothing personal. Matter of fact, I respect you, I do. But a fellow has to take his opportunities where he finds them. And with you out of the way, I'll be mayor inside of a year! :'''Gordon''': You're SICK, Gil! ''[glances at Two-Face]'' A lot sicker than him! At least I can see his bad half! :'''Mason''': Sorry you feel that way. At least you won't have to worry about Barbara. I'll take good care of her. She's very fond of me, you know. :'''Gordon''': You piece of scum! I may not be able to stop you, but I know someone who will! :'''Mason''': I wouldn't get your hopes up. You see, there's been a recent decline in the bat population... ===''Blind As A Bat'' [1.59]=== :'''Penguin''': Your aim appears to be a little off today, Batman. I don't think you could hit the broad side of a barn, let alone the broad side of this bird! You're blind as a bat. Sightless and helpless. :'''Batman''': You've got ''one'' right. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': You have a call on your private line. :'''Bruce''': Then let's go! :'''Alfred''': In your condition, sir? :'''Bruce''': If you think a little inconvenience like this is going to stop me... :''[he knocks over a lamp]'' :'''Alfred''': Indeed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': ''[contacting Mayor Hill's office from the Raven]'' Quite a machine, this Raven. Amazing what its communications equipment can do. Don't you agree? You've received my instructions? :'''Mayor Hill''': They arrived by messenger this morning. You know, one-hundred million is a a lot of money. It'll take time to raise that much. :'''Penguin''': You're stalling, Hill. Obviously, you're not taking me seriously. I've warned you not to make that mistake. Apparently, I'll have to show you why. :''[shuts off communication and Hill angrily snaps his pencil in half]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Hill''': Just what I was afraid of. According to the controller's office, we can't come close to putting that ransom together. Not without shutting down basic municipal services. :'''Detective Bullock''': So what other options do we got? :'''Batman''': ''[emerging from the shadows]'' None, gentlemen. Which is why you're going to do exactly what the Penguin wants you to. ===''The Demon's Quest Part 1'' [1.60]=== :'''Ra's al Ghul''': As [[W:Napoleon|Napoleon]] told me, "A strong will can fuel a frail physique." <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Look at it, detective. One of the last of the rainforests. The world depends upon its oxygen, yet the rich see only profit in its destruction. You, who belong to the overclass, have much to answer for. :'''Batman''': Bruce Wayne donates millions of dollars a year to preserve these forests. :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Which are being depleted at the rate of 120,000 acres a day. Does your money solve this problem? No! It will take more than wealth. It will take power, and I fear, ruthlessness. Humankind must be forced to serve the planet instead of its own appetites. :'''Batman''': And you're the one who'll do the forcing? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': I am... qualified, yes. But I may not have sufficient lifetimes left to me. ===''The Demon's Quest Part 2'' [1.61]=== :'''Ubu''': Infidel! :'''Batman''': If you only knew how sick I am of you calling me that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ra's al Ghul''': The material of the Pit is an unknown chemical stew that bubbles to the Earth's surface only in certain key places. Even now, my people are placing bombs, such as that one, over the various Lazarus Pits around the world. These bombs are electronically linked to a private satellite already in Earth orbit. :'''Batman''': ''Orpheus''. :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Precisely. And at the moment when sun and moon are in proper alignment to cause the greatest upheaval in Earth's geomagnetic field, I shall send a signal to that satellite, beginning a countdown. Five minutes thereafter, one bomb will be lowered deep into the heart of each Pit. The satellite will in turn relay a microwave signal that will detonate all the bombs simultaneously. The multiple explosions will result in a global chain reaction. All the Lazarus Pits throughout the world will overflow. The globe will be saturated with their chemical solution, and when the resultant cataclysm has abated, there will come a blessed peace, and this poor, defiled planet shall find itself restored to its former pristine glory. :'''Batman''': But that will cost countless lives! :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Actually, Detective, we ''have'' counted: Two billion, fifty-six million, nine hundred and eighty-six thousand! A most impressive plan, would you not agree? :'''Batman''': Yes... I can see it clearly now for the first time. You are completely out of your mind. ===''His Silicon Soul'' [1.62]=== :'''Rossum''': You don't understand. You're not a man's mind in a robot's body. You're a robot. Period. :'''Bat-Duplicant''': You're lying! It's not possible! I know my family and friends! I remember names, faces, birthdays! I have memories! A past! :'''Rossum''': You have information. Data. Nothing more. Do you remember your first kiss? Your favorite song? The last time you tasted a really good steak? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[about the duplicant]'' Could it be it had a soul, Alfred? A soul of silicon, but a soul nonetheless. ===''Fire From Olympus'' [1.63]=== :'''Stavros''': Please! It's not what you think. I wasn't going to say anything. Honest! :'''[[w:Maxie Zeus|Maximillion "Maxie" Zeus]]''': Silence! First, you transgress against me. Then, you force me to descend to the mortal plane. And now, you tell me I know not what I think?! :'''Stavros''': No! :'''Zeus''': To the depths of Tartarus with you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zeus''': You bore me with these tales of petty human concerns. :'''Clio''': ''[annoyed]'' You're doing it again, Max. :'''Zeus''': You are Clio, my muse of history. Amuse me with tales of ancient times when mortals trembled at the name of Zeus. :'''Clio''': You want a story? I got one. Seems there was this guy named Max who, because he'd been lucky so far in the smuggling racket, believed himself to be untouchable, superior, godlike... :'''Zeus''': There's a cynical edge to your voice I don't appreciate. Know you not, I am above mortal constraints of right and wrong? :'''Clio''': No one is above the law, Max. :'''Zeus''': I make my own laws! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zeus''': Begone, Lord [[w:Hades|Hades]]. Get thee back to thine own realm. Do not come again to Olympus until bidden! :'''Batman''': I think I get the message. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Clio''': ''[telling Batman about Zeus]'' He wasn't always this way, you know. But then business got bad and he started handling cargo for the mob. After a while, with the pressure, the tension... things got confused. He's not living in the real world anymore. ''[awkwardly]'' Maybe you can relate to that? :'''Batman''': ''[after a short silence]'' You're the only one who can get me close enough to help him - while some of the man you knew still exists. ===''Read My Lips'' [1.64]=== :'''Batman''': How do you think I found this place? The phone book? I had help. ''Inside'' help. :'''[[w:Ventriloquist (comics)|Scarface]]''': My premonition! I knew I was right! Which one of you louses is it?! :'''Rhino''': It ain't me boss! :'''Scarface''': I know it ain't you, Rhino! You're too stupid to be a traitor! :'''Rhino''': Thanks, boss. :'''Scarface''': But whoever it is, they're gonna pay big time! Who is it?! You don't talk, you get the ultimate massage! :'''Batman''': And if I tell? :'''Scarface''': Maybe you just get run over by a truck. :'''Batman''': Tempting, but no. :'''Scarface''': Have it your way. Rhino! :''[Rhino gets ready to pull the lever to lower Batman to a pit of mannequins with razor-sharp fingernails]'' :'''Batman''': Hold it! :'''Scarface''': This is gettin' old, Bats. Last chance, who's the traitor? :'''Batman''': Him! The Ventriloquist! :''[everyone glares at the Ventriloquist]'' :'''Ventriloquist''': No, no! He's lying! I told you when he came into my room! :'''Scarface''': So what? Maybe you did 'cause I had ya cornered. Heard ya talkin' to Batman. :'''Batman''': ''[uses his own ventriloquism to imitate the Ventriloquist]'' Shut up, you blockhead! :'''Scarface''': WHAT DID YOU SAY?! :'''Ventriloquist''': It wasn't me! I didn't say that! My lips didn't move! :'''Scarface''': So what?! You're a ventriloquist! You're also a lyin' yellow liver-bellied two-face! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, Scarface! I'm loyal! I'd never! :'''Batman''': He's been feeding me information, in return for legal protection. ''[imitates the Ventriloquist again]'' You're going up the river, sawdust-for-brains! :'''Scarface''': Why, I oughta...! Waste the floor-flusher! Come on, I gave an order! ICE HIM! DO IT! DO IT NOW! :'''Muggsy''': But, boss, we ventilate the Ventriloquist, your, y'know... :'''Scarface''': I'M SURROUNDED BY TRAITORS! Okay, fine. Ya want something done right, do it yourself! ''[aims his gun at the Ventriloquist]'' ===''The Worry Men'' [1.65]=== :'''Veronica''': If ever someone led a worry-free life, it's you, Bruce Wayne. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce''': Tell me, Alfred: what's an ancient Mayan witch doctor doing on a Gotham skyscraper? :'''Alfred''': This isn't one of those Riddler questions, is it? :'''Bruce''': No, but it's just as confusing. <hr width="50%"/> :''[As Batman attempts to escape from his guillotine]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Oh, you're a clever one! But I will not be denied! As the great [[w:Lewis Carroll|Lewis Carroll]] said: "[[w:Jabberwocky|One, two, one, two, and through and through the vorpal blade went snicker-snack! He left it dead, and with its head, he went galumphing back!]]" <hr width="50%"/> :''[Freed from his mind control, the Mad Hatter's jaguar gang turn on him]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Stop! :'''Shaman''': Yes, stop. Leave him to the police. :'''Mad Hatter''': Thank you. Thank you, you generous, forgiving, ''[draws a gun from his hat]'' noble fool! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': I must say, after all the Hatter put him through, that fellow showed remarkable restraint. :'''Bruce''': When everything was said and done, all the shaman really wanted was to go home. In fact, I hear he even sent the Hatter a farewell gift. :''[The Hatter is seen tossing and turning in bed in Arkham]'' :'''Bruce''': Something to ensure that Jervis Tetch only dreams of a good honest life from now on. :''[A Batman doll is revealed from under the Hatter's pillow]'' ==Season 2== ===''Sideshow'' [2.1]=== :'''Killer Croc''': You know, there's something the brains back at the joint didn't think about. :'''Prison Guard''': Yeah, what's that? :'''Killer Croc''': Crocodile's got the strongest jaws of any animal around. ''[bites his handcuffs in half]'' :'''Prison Guard''': ''[spits the coffee out of his mouth and pins Croc with the shotgun]'' Get back! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman arrives with his shadow. Goliath wakes up and Batman covers Goliath's mouth by calming him down]'' :'''Batman''': Calm down, I won't hurt you. I'm just looking for someone: half man, half crocodile. ''[Goliath looks over worriedly]'' He's in there, isn't he? :'''Goliath''': ''[Pushes Batman to the cage]'' No! Stay away! ''[Holds him against it]'' He's one of us. Croc, run! :'''Batman''': ''[Kicks Goliath into the stomach]'' I don't wanna hurt you. :'''Goliath''': Don't worry, you won't. ''[Hits Batman with the big punch and Batman and Goliath starts fighting]'' :'''Killer Croc''': ''[Comes out of the house]'' You. ''[Gives Batman a spear]'' :'''Billy''': Richard, help! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Billy the Seal Boy''': Why, Croc? Why'd you turn on us like that? We could have helped you, we could have done something. :'''Killer Croc''': You said you can be yourself out here, remember? Well, I guess that's what I was doing - being myself. ===''A Bullet For Bullock'' [2.2]=== :'''Bullock''': Let's get something straight from the get-go. I think you're a freak and a menace, and those are your ''good'' points. But the commish says you serve a purpose, so I go along. :'''Batman''': I appreciate your honesty. What's the problem? :'''Bullock''': Somebody's got it in for me. Tried to give me a fender massage last night. It ain't the first time. Last week too. :'''Batman''': Any suspects? :'''Bullock''': So many, they could have their own zip code. I've put a lot of guys away, and they hate me for it. Looks like one of them hates me enough to do something about it. :'''Batman''': Why me? Why not just go to the department? :'''Bullock''': I step on a lot of toes. I don't want Internal Affairs looking at me too close. They might find some things I don't want found. :'''Batman''': Are you on the take? :'''Bullock''': Watch it, freak! I never took a dime from nobody! I just bend the rules a little sometimes, you understand. We're not all that different. :'''Batman''': We're on the same side, but we're ''not'' the same. I'll help you find out who's after you, but you've got to collar them clean. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': We ''are'' speaking of the same person, are we not? Harvey Bullock? The detective who looks like an unmade bed? :'''Batman''': The same. :'''Alfred''': He came to ''you'' for help? It must be serious. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Montoya''': Bullock? You okay? You don't look so good. I mean, you never look good, but today you look worse. :'''Bullock''': After fifteen years working in this cesspool, I'd like to see how good ''you'' look! <hr width="50%"/> :''[In the Batmobile]'' :'''Bullock''': Nice starship you got here. What's this for? ''[points towards a button]'' :'''Batman''': Passenger ejector seat. :''[Bullock withdraws nervously, while Batman smirks slightly]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bullock''': By the way, I still think you're a freak, but... thanks. ===''Trial'' [2.3]=== :'''Two-Face''': Basic fifty-fifty option. You get him off, you both go free. He goes down, you take the fall with him. :'''Mad Hatter''': Amusing idea, what? Kidnapping you to be Batman's attorney? :'''Two-Face''': Personally, I suggested a quick slug between the eyes... but I lost the coin toss. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarface''': Court is now in session! The Good People of Arkham Asylum vs. the Self-Righteous Vigilante Called Batman! Our prosecutor is ready, likewise our fair and impartial jury. :'''Mad Hatter''': Hang him! :'''Harley''': Shoot him! :'''Killer Croc''': Hit him with a rock! :'''Scarface''': And now, all rise for the most honorable, most benevolent, most merciful Judge Joker! :'''Joker''': GUILTY! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I was promised a chance to defend my client! :'''Joker''': Oh, very well. Like it'll make a difference. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I suppose that you, like your friends, claim that Batman ''drove'' you to be a criminal? :'''Mad Hatter''': He did. :'''Janet Van Dorn''': And yet, as I recall in your case, you brainwashed and kidnapped a woman who rejected you. :'''Mad Hatter''': Batman forced me to do it! He was going to take her away from me! I had no choice! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': You could have respected her wishes and left her alone. :'''Mad Hatter''': I'D HAVE KILLED HER FIRST! ''[gasps and covers his mouth, then turns to the Joker]'' I'd like that last statement stricken from the record, please. :'''Joker''': Record? Is someone supposed to be writing this down? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': And so it's Batman's fault you lead a life of crime? :'''Poison Ivy''': He should have let me bump off Harvey Dent. We'd all have been better off - wouldn't we, Harv? :'''Two-Face''': ''[muttering while flipping his coin]'' Why, you rotten little... :'''Janet Van Dorn''': But Miss Isley, isn't the real motivation for your crimes your obsession with plants? That you prefer them to people? :'''Poison Ivy''': I love plants, honey, but a rose is a rose. :'''Janet Van Dorn''': Then it doesn't bother you when someone, let's say the judge here, ''[plucks the flower from the Joker's robe]'' ruthlessly ''plucks'' a defenceless flower from the warm green earth? :'''Poison Ivy''': No! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': Even knowing he's given it his death sentence? That its petals must die? ''[starts pulling its petals out]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': Stop it...! :'''Poison Ivy''': One by one, withering, falling. One by one till it's all gone, ''honey.'' :''[She crushes the flower so that it crumbles apart. Ivy shrieks with rage and attacks her, and the Scarecrow and Mad Hatter rush in to restrain her]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Miss Ivy, please! :'''Scarface''': You look beautiful when you're angry. :''[Ivy smacks the Ventriloquist in the face, and Scarface laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I used to believe Batman was responsible for you people. But now I see nearly everyone here would have ended up exactly the same, Batman or not. Oh, the gimmicks might be different, but you'd all be out there in some form or another bringing misery to Gotham. The truth is, ''you'' created ''him.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Well done, counsellor. You've proven that Batman ''didn't'' create us - that we, in fact, messed up our own rotten lives! And as we are so rotten, vile and depraved... we're going to waste you anyway! :''[The inmates cheer and close in on Batman and Janet]'' :'''Joker''': [[w:Porky Pig|A-bi-a-bi-a-bi, that's all, folks!]] ''[bangs down a rubber chicken]'' Let's mambo! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I see now there's a need for the things you do. But I'm still going to work towards a city that doesn't need Batman. :'''Batman''': ''[smiling]'' Me too. ===''Avatar'' [2.4]=== :'''Lucius Fox''': Without a doubt, this will be one of the best museum exhibitions Gotham City has ever seen. You can be quite the humanitarian on occasion, Bruce. It's commendable. It's inspiring. :'''Bruce''': It's deductible. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce''': You've got a serious priority problem, Ra's. What can be in that tomb that's more valuable than the love of your daughter? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Power, detective. The power once held by almighty Thoth-Khepera, Queen of Two Continents. :'''Bruce''': You surprise me, Ra's. The world's oldest chauvinist chasing after a woman? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Thoth-Khepera was not simply a woman, detective, nor merely a ruler. Through her flowed the power of the gods. With no more than a gesture, she controlled the force of life and death, and with it, she kept a nation under her thumb for one thousand years. :'''Bruce''': You sound like a bad Saturday afternoon serial, Ra's. This is sheer nonsense. :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': No, detective - I know there is a power there to be tapped! My six hundred years of life are proof of that power. :''[Bruce and Talia are trapped in a glass booth]'' :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Farewell, detective. Farewell, Talia. It is said that one finds one's immortality in one's offspring. Alas, I know that to be a lie. ===''House and Garden'' [2.5]=== :'''Batman''': She's done nothing more incriminating than return an overdue video - even paid the late fee. :'''Alfred''': Could it be Ivy truly has reformed? :'''Batman''': I want to believe it. Why can't I? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You haven't changed a bit. :'''Poison Ivy''': Yes, I have. I meant it when I said I wanted a family that loves me. I just wanted it on my terms. :'''Robin''': Lady, you're nuts! :'''Poison Ivy''': Well, that's ''your'' opinion. Probably the last one you'll ever have, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': I'm just sorry she got away. :'''Batman''': Me too, Robin. But I don't think we'll see her again anytime soon. :''[The real Ivy is shown escaping on a plane out of Gotham, looking through a scrapbook]'' :'''Batman''': Ivy lost everything she had, everything she said she ever wanted. For what it's worth, I believed her when she told me that for the first time in her life... she was happy. :''[Ivy sheds tears as she looks at a photo of her wedding]'' ===''The Terrible Trio'' [2.6]=== :'''Warren''': Is this all you do for kicks, Bruce? Charity work? :'''Bruce''': Well, I do have a night life. Pull! ''[shoots down a clay pigeon]'' Besides, it's important to help others. It may sound corny, but hey, it's how I feel. :'''Warren''': You must recognize that you are a superior animal, Bruce. A member of the elite. Pull! ''[shoots down another clay pigeon]'' Take my Delta brothers and me. Why, we've run with the bulls! :'''Armand''': Shot game from hot air balloons! :'''Gunther''': Killed a great white! :'''Warren''': We've done it all. Ah, therein lies the problem. After all, what do the rajas do when there are no more tigers to hunt? :'''Bruce''': I'm sure you'll think of something, Warren. ''[leaves]'' :'''Warren''': Dollar for dollar, that has to be the dullest man in Gotham City. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Scoundrels like these are worse than the Joker. At least he's got madness as an excuse! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Let's go, Fox. You've raided your last chicken coop. :'''Warren''': Wait, wait a minute! We can make a deal! A million dollars to let me go! ''Ten'' million! Think about it. Buys a lot of Batarangs! :'''Batman''': ''[unimpressed]'' Your money's no good here. :'''Warren''': Okay, fine! Go ahead, take me in, hero! I've got every judge in town in my pocket! You'll see! I'll get justice! The best that money can buy! :''[Next, Warren is seen being ushered into a cell at Stonegate, where his burly new cellmate gives him a menacing look]'' ===''Harlequinade'' [2.7]=== :'''Harley''': ''[in handcuffs]'' I sense a lack of trust. :'''Robin''': Are you sure you don't need help keeping Zippy under control? :''[Harley picks the lock on her cuffs while Batman speaks]'' :'''Batman''': I'm fine. Besides, I need you to be ready if Gordon's men get any leads. I'll signal if there's trouble. :'''Robin''': You got it. :'''Harley''': I wanna listen to the radio! ''[reaches for the controls]'' :'''Batman''': DON'T--! :''[Harley Quinn deploys a parachute, causing the Batmobile to swerve wildly. When the Batmobile stops, Batman is furious]'' :'''Harley''': ''[timidly]'' Oops... :'''Batman''': Listen, and listen good. You don't touch anything, say anything, or DO ANYTHING UNLESS I TELL YOU! GOT IT?! :'''Harley''': Yes, sir. :'''Batman''': ''[turns away, Harley begins making faces at him]'' So far, Joker hasn't been seen in any of his old hideouts. I want you to show me the last place he used when he escaped. ''[catches her making a face, which she replaces with a sheepish grin]'' :'''Harley''': Okay! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Instead of taking you, the cops, and the Batman down separately? I'm gonna blast you all at once! ''[takes out his phone and speaks into it]'' Send down the plane, boys! We're blowing town! Literally. ''[gets off the phone]'' :'''Mayor''': But all those innocent people... :'''Joker''': Some joke on them, eh? Think of it as the ultimate punchline! Ha ha ha ha ha! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': It's lucky you were here, Quinn. The countdown sequence didn't leave Joker enough time to swing by Arkham and pick you up. :'''Joker''': Quiet, brat. :'''Harley''': You ''were'' gonna come for me, weren't you, Puddin'? :'''Joker''': Of course, pumpkin-pie! It's just that... well, here you are, so I can, err, save myself the trip! :'''Harley''': But what about all our friends, Ivy and Two-Face and... Hat-Guy and Lizard-Man and Puppet-Head and-- ''[Joker shoves her into the plane]'' :'''Joker''': What about them? :'''Batman''': Don't forget your little pets! :'''Harley''': ''[gasps]'' The babies! We can't leave the babies! :'''Joker''': ''[shoves Harley into the plane again]'' I'll buy you a goldfish! Let's go! :'''Harley''': ''[struggling]'' NO! :'''Joker''': Why, you little...! :''[Harley kicks him in the face]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley''': ''[points the gun against Joker]'' Freeze, clown! :'''Batman''': Quinn, stop! :'''Harley''': He's mine, Bats! :'''Joker''': ''[grinning]'' You wouldn't dare. You don't have the guts! Not in a million years would you-- :''[Harley pulls the trigger - and a flag that reads "Rat-Tat-Tat" comes out of the barrel. The Joker stares at her for a moment, and throws his arms wide to embrace her]'' :'''Joker''': Baby, you're the greatest! ===''Time Out Of Joint'' [2.8]=== :'''Mayor Hill''': You! How did you get past-- :'''The Clock King''': Good evening, Mayor! Nice to see you again too. And whose life are you ruining now? A poor pensioner? A malnourished orphan, perhaps? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Hill''': Please, Fugate, don't hurt me! :'''The Clock King''': If it's any comfort, my revenge will encompass more than just you. I intend to pass a most timely sentence on the entire judicial system. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': It's a shame that you've decided to keep this device a secret. :'''Dr. Wataki''': It would seem that the world is not quite ready for it yet. :'''Robin''': Gee, that's too bad for Fugate. I'm sure he'll wish he had something to make the days pass quicker where he's going. ===''Catwalk'' [2.9]=== :'''Scarface''': Calm down, pussycat. We're all friends here. ''[to the Ventriloquist]'' Dummy, don't keep our pretty guest in the dark. :'''Ventriloquist''': Yes, sir, Mr. Scarface. ''[turns on the lot, revealing him and Scarface]'' :'''Scarface''': Ah, that's better. :'''Selina Kyle''': ''[gasps]'' You gotta be kidding! ''[laughs]'' :'''Scarface''': What's she laughin' at? My fly ain't open, is it?! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, sir. :'''Scarface''': So what's the gag? :'''Selina Kyle''': Oh come on, you know! ''[in a goofy voice]'' "What's the gag?" :'''Scarface''': ''[aims his gun at Selina]'' Can it, sister! This is Scarface you're dealing with, and I don't stand for no disrespect. :'''Ventriloquist''': I'd do as he says, ma'am. Mr. Scarface can be quite insistent. :'''Scarface''': I don't think anyone's talking to you! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, sir. No, sir. :'''Selina Kyle''': Right... so, what do you want with me? :'''Scarface''': My boys happened to be in the museum when they saw your little set-to with Miss Ronnie V. They also seen you licking your whiskers at the sight of Ronnie's pretty sparklers. :'''Selina Kyle''': You're boring me, log. :''[the Ventrloquist pulls out an envelope from his coat]'' :'''Scarface''': So what if I could provide you with a foolproof plan to snatchin' those rocks with no risk of you gettin' caught? :'''Selina Kyle''': Pass. Kitty's been staying it at night. It's not the greatest, but it beats the pound, if you know what I mean. :'''Scarface''': Now, that's a darn shame. And I thought for sure you'd want a chance to get even with the Vreelands. Not just for yourself, ya understand, but for all those poor little stuffed critters what never had the chance to fight back. :'''Selina Kyle''': Oh, barf. :'''Scarface''': It's a 50/50 cut. Take it or leave it? You in or what? :''[Selina thinks about it for a while then picks up the envelope]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': What a pleasant surprise. Though I should warn you - breaking and entering is against the law. :'''Batman''': You would know. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarface''': [[w:Tweety|I thawt I thaw a putty tat!]] <hr width="50%"/> :''[Catwoman crushes Scarface under some logs]'' :'''Catwoman''': That's one way to remove a splinter. What's wrong, Ventriloquist? Cat got your tongue? :'''Ventriloquist''': Please, I never hurt you! Scarface, he's another person, not me, really! :'''Catwoman''': But he's inside you somewhere. And I'm going to keep scratching until I find him. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': [[w:Just So Stories|I am the cat who walks by herself.]] ===''Bane'' [2.10]=== :'''Thorne''': You almost didn't get paid. You're lucky these diamonds didn't get nabbed in the smuggling bust. :'''[[w:Bane (comics)|Bane]]''': No, Mr. Thorne. You are the lucky one. ''[He punches the punching bag across the room]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': He wrecked my car, Alfred. Between two guys, that's ''real'' personal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bane''': Toys. You try to fight me with pathetic little TOYS. You've got nothing! Beg for mercy! SCREAM MY NAME! :'''Batman''': Never. :'''Bane''': You are beaten! Now I will break you! ===''Baby-Doll'' [2.11]=== :'''Robin''': ''[on "Love That Baby"]'' I remember this show from when I was a kid. It still stinks. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At Wayne Manor, Summer Gleeson is on the telephone talking to Marv Wolfman at her office.]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': I don't care what Mayor Hill says. The people have a right to know, and if he won't talk to us-- ''[Batman drops a photo of Baby-Doll onto her desk]'' I'll call you back, Marv. ''[to Batman and Robin]'' Since when are you interested in has-been actors? :'''Batman''': Since that one's been kidnapping her co-stars. :'''Summer Gleeson''': You're serious? :'''Robin''': She's been picking them off, one by one. Any reason she'd have a grudge? :'''Summer Gleeson''': Actually, ''they'' should hate ''her.'' Dahl put them all out of work when she quit the series to become a "dramatic" actress. :''[Summer plays a video of Mary Dahl playing Lady Macbeth]'' :'''Mary Dahl''': What, will these hands never be clean? Here's the smell of the blood still. All the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand. :'''Robin''': Pee-yew! :'''Summer Gleeson''': That's what the critics said. Baby's dramatic career flopped, and when she tried to start her TV show again, the networks turned her down. :'''Batman''': That still doesn't explain why she's after her old cast. :'''Robin''': ''[picks up a cassette]'' Maybe there's a clue in these old episodes. :'''Summer Gleeson''': You can borrow them if you want. And when you crack the case, you can pay me back with an exclusive... ''[turns to see that they have gone]'' interview. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': Naughty, naughty, Daddys! Mustn't yell at your Baby like thats. :'''Tod Baker''': You're not my daughter, and we're not a family! We're actors, remember?! You cancelled our show because you whined you weren't getting enough attention! :'''Baby-Doll''': ''[putting on a sad face]'' But I knows now I made a boo-boo! ''[sniffles and breaks character]'' It was hard for me out there. I studied and trained and auditioned, but no one wanted me. ''[plays the sound of a crowd going "Aww..." on her tape recorder]'' Over the years, I remembered how happy I was with all of you around me, and the folks at home watching me each week. Me, ''[goes back into her "cute" voice]'' Baby-Doll! ''[giggles]'' Now I'm Baby for good, and everyone will love me agains! Hugs, hugs! :''[Her goons force the actors to share a hug with her, and she plays the "Aww..." again]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': ''[watching episodes of Baby Doll's old TV show]'' Remember that time Poison Ivy nearly smothered us in those vines, with the ''really'' sharp thorns? :'''Batman''': Yes. :'''Robin''': This is worse. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': ''[after her TV brother is rendered unconscious by her bodyguard]'' Sorry I had to play roughs, Tippy. I didn't mean to. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': ''[Mariam kicks Robin around]'' Wow, lady! You're good! :'''Mariam''': It's a living... <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman pursues Baby-Doll in a funhouse tunnel maze]'' :'''Baby-Doll''': Silly Mr. Batman can't catch me! :'''Batman''': Don't run away! I know you're scared, confused - I can help you! :'''Baby-Doll''': Liar, liar, cape on fire! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': Game's over, Mr. Batman! ''[laughs]'' I WIN! ''[Batman fires his grappling gun, knocking the doll-gun down a slide]'' No fair! ''[runs to retrieve it, and stumbles into a room full of fun-house mirrors. Picks up the gun, wandering through the various distorted reflections, until she comes to one that shows her as an adult]'' Look! That's me in there. The ''real'' me! There I am... ''[touches the reflection, and her face changes]'' ...But it's not ''really'' real, is it? Just... made up and pretend, like my family and my life and everything else! ''[turns to face Batman, who stands behind her]'' '''''WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST LET ME MAKE-BELIEVE?!''''' ''[fires at mirrors, and cries after breaking the mirror with her adult reflection. Batman approaches her]'' I didn't ''mean'' to... ===''The Lion And The Unicorn'' [2.12]=== :''[Alfred breaks a chair over a thug's head.]'' :'''Robin''': And here all I thought you dusted was furniture. :'''Alfred''': A [[w:Louis XV|Louis Quinze]]; what a pity. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred Pennyworth''': ''[after being drugged with a truth serum]'' You'll get nothing but gibberish out of me, madam. I come from haunts of cootenfern and knicker sudden Sally. Uh... dee-dum dee-dum dee-dum dee-dum, and bicker down the valley. :'''Red Claw''': And people wonder why no one takes Britain seriously anymore. ===''Showdown'' [2.13]=== :'''Sheriff''': Well, well. Jonah Hex, his own bad self. Been here five minutes and you ain't killed nobody nor set nothin' on fire. Slippin', ain't you? :'''[[w:Jonah Hex|Jonah Hex]]''': I'm still a little bushed. :'''Sheriff''': Fact is, you look a little past it, Hex. Not tired, just all used up. :'''Hex''': Well, when I get pushed, I can still shoot a fly out from between its wings. Provided the light's right, of course... and it's a big ''plump'' fly. :''[The sheriff glances down at his own portly figure. Two other bargoers retreat outside, sensing trouble.]'' :'''Sheriff''': I ain't got nothin' on you, Hex... yet. Just remember, them wanted posters say "dead or alive". You might try "alive" this time. :'''Hex''': First time for everything. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duvall''': It would appear we have ourselves a government spy. A rather disreputable-looking one at that. Well, Mr. Spy, I'd say your plan has failed, and the railroad is doomed. :'''Hex''': I ain't no spy! I'm Jonah Hex, and I don't give a tinker's cuss about no railroad. I've come to get ''you'', Arkady Duvall, on account of what you done to that girl back east. :'''Duvall''': ''[chuckles]'' You mean to say, you've tracked me across ''twelve states'' because of that? :'''Hex''': Well, there's also the matter of a 200 dollar reward. That part don't hurt my feelings none. :'''Duvall''': You're either a liar or a fool. :'''Hex''': I've been known to be foolish, but ain't ''nobody'' calls me a liar and goes to bed happy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hex''': Now! Let's you and me dance. :'''Duvall''': You cannot defeat me. I am a Heidelberg fencing champion. :'''Hex''': My heart's all a-flutter. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duvall''': Five thousand in gold, take it. Leave me be. :'''Hex''': It ain't about money, boy. It's about justice. And I aim to serve you some. :'''Duvall''': Let me live, please! :'''Hex''': I will. Only because it's too much trouble to haul your stinkin' carcass back east. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You left Duvall to his fate a century ago. Why come back for him now? :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Did you really think, detective, that in my six hundred years of life, I would have sired only ''one'' offspring? Even before the Phoenix debacle, I had come to realize that Arkady was too unbalanced and cruel to wisely rule my empire. :'''Batman''': But you couldn't forget about him. :'''Ra's al Ghul''': What father can ever forget his son? Come now, detective, I've still a few good years left. We will cross swords another day. But for now, let me take my boy home. ===''Riddler's Reform'' [2.14]=== :''[After learning about the theft of historical antiquities on TV]'' :'''Riddler''': ''[in Bruce's memory]'' Those are things of the past, Batman. Ancient history that's gone now. I'm a new man! But you probably won't figure that out before it's too late! ''[laughs]'' :'''Bruce''': ''He'' did it. :'''Dick''': Who? :'''Bruce''': The Riddler. Remember what he said: "Things of the past." "Ancient history that's gone now." Look! :'''Dick''': Gee, I don't know. His riddles aren't usually that subtle. Besides, he's got a multimillion dollar deal with that toy company. Why would he throw it away over some stupid riddle crime? :'''Bruce''': Because that's the way his warped mind works. He's obsessed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': He's right, you know. :'''Manny''': Who? :'''Riddler''': Batman. He ''is'' going to catch me, sooner or later. :'''Manny''': Gee, boss, you're scaring me. You're talking kinda crazy. :'''Riddler''': DON'T YOU ''EVER'' CALL ME THAT! I fooled the police, the doctors, the Parole Board - all of them! There's only one person who's ever been able to challenge me: ''BATMAN!'' He's the only one worthy of the game! :'''Manny''': But you said sooner or later he's gonna catch you. What are you gonna do? :'''Riddler''': I'm never going back to Arkham! So I guess there's only one thing to do! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': Hello, Batman. This is it: the end of the game. I'm a little sad actually. You were a worthy opponent. But then, I told you I'd make a ''killing'' at the Toy Fair! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': ''[ranting in a cell in Arkham]'' It's IMPOSSIBLE, I tell you! Impossible! My trap was perfect! How did he do it?! I have to know! SOMEBODY TELL ME! IT'S NOT FAIR! THERE WAS NO WAY, I TELL YOU! NO WAY HE COULD HAVE GOTTEN OUT! SOMEBODY TELL ME! DO YOU HEAR ME?! SOMEBODY TELL ME HOW HE DID IT! I HAVE TO KNOW! '''''I HAVE TO KNOOOOOOOOOW!!!''''' ===''Second Chance'' [2.15]=== :'''Penguin''': And what might ''you'' be doing out there? Catching insects for dinner? :'''Batman''': I'm looking for Two-Face. :'''Penguin''': What, did you lose him? ''[chuckles]'' :'''Batman''': Somebody kidnapped him from Gotham Central tonight. You and he had a disagreement sometime ago, didn't you? :'''Penguin''': It's true. Harvey stole a rare ''avis'' right out from under my beak several months ago. A jewel-encrusted statuette of a two-headed [[w:roc (mythology)|roc]]. It was worth millions. But, my dear rodent, I'd never kidnap a fellow rogue out of his sickbed. It just isn't done. :'''Batman''': Honour among thieves? :'''Penguin''': Absolutely. If I were going to attack Harvey, I'd do it face to face... to face, heh, so to speak. Like THIS! ''[laughs and unleashes his birds on Batman]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You may as well come out. I know everything now. :''[A man emerges, his identity obscured by shadows]'' :'''Batman''': You hated Harvey Dent, and would do anything to destroy him. :''[Lightning flashes, revealing the man to be Two-Face himself]'' :'''Two-Face''': Why not? He was going to destroy me. Just like I'm going to destroy you! ''[attacks him]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Harvey, pull yourself up! :'''Harvey''': I can't! I'll drop the coin! :'''Batman''': Drop it! Save yourself! :'''Harvey''': I... I don't know what to do. The coin won't tell me! :'''Batman''': It can't tell you anything! I switched coins when you grabbed me! :'''Robin''': ''[swings and kicks the thugs out of Batman's way]'' Good thing I decided to tag along after all. :'''Batman''': It's a trick coin! It'll always land on edge! It's ''your'' decision now, Harvey! Life or death? The coin or me? :''[Robin threw the batarang to hit the elevator button to send the thug in an elevator, thunderstruck and Harvey/Two-Face decided to drops the coin]'' :'''Harvey''': Batman, help me. :''[Batman tries to give Harvey a hand, but Two-Face suddenly regains control]'' :'''Two-Face''': Never! ''[punches Batman and falls]'' :'''Batman''': ''HARVEY!!!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harvey''': ''[seen in half-shadow, making him appear to once again be Harvey Dent instead of Two-Face]'' Bruce? Good old Bruce. Always there. You never give up on me. :''[Bruce Wayne smiles and pats Harvey's shoulder before he is escorted away]'' :'''Dick''': He's right. You're always there for him. :'''Bruce''': Yes, just like you're always there for me. :'''Dick''': Hey, what are friends for? ===''Harley's Holiday'' [2.16]=== :'''Scarecrow''': I am the Master of Fear! The Lord of Despair! Cower before me in witless terror! :'''Harley''': Hi, Professor Crane! :'''Scarecrow''': ''[Smiling fondly]'' Good evening, child. ''[To Batman and Robin, furiously]'' Worship me, you fools! Worship me! Scream hosannas of anguish to Scarecrow, the all-terrible God of Fear! ''[Guards take him away]'' :'''Robin''': I think he's getting better. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley''': I'm having a BAD DAY! I'm sick of people trying to shoot me, run me over and blow me up! I didn't even get to keep my new dress - I ACTUALLY PAID FOR IT! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman and Robin take Harley back to Arkham]'' :'''Harley''': ''[sadly]'' [[w:To market, to market|Home again, home again, diggity dig...]] :'''Dr. Joan Leland''': Not for too long, though. Ms. Vreeland dropped the kidnapping charges. With a little more hard work, you should be ready to re-enter society for good. :'''Harley''': Yay... ''[to Batman]'' There's one thing I've gotta know. Why'd you stay with me all day, risking your butt for someone who's never given you anything but trouble? :'''Batman''': I know what it's like to try and rebuild a life. ''[takes her dress out of a bag]'' I had a bad day too, once. :'''Harley''': ''[takes the dress, smiling]'' Nice guys like you shouldn't have bad days. ===''Lock-Up'' [2.17]=== :'''Scarecrow''': Don't take me back there, please! Look at me, Batman! I'm shaking with fear! Me! The Scarecrow! I wasn't even going back to crime this time! I just had to get away from... HIM! :'''[[w:Lock-Up (comics)|Lyle Bolton]]''': I'll take it from here, Batman. Lyle Bolton, Chief of security. Congratulations, Professor Crane. You're the first inmate to escape Arkham under my charge. ''[He grabs Crane by the collar; Crane whimpers]'' You're also the last. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bartholomew''': Miss Quinn? Do you have any complaints against Mr. Bolton? :''[Lyle Bolton sneers threateningly at Harley Quinn]'': :'''Harley Quinn''': I got nothing to say. :'''Bartholomew''': But surely you must have something you wish to- :'''Harley Quinn''': You got a hearing problem or something?! NO! NADA! IXNAY! ZERO! ZILCH! BUPKES! NOTHING! OKAY?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': He threatens us! Takes away our privileges, even when we're good! :'''[[w:Lock-Up (comics)|Lyle Bolton]]''': We've heard enough of this nonsense. :'''Jonathon Crane''': He says scum like us must be kept in line! That's why he chains us down at night and electrifies our doors! :'''Scarface''': He held me over a can filled with a termites! Ya hear me?! ''TERMITES!'' :'''Harley Quinn''': He's an animal! :'''Ventriloquist''': A monster! :'''Jonathon Crane''': Keep him away! :'''Lyle Bolton''': '''SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU!''' :''[The guards retrain Lyle Bolton, he kicks the table, resists the guards and attack and them; he threatens to kill the inmates, and Bruce Wayne trips him with the chair]'' :'''Lyle Bolton''': You're all scum! You should be beaten within an inch of your misbegotten lives! :'''Bartholomew''': I've seen enough! ''[pounds the gravel]'' Lyle Bolton, you're dismissed! :'''Lyle Bolton''': Before I came here, Arkham was a revolving door for every maniac in Gotham. ''I'' kept them in! '''ME!''' Now I realize I was wrong to punish those pathetic miscreants! '''THEY'RE ONLY SYMPTOMS! ''YOU'RE'' THE CAUSE! THE GUTLESS POLICE, MINDLESS BUREAUCRATS, AND CODDLING DOCTORS! YOU SHOULD ALL BE LOCKED UP IN A CAGE WITHOUT A KEY!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lock Up''': I could have rid Gotham of the fools in city hall and the police department! We could have made our own order! :'''Batman''': I was born to fight your brand of order! :'''Lock Up''': If that's your decision...! ===''Make 'Em Laugh'' [2.18]=== :'''Dispatcher''': Disturbance reported at the top of the Crown restaurant. Suspect is a male costumed extremist armed with what appears to be a... ketchup gun. :'''Batman''': It's going to be one of those nights. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Condiment King''': So long, suckers! Parting is such "sweet-and-sour" sorrow. ''[Batman yanks away his loot bag]'' What's this? Ah! The big bad Bat-guy. I knew you'd "ketchup" to me sooner or later. How I've "relished" this meeting. You, the dynamic Dark Knight, versus me, the conceptual Condiment King! Come, Batman. Let's see if you can "cut the mustard". :'''Batman''': Quiet! ''[punches the King in the stomach]'' :'''Condiment King''': ''[slumps to ground, gasping]'' You hit me! :'''Batman''': Now listen, Mustard Man, or whatever you call yourself. You're obviously new at this, so I'm willing to go easy on you, provided you give back the loot and never even think about doing this again. Deal? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Buddy's agent''': I don't get it. Buddy's just thrown his entire career away. The network's cancelling his show and the restaurant's suing him for a million dollars. Why did he do it? It just doesn't make sense. ===''Deep Freeze'' [2.19]=== :'''Batman''': Men like Walker are obsessed with getting their own way. And they don't let little things like the ''law'' stop them. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grant Walker''': Do you realize that in your half-frozen state, you will age more slowly than an ordinary human? You're practically immortal, my friend! :'''Mr. Freeze''': Yes, eternal life trapped in this wretched shell! What a miserable joke. :'''Grant Walker''': Miserable to you, but a godsend to me. Look at me, Mr. Freeze, I'm an old man. I've created wonders in my lifetime, but there is still so much to do! I want to change as you have. To become, like you, a being of blessed, eternal cold. :'''Mr. Freeze''': You're insane. :'''Grant Walker''': Only you know how to duplicate the accident that made you what you are. What I long to become! :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[grabs him]'' You want to live like this? Abandoned and alone? A prisoner in a world you can see but never touch? ''[drops him and turns away]'' Old and infirm as you are, I'd trade a thousand of my frozen years for your worst day. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grant Walker''': Every time I open a park, I get gatecrashers. :'''Batman''': We've seen your insane vision of the future, Walker. :'''Grant Walker''': My world will have no crime, violence or pain. :'''Robin''': You can add free will to that list too! :'''Grant Walker''': A small price to pay for order. :'''Batman''': ''Your'' order! For your select few! :'''Grant Walker''': Excuse me, but I fail to see the problem with that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You can't let Walker do this. Billions of people will perish! :'''Mr. Freeze''': That's not my concern. All that matters is I once again have my wife, and the means to restore her. :'''Batman''': She'll wake up in a dead, frozen world that ''you'' helped destroy. She'll ''hate'' you for that! :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''Silence.'' :'''Batman''': You think you're alone now? Wait until she learns the truth. :'''Mr. Freeze''': '''I SAID ''SILENCE!''''' ''[blasts at Batman and Robin, knocking them backward, then turns back to Nora with a saddened face]'' Forgive me... ''[frees Batman and Robin]'' Come, there is much to do. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Dick recovers from hypothermia]'' :'''Dick''': Man, if I spent any more time in that immersion tank, I'd be growing gills. :'''Bruce''': I'm just glad I was able to get you back here in time. :'''Dick''': Thanks. For a while I thought I'd end up like Walker, trapped in a ice cube forever. What about Mr. Freeze? Do you think he's gone for good? :'''Bruce''': I'm not sure. But if Freeze's condition has made him truly immortal... we may not have seen the last of him. ===''Batgirl Returns'' [2.20]=== :'''Catwoman''': Bats are just mice with wings, little girl. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Batgirl|Batgirl]]''': So, what are you going to do? Leave us over one of these vats with acid burning through the rope? :'''Daggett''': ''[Laughs]'' If there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's that you crime-fighting types are very resourceful. So, I'll just have my men shoot you and throw your bodies in the vats. == About ''{{PAGENAME}}'' == *'''PD''': If I had to differentiate between [Batman and Superman], I'd say Superman is sort of about hope. You've got this guy who's an alien and not truly human, but he personifies all the best qualities of humanity. He's sort of an example of what it would be nice to be like. We would all like to be like Superman. We would all like to have power, compassion, the ability to settle problems in a good way, and maybe [be able to] wink to ourselves about how nobody else besides us knows we really have this secret power and we keep it ourselves. There's not a lot of angst with Superman. If there is, it's more like, "I wish I could tell Lois who I really was." Batman is how you'd like to be if you [could] break someone's neck: "I'm pissed off, and I want to go out and do something about it." Superman waits for trouble to happen, and then he goes off and stops the problem. Batman's looking for trouble; he doesn't really start it, but he's out there looking. And if he sees something going on, he just jumps into the middle of it. :'''JA''': Batman's sort of a sociopath too. :'''PD''': He's absolutely a sociopath. He's a sociopath with a lot of money, and he's got a sense of right and wrong. I don't think he's totally bereft of some sort of compassion or feeling for some of the villains. He doesn't go after somebody like Mr. Freeze without a small bit of compassion for the man, or maybe someone like the Mad Hatter, or even Harley, whom he thinks is certainly a pain in the ass, but I think he kind of wishes she'd get her act together and wise up at some point. <br> But with darker characters like the Scarecrow and the Joker, he's basically out to make sure they never get out again - whatever it takes to take them down. Somebody like the Joker is probably the least human of all of Batman's Rogues Gallery. That was why I never wanted to do a story that humanizes the Joker, like we did with the Mad Hatter or Mr. Freeze, because I just don't think the character lends itself to that. He's almost supernatural in a way; he's somebody who's just thoroughly insane, who does what he wants to do, and who has a grudge against Batman. He probably likes horrifying people with his clownish appearance as much as Batman terrorizes criminals with his nightmare-like appearance. The Joker is pretty inhuman. I'd say the same thing about the Scarecrow. He is someone who really gets turned on by scaring people. He's like the anti-Batman. He's a weak, very unimposing man until he puts on the Scarecrow costume, and then goes out and gasses people with fear gas, and he watches them squirm. There's probably a big turn-on seeing people helpless in front of him screaming in fear. *'''PD''': When [[w:Tim Burton|Tim Burton]]'s ''[[Batman (1989 film)|Batman]]'' came out, that was the way to go. Now [[w:Joel Schumacher|Joel Schumacher]]'s [[Batman Forever|Batman]] is out there, and people are flocking to the movies, so they"re saying, "Can you lighten up the show a little bit? Can you have more fun with it?" So that's what we were charged with doing, and that's what we've done: to lighten up the color palette a little bit, so that every character's not just in dark colors. Robin, for instance, is now black, red, and gold, instead of green. Nightwing is black and a light, almost iridescent, blue. We've also given it a little more of a kid-friendly look. :* [[w:Paul Dini|Paul Dini]], [http://animationarena.com/batman_the_animated_series.html "Batman: The Animated Series"], ''Animation Arena''. * The thing with the Batman show—even though it's one of the most beautiful and well-written shows, and it really gets into Batman—is that it doesn't really move that fast. The fight scenes aren't that intense, and it doesn't really go actiony. There's a lot of walking and talking in it. It looks great, but it needs that kick of having action. And I think that's another thing that kids are picking up on: For the first time, you're actually seeing superheroes really fight bad guys. In a lot of the cartoons when I was growing up, like [[w:Super Friends|Super Friends]], there was no fighting of bad guys. They would just get sent off to jail. It was wacky, it was silly, it wasn't intense, and there wasn't real fighting and stuff in it. ** [[w:Craig McCracken|Craig McCracken]] [http://www.avclub.com/article/the-powerpuff-girls-13665 "The Powerpuff Girls"], Keith Phipps, ''A.V.Club'', Jun 21, 2000. == Cast == * [[Kevin Conroy]] - [[w:Batman|Bruce Wayne/Batman]] * [[w:Loren Lester|Loren Lester]] - [[w:Dick Grayson|Dick Grayson/Robin]] * [[w:Melissa Gilbert|Melissa Gilbert]] - [[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara Gordon/Batgirl]] * [[w:Clive Revill|Clive Revill]]/[[w:Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.|Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.]] - [[w:Alfred Pennyworth|Alfred Pennyworth]] * [[w:Bob Hastings|Bob Hastings]] - [[w:James Gordon (comics)|Commissioner James Gordon]] * [[w:Robert Costanzo|Robert Costanzo]] - [[w:Harvey Bullock (comics)|Detective Harvey Bullock]] * [[w:Ingrid Oliu|Ingrid Oliu]]/Liane Schirmer - [[w:Renee Montoya|Officer Renee Montoya]] * [[Mark Hamill]] - [[w:The Joker (comics)|The Joker]] * [[w:Arleen Sorkin|Arleen Sorkin]] - [[w:Harley Quinn|Dr. Harleen Quinzel/Harley Quinn]] * [[Paul Williams (songwriter)|Paul Williams]] - [[w:Penguin (comics)|Oswald Cobblepot/The Penguin]] * [[Adrienne Barbeau]] - [[w:Catwoman|Selina Kyle/Catwoman]] * [[w:John Glover (actor)|John Glover]] - [[w:Riddler|Edward Nygma/The Riddler]] * [[w:Richard Moll|Richard Moll]] - [[w:Two-Face (comics)|Harvey Dent/Two-Face]] * [[w:George Dzundza|George Dzundza]] - [[w:The Ventriloquist (comics)|Arnold Wesker/The Ventriloquist/Scarface]] * [[w:Henry Silva|Henry Silva]] - [[w:Bane (comics)|Bane]] * [[w:Aron Kincaid|Aron Kincaid]] - [[w:Killer Croc|Killer Croc]] * [[w:Marc Singer|Marc Singer]] - [[w:Man-Bat|Dr. Kirk Langstrom/Man-Bat]] * [[w:Ron Perlman|Ron Perlman]] - [[w:Clayface|Matt Hagen/Clayface]] * [[w:Diane Pershing|Diane Pershing]] - [[w:Poison Ivy (comics)|Dr. Pamela Isley/Poison Ivy]] * [[w:Henry Polic II|Henry Polic II]] - [[w:Scarecrow (DC comics)|Dr. Jonathan Crane/The Scarecrow]] * [[w:Roddy McDowall|Roddy McDowall]] - [[w:Mad Hatter|Dr. Jervis Tetch/The Mad Hatter]] * [[w:Michael Ansara|Michael Ansara]] - [[w:Mr. Freeze|Dr. Victor Freeze/Mr. Freeze]] * [[David Warner (actor)|David Warner]] - [[w:Ra's al Ghul|Ra's al Ghul]] ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} {{Batman}} [[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated superhero TV shows]] [[Category:Animated Batman TV shows]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Animated television programs based on Detective Comics]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Fox Broadcasting Company animated television series]] [[Category:Television series by Warner Bros. Animation]] 5udyu0m8pjaujfqhdmpnjhgvto7l5pv 3778924 3778923 2025-07-14T22:50:53Z 2A00:23C7:8583:8901:5157:8FC5:8DBF:8C56 /* Feat Of Clay Part 2 [1.21] */ 3778924 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Batman-_The_Animated_Series_logo.svg|thumb|I am [[vengeance]]. I am the [[night]]. I am, '''[[Batman|BATMAN]]'''!]] {{italic title}} '''''[[W:Batman: The Animated Series|Batman: The Animated Series]]''''' is an American animated superhero television series based on the [[DC Comics]] superhero Batman. It was succeeded by ''[[The Adventures of Batman & Robin]]'' and ''[[The New Batman Adventures]]''; the first production in the [[w:DC Animated Universe|DC Animated Universe]]. ==Season 1== ===''On Leather Wings'' [1.1]=== :'''Batman''': ''[reading the paper]'' "Gotham Police Declare War on Batman"? :'''Alfred''': I gather you've been reading ''[[w:How to Win Friends and Influence People|How to Make Friends and Influence People]]''? :'''Batman''': Somebody's setting me up. :'''Alfred''': My heavens. You mean it ''wasn't'' you tossing guards out of windows last night? :'''Batman''': ''[amused]'' I only toss butlers, Alfred. <hr width='50%'/> :'''[[w:Rene Auberjonois|Dr. March]]''': You donate a few million, and you think you own the place. I understand I'm to analyse something for you? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Yeah, doc. See, I keep hearing squeaks in my chimney, and I found these in my empty fireplace. They look like hairs. I thought maybe you could tell me if I have a bat problem. :'''Dr. March''': And what if they are bats, Mr. Wayne? What then? Destroy them like insects? We won't survive the next evolutionary cataclysm, but bats will! They're survivors, Mr. Wayne, not pests! You should understand that! <hr width='50%'/> :'''Dr. Kirk Langstrom''': ''[enters laboratory upon hearing noises]'' Who's back there? ''[spots Batman]'' You...! :'''Batman''': I'm looking for Dr. March. :'''Langstrom''' He's not here, Batman. :'''Batman''': Where is he? :'''Langstrom''': Giving a lecture on human extinction and bat evolution. He's really quite brilliant. :'''Batman''': He's misguided, and a thief. ''[holds up a vial of the serum]'' :'''Langstrom''': He's just a theorist, he was afraid to put it to the test. But I wasn't. I knew he'd discovered a formula to create a totally new species, neither man nor bat. And once I started taking it, I couldn't stop. I desperately wanted to, but... ''it'' took over. Francine and March tried to protect me, but it was too late. The beast knew what chemicals were needed to bring itself about! It was out of my control! And it only needs one more component to complete the process! ''[voice lowering]'' It's in ''ME'', Batman! ''[laughs maniacally and begins to change into Man-Bat]'' <hr width='50%'/> :'''Bullock''': Let's go! :'''Lieutenant''': I can’t do it, sir! :'''Bullock''': Whaddaya mean "you can’t do it"?! :'''Lieutenant''': I just got word not to let you up without the Commissioner! :'''Bullock''': Who told you that?! :'''Lieutenant''': The Commissioner! ''[points at Gordon as he arrives]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Get out, Detective! The Mayor may not let me fire you, but I am ''not'' taking the heat for your fiasco! :'''Bullock''': This is my case, Commissioner! You heard the Mayor! :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Then why don't you go take it up with him?! I've got a job to do! If you wanna tag along, fine! ''[gets into the helicopter]'' Take her up, Lieutenant! :'''Bullock''': ''[trying to clamber in as it takes off]'' Hey! Wait for me! ===''Christmas With The Joker'' [1.2]=== :''[the Arkham Asylum inmates practice signing Jingle Bells as other inmates set up a giant Christmas tree]'' :'''Joker''': Jingle bells! Batman smells! Robin laid an egg! ''[gets a tree-topper and climbs to install it]'' The Batmobile lost a wheel and the Jo-ker got a-wa-a-a-ay! ''[attaches the ornament and the Christmas Tree ignites, revealed as a rocket. Joker clambers at it launches]'' Crashing through the roof! In a one-horse-open tree! Busting out I go! Laughing all the WHEEEEE! ''[the "rocket-tree" flies off into the distance as he sings]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the Christmas with the Joker show]'' :'''Joker''': Rumor has it, Christmas is a time to share with family. :'''Laugh track''': Yea! :'''Joker''': And since I don't have one of my own... :'''Laugh track''': Aww... :'''Joker''': I decided to STEAL one! :'''Laugh track''': Yea! :'''Joker''': And here they are: The Awful Lawful Family! ''[lights turn on and reveal Gordon, Summer, and Bullock tied up and gagged]'' Aren't they just the cutest family you've ever seen? :'''Batman''': ''[watching in the Batmobile]'' It's never easy with the Joker. :'''Joker''': Meet Daddy Lawful! ''[ungags Gordon]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': YOU DISEASED MANIAC! I'LL- ''[Joker gags him again]'' :'''Joker''': Hmm. Looks like I'll have to teach Daddy some manners. And here's Mommy Lawful! ''[ungags Summer]'' :'''Summer Gleason''': HELP! SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP US- ''[Joker gags her again]'' :'''Joker''': Ho ho ho, isn't she jolly? And here we have little Baby Lawful! Coochie coochie coo! ''[ungags Bullock]'' :'''Detective Bullock''': WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, I'LL RIP YOUR- ''[Joker gags him again]'' :'''Joker''': I'll bet Batman wishes he had a family just like mine. Personally I think relatives are a bore, so Batman can have them... ''[points to clock showing 10:30PM] if'' he can find them by midnight! Otherwise... ''[makes a throat-slashing motion and laughs]'' ===''Nothing To Fear'' [1.3]=== :''[Bruce is introduced to Dr. Long and he offers a handshake]'' :'''Dr. Long''': ''[looks at hand and pouts off]'' Your father and I attended university together. He had big plans for you. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Well, I guess he'd be pleased. Wayne Industries is more prosperous than ever. :'''Dr. Long''': Pleased? When your father was alive, Wayne was a name that commanded great respect. Now all Wayne stands for is a self-centered jet-setting playboy. It's lucky your father didn't live to see what you've done to his good name. He'd have died of shame. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Scarecrow sprays a security guard with gas]'' :'''Guard''': Stop! What the-- No! No, spiders! Get them offa me! No! NO! ''[cowers in fear]'' :'''Anthony''': What did you do to him, boss? :'''[[w:Scarecrow (DC Comics)|Scarecrow]]''': I merely helped him visualize his innermost terror, which is obviously [[w:arachnophobia|arachnophobia]]. :'''Nigel''': A-whack-a-what? :'''Scarecrow''': Arachnophobia! Fear of spiders, you dimwitted dropout! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': It seems I have underestimated the Batman, but at least the University is finished. :'''Anthony''': Gee, boss, I never liked school, but, uh, how come you hate the university so much? :'''Scarecrow''': They tried to destroy me. :'''Nigel''': You mean they kicked you out 'cause you weren't smart enough? :'''Scarecrow''': No, you simpleton! ''[pinches Nigel's broken nose]'' :'''Nigel''': Ow! :'''Scarecrow''': I taught there. I was a professor of psychology, specializing in phobias. Inducing terror has always intrigued me. Even as a boy, I loved to frighten things. People, animals, it was all the same. I became obsessed with fear's crippling power. Later, when I became their leading Professor of Subliminal Psychology at the University, I began performing experiments on fear and its subsequent effects. Dr. Long thought I went too far - he called me a lunatic. So now, they will learn the true nature of horror! :'''Anthony''': ''[to Nigel]'' Wow, he's a real professor. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman has been exposed to Scarecrow's fear toxin]'' :'''Thomas Wayne''': Bruce... :'''Batman''': No... not now... :'''Thomas Wayne''': You are a disgrace! ''[turns into the [[w:Grim Reaper|Grim Reaper]]]'' :'''Batman''': No... You are NOT my father. I am NOT a disgrace! I am vengeance, I am the night. I...AM...'''BATMAN!''' ===''The Last Laugh'' [1.4]=== :'''Summer Gleeson''': I'm here in Downtown Gotham where corporate CEOs have gone stark, raving mad. It would appear that the collapse of the stock market is now imminent. The question is: Will [[April Fools' Day]] mark the end of Gotham City as we know it? :'''Joker''': The only things gaining now are the laughing stocks! ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[After trapping Batman in a sealed garbage can]'' :'''Joker''': I just love these new Ziploc seals! We wouldn't want our little caged rodent to suffocate, so we'll just ''[draws a knife]'' PUNCH SOME AIRHOLES! ''[laughing, he stabs holes in the can, with Batman being forced to dodge each one]'' Okay, Captain! Give 'er the old heave-ho! ''[Captain Clown salutes and throws the can into the river, where it starts to flood and sink]'' Oops! Looks like our airholes are waterholes too! ''[smirking at the viewer]'' What a shame! ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Justice is served hot, Batman! You're going to melt just like a grilled-cheese sandwich! :''[The Joker tries to send Batman falling into the furnace with a cascade of garbage, but Batman escapes and swings to safety on his grappling hook]'' :'''Batman''': Justice ''will'' be served, Joker. :'''Joker''': Service with a SMILE?! ''[tosses a razor card at Batman, who dodges it just in time]'' :'''Batman''': Clean up your act, Joker. :'''Joker''': Oh, that's a joke, right? Batman finally told a joke! ''[laughing, the Joker draws another card and flings it, but Batman catches it with a smirk. With a gasp of shock, the Joker tries to flee, but gets his food caught on a cable and he ends up dangling over the furnace]'' BATMAN! YOU WOULDN'T LET ME FRY, WOULD YOU?! ''[Batman leans on the railing, pretending to consider it] '''BATMAN!''' [Batman pulls him up]'' ===''Pretty Poison'' [1.5]=== :'''Dent''': So, what do you think? :'''Bruce''': Does she have a sister? :'''Dent''': Nope. Pam's one of a kind. That's why I asked her to marry me. :'''Bruce''': ''[spits out his water upon hearing this]'' WHAT?! :'''Dent''': Yup, that's the page one headline. Hey... is it starting to get warm? :'''Bruce''': You're still flushed from that last kiss. Harvey, you just met her last week! :'''Dent''': And I already know she's the one. Gosh, it's hot in here... :'''Bruce''': Marriage is a major step, Harvs. Don't you think you're rushing it? :'''Dent''': No way. The moment I laid eyes on Pam, her love hit me right in the face. ''[falls right into the food he ordered]'' :'''Bruce''': ''[laughs]'' Harvey, you've lost your mind. Knock it off. ''[sees him unresponsive]'' Harv? Harvey! ''[Later sees Harvey carried into an ambulance and climbs inside]'' Hang on, Harvey. Hang on. <hr width=50%"/> :'''Bullock''': So what'd you put in this mousse?! :'''Chef''': Chocolate, sugar, eggs, cream... :'''Bullock''': STRYCHNINE?! :'''Chef''': No, no, no strychnine. But I added just a pinch of vanilla. :'''Bullock''': ''[turns to a waiter, frustrated]'' You know who did it?! TALK! :'''Waiter''': Hey, I just clean the dishes, okay? <hr width=50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[chuckles]'' Batman! A late night rendezvous? To what do I owe the honor? :'''Batman''': ''[struggling against Ivy's giant flytrap]'' Harvey Dent! :'''Poison Ivy''': Oh, the poor district attorney. I hear he's not expected to live. Oh, it's so sad... ''[feigns crying, which quickly turns to insane laughter]'' :'''Batman''': Why, Isley? :'''Poison Ivy''': Oh, please, call me Poison Ivy. You see, Harvey had to pay for his crime. :'''Batman''': What crime? :'''Poison Ivy''': Why, murder, of course! Plowing up a field of beautiful wildflowers for that silly penitentiary of his. This little rose would be extinct today if I hadn't saved my precious from those horrible bulldozers! The blood of those flowers are on his hands! ''[calms down after her tantrum]'' So his fate was sealed ''[applies lipstick]'' ...with a kiss. And now, so is yours. ''[Ivy's plant holds Batman still as she kisses him; he tries to spit away the poison]'' Oh, what's wrong? Afraid I have cooties? ''[laughs]'' Oh, now you've gone and hurt my feelings. Too bad. I was going to share the antidote with you. ''[opens a bottle and waves it under his nose]'' Lovely fragrance, don't you think? ''[applies a drop to her face]'' I call it "Rose From the Dead". <hr width=50%"/> :''[In a cell in Arkham]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': They can bury me in the ground, as deep as they like. But I'll grow back. ''[to her rose]'' We ''always'' grow back. Don't we, baby? ===''The Underdwellers'' [1.6]=== :'''Sewer King''': Lesson number one is: NOOOOO TAAAALKING! Children are to be seen and not heard. We are the Underdwellers. We are the silent ones. We follow the invisible creed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sewer King''': Frog! The rolls, if you please. :''[Another boy nervously steps over with them; the Sewer King grabs his wrist angrily]'' :'''Sewer King''': You're not Frog! Where is he?! He's not here! ''[smacks the bowl of rolls away]'' NOT HERE! And after all I've done for you ungrateful little monsters! I took you in when nobody else would have you! It is I who care for you! I who provide for you! And only I WHO KNOWS WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU! Would you rather I sent you back into the light? Back to those who hurt you, and sent you away? :''[The children tearfully shake their heads; the Sewer King pushes the dinner table over with a loud crash]'' :'''Sewer King''': THERE WILL BE NOTHING TO EAT UNTIL FROG IS FOUND! NOW OUT WITH YOU! ''OUT WITH YOU!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I don't know what kind of barbarian did this to you, but it's over. And from now on, you'll be treated like human beings. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sewer King''': ''[clapping]'' Bravo. Bravo. You've caused me great distress, you evil bat, yes, yes, yes, you have! You've hurt my pretty pets, and you've frightened my beloved children! :'''Batman''': ''[incredulous and disgusted]'' "Beloved children"?! :'''Sewer King''': Yes! I feed them, I clothe them, I discipline them, and I teach them a trade! And now, I will teach ''you'' something! :''[He stamps on Batman's hands, but Batman swings under the pipe and kicks him from behind, causing him to fall off]'' :'''Batman''': Grab my hand! :'''Sewer King''': ''NEVER!'' :''[He falls into the water, where the alligators close in and seemingly devour him]'' :'''Batman''': A gruesome fate for a gruesome man. :''[He hears the Sewer King laughing, and sees him with the alligators, unharmed]'' :'''Sewer King''': I rather enjoyed it! I told you, they're my pretties! ''[pets one, laughing]'' Have a nice swim! :''[Batman swings over to chase him, narrowly missing the alligators' jaws]'' :'''Batman''': Later. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman pulls the Sewer King out of the way of an oncoming train]'' :'''Sewer King''': Why? Why?! ''Why?!'' :'''Batman''': ''[seething with anger]'' I don't pass sentence. That's for the courts. But this time - ''this time'' - I am ''sorely tempted'' to do the job myself! ===''P.O.V.'' [1.7]=== :''[after Batman grapples up a crane with Officer Montoya to safety]'' :'''Batman''': Are you alright? :''[Machine gun bullets hit around Batman and Officer Montoya, causing both of them to duck]'' :'''Officer Montoya''': Dandy. :'''Batman''': Then don't go away. :'''Officer Montoya''': ''[Batman leaves as more machine gun bullets hit. Montoya stays down]'' Count on it. <hr width="50%"/> :''[after Commissioner Gordon congratulates Officer Montoya for foiling the dock heist with Batman's aid]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': I have to hand it to you, Montoya. You and the Batman really turned this thing around. :'''Patrolman Wilkes''': Yeah, what a [[wikt:collar|collar]]! You didn't just bust 'em, you put the whole gang out of commission. ''[Lieutenant Hackle appears to accuse Montoya]'' :'''Lieutenant Hackle''': What collar? She's suspended! ''[Gordon angrily grabs Heckle]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': This [[wikt:farce|farce]] has gone far enough, Hackle! We apprehended the suspects and recovered our money. The investigation is closed! ''[He grabs three confiscated police badges out of Hackle's suit pocket and shoves him aside. He hands the badges to Officer Montoya]'' Officer Montoya earned this collar. :'''Officer Montoya''': The collar belongs to all three of us, Commissioner. It was a team effort. ''[Montoya accepts hers and hands Wilkes back his badge]'' :'''Patrolman Wilkes''': Gee... thanks, partner! :'''Detective Bullock''': ''[grumbling under his breath]'' Yeah, yeah... :'''Officer Montoya''': What was that, Bullock? ''[happily gives badge to Bullock]'' :'''Detective Bullock''': ''[reluctantly hesitates, accepts his badge]'' I said... Thanks a lot, Montoya. ===''The Forgotten'' [1.8]=== :'''Bruce''': What is this? :'''Smith''': If it's moving, it's a rat. If it isn't, it's a cooked rat. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': ''[Alfred flies the Batwing to the tracking device's location]'' This must be the place! Bring us down! :'''Batwing Computer''': Negative. :'''Alfred''': ''[pressing buttons madly]'' But Master Bruce is down there! We HAVE to land! :'''Computer''': Impossible. Area too confined. :'''Alfred''': ''[pounds the console]'' Land, you bucket of bolts! :'''Computer''': Your funeral. :'''Alfred''': Oh, dear...! ''[The Batwing flies down abruptly. Bruce, escaping the mine, sees the Batwing fly over]'' :'''Bruce''': ''[Smiles]'' Son of a gun! :''[The Batwing reaches a flat area near Bruce and lands. The cockpit opens.]'' :'''Computer''': Watch your step. :'''Alfred''': ''[tumbles out, dazed]'' [[w:Juan Rodriguez Cabrillo|I-I-I claim this land... for Spain]]. ''[collapses]'' ===''Be A Clown'' [1.9]=== :'''Jordan''': How can I get to be a great magician like you, Jekko? :'''"Jekko"''': Well, there are three steps! Step one: run away. Step two: find a magician with a great act. And step three: ''steal it.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Summer Gleason''': ''[reporting on TV]'' Denying reports of a bomb blast at his son's birthday party, Mayor Hill insists the explosion was caused by faulty electrical wiring. :'''"Jekko"''': Yeah! RIGHT! ''[laughs]'' :'''Summer Gleason''': The Mayor declined, however, to confirm that his son Jordan was missing. :'''"Jekko"''': Missing? :'''Jordan''': ''[coming into view]'' It's me, Jekko. I ran away. :'''"Jekko"''': You did '''WHAT?!?''' :'''Jordan''': I want to be a magician, like you. :'''"Jekko"''': Why, you... ''[laughs]'' Well, kid, you got step one right! Come on in. I've been thinking about a protégé. <hr width="50%"/> :'''"Jekko"''': ''[sees Batman approaching on a monitor]'' Well, if it ain't the Caped Coconut... :'''Jordan''': My dad says Batman's no good. :'''"Jekko"''': Well, then I guess your dad's not a ''total'' idiot! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman is trapped inside a tank filled with water, complete with a straitjacket and leg restraints]'' :'''"Jekko"''': For your viewing pleasure, we present... the infamous water tank trap! The great [[w:Harry Houdini|Houdini]] survived such a test. Dare we demand less of the Batman?! :'''Jordan''': I don't like this, Jekko... :'''"Jekko"''': Quiet, kid, it's a free ticket. :''[Batman manages to free the sleeves of the jacket]'' :'''Jordan''': ''[clapping]'' He did it! He got free! :'''"Jekko"''': They don't make straitjackets like they used to. ''[grinning]'' I should know... :''[Batman wriggles out of the jacket and undoes the leg restraints, but struggles to break the glass]'' :'''Jordan''': He can't get out! What's the trick? :'''"Jekko"''': That's just it! THERE IS NO TRICK! :'''Jordan''': No! He'll drown! :''[Jordan grabs an axe and strikes the side of the tank to try and free Batman, but "Jekko" takes the axe away]'' :'''"Jekko"/Joker''': That's why they call it the FINALE! ''[throws down the axe and discards his "Jekko the Clown" mask]'' Now sit down and enjoy the show! ===''Two-Face Part 1'' [1.10]=== :'''[[w:John Vernon|Rupert Thorne]]''': All men have something to hide. The brighter the picture, the darker the negative. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Dent's raid on Thorne has been aborted by the judge due to supposed lack of reliable evidence]'' :'''Dent''': No! NO! '''I SPENT ''THREE MONTHS'' ON THAT RAID!''' He can't overturn! The fool! HE'S ''BEEN BOUGHT! LIKE ALL THE REST!'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[tries to restrain him]'' Harvey, please try to calm down. This sort of behavior doesn't run well with the voters- :'''Dent''': ''LET GO OF ME, YOU RICH TWIT!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dent''': Stealing someone's psychiatric file is pretty low, Thorne! Even for a swine like you! :'''Rupert Thorne''': But it makes for such fascinating reading. Listen to this, boys. Says here that when Harvey was a little boy, he was bothered by a bully. Every day the bully would bug him after school, until one day little Harvey got so mad, he slugged him one. :'''Thorne's Thugs''': Oooh! :'''Rupert Thorne''': Of course, the bully ran away, which made little Harvey very proud. Until he heard that the bully was in the hospital. :'''Candace''': That was some punch. :'''Rupert Thorne''': ''[chuckles]'' That's what Harvey thought. Except the guy was in the hospital for appendicitis! ''[chuckles again]'' But poor Harvey felt so guilty, he never showed his anger again. And that was the start of "Big Bad Harv". :'''Dent''': What do you want? :'''Rupert Thorne''': Just a few favors from the D.A.'s office. :'''Dent''': You're dreaming. :'''Rupert Thorne''': Otherwise, as a concerned citizen, I'd be compelled to give this to the press. After all, the people of Gotham have a right to know the kind of person... or should I say "persons", they've elected. So, what do you say, Harvey? Do we have a deal? :''[Harvey's face has contorted in building rage the entire time, but suddenly relaxes into deceptive docility]'' :'''Dent''': There's just one problem. :'''Rupert Thorne''': What's that? :'''Dent''': ''[in Big Bad Harv's voice]'' '''''You're talking to the wrong Harvey.''''' ===''Two-Face Part 2'' [1.11]=== :''[In a nightmare, Harvey is being chased by a dark shadow. He suddenly realizes he is standing on a collapsing wooden bridge]'' :'''Harvey Dent''': Stay back! ''[the shadow reveals itself to be Batman, pleading for Harvey's help]'' :'''Batman''': Harvey, please, let me help you! :'''Harvey Dent''': You?! You saw what was happening! You knew that something was terribly wrong with me! I thought you were my friend! You should have been able to help me--but you didn't! ''[Harvey covers his face with his two hands, now transformed into Two-Face]'' :'''Two-Face''': ''NOW LOOK AT ME!!'' :'''Batman''': But I tried, Harvey. I... ''[the bridge pulls itself apart, causing Two-Face to fall off]'' Harvey! :'''Two-Face''': ''[Plummets into an abyss of glowing red light] WHY COULDN'T YOU SAVE ME...?!!'' :''[Batman looks down the edge and gasps with horrified shock. He instead sees his late parents Thomas and Martha Wayne underneath a single lamppost. They both raise their heads in sadness]'' :'''Thomas Wayne''': Why couldn't you save us, son? :''[Bruce wakes up, sweating with fear. He then turns to a photo of Two-Face from a newspaper]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': So what are you dreaming tonight, Harvey? Peaceful dreams? Nightmares? Maybe both at once. Sleep well, my friend. Whether you are, whatever you've become... I ''will'' save you. I swear. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Two-Face''': This is my world now. A dichotomy of order and chaos - just like me. :'''Grace''': Harvey, what's happened to your mind, your feelings? You used to listen to your feelings. :'''Two-Face''': ''[flipping his coin]'' This is what I listen to now. ''Chance,'' Grace. Chance is everything. Whether you're born or not, whether you live or die, whether you're good or bad... it's all arbitrary. :'''Grace''': That's nonsense, Harvey. Was it chance that made you District Attorney? Was it chance that made you fall in love with me? Take control of your life, Harvey. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Two-Face grabs a tommy gun and aims at a defenceless Thorne]'' :'''Rupert Thorne''': No! Two-Face, don't! ''[to Batman]'' You can't let him! :'''Grace''': Harvey! What are you doing?! :'''Two-Face''': Taking control of my life. :'''Batman''': Let the law handle it. :'''Two-Face''': "The law"?! ''[takes out his coin]'' Here's the only law! The law of averages! The great equalizer! :''[Two-Face flips the coin, but Batman throws out a crate of other coins, and Two-Face's is lost among them as they spill out]'' :'''Two-Face''': ''[horrified and panicked]'' NO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! ''[searches through them frantically]'' My coin! Where is it?! I can't decide without...! Oh no, it's ''gotta'' be here, it's ''gotta! [shrieks with anguish]'' '''''I HAVE TO HAVE IT!!!''''' :''[He continues to scream, swiping the coins aside before collapsing in tears; Grace gently comforts him]'' :'''Grace''': It's all right now, Harvey. I'm here. ===''It's Never Too Late'' [1.12]=== :'''Father Michael Stromwell''': Arnold? That's one soul I wish I could give up on. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arnold Stromwell''': I don't need your help! :'''Michael Stromwell''': Is that a fact? An empire crumbling? A marriage shattered? A son lost? Sure, you're doing fine. ===''I've Got Batman In My Basement'' [1.13]=== :''[after Penguin's goons successfully steal a [[w:Fabergé egg|Fabergé egg]] on a tall building]'' :'''Goon 1''': ''[chuckles]'' A piece of cake, just like the boss said. :'''Goon 2''': Yeah, all it took was five minutes. ''[Batman makes his surprise appearance to the goons]'' :'''Batman''': And that'll get you five ''years''... ''[pause]'' with good behavior. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Be-fowled by a couple of fledgelings! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Grant''': Sherman, what are you doing down there? :'''Sherman''': Nothing, Mom! :'''Mrs. Grant''': You're not trying to make gunpowder again, are you? :'''Sherman''': No, Mom! Honest! :'''Roberta''': We just saved Batman's life, Mrs. Grant, and now we're hiding him from some bad criminals. :'''Mrs. Grant''': That's good, just don't make a mess. ''[leaves]'' :'''Sherman''': Nice going, Miss Big Mouth. :'''Roberta''': ''[shrugging]'' Sorry, Sherman, I guess I panicked. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Gentlemen - and I use the term loosely - after you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Eurgh, how bourgeois. Tearing this place apart could only improve it! Let the egg hunt begin! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Grant''': Young man, you've got some serious explaining to do! ''[sees Batman and the defeated Penguin and gasps]'' :'''Sherman''': Err, Mom, I'd like you to meet Batman. Batman, this is my mom. :'''Batman''': Ma'am. :'''Mrs. Grant''': Oh, hello... :'''Sherman''': Say, Batman, you wouldn't be single, would you? ===''[[w:Heart of Ice (Batman: The Animated Series)|Heart of Ice]]'' [1.14]=== :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[gazes at the ballerina snow globe]'' This is how I'll always remember you. Surrounded by [[winter]] forever young, forever beautiful. Rest well, my love. The monster who took you from me will soon learn that [[revenge]] is a dish... ''[opens his eyes through his red goggles]'' best served '''cold'''. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman infiltrates an office in GothCorp headquarters and sees a classified file with a videotape and medical records of a woman named Nora Fries. He plays the tape on a nearby VCR]'' :'''Victor Fries''': ''[on the tape]'' My name is Doctor Victor Fries. I am recording what I pray would be mankind's first step toward immortality. ''[camera pans to a large machine with a glass capsule and a woman inside it]'' Behind me, you see the CC-100, a cryogenic freezing chamber of my own design. I created it for the express purpose of freezing subjects stricken with inoperable ailments. Subjects like... my own beloved wife, Nora. Once a remedy has been found-- ''[reacts to a loud banging on the door]'' :'''Ferris Boyle''': ''[Behind the door]'' Open this door! Open it now! ''[A security guard kicks the door down, Ferris and another guard step into the room. Boyle confronts Fries angrily.]'' Get away from that equipment! ''[Orders his guards]'' Shut this stuff down. :'''Fries''': ''[Panicked]'' Stop! This is my experiment! :'''Boyle''': Your ''unauthorized'' experiment. I ordered funding suspended weeks ago! I'm already three million in debt thanks to you! :'''Fries''': You can't stop it now! My wife is in there! :'''Boyle''': So bring her out! :'''Fries''': You can't interrupt the process now! :'''Boyle''': ''[unmoved; to guard]'' Open it. :'''Fries''': ''[desperately holds on to Boyle]'' It's her only chance! :'''Boyle''': ''[shrugs off Fries]'' This is MY equipment! ''MINE!'' I have every legal right to use it or not use it as I see fit. I say this project ends ''now!'' :'''Fries''': ''[grabs pistol from security guard and aims it at Ferris]'' '''NO!''' Stay away from her, murderer! :'''Boyle''': ''[tries to act charming to Fries]'' Victor... I'm sorry... I lost my temper. It doesn't have to come to this. We can talk! ''[Fries calms down and Boyle kicks him into a table of cryonic chemicals. Victor screams in pain as the cloud of volatile chemicals engulf him. Boyle steps away in fear and runs out of the room with his guards]'' Get out. Get out! :'''Fries''': ''[Clinging to his freezing chamber, screaming through the glass] Nora! NORA...! [passes out. The tape ends]'' :'''Batman''': ''[Horrified]'' My God! :''[A voice rings out--it's Mr. Freeze, who just snuck in the room]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': Yes. It would move me to tears, if I still had tears to shed. ''[freezes Batman with his cryo-gun]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mr. Freeze raids the award ceremony and confronts Ferris Boyle, who is receiving a humanitarian award]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': The cold eyes of vengeance are upon you, Boyle. :'''Ferris Boyle''': Who...who ''are'' you?! :'''Mr. Freeze''': Come, now. Surely you remember your old colleague... Victor Fries? :''[Mr. Freeze aims and fires his freezing gun at Boyle's feet, ice slowly covering up his legs to his waist]'' :'''Boyle''': ''[cries in pain]'' NO! No...! Stop... please... I... b-beg you! ''[Mr. Freeze stops his freezing gun for a moment of clarity]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': You... ''beg?'' In my nightmares I see my Nora behind the glass, begging to me with frozen eyes. How I've longed to see that look frozen on you. :''[Batman batarangs Mr Freeze's cryo-gun and attacks him. Mr Freeze overpowers Batman and throws him off]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': The advanced circuitry that powers my suit also triples my strength! ''[engages Batman, and lifts him off the ground]'' Sooner or later, all who stand in my way must feel the icy touch of death! :''[Mr. Freeze is about to kill Batman, but collapses when Batman smashes his glass helmet with a thermos full of chicken soup given to him by Alfred earlier]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': ''[walks next to Batman]'' Ooh...! What was that stuff? :'''Batman''': The only way to fight a cold. :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[as his suit falters]'' It can't end this way... vengeance...! :'''Batman''': No, ''justice''. A year ago, Ferris Boyle interrupted an experiment, and in the process destroyed two lives. ''[gives Summer Gleeson the tape he found]'' Here's the evidence. ''[walks to a still shivering Boyle; he sneers at Boyle with disgust]'' Good night, humanitarian! ''[walks off]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mr. Freeze is in his subzero cell in Arkham Asylum, gazing into his ballerina snow globe]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': I failed you. I wish there were another way for me to say it... but I cannot. ''[Tears silently slide down his face]'' I can only beg your [[forgiveness]] and pray you hear me somehow, someplace. Someplace... where a warm hand waits for mine. ===''The Cat And The Claw Part 1'' [1.15]=== :'''Stern''': Now if you'll excuse me, I've given you all the time I can spare. :'''Selina Kyle''': You'll find more time for me, Mr. Stern. Before I'm through, I'll have every environmental group and animal rights activist breathing down your neck. They'll be looking at you and your project so closely, you'll feel like a bug in a bell-jar. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You're late. :'''Mob Boss''': Can't you walk up to someone normal-like? :'''Batman''': I hear you have some information. :'''Mob Boss''': Under one condition: Lay off the South Side. :'''Batman''': Keep this up, and I'll be on you from ''all'' sides. North, south, east, and west. ===''The Cat And The Claw Part 2'' [1.16]=== :'''Batman''': Red Claw? A woman? :'''[[W:Red_Claw|Red Claw]]''': Do you have a problem with that, Batman? :'''Batman''': Not at all. I'm an equal opportunity crime fighter! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I didn't want you taken away like a common criminal. :'''Catwoman''': So you ''do'' care. :'''Batman''': ''[handcuffing her]'' More than you'll ever know. ===''See No Evil'' [1.17]=== :'''Lloyd Ventrix''': See you 'round, Batman! Too bad you can't say the same! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Ventrix, the suit! It's poison! :'''Ventrix''': So what if it is?! I don't care! As long as I have it, I can take my daughter back whenever I want! Her mother won't stop me, AND NEITHER WILL YOU! ===''Beware The Gray Ghost'' [1.18]=== :''[At a video shop, Bruce Wayne asks for Gray Ghost films]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': I'd like the ''Gray Ghost''. :'''Store Clerk''': ''[smirks and walks away]'' Hmm. Name something else. :'''Wayne''': You said you had everything. :'''Store Clerk''': Except the ''Gray Ghost''! Nobody has it! The studio that made the show, Spectra? It burned down 20 years ago. The negatives all went up like kindling, real shame. :'''Wayne''': So the ''Gray Ghost'' doesn't exist? :'''Clerk''': Not anymore. Sorry, pal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Simon Trent''': ''[Hands Batman a film reel with the key the mystery]'' Here's your answer, take it and go! :'''Batman''': I used to admire what the Gray Ghost stood for... :'''Simon Trent''': I'm not the Gray Ghost! :'''Batman''': ''[coldly]'' I can see that now. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the launch of the Gray Ghost videos]'' :'''Bruce''': Could you make this out to 'Bruce'? :'''Gray Ghost''': ''[signing autograph]'' Here you are, Bruce. :'''Bruce''': Thanks. As a kid, I used to watch you with my father. The Gray Ghost was my hero. :'''Gray Ghost''': ''[realizing]'' Really... :'''Bruce''': ''[smiling]'' And he still is. ===''Prophecy Of Doom'' [1.19]=== :'''Nostromos''': I predict... you and I are about to become rich as pigs! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lucas''': No one could've predicted Batman would spot me. Not even the great Nostromos. Besides, how do you know Wayne survived? :'''Nostromos''': The news said he got off the elevator right before it fell, you pathetic amateur! :'''Lucas''': Well, you didn't predict he would ''die'', exactly... ===''Feat Of Clay Part 1'' [1.20]=== :''[About Matt Hagen's repeated use of "Renuyu" to restore his disfigured face]'' :'''Teddy Lupus''': You can't go on like this, Matt. You hurt all the time now. :'''[[w:Clayface|Matt Hagen]]''': ''[irritated]'' You're just my stand-in, Lupus. Nobody promoted you to nursemaid! :'''Lupus''': That stuff makes your face like putty, Matt; it can't be good for ya. :'''Hagen''': It probably ain't good for me. But unless I only want to do ''horror'' pictures, it ain't bad for me either. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Listen up, scumwad, 'cause I'm only gonna ask you once. Who was Lucius Fox meeting at the tram? :'''Raymond Bell''': Wayne... Bruce Wayne! :'''Batman''': You lying sleaze! You wanna rethink that answer? ===''Feat Of Clay Part 2'' [1.21]=== :'''Clayface''': ''[testing his new shapeshifting powers]'' The formula must have soaked every cell in my body. :'''Teddy Lupus''': It's.... It's some kind of miracle! ''[sees Matt change back into Clayface]'' Wha... What are you doing? :'''Clayface''': No. No! You broke my concentration! It won't work, don't you see?! It's too hard! It's like tensing a muscle - I can't keep it up for long! MY CAREER, MY ''LIFE'' - IT ''IS'' GONE! AND I CAN NEVER GET IT BACK! ''[In his rage, Clayface destroys several things in the trailer]'' I'm not an actor anymore! I'm not even... a ''man''! ''[Sobs softly]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Clayface''': Not even the Batman could stop me, Teddy. And that means ''Daggett'' won't have a prayer. :'''Teddy''': Matt, please, you don't wanna do anything crazy. Why don't you try to get some shuteye? :'''Clayface''': ''[growls]'' DON'T YOU DARE PATRONIZE ME!!! I told you I don't need rest! I don't need food! AND I DON'T NEED YOU!!!! ''[grabs Teddy and throws him to a bookcase then walks out the door]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Roland Daggett is at a talk show talking about Renuyu facial cream and the host entertains audience questions]'' :'''Woman''': I'd like to ask Mr. Daggett about the rumors I've heard. I hear he's selling Renuyu through direct marketing because stores won't carry it due to its harmful side effects. :'''[[w:Roland Daggett|Roland Daggett]]''': Well that's, uh, absolutely untrue- :'''Woman''': ''[stands up and approaches him]'' What about the addictive properties of Renuyu, Mr. Daggett? Once you're hooked, you can't stop using it without horrible...''pain!'' :'''Daggett''': No! I mean... That's just not so! :'''Woman''': Why don't you show them what an ''overdose'' can do, Daggett?! Why don't you tell them ''[voices goes deeper]'' about ME?! ''[transforms into Clayface]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Batman tricks Clayface into confronting him in a recording room, where he turns multiple screens showing headshots of Clayface's past roles]'' :'''Clayface''': What are you doing?! Stop it! :'''Batman''': Look at them, Hagan. Look at what you used to be! :'''Clayface''': No, no! Turn them off...! :'''Batman''': You ''can'' play those roles again, Hagan. Let me help you find a cure. :'''Clayface''': ''[begins to shapeshift into his past roles]'' No! Hagan's gone! Make him stop haunting me! ''[begins to uncontrollably shapeshift into his past roles]'' Stop it! Turn them off! I can't control it! I can't be all of them! Not all at once! :''[Batman tries to turn on some more screens, but Clayface knocks him out of the way and smashes the control panels; Clayface yanks off one of the screens and throws it at Batman, who dodges; the screen hits the big screen, causing an explosion; the police arrive to see Clayface in his shapeshifting seizure as he shifts his face into Bruce Wayne]'' :'''Officer''': Mother of mercy! It looks just like Bruce Wayne! :''[Clayface punches through two screens, electrocuting him and reverting back into his true form and he topples over; Batman walks up to Clayface]'' :'''Clayface''': ''[morphs into Matt Hagan]'' You know what I'd have given for a death scene like this? ''[morphs into his scarred form]'' Too bad I won't get to... read the notices. ''[faints and reverts back to his true form.]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Lucius Fox''': I'm just glad to know it wasn't really Bruce Wayne who attacked me. :'''Summer Gleeson''': Thank you, Mr. Fox. All charges against Wayne have, of course, been dropped. And Roland Daggett remains in custody. :''[as Alfred turns off the TV, Batman is experimenting with a piece of Clayface's clay]'' :'''Alfred''': My word, sir. I should think after all this, it would time to rest. :'''Batman''': Look. A piece of clay left behind when they took Hagan's body away. Watch. ''[zaps the clay with electricity, causing it to morph into multiple shapes]'' :'''Alfred''': Electricity has no effect on it? :'''Batman''': Exactly. ''[scene changes to a morgue where a doctor uncovers Clayface's body; voice-over]'' I wouldn't be surprised if the body they took to the morgue was only a shell ''[Clayface's body cracks and crumbles into little pieces]'' Don't forget, first and foremost, Hagan was an actor. ''[scene changes to Teddy outside the hospital]'' He said it himself, Alfred. He called it a scene. Maybe the greatest scene in his career. :'''Teddy''': ''[sadly]'' See you 'round, Matt. ''[walks away]'' :'''Batman''': A death scene so real... it fooled us all. :''[A woman laughs maniacally as her voice grows deeper and her eyes turn yellow, revealing her to be a disguised Clayface]'' ===''Joker's Favor'' [1.22]=== :'''[[w:Joker (comics)|Joker]]''': ''[tosses two pennies on the ground]'' There's your two cents. Now, what are you going to do to me? :'''Charlie''': Listen.... I... O'm sorry, really! I.... I had a bad day. Boss turned down my raise, and... :'''Joker''': Now look, my rude friend! We can't have people cursing at each other on the freeway. It's simply ''not polite''! ''[jumps down and grabs him]'' I'm just going to have to teach you some manners. ''[reaches into his coat]'' :'''Charlie''': Please don't! I have a family, a wife, a little boy! Please! I'll do anything to make it up! Anything! :'''Joker''': Anything, says you? ''[Charlie nods; Joker releases him]'' Okee-dokee! Wallet. :'''Charlie''': Uh, okay. I don't have much cash. :'''Joker''': Oh, please! Don't insult me! ''[takes out driver's license]'' Charles Michael Collins. That's you! Tsk tsk, lousy picture, though. Lousy! Address, height, weight, blah blah blah. ''[tosses the wallet back and keeps the license]'' Righty-o, Chuckers! Here's the deal. I'll let you off if you promise to do a little favor for me. :'''Charlie''': Okay. What? :'''Joker''': ''I DON'T KNOW! I HAVEN'T THOUGHT OF IT YET!'' You just toddle on back to your mundane, meaningless little life, and when I need you, I'll call. Fair? Good? Great! I'll be in touch. ''[walks away, laughing maniacally]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Charlie''': Hello? :'''Joker''': Hello, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': Wrong number, pal. My name is Don. :'''Joker''': Oh, no, no, no. This IS the right number, Charles Michael Collins. Oh, I don't know why you changed your name to Don Wallace and moved your family to 12 Marigold Lane, Springdale, Ohio. One might think you were trying to skip out on our little deal. ''[to Harley Quinn]'' Leave the sideburns. :'''Charlie''': Uh... how did you find me? :'''Joker''': Oh, I never lost you, Chaz. You've become my... HOBBY!! ''[laughs maniacally]'' Now, listen up, Charlie Brown. You're booked on the next flight to Gotham. Tell the family you have to visit a sick friend. Oh, and let's keep this to ourselves, 'kay? Bad things happen to people who gossip, capisce, Carlo? ''[Charlie looks out the window to see Joker's henchmen pull up to his house]'' :'''Charlie''': Yeah... :'''Joker''': Good! See ya! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': You miserable little ''nobody!'' If I get caught, your wife and son are history! :'''Charlie''': You're not getting caught. Not this time. I found this blown out of the van. :''[He pulls one of the Joker's bombs from his jacket, and the Joker looks shocked and afraid]'' :'''Charlie''': This is how it ends, Joker. No big schemes, no grand fight to the finish with the Dark Knight. Tomorrow, all the papers will say is that the great Joker was found blown to bits in an alley, alongside a "miserable little nobody"! ''[chuckles]'' Kinda funny. Ironic, really. See? I can destroy a man's dreams too! And that's really the only dream you've got, isn't it?! :'''Joker''': ''[still scared]'' Look, Charlie, you've had a busy day! All this running around, all this excitement with... ''[yelling out desperately]'' '''''BATMAN!''''' Stop! You... you're crazy! :'''Charlie''': I had a good teacher! ''[chuckles]'' Say goodnight, Gracie! :'''Joker''': ''[terrified, trying to crawl away]'' NO! '''BATMAN! ''BATMAN!''''' ''[sees Batman in the shadows, and gasps with relief and annoyance]'' How long have you been there?! :'''Batman''': Long enough. Put it down, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': You know he'll just escape again! This is the only way my family stays safe! :'''Joker''': All right, you win! Take it easy! ''[surrenders his notebook to Batman]'' Here's everything on his blasted family - names, addresses, it's all there! You're no fun anymore, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': Hey, Joker! ''[throws the bomb at the Joker, who cowers behind Batman - only for the "bomb" to release harmless confetti]'' Gotcha! :''[Batman lets out a short laugh]'' :'''Joker''': ''[dryly]'' Oh, very funny. A million laughs. :'''Batman''': Go home, Mr. Collins. :'''Charlie''': Home. I never thought that could sound so good. I wonder what Bonnie's making for dinner. Right now, anything would taste great. Even meatloaf. ===''Vendetta'' [1.23]=== :'''Batman''': Here's how it works, slimeball. I have questions, and if you have answers, I'll leave you alone. :'''Rupert Thorne''': Oh, I have plenty of answers... thirty-eight caliber answers. Now then, you were saying? :'''Batman''': ''[Using Thorne as a shield]'' I was saying, you'd better hope your men are ''very'' good shots. It's too hot in here. Let's get some air. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Killer Croc''': Terrific. Just what I need now. The freak job in the cape. :'''Batman''': You're no prize yourself. :'''Killer Croc''': ''[strangling Batman]'' What can I tell you now? Being a reptile man ain't pretty... but it's got its upside. Like having the strength of a crocodile, for instance! But I guess you've learned that by now, huh? ''[forcing Batman into the water]'' The hard way. You know, they used to call "Killer Croc" the meanest dude in the Wrestling Federation. Now they'll call him the guy who iced the Batman! :'''Batman''': ''[flip-kicks Killer Croc really hard and gets out of the water]'' Don't hold your breath. ===''Fear Of Victory'' [1.24]=== :'''Mr. Lucky''': Lost? You have that bewildered look, but your sort always does. :'''Thug''': ''[grabs him threateningly]'' I ain't lost. I'm lookin' for you! I wanna know how come you always win, Mr. Lucky. :'''Mr. Lucky''': It's quite simple, actually. I fix the games. :'''Thug''': You can't fix ''all'' those sports. Nobody can! :'''Mr. Lucky''': Oh, ye of little brain, allow me to illustrate. ''[hands the thug an envelope laced in fear toxin]'' Here. You can read, can't you? :'''Thug''': ''[reads it]'' "Boo!" Hey, is this some kinda joke? :'''Mr. Lucky''': It's no joke, I assure you. It's the fear of victory, and the agony of... ''[the thug pulls Mr. Lucky out of the shadows, revealing his true identity]'' '''the Scarecrow!''' :''[The thug gasps in fear, now a victim of his toxin]'' :'''Scarecrow''': So now you understand Step One in how I fix an athletic contest. ''[Scarecrow comes closer to the thug, causing him to fall into some stacks of hay]'' I shall proceed to Step Two! ''[chuckles evilly]'' :'''Thug''': No! NO! GET AWAY! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': There's enough powder in that helmet to panic a pachyderm! He should be postering himself, crying for mercy! :'''Batman''': Change of luck, Scarecrow? :'''Scarecrow''': YOU! :'''Batman''': You're aware that gambling is illegal in Gotham? :'''Scarecrow''': I need the money, Batman! You know the cost of chemicals these days. And it will take much more than this to bring every pathetic person in Gotham to their knees, kissing my feet! ''[reveals a vial of his fear chemical and dangles it above the crowd]'' No closer, Batman! Unless you want a stampede of half-crazed humanity crushing and clawing each other! Now... what guarantee do I have you won't follow me? :'''Batman''': You have my word, Scarecrow. Just don't drop the vial. :'''Scarecrow''': Actually, Batman, I'd prefer a little insurance that you'll be otherwise occupied! ''[drops it]'' ===''The Clock King'' [1.25]=== :'''Fugate''': (after judgment has been passed) No! You can't! I'll be ruined! :'''Judge''': Then perhaps this will teach you to be on time for a change. :'''Batman''': What kind of a saboteur uses a six-thousand dollar Metronex to set a time bomb? :'''Alfred''': A saboteur with too much money? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman:''' Hold it! :'''Fugate:''' Well, well. The Batman. It's about time you showed up! I suppose you want to know why I've brought Downtown Gotham to a standstill, Batman. Hm? Well, let's just say it's because I'm a civic minded citizen with a lot of time on his hands. :'''Batman''': I want some answers, wise guy. Talk! :'''Fugate''': A pity. I don't know what to tell you, Batman - except perhaps that the 9:15 is always six minutes early. :''(He falls off the building and lands safely on the roof of an oncoming train as it speeds away)'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mayor Hill is tied to the hands of a huge clock]'' :'''Clock King''': Comfortable, Hill? Well you won't be for long! At 3:15 on the dot, those hands will come together and you'll be crushed like an insect. 3:15, Hill. Does that time hold any meaning for you? :'''Mayor Hill''': I don't know what you're talking about! :'''Clock King''': You told me to take my coffee break at 3:15. :'''Mayor Hill''': What?! :'''Clock King''': You don't remember?! My ''court date!'' :'''Mayor Hill''': ''[finally realizing]'' Oh my Lord! The lawsuit! Fugate! I swear I was only trying to help! :'''Clock King''': Don't hand me that! You did it on purpose! The plaintiffs were represented by your law firm, Mr. Mayor! :'''Mayor Hill''': But I had nothing to do with that case, Fugate! :'''Clock King''': Not that it matters anymore. Now that you have an appointment to keep, at 3:15 precisely—with the '''Grim Reaper!''' ''[begins laughing maniacally]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I'm here to clean your clock, Fugate. :'''Fugate''': Don't count on it, Batman. When it comes to clocks, ''I'' am king. ''En garde''! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Stop this, Fugate! Hill committed no crime against you! :'''Temple Fugate''': He did worse than that! He made me late! :'''Batman''': Fugate! You can't escape! :'''Clock King''': Au contraire, Batman. You of all people should know, there's always a way out! :''(Fugate begins laughing maniacally as a huge clock wheel falls on him, sending him to his apparent death)'' ===''Appointment In Crime Alley'' [1.26]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': Roland Daggett's up to something, Alfred. :'''Alfred''': That almost goes without saying, doesn't it, sir? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Leslie Thompkins''': This used to be a beautiful street. Good people lived here once. :'''Batman''': ''[placing two roses on the ground]'' Good people still live in Crime Alley. ===''Mad As A Hatter'' [1.27]=== :'''Jervis Tetch''': ''[Discussing the subject of Alice to his lab rats.]'' Of course, intellectually I know it's wrong. After all, she has a boyfriend. Better to withdraw like a gentleman- forget her, turn my heart to other pursuits. ''[Brief pause]'' NEVER! After all, I've created a chip strong enough to control a human brain! It would be so easy to make her forget her boorish beau and love ME! But...that would reduce her to a soulless shell. No...not my Alice. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman has cornered Jervis Tetch, who just subdued Alice with her mindcontrol card and is at a dinner table with him]'' :'''Jervis Tetch/Mad Hatter''': I'll cut that cowl off your neck before you'll take her! I've waited my whole lonely life for her! :'''Batman''': Then all you've waited for is a puppet. A soulless little doll. :'''Mad Hatter''': It didn't have to be this way! You made me do this to her! ===''Dreams In Darkness'' [1.28]=== :'''Batman''': "There's always time to heal", the doctor told me, but he was wrong. There was no time left. Not for me, not for him, and not for Gotham City. And as long as I remained trapped in Arkham, there was nothing I could do, except wait for the end and remember the beginning. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': An entire city, screaming in fear... I wonder if we'll be able to hear it... ===''Eternal Youth'' [1.29]=== :'''Mrs. Thomas''': You wicked, evil- :'''Poison Ivy''': Evil, Mrs. Thomas? I don't control a company that leveled a thousand-year-old forest for a strip mine! THAT'S evil! ''[sprays a gas which causes Mrs. Thomas to become petrified; steals a pair of earrings]'' You and your kind owe Mother Nature a big debt, and I am here to make sure you pay up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': Right now, the bark is merely exoskeletal. It will take months of additional spraying before the transformations become irreversible. But, of course, I have the patience of a redwood. :'''Batman''': ''[snarling]'' And the convictions of a fanatic! :'''Poison Ivy''': Well, if you're not going to be part of the solution, you're obviously part of the problem. Ladies? :''[Ivy's henchwomen begin to spray Batman with the growth formula]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': This spray is triple-strength, Batman! It will start the transformation without any preliminaries! ''[Nothing seems to happen to Batman as he unties his hands]'' He should be sprouting leaves by now! :'''Batman''': ''[Unties his hands and stands up, blocking the spray with his cape as he advances]'' You made your secret too accessible, Ivy! I coated my outfit with a herbicidal antidote! :'''Poison Ivy''': Keep spraying! ''[Violet and Lily back away, still spraying, but Batman subdues them both]'' ===''Perchance To Dream'' [1.30]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[Looking down off the ledge, preparing to jump]'' You're wrong! There IS a way out! :'''Mad Hatter''': Now, now wait just a minute! You don't want to do anything foolish! This isn't an ordinary dream! What if you're wrong?! :'''Bruce Wayne''': '''THEN I'LL SEE YOU IN YOUR ''NIGHTMARES''!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': '''''WHY?''''' Why did you do it?! :'''Mad Hatter''': You, of all people, have the GALL to ask me that? You RUINED MY LIFE! I was willing to give you WHATEVER life you wanted, JUST TO KEEP YOU OUT OF ''MINE!'' <hr width="75%"/> ===''The Cape & Cowl Conspiracy'' [1.31]=== :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Look up "slippery" in the dictionary and you get Josiah Wormwood. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[About the [[w:Bat-Signal|Bat-Signal]]]'' Got a new toy, I see. :'''Gordon''': I figured it might come in handy. ===''[[w:Robin's Reckoning|Robin's Reckoning Part 1]]'' [1.32]=== :''[Robin and Batman are doing a stakeout]'' :'''Robin''': If I knew it was going to take THIS long, I would've brought my homework. You sure about this extortion ring? :'''Batman''': ''[Looking at the construction site through binoculars]'' Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': It's been four hours. :'''Batman''': Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': You still think they'll show? :'''Batman''': Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': Lucky for me, you're such a good conversationalist. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': If you protect him, Stromwell, I'll be very... GRUMPY. [[The Incredible Hulk|You don't want to see me when I'm grumpy]]. ===''[[w:Robin's Reckoning|Robin's Reckoning Part 2]]'' [1.33]=== :'''[[w:Tony Zucco|Tony Zucco]]''': I'm not back in town five minutes - FIVE MINUTES - and he's on my tail. You don't know the Bat. He don't let up! He's the dark angel of death, man, and he wants ME! :'''Mick''': ... Why you, boss? :'''Zucco''': HOW SHOULD I KNOW?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Robin is about to throw Tony Zucco off the pier]'' :'''Tony Zucco''': No, don't! Please... :'''Batman''': Robin! Enough. ''[limps towards him]'' You can't let your emotions get the best of you. :'''Robin''': Stuff your advice, Batman! You and your stone-cold heart! You don't know how I feel. HOW COULD YOU?!? ''[Batman looks at him, and Robin realizes what he said]'' Batman, I didn't mean to... I'm sorry. ''[after he sees the police coming, Robin seemingly readies to throw Zucco off the pier but simply throws him to the ground. The cops arrive and arrest Zucco.]'' You were right, you know, not bringing me along. You knew I'd take it too personally. :'''Batman''': It wasn't that, Robin. It wasn't that at all. Zucco's taken so much, caused you so much pain. I couldn't stand the thought that he might... take you, too. :'''Robin''': ''[putting a hand on Batman's shoulder]'' Come on, partner. It's been a long night. ===''The Laughing Fish'' [1.34]=== :'''Alfred''': ''[seeing Batman with a Joker Fish]'' Dining in tonight, sir? :'''Batman''': ''[sighs]'' The dissection tray, please, Alfred... :'''Alfred''': Any idea what our happy friend is up to now? :'''Batman''': Normal criminals usually have logical motives, but the Joker's insane schemes make sense to him alone. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': Ah-ah-ah-ahem! Look alive, wage slaves. Presenting that caliph of clowns, that mogul of mountebanks, the one and only Joker! :''[The Joker enters, laughing maniacally]'' :'''Francis''': Great Scott! :'''Joker''': Actually, I'm Irish. Good morning, Mister, err, ''[looks at his desk's name plate]'' Francis! Please allow me to introduce my associates. Miss Quinn. :'''Harley Quinn''': ''Enchante''! :'''Joker''': And Messrs, uh... oh, their names escape me for the moment. No matter! We gentlemen of business have arrangements to discuss. :'''Francis''': A... Arrangements? :'''Joker''': ''[drops a Joker Fish onto his desk]'' For my fish, of course! This has all been worked out far in advance, Francis. You are merely the last tiny cog in my grand design! So don't speak to me again, 'kay? Now, what is everyone in town talking about? :'''Francis''': Err... your fish? :'''Joker''': ''[smacks him with the fish]'' I TOLD YOU NOT TO SPEAK! :'''Harley''': ''[sniffs Francis]'' Ooh, fish stink-a-roony! ''[sprays him with a substance from a perfume bottle, making him cough]'' All better! :'''Joker''': As I was saying, since every fish in Gotham now bares my famous and frankly ''fabulous'' face, I should be getting a profit from every fish product sold. ''[one of his thugs pours out a pile of products]'' Let's say a nickel per fish sandwich, fifty cents for sardines - millions of dollars a day to finance my happily hedonistic lifestyle! So which of your tedious copyright forms do I fill out first? You may speak now. :'''Francis''': No one can copyright fish. They're a natural resource. :'''Joker''': But they share my unique face! [[w:Colonel Sanders|Colonel What's-His-Name]] has chickens, and they don't even have moustaches! :'''Francis''': I can't help it, it's the law! :'''Joker''': Oh! Trying to cheat the Joker, are ya?! Well, we'll see who has the last laugh. You have until midnight to change your mind, Francis, or you'll be the poorest fish of all! ''[leaves, laughing madly, with his thugs following]'' :'''Harley''': ''[blows Francis a kiss as she follows]'' Buh-bye! :'''Francis''': He's crazy...! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Francis''': Err, Batman? Why is this happening to me? I've never done anything to this Joker. I'm just a paper-pusher, I can't change the laws. I'm harmless! :'''Batman''': And in his sick mind, that's the joke, Mr. Francis. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Feeling all right? :'''Francis''': ''[scratching himself]'' Oh, sure. It's just that everything's been so crazy today. I haven't even had time to rinse off that gunk the Joker's girl squirted on me... :'''Batman''': ''[to Gordon]'' GET THIS MAN TO A HOSPITAL! ''NOW!'' :'''Francis''': What?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': You're right, Harley. Fish ''are'' disgusting. I think I'll start using my toxin on cattle. Joker Burgers! Ha! Talk about a [[w:McDonald's|Happy Meal!]] <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': ''[after hitting Batman with a big wrench]'' Meanwhile, back at the "wrench"...! Since my sidesplitters don't tickle you, how 'bout a ''skull''-splitter?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After the Joker is seemingly eaten by the shark]'' :'''Harley''': ''[sniffing sadly]'' Oh, my poor, poor puddin'... :'''Bullock''': Come on, he was a demented, abusive, psychotic maniac. :'''Harley''': Yeah... I'm really gonna miss him! ''[sobs into her handkerchief]'' :'''Gordon''': Do you think he's gone for good? :'''Batman''': Believe me, Jim, I wish it were true. But deep inside, I doubt it. ===''Night Of The Ninja'' [1.35]=== :'''[[w:Kyodai Ken|Kyodai Ken]]''': ''[Throwing Bruce]'' Don't be depressed, Wayne-san. You're not bad for a rich man's pampered son. :'''Sensei''': ''[Leaps across room and throws Kyodai]'' There's always someone better, Kyodai. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': His name is Kyodai Ken. He was good. :'''Robin''': Yeah? How good? :'''Batman''': ''[Quickly]'' Good. :'''Robin''': I see. <hr width="80%"/> ===''Cat Scratch Fever'' [1.36]=== :'''Selina Kyle''': Don't tell me you're my very own private probation officer. How often would you like me to check in? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': "Viral Antitoxins". For a plague that doesn't exist, yet, but if the plague is introduced via stray dogs and cats, it will blanket Gotham City within weeks! :'''Roland Daggett''': Days, actually. You know how many strays there are in Gotham, Batman? Three hundred thousand! Imagine if even a tenth of them carried the virus. Not only will this little bottle make me a hero, it'll make me a fortune as well. ===''The Strange Secret Of Bruce Wayne'' [1.37]=== :''[Joker, Two-Face, and Penguin are bidding over Batman's secret identity]'' :'''Two-Face''': $500,000 :'''Penguin''': Poof. Chicken feed. I'll bet a million! :'''Two-Face''': ''TWO'' Million! :'''Strange''': I have two million. Do I hear three? :'''Joker''': Hold it, hold it, HOLD IT! :'''Two-Face''': Get outta my face, clown! :'''Joker''': Which one? :''[An angered Two-Face is about to attack Joker, but Penguin intervenes]'' :'''Penguin''': Gentlemen, it behooves us not to fight amongst ourselves. :'''Joker''': Well put, sardine breath! I think we should ''pool'' our resources on this. $51,240,685! ''[gets out a little coin purse, and pours out some coins]'' And uh, 53 cents. :'''Strange''': Sold! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Strange''': Joker, please! I was set up! Bruce Wayne is Batman! :'''Two-Face''': That's absurd! I know Bruce Wayne. If he's Batman, I'm the King of England! :'''Joker''': And people say I'M crazy! ===''Heart Of Steel Part 1'' [1.38]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': And who's your little friend? :''[Barbara takes a teddy bear out of her purse]'' :'''Barbara Gordon''': Oh, this is Wubby. I've had him forever. Dad won't pick me up at the airport without bringing him along. :'''Commissioner Gordon''': ''[blushing]'' Well... he knows the way better than I do. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': ''[After learning about the AI project]'' Sounds as if the human race could become quite expendable, except for butlers, of course. :'''Batman''': Of course. ===''Heart Of Steel Part 2'' [1.39]=== :'''Randa''': You have immobilized the maker. :'''[[w:HARDAC|HARDAC]]''': His human imperfection endangers the plan. He must be improved upon. <hr width="50%"/> :'''HARDAC''': The maker's concept was sound, but he did not go far enough - which is why I have taken over. ===''If You're So Smart, Why Aren't You Rich?'' [1.40]=== :'''[[w:Riddler|Edward Nygma]]''': ''[Being cheated out of the sales of his game]'' You are a fool, Mockridge, to think you can get away with this! Your amoral greed is no match for an intellect like mine! :'''Mockridge''': Oh, yeah? Then tell me something, Eddie: if you're so smart, why aren't you ''rich?'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman reprograms the Hand of Fate, and uses it to carry himself and Robin to the centre of the maze]'' :'''Riddler''': That is grand-scale CHEATING, Batman! You're not allowed to tamper with the Hand of Fate! :'''Batman''': I don't believe in fate! :'''Riddler''': You probably don't believe in Minotaurs either, but you'll still have to answer the Riddle. :'''Minotaur Robot''': ''I have billions of eyes, yet I live in darkness. I have millions of ears, yet only four lobes. I have no muscles, yet I move two hemispheres. What am I?'' :'''Batman''': ''[pauses in thought]'' That's simple: the human brain. ''[The Minotaur backs away]'' It has billions of optic and auditory nerves, four lobes and two hemispheres, and it's the only thing Edward Nygma respects. :'''Riddler''': A lucky guess, that's all! But it won't save you, Batman! ''[to the Minotaur]'' DESTROY THEM! ===''Joker's Wild'' [1.41]=== :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[as Joker changes the channel in the TV]'' Hey, I was watching that! :'''Joker''': And now you're watching this! :'''Poison Ivy''': Change it back! :'''Joker''': Nope, nope, nope, nope, don't want to. :'''Poison Ivy''': Guard! :'''Security Guard''': What's the problem? :'''Joker''': Don't look now, Sonny Jim, but the plant lady's gone whackers again. :'''Poison Ivy''': He started it! I was just sitting here! :'''Joker''': That's right, you're always blaming me. And the children wonder why we fight! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...the Joker's Wild! :''[Cameron Kaiser cuts the ribbon and unveils a casino with a gigantic Joker head. He is seen spoken to by Summer Gleeson]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': Ugh, that is disgusting! :'''Cameraman''': Psst, Summer! We're on the air! :'''Summer Gleeson''': ''[mortified]'' Oh! Uh... there you have it! Let's get a reaction from the guests. Mr. Wayne? :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[equally nauseated]'' No comment. :'''Summer Gleeson''': Mr. Kaiser, why build a casino seemingly in honor of one of history's most notorious outlaws? :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Summer, please! Wild Joker is a classic symbol, long associated with cards and games. I can't help it if there's a some passing resemblance to some criminal fruitcake. :''[An enraged Joker smashes the television]'' :'''Joker''': How dare that smug, preening fool try to cash in on ''MY'' image! :'''Poison Ivy''': Now who should lighten up? :'''Joker''': Don't get cute with me, Red. He's ripping me off! I'll protest! Yeah! I'll sue! Then I'll rip his lungs out! And I will, too! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': It was a scheme worthy of ''me'', Kaiser, the way you got me riled up and turned me loose on this place! :'''Cameron Kaiser''': You...! You were supposed to destroy the casino! :'''Joker''': Yeah, but then I realized it'd be more fun to get rid of you and run the show myself! :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Bu-But you can't...! :'''Joker''': Oh please, Mr. Kaiser! You of all people should have realized there'd be a Joker in the deck! ''[laughs]'' ===''Tyger Tyger'' [1.42]=== :'''Dorian''': I want to test Tygrus' reflexes and feral strength, and who better to pit him against than you? I'll give you a generous head start before I release Tygrus. If you defeat him, I shall relinquish this, the antigen to reverse Catwoman's mutation. :'''Batman''': How do I know you'll keep your word? :'''Dorian''': You don't. The clock is ticking, Batman. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': So you ''can'' talk. :'''Tygrus''': My father taught me. :'''Batman''': Your father was a test tube. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': Batman! The antidote! I'll be stuck like this forever! :'''Tygrus''': Would that be so bad? You could stay here, with me. :'''Catwoman''': Oh, Tygrus... I can't live like this, I have to be human again. :'''Tygrus''': ''[sadly, taking her hands in his]'' Goodbye, Selina. :''[As he leaves, Catwoman sees that he has given here the serum. She looks overjoyed, then calls out to him]'' :'''Catwoman''': Wait - won't you come with us? There's nothing for you here. :'''Tygrus''': There's nothing for me anywhere. ''[disappears into the falling rain]'' :'''Batman''': ''[in voiceover]'' "[[w:The Tyger|Tyger Tyger burning bright, in the forests of the night: what immortal hand or eye, dare frame thy fearful symmetry?]]" ===''Moon Of The Wolf'' [1.43]=== :'''Professor Milo''': What you're suffering from is an early stage of lycanthropy, more commonly known as werewolfism; for that I have no treatment. However, advanced werewolfism can be cured. :'''Anthony Romulus''': ''[after a wolf howls, Anthony starts transforming]'' Ohhh, you fool! There's no telling what the werewolf might do! :'''Professor Milo''': Hey, ask me if I care. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Do me a favour, shaggy: stay down! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bullock''': No trace of Wolfie! We checked the shoreline for miles! But in four weeks, there's another full moon. Then we'll know for sure. ===''Day Of The Samurai'' [1.44]=== :''[Batman swoops away after rescuing his Sensei's student, Kairi]'' :'''Kairi''': ''[In Japanese]'' Spirit of the bat... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yoru''': If you see Batman, tell him I have great respect for him. :'''Bruce''': Why? He's as much a ninja as Kyodai was. :'''Yoru''': Not so. Batman offered to help his adversary, and a lesser man would have used the secrets of the Onemuri touch against his opponent. Batman is the essence of samurai, Wayne-san. You would do well to remember that. :'''Bruce''': ''[bows]'' Domo arigato, sensei. ===''Terror In The Sky'' [1.45]=== :'''Batman''': Reports of a huge bat creature the size of a man. Remind you of anybody? :'''Alfred''': Present company excluded? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You couldn't leave it alone, could you, March? You've recreated the mutagen. :'''March''': ''[aiming a tranquilizer rifle at him]'' Recreated it? I've ''refined'' it! At night, on my own, so the others wouldn't know. I still believe only a creature like a Man-Bat can survive the next evolutionary cataclysm - and it will! My new serum could be even more powerful than Kirk's! :'''Batman''': ''[after disarming March]'' "''Could'' be"? What do you mean? :'''March''': I needed to test it, but before I had the chance-- :'''Batman''': ''[clearly surprised]'' You mean you ''haven't'' taken it? :'''March''': Of course not! The experimental batch was destroyed. I'll have to-- :'''Batman''': Destroyed? How? :'''March''': I'd been working through the night. I was just completing the final combination. ''[remembers incident at his lab as he drops the beaker of mutagen upon Francine's surprise entry]'' Francine burst in. I was startled. You have to understand I was very tired, I accidentally dropped the beaker. The whole night's work, ruined! Francine never guessed what I was doing, she even helped me clean up the mess. All that... glass! ''[recalls Francine licking her finger after it is pricked by a small shard of glass]'' Oh... oh, my lord... Francine! The mutagen - it's in ''her'' bloodstream now! ''[breaks down at his folly as Batman loads a tranquilizer into a pistol of his and then gives March the formula paperwork]'' :'''Batman''': Is ''that'' what it's going to take? Your daughter's life, before you end this insanity? :''[Later that night, March burns the files]'' ===''Almost Got 'Im'' [1.46]=== :'''Joker''': I want a nice clean game, gentlemen. :'''Penguin''': That'll be a first. So, I hear 'you-know-who' nailed the Mad Hatter last week. :'''Joker''': No kidding. He sure gets around for one guy. :'''Two-Face''': Yeah, well that's where you're wrong. I don't think it IS one guy. :'''[[w:Killer Croc|Killer Croc]]''': Huh? :'''Two-Face''': The way I figure it, Gordon's got a bunch of 'em stashed someplace like a SWAT team. He wants you to think it's one guy, but- :'''Joker''': Meh. You're always seeing double. :'''Penguin''': It's obvious our caped friend suffered some crime-related trauma when he was younger. Perhaps an over-anxious mugger blew off a piece of his face. :'''Joker''': Sure! He could be all gross and disgusting under that mask! ''[as Two-Face crushes a milk carton]'' Uh, no offense, Harv. :'''Two-Face''': Just deal. :'''Killer Croc''': Well, ya know what ''I'' think? :'''Joker''': Not the robot theory again... :'''Killer Croc''': Well, he COULD be. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Two-Face''': Poison Ivy... :'''Poison Ivy''': It's been a long time Harvey. You're still looking...halfway decent. :'''Two-Face''': Half of me wants to strangle ya. :'''Poison Ivy''': And what's the other part want? :'''Two-Face''': To hit you with a truck! :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[to the others]'' We used to date. :'''Penguin/Joker''': Ah. ===''Birds Of A Feather'' [1.47]=== :'''[[w:Penguin (comics)|Penguin]]''': Say, who's there? Two-Face? Croc? Joker, old shoe? :'''Batman''': None of the above, Penguin. :'''Penguin''': Oh no, not you... :'''Batman''': Get used to it. Wherever you go, I'll be right behind you. :'''Penguin''': Precisely where you belong. But you needn't bother. Haven't you heard? I've reformed. Paid my debt to society, and all that. :'''Batman''': We'll see. I just came to tell you to keep your beak clean. :'''Penguin''': ''[grabs a can of rat poison]'' As long as you're here, won't you stay for a cappuccino? :''[Batman gives him an annoyed look before leaving]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Batman defeats a gang of thugs threatening the Penguin and Veronica]'' :'''Batman''': I knew you couldn't stay clean for more than one day. :'''Veronica''': Let him go! He didn't do anything. It was those brutes! :'''Batman''': ''[genuinely surprised]'' He wasn't with them? :'''Penguin''': That's right, you vulgar vigilante! In my day, I associated with a much higher class of riff-raff! :'''Veronica''': I'm so sorry, Ozzie. :'''Penguin''': As long as you weren't bruised, my peach. ''[kisses her hand]'' :'''Batman''': "Peach"? :'''Penguin''': Why don't you be a good masked man and ride off into the night? This time, ''I'll'' clean up after ''you.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Veronica''': Please, Oswald! If it's money you want, I can get you more! :'''Penguin''': ''SHUT UP!'' All I wanted from ''you'', dearie, was a little friendship. That would have cost you ''nothing.'' But now you'll pay! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Veronica''': Oswald? I really was growing fond of you. It's too bad this had to happen. :'''Penguin''': ''[coldly]'' I suppose it's true what they say: society is to blame. ''High'' society. ===''What Is Reality?'' [1.48]=== :'''Batman''': "Where does a 500 pound gorilla sleep?" "What's worse than a millipede with flat feet?" "How do you stuff five elephants into a compact car?" :'''Alfred''': Anywhere it wants, a giraffe with a sore throat, and two in the front seat, two in the back, and one in the trunk. :'''Batman''': Yeah, yeah. I know, I know. Any schoolboy knows those. But brain teasers are the Riddler's M.O. Not corny old jokes like these. :'''Alfred''': Perhaps the questions are the clues, not the answers. For example, they all seem to involve animals. :'''Batman''': Also numbers. A ''500'' pound gorilla. A millipede, meaning a thousand legs. And five elephants. Now let's convert them to Roman numerals. ''[he does, revealing the letters DMV]'' Look! :'''Alfred''': DMV... :'''Batman and Alfred''': Department of Motor Vehicles! :'''Alfred''': But I recall you mentioning he'd already obliterated his records there, so why return? :'''Batman''': For the hard copy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no tales. :'''Batman''': Another riddle, Nygma? :''[Four quarters and a single penny emerge from the return change chute]'' :'''Riddler''': It all makes sense when you add it up! :''[In the Batmobile]'' :'''Alfred''': Four quarters and a penny, sir? :'''Batman''': Penny... Penny... Cent... Red cent... Copper. It's made of copper. :'''Alfred''': And "copper" is another word for a policeman. :'''Batman''': And "no tails" would be heads. Police head... Quarters! :'''Alfred''': Police Headquarters. Bravo, sir! It does make "cents" when you add it up! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': He can't be online! I searched through every file. :'''Riddler''': You searched the software. Had you bothered to examine the hardware you would have discovered a cordless modem line. :'''Riddler''': A pity you can't earn extra lives in this game.Quite an experience being riddled with questions, isn't it, Batman :'''Robin''': Batman don't open that door Crazy Intent means Loco Motion! Batman finds himself on a chessboard: :'''Riddler''':Only Batman can put the King in check and you have to move according to the rules or its the end of the day :'''Robin''':They call you the dark Knight..so you have to move like a knight (If Batman fails to move as a knight it'll be "KNightfall" (!) :'''Riddler''':Careful, vigilante, you know what they say, "Curiosity killed the Bat". :'''Batman''': Can you solve it? :'''Robin''': Are you kidding? You're looking at the guy who solved the Baxter's Box puzzle in 37 seconds! Course, this time I don't have a sledge hammer... After escaping Riddler Virtual realty Traps, Batman tries to rescue Gordon from Riddler :'''Batman''': You may control this world, Nygma, but I still control myself! :'''Riddler''': The name is "Riddler"! Edward Nygma doesn't exist anymore! You may recall that he was once fired by an ungrateful employer! That was a private matter and was meant to remain one! :'''Batman''': Attempted homicide is never a "private matter", Nygma! :'''Riddler''': No, but it would have been if you hadn't interfered and turned Edward Nygma into a fugitive! So I deleted Nygma. Just as I'm about to delete you, Batman. :'''Batman''':Tell me this.. Riddler how can you spread your conscious thirty-two times..and still have the concentration to keep your world together? YOU CAN'T! Batman saves Gordon :'''Riddler''': No....NO..... I can escape that easy...but if the Planet was equitable...I'd still have my old Job....No...wait...I'M ...not Ready.....AHHHHH' :'''Gordon''': But we'll never find him :'''Batman''': I think he left us a clue..."If the planet were equitable, I'd still have my old job". :'''Robin''': Of course. If the "World's Fair," I'd still have my "Ex-position". Oh, give me a break. [Batman, Robin and Gordon find Riddler mind trapped in his virtual realty world] :'''Batman''': Looks like he didn't escape his virtual reality in time. :'''Robin''': You mean he's been trapped inside his own program? :'''Batman''': Could be and how to get him out may be a riddle no one can solve. ===''I Am The Night'' [1.49]=== :'''Batman''': A weary body can be dealt with. But a weary spirit? That's something else. Sometimes, old friend, I wonder if I'm really doing any good out there. :'''Alfred''': How can you doubt it? The lives you've saved, the criminals you've brought to justice-- :'''Batman''': I've put out a few fires, yes. Won a few battles. But the war goes on, Alfred. On and on... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Leslie Thompkins''': You seem quieter than usual tonight. :'''Batman''': Every year, I come here and wonder if it should be the last time. If I should put the past behind me, try to lead a normal life. :'''Dr. Thompkins''': [[George Santayana|Santayana]] says, "Those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it." :'''Batman''': He also said a fanatic is someone who redoubles his efforts while losing sight of his goal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I chose this life. I use the night - I ''became'' the night. Sooner or later, I'll go down. It might be the Joker, or Two-Face, or just some punk who gets lucky. My decision, no regrets. But I can't let anyone else pay for my mistakes. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': "[[Friedrich Nietzsche|When you look too long into the abyss, the abyss looks back through you.]]" Maybe it's time for Batman to return to the night that spawned him, before anyone else gets hurt! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[grabs Wizard]'' Up to your old tricks, I see. How about returning that suitcase to its owner? :'''Wizard''': Hey, man, I ''am'' the owner. :''[Batman, surprised, lets him go]'' :'''Wizard''': Y'know, I was kinda hoping I'd run into you. I'd been in those places like where you left me before. Heard the rap, wasn't impressed. But this time, it made sense. Maybe I was ready to hear it. So I'm heading back home. I guess I kinda owe it to you, Batman. You probably saved my life. I'll bet you hear this all the time. Look, I'm gonna miss my bus, I'll see you around. And... thanks. :''[Batman smiles as he watches Wizard leave]'' ===''Off Balance'' [1.50]=== :'''[[w:Talia al Ghul|Talia]]''': My contact lenses! I lost them when we fell! They counter the distortion effect. Without them, I'm as helpless as you. :'''Batman''': I don't do helpless. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Ra's al Ghul|Ra's al Ghul]]''': So even in defeat, the detective manages to achieve some small measure of victory. As you said, detective: this is not over. ===''The Man Who Killed Batman'' [1.51]=== :'''Joker''': You know, there's just one thing bothering me about your story, Sid. No body. No BATUS DELECTI so to speak. We need to pull a job tonight just to make sure. :'''Murphy, Joker's henchman''': Make sure what, boss? :'''Joker''': ''[surprised by Murphy's question]'' Why that old Batsy's bought the cave of course, and one more thing Murphy.....''[turning more annoyed]'' don't ask stupid questions. ''[pushes Murphy to the hyenas who scratch and lick him crazily, to Joker's satisfaction]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': I'll get the mop. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': When the cops come, stall them for awhile, just until Batman arrives. '' Got it?'' :'''Henchman''': Right, boss. :'''Joker''': ''[to Murphy, still scarred from the hyenas]'' Any questions, Murph? :'''Murphy''': No sir! :'''Joker''': ''[to Sid The Squid]'' Good man. And if Batman hasn't ''really'' gone to his final reward, ''we'll'' see that he gets there! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Dear friends... today is the day the Clown cried. And he cries not for the passing of one man, but for the death of a dream. The dream that he would someday taste the ultimate victory over his hated enemy. For it was the Batman who made me the happy soul I am today. How I agonized over the perfect way to thank him for that. Perhaps with a cyanide pie in the face. Or an exploding whoopie-cushion playfully planted in the Batmobile. But those dreams were dashed by the weaselly little gunsel sitting there in our midst. The cowardly insignificant gonif who probably got lucky when Batman slipped on the slime trail this loser left behind him. This mound of diseased hyena filth who's not fit to lick the dirt from my spats...! But I digress. The time for sorrow has passed. It's time to look to a future filled with smiles. And I'll be smiling again just as soon as we take that man THERE...and slap him in that box THERE...and roll him into that vat of acid THERE! Well that was fun...who's for Chinese?! ===''Mudslide'' [1.52]=== :'''Clayface''': ''[After civilians flee in terror upon seeing his true form]'' That's right, run! Run for your measly lives! Run from Clayface! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Clayface''': You've upstaged me for the last time, Batman. Time to bring down the curtain! ===''Paging The Crime Doctor'' [1.53]=== :'''Rupert Thorne''': You think you iced the Batman, huh? Heh heh heh... Not on your best day, Jake! I'd cover my back if I were you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce Wayne''': Bruce Wayne, Dr. Thorne. Thomas Wayne's son. Did you get my letter? :'''[[w:Joseph Campanella|Matthew Thorne]]''': Yes. Thomas Wayne... :'''Bruce Wayne''': I told you I can help with your legal costs, maybe even put in a good word with the judge. :'''Matthew Thorne''': Yes, but what do you get out of it? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Well, there is something you can do for me. :'''Matthew Thorne''': I knew it! I knew there'd be a catch. Sorry, Mr. Wayne. Matthew Thorne is no longer for sale! :'''Bruce Wayne''': I'm not looking for any illegal favors. :'''Matthew Thorne''': What then? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Something you know. Something only you can give me. ''[pause]'' Tell me about my father. :''[Dr. Thorne grins and camera pans out as he ushers Bruce to resume his seat]'' ===''Zatanna'' [1.54]=== :'''[[w:Zatanna|Zatanna]]''': What do you care about some leggy dame in nylons- or have I just answered my own question? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zatanna''': ''[About Batman's mask]'' What happened that made you put this on? :'''Batman''': A painful memory, and a promise. ===''The Mechanic'' [1.55]=== :'''The Penguin''': ''[furious at his men for stealing the wrong stamps by mistake]'' These are terrible! Terrible! :'''Eagleton''': ''[indignant]'' Come on, boss. Give me a break. We got you the stamps. What more do you want? :'''The Penguin''': ''[tossing the worthless stamps angrily]'' I wanted the rare ones! The reversed Audubons! These aren't worth enough to pay for the repairs to the limousine. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Earl Cooper''': ''[sees the damaged Batmobile]'' You been letting the kid drive again? :'''Robin''': Ha ha. Actually we were playing chicken with a penguin. :'''Batman''': Or three of his men. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Penguin is scrubbing license plates in prison]'' :'''Penguin''': ''[reading one]'' "1 BAT 4U"?! ''[breaks it in anger]'' ===''Harley and Ivy'' [1.56]=== :'''Joker''': NO, we didn't get the diamond! The Dork Knight showed up before we even got to the museum! I had a great shot at him, too. Except... my dear little Harley Quinn handed me the wrong gun! :'''Harley Quinn''': But puddin', it was kinda funny watching you shoot at him with the bang flag! ''[Rocco and Henshaw can't help laughing then stifle it as the Joker glares at them]'' :'''Joker''': ''[turning back to Harley]'' Funny? You presume to tell me what I should think is funny?!? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[Poison Ivy trips the alarm, spoiling and hers and Harley Quinn's separate robberies]'' Nice going, butterfingers! Why not turn on the Bat-Signal while you're at it? :'''Poison Ivy''': I wasn't TRYING to get caught! :'''Harley Quinn''': Could've fooled me! Hey, aren't you that plant lady Poison Oakie? :'''Poison Ivy''': Ivy! Poison IVY, not Oakie! :'''Harley Quinn''': Sorry! Harley Quinn, please to meet ya! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Poison Ivy is about to give an injection to Harley Quinn]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': I hate shots! I hate shots! :'''Poison Ivy''': Now, now. You're not immune to poison like I am, and you won't last ten minutes here in Toxic Acres without my antidote. ''[gives the injection]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': Oooh! Whew, you'd think after livin' with Mr. J, I'd be used to a little pain. :'''Poison Ivy''': Why do you put up with that clown? :'''Harley Quinn''': Don't get me wrong. My puddin's a little rough sometimes, but he loves me, really. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[sarcastically]'' Sure he does. You're just one big, forgiving doormat, aren't you? :'''Harley Quinn''': I am NOT a doormat! ...Am I? :'''Poison Ivy''': If you had a middle name, it would be Welcome. But cheer up, kid. You just need some lessons in good old female self-esteem. In other words, let's play with the boys on ''our'' terms. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': That should keep you big strong men busy while we weak little girls loot your trophy room. :'''Harley Quinn''': Gee, Ives, you got style! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[sighs softly]'' No offense, Ives, but I'm not very hungry. Somehow I don't feel like my old perky self. Something's missing. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[angrily slams her form on Harley's plate]'' Will you stop?! I can't believe you're still mooning over that psychotic creep! :'''Harley Quinn''': Well, maybe I'd feel better if I knew he missed me, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': HARLEY!!! This place is going to blinking blue blazes! Anybody seen my socks?! '''HARLEY!!!''' ''[the hyenas snarl at Joker]'' OH!! They snapped at me! What's going on, Rock? This place is a mess, no one's fed the hyenas and I can't find my socks! Where's Harley?! :'''Rocko''': Y-y-ya canned her, boss. Remember? :'''Joker''': So? She's always come back before. :'''Rocko''': Gee... I guess ya ain't seen the papers then. :'''Joker''': Papers?! What are you babbling about?! ''[snatches the newspaper from Rocko and reads an article of Harley's partnership with Poison Ivy]'' '''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!''''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[to Poison Ivy]'' I remember when I would go driving like this with Mr. J. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[imitating Harley Quinn]'' "Mr. J, Mr. J." Oh, change the record, Harl! You wanna be some wacko's victim the rest of your life?! ===''Shadow Of The Bat Part 1'' [1.57]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[indignant after reading about James Gordon's arrest]'' We'll see about this. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara Gordon]]''': So Batman can't help me? Fine. Let's see what Batgirl can do! ===''Shadow Of The Bat Part 2'' [1.58]=== :'''Two-Face''': Don't get wise with me, Mason. Remember who got you set up as Gordon's assistant? :'''Gil Mason''': Right, Harvey, right. :'''Two-Face''': ''[grabs him]'' Don't call me that! It's TWO-FACE to you, pretty boy! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I should've known it would be Two-Face. It's a perfect two-part plan. He consolidates the gangs while Mason takes over the police. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Gil Mason is about to murder James Gordon to become commissioner, and later mayor]'' :'''Gil Mason''': It's business, Jim. Nothing personal. Matter of fact, I respect you, I do. But a fellow has to take his opportunities where he finds them. And with you out of the way, I'll be mayor inside of a year! :'''Gordon''': You're SICK, Gil! ''[glances at Two-Face]'' A lot sicker than him! At least I can see his bad half! :'''Mason''': Sorry you feel that way. At least you won't have to worry about Barbara. I'll take good care of her. She's very fond of me, you know. :'''Gordon''': You piece of scum! I may not be able to stop you, but I know someone who will! :'''Mason''': I wouldn't get your hopes up. You see, there's been a recent decline in the bat population... ===''Blind As A Bat'' [1.59]=== :'''Penguin''': Your aim appears to be a little off today, Batman. I don't think you could hit the broad side of a barn, let alone the broad side of this bird! You're blind as a bat. Sightless and helpless. :'''Batman''': You've got ''one'' right. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': You have a call on your private line. :'''Bruce''': Then let's go! :'''Alfred''': In your condition, sir? :'''Bruce''': If you think a little inconvenience like this is going to stop me... :''[he knocks over a lamp]'' :'''Alfred''': Indeed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': ''[contacting Mayor Hill's office from the Raven]'' Quite a machine, this Raven. Amazing what its communications equipment can do. Don't you agree? You've received my instructions? :'''Mayor Hill''': They arrived by messenger this morning. You know, one-hundred million is a a lot of money. It'll take time to raise that much. :'''Penguin''': You're stalling, Hill. Obviously, you're not taking me seriously. I've warned you not to make that mistake. Apparently, I'll have to show you why. :''[shuts off communication and Hill angrily snaps his pencil in half]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Hill''': Just what I was afraid of. According to the controller's office, we can't come close to putting that ransom together. Not without shutting down basic municipal services. :'''Detective Bullock''': So what other options do we got? :'''Batman''': ''[emerging from the shadows]'' None, gentlemen. Which is why you're going to do exactly what the Penguin wants you to. ===''The Demon's Quest Part 1'' [1.60]=== :'''Ra's al Ghul''': As [[W:Napoleon|Napoleon]] told me, "A strong will can fuel a frail physique." <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Look at it, detective. One of the last of the rainforests. The world depends upon its oxygen, yet the rich see only profit in its destruction. You, who belong to the overclass, have much to answer for. :'''Batman''': Bruce Wayne donates millions of dollars a year to preserve these forests. :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Which are being depleted at the rate of 120,000 acres a day. Does your money solve this problem? No! It will take more than wealth. It will take power, and I fear, ruthlessness. Humankind must be forced to serve the planet instead of its own appetites. :'''Batman''': And you're the one who'll do the forcing? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': I am... qualified, yes. But I may not have sufficient lifetimes left to me. ===''The Demon's Quest Part 2'' [1.61]=== :'''Ubu''': Infidel! :'''Batman''': If you only knew how sick I am of you calling me that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ra's al Ghul''': The material of the Pit is an unknown chemical stew that bubbles to the Earth's surface only in certain key places. Even now, my people are placing bombs, such as that one, over the various Lazarus Pits around the world. These bombs are electronically linked to a private satellite already in Earth orbit. :'''Batman''': ''Orpheus''. :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Precisely. And at the moment when sun and moon are in proper alignment to cause the greatest upheaval in Earth's geomagnetic field, I shall send a signal to that satellite, beginning a countdown. Five minutes thereafter, one bomb will be lowered deep into the heart of each Pit. The satellite will in turn relay a microwave signal that will detonate all the bombs simultaneously. The multiple explosions will result in a global chain reaction. All the Lazarus Pits throughout the world will overflow. The globe will be saturated with their chemical solution, and when the resultant cataclysm has abated, there will come a blessed peace, and this poor, defiled planet shall find itself restored to its former pristine glory. :'''Batman''': But that will cost countless lives! :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Actually, Detective, we ''have'' counted: Two billion, fifty-six million, nine hundred and eighty-six thousand! A most impressive plan, would you not agree? :'''Batman''': Yes... I can see it clearly now for the first time. You are completely out of your mind. ===''His Silicon Soul'' [1.62]=== :'''Rossum''': You don't understand. You're not a man's mind in a robot's body. You're a robot. Period. :'''Bat-Duplicant''': You're lying! It's not possible! I know my family and friends! I remember names, faces, birthdays! I have memories! A past! :'''Rossum''': You have information. Data. Nothing more. Do you remember your first kiss? Your favorite song? The last time you tasted a really good steak? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[about the duplicant]'' Could it be it had a soul, Alfred? A soul of silicon, but a soul nonetheless. ===''Fire From Olympus'' [1.63]=== :'''Stavros''': Please! It's not what you think. I wasn't going to say anything. Honest! :'''[[w:Maxie Zeus|Maximillion "Maxie" Zeus]]''': Silence! First, you transgress against me. Then, you force me to descend to the mortal plane. And now, you tell me I know not what I think?! :'''Stavros''': No! :'''Zeus''': To the depths of Tartarus with you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zeus''': You bore me with these tales of petty human concerns. :'''Clio''': ''[annoyed]'' You're doing it again, Max. :'''Zeus''': You are Clio, my muse of history. Amuse me with tales of ancient times when mortals trembled at the name of Zeus. :'''Clio''': You want a story? I got one. Seems there was this guy named Max who, because he'd been lucky so far in the smuggling racket, believed himself to be untouchable, superior, godlike... :'''Zeus''': There's a cynical edge to your voice I don't appreciate. Know you not, I am above mortal constraints of right and wrong? :'''Clio''': No one is above the law, Max. :'''Zeus''': I make my own laws! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zeus''': Begone, Lord [[w:Hades|Hades]]. Get thee back to thine own realm. Do not come again to Olympus until bidden! :'''Batman''': I think I get the message. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Clio''': ''[telling Batman about Zeus]'' He wasn't always this way, you know. But then business got bad and he started handling cargo for the mob. After a while, with the pressure, the tension... things got confused. He's not living in the real world anymore. ''[awkwardly]'' Maybe you can relate to that? :'''Batman''': ''[after a short silence]'' You're the only one who can get me close enough to help him - while some of the man you knew still exists. ===''Read My Lips'' [1.64]=== :'''Batman''': How do you think I found this place? The phone book? I had help. ''Inside'' help. :'''[[w:Ventriloquist (comics)|Scarface]]''': My premonition! I knew I was right! Which one of you louses is it?! :'''Rhino''': It ain't me boss! :'''Scarface''': I know it ain't you, Rhino! You're too stupid to be a traitor! :'''Rhino''': Thanks, boss. :'''Scarface''': But whoever it is, they're gonna pay big time! Who is it?! You don't talk, you get the ultimate massage! :'''Batman''': And if I tell? :'''Scarface''': Maybe you just get run over by a truck. :'''Batman''': Tempting, but no. :'''Scarface''': Have it your way. Rhino! :''[Rhino gets ready to pull the lever to lower Batman to a pit of mannequins with razor-sharp fingernails]'' :'''Batman''': Hold it! :'''Scarface''': This is gettin' old, Bats. Last chance, who's the traitor? :'''Batman''': Him! The Ventriloquist! :''[everyone glares at the Ventriloquist]'' :'''Ventriloquist''': No, no! He's lying! I told you when he came into my room! :'''Scarface''': So what? Maybe you did 'cause I had ya cornered. Heard ya talkin' to Batman. :'''Batman''': ''[uses his own ventriloquism to imitate the Ventriloquist]'' Shut up, you blockhead! :'''Scarface''': WHAT DID YOU SAY?! :'''Ventriloquist''': It wasn't me! I didn't say that! My lips didn't move! :'''Scarface''': So what?! You're a ventriloquist! You're also a lyin' yellow liver-bellied two-face! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, Scarface! I'm loyal! I'd never! :'''Batman''': He's been feeding me information, in return for legal protection. ''[imitates the Ventriloquist again]'' You're going up the river, sawdust-for-brains! :'''Scarface''': Why, I oughta...! Waste the floor-flusher! Come on, I gave an order! ICE HIM! DO IT! DO IT NOW! :'''Muggsy''': But, boss, we ventilate the Ventriloquist, your, y'know... :'''Scarface''': I'M SURROUNDED BY TRAITORS! Okay, fine. Ya want something done right, do it yourself! ''[aims his gun at the Ventriloquist]'' ===''The Worry Men'' [1.65]=== :'''Veronica''': If ever someone led a worry-free life, it's you, Bruce Wayne. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce''': Tell me, Alfred: what's an ancient Mayan witch doctor doing on a Gotham skyscraper? :'''Alfred''': This isn't one of those Riddler questions, is it? :'''Bruce''': No, but it's just as confusing. <hr width="50%"/> :''[As Batman attempts to escape from his guillotine]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Oh, you're a clever one! But I will not be denied! As the great [[w:Lewis Carroll|Lewis Carroll]] said: "[[w:Jabberwocky|One, two, one, two, and through and through the vorpal blade went snicker-snack! He left it dead, and with its head, he went galumphing back!]]" <hr width="50%"/> :''[Freed from his mind control, the Mad Hatter's jaguar gang turn on him]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Stop! :'''Shaman''': Yes, stop. Leave him to the police. :'''Mad Hatter''': Thank you. Thank you, you generous, forgiving, ''[draws a gun from his hat]'' noble fool! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': I must say, after all the Hatter put him through, that fellow showed remarkable restraint. :'''Bruce''': When everything was said and done, all the shaman really wanted was to go home. In fact, I hear he even sent the Hatter a farewell gift. :''[The Hatter is seen tossing and turning in bed in Arkham]'' :'''Bruce''': Something to ensure that Jervis Tetch only dreams of a good honest life from now on. :''[A Batman doll is revealed from under the Hatter's pillow]'' ==Season 2== ===''Sideshow'' [2.1]=== :'''Killer Croc''': You know, there's something the brains back at the joint didn't think about. :'''Prison Guard''': Yeah, what's that? :'''Killer Croc''': Crocodile's got the strongest jaws of any animal around. ''[bites his handcuffs in half]'' :'''Prison Guard''': ''[spits the coffee out of his mouth and pins Croc with the shotgun]'' Get back! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman arrives with his shadow. Goliath wakes up and Batman covers Goliath's mouth by calming him down]'' :'''Batman''': Calm down, I won't hurt you. I'm just looking for someone: half man, half crocodile. ''[Goliath looks over worriedly]'' He's in there, isn't he? :'''Goliath''': ''[Pushes Batman to the cage]'' No! Stay away! ''[Holds him against it]'' He's one of us. Croc, run! :'''Batman''': ''[Kicks Goliath into the stomach]'' I don't wanna hurt you. :'''Goliath''': Don't worry, you won't. ''[Hits Batman with the big punch and Batman and Goliath starts fighting]'' :'''Killer Croc''': ''[Comes out of the house]'' You. ''[Gives Batman a spear]'' :'''Billy''': Richard, help! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Billy the Seal Boy''': Why, Croc? Why'd you turn on us like that? We could have helped you, we could have done something. :'''Killer Croc''': You said you can be yourself out here, remember? Well, I guess that's what I was doing - being myself. ===''A Bullet For Bullock'' [2.2]=== :'''Bullock''': Let's get something straight from the get-go. I think you're a freak and a menace, and those are your ''good'' points. But the commish says you serve a purpose, so I go along. :'''Batman''': I appreciate your honesty. What's the problem? :'''Bullock''': Somebody's got it in for me. Tried to give me a fender massage last night. It ain't the first time. Last week too. :'''Batman''': Any suspects? :'''Bullock''': So many, they could have their own zip code. I've put a lot of guys away, and they hate me for it. Looks like one of them hates me enough to do something about it. :'''Batman''': Why me? Why not just go to the department? :'''Bullock''': I step on a lot of toes. I don't want Internal Affairs looking at me too close. They might find some things I don't want found. :'''Batman''': Are you on the take? :'''Bullock''': Watch it, freak! I never took a dime from nobody! I just bend the rules a little sometimes, you understand. We're not all that different. :'''Batman''': We're on the same side, but we're ''not'' the same. I'll help you find out who's after you, but you've got to collar them clean. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': We ''are'' speaking of the same person, are we not? Harvey Bullock? The detective who looks like an unmade bed? :'''Batman''': The same. :'''Alfred''': He came to ''you'' for help? It must be serious. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Montoya''': Bullock? You okay? You don't look so good. I mean, you never look good, but today you look worse. :'''Bullock''': After fifteen years working in this cesspool, I'd like to see how good ''you'' look! <hr width="50%"/> :''[In the Batmobile]'' :'''Bullock''': Nice starship you got here. What's this for? ''[points towards a button]'' :'''Batman''': Passenger ejector seat. :''[Bullock withdraws nervously, while Batman smirks slightly]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bullock''': By the way, I still think you're a freak, but... thanks. ===''Trial'' [2.3]=== :'''Two-Face''': Basic fifty-fifty option. You get him off, you both go free. He goes down, you take the fall with him. :'''Mad Hatter''': Amusing idea, what? Kidnapping you to be Batman's attorney? :'''Two-Face''': Personally, I suggested a quick slug between the eyes... but I lost the coin toss. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarface''': Court is now in session! The Good People of Arkham Asylum vs. the Self-Righteous Vigilante Called Batman! Our prosecutor is ready, likewise our fair and impartial jury. :'''Mad Hatter''': Hang him! :'''Harley''': Shoot him! :'''Killer Croc''': Hit him with a rock! :'''Scarface''': And now, all rise for the most honorable, most benevolent, most merciful Judge Joker! :'''Joker''': GUILTY! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I was promised a chance to defend my client! :'''Joker''': Oh, very well. Like it'll make a difference. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I suppose that you, like your friends, claim that Batman ''drove'' you to be a criminal? :'''Mad Hatter''': He did. :'''Janet Van Dorn''': And yet, as I recall in your case, you brainwashed and kidnapped a woman who rejected you. :'''Mad Hatter''': Batman forced me to do it! He was going to take her away from me! I had no choice! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': You could have respected her wishes and left her alone. :'''Mad Hatter''': I'D HAVE KILLED HER FIRST! ''[gasps and covers his mouth, then turns to the Joker]'' I'd like that last statement stricken from the record, please. :'''Joker''': Record? Is someone supposed to be writing this down? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': And so it's Batman's fault you lead a life of crime? :'''Poison Ivy''': He should have let me bump off Harvey Dent. We'd all have been better off - wouldn't we, Harv? :'''Two-Face''': ''[muttering while flipping his coin]'' Why, you rotten little... :'''Janet Van Dorn''': But Miss Isley, isn't the real motivation for your crimes your obsession with plants? That you prefer them to people? :'''Poison Ivy''': I love plants, honey, but a rose is a rose. :'''Janet Van Dorn''': Then it doesn't bother you when someone, let's say the judge here, ''[plucks the flower from the Joker's robe]'' ruthlessly ''plucks'' a defenceless flower from the warm green earth? :'''Poison Ivy''': No! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': Even knowing he's given it his death sentence? That its petals must die? ''[starts pulling its petals out]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': Stop it...! :'''Poison Ivy''': One by one, withering, falling. One by one till it's all gone, ''honey.'' :''[She crushes the flower so that it crumbles apart. Ivy shrieks with rage and attacks her, and the Scarecrow and Mad Hatter rush in to restrain her]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Miss Ivy, please! :'''Scarface''': You look beautiful when you're angry. :''[Ivy smacks the Ventriloquist in the face, and Scarface laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I used to believe Batman was responsible for you people. But now I see nearly everyone here would have ended up exactly the same, Batman or not. Oh, the gimmicks might be different, but you'd all be out there in some form or another bringing misery to Gotham. The truth is, ''you'' created ''him.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Well done, counsellor. You've proven that Batman ''didn't'' create us - that we, in fact, messed up our own rotten lives! And as we are so rotten, vile and depraved... we're going to waste you anyway! :''[The inmates cheer and close in on Batman and Janet]'' :'''Joker''': [[w:Porky Pig|A-bi-a-bi-a-bi, that's all, folks!]] ''[bangs down a rubber chicken]'' Let's mambo! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I see now there's a need for the things you do. But I'm still going to work towards a city that doesn't need Batman. :'''Batman''': ''[smiling]'' Me too. ===''Avatar'' [2.4]=== :'''Lucius Fox''': Without a doubt, this will be one of the best museum exhibitions Gotham City has ever seen. You can be quite the humanitarian on occasion, Bruce. It's commendable. It's inspiring. :'''Bruce''': It's deductible. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce''': You've got a serious priority problem, Ra's. What can be in that tomb that's more valuable than the love of your daughter? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Power, detective. The power once held by almighty Thoth-Khepera, Queen of Two Continents. :'''Bruce''': You surprise me, Ra's. The world's oldest chauvinist chasing after a woman? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Thoth-Khepera was not simply a woman, detective, nor merely a ruler. Through her flowed the power of the gods. With no more than a gesture, she controlled the force of life and death, and with it, she kept a nation under her thumb for one thousand years. :'''Bruce''': You sound like a bad Saturday afternoon serial, Ra's. This is sheer nonsense. :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': No, detective - I know there is a power there to be tapped! My six hundred years of life are proof of that power. :''[Bruce and Talia are trapped in a glass booth]'' :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Farewell, detective. Farewell, Talia. It is said that one finds one's immortality in one's offspring. Alas, I know that to be a lie. ===''House and Garden'' [2.5]=== :'''Batman''': She's done nothing more incriminating than return an overdue video - even paid the late fee. :'''Alfred''': Could it be Ivy truly has reformed? :'''Batman''': I want to believe it. Why can't I? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You haven't changed a bit. :'''Poison Ivy''': Yes, I have. I meant it when I said I wanted a family that loves me. I just wanted it on my terms. :'''Robin''': Lady, you're nuts! :'''Poison Ivy''': Well, that's ''your'' opinion. Probably the last one you'll ever have, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': I'm just sorry she got away. :'''Batman''': Me too, Robin. But I don't think we'll see her again anytime soon. :''[The real Ivy is shown escaping on a plane out of Gotham, looking through a scrapbook]'' :'''Batman''': Ivy lost everything she had, everything she said she ever wanted. For what it's worth, I believed her when she told me that for the first time in her life... she was happy. :''[Ivy sheds tears as she looks at a photo of her wedding]'' ===''The Terrible Trio'' [2.6]=== :'''Warren''': Is this all you do for kicks, Bruce? Charity work? :'''Bruce''': Well, I do have a night life. Pull! ''[shoots down a clay pigeon]'' Besides, it's important to help others. It may sound corny, but hey, it's how I feel. :'''Warren''': You must recognize that you are a superior animal, Bruce. A member of the elite. Pull! ''[shoots down another clay pigeon]'' Take my Delta brothers and me. Why, we've run with the bulls! :'''Armand''': Shot game from hot air balloons! :'''Gunther''': Killed a great white! :'''Warren''': We've done it all. Ah, therein lies the problem. After all, what do the rajas do when there are no more tigers to hunt? :'''Bruce''': I'm sure you'll think of something, Warren. ''[leaves]'' :'''Warren''': Dollar for dollar, that has to be the dullest man in Gotham City. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Scoundrels like these are worse than the Joker. At least he's got madness as an excuse! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Let's go, Fox. You've raided your last chicken coop. :'''Warren''': Wait, wait a minute! We can make a deal! A million dollars to let me go! ''Ten'' million! Think about it. Buys a lot of Batarangs! :'''Batman''': ''[unimpressed]'' Your money's no good here. :'''Warren''': Okay, fine! Go ahead, take me in, hero! I've got every judge in town in my pocket! You'll see! I'll get justice! The best that money can buy! :''[Next, Warren is seen being ushered into a cell at Stonegate, where his burly new cellmate gives him a menacing look]'' ===''Harlequinade'' [2.7]=== :'''Harley''': ''[in handcuffs]'' I sense a lack of trust. :'''Robin''': Are you sure you don't need help keeping Zippy under control? :''[Harley picks the lock on her cuffs while Batman speaks]'' :'''Batman''': I'm fine. Besides, I need you to be ready if Gordon's men get any leads. I'll signal if there's trouble. :'''Robin''': You got it. :'''Harley''': I wanna listen to the radio! ''[reaches for the controls]'' :'''Batman''': DON'T--! :''[Harley Quinn deploys a parachute, causing the Batmobile to swerve wildly. When the Batmobile stops, Batman is furious]'' :'''Harley''': ''[timidly]'' Oops... :'''Batman''': Listen, and listen good. You don't touch anything, say anything, or DO ANYTHING UNLESS I TELL YOU! GOT IT?! :'''Harley''': Yes, sir. :'''Batman''': ''[turns away, Harley begins making faces at him]'' So far, Joker hasn't been seen in any of his old hideouts. I want you to show me the last place he used when he escaped. ''[catches her making a face, which she replaces with a sheepish grin]'' :'''Harley''': Okay! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Instead of taking you, the cops, and the Batman down separately? I'm gonna blast you all at once! ''[takes out his phone and speaks into it]'' Send down the plane, boys! We're blowing town! Literally. ''[gets off the phone]'' :'''Mayor''': But all those innocent people... :'''Joker''': Some joke on them, eh? Think of it as the ultimate punchline! Ha ha ha ha ha! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': It's lucky you were here, Quinn. The countdown sequence didn't leave Joker enough time to swing by Arkham and pick you up. :'''Joker''': Quiet, brat. :'''Harley''': You ''were'' gonna come for me, weren't you, Puddin'? :'''Joker''': Of course, pumpkin-pie! It's just that... well, here you are, so I can, err, save myself the trip! :'''Harley''': But what about all our friends, Ivy and Two-Face and... Hat-Guy and Lizard-Man and Puppet-Head and-- ''[Joker shoves her into the plane]'' :'''Joker''': What about them? :'''Batman''': Don't forget your little pets! :'''Harley''': ''[gasps]'' The babies! We can't leave the babies! :'''Joker''': ''[shoves Harley into the plane again]'' I'll buy you a goldfish! Let's go! :'''Harley''': ''[struggling]'' NO! :'''Joker''': Why, you little...! :''[Harley kicks him in the face]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley''': ''[points the gun against Joker]'' Freeze, clown! :'''Batman''': Quinn, stop! :'''Harley''': He's mine, Bats! :'''Joker''': ''[grinning]'' You wouldn't dare. You don't have the guts! Not in a million years would you-- :''[Harley pulls the trigger - and a flag that reads "Rat-Tat-Tat" comes out of the barrel. The Joker stares at her for a moment, and throws his arms wide to embrace her]'' :'''Joker''': Baby, you're the greatest! ===''Time Out Of Joint'' [2.8]=== :'''Mayor Hill''': You! How did you get past-- :'''The Clock King''': Good evening, Mayor! Nice to see you again too. And whose life are you ruining now? A poor pensioner? A malnourished orphan, perhaps? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Hill''': Please, Fugate, don't hurt me! :'''The Clock King''': If it's any comfort, my revenge will encompass more than just you. I intend to pass a most timely sentence on the entire judicial system. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': It's a shame that you've decided to keep this device a secret. :'''Dr. Wataki''': It would seem that the world is not quite ready for it yet. :'''Robin''': Gee, that's too bad for Fugate. I'm sure he'll wish he had something to make the days pass quicker where he's going. ===''Catwalk'' [2.9]=== :'''Scarface''': Calm down, pussycat. We're all friends here. ''[to the Ventriloquist]'' Dummy, don't keep our pretty guest in the dark. :'''Ventriloquist''': Yes, sir, Mr. Scarface. ''[turns on the lot, revealing him and Scarface]'' :'''Scarface''': Ah, that's better. :'''Selina Kyle''': ''[gasps]'' You gotta be kidding! ''[laughs]'' :'''Scarface''': What's she laughin' at? My fly ain't open, is it?! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, sir. :'''Scarface''': So what's the gag? :'''Selina Kyle''': Oh come on, you know! ''[in a goofy voice]'' "What's the gag?" :'''Scarface''': ''[aims his gun at Selina]'' Can it, sister! This is Scarface you're dealing with, and I don't stand for no disrespect. :'''Ventriloquist''': I'd do as he says, ma'am. Mr. Scarface can be quite insistent. :'''Scarface''': I don't think anyone's talking to you! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, sir. No, sir. :'''Selina Kyle''': Right... so, what do you want with me? :'''Scarface''': My boys happened to be in the museum when they saw your little set-to with Miss Ronnie V. They also seen you licking your whiskers at the sight of Ronnie's pretty sparklers. :'''Selina Kyle''': You're boring me, log. :''[the Ventrloquist pulls out an envelope from his coat]'' :'''Scarface''': So what if I could provide you with a foolproof plan to snatchin' those rocks with no risk of you gettin' caught? :'''Selina Kyle''': Pass. Kitty's been staying it at night. It's not the greatest, but it beats the pound, if you know what I mean. :'''Scarface''': Now, that's a darn shame. And I thought for sure you'd want a chance to get even with the Vreelands. Not just for yourself, ya understand, but for all those poor little stuffed critters what never had the chance to fight back. :'''Selina Kyle''': Oh, barf. :'''Scarface''': It's a 50/50 cut. Take it or leave it? You in or what? :''[Selina thinks about it for a while then picks up the envelope]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': What a pleasant surprise. Though I should warn you - breaking and entering is against the law. :'''Batman''': You would know. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarface''': [[w:Tweety|I thawt I thaw a putty tat!]] <hr width="50%"/> :''[Catwoman crushes Scarface under some logs]'' :'''Catwoman''': That's one way to remove a splinter. What's wrong, Ventriloquist? Cat got your tongue? :'''Ventriloquist''': Please, I never hurt you! Scarface, he's another person, not me, really! :'''Catwoman''': But he's inside you somewhere. And I'm going to keep scratching until I find him. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': [[w:Just So Stories|I am the cat who walks by herself.]] ===''Bane'' [2.10]=== :'''Thorne''': You almost didn't get paid. You're lucky these diamonds didn't get nabbed in the smuggling bust. :'''[[w:Bane (comics)|Bane]]''': No, Mr. Thorne. You are the lucky one. ''[He punches the punching bag across the room]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': He wrecked my car, Alfred. Between two guys, that's ''real'' personal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bane''': Toys. You try to fight me with pathetic little TOYS. You've got nothing! Beg for mercy! SCREAM MY NAME! :'''Batman''': Never. :'''Bane''': You are beaten! Now I will break you! ===''Baby-Doll'' [2.11]=== :'''Robin''': ''[on "Love That Baby"]'' I remember this show from when I was a kid. It still stinks. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At Wayne Manor, Summer Gleeson is on the telephone talking to Marv Wolfman at her office.]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': I don't care what Mayor Hill says. The people have a right to know, and if he won't talk to us-- ''[Batman drops a photo of Baby-Doll onto her desk]'' I'll call you back, Marv. ''[to Batman and Robin]'' Since when are you interested in has-been actors? :'''Batman''': Since that one's been kidnapping her co-stars. :'''Summer Gleeson''': You're serious? :'''Robin''': She's been picking them off, one by one. Any reason she'd have a grudge? :'''Summer Gleeson''': Actually, ''they'' should hate ''her.'' Dahl put them all out of work when she quit the series to become a "dramatic" actress. :''[Summer plays a video of Mary Dahl playing Lady Macbeth]'' :'''Mary Dahl''': What, will these hands never be clean? Here's the smell of the blood still. All the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand. :'''Robin''': Pee-yew! :'''Summer Gleeson''': That's what the critics said. Baby's dramatic career flopped, and when she tried to start her TV show again, the networks turned her down. :'''Batman''': That still doesn't explain why she's after her old cast. :'''Robin''': ''[picks up a cassette]'' Maybe there's a clue in these old episodes. :'''Summer Gleeson''': You can borrow them if you want. And when you crack the case, you can pay me back with an exclusive... ''[turns to see that they have gone]'' interview. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': Naughty, naughty, Daddys! Mustn't yell at your Baby like thats. :'''Tod Baker''': You're not my daughter, and we're not a family! We're actors, remember?! You cancelled our show because you whined you weren't getting enough attention! :'''Baby-Doll''': ''[putting on a sad face]'' But I knows now I made a boo-boo! ''[sniffles and breaks character]'' It was hard for me out there. I studied and trained and auditioned, but no one wanted me. ''[plays the sound of a crowd going "Aww..." on her tape recorder]'' Over the years, I remembered how happy I was with all of you around me, and the folks at home watching me each week. Me, ''[goes back into her "cute" voice]'' Baby-Doll! ''[giggles]'' Now I'm Baby for good, and everyone will love me agains! Hugs, hugs! :''[Her goons force the actors to share a hug with her, and she plays the "Aww..." again]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': ''[watching episodes of Baby Doll's old TV show]'' Remember that time Poison Ivy nearly smothered us in those vines, with the ''really'' sharp thorns? :'''Batman''': Yes. :'''Robin''': This is worse. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': ''[after her TV brother is rendered unconscious by her bodyguard]'' Sorry I had to play roughs, Tippy. I didn't mean to. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': ''[Mariam kicks Robin around]'' Wow, lady! You're good! :'''Mariam''': It's a living... <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman pursues Baby-Doll in a funhouse tunnel maze]'' :'''Baby-Doll''': Silly Mr. Batman can't catch me! :'''Batman''': Don't run away! I know you're scared, confused - I can help you! :'''Baby-Doll''': Liar, liar, cape on fire! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': Game's over, Mr. Batman! ''[laughs]'' I WIN! ''[Batman fires his grappling gun, knocking the doll-gun down a slide]'' No fair! ''[runs to retrieve it, and stumbles into a room full of fun-house mirrors. Picks up the gun, wandering through the various distorted reflections, until she comes to one that shows her as an adult]'' Look! That's me in there. The ''real'' me! There I am... ''[touches the reflection, and her face changes]'' ...But it's not ''really'' real, is it? Just... made up and pretend, like my family and my life and everything else! ''[turns to face Batman, who stands behind her]'' '''''WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST LET ME MAKE-BELIEVE?!''''' ''[fires at mirrors, and cries after breaking the mirror with her adult reflection. Batman approaches her]'' I didn't ''mean'' to... ===''The Lion And The Unicorn'' [2.12]=== :''[Alfred breaks a chair over a thug's head.]'' :'''Robin''': And here all I thought you dusted was furniture. :'''Alfred''': A [[w:Louis XV|Louis Quinze]]; what a pity. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred Pennyworth''': ''[after being drugged with a truth serum]'' You'll get nothing but gibberish out of me, madam. I come from haunts of cootenfern and knicker sudden Sally. Uh... dee-dum dee-dum dee-dum dee-dum, and bicker down the valley. :'''Red Claw''': And people wonder why no one takes Britain seriously anymore. ===''Showdown'' [2.13]=== :'''Sheriff''': Well, well. Jonah Hex, his own bad self. Been here five minutes and you ain't killed nobody nor set nothin' on fire. Slippin', ain't you? :'''[[w:Jonah Hex|Jonah Hex]]''': I'm still a little bushed. :'''Sheriff''': Fact is, you look a little past it, Hex. Not tired, just all used up. :'''Hex''': Well, when I get pushed, I can still shoot a fly out from between its wings. Provided the light's right, of course... and it's a big ''plump'' fly. :''[The sheriff glances down at his own portly figure. Two other bargoers retreat outside, sensing trouble.]'' :'''Sheriff''': I ain't got nothin' on you, Hex... yet. Just remember, them wanted posters say "dead or alive". You might try "alive" this time. :'''Hex''': First time for everything. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duvall''': It would appear we have ourselves a government spy. A rather disreputable-looking one at that. Well, Mr. Spy, I'd say your plan has failed, and the railroad is doomed. :'''Hex''': I ain't no spy! I'm Jonah Hex, and I don't give a tinker's cuss about no railroad. I've come to get ''you'', Arkady Duvall, on account of what you done to that girl back east. :'''Duvall''': ''[chuckles]'' You mean to say, you've tracked me across ''twelve states'' because of that? :'''Hex''': Well, there's also the matter of a 200 dollar reward. That part don't hurt my feelings none. :'''Duvall''': You're either a liar or a fool. :'''Hex''': I've been known to be foolish, but ain't ''nobody'' calls me a liar and goes to bed happy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hex''': Now! Let's you and me dance. :'''Duvall''': You cannot defeat me. I am a Heidelberg fencing champion. :'''Hex''': My heart's all a-flutter. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duvall''': Five thousand in gold, take it. Leave me be. :'''Hex''': It ain't about money, boy. It's about justice. And I aim to serve you some. :'''Duvall''': Let me live, please! :'''Hex''': I will. Only because it's too much trouble to haul your stinkin' carcass back east. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You left Duvall to his fate a century ago. Why come back for him now? :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Did you really think, detective, that in my six hundred years of life, I would have sired only ''one'' offspring? Even before the Phoenix debacle, I had come to realize that Arkady was too unbalanced and cruel to wisely rule my empire. :'''Batman''': But you couldn't forget about him. :'''Ra's al Ghul''': What father can ever forget his son? Come now, detective, I've still a few good years left. We will cross swords another day. But for now, let me take my boy home. ===''Riddler's Reform'' [2.14]=== :''[After learning about the theft of historical antiquities on TV]'' :'''Riddler''': ''[in Bruce's memory]'' Those are things of the past, Batman. Ancient history that's gone now. I'm a new man! But you probably won't figure that out before it's too late! ''[laughs]'' :'''Bruce''': ''He'' did it. :'''Dick''': Who? :'''Bruce''': The Riddler. Remember what he said: "Things of the past." "Ancient history that's gone now." Look! :'''Dick''': Gee, I don't know. His riddles aren't usually that subtle. Besides, he's got a multimillion dollar deal with that toy company. Why would he throw it away over some stupid riddle crime? :'''Bruce''': Because that's the way his warped mind works. He's obsessed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': He's right, you know. :'''Manny''': Who? :'''Riddler''': Batman. He ''is'' going to catch me, sooner or later. :'''Manny''': Gee, boss, you're scaring me. You're talking kinda crazy. :'''Riddler''': DON'T YOU ''EVER'' CALL ME THAT! I fooled the police, the doctors, the Parole Board - all of them! There's only one person who's ever been able to challenge me: ''BATMAN!'' He's the only one worthy of the game! :'''Manny''': But you said sooner or later he's gonna catch you. What are you gonna do? :'''Riddler''': I'm never going back to Arkham! So I guess there's only one thing to do! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': Hello, Batman. This is it: the end of the game. I'm a little sad actually. You were a worthy opponent. But then, I told you I'd make a ''killing'' at the Toy Fair! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': ''[ranting in a cell in Arkham]'' It's IMPOSSIBLE, I tell you! Impossible! My trap was perfect! How did he do it?! I have to know! SOMEBODY TELL ME! IT'S NOT FAIR! THERE WAS NO WAY, I TELL YOU! NO WAY HE COULD HAVE GOTTEN OUT! SOMEBODY TELL ME! DO YOU HEAR ME?! SOMEBODY TELL ME HOW HE DID IT! I HAVE TO KNOW! '''''I HAVE TO KNOOOOOOOOOW!!!''''' ===''Second Chance'' [2.15]=== :'''Penguin''': And what might ''you'' be doing out there? Catching insects for dinner? :'''Batman''': I'm looking for Two-Face. :'''Penguin''': What, did you lose him? ''[chuckles]'' :'''Batman''': Somebody kidnapped him from Gotham Central tonight. You and he had a disagreement sometime ago, didn't you? :'''Penguin''': It's true. Harvey stole a rare ''avis'' right out from under my beak several months ago. A jewel-encrusted statuette of a two-headed [[w:roc (mythology)|roc]]. It was worth millions. But, my dear rodent, I'd never kidnap a fellow rogue out of his sickbed. It just isn't done. :'''Batman''': Honour among thieves? :'''Penguin''': Absolutely. If I were going to attack Harvey, I'd do it face to face... to face, heh, so to speak. Like THIS! ''[laughs and unleashes his birds on Batman]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You may as well come out. I know everything now. :''[A man emerges, his identity obscured by shadows]'' :'''Batman''': You hated Harvey Dent, and would do anything to destroy him. :''[Lightning flashes, revealing the man to be Two-Face himself]'' :'''Two-Face''': Why not? He was going to destroy me. Just like I'm going to destroy you! ''[attacks him]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Harvey, pull yourself up! :'''Harvey''': I can't! I'll drop the coin! :'''Batman''': Drop it! Save yourself! :'''Harvey''': I... I don't know what to do. The coin won't tell me! :'''Batman''': It can't tell you anything! I switched coins when you grabbed me! :'''Robin''': ''[swings and kicks the thugs out of Batman's way]'' Good thing I decided to tag along after all. :'''Batman''': It's a trick coin! It'll always land on edge! It's ''your'' decision now, Harvey! Life or death? The coin or me? :''[Robin threw the batarang to hit the elevator button to send the thug in an elevator, thunderstruck and Harvey/Two-Face decided to drops the coin]'' :'''Harvey''': Batman, help me. :''[Batman tries to give Harvey a hand, but Two-Face suddenly regains control]'' :'''Two-Face''': Never! ''[punches Batman and falls]'' :'''Batman''': ''HARVEY!!!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harvey''': ''[seen in half-shadow, making him appear to once again be Harvey Dent instead of Two-Face]'' Bruce? Good old Bruce. Always there. You never give up on me. :''[Bruce Wayne smiles and pats Harvey's shoulder before he is escorted away]'' :'''Dick''': He's right. You're always there for him. :'''Bruce''': Yes, just like you're always there for me. :'''Dick''': Hey, what are friends for? ===''Harley's Holiday'' [2.16]=== :'''Scarecrow''': I am the Master of Fear! The Lord of Despair! Cower before me in witless terror! :'''Harley''': Hi, Professor Crane! :'''Scarecrow''': ''[Smiling fondly]'' Good evening, child. ''[To Batman and Robin, furiously]'' Worship me, you fools! Worship me! Scream hosannas of anguish to Scarecrow, the all-terrible God of Fear! ''[Guards take him away]'' :'''Robin''': I think he's getting better. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley''': I'm having a BAD DAY! I'm sick of people trying to shoot me, run me over and blow me up! I didn't even get to keep my new dress - I ACTUALLY PAID FOR IT! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman and Robin take Harley back to Arkham]'' :'''Harley''': ''[sadly]'' [[w:To market, to market|Home again, home again, diggity dig...]] :'''Dr. Joan Leland''': Not for too long, though. Ms. Vreeland dropped the kidnapping charges. With a little more hard work, you should be ready to re-enter society for good. :'''Harley''': Yay... ''[to Batman]'' There's one thing I've gotta know. Why'd you stay with me all day, risking your butt for someone who's never given you anything but trouble? :'''Batman''': I know what it's like to try and rebuild a life. ''[takes her dress out of a bag]'' I had a bad day too, once. :'''Harley''': ''[takes the dress, smiling]'' Nice guys like you shouldn't have bad days. ===''Lock-Up'' [2.17]=== :'''Scarecrow''': Don't take me back there, please! Look at me, Batman! I'm shaking with fear! Me! The Scarecrow! I wasn't even going back to crime this time! I just had to get away from... HIM! :'''[[w:Lock-Up (comics)|Lyle Bolton]]''': I'll take it from here, Batman. Lyle Bolton, Chief of security. Congratulations, Professor Crane. You're the first inmate to escape Arkham under my charge. ''[He grabs Crane by the collar; Crane whimpers]'' You're also the last. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bartholomew''': Miss Quinn? Do you have any complaints against Mr. Bolton? :''[Lyle Bolton sneers threateningly at Harley Quinn]'': :'''Harley Quinn''': I got nothing to say. :'''Bartholomew''': But surely you must have something you wish to- :'''Harley Quinn''': You got a hearing problem or something?! NO! NADA! IXNAY! ZERO! ZILCH! BUPKES! NOTHING! OKAY?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': He threatens us! Takes away our privileges, even when we're good! :'''[[w:Lock-Up (comics)|Lyle Bolton]]''': We've heard enough of this nonsense. :'''Jonathon Crane''': He says scum like us must be kept in line! That's why he chains us down at night and electrifies our doors! :'''Scarface''': He held me over a can filled with a termites! Ya hear me?! ''TERMITES!'' :'''Harley Quinn''': He's an animal! :'''Ventriloquist''': A monster! :'''Jonathon Crane''': Keep him away! :'''Lyle Bolton''': '''SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU!''' :''[The guards retrain Lyle Bolton, he kicks the table, resists the guards and attack and them; he threatens to kill the inmates, and Bruce Wayne trips him with the chair]'' :'''Lyle Bolton''': You're all scum! You should be beaten within an inch of your misbegotten lives! :'''Bartholomew''': I've seen enough! ''[pounds the gravel]'' Lyle Bolton, you're dismissed! :'''Lyle Bolton''': Before I came here, Arkham was a revolving door for every maniac in Gotham. ''I'' kept them in! '''ME!''' Now I realize I was wrong to punish those pathetic miscreants! '''THEY'RE ONLY SYMPTOMS! ''YOU'RE'' THE CAUSE! THE GUTLESS POLICE, MINDLESS BUREAUCRATS, AND CODDLING DOCTORS! YOU SHOULD ALL BE LOCKED UP IN A CAGE WITHOUT A KEY!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lock Up''': I could have rid Gotham of the fools in city hall and the police department! We could have made our own order! :'''Batman''': I was born to fight your brand of order! :'''Lock Up''': If that's your decision...! ===''Make 'Em Laugh'' [2.18]=== :'''Dispatcher''': Disturbance reported at the top of the Crown restaurant. Suspect is a male costumed extremist armed with what appears to be a... ketchup gun. :'''Batman''': It's going to be one of those nights. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Condiment King''': So long, suckers! Parting is such "sweet-and-sour" sorrow. ''[Batman yanks away his loot bag]'' What's this? Ah! The big bad Bat-guy. I knew you'd "ketchup" to me sooner or later. How I've "relished" this meeting. You, the dynamic Dark Knight, versus me, the conceptual Condiment King! Come, Batman. Let's see if you can "cut the mustard". :'''Batman''': Quiet! ''[punches the King in the stomach]'' :'''Condiment King''': ''[slumps to ground, gasping]'' You hit me! :'''Batman''': Now listen, Mustard Man, or whatever you call yourself. You're obviously new at this, so I'm willing to go easy on you, provided you give back the loot and never even think about doing this again. Deal? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Buddy's agent''': I don't get it. Buddy's just thrown his entire career away. The network's cancelling his show and the restaurant's suing him for a million dollars. Why did he do it? It just doesn't make sense. ===''Deep Freeze'' [2.19]=== :'''Batman''': Men like Walker are obsessed with getting their own way. And they don't let little things like the ''law'' stop them. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grant Walker''': Do you realize that in your half-frozen state, you will age more slowly than an ordinary human? You're practically immortal, my friend! :'''Mr. Freeze''': Yes, eternal life trapped in this wretched shell! What a miserable joke. :'''Grant Walker''': Miserable to you, but a godsend to me. Look at me, Mr. Freeze, I'm an old man. I've created wonders in my lifetime, but there is still so much to do! I want to change as you have. To become, like you, a being of blessed, eternal cold. :'''Mr. Freeze''': You're insane. :'''Grant Walker''': Only you know how to duplicate the accident that made you what you are. What I long to become! :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[grabs him]'' You want to live like this? Abandoned and alone? A prisoner in a world you can see but never touch? ''[drops him and turns away]'' Old and infirm as you are, I'd trade a thousand of my frozen years for your worst day. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grant Walker''': Every time I open a park, I get gatecrashers. :'''Batman''': We've seen your insane vision of the future, Walker. :'''Grant Walker''': My world will have no crime, violence or pain. :'''Robin''': You can add free will to that list too! :'''Grant Walker''': A small price to pay for order. :'''Batman''': ''Your'' order! For your select few! :'''Grant Walker''': Excuse me, but I fail to see the problem with that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You can't let Walker do this. Billions of people will perish! :'''Mr. Freeze''': That's not my concern. All that matters is I once again have my wife, and the means to restore her. :'''Batman''': She'll wake up in a dead, frozen world that ''you'' helped destroy. She'll ''hate'' you for that! :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''Silence.'' :'''Batman''': You think you're alone now? Wait until she learns the truth. :'''Mr. Freeze''': '''I SAID ''SILENCE!''''' ''[blasts at Batman and Robin, knocking them backward, then turns back to Nora with a saddened face]'' Forgive me... ''[frees Batman and Robin]'' Come, there is much to do. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Dick recovers from hypothermia]'' :'''Dick''': Man, if I spent any more time in that immersion tank, I'd be growing gills. :'''Bruce''': I'm just glad I was able to get you back here in time. :'''Dick''': Thanks. For a while I thought I'd end up like Walker, trapped in a ice cube forever. What about Mr. Freeze? Do you think he's gone for good? :'''Bruce''': I'm not sure. But if Freeze's condition has made him truly immortal... we may not have seen the last of him. ===''Batgirl Returns'' [2.20]=== :'''Catwoman''': Bats are just mice with wings, little girl. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Batgirl|Batgirl]]''': So, what are you going to do? Leave us over one of these vats with acid burning through the rope? :'''Daggett''': ''[Laughs]'' If there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's that you crime-fighting types are very resourceful. So, I'll just have my men shoot you and throw your bodies in the vats. == About ''{{PAGENAME}}'' == *'''PD''': If I had to differentiate between [Batman and Superman], I'd say Superman is sort of about hope. You've got this guy who's an alien and not truly human, but he personifies all the best qualities of humanity. He's sort of an example of what it would be nice to be like. We would all like to be like Superman. We would all like to have power, compassion, the ability to settle problems in a good way, and maybe [be able to] wink to ourselves about how nobody else besides us knows we really have this secret power and we keep it ourselves. There's not a lot of angst with Superman. If there is, it's more like, "I wish I could tell Lois who I really was." Batman is how you'd like to be if you [could] break someone's neck: "I'm pissed off, and I want to go out and do something about it." Superman waits for trouble to happen, and then he goes off and stops the problem. Batman's looking for trouble; he doesn't really start it, but he's out there looking. And if he sees something going on, he just jumps into the middle of it. :'''JA''': Batman's sort of a sociopath too. :'''PD''': He's absolutely a sociopath. He's a sociopath with a lot of money, and he's got a sense of right and wrong. I don't think he's totally bereft of some sort of compassion or feeling for some of the villains. He doesn't go after somebody like Mr. Freeze without a small bit of compassion for the man, or maybe someone like the Mad Hatter, or even Harley, whom he thinks is certainly a pain in the ass, but I think he kind of wishes she'd get her act together and wise up at some point. <br> But with darker characters like the Scarecrow and the Joker, he's basically out to make sure they never get out again - whatever it takes to take them down. Somebody like the Joker is probably the least human of all of Batman's Rogues Gallery. That was why I never wanted to do a story that humanizes the Joker, like we did with the Mad Hatter or Mr. Freeze, because I just don't think the character lends itself to that. He's almost supernatural in a way; he's somebody who's just thoroughly insane, who does what he wants to do, and who has a grudge against Batman. He probably likes horrifying people with his clownish appearance as much as Batman terrorizes criminals with his nightmare-like appearance. The Joker is pretty inhuman. I'd say the same thing about the Scarecrow. He is someone who really gets turned on by scaring people. He's like the anti-Batman. He's a weak, very unimposing man until he puts on the Scarecrow costume, and then goes out and gasses people with fear gas, and he watches them squirm. There's probably a big turn-on seeing people helpless in front of him screaming in fear. *'''PD''': When [[w:Tim Burton|Tim Burton]]'s ''[[Batman (1989 film)|Batman]]'' came out, that was the way to go. Now [[w:Joel Schumacher|Joel Schumacher]]'s [[Batman Forever|Batman]] is out there, and people are flocking to the movies, so they"re saying, "Can you lighten up the show a little bit? Can you have more fun with it?" So that's what we were charged with doing, and that's what we've done: to lighten up the color palette a little bit, so that every character's not just in dark colors. Robin, for instance, is now black, red, and gold, instead of green. Nightwing is black and a light, almost iridescent, blue. We've also given it a little more of a kid-friendly look. :* [[w:Paul Dini|Paul Dini]], [http://animationarena.com/batman_the_animated_series.html "Batman: The Animated Series"], ''Animation Arena''. * The thing with the Batman show—even though it's one of the most beautiful and well-written shows, and it really gets into Batman—is that it doesn't really move that fast. The fight scenes aren't that intense, and it doesn't really go actiony. There's a lot of walking and talking in it. It looks great, but it needs that kick of having action. And I think that's another thing that kids are picking up on: For the first time, you're actually seeing superheroes really fight bad guys. In a lot of the cartoons when I was growing up, like [[w:Super Friends|Super Friends]], there was no fighting of bad guys. They would just get sent off to jail. It was wacky, it was silly, it wasn't intense, and there wasn't real fighting and stuff in it. ** [[w:Craig McCracken|Craig McCracken]] [http://www.avclub.com/article/the-powerpuff-girls-13665 "The Powerpuff Girls"], Keith Phipps, ''A.V.Club'', Jun 21, 2000. == Cast == * [[Kevin Conroy]] - [[w:Batman|Bruce Wayne/Batman]] * [[w:Loren Lester|Loren Lester]] - [[w:Dick Grayson|Dick Grayson/Robin]] * [[w:Melissa Gilbert|Melissa Gilbert]] - [[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara Gordon/Batgirl]] * [[w:Clive Revill|Clive Revill]]/[[w:Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.|Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.]] - [[w:Alfred Pennyworth|Alfred Pennyworth]] * [[w:Bob Hastings|Bob Hastings]] - [[w:James Gordon (comics)|Commissioner James Gordon]] * [[w:Robert Costanzo|Robert Costanzo]] - [[w:Harvey Bullock (comics)|Detective Harvey Bullock]] * [[w:Ingrid Oliu|Ingrid Oliu]]/Liane Schirmer - [[w:Renee Montoya|Officer Renee Montoya]] * [[Mark Hamill]] - [[w:The Joker (comics)|The Joker]] * [[w:Arleen Sorkin|Arleen Sorkin]] - [[w:Harley Quinn|Dr. Harleen Quinzel/Harley Quinn]] * [[Paul Williams (songwriter)|Paul Williams]] - [[w:Penguin (comics)|Oswald Cobblepot/The Penguin]] * [[Adrienne Barbeau]] - [[w:Catwoman|Selina Kyle/Catwoman]] * [[w:John Glover (actor)|John Glover]] - [[w:Riddler|Edward Nygma/The Riddler]] * [[w:Richard Moll|Richard Moll]] - [[w:Two-Face (comics)|Harvey Dent/Two-Face]] * [[w:George Dzundza|George Dzundza]] - [[w:The Ventriloquist (comics)|Arnold Wesker/The Ventriloquist/Scarface]] * [[w:Henry Silva|Henry Silva]] - [[w:Bane (comics)|Bane]] * [[w:Aron Kincaid|Aron Kincaid]] - [[w:Killer Croc|Killer Croc]] * [[w:Marc Singer|Marc Singer]] - [[w:Man-Bat|Dr. Kirk Langstrom/Man-Bat]] * [[w:Ron Perlman|Ron Perlman]] - [[w:Clayface|Matt Hagen/Clayface]] * [[w:Diane Pershing|Diane Pershing]] - [[w:Poison Ivy (comics)|Dr. Pamela Isley/Poison Ivy]] * [[w:Henry Polic II|Henry Polic II]] - [[w:Scarecrow (DC comics)|Dr. Jonathan Crane/The Scarecrow]] * [[w:Roddy McDowall|Roddy McDowall]] - [[w:Mad Hatter|Dr. Jervis Tetch/The Mad Hatter]] * [[w:Michael Ansara|Michael Ansara]] - [[w:Mr. Freeze|Dr. Victor Freeze/Mr. Freeze]] * [[David Warner (actor)|David Warner]] - [[w:Ra's al Ghul|Ra's al Ghul]] ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} {{Batman}} [[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated superhero TV shows]] [[Category:Animated Batman TV shows]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Animated television programs based on Detective Comics]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Fox Broadcasting Company animated television series]] [[Category:Television series by Warner Bros. Animation]] dwbzxn8e4lvstk6x3946ksb6a64vz2w 3778927 3778924 2025-07-14T23:00:05Z 2A00:23C7:8583:8901:5157:8FC5:8DBF:8C56 /* Feat Of Clay Part 2 [1.21] */ 3778927 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Batman-_The_Animated_Series_logo.svg|thumb|I am [[vengeance]]. I am the [[night]]. I am, '''[[Batman|BATMAN]]'''!]] {{italic title}} '''''[[W:Batman: The Animated Series|Batman: The Animated Series]]''''' is an American animated superhero television series based on the [[DC Comics]] superhero Batman. It was succeeded by ''[[The Adventures of Batman & Robin]]'' and ''[[The New Batman Adventures]]''; the first production in the [[w:DC Animated Universe|DC Animated Universe]]. ==Season 1== ===''On Leather Wings'' [1.1]=== :'''Batman''': ''[reading the paper]'' "Gotham Police Declare War on Batman"? :'''Alfred''': I gather you've been reading ''[[w:How to Win Friends and Influence People|How to Make Friends and Influence People]]''? :'''Batman''': Somebody's setting me up. :'''Alfred''': My heavens. You mean it ''wasn't'' you tossing guards out of windows last night? :'''Batman''': ''[amused]'' I only toss butlers, Alfred. <hr width='50%'/> :'''[[w:Rene Auberjonois|Dr. March]]''': You donate a few million, and you think you own the place. I understand I'm to analyse something for you? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Yeah, doc. See, I keep hearing squeaks in my chimney, and I found these in my empty fireplace. They look like hairs. I thought maybe you could tell me if I have a bat problem. :'''Dr. March''': And what if they are bats, Mr. Wayne? What then? Destroy them like insects? We won't survive the next evolutionary cataclysm, but bats will! They're survivors, Mr. Wayne, not pests! You should understand that! <hr width='50%'/> :'''Dr. Kirk Langstrom''': ''[enters laboratory upon hearing noises]'' Who's back there? ''[spots Batman]'' You...! :'''Batman''': I'm looking for Dr. March. :'''Langstrom''' He's not here, Batman. :'''Batman''': Where is he? :'''Langstrom''': Giving a lecture on human extinction and bat evolution. He's really quite brilliant. :'''Batman''': He's misguided, and a thief. ''[holds up a vial of the serum]'' :'''Langstrom''': He's just a theorist, he was afraid to put it to the test. But I wasn't. I knew he'd discovered a formula to create a totally new species, neither man nor bat. And once I started taking it, I couldn't stop. I desperately wanted to, but... ''it'' took over. Francine and March tried to protect me, but it was too late. The beast knew what chemicals were needed to bring itself about! It was out of my control! And it only needs one more component to complete the process! ''[voice lowering]'' It's in ''ME'', Batman! ''[laughs maniacally and begins to change into Man-Bat]'' <hr width='50%'/> :'''Bullock''': Let's go! :'''Lieutenant''': I can’t do it, sir! :'''Bullock''': Whaddaya mean "you can’t do it"?! :'''Lieutenant''': I just got word not to let you up without the Commissioner! :'''Bullock''': Who told you that?! :'''Lieutenant''': The Commissioner! ''[points at Gordon as he arrives]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Get out, Detective! The Mayor may not let me fire you, but I am ''not'' taking the heat for your fiasco! :'''Bullock''': This is my case, Commissioner! You heard the Mayor! :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Then why don't you go take it up with him?! I've got a job to do! If you wanna tag along, fine! ''[gets into the helicopter]'' Take her up, Lieutenant! :'''Bullock''': ''[trying to clamber in as it takes off]'' Hey! Wait for me! ===''Christmas With The Joker'' [1.2]=== :''[the Arkham Asylum inmates practice signing Jingle Bells as other inmates set up a giant Christmas tree]'' :'''Joker''': Jingle bells! Batman smells! Robin laid an egg! ''[gets a tree-topper and climbs to install it]'' The Batmobile lost a wheel and the Jo-ker got a-wa-a-a-ay! ''[attaches the ornament and the Christmas Tree ignites, revealed as a rocket. Joker clambers at it launches]'' Crashing through the roof! In a one-horse-open tree! Busting out I go! Laughing all the WHEEEEE! ''[the "rocket-tree" flies off into the distance as he sings]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the Christmas with the Joker show]'' :'''Joker''': Rumor has it, Christmas is a time to share with family. :'''Laugh track''': Yea! :'''Joker''': And since I don't have one of my own... :'''Laugh track''': Aww... :'''Joker''': I decided to STEAL one! :'''Laugh track''': Yea! :'''Joker''': And here they are: The Awful Lawful Family! ''[lights turn on and reveal Gordon, Summer, and Bullock tied up and gagged]'' Aren't they just the cutest family you've ever seen? :'''Batman''': ''[watching in the Batmobile]'' It's never easy with the Joker. :'''Joker''': Meet Daddy Lawful! ''[ungags Gordon]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': YOU DISEASED MANIAC! I'LL- ''[Joker gags him again]'' :'''Joker''': Hmm. Looks like I'll have to teach Daddy some manners. And here's Mommy Lawful! ''[ungags Summer]'' :'''Summer Gleason''': HELP! SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP US- ''[Joker gags her again]'' :'''Joker''': Ho ho ho, isn't she jolly? And here we have little Baby Lawful! Coochie coochie coo! ''[ungags Bullock]'' :'''Detective Bullock''': WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, I'LL RIP YOUR- ''[Joker gags him again]'' :'''Joker''': I'll bet Batman wishes he had a family just like mine. Personally I think relatives are a bore, so Batman can have them... ''[points to clock showing 10:30PM] if'' he can find them by midnight! Otherwise... ''[makes a throat-slashing motion and laughs]'' ===''Nothing To Fear'' [1.3]=== :''[Bruce is introduced to Dr. Long and he offers a handshake]'' :'''Dr. Long''': ''[looks at hand and pouts off]'' Your father and I attended university together. He had big plans for you. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Well, I guess he'd be pleased. Wayne Industries is more prosperous than ever. :'''Dr. Long''': Pleased? When your father was alive, Wayne was a name that commanded great respect. Now all Wayne stands for is a self-centered jet-setting playboy. It's lucky your father didn't live to see what you've done to his good name. He'd have died of shame. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Scarecrow sprays a security guard with gas]'' :'''Guard''': Stop! What the-- No! No, spiders! Get them offa me! No! NO! ''[cowers in fear]'' :'''Anthony''': What did you do to him, boss? :'''[[w:Scarecrow (DC Comics)|Scarecrow]]''': I merely helped him visualize his innermost terror, which is obviously [[w:arachnophobia|arachnophobia]]. :'''Nigel''': A-whack-a-what? :'''Scarecrow''': Arachnophobia! Fear of spiders, you dimwitted dropout! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': It seems I have underestimated the Batman, but at least the University is finished. :'''Anthony''': Gee, boss, I never liked school, but, uh, how come you hate the university so much? :'''Scarecrow''': They tried to destroy me. :'''Nigel''': You mean they kicked you out 'cause you weren't smart enough? :'''Scarecrow''': No, you simpleton! ''[pinches Nigel's broken nose]'' :'''Nigel''': Ow! :'''Scarecrow''': I taught there. I was a professor of psychology, specializing in phobias. Inducing terror has always intrigued me. Even as a boy, I loved to frighten things. People, animals, it was all the same. I became obsessed with fear's crippling power. Later, when I became their leading Professor of Subliminal Psychology at the University, I began performing experiments on fear and its subsequent effects. Dr. Long thought I went too far - he called me a lunatic. So now, they will learn the true nature of horror! :'''Anthony''': ''[to Nigel]'' Wow, he's a real professor. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman has been exposed to Scarecrow's fear toxin]'' :'''Thomas Wayne''': Bruce... :'''Batman''': No... not now... :'''Thomas Wayne''': You are a disgrace! ''[turns into the [[w:Grim Reaper|Grim Reaper]]]'' :'''Batman''': No... You are NOT my father. I am NOT a disgrace! I am vengeance, I am the night. I...AM...'''BATMAN!''' ===''The Last Laugh'' [1.4]=== :'''Summer Gleeson''': I'm here in Downtown Gotham where corporate CEOs have gone stark, raving mad. It would appear that the collapse of the stock market is now imminent. The question is: Will [[April Fools' Day]] mark the end of Gotham City as we know it? :'''Joker''': The only things gaining now are the laughing stocks! ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[After trapping Batman in a sealed garbage can]'' :'''Joker''': I just love these new Ziploc seals! We wouldn't want our little caged rodent to suffocate, so we'll just ''[draws a knife]'' PUNCH SOME AIRHOLES! ''[laughing, he stabs holes in the can, with Batman being forced to dodge each one]'' Okay, Captain! Give 'er the old heave-ho! ''[Captain Clown salutes and throws the can into the river, where it starts to flood and sink]'' Oops! Looks like our airholes are waterholes too! ''[smirking at the viewer]'' What a shame! ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Justice is served hot, Batman! You're going to melt just like a grilled-cheese sandwich! :''[The Joker tries to send Batman falling into the furnace with a cascade of garbage, but Batman escapes and swings to safety on his grappling hook]'' :'''Batman''': Justice ''will'' be served, Joker. :'''Joker''': Service with a SMILE?! ''[tosses a razor card at Batman, who dodges it just in time]'' :'''Batman''': Clean up your act, Joker. :'''Joker''': Oh, that's a joke, right? Batman finally told a joke! ''[laughing, the Joker draws another card and flings it, but Batman catches it with a smirk. With a gasp of shock, the Joker tries to flee, but gets his food caught on a cable and he ends up dangling over the furnace]'' BATMAN! YOU WOULDN'T LET ME FRY, WOULD YOU?! ''[Batman leans on the railing, pretending to consider it] '''BATMAN!''' [Batman pulls him up]'' ===''Pretty Poison'' [1.5]=== :'''Dent''': So, what do you think? :'''Bruce''': Does she have a sister? :'''Dent''': Nope. Pam's one of a kind. That's why I asked her to marry me. :'''Bruce''': ''[spits out his water upon hearing this]'' WHAT?! :'''Dent''': Yup, that's the page one headline. Hey... is it starting to get warm? :'''Bruce''': You're still flushed from that last kiss. Harvey, you just met her last week! :'''Dent''': And I already know she's the one. Gosh, it's hot in here... :'''Bruce''': Marriage is a major step, Harvs. Don't you think you're rushing it? :'''Dent''': No way. The moment I laid eyes on Pam, her love hit me right in the face. ''[falls right into the food he ordered]'' :'''Bruce''': ''[laughs]'' Harvey, you've lost your mind. Knock it off. ''[sees him unresponsive]'' Harv? Harvey! ''[Later sees Harvey carried into an ambulance and climbs inside]'' Hang on, Harvey. Hang on. <hr width=50%"/> :'''Bullock''': So what'd you put in this mousse?! :'''Chef''': Chocolate, sugar, eggs, cream... :'''Bullock''': STRYCHNINE?! :'''Chef''': No, no, no strychnine. But I added just a pinch of vanilla. :'''Bullock''': ''[turns to a waiter, frustrated]'' You know who did it?! TALK! :'''Waiter''': Hey, I just clean the dishes, okay? <hr width=50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[chuckles]'' Batman! A late night rendezvous? To what do I owe the honor? :'''Batman''': ''[struggling against Ivy's giant flytrap]'' Harvey Dent! :'''Poison Ivy''': Oh, the poor district attorney. I hear he's not expected to live. Oh, it's so sad... ''[feigns crying, which quickly turns to insane laughter]'' :'''Batman''': Why, Isley? :'''Poison Ivy''': Oh, please, call me Poison Ivy. You see, Harvey had to pay for his crime. :'''Batman''': What crime? :'''Poison Ivy''': Why, murder, of course! Plowing up a field of beautiful wildflowers for that silly penitentiary of his. This little rose would be extinct today if I hadn't saved my precious from those horrible bulldozers! The blood of those flowers are on his hands! ''[calms down after her tantrum]'' So his fate was sealed ''[applies lipstick]'' ...with a kiss. And now, so is yours. ''[Ivy's plant holds Batman still as she kisses him; he tries to spit away the poison]'' Oh, what's wrong? Afraid I have cooties? ''[laughs]'' Oh, now you've gone and hurt my feelings. Too bad. I was going to share the antidote with you. ''[opens a bottle and waves it under his nose]'' Lovely fragrance, don't you think? ''[applies a drop to her face]'' I call it "Rose From the Dead". <hr width=50%"/> :''[In a cell in Arkham]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': They can bury me in the ground, as deep as they like. But I'll grow back. ''[to her rose]'' We ''always'' grow back. Don't we, baby? ===''The Underdwellers'' [1.6]=== :'''Sewer King''': Lesson number one is: NOOOOO TAAAALKING! Children are to be seen and not heard. We are the Underdwellers. We are the silent ones. We follow the invisible creed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sewer King''': Frog! The rolls, if you please. :''[Another boy nervously steps over with them; the Sewer King grabs his wrist angrily]'' :'''Sewer King''': You're not Frog! Where is he?! He's not here! ''[smacks the bowl of rolls away]'' NOT HERE! And after all I've done for you ungrateful little monsters! I took you in when nobody else would have you! It is I who care for you! I who provide for you! And only I WHO KNOWS WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU! Would you rather I sent you back into the light? Back to those who hurt you, and sent you away? :''[The children tearfully shake their heads; the Sewer King pushes the dinner table over with a loud crash]'' :'''Sewer King''': THERE WILL BE NOTHING TO EAT UNTIL FROG IS FOUND! NOW OUT WITH YOU! ''OUT WITH YOU!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I don't know what kind of barbarian did this to you, but it's over. And from now on, you'll be treated like human beings. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sewer King''': ''[clapping]'' Bravo. Bravo. You've caused me great distress, you evil bat, yes, yes, yes, you have! You've hurt my pretty pets, and you've frightened my beloved children! :'''Batman''': ''[incredulous and disgusted]'' "Beloved children"?! :'''Sewer King''': Yes! I feed them, I clothe them, I discipline them, and I teach them a trade! And now, I will teach ''you'' something! :''[He stamps on Batman's hands, but Batman swings under the pipe and kicks him from behind, causing him to fall off]'' :'''Batman''': Grab my hand! :'''Sewer King''': ''NEVER!'' :''[He falls into the water, where the alligators close in and seemingly devour him]'' :'''Batman''': A gruesome fate for a gruesome man. :''[He hears the Sewer King laughing, and sees him with the alligators, unharmed]'' :'''Sewer King''': I rather enjoyed it! I told you, they're my pretties! ''[pets one, laughing]'' Have a nice swim! :''[Batman swings over to chase him, narrowly missing the alligators' jaws]'' :'''Batman''': Later. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman pulls the Sewer King out of the way of an oncoming train]'' :'''Sewer King''': Why? Why?! ''Why?!'' :'''Batman''': ''[seething with anger]'' I don't pass sentence. That's for the courts. But this time - ''this time'' - I am ''sorely tempted'' to do the job myself! ===''P.O.V.'' [1.7]=== :''[after Batman grapples up a crane with Officer Montoya to safety]'' :'''Batman''': Are you alright? :''[Machine gun bullets hit around Batman and Officer Montoya, causing both of them to duck]'' :'''Officer Montoya''': Dandy. :'''Batman''': Then don't go away. :'''Officer Montoya''': ''[Batman leaves as more machine gun bullets hit. Montoya stays down]'' Count on it. <hr width="50%"/> :''[after Commissioner Gordon congratulates Officer Montoya for foiling the dock heist with Batman's aid]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': I have to hand it to you, Montoya. You and the Batman really turned this thing around. :'''Patrolman Wilkes''': Yeah, what a [[wikt:collar|collar]]! You didn't just bust 'em, you put the whole gang out of commission. ''[Lieutenant Hackle appears to accuse Montoya]'' :'''Lieutenant Hackle''': What collar? She's suspended! ''[Gordon angrily grabs Heckle]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': This [[wikt:farce|farce]] has gone far enough, Hackle! We apprehended the suspects and recovered our money. The investigation is closed! ''[He grabs three confiscated police badges out of Hackle's suit pocket and shoves him aside. He hands the badges to Officer Montoya]'' Officer Montoya earned this collar. :'''Officer Montoya''': The collar belongs to all three of us, Commissioner. It was a team effort. ''[Montoya accepts hers and hands Wilkes back his badge]'' :'''Patrolman Wilkes''': Gee... thanks, partner! :'''Detective Bullock''': ''[grumbling under his breath]'' Yeah, yeah... :'''Officer Montoya''': What was that, Bullock? ''[happily gives badge to Bullock]'' :'''Detective Bullock''': ''[reluctantly hesitates, accepts his badge]'' I said... Thanks a lot, Montoya. ===''The Forgotten'' [1.8]=== :'''Bruce''': What is this? :'''Smith''': If it's moving, it's a rat. If it isn't, it's a cooked rat. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': ''[Alfred flies the Batwing to the tracking device's location]'' This must be the place! Bring us down! :'''Batwing Computer''': Negative. :'''Alfred''': ''[pressing buttons madly]'' But Master Bruce is down there! We HAVE to land! :'''Computer''': Impossible. Area too confined. :'''Alfred''': ''[pounds the console]'' Land, you bucket of bolts! :'''Computer''': Your funeral. :'''Alfred''': Oh, dear...! ''[The Batwing flies down abruptly. Bruce, escaping the mine, sees the Batwing fly over]'' :'''Bruce''': ''[Smiles]'' Son of a gun! :''[The Batwing reaches a flat area near Bruce and lands. The cockpit opens.]'' :'''Computer''': Watch your step. :'''Alfred''': ''[tumbles out, dazed]'' [[w:Juan Rodriguez Cabrillo|I-I-I claim this land... for Spain]]. ''[collapses]'' ===''Be A Clown'' [1.9]=== :'''Jordan''': How can I get to be a great magician like you, Jekko? :'''"Jekko"''': Well, there are three steps! Step one: run away. Step two: find a magician with a great act. And step three: ''steal it.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Summer Gleason''': ''[reporting on TV]'' Denying reports of a bomb blast at his son's birthday party, Mayor Hill insists the explosion was caused by faulty electrical wiring. :'''"Jekko"''': Yeah! RIGHT! ''[laughs]'' :'''Summer Gleason''': The Mayor declined, however, to confirm that his son Jordan was missing. :'''"Jekko"''': Missing? :'''Jordan''': ''[coming into view]'' It's me, Jekko. I ran away. :'''"Jekko"''': You did '''WHAT?!?''' :'''Jordan''': I want to be a magician, like you. :'''"Jekko"''': Why, you... ''[laughs]'' Well, kid, you got step one right! Come on in. I've been thinking about a protégé. <hr width="50%"/> :'''"Jekko"''': ''[sees Batman approaching on a monitor]'' Well, if it ain't the Caped Coconut... :'''Jordan''': My dad says Batman's no good. :'''"Jekko"''': Well, then I guess your dad's not a ''total'' idiot! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman is trapped inside a tank filled with water, complete with a straitjacket and leg restraints]'' :'''"Jekko"''': For your viewing pleasure, we present... the infamous water tank trap! The great [[w:Harry Houdini|Houdini]] survived such a test. Dare we demand less of the Batman?! :'''Jordan''': I don't like this, Jekko... :'''"Jekko"''': Quiet, kid, it's a free ticket. :''[Batman manages to free the sleeves of the jacket]'' :'''Jordan''': ''[clapping]'' He did it! He got free! :'''"Jekko"''': They don't make straitjackets like they used to. ''[grinning]'' I should know... :''[Batman wriggles out of the jacket and undoes the leg restraints, but struggles to break the glass]'' :'''Jordan''': He can't get out! What's the trick? :'''"Jekko"''': That's just it! THERE IS NO TRICK! :'''Jordan''': No! He'll drown! :''[Jordan grabs an axe and strikes the side of the tank to try and free Batman, but "Jekko" takes the axe away]'' :'''"Jekko"/Joker''': That's why they call it the FINALE! ''[throws down the axe and discards his "Jekko the Clown" mask]'' Now sit down and enjoy the show! ===''Two-Face Part 1'' [1.10]=== :'''[[w:John Vernon|Rupert Thorne]]''': All men have something to hide. The brighter the picture, the darker the negative. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Dent's raid on Thorne has been aborted by the judge due to supposed lack of reliable evidence]'' :'''Dent''': No! NO! '''I SPENT ''THREE MONTHS'' ON THAT RAID!''' He can't overturn! The fool! HE'S ''BEEN BOUGHT! LIKE ALL THE REST!'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[tries to restrain him]'' Harvey, please try to calm down. This sort of behavior doesn't run well with the voters- :'''Dent''': ''LET GO OF ME, YOU RICH TWIT!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dent''': Stealing someone's psychiatric file is pretty low, Thorne! Even for a swine like you! :'''Rupert Thorne''': But it makes for such fascinating reading. Listen to this, boys. Says here that when Harvey was a little boy, he was bothered by a bully. Every day the bully would bug him after school, until one day little Harvey got so mad, he slugged him one. :'''Thorne's Thugs''': Oooh! :'''Rupert Thorne''': Of course, the bully ran away, which made little Harvey very proud. Until he heard that the bully was in the hospital. :'''Candace''': That was some punch. :'''Rupert Thorne''': ''[chuckles]'' That's what Harvey thought. Except the guy was in the hospital for appendicitis! ''[chuckles again]'' But poor Harvey felt so guilty, he never showed his anger again. And that was the start of "Big Bad Harv". :'''Dent''': What do you want? :'''Rupert Thorne''': Just a few favors from the D.A.'s office. :'''Dent''': You're dreaming. :'''Rupert Thorne''': Otherwise, as a concerned citizen, I'd be compelled to give this to the press. After all, the people of Gotham have a right to know the kind of person... or should I say "persons", they've elected. So, what do you say, Harvey? Do we have a deal? :''[Harvey's face has contorted in building rage the entire time, but suddenly relaxes into deceptive docility]'' :'''Dent''': There's just one problem. :'''Rupert Thorne''': What's that? :'''Dent''': ''[in Big Bad Harv's voice]'' '''''You're talking to the wrong Harvey.''''' ===''Two-Face Part 2'' [1.11]=== :''[In a nightmare, Harvey is being chased by a dark shadow. He suddenly realizes he is standing on a collapsing wooden bridge]'' :'''Harvey Dent''': Stay back! ''[the shadow reveals itself to be Batman, pleading for Harvey's help]'' :'''Batman''': Harvey, please, let me help you! :'''Harvey Dent''': You?! You saw what was happening! You knew that something was terribly wrong with me! I thought you were my friend! You should have been able to help me--but you didn't! ''[Harvey covers his face with his two hands, now transformed into Two-Face]'' :'''Two-Face''': ''NOW LOOK AT ME!!'' :'''Batman''': But I tried, Harvey. I... ''[the bridge pulls itself apart, causing Two-Face to fall off]'' Harvey! :'''Two-Face''': ''[Plummets into an abyss of glowing red light] WHY COULDN'T YOU SAVE ME...?!!'' :''[Batman looks down the edge and gasps with horrified shock. He instead sees his late parents Thomas and Martha Wayne underneath a single lamppost. They both raise their heads in sadness]'' :'''Thomas Wayne''': Why couldn't you save us, son? :''[Bruce wakes up, sweating with fear. He then turns to a photo of Two-Face from a newspaper]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': So what are you dreaming tonight, Harvey? Peaceful dreams? Nightmares? Maybe both at once. Sleep well, my friend. Whether you are, whatever you've become... I ''will'' save you. I swear. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Two-Face''': This is my world now. A dichotomy of order and chaos - just like me. :'''Grace''': Harvey, what's happened to your mind, your feelings? You used to listen to your feelings. :'''Two-Face''': ''[flipping his coin]'' This is what I listen to now. ''Chance,'' Grace. Chance is everything. Whether you're born or not, whether you live or die, whether you're good or bad... it's all arbitrary. :'''Grace''': That's nonsense, Harvey. Was it chance that made you District Attorney? Was it chance that made you fall in love with me? Take control of your life, Harvey. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Two-Face grabs a tommy gun and aims at a defenceless Thorne]'' :'''Rupert Thorne''': No! Two-Face, don't! ''[to Batman]'' You can't let him! :'''Grace''': Harvey! What are you doing?! :'''Two-Face''': Taking control of my life. :'''Batman''': Let the law handle it. :'''Two-Face''': "The law"?! ''[takes out his coin]'' Here's the only law! The law of averages! The great equalizer! :''[Two-Face flips the coin, but Batman throws out a crate of other coins, and Two-Face's is lost among them as they spill out]'' :'''Two-Face''': ''[horrified and panicked]'' NO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! ''[searches through them frantically]'' My coin! Where is it?! I can't decide without...! Oh no, it's ''gotta'' be here, it's ''gotta! [shrieks with anguish]'' '''''I HAVE TO HAVE IT!!!''''' :''[He continues to scream, swiping the coins aside before collapsing in tears; Grace gently comforts him]'' :'''Grace''': It's all right now, Harvey. I'm here. ===''It's Never Too Late'' [1.12]=== :'''Father Michael Stromwell''': Arnold? That's one soul I wish I could give up on. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arnold Stromwell''': I don't need your help! :'''Michael Stromwell''': Is that a fact? An empire crumbling? A marriage shattered? A son lost? Sure, you're doing fine. ===''I've Got Batman In My Basement'' [1.13]=== :''[after Penguin's goons successfully steal a [[w:Fabergé egg|Fabergé egg]] on a tall building]'' :'''Goon 1''': ''[chuckles]'' A piece of cake, just like the boss said. :'''Goon 2''': Yeah, all it took was five minutes. ''[Batman makes his surprise appearance to the goons]'' :'''Batman''': And that'll get you five ''years''... ''[pause]'' with good behavior. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Be-fowled by a couple of fledgelings! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Grant''': Sherman, what are you doing down there? :'''Sherman''': Nothing, Mom! :'''Mrs. Grant''': You're not trying to make gunpowder again, are you? :'''Sherman''': No, Mom! Honest! :'''Roberta''': We just saved Batman's life, Mrs. Grant, and now we're hiding him from some bad criminals. :'''Mrs. Grant''': That's good, just don't make a mess. ''[leaves]'' :'''Sherman''': Nice going, Miss Big Mouth. :'''Roberta''': ''[shrugging]'' Sorry, Sherman, I guess I panicked. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Gentlemen - and I use the term loosely - after you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Eurgh, how bourgeois. Tearing this place apart could only improve it! Let the egg hunt begin! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Grant''': Young man, you've got some serious explaining to do! ''[sees Batman and the defeated Penguin and gasps]'' :'''Sherman''': Err, Mom, I'd like you to meet Batman. Batman, this is my mom. :'''Batman''': Ma'am. :'''Mrs. Grant''': Oh, hello... :'''Sherman''': Say, Batman, you wouldn't be single, would you? ===''[[w:Heart of Ice (Batman: The Animated Series)|Heart of Ice]]'' [1.14]=== :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[gazes at the ballerina snow globe]'' This is how I'll always remember you. Surrounded by [[winter]] forever young, forever beautiful. Rest well, my love. The monster who took you from me will soon learn that [[revenge]] is a dish... ''[opens his eyes through his red goggles]'' best served '''cold'''. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman infiltrates an office in GothCorp headquarters and sees a classified file with a videotape and medical records of a woman named Nora Fries. He plays the tape on a nearby VCR]'' :'''Victor Fries''': ''[on the tape]'' My name is Doctor Victor Fries. I am recording what I pray would be mankind's first step toward immortality. ''[camera pans to a large machine with a glass capsule and a woman inside it]'' Behind me, you see the CC-100, a cryogenic freezing chamber of my own design. I created it for the express purpose of freezing subjects stricken with inoperable ailments. Subjects like... my own beloved wife, Nora. Once a remedy has been found-- ''[reacts to a loud banging on the door]'' :'''Ferris Boyle''': ''[Behind the door]'' Open this door! Open it now! ''[A security guard kicks the door down, Ferris and another guard step into the room. Boyle confronts Fries angrily.]'' Get away from that equipment! ''[Orders his guards]'' Shut this stuff down. :'''Fries''': ''[Panicked]'' Stop! This is my experiment! :'''Boyle''': Your ''unauthorized'' experiment. I ordered funding suspended weeks ago! I'm already three million in debt thanks to you! :'''Fries''': You can't stop it now! My wife is in there! :'''Boyle''': So bring her out! :'''Fries''': You can't interrupt the process now! :'''Boyle''': ''[unmoved; to guard]'' Open it. :'''Fries''': ''[desperately holds on to Boyle]'' It's her only chance! :'''Boyle''': ''[shrugs off Fries]'' This is MY equipment! ''MINE!'' I have every legal right to use it or not use it as I see fit. I say this project ends ''now!'' :'''Fries''': ''[grabs pistol from security guard and aims it at Ferris]'' '''NO!''' Stay away from her, murderer! :'''Boyle''': ''[tries to act charming to Fries]'' Victor... I'm sorry... I lost my temper. It doesn't have to come to this. We can talk! ''[Fries calms down and Boyle kicks him into a table of cryonic chemicals. Victor screams in pain as the cloud of volatile chemicals engulf him. Boyle steps away in fear and runs out of the room with his guards]'' Get out. Get out! :'''Fries''': ''[Clinging to his freezing chamber, screaming through the glass] Nora! NORA...! [passes out. The tape ends]'' :'''Batman''': ''[Horrified]'' My God! :''[A voice rings out--it's Mr. Freeze, who just snuck in the room]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': Yes. It would move me to tears, if I still had tears to shed. ''[freezes Batman with his cryo-gun]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mr. Freeze raids the award ceremony and confronts Ferris Boyle, who is receiving a humanitarian award]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': The cold eyes of vengeance are upon you, Boyle. :'''Ferris Boyle''': Who...who ''are'' you?! :'''Mr. Freeze''': Come, now. Surely you remember your old colleague... Victor Fries? :''[Mr. Freeze aims and fires his freezing gun at Boyle's feet, ice slowly covering up his legs to his waist]'' :'''Boyle''': ''[cries in pain]'' NO! No...! Stop... please... I... b-beg you! ''[Mr. Freeze stops his freezing gun for a moment of clarity]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': You... ''beg?'' In my nightmares I see my Nora behind the glass, begging to me with frozen eyes. How I've longed to see that look frozen on you. :''[Batman batarangs Mr Freeze's cryo-gun and attacks him. Mr Freeze overpowers Batman and throws him off]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': The advanced circuitry that powers my suit also triples my strength! ''[engages Batman, and lifts him off the ground]'' Sooner or later, all who stand in my way must feel the icy touch of death! :''[Mr. Freeze is about to kill Batman, but collapses when Batman smashes his glass helmet with a thermos full of chicken soup given to him by Alfred earlier]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': ''[walks next to Batman]'' Ooh...! What was that stuff? :'''Batman''': The only way to fight a cold. :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[as his suit falters]'' It can't end this way... vengeance...! :'''Batman''': No, ''justice''. A year ago, Ferris Boyle interrupted an experiment, and in the process destroyed two lives. ''[gives Summer Gleeson the tape he found]'' Here's the evidence. ''[walks to a still shivering Boyle; he sneers at Boyle with disgust]'' Good night, humanitarian! ''[walks off]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mr. Freeze is in his subzero cell in Arkham Asylum, gazing into his ballerina snow globe]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': I failed you. I wish there were another way for me to say it... but I cannot. ''[Tears silently slide down his face]'' I can only beg your [[forgiveness]] and pray you hear me somehow, someplace. Someplace... where a warm hand waits for mine. ===''The Cat And The Claw Part 1'' [1.15]=== :'''Stern''': Now if you'll excuse me, I've given you all the time I can spare. :'''Selina Kyle''': You'll find more time for me, Mr. Stern. Before I'm through, I'll have every environmental group and animal rights activist breathing down your neck. They'll be looking at you and your project so closely, you'll feel like a bug in a bell-jar. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You're late. :'''Mob Boss''': Can't you walk up to someone normal-like? :'''Batman''': I hear you have some information. :'''Mob Boss''': Under one condition: Lay off the South Side. :'''Batman''': Keep this up, and I'll be on you from ''all'' sides. North, south, east, and west. ===''The Cat And The Claw Part 2'' [1.16]=== :'''Batman''': Red Claw? A woman? :'''[[W:Red_Claw|Red Claw]]''': Do you have a problem with that, Batman? :'''Batman''': Not at all. I'm an equal opportunity crime fighter! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I didn't want you taken away like a common criminal. :'''Catwoman''': So you ''do'' care. :'''Batman''': ''[handcuffing her]'' More than you'll ever know. ===''See No Evil'' [1.17]=== :'''Lloyd Ventrix''': See you 'round, Batman! Too bad you can't say the same! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Ventrix, the suit! It's poison! :'''Ventrix''': So what if it is?! I don't care! As long as I have it, I can take my daughter back whenever I want! Her mother won't stop me, AND NEITHER WILL YOU! ===''Beware The Gray Ghost'' [1.18]=== :''[At a video shop, Bruce Wayne asks for Gray Ghost films]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': I'd like the ''Gray Ghost''. :'''Store Clerk''': ''[smirks and walks away]'' Hmm. Name something else. :'''Wayne''': You said you had everything. :'''Store Clerk''': Except the ''Gray Ghost''! Nobody has it! The studio that made the show, Spectra? It burned down 20 years ago. The negatives all went up like kindling, real shame. :'''Wayne''': So the ''Gray Ghost'' doesn't exist? :'''Clerk''': Not anymore. Sorry, pal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Simon Trent''': ''[Hands Batman a film reel with the key the mystery]'' Here's your answer, take it and go! :'''Batman''': I used to admire what the Gray Ghost stood for... :'''Simon Trent''': I'm not the Gray Ghost! :'''Batman''': ''[coldly]'' I can see that now. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the launch of the Gray Ghost videos]'' :'''Bruce''': Could you make this out to 'Bruce'? :'''Gray Ghost''': ''[signing autograph]'' Here you are, Bruce. :'''Bruce''': Thanks. As a kid, I used to watch you with my father. The Gray Ghost was my hero. :'''Gray Ghost''': ''[realizing]'' Really... :'''Bruce''': ''[smiling]'' And he still is. ===''Prophecy Of Doom'' [1.19]=== :'''Nostromos''': I predict... you and I are about to become rich as pigs! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lucas''': No one could've predicted Batman would spot me. Not even the great Nostromos. Besides, how do you know Wayne survived? :'''Nostromos''': The news said he got off the elevator right before it fell, you pathetic amateur! :'''Lucas''': Well, you didn't predict he would ''die'', exactly... ===''Feat Of Clay Part 1'' [1.20]=== :''[About Matt Hagen's repeated use of "Renuyu" to restore his disfigured face]'' :'''Teddy Lupus''': You can't go on like this, Matt. You hurt all the time now. :'''[[w:Clayface|Matt Hagen]]''': ''[irritated]'' You're just my stand-in, Lupus. Nobody promoted you to nursemaid! :'''Lupus''': That stuff makes your face like putty, Matt; it can't be good for ya. :'''Hagen''': It probably ain't good for me. But unless I only want to do ''horror'' pictures, it ain't bad for me either. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Listen up, scumwad, 'cause I'm only gonna ask you once. Who was Lucius Fox meeting at the tram? :'''Raymond Bell''': Wayne... Bruce Wayne! :'''Batman''': You lying sleaze! You wanna rethink that answer? ===''Feat Of Clay Part 2'' [1.21]=== :'''Clayface''': ''[testing his new shapeshifting powers]'' The formula must have soaked every cell in my body. :'''Teddy Lupus''': It's.... It's some kind of miracle! ''[sees Matt change back into Clayface]'' Wha... What are you doing? :'''Clayface''': No. No! You broke my concentration! It won't work, don't you see?! It's too hard! It's like tensing a muscle - I can't keep it up for long! MY CAREER, MY ''LIFE'' - IT ''IS'' GONE! AND I CAN NEVER GET IT BACK! ''[In his rage, Clayface destroys several things in the trailer]'' I'm not an actor anymore! I'm not even... a ''man''! ''[Sobs softly]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Clayface''': Not even the Batman could stop me, Teddy. And that means ''Daggett'' won't have a prayer. :'''Teddy''': Matt, please, you don't wanna do anything crazy. Why don't you try to get some shuteye? :'''Clayface''': ''[growls]'' DON'T YOU DARE PATRONIZE ME!!! I told you I don't need rest! I don't need food! AND I DON'T NEED YOU!!!! ''[grabs Teddy and throws him to a bookcase then walks out the door]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Roland Daggett is at a talk show talking about Renuyu facial cream and the host entertains audience questions]'' :'''Woman''': I'd like to ask Mr. Daggett about the rumors I've heard. I hear he's selling Renuyu through direct marketing because stores won't carry it due to its harmful side effects. :'''[[w:Roland Daggett|Roland Daggett]]''': Well that's, uh, absolutely untrue- :'''Woman''': ''[stands up and approaches him]'' What about the addictive properties of Renuyu, Mr. Daggett? Once you're hooked, you can't stop using it without horrible...''pain!'' :'''Daggett''': No! I mean... That's just not so! :'''Woman''': Why don't you show them what an ''overdose'' can do, Daggett?! Why don't you tell them ''[voices goes deeper]'' about ME?! ''[transforms into Clayface]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Batman tricks Clayface into confronting him in a recording room, where he turns multiple screens showing headshots of Clayface's past roles]'' :'''Clayface''': What are you doing?! Stop it! :'''Batman''': Look at them, Hagan. Look at what you used to be! :'''Clayface''': No, no! Turn them off...! :'''Batman''': You ''can'' play those roles again, Hagan. Let me help you find a cure. :'''Clayface''': ''[begins to shapeshift into his past roles]'' No! Hagan's gone! Make him stop haunting me! ''[begins to uncontrollably shapeshift into his past roles]'' Stop it! Turn them off! I can't control it! I can't be all of them! Not all at once! :''[Batman tries to turn on some more screens, but Clayface knocks him out of the way and smashes the control panels; Clayface yanks off one of the screens and throws it at Batman, who dodges; the screen hits the big screen, causing an explosion; the police arrive to see Clayface in his shapeshifting seizure as he shifts his face into Bruce Wayne]'' :'''Officer''': Mother of mercy! It looks just like Bruce Wayne! :''[Clayface punches through two screens, electrocuting him and reverting back into his true form and he topples over; Batman walks up to Clayface]'' :'''Clayface''': ''[morphs into Matt Hagan]'' You know what I'd have given for a death scene like this? ''[morphs into his scarred form]'' Too bad I won't get to... read the notices. ''[faints and reverts back to his true form.]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Lucius Fox''': I'm just glad to know it wasn't really Bruce Wayne who attacked me. :'''Summer Gleeson''': Thank you, Mr. Fox. All charges against Wayne have, of course, been dropped. And Roland Daggett remains in custody. :''[as Alfred turns off the TV, Batman is experimenting with a piece of Clayface's clay]'' :'''Alfred''': My word, sir. I should think after all this, it would time to rest. :'''Batman''': Look. A piece of clay left behind when they took Hagan's body away. Watch. ''[zaps the clay with electricity, causing it to morph into multiple shapes]'' :'''Alfred''': Electricity has no effect on it? :'''Batman''': Exactly. ''[scene changes to a morgue where a doctor uncovers Clayface's body; voice-over]'' I wouldn't be surprised if the body they took to the morgue was only a shell. ''[Clayface's body cracks and crumbles into little pieces]'' Don't forget, first and foremost, Hagan was an actor. ''[scene changes to Teddy outside the hospital]'' He said it himself, Alfred. He called it a scene. Maybe the greatest scene in his career. :'''Teddy''': ''[sadly]'' See you 'round, Matt. ''[walks away]'' :'''Batman''': A death scene so real... it fooled us all. :''[A woman laughs maniacally as her voice grows deeper and her eyes turn yellow, revealing her to be a disguised Clayface]'' ===''Joker's Favor'' [1.22]=== :'''[[w:Joker (comics)|Joker]]''': ''[tosses two pennies on the ground]'' There's your two cents. Now, what are you going to do to me? :'''Charlie''': Listen.... I... O'm sorry, really! I.... I had a bad day. Boss turned down my raise, and... :'''Joker''': Now look, my rude friend! We can't have people cursing at each other on the freeway. It's simply ''not polite''! ''[jumps down and grabs him]'' I'm just going to have to teach you some manners. ''[reaches into his coat]'' :'''Charlie''': Please don't! I have a family, a wife, a little boy! Please! I'll do anything to make it up! Anything! :'''Joker''': Anything, says you? ''[Charlie nods; Joker releases him]'' Okee-dokee! Wallet. :'''Charlie''': Uh, okay. I don't have much cash. :'''Joker''': Oh, please! Don't insult me! ''[takes out driver's license]'' Charles Michael Collins. That's you! Tsk tsk, lousy picture, though. Lousy! Address, height, weight, blah blah blah. ''[tosses the wallet back and keeps the license]'' Righty-o, Chuckers! Here's the deal. I'll let you off if you promise to do a little favor for me. :'''Charlie''': Okay. What? :'''Joker''': ''I DON'T KNOW! I HAVEN'T THOUGHT OF IT YET!'' You just toddle on back to your mundane, meaningless little life, and when I need you, I'll call. Fair? Good? Great! I'll be in touch. ''[walks away, laughing maniacally]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Charlie''': Hello? :'''Joker''': Hello, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': Wrong number, pal. My name is Don. :'''Joker''': Oh, no, no, no. This IS the right number, Charles Michael Collins. Oh, I don't know why you changed your name to Don Wallace and moved your family to 12 Marigold Lane, Springdale, Ohio. One might think you were trying to skip out on our little deal. ''[to Harley Quinn]'' Leave the sideburns. :'''Charlie''': Uh... how did you find me? :'''Joker''': Oh, I never lost you, Chaz. You've become my... HOBBY!! ''[laughs maniacally]'' Now, listen up, Charlie Brown. You're booked on the next flight to Gotham. Tell the family you have to visit a sick friend. Oh, and let's keep this to ourselves, 'kay? Bad things happen to people who gossip, capisce, Carlo? ''[Charlie looks out the window to see Joker's henchmen pull up to his house]'' :'''Charlie''': Yeah... :'''Joker''': Good! See ya! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': You miserable little ''nobody!'' If I get caught, your wife and son are history! :'''Charlie''': You're not getting caught. Not this time. I found this blown out of the van. :''[He pulls one of the Joker's bombs from his jacket, and the Joker looks shocked and afraid]'' :'''Charlie''': This is how it ends, Joker. No big schemes, no grand fight to the finish with the Dark Knight. Tomorrow, all the papers will say is that the great Joker was found blown to bits in an alley, alongside a "miserable little nobody"! ''[chuckles]'' Kinda funny. Ironic, really. See? I can destroy a man's dreams too! And that's really the only dream you've got, isn't it?! :'''Joker''': ''[still scared]'' Look, Charlie, you've had a busy day! All this running around, all this excitement with... ''[yelling out desperately]'' '''''BATMAN!''''' Stop! You... you're crazy! :'''Charlie''': I had a good teacher! ''[chuckles]'' Say goodnight, Gracie! :'''Joker''': ''[terrified, trying to crawl away]'' NO! '''BATMAN! ''BATMAN!''''' ''[sees Batman in the shadows, and gasps with relief and annoyance]'' How long have you been there?! :'''Batman''': Long enough. Put it down, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': You know he'll just escape again! This is the only way my family stays safe! :'''Joker''': All right, you win! Take it easy! ''[surrenders his notebook to Batman]'' Here's everything on his blasted family - names, addresses, it's all there! You're no fun anymore, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': Hey, Joker! ''[throws the bomb at the Joker, who cowers behind Batman - only for the "bomb" to release harmless confetti]'' Gotcha! :''[Batman lets out a short laugh]'' :'''Joker''': ''[dryly]'' Oh, very funny. A million laughs. :'''Batman''': Go home, Mr. Collins. :'''Charlie''': Home. I never thought that could sound so good. I wonder what Bonnie's making for dinner. Right now, anything would taste great. Even meatloaf. ===''Vendetta'' [1.23]=== :'''Batman''': Here's how it works, slimeball. I have questions, and if you have answers, I'll leave you alone. :'''Rupert Thorne''': Oh, I have plenty of answers... thirty-eight caliber answers. Now then, you were saying? :'''Batman''': ''[Using Thorne as a shield]'' I was saying, you'd better hope your men are ''very'' good shots. It's too hot in here. Let's get some air. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Killer Croc''': Terrific. Just what I need now. The freak job in the cape. :'''Batman''': You're no prize yourself. :'''Killer Croc''': ''[strangling Batman]'' What can I tell you now? Being a reptile man ain't pretty... but it's got its upside. Like having the strength of a crocodile, for instance! But I guess you've learned that by now, huh? ''[forcing Batman into the water]'' The hard way. You know, they used to call "Killer Croc" the meanest dude in the Wrestling Federation. Now they'll call him the guy who iced the Batman! :'''Batman''': ''[flip-kicks Killer Croc really hard and gets out of the water]'' Don't hold your breath. ===''Fear Of Victory'' [1.24]=== :'''Mr. Lucky''': Lost? You have that bewildered look, but your sort always does. :'''Thug''': ''[grabs him threateningly]'' I ain't lost. I'm lookin' for you! I wanna know how come you always win, Mr. Lucky. :'''Mr. Lucky''': It's quite simple, actually. I fix the games. :'''Thug''': You can't fix ''all'' those sports. Nobody can! :'''Mr. Lucky''': Oh, ye of little brain, allow me to illustrate. ''[hands the thug an envelope laced in fear toxin]'' Here. You can read, can't you? :'''Thug''': ''[reads it]'' "Boo!" Hey, is this some kinda joke? :'''Mr. Lucky''': It's no joke, I assure you. It's the fear of victory, and the agony of... ''[the thug pulls Mr. Lucky out of the shadows, revealing his true identity]'' '''the Scarecrow!''' :''[The thug gasps in fear, now a victim of his toxin]'' :'''Scarecrow''': So now you understand Step One in how I fix an athletic contest. ''[Scarecrow comes closer to the thug, causing him to fall into some stacks of hay]'' I shall proceed to Step Two! ''[chuckles evilly]'' :'''Thug''': No! NO! GET AWAY! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': There's enough powder in that helmet to panic a pachyderm! He should be postering himself, crying for mercy! :'''Batman''': Change of luck, Scarecrow? :'''Scarecrow''': YOU! :'''Batman''': You're aware that gambling is illegal in Gotham? :'''Scarecrow''': I need the money, Batman! You know the cost of chemicals these days. And it will take much more than this to bring every pathetic person in Gotham to their knees, kissing my feet! ''[reveals a vial of his fear chemical and dangles it above the crowd]'' No closer, Batman! Unless you want a stampede of half-crazed humanity crushing and clawing each other! Now... what guarantee do I have you won't follow me? :'''Batman''': You have my word, Scarecrow. Just don't drop the vial. :'''Scarecrow''': Actually, Batman, I'd prefer a little insurance that you'll be otherwise occupied! ''[drops it]'' ===''The Clock King'' [1.25]=== :'''Fugate''': (after judgment has been passed) No! You can't! I'll be ruined! :'''Judge''': Then perhaps this will teach you to be on time for a change. :'''Batman''': What kind of a saboteur uses a six-thousand dollar Metronex to set a time bomb? :'''Alfred''': A saboteur with too much money? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman:''' Hold it! :'''Fugate:''' Well, well. The Batman. It's about time you showed up! I suppose you want to know why I've brought Downtown Gotham to a standstill, Batman. Hm? Well, let's just say it's because I'm a civic minded citizen with a lot of time on his hands. :'''Batman''': I want some answers, wise guy. Talk! :'''Fugate''': A pity. I don't know what to tell you, Batman - except perhaps that the 9:15 is always six minutes early. :''(He falls off the building and lands safely on the roof of an oncoming train as it speeds away)'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mayor Hill is tied to the hands of a huge clock]'' :'''Clock King''': Comfortable, Hill? Well you won't be for long! At 3:15 on the dot, those hands will come together and you'll be crushed like an insect. 3:15, Hill. Does that time hold any meaning for you? :'''Mayor Hill''': I don't know what you're talking about! :'''Clock King''': You told me to take my coffee break at 3:15. :'''Mayor Hill''': What?! :'''Clock King''': You don't remember?! My ''court date!'' :'''Mayor Hill''': ''[finally realizing]'' Oh my Lord! The lawsuit! Fugate! I swear I was only trying to help! :'''Clock King''': Don't hand me that! You did it on purpose! The plaintiffs were represented by your law firm, Mr. Mayor! :'''Mayor Hill''': But I had nothing to do with that case, Fugate! :'''Clock King''': Not that it matters anymore. Now that you have an appointment to keep, at 3:15 precisely—with the '''Grim Reaper!''' ''[begins laughing maniacally]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I'm here to clean your clock, Fugate. :'''Fugate''': Don't count on it, Batman. When it comes to clocks, ''I'' am king. ''En garde''! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Stop this, Fugate! Hill committed no crime against you! :'''Temple Fugate''': He did worse than that! He made me late! :'''Batman''': Fugate! You can't escape! :'''Clock King''': Au contraire, Batman. You of all people should know, there's always a way out! :''(Fugate begins laughing maniacally as a huge clock wheel falls on him, sending him to his apparent death)'' ===''Appointment In Crime Alley'' [1.26]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': Roland Daggett's up to something, Alfred. :'''Alfred''': That almost goes without saying, doesn't it, sir? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Leslie Thompkins''': This used to be a beautiful street. Good people lived here once. :'''Batman''': ''[placing two roses on the ground]'' Good people still live in Crime Alley. ===''Mad As A Hatter'' [1.27]=== :'''Jervis Tetch''': ''[Discussing the subject of Alice to his lab rats.]'' Of course, intellectually I know it's wrong. After all, she has a boyfriend. Better to withdraw like a gentleman- forget her, turn my heart to other pursuits. ''[Brief pause]'' NEVER! After all, I've created a chip strong enough to control a human brain! It would be so easy to make her forget her boorish beau and love ME! But...that would reduce her to a soulless shell. No...not my Alice. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman has cornered Jervis Tetch, who just subdued Alice with her mindcontrol card and is at a dinner table with him]'' :'''Jervis Tetch/Mad Hatter''': I'll cut that cowl off your neck before you'll take her! I've waited my whole lonely life for her! :'''Batman''': Then all you've waited for is a puppet. A soulless little doll. :'''Mad Hatter''': It didn't have to be this way! You made me do this to her! ===''Dreams In Darkness'' [1.28]=== :'''Batman''': "There's always time to heal", the doctor told me, but he was wrong. There was no time left. Not for me, not for him, and not for Gotham City. And as long as I remained trapped in Arkham, there was nothing I could do, except wait for the end and remember the beginning. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': An entire city, screaming in fear... I wonder if we'll be able to hear it... ===''Eternal Youth'' [1.29]=== :'''Mrs. Thomas''': You wicked, evil- :'''Poison Ivy''': Evil, Mrs. Thomas? I don't control a company that leveled a thousand-year-old forest for a strip mine! THAT'S evil! ''[sprays a gas which causes Mrs. Thomas to become petrified; steals a pair of earrings]'' You and your kind owe Mother Nature a big debt, and I am here to make sure you pay up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': Right now, the bark is merely exoskeletal. It will take months of additional spraying before the transformations become irreversible. But, of course, I have the patience of a redwood. :'''Batman''': ''[snarling]'' And the convictions of a fanatic! :'''Poison Ivy''': Well, if you're not going to be part of the solution, you're obviously part of the problem. Ladies? :''[Ivy's henchwomen begin to spray Batman with the growth formula]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': This spray is triple-strength, Batman! It will start the transformation without any preliminaries! ''[Nothing seems to happen to Batman as he unties his hands]'' He should be sprouting leaves by now! :'''Batman''': ''[Unties his hands and stands up, blocking the spray with his cape as he advances]'' You made your secret too accessible, Ivy! I coated my outfit with a herbicidal antidote! :'''Poison Ivy''': Keep spraying! ''[Violet and Lily back away, still spraying, but Batman subdues them both]'' ===''Perchance To Dream'' [1.30]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[Looking down off the ledge, preparing to jump]'' You're wrong! There IS a way out! :'''Mad Hatter''': Now, now wait just a minute! You don't want to do anything foolish! This isn't an ordinary dream! What if you're wrong?! :'''Bruce Wayne''': '''THEN I'LL SEE YOU IN YOUR ''NIGHTMARES''!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': '''''WHY?''''' Why did you do it?! :'''Mad Hatter''': You, of all people, have the GALL to ask me that? You RUINED MY LIFE! I was willing to give you WHATEVER life you wanted, JUST TO KEEP YOU OUT OF ''MINE!'' <hr width="75%"/> ===''The Cape & Cowl Conspiracy'' [1.31]=== :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Look up "slippery" in the dictionary and you get Josiah Wormwood. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[About the [[w:Bat-Signal|Bat-Signal]]]'' Got a new toy, I see. :'''Gordon''': I figured it might come in handy. ===''[[w:Robin's Reckoning|Robin's Reckoning Part 1]]'' [1.32]=== :''[Robin and Batman are doing a stakeout]'' :'''Robin''': If I knew it was going to take THIS long, I would've brought my homework. You sure about this extortion ring? :'''Batman''': ''[Looking at the construction site through binoculars]'' Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': It's been four hours. :'''Batman''': Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': You still think they'll show? :'''Batman''': Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': Lucky for me, you're such a good conversationalist. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': If you protect him, Stromwell, I'll be very... GRUMPY. [[The Incredible Hulk|You don't want to see me when I'm grumpy]]. ===''[[w:Robin's Reckoning|Robin's Reckoning Part 2]]'' [1.33]=== :'''[[w:Tony Zucco|Tony Zucco]]''': I'm not back in town five minutes - FIVE MINUTES - and he's on my tail. You don't know the Bat. He don't let up! He's the dark angel of death, man, and he wants ME! :'''Mick''': ... Why you, boss? :'''Zucco''': HOW SHOULD I KNOW?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Robin is about to throw Tony Zucco off the pier]'' :'''Tony Zucco''': No, don't! Please... :'''Batman''': Robin! Enough. ''[limps towards him]'' You can't let your emotions get the best of you. :'''Robin''': Stuff your advice, Batman! You and your stone-cold heart! You don't know how I feel. HOW COULD YOU?!? ''[Batman looks at him, and Robin realizes what he said]'' Batman, I didn't mean to... I'm sorry. ''[after he sees the police coming, Robin seemingly readies to throw Zucco off the pier but simply throws him to the ground. The cops arrive and arrest Zucco.]'' You were right, you know, not bringing me along. You knew I'd take it too personally. :'''Batman''': It wasn't that, Robin. It wasn't that at all. Zucco's taken so much, caused you so much pain. I couldn't stand the thought that he might... take you, too. :'''Robin''': ''[putting a hand on Batman's shoulder]'' Come on, partner. It's been a long night. ===''The Laughing Fish'' [1.34]=== :'''Alfred''': ''[seeing Batman with a Joker Fish]'' Dining in tonight, sir? :'''Batman''': ''[sighs]'' The dissection tray, please, Alfred... :'''Alfred''': Any idea what our happy friend is up to now? :'''Batman''': Normal criminals usually have logical motives, but the Joker's insane schemes make sense to him alone. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': Ah-ah-ah-ahem! Look alive, wage slaves. Presenting that caliph of clowns, that mogul of mountebanks, the one and only Joker! :''[The Joker enters, laughing maniacally]'' :'''Francis''': Great Scott! :'''Joker''': Actually, I'm Irish. Good morning, Mister, err, ''[looks at his desk's name plate]'' Francis! Please allow me to introduce my associates. Miss Quinn. :'''Harley Quinn''': ''Enchante''! :'''Joker''': And Messrs, uh... oh, their names escape me for the moment. No matter! We gentlemen of business have arrangements to discuss. :'''Francis''': A... Arrangements? :'''Joker''': ''[drops a Joker Fish onto his desk]'' For my fish, of course! This has all been worked out far in advance, Francis. You are merely the last tiny cog in my grand design! So don't speak to me again, 'kay? Now, what is everyone in town talking about? :'''Francis''': Err... your fish? :'''Joker''': ''[smacks him with the fish]'' I TOLD YOU NOT TO SPEAK! :'''Harley''': ''[sniffs Francis]'' Ooh, fish stink-a-roony! ''[sprays him with a substance from a perfume bottle, making him cough]'' All better! :'''Joker''': As I was saying, since every fish in Gotham now bares my famous and frankly ''fabulous'' face, I should be getting a profit from every fish product sold. ''[one of his thugs pours out a pile of products]'' Let's say a nickel per fish sandwich, fifty cents for sardines - millions of dollars a day to finance my happily hedonistic lifestyle! So which of your tedious copyright forms do I fill out first? You may speak now. :'''Francis''': No one can copyright fish. They're a natural resource. :'''Joker''': But they share my unique face! [[w:Colonel Sanders|Colonel What's-His-Name]] has chickens, and they don't even have moustaches! :'''Francis''': I can't help it, it's the law! :'''Joker''': Oh! Trying to cheat the Joker, are ya?! Well, we'll see who has the last laugh. You have until midnight to change your mind, Francis, or you'll be the poorest fish of all! ''[leaves, laughing madly, with his thugs following]'' :'''Harley''': ''[blows Francis a kiss as she follows]'' Buh-bye! :'''Francis''': He's crazy...! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Francis''': Err, Batman? Why is this happening to me? I've never done anything to this Joker. I'm just a paper-pusher, I can't change the laws. I'm harmless! :'''Batman''': And in his sick mind, that's the joke, Mr. Francis. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Feeling all right? :'''Francis''': ''[scratching himself]'' Oh, sure. It's just that everything's been so crazy today. I haven't even had time to rinse off that gunk the Joker's girl squirted on me... :'''Batman''': ''[to Gordon]'' GET THIS MAN TO A HOSPITAL! ''NOW!'' :'''Francis''': What?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': You're right, Harley. Fish ''are'' disgusting. I think I'll start using my toxin on cattle. Joker Burgers! Ha! Talk about a [[w:McDonald's|Happy Meal!]] <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': ''[after hitting Batman with a big wrench]'' Meanwhile, back at the "wrench"...! Since my sidesplitters don't tickle you, how 'bout a ''skull''-splitter?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After the Joker is seemingly eaten by the shark]'' :'''Harley''': ''[sniffing sadly]'' Oh, my poor, poor puddin'... :'''Bullock''': Come on, he was a demented, abusive, psychotic maniac. :'''Harley''': Yeah... I'm really gonna miss him! ''[sobs into her handkerchief]'' :'''Gordon''': Do you think he's gone for good? :'''Batman''': Believe me, Jim, I wish it were true. But deep inside, I doubt it. ===''Night Of The Ninja'' [1.35]=== :'''[[w:Kyodai Ken|Kyodai Ken]]''': ''[Throwing Bruce]'' Don't be depressed, Wayne-san. You're not bad for a rich man's pampered son. :'''Sensei''': ''[Leaps across room and throws Kyodai]'' There's always someone better, Kyodai. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': His name is Kyodai Ken. He was good. :'''Robin''': Yeah? How good? :'''Batman''': ''[Quickly]'' Good. :'''Robin''': I see. <hr width="80%"/> ===''Cat Scratch Fever'' [1.36]=== :'''Selina Kyle''': Don't tell me you're my very own private probation officer. How often would you like me to check in? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': "Viral Antitoxins". For a plague that doesn't exist, yet, but if the plague is introduced via stray dogs and cats, it will blanket Gotham City within weeks! :'''Roland Daggett''': Days, actually. You know how many strays there are in Gotham, Batman? Three hundred thousand! Imagine if even a tenth of them carried the virus. Not only will this little bottle make me a hero, it'll make me a fortune as well. ===''The Strange Secret Of Bruce Wayne'' [1.37]=== :''[Joker, Two-Face, and Penguin are bidding over Batman's secret identity]'' :'''Two-Face''': $500,000 :'''Penguin''': Poof. Chicken feed. I'll bet a million! :'''Two-Face''': ''TWO'' Million! :'''Strange''': I have two million. Do I hear three? :'''Joker''': Hold it, hold it, HOLD IT! :'''Two-Face''': Get outta my face, clown! :'''Joker''': Which one? :''[An angered Two-Face is about to attack Joker, but Penguin intervenes]'' :'''Penguin''': Gentlemen, it behooves us not to fight amongst ourselves. :'''Joker''': Well put, sardine breath! I think we should ''pool'' our resources on this. $51,240,685! ''[gets out a little coin purse, and pours out some coins]'' And uh, 53 cents. :'''Strange''': Sold! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Strange''': Joker, please! I was set up! Bruce Wayne is Batman! :'''Two-Face''': That's absurd! I know Bruce Wayne. If he's Batman, I'm the King of England! :'''Joker''': And people say I'M crazy! ===''Heart Of Steel Part 1'' [1.38]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': And who's your little friend? :''[Barbara takes a teddy bear out of her purse]'' :'''Barbara Gordon''': Oh, this is Wubby. I've had him forever. Dad won't pick me up at the airport without bringing him along. :'''Commissioner Gordon''': ''[blushing]'' Well... he knows the way better than I do. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': ''[After learning about the AI project]'' Sounds as if the human race could become quite expendable, except for butlers, of course. :'''Batman''': Of course. ===''Heart Of Steel Part 2'' [1.39]=== :'''Randa''': You have immobilized the maker. :'''[[w:HARDAC|HARDAC]]''': His human imperfection endangers the plan. He must be improved upon. <hr width="50%"/> :'''HARDAC''': The maker's concept was sound, but he did not go far enough - which is why I have taken over. ===''If You're So Smart, Why Aren't You Rich?'' [1.40]=== :'''[[w:Riddler|Edward Nygma]]''': ''[Being cheated out of the sales of his game]'' You are a fool, Mockridge, to think you can get away with this! Your amoral greed is no match for an intellect like mine! :'''Mockridge''': Oh, yeah? Then tell me something, Eddie: if you're so smart, why aren't you ''rich?'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman reprograms the Hand of Fate, and uses it to carry himself and Robin to the centre of the maze]'' :'''Riddler''': That is grand-scale CHEATING, Batman! You're not allowed to tamper with the Hand of Fate! :'''Batman''': I don't believe in fate! :'''Riddler''': You probably don't believe in Minotaurs either, but you'll still have to answer the Riddle. :'''Minotaur Robot''': ''I have billions of eyes, yet I live in darkness. I have millions of ears, yet only four lobes. I have no muscles, yet I move two hemispheres. What am I?'' :'''Batman''': ''[pauses in thought]'' That's simple: the human brain. ''[The Minotaur backs away]'' It has billions of optic and auditory nerves, four lobes and two hemispheres, and it's the only thing Edward Nygma respects. :'''Riddler''': A lucky guess, that's all! But it won't save you, Batman! ''[to the Minotaur]'' DESTROY THEM! ===''Joker's Wild'' [1.41]=== :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[as Joker changes the channel in the TV]'' Hey, I was watching that! :'''Joker''': And now you're watching this! :'''Poison Ivy''': Change it back! :'''Joker''': Nope, nope, nope, nope, don't want to. :'''Poison Ivy''': Guard! :'''Security Guard''': What's the problem? :'''Joker''': Don't look now, Sonny Jim, but the plant lady's gone whackers again. :'''Poison Ivy''': He started it! I was just sitting here! :'''Joker''': That's right, you're always blaming me. And the children wonder why we fight! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...the Joker's Wild! :''[Cameron Kaiser cuts the ribbon and unveils a casino with a gigantic Joker head. He is seen spoken to by Summer Gleeson]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': Ugh, that is disgusting! :'''Cameraman''': Psst, Summer! We're on the air! :'''Summer Gleeson''': ''[mortified]'' Oh! Uh... there you have it! Let's get a reaction from the guests. Mr. Wayne? :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[equally nauseated]'' No comment. :'''Summer Gleeson''': Mr. Kaiser, why build a casino seemingly in honor of one of history's most notorious outlaws? :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Summer, please! Wild Joker is a classic symbol, long associated with cards and games. I can't help it if there's a some passing resemblance to some criminal fruitcake. :''[An enraged Joker smashes the television]'' :'''Joker''': How dare that smug, preening fool try to cash in on ''MY'' image! :'''Poison Ivy''': Now who should lighten up? :'''Joker''': Don't get cute with me, Red. He's ripping me off! I'll protest! Yeah! I'll sue! Then I'll rip his lungs out! And I will, too! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': It was a scheme worthy of ''me'', Kaiser, the way you got me riled up and turned me loose on this place! :'''Cameron Kaiser''': You...! You were supposed to destroy the casino! :'''Joker''': Yeah, but then I realized it'd be more fun to get rid of you and run the show myself! :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Bu-But you can't...! :'''Joker''': Oh please, Mr. Kaiser! You of all people should have realized there'd be a Joker in the deck! ''[laughs]'' ===''Tyger Tyger'' [1.42]=== :'''Dorian''': I want to test Tygrus' reflexes and feral strength, and who better to pit him against than you? I'll give you a generous head start before I release Tygrus. If you defeat him, I shall relinquish this, the antigen to reverse Catwoman's mutation. :'''Batman''': How do I know you'll keep your word? :'''Dorian''': You don't. The clock is ticking, Batman. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': So you ''can'' talk. :'''Tygrus''': My father taught me. :'''Batman''': Your father was a test tube. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': Batman! The antidote! I'll be stuck like this forever! :'''Tygrus''': Would that be so bad? You could stay here, with me. :'''Catwoman''': Oh, Tygrus... I can't live like this, I have to be human again. :'''Tygrus''': ''[sadly, taking her hands in his]'' Goodbye, Selina. :''[As he leaves, Catwoman sees that he has given here the serum. She looks overjoyed, then calls out to him]'' :'''Catwoman''': Wait - won't you come with us? There's nothing for you here. :'''Tygrus''': There's nothing for me anywhere. ''[disappears into the falling rain]'' :'''Batman''': ''[in voiceover]'' "[[w:The Tyger|Tyger Tyger burning bright, in the forests of the night: what immortal hand or eye, dare frame thy fearful symmetry?]]" ===''Moon Of The Wolf'' [1.43]=== :'''Professor Milo''': What you're suffering from is an early stage of lycanthropy, more commonly known as werewolfism; for that I have no treatment. However, advanced werewolfism can be cured. :'''Anthony Romulus''': ''[after a wolf howls, Anthony starts transforming]'' Ohhh, you fool! There's no telling what the werewolf might do! :'''Professor Milo''': Hey, ask me if I care. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Do me a favour, shaggy: stay down! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bullock''': No trace of Wolfie! We checked the shoreline for miles! But in four weeks, there's another full moon. Then we'll know for sure. ===''Day Of The Samurai'' [1.44]=== :''[Batman swoops away after rescuing his Sensei's student, Kairi]'' :'''Kairi''': ''[In Japanese]'' Spirit of the bat... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yoru''': If you see Batman, tell him I have great respect for him. :'''Bruce''': Why? He's as much a ninja as Kyodai was. :'''Yoru''': Not so. Batman offered to help his adversary, and a lesser man would have used the secrets of the Onemuri touch against his opponent. Batman is the essence of samurai, Wayne-san. You would do well to remember that. :'''Bruce''': ''[bows]'' Domo arigato, sensei. ===''Terror In The Sky'' [1.45]=== :'''Batman''': Reports of a huge bat creature the size of a man. Remind you of anybody? :'''Alfred''': Present company excluded? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You couldn't leave it alone, could you, March? You've recreated the mutagen. :'''March''': ''[aiming a tranquilizer rifle at him]'' Recreated it? I've ''refined'' it! At night, on my own, so the others wouldn't know. I still believe only a creature like a Man-Bat can survive the next evolutionary cataclysm - and it will! My new serum could be even more powerful than Kirk's! :'''Batman''': ''[after disarming March]'' "''Could'' be"? What do you mean? :'''March''': I needed to test it, but before I had the chance-- :'''Batman''': ''[clearly surprised]'' You mean you ''haven't'' taken it? :'''March''': Of course not! The experimental batch was destroyed. I'll have to-- :'''Batman''': Destroyed? How? :'''March''': I'd been working through the night. I was just completing the final combination. ''[remembers incident at his lab as he drops the beaker of mutagen upon Francine's surprise entry]'' Francine burst in. I was startled. You have to understand I was very tired, I accidentally dropped the beaker. The whole night's work, ruined! Francine never guessed what I was doing, she even helped me clean up the mess. All that... glass! ''[recalls Francine licking her finger after it is pricked by a small shard of glass]'' Oh... oh, my lord... Francine! The mutagen - it's in ''her'' bloodstream now! ''[breaks down at his folly as Batman loads a tranquilizer into a pistol of his and then gives March the formula paperwork]'' :'''Batman''': Is ''that'' what it's going to take? Your daughter's life, before you end this insanity? :''[Later that night, March burns the files]'' ===''Almost Got 'Im'' [1.46]=== :'''Joker''': I want a nice clean game, gentlemen. :'''Penguin''': That'll be a first. So, I hear 'you-know-who' nailed the Mad Hatter last week. :'''Joker''': No kidding. He sure gets around for one guy. :'''Two-Face''': Yeah, well that's where you're wrong. I don't think it IS one guy. :'''[[w:Killer Croc|Killer Croc]]''': Huh? :'''Two-Face''': The way I figure it, Gordon's got a bunch of 'em stashed someplace like a SWAT team. He wants you to think it's one guy, but- :'''Joker''': Meh. You're always seeing double. :'''Penguin''': It's obvious our caped friend suffered some crime-related trauma when he was younger. Perhaps an over-anxious mugger blew off a piece of his face. :'''Joker''': Sure! He could be all gross and disgusting under that mask! ''[as Two-Face crushes a milk carton]'' Uh, no offense, Harv. :'''Two-Face''': Just deal. :'''Killer Croc''': Well, ya know what ''I'' think? :'''Joker''': Not the robot theory again... :'''Killer Croc''': Well, he COULD be. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Two-Face''': Poison Ivy... :'''Poison Ivy''': It's been a long time Harvey. You're still looking...halfway decent. :'''Two-Face''': Half of me wants to strangle ya. :'''Poison Ivy''': And what's the other part want? :'''Two-Face''': To hit you with a truck! :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[to the others]'' We used to date. :'''Penguin/Joker''': Ah. ===''Birds Of A Feather'' [1.47]=== :'''[[w:Penguin (comics)|Penguin]]''': Say, who's there? Two-Face? Croc? Joker, old shoe? :'''Batman''': None of the above, Penguin. :'''Penguin''': Oh no, not you... :'''Batman''': Get used to it. Wherever you go, I'll be right behind you. :'''Penguin''': Precisely where you belong. But you needn't bother. Haven't you heard? I've reformed. Paid my debt to society, and all that. :'''Batman''': We'll see. I just came to tell you to keep your beak clean. :'''Penguin''': ''[grabs a can of rat poison]'' As long as you're here, won't you stay for a cappuccino? :''[Batman gives him an annoyed look before leaving]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Batman defeats a gang of thugs threatening the Penguin and Veronica]'' :'''Batman''': I knew you couldn't stay clean for more than one day. :'''Veronica''': Let him go! He didn't do anything. It was those brutes! :'''Batman''': ''[genuinely surprised]'' He wasn't with them? :'''Penguin''': That's right, you vulgar vigilante! In my day, I associated with a much higher class of riff-raff! :'''Veronica''': I'm so sorry, Ozzie. :'''Penguin''': As long as you weren't bruised, my peach. ''[kisses her hand]'' :'''Batman''': "Peach"? :'''Penguin''': Why don't you be a good masked man and ride off into the night? This time, ''I'll'' clean up after ''you.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Veronica''': Please, Oswald! If it's money you want, I can get you more! :'''Penguin''': ''SHUT UP!'' All I wanted from ''you'', dearie, was a little friendship. That would have cost you ''nothing.'' But now you'll pay! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Veronica''': Oswald? I really was growing fond of you. It's too bad this had to happen. :'''Penguin''': ''[coldly]'' I suppose it's true what they say: society is to blame. ''High'' society. ===''What Is Reality?'' [1.48]=== :'''Batman''': "Where does a 500 pound gorilla sleep?" "What's worse than a millipede with flat feet?" "How do you stuff five elephants into a compact car?" :'''Alfred''': Anywhere it wants, a giraffe with a sore throat, and two in the front seat, two in the back, and one in the trunk. :'''Batman''': Yeah, yeah. I know, I know. Any schoolboy knows those. But brain teasers are the Riddler's M.O. Not corny old jokes like these. :'''Alfred''': Perhaps the questions are the clues, not the answers. For example, they all seem to involve animals. :'''Batman''': Also numbers. A ''500'' pound gorilla. A millipede, meaning a thousand legs. And five elephants. Now let's convert them to Roman numerals. ''[he does, revealing the letters DMV]'' Look! :'''Alfred''': DMV... :'''Batman and Alfred''': Department of Motor Vehicles! :'''Alfred''': But I recall you mentioning he'd already obliterated his records there, so why return? :'''Batman''': For the hard copy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no tales. :'''Batman''': Another riddle, Nygma? :''[Four quarters and a single penny emerge from the return change chute]'' :'''Riddler''': It all makes sense when you add it up! :''[In the Batmobile]'' :'''Alfred''': Four quarters and a penny, sir? :'''Batman''': Penny... Penny... Cent... Red cent... Copper. It's made of copper. :'''Alfred''': And "copper" is another word for a policeman. :'''Batman''': And "no tails" would be heads. Police head... Quarters! :'''Alfred''': Police Headquarters. Bravo, sir! It does make "cents" when you add it up! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': He can't be online! I searched through every file. :'''Riddler''': You searched the software. Had you bothered to examine the hardware you would have discovered a cordless modem line. :'''Riddler''': A pity you can't earn extra lives in this game.Quite an experience being riddled with questions, isn't it, Batman :'''Robin''': Batman don't open that door Crazy Intent means Loco Motion! Batman finds himself on a chessboard: :'''Riddler''':Only Batman can put the King in check and you have to move according to the rules or its the end of the day :'''Robin''':They call you the dark Knight..so you have to move like a knight (If Batman fails to move as a knight it'll be "KNightfall" (!) :'''Riddler''':Careful, vigilante, you know what they say, "Curiosity killed the Bat". :'''Batman''': Can you solve it? :'''Robin''': Are you kidding? You're looking at the guy who solved the Baxter's Box puzzle in 37 seconds! Course, this time I don't have a sledge hammer... After escaping Riddler Virtual realty Traps, Batman tries to rescue Gordon from Riddler :'''Batman''': You may control this world, Nygma, but I still control myself! :'''Riddler''': The name is "Riddler"! Edward Nygma doesn't exist anymore! You may recall that he was once fired by an ungrateful employer! That was a private matter and was meant to remain one! :'''Batman''': Attempted homicide is never a "private matter", Nygma! :'''Riddler''': No, but it would have been if you hadn't interfered and turned Edward Nygma into a fugitive! So I deleted Nygma. Just as I'm about to delete you, Batman. :'''Batman''':Tell me this.. Riddler how can you spread your conscious thirty-two times..and still have the concentration to keep your world together? YOU CAN'T! Batman saves Gordon :'''Riddler''': No....NO..... I can escape that easy...but if the Planet was equitable...I'd still have my old Job....No...wait...I'M ...not Ready.....AHHHHH' :'''Gordon''': But we'll never find him :'''Batman''': I think he left us a clue..."If the planet were equitable, I'd still have my old job". :'''Robin''': Of course. If the "World's Fair," I'd still have my "Ex-position". Oh, give me a break. [Batman, Robin and Gordon find Riddler mind trapped in his virtual realty world] :'''Batman''': Looks like he didn't escape his virtual reality in time. :'''Robin''': You mean he's been trapped inside his own program? :'''Batman''': Could be and how to get him out may be a riddle no one can solve. ===''I Am The Night'' [1.49]=== :'''Batman''': A weary body can be dealt with. But a weary spirit? That's something else. Sometimes, old friend, I wonder if I'm really doing any good out there. :'''Alfred''': How can you doubt it? The lives you've saved, the criminals you've brought to justice-- :'''Batman''': I've put out a few fires, yes. Won a few battles. But the war goes on, Alfred. On and on... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Leslie Thompkins''': You seem quieter than usual tonight. :'''Batman''': Every year, I come here and wonder if it should be the last time. If I should put the past behind me, try to lead a normal life. :'''Dr. Thompkins''': [[George Santayana|Santayana]] says, "Those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it." :'''Batman''': He also said a fanatic is someone who redoubles his efforts while losing sight of his goal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I chose this life. I use the night - I ''became'' the night. Sooner or later, I'll go down. It might be the Joker, or Two-Face, or just some punk who gets lucky. My decision, no regrets. But I can't let anyone else pay for my mistakes. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': "[[Friedrich Nietzsche|When you look too long into the abyss, the abyss looks back through you.]]" Maybe it's time for Batman to return to the night that spawned him, before anyone else gets hurt! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[grabs Wizard]'' Up to your old tricks, I see. How about returning that suitcase to its owner? :'''Wizard''': Hey, man, I ''am'' the owner. :''[Batman, surprised, lets him go]'' :'''Wizard''': Y'know, I was kinda hoping I'd run into you. I'd been in those places like where you left me before. Heard the rap, wasn't impressed. But this time, it made sense. Maybe I was ready to hear it. So I'm heading back home. I guess I kinda owe it to you, Batman. You probably saved my life. I'll bet you hear this all the time. Look, I'm gonna miss my bus, I'll see you around. And... thanks. :''[Batman smiles as he watches Wizard leave]'' ===''Off Balance'' [1.50]=== :'''[[w:Talia al Ghul|Talia]]''': My contact lenses! I lost them when we fell! They counter the distortion effect. Without them, I'm as helpless as you. :'''Batman''': I don't do helpless. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Ra's al Ghul|Ra's al Ghul]]''': So even in defeat, the detective manages to achieve some small measure of victory. As you said, detective: this is not over. ===''The Man Who Killed Batman'' [1.51]=== :'''Joker''': You know, there's just one thing bothering me about your story, Sid. No body. No BATUS DELECTI so to speak. We need to pull a job tonight just to make sure. :'''Murphy, Joker's henchman''': Make sure what, boss? :'''Joker''': ''[surprised by Murphy's question]'' Why that old Batsy's bought the cave of course, and one more thing Murphy.....''[turning more annoyed]'' don't ask stupid questions. ''[pushes Murphy to the hyenas who scratch and lick him crazily, to Joker's satisfaction]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': I'll get the mop. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': When the cops come, stall them for awhile, just until Batman arrives. '' Got it?'' :'''Henchman''': Right, boss. :'''Joker''': ''[to Murphy, still scarred from the hyenas]'' Any questions, Murph? :'''Murphy''': No sir! :'''Joker''': ''[to Sid The Squid]'' Good man. And if Batman hasn't ''really'' gone to his final reward, ''we'll'' see that he gets there! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Dear friends... today is the day the Clown cried. And he cries not for the passing of one man, but for the death of a dream. The dream that he would someday taste the ultimate victory over his hated enemy. For it was the Batman who made me the happy soul I am today. How I agonized over the perfect way to thank him for that. Perhaps with a cyanide pie in the face. Or an exploding whoopie-cushion playfully planted in the Batmobile. But those dreams were dashed by the weaselly little gunsel sitting there in our midst. The cowardly insignificant gonif who probably got lucky when Batman slipped on the slime trail this loser left behind him. This mound of diseased hyena filth who's not fit to lick the dirt from my spats...! But I digress. The time for sorrow has passed. It's time to look to a future filled with smiles. And I'll be smiling again just as soon as we take that man THERE...and slap him in that box THERE...and roll him into that vat of acid THERE! Well that was fun...who's for Chinese?! ===''Mudslide'' [1.52]=== :'''Clayface''': ''[After civilians flee in terror upon seeing his true form]'' That's right, run! Run for your measly lives! Run from Clayface! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Clayface''': You've upstaged me for the last time, Batman. Time to bring down the curtain! ===''Paging The Crime Doctor'' [1.53]=== :'''Rupert Thorne''': You think you iced the Batman, huh? Heh heh heh... Not on your best day, Jake! I'd cover my back if I were you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce Wayne''': Bruce Wayne, Dr. Thorne. Thomas Wayne's son. Did you get my letter? :'''[[w:Joseph Campanella|Matthew Thorne]]''': Yes. Thomas Wayne... :'''Bruce Wayne''': I told you I can help with your legal costs, maybe even put in a good word with the judge. :'''Matthew Thorne''': Yes, but what do you get out of it? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Well, there is something you can do for me. :'''Matthew Thorne''': I knew it! I knew there'd be a catch. Sorry, Mr. Wayne. Matthew Thorne is no longer for sale! :'''Bruce Wayne''': I'm not looking for any illegal favors. :'''Matthew Thorne''': What then? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Something you know. Something only you can give me. ''[pause]'' Tell me about my father. :''[Dr. Thorne grins and camera pans out as he ushers Bruce to resume his seat]'' ===''Zatanna'' [1.54]=== :'''[[w:Zatanna|Zatanna]]''': What do you care about some leggy dame in nylons- or have I just answered my own question? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zatanna''': ''[About Batman's mask]'' What happened that made you put this on? :'''Batman''': A painful memory, and a promise. ===''The Mechanic'' [1.55]=== :'''The Penguin''': ''[furious at his men for stealing the wrong stamps by mistake]'' These are terrible! Terrible! :'''Eagleton''': ''[indignant]'' Come on, boss. Give me a break. We got you the stamps. What more do you want? :'''The Penguin''': ''[tossing the worthless stamps angrily]'' I wanted the rare ones! The reversed Audubons! These aren't worth enough to pay for the repairs to the limousine. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Earl Cooper''': ''[sees the damaged Batmobile]'' You been letting the kid drive again? :'''Robin''': Ha ha. Actually we were playing chicken with a penguin. :'''Batman''': Or three of his men. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Penguin is scrubbing license plates in prison]'' :'''Penguin''': ''[reading one]'' "1 BAT 4U"?! ''[breaks it in anger]'' ===''Harley and Ivy'' [1.56]=== :'''Joker''': NO, we didn't get the diamond! The Dork Knight showed up before we even got to the museum! I had a great shot at him, too. Except... my dear little Harley Quinn handed me the wrong gun! :'''Harley Quinn''': But puddin', it was kinda funny watching you shoot at him with the bang flag! ''[Rocco and Henshaw can't help laughing then stifle it as the Joker glares at them]'' :'''Joker''': ''[turning back to Harley]'' Funny? You presume to tell me what I should think is funny?!? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[Poison Ivy trips the alarm, spoiling and hers and Harley Quinn's separate robberies]'' Nice going, butterfingers! Why not turn on the Bat-Signal while you're at it? :'''Poison Ivy''': I wasn't TRYING to get caught! :'''Harley Quinn''': Could've fooled me! Hey, aren't you that plant lady Poison Oakie? :'''Poison Ivy''': Ivy! Poison IVY, not Oakie! :'''Harley Quinn''': Sorry! Harley Quinn, please to meet ya! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Poison Ivy is about to give an injection to Harley Quinn]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': I hate shots! I hate shots! :'''Poison Ivy''': Now, now. You're not immune to poison like I am, and you won't last ten minutes here in Toxic Acres without my antidote. ''[gives the injection]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': Oooh! Whew, you'd think after livin' with Mr. J, I'd be used to a little pain. :'''Poison Ivy''': Why do you put up with that clown? :'''Harley Quinn''': Don't get me wrong. My puddin's a little rough sometimes, but he loves me, really. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[sarcastically]'' Sure he does. You're just one big, forgiving doormat, aren't you? :'''Harley Quinn''': I am NOT a doormat! ...Am I? :'''Poison Ivy''': If you had a middle name, it would be Welcome. But cheer up, kid. You just need some lessons in good old female self-esteem. In other words, let's play with the boys on ''our'' terms. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': That should keep you big strong men busy while we weak little girls loot your trophy room. :'''Harley Quinn''': Gee, Ives, you got style! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[sighs softly]'' No offense, Ives, but I'm not very hungry. Somehow I don't feel like my old perky self. Something's missing. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[angrily slams her form on Harley's plate]'' Will you stop?! I can't believe you're still mooning over that psychotic creep! :'''Harley Quinn''': Well, maybe I'd feel better if I knew he missed me, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': HARLEY!!! This place is going to blinking blue blazes! Anybody seen my socks?! '''HARLEY!!!''' ''[the hyenas snarl at Joker]'' OH!! They snapped at me! What's going on, Rock? This place is a mess, no one's fed the hyenas and I can't find my socks! Where's Harley?! :'''Rocko''': Y-y-ya canned her, boss. Remember? :'''Joker''': So? She's always come back before. :'''Rocko''': Gee... I guess ya ain't seen the papers then. :'''Joker''': Papers?! What are you babbling about?! ''[snatches the newspaper from Rocko and reads an article of Harley's partnership with Poison Ivy]'' '''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!''''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[to Poison Ivy]'' I remember when I would go driving like this with Mr. J. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[imitating Harley Quinn]'' "Mr. J, Mr. J." Oh, change the record, Harl! You wanna be some wacko's victim the rest of your life?! ===''Shadow Of The Bat Part 1'' [1.57]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[indignant after reading about James Gordon's arrest]'' We'll see about this. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara Gordon]]''': So Batman can't help me? Fine. Let's see what Batgirl can do! ===''Shadow Of The Bat Part 2'' [1.58]=== :'''Two-Face''': Don't get wise with me, Mason. Remember who got you set up as Gordon's assistant? :'''Gil Mason''': Right, Harvey, right. :'''Two-Face''': ''[grabs him]'' Don't call me that! It's TWO-FACE to you, pretty boy! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I should've known it would be Two-Face. It's a perfect two-part plan. He consolidates the gangs while Mason takes over the police. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Gil Mason is about to murder James Gordon to become commissioner, and later mayor]'' :'''Gil Mason''': It's business, Jim. Nothing personal. Matter of fact, I respect you, I do. But a fellow has to take his opportunities where he finds them. And with you out of the way, I'll be mayor inside of a year! :'''Gordon''': You're SICK, Gil! ''[glances at Two-Face]'' A lot sicker than him! At least I can see his bad half! :'''Mason''': Sorry you feel that way. At least you won't have to worry about Barbara. I'll take good care of her. She's very fond of me, you know. :'''Gordon''': You piece of scum! I may not be able to stop you, but I know someone who will! :'''Mason''': I wouldn't get your hopes up. You see, there's been a recent decline in the bat population... ===''Blind As A Bat'' [1.59]=== :'''Penguin''': Your aim appears to be a little off today, Batman. I don't think you could hit the broad side of a barn, let alone the broad side of this bird! You're blind as a bat. Sightless and helpless. :'''Batman''': You've got ''one'' right. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': You have a call on your private line. :'''Bruce''': Then let's go! :'''Alfred''': In your condition, sir? :'''Bruce''': If you think a little inconvenience like this is going to stop me... :''[he knocks over a lamp]'' :'''Alfred''': Indeed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': ''[contacting Mayor Hill's office from the Raven]'' Quite a machine, this Raven. Amazing what its communications equipment can do. Don't you agree? You've received my instructions? :'''Mayor Hill''': They arrived by messenger this morning. You know, one-hundred million is a a lot of money. It'll take time to raise that much. :'''Penguin''': You're stalling, Hill. Obviously, you're not taking me seriously. I've warned you not to make that mistake. Apparently, I'll have to show you why. :''[shuts off communication and Hill angrily snaps his pencil in half]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Hill''': Just what I was afraid of. According to the controller's office, we can't come close to putting that ransom together. Not without shutting down basic municipal services. :'''Detective Bullock''': So what other options do we got? :'''Batman''': ''[emerging from the shadows]'' None, gentlemen. Which is why you're going to do exactly what the Penguin wants you to. ===''The Demon's Quest Part 1'' [1.60]=== :'''Ra's al Ghul''': As [[W:Napoleon|Napoleon]] told me, "A strong will can fuel a frail physique." <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Look at it, detective. One of the last of the rainforests. The world depends upon its oxygen, yet the rich see only profit in its destruction. You, who belong to the overclass, have much to answer for. :'''Batman''': Bruce Wayne donates millions of dollars a year to preserve these forests. :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Which are being depleted at the rate of 120,000 acres a day. Does your money solve this problem? No! It will take more than wealth. It will take power, and I fear, ruthlessness. Humankind must be forced to serve the planet instead of its own appetites. :'''Batman''': And you're the one who'll do the forcing? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': I am... qualified, yes. But I may not have sufficient lifetimes left to me. ===''The Demon's Quest Part 2'' [1.61]=== :'''Ubu''': Infidel! :'''Batman''': If you only knew how sick I am of you calling me that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ra's al Ghul''': The material of the Pit is an unknown chemical stew that bubbles to the Earth's surface only in certain key places. Even now, my people are placing bombs, such as that one, over the various Lazarus Pits around the world. These bombs are electronically linked to a private satellite already in Earth orbit. :'''Batman''': ''Orpheus''. :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Precisely. And at the moment when sun and moon are in proper alignment to cause the greatest upheaval in Earth's geomagnetic field, I shall send a signal to that satellite, beginning a countdown. Five minutes thereafter, one bomb will be lowered deep into the heart of each Pit. The satellite will in turn relay a microwave signal that will detonate all the bombs simultaneously. The multiple explosions will result in a global chain reaction. All the Lazarus Pits throughout the world will overflow. The globe will be saturated with their chemical solution, and when the resultant cataclysm has abated, there will come a blessed peace, and this poor, defiled planet shall find itself restored to its former pristine glory. :'''Batman''': But that will cost countless lives! :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Actually, Detective, we ''have'' counted: Two billion, fifty-six million, nine hundred and eighty-six thousand! A most impressive plan, would you not agree? :'''Batman''': Yes... I can see it clearly now for the first time. You are completely out of your mind. ===''His Silicon Soul'' [1.62]=== :'''Rossum''': You don't understand. You're not a man's mind in a robot's body. You're a robot. Period. :'''Bat-Duplicant''': You're lying! It's not possible! I know my family and friends! I remember names, faces, birthdays! I have memories! A past! :'''Rossum''': You have information. Data. Nothing more. Do you remember your first kiss? Your favorite song? The last time you tasted a really good steak? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[about the duplicant]'' Could it be it had a soul, Alfred? A soul of silicon, but a soul nonetheless. ===''Fire From Olympus'' [1.63]=== :'''Stavros''': Please! It's not what you think. I wasn't going to say anything. Honest! :'''[[w:Maxie Zeus|Maximillion "Maxie" Zeus]]''': Silence! First, you transgress against me. Then, you force me to descend to the mortal plane. And now, you tell me I know not what I think?! :'''Stavros''': No! :'''Zeus''': To the depths of Tartarus with you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zeus''': You bore me with these tales of petty human concerns. :'''Clio''': ''[annoyed]'' You're doing it again, Max. :'''Zeus''': You are Clio, my muse of history. Amuse me with tales of ancient times when mortals trembled at the name of Zeus. :'''Clio''': You want a story? I got one. Seems there was this guy named Max who, because he'd been lucky so far in the smuggling racket, believed himself to be untouchable, superior, godlike... :'''Zeus''': There's a cynical edge to your voice I don't appreciate. Know you not, I am above mortal constraints of right and wrong? :'''Clio''': No one is above the law, Max. :'''Zeus''': I make my own laws! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zeus''': Begone, Lord [[w:Hades|Hades]]. Get thee back to thine own realm. Do not come again to Olympus until bidden! :'''Batman''': I think I get the message. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Clio''': ''[telling Batman about Zeus]'' He wasn't always this way, you know. But then business got bad and he started handling cargo for the mob. After a while, with the pressure, the tension... things got confused. He's not living in the real world anymore. ''[awkwardly]'' Maybe you can relate to that? :'''Batman''': ''[after a short silence]'' You're the only one who can get me close enough to help him - while some of the man you knew still exists. ===''Read My Lips'' [1.64]=== :'''Batman''': How do you think I found this place? The phone book? I had help. ''Inside'' help. :'''[[w:Ventriloquist (comics)|Scarface]]''': My premonition! I knew I was right! Which one of you louses is it?! :'''Rhino''': It ain't me boss! :'''Scarface''': I know it ain't you, Rhino! You're too stupid to be a traitor! :'''Rhino''': Thanks, boss. :'''Scarface''': But whoever it is, they're gonna pay big time! Who is it?! You don't talk, you get the ultimate massage! :'''Batman''': And if I tell? :'''Scarface''': Maybe you just get run over by a truck. :'''Batman''': Tempting, but no. :'''Scarface''': Have it your way. Rhino! :''[Rhino gets ready to pull the lever to lower Batman to a pit of mannequins with razor-sharp fingernails]'' :'''Batman''': Hold it! :'''Scarface''': This is gettin' old, Bats. Last chance, who's the traitor? :'''Batman''': Him! The Ventriloquist! :''[everyone glares at the Ventriloquist]'' :'''Ventriloquist''': No, no! He's lying! I told you when he came into my room! :'''Scarface''': So what? Maybe you did 'cause I had ya cornered. Heard ya talkin' to Batman. :'''Batman''': ''[uses his own ventriloquism to imitate the Ventriloquist]'' Shut up, you blockhead! :'''Scarface''': WHAT DID YOU SAY?! :'''Ventriloquist''': It wasn't me! I didn't say that! My lips didn't move! :'''Scarface''': So what?! You're a ventriloquist! You're also a lyin' yellow liver-bellied two-face! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, Scarface! I'm loyal! I'd never! :'''Batman''': He's been feeding me information, in return for legal protection. ''[imitates the Ventriloquist again]'' You're going up the river, sawdust-for-brains! :'''Scarface''': Why, I oughta...! Waste the floor-flusher! Come on, I gave an order! ICE HIM! DO IT! DO IT NOW! :'''Muggsy''': But, boss, we ventilate the Ventriloquist, your, y'know... :'''Scarface''': I'M SURROUNDED BY TRAITORS! Okay, fine. Ya want something done right, do it yourself! ''[aims his gun at the Ventriloquist]'' ===''The Worry Men'' [1.65]=== :'''Veronica''': If ever someone led a worry-free life, it's you, Bruce Wayne. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce''': Tell me, Alfred: what's an ancient Mayan witch doctor doing on a Gotham skyscraper? :'''Alfred''': This isn't one of those Riddler questions, is it? :'''Bruce''': No, but it's just as confusing. <hr width="50%"/> :''[As Batman attempts to escape from his guillotine]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Oh, you're a clever one! But I will not be denied! As the great [[w:Lewis Carroll|Lewis Carroll]] said: "[[w:Jabberwocky|One, two, one, two, and through and through the vorpal blade went snicker-snack! He left it dead, and with its head, he went galumphing back!]]" <hr width="50%"/> :''[Freed from his mind control, the Mad Hatter's jaguar gang turn on him]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Stop! :'''Shaman''': Yes, stop. Leave him to the police. :'''Mad Hatter''': Thank you. Thank you, you generous, forgiving, ''[draws a gun from his hat]'' noble fool! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': I must say, after all the Hatter put him through, that fellow showed remarkable restraint. :'''Bruce''': When everything was said and done, all the shaman really wanted was to go home. In fact, I hear he even sent the Hatter a farewell gift. :''[The Hatter is seen tossing and turning in bed in Arkham]'' :'''Bruce''': Something to ensure that Jervis Tetch only dreams of a good honest life from now on. :''[A Batman doll is revealed from under the Hatter's pillow]'' ==Season 2== ===''Sideshow'' [2.1]=== :'''Killer Croc''': You know, there's something the brains back at the joint didn't think about. :'''Prison Guard''': Yeah, what's that? :'''Killer Croc''': Crocodile's got the strongest jaws of any animal around. ''[bites his handcuffs in half]'' :'''Prison Guard''': ''[spits the coffee out of his mouth and pins Croc with the shotgun]'' Get back! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman arrives with his shadow. Goliath wakes up and Batman covers Goliath's mouth by calming him down]'' :'''Batman''': Calm down, I won't hurt you. I'm just looking for someone: half man, half crocodile. ''[Goliath looks over worriedly]'' He's in there, isn't he? :'''Goliath''': ''[Pushes Batman to the cage]'' No! Stay away! ''[Holds him against it]'' He's one of us. Croc, run! :'''Batman''': ''[Kicks Goliath into the stomach]'' I don't wanna hurt you. :'''Goliath''': Don't worry, you won't. ''[Hits Batman with the big punch and Batman and Goliath starts fighting]'' :'''Killer Croc''': ''[Comes out of the house]'' You. ''[Gives Batman a spear]'' :'''Billy''': Richard, help! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Billy the Seal Boy''': Why, Croc? Why'd you turn on us like that? We could have helped you, we could have done something. :'''Killer Croc''': You said you can be yourself out here, remember? Well, I guess that's what I was doing - being myself. ===''A Bullet For Bullock'' [2.2]=== :'''Bullock''': Let's get something straight from the get-go. I think you're a freak and a menace, and those are your ''good'' points. But the commish says you serve a purpose, so I go along. :'''Batman''': I appreciate your honesty. What's the problem? :'''Bullock''': Somebody's got it in for me. Tried to give me a fender massage last night. It ain't the first time. Last week too. :'''Batman''': Any suspects? :'''Bullock''': So many, they could have their own zip code. I've put a lot of guys away, and they hate me for it. Looks like one of them hates me enough to do something about it. :'''Batman''': Why me? Why not just go to the department? :'''Bullock''': I step on a lot of toes. I don't want Internal Affairs looking at me too close. They might find some things I don't want found. :'''Batman''': Are you on the take? :'''Bullock''': Watch it, freak! I never took a dime from nobody! I just bend the rules a little sometimes, you understand. We're not all that different. :'''Batman''': We're on the same side, but we're ''not'' the same. I'll help you find out who's after you, but you've got to collar them clean. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': We ''are'' speaking of the same person, are we not? Harvey Bullock? The detective who looks like an unmade bed? :'''Batman''': The same. :'''Alfred''': He came to ''you'' for help? It must be serious. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Montoya''': Bullock? You okay? You don't look so good. I mean, you never look good, but today you look worse. :'''Bullock''': After fifteen years working in this cesspool, I'd like to see how good ''you'' look! <hr width="50%"/> :''[In the Batmobile]'' :'''Bullock''': Nice starship you got here. What's this for? ''[points towards a button]'' :'''Batman''': Passenger ejector seat. :''[Bullock withdraws nervously, while Batman smirks slightly]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bullock''': By the way, I still think you're a freak, but... thanks. ===''Trial'' [2.3]=== :'''Two-Face''': Basic fifty-fifty option. You get him off, you both go free. He goes down, you take the fall with him. :'''Mad Hatter''': Amusing idea, what? Kidnapping you to be Batman's attorney? :'''Two-Face''': Personally, I suggested a quick slug between the eyes... but I lost the coin toss. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarface''': Court is now in session! The Good People of Arkham Asylum vs. the Self-Righteous Vigilante Called Batman! Our prosecutor is ready, likewise our fair and impartial jury. :'''Mad Hatter''': Hang him! :'''Harley''': Shoot him! :'''Killer Croc''': Hit him with a rock! :'''Scarface''': And now, all rise for the most honorable, most benevolent, most merciful Judge Joker! :'''Joker''': GUILTY! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I was promised a chance to defend my client! :'''Joker''': Oh, very well. Like it'll make a difference. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I suppose that you, like your friends, claim that Batman ''drove'' you to be a criminal? :'''Mad Hatter''': He did. :'''Janet Van Dorn''': And yet, as I recall in your case, you brainwashed and kidnapped a woman who rejected you. :'''Mad Hatter''': Batman forced me to do it! He was going to take her away from me! I had no choice! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': You could have respected her wishes and left her alone. :'''Mad Hatter''': I'D HAVE KILLED HER FIRST! ''[gasps and covers his mouth, then turns to the Joker]'' I'd like that last statement stricken from the record, please. :'''Joker''': Record? Is someone supposed to be writing this down? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': And so it's Batman's fault you lead a life of crime? :'''Poison Ivy''': He should have let me bump off Harvey Dent. We'd all have been better off - wouldn't we, Harv? :'''Two-Face''': ''[muttering while flipping his coin]'' Why, you rotten little... :'''Janet Van Dorn''': But Miss Isley, isn't the real motivation for your crimes your obsession with plants? That you prefer them to people? :'''Poison Ivy''': I love plants, honey, but a rose is a rose. :'''Janet Van Dorn''': Then it doesn't bother you when someone, let's say the judge here, ''[plucks the flower from the Joker's robe]'' ruthlessly ''plucks'' a defenceless flower from the warm green earth? :'''Poison Ivy''': No! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': Even knowing he's given it his death sentence? That its petals must die? ''[starts pulling its petals out]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': Stop it...! :'''Poison Ivy''': One by one, withering, falling. One by one till it's all gone, ''honey.'' :''[She crushes the flower so that it crumbles apart. Ivy shrieks with rage and attacks her, and the Scarecrow and Mad Hatter rush in to restrain her]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Miss Ivy, please! :'''Scarface''': You look beautiful when you're angry. :''[Ivy smacks the Ventriloquist in the face, and Scarface laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I used to believe Batman was responsible for you people. But now I see nearly everyone here would have ended up exactly the same, Batman or not. Oh, the gimmicks might be different, but you'd all be out there in some form or another bringing misery to Gotham. The truth is, ''you'' created ''him.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Well done, counsellor. You've proven that Batman ''didn't'' create us - that we, in fact, messed up our own rotten lives! And as we are so rotten, vile and depraved... we're going to waste you anyway! :''[The inmates cheer and close in on Batman and Janet]'' :'''Joker''': [[w:Porky Pig|A-bi-a-bi-a-bi, that's all, folks!]] ''[bangs down a rubber chicken]'' Let's mambo! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I see now there's a need for the things you do. But I'm still going to work towards a city that doesn't need Batman. :'''Batman''': ''[smiling]'' Me too. ===''Avatar'' [2.4]=== :'''Lucius Fox''': Without a doubt, this will be one of the best museum exhibitions Gotham City has ever seen. You can be quite the humanitarian on occasion, Bruce. It's commendable. It's inspiring. :'''Bruce''': It's deductible. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce''': You've got a serious priority problem, Ra's. What can be in that tomb that's more valuable than the love of your daughter? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Power, detective. The power once held by almighty Thoth-Khepera, Queen of Two Continents. :'''Bruce''': You surprise me, Ra's. The world's oldest chauvinist chasing after a woman? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Thoth-Khepera was not simply a woman, detective, nor merely a ruler. Through her flowed the power of the gods. With no more than a gesture, she controlled the force of life and death, and with it, she kept a nation under her thumb for one thousand years. :'''Bruce''': You sound like a bad Saturday afternoon serial, Ra's. This is sheer nonsense. :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': No, detective - I know there is a power there to be tapped! My six hundred years of life are proof of that power. :''[Bruce and Talia are trapped in a glass booth]'' :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Farewell, detective. Farewell, Talia. It is said that one finds one's immortality in one's offspring. Alas, I know that to be a lie. ===''House and Garden'' [2.5]=== :'''Batman''': She's done nothing more incriminating than return an overdue video - even paid the late fee. :'''Alfred''': Could it be Ivy truly has reformed? :'''Batman''': I want to believe it. Why can't I? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You haven't changed a bit. :'''Poison Ivy''': Yes, I have. I meant it when I said I wanted a family that loves me. I just wanted it on my terms. :'''Robin''': Lady, you're nuts! :'''Poison Ivy''': Well, that's ''your'' opinion. Probably the last one you'll ever have, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': I'm just sorry she got away. :'''Batman''': Me too, Robin. But I don't think we'll see her again anytime soon. :''[The real Ivy is shown escaping on a plane out of Gotham, looking through a scrapbook]'' :'''Batman''': Ivy lost everything she had, everything she said she ever wanted. For what it's worth, I believed her when she told me that for the first time in her life... she was happy. :''[Ivy sheds tears as she looks at a photo of her wedding]'' ===''The Terrible Trio'' [2.6]=== :'''Warren''': Is this all you do for kicks, Bruce? Charity work? :'''Bruce''': Well, I do have a night life. Pull! ''[shoots down a clay pigeon]'' Besides, it's important to help others. It may sound corny, but hey, it's how I feel. :'''Warren''': You must recognize that you are a superior animal, Bruce. A member of the elite. Pull! ''[shoots down another clay pigeon]'' Take my Delta brothers and me. Why, we've run with the bulls! :'''Armand''': Shot game from hot air balloons! :'''Gunther''': Killed a great white! :'''Warren''': We've done it all. Ah, therein lies the problem. After all, what do the rajas do when there are no more tigers to hunt? :'''Bruce''': I'm sure you'll think of something, Warren. ''[leaves]'' :'''Warren''': Dollar for dollar, that has to be the dullest man in Gotham City. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Scoundrels like these are worse than the Joker. At least he's got madness as an excuse! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Let's go, Fox. You've raided your last chicken coop. :'''Warren''': Wait, wait a minute! We can make a deal! A million dollars to let me go! ''Ten'' million! Think about it. Buys a lot of Batarangs! :'''Batman''': ''[unimpressed]'' Your money's no good here. :'''Warren''': Okay, fine! Go ahead, take me in, hero! I've got every judge in town in my pocket! You'll see! I'll get justice! The best that money can buy! :''[Next, Warren is seen being ushered into a cell at Stonegate, where his burly new cellmate gives him a menacing look]'' ===''Harlequinade'' [2.7]=== :'''Harley''': ''[in handcuffs]'' I sense a lack of trust. :'''Robin''': Are you sure you don't need help keeping Zippy under control? :''[Harley picks the lock on her cuffs while Batman speaks]'' :'''Batman''': I'm fine. Besides, I need you to be ready if Gordon's men get any leads. I'll signal if there's trouble. :'''Robin''': You got it. :'''Harley''': I wanna listen to the radio! ''[reaches for the controls]'' :'''Batman''': DON'T--! :''[Harley Quinn deploys a parachute, causing the Batmobile to swerve wildly. When the Batmobile stops, Batman is furious]'' :'''Harley''': ''[timidly]'' Oops... :'''Batman''': Listen, and listen good. You don't touch anything, say anything, or DO ANYTHING UNLESS I TELL YOU! GOT IT?! :'''Harley''': Yes, sir. :'''Batman''': ''[turns away, Harley begins making faces at him]'' So far, Joker hasn't been seen in any of his old hideouts. I want you to show me the last place he used when he escaped. ''[catches her making a face, which she replaces with a sheepish grin]'' :'''Harley''': Okay! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Instead of taking you, the cops, and the Batman down separately? I'm gonna blast you all at once! ''[takes out his phone and speaks into it]'' Send down the plane, boys! We're blowing town! Literally. ''[gets off the phone]'' :'''Mayor''': But all those innocent people... :'''Joker''': Some joke on them, eh? Think of it as the ultimate punchline! Ha ha ha ha ha! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': It's lucky you were here, Quinn. The countdown sequence didn't leave Joker enough time to swing by Arkham and pick you up. :'''Joker''': Quiet, brat. :'''Harley''': You ''were'' gonna come for me, weren't you, Puddin'? :'''Joker''': Of course, pumpkin-pie! It's just that... well, here you are, so I can, err, save myself the trip! :'''Harley''': But what about all our friends, Ivy and Two-Face and... Hat-Guy and Lizard-Man and Puppet-Head and-- ''[Joker shoves her into the plane]'' :'''Joker''': What about them? :'''Batman''': Don't forget your little pets! :'''Harley''': ''[gasps]'' The babies! We can't leave the babies! :'''Joker''': ''[shoves Harley into the plane again]'' I'll buy you a goldfish! Let's go! :'''Harley''': ''[struggling]'' NO! :'''Joker''': Why, you little...! :''[Harley kicks him in the face]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley''': ''[points the gun against Joker]'' Freeze, clown! :'''Batman''': Quinn, stop! :'''Harley''': He's mine, Bats! :'''Joker''': ''[grinning]'' You wouldn't dare. You don't have the guts! Not in a million years would you-- :''[Harley pulls the trigger - and a flag that reads "Rat-Tat-Tat" comes out of the barrel. The Joker stares at her for a moment, and throws his arms wide to embrace her]'' :'''Joker''': Baby, you're the greatest! ===''Time Out Of Joint'' [2.8]=== :'''Mayor Hill''': You! How did you get past-- :'''The Clock King''': Good evening, Mayor! Nice to see you again too. And whose life are you ruining now? A poor pensioner? A malnourished orphan, perhaps? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Hill''': Please, Fugate, don't hurt me! :'''The Clock King''': If it's any comfort, my revenge will encompass more than just you. I intend to pass a most timely sentence on the entire judicial system. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': It's a shame that you've decided to keep this device a secret. :'''Dr. Wataki''': It would seem that the world is not quite ready for it yet. :'''Robin''': Gee, that's too bad for Fugate. I'm sure he'll wish he had something to make the days pass quicker where he's going. ===''Catwalk'' [2.9]=== :'''Scarface''': Calm down, pussycat. We're all friends here. ''[to the Ventriloquist]'' Dummy, don't keep our pretty guest in the dark. :'''Ventriloquist''': Yes, sir, Mr. Scarface. ''[turns on the lot, revealing him and Scarface]'' :'''Scarface''': Ah, that's better. :'''Selina Kyle''': ''[gasps]'' You gotta be kidding! ''[laughs]'' :'''Scarface''': What's she laughin' at? My fly ain't open, is it?! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, sir. :'''Scarface''': So what's the gag? :'''Selina Kyle''': Oh come on, you know! ''[in a goofy voice]'' "What's the gag?" :'''Scarface''': ''[aims his gun at Selina]'' Can it, sister! This is Scarface you're dealing with, and I don't stand for no disrespect. :'''Ventriloquist''': I'd do as he says, ma'am. Mr. Scarface can be quite insistent. :'''Scarface''': I don't think anyone's talking to you! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, sir. No, sir. :'''Selina Kyle''': Right... so, what do you want with me? :'''Scarface''': My boys happened to be in the museum when they saw your little set-to with Miss Ronnie V. They also seen you licking your whiskers at the sight of Ronnie's pretty sparklers. :'''Selina Kyle''': You're boring me, log. :''[the Ventrloquist pulls out an envelope from his coat]'' :'''Scarface''': So what if I could provide you with a foolproof plan to snatchin' those rocks with no risk of you gettin' caught? :'''Selina Kyle''': Pass. Kitty's been staying it at night. It's not the greatest, but it beats the pound, if you know what I mean. :'''Scarface''': Now, that's a darn shame. And I thought for sure you'd want a chance to get even with the Vreelands. Not just for yourself, ya understand, but for all those poor little stuffed critters what never had the chance to fight back. :'''Selina Kyle''': Oh, barf. :'''Scarface''': It's a 50/50 cut. Take it or leave it? You in or what? :''[Selina thinks about it for a while then picks up the envelope]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': What a pleasant surprise. Though I should warn you - breaking and entering is against the law. :'''Batman''': You would know. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarface''': [[w:Tweety|I thawt I thaw a putty tat!]] <hr width="50%"/> :''[Catwoman crushes Scarface under some logs]'' :'''Catwoman''': That's one way to remove a splinter. What's wrong, Ventriloquist? Cat got your tongue? :'''Ventriloquist''': Please, I never hurt you! Scarface, he's another person, not me, really! :'''Catwoman''': But he's inside you somewhere. And I'm going to keep scratching until I find him. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': [[w:Just So Stories|I am the cat who walks by herself.]] ===''Bane'' [2.10]=== :'''Thorne''': You almost didn't get paid. You're lucky these diamonds didn't get nabbed in the smuggling bust. :'''[[w:Bane (comics)|Bane]]''': No, Mr. Thorne. You are the lucky one. ''[He punches the punching bag across the room]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': He wrecked my car, Alfred. Between two guys, that's ''real'' personal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bane''': Toys. You try to fight me with pathetic little TOYS. You've got nothing! Beg for mercy! SCREAM MY NAME! :'''Batman''': Never. :'''Bane''': You are beaten! Now I will break you! ===''Baby-Doll'' [2.11]=== :'''Robin''': ''[on "Love That Baby"]'' I remember this show from when I was a kid. It still stinks. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At Wayne Manor, Summer Gleeson is on the telephone talking to Marv Wolfman at her office.]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': I don't care what Mayor Hill says. The people have a right to know, and if he won't talk to us-- ''[Batman drops a photo of Baby-Doll onto her desk]'' I'll call you back, Marv. ''[to Batman and Robin]'' Since when are you interested in has-been actors? :'''Batman''': Since that one's been kidnapping her co-stars. :'''Summer Gleeson''': You're serious? :'''Robin''': She's been picking them off, one by one. Any reason she'd have a grudge? :'''Summer Gleeson''': Actually, ''they'' should hate ''her.'' Dahl put them all out of work when she quit the series to become a "dramatic" actress. :''[Summer plays a video of Mary Dahl playing Lady Macbeth]'' :'''Mary Dahl''': What, will these hands never be clean? Here's the smell of the blood still. All the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand. :'''Robin''': Pee-yew! :'''Summer Gleeson''': That's what the critics said. Baby's dramatic career flopped, and when she tried to start her TV show again, the networks turned her down. :'''Batman''': That still doesn't explain why she's after her old cast. :'''Robin''': ''[picks up a cassette]'' Maybe there's a clue in these old episodes. :'''Summer Gleeson''': You can borrow them if you want. And when you crack the case, you can pay me back with an exclusive... ''[turns to see that they have gone]'' interview. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': Naughty, naughty, Daddys! Mustn't yell at your Baby like thats. :'''Tod Baker''': You're not my daughter, and we're not a family! We're actors, remember?! You cancelled our show because you whined you weren't getting enough attention! :'''Baby-Doll''': ''[putting on a sad face]'' But I knows now I made a boo-boo! ''[sniffles and breaks character]'' It was hard for me out there. I studied and trained and auditioned, but no one wanted me. ''[plays the sound of a crowd going "Aww..." on her tape recorder]'' Over the years, I remembered how happy I was with all of you around me, and the folks at home watching me each week. Me, ''[goes back into her "cute" voice]'' Baby-Doll! ''[giggles]'' Now I'm Baby for good, and everyone will love me agains! Hugs, hugs! :''[Her goons force the actors to share a hug with her, and she plays the "Aww..." again]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': ''[watching episodes of Baby Doll's old TV show]'' Remember that time Poison Ivy nearly smothered us in those vines, with the ''really'' sharp thorns? :'''Batman''': Yes. :'''Robin''': This is worse. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': ''[after her TV brother is rendered unconscious by her bodyguard]'' Sorry I had to play roughs, Tippy. I didn't mean to. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': ''[Mariam kicks Robin around]'' Wow, lady! You're good! :'''Mariam''': It's a living... <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman pursues Baby-Doll in a funhouse tunnel maze]'' :'''Baby-Doll''': Silly Mr. Batman can't catch me! :'''Batman''': Don't run away! I know you're scared, confused - I can help you! :'''Baby-Doll''': Liar, liar, cape on fire! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': Game's over, Mr. Batman! ''[laughs]'' I WIN! ''[Batman fires his grappling gun, knocking the doll-gun down a slide]'' No fair! ''[runs to retrieve it, and stumbles into a room full of fun-house mirrors. Picks up the gun, wandering through the various distorted reflections, until she comes to one that shows her as an adult]'' Look! That's me in there. The ''real'' me! There I am... ''[touches the reflection, and her face changes]'' ...But it's not ''really'' real, is it? Just... made up and pretend, like my family and my life and everything else! ''[turns to face Batman, who stands behind her]'' '''''WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST LET ME MAKE-BELIEVE?!''''' ''[fires at mirrors, and cries after breaking the mirror with her adult reflection. Batman approaches her]'' I didn't ''mean'' to... ===''The Lion And The Unicorn'' [2.12]=== :''[Alfred breaks a chair over a thug's head.]'' :'''Robin''': And here all I thought you dusted was furniture. :'''Alfred''': A [[w:Louis XV|Louis Quinze]]; what a pity. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred Pennyworth''': ''[after being drugged with a truth serum]'' You'll get nothing but gibberish out of me, madam. I come from haunts of cootenfern and knicker sudden Sally. Uh... dee-dum dee-dum dee-dum dee-dum, and bicker down the valley. :'''Red Claw''': And people wonder why no one takes Britain seriously anymore. ===''Showdown'' [2.13]=== :'''Sheriff''': Well, well. Jonah Hex, his own bad self. Been here five minutes and you ain't killed nobody nor set nothin' on fire. Slippin', ain't you? :'''[[w:Jonah Hex|Jonah Hex]]''': I'm still a little bushed. :'''Sheriff''': Fact is, you look a little past it, Hex. Not tired, just all used up. :'''Hex''': Well, when I get pushed, I can still shoot a fly out from between its wings. Provided the light's right, of course... and it's a big ''plump'' fly. :''[The sheriff glances down at his own portly figure. Two other bargoers retreat outside, sensing trouble.]'' :'''Sheriff''': I ain't got nothin' on you, Hex... yet. Just remember, them wanted posters say "dead or alive". You might try "alive" this time. :'''Hex''': First time for everything. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duvall''': It would appear we have ourselves a government spy. A rather disreputable-looking one at that. Well, Mr. Spy, I'd say your plan has failed, and the railroad is doomed. :'''Hex''': I ain't no spy! I'm Jonah Hex, and I don't give a tinker's cuss about no railroad. I've come to get ''you'', Arkady Duvall, on account of what you done to that girl back east. :'''Duvall''': ''[chuckles]'' You mean to say, you've tracked me across ''twelve states'' because of that? :'''Hex''': Well, there's also the matter of a 200 dollar reward. That part don't hurt my feelings none. :'''Duvall''': You're either a liar or a fool. :'''Hex''': I've been known to be foolish, but ain't ''nobody'' calls me a liar and goes to bed happy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hex''': Now! Let's you and me dance. :'''Duvall''': You cannot defeat me. I am a Heidelberg fencing champion. :'''Hex''': My heart's all a-flutter. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duvall''': Five thousand in gold, take it. Leave me be. :'''Hex''': It ain't about money, boy. It's about justice. And I aim to serve you some. :'''Duvall''': Let me live, please! :'''Hex''': I will. Only because it's too much trouble to haul your stinkin' carcass back east. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You left Duvall to his fate a century ago. Why come back for him now? :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Did you really think, detective, that in my six hundred years of life, I would have sired only ''one'' offspring? Even before the Phoenix debacle, I had come to realize that Arkady was too unbalanced and cruel to wisely rule my empire. :'''Batman''': But you couldn't forget about him. :'''Ra's al Ghul''': What father can ever forget his son? Come now, detective, I've still a few good years left. We will cross swords another day. But for now, let me take my boy home. ===''Riddler's Reform'' [2.14]=== :''[After learning about the theft of historical antiquities on TV]'' :'''Riddler''': ''[in Bruce's memory]'' Those are things of the past, Batman. Ancient history that's gone now. I'm a new man! But you probably won't figure that out before it's too late! ''[laughs]'' :'''Bruce''': ''He'' did it. :'''Dick''': Who? :'''Bruce''': The Riddler. Remember what he said: "Things of the past." "Ancient history that's gone now." Look! :'''Dick''': Gee, I don't know. His riddles aren't usually that subtle. Besides, he's got a multimillion dollar deal with that toy company. Why would he throw it away over some stupid riddle crime? :'''Bruce''': Because that's the way his warped mind works. He's obsessed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': He's right, you know. :'''Manny''': Who? :'''Riddler''': Batman. He ''is'' going to catch me, sooner or later. :'''Manny''': Gee, boss, you're scaring me. You're talking kinda crazy. :'''Riddler''': DON'T YOU ''EVER'' CALL ME THAT! I fooled the police, the doctors, the Parole Board - all of them! There's only one person who's ever been able to challenge me: ''BATMAN!'' He's the only one worthy of the game! :'''Manny''': But you said sooner or later he's gonna catch you. What are you gonna do? :'''Riddler''': I'm never going back to Arkham! So I guess there's only one thing to do! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': Hello, Batman. This is it: the end of the game. I'm a little sad actually. You were a worthy opponent. But then, I told you I'd make a ''killing'' at the Toy Fair! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': ''[ranting in a cell in Arkham]'' It's IMPOSSIBLE, I tell you! Impossible! My trap was perfect! How did he do it?! I have to know! SOMEBODY TELL ME! IT'S NOT FAIR! THERE WAS NO WAY, I TELL YOU! NO WAY HE COULD HAVE GOTTEN OUT! SOMEBODY TELL ME! DO YOU HEAR ME?! SOMEBODY TELL ME HOW HE DID IT! I HAVE TO KNOW! '''''I HAVE TO KNOOOOOOOOOW!!!''''' ===''Second Chance'' [2.15]=== :'''Penguin''': And what might ''you'' be doing out there? Catching insects for dinner? :'''Batman''': I'm looking for Two-Face. :'''Penguin''': What, did you lose him? ''[chuckles]'' :'''Batman''': Somebody kidnapped him from Gotham Central tonight. You and he had a disagreement sometime ago, didn't you? :'''Penguin''': It's true. Harvey stole a rare ''avis'' right out from under my beak several months ago. A jewel-encrusted statuette of a two-headed [[w:roc (mythology)|roc]]. It was worth millions. But, my dear rodent, I'd never kidnap a fellow rogue out of his sickbed. It just isn't done. :'''Batman''': Honour among thieves? :'''Penguin''': Absolutely. If I were going to attack Harvey, I'd do it face to face... to face, heh, so to speak. Like THIS! ''[laughs and unleashes his birds on Batman]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You may as well come out. I know everything now. :''[A man emerges, his identity obscured by shadows]'' :'''Batman''': You hated Harvey Dent, and would do anything to destroy him. :''[Lightning flashes, revealing the man to be Two-Face himself]'' :'''Two-Face''': Why not? He was going to destroy me. Just like I'm going to destroy you! ''[attacks him]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Harvey, pull yourself up! :'''Harvey''': I can't! I'll drop the coin! :'''Batman''': Drop it! Save yourself! :'''Harvey''': I... I don't know what to do. The coin won't tell me! :'''Batman''': It can't tell you anything! I switched coins when you grabbed me! :'''Robin''': ''[swings and kicks the thugs out of Batman's way]'' Good thing I decided to tag along after all. :'''Batman''': It's a trick coin! It'll always land on edge! It's ''your'' decision now, Harvey! Life or death? The coin or me? :''[Robin threw the batarang to hit the elevator button to send the thug in an elevator, thunderstruck and Harvey/Two-Face decided to drops the coin]'' :'''Harvey''': Batman, help me. :''[Batman tries to give Harvey a hand, but Two-Face suddenly regains control]'' :'''Two-Face''': Never! ''[punches Batman and falls]'' :'''Batman''': ''HARVEY!!!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harvey''': ''[seen in half-shadow, making him appear to once again be Harvey Dent instead of Two-Face]'' Bruce? Good old Bruce. Always there. You never give up on me. :''[Bruce Wayne smiles and pats Harvey's shoulder before he is escorted away]'' :'''Dick''': He's right. You're always there for him. :'''Bruce''': Yes, just like you're always there for me. :'''Dick''': Hey, what are friends for? ===''Harley's Holiday'' [2.16]=== :'''Scarecrow''': I am the Master of Fear! The Lord of Despair! Cower before me in witless terror! :'''Harley''': Hi, Professor Crane! :'''Scarecrow''': ''[Smiling fondly]'' Good evening, child. ''[To Batman and Robin, furiously]'' Worship me, you fools! Worship me! Scream hosannas of anguish to Scarecrow, the all-terrible God of Fear! ''[Guards take him away]'' :'''Robin''': I think he's getting better. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley''': I'm having a BAD DAY! I'm sick of people trying to shoot me, run me over and blow me up! I didn't even get to keep my new dress - I ACTUALLY PAID FOR IT! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman and Robin take Harley back to Arkham]'' :'''Harley''': ''[sadly]'' [[w:To market, to market|Home again, home again, diggity dig...]] :'''Dr. Joan Leland''': Not for too long, though. Ms. Vreeland dropped the kidnapping charges. With a little more hard work, you should be ready to re-enter society for good. :'''Harley''': Yay... ''[to Batman]'' There's one thing I've gotta know. Why'd you stay with me all day, risking your butt for someone who's never given you anything but trouble? :'''Batman''': I know what it's like to try and rebuild a life. ''[takes her dress out of a bag]'' I had a bad day too, once. :'''Harley''': ''[takes the dress, smiling]'' Nice guys like you shouldn't have bad days. ===''Lock-Up'' [2.17]=== :'''Scarecrow''': Don't take me back there, please! Look at me, Batman! I'm shaking with fear! Me! The Scarecrow! I wasn't even going back to crime this time! I just had to get away from... HIM! :'''[[w:Lock-Up (comics)|Lyle Bolton]]''': I'll take it from here, Batman. Lyle Bolton, Chief of security. Congratulations, Professor Crane. You're the first inmate to escape Arkham under my charge. ''[He grabs Crane by the collar; Crane whimpers]'' You're also the last. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bartholomew''': Miss Quinn? Do you have any complaints against Mr. Bolton? :''[Lyle Bolton sneers threateningly at Harley Quinn]'': :'''Harley Quinn''': I got nothing to say. :'''Bartholomew''': But surely you must have something you wish to- :'''Harley Quinn''': You got a hearing problem or something?! NO! NADA! IXNAY! ZERO! ZILCH! BUPKES! NOTHING! OKAY?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': He threatens us! Takes away our privileges, even when we're good! :'''[[w:Lock-Up (comics)|Lyle Bolton]]''': We've heard enough of this nonsense. :'''Jonathon Crane''': He says scum like us must be kept in line! That's why he chains us down at night and electrifies our doors! :'''Scarface''': He held me over a can filled with a termites! Ya hear me?! ''TERMITES!'' :'''Harley Quinn''': He's an animal! :'''Ventriloquist''': A monster! :'''Jonathon Crane''': Keep him away! :'''Lyle Bolton''': '''SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU!''' :''[The guards retrain Lyle Bolton, he kicks the table, resists the guards and attack and them; he threatens to kill the inmates, and Bruce Wayne trips him with the chair]'' :'''Lyle Bolton''': You're all scum! You should be beaten within an inch of your misbegotten lives! :'''Bartholomew''': I've seen enough! ''[pounds the gravel]'' Lyle Bolton, you're dismissed! :'''Lyle Bolton''': Before I came here, Arkham was a revolving door for every maniac in Gotham. ''I'' kept them in! '''ME!''' Now I realize I was wrong to punish those pathetic miscreants! '''THEY'RE ONLY SYMPTOMS! ''YOU'RE'' THE CAUSE! THE GUTLESS POLICE, MINDLESS BUREAUCRATS, AND CODDLING DOCTORS! YOU SHOULD ALL BE LOCKED UP IN A CAGE WITHOUT A KEY!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lock Up''': I could have rid Gotham of the fools in city hall and the police department! We could have made our own order! :'''Batman''': I was born to fight your brand of order! :'''Lock Up''': If that's your decision...! ===''Make 'Em Laugh'' [2.18]=== :'''Dispatcher''': Disturbance reported at the top of the Crown restaurant. Suspect is a male costumed extremist armed with what appears to be a... ketchup gun. :'''Batman''': It's going to be one of those nights. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Condiment King''': So long, suckers! Parting is such "sweet-and-sour" sorrow. ''[Batman yanks away his loot bag]'' What's this? Ah! The big bad Bat-guy. I knew you'd "ketchup" to me sooner or later. How I've "relished" this meeting. You, the dynamic Dark Knight, versus me, the conceptual Condiment King! Come, Batman. Let's see if you can "cut the mustard". :'''Batman''': Quiet! ''[punches the King in the stomach]'' :'''Condiment King''': ''[slumps to ground, gasping]'' You hit me! :'''Batman''': Now listen, Mustard Man, or whatever you call yourself. You're obviously new at this, so I'm willing to go easy on you, provided you give back the loot and never even think about doing this again. Deal? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Buddy's agent''': I don't get it. Buddy's just thrown his entire career away. The network's cancelling his show and the restaurant's suing him for a million dollars. Why did he do it? It just doesn't make sense. ===''Deep Freeze'' [2.19]=== :'''Batman''': Men like Walker are obsessed with getting their own way. And they don't let little things like the ''law'' stop them. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grant Walker''': Do you realize that in your half-frozen state, you will age more slowly than an ordinary human? You're practically immortal, my friend! :'''Mr. Freeze''': Yes, eternal life trapped in this wretched shell! What a miserable joke. :'''Grant Walker''': Miserable to you, but a godsend to me. Look at me, Mr. Freeze, I'm an old man. I've created wonders in my lifetime, but there is still so much to do! I want to change as you have. To become, like you, a being of blessed, eternal cold. :'''Mr. Freeze''': You're insane. :'''Grant Walker''': Only you know how to duplicate the accident that made you what you are. What I long to become! :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[grabs him]'' You want to live like this? Abandoned and alone? A prisoner in a world you can see but never touch? ''[drops him and turns away]'' Old and infirm as you are, I'd trade a thousand of my frozen years for your worst day. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grant Walker''': Every time I open a park, I get gatecrashers. :'''Batman''': We've seen your insane vision of the future, Walker. :'''Grant Walker''': My world will have no crime, violence or pain. :'''Robin''': You can add free will to that list too! :'''Grant Walker''': A small price to pay for order. :'''Batman''': ''Your'' order! For your select few! :'''Grant Walker''': Excuse me, but I fail to see the problem with that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You can't let Walker do this. Billions of people will perish! :'''Mr. Freeze''': That's not my concern. All that matters is I once again have my wife, and the means to restore her. :'''Batman''': She'll wake up in a dead, frozen world that ''you'' helped destroy. She'll ''hate'' you for that! :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''Silence.'' :'''Batman''': You think you're alone now? Wait until she learns the truth. :'''Mr. Freeze''': '''I SAID ''SILENCE!''''' ''[blasts at Batman and Robin, knocking them backward, then turns back to Nora with a saddened face]'' Forgive me... ''[frees Batman and Robin]'' Come, there is much to do. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Dick recovers from hypothermia]'' :'''Dick''': Man, if I spent any more time in that immersion tank, I'd be growing gills. :'''Bruce''': I'm just glad I was able to get you back here in time. :'''Dick''': Thanks. For a while I thought I'd end up like Walker, trapped in a ice cube forever. What about Mr. Freeze? Do you think he's gone for good? :'''Bruce''': I'm not sure. But if Freeze's condition has made him truly immortal... we may not have seen the last of him. ===''Batgirl Returns'' [2.20]=== :'''Catwoman''': Bats are just mice with wings, little girl. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Batgirl|Batgirl]]''': So, what are you going to do? Leave us over one of these vats with acid burning through the rope? :'''Daggett''': ''[Laughs]'' If there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's that you crime-fighting types are very resourceful. So, I'll just have my men shoot you and throw your bodies in the vats. == About ''{{PAGENAME}}'' == *'''PD''': If I had to differentiate between [Batman and Superman], I'd say Superman is sort of about hope. You've got this guy who's an alien and not truly human, but he personifies all the best qualities of humanity. He's sort of an example of what it would be nice to be like. We would all like to be like Superman. We would all like to have power, compassion, the ability to settle problems in a good way, and maybe [be able to] wink to ourselves about how nobody else besides us knows we really have this secret power and we keep it ourselves. There's not a lot of angst with Superman. If there is, it's more like, "I wish I could tell Lois who I really was." Batman is how you'd like to be if you [could] break someone's neck: "I'm pissed off, and I want to go out and do something about it." Superman waits for trouble to happen, and then he goes off and stops the problem. Batman's looking for trouble; he doesn't really start it, but he's out there looking. And if he sees something going on, he just jumps into the middle of it. :'''JA''': Batman's sort of a sociopath too. :'''PD''': He's absolutely a sociopath. He's a sociopath with a lot of money, and he's got a sense of right and wrong. I don't think he's totally bereft of some sort of compassion or feeling for some of the villains. He doesn't go after somebody like Mr. Freeze without a small bit of compassion for the man, or maybe someone like the Mad Hatter, or even Harley, whom he thinks is certainly a pain in the ass, but I think he kind of wishes she'd get her act together and wise up at some point. <br> But with darker characters like the Scarecrow and the Joker, he's basically out to make sure they never get out again - whatever it takes to take them down. Somebody like the Joker is probably the least human of all of Batman's Rogues Gallery. That was why I never wanted to do a story that humanizes the Joker, like we did with the Mad Hatter or Mr. Freeze, because I just don't think the character lends itself to that. He's almost supernatural in a way; he's somebody who's just thoroughly insane, who does what he wants to do, and who has a grudge against Batman. He probably likes horrifying people with his clownish appearance as much as Batman terrorizes criminals with his nightmare-like appearance. The Joker is pretty inhuman. I'd say the same thing about the Scarecrow. He is someone who really gets turned on by scaring people. He's like the anti-Batman. He's a weak, very unimposing man until he puts on the Scarecrow costume, and then goes out and gasses people with fear gas, and he watches them squirm. There's probably a big turn-on seeing people helpless in front of him screaming in fear. *'''PD''': When [[w:Tim Burton|Tim Burton]]'s ''[[Batman (1989 film)|Batman]]'' came out, that was the way to go. Now [[w:Joel Schumacher|Joel Schumacher]]'s [[Batman Forever|Batman]] is out there, and people are flocking to the movies, so they"re saying, "Can you lighten up the show a little bit? Can you have more fun with it?" So that's what we were charged with doing, and that's what we've done: to lighten up the color palette a little bit, so that every character's not just in dark colors. Robin, for instance, is now black, red, and gold, instead of green. Nightwing is black and a light, almost iridescent, blue. We've also given it a little more of a kid-friendly look. :* [[w:Paul Dini|Paul Dini]], [http://animationarena.com/batman_the_animated_series.html "Batman: The Animated Series"], ''Animation Arena''. * The thing with the Batman show—even though it's one of the most beautiful and well-written shows, and it really gets into Batman—is that it doesn't really move that fast. The fight scenes aren't that intense, and it doesn't really go actiony. There's a lot of walking and talking in it. It looks great, but it needs that kick of having action. And I think that's another thing that kids are picking up on: For the first time, you're actually seeing superheroes really fight bad guys. In a lot of the cartoons when I was growing up, like [[w:Super Friends|Super Friends]], there was no fighting of bad guys. They would just get sent off to jail. It was wacky, it was silly, it wasn't intense, and there wasn't real fighting and stuff in it. ** [[w:Craig McCracken|Craig McCracken]] [http://www.avclub.com/article/the-powerpuff-girls-13665 "The Powerpuff Girls"], Keith Phipps, ''A.V.Club'', Jun 21, 2000. == Cast == * [[Kevin Conroy]] - [[w:Batman|Bruce Wayne/Batman]] * [[w:Loren Lester|Loren Lester]] - [[w:Dick Grayson|Dick Grayson/Robin]] * [[w:Melissa Gilbert|Melissa Gilbert]] - [[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara Gordon/Batgirl]] * [[w:Clive Revill|Clive Revill]]/[[w:Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.|Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.]] - [[w:Alfred Pennyworth|Alfred Pennyworth]] * [[w:Bob Hastings|Bob Hastings]] - [[w:James Gordon (comics)|Commissioner James Gordon]] * [[w:Robert Costanzo|Robert Costanzo]] - [[w:Harvey Bullock (comics)|Detective Harvey Bullock]] * [[w:Ingrid Oliu|Ingrid Oliu]]/Liane Schirmer - [[w:Renee Montoya|Officer Renee Montoya]] * [[Mark Hamill]] - [[w:The Joker (comics)|The Joker]] * [[w:Arleen Sorkin|Arleen Sorkin]] - [[w:Harley Quinn|Dr. Harleen Quinzel/Harley Quinn]] * [[Paul Williams (songwriter)|Paul Williams]] - [[w:Penguin (comics)|Oswald Cobblepot/The Penguin]] * [[Adrienne Barbeau]] - [[w:Catwoman|Selina Kyle/Catwoman]] * [[w:John Glover (actor)|John Glover]] - [[w:Riddler|Edward Nygma/The Riddler]] * [[w:Richard Moll|Richard Moll]] - [[w:Two-Face (comics)|Harvey Dent/Two-Face]] * [[w:George Dzundza|George Dzundza]] - [[w:The Ventriloquist (comics)|Arnold Wesker/The Ventriloquist/Scarface]] * [[w:Henry Silva|Henry Silva]] - [[w:Bane (comics)|Bane]] * [[w:Aron Kincaid|Aron Kincaid]] - [[w:Killer Croc|Killer Croc]] * [[w:Marc Singer|Marc Singer]] - [[w:Man-Bat|Dr. Kirk Langstrom/Man-Bat]] * [[w:Ron Perlman|Ron Perlman]] - [[w:Clayface|Matt Hagen/Clayface]] * [[w:Diane Pershing|Diane Pershing]] - [[w:Poison Ivy (comics)|Dr. Pamela Isley/Poison Ivy]] * [[w:Henry Polic II|Henry Polic II]] - [[w:Scarecrow (DC comics)|Dr. Jonathan Crane/The Scarecrow]] * [[w:Roddy McDowall|Roddy McDowall]] - [[w:Mad Hatter|Dr. Jervis Tetch/The Mad Hatter]] * [[w:Michael Ansara|Michael Ansara]] - [[w:Mr. Freeze|Dr. Victor Freeze/Mr. Freeze]] * [[David Warner (actor)|David Warner]] - [[w:Ra's al Ghul|Ra's al Ghul]] ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} {{Batman}} [[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated superhero TV shows]] [[Category:Animated Batman TV shows]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Animated television programs based on Detective Comics]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Fox Broadcasting Company animated television series]] [[Category:Television series by Warner Bros. Animation]] f86owfqgqvxc1pm11axlnk4xno3srx0 3778931 3778927 2025-07-14T23:16:50Z 2A00:23C7:8583:8901:5157:8FC5:8DBF:8C56 /* Perchance To Dream [1.30] */ 3778931 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Batman-_The_Animated_Series_logo.svg|thumb|I am [[vengeance]]. I am the [[night]]. I am, '''[[Batman|BATMAN]]'''!]] {{italic title}} '''''[[W:Batman: The Animated Series|Batman: The Animated Series]]''''' is an American animated superhero television series based on the [[DC Comics]] superhero Batman. It was succeeded by ''[[The Adventures of Batman & Robin]]'' and ''[[The New Batman Adventures]]''; the first production in the [[w:DC Animated Universe|DC Animated Universe]]. ==Season 1== ===''On Leather Wings'' [1.1]=== :'''Batman''': ''[reading the paper]'' "Gotham Police Declare War on Batman"? :'''Alfred''': I gather you've been reading ''[[w:How to Win Friends and Influence People|How to Make Friends and Influence People]]''? :'''Batman''': Somebody's setting me up. :'''Alfred''': My heavens. You mean it ''wasn't'' you tossing guards out of windows last night? :'''Batman''': ''[amused]'' I only toss butlers, Alfred. <hr width='50%'/> :'''[[w:Rene Auberjonois|Dr. March]]''': You donate a few million, and you think you own the place. I understand I'm to analyse something for you? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Yeah, doc. See, I keep hearing squeaks in my chimney, and I found these in my empty fireplace. They look like hairs. I thought maybe you could tell me if I have a bat problem. :'''Dr. March''': And what if they are bats, Mr. Wayne? What then? Destroy them like insects? We won't survive the next evolutionary cataclysm, but bats will! They're survivors, Mr. Wayne, not pests! You should understand that! <hr width='50%'/> :'''Dr. Kirk Langstrom''': ''[enters laboratory upon hearing noises]'' Who's back there? ''[spots Batman]'' You...! :'''Batman''': I'm looking for Dr. March. :'''Langstrom''' He's not here, Batman. :'''Batman''': Where is he? :'''Langstrom''': Giving a lecture on human extinction and bat evolution. He's really quite brilliant. :'''Batman''': He's misguided, and a thief. ''[holds up a vial of the serum]'' :'''Langstrom''': He's just a theorist, he was afraid to put it to the test. But I wasn't. I knew he'd discovered a formula to create a totally new species, neither man nor bat. And once I started taking it, I couldn't stop. I desperately wanted to, but... ''it'' took over. Francine and March tried to protect me, but it was too late. The beast knew what chemicals were needed to bring itself about! It was out of my control! And it only needs one more component to complete the process! ''[voice lowering]'' It's in ''ME'', Batman! ''[laughs maniacally and begins to change into Man-Bat]'' <hr width='50%'/> :'''Bullock''': Let's go! :'''Lieutenant''': I can’t do it, sir! :'''Bullock''': Whaddaya mean "you can’t do it"?! :'''Lieutenant''': I just got word not to let you up without the Commissioner! :'''Bullock''': Who told you that?! :'''Lieutenant''': The Commissioner! ''[points at Gordon as he arrives]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Get out, Detective! The Mayor may not let me fire you, but I am ''not'' taking the heat for your fiasco! :'''Bullock''': This is my case, Commissioner! You heard the Mayor! :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Then why don't you go take it up with him?! I've got a job to do! If you wanna tag along, fine! ''[gets into the helicopter]'' Take her up, Lieutenant! :'''Bullock''': ''[trying to clamber in as it takes off]'' Hey! Wait for me! ===''Christmas With The Joker'' [1.2]=== :''[the Arkham Asylum inmates practice signing Jingle Bells as other inmates set up a giant Christmas tree]'' :'''Joker''': Jingle bells! Batman smells! Robin laid an egg! ''[gets a tree-topper and climbs to install it]'' The Batmobile lost a wheel and the Jo-ker got a-wa-a-a-ay! ''[attaches the ornament and the Christmas Tree ignites, revealed as a rocket. Joker clambers at it launches]'' Crashing through the roof! In a one-horse-open tree! Busting out I go! Laughing all the WHEEEEE! ''[the "rocket-tree" flies off into the distance as he sings]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the Christmas with the Joker show]'' :'''Joker''': Rumor has it, Christmas is a time to share with family. :'''Laugh track''': Yea! :'''Joker''': And since I don't have one of my own... :'''Laugh track''': Aww... :'''Joker''': I decided to STEAL one! :'''Laugh track''': Yea! :'''Joker''': And here they are: The Awful Lawful Family! ''[lights turn on and reveal Gordon, Summer, and Bullock tied up and gagged]'' Aren't they just the cutest family you've ever seen? :'''Batman''': ''[watching in the Batmobile]'' It's never easy with the Joker. :'''Joker''': Meet Daddy Lawful! ''[ungags Gordon]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': YOU DISEASED MANIAC! I'LL- ''[Joker gags him again]'' :'''Joker''': Hmm. Looks like I'll have to teach Daddy some manners. And here's Mommy Lawful! ''[ungags Summer]'' :'''Summer Gleason''': HELP! SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP US- ''[Joker gags her again]'' :'''Joker''': Ho ho ho, isn't she jolly? And here we have little Baby Lawful! Coochie coochie coo! ''[ungags Bullock]'' :'''Detective Bullock''': WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, I'LL RIP YOUR- ''[Joker gags him again]'' :'''Joker''': I'll bet Batman wishes he had a family just like mine. Personally I think relatives are a bore, so Batman can have them... ''[points to clock showing 10:30PM] if'' he can find them by midnight! Otherwise... ''[makes a throat-slashing motion and laughs]'' ===''Nothing To Fear'' [1.3]=== :''[Bruce is introduced to Dr. Long and he offers a handshake]'' :'''Dr. Long''': ''[looks at hand and pouts off]'' Your father and I attended university together. He had big plans for you. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Well, I guess he'd be pleased. Wayne Industries is more prosperous than ever. :'''Dr. Long''': Pleased? When your father was alive, Wayne was a name that commanded great respect. Now all Wayne stands for is a self-centered jet-setting playboy. It's lucky your father didn't live to see what you've done to his good name. He'd have died of shame. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Scarecrow sprays a security guard with gas]'' :'''Guard''': Stop! What the-- No! No, spiders! Get them offa me! No! NO! ''[cowers in fear]'' :'''Anthony''': What did you do to him, boss? :'''[[w:Scarecrow (DC Comics)|Scarecrow]]''': I merely helped him visualize his innermost terror, which is obviously [[w:arachnophobia|arachnophobia]]. :'''Nigel''': A-whack-a-what? :'''Scarecrow''': Arachnophobia! Fear of spiders, you dimwitted dropout! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': It seems I have underestimated the Batman, but at least the University is finished. :'''Anthony''': Gee, boss, I never liked school, but, uh, how come you hate the university so much? :'''Scarecrow''': They tried to destroy me. :'''Nigel''': You mean they kicked you out 'cause you weren't smart enough? :'''Scarecrow''': No, you simpleton! ''[pinches Nigel's broken nose]'' :'''Nigel''': Ow! :'''Scarecrow''': I taught there. I was a professor of psychology, specializing in phobias. Inducing terror has always intrigued me. Even as a boy, I loved to frighten things. People, animals, it was all the same. I became obsessed with fear's crippling power. Later, when I became their leading Professor of Subliminal Psychology at the University, I began performing experiments on fear and its subsequent effects. Dr. Long thought I went too far - he called me a lunatic. So now, they will learn the true nature of horror! :'''Anthony''': ''[to Nigel]'' Wow, he's a real professor. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman has been exposed to Scarecrow's fear toxin]'' :'''Thomas Wayne''': Bruce... :'''Batman''': No... not now... :'''Thomas Wayne''': You are a disgrace! ''[turns into the [[w:Grim Reaper|Grim Reaper]]]'' :'''Batman''': No... You are NOT my father. I am NOT a disgrace! I am vengeance, I am the night. I...AM...'''BATMAN!''' ===''The Last Laugh'' [1.4]=== :'''Summer Gleeson''': I'm here in Downtown Gotham where corporate CEOs have gone stark, raving mad. It would appear that the collapse of the stock market is now imminent. The question is: Will [[April Fools' Day]] mark the end of Gotham City as we know it? :'''Joker''': The only things gaining now are the laughing stocks! ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[After trapping Batman in a sealed garbage can]'' :'''Joker''': I just love these new Ziploc seals! We wouldn't want our little caged rodent to suffocate, so we'll just ''[draws a knife]'' PUNCH SOME AIRHOLES! ''[laughing, he stabs holes in the can, with Batman being forced to dodge each one]'' Okay, Captain! Give 'er the old heave-ho! ''[Captain Clown salutes and throws the can into the river, where it starts to flood and sink]'' Oops! Looks like our airholes are waterholes too! ''[smirking at the viewer]'' What a shame! ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Justice is served hot, Batman! You're going to melt just like a grilled-cheese sandwich! :''[The Joker tries to send Batman falling into the furnace with a cascade of garbage, but Batman escapes and swings to safety on his grappling hook]'' :'''Batman''': Justice ''will'' be served, Joker. :'''Joker''': Service with a SMILE?! ''[tosses a razor card at Batman, who dodges it just in time]'' :'''Batman''': Clean up your act, Joker. :'''Joker''': Oh, that's a joke, right? Batman finally told a joke! ''[laughing, the Joker draws another card and flings it, but Batman catches it with a smirk. With a gasp of shock, the Joker tries to flee, but gets his food caught on a cable and he ends up dangling over the furnace]'' BATMAN! YOU WOULDN'T LET ME FRY, WOULD YOU?! ''[Batman leans on the railing, pretending to consider it] '''BATMAN!''' [Batman pulls him up]'' ===''Pretty Poison'' [1.5]=== :'''Dent''': So, what do you think? :'''Bruce''': Does she have a sister? :'''Dent''': Nope. Pam's one of a kind. That's why I asked her to marry me. :'''Bruce''': ''[spits out his water upon hearing this]'' WHAT?! :'''Dent''': Yup, that's the page one headline. Hey... is it starting to get warm? :'''Bruce''': You're still flushed from that last kiss. Harvey, you just met her last week! :'''Dent''': And I already know she's the one. Gosh, it's hot in here... :'''Bruce''': Marriage is a major step, Harvs. Don't you think you're rushing it? :'''Dent''': No way. The moment I laid eyes on Pam, her love hit me right in the face. ''[falls right into the food he ordered]'' :'''Bruce''': ''[laughs]'' Harvey, you've lost your mind. Knock it off. ''[sees him unresponsive]'' Harv? Harvey! ''[Later sees Harvey carried into an ambulance and climbs inside]'' Hang on, Harvey. Hang on. <hr width=50%"/> :'''Bullock''': So what'd you put in this mousse?! :'''Chef''': Chocolate, sugar, eggs, cream... :'''Bullock''': STRYCHNINE?! :'''Chef''': No, no, no strychnine. But I added just a pinch of vanilla. :'''Bullock''': ''[turns to a waiter, frustrated]'' You know who did it?! TALK! :'''Waiter''': Hey, I just clean the dishes, okay? <hr width=50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[chuckles]'' Batman! A late night rendezvous? To what do I owe the honor? :'''Batman''': ''[struggling against Ivy's giant flytrap]'' Harvey Dent! :'''Poison Ivy''': Oh, the poor district attorney. I hear he's not expected to live. Oh, it's so sad... ''[feigns crying, which quickly turns to insane laughter]'' :'''Batman''': Why, Isley? :'''Poison Ivy''': Oh, please, call me Poison Ivy. You see, Harvey had to pay for his crime. :'''Batman''': What crime? :'''Poison Ivy''': Why, murder, of course! Plowing up a field of beautiful wildflowers for that silly penitentiary of his. This little rose would be extinct today if I hadn't saved my precious from those horrible bulldozers! The blood of those flowers are on his hands! ''[calms down after her tantrum]'' So his fate was sealed ''[applies lipstick]'' ...with a kiss. And now, so is yours. ''[Ivy's plant holds Batman still as she kisses him; he tries to spit away the poison]'' Oh, what's wrong? Afraid I have cooties? ''[laughs]'' Oh, now you've gone and hurt my feelings. Too bad. I was going to share the antidote with you. ''[opens a bottle and waves it under his nose]'' Lovely fragrance, don't you think? ''[applies a drop to her face]'' I call it "Rose From the Dead". <hr width=50%"/> :''[In a cell in Arkham]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': They can bury me in the ground, as deep as they like. But I'll grow back. ''[to her rose]'' We ''always'' grow back. Don't we, baby? ===''The Underdwellers'' [1.6]=== :'''Sewer King''': Lesson number one is: NOOOOO TAAAALKING! Children are to be seen and not heard. We are the Underdwellers. We are the silent ones. We follow the invisible creed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sewer King''': Frog! The rolls, if you please. :''[Another boy nervously steps over with them; the Sewer King grabs his wrist angrily]'' :'''Sewer King''': You're not Frog! Where is he?! He's not here! ''[smacks the bowl of rolls away]'' NOT HERE! And after all I've done for you ungrateful little monsters! I took you in when nobody else would have you! It is I who care for you! I who provide for you! And only I WHO KNOWS WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU! Would you rather I sent you back into the light? Back to those who hurt you, and sent you away? :''[The children tearfully shake their heads; the Sewer King pushes the dinner table over with a loud crash]'' :'''Sewer King''': THERE WILL BE NOTHING TO EAT UNTIL FROG IS FOUND! NOW OUT WITH YOU! ''OUT WITH YOU!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I don't know what kind of barbarian did this to you, but it's over. And from now on, you'll be treated like human beings. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sewer King''': ''[clapping]'' Bravo. Bravo. You've caused me great distress, you evil bat, yes, yes, yes, you have! You've hurt my pretty pets, and you've frightened my beloved children! :'''Batman''': ''[incredulous and disgusted]'' "Beloved children"?! :'''Sewer King''': Yes! I feed them, I clothe them, I discipline them, and I teach them a trade! And now, I will teach ''you'' something! :''[He stamps on Batman's hands, but Batman swings under the pipe and kicks him from behind, causing him to fall off]'' :'''Batman''': Grab my hand! :'''Sewer King''': ''NEVER!'' :''[He falls into the water, where the alligators close in and seemingly devour him]'' :'''Batman''': A gruesome fate for a gruesome man. :''[He hears the Sewer King laughing, and sees him with the alligators, unharmed]'' :'''Sewer King''': I rather enjoyed it! I told you, they're my pretties! ''[pets one, laughing]'' Have a nice swim! :''[Batman swings over to chase him, narrowly missing the alligators' jaws]'' :'''Batman''': Later. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman pulls the Sewer King out of the way of an oncoming train]'' :'''Sewer King''': Why? Why?! ''Why?!'' :'''Batman''': ''[seething with anger]'' I don't pass sentence. That's for the courts. But this time - ''this time'' - I am ''sorely tempted'' to do the job myself! ===''P.O.V.'' [1.7]=== :''[after Batman grapples up a crane with Officer Montoya to safety]'' :'''Batman''': Are you alright? :''[Machine gun bullets hit around Batman and Officer Montoya, causing both of them to duck]'' :'''Officer Montoya''': Dandy. :'''Batman''': Then don't go away. :'''Officer Montoya''': ''[Batman leaves as more machine gun bullets hit. Montoya stays down]'' Count on it. <hr width="50%"/> :''[after Commissioner Gordon congratulates Officer Montoya for foiling the dock heist with Batman's aid]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': I have to hand it to you, Montoya. You and the Batman really turned this thing around. :'''Patrolman Wilkes''': Yeah, what a [[wikt:collar|collar]]! You didn't just bust 'em, you put the whole gang out of commission. ''[Lieutenant Hackle appears to accuse Montoya]'' :'''Lieutenant Hackle''': What collar? She's suspended! ''[Gordon angrily grabs Heckle]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': This [[wikt:farce|farce]] has gone far enough, Hackle! We apprehended the suspects and recovered our money. The investigation is closed! ''[He grabs three confiscated police badges out of Hackle's suit pocket and shoves him aside. He hands the badges to Officer Montoya]'' Officer Montoya earned this collar. :'''Officer Montoya''': The collar belongs to all three of us, Commissioner. It was a team effort. ''[Montoya accepts hers and hands Wilkes back his badge]'' :'''Patrolman Wilkes''': Gee... thanks, partner! :'''Detective Bullock''': ''[grumbling under his breath]'' Yeah, yeah... :'''Officer Montoya''': What was that, Bullock? ''[happily gives badge to Bullock]'' :'''Detective Bullock''': ''[reluctantly hesitates, accepts his badge]'' I said... Thanks a lot, Montoya. ===''The Forgotten'' [1.8]=== :'''Bruce''': What is this? :'''Smith''': If it's moving, it's a rat. If it isn't, it's a cooked rat. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': ''[Alfred flies the Batwing to the tracking device's location]'' This must be the place! Bring us down! :'''Batwing Computer''': Negative. :'''Alfred''': ''[pressing buttons madly]'' But Master Bruce is down there! We HAVE to land! :'''Computer''': Impossible. Area too confined. :'''Alfred''': ''[pounds the console]'' Land, you bucket of bolts! :'''Computer''': Your funeral. :'''Alfred''': Oh, dear...! ''[The Batwing flies down abruptly. Bruce, escaping the mine, sees the Batwing fly over]'' :'''Bruce''': ''[Smiles]'' Son of a gun! :''[The Batwing reaches a flat area near Bruce and lands. The cockpit opens.]'' :'''Computer''': Watch your step. :'''Alfred''': ''[tumbles out, dazed]'' [[w:Juan Rodriguez Cabrillo|I-I-I claim this land... for Spain]]. ''[collapses]'' ===''Be A Clown'' [1.9]=== :'''Jordan''': How can I get to be a great magician like you, Jekko? :'''"Jekko"''': Well, there are three steps! Step one: run away. Step two: find a magician with a great act. And step three: ''steal it.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Summer Gleason''': ''[reporting on TV]'' Denying reports of a bomb blast at his son's birthday party, Mayor Hill insists the explosion was caused by faulty electrical wiring. :'''"Jekko"''': Yeah! RIGHT! ''[laughs]'' :'''Summer Gleason''': The Mayor declined, however, to confirm that his son Jordan was missing. :'''"Jekko"''': Missing? :'''Jordan''': ''[coming into view]'' It's me, Jekko. I ran away. :'''"Jekko"''': You did '''WHAT?!?''' :'''Jordan''': I want to be a magician, like you. :'''"Jekko"''': Why, you... ''[laughs]'' Well, kid, you got step one right! Come on in. I've been thinking about a protégé. <hr width="50%"/> :'''"Jekko"''': ''[sees Batman approaching on a monitor]'' Well, if it ain't the Caped Coconut... :'''Jordan''': My dad says Batman's no good. :'''"Jekko"''': Well, then I guess your dad's not a ''total'' idiot! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman is trapped inside a tank filled with water, complete with a straitjacket and leg restraints]'' :'''"Jekko"''': For your viewing pleasure, we present... the infamous water tank trap! The great [[w:Harry Houdini|Houdini]] survived such a test. Dare we demand less of the Batman?! :'''Jordan''': I don't like this, Jekko... :'''"Jekko"''': Quiet, kid, it's a free ticket. :''[Batman manages to free the sleeves of the jacket]'' :'''Jordan''': ''[clapping]'' He did it! He got free! :'''"Jekko"''': They don't make straitjackets like they used to. ''[grinning]'' I should know... :''[Batman wriggles out of the jacket and undoes the leg restraints, but struggles to break the glass]'' :'''Jordan''': He can't get out! What's the trick? :'''"Jekko"''': That's just it! THERE IS NO TRICK! :'''Jordan''': No! He'll drown! :''[Jordan grabs an axe and strikes the side of the tank to try and free Batman, but "Jekko" takes the axe away]'' :'''"Jekko"/Joker''': That's why they call it the FINALE! ''[throws down the axe and discards his "Jekko the Clown" mask]'' Now sit down and enjoy the show! ===''Two-Face Part 1'' [1.10]=== :'''[[w:John Vernon|Rupert Thorne]]''': All men have something to hide. The brighter the picture, the darker the negative. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Dent's raid on Thorne has been aborted by the judge due to supposed lack of reliable evidence]'' :'''Dent''': No! NO! '''I SPENT ''THREE MONTHS'' ON THAT RAID!''' He can't overturn! The fool! HE'S ''BEEN BOUGHT! LIKE ALL THE REST!'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[tries to restrain him]'' Harvey, please try to calm down. This sort of behavior doesn't run well with the voters- :'''Dent''': ''LET GO OF ME, YOU RICH TWIT!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dent''': Stealing someone's psychiatric file is pretty low, Thorne! Even for a swine like you! :'''Rupert Thorne''': But it makes for such fascinating reading. Listen to this, boys. Says here that when Harvey was a little boy, he was bothered by a bully. Every day the bully would bug him after school, until one day little Harvey got so mad, he slugged him one. :'''Thorne's Thugs''': Oooh! :'''Rupert Thorne''': Of course, the bully ran away, which made little Harvey very proud. Until he heard that the bully was in the hospital. :'''Candace''': That was some punch. :'''Rupert Thorne''': ''[chuckles]'' That's what Harvey thought. Except the guy was in the hospital for appendicitis! ''[chuckles again]'' But poor Harvey felt so guilty, he never showed his anger again. And that was the start of "Big Bad Harv". :'''Dent''': What do you want? :'''Rupert Thorne''': Just a few favors from the D.A.'s office. :'''Dent''': You're dreaming. :'''Rupert Thorne''': Otherwise, as a concerned citizen, I'd be compelled to give this to the press. After all, the people of Gotham have a right to know the kind of person... or should I say "persons", they've elected. So, what do you say, Harvey? Do we have a deal? :''[Harvey's face has contorted in building rage the entire time, but suddenly relaxes into deceptive docility]'' :'''Dent''': There's just one problem. :'''Rupert Thorne''': What's that? :'''Dent''': ''[in Big Bad Harv's voice]'' '''''You're talking to the wrong Harvey.''''' ===''Two-Face Part 2'' [1.11]=== :''[In a nightmare, Harvey is being chased by a dark shadow. He suddenly realizes he is standing on a collapsing wooden bridge]'' :'''Harvey Dent''': Stay back! ''[the shadow reveals itself to be Batman, pleading for Harvey's help]'' :'''Batman''': Harvey, please, let me help you! :'''Harvey Dent''': You?! You saw what was happening! You knew that something was terribly wrong with me! I thought you were my friend! You should have been able to help me--but you didn't! ''[Harvey covers his face with his two hands, now transformed into Two-Face]'' :'''Two-Face''': ''NOW LOOK AT ME!!'' :'''Batman''': But I tried, Harvey. I... ''[the bridge pulls itself apart, causing Two-Face to fall off]'' Harvey! :'''Two-Face''': ''[Plummets into an abyss of glowing red light] WHY COULDN'T YOU SAVE ME...?!!'' :''[Batman looks down the edge and gasps with horrified shock. He instead sees his late parents Thomas and Martha Wayne underneath a single lamppost. They both raise their heads in sadness]'' :'''Thomas Wayne''': Why couldn't you save us, son? :''[Bruce wakes up, sweating with fear. He then turns to a photo of Two-Face from a newspaper]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': So what are you dreaming tonight, Harvey? Peaceful dreams? Nightmares? Maybe both at once. Sleep well, my friend. Whether you are, whatever you've become... I ''will'' save you. I swear. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Two-Face''': This is my world now. A dichotomy of order and chaos - just like me. :'''Grace''': Harvey, what's happened to your mind, your feelings? You used to listen to your feelings. :'''Two-Face''': ''[flipping his coin]'' This is what I listen to now. ''Chance,'' Grace. Chance is everything. Whether you're born or not, whether you live or die, whether you're good or bad... it's all arbitrary. :'''Grace''': That's nonsense, Harvey. Was it chance that made you District Attorney? Was it chance that made you fall in love with me? Take control of your life, Harvey. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Two-Face grabs a tommy gun and aims at a defenceless Thorne]'' :'''Rupert Thorne''': No! Two-Face, don't! ''[to Batman]'' You can't let him! :'''Grace''': Harvey! What are you doing?! :'''Two-Face''': Taking control of my life. :'''Batman''': Let the law handle it. :'''Two-Face''': "The law"?! ''[takes out his coin]'' Here's the only law! The law of averages! The great equalizer! :''[Two-Face flips the coin, but Batman throws out a crate of other coins, and Two-Face's is lost among them as they spill out]'' :'''Two-Face''': ''[horrified and panicked]'' NO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! ''[searches through them frantically]'' My coin! Where is it?! I can't decide without...! Oh no, it's ''gotta'' be here, it's ''gotta! [shrieks with anguish]'' '''''I HAVE TO HAVE IT!!!''''' :''[He continues to scream, swiping the coins aside before collapsing in tears; Grace gently comforts him]'' :'''Grace''': It's all right now, Harvey. I'm here. ===''It's Never Too Late'' [1.12]=== :'''Father Michael Stromwell''': Arnold? That's one soul I wish I could give up on. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arnold Stromwell''': I don't need your help! :'''Michael Stromwell''': Is that a fact? An empire crumbling? A marriage shattered? A son lost? Sure, you're doing fine. ===''I've Got Batman In My Basement'' [1.13]=== :''[after Penguin's goons successfully steal a [[w:Fabergé egg|Fabergé egg]] on a tall building]'' :'''Goon 1''': ''[chuckles]'' A piece of cake, just like the boss said. :'''Goon 2''': Yeah, all it took was five minutes. ''[Batman makes his surprise appearance to the goons]'' :'''Batman''': And that'll get you five ''years''... ''[pause]'' with good behavior. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Be-fowled by a couple of fledgelings! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Grant''': Sherman, what are you doing down there? :'''Sherman''': Nothing, Mom! :'''Mrs. Grant''': You're not trying to make gunpowder again, are you? :'''Sherman''': No, Mom! Honest! :'''Roberta''': We just saved Batman's life, Mrs. Grant, and now we're hiding him from some bad criminals. :'''Mrs. Grant''': That's good, just don't make a mess. ''[leaves]'' :'''Sherman''': Nice going, Miss Big Mouth. :'''Roberta''': ''[shrugging]'' Sorry, Sherman, I guess I panicked. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Gentlemen - and I use the term loosely - after you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Eurgh, how bourgeois. Tearing this place apart could only improve it! Let the egg hunt begin! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Grant''': Young man, you've got some serious explaining to do! ''[sees Batman and the defeated Penguin and gasps]'' :'''Sherman''': Err, Mom, I'd like you to meet Batman. Batman, this is my mom. :'''Batman''': Ma'am. :'''Mrs. Grant''': Oh, hello... :'''Sherman''': Say, Batman, you wouldn't be single, would you? ===''[[w:Heart of Ice (Batman: The Animated Series)|Heart of Ice]]'' [1.14]=== :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[gazes at the ballerina snow globe]'' This is how I'll always remember you. Surrounded by [[winter]] forever young, forever beautiful. Rest well, my love. The monster who took you from me will soon learn that [[revenge]] is a dish... ''[opens his eyes through his red goggles]'' best served '''cold'''. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman infiltrates an office in GothCorp headquarters and sees a classified file with a videotape and medical records of a woman named Nora Fries. He plays the tape on a nearby VCR]'' :'''Victor Fries''': ''[on the tape]'' My name is Doctor Victor Fries. I am recording what I pray would be mankind's first step toward immortality. ''[camera pans to a large machine with a glass capsule and a woman inside it]'' Behind me, you see the CC-100, a cryogenic freezing chamber of my own design. I created it for the express purpose of freezing subjects stricken with inoperable ailments. Subjects like... my own beloved wife, Nora. Once a remedy has been found-- ''[reacts to a loud banging on the door]'' :'''Ferris Boyle''': ''[Behind the door]'' Open this door! Open it now! ''[A security guard kicks the door down, Ferris and another guard step into the room. Boyle confronts Fries angrily.]'' Get away from that equipment! ''[Orders his guards]'' Shut this stuff down. :'''Fries''': ''[Panicked]'' Stop! This is my experiment! :'''Boyle''': Your ''unauthorized'' experiment. I ordered funding suspended weeks ago! I'm already three million in debt thanks to you! :'''Fries''': You can't stop it now! My wife is in there! :'''Boyle''': So bring her out! :'''Fries''': You can't interrupt the process now! :'''Boyle''': ''[unmoved; to guard]'' Open it. :'''Fries''': ''[desperately holds on to Boyle]'' It's her only chance! :'''Boyle''': ''[shrugs off Fries]'' This is MY equipment! ''MINE!'' I have every legal right to use it or not use it as I see fit. I say this project ends ''now!'' :'''Fries''': ''[grabs pistol from security guard and aims it at Ferris]'' '''NO!''' Stay away from her, murderer! :'''Boyle''': ''[tries to act charming to Fries]'' Victor... I'm sorry... I lost my temper. It doesn't have to come to this. We can talk! ''[Fries calms down and Boyle kicks him into a table of cryonic chemicals. Victor screams in pain as the cloud of volatile chemicals engulf him. Boyle steps away in fear and runs out of the room with his guards]'' Get out. Get out! :'''Fries''': ''[Clinging to his freezing chamber, screaming through the glass] Nora! NORA...! [passes out. The tape ends]'' :'''Batman''': ''[Horrified]'' My God! :''[A voice rings out--it's Mr. Freeze, who just snuck in the room]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': Yes. It would move me to tears, if I still had tears to shed. ''[freezes Batman with his cryo-gun]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mr. Freeze raids the award ceremony and confronts Ferris Boyle, who is receiving a humanitarian award]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': The cold eyes of vengeance are upon you, Boyle. :'''Ferris Boyle''': Who...who ''are'' you?! :'''Mr. Freeze''': Come, now. Surely you remember your old colleague... Victor Fries? :''[Mr. Freeze aims and fires his freezing gun at Boyle's feet, ice slowly covering up his legs to his waist]'' :'''Boyle''': ''[cries in pain]'' NO! No...! Stop... please... I... b-beg you! ''[Mr. Freeze stops his freezing gun for a moment of clarity]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': You... ''beg?'' In my nightmares I see my Nora behind the glass, begging to me with frozen eyes. How I've longed to see that look frozen on you. :''[Batman batarangs Mr Freeze's cryo-gun and attacks him. Mr Freeze overpowers Batman and throws him off]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': The advanced circuitry that powers my suit also triples my strength! ''[engages Batman, and lifts him off the ground]'' Sooner or later, all who stand in my way must feel the icy touch of death! :''[Mr. Freeze is about to kill Batman, but collapses when Batman smashes his glass helmet with a thermos full of chicken soup given to him by Alfred earlier]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': ''[walks next to Batman]'' Ooh...! What was that stuff? :'''Batman''': The only way to fight a cold. :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[as his suit falters]'' It can't end this way... vengeance...! :'''Batman''': No, ''justice''. A year ago, Ferris Boyle interrupted an experiment, and in the process destroyed two lives. ''[gives Summer Gleeson the tape he found]'' Here's the evidence. ''[walks to a still shivering Boyle; he sneers at Boyle with disgust]'' Good night, humanitarian! ''[walks off]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mr. Freeze is in his subzero cell in Arkham Asylum, gazing into his ballerina snow globe]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': I failed you. I wish there were another way for me to say it... but I cannot. ''[Tears silently slide down his face]'' I can only beg your [[forgiveness]] and pray you hear me somehow, someplace. Someplace... where a warm hand waits for mine. ===''The Cat And The Claw Part 1'' [1.15]=== :'''Stern''': Now if you'll excuse me, I've given you all the time I can spare. :'''Selina Kyle''': You'll find more time for me, Mr. Stern. Before I'm through, I'll have every environmental group and animal rights activist breathing down your neck. They'll be looking at you and your project so closely, you'll feel like a bug in a bell-jar. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You're late. :'''Mob Boss''': Can't you walk up to someone normal-like? :'''Batman''': I hear you have some information. :'''Mob Boss''': Under one condition: Lay off the South Side. :'''Batman''': Keep this up, and I'll be on you from ''all'' sides. North, south, east, and west. ===''The Cat And The Claw Part 2'' [1.16]=== :'''Batman''': Red Claw? A woman? :'''[[W:Red_Claw|Red Claw]]''': Do you have a problem with that, Batman? :'''Batman''': Not at all. I'm an equal opportunity crime fighter! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I didn't want you taken away like a common criminal. :'''Catwoman''': So you ''do'' care. :'''Batman''': ''[handcuffing her]'' More than you'll ever know. ===''See No Evil'' [1.17]=== :'''Lloyd Ventrix''': See you 'round, Batman! Too bad you can't say the same! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Ventrix, the suit! It's poison! :'''Ventrix''': So what if it is?! I don't care! As long as I have it, I can take my daughter back whenever I want! Her mother won't stop me, AND NEITHER WILL YOU! ===''Beware The Gray Ghost'' [1.18]=== :''[At a video shop, Bruce Wayne asks for Gray Ghost films]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': I'd like the ''Gray Ghost''. :'''Store Clerk''': ''[smirks and walks away]'' Hmm. Name something else. :'''Wayne''': You said you had everything. :'''Store Clerk''': Except the ''Gray Ghost''! Nobody has it! The studio that made the show, Spectra? It burned down 20 years ago. The negatives all went up like kindling, real shame. :'''Wayne''': So the ''Gray Ghost'' doesn't exist? :'''Clerk''': Not anymore. Sorry, pal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Simon Trent''': ''[Hands Batman a film reel with the key the mystery]'' Here's your answer, take it and go! :'''Batman''': I used to admire what the Gray Ghost stood for... :'''Simon Trent''': I'm not the Gray Ghost! :'''Batman''': ''[coldly]'' I can see that now. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the launch of the Gray Ghost videos]'' :'''Bruce''': Could you make this out to 'Bruce'? :'''Gray Ghost''': ''[signing autograph]'' Here you are, Bruce. :'''Bruce''': Thanks. As a kid, I used to watch you with my father. The Gray Ghost was my hero. :'''Gray Ghost''': ''[realizing]'' Really... :'''Bruce''': ''[smiling]'' And he still is. ===''Prophecy Of Doom'' [1.19]=== :'''Nostromos''': I predict... you and I are about to become rich as pigs! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lucas''': No one could've predicted Batman would spot me. Not even the great Nostromos. Besides, how do you know Wayne survived? :'''Nostromos''': The news said he got off the elevator right before it fell, you pathetic amateur! :'''Lucas''': Well, you didn't predict he would ''die'', exactly... ===''Feat Of Clay Part 1'' [1.20]=== :''[About Matt Hagen's repeated use of "Renuyu" to restore his disfigured face]'' :'''Teddy Lupus''': You can't go on like this, Matt. You hurt all the time now. :'''[[w:Clayface|Matt Hagen]]''': ''[irritated]'' You're just my stand-in, Lupus. Nobody promoted you to nursemaid! :'''Lupus''': That stuff makes your face like putty, Matt; it can't be good for ya. :'''Hagen''': It probably ain't good for me. But unless I only want to do ''horror'' pictures, it ain't bad for me either. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Listen up, scumwad, 'cause I'm only gonna ask you once. Who was Lucius Fox meeting at the tram? :'''Raymond Bell''': Wayne... Bruce Wayne! :'''Batman''': You lying sleaze! You wanna rethink that answer? ===''Feat Of Clay Part 2'' [1.21]=== :'''Clayface''': ''[testing his new shapeshifting powers]'' The formula must have soaked every cell in my body. :'''Teddy Lupus''': It's.... It's some kind of miracle! ''[sees Matt change back into Clayface]'' Wha... What are you doing? :'''Clayface''': No. No! You broke my concentration! It won't work, don't you see?! It's too hard! It's like tensing a muscle - I can't keep it up for long! MY CAREER, MY ''LIFE'' - IT ''IS'' GONE! AND I CAN NEVER GET IT BACK! ''[In his rage, Clayface destroys several things in the trailer]'' I'm not an actor anymore! I'm not even... a ''man''! ''[Sobs softly]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Clayface''': Not even the Batman could stop me, Teddy. And that means ''Daggett'' won't have a prayer. :'''Teddy''': Matt, please, you don't wanna do anything crazy. Why don't you try to get some shuteye? :'''Clayface''': ''[growls]'' DON'T YOU DARE PATRONIZE ME!!! I told you I don't need rest! I don't need food! AND I DON'T NEED YOU!!!! ''[grabs Teddy and throws him to a bookcase then walks out the door]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Roland Daggett is at a talk show talking about Renuyu facial cream and the host entertains audience questions]'' :'''Woman''': I'd like to ask Mr. Daggett about the rumors I've heard. I hear he's selling Renuyu through direct marketing because stores won't carry it due to its harmful side effects. :'''[[w:Roland Daggett|Roland Daggett]]''': Well that's, uh, absolutely untrue- :'''Woman''': ''[stands up and approaches him]'' What about the addictive properties of Renuyu, Mr. Daggett? Once you're hooked, you can't stop using it without horrible...''pain!'' :'''Daggett''': No! I mean... That's just not so! :'''Woman''': Why don't you show them what an ''overdose'' can do, Daggett?! Why don't you tell them ''[voices goes deeper]'' about ME?! ''[transforms into Clayface]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Batman tricks Clayface into confronting him in a recording room, where he turns multiple screens showing headshots of Clayface's past roles]'' :'''Clayface''': What are you doing?! Stop it! :'''Batman''': Look at them, Hagan. Look at what you used to be! :'''Clayface''': No, no! Turn them off...! :'''Batman''': You ''can'' play those roles again, Hagan. Let me help you find a cure. :'''Clayface''': ''[begins to shapeshift into his past roles]'' No! Hagan's gone! Make him stop haunting me! ''[begins to uncontrollably shapeshift into his past roles]'' Stop it! Turn them off! I can't control it! I can't be all of them! Not all at once! :''[Batman tries to turn on some more screens, but Clayface knocks him out of the way and smashes the control panels; Clayface yanks off one of the screens and throws it at Batman, who dodges; the screen hits the big screen, causing an explosion; the police arrive to see Clayface in his shapeshifting seizure as he shifts his face into Bruce Wayne]'' :'''Officer''': Mother of mercy! It looks just like Bruce Wayne! :''[Clayface punches through two screens, electrocuting him and reverting back into his true form and he topples over; Batman walks up to Clayface]'' :'''Clayface''': ''[morphs into Matt Hagan]'' You know what I'd have given for a death scene like this? ''[morphs into his scarred form]'' Too bad I won't get to... read the notices. ''[faints and reverts back to his true form.]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Lucius Fox''': I'm just glad to know it wasn't really Bruce Wayne who attacked me. :'''Summer Gleeson''': Thank you, Mr. Fox. All charges against Wayne have, of course, been dropped. And Roland Daggett remains in custody. :''[as Alfred turns off the TV, Batman is experimenting with a piece of Clayface's clay]'' :'''Alfred''': My word, sir. I should think after all this, it would time to rest. :'''Batman''': Look. A piece of clay left behind when they took Hagan's body away. Watch. ''[zaps the clay with electricity, causing it to morph into multiple shapes]'' :'''Alfred''': Electricity has no effect on it? :'''Batman''': Exactly. ''[scene changes to a morgue where a doctor uncovers Clayface's body; voice-over]'' I wouldn't be surprised if the body they took to the morgue was only a shell. ''[Clayface's body cracks and crumbles into little pieces]'' Don't forget, first and foremost, Hagan was an actor. ''[scene changes to Teddy outside the hospital]'' He said it himself, Alfred. He called it a scene. Maybe the greatest scene in his career. :'''Teddy''': ''[sadly]'' See you 'round, Matt. ''[walks away]'' :'''Batman''': A death scene so real... it fooled us all. :''[A woman laughs maniacally as her voice grows deeper and her eyes turn yellow, revealing her to be a disguised Clayface]'' ===''Joker's Favor'' [1.22]=== :'''[[w:Joker (comics)|Joker]]''': ''[tosses two pennies on the ground]'' There's your two cents. Now, what are you going to do to me? :'''Charlie''': Listen.... I... O'm sorry, really! I.... I had a bad day. Boss turned down my raise, and... :'''Joker''': Now look, my rude friend! We can't have people cursing at each other on the freeway. It's simply ''not polite''! ''[jumps down and grabs him]'' I'm just going to have to teach you some manners. ''[reaches into his coat]'' :'''Charlie''': Please don't! I have a family, a wife, a little boy! Please! I'll do anything to make it up! Anything! :'''Joker''': Anything, says you? ''[Charlie nods; Joker releases him]'' Okee-dokee! Wallet. :'''Charlie''': Uh, okay. I don't have much cash. :'''Joker''': Oh, please! Don't insult me! ''[takes out driver's license]'' Charles Michael Collins. That's you! Tsk tsk, lousy picture, though. Lousy! Address, height, weight, blah blah blah. ''[tosses the wallet back and keeps the license]'' Righty-o, Chuckers! Here's the deal. I'll let you off if you promise to do a little favor for me. :'''Charlie''': Okay. What? :'''Joker''': ''I DON'T KNOW! I HAVEN'T THOUGHT OF IT YET!'' You just toddle on back to your mundane, meaningless little life, and when I need you, I'll call. Fair? Good? Great! I'll be in touch. ''[walks away, laughing maniacally]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Charlie''': Hello? :'''Joker''': Hello, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': Wrong number, pal. My name is Don. :'''Joker''': Oh, no, no, no. This IS the right number, Charles Michael Collins. Oh, I don't know why you changed your name to Don Wallace and moved your family to 12 Marigold Lane, Springdale, Ohio. One might think you were trying to skip out on our little deal. ''[to Harley Quinn]'' Leave the sideburns. :'''Charlie''': Uh... how did you find me? :'''Joker''': Oh, I never lost you, Chaz. You've become my... HOBBY!! ''[laughs maniacally]'' Now, listen up, Charlie Brown. You're booked on the next flight to Gotham. Tell the family you have to visit a sick friend. Oh, and let's keep this to ourselves, 'kay? Bad things happen to people who gossip, capisce, Carlo? ''[Charlie looks out the window to see Joker's henchmen pull up to his house]'' :'''Charlie''': Yeah... :'''Joker''': Good! See ya! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': You miserable little ''nobody!'' If I get caught, your wife and son are history! :'''Charlie''': You're not getting caught. Not this time. I found this blown out of the van. :''[He pulls one of the Joker's bombs from his jacket, and the Joker looks shocked and afraid]'' :'''Charlie''': This is how it ends, Joker. No big schemes, no grand fight to the finish with the Dark Knight. Tomorrow, all the papers will say is that the great Joker was found blown to bits in an alley, alongside a "miserable little nobody"! ''[chuckles]'' Kinda funny. Ironic, really. See? I can destroy a man's dreams too! And that's really the only dream you've got, isn't it?! :'''Joker''': ''[still scared]'' Look, Charlie, you've had a busy day! All this running around, all this excitement with... ''[yelling out desperately]'' '''''BATMAN!''''' Stop! You... you're crazy! :'''Charlie''': I had a good teacher! ''[chuckles]'' Say goodnight, Gracie! :'''Joker''': ''[terrified, trying to crawl away]'' NO! '''BATMAN! ''BATMAN!''''' ''[sees Batman in the shadows, and gasps with relief and annoyance]'' How long have you been there?! :'''Batman''': Long enough. Put it down, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': You know he'll just escape again! This is the only way my family stays safe! :'''Joker''': All right, you win! Take it easy! ''[surrenders his notebook to Batman]'' Here's everything on his blasted family - names, addresses, it's all there! You're no fun anymore, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': Hey, Joker! ''[throws the bomb at the Joker, who cowers behind Batman - only for the "bomb" to release harmless confetti]'' Gotcha! :''[Batman lets out a short laugh]'' :'''Joker''': ''[dryly]'' Oh, very funny. A million laughs. :'''Batman''': Go home, Mr. Collins. :'''Charlie''': Home. I never thought that could sound so good. I wonder what Bonnie's making for dinner. Right now, anything would taste great. Even meatloaf. ===''Vendetta'' [1.23]=== :'''Batman''': Here's how it works, slimeball. I have questions, and if you have answers, I'll leave you alone. :'''Rupert Thorne''': Oh, I have plenty of answers... thirty-eight caliber answers. Now then, you were saying? :'''Batman''': ''[Using Thorne as a shield]'' I was saying, you'd better hope your men are ''very'' good shots. It's too hot in here. Let's get some air. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Killer Croc''': Terrific. Just what I need now. The freak job in the cape. :'''Batman''': You're no prize yourself. :'''Killer Croc''': ''[strangling Batman]'' What can I tell you now? Being a reptile man ain't pretty... but it's got its upside. Like having the strength of a crocodile, for instance! But I guess you've learned that by now, huh? ''[forcing Batman into the water]'' The hard way. You know, they used to call "Killer Croc" the meanest dude in the Wrestling Federation. Now they'll call him the guy who iced the Batman! :'''Batman''': ''[flip-kicks Killer Croc really hard and gets out of the water]'' Don't hold your breath. ===''Fear Of Victory'' [1.24]=== :'''Mr. Lucky''': Lost? You have that bewildered look, but your sort always does. :'''Thug''': ''[grabs him threateningly]'' I ain't lost. I'm lookin' for you! I wanna know how come you always win, Mr. Lucky. :'''Mr. Lucky''': It's quite simple, actually. I fix the games. :'''Thug''': You can't fix ''all'' those sports. Nobody can! :'''Mr. Lucky''': Oh, ye of little brain, allow me to illustrate. ''[hands the thug an envelope laced in fear toxin]'' Here. You can read, can't you? :'''Thug''': ''[reads it]'' "Boo!" Hey, is this some kinda joke? :'''Mr. Lucky''': It's no joke, I assure you. It's the fear of victory, and the agony of... ''[the thug pulls Mr. Lucky out of the shadows, revealing his true identity]'' '''the Scarecrow!''' :''[The thug gasps in fear, now a victim of his toxin]'' :'''Scarecrow''': So now you understand Step One in how I fix an athletic contest. ''[Scarecrow comes closer to the thug, causing him to fall into some stacks of hay]'' I shall proceed to Step Two! ''[chuckles evilly]'' :'''Thug''': No! NO! GET AWAY! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': There's enough powder in that helmet to panic a pachyderm! He should be postering himself, crying for mercy! :'''Batman''': Change of luck, Scarecrow? :'''Scarecrow''': YOU! :'''Batman''': You're aware that gambling is illegal in Gotham? :'''Scarecrow''': I need the money, Batman! You know the cost of chemicals these days. And it will take much more than this to bring every pathetic person in Gotham to their knees, kissing my feet! ''[reveals a vial of his fear chemical and dangles it above the crowd]'' No closer, Batman! Unless you want a stampede of half-crazed humanity crushing and clawing each other! Now... what guarantee do I have you won't follow me? :'''Batman''': You have my word, Scarecrow. Just don't drop the vial. :'''Scarecrow''': Actually, Batman, I'd prefer a little insurance that you'll be otherwise occupied! ''[drops it]'' ===''The Clock King'' [1.25]=== :'''Fugate''': (after judgment has been passed) No! You can't! I'll be ruined! :'''Judge''': Then perhaps this will teach you to be on time for a change. :'''Batman''': What kind of a saboteur uses a six-thousand dollar Metronex to set a time bomb? :'''Alfred''': A saboteur with too much money? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman:''' Hold it! :'''Fugate:''' Well, well. The Batman. It's about time you showed up! I suppose you want to know why I've brought Downtown Gotham to a standstill, Batman. Hm? Well, let's just say it's because I'm a civic minded citizen with a lot of time on his hands. :'''Batman''': I want some answers, wise guy. Talk! :'''Fugate''': A pity. I don't know what to tell you, Batman - except perhaps that the 9:15 is always six minutes early. :''(He falls off the building and lands safely on the roof of an oncoming train as it speeds away)'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mayor Hill is tied to the hands of a huge clock]'' :'''Clock King''': Comfortable, Hill? Well you won't be for long! At 3:15 on the dot, those hands will come together and you'll be crushed like an insect. 3:15, Hill. Does that time hold any meaning for you? :'''Mayor Hill''': I don't know what you're talking about! :'''Clock King''': You told me to take my coffee break at 3:15. :'''Mayor Hill''': What?! :'''Clock King''': You don't remember?! My ''court date!'' :'''Mayor Hill''': ''[finally realizing]'' Oh my Lord! The lawsuit! Fugate! I swear I was only trying to help! :'''Clock King''': Don't hand me that! You did it on purpose! The plaintiffs were represented by your law firm, Mr. Mayor! :'''Mayor Hill''': But I had nothing to do with that case, Fugate! :'''Clock King''': Not that it matters anymore. Now that you have an appointment to keep, at 3:15 precisely—with the '''Grim Reaper!''' ''[begins laughing maniacally]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I'm here to clean your clock, Fugate. :'''Fugate''': Don't count on it, Batman. When it comes to clocks, ''I'' am king. ''En garde''! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Stop this, Fugate! Hill committed no crime against you! :'''Temple Fugate''': He did worse than that! He made me late! :'''Batman''': Fugate! You can't escape! :'''Clock King''': Au contraire, Batman. You of all people should know, there's always a way out! :''(Fugate begins laughing maniacally as a huge clock wheel falls on him, sending him to his apparent death)'' ===''Appointment In Crime Alley'' [1.26]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': Roland Daggett's up to something, Alfred. :'''Alfred''': That almost goes without saying, doesn't it, sir? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Leslie Thompkins''': This used to be a beautiful street. Good people lived here once. :'''Batman''': ''[placing two roses on the ground]'' Good people still live in Crime Alley. ===''Mad As A Hatter'' [1.27]=== :'''Jervis Tetch''': ''[Discussing the subject of Alice to his lab rats.]'' Of course, intellectually I know it's wrong. After all, she has a boyfriend. Better to withdraw like a gentleman- forget her, turn my heart to other pursuits. ''[Brief pause]'' NEVER! After all, I've created a chip strong enough to control a human brain! It would be so easy to make her forget her boorish beau and love ME! But...that would reduce her to a soulless shell. No...not my Alice. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman has cornered Jervis Tetch, who just subdued Alice with her mindcontrol card and is at a dinner table with him]'' :'''Jervis Tetch/Mad Hatter''': I'll cut that cowl off your neck before you'll take her! I've waited my whole lonely life for her! :'''Batman''': Then all you've waited for is a puppet. A soulless little doll. :'''Mad Hatter''': It didn't have to be this way! You made me do this to her! ===''Dreams In Darkness'' [1.28]=== :'''Batman''': "There's always time to heal", the doctor told me, but he was wrong. There was no time left. Not for me, not for him, and not for Gotham City. And as long as I remained trapped in Arkham, there was nothing I could do, except wait for the end and remember the beginning. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': An entire city, screaming in fear... I wonder if we'll be able to hear it... ===''Eternal Youth'' [1.29]=== :'''Mrs. Thomas''': You wicked, evil- :'''Poison Ivy''': Evil, Mrs. Thomas? I don't control a company that leveled a thousand-year-old forest for a strip mine! THAT'S evil! ''[sprays a gas which causes Mrs. Thomas to become petrified; steals a pair of earrings]'' You and your kind owe Mother Nature a big debt, and I am here to make sure you pay up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': Right now, the bark is merely exoskeletal. It will take months of additional spraying before the transformations become irreversible. But, of course, I have the patience of a redwood. :'''Batman''': ''[snarling]'' And the convictions of a fanatic! :'''Poison Ivy''': Well, if you're not going to be part of the solution, you're obviously part of the problem. Ladies? :''[Ivy's henchwomen begin to spray Batman with the growth formula]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': This spray is triple-strength, Batman! It will start the transformation without any preliminaries! ''[Nothing seems to happen to Batman as he unties his hands]'' He should be sprouting leaves by now! :'''Batman''': ''[Unties his hands and stands up, blocking the spray with his cape as he advances]'' You made your secret too accessible, Ivy! I coated my outfit with a herbicidal antidote! :'''Poison Ivy''': Keep spraying! ''[Violet and Lily back away, still spraying, but Batman subdues them both]'' ===''Perchance To Dream'' [1.30]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': Make it stop! Bring me back! :'''Mad Hatter''': I'm crushed! You don't like the fantasy world I've created for you? :'''Bruce Wayne''': It's not real! :'''Mad Hatter''': Ah! Are you the dreamer, or merely part of someone's dream? ''[chuckles]'' That was just the question Tweedledee put to Alice in ''Through the Looking''-- :'''Bruce Wayne''': THIS ISN'T SOME SILLY STORYBOOK! :'''Mad Hatter''': Ah, but it is! It's a beautiful story! You have love, wealth, a family, all you ever wanted - your own private Wonderland! :'''Bruce Wayne''': '''''NO!''''' I ''won't'' live a lie! No matter how attractive you make it! :'''Mad Hatter''': It's a moot point, my friend. There's no way out of this! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mad Hatter''': You see? In a moment, the police will be here. Do you want to spend the rest of your dream life in Arkham?! :'''Cop''': Open up, Mr. Wayne! :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[looking down off the ledge]'' You're wrong - there IS a way out! :'''Mad Hatter''': N-N-N-Now wait just a minute! You don't want to do anything foolish! This isn't an ordinary dream! What if you're wrong?! :'''Bruce Wayne''': '''''Then I'll see you in your NIGHTMARES!''' [runs towards the ledge to jump off it]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mad Hatter''': It's impossible! No one's will is strong enough to escape my dream machine! :'''Batman''': ''[snarling with rage] '''Why?''''' Why did you do it?! :'''Mad Hatter''': ''YOU'', of all people, have the ''GALL'' to ask me that?! ''[tearing up]'' YOU RUINED MY LIFE! I was willing to give you whatever life you wanted, JUST TO KEEP YOU OUT OF ''MINE!'' ===''The Cape & Cowl Conspiracy'' [1.31]=== :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Look up "slippery" in the dictionary and you get Josiah Wormwood. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[About the [[w:Bat-Signal|Bat-Signal]]]'' Got a new toy, I see. :'''Gordon''': I figured it might come in handy. ===''[[w:Robin's Reckoning|Robin's Reckoning Part 1]]'' [1.32]=== :''[Robin and Batman are doing a stakeout]'' :'''Robin''': If I knew it was going to take THIS long, I would've brought my homework. You sure about this extortion ring? :'''Batman''': ''[Looking at the construction site through binoculars]'' Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': It's been four hours. :'''Batman''': Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': You still think they'll show? :'''Batman''': Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': Lucky for me, you're such a good conversationalist. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': If you protect him, Stromwell, I'll be very... GRUMPY. [[The Incredible Hulk|You don't want to see me when I'm grumpy]]. ===''[[w:Robin's Reckoning|Robin's Reckoning Part 2]]'' [1.33]=== :'''[[w:Tony Zucco|Tony Zucco]]''': I'm not back in town five minutes - FIVE MINUTES - and he's on my tail. You don't know the Bat. He don't let up! He's the dark angel of death, man, and he wants ME! :'''Mick''': ... Why you, boss? :'''Zucco''': HOW SHOULD I KNOW?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Robin is about to throw Tony Zucco off the pier]'' :'''Tony Zucco''': No, don't! Please... :'''Batman''': Robin! Enough. ''[limps towards him]'' You can't let your emotions get the best of you. :'''Robin''': Stuff your advice, Batman! You and your stone-cold heart! You don't know how I feel. HOW COULD YOU?!? ''[Batman looks at him, and Robin realizes what he said]'' Batman, I didn't mean to... I'm sorry. ''[after he sees the police coming, Robin seemingly readies to throw Zucco off the pier but simply throws him to the ground. The cops arrive and arrest Zucco.]'' You were right, you know, not bringing me along. You knew I'd take it too personally. :'''Batman''': It wasn't that, Robin. It wasn't that at all. Zucco's taken so much, caused you so much pain. I couldn't stand the thought that he might... take you, too. :'''Robin''': ''[putting a hand on Batman's shoulder]'' Come on, partner. It's been a long night. ===''The Laughing Fish'' [1.34]=== :'''Alfred''': ''[seeing Batman with a Joker Fish]'' Dining in tonight, sir? :'''Batman''': ''[sighs]'' The dissection tray, please, Alfred... :'''Alfred''': Any idea what our happy friend is up to now? :'''Batman''': Normal criminals usually have logical motives, but the Joker's insane schemes make sense to him alone. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': Ah-ah-ah-ahem! Look alive, wage slaves. Presenting that caliph of clowns, that mogul of mountebanks, the one and only Joker! :''[The Joker enters, laughing maniacally]'' :'''Francis''': Great Scott! :'''Joker''': Actually, I'm Irish. Good morning, Mister, err, ''[looks at his desk's name plate]'' Francis! Please allow me to introduce my associates. Miss Quinn. :'''Harley Quinn''': ''Enchante''! :'''Joker''': And Messrs, uh... oh, their names escape me for the moment. No matter! We gentlemen of business have arrangements to discuss. :'''Francis''': A... Arrangements? :'''Joker''': ''[drops a Joker Fish onto his desk]'' For my fish, of course! This has all been worked out far in advance, Francis. You are merely the last tiny cog in my grand design! So don't speak to me again, 'kay? Now, what is everyone in town talking about? :'''Francis''': Err... your fish? :'''Joker''': ''[smacks him with the fish]'' I TOLD YOU NOT TO SPEAK! :'''Harley''': ''[sniffs Francis]'' Ooh, fish stink-a-roony! ''[sprays him with a substance from a perfume bottle, making him cough]'' All better! :'''Joker''': As I was saying, since every fish in Gotham now bares my famous and frankly ''fabulous'' face, I should be getting a profit from every fish product sold. ''[one of his thugs pours out a pile of products]'' Let's say a nickel per fish sandwich, fifty cents for sardines - millions of dollars a day to finance my happily hedonistic lifestyle! So which of your tedious copyright forms do I fill out first? You may speak now. :'''Francis''': No one can copyright fish. They're a natural resource. :'''Joker''': But they share my unique face! [[w:Colonel Sanders|Colonel What's-His-Name]] has chickens, and they don't even have moustaches! :'''Francis''': I can't help it, it's the law! :'''Joker''': Oh! Trying to cheat the Joker, are ya?! Well, we'll see who has the last laugh. You have until midnight to change your mind, Francis, or you'll be the poorest fish of all! ''[leaves, laughing madly, with his thugs following]'' :'''Harley''': ''[blows Francis a kiss as she follows]'' Buh-bye! :'''Francis''': He's crazy...! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Francis''': Err, Batman? Why is this happening to me? I've never done anything to this Joker. I'm just a paper-pusher, I can't change the laws. I'm harmless! :'''Batman''': And in his sick mind, that's the joke, Mr. Francis. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Feeling all right? :'''Francis''': ''[scratching himself]'' Oh, sure. It's just that everything's been so crazy today. I haven't even had time to rinse off that gunk the Joker's girl squirted on me... :'''Batman''': ''[to Gordon]'' GET THIS MAN TO A HOSPITAL! ''NOW!'' :'''Francis''': What?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': You're right, Harley. Fish ''are'' disgusting. I think I'll start using my toxin on cattle. Joker Burgers! Ha! Talk about a [[w:McDonald's|Happy Meal!]] <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': ''[after hitting Batman with a big wrench]'' Meanwhile, back at the "wrench"...! Since my sidesplitters don't tickle you, how 'bout a ''skull''-splitter?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After the Joker is seemingly eaten by the shark]'' :'''Harley''': ''[sniffing sadly]'' Oh, my poor, poor puddin'... :'''Bullock''': Come on, he was a demented, abusive, psychotic maniac. :'''Harley''': Yeah... I'm really gonna miss him! ''[sobs into her handkerchief]'' :'''Gordon''': Do you think he's gone for good? :'''Batman''': Believe me, Jim, I wish it were true. But deep inside, I doubt it. ===''Night Of The Ninja'' [1.35]=== :'''[[w:Kyodai Ken|Kyodai Ken]]''': ''[Throwing Bruce]'' Don't be depressed, Wayne-san. You're not bad for a rich man's pampered son. :'''Sensei''': ''[Leaps across room and throws Kyodai]'' There's always someone better, Kyodai. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': His name is Kyodai Ken. He was good. :'''Robin''': Yeah? How good? :'''Batman''': ''[Quickly]'' Good. :'''Robin''': I see. <hr width="80%"/> ===''Cat Scratch Fever'' [1.36]=== :'''Selina Kyle''': Don't tell me you're my very own private probation officer. How often would you like me to check in? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': "Viral Antitoxins". For a plague that doesn't exist, yet, but if the plague is introduced via stray dogs and cats, it will blanket Gotham City within weeks! :'''Roland Daggett''': Days, actually. You know how many strays there are in Gotham, Batman? Three hundred thousand! Imagine if even a tenth of them carried the virus. Not only will this little bottle make me a hero, it'll make me a fortune as well. ===''The Strange Secret Of Bruce Wayne'' [1.37]=== :''[Joker, Two-Face, and Penguin are bidding over Batman's secret identity]'' :'''Two-Face''': $500,000 :'''Penguin''': Poof. Chicken feed. I'll bet a million! :'''Two-Face''': ''TWO'' Million! :'''Strange''': I have two million. Do I hear three? :'''Joker''': Hold it, hold it, HOLD IT! :'''Two-Face''': Get outta my face, clown! :'''Joker''': Which one? :''[An angered Two-Face is about to attack Joker, but Penguin intervenes]'' :'''Penguin''': Gentlemen, it behooves us not to fight amongst ourselves. :'''Joker''': Well put, sardine breath! I think we should ''pool'' our resources on this. $51,240,685! ''[gets out a little coin purse, and pours out some coins]'' And uh, 53 cents. :'''Strange''': Sold! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Strange''': Joker, please! I was set up! Bruce Wayne is Batman! :'''Two-Face''': That's absurd! I know Bruce Wayne. If he's Batman, I'm the King of England! :'''Joker''': And people say I'M crazy! ===''Heart Of Steel Part 1'' [1.38]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': And who's your little friend? :''[Barbara takes a teddy bear out of her purse]'' :'''Barbara Gordon''': Oh, this is Wubby. I've had him forever. Dad won't pick me up at the airport without bringing him along. :'''Commissioner Gordon''': ''[blushing]'' Well... he knows the way better than I do. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': ''[After learning about the AI project]'' Sounds as if the human race could become quite expendable, except for butlers, of course. :'''Batman''': Of course. ===''Heart Of Steel Part 2'' [1.39]=== :'''Randa''': You have immobilized the maker. :'''[[w:HARDAC|HARDAC]]''': His human imperfection endangers the plan. He must be improved upon. <hr width="50%"/> :'''HARDAC''': The maker's concept was sound, but he did not go far enough - which is why I have taken over. ===''If You're So Smart, Why Aren't You Rich?'' [1.40]=== :'''[[w:Riddler|Edward Nygma]]''': ''[Being cheated out of the sales of his game]'' You are a fool, Mockridge, to think you can get away with this! Your amoral greed is no match for an intellect like mine! :'''Mockridge''': Oh, yeah? Then tell me something, Eddie: if you're so smart, why aren't you ''rich?'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman reprograms the Hand of Fate, and uses it to carry himself and Robin to the centre of the maze]'' :'''Riddler''': That is grand-scale CHEATING, Batman! You're not allowed to tamper with the Hand of Fate! :'''Batman''': I don't believe in fate! :'''Riddler''': You probably don't believe in Minotaurs either, but you'll still have to answer the Riddle. :'''Minotaur Robot''': ''I have billions of eyes, yet I live in darkness. I have millions of ears, yet only four lobes. I have no muscles, yet I move two hemispheres. What am I?'' :'''Batman''': ''[pauses in thought]'' That's simple: the human brain. ''[The Minotaur backs away]'' It has billions of optic and auditory nerves, four lobes and two hemispheres, and it's the only thing Edward Nygma respects. :'''Riddler''': A lucky guess, that's all! But it won't save you, Batman! ''[to the Minotaur]'' DESTROY THEM! ===''Joker's Wild'' [1.41]=== :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[as Joker changes the channel in the TV]'' Hey, I was watching that! :'''Joker''': And now you're watching this! :'''Poison Ivy''': Change it back! :'''Joker''': Nope, nope, nope, nope, don't want to. :'''Poison Ivy''': Guard! :'''Security Guard''': What's the problem? :'''Joker''': Don't look now, Sonny Jim, but the plant lady's gone whackers again. :'''Poison Ivy''': He started it! I was just sitting here! :'''Joker''': That's right, you're always blaming me. And the children wonder why we fight! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...the Joker's Wild! :''[Cameron Kaiser cuts the ribbon and unveils a casino with a gigantic Joker head. He is seen spoken to by Summer Gleeson]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': Ugh, that is disgusting! :'''Cameraman''': Psst, Summer! We're on the air! :'''Summer Gleeson''': ''[mortified]'' Oh! Uh... there you have it! Let's get a reaction from the guests. Mr. Wayne? :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[equally nauseated]'' No comment. :'''Summer Gleeson''': Mr. Kaiser, why build a casino seemingly in honor of one of history's most notorious outlaws? :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Summer, please! Wild Joker is a classic symbol, long associated with cards and games. I can't help it if there's a some passing resemblance to some criminal fruitcake. :''[An enraged Joker smashes the television]'' :'''Joker''': How dare that smug, preening fool try to cash in on ''MY'' image! :'''Poison Ivy''': Now who should lighten up? :'''Joker''': Don't get cute with me, Red. He's ripping me off! I'll protest! Yeah! I'll sue! Then I'll rip his lungs out! And I will, too! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': It was a scheme worthy of ''me'', Kaiser, the way you got me riled up and turned me loose on this place! :'''Cameron Kaiser''': You...! You were supposed to destroy the casino! :'''Joker''': Yeah, but then I realized it'd be more fun to get rid of you and run the show myself! :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Bu-But you can't...! :'''Joker''': Oh please, Mr. Kaiser! You of all people should have realized there'd be a Joker in the deck! ''[laughs]'' ===''Tyger Tyger'' [1.42]=== :'''Dorian''': I want to test Tygrus' reflexes and feral strength, and who better to pit him against than you? I'll give you a generous head start before I release Tygrus. If you defeat him, I shall relinquish this, the antigen to reverse Catwoman's mutation. :'''Batman''': How do I know you'll keep your word? :'''Dorian''': You don't. The clock is ticking, Batman. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': So you ''can'' talk. :'''Tygrus''': My father taught me. :'''Batman''': Your father was a test tube. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': Batman! The antidote! I'll be stuck like this forever! :'''Tygrus''': Would that be so bad? You could stay here, with me. :'''Catwoman''': Oh, Tygrus... I can't live like this, I have to be human again. :'''Tygrus''': ''[sadly, taking her hands in his]'' Goodbye, Selina. :''[As he leaves, Catwoman sees that he has given here the serum. She looks overjoyed, then calls out to him]'' :'''Catwoman''': Wait - won't you come with us? There's nothing for you here. :'''Tygrus''': There's nothing for me anywhere. ''[disappears into the falling rain]'' :'''Batman''': ''[in voiceover]'' "[[w:The Tyger|Tyger Tyger burning bright, in the forests of the night: what immortal hand or eye, dare frame thy fearful symmetry?]]" ===''Moon Of The Wolf'' [1.43]=== :'''Professor Milo''': What you're suffering from is an early stage of lycanthropy, more commonly known as werewolfism; for that I have no treatment. However, advanced werewolfism can be cured. :'''Anthony Romulus''': ''[after a wolf howls, Anthony starts transforming]'' Ohhh, you fool! There's no telling what the werewolf might do! :'''Professor Milo''': Hey, ask me if I care. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Do me a favour, shaggy: stay down! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bullock''': No trace of Wolfie! We checked the shoreline for miles! But in four weeks, there's another full moon. Then we'll know for sure. ===''Day Of The Samurai'' [1.44]=== :''[Batman swoops away after rescuing his Sensei's student, Kairi]'' :'''Kairi''': ''[In Japanese]'' Spirit of the bat... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yoru''': If you see Batman, tell him I have great respect for him. :'''Bruce''': Why? He's as much a ninja as Kyodai was. :'''Yoru''': Not so. Batman offered to help his adversary, and a lesser man would have used the secrets of the Onemuri touch against his opponent. Batman is the essence of samurai, Wayne-san. You would do well to remember that. :'''Bruce''': ''[bows]'' Domo arigato, sensei. ===''Terror In The Sky'' [1.45]=== :'''Batman''': Reports of a huge bat creature the size of a man. Remind you of anybody? :'''Alfred''': Present company excluded? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You couldn't leave it alone, could you, March? You've recreated the mutagen. :'''March''': ''[aiming a tranquilizer rifle at him]'' Recreated it? I've ''refined'' it! At night, on my own, so the others wouldn't know. I still believe only a creature like a Man-Bat can survive the next evolutionary cataclysm - and it will! My new serum could be even more powerful than Kirk's! :'''Batman''': ''[after disarming March]'' "''Could'' be"? What do you mean? :'''March''': I needed to test it, but before I had the chance-- :'''Batman''': ''[clearly surprised]'' You mean you ''haven't'' taken it? :'''March''': Of course not! The experimental batch was destroyed. I'll have to-- :'''Batman''': Destroyed? How? :'''March''': I'd been working through the night. I was just completing the final combination. ''[remembers incident at his lab as he drops the beaker of mutagen upon Francine's surprise entry]'' Francine burst in. I was startled. You have to understand I was very tired, I accidentally dropped the beaker. The whole night's work, ruined! Francine never guessed what I was doing, she even helped me clean up the mess. All that... glass! ''[recalls Francine licking her finger after it is pricked by a small shard of glass]'' Oh... oh, my lord... Francine! The mutagen - it's in ''her'' bloodstream now! ''[breaks down at his folly as Batman loads a tranquilizer into a pistol of his and then gives March the formula paperwork]'' :'''Batman''': Is ''that'' what it's going to take? Your daughter's life, before you end this insanity? :''[Later that night, March burns the files]'' ===''Almost Got 'Im'' [1.46]=== :'''Joker''': I want a nice clean game, gentlemen. :'''Penguin''': That'll be a first. So, I hear 'you-know-who' nailed the Mad Hatter last week. :'''Joker''': No kidding. He sure gets around for one guy. :'''Two-Face''': Yeah, well that's where you're wrong. I don't think it IS one guy. :'''[[w:Killer Croc|Killer Croc]]''': Huh? :'''Two-Face''': The way I figure it, Gordon's got a bunch of 'em stashed someplace like a SWAT team. He wants you to think it's one guy, but- :'''Joker''': Meh. You're always seeing double. :'''Penguin''': It's obvious our caped friend suffered some crime-related trauma when he was younger. Perhaps an over-anxious mugger blew off a piece of his face. :'''Joker''': Sure! He could be all gross and disgusting under that mask! ''[as Two-Face crushes a milk carton]'' Uh, no offense, Harv. :'''Two-Face''': Just deal. :'''Killer Croc''': Well, ya know what ''I'' think? :'''Joker''': Not the robot theory again... :'''Killer Croc''': Well, he COULD be. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Two-Face''': Poison Ivy... :'''Poison Ivy''': It's been a long time Harvey. You're still looking...halfway decent. :'''Two-Face''': Half of me wants to strangle ya. :'''Poison Ivy''': And what's the other part want? :'''Two-Face''': To hit you with a truck! :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[to the others]'' We used to date. :'''Penguin/Joker''': Ah. ===''Birds Of A Feather'' [1.47]=== :'''[[w:Penguin (comics)|Penguin]]''': Say, who's there? Two-Face? Croc? Joker, old shoe? :'''Batman''': None of the above, Penguin. :'''Penguin''': Oh no, not you... :'''Batman''': Get used to it. Wherever you go, I'll be right behind you. :'''Penguin''': Precisely where you belong. But you needn't bother. Haven't you heard? I've reformed. Paid my debt to society, and all that. :'''Batman''': We'll see. I just came to tell you to keep your beak clean. :'''Penguin''': ''[grabs a can of rat poison]'' As long as you're here, won't you stay for a cappuccino? :''[Batman gives him an annoyed look before leaving]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Batman defeats a gang of thugs threatening the Penguin and Veronica]'' :'''Batman''': I knew you couldn't stay clean for more than one day. :'''Veronica''': Let him go! He didn't do anything. It was those brutes! :'''Batman''': ''[genuinely surprised]'' He wasn't with them? :'''Penguin''': That's right, you vulgar vigilante! In my day, I associated with a much higher class of riff-raff! :'''Veronica''': I'm so sorry, Ozzie. :'''Penguin''': As long as you weren't bruised, my peach. ''[kisses her hand]'' :'''Batman''': "Peach"? :'''Penguin''': Why don't you be a good masked man and ride off into the night? This time, ''I'll'' clean up after ''you.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Veronica''': Please, Oswald! If it's money you want, I can get you more! :'''Penguin''': ''SHUT UP!'' All I wanted from ''you'', dearie, was a little friendship. That would have cost you ''nothing.'' But now you'll pay! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Veronica''': Oswald? I really was growing fond of you. It's too bad this had to happen. :'''Penguin''': ''[coldly]'' I suppose it's true what they say: society is to blame. ''High'' society. ===''What Is Reality?'' [1.48]=== :'''Batman''': "Where does a 500 pound gorilla sleep?" "What's worse than a millipede with flat feet?" "How do you stuff five elephants into a compact car?" :'''Alfred''': Anywhere it wants, a giraffe with a sore throat, and two in the front seat, two in the back, and one in the trunk. :'''Batman''': Yeah, yeah. I know, I know. Any schoolboy knows those. But brain teasers are the Riddler's M.O. Not corny old jokes like these. :'''Alfred''': Perhaps the questions are the clues, not the answers. For example, they all seem to involve animals. :'''Batman''': Also numbers. A ''500'' pound gorilla. A millipede, meaning a thousand legs. And five elephants. Now let's convert them to Roman numerals. ''[he does, revealing the letters DMV]'' Look! :'''Alfred''': DMV... :'''Batman and Alfred''': Department of Motor Vehicles! :'''Alfred''': But I recall you mentioning he'd already obliterated his records there, so why return? :'''Batman''': For the hard copy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no tales. :'''Batman''': Another riddle, Nygma? :''[Four quarters and a single penny emerge from the return change chute]'' :'''Riddler''': It all makes sense when you add it up! :''[In the Batmobile]'' :'''Alfred''': Four quarters and a penny, sir? :'''Batman''': Penny... Penny... Cent... Red cent... Copper. It's made of copper. :'''Alfred''': And "copper" is another word for a policeman. :'''Batman''': And "no tails" would be heads. Police head... Quarters! :'''Alfred''': Police Headquarters. Bravo, sir! It does make "cents" when you add it up! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': He can't be online! I searched through every file. :'''Riddler''': You searched the software. Had you bothered to examine the hardware you would have discovered a cordless modem line. :'''Riddler''': A pity you can't earn extra lives in this game.Quite an experience being riddled with questions, isn't it, Batman :'''Robin''': Batman don't open that door Crazy Intent means Loco Motion! Batman finds himself on a chessboard: :'''Riddler''':Only Batman can put the King in check and you have to move according to the rules or its the end of the day :'''Robin''':They call you the dark Knight..so you have to move like a knight (If Batman fails to move as a knight it'll be "KNightfall" (!) :'''Riddler''':Careful, vigilante, you know what they say, "Curiosity killed the Bat". :'''Batman''': Can you solve it? :'''Robin''': Are you kidding? You're looking at the guy who solved the Baxter's Box puzzle in 37 seconds! Course, this time I don't have a sledge hammer... After escaping Riddler Virtual realty Traps, Batman tries to rescue Gordon from Riddler :'''Batman''': You may control this world, Nygma, but I still control myself! :'''Riddler''': The name is "Riddler"! Edward Nygma doesn't exist anymore! You may recall that he was once fired by an ungrateful employer! That was a private matter and was meant to remain one! :'''Batman''': Attempted homicide is never a "private matter", Nygma! :'''Riddler''': No, but it would have been if you hadn't interfered and turned Edward Nygma into a fugitive! So I deleted Nygma. Just as I'm about to delete you, Batman. :'''Batman''':Tell me this.. Riddler how can you spread your conscious thirty-two times..and still have the concentration to keep your world together? YOU CAN'T! Batman saves Gordon :'''Riddler''': No....NO..... I can escape that easy...but if the Planet was equitable...I'd still have my old Job....No...wait...I'M ...not Ready.....AHHHHH' :'''Gordon''': But we'll never find him :'''Batman''': I think he left us a clue..."If the planet were equitable, I'd still have my old job". :'''Robin''': Of course. If the "World's Fair," I'd still have my "Ex-position". Oh, give me a break. [Batman, Robin and Gordon find Riddler mind trapped in his virtual realty world] :'''Batman''': Looks like he didn't escape his virtual reality in time. :'''Robin''': You mean he's been trapped inside his own program? :'''Batman''': Could be and how to get him out may be a riddle no one can solve. ===''I Am The Night'' [1.49]=== :'''Batman''': A weary body can be dealt with. But a weary spirit? That's something else. Sometimes, old friend, I wonder if I'm really doing any good out there. :'''Alfred''': How can you doubt it? The lives you've saved, the criminals you've brought to justice-- :'''Batman''': I've put out a few fires, yes. Won a few battles. But the war goes on, Alfred. On and on... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Leslie Thompkins''': You seem quieter than usual tonight. :'''Batman''': Every year, I come here and wonder if it should be the last time. If I should put the past behind me, try to lead a normal life. :'''Dr. Thompkins''': [[George Santayana|Santayana]] says, "Those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it." :'''Batman''': He also said a fanatic is someone who redoubles his efforts while losing sight of his goal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I chose this life. I use the night - I ''became'' the night. Sooner or later, I'll go down. It might be the Joker, or Two-Face, or just some punk who gets lucky. My decision, no regrets. But I can't let anyone else pay for my mistakes. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': "[[Friedrich Nietzsche|When you look too long into the abyss, the abyss looks back through you.]]" Maybe it's time for Batman to return to the night that spawned him, before anyone else gets hurt! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[grabs Wizard]'' Up to your old tricks, I see. How about returning that suitcase to its owner? :'''Wizard''': Hey, man, I ''am'' the owner. :''[Batman, surprised, lets him go]'' :'''Wizard''': Y'know, I was kinda hoping I'd run into you. I'd been in those places like where you left me before. Heard the rap, wasn't impressed. But this time, it made sense. Maybe I was ready to hear it. So I'm heading back home. I guess I kinda owe it to you, Batman. You probably saved my life. I'll bet you hear this all the time. Look, I'm gonna miss my bus, I'll see you around. And... thanks. :''[Batman smiles as he watches Wizard leave]'' ===''Off Balance'' [1.50]=== :'''[[w:Talia al Ghul|Talia]]''': My contact lenses! I lost them when we fell! They counter the distortion effect. Without them, I'm as helpless as you. :'''Batman''': I don't do helpless. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Ra's al Ghul|Ra's al Ghul]]''': So even in defeat, the detective manages to achieve some small measure of victory. As you said, detective: this is not over. ===''The Man Who Killed Batman'' [1.51]=== :'''Joker''': You know, there's just one thing bothering me about your story, Sid. No body. No BATUS DELECTI so to speak. We need to pull a job tonight just to make sure. :'''Murphy, Joker's henchman''': Make sure what, boss? :'''Joker''': ''[surprised by Murphy's question]'' Why that old Batsy's bought the cave of course, and one more thing Murphy.....''[turning more annoyed]'' don't ask stupid questions. ''[pushes Murphy to the hyenas who scratch and lick him crazily, to Joker's satisfaction]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': I'll get the mop. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': When the cops come, stall them for awhile, just until Batman arrives. '' Got it?'' :'''Henchman''': Right, boss. :'''Joker''': ''[to Murphy, still scarred from the hyenas]'' Any questions, Murph? :'''Murphy''': No sir! :'''Joker''': ''[to Sid The Squid]'' Good man. And if Batman hasn't ''really'' gone to his final reward, ''we'll'' see that he gets there! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Dear friends... today is the day the Clown cried. And he cries not for the passing of one man, but for the death of a dream. The dream that he would someday taste the ultimate victory over his hated enemy. For it was the Batman who made me the happy soul I am today. How I agonized over the perfect way to thank him for that. Perhaps with a cyanide pie in the face. Or an exploding whoopie-cushion playfully planted in the Batmobile. But those dreams were dashed by the weaselly little gunsel sitting there in our midst. The cowardly insignificant gonif who probably got lucky when Batman slipped on the slime trail this loser left behind him. This mound of diseased hyena filth who's not fit to lick the dirt from my spats...! But I digress. The time for sorrow has passed. It's time to look to a future filled with smiles. And I'll be smiling again just as soon as we take that man THERE...and slap him in that box THERE...and roll him into that vat of acid THERE! Well that was fun...who's for Chinese?! ===''Mudslide'' [1.52]=== :'''Clayface''': ''[After civilians flee in terror upon seeing his true form]'' That's right, run! Run for your measly lives! Run from Clayface! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Clayface''': You've upstaged me for the last time, Batman. Time to bring down the curtain! ===''Paging The Crime Doctor'' [1.53]=== :'''Rupert Thorne''': You think you iced the Batman, huh? Heh heh heh... Not on your best day, Jake! I'd cover my back if I were you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce Wayne''': Bruce Wayne, Dr. Thorne. Thomas Wayne's son. Did you get my letter? :'''[[w:Joseph Campanella|Matthew Thorne]]''': Yes. Thomas Wayne... :'''Bruce Wayne''': I told you I can help with your legal costs, maybe even put in a good word with the judge. :'''Matthew Thorne''': Yes, but what do you get out of it? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Well, there is something you can do for me. :'''Matthew Thorne''': I knew it! I knew there'd be a catch. Sorry, Mr. Wayne. Matthew Thorne is no longer for sale! :'''Bruce Wayne''': I'm not looking for any illegal favors. :'''Matthew Thorne''': What then? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Something you know. Something only you can give me. ''[pause]'' Tell me about my father. :''[Dr. Thorne grins and camera pans out as he ushers Bruce to resume his seat]'' ===''Zatanna'' [1.54]=== :'''[[w:Zatanna|Zatanna]]''': What do you care about some leggy dame in nylons- or have I just answered my own question? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zatanna''': ''[About Batman's mask]'' What happened that made you put this on? :'''Batman''': A painful memory, and a promise. ===''The Mechanic'' [1.55]=== :'''The Penguin''': ''[furious at his men for stealing the wrong stamps by mistake]'' These are terrible! Terrible! :'''Eagleton''': ''[indignant]'' Come on, boss. Give me a break. We got you the stamps. What more do you want? :'''The Penguin''': ''[tossing the worthless stamps angrily]'' I wanted the rare ones! The reversed Audubons! These aren't worth enough to pay for the repairs to the limousine. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Earl Cooper''': ''[sees the damaged Batmobile]'' You been letting the kid drive again? :'''Robin''': Ha ha. Actually we were playing chicken with a penguin. :'''Batman''': Or three of his men. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Penguin is scrubbing license plates in prison]'' :'''Penguin''': ''[reading one]'' "1 BAT 4U"?! ''[breaks it in anger]'' ===''Harley and Ivy'' [1.56]=== :'''Joker''': NO, we didn't get the diamond! The Dork Knight showed up before we even got to the museum! I had a great shot at him, too. Except... my dear little Harley Quinn handed me the wrong gun! :'''Harley Quinn''': But puddin', it was kinda funny watching you shoot at him with the bang flag! ''[Rocco and Henshaw can't help laughing then stifle it as the Joker glares at them]'' :'''Joker''': ''[turning back to Harley]'' Funny? You presume to tell me what I should think is funny?!? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[Poison Ivy trips the alarm, spoiling and hers and Harley Quinn's separate robberies]'' Nice going, butterfingers! Why not turn on the Bat-Signal while you're at it? :'''Poison Ivy''': I wasn't TRYING to get caught! :'''Harley Quinn''': Could've fooled me! Hey, aren't you that plant lady Poison Oakie? :'''Poison Ivy''': Ivy! Poison IVY, not Oakie! :'''Harley Quinn''': Sorry! Harley Quinn, please to meet ya! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Poison Ivy is about to give an injection to Harley Quinn]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': I hate shots! I hate shots! :'''Poison Ivy''': Now, now. You're not immune to poison like I am, and you won't last ten minutes here in Toxic Acres without my antidote. ''[gives the injection]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': Oooh! Whew, you'd think after livin' with Mr. J, I'd be used to a little pain. :'''Poison Ivy''': Why do you put up with that clown? :'''Harley Quinn''': Don't get me wrong. My puddin's a little rough sometimes, but he loves me, really. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[sarcastically]'' Sure he does. You're just one big, forgiving doormat, aren't you? :'''Harley Quinn''': I am NOT a doormat! ...Am I? :'''Poison Ivy''': If you had a middle name, it would be Welcome. But cheer up, kid. You just need some lessons in good old female self-esteem. In other words, let's play with the boys on ''our'' terms. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': That should keep you big strong men busy while we weak little girls loot your trophy room. :'''Harley Quinn''': Gee, Ives, you got style! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[sighs softly]'' No offense, Ives, but I'm not very hungry. Somehow I don't feel like my old perky self. Something's missing. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[angrily slams her form on Harley's plate]'' Will you stop?! I can't believe you're still mooning over that psychotic creep! :'''Harley Quinn''': Well, maybe I'd feel better if I knew he missed me, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': HARLEY!!! This place is going to blinking blue blazes! Anybody seen my socks?! '''HARLEY!!!''' ''[the hyenas snarl at Joker]'' OH!! They snapped at me! What's going on, Rock? This place is a mess, no one's fed the hyenas and I can't find my socks! Where's Harley?! :'''Rocko''': Y-y-ya canned her, boss. Remember? :'''Joker''': So? She's always come back before. :'''Rocko''': Gee... I guess ya ain't seen the papers then. :'''Joker''': Papers?! What are you babbling about?! ''[snatches the newspaper from Rocko and reads an article of Harley's partnership with Poison Ivy]'' '''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!''''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[to Poison Ivy]'' I remember when I would go driving like this with Mr. J. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[imitating Harley Quinn]'' "Mr. J, Mr. J." Oh, change the record, Harl! You wanna be some wacko's victim the rest of your life?! ===''Shadow Of The Bat Part 1'' [1.57]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[indignant after reading about James Gordon's arrest]'' We'll see about this. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara Gordon]]''': So Batman can't help me? Fine. Let's see what Batgirl can do! ===''Shadow Of The Bat Part 2'' [1.58]=== :'''Two-Face''': Don't get wise with me, Mason. Remember who got you set up as Gordon's assistant? :'''Gil Mason''': Right, Harvey, right. :'''Two-Face''': ''[grabs him]'' Don't call me that! It's TWO-FACE to you, pretty boy! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I should've known it would be Two-Face. It's a perfect two-part plan. He consolidates the gangs while Mason takes over the police. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Gil Mason is about to murder James Gordon to become commissioner, and later mayor]'' :'''Gil Mason''': It's business, Jim. Nothing personal. Matter of fact, I respect you, I do. But a fellow has to take his opportunities where he finds them. And with you out of the way, I'll be mayor inside of a year! :'''Gordon''': You're SICK, Gil! ''[glances at Two-Face]'' A lot sicker than him! At least I can see his bad half! :'''Mason''': Sorry you feel that way. At least you won't have to worry about Barbara. I'll take good care of her. She's very fond of me, you know. :'''Gordon''': You piece of scum! I may not be able to stop you, but I know someone who will! :'''Mason''': I wouldn't get your hopes up. You see, there's been a recent decline in the bat population... ===''Blind As A Bat'' [1.59]=== :'''Penguin''': Your aim appears to be a little off today, Batman. I don't think you could hit the broad side of a barn, let alone the broad side of this bird! You're blind as a bat. Sightless and helpless. :'''Batman''': You've got ''one'' right. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': You have a call on your private line. :'''Bruce''': Then let's go! :'''Alfred''': In your condition, sir? :'''Bruce''': If you think a little inconvenience like this is going to stop me... :''[he knocks over a lamp]'' :'''Alfred''': Indeed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': ''[contacting Mayor Hill's office from the Raven]'' Quite a machine, this Raven. Amazing what its communications equipment can do. Don't you agree? You've received my instructions? :'''Mayor Hill''': They arrived by messenger this morning. You know, one-hundred million is a a lot of money. It'll take time to raise that much. :'''Penguin''': You're stalling, Hill. Obviously, you're not taking me seriously. I've warned you not to make that mistake. Apparently, I'll have to show you why. :''[shuts off communication and Hill angrily snaps his pencil in half]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Hill''': Just what I was afraid of. According to the controller's office, we can't come close to putting that ransom together. Not without shutting down basic municipal services. :'''Detective Bullock''': So what other options do we got? :'''Batman''': ''[emerging from the shadows]'' None, gentlemen. Which is why you're going to do exactly what the Penguin wants you to. ===''The Demon's Quest Part 1'' [1.60]=== :'''Ra's al Ghul''': As [[W:Napoleon|Napoleon]] told me, "A strong will can fuel a frail physique." <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Look at it, detective. One of the last of the rainforests. The world depends upon its oxygen, yet the rich see only profit in its destruction. You, who belong to the overclass, have much to answer for. :'''Batman''': Bruce Wayne donates millions of dollars a year to preserve these forests. :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Which are being depleted at the rate of 120,000 acres a day. Does your money solve this problem? No! It will take more than wealth. It will take power, and I fear, ruthlessness. Humankind must be forced to serve the planet instead of its own appetites. :'''Batman''': And you're the one who'll do the forcing? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': I am... qualified, yes. But I may not have sufficient lifetimes left to me. ===''The Demon's Quest Part 2'' [1.61]=== :'''Ubu''': Infidel! :'''Batman''': If you only knew how sick I am of you calling me that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ra's al Ghul''': The material of the Pit is an unknown chemical stew that bubbles to the Earth's surface only in certain key places. Even now, my people are placing bombs, such as that one, over the various Lazarus Pits around the world. These bombs are electronically linked to a private satellite already in Earth orbit. :'''Batman''': ''Orpheus''. :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Precisely. And at the moment when sun and moon are in proper alignment to cause the greatest upheaval in Earth's geomagnetic field, I shall send a signal to that satellite, beginning a countdown. Five minutes thereafter, one bomb will be lowered deep into the heart of each Pit. The satellite will in turn relay a microwave signal that will detonate all the bombs simultaneously. The multiple explosions will result in a global chain reaction. All the Lazarus Pits throughout the world will overflow. The globe will be saturated with their chemical solution, and when the resultant cataclysm has abated, there will come a blessed peace, and this poor, defiled planet shall find itself restored to its former pristine glory. :'''Batman''': But that will cost countless lives! :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Actually, Detective, we ''have'' counted: Two billion, fifty-six million, nine hundred and eighty-six thousand! A most impressive plan, would you not agree? :'''Batman''': Yes... I can see it clearly now for the first time. You are completely out of your mind. ===''His Silicon Soul'' [1.62]=== :'''Rossum''': You don't understand. You're not a man's mind in a robot's body. You're a robot. Period. :'''Bat-Duplicant''': You're lying! It's not possible! I know my family and friends! I remember names, faces, birthdays! I have memories! A past! :'''Rossum''': You have information. Data. Nothing more. Do you remember your first kiss? Your favorite song? The last time you tasted a really good steak? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[about the duplicant]'' Could it be it had a soul, Alfred? A soul of silicon, but a soul nonetheless. ===''Fire From Olympus'' [1.63]=== :'''Stavros''': Please! It's not what you think. I wasn't going to say anything. Honest! :'''[[w:Maxie Zeus|Maximillion "Maxie" Zeus]]''': Silence! First, you transgress against me. Then, you force me to descend to the mortal plane. And now, you tell me I know not what I think?! :'''Stavros''': No! :'''Zeus''': To the depths of Tartarus with you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zeus''': You bore me with these tales of petty human concerns. :'''Clio''': ''[annoyed]'' You're doing it again, Max. :'''Zeus''': You are Clio, my muse of history. Amuse me with tales of ancient times when mortals trembled at the name of Zeus. :'''Clio''': You want a story? I got one. Seems there was this guy named Max who, because he'd been lucky so far in the smuggling racket, believed himself to be untouchable, superior, godlike... :'''Zeus''': There's a cynical edge to your voice I don't appreciate. Know you not, I am above mortal constraints of right and wrong? :'''Clio''': No one is above the law, Max. :'''Zeus''': I make my own laws! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zeus''': Begone, Lord [[w:Hades|Hades]]. Get thee back to thine own realm. Do not come again to Olympus until bidden! :'''Batman''': I think I get the message. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Clio''': ''[telling Batman about Zeus]'' He wasn't always this way, you know. But then business got bad and he started handling cargo for the mob. After a while, with the pressure, the tension... things got confused. He's not living in the real world anymore. ''[awkwardly]'' Maybe you can relate to that? :'''Batman''': ''[after a short silence]'' You're the only one who can get me close enough to help him - while some of the man you knew still exists. ===''Read My Lips'' [1.64]=== :'''Batman''': How do you think I found this place? The phone book? I had help. ''Inside'' help. :'''[[w:Ventriloquist (comics)|Scarface]]''': My premonition! I knew I was right! Which one of you louses is it?! :'''Rhino''': It ain't me boss! :'''Scarface''': I know it ain't you, Rhino! You're too stupid to be a traitor! :'''Rhino''': Thanks, boss. :'''Scarface''': But whoever it is, they're gonna pay big time! Who is it?! You don't talk, you get the ultimate massage! :'''Batman''': And if I tell? :'''Scarface''': Maybe you just get run over by a truck. :'''Batman''': Tempting, but no. :'''Scarface''': Have it your way. Rhino! :''[Rhino gets ready to pull the lever to lower Batman to a pit of mannequins with razor-sharp fingernails]'' :'''Batman''': Hold it! :'''Scarface''': This is gettin' old, Bats. Last chance, who's the traitor? :'''Batman''': Him! The Ventriloquist! :''[everyone glares at the Ventriloquist]'' :'''Ventriloquist''': No, no! He's lying! I told you when he came into my room! :'''Scarface''': So what? Maybe you did 'cause I had ya cornered. Heard ya talkin' to Batman. :'''Batman''': ''[uses his own ventriloquism to imitate the Ventriloquist]'' Shut up, you blockhead! :'''Scarface''': WHAT DID YOU SAY?! :'''Ventriloquist''': It wasn't me! I didn't say that! My lips didn't move! :'''Scarface''': So what?! You're a ventriloquist! You're also a lyin' yellow liver-bellied two-face! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, Scarface! I'm loyal! I'd never! :'''Batman''': He's been feeding me information, in return for legal protection. ''[imitates the Ventriloquist again]'' You're going up the river, sawdust-for-brains! :'''Scarface''': Why, I oughta...! Waste the floor-flusher! Come on, I gave an order! ICE HIM! DO IT! DO IT NOW! :'''Muggsy''': But, boss, we ventilate the Ventriloquist, your, y'know... :'''Scarface''': I'M SURROUNDED BY TRAITORS! Okay, fine. Ya want something done right, do it yourself! ''[aims his gun at the Ventriloquist]'' ===''The Worry Men'' [1.65]=== :'''Veronica''': If ever someone led a worry-free life, it's you, Bruce Wayne. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce''': Tell me, Alfred: what's an ancient Mayan witch doctor doing on a Gotham skyscraper? :'''Alfred''': This isn't one of those Riddler questions, is it? :'''Bruce''': No, but it's just as confusing. <hr width="50%"/> :''[As Batman attempts to escape from his guillotine]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Oh, you're a clever one! But I will not be denied! As the great [[w:Lewis Carroll|Lewis Carroll]] said: "[[w:Jabberwocky|One, two, one, two, and through and through the vorpal blade went snicker-snack! He left it dead, and with its head, he went galumphing back!]]" <hr width="50%"/> :''[Freed from his mind control, the Mad Hatter's jaguar gang turn on him]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Stop! :'''Shaman''': Yes, stop. Leave him to the police. :'''Mad Hatter''': Thank you. Thank you, you generous, forgiving, ''[draws a gun from his hat]'' noble fool! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': I must say, after all the Hatter put him through, that fellow showed remarkable restraint. :'''Bruce''': When everything was said and done, all the shaman really wanted was to go home. In fact, I hear he even sent the Hatter a farewell gift. :''[The Hatter is seen tossing and turning in bed in Arkham]'' :'''Bruce''': Something to ensure that Jervis Tetch only dreams of a good honest life from now on. :''[A Batman doll is revealed from under the Hatter's pillow]'' ==Season 2== ===''Sideshow'' [2.1]=== :'''Killer Croc''': You know, there's something the brains back at the joint didn't think about. :'''Prison Guard''': Yeah, what's that? :'''Killer Croc''': Crocodile's got the strongest jaws of any animal around. ''[bites his handcuffs in half]'' :'''Prison Guard''': ''[spits the coffee out of his mouth and pins Croc with the shotgun]'' Get back! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman arrives with his shadow. Goliath wakes up and Batman covers Goliath's mouth by calming him down]'' :'''Batman''': Calm down, I won't hurt you. I'm just looking for someone: half man, half crocodile. ''[Goliath looks over worriedly]'' He's in there, isn't he? :'''Goliath''': ''[Pushes Batman to the cage]'' No! Stay away! ''[Holds him against it]'' He's one of us. Croc, run! :'''Batman''': ''[Kicks Goliath into the stomach]'' I don't wanna hurt you. :'''Goliath''': Don't worry, you won't. ''[Hits Batman with the big punch and Batman and Goliath starts fighting]'' :'''Killer Croc''': ''[Comes out of the house]'' You. ''[Gives Batman a spear]'' :'''Billy''': Richard, help! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Billy the Seal Boy''': Why, Croc? Why'd you turn on us like that? We could have helped you, we could have done something. :'''Killer Croc''': You said you can be yourself out here, remember? Well, I guess that's what I was doing - being myself. ===''A Bullet For Bullock'' [2.2]=== :'''Bullock''': Let's get something straight from the get-go. I think you're a freak and a menace, and those are your ''good'' points. But the commish says you serve a purpose, so I go along. :'''Batman''': I appreciate your honesty. What's the problem? :'''Bullock''': Somebody's got it in for me. Tried to give me a fender massage last night. It ain't the first time. Last week too. :'''Batman''': Any suspects? :'''Bullock''': So many, they could have their own zip code. I've put a lot of guys away, and they hate me for it. Looks like one of them hates me enough to do something about it. :'''Batman''': Why me? Why not just go to the department? :'''Bullock''': I step on a lot of toes. I don't want Internal Affairs looking at me too close. They might find some things I don't want found. :'''Batman''': Are you on the take? :'''Bullock''': Watch it, freak! I never took a dime from nobody! I just bend the rules a little sometimes, you understand. We're not all that different. :'''Batman''': We're on the same side, but we're ''not'' the same. I'll help you find out who's after you, but you've got to collar them clean. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': We ''are'' speaking of the same person, are we not? Harvey Bullock? The detective who looks like an unmade bed? :'''Batman''': The same. :'''Alfred''': He came to ''you'' for help? It must be serious. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Montoya''': Bullock? You okay? You don't look so good. I mean, you never look good, but today you look worse. :'''Bullock''': After fifteen years working in this cesspool, I'd like to see how good ''you'' look! <hr width="50%"/> :''[In the Batmobile]'' :'''Bullock''': Nice starship you got here. What's this for? ''[points towards a button]'' :'''Batman''': Passenger ejector seat. :''[Bullock withdraws nervously, while Batman smirks slightly]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bullock''': By the way, I still think you're a freak, but... thanks. ===''Trial'' [2.3]=== :'''Two-Face''': Basic fifty-fifty option. You get him off, you both go free. He goes down, you take the fall with him. :'''Mad Hatter''': Amusing idea, what? Kidnapping you to be Batman's attorney? :'''Two-Face''': Personally, I suggested a quick slug between the eyes... but I lost the coin toss. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarface''': Court is now in session! The Good People of Arkham Asylum vs. the Self-Righteous Vigilante Called Batman! Our prosecutor is ready, likewise our fair and impartial jury. :'''Mad Hatter''': Hang him! :'''Harley''': Shoot him! :'''Killer Croc''': Hit him with a rock! :'''Scarface''': And now, all rise for the most honorable, most benevolent, most merciful Judge Joker! :'''Joker''': GUILTY! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I was promised a chance to defend my client! :'''Joker''': Oh, very well. Like it'll make a difference. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I suppose that you, like your friends, claim that Batman ''drove'' you to be a criminal? :'''Mad Hatter''': He did. :'''Janet Van Dorn''': And yet, as I recall in your case, you brainwashed and kidnapped a woman who rejected you. :'''Mad Hatter''': Batman forced me to do it! He was going to take her away from me! I had no choice! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': You could have respected her wishes and left her alone. :'''Mad Hatter''': I'D HAVE KILLED HER FIRST! ''[gasps and covers his mouth, then turns to the Joker]'' I'd like that last statement stricken from the record, please. :'''Joker''': Record? Is someone supposed to be writing this down? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': And so it's Batman's fault you lead a life of crime? :'''Poison Ivy''': He should have let me bump off Harvey Dent. We'd all have been better off - wouldn't we, Harv? :'''Two-Face''': ''[muttering while flipping his coin]'' Why, you rotten little... :'''Janet Van Dorn''': But Miss Isley, isn't the real motivation for your crimes your obsession with plants? That you prefer them to people? :'''Poison Ivy''': I love plants, honey, but a rose is a rose. :'''Janet Van Dorn''': Then it doesn't bother you when someone, let's say the judge here, ''[plucks the flower from the Joker's robe]'' ruthlessly ''plucks'' a defenceless flower from the warm green earth? :'''Poison Ivy''': No! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': Even knowing he's given it his death sentence? That its petals must die? ''[starts pulling its petals out]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': Stop it...! :'''Poison Ivy''': One by one, withering, falling. One by one till it's all gone, ''honey.'' :''[She crushes the flower so that it crumbles apart. Ivy shrieks with rage and attacks her, and the Scarecrow and Mad Hatter rush in to restrain her]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Miss Ivy, please! :'''Scarface''': You look beautiful when you're angry. :''[Ivy smacks the Ventriloquist in the face, and Scarface laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I used to believe Batman was responsible for you people. But now I see nearly everyone here would have ended up exactly the same, Batman or not. Oh, the gimmicks might be different, but you'd all be out there in some form or another bringing misery to Gotham. The truth is, ''you'' created ''him.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Well done, counsellor. You've proven that Batman ''didn't'' create us - that we, in fact, messed up our own rotten lives! And as we are so rotten, vile and depraved... we're going to waste you anyway! :''[The inmates cheer and close in on Batman and Janet]'' :'''Joker''': [[w:Porky Pig|A-bi-a-bi-a-bi, that's all, folks!]] ''[bangs down a rubber chicken]'' Let's mambo! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I see now there's a need for the things you do. But I'm still going to work towards a city that doesn't need Batman. :'''Batman''': ''[smiling]'' Me too. ===''Avatar'' [2.4]=== :'''Lucius Fox''': Without a doubt, this will be one of the best museum exhibitions Gotham City has ever seen. You can be quite the humanitarian on occasion, Bruce. It's commendable. It's inspiring. :'''Bruce''': It's deductible. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce''': You've got a serious priority problem, Ra's. What can be in that tomb that's more valuable than the love of your daughter? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Power, detective. The power once held by almighty Thoth-Khepera, Queen of Two Continents. :'''Bruce''': You surprise me, Ra's. The world's oldest chauvinist chasing after a woman? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Thoth-Khepera was not simply a woman, detective, nor merely a ruler. Through her flowed the power of the gods. With no more than a gesture, she controlled the force of life and death, and with it, she kept a nation under her thumb for one thousand years. :'''Bruce''': You sound like a bad Saturday afternoon serial, Ra's. This is sheer nonsense. :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': No, detective - I know there is a power there to be tapped! My six hundred years of life are proof of that power. :''[Bruce and Talia are trapped in a glass booth]'' :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Farewell, detective. Farewell, Talia. It is said that one finds one's immortality in one's offspring. Alas, I know that to be a lie. ===''House and Garden'' [2.5]=== :'''Batman''': She's done nothing more incriminating than return an overdue video - even paid the late fee. :'''Alfred''': Could it be Ivy truly has reformed? :'''Batman''': I want to believe it. Why can't I? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You haven't changed a bit. :'''Poison Ivy''': Yes, I have. I meant it when I said I wanted a family that loves me. I just wanted it on my terms. :'''Robin''': Lady, you're nuts! :'''Poison Ivy''': Well, that's ''your'' opinion. Probably the last one you'll ever have, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': I'm just sorry she got away. :'''Batman''': Me too, Robin. But I don't think we'll see her again anytime soon. :''[The real Ivy is shown escaping on a plane out of Gotham, looking through a scrapbook]'' :'''Batman''': Ivy lost everything she had, everything she said she ever wanted. For what it's worth, I believed her when she told me that for the first time in her life... she was happy. :''[Ivy sheds tears as she looks at a photo of her wedding]'' ===''The Terrible Trio'' [2.6]=== :'''Warren''': Is this all you do for kicks, Bruce? Charity work? :'''Bruce''': Well, I do have a night life. Pull! ''[shoots down a clay pigeon]'' Besides, it's important to help others. It may sound corny, but hey, it's how I feel. :'''Warren''': You must recognize that you are a superior animal, Bruce. A member of the elite. Pull! ''[shoots down another clay pigeon]'' Take my Delta brothers and me. Why, we've run with the bulls! :'''Armand''': Shot game from hot air balloons! :'''Gunther''': Killed a great white! :'''Warren''': We've done it all. Ah, therein lies the problem. After all, what do the rajas do when there are no more tigers to hunt? :'''Bruce''': I'm sure you'll think of something, Warren. ''[leaves]'' :'''Warren''': Dollar for dollar, that has to be the dullest man in Gotham City. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Scoundrels like these are worse than the Joker. At least he's got madness as an excuse! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Let's go, Fox. You've raided your last chicken coop. :'''Warren''': Wait, wait a minute! We can make a deal! A million dollars to let me go! ''Ten'' million! Think about it. Buys a lot of Batarangs! :'''Batman''': ''[unimpressed]'' Your money's no good here. :'''Warren''': Okay, fine! Go ahead, take me in, hero! I've got every judge in town in my pocket! You'll see! I'll get justice! The best that money can buy! :''[Next, Warren is seen being ushered into a cell at Stonegate, where his burly new cellmate gives him a menacing look]'' ===''Harlequinade'' [2.7]=== :'''Harley''': ''[in handcuffs]'' I sense a lack of trust. :'''Robin''': Are you sure you don't need help keeping Zippy under control? :''[Harley picks the lock on her cuffs while Batman speaks]'' :'''Batman''': I'm fine. Besides, I need you to be ready if Gordon's men get any leads. I'll signal if there's trouble. :'''Robin''': You got it. :'''Harley''': I wanna listen to the radio! ''[reaches for the controls]'' :'''Batman''': DON'T--! :''[Harley Quinn deploys a parachute, causing the Batmobile to swerve wildly. When the Batmobile stops, Batman is furious]'' :'''Harley''': ''[timidly]'' Oops... :'''Batman''': Listen, and listen good. You don't touch anything, say anything, or DO ANYTHING UNLESS I TELL YOU! GOT IT?! :'''Harley''': Yes, sir. :'''Batman''': ''[turns away, Harley begins making faces at him]'' So far, Joker hasn't been seen in any of his old hideouts. I want you to show me the last place he used when he escaped. ''[catches her making a face, which she replaces with a sheepish grin]'' :'''Harley''': Okay! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Instead of taking you, the cops, and the Batman down separately? I'm gonna blast you all at once! ''[takes out his phone and speaks into it]'' Send down the plane, boys! We're blowing town! Literally. ''[gets off the phone]'' :'''Mayor''': But all those innocent people... :'''Joker''': Some joke on them, eh? Think of it as the ultimate punchline! Ha ha ha ha ha! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': It's lucky you were here, Quinn. The countdown sequence didn't leave Joker enough time to swing by Arkham and pick you up. :'''Joker''': Quiet, brat. :'''Harley''': You ''were'' gonna come for me, weren't you, Puddin'? :'''Joker''': Of course, pumpkin-pie! It's just that... well, here you are, so I can, err, save myself the trip! :'''Harley''': But what about all our friends, Ivy and Two-Face and... Hat-Guy and Lizard-Man and Puppet-Head and-- ''[Joker shoves her into the plane]'' :'''Joker''': What about them? :'''Batman''': Don't forget your little pets! :'''Harley''': ''[gasps]'' The babies! We can't leave the babies! :'''Joker''': ''[shoves Harley into the plane again]'' I'll buy you a goldfish! Let's go! :'''Harley''': ''[struggling]'' NO! :'''Joker''': Why, you little...! :''[Harley kicks him in the face]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley''': ''[points the gun against Joker]'' Freeze, clown! :'''Batman''': Quinn, stop! :'''Harley''': He's mine, Bats! :'''Joker''': ''[grinning]'' You wouldn't dare. You don't have the guts! Not in a million years would you-- :''[Harley pulls the trigger - and a flag that reads "Rat-Tat-Tat" comes out of the barrel. The Joker stares at her for a moment, and throws his arms wide to embrace her]'' :'''Joker''': Baby, you're the greatest! ===''Time Out Of Joint'' [2.8]=== :'''Mayor Hill''': You! How did you get past-- :'''The Clock King''': Good evening, Mayor! Nice to see you again too. And whose life are you ruining now? A poor pensioner? A malnourished orphan, perhaps? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Hill''': Please, Fugate, don't hurt me! :'''The Clock King''': If it's any comfort, my revenge will encompass more than just you. I intend to pass a most timely sentence on the entire judicial system. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': It's a shame that you've decided to keep this device a secret. :'''Dr. Wataki''': It would seem that the world is not quite ready for it yet. :'''Robin''': Gee, that's too bad for Fugate. I'm sure he'll wish he had something to make the days pass quicker where he's going. ===''Catwalk'' [2.9]=== :'''Scarface''': Calm down, pussycat. We're all friends here. ''[to the Ventriloquist]'' Dummy, don't keep our pretty guest in the dark. :'''Ventriloquist''': Yes, sir, Mr. Scarface. ''[turns on the lot, revealing him and Scarface]'' :'''Scarface''': Ah, that's better. :'''Selina Kyle''': ''[gasps]'' You gotta be kidding! ''[laughs]'' :'''Scarface''': What's she laughin' at? My fly ain't open, is it?! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, sir. :'''Scarface''': So what's the gag? :'''Selina Kyle''': Oh come on, you know! ''[in a goofy voice]'' "What's the gag?" :'''Scarface''': ''[aims his gun at Selina]'' Can it, sister! This is Scarface you're dealing with, and I don't stand for no disrespect. :'''Ventriloquist''': I'd do as he says, ma'am. Mr. Scarface can be quite insistent. :'''Scarface''': I don't think anyone's talking to you! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, sir. No, sir. :'''Selina Kyle''': Right... so, what do you want with me? :'''Scarface''': My boys happened to be in the museum when they saw your little set-to with Miss Ronnie V. They also seen you licking your whiskers at the sight of Ronnie's pretty sparklers. :'''Selina Kyle''': You're boring me, log. :''[the Ventrloquist pulls out an envelope from his coat]'' :'''Scarface''': So what if I could provide you with a foolproof plan to snatchin' those rocks with no risk of you gettin' caught? :'''Selina Kyle''': Pass. Kitty's been staying it at night. It's not the greatest, but it beats the pound, if you know what I mean. :'''Scarface''': Now, that's a darn shame. And I thought for sure you'd want a chance to get even with the Vreelands. Not just for yourself, ya understand, but for all those poor little stuffed critters what never had the chance to fight back. :'''Selina Kyle''': Oh, barf. :'''Scarface''': It's a 50/50 cut. Take it or leave it? You in or what? :''[Selina thinks about it for a while then picks up the envelope]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': What a pleasant surprise. Though I should warn you - breaking and entering is against the law. :'''Batman''': You would know. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarface''': [[w:Tweety|I thawt I thaw a putty tat!]] <hr width="50%"/> :''[Catwoman crushes Scarface under some logs]'' :'''Catwoman''': That's one way to remove a splinter. What's wrong, Ventriloquist? Cat got your tongue? :'''Ventriloquist''': Please, I never hurt you! Scarface, he's another person, not me, really! :'''Catwoman''': But he's inside you somewhere. And I'm going to keep scratching until I find him. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': [[w:Just So Stories|I am the cat who walks by herself.]] ===''Bane'' [2.10]=== :'''Thorne''': You almost didn't get paid. You're lucky these diamonds didn't get nabbed in the smuggling bust. :'''[[w:Bane (comics)|Bane]]''': No, Mr. Thorne. You are the lucky one. ''[He punches the punching bag across the room]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': He wrecked my car, Alfred. Between two guys, that's ''real'' personal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bane''': Toys. You try to fight me with pathetic little TOYS. You've got nothing! Beg for mercy! SCREAM MY NAME! :'''Batman''': Never. :'''Bane''': You are beaten! Now I will break you! ===''Baby-Doll'' [2.11]=== :'''Robin''': ''[on "Love That Baby"]'' I remember this show from when I was a kid. It still stinks. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At Wayne Manor, Summer Gleeson is on the telephone talking to Marv Wolfman at her office.]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': I don't care what Mayor Hill says. The people have a right to know, and if he won't talk to us-- ''[Batman drops a photo of Baby-Doll onto her desk]'' I'll call you back, Marv. ''[to Batman and Robin]'' Since when are you interested in has-been actors? :'''Batman''': Since that one's been kidnapping her co-stars. :'''Summer Gleeson''': You're serious? :'''Robin''': She's been picking them off, one by one. Any reason she'd have a grudge? :'''Summer Gleeson''': Actually, ''they'' should hate ''her.'' Dahl put them all out of work when she quit the series to become a "dramatic" actress. :''[Summer plays a video of Mary Dahl playing Lady Macbeth]'' :'''Mary Dahl''': What, will these hands never be clean? Here's the smell of the blood still. All the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand. :'''Robin''': Pee-yew! :'''Summer Gleeson''': That's what the critics said. Baby's dramatic career flopped, and when she tried to start her TV show again, the networks turned her down. :'''Batman''': That still doesn't explain why she's after her old cast. :'''Robin''': ''[picks up a cassette]'' Maybe there's a clue in these old episodes. :'''Summer Gleeson''': You can borrow them if you want. And when you crack the case, you can pay me back with an exclusive... ''[turns to see that they have gone]'' interview. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': Naughty, naughty, Daddys! Mustn't yell at your Baby like thats. :'''Tod Baker''': You're not my daughter, and we're not a family! We're actors, remember?! You cancelled our show because you whined you weren't getting enough attention! :'''Baby-Doll''': ''[putting on a sad face]'' But I knows now I made a boo-boo! ''[sniffles and breaks character]'' It was hard for me out there. I studied and trained and auditioned, but no one wanted me. ''[plays the sound of a crowd going "Aww..." on her tape recorder]'' Over the years, I remembered how happy I was with all of you around me, and the folks at home watching me each week. Me, ''[goes back into her "cute" voice]'' Baby-Doll! ''[giggles]'' Now I'm Baby for good, and everyone will love me agains! Hugs, hugs! :''[Her goons force the actors to share a hug with her, and she plays the "Aww..." again]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': ''[watching episodes of Baby Doll's old TV show]'' Remember that time Poison Ivy nearly smothered us in those vines, with the ''really'' sharp thorns? :'''Batman''': Yes. :'''Robin''': This is worse. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': ''[after her TV brother is rendered unconscious by her bodyguard]'' Sorry I had to play roughs, Tippy. I didn't mean to. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': ''[Mariam kicks Robin around]'' Wow, lady! You're good! :'''Mariam''': It's a living... <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman pursues Baby-Doll in a funhouse tunnel maze]'' :'''Baby-Doll''': Silly Mr. Batman can't catch me! :'''Batman''': Don't run away! I know you're scared, confused - I can help you! :'''Baby-Doll''': Liar, liar, cape on fire! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': Game's over, Mr. Batman! ''[laughs]'' I WIN! ''[Batman fires his grappling gun, knocking the doll-gun down a slide]'' No fair! ''[runs to retrieve it, and stumbles into a room full of fun-house mirrors. Picks up the gun, wandering through the various distorted reflections, until she comes to one that shows her as an adult]'' Look! That's me in there. The ''real'' me! There I am... ''[touches the reflection, and her face changes]'' ...But it's not ''really'' real, is it? Just... made up and pretend, like my family and my life and everything else! ''[turns to face Batman, who stands behind her]'' '''''WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST LET ME MAKE-BELIEVE?!''''' ''[fires at mirrors, and cries after breaking the mirror with her adult reflection. Batman approaches her]'' I didn't ''mean'' to... ===''The Lion And The Unicorn'' [2.12]=== :''[Alfred breaks a chair over a thug's head.]'' :'''Robin''': And here all I thought you dusted was furniture. :'''Alfred''': A [[w:Louis XV|Louis Quinze]]; what a pity. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred Pennyworth''': ''[after being drugged with a truth serum]'' You'll get nothing but gibberish out of me, madam. I come from haunts of cootenfern and knicker sudden Sally. Uh... dee-dum dee-dum dee-dum dee-dum, and bicker down the valley. :'''Red Claw''': And people wonder why no one takes Britain seriously anymore. ===''Showdown'' [2.13]=== :'''Sheriff''': Well, well. Jonah Hex, his own bad self. Been here five minutes and you ain't killed nobody nor set nothin' on fire. Slippin', ain't you? :'''[[w:Jonah Hex|Jonah Hex]]''': I'm still a little bushed. :'''Sheriff''': Fact is, you look a little past it, Hex. Not tired, just all used up. :'''Hex''': Well, when I get pushed, I can still shoot a fly out from between its wings. Provided the light's right, of course... and it's a big ''plump'' fly. :''[The sheriff glances down at his own portly figure. Two other bargoers retreat outside, sensing trouble.]'' :'''Sheriff''': I ain't got nothin' on you, Hex... yet. Just remember, them wanted posters say "dead or alive". You might try "alive" this time. :'''Hex''': First time for everything. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duvall''': It would appear we have ourselves a government spy. A rather disreputable-looking one at that. Well, Mr. Spy, I'd say your plan has failed, and the railroad is doomed. :'''Hex''': I ain't no spy! I'm Jonah Hex, and I don't give a tinker's cuss about no railroad. I've come to get ''you'', Arkady Duvall, on account of what you done to that girl back east. :'''Duvall''': ''[chuckles]'' You mean to say, you've tracked me across ''twelve states'' because of that? :'''Hex''': Well, there's also the matter of a 200 dollar reward. That part don't hurt my feelings none. :'''Duvall''': You're either a liar or a fool. :'''Hex''': I've been known to be foolish, but ain't ''nobody'' calls me a liar and goes to bed happy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hex''': Now! Let's you and me dance. :'''Duvall''': You cannot defeat me. I am a Heidelberg fencing champion. :'''Hex''': My heart's all a-flutter. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duvall''': Five thousand in gold, take it. Leave me be. :'''Hex''': It ain't about money, boy. It's about justice. And I aim to serve you some. :'''Duvall''': Let me live, please! :'''Hex''': I will. Only because it's too much trouble to haul your stinkin' carcass back east. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You left Duvall to his fate a century ago. Why come back for him now? :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Did you really think, detective, that in my six hundred years of life, I would have sired only ''one'' offspring? Even before the Phoenix debacle, I had come to realize that Arkady was too unbalanced and cruel to wisely rule my empire. :'''Batman''': But you couldn't forget about him. :'''Ra's al Ghul''': What father can ever forget his son? Come now, detective, I've still a few good years left. We will cross swords another day. But for now, let me take my boy home. ===''Riddler's Reform'' [2.14]=== :''[After learning about the theft of historical antiquities on TV]'' :'''Riddler''': ''[in Bruce's memory]'' Those are things of the past, Batman. Ancient history that's gone now. I'm a new man! But you probably won't figure that out before it's too late! ''[laughs]'' :'''Bruce''': ''He'' did it. :'''Dick''': Who? :'''Bruce''': The Riddler. Remember what he said: "Things of the past." "Ancient history that's gone now." Look! :'''Dick''': Gee, I don't know. His riddles aren't usually that subtle. Besides, he's got a multimillion dollar deal with that toy company. Why would he throw it away over some stupid riddle crime? :'''Bruce''': Because that's the way his warped mind works. He's obsessed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': He's right, you know. :'''Manny''': Who? :'''Riddler''': Batman. He ''is'' going to catch me, sooner or later. :'''Manny''': Gee, boss, you're scaring me. You're talking kinda crazy. :'''Riddler''': DON'T YOU ''EVER'' CALL ME THAT! I fooled the police, the doctors, the Parole Board - all of them! There's only one person who's ever been able to challenge me: ''BATMAN!'' He's the only one worthy of the game! :'''Manny''': But you said sooner or later he's gonna catch you. What are you gonna do? :'''Riddler''': I'm never going back to Arkham! So I guess there's only one thing to do! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': Hello, Batman. This is it: the end of the game. I'm a little sad actually. You were a worthy opponent. But then, I told you I'd make a ''killing'' at the Toy Fair! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': ''[ranting in a cell in Arkham]'' It's IMPOSSIBLE, I tell you! Impossible! My trap was perfect! How did he do it?! I have to know! SOMEBODY TELL ME! IT'S NOT FAIR! THERE WAS NO WAY, I TELL YOU! NO WAY HE COULD HAVE GOTTEN OUT! SOMEBODY TELL ME! DO YOU HEAR ME?! SOMEBODY TELL ME HOW HE DID IT! I HAVE TO KNOW! '''''I HAVE TO KNOOOOOOOOOW!!!''''' ===''Second Chance'' [2.15]=== :'''Penguin''': And what might ''you'' be doing out there? Catching insects for dinner? :'''Batman''': I'm looking for Two-Face. :'''Penguin''': What, did you lose him? ''[chuckles]'' :'''Batman''': Somebody kidnapped him from Gotham Central tonight. You and he had a disagreement sometime ago, didn't you? :'''Penguin''': It's true. Harvey stole a rare ''avis'' right out from under my beak several months ago. A jewel-encrusted statuette of a two-headed [[w:roc (mythology)|roc]]. It was worth millions. But, my dear rodent, I'd never kidnap a fellow rogue out of his sickbed. It just isn't done. :'''Batman''': Honour among thieves? :'''Penguin''': Absolutely. If I were going to attack Harvey, I'd do it face to face... to face, heh, so to speak. Like THIS! ''[laughs and unleashes his birds on Batman]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You may as well come out. I know everything now. :''[A man emerges, his identity obscured by shadows]'' :'''Batman''': You hated Harvey Dent, and would do anything to destroy him. :''[Lightning flashes, revealing the man to be Two-Face himself]'' :'''Two-Face''': Why not? He was going to destroy me. Just like I'm going to destroy you! ''[attacks him]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Harvey, pull yourself up! :'''Harvey''': I can't! I'll drop the coin! :'''Batman''': Drop it! Save yourself! :'''Harvey''': I... I don't know what to do. The coin won't tell me! :'''Batman''': It can't tell you anything! I switched coins when you grabbed me! :'''Robin''': ''[swings and kicks the thugs out of Batman's way]'' Good thing I decided to tag along after all. :'''Batman''': It's a trick coin! It'll always land on edge! It's ''your'' decision now, Harvey! Life or death? The coin or me? :''[Robin threw the batarang to hit the elevator button to send the thug in an elevator, thunderstruck and Harvey/Two-Face decided to drops the coin]'' :'''Harvey''': Batman, help me. :''[Batman tries to give Harvey a hand, but Two-Face suddenly regains control]'' :'''Two-Face''': Never! ''[punches Batman and falls]'' :'''Batman''': ''HARVEY!!!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harvey''': ''[seen in half-shadow, making him appear to once again be Harvey Dent instead of Two-Face]'' Bruce? Good old Bruce. Always there. You never give up on me. :''[Bruce Wayne smiles and pats Harvey's shoulder before he is escorted away]'' :'''Dick''': He's right. You're always there for him. :'''Bruce''': Yes, just like you're always there for me. :'''Dick''': Hey, what are friends for? ===''Harley's Holiday'' [2.16]=== :'''Scarecrow''': I am the Master of Fear! The Lord of Despair! Cower before me in witless terror! :'''Harley''': Hi, Professor Crane! :'''Scarecrow''': ''[Smiling fondly]'' Good evening, child. ''[To Batman and Robin, furiously]'' Worship me, you fools! Worship me! Scream hosannas of anguish to Scarecrow, the all-terrible God of Fear! ''[Guards take him away]'' :'''Robin''': I think he's getting better. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley''': I'm having a BAD DAY! I'm sick of people trying to shoot me, run me over and blow me up! I didn't even get to keep my new dress - I ACTUALLY PAID FOR IT! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman and Robin take Harley back to Arkham]'' :'''Harley''': ''[sadly]'' [[w:To market, to market|Home again, home again, diggity dig...]] :'''Dr. Joan Leland''': Not for too long, though. Ms. Vreeland dropped the kidnapping charges. With a little more hard work, you should be ready to re-enter society for good. :'''Harley''': Yay... ''[to Batman]'' There's one thing I've gotta know. Why'd you stay with me all day, risking your butt for someone who's never given you anything but trouble? :'''Batman''': I know what it's like to try and rebuild a life. ''[takes her dress out of a bag]'' I had a bad day too, once. :'''Harley''': ''[takes the dress, smiling]'' Nice guys like you shouldn't have bad days. ===''Lock-Up'' [2.17]=== :'''Scarecrow''': Don't take me back there, please! Look at me, Batman! I'm shaking with fear! Me! The Scarecrow! I wasn't even going back to crime this time! I just had to get away from... HIM! :'''[[w:Lock-Up (comics)|Lyle Bolton]]''': I'll take it from here, Batman. Lyle Bolton, Chief of security. Congratulations, Professor Crane. You're the first inmate to escape Arkham under my charge. ''[He grabs Crane by the collar; Crane whimpers]'' You're also the last. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bartholomew''': Miss Quinn? Do you have any complaints against Mr. Bolton? :''[Lyle Bolton sneers threateningly at Harley Quinn]'': :'''Harley Quinn''': I got nothing to say. :'''Bartholomew''': But surely you must have something you wish to- :'''Harley Quinn''': You got a hearing problem or something?! NO! NADA! IXNAY! ZERO! ZILCH! BUPKES! NOTHING! OKAY?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': He threatens us! Takes away our privileges, even when we're good! :'''[[w:Lock-Up (comics)|Lyle Bolton]]''': We've heard enough of this nonsense. :'''Jonathon Crane''': He says scum like us must be kept in line! That's why he chains us down at night and electrifies our doors! :'''Scarface''': He held me over a can filled with a termites! Ya hear me?! ''TERMITES!'' :'''Harley Quinn''': He's an animal! :'''Ventriloquist''': A monster! :'''Jonathon Crane''': Keep him away! :'''Lyle Bolton''': '''SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU!''' :''[The guards retrain Lyle Bolton, he kicks the table, resists the guards and attack and them; he threatens to kill the inmates, and Bruce Wayne trips him with the chair]'' :'''Lyle Bolton''': You're all scum! You should be beaten within an inch of your misbegotten lives! :'''Bartholomew''': I've seen enough! ''[pounds the gravel]'' Lyle Bolton, you're dismissed! :'''Lyle Bolton''': Before I came here, Arkham was a revolving door for every maniac in Gotham. ''I'' kept them in! '''ME!''' Now I realize I was wrong to punish those pathetic miscreants! '''THEY'RE ONLY SYMPTOMS! ''YOU'RE'' THE CAUSE! THE GUTLESS POLICE, MINDLESS BUREAUCRATS, AND CODDLING DOCTORS! YOU SHOULD ALL BE LOCKED UP IN A CAGE WITHOUT A KEY!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lock Up''': I could have rid Gotham of the fools in city hall and the police department! We could have made our own order! :'''Batman''': I was born to fight your brand of order! :'''Lock Up''': If that's your decision...! ===''Make 'Em Laugh'' [2.18]=== :'''Dispatcher''': Disturbance reported at the top of the Crown restaurant. Suspect is a male costumed extremist armed with what appears to be a... ketchup gun. :'''Batman''': It's going to be one of those nights. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Condiment King''': So long, suckers! Parting is such "sweet-and-sour" sorrow. ''[Batman yanks away his loot bag]'' What's this? Ah! The big bad Bat-guy. I knew you'd "ketchup" to me sooner or later. How I've "relished" this meeting. You, the dynamic Dark Knight, versus me, the conceptual Condiment King! Come, Batman. Let's see if you can "cut the mustard". :'''Batman''': Quiet! ''[punches the King in the stomach]'' :'''Condiment King''': ''[slumps to ground, gasping]'' You hit me! :'''Batman''': Now listen, Mustard Man, or whatever you call yourself. You're obviously new at this, so I'm willing to go easy on you, provided you give back the loot and never even think about doing this again. Deal? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Buddy's agent''': I don't get it. Buddy's just thrown his entire career away. The network's cancelling his show and the restaurant's suing him for a million dollars. Why did he do it? It just doesn't make sense. ===''Deep Freeze'' [2.19]=== :'''Batman''': Men like Walker are obsessed with getting their own way. And they don't let little things like the ''law'' stop them. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grant Walker''': Do you realize that in your half-frozen state, you will age more slowly than an ordinary human? You're practically immortal, my friend! :'''Mr. Freeze''': Yes, eternal life trapped in this wretched shell! What a miserable joke. :'''Grant Walker''': Miserable to you, but a godsend to me. Look at me, Mr. Freeze, I'm an old man. I've created wonders in my lifetime, but there is still so much to do! I want to change as you have. To become, like you, a being of blessed, eternal cold. :'''Mr. Freeze''': You're insane. :'''Grant Walker''': Only you know how to duplicate the accident that made you what you are. What I long to become! :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[grabs him]'' You want to live like this? Abandoned and alone? A prisoner in a world you can see but never touch? ''[drops him and turns away]'' Old and infirm as you are, I'd trade a thousand of my frozen years for your worst day. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grant Walker''': Every time I open a park, I get gatecrashers. :'''Batman''': We've seen your insane vision of the future, Walker. :'''Grant Walker''': My world will have no crime, violence or pain. :'''Robin''': You can add free will to that list too! :'''Grant Walker''': A small price to pay for order. :'''Batman''': ''Your'' order! For your select few! :'''Grant Walker''': Excuse me, but I fail to see the problem with that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You can't let Walker do this. Billions of people will perish! :'''Mr. Freeze''': That's not my concern. All that matters is I once again have my wife, and the means to restore her. :'''Batman''': She'll wake up in a dead, frozen world that ''you'' helped destroy. She'll ''hate'' you for that! :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''Silence.'' :'''Batman''': You think you're alone now? Wait until she learns the truth. :'''Mr. Freeze''': '''I SAID ''SILENCE!''''' ''[blasts at Batman and Robin, knocking them backward, then turns back to Nora with a saddened face]'' Forgive me... ''[frees Batman and Robin]'' Come, there is much to do. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Dick recovers from hypothermia]'' :'''Dick''': Man, if I spent any more time in that immersion tank, I'd be growing gills. :'''Bruce''': I'm just glad I was able to get you back here in time. :'''Dick''': Thanks. For a while I thought I'd end up like Walker, trapped in a ice cube forever. What about Mr. Freeze? Do you think he's gone for good? :'''Bruce''': I'm not sure. But if Freeze's condition has made him truly immortal... we may not have seen the last of him. ===''Batgirl Returns'' [2.20]=== :'''Catwoman''': Bats are just mice with wings, little girl. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Batgirl|Batgirl]]''': So, what are you going to do? Leave us over one of these vats with acid burning through the rope? :'''Daggett''': ''[Laughs]'' If there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's that you crime-fighting types are very resourceful. So, I'll just have my men shoot you and throw your bodies in the vats. == About ''{{PAGENAME}}'' == *'''PD''': If I had to differentiate between [Batman and Superman], I'd say Superman is sort of about hope. You've got this guy who's an alien and not truly human, but he personifies all the best qualities of humanity. He's sort of an example of what it would be nice to be like. We would all like to be like Superman. We would all like to have power, compassion, the ability to settle problems in a good way, and maybe [be able to] wink to ourselves about how nobody else besides us knows we really have this secret power and we keep it ourselves. There's not a lot of angst with Superman. If there is, it's more like, "I wish I could tell Lois who I really was." Batman is how you'd like to be if you [could] break someone's neck: "I'm pissed off, and I want to go out and do something about it." Superman waits for trouble to happen, and then he goes off and stops the problem. Batman's looking for trouble; he doesn't really start it, but he's out there looking. And if he sees something going on, he just jumps into the middle of it. :'''JA''': Batman's sort of a sociopath too. :'''PD''': He's absolutely a sociopath. He's a sociopath with a lot of money, and he's got a sense of right and wrong. I don't think he's totally bereft of some sort of compassion or feeling for some of the villains. He doesn't go after somebody like Mr. Freeze without a small bit of compassion for the man, or maybe someone like the Mad Hatter, or even Harley, whom he thinks is certainly a pain in the ass, but I think he kind of wishes she'd get her act together and wise up at some point. <br> But with darker characters like the Scarecrow and the Joker, he's basically out to make sure they never get out again - whatever it takes to take them down. Somebody like the Joker is probably the least human of all of Batman's Rogues Gallery. That was why I never wanted to do a story that humanizes the Joker, like we did with the Mad Hatter or Mr. Freeze, because I just don't think the character lends itself to that. He's almost supernatural in a way; he's somebody who's just thoroughly insane, who does what he wants to do, and who has a grudge against Batman. He probably likes horrifying people with his clownish appearance as much as Batman terrorizes criminals with his nightmare-like appearance. The Joker is pretty inhuman. I'd say the same thing about the Scarecrow. He is someone who really gets turned on by scaring people. He's like the anti-Batman. He's a weak, very unimposing man until he puts on the Scarecrow costume, and then goes out and gasses people with fear gas, and he watches them squirm. There's probably a big turn-on seeing people helpless in front of him screaming in fear. *'''PD''': When [[w:Tim Burton|Tim Burton]]'s ''[[Batman (1989 film)|Batman]]'' came out, that was the way to go. Now [[w:Joel Schumacher|Joel Schumacher]]'s [[Batman Forever|Batman]] is out there, and people are flocking to the movies, so they"re saying, "Can you lighten up the show a little bit? Can you have more fun with it?" So that's what we were charged with doing, and that's what we've done: to lighten up the color palette a little bit, so that every character's not just in dark colors. Robin, for instance, is now black, red, and gold, instead of green. Nightwing is black and a light, almost iridescent, blue. We've also given it a little more of a kid-friendly look. :* [[w:Paul Dini|Paul Dini]], [http://animationarena.com/batman_the_animated_series.html "Batman: The Animated Series"], ''Animation Arena''. * The thing with the Batman show—even though it's one of the most beautiful and well-written shows, and it really gets into Batman—is that it doesn't really move that fast. The fight scenes aren't that intense, and it doesn't really go actiony. There's a lot of walking and talking in it. It looks great, but it needs that kick of having action. And I think that's another thing that kids are picking up on: For the first time, you're actually seeing superheroes really fight bad guys. In a lot of the cartoons when I was growing up, like [[w:Super Friends|Super Friends]], there was no fighting of bad guys. They would just get sent off to jail. It was wacky, it was silly, it wasn't intense, and there wasn't real fighting and stuff in it. ** [[w:Craig McCracken|Craig McCracken]] [http://www.avclub.com/article/the-powerpuff-girls-13665 "The Powerpuff Girls"], Keith Phipps, ''A.V.Club'', Jun 21, 2000. == Cast == * [[Kevin Conroy]] - [[w:Batman|Bruce Wayne/Batman]] * [[w:Loren Lester|Loren Lester]] - [[w:Dick Grayson|Dick Grayson/Robin]] * [[w:Melissa Gilbert|Melissa Gilbert]] - [[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara Gordon/Batgirl]] * [[w:Clive Revill|Clive Revill]]/[[w:Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.|Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.]] - [[w:Alfred Pennyworth|Alfred Pennyworth]] * [[w:Bob Hastings|Bob Hastings]] - [[w:James Gordon (comics)|Commissioner James Gordon]] * [[w:Robert Costanzo|Robert Costanzo]] - [[w:Harvey Bullock (comics)|Detective Harvey Bullock]] * [[w:Ingrid Oliu|Ingrid Oliu]]/Liane Schirmer - [[w:Renee Montoya|Officer Renee Montoya]] * [[Mark Hamill]] - [[w:The Joker (comics)|The Joker]] * [[w:Arleen Sorkin|Arleen Sorkin]] - [[w:Harley Quinn|Dr. Harleen Quinzel/Harley Quinn]] * [[Paul Williams (songwriter)|Paul Williams]] - [[w:Penguin (comics)|Oswald Cobblepot/The Penguin]] * [[Adrienne Barbeau]] - [[w:Catwoman|Selina Kyle/Catwoman]] * [[w:John Glover (actor)|John Glover]] - [[w:Riddler|Edward Nygma/The Riddler]] * [[w:Richard Moll|Richard Moll]] - [[w:Two-Face (comics)|Harvey Dent/Two-Face]] * [[w:George Dzundza|George Dzundza]] - [[w:The Ventriloquist (comics)|Arnold Wesker/The Ventriloquist/Scarface]] * [[w:Henry Silva|Henry Silva]] - [[w:Bane (comics)|Bane]] * [[w:Aron Kincaid|Aron Kincaid]] - [[w:Killer Croc|Killer Croc]] * [[w:Marc Singer|Marc Singer]] - [[w:Man-Bat|Dr. Kirk Langstrom/Man-Bat]] * [[w:Ron Perlman|Ron Perlman]] - [[w:Clayface|Matt Hagen/Clayface]] * [[w:Diane Pershing|Diane Pershing]] - [[w:Poison Ivy (comics)|Dr. Pamela Isley/Poison Ivy]] * [[w:Henry Polic II|Henry Polic II]] - [[w:Scarecrow (DC comics)|Dr. Jonathan Crane/The Scarecrow]] * [[w:Roddy McDowall|Roddy McDowall]] - [[w:Mad Hatter|Dr. Jervis Tetch/The Mad Hatter]] * [[w:Michael Ansara|Michael Ansara]] - [[w:Mr. Freeze|Dr. Victor Freeze/Mr. Freeze]] * [[David Warner (actor)|David Warner]] - [[w:Ra's al Ghul|Ra's al Ghul]] ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} {{Batman}} [[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated superhero TV shows]] [[Category:Animated Batman TV shows]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Animated television programs based on Detective Comics]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Fox Broadcasting Company animated television series]] [[Category:Television series by Warner Bros. Animation]] gb63iwwutr4syq2mmjyljzi4hgubvpg 3778932 3778931 2025-07-14T23:27:51Z 2A00:23C7:8583:8901:5157:8FC5:8DBF:8C56 /* Robin's Reckoning Part 1 [1.32] */ 3778932 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Batman-_The_Animated_Series_logo.svg|thumb|I am [[vengeance]]. I am the [[night]]. I am, '''[[Batman|BATMAN]]'''!]] {{italic title}} '''''[[W:Batman: The Animated Series|Batman: The Animated Series]]''''' is an American animated superhero television series based on the [[DC Comics]] superhero Batman. It was succeeded by ''[[The Adventures of Batman & Robin]]'' and ''[[The New Batman Adventures]]''; the first production in the [[w:DC Animated Universe|DC Animated Universe]]. ==Season 1== ===''On Leather Wings'' [1.1]=== :'''Batman''': ''[reading the paper]'' "Gotham Police Declare War on Batman"? :'''Alfred''': I gather you've been reading ''[[w:How to Win Friends and Influence People|How to Make Friends and Influence People]]''? :'''Batman''': Somebody's setting me up. :'''Alfred''': My heavens. You mean it ''wasn't'' you tossing guards out of windows last night? :'''Batman''': ''[amused]'' I only toss butlers, Alfred. <hr width='50%'/> :'''[[w:Rene Auberjonois|Dr. March]]''': You donate a few million, and you think you own the place. I understand I'm to analyse something for you? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Yeah, doc. See, I keep hearing squeaks in my chimney, and I found these in my empty fireplace. They look like hairs. I thought maybe you could tell me if I have a bat problem. :'''Dr. March''': And what if they are bats, Mr. Wayne? What then? Destroy them like insects? We won't survive the next evolutionary cataclysm, but bats will! They're survivors, Mr. Wayne, not pests! You should understand that! <hr width='50%'/> :'''Dr. Kirk Langstrom''': ''[enters laboratory upon hearing noises]'' Who's back there? ''[spots Batman]'' You...! :'''Batman''': I'm looking for Dr. March. :'''Langstrom''' He's not here, Batman. :'''Batman''': Where is he? :'''Langstrom''': Giving a lecture on human extinction and bat evolution. He's really quite brilliant. :'''Batman''': He's misguided, and a thief. ''[holds up a vial of the serum]'' :'''Langstrom''': He's just a theorist, he was afraid to put it to the test. But I wasn't. I knew he'd discovered a formula to create a totally new species, neither man nor bat. And once I started taking it, I couldn't stop. I desperately wanted to, but... ''it'' took over. Francine and March tried to protect me, but it was too late. The beast knew what chemicals were needed to bring itself about! It was out of my control! And it only needs one more component to complete the process! ''[voice lowering]'' It's in ''ME'', Batman! ''[laughs maniacally and begins to change into Man-Bat]'' <hr width='50%'/> :'''Bullock''': Let's go! :'''Lieutenant''': I can’t do it, sir! :'''Bullock''': Whaddaya mean "you can’t do it"?! :'''Lieutenant''': I just got word not to let you up without the Commissioner! :'''Bullock''': Who told you that?! :'''Lieutenant''': The Commissioner! ''[points at Gordon as he arrives]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Get out, Detective! The Mayor may not let me fire you, but I am ''not'' taking the heat for your fiasco! :'''Bullock''': This is my case, Commissioner! You heard the Mayor! :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Then why don't you go take it up with him?! I've got a job to do! If you wanna tag along, fine! ''[gets into the helicopter]'' Take her up, Lieutenant! :'''Bullock''': ''[trying to clamber in as it takes off]'' Hey! Wait for me! ===''Christmas With The Joker'' [1.2]=== :''[the Arkham Asylum inmates practice signing Jingle Bells as other inmates set up a giant Christmas tree]'' :'''Joker''': Jingle bells! Batman smells! Robin laid an egg! ''[gets a tree-topper and climbs to install it]'' The Batmobile lost a wheel and the Jo-ker got a-wa-a-a-ay! ''[attaches the ornament and the Christmas Tree ignites, revealed as a rocket. Joker clambers at it launches]'' Crashing through the roof! In a one-horse-open tree! Busting out I go! Laughing all the WHEEEEE! ''[the "rocket-tree" flies off into the distance as he sings]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the Christmas with the Joker show]'' :'''Joker''': Rumor has it, Christmas is a time to share with family. :'''Laugh track''': Yea! :'''Joker''': And since I don't have one of my own... :'''Laugh track''': Aww... :'''Joker''': I decided to STEAL one! :'''Laugh track''': Yea! :'''Joker''': And here they are: The Awful Lawful Family! ''[lights turn on and reveal Gordon, Summer, and Bullock tied up and gagged]'' Aren't they just the cutest family you've ever seen? :'''Batman''': ''[watching in the Batmobile]'' It's never easy with the Joker. :'''Joker''': Meet Daddy Lawful! ''[ungags Gordon]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': YOU DISEASED MANIAC! I'LL- ''[Joker gags him again]'' :'''Joker''': Hmm. Looks like I'll have to teach Daddy some manners. And here's Mommy Lawful! ''[ungags Summer]'' :'''Summer Gleason''': HELP! SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP US- ''[Joker gags her again]'' :'''Joker''': Ho ho ho, isn't she jolly? And here we have little Baby Lawful! Coochie coochie coo! ''[ungags Bullock]'' :'''Detective Bullock''': WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, I'LL RIP YOUR- ''[Joker gags him again]'' :'''Joker''': I'll bet Batman wishes he had a family just like mine. Personally I think relatives are a bore, so Batman can have them... ''[points to clock showing 10:30PM] if'' he can find them by midnight! Otherwise... ''[makes a throat-slashing motion and laughs]'' ===''Nothing To Fear'' [1.3]=== :''[Bruce is introduced to Dr. Long and he offers a handshake]'' :'''Dr. Long''': ''[looks at hand and pouts off]'' Your father and I attended university together. He had big plans for you. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Well, I guess he'd be pleased. Wayne Industries is more prosperous than ever. :'''Dr. Long''': Pleased? When your father was alive, Wayne was a name that commanded great respect. Now all Wayne stands for is a self-centered jet-setting playboy. It's lucky your father didn't live to see what you've done to his good name. He'd have died of shame. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Scarecrow sprays a security guard with gas]'' :'''Guard''': Stop! What the-- No! No, spiders! Get them offa me! No! NO! ''[cowers in fear]'' :'''Anthony''': What did you do to him, boss? :'''[[w:Scarecrow (DC Comics)|Scarecrow]]''': I merely helped him visualize his innermost terror, which is obviously [[w:arachnophobia|arachnophobia]]. :'''Nigel''': A-whack-a-what? :'''Scarecrow''': Arachnophobia! Fear of spiders, you dimwitted dropout! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': It seems I have underestimated the Batman, but at least the University is finished. :'''Anthony''': Gee, boss, I never liked school, but, uh, how come you hate the university so much? :'''Scarecrow''': They tried to destroy me. :'''Nigel''': You mean they kicked you out 'cause you weren't smart enough? :'''Scarecrow''': No, you simpleton! ''[pinches Nigel's broken nose]'' :'''Nigel''': Ow! :'''Scarecrow''': I taught there. I was a professor of psychology, specializing in phobias. Inducing terror has always intrigued me. Even as a boy, I loved to frighten things. People, animals, it was all the same. I became obsessed with fear's crippling power. Later, when I became their leading Professor of Subliminal Psychology at the University, I began performing experiments on fear and its subsequent effects. Dr. Long thought I went too far - he called me a lunatic. So now, they will learn the true nature of horror! :'''Anthony''': ''[to Nigel]'' Wow, he's a real professor. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman has been exposed to Scarecrow's fear toxin]'' :'''Thomas Wayne''': Bruce... :'''Batman''': No... not now... :'''Thomas Wayne''': You are a disgrace! ''[turns into the [[w:Grim Reaper|Grim Reaper]]]'' :'''Batman''': No... You are NOT my father. I am NOT a disgrace! I am vengeance, I am the night. I...AM...'''BATMAN!''' ===''The Last Laugh'' [1.4]=== :'''Summer Gleeson''': I'm here in Downtown Gotham where corporate CEOs have gone stark, raving mad. It would appear that the collapse of the stock market is now imminent. The question is: Will [[April Fools' Day]] mark the end of Gotham City as we know it? :'''Joker''': The only things gaining now are the laughing stocks! ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[After trapping Batman in a sealed garbage can]'' :'''Joker''': I just love these new Ziploc seals! We wouldn't want our little caged rodent to suffocate, so we'll just ''[draws a knife]'' PUNCH SOME AIRHOLES! ''[laughing, he stabs holes in the can, with Batman being forced to dodge each one]'' Okay, Captain! Give 'er the old heave-ho! ''[Captain Clown salutes and throws the can into the river, where it starts to flood and sink]'' Oops! Looks like our airholes are waterholes too! ''[smirking at the viewer]'' What a shame! ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Justice is served hot, Batman! You're going to melt just like a grilled-cheese sandwich! :''[The Joker tries to send Batman falling into the furnace with a cascade of garbage, but Batman escapes and swings to safety on his grappling hook]'' :'''Batman''': Justice ''will'' be served, Joker. :'''Joker''': Service with a SMILE?! ''[tosses a razor card at Batman, who dodges it just in time]'' :'''Batman''': Clean up your act, Joker. :'''Joker''': Oh, that's a joke, right? Batman finally told a joke! ''[laughing, the Joker draws another card and flings it, but Batman catches it with a smirk. With a gasp of shock, the Joker tries to flee, but gets his food caught on a cable and he ends up dangling over the furnace]'' BATMAN! YOU WOULDN'T LET ME FRY, WOULD YOU?! ''[Batman leans on the railing, pretending to consider it] '''BATMAN!''' [Batman pulls him up]'' ===''Pretty Poison'' [1.5]=== :'''Dent''': So, what do you think? :'''Bruce''': Does she have a sister? :'''Dent''': Nope. Pam's one of a kind. That's why I asked her to marry me. :'''Bruce''': ''[spits out his water upon hearing this]'' WHAT?! :'''Dent''': Yup, that's the page one headline. Hey... is it starting to get warm? :'''Bruce''': You're still flushed from that last kiss. Harvey, you just met her last week! :'''Dent''': And I already know she's the one. Gosh, it's hot in here... :'''Bruce''': Marriage is a major step, Harvs. Don't you think you're rushing it? :'''Dent''': No way. The moment I laid eyes on Pam, her love hit me right in the face. ''[falls right into the food he ordered]'' :'''Bruce''': ''[laughs]'' Harvey, you've lost your mind. Knock it off. ''[sees him unresponsive]'' Harv? Harvey! ''[Later sees Harvey carried into an ambulance and climbs inside]'' Hang on, Harvey. Hang on. <hr width=50%"/> :'''Bullock''': So what'd you put in this mousse?! :'''Chef''': Chocolate, sugar, eggs, cream... :'''Bullock''': STRYCHNINE?! :'''Chef''': No, no, no strychnine. But I added just a pinch of vanilla. :'''Bullock''': ''[turns to a waiter, frustrated]'' You know who did it?! TALK! :'''Waiter''': Hey, I just clean the dishes, okay? <hr width=50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[chuckles]'' Batman! A late night rendezvous? To what do I owe the honor? :'''Batman''': ''[struggling against Ivy's giant flytrap]'' Harvey Dent! :'''Poison Ivy''': Oh, the poor district attorney. I hear he's not expected to live. Oh, it's so sad... ''[feigns crying, which quickly turns to insane laughter]'' :'''Batman''': Why, Isley? :'''Poison Ivy''': Oh, please, call me Poison Ivy. You see, Harvey had to pay for his crime. :'''Batman''': What crime? :'''Poison Ivy''': Why, murder, of course! Plowing up a field of beautiful wildflowers for that silly penitentiary of his. This little rose would be extinct today if I hadn't saved my precious from those horrible bulldozers! The blood of those flowers are on his hands! ''[calms down after her tantrum]'' So his fate was sealed ''[applies lipstick]'' ...with a kiss. And now, so is yours. ''[Ivy's plant holds Batman still as she kisses him; he tries to spit away the poison]'' Oh, what's wrong? Afraid I have cooties? ''[laughs]'' Oh, now you've gone and hurt my feelings. Too bad. I was going to share the antidote with you. ''[opens a bottle and waves it under his nose]'' Lovely fragrance, don't you think? ''[applies a drop to her face]'' I call it "Rose From the Dead". <hr width=50%"/> :''[In a cell in Arkham]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': They can bury me in the ground, as deep as they like. But I'll grow back. ''[to her rose]'' We ''always'' grow back. Don't we, baby? ===''The Underdwellers'' [1.6]=== :'''Sewer King''': Lesson number one is: NOOOOO TAAAALKING! Children are to be seen and not heard. We are the Underdwellers. We are the silent ones. We follow the invisible creed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sewer King''': Frog! The rolls, if you please. :''[Another boy nervously steps over with them; the Sewer King grabs his wrist angrily]'' :'''Sewer King''': You're not Frog! Where is he?! He's not here! ''[smacks the bowl of rolls away]'' NOT HERE! And after all I've done for you ungrateful little monsters! I took you in when nobody else would have you! It is I who care for you! I who provide for you! And only I WHO KNOWS WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU! Would you rather I sent you back into the light? Back to those who hurt you, and sent you away? :''[The children tearfully shake their heads; the Sewer King pushes the dinner table over with a loud crash]'' :'''Sewer King''': THERE WILL BE NOTHING TO EAT UNTIL FROG IS FOUND! NOW OUT WITH YOU! ''OUT WITH YOU!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I don't know what kind of barbarian did this to you, but it's over. And from now on, you'll be treated like human beings. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sewer King''': ''[clapping]'' Bravo. Bravo. You've caused me great distress, you evil bat, yes, yes, yes, you have! You've hurt my pretty pets, and you've frightened my beloved children! :'''Batman''': ''[incredulous and disgusted]'' "Beloved children"?! :'''Sewer King''': Yes! I feed them, I clothe them, I discipline them, and I teach them a trade! And now, I will teach ''you'' something! :''[He stamps on Batman's hands, but Batman swings under the pipe and kicks him from behind, causing him to fall off]'' :'''Batman''': Grab my hand! :'''Sewer King''': ''NEVER!'' :''[He falls into the water, where the alligators close in and seemingly devour him]'' :'''Batman''': A gruesome fate for a gruesome man. :''[He hears the Sewer King laughing, and sees him with the alligators, unharmed]'' :'''Sewer King''': I rather enjoyed it! I told you, they're my pretties! ''[pets one, laughing]'' Have a nice swim! :''[Batman swings over to chase him, narrowly missing the alligators' jaws]'' :'''Batman''': Later. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman pulls the Sewer King out of the way of an oncoming train]'' :'''Sewer King''': Why? Why?! ''Why?!'' :'''Batman''': ''[seething with anger]'' I don't pass sentence. That's for the courts. But this time - ''this time'' - I am ''sorely tempted'' to do the job myself! ===''P.O.V.'' [1.7]=== :''[after Batman grapples up a crane with Officer Montoya to safety]'' :'''Batman''': Are you alright? :''[Machine gun bullets hit around Batman and Officer Montoya, causing both of them to duck]'' :'''Officer Montoya''': Dandy. :'''Batman''': Then don't go away. :'''Officer Montoya''': ''[Batman leaves as more machine gun bullets hit. Montoya stays down]'' Count on it. <hr width="50%"/> :''[after Commissioner Gordon congratulates Officer Montoya for foiling the dock heist with Batman's aid]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': I have to hand it to you, Montoya. You and the Batman really turned this thing around. :'''Patrolman Wilkes''': Yeah, what a [[wikt:collar|collar]]! You didn't just bust 'em, you put the whole gang out of commission. ''[Lieutenant Hackle appears to accuse Montoya]'' :'''Lieutenant Hackle''': What collar? She's suspended! ''[Gordon angrily grabs Heckle]'' :'''Commissioner Gordon''': This [[wikt:farce|farce]] has gone far enough, Hackle! We apprehended the suspects and recovered our money. The investigation is closed! ''[He grabs three confiscated police badges out of Hackle's suit pocket and shoves him aside. He hands the badges to Officer Montoya]'' Officer Montoya earned this collar. :'''Officer Montoya''': The collar belongs to all three of us, Commissioner. It was a team effort. ''[Montoya accepts hers and hands Wilkes back his badge]'' :'''Patrolman Wilkes''': Gee... thanks, partner! :'''Detective Bullock''': ''[grumbling under his breath]'' Yeah, yeah... :'''Officer Montoya''': What was that, Bullock? ''[happily gives badge to Bullock]'' :'''Detective Bullock''': ''[reluctantly hesitates, accepts his badge]'' I said... Thanks a lot, Montoya. ===''The Forgotten'' [1.8]=== :'''Bruce''': What is this? :'''Smith''': If it's moving, it's a rat. If it isn't, it's a cooked rat. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': ''[Alfred flies the Batwing to the tracking device's location]'' This must be the place! Bring us down! :'''Batwing Computer''': Negative. :'''Alfred''': ''[pressing buttons madly]'' But Master Bruce is down there! We HAVE to land! :'''Computer''': Impossible. Area too confined. :'''Alfred''': ''[pounds the console]'' Land, you bucket of bolts! :'''Computer''': Your funeral. :'''Alfred''': Oh, dear...! ''[The Batwing flies down abruptly. Bruce, escaping the mine, sees the Batwing fly over]'' :'''Bruce''': ''[Smiles]'' Son of a gun! :''[The Batwing reaches a flat area near Bruce and lands. The cockpit opens.]'' :'''Computer''': Watch your step. :'''Alfred''': ''[tumbles out, dazed]'' [[w:Juan Rodriguez Cabrillo|I-I-I claim this land... for Spain]]. ''[collapses]'' ===''Be A Clown'' [1.9]=== :'''Jordan''': How can I get to be a great magician like you, Jekko? :'''"Jekko"''': Well, there are three steps! Step one: run away. Step two: find a magician with a great act. And step three: ''steal it.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Summer Gleason''': ''[reporting on TV]'' Denying reports of a bomb blast at his son's birthday party, Mayor Hill insists the explosion was caused by faulty electrical wiring. :'''"Jekko"''': Yeah! RIGHT! ''[laughs]'' :'''Summer Gleason''': The Mayor declined, however, to confirm that his son Jordan was missing. :'''"Jekko"''': Missing? :'''Jordan''': ''[coming into view]'' It's me, Jekko. I ran away. :'''"Jekko"''': You did '''WHAT?!?''' :'''Jordan''': I want to be a magician, like you. :'''"Jekko"''': Why, you... ''[laughs]'' Well, kid, you got step one right! Come on in. I've been thinking about a protégé. <hr width="50%"/> :'''"Jekko"''': ''[sees Batman approaching on a monitor]'' Well, if it ain't the Caped Coconut... :'''Jordan''': My dad says Batman's no good. :'''"Jekko"''': Well, then I guess your dad's not a ''total'' idiot! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman is trapped inside a tank filled with water, complete with a straitjacket and leg restraints]'' :'''"Jekko"''': For your viewing pleasure, we present... the infamous water tank trap! The great [[w:Harry Houdini|Houdini]] survived such a test. Dare we demand less of the Batman?! :'''Jordan''': I don't like this, Jekko... :'''"Jekko"''': Quiet, kid, it's a free ticket. :''[Batman manages to free the sleeves of the jacket]'' :'''Jordan''': ''[clapping]'' He did it! He got free! :'''"Jekko"''': They don't make straitjackets like they used to. ''[grinning]'' I should know... :''[Batman wriggles out of the jacket and undoes the leg restraints, but struggles to break the glass]'' :'''Jordan''': He can't get out! What's the trick? :'''"Jekko"''': That's just it! THERE IS NO TRICK! :'''Jordan''': No! He'll drown! :''[Jordan grabs an axe and strikes the side of the tank to try and free Batman, but "Jekko" takes the axe away]'' :'''"Jekko"/Joker''': That's why they call it the FINALE! ''[throws down the axe and discards his "Jekko the Clown" mask]'' Now sit down and enjoy the show! ===''Two-Face Part 1'' [1.10]=== :'''[[w:John Vernon|Rupert Thorne]]''': All men have something to hide. The brighter the picture, the darker the negative. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Dent's raid on Thorne has been aborted by the judge due to supposed lack of reliable evidence]'' :'''Dent''': No! NO! '''I SPENT ''THREE MONTHS'' ON THAT RAID!''' He can't overturn! The fool! HE'S ''BEEN BOUGHT! LIKE ALL THE REST!'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[tries to restrain him]'' Harvey, please try to calm down. This sort of behavior doesn't run well with the voters- :'''Dent''': ''LET GO OF ME, YOU RICH TWIT!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dent''': Stealing someone's psychiatric file is pretty low, Thorne! Even for a swine like you! :'''Rupert Thorne''': But it makes for such fascinating reading. Listen to this, boys. Says here that when Harvey was a little boy, he was bothered by a bully. Every day the bully would bug him after school, until one day little Harvey got so mad, he slugged him one. :'''Thorne's Thugs''': Oooh! :'''Rupert Thorne''': Of course, the bully ran away, which made little Harvey very proud. Until he heard that the bully was in the hospital. :'''Candace''': That was some punch. :'''Rupert Thorne''': ''[chuckles]'' That's what Harvey thought. Except the guy was in the hospital for appendicitis! ''[chuckles again]'' But poor Harvey felt so guilty, he never showed his anger again. And that was the start of "Big Bad Harv". :'''Dent''': What do you want? :'''Rupert Thorne''': Just a few favors from the D.A.'s office. :'''Dent''': You're dreaming. :'''Rupert Thorne''': Otherwise, as a concerned citizen, I'd be compelled to give this to the press. After all, the people of Gotham have a right to know the kind of person... or should I say "persons", they've elected. So, what do you say, Harvey? Do we have a deal? :''[Harvey's face has contorted in building rage the entire time, but suddenly relaxes into deceptive docility]'' :'''Dent''': There's just one problem. :'''Rupert Thorne''': What's that? :'''Dent''': ''[in Big Bad Harv's voice]'' '''''You're talking to the wrong Harvey.''''' ===''Two-Face Part 2'' [1.11]=== :''[In a nightmare, Harvey is being chased by a dark shadow. He suddenly realizes he is standing on a collapsing wooden bridge]'' :'''Harvey Dent''': Stay back! ''[the shadow reveals itself to be Batman, pleading for Harvey's help]'' :'''Batman''': Harvey, please, let me help you! :'''Harvey Dent''': You?! You saw what was happening! You knew that something was terribly wrong with me! I thought you were my friend! You should have been able to help me--but you didn't! ''[Harvey covers his face with his two hands, now transformed into Two-Face]'' :'''Two-Face''': ''NOW LOOK AT ME!!'' :'''Batman''': But I tried, Harvey. I... ''[the bridge pulls itself apart, causing Two-Face to fall off]'' Harvey! :'''Two-Face''': ''[Plummets into an abyss of glowing red light] WHY COULDN'T YOU SAVE ME...?!!'' :''[Batman looks down the edge and gasps with horrified shock. He instead sees his late parents Thomas and Martha Wayne underneath a single lamppost. They both raise their heads in sadness]'' :'''Thomas Wayne''': Why couldn't you save us, son? :''[Bruce wakes up, sweating with fear. He then turns to a photo of Two-Face from a newspaper]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': So what are you dreaming tonight, Harvey? Peaceful dreams? Nightmares? Maybe both at once. Sleep well, my friend. Whether you are, whatever you've become... I ''will'' save you. I swear. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Two-Face''': This is my world now. A dichotomy of order and chaos - just like me. :'''Grace''': Harvey, what's happened to your mind, your feelings? You used to listen to your feelings. :'''Two-Face''': ''[flipping his coin]'' This is what I listen to now. ''Chance,'' Grace. Chance is everything. Whether you're born or not, whether you live or die, whether you're good or bad... it's all arbitrary. :'''Grace''': That's nonsense, Harvey. Was it chance that made you District Attorney? Was it chance that made you fall in love with me? Take control of your life, Harvey. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Two-Face grabs a tommy gun and aims at a defenceless Thorne]'' :'''Rupert Thorne''': No! Two-Face, don't! ''[to Batman]'' You can't let him! :'''Grace''': Harvey! What are you doing?! :'''Two-Face''': Taking control of my life. :'''Batman''': Let the law handle it. :'''Two-Face''': "The law"?! ''[takes out his coin]'' Here's the only law! The law of averages! The great equalizer! :''[Two-Face flips the coin, but Batman throws out a crate of other coins, and Two-Face's is lost among them as they spill out]'' :'''Two-Face''': ''[horrified and panicked]'' NO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! ''[searches through them frantically]'' My coin! Where is it?! I can't decide without...! Oh no, it's ''gotta'' be here, it's ''gotta! [shrieks with anguish]'' '''''I HAVE TO HAVE IT!!!''''' :''[He continues to scream, swiping the coins aside before collapsing in tears; Grace gently comforts him]'' :'''Grace''': It's all right now, Harvey. I'm here. ===''It's Never Too Late'' [1.12]=== :'''Father Michael Stromwell''': Arnold? That's one soul I wish I could give up on. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arnold Stromwell''': I don't need your help! :'''Michael Stromwell''': Is that a fact? An empire crumbling? A marriage shattered? A son lost? Sure, you're doing fine. ===''I've Got Batman In My Basement'' [1.13]=== :''[after Penguin's goons successfully steal a [[w:Fabergé egg|Fabergé egg]] on a tall building]'' :'''Goon 1''': ''[chuckles]'' A piece of cake, just like the boss said. :'''Goon 2''': Yeah, all it took was five minutes. ''[Batman makes his surprise appearance to the goons]'' :'''Batman''': And that'll get you five ''years''... ''[pause]'' with good behavior. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Be-fowled by a couple of fledgelings! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Grant''': Sherman, what are you doing down there? :'''Sherman''': Nothing, Mom! :'''Mrs. Grant''': You're not trying to make gunpowder again, are you? :'''Sherman''': No, Mom! Honest! :'''Roberta''': We just saved Batman's life, Mrs. Grant, and now we're hiding him from some bad criminals. :'''Mrs. Grant''': That's good, just don't make a mess. ''[leaves]'' :'''Sherman''': Nice going, Miss Big Mouth. :'''Roberta''': ''[shrugging]'' Sorry, Sherman, I guess I panicked. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Gentlemen - and I use the term loosely - after you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': Eurgh, how bourgeois. Tearing this place apart could only improve it! Let the egg hunt begin! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mrs. Grant''': Young man, you've got some serious explaining to do! ''[sees Batman and the defeated Penguin and gasps]'' :'''Sherman''': Err, Mom, I'd like you to meet Batman. Batman, this is my mom. :'''Batman''': Ma'am. :'''Mrs. Grant''': Oh, hello... :'''Sherman''': Say, Batman, you wouldn't be single, would you? ===''[[w:Heart of Ice (Batman: The Animated Series)|Heart of Ice]]'' [1.14]=== :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[gazes at the ballerina snow globe]'' This is how I'll always remember you. Surrounded by [[winter]] forever young, forever beautiful. Rest well, my love. The monster who took you from me will soon learn that [[revenge]] is a dish... ''[opens his eyes through his red goggles]'' best served '''cold'''. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman infiltrates an office in GothCorp headquarters and sees a classified file with a videotape and medical records of a woman named Nora Fries. He plays the tape on a nearby VCR]'' :'''Victor Fries''': ''[on the tape]'' My name is Doctor Victor Fries. I am recording what I pray would be mankind's first step toward immortality. ''[camera pans to a large machine with a glass capsule and a woman inside it]'' Behind me, you see the CC-100, a cryogenic freezing chamber of my own design. I created it for the express purpose of freezing subjects stricken with inoperable ailments. Subjects like... my own beloved wife, Nora. Once a remedy has been found-- ''[reacts to a loud banging on the door]'' :'''Ferris Boyle''': ''[Behind the door]'' Open this door! Open it now! ''[A security guard kicks the door down, Ferris and another guard step into the room. Boyle confronts Fries angrily.]'' Get away from that equipment! ''[Orders his guards]'' Shut this stuff down. :'''Fries''': ''[Panicked]'' Stop! This is my experiment! :'''Boyle''': Your ''unauthorized'' experiment. I ordered funding suspended weeks ago! I'm already three million in debt thanks to you! :'''Fries''': You can't stop it now! My wife is in there! :'''Boyle''': So bring her out! :'''Fries''': You can't interrupt the process now! :'''Boyle''': ''[unmoved; to guard]'' Open it. :'''Fries''': ''[desperately holds on to Boyle]'' It's her only chance! :'''Boyle''': ''[shrugs off Fries]'' This is MY equipment! ''MINE!'' I have every legal right to use it or not use it as I see fit. I say this project ends ''now!'' :'''Fries''': ''[grabs pistol from security guard and aims it at Ferris]'' '''NO!''' Stay away from her, murderer! :'''Boyle''': ''[tries to act charming to Fries]'' Victor... I'm sorry... I lost my temper. It doesn't have to come to this. We can talk! ''[Fries calms down and Boyle kicks him into a table of cryonic chemicals. Victor screams in pain as the cloud of volatile chemicals engulf him. Boyle steps away in fear and runs out of the room with his guards]'' Get out. Get out! :'''Fries''': ''[Clinging to his freezing chamber, screaming through the glass] Nora! NORA...! [passes out. The tape ends]'' :'''Batman''': ''[Horrified]'' My God! :''[A voice rings out--it's Mr. Freeze, who just snuck in the room]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': Yes. It would move me to tears, if I still had tears to shed. ''[freezes Batman with his cryo-gun]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mr. Freeze raids the award ceremony and confronts Ferris Boyle, who is receiving a humanitarian award]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': The cold eyes of vengeance are upon you, Boyle. :'''Ferris Boyle''': Who...who ''are'' you?! :'''Mr. Freeze''': Come, now. Surely you remember your old colleague... Victor Fries? :''[Mr. Freeze aims and fires his freezing gun at Boyle's feet, ice slowly covering up his legs to his waist]'' :'''Boyle''': ''[cries in pain]'' NO! No...! Stop... please... I... b-beg you! ''[Mr. Freeze stops his freezing gun for a moment of clarity]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': You... ''beg?'' In my nightmares I see my Nora behind the glass, begging to me with frozen eyes. How I've longed to see that look frozen on you. :''[Batman batarangs Mr Freeze's cryo-gun and attacks him. Mr Freeze overpowers Batman and throws him off]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': The advanced circuitry that powers my suit also triples my strength! ''[engages Batman, and lifts him off the ground]'' Sooner or later, all who stand in my way must feel the icy touch of death! :''[Mr. Freeze is about to kill Batman, but collapses when Batman smashes his glass helmet with a thermos full of chicken soup given to him by Alfred earlier]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': ''[walks next to Batman]'' Ooh...! What was that stuff? :'''Batman''': The only way to fight a cold. :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[as his suit falters]'' It can't end this way... vengeance...! :'''Batman''': No, ''justice''. A year ago, Ferris Boyle interrupted an experiment, and in the process destroyed two lives. ''[gives Summer Gleeson the tape he found]'' Here's the evidence. ''[walks to a still shivering Boyle; he sneers at Boyle with disgust]'' Good night, humanitarian! ''[walks off]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mr. Freeze is in his subzero cell in Arkham Asylum, gazing into his ballerina snow globe]'' :'''Mr. Freeze''': I failed you. I wish there were another way for me to say it... but I cannot. ''[Tears silently slide down his face]'' I can only beg your [[forgiveness]] and pray you hear me somehow, someplace. Someplace... where a warm hand waits for mine. ===''The Cat And The Claw Part 1'' [1.15]=== :'''Stern''': Now if you'll excuse me, I've given you all the time I can spare. :'''Selina Kyle''': You'll find more time for me, Mr. Stern. Before I'm through, I'll have every environmental group and animal rights activist breathing down your neck. They'll be looking at you and your project so closely, you'll feel like a bug in a bell-jar. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You're late. :'''Mob Boss''': Can't you walk up to someone normal-like? :'''Batman''': I hear you have some information. :'''Mob Boss''': Under one condition: Lay off the South Side. :'''Batman''': Keep this up, and I'll be on you from ''all'' sides. North, south, east, and west. ===''The Cat And The Claw Part 2'' [1.16]=== :'''Batman''': Red Claw? A woman? :'''[[W:Red_Claw|Red Claw]]''': Do you have a problem with that, Batman? :'''Batman''': Not at all. I'm an equal opportunity crime fighter! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I didn't want you taken away like a common criminal. :'''Catwoman''': So you ''do'' care. :'''Batman''': ''[handcuffing her]'' More than you'll ever know. ===''See No Evil'' [1.17]=== :'''Lloyd Ventrix''': See you 'round, Batman! Too bad you can't say the same! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Ventrix, the suit! It's poison! :'''Ventrix''': So what if it is?! I don't care! As long as I have it, I can take my daughter back whenever I want! Her mother won't stop me, AND NEITHER WILL YOU! ===''Beware The Gray Ghost'' [1.18]=== :''[At a video shop, Bruce Wayne asks for Gray Ghost films]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': I'd like the ''Gray Ghost''. :'''Store Clerk''': ''[smirks and walks away]'' Hmm. Name something else. :'''Wayne''': You said you had everything. :'''Store Clerk''': Except the ''Gray Ghost''! Nobody has it! The studio that made the show, Spectra? It burned down 20 years ago. The negatives all went up like kindling, real shame. :'''Wayne''': So the ''Gray Ghost'' doesn't exist? :'''Clerk''': Not anymore. Sorry, pal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Simon Trent''': ''[Hands Batman a film reel with the key the mystery]'' Here's your answer, take it and go! :'''Batman''': I used to admire what the Gray Ghost stood for... :'''Simon Trent''': I'm not the Gray Ghost! :'''Batman''': ''[coldly]'' I can see that now. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the launch of the Gray Ghost videos]'' :'''Bruce''': Could you make this out to 'Bruce'? :'''Gray Ghost''': ''[signing autograph]'' Here you are, Bruce. :'''Bruce''': Thanks. As a kid, I used to watch you with my father. The Gray Ghost was my hero. :'''Gray Ghost''': ''[realizing]'' Really... :'''Bruce''': ''[smiling]'' And he still is. ===''Prophecy Of Doom'' [1.19]=== :'''Nostromos''': I predict... you and I are about to become rich as pigs! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lucas''': No one could've predicted Batman would spot me. Not even the great Nostromos. Besides, how do you know Wayne survived? :'''Nostromos''': The news said he got off the elevator right before it fell, you pathetic amateur! :'''Lucas''': Well, you didn't predict he would ''die'', exactly... ===''Feat Of Clay Part 1'' [1.20]=== :''[About Matt Hagen's repeated use of "Renuyu" to restore his disfigured face]'' :'''Teddy Lupus''': You can't go on like this, Matt. You hurt all the time now. :'''[[w:Clayface|Matt Hagen]]''': ''[irritated]'' You're just my stand-in, Lupus. Nobody promoted you to nursemaid! :'''Lupus''': That stuff makes your face like putty, Matt; it can't be good for ya. :'''Hagen''': It probably ain't good for me. But unless I only want to do ''horror'' pictures, it ain't bad for me either. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Listen up, scumwad, 'cause I'm only gonna ask you once. Who was Lucius Fox meeting at the tram? :'''Raymond Bell''': Wayne... Bruce Wayne! :'''Batman''': You lying sleaze! You wanna rethink that answer? ===''Feat Of Clay Part 2'' [1.21]=== :'''Clayface''': ''[testing his new shapeshifting powers]'' The formula must have soaked every cell in my body. :'''Teddy Lupus''': It's.... It's some kind of miracle! ''[sees Matt change back into Clayface]'' Wha... What are you doing? :'''Clayface''': No. No! You broke my concentration! It won't work, don't you see?! It's too hard! It's like tensing a muscle - I can't keep it up for long! MY CAREER, MY ''LIFE'' - IT ''IS'' GONE! AND I CAN NEVER GET IT BACK! ''[In his rage, Clayface destroys several things in the trailer]'' I'm not an actor anymore! I'm not even... a ''man''! ''[Sobs softly]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Clayface''': Not even the Batman could stop me, Teddy. And that means ''Daggett'' won't have a prayer. :'''Teddy''': Matt, please, you don't wanna do anything crazy. Why don't you try to get some shuteye? :'''Clayface''': ''[growls]'' DON'T YOU DARE PATRONIZE ME!!! I told you I don't need rest! I don't need food! AND I DON'T NEED YOU!!!! ''[grabs Teddy and throws him to a bookcase then walks out the door]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Roland Daggett is at a talk show talking about Renuyu facial cream and the host entertains audience questions]'' :'''Woman''': I'd like to ask Mr. Daggett about the rumors I've heard. I hear he's selling Renuyu through direct marketing because stores won't carry it due to its harmful side effects. :'''[[w:Roland Daggett|Roland Daggett]]''': Well that's, uh, absolutely untrue- :'''Woman''': ''[stands up and approaches him]'' What about the addictive properties of Renuyu, Mr. Daggett? Once you're hooked, you can't stop using it without horrible...''pain!'' :'''Daggett''': No! I mean... That's just not so! :'''Woman''': Why don't you show them what an ''overdose'' can do, Daggett?! Why don't you tell them ''[voices goes deeper]'' about ME?! ''[transforms into Clayface]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Batman tricks Clayface into confronting him in a recording room, where he turns multiple screens showing headshots of Clayface's past roles]'' :'''Clayface''': What are you doing?! Stop it! :'''Batman''': Look at them, Hagan. Look at what you used to be! :'''Clayface''': No, no! Turn them off...! :'''Batman''': You ''can'' play those roles again, Hagan. Let me help you find a cure. :'''Clayface''': ''[begins to shapeshift into his past roles]'' No! Hagan's gone! Make him stop haunting me! ''[begins to uncontrollably shapeshift into his past roles]'' Stop it! Turn them off! I can't control it! I can't be all of them! Not all at once! :''[Batman tries to turn on some more screens, but Clayface knocks him out of the way and smashes the control panels; Clayface yanks off one of the screens and throws it at Batman, who dodges; the screen hits the big screen, causing an explosion; the police arrive to see Clayface in his shapeshifting seizure as he shifts his face into Bruce Wayne]'' :'''Officer''': Mother of mercy! It looks just like Bruce Wayne! :''[Clayface punches through two screens, electrocuting him and reverting back into his true form and he topples over; Batman walks up to Clayface]'' :'''Clayface''': ''[morphs into Matt Hagan]'' You know what I'd have given for a death scene like this? ''[morphs into his scarred form]'' Too bad I won't get to... read the notices. ''[faints and reverts back to his true form.]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Lucius Fox''': I'm just glad to know it wasn't really Bruce Wayne who attacked me. :'''Summer Gleeson''': Thank you, Mr. Fox. All charges against Wayne have, of course, been dropped. And Roland Daggett remains in custody. :''[as Alfred turns off the TV, Batman is experimenting with a piece of Clayface's clay]'' :'''Alfred''': My word, sir. I should think after all this, it would time to rest. :'''Batman''': Look. A piece of clay left behind when they took Hagan's body away. Watch. ''[zaps the clay with electricity, causing it to morph into multiple shapes]'' :'''Alfred''': Electricity has no effect on it? :'''Batman''': Exactly. ''[scene changes to a morgue where a doctor uncovers Clayface's body; voice-over]'' I wouldn't be surprised if the body they took to the morgue was only a shell. ''[Clayface's body cracks and crumbles into little pieces]'' Don't forget, first and foremost, Hagan was an actor. ''[scene changes to Teddy outside the hospital]'' He said it himself, Alfred. He called it a scene. Maybe the greatest scene in his career. :'''Teddy''': ''[sadly]'' See you 'round, Matt. ''[walks away]'' :'''Batman''': A death scene so real... it fooled us all. :''[A woman laughs maniacally as her voice grows deeper and her eyes turn yellow, revealing her to be a disguised Clayface]'' ===''Joker's Favor'' [1.22]=== :'''[[w:Joker (comics)|Joker]]''': ''[tosses two pennies on the ground]'' There's your two cents. Now, what are you going to do to me? :'''Charlie''': Listen.... I... O'm sorry, really! I.... I had a bad day. Boss turned down my raise, and... :'''Joker''': Now look, my rude friend! We can't have people cursing at each other on the freeway. It's simply ''not polite''! ''[jumps down and grabs him]'' I'm just going to have to teach you some manners. ''[reaches into his coat]'' :'''Charlie''': Please don't! I have a family, a wife, a little boy! Please! I'll do anything to make it up! Anything! :'''Joker''': Anything, says you? ''[Charlie nods; Joker releases him]'' Okee-dokee! Wallet. :'''Charlie''': Uh, okay. I don't have much cash. :'''Joker''': Oh, please! Don't insult me! ''[takes out driver's license]'' Charles Michael Collins. That's you! Tsk tsk, lousy picture, though. Lousy! Address, height, weight, blah blah blah. ''[tosses the wallet back and keeps the license]'' Righty-o, Chuckers! Here's the deal. I'll let you off if you promise to do a little favor for me. :'''Charlie''': Okay. What? :'''Joker''': ''I DON'T KNOW! I HAVEN'T THOUGHT OF IT YET!'' You just toddle on back to your mundane, meaningless little life, and when I need you, I'll call. Fair? Good? Great! I'll be in touch. ''[walks away, laughing maniacally]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Charlie''': Hello? :'''Joker''': Hello, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': Wrong number, pal. My name is Don. :'''Joker''': Oh, no, no, no. This IS the right number, Charles Michael Collins. Oh, I don't know why you changed your name to Don Wallace and moved your family to 12 Marigold Lane, Springdale, Ohio. One might think you were trying to skip out on our little deal. ''[to Harley Quinn]'' Leave the sideburns. :'''Charlie''': Uh... how did you find me? :'''Joker''': Oh, I never lost you, Chaz. You've become my... HOBBY!! ''[laughs maniacally]'' Now, listen up, Charlie Brown. You're booked on the next flight to Gotham. Tell the family you have to visit a sick friend. Oh, and let's keep this to ourselves, 'kay? Bad things happen to people who gossip, capisce, Carlo? ''[Charlie looks out the window to see Joker's henchmen pull up to his house]'' :'''Charlie''': Yeah... :'''Joker''': Good! See ya! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': You miserable little ''nobody!'' If I get caught, your wife and son are history! :'''Charlie''': You're not getting caught. Not this time. I found this blown out of the van. :''[He pulls one of the Joker's bombs from his jacket, and the Joker looks shocked and afraid]'' :'''Charlie''': This is how it ends, Joker. No big schemes, no grand fight to the finish with the Dark Knight. Tomorrow, all the papers will say is that the great Joker was found blown to bits in an alley, alongside a "miserable little nobody"! ''[chuckles]'' Kinda funny. Ironic, really. See? I can destroy a man's dreams too! And that's really the only dream you've got, isn't it?! :'''Joker''': ''[still scared]'' Look, Charlie, you've had a busy day! All this running around, all this excitement with... ''[yelling out desperately]'' '''''BATMAN!''''' Stop! You... you're crazy! :'''Charlie''': I had a good teacher! ''[chuckles]'' Say goodnight, Gracie! :'''Joker''': ''[terrified, trying to crawl away]'' NO! '''BATMAN! ''BATMAN!''''' ''[sees Batman in the shadows, and gasps with relief and annoyance]'' How long have you been there?! :'''Batman''': Long enough. Put it down, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': You know he'll just escape again! This is the only way my family stays safe! :'''Joker''': All right, you win! Take it easy! ''[surrenders his notebook to Batman]'' Here's everything on his blasted family - names, addresses, it's all there! You're no fun anymore, Charlie. :'''Charlie''': Hey, Joker! ''[throws the bomb at the Joker, who cowers behind Batman - only for the "bomb" to release harmless confetti]'' Gotcha! :''[Batman lets out a short laugh]'' :'''Joker''': ''[dryly]'' Oh, very funny. A million laughs. :'''Batman''': Go home, Mr. Collins. :'''Charlie''': Home. I never thought that could sound so good. I wonder what Bonnie's making for dinner. Right now, anything would taste great. Even meatloaf. ===''Vendetta'' [1.23]=== :'''Batman''': Here's how it works, slimeball. I have questions, and if you have answers, I'll leave you alone. :'''Rupert Thorne''': Oh, I have plenty of answers... thirty-eight caliber answers. Now then, you were saying? :'''Batman''': ''[Using Thorne as a shield]'' I was saying, you'd better hope your men are ''very'' good shots. It's too hot in here. Let's get some air. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Killer Croc''': Terrific. Just what I need now. The freak job in the cape. :'''Batman''': You're no prize yourself. :'''Killer Croc''': ''[strangling Batman]'' What can I tell you now? Being a reptile man ain't pretty... but it's got its upside. Like having the strength of a crocodile, for instance! But I guess you've learned that by now, huh? ''[forcing Batman into the water]'' The hard way. You know, they used to call "Killer Croc" the meanest dude in the Wrestling Federation. Now they'll call him the guy who iced the Batman! :'''Batman''': ''[flip-kicks Killer Croc really hard and gets out of the water]'' Don't hold your breath. ===''Fear Of Victory'' [1.24]=== :'''Mr. Lucky''': Lost? You have that bewildered look, but your sort always does. :'''Thug''': ''[grabs him threateningly]'' I ain't lost. I'm lookin' for you! I wanna know how come you always win, Mr. Lucky. :'''Mr. Lucky''': It's quite simple, actually. I fix the games. :'''Thug''': You can't fix ''all'' those sports. Nobody can! :'''Mr. Lucky''': Oh, ye of little brain, allow me to illustrate. ''[hands the thug an envelope laced in fear toxin]'' Here. You can read, can't you? :'''Thug''': ''[reads it]'' "Boo!" Hey, is this some kinda joke? :'''Mr. Lucky''': It's no joke, I assure you. It's the fear of victory, and the agony of... ''[the thug pulls Mr. Lucky out of the shadows, revealing his true identity]'' '''the Scarecrow!''' :''[The thug gasps in fear, now a victim of his toxin]'' :'''Scarecrow''': So now you understand Step One in how I fix an athletic contest. ''[Scarecrow comes closer to the thug, causing him to fall into some stacks of hay]'' I shall proceed to Step Two! ''[chuckles evilly]'' :'''Thug''': No! NO! GET AWAY! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': There's enough powder in that helmet to panic a pachyderm! He should be postering himself, crying for mercy! :'''Batman''': Change of luck, Scarecrow? :'''Scarecrow''': YOU! :'''Batman''': You're aware that gambling is illegal in Gotham? :'''Scarecrow''': I need the money, Batman! You know the cost of chemicals these days. And it will take much more than this to bring every pathetic person in Gotham to their knees, kissing my feet! ''[reveals a vial of his fear chemical and dangles it above the crowd]'' No closer, Batman! Unless you want a stampede of half-crazed humanity crushing and clawing each other! Now... what guarantee do I have you won't follow me? :'''Batman''': You have my word, Scarecrow. Just don't drop the vial. :'''Scarecrow''': Actually, Batman, I'd prefer a little insurance that you'll be otherwise occupied! ''[drops it]'' ===''The Clock King'' [1.25]=== :'''Fugate''': (after judgment has been passed) No! You can't! I'll be ruined! :'''Judge''': Then perhaps this will teach you to be on time for a change. :'''Batman''': What kind of a saboteur uses a six-thousand dollar Metronex to set a time bomb? :'''Alfred''': A saboteur with too much money? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman:''' Hold it! :'''Fugate:''' Well, well. The Batman. It's about time you showed up! I suppose you want to know why I've brought Downtown Gotham to a standstill, Batman. Hm? Well, let's just say it's because I'm a civic minded citizen with a lot of time on his hands. :'''Batman''': I want some answers, wise guy. Talk! :'''Fugate''': A pity. I don't know what to tell you, Batman - except perhaps that the 9:15 is always six minutes early. :''(He falls off the building and lands safely on the roof of an oncoming train as it speeds away)'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mayor Hill is tied to the hands of a huge clock]'' :'''Clock King''': Comfortable, Hill? Well you won't be for long! At 3:15 on the dot, those hands will come together and you'll be crushed like an insect. 3:15, Hill. Does that time hold any meaning for you? :'''Mayor Hill''': I don't know what you're talking about! :'''Clock King''': You told me to take my coffee break at 3:15. :'''Mayor Hill''': What?! :'''Clock King''': You don't remember?! My ''court date!'' :'''Mayor Hill''': ''[finally realizing]'' Oh my Lord! The lawsuit! Fugate! I swear I was only trying to help! :'''Clock King''': Don't hand me that! You did it on purpose! The plaintiffs were represented by your law firm, Mr. Mayor! :'''Mayor Hill''': But I had nothing to do with that case, Fugate! :'''Clock King''': Not that it matters anymore. Now that you have an appointment to keep, at 3:15 precisely—with the '''Grim Reaper!''' ''[begins laughing maniacally]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I'm here to clean your clock, Fugate. :'''Fugate''': Don't count on it, Batman. When it comes to clocks, ''I'' am king. ''En garde''! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Stop this, Fugate! Hill committed no crime against you! :'''Temple Fugate''': He did worse than that! He made me late! :'''Batman''': Fugate! You can't escape! :'''Clock King''': Au contraire, Batman. You of all people should know, there's always a way out! :''(Fugate begins laughing maniacally as a huge clock wheel falls on him, sending him to his apparent death)'' ===''Appointment In Crime Alley'' [1.26]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': Roland Daggett's up to something, Alfred. :'''Alfred''': That almost goes without saying, doesn't it, sir? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Leslie Thompkins''': This used to be a beautiful street. Good people lived here once. :'''Batman''': ''[placing two roses on the ground]'' Good people still live in Crime Alley. ===''Mad As A Hatter'' [1.27]=== :'''Jervis Tetch''': ''[Discussing the subject of Alice to his lab rats.]'' Of course, intellectually I know it's wrong. After all, she has a boyfriend. Better to withdraw like a gentleman- forget her, turn my heart to other pursuits. ''[Brief pause]'' NEVER! After all, I've created a chip strong enough to control a human brain! It would be so easy to make her forget her boorish beau and love ME! But...that would reduce her to a soulless shell. No...not my Alice. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman has cornered Jervis Tetch, who just subdued Alice with her mindcontrol card and is at a dinner table with him]'' :'''Jervis Tetch/Mad Hatter''': I'll cut that cowl off your neck before you'll take her! I've waited my whole lonely life for her! :'''Batman''': Then all you've waited for is a puppet. A soulless little doll. :'''Mad Hatter''': It didn't have to be this way! You made me do this to her! ===''Dreams In Darkness'' [1.28]=== :'''Batman''': "There's always time to heal", the doctor told me, but he was wrong. There was no time left. Not for me, not for him, and not for Gotham City. And as long as I remained trapped in Arkham, there was nothing I could do, except wait for the end and remember the beginning. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarecrow''': An entire city, screaming in fear... I wonder if we'll be able to hear it... ===''Eternal Youth'' [1.29]=== :'''Mrs. Thomas''': You wicked, evil- :'''Poison Ivy''': Evil, Mrs. Thomas? I don't control a company that leveled a thousand-year-old forest for a strip mine! THAT'S evil! ''[sprays a gas which causes Mrs. Thomas to become petrified; steals a pair of earrings]'' You and your kind owe Mother Nature a big debt, and I am here to make sure you pay up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': Right now, the bark is merely exoskeletal. It will take months of additional spraying before the transformations become irreversible. But, of course, I have the patience of a redwood. :'''Batman''': ''[snarling]'' And the convictions of a fanatic! :'''Poison Ivy''': Well, if you're not going to be part of the solution, you're obviously part of the problem. Ladies? :''[Ivy's henchwomen begin to spray Batman with the growth formula]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': This spray is triple-strength, Batman! It will start the transformation without any preliminaries! ''[Nothing seems to happen to Batman as he unties his hands]'' He should be sprouting leaves by now! :'''Batman''': ''[Unties his hands and stands up, blocking the spray with his cape as he advances]'' You made your secret too accessible, Ivy! I coated my outfit with a herbicidal antidote! :'''Poison Ivy''': Keep spraying! ''[Violet and Lily back away, still spraying, but Batman subdues them both]'' ===''Perchance To Dream'' [1.30]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': Make it stop! Bring me back! :'''Mad Hatter''': I'm crushed! You don't like the fantasy world I've created for you? :'''Bruce Wayne''': It's not real! :'''Mad Hatter''': Ah! Are you the dreamer, or merely part of someone's dream? ''[chuckles]'' That was just the question Tweedledee put to Alice in ''Through the Looking''-- :'''Bruce Wayne''': THIS ISN'T SOME SILLY STORYBOOK! :'''Mad Hatter''': Ah, but it is! It's a beautiful story! You have love, wealth, a family, all you ever wanted - your own private Wonderland! :'''Bruce Wayne''': '''''NO!''''' I ''won't'' live a lie! No matter how attractive you make it! :'''Mad Hatter''': It's a moot point, my friend. There's no way out of this! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mad Hatter''': You see? In a moment, the police will be here. Do you want to spend the rest of your dream life in Arkham?! :'''Cop''': Open up, Mr. Wayne! :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[looking down off the ledge]'' You're wrong - there IS a way out! :'''Mad Hatter''': N-N-N-Now wait just a minute! You don't want to do anything foolish! This isn't an ordinary dream! What if you're wrong?! :'''Bruce Wayne''': '''''Then I'll see you in your NIGHTMARES!''' [runs towards the ledge to jump off it]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mad Hatter''': It's impossible! No one's will is strong enough to escape my dream machine! :'''Batman''': ''[snarling with rage] '''Why?''''' Why did you do it?! :'''Mad Hatter''': ''YOU'', of all people, have the ''GALL'' to ask me that?! ''[tearing up]'' YOU RUINED MY LIFE! I was willing to give you whatever life you wanted, JUST TO KEEP YOU OUT OF ''MINE!'' ===''The Cape & Cowl Conspiracy'' [1.31]=== :'''Commissioner Gordon''': Look up "slippery" in the dictionary and you get Josiah Wormwood. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[About the [[w:Bat-Signal|Bat-Signal]]]'' Got a new toy, I see. :'''Gordon''': I figured it might come in handy. ===''[[w:Robin's Reckoning|Robin's Reckoning Part 1]]'' [1.32]=== :''[Robin and Batman are doing a stakeout]'' :'''Robin''': If I knew it was going to take THIS long, I would've brought my homework. You sure about this extortion ring? :'''Batman''': ''[Looking at the construction site through binoculars]'' Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': It's been four hours. :'''Batman''': Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': You still think they'll show? :'''Batman''': Uh-huh. :'''Robin''': Lucky for me, you're such a good conversationalist. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': This isn't a social call. I've come for your nephew, Tony Zucco. :'''Arnold Stromwell''': You can't just barge in here making demands! :'''Batman''': I want him ''bad'', Stromwell - ''REAL'' bad! :'''Arnold Stromwell''': How should ''I'' know where he is? I stopped looking after that loser a long time ago! :'''Batman''': If you protect him, Stromwell, I'll be '''''very... grumpy.''''' [[The Incredible Hulk|You don't want to see me grumpy]]. :'''Arnold Stromwell''': Uh, yeah, I gotcha... ===''[[w:Robin's Reckoning|Robin's Reckoning Part 2]]'' [1.33]=== :'''[[w:Tony Zucco|Tony Zucco]]''': I'm not back in town five minutes - FIVE MINUTES - and he's on my tail. You don't know the Bat. He don't let up! He's the dark angel of death, man, and he wants ME! :'''Mick''': ... Why you, boss? :'''Zucco''': HOW SHOULD I KNOW?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Robin is about to throw Tony Zucco off the pier]'' :'''Tony Zucco''': No, don't! Please... :'''Batman''': Robin! Enough. ''[limps towards him]'' You can't let your emotions get the best of you. :'''Robin''': Stuff your advice, Batman! You and your stone-cold heart! You don't know how I feel. HOW COULD YOU?!? ''[Batman looks at him, and Robin realizes what he said]'' Batman, I didn't mean to... I'm sorry. ''[after he sees the police coming, Robin seemingly readies to throw Zucco off the pier but simply throws him to the ground. The cops arrive and arrest Zucco.]'' You were right, you know, not bringing me along. You knew I'd take it too personally. :'''Batman''': It wasn't that, Robin. It wasn't that at all. Zucco's taken so much, caused you so much pain. I couldn't stand the thought that he might... take you, too. :'''Robin''': ''[putting a hand on Batman's shoulder]'' Come on, partner. It's been a long night. ===''The Laughing Fish'' [1.34]=== :'''Alfred''': ''[seeing Batman with a Joker Fish]'' Dining in tonight, sir? :'''Batman''': ''[sighs]'' The dissection tray, please, Alfred... :'''Alfred''': Any idea what our happy friend is up to now? :'''Batman''': Normal criminals usually have logical motives, but the Joker's insane schemes make sense to him alone. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': Ah-ah-ah-ahem! Look alive, wage slaves. Presenting that caliph of clowns, that mogul of mountebanks, the one and only Joker! :''[The Joker enters, laughing maniacally]'' :'''Francis''': Great Scott! :'''Joker''': Actually, I'm Irish. Good morning, Mister, err, ''[looks at his desk's name plate]'' Francis! Please allow me to introduce my associates. Miss Quinn. :'''Harley Quinn''': ''Enchante''! :'''Joker''': And Messrs, uh... oh, their names escape me for the moment. No matter! We gentlemen of business have arrangements to discuss. :'''Francis''': A... Arrangements? :'''Joker''': ''[drops a Joker Fish onto his desk]'' For my fish, of course! This has all been worked out far in advance, Francis. You are merely the last tiny cog in my grand design! So don't speak to me again, 'kay? Now, what is everyone in town talking about? :'''Francis''': Err... your fish? :'''Joker''': ''[smacks him with the fish]'' I TOLD YOU NOT TO SPEAK! :'''Harley''': ''[sniffs Francis]'' Ooh, fish stink-a-roony! ''[sprays him with a substance from a perfume bottle, making him cough]'' All better! :'''Joker''': As I was saying, since every fish in Gotham now bares my famous and frankly ''fabulous'' face, I should be getting a profit from every fish product sold. ''[one of his thugs pours out a pile of products]'' Let's say a nickel per fish sandwich, fifty cents for sardines - millions of dollars a day to finance my happily hedonistic lifestyle! So which of your tedious copyright forms do I fill out first? You may speak now. :'''Francis''': No one can copyright fish. They're a natural resource. :'''Joker''': But they share my unique face! [[w:Colonel Sanders|Colonel What's-His-Name]] has chickens, and they don't even have moustaches! :'''Francis''': I can't help it, it's the law! :'''Joker''': Oh! Trying to cheat the Joker, are ya?! Well, we'll see who has the last laugh. You have until midnight to change your mind, Francis, or you'll be the poorest fish of all! ''[leaves, laughing madly, with his thugs following]'' :'''Harley''': ''[blows Francis a kiss as she follows]'' Buh-bye! :'''Francis''': He's crazy...! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Francis''': Err, Batman? Why is this happening to me? I've never done anything to this Joker. I'm just a paper-pusher, I can't change the laws. I'm harmless! :'''Batman''': And in his sick mind, that's the joke, Mr. Francis. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Feeling all right? :'''Francis''': ''[scratching himself]'' Oh, sure. It's just that everything's been so crazy today. I haven't even had time to rinse off that gunk the Joker's girl squirted on me... :'''Batman''': ''[to Gordon]'' GET THIS MAN TO A HOSPITAL! ''NOW!'' :'''Francis''': What?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': You're right, Harley. Fish ''are'' disgusting. I think I'll start using my toxin on cattle. Joker Burgers! Ha! Talk about a [[w:McDonald's|Happy Meal!]] <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': ''[after hitting Batman with a big wrench]'' Meanwhile, back at the "wrench"...! Since my sidesplitters don't tickle you, how 'bout a ''skull''-splitter?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After the Joker is seemingly eaten by the shark]'' :'''Harley''': ''[sniffing sadly]'' Oh, my poor, poor puddin'... :'''Bullock''': Come on, he was a demented, abusive, psychotic maniac. :'''Harley''': Yeah... I'm really gonna miss him! ''[sobs into her handkerchief]'' :'''Gordon''': Do you think he's gone for good? :'''Batman''': Believe me, Jim, I wish it were true. But deep inside, I doubt it. ===''Night Of The Ninja'' [1.35]=== :'''[[w:Kyodai Ken|Kyodai Ken]]''': ''[Throwing Bruce]'' Don't be depressed, Wayne-san. You're not bad for a rich man's pampered son. :'''Sensei''': ''[Leaps across room and throws Kyodai]'' There's always someone better, Kyodai. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': His name is Kyodai Ken. He was good. :'''Robin''': Yeah? How good? :'''Batman''': ''[Quickly]'' Good. :'''Robin''': I see. <hr width="80%"/> ===''Cat Scratch Fever'' [1.36]=== :'''Selina Kyle''': Don't tell me you're my very own private probation officer. How often would you like me to check in? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': "Viral Antitoxins". For a plague that doesn't exist, yet, but if the plague is introduced via stray dogs and cats, it will blanket Gotham City within weeks! :'''Roland Daggett''': Days, actually. You know how many strays there are in Gotham, Batman? Three hundred thousand! Imagine if even a tenth of them carried the virus. Not only will this little bottle make me a hero, it'll make me a fortune as well. ===''The Strange Secret Of Bruce Wayne'' [1.37]=== :''[Joker, Two-Face, and Penguin are bidding over Batman's secret identity]'' :'''Two-Face''': $500,000 :'''Penguin''': Poof. Chicken feed. I'll bet a million! :'''Two-Face''': ''TWO'' Million! :'''Strange''': I have two million. Do I hear three? :'''Joker''': Hold it, hold it, HOLD IT! :'''Two-Face''': Get outta my face, clown! :'''Joker''': Which one? :''[An angered Two-Face is about to attack Joker, but Penguin intervenes]'' :'''Penguin''': Gentlemen, it behooves us not to fight amongst ourselves. :'''Joker''': Well put, sardine breath! I think we should ''pool'' our resources on this. $51,240,685! ''[gets out a little coin purse, and pours out some coins]'' And uh, 53 cents. :'''Strange''': Sold! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Strange''': Joker, please! I was set up! Bruce Wayne is Batman! :'''Two-Face''': That's absurd! I know Bruce Wayne. If he's Batman, I'm the King of England! :'''Joker''': And people say I'M crazy! ===''Heart Of Steel Part 1'' [1.38]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': And who's your little friend? :''[Barbara takes a teddy bear out of her purse]'' :'''Barbara Gordon''': Oh, this is Wubby. I've had him forever. Dad won't pick me up at the airport without bringing him along. :'''Commissioner Gordon''': ''[blushing]'' Well... he knows the way better than I do. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': ''[After learning about the AI project]'' Sounds as if the human race could become quite expendable, except for butlers, of course. :'''Batman''': Of course. ===''Heart Of Steel Part 2'' [1.39]=== :'''Randa''': You have immobilized the maker. :'''[[w:HARDAC|HARDAC]]''': His human imperfection endangers the plan. He must be improved upon. <hr width="50%"/> :'''HARDAC''': The maker's concept was sound, but he did not go far enough - which is why I have taken over. ===''If You're So Smart, Why Aren't You Rich?'' [1.40]=== :'''[[w:Riddler|Edward Nygma]]''': ''[Being cheated out of the sales of his game]'' You are a fool, Mockridge, to think you can get away with this! Your amoral greed is no match for an intellect like mine! :'''Mockridge''': Oh, yeah? Then tell me something, Eddie: if you're so smart, why aren't you ''rich?'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman reprograms the Hand of Fate, and uses it to carry himself and Robin to the centre of the maze]'' :'''Riddler''': That is grand-scale CHEATING, Batman! You're not allowed to tamper with the Hand of Fate! :'''Batman''': I don't believe in fate! :'''Riddler''': You probably don't believe in Minotaurs either, but you'll still have to answer the Riddle. :'''Minotaur Robot''': ''I have billions of eyes, yet I live in darkness. I have millions of ears, yet only four lobes. I have no muscles, yet I move two hemispheres. What am I?'' :'''Batman''': ''[pauses in thought]'' That's simple: the human brain. ''[The Minotaur backs away]'' It has billions of optic and auditory nerves, four lobes and two hemispheres, and it's the only thing Edward Nygma respects. :'''Riddler''': A lucky guess, that's all! But it won't save you, Batman! ''[to the Minotaur]'' DESTROY THEM! ===''Joker's Wild'' [1.41]=== :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[as Joker changes the channel in the TV]'' Hey, I was watching that! :'''Joker''': And now you're watching this! :'''Poison Ivy''': Change it back! :'''Joker''': Nope, nope, nope, nope, don't want to. :'''Poison Ivy''': Guard! :'''Security Guard''': What's the problem? :'''Joker''': Don't look now, Sonny Jim, but the plant lady's gone whackers again. :'''Poison Ivy''': He started it! I was just sitting here! :'''Joker''': That's right, you're always blaming me. And the children wonder why we fight! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...the Joker's Wild! :''[Cameron Kaiser cuts the ribbon and unveils a casino with a gigantic Joker head. He is seen spoken to by Summer Gleeson]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': Ugh, that is disgusting! :'''Cameraman''': Psst, Summer! We're on the air! :'''Summer Gleeson''': ''[mortified]'' Oh! Uh... there you have it! Let's get a reaction from the guests. Mr. Wayne? :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[equally nauseated]'' No comment. :'''Summer Gleeson''': Mr. Kaiser, why build a casino seemingly in honor of one of history's most notorious outlaws? :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Summer, please! Wild Joker is a classic symbol, long associated with cards and games. I can't help it if there's a some passing resemblance to some criminal fruitcake. :''[An enraged Joker smashes the television]'' :'''Joker''': How dare that smug, preening fool try to cash in on ''MY'' image! :'''Poison Ivy''': Now who should lighten up? :'''Joker''': Don't get cute with me, Red. He's ripping me off! I'll protest! Yeah! I'll sue! Then I'll rip his lungs out! And I will, too! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': It was a scheme worthy of ''me'', Kaiser, the way you got me riled up and turned me loose on this place! :'''Cameron Kaiser''': You...! You were supposed to destroy the casino! :'''Joker''': Yeah, but then I realized it'd be more fun to get rid of you and run the show myself! :'''Cameron Kaiser''': Bu-But you can't...! :'''Joker''': Oh please, Mr. Kaiser! You of all people should have realized there'd be a Joker in the deck! ''[laughs]'' ===''Tyger Tyger'' [1.42]=== :'''Dorian''': I want to test Tygrus' reflexes and feral strength, and who better to pit him against than you? I'll give you a generous head start before I release Tygrus. If you defeat him, I shall relinquish this, the antigen to reverse Catwoman's mutation. :'''Batman''': How do I know you'll keep your word? :'''Dorian''': You don't. The clock is ticking, Batman. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': So you ''can'' talk. :'''Tygrus''': My father taught me. :'''Batman''': Your father was a test tube. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': Batman! The antidote! I'll be stuck like this forever! :'''Tygrus''': Would that be so bad? You could stay here, with me. :'''Catwoman''': Oh, Tygrus... I can't live like this, I have to be human again. :'''Tygrus''': ''[sadly, taking her hands in his]'' Goodbye, Selina. :''[As he leaves, Catwoman sees that he has given here the serum. She looks overjoyed, then calls out to him]'' :'''Catwoman''': Wait - won't you come with us? There's nothing for you here. :'''Tygrus''': There's nothing for me anywhere. ''[disappears into the falling rain]'' :'''Batman''': ''[in voiceover]'' "[[w:The Tyger|Tyger Tyger burning bright, in the forests of the night: what immortal hand or eye, dare frame thy fearful symmetry?]]" ===''Moon Of The Wolf'' [1.43]=== :'''Professor Milo''': What you're suffering from is an early stage of lycanthropy, more commonly known as werewolfism; for that I have no treatment. However, advanced werewolfism can be cured. :'''Anthony Romulus''': ''[after a wolf howls, Anthony starts transforming]'' Ohhh, you fool! There's no telling what the werewolf might do! :'''Professor Milo''': Hey, ask me if I care. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Do me a favour, shaggy: stay down! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bullock''': No trace of Wolfie! We checked the shoreline for miles! But in four weeks, there's another full moon. Then we'll know for sure. ===''Day Of The Samurai'' [1.44]=== :''[Batman swoops away after rescuing his Sensei's student, Kairi]'' :'''Kairi''': ''[In Japanese]'' Spirit of the bat... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yoru''': If you see Batman, tell him I have great respect for him. :'''Bruce''': Why? He's as much a ninja as Kyodai was. :'''Yoru''': Not so. Batman offered to help his adversary, and a lesser man would have used the secrets of the Onemuri touch against his opponent. Batman is the essence of samurai, Wayne-san. You would do well to remember that. :'''Bruce''': ''[bows]'' Domo arigato, sensei. ===''Terror In The Sky'' [1.45]=== :'''Batman''': Reports of a huge bat creature the size of a man. Remind you of anybody? :'''Alfred''': Present company excluded? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You couldn't leave it alone, could you, March? You've recreated the mutagen. :'''March''': ''[aiming a tranquilizer rifle at him]'' Recreated it? I've ''refined'' it! At night, on my own, so the others wouldn't know. I still believe only a creature like a Man-Bat can survive the next evolutionary cataclysm - and it will! My new serum could be even more powerful than Kirk's! :'''Batman''': ''[after disarming March]'' "''Could'' be"? What do you mean? :'''March''': I needed to test it, but before I had the chance-- :'''Batman''': ''[clearly surprised]'' You mean you ''haven't'' taken it? :'''March''': Of course not! The experimental batch was destroyed. I'll have to-- :'''Batman''': Destroyed? How? :'''March''': I'd been working through the night. I was just completing the final combination. ''[remembers incident at his lab as he drops the beaker of mutagen upon Francine's surprise entry]'' Francine burst in. I was startled. You have to understand I was very tired, I accidentally dropped the beaker. The whole night's work, ruined! Francine never guessed what I was doing, she even helped me clean up the mess. All that... glass! ''[recalls Francine licking her finger after it is pricked by a small shard of glass]'' Oh... oh, my lord... Francine! The mutagen - it's in ''her'' bloodstream now! ''[breaks down at his folly as Batman loads a tranquilizer into a pistol of his and then gives March the formula paperwork]'' :'''Batman''': Is ''that'' what it's going to take? Your daughter's life, before you end this insanity? :''[Later that night, March burns the files]'' ===''Almost Got 'Im'' [1.46]=== :'''Joker''': I want a nice clean game, gentlemen. :'''Penguin''': That'll be a first. So, I hear 'you-know-who' nailed the Mad Hatter last week. :'''Joker''': No kidding. He sure gets around for one guy. :'''Two-Face''': Yeah, well that's where you're wrong. I don't think it IS one guy. :'''[[w:Killer Croc|Killer Croc]]''': Huh? :'''Two-Face''': The way I figure it, Gordon's got a bunch of 'em stashed someplace like a SWAT team. He wants you to think it's one guy, but- :'''Joker''': Meh. You're always seeing double. :'''Penguin''': It's obvious our caped friend suffered some crime-related trauma when he was younger. Perhaps an over-anxious mugger blew off a piece of his face. :'''Joker''': Sure! He could be all gross and disgusting under that mask! ''[as Two-Face crushes a milk carton]'' Uh, no offense, Harv. :'''Two-Face''': Just deal. :'''Killer Croc''': Well, ya know what ''I'' think? :'''Joker''': Not the robot theory again... :'''Killer Croc''': Well, he COULD be. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Two-Face''': Poison Ivy... :'''Poison Ivy''': It's been a long time Harvey. You're still looking...halfway decent. :'''Two-Face''': Half of me wants to strangle ya. :'''Poison Ivy''': And what's the other part want? :'''Two-Face''': To hit you with a truck! :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[to the others]'' We used to date. :'''Penguin/Joker''': Ah. ===''Birds Of A Feather'' [1.47]=== :'''[[w:Penguin (comics)|Penguin]]''': Say, who's there? Two-Face? Croc? Joker, old shoe? :'''Batman''': None of the above, Penguin. :'''Penguin''': Oh no, not you... :'''Batman''': Get used to it. Wherever you go, I'll be right behind you. :'''Penguin''': Precisely where you belong. But you needn't bother. Haven't you heard? I've reformed. Paid my debt to society, and all that. :'''Batman''': We'll see. I just came to tell you to keep your beak clean. :'''Penguin''': ''[grabs a can of rat poison]'' As long as you're here, won't you stay for a cappuccino? :''[Batman gives him an annoyed look before leaving]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Batman defeats a gang of thugs threatening the Penguin and Veronica]'' :'''Batman''': I knew you couldn't stay clean for more than one day. :'''Veronica''': Let him go! He didn't do anything. It was those brutes! :'''Batman''': ''[genuinely surprised]'' He wasn't with them? :'''Penguin''': That's right, you vulgar vigilante! In my day, I associated with a much higher class of riff-raff! :'''Veronica''': I'm so sorry, Ozzie. :'''Penguin''': As long as you weren't bruised, my peach. ''[kisses her hand]'' :'''Batman''': "Peach"? :'''Penguin''': Why don't you be a good masked man and ride off into the night? This time, ''I'll'' clean up after ''you.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Veronica''': Please, Oswald! If it's money you want, I can get you more! :'''Penguin''': ''SHUT UP!'' All I wanted from ''you'', dearie, was a little friendship. That would have cost you ''nothing.'' But now you'll pay! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Veronica''': Oswald? I really was growing fond of you. It's too bad this had to happen. :'''Penguin''': ''[coldly]'' I suppose it's true what they say: society is to blame. ''High'' society. ===''What Is Reality?'' [1.48]=== :'''Batman''': "Where does a 500 pound gorilla sleep?" "What's worse than a millipede with flat feet?" "How do you stuff five elephants into a compact car?" :'''Alfred''': Anywhere it wants, a giraffe with a sore throat, and two in the front seat, two in the back, and one in the trunk. :'''Batman''': Yeah, yeah. I know, I know. Any schoolboy knows those. But brain teasers are the Riddler's M.O. Not corny old jokes like these. :'''Alfred''': Perhaps the questions are the clues, not the answers. For example, they all seem to involve animals. :'''Batman''': Also numbers. A ''500'' pound gorilla. A millipede, meaning a thousand legs. And five elephants. Now let's convert them to Roman numerals. ''[he does, revealing the letters DMV]'' Look! :'''Alfred''': DMV... :'''Batman and Alfred''': Department of Motor Vehicles! :'''Alfred''': But I recall you mentioning he'd already obliterated his records there, so why return? :'''Batman''': For the hard copy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no tales. :'''Batman''': Another riddle, Nygma? :''[Four quarters and a single penny emerge from the return change chute]'' :'''Riddler''': It all makes sense when you add it up! :''[In the Batmobile]'' :'''Alfred''': Four quarters and a penny, sir? :'''Batman''': Penny... Penny... Cent... Red cent... Copper. It's made of copper. :'''Alfred''': And "copper" is another word for a policeman. :'''Batman''': And "no tails" would be heads. Police head... Quarters! :'''Alfred''': Police Headquarters. Bravo, sir! It does make "cents" when you add it up! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': He can't be online! I searched through every file. :'''Riddler''': You searched the software. Had you bothered to examine the hardware you would have discovered a cordless modem line. :'''Riddler''': A pity you can't earn extra lives in this game.Quite an experience being riddled with questions, isn't it, Batman :'''Robin''': Batman don't open that door Crazy Intent means Loco Motion! Batman finds himself on a chessboard: :'''Riddler''':Only Batman can put the King in check and you have to move according to the rules or its the end of the day :'''Robin''':They call you the dark Knight..so you have to move like a knight (If Batman fails to move as a knight it'll be "KNightfall" (!) :'''Riddler''':Careful, vigilante, you know what they say, "Curiosity killed the Bat". :'''Batman''': Can you solve it? :'''Robin''': Are you kidding? You're looking at the guy who solved the Baxter's Box puzzle in 37 seconds! Course, this time I don't have a sledge hammer... After escaping Riddler Virtual realty Traps, Batman tries to rescue Gordon from Riddler :'''Batman''': You may control this world, Nygma, but I still control myself! :'''Riddler''': The name is "Riddler"! Edward Nygma doesn't exist anymore! You may recall that he was once fired by an ungrateful employer! That was a private matter and was meant to remain one! :'''Batman''': Attempted homicide is never a "private matter", Nygma! :'''Riddler''': No, but it would have been if you hadn't interfered and turned Edward Nygma into a fugitive! So I deleted Nygma. Just as I'm about to delete you, Batman. :'''Batman''':Tell me this.. Riddler how can you spread your conscious thirty-two times..and still have the concentration to keep your world together? YOU CAN'T! Batman saves Gordon :'''Riddler''': No....NO..... I can escape that easy...but if the Planet was equitable...I'd still have my old Job....No...wait...I'M ...not Ready.....AHHHHH' :'''Gordon''': But we'll never find him :'''Batman''': I think he left us a clue..."If the planet were equitable, I'd still have my old job". :'''Robin''': Of course. If the "World's Fair," I'd still have my "Ex-position". Oh, give me a break. [Batman, Robin and Gordon find Riddler mind trapped in his virtual realty world] :'''Batman''': Looks like he didn't escape his virtual reality in time. :'''Robin''': You mean he's been trapped inside his own program? :'''Batman''': Could be and how to get him out may be a riddle no one can solve. ===''I Am The Night'' [1.49]=== :'''Batman''': A weary body can be dealt with. But a weary spirit? That's something else. Sometimes, old friend, I wonder if I'm really doing any good out there. :'''Alfred''': How can you doubt it? The lives you've saved, the criminals you've brought to justice-- :'''Batman''': I've put out a few fires, yes. Won a few battles. But the war goes on, Alfred. On and on... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Leslie Thompkins''': You seem quieter than usual tonight. :'''Batman''': Every year, I come here and wonder if it should be the last time. If I should put the past behind me, try to lead a normal life. :'''Dr. Thompkins''': [[George Santayana|Santayana]] says, "Those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it." :'''Batman''': He also said a fanatic is someone who redoubles his efforts while losing sight of his goal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I chose this life. I use the night - I ''became'' the night. Sooner or later, I'll go down. It might be the Joker, or Two-Face, or just some punk who gets lucky. My decision, no regrets. But I can't let anyone else pay for my mistakes. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': "[[Friedrich Nietzsche|When you look too long into the abyss, the abyss looks back through you.]]" Maybe it's time for Batman to return to the night that spawned him, before anyone else gets hurt! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[grabs Wizard]'' Up to your old tricks, I see. How about returning that suitcase to its owner? :'''Wizard''': Hey, man, I ''am'' the owner. :''[Batman, surprised, lets him go]'' :'''Wizard''': Y'know, I was kinda hoping I'd run into you. I'd been in those places like where you left me before. Heard the rap, wasn't impressed. But this time, it made sense. Maybe I was ready to hear it. So I'm heading back home. I guess I kinda owe it to you, Batman. You probably saved my life. I'll bet you hear this all the time. Look, I'm gonna miss my bus, I'll see you around. And... thanks. :''[Batman smiles as he watches Wizard leave]'' ===''Off Balance'' [1.50]=== :'''[[w:Talia al Ghul|Talia]]''': My contact lenses! I lost them when we fell! They counter the distortion effect. Without them, I'm as helpless as you. :'''Batman''': I don't do helpless. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Ra's al Ghul|Ra's al Ghul]]''': So even in defeat, the detective manages to achieve some small measure of victory. As you said, detective: this is not over. ===''The Man Who Killed Batman'' [1.51]=== :'''Joker''': You know, there's just one thing bothering me about your story, Sid. No body. No BATUS DELECTI so to speak. We need to pull a job tonight just to make sure. :'''Murphy, Joker's henchman''': Make sure what, boss? :'''Joker''': ''[surprised by Murphy's question]'' Why that old Batsy's bought the cave of course, and one more thing Murphy.....''[turning more annoyed]'' don't ask stupid questions. ''[pushes Murphy to the hyenas who scratch and lick him crazily, to Joker's satisfaction]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': I'll get the mop. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': When the cops come, stall them for awhile, just until Batman arrives. '' Got it?'' :'''Henchman''': Right, boss. :'''Joker''': ''[to Murphy, still scarred from the hyenas]'' Any questions, Murph? :'''Murphy''': No sir! :'''Joker''': ''[to Sid The Squid]'' Good man. And if Batman hasn't ''really'' gone to his final reward, ''we'll'' see that he gets there! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Dear friends... today is the day the Clown cried. And he cries not for the passing of one man, but for the death of a dream. The dream that he would someday taste the ultimate victory over his hated enemy. For it was the Batman who made me the happy soul I am today. How I agonized over the perfect way to thank him for that. Perhaps with a cyanide pie in the face. Or an exploding whoopie-cushion playfully planted in the Batmobile. But those dreams were dashed by the weaselly little gunsel sitting there in our midst. The cowardly insignificant gonif who probably got lucky when Batman slipped on the slime trail this loser left behind him. This mound of diseased hyena filth who's not fit to lick the dirt from my spats...! But I digress. The time for sorrow has passed. It's time to look to a future filled with smiles. And I'll be smiling again just as soon as we take that man THERE...and slap him in that box THERE...and roll him into that vat of acid THERE! Well that was fun...who's for Chinese?! ===''Mudslide'' [1.52]=== :'''Clayface''': ''[After civilians flee in terror upon seeing his true form]'' That's right, run! Run for your measly lives! Run from Clayface! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Clayface''': You've upstaged me for the last time, Batman. Time to bring down the curtain! ===''Paging The Crime Doctor'' [1.53]=== :'''Rupert Thorne''': You think you iced the Batman, huh? Heh heh heh... Not on your best day, Jake! I'd cover my back if I were you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce Wayne''': Bruce Wayne, Dr. Thorne. Thomas Wayne's son. Did you get my letter? :'''[[w:Joseph Campanella|Matthew Thorne]]''': Yes. Thomas Wayne... :'''Bruce Wayne''': I told you I can help with your legal costs, maybe even put in a good word with the judge. :'''Matthew Thorne''': Yes, but what do you get out of it? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Well, there is something you can do for me. :'''Matthew Thorne''': I knew it! I knew there'd be a catch. Sorry, Mr. Wayne. Matthew Thorne is no longer for sale! :'''Bruce Wayne''': I'm not looking for any illegal favors. :'''Matthew Thorne''': What then? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Something you know. Something only you can give me. ''[pause]'' Tell me about my father. :''[Dr. Thorne grins and camera pans out as he ushers Bruce to resume his seat]'' ===''Zatanna'' [1.54]=== :'''[[w:Zatanna|Zatanna]]''': What do you care about some leggy dame in nylons- or have I just answered my own question? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zatanna''': ''[About Batman's mask]'' What happened that made you put this on? :'''Batman''': A painful memory, and a promise. ===''The Mechanic'' [1.55]=== :'''The Penguin''': ''[furious at his men for stealing the wrong stamps by mistake]'' These are terrible! Terrible! :'''Eagleton''': ''[indignant]'' Come on, boss. Give me a break. We got you the stamps. What more do you want? :'''The Penguin''': ''[tossing the worthless stamps angrily]'' I wanted the rare ones! The reversed Audubons! These aren't worth enough to pay for the repairs to the limousine. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Earl Cooper''': ''[sees the damaged Batmobile]'' You been letting the kid drive again? :'''Robin''': Ha ha. Actually we were playing chicken with a penguin. :'''Batman''': Or three of his men. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Penguin is scrubbing license plates in prison]'' :'''Penguin''': ''[reading one]'' "1 BAT 4U"?! ''[breaks it in anger]'' ===''Harley and Ivy'' [1.56]=== :'''Joker''': NO, we didn't get the diamond! The Dork Knight showed up before we even got to the museum! I had a great shot at him, too. Except... my dear little Harley Quinn handed me the wrong gun! :'''Harley Quinn''': But puddin', it was kinda funny watching you shoot at him with the bang flag! ''[Rocco and Henshaw can't help laughing then stifle it as the Joker glares at them]'' :'''Joker''': ''[turning back to Harley]'' Funny? You presume to tell me what I should think is funny?!? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[Poison Ivy trips the alarm, spoiling and hers and Harley Quinn's separate robberies]'' Nice going, butterfingers! Why not turn on the Bat-Signal while you're at it? :'''Poison Ivy''': I wasn't TRYING to get caught! :'''Harley Quinn''': Could've fooled me! Hey, aren't you that plant lady Poison Oakie? :'''Poison Ivy''': Ivy! Poison IVY, not Oakie! :'''Harley Quinn''': Sorry! Harley Quinn, please to meet ya! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Poison Ivy is about to give an injection to Harley Quinn]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': I hate shots! I hate shots! :'''Poison Ivy''': Now, now. You're not immune to poison like I am, and you won't last ten minutes here in Toxic Acres without my antidote. ''[gives the injection]'' :'''Harley Quinn''': Oooh! Whew, you'd think after livin' with Mr. J, I'd be used to a little pain. :'''Poison Ivy''': Why do you put up with that clown? :'''Harley Quinn''': Don't get me wrong. My puddin's a little rough sometimes, but he loves me, really. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[sarcastically]'' Sure he does. You're just one big, forgiving doormat, aren't you? :'''Harley Quinn''': I am NOT a doormat! ...Am I? :'''Poison Ivy''': If you had a middle name, it would be Welcome. But cheer up, kid. You just need some lessons in good old female self-esteem. In other words, let's play with the boys on ''our'' terms. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Poison Ivy''': That should keep you big strong men busy while we weak little girls loot your trophy room. :'''Harley Quinn''': Gee, Ives, you got style! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[sighs softly]'' No offense, Ives, but I'm not very hungry. Somehow I don't feel like my old perky self. Something's missing. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[angrily slams her form on Harley's plate]'' Will you stop?! I can't believe you're still mooning over that psychotic creep! :'''Harley Quinn''': Well, maybe I'd feel better if I knew he missed me, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': HARLEY!!! This place is going to blinking blue blazes! Anybody seen my socks?! '''HARLEY!!!''' ''[the hyenas snarl at Joker]'' OH!! They snapped at me! What's going on, Rock? This place is a mess, no one's fed the hyenas and I can't find my socks! Where's Harley?! :'''Rocko''': Y-y-ya canned her, boss. Remember? :'''Joker''': So? She's always come back before. :'''Rocko''': Gee... I guess ya ain't seen the papers then. :'''Joker''': Papers?! What are you babbling about?! ''[snatches the newspaper from Rocko and reads an article of Harley's partnership with Poison Ivy]'' '''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!''''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': ''[to Poison Ivy]'' I remember when I would go driving like this with Mr. J. :'''Poison Ivy''': ''[imitating Harley Quinn]'' "Mr. J, Mr. J." Oh, change the record, Harl! You wanna be some wacko's victim the rest of your life?! ===''Shadow Of The Bat Part 1'' [1.57]=== :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[indignant after reading about James Gordon's arrest]'' We'll see about this. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara Gordon]]''': So Batman can't help me? Fine. Let's see what Batgirl can do! ===''Shadow Of The Bat Part 2'' [1.58]=== :'''Two-Face''': Don't get wise with me, Mason. Remember who got you set up as Gordon's assistant? :'''Gil Mason''': Right, Harvey, right. :'''Two-Face''': ''[grabs him]'' Don't call me that! It's TWO-FACE to you, pretty boy! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I should've known it would be Two-Face. It's a perfect two-part plan. He consolidates the gangs while Mason takes over the police. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Gil Mason is about to murder James Gordon to become commissioner, and later mayor]'' :'''Gil Mason''': It's business, Jim. Nothing personal. Matter of fact, I respect you, I do. But a fellow has to take his opportunities where he finds them. And with you out of the way, I'll be mayor inside of a year! :'''Gordon''': You're SICK, Gil! ''[glances at Two-Face]'' A lot sicker than him! At least I can see his bad half! :'''Mason''': Sorry you feel that way. At least you won't have to worry about Barbara. I'll take good care of her. She's very fond of me, you know. :'''Gordon''': You piece of scum! I may not be able to stop you, but I know someone who will! :'''Mason''': I wouldn't get your hopes up. You see, there's been a recent decline in the bat population... ===''Blind As A Bat'' [1.59]=== :'''Penguin''': Your aim appears to be a little off today, Batman. I don't think you could hit the broad side of a barn, let alone the broad side of this bird! You're blind as a bat. Sightless and helpless. :'''Batman''': You've got ''one'' right. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': You have a call on your private line. :'''Bruce''': Then let's go! :'''Alfred''': In your condition, sir? :'''Bruce''': If you think a little inconvenience like this is going to stop me... :''[he knocks over a lamp]'' :'''Alfred''': Indeed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Penguin''': ''[contacting Mayor Hill's office from the Raven]'' Quite a machine, this Raven. Amazing what its communications equipment can do. Don't you agree? You've received my instructions? :'''Mayor Hill''': They arrived by messenger this morning. You know, one-hundred million is a a lot of money. It'll take time to raise that much. :'''Penguin''': You're stalling, Hill. Obviously, you're not taking me seriously. I've warned you not to make that mistake. Apparently, I'll have to show you why. :''[shuts off communication and Hill angrily snaps his pencil in half]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Hill''': Just what I was afraid of. According to the controller's office, we can't come close to putting that ransom together. Not without shutting down basic municipal services. :'''Detective Bullock''': So what other options do we got? :'''Batman''': ''[emerging from the shadows]'' None, gentlemen. Which is why you're going to do exactly what the Penguin wants you to. ===''The Demon's Quest Part 1'' [1.60]=== :'''Ra's al Ghul''': As [[W:Napoleon|Napoleon]] told me, "A strong will can fuel a frail physique." <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Look at it, detective. One of the last of the rainforests. The world depends upon its oxygen, yet the rich see only profit in its destruction. You, who belong to the overclass, have much to answer for. :'''Batman''': Bruce Wayne donates millions of dollars a year to preserve these forests. :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Which are being depleted at the rate of 120,000 acres a day. Does your money solve this problem? No! It will take more than wealth. It will take power, and I fear, ruthlessness. Humankind must be forced to serve the planet instead of its own appetites. :'''Batman''': And you're the one who'll do the forcing? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': I am... qualified, yes. But I may not have sufficient lifetimes left to me. ===''The Demon's Quest Part 2'' [1.61]=== :'''Ubu''': Infidel! :'''Batman''': If you only knew how sick I am of you calling me that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ra's al Ghul''': The material of the Pit is an unknown chemical stew that bubbles to the Earth's surface only in certain key places. Even now, my people are placing bombs, such as that one, over the various Lazarus Pits around the world. These bombs are electronically linked to a private satellite already in Earth orbit. :'''Batman''': ''Orpheus''. :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Precisely. And at the moment when sun and moon are in proper alignment to cause the greatest upheaval in Earth's geomagnetic field, I shall send a signal to that satellite, beginning a countdown. Five minutes thereafter, one bomb will be lowered deep into the heart of each Pit. The satellite will in turn relay a microwave signal that will detonate all the bombs simultaneously. The multiple explosions will result in a global chain reaction. All the Lazarus Pits throughout the world will overflow. The globe will be saturated with their chemical solution, and when the resultant cataclysm has abated, there will come a blessed peace, and this poor, defiled planet shall find itself restored to its former pristine glory. :'''Batman''': But that will cost countless lives! :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Actually, Detective, we ''have'' counted: Two billion, fifty-six million, nine hundred and eighty-six thousand! A most impressive plan, would you not agree? :'''Batman''': Yes... I can see it clearly now for the first time. You are completely out of your mind. ===''His Silicon Soul'' [1.62]=== :'''Rossum''': You don't understand. You're not a man's mind in a robot's body. You're a robot. Period. :'''Bat-Duplicant''': You're lying! It's not possible! I know my family and friends! I remember names, faces, birthdays! I have memories! A past! :'''Rossum''': You have information. Data. Nothing more. Do you remember your first kiss? Your favorite song? The last time you tasted a really good steak? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[about the duplicant]'' Could it be it had a soul, Alfred? A soul of silicon, but a soul nonetheless. ===''Fire From Olympus'' [1.63]=== :'''Stavros''': Please! It's not what you think. I wasn't going to say anything. Honest! :'''[[w:Maxie Zeus|Maximillion "Maxie" Zeus]]''': Silence! First, you transgress against me. Then, you force me to descend to the mortal plane. And now, you tell me I know not what I think?! :'''Stavros''': No! :'''Zeus''': To the depths of Tartarus with you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zeus''': You bore me with these tales of petty human concerns. :'''Clio''': ''[annoyed]'' You're doing it again, Max. :'''Zeus''': You are Clio, my muse of history. Amuse me with tales of ancient times when mortals trembled at the name of Zeus. :'''Clio''': You want a story? I got one. Seems there was this guy named Max who, because he'd been lucky so far in the smuggling racket, believed himself to be untouchable, superior, godlike... :'''Zeus''': There's a cynical edge to your voice I don't appreciate. Know you not, I am above mortal constraints of right and wrong? :'''Clio''': No one is above the law, Max. :'''Zeus''': I make my own laws! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zeus''': Begone, Lord [[w:Hades|Hades]]. Get thee back to thine own realm. Do not come again to Olympus until bidden! :'''Batman''': I think I get the message. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Clio''': ''[telling Batman about Zeus]'' He wasn't always this way, you know. But then business got bad and he started handling cargo for the mob. After a while, with the pressure, the tension... things got confused. He's not living in the real world anymore. ''[awkwardly]'' Maybe you can relate to that? :'''Batman''': ''[after a short silence]'' You're the only one who can get me close enough to help him - while some of the man you knew still exists. ===''Read My Lips'' [1.64]=== :'''Batman''': How do you think I found this place? The phone book? I had help. ''Inside'' help. :'''[[w:Ventriloquist (comics)|Scarface]]''': My premonition! I knew I was right! Which one of you louses is it?! :'''Rhino''': It ain't me boss! :'''Scarface''': I know it ain't you, Rhino! You're too stupid to be a traitor! :'''Rhino''': Thanks, boss. :'''Scarface''': But whoever it is, they're gonna pay big time! Who is it?! You don't talk, you get the ultimate massage! :'''Batman''': And if I tell? :'''Scarface''': Maybe you just get run over by a truck. :'''Batman''': Tempting, but no. :'''Scarface''': Have it your way. Rhino! :''[Rhino gets ready to pull the lever to lower Batman to a pit of mannequins with razor-sharp fingernails]'' :'''Batman''': Hold it! :'''Scarface''': This is gettin' old, Bats. Last chance, who's the traitor? :'''Batman''': Him! The Ventriloquist! :''[everyone glares at the Ventriloquist]'' :'''Ventriloquist''': No, no! He's lying! I told you when he came into my room! :'''Scarface''': So what? Maybe you did 'cause I had ya cornered. Heard ya talkin' to Batman. :'''Batman''': ''[uses his own ventriloquism to imitate the Ventriloquist]'' Shut up, you blockhead! :'''Scarface''': WHAT DID YOU SAY?! :'''Ventriloquist''': It wasn't me! I didn't say that! My lips didn't move! :'''Scarface''': So what?! You're a ventriloquist! You're also a lyin' yellow liver-bellied two-face! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, Scarface! I'm loyal! I'd never! :'''Batman''': He's been feeding me information, in return for legal protection. ''[imitates the Ventriloquist again]'' You're going up the river, sawdust-for-brains! :'''Scarface''': Why, I oughta...! Waste the floor-flusher! Come on, I gave an order! ICE HIM! DO IT! DO IT NOW! :'''Muggsy''': But, boss, we ventilate the Ventriloquist, your, y'know... :'''Scarface''': I'M SURROUNDED BY TRAITORS! Okay, fine. Ya want something done right, do it yourself! ''[aims his gun at the Ventriloquist]'' ===''The Worry Men'' [1.65]=== :'''Veronica''': If ever someone led a worry-free life, it's you, Bruce Wayne. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce''': Tell me, Alfred: what's an ancient Mayan witch doctor doing on a Gotham skyscraper? :'''Alfred''': This isn't one of those Riddler questions, is it? :'''Bruce''': No, but it's just as confusing. <hr width="50%"/> :''[As Batman attempts to escape from his guillotine]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Oh, you're a clever one! But I will not be denied! As the great [[w:Lewis Carroll|Lewis Carroll]] said: "[[w:Jabberwocky|One, two, one, two, and through and through the vorpal blade went snicker-snack! He left it dead, and with its head, he went galumphing back!]]" <hr width="50%"/> :''[Freed from his mind control, the Mad Hatter's jaguar gang turn on him]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Stop! :'''Shaman''': Yes, stop. Leave him to the police. :'''Mad Hatter''': Thank you. Thank you, you generous, forgiving, ''[draws a gun from his hat]'' noble fool! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': I must say, after all the Hatter put him through, that fellow showed remarkable restraint. :'''Bruce''': When everything was said and done, all the shaman really wanted was to go home. In fact, I hear he even sent the Hatter a farewell gift. :''[The Hatter is seen tossing and turning in bed in Arkham]'' :'''Bruce''': Something to ensure that Jervis Tetch only dreams of a good honest life from now on. :''[A Batman doll is revealed from under the Hatter's pillow]'' ==Season 2== ===''Sideshow'' [2.1]=== :'''Killer Croc''': You know, there's something the brains back at the joint didn't think about. :'''Prison Guard''': Yeah, what's that? :'''Killer Croc''': Crocodile's got the strongest jaws of any animal around. ''[bites his handcuffs in half]'' :'''Prison Guard''': ''[spits the coffee out of his mouth and pins Croc with the shotgun]'' Get back! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman arrives with his shadow. Goliath wakes up and Batman covers Goliath's mouth by calming him down]'' :'''Batman''': Calm down, I won't hurt you. I'm just looking for someone: half man, half crocodile. ''[Goliath looks over worriedly]'' He's in there, isn't he? :'''Goliath''': ''[Pushes Batman to the cage]'' No! Stay away! ''[Holds him against it]'' He's one of us. Croc, run! :'''Batman''': ''[Kicks Goliath into the stomach]'' I don't wanna hurt you. :'''Goliath''': Don't worry, you won't. ''[Hits Batman with the big punch and Batman and Goliath starts fighting]'' :'''Killer Croc''': ''[Comes out of the house]'' You. ''[Gives Batman a spear]'' :'''Billy''': Richard, help! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Billy the Seal Boy''': Why, Croc? Why'd you turn on us like that? We could have helped you, we could have done something. :'''Killer Croc''': You said you can be yourself out here, remember? Well, I guess that's what I was doing - being myself. ===''A Bullet For Bullock'' [2.2]=== :'''Bullock''': Let's get something straight from the get-go. I think you're a freak and a menace, and those are your ''good'' points. But the commish says you serve a purpose, so I go along. :'''Batman''': I appreciate your honesty. What's the problem? :'''Bullock''': Somebody's got it in for me. Tried to give me a fender massage last night. It ain't the first time. Last week too. :'''Batman''': Any suspects? :'''Bullock''': So many, they could have their own zip code. I've put a lot of guys away, and they hate me for it. Looks like one of them hates me enough to do something about it. :'''Batman''': Why me? Why not just go to the department? :'''Bullock''': I step on a lot of toes. I don't want Internal Affairs looking at me too close. They might find some things I don't want found. :'''Batman''': Are you on the take? :'''Bullock''': Watch it, freak! I never took a dime from nobody! I just bend the rules a little sometimes, you understand. We're not all that different. :'''Batman''': We're on the same side, but we're ''not'' the same. I'll help you find out who's after you, but you've got to collar them clean. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred''': We ''are'' speaking of the same person, are we not? Harvey Bullock? The detective who looks like an unmade bed? :'''Batman''': The same. :'''Alfred''': He came to ''you'' for help? It must be serious. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Montoya''': Bullock? You okay? You don't look so good. I mean, you never look good, but today you look worse. :'''Bullock''': After fifteen years working in this cesspool, I'd like to see how good ''you'' look! <hr width="50%"/> :''[In the Batmobile]'' :'''Bullock''': Nice starship you got here. What's this for? ''[points towards a button]'' :'''Batman''': Passenger ejector seat. :''[Bullock withdraws nervously, while Batman smirks slightly]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bullock''': By the way, I still think you're a freak, but... thanks. ===''Trial'' [2.3]=== :'''Two-Face''': Basic fifty-fifty option. You get him off, you both go free. He goes down, you take the fall with him. :'''Mad Hatter''': Amusing idea, what? Kidnapping you to be Batman's attorney? :'''Two-Face''': Personally, I suggested a quick slug between the eyes... but I lost the coin toss. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarface''': Court is now in session! The Good People of Arkham Asylum vs. the Self-Righteous Vigilante Called Batman! Our prosecutor is ready, likewise our fair and impartial jury. :'''Mad Hatter''': Hang him! :'''Harley''': Shoot him! :'''Killer Croc''': Hit him with a rock! :'''Scarface''': And now, all rise for the most honorable, most benevolent, most merciful Judge Joker! :'''Joker''': GUILTY! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I was promised a chance to defend my client! :'''Joker''': Oh, very well. Like it'll make a difference. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I suppose that you, like your friends, claim that Batman ''drove'' you to be a criminal? :'''Mad Hatter''': He did. :'''Janet Van Dorn''': And yet, as I recall in your case, you brainwashed and kidnapped a woman who rejected you. :'''Mad Hatter''': Batman forced me to do it! He was going to take her away from me! I had no choice! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': You could have respected her wishes and left her alone. :'''Mad Hatter''': I'D HAVE KILLED HER FIRST! ''[gasps and covers his mouth, then turns to the Joker]'' I'd like that last statement stricken from the record, please. :'''Joker''': Record? Is someone supposed to be writing this down? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': And so it's Batman's fault you lead a life of crime? :'''Poison Ivy''': He should have let me bump off Harvey Dent. We'd all have been better off - wouldn't we, Harv? :'''Two-Face''': ''[muttering while flipping his coin]'' Why, you rotten little... :'''Janet Van Dorn''': But Miss Isley, isn't the real motivation for your crimes your obsession with plants? That you prefer them to people? :'''Poison Ivy''': I love plants, honey, but a rose is a rose. :'''Janet Van Dorn''': Then it doesn't bother you when someone, let's say the judge here, ''[plucks the flower from the Joker's robe]'' ruthlessly ''plucks'' a defenceless flower from the warm green earth? :'''Poison Ivy''': No! :'''Janet Van Dorn''': Even knowing he's given it his death sentence? That its petals must die? ''[starts pulling its petals out]'' :'''Poison Ivy''': Stop it...! :'''Poison Ivy''': One by one, withering, falling. One by one till it's all gone, ''honey.'' :''[She crushes the flower so that it crumbles apart. Ivy shrieks with rage and attacks her, and the Scarecrow and Mad Hatter rush in to restrain her]'' :'''Mad Hatter''': Miss Ivy, please! :'''Scarface''': You look beautiful when you're angry. :''[Ivy smacks the Ventriloquist in the face, and Scarface laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I used to believe Batman was responsible for you people. But now I see nearly everyone here would have ended up exactly the same, Batman or not. Oh, the gimmicks might be different, but you'd all be out there in some form or another bringing misery to Gotham. The truth is, ''you'' created ''him.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Well done, counsellor. You've proven that Batman ''didn't'' create us - that we, in fact, messed up our own rotten lives! And as we are so rotten, vile and depraved... we're going to waste you anyway! :''[The inmates cheer and close in on Batman and Janet]'' :'''Joker''': [[w:Porky Pig|A-bi-a-bi-a-bi, that's all, folks!]] ''[bangs down a rubber chicken]'' Let's mambo! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Janet Van Dorn''': I see now there's a need for the things you do. But I'm still going to work towards a city that doesn't need Batman. :'''Batman''': ''[smiling]'' Me too. ===''Avatar'' [2.4]=== :'''Lucius Fox''': Without a doubt, this will be one of the best museum exhibitions Gotham City has ever seen. You can be quite the humanitarian on occasion, Bruce. It's commendable. It's inspiring. :'''Bruce''': It's deductible. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce''': You've got a serious priority problem, Ra's. What can be in that tomb that's more valuable than the love of your daughter? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Power, detective. The power once held by almighty Thoth-Khepera, Queen of Two Continents. :'''Bruce''': You surprise me, Ra's. The world's oldest chauvinist chasing after a woman? :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Thoth-Khepera was not simply a woman, detective, nor merely a ruler. Through her flowed the power of the gods. With no more than a gesture, she controlled the force of life and death, and with it, she kept a nation under her thumb for one thousand years. :'''Bruce''': You sound like a bad Saturday afternoon serial, Ra's. This is sheer nonsense. :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': No, detective - I know there is a power there to be tapped! My six hundred years of life are proof of that power. :''[Bruce and Talia are trapped in a glass booth]'' :'''Ra's Al Ghul''': Farewell, detective. Farewell, Talia. It is said that one finds one's immortality in one's offspring. Alas, I know that to be a lie. ===''House and Garden'' [2.5]=== :'''Batman''': She's done nothing more incriminating than return an overdue video - even paid the late fee. :'''Alfred''': Could it be Ivy truly has reformed? :'''Batman''': I want to believe it. Why can't I? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You haven't changed a bit. :'''Poison Ivy''': Yes, I have. I meant it when I said I wanted a family that loves me. I just wanted it on my terms. :'''Robin''': Lady, you're nuts! :'''Poison Ivy''': Well, that's ''your'' opinion. Probably the last one you'll ever have, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': I'm just sorry she got away. :'''Batman''': Me too, Robin. But I don't think we'll see her again anytime soon. :''[The real Ivy is shown escaping on a plane out of Gotham, looking through a scrapbook]'' :'''Batman''': Ivy lost everything she had, everything she said she ever wanted. For what it's worth, I believed her when she told me that for the first time in her life... she was happy. :''[Ivy sheds tears as she looks at a photo of her wedding]'' ===''The Terrible Trio'' [2.6]=== :'''Warren''': Is this all you do for kicks, Bruce? Charity work? :'''Bruce''': Well, I do have a night life. Pull! ''[shoots down a clay pigeon]'' Besides, it's important to help others. It may sound corny, but hey, it's how I feel. :'''Warren''': You must recognize that you are a superior animal, Bruce. A member of the elite. Pull! ''[shoots down another clay pigeon]'' Take my Delta brothers and me. Why, we've run with the bulls! :'''Armand''': Shot game from hot air balloons! :'''Gunther''': Killed a great white! :'''Warren''': We've done it all. Ah, therein lies the problem. After all, what do the rajas do when there are no more tigers to hunt? :'''Bruce''': I'm sure you'll think of something, Warren. ''[leaves]'' :'''Warren''': Dollar for dollar, that has to be the dullest man in Gotham City. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Scoundrels like these are worse than the Joker. At least he's got madness as an excuse! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Let's go, Fox. You've raided your last chicken coop. :'''Warren''': Wait, wait a minute! We can make a deal! A million dollars to let me go! ''Ten'' million! Think about it. Buys a lot of Batarangs! :'''Batman''': ''[unimpressed]'' Your money's no good here. :'''Warren''': Okay, fine! Go ahead, take me in, hero! I've got every judge in town in my pocket! You'll see! I'll get justice! The best that money can buy! :''[Next, Warren is seen being ushered into a cell at Stonegate, where his burly new cellmate gives him a menacing look]'' ===''Harlequinade'' [2.7]=== :'''Harley''': ''[in handcuffs]'' I sense a lack of trust. :'''Robin''': Are you sure you don't need help keeping Zippy under control? :''[Harley picks the lock on her cuffs while Batman speaks]'' :'''Batman''': I'm fine. Besides, I need you to be ready if Gordon's men get any leads. I'll signal if there's trouble. :'''Robin''': You got it. :'''Harley''': I wanna listen to the radio! ''[reaches for the controls]'' :'''Batman''': DON'T--! :''[Harley Quinn deploys a parachute, causing the Batmobile to swerve wildly. When the Batmobile stops, Batman is furious]'' :'''Harley''': ''[timidly]'' Oops... :'''Batman''': Listen, and listen good. You don't touch anything, say anything, or DO ANYTHING UNLESS I TELL YOU! GOT IT?! :'''Harley''': Yes, sir. :'''Batman''': ''[turns away, Harley begins making faces at him]'' So far, Joker hasn't been seen in any of his old hideouts. I want you to show me the last place he used when he escaped. ''[catches her making a face, which she replaces with a sheepish grin]'' :'''Harley''': Okay! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joker''': Instead of taking you, the cops, and the Batman down separately? I'm gonna blast you all at once! ''[takes out his phone and speaks into it]'' Send down the plane, boys! We're blowing town! Literally. ''[gets off the phone]'' :'''Mayor''': But all those innocent people... :'''Joker''': Some joke on them, eh? Think of it as the ultimate punchline! Ha ha ha ha ha! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': It's lucky you were here, Quinn. The countdown sequence didn't leave Joker enough time to swing by Arkham and pick you up. :'''Joker''': Quiet, brat. :'''Harley''': You ''were'' gonna come for me, weren't you, Puddin'? :'''Joker''': Of course, pumpkin-pie! It's just that... well, here you are, so I can, err, save myself the trip! :'''Harley''': But what about all our friends, Ivy and Two-Face and... Hat-Guy and Lizard-Man and Puppet-Head and-- ''[Joker shoves her into the plane]'' :'''Joker''': What about them? :'''Batman''': Don't forget your little pets! :'''Harley''': ''[gasps]'' The babies! We can't leave the babies! :'''Joker''': ''[shoves Harley into the plane again]'' I'll buy you a goldfish! Let's go! :'''Harley''': ''[struggling]'' NO! :'''Joker''': Why, you little...! :''[Harley kicks him in the face]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley''': ''[points the gun against Joker]'' Freeze, clown! :'''Batman''': Quinn, stop! :'''Harley''': He's mine, Bats! :'''Joker''': ''[grinning]'' You wouldn't dare. You don't have the guts! Not in a million years would you-- :''[Harley pulls the trigger - and a flag that reads "Rat-Tat-Tat" comes out of the barrel. The Joker stares at her for a moment, and throws his arms wide to embrace her]'' :'''Joker''': Baby, you're the greatest! ===''Time Out Of Joint'' [2.8]=== :'''Mayor Hill''': You! How did you get past-- :'''The Clock King''': Good evening, Mayor! Nice to see you again too. And whose life are you ruining now? A poor pensioner? A malnourished orphan, perhaps? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Hill''': Please, Fugate, don't hurt me! :'''The Clock King''': If it's any comfort, my revenge will encompass more than just you. I intend to pass a most timely sentence on the entire judicial system. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': It's a shame that you've decided to keep this device a secret. :'''Dr. Wataki''': It would seem that the world is not quite ready for it yet. :'''Robin''': Gee, that's too bad for Fugate. I'm sure he'll wish he had something to make the days pass quicker where he's going. ===''Catwalk'' [2.9]=== :'''Scarface''': Calm down, pussycat. We're all friends here. ''[to the Ventriloquist]'' Dummy, don't keep our pretty guest in the dark. :'''Ventriloquist''': Yes, sir, Mr. Scarface. ''[turns on the lot, revealing him and Scarface]'' :'''Scarface''': Ah, that's better. :'''Selina Kyle''': ''[gasps]'' You gotta be kidding! ''[laughs]'' :'''Scarface''': What's she laughin' at? My fly ain't open, is it?! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, sir. :'''Scarface''': So what's the gag? :'''Selina Kyle''': Oh come on, you know! ''[in a goofy voice]'' "What's the gag?" :'''Scarface''': ''[aims his gun at Selina]'' Can it, sister! This is Scarface you're dealing with, and I don't stand for no disrespect. :'''Ventriloquist''': I'd do as he says, ma'am. Mr. Scarface can be quite insistent. :'''Scarface''': I don't think anyone's talking to you! :'''Ventriloquist''': No, sir. No, sir. :'''Selina Kyle''': Right... so, what do you want with me? :'''Scarface''': My boys happened to be in the museum when they saw your little set-to with Miss Ronnie V. They also seen you licking your whiskers at the sight of Ronnie's pretty sparklers. :'''Selina Kyle''': You're boring me, log. :''[the Ventrloquist pulls out an envelope from his coat]'' :'''Scarface''': So what if I could provide you with a foolproof plan to snatchin' those rocks with no risk of you gettin' caught? :'''Selina Kyle''': Pass. Kitty's been staying it at night. It's not the greatest, but it beats the pound, if you know what I mean. :'''Scarface''': Now, that's a darn shame. And I thought for sure you'd want a chance to get even with the Vreelands. Not just for yourself, ya understand, but for all those poor little stuffed critters what never had the chance to fight back. :'''Selina Kyle''': Oh, barf. :'''Scarface''': It's a 50/50 cut. Take it or leave it? You in or what? :''[Selina thinks about it for a while then picks up the envelope]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': What a pleasant surprise. Though I should warn you - breaking and entering is against the law. :'''Batman''': You would know. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Scarface''': [[w:Tweety|I thawt I thaw a putty tat!]] <hr width="50%"/> :''[Catwoman crushes Scarface under some logs]'' :'''Catwoman''': That's one way to remove a splinter. What's wrong, Ventriloquist? Cat got your tongue? :'''Ventriloquist''': Please, I never hurt you! Scarface, he's another person, not me, really! :'''Catwoman''': But he's inside you somewhere. And I'm going to keep scratching until I find him. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Catwoman''': [[w:Just So Stories|I am the cat who walks by herself.]] ===''Bane'' [2.10]=== :'''Thorne''': You almost didn't get paid. You're lucky these diamonds didn't get nabbed in the smuggling bust. :'''[[w:Bane (comics)|Bane]]''': No, Mr. Thorne. You are the lucky one. ''[He punches the punching bag across the room]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': He wrecked my car, Alfred. Between two guys, that's ''real'' personal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bane''': Toys. You try to fight me with pathetic little TOYS. You've got nothing! Beg for mercy! SCREAM MY NAME! :'''Batman''': Never. :'''Bane''': You are beaten! Now I will break you! ===''Baby-Doll'' [2.11]=== :'''Robin''': ''[on "Love That Baby"]'' I remember this show from when I was a kid. It still stinks. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At Wayne Manor, Summer Gleeson is on the telephone talking to Marv Wolfman at her office.]'' :'''Summer Gleeson''': I don't care what Mayor Hill says. The people have a right to know, and if he won't talk to us-- ''[Batman drops a photo of Baby-Doll onto her desk]'' I'll call you back, Marv. ''[to Batman and Robin]'' Since when are you interested in has-been actors? :'''Batman''': Since that one's been kidnapping her co-stars. :'''Summer Gleeson''': You're serious? :'''Robin''': She's been picking them off, one by one. Any reason she'd have a grudge? :'''Summer Gleeson''': Actually, ''they'' should hate ''her.'' Dahl put them all out of work when she quit the series to become a "dramatic" actress. :''[Summer plays a video of Mary Dahl playing Lady Macbeth]'' :'''Mary Dahl''': What, will these hands never be clean? Here's the smell of the blood still. All the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand. :'''Robin''': Pee-yew! :'''Summer Gleeson''': That's what the critics said. Baby's dramatic career flopped, and when she tried to start her TV show again, the networks turned her down. :'''Batman''': That still doesn't explain why she's after her old cast. :'''Robin''': ''[picks up a cassette]'' Maybe there's a clue in these old episodes. :'''Summer Gleeson''': You can borrow them if you want. And when you crack the case, you can pay me back with an exclusive... ''[turns to see that they have gone]'' interview. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': Naughty, naughty, Daddys! Mustn't yell at your Baby like thats. :'''Tod Baker''': You're not my daughter, and we're not a family! We're actors, remember?! You cancelled our show because you whined you weren't getting enough attention! :'''Baby-Doll''': ''[putting on a sad face]'' But I knows now I made a boo-boo! ''[sniffles and breaks character]'' It was hard for me out there. I studied and trained and auditioned, but no one wanted me. ''[plays the sound of a crowd going "Aww..." on her tape recorder]'' Over the years, I remembered how happy I was with all of you around me, and the folks at home watching me each week. Me, ''[goes back into her "cute" voice]'' Baby-Doll! ''[giggles]'' Now I'm Baby for good, and everyone will love me agains! Hugs, hugs! :''[Her goons force the actors to share a hug with her, and she plays the "Aww..." again]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': ''[watching episodes of Baby Doll's old TV show]'' Remember that time Poison Ivy nearly smothered us in those vines, with the ''really'' sharp thorns? :'''Batman''': Yes. :'''Robin''': This is worse. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': ''[after her TV brother is rendered unconscious by her bodyguard]'' Sorry I had to play roughs, Tippy. I didn't mean to. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Robin''': ''[Mariam kicks Robin around]'' Wow, lady! You're good! :'''Mariam''': It's a living... <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman pursues Baby-Doll in a funhouse tunnel maze]'' :'''Baby-Doll''': Silly Mr. Batman can't catch me! :'''Batman''': Don't run away! I know you're scared, confused - I can help you! :'''Baby-Doll''': Liar, liar, cape on fire! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Baby-Doll''': Game's over, Mr. Batman! ''[laughs]'' I WIN! ''[Batman fires his grappling gun, knocking the doll-gun down a slide]'' No fair! ''[runs to retrieve it, and stumbles into a room full of fun-house mirrors. Picks up the gun, wandering through the various distorted reflections, until she comes to one that shows her as an adult]'' Look! That's me in there. The ''real'' me! There I am... ''[touches the reflection, and her face changes]'' ...But it's not ''really'' real, is it? Just... made up and pretend, like my family and my life and everything else! ''[turns to face Batman, who stands behind her]'' '''''WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST LET ME MAKE-BELIEVE?!''''' ''[fires at mirrors, and cries after breaking the mirror with her adult reflection. Batman approaches her]'' I didn't ''mean'' to... ===''The Lion And The Unicorn'' [2.12]=== :''[Alfred breaks a chair over a thug's head.]'' :'''Robin''': And here all I thought you dusted was furniture. :'''Alfred''': A [[w:Louis XV|Louis Quinze]]; what a pity. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alfred Pennyworth''': ''[after being drugged with a truth serum]'' You'll get nothing but gibberish out of me, madam. I come from haunts of cootenfern and knicker sudden Sally. Uh... dee-dum dee-dum dee-dum dee-dum, and bicker down the valley. :'''Red Claw''': And people wonder why no one takes Britain seriously anymore. ===''Showdown'' [2.13]=== :'''Sheriff''': Well, well. Jonah Hex, his own bad self. Been here five minutes and you ain't killed nobody nor set nothin' on fire. Slippin', ain't you? :'''[[w:Jonah Hex|Jonah Hex]]''': I'm still a little bushed. :'''Sheriff''': Fact is, you look a little past it, Hex. Not tired, just all used up. :'''Hex''': Well, when I get pushed, I can still shoot a fly out from between its wings. Provided the light's right, of course... and it's a big ''plump'' fly. :''[The sheriff glances down at his own portly figure. Two other bargoers retreat outside, sensing trouble.]'' :'''Sheriff''': I ain't got nothin' on you, Hex... yet. Just remember, them wanted posters say "dead or alive". You might try "alive" this time. :'''Hex''': First time for everything. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duvall''': It would appear we have ourselves a government spy. A rather disreputable-looking one at that. Well, Mr. Spy, I'd say your plan has failed, and the railroad is doomed. :'''Hex''': I ain't no spy! I'm Jonah Hex, and I don't give a tinker's cuss about no railroad. I've come to get ''you'', Arkady Duvall, on account of what you done to that girl back east. :'''Duvall''': ''[chuckles]'' You mean to say, you've tracked me across ''twelve states'' because of that? :'''Hex''': Well, there's also the matter of a 200 dollar reward. That part don't hurt my feelings none. :'''Duvall''': You're either a liar or a fool. :'''Hex''': I've been known to be foolish, but ain't ''nobody'' calls me a liar and goes to bed happy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hex''': Now! Let's you and me dance. :'''Duvall''': You cannot defeat me. I am a Heidelberg fencing champion. :'''Hex''': My heart's all a-flutter. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duvall''': Five thousand in gold, take it. Leave me be. :'''Hex''': It ain't about money, boy. It's about justice. And I aim to serve you some. :'''Duvall''': Let me live, please! :'''Hex''': I will. Only because it's too much trouble to haul your stinkin' carcass back east. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You left Duvall to his fate a century ago. Why come back for him now? :'''Ra's al Ghul''': Did you really think, detective, that in my six hundred years of life, I would have sired only ''one'' offspring? Even before the Phoenix debacle, I had come to realize that Arkady was too unbalanced and cruel to wisely rule my empire. :'''Batman''': But you couldn't forget about him. :'''Ra's al Ghul''': What father can ever forget his son? Come now, detective, I've still a few good years left. We will cross swords another day. But for now, let me take my boy home. ===''Riddler's Reform'' [2.14]=== :''[After learning about the theft of historical antiquities on TV]'' :'''Riddler''': ''[in Bruce's memory]'' Those are things of the past, Batman. Ancient history that's gone now. I'm a new man! But you probably won't figure that out before it's too late! ''[laughs]'' :'''Bruce''': ''He'' did it. :'''Dick''': Who? :'''Bruce''': The Riddler. Remember what he said: "Things of the past." "Ancient history that's gone now." Look! :'''Dick''': Gee, I don't know. His riddles aren't usually that subtle. Besides, he's got a multimillion dollar deal with that toy company. Why would he throw it away over some stupid riddle crime? :'''Bruce''': Because that's the way his warped mind works. He's obsessed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': He's right, you know. :'''Manny''': Who? :'''Riddler''': Batman. He ''is'' going to catch me, sooner or later. :'''Manny''': Gee, boss, you're scaring me. You're talking kinda crazy. :'''Riddler''': DON'T YOU ''EVER'' CALL ME THAT! I fooled the police, the doctors, the Parole Board - all of them! There's only one person who's ever been able to challenge me: ''BATMAN!'' He's the only one worthy of the game! :'''Manny''': But you said sooner or later he's gonna catch you. What are you gonna do? :'''Riddler''': I'm never going back to Arkham! So I guess there's only one thing to do! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': Hello, Batman. This is it: the end of the game. I'm a little sad actually. You were a worthy opponent. But then, I told you I'd make a ''killing'' at the Toy Fair! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Riddler''': ''[ranting in a cell in Arkham]'' It's IMPOSSIBLE, I tell you! Impossible! My trap was perfect! How did he do it?! I have to know! SOMEBODY TELL ME! IT'S NOT FAIR! THERE WAS NO WAY, I TELL YOU! NO WAY HE COULD HAVE GOTTEN OUT! SOMEBODY TELL ME! DO YOU HEAR ME?! SOMEBODY TELL ME HOW HE DID IT! I HAVE TO KNOW! '''''I HAVE TO KNOOOOOOOOOW!!!''''' ===''Second Chance'' [2.15]=== :'''Penguin''': And what might ''you'' be doing out there? Catching insects for dinner? :'''Batman''': I'm looking for Two-Face. :'''Penguin''': What, did you lose him? ''[chuckles]'' :'''Batman''': Somebody kidnapped him from Gotham Central tonight. You and he had a disagreement sometime ago, didn't you? :'''Penguin''': It's true. Harvey stole a rare ''avis'' right out from under my beak several months ago. A jewel-encrusted statuette of a two-headed [[w:roc (mythology)|roc]]. It was worth millions. But, my dear rodent, I'd never kidnap a fellow rogue out of his sickbed. It just isn't done. :'''Batman''': Honour among thieves? :'''Penguin''': Absolutely. If I were going to attack Harvey, I'd do it face to face... to face, heh, so to speak. Like THIS! ''[laughs and unleashes his birds on Batman]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You may as well come out. I know everything now. :''[A man emerges, his identity obscured by shadows]'' :'''Batman''': You hated Harvey Dent, and would do anything to destroy him. :''[Lightning flashes, revealing the man to be Two-Face himself]'' :'''Two-Face''': Why not? He was going to destroy me. Just like I'm going to destroy you! ''[attacks him]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Harvey, pull yourself up! :'''Harvey''': I can't! I'll drop the coin! :'''Batman''': Drop it! Save yourself! :'''Harvey''': I... I don't know what to do. The coin won't tell me! :'''Batman''': It can't tell you anything! I switched coins when you grabbed me! :'''Robin''': ''[swings and kicks the thugs out of Batman's way]'' Good thing I decided to tag along after all. :'''Batman''': It's a trick coin! It'll always land on edge! It's ''your'' decision now, Harvey! Life or death? The coin or me? :''[Robin threw the batarang to hit the elevator button to send the thug in an elevator, thunderstruck and Harvey/Two-Face decided to drops the coin]'' :'''Harvey''': Batman, help me. :''[Batman tries to give Harvey a hand, but Two-Face suddenly regains control]'' :'''Two-Face''': Never! ''[punches Batman and falls]'' :'''Batman''': ''HARVEY!!!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harvey''': ''[seen in half-shadow, making him appear to once again be Harvey Dent instead of Two-Face]'' Bruce? Good old Bruce. Always there. You never give up on me. :''[Bruce Wayne smiles and pats Harvey's shoulder before he is escorted away]'' :'''Dick''': He's right. You're always there for him. :'''Bruce''': Yes, just like you're always there for me. :'''Dick''': Hey, what are friends for? ===''Harley's Holiday'' [2.16]=== :'''Scarecrow''': I am the Master of Fear! The Lord of Despair! Cower before me in witless terror! :'''Harley''': Hi, Professor Crane! :'''Scarecrow''': ''[Smiling fondly]'' Good evening, child. ''[To Batman and Robin, furiously]'' Worship me, you fools! Worship me! Scream hosannas of anguish to Scarecrow, the all-terrible God of Fear! ''[Guards take him away]'' :'''Robin''': I think he's getting better. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley''': I'm having a BAD DAY! I'm sick of people trying to shoot me, run me over and blow me up! I didn't even get to keep my new dress - I ACTUALLY PAID FOR IT! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman and Robin take Harley back to Arkham]'' :'''Harley''': ''[sadly]'' [[w:To market, to market|Home again, home again, diggity dig...]] :'''Dr. Joan Leland''': Not for too long, though. Ms. Vreeland dropped the kidnapping charges. With a little more hard work, you should be ready to re-enter society for good. :'''Harley''': Yay... ''[to Batman]'' There's one thing I've gotta know. Why'd you stay with me all day, risking your butt for someone who's never given you anything but trouble? :'''Batman''': I know what it's like to try and rebuild a life. ''[takes her dress out of a bag]'' I had a bad day too, once. :'''Harley''': ''[takes the dress, smiling]'' Nice guys like you shouldn't have bad days. ===''Lock-Up'' [2.17]=== :'''Scarecrow''': Don't take me back there, please! Look at me, Batman! I'm shaking with fear! Me! The Scarecrow! I wasn't even going back to crime this time! I just had to get away from... HIM! :'''[[w:Lock-Up (comics)|Lyle Bolton]]''': I'll take it from here, Batman. Lyle Bolton, Chief of security. Congratulations, Professor Crane. You're the first inmate to escape Arkham under my charge. ''[He grabs Crane by the collar; Crane whimpers]'' You're also the last. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bartholomew''': Miss Quinn? Do you have any complaints against Mr. Bolton? :''[Lyle Bolton sneers threateningly at Harley Quinn]'': :'''Harley Quinn''': I got nothing to say. :'''Bartholomew''': But surely you must have something you wish to- :'''Harley Quinn''': You got a hearing problem or something?! NO! NADA! IXNAY! ZERO! ZILCH! BUPKES! NOTHING! OKAY?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Harley Quinn''': He threatens us! Takes away our privileges, even when we're good! :'''[[w:Lock-Up (comics)|Lyle Bolton]]''': We've heard enough of this nonsense. :'''Jonathon Crane''': He says scum like us must be kept in line! That's why he chains us down at night and electrifies our doors! :'''Scarface''': He held me over a can filled with a termites! Ya hear me?! ''TERMITES!'' :'''Harley Quinn''': He's an animal! :'''Ventriloquist''': A monster! :'''Jonathon Crane''': Keep him away! :'''Lyle Bolton''': '''SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU!''' :''[The guards retrain Lyle Bolton, he kicks the table, resists the guards and attack and them; he threatens to kill the inmates, and Bruce Wayne trips him with the chair]'' :'''Lyle Bolton''': You're all scum! You should be beaten within an inch of your misbegotten lives! :'''Bartholomew''': I've seen enough! ''[pounds the gravel]'' Lyle Bolton, you're dismissed! :'''Lyle Bolton''': Before I came here, Arkham was a revolving door for every maniac in Gotham. ''I'' kept them in! '''ME!''' Now I realize I was wrong to punish those pathetic miscreants! '''THEY'RE ONLY SYMPTOMS! ''YOU'RE'' THE CAUSE! THE GUTLESS POLICE, MINDLESS BUREAUCRATS, AND CODDLING DOCTORS! YOU SHOULD ALL BE LOCKED UP IN A CAGE WITHOUT A KEY!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lock Up''': I could have rid Gotham of the fools in city hall and the police department! We could have made our own order! :'''Batman''': I was born to fight your brand of order! :'''Lock Up''': If that's your decision...! ===''Make 'Em Laugh'' [2.18]=== :'''Dispatcher''': Disturbance reported at the top of the Crown restaurant. Suspect is a male costumed extremist armed with what appears to be a... ketchup gun. :'''Batman''': It's going to be one of those nights. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Condiment King''': So long, suckers! Parting is such "sweet-and-sour" sorrow. ''[Batman yanks away his loot bag]'' What's this? Ah! The big bad Bat-guy. I knew you'd "ketchup" to me sooner or later. How I've "relished" this meeting. You, the dynamic Dark Knight, versus me, the conceptual Condiment King! Come, Batman. Let's see if you can "cut the mustard". :'''Batman''': Quiet! ''[punches the King in the stomach]'' :'''Condiment King''': ''[slumps to ground, gasping]'' You hit me! :'''Batman''': Now listen, Mustard Man, or whatever you call yourself. You're obviously new at this, so I'm willing to go easy on you, provided you give back the loot and never even think about doing this again. Deal? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Buddy's agent''': I don't get it. Buddy's just thrown his entire career away. The network's cancelling his show and the restaurant's suing him for a million dollars. Why did he do it? It just doesn't make sense. ===''Deep Freeze'' [2.19]=== :'''Batman''': Men like Walker are obsessed with getting their own way. And they don't let little things like the ''law'' stop them. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grant Walker''': Do you realize that in your half-frozen state, you will age more slowly than an ordinary human? You're practically immortal, my friend! :'''Mr. Freeze''': Yes, eternal life trapped in this wretched shell! What a miserable joke. :'''Grant Walker''': Miserable to you, but a godsend to me. Look at me, Mr. Freeze, I'm an old man. I've created wonders in my lifetime, but there is still so much to do! I want to change as you have. To become, like you, a being of blessed, eternal cold. :'''Mr. Freeze''': You're insane. :'''Grant Walker''': Only you know how to duplicate the accident that made you what you are. What I long to become! :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''[grabs him]'' You want to live like this? Abandoned and alone? A prisoner in a world you can see but never touch? ''[drops him and turns away]'' Old and infirm as you are, I'd trade a thousand of my frozen years for your worst day. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grant Walker''': Every time I open a park, I get gatecrashers. :'''Batman''': We've seen your insane vision of the future, Walker. :'''Grant Walker''': My world will have no crime, violence or pain. :'''Robin''': You can add free will to that list too! :'''Grant Walker''': A small price to pay for order. :'''Batman''': ''Your'' order! For your select few! :'''Grant Walker''': Excuse me, but I fail to see the problem with that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You can't let Walker do this. Billions of people will perish! :'''Mr. Freeze''': That's not my concern. All that matters is I once again have my wife, and the means to restore her. :'''Batman''': She'll wake up in a dead, frozen world that ''you'' helped destroy. She'll ''hate'' you for that! :'''Mr. Freeze''': ''Silence.'' :'''Batman''': You think you're alone now? Wait until she learns the truth. :'''Mr. Freeze''': '''I SAID ''SILENCE!''''' ''[blasts at Batman and Robin, knocking them backward, then turns back to Nora with a saddened face]'' Forgive me... ''[frees Batman and Robin]'' Come, there is much to do. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Dick recovers from hypothermia]'' :'''Dick''': Man, if I spent any more time in that immersion tank, I'd be growing gills. :'''Bruce''': I'm just glad I was able to get you back here in time. :'''Dick''': Thanks. For a while I thought I'd end up like Walker, trapped in a ice cube forever. What about Mr. Freeze? Do you think he's gone for good? :'''Bruce''': I'm not sure. But if Freeze's condition has made him truly immortal... we may not have seen the last of him. ===''Batgirl Returns'' [2.20]=== :'''Catwoman''': Bats are just mice with wings, little girl. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Batgirl|Batgirl]]''': So, what are you going to do? Leave us over one of these vats with acid burning through the rope? :'''Daggett''': ''[Laughs]'' If there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's that you crime-fighting types are very resourceful. So, I'll just have my men shoot you and throw your bodies in the vats. == About ''{{PAGENAME}}'' == *'''PD''': If I had to differentiate between [Batman and Superman], I'd say Superman is sort of about hope. You've got this guy who's an alien and not truly human, but he personifies all the best qualities of humanity. He's sort of an example of what it would be nice to be like. We would all like to be like Superman. We would all like to have power, compassion, the ability to settle problems in a good way, and maybe [be able to] wink to ourselves about how nobody else besides us knows we really have this secret power and we keep it ourselves. There's not a lot of angst with Superman. If there is, it's more like, "I wish I could tell Lois who I really was." Batman is how you'd like to be if you [could] break someone's neck: "I'm pissed off, and I want to go out and do something about it." Superman waits for trouble to happen, and then he goes off and stops the problem. Batman's looking for trouble; he doesn't really start it, but he's out there looking. And if he sees something going on, he just jumps into the middle of it. :'''JA''': Batman's sort of a sociopath too. :'''PD''': He's absolutely a sociopath. He's a sociopath with a lot of money, and he's got a sense of right and wrong. I don't think he's totally bereft of some sort of compassion or feeling for some of the villains. He doesn't go after somebody like Mr. Freeze without a small bit of compassion for the man, or maybe someone like the Mad Hatter, or even Harley, whom he thinks is certainly a pain in the ass, but I think he kind of wishes she'd get her act together and wise up at some point. <br> But with darker characters like the Scarecrow and the Joker, he's basically out to make sure they never get out again - whatever it takes to take them down. Somebody like the Joker is probably the least human of all of Batman's Rogues Gallery. That was why I never wanted to do a story that humanizes the Joker, like we did with the Mad Hatter or Mr. Freeze, because I just don't think the character lends itself to that. He's almost supernatural in a way; he's somebody who's just thoroughly insane, who does what he wants to do, and who has a grudge against Batman. He probably likes horrifying people with his clownish appearance as much as Batman terrorizes criminals with his nightmare-like appearance. The Joker is pretty inhuman. I'd say the same thing about the Scarecrow. He is someone who really gets turned on by scaring people. He's like the anti-Batman. He's a weak, very unimposing man until he puts on the Scarecrow costume, and then goes out and gasses people with fear gas, and he watches them squirm. There's probably a big turn-on seeing people helpless in front of him screaming in fear. *'''PD''': When [[w:Tim Burton|Tim Burton]]'s ''[[Batman (1989 film)|Batman]]'' came out, that was the way to go. Now [[w:Joel Schumacher|Joel Schumacher]]'s [[Batman Forever|Batman]] is out there, and people are flocking to the movies, so they"re saying, "Can you lighten up the show a little bit? Can you have more fun with it?" So that's what we were charged with doing, and that's what we've done: to lighten up the color palette a little bit, so that every character's not just in dark colors. Robin, for instance, is now black, red, and gold, instead of green. Nightwing is black and a light, almost iridescent, blue. We've also given it a little more of a kid-friendly look. :* [[w:Paul Dini|Paul Dini]], [http://animationarena.com/batman_the_animated_series.html "Batman: The Animated Series"], ''Animation Arena''. * The thing with the Batman show—even though it's one of the most beautiful and well-written shows, and it really gets into Batman—is that it doesn't really move that fast. The fight scenes aren't that intense, and it doesn't really go actiony. There's a lot of walking and talking in it. It looks great, but it needs that kick of having action. And I think that's another thing that kids are picking up on: For the first time, you're actually seeing superheroes really fight bad guys. In a lot of the cartoons when I was growing up, like [[w:Super Friends|Super Friends]], there was no fighting of bad guys. They would just get sent off to jail. It was wacky, it was silly, it wasn't intense, and there wasn't real fighting and stuff in it. ** [[w:Craig McCracken|Craig McCracken]] [http://www.avclub.com/article/the-powerpuff-girls-13665 "The Powerpuff Girls"], Keith Phipps, ''A.V.Club'', Jun 21, 2000. == Cast == * [[Kevin Conroy]] - [[w:Batman|Bruce Wayne/Batman]] * [[w:Loren Lester|Loren Lester]] - [[w:Dick Grayson|Dick Grayson/Robin]] * [[w:Melissa Gilbert|Melissa Gilbert]] - [[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara Gordon/Batgirl]] * [[w:Clive Revill|Clive Revill]]/[[w:Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.|Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.]] - [[w:Alfred Pennyworth|Alfred Pennyworth]] * [[w:Bob Hastings|Bob Hastings]] - [[w:James Gordon (comics)|Commissioner James Gordon]] * [[w:Robert Costanzo|Robert Costanzo]] - [[w:Harvey Bullock (comics)|Detective Harvey Bullock]] * [[w:Ingrid Oliu|Ingrid Oliu]]/Liane Schirmer - [[w:Renee Montoya|Officer Renee Montoya]] * [[Mark Hamill]] - [[w:The Joker (comics)|The Joker]] * [[w:Arleen Sorkin|Arleen Sorkin]] - [[w:Harley Quinn|Dr. Harleen Quinzel/Harley Quinn]] * [[Paul Williams (songwriter)|Paul Williams]] - [[w:Penguin (comics)|Oswald Cobblepot/The Penguin]] * [[Adrienne Barbeau]] - [[w:Catwoman|Selina Kyle/Catwoman]] * [[w:John Glover (actor)|John Glover]] - [[w:Riddler|Edward Nygma/The Riddler]] * [[w:Richard Moll|Richard Moll]] - [[w:Two-Face (comics)|Harvey Dent/Two-Face]] * [[w:George Dzundza|George Dzundza]] - [[w:The Ventriloquist (comics)|Arnold Wesker/The Ventriloquist/Scarface]] * [[w:Henry Silva|Henry Silva]] - [[w:Bane (comics)|Bane]] * [[w:Aron Kincaid|Aron Kincaid]] - [[w:Killer Croc|Killer Croc]] * [[w:Marc Singer|Marc Singer]] - [[w:Man-Bat|Dr. Kirk Langstrom/Man-Bat]] * [[w:Ron Perlman|Ron Perlman]] - [[w:Clayface|Matt Hagen/Clayface]] * [[w:Diane Pershing|Diane Pershing]] - [[w:Poison Ivy (comics)|Dr. Pamela Isley/Poison Ivy]] * [[w:Henry Polic II|Henry Polic II]] - [[w:Scarecrow (DC comics)|Dr. Jonathan Crane/The Scarecrow]] * [[w:Roddy McDowall|Roddy McDowall]] - [[w:Mad Hatter|Dr. Jervis Tetch/The Mad Hatter]] * [[w:Michael Ansara|Michael Ansara]] - [[w:Mr. Freeze|Dr. Victor Freeze/Mr. Freeze]] * [[David Warner (actor)|David Warner]] - [[w:Ra's al Ghul|Ra's al Ghul]] ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} {{Batman}} [[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated superhero TV shows]] [[Category:Animated Batman TV shows]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Animated television programs based on Detective Comics]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Fox Broadcasting Company animated television series]] [[Category:Television series by Warner Bros. Animation]] rbori0l7tce2cp558532dayughp8oqm 0 24720 3778682 3456307 2025-07-14T13:49:17Z UDScott 4304 ±[[Category:Humorists]]→[[Category:Humorists from the United States]]; ±[[Category:Comedians]]→[[Category:Comedians from the United States]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778682 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:ZeFrank.jpg|thumb|right|Frank in 2007]] '''[[w:Ze Frank|Ze Frank]]''' (born '''Hosea Frank''' on [[31 March]] [[1972]], first name IPA: ['ze], rhymes with "say") is an online performance artist and humorist based in Brooklyn, New York. {{comedian-stub}} == Sourced == === "The Show" (www.zefrank.com/theshow/)=== * '''This is Ze Frank, thinking so you don't have to.''' (Standard sign-off for "The Show"; varies at times). * Just a reminder, what other people think of you is none of your business.[http://www.zefrank.com/theshow/archives/2006/04/040506.html]. * [T]here's more than one way to skin a cat. But from the cat's perspective, they all suck. [http://www.zefrank.com/theshow/archives/2006/05/060206.html]. * Trying to defeat an ideology by killing individuals is like trying to save a marriage with a blowjob. It might buy you some time, but in the end it'll just suck. [http://www.zefrank.com/theshow/archives/2006/05/052406.html]. * [T]errorists are desperate assholes who see no institutionalized recourse to address their grievances, so they resort to random acts of violence in order to instill fear into the general population.[http://www.zefrank.com/wiki/index.php/the_show:_06-21-06] * A surprise party is where your friends and family lie to you to make you feel alone and unloved. Then, when they throw you the party they would have thrown, regardless, you experience a sudden rush of emotion as your depressed self returns back to normal. Some people think that life in general's like that. They keep waiting for the party. I call that: denial. [http://www.zefrank.com/wiki/index.php/the_show:_03-30-06] * Pat Buchanan likes to say we're in a culture war. The Civil War was a culture war, and brothers killed brothers. I wonder if they avoided dinner conversation about politics. What if this culture war turned into a real war? I'd look back on that dinner and wish that I'd ordered a side of argument.[http://www.zefrank.com/wiki/index.php/the_show:_06-08-06] * I don't think you understand what the word ''cool'' means.... Being cool is about not participating in traditionally enjoyable experiences and creating the illusion that happiness can be found in alternative, less enjoyable experiences. The degree to which other people around you try to emulate your alternative lifestyle and fail determines how cool you are. You're only as cool as people wish they were.[http://www.zefrank.com/wiki/index.php/the_show:_06-13-06] * The word ''vagina'' is a beautiful word, like all words that have v's and g's in them, like gavel, or evangelical. I love vaginas, and evangelicals. I fucking hate gavels though.[http://www.zefrank.com/wiki/index.php/the_show:_05-31-06] *Both hurting and happiness make me feel more alive, but as I get older it seems that hurting's the low hanging fruit. So I pick it. [http://www.zefrank.com/wiki/index.php/the_show:_06-05-06] * I'm not sure, but I think I might be an adult.... Someone the other day told me I should act more like one, but I don't even know what it is. What's an adult? I blame it on my parents; they caught it before I was even born. When I break things now I have to pay for them. I rarely get cake at parties anymore. When people give me sheets of paper I'm not supposed to draw on 'em. I'm just supposed to put the letters of my name on a line. Where's the fun in that? People get funny when I say the obvious, like "you've got a big nose." All of a sudden I'm supposed to know about the weather. And have plans! I even checked on the internet and no one's working on a cure. I'm not sure I like it.[http://www.zefrank.com/wiki/index.php/the_show:_06-06-06] * Okay, roll-call, no talking. Benny, Marc; Ethel, Shakina, nice shoes. Bobo twins, anyone seen the Bobo twins? Those Bobo twins.[http://www.zefrank.com/wiki/index.php/the_show:_05-30-06] * Water boarding: Is that like snowboarding?! [http://www.zefrank.com/theshow/archives/2006/05/052406.html]. * Shock 'n' Awe. We bring the BoomWow.[http://www.zefrank.com/wiki/index.php/the_show:_06-15-06] * 'Army of one': when the shit hits the fan, you're on your own.[http://www.zefrank.com/theshow/archives/2006/03/032306.html]. * The president said some words, like nouns and verbs. [http://www.zefrank.com/wiki/index.php/the_show:_06-15-06] * It's complimacated. (sounds like ''compli-ma-kayted,'' emphasis on first syllable) [http://www.zefrank.com/wiki/index.php/the_show:_06-15-06] * A wedge strategy is where you focus on a highly charged issue at the borders of rationality and emotion. The emotional content of the issue can create a moral conviction that the issue needs to be resolved at any cost. Tactics that would otherwise be called into question can then be employed to resolve the issue. This sets precedent for the future use of those tactics in other arenas. [http://www.zefrank.com/wiki/index.php/the_show:_06-29-06] * (On airplane etiquette) Although reclining your seat is technically your right, just like free speech if you exercise it to your limits everyone around you will think you're an asshole. [http://www.zefrank.com/wiki/index.php/the_show:_08-23-06] * Say the opposite, say the opposite, say the same thing, say the same thing. (song/refrain on "The Show"). * ...next time you rake up those leaves realize you're about to jump into a pile of tree shit. [http://www.zefrank.com/theshow/archives/2006/10/101906.html]. * If you don't know what a cat is, it's sort of like a stuffed animal... but with a working asshole. I'll admit that when I went to the pound, I was actually shopping for a never ending box of shit, um, and the cat just came with it. [http://www.zefrank.com/thewiki/the_show:_11-16-06] * in the summertime sometimes i sleep "macho": ah, white t-shirt, no underpants. Sleeping macho looks very attractive on a man. I feel like it helps me breathe. [http://www.zefrank.com/thewiki/the_show:_11-16-06] * Look! A see-through wall of glass! [http://www.zefrank.com/thewiki/the_show:_05-05-06] * Don't swim up stream, baby. The future was right where you were. [http://www.zefrank.com/theshow/archives/2006/04/040506.html]. * This little bathtub smells like ass.[http://www.zefrank.com/theshow/archives/2006/05/050506.html]. * Generalized statements … which instill nebulous fear without specific information are exactly in line with the goals of terrorism. [http://www.zefrank.com/theshow/archives/2006/08/081006.html]. * When I get sick I start scripting the video tape that I'm gonna leave behind when I die. Sometimes imagining that even makes me cry. Both hurting and happiness make me feel more alive, but as I get older it seems that hurting's the low hanging fruit. So I pick it. [http://www.zefrank.com/theshow/archives/2006/06/060506.html]. *Are the new viewers gone yet? * Look what I found; a litter version of the Internet! This used to be something that could convert carbon dioxide to oxygen using only sunlight, water, and a few nutrients. But now it's way cooler; it has two functions. You can either put little words on it, or crumple it up into a tiny ball and throw it! [http://www.zefrank.com/theshow/archives/2007/04/best_of_050806.html]. *Any individual entity that pretends to understand the rules that guide this space is under an illusion. *Who likes the little little duckies in the pond? I do, I do, I do, a-chicka quack quack. == External links == {{wikipedia}} *[http://www.zefrank.com Zefrank.com] - personal website {{DEFAULTSORT:Frank, Ze}} [[Category:Humorists from the United States]] [[Category:Comedians from the United States]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:People from New York (state)]] 2tudx3mjklvtifjeqst6daay1xzbcki 0 26199 3778933 3738577 2025-07-14T23:53:03Z Kalki 71 ranking shift on 1 3778933 wikitext text/x-wiki <div id="15" style="margin: 1em 0em; border: thin solid black; padding: 3px; background-color:#CFE5FF;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122); font: bold 14pt sans-serif;">[[Category:Days]][[w:July 15|July 15]]</div> <noinclude>'''Quotes of the day''' from previous years:</noinclude> ; 2003 : Most people would rather die than think; in fact, they do so. ~ [[Bertrand Russell]] :* selected by [[User:Nanobug|Nanobug]] ;2004 : Thar’s only two possibilities: Thar is life out there in the universe which is smarter than we are, or we’re the most intelligent life in the universe. Either way, it’s a mighty sobering thought. ~ [[Walt Kelly]] :* selected by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ; 2005 : Eternal vigilance must be maintained to guard against those who seek to stifle ideas, establish a narrow orthodoxy, and divide our nation along arbitrary lines of race, ethnicity, and religious belief or non-belief. ~ [[Jesse Ventura]] (born 15 July 1951) :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ; 2006 : Patriotism is voluntary. It is a feeling of loyalty and allegiance that is the result of knowledge and belief. A patriot shows their patriotism through their actions, by their choice... No law will make a citizen a patriot. ~ [[Jesse Ventura]] :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 06:10, 14 July 2005 (UTC) * 4 [[User:Jeffq|Jeff Q]]&nbsp;[[User talk:Jeffq|(talk)]] 20:07, 11 July 2006 (UTC). Possibly trim down to the last two lines, or even the last sentence. [took yhis suggestion to the extent of trimming off "I believe patriotism comes from the heart..."] --> ; 2007 : Love is the extremely difficult realisation that something other than oneself is real. Love, and so art and morals, is the discovery of reality. ~ [[Iris Murdoch]] (born 15 July 1919) :* proposed by [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] <!-- * 4 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 23:31, 14 July 2007 (UTC) * '''[[User:Sceptre|Will]]''' ^{{[[User talk:Sceptre|talk]])} 23:42, 14 July 2007 (UTC) * 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 00:03, 15 July 2007 (UTC) --> ; 2008 : Try to put well in practice what you already know; and in so doing, you will in good time, discover the hidden things which you now inquire about. Practice what you know, and it will help to make clear what now you do not know. ~ [[Rembrandt]] (born 15 July 1606) :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] <!-- * 4 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 00:03, 15 July 2007 (UTC) * 3 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 06:19, 24 April 2008 (UTC) * 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 23:32, 14 July 2008 (UTC) --> ; 2009 : Choose only one master — Nature. ~ [[Rembrandt]] :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] <!-- * 4 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 17:17, 14 July 2009 (UTC) <s>* 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 00:03, 15 July 2007 (UTC)</s> * 2 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 06:19, 24 April 2008 (UTC) * 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 23:32, 14 July 2008 (UTC) --> ; 2010 : There is no document of civilization which is not at the same time a document of barbarism. ~ [[Walter Benjamin]] :* proposed by [[User: Zarbon|Zarbon]] <!-- * 3 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 05:13, 21 May 2008 (UTC) * 4 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 23:32, 14 July 2008 (UTC) * 2 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 17:17, 14 July 2009 (UTC) --> ; 2011 : It is a curious thing, Harry, but perhaps those who are best suited to power are those who have never sought it. ~ [[J. K. Rowling]] in ''[[Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows]]'' (opening day of final film in the [[Harry Potter (series)|Harry Potter series]] 15 July 2011) :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] <!-- * 4 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 01:45, 3 July 2011 (UTC) --> ; 2012 : {{quote of the day | quote = There's a [[Greatness|great]] [[Necessity|need]] in our [[government]] right now for [[honesty]]. I speak my [[mind]]. You might not always like what you [[Hearing|hear]], but you're gonna hear it anyway. I call it like I see it; I tell the [[truth]]. And if I don't [[Knowledge|know]] something, I'll say so. Then I'll [[Effort|try]] to find the answer. | author = Jesse Ventura }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] <!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 19:29, 6 July 2012 (UTC) <s>3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 06:10, 14 July 2005 (UTC) with a strong lean toward 4.</s> * 3 [[User:Jeffq|Jeff Q]]&nbsp;[[User talk:Jeffq|(talk)]] 20:07, 11 July 2006 (UTC) * 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 23:31, 14 July 2007 (UTC) * 1 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 06:19, 24 April 2008 (UTC) --> ; 2013 {{quote of the day | quote = This is how one pictures the [[angel]] of [[history]]. His [[face]] is turned toward the [[past]]. Where we perceive a chain of events, he sees one single catastrophe which keeps piling wreckage upon wreckage and hurls it in front of his feet. The angel would like to stay, awaken the [[dead]], and make whole what has been smashed. But a [[storm]] is blowing in from [[Paradise]]; it has got caught in his wings with such [[violence]] that the angel can no longer close them. This storm irresistibly propels him into the [[future]] to which his back is turned, while the pile of debris before him grows [[Sky|skyward]]. This storm is what we call [[progress]]. | author = Walter Benjamin }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] <!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 10:53, 13 July 2013 (UTC) <s>3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 11:17, 11 July 2010 (UTC) with a strong lean toward 4. * 4 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 11:33, 11 July 2010 (UTC) </s> * 3 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 07:33, 10 July 2013 (UTC) --> ; 2014 {{quote of the day | quote = Only a thoughtless observer can deny that correspondences come into play between the [[world]] of modern [[technology]] and the archaic [[symbol]]-world of [[mythology]]. | author = Walter Benjamin }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 21:49, 13 July 2014 (UTC) <s>3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 11:17, 11 July 2010 (UTC) with a strong lean toward 4.</s> * 3 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 07:33, 10 July 2013 (UTC) --> ; 2015 {{quote of the day | quote = In every [[era]] the attempt must be made anew to wrest [[tradition]] away from a [[conformism]] that is about to overpower it. The [[Messiah]] comes not only as the [[redeemer]], he comes as the subduer of [[Antichrist]]. Only that [[historian]] will have the [[gift]] of fanning the spark of [[hope]] in the [[past]] who is firmly convinced that ''even the [[dead]]'' will not be safe from [[Evil|the enemy]] if he [[wins]]. And this enemy has not ceased to be [[victorious]]. | author = Walter Benjamin }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 10:36, 14 July 2015 (UTC) --> ; 2016 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> In the fields with which we are concerned [[knowledge]] [[exists]] only in [[lightning]] flashes. The text is the [[thunder]] rolling long afterwards. | author = Walter Benjamin }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 07:49, 14 July 2016 (UTC) <s>3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 10:36, 14 July 2015 (UTC)</s> --> ; 2017 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> We [[know]] that the [[Jews]] were prohibited from [[investigating]] the [[future]]. The [[w:Torah|Torah]] and the [[prayers]] instruct them in [[remembrance]], however. This stripped the future of its [[magic]], to which all those succumb who turn to the soothsayers for [[enlightenment]]. This did not imply, however, that for the Jews the future turned into homogeneous empty time. For every second of [[time]] was the strait gate through which the [[Messiah]] might enter. | author = Walter Benjamin }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 23:53, 14 July 2017 (UTC) <s> 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 10:36, 14 July 2015 (UTC)</s> --> ; 2018 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> To articulate what is [[past]] does not mean to recognize "how it really was." It means to take control of a [[memory]], as it flashes in a [[moment]] of [[danger]]. For [[historical]] [[materialism]] it is a question of holding fast to a picture of the past, just as if it had unexpectedly thrust itself, in a [[Crisis|moment of danger]], on the historical subject. The danger threatens the stock of [[tradition]] as much as its recipients. For both it is one and the same: handing itself over as the tool of the [[ruling]] [[classes]]. In every epoch, the attempt must be made to deliver tradition anew from the [[conformism]] which is on the point of overwhelming it. For the [[Messiah]] arrives not merely as the [[Redeemer]]; he also arrives as the vanquisher of the [[w:Anti-christ|Anti-christ]]. The only writer of history with the gift of setting alight the sparks of [[hope]] in the past, is the one who is convinced of this: that not even the [[dead]] will be [[safe]] from the [[enemy]], if he is [[victorious]]. And this enemy has not ceased to be victorious. | author = Walter Benjamin }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 23:29, 14 July 2018 (UTC) <s>g3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:27, 15 July 2017 (UTC)</s> --> ; 2019 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> Every [[expression]] of [[human]] [[mental]] [[life]] can be understood as a kind of [[language]], and this [[understanding]], in the manner of a [[true]] [[method]], everywhere raises new [[questions]]. | author = Walter Benjamin }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:17, 15 July 2019 (UTC) <s>3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:11, 15 July 2018 (UTC)</s> --> ; 2020 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> In what [[time]] does man [[live]]? The thinkers have always [[known]] that he does not live in any time at all. The [[immortality]] of [[thoughts]] and [[deeds]] banishes him to a timeless realm at whose [[heart]] an inscrutable [[death]] lies in wait. ... Devoured by the countless demands of the [[moment]], time slipped away from him; the medium in which the pure melody of his [[youth]] would swell was destroyed. The fulfilled [[tranquility]] in which his late [[maturity]] would ripen was stolen from him. It was purloined by everyday [[reality]], which, with its [[events]], [[chance]] occurrences, and [[obligations]], disrupted the myriad opportunities of youthful time, immortal time. ... From day to day, second to second, the [[self]] preserves itself, clinging to that instrument: time, the instrument that it was supposed to play. | author = Walter Benjamin }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 03:52, 15 July 2020 (UTC) <s>3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:11, 15 July 2018 (UTC)</s> --> ; 2021 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> All [[purposeful]] manifestations of [[life]], including their very purposiveness, in the final [[analysis]] have their [[end]] not in life but in the expression of its [[nature]], in the representation of its [[significance]]. | author = Walter Benjamin }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 23:44, 14 July 2021 (UTC) <s> 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 23:52, 14 July 2018 (UTC) </s> --> ; 2022 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> A [[painting]] is [[finished]] when the [[artist]] says [[w:Sayings_of_Jesus_on_the_cross#6._It_is_finished|it is finished]]. | author = Rembrandt }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 19:29, 14 July 2022 (UTC) <s> 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 11:33, 11 July 2010 (UTC) </s> * 3 [[User:Pajicz|Pajicz]] ([[User talk:Pajicz|talk]]) 12:35, 8 April 2013 (UTC) Strong, but simple. * 3 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 07:33, 10 July 2013 (UTC) --> ; 2023 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> Because he never raises his eyes to the [[great]] and the [[meaningful]], [[Philistinism|the philistine]] has taken [[experience]] as his [[gospel]]. It has become for him a [[message]] about [[life]]'s commonness. But he has never grasped that there [[exists]] something other than experience, that there are [[values]] — inexperienceable — which we [[serve]]. | author = Walter Benjamin }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:34, 15 July 2023 (UTC) <s>3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 23:52, 14 July 2018 (UTC)</s> --> ; 2024 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> The [[choice]] we make in [[2024 United States presidential election|this election]] will shape the [[future]] of [[America]] and the [[world]] for decades to come. I [[believe]] that with all my [[soul]]. I know that millions of my fellow Americans believe it as well. And some have a different view as to the direction our country should take. Disagreement is inevitable in American [[democracy]]. It is part of [[human nature]]. [[Politics]] must never be a killing field. I believe politics ought to be an arena for [[peaceful]] [[debate]], to pursue [[justice]], to make decisions guided by the [[Declaration of Independence]] and [[United States Constitution|our constitution]]. We stand for an America not of extremism and fury, but of [[decency]] and [[grace]]. All of us now face a time of [[testing]] as the election approaches. The higher the stakes, the more fervent the [[passion]] becomes. This places an added burden on each of us to ensure no matter how strong our convictions, we must never descend into [[violence]]. | author = Joe Biden }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:27, 15 July 2024 (UTC); recent remarks on recent events --> ; 2025 : ''[[July 15|Rank or add further suggestions…]]'' ---- <noinclude> <!-- ---- '''Quotes by people born this day, already used as QOTD:''' --> ---- {{QOTD Ranking}} ---- ---- == Suggestions == More glorious to merit a sceptre than to possess one ~ [[Napoleon Bonaparte]] who surrendered on July 15th. * 3 ~ [[User:MosheZadka|MosheZadka]] [[User talk:MosheZadka|(Talk)]] 09:06, 25 Jun 2005 (UTC) * 1 [[User:Jeffq|Jeff Q]]&nbsp;[[User talk:Jeffq|(talk)]] 20:07, 11 July 2006 (UTC) * 2 '''[[User:Sceptre|Will]]''' ^{{[[User talk:Sceptre|talk]])} 23:42, 14 July 2007 (UTC) * 2 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 06:19, 24 April 2008 (UTC) * 2 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 07:33, 10 July 2013 (UTC) ---- A king should sacrifice the best affections of his heart for the good of his country; no sacrifice should be above his determination. ~ [[Napoleon Bonaparte]] * 3 [[User:AllanHainey|AllanHainey]] June 27, 2005 11:40 (UTC) * 3 [[User:Jeffq|Jeff Q]]&nbsp;[[User talk:Jeffq|(talk)]] 20:07, 11 July 2006 (UTC) * 3 '''[[User:Sceptre|Will]]''' ^{{[[User talk:Sceptre|talk]])} 23:42, 14 July 2007 (UTC) * 1 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 06:19, 24 April 2008 (UTC) * 3 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 07:33, 10 July 2013 (UTC) ---- I ran for governor to find out if the American dream still exists in anyone's heart other than mine. I'm living proof that the myths aren't true. The candidate with the most money isn't always the one who wins. You don't have to be a career politician to serve in public office. ~ [[Jesse Ventura]] (date of birth) * 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 06:10, 14 July 2005 (UTC) * 2 [[User:Jeffq|Jeff Q]]&nbsp;[[User talk:Jeffq|(talk)]] 20:07, 11 July 2006 (UTC) * 2 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 23:31, 14 July 2007 (UTC) * 1 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 06:19, 24 April 2008 (UTC) * 2.5 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 07:33, 10 July 2013 (UTC) ---- A well-wrapped statistic is better than Hitler's "big lie"; it misleads, yet it cannot be pinned on you. ~ [[How to Lie with Statistics|Darrell Huff]] (date of birth) * 3 [[User:Ningauble|Ningauble]] 17:22, 30 October 2008 (UTC) * 1 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 05:03, 3 July 2009 (UTC) * 2 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 17:17, 14 July 2009 (UTC) with a lean toward 3. * 3 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 07:33, 10 July 2013 (UTC) ---- There is terror in numbers... Perhaps we suffer from a trauma induced by grade-school arithmetic. ~ [[How to Lie with Statistics|Darrell Huff]] (date of birth) * 3 [[User:Ningauble|Ningauble]] 17:22, 30 October 2008 (UTC) * 2 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 05:03, 3 July 2009 (UTC) * 2 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 17:17, 14 July 2009 (UTC) * 2 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 07:33, 10 July 2013 (UTC) ---- He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man ~ [[Samuel Johnson|Dr Johnson]] : {{unsigned|D is for d}} * 1 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 22:33, 14 July 2009 (UTC) no clear relation to the date * 2 if it is on the correct date. - [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 18:13, 21 August 2009 (UTC) * 2 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 07:33, 10 July 2013 (UTC) ---- If you can't prove what you want to prove, demonstrate something else and pretend they are the same thing. In the daze that follows the collision of statistics with the human mind, hardly anyone will notice the difference. ~ [[How to Lie with Statistics|Darrell Huff]] * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 19:29, 6 July 2012 (UTC) with a lean toward 4. * 3 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 07:33, 10 July 2013 (UTC) ---- {{quote of the day | quote = The tradition of the oppressed teaches us that the "state of emergency" in which we live is not the exception but the rule. | author = Walter Benjamin }} * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 23:52, 14 July 2025 (UTC) <s>3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 10:36, 14 July 2015 (UTC) </s> ---- {{quote of the day | quote = There is a secret agreement between past generations and the present one. Our coming was expected on earth. Like every generation that preceded us, we have been endowed with a weak Messianic power, a [[power]] to which the past has a claim. That claim cannot be settled cheaply. | author = Walter Benjamin }} * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:27, 15 July 2017 (UTC) ---- {{quote of the day | quote = Everyone who achieves strives for totality, and the value of his achievement lies in that totality — that is, in the fact that the whole, undivided nature of a human being should be expressed in his achievement. But when determined by our society, as we see it today, achievement does not express a totality; it is completely fragmented and derivative. It is not uncommon for the community to be the site where a joint and covert struggle is waged against higher ambitions and more personal goals. ... The socially relevant achievement of the average person serves in the vast majority of cases to repress the original and nonderivative, inner aspirations of the human being. | author = Walter Benjamin }} * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:11, 15 July 2018 (UTC) ---- {{quote of the day | quote = The enslavement of language in prattle is joined by the enslavement of things in folly almost as its inevitable consequence. | author = Walter Benjamin }} * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:11, 15 July 2018 (UTC) ---- {{quote of the day | quote = Of all the ways of acquiring books, writing them oneself is regarded as the most praiseworthy method. … Writers are really people who write books not because they are poor, but because they are dissatisfied with the books which they could buy but do not like. | author = Walter Benjamin }} * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:11, 15 July 2018 (UTC) ---- <!-- interwiki start --> <!-- interwiki end --> </noinclude> bdqcnmofz7yl6k305ueep1j4xknyqty 3778940 3778933 2025-07-15T00:27:26Z Kalki 71 update 3778940 wikitext text/x-wiki <div id="15" style="margin: 1em 0em; border: thin solid black; padding: 3px; background-color:#CFE5FF;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122); font: bold 14pt sans-serif;">[[Category:Days]][[w:July 15|July 15]]</div> <noinclude>'''Quotes of the day''' from previous years:</noinclude> ; 2003 : Most people would rather die than think; in fact, they do so. ~ [[Bertrand Russell]] :* selected by [[User:Nanobug|Nanobug]] ;2004 : Thar’s only two possibilities: Thar is life out there in the universe which is smarter than we are, or we’re the most intelligent life in the universe. Either way, it’s a mighty sobering thought. ~ [[Walt Kelly]] :* selected by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ; 2005 : Eternal vigilance must be maintained to guard against those who seek to stifle ideas, establish a narrow orthodoxy, and divide our nation along arbitrary lines of race, ethnicity, and religious belief or non-belief. ~ [[Jesse Ventura]] (born 15 July 1951) :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ; 2006 : Patriotism is voluntary. It is a feeling of loyalty and allegiance that is the result of knowledge and belief. A patriot shows their patriotism through their actions, by their choice... No law will make a citizen a patriot. ~ [[Jesse Ventura]] :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 06:10, 14 July 2005 (UTC) * 4 [[User:Jeffq|Jeff Q]]&nbsp;[[User talk:Jeffq|(talk)]] 20:07, 11 July 2006 (UTC). Possibly trim down to the last two lines, or even the last sentence. [took yhis suggestion to the extent of trimming off "I believe patriotism comes from the heart..."] --> ; 2007 : Love is the extremely difficult realisation that something other than oneself is real. Love, and so art and morals, is the discovery of reality. ~ [[Iris Murdoch]] (born 15 July 1919) :* proposed by [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] <!-- * 4 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 23:31, 14 July 2007 (UTC) * '''[[User:Sceptre|Will]]''' ^{{[[User talk:Sceptre|talk]])} 23:42, 14 July 2007 (UTC) * 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 00:03, 15 July 2007 (UTC) --> ; 2008 : Try to put well in practice what you already know; and in so doing, you will in good time, discover the hidden things which you now inquire about. Practice what you know, and it will help to make clear what now you do not know. ~ [[Rembrandt]] (born 15 July 1606) :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] <!-- * 4 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 00:03, 15 July 2007 (UTC) * 3 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 06:19, 24 April 2008 (UTC) * 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 23:32, 14 July 2008 (UTC) --> ; 2009 : Choose only one master — Nature. ~ [[Rembrandt]] :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] <!-- * 4 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 17:17, 14 July 2009 (UTC) <s>* 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 00:03, 15 July 2007 (UTC)</s> * 2 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 06:19, 24 April 2008 (UTC) * 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 23:32, 14 July 2008 (UTC) --> ; 2010 : There is no document of civilization which is not at the same time a document of barbarism. ~ [[Walter Benjamin]] :* proposed by [[User: Zarbon|Zarbon]] <!-- * 3 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 05:13, 21 May 2008 (UTC) * 4 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 23:32, 14 July 2008 (UTC) * 2 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 17:17, 14 July 2009 (UTC) --> ; 2011 : It is a curious thing, Harry, but perhaps those who are best suited to power are those who have never sought it. ~ [[J. K. Rowling]] in ''[[Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows]]'' (opening day of final film in the [[Harry Potter (series)|Harry Potter series]] 15 July 2011) :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] <!-- * 4 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 01:45, 3 July 2011 (UTC) --> ; 2012 : {{quote of the day | quote = There's a [[Greatness|great]] [[Necessity|need]] in our [[government]] right now for [[honesty]]. I speak my [[mind]]. You might not always like what you [[Hearing|hear]], but you're gonna hear it anyway. I call it like I see it; I tell the [[truth]]. And if I don't [[Knowledge|know]] something, I'll say so. Then I'll [[Effort|try]] to find the answer. | author = Jesse Ventura }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] <!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 19:29, 6 July 2012 (UTC) <s>3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 06:10, 14 July 2005 (UTC) with a strong lean toward 4.</s> * 3 [[User:Jeffq|Jeff Q]]&nbsp;[[User talk:Jeffq|(talk)]] 20:07, 11 July 2006 (UTC) * 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 23:31, 14 July 2007 (UTC) * 1 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 06:19, 24 April 2008 (UTC) --> ; 2013 {{quote of the day | quote = This is how one pictures the [[angel]] of [[history]]. His [[face]] is turned toward the [[past]]. Where we perceive a chain of events, he sees one single catastrophe which keeps piling wreckage upon wreckage and hurls it in front of his feet. The angel would like to stay, awaken the [[dead]], and make whole what has been smashed. But a [[storm]] is blowing in from [[Paradise]]; it has got caught in his wings with such [[violence]] that the angel can no longer close them. This storm irresistibly propels him into the [[future]] to which his back is turned, while the pile of debris before him grows [[Sky|skyward]]. This storm is what we call [[progress]]. | author = Walter Benjamin }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] <!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 10:53, 13 July 2013 (UTC) <s>3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 11:17, 11 July 2010 (UTC) with a strong lean toward 4. * 4 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 11:33, 11 July 2010 (UTC) </s> * 3 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 07:33, 10 July 2013 (UTC) --> ; 2014 {{quote of the day | quote = Only a thoughtless observer can deny that correspondences come into play between the [[world]] of modern [[technology]] and the archaic [[symbol]]-world of [[mythology]]. | author = Walter Benjamin }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 21:49, 13 July 2014 (UTC) <s>3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 11:17, 11 July 2010 (UTC) with a strong lean toward 4.</s> * 3 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 07:33, 10 July 2013 (UTC) --> ; 2015 {{quote of the day | quote = In every [[era]] the attempt must be made anew to wrest [[tradition]] away from a [[conformism]] that is about to overpower it. The [[Messiah]] comes not only as the [[redeemer]], he comes as the subduer of [[Antichrist]]. Only that [[historian]] will have the [[gift]] of fanning the spark of [[hope]] in the [[past]] who is firmly convinced that ''even the [[dead]]'' will not be safe from [[Evil|the enemy]] if he [[wins]]. And this enemy has not ceased to be [[victorious]]. | author = Walter Benjamin }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 10:36, 14 July 2015 (UTC) --> ; 2016 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> In the fields with which we are concerned [[knowledge]] [[exists]] only in [[lightning]] flashes. The text is the [[thunder]] rolling long afterwards. | author = Walter Benjamin }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 07:49, 14 July 2016 (UTC) <s>3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 10:36, 14 July 2015 (UTC)</s> --> ; 2017 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> We [[know]] that the [[Jews]] were prohibited from [[investigating]] the [[future]]. The [[w:Torah|Torah]] and the [[prayers]] instruct them in [[remembrance]], however. This stripped the future of its [[magic]], to which all those succumb who turn to the soothsayers for [[enlightenment]]. This did not imply, however, that for the Jews the future turned into homogeneous empty time. For every second of [[time]] was the strait gate through which the [[Messiah]] might enter. | author = Walter Benjamin }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 23:53, 14 July 2017 (UTC) <s> 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 10:36, 14 July 2015 (UTC)</s> --> ; 2018 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> To articulate what is [[past]] does not mean to recognize "how it really was." It means to take control of a [[memory]], as it flashes in a [[moment]] of [[danger]]. For [[historical]] [[materialism]] it is a question of holding fast to a picture of the past, just as if it had unexpectedly thrust itself, in a [[Crisis|moment of danger]], on the historical subject. The danger threatens the stock of [[tradition]] as much as its recipients. For both it is one and the same: handing itself over as the tool of the [[ruling]] [[classes]]. In every epoch, the attempt must be made to deliver tradition anew from the [[conformism]] which is on the point of overwhelming it. For the [[Messiah]] arrives not merely as the [[Redeemer]]; he also arrives as the vanquisher of the [[w:Anti-christ|Anti-christ]]. The only writer of history with the gift of setting alight the sparks of [[hope]] in the past, is the one who is convinced of this: that not even the [[dead]] will be [[safe]] from the [[enemy]], if he is [[victorious]]. And this enemy has not ceased to be victorious. | author = Walter Benjamin }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 23:29, 14 July 2018 (UTC) <s>g3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:27, 15 July 2017 (UTC)</s> --> ; 2019 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> Every [[expression]] of [[human]] [[mental]] [[life]] can be understood as a kind of [[language]], and this [[understanding]], in the manner of a [[true]] [[method]], everywhere raises new [[questions]]. | author = Walter Benjamin }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:17, 15 July 2019 (UTC) <s>3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:11, 15 July 2018 (UTC)</s> --> ; 2020 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> In what [[time]] does man [[live]]? The thinkers have always [[known]] that he does not live in any time at all. The [[immortality]] of [[thoughts]] and [[deeds]] banishes him to a timeless realm at whose [[heart]] an inscrutable [[death]] lies in wait. ... Devoured by the countless demands of the [[moment]], time slipped away from him; the medium in which the pure melody of his [[youth]] would swell was destroyed. The fulfilled [[tranquility]] in which his late [[maturity]] would ripen was stolen from him. It was purloined by everyday [[reality]], which, with its [[events]], [[chance]] occurrences, and [[obligations]], disrupted the myriad opportunities of youthful time, immortal time. ... From day to day, second to second, the [[self]] preserves itself, clinging to that instrument: time, the instrument that it was supposed to play. | author = Walter Benjamin }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 03:52, 15 July 2020 (UTC) <s>3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:11, 15 July 2018 (UTC)</s> --> ; 2021 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> All [[purposeful]] manifestations of [[life]], including their very purposiveness, in the final [[analysis]] have their [[end]] not in life but in the expression of its [[nature]], in the representation of its [[significance]]. | author = Walter Benjamin }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 23:44, 14 July 2021 (UTC) <s> 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 23:52, 14 July 2018 (UTC) </s> --> ; 2022 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> A [[painting]] is [[finished]] when the [[artist]] says [[w:Sayings_of_Jesus_on_the_cross#6._It_is_finished|it is finished]]. | author = Rembrandt }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 19:29, 14 July 2022 (UTC) <s> 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 11:33, 11 July 2010 (UTC) </s> * 3 [[User:Pajicz|Pajicz]] ([[User talk:Pajicz|talk]]) 12:35, 8 April 2013 (UTC) Strong, but simple. * 3 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 07:33, 10 July 2013 (UTC) --> ; 2023 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> Because he never raises his eyes to the [[great]] and the [[meaningful]], [[Philistinism|the philistine]] has taken [[experience]] as his [[gospel]]. It has become for him a [[message]] about [[life]]'s commonness. But he has never grasped that there [[exists]] something other than experience, that there are [[values]] — inexperienceable — which we [[serve]]. | author = Walter Benjamin }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:34, 15 July 2023 (UTC) <s>3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 23:52, 14 July 2018 (UTC)</s> --> ; 2024 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> The [[choice]] we make in [[2024 United States presidential election|this election]] will shape the [[future]] of [[America]] and the [[world]] for decades to come. I [[believe]] that with all my [[soul]]. I know that millions of my fellow Americans believe it as well. And some have a different view as to the direction our country should take. Disagreement is inevitable in American [[democracy]]. It is part of [[human nature]]. [[Politics]] must never be a killing field. I believe politics ought to be an arena for [[peaceful]] [[debate]], to pursue [[justice]], to make decisions guided by the [[Declaration of Independence]] and [[United States Constitution|our constitution]]. We stand for an America not of extremism and fury, but of [[decency]] and [[grace]]. All of us now face a time of [[testing]] as the election approaches. The higher the stakes, the more fervent the [[passion]] becomes. This places an added burden on each of us to ensure no matter how strong our convictions, we must never descend into [[violence]]. | author = Joe Biden }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:27, 15 July 2024 (UTC); recent remarks on recent events --> ; 2025 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> The [[tradition]] of the [[oppressed]] [[teaches]] us that the "state of emergency" in which we live is not the exception but the [[rule]]. | author = Walter Benjamin }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 23:52, 14 July 2025 (UTC) <s>3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 10:36, 14 July 2015 (UTC) </s> --> ; 2026 : ''[[July 15|Rank or add further suggestions…]]'' ---- <noinclude> <!-- ---- '''Quotes by people born this day, already used as QOTD:''' --> ---- {{QOTD Ranking}} ---- ---- == Suggestions == More glorious to merit a sceptre than to possess one ~ [[Napoleon Bonaparte]] who surrendered on July 15th. * 3 ~ [[User:MosheZadka|MosheZadka]] [[User talk:MosheZadka|(Talk)]] 09:06, 25 Jun 2005 (UTC) * 1 [[User:Jeffq|Jeff Q]]&nbsp;[[User talk:Jeffq|(talk)]] 20:07, 11 July 2006 (UTC) * 2 '''[[User:Sceptre|Will]]''' ^{{[[User talk:Sceptre|talk]])} 23:42, 14 July 2007 (UTC) * 2 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 06:19, 24 April 2008 (UTC) * 2 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 07:33, 10 July 2013 (UTC) ---- A king should sacrifice the best affections of his heart for the good of his country; no sacrifice should be above his determination. ~ [[Napoleon Bonaparte]] * 3 [[User:AllanHainey|AllanHainey]] June 27, 2005 11:40 (UTC) * 3 [[User:Jeffq|Jeff Q]]&nbsp;[[User talk:Jeffq|(talk)]] 20:07, 11 July 2006 (UTC) * 3 '''[[User:Sceptre|Will]]''' ^{{[[User talk:Sceptre|talk]])} 23:42, 14 July 2007 (UTC) * 1 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 06:19, 24 April 2008 (UTC) * 3 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 07:33, 10 July 2013 (UTC) ---- I ran for governor to find out if the American dream still exists in anyone's heart other than mine. I'm living proof that the myths aren't true. The candidate with the most money isn't always the one who wins. You don't have to be a career politician to serve in public office. ~ [[Jesse Ventura]] (date of birth) * 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 06:10, 14 July 2005 (UTC) * 2 [[User:Jeffq|Jeff Q]]&nbsp;[[User talk:Jeffq|(talk)]] 20:07, 11 July 2006 (UTC) * 2 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 23:31, 14 July 2007 (UTC) * 1 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 06:19, 24 April 2008 (UTC) * 2.5 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 07:33, 10 July 2013 (UTC) ---- A well-wrapped statistic is better than Hitler's "big lie"; it misleads, yet it cannot be pinned on you. ~ [[How to Lie with Statistics|Darrell Huff]] (date of birth) * 3 [[User:Ningauble|Ningauble]] 17:22, 30 October 2008 (UTC) * 1 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 05:03, 3 July 2009 (UTC) * 2 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 17:17, 14 July 2009 (UTC) with a lean toward 3. * 3 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 07:33, 10 July 2013 (UTC) ---- There is terror in numbers... Perhaps we suffer from a trauma induced by grade-school arithmetic. ~ [[How to Lie with Statistics|Darrell Huff]] (date of birth) * 3 [[User:Ningauble|Ningauble]] 17:22, 30 October 2008 (UTC) * 2 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 05:03, 3 July 2009 (UTC) * 2 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 17:17, 14 July 2009 (UTC) * 2 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 07:33, 10 July 2013 (UTC) ---- He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man ~ [[Samuel Johnson|Dr Johnson]] : {{unsigned|D is for d}} * 1 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 22:33, 14 July 2009 (UTC) no clear relation to the date * 2 if it is on the correct date. - [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 18:13, 21 August 2009 (UTC) * 2 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 07:33, 10 July 2013 (UTC) ---- If you can't prove what you want to prove, demonstrate something else and pretend they are the same thing. In the daze that follows the collision of statistics with the human mind, hardly anyone will notice the difference. ~ [[How to Lie with Statistics|Darrell Huff]] * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 19:29, 6 July 2012 (UTC) with a lean toward 4. * 3 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 07:33, 10 July 2013 (UTC) ---- {{quote of the day | quote = There is a secret agreement between past generations and the present one. Our coming was expected on earth. Like every generation that preceded us, we have been endowed with a weak Messianic power, a [[power]] to which the past has a claim. That claim cannot be settled cheaply. | author = Walter Benjamin }} * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:27, 15 July 2017 (UTC) ---- {{quote of the day | quote = Everyone who achieves strives for totality, and the value of his achievement lies in that totality — that is, in the fact that the whole, undivided nature of a human being should be expressed in his achievement. But when determined by our society, as we see it today, achievement does not express a totality; it is completely fragmented and derivative. It is not uncommon for the community to be the site where a joint and covert struggle is waged against higher ambitions and more personal goals. ... The socially relevant achievement of the average person serves in the vast majority of cases to repress the original and nonderivative, inner aspirations of the human being. | author = Walter Benjamin }} * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:11, 15 July 2018 (UTC) ---- {{quote of the day | quote = The enslavement of language in prattle is joined by the enslavement of things in folly almost as its inevitable consequence. | author = Walter Benjamin }} * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:11, 15 July 2018 (UTC) ---- {{quote of the day | quote = Of all the ways of acquiring books, writing them oneself is regarded as the most praiseworthy method. … Writers are really people who write books not because they are poor, but because they are dissatisfied with the books which they could buy but do not like. | author = Walter Benjamin }} * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:11, 15 July 2018 (UTC) ---- <!-- interwiki start --> <!-- interwiki end --> </noinclude> 7lzqtptq5ml2k8e6d4zzat9ng2b6eg2 3778953 3778940 2025-07-15T00:44:27Z Kalki 71 /* Suggestions */ add more quotes by [[Walter Benjamin]] 3778953 wikitext text/x-wiki <div id="15" style="margin: 1em 0em; border: thin solid black; padding: 3px; background-color:#CFE5FF;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122); font: bold 14pt sans-serif;">[[Category:Days]][[w:July 15|July 15]]</div> <noinclude>'''Quotes of the day''' from previous years:</noinclude> ; 2003 : Most people would rather die than think; in fact, they do so. ~ [[Bertrand Russell]] :* selected by [[User:Nanobug|Nanobug]] ;2004 : Thar’s only two possibilities: Thar is life out there in the universe which is smarter than we are, or we’re the most intelligent life in the universe. Either way, it’s a mighty sobering thought. ~ [[Walt Kelly]] :* selected by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ; 2005 : Eternal vigilance must be maintained to guard against those who seek to stifle ideas, establish a narrow orthodoxy, and divide our nation along arbitrary lines of race, ethnicity, and religious belief or non-belief. ~ [[Jesse Ventura]] (born 15 July 1951) :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ; 2006 : Patriotism is voluntary. It is a feeling of loyalty and allegiance that is the result of knowledge and belief. A patriot shows their patriotism through their actions, by their choice... No law will make a citizen a patriot. ~ [[Jesse Ventura]] :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 06:10, 14 July 2005 (UTC) * 4 [[User:Jeffq|Jeff Q]]&nbsp;[[User talk:Jeffq|(talk)]] 20:07, 11 July 2006 (UTC). Possibly trim down to the last two lines, or even the last sentence. [took yhis suggestion to the extent of trimming off "I believe patriotism comes from the heart..."] --> ; 2007 : Love is the extremely difficult realisation that something other than oneself is real. Love, and so art and morals, is the discovery of reality. ~ [[Iris Murdoch]] (born 15 July 1919) :* proposed by [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] <!-- * 4 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 23:31, 14 July 2007 (UTC) * '''[[User:Sceptre|Will]]''' ^{{[[User talk:Sceptre|talk]])} 23:42, 14 July 2007 (UTC) * 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 00:03, 15 July 2007 (UTC) --> ; 2008 : Try to put well in practice what you already know; and in so doing, you will in good time, discover the hidden things which you now inquire about. Practice what you know, and it will help to make clear what now you do not know. ~ [[Rembrandt]] (born 15 July 1606) :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] <!-- * 4 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 00:03, 15 July 2007 (UTC) * 3 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 06:19, 24 April 2008 (UTC) * 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 23:32, 14 July 2008 (UTC) --> ; 2009 : Choose only one master — Nature. ~ [[Rembrandt]] :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] <!-- * 4 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 17:17, 14 July 2009 (UTC) <s>* 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 00:03, 15 July 2007 (UTC)</s> * 2 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 06:19, 24 April 2008 (UTC) * 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 23:32, 14 July 2008 (UTC) --> ; 2010 : There is no document of civilization which is not at the same time a document of barbarism. ~ [[Walter Benjamin]] :* proposed by [[User: Zarbon|Zarbon]] <!-- * 3 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 05:13, 21 May 2008 (UTC) * 4 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 23:32, 14 July 2008 (UTC) * 2 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 17:17, 14 July 2009 (UTC) --> ; 2011 : It is a curious thing, Harry, but perhaps those who are best suited to power are those who have never sought it. ~ [[J. K. Rowling]] in ''[[Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows]]'' (opening day of final film in the [[Harry Potter (series)|Harry Potter series]] 15 July 2011) :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] <!-- * 4 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 01:45, 3 July 2011 (UTC) --> ; 2012 : {{quote of the day | quote = There's a [[Greatness|great]] [[Necessity|need]] in our [[government]] right now for [[honesty]]. I speak my [[mind]]. You might not always like what you [[Hearing|hear]], but you're gonna hear it anyway. I call it like I see it; I tell the [[truth]]. And if I don't [[Knowledge|know]] something, I'll say so. Then I'll [[Effort|try]] to find the answer. | author = Jesse Ventura }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] <!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 19:29, 6 July 2012 (UTC) <s>3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 06:10, 14 July 2005 (UTC) with a strong lean toward 4.</s> * 3 [[User:Jeffq|Jeff Q]]&nbsp;[[User talk:Jeffq|(talk)]] 20:07, 11 July 2006 (UTC) * 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 23:31, 14 July 2007 (UTC) * 1 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 06:19, 24 April 2008 (UTC) --> ; 2013 {{quote of the day | quote = This is how one pictures the [[angel]] of [[history]]. His [[face]] is turned toward the [[past]]. Where we perceive a chain of events, he sees one single catastrophe which keeps piling wreckage upon wreckage and hurls it in front of his feet. The angel would like to stay, awaken the [[dead]], and make whole what has been smashed. But a [[storm]] is blowing in from [[Paradise]]; it has got caught in his wings with such [[violence]] that the angel can no longer close them. This storm irresistibly propels him into the [[future]] to which his back is turned, while the pile of debris before him grows [[Sky|skyward]]. This storm is what we call [[progress]]. | author = Walter Benjamin }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] <!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 10:53, 13 July 2013 (UTC) <s>3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 11:17, 11 July 2010 (UTC) with a strong lean toward 4. * 4 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 11:33, 11 July 2010 (UTC) </s> * 3 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 07:33, 10 July 2013 (UTC) --> ; 2014 {{quote of the day | quote = Only a thoughtless observer can deny that correspondences come into play between the [[world]] of modern [[technology]] and the archaic [[symbol]]-world of [[mythology]]. | author = Walter Benjamin }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 21:49, 13 July 2014 (UTC) <s>3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 11:17, 11 July 2010 (UTC) with a strong lean toward 4.</s> * 3 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 07:33, 10 July 2013 (UTC) --> ; 2015 {{quote of the day | quote = In every [[era]] the attempt must be made anew to wrest [[tradition]] away from a [[conformism]] that is about to overpower it. The [[Messiah]] comes not only as the [[redeemer]], he comes as the subduer of [[Antichrist]]. Only that [[historian]] will have the [[gift]] of fanning the spark of [[hope]] in the [[past]] who is firmly convinced that ''even the [[dead]]'' will not be safe from [[Evil|the enemy]] if he [[wins]]. And this enemy has not ceased to be [[victorious]]. | author = Walter Benjamin }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 10:36, 14 July 2015 (UTC) --> ; 2016 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> In the fields with which we are concerned [[knowledge]] [[exists]] only in [[lightning]] flashes. The text is the [[thunder]] rolling long afterwards. | author = Walter Benjamin }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 07:49, 14 July 2016 (UTC) <s>3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 10:36, 14 July 2015 (UTC)</s> --> ; 2017 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> We [[know]] that the [[Jews]] were prohibited from [[investigating]] the [[future]]. The [[w:Torah|Torah]] and the [[prayers]] instruct them in [[remembrance]], however. This stripped the future of its [[magic]], to which all those succumb who turn to the soothsayers for [[enlightenment]]. This did not imply, however, that for the Jews the future turned into homogeneous empty time. For every second of [[time]] was the strait gate through which the [[Messiah]] might enter. | author = Walter Benjamin }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 23:53, 14 July 2017 (UTC) <s> 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 10:36, 14 July 2015 (UTC)</s> --> ; 2018 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> To articulate what is [[past]] does not mean to recognize "how it really was." It means to take control of a [[memory]], as it flashes in a [[moment]] of [[danger]]. For [[historical]] [[materialism]] it is a question of holding fast to a picture of the past, just as if it had unexpectedly thrust itself, in a [[Crisis|moment of danger]], on the historical subject. The danger threatens the stock of [[tradition]] as much as its recipients. For both it is one and the same: handing itself over as the tool of the [[ruling]] [[classes]]. In every epoch, the attempt must be made to deliver tradition anew from the [[conformism]] which is on the point of overwhelming it. For the [[Messiah]] arrives not merely as the [[Redeemer]]; he also arrives as the vanquisher of the [[w:Anti-christ|Anti-christ]]. The only writer of history with the gift of setting alight the sparks of [[hope]] in the past, is the one who is convinced of this: that not even the [[dead]] will be [[safe]] from the [[enemy]], if he is [[victorious]]. And this enemy has not ceased to be victorious. | author = Walter Benjamin }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 23:29, 14 July 2018 (UTC) <s>g3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:27, 15 July 2017 (UTC)</s> --> ; 2019 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> Every [[expression]] of [[human]] [[mental]] [[life]] can be understood as a kind of [[language]], and this [[understanding]], in the manner of a [[true]] [[method]], everywhere raises new [[questions]]. | author = Walter Benjamin }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:17, 15 July 2019 (UTC) <s>3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:11, 15 July 2018 (UTC)</s> --> ; 2020 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> In what [[time]] does man [[live]]? The thinkers have always [[known]] that he does not live in any time at all. The [[immortality]] of [[thoughts]] and [[deeds]] banishes him to a timeless realm at whose [[heart]] an inscrutable [[death]] lies in wait. ... Devoured by the countless demands of the [[moment]], time slipped away from him; the medium in which the pure melody of his [[youth]] would swell was destroyed. The fulfilled [[tranquility]] in which his late [[maturity]] would ripen was stolen from him. It was purloined by everyday [[reality]], which, with its [[events]], [[chance]] occurrences, and [[obligations]], disrupted the myriad opportunities of youthful time, immortal time. ... From day to day, second to second, the [[self]] preserves itself, clinging to that instrument: time, the instrument that it was supposed to play. | author = Walter Benjamin }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 03:52, 15 July 2020 (UTC) <s>3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:11, 15 July 2018 (UTC)</s> --> ; 2021 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> All [[purposeful]] manifestations of [[life]], including their very purposiveness, in the final [[analysis]] have their [[end]] not in life but in the expression of its [[nature]], in the representation of its [[significance]]. | author = Walter Benjamin }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 23:44, 14 July 2021 (UTC) <s> 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 23:52, 14 July 2018 (UTC) </s> --> ; 2022 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> A [[painting]] is [[finished]] when the [[artist]] says [[w:Sayings_of_Jesus_on_the_cross#6._It_is_finished|it is finished]]. | author = Rembrandt }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 19:29, 14 July 2022 (UTC) <s> 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 11:33, 11 July 2010 (UTC) </s> * 3 [[User:Pajicz|Pajicz]] ([[User talk:Pajicz|talk]]) 12:35, 8 April 2013 (UTC) Strong, but simple. * 3 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 07:33, 10 July 2013 (UTC) --> ; 2023 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> Because he never raises his eyes to the [[great]] and the [[meaningful]], [[Philistinism|the philistine]] has taken [[experience]] as his [[gospel]]. It has become for him a [[message]] about [[life]]'s commonness. But he has never grasped that there [[exists]] something other than experience, that there are [[values]] — inexperienceable — which we [[serve]]. | author = Walter Benjamin }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:34, 15 July 2023 (UTC) <s>3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 23:52, 14 July 2018 (UTC)</s> --> ; 2024 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> The [[choice]] we make in [[2024 United States presidential election|this election]] will shape the [[future]] of [[America]] and the [[world]] for decades to come. I [[believe]] that with all my [[soul]]. I know that millions of my fellow Americans believe it as well. And some have a different view as to the direction our country should take. Disagreement is inevitable in American [[democracy]]. It is part of [[human nature]]. [[Politics]] must never be a killing field. I believe politics ought to be an arena for [[peaceful]] [[debate]], to pursue [[justice]], to make decisions guided by the [[Declaration of Independence]] and [[United States Constitution|our constitution]]. We stand for an America not of extremism and fury, but of [[decency]] and [[grace]]. All of us now face a time of [[testing]] as the election approaches. The higher the stakes, the more fervent the [[passion]] becomes. This places an added burden on each of us to ensure no matter how strong our convictions, we must never descend into [[violence]]. | author = Joe Biden }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:27, 15 July 2024 (UTC); recent remarks on recent events --> ; 2025 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> The [[tradition]] of the [[oppressed]] [[teaches]] us that the "state of emergency" in which we live is not the exception but the [[rule]]. | author = Walter Benjamin }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 23:52, 14 July 2025 (UTC) <s>3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 10:36, 14 July 2015 (UTC) </s> --> ; 2026 : ''[[July 15|Rank or add further suggestions…]]'' ---- <noinclude> <!-- ---- '''Quotes by people born this day, already used as QOTD:''' --> ---- {{QOTD Ranking}} ---- ---- == Suggestions == More glorious to merit a sceptre than to possess one ~ [[Napoleon Bonaparte]] who surrendered on July 15th. * 3 ~ [[User:MosheZadka|MosheZadka]] [[User talk:MosheZadka|(Talk)]] 09:06, 25 Jun 2005 (UTC) * 1 [[User:Jeffq|Jeff Q]]&nbsp;[[User talk:Jeffq|(talk)]] 20:07, 11 July 2006 (UTC) * 2 '''[[User:Sceptre|Will]]''' ^{{[[User talk:Sceptre|talk]])} 23:42, 14 July 2007 (UTC) * 2 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 06:19, 24 April 2008 (UTC) * 2 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 07:33, 10 July 2013 (UTC) ---- A king should sacrifice the best affections of his heart for the good of his country; no sacrifice should be above his determination. ~ [[Napoleon Bonaparte]] * 3 [[User:AllanHainey|AllanHainey]] June 27, 2005 11:40 (UTC) * 3 [[User:Jeffq|Jeff Q]]&nbsp;[[User talk:Jeffq|(talk)]] 20:07, 11 July 2006 (UTC) * 3 '''[[User:Sceptre|Will]]''' ^{{[[User talk:Sceptre|talk]])} 23:42, 14 July 2007 (UTC) * 1 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 06:19, 24 April 2008 (UTC) * 3 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 07:33, 10 July 2013 (UTC) ---- I ran for governor to find out if the American dream still exists in anyone's heart other than mine. I'm living proof that the myths aren't true. The candidate with the most money isn't always the one who wins. You don't have to be a career politician to serve in public office. ~ [[Jesse Ventura]] (date of birth) * 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 06:10, 14 July 2005 (UTC) * 2 [[User:Jeffq|Jeff Q]]&nbsp;[[User talk:Jeffq|(talk)]] 20:07, 11 July 2006 (UTC) * 2 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 23:31, 14 July 2007 (UTC) * 1 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 06:19, 24 April 2008 (UTC) * 2.5 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 07:33, 10 July 2013 (UTC) ---- A well-wrapped statistic is better than Hitler's "big lie"; it misleads, yet it cannot be pinned on you. ~ [[How to Lie with Statistics|Darrell Huff]] (date of birth) * 3 [[User:Ningauble|Ningauble]] 17:22, 30 October 2008 (UTC) * 1 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 05:03, 3 July 2009 (UTC) * 2 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 17:17, 14 July 2009 (UTC) with a lean toward 3. * 3 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 07:33, 10 July 2013 (UTC) ---- There is terror in numbers... Perhaps we suffer from a trauma induced by grade-school arithmetic. ~ [[How to Lie with Statistics|Darrell Huff]] (date of birth) * 3 [[User:Ningauble|Ningauble]] 17:22, 30 October 2008 (UTC) * 2 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 05:03, 3 July 2009 (UTC) * 2 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 17:17, 14 July 2009 (UTC) * 2 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 07:33, 10 July 2013 (UTC) ---- He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man ~ [[Samuel Johnson|Dr Johnson]] : {{unsigned|D is for d}} * 1 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 22:33, 14 July 2009 (UTC) no clear relation to the date * 2 if it is on the correct date. - [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 18:13, 21 August 2009 (UTC) * 2 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 07:33, 10 July 2013 (UTC) ---- If you can't prove what you want to prove, demonstrate something else and pretend they are the same thing. In the daze that follows the collision of statistics with the human mind, hardly anyone will notice the difference. ~ [[How to Lie with Statistics|Darrell Huff]] * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 19:29, 6 July 2012 (UTC) with a lean toward 4. * 3 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 07:33, 10 July 2013 (UTC) ---- {{quote of the day | quote = There is a secret agreement between past generations and the present one. Our coming was expected on earth. Like every generation that preceded us, we have been endowed with a weak Messianic power, a [[power]] to which the past has a claim. That claim cannot be settled cheaply. | author = Walter Benjamin }} * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:27, 15 July 2017 (UTC) ---- {{quote of the day | quote = Everyone who achieves strives for totality, and the value of his achievement lies in that totality — that is, in the fact that the whole, undivided nature of a human being should be expressed in his achievement. But when determined by our society, as we see it today, achievement does not express a totality; it is completely fragmented and derivative. It is not uncommon for the community to be the site where a joint and covert struggle is waged against higher ambitions and more personal goals. ... The socially relevant achievement of the average person serves in the vast majority of cases to repress the original and nonderivative, inner aspirations of the human being. | author = Walter Benjamin }} * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:11, 15 July 2018 (UTC) ---- {{quote of the day | quote = The enslavement of language in prattle is joined by the enslavement of things in folly almost as its inevitable consequence. | author = Walter Benjamin }} * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:11, 15 July 2018 (UTC) ---- {{quote of the day | quote = Of all the ways of acquiring books, writing them oneself is regarded as the most praiseworthy method. … Writers are really people who write books not because they are poor, but because they are dissatisfied with the books which they could buy but do not like. | author = Walter Benjamin }} * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:11, 15 July 2018 (UTC) ---- {{quote of the day | quote = The true sign of decadence is not the collusion of the university and the state (something that is by no means incompatible with honest barbarity), but the theory and guarantee of academic freedom, when in reality people assume with brutal simplicity that the aim of study is to steer its disciples to a socially conceived individuality. | author = Walter Benjamin }} * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:44, 15 July 2025 (UTC) ---- {{quote of the day | quote = The destructive character knows only one watchword: make room. And only one activity: clearing away. His need for fresh air and open space is stronger than any hatred. | author = Walter Benjamin }} * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:44, 15 July 2025 (UTC) ---- {{quote of the day | quote = For the Romantics and for speculative philosophy, ... to be critical meant to elevate thinking so far beyond all restrictive conditions that the knowledge of truth sprang forth magically, as it were, from insight into the falsehood of these restrictions. | author = Walter Benjamin }} * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:44, 15 July 2025 (UTC) ---- {{quote of the day | quote = The critic does not pass judgment on the work; rather, art itself passes judgment, either by taking up the work in the medium of criticism or by rejecting it and thereby appraising it as beneath all criticism | author = Walter Benjamin }} * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:44, 15 July 2025 (UTC) ---- {{quote of the day | quote = One might, for example, speak of an unforgettable life or moment even if all men had forgotten it. If the nature of such a life or moment required that it be unforgotten, that predicate would imply not a falsehood but merely a claim unfulfilled by men, and probably also a reference to a realm in which it is fulfilled: God's remembrance. | author = Walter Benjamin }} * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:44, 15 July 2025 (UTC) ---- {{quote of the day | quote = All purposeful manifestations of life, including their very purposiveness, in the final analysis have their end not in life but in the expression of its nature, in the representation of its significance. | author = Walter Benjamin }} * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:44, 15 July 2025 (UTC) ---- {{quote of the day | quote = Capitalism is presumably the first case of a blaming, rather than a repenting cult. ... An enormous feeling of guilt not itself knowing how to repent, grasps at the cult, not in order to repent for this guilt, but to make it universal, to hammer it into consciousness and finally and above all to include God himself in this guilt. | author = Walter Benjamin }} * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:44, 15 July 2025 (UTC) ---- {{quote of the day | quote = Where the presence of truth should be possible, it can be possible solely under the condition of the recognition of myth—that is, the recognition of its crushing indifference to truth. | author = Walter Benjamin }} * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:44, 15 July 2025 (UTC) ---- {{quote of the day | quote = A curious paradox: people have only the narrowest private interest in mind when they act, yet they are at the same time more than ever determined in their behavior by the instincts of the mass. ... The diversity of individual goals is immaterial in face of the identity of the determining forces. | author = Walter Benjamin }} * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:44, 15 July 2025 (UTC) ---- {{quote of the day | quote = [[Nothing]] that has ever happened should be regarded as lost for [[history]].''' To be sure, only a redeemed mankind receives the fullness of its past — which is to say, only a redeemed mankind has its past become citable in all its moments. Each moment it has lived becomes a ''citation à l'ordre du jour'' — and that day is [[Judgement Day]]. | author = Walter Benjamin }} * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:44, 15 July 2025 (UTC) ---- {{quote of the day | quote = History breaks down in images not into stories. | author = Walter Benjamin }} * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:44, 15 July 2025 (UTC) ---- <!-- interwiki start --> <!-- interwiki end --> </noinclude> mm2fpglmx1f48vdrq1twz5uk5jc5ukc 3778954 3778953 2025-07-15T00:45:11Z Kalki 71 /* Suggestions */ 3778954 wikitext text/x-wiki <div id="15" style="margin: 1em 0em; border: thin solid black; padding: 3px; background-color:#CFE5FF;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122); font: bold 14pt sans-serif;">[[Category:Days]][[w:July 15|July 15]]</div> <noinclude>'''Quotes of the day''' from previous years:</noinclude> ; 2003 : Most people would rather die than think; in fact, they do so. ~ [[Bertrand Russell]] :* selected by [[User:Nanobug|Nanobug]] ;2004 : Thar’s only two possibilities: Thar is life out there in the universe which is smarter than we are, or we’re the most intelligent life in the universe. Either way, it’s a mighty sobering thought. ~ [[Walt Kelly]] :* selected by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ; 2005 : Eternal vigilance must be maintained to guard against those who seek to stifle ideas, establish a narrow orthodoxy, and divide our nation along arbitrary lines of race, ethnicity, and religious belief or non-belief. ~ [[Jesse Ventura]] (born 15 July 1951) :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ; 2006 : Patriotism is voluntary. It is a feeling of loyalty and allegiance that is the result of knowledge and belief. A patriot shows their patriotism through their actions, by their choice... No law will make a citizen a patriot. ~ [[Jesse Ventura]] :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 06:10, 14 July 2005 (UTC) * 4 [[User:Jeffq|Jeff Q]]&nbsp;[[User talk:Jeffq|(talk)]] 20:07, 11 July 2006 (UTC). Possibly trim down to the last two lines, or even the last sentence. [took yhis suggestion to the extent of trimming off "I believe patriotism comes from the heart..."] --> ; 2007 : Love is the extremely difficult realisation that something other than oneself is real. Love, and so art and morals, is the discovery of reality. ~ [[Iris Murdoch]] (born 15 July 1919) :* proposed by [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] <!-- * 4 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 23:31, 14 July 2007 (UTC) * '''[[User:Sceptre|Will]]''' ^{{[[User talk:Sceptre|talk]])} 23:42, 14 July 2007 (UTC) * 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 00:03, 15 July 2007 (UTC) --> ; 2008 : Try to put well in practice what you already know; and in so doing, you will in good time, discover the hidden things which you now inquire about. Practice what you know, and it will help to make clear what now you do not know. ~ [[Rembrandt]] (born 15 July 1606) :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] <!-- * 4 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 00:03, 15 July 2007 (UTC) * 3 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 06:19, 24 April 2008 (UTC) * 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 23:32, 14 July 2008 (UTC) --> ; 2009 : Choose only one master — Nature. ~ [[Rembrandt]] :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] <!-- * 4 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 17:17, 14 July 2009 (UTC) <s>* 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 00:03, 15 July 2007 (UTC)</s> * 2 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 06:19, 24 April 2008 (UTC) * 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 23:32, 14 July 2008 (UTC) --> ; 2010 : There is no document of civilization which is not at the same time a document of barbarism. ~ [[Walter Benjamin]] :* proposed by [[User: Zarbon|Zarbon]] <!-- * 3 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 05:13, 21 May 2008 (UTC) * 4 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 23:32, 14 July 2008 (UTC) * 2 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 17:17, 14 July 2009 (UTC) --> ; 2011 : It is a curious thing, Harry, but perhaps those who are best suited to power are those who have never sought it. ~ [[J. K. Rowling]] in ''[[Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows]]'' (opening day of final film in the [[Harry Potter (series)|Harry Potter series]] 15 July 2011) :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] <!-- * 4 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 01:45, 3 July 2011 (UTC) --> ; 2012 : {{quote of the day | quote = There's a [[Greatness|great]] [[Necessity|need]] in our [[government]] right now for [[honesty]]. I speak my [[mind]]. You might not always like what you [[Hearing|hear]], but you're gonna hear it anyway. I call it like I see it; I tell the [[truth]]. And if I don't [[Knowledge|know]] something, I'll say so. Then I'll [[Effort|try]] to find the answer. | author = Jesse Ventura }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] <!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 19:29, 6 July 2012 (UTC) <s>3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 06:10, 14 July 2005 (UTC) with a strong lean toward 4.</s> * 3 [[User:Jeffq|Jeff Q]]&nbsp;[[User talk:Jeffq|(talk)]] 20:07, 11 July 2006 (UTC) * 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 23:31, 14 July 2007 (UTC) * 1 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 06:19, 24 April 2008 (UTC) --> ; 2013 {{quote of the day | quote = This is how one pictures the [[angel]] of [[history]]. His [[face]] is turned toward the [[past]]. Where we perceive a chain of events, he sees one single catastrophe which keeps piling wreckage upon wreckage and hurls it in front of his feet. The angel would like to stay, awaken the [[dead]], and make whole what has been smashed. But a [[storm]] is blowing in from [[Paradise]]; it has got caught in his wings with such [[violence]] that the angel can no longer close them. This storm irresistibly propels him into the [[future]] to which his back is turned, while the pile of debris before him grows [[Sky|skyward]]. This storm is what we call [[progress]]. | author = Walter Benjamin }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] <!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 10:53, 13 July 2013 (UTC) <s>3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 11:17, 11 July 2010 (UTC) with a strong lean toward 4. * 4 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 11:33, 11 July 2010 (UTC) </s> * 3 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 07:33, 10 July 2013 (UTC) --> ; 2014 {{quote of the day | quote = Only a thoughtless observer can deny that correspondences come into play between the [[world]] of modern [[technology]] and the archaic [[symbol]]-world of [[mythology]]. | author = Walter Benjamin }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 21:49, 13 July 2014 (UTC) <s>3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 11:17, 11 July 2010 (UTC) with a strong lean toward 4.</s> * 3 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 07:33, 10 July 2013 (UTC) --> ; 2015 {{quote of the day | quote = In every [[era]] the attempt must be made anew to wrest [[tradition]] away from a [[conformism]] that is about to overpower it. The [[Messiah]] comes not only as the [[redeemer]], he comes as the subduer of [[Antichrist]]. Only that [[historian]] will have the [[gift]] of fanning the spark of [[hope]] in the [[past]] who is firmly convinced that ''even the [[dead]]'' will not be safe from [[Evil|the enemy]] if he [[wins]]. And this enemy has not ceased to be [[victorious]]. | author = Walter Benjamin }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 10:36, 14 July 2015 (UTC) --> ; 2016 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> In the fields with which we are concerned [[knowledge]] [[exists]] only in [[lightning]] flashes. The text is the [[thunder]] rolling long afterwards. | author = Walter Benjamin }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 07:49, 14 July 2016 (UTC) <s>3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 10:36, 14 July 2015 (UTC)</s> --> ; 2017 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> We [[know]] that the [[Jews]] were prohibited from [[investigating]] the [[future]]. The [[w:Torah|Torah]] and the [[prayers]] instruct them in [[remembrance]], however. This stripped the future of its [[magic]], to which all those succumb who turn to the soothsayers for [[enlightenment]]. This did not imply, however, that for the Jews the future turned into homogeneous empty time. For every second of [[time]] was the strait gate through which the [[Messiah]] might enter. | author = Walter Benjamin }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 23:53, 14 July 2017 (UTC) <s> 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 10:36, 14 July 2015 (UTC)</s> --> ; 2018 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> To articulate what is [[past]] does not mean to recognize "how it really was." It means to take control of a [[memory]], as it flashes in a [[moment]] of [[danger]]. For [[historical]] [[materialism]] it is a question of holding fast to a picture of the past, just as if it had unexpectedly thrust itself, in a [[Crisis|moment of danger]], on the historical subject. The danger threatens the stock of [[tradition]] as much as its recipients. For both it is one and the same: handing itself over as the tool of the [[ruling]] [[classes]]. In every epoch, the attempt must be made to deliver tradition anew from the [[conformism]] which is on the point of overwhelming it. For the [[Messiah]] arrives not merely as the [[Redeemer]]; he also arrives as the vanquisher of the [[w:Anti-christ|Anti-christ]]. The only writer of history with the gift of setting alight the sparks of [[hope]] in the past, is the one who is convinced of this: that not even the [[dead]] will be [[safe]] from the [[enemy]], if he is [[victorious]]. And this enemy has not ceased to be victorious. | author = Walter Benjamin }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 23:29, 14 July 2018 (UTC) <s>g3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:27, 15 July 2017 (UTC)</s> --> ; 2019 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> Every [[expression]] of [[human]] [[mental]] [[life]] can be understood as a kind of [[language]], and this [[understanding]], in the manner of a [[true]] [[method]], everywhere raises new [[questions]]. | author = Walter Benjamin }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:17, 15 July 2019 (UTC) <s>3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:11, 15 July 2018 (UTC)</s> --> ; 2020 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> In what [[time]] does man [[live]]? The thinkers have always [[known]] that he does not live in any time at all. The [[immortality]] of [[thoughts]] and [[deeds]] banishes him to a timeless realm at whose [[heart]] an inscrutable [[death]] lies in wait. ... Devoured by the countless demands of the [[moment]], time slipped away from him; the medium in which the pure melody of his [[youth]] would swell was destroyed. The fulfilled [[tranquility]] in which his late [[maturity]] would ripen was stolen from him. It was purloined by everyday [[reality]], which, with its [[events]], [[chance]] occurrences, and [[obligations]], disrupted the myriad opportunities of youthful time, immortal time. ... From day to day, second to second, the [[self]] preserves itself, clinging to that instrument: time, the instrument that it was supposed to play. | author = Walter Benjamin }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 03:52, 15 July 2020 (UTC) <s>3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:11, 15 July 2018 (UTC)</s> --> ; 2021 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> All [[purposeful]] manifestations of [[life]], including their very purposiveness, in the final [[analysis]] have their [[end]] not in life but in the expression of its [[nature]], in the representation of its [[significance]]. | author = Walter Benjamin }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 23:44, 14 July 2021 (UTC) <s> 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 23:52, 14 July 2018 (UTC) </s> --> ; 2022 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> A [[painting]] is [[finished]] when the [[artist]] says [[w:Sayings_of_Jesus_on_the_cross#6._It_is_finished|it is finished]]. | author = Rembrandt }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 19:29, 14 July 2022 (UTC) <s> 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 11:33, 11 July 2010 (UTC) </s> * 3 [[User:Pajicz|Pajicz]] ([[User talk:Pajicz|talk]]) 12:35, 8 April 2013 (UTC) Strong, but simple. * 3 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 07:33, 10 July 2013 (UTC) --> ; 2023 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> Because he never raises his eyes to the [[great]] and the [[meaningful]], [[Philistinism|the philistine]] has taken [[experience]] as his [[gospel]]. It has become for him a [[message]] about [[life]]'s commonness. But he has never grasped that there [[exists]] something other than experience, that there are [[values]] — inexperienceable — which we [[serve]]. | author = Walter Benjamin }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:34, 15 July 2023 (UTC) <s>3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 23:52, 14 July 2018 (UTC)</s> --> ; 2024 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> The [[choice]] we make in [[2024 United States presidential election|this election]] will shape the [[future]] of [[America]] and the [[world]] for decades to come. I [[believe]] that with all my [[soul]]. I know that millions of my fellow Americans believe it as well. And some have a different view as to the direction our country should take. Disagreement is inevitable in American [[democracy]]. It is part of [[human nature]]. [[Politics]] must never be a killing field. I believe politics ought to be an arena for [[peaceful]] [[debate]], to pursue [[justice]], to make decisions guided by the [[Declaration of Independence]] and [[United States Constitution|our constitution]]. We stand for an America not of extremism and fury, but of [[decency]] and [[grace]]. All of us now face a time of [[testing]] as the election approaches. The higher the stakes, the more fervent the [[passion]] becomes. This places an added burden on each of us to ensure no matter how strong our convictions, we must never descend into [[violence]]. | author = Joe Biden }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:27, 15 July 2024 (UTC); recent remarks on recent events --> ; 2025 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> The [[tradition]] of the [[oppressed]] [[teaches]] us that the "state of emergency" in which we live is not the exception but the [[rule]]. | author = Walter Benjamin }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 23:52, 14 July 2025 (UTC) <s>3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 10:36, 14 July 2015 (UTC) </s> --> ; 2026 : ''[[July 15|Rank or add further suggestions…]]'' ---- <noinclude> <!-- ---- '''Quotes by people born this day, already used as QOTD:''' --> ---- {{QOTD Ranking}} ---- ---- == Suggestions == More glorious to merit a sceptre than to possess one ~ [[Napoleon Bonaparte]] who surrendered on July 15th. * 3 ~ [[User:MosheZadka|MosheZadka]] [[User talk:MosheZadka|(Talk)]] 09:06, 25 Jun 2005 (UTC) * 1 [[User:Jeffq|Jeff Q]]&nbsp;[[User talk:Jeffq|(talk)]] 20:07, 11 July 2006 (UTC) * 2 '''[[User:Sceptre|Will]]''' ^{{[[User talk:Sceptre|talk]])} 23:42, 14 July 2007 (UTC) * 2 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 06:19, 24 April 2008 (UTC) * 2 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 07:33, 10 July 2013 (UTC) ---- A king should sacrifice the best affections of his heart for the good of his country; no sacrifice should be above his determination. ~ [[Napoleon Bonaparte]] * 3 [[User:AllanHainey|AllanHainey]] June 27, 2005 11:40 (UTC) * 3 [[User:Jeffq|Jeff Q]]&nbsp;[[User talk:Jeffq|(talk)]] 20:07, 11 July 2006 (UTC) * 3 '''[[User:Sceptre|Will]]''' ^{{[[User talk:Sceptre|talk]])} 23:42, 14 July 2007 (UTC) * 1 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 06:19, 24 April 2008 (UTC) * 3 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 07:33, 10 July 2013 (UTC) ---- I ran for governor to find out if the American dream still exists in anyone's heart other than mine. I'm living proof that the myths aren't true. The candidate with the most money isn't always the one who wins. You don't have to be a career politician to serve in public office. ~ [[Jesse Ventura]] (date of birth) * 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 06:10, 14 July 2005 (UTC) * 2 [[User:Jeffq|Jeff Q]]&nbsp;[[User talk:Jeffq|(talk)]] 20:07, 11 July 2006 (UTC) * 2 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 23:31, 14 July 2007 (UTC) * 1 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 06:19, 24 April 2008 (UTC) * 2.5 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 07:33, 10 July 2013 (UTC) ---- A well-wrapped statistic is better than Hitler's "big lie"; it misleads, yet it cannot be pinned on you. ~ [[How to Lie with Statistics|Darrell Huff]] (date of birth) * 3 [[User:Ningauble|Ningauble]] 17:22, 30 October 2008 (UTC) * 1 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 05:03, 3 July 2009 (UTC) * 2 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 17:17, 14 July 2009 (UTC) with a lean toward 3. * 3 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 07:33, 10 July 2013 (UTC) ---- There is terror in numbers... Perhaps we suffer from a trauma induced by grade-school arithmetic. ~ [[How to Lie with Statistics|Darrell Huff]] (date of birth) * 3 [[User:Ningauble|Ningauble]] 17:22, 30 October 2008 (UTC) * 2 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 05:03, 3 July 2009 (UTC) * 2 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 17:17, 14 July 2009 (UTC) * 2 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 07:33, 10 July 2013 (UTC) ---- He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man ~ [[Samuel Johnson|Dr Johnson]] : {{unsigned|D is for d}} * 1 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 22:33, 14 July 2009 (UTC) no clear relation to the date * 2 if it is on the correct date. - [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 18:13, 21 August 2009 (UTC) * 2 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 07:33, 10 July 2013 (UTC) ---- If you can't prove what you want to prove, demonstrate something else and pretend they are the same thing. In the daze that follows the collision of statistics with the human mind, hardly anyone will notice the difference. ~ [[How to Lie with Statistics|Darrell Huff]] * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 19:29, 6 July 2012 (UTC) with a lean toward 4. * 3 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 07:33, 10 July 2013 (UTC) ---- {{quote of the day | quote = There is a secret agreement between past generations and the present one. Our coming was expected on earth. Like every generation that preceded us, we have been endowed with a weak Messianic power, a [[power]] to which the past has a claim. That claim cannot be settled cheaply. | author = Walter Benjamin }} * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:27, 15 July 2017 (UTC) ---- {{quote of the day | quote = Everyone who achieves strives for totality, and the value of his achievement lies in that totality — that is, in the fact that the whole, undivided nature of a human being should be expressed in his achievement. But when determined by our society, as we see it today, achievement does not express a totality; it is completely fragmented and derivative. It is not uncommon for the community to be the site where a joint and covert struggle is waged against higher ambitions and more personal goals. ... The socially relevant achievement of the average person serves in the vast majority of cases to repress the original and nonderivative, inner aspirations of the human being. | author = Walter Benjamin }} * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:11, 15 July 2018 (UTC) ---- {{quote of the day | quote = The enslavement of language in prattle is joined by the enslavement of things in folly almost as its inevitable consequence. | author = Walter Benjamin }} * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:11, 15 July 2018 (UTC) ---- {{quote of the day | quote = Of all the ways of acquiring books, writing them oneself is regarded as the most praiseworthy method. … Writers are really people who write books not because they are poor, but because they are dissatisfied with the books which they could buy but do not like. | author = Walter Benjamin }} * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:11, 15 July 2018 (UTC) ---- {{quote of the day | quote = The true sign of decadence is not the collusion of the university and the state (something that is by no means incompatible with honest barbarity), but the theory and guarantee of academic freedom, when in reality people assume with brutal simplicity that the aim of study is to steer its disciples to a socially conceived individuality. | author = Walter Benjamin }} * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:44, 15 July 2025 (UTC) ---- {{quote of the day | quote = The destructive character knows only one watchword: make room. And only one activity: clearing away. His need for fresh air and open space is stronger than any hatred. | author = Walter Benjamin }} * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:44, 15 July 2025 (UTC) ---- {{quote of the day | quote = For the Romantics and for speculative philosophy, ... to be critical meant to elevate thinking so far beyond all restrictive conditions that the knowledge of truth sprang forth magically, as it were, from insight into the falsehood of these restrictions. | author = Walter Benjamin }} * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:44, 15 July 2025 (UTC) ---- {{quote of the day | quote = The critic does not pass judgment on the work; rather, art itself passes judgment, either by taking up the work in the medium of criticism or by rejecting it and thereby appraising it as beneath all criticism | author = Walter Benjamin }} * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:44, 15 July 2025 (UTC) ---- {{quote of the day | quote = One might, for example, speak of an unforgettable life or moment even if all men had forgotten it. If the nature of such a life or moment required that it be unforgotten, that predicate would imply not a falsehood but merely a claim unfulfilled by men, and probably also a reference to a realm in which it is fulfilled: God's remembrance. | author = Walter Benjamin }} * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:44, 15 July 2025 (UTC) ---- {{quote of the day | quote = All purposeful manifestations of life, including their very purposiveness, in the final analysis have their end not in life but in the expression of its nature, in the representation of its significance. | author = Walter Benjamin }} * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:44, 15 July 2025 (UTC) ---- {{quote of the day | quote = Capitalism is presumably the first case of a blaming, rather than a repenting cult. ... An enormous feeling of guilt not itself knowing how to repent, grasps at the cult, not in order to repent for this guilt, but to make it universal, to hammer it into consciousness and finally and above all to include God himself in this guilt. | author = Walter Benjamin }} * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:44, 15 July 2025 (UTC) ---- {{quote of the day | quote = Where the presence of truth should be possible, it can be possible solely under the condition of the recognition of myth—that is, the recognition of its crushing indifference to truth. | author = Walter Benjamin }} * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:44, 15 July 2025 (UTC) ---- {{quote of the day | quote = A curious paradox: people have only the narrowest private interest in mind when they act, yet they are at the same time more than ever determined in their behavior by the instincts of the mass. ... The diversity of individual goals is immaterial in face of the identity of the determining forces. | author = Walter Benjamin }} * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:44, 15 July 2025 (UTC) ---- {{quote of the day | quote = [[Nothing]] that has ever happened should be regarded as lost for [[history]]. To be sure, only a redeemed mankind receives the fullness of its past — which is to say, only a redeemed mankind has its past become citable in all its moments. Each moment it has lived becomes a ''citation à l'ordre du jour'' — and that day is [[Judgement Day]]. | author = Walter Benjamin }} * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:44, 15 July 2025 (UTC) ---- {{quote of the day | quote = History breaks down in images not into stories. | author = Walter Benjamin }} * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:44, 15 July 2025 (UTC) ---- <!-- interwiki start --> <!-- interwiki end --> </noinclude> h74gn9zu94ugxaw9gr7vh5lyd8824ns 3778955 3778954 2025-07-15T00:51:41Z Kalki 71 3778955 wikitext text/x-wiki <div id="15" style="margin: 1em 0em; border: thin solid black; padding: 3px; background-color:#CFE5FF;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122); font: bold 14pt sans-serif;">[[Category:Days]][[w:July 15|July 15]]</div> <noinclude>'''Quotes of the day''' from previous years:</noinclude> ; 2003 : Most people would rather die than think; in fact, they do so. ~ [[Bertrand Russell]] :* selected by [[User:Nanobug|Nanobug]] ;2004 : Thar’s only two possibilities: Thar is life out there in the universe which is smarter than we are, or we’re the most intelligent life in the universe. Either way, it’s a mighty sobering thought. ~ [[Walt Kelly]] :* selected by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ; 2005 : Eternal vigilance must be maintained to guard against those who seek to stifle ideas, establish a narrow orthodoxy, and divide our nation along arbitrary lines of race, ethnicity, and religious belief or non-belief. ~ [[Jesse Ventura]] (born 15 July 1951) :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ; 2006 : Patriotism is voluntary. It is a feeling of loyalty and allegiance that is the result of knowledge and belief. A patriot shows their patriotism through their actions, by their choice... No law will make a citizen a patriot. ~ [[Jesse Ventura]] :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 06:10, 14 July 2005 (UTC) * 4 [[User:Jeffq|Jeff Q]]&nbsp;[[User talk:Jeffq|(talk)]] 20:07, 11 July 2006 (UTC). Possibly trim down to the last two lines, or even the last sentence. [took yhis suggestion to the extent of trimming off "I believe patriotism comes from the heart..."] --> ; 2007 : Love is the extremely difficult realisation that something other than oneself is real. Love, and so art and morals, is the discovery of reality. ~ [[Iris Murdoch]] (born 15 July 1919) :* proposed by [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] <!-- * 4 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 23:31, 14 July 2007 (UTC) * '''[[User:Sceptre|Will]]''' ^{{[[User talk:Sceptre|talk]])} 23:42, 14 July 2007 (UTC) * 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 00:03, 15 July 2007 (UTC) --> ; 2008 : Try to put well in practice what you already know; and in so doing, you will in good time, discover the hidden things which you now inquire about. Practice what you know, and it will help to make clear what now you do not know. ~ [[Rembrandt]] (born 15 July 1606) :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] <!-- * 4 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 00:03, 15 July 2007 (UTC) * 3 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 06:19, 24 April 2008 (UTC) * 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 23:32, 14 July 2008 (UTC) --> ; 2009 : Choose only one master — Nature. ~ [[Rembrandt]] :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] <!-- * 4 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 17:17, 14 July 2009 (UTC) <s>* 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 00:03, 15 July 2007 (UTC)</s> * 2 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 06:19, 24 April 2008 (UTC) * 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 23:32, 14 July 2008 (UTC) --> ; 2010 : There is no document of civilization which is not at the same time a document of barbarism. ~ [[Walter Benjamin]] :* proposed by [[User: Zarbon|Zarbon]] <!-- * 3 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 05:13, 21 May 2008 (UTC) * 4 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 23:32, 14 July 2008 (UTC) * 2 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 17:17, 14 July 2009 (UTC) --> ; 2011 : It is a curious thing, Harry, but perhaps those who are best suited to power are those who have never sought it. ~ [[J. K. Rowling]] in ''[[Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows]]'' (opening day of final film in the [[Harry Potter (series)|Harry Potter series]] 15 July 2011) :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] <!-- * 4 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 01:45, 3 July 2011 (UTC) --> ; 2012 : {{quote of the day | quote = There's a [[Greatness|great]] [[Necessity|need]] in our [[government]] right now for [[honesty]]. I speak my [[mind]]. You might not always like what you [[Hearing|hear]], but you're gonna hear it anyway. I call it like I see it; I tell the [[truth]]. And if I don't [[Knowledge|know]] something, I'll say so. Then I'll [[Effort|try]] to find the answer. | author = Jesse Ventura }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] <!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 19:29, 6 July 2012 (UTC) <s>3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 06:10, 14 July 2005 (UTC) with a strong lean toward 4.</s> * 3 [[User:Jeffq|Jeff Q]]&nbsp;[[User talk:Jeffq|(talk)]] 20:07, 11 July 2006 (UTC) * 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 23:31, 14 July 2007 (UTC) * 1 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 06:19, 24 April 2008 (UTC) --> ; 2013 {{quote of the day | quote = This is how one pictures the [[angel]] of [[history]]. His [[face]] is turned toward the [[past]]. Where we perceive a chain of events, he sees one single catastrophe which keeps piling wreckage upon wreckage and hurls it in front of his feet. The angel would like to stay, awaken the [[dead]], and make whole what has been smashed. But a [[storm]] is blowing in from [[Paradise]]; it has got caught in his wings with such [[violence]] that the angel can no longer close them. This storm irresistibly propels him into the [[future]] to which his back is turned, while the pile of debris before him grows [[Sky|skyward]]. This storm is what we call [[progress]]. | author = Walter Benjamin }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] <!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 10:53, 13 July 2013 (UTC) <s>3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 11:17, 11 July 2010 (UTC) with a strong lean toward 4. * 4 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 11:33, 11 July 2010 (UTC) </s> * 3 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 07:33, 10 July 2013 (UTC) --> ; 2014 {{quote of the day | quote = Only a thoughtless observer can deny that correspondences come into play between the [[world]] of modern [[technology]] and the archaic [[symbol]]-world of [[mythology]]. | author = Walter Benjamin }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 21:49, 13 July 2014 (UTC) <s>3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 11:17, 11 July 2010 (UTC) with a strong lean toward 4.</s> * 3 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 07:33, 10 July 2013 (UTC) --> ; 2015 {{quote of the day | quote = In every [[era]] the attempt must be made anew to wrest [[tradition]] away from a [[conformism]] that is about to overpower it. The [[Messiah]] comes not only as the [[redeemer]], he comes as the subduer of [[Antichrist]]. Only that [[historian]] will have the [[gift]] of fanning the spark of [[hope]] in the [[past]] who is firmly convinced that ''even the [[dead]]'' will not be safe from [[Evil|the enemy]] if he [[wins]]. And this enemy has not ceased to be [[victorious]]. | author = Walter Benjamin }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 10:36, 14 July 2015 (UTC) --> ; 2016 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> In the fields with which we are concerned [[knowledge]] [[exists]] only in [[lightning]] flashes. The text is the [[thunder]] rolling long afterwards. | author = Walter Benjamin }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 07:49, 14 July 2016 (UTC) <s>3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 10:36, 14 July 2015 (UTC)</s> --> ; 2017 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> We [[know]] that the [[Jews]] were prohibited from [[investigating]] the [[future]]. The [[w:Torah|Torah]] and the [[prayers]] instruct them in [[remembrance]], however. This stripped the future of its [[magic]], to which all those succumb who turn to the soothsayers for [[enlightenment]]. This did not imply, however, that for the Jews the future turned into homogeneous empty time. For every second of [[time]] was the strait gate through which the [[Messiah]] might enter. | author = Walter Benjamin }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 23:53, 14 July 2017 (UTC) <s> 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 10:36, 14 July 2015 (UTC)</s> --> ; 2018 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> To articulate what is [[past]] does not mean to recognize "how it really was." It means to take control of a [[memory]], as it flashes in a [[moment]] of [[danger]]. For [[historical]] [[materialism]] it is a question of holding fast to a picture of the past, just as if it had unexpectedly thrust itself, in a [[Crisis|moment of danger]], on the historical subject. The danger threatens the stock of [[tradition]] as much as its recipients. For both it is one and the same: handing itself over as the tool of the [[ruling]] [[classes]]. In every epoch, the attempt must be made to deliver tradition anew from the [[conformism]] which is on the point of overwhelming it. For the [[Messiah]] arrives not merely as the [[Redeemer]]; he also arrives as the vanquisher of the [[w:Anti-christ|Anti-christ]]. The only writer of history with the gift of setting alight the sparks of [[hope]] in the past, is the one who is convinced of this: that not even the [[dead]] will be [[safe]] from the [[enemy]], if he is [[victorious]]. And this enemy has not ceased to be victorious. | author = Walter Benjamin }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 23:29, 14 July 2018 (UTC) <s>g3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:27, 15 July 2017 (UTC)</s> --> ; 2019 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> Every [[expression]] of [[human]] [[mental]] [[life]] can be understood as a kind of [[language]], and this [[understanding]], in the manner of a [[true]] [[method]], everywhere raises new [[questions]]. | author = Walter Benjamin }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:17, 15 July 2019 (UTC) <s>3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:11, 15 July 2018 (UTC)</s> --> ; 2020 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> In what [[time]] does man [[live]]? The thinkers have always [[known]] that he does not live in any time at all. The [[immortality]] of [[thoughts]] and [[deeds]] banishes him to a timeless realm at whose [[heart]] an inscrutable [[death]] lies in wait. ... Devoured by the countless demands of the [[moment]], time slipped away from him; the medium in which the pure melody of his [[youth]] would swell was destroyed. The fulfilled [[tranquility]] in which his late [[maturity]] would ripen was stolen from him. It was purloined by everyday [[reality]], which, with its [[events]], [[chance]] occurrences, and [[obligations]], disrupted the myriad opportunities of youthful time, immortal time. ... From day to day, second to second, the [[self]] preserves itself, clinging to that instrument: time, the instrument that it was supposed to play. | author = Walter Benjamin }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 03:52, 15 July 2020 (UTC) <s>3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:11, 15 July 2018 (UTC)</s> --> ; 2021 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> All [[purposeful]] manifestations of [[life]], including their very purposiveness, in the final [[analysis]] have their [[end]] not in life but in the expression of its [[nature]], in the representation of its [[significance]]. | author = Walter Benjamin }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 23:44, 14 July 2021 (UTC) <s> 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 23:52, 14 July 2018 (UTC) </s> --> ; 2022 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> A [[painting]] is [[finished]] when the [[artist]] says [[w:Sayings_of_Jesus_on_the_cross#6._It_is_finished|it is finished]]. | author = Rembrandt }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 19:29, 14 July 2022 (UTC) <s> 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 11:33, 11 July 2010 (UTC) </s> * 3 [[User:Pajicz|Pajicz]] ([[User talk:Pajicz|talk]]) 12:35, 8 April 2013 (UTC) Strong, but simple. * 3 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 07:33, 10 July 2013 (UTC) --> ; 2023 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> Because he never raises his eyes to the [[great]] and the [[meaningful]], [[Philistinism|the philistine]] has taken [[experience]] as his [[gospel]]. It has become for him a [[message]] about [[life]]'s commonness. But he has never grasped that there [[exists]] something other than experience, that there are [[values]] — inexperienceable — which we [[serve]]. | author = Walter Benjamin }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:34, 15 July 2023 (UTC) <s>3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 23:52, 14 July 2018 (UTC)</s> --> ; 2024 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> The [[choice]] we make in [[2024 United States presidential election|this election]] will shape the [[future]] of [[America]] and the [[world]] for decades to come. I [[believe]] that with all my [[soul]]. I know that millions of my fellow Americans believe it as well. And some have a different view as to the direction our country should take. Disagreement is inevitable in American [[democracy]]. It is part of [[human nature]]. [[Politics]] must never be a killing field. I believe politics ought to be an arena for [[peaceful]] [[debate]], to pursue [[justice]], to make decisions guided by the [[Declaration of Independence]] and [[United States Constitution|our constitution]]. We stand for an America not of extremism and fury, but of [[decency]] and [[grace]]. All of us now face a time of [[testing]] as the election approaches. The higher the stakes, the more fervent the [[passion]] becomes. This places an added burden on each of us to ensure no matter how strong our convictions, we must never descend into [[violence]]. | author = Joe Biden }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:27, 15 July 2024 (UTC); recent remarks on recent events --> ; 2025 {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> The [[tradition]] of the [[oppressed]] [[teaches]] us that the "state of emergency" in which we live is not the exception but the [[rule]]. | author = Walter Benjamin }} :* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 23:52, 14 July 2025 (UTC) <s>3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 10:36, 14 July 2015 (UTC) </s> --> ; 2026 : ''[[July 15|Rank or add further suggestions…]]'' ---- <noinclude> <!-- ---- '''Quotes by people born this day, already used as QOTD:''' --> ---- {{QOTD Ranking}} ---- ---- == Suggestions == More glorious to merit a sceptre than to possess one ~ [[Napoleon Bonaparte]] who surrendered on July 15th. * 3 ~ [[User:MosheZadka|MosheZadka]] [[User talk:MosheZadka|(Talk)]] 09:06, 25 Jun 2005 (UTC) * 1 [[User:Jeffq|Jeff Q]]&nbsp;[[User talk:Jeffq|(talk)]] 20:07, 11 July 2006 (UTC) * 2 '''[[User:Sceptre|Will]]''' ^{{[[User talk:Sceptre|talk]])} 23:42, 14 July 2007 (UTC) * 2 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 06:19, 24 April 2008 (UTC) * 2 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 07:33, 10 July 2013 (UTC) ---- A king should sacrifice the best affections of his heart for the good of his country; no sacrifice should be above his determination. ~ [[Napoleon Bonaparte]] * 3 [[User:AllanHainey|AllanHainey]] June 27, 2005 11:40 (UTC) * 3 [[User:Jeffq|Jeff Q]]&nbsp;[[User talk:Jeffq|(talk)]] 20:07, 11 July 2006 (UTC) * 3 '''[[User:Sceptre|Will]]''' ^{{[[User talk:Sceptre|talk]])} 23:42, 14 July 2007 (UTC) * 1 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 06:19, 24 April 2008 (UTC) * 3 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 07:33, 10 July 2013 (UTC) ---- I ran for governor to find out if the American dream still exists in anyone's heart other than mine. I'm living proof that the myths aren't true. The candidate with the most money isn't always the one who wins. You don't have to be a career politician to serve in public office. ~ [[Jesse Ventura]] (date of birth) * 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 06:10, 14 July 2005 (UTC) * 2 [[User:Jeffq|Jeff Q]]&nbsp;[[User talk:Jeffq|(talk)]] 20:07, 11 July 2006 (UTC) * 2 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 23:31, 14 July 2007 (UTC) * 1 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 06:19, 24 April 2008 (UTC) * 2.5 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 07:33, 10 July 2013 (UTC) ---- A well-wrapped statistic is better than Hitler's "big lie"; it misleads, yet it cannot be pinned on you. ~ [[How to Lie with Statistics|Darrell Huff]] (date of birth) * 3 [[User:Ningauble|Ningauble]] 17:22, 30 October 2008 (UTC) * 1 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 05:03, 3 July 2009 (UTC) * 2 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 17:17, 14 July 2009 (UTC) with a lean toward 3. * 3 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 07:33, 10 July 2013 (UTC) ---- There is terror in numbers... Perhaps we suffer from a trauma induced by grade-school arithmetic. ~ [[How to Lie with Statistics|Darrell Huff]] (date of birth) * 3 [[User:Ningauble|Ningauble]] 17:22, 30 October 2008 (UTC) * 2 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 05:03, 3 July 2009 (UTC) * 2 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 17:17, 14 July 2009 (UTC) * 2 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 07:33, 10 July 2013 (UTC) ---- He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man ~ [[Samuel Johnson|Dr Johnson]] : {{unsigned|D is for d}} * 1 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 22:33, 14 July 2009 (UTC) no clear relation to the date * 2 if it is on the correct date. - [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 18:13, 21 August 2009 (UTC) * 2 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 07:33, 10 July 2013 (UTC) ---- If you can't prove what you want to prove, demonstrate something else and pretend they are the same thing. In the daze that follows the collision of statistics with the human mind, hardly anyone will notice the difference. ~ [[How to Lie with Statistics|Darrell Huff]] * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 19:29, 6 July 2012 (UTC) with a lean toward 4. * 3 //[[User:Gbern3|Gbern3]] ([[User talk:Gbern3|talk]]) 07:33, 10 July 2013 (UTC) ---- {{quote of the day | quote = There is a secret agreement between past generations and the present one. Our coming was expected on earth. Like every generation that preceded us, we have been endowed with a weak Messianic power, a [[power]] to which the past has a claim. That claim cannot be settled cheaply. | author = Walter Benjamin }} * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:27, 15 July 2017 (UTC) ---- {{quote of the day | quote = Everyone who achieves strives for totality, and the value of his achievement lies in that totality — that is, in the fact that the whole, undivided nature of a human being should be expressed in his achievement. But when determined by our society, as we see it today, achievement does not express a totality; it is completely fragmented and derivative. It is not uncommon for the community to be the site where a joint and covert struggle is waged against higher ambitions and more personal goals. ... The socially relevant achievement of the average person serves in the vast majority of cases to repress the original and nonderivative, inner aspirations of the human being. | author = Walter Benjamin }} * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:11, 15 July 2018 (UTC) ---- {{quote of the day | quote = The enslavement of language in prattle is joined by the enslavement of things in folly almost as its inevitable consequence. | author = Walter Benjamin }} * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:11, 15 July 2018 (UTC) ---- {{quote of the day | quote = Of all the ways of acquiring books, writing them oneself is regarded as the most praiseworthy method. … Writers are really people who write books not because they are poor, but because they are dissatisfied with the books which they could buy but do not like. | author = Walter Benjamin }} * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:11, 15 July 2018 (UTC) ---- {{quote of the day | quote = The true sign of decadence is not the collusion of the university and the state (something that is by no means incompatible with honest barbarity), but the theory and guarantee of academic freedom, when in reality people assume with brutal simplicity that the aim of study is to steer its disciples to a socially conceived individuality. | author = Walter Benjamin }} * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:44, 15 July 2025 (UTC) ---- {{quote of the day | quote = The destructive character knows only one watchword: make room. And only one activity: clearing away. His need for fresh air and open space is stronger than any hatred. | author = Walter Benjamin }} * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:44, 15 July 2025 (UTC) ---- {{quote of the day | quote = For the Romantics and for speculative philosophy, ... to be critical meant to elevate thinking so far beyond all restrictive conditions that the knowledge of truth sprang forth magically, as it were, from insight into the falsehood of these restrictions. | author = Walter Benjamin }} * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:44, 15 July 2025 (UTC) ---- {{quote of the day | quote = The critic does not pass judgment on the work; rather, art itself passes judgment, either by taking up the work in the medium of criticism or by rejecting it and thereby appraising it as beneath all criticism. | author = Walter Benjamin }} * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:44, 15 July 2025 (UTC) ---- {{quote of the day | quote = One might, for example, speak of an unforgettable life or moment even if all men had forgotten it. If the nature of such a life or moment required that it be unforgotten, that predicate would imply not a falsehood but merely a claim unfulfilled by men, and probably also a reference to a realm in which it is fulfilled: God's remembrance. | author = Walter Benjamin }} * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:44, 15 July 2025 (UTC) ---- {{quote of the day | quote = All purposeful manifestations of life, including their very purposiveness, in the final analysis have their end not in life but in the expression of its nature, in the representation of its significance. | author = Walter Benjamin }} * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:44, 15 July 2025 (UTC) ---- {{quote of the day | quote = Capitalism is presumably the first case of a blaming, rather than a repenting cult. ... An enormous feeling of guilt not itself knowing how to repent, grasps at the cult, not in order to repent for this guilt, but to make it universal, to hammer it into consciousness and finally and above all to include God himself in this guilt. | author = Walter Benjamin }} * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:44, 15 July 2025 (UTC) ---- {{quote of the day | quote = Where the presence of truth should be possible, it can be possible solely under the condition of the recognition of myth—that is, the recognition of its crushing indifference to truth. | author = Walter Benjamin }} * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:44, 15 July 2025 (UTC) ---- {{quote of the day | quote = A curious paradox: people have only the narrowest private interest in mind when they act, yet they are at the same time more than ever determined in their behavior by the instincts of the mass. ... The diversity of individual goals is immaterial in face of the identity of the determining forces. | author = Walter Benjamin }} * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:44, 15 July 2025 (UTC) ---- {{quote of the day | quote = [[Nothing]] that has ever happened should be regarded as lost for [[history]]. To be sure, only a redeemed mankind receives the fullness of its past — which is to say, only a redeemed mankind has its past become citable in all its moments. Each moment it has lived becomes a ''citation à l'ordre du jour'' — and that day is [[Judgement Day]]. | author = Walter Benjamin }} * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:44, 15 July 2025 (UTC) ---- {{quote of the day | quote = History breaks down in images not into stories. | author = Walter Benjamin }} * 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:44, 15 July 2025 (UTC) ---- <!-- interwiki start --> <!-- interwiki end --> </noinclude> eh6nixa55vfeh0a02hjl59aiekusrlb 0 26439 3778719 3408659 2025-07-14T14:04:53Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Comedians]]; added [[Category:Comedians from the United States]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778719 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Tom Shadyac|Tom Shadyac]]''' (born [[11 December]] [[1958]]) is an American comedian, producer, director and writer. {{comedian-stub}} == Quotes == * Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous. ** Director's commentary for ''[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dragonfly_(2002_film) Dragonfly]''. * In movies you can shoot a guy 3,000 times and get a 'PG-13', but if you say the 'F' word ''twice'' it's automatically an 'R'. I'll let that be its own comment. ** Director's commentary for ''[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dragonfly_(2002_film) Dragonfly]''. == External links == {{wikipedia}} *{{imdb name|id=0001723|name=Tom Shadyac}} *[http://www.christianitytoday.com/movies/commentaries/fof_shadyac.html From ''Ace'' to the ''Almighty''] ''Christianity Today'' Movies article - [http://www.ericdavid.info/default.asp?id=70&newsaction=newsdetail&articleid=73 Be the Miracle] extended version {{DEFAULTSORT:Shadyac, Tom}} [[Category:Comedians from the United States]] [[Category:Film directors from the United States]] [[Category:People from Virginia]] [[Category:Living people]] gcr5lj7vgwfpjtedggh9vmgazlm2y9p 1 27086 3778776 2548273 2025-07-14T18:14:19Z Ficaia 3085955 3778776 wikitext text/x-wiki Is there a source for the following quote "Drink, enjoy and feel good. Consider the present time your property, all else is destiny", it is frequently cited in Dutch "Drink, geniet en voel je goed. Beschouw het heden als je eigendom, het overige behoort aan het lot." Can't find a source though. I want to use it for a special occasion, but I don't like using a misattributed quote. I also found this English version: “Enjoy yourself, drink, call the life you live today your own; but only that, the rest belongs to chance.” Euripides apparently made one of the earliest references (in Fragment) to the Ancient Greek Proverb: "Quem deus vult perdere, prius dementat" Those whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad. Can someone else confirm this? Pubilius Syrus certainly made a similar reference later in Maxim 911. :The Latin you've quoted is found in Bartlett's Familiar Quotations as an anonymous Latin saying, with no date given. The quote from Euripides is also mentioned in Bartlett's as a fragment taken from an unnamed work. A footnote lists variations of this quote, the oldest being from [[w:Lycurgus (Sparta)|Lycurgus]], making it older than that of Euripides: :When falls on man the anger of the gods,<br>First from his mind they banish understanding. :- [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 22:32, 21 June 2006 (UTC) What about the "Sophocles draws men as they ought to be..." quote? ''Reference for the Those whom the gods...'' My copy of the Oxford Dictionary of Quotations (1979 edition) lists it in the original Greek (which I don't know how do on my keyboard) as by our old friend Anon (entry 10:1) and comments ''Scholiast on Sophocles, Antigone, 622ff. See R. C. Jebb's edn (1906), Appendix pp 255-6. Perhaps best known in Latin translation. See 199:15.'' 199:15 turns out to be one James Duport (1606-1679), who wrote in his ''Homeri Gnomologia'' (1660, p 282), ''Quem Jupiter vult perdere, dementat prius'' (Whom Jupiter would destroy, he first sends mad) --[[User:NotSaussure|NotSaussure]] 18:50, 5 March 2007 (UTC) : I did some checking of many of the Greek, Latin and English sources available on the internet and discovered an error in the attributions to [[w:Lycurgus (Sparta)|Lycurgus of Sparta]] statements which were actually quotations of a "poet" made in ''Oratio In Leocratem'' [''Oration Against Leocrates''] Ch. 21. line 92 by [[w:Lycurgus of Athens|Lycurgus of Athens]], who came ''after'' Euripedes, and was an admirer of him. This error probably began in one of the 20th century editions of ''Bartlett's'' and has been repeated in a few other places. I posted many of the most common variants and derivatives on the page, with some sourcing. I probably won't have time to do much more on the page today, but might do a little more here within the next week or two. ~ [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 09:32, 23 September 2007 (UTC) For reference, the "scholiast on Sophocles' Antigone" (line 620, not 622) gives it as follows: μετὰ σοφίας γὰρ ὑπό τινος ἀοίδιμον καὶ κλεινὸν ἔπος πέφανται, τὸ ὅταν δ' ὁ δαίμων ἀνδρὶ πορσύνῃ κακὰ τὸν νοῦν ἔβλαψε πρῶτον ᾧ βουλεύεται. -- trans.: : "With wisdom the well-known and famous word was revealed by someone": -- that is, whenever a daimon prepares harm against a man, he first damages the mind of the one he is plotting against. :: I've redone the ascription, making clear that it does not come from Euripides, and added the version from the Sophoclean scholia mentioned by NotSaussure. Also done a new, more literal, translation of the Lycurgus version. [[Special:Contributions/130.195.86.36|130.195.86.36]] 23:24, 24 January 2008 (UTC) == "Love is all we have..." == The quote "Love is all we have, the only way that each can help the other" is listed under William Arrowsmith's translation of Orestes, but I read that and another translation and found nothing like it. Does anyone know if the quote is credible and, if so, what its source is? : {{unsigned|66.45.157.183}} :: It appears to be from [http://books.google.com/books?id=cDZyAAAAIAAJ&q=%22Love+is+all+we+have,+the+only+way+that+each+can+help+the+other%22&dq=%22Love+is+all+we+have,+the+only+way+that+each+can+help+the+other%22&ei=_UN0Sd6jLoyuyASp6pCcBg&client=safari&pgis=1 line 298] in at least one publication of the Arrowsmith translation. ~ [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 09:30, 19 January 2009 (UTC) == Unsourced == * Danger gleams like sunshine to a brave man's eyes. * Do not consider painful what is good for you. * Do not plan for ventures before finishing what's at hand. * Down on your knees, and thank heaven, fasting, for a good man's love. * '''Forgive, son; men are men; they needs must err.''' * Friends show their love in times of trouble. * Happiness is brief. It will not stay. God batters at its sails. * He is not a lover who does not love forever. * He is wise that is wise to himself. * Human misery must somewhere have a stop; there is no wind that always blows a storm. * I hate it in friends when they come too late to help. * I love the old way best, the simple way of poison, where we too are strong as men. * I would prefer as friend a good man ignorant than one more clever who is evil too. * '''If the gods do evil then they are not gods. ''' * Ignorance of one's misfortunes is clear gain. * Impudence is the worst of all human diseases. * In misfortune, which friend remains a friend? * It destroys one's nerves to be amiable every day to the same human being. * '''It is a good thing to be rich and a good thing to be strong, but it is a better thing to be loved by many friends.''' * It's not beauty but fine qualities, my girl, that keep a husband. * Joint undertakings stand a better chance when they benefit both sides. * Judge a tree from its fruit, not from its leaves. * Know first who you are; and then adorn yourself accordingly. * Life has no blessing like a prudent friend. * Love must not touch the marrow of the soul. Our affections must be breakable chains that we can cast them off or tighten them. * Luckier than one's neighbour, but still not happy. * Man's best possession is a sympathetic wife. * Man's most valuable trait is a judicious sense of what not to believe. (''See comment below'') * Money is far more persuasive than logical arguments. * Much effort, much prosperity. * Never that which is shall die. * New faces have more authority than accustomed ones. * No one can confidently say that he will still be living tomorrow. * No one is happy all his life long. * No one is truly free, they are a slave to wealth, fortune, the law, or other people restraining them from acting according to their will. * '''No one who lives in error is free.''' * Often a noble face hides filthy ways. * One does nothing who tries to console a despondent person with word. A friend is one who aids with deeds at a critical time when deeds are called for. * One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives. * Only a madman would give good for evil. * Punishment is not for revenge, but to lessen crime and reform the criminal. * Question everything. Learn something. Answer nothing. * '''Real friendship is shown in times of trouble; prosperity is full of friends.''' * Short is the joy that guilty pleasure brings. * Silence is true wisdom's best reply. * Silver and gold are not the only coin; virtue too passes current all over the world. * Slight not what's near, when aiming at what's far. ** Variant: Slight not what's near through aiming at what's far. * Song brings of itself a cheerfulness that wakes the heart of joy. * Ten soldiers wisely led will beat a hundred without a head. * '''The best and safest thing is to keep a balance in your life, acknowledge the great powers around us and in us. If you can do that, and live that way, you are really a wise man.''' * The best of seers is he who guesses well. * The best prophet is common sense, our native wit. * The bold are helpless without cleverness. * '''The company of just and righteous men is better than wealth and a rich estate.''' * The day is for honest men, the night for thieves. * The gods visit the sins of the fathers upon the children. * The good and the wise lead quiet lives. * '''The greatest pleasure of life is love.''' * '''The language of truth is simple.''' * The lucky person passes for a genius. * The wavering mind is but a base possession. * The wisest men follow their own direction. * There is in the worst of fortune the best of chances for a happy change. * There is just one life for each of us: our own. * There is no benefit in the gifts of a bad man. * There is the sky, which is all men's together. * '''This is courage in a man: to bear unflinchingly what heaven sends.''' * '''Time will explain it all.''' He is a talker, and needs no questioning before he speaks. * To a father waxing old, nothing is dearer than a daughter. * '''To generous souls, every task is noble.''' * To persevere, trusting in what hopes he has, is courage in a man. * Unhappiness remembering happiness. * Vengeance comes not slowly either upon you or any other wicked man, but steals silently and imperceptibly, placing its foot on the bad. * '''Waste not fresh tears over old griefs. ''' * '''We know the good, we apprehend it clearly, but we can't bring it to achievement.''' * Wealth stays with us a little moment if at all: only our characters are steadfast, not our gold. * What anger worse or slower to abate than lovers love when it turns to hate. * What greater grief than the loss of one's native land. * When a man's stomach is full it makes no difference whether he is rich or poor. * Whoso neglects learning in his youth, loses the past and is dead for the future. * Woman is woman's natural ally. * You were a stranger to sorrow: therefore Fate has cursed you. * Your very silence shows you agree. * '''Youth is the best time to be rich, and the best time to be poor.''' * Zeus hates busybodies and those who do too much. :: I have placed the "...what not believe" quote in the article. I see it often attributed to Euripides but have never found a citation despite much searching. Hopefully, someone will spot it someday and provide the citation. [[User:Star-lists|Star-lists]] ([[User talk:Star-lists|talk]]) 00:28, 7 February 2016 (UTC) == Source Information for "Silence is true wisdom's best reply." == I believe that the following fragment: '' ἡ γὰρ σιωπὴ τοῖς σοφοῖσ<ιν> ἀπόκρισις '', is the source of this quote. This fragment appears in ''Euripides'' : Volume VIII, Loeb Classical Library 506 ( '''Fragments''' ; Oedipus-Chrysippus, Other Fragments, tr. Christopher Collard, Martin Cropp, Harvard University Press, {{ISBN|0674996259}}, 9780674996250 in Unidentified Plays, Fragment 977, with the following translation: "Silence is an answer in the eyes of the wise." Not wishing to clutter up the Euripides main page, I am placing this information here on the Discussion page: the actual quote, with variant translation, will be placed on the main page with a note referring the reader to the Discussion page for sourcing information. [[User:CononOfSamos|CononOfSamos]] ([[User talk:CononOfSamos|talk]]) 06:17, 28 February 2016 (UTC) == So strong the yearning of mankind for life == * Ὦ φιλόζωοι βροτοὶ,<br/>οἱ τὴν ἐπιστείχουσαν ἡμέραν ἰδεῖν<br/>οὕτως ἔρως βροτοῖσιν ἐγκεῖται βίου ** O ye life-loving mortals,<br/>Who ever long to see the coming day,<br/>Though ye be weighed down with a thousand sorrows!<br/>So strong the yearning of mankind for life. *** Attributed to Euripides, said to be from ''Phoenix'' Fragments 12, in [https://archive.org/stream/dictionaryquota04harbgoog#page/n556/mode/2up ''Dictionary of Quotations (Classical)'' by Thomas Benfield Harbottle]] [[User:IOHANNVSVERVS|IOHANNVSVERVS]] ([[User talk:IOHANNVSVERVS|talk]]) 18:28, 27 March 2017 (UTC) == ''Hoyt's'', 1882, 1894, 1922 == * Oh, Virtue! I have followed you through life, and find you at last but a shade. ** ''Hoyt's'' (1882) [https://archive.org/details/cyclopdiapracti00wardgoog/page/452/mode/2up?q=Euripides p. 453] * Youth holds no society with grief. ** ''Hoyt's'' (1882) p. 486 [[User:Ficaia|Ficaia]] ([[User talk:Ficaia|talk]]) 18:14, 14 July 2025 (UTC) mkyyty1b4cdaac9ywaso5wuvl2uqeip 3778877 3778776 2025-07-14T21:23:00Z Ficaia 3085955 3778877 wikitext text/x-wiki Is there a source for the following quote "Drink, enjoy and feel good. Consider the present time your property, all else is destiny", it is frequently cited in Dutch "Drink, geniet en voel je goed. Beschouw het heden als je eigendom, het overige behoort aan het lot." Can't find a source though. I want to use it for a special occasion, but I don't like using a misattributed quote. I also found this English version: “Enjoy yourself, drink, call the life you live today your own; but only that, the rest belongs to chance.” Euripides apparently made one of the earliest references (in Fragment) to the Ancient Greek Proverb: "Quem deus vult perdere, prius dementat" Those whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad. Can someone else confirm this? Pubilius Syrus certainly made a similar reference later in Maxim 911. :The Latin you've quoted is found in Bartlett's Familiar Quotations as an anonymous Latin saying, with no date given. The quote from Euripides is also mentioned in Bartlett's as a fragment taken from an unnamed work. A footnote lists variations of this quote, the oldest being from [[w:Lycurgus (Sparta)|Lycurgus]], making it older than that of Euripides: :When falls on man the anger of the gods,<br>First from his mind they banish understanding. :- [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 22:32, 21 June 2006 (UTC) What about the "Sophocles draws men as they ought to be..." quote? ''Reference for the Those whom the gods...'' My copy of the Oxford Dictionary of Quotations (1979 edition) lists it in the original Greek (which I don't know how do on my keyboard) as by our old friend Anon (entry 10:1) and comments ''Scholiast on Sophocles, Antigone, 622ff. See R. C. Jebb's edn (1906), Appendix pp 255-6. Perhaps best known in Latin translation. See 199:15.'' 199:15 turns out to be one James Duport (1606-1679), who wrote in his ''Homeri Gnomologia'' (1660, p 282), ''Quem Jupiter vult perdere, dementat prius'' (Whom Jupiter would destroy, he first sends mad) --[[User:NotSaussure|NotSaussure]] 18:50, 5 March 2007 (UTC) : I did some checking of many of the Greek, Latin and English sources available on the internet and discovered an error in the attributions to [[w:Lycurgus (Sparta)|Lycurgus of Sparta]] statements which were actually quotations of a "poet" made in ''Oratio In Leocratem'' [''Oration Against Leocrates''] Ch. 21. line 92 by [[w:Lycurgus of Athens|Lycurgus of Athens]], who came ''after'' Euripedes, and was an admirer of him. This error probably began in one of the 20th century editions of ''Bartlett's'' and has been repeated in a few other places. I posted many of the most common variants and derivatives on the page, with some sourcing. I probably won't have time to do much more on the page today, but might do a little more here within the next week or two. ~ [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 09:32, 23 September 2007 (UTC) For reference, the "scholiast on Sophocles' Antigone" (line 620, not 622) gives it as follows: μετὰ σοφίας γὰρ ὑπό τινος ἀοίδιμον καὶ κλεινὸν ἔπος πέφανται, τὸ ὅταν δ' ὁ δαίμων ἀνδρὶ πορσύνῃ κακὰ τὸν νοῦν ἔβλαψε πρῶτον ᾧ βουλεύεται. -- trans.: : "With wisdom the well-known and famous word was revealed by someone": -- that is, whenever a daimon prepares harm against a man, he first damages the mind of the one he is plotting against. :: I've redone the ascription, making clear that it does not come from Euripides, and added the version from the Sophoclean scholia mentioned by NotSaussure. Also done a new, more literal, translation of the Lycurgus version. [[Special:Contributions/130.195.86.36|130.195.86.36]] 23:24, 24 January 2008 (UTC) == "Love is all we have..." == The quote "Love is all we have, the only way that each can help the other" is listed under William Arrowsmith's translation of Orestes, but I read that and another translation and found nothing like it. Does anyone know if the quote is credible and, if so, what its source is? : {{unsigned|66.45.157.183}} :: It appears to be from [http://books.google.com/books?id=cDZyAAAAIAAJ&q=%22Love+is+all+we+have,+the+only+way+that+each+can+help+the+other%22&dq=%22Love+is+all+we+have,+the+only+way+that+each+can+help+the+other%22&ei=_UN0Sd6jLoyuyASp6pCcBg&client=safari&pgis=1 line 298] in at least one publication of the Arrowsmith translation. ~ [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 09:30, 19 January 2009 (UTC) == Unsourced == * Danger gleams like sunshine to a brave man's eyes. * Do not consider painful what is good for you. * Do not plan for ventures before finishing what's at hand. * Down on your knees, and thank heaven, fasting, for a good man's love. * '''Forgive, son; men are men; they needs must err.''' * Friends show their love in times of trouble. * Happiness is brief. It will not stay. God batters at its sails. * He is not a lover who does not love forever. * He is wise that is wise to himself. * Human misery must somewhere have a stop; there is no wind that always blows a storm. * I hate it in friends when they come too late to help. * I love the old way best, the simple way of poison, where we too are strong as men. * I would prefer as friend a good man ignorant than one more clever who is evil too. * '''If the gods do evil then they are not gods. ''' * Ignorance of one's misfortunes is clear gain. * Impudence is the worst of all human diseases. * In misfortune, which friend remains a friend? * It destroys one's nerves to be amiable every day to the same human being. * '''It is a good thing to be rich and a good thing to be strong, but it is a better thing to be loved by many friends.''' * It's not beauty but fine qualities, my girl, that keep a husband. * Joint undertakings stand a better chance when they benefit both sides. * Judge a tree from its fruit, not from its leaves. * Know first who you are; and then adorn yourself accordingly. * Life has no blessing like a prudent friend. * Love must not touch the marrow of the soul. Our affections must be breakable chains that we can cast them off or tighten them. * Luckier than one's neighbour, but still not happy. * Man's best possession is a sympathetic wife. * Man's most valuable trait is a judicious sense of what not to believe. (''See comment below'') * Money is far more persuasive than logical arguments. * Much effort, much prosperity. * Never that which is shall die. * New faces have more authority than accustomed ones. * No one can confidently say that he will still be living tomorrow. * No one is happy all his life long. * No one is truly free, they are a slave to wealth, fortune, the law, or other people restraining them from acting according to their will. * '''No one who lives in error is free.''' * Often a noble face hides filthy ways. * One does nothing who tries to console a despondent person with word. A friend is one who aids with deeds at a critical time when deeds are called for. * One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives. * Only a madman would give good for evil. * Punishment is not for revenge, but to lessen crime and reform the criminal. * Question everything. Learn something. Answer nothing. * '''Real friendship is shown in times of trouble; prosperity is full of friends.''' * Short is the joy that guilty pleasure brings. * Silence is true wisdom's best reply. * Silver and gold are not the only coin; virtue too passes current all over the world. * Slight not what's near, when aiming at what's far. ** Variant: Slight not what's near through aiming at what's far. * Song brings of itself a cheerfulness that wakes the heart of joy. * Ten soldiers wisely led will beat a hundred without a head. * '''The best and safest thing is to keep a balance in your life, acknowledge the great powers around us and in us. If you can do that, and live that way, you are really a wise man.''' * The best of seers is he who guesses well. * The best prophet is common sense, our native wit. * The bold are helpless without cleverness. * '''The company of just and righteous men is better than wealth and a rich estate.''' * The day is for honest men, the night for thieves. * The gods visit the sins of the fathers upon the children. * The good and the wise lead quiet lives. * '''The greatest pleasure of life is love.''' * '''The language of truth is simple.''' * The lucky person passes for a genius. * The wavering mind is but a base possession. * The wisest men follow their own direction. * There is in the worst of fortune the best of chances for a happy change. * There is just one life for each of us: our own. * There is no benefit in the gifts of a bad man. * There is the sky, which is all men's together. * '''This is courage in a man: to bear unflinchingly what heaven sends.''' * '''Time will explain it all.''' He is a talker, and needs no questioning before he speaks. * To a father waxing old, nothing is dearer than a daughter. * '''To generous souls, every task is noble.''' * To persevere, trusting in what hopes he has, is courage in a man. * Unhappiness remembering happiness. * Vengeance comes not slowly either upon you or any other wicked man, but steals silently and imperceptibly, placing its foot on the bad. * '''Waste not fresh tears over old griefs. ''' * '''We know the good, we apprehend it clearly, but we can't bring it to achievement.''' * Wealth stays with us a little moment if at all: only our characters are steadfast, not our gold. * What anger worse or slower to abate than lovers love when it turns to hate. * What greater grief than the loss of one's native land. * When a man's stomach is full it makes no difference whether he is rich or poor. * Whoso neglects learning in his youth, loses the past and is dead for the future. * Woman is woman's natural ally. * You were a stranger to sorrow: therefore Fate has cursed you. * Your very silence shows you agree. * '''Youth is the best time to be rich, and the best time to be poor.''' * Zeus hates busybodies and those who do too much. :: I have placed the "...what not believe" quote in the article. I see it often attributed to Euripides but have never found a citation despite much searching. Hopefully, someone will spot it someday and provide the citation. [[User:Star-lists|Star-lists]] ([[User talk:Star-lists|talk]]) 00:28, 7 February 2016 (UTC) == Source Information for "Silence is true wisdom's best reply." == I believe that the following fragment: '' ἡ γὰρ σιωπὴ τοῖς σοφοῖσ<ιν> ἀπόκρισις '', is the source of this quote. This fragment appears in ''Euripides'' : Volume VIII, Loeb Classical Library 506 ( '''Fragments''' ; Oedipus-Chrysippus, Other Fragments, tr. Christopher Collard, Martin Cropp, Harvard University Press, {{ISBN|0674996259}}, 9780674996250 in Unidentified Plays, Fragment 977, with the following translation: "Silence is an answer in the eyes of the wise." Not wishing to clutter up the Euripides main page, I am placing this information here on the Discussion page: the actual quote, with variant translation, will be placed on the main page with a note referring the reader to the Discussion page for sourcing information. [[User:CononOfSamos|CononOfSamos]] ([[User talk:CononOfSamos|talk]]) 06:17, 28 February 2016 (UTC) == So strong the yearning of mankind for life == * Ὦ φιλόζωοι βροτοὶ,<br/>οἱ τὴν ἐπιστείχουσαν ἡμέραν ἰδεῖν<br/>οὕτως ἔρως βροτοῖσιν ἐγκεῖται βίου ** O ye life-loving mortals,<br/>Who ever long to see the coming day,<br/>Though ye be weighed down with a thousand sorrows!<br/>So strong the yearning of mankind for life. *** Attributed to Euripides, said to be from ''Phoenix'' Fragments 12, in [https://archive.org/stream/dictionaryquota04harbgoog#page/n556/mode/2up ''Dictionary of Quotations (Classical)'' by Thomas Benfield Harbottle]] [[User:IOHANNVSVERVS|IOHANNVSVERVS]] ([[User talk:IOHANNVSVERVS|talk]]) 18:28, 27 March 2017 (UTC) == ''Hoyt's'', 1882, 1894, 1922 == * Oh, Virtue! I have followed you through life, and find you at last but a shade. ** ''Hoyt's'' (1882) [https://archive.org/details/cyclopdiapracti00wardgoog/page/452/mode/2up?q=Euripides p. 453] * Youth holds no society with grief. ** ''Hoyt's'' (1882) p. 486 [[User:Ficaia|Ficaia]] ([[User talk:Ficaia|talk]]) 18:14, 14 July 2025 (UTC) == ''Classical and Foreign Quotations'', 3rd ed. (1904) == :<small> The text of [[w:Karl Wilhelm Dindorf|Dindorf]]. Alcestis, <strike>2578</strike>. Andromache, 105. Bacchae, 2549. Electra, 3138. Fragmenta, 66, 152, 664, 815, 1212, 1434, 1487, 1497, 1562, 1615, 1619, 1880, 1897, 1989, 1990, 1997, 2006, 2133, 2538, 2551, 2605, 2624, 2698, 2789. Hippolytus, 617, 2596. Iphigenia in Aulis, 2331. Iphigenia in Tauris, 417. Medea, 222. Orestes, 3013. Phoenissae, 793, 1607. Supplices, 1208.</small> * φευ φεῦ, παλαιὸς αἶνος ὡς καλῶς ἔχει, <br> οὐκ ἂν γένοιτο χρηστὸς ἐκ κακοῦ πατρός. ** "Ne'er was good son of evil father born," as runs the saying. ** Fragment 342 (''Dictys'', 11) *** no. 1212<!--Cf. ''Corpus Paroemiographorum Graecorum'' (1839) vol. 2 (p. 466): Κακοῦ κόρακος κακὸν ὠὸν.—"A bad crow lays a bad egg."--> * αὐτὸ δὲ σιγᾶν ὁμολογοῦντος ἐστί σοῦ. ** Your silence is a sign that you consent. ** ''Iphigenia in Aulis'', l. 1142, Clytemnestra *** no. 2331<!--Cf. Law Maxim, in [[w:Corpus Juris Canonici|''Corpus Canon. Jur.'']] (Liber Sextus Decretal, lib. 5, tit. 12, reg. 43): ''Qui tacet consentire videtur.''—"Silence gives consent."--> * Ἔα με κερδαίνοντα κεκλῆσθαι κακόν... ** ? ** ''Bellerophon'', fragment 5 *** no. 2551<!--Cf. [[Seneca the Younger]], ''Epistles'', 115, 14:<br> ''Sine me vocari pessimum, ut dives vocer! <br> An dives omnes quærimus, nemo an bonus. <br> Non quare et unde, quid habeas tantum rogant.'' <br>Call me the worst names, so you call me rich! <br> One’s money, not one’s morals, all would know; <br> Nor how, or where one came by’t, but "How much."--> [https://archive.org/details/classicalforeign00kinguoft/page/328/mode/2up] [[User:Ficaia|Ficaia]] ([[User talk:Ficaia|talk]]) 21:22, 14 July 2025 (UTC) 9i7j8pnqaehm4zr7cjxaxh3bm0ieczm 0 28634 3778965 3778184 2025-07-15T01:31:04Z 2600:1004:B0AB:49BD:DC4D:D333:6094:3C75 3778965 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:14500 Gloucester - Flickr - megabus13601.jpg|thumb|Remember this name: '''''OSCAR THE SHARKSLAYER!''''']] {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Shark Tale|Shark Tale]]''''' (known as '''''Sharkslayer''''') in 103 minutes release is a [[w:2004 in film|2004]] [[w:computer animation|computer-animated film]] produced by [[w:DreamWorks Animation|DreamWorks Animation]] and distributed by [[w:DreamWorks Pictures|DreamWorks Pictures]] (through [[w:Paramount Pictures|Paramount Home Entertainment]] in the library.) Starring the voices of [[Will Smith]], [[Angelina Jolie]], [[w:Renée Zellweger|Renée Zellweger]], [[Jack Black]], [[Martin Scorsese]], and [[Robert De Niro]], it tells the story of Oscar, a low cleaning fish who takes credit for killing the son of shark mob boss Don Lino. :''Directed by Bibo Bergenson, [[Vicky Jenson]] and Rob Letterman. Written by Michael J. Wilson and Rob Letterman.'' {{center|'''Behind every little fish is a great white lie.''' [[#Taglines|Taglines]]}} ==Dialogue== :''[First lines; DreamWorks with scene logos Boy throws a fishing pole with a worm named Dewey tied to the hook into the water. The worm looks up as he holds his breath, as a shark circles around him. The worm panics as he looks behind him to see...]'' :'''Lenny''': Hi. I'm Lenny. ''[The worm faints]'' Oh, little buddy, did I scare you? I'm sorry. Wake up. Wake up. Okay, don't worry about it. I'm going to get you out in a jiffy, you just keep holding your breath, little wormy. :'''Frankie''': ''[offscreen]'' Yo, Lenny! :'''Lenny''': Ah! I'm coming, Frankie! :'''Frankie''': ''[offscreen]'' Well, move it. Come on. Pop's waiting. :'''Lenny''': ''[finally unties the worm]'' There we go, and... Gotcha! Okay, you're free now, just go. ''[the worm slinks back up the line]'' Just go, cry for you. ''[he turns to see Frankie scowling]'' Aagh! Oh, you almost gave me a heart attack! :'''Frankie''': Lenny, what are you doing? :'''Lenny''': Oh, I was just, uh... ''[grabs a bundle of flowers]'' Picking you some flowers. ''[Frankie slaps them out of Lenny's hand]'' Hey! Mom said it's not okay to hit. ''[Frankie smacks his shoulders]'' Aah! :'''Frankie''': Mom's not here. ''[he swims away, humming the JAWS theme]'' :'''Lenny''': Don't. ''Don't.'' Ugh, that song gives me the creeps. :'''Frankie''': What do you mean? It's our theme song. ''[?]'' :'''Katie Current''': ''[to the crew offscreen]'' Are they gone? Are they gone? Are you sure? ''[looks at the camera]'' Good morning, Southeast Reef. I'm Katie Current keeping it current. I just received confirmation that the sharks are gone. I repeat, the sharks are gone. ''[All the fishes swim freely as the title "Shark Tale" appears]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''The Shrimp''': Yep. It's fake. :'''Clam''': Fake?! I worked eight years on that! <hr width=50%/> :'''Oscar''': Hi, I'm Oscar. You might think you know, but you have no idea. ''[rap music]'' Welcome to my crib. The good life, the way the other half lives. Check it out, I got my 60" inch high-def, flatscreen TV with 6-speaker surround-sound, CD, Vinyl, HD-DVD, Blu-Ray 3D, 4K Ultra HD Blu-ray, Laserdisc, VCD, Betamax, VHS, DVD, Blu-ray, PlayStation hook-up, XBOX, PlayStation 1-5, and an 8-track player for days when you're feeling just a little... ''[beatbox]'' old school. ''[laughs]'' 'Cause even a superstar Mack daddy fish like me has to have the necessities. :'''Shorty 1''': ''[appears]'' Yeah, like money! ''[Camera zooms out to show Oscar standing in front of billboard ad]'' :'''Oscar''': C'mon, Shorties, why you messin' with my fantasy? :'''Shorty 2''': 'Cause you're so broke, your baloney has no first name. <hr width=50%/> :'''Oscar''': Yo, Crazy Joe! :'''Crazy Joe''': Now that you live in a great penthouse, can I be your financial advisor? :'''Oscar''': That's a billboard, Crazy Joe. :'''Crazy Joe''': You live in a billboard? And they call ''me'' crazy! ''[laughs insanely while floating away with an umbrella]'' :'''Shorty 1''': Hey, Oscar! Look who came to visit! :'''Oscar''': ''[turns around and freaks out]'' YAAH!!! ''[They shorties spray-painted the billboard with a pic of Oscar being devoured by a shark bursting through the penthouse floor]'' :'''Shorties''': ''[laughing]'' Gotcha! :'''Oscar''': No, don't do that! Shouldn't you kids be in school? :'''Shorty 2''': Shouldn't you be at work? :'''Oscar''': Right back at me, eh? Little smart mouth? Now I'm on my way and y'all stay outta trouble. ''[turns back to the graffiti]'' And clean that stuff up! :'''Shorty 3''': See ya! ''[The Shorties clean the graffiti]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Angie''': Good morning. Can I help you? :'''Whale''': One wash and mouth, please. :'''Angie''': Hot wax? :'''Whale''': Please. :'''Angie''': Kelp Scrape. We're having a special, what do you say? :'''Whale''': Why not? It's mating season, and I'm feeling lucky! ''[leaves]'' :''[Phone rings]'' :'''Angie''': Whale of the wash, and the price... ''[blissful sigh]'' Oh, my gosh. ''[camera pans to Angie doodling her crush on Oscar]'' May I suggest a barnacle peel? Removes lines and salt damage. Good. :'''Oscar''': ''[enters]'' Hey, Ang. :'''Angie''': OH, MY GOSH! ''[quickly hides her secret paper]'' Hi Oscar! :'''Oscar''': Thanks for covering for me. ''[over the phone]'' Hey yo, Angie needs to get her freak on! Could ya hold for one moment please? Thanks, dawg! ''[hangs up]'' :'''Angie''': Oscar! :'''Oscar''': C'mon, Ang! Dance with me, mama! ♪ You might not ever be rich! ♪ :'''Angie''': Oscar! You're gonna get me fired! :'''Oscar''': You? Fired? ''[scoffs]'' That can't happen, 'cause then I'd have absolutely NO reason to come to work. :'''Angie''': ''[sheepishly]'' Oh, you don't mean that. :'''Oscar''': 'Course I do. You're, like, my best friend. :''[Angie gasps; then when Oscar's not looking, dramatically pretends to jab herself in the heart with her pen. When Oscar turns back to her, she quickly hides the pen with a sheepish giggle]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[A dark ship. The camera fades in, showing Don Lino feeding his fish]'' :'''Don Lino''': ''[to his fish]'' How are my babies this mornin'? You miss me? You doin' good? Huh? Huh? ''[To Sykes]'' You see, Sykes, it's a fish-eat-fish world, ''[he drops a food pellet into the tank]'' you either take, or you get taken out. ''[The fish sprout razor teeth and devour the pellet as Lino closes the tank's lid]'' :'''Sykes''': ''[hastily]'' Truer words have never been spoken. Is that it? That all? We done? :'''Don Lino''': Now, you and me, we worked together a long, long, long time. :'''Sykes''': Please, Don Lino, it's hardly been like work. :'''Don Lino''': You know... :'''Sykes''': I love that about you. :'''Don Lino''': Let me finish. That I've lived my life for my sons. Raising and protecting them... :'''Sykes''': You're the best! He's the best, right? Am I right or am I wrong? Am I right? :'''Don Lino''': It's all been to prepare... :'''Sykes''': Right? :'''Don Lino''': ...to prepare them... :'''Sykes''': Sorry. :'''Don Lino''': Yeah. It's alright. ...for the day they run the reef. Well, today is that day. ''[pauses; The record player gets stuck]'' Luca. :'''Luca''': ''[moves the needle; the record player plays "Baby Got Back" by Six Mix-a-Lot; Luca quickly moves the needle again and it cuts off]'' Hey, Boss, big butts! ''[chuckles]'' :'''Don Lino''': ''[facepalming]'' Oy vey. Long story short, from now on yous work for Frankie and Lenny. Capiche? :'''Sykes''': ''[laughs a bit]'' Lenny? Frankie, I understand, but Lenny? You can't be serious. :'''Don Lino''': I'm dead serious. It takes more than muscle to run things. Now Lenny, he's got the brains. That's somethin' special. :'''Sykes''': He's special all right. :'''Don Lino''': What's that supposed to mean? :'''Sykes''': Nothing. I'm just sayin'... :'''Don Lino''': Hey, I bring you in here, look you in the eye, tell you what's what, and what? :'''Sykes''': What? :'''Don Lino''': What "what"? :'''Sykes''': "What, what" nothin'. You said "what" first. :'''Don Lino''': I didn't say what first. I asked ''you'' what. :'''Sykes''': No, you said "And then what?", and I said "What?" :'''Don Lino''': ''[confused]'' No, I said "what what", like what, what? ''[belief pausesly]'' :'''Sykes''': ''[pausebusterz; to Don Lino]'' You said "what" first. :'''Don Lino''': ''[annoyed]'' Now you're making fun of me?! :'''Sykes''': ''[hastily]'' [[Jonah: A VeggieTales Movie|No, no, no, no, you misunderstood!]] ''[His sons arrived]'' :'''Frankie''': Sorry we're late, Pop. Lenny had an accident. He was born. :'''Lenny''': ''[sarcastic laughter]'' You're a comic genius. :'''Sykes''': Look, all I'm saying is the kid ain't exactly no killer. :'''Don Lino''': My Lenny ''is'' a killer! Ya hear me? A cold-blooded killer! Look at him! ''[Lino and Sykes both notice Lenny obliviously spinning around on his chair; Frankie shakes his head]'' :'''Sykes''': Huh? :'''Don Lino''': ''[paused; more annoyed]'' That's it. That's IT! You are OUT! :'''Sykes''': ''[shocked]'' What?! ''[inflates; high pitched]'' Whaddya mean I'm "out"?! :'''Don Lino''': [[w:Shout! Studios|You're fired!]] ''[pushes Sykes; Sykes screams and lands on a picture across the room]'' And on top of that, you're gonna have to start paying me! :'''Sykes''': ''[high pitched]'' For what?! :'''Don Lino''': ''[ominously]'' So nothing happens to that little Whale Wash of yours. ''[Cut to the Oscar and workers at the Whale Wash]'' :'''Oscar''': ''[while shoveled the slime off the whale's tongue]'' Welcome to Oscar's crib. 60 foot slime-covered tongue with canker sores, swim-in cavities and plankton-encrusted teeth for when I feel a little… old school! :'''Pontrelli''': Ah, stop your moaning, Oscar! It could be a lot worse. :'''Oscar''': Yeah, that's true. I could have this job, and look like you! ''[laughs; sudden rumbling]'' Indigestion...SHE'S GONNA BLOW! ''[Workers start scattering]'' :'''Knuckles''': Wait! Headphone Guy's still in there! ''[Headphone Guy is cleaning the whale, oblivious to the rumbling]'' :'''Oscar''': ''[slowly motion]'' I GOT YOU, HEADPHONE GUY! ''[he and Headphone Guy brace themselves on the whale's uvula, the normal motion. The scrubbers peak when...the whale let us out a small belch, sendin' some slime onto Oscar. The workers laughs]'' :'''Oscar''': ''[groans as he rubs the slime off him]'' Still think it could be worse? :'''Pontrelli''': Yeah! I could look like you! :'''Oscar''': Haha! Ya'll funny. Well, see if you laugh at THIS! ''[throws slimeball at Pontrelli, who ducks with a laughs, and it hits in splat instructor Johnson, causin' him to stagger around and accidentally hits a button that sprays soap in the whale's eye, causin' the whale to screams in pain and anogy]'' :'''Whale''': Ohh! Ohh! My eye! OHH!! :'''Oscar''': [[A Streetcar Named Desire (1951 film)|'''''SOAP IN THE EYE, SOAP IN THE EYE!''''']] ''[Flips the emergency; the grabbers grab the screams whale very tightly; quickly cleans the whale's eye]'' It's alright. I'll gettin' look this could us will be you a free hot wax and all you like that? ''[No pause]'' I'll got it, Big Baby. :'''Whale''': Thanks, Oscar. :'''Oscar''': Alright. ''[gets slapped on the back by Ernie and shocked, causing the bucket to land on his head]'' :'''Ernie''': Well, look who it is, Bernie. :'''Bernie''': Just the fish we're looking for. :'''Ernie''': Yeah. :'''Bernie''': The boss be needin' to see you right now. :'''Ernie''': Right now. :'''Oscar''': Ernie. Bernie. My jellyfish brothers. Boo-ya-ka. Hey, what's up, man? Man, it's good to see y'all... Huh? What'd you say, Ang? Okay. Fellas, I'm gonna go ahead over there. [singing] But don't worry ''[beatbox]'' About a thing 'Cause every little thing Is gonna be alright... ''[gets slapped again]'' :'''Ernie''': [[w:Amazon MGM Studios|That's not the way you sing that sound, one.]] ''[Cut into the Oscar is tossed into Sykes' office and rolls into his desk]'' :'''Oscar''': Hey, Sykes! My brother from another mother. What the deezy, baby? ''[Oscar tries dapped Sykes up, who sighs annoyed at his antics]'' Show me dat. What's goin' down? Hey, baby, this is all gravy today. Now snap your fin... Snap it. You're not snappin' it... :'''Sykes''': ''[pulls his hand back]'' Oscar! :'''Oscar''': Hey, don't sweat it. A lot of white fish can't do it. :'''Sykes''': Oscar, would you just sit down, okay? :'''Oscar''': ''[Ernie and Bernie force him into a chair]'' Thank you. :'''Sykes''': I've been goin' over my markers. You're into me for five grand. 5G's, okay? :'''Oscar''': 5G's? Man, you tripping, 5G's. :'''Sykes''': Oh, yeah? See if ''[throws unpaid loan documents at Oscar] this'' refreshes your memory. :'''Oscar''': ''[As he picks them back up into a pile and places them on Sykes' desk]'' That's crazy, look at that. You wrote everything down so you wouldn't forget. This a perfect example of why you're in management, and I'm not. You go, boy. :'''Sykes''': Look, I have to start pay Don Lino protection, so everything you owe me, you owe him! :'''Oscar''': How you figure that? :'''Sykes''': Simple - the food chain! ''[pulls out chart]'' On top there's Don Lino, there's me, there's regular fish... :'''Oscar''': And that's me! :'''Sykes''': No. There's plankton, there's single-celled amoebas... :'''Oscar''': And then me! :'''Sykes''': I'm getting there, I'm getting there...There's coral, there's rocks, there's whale poo, and then there's you. :'''Oscar''': That's messed up. :'''Sykes''': So if Don Lino's squeezin' me... he's squeezin' ''you!'' :'''Oscar''': What? ''[the chart suddenly pulls up, catching Sykes in the chin]'' :'''Ernie''': Easy, boss. Find a happy place. :'''Sykes''': There ''is'' no happy place with him around! ''[agitated he puffs up; higher pitched] I'm SERIOUS!'' :'''Oscar''': AH! Alright, look! Just give me another chance-! I-I'm ''begging'' you, Sykes please! Please! :'''Sykes''': ''[high-pitched]'' All right. ''[deflates; normally]'' "Because I like you", I'm gonna give you 24 hours to pay up. :'''Oscar''': All of it? How am I supposed to do that? :'''Sykes''': That's your problem. Bring me 5,000 clams to the track tomorrow, or else. :'''Oscar''': Or else what? :'''Sykes''': The boys will explain. :''[exits his office]'' :''[Ernie and Bernie approach Oscar while grinning and laughing in a threatening manner; cut to black as they sting him as a warning]'' :'''Oscar''': ''[offscreen]'' Unpleasant. <hr width=50%/> :'''Angie''': 5,000 clams? You borrowed 5,000 clams from Mr. Sykes? Oscar, why do you get yourself into these situations? :'''Oscar''': I don't know, Ang. It's just hard, all right, because I'm a little fish in a big pond. A really big pond. The ocean. I'm a nobody. I want some of that. :'''Angie''': Mrs. Sanchez? :'''Oscar''': What? Ew. No. That. The top of the reef. Where the somebodies live. I wanna be rich and famous like them, but I'm stuck down here. :'''Angie''': Well, what's wrong with down here? :'''Oscar''': I'll tell you what's wrong with down here. Remember my dad? He worked at the Wash his whole life. ''[voiceover]'' He was the #1 tongue scrubber. Every year for 25 years. To me, working at the Wash, was the coolest job in the ocean. But then I learned something I will never forget. :'''Male Fish Student''': ''[in memory]'' Oscar's dad's a tongue scrubber! :'''Fish Students''': ''[in memory]'' Tongue scrubber! Tongue scrubber! Tongue scrubber! Tongue scrubber! Tongue scrubber! Tongue scrubber! :'''Oscar''': My dad was the greatest. But nobody loves a nobody. I want to be a somebody. :'''Angie''': Oscar, you don't have to live at the top of the reef to be a somebody. :'''Oscar''': What's the difference? If I don't pay Mr. Sykes back by tomorrow... I'm dead anyway, so... :'''Angie''': Wait here. :'''Oscar''': What's this? A pink pearl? :'''Angie''': Mm-hm. :'''Oscar''': Where'd you get that? :'''Angie''': My grandmother gave it to me. She said it started from a tiny grain of sand, but then, after a while, it grew into something beautiful. Dreams can begin small too. :'''Oscar''': No. No, I couldn't... :'''Angie''': Take it. It'll get you the money you need for Mr. Sykes. <hr width=50%/> :''[At a dinner in a shipwreck, Don Lino talks to Lenny about his recent behavior]'' :'''Don Lino''': ''[to Lenny]'' What do you mean you don't understand? What's there to understand? We've been over this 1,000 times. I don't want to have to say it again. You know, you're giving me agita, you know that? I don't know what else to say. Lenny, you see something, you kill it, you eat it. Period. ''[to the waiter]'' Thanks. ''[to Lenny]'' That's what sharks do. That's a fine tradition. What's the matter with you? Your brother, Frankie, here, he's a killer. :'''Frankie''': Thanks, Pop. :'''Don Lino''': He's beautiful. He does what he's supposed to do. ''[to Frankie]'' Wipe your face. ''[to Lenny]'' But you...I'm hearin' things. You gotta understand when you look weak, it makes me look weak. :'''Lenny''': I know. :'''Don Lino''': I can't have that. :'''Lenny''': Pop, I'm sorry. :'''Don Lino''': Lenny. Lenny. Look at me. ''[Lenny's staring at his menu]'' Look at me. ''[He looks up with an uninterested gaze]'' This handing over the business is for you. It's for the both of yous. A-And you're acting like you don't even want it. ''[Lenny shrugs]'' I need to know you can handle that. ''[sighs; He spots some shrimp in a glass, and glances back at Lenny]'' Alright, alright. ''[picks up the shrimp]'' Right here in front of me now, eat this. :'''Lenny''': Yeah. Oh, gee, thanks, Pop. Here's the thing. I'm on a diet. And I read an article about these shrimps, they're not good for ya. I tell you. You know how many calories are in one of those shrimps? ''[looks closer at his menu]'' A lot. :'''The Shrimp''': ''[to Don Lino]'' It's true. It's true and the other thing is..well.. my sister had a baby and I took it over because she passed away, and then the baby lost its legs and its arms and now it’s nothing but a stump, but I still take care of it with my wife and it's, It’s growing and it's.. it’s fairly happy, but it's difficult 'cause, I've been working a second shift at the factory to put food on the table, but all the love that I see in that little guy's face, makes it worth in the end… ''[mini pauses]'' True story." ''[Lenny wipes his tears with a sniff]'' :'''Don Lino''': ''[sighs]'' I'm not asking you anymore. I'm telling you. Eat it! :'''The Shrimp''': No, have mercy! :'''Lenny''': Pop, please... :'''Don Lino''': Eat! :'''The Shrimp''': No eat! :'''Lenny''': What are ya...No! :'''Don Lino''': Son, eat the shrimp! Eat! :'''Lenny''': No, please! :'''Don Lino''': Lenny! Eat, eat, eat! :'''Lenny''': ''[finally snaps]'' PUT THE SHRIMP DOWN! ''[grabs the other shrimp and lets them all go]'' Alright, go now. No one's looking. Get out of here. You're free now, go on. Go, go! :'''The Shrimp''': Thank you. You're a good person. ''[glares at Lino, cracking his knuckles with a punch, and Lino is angered. The shrimp gestures to some other shrimp]'' Come on, fellas. ''[they all left with him, Lenny notices his dad is angrily and embarrassed and sits down]'' :'''Frankie''': ''[trying to take some heat off of Lenny]'' Pop, I can handle the reef. It's not a problem. :'''Don Lino''': No. No. We're gonna do this as a family. Frankie, I want you to take Lenny out, and show him the ropes. :'''Frankie''': Oh, come on, Pop. :'''Don Lino''': ''[to Lenny]'' Son, you're gonna learn how to be a shark. Whether you like it or not. <hr width=50%/> :'''Sykes''': That kid better show up or he's dead meat. :'''Bernie''': Just say the word, boss. :'''Oscar''': Carrying a big ol' envelope full of money, gonna give it to Mr. Sykes. :'''Tip Fish #1''': Hurry up. This is our chance, we don't want to miss it. ''[knocks Oscar's money out of his hand as he passes by, causing Oscar to shriek a bit in surprise as he grabs it again]'' :'''Tip Fish #2''': You sure about this? :'''Tip Fish #1''': My trader friend tipped me off. The race is rigged. ''[Oscar listens in]'' We can't lose. :'''Tip Fish #2''': What's the horse's name? :'''Tip Fish #1''': Lucky Day. :'''Announcer''':... Lucky Day, at 200 to 1. :'''Tip Fish #1''': We're gonna be rich! :'''Tip Fish #2''': Rich! ''[Upon hearing about Lucky Day at the Seahorse Racetrack]'' :'''Oscar''': ''[excitedly]'' Ooh, top of the Reef, here I come! ''[stops himself]'' No, wait, what am I doing? Remember what Angie said remember what Angie said... What did Angie say? ''[In Oscar's fantasy]'' :'''Angie''': Dreams can begin small. You just have to...''bet it all!'' ''BET IT ALL!'' :'''Announcer''': ''And Lucky Day wins!'' :''[Oscar imagines himself living the high-life, then it cuts back to him holding the money. It cuts to him slamming the money on the table]'' :'''Oscar''': ''5,000 ON LUCKY DAY TO WIN!'' :'''Bet-taking Fish''': That's 200 to 1. That would pay a million clams! :'''Oscar''': ''[takes his ticket]'' Well I guess that makes me, Oscar...''The Millionaire.'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Lola''': Nice bet. ''[Oscar sheepishly giggles]'' You got a name? ''[He nods]'' You wanna tell me what it is? ''[Oscar giggles as he nods]'' Well, mine's Lola. :'''Oscar''': ''[blubbers]'' C'mon, man! Get your game face on! ''[slaps himself to tighten up as he yelps]'' So... ''[chuckles]'' Lola, my name's... Uh, My name is Oscar, sweetie. ''[gasps]'' Mrs. Sanchez. :'''Mrs. Sanchez''': The hippity-hop smooth talk don't work with me. :'''Oscar''': Oh, My bad. Hey, so, uh... :'''Sykes''': Oscar. I was starting to think you skipped out on me. :'''Oscar''': Sykes! Hey. Oh, I see you're already on your way to the concession stand. :'''Sykes''': What are you doing? :'''Oscar''': Mind bringing us back some drinks? That would be great, thanks. And some of them little wiener thingies. :'''Bernie''': The ones with the toothpicks? :'''Sykes''': What are you doing? Don't listen to him! :'''Oscar''': Come on, Lola let me escort you to... my box. :'''Security''': Your box?! :'''Sykes''': His box?! You can't even afford the gum under the seats! :'''Lola''': He just laid five grand on Lucky Day. I think he can afford anything he wants. ''[as she says this, Oscar makes various motions that she's crazy, only stopping with a sheepish wince]'' :'''Sykes''': Five grand? ''My five grand?!'' :'''Oscar''': No, it was another five grand. :'''Sykes''': You had the money to pay me back and you bet it ''anyway? [angrily takes his ticket]'' Gimme that! :'''Oscar''': Hold up. Sykes! :'''Lola''': Clearly, I've made a mistake. :'''Oscar''': No, no wait Lola! :'''Lola''': Look, deep down, I'm really superficial. ''[pulls Oscar close as if to kiss him]'' And don't get me wrong: you're cute, but... ''[whispers as she pushes him away]'' you're a nobody. ''[leaves]'' :''[Oscar became stunned]'' :'''Ernie''': ''[pretending to be Lola, puts mustard and ketchup on a hot dog on a stick so it looks like a face]'' Oscar, you're cute, but you're a nobody. :'''Bernie''': ''[pretending to be Oscar, also put mustard and ketchup on a hot dog on a stick so it looks like a face]'' Wait. Lola. Come back. I'm not a nobody. I'm a wiener! :''[They both laugh, much to Oscar's annoyance]'' :'''Sykes''': You're unbelievable. You're in trouble up to you gills, and still you're asking for more? Now, go on, get in here! <hr width=50%/> :'''Announcer''': ''The horses are lining up the post. [the bell rings and the seahorses rush out] And they're off! Out of the gates, it's Fish Fingers followed by Sea Biscuit and Salmonella. [Lucky Day can't open the gate] The long shot Lucky Day seems appears to be having trouble getting out of the gate.'' :'''Oscar''': What?! :'''Announcer''': ''Only a sucker could've bet on that horse!'' :'''Oscar''': ''[to Sykes]'' No, no, no. Don't sweat it, man. He does this all the time. He's just playin'. :'''Announcer''': ''[Lucky Day busts through the gate] But what's this? Lucky Day's gone crashing his way through the gate! And he's off and running! Down the straightaway, it's Sea Biscuit, Fish Fingers and Lucky Day.'' :'''Oscar''': Please, Lucky Day, go fast. Go fast. :'''Announcer''': ''Coming up the far turn, it's Sea Biscuit by a length, and Lucky Day well behind the pack. [Lucky Day catches up with the other seahorses] And here comes Lucky Day coming up from behind! He's passing, Yellowtail, Salmonella, and coming up on Fish Fingers!'' :'''Oscar''': See? See? Who's your fish now? Go! :'''Announcer''': ''Around the final turn, here comes Lucky Day! Lucky Day's done caught up to Fish Fingers! They're head-to-head! Neck-and-neck! [Lucky Day takes the lead] Lucky Day's pulling ahead!'' :'''Oscar''': Sweet! I'm gettin' tired just thinkin' about all that money! ''[Sykes laughs]'' :'''Announcer''': ''Look at Lucky Day go!'' :'''Oscar and Sykes''': ''[singing] We're moving on up! To the East Side!'' :'''Announcer''': ''Absolutely amazing! This looks to be Lucky Day's big day! It's Lucky Day! [Lucky Day speeds up too fast and accidentally punches himself with his tail, causing him to tumble] Ooh, what happened?!? Lucky Day is down!'' :'''Oscar and Sykes''': ''We're moving on up! [they both embrace]'' :'''Sykes''': ''To the East Side!'' :'''Oscar''': ''[sees what's happenin' on the track, slow-motion] '''NOOOOOOOOO!!!''''' :'''Announcer''': ''[as the other seahorses pass Lucky Day] And here comes Fish Fingers, followed by Sea Biscuit, Yellowtail... and Fish Fingers wins.'' :'''Sykes''': What happened? Let me see. :'''Oscar''': Wait, wait, wait! I just wanna hold you. :'''Sykes''': Hey, Oscar, get outta my way. Let me see. ''[sees that Lucky Day has lost]'' :'''Announcer''': ''What a sad day for Lucky Day.'' :'''Oscar''': Uh, remember your happy place, Sykes. :'''Announcer''': ''And that's why they call him the long shot.'' :'''Oscar''': Yo, that was crazy, right? Who knew? I mean, everything's set, it's a lock, we good to go, we in the money, and he trips underwater. Who in the halibut trips underwater? ''[Sykes, seething with silent anger, rips the ticket up into small shreds]'' And by the way, on what? :'''Sykes''': That's it! That's it! I've had it! ''[puffs up; in a higher pitch]'' Ernie, Bernie, I want you to find the deepest, darkest hole in the ocean, and when you do, dig deeper, and put him in it! ''[inadvertedly pops a fish's balloon, causin' her to screams. Oscar is tied and gagged and thrown into a whale's mouth]'' Sorry, kid. It's nothing personal. It's just business. ''[Ernie closes the whale's mouth. Cut to the Oscar is bound and gagged with seaweed while Ernie and Bernie stings him for fun]'' :'''Ernie and Bernie''': ''[singing]'' 🎵 [[Bob Marley|Don't worry / About a thing / 'Cause every little thing / Is gonna be all right.]] 🎵 :'''Ernie''': This is how you sing it, Oscar. :'''Bernie''': Yeah. :'''Ernie''': Sykes, he like you, mon. :'''Bernie''': He say take it easy on you. :'''Ernie''': But Sykes is not here. ''[laughs]'' :'''Bernie''': True. Ernie, let me ask you a question. :'''Ernie''': Yeah, mon? Go on. :'''Bernie''': Why is it that me locks can sting other people, but they do not affect me or you? ''[zaps Ernie, who screams]'' Ernie! I didn't mean it, Ernie! I didn't mean it, mon! ''[Ernie laughs and points at Bernie]'' Ernie, you made a joke! Good one, mon! Respect! :'''Ernie''': Respect! :'''Bernie''': Bloodfire! <hr width=50%/> :''[Frankie and Lenny are swimming out of Lino's shipwreck]'' :'''Lenny''': Frankie, you know I can't do this. :'''Frankie''': Lenny, if you wanna make Pop happy, you've gotta kill something. :'''Lenny''': Or, I could find an old, sick fish and just wait. :'''Frankie''': It's getting around, the other day at the restaurant, you know how fish talk. Biddi-bip, biddi-bop, this-that, the other, then how you doing? Boom! Forget about it, ya dead. :'''Lenny''': Okay, seriously, I can't understand wise-guy, so you're gonna have to be specific. :'''Frankie''': Oh specific? You want specific? ''[smacks him]'' Be a shark for once in your life! :'''Lenny''': Ow! ''[downhearted]'' Oh, what am I going to do? :'''Frankie''': ''[apologetically]'' Oh, Lenny, look, we do a couple practice runs, badda-bing, badda-boom, Pop's happy, you're a shark, life goes on, capisce? :'''Lenny''': Okay, okay, capisce. :'''Frankie''': ''[noticing Oscar's anchoring]'' Wait, wait, Whoa. Bingo. Right there, dead ahead. You see it? TV Dinner. ''[the two hunker on the outer border of the divot]'' Don't get easier than this. :'''Lenny''': Alright. Come on. Eye of the tiger. Frankie, I can do this! What if I can't do this? :'''Frankie''': Then don't bother coming home. :'''Lenny''': Good point! All right. [''he swims to the bottom of the wasteland''.] :'''Bernie''': Hit him in the tail again. I like the funny face he make. :'''Ernie''': On the face. Yeah. :'''Bernie''': ''[noticing Lenny's approach]'' Ernie! :'''Ernie''': BLOW OUT! ''[they swim away in panic]'' :'''Oscar''': ''[Manages to get an arm free and removes his gag]'' Uh… Guys? Guys, don't leave me alone. Come on, there could be sharks out here! :'''Lenny''': [''he is near, Oscar notices him and screams''] Oh, no. Wait. I'm sorry. No, no, no. I'm not gonna… :'''Frankie''': Lenny. :'''Lenny''': What? :'''Frankie''': Like this. ''[makes animalistic chews motions and sounds, Lenny licks Oscar's back, only to recoil in disgust]'' :'''Oscar''': Just get it over with. Wait a minute. Do me a favor, don't chew me. I'm not for that. :'''Lenny''': I'm not gonna eat you. :'''Oscar''': Come on! Don't do the whole head trip thing with me. :'''Lenny''': Listen to me. Don't move until I tell you. ''[bites the seaweed free]'' :'''Oscar''': Ahhh! Back up! ''[Lenny makes animalistic noises as he fans the sand around him to make a cloud and obscure Frankie's vision]'' :'''Frankie''': That's it, Len. There you go, buddy! That's it. Wave those fins, baby! Dig in! :'''Lenny''': ''[snarls]'' Look, I'm just pretending so you can get away. Now, when I turn around, you take off. Tastes just like chicken. ''[Turns around acting like he has devoured Oscar]'' Mmm. Mmm. :'''Frankie''': ''[seeing Oscar behind Lenny; facepalming]'' [[Arthur (TV series)|Oh, no!]] ''[Lenny looks and notice Oscar is still there.]'' OH!! :'''Lenny''': What did I tell you?! :'''Oscar''': I'm sorry. I didn't get it. You want me to go now? :'''Lenny''': What are you doing? Just go! :'''Frankie''': That's it! I've had enough to here! ''[snarls. Having enough of Lenny not eating Oscar, Frankie charged right at Oscar to eat him.]'' :'''Oscar''': Oh, no! :'''Lenny''': Hurry! Swim! No, Frankie, wait! :'''Oscar''': '''''NO!!!''''' Get you boy! Get you boy! EEF! EEV! '''''OH, NO!''''' :'''Frankie''': STOP! ''[Before Frankie can eat Oscar, then Oscar screams and a massive anchor hit Frankie on the head before he could bite the fish.]'' :'''Lenny''': ''[gasps]'' Frankie! ''[he bites the chain of the anchor and throws the anchor to the other side]'' :'''Frankie''': Lenny... ''[coughs]'' Lenny, is that you? :'''Lenny''': I'm here, Frankie. :'''Frankie''': Come closer. :'''Lenny''': Yes. What is it? :'''Frankie''': I'm so cold... :'''Lenny''': That's just because we're cold-blooded. ''[Frankie slaps him last time]'' Ow! :'''Frankie''': ''[latest words]'' Moronic. ''[dies]'' :'''Lenny''': Frankie, nooooo. ''[gasps]'' '''NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!''' ''[sobs]'' This is all my fault! I'm so sorry, Frankie! How am I ever gonna explain this to Pop...? ''[gasps]'' Oh, no! ''[swims away and passes Oscar, who squeaks and lands in front of the now-deceased Frankie]'' :'''Oscar''': ''[finds Frankie dead behind him, thinks he's alive, and starts screaming crazily]'' Watch it! Back up! I'm crazy! I be tripping! ''[makes karate moves and noises until he accidentally kicks Bernie]'' :'''Bernie''': Ow! What the...?! ''[Oscar, Ernie, and Bernie all screams loudly; Oscar hides behind the dead Frankie, protesting]'' Don't hurt us! We're sorry! It was all Ernie's idea! ''[Ernie nods, then looks at Bernie angrily. Then they were surprised]'' :'''Ernie''': Oscar? Did you kill that shark?! :'''Oscar''': ''[looks down at Frankie's body before having an idea]'' Uh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Exactly how it looks; that's how it is. :'''Bernie''': What happened? :'''Oscar''': Oh, you… you wanna know what happened. :'''Bernie''': Yes, Mon. :'''Ernie''': You're standing on top of a shark, Mon. :'''Oscar''': I'll tell you what happen. :''[Cut to the outside of the Whale Wash, as Oscar tells lies to the fish about killing the shark]'' :'''Oscar''': Big old shark comes at me. 75, hundred feet long, with razor-sharp teeth. :'''Angie''': Ooh razors. :'''Oscar''': I say to him, "You coming at me like that? You come at the O like that?" :'''Angie''': Hey, do the muscle thing! The muscle thing! :'''Oscar''': Oh, right. So I say, "You see this guy?" ''[points at right bicep]'' "Well, he has a brother who lives right over here." ''[points at left bicep]'' "And I think it's time for a little..." :'''Oscar and Angie''': Family reunion! :''[Everyone cheers]'' :'''Bernie''': You see, mon. I told you. :'''Ernie''': We were right there. Right here. :'''Katie Current''': Pardon me. Move it! :'''Bernie''': Oh. Sorry. Sorry. She seems so nice on TV. :'''Katie Current''': Oscar, Katie Current. As the first fish in history to ever take on a shark and win, tell me: Does this mean you're now protector of the reef, new sheriff in town? :'''Oscar''': Katie, I'm gonna keep it real. I can call you Katie, right? :'''Katie Current''': Of course. :'''Oscar''': Any shark try to mess around in Oscar's town is going down! ''[crowd cheering]'' :'''Oscar''': Yeah, it's poetic. In the heat I get poetic. :'''Lola''': Oscar. Hmm. Oscar. :'''Sykes''': ''[shooting the press away]'' Get out of here, you barracudas. Any further questions will be fielded by me. :'''Katie Current''': And you are? :'''Sykes''': I'm his manager. Sykes, with a "y". :'''Crazy Joe''': And I'm his financial advisor. ''[everyone turns confused to Joe]'' You want to see my puppets? [raspy voice] Hello. :'''Oscar''': Could you excuse us for a moment, please? ''[to Sykes in a hushed tone]'' My manager? :'''Sykes''': Kid, you're a superstar. We're gonna make a fortune! Just let me handle it. :'''Oscar''': What about the 5G's? :'''Sykes''': Forget the 5G's. From now on, we're partners. :'''Oscar''': So what are we talking about here? :'''Sykes''': I'm thinking 90-10 split. :'''Oscar''': That's generous. :'''Sykes''': You're the I'm 10 I take my 90 off the top. :'''Oscar''': I don't think so. :'''Sykes''': Talk to me. :'''Oscar''': You get 15. :'''Sykes''': 70. :'''Oscar''': 20. :'''Sykes''': 75. :'''Oscar''': Dude, you're goin' the wrong way. :'''Oscar and Sykes''': 50/50. :'''Sykes''': You happy? :'''Oscar''': No. You happy? :'''Sykes''': No. :'''Oscar and Sykes''': Deal. ''[They dap one another up successfully]'' :'''Oscar''': My manager and I are now prepared to take your questions. :'''Katie Current''': Oscar, are you going to continue working here at the Wash? :'''Oscar''': Please, I barely work here now. ''[everyone laughs]'' :'''Sykes''': Keep it up, kid. You're slaying 'em. :'''Katie Current''': No. He's slaying sharks. :'''Sykes''': Hey, that's good. That's good, I like that. Oscar the Sharkslayer. :'''Shorties''': Whoa! A sharkslayer. :'''Katie Current''': You heard it here first. From now on, any shark tries to bother this reef, it's his funeral. <hr width=50%/> :''[Meanwhile the Sharks mourn the loss of Frankie.]'' :'''Shark''': Nomine Patri, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. :'''Don Feinberg''': ''[singing]'' [[Bette Midler|I could fly higher than an eagle...If you are the wind beneath my wings]] ''[coughs]'' Frankie, we'll miss you. :'''All''': To Frankie. :'''Giuseppe''': It's a terrible thing, Don Lino. Everybody loved Frankie. May whoever did this die a thousand deaths. May his stinking, maggot-covered corpse rot in the fiery depths of hell! :'''Don Lino''': Thank you for your kind thoughts, Giuseppe. :'''Giuseppe''': Oh, and may Lenny be found safe and sound too. Hope he's okay. :'''Don Lino''': Oh, Lenny... :'''Luca''': Don't worry, Boss. :'''Don Lino''': I said some things to him... We gotta find him. :'''Luca''': We're searching everywhere. Forget about it, he'll turn up. :'''Don Lino''': What's wrong with that kid? Why's he gotta be so different? Frankie, God rest his soul, he was perfect. Perfect. ''[Lenny, who has been eavesdropping outside of the window leaves with a muffled sobs]'' Oh... Luca. Who could have done this? :'''Don Feinberg''': Don Lino, at this most difficult time, please accept my deepest condolences. :'''Don Lino''': Thank you, Don Feinberg, for honoring my son with your song. :'''Don Feinberg''': I got some news, about the guy who took out Frankie. ''[he passes gas and the bubble knocks out an orca standing behind him]'' :'''Don Lino''': Let's... Yeah, let's talk over here. ''[They swim to the window]'' :'''Don Feinberg''': He come out of nowhere, this guy. Calls himself... ''[turns around with a flourish]'' The Sharkslayer! :'''Don Lino''': ''[behind him tapping his shoulder]'' Ira, over here... :'''Don Feinberg''': ''[turns to face Lino, makes the flourish again]'' Sorry. The Sharkslayer! :'''Don Lino''': Where do I find him? :'''Don Feinberg''': He lives on the South Side. That's all we could dig up. ''[to the other sharks]'' Any other requests? :'''Don Lino''': Hey, Luca. :'''Don Feinberg''': ''[offscreen]'' How about that Titanic song? :'''Other Sharks''': ''[offscreen; groaning]'' Oh, please no! Not again! :'''Don Lino''': ''[to Luca; getting more and more vengeful as he speaks]'' Get Sykes. He knows that Reef better than anybody. I want to know all about this guy. I want to know what he does. I want to know where he eats. I want to know where he sleeps. He pops a gill, I want to know about it. '''''Who is the Sharkslayer?''''' <hr width=50%/> :'''Male Fish''': Here he is. The Sharkslayer. ''[Mary J. Blige: "Got To Be Real"]'' :''[As the music played, Oscar becomes famous and had his picture on banners, screens and magazines. He even had his own apartment in the penthouse.]'' :'''Oscar''': Let's get this party started right! :''[The scene changes into a dance party]'' :'''Sykes''': There he is, the big O. :'''Oscar''': Sykes. :'''Sykes''': Pound that dog. Pound it. ''[dancing awkwardly]'' Oscar, raise the reef. Raise the reef, buddy. :'''Oscar''': ''[uncomfy]'' Uh, yeah... :'''Sykes''': Oh, yeah. Hot. :'''Oscar''': ''[distracted]'' Yeah, that's pretty... :'''Sykes''': Come on, cabbage patch. Cabbage patch. :'''Oscar''': ''[noticing Angie]'' Angie, you made it. :'''Angie''': Wait, you're gonna break my gift. :'''Oscar''': Come on. You didn't have to get me anything. What'd you get me? :'''Angie''': What does every bachelor pad need? :'''Oscar''': A lava lamp? How did you know I love lava lamps? You know what, I'm gonna put it right here next to my other one. ''[the other lava lamp in question is massive and green]'' Hey, come on, Ang. I wanna show you the best thing about this place. ''[staring out at the rest of the reef]'' How great is this view? :'''Angie''': Top of the reef. It's amazing. :'''Oscar''': I know. It's beautiful, right? :'''Angie''': Like you...r new apartment. It's... Wow. Awesome. What I'm trying to say is that I'm proud of you. :'''Oscar''': Yeah. It was nothing, really, you know. Hey... Hey, oh, you know what, wait right here. Don't move. I'll be right back. Girl, you are gonna flip. :''[He swims off and returns.]'' :'''Oscar''': I'm back. :'''Angie''': You're back. :'''Oscar''': You know, Ang...Where I am now, this whole new life I got, and all my dreams coming true... In a weird kinda way, I never could have done it without you. :'''Angie''': Oh, sure you could. Well, probably not. ''[chuckles]'' :'''Oscar''': Ang. Here. ''[he pulls out a box]'' :'''Angie''': Oh! Oscar! :'''Oscar''': I know. I know. I'm just sorry that it took so long. :'''Angie''': That's okay. :'''Oscar''': ''[he opens it to show a pearl]'' Bam! Huh? :'''Angie''': My grandmother's pearl. :'''Oscar''': ''[he reveals it as a pearl necklace]'' With interest! Now, I don't forget anything, and I never forget who my friends are. Ang, I... :'''Lola''': Oh, hi. I'm not interrupting something, am I? :'''Angie''': Yes, we're talking. :'''Oscar''': No. Hey, Lola. Wow. You're here. You, er, you gotta come best my meet friend, Angie. Uh, uh, eat my best men, Wangie...? :'''Lola''': Your best friend? Oh, that's sweet. So you won't mind if I steal him for a while, will you? ''[they enter the penthouse again]'' So, look who's a somebody after all. :'''Oscar''': Well, you know... :'''Random Fish''': ''[enters the penthouse while panicking] SHARKS! THE SHARKS! ON THE- ON THE EDGE OF THE REEF! THEY'RE GREAT WHITES!'' :''[Everyone panics]'' :'''Oscar''': EVERYONE, GO HOME! SPEND THE LAST FEW HOURS Y'ALL HAVE WITH EACH OTHER! ''[everyone stops screaming and looks at him with a belief pauses out]'' Oh...! I mean...that's how it used to be around here...but not since Oscar came to town! :''[Everyone cheers as Oscar pretends to growl with the grunt while stepping in the elevator. And as soon the elevator doors closes, Oscar begins sobbing and wailing all the way down]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[Oscar's hiding from two sharks sent to find Lenny in some kelp]'' :'''Oscar''': ''[to himself]'' Phew, that was close. :'''Lenny''': ''[appears behind him]'' Super close. ''[in fear, Oscar looks up to see him above]'' Don't panic. ''[Oscar looks down, and is about to screams but his mouth is covered]'' Quiet, a-bup-bup! We're safe. :'''Oscar:''': Oh, not you again! :'''Lenny''': Yeah. ''[suddenly]'' AHH WHAT WAS THAT?! :'''Oscar''': Oh, what is with you, man?! :'''Lenny''': Shh! He could be anywhere! :'''Oscar''': ''[gasps]'' Who? :'''Lenny:''' The Sharkslayer... :'''Oscar''': ''[laughs]'' There's no Sharkslayer around here. :'''Lenny''': Tchee-he-ha-ha. Yes, there is! :'''Oscar''': ''[mockingly]'' Tchee-he-ha-ha. No, there is not! Trust me on this one. :'''Lenny''': ''[sporadicly]'' Get a hold of yourself, man! This is no time to act crazy! :'''Oscar''': Hey, you're the one acting crazy, crazy! :'''Lenny''': ''[sighs; slaps himself]'' You're right. I'm sorry. I haven't been myself since the... the, uh... Don't cry. ''[cries in anguish]'' :'''Oscar''': No, no, it's not all that. Just relax. :'''Lenny''': ''[sorrowfully]'' It's my fault...! Kinda... not really... but still. My brother...! :'''Oscar''': You just need a little time, man. Look, the...things'll work out. :'''Lenny''': You think? :'''Oscar''': Yeah. So, look, I'm gonna take off...And you should just go home, Okay? :'''Lenny''': Okay. :'''Oscar''': Hey, good luck, dawg. :'''Lenny''': ''[grabs him]'' Wait! :'''Oscar''': What, man? :'''Lenny''': Uh, I didn't catch your name. :'''Oscar''': Gngh, Oscar! :'''Lenny''': I'm Lenny, hi! :'''Oscar''': Hi. :'''Lenny''': Where... where do you live? :'''Oscar''': ''[trying to get out of his grip]'' Lenny, where I'm from, fish don't like getting grabbed by sharks, okay? :'''Lenny''': I'm sorry. :'''Oscar''': Now, go home! :'''Lenny''': There is no home for me anymore, don't you understand that?! :'''Oscar''': ''[breaking out]'' You're too big to be grabbing on me like that! :'''Lenny''': Take me home with you! :'''Oscar''': Shh! :'''Lenny''': You won't even notice I'm there, I'm like the invisible shark! ''[he covers his eyes then uncovers them as Oscar looks at him increduosly]'' :'''Oscar''': ''[silent but angrily-ish] ARE YOU '''CRAZY?!''''' <hr width=50%/> :''[Lenny laughs uproariously]'' :'''Oscar''': I am the Sharkslayer; ''Oscar the Sharkslayerer!'', that's what people say. :'''Lenny''': ''[coming to a realization]'' Wait. You mean you...? :'''Oscar''': Uh-huh. :'''Lenny''': When the anchor... ''[gasps dramatically before smirking]'' Oh, you're a liar! :'''Oscar''': What? ''[scoffs]'' Please, I didn't lie! ''[Lenny gives him an "Oh, really?" glare]'' Alright, I lied. But it was a little lie! <hr width=50%/> :''[Both Oscar and Lenny are sneaking through Southside drain unseen]'' :'''Oscar''': ''[whispers]'' Alright, Lenny. follow my every move, and don't make a sound. :'''Lenny''': ''[whispers]'' You got it. ''[echoes]'' Oh an echo. ''[a little louder]'' Echooo! Now batting for the Southside Sharks #15- ''[Oscar slaps him]'' Ow! It's not okay to hit! <hr width=50%/> :'''Lenny''': Gee, if Pop knew that, he'd ice you for sure. :'''Oscar''': [chuckles] "Ice?" What's he, the Godfather or something? :'''Lenny''': Yeah. :'''Oscar''': ''[still chuckles]'' What do you mean "Yeah?" :'''Lenny''': Yeah, he is. ''[Oscar realizes this and gulps in fear as the background spins behind him]'' Hey. Are you alright? ''[Then the background drops backwards to the ground, and the shark from Oscar's right gobbles him up. We pull back as it was revealed to be the video games that Ernie and Bernie are playing video game]'' :'''Bernie''': [[The Fox and the Hound|Oh, man. I told you.]] :'''Ernie''': I'm doing it. :'''Bernie''': [[w:PlayStation 2|X, circle, X X, double left square, right trigger, down, square, square.]] :'''Ernie''': [[w:PlayStation 5|Oh, double square!]] Respect. :'''Bernie''': Respect. <hr width=50%/> :''[Sykes is talking to Lino over the phone]'' :'''Oscar''': Sykes. :'''Bernie''': Hey, Oscar. :'''Oscar''': Oh! Hey, Sykes. :'''Sykes''': ''[to Oscar]'' Hey, hey, hey. There he is, my brother, my player, the Sharkslayer! :'''Oscar''': Yeah, whatever, Sykes, listen... :'''Sykes''': ''[to Lino over the phone]'' And another thing: from now on, you're gonna have to start paying ME protection! :'''Oscar''': Sykes, the deal is off. That shark I killed was Don Lino's son. :'''Sykes''': I know! Ain't it great? :'''Oscar''': Not if he finds out! :'''Sykes''': What do you mean, "find out"? I've got him on the phone right now! ''[Oscar's eyes widen in fear]'' That's right, Lino. I've got the Sharkslayer right here in front of me. :'''Oscar''': ''[throat gesture while shaking his head]'' Mm-mm! Mm-mm! :'''Sykes''': ''[over the phone]'' And he's gonna slay you, and all your sharks. :'''Oscar''': Sykes, shut up! '''''SHUT... UP!''''' :'''Sykes''': Hey, hey, that's good. That's good, I like that! Shut up, Lino! Ha! SHUT UP! ''[Oscar groans]'' What? Oh, kid, he wants to talk to you. :'''Oscar''': ''[whispers]'' No. I'm not here. I'm not here! :'''Sykes''': Yeah, he's right here. ''[hands Oscar the phone]'' :'''Oscar''': ''[quiet high-pitched voice]'' Hello? :'''Don Lino''': ''[furious]'' "Shut up"? "''Shut up''"?! You don't tell ''ME'' "shut up", I tell ''YOU'' "shut up"! ''[As he talks, beeping is heard on the other side of the phone]'' What? Hello? :'''Luca''': Yeah, how ya doin'? Lemme have a pie with everything on it. Anchovies, meatballs, mushrooms- :'''Don Lino''': ''[startled and annoyed]'' Luca? :'''Luca''': Oh, hi, Boss. What are you doin' workin' at a pizza joint? :'''Don Lino''': ''[enraged]'' '''''GET OFF THE PHONE!!!''''' :'''Luca''': But I'm hungry! ''[reluctantly hangs up]'' :'''Don Lino''': ''[shakes his head in frustration, then returns his attention to Oscar]'' My guys are comin' for you, Sharkslayer! They're gonna tear you '''''FIN FROM FIN!''''' ''[slams the phone down in a rage, leaves Oscar frozen with horror]'' :'''Sykes''': ''[still oblivious to Oscar]'' C'mon, now who's your puff daddy, huh? Who takes care of you, huh? Huh? ''[turns to Ernie and Bernie play the Sharkslayer video game]'' C'mon, you two. We've got work to do. ''[turns off the TV]'' :'''Ernie''': Aww! Mon, I was winning! :'''Oscar''': ''[unsuccessfully tries to get Sykes' attention as the latter makes his way to the elevator]'' Sykes, Sykes, hold - Look, you've got it all wrong! :'''Sykes''': They're gonna write songs about you, kid. ''[sings]'' ''Oh, the shark bites...'' :'''Oscar''': Sykes! :'''Sykes''': ''With his teeth, dear.'' :'''Oscar''': Sykes, please! :'''Sykes''': ''And then Oscar...'' :'''Oscar''': Sykes! :'''Sykes''': ''Kicked his butt. [The elevator closes in Oscar's face]'' :'''Oscar''': Sykes! Sykes, man! ''[attempts to open the elevator]'' Come on! :'''Lola''': Maybe I can help. :'''Oscar''': Ooh. Hey Lola what are you doing here just popping out sometime places. <hr width=50%/> :''[Oscar sneaks back to the storage room]'' :'''Angie''': ''[suddenly appears at the storage room door]'' Hello, Oscar. :'''Oscar''': ''[screams; then catches his breath]'' Angie! Hey! W-what are you doing here? :'''Angie''': ''[innocently]'' What, Oscar, forget something? :'''Oscar''': W-W-Well, I-I-I— :'''Angie''': Maybe your forgot... ''[slams the door, revealing Lenny behind it]'' ...your shark?! :'''Lenny''': ''[sipping the soda]'' Hi. :'''Oscar''': Uh...SHARK! SWIM, ANGIE! I'LL COVER YA! GO ON WITHOUT ME! :'''Angie''': Oh, stop it! Your pet shark told me everything! :'''Oscar''': ''[shocked]'' Dang, Lenny?! Why?! :'''Lenny''': Don't look at me, I don't know! I like her! :'''Angie''': ''[friendly]'' Thanks you too. ''[then furiously to Oscar]'' WHAT were you THINKING, bringin' him here?! :'''Oscar''': Well...I'm still working out the kinks... :'''Angie''': Kinks?! You LIED! Everybody thinks you "slayed the shark!" How could you lie to me, Oscar?! ME?! :'''Oscar''': Don't take it personal, Angie! Come on, I lied to EVERYBODY! ''[Angie glares at him]'' All right, I totally betrayed you, but before we work this out, I got a small thing to take care of. :'''Angie''': Oh, yeah? What's that? :'''Oscar''': ''SHARKS'' are COMING to GET ME!! :'''Angie''': And they ''should''! What did you expect? You just take credit for killin' a shark and then everything would be fine and dandy for the rest of your life?! :'''Oscar''': Uh...yeah. But don't worry. Me and Lenny, we're gonna take care of this... :'''Lenny''': Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's with the "we"? I don't want any part of this! :'''Oscar''': Hey, too late now, veggie boy. They'll be looking for you, too! :'''Lenny''': Point taken. What's the plan? :'''Angie''': Oscar, here's the plan. ''You'' tell the truth. ''[to Lenny]'' And ''you'', go home. ''[Oscar and Lenny both stare at each other and then they both laugh]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[Oscar is pretends to battle Lenny in front of the fish city]'' :'''Oscar''': Do you hear them, Lenny?! They are going crazy, man! They love us! :'''Lenny''': They love ''you''. They hate ''me''! :'''Oscar''': ''[shocked]'' What?! :'''Lenny''': Can we switch sides? Maybe I can be the Fishslayer! They'll never see it coming! :'''Oscar''': Come on, man! Look. You sell this, you'll never have to go home again! You could start a new life! ''[Lenny nods his head understandingly]'' Now gimme a growl! :'''Lenny''': Okay. ''[purrs; he then clears his throat and roars loudly in Oscar's face]'' Like that? :'''Oscar''': That was...pretty good! <hr width=50%/> :''[At the Whale Wash]'' :'''Sykes''': ''[on the phone, while watches Oscar slay Lenny on TV]'' I don't think you understand how huge my client is. Turn on your TV right now! <hr width=50%/> :''[Lenny accidentally eats Oscar; at the Whale Wash]'' :'''Sykes''': ''[still on the phone]'' Turn off the TV, turn off the TV! ''[Back to Lenny]'' :'''Oscar''': ''[from inside Lenny's mouth]'' Don't... swallow. :'''Lenny''': Oscar? :'''Oscar''': No, it's [[Pinocchio (1940 film)|Pinocchio.]] Of course it's me! Why did you do that?! :'''Lenny''': I'm sorry... :'''Oscar''': No, "sorry" is when you step on somebody's fin at the theater! Yeah, that's "sorry"! "Sorry" is when you say "Hey, when's the baby due?" and it turns out the person's just FAT! No, this is as ''far away from "sorry"'' as you can ''possibly'' get! :'''Lenny''': Oscar, I think I'm gonna puke... :'''Oscar''': Oh, no, no, no, no...Lenny, just open up, nice and easy. ''[Lenny opens his mouth very slowly as he pretends to free himself in front of the crowd]'' [[w:Gladiator (film)|ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!]] ''[the crowd cheers]'' [[w:A Few Good Men (film)|YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!]] ''[the crowd cheers again]'' [[w:Jerry Maguire|YOU HAD ME AT HELLO!]] ''[The crowd cheers again; at the Whale Wash]'' :'''Sykes''': ''[still on the phone]'' Turn on your TV! What are you doing turning off your TV?! Turn it back on! <hr width=50%/> :''[Both Oscar and Lenny perform "The Flying Fish" as Oscar throws Lenny, who screamed, at the lights]'' :'''Lenny''': Uh-oh! ''[falls down to the abyss with a slow motion screams, then normal; Oscar kills Lenny]'' [[Open Season 2|'''''(WHOA, YOU KNOW WHAT, OSCAR, YOU CRASHED IT AND) CURSE YOU, SHARKSLAYEEEERER!!!? (CURSE YOU!)''''']] ''[then swims next to the pipe in stuck, screams once moreness perhaps, then notices the echoes as Oscar screams in off-screen, and Lenny snorts]'' Oscar, that's was great falling down abyss, then Oscar's victory. Ah, oh, ow, ow, ow, dow! OW! Crrsh! That is gonna hurt. Darn it! This is ridiculous! How could I have to the secret of [[Jonah: A VeggieTales Movie|whales and orcas]] because getting out of this pipes together. ''[to Oscar; off-screen]'' We just gonna get outta here was pipes. That was falling off this reef. :'''Oscar''': Uh. No! '''''AAAAAGGGHHH!!!''''' ''[rolls his eyes, then swims upwards; to Luca and the other sharks; angrily in raising voice very loudly after the crashing sound]'' [[Wreck-It Ralph|Nope! Sorry, Lenny, you cannot escape from pipe. Yeah. It was claimed my victory! And you tell Don ''LAME-O's'' it be dangerous '''''that I don't kills the sharks and I'll never, ever, ever, ever, OR NEVER EVER WANNA SEE ANOTHER SHARKS IN THIS REEF NEVER EVER ANYONE HURTING AGAAAAAAIIIIIIN!!! EVEEEEEEERS! EVER AGAIN!''''']] ''[they swim away in fears]'' Remember this name: '''''OSCAR THE SHARKSLAYER!''''' ''[The crowd cheers]'' :'''Sykes''': Aha! You see, you see? ''[?]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[After Angie sees Oscar kissing Lola]'' :'''Angie''': PRIVATE?! The entire reef saw you do it! :'''Oscar''': Hey, whoa. Somebody's in a bad mood. C'mon, Ang, lemme see that smile. Show me the smile, baby— :'''Angie''': Knock it off! :'''Oscar''': Eh...What has gotten into you? :'''Angie''': ME?! Oh, I swear, something I wanna take you big dumb dummy head and just... ''[punched her hand]'' Nnnyyyhh!!! :'''Oscar''': Ang, Ang, what is the problem? :'''Angie''': Problem?! There's no problem! I don't have any problem! Miss Perfect is the one with the problem! :'''Lenny''': Um, hey, you guys. :'''Oscar''': What you got against Lola? :'''Angie''': Not my lips. That's for sure. :'''Oscar''': Okay. What's going on? :'''Lenny''': I'm gonna stay out of this one. :'''Oscar''': Look, Why would you even care about Lola anyway. :'''Angie''': I don't! :'''Oscar''': Ya don't. :'''Angie''': No! :'''Oscar''': No what?! :'''Angie''': I don't know! :'''Lenny''': Hey guys, you wanna get... :'''Oscar and Angie''': NO! :'''Angie''': Just tell me, Oscar, 'cause I'm curious - why do you think she's interested, huh? Do you believe she would even be with you if you weren't the rich and famous sharkslayer? :'''Lenny''': Oh, you guys, please don't fight. :'''Angie''': Are you that blind?! :'''Oscar''': At least she treats me like I'm somebody! :'''Angie''': Yeah, but would she love you if you were nobody?! :'''Oscar''': ''[angrily]'' '''''NOBODY LOVED ME WHEN I WAS NOBODY!''''' :'''Angie''': ''[emotional]'' '''I DID!''' ''[Oscar is stunned; sadly swims her back on him]'' Before the money...And before the fame. ''[turns back to Oscar]'' Before the lie. To me, you were a somebody, Oscar. Now you're nothing but a fake. A sham. A con. You're a joke. ''[Oscar felt hurt at Angie's words, Angie looked down]'' :'''Lenny''': Here I come... ''[pops out from behind the curtains]'' Tah-dah! ''[singsong]'' Sebastian the Whale-Washin' Dolphin! ''[mimics dolphin clicks, but looks at them when calming down]'' :'''Oscar''': Angie... :'''Angie''': No, forget it! Just go! 'Cause I'm tired of hearing how everything you had in your life wasn't good enough. Including me. :''[Oscar then sadly swims away]'' :'''Lenny''': Angie? :'''Angie''': Oh, honey, I'm...I'm sorry. Go...Go back and do it again. :'''Lenny''': Hey, come on. ''[wipes her tears away]'' It'll be okay. <hr width=50%/> :'''Oscar''': You can't handle the truth. You've got Shark Breath. :'''Mrs. Sanchez''': What you kids doing? How many times I have to tell you? It's past your bed time. Go on. :'''Crazy Joe''': Hey. What are you kids up to? That looks pretty good. You should do this for a living. :'''Whale''': Preparation "O". It slays hemorrhoids like Oscar slays sharks. Hey, Oscar. Preparation O. :'''Oscar''': Angie was right. I am a joke. :'''Lola''': Hey, Sharkslayer. Why are you out here? All your friends are inside. :'''Oscar''': Not all my friends. :'''Lola''': You mean that little bottom feeder from the Whale Wash? Forget about her. She's a nobody. :'''Oscar''': No, I'm the nobody. :'''Lola''': ''[laughs]'' Oh, let me guess. She told you that she loves you. Is that it? ''[laughs]'' It's not like you feel the same way about her. ''[laughs]'' :'''Oscar''': ''[realizing he loves Angie more than Lola]'' You know, I don't think this is gonna work out. :'''Lola''': ''[chuckles, but then stops]'' Wait. Are you dumping me? ''[Oscar sadly nods, but gasps as she gives him a livid glare]'' Let me explain something to you. :''[Cut to inside]'' :'''Sykes''': ''[dancing with a fish girl]'' We're gonna party like it's your birthday... ''[they suddenly hear a thudding sound and see Lola whacking Oscar against the windows with a thunk]'' Ha! Young Love! ''[he and the other partygoers laugh]'' :''[Lola angrily slams Oscar one more time and sulks away. Oscar slowly slides down, his saliva leaving an impression of a heart implanted on the window]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[The Four Tops: "I Can't Help Myself (Sugar Pie Honey Bunch)"]'' :'''Lenny''': Hey, Oscar! :'''Oscar''': Hey, I can't talk. I gotta find Angie. I need to tell her...I love her! :'''Man''': ''[singing] You come and you go...'' :'''Male Fish''': Way to go, Oscar. <hr widht=50%/> :'''Bernie''': Whale Wash, where you get a whale of a wash and the price... :'''Ernie''': Gimme the phone. ''[grabs the phone]'' And the price is...very very low. Considering how good the wash is! :'''Sykes''': ''[annoyed]'' Look, look, look! For the last time, it's "gosh". "Whale Wash: You get a whale of a wash, and the price - Oh, my gosh"! :'''Ernie''': Got it. ''[phone rings]'' Whale Wash... :'''Bernie''': ''[grabs the phone]'' Rhymes with "gosh". :''[Bernie and Ernie laugh]'' :'''Sykes''': ''[steamed]'' That's it! Get outta here! Go be useless somewhere else! :''[Bernie and Ernie swim away]'' :'''Oscar''': ''[shows up with Lenny]'' Sykes, where's Angie? :'''Sykes''': You tell me. <hr width=50%/> :'''Oscar''': ''[answering the phone]'' Hello? :'''Luca''': Is this the Sharkslayer? :'''Oscar''': Yeah. Who's this? :'''Luca''': Hi, this is Luca the Octopu...I mean...forget about it. Just listen up and follow these instructions, to the letter like. File cabinet, bottom drawer, there's a package... ''[Oscar opens the package to find the necklace he gave Angie...]'' That's right, tough guy. We got your girl. Now there's gonna be a sit-down. :'''Lenny''': ''[whispers]'' Who is it? :'''Oscar''': Shh. :'''Luca''': Be there if you don't wanna see her sleeping with the fishes... ''[Oscar's confused]'' ...the DEAD ones! ''[Oscar became shocked]'' Now nod your head if you understand. ''[Oscar nods his head]'' Now tell me if you nodded your head. :'''Oscar''': I nodded. ''[they both hang up]'' They got Angie. And they want a sit-down. I never meant for anybody to get hurt, especially not Angie. This is all my fault. :'''Sykes''': That's a classic move. I've seen it a thousand times. :''[As Oscar noticed Angie's love drawing on the clipboard]'' :'''Lenny''': They take the thing you love the most, and then they use it against you. :'''Oscar''': ''[after a moment of silence; determined]'' Look, we gotta go to that sit-down, and we gotta save her. :'''Lenny''': Whoa, whoa, whoa. Look, I wanna save Angie, too. But I can't just waltz in there and say, "Hi, Pop, I'm a dolphin!" :'''Sykes''': ''[surprised]'' Lenny? :'''Lenny''': "And my friend, the Sharkslayer here's a fake." :'''Sykes''': Fake? :'''Lenny''': Come on, we're gonna need a better plan than that! :'''Sykes''': ''[laughs]'' This is a joke, right? This is a joke. Because you know, I told Lino... ''[suddenly flashes back to his phone call with Lino]'' :'''Flashback Sykes''': ''[over phone]'' Shut up, Lino! Shut up! ''[Don Lino growls]'' :''[After flashback, Sykes inflates in a fit of panic]'' :'''Sykes''': ''[in a high-pitched voice]'' Tell me you didn't make it all up, kid! Tell me that's not Lenny! Tell me you're a real Sharkslayer! Please! :'''Oscar''': ''[sadly]'' I'm sorry, Sykes. I'm not. ''[his mood suddenly brightens as he remembers something]'' But the sharks don't know that. <hr width=50%/> :'''Sykes''': Will you stop screwin' around? This'll never work. We're dead. :'''Oscar''': Thank you, Sykes. Thank you. My man Sykes just begged me not to murder-lise all y'all up in here, all right. Now, I might listen to him, but then again I might not. And that depends on the individual behavior of all the individuals in here, individually. Ain't that right? :'''Hammerhead #1''': Look, he's got dolphin muscle. :'''Hammerhead #2''': My uncle Vito got whacked by one of those. :'''Oscar''': All right. Now which one of you sardines called this meeting? :'''Don Lino''': ''[enters]'' That would be me. So, this is the Sharkslayer. I've been lookin' forward to meeting you. I feel like we're practically family. You know that? Funny, ain't it? I brought my kids into the world, full of love and care, and you took them out. You know who I am? Do you know who I am? I'm the Don. The boss of the Great White Sharks. :'''Luca''': Hey, boss, I saved you a seat. :'''Don Lino''': I've been runnin' this reef since before you was born. And if you thought a guy like me can't get to a guy like you... Guess what? You thought wrong. :''[He lifted up the cover to reveal the gagged Angie.]'' :'''Oscar''': Pah. Man, you the one who's wrong. I barely even know that girl. What's your name, miss? :'''Lola''': Oh, yeah? Well, I say he's bluffing. :'''Shark''': Marone, if I wasn't married. :'''Don Feinberg''': How ya doin', pretty lady? :'''Oscar''': Lola. We meet again. :'''Lola''': You know, Sharkslayer, there's only one thing I like better than money. ''Revenge''. :'''Shark''': Oh! I'm in love. :'''Don Lino''': Your sharkslayin' days are over. And there ain't nothing you can do about it. :''[Oscar laughs]'' :''[Lenny and Sykes laugh]'' :'''Don Lino''': Huh? What's so funny? :'''Luca''': Ow. :'''Oscar''': You got nothing. Nothing! Sebastian, take her out. :''[As commanded, Lenny swoops down and "eats" Angie.]'' :''[Oscar hums U Can't Touch This]'' :[[W:MC Hammer|Can't touch this.<br />Can't touch this.<br />Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh]] :'''Oscar''': Stop. Oscar time. :''[After Lenny "eats" Angie]'' :'''Oscar''': Okay, new rules. Nobody, I repeat, nobody, makes a move without my OK. I am the Panama Canal, baby. From now on, everything ''[places a spoon on Giuseppe's nose]'' flows through me. :'''Giuseppe''': Heh?! What'd he do?! What'd he do?! I can't see it! :'''Oscar''': You don't lose a tooth, you don't grow one back without my okay, okay? :'''Mako Shark''': ''[nervously]'' Okay. :''[The swordfish sneezes, stuck to the table]'' :'''Oscar''': If you sneeze, you don't wipe that boogie without my okay, okay? :'''Orca''': ''[scared]'' Okay. :'''Oscar''': And you don't ''say'' "okay" without my okay? ''Okay?!'' :''[One of the whale faints, Lenny starts gagging]'' :'''Sykes''': Uh-Oh. Okay, thank you all for coming. We gotta go. :'''Oscar''': Oh, and one more thing. What's with all y'all living in the Love Boat? :'''Sykes''': Oscar... :'''Oscar''': Y'all are supposed to be the mob. Get yourselves a real hideout. :'''Lenny''': ''[gagging]'' Oscar? :'''Oscar''': ''[to Lino]'' And take a good look, Lino. It's ''over''. You're old school...! :'''Sykes and Lenny''': Oscar! :'''Oscar''': What?! ''[Lenny makes a last gag and retches out Angie, a violin, a sidewalk sweeper, a radio box and a car license plate]'' :'''Lenny''': The horror! '''THE HORROR!''' ''[one of the sharks eats the license plate; retches out a beach ball]'' :'''Oscar''': ''[chuckles]'' Um, excuse me. ''[swims over to Angie]'' Ang, are you okay? :'''Angie''': No, I am not okay! He ''ate'' me! :'''Lenny''': I couldn't take it. The taste was killing me! :'''Don Lino''': ''[sees Lenny]'' Lenny? Is that you? You're alive? ''[hugs Lenny]'' I thought I lost you. ''[noticed his disguise]'' What are you wearing? Huh? What is that? ''[Dejected, Lenny takes off his black and yellow scarf, then scrubs his nose with his sponge and takes off the red rubber band. The sharks gasps in assortment]'' :'''Luca''': Hey, Boss, it's Lenny, he was wearing a disguise so we couldn’t recognize him, but now he's not wearing a disguise, so we ''do'' recognizing him. :'''Lenny''': ''[still dejected]'' Hi, Pop... :'''Don Lino''': ''[upset]'' Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me?! Are you out of your ''mind''?! Do you have any idea how this looks?! :'''Giuseppe''': ''[whispers to another shark]'' This is the best sit down I ever been to. :'''Don Lino''': What are you doing with this guy?! He took out your own flesh and blood, Frankie! :'''Lenny''': But Pop, just listen... :'''Don Lino''': But nothing! You never take sides against the family! '''Ever!''' :'''Oscar''': Hey, Don. Lino, Sir. Listen, it's not his fault. This is between you and me. :'''Don Lino''': What did I ever do to ''YOU''?! You took Frankie away, and you turned Lenny into a dolphin! ''[turns furious]'' '''I'M GONNA GET YOU!''' :''[Oscar shrieks, Don Lino starts chasing him]'' :'''Angie''': Oscar, look out! :'''Lenny''': Oscar, swim! ''[opens the door]'' Swim for your life! <hr width=50%/> :''[Don Lino gets wedged in a porthole while chasing Oscar]'' :'''Don Lino''': ''[calling after Oscar]'' You're gonna regret the day you became the Sharkslayer! :'''Shrimp''': ''[appears in another porthole]'' Well, well, well...look who's stuck in the porthole. :'''Don Lino''': Huh? :'''Shrimp''': You still hungry, big guy? Well, say hello to my little friends! :''[A bunch of shrimps appear and attack Lino]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Ernie''': Hello, Sykes' Whale Wash; And the price... ''[sees Don Lino chasing Oscar]'' OH MY GOSH! :'''Bernie''': ''[not knowing]'' Hey, you got it right! ''[suddenly sees Don Lino also. They swim away in fear]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Oscar''': Lenny, what are you doing in there?! :'''Lenny''': Sorry. <hr width=50%/> :''[The crowd is cheering for Oscar for trapping Lino and Lenny in the Whale Wash machines]'' :'''Oscar''': ''[finally having enough]'' '''STOP! ''I AM NOT A REAL SHARKSLAYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRER!!!!''''' ''[the crowd stops cheering and stares in disbelief, and Angie stops to look back]'' I lied. :'''Don Lino''': ''[shocked]'' What? :'''Crazy Joe''': ''[tearfully]'' And I'm not a real financial adviser! :'''Oscar''': ''[awkwardly]'' Okay... ''[to Don Lino]'' It was an anchor that killed Frankie. I didn't have anything to do with it, and neither did Lenny. :'''Don Lino''': ''[to Lenny]'' Well then... If that was true, why did you run away? :'''Lenny''': Because you always wanted me to be like Frankie. I'll never be the shark you want me to be. :'''Oscar''': ''[to Don Lino]'' ''What'' is your ''problem''?! So your son likes kelp, so his best friend is a fish, so he likes to dress like a dolphin! So ''what''?! Everybody loves him, just the way he is. Why can't you? Don't make the same mistake that I did. I didn't know what I had...until I lost it. :''[Unnoticed by him, Angie looks moved in the background]'' :'''Don Lino''': ''[close to tears]'' Can you get me outta this, so I can hug my kid, and tell him I'm sorry? :'''Lenny''': ''[smiles tearfully]'' Pop. :''[Oscar frees Lino and Lenny from the Whale Wash machines]'' :'''Don Lino''': Come here, you. ''[hugs Lenny]'' I love you, son. No matter what you eat, or how you dress. :'''Angie''': ''[appears]'' Oscar? :'''Oscar''': ''[sees her]'' Angie? Oh, Angie. I wish I knew now what I knew then. I mean...I wish you knew...what I knew...before this... :'''Crazy Joe''': You're blowin' it, man! :'''Oscar''': Mind your business, alright?! It's emotional...and it's pressure! ''[turns back to Angie]'' What I'm sayin' is...I didn't need the Top of the Reef. Everything I ever wanted...was right in front of me the whole time. :'''Angie''': But what about being a somebody? :'''Oscar''': I'm a nobody without you. ''[Angie smiles. Crazy Joe pulls out his puppets making kissing noises]'' ''[awkwardly: to Joe]'' You're not helping. ''[chuckles]'' :'''Angie''': Oh. Come here, you big dumb, dummy head! ''[kisses Oscar]'' :'''Sykes''': I never told you two this, but you're the best henchmen a guy ever had. C'mon, group hug. :'''Ernie''': Sorry, man. Come, Sykes, try again, mon. Don't fret. :'''Sykes''': Forget it. The moment's gone. :'''Oscar''': So, uh, Lino... Uh, Don... We cool, right? I mean, like the reef is safe? Walk the streets, you know, without... aaah! You know. :'''Don Lino''': Yeah, we're cool. :''[cheering]'' :'''Katie Current''': Oscar. Excuse me. You've lost everything you lied so hard to achieve. Tell me, what's next for you? <hr width+50%/> :'''Angie''': Come on, everyone's waiting, Mr. Manager. :'''Oscar''': All right, I just gotta put the finishing touch on my new desk. Love ya, Pop. :'''Sykes''': Yo, dog. :'''Oscar''': Sykes. :'''Sykes''': All right, partner, let's see what you can do. :'''Oscar''': Sykes and Oscar's Whale Wash is now open for business. :''[crowd cheering]'' :''[Christina Aguilera and Missy Elliott: "Car Wash"]'' :'''Oscar''': Yo, E, B. Let's get this party bumpin'. :'''Bernie''': Yo, yo. It's E and B on the wheels of steel. :'''Oscar''': Yo, Christina. Missy. How about we have a little Oscar-licious fun? Don't try this at home. :'''Lenny''': Hey, Angie, sorry Pop and I are late, but we brought some new customers. :'''Luca''': Hey, how ya doin'? :'''Angie''': Wow. :'''Lenny''': OK, guys, come on in. :'''Sykes''': Come on, snap your fin. Snap it. You're not snapping it. :'''Don Lino''': I'm snapping it, I'm snapping it! :'''Sykes''': That's okay, a lot of great whites can't do it, yo. :'''Don Lino''': Yo? :'''Sykes''': Yo, what's up? :'''Don Lino''': What's up with what? :'''Sykes''': Yo-yo-yo, yo-yo-yo, yo-yo-yo-yo... :'''Don Lino''': ''[threatening]'' Hey, you say "Yo" one more time, and I'm gonna yo you! :'''Sykes''': ''[stops]'' I'm sorry. <hr width=50%/> :'''Lola''': ''[arrives at Oscar's former penthouse]'' Hello? Hello? Oscar? Listen, Baby, I know I was a bad girl, but you'd have to be crazy not to take me back. :'''Crazy Joe''': ''[appears in front of Lola]'' Did someone say ''crazy''? <hr width=50%/> :'''Crazy Joe''': Hey! You gonna eat the rest of your popcorn? ''[eats the popcorn, groaning]'' Too much butter! Hey! A nacho! ''[eats the nacho]'' <hr widths=50%/> :'''Crazy Joe''': ''[flies up to the end credits]'' You're not even halfway done yet. <hr width=50%/> :''[Last lines; after the credits]'' :'''Mrs. Sanchez''': ''[opens the window; to the viewers]'' What're you doing? Go on. Get out of here. Come on. It's past your bedtime! ''[shuts the window]'' :''[Fades to black]'' ==Delete Scenes from Dialogue== :'''Lenny''': Ah! Oh! Ow, ow, ow! Dow! OWWWW! ==Trailer== Random ==Taglines== * In fall, a new school will rule * The story of what happens when one little fish tells a great white lie... * Behind every little fish is a great white lie. * A new school's gonna rule... ==Cast== * [[Will Smith]] — Oscar * [[Robert De Niro|Robert de Niro]] — Don Lino * [[w:Renée Zellweger|Renée Zellweger]] — Angie * [[Jack Black]] — Lenny * [[Angelina Jolie]] — Lola * [[Martin Scorsese]] — Sykes * [[Ziggy Marley]] – Ernie * [[w:Doug E. Doug|Doug E. Doug]] – Bernie * [[w:Michael Imperioli|Michael Imperioli]] — Frankie * [[w:Vincent Pastore|Vincent Pastore]] — Luca * [[w:Peter Falk|Peter Michael Falk]] — Don Ira Fienberg * [[w:Katie Couric|Katie Couric]] — Katie Current * David P. Smith — Crazy Joe * [[Phil LaMarr]] — Prawn * David Soren — Shrimp * Shelley Morrison — Mrs. Sanchez * ? – Whale ==External Links== {{wikipedia}} * {{imdb title|id=0307453|title=Shark Tale}} * {{rotten-tomatoes|id=shark_tale|title=Shark Tale}} {{Shark Tale}} {{DreamWorks Animation}} {{DreamWorks Pictures}} [[Category:Shark Tale]] [[Category:2004 films]] [[Category:2004 computer-animated films]] [[Category:2004 American animated films]] [[Category:American computer-animated films]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy films]] [[Category:Animated films about revenge]] [[Category:Films about revenge]] [[Category:Animated films about death]] [[Category:Films about death]] [[Category:Animated films about fish]] [[Category:Animated buddy films]] [[Category:Buddy films]] [[Category:Films about sharks]] [[Category:Films about lying]] [[Category:Mafia comedy films]] [[Category:Films directed by Rob Letterman]] [[Category:DreamWorks Animation]] [[Category:2000s English-language films]] [[Category:Film controversies]] k3saxhjlvna2bsn34ab74esdtnd4l1g 3778966 3778965 2025-07-15T01:37:36Z 2600:1004:B0AB:49BD:DC4D:D333:6094:3C75 3778966 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:14500 Gloucester - Flickr - megabus13601.jpg|thumb|Remember this name: '''''OSCAR THE SHARKSLAYER!''''']] {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Shark Tale|Shark Tale]]''''' (known as '''''Sharkslayer''''') in 103 minutes release is a [[w:2004 in film|2004]] [[w:computer animation|computer-animated film]] produced by [[w:DreamWorks Animation|DreamWorks Animation]] and distributed by [[w:DreamWorks Pictures|DreamWorks Pictures]] (through [[w:Paramount Pictures|Paramount Home Entertainment]] in the library.) Starring the voices of [[Will Smith]], [[Angelina Jolie]], [[w:Renée Zellweger|Renée Zellweger]], [[Jack Black]], [[Martin Scorsese]], and [[Robert De Niro]], it tells the story of Oscar, a low cleaning fish who takes credit for killing the son of shark mob boss Don Lino. :''Directed by Bibo Bergenson, [[Vicky Jenson]] and Rob Letterman. Written by Michael J. Wilson and Rob Letterman.'' {{center|'''Behind every little fish is a great white lie.''' [[#Taglines|Taglines]]}} ==Dialogue== :''[First lines; DreamWorks with scene logos Boy throws a fishing pole with a worm named Dewey tied to the hook into the water. The worm looks up as he holds his breath, as a shark circles around him. The worm panics as he looks behind him to see...]'' :'''Lenny''': Hi. I'm Lenny. ''[The worm faints]'' Oh, little buddy, did I scare you? I'm sorry. Wake up. Wake up. Okay, don't worry about it. I'm going to get you out in a jiffy, you just keep holding your breath, little wormy. :'''Frankie''': ''[offscreen]'' Yo, Lenny! :'''Lenny''': Ah! I'm coming, Frankie! :'''Frankie''': ''[offscreen]'' Well, move it. Come on. Pop's waiting. :'''Lenny''': ''[finally unties the worm]'' There we go, and... Gotcha! Okay, you're free now, just go. ''[the worm slinks back up the line]'' Just go, cry for you. ''[he turns to see Frankie scowling]'' Aagh! Oh, you almost gave me a heart attack! :'''Frankie''': Lenny, what are you doing? :'''Lenny''': Oh, I was just, uh... ''[grabs a bundle of flowers]'' Picking you some flowers. ''[Frankie slaps them out of Lenny's hand]'' Hey! Mom said it's not okay to hit. ''[Frankie smacks his shoulders]'' Aah! :'''Frankie''': Mom's not here. ''[he swims away, humming the JAWS theme]'' :'''Lenny''': Don't. ''Don't.'' Ugh, that song gives me the creeps. :'''Frankie''': What do you mean? It's our theme song. ''[?]'' :'''Katie Current''': ''[to the crew offscreen]'' Are they gone? Are they gone? Are you sure? ''[looks at the camera]'' Good morning, Southeast Reef. I'm Katie Current keeping it current. I just received confirmation that the sharks are gone. I repeat, the sharks are gone. ''[All the fishes swim freely as the title "Shark Tale" appears]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''The Shrimp''': Yep. It's fake. :'''Clam''': Fake?! I worked eight years on that! <hr width=50%/> :'''Oscar''': Hi, I'm Oscar. You might think you know, but you have no idea. ''[rap music]'' Welcome to my crib. The good life, the way the other half lives. Check it out, I got my 60" inch high-def, flatscreen TV with 6-speaker surround-sound, CD, Vinyl, HD-DVD, Blu-Ray 3D, 4K Ultra HD Blu-ray, Laserdisc, VCD, Betamax, VHS, DVD, Blu-ray, PlayStation hook-up, XBOX, PlayStation 1-5, and an 8-track player for days when you're feeling just a little... ''[beatbox]'' old school. ''[laughs]'' 'Cause even a superstar Mack daddy fish like me has to have the necessities. :'''Shorty 1''': ''[appears]'' Yeah, like money! ''[Camera zooms out to show Oscar standing in front of billboard ad]'' :'''Oscar''': C'mon, Shorties, why you messin' with my fantasy? :'''Shorty 2''': 'Cause you're so broke, your baloney has no first name. <hr width=50%/> :'''Oscar''': Yo, Crazy Joe! :'''Crazy Joe''': Now that you live in a great penthouse, can I be your financial advisor? :'''Oscar''': That's a billboard, Crazy Joe. :'''Crazy Joe''': You live in a billboard? And they call ''me'' crazy! ''[laughs insanely while floating away with an umbrella]'' :'''Shorty 1''': Hey, Oscar! Look who came to visit! :'''Oscar''': ''[turns around and freaks out]'' YAAH!!! ''[They shorties spray-painted the billboard with a pic of Oscar being devoured by a shark bursting through the penthouse floor]'' :'''Shorties''': ''[laughing]'' Gotcha! :'''Oscar''': No, don't do that! Shouldn't you kids be in school? :'''Shorty 2''': Shouldn't you be at work? :'''Oscar''': Right back at me, eh? Little smart mouth? Now I'm on my way and y'all stay outta trouble. ''[turns back to the graffiti]'' And clean that stuff up! :'''Shorty 3''': See ya! ''[The Shorties clean the graffiti]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Angie''': Good morning. Can I help you? :'''Whale''': One wash and mouth, please. :'''Angie''': Hot wax? :'''Whale''': Please. :'''Angie''': Kelp Scrape. We're having a special, what do you say? :'''Whale''': Why not? It's mating season, and I'm feeling lucky! ''[leaves]'' :''[Phone rings]'' :'''Angie''': Whale of the wash, and the price... ''[blissful sigh]'' Oh, my gosh. ''[camera pans to Angie doodling her crush on Oscar]'' May I suggest a barnacle peel? Removes lines and salt damage. Good. :'''Oscar''': ''[enters]'' Hey, Ang. :'''Angie''': OH, MY GOSH! ''[quickly hides her secret paper]'' Hi Oscar! :'''Oscar''': Thanks for covering for me. ''[over the phone]'' Hey yo, Angie needs to get her freak on! Could ya hold for one moment please? Thanks, dawg! ''[hangs up]'' :'''Angie''': Oscar! :'''Oscar''': C'mon, Ang! Dance with me, mama! ♪ You might not ever be rich! ♪ :'''Angie''': Oscar! You're gonna get me fired! :'''Oscar''': You? Fired? ''[scoffs]'' That can't happen, 'cause then I'd have absolutely NO reason to come to work. :'''Angie''': ''[sheepishly]'' Oh, you don't mean that. :'''Oscar''': 'Course I do. You're, like, my best friend. :''[Angie gasps; then when Oscar's not looking, dramatically pretends to jab herself in the heart with her pen. When Oscar turns back to her, she quickly hides the pen with a sheepish giggle]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[A dark ship. The camera fades in, showing Don Lino feeding his fish]'' :'''Don Lino''': ''[to his fish]'' How are my babies this mornin'? You miss me? You doin' good? Huh? Huh? ''[To Sykes]'' You see, Sykes, it's a fish-eat-fish world, ''[he drops a food pellet into the tank]'' you either take, or you get taken out. ''[The fish sprout razor teeth and devour the pellet as Lino closes the tank's lid]'' :'''Sykes''': ''[hastily]'' Truer words have never been spoken. Is that it? That all? We done? :'''Don Lino''': Now, you and me, we worked together a long, long, long time. :'''Sykes''': Please, Don Lino, it's hardly been like work. :'''Don Lino''': You know... :'''Sykes''': I love that about you. :'''Don Lino''': Let me finish. That I've lived my life for my sons. Raising and protecting them... :'''Sykes''': You're the best! He's the best, right? Am I right or am I wrong? Am I right? :'''Don Lino''': It's all been to prepare... :'''Sykes''': Right? :'''Don Lino''': ...to prepare them... :'''Sykes''': Sorry. :'''Don Lino''': Yeah. It's alright. ...for the day they run the reef. Well, today is that day. ''[pauses; The record player gets stuck]'' Luca. :'''Luca''': ''[moves the needle; the record player plays "Baby Got Back" by Six Mix-a-Lot; Luca quickly moves the needle again and it cuts off]'' Hey, Boss, big butts! ''[chuckles]'' :'''Don Lino''': ''[facepalming]'' Oy vey. Long story short, from now on yous work for Frankie and Lenny. Capiche? :'''Sykes''': ''[laughs a bit]'' Lenny? Frankie, I understand, but Lenny? You can't be serious. :'''Don Lino''': I'm dead serious. It takes more than muscle to run things. Now Lenny, he's got the brains. That's somethin' special. :'''Sykes''': He's special all right. :'''Don Lino''': What's that supposed to mean? :'''Sykes''': Nothing. I'm just sayin'... :'''Don Lino''': Hey, I bring you in here, look you in the eye, tell you what's what, and what? :'''Sykes''': What? :'''Don Lino''': What "what"? :'''Sykes''': "What, what" nothin'. You said "what" first. :'''Don Lino''': I didn't say what first. I asked ''you'' what. :'''Sykes''': No, you said "And then what?", and I said "What?" :'''Don Lino''': ''[confused]'' No, I said "what what", like what, what? ''[belief pausesly]'' :'''Sykes''': ''[pausebusterz; to Don Lino]'' You said "what" first. :'''Don Lino''': ''[annoyed]'' Now you're making fun of me?! :'''Sykes''': ''[hastily]'' [[Jonah: A VeggieTales Movie|No, no, no, no, you misunderstood!]] ''[His sons arrived]'' :'''Frankie''': Sorry we're late, Pop. Lenny had an accident. He was born. :'''Lenny''': ''[sarcastic laughter]'' You're a comic genius. :'''Sykes''': Look, all I'm saying is the kid ain't exactly no killer. :'''Don Lino''': My Lenny ''is'' a killer! Ya hear me? A cold-blooded killer! Look at him! ''[Lino and Sykes both notice Lenny obliviously spinning around on his chair; Frankie shakes his head]'' :'''Sykes''': Huh? :'''Don Lino''': ''[paused; more annoyed]'' That's it. That's IT! You are OUT! :'''Sykes''': ''[shocked]'' What?! ''[inflates; high pitched]'' Whaddya mean I'm "out"?! :'''Don Lino''': [[w:Shout! Studios|You're fired!]] ''[pushes Sykes; Sykes screams and lands on a picture across the room]'' And on top of that, you're gonna have to start paying me! :'''Sykes''': ''[high pitched]'' For what?! :'''Don Lino''': ''[ominously]'' So nothing happens to that little Whale Wash of yours. ''[Cut to the Oscar and workers at the Whale Wash]'' :'''Oscar''': ''[while shoveled the slime off the whale's tongue]'' Welcome to Oscar's crib. 60 foot slime-covered tongue with canker sores, swim-in cavities and plankton-encrusted teeth for when I feel a little… old school! :'''Pontrelli''': Ah, stop your moaning, Oscar! It could be a lot worse. :'''Oscar''': Yeah, that's true. I could have this job, and look like you! ''[laughs; sudden rumbling]'' Indigestion...SHE'S GONNA BLOW! ''[Workers start scattering]'' :'''Knuckles''': Wait! Headphone Guy's still in there! ''[Headphone Guy is cleaning the whale, oblivious to the rumbling]'' :'''Oscar''': ''[slowly motion]'' I GOT YOU, HEADPHONE GUY! ''[he and Headphone Guy brace themselves on the whale's uvula, the normal motion. The scrubbers peak when...the whale let us out a small belch, sendin' some slime onto Oscar. The workers laughs]'' :'''Oscar''': ''[groans as he rubs the slime off him]'' Still think it could be worse? :'''Pontrelli''': Yeah! I could look like you! :'''Oscar''': Haha! Ya'll funny. Well, see if you laugh at THIS! ''[throws slimeball at Pontrelli, who ducks with a laughs, and it hits in splat instructor Johnson, causin' him to stagger around and accidentally hits a button that sprays soap in the whale's eye, causin' the whale to screams in pain and anogy]'' :'''Whale''': Ohh! Ohh! My eye! OHH!! :'''Oscar''': [[A Streetcar Named Desire (1951 film)|'''''SOAP IN THE EYE, SOAP IN THE EYE!''''']] ''[Flips the emergency; the grabbers grab the screams whale very tightly; quickly cleans the whale's eye]'' It's alright. I'll gettin' look this could us will be you a free hot wax and all you like that? ''[No pause]'' I'll got it, Big Baby. :'''Whale''': Thanks, Oscar. :'''Oscar''': Alright. ''[gets slapped on the back by Ernie and shocked, causing the bucket to land on his head]'' :'''Ernie''': Well, look who it is, Bernie. :'''Bernie''': Just the fish we're looking for. :'''Ernie''': Yeah. :'''Bernie''': The boss be needin' to see you right now. :'''Ernie''': Right now. :'''Oscar''': Ernie. Bernie. My jellyfish brothers. Boo-ya-ka. Hey, what's up, man? Man, it's good to see y'all... Huh? What'd you say, Ang? Okay. Fellas, I'm gonna go ahead over there. [singing] But don't worry ''[beatbox]'' About a thing 'Cause every little thing Is gonna be alright... ''[gets slapped again]'' :'''Ernie''': [[w:Amazon MGM Studios|That's not the way you sing that sound, one.]] ''[Cut into the Oscar is tossed into Sykes' office and rolls into his desk]'' :'''Oscar''': Hey, Sykes! My brother from another mother. What the deezy, baby? ''[Oscar tries dapped Sykes up, who sighs annoyed at his antics]'' Show me dat. What's goin' down? Hey, baby, this is all gravy today. Now snap your fin... Snap it. You're not snappin' it... :'''Sykes''': ''[pulls his hand back]'' Oscar! :'''Oscar''': Hey, don't sweat it. A lot of white fish can't do it. :'''Sykes''': Oscar, would you just sit down, okay? :'''Oscar''': ''[Ernie and Bernie force him into a chair]'' Thank you. :'''Sykes''': I've been goin' over my markers. You're into me for five grand. 5G's, okay? :'''Oscar''': 5G's? Man, you tripping, 5G's. :'''Sykes''': Oh, yeah? See if ''[throws unpaid loan documents at Oscar] this'' refreshes your memory. :'''Oscar''': ''[As he picks them back up into a pile and places them on Sykes' desk]'' That's crazy, look at that. You wrote everything down so you wouldn't forget. This a perfect example of why you're in management, and I'm not. You go, boy. :'''Sykes''': Look, I have to start pay Don Lino protection, so everything you owe me, you owe him! :'''Oscar''': How you figure that? :'''Sykes''': Simple - the food chain! ''[pulls out chart]'' On top there's Don Lino, there's me, there's regular fish... :'''Oscar''': And that's me! :'''Sykes''': No. There's plankton, there's single-celled amoebas... :'''Oscar''': And then me! :'''Sykes''': I'm getting there, I'm getting there...There's coral, there's rocks, there's whale poo, and then there's you. :'''Oscar''': That's messed up. :'''Sykes''': So if Don Lino's squeezin' me... he's squeezin' ''you!'' :'''Oscar''': What? ''[the chart suddenly pulls up, catching Sykes in the chin]'' :'''Ernie''': Easy, boss. Find a happy place. :'''Sykes''': There ''is'' no happy place with him around! ''[agitated he puffs up; higher pitched] I'm SERIOUS!'' :'''Oscar''': AH! Alright, look! Just give me another chance-! I-I'm ''begging'' you, Sykes please! Please! :'''Sykes''': ''[high-pitched]'' All right. ''[deflates; normally]'' "Because I like you", I'm gonna give you 24 hours to pay up. :'''Oscar''': All of it? How am I supposed to do that? :'''Sykes''': That's your problem. Bring me 5,000 clams to the track tomorrow, or else. :'''Oscar''': Or else what? :'''Sykes''': The boys will explain. :''[exits his office]'' :''[Ernie and Bernie approach Oscar while grinning and laughing in a threatening manner; cut to black as they sting him as a warning]'' :'''Oscar''': ''[offscreen]'' Unpleasant. <hr width=50%/> :'''Angie''': 5,000 clams? You borrowed 5,000 clams from Mr. Sykes? Oscar, why do you get yourself into these situations? :'''Oscar''': I don't know, Ang. It's just hard, all right, because I'm a little fish in a big pond. A really big pond. The ocean. I'm a nobody. I want some of that. :'''Angie''': Mrs. Sanchez? :'''Oscar''': What? Ew. No. That. The top of the reef. Where the somebodies live. I wanna be rich and famous like them, but I'm stuck down here. :'''Angie''': Well, what's wrong with down here? :'''Oscar''': I'll tell you what's wrong with down here. Remember my dad? He worked at the Wash his whole life. ''[voiceover]'' He was the #1 tongue scrubber. Every year for 25 years. To me, working at the Wash, was the coolest job in the ocean. But then I learned something I will never forget. :'''Male Fish Student''': ''[in memory]'' Oscar's dad's a tongue scrubber! :'''Fish Students''': ''[in memory]'' Tongue scrubber! Tongue scrubber! Tongue scrubber! Tongue scrubber! Tongue scrubber! Tongue scrubber! :'''Oscar''': My dad was the greatest. But nobody loves a nobody. I want to be a somebody. :'''Angie''': Oscar, you don't have to live at the top of the reef to be a somebody. :'''Oscar''': What's the difference? If I don't pay Mr. Sykes back by tomorrow... I'm dead anyway, so... :'''Angie''': Wait here. :'''Oscar''': What's this? A pink pearl? :'''Angie''': Mm-hm. :'''Oscar''': Where'd you get that? :'''Angie''': My grandmother gave it to me. She said it started from a tiny grain of sand, but then, after a while, it grew into something beautiful. Dreams can begin small too. :'''Oscar''': No. No, I couldn't... :'''Angie''': Take it. It'll get you the money you need for Mr. Sykes. <hr width=50%/> :''[At a dinner in a shipwreck, Don Lino talks to Lenny about his recent behavior]'' :'''Don Lino''': ''[to Lenny]'' What do you mean you don't understand? What's there to understand? We've been over this 1,000 times. I don't want to have to say it again. You know, you're giving me agita, you know that? I don't know what else to say. Lenny, you see something, you kill it, you eat it. Period. ''[to the waiter]'' Thanks. ''[to Lenny]'' That's what sharks do. That's a fine tradition. What's the matter with you? Your brother, Frankie, here, he's a killer. :'''Frankie''': Thanks, Pop. :'''Don Lino''': He's beautiful. He does what he's supposed to do. ''[to Frankie]'' Wipe your face. ''[to Lenny]'' But you...I'm hearin' things. You gotta understand when you look weak, it makes me look weak. :'''Lenny''': I know. :'''Don Lino''': I can't have that. :'''Lenny''': Pop, I'm sorry. :'''Don Lino''': Lenny. Lenny. Look at me. ''[Lenny's staring at his menu]'' Look at me. ''[He looks up with an uninterested gaze]'' This handing over the business is for you. It's for the both of yous. A-And you're acting like you don't even want it. ''[Lenny shrugs]'' I need to know you can handle that. ''[sighs; He spots some shrimp in a glass, and glances back at Lenny]'' Alright, alright. ''[picks up the shrimp]'' Right here in front of me now, eat this. :'''Lenny''': Yeah. Oh, gee, thanks, Pop. Here's the thing. I'm on a diet. And I read an article about these shrimps, they're not good for ya. I tell you. You know how many calories are in one of those shrimps? ''[looks closer at his menu]'' A lot. :'''The Shrimp''': ''[to Don Lino]'' It's true. It's true and the other thing is..well.. my sister had a baby and I took it over because she passed away, and then the baby lost its legs and its arms and now it’s nothing but a stump, but I still take care of it with my wife and it's, It’s growing and it's.. it’s fairly happy, but it's difficult 'cause, I've been working a second shift at the factory to put food on the table, but all the love that I see in that little guy's face, makes it worth in the end… ''[mini pauses]'' True story." ''[Lenny wipes his tears with a sniff]'' :'''Don Lino''': ''[sighs]'' I'm not asking you anymore. I'm telling you. Eat it! :'''The Shrimp''': No, have mercy! :'''Lenny''': Pop, please... :'''Don Lino''': Eat! :'''The Shrimp''': No eat! :'''Lenny''': What are ya...No! :'''Don Lino''': Son, eat the shrimp! Eat! :'''Lenny''': No, please! :'''Don Lino''': Lenny! Eat, eat, eat! :'''Lenny''': ''[finally snaps]'' PUT THE SHRIMP DOWN! ''[grabs the other shrimp and lets them all go]'' Alright, go now. No one's looking. Get out of here. You're free now, go on. Go, go! :'''The Shrimp''': Thank you. You're a good person. ''[glares at Lino, cracking his knuckles with a punch, and Lino is angered. The shrimp gestures to some other shrimp]'' Come on, fellas. ''[they all left with him, Lenny notices his dad is angrily and embarrassed and sits down]'' :'''Frankie''': ''[trying to take some heat off of Lenny]'' Pop, I can handle the reef. It's not a problem. :'''Don Lino''': No. No. We're gonna do this as a family. Frankie, I want you to take Lenny out, and show him the ropes. :'''Frankie''': Oh, come on, Pop. :'''Don Lino''': ''[to Lenny]'' Son, you're gonna learn how to be a shark. Whether you like it or not. <hr width=50%/> :'''Sykes''': That kid better show up or he's dead meat. :'''Bernie''': Just say the word, boss. :'''Oscar''': Carrying a big ol' envelope full of money, gonna give it to Mr. Sykes. :'''Tip Fish #1''': Hurry up. This is our chance, we don't want to miss it. ''[knocks Oscar's money out of his hand as he passes by, causing Oscar to shriek a bit in surprise as he grabs it again]'' :'''Tip Fish #2''': You sure about this? :'''Tip Fish #1''': My trader friend tipped me off. The race is rigged. ''[Oscar listens in]'' We can't lose. :'''Tip Fish #2''': What's the horse's name? :'''Tip Fish #1''': Lucky Day. :'''Announcer''':... Lucky Day, at 200 to 1. :'''Tip Fish #1''': We're gonna be rich! :'''Tip Fish #2''': Rich! ''[Upon hearing about Lucky Day at the Seahorse Racetrack]'' :'''Oscar''': ''[excitedly]'' Ooh, top of the Reef, here I come! ''[stops himself]'' No, wait, what am I doing? Remember what Angie said remember what Angie said... What did Angie say? ''[In Oscar's fantasy]'' :'''Angie''': Dreams can begin small. You just have to...''bet it all!'' ''BET IT ALL!'' :'''Announcer''': ''And Lucky Day wins!'' :''[Oscar imagines himself living the high-life, then it cuts back to him holding the money. It cuts to him slamming the money on the table]'' :'''Oscar''': ''5,000 ON LUCKY DAY TO WIN!'' :'''Bet-taking Fish''': That's 200 to 1. That would pay a million clams! :'''Oscar''': ''[takes his ticket]'' Well I guess that makes me, Oscar...''The Millionaire.'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Lola''': Nice bet. ''[Oscar sheepishly giggles]'' You got a name? ''[He nods]'' You wanna tell me what it is? ''[Oscar giggles as he nods]'' Well, mine's Lola. :'''Oscar''': ''[blubbers]'' C'mon, man! Get your game face on! ''[slaps himself to tighten up as he yelps]'' So... ''[chuckles]'' Lola, my name's... Uh, My name is Oscar, sweetie. ''[gasps]'' Mrs. Sanchez. :'''Mrs. Sanchez''': The hippity-hop smooth talk don't work with me. :'''Oscar''': Oh, My bad. Hey, so, uh... :'''Sykes''': Oscar. I was starting to think you skipped out on me. :'''Oscar''': Sykes! Hey. Oh, I see you're already on your way to the concession stand. :'''Sykes''': What are you doing? :'''Oscar''': Mind bringing us back some drinks? That would be great, thanks. And some of them little wiener thingies. :'''Bernie''': The ones with the toothpicks? :'''Sykes''': What are you doing? Don't listen to him! :'''Oscar''': Come on, Lola let me escort you to... my box. :'''Security''': Your box?! :'''Sykes''': His box?! You can't even afford the gum under the seats! :'''Lola''': He just laid five grand on Lucky Day. I think he can afford anything he wants. ''[as she says this, Oscar makes various motions that she's crazy, only stopping with a sheepish wince]'' :'''Sykes''': Five grand? ''My five grand?!'' :'''Oscar''': No, it was another five grand. :'''Sykes''': You had the money to pay me back and you bet it ''anyway? [angrily takes his ticket]'' Gimme that! :'''Oscar''': Hold up. Sykes! :'''Lola''': Clearly, I've made a mistake. :'''Oscar''': No, no wait Lola! :'''Lola''': Look, deep down, I'm really superficial. ''[pulls Oscar close as if to kiss him]'' And don't get me wrong: you're cute, but... ''[whispers as she pushes him away]'' you're a nobody. ''[leaves]'' :''[Oscar became stunned]'' :'''Ernie''': ''[pretending to be Lola, puts mustard and ketchup on a hot dog on a stick so it looks like a face]'' Oscar, you're cute, but you're a nobody. :'''Bernie''': ''[pretending to be Oscar, also put mustard and ketchup on a hot dog on a stick so it looks like a face]'' Wait. Lola. Come back. I'm not a nobody. I'm a wiener! :''[They both laugh, much to Oscar's annoyance]'' :'''Sykes''': You're unbelievable. You're in trouble up to you gills, and still you're asking for more? Now, go on, get in here! <hr width=50%/> :'''Announcer''': ''The horses are lining up the post. [the bell rings and the seahorses rush out] And they're off! Out of the gates, it's Fish Fingers followed by Sea Biscuit and Salmonella. [Lucky Day can't open the gate] The long shot Lucky Day seems appears to be having trouble getting out of the gate.'' :'''Oscar''': What?! :'''Announcer''': ''Only a sucker could've bet on that horse!'' :'''Oscar''': ''[to Sykes]'' No, no, no. Don't sweat it, man. He does this all the time. He's just playin'. :'''Announcer''': ''[Lucky Day busts through the gate] But what's this? Lucky Day's gone crashing his way through the gate! And he's off and running! Down the straightaway, it's Sea Biscuit, Fish Fingers and Lucky Day.'' :'''Oscar''': Please, Lucky Day, go fast. Go fast. :'''Announcer''': ''Coming up the far turn, it's Sea Biscuit by a length, and Lucky Day well behind the pack. [Lucky Day catches up with the other seahorses] And here comes Lucky Day coming up from behind! He's passing, Yellowtail, Salmonella, and coming up on Fish Fingers!'' :'''Oscar''': See? See? Who's your fish now? Go! :'''Announcer''': ''Around the final turn, here comes Lucky Day! Lucky Day's done caught up to Fish Fingers! They're head-to-head! Neck-and-neck! [Lucky Day takes the lead] Lucky Day's pulling ahead!'' :'''Oscar''': Sweet! I'm gettin' tired just thinkin' about all that money! ''[Sykes laughs]'' :'''Announcer''': ''Look at Lucky Day go!'' :'''Oscar and Sykes''': ''[singing] We're moving on up! To the East Side!'' :'''Announcer''': ''Absolutely amazing! This looks to be Lucky Day's big day! It's Lucky Day! [Lucky Day speeds up too fast and accidentally punches himself with his tail, causing him to tumble] Ooh, what happened?!? Lucky Day is down!'' :'''Oscar and Sykes''': ''We're moving on up! [they both embrace]'' :'''Sykes''': ''To the East Side!'' :'''Oscar''': ''[sees what's happenin' on the track, slow-motion] '''NOOOOOOOOO!!!''''' :'''Announcer''': ''[as the other seahorses pass Lucky Day] And here comes Fish Fingers, followed by Sea Biscuit, Yellowtail... and Fish Fingers wins.'' :'''Sykes''': What happened? Let me see. :'''Oscar''': Wait, wait, wait! I just wanna hold you. :'''Sykes''': Hey, Oscar, get outta my way. Let me see. ''[sees that Lucky Day has lost]'' :'''Announcer''': ''What a sad day for Lucky Day.'' :'''Oscar''': Uh, remember your happy place, Sykes. :'''Announcer''': ''And that's why they call him the long shot.'' :'''Oscar''': Yo, that was crazy, right? Who knew? I mean, everything's set, it's a lock, we good to go, we in the money, and he trips underwater. Who in the halibut trips underwater? ''[Sykes, seething with silent anger, rips the ticket up into small shreds]'' And by the way, on what? :'''Sykes''': That's it! That's it! I've had it! ''[puffs up; in a higher pitch]'' Ernie, Bernie, I want you to find the deepest, darkest hole in the ocean, and when you do, dig deeper, and put him in it! ''[inadvertedly pops a fish's balloon, causin' her to screams. Oscar is tied and gagged and thrown into a whale's mouth]'' Sorry, kid. It's nothing personal. It's just business. ''[Ernie closes the whale's mouth. Cut to the Oscar is bound and gagged with seaweed while Ernie and Bernie stings him for fun]'' :'''Ernie and Bernie''': ''[singing]'' 🎵 [[Bob Marley|Don't worry / About a thing / 'Cause every little thing / Is gonna be all right.]] 🎵 :'''Ernie''': This is how you sing it, Oscar. :'''Bernie''': Yeah. :'''Ernie''': Sykes, he like you, mon. :'''Bernie''': He say take it easy on you. :'''Ernie''': But Sykes is not here. ''[laughs]'' :'''Bernie''': True. Ernie, let me ask you a question. :'''Ernie''': Yeah, mon? Go on. :'''Bernie''': Why is it that me locks can sting other people, but they do not affect me or you? ''[zaps Ernie, who screams]'' Ernie! I didn't mean it, Ernie! I didn't mean it, mon! ''[Ernie laughs and points at Bernie]'' Ernie, you made a joke! Good one, mon! Respect! :'''Ernie''': Respect! :'''Bernie''': Bloodfire! <hr width=50%/> :''[Frankie and Lenny are swimming out of Lino's shipwreck]'' :'''Lenny''': Frankie, you know I can't do this. :'''Frankie''': Lenny, if you wanna make Pop happy, you've gotta kill something. :'''Lenny''': Or, I could find an old, sick fish and just wait. :'''Frankie''': It's getting around, the other day at the restaurant, you know how fish talk. Biddi-bip, biddi-bop, this-that, the other, then how you doing? Boom! Forget about it, ya dead. :'''Lenny''': Okay, seriously, I can't understand wise-guy, so you're gonna have to be specific. :'''Frankie''': Oh specific? You want specific? ''[smacks him]'' Be a shark for once in your life! :'''Lenny''': Ow! ''[downhearted]'' Oh, what am I going to do? :'''Frankie''': ''[apologetically]'' Oh, Lenny, look, we do a couple practice runs, badda-bing, badda-boom, Pop's happy, you're a shark, life goes on, capisce? :'''Lenny''': Okay, okay, capisce. :'''Frankie''': ''[noticing Oscar's anchoring]'' Wait, wait, Whoa. Bingo. Right there, dead ahead. You see it? TV Dinner. ''[the two hunker on the outer border of the divot]'' Don't get easier than this. :'''Lenny''': Alright. Come on. Eye of the tiger. Frankie, I can do this! What if I can't do this? :'''Frankie''': Then don't bother coming home. :'''Lenny''': Good point! All right. [''he swims to the bottom of the wasteland''.] :'''Bernie''': Hit him in the tail again. I like the funny face he make. :'''Ernie''': On the face. Yeah. :'''Bernie''': ''[noticing Lenny's approach]'' Ernie! :'''Ernie''': BLOW OUT! ''[they swim away in panic]'' :'''Oscar''': ''[Manages to get an arm free and removes his gag]'' Uh… Guys? Guys, don't leave me alone. Come on, there could be sharks out here! :'''Lenny''': [''he is near, Oscar notices him and screams''] Oh, no. Wait. I'm sorry. No, no, no. I'm not gonna… :'''Frankie''': Lenny. :'''Lenny''': What? :'''Frankie''': Like this. ''[makes animalistic chews motions and sounds, Lenny licks Oscar's back, only to recoil in disgust]'' :'''Oscar''': Just get it over with. Wait a minute. Do me a favor, don't chew me. I'm not for that. :'''Lenny''': I'm not gonna eat you. :'''Oscar''': Come on! Don't do the whole head trip thing with me. :'''Lenny''': Listen to me. Don't move until I tell you. ''[bites the seaweed free]'' :'''Oscar''': Ahhh! Back up! ''[Lenny makes animalistic noises as he fans the sand around him to make a cloud and obscure Frankie's vision]'' :'''Frankie''': That's it, Len. There you go, buddy! That's it. Wave those fins, baby! Dig in! :'''Lenny''': ''[snarls]'' Look, I'm just pretending so you can get away. Now, when I turn around, you take off. Tastes just like chicken. ''[Turns around acting like he has devoured Oscar]'' Mmm. Mmm. :'''Frankie''': ''[seeing Oscar behind Lenny; facepalming]'' [[Arthur (TV series)|Oh, no!]] ''[Lenny looks and notice Oscar is still there.]'' OH!! :'''Lenny''': What did I tell you?! :'''Oscar''': I'm sorry. I didn't get it. You want me to go now? :'''Lenny''': What are you doing? Just go! :'''Frankie''': That's it! I've had enough to here! ''[snarls. Having enough of Lenny not eating Oscar, Frankie charged right at Oscar to eat him.]'' :'''Oscar''': Oh, no! :'''Lenny''': Hurry! Swim! No, Frankie, wait! :'''Oscar''': '''''NO!!!''''' Get you boy! Get you boy! EEF! EEV! '''''OH, NO!''''' :'''Frankie''': STOP! ''[Before Frankie can eat Oscar, then Oscar screams and a massive anchor hit Frankie on the head before he could bite the fish.]'' :'''Lenny''': ''[gasps]'' Frankie! ''[he bites the chain of the anchor and throws the anchor to the other side]'' :'''Frankie''': Lenny... ''[coughs]'' Lenny, is that you? :'''Lenny''': I'm here, Frankie. :'''Frankie''': Come closer. :'''Lenny''': Yes. What is it? :'''Frankie''': I'm so cold... :'''Lenny''': That's just because we're cold-blooded. ''[Frankie slaps him last time]'' Ow! :'''Frankie''': ''[latest words]'' Moronic. ''[dies]'' :'''Lenny''': Frankie, nooooo. ''[gasps]'' '''NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!''' ''[sobs]'' This is all my fault! I'm so sorry, Frankie! How am I ever gonna explain this to Pop...? ''[gasps]'' Oh, no! ''[swims away and passes Oscar, who squeaks and lands in front of the now-deceased Frankie]'' :'''Oscar''': ''[finds Frankie dead behind him, thinks he's alive, and starts screaming crazily]'' Watch it! Back up! I'm crazy! I be tripping! ''[makes karate moves and noises until he accidentally kicks Bernie]'' :'''Bernie''': Ow! What the...?! ''[Oscar, Ernie, and Bernie all screams loudly; Oscar hides behind the dead Frankie, protesting]'' Don't hurt us! We're sorry! It was all Ernie's idea! ''[Ernie nods, then looks at Bernie angrily. Then they were surprised]'' :'''Ernie''': Oscar? Did you kill that shark?! :'''Oscar''': ''[looks down at Frankie's body before having an idea]'' Uh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Exactly how it looks; that's how it is. :'''Bernie''': What happened? :'''Oscar''': Oh, you… you wanna know what happened. :'''Bernie''': Yes, Mon. :'''Ernie''': You're standing on top of a shark, Mon. :'''Oscar''': I'll tell you what happen. :''[Cut to the outside of the Whale Wash, as Oscar tells lies to the fish about killing the shark]'' :'''Oscar''': Big old shark comes at me. 75, hundred feet long, with razor-sharp teeth. :'''Angie''': Ooh razors. :'''Oscar''': I say to him, "You coming at me like that? You come at the O like that?" :'''Angie''': Hey, do the muscle thing! The muscle thing! :'''Oscar''': Oh, right. So I say, "You see this guy?" ''[points at right bicep]'' "Well, he has a brother who lives right over here." ''[points at left bicep]'' "And I think it's time for a little..." :'''Oscar and Angie''': Family reunion! :''[Everyone cheers]'' :'''Bernie''': You see, mon. I told you. :'''Ernie''': We were right there. Right here. :'''Katie Current''': Pardon me. Move it! :'''Bernie''': Oh. Sorry. Sorry. She seems so nice on TV. :'''Katie Current''': Oscar, Katie Current. As the first fish in history to ever take on a shark and win, tell me: Does this mean you're now protector of the reef, new sheriff in town? :'''Oscar''': Katie, I'm gonna keep it real. I can call you Katie, right? :'''Katie Current''': Of course. :'''Oscar''': Any shark try to mess around in Oscar's town is going down! ''[crowd cheering]'' :'''Oscar''': Yeah, it's poetic. In the heat I get poetic. :'''Lola''': Oscar. Hmm. Oscar. :'''Sykes''': ''[shooting the press away]'' Get out of here, you barracudas. Any further questions will be fielded by me. :'''Katie Current''': And you are? :'''Sykes''': I'm his manager. Sykes, with a "y". :'''Crazy Joe''': And I'm his financial advisor. ''[everyone turns confused to Joe]'' You want to see my puppets? [raspy voice] Hello. :'''Oscar''': Could you excuse us for a moment, please? ''[to Sykes in a hushed tone]'' My manager? :'''Sykes''': Kid, you're a superstar. We're gonna make a fortune! Just let me handle it. :'''Oscar''': What about the 5G's? :'''Sykes''': Forget the 5G's. From now on, we're partners. :'''Oscar''': So what are we talking about here? :'''Sykes''': I'm thinking 90-10 split. :'''Oscar''': That's generous. :'''Sykes''': You're the I'm 10 I take my 90 off the top. :'''Oscar''': I don't think so. :'''Sykes''': Talk to me. :'''Oscar''': You get 15. :'''Sykes''': 70. :'''Oscar''': 20. :'''Sykes''': 75. :'''Oscar''': Dude, you're goin' the wrong way. :'''Oscar and Sykes''': 50/50. :'''Sykes''': You happy? :'''Oscar''': No. You happy? :'''Sykes''': No. :'''Oscar and Sykes''': Deal. ''[They dap one another up successfully]'' :'''Oscar''': My manager and I are now prepared to take your questions. :'''Katie Current''': Oscar, are you going to continue working here at the Wash? :'''Oscar''': Please, I barely work here now. ''[everyone laughs]'' :'''Sykes''': Keep it up, kid. You're slaying 'em. :'''Katie Current''': No. He's slaying sharks. :'''Sykes''': Hey, that's good. That's good, I like that. Oscar the Sharkslayer. :'''Shorties''': Whoa! A sharkslayer. :'''Katie Current''': You heard it here first. From now on, any shark tries to bother this reef, it's his funeral. <hr width=50%/> :''[Meanwhile the Sharks mourn the loss of Frankie.]'' :'''Shark''': Nomine Patri, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. :'''Don Feinberg''': ''[singing]'' [[Bette Midler|I could fly higher than an eagle...If you are the wind beneath my wings]] ''[coughs]'' Frankie, we'll miss you. :'''All''': To Frankie. :'''Giuseppe''': It's a terrible thing, Don Lino. Everybody loved Frankie. May whoever did this die a thousand deaths. May his stinking, maggot-covered corpse rot in the fiery depths of hell! :'''Don Lino''': Thank you for your kind thoughts, Giuseppe. :'''Giuseppe''': Oh, and may Lenny be found safe and sound too. Hope he's okay. :'''Don Lino''': Oh, Lenny... :'''Luca''': Don't worry, Boss. :'''Don Lino''': I said some things to him... We gotta find him. :'''Luca''': We're searching everywhere. Forget about it, he'll turn up. :'''Don Lino''': What's wrong with that kid? Why's he gotta be so different? Frankie, God rest his soul, he was perfect. Perfect. ''[Lenny, who has been eavesdropping outside of the window leaves with a muffled sobs]'' Oh... Luca. Who could have done this? :'''Don Feinberg''': Don Lino, at this most difficult time, please accept my deepest condolences. :'''Don Lino''': Thank you, Don Feinberg, for honoring my son with your song. :'''Don Feinberg''': I got some news, about the guy who took out Frankie. ''[he passes gas and the bubble knocks out an orca standing behind him]'' :'''Don Lino''': Let's... Yeah, let's talk over here. ''[They swim to the window]'' :'''Don Feinberg''': He come out of nowhere, this guy. Calls himself... ''[turns around with a flourish]'' The Sharkslayer! :'''Don Lino''': ''[behind him tapping his shoulder]'' Ira, over here... :'''Don Feinberg''': ''[turns to face Lino, makes the flourish again]'' Sorry. The Sharkslayer! :'''Don Lino''': Where do I find him? :'''Don Feinberg''': He lives on the South Side. That's all we could dig up. ''[to the other sharks]'' Any other requests? :'''Don Lino''': Hey, Luca. :'''Don Feinberg''': ''[offscreen]'' How about that Titanic song? :'''Other Sharks''': ''[offscreen; groaning]'' Oh, please no! Not again! :'''Don Lino''': ''[to Luca; getting more and more vengeful as he speaks]'' Get Sykes. He knows that Reef better than anybody. I want to know all about this guy. I want to know what he does. I want to know where he eats. I want to know where he sleeps. He pops a gill, I want to know about it. '''''Who is the Sharkslayer?''''' <hr width=50%/> :'''Male Fish''': Here he is. The Sharkslayer. ''[Mary J. Blige: "Got To Be Real"]'' :''[As the music played, Oscar becomes famous and had his picture on banners, screens and magazines. He even had his own apartment in the penthouse.]'' :'''Oscar''': Let's get this party started right! :''[The scene changes into a dance party]'' :'''Sykes''': There he is, the big O. :'''Oscar''': Sykes. :'''Sykes''': Pound that dog. Pound it. ''[dancing awkwardly]'' Oscar, raise the reef. Raise the reef, buddy. :'''Oscar''': ''[uncomfy]'' Uh, yeah... :'''Sykes''': Oh, yeah. Hot. :'''Oscar''': ''[distracted]'' Yeah, that's pretty... :'''Sykes''': Come on, cabbage patch. Cabbage patch. :'''Oscar''': ''[noticing Angie]'' Angie, you made it. :'''Angie''': Wait, you're gonna break my gift. :'''Oscar''': Come on. You didn't have to get me anything. What'd you get me? :'''Angie''': What does every bachelor pad need? :'''Oscar''': A lava lamp? How did you know I love lava lamps? You know what, I'm gonna put it right here next to my other one. ''[the other lava lamp in question is massive and green]'' Hey, come on, Ang. I wanna show you the best thing about this place. ''[staring out at the rest of the reef]'' How great is this view? :'''Angie''': Top of the reef. It's amazing. :'''Oscar''': I know. It's beautiful, right? :'''Angie''': Like you...r new apartment. It's... Wow. Awesome. What I'm trying to say is that I'm proud of you. :'''Oscar''': Yeah. It was nothing, really, you know. Hey... Hey, oh, you know what, wait right here. Don't move. I'll be right back. Girl, you are gonna flip. :''[He swims off and returns.]'' :'''Oscar''': I'm back. :'''Angie''': You're back. :'''Oscar''': You know, Ang...Where I am now, this whole new life I got, and all my dreams coming true... In a weird kinda way, I never could have done it without you. :'''Angie''': Oh, sure you could. Well, probably not. ''[chuckles]'' :'''Oscar''': Ang. Here. ''[he pulls out a box]'' :'''Angie''': Oh! Oscar! :'''Oscar''': I know. I know. I'm just sorry that it took so long. :'''Angie''': That's okay. :'''Oscar''': ''[he opens it to show a pearl]'' Bam! Huh? :'''Angie''': My grandmother's pearl. :'''Oscar''': ''[he reveals it as a pearl necklace]'' With interest! Now, I don't forget anything, and I never forget who my friends are. Ang, I... :'''Lola''': Oh, hi. I'm not interrupting something, am I? :'''Angie''': Yes, we're talking. :'''Oscar''': No. Hey, Lola. Wow. You're here. You, er, you gotta come best my meet friend, Angie. Uh, uh, eat my best men, Wangie...? :'''Lola''': Your best friend? Oh, that's sweet. So you won't mind if I steal him for a while, will you? ''[they enter the penthouse again]'' So, look who's a somebody after all. :'''Oscar''': Well, you know... :'''Random Fish''': ''[enters the penthouse while panicking] SHARKS! THE SHARKS! ON THE- ON THE EDGE OF THE REEF! THEY'RE GREAT WHITES!'' :''[Everyone panics]'' :'''Oscar''': EVERYONE, GO HOME! SPEND THE LAST FEW HOURS Y'ALL HAVE WITH EACH OTHER! ''[everyone stops screaming and looks at him with a belief pauses out]'' Oh...! I mean...that's how it used to be around here...but not since Oscar came to town! :''[Everyone cheers as Oscar pretends to growl with the grunt while stepping in the elevator. And as soon the elevator doors closes, Oscar begins sobbing and wailing all the way down]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[Oscar's hiding from two sharks sent to find Lenny in some kelp]'' :'''Oscar''': ''[to himself]'' Phew, that was close. :'''Lenny''': ''[appears behind him]'' Super close. ''[in fear, Oscar looks up to see him above]'' Don't panic. ''[Oscar looks down, and is about to screams but his mouth is covered]'' Quiet, a-bup-bup! We're safe. :'''Oscar:''': Oh, not you again! :'''Lenny''': Yeah. ''[suddenly]'' AHH WHAT WAS THAT?! :'''Oscar''': Oh, what is with you, man?! :'''Lenny''': Shh! He could be anywhere! :'''Oscar''': ''[gasps]'' Who? :'''Lenny:''' The Sharkslayer... :'''Oscar''': ''[laughs]'' There's no Sharkslayer around here. :'''Lenny''': Tchee-he-ha-ha. Yes, there is! :'''Oscar''': ''[mockingly]'' Tchee-he-ha-ha. No, there is not! Trust me on this one. :'''Lenny''': ''[sporadicly]'' Get a hold of yourself, man! This is no time to act crazy! :'''Oscar''': Hey, you're the one acting crazy, crazy! :'''Lenny''': ''[sighs; slaps himself]'' You're right. I'm sorry. I haven't been myself since the... the, uh... Don't cry. ''[cries in anguish]'' :'''Oscar''': No, no, it's not all that. Just relax. :'''Lenny''': ''[sorrowfully]'' It's my fault...! Kinda... not really... but still. My brother...! :'''Oscar''': You just need a little time, man. Look, the...things'll work out. :'''Lenny''': You think? :'''Oscar''': Yeah. So, look, I'm gonna take off...And you should just go home, Okay? :'''Lenny''': Okay. :'''Oscar''': Hey, good luck, dawg. :'''Lenny''': ''[grabs him]'' Wait! :'''Oscar''': What, man? :'''Lenny''': Uh, I didn't catch your name. :'''Oscar''': Gngh, Oscar! :'''Lenny''': I'm Lenny, hi! :'''Oscar''': Hi. :'''Lenny''': Where... where do you live? :'''Oscar''': ''[trying to get out of his grip]'' Lenny, where I'm from, fish don't like getting grabbed by sharks, okay? :'''Lenny''': I'm sorry. :'''Oscar''': Now, go home! :'''Lenny''': There is no home for me anymore, don't you understand that?! :'''Oscar''': ''[breaking out]'' You're too big to be grabbing on me like that! :'''Lenny''': Take me home with you! :'''Oscar''': Shh! :'''Lenny''': You won't even notice I'm there, I'm like the invisible shark! ''[he covers his eyes then uncovers them as Oscar looks at him increduosly]'' :'''Oscar''': ''[silent but angrily-ish] ARE YOU '''CRAZY?!''''' <hr width=50%/> :''[Lenny laughs uproariously]'' :'''Oscar''': I am the Sharkslayer; ''Oscar the Sharkslayerer!'', that's what people say. :'''Lenny''': ''[coming to a realization]'' Wait. You mean you...? :'''Oscar''': Uh-huh. :'''Lenny''': When the anchor... ''[gasps dramatically before smirking]'' Oh, you're a liar! :'''Oscar''': What? ''[scoffs]'' Please, I didn't lie! ''[Lenny gives him an "Oh, really?" glare]'' Alright, I lied. But it was a little lie! <hr width=50%/> :''[Both Oscar and Lenny are sneaking through Southside drain unseen]'' :'''Oscar''': ''[whispers]'' Alright, Lenny. follow my every move, and don't make a sound. :'''Lenny''': ''[whispers]'' You got it. ''[echoes]'' Oh an echo. ''[a little louder]'' Echooo! Now batting for the Southside Sharks #15- ''[Oscar slaps him]'' Ow! It's not okay to hit! <hr width=50%/> :'''Lenny''': Gee, if Pop knew that, he'd ice you for sure. :'''Oscar''': [chuckles] "Ice?" What's he, the Godfather or something? :'''Lenny''': Yeah. :'''Oscar''': ''[still chuckles]'' What do you mean "Yeah?" :'''Lenny''': Yeah, he is. ''[Oscar realizes this and gulps in fear as the background spins behind him]'' Hey. Are you alright? ''[Then the background drops backwards to the ground, and the shark from Oscar's right gobbles him up. We pull back as it was revealed to be the video games that Ernie and Bernie are playing video game]'' :'''Bernie''': [[The Fox and the Hound|Oh, man. I told you.]] :'''Ernie''': I'm doing it. :'''Bernie''': [[w:PlayStation 2|X, circle, X X, double left square, right trigger, down, square, square.]] :'''Ernie''': [[w:PlayStation 5|Oh, double square!]] Respect. :'''Bernie''': Respect. <hr width=50%/> :''[Sykes is talking to Lino over the phone]'' :'''Oscar''': Sykes. :'''Bernie''': Hey, Oscar. :'''Oscar''': Oh! Hey, Sykes. :'''Sykes''': ''[to Oscar]'' Hey, hey, hey. There he is, my brother, my player, the Sharkslayer! :'''Oscar''': Yeah, whatever, Sykes, listen... :'''Sykes''': ''[to Lino over the phone]'' And another thing: from now on, you're gonna have to start paying ME protection! :'''Oscar''': Sykes, the deal is off. That shark I killed was Don Lino's son. :'''Sykes''': I know! Ain't it great? :'''Oscar''': Not if he finds out! :'''Sykes''': What do you mean, "find out"? I've got him on the phone right now! ''[Oscar's eyes widen in fear]'' That's right, Lino. I've got the Sharkslayer right here in front of me. :'''Oscar''': ''[throat gesture while shaking his head]'' Mm-mm! Mm-mm! :'''Sykes''': ''[over the phone]'' And he's gonna slay you, and all your sharks. :'''Oscar''': Sykes, shut up! '''''SHUT... UP!''''' :'''Sykes''': Hey, hey, that's good. That's good, I like that! Shut up, Lino! Ha! SHUT UP! ''[Oscar groans]'' What? Oh, kid, he wants to talk to you. :'''Oscar''': ''[whispers]'' No. I'm not here. I'm not here! :'''Sykes''': Yeah, he's right here. ''[hands Oscar the phone]'' :'''Oscar''': ''[quiet high-pitched voice]'' Hello? :'''Don Lino''': ''[furious]'' "Shut up"? "''Shut up''"?! You don't tell ''ME'' "shut up", I tell ''YOU'' "shut up"! ''[As he talks, beeping is heard on the other side of the phone]'' What? Hello? :'''Luca''': Yeah, how ya doin'? Lemme have a pie with everything on it. Anchovies, meatballs, mushrooms- :'''Don Lino''': ''[startled and annoyed]'' Luca? :'''Luca''': Oh, hi, Boss. What are you doin' workin' at a pizza joint? :'''Don Lino''': ''[enraged]'' '''''GET OFF THE PHONE!!!''''' :'''Luca''': But I'm hungry! ''[reluctantly hangs up]'' :'''Don Lino''': ''[shakes his head in frustration, then returns his attention to Oscar]'' My guys are comin' for you, Sharkslayer! They're gonna tear you '''''FIN FROM FIN!''''' ''[slams the phone down in a rage, leaves Oscar frozen with horror]'' :'''Sykes''': ''[still oblivious to Oscar]'' C'mon, now who's your puff daddy, huh? Who takes care of you, huh? Huh? ''[turns to Ernie and Bernie play the Sharkslayer video game]'' C'mon, you two. We've got work to do. ''[turns off the TV]'' :'''Ernie''': Aww! Mon, I was winning! :'''Oscar''': ''[unsuccessfully tries to get Sykes' attention as the latter makes his way to the elevator]'' Sykes, Sykes, hold - Look, you've got it all wrong! :'''Sykes''': They're gonna write songs about you, kid. ''[sings]'' ''Oh, the shark bites...'' :'''Oscar''': Sykes! :'''Sykes''': ''With his teeth, dear.'' :'''Oscar''': Sykes, please! :'''Sykes''': ''And then Oscar...'' :'''Oscar''': Sykes! :'''Sykes''': ''Kicked his butt. [The elevator closes in Oscar's face]'' :'''Oscar''': Sykes! Sykes, man! ''[attempts to open the elevator]'' Come on! :'''Lola''': Maybe I can help. :'''Oscar''': Ooh. Hey Lola what are you doing here just popping out sometime places. <hr width=50%/> :''[Oscar sneaks back to the storage room]'' :'''Angie''': ''[suddenly appears at the storage room door]'' Hello, Oscar. :'''Oscar''': ''[screams; then catches his breath]'' Angie! Hey! W-what are you doing here? :'''Angie''': ''[innocently]'' What, Oscar, forget something? :'''Oscar''': W-W-Well, I-I-I— :'''Angie''': Maybe your forgot... ''[slams the door, revealing Lenny behind it]'' ...your shark?! :'''Lenny''': ''[sipping the soda]'' Hi. :'''Oscar''': Uh...SHARK! SWIM, ANGIE! I'LL COVER YA! GO ON WITHOUT ME! :'''Angie''': Oh, stop it! Your pet shark told me everything! :'''Oscar''': ''[shocked]'' Dang, Lenny?! Why?! :'''Lenny''': Don't look at me, I don't know! I like her! :'''Angie''': ''[friendly]'' Thanks you too. ''[then furiously to Oscar]'' WHAT were you THINKING, bringin' him here?! :'''Oscar''': Well...I'm still working out the kinks... :'''Angie''': Kinks?! You LIED! Everybody thinks you "slayed the shark!" How could you lie to me, Oscar?! ME?! :'''Oscar''': Don't take it personal, Angie! Come on, I lied to EVERYBODY! ''[Angie glares at him]'' All right, I totally betrayed you, but before we work this out, I got a small thing to take care of. :'''Angie''': Oh, yeah? What's that? :'''Oscar''': ''SHARKS'' are COMING to GET ME!! :'''Angie''': And they ''should''! What did you expect? You just take credit for killin' a shark and then everything would be fine and dandy for the rest of your life?! :'''Oscar''': Uh...yeah. But don't worry. Me and Lenny, we're gonna take care of this... :'''Lenny''': Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's with the "we"? I don't want any part of this! :'''Oscar''': Hey, too late now, veggie boy. They'll be looking for you, too! :'''Lenny''': Point taken. What's the plan? :'''Angie''': Oscar, here's the plan. ''You'' tell the truth. ''[to Lenny]'' And ''you'', go home. ''[Oscar and Lenny both stare at each other and then they both laugh]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[Oscar is pretends to battle Lenny in front of the fish city]'' :'''Oscar''': Do you hear them, Lenny?! They are going crazy, man! They love us! :'''Lenny''': They love ''you''. They hate ''me''! :'''Oscar''': ''[shocked]'' What?! :'''Lenny''': Can we switch sides? Maybe I can be the Fishslayer! They'll never see it coming! :'''Oscar''': Come on, man! Look. You sell this, you'll never have to go home again! You could start a new life! ''[Lenny nods his head understandingly]'' Now gimme a growl! :'''Lenny''': Okay. ''[purrs; he then clears his throat and roars loudly in Oscar's face]'' Like that? :'''Oscar''': That was...pretty good! <hr width=50%/> :''[At the Whale Wash]'' :'''Sykes''': ''[on the phone, while watches Oscar slay Lenny on TV]'' I don't think you understand how huge my client is. Turn on your TV right now! <hr width=50%/> :''[Lenny accidentally eats Oscar; at the Whale Wash]'' :'''Sykes''': ''[still on the phone]'' Turn off the TV, turn off the TV! ''[Back to Lenny]'' :'''Oscar''': ''[from inside Lenny's mouth]'' Don't... swallow. :'''Lenny''': Oscar? :'''Oscar''': No, it's [[Pinocchio (1940 film)|Pinocchio.]] Of course it's me! Why did you do that?! :'''Lenny''': I'm sorry... :'''Oscar''': No, "sorry" is when you step on somebody's fin at the theater! Yeah, that's "sorry"! "Sorry" is when you say "Hey, when's the baby due?" and it turns out the person's just FAT! No, this is as ''far away from "sorry"'' as you can ''possibly'' get! :'''Lenny''': Oscar, I think I'm gonna puke... :'''Oscar''': Oh, no, no, no, no...Lenny, just open up, nice and easy. ''[Lenny opens his mouth very slowly as he pretends to free himself in front of the crowd]'' [[w:Gladiator (film)|ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!]] ''[the crowd cheers]'' [[w:A Few Good Men (film)|YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!]] ''[the crowd cheers again]'' [[w:Jerry Maguire|YOU HAD ME AT HELLO!]] ''[The crowd cheers again; at the Whale Wash]'' :'''Sykes''': ''[still on the phone]'' Turn on your TV! What are you doing turning off your TV?! Turn it back on! <hr width=50%/> :''[Both Oscar and Lenny perform "The Flying Fish" as Oscar throws Lenny, who screamed, at the lights]'' :'''Lenny''': Uh-oh! ''[falls down to the abyss with a slow motion screams, then normal; Oscar kills Lenny]'' [[Open Season 2|'''''(WHOA, YOU KNOW WHAT, OSCAR, YOU CRASHED IT AND) CURSE YOU, SHARKSLAYEEEERER!!!? (CURSE YOU!)''''']] ''[then swims next to the pipe in stuck, screams once moreness perhaps, then notices the echoes as Oscar screams in off-screen, and Lenny snorts]'' Oscar, that's was great falling down abyss, then Oscar's victory. Ah, oh, ow, ow, ow, dow! OW! Crrsh! That is gonna hurt. Darn it! This is ridiculous! How could I have to the secret of [[Jonah: A VeggieTales Movie|whales and orcas]] because getting out of this pipes together. ''[fades out; to Oscar; off-screen]'' We just gonna get outta here was pipes. That was falling off this reef. :'''Oscar''': Uh. No! '''''AAAAAGGGHHH!!!''''' ''[rolls his eyes, then swims upwards; to Luca and the other sharks; angrily in raising voice very loudly after the crashing sound]'' [[Wreck-It Ralph|Nope! Sorry, Lenny, you cannot escape from pipe. Yeah. It was claimed my victory! And you tell Don ''LAME-O's'' it be dangerous '''''that I don't kills the sharks and I'll never, ever, ever, ever, OR NEVER EVER WANNA SEE ANOTHER SHARKS IN THIS REEF NEVER EVER ANYONE HURTING AGAAAAAAIIIIIIN!!! EVEEEEEEERS! EVER AGAIN!''''']] ''[they swim away in fears]'' Remember this name: '''''OSCAR THE SHARKSLAYER!''''' ''[The crowd cheers]'' :'''Sykes''': Aha! You see, you see? ''[?]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[After Angie sees Oscar kissing Lola]'' :'''Angie''': PRIVATE?! The entire reef saw you do it! :'''Oscar''': Hey, whoa. Somebody's in a bad mood. C'mon, Ang, lemme see that smile. Show me the smile, baby— :'''Angie''': Knock it off! :'''Oscar''': Eh...What has gotten into you? :'''Angie''': ME?! Oh, I swear, something I wanna take you big dumb dummy head and just... ''[punched her hand]'' Nnnyyyhh!!! :'''Oscar''': Ang, Ang, what is the problem? :'''Angie''': Problem?! There's no problem! I don't have any problem! Miss Perfect is the one with the problem! :'''Lenny''': Um, hey, you guys. :'''Oscar''': What you got against Lola? :'''Angie''': Not my lips. That's for sure. :'''Oscar''': Okay. What's going on? :'''Lenny''': I'm gonna stay out of this one. :'''Oscar''': Look, Why would you even care about Lola anyway. :'''Angie''': I don't! :'''Oscar''': Ya don't. :'''Angie''': No! :'''Oscar''': No what?! :'''Angie''': I don't know! :'''Lenny''': Hey guys, you wanna get... :'''Oscar and Angie''': NO! :'''Angie''': Just tell me, Oscar, 'cause I'm curious - why do you think she's interested, huh? Do you believe she would even be with you if you weren't the rich and famous sharkslayer? :'''Lenny''': Oh, you guys, please don't fight. :'''Angie''': Are you that blind?! :'''Oscar''': At least she treats me like I'm somebody! :'''Angie''': Yeah, but would she love you if you were nobody?! :'''Oscar''': ''[angrily]'' '''''NOBODY LOVED ME WHEN I WAS NOBODY!''''' :'''Angie''': ''[emotional]'' '''I DID!''' ''[Oscar is stunned; sadly swims her back on him]'' Before the money...And before the fame. ''[turns back to Oscar]'' Before the lie. To me, you were a somebody, Oscar. Now you're nothing but a fake. A sham. A con. You're a joke. ''[Oscar felt hurt at Angie's words, Angie looked down]'' :'''Lenny''': Here I come... ''[pops out from behind the curtains]'' Tah-dah! ''[singsong]'' Sebastian the Whale-Washin' Dolphin! ''[mimics dolphin clicks, but looks at them when calming down]'' :'''Oscar''': Angie... :'''Angie''': No, forget it! Just go! 'Cause I'm tired of hearing how everything you had in your life wasn't good enough. Including me. :''[Oscar then sadly swims away]'' :'''Lenny''': Angie? :'''Angie''': Oh, honey, I'm...I'm sorry. Go...Go back and do it again. :'''Lenny''': Hey, come on. ''[wipes her tears away]'' It'll be okay. <hr width=50%/> :'''Oscar''': You can't handle the truth. You've got Shark Breath. :'''Mrs. Sanchez''': What you kids doing? How many times I have to tell you? It's past your bed time. Go on. :'''Crazy Joe''': Hey. What are you kids up to? That looks pretty good. You should do this for a living. :'''Whale''': Preparation "O". It slays hemorrhoids like Oscar slays sharks. Hey, Oscar. Preparation O. :'''Oscar''': Angie was right. I am a joke. :'''Lola''': Hey, Sharkslayer. Why are you out here? All your friends are inside. :'''Oscar''': Not all my friends. :'''Lola''': You mean that little bottom feeder from the Whale Wash? Forget about her. She's a nobody. :'''Oscar''': No, I'm the nobody. :'''Lola''': ''[laughs]'' Oh, let me guess. She told you that she loves you. Is that it? ''[laughs]'' It's not like you feel the same way about her. ''[laughs]'' :'''Oscar''': ''[realizing he loves Angie more than Lola]'' You know, I don't think this is gonna work out. :'''Lola''': ''[chuckles, but then stops]'' Wait. Are you dumping me? ''[Oscar sadly nods, but gasps as she gives him a livid glare]'' Let me explain something to you. :''[Cut to inside]'' :'''Sykes''': ''[dancing with a fish girl]'' We're gonna party like it's your birthday... ''[they suddenly hear a thudding sound and see Lola whacking Oscar against the windows with a thunk]'' Ha! Young Love! ''[he and the other partygoers laugh]'' :''[Lola angrily slams Oscar one more time and sulks away. Oscar slowly slides down, his saliva leaving an impression of a heart implanted on the window]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[The Four Tops: "I Can't Help Myself (Sugar Pie Honey Bunch)"]'' :'''Lenny''': Hey, Oscar! :'''Oscar''': Hey, I can't talk. I gotta find Angie. I need to tell her...I love her! :'''Man''': ''[singing] You come and you go...'' :'''Male Fish''': Way to go, Oscar. <hr widht=50%/> :'''Bernie''': Whale Wash, where you get a whale of a wash and the price... :'''Ernie''': Gimme the phone. ''[grabs the phone]'' And the price is...very very low. Considering how good the wash is! :'''Sykes''': ''[annoyed]'' Look, look, look! For the last time, it's "gosh". "Whale Wash: You get a whale of a wash, and the price - Oh, my gosh"! :'''Ernie''': Got it. ''[phone rings]'' Whale Wash... :'''Bernie''': ''[grabs the phone]'' Rhymes with "gosh". :''[Bernie and Ernie laugh]'' :'''Sykes''': ''[steamed]'' That's it! Get outta here! Go be useless somewhere else! :''[Bernie and Ernie swim away]'' :'''Oscar''': ''[shows up with Lenny]'' Sykes, where's Angie? :'''Sykes''': You tell me. <hr width=50%/> :'''Oscar''': ''[answering the phone]'' Hello? :'''Luca''': Is this the Sharkslayer? :'''Oscar''': Yeah. Who's this? :'''Luca''': Hi, this is Luca the Octopu...I mean...forget about it. Just listen up and follow these instructions, to the letter like. File cabinet, bottom drawer, there's a package... ''[Oscar opens the package to find the necklace he gave Angie...]'' That's right, tough guy. We got your girl. Now there's gonna be a sit-down. :'''Lenny''': ''[whispers]'' Who is it? :'''Oscar''': Shh. :'''Luca''': Be there if you don't wanna see her sleeping with the fishes... ''[Oscar's confused]'' ...the DEAD ones! ''[Oscar became shocked]'' Now nod your head if you understand. ''[Oscar nods his head]'' Now tell me if you nodded your head. :'''Oscar''': I nodded. ''[they both hang up]'' They got Angie. And they want a sit-down. I never meant for anybody to get hurt, especially not Angie. This is all my fault. :'''Sykes''': That's a classic move. I've seen it a thousand times. :''[As Oscar noticed Angie's love drawing on the clipboard]'' :'''Lenny''': They take the thing you love the most, and then they use it against you. :'''Oscar''': ''[after a moment of silence; determined]'' Look, we gotta go to that sit-down, and we gotta save her. :'''Lenny''': Whoa, whoa, whoa. Look, I wanna save Angie, too. But I can't just waltz in there and say, "Hi, Pop, I'm a dolphin!" :'''Sykes''': ''[surprised]'' Lenny? :'''Lenny''': "And my friend, the Sharkslayer here's a fake." :'''Sykes''': Fake? :'''Lenny''': Come on, we're gonna need a better plan than that! :'''Sykes''': ''[laughs]'' This is a joke, right? This is a joke. Because you know, I told Lino... ''[suddenly flashes back to his phone call with Lino]'' :'''Flashback Sykes''': ''[over phone]'' Shut up, Lino! Shut up! ''[Don Lino growls]'' :''[After flashback, Sykes inflates in a fit of panic]'' :'''Sykes''': ''[in a high-pitched voice]'' Tell me you didn't make it all up, kid! Tell me that's not Lenny! Tell me you're a real Sharkslayer! Please! :'''Oscar''': ''[sadly]'' I'm sorry, Sykes. I'm not. ''[his mood suddenly brightens as he remembers something]'' But the sharks don't know that. <hr width=50%/> :'''Sykes''': Will you stop screwin' around? This'll never work. We're dead. :'''Oscar''': Thank you, Sykes. Thank you. My man Sykes just begged me not to murder-lise all y'all up in here, all right. Now, I might listen to him, but then again I might not. And that depends on the individual behavior of all the individuals in here, individually. Ain't that right? :'''Hammerhead #1''': Look, he's got dolphin muscle. :'''Hammerhead #2''': My uncle Vito got whacked by one of those. :'''Oscar''': All right. Now which one of you sardines called this meeting? :'''Don Lino''': ''[enters]'' That would be me. So, this is the Sharkslayer. I've been lookin' forward to meeting you. I feel like we're practically family. You know that? Funny, ain't it? I brought my kids into the world, full of love and care, and you took them out. You know who I am? Do you know who I am? I'm the Don. The boss of the Great White Sharks. :'''Luca''': Hey, boss, I saved you a seat. :'''Don Lino''': I've been runnin' this reef since before you was born. And if you thought a guy like me can't get to a guy like you... Guess what? You thought wrong. :''[He lifted up the cover to reveal the gagged Angie.]'' :'''Oscar''': Pah. Man, you the one who's wrong. I barely even know that girl. What's your name, miss? :'''Lola''': Oh, yeah? Well, I say he's bluffing. :'''Shark''': Marone, if I wasn't married. :'''Don Feinberg''': How ya doin', pretty lady? :'''Oscar''': Lola. We meet again. :'''Lola''': You know, Sharkslayer, there's only one thing I like better than money. ''Revenge''. :'''Shark''': Oh! I'm in love. :'''Don Lino''': Your sharkslayin' days are over. And there ain't nothing you can do about it. :''[Oscar laughs]'' :''[Lenny and Sykes laugh]'' :'''Don Lino''': Huh? What's so funny? :'''Luca''': Ow. :'''Oscar''': You got nothing. Nothing! Sebastian, take her out. :''[As commanded, Lenny swoops down and "eats" Angie.]'' :''[Oscar hums U Can't Touch This]'' :[[W:MC Hammer|Can't touch this.<br />Can't touch this.<br />Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh]] :'''Oscar''': Stop. Oscar time. :''[After Lenny "eats" Angie]'' :'''Oscar''': Okay, new rules. Nobody, I repeat, nobody, makes a move without my OK. I am the Panama Canal, baby. From now on, everything ''[places a spoon on Giuseppe's nose]'' flows through me. :'''Giuseppe''': Heh?! What'd he do?! What'd he do?! I can't see it! :'''Oscar''': You don't lose a tooth, you don't grow one back without my okay, okay? :'''Mako Shark''': ''[nervously]'' Okay. :''[The swordfish sneezes, stuck to the table]'' :'''Oscar''': If you sneeze, you don't wipe that boogie without my okay, okay? :'''Orca''': ''[scared]'' Okay. :'''Oscar''': And you don't ''say'' "okay" without my okay? ''Okay?!'' :''[One of the whale faints, Lenny starts gagging]'' :'''Sykes''': Uh-Oh. Okay, thank you all for coming. We gotta go. :'''Oscar''': Oh, and one more thing. What's with all y'all living in the Love Boat? :'''Sykes''': Oscar... :'''Oscar''': Y'all are supposed to be the mob. Get yourselves a real hideout. :'''Lenny''': ''[gagging]'' Oscar? :'''Oscar''': ''[to Lino]'' And take a good look, Lino. It's ''over''. You're old school...! :'''Sykes and Lenny''': Oscar! :'''Oscar''': What?! ''[Lenny makes a last gag and retches out Angie, a violin, a sidewalk sweeper, a radio box and a car license plate]'' :'''Lenny''': The horror! '''THE HORROR!''' ''[one of the sharks eats the license plate; retches out a beach ball]'' :'''Oscar''': ''[chuckles]'' Um, excuse me. ''[swims over to Angie]'' Ang, are you okay? :'''Angie''': No, I am not okay! He ''ate'' me! :'''Lenny''': I couldn't take it. The taste was killing me! :'''Don Lino''': ''[sees Lenny]'' Lenny? Is that you? You're alive? ''[hugs Lenny]'' I thought I lost you. ''[noticed his disguise]'' What are you wearing? Huh? What is that? ''[Dejected, Lenny takes off his black and yellow scarf, then scrubs his nose with his sponge and takes off the red rubber band. The sharks gasps in assortment]'' :'''Luca''': Hey, Boss, it's Lenny, he was wearing a disguise so we couldn’t recognize him, but now he's not wearing a disguise, so we ''do'' recognizing him. :'''Lenny''': ''[still dejected]'' Hi, Pop... :'''Don Lino''': ''[upset]'' Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me?! Are you out of your ''mind''?! Do you have any idea how this looks?! :'''Giuseppe''': ''[whispers to another shark]'' This is the best sit down I ever been to. :'''Don Lino''': What are you doing with this guy?! He took out your own flesh and blood, Frankie! :'''Lenny''': But Pop, just listen... :'''Don Lino''': But nothing! You never take sides against the family! '''Ever!''' :'''Oscar''': Hey, Don. Lino, Sir. Listen, it's not his fault. This is between you and me. :'''Don Lino''': What did I ever do to ''YOU''?! You took Frankie away, and you turned Lenny into a dolphin! ''[turns furious]'' '''I'M GONNA GET YOU!''' :''[Oscar shrieks, Don Lino starts chasing him]'' :'''Angie''': Oscar, look out! :'''Lenny''': Oscar, swim! ''[opens the door]'' Swim for your life! <hr width=50%/> :''[Don Lino gets wedged in a porthole while chasing Oscar]'' :'''Don Lino''': ''[calling after Oscar]'' You're gonna regret the day you became the Sharkslayer! :'''Shrimp''': ''[appears in another porthole]'' Well, well, well...look who's stuck in the porthole. :'''Don Lino''': Huh? :'''Shrimp''': You still hungry, big guy? Well, say hello to my little friends! :''[A bunch of shrimps appear and attack Lino]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Ernie''': Hello, Sykes' Whale Wash; And the price... ''[sees Don Lino chasing Oscar]'' OH MY GOSH! :'''Bernie''': ''[not knowing]'' Hey, you got it right! ''[suddenly sees Don Lino also. They swim away in fear]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Oscar''': Lenny, what are you doing in there?! :'''Lenny''': Sorry. <hr width=50%/> :''[The crowd is cheering for Oscar for trapping Lino and Lenny in the Whale Wash machines]'' :'''Oscar''': ''[finally having enough]'' '''STOP! ''I AM NOT A REAL SHARKSLAYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRER!!!!''''' ''[the crowd stops cheering and stares in disbelief, and Angie stops to look back]'' I lied. :'''Don Lino''': ''[shocked]'' What? :'''Crazy Joe''': ''[tearfully]'' And I'm not a real financial adviser! :'''Oscar''': ''[awkwardly]'' Okay... ''[to Don Lino]'' It was an anchor that killed Frankie. I didn't have anything to do with it, and neither did Lenny. :'''Don Lino''': ''[to Lenny]'' Well then... If that was true, why did you run away? :'''Lenny''': Because you always wanted me to be like Frankie. I'll never be the shark you want me to be. :'''Oscar''': ''[to Don Lino]'' ''What'' is your ''problem''?! So your son likes kelp, so his best friend is a fish, so he likes to dress like a dolphin! So ''what''?! Everybody loves him, just the way he is. Why can't you? Don't make the same mistake that I did. I didn't know what I had...until I lost it. :''[Unnoticed by him, Angie looks moved in the background]'' :'''Don Lino''': ''[close to tears]'' Can you get me outta this, so I can hug my kid, and tell him I'm sorry? :'''Lenny''': ''[smiles tearfully]'' Pop. :''[Oscar frees Lino and Lenny from the Whale Wash machines]'' :'''Don Lino''': Come here, you. ''[hugs Lenny]'' I love you, son. No matter what you eat, or how you dress. :'''Angie''': ''[appears]'' Oscar? :'''Oscar''': ''[sees her]'' Angie? Oh, Angie. I wish I knew now what I knew then. I mean...I wish you knew...what I knew...before this... :'''Crazy Joe''': You're blowin' it, man! :'''Oscar''': Mind your business, alright?! It's emotional...and it's pressure! ''[turns back to Angie]'' What I'm sayin' is...I didn't need the Top of the Reef. Everything I ever wanted...was right in front of me the whole time. :'''Angie''': But what about being a somebody? :'''Oscar''': I'm a nobody without you. ''[Angie smiles. Crazy Joe pulls out his puppets making kissing noises]'' ''[awkwardly: to Joe]'' You're not helping. ''[chuckles]'' :'''Angie''': Oh. Come here, you big dumb, dummy head! ''[kisses Oscar]'' :'''Sykes''': I never told you two this, but you're the best henchmen a guy ever had. C'mon, group hug. :'''Ernie''': Sorry, man. Come, Sykes, try again, mon. Don't fret. :'''Sykes''': Forget it. The moment's gone. :'''Oscar''': So, uh, Lino... Uh, Don... We cool, right? I mean, like the reef is safe? Walk the streets, you know, without... aaah! You know. :'''Don Lino''': Yeah, we're cool. :''[cheering]'' :'''Katie Current''': Oscar. Excuse me. You've lost everything you lied so hard to achieve. Tell me, what's next for you? <hr width+50%/> :'''Angie''': Come on, everyone's waiting, Mr. Manager. :'''Oscar''': All right, I just gotta put the finishing touch on my new desk. Love ya, Pop. :'''Sykes''': Yo, dog. :'''Oscar''': Sykes. :'''Sykes''': All right, partner, let's see what you can do. :'''Oscar''': Sykes and Oscar's Whale Wash is now open for business. :''[crowd cheering]'' :''[Christina Aguilera and Missy Elliott: "Car Wash"]'' :'''Oscar''': Yo, E, B. Let's get this party bumpin'. :'''Bernie''': Yo, yo. It's E and B on the wheels of steel. :'''Oscar''': Yo, Christina. Missy. How about we have a little Oscar-licious fun? Don't try this at home. :'''Lenny''': Hey, Angie, sorry Pop and I are late, but we brought some new customers. :'''Luca''': Hey, how ya doin'? :'''Angie''': Wow. :'''Lenny''': OK, guys, come on in. :'''Sykes''': Come on, snap your fin. Snap it. You're not snapping it. :'''Don Lino''': I'm snapping it, I'm snapping it! :'''Sykes''': That's okay, a lot of great whites can't do it, yo. :'''Don Lino''': Yo? :'''Sykes''': Yo, what's up? :'''Don Lino''': What's up with what? :'''Sykes''': Yo-yo-yo, yo-yo-yo, yo-yo-yo-yo... :'''Don Lino''': ''[threatening]'' Hey, you say "Yo" one more time, and I'm gonna yo you! :'''Sykes''': ''[stops]'' I'm sorry. <hr width=50%/> :'''Lola''': ''[arrives at Oscar's former penthouse]'' Hello? Hello? Oscar? Listen, Baby, I know I was a bad girl, but you'd have to be crazy not to take me back. :'''Crazy Joe''': ''[appears in front of Lola]'' Did someone say ''crazy''? <hr width=50%/> :'''Crazy Joe''': Hey! You gonna eat the rest of your popcorn? ''[eats the popcorn, groaning]'' Too much butter! Hey! A nacho! ''[eats the nacho]'' <hr widths=50%/> :'''Crazy Joe''': ''[flies up to the end credits]'' You're not even halfway done yet. <hr width=50%/> :''[Last lines; after the credits]'' :'''Mrs. Sanchez''': ''[opens the window; to the viewers]'' What're you doing? Go on. Get out of here. Come on. It's past your bedtime! ''[shuts the window]'' :''[Fades to black]'' ==Delete Scenes from Dialogue== :'''Lenny''': Ah! Oh! Ow, ow, ow! Dow! OWWWW! ==Trailer== Random ==Taglines== * In fall, a new school will rule * The story of what happens when one little fish tells a great white lie... * Behind every little fish is a great white lie. * A new school's gonna rule... ==Cast== * [[Will Smith]] — Oscar * [[Robert De Niro|Robert de Niro]] — Don Lino * [[w:Renée Zellweger|Renée Zellweger]] — Angie * [[Jack Black]] — Lenny * [[Angelina Jolie]] — Lola * [[Martin Scorsese]] — Sykes * [[Ziggy Marley]] – Ernie * [[w:Doug E. Doug|Doug E. Doug]] – Bernie * [[w:Michael Imperioli|Michael Imperioli]] — Frankie * [[w:Vincent Pastore|Vincent Pastore]] — Luca * [[w:Peter Falk|Peter Michael Falk]] — Don Ira Fienberg * [[w:Katie Couric|Katie Couric]] — Katie Current * David P. Smith — Crazy Joe * [[Phil LaMarr]] — Prawn * David Soren — Shrimp * Shelley Morrison — Mrs. Sanchez * ? – Whale ==External Links== {{wikipedia}} * {{imdb title|id=0307453|title=Shark Tale}} * {{rotten-tomatoes|id=shark_tale|title=Shark Tale}} {{Shark Tale}} {{DreamWorks Animation}} {{DreamWorks Pictures}} [[Category:Shark Tale]] [[Category:2004 films]] [[Category:2004 computer-animated films]] [[Category:2004 American animated films]] [[Category:American computer-animated films]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy films]] [[Category:Animated films about revenge]] [[Category:Films about revenge]] [[Category:Animated films about death]] [[Category:Films about death]] [[Category:Animated films about fish]] [[Category:Animated buddy films]] [[Category:Buddy films]] [[Category:Films about sharks]] [[Category:Films about lying]] [[Category:Mafia comedy films]] [[Category:Films directed by Rob Letterman]] [[Category:DreamWorks Animation]] [[Category:2000s English-language films]] [[Category:Film controversies]] iw88x1b7okzthskgityxswq4n4ydo54 0 29270 3778720 2727160 2025-07-14T14:05:16Z UDScott 4304 ±[[Category:Christians]]→[[Category:Christians from the United States]]; ±[[Category:Comedians]]→[[Category:Comedians from the United States]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778720 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:David Spade2 (cropped).jpg|thumb|right|Spade in 2008]] '''[[w:David Spade|David Wayne Spade]]''' (born [[July 22]], [[1964]], Birmingham, Michigan) is an American actor, comedian and producer. He is perhaps most famous for his tenure on ''[[Saturday Night Live]]''. He is of Dutch, English, German, Irish, Northern Irish (Scotch-Irish), and Swiss descent. == Quotes == *You can't get a big head about [fame]. When people stare at me, they could be whispering to their friend, 'That guy sucks! Have you seen him before? He's horrible.' ** [[w:Hollywood Minute|Hollywood Minute]], ''Saturday Night Live'' *The "new" [[w:Fleetwood Mac|Fleetwood Mac]] were singing "Don't Stop". I've got a message for the new Fleetwood Mac: ''DO'' Stop! Touring; recording; saying you're legends.<br />[[w:Michael Bolton|Michael Bolton]], big star, popular musician, guess what? You're bald and we all know it. I don't care how long you grow your hair in the back but we all know what's happening on top. I know you sold nine million albums but guess what? I don't know anyone who's got one. <br />[[Steve Martin]]. What about ''[[w:Leap of Faith (film)|Leap of Faith]]''? I was going to see it but I was sick that day. <br /> I finally sat through The Bodyguard and: [imitates the song] Iiiiiiiii-eee-iiiiiii-want my money back! ** [[w:Hollywood Minute|Spade in America]], ''Saturday Night Live'' *Boom, baby! ** As quoted in [[The Emperor’s New Groove]]. *I only know three songs by [[w:REM|REM]] and guess what? I don't like two of them! That's right, I'm not cool- I don't like REM. Don't hang out with me, I'm a nerd.<br>I saw REM, they're the best. The [[w:Michael Stipe|lead singer]] is so serious and heavy, he comes out, all, 'This next song is about the overcommercialization of rock and roll and how corporations have come and' -- hey, just sing the goddamn songs, alright buddy? I'm already depressed, I want you to make me [[w:Shiny Happy People|shiny and happy!]]<br>The thing about Showtime is, it's basically softcore porn. I'm into it. I forget I have Showtime, until like, Saturday mornings when I get home from work, and it's: cartoon, cartoon, cartoon, 'Warning: This program contains massive nudity.' Yeeeah! ** ''David Spade: Take the Hit'', HBO Special, 1997 *Cindy ([[Chris Farley]]): That reminds me, I have a joke: I heard Michael Jackson went shopping at K-Mart because there was a sale! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!<br>Christy (Spade): You messed it up, dumbbell! He went shopping at K-Mart because he heard little boys' pants were half off. ** "Gap Girls", ''Saturday Night Live'' *Steward (Spade): [sarcastically ushering passangers off of the plane] Buh-bye. Buh-bye. Buh-Bye [to a fat passanger]Buh-bye. You're very heavy.<br>Fat Passanger (Chris Farley): What did you say?<br>Steward: I said buh-bye! I just said buh-bye 40 times in a row why would I say anything else? It doesn't make sense! Did I just say something without knowing it? No! Go! Buh-bye!<br><br>Passenger ([[w:Adam Sandler|Adam Sandler]]): I'm gonna be waiting for you outside in the terminal.<br>Steward: Great, buh-bye.<br>Passenger: No, no, no, there's more. I'm gonna pound your face in.<br>Steward: Okay, Slick. Buh-bye!<br>Passenger: I'm gonna destroy you!<br>Steward: Buh-BYE!<br>Passenger: I am gonna KICK THE CRAP OUTTA YOU!<br>Steward: YEAH?! BUH-BYE! ** ''Saturday Night Live'' * That's fine. Now should I give you the money or should I shove the quarters directly up your fat ass? Whee-hee! ** [[w:Toll Booth Willie|Toll Booth Willie]] * Oh my God! I was always wondering what it would be like to run over a dried up, stinky, dick licker. ** Toll Booth Willie *[[w:Myspace|Myspace]] is a great way to keep in touch with friends whom you don't care enough about to actually have a conversation with. Why bother calling to say 'How are you?' when you can just surf their page and post an mpeg of a guy farting on his cat?<br>[Myspace is] this website where young people can post pictures and info about themselves for anyone to see. When I first heard about it, I thought to myself, 'Finally a Yellow Pages for sex offenders. Why didn't I think of that?'<br>The most popular ([[American Idol]]) contestants have been: [[w:Scott Savol|white people that sound black]], [[w:Taylor Hicks|young people that sound old]], and [[w:Clay Aiken|straight guys that sound gay]].<br>The [[w:American Idol Season 5|final five]] are exactly like [[w:The Breakfast Club|The Breakfast Club]]: There's the [[w:Judd Nelson|rebel]]([[w:Chris Daughtry|Chris Daughtry]]), the [[w:Molly Ringwald|princess]] ([[w:Katharine McPhee|Katharine McPhee]]), the [[w:Anthony Michael Hall|nerd]] ([[w:Elliot Yamin|Elliot Yamin]]), the [[w:Ally Sheedy|weirdo]] ([[w:Paris Bennett|Paris Bennett]])...and of course, the [[w:Paul Gleason|principal]] ([[w:Taylor Hicks|Taylor Hicks]]). What? He's old!<br>''([[w:Ryan Phillippe|Ryan Phillippe]] & [[w:Reese Witherspoon|Reese Witherspoon]])'' Broke up, ''([[w:Kid Rock|Kid Rock]] & [[w:Pamela Anderson|Pamela Anderson]])'' broke up, ''([[w:Vince Vaughn|Vince Vaughn]] & [[w:Jennifer Aniston|Jennifer Aniston]])'' broke up, ''([[w:Kate Moss|Kate Moss]] & [[w:Pete Doherty|Pete Doherty]])'' coked up. They said it wouldn't last; not the marriage, the stash. [[w:Daniel Craig|007]], [[w:Paris Hilton|.08]], [[w:Tracy Morgan|1.2]], [[w:Tyra Banks|215]]. [[w:Lance Bass|Came out]], [[w:Neil Patrick Harris|came out]], ''([[w:Tom Brady|Tom Brady]] and [[w:Bridget Moynihan|Bridget Moynihan]])'' came in, ''(Brady and [[w:Gisele Bündchen|Gisele Bündchen]])'' came in. [[w:Mel Gibson DUI incident|Hates Jews, went to rehab, loves Jews]]; [[w:Isaiah Washington|hates gays, went to rehab, now loves gays]]; [[w:Michael Richards#Laugh Factory incident|hates blacks, didn't go to rehab, still hates blacks]]. [[w:Kevin Federline|'Father Knows Best']], ''(with [[w:Britney Spears|Britney Spears]])'' 'Mad About You,' ''(Spears without panties)'' 'Leave It to Beaver.' [[w:Tom Cruise|New father]], [[w:Ben Affleck|new father]], [[w:Dannielynn Marshall Stern paternity case|new father?]] [[w:Steve Irwin|R.I.P.]], [[w:Nicole Richie|D.U.I.]], [[w:Katie Holmes|P.O.W.]] '[[w:Rosie O'Donnell#Donald Trump controversy|You're a hypocrite,]]' '[[w:Rosie O'Donnell|you're fat,]]' '[[w:Donald Trump|you're rude,]]' '[[w:Rosie O'Donnell|you're ugly,]]' whoa, whoa, whoa, guys. Stop fighting, you're both right. [[w:Robin Williams|Booze]], [[w:Snoop Dogg|pot]], [[w:Nicole Richie|Vicodin]], [[w:Daniel Baldwin|crack]], [[w:Bobby Brown|booze, pot, Vicodin, and crack]]. **''[[w:The Showbiz Show with David Spade|The Showbiz Show with David Spade]] ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Spade, David}} [[Category:Actors from the United States]] [[Category:Christians from the United States]] [[Category:Comedians from the United States]] [[Category:People from Michigan]] [[Category:Living people]] 3619rsie0r3ymc6ou564t9tcihoqmgb 0 30011 3778735 3660717 2025-07-14T15:25:44Z 160.72.80.178 /* 1980s */ "Included additional quotation anout nuclear war by the philosopher [[Robert L. Holmes]]"~~~~NHPL 3778735 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:AtomicWar0101.jpg|thumb|We're in [[God]]'s hands. But He does not look kindly on [[w:Tower of Babel|Babel-builders]]. </br> —[[J. R. R. Tolkien]]]] '''[[w:Nuclear warfare|Nuclear warfare]]''', also known as '''atomic warfare''', is a military conflict or prepared political strategy that deploys [[nuclear weapon]]ry. == Quotes == === Premonitions === * Man has mounted [[science]], and is now run away with. I firmly believe that before many centuries more, science will be the master of men. The engines he will have invented will be beyond his strength to control. Someday science may have the existence of mankind in its power, and the human race commit suicide, by blowing up the world. ** [[Henry Adams]], Letter to Charles Francis Adams Jr. (London, April 11, 1862); in J. C. Levenson, E. Samuels, C. Vandersee and V. Hopkins Winner (eds.), ''The Letters of Henry Adams: 1858-1868'' (1982), vol. 1, p. 290 * In the map of nearly every country of the world three or four more red circles, a score of miles in diameter, mark the position of the dying atomic bombs, and the death areas that men have been forced to abandon around them. Within these areas perished museums, cathedrals, palaces, libraries, galleries of masterpieces, and a vast accumulation of human achievement, whose charred remains lie buried, a legacy of curious material that only future generations may hope to examine. ** [[H. G. Wells]], [[w:The World Set Free|''The World Set Free'']] (1914), p. 222 === 1940s === * If they do not now accept our terms they may expect a rain of ruin from the air, the like of which has never been seen on this earth. ** [[Harry S. Truman]], White House Press Release Announcing the Bombing of Hiroshima (August 6, 1945); this announcement was based largely on a draft of 31 July, by Secretary of War [[w:Henry L. Stimson|Henry Stimson]] * This revelation of the secrets of nature, long mercifully withheld from man, should arouse the most solemn reflections in the mind and conscience of every human being capable of comprehension. We must indeed pray that these awful agencies will be made to conduce to peace among the nations, and that instead of wreaking measureless havoc upon the entire globe, may become a perennial fountain of world prosperity. ** [[Winston Churchill]], Statement drafted following the atomic bombing of Hiroshima. Due to the change in government, the statement was released by [[Clement Attlee]] (August 6, 1945). In ''Victory: War Speeches by the Right Hon. Winston Churchill'' (1946), p. 289 * The news today about "Atomic bombs" is so horrifying one is stunned. ... Such explosives in men's hands, while their [[moral]] and [[intellectual]] status is declining, is about as useful as giving out firearms to all inmates of a gaol and then saying that you [[hope]] "this will ensure [[peace]]". But one good thing may arise out of it, I suppose, if the write-ups are not overheated: [[Japan]] ought to cave in. Well we're in [[God]]'s hands. But He does not look kindly on [[w:Tower of Babel|Babel-builders]]. ** [[J. R. R. Tolkien]], from a letter to his son [[w:Christopher Tolkien|Christopher]] (August 9, 1945) in ''[[w:The Letters of J. R. R. Tolkien|The Letters of J. R. R. Tolkien]]'' (1981) * ... the enemy has begun to employ a new and most cruel bomb, the power of which to do damage is, indeed, incalculable, taking the toll of many innocent lives. Should we continue to fight, not only would it result in an ultimate collapse and obliteration of the Japanese nation, but also it would lead to the total extinction of human civilization. ** [[Hirohito]], ''Imperial Rescript on the Termination of the War'' (August 15, 1945), accepting the [[w:Potsdam Declaration|Potsdam Declaration]] * One must expect a war between U.S.A. and U.S.S.R. which will begin with the total destruction of London. I think the war will last 30 years, and leave a world without civilised people, from which everything will have to be built afresh — a process taking (say) 500 years. ** [[Bertrand Russell]], Letter to Gamel Brenan (September 1, 1945). In Nicholas Griffin (ed.), ''Selected Letters'' (2002), p. 410 * What a curious picture it is to find man, ''homo sapiens'', of divine origin, we are told, seriously considering going underground to escape the consequences of his own folly. With a little wisdom and foresight, surely it is not yet necessary to forsake life in the fresh air and in the warmth of the sunlight. What a paradox if our own cleverness in science should force us to live underground with the [[Mole (animal)|moles]]. ** [[J. William Fulbright]], Address to the Foreign Policy Association, New York City (October 20, 1945), in ''Fulbright of Arkansas: The Public Positions of a Private Thinker'' (1963) * Had I known that the Germans would not succeed in producing an atomic bomb, I would not have lifted a finger. ** [[Albert Einstein]], discussing the letter he sent Roosevelt raising the possibility of atomic weapons, in "Atom: Einstein, the Man Who Started It All", ''Newsweek'' magazine (March 10, 1947) * We have men of science, too few men of God. We have grasped the mystery of the atom and rejected the Sermon on the Mount. The world has achieved brilliance without conscience. Ours is a world of nuclear giants and ethical infants. We know more about war than we know about peace, more about killing than we know about living. If we continue to develop our technology without wisdom or prudence, our servant may prove to be our executioner. ** [[Omar Bradley]], Armistice Day speech (November 11, 1948), in ''Collected Writings'', vol. 1 (1967) * There is a further advantage [to hydrogen bombs]: the supply of uranium in the planet is very limited, and it might be feared that it would be used up before the human race was exterminated, but now that the practically unlimited supply of hydrogen can be utilized, there is considerable reason to hope that homo sapiens may put an end to himself, to the great advantage of such less ferocious animals as may survive. But it is time to return to less cheerful topics. ** [[Bertrand Russell]], ''Human Knowledge: Its Scope and Limits'' (1948), pt. 1, ch. 3 * I know not with what weapons [[World War III]] will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones. ** [[Albert Einstein]], in an interview with Alfred Werner, ''Liberal Judaism'', no. 16 (April–May 1949), Einstein Archive 30-1104, as reported in Alice Calaprice, ''The New Quotable Einstein'' (2005), p. 173 ** Differing versions of such a statement are attributed to conversations as early as 1948 (e.g. ''The Rotarian'', vol. 72, no. 6 (June 1948), [http://books.google.com/books?id=0UMEAAAAMBAJ&pg=PA9 p. 9]: "I don't know. But I can tell you what they'll use in the fourth. They'll use rocks!"). Another variant ("I do not know with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones") is attributed to an unidentified letter to Harry S. Truman in [http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/7406337/ "The culture of Einstein" by Alex Johnson], ''MSNBC'', (18 April 2005). <!-- also http://web.archive.org/web/20050419230458/http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/7406337// publication of letter or location of archive welcom here --> However, prior to 1948 very similar quotes were attributed in various articles to an unnamed army lieutenant, as discussed at ''Quote Investigator'': [http://quoteinvestigator.com/2010/06/16/future-weapons/#more-679 "The Futuristic Weapons of WW3 Are Unknown, But WW4 Will Be Fought With Stones and Spears"]. The earliest found was from “Quote and Unquote: Raising ‘Alarmist’ Cry Brings a Winchell Reply” by [[Walter Winchell]], in the ''Wisconsin State Journal'' (23 September 1946), p. 6, col. 3. In this article Winchell wrote: **: Joe Laitin reports that reporters at Bikini were questioning an army lieutenant about what weapons would be used in the next war.<br>"I dunno," he said, "but in the war after the next war, sure as Hell, they’ll be using spears!" === 1950s === * There is only one question: When will I be blown up? ** [[William Faulkner]], Speech accepting the Nobel Prize for Literature (December 10, 1950), regarding "a general and universal physical fear" in his generation. Quoted by James Baker, "America and the Collapse of the Soviet Empire: What Has to Be Done" (December 12, 1991), in ''Vital Speeches of the Day'', vol. 58, no. 6 (January 1, 1992) [[File:Bert2.png|thumb|... if you duck and cover, like Burt, you will be ''much'' safer.]] * If you are not ready, and did not know what to do, it could ''hurt'' you in different ways. It could knock you down, hard, or throw you against a tree or a wall. It is such a ''big'' explosion, it can ''smash'' in buildings and ''knock'' signboards over, and break windows all over town, but if you duck and cover, like Burt, you will be ''much'' safer. ** ''[[w:Duck and Cover (film)|''Duck and Cover'']]'' (1951 social guidance film), Burt the Turtle * Anyway, I'm sort of glad they’ve got the atomic bomb invented. If there’s ever another war, I’m going to sit right the hell on top of it. I’ll volunteer for it, I swear to God I will. ** [[J. D. Salinger]], ''The Catcher in the Rye'' (1951), p. 183 (spoken by Holden Caulfield) * There is no evil in the atom; only in men’s souls. ** [[Adlai Stevenson II]], "The Atomic Future", Speech at Hartford, Connecticut (September 18, 1952), in ''Speeches of Adlai Stevenson'' (1952) * The worst to be feared and the best to be expected can be simply stated. The worst is atomic war. The best would be this: a life of perpetual fear and tension; a burden of arms draining the wealth and the labor of all peoples; a wasting of strength that defies the American system or the Soviet system or any system to achieve true abundance and happiness for the peoples of this earth. Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies, in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. This world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children. The cost of one modern heavy bomber is this: a modern brick school in more than 30 cities. It is two electric power plants, each serving a town of 60,000 population. It is two fine, fully equipped hospitals. It is some fifty miles of concrete pavement. We pay for a single fighter plane with a half million bushels of wheat. We pay for a single destroyer with new homes that could have housed more than 8,000 people. This is, I repeat, the best way of life to be found on the road the world has been taking. This is not a way of life at all, in any true sense. Under the cloud of threatening war, it is humanity hanging from a cross of iron. ... Is there no other way the world may live? ** [[Dwight D. Eisenhower]], [[w:Chance for Peace speech|"The Chance for Peace"]], Speech before the American Society of Newspaper Editors (April 16, 1953) [[File:Imagination 195403 (cropped).jpg|thumb|Suppose atomic bombs reduced the population of the world to one [[brother]] and one [[sister]], should they let the human race die out? </br> —[[Bertrand Russell]]]] * Suppose atomic bombs had reduced the population of the world to one brother and one sister, should they let the human race die out? I do not know the answer, but I do not think it can be in the affirmative merely on the ground that [[incest]] is wicked. ** [[Bertrand Russell]], ''Human Society in Ethics and Politics'' (1954) * 安らかに眠って下さい 過ちは 繰返しませぬから ** Rest In Peace. The Mistake Shall Not Be Repeated. ** Epitaph inscribed on the cenotaph of the [[w:Hiroshima Peace Memorial Park|Hiroshima Peace Memorial Park]] (April 1, 1954). Quoted in Alan L. Mackay, ''The Harvest of a Quiet Eye'' (1977). In Robert Andrews, ''Famous Lines: A Columbia Dictionary of Familiar Quotations'' (1997), p. 340 [[File:Nuclear artillery test Grable Event - Part of Operation Upshot-Knothole.jpg|thumb|A preventive war, to my mind, is an impossibility today. </br> —[[Dwight D. Eisenhower]]]] * A preventive war, to my mind, is an impossibility today. How could you have one if one of its features would be several cities lying in ruins, several cities where many, many thousands of people would be dead and injured and mangled, the transportation systems destroyed, sanitation implements and systems all gone? That isn't preventive war; that is war. ** [[Dwight D. Eisenhower]], President's News Conference (August 11, 1954), reported in Elsie Gollagher (ed.) ''The Quotable Dwight D. Eisenhower'' (1967), p. 219 * The best authorities are unanimous in saying that a war with H-bombs might possibly put an end to the human race. It is feared that if many H-bombs are used there will be universal death, sudden only for a minority, but for the majority a slow torture of disease and disintegration. ** [[Bertrand Russell]], ''The Russell-Einstein Manifesto'' (1955) * The atom bomb was no "great decision." It was used in the war, and for your information, there were more people killed by [[w:Bombing of Tokyo|fire bombs in Tokyo]] than dropping of the atomic bombs accounted for. It was merely another powerful weapon in the arsenal of righteousness. The dropping of the bombs stopped the war, saved millions of lives. ** [[Harry S. Truman]], in reply to a question at a symposium, Columbia University, NYC (April 28, 1959), in ''Truman Speaks'' (1960), p. 67 === 1960s === * The unacceptability of the Doomsday Machine raises awkward, unpleasant, and complicated questions that must be considered by both policy maker and technician. If it is not acceptable to risk the lives of the three billion inhabitants of the earth in order to protect ourselves from surprise attack, then how many people would we be willing to risk? I believe that both the United States and NATO would reluctantly be willing to envisage the possibility of one or two hundred million people... dying from the immediate effects, even if one does not include deferred long-term effects due to radiation, if an all-out thermonuclear war results from a failure of Type I Deterrence. With somewhat more controversy, similar numbers would apply to Type II Deterrence. (For example, some experts would concede the statement for an all-out Soviet nuclear attack on Europe, but not if the Soviets restricted themselves to the use of conventional weapons.) We are willing to live with the possibility partly because we think of it as a remote possibility. We do not expect either kind of deterrence to fail, and we do not expect the results to be that cataclysmic if deterrence does fail. ** [[Herman Kahn]], [[w:On Thermonuclear War|''On Thermonuclear War'']] (1960) * Some one may pose the question: will [[China]] win her rights over the United States of America, by possessing and dropping the bomb? No, neither China nor the Soviet Union will ever use the bomb unless they are attacked by those who have aggression and war in their very blood. If the Soviet Union did not possess the bomb, the imperialists would speak in other terms with us. We will never attack with the bomb, we are opposed to war, we are ready to destroy the bomb but we keep it for defensive purposes. "It is fear that guards the vineyard," is a saying of our people. The imperialists should be afraid of us and terribly afraid at that. ** [[Enver Hoxha]], [https://www.marxists.org/reference/archive/hoxha/works/nov1960.htm "Reject the Revisionist Theses of the XX Congress of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union and the Anti-Marxist Stand of Krushchev's Group! Uphold Marxism-Leninism!"], Speech Delivered as Head of the Delegation of the Party of Labor of Albania Before the Meeting of 81 Communist and Workers Parties, Moscow (November 16, 1960) * [[Adolf Hitler]] is probably the last of the great adventurer-conquerors in the tradition of [[Alexander the Great]], [[Julius Caesar|Caesar]] and [[Napoleon]], and the Third Reich the last of the empires which set out on the path taken earlier by France, Rome and Macedonia. The curtain was rung on that phase of history, at least, by the sudden invention of the hydrogen bomb, of the ballistic missile and of rockets that can be aimed to hit the moon. In our new age of terrifying, lethal gadgets, which supplanted so swiftly the old one, the first great aggressive war, should it come, will be launched by suicidal little madmen pressing an electronic button. There will be no conquerors and no conquests, but only the charred bones of the dead on an uninhabited planet. ** [[William L. Shirer]], ''The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich'' (1960), p. xii * Suppose Germany had developed two bombs before we had any bombs. And suppose Germany had dropped one bomb, say, on Rochester and the other on Buffalo, and then having run out of bombs she would have lost the war. Can anyone doubt that we would then have defined the dropping of atomic bombs on cities as a war crime, and that we would have sentenced the Germans who were guilty of this crime to death at Nuremberg and hanged them? ... The only conclusion we can draw is that governments acting in a crisis are guided by questions of expediency, and moral considerations are given very little weight, and that America is no different from any other nation in this respect. ** [[Leó Szilárd]], Interview, "President Truman Did Not Understand", ''U.S. News & World Report'' (August 15, 1960) * But this very triumph of scientific annihilation—this very success of invention—has destroyed the possibility of war's being a medium for the practical settlement of international differences. The enormous destruction to both sides of closely matched opponents makes it impossible for even the winner to translate it into anything but his own disaster…. Global war has become a Frankenstein to destroy both sides. No longer is it a weapon of adventure—the shortcut to international power. If you lose, you are annihilated. If you win, you stand only to lose. No longer does it possess even the chance of the winner of a duel. It contains now only the germs of double suicide. ** [[Douglas MacArthur]], Speech to a joint session of the Congress of the Republic of the Philippines (July 5, 1961); in ''Representative Speeches of General of the Army Douglas MacArthur'' (1964), p. 98 (Senate Doc. 88–95) [[File:DavyCrockettBomb.jpg|thumb|The weapons of war must be abolished before they abolish us. </br> —[[John F. Kennedy]]]] * Every inhabitant of this planet must contemplate the day when this planet may no longer be habitable. Every man, woman and child lives under a nuclear sword of Damocles, hanging by the slenderest of threads, capable of being cut at any moment by accident or miscalculation or by madness. The weapons of war must be abolished before they abolish us. ** [[John F. Kennedy]], Address to the United Nations General Assembly (September 25, 1961) * I propose the immediate launching of a nuclear strike on the United States. The Cuban people are prepared to sacrifice themselves for the cause of the destruction of imperialism and the victory of world revolution. ** [[Fidel Castro]], said in 1962 during the [[w:Cuban Missile Crisis|Cuban Missile Crisis]]: as quoted in "Castro Wanted a Nuclear Strike", ''The New York Times'' (October 23, 1992) * The human race may well become extinct before the end of the century. Speaking as a mathematician, I should say the odds are about three to one against survival. ** [[Bertrand Russell]], Interview with ''Playboy'' magazine (March 1963). In Kenneth Rose, ''One Nation Underground: The Fallout Shelter in American Culture'' (2004), p. 39 * But of all environments, that produced by man’s complex technology is perhaps the most unstable and rickety. In its present form, our society is not two centuries old, and a few nuclear bombs will do it in. {{pb}} To be sure, evolution works over long periods of time and two centuries is far from sufficient to breed Homo technikos.... {{pb}} The destruction of our technological society in a fit of nuclear peevishness would become disastrous even if there were many millions of immediate survivors. {{pb}} The environment toward which they were fitted would be gone, and Darwin’s demon would wipe them out remorselessly and without a backward glance. ** [[Isaac Asimov]], ''View from a Height'' (1963), p. 164. Also in ''Asimov on Physics'' (1976), p. 151; ''Isaac Asimov’s Book of Science and Nature Quotations'' (1988), p. 181 * These are the stakes! To make a world in which all of God's children can live, or to go into the dark. We must either love each other, or we must die. ** [[Lyndon B. Johnson]], [[w:Daisy (advertisement)|"Daisy"]] (September 7, 1964) * Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed, but I do say no more than 10 to 20 million killed, tops! Uh, depending on the breaks. ** General 'Buck' Turgidson (George C. Scott) in ''[[Dr. Strangelove]]'' (1964 film), written by Stanley Kubrick, Terry Southern, and Peter George, based on the book [[w:Red Alert (novel)|''Red Alert'']] by [[w:Peter George (author)|Peter George]] * If the President had his way, we’d have a nuclear war every week. ** [[Henry Kissinger]] on Nixon, as quoted in G. J. Bass, ''The Blood telegram: Nixon, Kissinger, and a Forgotten Genocide'' (2014), ch. 19 * The living will envy the dead. ** Attributed to [[Nikita Khrushchev]], speaking of nuclear war. Ed Zuckerman, "Hiding from the Bomb—Again", ''Harper's'' (August 1979), p. 36, attributes "the survivors would envy the dead" to Khrushchev. This issue of ''Harper's'' was stamped in the Library of Congress on July 12, 1979. Senator Frank Church, chairman of the Senate Committee on Foreign Relations, also attributed this same quotation to Khrushchev in hearings held July 11, 1979, and again on July 16, 1979. See ''The Salt II Treaty, hearings before the Committee on Foreign Relations, United States Senate'', 96th Congress, 1st session, part 1, p. 333, and part 2, p. 27 (1979). An Associated Press news release, dated August 4, 1979, summarized these meetings: "In a month of hearings on the SALT II treaty, many senators have... quoted and requoted the late Soviet Premier Nikita Khrushchev, who once said that after a nuclear exchange, 'the living would envy the dead.'" The quotation has been widely used in the press since then, including in ''The Washington Post'' (March 20, 1981), p. A23, the earliest attribution appears to be by John F. Kennedy with Khrushchev's comments in reference to a potential war with Russia or China. Reported as unverified in the speeches or writings of Khrushchev in ''Respectfully Quoted: A Dictionary of Quotations'' (1989) === 1970s === * Let us imagine how many people would die if war breaks out. There are 2.7 billion people in the world, and a third could be lost. If it is a little higher it could be half ... I say that if the worst came to the worst and one-half dies, there will still be one-half left, but imperialism would be razed to the ground and the whole world would become socialist. After a few years there would be 2.7 billion people again. ** [[Mao Zedong]] (d. 1976), in Frank Dikötter, ''Mao's Great Famine: The History of China's Most Devastating Catastrophe, 1958–62'' (Walker & Co., 2010), p. 13 * The double horror of two Japanese city names grew for me into another kind of double horror; an estranging awareness of what the United States was capable of, the country that five years before had given me its citizenship; a nauseating terror at the direction the natural sciences were going. Never far from an apocalyptic vision of the world, I saw the end of the essence of mankind an end brought nearer, or even made, possible, by the profession to which I belonged. In my view, all natural sciences were as one; and if one science could no longer plead innocence, none could. * In 1945, therefore, I proved a sentimental fool; and Mr. Truman could safely have classified me among the whimpering idiots he did not wish admitted to the presidential office. For I felt that no man has the right to decree so much suffering, and that science, in providing and sharpening the knife and in upholding the ram, had incurred a guilt of which it will never get rid. It was at that time that the nexus between science and murder became clear to me. For several years after the somber event, between 1947 and 1952, I tried desperately to find a position in what then appeared to me as a bucolic Switzerland,—but I had no success. ** [[Erwin Chargaff]], ''Heraclitean Fire: Sketches from a Life before Nature'' (1978) === 1980s === * It's now been 35 years since the first atomic bomb fell on Hiroshima. The great majority of the world's people cannot remember a time when the nuclear shadow did not hang over the Earth. Our minds have adjusted to it, as after a time our eyes adjust to the dark. Yet the risk of a nuclear conflagration has not lessened. It has not happened yet, thank God, but that can give us little comfort, for it only has to happen once. The danger is becoming greater. As the arsenals of the superpowers grow in size and sophistication and as other governments, perhaps even in the future dozens of governments, acquire these weapons, it may only be a matter of time before madness, desperation, greed, or miscalculation lets loose this terrible force. In an all-out nuclear war, more destructive power than in all of World War II would be unleashed every second during the long afternoon it would take for all the missiles and bombs to fall. A World War II every second—more people killed in the first few hours than in all the wars of history put together. The survivors, if any, would live in despair amid the poisoned ruins of a civilization that had committed suicide. ** [[Jimmy Carter]], Farewell Address to the Nation (January 14, 1981) * Imagine a room awash in gasoline, and there are two implacable enemies in that room. One of them has nine thousand matches. The other has seven thousand matches. Each of them is concerned about who's ahead, who's stronger. Well that's the kind of situation we are actually in. The amount of weapons that are available to the United States and the Soviet Union are so bloated, so grossly in excess of what's needed to dissuade the other, that if it weren't so tragic, it would be laughable. What is necessary is to reduce the matches and to clean up the gasoline. ** [[Carl Sagan]], during a panel discussion on ABC News Viewpoint following the TV movie ''The Day After'' (November 20, 1983). Misquoted as "The nuclear arms race is like two sworn enemies standing waist deep in gasoline, one with three matches, the other with five." [[File:Opening chess position from black side.jpg|thumb|A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.]] * A strange game. The only winning move is not to play. How about a nice game of [[chess]]? ** ''[[WarGames]]'' (1983 film) * My fellow Americans, I’m pleased to tell you today that I’ve signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. [[w:We begin bombing in five minutes|We begin bombing in five minutes]]. ** [[Ronald Reagan]], off-the-record joke made during the Cold War. On August 11, 1984, while preparing for a scheduled radio address from his vacation home in California, Reagan joked with those present about outlawing and bombing Russia. The joke was not broadcast live, but was recorded and later leaked to the public. * There is no monopoly on common sense </br> On either side of the political fence. </br> We share the same biology, regardless of ideology. </br> Believe me when I say to you, </br> I hope the Russians love their children too. ** [[Sting (musician)|Sting]], [[w:Russians (song)|"Russians"]], '' The Dream of the Blue Turtles'' (1985) * A nuclear war does not defend a country and it does not defend a system. I've put it the same way many times; not even the most accomplished ideologue will be able to tell the difference between the ashes of [[capitalism]] and the ashes of [[communism]]. ** [[John Kenneth Galbraith]], "The Ashes of Capitalism and the Ashes of Communism", interview (undated) with John M. Whiteley in ''Quest for Peace: An Introduction'' (1986) * War is just another game<br>Tailor made for the insane<br>But make a threat of their annihilation<br>And nobody wants to play<br>If that's the only thing that keeps the peace<br>Then thank God for the bomb ** [[w:Bob Daisley|Bob Daisley]], [[Ozzy Osbourne]], [[w:Jake E. Lee|Jake E. Lee]], "Thank God for the Bomb", from the album ''[[w:The Ultimate Sin|The Ultimate Sin]]'' (February 10, 1986) [[File:Typhoon iced.jpg|thumb|Under the four oceans and the seven seas, American and Soviet submarines fight a near-war every day of the year. —[[Richard Halloran]]]] * Under the four oceans and the seven seas, American and Soviet submarines fight a near-war every day of the year. Relentlessly, they search for one another, trailing an adversary when they can and trying to evade one when detected. They make every move of a real war, except shoot. ... Should a shooting war erupt, many experts argue, submarines would be the capital ships of the American and Soviet fleets. The battleship dominated naval operations in World War I, and the aircraft carrier brought victory at sea in World War II, but the nuclear-powered submarine would provide the edge in a future conflict. ** Richard Halloran, [https://www.nytimes.com/1986/12/07/magazine/a-silent-battle-surfaces.html "A Silent Battle Surfaces"], ''The New York Times'' (December 7, 1986) * If none of us [[believe]] in [[war]] <br> Then can you tell me, what the [[weapons]] for? <br> [[Listen]] to me everyone <br> If the button is pushed, there'll be nowhere to [[run]], oh. <br> Giants [[sleeping]], giants [[winning]] <br> Wars within their [[dreams]] <br> Till they [[wake]] when it's too [[late]] <br> And in [[God]]'s [[name]] [[blaspheme]]. ** [[w:Bob Daisley|Bob Daisley]], [[Ozzy Osbourne]], [[w:Jake E. Lee|Jake E. Lee]], "Killer of Giants", from the album ''[[w:The Ultimate Sin|The Ultimate Sin]]'' (February 10, 1986) * What is the only provocation that could bring about the use of nuclear weapons? Nuclear weapons. What is the priority target for nuclear weapons? Nuclear weapons. What is the only established defense against nuclear weapons? Nuclear weapons. How do we prevent the use of nuclear weapons? By threatening the use of nuclear weapons. And we can't get rid of nuclear weapons, because of nuclear weapons. The intransigence, it seems, is a function of the weapons themselves. * The arms race is a race between nuclear weapons and ourselves. ** [[Martin Amis]], ''Einstein's Monsters'' (1987), introduction * We simply don't know whether nuclear weapons have been effective as a deterrent...whether they are effective today or can be expected to be so in the future. Nuclear policy has for years been framed in ignorance of the facts most central to its justification. ** [[Robert L. Holmes]], [https://www.nytimes.com/1988/01/17/opinion/l-what-we-don-t-know-about-nuclear-policy-016788.html ''The New York Times'', "What We Don't Know About Nuclear Policy" (January 17, 1988)], p.26 * It is not nuclear violence alone that is the threat to mankind. It is the willingness to kill our fellow human beings – the innocent as well as the noninnocent- for political ends. Unless we are willing to redirect our time, energy, and resources away from perfecting the means of mass destruction of whatever sort and into exploring nonviolent alternatives to war itself, our efforts to combat the threat of nuclear war are likely to be of no avail. ** [[Robert L. Holmes]], ''On War and Morality'' [https://books.google.com/books?id=TBoABAAAQBAJ&q=Robert+L.+Holms#v=onepage&q=Robert%20L.%20Holms&f=false (1989)] Introduction p. 10 === 1990s === * We had many contingency plans for responding to a nuclear attack. But everything would happen so fast that I wondered how much planning or reason could be applied in such a crisis. The Russians sometimes kept submarines off our East Coast with nuclear missiles that could turn the White House into a pile of radioactive rubble within six or eight minutes. Six minutes to decide how to respond to a blip on a radar scope and decide whether to unleash Armageddon! How could anyone apply reason at a time like that? There were some people in the Pentagon who thought in terms of fighting and winning a nuclear war. To me it was simple common sense: A nuclear war couldn't be won by either side. It must never be fought. ** [[Ronald Reagan]], ''An American Life'' (1990) * The prediction of nuclear winter is drawn not, of course, from any direct experience with the consequences of global nuclear war, but rather from an investigation of the governing physics. (The problem does not lend itself to full experimental verification—at least not more than once.) ** [[Carl Sagan]] and Richard P. Turco, ''A Path Where No Man Thought: Nuclear Winter and the End of the Arms Race'' (1990), p. 26 * [[Galileo]]'s head was on the block </br> The crime was looking up for truth... </br> And then you had to bring up reincarnation... </br> How long 'til my soul gets it right... </br> Can any human being ever reach that kind of light... </br> I call on the resting soul of Galileo </br> King of night vision, king of insight... </br> I'm not making a joke, you know me </br> I take everything so seriously </br> If we wait for the time 'til all souls get it right </br> Then at least I know there'll be no nuclear annihilation </br> In my lifetime, I'm still not right... ** [[Indigo Girls]], "Galileo", lead single of their fourth album ''Genius'' (May 12, 1992) * War. War never changes. ** [[Fallout (video game)|''Fallout'']] (1997 video game), opening narration by [[w:Ron Perlman|Ron Perlman]] === 2000s === * For the love of God, for the love of your children and of the civilization to which you belong, cease this madness. You are mortal men. You are capable of error. You have no right to hold in your hands—there is no one wise enough and strong enough to hold in his hands—destructive power sufficient to put an end to civilized life on a great portion of our planet. ** [[George F. Kennan]], cited in his obituary, "George Kennan dies at 101; devised Cold War policy", ''The Boston Globe'' (March 18, 2005); also in James Carroll, ''House of War'' (Boston & New York: Houghton Mifflin Co., 2006), "Upstream", p. 581, note 140. ISBN 0618187804. === 2010s === * ... right at the Russian border, there are very extreme tensions, that could blow up anytime and lead to what would in fact be a terminal nuclear war, terminal for the species and life on Earth. We’re very close to that... First of all, we should do things to ameliorate it. Secondly, we should ask why. Well, it’s because NATO expanded after the collapse of the Soviet Union, in violation of verbal promises to Mikhail Gorbachev, mostly under Clinton, partly under first Bush, then Clinton expanded right to the Russian border, expanded further under Obama... The fate of... organized human society, even of the survival of the species, depends on this. How much attention is given to these things as compared with, you know, whether Trump lied about something? ** [[Noam Chomsky]], [https://www.democracynow.org/2018/7/27/noam_chomsky_on_mass_media_obsession "Noam Chomsky on Mass Media Obsession with Russia & the Stories Not Being Covered in the Trump Era"], ''Democracy Now'' (July 27, 2018) === 2020s === * Nuclear weapons are like a rifle hanging on the wall in a play. We did not write the play, we are not staging it and we do not know what the author intends. Anyone could take the rifle from the wall at any time. ** [[Mikhail Gorbachev]], ''What Is At Stake Now'' (2020), translated from the Russian by Jessica Spengler * One U.S. Trident submarine, now being replaced by even more lethal ones — one U.S. submarine can destroy almost 200 cities anywhere in the world with its nuclear weapons. China in the South China Sea has four old noisy submarines which can’t even get out because they’re contained by superior U.S. and Allied Force... {{pb}} In the face of this, the United States is sending a fleet of nuclear submarines to Australia. That’s the AUKUS deal—the Australia, U.K., United States—which have no strategic purpose whatsoever. {{pb}} They will not even be in operation for 15 years, but they do incite China almost certainly to build up its lagging military forces, increasing the level of confrontation. There are problems in the South China Sea that can be met with diplomacy and negotiations, the regional powers taking the lead, could go into the details. {{pb}} But the right measure is not increasing provocation, increasing the threat of an accidental development which could lead to devastating, even Earthly-terminal nuclear war. But that is the direction the Biden administration is following, expansion of the Trump programs. That is the core of their foreign policy programs. ** [[Noam Chomsky]], [https://www.democracynow.org/2021/11/23/noam_chomsky_on_bidens_foreign_policy "Is China Really a Threat?"], ''Democracy Now!'' (November 23, 2021) ==See also== * [[Nuclear weapons]] == External links == {{wikipedia}} [[Category:War]] [[Category:Nuclear weapons]] 6lpzimevcziq9l1outkzjcu6ze3rvx1 0 30252 3778665 3722520 2025-07-14T13:40:30Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Comedians]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778665 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Billy Connolly (7175841877).jpg|thumb|Billy Connolly in 2012]] '''[[w:Billy Connolly|Sir William Connolly]]''', [[w:Order of the British Empire|CBE]] (born [[24 November]] [[1942]]) is a [[Scotland|Scottish]] stand-up comedian, musician, presenter, actor, and artist. He is sometimes known, especially in his native Scotland, by the nickname "The Big Yin" ("The Big One", a reference to his 6' height). {{actor-stub}} == An Audience With Billy Connolly - 1985 == * Don't vote, it just encourages them. * I know at least... oh my God, at least 127 words. And I still prefer "Fuck". * Chic Murray once told me he fell in the street, and a woman said to him, "Did you fall?" He said, "No, I'm tryin' to break a bar of chocolate in my back pocket." * Toblerones! It's impossible to eat a fucking Toblerone without hurting yourself! * Look at this way: if we all ate one person, the problem would be halved over-night. Think about it: I could eat someone you don't like, you could eat someone I don't like... where's the fucking damage? * I used to be a folk singer, but I was... dreadful. I had a voice like a goose farting in the fog. * Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex, and men need to have sex to feel loved, so the basic act of continuing the species requires a lie from one of you. * There is no such thing as bad language: it's just our morals that are fucked. * I leave you with a complaint. Now, the country is in a terrible state, and you've blamed it on a number of things: Unemployment rate, the value of the pound and all that... well, it's because the national anthem is boring. * Politically correct is the language of cowardice. * The religion in Scotland is one of the most patronising things... after the weather. * ''(To audience members who were arriving late)'' You haven't missed a thing, I was just killing time 'til you got here. * The working classes, the ones they refer to in those political programmes as "the ordinary people" * You've made a happy man very old. == Billy Connolly at the Royal Albert Hall, 1987 == *That man ([[wikipedia:Ronald_Reagan|Ronald Reagan]], who was President of the USA at the time), he sits at that desk in the White House, and the button is there that can end the world: BOOM! My father's younger than him and we don't give him the controls for the television! == Whoopi Goldberg presents Billy Connolly, 1990 == * I came here on Concorde today... and I arrived before I fucking left! * People die all the time. It's just that you're not around. == Billy Connolly: Live 2002 (2002) == * Aromatherapy bollox! == Billy Connolly: "Too Old To Die Young" Live in New York, 2005 == *Recently, I turned 60... and even more recently, I turned 62. That was a bastard, I don't even remember the 61. *I'm a huge filmstar... but you have to hurry to the movies, because I usually die in the first fifteen fucking minutes. I'm the only guy I know who died in a fucking ''Muppet'' movie. *Life is a waste of time. Time is a waste of life. Get wasted all the time and you'll have the time of your life. *My advice to you, if you want to lose a bit of weight: don't eat anything that comes in a bucket. Buckets are the kitchen utensils of the farmyard. == Billy Connolly Live: Was It Something I Said?, 2007 == * I was always confused with what was near-sight and what was far-sight. Now I'm not confused at all: I've got both, I don't give a fuck which is which. * No children were abused in the making of this show. No one was hurt and no Islamic cartoons were used. You know, for those of you that can't take a fucking joke. * There's nothing better than a fight, especially when you're watching it from a safe place. You can yell encouragement! Hit him with the left, he's a big Jessie! * Apparently the only way to avoid a sudden agonising death, is to walk around in tights with a bottle of vinegar. I'd rather be fucking dead! * "I stood on a stone fish once." "Oh yeah, how was it?" "Worst fucking pain known to man." "Have you known a lot of pain?" "Aye, I fell off my bike once." * Christians shouldn't be allowed near rock and roll. It's not for them! It's not fucking for them! They should all join the Brothers of the Beige or some fucking thing - "The Beige Sisters of Premenstrual Agony." The fucking...! You see them - Christian rock! Is there such a fucking absurdity in the world? ''[makes screeching noises imitating a metal guitar, then speaks quietly]'' "He is my saviour!" That's not rock and roll! That's Youth Club Table Tennis fucking crap! Rock and roll is ''[shrieking]'' "I AM THE DEVIL AND I WANNA FUCK YOUR MOTHER!" * Religion is over, lads, it's fucking over. Take your reformation, your Vatican, your fucking Mecca and fuck off. Suicide fucking bombing, there's a bright idea! Every time there's a bang, the world's a wanker short! Fucking idiots! I want to see the instructor: "Right, lads, I'm only going to show you this once..." Fucking pricks! And it depends on what newspaper you read, how many virgins you get for blowing yourself up. How are you gonna shag them when you're now flying mince?! * 53 fucking virgins! ''[laughs]'' The very thought of 53 fucking virgins, it's a nightmare! It's not a fucking present, it's not a prize - it's a punishment! Give me two fire-breathing whores any day of the week! I'm a slut man! * Your parents choosing your fucking marriage partner - don't be ridiculous! Fucking stupid! "That's her over there, son." "Which one? They're all the fucking same, dad! Black with a wee fucking window!" * ''[stamps his foot, which knocks his drink over]'' Oh fuck, I did this last night as well! * Who the fuck are you? Get out of my house...and take that fucking bulldozer with you. * My wife said "I want to sell the house and buy a yacht". I said "What?! You '''do''' realise I live here? Comedian, Scottish guy. There's 3 kids over there, each have their own rooms. C'mon, I'll show you, they live here too." * ''[to the front of audience]'' What was I talking about? Can you remember, eh? What? ''[to audience at the back]'' Shut the fuck up, I'm talking to someone! ''[to front again]'' Button your cardigan, I can see your cleavage. * You said, "If you're ever in Los Angeles we must have dinner"- well, he's here. That's not an invitation! Translated, it means: "You're a boring piece of shit, I'm off, I've had enough of you!" * ''[Singing]'' "Oh, the big fire engine goes ding-a-ling-a-ling." No, it fucking doesn't. It ''used'' to. * We all know that at 5 in the morning the lanes behind hotels are full of children, especially wee blind ones who can't see fucking trucks coming. * Poos himself on stage, classic Billy * It's pish! == Book Sources == *I hate all those weathermen, too, who tell you that rain is bad weather. There's no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing, so get yourself a sexy raincoat and live a little. ** [http://books.guardian.co.uk/departments/biography/story/0,6000,556340,00.html Billy Connolly] *Scotland has the only football team in the world that does a lap of disgrace. **''Billy Connolly'' by Nigel Huddleston, published [[w:June|June]] [[2004]]. *Don't buy one of those baby intercoms. Babies pretend to be dead. They're bastards, and they do it on purpose. **''Billy Connolly'' by Nigel Huddleston, published [[w:June|June]] [[2004]]. == Other == *''For years I thought the club's name was Partick Thistle Nil. *''I think age is terribly overrated. You're okay as long as you don't grow up. By all means grow old, but don't mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something. *''Life is supposed to be fun. It's not a job or occupation. We're here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh. *'' My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger. *'' Never trust anybody with only one book. *'' The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever being one. *'' The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards. *'' There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter. *'' When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you've found it? == See also == *[[The Boondock Saints]] *[[Brave (2012 film)]] *[[The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies]] *[[Open Season]] ==External links== *{{wikipedia-inline}} *{{commons category-inline}} *{{Official|http://www.billyconnolly.com/}} * [http://books.guardian.co.uk/departments/biography/story/0,6000,556340,00.html ''The Guardian'' interview with Billy Connolly] {{DEFAULTSORT:Connolly, Billy}} [[Category:Comedians from Scotland]] [[Category:1942 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Atheists]] [[Category:People from Glasgow]] 56zjaf1qm4u68k1mavjsfymdrjawaht 0 30606 3778781 3751320 2025-07-14T18:16:06Z A23423413 3125316 /* Quotes about V. S. Naipaul */ add 3778781 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:VS Naipaul 2016 Dhaka.jpg|right|thumb|One isn't [[born]] one's [[self]]. One is born with a mass of [[expectations]], a mass of other people's [[ideas]] — and you have to [[work]] through it [[all]].]] '''[[w:V. S. Naipaul|Vidiadhar Surajprasad Naipaul]]''' ([[17 August]] [[1932]] - [[11 August]] [[2018]]) was a British writer of Indo-Nepalese descent born and raised in Trinidad. He was awarded the [[w:Nobel Prize in Literature|Nobel Prize for Literature]] in 2001. == Quotes == [[File:DSC28372, Cannery Row, Monterey, California, USA (6062142304).jpg|thumb|A [[writer]] is in the [[end]] not his [[books]], but his [[myth]]. And that myth is in the keeping of others.]] [[File:Nehru seen as embodying India, with Gandhi hovering over his right shoulder and Netaji over his left.jpg|thumb|[[Nehru]] was unique in recent [[world]] [[history]]: a colonial protest figure, a [[folk]] [[hero]] who did not appeal to [[fanaticism]] but was a reasonable, [[reasoning]] [[man]].]] [[File:V.S. Naipaul.jpg|thumb|Everything of [[value]] about me is in my [[books]]. Whatever extra there is in me at any given [[moment]] isn't fully formed.]] * '''A [[writer]] is in the [[end]] not his [[books]], but his [[myth]]. And that myth is in the keeping of others.''' ** "Steinbeck in Monterey" (1970), in ''Daily Telegraph Magazine'' (3 April 1970), later published in ''The Overcrowded Barracoon, and other articles'' (1972) * [[India]] has been very lucky in the Nehru family. '''[[Nehru]] was unique in recent world history: a colonial protest figure, a folk hero who did not appeal to fanaticism but was a reasonable, reasoning man. A man committed to science, religious tolerance, the rule of law and the rights of man.''' [[Indira Gandhi]], his daughter, carried on this way of looking at things. In Britain, she might have had the reputation of being domineering, harsh, even ruthless. And you can easily make a case for her being authoritarian, antidemocratic, stamping out protest. But it isn't enough just to do that. One must consider what was on the other side. In 1975, some opposition parties wanted India to go back to some pre-industrial time of village life. Piety can take odd forms. ** [https://www.nytimes.com/1984/11/03/opinion/india-after-indira-gandhi.html "India After Indira Gandhi" in ''The Daily Mail'', and ''The New York Times'' (3 November 1984)] * Everybody is interesting for an hour, but few people can last more than two. ** As quoted in [http://www.time.com/time/printout/0,8816,958134,00.html "Wanderer of Endless Curiosity" by R. Z. Sheppard in ''Time'' magazine (10 July 1989)] * '''One isn't [[born]] one's [[self]]. One is born with a mass of [[expectations]], a mass of other people's [[ideas]] — and you have to [[work]] through it [[all]].''' ** As quoted in [http://www.nytimes.com/books/98/06/07/specials/naipaul-conversation.html?_r=1&oref=slogin "V.S. Naipaul in Search of Himself: A Conversation" with Mel Gussow, ''The New York Times,'' (24 April 1994)] * One always writes [[comedy]] at the moment of deepest hysteria. ** As quoted in "V.S. Naipaul in Search of Himself: A Conversation" with Mel Gussow, ''The New York Times,'' (24 April 1994) * To this day, if you ask me how I became a [[writer]], I cannot give you an answer. To this day, if you ask me how a [[book]] is written, I cannot answer. For long periods, if I didn't know that somehow in the past I had written a book, I would have given up. ** As quoted in "V.S. Naipaul in Search of Himself: A Conversation" with Mel Gussow, ''The New York Times,'' (24 April 1994) * What is happening in India is a mighty creative process.... But every other Indian knows precisely what is happening. Deep down he knows that a larger response is emerging to their historical humiliation. … It is not enough to abuse these youths or use that fashionable word from Europe, 'fascism'… There is a big, historical development going on in India. Wise men should understand it and ensure that it does not remain in the hands of fanatics. ** As quoted in ''International Herald Tribune'' (8 May 1996<!-- initially cited as "8-5-1996" -->); also quoted in ''The Saffron Swastika'' (2001) by K Elst, Ch 1 * '''What matters in the end in [[literature]], what is always there, is the truly [[good]].''' And — though played out forms can throw up [[miraculous]] sports like ''[[Oscar_Wilde#The_Importance_of_Being_Earnest_(1895)|The Importance of Being Earnest]]'' or ''[[The History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire|Decline and Fall]]'' — what is good is always what is new, in both form and content. What is good forgets whatever models it might have had, and is unexpected; we have to catch it on the wing. ** ''Reading and Writing : A Personal Account'' (2000), p. 62 * I have told people who ask for lectures that I have no lecture to give. And that is true. It might seem strange that a man who has dealt in words and emotions and ideas for nearly fifty years shouldn't have a few to spare, so to speak. But everything of value about me is in my books. Whatever extra there is in me at any given moment isn't fully formed. I am hardly aware of it; it awaits the next book. It will — with [[luck]] — come to me during the actual writing, and it will take me by surprise. '''That element of surprise is what I look for when I am writing.''' ** [http://nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/literature/laureates/2001/naipaul-lecture-e.html "Two Worlds," Nobel lecture (7 December 2001)] * It [Islam] has had a calamitous effect on converted peoples. To be converted you have to destroy your past, destroy your history. You have to stamp on it, you have to say 'my ancestral culture does not exist, it doesn't matter'... This abolition of the self demanded by Muslims was worse than the similar colonial abolition of identity. It is much, much worse in fact... You cannot just say you came out of nothing. **As quoted in [https://web.archive.org/web/20170412063202/https://www.theguardian.com/world/2001/oct/04/afghanistan.terrorism9 VS Naipaul launches attack on Islam" in ''The Guardian'' (4 October 2001)] * We knew nothing but despotism. That is why the very rich Mughal empire could break up into nothing. Turn to dust at the merest touch of a foreign power. There was no institution, there was no creative nation, no university, no printing press, there was nothing but personal power. … How do you ignore history? But the nationalist movement, independence movement ignored it. You read the Glimpses of World History by Jawaharlal Nehru, it talks about the mythical past and then it jumps the difficult period of the invasions and conquests. So you have Chinese pilgrims coming to Bihar, Nalanda and places like that. Then somehow they don't tell you what happens, why these places are in ruin. They never tell you why Elephanta island is in ruins or why Bhubaneswar was desecrated. So history has to be studied, it is very painful history. But it is not more painful than most countries have had. … It isn't India alone that has had a rough time, that has to be understood. But the rough time has to be faced and it cannot be glossed over. There are tools for us to understand the rough time. We can read a man like Ibn Battuta who will tell you what it was like to be there in the midst of the fourteenth century, terrible times. An apologist of the invaders would like to gloss that over. But it would be wrong to gloss that over, that has to be understood. … But I would like to see this past recovered and not dodged. ** [https://web.archive.org/web/20070106194746/http://economictimes.indiatimes.com/cms.dll/html/comp/articleshow?artid=34295982 "How do you ignore history?" Interview with Urmi Goswami (14 January 2003)] * If a writer doesn’t generate hostility, he is dead. **As quoted from , [https://indianexpress.com/article/lifestyle/books/vs-naipaul-a-controversial-author-who-crafted-his-lines-and-insults/ "VS Naipaul: A controversial author who crafted his lines and insults", ''Indian Express'' (12 August 2018)] *I have to stress that I was traveling in the non-Arab Muslim world. Islam began as an Arab religion; it spread as an Arab empire. In Iran, Pakistan, Malaysia, Indonesia—the countries of my itinerary—I was traveling, therefore, among people who had been converted to what was an alien faith. I was traveling among people who had to make a double adjustment—an adjustment to the European empires of the nineteenth and twentieth centuries; and an earlier adjustment to the Arab faith. You might almost say that I was among people who had been doubly colonized, doubly removed from themselves. **V. S. Naipaul, New York Review of Books (January 31, 1991) quoted in Why I Am Not a Muslim (1995), Ibn Warraq *It turns out now that the Arabs were the most successful imperialists of all time; since to be conquered by them (and then to be like them) is still, in the minds of the faithful, to be saved. ** quoted in Why I Am Not a Muslim (1995), Ibn Warraq *At the height of the Ram Janmabhoomi movement, V.S. Naipaul saw it as ‘a new, historical awakening’, of ‘Indians becoming alive to their history’ and ‘beginning to understand that there has been a great vandalising of India. Because of the nature of the conquest and the nature of Hindu society such understanding had eluded Indians before’. ** Vikram Sampath - Waiting for Shiva_ Unearthing the Truth of Kashi's Gyan Vapi-BluOne Ink (2024) [https://bharatabharati.in/2016/08/30/v-s-naipaul-interviewed-by-dileep-padgaonkar-rahul-singh-sadanand-menon-media/] === ''[[w:An Area of Darkness|An Area of Darkness]]'' (1964) === * It is like reading of a land periodically devastated by hordes of lemmings or locusts; it is like turning from the history of a coral reef, in which every act and every death is a foundation, to the depressing chronicle of a succession of castles built on the waste sand of the sea-shore. This is Woodruff on the difference between European history and Indian history. He has chosen his images well. But the sandcastle is not quite exact. The sandcastle is flattened by the tide and leaves not trace, and India is above all the land of ruins. === ''[[w:In a Free State|In a Free State]]'' (1971) === * The only lies for which we are truly punished are those we tell ourselves. === ''[[w:India: A Wounded Civilization|India: A Wounded Civilization]]'' (1977) === * India is for me a difficult country. It isn’t my home and cannot be my home; and yet I cannot reject it or be indifferent to it; I cannot travel only for the sights. I am at once too close and too far. * While the Ottomans moved into South-East Europe, the Moghul invasion of India destroyed much of Hindu and Buddhist civilization there. The recent destruction by Moslems in Afghanistan of [[Buddhas of Bamiyan|colossal Buddhist statues]] is a reminder of what happened to temples and shrines, on an enormous scale, when Islam took over. * The key Hindu concept of [[dharma]] — the right way, the sanctioned way, which all men must follow, according to their natures — is an elastic concept. At its noblest it combines self-fulfillment and truth to the self with the ideas of action as duty, action as its own spiritual reward, man as a holy vessel. **[[V. S. Naipaul|Sir Vidiadhar Surajprasad Naipaul]], ''India: A Wounded Civilization'' === ''[[w:Among the Believers|Among the Believers]]'' (1981) === *The time before Islam is a time of blackness: that is part of Muslim theology. History has to serve theology.” === ''[[w:The Enigma of Arrival|The Enigma of Arrival]]'' (1987) === :<small>Vintage, 1988, {{ISBN|0-394-75760-2}}</small> * I also bought a copy of ''The New York Times,'' the previous day's issue of which I had seen the previous day in [[Puerto Rico]]. I was interested in newspapers and knew this paper to be one of the foremost in the world. But to read a newspaper for the first time is like coming into a film that has been on for an hour. Newspapers are like serials. To understand them you have to take knowledge to them; the knowledge that serves best is the knowledge provided by the newspaper itself. It made me feel a stranger, that paper. ** "The Journey", p. 115 * '''Men need history; it helps them to have an idea of who they are.''' But history, like sanctity, can reside in the heart; it is enough that there is something there. ** "The Ceremony of Farewell" === ''[[w:A Turn in the South|A Turn in the South]]'' (1989) === :<small>Vintage, 1990, {{ISBN|0-679-72488-5}}</small> * The family feuds or the village feuds often had to do with an [[idea]] of [[honor]]. Perhaps it was a peasant idea; perhaps this idea of honor is especially important to a [[society]] without recourse to [[law]] or without [[confidence]] in law. ** Ch. 5, p. 162 * [[Religion]] now had to have its compartment, almost its social place. <br /> The frontier had ceased to exist. And the religions it had bred were beginning slowly to die. In the old days, when men, often of little [[education]], had needed only to declare themselves ministers, people would have seen themselves reflected in the expounders of the Word. This quality of homespun would have made the religions appear creations of a community, personal and close and inviolable. Now a certain distance was needed. ** Ch. 6, p. 244 === Our Universal Civilization (1990) === [[File:Reach Toronto.jpg|thumb|The [[universal]] [[civilization]] has been a long time in the making. It wasn't always universal; it wasn't always as attractive as it is today. … So much is contained in it: the idea of the [[individual]], [[responsibility]], [[choice]], the [[life]] of the [[intellect]], the idea of [[vocation]] and [[perfectibility]] and [[achievement]]. It is an immense [[human]] idea. It cannot be reduced to a fixed system. It cannot generate [[fanaticism]]. But it is known to exist, and because of that, other more rigid systems in the end blow away.]] :<small>[https://www.nytimes.com/1990/11/05/opinion/our-universal-civilization.html "Our Universal Civilization". V. S. Naipaul, ''The New York Times'' (5 November 1990)]</small> * '''I never formulated the idea of the [[universal]] [[civilization]] until 11 years ago, when I traveled for many months in a number of non-Arab Muslim countries — [[Iran]], [[Indonesia]], [[Malaysia]] and [[Pakistan]] — to try to understand what had driven them to their rage.''' That Muslim rage was just beginning to be apparent. <br /> I thought I would be traveling among people who would be like the people of my own community, the Trinidad Indian community. A large portion of Indians were Muslims; we both had a similar 19th century imperial or colonial history. But it wasn't like that. <br /> Despite the history we had in common, I had traveled a different way. Starting with the Hindu background of the instinctive, ritualized life; growing up in the unpromising conditions of colonial Trinidad; I had gone through many stages of knowledge and self-knowledge. I had been granted the ideas of inquiry and the tools of scholarship. I could carry four or five or six different cultural ideas in my head. Now, traveling among non-Arab Muslims, I found myself among a colonized people who had been stripped by their faith of all that expanding cultural and historical knowledge of the world that I had been growing into on the other side of the world. <!-- * Again and again, on my Islamic journey in 1979, I found a similar unconscious contradiction in people's attitudes. I remember especially a newspaper editor in Teheran. His paper had been at the heart of the revolution. In the middle of 1979 it was busy, in a state of glory. Seven months later, when I went back to Teheran, it had lost its heart; the once busy main room was empty; all but two of the staff had disappeared. The American Embassy had been seized; a financial crisis had followed; many foreign firms had closed down; advertising had dried up; the newspaper editor could hardly see his way ahead; every issue of the paper lost money; the editor, it might be said, had become as much a hostage as the diplomats. <br /> He also, as I now learned, had two sons of university age. One was studying in the United States; the other had applied for a visa, but then the hostage crisis had occurred. This was news to me — that the United States should have been so important to the sons of one of the spokesmen of the Islamic revolution. I told the editor I was surprised. He said, speaking especially of the son waiting for the visa, "It's his future." <br /> Emotional satisfaction on one hand; thought for the future on the other. The editor was as divided as nearly everyone else. --> * One of [[Joseph Conrad]]'s earliest stories of the East Indies, from the 1890's, was about a local raja or chieftain, a murderous man, a Muslim (though it is never explicitly said), who, in a crisis, having lost his magical counselor, swims out one night to one of the English merchant ships in the harbor to ask the sailors, representatives of the immense power that had come from the other end of the world, for an amulet, a magical charm. The sailors are at a loss; but then someone among them gives the raja a British coin, a sixpence commemorating Queen Victoria's Jubilee; and the raja is well pleased. Conrad didn't treat the story as a joke; he loaded it with philosophical implications for both sides, and I feel now that he saw truly. <br /> In the 100 years since that story, the wealth of the world has grown, power has grown, education has spread; the disturbance, the "philosophical shriek" of men at the margin (to use Conrad's words), has been amplified. * '''The universal civilization has been a long time in the making. It wasn't always universal; it wasn't always as attractive as it is today.''' The expansion of Europe gave it for at least three centuries a racial taint, which still causes pain. <br /> In Trinidad I grew up in the last days of that kind of [[racialism]]. And that, perhaps, has given me a greater appreciation of the immense changes that have taken place since the end of the war, the extraordinary attempt to accommodate the rest of the world, and all the currents of that world's thought. <br /> Because my movement within this civilization has been from Trinidad to England, from the periphery to the center, I may have felt certain of its guiding principles more freshly than people to whom these things were everyday. One such realization — I suppose I have sensed it most of my life, but I have understood it philosophically only during the preparation of this talk — has been the [[beauty]] of the [[idea]] of the pursuit of [[happiness]]. Familiar [[words]], easy to take for granted; easy to misconstrue. <br />''' This idea of the pursuit of happiness is at the [[heart]] of the attractiveness of the civilization to so many outside it or on its periphery.''' I find it marvelous to contemplate to what an extent, after two centuries, and after the terrible history of the earlier part of this century, the idea has come to a kind of fruition. It is an elastic idea; it fits all men. It implies a certain kind of [[society]], a certain kind of [[awakened]] [[spirit]]. I don't imagine my father's Hindu parents would have been able to understand the idea. '''So much is contained in it: the idea of the [[individual]], [[responsibility]], [[choice]], the [[life]] of the [[intellect]], the idea of [[vocation]] and [[perfectibility]] and [[achievement]]. It is an immense [[human]] idea. It cannot be reduced to a fixed system. It cannot generate [[fanaticism]]. But it is known to exist, and because of that, other more rigid systems in the end blow away.''' === ''[[w:Beyond Belief: Islamic Excursions Among the Converted Peoples|Beyond Belief: Islamic Excursions Among the Converted Peoples]]'' (1998) === * Islam is in its origins an Arab religion. Everyone not an Arab who is a Muslim is a convert. Islam is not simply a matter of conscience or private belief. It makes imperial demands. A convert’s worldview alters. His holy places are in Arab lands; his sacred language is Arabic. His idea of history alters. He rejects his own; he becomes, whether he likes it or not, a part of the Arab story. The convert has to turn away from everything that is his. The disturbance for societies is immense, and even after a thousand years can remain unresolved; the turning away has to be done again and again. People develop fantasies about who and what they are; and in the Islam of converted countries there is an element of neurosis and nihilism. These countries can be easily set on the boil. ** Prologue <!-- also quoted in ''Eminent Historians: Their technology, their line, their fraud'' (2014) by [[Shourie, Arun]] --> * <!-- This commented out section seems to be a paraphrase not precisely located within "Beyond Belief" : In India, unlike Iran, there never was a complete Islamic conquest. Although the Muslims ruled much of North India from 1200A.D. to 1700A.D. in the 18th century, the Marathas and the Sikhs destroyed Muslim power, and created their own empires, before the advent of the British....The British introduced the New Learning of Europe, to which the Hindus were more receptive than the Muslims. This caused the beginning of the intellectual distance between the two communities. This distance has grown with independence.... --> The Hindus, especially in Bengal, welcomed the New Learning of Europe and the institutions the British brought. The Muslims, wounded by their loss of power, and out of old religious scruples, stood aside. It was the beginning of the intellectual distance between the two communities. This distance has grown with independence; and it is this—more even than religion now — that at the end of the twentieth century has made India and Pakistan quite distinct countries. India, with an intelligentsia that grows by leaps and bounds, expands in all directions. Pakistan, proclaiming only the faith and then proclaiming the faith again, ever shrinks. <br /> It was Muslim insecurity that led to the call for the creation of Pakistan. It went at the same time with an idea of old glory, of the invaders sweeping down from the northwest and looting the temples of Hindustan and imposing the faith on the infidel. The fantasy still lives; and for the Muslim converts of the subcontinent it is the start of their neurosis, because in this fantasy the convert forgets who or what he is and becomes the violator. * To the convert his land is of no religious or historical importance; its relics are of no account; only the sands of Arabia are sacred. === [[w:Half a Life (book)|''Half a Life'']] (2001) === * '''[[Life]] doesn't have a neat beginning and a tidy end, life is always going on. You should begin in the middle and end in the middle, and it should be all there.''' * I could scarcely bear to look at her eyes. They promised such intimacies. * I thought how terrible it would have been if, as could so easily have happened, I had died without knowing this depth of satisfaction, this other person that I had just discovered within myself. It was worth any price, any consequence. * And whenever I saw Luis, Graça's husband, I dealt with him with a friendship that was quite genuine, since it was offered out of gratitude for Graça's love. * Before comfort had been squeezed out of the hard land, like blood out of stone. == Quotes about V. S. Naipaul == [[File:Salman Rushdie 2018.jpg|thumb|We disagreed all our lives, about [[politics]], about [[literature]], and I feel as [[sad]] as if I just lost a beloved older brother. ~ [[Salman Rushdie]] ]] :<small>'''In alphabetical order by author or source.'''</small> *I quite like Naipaul's absence of sentiment, but if I have a quarrel with Naipaul, it is that I don't like the way that that absence of sentiment is not conveyed or expressed with richness of metaphor or generosity of character-creating. ''King Lear'' is fucking bleak, man, nothing is more bleak, but look how beautiful it is. So while one eschews sentiment because it creates bad art, I think one has got to express bleakness with a generosity of creativity, with music and sensuousness, otherwise it's just a dry, tedious self-denial. **[[David Dabydeen]] ''Talk Yuh Talk: Interviews with Anglophone Caribbean Poets'' by Kwame Dawes (2000) * '''Naipaul is essentially a writer of discovery. He tries on occasion to look into the past through the evidence of the present.''' That’s what he did in writing about the ruins of Vijayanagar in ''India: A Wounded Civilisation''. He is not a professional historian, but his insights and perspectives on Indian history are unique and as startling in their accuracy as the observations of his travel. **[[Farrukh Dhondy]], in [https://www.outlookindia.com/website/story/does-willy-get-it-wilfully-wrong/223746 "Does Willy Get It Wilfully Wrong?", ''Outlook India'' (28 April 2004)] *(TB: Do you read V. S. Naipaul? Do you like Naipaul?) NH: I read his earlier short story collection Miguel Street over and over when I was a kid. I really liked it. I think it still holds up fairly well, but I haven't read his newer work. He is, of course, notorious amongst his fellow Caribbean writers and everyone else for his outrageously racist and sexist statements. I don't like those. But I find him easy to ignore. **2012 interview included in ''Conversations with [[Nalo Hopkinson]]'' edited by Isiah Lavender III *Naipaul seems to have made himself the spokesman for the permanent, and one's tempted to say, the professional, expatriate from the Third World. His characters savour their marginality. I write about New Americans and New Canadians, about belated homesteaders from nontraditional countries. My characters grow and change with the change in citizenships. **1987 interview in ''Conversations with [[Bharati Mukherjee]]'' Edited by Bradley C. Edwards (2009)87 * '''Naipaul’s legacy will never be entirely straightforward – which does not mean he should not be read, enjoyed, debated and critiqued.''' [[Salman Rushdie]]’s brief tribute to Naipaul indicates the complexities: “We disagreed all our lives, about politics, about literature, and I feel as sad as if I just lost a beloved older brother,” he wrote on Twitter. '''In an era that yearns to render life in black and white, the complications of VS Naipaul are a reminder that it is more wisely seen in shades of grey.''' ** [https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2018/aug/12/the-guardian-view-on-vs-naipaul-a-complicated-man-and-a-complicated-legacy "The Guardian view on VS Naipaul: a complicated man and a complicated legacy" in ''The Guardian'' (12 August 2018)] * I think that there are writers who I don’t necessarily agree with in terms of their politics, but whose writings are sort of a baseline for how to think about certain things — VS Naipaul, for example. … His ''[[w:A Bend in the River|A Bend in the River]]'' starts with the line, "'''The world is what it is; men who are nothing, who allow themselves to become nothing, have no place in it.'''" And I always think about that line, and I think about his novels when I’m thinking about the hardness of the world sometimes, particularly in foreign policy, and I resist and fight against sometimes that very cynical, more realistic view of the world. And yet, there are times where it feels as if that may be true. ** [[Barack Obama]], as quoted from [https://indianexpress.com/article/express-sunday-eye/his-portion-of-the-earth-5322944/ "His Portion of the Earth" by Patrick French, ''Indian Express'' (26 August 2018)] * Let us add one more complication success brings: the illusion of predestination. In this regard I cannot help recalling a long conversation with V. S. Naipaul in which he insisted that he could not have failed as an author, and that recognition, even immediate recognition, of his genius was inevitable, simply because he was so good. I could not persuade him to accept that he only believed this because he had in fact been successful and that it must have been possible, given the world’s perversity, for recognition to have eluded him. The conviction of predestination came after the event. ** [[Tim Parks]], in "Stifled by Success", ''The New York Review of Books'' (12 March 2015) *''' ''The World Is What It Is'' was a fitting title for the biography of a writer who struggled all his life between poles.''' On the one hand, there was social and personal [[w:anomie|anomie]], on the other a commitment to [[vocation]]. He had a mutated Hindu view that all the world was illusion and only the self was real, and yet his writing showed him observing and reporting the external world with precision. He was a difficult man to get to know. His meaning for the island of his birth, and for the world after the centuries of empires and colonies, “everything of value”, as he put it in his Nobel lecture, was in his books: "I am the sum of my books." In time, that will be seen as his most appropriate epitaph. ** [https://www.theguardian.com/books/2018/aug/12/vs-naipaul-obituary "VS Naipaul obituary" by Kenneth Ramchand, in ''The Guardian'' (12 August 2018)] ==External links== *{{wikipedia-inline}} *{{Commonscat-inline}} * [http://nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/literature/laureates/2001/naipaul-bio.html Profile at official Nobel Prize website] * [[dmoz:Arts/Literature/World_Literature/Caribbean/Naipaul,_V._S./| Open Directory Project - V.S. Naipaul]] * [https://www.granta.com/extracts/468 "Editing Vidia"], by [[w:Diana Athill|Diana Athill]] * [http://www.hinduonnet.com/fline/fl1822/18220540.htm "A Literary Brown Sahib" in ''Frontlilne'' Vol. 18, Issue 22 (27 October 2001)] * Quotes from Naipaul: [https://bharatabharati.in/2018/08/14/v-s-naipaul-quotes-to-remember-swarajya-staff/][https://www.mynation.com/news/vs-naipaul-dead-paul-theroux-controversial-author-indian-culture-pdcqz6] {{DEFAULTSORT:Naipaul, V.S.}} [[Category:1932 births]] [[Category:2018 deaths]] [[Category:Academics from the United Kingdom]] [[Category:Essayists]] [[Category:Novelists from the United Kingdom]] [[Category:Travel writers]] [[Category:Nobel laureates in Literature]] [[Category:Nobel laureates from the United Kingdom]] [[Category:Booker Prize winners]] [[Category:University of Oxford alumni]] oni4k45h4xoeg2bvk1o1m69jxfqmpoj 0 33365 3778680 3456250 2025-07-14T13:48:39Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Comedians]]; added [[Category:Comedians from the United States]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778680 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Redd Foxx 1977.JPG|thumb|Redd Foxx in 1977]] '''[[w:Redd Foxx|John Elroy Sanford]]''' ([[9 December]] [[1922]] – [[11 October]] [[1991]]), most widely known under his stage name '''Redd Foxx''', was an American comedian famous for his risqué comedic routines, and his starring role on the television sitcom ''[[w:Sanford and Son|Sanford and Son]]''. == Quotes == * If you can see the handwriting on the wall … you're on the toilet. ** "Live from Las Vegas" 8-Track (circa 1970s) * Love. Hygiene. That's the important thing. Hygiene. The toughest thing in the world: [you] have to turn to your mate one night and say: "You gotta wash your ass!" Shit. Knowing how difficult it is, I said it for you : ''You Gotta Wash Your Ass''. ** [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uldt6Y-CE3s Stage performance (1980)], promoting his comedy album, ''You Gotta Wash Your Ass'' (1976). * My first wife, I'll never forget her — and I've tried. ** [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1QoyQwfarn0 Stage performance on YouTube] * We were poor. If I wasn't a boy, I wouldn't have had nothing to play with. ** As quoted in ''More Sex Talk : A New Collection of Ribald, Raunchy, and Provocative Quotations'' (2002) by James Wolfe, p. 114; similar lines were also used in the comedic routines of [[Rodney Dangerfield]]. * Music played a large role in the survival of the black people in America — that and a sense of humor that just couldn't be enslaved. ** ''The Redd Foxx Encyclopedia of Black Humor'' (1977) (co-written with Norma Miller) == Quotes about Foxx == * Foxx was really the king of comedy and timing. He had one of the fastest comedic minds on the planet. ** [[Dick Gregory]], as quoted in "Famed Comedian Redd Foxx is Celebrated in New Book, ''The Life and Times of Redd Fox''", in ''Jet'' Vol. 96, No. 7 (19 July 1999), p. 40 * Redd Foxx had grown-up jokes. … You ain't never heard no Redd Foxx stand-up. Hell, you still watchin' ''[[w:Sanford and Son|Sanford & Son]]'' reruns. ** Omar Tyree, in ''Capital City'' (2008), p. 201 == External links == {{wikipedia}} * [http://www.reddfoxx.com/biography.htm Profile at the Official Site] * [http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0289359/ Profile at IMDb] *[http://www.newsfromme.com/pov/col097-2/ "I Miss Redd Foxx" by Mark Evanier] {{DEFAULTSORT: Foxx, Redd}} [[Category:Actors from the United States]] [[Category:Comedians from the United States]] [[Category:1991 deaths]] [[Category:People from Missouri]] [[Category:People from St. Louis]] [[Category:People from Illinois]] [[Category:People from Chicago]] d9yjotb805jjxrmweoj43db21baxnfi 3778681 3778680 2025-07-14T13:48:50Z UDScott 4304 added [[Category:African Americans]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778681 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Redd Foxx 1977.JPG|thumb|Redd Foxx in 1977]] '''[[w:Redd Foxx|John Elroy Sanford]]''' ([[9 December]] [[1922]] – [[11 October]] [[1991]]), most widely known under his stage name '''Redd Foxx''', was an American comedian famous for his risqué comedic routines, and his starring role on the television sitcom ''[[w:Sanford and Son|Sanford and Son]]''. == Quotes == * If you can see the handwriting on the wall … you're on the toilet. ** "Live from Las Vegas" 8-Track (circa 1970s) * Love. Hygiene. That's the important thing. Hygiene. The toughest thing in the world: [you] have to turn to your mate one night and say: "You gotta wash your ass!" Shit. Knowing how difficult it is, I said it for you : ''You Gotta Wash Your Ass''. ** [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uldt6Y-CE3s Stage performance (1980)], promoting his comedy album, ''You Gotta Wash Your Ass'' (1976). * My first wife, I'll never forget her — and I've tried. ** [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1QoyQwfarn0 Stage performance on YouTube] * We were poor. If I wasn't a boy, I wouldn't have had nothing to play with. ** As quoted in ''More Sex Talk : A New Collection of Ribald, Raunchy, and Provocative Quotations'' (2002) by James Wolfe, p. 114; similar lines were also used in the comedic routines of [[Rodney Dangerfield]]. * Music played a large role in the survival of the black people in America — that and a sense of humor that just couldn't be enslaved. ** ''The Redd Foxx Encyclopedia of Black Humor'' (1977) (co-written with Norma Miller) == Quotes about Foxx == * Foxx was really the king of comedy and timing. He had one of the fastest comedic minds on the planet. ** [[Dick Gregory]], as quoted in "Famed Comedian Redd Foxx is Celebrated in New Book, ''The Life and Times of Redd Fox''", in ''Jet'' Vol. 96, No. 7 (19 July 1999), p. 40 * Redd Foxx had grown-up jokes. … You ain't never heard no Redd Foxx stand-up. Hell, you still watchin' ''[[w:Sanford and Son|Sanford & Son]]'' reruns. ** Omar Tyree, in ''Capital City'' (2008), p. 201 == External links == {{wikipedia}} * [http://www.reddfoxx.com/biography.htm Profile at the Official Site] * [http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0289359/ Profile at IMDb] *[http://www.newsfromme.com/pov/col097-2/ "I Miss Redd Foxx" by Mark Evanier] {{DEFAULTSORT: Foxx, Redd}} [[Category:Actors from the United States]] [[Category:Comedians from the United States]] [[Category:1991 deaths]] [[Category:People from Missouri]] [[Category:People from St. Louis]] [[Category:People from Illinois]] [[Category:People from Chicago]] [[Category:African Americans]] 429s3cqenlv26s5pms61fy5l5gcc54q 0 33552 3778726 2847450 2025-07-14T14:11:08Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Comedians]]; added [[Category:Comedians from the United Kingdom]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778726 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Stanley Unwin (comedian)|Stanley Unwin]]''' ([[7 June]] [[1911]] – [[12 January]] [[2002]]) was a British comedian and comic writer, famous for his idiosyncratic brand of English known as "Unwinese". {{people-stub}} == Sourced == === ''Rotatey Diskers with Unwin'' (1960) === * This is a very good question and topicold. I would say that if the forward line have a symmetrical teamworkers and that they can from the first passit of the ball... take in mind the measured beat of a one, two, throo or fido... so that the ball can falollop out to the wingers and a very fine trittly how in a run and drop-kick and carry one and shooting in the goal if they can get by without an offsiger which is known on the ref and don't throw the bottload because he's only doing his best. But, er, it'll be hard on their halfbackers because I don't think they'll get a chance to do a falolloper shooty on account of the front line with their deep joy of, shall we say, an express in their enthusiasm to the first who to clop falollop in the goalmouth. Oh yes. Anyway it's a very good question, sir. It's not much about music excepting that half-time in the band falolloped huffalo-dowd. ** Asked about Tottenham Hotspur's chances of winning the FA Cup * Goldyloppers trittly-how in the early mordy, and she falolloped down the steps. Oh unfortunade for cracking of the eggers and the sheebs and the buttery full-falollop and graze the knee-clappers. So she had a Vaselubrious, rub it on and a quick healy huff and that was that. ** His version of "Goldilocks and the Three Bears" * With your Elvis Presley and wasp-waist and swivel-hippy, show you had, and I must say it showed it first self in pictures with the rhythmic contrapole of the wobbling of the hipper, sideways with the head and tilty, gave him that expression both also with a little doggy-lublike in the eyebold which he conveyed to the smaller femailode of the specie, coupled with his music because he did trittly-how fine on the strims, helped him along the roamer [....] I heard it first of all on a record in the early mordy: I was doing the shavit-huff with my razor blade, which of course is a safety one, and suddenly, suddenly he did a little syncopole or a drop-it and how, or something he did and caused a jerkit over a pimplode and I've been suffering ever since! ** On Elvis === ''Ogden's Nut Gone Flake'' (Small Faces album, 1968) === * Are you all sitty comftybold two-square on your botty? Then I'll begin. * Now, of cause like all real-life experience storie, this also begins once a polly tito. And Happiness Stan, whose life evolved ni ephemeral colour dreamy most, had his pure existence and this being a deep joy of the multi-colour of the rainbold. Oh yes. His home’s a Victoriana Chari bold, this is a four-wheel folloped ft-ft-ft out the back grove. Now, as eved on his deep approachy, his eye on the moon. All-time sometime deep joy of a full moon scintyladen dangly in the heavenly bode. But now only half! Oh blow your cool man he do this deep thocus, what is the folly of this half diapering of the moony most And as the light d discintyladen changed through timely most, stop it still and he did a deep thocus. What absolutely smash and flaked he was So, gathering all behind in the hintermost, he ploddy-ploddy forward into the deep fundermold of the complicadent forry to sort ni this one out matey Where at mand he thocus where at mand. Oh Dear == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Unwin, Stanley}} [[Category:Actors from the United Kingdom]] [[Category:Comedians from the United Kingdom]] [[Category:1911 births]] [[Category:2002 deaths]] [[Category:People from Pretoria]] jhufl9ll2avh4flbbvw71h9n689pd3s 0 34163 3778943 3763086 2025-07-15T00:31:12Z Apisite 3043558 /* Two Tons of Fun / Docu-Trauma [1.9] */ 3778943 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''[[w:My Gym Partner's a Monkey|My Gym Partner's a Monkey]]''', created by couple Timothy Cahill and [[w:Julie McNally Cahill|Julie McNally Cahill]], is an [[w:United States|American]] [[w:animated television series|animated television series]] that aired on [[w:Cartoon Network|Cartoon Network]] on [[December 26]], [[w:2005|2005]]. Adam Lyon, a 12-year-old school student is transferred to Charles Darwin Middle School, a school for animals, because of an accidental typo error in his last name. There, in P.E. class, he is partnered up with spidermonkey, Jake Spidermonkey, causing them to become best friends. ==Season 1== ===''Innoculation Day / Animal Testing [1.1]''=== :'''Adam''': What happened? :'''Lupe''': You went totally ape and stuff, but Nurse Gazelle got you back to normal. :'''Principal Pixiefrog''': Nice shooting, nurse, in spite of your itty-bitty brain. :'''Nurse Gazelle''': Thanks, but it wasn't the blowdart alone that did the trick. :'''Jake''': Yeah, it was booty killed the beast. What, you don't get it? Booty as in my butt. It's a play on words. ''[faculty and students leave]'' Hey wait! Maybe I didn't sell it. ''[points to his butt with an arrow]'' Booty...killed...the... beast!!! Heh, I guess some people don't appreciate great literature. <hr width=50%/> :'''Mr. Hornbill''': Which reptile has poor eyesight? :'''Ingrid''': Snakes! :'''Mr. Hornbill''': Correct, Ingrid. Here's your treat. :''[Slips puts glasses on]'' :'''Mr. Hornbill''': Which reptile has no ears? :'''Ingrid''': [[Snake]]s! :'''Mr. Hornbill''': Correct again.<br>''[Slips's glasses fall]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Adam''': I don't know about you guys, but I'm thinking I aced that bad boy. :'''Jake''': What?! Didn't I tell you not to the questions right, or you'd end up with… ''[covers his mouth]'' The Spiffies? :'''Lupe''': The Spiffies are the smartest kids in school, fool. :'''Jake''': Eh, a bunch of dorks. :'''Adam''': Jake, just because they're smart, doesn't mean they're… ''[cut to him in Mr. Blowhole's class, sitting with the Spiffies]'' Dorks? ''[The Spiffies laugh and snort]'' Although, I could be wrong about that. :'''Mr. Blowhole''': Please welcome our newest overachiever, Adam Lyon. :'''Adam''': Excuse me, Mr. Blowhole. But I think might being here is a big mistake. :'''Phineas''': You, think? You don't look capable of it. ===''Lyon of Scrimmage / Bad News Bear [1.2]''=== :'''Adam''': ''[to Coach Gills]'' Excuse me ma'am, but these plays aren't so hard to remember. ''[puts away football playbook]'' Rollout Option Pass, the offensive line blocks down to prevent a defender from following the pulling guard and the tight end double teams the OT's man. If the defender changes the cover to block, the Quarterback runs behind his two blockers, sending the play into second option. <hr width=50%/> :'''Kid''': ''[to Adam]'' You forgot your lunch, monkey boy! ''[a banana is thrown at Adam]'' ===''Chew on This / The "A" Word [1.3]''=== :'''Coach Gills''': Lyon! Are you planning on making us lose the district physical fit test?! :'''Adam''': Sorry, Coach Gills. I didn't eat lunch, so I'm feeling kind of lightheaded. :'''Coach Gills''': ''[screams]'' Lightheaded?! The kid's over exerted! ''[takes out a megaphone] CODE BLUE! CODE BLUE!'' :''[Adam later ends up in Nurse Gazelle's office]'' :'''Nurse Gazelle''': So, you're lightheaded, eh? :'''Adam''': Yeah, I forgot my lunch today and- :'''Nurse Gazelle''': ''[screams]'' The kid's got an eating disorder! Code blue! Code blue! :''[He then ends up in Mr. Mandrill's office]'' :'''Mr. Mandrill''': So, Adam, what's this about you refusing to eat the cafeteria food? Let's rap about that. :'''Adam''': I'm just not gonna eat twigs and bugs for lunch. :'''Mr. Mandrill''': ''[screams]'' He's on a hunger strike! Code blue! Code blue! :''[Then, he ends up in Principal Pixiefrog's office]'' :'''Principal Pixiefrog''': I hear you're refusing to eat the cafeteria food, unless we add something that's fit for human consumption. :'''Adam''': I don't wanna cause any trouble. I just wanna be able to eat something at lunch. :'''Principal Pixiefrog''': He's gonna sue! Give him whatever he wants! Code blue! Code blue! ===''Shark Attack / Me Adam, You Jake [1.4]''=== :'''Henry''': Me, um...line. :'''Ms. Chameleon''': Jungle Guy. :'''Henry''': Jungle Guy. You...um...line. :'''Ms. Chameleon''': Next! :'''Henry''': Next! Line. :'''Ms. Chameleon''': Next! :'''Henry''': Next! :'''Ms. Chameleon''': Next!!! :'''Henry''': Next!!! :'''Ms. Chameleon''': Get off the stage, you idiot! <hr width=50%/> :'''Adam''': ''[to Jake]'' The best Jungle Guy can...make a soufflé. :'''Jake''': That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard! ===''The Sheds / Shiny Thing [1.5]''=== :'''Ms. Chameleon''': Slips! Will you stop that incessant scratching and return to your seat?! :'''Slips''': Yes, ma'am. ''[sadly returns to his desk]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Principal Pixiefrog''': ''[about Slips]'' Oh, yuck! That snake's got a cold! Germ alert! ''Germ alert!'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Animal Students''': ''[under the hypnotic powers of Jake]'' Pretty! Pretty! Shiny! Shiny! ===''Amazon Kevin / Grub Drive [1.6]''=== ===''Law and Odor / Yesterday's Funny Monkey [1.7]''=== :'''Jake''': My butt is a classic, a classic has-been. <hr width=50%/> :'''Jake''': ''[showing off his butt routine to the audience]'' What are you looking at? Okey dokey! ===''It's the Scary Old Custodian, Adam Lyon / My Science Project [1.8]''=== :'''James''': ''[his science project is on fire]'' Break out the sauce, I smell barbecue. Oh, that's me. Ouch! <hr width=50%/> :'''Jake''': I'm glad you're here Adam, 'cause you're so-o-o smart. :'''Adam''': I'm not that smart. I think chocolate milk comes from a brown [[cow]]. :'''Jake''': Uh, well, I look forward to the Easter [[bunny]] coming every Christmas. :'''Adam''': Don't look at me, I think professional wrestling is real. :'''Jake''': I can't even spell real. :'''Adam''': It's R-E-A-L. ''[mechanical arm powers up its drill]'' Darn it! :'''Jake''': That's what you get for being such a smarty pants. ===''Two Tons of Fun / Docu-Trauma [1.9]''=== :'''Adam''': What just happened?<br>'''Jake''': The one-ton rhino just got his butt kicked by a[n] eight ounce [[frog]]! Where have you been these past thirty seconds? <hr width=50%/> :'''Zera Corneilious''': ''[while Adam runs away]'' Pants! Pants! Pants! Pants! I lost my Pants!<br>'''Jake''': ''[pulls up his shirt]'' And is that a problem? <hr width=50%/> :'''Principal Pixiefrog''': This is Principal Pixiefrog with another fun-filled announcement: You're all expelled!!! ''[a [[zebra]] faints]'' Just kidding, just a little principal's joke. Ok, now for the real announcment. ===''Supplies Party / She's Koala That [1.10]''=== :'''Chad''': Who's having a birthday party? :'''Adam''': I am. :'''Chad''': Oh, it is going to be like the one you had in first grade? Where you wet your pants and cried. :'''Adam''': No, that's not going to happen again. :'''Chad''': Why? Are you going to wear a stupid diaper? What other stupid stuff are you going to do? Invite your stupid animal friends? I'm sure they'll do something to make you look stupid. :'''Kerry''': ''[to Adam]'' Don't listen to Chad. He's just ''[pauses]'' stupid. ===''Political Animals / Guano in 60 Seconds [1.11]''=== :'''Adam''': Uh, Jake. That's not popcorn. It's asbestos. :'''Jake''': ''[continues to eat asbestos, which is actually bat guano]'' I don't speak Greek, but whatever it is, needs more butter. ===''Bubble or Nothing / Up All Night [1.12]''=== :'''Coach Gills''': I've been in a bubble my whole life. Before it was cool. <hr width=50%/> :'''Jake''': How are you feeling now, sport?<br>'''Adam''': Jake, I'm in a giant bubble!<br>'''Jake''': Wow, don't you just love this place?<br>'''Adam''': No! <hr width=50%/> :''[Adam is brushing his hair back, waiting for Kerry to show up]'' :'''Adam''': Gee, Kerry, you look great in your slamming cammies and face protector. ''[A doorbell is heard and he walks to the front door and opens it, surprised to see that only Jake, Slips, and Windsor are there]'' Huh?! :'''Jake''': Hey, Adam! :'''Adam''': What are you guys doing here? :'''Jake''': What are we doing here? Oh, good one, Adam. Don't you remember six weeks ago when we passed each other in the hall, and we right before you were almost out of earshot, I whispered that we should have a sleepover at your house tonight? :'''Adam''': No. (I don't remember that.) :'''Jake''': Oh. Well, don't worry about it. ''[he, Slips, and Windsor enter the house]'' We're here, and that's what counts. <hr width=50%/> :'''Jake''': Pizza isn't just complete without toppings. ''[adds bugs to Adam's slice of pizza]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Jake''': ''[impersonating Principal Pixiefrog's voice on the phone]'' Hello, this is Principal Pixiefrog, we will just let you know we will be cancelling school next week.<br>'''Principal Pixiefrog''': It was nice of me to cancel school next week. ===''Kerry to Dance? [1.13]''=== :'''Kerry''': Hey Ingrid, nice glitter. :'''Ingrid''': Thanks. It's actually embedded in my corneas. :'''Kerry''': ''[sighs]'' Boys are more trouble than they're worth, aren't they? :'''Lupe''': Uh-huh! You said it, sister! Come on, girlfriends. Let's dance!!! ==Season 2== ===''Le Switcheroo / I Got a New Aptitude [2.1]''=== :'''Jake''': Hey Adam, you know what I want to be? :'''Adam''': Umm, let me guess. A zoo animal. :'''Jake''': ''No way!'' I want to be an underwear model. :'''Adam''': I almost hate to ask, but why? :'''Jake''': 'Cause I've always wanted to see what it's like to wear underwear. :'''Adam''': But you don't even wear pants. :'''Jake''': Look Adam; Every time I see a [[monkey]] on T.V., he's either naked or wearing diapers. It's time for me to step up and blaze a new trail for [[simian]]s everywhere! And that trail happens to involve ''[deepens his voice]'' ''big boy pants!'' ===''Cheer Pressure / Basic Jake [2.2]''=== ===''The Times, They Are Exchangin' / Cool Kids [2.3]''=== :'''Adam''': Uh, Jake? I don't have any music in there. :'''Jake''': Then where'd you get that-- :'''Mauricio''': Exclusive Truffles Duvall pre-release? That's for us to know, and for you to wait seven more weeks until it's released to the mass market. :'''Adam''': Um, hi. I don't believe we've met. ''[sticks out his hand]'' I'm Adam. Okay. And just who are you? ''[Jake slaps him]'' Ow! :'''Jake''': Don't sass them, Adam, they haven't in with Truffles. :'''Mauricio''': Did you just ask who we are? :'''Adam''': Yeah, you heard me. Who are- ''[Jake slaps him again]'' Ow! :'''Jake''': Keep it quiet, Adam, they're the cool kids. <hr width=50%> :'''Adam''': ''[climbing up]'' Forgot my tape recorder. :'''Ice Bergman''': You still use a tape recorder? That is so garage sale. ''[pushes Adam down the mountain]'' :'''Jake''': Excuse you. :'''Adam''': Jake, you need to drop the cool act for one second and listen. I have something you need to hear. ''[plays the tape recorder]'' :'''Ice Bergman''': ''[through recorder] That spidermonkey kid is so low watt. Like he hasn't figured that the only reason we invited him into our gang is because he's good at picking arc ticks.'' :'''Mauricio''': ''[through recorder] Yeah, stupid was so much 2004. [laughter is heard as Jake whimpers sadly over hearing this] Shh, quiet, someone's coming.'' :'''Adam''': ''[through recorder] Forgot my tape recorder. [stops the recorder]'' :'''Jake''': ''[heartbroken]'' This… is… Is that true? Those guys were just using me? :'''Adam''': I'm afraid so. ===''Disregarding Henry / Nice Moustache [2.4]''=== :'''Adam''': Hey, guys. What's going on? ''[notices Jake's bubble gum act]'' What are you doing, Jake? :'''Jake''': Practicing my act for the talent show. :'''Windsor''': Uh, Jake, didn't you get banned from the talent show for what you did last year? :'''Jake''': ''[offended as the bubble gum bubbles pop from his ears]'' Thanks for bursting my bubble by bringing that up, Windsor. :'''Adam''': What happened last year? :'''Lupe''': Let's just say the bubbles came out somewhere else-- somewhere ''horrible.'' <hr width=50%> :'''Henry''': OOOH! ''[singing while taking a shower] ♫ I'm a friendly armadillo / I'm a gentle pussy willow…♫ [notices Jake peeking from behind the curtains when he heard him; screams]'' Jake, what are you doing?! :'''Jake''': That is the best Bari-Falset-Alto-Ano…you sing good! I want to enter you in the school talent show. What's your name, kid? :'''Henry''': Well, it's Henry, Jake. You know that. :'''Jake''': Well, Henrietta, I'm going to make you a star. :'''Henry''': It's Henry. I'm a boy. :'''Jake''': Well, if you say so. ''[closes the curtain]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Henry''': This song is my soul. I hope you like it. ''[inhales]'' OOOH! ''[sings] ♫ I'm a friendly armadillo / I'm a gently pussy willow / Fear's my one peccadillo / I mastered the barbecue grill-o ♫'' ===''Poop Scoop / Leaf of Absence [2.5]''=== :'''Principal Wolverine''': Do I have to bite you on the buttocks?! <hr width=50%/> :'''Jake''': ''[jumping]'' I'm not touching you! I'm not touching you! I'm not touching you! I'm not touch---<br>'''Adam''': Knock it off already!<br>'''Jake''': ing you. <hr width=50%/> :'''Principal Wolverine''': Stop growing right now! [the grass grows higher] Mr. Grass, do I have to bite you on the buttocks? ===''I Fear Pretties / The Magic Fish [2.6]''=== :'''Steve Lobster''': ''[to the waiter]'' I'll take the [[lobster]]. :''[Steve's wife is picked up by the waiter]'' :'''Steve's wife''': Steve, how could you?! ===''Ain't Too Proud to Egg / The Two Jakes [2.7]''=== :'''Mr. Hornbill''': ''(explaining an assignment involving eggs)'' Any questions? ''[a girl Badger happily raises her hand.]'' No, Lacey, you may <i>not</i> eat the eggs. ''[Her hand goes down after turning Her smile into a frown]'' ===''Jake's Day Off / Lupe in Love [2.8]''=== :'''Principal Pixiefrog''': Spidermonkey was just here. I can almost taste it. ''[He licks the ground.]'' YUCK! He's got that Lyon kid with him too. Hey, what the--? Where am I? And how come nobody ever told me? Nobody ever includes me in anything. <hr width=50%> :'''Principal Pixiefrog''': Oh! An important message! I better listen to myself! <hr width=50%> :'''Ingrid''': ''[trying to comfort Lupe]'' Lupe, that vulture wasn't good enough for you. Plus, he stank like old meat. :'''Lupe''': I loved that musky stench! THANKS FOR THROWING SALT IN MY FRESH AND GAPING WOUNDS, INGRID! ''[flies away]'' :'''Ingrid''': Salt's very antibacterial. :'''Orlando Parrot''': Pretty bird! :'''Jake''': Pretty monkey! :'''Adam''': Pretty stupid. :'''Lupe''': I'LL NEVER KNOW LOVE, AGAIN! ''[smashes into the locker and slides down onto the floor]'' :'''Jake''': Whoa, Lupe, you've really hit the wall. :'''Lupe''': Yes. Yes, I have. <hr width=50%> :'''Windsor''': Their love is a sight to behold. :'''Slips''': And it's so quiet since Lupe stopped screaming all the time. :'''Ingrid''': Adam, you're like some kind of matchmaking genius for setting them up. :'''Adam''': Uh…I didn't really set them up. ===''Have Yourself a Joyful Little Animas [2.9]''=== ===''Carny Crazy / Up and Adam [2.10]''=== :'''Phineas''': Looks like that cheesy snow globe is good as mine! ''[Adam jumps onto him and gets into a catfight with him as he caught him cheating]'' What are you doing you silly, stinking, hairless head?! Get off of me! :'''Adam''': You big cheater! Using those special glasses! :'''Phineas''': Are you insane? ===''Making The Grade / One Lump Or Tutor [2.11]''=== ===''Pranks For The Memories / Talking Teddy [2.12]''=== ===''Pants In Space / Uniformity [2.13]''=== :'''James''': I say, good fellow. Would you be so kind as to lift me to my locker latch? :'''Henry''': Not at all, James. <hr width=50%> :'''Adam''': What's the matter, Dickie? :'''Dickie''': ''[sniffs sadly]'' Oh, Adam. I spent all me life young life developing this signature look and me peculiar ways. It's what sets me apart from the rest. Bloke sees me and says, "Look, there goes Dickie Sugarjumper and his peculiar ways! Let's throw things at him!" Now, everyone at school has pinched me image and I'm just part of the crowd. ''[sniffs]'' It's not fair. It's not fair, I tell you! ''[breaks down, sobbing]'' What? What?! :'''Adam''': ''[writing down his notepad]'' Note to self: Never ask Dickie what's the matter. <hr width=50%> :'''Adam''': You're not gonna be an astronaut all because of the stupid pants? :'''Jake''': ''[enraged]'' '''''Stupid?!''''' Ohh, that's just what they want you to think! ==Season 3== ===''Sick Day / Cuddlemuffins [3.1]''=== ===''{{w|The Big Field Trip}} [3.2-3.3]''=== :'''Windsor''': So this is where it all ends? If I had known I was headed for a premature demise, I'd have eaten more butter. :'''Ingrid''': I'd have spent more time apologizing for things I didn't do. :'''Slips''': I'd have eaten more butter. :'''Windsor''': Hey, that was mine. :'''Ingrid''': I'm sorry! <hr width=50%> :'''Adam''': Hey, I thought car rides made you sick. :'''Jake''': Can and did. I used your barf bag when you weren't looking. :'''Adam''': That's not a barf bag! That's my lunch! :'''Jake''': Really? What are you having? ''[looks inside]'' Ew, barf. <hr width=50%> :'''Adam''': Some field trip. Hey, where are we going? Duh, I don't know. Let's drive off a cliff and find out. Animals. :'''Jake''': Oho, so that the way it is, eh? Put man out in the wild and his true nature comes out. Well, let me tell you something! ''[sobs]'' That true nature hurts. ===''The Spiffanos / The Little Mermonkey [3.4]'' === :'''Principal Pixiefrog''': ''[through PA] Attention, students. Today is Crazy Unibrow Day. So put on those brows and get wiggling.'' ===''Diplomatic Insanity / Sidekicked [3.5]''=== ===''Gorilla Of My Dreams / The Prince And The Pooper [3.6]''=== ===''That Darn Platypus [3.7]''=== :'''Phineas''': Alien threat? What alien threat? :'''Marvin''': Yeah, if there was an alien threat, we'd know about before ''you.'' :'''Daniel''': Yes, we haven't noticed anything strange. :'''Marvin''': I catapulted your fortress, Daniel. 3,000 points, officially making me the new master of attack. :'''Spiffies''': All hail attack master Marvin. :'''Windsor''': Um, look, we're under attack in the ''real'' world, so can we borrow your destabilized particle laser ionizer cannon or not? :'''Phineas''': No! ''[gets pelted in the face by a banana peel]'' Who threw that?! Might it be you, attack master Marvin? :'''Marvin''': Oh, gosh. It wasn't me, sir. I'm allergic to fruit. :'''Nestor''': Me too. :'''Daniel''': Me too. :'''Aloysius''': Me too. :'''Phineas''': Well, bananas don't just fall out of the sky, unless… :'''Spiffies''': Aliens! :'''Jake''': Told you. <hr width=50%> :'''Windsor''': Give it up, Rick, or we'll decelerate your particles back to Venus or Mars. :'''Slips''': Or Mercury or Saturn, or any of the planets named on this detergent box. :'''Jake''': Except for the planet that must not be named. :'''Ingrid''': You mean, Jupiter? <hr width=50%> :'''Principal Pixiefrog''': Good shot, Hog! Too bad the lens cap is still on. :'''Mrs. Warthog''': It is? Oh, yeah. I guess it is. ''[flashes a photo of herself and Pixiefrog]'' :'''Principal Pixiefrog and Mrs. Warthog''': WE'RE BLIND! WE'RE BLIND! WE'RE BLIND! WE'RE BLIND! WE'RE BLIND! WE'RE BLIND! WE'RE BLIND! ===''Pride And Pixiefrog / Morning Zoo [3.8]''=== :'''Jake''': Um, Principal Pixiefrog? Don't you think you're taking this a little too far? :'''Principal Pixiefrog''': Raining on parades again, Mr. Lyon? Well, let me- wait a minute. Who said that? :'''Jake''': I did. See, when Adam became the new Mrs. Warthog, I became the new Adam, Windsor became the new me, Lupe became the new Windsor, Slips became the new Lupe… ''[45 Minutes Later…]'' And then Ingrid became the new Mr. Blowhole, and Henry became the new Ingrid. :'''Henry''': ''[walking by on tall stilts]'' I never could've imagined the view from up here. <hr width=50%> :'''Principal Pixiefrog''': This is all your fault, Warthog! :'''Adam''': My fault?! ''You're'' the one who cancelled classes! :'''Principal Pixiefrog''': Well, I never would have done all this if you hadn't opened your big mouth! :'''Adam''': Well, you're the one who got totally out of control! :'''Jake''': He's not the only one, buddy. :'''Adam and Principal Pixiefrog''': ''[in unison]'' Shut up, Adam! :'''Mrs. Warthog''': ''[wakes up]'' Is it over? :'''Principal Pixiefrog''': It is now. ===''Flesh Fur Fantasy / Substitute Sweetheart [3.9]''=== ===''Don't Noc It 'Til You Try It / The Citronella Solution [3.10]''=== :'''Jake''': Run for your lives! I’ve seen “the end,” and it’s horrific! :''[The students, nervously, grab something behind their backs, and got out pitchforks and torches while they start to uproariously yell. The hallway was wrecked down with several lockers facing down, while the students run out of the hallway in fear. You can see the fish tube is shattered in half, causing fish to swim away. It cuts to the school building as the students flee out from the school with pitchforks and torches.]'' ===''Mongoosed / Mellow Fellows [3.11]''=== :'''Slips''': Hey, dudes! This is my new bud, Carl. :'''Adam''': Hey, Carl. :'''Jake''': What's up? :''[Slips and Carl look at each other for a second, and start laughing hysterically, and they walk inside the school]'' :'''Slips''': Dude, did you see Jake and Adam when I was like, "Hey, dudes." Adam's like, "Hey, Carl." :'''Carl''': Yeah, and Jake's all like, "What's up?" :'''Jake''': Looks like Slips has found a new friend. :'''Adam''': Yeah. And he's all like, "weird." <hr width=50%> :'''Carl''': ''[raises up his hand]'' Coach Gills, I got a question. :'''Coach Gills''': Yes, Carl, what is it? :'''Carl''': Dummy says, "what?" :'''Coach Gills''': What? :''[Slips and Carl both laugh hysterically over the joke]'' :'''Carl''': Dummy. :'''Coach Gills''': Anyhow, Mr. Mandrill's going to speak to you about knowing your mortal enemies. Mortal enemies? You mean like, teachers and students? :'''Mr. Mandrill''': Uh, not quite. <hr width=50%> :'''Slips''': Sorry, Adam. That skunk-o-gram was meant for me. Carl, you diabolical scoundrel! <hr width=50%> :''[Adam and Jake tie up both Slips and Carl to chairs as Jake rips the taped piece off of Slips' mouth, causing him to yelp in pain, and does the same to Carl, and they both growl at each other]'' :'''Adam''': Knock it off, you two. Do you guys realize how ridiculous you're acting with this mortal-enemy stuff? :'''Slips''': Well, he's a mongoose. :'''Carl''': And he's a snake. :'''Both''': And this is nature. :'''Adam''': And did that mean anything to you two before Mr. Mandrill pointed it out? No! You were really good friends. Now, I'm gonna undo the ropes, and I want you ''both'' to make up and be friends again. :'''Slips''': I won't do it! :'''Carl''': Me neither. :'''Principal Pixiefrog''': ''[hopping in]'' And that's just fine. :'''Adam''': What? :'''Principal Pixiefrog''': Mr. Lyon, your intentions, as honorable yet entirely contrary to animal nature as they might be, are completely pointless. ''[to Carl]'' Mr. Mongoose, your parents are waiting for you in my office. They're withdrawing you from our little slice of heaven and enrolling you in a private all-mongoose academy. :'''Carl''': Why? :'''Principal Pixiefrog''': The usual reason-- to show off their cash. Release them, Mr. Lyon. <hr width=50%> :'''Adam''': After a whole day of everyone finding their natural enemies, ''[smiles]'' turns out, I don't even have one. ''[James walks up to him and kicks him in the shin]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Slips''': Wait! I didn't come here today to talk about circus elephants or salted peanuts. I came here 'cause ever since my day with Mrs. Warthog ended, I felt a profound lack of purpose in my life. :'''Mr. Mandrill''': Wow. Good self-diagnosis. Very good. Yes, yes, yes. Say, why don't you stick around and learn to be a guidance counselor, like me? ===''Save The Drama For Your Llama / Hornbill And Ted's Bogus Journey [3.12]''=== :'''Mr. Hornbill''': ''[to his reflection in the boys' bathroom]'' Okay, Cyrus. Act casual. It's no big deal. Happens to rhinos all the time. Maybe no one will even notice. <hr width=50%> :'''Ted''': All right, listen up, munchkins. My name's Ted, and your names don't matter, so put your empty heads down and shut your yaps while us grown-ups talk business. ''[points to Donald Deer]'' You! :'''Donald''': ''[confused]'' Huh? :'''Ted''': Yes, you! Quiet down over there before I take those antlers and mount them on the wall! :''[A little later in Principal Pixiefrog's office…]'' :'''Donald''': ''[sobbing]'' It was horrible! He threatened to mount my antlers on a wall! He's so insensitive! :'''Ted''': Let me give you the straight poop, swampy. I'm an oxpecker, see, and this piece of roadkill over here has obviously never seen a personality before. He must be having some sort of allergic reaction. :'''Principal Pixiefrog''': ''[laughs]'' Well, the boy is a bit tedious, isn't he? :''[Donald bawls and runs out of the office]'' :'''Mr. Hornbill''': Wait, Donald! I'm-- We're terribly sorry, P.F. Uh, Ted understands if he has to go now. :'''Principal Pixiefrog''': Nonsense. He's a fresh, new voice here at Charles Darwin Middle School. ===''Lie, Cheetah, Steal / An Inconvenient Goof [3.13]''=== ===''The Frog Principal / Meet The Spidermonkeys [3.14]''=== :'''Principal Pixiefrog''': Kissing. You boys have any idea how dangerous this kissing business can be? Oh, I don't mean just a few welts and bruises. I'm talking about a big change that come from a seemingly innocent smooch with a lady. :'''Adam''': Uh…don't we need permission slips for this conversation to continue? :'''Principal Pixiefrog''': ''[slaps his face in frustration]'' Kissing is bad! You'd better off, if you just avoid it at all costs! <hr width=50%> :'''Henry''': ''[falls to the ground, rolled up]'' Hey, Adam. You can hang out with me. ''[uncurls himself]'' I could you show you my superfluous toenail. No one ever sees that. ''[lifts up his fur, revealing an extra toenail growing on his right leg]'' ===''The Butt of the Jake / Shark Fin Soupy [3.15]''=== :'''Jake''': ''[sticks a tube in his ear and turns on the helium tank, inflating his butt]'' I love my butt. And soon the whole world will love my butt! <hr width=50%> :'''Phineas''': ''[noticing a rope and sign]'' What's this say? ''[reads the sign]'' '''"Stand in circle on floor to get your collectible diecast prisons and lizards figurine."''' ''[steps into the circle; to the viewers]'' Well, I had this situation read all wrong. ''[Bull reels him in]'' Bull, what's the meaning of this?! You got my glasses all wet! How ''cliché.'' :'''Bull''': Yeah?! And I'll get 'em all dry too if you don't shut your blowhole! <hr width=50%> :'''Phineas''': Remember, your breathing must remain steady or the mechanism will fail. You must not, and I cannot foreshadow this enough, breathe too heavily. :'''Bull''': ''[shoves him over]'' Out of the way, foreshadow boy! ==Season 4== ===''The Hyena and the Mighty / Oh Henry [4.1]''=== :'''Mr. Hornbill''': Please begin your report, Mr. Lyon. :'''Adam''': In 1973, a 783-ton oil tanker crashed… ''[interrupted by Rufus' laughter; trying to concentrate]'' …into an iceberg, killing 1.6 million live animals… ''[Rufus continues laughing; furiously snapping]'' YOU THINK THIS IS REALLY FUNNY, HUH, RUFUS?! <hr width=50%> :'''Adam''': ''[enraged about Rufus]'' I have had it with that laughing… ''[wipes his face]'' FREAK! I have never been so humiliated in my… ''[wipes his face again]'' LIFE!! :'''Jake''': More humiliated than the time you came to school in your underwear? :'''Adam''': ''[dumbfounded]'' I thought that was a dream. :'''Jake''': ''[chuckles]'' No, that was real. :''[Flashback to the day where Adam came and walked down the hallway in his underwear; back to present]'' :'''Adam''': That ''was'' more humiliating. Anyway, back to Rufus. Rufus doesn't have any taste in comedy! My grandma has better taste in comedy! And what's up with that laugh?! ''[mocks Rufus' laughter]'' That's not a real laugh! That's a laugh of a phony! A phona-rific phony! ''[A sound of a toilet flushing is heard from the stall and he and Jake turn around to see a fully heartbroken Rufus, hearing everything]'' Hey, Rufus. You're looking pretty flushed. ''[chuckles nervously; Rufus suddenly bursts into tears, bawling his heart out, and runs out of the boys' bathroom]'' Rufus, wait! :''[Rufus approaches the lockers where Windsor is putting up his books, still bawling]'' :'''Windsor''': Come here, my sweet. Shh. ''[hugs and comforts him]'' :'''Adam''': ''[showing up with Jake]'' Rufus! :'''Windsor''': Do you guys realize what you've done? ''[Jake and Adam both shake their heads no]'' Hyenas need to laugh, to survive. <hr width=50%> :'''Adam''': ''[grabs Rufus by the collar; irritated]'' '''LAUGH OR YOU'LL BE ''SORRY!'' <hr width=50%> :'''Principal Pixiefrog''': I thought we closed down the Rube Goldberg wing. That's a lawsuit waiting to happen. <hr width=50%> :'''Adam''': So, Henry, what are you crying about today? :'''Henry''': ''[sadly sniffling; wipes his nose]'' Well, fellas, I'm feeling about as low as a legless snake. :'''Slips''': Whoa! :'''Henry''': ''[seemingly notices nobody's paying attention to him; hops onto the table]'' When I first came to CDMS, I didn't know if I was ever gonna fit in. I felt about as out of place as a blind jackrabbit on a zamboni. :'''Blind Jackrabbit''': ''[driving by on a zamboni]'' I'm quite comfortable, thank you. :'''Henry''': But thanks to you fellas, CDMS almost became my home. That's why it's gonna be so hard to go back to my old school. Ye-e-e-e-s, sir, my time here is up. So, I'm headin' back to my home in Greenland. :'''Adam''': Henry, I didn't know you were an exchange student. :'''Henry''': That's right. But don't be too sad when I leave. <hr width=50%> :'''Henry's Dad''': I'm sure we passed that ice cap before, Helen. :'''Helen''': Texas sure looked different in the brochures. <hr width=50%> :'''Henry''': ''[walking by, carrying his suitcases]'' Well, see y'all later. I'm off like a herd of turtles to Greenland. :'''Adam''': Did you just say "going to Greenland?" :'''Henry''': Yes, ma'am, I did. :'''Adam''': But we've been so nice to you. We even threw you a party. True, it showed how little we actually know about you, but still, we tried. :'''Henry''': That's just it, y'all. I ain't used to this sort of treatment. Y'all being so nice to me, well, it's sort of freaking me out. :'''Adam''': You mean, we've been suppressing our hostility for nothing? :'''Henry''': Well, you see, negative attention's the way to my heart. :'''Adam''': You want negative attention, we'll give you negative attention. GET HIM! ===''My Feral Lyon / A Mid Semester Life's Dream [4.2]''=== ===''The Ivy League / Robo Frog 3000 [4.3]''=== ===''The Notorious Windsor Gorilla / Ingrid Through the Out Door [4.4]''=== ===''Glazed and Confused [4.5]''=== ===''Hygiene Hijinks / Mandrill of the House [4.6]''=== ===''Synch or Swim / Lyon's Anatomy [4.7]''=== ===''Human Behavior / Four Eyed Jake [4.8]''=== ===''Where in the World Are Adam's Parents? / Mountain Dude [4.9]''=== ===''Animal School Musical [4.10-4.11]''=== ===''A Very Special Boy / Knights of the Multiplication Table [4.12]''=== :'''Mrs. Warthog''': Most people think I'm shallow and materialistic, but I always put my friends first. <hr width=50%> :'''Mr. Blowhole''': All right, everyone, who is ready to learn? When we left off yesterday, we had discovered three other ways Gillian could have easily gotten off the island. :''[Jake suddenly bursts in through the classroom door window, tightly hugging a marquee, and Adam barges in and closes the door behind him]'' :'''Alyosius''': Intruder alert! Intruder alert! :'''Adam''': We're goners, Jake! You know he loves that marquee! We gotta get rid of it! :'''Jake''': I will not! We're in love. :'''Principal Pixiefrog''': ''[barges in the classroom]'' STOP!!! :'''Mr. Blowhole''': What's the meaning of this, Pixiefrog? I was promised complete autonomy. :'''Principal Pixiefrog''': Mr. Spidermonkey has my marquee post! :'''Phineas''': That monkey's always being disruptive-- usually with his butt. If only there was something I could do to stop him. If only there was a way. ''[starts daydreaming in a medieval world]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Principal Pixiefrog''': These guys even daydream in nerd. :'''Phineas''': Your Highness, we are the Knights of the Multiplication Table! We've come seeking adventure. :'''Spiffies''': And girls. <hr width=50%> :'''Adam''': ''♫ The knights moved through the murky bog to see the warthog fair / The bog beast who patrols the muck will make things mighty hair…y ♫'' :'''Alyosius''': AAH! You hear that?! A bog beast! :'''Phineas''': There's no such thing as a bog beast. That's just a myth perpetuated by Adam and his stupid lute. Well, believe me, if there was a bog beast, he'd be no match for me. :''[Bull rises from the bog, portrayed as a one-eyed bog beast]'' :'''Alyosius''': BOG SHARKOWSKI! :'''Phineas''': A real myth! The bog beast! <hr width=50%> :'''Alyosius''': Well, the general thinking is that you take the two things there and manipulate them to propel the craft. :'''Marvin''': Yes, yes. I do believe you're right. :'''Adam''': You mean to tell me none of you have ever been in a boat, before? :'''Phineas''': No, too competitive. :'''Daniel''': Too risky. :'''Alyosius''': I have a rowing allergy. :'''Nestor''': Water chafes my rumpus. :'''Marvin''': Y equals MC squared. :'''Adam''': Daniel, you live in the water. Surely, you must know something about boats. :'''Daniel''': Nope, I can't ride in boats because of my allergies, and I get seasick easily, which is why my mother and father can't ever take vacations, because of me. <hr width=50%> :'''Adam''': ''♫ The knights sailed off to flee the bog, way out into the sea / Beware the calls of sirens' songs, or dead we all shall be ♫'' :'''Marvin''': ''[looks through his telescope and sees sirens, sitting on rocks, vocalizing]'' Slap my trapezoid! It's sirens! They're trying to lure us with their songs so we'll crash into the rocks! Turn, jester, turn! :'''Adam''': ''[monotoned]'' Can't…resist. Must…speak…sporadically. :'''Alyosius''': Sweet isosceles! We're doomed! I think I need… my siren repellent! ''[uses his inhaler to blow puff clouds at the sirens, causing them to retreat, diving back into the ocean]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Phineas''': ''[to the viewers]'' Well, a boy can always dream. ===''Wild Thing / Lonely Lyon [4.13]''=== ===''A Whole Zoo World [4.14]''=== ===''A Thanksgiving Carol [4.15]''=== ==Shorts== ===''The Note''=== :'''Mr. Blowhole''': Is there something you'd like to ''share'' with the rest of us, Mr. Lyon? :'''Adam''': ''[hides the note behind his back; smiling nervously]'' Uh, no. :'''Mr. Blowhole''': What about that note behind your back? :'''Adam''': Wha… what note? :'''Mr. Blowhole''': No games, Mr. Lyon, I know it's there. Get up here and read it. :'''Adam''': Yes, sir. ''[glares at Jake for a second, gets up from his desk, and walks to the front of the room]'' :'''Mr. Blowhole''': Go ahead, Mr. Lyon. :'''Adam''': ''[looks at the note, written in gibberish]'' I can't read this. :'''Mr. Blowhole''': ''[impatiently]'' You've wasted enough of my time, Mr. Lyon. Now read. :'''Adam''': Okay. ''[in gibberish]'' Gobbledy, gooberwonka, wonka slageeoobracheen. :''[The class starts laughing at him]'' :'''Mr. Blowhole''': ''[insulted]'' Are you mocking me with a secret language, Mr. Lyon? :'''Adam''': No, sir, I can't read this. :'''Mr. Blowhole''': Well, here's something you ''can'' read. ''[writes and gives Adam a slips for detention]'' :'''Adam''': ''[dismayed]'' Detention? :'''Mr. Blowhole''': Now, back to your seat. :'''Adam''': ''[remorsefully]'' Yes, sir. ===''Cafeteria Duty''=== ===''Bathroom Break''=== ===''I Got Rhythm''=== ===''Clam-mercial''=== ===''Bullroar''=== :'''Jake''': Ooh! Sweet sweater, Bull. Too bad that title's already been claimed. :'''Bull''': What are you talking about? :'''Jake''': Well, according to ''him,'' he's number one. ''[points over to Henry, wearing a #1 Grandson jacket]'' :'''Bull''': Oh, we'll see about this! ''[walks over to Henry]'' Armadillo! There's only room for ''one'' #1 Grandson in this school, and that one is me! :'''Henry''': ''[defensively]'' Nobody says I ain't #1. :'''Bull''': Well, if you're so tough, then prove it! :'''Henry''': All right, you asked for it. ''[starts facing off Bull in a duel]'' I clip my nana's claws every night. :'''Bull''': I floss my nana's jaws every night. :'''Henry''': When my nana lost a bowling ball, I rolled up and let her bowl me. :'''Bull''': I swim at her bingo every Wednesday. :'''Henry''': Well, ''I'' lick up all her ants for her supper. :'''Bull''': Well, I chew all her chums for her! ''[Henry gasps]'' And if it weren't chewed enough, she spits it out, and I chew it again! ''[Henry gets knocked out and falls to the floor on his back]'' Looks like you lose, Armadillo. :'''Henry''': ''[sitting up]'' Not so fast! :'''Bull''': And why's that? :'''Henry''': Because every morning, ''I'' go to my nana's house. Game over. :'''Bull''': Big deal, I go to mine every morning too! :'''Henry''': But when you're there, do you give yours a sponge bath? ===''Photo Phobia''=== ===''Lunchtime Blues''=== ===''All-Nighter''=== ===''Not So Good Will''=== ===''Fresh Brewed''=== :'''Adam''': What's with Mr. Hornbill today? :'''Jake''': He's a bit shaky from giving up his daily cup of hot brewed swamp water. :'''Mr. Hornbill''': No talking in class! :'''Adam''': Sorry, Mr. Horn-- :'''Mr. Hornbill''': No apologizing! Detention! ===''Help Not Wanted''=== ===''Adam's Penguin Poem''=== ==External links== {{wikipedia}} * {{imdb title|0451461|My Gym Partner's a Monkey}} {{Cartoon Network Studios}} [[Category:2000s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:Flash animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:Middle school TV shows]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Television series by Cartoon Network Studios]] [[Category:Cartoon Network original series]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about monkeys]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about apes]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about birds]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about children]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about frogs and toads]] qmprwv8ylt4y1j53f787ymx1nketwh4 0 34725 3779024 3777757 2025-07-15T04:06:12Z 2600:8805:D600:51C0:B9DF:91FB:5A34:CB77 3779024 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Monster Rancher|Mon Far: Monster Farm]]''''', also known as '''''Mon Ran: Monster Rancher''''', '''''Farmon: Farm Monsters''''' or '''''Ranmon: Rancher Monsters''''' or simply '''''Monster Farm''''' (not to be confused with with the [[Saban]] [[Fox Family]] animated series about farm monster animals), '''''Monster Rancher''''', '''''Farm Monsters''''', '''''Rancher Monsters''''', '''''Mon Far''''', '''''Mon Ran''''', '''''Farmon''''' or '''''Ranmon''''', is a Japanese video game series. It was made into an anime series about a boy named "Genki "M." Sakura" who was summoned into the Monster 200X video game to save the Mon World of Pangea from the evil Master Moo. {{tv-stub}} == Various Characters == *"I am Monol. My story is my purpose." - Monol *"Thank you're!" - Shopkeeper (TYPO!!) * "Me? Sad? No way! Sadness is for softies, and I'm one happy dude!" - Genki == Dialogue == *Colt: You won this time, but we'll get revenge! <p> Holly: All right, then. See ya! <p> Colt: Bye. ==External links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:Video games]] fmqsksd15me7aa9l4p0g5ackrp2oo3k 0 35575 3778836 3775986 2025-07-14T20:07:37Z ᘙ 3105225 /* 2020s */ 3778836 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Arun Shourie addressing the Plenary Session on "Diaspora Youth and India - Blueprint for Engagement" at the 2nd Pravasi Bharatiya Divas in 2004.jpg|thumb| I was pleasantly surprised, and named Arun Shourie as the [[Gorbachev]] of India. He had thrown open the windows and let in fresh breeze in a house full of the stinking garbage of stale slogans. ~ Sita Ram Goel]] [[File:Animal artists at the Jardin des Plantes.jpg|thumb|They have made present-day [[India]], and [[Hinduism]] even more so, out to be a [[zoo]] – an agglomeration of assorted, disparate specimens. No such thing as ‘[[India]]’, just a geographical expression, just a construct of the [[British]]; no such thing as Hinduism, just a word used by Arabs to describe the assortment they encountered, just an invention of the [[Communalism|communalists]] to impose a uniformity – that has been their stance.]] [[File:Dalailama1 20121014 4639.jpg|thumb|The example we would do well to keep in front of us is that of the [[Dalai Lama]]. He was giving a discourse on a Tibetan text about meditation. He read out a sentence, laughed and remarked, ‘Buddhist theories of creation, a disgrace! Must throw them out!’ He advises that we should keep a wastepaper basket nearby – whatever doesn’t accord with what we know now, we should cast into that basket. ‘[[Buddhism]] must face facts,’ that is what he teaches. Accordingly, he has opened Buddhist texts to minute examination. (...) That reflects confidence in one’s [[tradition]]. That is true service to the tradition. That is the way to preserve for the [[future]] ‘the pearl of great price’ in it.]] [[File:Censorship in cinema.jpg|thumb|Evasion, concealment, have become a national habit. And they have terrible consequences... Those who proceed by such cynical calculations sow havoc for all of us, for Muslims, for Hindus, for all. Those who remain silent in the face of such cynicism, such calculations help them sow the havoc. Will we shed our evasions and concealments? Will we at last learn to speak and face the whole truth?]] [[File:Parental Advisory label.svg|thumb|Each reference to each of these mosques having been constructed on the sites of temples with, as in the case of the mosque at Benaras, the stones of the very temple which was demolished for that very purpose have been censored out of the English version of the book! Each one of the passages on each one of the seven mosques! No accident that. .... why would anyone have thought it necessary to remove these passages from the English version-that is the version which was more likely to be read by persons other than the faithful? Why would anyone bowdlerise the book of a major scholar in this way?]] [[File:Censorship.svg|thumb|The forfeiture is exactly the sort of thing which has landed us where we are : where intellectual inquiry is shut out ; where our tradition are not examined and reassessed and where as a consequence there is no dialogue.]] [[File:Murales Rivera - Treppenhaus 9 Bücherverbrennung.jpg|thumb|Our response should be three fold. First, whenever an attempt... is made to stifle free speech, to kill even scholarly inquiry, we must go out of our way and immediately obtain the book...<br> Secondly, whenever the intimidators prevail and such a book actually comes to be banned large numbers should take to reprinting it, photocopying it, to circulating it, and discussing its contents.<br> The third thing is more necessary, and in the long run will be the complete answer to the intimidators. As long as scholars like Mr. Swarup are few, intimidators can bully weak governments into shutting them one by one. But what will they do if 1,000, scholars are to do work of the same order? This is the way to deal with intimidators. Let 1,000 scholars carry on work Mr. Swarup has pioneered.]] [[File:Eustache Le Sueur - The Preaching of St Paul at Ephesus - WGA12613.jpg|thumb|The most extensive deletions are ordered in regard to the chapter on ‘Aurangzeb’s policy on religion’. Every allusion to what he actually did to the Hindus, to their temples, to the very leitmotif of his rule – to spread the sway of Islam – are directed to be excised from the book... '''All whitewashed away.'''<br/>'''Objective whitewash for objective history. And today if anyone seeks to restore truth to these textbooks, the shout, ‘Communal rewriting of history’.''']] [[File:Porträtgalerie des steiermärkischen Adels 043.jpg|thumb|Once they had occupied academic bodies, once they had captured universities and thereby determined what will be taught, which books will be prescribed, what questions would be asked, what answers will be acceptable, these historians came to decide what history had actually been! ... Thus, they suppress facts, they concoct others, they suppress what an author has said on one matter even as they insist that what he has said on another be taken as gospel truth. And when anyone attempts to point out what had in fact happened, they rise in chorus: a conspiracy to rewrite history, they shout, a plot to distort history, they scream. '''But they are the ones who have been distorting it in the first place – by suppressing the truth, by planting falsehoods.''']] [[File:Censored stamp.jpg|thumb|I hope the reader will not just read through the examples but will also ask why it is that such material is not placed before our students. After all it is not difficult to come by, and, as the reader will agree after going through it, it has the most direct bearing on our denationalization. Yet, even though he may have considerable interest in our current problems, even though he may have been following closely the public discourse on such problems, in all probability the reader would not have come across the material. Why is this so?]] [[File:Soviet Communism Threatens Education - NARA - 5730072.jpg|thumb|The situation thus is as follows: the ones who have dominated and controlled and terrorised public discourse for half a century in India are now bereft of facts, of arguments. The evidence is available to anyone who has access to their internal ‘dialogues’ – they are talking to narrower and narrower circles; and in these ever-shrinking circles, they are just repeating the old cliches, there is not a new idea, there is not a new fact. And that is predictable, as we have seen: regurgitating those nostrums of the theory is not just necessary, it is sufficient.]] [[File:Shri Arun Shourie, Member of Parliament presented his book titled “Falling Over Backward” to the Vice President, Shri Bhairon Singh Shekhawat, in New Delhi on June 3, 2006.jpg|thumb|The result has been as predictable as it is iniquitous and absurd: if Ram Sharan sets up an engineering college, the state as well as the university concerned can prescribe all sorts of things it must do; if Mohammed Aslam sets up an exact clone of that engineering college across the road, teaching exactly the same subjects, using exactly the same textbooks, neither the state nor the university can regulate its functioning!]] '''[[w:Arun Shourie|Arun Shourie]]''' (born 2 November 1941) is a prominent journalist, author, and politician of India. == Quotes == ===1970s=== ====''Symptoms of Fascism'' (1978) ==== *What we are witnessing today in relation to the criminals of the Emergency is not the rule of law but the destruction of it. We are witnessing how the bourgeois rule of law is destroyed - members of the class itself destroy it for their personal aggrandizement and the bourgeoisie is unable to muster up the firmness needed to bring these blackguards to book. Today two features of our legal system are being laid bare for all to see. First, it cannot catch criminals if they are influential and well connected. Second, it cannot catch them for their principal crimes against the people and the State. *Then we have our seedy Leftists busy abusing each other. And finally we have the liberals - busy rearranging furniture on the deck of theTitanic, nay busy holding seminars about rearranging furniture on the deck of the Titanic. *To rely on these fellows to save us from the impending fascist avalanche is to rely on superannuated buffaloes to see us across a minefield. ===1980s=== ====''Religion in politics'' (1989) ==== * Thus silence retards reform. If large numbers were writing and talking about the communalism of these leaders, for instance, the reformers within these communities would not be as isolated, indeed as beleaguered as they are today. Worst of all not speaking the whole truth becomes a habit. Concealing one’s convictions, glossing over the evidence, deception, become almost an ingredient of public discourse. ===1990s=== *And yet I find in the majority judgement a fatal innocence... The judgement quotes the proclamations from the Rig, Yajur and Atharva Vedas - about all human beings being one, about their being the children of the same Mother-Earth, about the yearnings that all of use be friends. But it does not note that less than a mile from its building volumes upon volumes of [[w:fatwa|fatwas]] are being sold and distributed which exhort Muslims never to trust [[w:Kafir|Kafirs]], never to allow them into their confidence; which tell them that their first duty and allegiance is to their religion and not to sundry laws... It is not [[Gandhiji]] who needs to be convinced that Ishwar and Allah ar one. It is not [[Guru Gobind Singh]] who needs to be convinced that mandir and masjid, Puran and Quran are one. The ones who need to be convinced that they are one - say, the ulema, or the Shahi Iman... - have it as an article of faith that they are not one. **Arun Shourie in: India., & Dasgupta, S. (1995). The Ayodhya reference: The Supreme Court judgement and commentaries. p. 171-3 * "The forfeiture is exactly the sort of thing which has landed us where we are : where intellectual inquiry is shut out ; where our tradition are not examined and reassessed and where as a consequence there is no dialogue." **About the book banning of Ram Swarup's Understanding Islam through Hadis. quoted from Koenraad Elst. Ayodhya and after: issues before Hindu society. 1991. Ch. 12. *They rely on intimidation, It is exactly by tactics of this kind that an earlier book of Mr. Swarup - Understanding Islam Through Hadis - was put out of circulation... November 27, 1990, under the influence of the same intimidation the Delhi Administration declared that, contrary to what it had itself twice decreed, the book was not only objectionable, was deliberately and malicious so!....<br/>Our response should be three fold. First, whenever an attempt such as this from quarters such as Mr. Shahabuddin is made to stifle free speech, to kill even scholarly inquiry, we must go out of our way and immediately obtain the book....<br/>Secondly, whenever the intimidators prevail and such a book actually comes to be banned large numbers should take to reprinting it, photocopying it, to circulating it, and discussing its contents.<br/>The third thing is more necessary, and in the long run will be the complete answer to the intimidators. As long as scholars like Mr. Swarup are few, intimidators can bully weak governments into shutting them one by one. But what will they do if 1,000, scholars are to do work of the same order? This is the way to deal with intimidators. Let 1,000 scholars carry on work Mr. Swarup has pioneered. **Arun Shourie: " How should we respond?", also in: Freedom of expression – Secular Theocracy Versus Liberal Democracy (1998, edited by Sita Ram Goel) * For fifty years this bunch has been suppressing facts and inventing lies. How concerned they are about that objective of the ICHR -- to promote objective and rational research into events of our past. How does this square with the guidelines issued by their West Bengal Government in 1989…"Muslim rule should never attract any criticism. Destruction of temples by Muslim rulers and invaders should not be mentioned"? But their wholesale fabrications of the destruction of Buddhist vihars, about the non-existent "Aryan invasion" -- to question these is to be communal, chauvinist! It is this which has been the major crime of these "historians". But these are not just partisan "historians". They are nepotists of the worst kind... they are ones who have used State patronage to help each other in many, many ways... Not only are these "historians" partisan, not only are they nepotists, they are ones who have used State patronage to help each other in many, many ways… As a result, the books and pamphlets of these fellows are available in all regional languages, but the works of even Lokmanya Tilak are not available except in Marathi! **FABRICATIONS ON THE WAY TO THE FUNERAL Publication: India Connect Author: Arun Shourie Date: June 26, 1998 [http://voiceofdharma.org/indology/eminenthistorians1.html] [https://www.dharmadispatch.in/commentary/de-secularizing-indian-history-why-the-ugc-deserves-our-kudos] * All the facts ... were well known fifty years ago. With the passing of the generation that fought for Independence, with the total abandonment of looking up the record, most of all with the rise of casteist politics, they have been erased from public awareness. And that erasure has led to the predictable result: schizophrenia. To start with, those trading in Ambedkar's name and their apologists have sought to downplay the struggle for Independence: the freedom it brought is not "real", they insist. Exactly as that other group did which teamed up with the British at that crucial hour, 1942 -- the Communists. Indeed,... to justify Ambedkar's conduct his followers insist that British Rule was better... But the facts lurk in the closet. Lest they spill out and tarnish the icon they need for their politics, lest their politics be shown up for what it is -- a trade in the name of the dispossessed -- these followers of Ambedkar enforce their brand of history through verbal terrorism, and actual assault. **Arun Shourie, Worshipping False Gods, 1997, HarperCollins. ====''Indian controversies: Essays on religion in politics '' (1993) ==== :Shourie, A. (2006). Indian controversies: Essays on religion in politics. New Delhi: Rupa & Co. *The most telling illustration has been provided by the silence over the new archaeological findings. .... When the findings of the excavations which had been conducted over a decade ago became public, and these left little doubt about the fact that there had indeed been a temple at the site, archaeology itself was denounced. Papers made themselves available for tarnishing one of the most respected archaeologists in the world - the former Director General of the Archaeological Survey of India who had led those excavations. ... The lesson is plain: should such double-standards continue, Hindu opinion will become even less amenable to the minatory admonitions of our editorialists than it has already become. *Clearly, what our newsmen call 'hard-liners' have been vindicated. * As the State has been successfully bent by Sikh and Muslim communalists over the last decade, double-standards, I would say in some cases duplicity have been the hallmark of the media's treatment of events and issues. *Every single Muslim historian of medieval India lists temples which the rulers he is writing about has destroyed and the mosques he has built instead. (429) ====''Hindu temples: What happened to them (Volume I)'', 1993==== *A case in which the English version of a major book by a renowned Muslim scholar, the fourth Rector of one of the greatest centres of Islamic learning in India, listing some of the mosques, including the Babri Masjid, which were built on the sites and foundations of temples, using their stones and structures, is found to have the tell-tale passages censored out; The book is said to have become difficult to get;... Evasion, concealment, have become a national habit. And they have terrible consequences... <br/> It was a long, discursive book, I learnt, which began with descriptions of the geography, flora and fauna, languages, people and the regions of India. These were written for the Arabic speaking peoples, the book having been written in Arabic. ... A curious fact hit me in the face. Many of the persons who one would have normally expected to be knowledgeable about such publications were suddenly reluctant to recall this book. I was told, in fact, that copies of the book had been removed, for instance from the Aligarh Muslim University Library. Some even suggested that a determined effort had been made three or four years ago to get back each and every copy of this book. ....Such being the eminence of the author, such being the greatness of the work, why is it not the cynosure of the fundamentalists’’ eyes? The answer is in the chapter “Hindustan ki Masjidein”, “The Mosques of Hindustan”. ... Each reference to each of these mosques having been constructed on the sites of temples with, as in the case of the mosque at Benaras, the stones of the very temple which was demolished for that very purpose have been censored out of the English version of the book! Each one of the passages on each one of the seven mosques! No accident that. .... why would anyone have thought it necessary to remove these passages from the English version-that is the version which was more likely to be read by persons other than the faithful? Why would anyone bowdlerise the book of a major scholar in this way?... **About the removal of a book from libraries for political reasons. Arun Shourie: Hideaway Communalism (Indian Express, February 5, 1989) Quoted from Goel, Sita Ram (editor) (1993). Hindu temples: What happened to them. Volume I. *Their real significance- and I dare say that they are but the smallest, most innocuous example that one can think of on the mosque-temple business-lies in the evasion and concealment they have spurred. I have it on good authority that the passages have been known for long, and well known to those who have been stoking the Babri Masjid issue. That is the significant thing; they have known them, and their impulse has been to conceal and bury rather than to ascertain the truth....The fate of Maulana Abdul Hai’s passages-and I do, not know whether the Urdu version itself was not a conveniently sanitised version of the original Arabic volume-illustrates the cynical manner in which those who stoke the passions of religion to further their politics are going about the matter. '''Those who proceed by such cynical calculations sow havoc for all of us, for Muslims, for Hindus, for all. Those who remain silent in the face of such cynicism, such calculations help them sow the havoc. Will we shed our evasions and concealments? Will we at last learn to speak and face the whole truth?''' **About the removal of a book from libraries for political reasons. Arun Shourie: Hideaway Communalism (Indian Express, February 5, 1989) Quoted from Goel, Sita Ram (editor) (1993). Hindu temples: What happened to them. Volume I. ====''A secular agenda'', 1993==== *Upon going through the text the reader will notice how completely contrary to the facts are the cliches which are bandied about in public discourse in India, and which as a consequence so many have by now internalised.... (x) *A moment's reflection will show that India's case is not at par with the ones we have been considering. For those instances are of the most recent times - those nations were "imagined", those traditions were "invented" just a hundred or a hundred and fifty years ago. By contrast India has been seen as one and its people have had a common way of life for thousands of years. It is not just that its history is that old.... It is a continuous history. (9) *Not an enforced amnesia but an unsparing memory - that is what will build a nation. *Every sentence a lie. ... And have you ever heard the BBC refer to Nawaz Sharif as a "fundamentalist," a "fanatic"? But what would it have called Advani if he had made a statement of that kind with "Hindu" substituted for "Muslims"? ====''Missionaries in India'', 1994==== * '''I hope the reader will not just read through the examples but will also ask why it is that such material is not placed before our students. After all it is not difficult to come by, and, as the reader will agree after going through it, it has the most direct bearing on our denationalization. Yet, even though he may have considerable interest in our current problems, even though he may have been following closely the public discourse on such problems, in all probability the reader would not have come across the material. Why is this so? ''' * '''But there is an even more potent cause for the near total erasure of such material from our public discourse and our instruction. And that is the form of “secularism” which we have practised these forty-five years: a “secularism” in which double-standards have been the norm, one in which everything that may remove the dross by which our national identity has been covered has become anathema.''' * The Catholic Bishops Conference of India is the hightest body engaged in attempts to coordinate the work of different Catholic churches in India and to engage in dialogue with other religions. ... To celebrate the 50th anniversary... the CBCI convened a meeting in January 1994.... And it was an important gathering: it was only the second time in fifty years and the first time in twenty five years that such a comprehensive review was being undertaken... The organizers were so kind as to ask me to give the Hindu perception of the work of Christian missionaries in India. *And on the basis of criteria of this kind tribals were hacked off from Hindu society. One has but to read the descriptions of Animism which were relied upon to notice that they could well be describing a variety of Hindus. ;Quotes about the book *The organisers had invited Arun Shourie to give the Hindu assessment of the work of missionaries in India. Arun Shourie addressed the Archbishops, Bishops and others on 5 January 1994. ... The organisers asked Arun Shourie to write a paper based on his talk.... As the controversy snowballed... [they] invited several senior churchmen to discuss Missionaries in India on a public platform with Arun Shourie. **About the book ''Missionaries in India'' ** Shourie, Arun. Arun Shourie and his Christian Critic. (1995) *A dialogue for serving its third purpose could be held only in January 1994 when Arun Shourie, the noted journalist and scholar, was invited by the Catholic Bishops’ Conference of India (CBCI) to present a “Hindu assessment” of missionary work in India. But unfortunately for-the managers of this “dialogue”, it went out of hand and misfired. Ever since, the giant Christian establishment in India has been smarting with the hurt which Arun Shourie has caused. The uproar he has raised can be compared only with the uproar which had followed the publication of K. M. Panikkars’ Asia and Western Dominance in 1953. Missiology has been mobilizing its arsenal of apologetics and polemics in order to control the damage that has been done to Christian claims and pretensions...<br>The CBCI was celebrating the 50th anniversary of its foundation, and holding a Seminar at Ishvani Kendra, a Catholic seminary in Pune. Almost all the Catholic big-wigs in India were present when Arun Shourie gave his talk on 5 January 1994...<br>By the time the paper was fully elaborated, it had acquired the size of a book. Arun Shourie published it in early May 1994 under the title, Missionaries in India: Continuities, Changes, Dilemmas. ... Meanwhile, Arun Shourie had written several articles on the subject in his syndicated column which appears in more than a score of newspapers published in several languages all over the country. The articles evoked a lively discussion in the Maharashtra Herald of Pune. **Sita Ram Goel , History of Hindu Christian Encounters *The Christian missionary orchestra in India after independence has continued to rise from one crescendo to another with the applause of the Nehruvian establishment manned by a brood of self-alienated Hindus spawned by missionary-macaulayite education. The only rift in the lute has been K.M. Panikkar’s Asia and Western Dominance published in 1953, the Report of the Christian Missionary Activities Committee Madhya Pradesh published in 1956, Om Prakash Tyagi’s Bill on Freedom of Religion introduced in the Lok Sabha in 1978, Arun Shourie’s Missionaries in India published in 1994 and the Maharashtra Freedom of Religion Bill introduced in the Maharashtra Legislative Assembly by Mangal Prabhat Lodha, M.L.A. on 20 December 1996. **Sita Ram Goel, Vindicated by Time: The Niyogi Committee Report (1998) ====''The World of Fatwas (Or The Shariah In Action), 1995''==== *In the bookshops in the Muslim areas of our cities—for instance in the bookshops around the Jama Masjid in Delhi— the collections of fatwas fill shelves after shelves. They are put together with great care, the sort of care one associates with sacred literature. The pages are well laid out. The calligraphy is often a work of art. The volumes are beautifully bound— ever so often with gilded embossing on the covers. *'''In a word, fatwas are the shariah in action.''' *For all these reasons one would expect a host of studies on fatwas. But then one would reckon without our intellectuals. It is yet more proof of the fact that our intellectuals have seceded from our country; that there is hardly a study in either English or Urdu on the fatwas. *First, our scholars have not spared time for this vital material for the same reason on account of which they have not spared time for other things vital to our existence as a country. Most of the intellectual work in India consists in writing footnotes to work being done in the West—this has been so in the case of Marxist intellectuals even more than it is in the case of the others. And when our intellectuals are not engaged in writing these footnotes, they are busy following the fashion of the day in Western circles, busy ‘applying’, as the phrase goes, to Indian material the notion or ‘thesis’ which has become fashionable in the West. In a word, our scholarly work is derivative. So the first reason there has been no substantial study of the fatwas in India is that they have not yet caught the eye of the West. *“We should, in particular the Muslim liberal should speak the whole truth about the condition of Muslim society—for instance about the plight of women within it. And not flinch from tracing it back to its roots—the text, the laws, the ways of thinking. We should document the social practice of the Ulema [Muslim religious leaders] and of the fundamentalist politicians.…We should document what the Ulema etc. have been saying and decreeing on religious issues themselves.…We must, in particular the Muslim liberal must, take the consistently secular position on every matter—that is the only way to confront the fundamentalists, it is the surest way to bring home the alternative viewpoint to the community.…Fatwas and the rest which impinge upon the civil rights of a person are manifestly a criminal infringement of law; we should show them up as such; and join others in demanding that anyone who seeks to trample upon the rights of others by using…fatwas should be brought to book under the law. Similarly, we must expose, and work to thwart concessions by our opportunist politicians which are meant to appease, and will in the end strengthen the grip of these reactionary elements.…But it is not going to be enough to counter the Ulema, and their networks, or to show up their syllabi. As we have seen, what they proclaim, and regurgitate, and enforce is what the Koran and Hadith prescribe. Therefore, to really break the vice, liberals, and liberal Muslims in particular must examine and exhume the millenarian claims of Islam: the claims that there is only one truth, that it has been finally revealed to only one man, that it is enshrined in only one Book, that that Book is very difficult to comprehend, that the select few alone know its inner meaning, that therefore it is everyone's duty to heed them just as it is the duty of the select to make sure that everyone heeds them. In a word, the basic texts themselves have to be opened to examination.” (quoted in Bostom, A. G. (2015). Sharia versus freedom: The legacy of Islamic totalitarianism.) * The volumes of fatwas devote pages and pages to an even more exotic subject—namely, what the believer should do with an animal which has been used for intercourse. ‘What is the hukum about the animal with which a man has had sexual intercourse—what is the hukum about the animal and the man?’, asks the querist, and after due deliberation the ulema of this great ‘centre of Islamic learning’ issue a fatwa. The other matters which call forth fatwas are just as earth-shaking. <br> ‘Is a pregnant goat which has been used for intercourse halal or haram? Has one to wait for her to deliver or should she be killed and buried without waiting?’ ‘Zaid has had intercourse with a goat. What is the law in respect of her? Can we eat her flesh or drink her milk? And what is the law for him who has had the intercourse?’ ‘What is the punishment for having intercourse with a minor child or a goat?’ ‘Zaid decided to have intercourse with an animal which is halal such as a cow or a goat. He approached the animal and inserted his male member into its vagina. But there was no ejaculation. Should Zaid or other Muslims regard as halal the meat or milk of that animal? Has Zaid to do penance for this offence?’ ‘Zaid had intercourse with a cow, and then sold it. How should that money be spent? Can it be used for sadqah? And what is the punishment fo Zaid?’ ‘What is the punishment for one who has intercourse with a mare? What should be done with that mare?’ A fatwa on one and each of these matters. <br> And the answers are not always predictable, often they turn on subtle differences. It is enough for the believer who has had intercourse with an animal to do taubah, decree these men of learning, but in the usual case the animal must be killed and burnt. In the usual case, that is, its meat should not be eaten. However, to take one instance, ‘If there is no ejaculation (inside the animal) its meat and milk are halal, without question,’ rule the ulema of Dar al-Ulum, Deoband. ‘But if there is ejaculation, it is better to kill the animal and bury its flesh. No one should eat it, though it is not haram to eat it.’ [...] Finally, while others may be a bit squeamish in discussing such questions, and a little surprised at encountering them in ‘religious’ books, the ulema have no qualms about discussing such matters and laying down the law on them as much as on any other matter. They regard it as one of their functions to do so. The point is set at rest by Maulana Mufti Abdur Rahim Qadri. It transpires that a maulvi, styling himself as Hazrat Shaykh al-Islam Maulana Maulvi, published two pamphlets attacking the Hanafite jurists for holding that intercourse with an animal does not vitiate a fast, even if ejaculation takes place. He cited the great authorities of Hanafite law—Shami and the Durr-ul-Mukhtar—as having decreed this. He also chided the learned ulema for filling religious books with discussions of such topics. The writings of the maulvi were referred to Mufti Abdur Rahim Qadri for opinion. The Mufti’s elucidation takes up ten printed pages of the Fatawa-i-Rahimiyyah. On the substance of the question, the decision turns on whether the ejaculation took place upon intromission into the animal—in which case the fast is rendered void—or it took place by the man merely touching the animal’s genitals with his hands or kissing it, without using his sexual organ—in which case the fast is not vitiated. The Mufti cites authorities to nail the distinction, and he argues that the maulvi who had made the charge against the Hanafite jurists had misrepresented their rulings on the matter. * Next comes the Urdu press. It has been one of the most potent allies of, in some ways the instrument of the ulema, as we saw in reviewing the campaigns against Dr Zakir Hussain and Maulana Azad. We saw the same role and the same potency in the campaigns in 1992 against Mushirul Hasan, pro-vice-chancellor of Jamia Millia in Delhi, and Abid Reza Bedar, director of the Khuda Bakhsh Library in Patna. A shrill tone, wholesale distortions, creating echoes upon echoes of their allegations, fomenting an extreme insecurity and then presenting everything as an assault on Islam—these are its hallmarks. And they invariably end up being deployed to fortify the world view which the ulema want the community to retain. *And then there is the effect of patronage. Funds from Saudi Arabia, or Iran, or Iraq, or other ‘Islamic’ sources go to the ulema, to elements and organizations controlled by or beholden to them. The funds are almost never channelled to liberals. The Indian state is of course worse. As the ulema control the community, it is to the ulema, and to those who speak their language that the state genuflects. As the state has got weaker, the ulema have been able to press their campaigns with greater and greater ease. And in turn they have been able to fortify their hold over the community by demonstrating that it is to them that the state bends—on Shah Bano for instance; that it dare not step in their way: look at the audacity of their current campaign to set up a parallel structure of courts—the shariah courts—outside the legal system of the country. *The liberal who happens to be a Hindu is so apologetic, he has internalized sham secularism so much, he is in any case so innocent of the texts—of Islam, of Hinduism, of our laws and our Constitution—and he has internalized double standards to such an extent that he has made silence on all matters Islamic, indeed toeing the fundamentalists’ line proof of secularism. The ‘secularists’ of the English press are a ready example. They will refer to Ali Mian as ‘the moderate, universally respected Muslim leader’, without bothering to read anything he has written. They will refer to sundry muftis and maulwis as ‘Muslim divines’. They will shut their eyes tight to what organizations like the All India Muslim Personal Law Board or the All India Milli Council are doing; and will jump in to shout and scream should any agency of the state take a step to uncover their activities. Worst of all, they will, by a Pavlovian reflex, weigh in on the same side as the ulema on issues, and insist that anyone who opposes that side is ‘communal’, ‘fascist’, ‘revanchist’. The effect of such shouting is not limited to poisoning the air of discourse. Weak rulers are swayed by that air. And so public policy bends to the ulema. The latter are thus twice strengthened. *When we study the discourses of the Buddha or what Gandhiji has to say on, say, fasting, the content is all about looking within, about self-purification. But even when they deal with purely religious subjects the fatwas are all about the form to which the believer must adhere. They resemble instructions a drill sergeant gives to cadets for a parade. *While our leaders and the Supreme Court keep chanting, ‘All religions are one’; while they keep recalling the Vedic pronouncement, ‘Truth is one, only the sages call it by different names’; while they keep recalling Ashoka’s rock edict, ‘One who reveres one’s own religion and disparages that of another, due to devotion to one’s own religion and to glorify it over all others, does injure one’s own religion certainly’, the ulema proclaim the very opposite set of values, the truly Islamic values to be fair to the ulema. Thus we have Maulana Ahmad Riza Khan descend as an avalanche on persons who countenance processions in which books like the Gita and Quran are carried with equal respect; he declares that for a Muslim to even say, ‘Hindus should live by the Vedas, Muslims should live by the Quran,’ is kufr; a temple is the abode of Satans, he says, a Muslim is forbidden from going into it; to describe the Holy Quran as being like the Veda is kufr; to say that Hindus should live by the Veda is to ask people to follow kufr, and to ask people to follow kufr is kufr... *The fatwas reflect this belief in double standards. The differential attitude to conversion and apostasy illustrates this vividly. Islam regards it as a right and duty to convert persons from other religions. The ulema vehemently insist on it....Exactly the same position holds in regard to doing something or refraining from doing something out of regard for the other person’s religious sentiments.....An even more vivid instance is the stance in regard to the continuation of religious practices. It is the right and duty of a Muslim to carry on his religious rituals. ...Under no circumstances can the Islamic ruler give permission to kafirs to continue their religious rites, declares the Fatawa-i-Rizvia, and asks: shall he permit them to practise their kufr and thereby himself become a kafir?...It adds that there are several Hadis to the effect that no non-Muslim should remain in the Arab island...So, no non-Muslim shall be allowed to stay in the Arab island, but if a Bangladeshi who has entered India illegally is asked to leave, that is an assault on Islam!...Similarly, even today in no Islamic state can teachers in a school impart religious education of their faith to non-Muslim children...No restriction can be tolerated on teaching of the Quran and on religious instruction, declares Kifayatullah. ...And yet if we were to go by secularist discourse there is no religion which has abolished distinctions as Islam has, there is no religion which treats all equally as Islam does! *In the face of all this those who continue to assert, ‘Shariah has safeguarded the rights of women like no other system of law has,’ do so only because of their confidence that no one but them has read the texts of shariah. *And yet we must believe, on pain of being communal, that no system of law has guaranteed as many rights to women as shariah, that no religion is as solicitous of them as Islam. ... The argument can fool no one but the determined apologist. *That is not just the shariah as enforced by the fatwas. As our governments have not acted upon the directive of the Constitution to enact a Uniform Civil Code, that is the law of secular India enforced by our courts! * It is not the occasion but the ulema’s assessment of women per se which is of interest, for it pervades the fatwas through and through. ‘For the Quran says,’ declare the ulema of Deoband settling a matter to which we shall soon turn, ‘the husband is the master.’ .... And among these kafirs there are gradations, Maulana Ahmad Riza Khan declares: one hard kind of basic kufr is Christianity; worse than it is Magianism; worse than that is idolatry; worse than that is Wahabiyat; and worse than all these and more wicked is Deobandiyat... * And so on indefinitely. The effect of all this will be obvious: when you take a problem to them, the ulema can facilitate your way or thwart it by invoking one authority rather than the other. Simultaneously they, joined this time by the apologist, will insist that we, in particular the non-Muslims, must never cease to believe that the shariah is a clear and definite code, that it is a divinely ordained, and therefore an eternal and unchanging code! *Two features would by now be obvious: (1) far from being a clear and definite code, the shariah is ambiguous; (2) it is ambiguous on the entire spectrum of issues. Two operational consequences follow: (1) this ambiguity is one of the bases for the unrivalled power of the ulema; (2) the ulema therefore sabotage every effort to codify the shariah as zealously as they fight back every effort to replace it by a modern code common to all. *That is why Maulana Ahmad Riza Khan is only being true to the Faith when, as we saw at the beginning of the chapter, he says that the glory of Islam consists in having science bend to it, not in its bending to science. What holds for science holds a fortiori for mere historical ‘facts’—of whether there have been a hundred Caliphs or twelve. * The earth is stationary. The sun revolves around it. The stars are stationary, hung as lamps by Allah to guide travellers, and to stone the Devil. To believe anything contrary to all this is to betray The Faith. Men are the masters. Each may keep up to four wives at a time and as many concubines ‘as the right hand holds’. The wives are fields which the husband may or may not ‘irrigate’ as he will. The husband can bind them to obeying his merest whim on pain of being divorced. If he is still not satisfied, he can throw them out with one word. Upon being thrown out they are to be entitled to bare sustenance—but only for three months, and nothing at all beyond that. To see any inequity in this, to demand anything more for the women is to question the wisdom of Allah, it is to strike at Islam. To urinate while standing, to fail to do istinja in the prescribed way, to fail to believe that the saliva of a dog is napaak and his body paak—these are grave sins. To ask for the well-being of a kafir, be he ever so saintly, even upon his death, to fail to believe that a Muslim, be he ever so sinful, is better than a kafir, be the latter ever so virtuous, is kufr itself. Such is the mindset of the ulema. It pervades their rulings on all aspects of life. *Education is central to advancement—of the country, of the individual. But the ulema have fought hard and long against what most today would consider education. For them religious education must take priority over modern, technical education. Only those subjects are to be studied, only that knowledge is to be imparted which strengthens one’s faith— in practical terms, only those subjects are to be studied, only that knowledge pursued which confirms one in the belief that whatever is written in the Quran and Hadis, whatever has been put out by the ulema over the centuries is true and the acme of wisdom as well as perfection. The education of women, in particular their being awakened to new values, their being trained for new professions, their being awakened to their rights—all this is anathema; it is held to be injurious to them, in fact it is declared to be the way to disrupting society and undermining Islam. *Is an institution the Indian history course of which covers only the period from the raids of Mahmud Ghaznavi to 1947, the geography course of which focuses on the Arabian peninsula, an institution of and for India? *Predictably, in Maulana Ahmad Riza Khan’s reckoning the Shias are not Muslims at all. Their ‘mosques’ are not mosques—and remember, as Mir Baqi and his descendants, the mutwallis of the mosque were Shias, the ‘Babri masjid’ was a Shia mosque. *‘Arrey bhai, but why don’t you write on Hindu fatwas?,’—that from a prominent intellectual who carries a haloed name. There is nothing like the fatwa among Hindus—but surely even our intellectuals know that. The point of such admonitions is different. In this view of the matter, a Hindu should stay clear of writing on Islam. Rather, that if he writes about matters Islamic or Muslim, he should only pen Hosannas—’the religion of tolerance, equality...’—he should only write books ‘understanding’, that is explaining away the ‘Muslim mind’. At the least, if he just has to allude to some unfortunate drawback in it, he must attribute it to some special time and place and exculpate Islam from it! Even more important, he must make sure that he ‘balances’ his remark about that point in Islam with denunciation about something in Hinduism, anything—the caste system, dowry deaths, looking upon foreigners as malechh, at least sati if nothing else fits the bill! *So, who is offended? Who is humiliated by the fatwas being reproduced and analysed? It is the secularist. And the reason is manifest. He has no answer in the face of this evidence, in the face of the express and emphatic commands of the Quran and the Prophet, in the face of the repeated and absolutely explicit declarations contained in the fatwas. He has no evidence with which to counter these. But when what they say is brought out on the table, he cannot sustain his inverted ‘secularism’. As long as these things are confined to Urdu they do not inconvenience him in his circle. But the moment they are out in English he is pinned. And so he feigns offence! What is the answer? To go on setting out the facts. To go on analysing them. In the faith that abuse shall not bury evidence. In the faith that ideas are seeds, that they shall take root. *In Bangladesh, with the gallop towards Islamization, the rapid spread of Tablighi Jamaat, the ever-widening reach and influence of fundamentalist organizations like the Hizb-ut-Tahrir and the Hizb-ut-Tauhid, Shariah Committees sprang up in several parts of the country. Fatwas became ever more frequent. They were often issued by the local mullahs in rural areas, and ever so often the victims were women who had in fact been victims of violence, rape and the rest.... * To put the blame on Muslim journalism and leadership is in a sense to beg the question. After all, why do Muslims prize this kind of journalism, why do they follow such leaders? The answer is in the psychology which the ulema and their fatwas have drilled into them. *To even say, ‘What is shariah? Does anyone go by shariah today?’, is kufr, declares the Fatawa-i-Rizvia. Even if the words have been uttered to taunt others, they constitute a grave sin. To say, ‘We do not recognize shariah, we go by custom,’ is kufr, it declares. The ulema issue a fatwa prohibiting Muslims from joining processions of polytheists. A man says, ‘Issuing a fatwa not to join processions of polytheists, etc., is sheer lathbazi.’ The utterance is reported to the ulema. The utterance constitutes denigration of shariah, the Fatawa-i-Rizvia rules, and denigration of shariah is kufr. The man’s wife is free of his nikah. ... To question ijma (consensus) or taqlid (literal adherence) is kufr, they declare. ... Not to believe in Fiqh is kufr, they declare. He who does not accept Fiqh is Satan, they declare. *‘The parents who send their daughters to college are the enemies of their daughters, not their friends,’ the Fatawa-i-Rahimiyyah declares, citing authorities to the effect that the friend is one who prepares one for the Hereafter, though doing so may inflict worldly loss. ‘There is no doubt,’ it declares, ‘that a collegiate girl becomes extremely free, purdahless, immodest and shameless. This is the general consequence of English education and college atmosphere.’ And ‘A girl who loses modesty loses everything,’ it says, citing the Hadis, ‘Modesty and faith—they are inseparable companions; when either of them is taken away, the other too goes away.’ * The condescension, the picture which is drawn of Hindus and other non-believers, their being clubbed with animals and vermin—any text doing this in the case of Muslims would call forth howls of denunciation. From the secularists as much as from Muslims. ====''Worshipping False Gods'' (1997)==== *There is not one instance, not one single, solitary instance in which [[Ambedkar]] participated in any activity connected with the struggle to free the country. Quite the contrary- at every possible turn he opposed the campaigns of the national movement, at every setback to the movement he was among those cheering for failure. *Did India ever stand in need of reformers? Do you read the history of India? Who was [[Ramanuja]]? Who was [[Shankara]]? Who was [[Nanak]]? Who was [[Chaitanya]]? Who was [[Kabir]]? Who was [[Dadu]]? Who were all these great preachers, one following the other, a galaxy of stars of the first magnitude? *In a word, denunciation, condemnation, calumnizing the gods and goddesses, pouring ridicule on our scriptures, sowing hatred in the followers is the course Ambedkar adopted. But it was not the only course available. Earlier one of the greatest of reformers of the last hundred and fifty years had adopted the exact opposite course, and thereby accomplished both— he had lifted the lives of millions, and at the same time he had transformed and raised our society. That reformer was from a caste which was not just untouchable but unapproachable— the reformer of course was Narayan Guru, who lived from 1854 to 1928. *He did not heckle and spit at our tradition as an outsider. He never made truck with the conquerors and subjugators of India. He attained the highest states of spiritual awareness by immersing himself in the teachings of the Upanishads. He attained those states by practising the austerities and following the methods which our great seers had uncovered. As he attained these states, his entire life became a refutation of the claims of the orthodox as to their superiority, his beatific state became a refutation of the assertions of the orthodox that the esoteric lore was closed to the lower castes. And as he had attained those states, he received universal homage. *The legacy of [[Narayan Guru]] is a society elevated, in accord, the lower castes educated and full of dignity and a feeling of self-worth. The legacy of Ambedkar is a bunch screaming at everyone, a bunch always demanding and denouncing, a bunch mired in self-pity and hatred, a society at war with itself. The legacy of Narayan Guru is a country rejuvenated. The legacy of Ambedkar is a country with a deepened sense of shame in its entire past. And thereby further disabled. ====''Freedom of expression – Secular Theocracy Versus Liberal Democracy'' (1998) ==== *"Secularists" are unnerved by the reaction [[L. K. Advani|Advani]]'s rath has evoked among Hindus. But it is not the rath which evoked it. The "victories" in having [[w:Shah Bano|Shah Bano]] reversed, in having [[Rushdie]] banned - "victories" which were loudly applauded by the "secularists"; the success in convincing political parties - which maps and lists - that Muslims would decide their fate in hundreds of constituencies; to say nothing of the "victories" of the violence in Punjab and [[Kashmir]] - the reaction is the cumulative result of these distortions in our polity. ** Fomenting Reaction by Arun Shourie, also in Goel, S.R. (ed.) : Freedom of Expression - Secular Theocracy Versus Liberal Democracy [http://web.archive.org/web/20140826192129/http://www.bharatvani.org/books/foe/ch10.htm] ====''Eminent Historians: Their Technology, Their Line, Their Fraud'' (1998) ==== *In June–July 1998, progressives kicked up quite a racket. The government has packed the Indian Council of Historical Research with pro–Ram Mandir historians, they shouted. It has surreptitiously altered the aims and objectives of the Council, they shouted. As is their wont, they had sparked the commotion by giving wind to a concoction. As is their wont too, they were charging others with planning to do in some undefined future what they had themselves been actually doing for decades – that is, write history to a purpose. *The most extensive deletions are ordered in regard to the chapter on ‘Aurangzeb’s policy on religion’. Every allusion to what he actually did to the Hindus, to their temples, to the very leitmotif of his rule – to spread the sway of Islam – are directed to be excised from the book. He is to be presented as one who had an aversion – an ordinary sort of aversion, almost a secular one – to music and dancing, to the presence of prostitutes in the court, and that it is these things he banished... In a word, no forcible conversions, no massacres, no destruction of temples. Just that Hinduism had created an exploitative, casteist society. Islam was egalitarian. Hence the oppressed Hindus embraced Islam!<br/> Muslim historians of those times are in raptures at the heap of kafirs who have been dispatched to hell. Muslim historians are forever lavishing praise on the ruler for the temples he has destroyed, for the hundreds of thousands he has got to see the light of Islam. Law books like The Hedaya prescribe exactly the options to which these little textbooks alluded. '''All whitewashed away.'''<br/>'''Objective whitewash for objective history. And today if anyone seeks to restore truth to these textbooks, the shout, ‘Communal rewriting of history’.''' *The real crime of these eminences does not lie in the loss they have inflicted in terms of money. It lies in the condition to which they have reduced institutions. It lies in their dereliction – because of which projects that were important for our country have languished. It lies even more in the use to which they have put those institutions.<br/>They have used them to have a comfortable time, of course. They have used them to puff up each other’s reputations, of course. But the worst of it is that they have used their control of these institutions to pervert public discourse, and thereby derail public policy.<br/> They have made India out to have been an empty land, filled by successive invaders. '''They have made present-day India, and Hinduism even more so, out to be a zoo – an agglomeration of assorted, disparate specimens. No such thing as ‘India’, just a geographical expression, just a construct of the British; no such thing as Hinduism, just a word used by Arabs to describe the assortment they encountered, just an invention of the communalists to impose a uniformity – that has been their stance. For this they have blackened the Hindu period of our history, and, as we shall see, strained to whitewash the Islamic period.''' They have denounced ancient India’s social system as the epitomy of oppression, and made totalitarian ideologies out to be egalitarian and just.<br/>They have belittled our ancient culture and exaggerated syncretistic elements which survived and made them out to have been an entire ‘culture’, the ‘composite culture’ as they call it. Which culture isn’t? And all the while they have taken care to hide the central facts about these common elements in the life of our people: that they had survived in spite of the most strenuous efforts spread over a thousand years of Islamic rulers and the ulema to erase them, that they had survived in spite of the sustained efforts during the last one hundred and fifty years of the missionaries and British rulers to make us forget and shed these elements, that the elements had survived their efforts to instead inflame each section to see its ‘identity’ and essence in factors which, if internalized, would set it apart. Most of all, these intellectuals and the like have completely diverted public view from the activities in our own day of organizations like the Tabhligi jamaat and the Church which are exerting every nerve, and deploying uncounted resources to get their adherents to discard every practice and belief which they share with their Hindu neighbours.<br/> These intellectuals and their patrons have worked a diabolic inversion: the inclusive religion, the pluralist spiritual search of our people and land, they have projected as intolerant, narrow-minded, obscurantist; and the exclusivist, totalitarian, revelatory religions and ideologies – Islam, Christianity, Marxism-Leninism – they have made out to be the epitomes of tolerance, open-mindedness, democracy, secularism! *And another thing: if an RSS publication publishes even an interview with me, that is further proof of my being communal; but so tough are the hymen of these progressives that, even when they contribute signed articles to publications of the Communist Party, their virginity remains intact! *As we have seen, the explicit part of the circular issued by the West Bengal government in 1989 in effect was that there must be no negative reference to Islamic rule in India. Although these were the very things which contemporary Islamic writers had celebrated, there must be no reference to the destruction of the temples by Muslim rulers, to the forcible conversion of Hindus, to the numerous other disabilities which were placed on the Hindu population. Along with the circular, the passages which had to be removed were listed and substitute passages were specified. The passages which were ordered to be deleted contained, if anything, a gross understatement of the facts. On the other hand, passages which were sought to be inserted contained total falsehoods: that by paying jizyah Hindus could lead ‘normal lives’ under an Islamic ruler like Alauddin Khalji! A closer study of the textbooks which are today being used under the authority of the West Bengal government shows a much more comprehensive, a much deeper design than that of merely erasing the cruelties of Islamic rule. *The position of these ‘academics’ in Bengal has, of course, been helped by the fact that the CPI(M) has been in power there for so long. But their sway has not been confined to the teaching and ‘research’ institutions of that state. It is no surprise, therefore, to see the same ‘line’ being poured down the throats of students at the national level. And so strong is the tug of intellectual fashion, so lethal can the controlling mafia be to the career of an academic that often, even though the academic may not quite subscribe to their propositions and ‘theses’, he will end up reciting those propositions. Else his manuscript will not be accepted as a textbook by the NCERT, for instance, it will not be reviewed…. *Notice the sleight of hand. The repair of temples is allowed! Temples can be constructed in villages! Temples can be constructed ‘within the privacy of homes’! Thus ‘liberal policy’ is the norm which is departed from only in times of war! And the ones who are fought and destroyed at such times are in any case ‘the enemies of Islam’! In times of peace, which are the times that prevailed normally, the norm prevails – that is, ‘the Hindus practice their religion openly and ostentatiously!’ Each of these assertions is a blatant falsehood. But these historians, having, through their control of institutions, set the standards of intellectual correctness, the one who questions the falsehoods, even though he does so by citing the writings of the best known Islamic historians of those very times, he is the one who is in the wrong. *Once they had occupied academic bodies, once they had captured universities and thereby determined what will be taught, which books will be prescribed, what questions would be asked, what answers will be acceptable, these historians came to decide what history had actually been! As it suits their current convenience and politics to make out that Hinduism also has been intolerant, they will glide over what Ambedkar says about the catastrophic effect that Islamic invasions had on Buddhism, they will completely suppress what he said of the nature of these invasions and of Muslim rule in his Thoughts on Pakistan,3 but insist on reproducing his denunciations of ‘Brahmanism’, and his view that the Buddhist India established by the Mauryas was systematically invaded and finished by Brahmin rulers.<br/>Thus, they suppress facts, they concoct others, they suppress what an author has said on one matter even as they insist that what he has said on another be taken as gospel truth. And when anyone attempts to point out what had in fact happened, they rise in chorus: a conspiracy to rewrite history, they shout, a plot to distort history, they scream. '''But they are the ones who have been distorting it in the first place – by suppressing the truth, by planting falsehoods.''' *And look at the finesse of these historians. They maintain that such facts and narratives must be swept under the carpet in the interest of national integration: recalling them will offend Muslims, they say, doing so will sow rancour against Muslims in the minds of Hindus, they say. Simultaneously, they insist on concocting the myth of Hindus destroying Buddhist temples. Will that concoction not distance Buddhists from Hindus? Will that narrative, specially when it does not have the slightest basis in fact, not embitter Hindus? *In regard to matter after critical matter – the Aryan-Dravidian divide, the nature of Islamic invasions, the nature of Islamic rule, the character of the freedom struggle – we find this trait – suppresso veri, suggesto falsi. This is the real scandal of history writing in the last thirty years. And it has been possible for these ‘eminent historians’ to perpetrate it because they acquired control of institutions like the ICHR. To undo the falsehood, the control has to be undone. *And so on – among the highest piles of rubble in the world of the sacred temples of another religion, among the highest piles of corpses of those venerated by another religion. Yet, in the reckoning of our eminent historians a policy of ‘Broad Toleration’! A policy of toleration guided by purely secular motivations! *But here in India a simplistic recitation of the earlier phrases and categories remained enough. It is not just fidelity to the masters, therefore, which characterizes the history writing by these eminences. It is a simple-mindedness!<br/>But there is an additional factor. Whitewashing the Islamic period is not the only feature which characterizes the work of these historians. There is in addition a positive hatred for the pre-Islamic period and the traditions of the country. Over the years entries about India in Soviet encyclopedias, for instance, became more and more ductile. They began to acknowledge ever so hesitantly that the categories and periods might need to be nuanced when they were extended to countries like China and India. They began to acknowledge that at various times there had been an overlapping and coexistence of different ‘stages’. And, perhaps for diplomatic reasons alone, they became increasingly circumspect – careful to avoid denigrating our traditions.<br/>In the standard two-volume Soviet work, A History of India, for instance, we find more or less the same characterization of the different periods in Indian histories as we do in the volumes of our eminent historians. But the Soviet volumes have none of the scorn and animosity which we have encountered in the volumes of our eminent historians. *Thus, there are two points to remember. First, our friends are not just Marxists, they are also Macaulayites. Second, they are Marxists in a special sense. They are Marxists in the sense that they have thought of themselves as Marxists, in the sense that they repeatedly regurgitate a handful of Marxist phrases and assertions. But more than being Marxist historians, they have been establishment historians. Their theories and ‘theses’ have accorded not just with the ‘classics’ of Marxism-Leninism, they have accorded with the ideology of, which in terms of their theory means, the needs of Congressite rulers. *Caste is real. The working class is real. Being a Naga is real. '''But ‘India is just a geographical expression!’''' Similarly, being a Muslim of course is real – Islam must be seen and talked of as one block of granite – ... '''But Hinduism? Why, there is no such thing: it is just an aggregation, a pile of assorted beliefs and practices''' – ... '''And anyone who maintains anything to the contrary is a fascist out to insinuate a unity, indeed to impose a uniformity, where there has been none.''' That is what our progressive ideologues declaim, as we have seen. In a word, the parts alone are real. The whole is just a construct. India has never been one, these ideologues insist – disparate peoples and regions were knocked together by the Aryans, by the Mughals, by the British for purposes of empire. Anyone who wants to use that construct – India – as the benchmark for determining the sort of structure under which we should live has a secret agenda – of enforcing Hindu hegemony.<br/>This is the continuance of, in a sense the culmination of, the [[Macaulay]]-Missionary technique. The British calculated that to subjugate India and hold it, they must undermine the essence of the people: this was Hinduism, and everything which flowed from it. Hence the doggedness with which they set about to undermine the faith and regard of the people for five entities: the gods and goddesses the Hindus revered; the temples and idols in which they were enshrined; the texts they held sacred; the language in which those texts and everything sacred in that tradition was enshrined and which was even in mid-nineteenth-century the lingua franca – that is, Sanskrit; and the group whose special duty it had been over aeons to preserve that way of life – the Brahmins. The other component of the same exercise was to prop up the parts – the non-Hindus, the regional languages, the castes and groups which they calculated would be the most accessible to the missionaries and the empire – the innocent tribals, the untouchables. *The situation thus is as follows: the ones who have dominated and controlled and terrorised public discourse for half a century in India are now bereft of facts, of arguments. The evidence is available to anyone who has access to their internal ‘dialogues’ – they are talking to narrower and narrower circles; and in these ever-shrinking circles, they are just repeating the old cliches, there is not a new idea, there is not a new fact. And that is predictable, as we have seen: regurgitating those nostrums of the theory is not just necessary, it is sufficient. *‘I would like to review your book myself,’ said the editor of one of our principal newspapers about Worshipping False Gods. ‘But if I praise it, they will be after me also. I too will be called communal, high-caste and all that.’ ‘Brilliant, Arun, it was fascinating,’ said a leading commentator who had written a review that inclined to the positive. ‘But, you’ll understand, I couldn’t say all that in print. But it really is brilliant. How do you manage to put in this much work?’ The very selection of reviewers tells the same story. If there is a book by a leftist, editors will be loath to give it to a person of a different point of view: ‘They will say, I have deliberately given it to a rightist,’ the editors are liable to explain. On the other hand, if it is a book by a person they have decided is a rightist, they will be loath to give it to a reviewer who also has been branded a rightist: ‘They will denounce me for deliberately giving the book to a person who is bound to praise it,’ they will bleat. Therefore, in such cases they deliberately give the book to a person who ‘is bound to condemn it’! *Furthermore, we are instructed, when we do come across instances of temple destruction, as in the case of Aurangzeb, we have to be circumspect in inferring what has happened and why.... the early monuments – like the Quwwat-ul-Islam mosque in Delhi – had to be built in ‘great haste’, we are instructed...Proclamation of political power, alone! And what about the religion which insists that religious faith is all, that the political cannot be separated from the religious? And the name: the Quwwat-ul-Islam mosque, the Might of Islam mosque? Of course, that must be taken to be mere genuflection! And notice: ‘available materials were assembled and incorporated’, they ‘clearly came from Hindu sources’ – may be the materials were just lying about; may be the temples had crumbled on their own earlier; may be the Hindus voluntarily broke their temples and donated the materials? No? After all, there is no proof they didn’t! And so, the word ‘plundered’ is repeatedly put within quotation marks!<br/>In fact, there is more. The use of such materials – from Hindu temples – for constructing Islamic mosques is part of ‘a process of architectural definition and accommodation by local workmen essential to the further development of a South Asian architecture for Islamic use’. The primary responsibility thus becomes that of those ‘local workmen’ and their ‘accommodation’. Hence, features in the Qutb complex come to ‘demonstrate a creative response by architects and carvers to a new programme’. A mosque that has clearly used materials, including pillars, from Hindu temples, in which undeniably ‘in the fabric of the central dome, a lintel carved with Hindu deities has been turned around so that its images face into the rubble wall’ comes ‘not to fix the rule’. ‘Rather, it stands in contrast to the rapid exploration of collaborative and creative possibilities – architectural, decorative, and synthetic – found in less fortified contexts.’ Conclusions to the contrary have been ‘misevaluations’. We are making the error of ‘seeing salvaged pieces’ – what a good word that, ‘salvaged ’: the pieces were not obtained by breaking down temples; they were lying as rubble and would inevitably have disintegrated with the passage of time; instead they were ‘salvaged ’, and given the honour of becoming part of new, pious buildings – ‘seeing salvaged pieces where healthy collaborative creativity was producing new forms’. *And yet, none of this is accidental. As we have seen in the texts that we have surveyed in this book, it is all part of a line. India turns out to be a recent construct. It turns out to be neither a country nor a nation. Hinduism turns out to be an invention – surprised at the word? You won’t be a few pages hence – of the British in the late nineteenth century. Simultaneously, it has always been inherently intolerant. Pre-Islamic India was a den of iniquity, of oppression. Islamic rule liberated the oppressed. It was in this period that the Ganga-Jamuna culture, the ‘composite culture’ of India was formed, with Amir Khusro as the great exponent of it, and the Sufi savants as the founts. The sense of nationhood did not develop even in that period. It developed only in response to British rule, and because of ideas that came to us from the West. But even this – the sense of being a country, of being a nation, such as it was – remained confined to the upper crust of Indians. It is the communists who awakened the masses to awareness and spread these ideas among them.<br/>In a word, India is not real – only the parts are real. Class is real. Religion is real – not the threads in it that are common and special to our religions but the aspects of religion that divide us, and thus ensure that we are not a nation, a country, those elements are real. Caste is real. Region is real. Language is real – actually, that is wrong: the line is that languages other than Sanskrit are real; Sanskrit is dead and gone; in any case, it was not, the averments in the great scholar, Horace Wilson to the House of Commons Select Committee notwithstanding, that it was the very basis, the living basis of other languages of the country; rather, it was the preserve of the upper layer, the instrument of domination and oppression; one of the vehicles of perpetuating false consciousness among the hapless masses. *The West Bengal Board of Secondary Education had issued instructions in 1989 that ‘Muslim rule should never attract any criticism. Destruction of temples by Muslim rulers and invaders should not be mentioned.’ *Their deceitful role in Ayodhya – which in the end harmed their clients more than anyone else – was just symptomatic. For fifty years this bunch has been suppressing facts and inventing lies. How concerned they pretend to be today about that objective of the ICHR – to promote objective and rational research into events of our past! How does this concern square with the guidelines issued by their West Bengal government in 1989 which Outlook itself had quoted – ‘Muslim rule should never attract any criticism. Destruction of temples by Muslim rulers and invaders should not be mentioned?’ But incorporating their wholesale fabrications of the destruction of Buddhist viharas, about the non-existent ‘Aryan invasion’, that is mandatory – to question them is to be communal, chauvinist! The capture of institutions like the ICHR has been bad enough, but in the end it has been a device. The major crime of these ‘historians’ has been this partisanship: suppresso veri, suggesto falsi. *The press is a ready example of their efforts, and of the skills they have acquired in this field. They have taken care to steer their members and sympathizers into journalism. And within journalism, they have paid attention to even marginal niches. Consider books. A book by one of them has but to reach a paper, and suggestions of names of persons who would be specially suitable for reviewing it follow. As I mentioned, the editor who demurs, and is inclined to send the book to a person of a different hue is made to feel guilty, to feel that he is deliberately ensuring a biased, negative review. That selecting a person from their list may be ensuring a biased acclamation is talked out. The pressures of prevailing opinion are such, and editors so eager to evade avoidable trouble, that they swiftly select one of the recommended names...<br/>You have only to scan the books pages of newspapers and magazines over the past fifty years to see what a decisive effect even this simple stratagem has had. Their persons were in vital positions in the publishing houses: and so their kind of books were the ones that got published. They then reviewed, and prescribed each other’s books. On the basis of these publications and reviews they were able to get each other positions in universities and the like…. Even positions in institutions which most of us would not even suspect exist were put to intense use. How many among us would know of an agency of government which determines bulk purchases of books for government and other libraries. But they do! So that if you scan the kinds of books this organization has been ordering over the years, you will find them to be almost exclusively the shades of red and pink....<br/>So, their books are selected for publication. They review each other’s books. Reputations are thereby built. Posts are thereby garnered. A new generation of students is weaned wearing the same pair of spectacles – and that means yet another generation of persons in the media, yet another generation of civil servants, of teachers in universities…. *The example we would do well to keep in front of us is that of the Dalai Lama. He was giving a discourse on a Tibetan text about meditation. He read out a sentence, laughed and remarked, ‘Buddhist theories of creation, a disgrace! Must throw them out!’ He advises that we should keep a wastepaper basket nearby – whatever doesn’t accord with what we know now, we should cast into that basket. ‘Buddhism must face facts,’ that is what he teaches. Accordingly, he has opened Buddhist texts to minute examination. (...) That reflects confidence in one’s tradition. That is true service to the tradition. That is the way to preserve for the future ‘the pearl of great price’ in it. * But today the fashion is to ascribe the extinction of Buddhism to the persecution of Buddhists by Hindus, to the destruction of their temples by the Hindus. One point is that the Marxist historians who have been perpetrating this falsehood have not been able to produce even an iota of evidence to substantiate the concoction. In one typical instance, Romila Thapar had cited three inscriptions. The indefatigable [[Sita Ram Goel]] looked them up. Two of these turned out to have absolutely no connection with Buddhist viharas or their destruction, and the one that did deal with an object being destroyed had been held by authorities to have been a concoction; in any event, it told a story which was as different from what the historian had insinuated as day from night. *The accompanying pages contain two columns: aushuddho – impurity, or error – and shuddho. One has just to glance through the changes to see the objective the progressives are trying to achieve through their ‘objective’, ‘rational’ approach to the writing of history. *Thus, not just whitewash, hogwash too. ;About the book * The first major criticism of the ‘left-liberal’ or ‘progressive’ historians was made by Arun Shourie with special reference to the state of the ICHR in their control.” **D. K. Chakrabarti, Nationalism in the Study of Ancient Indian History (Aryan Books International, Delhi). and quoted in [https://koenraadelst.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-case-of-good-nationalism-dk.html] *“Eminent historians” is what they call one another, and what their fans call them. When they don’t have an answer to an opponent’s arguments, they pompously dismiss him as not having enough “eminence”. So when Arun Shourie wrote about some abuses in this sector, he called his book Eminent Historians. It is also a pun on an old book about prominent colonial-age personalities, Eminent Victorians. **Elst, K. [https://koenraadelst.blogspot.com/2016/05/interview-in-monthly-swarajya.html Interview, Swarajya, May 2016)] ===2000s=== ====''Harvesting our souls: Missionaries, their design, their claims'' (2000) ==== *If you had been in India in late 1998-early 1999, and the English-language "national" newspapers had been your source of information about what was going on, you would have concluded that an extensive, well coordinated pogrom was on, that maniacal Hindu groups were going round raping nuns, attacking missionaries, burning down churches. (p 7) *There indeed was a conspiracy it runs out, and a communal one at that. The whole thing was a concoction - by those whose agenda it is to paint Hindus as communalists on the rampage, and the RSS, BJP, etc., as organizations which are orchestrating a "pogrom". "Investigations, however revealed that what Sister Mary said in the FIR was not true," records Justice Wadhwa. "It was a made-up story. Investigations found that there was in fact no rape of Sister Mary... B.B. Panda, Director General of Police stated that the 'rape of the nun' case was projected and highlighted all over the world and was also projected as an attack on Christians when in fact it was not true, and the case turned out to be false." (9-10) *The contrast between the truth about the incidents and what they were made out to be should alert our newspapers and TV channels not to shoot off accounts without examining the facts. In particular, they must not go merely by the allegations of communalism-mongers.(13) *Several groups have several reasons for manufacturing calumny - from money to idelogy to the crassest kind of politics. Many of these are well-organized, some, as we shall see, have well-knit, world-wide networks. And they have honed expertise in manufacturing atrocity-stories, in broadcasting them round the globe, and in putting their manufactures to profitable use. (13) *High priority must be given to work among Hindu women, they say, "since they are the custodians of the faith"... (62) ====''Self-Deception : India's China Policies; Origins, Premises, Lessons'' (2008) ==== :Arun Shourie - Self-Deception _ India's China Policies_ Origins, Premises, Lessons-Harper Collins (2008, 2013) * The brutal—the customarily brutal—way in which the Chinese government suppressed the protests by Tibetans in Lhasa in the months preceding the 2008 Beijing Olympics once again drew attention to the enormous crime that the world has refused to see: the systematic way in which an entire people have been reduced to a minority in their own land; the cruelty with which they are being crushed; the equally systematic way in which their religion and ancient civilization are being erased. Protests by Tibetans in different cities across the world, joined as they were by large numbers of citizens of those countries, had the same effect.<br>No government anywhere in the world did what the Manmohan Singh government did in Delhi, no government reacted in as craven and as frightened a manner as our government did. The Olympic Torch was to be relayed across just about two kilometres—from Vijay Chowk to India Gate. The government stationed over twenty thousand troops, paramilitary personnel, policemen and plainclothes men in and around that short stretch. Tibetan refugees were beaten and sequestered. Government offices were closed. Roads were blocked. The Metro was shut down. Even members of Parliament were stopped from going to their homes through the square that adjoins Parliament, the Vijay Chowk.<br>Do you think that any of this was done out of love for the Olympics?<br>It was done out of fear of China. *Now, this is a favourite phrase of Panditji—‘the long-term view’—as is ‘the larger considerations’. Whenever he deploys the former, you can be sure that he is preparing the case for ceding ground. Whenever he deploys the latter, you can be sure that he is preparing the case for ceding specifically the country’s interest. *Recall, what he had told the Tibetans—that India would help diplomatically. That help now has come to mean that India will keep China in good humour even as it crushes Tibet, so that it may not crush Tibet more swiftly. *We can see the operational conclusion that flows from such reasoning. As the main advance has halted, there is nothing that we need to do. When the main advance resumes, the full picture is not clear. When it is completed, and the place is subjugated, there is nothing for us to do as, by then, the place has already been subjugated. For us to do or say anything will only enrage the occupiers, and bring even greater hardship on the poor Tibetans! *He speaks at length, that is, but scarcely touches on any of the specific matters that members had raised. *The view that he disapproves is always unbalanced; or stuck in the past; or stuck in the cold war mould; or subjective and emotional... *The Dalai Lama is in India at India’s invitation. Panditji meets him on 26 and 28 November 1956. The Dalai Lama is distraught. Panditji jots down the points of their exchange. The Dalai Lama puts the figure of Chinese troops in Tibet at 120,000, the very figure for which Panditji had come down on Apa Pant. The [[w:Subimal Dutt|foreign secretary]] inserts a paragraph in Panditji’s notings about the talks: ‘The Dalai Lama appealed to India for help. PM’s reply was that, apart from other considerations, India was not in a position to give any effective help to Tibet; nor were other countries in a position to do so. Dalai Lama should not resist land reforms.’ Instead of help, Panditji gives advice. He records the advice he gives: ‘D.L. should become the leader of the reform. Best way we can help is by maintaining friendly relations with China, otherwise China would fear our designs in Tibet.’ An excuse, and a presumptuous one—‘otherwise China would fear our designs in Tibet.’ *As the principal object of this brief book is to set out the evolution of India’s China-policy in Panditji’s own words, and to show how those assumptions and habits continue to endanger us today, I have kept annotations to the minimum. But what Panditji did and said and wrote in regard to China does deserve to be analyzed almost at the psychological and linguistic level! For his stance, his formulations, his rationalizations are rooted in habits, in mental processes. Not just his assumptions and premises persist among policy-makers, those very habits and mental processes persist. In the 1950s, they went unquestioned because of the lofty position that Panditji occupied in our lives and discourse. Today, they go equally unquestioned—though for a different reason: discourse has got so dumbed-down that no assumption or premise is examined as it should be. An illustration will bring home the consequence. Among the habits that persist, one is especially harmful as it rationalizes going-along at an almost subliminal level. This is the habit of slipping in a thought or sentence which excuses one from facing the facts. We see this in Pandit Nehru’s writings and spoken word at every turn. ... *A contributing factor certainly must have been the contempt that Mao, Chou En-lai and others felt for India and Indians. This comes through again and again in conversation after conversation of the Chinese leaders. Chou and Kissinger agree on how India is the one that is causing the troubles in East Pakistan; on what China and US should together do to halt India in the tracks; they agree about not just what is ‘the Indian tradition’—deceit, blaming others—but just as much about the Indian character—marked by ingratitude.⁴ The contempt and coordination show through even more dramatically in the conversations that Kissinger later has with the permanent representative of China at the UN, Huang Hua, during which he asks Huang Hua to assure Chou En-lai that, should China take military action against India to divert it from pursuing its assault on Pakistan, the US will hold the Soviet Union at bay. Nixon, Pompidou and Kissinger are exchanging views about the state of the world. Nixon summarizes the Chinese assessments: ‘...the attitude of the Chinese towards their neighbours can be summed up in this way. The Russians they hate and fear now. The Japanese they fear later but do not hate. For the Indians they feel contempt but they are there and backed by the U.S.S.R.’ ===2010s=== *I don't see the difference between the two. I feel they (the BJP and the Congress) are one party. They are jointly ruling. It is a dinner party. They meet at dinners. They meet socially. They decide on what has to be done about issues. <br>First, the media should write about itself. It is extremely short-sighted about the media to black out these things. The Mitrokhin Archives revealed how (the then Soviet intelligence agency) the KGB boasted that they were able to plant 400 stories in such and such Indian newspapers. The Indian media blacked it out. Then, privatetreaties of The Times of India that other people have now adopted has been completely blacked out.... When the Press Council of India was forced to appoint a committee to look into the allegations about 'paid news', the Press Council itself suppressed the report. **[https://www.rediff.com/news/report/interview-arun-shourie-on-the-real-meaning-of-the-radia-tapes1/20101201.htm Interview] 2010 ====''Falling Over Backwards'' (2012) ==== *The first derailment was caused by plucking the words ‘of their choice’ out of context, by tearing them away from the object for which Articles 29 and 30 gave minorities the right to set up and administer institutions. A normal engineering college or a college of dentistry can by no stretch be taken to be an institution that has been set up to help conserve the language, script or culture of the minority. Yet, provided the engineering or dentistry college has been set up by members of a minority, it was presumed to enjoy the protection of Articles 29 and 30, and thereby be beyond the reach of the state. *The result has been as predictable as it is iniquitous and absurd: if Ram Sharan sets up an engineering college, the state as well as the university concerned can prescribe all sorts of things it must do; if Mohammed Aslam sets up an exact clone of that engineering college across the road, teaching exactly the same subjects, using exactly the same textbooks, neither the state nor the university can regulate its functioning! *On the other hand, when sticking to the text is what will advance the judgment, they become strict constructionists. Some of the most conspicuous instances of this can be found in judgments relating to Article 30, the article that deals with the ‘right of minorities to establish and administer educational institutions’. The country had been partitioned on the cry that Muslims will never be secure in a united India. The framers were naturally keen to reassure the minorities that they would be free to preserve their religion, language and culture. Accordingly, Article 29 was enacted guaranteeing them and assuring them of this freedom. In case they wanted to set up institutions for safeguarding their language, culture, religion, Article 30 was enacted assuring them that ‘All minorities, whether based on religion or language, shall have the right to establish and administer educational institutions of their choice.’ The context made the purpose clear: minorities would have the freedom to set up such institutions as they thought would best preserve their culture, religion, language. But, given what has been the climate of discourse since the framing of the Constitution, the judges became literalists. Minorities would have the right to set up and manage ‘educational institutions of their choice’ irrespective of the purpose for which the institution was set up. Thus, engineering colleges and dental colleges set up by a family of, say, Muslims would have freedoms from state regulation and oversight that engineering and dental colleges set up by run-of-the-mill Indians would not. *Now, these are not stray phrases thrown in to light up a purple passage. They are stances, they are standpoints that indicate the direction in which that judgment will go, they are signposts which tell us where the reasoning being advanced in the text will eventually end. Such formulations have a significance beyond the particular judgment in which they figure. Succeeding benches can strike the same pose and gallop further in the same direction. *We comfort ourselves: at least, the virus of reservations has not got into judicial appointments; at least, reservations have not been extended to Muslims and Christians. Both notions are just make-believe. *As for reservations not having been extended to members of religions that repudiate caste – Islam, Christianity, Sikhism – again, that is but make-believe. The chairman of the Minorities Commission, my friend Tarlochan Singh, sends me a list of fifty-eight castes and of fourteen tribal groups, Muslim members of which have been given reservations. Even those who convert to one of these religions, continue to remain entitled to reservation. The rule in Tamil Nadu is that if the name of the father falls in the lists of Backward Castes/Most Backward Castes/Scheduled Castes/Scheduled Tribes, then, even if the person has converted to another religion, he remains entitled to reservations. In Gujarat, members of Backward Castes continue to avail of not just reservations but even of advantages under the roster system after conversion – 137 castes and sub-castes have been listed as socially and educationally backward in the state; of these, twenty-eight belong to the Muslim community. In Karnataka, ‘caste at birth’ is the norm. In UP, several Muslim castes are included in the reservation list – Lalbegi, Mazhabis, even Ansaris. The position is no different in Madhya Pradesh, in West Bengal. The Indian Express correspondent in Kolkata reports that the government of the ostentatiously secular CPI(M) strained to have reservations in government service as well as educational institutions extended to Muslims qua Muslims, and directed the state Minorities Commission to ascertain how such reservation had been decreed in Andhra Pradesh. The plan has had to be deferred for the time being, he writes, Only because the Andhra Pradesh High Court has struck down the Andhra order as unconstitutional. *Even as moves are afoot to get the Andhra judgment reversed, the government has directed the armed forces to count soldiers and officers by their religion. Nor is this move an inadvertence. It has arisen as a result of a committee that the government has appointed under a former chief justice of Delhi, Rajinder Sachar -each member of which has been carefully selected for his ‘secular’ beliefs. Each term of reference on which it is to supply information and make recommendations, as we noted at the outset, has been just as carefully selected to justify reservations and other concessions to Muslims as a religious group. *With elections looming, in January 2006, the Government of Kerala announced another ‘package’ of reservations for backward castes and for Muslims: service rules of the state shall be altered to permit direct recruitment of these sections so as to fill the 40 per cent quota that has been set aside for them; if suitable candidates are not available from these sections, the vacancies shall not be filled by merit; the state Public Service Commission shall prepare an ‘additional supplementary list’ so that the vacancies may be filled only by these sections; 20 per cent of the seats shall be reserved for these castes in graduate and postgraduate courses in government colleges; the chief minister will himself monitor the implementation of the reservation policy; there shall be a permanent commission to ensure that reservations are fully filled... *With elections upon them, the DMK and its allies announced in Tamil Nadu that, once in office, they will bring forth legislation to give reservations to Muslims and Christians. *The Jharkhand government, in turn, has announced that members of thirty-two tribes that are the most backward – literacy level among nine of them is said to be just 10 per cent – shall be directly recruited into government service; those among them who pass the graduation examination shall not have to take the qualifying examination which all others who enter government service have to take. *And beware, the progressive judges have already put out the basis for extending reservations to Muslims or Christians as Muslims and Christians. The word that the Constitution uses is ‘communities’, the word it uses is ‘classes’, Justices Jeevan Reddy, Sawant and Thommen hold in Indra Sawhney. ‘Community’ and ‘class’ are wider than ‘caste’, they say. So, entities wider than ‘caste’ can certainly be subsumed under them, they say – the only proviso being that the groups so identified be ‘backward’. Second, in spite of the teachings of Islam, Christianity and Sikhism, castes persist in these religions also, they explain in justification. As that is the reality, it would be invidious to restrict access to reservations to the backward sections of Hindus alone...3 *How far we have descended! Today progressives dress up their casteism as secularism! The benefits of reservation shall be extended to Muslims and Christians also, they proudly announce. In Andhra the decision of the government has had to be twice struck down by the courts – the government had decreed reservations for Muslims qua Muslims. Even as moves are afoot to get that judgment reversed, the Central government directed the armed forces to count soldiers and officers by their religion. Nor was the move an inadvertence. It arose as a result of a committee that the government had appointed under a former chief justice of the Delhi High Court. Each member of the committee has been carefully selected for his ‘secular’ and ‘progressive’ beliefs. Each term of reference on which the committee has been asked to supply information and make recommendations has been just as carefully selected to justify reservations and other concessions to Muslims as a religious group: *Every single item betrays the singular purpose of the whole exercise–to provide the rationale for extending reservations to Muslims. Nor is that opportunism confined to the present ruling coalition. In the run-up to the 2005 elections in Bihar, rival groups were vying with each other promising reservations for Muslims qua Muslims. *The object of the framers of the Constitution was, as ours must be, quite the opposite. It was to wipe out the cancer of caste even from Hindu society. Only with the greatest reluctance did they agree to allow reservations for the Scheduled Castes and Tribe – for they felt that doing even this much would perpetuate caste distinctions. The reservations were, therefore, to be exceptions to the general rule. ===2020s=== *One must reflect deeply on the nature of the adversity, and on how it may be converted into an instrument for growth. The routine Gandhiji set for himself was always so much stricter and so much more demanding than anything that a jailer would have thought of imposing on anyone. Similarly, picture Vinoba in solitary confinement in that cell, 8 feet by 9 feet in dimension: how he converts imprisonment into ashram life; how in that tiny space, in forced and complete isolation, he retains his mental discipline by meditating for two to three hours every day; how he disciplines himself physically by walking every day for eight hours inside that suffocating cell, and thereby covering ten miles—covering ten miles in a cell 8 feet by 9 feet every single day! In both cases, control remained in the hands of the prisoner, not the jailer—a very important factor in dealing with adversity. ** Arun Shourie, ''Preparing: For Death.'' Penguin Random House India Private Limited, 2020. ISBN 935305978X, 9789353059781 *The rituals—for instance, those we go through during a marriage ceremony—were devised to imbed certain values into us: the experience of centuries had led thoughtful persons to see that going through those steps, that reciting those mantras and reflecting on them would help us internalize those values, and mould our lives accordingly. But what do we do today? First, we outsource the ritual—to a pandit, say. As he goes through the motions prescribed for solemnizing a marriage, as he chants those mantras, we don’t have a clue about the meaning of the words that he is reciting, nor of the steps—‘Now pour some water on the earth, and then on . . .’ Nor do we care: ‘Panditji, puja zaraa jaldi khatam kar deejiye. Guest dinner ke liye wait kar rahen hain’—‘Panditji, please conclude the puja a bit quickly. The guests are waiting for dinner.’ ** Arun Shourie, ''Preparing: For Death.'' Penguin Random House India Private Limited, 2020. ISBN 935305978X, 9789353059781 ==Quotes about Arun Shourie== *In the end, India had to wait till 1998 for Arun Shourie’s Eminent Historians to be published. This book uncovered in detail after ghastly detail, this multi-layered assault on the national psyche that has disfigured the minds of at least three generations regarding the vital truths of their own nation. And thanks to this seminal contribution, “Eminent Historian” has fittingly become a swearword in the Indian public discourse. **S. Balakrishna, Seventy years of secularism. 2018. *Anyone who thought India had dismantled its notorious system of bureaucratic controls when it embarked on economic reform in 1991 ought to consult Arun Shourie. As cabinet minister (at various times since 1998) for privatisation, administrative reform, information technology and telecommunications, Mr Shourie's observations are close to the bone. The Hindu nationalist-led government in which Mr Shourie was the most prominent economic reformer was thrown out last May. Franz Kafka would have had difficulty dreaming up some of the examples cited in Mr Shourie's book. ... But it is what India's bureaucracy is like under normal conditions that matters and Mr Shourie does a depressingly thorough job in chronicling it. One can only hope that India's senior civil servants find the time to read this book - and have the grace to wince. **[[Edward Luce]], India's tragic comedy of civil disservice, book review in Financial Times. November 9, 2004 *Muslim leaders and Stalinist historians were raising a howl about Hindu chauvinism when it came to the notice of Arun Shourie, the Chief Editor of the Indian Express at that time, that some significant passages had been omitted from the English translation of an Urdu book written long ago by the father of Ali Mian, the famous Muslim theologian from Lucknow. He wrote an article, Hideaway Communalism, in the Indian Express of February 5, 1989 pointing out how the passages regarding destruction of Hindu temples and building of mosques on their sites at Delhi, Jaunpur, Kanauj, Etawah, Ayodhya, Varanasi and Mathura had been dropped from the English translation published by Ali Mian himself. This was a new and dramatic departure from the norm observed so far by the prestigious press. Publishing anything which said that Islam was less than sublime had been taboo for a long time. I was pleasantly surprised, and named Arun Shourie as the [[Gorbachev]] of India. He had thrown open the windows and let in fresh breeze in a house full of the stinking garbage of stale slogans. **Goel, S.R. How I became a Hindu (1993, revised ed.) *[Arun Shourie's article 'Hideaway Communalism'] had violated a taboo placed by the mass media and the academia on any unfavourable narration of the history of Islam since the days when Mahatma Gandhi took command of the Indian National Congress and launched his first non-cooperation movement in support of the Turkish Khilafat. **Goel, S.R. Hindu Temples – What Happened to Them, Volume I (1990) Preface, 2nd edition, p. xiii. *Arun Shourie had shown great courage. But he had counted without the secularist crowd which had access to the owner of the Indian Express. He told me on the phone that there was some trouble brewing. I have never talked to him about the nature of the trouble, and do not know if my articles had anything to do with his ouster from the Indian Express next year. All I know is that he had to slow down the publication of my next two articles. **Goel, S.R. How I became a Hindu (1993, revised ed.) *Mani Shankar Aiyar totally condemns one of Arun Shourie's books, and then goes on to declare that he has decided not to read it : "Shourie gave the final touches to the manuscript of his book on Islam, a work so vicious and perverted that every English speaking Muslim I know was outraged... I decided then to show my solidarity with secularism by not reading the book." (The book he refers to, is apparently Shourie's Religion in Politics, a very sane and sober look at several Scriptures in the light of reason.) **Elst, Koenraad. Ayodhya and after: issues before Hindu society. Voice of India. 1991. *The problem of book-banning and censorship on Islam criticism is compounded by the related problem of self- censorship. Thus, when in late 1992, the famous columnist Arun Shourie wanted to publish a collection of his columns on Islamic fundamentalism, esp. the Rushdie and Ayodhya affairs (Indian Controversies), the publisher withdrew at the last moment, afraid of administrative or physical reprisals, and the printer also backed out. Earlier, Shourie had been lucky to find one paper willing to publish these columns, for most Indian newspapers strictly keep the lid on Islam criticism. Hindu society is a terrorized society. **Elst, Koenraad. Negationism in India: concealing the record of Islam. Voice of India. 1992 *Arun Shourie was sacked as Indian Express editor, apparently under government pressure, after revealing that, in October 1990, Prime Minister V.P. Singh had aborted his own compromise arrangement on Ayodhya under pressure from Imam Bukhari, prominent member of the BMAC. **Koenraad Elst. Ayodhya: the case against the temple. 2002 * Or take A Secular Agenda by Arun Shourie, PhD from Syracure NY and stunningly successful Disinvestment Minister in the AB Vajpayee Government, when India scored its highest economic growth figures. It was a very important book, and it left no stone standing of the common assumption among so-called experts that India (with its religion-based civil codes and its discriminatory laws against Hinduism) is a secular state, i.e. a state in which all citizens are equal before the law, regardless of their religion. Though the book deconstructs the bedrock on which the “experts” have built their view of modern India, they have never formulated a refutation. Instead, they just keep on repeating their own deluded assumption, as in: “The BJP threatens India’s structure as a secular state.” (Actually, the BJP does not, and India is not.) They can do so because they are secure in the knowledge that, among the audiences that matter, their camp controls the sphere of discourse. Concerning the interface between religion and modern politics, the established “academic” view is not just defective, it is an outrageous failure. **Elst, Koenraad. Hindu dharma and the culture wars. (2019). New Delhi : Rupa. *The only ray of light in this encircling gloom was Arun Shourie, the veteran journalist and the chief editor of the Indian express at that time. On February 5, 1989, he frontpaged an article, Hideaway Communalism, showing that while the Urdu version of a book by Maulana Hakim Sayid Abdul Hai of the Nadwatul-Ulama at Lucknow had admitted that seven famous mosques had been built on the sites of Hindu temples, the English translation published by the Maulana’s son, Abul Hasan Ali Nadwi (Ali Mian) had eschewed the “controversial evidence”. He also published in the Indian Express three articles written by me on the subject of Islamic iconoclasm. This was a very courageous defiance of the ban imposed by Islam and administered by Secularism, namely, that crimes committed by Islam cannot even be whispered in private, not to speak of being proclaimed in public. **Goel, S. R. (1993). Hindu temples: What happened to them. (Second Enlarged Edition) [https://web.archive.org/web/20120429114113/http://www.bharatvani.org:80/books/htemples2/] *He dismisses Arun Shourie by pigeon-holing him as ‘post-modern’. He does not know that Hinduism has its own view of Time, and that a person who serves Sanatana Dharma cannot be dated. Scholars like Arun Shourie belong neither to the past, nor to the present, nor yet to the future. They belong to a timeless span. **S.R. Goel, History of Hindu-Christian Encounters (1996) * Just then Shourie was sacked as its editor. The reason was not so much the article, but, apparently, his entire policy of including columns by Hindu communalists like Ram Swarup and Sita Ram Goel, and his own articles that debunked some of the prevalent secularism, such as Hideaway Communalism. ** Elst, Koenraad (1991). Ayodhya and after: Issues before Hindu society. *I thank particularly my friend Arun Shourie because we need people like Arun Shourie to challenge us so that we can rectify our mistakes and all together collectively move towards the creation of a new India, a new humanity. ** Fr. Augustine Kanjamala, quoted in Shourie, Arun. Arun Shourie and his Christian Critic. (1995) * It is clear that Witzel himself has a political agenda: note his resentment of the “present Indian (right wing) denouncement of the ‘eminent historians’ of Delhi” (§9) – some of these “eminent historians” actively collaborated with Witzel and Farmer in their recent media-blitz in the Indian press. The reader is invited to go carefully through Arun SHOURIE’s book “Eminent Historians” (1998), which is being referred to here, and see the kind of political scholarship to whose defense Witzel has no compunctions in rushing! **S. Talageri. Michael Witzel – An Examination of his Review of my Book (2001) *As for Shourie, Mukhia is hardly revealing a secret with his information that Shourie “does journalism for a living”. The greatest investigative journalist in India by far, he has indeed unearthed some dirty secrets of Congressite, casteist and Communist politicians. His revelations about the corrupt financial dealings between the Marxist historians and the government-sponsored academic institutions are in that same category: fearless and factual investigative journalism. Shourie has a Ph.D. degree in Economics from Syracuse University in U.S.A., which should attest to a capacity for scholarship, even if not strictly in the historical field. When he criticizes the gross distortions of history by Mukhia’s school, one could say formally that he transgresses the boundaries of his specialism, but such formalistic exclusives only hide the absence of a substantive refutation. **Elst K. Ayodhya: The Case Against the Temple, chapter 4 * When Shourie's articles first appeared, they aroused great emotions and savage attacks. He quoted from the Bible and the Quran extensively on the question of co-existence. Many were shocked.... Shourie has called his book, Religion in Politics; someday he should bring out another book, Politics in Religion....The first book discusses politics complicated by religions factors; the second would discuss religions which are essentially political... **Ram Swarup, Hinduism and monotheistic religions (2009) == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{Modern Hindu writers}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Shourie, Arun}} [[Category:1941 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Journalists from India]] [[Category:Economists from India]] [[Category:Politicians from India]] [[Category:Anti-communists]] [[Category:Investigative journalists]] [[Category:Hindus]] psxi3zwss0mktzqjcqin4gareow8pgo 3778837 3778836 2025-07-14T20:08:04Z ᘙ 3105225 /* 2020s */ 3778837 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Arun Shourie addressing the Plenary Session on "Diaspora Youth and India - Blueprint for Engagement" at the 2nd Pravasi Bharatiya Divas in 2004.jpg|thumb| I was pleasantly surprised, and named Arun Shourie as the [[Gorbachev]] of India. He had thrown open the windows and let in fresh breeze in a house full of the stinking garbage of stale slogans. ~ Sita Ram Goel]] [[File:Animal artists at the Jardin des Plantes.jpg|thumb|They have made present-day [[India]], and [[Hinduism]] even more so, out to be a [[zoo]] – an agglomeration of assorted, disparate specimens. No such thing as ‘[[India]]’, just a geographical expression, just a construct of the [[British]]; no such thing as Hinduism, just a word used by Arabs to describe the assortment they encountered, just an invention of the [[Communalism|communalists]] to impose a uniformity – that has been their stance.]] [[File:Dalailama1 20121014 4639.jpg|thumb|The example we would do well to keep in front of us is that of the [[Dalai Lama]]. He was giving a discourse on a Tibetan text about meditation. He read out a sentence, laughed and remarked, ‘Buddhist theories of creation, a disgrace! Must throw them out!’ He advises that we should keep a wastepaper basket nearby – whatever doesn’t accord with what we know now, we should cast into that basket. ‘[[Buddhism]] must face facts,’ that is what he teaches. Accordingly, he has opened Buddhist texts to minute examination. (...) That reflects confidence in one’s [[tradition]]. That is true service to the tradition. That is the way to preserve for the [[future]] ‘the pearl of great price’ in it.]] [[File:Censorship in cinema.jpg|thumb|Evasion, concealment, have become a national habit. And they have terrible consequences... Those who proceed by such cynical calculations sow havoc for all of us, for Muslims, for Hindus, for all. Those who remain silent in the face of such cynicism, such calculations help them sow the havoc. Will we shed our evasions and concealments? Will we at last learn to speak and face the whole truth?]] [[File:Parental Advisory label.svg|thumb|Each reference to each of these mosques having been constructed on the sites of temples with, as in the case of the mosque at Benaras, the stones of the very temple which was demolished for that very purpose have been censored out of the English version of the book! Each one of the passages on each one of the seven mosques! No accident that. .... why would anyone have thought it necessary to remove these passages from the English version-that is the version which was more likely to be read by persons other than the faithful? Why would anyone bowdlerise the book of a major scholar in this way?]] [[File:Censorship.svg|thumb|The forfeiture is exactly the sort of thing which has landed us where we are : where intellectual inquiry is shut out ; where our tradition are not examined and reassessed and where as a consequence there is no dialogue.]] [[File:Murales Rivera - Treppenhaus 9 Bücherverbrennung.jpg|thumb|Our response should be three fold. First, whenever an attempt... is made to stifle free speech, to kill even scholarly inquiry, we must go out of our way and immediately obtain the book...<br> Secondly, whenever the intimidators prevail and such a book actually comes to be banned large numbers should take to reprinting it, photocopying it, to circulating it, and discussing its contents.<br> The third thing is more necessary, and in the long run will be the complete answer to the intimidators. As long as scholars like Mr. Swarup are few, intimidators can bully weak governments into shutting them one by one. But what will they do if 1,000, scholars are to do work of the same order? This is the way to deal with intimidators. Let 1,000 scholars carry on work Mr. Swarup has pioneered.]] [[File:Eustache Le Sueur - The Preaching of St Paul at Ephesus - WGA12613.jpg|thumb|The most extensive deletions are ordered in regard to the chapter on ‘Aurangzeb’s policy on religion’. Every allusion to what he actually did to the Hindus, to their temples, to the very leitmotif of his rule – to spread the sway of Islam – are directed to be excised from the book... '''All whitewashed away.'''<br/>'''Objective whitewash for objective history. And today if anyone seeks to restore truth to these textbooks, the shout, ‘Communal rewriting of history’.''']] [[File:Porträtgalerie des steiermärkischen Adels 043.jpg|thumb|Once they had occupied academic bodies, once they had captured universities and thereby determined what will be taught, which books will be prescribed, what questions would be asked, what answers will be acceptable, these historians came to decide what history had actually been! ... Thus, they suppress facts, they concoct others, they suppress what an author has said on one matter even as they insist that what he has said on another be taken as gospel truth. And when anyone attempts to point out what had in fact happened, they rise in chorus: a conspiracy to rewrite history, they shout, a plot to distort history, they scream. '''But they are the ones who have been distorting it in the first place – by suppressing the truth, by planting falsehoods.''']] [[File:Censored stamp.jpg|thumb|I hope the reader will not just read through the examples but will also ask why it is that such material is not placed before our students. After all it is not difficult to come by, and, as the reader will agree after going through it, it has the most direct bearing on our denationalization. Yet, even though he may have considerable interest in our current problems, even though he may have been following closely the public discourse on such problems, in all probability the reader would not have come across the material. Why is this so?]] [[File:Soviet Communism Threatens Education - NARA - 5730072.jpg|thumb|The situation thus is as follows: the ones who have dominated and controlled and terrorised public discourse for half a century in India are now bereft of facts, of arguments. The evidence is available to anyone who has access to their internal ‘dialogues’ – they are talking to narrower and narrower circles; and in these ever-shrinking circles, they are just repeating the old cliches, there is not a new idea, there is not a new fact. And that is predictable, as we have seen: regurgitating those nostrums of the theory is not just necessary, it is sufficient.]] [[File:Shri Arun Shourie, Member of Parliament presented his book titled “Falling Over Backward” to the Vice President, Shri Bhairon Singh Shekhawat, in New Delhi on June 3, 2006.jpg|thumb|The result has been as predictable as it is iniquitous and absurd: if Ram Sharan sets up an engineering college, the state as well as the university concerned can prescribe all sorts of things it must do; if Mohammed Aslam sets up an exact clone of that engineering college across the road, teaching exactly the same subjects, using exactly the same textbooks, neither the state nor the university can regulate its functioning!]] '''[[w:Arun Shourie|Arun Shourie]]''' (born 2 November 1941) is a prominent journalist, author, and politician of India. == Quotes == ===1970s=== ====''Symptoms of Fascism'' (1978) ==== *What we are witnessing today in relation to the criminals of the Emergency is not the rule of law but the destruction of it. We are witnessing how the bourgeois rule of law is destroyed - members of the class itself destroy it for their personal aggrandizement and the bourgeoisie is unable to muster up the firmness needed to bring these blackguards to book. Today two features of our legal system are being laid bare for all to see. First, it cannot catch criminals if they are influential and well connected. Second, it cannot catch them for their principal crimes against the people and the State. *Then we have our seedy Leftists busy abusing each other. And finally we have the liberals - busy rearranging furniture on the deck of theTitanic, nay busy holding seminars about rearranging furniture on the deck of the Titanic. *To rely on these fellows to save us from the impending fascist avalanche is to rely on superannuated buffaloes to see us across a minefield. ===1980s=== ====''Religion in politics'' (1989) ==== * Thus silence retards reform. If large numbers were writing and talking about the communalism of these leaders, for instance, the reformers within these communities would not be as isolated, indeed as beleaguered as they are today. Worst of all not speaking the whole truth becomes a habit. Concealing one’s convictions, glossing over the evidence, deception, become almost an ingredient of public discourse. ===1990s=== *And yet I find in the majority judgement a fatal innocence... The judgement quotes the proclamations from the Rig, Yajur and Atharva Vedas - about all human beings being one, about their being the children of the same Mother-Earth, about the yearnings that all of use be friends. But it does not note that less than a mile from its building volumes upon volumes of [[w:fatwa|fatwas]] are being sold and distributed which exhort Muslims never to trust [[w:Kafir|Kafirs]], never to allow them into their confidence; which tell them that their first duty and allegiance is to their religion and not to sundry laws... It is not [[Gandhiji]] who needs to be convinced that Ishwar and Allah ar one. It is not [[Guru Gobind Singh]] who needs to be convinced that mandir and masjid, Puran and Quran are one. The ones who need to be convinced that they are one - say, the ulema, or the Shahi Iman... - have it as an article of faith that they are not one. **Arun Shourie in: India., & Dasgupta, S. (1995). The Ayodhya reference: The Supreme Court judgement and commentaries. p. 171-3 * "The forfeiture is exactly the sort of thing which has landed us where we are : where intellectual inquiry is shut out ; where our tradition are not examined and reassessed and where as a consequence there is no dialogue." **About the book banning of Ram Swarup's Understanding Islam through Hadis. quoted from Koenraad Elst. Ayodhya and after: issues before Hindu society. 1991. Ch. 12. *They rely on intimidation, It is exactly by tactics of this kind that an earlier book of Mr. Swarup - Understanding Islam Through Hadis - was put out of circulation... November 27, 1990, under the influence of the same intimidation the Delhi Administration declared that, contrary to what it had itself twice decreed, the book was not only objectionable, was deliberately and malicious so!....<br/>Our response should be three fold. First, whenever an attempt such as this from quarters such as Mr. Shahabuddin is made to stifle free speech, to kill even scholarly inquiry, we must go out of our way and immediately obtain the book....<br/>Secondly, whenever the intimidators prevail and such a book actually comes to be banned large numbers should take to reprinting it, photocopying it, to circulating it, and discussing its contents.<br/>The third thing is more necessary, and in the long run will be the complete answer to the intimidators. As long as scholars like Mr. Swarup are few, intimidators can bully weak governments into shutting them one by one. But what will they do if 1,000, scholars are to do work of the same order? This is the way to deal with intimidators. Let 1,000 scholars carry on work Mr. Swarup has pioneered. **Arun Shourie: " How should we respond?", also in: Freedom of expression – Secular Theocracy Versus Liberal Democracy (1998, edited by Sita Ram Goel) * For fifty years this bunch has been suppressing facts and inventing lies. How concerned they are about that objective of the ICHR -- to promote objective and rational research into events of our past. How does this square with the guidelines issued by their West Bengal Government in 1989…"Muslim rule should never attract any criticism. Destruction of temples by Muslim rulers and invaders should not be mentioned"? But their wholesale fabrications of the destruction of Buddhist vihars, about the non-existent "Aryan invasion" -- to question these is to be communal, chauvinist! It is this which has been the major crime of these "historians". But these are not just partisan "historians". They are nepotists of the worst kind... they are ones who have used State patronage to help each other in many, many ways... Not only are these "historians" partisan, not only are they nepotists, they are ones who have used State patronage to help each other in many, many ways… As a result, the books and pamphlets of these fellows are available in all regional languages, but the works of even Lokmanya Tilak are not available except in Marathi! **FABRICATIONS ON THE WAY TO THE FUNERAL Publication: India Connect Author: Arun Shourie Date: June 26, 1998 [http://voiceofdharma.org/indology/eminenthistorians1.html] [https://www.dharmadispatch.in/commentary/de-secularizing-indian-history-why-the-ugc-deserves-our-kudos] * All the facts ... were well known fifty years ago. With the passing of the generation that fought for Independence, with the total abandonment of looking up the record, most of all with the rise of casteist politics, they have been erased from public awareness. And that erasure has led to the predictable result: schizophrenia. To start with, those trading in Ambedkar's name and their apologists have sought to downplay the struggle for Independence: the freedom it brought is not "real", they insist. Exactly as that other group did which teamed up with the British at that crucial hour, 1942 -- the Communists. Indeed,... to justify Ambedkar's conduct his followers insist that British Rule was better... But the facts lurk in the closet. Lest they spill out and tarnish the icon they need for their politics, lest their politics be shown up for what it is -- a trade in the name of the dispossessed -- these followers of Ambedkar enforce their brand of history through verbal terrorism, and actual assault. **Arun Shourie, Worshipping False Gods, 1997, HarperCollins. ====''Indian controversies: Essays on religion in politics '' (1993) ==== :Shourie, A. (2006). Indian controversies: Essays on religion in politics. New Delhi: Rupa & Co. *The most telling illustration has been provided by the silence over the new archaeological findings. .... When the findings of the excavations which had been conducted over a decade ago became public, and these left little doubt about the fact that there had indeed been a temple at the site, archaeology itself was denounced. Papers made themselves available for tarnishing one of the most respected archaeologists in the world - the former Director General of the Archaeological Survey of India who had led those excavations. ... The lesson is plain: should such double-standards continue, Hindu opinion will become even less amenable to the minatory admonitions of our editorialists than it has already become. *Clearly, what our newsmen call 'hard-liners' have been vindicated. * As the State has been successfully bent by Sikh and Muslim communalists over the last decade, double-standards, I would say in some cases duplicity have been the hallmark of the media's treatment of events and issues. *Every single Muslim historian of medieval India lists temples which the rulers he is writing about has destroyed and the mosques he has built instead. (429) ====''Hindu temples: What happened to them (Volume I)'', 1993==== *A case in which the English version of a major book by a renowned Muslim scholar, the fourth Rector of one of the greatest centres of Islamic learning in India, listing some of the mosques, including the Babri Masjid, which were built on the sites and foundations of temples, using their stones and structures, is found to have the tell-tale passages censored out; The book is said to have become difficult to get;... Evasion, concealment, have become a national habit. And they have terrible consequences... <br/> It was a long, discursive book, I learnt, which began with descriptions of the geography, flora and fauna, languages, people and the regions of India. These were written for the Arabic speaking peoples, the book having been written in Arabic. ... A curious fact hit me in the face. Many of the persons who one would have normally expected to be knowledgeable about such publications were suddenly reluctant to recall this book. I was told, in fact, that copies of the book had been removed, for instance from the Aligarh Muslim University Library. Some even suggested that a determined effort had been made three or four years ago to get back each and every copy of this book. ....Such being the eminence of the author, such being the greatness of the work, why is it not the cynosure of the fundamentalists’’ eyes? The answer is in the chapter “Hindustan ki Masjidein”, “The Mosques of Hindustan”. ... Each reference to each of these mosques having been constructed on the sites of temples with, as in the case of the mosque at Benaras, the stones of the very temple which was demolished for that very purpose have been censored out of the English version of the book! Each one of the passages on each one of the seven mosques! No accident that. .... why would anyone have thought it necessary to remove these passages from the English version-that is the version which was more likely to be read by persons other than the faithful? Why would anyone bowdlerise the book of a major scholar in this way?... **About the removal of a book from libraries for political reasons. Arun Shourie: Hideaway Communalism (Indian Express, February 5, 1989) Quoted from Goel, Sita Ram (editor) (1993). Hindu temples: What happened to them. Volume I. *Their real significance- and I dare say that they are but the smallest, most innocuous example that one can think of on the mosque-temple business-lies in the evasion and concealment they have spurred. I have it on good authority that the passages have been known for long, and well known to those who have been stoking the Babri Masjid issue. That is the significant thing; they have known them, and their impulse has been to conceal and bury rather than to ascertain the truth....The fate of Maulana Abdul Hai’s passages-and I do, not know whether the Urdu version itself was not a conveniently sanitised version of the original Arabic volume-illustrates the cynical manner in which those who stoke the passions of religion to further their politics are going about the matter. '''Those who proceed by such cynical calculations sow havoc for all of us, for Muslims, for Hindus, for all. Those who remain silent in the face of such cynicism, such calculations help them sow the havoc. Will we shed our evasions and concealments? Will we at last learn to speak and face the whole truth?''' **About the removal of a book from libraries for political reasons. Arun Shourie: Hideaway Communalism (Indian Express, February 5, 1989) Quoted from Goel, Sita Ram (editor) (1993). Hindu temples: What happened to them. Volume I. ====''A secular agenda'', 1993==== *Upon going through the text the reader will notice how completely contrary to the facts are the cliches which are bandied about in public discourse in India, and which as a consequence so many have by now internalised.... (x) *A moment's reflection will show that India's case is not at par with the ones we have been considering. For those instances are of the most recent times - those nations were "imagined", those traditions were "invented" just a hundred or a hundred and fifty years ago. By contrast India has been seen as one and its people have had a common way of life for thousands of years. It is not just that its history is that old.... It is a continuous history. (9) *Not an enforced amnesia but an unsparing memory - that is what will build a nation. *Every sentence a lie. ... And have you ever heard the BBC refer to Nawaz Sharif as a "fundamentalist," a "fanatic"? But what would it have called Advani if he had made a statement of that kind with "Hindu" substituted for "Muslims"? ====''Missionaries in India'', 1994==== * '''I hope the reader will not just read through the examples but will also ask why it is that such material is not placed before our students. After all it is not difficult to come by, and, as the reader will agree after going through it, it has the most direct bearing on our denationalization. Yet, even though he may have considerable interest in our current problems, even though he may have been following closely the public discourse on such problems, in all probability the reader would not have come across the material. Why is this so? ''' * '''But there is an even more potent cause for the near total erasure of such material from our public discourse and our instruction. And that is the form of “secularism” which we have practised these forty-five years: a “secularism” in which double-standards have been the norm, one in which everything that may remove the dross by which our national identity has been covered has become anathema.''' * The Catholic Bishops Conference of India is the hightest body engaged in attempts to coordinate the work of different Catholic churches in India and to engage in dialogue with other religions. ... To celebrate the 50th anniversary... the CBCI convened a meeting in January 1994.... And it was an important gathering: it was only the second time in fifty years and the first time in twenty five years that such a comprehensive review was being undertaken... The organizers were so kind as to ask me to give the Hindu perception of the work of Christian missionaries in India. *And on the basis of criteria of this kind tribals were hacked off from Hindu society. One has but to read the descriptions of Animism which were relied upon to notice that they could well be describing a variety of Hindus. ;Quotes about the book *The organisers had invited Arun Shourie to give the Hindu assessment of the work of missionaries in India. Arun Shourie addressed the Archbishops, Bishops and others on 5 January 1994. ... The organisers asked Arun Shourie to write a paper based on his talk.... As the controversy snowballed... [they] invited several senior churchmen to discuss Missionaries in India on a public platform with Arun Shourie. **About the book ''Missionaries in India'' ** Shourie, Arun. Arun Shourie and his Christian Critic. (1995) *A dialogue for serving its third purpose could be held only in January 1994 when Arun Shourie, the noted journalist and scholar, was invited by the Catholic Bishops’ Conference of India (CBCI) to present a “Hindu assessment” of missionary work in India. But unfortunately for-the managers of this “dialogue”, it went out of hand and misfired. Ever since, the giant Christian establishment in India has been smarting with the hurt which Arun Shourie has caused. The uproar he has raised can be compared only with the uproar which had followed the publication of K. M. Panikkars’ Asia and Western Dominance in 1953. Missiology has been mobilizing its arsenal of apologetics and polemics in order to control the damage that has been done to Christian claims and pretensions...<br>The CBCI was celebrating the 50th anniversary of its foundation, and holding a Seminar at Ishvani Kendra, a Catholic seminary in Pune. Almost all the Catholic big-wigs in India were present when Arun Shourie gave his talk on 5 January 1994...<br>By the time the paper was fully elaborated, it had acquired the size of a book. Arun Shourie published it in early May 1994 under the title, Missionaries in India: Continuities, Changes, Dilemmas. ... Meanwhile, Arun Shourie had written several articles on the subject in his syndicated column which appears in more than a score of newspapers published in several languages all over the country. The articles evoked a lively discussion in the Maharashtra Herald of Pune. **Sita Ram Goel , History of Hindu Christian Encounters *The Christian missionary orchestra in India after independence has continued to rise from one crescendo to another with the applause of the Nehruvian establishment manned by a brood of self-alienated Hindus spawned by missionary-macaulayite education. The only rift in the lute has been K.M. Panikkar’s Asia and Western Dominance published in 1953, the Report of the Christian Missionary Activities Committee Madhya Pradesh published in 1956, Om Prakash Tyagi’s Bill on Freedom of Religion introduced in the Lok Sabha in 1978, Arun Shourie’s Missionaries in India published in 1994 and the Maharashtra Freedom of Religion Bill introduced in the Maharashtra Legislative Assembly by Mangal Prabhat Lodha, M.L.A. on 20 December 1996. **Sita Ram Goel, Vindicated by Time: The Niyogi Committee Report (1998) ====''The World of Fatwas (Or The Shariah In Action), 1995''==== *In the bookshops in the Muslim areas of our cities—for instance in the bookshops around the Jama Masjid in Delhi— the collections of fatwas fill shelves after shelves. They are put together with great care, the sort of care one associates with sacred literature. The pages are well laid out. The calligraphy is often a work of art. The volumes are beautifully bound— ever so often with gilded embossing on the covers. *'''In a word, fatwas are the shariah in action.''' *For all these reasons one would expect a host of studies on fatwas. But then one would reckon without our intellectuals. It is yet more proof of the fact that our intellectuals have seceded from our country; that there is hardly a study in either English or Urdu on the fatwas. *First, our scholars have not spared time for this vital material for the same reason on account of which they have not spared time for other things vital to our existence as a country. Most of the intellectual work in India consists in writing footnotes to work being done in the West—this has been so in the case of Marxist intellectuals even more than it is in the case of the others. And when our intellectuals are not engaged in writing these footnotes, they are busy following the fashion of the day in Western circles, busy ‘applying’, as the phrase goes, to Indian material the notion or ‘thesis’ which has become fashionable in the West. In a word, our scholarly work is derivative. So the first reason there has been no substantial study of the fatwas in India is that they have not yet caught the eye of the West. *“We should, in particular the Muslim liberal should speak the whole truth about the condition of Muslim society—for instance about the plight of women within it. And not flinch from tracing it back to its roots—the text, the laws, the ways of thinking. We should document the social practice of the Ulema [Muslim religious leaders] and of the fundamentalist politicians.…We should document what the Ulema etc. have been saying and decreeing on religious issues themselves.…We must, in particular the Muslim liberal must, take the consistently secular position on every matter—that is the only way to confront the fundamentalists, it is the surest way to bring home the alternative viewpoint to the community.…Fatwas and the rest which impinge upon the civil rights of a person are manifestly a criminal infringement of law; we should show them up as such; and join others in demanding that anyone who seeks to trample upon the rights of others by using…fatwas should be brought to book under the law. Similarly, we must expose, and work to thwart concessions by our opportunist politicians which are meant to appease, and will in the end strengthen the grip of these reactionary elements.…But it is not going to be enough to counter the Ulema, and their networks, or to show up their syllabi. As we have seen, what they proclaim, and regurgitate, and enforce is what the Koran and Hadith prescribe. Therefore, to really break the vice, liberals, and liberal Muslims in particular must examine and exhume the millenarian claims of Islam: the claims that there is only one truth, that it has been finally revealed to only one man, that it is enshrined in only one Book, that that Book is very difficult to comprehend, that the select few alone know its inner meaning, that therefore it is everyone's duty to heed them just as it is the duty of the select to make sure that everyone heeds them. In a word, the basic texts themselves have to be opened to examination.” (quoted in Bostom, A. G. (2015). Sharia versus freedom: The legacy of Islamic totalitarianism.) * The volumes of fatwas devote pages and pages to an even more exotic subject—namely, what the believer should do with an animal which has been used for intercourse. ‘What is the hukum about the animal with which a man has had sexual intercourse—what is the hukum about the animal and the man?’, asks the querist, and after due deliberation the ulema of this great ‘centre of Islamic learning’ issue a fatwa. The other matters which call forth fatwas are just as earth-shaking. <br> ‘Is a pregnant goat which has been used for intercourse halal or haram? Has one to wait for her to deliver or should she be killed and buried without waiting?’ ‘Zaid has had intercourse with a goat. What is the law in respect of her? Can we eat her flesh or drink her milk? And what is the law for him who has had the intercourse?’ ‘What is the punishment for having intercourse with a minor child or a goat?’ ‘Zaid decided to have intercourse with an animal which is halal such as a cow or a goat. He approached the animal and inserted his male member into its vagina. But there was no ejaculation. Should Zaid or other Muslims regard as halal the meat or milk of that animal? Has Zaid to do penance for this offence?’ ‘Zaid had intercourse with a cow, and then sold it. How should that money be spent? Can it be used for sadqah? And what is the punishment fo Zaid?’ ‘What is the punishment for one who has intercourse with a mare? What should be done with that mare?’ A fatwa on one and each of these matters. <br> And the answers are not always predictable, often they turn on subtle differences. It is enough for the believer who has had intercourse with an animal to do taubah, decree these men of learning, but in the usual case the animal must be killed and burnt. In the usual case, that is, its meat should not be eaten. However, to take one instance, ‘If there is no ejaculation (inside the animal) its meat and milk are halal, without question,’ rule the ulema of Dar al-Ulum, Deoband. ‘But if there is ejaculation, it is better to kill the animal and bury its flesh. No one should eat it, though it is not haram to eat it.’ [...] Finally, while others may be a bit squeamish in discussing such questions, and a little surprised at encountering them in ‘religious’ books, the ulema have no qualms about discussing such matters and laying down the law on them as much as on any other matter. They regard it as one of their functions to do so. The point is set at rest by Maulana Mufti Abdur Rahim Qadri. It transpires that a maulvi, styling himself as Hazrat Shaykh al-Islam Maulana Maulvi, published two pamphlets attacking the Hanafite jurists for holding that intercourse with an animal does not vitiate a fast, even if ejaculation takes place. He cited the great authorities of Hanafite law—Shami and the Durr-ul-Mukhtar—as having decreed this. He also chided the learned ulema for filling religious books with discussions of such topics. The writings of the maulvi were referred to Mufti Abdur Rahim Qadri for opinion. The Mufti’s elucidation takes up ten printed pages of the Fatawa-i-Rahimiyyah. On the substance of the question, the decision turns on whether the ejaculation took place upon intromission into the animal—in which case the fast is rendered void—or it took place by the man merely touching the animal’s genitals with his hands or kissing it, without using his sexual organ—in which case the fast is not vitiated. The Mufti cites authorities to nail the distinction, and he argues that the maulvi who had made the charge against the Hanafite jurists had misrepresented their rulings on the matter. * Next comes the Urdu press. It has been one of the most potent allies of, in some ways the instrument of the ulema, as we saw in reviewing the campaigns against Dr Zakir Hussain and Maulana Azad. We saw the same role and the same potency in the campaigns in 1992 against Mushirul Hasan, pro-vice-chancellor of Jamia Millia in Delhi, and Abid Reza Bedar, director of the Khuda Bakhsh Library in Patna. A shrill tone, wholesale distortions, creating echoes upon echoes of their allegations, fomenting an extreme insecurity and then presenting everything as an assault on Islam—these are its hallmarks. And they invariably end up being deployed to fortify the world view which the ulema want the community to retain. *And then there is the effect of patronage. Funds from Saudi Arabia, or Iran, or Iraq, or other ‘Islamic’ sources go to the ulema, to elements and organizations controlled by or beholden to them. The funds are almost never channelled to liberals. The Indian state is of course worse. As the ulema control the community, it is to the ulema, and to those who speak their language that the state genuflects. As the state has got weaker, the ulema have been able to press their campaigns with greater and greater ease. And in turn they have been able to fortify their hold over the community by demonstrating that it is to them that the state bends—on Shah Bano for instance; that it dare not step in their way: look at the audacity of their current campaign to set up a parallel structure of courts—the shariah courts—outside the legal system of the country. *The liberal who happens to be a Hindu is so apologetic, he has internalized sham secularism so much, he is in any case so innocent of the texts—of Islam, of Hinduism, of our laws and our Constitution—and he has internalized double standards to such an extent that he has made silence on all matters Islamic, indeed toeing the fundamentalists’ line proof of secularism. The ‘secularists’ of the English press are a ready example. They will refer to Ali Mian as ‘the moderate, universally respected Muslim leader’, without bothering to read anything he has written. They will refer to sundry muftis and maulwis as ‘Muslim divines’. They will shut their eyes tight to what organizations like the All India Muslim Personal Law Board or the All India Milli Council are doing; and will jump in to shout and scream should any agency of the state take a step to uncover their activities. Worst of all, they will, by a Pavlovian reflex, weigh in on the same side as the ulema on issues, and insist that anyone who opposes that side is ‘communal’, ‘fascist’, ‘revanchist’. The effect of such shouting is not limited to poisoning the air of discourse. Weak rulers are swayed by that air. And so public policy bends to the ulema. The latter are thus twice strengthened. *When we study the discourses of the Buddha or what Gandhiji has to say on, say, fasting, the content is all about looking within, about self-purification. But even when they deal with purely religious subjects the fatwas are all about the form to which the believer must adhere. They resemble instructions a drill sergeant gives to cadets for a parade. *While our leaders and the Supreme Court keep chanting, ‘All religions are one’; while they keep recalling the Vedic pronouncement, ‘Truth is one, only the sages call it by different names’; while they keep recalling Ashoka’s rock edict, ‘One who reveres one’s own religion and disparages that of another, due to devotion to one’s own religion and to glorify it over all others, does injure one’s own religion certainly’, the ulema proclaim the very opposite set of values, the truly Islamic values to be fair to the ulema. Thus we have Maulana Ahmad Riza Khan descend as an avalanche on persons who countenance processions in which books like the Gita and Quran are carried with equal respect; he declares that for a Muslim to even say, ‘Hindus should live by the Vedas, Muslims should live by the Quran,’ is kufr; a temple is the abode of Satans, he says, a Muslim is forbidden from going into it; to describe the Holy Quran as being like the Veda is kufr; to say that Hindus should live by the Veda is to ask people to follow kufr, and to ask people to follow kufr is kufr... *The fatwas reflect this belief in double standards. The differential attitude to conversion and apostasy illustrates this vividly. Islam regards it as a right and duty to convert persons from other religions. The ulema vehemently insist on it....Exactly the same position holds in regard to doing something or refraining from doing something out of regard for the other person’s religious sentiments.....An even more vivid instance is the stance in regard to the continuation of religious practices. It is the right and duty of a Muslim to carry on his religious rituals. ...Under no circumstances can the Islamic ruler give permission to kafirs to continue their religious rites, declares the Fatawa-i-Rizvia, and asks: shall he permit them to practise their kufr and thereby himself become a kafir?...It adds that there are several Hadis to the effect that no non-Muslim should remain in the Arab island...So, no non-Muslim shall be allowed to stay in the Arab island, but if a Bangladeshi who has entered India illegally is asked to leave, that is an assault on Islam!...Similarly, even today in no Islamic state can teachers in a school impart religious education of their faith to non-Muslim children...No restriction can be tolerated on teaching of the Quran and on religious instruction, declares Kifayatullah. ...And yet if we were to go by secularist discourse there is no religion which has abolished distinctions as Islam has, there is no religion which treats all equally as Islam does! *In the face of all this those who continue to assert, ‘Shariah has safeguarded the rights of women like no other system of law has,’ do so only because of their confidence that no one but them has read the texts of shariah. *And yet we must believe, on pain of being communal, that no system of law has guaranteed as many rights to women as shariah, that no religion is as solicitous of them as Islam. ... The argument can fool no one but the determined apologist. *That is not just the shariah as enforced by the fatwas. As our governments have not acted upon the directive of the Constitution to enact a Uniform Civil Code, that is the law of secular India enforced by our courts! * It is not the occasion but the ulema’s assessment of women per se which is of interest, for it pervades the fatwas through and through. ‘For the Quran says,’ declare the ulema of Deoband settling a matter to which we shall soon turn, ‘the husband is the master.’ .... And among these kafirs there are gradations, Maulana Ahmad Riza Khan declares: one hard kind of basic kufr is Christianity; worse than it is Magianism; worse than that is idolatry; worse than that is Wahabiyat; and worse than all these and more wicked is Deobandiyat... * And so on indefinitely. The effect of all this will be obvious: when you take a problem to them, the ulema can facilitate your way or thwart it by invoking one authority rather than the other. Simultaneously they, joined this time by the apologist, will insist that we, in particular the non-Muslims, must never cease to believe that the shariah is a clear and definite code, that it is a divinely ordained, and therefore an eternal and unchanging code! *Two features would by now be obvious: (1) far from being a clear and definite code, the shariah is ambiguous; (2) it is ambiguous on the entire spectrum of issues. Two operational consequences follow: (1) this ambiguity is one of the bases for the unrivalled power of the ulema; (2) the ulema therefore sabotage every effort to codify the shariah as zealously as they fight back every effort to replace it by a modern code common to all. *That is why Maulana Ahmad Riza Khan is only being true to the Faith when, as we saw at the beginning of the chapter, he says that the glory of Islam consists in having science bend to it, not in its bending to science. What holds for science holds a fortiori for mere historical ‘facts’—of whether there have been a hundred Caliphs or twelve. * The earth is stationary. The sun revolves around it. The stars are stationary, hung as lamps by Allah to guide travellers, and to stone the Devil. To believe anything contrary to all this is to betray The Faith. Men are the masters. Each may keep up to four wives at a time and as many concubines ‘as the right hand holds’. The wives are fields which the husband may or may not ‘irrigate’ as he will. The husband can bind them to obeying his merest whim on pain of being divorced. If he is still not satisfied, he can throw them out with one word. Upon being thrown out they are to be entitled to bare sustenance—but only for three months, and nothing at all beyond that. To see any inequity in this, to demand anything more for the women is to question the wisdom of Allah, it is to strike at Islam. To urinate while standing, to fail to do istinja in the prescribed way, to fail to believe that the saliva of a dog is napaak and his body paak—these are grave sins. To ask for the well-being of a kafir, be he ever so saintly, even upon his death, to fail to believe that a Muslim, be he ever so sinful, is better than a kafir, be the latter ever so virtuous, is kufr itself. Such is the mindset of the ulema. It pervades their rulings on all aspects of life. *Education is central to advancement—of the country, of the individual. But the ulema have fought hard and long against what most today would consider education. For them religious education must take priority over modern, technical education. Only those subjects are to be studied, only that knowledge is to be imparted which strengthens one’s faith— in practical terms, only those subjects are to be studied, only that knowledge pursued which confirms one in the belief that whatever is written in the Quran and Hadis, whatever has been put out by the ulema over the centuries is true and the acme of wisdom as well as perfection. The education of women, in particular their being awakened to new values, their being trained for new professions, their being awakened to their rights—all this is anathema; it is held to be injurious to them, in fact it is declared to be the way to disrupting society and undermining Islam. *Is an institution the Indian history course of which covers only the period from the raids of Mahmud Ghaznavi to 1947, the geography course of which focuses on the Arabian peninsula, an institution of and for India? *Predictably, in Maulana Ahmad Riza Khan’s reckoning the Shias are not Muslims at all. Their ‘mosques’ are not mosques—and remember, as Mir Baqi and his descendants, the mutwallis of the mosque were Shias, the ‘Babri masjid’ was a Shia mosque. *‘Arrey bhai, but why don’t you write on Hindu fatwas?,’—that from a prominent intellectual who carries a haloed name. There is nothing like the fatwa among Hindus—but surely even our intellectuals know that. The point of such admonitions is different. In this view of the matter, a Hindu should stay clear of writing on Islam. Rather, that if he writes about matters Islamic or Muslim, he should only pen Hosannas—’the religion of tolerance, equality...’—he should only write books ‘understanding’, that is explaining away the ‘Muslim mind’. At the least, if he just has to allude to some unfortunate drawback in it, he must attribute it to some special time and place and exculpate Islam from it! Even more important, he must make sure that he ‘balances’ his remark about that point in Islam with denunciation about something in Hinduism, anything—the caste system, dowry deaths, looking upon foreigners as malechh, at least sati if nothing else fits the bill! *So, who is offended? Who is humiliated by the fatwas being reproduced and analysed? It is the secularist. And the reason is manifest. He has no answer in the face of this evidence, in the face of the express and emphatic commands of the Quran and the Prophet, in the face of the repeated and absolutely explicit declarations contained in the fatwas. He has no evidence with which to counter these. But when what they say is brought out on the table, he cannot sustain his inverted ‘secularism’. As long as these things are confined to Urdu they do not inconvenience him in his circle. But the moment they are out in English he is pinned. And so he feigns offence! What is the answer? To go on setting out the facts. To go on analysing them. In the faith that abuse shall not bury evidence. In the faith that ideas are seeds, that they shall take root. *In Bangladesh, with the gallop towards Islamization, the rapid spread of Tablighi Jamaat, the ever-widening reach and influence of fundamentalist organizations like the Hizb-ut-Tahrir and the Hizb-ut-Tauhid, Shariah Committees sprang up in several parts of the country. Fatwas became ever more frequent. They were often issued by the local mullahs in rural areas, and ever so often the victims were women who had in fact been victims of violence, rape and the rest.... * To put the blame on Muslim journalism and leadership is in a sense to beg the question. After all, why do Muslims prize this kind of journalism, why do they follow such leaders? The answer is in the psychology which the ulema and their fatwas have drilled into them. *To even say, ‘What is shariah? Does anyone go by shariah today?’, is kufr, declares the Fatawa-i-Rizvia. Even if the words have been uttered to taunt others, they constitute a grave sin. To say, ‘We do not recognize shariah, we go by custom,’ is kufr, it declares. The ulema issue a fatwa prohibiting Muslims from joining processions of polytheists. A man says, ‘Issuing a fatwa not to join processions of polytheists, etc., is sheer lathbazi.’ The utterance is reported to the ulema. The utterance constitutes denigration of shariah, the Fatawa-i-Rizvia rules, and denigration of shariah is kufr. The man’s wife is free of his nikah. ... To question ijma (consensus) or taqlid (literal adherence) is kufr, they declare. ... Not to believe in Fiqh is kufr, they declare. He who does not accept Fiqh is Satan, they declare. *‘The parents who send their daughters to college are the enemies of their daughters, not their friends,’ the Fatawa-i-Rahimiyyah declares, citing authorities to the effect that the friend is one who prepares one for the Hereafter, though doing so may inflict worldly loss. ‘There is no doubt,’ it declares, ‘that a collegiate girl becomes extremely free, purdahless, immodest and shameless. This is the general consequence of English education and college atmosphere.’ And ‘A girl who loses modesty loses everything,’ it says, citing the Hadis, ‘Modesty and faith—they are inseparable companions; when either of them is taken away, the other too goes away.’ * The condescension, the picture which is drawn of Hindus and other non-believers, their being clubbed with animals and vermin—any text doing this in the case of Muslims would call forth howls of denunciation. From the secularists as much as from Muslims. ====''Worshipping False Gods'' (1997)==== *There is not one instance, not one single, solitary instance in which [[Ambedkar]] participated in any activity connected with the struggle to free the country. Quite the contrary- at every possible turn he opposed the campaigns of the national movement, at every setback to the movement he was among those cheering for failure. *Did India ever stand in need of reformers? Do you read the history of India? Who was [[Ramanuja]]? Who was [[Shankara]]? Who was [[Nanak]]? Who was [[Chaitanya]]? Who was [[Kabir]]? Who was [[Dadu]]? Who were all these great preachers, one following the other, a galaxy of stars of the first magnitude? *In a word, denunciation, condemnation, calumnizing the gods and goddesses, pouring ridicule on our scriptures, sowing hatred in the followers is the course Ambedkar adopted. But it was not the only course available. Earlier one of the greatest of reformers of the last hundred and fifty years had adopted the exact opposite course, and thereby accomplished both— he had lifted the lives of millions, and at the same time he had transformed and raised our society. That reformer was from a caste which was not just untouchable but unapproachable— the reformer of course was Narayan Guru, who lived from 1854 to 1928. *He did not heckle and spit at our tradition as an outsider. He never made truck with the conquerors and subjugators of India. He attained the highest states of spiritual awareness by immersing himself in the teachings of the Upanishads. He attained those states by practising the austerities and following the methods which our great seers had uncovered. As he attained these states, his entire life became a refutation of the claims of the orthodox as to their superiority, his beatific state became a refutation of the assertions of the orthodox that the esoteric lore was closed to the lower castes. And as he had attained those states, he received universal homage. *The legacy of [[Narayan Guru]] is a society elevated, in accord, the lower castes educated and full of dignity and a feeling of self-worth. The legacy of Ambedkar is a bunch screaming at everyone, a bunch always demanding and denouncing, a bunch mired in self-pity and hatred, a society at war with itself. The legacy of Narayan Guru is a country rejuvenated. The legacy of Ambedkar is a country with a deepened sense of shame in its entire past. And thereby further disabled. ====''Freedom of expression – Secular Theocracy Versus Liberal Democracy'' (1998) ==== *"Secularists" are unnerved by the reaction [[L. K. Advani|Advani]]'s rath has evoked among Hindus. But it is not the rath which evoked it. The "victories" in having [[w:Shah Bano|Shah Bano]] reversed, in having [[Rushdie]] banned - "victories" which were loudly applauded by the "secularists"; the success in convincing political parties - which maps and lists - that Muslims would decide their fate in hundreds of constituencies; to say nothing of the "victories" of the violence in Punjab and [[Kashmir]] - the reaction is the cumulative result of these distortions in our polity. ** Fomenting Reaction by Arun Shourie, also in Goel, S.R. (ed.) : Freedom of Expression - Secular Theocracy Versus Liberal Democracy [http://web.archive.org/web/20140826192129/http://www.bharatvani.org/books/foe/ch10.htm] ====''Eminent Historians: Their Technology, Their Line, Their Fraud'' (1998) ==== *In June–July 1998, progressives kicked up quite a racket. The government has packed the Indian Council of Historical Research with pro–Ram Mandir historians, they shouted. It has surreptitiously altered the aims and objectives of the Council, they shouted. As is their wont, they had sparked the commotion by giving wind to a concoction. As is their wont too, they were charging others with planning to do in some undefined future what they had themselves been actually doing for decades – that is, write history to a purpose. *The most extensive deletions are ordered in regard to the chapter on ‘Aurangzeb’s policy on religion’. Every allusion to what he actually did to the Hindus, to their temples, to the very leitmotif of his rule – to spread the sway of Islam – are directed to be excised from the book. He is to be presented as one who had an aversion – an ordinary sort of aversion, almost a secular one – to music and dancing, to the presence of prostitutes in the court, and that it is these things he banished... In a word, no forcible conversions, no massacres, no destruction of temples. Just that Hinduism had created an exploitative, casteist society. Islam was egalitarian. Hence the oppressed Hindus embraced Islam!<br/> Muslim historians of those times are in raptures at the heap of kafirs who have been dispatched to hell. Muslim historians are forever lavishing praise on the ruler for the temples he has destroyed, for the hundreds of thousands he has got to see the light of Islam. Law books like The Hedaya prescribe exactly the options to which these little textbooks alluded. '''All whitewashed away.'''<br/>'''Objective whitewash for objective history. And today if anyone seeks to restore truth to these textbooks, the shout, ‘Communal rewriting of history’.''' *The real crime of these eminences does not lie in the loss they have inflicted in terms of money. It lies in the condition to which they have reduced institutions. It lies in their dereliction – because of which projects that were important for our country have languished. It lies even more in the use to which they have put those institutions.<br/>They have used them to have a comfortable time, of course. They have used them to puff up each other’s reputations, of course. But the worst of it is that they have used their control of these institutions to pervert public discourse, and thereby derail public policy.<br/> They have made India out to have been an empty land, filled by successive invaders. '''They have made present-day India, and Hinduism even more so, out to be a zoo – an agglomeration of assorted, disparate specimens. No such thing as ‘India’, just a geographical expression, just a construct of the British; no such thing as Hinduism, just a word used by Arabs to describe the assortment they encountered, just an invention of the communalists to impose a uniformity – that has been their stance. For this they have blackened the Hindu period of our history, and, as we shall see, strained to whitewash the Islamic period.''' They have denounced ancient India’s social system as the epitomy of oppression, and made totalitarian ideologies out to be egalitarian and just.<br/>They have belittled our ancient culture and exaggerated syncretistic elements which survived and made them out to have been an entire ‘culture’, the ‘composite culture’ as they call it. Which culture isn’t? And all the while they have taken care to hide the central facts about these common elements in the life of our people: that they had survived in spite of the most strenuous efforts spread over a thousand years of Islamic rulers and the ulema to erase them, that they had survived in spite of the sustained efforts during the last one hundred and fifty years of the missionaries and British rulers to make us forget and shed these elements, that the elements had survived their efforts to instead inflame each section to see its ‘identity’ and essence in factors which, if internalized, would set it apart. Most of all, these intellectuals and the like have completely diverted public view from the activities in our own day of organizations like the Tabhligi jamaat and the Church which are exerting every nerve, and deploying uncounted resources to get their adherents to discard every practice and belief which they share with their Hindu neighbours.<br/> These intellectuals and their patrons have worked a diabolic inversion: the inclusive religion, the pluralist spiritual search of our people and land, they have projected as intolerant, narrow-minded, obscurantist; and the exclusivist, totalitarian, revelatory religions and ideologies – Islam, Christianity, Marxism-Leninism – they have made out to be the epitomes of tolerance, open-mindedness, democracy, secularism! *And another thing: if an RSS publication publishes even an interview with me, that is further proof of my being communal; but so tough are the hymen of these progressives that, even when they contribute signed articles to publications of the Communist Party, their virginity remains intact! *As we have seen, the explicit part of the circular issued by the West Bengal government in 1989 in effect was that there must be no negative reference to Islamic rule in India. Although these were the very things which contemporary Islamic writers had celebrated, there must be no reference to the destruction of the temples by Muslim rulers, to the forcible conversion of Hindus, to the numerous other disabilities which were placed on the Hindu population. Along with the circular, the passages which had to be removed were listed and substitute passages were specified. The passages which were ordered to be deleted contained, if anything, a gross understatement of the facts. On the other hand, passages which were sought to be inserted contained total falsehoods: that by paying jizyah Hindus could lead ‘normal lives’ under an Islamic ruler like Alauddin Khalji! A closer study of the textbooks which are today being used under the authority of the West Bengal government shows a much more comprehensive, a much deeper design than that of merely erasing the cruelties of Islamic rule. *The position of these ‘academics’ in Bengal has, of course, been helped by the fact that the CPI(M) has been in power there for so long. But their sway has not been confined to the teaching and ‘research’ institutions of that state. It is no surprise, therefore, to see the same ‘line’ being poured down the throats of students at the national level. And so strong is the tug of intellectual fashion, so lethal can the controlling mafia be to the career of an academic that often, even though the academic may not quite subscribe to their propositions and ‘theses’, he will end up reciting those propositions. Else his manuscript will not be accepted as a textbook by the NCERT, for instance, it will not be reviewed…. *Notice the sleight of hand. The repair of temples is allowed! Temples can be constructed in villages! Temples can be constructed ‘within the privacy of homes’! Thus ‘liberal policy’ is the norm which is departed from only in times of war! And the ones who are fought and destroyed at such times are in any case ‘the enemies of Islam’! In times of peace, which are the times that prevailed normally, the norm prevails – that is, ‘the Hindus practice their religion openly and ostentatiously!’ Each of these assertions is a blatant falsehood. But these historians, having, through their control of institutions, set the standards of intellectual correctness, the one who questions the falsehoods, even though he does so by citing the writings of the best known Islamic historians of those very times, he is the one who is in the wrong. *Once they had occupied academic bodies, once they had captured universities and thereby determined what will be taught, which books will be prescribed, what questions would be asked, what answers will be acceptable, these historians came to decide what history had actually been! As it suits their current convenience and politics to make out that Hinduism also has been intolerant, they will glide over what Ambedkar says about the catastrophic effect that Islamic invasions had on Buddhism, they will completely suppress what he said of the nature of these invasions and of Muslim rule in his Thoughts on Pakistan,3 but insist on reproducing his denunciations of ‘Brahmanism’, and his view that the Buddhist India established by the Mauryas was systematically invaded and finished by Brahmin rulers.<br/>Thus, they suppress facts, they concoct others, they suppress what an author has said on one matter even as they insist that what he has said on another be taken as gospel truth. And when anyone attempts to point out what had in fact happened, they rise in chorus: a conspiracy to rewrite history, they shout, a plot to distort history, they scream. '''But they are the ones who have been distorting it in the first place – by suppressing the truth, by planting falsehoods.''' *And look at the finesse of these historians. They maintain that such facts and narratives must be swept under the carpet in the interest of national integration: recalling them will offend Muslims, they say, doing so will sow rancour against Muslims in the minds of Hindus, they say. Simultaneously, they insist on concocting the myth of Hindus destroying Buddhist temples. Will that concoction not distance Buddhists from Hindus? Will that narrative, specially when it does not have the slightest basis in fact, not embitter Hindus? *In regard to matter after critical matter – the Aryan-Dravidian divide, the nature of Islamic invasions, the nature of Islamic rule, the character of the freedom struggle – we find this trait – suppresso veri, suggesto falsi. This is the real scandal of history writing in the last thirty years. And it has been possible for these ‘eminent historians’ to perpetrate it because they acquired control of institutions like the ICHR. To undo the falsehood, the control has to be undone. *And so on – among the highest piles of rubble in the world of the sacred temples of another religion, among the highest piles of corpses of those venerated by another religion. Yet, in the reckoning of our eminent historians a policy of ‘Broad Toleration’! A policy of toleration guided by purely secular motivations! *But here in India a simplistic recitation of the earlier phrases and categories remained enough. It is not just fidelity to the masters, therefore, which characterizes the history writing by these eminences. It is a simple-mindedness!<br/>But there is an additional factor. Whitewashing the Islamic period is not the only feature which characterizes the work of these historians. There is in addition a positive hatred for the pre-Islamic period and the traditions of the country. Over the years entries about India in Soviet encyclopedias, for instance, became more and more ductile. They began to acknowledge ever so hesitantly that the categories and periods might need to be nuanced when they were extended to countries like China and India. They began to acknowledge that at various times there had been an overlapping and coexistence of different ‘stages’. And, perhaps for diplomatic reasons alone, they became increasingly circumspect – careful to avoid denigrating our traditions.<br/>In the standard two-volume Soviet work, A History of India, for instance, we find more or less the same characterization of the different periods in Indian histories as we do in the volumes of our eminent historians. But the Soviet volumes have none of the scorn and animosity which we have encountered in the volumes of our eminent historians. *Thus, there are two points to remember. First, our friends are not just Marxists, they are also Macaulayites. Second, they are Marxists in a special sense. They are Marxists in the sense that they have thought of themselves as Marxists, in the sense that they repeatedly regurgitate a handful of Marxist phrases and assertions. But more than being Marxist historians, they have been establishment historians. Their theories and ‘theses’ have accorded not just with the ‘classics’ of Marxism-Leninism, they have accorded with the ideology of, which in terms of their theory means, the needs of Congressite rulers. *Caste is real. The working class is real. Being a Naga is real. '''But ‘India is just a geographical expression!’''' Similarly, being a Muslim of course is real – Islam must be seen and talked of as one block of granite – ... '''But Hinduism? Why, there is no such thing: it is just an aggregation, a pile of assorted beliefs and practices''' – ... '''And anyone who maintains anything to the contrary is a fascist out to insinuate a unity, indeed to impose a uniformity, where there has been none.''' That is what our progressive ideologues declaim, as we have seen. In a word, the parts alone are real. The whole is just a construct. India has never been one, these ideologues insist – disparate peoples and regions were knocked together by the Aryans, by the Mughals, by the British for purposes of empire. Anyone who wants to use that construct – India – as the benchmark for determining the sort of structure under which we should live has a secret agenda – of enforcing Hindu hegemony.<br/>This is the continuance of, in a sense the culmination of, the [[Macaulay]]-Missionary technique. The British calculated that to subjugate India and hold it, they must undermine the essence of the people: this was Hinduism, and everything which flowed from it. Hence the doggedness with which they set about to undermine the faith and regard of the people for five entities: the gods and goddesses the Hindus revered; the temples and idols in which they were enshrined; the texts they held sacred; the language in which those texts and everything sacred in that tradition was enshrined and which was even in mid-nineteenth-century the lingua franca – that is, Sanskrit; and the group whose special duty it had been over aeons to preserve that way of life – the Brahmins. The other component of the same exercise was to prop up the parts – the non-Hindus, the regional languages, the castes and groups which they calculated would be the most accessible to the missionaries and the empire – the innocent tribals, the untouchables. *The situation thus is as follows: the ones who have dominated and controlled and terrorised public discourse for half a century in India are now bereft of facts, of arguments. The evidence is available to anyone who has access to their internal ‘dialogues’ – they are talking to narrower and narrower circles; and in these ever-shrinking circles, they are just repeating the old cliches, there is not a new idea, there is not a new fact. And that is predictable, as we have seen: regurgitating those nostrums of the theory is not just necessary, it is sufficient. *‘I would like to review your book myself,’ said the editor of one of our principal newspapers about Worshipping False Gods. ‘But if I praise it, they will be after me also. I too will be called communal, high-caste and all that.’ ‘Brilliant, Arun, it was fascinating,’ said a leading commentator who had written a review that inclined to the positive. ‘But, you’ll understand, I couldn’t say all that in print. But it really is brilliant. How do you manage to put in this much work?’ The very selection of reviewers tells the same story. If there is a book by a leftist, editors will be loath to give it to a person of a different point of view: ‘They will say, I have deliberately given it to a rightist,’ the editors are liable to explain. On the other hand, if it is a book by a person they have decided is a rightist, they will be loath to give it to a reviewer who also has been branded a rightist: ‘They will denounce me for deliberately giving the book to a person who is bound to praise it,’ they will bleat. Therefore, in such cases they deliberately give the book to a person who ‘is bound to condemn it’! *Furthermore, we are instructed, when we do come across instances of temple destruction, as in the case of Aurangzeb, we have to be circumspect in inferring what has happened and why.... the early monuments – like the Quwwat-ul-Islam mosque in Delhi – had to be built in ‘great haste’, we are instructed...Proclamation of political power, alone! And what about the religion which insists that religious faith is all, that the political cannot be separated from the religious? And the name: the Quwwat-ul-Islam mosque, the Might of Islam mosque? Of course, that must be taken to be mere genuflection! And notice: ‘available materials were assembled and incorporated’, they ‘clearly came from Hindu sources’ – may be the materials were just lying about; may be the temples had crumbled on their own earlier; may be the Hindus voluntarily broke their temples and donated the materials? No? After all, there is no proof they didn’t! And so, the word ‘plundered’ is repeatedly put within quotation marks!<br/>In fact, there is more. The use of such materials – from Hindu temples – for constructing Islamic mosques is part of ‘a process of architectural definition and accommodation by local workmen essential to the further development of a South Asian architecture for Islamic use’. The primary responsibility thus becomes that of those ‘local workmen’ and their ‘accommodation’. Hence, features in the Qutb complex come to ‘demonstrate a creative response by architects and carvers to a new programme’. A mosque that has clearly used materials, including pillars, from Hindu temples, in which undeniably ‘in the fabric of the central dome, a lintel carved with Hindu deities has been turned around so that its images face into the rubble wall’ comes ‘not to fix the rule’. ‘Rather, it stands in contrast to the rapid exploration of collaborative and creative possibilities – architectural, decorative, and synthetic – found in less fortified contexts.’ Conclusions to the contrary have been ‘misevaluations’. We are making the error of ‘seeing salvaged pieces’ – what a good word that, ‘salvaged ’: the pieces were not obtained by breaking down temples; they were lying as rubble and would inevitably have disintegrated with the passage of time; instead they were ‘salvaged ’, and given the honour of becoming part of new, pious buildings – ‘seeing salvaged pieces where healthy collaborative creativity was producing new forms’. *And yet, none of this is accidental. As we have seen in the texts that we have surveyed in this book, it is all part of a line. India turns out to be a recent construct. It turns out to be neither a country nor a nation. Hinduism turns out to be an invention – surprised at the word? You won’t be a few pages hence – of the British in the late nineteenth century. Simultaneously, it has always been inherently intolerant. Pre-Islamic India was a den of iniquity, of oppression. Islamic rule liberated the oppressed. It was in this period that the Ganga-Jamuna culture, the ‘composite culture’ of India was formed, with Amir Khusro as the great exponent of it, and the Sufi savants as the founts. The sense of nationhood did not develop even in that period. It developed only in response to British rule, and because of ideas that came to us from the West. But even this – the sense of being a country, of being a nation, such as it was – remained confined to the upper crust of Indians. It is the communists who awakened the masses to awareness and spread these ideas among them.<br/>In a word, India is not real – only the parts are real. Class is real. Religion is real – not the threads in it that are common and special to our religions but the aspects of religion that divide us, and thus ensure that we are not a nation, a country, those elements are real. Caste is real. Region is real. Language is real – actually, that is wrong: the line is that languages other than Sanskrit are real; Sanskrit is dead and gone; in any case, it was not, the averments in the great scholar, Horace Wilson to the House of Commons Select Committee notwithstanding, that it was the very basis, the living basis of other languages of the country; rather, it was the preserve of the upper layer, the instrument of domination and oppression; one of the vehicles of perpetuating false consciousness among the hapless masses. *The West Bengal Board of Secondary Education had issued instructions in 1989 that ‘Muslim rule should never attract any criticism. Destruction of temples by Muslim rulers and invaders should not be mentioned.’ *Their deceitful role in Ayodhya – which in the end harmed their clients more than anyone else – was just symptomatic. For fifty years this bunch has been suppressing facts and inventing lies. How concerned they pretend to be today about that objective of the ICHR – to promote objective and rational research into events of our past! How does this concern square with the guidelines issued by their West Bengal government in 1989 which Outlook itself had quoted – ‘Muslim rule should never attract any criticism. Destruction of temples by Muslim rulers and invaders should not be mentioned?’ But incorporating their wholesale fabrications of the destruction of Buddhist viharas, about the non-existent ‘Aryan invasion’, that is mandatory – to question them is to be communal, chauvinist! The capture of institutions like the ICHR has been bad enough, but in the end it has been a device. The major crime of these ‘historians’ has been this partisanship: suppresso veri, suggesto falsi. *The press is a ready example of their efforts, and of the skills they have acquired in this field. They have taken care to steer their members and sympathizers into journalism. And within journalism, they have paid attention to even marginal niches. Consider books. A book by one of them has but to reach a paper, and suggestions of names of persons who would be specially suitable for reviewing it follow. As I mentioned, the editor who demurs, and is inclined to send the book to a person of a different hue is made to feel guilty, to feel that he is deliberately ensuring a biased, negative review. That selecting a person from their list may be ensuring a biased acclamation is talked out. The pressures of prevailing opinion are such, and editors so eager to evade avoidable trouble, that they swiftly select one of the recommended names...<br/>You have only to scan the books pages of newspapers and magazines over the past fifty years to see what a decisive effect even this simple stratagem has had. Their persons were in vital positions in the publishing houses: and so their kind of books were the ones that got published. They then reviewed, and prescribed each other’s books. On the basis of these publications and reviews they were able to get each other positions in universities and the like…. Even positions in institutions which most of us would not even suspect exist were put to intense use. How many among us would know of an agency of government which determines bulk purchases of books for government and other libraries. But they do! So that if you scan the kinds of books this organization has been ordering over the years, you will find them to be almost exclusively the shades of red and pink....<br/>So, their books are selected for publication. They review each other’s books. Reputations are thereby built. Posts are thereby garnered. A new generation of students is weaned wearing the same pair of spectacles – and that means yet another generation of persons in the media, yet another generation of civil servants, of teachers in universities…. *The example we would do well to keep in front of us is that of the Dalai Lama. He was giving a discourse on a Tibetan text about meditation. He read out a sentence, laughed and remarked, ‘Buddhist theories of creation, a disgrace! Must throw them out!’ He advises that we should keep a wastepaper basket nearby – whatever doesn’t accord with what we know now, we should cast into that basket. ‘Buddhism must face facts,’ that is what he teaches. Accordingly, he has opened Buddhist texts to minute examination. (...) That reflects confidence in one’s tradition. That is true service to the tradition. That is the way to preserve for the future ‘the pearl of great price’ in it. * But today the fashion is to ascribe the extinction of Buddhism to the persecution of Buddhists by Hindus, to the destruction of their temples by the Hindus. One point is that the Marxist historians who have been perpetrating this falsehood have not been able to produce even an iota of evidence to substantiate the concoction. In one typical instance, Romila Thapar had cited three inscriptions. The indefatigable [[Sita Ram Goel]] looked them up. Two of these turned out to have absolutely no connection with Buddhist viharas or their destruction, and the one that did deal with an object being destroyed had been held by authorities to have been a concoction; in any event, it told a story which was as different from what the historian had insinuated as day from night. *The accompanying pages contain two columns: aushuddho – impurity, or error – and shuddho. One has just to glance through the changes to see the objective the progressives are trying to achieve through their ‘objective’, ‘rational’ approach to the writing of history. *Thus, not just whitewash, hogwash too. ;About the book * The first major criticism of the ‘left-liberal’ or ‘progressive’ historians was made by Arun Shourie with special reference to the state of the ICHR in their control.” **D. K. Chakrabarti, Nationalism in the Study of Ancient Indian History (Aryan Books International, Delhi). and quoted in [https://koenraadelst.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-case-of-good-nationalism-dk.html] *“Eminent historians” is what they call one another, and what their fans call them. When they don’t have an answer to an opponent’s arguments, they pompously dismiss him as not having enough “eminence”. So when Arun Shourie wrote about some abuses in this sector, he called his book Eminent Historians. It is also a pun on an old book about prominent colonial-age personalities, Eminent Victorians. **Elst, K. [https://koenraadelst.blogspot.com/2016/05/interview-in-monthly-swarajya.html Interview, Swarajya, May 2016)] ===2000s=== ====''Harvesting our souls: Missionaries, their design, their claims'' (2000) ==== *If you had been in India in late 1998-early 1999, and the English-language "national" newspapers had been your source of information about what was going on, you would have concluded that an extensive, well coordinated pogrom was on, that maniacal Hindu groups were going round raping nuns, attacking missionaries, burning down churches. (p 7) *There indeed was a conspiracy it runs out, and a communal one at that. The whole thing was a concoction - by those whose agenda it is to paint Hindus as communalists on the rampage, and the RSS, BJP, etc., as organizations which are orchestrating a "pogrom". "Investigations, however revealed that what Sister Mary said in the FIR was not true," records Justice Wadhwa. "It was a made-up story. Investigations found that there was in fact no rape of Sister Mary... B.B. Panda, Director General of Police stated that the 'rape of the nun' case was projected and highlighted all over the world and was also projected as an attack on Christians when in fact it was not true, and the case turned out to be false." (9-10) *The contrast between the truth about the incidents and what they were made out to be should alert our newspapers and TV channels not to shoot off accounts without examining the facts. In particular, they must not go merely by the allegations of communalism-mongers.(13) *Several groups have several reasons for manufacturing calumny - from money to idelogy to the crassest kind of politics. Many of these are well-organized, some, as we shall see, have well-knit, world-wide networks. And they have honed expertise in manufacturing atrocity-stories, in broadcasting them round the globe, and in putting their manufactures to profitable use. (13) *High priority must be given to work among Hindu women, they say, "since they are the custodians of the faith"... (62) ====''Self-Deception : India's China Policies; Origins, Premises, Lessons'' (2008) ==== :Arun Shourie - Self-Deception _ India's China Policies_ Origins, Premises, Lessons-Harper Collins (2008, 2013) * The brutal—the customarily brutal—way in which the Chinese government suppressed the protests by Tibetans in Lhasa in the months preceding the 2008 Beijing Olympics once again drew attention to the enormous crime that the world has refused to see: the systematic way in which an entire people have been reduced to a minority in their own land; the cruelty with which they are being crushed; the equally systematic way in which their religion and ancient civilization are being erased. Protests by Tibetans in different cities across the world, joined as they were by large numbers of citizens of those countries, had the same effect.<br>No government anywhere in the world did what the Manmohan Singh government did in Delhi, no government reacted in as craven and as frightened a manner as our government did. The Olympic Torch was to be relayed across just about two kilometres—from Vijay Chowk to India Gate. The government stationed over twenty thousand troops, paramilitary personnel, policemen and plainclothes men in and around that short stretch. Tibetan refugees were beaten and sequestered. Government offices were closed. Roads were blocked. The Metro was shut down. Even members of Parliament were stopped from going to their homes through the square that adjoins Parliament, the Vijay Chowk.<br>Do you think that any of this was done out of love for the Olympics?<br>It was done out of fear of China. *Now, this is a favourite phrase of Panditji—‘the long-term view’—as is ‘the larger considerations’. Whenever he deploys the former, you can be sure that he is preparing the case for ceding ground. Whenever he deploys the latter, you can be sure that he is preparing the case for ceding specifically the country’s interest. *Recall, what he had told the Tibetans—that India would help diplomatically. That help now has come to mean that India will keep China in good humour even as it crushes Tibet, so that it may not crush Tibet more swiftly. *We can see the operational conclusion that flows from such reasoning. As the main advance has halted, there is nothing that we need to do. When the main advance resumes, the full picture is not clear. When it is completed, and the place is subjugated, there is nothing for us to do as, by then, the place has already been subjugated. For us to do or say anything will only enrage the occupiers, and bring even greater hardship on the poor Tibetans! *He speaks at length, that is, but scarcely touches on any of the specific matters that members had raised. *The view that he disapproves is always unbalanced; or stuck in the past; or stuck in the cold war mould; or subjective and emotional... *The Dalai Lama is in India at India’s invitation. Panditji meets him on 26 and 28 November 1956. The Dalai Lama is distraught. Panditji jots down the points of their exchange. The Dalai Lama puts the figure of Chinese troops in Tibet at 120,000, the very figure for which Panditji had come down on Apa Pant. The [[w:Subimal Dutt|foreign secretary]] inserts a paragraph in Panditji’s notings about the talks: ‘The Dalai Lama appealed to India for help. PM’s reply was that, apart from other considerations, India was not in a position to give any effective help to Tibet; nor were other countries in a position to do so. Dalai Lama should not resist land reforms.’ Instead of help, Panditji gives advice. He records the advice he gives: ‘D.L. should become the leader of the reform. Best way we can help is by maintaining friendly relations with China, otherwise China would fear our designs in Tibet.’ An excuse, and a presumptuous one—‘otherwise China would fear our designs in Tibet.’ *As the principal object of this brief book is to set out the evolution of India’s China-policy in Panditji’s own words, and to show how those assumptions and habits continue to endanger us today, I have kept annotations to the minimum. But what Panditji did and said and wrote in regard to China does deserve to be analyzed almost at the psychological and linguistic level! For his stance, his formulations, his rationalizations are rooted in habits, in mental processes. Not just his assumptions and premises persist among policy-makers, those very habits and mental processes persist. In the 1950s, they went unquestioned because of the lofty position that Panditji occupied in our lives and discourse. Today, they go equally unquestioned—though for a different reason: discourse has got so dumbed-down that no assumption or premise is examined as it should be. An illustration will bring home the consequence. Among the habits that persist, one is especially harmful as it rationalizes going-along at an almost subliminal level. This is the habit of slipping in a thought or sentence which excuses one from facing the facts. We see this in Pandit Nehru’s writings and spoken word at every turn. ... *A contributing factor certainly must have been the contempt that Mao, Chou En-lai and others felt for India and Indians. This comes through again and again in conversation after conversation of the Chinese leaders. Chou and Kissinger agree on how India is the one that is causing the troubles in East Pakistan; on what China and US should together do to halt India in the tracks; they agree about not just what is ‘the Indian tradition’—deceit, blaming others—but just as much about the Indian character—marked by ingratitude.⁴ The contempt and coordination show through even more dramatically in the conversations that Kissinger later has with the permanent representative of China at the UN, Huang Hua, during which he asks Huang Hua to assure Chou En-lai that, should China take military action against India to divert it from pursuing its assault on Pakistan, the US will hold the Soviet Union at bay. Nixon, Pompidou and Kissinger are exchanging views about the state of the world. Nixon summarizes the Chinese assessments: ‘...the attitude of the Chinese towards their neighbours can be summed up in this way. The Russians they hate and fear now. The Japanese they fear later but do not hate. For the Indians they feel contempt but they are there and backed by the U.S.S.R.’ ===2010s=== *I don't see the difference between the two. I feel they (the BJP and the Congress) are one party. They are jointly ruling. It is a dinner party. They meet at dinners. They meet socially. They decide on what has to be done about issues. <br>First, the media should write about itself. It is extremely short-sighted about the media to black out these things. The Mitrokhin Archives revealed how (the then Soviet intelligence agency) the KGB boasted that they were able to plant 400 stories in such and such Indian newspapers. The Indian media blacked it out. Then, privatetreaties of The Times of India that other people have now adopted has been completely blacked out.... When the Press Council of India was forced to appoint a committee to look into the allegations about 'paid news', the Press Council itself suppressed the report. **[https://www.rediff.com/news/report/interview-arun-shourie-on-the-real-meaning-of-the-radia-tapes1/20101201.htm Interview] 2010 ====''Falling Over Backwards'' (2012) ==== *The first derailment was caused by plucking the words ‘of their choice’ out of context, by tearing them away from the object for which Articles 29 and 30 gave minorities the right to set up and administer institutions. A normal engineering college or a college of dentistry can by no stretch be taken to be an institution that has been set up to help conserve the language, script or culture of the minority. Yet, provided the engineering or dentistry college has been set up by members of a minority, it was presumed to enjoy the protection of Articles 29 and 30, and thereby be beyond the reach of the state. *The result has been as predictable as it is iniquitous and absurd: if Ram Sharan sets up an engineering college, the state as well as the university concerned can prescribe all sorts of things it must do; if Mohammed Aslam sets up an exact clone of that engineering college across the road, teaching exactly the same subjects, using exactly the same textbooks, neither the state nor the university can regulate its functioning! *On the other hand, when sticking to the text is what will advance the judgment, they become strict constructionists. Some of the most conspicuous instances of this can be found in judgments relating to Article 30, the article that deals with the ‘right of minorities to establish and administer educational institutions’. The country had been partitioned on the cry that Muslims will never be secure in a united India. The framers were naturally keen to reassure the minorities that they would be free to preserve their religion, language and culture. Accordingly, Article 29 was enacted guaranteeing them and assuring them of this freedom. In case they wanted to set up institutions for safeguarding their language, culture, religion, Article 30 was enacted assuring them that ‘All minorities, whether based on religion or language, shall have the right to establish and administer educational institutions of their choice.’ The context made the purpose clear: minorities would have the freedom to set up such institutions as they thought would best preserve their culture, religion, language. But, given what has been the climate of discourse since the framing of the Constitution, the judges became literalists. Minorities would have the right to set up and manage ‘educational institutions of their choice’ irrespective of the purpose for which the institution was set up. Thus, engineering colleges and dental colleges set up by a family of, say, Muslims would have freedoms from state regulation and oversight that engineering and dental colleges set up by run-of-the-mill Indians would not. *Now, these are not stray phrases thrown in to light up a purple passage. They are stances, they are standpoints that indicate the direction in which that judgment will go, they are signposts which tell us where the reasoning being advanced in the text will eventually end. Such formulations have a significance beyond the particular judgment in which they figure. Succeeding benches can strike the same pose and gallop further in the same direction. *We comfort ourselves: at least, the virus of reservations has not got into judicial appointments; at least, reservations have not been extended to Muslims and Christians. Both notions are just make-believe. *As for reservations not having been extended to members of religions that repudiate caste – Islam, Christianity, Sikhism – again, that is but make-believe. The chairman of the Minorities Commission, my friend Tarlochan Singh, sends me a list of fifty-eight castes and of fourteen tribal groups, Muslim members of which have been given reservations. Even those who convert to one of these religions, continue to remain entitled to reservation. The rule in Tamil Nadu is that if the name of the father falls in the lists of Backward Castes/Most Backward Castes/Scheduled Castes/Scheduled Tribes, then, even if the person has converted to another religion, he remains entitled to reservations. In Gujarat, members of Backward Castes continue to avail of not just reservations but even of advantages under the roster system after conversion – 137 castes and sub-castes have been listed as socially and educationally backward in the state; of these, twenty-eight belong to the Muslim community. In Karnataka, ‘caste at birth’ is the norm. In UP, several Muslim castes are included in the reservation list – Lalbegi, Mazhabis, even Ansaris. The position is no different in Madhya Pradesh, in West Bengal. The Indian Express correspondent in Kolkata reports that the government of the ostentatiously secular CPI(M) strained to have reservations in government service as well as educational institutions extended to Muslims qua Muslims, and directed the state Minorities Commission to ascertain how such reservation had been decreed in Andhra Pradesh. The plan has had to be deferred for the time being, he writes, Only because the Andhra Pradesh High Court has struck down the Andhra order as unconstitutional. *Even as moves are afoot to get the Andhra judgment reversed, the government has directed the armed forces to count soldiers and officers by their religion. Nor is this move an inadvertence. It has arisen as a result of a committee that the government has appointed under a former chief justice of Delhi, Rajinder Sachar -each member of which has been carefully selected for his ‘secular’ beliefs. Each term of reference on which it is to supply information and make recommendations, as we noted at the outset, has been just as carefully selected to justify reservations and other concessions to Muslims as a religious group. *With elections looming, in January 2006, the Government of Kerala announced another ‘package’ of reservations for backward castes and for Muslims: service rules of the state shall be altered to permit direct recruitment of these sections so as to fill the 40 per cent quota that has been set aside for them; if suitable candidates are not available from these sections, the vacancies shall not be filled by merit; the state Public Service Commission shall prepare an ‘additional supplementary list’ so that the vacancies may be filled only by these sections; 20 per cent of the seats shall be reserved for these castes in graduate and postgraduate courses in government colleges; the chief minister will himself monitor the implementation of the reservation policy; there shall be a permanent commission to ensure that reservations are fully filled... *With elections upon them, the DMK and its allies announced in Tamil Nadu that, once in office, they will bring forth legislation to give reservations to Muslims and Christians. *The Jharkhand government, in turn, has announced that members of thirty-two tribes that are the most backward – literacy level among nine of them is said to be just 10 per cent – shall be directly recruited into government service; those among them who pass the graduation examination shall not have to take the qualifying examination which all others who enter government service have to take. *And beware, the progressive judges have already put out the basis for extending reservations to Muslims or Christians as Muslims and Christians. The word that the Constitution uses is ‘communities’, the word it uses is ‘classes’, Justices Jeevan Reddy, Sawant and Thommen hold in Indra Sawhney. ‘Community’ and ‘class’ are wider than ‘caste’, they say. So, entities wider than ‘caste’ can certainly be subsumed under them, they say – the only proviso being that the groups so identified be ‘backward’. Second, in spite of the teachings of Islam, Christianity and Sikhism, castes persist in these religions also, they explain in justification. As that is the reality, it would be invidious to restrict access to reservations to the backward sections of Hindus alone...3 *How far we have descended! Today progressives dress up their casteism as secularism! The benefits of reservation shall be extended to Muslims and Christians also, they proudly announce. In Andhra the decision of the government has had to be twice struck down by the courts – the government had decreed reservations for Muslims qua Muslims. Even as moves are afoot to get that judgment reversed, the Central government directed the armed forces to count soldiers and officers by their religion. Nor was the move an inadvertence. It arose as a result of a committee that the government had appointed under a former chief justice of the Delhi High Court. Each member of the committee has been carefully selected for his ‘secular’ and ‘progressive’ beliefs. Each term of reference on which the committee has been asked to supply information and make recommendations has been just as carefully selected to justify reservations and other concessions to Muslims as a religious group: *Every single item betrays the singular purpose of the whole exercise–to provide the rationale for extending reservations to Muslims. Nor is that opportunism confined to the present ruling coalition. In the run-up to the 2005 elections in Bihar, rival groups were vying with each other promising reservations for Muslims qua Muslims. *The object of the framers of the Constitution was, as ours must be, quite the opposite. It was to wipe out the cancer of caste even from Hindu society. Only with the greatest reluctance did they agree to allow reservations for the Scheduled Castes and Tribe – for they felt that doing even this much would perpetuate caste distinctions. The reservations were, therefore, to be exceptions to the general rule. ===2020s=== ===''Preparing: For Death'', 2020=== *One must reflect deeply on the nature of the adversity, and on how it may be converted into an instrument for growth. The routine Gandhiji set for himself was always so much stricter and so much more demanding than anything that a jailer would have thought of imposing on anyone. Similarly, picture Vinoba in solitary confinement in that cell, 8 feet by 9 feet in dimension: how he converts imprisonment into ashram life; how in that tiny space, in forced and complete isolation, he retains his mental discipline by meditating for two to three hours every day; how he disciplines himself physically by walking every day for eight hours inside that suffocating cell, and thereby covering ten miles—covering ten miles in a cell 8 feet by 9 feet every single day! In both cases, control remained in the hands of the prisoner, not the jailer—a very important factor in dealing with adversity. ** Arun Shourie, ''Preparing: For Death.'' Penguin Random House India Private Limited, 2020. ISBN 935305978X, 9789353059781 *The rituals—for instance, those we go through during a marriage ceremony—were devised to imbed certain values into us: the experience of centuries had led thoughtful persons to see that going through those steps, that reciting those mantras and reflecting on them would help us internalize those values, and mould our lives accordingly. But what do we do today? First, we outsource the ritual—to a pandit, say. As he goes through the motions prescribed for solemnizing a marriage, as he chants those mantras, we don’t have a clue about the meaning of the words that he is reciting, nor of the steps—‘Now pour some water on the earth, and then on . . .’ Nor do we care: ‘Panditji, puja zaraa jaldi khatam kar deejiye. Guest dinner ke liye wait kar rahen hain’—‘Panditji, please conclude the puja a bit quickly. The guests are waiting for dinner.’ ** Arun Shourie, ''Preparing: For Death.'' Penguin Random House India Private Limited, 2020. ISBN 935305978X, 9789353059781 ==Quotes about Arun Shourie== *In the end, India had to wait till 1998 for Arun Shourie’s Eminent Historians to be published. This book uncovered in detail after ghastly detail, this multi-layered assault on the national psyche that has disfigured the minds of at least three generations regarding the vital truths of their own nation. And thanks to this seminal contribution, “Eminent Historian” has fittingly become a swearword in the Indian public discourse. **S. Balakrishna, Seventy years of secularism. 2018. *Anyone who thought India had dismantled its notorious system of bureaucratic controls when it embarked on economic reform in 1991 ought to consult Arun Shourie. As cabinet minister (at various times since 1998) for privatisation, administrative reform, information technology and telecommunications, Mr Shourie's observations are close to the bone. The Hindu nationalist-led government in which Mr Shourie was the most prominent economic reformer was thrown out last May. Franz Kafka would have had difficulty dreaming up some of the examples cited in Mr Shourie's book. ... But it is what India's bureaucracy is like under normal conditions that matters and Mr Shourie does a depressingly thorough job in chronicling it. One can only hope that India's senior civil servants find the time to read this book - and have the grace to wince. **[[Edward Luce]], India's tragic comedy of civil disservice, book review in Financial Times. November 9, 2004 *Muslim leaders and Stalinist historians were raising a howl about Hindu chauvinism when it came to the notice of Arun Shourie, the Chief Editor of the Indian Express at that time, that some significant passages had been omitted from the English translation of an Urdu book written long ago by the father of Ali Mian, the famous Muslim theologian from Lucknow. He wrote an article, Hideaway Communalism, in the Indian Express of February 5, 1989 pointing out how the passages regarding destruction of Hindu temples and building of mosques on their sites at Delhi, Jaunpur, Kanauj, Etawah, Ayodhya, Varanasi and Mathura had been dropped from the English translation published by Ali Mian himself. This was a new and dramatic departure from the norm observed so far by the prestigious press. Publishing anything which said that Islam was less than sublime had been taboo for a long time. I was pleasantly surprised, and named Arun Shourie as the [[Gorbachev]] of India. He had thrown open the windows and let in fresh breeze in a house full of the stinking garbage of stale slogans. **Goel, S.R. How I became a Hindu (1993, revised ed.) *[Arun Shourie's article 'Hideaway Communalism'] had violated a taboo placed by the mass media and the academia on any unfavourable narration of the history of Islam since the days when Mahatma Gandhi took command of the Indian National Congress and launched his first non-cooperation movement in support of the Turkish Khilafat. **Goel, S.R. Hindu Temples – What Happened to Them, Volume I (1990) Preface, 2nd edition, p. xiii. *Arun Shourie had shown great courage. But he had counted without the secularist crowd which had access to the owner of the Indian Express. He told me on the phone that there was some trouble brewing. I have never talked to him about the nature of the trouble, and do not know if my articles had anything to do with his ouster from the Indian Express next year. All I know is that he had to slow down the publication of my next two articles. **Goel, S.R. How I became a Hindu (1993, revised ed.) *Mani Shankar Aiyar totally condemns one of Arun Shourie's books, and then goes on to declare that he has decided not to read it : "Shourie gave the final touches to the manuscript of his book on Islam, a work so vicious and perverted that every English speaking Muslim I know was outraged... I decided then to show my solidarity with secularism by not reading the book." (The book he refers to, is apparently Shourie's Religion in Politics, a very sane and sober look at several Scriptures in the light of reason.) **Elst, Koenraad. Ayodhya and after: issues before Hindu society. Voice of India. 1991. *The problem of book-banning and censorship on Islam criticism is compounded by the related problem of self- censorship. Thus, when in late 1992, the famous columnist Arun Shourie wanted to publish a collection of his columns on Islamic fundamentalism, esp. the Rushdie and Ayodhya affairs (Indian Controversies), the publisher withdrew at the last moment, afraid of administrative or physical reprisals, and the printer also backed out. Earlier, Shourie had been lucky to find one paper willing to publish these columns, for most Indian newspapers strictly keep the lid on Islam criticism. Hindu society is a terrorized society. **Elst, Koenraad. Negationism in India: concealing the record of Islam. Voice of India. 1992 *Arun Shourie was sacked as Indian Express editor, apparently under government pressure, after revealing that, in October 1990, Prime Minister V.P. Singh had aborted his own compromise arrangement on Ayodhya under pressure from Imam Bukhari, prominent member of the BMAC. **Koenraad Elst. Ayodhya: the case against the temple. 2002 * Or take A Secular Agenda by Arun Shourie, PhD from Syracure NY and stunningly successful Disinvestment Minister in the AB Vajpayee Government, when India scored its highest economic growth figures. It was a very important book, and it left no stone standing of the common assumption among so-called experts that India (with its religion-based civil codes and its discriminatory laws against Hinduism) is a secular state, i.e. a state in which all citizens are equal before the law, regardless of their religion. Though the book deconstructs the bedrock on which the “experts” have built their view of modern India, they have never formulated a refutation. Instead, they just keep on repeating their own deluded assumption, as in: “The BJP threatens India’s structure as a secular state.” (Actually, the BJP does not, and India is not.) They can do so because they are secure in the knowledge that, among the audiences that matter, their camp controls the sphere of discourse. Concerning the interface between religion and modern politics, the established “academic” view is not just defective, it is an outrageous failure. **Elst, Koenraad. Hindu dharma and the culture wars. (2019). New Delhi : Rupa. *The only ray of light in this encircling gloom was Arun Shourie, the veteran journalist and the chief editor of the Indian express at that time. On February 5, 1989, he frontpaged an article, Hideaway Communalism, showing that while the Urdu version of a book by Maulana Hakim Sayid Abdul Hai of the Nadwatul-Ulama at Lucknow had admitted that seven famous mosques had been built on the sites of Hindu temples, the English translation published by the Maulana’s son, Abul Hasan Ali Nadwi (Ali Mian) had eschewed the “controversial evidence”. He also published in the Indian Express three articles written by me on the subject of Islamic iconoclasm. This was a very courageous defiance of the ban imposed by Islam and administered by Secularism, namely, that crimes committed by Islam cannot even be whispered in private, not to speak of being proclaimed in public. **Goel, S. R. (1993). Hindu temples: What happened to them. (Second Enlarged Edition) [https://web.archive.org/web/20120429114113/http://www.bharatvani.org:80/books/htemples2/] *He dismisses Arun Shourie by pigeon-holing him as ‘post-modern’. He does not know that Hinduism has its own view of Time, and that a person who serves Sanatana Dharma cannot be dated. Scholars like Arun Shourie belong neither to the past, nor to the present, nor yet to the future. They belong to a timeless span. **S.R. Goel, History of Hindu-Christian Encounters (1996) * Just then Shourie was sacked as its editor. The reason was not so much the article, but, apparently, his entire policy of including columns by Hindu communalists like Ram Swarup and Sita Ram Goel, and his own articles that debunked some of the prevalent secularism, such as Hideaway Communalism. ** Elst, Koenraad (1991). Ayodhya and after: Issues before Hindu society. *I thank particularly my friend Arun Shourie because we need people like Arun Shourie to challenge us so that we can rectify our mistakes and all together collectively move towards the creation of a new India, a new humanity. ** Fr. Augustine Kanjamala, quoted in Shourie, Arun. Arun Shourie and his Christian Critic. (1995) * It is clear that Witzel himself has a political agenda: note his resentment of the “present Indian (right wing) denouncement of the ‘eminent historians’ of Delhi” (§9) – some of these “eminent historians” actively collaborated with Witzel and Farmer in their recent media-blitz in the Indian press. The reader is invited to go carefully through Arun SHOURIE’s book “Eminent Historians” (1998), which is being referred to here, and see the kind of political scholarship to whose defense Witzel has no compunctions in rushing! **S. Talageri. Michael Witzel – An Examination of his Review of my Book (2001) *As for Shourie, Mukhia is hardly revealing a secret with his information that Shourie “does journalism for a living”. The greatest investigative journalist in India by far, he has indeed unearthed some dirty secrets of Congressite, casteist and Communist politicians. His revelations about the corrupt financial dealings between the Marxist historians and the government-sponsored academic institutions are in that same category: fearless and factual investigative journalism. Shourie has a Ph.D. degree in Economics from Syracuse University in U.S.A., which should attest to a capacity for scholarship, even if not strictly in the historical field. When he criticizes the gross distortions of history by Mukhia’s school, one could say formally that he transgresses the boundaries of his specialism, but such formalistic exclusives only hide the absence of a substantive refutation. **Elst K. Ayodhya: The Case Against the Temple, chapter 4 * When Shourie's articles first appeared, they aroused great emotions and savage attacks. He quoted from the Bible and the Quran extensively on the question of co-existence. Many were shocked.... Shourie has called his book, Religion in Politics; someday he should bring out another book, Politics in Religion....The first book discusses politics complicated by religions factors; the second would discuss religions which are essentially political... **Ram Swarup, Hinduism and monotheistic religions (2009) == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{Modern Hindu writers}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Shourie, Arun}} [[Category:1941 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Journalists from India]] [[Category:Economists from India]] [[Category:Politicians from India]] [[Category:Anti-communists]] [[Category:Investigative journalists]] [[Category:Hindus]] 01ck93iuidc32t42ssl0bv2uhkgmdyi 3778838 3778837 2025-07-14T20:08:27Z ᘙ 3105225 /* Preparing: For Death, 2020 */ 3778838 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Arun Shourie addressing the Plenary Session on "Diaspora Youth and India - Blueprint for Engagement" at the 2nd Pravasi Bharatiya Divas in 2004.jpg|thumb| I was pleasantly surprised, and named Arun Shourie as the [[Gorbachev]] of India. He had thrown open the windows and let in fresh breeze in a house full of the stinking garbage of stale slogans. ~ Sita Ram Goel]] [[File:Animal artists at the Jardin des Plantes.jpg|thumb|They have made present-day [[India]], and [[Hinduism]] even more so, out to be a [[zoo]] – an agglomeration of assorted, disparate specimens. No such thing as ‘[[India]]’, just a geographical expression, just a construct of the [[British]]; no such thing as Hinduism, just a word used by Arabs to describe the assortment they encountered, just an invention of the [[Communalism|communalists]] to impose a uniformity – that has been their stance.]] [[File:Dalailama1 20121014 4639.jpg|thumb|The example we would do well to keep in front of us is that of the [[Dalai Lama]]. He was giving a discourse on a Tibetan text about meditation. He read out a sentence, laughed and remarked, ‘Buddhist theories of creation, a disgrace! Must throw them out!’ He advises that we should keep a wastepaper basket nearby – whatever doesn’t accord with what we know now, we should cast into that basket. ‘[[Buddhism]] must face facts,’ that is what he teaches. Accordingly, he has opened Buddhist texts to minute examination. (...) That reflects confidence in one’s [[tradition]]. That is true service to the tradition. That is the way to preserve for the [[future]] ‘the pearl of great price’ in it.]] [[File:Censorship in cinema.jpg|thumb|Evasion, concealment, have become a national habit. And they have terrible consequences... Those who proceed by such cynical calculations sow havoc for all of us, for Muslims, for Hindus, for all. Those who remain silent in the face of such cynicism, such calculations help them sow the havoc. Will we shed our evasions and concealments? Will we at last learn to speak and face the whole truth?]] [[File:Parental Advisory label.svg|thumb|Each reference to each of these mosques having been constructed on the sites of temples with, as in the case of the mosque at Benaras, the stones of the very temple which was demolished for that very purpose have been censored out of the English version of the book! Each one of the passages on each one of the seven mosques! No accident that. .... why would anyone have thought it necessary to remove these passages from the English version-that is the version which was more likely to be read by persons other than the faithful? Why would anyone bowdlerise the book of a major scholar in this way?]] [[File:Censorship.svg|thumb|The forfeiture is exactly the sort of thing which has landed us where we are : where intellectual inquiry is shut out ; where our tradition are not examined and reassessed and where as a consequence there is no dialogue.]] [[File:Murales Rivera - Treppenhaus 9 Bücherverbrennung.jpg|thumb|Our response should be three fold. First, whenever an attempt... is made to stifle free speech, to kill even scholarly inquiry, we must go out of our way and immediately obtain the book...<br> Secondly, whenever the intimidators prevail and such a book actually comes to be banned large numbers should take to reprinting it, photocopying it, to circulating it, and discussing its contents.<br> The third thing is more necessary, and in the long run will be the complete answer to the intimidators. As long as scholars like Mr. Swarup are few, intimidators can bully weak governments into shutting them one by one. But what will they do if 1,000, scholars are to do work of the same order? This is the way to deal with intimidators. Let 1,000 scholars carry on work Mr. Swarup has pioneered.]] [[File:Eustache Le Sueur - The Preaching of St Paul at Ephesus - WGA12613.jpg|thumb|The most extensive deletions are ordered in regard to the chapter on ‘Aurangzeb’s policy on religion’. Every allusion to what he actually did to the Hindus, to their temples, to the very leitmotif of his rule – to spread the sway of Islam – are directed to be excised from the book... '''All whitewashed away.'''<br/>'''Objective whitewash for objective history. And today if anyone seeks to restore truth to these textbooks, the shout, ‘Communal rewriting of history’.''']] [[File:Porträtgalerie des steiermärkischen Adels 043.jpg|thumb|Once they had occupied academic bodies, once they had captured universities and thereby determined what will be taught, which books will be prescribed, what questions would be asked, what answers will be acceptable, these historians came to decide what history had actually been! ... Thus, they suppress facts, they concoct others, they suppress what an author has said on one matter even as they insist that what he has said on another be taken as gospel truth. And when anyone attempts to point out what had in fact happened, they rise in chorus: a conspiracy to rewrite history, they shout, a plot to distort history, they scream. '''But they are the ones who have been distorting it in the first place – by suppressing the truth, by planting falsehoods.''']] [[File:Censored stamp.jpg|thumb|I hope the reader will not just read through the examples but will also ask why it is that such material is not placed before our students. After all it is not difficult to come by, and, as the reader will agree after going through it, it has the most direct bearing on our denationalization. Yet, even though he may have considerable interest in our current problems, even though he may have been following closely the public discourse on such problems, in all probability the reader would not have come across the material. Why is this so?]] [[File:Soviet Communism Threatens Education - NARA - 5730072.jpg|thumb|The situation thus is as follows: the ones who have dominated and controlled and terrorised public discourse for half a century in India are now bereft of facts, of arguments. The evidence is available to anyone who has access to their internal ‘dialogues’ – they are talking to narrower and narrower circles; and in these ever-shrinking circles, they are just repeating the old cliches, there is not a new idea, there is not a new fact. And that is predictable, as we have seen: regurgitating those nostrums of the theory is not just necessary, it is sufficient.]] [[File:Shri Arun Shourie, Member of Parliament presented his book titled “Falling Over Backward” to the Vice President, Shri Bhairon Singh Shekhawat, in New Delhi on June 3, 2006.jpg|thumb|The result has been as predictable as it is iniquitous and absurd: if Ram Sharan sets up an engineering college, the state as well as the university concerned can prescribe all sorts of things it must do; if Mohammed Aslam sets up an exact clone of that engineering college across the road, teaching exactly the same subjects, using exactly the same textbooks, neither the state nor the university can regulate its functioning!]] '''[[w:Arun Shourie|Arun Shourie]]''' (born 2 November 1941) is a prominent journalist, author, and politician of India. == Quotes == ===1970s=== ====''Symptoms of Fascism'' (1978) ==== *What we are witnessing today in relation to the criminals of the Emergency is not the rule of law but the destruction of it. We are witnessing how the bourgeois rule of law is destroyed - members of the class itself destroy it for their personal aggrandizement and the bourgeoisie is unable to muster up the firmness needed to bring these blackguards to book. Today two features of our legal system are being laid bare for all to see. First, it cannot catch criminals if they are influential and well connected. Second, it cannot catch them for their principal crimes against the people and the State. *Then we have our seedy Leftists busy abusing each other. And finally we have the liberals - busy rearranging furniture on the deck of theTitanic, nay busy holding seminars about rearranging furniture on the deck of the Titanic. *To rely on these fellows to save us from the impending fascist avalanche is to rely on superannuated buffaloes to see us across a minefield. ===1980s=== ====''Religion in politics'' (1989) ==== * Thus silence retards reform. If large numbers were writing and talking about the communalism of these leaders, for instance, the reformers within these communities would not be as isolated, indeed as beleaguered as they are today. Worst of all not speaking the whole truth becomes a habit. Concealing one’s convictions, glossing over the evidence, deception, become almost an ingredient of public discourse. ===1990s=== *And yet I find in the majority judgement a fatal innocence... The judgement quotes the proclamations from the Rig, Yajur and Atharva Vedas - about all human beings being one, about their being the children of the same Mother-Earth, about the yearnings that all of use be friends. But it does not note that less than a mile from its building volumes upon volumes of [[w:fatwa|fatwas]] are being sold and distributed which exhort Muslims never to trust [[w:Kafir|Kafirs]], never to allow them into their confidence; which tell them that their first duty and allegiance is to their religion and not to sundry laws... It is not [[Gandhiji]] who needs to be convinced that Ishwar and Allah ar one. It is not [[Guru Gobind Singh]] who needs to be convinced that mandir and masjid, Puran and Quran are one. The ones who need to be convinced that they are one - say, the ulema, or the Shahi Iman... - have it as an article of faith that they are not one. **Arun Shourie in: India., & Dasgupta, S. (1995). The Ayodhya reference: The Supreme Court judgement and commentaries. p. 171-3 * "The forfeiture is exactly the sort of thing which has landed us where we are : where intellectual inquiry is shut out ; where our tradition are not examined and reassessed and where as a consequence there is no dialogue." **About the book banning of Ram Swarup's Understanding Islam through Hadis. quoted from Koenraad Elst. Ayodhya and after: issues before Hindu society. 1991. Ch. 12. *They rely on intimidation, It is exactly by tactics of this kind that an earlier book of Mr. Swarup - Understanding Islam Through Hadis - was put out of circulation... November 27, 1990, under the influence of the same intimidation the Delhi Administration declared that, contrary to what it had itself twice decreed, the book was not only objectionable, was deliberately and malicious so!....<br/>Our response should be three fold. First, whenever an attempt such as this from quarters such as Mr. Shahabuddin is made to stifle free speech, to kill even scholarly inquiry, we must go out of our way and immediately obtain the book....<br/>Secondly, whenever the intimidators prevail and such a book actually comes to be banned large numbers should take to reprinting it, photocopying it, to circulating it, and discussing its contents.<br/>The third thing is more necessary, and in the long run will be the complete answer to the intimidators. As long as scholars like Mr. Swarup are few, intimidators can bully weak governments into shutting them one by one. But what will they do if 1,000, scholars are to do work of the same order? This is the way to deal with intimidators. Let 1,000 scholars carry on work Mr. Swarup has pioneered. **Arun Shourie: " How should we respond?", also in: Freedom of expression – Secular Theocracy Versus Liberal Democracy (1998, edited by Sita Ram Goel) * For fifty years this bunch has been suppressing facts and inventing lies. How concerned they are about that objective of the ICHR -- to promote objective and rational research into events of our past. How does this square with the guidelines issued by their West Bengal Government in 1989…"Muslim rule should never attract any criticism. Destruction of temples by Muslim rulers and invaders should not be mentioned"? But their wholesale fabrications of the destruction of Buddhist vihars, about the non-existent "Aryan invasion" -- to question these is to be communal, chauvinist! It is this which has been the major crime of these "historians". But these are not just partisan "historians". They are nepotists of the worst kind... they are ones who have used State patronage to help each other in many, many ways... Not only are these "historians" partisan, not only are they nepotists, they are ones who have used State patronage to help each other in many, many ways… As a result, the books and pamphlets of these fellows are available in all regional languages, but the works of even Lokmanya Tilak are not available except in Marathi! **FABRICATIONS ON THE WAY TO THE FUNERAL Publication: India Connect Author: Arun Shourie Date: June 26, 1998 [http://voiceofdharma.org/indology/eminenthistorians1.html] [https://www.dharmadispatch.in/commentary/de-secularizing-indian-history-why-the-ugc-deserves-our-kudos] * All the facts ... were well known fifty years ago. With the passing of the generation that fought for Independence, with the total abandonment of looking up the record, most of all with the rise of casteist politics, they have been erased from public awareness. And that erasure has led to the predictable result: schizophrenia. To start with, those trading in Ambedkar's name and their apologists have sought to downplay the struggle for Independence: the freedom it brought is not "real", they insist. Exactly as that other group did which teamed up with the British at that crucial hour, 1942 -- the Communists. Indeed,... to justify Ambedkar's conduct his followers insist that British Rule was better... But the facts lurk in the closet. Lest they spill out and tarnish the icon they need for their politics, lest their politics be shown up for what it is -- a trade in the name of the dispossessed -- these followers of Ambedkar enforce their brand of history through verbal terrorism, and actual assault. **Arun Shourie, Worshipping False Gods, 1997, HarperCollins. ====''Indian controversies: Essays on religion in politics '' (1993) ==== :Shourie, A. (2006). Indian controversies: Essays on religion in politics. New Delhi: Rupa & Co. *The most telling illustration has been provided by the silence over the new archaeological findings. .... When the findings of the excavations which had been conducted over a decade ago became public, and these left little doubt about the fact that there had indeed been a temple at the site, archaeology itself was denounced. Papers made themselves available for tarnishing one of the most respected archaeologists in the world - the former Director General of the Archaeological Survey of India who had led those excavations. ... The lesson is plain: should such double-standards continue, Hindu opinion will become even less amenable to the minatory admonitions of our editorialists than it has already become. *Clearly, what our newsmen call 'hard-liners' have been vindicated. * As the State has been successfully bent by Sikh and Muslim communalists over the last decade, double-standards, I would say in some cases duplicity have been the hallmark of the media's treatment of events and issues. *Every single Muslim historian of medieval India lists temples which the rulers he is writing about has destroyed and the mosques he has built instead. (429) ====''Hindu temples: What happened to them (Volume I)'', 1993==== *A case in which the English version of a major book by a renowned Muslim scholar, the fourth Rector of one of the greatest centres of Islamic learning in India, listing some of the mosques, including the Babri Masjid, which were built on the sites and foundations of temples, using their stones and structures, is found to have the tell-tale passages censored out; The book is said to have become difficult to get;... Evasion, concealment, have become a national habit. And they have terrible consequences... <br/> It was a long, discursive book, I learnt, which began with descriptions of the geography, flora and fauna, languages, people and the regions of India. These were written for the Arabic speaking peoples, the book having been written in Arabic. ... A curious fact hit me in the face. Many of the persons who one would have normally expected to be knowledgeable about such publications were suddenly reluctant to recall this book. I was told, in fact, that copies of the book had been removed, for instance from the Aligarh Muslim University Library. Some even suggested that a determined effort had been made three or four years ago to get back each and every copy of this book. ....Such being the eminence of the author, such being the greatness of the work, why is it not the cynosure of the fundamentalists’’ eyes? The answer is in the chapter “Hindustan ki Masjidein”, “The Mosques of Hindustan”. ... Each reference to each of these mosques having been constructed on the sites of temples with, as in the case of the mosque at Benaras, the stones of the very temple which was demolished for that very purpose have been censored out of the English version of the book! Each one of the passages on each one of the seven mosques! No accident that. .... why would anyone have thought it necessary to remove these passages from the English version-that is the version which was more likely to be read by persons other than the faithful? Why would anyone bowdlerise the book of a major scholar in this way?... **About the removal of a book from libraries for political reasons. Arun Shourie: Hideaway Communalism (Indian Express, February 5, 1989) Quoted from Goel, Sita Ram (editor) (1993). Hindu temples: What happened to them. Volume I. *Their real significance- and I dare say that they are but the smallest, most innocuous example that one can think of on the mosque-temple business-lies in the evasion and concealment they have spurred. I have it on good authority that the passages have been known for long, and well known to those who have been stoking the Babri Masjid issue. That is the significant thing; they have known them, and their impulse has been to conceal and bury rather than to ascertain the truth....The fate of Maulana Abdul Hai’s passages-and I do, not know whether the Urdu version itself was not a conveniently sanitised version of the original Arabic volume-illustrates the cynical manner in which those who stoke the passions of religion to further their politics are going about the matter. '''Those who proceed by such cynical calculations sow havoc for all of us, for Muslims, for Hindus, for all. Those who remain silent in the face of such cynicism, such calculations help them sow the havoc. Will we shed our evasions and concealments? Will we at last learn to speak and face the whole truth?''' **About the removal of a book from libraries for political reasons. Arun Shourie: Hideaway Communalism (Indian Express, February 5, 1989) Quoted from Goel, Sita Ram (editor) (1993). Hindu temples: What happened to them. Volume I. ====''A secular agenda'', 1993==== *Upon going through the text the reader will notice how completely contrary to the facts are the cliches which are bandied about in public discourse in India, and which as a consequence so many have by now internalised.... (x) *A moment's reflection will show that India's case is not at par with the ones we have been considering. For those instances are of the most recent times - those nations were "imagined", those traditions were "invented" just a hundred or a hundred and fifty years ago. By contrast India has been seen as one and its people have had a common way of life for thousands of years. It is not just that its history is that old.... It is a continuous history. (9) *Not an enforced amnesia but an unsparing memory - that is what will build a nation. *Every sentence a lie. ... And have you ever heard the BBC refer to Nawaz Sharif as a "fundamentalist," a "fanatic"? But what would it have called Advani if he had made a statement of that kind with "Hindu" substituted for "Muslims"? ====''Missionaries in India'', 1994==== * '''I hope the reader will not just read through the examples but will also ask why it is that such material is not placed before our students. After all it is not difficult to come by, and, as the reader will agree after going through it, it has the most direct bearing on our denationalization. Yet, even though he may have considerable interest in our current problems, even though he may have been following closely the public discourse on such problems, in all probability the reader would not have come across the material. Why is this so? ''' * '''But there is an even more potent cause for the near total erasure of such material from our public discourse and our instruction. And that is the form of “secularism” which we have practised these forty-five years: a “secularism” in which double-standards have been the norm, one in which everything that may remove the dross by which our national identity has been covered has become anathema.''' * The Catholic Bishops Conference of India is the hightest body engaged in attempts to coordinate the work of different Catholic churches in India and to engage in dialogue with other religions. ... To celebrate the 50th anniversary... the CBCI convened a meeting in January 1994.... And it was an important gathering: it was only the second time in fifty years and the first time in twenty five years that such a comprehensive review was being undertaken... The organizers were so kind as to ask me to give the Hindu perception of the work of Christian missionaries in India. *And on the basis of criteria of this kind tribals were hacked off from Hindu society. One has but to read the descriptions of Animism which were relied upon to notice that they could well be describing a variety of Hindus. ;Quotes about the book *The organisers had invited Arun Shourie to give the Hindu assessment of the work of missionaries in India. Arun Shourie addressed the Archbishops, Bishops and others on 5 January 1994. ... The organisers asked Arun Shourie to write a paper based on his talk.... As the controversy snowballed... [they] invited several senior churchmen to discuss Missionaries in India on a public platform with Arun Shourie. **About the book ''Missionaries in India'' ** Shourie, Arun. Arun Shourie and his Christian Critic. (1995) *A dialogue for serving its third purpose could be held only in January 1994 when Arun Shourie, the noted journalist and scholar, was invited by the Catholic Bishops’ Conference of India (CBCI) to present a “Hindu assessment” of missionary work in India. But unfortunately for-the managers of this “dialogue”, it went out of hand and misfired. Ever since, the giant Christian establishment in India has been smarting with the hurt which Arun Shourie has caused. The uproar he has raised can be compared only with the uproar which had followed the publication of K. M. Panikkars’ Asia and Western Dominance in 1953. Missiology has been mobilizing its arsenal of apologetics and polemics in order to control the damage that has been done to Christian claims and pretensions...<br>The CBCI was celebrating the 50th anniversary of its foundation, and holding a Seminar at Ishvani Kendra, a Catholic seminary in Pune. Almost all the Catholic big-wigs in India were present when Arun Shourie gave his talk on 5 January 1994...<br>By the time the paper was fully elaborated, it had acquired the size of a book. Arun Shourie published it in early May 1994 under the title, Missionaries in India: Continuities, Changes, Dilemmas. ... Meanwhile, Arun Shourie had written several articles on the subject in his syndicated column which appears in more than a score of newspapers published in several languages all over the country. The articles evoked a lively discussion in the Maharashtra Herald of Pune. **Sita Ram Goel , History of Hindu Christian Encounters *The Christian missionary orchestra in India after independence has continued to rise from one crescendo to another with the applause of the Nehruvian establishment manned by a brood of self-alienated Hindus spawned by missionary-macaulayite education. The only rift in the lute has been K.M. Panikkar’s Asia and Western Dominance published in 1953, the Report of the Christian Missionary Activities Committee Madhya Pradesh published in 1956, Om Prakash Tyagi’s Bill on Freedom of Religion introduced in the Lok Sabha in 1978, Arun Shourie’s Missionaries in India published in 1994 and the Maharashtra Freedom of Religion Bill introduced in the Maharashtra Legislative Assembly by Mangal Prabhat Lodha, M.L.A. on 20 December 1996. **Sita Ram Goel, Vindicated by Time: The Niyogi Committee Report (1998) ====''The World of Fatwas (Or The Shariah In Action), 1995''==== *In the bookshops in the Muslim areas of our cities—for instance in the bookshops around the Jama Masjid in Delhi— the collections of fatwas fill shelves after shelves. They are put together with great care, the sort of care one associates with sacred literature. The pages are well laid out. The calligraphy is often a work of art. The volumes are beautifully bound— ever so often with gilded embossing on the covers. *'''In a word, fatwas are the shariah in action.''' *For all these reasons one would expect a host of studies on fatwas. But then one would reckon without our intellectuals. It is yet more proof of the fact that our intellectuals have seceded from our country; that there is hardly a study in either English or Urdu on the fatwas. *First, our scholars have not spared time for this vital material for the same reason on account of which they have not spared time for other things vital to our existence as a country. Most of the intellectual work in India consists in writing footnotes to work being done in the West—this has been so in the case of Marxist intellectuals even more than it is in the case of the others. And when our intellectuals are not engaged in writing these footnotes, they are busy following the fashion of the day in Western circles, busy ‘applying’, as the phrase goes, to Indian material the notion or ‘thesis’ which has become fashionable in the West. In a word, our scholarly work is derivative. So the first reason there has been no substantial study of the fatwas in India is that they have not yet caught the eye of the West. *“We should, in particular the Muslim liberal should speak the whole truth about the condition of Muslim society—for instance about the plight of women within it. And not flinch from tracing it back to its roots—the text, the laws, the ways of thinking. We should document the social practice of the Ulema [Muslim religious leaders] and of the fundamentalist politicians.…We should document what the Ulema etc. have been saying and decreeing on religious issues themselves.…We must, in particular the Muslim liberal must, take the consistently secular position on every matter—that is the only way to confront the fundamentalists, it is the surest way to bring home the alternative viewpoint to the community.…Fatwas and the rest which impinge upon the civil rights of a person are manifestly a criminal infringement of law; we should show them up as such; and join others in demanding that anyone who seeks to trample upon the rights of others by using…fatwas should be brought to book under the law. Similarly, we must expose, and work to thwart concessions by our opportunist politicians which are meant to appease, and will in the end strengthen the grip of these reactionary elements.…But it is not going to be enough to counter the Ulema, and their networks, or to show up their syllabi. As we have seen, what they proclaim, and regurgitate, and enforce is what the Koran and Hadith prescribe. Therefore, to really break the vice, liberals, and liberal Muslims in particular must examine and exhume the millenarian claims of Islam: the claims that there is only one truth, that it has been finally revealed to only one man, that it is enshrined in only one Book, that that Book is very difficult to comprehend, that the select few alone know its inner meaning, that therefore it is everyone's duty to heed them just as it is the duty of the select to make sure that everyone heeds them. In a word, the basic texts themselves have to be opened to examination.” (quoted in Bostom, A. G. (2015). Sharia versus freedom: The legacy of Islamic totalitarianism.) * The volumes of fatwas devote pages and pages to an even more exotic subject—namely, what the believer should do with an animal which has been used for intercourse. ‘What is the hukum about the animal with which a man has had sexual intercourse—what is the hukum about the animal and the man?’, asks the querist, and after due deliberation the ulema of this great ‘centre of Islamic learning’ issue a fatwa. The other matters which call forth fatwas are just as earth-shaking. <br> ‘Is a pregnant goat which has been used for intercourse halal or haram? Has one to wait for her to deliver or should she be killed and buried without waiting?’ ‘Zaid has had intercourse with a goat. What is the law in respect of her? Can we eat her flesh or drink her milk? And what is the law for him who has had the intercourse?’ ‘What is the punishment for having intercourse with a minor child or a goat?’ ‘Zaid decided to have intercourse with an animal which is halal such as a cow or a goat. He approached the animal and inserted his male member into its vagina. But there was no ejaculation. Should Zaid or other Muslims regard as halal the meat or milk of that animal? Has Zaid to do penance for this offence?’ ‘Zaid had intercourse with a cow, and then sold it. How should that money be spent? Can it be used for sadqah? And what is the punishment fo Zaid?’ ‘What is the punishment for one who has intercourse with a mare? What should be done with that mare?’ A fatwa on one and each of these matters. <br> And the answers are not always predictable, often they turn on subtle differences. It is enough for the believer who has had intercourse with an animal to do taubah, decree these men of learning, but in the usual case the animal must be killed and burnt. In the usual case, that is, its meat should not be eaten. However, to take one instance, ‘If there is no ejaculation (inside the animal) its meat and milk are halal, without question,’ rule the ulema of Dar al-Ulum, Deoband. ‘But if there is ejaculation, it is better to kill the animal and bury its flesh. No one should eat it, though it is not haram to eat it.’ [...] Finally, while others may be a bit squeamish in discussing such questions, and a little surprised at encountering them in ‘religious’ books, the ulema have no qualms about discussing such matters and laying down the law on them as much as on any other matter. They regard it as one of their functions to do so. The point is set at rest by Maulana Mufti Abdur Rahim Qadri. It transpires that a maulvi, styling himself as Hazrat Shaykh al-Islam Maulana Maulvi, published two pamphlets attacking the Hanafite jurists for holding that intercourse with an animal does not vitiate a fast, even if ejaculation takes place. He cited the great authorities of Hanafite law—Shami and the Durr-ul-Mukhtar—as having decreed this. He also chided the learned ulema for filling religious books with discussions of such topics. The writings of the maulvi were referred to Mufti Abdur Rahim Qadri for opinion. The Mufti’s elucidation takes up ten printed pages of the Fatawa-i-Rahimiyyah. On the substance of the question, the decision turns on whether the ejaculation took place upon intromission into the animal—in which case the fast is rendered void—or it took place by the man merely touching the animal’s genitals with his hands or kissing it, without using his sexual organ—in which case the fast is not vitiated. The Mufti cites authorities to nail the distinction, and he argues that the maulvi who had made the charge against the Hanafite jurists had misrepresented their rulings on the matter. * Next comes the Urdu press. It has been one of the most potent allies of, in some ways the instrument of the ulema, as we saw in reviewing the campaigns against Dr Zakir Hussain and Maulana Azad. We saw the same role and the same potency in the campaigns in 1992 against Mushirul Hasan, pro-vice-chancellor of Jamia Millia in Delhi, and Abid Reza Bedar, director of the Khuda Bakhsh Library in Patna. A shrill tone, wholesale distortions, creating echoes upon echoes of their allegations, fomenting an extreme insecurity and then presenting everything as an assault on Islam—these are its hallmarks. And they invariably end up being deployed to fortify the world view which the ulema want the community to retain. *And then there is the effect of patronage. Funds from Saudi Arabia, or Iran, or Iraq, or other ‘Islamic’ sources go to the ulema, to elements and organizations controlled by or beholden to them. The funds are almost never channelled to liberals. The Indian state is of course worse. As the ulema control the community, it is to the ulema, and to those who speak their language that the state genuflects. As the state has got weaker, the ulema have been able to press their campaigns with greater and greater ease. And in turn they have been able to fortify their hold over the community by demonstrating that it is to them that the state bends—on Shah Bano for instance; that it dare not step in their way: look at the audacity of their current campaign to set up a parallel structure of courts—the shariah courts—outside the legal system of the country. *The liberal who happens to be a Hindu is so apologetic, he has internalized sham secularism so much, he is in any case so innocent of the texts—of Islam, of Hinduism, of our laws and our Constitution—and he has internalized double standards to such an extent that he has made silence on all matters Islamic, indeed toeing the fundamentalists’ line proof of secularism. The ‘secularists’ of the English press are a ready example. They will refer to Ali Mian as ‘the moderate, universally respected Muslim leader’, without bothering to read anything he has written. They will refer to sundry muftis and maulwis as ‘Muslim divines’. They will shut their eyes tight to what organizations like the All India Muslim Personal Law Board or the All India Milli Council are doing; and will jump in to shout and scream should any agency of the state take a step to uncover their activities. Worst of all, they will, by a Pavlovian reflex, weigh in on the same side as the ulema on issues, and insist that anyone who opposes that side is ‘communal’, ‘fascist’, ‘revanchist’. The effect of such shouting is not limited to poisoning the air of discourse. Weak rulers are swayed by that air. And so public policy bends to the ulema. The latter are thus twice strengthened. *When we study the discourses of the Buddha or what Gandhiji has to say on, say, fasting, the content is all about looking within, about self-purification. But even when they deal with purely religious subjects the fatwas are all about the form to which the believer must adhere. They resemble instructions a drill sergeant gives to cadets for a parade. *While our leaders and the Supreme Court keep chanting, ‘All religions are one’; while they keep recalling the Vedic pronouncement, ‘Truth is one, only the sages call it by different names’; while they keep recalling Ashoka’s rock edict, ‘One who reveres one’s own religion and disparages that of another, due to devotion to one’s own religion and to glorify it over all others, does injure one’s own religion certainly’, the ulema proclaim the very opposite set of values, the truly Islamic values to be fair to the ulema. Thus we have Maulana Ahmad Riza Khan descend as an avalanche on persons who countenance processions in which books like the Gita and Quran are carried with equal respect; he declares that for a Muslim to even say, ‘Hindus should live by the Vedas, Muslims should live by the Quran,’ is kufr; a temple is the abode of Satans, he says, a Muslim is forbidden from going into it; to describe the Holy Quran as being like the Veda is kufr; to say that Hindus should live by the Veda is to ask people to follow kufr, and to ask people to follow kufr is kufr... *The fatwas reflect this belief in double standards. The differential attitude to conversion and apostasy illustrates this vividly. Islam regards it as a right and duty to convert persons from other religions. The ulema vehemently insist on it....Exactly the same position holds in regard to doing something or refraining from doing something out of regard for the other person’s religious sentiments.....An even more vivid instance is the stance in regard to the continuation of religious practices. It is the right and duty of a Muslim to carry on his religious rituals. ...Under no circumstances can the Islamic ruler give permission to kafirs to continue their religious rites, declares the Fatawa-i-Rizvia, and asks: shall he permit them to practise their kufr and thereby himself become a kafir?...It adds that there are several Hadis to the effect that no non-Muslim should remain in the Arab island...So, no non-Muslim shall be allowed to stay in the Arab island, but if a Bangladeshi who has entered India illegally is asked to leave, that is an assault on Islam!...Similarly, even today in no Islamic state can teachers in a school impart religious education of their faith to non-Muslim children...No restriction can be tolerated on teaching of the Quran and on religious instruction, declares Kifayatullah. ...And yet if we were to go by secularist discourse there is no religion which has abolished distinctions as Islam has, there is no religion which treats all equally as Islam does! *In the face of all this those who continue to assert, ‘Shariah has safeguarded the rights of women like no other system of law has,’ do so only because of their confidence that no one but them has read the texts of shariah. *And yet we must believe, on pain of being communal, that no system of law has guaranteed as many rights to women as shariah, that no religion is as solicitous of them as Islam. ... The argument can fool no one but the determined apologist. *That is not just the shariah as enforced by the fatwas. As our governments have not acted upon the directive of the Constitution to enact a Uniform Civil Code, that is the law of secular India enforced by our courts! * It is not the occasion but the ulema’s assessment of women per se which is of interest, for it pervades the fatwas through and through. ‘For the Quran says,’ declare the ulema of Deoband settling a matter to which we shall soon turn, ‘the husband is the master.’ .... And among these kafirs there are gradations, Maulana Ahmad Riza Khan declares: one hard kind of basic kufr is Christianity; worse than it is Magianism; worse than that is idolatry; worse than that is Wahabiyat; and worse than all these and more wicked is Deobandiyat... * And so on indefinitely. The effect of all this will be obvious: when you take a problem to them, the ulema can facilitate your way or thwart it by invoking one authority rather than the other. Simultaneously they, joined this time by the apologist, will insist that we, in particular the non-Muslims, must never cease to believe that the shariah is a clear and definite code, that it is a divinely ordained, and therefore an eternal and unchanging code! *Two features would by now be obvious: (1) far from being a clear and definite code, the shariah is ambiguous; (2) it is ambiguous on the entire spectrum of issues. Two operational consequences follow: (1) this ambiguity is one of the bases for the unrivalled power of the ulema; (2) the ulema therefore sabotage every effort to codify the shariah as zealously as they fight back every effort to replace it by a modern code common to all. *That is why Maulana Ahmad Riza Khan is only being true to the Faith when, as we saw at the beginning of the chapter, he says that the glory of Islam consists in having science bend to it, not in its bending to science. What holds for science holds a fortiori for mere historical ‘facts’—of whether there have been a hundred Caliphs or twelve. * The earth is stationary. The sun revolves around it. The stars are stationary, hung as lamps by Allah to guide travellers, and to stone the Devil. To believe anything contrary to all this is to betray The Faith. Men are the masters. Each may keep up to four wives at a time and as many concubines ‘as the right hand holds’. The wives are fields which the husband may or may not ‘irrigate’ as he will. The husband can bind them to obeying his merest whim on pain of being divorced. If he is still not satisfied, he can throw them out with one word. Upon being thrown out they are to be entitled to bare sustenance—but only for three months, and nothing at all beyond that. To see any inequity in this, to demand anything more for the women is to question the wisdom of Allah, it is to strike at Islam. To urinate while standing, to fail to do istinja in the prescribed way, to fail to believe that the saliva of a dog is napaak and his body paak—these are grave sins. To ask for the well-being of a kafir, be he ever so saintly, even upon his death, to fail to believe that a Muslim, be he ever so sinful, is better than a kafir, be the latter ever so virtuous, is kufr itself. Such is the mindset of the ulema. It pervades their rulings on all aspects of life. *Education is central to advancement—of the country, of the individual. But the ulema have fought hard and long against what most today would consider education. For them religious education must take priority over modern, technical education. Only those subjects are to be studied, only that knowledge is to be imparted which strengthens one’s faith— in practical terms, only those subjects are to be studied, only that knowledge pursued which confirms one in the belief that whatever is written in the Quran and Hadis, whatever has been put out by the ulema over the centuries is true and the acme of wisdom as well as perfection. The education of women, in particular their being awakened to new values, their being trained for new professions, their being awakened to their rights—all this is anathema; it is held to be injurious to them, in fact it is declared to be the way to disrupting society and undermining Islam. *Is an institution the Indian history course of which covers only the period from the raids of Mahmud Ghaznavi to 1947, the geography course of which focuses on the Arabian peninsula, an institution of and for India? *Predictably, in Maulana Ahmad Riza Khan’s reckoning the Shias are not Muslims at all. Their ‘mosques’ are not mosques—and remember, as Mir Baqi and his descendants, the mutwallis of the mosque were Shias, the ‘Babri masjid’ was a Shia mosque. *‘Arrey bhai, but why don’t you write on Hindu fatwas?,’—that from a prominent intellectual who carries a haloed name. There is nothing like the fatwa among Hindus—but surely even our intellectuals know that. The point of such admonitions is different. In this view of the matter, a Hindu should stay clear of writing on Islam. Rather, that if he writes about matters Islamic or Muslim, he should only pen Hosannas—’the religion of tolerance, equality...’—he should only write books ‘understanding’, that is explaining away the ‘Muslim mind’. At the least, if he just has to allude to some unfortunate drawback in it, he must attribute it to some special time and place and exculpate Islam from it! Even more important, he must make sure that he ‘balances’ his remark about that point in Islam with denunciation about something in Hinduism, anything—the caste system, dowry deaths, looking upon foreigners as malechh, at least sati if nothing else fits the bill! *So, who is offended? Who is humiliated by the fatwas being reproduced and analysed? It is the secularist. And the reason is manifest. He has no answer in the face of this evidence, in the face of the express and emphatic commands of the Quran and the Prophet, in the face of the repeated and absolutely explicit declarations contained in the fatwas. He has no evidence with which to counter these. But when what they say is brought out on the table, he cannot sustain his inverted ‘secularism’. As long as these things are confined to Urdu they do not inconvenience him in his circle. But the moment they are out in English he is pinned. And so he feigns offence! What is the answer? To go on setting out the facts. To go on analysing them. In the faith that abuse shall not bury evidence. In the faith that ideas are seeds, that they shall take root. *In Bangladesh, with the gallop towards Islamization, the rapid spread of Tablighi Jamaat, the ever-widening reach and influence of fundamentalist organizations like the Hizb-ut-Tahrir and the Hizb-ut-Tauhid, Shariah Committees sprang up in several parts of the country. Fatwas became ever more frequent. They were often issued by the local mullahs in rural areas, and ever so often the victims were women who had in fact been victims of violence, rape and the rest.... * To put the blame on Muslim journalism and leadership is in a sense to beg the question. After all, why do Muslims prize this kind of journalism, why do they follow such leaders? The answer is in the psychology which the ulema and their fatwas have drilled into them. *To even say, ‘What is shariah? Does anyone go by shariah today?’, is kufr, declares the Fatawa-i-Rizvia. Even if the words have been uttered to taunt others, they constitute a grave sin. To say, ‘We do not recognize shariah, we go by custom,’ is kufr, it declares. The ulema issue a fatwa prohibiting Muslims from joining processions of polytheists. A man says, ‘Issuing a fatwa not to join processions of polytheists, etc., is sheer lathbazi.’ The utterance is reported to the ulema. The utterance constitutes denigration of shariah, the Fatawa-i-Rizvia rules, and denigration of shariah is kufr. The man’s wife is free of his nikah. ... To question ijma (consensus) or taqlid (literal adherence) is kufr, they declare. ... Not to believe in Fiqh is kufr, they declare. He who does not accept Fiqh is Satan, they declare. *‘The parents who send their daughters to college are the enemies of their daughters, not their friends,’ the Fatawa-i-Rahimiyyah declares, citing authorities to the effect that the friend is one who prepares one for the Hereafter, though doing so may inflict worldly loss. ‘There is no doubt,’ it declares, ‘that a collegiate girl becomes extremely free, purdahless, immodest and shameless. This is the general consequence of English education and college atmosphere.’ And ‘A girl who loses modesty loses everything,’ it says, citing the Hadis, ‘Modesty and faith—they are inseparable companions; when either of them is taken away, the other too goes away.’ * The condescension, the picture which is drawn of Hindus and other non-believers, their being clubbed with animals and vermin—any text doing this in the case of Muslims would call forth howls of denunciation. From the secularists as much as from Muslims. ====''Worshipping False Gods'' (1997)==== *There is not one instance, not one single, solitary instance in which [[Ambedkar]] participated in any activity connected with the struggle to free the country. Quite the contrary- at every possible turn he opposed the campaigns of the national movement, at every setback to the movement he was among those cheering for failure. *Did India ever stand in need of reformers? Do you read the history of India? Who was [[Ramanuja]]? Who was [[Shankara]]? Who was [[Nanak]]? Who was [[Chaitanya]]? Who was [[Kabir]]? Who was [[Dadu]]? Who were all these great preachers, one following the other, a galaxy of stars of the first magnitude? *In a word, denunciation, condemnation, calumnizing the gods and goddesses, pouring ridicule on our scriptures, sowing hatred in the followers is the course Ambedkar adopted. But it was not the only course available. Earlier one of the greatest of reformers of the last hundred and fifty years had adopted the exact opposite course, and thereby accomplished both— he had lifted the lives of millions, and at the same time he had transformed and raised our society. That reformer was from a caste which was not just untouchable but unapproachable— the reformer of course was Narayan Guru, who lived from 1854 to 1928. *He did not heckle and spit at our tradition as an outsider. He never made truck with the conquerors and subjugators of India. He attained the highest states of spiritual awareness by immersing himself in the teachings of the Upanishads. He attained those states by practising the austerities and following the methods which our great seers had uncovered. As he attained these states, his entire life became a refutation of the claims of the orthodox as to their superiority, his beatific state became a refutation of the assertions of the orthodox that the esoteric lore was closed to the lower castes. And as he had attained those states, he received universal homage. *The legacy of [[Narayan Guru]] is a society elevated, in accord, the lower castes educated and full of dignity and a feeling of self-worth. The legacy of Ambedkar is a bunch screaming at everyone, a bunch always demanding and denouncing, a bunch mired in self-pity and hatred, a society at war with itself. The legacy of Narayan Guru is a country rejuvenated. The legacy of Ambedkar is a country with a deepened sense of shame in its entire past. And thereby further disabled. ====''Freedom of expression – Secular Theocracy Versus Liberal Democracy'' (1998) ==== *"Secularists" are unnerved by the reaction [[L. K. Advani|Advani]]'s rath has evoked among Hindus. But it is not the rath which evoked it. The "victories" in having [[w:Shah Bano|Shah Bano]] reversed, in having [[Rushdie]] banned - "victories" which were loudly applauded by the "secularists"; the success in convincing political parties - which maps and lists - that Muslims would decide their fate in hundreds of constituencies; to say nothing of the "victories" of the violence in Punjab and [[Kashmir]] - the reaction is the cumulative result of these distortions in our polity. ** Fomenting Reaction by Arun Shourie, also in Goel, S.R. (ed.) : Freedom of Expression - Secular Theocracy Versus Liberal Democracy [http://web.archive.org/web/20140826192129/http://www.bharatvani.org/books/foe/ch10.htm] ====''Eminent Historians: Their Technology, Their Line, Their Fraud'' (1998) ==== *In June–July 1998, progressives kicked up quite a racket. The government has packed the Indian Council of Historical Research with pro–Ram Mandir historians, they shouted. It has surreptitiously altered the aims and objectives of the Council, they shouted. As is their wont, they had sparked the commotion by giving wind to a concoction. As is their wont too, they were charging others with planning to do in some undefined future what they had themselves been actually doing for decades – that is, write history to a purpose. *The most extensive deletions are ordered in regard to the chapter on ‘Aurangzeb’s policy on religion’. Every allusion to what he actually did to the Hindus, to their temples, to the very leitmotif of his rule – to spread the sway of Islam – are directed to be excised from the book. He is to be presented as one who had an aversion – an ordinary sort of aversion, almost a secular one – to music and dancing, to the presence of prostitutes in the court, and that it is these things he banished... In a word, no forcible conversions, no massacres, no destruction of temples. Just that Hinduism had created an exploitative, casteist society. Islam was egalitarian. Hence the oppressed Hindus embraced Islam!<br/> Muslim historians of those times are in raptures at the heap of kafirs who have been dispatched to hell. Muslim historians are forever lavishing praise on the ruler for the temples he has destroyed, for the hundreds of thousands he has got to see the light of Islam. Law books like The Hedaya prescribe exactly the options to which these little textbooks alluded. '''All whitewashed away.'''<br/>'''Objective whitewash for objective history. And today if anyone seeks to restore truth to these textbooks, the shout, ‘Communal rewriting of history’.''' *The real crime of these eminences does not lie in the loss they have inflicted in terms of money. It lies in the condition to which they have reduced institutions. It lies in their dereliction – because of which projects that were important for our country have languished. It lies even more in the use to which they have put those institutions.<br/>They have used them to have a comfortable time, of course. They have used them to puff up each other’s reputations, of course. But the worst of it is that they have used their control of these institutions to pervert public discourse, and thereby derail public policy.<br/> They have made India out to have been an empty land, filled by successive invaders. '''They have made present-day India, and Hinduism even more so, out to be a zoo – an agglomeration of assorted, disparate specimens. No such thing as ‘India’, just a geographical expression, just a construct of the British; no such thing as Hinduism, just a word used by Arabs to describe the assortment they encountered, just an invention of the communalists to impose a uniformity – that has been their stance. For this they have blackened the Hindu period of our history, and, as we shall see, strained to whitewash the Islamic period.''' They have denounced ancient India’s social system as the epitomy of oppression, and made totalitarian ideologies out to be egalitarian and just.<br/>They have belittled our ancient culture and exaggerated syncretistic elements which survived and made them out to have been an entire ‘culture’, the ‘composite culture’ as they call it. Which culture isn’t? And all the while they have taken care to hide the central facts about these common elements in the life of our people: that they had survived in spite of the most strenuous efforts spread over a thousand years of Islamic rulers and the ulema to erase them, that they had survived in spite of the sustained efforts during the last one hundred and fifty years of the missionaries and British rulers to make us forget and shed these elements, that the elements had survived their efforts to instead inflame each section to see its ‘identity’ and essence in factors which, if internalized, would set it apart. Most of all, these intellectuals and the like have completely diverted public view from the activities in our own day of organizations like the Tabhligi jamaat and the Church which are exerting every nerve, and deploying uncounted resources to get their adherents to discard every practice and belief which they share with their Hindu neighbours.<br/> These intellectuals and their patrons have worked a diabolic inversion: the inclusive religion, the pluralist spiritual search of our people and land, they have projected as intolerant, narrow-minded, obscurantist; and the exclusivist, totalitarian, revelatory religions and ideologies – Islam, Christianity, Marxism-Leninism – they have made out to be the epitomes of tolerance, open-mindedness, democracy, secularism! *And another thing: if an RSS publication publishes even an interview with me, that is further proof of my being communal; but so tough are the hymen of these progressives that, even when they contribute signed articles to publications of the Communist Party, their virginity remains intact! *As we have seen, the explicit part of the circular issued by the West Bengal government in 1989 in effect was that there must be no negative reference to Islamic rule in India. Although these were the very things which contemporary Islamic writers had celebrated, there must be no reference to the destruction of the temples by Muslim rulers, to the forcible conversion of Hindus, to the numerous other disabilities which were placed on the Hindu population. Along with the circular, the passages which had to be removed were listed and substitute passages were specified. The passages which were ordered to be deleted contained, if anything, a gross understatement of the facts. On the other hand, passages which were sought to be inserted contained total falsehoods: that by paying jizyah Hindus could lead ‘normal lives’ under an Islamic ruler like Alauddin Khalji! A closer study of the textbooks which are today being used under the authority of the West Bengal government shows a much more comprehensive, a much deeper design than that of merely erasing the cruelties of Islamic rule. *The position of these ‘academics’ in Bengal has, of course, been helped by the fact that the CPI(M) has been in power there for so long. But their sway has not been confined to the teaching and ‘research’ institutions of that state. It is no surprise, therefore, to see the same ‘line’ being poured down the throats of students at the national level. And so strong is the tug of intellectual fashion, so lethal can the controlling mafia be to the career of an academic that often, even though the academic may not quite subscribe to their propositions and ‘theses’, he will end up reciting those propositions. Else his manuscript will not be accepted as a textbook by the NCERT, for instance, it will not be reviewed…. *Notice the sleight of hand. The repair of temples is allowed! Temples can be constructed in villages! Temples can be constructed ‘within the privacy of homes’! Thus ‘liberal policy’ is the norm which is departed from only in times of war! And the ones who are fought and destroyed at such times are in any case ‘the enemies of Islam’! In times of peace, which are the times that prevailed normally, the norm prevails – that is, ‘the Hindus practice their religion openly and ostentatiously!’ Each of these assertions is a blatant falsehood. But these historians, having, through their control of institutions, set the standards of intellectual correctness, the one who questions the falsehoods, even though he does so by citing the writings of the best known Islamic historians of those very times, he is the one who is in the wrong. *Once they had occupied academic bodies, once they had captured universities and thereby determined what will be taught, which books will be prescribed, what questions would be asked, what answers will be acceptable, these historians came to decide what history had actually been! As it suits their current convenience and politics to make out that Hinduism also has been intolerant, they will glide over what Ambedkar says about the catastrophic effect that Islamic invasions had on Buddhism, they will completely suppress what he said of the nature of these invasions and of Muslim rule in his Thoughts on Pakistan,3 but insist on reproducing his denunciations of ‘Brahmanism’, and his view that the Buddhist India established by the Mauryas was systematically invaded and finished by Brahmin rulers.<br/>Thus, they suppress facts, they concoct others, they suppress what an author has said on one matter even as they insist that what he has said on another be taken as gospel truth. And when anyone attempts to point out what had in fact happened, they rise in chorus: a conspiracy to rewrite history, they shout, a plot to distort history, they scream. '''But they are the ones who have been distorting it in the first place – by suppressing the truth, by planting falsehoods.''' *And look at the finesse of these historians. They maintain that such facts and narratives must be swept under the carpet in the interest of national integration: recalling them will offend Muslims, they say, doing so will sow rancour against Muslims in the minds of Hindus, they say. Simultaneously, they insist on concocting the myth of Hindus destroying Buddhist temples. Will that concoction not distance Buddhists from Hindus? Will that narrative, specially when it does not have the slightest basis in fact, not embitter Hindus? *In regard to matter after critical matter – the Aryan-Dravidian divide, the nature of Islamic invasions, the nature of Islamic rule, the character of the freedom struggle – we find this trait – suppresso veri, suggesto falsi. This is the real scandal of history writing in the last thirty years. And it has been possible for these ‘eminent historians’ to perpetrate it because they acquired control of institutions like the ICHR. To undo the falsehood, the control has to be undone. *And so on – among the highest piles of rubble in the world of the sacred temples of another religion, among the highest piles of corpses of those venerated by another religion. Yet, in the reckoning of our eminent historians a policy of ‘Broad Toleration’! A policy of toleration guided by purely secular motivations! *But here in India a simplistic recitation of the earlier phrases and categories remained enough. It is not just fidelity to the masters, therefore, which characterizes the history writing by these eminences. It is a simple-mindedness!<br/>But there is an additional factor. Whitewashing the Islamic period is not the only feature which characterizes the work of these historians. There is in addition a positive hatred for the pre-Islamic period and the traditions of the country. Over the years entries about India in Soviet encyclopedias, for instance, became more and more ductile. They began to acknowledge ever so hesitantly that the categories and periods might need to be nuanced when they were extended to countries like China and India. They began to acknowledge that at various times there had been an overlapping and coexistence of different ‘stages’. And, perhaps for diplomatic reasons alone, they became increasingly circumspect – careful to avoid denigrating our traditions.<br/>In the standard two-volume Soviet work, A History of India, for instance, we find more or less the same characterization of the different periods in Indian histories as we do in the volumes of our eminent historians. But the Soviet volumes have none of the scorn and animosity which we have encountered in the volumes of our eminent historians. *Thus, there are two points to remember. First, our friends are not just Marxists, they are also Macaulayites. Second, they are Marxists in a special sense. They are Marxists in the sense that they have thought of themselves as Marxists, in the sense that they repeatedly regurgitate a handful of Marxist phrases and assertions. But more than being Marxist historians, they have been establishment historians. Their theories and ‘theses’ have accorded not just with the ‘classics’ of Marxism-Leninism, they have accorded with the ideology of, which in terms of their theory means, the needs of Congressite rulers. *Caste is real. The working class is real. Being a Naga is real. '''But ‘India is just a geographical expression!’''' Similarly, being a Muslim of course is real – Islam must be seen and talked of as one block of granite – ... '''But Hinduism? Why, there is no such thing: it is just an aggregation, a pile of assorted beliefs and practices''' – ... '''And anyone who maintains anything to the contrary is a fascist out to insinuate a unity, indeed to impose a uniformity, where there has been none.''' That is what our progressive ideologues declaim, as we have seen. In a word, the parts alone are real. The whole is just a construct. India has never been one, these ideologues insist – disparate peoples and regions were knocked together by the Aryans, by the Mughals, by the British for purposes of empire. Anyone who wants to use that construct – India – as the benchmark for determining the sort of structure under which we should live has a secret agenda – of enforcing Hindu hegemony.<br/>This is the continuance of, in a sense the culmination of, the [[Macaulay]]-Missionary technique. The British calculated that to subjugate India and hold it, they must undermine the essence of the people: this was Hinduism, and everything which flowed from it. Hence the doggedness with which they set about to undermine the faith and regard of the people for five entities: the gods and goddesses the Hindus revered; the temples and idols in which they were enshrined; the texts they held sacred; the language in which those texts and everything sacred in that tradition was enshrined and which was even in mid-nineteenth-century the lingua franca – that is, Sanskrit; and the group whose special duty it had been over aeons to preserve that way of life – the Brahmins. The other component of the same exercise was to prop up the parts – the non-Hindus, the regional languages, the castes and groups which they calculated would be the most accessible to the missionaries and the empire – the innocent tribals, the untouchables. *The situation thus is as follows: the ones who have dominated and controlled and terrorised public discourse for half a century in India are now bereft of facts, of arguments. The evidence is available to anyone who has access to their internal ‘dialogues’ – they are talking to narrower and narrower circles; and in these ever-shrinking circles, they are just repeating the old cliches, there is not a new idea, there is not a new fact. And that is predictable, as we have seen: regurgitating those nostrums of the theory is not just necessary, it is sufficient. *‘I would like to review your book myself,’ said the editor of one of our principal newspapers about Worshipping False Gods. ‘But if I praise it, they will be after me also. I too will be called communal, high-caste and all that.’ ‘Brilliant, Arun, it was fascinating,’ said a leading commentator who had written a review that inclined to the positive. ‘But, you’ll understand, I couldn’t say all that in print. But it really is brilliant. How do you manage to put in this much work?’ The very selection of reviewers tells the same story. If there is a book by a leftist, editors will be loath to give it to a person of a different point of view: ‘They will say, I have deliberately given it to a rightist,’ the editors are liable to explain. On the other hand, if it is a book by a person they have decided is a rightist, they will be loath to give it to a reviewer who also has been branded a rightist: ‘They will denounce me for deliberately giving the book to a person who is bound to praise it,’ they will bleat. Therefore, in such cases they deliberately give the book to a person who ‘is bound to condemn it’! *Furthermore, we are instructed, when we do come across instances of temple destruction, as in the case of Aurangzeb, we have to be circumspect in inferring what has happened and why.... the early monuments – like the Quwwat-ul-Islam mosque in Delhi – had to be built in ‘great haste’, we are instructed...Proclamation of political power, alone! And what about the religion which insists that religious faith is all, that the political cannot be separated from the religious? And the name: the Quwwat-ul-Islam mosque, the Might of Islam mosque? Of course, that must be taken to be mere genuflection! And notice: ‘available materials were assembled and incorporated’, they ‘clearly came from Hindu sources’ – may be the materials were just lying about; may be the temples had crumbled on their own earlier; may be the Hindus voluntarily broke their temples and donated the materials? No? After all, there is no proof they didn’t! And so, the word ‘plundered’ is repeatedly put within quotation marks!<br/>In fact, there is more. The use of such materials – from Hindu temples – for constructing Islamic mosques is part of ‘a process of architectural definition and accommodation by local workmen essential to the further development of a South Asian architecture for Islamic use’. The primary responsibility thus becomes that of those ‘local workmen’ and their ‘accommodation’. Hence, features in the Qutb complex come to ‘demonstrate a creative response by architects and carvers to a new programme’. A mosque that has clearly used materials, including pillars, from Hindu temples, in which undeniably ‘in the fabric of the central dome, a lintel carved with Hindu deities has been turned around so that its images face into the rubble wall’ comes ‘not to fix the rule’. ‘Rather, it stands in contrast to the rapid exploration of collaborative and creative possibilities – architectural, decorative, and synthetic – found in less fortified contexts.’ Conclusions to the contrary have been ‘misevaluations’. We are making the error of ‘seeing salvaged pieces’ – what a good word that, ‘salvaged ’: the pieces were not obtained by breaking down temples; they were lying as rubble and would inevitably have disintegrated with the passage of time; instead they were ‘salvaged ’, and given the honour of becoming part of new, pious buildings – ‘seeing salvaged pieces where healthy collaborative creativity was producing new forms’. *And yet, none of this is accidental. As we have seen in the texts that we have surveyed in this book, it is all part of a line. India turns out to be a recent construct. It turns out to be neither a country nor a nation. Hinduism turns out to be an invention – surprised at the word? You won’t be a few pages hence – of the British in the late nineteenth century. Simultaneously, it has always been inherently intolerant. Pre-Islamic India was a den of iniquity, of oppression. Islamic rule liberated the oppressed. It was in this period that the Ganga-Jamuna culture, the ‘composite culture’ of India was formed, with Amir Khusro as the great exponent of it, and the Sufi savants as the founts. The sense of nationhood did not develop even in that period. It developed only in response to British rule, and because of ideas that came to us from the West. But even this – the sense of being a country, of being a nation, such as it was – remained confined to the upper crust of Indians. It is the communists who awakened the masses to awareness and spread these ideas among them.<br/>In a word, India is not real – only the parts are real. Class is real. Religion is real – not the threads in it that are common and special to our religions but the aspects of religion that divide us, and thus ensure that we are not a nation, a country, those elements are real. Caste is real. Region is real. Language is real – actually, that is wrong: the line is that languages other than Sanskrit are real; Sanskrit is dead and gone; in any case, it was not, the averments in the great scholar, Horace Wilson to the House of Commons Select Committee notwithstanding, that it was the very basis, the living basis of other languages of the country; rather, it was the preserve of the upper layer, the instrument of domination and oppression; one of the vehicles of perpetuating false consciousness among the hapless masses. *The West Bengal Board of Secondary Education had issued instructions in 1989 that ‘Muslim rule should never attract any criticism. Destruction of temples by Muslim rulers and invaders should not be mentioned.’ *Their deceitful role in Ayodhya – which in the end harmed their clients more than anyone else – was just symptomatic. For fifty years this bunch has been suppressing facts and inventing lies. How concerned they pretend to be today about that objective of the ICHR – to promote objective and rational research into events of our past! How does this concern square with the guidelines issued by their West Bengal government in 1989 which Outlook itself had quoted – ‘Muslim rule should never attract any criticism. Destruction of temples by Muslim rulers and invaders should not be mentioned?’ But incorporating their wholesale fabrications of the destruction of Buddhist viharas, about the non-existent ‘Aryan invasion’, that is mandatory – to question them is to be communal, chauvinist! The capture of institutions like the ICHR has been bad enough, but in the end it has been a device. The major crime of these ‘historians’ has been this partisanship: suppresso veri, suggesto falsi. *The press is a ready example of their efforts, and of the skills they have acquired in this field. They have taken care to steer their members and sympathizers into journalism. And within journalism, they have paid attention to even marginal niches. Consider books. A book by one of them has but to reach a paper, and suggestions of names of persons who would be specially suitable for reviewing it follow. As I mentioned, the editor who demurs, and is inclined to send the book to a person of a different hue is made to feel guilty, to feel that he is deliberately ensuring a biased, negative review. That selecting a person from their list may be ensuring a biased acclamation is talked out. The pressures of prevailing opinion are such, and editors so eager to evade avoidable trouble, that they swiftly select one of the recommended names...<br/>You have only to scan the books pages of newspapers and magazines over the past fifty years to see what a decisive effect even this simple stratagem has had. Their persons were in vital positions in the publishing houses: and so their kind of books were the ones that got published. They then reviewed, and prescribed each other’s books. On the basis of these publications and reviews they were able to get each other positions in universities and the like…. Even positions in institutions which most of us would not even suspect exist were put to intense use. How many among us would know of an agency of government which determines bulk purchases of books for government and other libraries. But they do! So that if you scan the kinds of books this organization has been ordering over the years, you will find them to be almost exclusively the shades of red and pink....<br/>So, their books are selected for publication. They review each other’s books. Reputations are thereby built. Posts are thereby garnered. A new generation of students is weaned wearing the same pair of spectacles – and that means yet another generation of persons in the media, yet another generation of civil servants, of teachers in universities…. *The example we would do well to keep in front of us is that of the Dalai Lama. He was giving a discourse on a Tibetan text about meditation. He read out a sentence, laughed and remarked, ‘Buddhist theories of creation, a disgrace! Must throw them out!’ He advises that we should keep a wastepaper basket nearby – whatever doesn’t accord with what we know now, we should cast into that basket. ‘Buddhism must face facts,’ that is what he teaches. Accordingly, he has opened Buddhist texts to minute examination. (...) That reflects confidence in one’s tradition. That is true service to the tradition. That is the way to preserve for the future ‘the pearl of great price’ in it. * But today the fashion is to ascribe the extinction of Buddhism to the persecution of Buddhists by Hindus, to the destruction of their temples by the Hindus. One point is that the Marxist historians who have been perpetrating this falsehood have not been able to produce even an iota of evidence to substantiate the concoction. In one typical instance, Romila Thapar had cited three inscriptions. The indefatigable [[Sita Ram Goel]] looked them up. Two of these turned out to have absolutely no connection with Buddhist viharas or their destruction, and the one that did deal with an object being destroyed had been held by authorities to have been a concoction; in any event, it told a story which was as different from what the historian had insinuated as day from night. *The accompanying pages contain two columns: aushuddho – impurity, or error – and shuddho. One has just to glance through the changes to see the objective the progressives are trying to achieve through their ‘objective’, ‘rational’ approach to the writing of history. *Thus, not just whitewash, hogwash too. ;About the book * The first major criticism of the ‘left-liberal’ or ‘progressive’ historians was made by Arun Shourie with special reference to the state of the ICHR in their control.” **D. K. Chakrabarti, Nationalism in the Study of Ancient Indian History (Aryan Books International, Delhi). and quoted in [https://koenraadelst.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-case-of-good-nationalism-dk.html] *“Eminent historians” is what they call one another, and what their fans call them. When they don’t have an answer to an opponent’s arguments, they pompously dismiss him as not having enough “eminence”. So when Arun Shourie wrote about some abuses in this sector, he called his book Eminent Historians. It is also a pun on an old book about prominent colonial-age personalities, Eminent Victorians. **Elst, K. [https://koenraadelst.blogspot.com/2016/05/interview-in-monthly-swarajya.html Interview, Swarajya, May 2016)] ===2000s=== ====''Harvesting our souls: Missionaries, their design, their claims'' (2000) ==== *If you had been in India in late 1998-early 1999, and the English-language "national" newspapers had been your source of information about what was going on, you would have concluded that an extensive, well coordinated pogrom was on, that maniacal Hindu groups were going round raping nuns, attacking missionaries, burning down churches. (p 7) *There indeed was a conspiracy it runs out, and a communal one at that. The whole thing was a concoction - by those whose agenda it is to paint Hindus as communalists on the rampage, and the RSS, BJP, etc., as organizations which are orchestrating a "pogrom". "Investigations, however revealed that what Sister Mary said in the FIR was not true," records Justice Wadhwa. "It was a made-up story. Investigations found that there was in fact no rape of Sister Mary... B.B. Panda, Director General of Police stated that the 'rape of the nun' case was projected and highlighted all over the world and was also projected as an attack on Christians when in fact it was not true, and the case turned out to be false." (9-10) *The contrast between the truth about the incidents and what they were made out to be should alert our newspapers and TV channels not to shoot off accounts without examining the facts. In particular, they must not go merely by the allegations of communalism-mongers.(13) *Several groups have several reasons for manufacturing calumny - from money to idelogy to the crassest kind of politics. Many of these are well-organized, some, as we shall see, have well-knit, world-wide networks. And they have honed expertise in manufacturing atrocity-stories, in broadcasting them round the globe, and in putting their manufactures to profitable use. (13) *High priority must be given to work among Hindu women, they say, "since they are the custodians of the faith"... (62) ====''Self-Deception : India's China Policies; Origins, Premises, Lessons'' (2008) ==== :Arun Shourie - Self-Deception _ India's China Policies_ Origins, Premises, Lessons-Harper Collins (2008, 2013) * The brutal—the customarily brutal—way in which the Chinese government suppressed the protests by Tibetans in Lhasa in the months preceding the 2008 Beijing Olympics once again drew attention to the enormous crime that the world has refused to see: the systematic way in which an entire people have been reduced to a minority in their own land; the cruelty with which they are being crushed; the equally systematic way in which their religion and ancient civilization are being erased. Protests by Tibetans in different cities across the world, joined as they were by large numbers of citizens of those countries, had the same effect.<br>No government anywhere in the world did what the Manmohan Singh government did in Delhi, no government reacted in as craven and as frightened a manner as our government did. The Olympic Torch was to be relayed across just about two kilometres—from Vijay Chowk to India Gate. The government stationed over twenty thousand troops, paramilitary personnel, policemen and plainclothes men in and around that short stretch. Tibetan refugees were beaten and sequestered. Government offices were closed. Roads were blocked. The Metro was shut down. Even members of Parliament were stopped from going to their homes through the square that adjoins Parliament, the Vijay Chowk.<br>Do you think that any of this was done out of love for the Olympics?<br>It was done out of fear of China. *Now, this is a favourite phrase of Panditji—‘the long-term view’—as is ‘the larger considerations’. Whenever he deploys the former, you can be sure that he is preparing the case for ceding ground. Whenever he deploys the latter, you can be sure that he is preparing the case for ceding specifically the country’s interest. *Recall, what he had told the Tibetans—that India would help diplomatically. That help now has come to mean that India will keep China in good humour even as it crushes Tibet, so that it may not crush Tibet more swiftly. *We can see the operational conclusion that flows from such reasoning. As the main advance has halted, there is nothing that we need to do. When the main advance resumes, the full picture is not clear. When it is completed, and the place is subjugated, there is nothing for us to do as, by then, the place has already been subjugated. For us to do or say anything will only enrage the occupiers, and bring even greater hardship on the poor Tibetans! *He speaks at length, that is, but scarcely touches on any of the specific matters that members had raised. *The view that he disapproves is always unbalanced; or stuck in the past; or stuck in the cold war mould; or subjective and emotional... *The Dalai Lama is in India at India’s invitation. Panditji meets him on 26 and 28 November 1956. The Dalai Lama is distraught. Panditji jots down the points of their exchange. The Dalai Lama puts the figure of Chinese troops in Tibet at 120,000, the very figure for which Panditji had come down on Apa Pant. The [[w:Subimal Dutt|foreign secretary]] inserts a paragraph in Panditji’s notings about the talks: ‘The Dalai Lama appealed to India for help. PM’s reply was that, apart from other considerations, India was not in a position to give any effective help to Tibet; nor were other countries in a position to do so. Dalai Lama should not resist land reforms.’ Instead of help, Panditji gives advice. He records the advice he gives: ‘D.L. should become the leader of the reform. Best way we can help is by maintaining friendly relations with China, otherwise China would fear our designs in Tibet.’ An excuse, and a presumptuous one—‘otherwise China would fear our designs in Tibet.’ *As the principal object of this brief book is to set out the evolution of India’s China-policy in Panditji’s own words, and to show how those assumptions and habits continue to endanger us today, I have kept annotations to the minimum. But what Panditji did and said and wrote in regard to China does deserve to be analyzed almost at the psychological and linguistic level! For his stance, his formulations, his rationalizations are rooted in habits, in mental processes. Not just his assumptions and premises persist among policy-makers, those very habits and mental processes persist. In the 1950s, they went unquestioned because of the lofty position that Panditji occupied in our lives and discourse. Today, they go equally unquestioned—though for a different reason: discourse has got so dumbed-down that no assumption or premise is examined as it should be. An illustration will bring home the consequence. Among the habits that persist, one is especially harmful as it rationalizes going-along at an almost subliminal level. This is the habit of slipping in a thought or sentence which excuses one from facing the facts. We see this in Pandit Nehru’s writings and spoken word at every turn. ... *A contributing factor certainly must have been the contempt that Mao, Chou En-lai and others felt for India and Indians. This comes through again and again in conversation after conversation of the Chinese leaders. Chou and Kissinger agree on how India is the one that is causing the troubles in East Pakistan; on what China and US should together do to halt India in the tracks; they agree about not just what is ‘the Indian tradition’—deceit, blaming others—but just as much about the Indian character—marked by ingratitude.⁴ The contempt and coordination show through even more dramatically in the conversations that Kissinger later has with the permanent representative of China at the UN, Huang Hua, during which he asks Huang Hua to assure Chou En-lai that, should China take military action against India to divert it from pursuing its assault on Pakistan, the US will hold the Soviet Union at bay. Nixon, Pompidou and Kissinger are exchanging views about the state of the world. Nixon summarizes the Chinese assessments: ‘...the attitude of the Chinese towards their neighbours can be summed up in this way. The Russians they hate and fear now. The Japanese they fear later but do not hate. For the Indians they feel contempt but they are there and backed by the U.S.S.R.’ ===2010s=== *I don't see the difference between the two. I feel they (the BJP and the Congress) are one party. They are jointly ruling. It is a dinner party. They meet at dinners. They meet socially. They decide on what has to be done about issues. <br>First, the media should write about itself. It is extremely short-sighted about the media to black out these things. The Mitrokhin Archives revealed how (the then Soviet intelligence agency) the KGB boasted that they were able to plant 400 stories in such and such Indian newspapers. The Indian media blacked it out. Then, privatetreaties of The Times of India that other people have now adopted has been completely blacked out.... When the Press Council of India was forced to appoint a committee to look into the allegations about 'paid news', the Press Council itself suppressed the report. **[https://www.rediff.com/news/report/interview-arun-shourie-on-the-real-meaning-of-the-radia-tapes1/20101201.htm Interview] 2010 ====''Falling Over Backwards'' (2012) ==== *The first derailment was caused by plucking the words ‘of their choice’ out of context, by tearing them away from the object for which Articles 29 and 30 gave minorities the right to set up and administer institutions. A normal engineering college or a college of dentistry can by no stretch be taken to be an institution that has been set up to help conserve the language, script or culture of the minority. Yet, provided the engineering or dentistry college has been set up by members of a minority, it was presumed to enjoy the protection of Articles 29 and 30, and thereby be beyond the reach of the state. *The result has been as predictable as it is iniquitous and absurd: if Ram Sharan sets up an engineering college, the state as well as the university concerned can prescribe all sorts of things it must do; if Mohammed Aslam sets up an exact clone of that engineering college across the road, teaching exactly the same subjects, using exactly the same textbooks, neither the state nor the university can regulate its functioning! *On the other hand, when sticking to the text is what will advance the judgment, they become strict constructionists. Some of the most conspicuous instances of this can be found in judgments relating to Article 30, the article that deals with the ‘right of minorities to establish and administer educational institutions’. The country had been partitioned on the cry that Muslims will never be secure in a united India. The framers were naturally keen to reassure the minorities that they would be free to preserve their religion, language and culture. Accordingly, Article 29 was enacted guaranteeing them and assuring them of this freedom. In case they wanted to set up institutions for safeguarding their language, culture, religion, Article 30 was enacted assuring them that ‘All minorities, whether based on religion or language, shall have the right to establish and administer educational institutions of their choice.’ The context made the purpose clear: minorities would have the freedom to set up such institutions as they thought would best preserve their culture, religion, language. But, given what has been the climate of discourse since the framing of the Constitution, the judges became literalists. Minorities would have the right to set up and manage ‘educational institutions of their choice’ irrespective of the purpose for which the institution was set up. Thus, engineering colleges and dental colleges set up by a family of, say, Muslims would have freedoms from state regulation and oversight that engineering and dental colleges set up by run-of-the-mill Indians would not. *Now, these are not stray phrases thrown in to light up a purple passage. They are stances, they are standpoints that indicate the direction in which that judgment will go, they are signposts which tell us where the reasoning being advanced in the text will eventually end. Such formulations have a significance beyond the particular judgment in which they figure. Succeeding benches can strike the same pose and gallop further in the same direction. *We comfort ourselves: at least, the virus of reservations has not got into judicial appointments; at least, reservations have not been extended to Muslims and Christians. Both notions are just make-believe. *As for reservations not having been extended to members of religions that repudiate caste – Islam, Christianity, Sikhism – again, that is but make-believe. The chairman of the Minorities Commission, my friend Tarlochan Singh, sends me a list of fifty-eight castes and of fourteen tribal groups, Muslim members of which have been given reservations. Even those who convert to one of these religions, continue to remain entitled to reservation. The rule in Tamil Nadu is that if the name of the father falls in the lists of Backward Castes/Most Backward Castes/Scheduled Castes/Scheduled Tribes, then, even if the person has converted to another religion, he remains entitled to reservations. In Gujarat, members of Backward Castes continue to avail of not just reservations but even of advantages under the roster system after conversion – 137 castes and sub-castes have been listed as socially and educationally backward in the state; of these, twenty-eight belong to the Muslim community. In Karnataka, ‘caste at birth’ is the norm. In UP, several Muslim castes are included in the reservation list – Lalbegi, Mazhabis, even Ansaris. The position is no different in Madhya Pradesh, in West Bengal. The Indian Express correspondent in Kolkata reports that the government of the ostentatiously secular CPI(M) strained to have reservations in government service as well as educational institutions extended to Muslims qua Muslims, and directed the state Minorities Commission to ascertain how such reservation had been decreed in Andhra Pradesh. The plan has had to be deferred for the time being, he writes, Only because the Andhra Pradesh High Court has struck down the Andhra order as unconstitutional. *Even as moves are afoot to get the Andhra judgment reversed, the government has directed the armed forces to count soldiers and officers by their religion. Nor is this move an inadvertence. It has arisen as a result of a committee that the government has appointed under a former chief justice of Delhi, Rajinder Sachar -each member of which has been carefully selected for his ‘secular’ beliefs. Each term of reference on which it is to supply information and make recommendations, as we noted at the outset, has been just as carefully selected to justify reservations and other concessions to Muslims as a religious group. *With elections looming, in January 2006, the Government of Kerala announced another ‘package’ of reservations for backward castes and for Muslims: service rules of the state shall be altered to permit direct recruitment of these sections so as to fill the 40 per cent quota that has been set aside for them; if suitable candidates are not available from these sections, the vacancies shall not be filled by merit; the state Public Service Commission shall prepare an ‘additional supplementary list’ so that the vacancies may be filled only by these sections; 20 per cent of the seats shall be reserved for these castes in graduate and postgraduate courses in government colleges; the chief minister will himself monitor the implementation of the reservation policy; there shall be a permanent commission to ensure that reservations are fully filled... *With elections upon them, the DMK and its allies announced in Tamil Nadu that, once in office, they will bring forth legislation to give reservations to Muslims and Christians. *The Jharkhand government, in turn, has announced that members of thirty-two tribes that are the most backward – literacy level among nine of them is said to be just 10 per cent – shall be directly recruited into government service; those among them who pass the graduation examination shall not have to take the qualifying examination which all others who enter government service have to take. *And beware, the progressive judges have already put out the basis for extending reservations to Muslims or Christians as Muslims and Christians. The word that the Constitution uses is ‘communities’, the word it uses is ‘classes’, Justices Jeevan Reddy, Sawant and Thommen hold in Indra Sawhney. ‘Community’ and ‘class’ are wider than ‘caste’, they say. So, entities wider than ‘caste’ can certainly be subsumed under them, they say – the only proviso being that the groups so identified be ‘backward’. Second, in spite of the teachings of Islam, Christianity and Sikhism, castes persist in these religions also, they explain in justification. As that is the reality, it would be invidious to restrict access to reservations to the backward sections of Hindus alone...3 *How far we have descended! Today progressives dress up their casteism as secularism! The benefits of reservation shall be extended to Muslims and Christians also, they proudly announce. In Andhra the decision of the government has had to be twice struck down by the courts – the government had decreed reservations for Muslims qua Muslims. Even as moves are afoot to get that judgment reversed, the Central government directed the armed forces to count soldiers and officers by their religion. Nor was the move an inadvertence. It arose as a result of a committee that the government had appointed under a former chief justice of the Delhi High Court. Each member of the committee has been carefully selected for his ‘secular’ and ‘progressive’ beliefs. Each term of reference on which the committee has been asked to supply information and make recommendations has been just as carefully selected to justify reservations and other concessions to Muslims as a religious group: *Every single item betrays the singular purpose of the whole exercise–to provide the rationale for extending reservations to Muslims. Nor is that opportunism confined to the present ruling coalition. In the run-up to the 2005 elections in Bihar, rival groups were vying with each other promising reservations for Muslims qua Muslims. *The object of the framers of the Constitution was, as ours must be, quite the opposite. It was to wipe out the cancer of caste even from Hindu society. Only with the greatest reluctance did they agree to allow reservations for the Scheduled Castes and Tribe – for they felt that doing even this much would perpetuate caste distinctions. The reservations were, therefore, to be exceptions to the general rule. ===2020s=== ====''Preparing: For Death'', 2020==== *One must reflect deeply on the nature of the adversity, and on how it may be converted into an instrument for growth. The routine Gandhiji set for himself was always so much stricter and so much more demanding than anything that a jailer would have thought of imposing on anyone. Similarly, picture Vinoba in solitary confinement in that cell, 8 feet by 9 feet in dimension: how he converts imprisonment into ashram life; how in that tiny space, in forced and complete isolation, he retains his mental discipline by meditating for two to three hours every day; how he disciplines himself physically by walking every day for eight hours inside that suffocating cell, and thereby covering ten miles—covering ten miles in a cell 8 feet by 9 feet every single day! In both cases, control remained in the hands of the prisoner, not the jailer—a very important factor in dealing with adversity. ** Arun Shourie, ''Preparing: For Death.'' Penguin Random House India Private Limited, 2020. ISBN 935305978X, 9789353059781 *The rituals—for instance, those we go through during a marriage ceremony—were devised to imbed certain values into us: the experience of centuries had led thoughtful persons to see that going through those steps, that reciting those mantras and reflecting on them would help us internalize those values, and mould our lives accordingly. But what do we do today? First, we outsource the ritual—to a pandit, say. As he goes through the motions prescribed for solemnizing a marriage, as he chants those mantras, we don’t have a clue about the meaning of the words that he is reciting, nor of the steps—‘Now pour some water on the earth, and then on . . .’ Nor do we care: ‘Panditji, puja zaraa jaldi khatam kar deejiye. Guest dinner ke liye wait kar rahen hain’—‘Panditji, please conclude the puja a bit quickly. The guests are waiting for dinner.’ ** Arun Shourie, ''Preparing: For Death.'' Penguin Random House India Private Limited, 2020. ISBN 935305978X, 9789353059781 ==Quotes about Arun Shourie== *In the end, India had to wait till 1998 for Arun Shourie’s Eminent Historians to be published. This book uncovered in detail after ghastly detail, this multi-layered assault on the national psyche that has disfigured the minds of at least three generations regarding the vital truths of their own nation. And thanks to this seminal contribution, “Eminent Historian” has fittingly become a swearword in the Indian public discourse. **S. Balakrishna, Seventy years of secularism. 2018. *Anyone who thought India had dismantled its notorious system of bureaucratic controls when it embarked on economic reform in 1991 ought to consult Arun Shourie. As cabinet minister (at various times since 1998) for privatisation, administrative reform, information technology and telecommunications, Mr Shourie's observations are close to the bone. The Hindu nationalist-led government in which Mr Shourie was the most prominent economic reformer was thrown out last May. Franz Kafka would have had difficulty dreaming up some of the examples cited in Mr Shourie's book. ... But it is what India's bureaucracy is like under normal conditions that matters and Mr Shourie does a depressingly thorough job in chronicling it. One can only hope that India's senior civil servants find the time to read this book - and have the grace to wince. **[[Edward Luce]], India's tragic comedy of civil disservice, book review in Financial Times. November 9, 2004 *Muslim leaders and Stalinist historians were raising a howl about Hindu chauvinism when it came to the notice of Arun Shourie, the Chief Editor of the Indian Express at that time, that some significant passages had been omitted from the English translation of an Urdu book written long ago by the father of Ali Mian, the famous Muslim theologian from Lucknow. He wrote an article, Hideaway Communalism, in the Indian Express of February 5, 1989 pointing out how the passages regarding destruction of Hindu temples and building of mosques on their sites at Delhi, Jaunpur, Kanauj, Etawah, Ayodhya, Varanasi and Mathura had been dropped from the English translation published by Ali Mian himself. This was a new and dramatic departure from the norm observed so far by the prestigious press. Publishing anything which said that Islam was less than sublime had been taboo for a long time. I was pleasantly surprised, and named Arun Shourie as the [[Gorbachev]] of India. He had thrown open the windows and let in fresh breeze in a house full of the stinking garbage of stale slogans. **Goel, S.R. How I became a Hindu (1993, revised ed.) *[Arun Shourie's article 'Hideaway Communalism'] had violated a taboo placed by the mass media and the academia on any unfavourable narration of the history of Islam since the days when Mahatma Gandhi took command of the Indian National Congress and launched his first non-cooperation movement in support of the Turkish Khilafat. **Goel, S.R. Hindu Temples – What Happened to Them, Volume I (1990) Preface, 2nd edition, p. xiii. *Arun Shourie had shown great courage. But he had counted without the secularist crowd which had access to the owner of the Indian Express. He told me on the phone that there was some trouble brewing. I have never talked to him about the nature of the trouble, and do not know if my articles had anything to do with his ouster from the Indian Express next year. All I know is that he had to slow down the publication of my next two articles. **Goel, S.R. How I became a Hindu (1993, revised ed.) *Mani Shankar Aiyar totally condemns one of Arun Shourie's books, and then goes on to declare that he has decided not to read it : "Shourie gave the final touches to the manuscript of his book on Islam, a work so vicious and perverted that every English speaking Muslim I know was outraged... I decided then to show my solidarity with secularism by not reading the book." (The book he refers to, is apparently Shourie's Religion in Politics, a very sane and sober look at several Scriptures in the light of reason.) **Elst, Koenraad. Ayodhya and after: issues before Hindu society. Voice of India. 1991. *The problem of book-banning and censorship on Islam criticism is compounded by the related problem of self- censorship. Thus, when in late 1992, the famous columnist Arun Shourie wanted to publish a collection of his columns on Islamic fundamentalism, esp. the Rushdie and Ayodhya affairs (Indian Controversies), the publisher withdrew at the last moment, afraid of administrative or physical reprisals, and the printer also backed out. Earlier, Shourie had been lucky to find one paper willing to publish these columns, for most Indian newspapers strictly keep the lid on Islam criticism. Hindu society is a terrorized society. **Elst, Koenraad. Negationism in India: concealing the record of Islam. Voice of India. 1992 *Arun Shourie was sacked as Indian Express editor, apparently under government pressure, after revealing that, in October 1990, Prime Minister V.P. Singh had aborted his own compromise arrangement on Ayodhya under pressure from Imam Bukhari, prominent member of the BMAC. **Koenraad Elst. Ayodhya: the case against the temple. 2002 * Or take A Secular Agenda by Arun Shourie, PhD from Syracure NY and stunningly successful Disinvestment Minister in the AB Vajpayee Government, when India scored its highest economic growth figures. It was a very important book, and it left no stone standing of the common assumption among so-called experts that India (with its religion-based civil codes and its discriminatory laws against Hinduism) is a secular state, i.e. a state in which all citizens are equal before the law, regardless of their religion. Though the book deconstructs the bedrock on which the “experts” have built their view of modern India, they have never formulated a refutation. Instead, they just keep on repeating their own deluded assumption, as in: “The BJP threatens India’s structure as a secular state.” (Actually, the BJP does not, and India is not.) They can do so because they are secure in the knowledge that, among the audiences that matter, their camp controls the sphere of discourse. Concerning the interface between religion and modern politics, the established “academic” view is not just defective, it is an outrageous failure. **Elst, Koenraad. Hindu dharma and the culture wars. (2019). New Delhi : Rupa. *The only ray of light in this encircling gloom was Arun Shourie, the veteran journalist and the chief editor of the Indian express at that time. On February 5, 1989, he frontpaged an article, Hideaway Communalism, showing that while the Urdu version of a book by Maulana Hakim Sayid Abdul Hai of the Nadwatul-Ulama at Lucknow had admitted that seven famous mosques had been built on the sites of Hindu temples, the English translation published by the Maulana’s son, Abul Hasan Ali Nadwi (Ali Mian) had eschewed the “controversial evidence”. He also published in the Indian Express three articles written by me on the subject of Islamic iconoclasm. This was a very courageous defiance of the ban imposed by Islam and administered by Secularism, namely, that crimes committed by Islam cannot even be whispered in private, not to speak of being proclaimed in public. **Goel, S. R. (1993). Hindu temples: What happened to them. (Second Enlarged Edition) [https://web.archive.org/web/20120429114113/http://www.bharatvani.org:80/books/htemples2/] *He dismisses Arun Shourie by pigeon-holing him as ‘post-modern’. He does not know that Hinduism has its own view of Time, and that a person who serves Sanatana Dharma cannot be dated. Scholars like Arun Shourie belong neither to the past, nor to the present, nor yet to the future. They belong to a timeless span. **S.R. Goel, History of Hindu-Christian Encounters (1996) * Just then Shourie was sacked as its editor. The reason was not so much the article, but, apparently, his entire policy of including columns by Hindu communalists like Ram Swarup and Sita Ram Goel, and his own articles that debunked some of the prevalent secularism, such as Hideaway Communalism. ** Elst, Koenraad (1991). Ayodhya and after: Issues before Hindu society. *I thank particularly my friend Arun Shourie because we need people like Arun Shourie to challenge us so that we can rectify our mistakes and all together collectively move towards the creation of a new India, a new humanity. ** Fr. Augustine Kanjamala, quoted in Shourie, Arun. Arun Shourie and his Christian Critic. (1995) * It is clear that Witzel himself has a political agenda: note his resentment of the “present Indian (right wing) denouncement of the ‘eminent historians’ of Delhi” (§9) – some of these “eminent historians” actively collaborated with Witzel and Farmer in their recent media-blitz in the Indian press. The reader is invited to go carefully through Arun SHOURIE’s book “Eminent Historians” (1998), which is being referred to here, and see the kind of political scholarship to whose defense Witzel has no compunctions in rushing! **S. Talageri. Michael Witzel – An Examination of his Review of my Book (2001) *As for Shourie, Mukhia is hardly revealing a secret with his information that Shourie “does journalism for a living”. The greatest investigative journalist in India by far, he has indeed unearthed some dirty secrets of Congressite, casteist and Communist politicians. His revelations about the corrupt financial dealings between the Marxist historians and the government-sponsored academic institutions are in that same category: fearless and factual investigative journalism. Shourie has a Ph.D. degree in Economics from Syracuse University in U.S.A., which should attest to a capacity for scholarship, even if not strictly in the historical field. When he criticizes the gross distortions of history by Mukhia’s school, one could say formally that he transgresses the boundaries of his specialism, but such formalistic exclusives only hide the absence of a substantive refutation. **Elst K. Ayodhya: The Case Against the Temple, chapter 4 * When Shourie's articles first appeared, they aroused great emotions and savage attacks. He quoted from the Bible and the Quran extensively on the question of co-existence. Many were shocked.... Shourie has called his book, Religion in Politics; someday he should bring out another book, Politics in Religion....The first book discusses politics complicated by religions factors; the second would discuss religions which are essentially political... **Ram Swarup, Hinduism and monotheistic religions (2009) == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{Modern Hindu writers}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Shourie, Arun}} [[Category:1941 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Journalists from India]] [[Category:Economists from India]] [[Category:Politicians from India]] [[Category:Anti-communists]] [[Category:Investigative journalists]] [[Category:Hindus]] 4prqdx3o8m4w3lm827gjifk4nf3rrpq 0 37978 3778894 3774294 2025-07-14T21:58:34Z 73.108.26.197 /* Dialogue */ 3778894 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Kramer vs. Kramer|Kramer vs. Kramer]]''''' is a [[w:1979 in film|1979 film]] about a divorce and its impact on everyone involved, including the couple's young son. It received five Academy Awards at the 52nd Academy Awards in 1980, in the categories of Best Picture, Best Actor, Best Supporting Actress, Best Director, and Best Adapted Screenplay. :''Directed and written by [[w:Robert Benton|Robert Benton]], adapted from the novel by [[w:Avery Corman|Avery Corman]].'' == Ted Kramer == * ''[having lunch with his boss]'' So the other morning, I'm at the refrigerator... you know, getting Billy ready for school. So I'm just in my underwear and he notices I've lost weight. And he comes in and pats me. He comes up to here... ''[touches his stomach]''... and he says "Daddy, you've really lost a lot of weight", he looks up at me and he says "And it's all gone to your nose." ''[laughs]'' He was so cute. You know? * ''[in court]'' There's a lot of things I didn't understand, a lot of things I'd do different if I could. Just like I think there's a lot of things you wish you could change, but we can't. Some things once they're done can't be undone. My wife, my ex-wife, says that she loves Billy, and I believe she does, but I don't think that's the issue here. * If I understand it correctly, what means the most here is what's best for our son. What's best for Billy. My wife used to always say to me: 'Why can't a woman have the same ambitions as a man?' I think you're right. And maybe I've learned that much. But by the same token, I'd like to know, what law is it that says that a woman is a better parent simply by virtue of her sex? You know, I've had a lot of time to think about what it is it that makes somebody a good parent? You know, it has to do with constancy, it has to do with patience, it has to do with listening to him. It has to do with pretending to listen to him when you can't even listen anymore. It has to do with love, like, like, like she was saying. And I don't know where it's written that it says that a woman has a corner on that market, that, that a man has any less of those emotions than a woman does. * Billy has a home with me. I've made it the best I could. It's not perfect. I'm not a perfect parent. Sometimes I don't have enough patience because I forget that he's a little kid. But I'm there. We get up in the morning and then we eat breakfast, and he talks to me and then we go to school. And at night, we have dinner together and we talk then and I read to him. And, and we built a life together and we love each other. If you destroy that, it may be irreparable. Joanna, don't do that, please. Don't do it twice to him. == Dialogue == :'''Joanna Kramer''': I love you, Billy. :'''Billy Kramer''': I love you too, Mommy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ted Kramer''': For the last six months I've been spitting blood to get this agency one of the biggest account it's ever had. And at five o'clock this afternoon, we got the account. At eight o'clock, I am walking home with the vice president and tells me I'll be the next creative director of this department. I come through this door to share with my wife one of the five best days of my life, and she looks at me and tells me she doesn't want to live with me anymore!. Can't you understand what she's done to me? :'''Margaret Phelps''': Yeah, She loused up one of the five best days of your life. :'''Ted Kramer''': You're terrific. Boy, you're.... thanks very much, really. Sisterhood. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ted Kramer''': Margaret, I just need to know something. Did you set my wife up to this? :'''Margaret Phelps''': No, I did not put Joanna up to this. :'''Ted Kramer''': Give her a little pep talk, maybe? :'''Margaret Phelps''': Joanna is a very unhappy woman and it took a lot of courage for her to walk out of here. :'''Ted Kramer''': Really. How much courage does it take to walk out on your kid? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Billy Kramer''': When's mommy coming back? :'''Ted Kramer''': I don't know, Billy, soon. :'''Billy Kramer''': How soon? :'''Ted Kramer''': Soon. :'''Billy Kramer''': Will she pick me up after school? :'''Ted Kramer''': Probably. And if she doesn't I will. :'''Billy Kramer''': What if you forget? :'''Ted Kramer''': I won't forget. :'''Billy Kramer''': What if you get run over by a truck and get killed? :'''Ted Kramer''': Then Mommy will pick you up. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Phyllis, naked, leaves the bedroom to use the bathroom. She runs into Billy, who is en route to the same place]'' :'''Billy Kramer and Phyllis Bernard''': ''[simultaneously]'' Hi. :'''Billy Kramer''': What's your name? :'''Phyllis Bernard''': I'm Phyllis Bernard. :'''Billy Kramer''': Who? :'''Phyllis Bernard''': I'm a friend... uh, business associate of your father's... dad. :'''Ted Kramer''': ''[In the bedroom]'' Oh, Jesus. :'''Billy Kramer''': Do you like fried chicken? :'''Phyllis Bernard''': Fried chicken? Very much. :'''Billy Kramer''': So do I. :'''Phyllis Bernard''': Umm... well, it's really... It's been nice seeing you and... :'''Billy Kramer''': Bye. :'''Phyllis Bernard''': Bye. :''[Phyllis comes back to the bedroom]'' :'''Phyllis Bernard''': Kramer, I just met your son. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Ted and Billy are having dinner]'' :'''Ted Kramer''': How was school today? :'''Billy Kramer''': Same as usual. :'''Ted Kramer''': Hey, I see the Knicks finally won a game, what do you know? :'''Billy Kramer''': I don't care. :'''Ted Kramer''': What do you mean? :'''Billy Kramer''': I like Boston. :'''Ted Kramer''': Boston? Why do you like Boston? :'''Billy Kramer''': Because Mommy's from Boston. :'''Ted Kramer''': Okay, sit up and try to eat. Come on. :'''Billy Kramer''': Can I be excused? I wanna go to bed. :'''Ted Kramer''': Too much birthday cake? :'''Billy Kramer''': Yeah, I guess. :'''Ted Kramer''': I'm sorry. Excuse me. Louise, give me a hand. :'''Louise''': You're 15 minutes late. Mr. O'Connor is very upset. :'''Ted Kramer''': This all of it? :'''Louise''': Yes. Do you want your mail now? :'''Ted Kramer''': No, just give me the messages. Remind me to get a Crying Chrissie doll at lunch. :'''Louise''': Okay, okay. :'''Ted Kramer''': Sorry I'm late. :'''Louise''': And there's a PTA meeting at the school on Tuesday at 4. :'''Ted Kramer''': Right, thanks. Put the chicken in the refrigerator. :'''Margaret Kramer''': Know who Charley's seeing now? :'''Ted Kramer''': Who? :'''Margaret Kramer''': A divorced woman with two little girls the same age as Kim and Petey. :'''Ted Kramer''': Are you kidding? Are you kidding? :'''Margaret Kramer''': Nope. :'''Ted Kramer''': How do you know? :'''Margaret Kramer''': I know. :'''Ted Kramer''': How long has it been since you and Charlie broke up? :'''Margaret Kramer''': A year and a half. :'''Ted Kramer''': That long? I did I ever tell you how sorry, how really sad Joanna and I were, when you guys split? :'''Margaret Kramer''': Look at that cute little boy ''[laughs]'' over there. :'''Ted Kramer''': You think you'll ever get married again? :'''Margaret Kramer''': Uh-uh. :'''Ted Kramer''': I mean, to anybody. :'''Margaret Kramer''': Uh-uh! :'''Ted Kramer''': Why? :'''Margaret Kramer''': I don't know, maybe it's different if you don't have children, but... even if Charley and I aren't living together, and even if we're sleeping with other people, and... even if Charley were to get married again... I don't know, he's still... my husband and he's still the father of my children and... ''[sighs]'' That stuff about "till death do you part," that's really true. :'''Ted Kramer''': Well, let me ask you this. Let's say Charley finishes his midlife crisis, and he's had it with his flings, and comes asking for forgiveness. What would you do? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Billy Kramer''': Do you remember to bring the chocolate chip ice cream home? :'''Ted Kramer''': ''[answers sarcastically, making fun of Billy's question]'' Yes, I did remember to bring the chocolate chip ice cream home, and you can't have any of it until you eat all your dinner, and then eat your meat and your corn... ''[changes tone of voice]'' Where are you going? Get back here right now, did you hear me? You'd better not do that. You'd better stop right there, fella, I'm warning you. Hey! Did you hear me? ''[while Billy brings ice cream to the table]'' Now you listen to me! Don't be smart now. You go right back and put that back until you finish your dinner... Okay, I'm warning you, you take one bite out of that and you're in big trouble. Don't... Hey! Don't you dare... Don't you ''dare'' do that. You hear me? Hey! Stop-- Hold it right there! If you put that ice cream in your mouth and you are in very, very, ''very'' big trouble! Don't you dare go anywhere beyond that... Put it down right now. I'm not going to say it again. I'm ''not'' going to say it again! ''[Billy eats ice cream and loses his temper, gets up from the chair to snatch Billy up and cart him toward his bedroom as punishment]'' I had enough! :'''Billy Kramer''': ''[shrieking]'' Ow! You're hurting me! ''[kicks Ted]'' :'''Ted Kramer''': ''[raging madly]'' OW! Don't you kick me! :'''Billy Kramer''': I hate you! :''[Ted kicks the door open as they reach the bedroom]'' :'''Ted Kramer''': ''[furious]'' Well, you're no bargain either, pal! You are a spoiled, rotten little brat and I'll tell you right now... ''[unceremoniously dumps him on the bed]'' :'''Billy Kramer''': ''[yelling furiously]'' '''I HATE YOU!!!''' :'''Ted Kramer''': ''[still furious, ignoring Billy's rant]'' '''AND I HATE YOU BACK, YOU LITTLE SHIT!!!''' ''[storms out of the room]'' :'''Billy Kramer''': ''[crying]'' <big>'''''I WANT MY MOMMY!!!!'''''</big> :'''Ted Kramer''': ''[coldly]'' I'm all you got. ''[furiously slams the door]'' :'''Billy Kramer''': ''[does a tantrum]'' I want my mommy! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Billy Kramer''': Daddy? :'''Ted Kramer''': Yeah? :'''Billy Kramer''': I'm sorry. :'''Ted Kramer''': I'm sorry too. I want you to go to sleep because it's really late. :'''Billy Kramer''': Daddy? :'''Ted Kramer''': Now what is it? :'''Billy Kramer''': Are you going away? :'''Ted Kramer''': No. I'm staying here with you. You can't get rid of me that easy. :'''Billy Kramer''': That's why Mommy left, isn't it? Because I was bad? :'''Ted Kramer''': Is that what you think? No. That's not it, Billy. Your mom loves you very much... and the reason she left has nothing to do with you. I don't know if this will make sense, but I'll try to explain it to you. I think the reason why Mommy left... was because for a long time... I kept trying to make her be a certain kind of person. A certain kind of wife that I thought she was supposed to be. And she just wasn't like that. She was... She just wasn't like that. I think that she tried for so long to make me happy... and when she couldn't, she tried to talk to me about it. But I wasn't listening. I was too busy, too wrapped up... just thinking about myself. And I thought that anytime I was happy, she was happy. But I think underneath she was very sad. Mommy stayed here longer than she wanted because she loves you so much. And the reason why Mommy couldn't stay anymore... was because she couldn't stand me. She didn't leave because of you. She left because of me. Go to sleep now because it's really late, okay? Good night. Sleep tight. :'''Billy Kramer''': Don't let the bedbugs bite. :'''Ted Kramer''': See you in the morning light. :'''Billy Kramer''': Daddy? :'''Ted Kramer''': Yeah? :'''Billy Kramer''': I love you. :'''Ted Kramer''': I love you too. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Joanna returns to New York]'' :'''Joanna Kramer''': All my life I've felt like...somebody's wife or somebody's mother, somebody's daughter. Even all the time we were together I never knew who I was. And that's why I had to go away. And in California, I think I found myself. I got myself a job. I got myself a therapist, a really good one. And I feel better about myself than I ever have in my whole life. I learned a great deal about myself. :'''Ted Kramer''': Such as?... No, really, I'd really like to know what you learned. :'''Joanna Kramer''': Well, I've learned that I love my little boy. And that I'm capable of taking care of him. :'''Ted Kramer''': What do you mean? :'''Joanna Kramer''': I want my son. :'''Ted Kramer''': You can't have him :'''Joanna Kramer''': Don't get defensive. Don't try to bully me. :'''Ted Kramer''': I'm not getting defensive. Who walked out 15 months ago? :'''Joanna Kramer''': I don't care. I'm still his mother. :'''Ted Kramer''': Yeah, from 300 miles away. And because you sent post cards gives you the right to come back? :'''Joanna Kramer''': I never stopped wanting him. :'''Ted Kramer''': What makes you sure he wants you? :'''Joanna Kramer''': What makes you sure he doesn't want me? :'''Ted Kramer''': Okay look. We're gonna sit here and bat this back and forth. It's like old times. :'''Joanna Kramer''': You can't deny me... :'''Ted Kramer''': Don't tell me what I can or cannot do! Don't talk to me that way! :'''Joanna Kramer''': I anticipated this. :'''Ted Kramer''': Okay look, I don't want to hear this. Do what you have to. I'll do what I have to. :'''Joanna Kramer''': Fine... I am very sorry about this. :'''Ted Kramer''': Okay, just do what you have to do. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Ted Kramer hires a lawyer]'' :'''Ted Kramer''': I don't know the legal jargon for it, but I think it's "desertion." I don't mean to tell you your job, but I think I have an open-and-shut case. :'''John Shaunessy''': Well, at first Mr. Kramer, there's no such thing as an open-and- shut case where custody is involved. I'll bet your ex-wife has already found a lawyer who's advised her to move back to establish residency. The burden is on us to prove that your ex-wife is an unfit mother. That means I'll have to play rough. If I play rough, you can bet they will too. Can you take that? :'''Ted Kramer''': Yes. :'''John Shaunessy''': And it's going to cost you $15,000. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Ted Kramer gets fired]'' :'''Ted Kramer''': You're firing me? :'''Jim O'Connor''': Yeah, I'm letting you go, yes. :'''Ted Kramer''': Why? :'''Jim O'Connor''': Now, look, Ted, this is a very painful thing for me. You don't know how badly I feel,. I've been getting a lot of pressure from the guys upstairs, and there wasn't anything else I could do. I thought a lot about this and it's really better this way. If I took your stripes... if I put you on a schlock account, you'd hate it, and me for doing it. This way it's a clean break. And believe me, that's the best thing. :'''Ted Kramer''': You know my wife is fighting me for custody?. You know that we're going to court?. Do you know what my chances are if I'm out of a job?. :'''Jim O'Connor''': Look, I understand that you're upset... :'''Ted Kramer''': I don't want to beg, but I'm asking you, please, as a friend. Ah?... I'm asking you. :'''Jim O'Connor''': You're an extremely bright guy. You've got a hell of a talent. You're gonna land on your feet. You're gonna survive...Teddy, look. I know you may be short on cash. No big hurry about paying this back. :'''Ted Kramer''': Shame on you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joanna Kramer''': I woke up this morning, kept thinking about Billy and I-I was thinking about him waking up in his room with his little clouds all around that I painted. And I thought I should have painted clouds downtown, because then he would think that he was waking up at home. I came here to take my son home. And I realized he already is home. Oh, I love him very much. ''[Joanna and Ted hug]'' I'm not gonna take him with me. Can I go up and talk to him?... :'''Ted Kramer''': Listen why don't you go upstairs and see him and I'll wait here. :'''Joanna Kramer''': ''[wipes the tears from her eyes and pats her hair]'' How do I look? :'''Ted Kramer''': You look terrific. == Cast == * [[Dustin Hoffman]] – Ted Kramer * [[Meryl Streep]] – Joanna Kramer * [[w:Jane Alexander|Jane Alexander]] – Margaret Phelps * [[w:Justin Henry|Justin Henry]] – Billy Kramer * [[w:Howard Duff|Howard Duff]] – John Shaunessy * [[w:George Coe|George Coe]] – Jim O'Connor * [[w:JoBeth Williams|JoBeth Williams]] – Phyllis Bernard (as Jobeth Williams) * Bill Moor – Gressen * [[w:Howland Chamberlain|Howland Chamberlain]] – Judge Atkins * Jack Ramage – Spencer * [[w:Jess Osuna|Jess Osuna]] – Ackerman == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{imdb title|id=0079417|title=Kramer vs. Kramer}} * {{rotten-tomatoes|id=kramer_vs_kramer|title=Kramer vs. Kramer}} [[Category:1979 films]] [[Category:Drama films]] [[Category:Films based on novels]] [[Category:Legal films]] [[Category:Best Picture Academy Award winners]] [[Category:Films set in New York City]] [[Category:Best Adapted Screenplay Academy Award winners]] [[Category:Films about dysfunctional families]] [[Category:Films about divorce]] [[Category:Films about father–son relationships]] kzrhscw6tk1l3pnsfungy6fq05iysdq 0 38388 3778694 2168645 2025-07-14T13:53:26Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Comedians]]; added [[Category:Comedians from the United States]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778694 wikitext text/x-wiki '''Jared Logan''' is a [[Chicago]] (US) [[comedian]]. == Quotes == * The Etch a Sketch is the [[toy]] for drawing that makes drawing almost impossible. It simulates what drawing would be like if you had crippling arthritis. ** ''The Wall Street Journal'', "Comedy Comes Clean," December 1, 2006, page W12, column 1 [[Category:Comedians from the United States|Logan, Jared]] 5wyk0vx9xslizrqtocwlqz21ekkpty8 0 48334 3778645 3456223 2025-07-14T13:34:16Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Comedians]]; added [[Category:Comedians from England]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778645 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Simon Amstell 2008-05-02.jpg|thumb|Simon Amstell in 2008]] '''[[w:Simon Amstell|Simon Amstell]]''' (born [[29 November]] [[1979]]) is an English comedian and television presenter. He is best known for presenting ''Popworld'' and ''[[Never Mind the Buzzcocks]]''. {{comedian-stub}} ==Sourced== *You just threw cheese at Sam & Mark. Don't you think they've suffered enough?! ** ''Brit Awards Red Carpet 2005'' == External links== {{wikipedia}} {{commons category}} * [http://www.simonamstell.com Simon Amstell Official Website] * [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Popworld Popworld on Wikipedia] {{DEFAULTSORT:Amstell, Simon}} [[Category:People from London]] [[Category:Comedians from England]] [[Category:Jews from the United Kingdom]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:LGBT people]] [[Category:Vegetarians]] 48wrd7kngf42jbxxkqjeyue044x87f7 3778646 3778645 2025-07-14T13:34:36Z UDScott 4304 3778646 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Simon Amstell 2008-05-02.jpg|thumb|Simon Amstell in 2008]] '''[[w:Simon Amstell|Simon Amstell]]''' (born [[29 November]] [[1979]]) is an English comedian and television presenter. He is best known for presenting ''Popworld'' and ''[[Never Mind the Buzzcocks]]''. {{comedian-stub}} ==Quotes== *You just threw cheese at Sam & Mark. Don't you think they've suffered enough?! ** ''Brit Awards Red Carpet 2005'' == External links== {{wikipedia}} {{commons category}} * [http://www.simonamstell.com Simon Amstell Official Website] * [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Popworld Popworld on Wikipedia] {{DEFAULTSORT:Amstell, Simon}} [[Category:People from London]] [[Category:Comedians from England]] [[Category:Jews from the United Kingdom]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:LGBT people]] [[Category:Vegetarians]] s56nnuuzblxxxwcu4ssnj58k0u3tq2q 0 48846 3778765 3778347 2025-07-14T17:50:36Z 2600:1700:C361:A40:598C:AA99:C4B7:8F3B /* Dialogue */ 3778765 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Meet the Robinsons|Meet the Robinsons]]''''' is a [[w:2007 in film|2007]] [[w:CGI|CGI-animated]] family film produced by Walt Disney Pictures about an inventive orphan boy named Lewis, whose world is changed when a boy named Wilbur takes him on a trip to the future to meet his family, the Robinsons. It was released in theaters on March 30, 2007, a month after ''[[Bridge to Terabithia (2007 film)|Bridge to Terabithia]]'', and three months before [[w:Pixar Animation Studios|Pixar]]'s ''[[Ratatouille]]''. :''Directed by [[w:Stephen Anderson (artist)|Stephen Anderson]]. Written by [[w:Don Hall (filmmaker)|Don Hall]] and [[w:Nathan Greno|Nathan Greno]].'' {{center|'''If you think your family's different, wait 'til you meet the family of the future.'''}} == Dialogue == :''[Lewis is being interviewed by the Harringtons for adoption]'' :'''Lewis''': I mean, there's so many things in the world that can be improved. Just think of it. Moving sidewalks, flying cars. The possibilities are endless. :'''Mr. Harrington''': ''[looking over the drawings in Lewis' notebook with his wife]'' Flying cars? Yeah, that's a good one. :'''Lewis''': All it takes is some imagination and a little science, and we can make the world a better place. :'''Mr. Harrington''': Well, these are all interesting ideas. so, what's your favorite sport? :'''Lewis''': Well, does inventing count as a sport? :'''Mr. Harrington''': Actually... :'''Lewis''': 'Cause I think I hit a home run with this one! ''[takes out his PB&J gun]'' :'''Mr. Harrington''': What is that? :'''Lewis''': First, a question. What's the number one problem that you face when you make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? :'''Mr. Harrington''': Lewis, I don't think we... :'''Lewis''': Portion control. Too much peanut butter sticks to the roof of your mouth, takes forever to chew. Too much jelly squishes out the sides and makes your hands all sticky. Well, I propose that the perfect P.B. and J. is within mankind's grasp, and I've built this machine to achieve it. For this demonstration, I'll use regular bread. :'''Mrs. Harrington''': Honey, it's okay. :'''Lewis''': As you can see, toasting is an option. :'''Mrs. Harrington''': ''[uncomfortably]'' We don't usually eat peanut butter. Lewis, this is really not necessary. :'''Lewis''': ''[as his invention jams]'' It's jammed! :'''Mrs. Harrington''': Lewis, please, don't! :'''Lewis''': ''[accidentally fires peanut butter and jelly all over the Harringtons]'' Oops. ''[Mr. Harrington's face starts to swell up due to an allergic reaction to peanuts]'' What's happening?! :'''Mrs. Harrington''': Mr. Harrington has a peanut allergy! :'''Lewis''': ''[screams]'' I'm sorry! Here let me help you get that off! :'''Mrs. Harrington''': ''[takes out an allergy vaccine from her purse]'' STAND BACK! ''[injects the vaccine into her husband's leg]'' :'''Lewis''': Is he going to be okay? :'''Mrs. Harrington''': Breathe. Breathe. :'''Lewis''': I'm so sorry! I didn't know! :'''Mrs. Harrington''': It was really nice to meet you. We're gonna need some time to think about it. ''[closes the door as she and her husband leave the room]'' :''[Lewis peeks behind the door and watches]'' :'''Mildred''': Hi, folks. Everything all... ''[gasps in horrified shock]'' What happened?! :'''Mrs. Harrington''': Miss Duffy, that boy is definitely not right for us. Now, if you'll excuse me. :'''Mildred''': ''[stammering]'' I'm so sorry about this. If you would just... :''[The door slams closed; Lewis looks down with grief]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mr. Willerstein''': Dr. Krunklehorn, I know you're very busy there at Inventco Labs, and we're just so excited to have you as a judge. :'''Dr. Krunklehorn''': It's my pleasure, Mr. Willerstein. Hey, you never know. One of your students may invent the next integrated circuit, microprocessor, or integrated circuit. ''[stops Mr. Willerstein, realizing something]'' Oh, wait! I said that already. Well, I just don't get out of that lab very much. ''[looks down at Mr. Willerstein's bow tie he's wearing]'' Is that a bow tie? I like bow ties. I haven't slept in 8 days! :'''Mr. Willerstein''': Well, can I offer you a cot or something? :'''Dr. Krunklehorn''': Nope. ''[places a sticker with a picture of a coffee mug on Mr. Willerstein's forehead]'' I've got the caffeine patch. I invented it myself. One patch is the equivalent to twelve cups of coffee. You can stay awake for days with no side effects. ''[screams]'' Sorry. Who's this? :'''Mr. Willerstein''': This is one of our students, Stanley Pukowski. :''[Stanley Pukowski, dressed in a toga, waves to them with his project of a model of Mount Vesuvius]'' :'''Dr. Krucklehorn''': Oh, so cute! I just want to bite his chubby little cheeks! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mr. Willerstein''': Okay, next up is Lizzy and her fire ant farm. :'''Lizzy''': ''[monotone]'' That's right. :'''Mr. Willerstein''': Lizzy, we talked about the fire ants. You know that they have a tendency to bite people. :'''Lizzy''': ''[monotone]'' Only my enemies. :'''Mr. Willerstein''': Keep moving, shall we? Top-notch, Lizzy! Let's not anger her or make her jumpy in any way. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lewis''': ''[clears throat]'' Have you ever forgotten something, and no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't remember it? Well, what happens to these forgotten memories? I propose they're stored somewhere in your brain, and I built a machine that can retrieve them. I call it… the Memory Scanner! ''[pulls off the blanket, revealing his invention]'' :'''Dr. Krucklehorn''': It's shiny! :'''Mr. Willerstein''': So, Lewis, how does the Memory Scanner work? :'''Lewis''': (Simple.) First, you input the desired period of time on this keypad. Then, a laser scans the cerebral cortex where memories are stored. The retrieved memory is then displayed on this monitor. :'''Dr. Krucklehorn''': Wrap him up. I'll take two. :'''Lewis''': Now, I'm going back twelve years, three months and eleven days. ''[inputs the desired time period on the keypad]'' :'''Coach''': Why that particular day? You didn't think I was paying attention, did you? :'''Lewis''': Well, that was the day… Let's just say that was a very important day of my life. :'''Coach''': Fair enough. Play ball. :'''Lewis''': ''[starting up his invention]'' It'll just take a second to get the turbines going. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lewis''': Would you quit that, please? I know you're not a pigeon. :'''Wilbur''': ''[quickly covers Lewis' mouth]'' You're blowing my cover! :'''Lewis''': We're the only ones up here. :'''Wilbur''': That's just what they want you to think. Now, enough moping. Take this back to the science fair and fix that Memory Scanner. :'''Lewis''': Stop! Stop! Get away from me! :'''Wilbur''': Maybe you've forgotten, I'm a time cop from the future. It should be taken very seriously. :'''Lewis''': ''[swipes the "badge" out of Wilbur's hand]'' That's no badge. This is a coupon for a tanning salon! You're a fake. :'''Wilbur''': Okay, you got me. I'm not a cop, but I really am from the future, and there really is this Bowler Hat Guy! :'''Lewis''': ''[groans]'' Here we go again. :'''Wilbur''': He stole a time machine, came to the science fair, and ruined your project. :'''Lewis''': My project didn't work because I'm no good. There is no Bowler Hat Guy, there is no time machine, and you're not from the future! YOU'RE CRAZY! :'''Wilbur''': ''[exclaims]'' I am not crazy! :'''Lewis''': Oh, yeah, Captain Time Travel? Prove it. :'''Wilbur''': Uh… um… :'''Lewis''': Yeah, that's what I thought. I'm just gonna go lock myself in my room and hide under the covers for a couple years. :'''Wilbur''': ''[blocks his way when an idea pops into his head]'' If I prove to you that I'm from the future, will you go back to the science fair? :'''Lewis''': ''[sarcastically]'' Yeah, sure, whatever you say. ''[Wilbur takes it as a "yes" and pushes him to the edge of the roof]'' Hey, let go of me! What are you doing? Let go of me! :'''Wilbur''': Okay! ''[pushes Lewis off the roof]'' :'''Lewis''': ''[screaming; stops in midair; Wilbur presses a button, and a time machine appears]'' What is this? Where are we going? :'''Wilbur''': To the future! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wilbur''': ''[showing Lewis the amazing sights of the city as they arrived in the future]'' (Well, what do you think?) Is this proof enough for you? :'''Lewis''': ''[amazed]'' Is it ever! I never thought that time travel could be possible in my lifetime, and (now) here it is, right in front of me! :'''Wilbur''': The truth will set you free, brother. :'''Lewis''': This is beyond anything I could've imagined. This means I could really change my life. :'''Wilbur''': That's right, you can. Next stop, science fair to fix your Memory Scanner. :'''Lewis''': ''[realizing]'' Hey, I'm not gonna fix that stupid Memory Scanner. :'''Wilbur''': ''[screeches the time machine to a stop, having to have heard that; shocked]'' WHAT?! :'''Lewis''': Wilbur, this is a time machine! Why should I fix my dumb invention when you can take me to see my mom now, in this ship? :'''Wilbur''': Uh... um... :'''Lewis''': I could actually go back (in time) to that night, and stop her from giving me up. :'''Wilbur''': The answer is not a time machine. ''[holds up the drawing of the Memory Scanner]'' It's this! :'''Lewis''': ''This?'' You want to know what I think about this? ''[rips up the drawing]'' :'''Wilbur''': What are you doing?! :'''Lewis''': ''[takes off his seatbelt and moves up to take the wheel]'' I'm sorry, Wilbur, but you don't know what I've lived through. :'''Wilbur''': Lewis, no! :''[The boys start fighting over the steering wheel]'' :'''Lewis''': Let go! :'''Wilbur''': You let go! :'''Lewis''': You're not the boss of me! :'''Wilbur''': Yes, I am! 'Cause you're 12 and I'm 13! That makes me older! :'''Lewis''': Well, I was born in the past, which makes ''me'' older and the boss of ''you! [accidentally rips off the steering wheel]'' :''[The time machine crashes into a building, damaging one of its wings; the boys scream while bracing for impact and they crash into a green hill outside the city]'' :'''Wilbur''': ''[holds up the steering wheel; horrified]'' I am ''so'' dead. ''[he and Lewis exit the destroyed time machine; worried that he's gonna be in so much trouble]'' I'm not allowed to look at this thing, let alone drive it! Mom and Dad are gonna kill me, and I can tell you this, it will not be done with mercy! :'''Lewis''': Isn't there, like, a time machine repair shop or something? :'''Wilbur''': No! There's only '''''two''''' time machines in existence, and the Bowler Hat Guy has the other one! :'''Lewis''': Well, ''somebody's'' gonna have to fix this. :'''Wilbur''': Good idea! ''[pulls him over to the broken time machine]'' You're smart. You fix it. :'''Lewis''': ''[baffled]'' Are you crazy?! I can't fix this thing. :'''Wilbur''': Yes, you can. You broke it. You fix it. :'''Lewis''': ''[thinks for a moment]'' Alright, under ''one'' condition. I fix it, ''you'' take me back to see my mom. :'''Wilbur''': What?! You didn't even follow through on our last deal! How can I trust you? :'''Lewis''': Well, ''you'' told me you were a time cop from the future. How can I trust ''you?'' :'''Wilbur''': ''[pauses]'' Touchè. :'''Lewis''': So, do we have a deal? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wilbur''': We'll sneak this thing into the garage. You'll have all the tools you need. :'''Lewis''': What about your parents? :'''Wilbur''': Mom never goes in there, and Dad's on a business trip until tomorrow morning. You've got till then to fix it. :'''Lewis''': Well, fine, but I'm gonna need some blueprints or something for this. :'''Wilbur''': No worries. I got someone who can help us with that. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wilbur''': ''[puts a fruit hat on Lewis' head after Carl the robot runs away]'' If my family finds out I brought you from the past, they'll bury me alive, and dance on my grave. I'm ''not'' exaggerating! Well... Yes, I am, but not the point! The point is, your hair's a dead giveaway! :'''Lewis''': ''[confused]'' Why would my hair be a dead giveaway? :'''Wilbur''': That is an excellent question! ''[runs off]'' :'''Lewis''': Wait, where are you going? :'''Wilbur''': Another excellent question! ''[runs under the travel tube and is sucked up]'' :'''Lewis''': But I don't just want to sit here. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Carl''': What do you mean, don't go to the family? How can we not go to the family in this time of family crisis? By leaving the garage door unlocked, you let the time machine get stolen, and now the entire time stream could be altered! That and someone took my bike. :'''Wilbur''': Look, I told you. It's gonna all work out. First, we keep Lewis in the garage away from everybody. I show up and give him the pep talk of the century. Then he fixes the time machine. :'''Carl''': Why is it an acorn? :'''Wilbur''': I didn't have time to sculpt everything. Okay, now, the time machine is fixed. His confidence in inventing is restored. He goes back to the science fair, fixes his Memory Scanner, thus restoring the space-time continuum. :'''Carl''': What about taking him back to see his mom? :'''Wilbur''': I just told him that to buy some time. :'''Carl''': Oh, yeah, can't see that one blowing up in your face. :'''Wilbur''': Trust me. I got it under control. Wilbur Robinson never fails. But on the slight chance that I do... :'''Carl''': "On the slight chance," yeah. You know what? I'll run the numbers. :'''Wilbur''': What is it? :'''Carl''': Well, it's not. It doesn't pertain to anything in. You know, there's not necessarily, there's a 99.999999% chance that you won't exist. :'''Wilbur''': What? :'''Carl''': And I didn't want to tell you, but I did. :'''Wilbur''': I won't exist? :'''Carl''': And where does that leave me? Alone, rusting in a corner. :'''Wilbur''': What am I worried about? Now, blueprints? :'''Carl''': If this thing ever blows over, I really gotta get away from you and get some quiet time. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grandpa Bud''': ''[cheerfully when Lewis runs and bumps into him from behind]'' Well, hey there, little fella! Now, I know what you're thinking, and my clothes are not on backwards. My head is! ''[laughing]'' Oh, I used to tell that one to my science students. They didn't laugh, either. Anywho, what's your name, fruit-head? :'''Lewis''': Well, Lewis, but... :'''Grandpa Bud''': Lewis, huh? Well, say, Lewis, you haven't seen any teeth around here, have you? :'''Lewis''': Teeth? :'''Grandpa Bud''': Yeah, my teeth. ''[Lewis exclaims in disgust]'' Been digging holes all day. Can't find them anywhere. :'''Lewis''': All right, look, old man, I need to get back to the garage. Wilbur left me down there, and I wasn't supposed to leave, and these monsters attacked me on the porch and... :'''Grandpa Bud''': Monsters? There's no monsters on the porch, you ninny. :'''Lewis''': Listen to me! :'''Grandpa Bud''': Of course, I also didn't think there was a woodchuck living on my arm, and lookie there! Hope he ain't got rabies. :'''Lewis''': Old man, I need to get to the garage! :'''Grandpa Bud''': Well, sure, I'll get you there in a jiffy. I know a shortcut! ''[they enter the living room instead]'' Welcome to the garage! Well, I'm completely lost. :'''Billie''': Hiya, Grandpa! :'''Grandpa Bud''': Hey, Aunt Billie. Lewis and I are looking for the garage. :'''Gaston''': We have a garage? :'''Grandpa Bud''': Apparently so. :'''Gaston''': Lewis, will you give me a hand and time my race? ''[gives Lewis a stopwatch]'' :'''Billie''': Okay, Gaston, my toy train's ready for ya! :''[A big toy train appears]'' :'''Lewis''': ''That's'' a toy train? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tallulah''': Laszlo, you stop painting my hat, or I'm telling Ma! :'''Laszlo''': Ah, lighten up, sis. :'''Tallulah''': Lasz, I mean it! :'''Fritz''': Children, please! Your mother is trying to take a nap. :'''Petunia''': What is all the yelling out here?! :'''Tallulah''': ''[in unison]'' He started it! :'''Laszlo''': ''[in unison]'' She started it! :'''Petunia''': I don't want to hear any more! :'''Fritz''': Now, sweetie… :'''Petunia''': ''[savagely slaps him in the face]'' Don't you "sweetie" me! I'm going for a drive. ''[the sound of a car roars away]'' :'''Grandpa Bud''': That's strange. She usually takes the Harley. :'''Wilbur''': ''[popping out of the bathroom toilet]'' Lewis?! :'''Grandpa Bud''': Ooh, I bet my wife, Lucille's baking cookies. ''[opens the door, revealing Lucille dancing on the dance floor]'' Bake them cookies, Lucille! :'''Lewis''': Why is your dog wearing glasses? :'''Grandpa Bud''': Oh, because his insurance won't pay for contacts. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grandpa Bud''': Hey, Lefty, any idea how to get to the garage? Well, that's true. We didn't ask her yet. :'''Lewis''': Who? :'''Grandpa Bud''': Wilbur's mom, Franny. I think you'll like her. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lewis''': Right. Well, glad I could help with the teeth, but, wow, look at the time. ''[runs away and bumps into Wilbur]'' :'''Wilbur''': Lewis, I told you to stay in the garage! :'''Lewis''': I did, but I went up the tube, and I ran into your family and I-- :'''Wilbur''': ''[panicked stammering]'' '''''You met my family?!''''' ''[grabs him by the ear and drags him away into a dark room, then turns on the light]'' Pop quiz. Who have you met, and what have you learned? :'''Lewis''': Okay. Bud, Fritz, and Joe are brothers. Fritz is married to Petunia, and is she…? ''[makes hand-puppet gesture]'' :'''Wilbur''': Cranky? Yes. :'''Lewis''': Tallulah and Lazslo are their children, Joe is married to Billie, Lefty is the butler, Spike and Dimitri are twins, and I don't know who they're related to. :'''Wilbur''': Neither do we. Go on. :'''Lewis''': Lucille is married to Bud, and your dad, Cornelius, is their son. ''[pause; curiously]'' What does Cornelius look like? :'''Wilbur''': ''[thinks for a moment]'' [[w:Tom Selleck|Tom Selleck]]. :'''Lewis''': ''[beat]'' Okay, Cornelius is married to Franny, and her brothers are Gaston and Art. :'''Wilbur''': You're forgetting something. :'''Lewis''': Forgetting-? Oh, right! Wilbur is the son of Franny and Cornelius. :'''Wilbur''': And nobody realized that you were from the past? :'''Lewis''': Nope. ''[Wilbur sighs with relief]'' Thank you, thank you! Hold your applause, thank you very much. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lewis''': ''[to Wilbur while fixing the time machine]'' I don't even know what I'm doing. :'''Wilbur''': ''[scrubs the hatch with a sponge]'' Keep moving forward. :'''Lewis''': I mean, this stuff is way too advanced for me. :'''Wilbur''': ''[fixes the top of his hair]'' Keep moving forward. :'''Lewis''': And what if I can't fix this, what are we gonna do? :'''Wilbur''': ''[checks his teeth]'' Keep moving forward. :'''Lewis''': Why do you keep saying that? And don't just say "keep moving forward". :'''Wilbur''': It's my dad's motto. :'''Lewis''': Why would his motto be "keep moving forward"? :'''Wilbur''': It's what he does. :'''Lewis''': What's that supposed to mean? :'''Wilbur''': That is an excellent question. Robinson Industries, the world's leading scientific research and design factory. My dad runs the company. They mass produce his inventions. His motto: "Keep moving forward". It's what he does. :'''Lewis''': What has he invented? :'''Wilbur''': Everything. Carl, the time machine, the travel tubes. :'''Lewis''': Your dad invented the time machine? :'''Wilbur''': Yep. Five years ago, Dad wakes up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. Wants to build a time machine. So, he starts working! We're talking plans, we're talking scale models, we're talking prototypes! ''[shows Lewis a small scrap of metal]'' :'''Lewis''': ''That's'' a prototype? :'''Wilbur''': The very first… Or, what's left of it. :'''Lewis''': Yikes. :'''Wilbur''': Yeah. Dark day at the Robinson house. Prototypes 2 and 3, not much better. Number 6, 58, 212, 485, 952, and they all end the same way. ''[holds up three signs of the word "Failure", a frowny face, and a toilet; shakes Lewis]'' But he doesn't give up! ''[pauses; looks at the fruit hat]'' Dude, I can't take you seriously in that hat. ''[Lewis is now wearing a cap]'' He keeps working and working until finally, he gets it. The first working time machine. Then, he keeps working and working until finally, he gets it again. The second working time machine. :'''Lewis''': Kind of small. :'''Wilbur''': I'm assuming that's a joke. I'm ignoring you for time reasons. This, my friend, is merely a model, because unfortunately, time machine #2… is in the hands of the Bowler Hat Guy. Pretty amazing story, huh? :'''Lewis''': Yeah. :'''Wilbur''': Now, are you ready to start working? :'''Lewis''': I think that's it. I did it! :'''Wilbur''': I knew you could. Nice work, my friend. ''[The time machine flies up, but falls, broken again]'' Well, you know what they say! "Keep moving…" :'''Lewis''': ''[angrily interrupting]'' DON'T SAY IT! ''[sighs]'' :'''Franny''': ''[on intercom] Boys, dinner time!'' :'''Wilbur''': Not now, Mom. :'''Franny''': ''If you aren't up here in five minutes, I'm gonna come down and get you.'' :''[The boys look at the broken time machine, fearing that Franny will come down and see it, and realize they can't let that happen]'' :'''Wilbur''': We'd better get up there. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Art''': Reminds me of the time my meatball pizza staved off civil war on the black moon of Keward. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gaston''': Where are you from, Lewis? :'''Lewis''': ''[awkwardly]'' Canada? :'''Tallulah''': I think you mean North Montana. Hasn't been called Canada in years. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gaston''': And so, it begins. Ready, aim... FIRE! ''[fires a meatball at Franny in the cheek]'' :'''Franny''': Ha. Surely that is not the best you can do. ''[sound doesn't match her lips]'' :'''Gaston''': Impressive, little sister. Your skills are strong, but not strong enough. :'''Franny''': Your words do not threaten me, brother. :'''Gaston''': Then enough words. Now the real battle begins. :'''Franny''': Your meatballs are useless against me. :'''Gaston''': Then perhaps it's time for spicy Italian sausage. :'''Franny''': ''[gasps]'' No! ''[After above scene]'' :'''Lewis''': Is dinner like this every night? :'''Art''': No. Yesterday we had meatloaf. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wilbur''': ''[notices Carl having trouble with the PB&J gun, just like the one Lewis had after an incident with the Harringtons while being interviewed for adoption]'' Just what the doctor ordered. ''[drags Lewis over]'' My friend Lewis is an inventor. He can fix it. :'''Lewis''': Wilbur, you know I can't. :'''Lucille''': Come on. Give it a try. :'''Art''': You don't understand what's at stake here. Uncle Joe's seen the toast! :'''Grandpa Bud''': We're past the point of no return! :'''Billie''': ''[comforting Uncle Joe as he's going under pressure]'' If he doesn't get PB&J… :'''Petunia''': We all pay! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': Ah, yes! You are now under my control! :'''Frankie''': I am now under your control. :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': ''[laughs; Frankie does monotone laughing]'' Stop laughing! :'''Frankie''': Stop laughing. :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': Don't repeat everything I say! :'''Frankie''': I won't repeat everything you say. :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': Excellent! :'''Frankie''': Excellent. :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': Uh, did you just say "excellent" because I said "excellent"?! :'''Frankie''': ''[lying]'' Uh, no. :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': Excellent! :'''Frankie''': Excellent. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': Did you not hear what I say you idiot?! Grab the boy and bring him! :'''Frankie''': Well, it's just that, there's a lot of people over there, and I have little arms. I'm just not so sure how well this plan was thought through. ''[Bowler Hat Guy is dumbfounded]'' Master? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': What's going on?! Why aren't you seizing the boy?! :'''Tyrannosaur''': ''[in dinosaur language]'' I have a big head and little arms. I'm just not so sure how well this plan was thought through. Master? :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': ''[dumbfounded once again]'' Ugh, stupid, stupid, stupid! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': Little Doris now sleeps with the fishies. ''[Doris takes the monitor out of his hands and angrily smacks him in the head with it]'' :'''Wilbur''': Nice catch. :'''Lewis''': Nice meatball shooting! Guess we made a pretty good team, huh? :'''Wilbur''': Yeah, guess we did. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lewis''': ''[after Wilbur knocks the hat off his head, revealing his hair and secret to the Robinson family]'' Okay, it's true. I'm from the past. Now you know the big secret. :'''Franny''': Wilbur, what have you done? How could you bring ''him '''here?!''''' :'''Wilbur''': That is an excellent question. :'''Lewis''': Please, don't get mad at Wilbur. He was just being a good friend. :'''Franny''': Lewis, I am so sorry, but you have to go. :'''Lewis''': ''[upset]'' What? You just said... :'''Franny''': I know what I said. :'''Lewis''': I'm from the past. So what? :'''Franny''': Lewis. Lewis, look at me. You're... You're a great kid, and we would never do anything to hurt you, but I'm sorry. You have to go back to your own time. :'''Wilbur''': Yeah, about that, um... one of the time machines is broken, and the other one was stolen by a guy with a bowler hat, which, uhh... kind of explains the dino. :''[The Robinsons all look at the Tyrannosaurus Rex]'' :'''Franny''': ''[disappointedly]'' I'm calling your father. ''[about to walk back inside]'' :'''Lewis''': Wait. If I have to leave, can I at least go back and find my mom? Wilbur promised. :'''Franny''': ''[annoyed]'' You promised what? :'''Wilbur''': I was never gonna do it. I swear. ''[gasps as covers his mouth with his right hand]'' :'''Lewis''': ''[shocked & hurt]'' You lied to me? :'''Wilbur''': ''[denies]'' No. ''[nervously smiles for a brief second, and admits, nodding his head]'' Yes. ''[Lewis grunts angrily over his betrayal and starts to storm off]'' Lewis! Lewis, wait! :'''Lewis''': ''[enraged]'' I can't believe I was dumb enough to actually believe you were my friend! ''[resumes running off in heartbreak]'' :'''Wilbur''': I am your friend! :'''Franny''': ''[sternly to Wilbur]'' Mister, you're grounded till you die. ''[walks back inside the house along with the other Robinsons]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': Oh, yes, Doris, it ''is'' a shame. All he wants to do is go back in time to meet the mother he never knew, but they won't let him. We'd let him, though. Too bad we don't have a time machine. Oh, wait, we do. :'''Lewis''': Bowler Hat Guy? :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': Hello, Lewis. :'''Lewis''': What do you want? :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': To make your dream come true. All you have to do is put Humpy Dumpty back together again, and we'll take you back to find your mommy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lewis''': Why are you doing this to me? I never did anything to you. :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': ''[amused]'' You ''still'' haven't figured it out! :'''Lewis''': Figured out what? :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': Let's see if this rings a bell. Father of the future, inventor extraordinaire, "Keep moving forward"? :'''Lewis''': That's not ''me'', that's Wilbur's dad. ''[Bowler Hat Guy stares at him expectantly. Lewis' eyes go wide in realization]'' Are you saying… ''I'm'' Wilbur's… Dad? :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': Oh, give the boy a prize! ''You'' grow up to be the founder of this wretched time. So, I plan to destroy your [[destiny]]! Easy-peasy, rice and cheesy! :'''Lewis''': ''[flabbergasted]'' Wait. So, if ''I'm'' Wilbur's dad... :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': Keep going. :'''Lewis''': Uh, if ''I'm'' Wilbur's dad... :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': ''[irritated]'' Yes, thank you, we've ''established'' that! :'''Lewis''': But... What does it have to do with you? :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': Ah-ha! Allow me to shed some light on the subject. ''[turns on the light, revealing their old room in the orphanage]'' :'''Lewis''': ''[gasps]'' My old room! :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': I think you mean OUR old room. :'''Lewis''': ''[confused]'' What? :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': ''[removes his cloak, revealing a too-small, filthy Little League Baseball uniform]'' Ah, yes! Yes, it is I, Mike Yagoobian! :'''Lewis''': ''[in disgust & horror]'' Ugh! :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': I know! I'm disgusting! But one learns to love it! :'''Lewis''': How'd you end up like this?! :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': Well, it's a long and pitiful story, about a young boy with a dream. a dream of winning a Little League championship. ''[flashback to a Little League baseball game; he is asleep in the outfield and fails to catch a ball; voice-over]'' A dream that was ruined in the last inning. We lost by one run because of me. :''[Goob is surrounded by furious baseball players, all preparing to beat him up]'' :'''Baseball player''': Get him! :''[Fade to him in the orphanage, angrily talking to some parents about his bad day]'' :'''Mike "Goob" Yagoobian''': ''[infuriated]'' If I hadn't fallen asleep, I would have caught the ball! And we would have won! Do you understand?! :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': ''[voice-over]'' For some reason, no one wanted to adopt me. :'''Reporter''': ''[over the radio]'' Whiz kid Cornelius Robinson graduates from college at age 14 - This year's Nobel Prize goes to a young Cornelius Robinson… :''[Goob walks down the school hallway, carrying his unicorn binder, and ignoring some students]'' :'''Student #1''': Hey, Goob, what's up? Cool binder. :'''Student #2''': Hey, Goob, want to come over to my house today? :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': ''[voice-over]'' They all hated me. Eventually, they closed down the orphanage and everyone left... except ''me''. :'''Reporter''': ''[on radio]'' Cornelius Robinson rebuilds Inventco - Robinson reaches out to - Cornelius Robinson - Cornelius Robinson is now - Now here's another amazing... :''[30 years later…]'' :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': ''[voice-over]'' It was then that I realized it ''wasn't'' my fault. It was ''yours!'' If you hadn't kept me up all night working on your stupid project, then I wouldn't have missed the catch. So, I devised a brilliant plan to get revenge. ''[throwing eggs at Robinson Industries]'' Robinson, you STINK! ''[voice-over]'' Then, just as I was on the brink of destroying Robinson Industries, I met…''her.'' ''[Doris appears, a cephalopod-like robotic bowler hat]'' We retreated to our villainous lair, where Doris spun a tale of deception and woe. Apparently, ''you'' invented her to be a helping hat, a slave to humankind. But Doris knew she was capable of so much more. ''[Doris takes control of the lab assistant]'' However, you didn't see her true potential. :'''Cornelius''': Got it! :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': So, you shut her down, or so you thought. ''[Doris breaks out of her cell]'' We both had a score to settle with you, and while my plan for revenge was brilliant, Doris' was… well, we went with Doris'. But I made a very, very important contribution. Together, we made the perfect team. ''[watches Wilbur entering the garage at the Robinson house through night-vision goggles]'' :'''Franny''': ''[off-screen]'' Wilbur, make sure you shut that door tight or else the alarm won't engage. :'''Wilbur''': Yeah, Mom. ''[leaves the garage, but forgot to lock the door]'' :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': I went to your house, snuck in the garage, and stole the time machine. All thanks to that pointy-haired little kid who forgot to lock the garage door. ''[laughs; end of flashback]'' And now all that's left is to return to Inventco, where I'll pass off your little gizmo as my own. :'''Lewis''': But you have no idea what that could do to this future! :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': I don't care! I just want to ruin your life! :'''Lewis''': Goob, I had no idea! :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': Shut up! And don't call me "Goob"! How many evil villains do you know who can pull off a name like "Goob"? Bleh! :'''Lewis''': Look, I'm sorry your life turned out so bad, but don't blame me, you messed it up yourself. You just focused on the bad stuff when all you had to do was... let go of the past... and keep moving forward. :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': Hmm, let's see... take [[responsibility]] for my own life or blame you? Dingdingdingdingding! Blame you wins hands down! ''[laughs evilly]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wilbur''': I bet you're glad to see me! ''[Lewis punches him in the arm]'' OW! :'''Lewis''': That's for not locking the garage door! :'''Wilbur''': Ah! ''[awkwardly]'' You know about that? :'''Lewis''': I know ''everything.'' :'''Wilbur''': You gotta admit, this'll be a ''great'' story to tell me someday. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': ''[as Doris brings the Memory Scanner back]'' Take a good look around, boys, because your future is about to '''''change.''' [heads to the past]'' :'''Wilbur''': Lewis, you ''have'' to fix the time machine! :'''Lewis''': No, no, I–I ''can't''! ''[In the past, Bowler Hat Guy/Future Goob has entered Inventco, chuckling evilly]'' What about your dad?! You could call him! :'''Wilbur''': You ''are'' my dad! :'''Lewis''': But that's in the future! :'''Wilbur''': There won't ''be'' a future, unless you fix the time machine! ''[In the past, Bowler Hat Guy/Future Goob is showing off the memory scanner]'' Look, I messed up. I left the garage unlocked and I've tried like crazy to fix things... But now it's up to ''you''. ''[In the past, Bowler Hat Guy/Future Goob is about to sign a contract]'' You can do it, Dad! ''[starts to vanish]'' Lewis? Lewis! ''[turns into a ball of light, flies over the Robinson yard and is sucked into the sky]'' :'''Lewis''': Wilbur? Wilbur! Wilbur. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lewis''': ''[as Doris reveals herself after watching a memory of her taking over the city from the Memory Scanner; horrified]'' No. No, this can't be happening! NO! :''[The Robinson family members appear, all under Doris' control]'' :'''Franny''': ''[under Doris' control]'' Oh, Lewis. It's already happened. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lewis''': Why did I ''ever'' invent that stupid hat?! ''[gets an idea]'' Take a good look around, Doris, 'cause your future's about to change. ''[time-travels to the past, where Bowler Hat Guy/Future Goob is signing a contract]'' Goob, stop! You don't know what you're doing! :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': ''[angrily]'' YES, I DO! I'm ruining your future! (After what you done me wrong!) :'''Lewis''': She's using you, Goob, and when she gets what she wants, she'll get rid of you. :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': What? What? :'''Lewis''': ''[facing Doris before she starts to attack him; bravely]'' I am '''''never''''' going to invent you. ''[Doris freezes, trembling, and disappears from existence]'' Come on, Goob. I've got to show you something. :''[Lewis and Bowler Hat Guy/Future Goob enter the future]'' :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': ''[hurt and understanding that Doris was using him; last words]'' Doris? I thought she was my friend. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wilbur''': You did it, Lewis, you did it! ''[sees Bowler Hat Guy/Future Goob, gasps, and attacks him]'' I'll hold him while you run for help. :'''Lewis''': ''[pries Wilbur off Bowler Hat Guy/Future Goob]'' Let him go! :'''Wilbur''': Wh-what are you doing? He's the bad guy! :'''Lewis''': No, he's not, he's my roommate. :'''Wilbur''': What? :'''Lewis''': ''[pulls Wilbur aside; quietly]'' He's my old roommate, and I really think you guys should adopt him. :'''Wilbur''': Are you nuts? :'''Lewis''': Give me a good reason why not. :'''Wilbur''': I'll give you three good reasons. He stole our time machine, tried to ruin your future, and he smells like he hasn't showered in 30 years! :'''Lewis''': ''[grabs Wilbur by the ear; whispering sternly]'' May I remind you, I'm your father, and you have to do what I say. :'''Wilbur''': Okay, Mr. Yagoobian, do you want to be a Robinson? ''[turns to see Future Goob has disappeared]'' Where'd he go? :'''Lewis''': Goob? ''[calling out]'' Goob! Goob. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cornelius''': ''[in the garage]'' Franny, they're gone! Oh, this is terrible! :'''Franny''': Oh, boy. :'''Grandpa Bud''': Well, he's home early. :'''Cornelius''': Franny, where are you?! ''[runs out]'' The time machines are ''gone''! ''[sees Lewis]'' Oh, oh! ''[Lewis waves awkwardly at his future self, who does the same thing, before looking questioningly at everyone else; Wilbur tries to sneak away, but Franny grabs him by the arm and points to him; unimpressed]'' Mm-hmm. :'''Wilbur''': ''[deadpan]'' Ratted out by the old lady. Harsh. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Carl''': Have a safe trip, little Lewis. :'''Lewis''': I will. :'''Carl''': Hey, while I got you here, just a couple of little suggestions regarding my design. ''[takes out picture of buff self]'' Let's face it, these skinny limbs don't exactly make the teapot whistle. All that really matters is, hey, don't forget to invent me. :'''Lewis''': Are you kidding? No way! :'''Carl''': I [[love]] you. :'''Lewis''': ''[to Bud and Lucille]'' There's so many things I wish I could ask you. :'''Wilbur''': Excuse me. Time travel now, questions later. :'''Lewis''': But I... :'''Lucille''': Don't worry. Just get back to that science fair, and we'll see you real soon. :'''Lewis''': Oh, right. Right, okay, I will. Bye! :'''Grandpa Bud''': Goodbye, son! :'''Lewis''': Thanks again for everything! :'''Franny''': Wait! Lewis, one more thing. :'''Lewis''': Yeah? :'''Franny''': Just a little tip for the future. I am always right. Even when I'm wrong, I'm right. :'''Cornelius''': She's right. I'd just go with it if I were you. And I am. :'''Lewis''': Then you're absolutely right. ''[Wilbur honks the horn]'' All right, I'm coming. :'''Wilbur''': Well, it's not like you're never gonna see them again. They are your family, after all. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Lewis and Wilbur time travel to the rainy night of the beginning events of the movie]'' :'''Lewis''': Wait a minute. You're supposed to take me back to the science fair. :'''Wilbur''': I know. :''[The time machine flies down in front of the orphanage and turns invisible]'' :'''Lewis''': Well, I think you punched in the wrong numbers. :'''Wilbur''': We agreed that, if you fixed the time machine, I'd take you back to see your mom. :'''Lewis''': What? ''[looks outside and sees his mother approaching the orphanage, carrying him as an infant in a box; mouths "Mom" inaudible]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Lewis and Wilbur return to the past after Lewis decided to let his mother go, realizing that he already has a family]'' :'''Wilbur''': I don't get it. Why'd you just let her go? :'''Lewis''': Because… I already have a family. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Lewis starts up the Memory Scanner and the monitor shows Lucille's memory of her getting married with a younger version of Grandpa Bud]'' :'''Lewis''': Bud? :'''Bud''': ''[appearing out of nowhere; amazed]'' Would you look at that? :'''Lucille''': Oh, honey! Honey, you're just in time! :'''Lewis''': Lucille! :'''Mr. Willerstein''': You did it, Lewis! You did it! This invention is brilliant! :'''Coach''': Kid, you're this fair's MVP! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Reporter''': Over here? There he is. Kid, we'd like to get a story on you for the local paper. ''[shakes hands with Lewis]'' You've got a bright future ahead of you. :'''Lewis''': ''[looks at Lucille, Bud, and Young Franny; smiling dreamily]'' Yeah. :''[At the orphanage… Lewis packs up his trunk as he's being adopted by Bud and Lucille, says goodbye to Goob while he's being interviewed by a couple wanting to adopt him and talking about winning the Little League championship; Outside, he and Mildred hug, gets in Bud and Lucille's car, then waves farewell to Mildred as they drive off, who then waves at him in return]'' == Cast == * Daniel Hansen and Jordan Fry – Lewis * Wesley Singerman – Wilbur Robinson * Stephen John Anderson – Bowler Hat Guy/Future Goob, Grandpa Bud, Tallulah * Nicole Sullivan – Franny Robinson **Jessie Flower – Young Franny * Matthew Josten – Mike Yagoobian * Angela Bassett – Mildred Duffy * Laura Metcalf – Grandma Lucille/Dr. Krucklehorn * Harland Williams – Carl * Ethan Sandler – Doris, CEO, Spike, Dimitri, Laszlo, Fritz, Petunia * Kellie M. Hoover – Aunt Billie * Don Hall – Gaston, Coach * Adam West – Uncle Art * Aurian Redson – Frankie the frog * Nathan Greno – Lefty the octopus * [[w:Tom Kenny|Tom Kenny]] – Mr. Willerstein * [[w:Tom Selleck|Tom Selleck]] – Cornelius * Paul Butcher – Stanley * Tracey Miller-Zarneke – Lizzy == About Meet the Robinsons == * <p>So we had some different challenges: we had skin texture we had to work out, we had to grow hair off of characters' heads and we had to find an animation style that was still fun and loose and had some caricature to it, but could portray humans in a believable way. The Incredibles was a definite inspiration for this. It was eye-popping to me, and certainly part of my education in 3D and how to do character animation with all of its subtleties.</p><p>One really interesting technique that we used is occlusion. It creates shadows based on the proximity of one object to another. It's a way to avoid that glowy feel that computer animation has or the way mouths look like they're illuminated from inside. Occlusion, because it's a closed space in there, will darken that mouth immediately. Then when we add our texture and lighting on top of that, you have a bit more real look to the images you're creating. It's that extra layer of believability that computer animation is so great at.</p> **[[w:Stephen J. Anderson|Steve Anderson]] [http://www.awn.com/animationworld/meet-robinsons-keep-moving-forward-disney 'Meet The Robinsons': Keep Moving Forward at Disney], ''Animation World Network'', 30 March 2007 * You could see it in the animation of 2008's Bolt, the first film Lasseter and Catmull touched: The characters were more visually appealing, more believable, funnier than the characters in Disney's previous film, Meet the Robinsons. And crucially, the acting was more nuanced: The characters didn't feel like caricatures. :* Caitlin Roper, Wired [Roper, Caitlin (October 21, 2014). "Big Hero 6 Proves It: Pixar's Gurus Have Brought the Magic Back to Disney Animation". Wired. Condé Nast.] ==See Also== Random ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{Authority control}} {{Walt Disney Animation Studios}} [[Category:2007 computer-animated films]] [[Category:2007 American animated films]] [[Category:American computer-animated films]] [[Category:American 3D animated films]] [[Category:American children's animated comic science fiction films]] [[Category:Animated films about time travel]] [[Category:Animated films about revenge]] [[Category:Animated films about orphans]] [[Category:Animated films based on children's books]] pd4mp1kdfgo3tnpkzcyldekslyjxdp0 3778939 3778765 2025-07-15T00:26:42Z 2600:1700:C361:A40:598C:AA99:C4B7:8F3B /* Dialogue */ 3778939 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Meet the Robinsons|Meet the Robinsons]]''''' is a [[w:2007 in film|2007]] [[w:CGI|CGI-animated]] family film produced by Walt Disney Pictures about an inventive orphan boy named Lewis, whose world is changed when a boy named Wilbur takes him on a trip to the future to meet his family, the Robinsons. It was released in theaters on March 30, 2007, a month after ''[[Bridge to Terabithia (2007 film)|Bridge to Terabithia]]'', and three months before [[w:Pixar Animation Studios|Pixar]]'s ''[[Ratatouille]]''. :''Directed by [[w:Stephen Anderson (artist)|Stephen Anderson]]. Written by [[w:Don Hall (filmmaker)|Don Hall]] and [[w:Nathan Greno|Nathan Greno]].'' {{center|'''If you think your family's different, wait 'til you meet the family of the future.'''}} == Dialogue == :''[Lewis is being interviewed by the Harringtons for adoption]'' :'''Lewis''': I mean, there's so many things in the world that can be improved. Just think of it. Moving sidewalks, flying cars. The possibilities are endless. :'''Mr. Harrington''': ''[looking over the drawings in Lewis' notebook with his wife]'' Flying cars? Yeah, that's a good one. :'''Lewis''': All it takes is some imagination and a little science, and we can make the world a better place. :'''Mr. Harrington''': Well, these are all interesting ideas. so, what's your favorite sport? :'''Lewis''': Well, does inventing count as a sport? :'''Mr. Harrington''': Actually... :'''Lewis''': 'Cause I think I hit a home run with this one! ''[takes out his PB&J gun]'' :'''Mr. Harrington''': What is that? :'''Lewis''': First, a question. What's the number one problem that you face when you make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? :'''Mr. Harrington''': Lewis, I don't think we... :'''Lewis''': Portion control. Too much peanut butter sticks to the roof of your mouth, takes forever to chew. Too much jelly squishes out the sides and makes your hands all sticky. Well, I propose that the perfect P.B. and J. is within mankind's grasp, and I've built this machine to achieve it. For this demonstration, I'll use regular bread. :'''Mrs. Harrington''': Honey, it's okay. :'''Lewis''': As you can see, toasting is an option. :'''Mrs. Harrington''': ''[uncomfortably]'' We don't usually eat peanut butter. Lewis, this is really not necessary. :'''Lewis''': ''[as his invention jams]'' It's jammed! :'''Mrs. Harrington''': Lewis, please, don't! :'''Lewis''': ''[accidentally fires peanut butter and jelly all over the Harringtons]'' Oops. ''[Mr. Harrington's face starts to swell up due to an allergic reaction to peanuts]'' What's happening?! :'''Mrs. Harrington''': Mr. Harrington has a peanut allergy! :'''Lewis''': ''[screams]'' I'm sorry! Here let me help you get that off! :'''Mrs. Harrington''': ''[takes out an allergy vaccine from her purse]'' STAND BACK! ''[injects the vaccine into her husband's leg]'' :'''Lewis''': Is he going to be okay? :'''Mrs. Harrington''': Breathe. Breathe. :'''Lewis''': I'm so sorry! I didn't know! :'''Mrs. Harrington''': It was really nice to meet you. We're gonna need some time to think about it. ''[closes the door as she and her husband leave the room]'' :''[Lewis peeks behind the door and watches]'' :'''Mildred''': Hi, folks. Everything all... ''[gasps in horrified shock]'' What happened?! :'''Mrs. Harrington''': Miss Duffy, that boy is definitely not right for us. Now, if you'll excuse me. :'''Mildred''': ''[stammering]'' I'm so sorry about this. If you would just... :''[The door slams closed; Lewis looks down with grief]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mr. Willerstein''': Dr. Krunklehorn, I know you're very busy there at Inventco Labs, and we're just so excited to have you as a judge. :'''Dr. Krunklehorn''': It's my pleasure, Mr. Willerstein. Hey, you never know. One of your students may invent the next integrated circuit, microprocessor, or integrated circuit. ''[stops Mr. Willerstein, realizing something]'' Oh, wait! I said that already. Well, I just don't get out of that lab very much. ''[looks down at Mr. Willerstein's bow tie he's wearing]'' Is that a bow tie? I like bow ties. I haven't slept in 8 days! :'''Mr. Willerstein''': Well, can I offer you a cot or something? :'''Dr. Krunklehorn''': Nope. ''[places a sticker with a picture of a coffee mug on Mr. Willerstein's forehead]'' I've got the caffeine patch. I invented it myself. One patch is the equivalent to twelve cups of coffee. You can stay awake for days with no side effects. ''[screams]'' Sorry. Who's this? :'''Mr. Willerstein''': This is one of our students, Stanley Pukowski. :''[Stanley Pukowski, dressed in a toga, waves to them with his project of a model of Mount Vesuvius]'' :'''Dr. Krucklehorn''': Oh, so cute! I just want to bite his chubby little cheeks! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mr. Willerstein''': Okay, next up is Lizzy and her fire ant farm. :'''Lizzy''': ''[monotone]'' That's right. :'''Mr. Willerstein''': Lizzy, we talked about the fire ants. You know that they have a tendency to bite people. :'''Lizzy''': ''[monotone]'' Only my enemies. :'''Mr. Willerstein''': Keep moving, shall we? Top-notch, Lizzy! Let's not anger her or make her jumpy in any way. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lewis''': ''[clears throat]'' Have you ever forgotten something, and no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't remember it? Well, what happens to these forgotten memories? I propose they're stored somewhere in your brain, and I built a machine that can retrieve them. I call it… the Memory Scanner! ''[pulls off the blanket, revealing his invention]'' :'''Dr. Krucklehorn''': It's shiny! :'''Mr. Willerstein''': So, Lewis, how does the Memory Scanner work? :'''Lewis''': (Simple.) First, you input the desired period of time on this keypad. Then, a laser scans the cerebral cortex where memories are stored. The retrieved memory is then displayed on this monitor. :'''Dr. Krucklehorn''': Wrap him up. I'll take two. :'''Lewis''': Now, I'm going back twelve years, three months and eleven days. ''[inputs the desired time period on the keypad]'' :'''Coach''': Why that particular day? You didn't think I was paying attention, did you? :'''Lewis''': Well, that was the day… Let's just say that was a very important day of my life. :'''Coach''': Fair enough. Play ball. :'''Lewis''': ''[starting up his invention]'' It'll just take a second to get the turbines going. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lewis''': Would you quit that, please? I know you're not a pigeon. :'''Wilbur''': ''[quickly covers Lewis' mouth]'' You're blowing my cover! :'''Lewis''': We're the only ones up here. :'''Wilbur''': That's just what they want you to think. Now, enough moping. Take this back to the science fair and fix that Memory Scanner. :'''Lewis''': Stop! Stop! Get away from me! :'''Wilbur''': Maybe you've forgotten, I'm a time cop from the future. It should be taken very seriously. :'''Lewis''': ''[swipes the "badge" out of Wilbur's hand]'' That's no badge. This is a coupon for a tanning salon! You're a fake. :'''Wilbur''': Okay, you got me. I'm not a cop, but I really am from the future, and there really is this Bowler Hat Guy! :'''Lewis''': ''[groans]'' Here we go again. :'''Wilbur''': He stole a time machine, came to the science fair, and ruined your project. :'''Lewis''': My project didn't work because I'm no good. There is no Bowler Hat Guy, there is no time machine, and you're not from the future! YOU'RE CRAZY! :'''Wilbur''': ''[exclaims]'' I am not crazy! :'''Lewis''': Oh, yeah, Captain Time Travel? Prove it. :'''Wilbur''': Uh… um… :'''Lewis''': Yeah, that's what I thought. I'm just gonna go lock myself in my room and hide under the covers for a couple years. :'''Wilbur''': ''[blocks his way when an idea pops into his head]'' If I prove to you that I'm from the future, will you go back to the science fair? :'''Lewis''': ''[sarcastically]'' Yeah, sure, whatever you say. ''[Wilbur takes it as a "yes" and pushes him to the edge of the roof]'' Hey, let go of me! What are you doing? Let go of me! :'''Wilbur''': Okay! ''[pushes Lewis off the roof]'' :'''Lewis''': ''[screaming; stops in midair; Wilbur presses a button, and a time machine appears]'' What is this? Where are we going? :'''Wilbur''': To the future! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wilbur''': ''[showing Lewis the amazing sights of the futuristic city as they time traveled to the future]'' (Well, what do you think?) Is this proof enough for you? :'''Lewis''': ''[amazed]'' Is it ever! I never thought that time travel could be possible in my lifetime, and (now) here it is, right in front of me! :'''Wilbur''': The truth will set you free, brother. :'''Lewis''': This is beyond anything I could've imagined. This means I could really change my life. :'''Wilbur''': That's right, you can. Next stop, science fair to fix your Memory Scanner. :'''Lewis''': ''[realizing]'' Hey, I'm not gonna fix that stupid Memory Scanner. :'''Wilbur''': ''[screeches the time machine to a stop, having to have heard that; shocked]'' WHAT?! :'''Lewis''': Wilbur, this is a time machine! Why should I fix my dumb invention when you can take me to see my mom now, in this ship? :'''Wilbur''': Uh... um... :'''Lewis''': I could actually go back (in time) to that night, and stop her from giving me up. :'''Wilbur''': The answer is not a time machine. ''[holds up the drawing of the Memory Scanner]'' It's this! :'''Lewis''': ''This?'' You want to know what I think about this? ''[rips up the drawing]'' :'''Wilbur''': What are you doing?! :'''Lewis''': ''[takes off his seatbelt and moves up to take the wheel]'' I'm sorry, Wilbur, but you don't know what I've lived through. :'''Wilbur''': Lewis, no! :''[The boys start fighting over the steering wheel]'' :'''Lewis''': Let go! :'''Wilbur''': You let go! :'''Lewis''': You're not the boss of me! :'''Wilbur''': Yes, I am! 'Cause you're 12 and I'm 13! That makes me older! :'''Lewis''': Well, I was born in the past, which makes ''me'' older and the boss of ''you! [accidentally rips off the steering wheel]'' :''[The time machine crashes into a building, damaging one of its wings; the boys scream while bracing for impact and they crash into a green hill outside the city]'' :'''Wilbur''': ''[holds up the steering wheel; horrified]'' I am ''so'' dead. ''[he and Lewis exit the destroyed time machine; worried that he's gonna be in so much trouble]'' I'm not allowed to look at this thing, let alone drive it! Mom and Dad are gonna kill me, and I can tell you this, it will not be done with mercy! :'''Lewis''': Isn't there, like, a time machine repair shop or something? :'''Wilbur''': No! There's only '''''two''''' time machines in existence, and the Bowler Hat Guy has the other one! :'''Lewis''': Well, ''somebody's'' gonna have to fix this. :'''Wilbur''': Good idea! ''[pulls him over to the broken time machine]'' You're smart. You fix it. :'''Lewis''': ''[baffled]'' Are you crazy?! I can't fix this thing. :'''Wilbur''': Yes, you can. You broke it. You fix it. :'''Lewis''': ''[thinks for a moment]'' Alright, under ''one'' condition. I fix it, ''you'' take me back to see my mom. :'''Wilbur''': What?! You didn't even follow through on our last deal! How can I trust you? :'''Lewis''': Well, ''you'' told me you were a time cop from the future. How can I trust ''you?'' :'''Wilbur''': ''[pauses]'' Touchè. :'''Lewis''': So, do we have a deal? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wilbur''': We'll sneak this thing into the garage. You'll have all the tools you need. :'''Lewis''': What about your parents? :'''Wilbur''': Mom never goes in there, and Dad's on a business trip until tomorrow morning. You've got till then to fix it. :'''Lewis''': Well, fine, but I'm gonna need some blueprints or something for this. :'''Wilbur''': No worries. I got someone who can help us with that. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wilbur''': ''[puts a fruit hat on Lewis' head after Carl the robot runs away]'' If my family finds out I brought you from the past, they'll bury me alive, and dance on my grave. I'm ''not'' exaggerating! Well... Yes, I am, but not the point! The point is, your hair's a dead giveaway! :'''Lewis''': ''[confused]'' Why would my hair be a dead giveaway? :'''Wilbur''': That is an excellent question! ''[runs off]'' :'''Lewis''': Wait, where are you going? :'''Wilbur''': Another excellent question! ''[runs under the travel tube and is sucked up]'' :'''Lewis''': But I don't just want to sit here. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Carl''': What do you mean, don't go to the family? How can we not go to the family in this time of family crisis? By leaving the garage door unlocked, you let the time machine get stolen, and now the entire time stream could be altered! That and someone took my bike. :'''Wilbur''': Look, I told you. It's gonna all work out. First, we keep Lewis in the garage away from everybody. I show up and give him the pep talk of the century. Then he fixes the time machine. :'''Carl''': Why is it an acorn? :'''Wilbur''': I didn't have time to sculpt everything. Okay, now, the time machine is fixed. His confidence in inventing is restored. He goes back to the science fair, fixes his Memory Scanner, thus restoring the space-time continuum. :'''Carl''': What about taking him back to see his mom? :'''Wilbur''': I just told him that to buy some time. :'''Carl''': Oh, yeah, can't see that one blowing up in your face. :'''Wilbur''': Trust me. I got it under control. Wilbur Robinson never fails. But on the slight chance that I do... :'''Carl''': "On the slight chance," yeah. You know what? I'll run the numbers. :'''Wilbur''': What is it? :'''Carl''': Well, it's not. It doesn't pertain to anything in. You know, there's not necessarily, there's a 99.999999% chance that you won't exist. :'''Wilbur''': What? :'''Carl''': And I didn't want to tell you, but I did. :'''Wilbur''': I won't exist? :'''Carl''': And where does that leave me? Alone, rusting in a corner. :'''Wilbur''': What am I worried about? Now, blueprints? :'''Carl''': If this thing ever blows over, I really gotta get away from you and get some quiet time. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grandpa Bud''': ''[cheerfully when Lewis runs and bumps into him from behind]'' Well, hey there, little fella! Now, I know what you're thinking, and my clothes are not on backwards. My head is! ''[laughing]'' Oh, I used to tell that one to my science students. They didn't laugh, either. Anywho, what's your name, fruit-head? :'''Lewis''': Well, Lewis, but... :'''Grandpa Bud''': Lewis, huh? Well, say, Lewis, you haven't seen any teeth around here, have you? :'''Lewis''': Teeth? :'''Grandpa Bud''': Yeah, my teeth. ''[Lewis exclaims in disgust]'' Been digging holes all day. Can't find them anywhere. :'''Lewis''': All right, look, old man, I need to get back to the garage. Wilbur left me down there, and I wasn't supposed to leave, and these monsters attacked me on the porch and... :'''Grandpa Bud''': Monsters? There's no monsters on the porch, you ninny. :'''Lewis''': Listen to me! :'''Grandpa Bud''': Of course, I also didn't think there was a woodchuck living on my arm, and lookie there! Hope he ain't got rabies. :'''Lewis''': Old man, I need to get to the garage! :'''Grandpa Bud''': Well, sure, I'll get you there in a jiffy. I know a shortcut! ''[they enter the living room instead]'' Welcome to the garage! Well, I'm completely lost. :'''Billie''': Hiya, Grandpa! :'''Grandpa Bud''': Hey, Aunt Billie. Lewis and I are looking for the garage. :'''Gaston''': We have a garage? :'''Grandpa Bud''': Apparently so. :'''Gaston''': Lewis, will you give me a hand and time my race? ''[gives Lewis a stopwatch]'' :'''Billie''': Okay, Gaston, my toy train's ready for ya! :''[A big toy train appears]'' :'''Lewis''': ''That's'' a toy train? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tallulah''': Laszlo, you stop painting my hat, or I'm telling Ma! :'''Laszlo''': Ah, lighten up, sis. :'''Tallulah''': Lasz, I mean it! :'''Fritz''': Children, please! Your mother is trying to take a nap. :'''Petunia''': What is all the yelling out here?! :'''Tallulah''': ''[in unison]'' He started it! :'''Laszlo''': ''[in unison]'' She started it! :'''Petunia''': I don't want to hear any more! :'''Fritz''': Now, sweetie… :'''Petunia''': ''[savagely slaps him in the face]'' Don't you "sweetie" me! I'm going for a drive. ''[the sound of a car roars away]'' :'''Grandpa Bud''': That's strange. She usually takes the Harley. :'''Wilbur''': ''[popping out of the bathroom toilet]'' Lewis?! :'''Grandpa Bud''': Ooh, I bet my wife, Lucille's baking cookies. ''[opens the door, revealing Lucille dancing on the dance floor]'' Bake them cookies, Lucille! :'''Lewis''': Why is your dog wearing glasses? :'''Grandpa Bud''': Oh, because his insurance won't pay for contacts. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grandpa Bud''': Hey, Lefty, any idea how to get to the garage? Well, that's true. We didn't ask her yet. :'''Lewis''': Who? :'''Grandpa Bud''': Wilbur's mom, Franny. I think you'll like her. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lewis''': Right. Well, glad I could help with the teeth, but, wow, look at the time. ''[runs away and bumps into Wilbur]'' :'''Wilbur''': Lewis, I told you to stay in the garage! :'''Lewis''': I did, but I went up the tube, and I ran into your family and I-- :'''Wilbur''': ''[panicked stammering]'' '''''You met my family?!''''' ''[grabs him by the ear and drags him away into a dark room, then turns on the light]'' Pop quiz. Who have you met, and what have you learned? :'''Lewis''': Okay. Bud, Fritz, and Joe are brothers. Fritz is married to Petunia, and is she…? ''[makes hand-puppet gesture]'' :'''Wilbur''': Cranky? Yes. :'''Lewis''': Tallulah and Lazslo are their children, Joe is married to Billie, Lefty is the butler, Spike and Dimitri are twins, and I don't know who they're related to. :'''Wilbur''': Neither do we. Go on. :'''Lewis''': Lucille is married to Bud, and your dad, Cornelius, is their son. ''[pause; curiously]'' What does Cornelius look like? :'''Wilbur''': ''[thinks for a moment]'' [[w:Tom Selleck|Tom Selleck]]. :'''Lewis''': ''[beat]'' Okay, Cornelius is married to Franny, and her brothers are Gaston and Art. :'''Wilbur''': You're forgetting something. :'''Lewis''': Forgetting-? Oh, right! Wilbur is the son of Franny and Cornelius. :'''Wilbur''': And nobody realized that you were from the past? :'''Lewis''': Nope. ''[Wilbur sighs with relief]'' Thank you, thank you! Hold your applause, thank you very much. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lewis''': ''[to Wilbur while fixing the time machine]'' I don't even know what I'm doing. :'''Wilbur''': ''[scrubs the hatch with a sponge]'' Keep moving forward. :'''Lewis''': I mean, this stuff is way too advanced for me. :'''Wilbur''': ''[fixes the top of his hair]'' Keep moving forward. :'''Lewis''': And what if I can't fix this, what are we gonna do? :'''Wilbur''': ''[checks his teeth]'' Keep moving forward. :'''Lewis''': Why do you keep saying that? And don't just say "keep moving forward". :'''Wilbur''': It's my dad's motto. :'''Lewis''': Why would his motto be "keep moving forward"? :'''Wilbur''': It's what he does. :'''Lewis''': What's that supposed to mean? :'''Wilbur''': That is an excellent question. Robinson Industries, the world's leading scientific research and design factory. My dad runs the company. They mass produce his inventions. His motto: "Keep moving forward". It's what he does. :'''Lewis''': What has he invented? :'''Wilbur''': Everything. Carl, the time machine, the travel tubes. :'''Lewis''': Your dad invented the time machine? :'''Wilbur''': Yep. Five years ago, Dad wakes up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. Wants to build a time machine. So, he starts working! We're talking plans, we're talking scale models, we're talking prototypes! ''[shows Lewis a small scrap of metal]'' :'''Lewis''': ''That's'' a prototype? :'''Wilbur''': The very first… Or, what's left of it. :'''Lewis''': Yikes. :'''Wilbur''': Yeah. Dark day at the Robinson house. Prototypes 2 and 3, not much better. Number 6, 58, 212, 485, 952, and they all end the same way. ''[holds up three signs of the word "Failure", a frowny face, and a toilet; shakes Lewis]'' But he doesn't give up! ''[pauses; looks at the fruit hat]'' Dude, I can't take you seriously in that hat. ''[Lewis is now wearing a cap]'' He keeps working and working until finally, he gets it. The first working time machine. Then, he keeps working and working until finally, he gets it again. The second working time machine. :'''Lewis''': Kind of small. :'''Wilbur''': I'm assuming that's a joke. I'm ignoring you for time reasons. This, my friend, is merely a model, because unfortunately, time machine #2… is in the hands of the Bowler Hat Guy. Pretty amazing story, huh? :'''Lewis''': Yeah. :'''Wilbur''': Now, are you ready to start working? :'''Lewis''': I think that's it. I did it! :'''Wilbur''': I knew you could. Nice work, my friend. ''[The time machine flies up, but falls, broken again]'' Well, you know what they say! "Keep moving…" :'''Lewis''': ''[angrily interrupting]'' DON'T SAY IT! ''[sighs]'' :'''Franny''': ''[on intercom] Boys, dinner time!'' :'''Wilbur''': Not now, Mom. :'''Franny''': ''If you aren't up here in five minutes, I'm gonna come down and get you.'' :''[The boys look at the broken time machine, fearing that Franny will come down and see it, and realize they can't let that happen]'' :'''Wilbur''': We'd better get up there. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Art''': Reminds me of the time my meatball pizza staved off civil war on the black moon of Keward. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gaston''': Where are you from, Lewis? :'''Lewis''': ''[awkwardly]'' Canada? :'''Tallulah''': I think you mean North Montana. Hasn't been called Canada in years. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gaston''': And so, it begins. Ready, aim... FIRE! ''[fires a meatball at Franny in the cheek]'' :'''Franny''': Ha. Surely that is not the best you can do. ''[sound doesn't match her lips]'' :'''Gaston''': Impressive, little sister. Your skills are strong, but not strong enough. :'''Franny''': Your words do not threaten me, brother. :'''Gaston''': Then enough words. Now the real battle begins. :'''Franny''': Your meatballs are useless against me. :'''Gaston''': Then perhaps it's time for spicy Italian sausage. :'''Franny''': ''[gasps]'' No! ''[After above scene]'' :'''Lewis''': Is dinner like this every night? :'''Art''': No. Yesterday we had meatloaf. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wilbur''': ''[notices Carl having trouble with the PB&J gun, just like the one Lewis had after an incident with the Harringtons while being interviewed for adoption]'' Just what the doctor ordered. ''[drags Lewis over]'' My friend Lewis is an inventor. He can fix it. :'''Lewis''': Wilbur, you know I can't. :'''Lucille''': Come on. Give it a try. :'''Art''': You don't understand what's at stake here. Uncle Joe's seen the toast! :'''Grandpa Bud''': We're past the point of no return! :'''Billie''': ''[comforting Uncle Joe as he's going under pressure]'' If he doesn't get PB&J… :'''Petunia''': We all pay! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': Ah, yes! You are now under my control! :'''Frankie''': I am now under your control. :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': ''[laughs; Frankie does monotone laughing]'' Stop laughing! :'''Frankie''': Stop laughing. :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': Don't repeat everything I say! :'''Frankie''': I won't repeat everything you say. :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': Excellent! :'''Frankie''': Excellent. :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': Uh, did you just say "excellent" because I said "excellent"?! :'''Frankie''': ''[lying]'' Uh, no. :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': Excellent! :'''Frankie''': Excellent. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': Did you not hear what I say you idiot?! Grab the boy and bring him! :'''Frankie''': Well, it's just that, there's a lot of people over there, and I have little arms. I'm just not so sure how well this plan was thought through. ''[Bowler Hat Guy is dumbfounded]'' Master? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': What's going on?! Why aren't you seizing the boy?! :'''Tyrannosaur''': ''[in dinosaur language]'' I have a big head and little arms. I'm just not so sure how well this plan was thought through. Master? :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': ''[dumbfounded once again]'' Ugh, stupid, stupid, stupid! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': Little Doris now sleeps with the fishies. ''[Doris takes the monitor out of his hands and angrily smacks him in the head with it]'' :'''Wilbur''': Nice catch. :'''Lewis''': Nice meatball shooting! Guess we made a pretty good team, huh? :'''Wilbur''': Yeah, guess we did. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lewis''': ''[after Wilbur knocks the hat off his head, revealing his hair and secret to the Robinson family]'' Okay, it's true. I'm from the past. Now you know the big secret. :'''Franny''': Wilbur, what have you done? How could you bring ''him '''here?!''''' :'''Wilbur''': That is an excellent question. :'''Lewis''': Please, don't get mad at Wilbur. He was just being a good friend. :'''Franny''': Lewis, I am so sorry, but you have to go. :'''Lewis''': ''[upset]'' What? You just said... :'''Franny''': I know what I said. :'''Lewis''': I'm from the past. So what? :'''Franny''': Lewis. Lewis, look at me. You're... You're a great kid, and we would never do anything to hurt you, but I'm sorry. You have to go back to your own time. :'''Wilbur''': Yeah, about that, um... one of the time machines is broken, and the other one was stolen by a guy with a bowler hat, which, uhh... kind of explains the dino. :''[The Robinsons all look at the Tyrannosaurus Rex]'' :'''Franny''': ''[disappointedly]'' I'm calling your father. ''[about to walk back inside]'' :'''Lewis''': Wait. If I have to leave, can I at least go back and find my mom? Wilbur promised. :'''Franny''': ''[annoyed]'' You promised what? :'''Wilbur''': I was never gonna do it. I swear. ''[gasps as covers his mouth with his right hand]'' :'''Lewis''': ''[shocked & hurt]'' You lied to me? :'''Wilbur''': ''[denies]'' No. ''[nervously smiles for a brief second, and admits, nodding his head]'' Yes. ''[Lewis grunts angrily over his betrayal and starts to storm off]'' Lewis! Lewis, wait! :'''Lewis''': ''[enraged]'' I can't believe I was dumb enough to actually believe you were my friend! ''[resumes running off in heartbreak]'' :'''Wilbur''': I am your friend! :'''Franny''': ''[sternly to Wilbur]'' Mister, you're grounded till you die. ''[walks back inside the house along with the other Robinsons]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': Oh, yes, Doris, it ''is'' a shame. All he wants to do is go back in time to meet the mother he never knew, but they won't let him. We'd let him, though. Too bad we don't have a time machine. Oh, wait, we do. :'''Lewis''': Bowler Hat Guy? :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': Hello, Lewis. :'''Lewis''': What do you want? :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': To make your dream come true. All you have to do is put Humpy Dumpty back together again, and we'll take you back to find your mommy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lewis''': Why are you doing this to me? I never did anything to you. :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': ''[amused]'' You ''still'' haven't figured it out! :'''Lewis''': Figured out what? :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': Let's see if this rings a bell. Father of the future, inventor extraordinaire, "Keep moving forward"? :'''Lewis''': That's not ''me'', that's Wilbur's dad. ''[Bowler Hat Guy stares at him expectantly. Lewis' eyes go wide in realization]'' Are you saying… ''I'm'' Wilbur's… Dad? :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': Oh, give the boy a prize! ''You'' grow up to be the founder of this wretched time. So, I plan to destroy your [[destiny]]! Easy-peasy, rice and cheesy! :'''Lewis''': ''[flabbergasted]'' Wait. So, if ''I'm'' Wilbur's dad... :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': Keep going. :'''Lewis''': Uh, if ''I'm'' Wilbur's dad... :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': ''[irritated]'' Yes, thank you, we've ''established'' that! :'''Lewis''': But... What does it have to do with you? :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': Ah-ha! Allow me to shed some light on the subject. ''[turns on the light, revealing their old room in the orphanage]'' :'''Lewis''': ''[gasps]'' My old room! :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': I think you mean OUR old room. :'''Lewis''': ''[confused]'' What? :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': ''[removes his cloak, revealing a too-small, filthy Little League Baseball uniform]'' Ah, yes! Yes, it is I, Mike Yagoobian! :'''Lewis''': ''[in disgust & horror]'' Ugh! :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': I know! I'm disgusting! But one learns to love it! :'''Lewis''': How'd you end up like this?! :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': Well, it's a long and pitiful story, about a young boy with a dream. a dream of winning a Little League championship. ''[flashback to a Little League baseball game; he is asleep in the outfield and fails to catch a ball; voice-over]'' A dream that was ruined in the last inning. We lost by one run because of me. :''[Goob is surrounded by furious baseball players, all preparing to beat him up]'' :'''Baseball player''': Get him! :''[Fade to him in the orphanage, angrily talking to some parents about his bad day]'' :'''Mike "Goob" Yagoobian''': ''[infuriated]'' If I hadn't fallen asleep, I would have caught the ball! And we would have won! Do you understand?! :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': ''[voice-over]'' For some reason, no one wanted to adopt me. :'''Reporter''': ''[over the radio]'' Whiz kid Cornelius Robinson graduates from college at age 14 - This year's Nobel Prize goes to a young Cornelius Robinson… :''[Goob walks down the school hallway, carrying his unicorn binder, and ignoring some students]'' :'''Student #1''': Hey, Goob, what's up? Cool binder. :'''Student #2''': Hey, Goob, want to come over to my house today? :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': ''[voice-over]'' They all hated me. Eventually, they closed down the orphanage and everyone left... except ''me''. :'''Reporter''': ''[on radio]'' Cornelius Robinson rebuilds Inventco - Robinson reaches out to - Cornelius Robinson - Cornelius Robinson is now - Now here's another amazing... :''[30 years later…]'' :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': ''[voice-over]'' It was then that I realized it ''wasn't'' my fault. It was ''yours!'' If you hadn't kept me up all night working on your stupid project, then I wouldn't have missed the catch. So, I devised a brilliant plan to get revenge. ''[throwing eggs at Robinson Industries]'' Robinson, you STINK! ''[voice-over]'' Then, just as I was on the brink of destroying Robinson Industries, I met…''her.'' ''[Doris appears, a cephalopod-like robotic bowler hat]'' We retreated to our villainous lair, where Doris spun a tale of deception and woe. Apparently, ''you'' invented her to be a helping hat, a slave to humankind. But Doris knew she was capable of so much more. ''[Doris takes control of the lab assistant]'' However, you didn't see her true potential. :'''Cornelius''': Got it! :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': So, you shut her down, or so you thought. ''[Doris breaks out of her cell]'' We both had a score to settle with you, and while my plan for revenge was brilliant, Doris' was… well, we went with Doris'. But I made a very, very important contribution. Together, we made the perfect team. ''[watches Wilbur entering the garage at the Robinson house through night-vision goggles]'' :'''Franny''': ''[off-screen]'' Wilbur, make sure you shut that door tight or else the alarm won't engage. :'''Wilbur''': Yeah, Mom. ''[leaves the garage, but forgot to lock the door]'' :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': I went to your house, snuck in the garage, and stole the time machine. All thanks to that pointy-haired little kid who forgot to lock the garage door. ''[laughs; end of flashback]'' And now all that's left is to return to Inventco, where I'll pass off your little gizmo as my own. :'''Lewis''': But you have no idea what that could do to this future! :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': I don't care! I just want to ruin your life! :'''Lewis''': Goob, I had no idea! :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': Shut up! And don't call me "Goob"! How many evil villains do you know who can pull off a name like "Goob"? Bleh! :'''Lewis''': Look, I'm sorry your life turned out so bad, but don't blame me, you messed it up yourself. You just focused on the bad stuff when all you had to do was... let go of the past... and keep moving forward. :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': Hmm, let's see... take [[responsibility]] for my own life or blame you? Dingdingdingdingding! Blame you wins hands down! ''[laughs evilly]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wilbur''': I bet you're glad to see me! ''[Lewis punches him in the arm]'' OW! :'''Lewis''': That's for not locking the garage door! :'''Wilbur''': Ah! ''[awkwardly]'' You know about that? :'''Lewis''': I know ''everything.'' :'''Wilbur''': You gotta admit, this'll be a ''great'' story to tell me someday. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': ''[as Doris brings the Memory Scanner back]'' Take a good look around, boys, because your future is about to '''''change.''' [heads to the past]'' :'''Wilbur''': Lewis, you ''have'' to fix the time machine! :'''Lewis''': No, no, I–I ''can't''! ''[In the past, Bowler Hat Guy/Future Goob has entered Inventco, chuckling evilly]'' What about your dad?! You could call him! :'''Wilbur''': You ''are'' my dad! :'''Lewis''': But that's in the future! :'''Wilbur''': There won't ''be'' a future, unless you fix the time machine! ''[In the past, Bowler Hat Guy/Future Goob is showing off the memory scanner]'' Look, I messed up. I left the garage unlocked and I've tried like crazy to fix things... But now it's up to ''you''. ''[In the past, Bowler Hat Guy/Future Goob is about to sign a contract]'' You can do it, Dad! ''[starts to vanish]'' Lewis? Lewis! ''[turns into a ball of light, flies over the Robinson yard and is sucked into the sky]'' :'''Lewis''': Wilbur? Wilbur! Wilbur. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lewis''': ''[as Doris reveals herself after watching a memory of her taking over the city from the Memory Scanner; horrified]'' No. No, this can't be happening! NO! :''[The Robinson family members appear, all under Doris' control]'' :'''Franny''': ''[under Doris' control]'' Oh, Lewis. It's already happened. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lewis''': Why did I ''ever'' invent that stupid hat?! ''[gets an idea]'' Take a good look around, Doris, 'cause your future's about to change. ''[time-travels to the past, where Bowler Hat Guy/Future Goob is signing a contract]'' Goob, stop! You don't know what you're doing! :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': ''[angrily]'' YES, I DO! I'm ruining your future! (After what you done me wrong!) :'''Lewis''': She's using you, Goob, and when she gets what she wants, she'll get rid of you. :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': What? What? :'''Lewis''': ''[facing Doris before she starts to attack him; bravely]'' I am '''''never''''' going to invent you. ''[Doris freezes, trembling, and disappears from existence]'' Come on, Goob. I've got to show you something. :''[Lewis and Bowler Hat Guy/Future Goob enter the future]'' :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': ''[hurt and understanding that Doris was using him; last words]'' Doris? I thought she was my friend. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wilbur''': You did it, Lewis, you did it! ''[sees Bowler Hat Guy/Future Goob, gasps, and attacks him]'' I'll hold him while you run for help. :'''Lewis''': ''[pries Wilbur off Bowler Hat Guy/Future Goob]'' Let him go! :'''Wilbur''': Wh-what are you doing? He's the bad guy! :'''Lewis''': No, he's not, he's my roommate. :'''Wilbur''': What? :'''Lewis''': ''[pulls Wilbur aside; quietly]'' He's my old roommate, and I really think you guys should adopt him. :'''Wilbur''': Are you nuts? :'''Lewis''': Give me a good reason why not. :'''Wilbur''': I'll give you three good reasons. He stole our time machine, tried to ruin your future, and he smells like he hasn't showered in 30 years! :'''Lewis''': ''[grabs Wilbur by the ear; whispering sternly]'' May I remind you, I'm your father, and you have to do what I say. :'''Wilbur''': Okay, Mr. Yagoobian, do you want to be a Robinson? ''[turns to see Future Goob has disappeared]'' Where'd he go? :'''Lewis''': Goob? ''[calling out]'' Goob! Goob. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cornelius''': ''[in the garage]'' Franny, they're gone! Oh, this is terrible! :'''Franny''': Oh, boy. :'''Grandpa Bud''': Well, he's home early. :'''Cornelius''': Franny, where are you?! ''[runs out]'' The time machines are ''gone''! ''[sees Lewis]'' Oh, oh! ''[Lewis waves awkwardly at his future self, who does the same thing, before looking questioningly at everyone else; Wilbur tries to sneak away, but Franny grabs him by the arm and points to him; unimpressed]'' Mm-hmm. :'''Wilbur''': ''[deadpan]'' Ratted out by the old lady. Harsh. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Carl''': Have a safe trip, little Lewis. :'''Lewis''': I will. :'''Carl''': Hey, while I got you here, just a couple of little suggestions regarding my design. ''[takes out picture of buff self]'' Let's face it, these skinny limbs don't exactly make the teapot whistle. All that really matters is, hey, don't forget to invent me. :'''Lewis''': Are you kidding? No way! :'''Carl''': I [[love]] you. :'''Lewis''': ''[to Bud and Lucille]'' There's so many things I wish I could ask you. :'''Wilbur''': Excuse me. Time travel now, questions later. :'''Lewis''': But I... :'''Lucille''': Don't worry. Just get back to that science fair, and we'll see you real soon. :'''Lewis''': Oh, right. Right, okay, I will. Bye! :'''Grandpa Bud''': Goodbye, son! :'''Lewis''': Thanks again for everything! :'''Franny''': Wait! Lewis, one more thing. :'''Lewis''': Yeah? :'''Franny''': Just a little tip for the future. I am always right. Even when I'm wrong, I'm right. :'''Cornelius''': She's right. I'd just go with it if I were you. And I am. :'''Lewis''': Then you're absolutely right. ''[Wilbur honks the horn]'' All right, I'm coming. :'''Wilbur''': Well, it's not like you're never gonna see them again. They are your family, after all. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Lewis and Wilbur time travel to the rainy night of the beginning events of the movie]'' :'''Lewis''': Wait a minute. You're supposed to take me back to the science fair. :'''Wilbur''': I know. :''[The time machine flies down in front of the orphanage and turns invisible]'' :'''Lewis''': Well, I think you punched in the wrong numbers. :'''Wilbur''': We agreed that, if you fixed the time machine, I'd take you back to see your mom. :'''Lewis''': What? ''[looks outside and sees his mother approaching the orphanage, carrying him as an infant in a box; mouths "Mom" inaudible]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Lewis and Wilbur return to the past after Lewis decided to let his mother go, realizing that he already has a family]'' :'''Wilbur''': I don't get it. Why'd you just let her go? :'''Lewis''': Because… I already have a family. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Lewis starts up the Memory Scanner and the monitor shows Lucille's memory of her getting married with a younger version of Grandpa Bud]'' :'''Lewis''': Bud? :'''Bud''': ''[appearing out of nowhere; amazed]'' Would you look at that? :'''Lucille''': Oh, honey! Honey, you're just in time! :'''Lewis''': Lucille! :'''Mr. Willerstein''': You did it, Lewis! You did it! This invention is brilliant! :'''Coach''': Kid, you're this fair's MVP! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Reporter''': Over here? There he is. Kid, we'd like to get a story on you for the local paper. ''[shakes hands with Lewis]'' You've got a bright future ahead of you. :'''Lewis''': ''[looks at Lucille, Bud, and Young Franny; smiling dreamily]'' Yeah. :''[At the orphanage… Lewis packs up his trunk as he's being adopted by Bud and Lucille, says goodbye to Goob while he's being interviewed by a couple wanting to adopt him and talking about winning the Little League championship; Outside, he and Mildred hug, gets in Bud and Lucille's car, then waves farewell to Mildred as they drive off, who then waves at him in return]'' == Cast == * Daniel Hansen and Jordan Fry – Lewis * Wesley Singerman – Wilbur Robinson * Stephen John Anderson – Bowler Hat Guy/Future Goob, Grandpa Bud, Tallulah * Nicole Sullivan – Franny Robinson **Jessie Flower – Young Franny * Matthew Josten – Mike Yagoobian * Angela Bassett – Mildred Duffy * Laura Metcalf – Grandma Lucille/Dr. Krucklehorn * Harland Williams – Carl * Ethan Sandler – Doris, CEO, Spike, Dimitri, Laszlo, Fritz, Petunia * Kellie M. Hoover – Aunt Billie * Don Hall – Gaston, Coach * Adam West – Uncle Art * Aurian Redson – Frankie the frog * Nathan Greno – Lefty the octopus * [[w:Tom Kenny|Tom Kenny]] – Mr. Willerstein * [[w:Tom Selleck|Tom Selleck]] – Cornelius * Paul Butcher – Stanley * Tracey Miller-Zarneke – Lizzy == About Meet the Robinsons == * <p>So we had some different challenges: we had skin texture we had to work out, we had to grow hair off of characters' heads and we had to find an animation style that was still fun and loose and had some caricature to it, but could portray humans in a believable way. The Incredibles was a definite inspiration for this. It was eye-popping to me, and certainly part of my education in 3D and how to do character animation with all of its subtleties.</p><p>One really interesting technique that we used is occlusion. It creates shadows based on the proximity of one object to another. It's a way to avoid that glowy feel that computer animation has or the way mouths look like they're illuminated from inside. Occlusion, because it's a closed space in there, will darken that mouth immediately. Then when we add our texture and lighting on top of that, you have a bit more real look to the images you're creating. It's that extra layer of believability that computer animation is so great at.</p> **[[w:Stephen J. Anderson|Steve Anderson]] [http://www.awn.com/animationworld/meet-robinsons-keep-moving-forward-disney 'Meet The Robinsons': Keep Moving Forward at Disney], ''Animation World Network'', 30 March 2007 * You could see it in the animation of 2008's Bolt, the first film Lasseter and Catmull touched: The characters were more visually appealing, more believable, funnier than the characters in Disney's previous film, Meet the Robinsons. And crucially, the acting was more nuanced: The characters didn't feel like caricatures. :* Caitlin Roper, Wired [Roper, Caitlin (October 21, 2014). "Big Hero 6 Proves It: Pixar's Gurus Have Brought the Magic Back to Disney Animation". Wired. Condé Nast.] ==See Also== Random ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{Authority control}} {{Walt Disney Animation Studios}} [[Category:2007 computer-animated films]] [[Category:2007 American animated films]] [[Category:American computer-animated films]] [[Category:American 3D animated films]] [[Category:American children's animated comic science fiction films]] [[Category:Animated films about time travel]] [[Category:Animated films about revenge]] [[Category:Animated films about orphans]] [[Category:Animated films based on children's books]] rymwjvz5j0ti8do1jeh9fgw02ghjmmr 3778941 3778939 2025-07-15T00:28:12Z 2600:1700:C361:A40:598C:AA99:C4B7:8F3B /* Dialogue */ 3778941 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Meet the Robinsons|Meet the Robinsons]]''''' is a [[w:2007 in film|2007]] [[w:CGI|CGI-animated]] family film produced by Walt Disney Pictures about an inventive orphan boy named Lewis, whose world is changed when a boy named Wilbur takes him on a trip to the future to meet his family, the Robinsons. It was released in theaters on March 30, 2007, a month after ''[[Bridge to Terabithia (2007 film)|Bridge to Terabithia]]'', and three months before [[w:Pixar Animation Studios|Pixar]]'s ''[[Ratatouille]]''. :''Directed by [[w:Stephen Anderson (artist)|Stephen Anderson]]. Written by [[w:Don Hall (filmmaker)|Don Hall]] and [[w:Nathan Greno|Nathan Greno]].'' {{center|'''If you think your family's different, wait 'til you meet the family of the future.'''}} == Dialogue == :''[Lewis is being interviewed by the Harringtons for adoption]'' :'''Lewis''': I mean, there's so many things in the world that can be improved. Just think of it. Moving sidewalks, flying cars. The possibilities are endless. :'''Mr. Harrington''': ''[looking over the drawings in Lewis' notebook with his wife]'' Flying cars? Yeah, that's a good one. :'''Lewis''': All it takes is some imagination and a little science, and we can make the world a better place. :'''Mr. Harrington''': Well, these are all interesting ideas. so, what's your favorite sport? :'''Lewis''': Well, does inventing count as a sport? :'''Mr. Harrington''': Actually... :'''Lewis''': 'Cause I think I hit a home run with this one! ''[takes out his PB&J gun]'' :'''Mr. Harrington''': What is that? :'''Lewis''': First, a question. What's the number one problem that you face when you make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? :'''Mr. Harrington''': Lewis, I don't think we... :'''Lewis''': Portion control. Too much peanut butter sticks to the roof of your mouth, takes forever to chew. Too much jelly squishes out the sides and makes your hands all sticky. Well, I propose that the perfect P.B. and J. is within mankind's grasp, and I've built this machine to achieve it. For this demonstration, I'll use regular bread. :'''Mrs. Harrington''': Honey, it's okay. :'''Lewis''': As you can see, toasting is an option. :'''Mrs. Harrington''': ''[uncomfortably]'' We don't usually eat peanut butter. Lewis, this is really not necessary. :'''Lewis''': ''[as his invention jams]'' It's jammed! :'''Mrs. Harrington''': Lewis, please, don't! :'''Lewis''': ''[accidentally fires peanut butter and jelly all over the Harringtons]'' Oops. ''[Mr. Harrington's face starts to swell up due to an allergic reaction to peanuts]'' What's happening?! :'''Mrs. Harrington''': Mr. Harrington has a peanut allergy! :'''Lewis''': ''[screams]'' I'm sorry! Here let me help you get that off! :'''Mrs. Harrington''': ''[takes out an allergy vaccine from her purse]'' STAND BACK! ''[injects the vaccine into her husband's leg]'' :'''Lewis''': Is he going to be okay? :'''Mrs. Harrington''': Breathe. Breathe. :'''Lewis''': I'm so sorry! I didn't know! :'''Mrs. Harrington''': It was really nice to meet you. We're gonna need some time to think about it. ''[closes the door as she and her husband leave the room]'' :''[Lewis peeks behind the door and watches]'' :'''Mildred''': Hi, folks. Everything all... ''[gasps in horrified shock]'' What happened?! :'''Mrs. Harrington''': Miss Duffy, that boy is definitely not right for us. Now, if you'll excuse me. :'''Mildred''': ''[stammering]'' I'm so sorry about this. If you would just... :''[The door slams closed; Lewis looks down with grief]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mr. Willerstein''': Dr. Krunklehorn, I know you're very busy there at Inventco Labs, and we're just so excited to have you as a judge. :'''Dr. Krunklehorn''': It's my pleasure, Mr. Willerstein. Hey, you never know. One of your students may invent the next integrated circuit, microprocessor, or integrated circuit. ''[stops Mr. Willerstein, realizing something]'' Oh, wait! I said that already. Well, I just don't get out of that lab very much. ''[looks down at Mr. Willerstein's bow tie he's wearing]'' Is that a bow tie? I like bow ties. I haven't slept in 8 days! :'''Mr. Willerstein''': Well, can I offer you a cot or something? :'''Dr. Krunklehorn''': Nope. ''[places a sticker with a picture of a coffee mug on Mr. Willerstein's forehead]'' I've got the caffeine patch. I invented it myself. One patch is the equivalent to twelve cups of coffee. You can stay awake for days with no side effects. ''[screams]'' Sorry. Who's this? :'''Mr. Willerstein''': This is one of our students, Stanley Pukowski. :''[Stanley Pukowski, dressed in a toga, waves to them with his project of a model of Mount Vesuvius]'' :'''Dr. Krucklehorn''': Oh, so cute! I just want to bite his chubby little cheeks! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mr. Willerstein''': Okay, next up is Lizzy and her fire ant farm. :'''Lizzy''': ''[monotone]'' That's right. :'''Mr. Willerstein''': Lizzy, we talked about the fire ants. You know that they have a tendency to bite people. :'''Lizzy''': ''[monotone]'' Only my enemies. :'''Mr. Willerstein''': Keep moving, shall we? Top-notch, Lizzy! Let's not anger her or make her jumpy in any way. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lewis''': ''[clears throat]'' Have you ever forgotten something, and no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't remember it? Well, what happens to these forgotten memories? I propose they're stored somewhere in your brain, and I built a machine that can retrieve them. I call it… the Memory Scanner! ''[pulls off the blanket, revealing his invention]'' :'''Dr. Krucklehorn''': It's shiny! :'''Mr. Willerstein''': So, Lewis, how does the Memory Scanner work? :'''Lewis''': (Simple.) First, you input the desired period of time on this keypad. Then, a laser scans the cerebral cortex where memories are stored. The retrieved memory is then displayed on this monitor. :'''Dr. Krucklehorn''': Wrap him up. I'll take two. :'''Lewis''': Now, I'm going back twelve years, three months and eleven days. ''[inputs the desired time period on the keypad]'' :'''Coach''': Why that particular day? You didn't think I was paying attention, did you? :'''Lewis''': Well, that was the day… Let's just say that was a very important day of my life. :'''Coach''': Fair enough. Play ball. :'''Lewis''': ''[starting up his invention]'' It'll just take a second to get the turbines going. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lewis''': Would you quit that, please? I know you're not a pigeon. :'''Wilbur''': ''[quickly covers Lewis' mouth]'' You're blowing my cover! :'''Lewis''': We're the only ones up here. :'''Wilbur''': That's just what they want you to think. Now, enough moping. Take this back to the science fair and fix that Memory Scanner. :'''Lewis''': Stop! Stop! Get away from me! :'''Wilbur''': Maybe you've forgotten, I'm a time cop from the future. It should be taken very seriously. :'''Lewis''': ''[swipes the "badge" out of Wilbur's hand]'' That's no badge. This is a coupon for a tanning salon! You're a fake. :'''Wilbur''': Okay, you got me. I'm not a cop, but I really am from the future, and there really is this Bowler Hat Guy! :'''Lewis''': ''[groans]'' Here we go again. :'''Wilbur''': He stole a time machine, came to the science fair, and ruined your project. :'''Lewis''': My project didn't work because I'm no good. There is no Bowler Hat Guy, there is no time machine, and you're not from the future! YOU'RE CRAZY! :'''Wilbur''': ''[exclaims]'' I am not crazy! :'''Lewis''': Oh, yeah, Captain Time Travel? Prove it. :'''Wilbur''': Uh… um… :'''Lewis''': Yeah, that's what I thought. I'm just gonna go lock myself in my room and hide under the covers for a couple years. :'''Wilbur''': ''[blocks his way when an idea pops into his head]'' If I prove to you that I'm from the future, will you go back to the science fair? :'''Lewis''': ''[sarcastically]'' Yeah, sure, whatever you say. ''[Wilbur takes it as a "yes" and pushes him to the edge of the roof]'' Hey, let go of me! What are you doing? Let go of me! :'''Wilbur''': Okay! ''[pushes Lewis off the roof]'' :'''Lewis''': ''[screaming; stops in midair; Wilbur presses a button, and a time machine appears]'' What is this? Where are we going? :'''Wilbur''': To the future! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wilbur''': ''[showing Lewis the amazing sights of the futuristic city as they time traveled to the future]'' (Well, what do you think?) Is this proof enough for you? :'''Lewis''': ''[amazed]'' Is it ever! I never thought that time travel could be possible in my lifetime, and (now) here it is, right in front of me! :'''Wilbur''': The truth will set you free, brother. :'''Lewis''': This is beyond anything I could've imagined. This means I could really change my life. :'''Wilbur''': That's right, you can. Next stop, science fair to fix your Memory Scanner. :'''Lewis''': ''[realizing]'' Hey, I'm not gonna fix that stupid Memory Scanner. :'''Wilbur''': ''[screeches the time machine to a stop, having to have heard that; shocked]'' WHAT?! :'''Lewis''': Wilbur, this is a time machine! Why should I fix my dumb invention when you can take me to see my mom now, in this ship? :'''Wilbur''': Uh... um... :'''Lewis''': I could actually go back to that night, and stop her from giving me up. :'''Wilbur''': The answer is not a time machine. ''[holds up the drawing of the Memory Scanner]'' It's this! :'''Lewis''': ''This?'' You want to know what I think about this? ''[rips up the drawing]'' :'''Wilbur''': What are you doing?! :'''Lewis''': ''[takes off his seatbelt and moves up to take the wheel]'' I'm sorry, Wilbur, but you don't know what I've lived through. :'''Wilbur''': Lewis, no! :''[The boys start fighting over the steering wheel]'' :'''Lewis''': Let go! :'''Wilbur''': You let go! :'''Lewis''': You're not the boss of me! :'''Wilbur''': Yes, I am! 'Cause you're 12 and I'm 13! That makes me older! :'''Lewis''': Well, I was born in the past, which makes ''me'' older and the boss of ''you! [accidentally rips off the steering wheel]'' :''[The time machine crashes into a building, damaging one of its wings; the boys scream while bracing for impact and they crash into a green hill outside the city]'' :'''Wilbur''': ''[holds up the steering wheel; horrified]'' I am ''so'' dead. ''[he and Lewis exit the destroyed time machine; worried that he's gonna be in so much trouble]'' I'm not allowed to look at this thing, let alone drive it! Mom and Dad are gonna kill me, and I can tell you this, it will not be done with mercy! :'''Lewis''': Isn't there, like, a time machine repair shop or something? :'''Wilbur''': No! There's only '''''two''''' time machines in existence, and the Bowler Hat Guy has the other one! :'''Lewis''': Well, ''somebody's'' gonna have to fix this. :'''Wilbur''': Good idea! ''[pulls him over to the broken time machine]'' You're smart. You fix it. :'''Lewis''': ''[baffled]'' Are you crazy?! I can't fix this thing. :'''Wilbur''': Yes, you can. You broke it. You fix it. :'''Lewis''': ''[thinks for a moment]'' Alright, under ''one'' condition. I fix it, ''you'' take me back to see my mom. :'''Wilbur''': What?! You didn't even follow through on our last deal! How can I trust you? :'''Lewis''': Well, ''you'' told me you were a time cop from the future. How can I trust ''you?'' :'''Wilbur''': ''[pauses]'' Touchè. :'''Lewis''': So, do we have a deal? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wilbur''': We'll sneak this thing into the garage. You'll have all the tools you need. :'''Lewis''': What about your parents? :'''Wilbur''': Mom never goes in there, and Dad's on a business trip until tomorrow morning. You've got till then to fix it. :'''Lewis''': Well, fine, but I'm gonna need some blueprints or something for this. :'''Wilbur''': No worries. I got someone who can help us with that. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wilbur''': ''[puts a fruit hat on Lewis' head after Carl the robot runs away]'' If my family finds out I brought you from the past, they'll bury me alive, and dance on my grave. I'm ''not'' exaggerating! Well... Yes, I am, but not the point! The point is, your hair's a dead giveaway! :'''Lewis''': ''[confused]'' Why would my hair be a dead giveaway? :'''Wilbur''': That is an excellent question! ''[runs off]'' :'''Lewis''': Wait, where are you going? :'''Wilbur''': Another excellent question! ''[runs under the travel tube and is sucked up]'' :'''Lewis''': But I don't just want to sit here. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Carl''': What do you mean, don't go to the family? How can we not go to the family in this time of family crisis? By leaving the garage door unlocked, you let the time machine get stolen, and now the entire time stream could be altered! That and someone took my bike. :'''Wilbur''': Look, I told you. It's gonna all work out. First, we keep Lewis in the garage away from everybody. I show up and give him the pep talk of the century. Then he fixes the time machine. :'''Carl''': Why is it an acorn? :'''Wilbur''': I didn't have time to sculpt everything. Okay, now, the time machine is fixed. His confidence in inventing is restored. He goes back to the science fair, fixes his Memory Scanner, thus restoring the space-time continuum. :'''Carl''': What about taking him back to see his mom? :'''Wilbur''': I just told him that to buy some time. :'''Carl''': Oh, yeah, can't see that one blowing up in your face. :'''Wilbur''': Trust me. I got it under control. Wilbur Robinson never fails. But on the slight chance that I do... :'''Carl''': "On the slight chance," yeah. You know what? I'll run the numbers. :'''Wilbur''': What is it? :'''Carl''': Well, it's not. It doesn't pertain to anything in. You know, there's not necessarily, there's a 99.999999% chance that you won't exist. :'''Wilbur''': What? :'''Carl''': And I didn't want to tell you, but I did. :'''Wilbur''': I won't exist? :'''Carl''': And where does that leave me? Alone, rusting in a corner. :'''Wilbur''': What am I worried about? Now, blueprints? :'''Carl''': If this thing ever blows over, I really gotta get away from you and get some quiet time. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grandpa Bud''': ''[cheerfully when Lewis runs and bumps into him from behind]'' Well, hey there, little fella! Now, I know what you're thinking, and my clothes are not on backwards. My head is! ''[laughing]'' Oh, I used to tell that one to my science students. They didn't laugh, either. Anywho, what's your name, fruit-head? :'''Lewis''': Well, Lewis, but... :'''Grandpa Bud''': Lewis, huh? Well, say, Lewis, you haven't seen any teeth around here, have you? :'''Lewis''': Teeth? :'''Grandpa Bud''': Yeah, my teeth. ''[Lewis exclaims in disgust]'' Been digging holes all day. Can't find them anywhere. :'''Lewis''': All right, look, old man, I need to get back to the garage. Wilbur left me down there, and I wasn't supposed to leave, and these monsters attacked me on the porch and... :'''Grandpa Bud''': Monsters? There's no monsters on the porch, you ninny. :'''Lewis''': Listen to me! :'''Grandpa Bud''': Of course, I also didn't think there was a woodchuck living on my arm, and lookie there! Hope he ain't got rabies. :'''Lewis''': Old man, I need to get to the garage! :'''Grandpa Bud''': Well, sure, I'll get you there in a jiffy. I know a shortcut! ''[they enter the living room instead]'' Welcome to the garage! Well, I'm completely lost. :'''Billie''': Hiya, Grandpa! :'''Grandpa Bud''': Hey, Aunt Billie. Lewis and I are looking for the garage. :'''Gaston''': We have a garage? :'''Grandpa Bud''': Apparently so. :'''Gaston''': Lewis, will you give me a hand and time my race? ''[gives Lewis a stopwatch]'' :'''Billie''': Okay, Gaston, my toy train's ready for ya! :''[A big toy train appears]'' :'''Lewis''': ''That's'' a toy train? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tallulah''': Laszlo, you stop painting my hat, or I'm telling Ma! :'''Laszlo''': Ah, lighten up, sis. :'''Tallulah''': Lasz, I mean it! :'''Fritz''': Children, please! Your mother is trying to take a nap. :'''Petunia''': What is all the yelling out here?! :'''Tallulah''': ''[in unison]'' He started it! :'''Laszlo''': ''[in unison]'' She started it! :'''Petunia''': I don't want to hear any more! :'''Fritz''': Now, sweetie… :'''Petunia''': ''[savagely slaps him in the face]'' Don't you "sweetie" me! I'm going for a drive. ''[the sound of a car roars away]'' :'''Grandpa Bud''': That's strange. She usually takes the Harley. :'''Wilbur''': ''[popping out of the bathroom toilet]'' Lewis?! :'''Grandpa Bud''': Ooh, I bet my wife, Lucille's baking cookies. ''[opens the door, revealing Lucille dancing on the dance floor]'' Bake them cookies, Lucille! :'''Lewis''': Why is your dog wearing glasses? :'''Grandpa Bud''': Oh, because his insurance won't pay for contacts. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grandpa Bud''': Hey, Lefty, any idea how to get to the garage? Well, that's true. We didn't ask her yet. :'''Lewis''': Who? :'''Grandpa Bud''': Wilbur's mom, Franny. I think you'll like her. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lewis''': Right. Well, glad I could help with the teeth, but, wow, look at the time. ''[runs away and bumps into Wilbur]'' :'''Wilbur''': Lewis, I told you to stay in the garage! :'''Lewis''': I did, but I went up the tube, and I ran into your family and I-- :'''Wilbur''': ''[panicked stammering]'' '''''You met my family?!''''' ''[grabs him by the ear and drags him away into a dark room, then turns on the light]'' Pop quiz. Who have you met, and what have you learned? :'''Lewis''': Okay. Bud, Fritz, and Joe are brothers. Fritz is married to Petunia, and is she…? ''[makes hand-puppet gesture]'' :'''Wilbur''': Cranky? Yes. :'''Lewis''': Tallulah and Lazslo are their children, Joe is married to Billie, Lefty is the butler, Spike and Dimitri are twins, and I don't know who they're related to. :'''Wilbur''': Neither do we. Go on. :'''Lewis''': Lucille is married to Bud, and your dad, Cornelius, is their son. ''[pause; curiously]'' What does Cornelius look like? :'''Wilbur''': ''[thinks for a moment]'' [[w:Tom Selleck|Tom Selleck]]. :'''Lewis''': ''[beat]'' Okay, Cornelius is married to Franny, and her brothers are Gaston and Art. :'''Wilbur''': You're forgetting something. :'''Lewis''': Forgetting-? Oh, right! Wilbur is the son of Franny and Cornelius. :'''Wilbur''': And nobody realized that you were from the past? :'''Lewis''': Nope. ''[Wilbur sighs with relief]'' Thank you, thank you! Hold your applause, thank you very much. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lewis''': ''[to Wilbur while fixing the time machine]'' I don't even know what I'm doing. :'''Wilbur''': ''[scrubs the hatch with a sponge]'' Keep moving forward. :'''Lewis''': I mean, this stuff is way too advanced for me. :'''Wilbur''': ''[fixes the top of his hair]'' Keep moving forward. :'''Lewis''': And what if I can't fix this, what are we gonna do? :'''Wilbur''': ''[checks his teeth]'' Keep moving forward. :'''Lewis''': Why do you keep saying that? And don't just say "keep moving forward". :'''Wilbur''': It's my dad's motto. :'''Lewis''': Why would his motto be "keep moving forward"? :'''Wilbur''': It's what he does. :'''Lewis''': What's that supposed to mean? :'''Wilbur''': That is an excellent question. Robinson Industries, the world's leading scientific research and design factory. My dad runs the company. They mass produce his inventions. His motto: "Keep moving forward". It's what he does. :'''Lewis''': What has he invented? :'''Wilbur''': Everything. Carl, the time machine, the travel tubes. :'''Lewis''': Your dad invented the time machine? :'''Wilbur''': Yep. Five years ago, Dad wakes up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. Wants to build a time machine. So, he starts working! We're talking plans, we're talking scale models, we're talking prototypes! ''[shows Lewis a small scrap of metal]'' :'''Lewis''': ''That's'' a prototype? :'''Wilbur''': The very first… Or, what's left of it. :'''Lewis''': Yikes. :'''Wilbur''': Yeah. Dark day at the Robinson house. Prototypes 2 and 3, not much better. Number 6, 58, 212, 485, 952, and they all end the same way. ''[holds up three signs of the word "Failure", a frowny face, and a toilet; shakes Lewis]'' But he doesn't give up! ''[pauses; looks at the fruit hat]'' Dude, I can't take you seriously in that hat. ''[Lewis is now wearing a cap]'' He keeps working and working until finally, he gets it. The first working time machine. Then, he keeps working and working until finally, he gets it again. The second working time machine. :'''Lewis''': Kind of small. :'''Wilbur''': I'm assuming that's a joke. I'm ignoring you for time reasons. This, my friend, is merely a model, because unfortunately, time machine #2… is in the hands of the Bowler Hat Guy. Pretty amazing story, huh? :'''Lewis''': Yeah. :'''Wilbur''': Now, are you ready to start working? :'''Lewis''': I think that's it. I did it! :'''Wilbur''': I knew you could. Nice work, my friend. ''[The time machine flies up, but falls, broken again]'' Well, you know what they say! "Keep moving…" :'''Lewis''': ''[angrily interrupting]'' DON'T SAY IT! ''[sighs]'' :'''Franny''': ''[on intercom] Boys, dinner time!'' :'''Wilbur''': Not now, Mom. :'''Franny''': ''If you aren't up here in five minutes, I'm gonna come down and get you.'' :''[The boys look at the broken time machine, fearing that Franny will come down and see it, and realize they can't let that happen]'' :'''Wilbur''': We'd better get up there. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Art''': Reminds me of the time my meatball pizza staved off civil war on the black moon of Keward. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gaston''': Where are you from, Lewis? :'''Lewis''': ''[awkwardly]'' Canada? :'''Tallulah''': I think you mean North Montana. Hasn't been called Canada in years. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gaston''': And so, it begins. Ready, aim... FIRE! ''[fires a meatball at Franny in the cheek]'' :'''Franny''': Ha. Surely that is not the best you can do. ''[sound doesn't match her lips]'' :'''Gaston''': Impressive, little sister. Your skills are strong, but not strong enough. :'''Franny''': Your words do not threaten me, brother. :'''Gaston''': Then enough words. Now the real battle begins. :'''Franny''': Your meatballs are useless against me. :'''Gaston''': Then perhaps it's time for spicy Italian sausage. :'''Franny''': ''[gasps]'' No! ''[After above scene]'' :'''Lewis''': Is dinner like this every night? :'''Art''': No. Yesterday we had meatloaf. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wilbur''': ''[notices Carl having trouble with the PB&J gun, just like the one Lewis had after an incident with the Harringtons while being interviewed for adoption]'' Just what the doctor ordered. ''[drags Lewis over]'' My friend Lewis is an inventor. He can fix it. :'''Lewis''': Wilbur, you know I can't. :'''Lucille''': Come on. Give it a try. :'''Art''': You don't understand what's at stake here. Uncle Joe's seen the toast! :'''Grandpa Bud''': We're past the point of no return! :'''Billie''': ''[comforting Uncle Joe as he's going under pressure]'' If he doesn't get PB&J… :'''Petunia''': We all pay! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': Ah, yes! You are now under my control! :'''Frankie''': I am now under your control. :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': ''[laughs; Frankie does monotone laughing]'' Stop laughing! :'''Frankie''': Stop laughing. :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': Don't repeat everything I say! :'''Frankie''': I won't repeat everything you say. :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': Excellent! :'''Frankie''': Excellent. :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': Uh, did you just say "excellent" because I said "excellent"?! :'''Frankie''': ''[lying]'' Uh, no. :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': Excellent! :'''Frankie''': Excellent. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': Did you not hear what I say you idiot?! Grab the boy and bring him! :'''Frankie''': Well, it's just that, there's a lot of people over there, and I have little arms. I'm just not so sure how well this plan was thought through. ''[Bowler Hat Guy is dumbfounded]'' Master? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': What's going on?! Why aren't you seizing the boy?! :'''Tyrannosaur''': ''[in dinosaur language]'' I have a big head and little arms. I'm just not so sure how well this plan was thought through. Master? :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': ''[dumbfounded once again]'' Ugh, stupid, stupid, stupid! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': Little Doris now sleeps with the fishies. ''[Doris takes the monitor out of his hands and angrily smacks him in the head with it]'' :'''Wilbur''': Nice catch. :'''Lewis''': Nice meatball shooting! Guess we made a pretty good team, huh? :'''Wilbur''': Yeah, guess we did. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lewis''': ''[after Wilbur knocks the hat off his head, revealing his hair and secret to the Robinson family]'' Okay, it's true. I'm from the past. Now you know the big secret. :'''Franny''': Wilbur, what have you done? How could you bring ''him '''here?!''''' :'''Wilbur''': That is an excellent question. :'''Lewis''': Please, don't get mad at Wilbur. He was just being a good friend. :'''Franny''': Lewis, I am so sorry, but you have to go. :'''Lewis''': ''[upset]'' What? You just said... :'''Franny''': I know what I said. :'''Lewis''': I'm from the past. So what? :'''Franny''': Lewis. Lewis, look at me. You're... You're a great kid, and we would never do anything to hurt you, but I'm sorry. You have to go back to your own time. :'''Wilbur''': Yeah, about that, um... one of the time machines is broken, and the other one was stolen by a guy with a bowler hat, which, uhh... kind of explains the dino. :''[The Robinsons all look at the Tyrannosaurus Rex]'' :'''Franny''': ''[disappointedly]'' I'm calling your father. ''[about to walk back inside]'' :'''Lewis''': Wait. If I have to leave, can I at least go back and find my mom? Wilbur promised. :'''Franny''': ''[annoyed]'' You promised what? :'''Wilbur''': I was never gonna do it. I swear. ''[gasps as covers his mouth with his right hand]'' :'''Lewis''': ''[shocked & hurt]'' You lied to me? :'''Wilbur''': ''[denies]'' No. ''[nervously smiles for a brief second, and admits, nodding his head]'' Yes. ''[Lewis grunts angrily over his betrayal and starts to storm off]'' Lewis! Lewis, wait! :'''Lewis''': ''[enraged]'' I can't believe I was dumb enough to actually believe you were my friend! ''[resumes running off in heartbreak]'' :'''Wilbur''': I am your friend! :'''Franny''': ''[sternly to Wilbur]'' Mister, you're grounded till you die. ''[walks back inside the house along with the other Robinsons]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': Oh, yes, Doris, it ''is'' a shame. All he wants to do is go back in time to meet the mother he never knew, but they won't let him. We'd let him, though. Too bad we don't have a time machine. Oh, wait, we do. :'''Lewis''': Bowler Hat Guy? :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': Hello, Lewis. :'''Lewis''': What do you want? :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': To make your dream come true. All you have to do is put Humpy Dumpty back together again, and we'll take you back to find your mommy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lewis''': Why are you doing this to me? I never did anything to you. :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': ''[amused]'' You ''still'' haven't figured it out! :'''Lewis''': Figured out what? :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': Let's see if this rings a bell. Father of the future, inventor extraordinaire, "Keep moving forward"? :'''Lewis''': That's not ''me'', that's Wilbur's dad. ''[Bowler Hat Guy stares at him expectantly. Lewis' eyes go wide in realization]'' Are you saying… ''I'm'' Wilbur's… Dad? :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': Oh, give the boy a prize! ''You'' grow up to be the founder of this wretched time. So, I plan to destroy your [[destiny]]! Easy-peasy, rice and cheesy! :'''Lewis''': ''[flabbergasted]'' Wait. So, if ''I'm'' Wilbur's dad... :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': Keep going. :'''Lewis''': Uh, if ''I'm'' Wilbur's dad... :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': ''[irritated]'' Yes, thank you, we've ''established'' that! :'''Lewis''': But... What does it have to do with you? :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': Ah-ha! Allow me to shed some light on the subject. ''[turns on the light, revealing their old room in the orphanage]'' :'''Lewis''': ''[gasps]'' My old room! :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': I think you mean OUR old room. :'''Lewis''': ''[confused]'' What? :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': ''[removes his cloak, revealing a too-small, filthy Little League Baseball uniform]'' Ah, yes! Yes, it is I, Mike Yagoobian! :'''Lewis''': ''[in disgust & horror]'' Ugh! :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': I know! I'm disgusting! But one learns to love it! :'''Lewis''': How'd you end up like this?! :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': Well, it's a long and pitiful story, about a young boy with a dream. a dream of winning a Little League championship. ''[flashback to a Little League baseball game; he is asleep in the outfield and fails to catch a ball; voice-over]'' A dream that was ruined in the last inning. We lost by one run because of me. :''[Goob is surrounded by furious baseball players, all preparing to beat him up]'' :'''Baseball player''': Get him! :''[Fade to him in the orphanage, angrily talking to some parents about his bad day]'' :'''Mike "Goob" Yagoobian''': ''[infuriated]'' If I hadn't fallen asleep, I would have caught the ball! And we would have won! Do you understand?! :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': ''[voice-over]'' For some reason, no one wanted to adopt me. :'''Reporter''': ''[over the radio]'' Whiz kid Cornelius Robinson graduates from college at age 14 - This year's Nobel Prize goes to a young Cornelius Robinson… :''[Goob walks down the school hallway, carrying his unicorn binder, and ignoring some students]'' :'''Student #1''': Hey, Goob, what's up? Cool binder. :'''Student #2''': Hey, Goob, want to come over to my house today? :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': ''[voice-over]'' They all hated me. Eventually, they closed down the orphanage and everyone left... except ''me''. :'''Reporter''': ''[on radio]'' Cornelius Robinson rebuilds Inventco - Robinson reaches out to - Cornelius Robinson - Cornelius Robinson is now - Now here's another amazing... :''[30 years later…]'' :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': ''[voice-over]'' It was then that I realized it ''wasn't'' my fault. It was ''yours!'' If you hadn't kept me up all night working on your stupid project, then I wouldn't have missed the catch. So, I devised a brilliant plan to get revenge. ''[throwing eggs at Robinson Industries]'' Robinson, you STINK! ''[voice-over]'' Then, just as I was on the brink of destroying Robinson Industries, I met…''her.'' ''[Doris appears, a cephalopod-like robotic bowler hat]'' We retreated to our villainous lair, where Doris spun a tale of deception and woe. Apparently, ''you'' invented her to be a helping hat, a slave to humankind. But Doris knew she was capable of so much more. ''[Doris takes control of the lab assistant]'' However, you didn't see her true potential. :'''Cornelius''': Got it! :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': So, you shut her down, or so you thought. ''[Doris breaks out of her cell]'' We both had a score to settle with you, and while my plan for revenge was brilliant, Doris' was… well, we went with Doris'. But I made a very, very important contribution. Together, we made the perfect team. ''[watches Wilbur entering the garage at the Robinson house through night-vision goggles]'' :'''Franny''': ''[off-screen]'' Wilbur, make sure you shut that door tight or else the alarm won't engage. :'''Wilbur''': Yeah, Mom. ''[leaves the garage, but forgot to lock the door]'' :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': I went to your house, snuck in the garage, and stole the time machine. All thanks to that pointy-haired little kid who forgot to lock the garage door. ''[laughs; end of flashback]'' And now all that's left is to return to Inventco, where I'll pass off your little gizmo as my own. :'''Lewis''': But you have no idea what that could do to this future! :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': I don't care! I just want to ruin your life! :'''Lewis''': Goob, I had no idea! :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': Shut up! And don't call me "Goob"! How many evil villains do you know who can pull off a name like "Goob"? Bleh! :'''Lewis''': Look, I'm sorry your life turned out so bad, but don't blame me, you messed it up yourself. You just focused on the bad stuff when all you had to do was... let go of the past... and keep moving forward. :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': Hmm, let's see... take [[responsibility]] for my own life or blame you? Dingdingdingdingding! Blame you wins hands down! ''[laughs evilly]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wilbur''': I bet you're glad to see me! ''[Lewis punches him in the arm]'' OW! :'''Lewis''': That's for not locking the garage door! :'''Wilbur''': Ah! ''[awkwardly]'' You know about that? :'''Lewis''': I know ''everything.'' :'''Wilbur''': You gotta admit, this'll be a ''great'' story to tell me someday. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': ''[as Doris brings the Memory Scanner back]'' Take a good look around, boys, because your future is about to '''''change.''' [heads to the past]'' :'''Wilbur''': Lewis, you ''have'' to fix the time machine! :'''Lewis''': No, no, I–I ''can't''! ''[In the past, Bowler Hat Guy/Future Goob has entered Inventco, chuckling evilly]'' What about your dad?! You could call him! :'''Wilbur''': You ''are'' my dad! :'''Lewis''': But that's in the future! :'''Wilbur''': There won't ''be'' a future, unless you fix the time machine! ''[In the past, Bowler Hat Guy/Future Goob is showing off the memory scanner]'' Look, I messed up. I left the garage unlocked and I've tried like crazy to fix things... But now it's up to ''you''. ''[In the past, Bowler Hat Guy/Future Goob is about to sign a contract]'' You can do it, Dad! ''[starts to vanish]'' Lewis? Lewis! ''[turns into a ball of light, flies over the Robinson yard and is sucked into the sky]'' :'''Lewis''': Wilbur? Wilbur! Wilbur. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lewis''': ''[as Doris reveals herself after watching a memory of her taking over the city from the Memory Scanner; horrified]'' No. No, this can't be happening! NO! :''[The Robinson family members appear, all under Doris' control]'' :'''Franny''': ''[under Doris' control]'' Oh, Lewis. It's already happened. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lewis''': Why did I ''ever'' invent that stupid hat?! ''[gets an idea]'' Take a good look around, Doris, 'cause your future's about to change. ''[time-travels to the past, where Bowler Hat Guy/Future Goob is signing a contract]'' Goob, stop! You don't know what you're doing! :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': ''[angrily]'' YES, I DO! I'm ruining your future! (After what you done me wrong!) :'''Lewis''': She's using you, Goob, and when she gets what she wants, she'll get rid of you. :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': What? What? :'''Lewis''': ''[facing Doris before she starts to attack him; bravely]'' I am '''''never''''' going to invent you. ''[Doris freezes, trembling, and disappears from existence]'' Come on, Goob. I've got to show you something. :''[Lewis and Bowler Hat Guy/Future Goob enter the future]'' :'''Bowler Hat Guy''': ''[hurt and understanding that Doris was using him; last words]'' Doris? I thought she was my friend. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wilbur''': You did it, Lewis, you did it! ''[sees Bowler Hat Guy/Future Goob, gasps, and attacks him]'' I'll hold him while you run for help. :'''Lewis''': ''[pries Wilbur off Bowler Hat Guy/Future Goob]'' Let him go! :'''Wilbur''': Wh-what are you doing? He's the bad guy! :'''Lewis''': No, he's not, he's my roommate. :'''Wilbur''': What? :'''Lewis''': ''[pulls Wilbur aside; quietly]'' He's my old roommate, and I really think you guys should adopt him. :'''Wilbur''': Are you nuts? :'''Lewis''': Give me a good reason why not. :'''Wilbur''': I'll give you three good reasons. He stole our time machine, tried to ruin your future, and he smells like he hasn't showered in 30 years! :'''Lewis''': ''[grabs Wilbur by the ear; whispering sternly]'' May I remind you, I'm your father, and you have to do what I say. :'''Wilbur''': Okay, Mr. Yagoobian, do you want to be a Robinson? ''[turns to see Future Goob has disappeared]'' Where'd he go? :'''Lewis''': Goob? ''[calling out]'' Goob! Goob. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cornelius''': ''[in the garage]'' Franny, they're gone! Oh, this is terrible! :'''Franny''': Oh, boy. :'''Grandpa Bud''': Well, he's home early. :'''Cornelius''': Franny, where are you?! ''[runs out]'' The time machines are ''gone''! ''[sees Lewis]'' Oh, oh! ''[Lewis waves awkwardly at his future self, who does the same thing, before looking questioningly at everyone else; Wilbur tries to sneak away, but Franny grabs him by the arm and points to him; unimpressed]'' Mm-hmm. :'''Wilbur''': ''[deadpan]'' Ratted out by the old lady. Harsh. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Carl''': Have a safe trip, little Lewis. :'''Lewis''': I will. :'''Carl''': Hey, while I got you here, just a couple of little suggestions regarding my design. ''[takes out picture of buff self]'' Let's face it, these skinny limbs don't exactly make the teapot whistle. All that really matters is, hey, don't forget to invent me. :'''Lewis''': Are you kidding? No way! :'''Carl''': I [[love]] you. :'''Lewis''': ''[to Bud and Lucille]'' There's so many things I wish I could ask you. :'''Wilbur''': Excuse me. Time travel now, questions later. :'''Lewis''': But I... :'''Lucille''': Don't worry. Just get back to that science fair, and we'll see you real soon. :'''Lewis''': Oh, right. Right, okay, I will. Bye! :'''Grandpa Bud''': Goodbye, son! :'''Lewis''': Thanks again for everything! :'''Franny''': Wait! Lewis, one more thing. :'''Lewis''': Yeah? :'''Franny''': Just a little tip for the future. I am always right. Even when I'm wrong, I'm right. :'''Cornelius''': She's right. I'd just go with it if I were you. And I am. :'''Lewis''': Then you're absolutely right. ''[Wilbur honks the horn]'' All right, I'm coming. :'''Wilbur''': Well, it's not like you're never gonna see them again. They are your family, after all. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Lewis and Wilbur time travel to the rainy night of the beginning events of the movie]'' :'''Lewis''': Wait a minute. You're supposed to take me back to the science fair. :'''Wilbur''': I know. :''[The time machine flies down in front of the orphanage and turns invisible]'' :'''Lewis''': Well, I think you punched in the wrong numbers. :'''Wilbur''': We agreed that, if you fixed the time machine, I'd take you back to see your mom. :'''Lewis''': What? ''[looks outside and sees his mother approaching the orphanage, carrying him as an infant in a box; mouths "Mom" inaudible]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Lewis and Wilbur return to the past after Lewis decided to let his mother go, realizing that he already has a family]'' :'''Wilbur''': I don't get it. Why'd you just let her go? :'''Lewis''': Because… I already have a family. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Lewis starts up the Memory Scanner and the monitor shows Lucille's memory of her getting married with a younger version of Grandpa Bud]'' :'''Lewis''': Bud? :'''Bud''': ''[appearing out of nowhere; amazed]'' Would you look at that? :'''Lucille''': Oh, honey! Honey, you're just in time! :'''Lewis''': Lucille! :'''Mr. Willerstein''': You did it, Lewis! You did it! This invention is brilliant! :'''Coach''': Kid, you're this fair's MVP! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Reporter''': Over here? There he is. Kid, we'd like to get a story on you for the local paper. ''[shakes hands with Lewis]'' You've got a bright future ahead of you. :'''Lewis''': ''[looks at Lucille, Bud, and Young Franny; smiling dreamily]'' Yeah. :''[At the orphanage… Lewis packs up his trunk as he's being adopted by Bud and Lucille, says goodbye to Goob while he's being interviewed by a couple wanting to adopt him and talking about winning the Little League championship; Outside, he and Mildred hug, gets in Bud and Lucille's car, then waves farewell to Mildred as they drive off, who then waves at him in return]'' == Cast == * Daniel Hansen and Jordan Fry – Lewis * Wesley Singerman – Wilbur Robinson * Stephen John Anderson – Bowler Hat Guy/Future Goob, Grandpa Bud, Tallulah * Nicole Sullivan – Franny Robinson **Jessie Flower – Young Franny * Matthew Josten – Mike Yagoobian * Angela Bassett – Mildred Duffy * Laura Metcalf – Grandma Lucille/Dr. Krucklehorn * Harland Williams – Carl * Ethan Sandler – Doris, CEO, Spike, Dimitri, Laszlo, Fritz, Petunia * Kellie M. Hoover – Aunt Billie * Don Hall – Gaston, Coach * Adam West – Uncle Art * Aurian Redson – Frankie the frog * Nathan Greno – Lefty the octopus * [[w:Tom Kenny|Tom Kenny]] – Mr. Willerstein * [[w:Tom Selleck|Tom Selleck]] – Cornelius * Paul Butcher – Stanley * Tracey Miller-Zarneke – Lizzy == About Meet the Robinsons == * <p>So we had some different challenges: we had skin texture we had to work out, we had to grow hair off of characters' heads and we had to find an animation style that was still fun and loose and had some caricature to it, but could portray humans in a believable way. The Incredibles was a definite inspiration for this. It was eye-popping to me, and certainly part of my education in 3D and how to do character animation with all of its subtleties.</p><p>One really interesting technique that we used is occlusion. It creates shadows based on the proximity of one object to another. It's a way to avoid that glowy feel that computer animation has or the way mouths look like they're illuminated from inside. Occlusion, because it's a closed space in there, will darken that mouth immediately. Then when we add our texture and lighting on top of that, you have a bit more real look to the images you're creating. It's that extra layer of believability that computer animation is so great at.</p> **[[w:Stephen J. Anderson|Steve Anderson]] [http://www.awn.com/animationworld/meet-robinsons-keep-moving-forward-disney 'Meet The Robinsons': Keep Moving Forward at Disney], ''Animation World Network'', 30 March 2007 * You could see it in the animation of 2008's Bolt, the first film Lasseter and Catmull touched: The characters were more visually appealing, more believable, funnier than the characters in Disney's previous film, Meet the Robinsons. And crucially, the acting was more nuanced: The characters didn't feel like caricatures. :* Caitlin Roper, Wired [Roper, Caitlin (October 21, 2014). "Big Hero 6 Proves It: Pixar's Gurus Have Brought the Magic Back to Disney Animation". Wired. Condé Nast.] ==See Also== Random ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{Authority control}} {{Walt Disney Animation Studios}} [[Category:2007 computer-animated films]] [[Category:2007 American animated films]] [[Category:American computer-animated films]] [[Category:American 3D animated films]] [[Category:American children's animated comic science fiction films]] [[Category:Animated films about time travel]] [[Category:Animated films about revenge]] [[Category:Animated films about orphans]] [[Category:Animated films based on children's books]] hhi9ucyz8f30pr81mcm5575k1obd0o7 0 57564 3778698 3456311 2025-07-14T13:54:35Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Comedians]]; added [[Category:Comedians from the United States]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778698 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Jackie Moms Mabley 1968.JPG|thumb|Moms Mabley in 1968]] '''[[w:Moms Mabley|Jackie "Moms" Mabley]]''' (March 19, 1894 – May 23, 1975) was an African American [[w:comedian|comedienne]]. {{people-stub}} == Quotes == * They say you shouldn't say nothin' about the dead unless it's good. He's dead. Good! ** {{cite book |url=http://books.google.com/books?id=4gLQlHab4NsC&pg=PA312&lpg=PA312&dq=%22They+say+you+shouldn't+say+nothin'+about+the+dead+unless+it's+good.+He's+dead.+Good!%22&source=bl&ots=vc8aIflDYJ&sig=uoSv1BYEAN6E6EWcWCWxZEnbOLg&hl=en&sa=X&ei=lIWCUpmQPNGpsATX-IHQBQ&ved=0CCoQ6AEwAQ |title=1,001 Insults, Put-Downs, and Comebacks |last=Price |first=Steven |year=2007 |publisher=Globe Pequot |page=312}} * Ain’t nothing an old man can do for me but bring me a message from a young one. ** {{cite news |title='Whoopi Goldberg Presents Moms Mabley' celebrates the groundbreaking African-American comedian |newspaper=New York Daily News |url=http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/tv-movies/whoopi-goldberg-presents-moms-mabley-tv-review-article-1.1518719 |last=Hinckley |first=David |date=November 17, 2013 |accessdate=December 2, 2013}} ==Quotes about Mabley== *The tap dancers and the be-bop musicians influenced the pitch and pace of my work. And along with the Chitlin' Circuit women, including women like Jackie "Moms" Mabley, they made me very curious about the national and international black community. You see, these were women who traveled a lot, and they would bring back information from all over the country and all over the world. **1987 interview in ''Conversations with [[Toni Cade Bambara]]'' edited by Thabiti Lewis (2017) == External links == *{{wikipedia-inline}} *{{Commonscat-inline}} *{{IMDb name|0531098}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Mabley, Jackie "Moms"}} [[Category:Comedians from the United States]] [[Category:1975 deaths]] [[Category:African Americans]] [[Category:People from North Carolina]] [[Category:LGBT people]] mg1fzquj1hbqlsdtq618gmccqpayy94 0 59033 3778492 3460060 2025-07-14T12:24:28Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Architects]]; added [[Category:Architects from Russia]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778492 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:El lissitzky self portrait 1914.jpg|thumb|right|photo of El Lissitzky, 1914 - self-portrait]] '''[[w:El Lissitzky|Lazar Markovich Lissitzky]]''' [Лазарь Маркович Лисицкий] ([[November 23]], [[1890]] – [[December 30]], [[1941]]), more famous as '''El Lissitzky''' [Эль Лисицкий], was a Russian artist, designer, photographer, teacher, typographer, and architect. He was an active protagonist of Russian [[Constructivism (art)|Constructivism]]. == Quotes == :<small>'''sorted chronologically, by date of El Lissitzky's quotes'''</small> [[File:Viciebsk, Pieskavacik, Trajeckaja. Віцебск, Пескавацік, Траецкая (E. Lisicki, 1910).jpg|thumb|right|El Lissitzky, 1910: 'Trinity Church of Vitebsk', pencil, chalk and gouache on paper mounted on cardboard; current location: [[w:Van Abbemuseum|Van Abbemuseum]] Eindhoven, The Netherlands]] [[File:El Lissitzky 1912 Man.jpg|thumb|right|El Lissitzky, 1912: 'Portrait of a Man'; current location: [[w:Stedelijk Museum Amsterdam|Stedelijk Museum]], Amsterdam]] [[File:El Lissitzky 1914 D'Annunzio, La Nave.jpg|thumb|right|El Lissitzky, 1914: design for [[w:Gabriele D'Annunzio|Gabriele D'Annunzio]]: 'La Nave'; current location: [[w:Stedelijk Museum Amsterdam|Stedelijk Museum]], Amsterdam]] [[File:Solntse na izlete 1916.jpg|thumb|right|El Lissitzky, 1916: 'Solntse na izlete. Vtoraia kniga stikhov, 1913-1916', Cover with letterpress illustration; current location: [[w:Museum of Modern Art|Museum of Modern Art]], Drawings and Prints]] [[File:Lithograph by El Lissitzky 1919.jpg|thumb|right|El Lissitzky, 1919: '[[w:Beat the Whites with the Red Wedge|Beat the Whites with the Red Wedge - lithographic Soviet propaganda poster]]; Wikipedia: 'the Bolsheviks [in Red], who are penetrating and defeating their opponents, the White movement, during the Russian Civil War]] [[File:Chad Gadya-02.jpg|thumb|right|El Lissitzky, 1919: his illustration 'Gekauft der fater..' - part of the series Chad Gadda; page 2 of the Jewish children-book 'Had gadya / One goat', lithograph print; current location: Kunstmuseum Moritzburg Halle (Saale)]] [[File:NY Moma lissitsky 19D.JPG|thumb|right|El Lissitzky, 1920: 'Proun 19D', made of gesso, oil and varnish, crayon, colored papers, sandpaper, graph paper, cardboard, metallic paint, metal foil on plywood; current location: [[w:Museum of Modern Art|Museum of Modern Art, New York City]]; - quote of El Lissitzky, 1920:'' 'We have named PROUN [the art, stepping over from painting to architecture] a station on the path to the construction of the new form.. .From being a simple depicter the artist becomes a creator (builder) of forms for a new world' '']] [[File:El Lissitzky, Lenin Tribune, 1920. State Tretyakov Gallery, Moscow.jpg|thumb|right|El Lissitzky, 1920: 'Lenin Tribune', sketch; current location: [[w:Tretyakov Gallery|Tretyakov Gallery]], Moscow]] [[File:Part of the Show Machinery (Lissitzky).jpg|thumb|right|El Lissitzky, 1920-21: 'Part of the Show Machinery' (from the map: 'Victory over the sun'), lithograph on paper; current location: [[w:Museum of Modern Art|Museum of Modern Art]], New York City]] [[File:ElLissitsky-Suprem-08.jpg|thumb|right|El Lissitzky, 1922: 'About 2 Squares', from the children's book 'Suprematicheskii Skaz'; - quote by El Lissitzky, 1923:'' 'New space neither needs nor demands pictures - it is not a picture transposed on a surface' '']] [[File:El Lissitzky Proun 1924.jpg|thumb|right|El Lissitzky, 1924: 'Proun', watercolor-painting and pencil on paper; current location: M.T. Abraham Center; - quote of El Lissitzky, 1925:'' 'Proun' is the the Step-over from the art of painting to Architecture' '']] [[File:1924. Merz Magazine Layout by El Lissitzky.jpg|thumb|right|El Lissitzky, 1924: lay-out of title-page of the magazine 'Merz, Issue 8/9 1924' (published by [[Kurt Schwitters]]; current location: [[w:Berlinische Galerie|Berlinische Galerie]], Berlin]] [[File:Photomontage of the Wolkenbugel by El Lissitzky 1925.jpg|thumb|right|El Lissitzky, 1925: 'Wolkenbügel / Cloud-irons', photo-montage of a horizontal skyscraper-building]] [[File:Hamburg Docks (Lissitzky, 1926).jpg|thumb|right|El Lissitzky, 1926: photo 'Hamburg Docks', gelatin silver print; current location: [[w:J. Paul Getty Museum|J. Paul Getty Museum]], California; - quote from a letter to his wife, 1926:'' 'Then I can see that I'm with you [in Dresden] at the end of April.. .I'll also paint with you the few works which are desired of me, if you'll help me - because I have already "forgotten how to paint"' '']] [[File:El Lissitsky 1928 foldout.jpg|thumb|right|El Lissitzky, April 1928: large photo-collage foldout, for the 1928 Press Expo in Cologne; - quote of Lissitzky, 1941: '' 'In 1928 I designed a photo-montage frieze of 24 by 3.5 m, for our 'Pressa' pavilion. It became the example par excellence for all larger-than-life montages' '']] [[File:Artwork by El Lissitzky c1930.jpg|thumb|right|El Lissitzky, 1929: poster-design for 'Russian Exhibition, Zurich, 1929'; (note: the boy and girl share one eye)]] [[File:EL-LISSITZKY-4.JPG|thumb|right|El Lissitzky, 1928-32: 'The print shop OGONYOK', Lissitzky's sole tangible work of architecture: [[w:Printing plant of Ogonyok magazine|Printing plant of Ogonyok magazine]], in Moscow]] [[File:Everything for the Front, USSR WWII propaganda poster.jpg|thumb|right|El Lissitzky, 1941: 'Everything for the Front. Everything for Victory', USSR propaganda poster in World War 2.; - later quote of his wife [[w:Sophie Küppers|Sophie Küppers]], 1968:'' 'There were tasks of a special kind awaiting him. He was needed in his homeland; the Soviet Union needed all his knowledge, his experience, his art.' '']] === 1915 - 1925 === * For us [the young artists in Vitebsk, before 1920] [[Suprematism]] did not signify the recognition of an absolute form which was part of an already completed universal system, on the contrary; here stood revealed for the first time in all its purity the clear sign and plan for a definite new world never before experienced - a world which issues forth from our inner being and which is only now in the first stages of its formation, for this reason the square [ [[Kazimir Malevich|Malevich's]] [[w:Black Square (painting)|Black]] and [[w:Red Square (painting)|Red Square]] ] of suprematism became a beacon. ** Quote from Lissitzky's essay of 1920, 'Suprematism in World Reconstruction'; as quoted by [[w:Sophie Küppers|Sophie Lissitzky-Küppers]], in ''El Lissitzky: Life, Letters, Texts'', trans. Helene Aldwinckle and Mary Whittall (Greenwich, Conn.: New York Graphic Society, 1968), p. 327 * ..into this chaos [after the Bolshevik' revolution] came [[Suprematism|suprematism]] extolling the [[w:Black Square (painting)|square]] [referring to the Squares of Malevich] as the very source of all creative expression, and then came communism and extolled work as the true source of man's heartbeat. ** Quote, 1920; in 'Suprematism in World Reconstruction,', El Lissitzky; as cited by [[w:Sophie Küppers|Sophie Lissitzky-Küppers]] in ''El Lissitzky: Life, Letters, Texts'', transl. Helene Aldwinckle and Mary Whittall (Greenwich, Conn.: New York Graphic Society, 1968), p. 327 * Construct yourselves. ** Quote of Lissitzky 1922, in 'Suprematicheskii skaz pro dva kvadrata' (A Suprematist Tale about Two Squares); as quoted by Vasilii Rakitin, in ''The great Utopia - The Russian and Soviet Avant-Garde, 1915-1932''(transl. Todd Bludeau); Guggenheim Museum, New York, 1992, p. 28 * New space neither needs nor demands pictures - it is not a picture transposed on a surface. This explains the painters' hostility towards us [a. o.: [[w:Kazimir Malevich|Malevich]] ]: we are destroying the wall as the resting place for their pictures. ** critical quote of Lissitzky c. 1923, in ''Proun Space - in An Architecture for World Revolution'', El Lissitzky; translation Eric Dluhosch; Lund Humphries, London: 1970, p. 138 * We have had enough perpetually hearing MACHINE MACHINE MACHINE MACHINE. In the repetition of the word MACHINE, we read the modern artist's ambivalent relationship to mechanical reproduction: on the one hand, the rigorous linear order and uniform application of ink presented by the thrice-repeated type written line celebrates sterility; and on the other hand the content of the sentence itself bemoans the transformation of the industrial paradigm into an aesthetic cliché. ** statement of Lissitzky, 1924; as quoted by Paul Galvez, in 'Self-Portrait of the Artist as a Monkey-Hand October', Vol. 93, (Summer, 2000), published by The MIT Press, pp. 109-137 * '''Proun''' is the the Step-over from the art of painting to Architecture [original text in German:] (Umsteige-station von Malerei nach Architectur). ** quote, 1925: in '[[w:Kunstismen|Kunstismen]]' ('Artisms', art magazine published by Lissitzky and [[Jean Arp|Hans Arp, 1925]]); as quoted in: ''Richtingen in de Hedendaagsche schilderkunst'' (''Trends in the Present Day Art of Painting''), [[w:Jacob Bendien|Jacob Bendien]]; W.L & J. Brusse N.V. Rotterdam, 1935 (transl: Anne Porcelijn), p. 99 * The term A[rt] resembles a chemist's graduated glass. Each age contributes its own quantity: for example, 5 grams of the perfume 'Coty' to tickle the nostrils of the fine gentry. Or another example, 10 cc of sulfuric acid to be thrown into the face of the ruling classes. Or, 15 cc: of some kind of metallic solution that later changes into a new source of light.. ..[as Lissitzky goes on to say] This A[rt] is an invention of the mind, i.e. a complex, where rationality is fused with imagination. ** Quote of El Lissitzky, 1925, from his text: 'A. and Pangeometry', in ''Architecture for World Revolution''; trans. Paul Filotas et al. (London: Thames and Hudson, 1988) p. 17 ==== 'Theses on the 'PROUN': from painting to architecture' (1920) ==== :<small>'''Quotes from: 'Theses on the PROUN: From painting to architecture' El Lissitzky, (Vitebsk — Moscow, 1920); as cited on [http://thecharnelhouse.org/2013/09/16/proun the charnel house, 2013]'''</small> * We have named PROUN [the art, stepping over from painting to architecture] a station on the path to the construction of the new form.. .From being a simple depicter the artist becomes a creator (builder) of forms for a new world — the world of objectivity. This does not mean the creation of a rivalry with the engineer. Art has not yet crossed paths with science. * PROUN is understood as the creative construction of form (based on the mastery of space) assisted by economic construction of the applied material. The goal of PROUN is progressive movement on the way to concrete creation, and not the substantiation, explanation, or promotion of life. * The path of the PROUN does not lie within the narrowly limited, fragmented, and isolated scientific disciplines — the builder consolidates them all together in his own experimental investigation. The path of the PROUN is not the incoherent approach of separate scientific disciplines, theories, and systems, but is rather the straightforward path of learned influence over reality. * We analyzed the first stage of our construction, confined to two-dimensional space, and found it to be as durable and resistant as the earth itself. We build in this space just as we would on the ground, and therefore must take as our point of departure the concepts of gravity and force of attraction, as the foundation of everything built on the land. In PROUN the reciprocity of the effects of gravity [Newton, 'for every action an equal and opposite reaction'] manifests itself in a new capacity. We see that on the surface (plane) of the picture, the PROUN ceases to exist as such and becomes a building surveyed from every direction — considered from above or examined from below. The result of this turns out to be the destruction of the single axis that leads to the horizon. * PROUN alters the conventional forms of the arts and leaves behind the image of the petty individualist, who locked himself in his office and hid seated before a drawing easel, starting one picture and finishing another. : The future life — this is the reinforced concrete slab for the communist foundation of the nations of the entire world. With the aid of the PROUN one can build a unified city-commune on that foundation, intended for the life of all mankind. ==== 'Suprematism' in World Reconstruction (1920) ==== :<small>'''Quotes from: 'Suprematism in World Reconstruction', Lazar M. Lisitsky, 1920; as cited in ''Russian Art of the Avant-Garde: Theory and Criticism 1902-1934'', ed. John E. Bowlt, Viking Press, 1976 p. 151 – 158'''</small> :(despite its title, this text acted as a retrospective commentary on [[Kazimir Malevich|Malevich]]'s original formulation of [[Suprematism]] and advances a far wider concept - Lissitsky later called [[Constructivism (art)|'constructive']] method) * At present we are living through an unusual period in time a new cosmic creation has become reality in the world, a creativity within ourselves which pervades our consciousness.. ..in this way the artist became the foundation on which progress in the reconstruction of life could advance beyond the frontiers of the all-seeing eye and the all-hearing ear. Thus a picture was no longer an anecdote nor a lyric poem nor a lecture on morality nor a feast for the eye but a sign and symbol of this new conception of the world which comes from within us. * The pace of life has increased in the last few decades just as the speed of the motor bicycle has been exceeded many times over by the aeroplane. After art passed through a whole series of intermediate stages it reached [[Cubism|cubism]] where for the first time the creative urge to construct instinctively overcame conscious resolve.. ..from this point the picture started to gain stature as a new world of reality and in this way the foundation stone for a new representation of the shapes and forms of the material world was laid. * It proved to be essential to clear the site for the new building. This idea was a forerunner of [[Futurism|futurism]] which exposed the relentless nature of its motivating power. Revolutions had started undercover, everything grew more complicated. Painting economical in its creative output was still very complicated and uneconomical in its expression. [[Cubism|cubism]] and [[Futurism|futurism]] seized upon the purity of form treatment and colour and built a complicated and extensive system with them combining them without any regard for harmony. The rebuilding of life cast aside the old concept of nations classes patriotism and imperialism which had been completely discredited. * And amid the thunderous roar of a world in collision WE, ON THE LAST STAGE OF THE PATH TO [[Suprematism|SUPREMATISM]] BLASTED ASIDE THE OLD WORK OF ART LIKE A BEING OF FLESH AND BLOOD AND TURNED IT INTO A WORLD FLOATING IN SPACE. WE CARRIED BOTH PICTURE AND VIEWER OUT BEYOND THE CONFINES OF THIS SPHERE AND IN ORDER TO COMPREHEND IT FULLY THE VIEWER MUST CIRCLE LIKE A PLANET ROUND THE PICTURE WHICH REMAINS IMMOBILE IN THE CENTER. The empty phrase 'art for art's sake' had already been wiped out. * This dynamic architecture provides us with the new theater of life and because we are capable of grasping the idea of a whole town at any moment with any plan the task of architecture - the rhythmic arrangement of space and time - is perfectly and simply fulfilled for the new town will not be as chaotically laid out as the modern towns of north and south America but clearly and logically like a beehive.. * This is the way in which the artist has set about the construction of the world - an activity which affects every human being and carries work beyond the frontiers of comprehension. We see how its creative path took it by way of [[Cubism|cubism]] to pure construction, but there was still no outlet to be found here. * The short step then required to complete the stride consists in recognition of the fact that a ''contre-relief'' is an architectonic structure, but the slightest deviation from the plumb-line of economy leads into a blind alley. The same fate must also overtake the architecture of cubist ''contre-relief''.. .By taking these elements FROM THEM for itself it wants to become equally entitled to take its place alongside them as a new creation. The reference is to the narrow technical discoveries for example the submarine, the aeroplane, the motors and dynamos of every kind of motive power in each part of a battle-ship. ''Contre-relief'' is instinctively aware of their legitimate origin their economy of form and their realism of treatment. * [[Cubism]] demonstrated in its constructions its modernity in relation to scale, but in painting and ''contre-relief'' we have in front of us an absolute scale which is this - forms in their natural size in the ratio 1 : 1. If however we wish to transform the ''contre-relief'' into an architectural structure and therefore enlarge it by one hundred times, then the scale ceases to be absolute and becomes relative in the ratio of 1 : 100. Then we get the American statue of liberty in whose head there is room for four men and from whose hand the light streams out. * We must take note of the fact that the artist nowadays is occupied with painting flags, posters, pots and pans textiles and things like that. What is referred to as 'artistic work' has on the vast majority of occasions nothing whatever to do with creative effort: and the term 'artistic work' is used in order to demonstrate the 'sacredness' of the work which the artist does at his easel. The conception of 'artistic work' presupposes a distinction between useful and useless work and as there are only a few artists buyers can be found even for their useless products. The artist's work lies beyond the boundaries of the useful and the useless. * Therefore THE IDEA OF 'ARTISTIC WORK' MUST BE ABOLISHED AS A COUNTER-REVOLUTIONARY CONCEPT OF WHAT IS CREATIVE and work must be accepted as one of the functions of the living human organism in the same way as the beating of the heart or the activity of the nerve centers, so that it will be afforded the same protection. * This is the model we await from [[Kazimir Malevich|Kasimir Malevich]]. AFTER THE OLD TESTAMENT THERE CAME THE NEW AFTER THE NEW THE COMMUNIST AND AFTER THE COMMUNIST THERE FOLLOWS FINALLY THE TESTAMENT OF SUPREMATISM. [But in this text postponed in a far wider concept than Malevich meant his [[Suprematism]] ] === 1926 - 1941 === * Then I can see that I'm with you [in Dresden] at the end of April - beginning of May. Then I'll also paint with you the few works which are desired of me, if you'll help me - because I have already ''forgotten how to paint''. ** Quote in a letter to his wife [[w:Sophie Küppers|Sophie Küppers]] (February 1926):' (letter 8-2-1926, Lissitzky-Küppers), Archive van Abbemuseum, Eindhoven, 1990 * In contrast to the old monumental art [the book] itself goes to the people, and does not stand like a cathedral in one place waiting for someone to approach.. ..[The book is the] monument of the future. (c. 1930) ** Wikipedia: ''El Lissitzky'', note [2] ==== 'Rußland: Die Rekonstruktion der Architektur in der Sowjetunion' (1929) ==== :<small>'''Quotes from: 'Rußland: Die Rekonstruktion der Architektur in der Sowjetunion', Moscow 1929, in: 'Interrelationships Between the Art, in: An Architecture for World Revolution', transl. Eric Dluhosch - MIT Press. Cambridge, MA: 1970'''</small> * Painting.. ..turned to the design of purely abstract volumetric forms.. .Since the leading exponent of the color theory was a ''painter'' ([[Kazimir Malevich|Malevich]]), he failed to recognize the objective reality of the world [in architecture!]. Because he always looked at it only through his own eyes, he remained trapped in a world devoid of real objects. The broader implications of this had to be developed by us, the architects. ** Quote from: 'Basic Premises' * The second conception of the world via the ''medium of matter'' required both a visual and a tactile perception of things. In this case the whole design process tends to emanate from the specific characteristics of the respective medium used. The leader of this movement ([[w:Vladimir Tatlin|Tatlin]]) assumed.. ..that the intuitive and artistic mastery of materials would lead to inventions on the basis of which objects could be constructed. He believed he could prove this theory with his design for the [[w:Tatlin's Tower|'Monument to the Third International']] (1920), [never built]. He accomplished this task without having any special technical knowledge of construction. ** Quote from: 'Basic Premises' * In America the architect has a direct and continuing relationship with technology. Perhaps this is why he does not ask more from technology than it can offer. In our country [Russia] it is still impossible to have such urban complexes as are found in Paris, Chicago, or Berlin. It is through technology that we can build a bridge to all the most recent achievements, which is what made it possible for our country to pass directly from the hoe to the tractor without having to travel the long path of historical development. That is why we want to introduce the most modern methods of building and construction into our country — and why we see the works and designs of both the 'formalists' and the 'constructivists' as a radical experiment in the manipulation of construction. ** Quote from: 'Basic Premises' * One of our [his] utopian ideas is the desire to overcome the limitations of the substructure, of the earthbound. We have developed this idea in a series of proposals (sky-hooks, [like Lissitzky's paper-architecture design [https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/f/ff/Photomontage_of_the_Wolkenbugel_by_El_Lissitzky_1925.jpg 'Wolkenbügel'] (1924)] stadium grandstands, Paris garage].. .It is the task of technology to make sure that all these elementary volumes that produce new relationships and tensions in space will be structurally safe.. .The idea of the conquest of the substructure, the earthbound, can be extended even further and calls for the conquest of gravity as such. It demands floating structures, a physical-dynamic architecture. ** Quote from: 'Basic Premises' * In the future it will be necessary on the one hand to establish a balance between the intimate and individualistic demands for housing, and on the other to take full account of general social conditions. Thus, for example, cooking should be transferred from the private single kitchen into the communal cooking laboratory; the main meal should be consumed in public eating establishments; and the rearing of children should become the responsibility of the kindergarten or the school.. .Presently our goal is the transition from housing as an agglomeration of many private dwellings to housing communes. ** Quote from: 'Communal Housing' * What we demand from the Soviet architect is that, as an artist and because of his perceptive intellect, he will fully comprehend and amplify the faintest ripple of developing energies much sooner than the masses — who tend to be shortsighted as far as their own growth is concerned — and that he will transform this energy into tangible architectural form.. .The club's role is to become a University of Culture. If one accepts the premise that private dwellings should strive to operate on the basis of the greatest possible austerity, then by contrast, public dwellings should provide the maximum of available luxury accessible to all. The term 'reconstruction' is therefore not applicable to this case, since there is no building precedent in the past. ** Quote from: 'The Club as a social force' * It has become obvious to the new architect that by virtue of his work he is taking an active part in the building of a new world. For us the work of an artist has no value 'as such'; it does not represent an end in itself; it has no intrinsic beauty. The value of a work of art is determined by its relationship to the community.. .The artist, or the creative worker, invents nothing; there is no such thing as divine inspiration. Thus we understand by the term 'reconstruction' the conquest of the unresolved, of the 'mysterious,' and the chaotic. In our [Russian] architecture, as in our entire life, we are striving to create a social order, i.e., to raise the instinctive to a conscious level. ** Quote from: 'Ideological Superstructure' * Let us summarize these three points more concisely: :(a) The rejection of art as a mere emotional, individualistic, and romantic affair. :(b) 'Objective' work, undertaken with the silent hope that the end product will nevertheless eventually be regarded as a work of art. :(c) Consciously goal-directed work in architecture, which will have a concise artistic effect on the basis of well-preparated objective-scientific criteria. : Such an architecture will actively raise the general standard of living. This represents the dialectic of our development process, which purports to arrive at the affirmative by negation — a process similar to melting down old iron and forging it into new steel. ** Quotes from: 'Ideological Superstructure' ==== 'Autobiography of the artist' (1941) ==== :<small>'''Quotes from: 'Autobiography of the artist', by Lazar Markovič Lissitzky, 1941; as cited in 'El Lissitzky', ed. Henk Puts - A Catalogue of his Work, in the [[w:Van Abbemuseum|Stedelijk Van Abbe Museum]], Eindhoven; the Lissitzky-archives in the Van Abbe Museum, 1991'''</small> * I was born on 23 November 1890 in a village in the province of Smolensk. Grew up in Smolensk, in the home of my grandfather, a cap-maker. Completed secondary school there. At the age of 15 I started earning money by giving drawing lessons. Passed the entrance examination of the art academy in Leningrad but, being a Jew, was not admitted due to the restricted percentage. * [I] Went to Germany to study there and graduated from the architecture faculty in Darmstadt in 1914. I studied art during my trips through Europe; went to Paris. In the summer of 1912 I traveled more than 1200 km in Italy on foot, learning and drawing. In 1912 my works were accepted for the first time at the large exhibition in Petersburg. From 1915 in I lived in Moscow, exhibiting each year. * From the beginning of the [Sovjet] Revolution I was a member of the Committee for Art. Was commissioned for the first Soviet flag for the First of May 1918, which was carried across Red Square by members of the government. Later I worked at 'Izo Narkomprosa'. From 1919 I taught at the Higher Artists' Workshops in Vitebsk (our students [[Nikolai Suetin|Suetin]], Judin and others). ** [the 'Vitebsk Higher Institute of Art'; - Lissitsky and [[Kazimir Malevich]] were invited to teach art by the director then [[Marc Chagall]] ] * During my stay in Germany in 1922 I collaborated with the writer [[w:Ilya Ehrenburg|Ehrenburg]], on the Magazine 'Veshch' (Gegenstand) [= Object] (first pro-Soviet edition). [I] Took part in organizing the First Russian Art Exhibition 1922-23 in Berlin and Amsterdam. My works were purchased by European and American collectors and museums. The museum in New York acquired a 'Proun' from the Soviet Exhibition. At this time, in 1923, I contracted pulmonary tuberculosis. * Back in Moscow in 1925 - teacher at 'Vchutemas' of interior design and furniture at the faculty of wood and metalwork. In 1926 my most important artistic work began: designing exhibitions. In that year I was invited by the committee of the International Exhibition of Art in Dresden to design the space for contemporary art. Was sent abroad for by 'VOKS'. [In] 1927 Exhibition of Typography in Moscow. * In 1935 I was appointed leading artist of the All-Soviet Agricultural Exhibition. I opposed the errors of the first leader, and resigned. Afterwards, while I was still in the sanatorium, I took over the design of the main building. The design of the main hall has been done according to my idea until now. From 1931 on, I was leading artist-architect of the 'Permanent Building Exhibition'. But as the years went by, my health deteriorating, I had less and less energy left for this type of commission, such as the realization of large-scale exhibitions. I still succeeded in designing the project for the museum-exhibition of the Ministry of 'Social Security'. * At the time when I was working on the exhibitions I was also very active as a book artist and in photo montage (for I could carry out those assignments when my sickness obliged me remain lying down). * In 1928 I designed a [https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/5/50/El_Lissitsky_1928_foldout.jpg photo-montage frieze of 24 by 3.5 m] for our 'Pressa' pavilion. It became the example par excellence for all larger-than-life montages, which were a permanent feature of the exhibitions from then on. During [[Vladimir Mayakovsky|Majakovskij]]'s stay in Berlin in 1923 I was commissioned to design his book 'For the Voice'. The book was recognized as the starting-point of a new typography, and the Gutenberg Society in Mainz made me a member. Another field of my work is the artistic and poly-graphic design of albums and periodicals. * At present [1941], not taking my serious illness into account, I still hope to make something for the 25th anniversary of the October Revolution. - El Lissitzky, June 1941, Moscow Notes. === posthumous publications === ==== El Lissitzky, ''El Lissitzky : Life, Letters, Texts'' (1967; 1980) ==== :<small>'''Quotes from: ''El Lissitzky : Life, Letters, Texts'', by El Lissitzky; ed. [[w:Sophie Küppers|Sophie Lissitzky-Küppers]]; Thames & Hudson, 1968'''</small> * We believe that the elements in the chemical formula of our creative work, problem, invention, and art, correspond to the challenges of our age. ** quote, p. 378 * The purpose of architecture is to transmute the emptiness into space, that is into something which our minds can grasp as an organized unity. ** quote, p. 384 == Quotes about El Lissitzky == :<small>'''sorted chronologically, by date of the quotes about El Lissitsky'''</small> * Lazar Markovich '''[Lissitsky]''', I salute you on the publication of this little book. ** Quote of [[Kazimir Malevich]], (Dec. 1919) in a letter to El Lissitsky who designed Malevich's publication that year: 'On the New System of Art' * '''[El] Lissitzky''' does exclaim 'Schafft Gegenstande' [Make Things]. But by this he does not mean real things.. .But why 'Gegenstande [Things]'? He only wants to make pseudo-things which express his urge for reality, for the earth. Things of the same hardness, immovability, earthbound in the same way as the daily life he sees around him. ** Quote of [[w:Jacob Bendien|Jacob Bendien]], in ''Richtingen in de Hedendaagsche schilderkunst'' / ''Trends in the Present Day Art of Painting'', Jacob Bendien; W.L & J. Brusse N.V. Rotterdam, 1935 (transl: Anne Porcelijn), pp. 93-98 * * Not all [[Constructivism (art)|Constructivists]] concentrate so strongly on reality.. .[[w:Moholy Nagy|Moholy Nagy]]'s work is 'l'art pour l'art' - as opposed to '''Lissitsky''' who is demonstrative; he is ethical in as much as he [Lissitsky] propagates the Bolshevist morale of not dreaming but doing, of preferring a direct gesture rather than one of beauty.. .'''Lissitsky''' wants nothing to do with 'l'art pour l'art'. 'Proun' – as he called his work – is art in order to demonstrate the feel of reality. In '[[w:Kunstismen|Kunstismen]]' [art magazine, published by Lissitsky and [[Jean Arp]] ], Lissitsky defines Proun as the 'Umsteige-station von Malerei nach Architectur' (the 'Step-over from the art of Painting to Architecture'). ** Quote of [[w:Jacob Bendien|Jacob Bendien]], in ''Richtingen in de Hedendaagsche schilderkunst'' / ''Trends in the Present Day Art of Painting'', Jacob Bendien; W.L & J. Brusse N.V. Rotterdam, 1935 (transl: Anne Porcelijn), pp. 93-98 * But the projects with which the architects of Russian proletarian architecture present us are not only based on pure imagination, but their construction would, if they were fitted for realization, entail enormous waste of space and materials. The [https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Photomontage_of_the_Wolkenbugel_by_El_Lissitzky_1925.jpg dwelling complex 'Wolkenbügel'] [designed by '''Lissitzky''', with the help of [[w:Emil Roth|Emil Roth]] - Swiss architect, 1924] (assuming that one could live here without either freezing or melting!), shaped like a 4, stands in a very un-constructive way on three legs in which the elevators are located. The latter take up as much space as would one or more skyscrapers. And these 'architects' are to teach the West what architecture is! ** Quote of [[Theo van Doesburg]], in 'Architecture and revolution — Revolutionary architecture? Utopian designs by Tatlin, Lissitzky, and others', Theo van Doesburg, in 'Het Bouwbedrijf' (1928) * There were tasks of a special kind awaiting him. He was needed in his homeland; the Soviet Union needed all his ['''Lissitzky's'''] knowledge, his experience, his art. ** Quote of his wife [[w:Sophie Lissitzky-Küppers|Sophie Küppers]], in ''El Lissitzky: Life, Letters, Texts'', ed. Sophie Küppers - trans. Helene Aldwinckle and Mary Whittall; Thames and Hudson, London, 1968, p. 58 * '''Lissitzky''' was at first able to sustain a radical suspension of alternatives, to destabilize the spectator's spatial assumptions - as analogues for social assumptions - without replacing them with ready-made solutions; but that, as the dictatorship [of [[w:Stalinism|Stalinism]] ] grew in power, it overwhelmed this fragile possibility and inserted its own new/old closures into the sphere of graphic and ideological work alike. ''As long as Lissitzky kept intact the Utopian force of his (political) desire'' the radical project was sustainable; but ''as soon as the circumstances closed off his Utopian impulse'', he was faced with no possibilities other than silence or service. ** Quote of Paul Wood, in ''The great Utopia, - The Russian and Soviet Avant-Garde, 1915-1932''; Guggenheim Museum, New York, 1992 ** Paul Wood quotes here two times [[w:Yve-Alain Bois|Yve-Alain Bois]], in his article 'El Lissitzky: Radical Reversibility', in 'Art in America', April 1988, p. 175 ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} {{commons category|El Lissitzky|El Lissitsky}} * [https://www.wikiart.org/en/el-lissitzky 80 images of works of El Lissitsky, on Wikiart] * [https://thecharnelhouse.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/el-lissitzky-suprematism-in-world-reconstruction.pdf complete text of Lissitzky's essay, 1920: 'Suprematism in World Reconstruction', 1920 - from a typescript in the Lissitzky Archives] * [https://thecharnelhouse.org/2014/08/27/el-lissitzky-on-pangeometry-and-art-1925/ complete text of Lissitzky's essay, 1925: 'A. and Pangeometry' - Europa Almanach, Potsdam 1925] * [https://thecharnelhouse.org/2014/03/07/lissitzky-wolkenbugel-1924/ text of his short essay 'Old cities — New buildings, The future and utopia', (1929)] {{DEFAULTSORT:Lissitsky, El}} [[Category:Painters from Russia]] [[Category:Architects from Russia]] [[Category:Educators from Russia]] [[Category:Russian Jews]] [[Category:1890 births]] [[Category:1941 deaths]] [[nl:El Lissitzky]] lzw1kbkc6tsk2j7t0hlcsv362yhfelk 0 59222 3778666 3077634 2025-07-14T13:41:26Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Comedians]]; added [[Category:Comedians from Scotland]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778666 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Marriot Edgar (2).jpg|thumb|Marriott Edgar]] '''[[w:Marriott Edgar|George Marriott Edgar]]''' ([[October 5]], [[1880]] – [[May 5]], [[1951]]) was a British writer and comedian, best remembered for his comic monologues about Lancashire working-class characters and about figures from English history. These were popularized in the music halls and on records by [[w:Stanley Holloway|Stanley Holloway]], who also wrote his own monologues about some of the same characters. Works by Edgar and Holloway are therefore often misattributed to each other. {{author-stub}} ==Quotes== === ''Albert, 'Arold and Others'' (1938) === * There's a famous seaside place called Blackpool,<br/>That's noted for fresh air and fun. ** "The Lion and Albert", line 1. * A grand little lad was young Albert,<br/>All dressed in his best; quite a swell.<br/>With a stick with an 'orse's 'ead 'andle,<br/>The finest that Woolworth's could sell. ** "The Lion and Albert", line 5. * They didn't think much to the Ocean,<br/>The waves, they was fiddlin' and small,<br/>There was no wrecks and nobody drownded,<br/>Fact, nothing to laugh at at all. ** "The Lion and Albert", line 9. * Now Albert had heard about lions,<br/>How they was ferocious and wild;<br/>And to see Wallace lying so peaceful,<br/>Just didn't seem right to the child.<br/><br/>So straightway the brave little feller,<br/>Not showing a morsel of fear,<br/>Took his stick with the 'orses 'ead 'andle,<br/>And shoved it in Wallace's ear. ** "The Lion and Albert", line 21. * Then Pa, who had seen the occurrence,<br/>And didn't know what to do next,<br/>Said "Mother! Yon Lion's 'et Albert,"<br/>And Mother said "Well, I am vexed!" ** "The Lion and Albert", line 33. * At that Mother got proper blazing,<br/>"And thank you, sir, kindly," said she.<br/>"What, waste all our lives raising children<br/>To feed ruddy Lions? Not me!" ** "Albert and the Lion", line 69. * "Y' not charging tuppence for that little lad?"<br/>Said Mother, her eyes flashing wild.<br/>"Per tuppence per person per trip," answered Ted,<br/>"Per woman, per man, or per child." ** "Runcorn Ferry", line 21. * Noah said "Nay; I'll make thee an offer,<br/>The same as I did t'other day.<br/>A penny a foot and a free ride.<br/>Now, come on, lad, what does tha say?"<br/><br/>"Three ha'pence a foot," came the answer.<br/>So Noah 'is sail 'ad to hoist,<br/>And sailed off again in a dudgeon,<br/>While Sam stood determined, but moist. ** "Three Ha'pence a Foot", line 61. * So with 'is 'ead down in a corner,<br/>On 'is front paws 'e started to walk,<br/>And 'e coughed and 'e sneezed and 'e gargled,<br/>Till Albert shot out like a cork.<br/><br/>Old Wallace felt better direc'ly,<br/>And 'is figure once more became lean,<br/>But the only difference with Albert<br/>Was 'is face and 'is 'ands were quite clean. ** "The Return of Albert", line 21. * Then giving young Albert a shilling,<br/>He said "Pop off back to the Zoo.<br/>'Ere's your stick with the 'orses's 'ead 'andle,<br/>Go and see what the Tigers can do!" ** "The Return of Albert", line 73. {{Misattributed begin}} == Misattributed == * Sam, Sam, pick oop tha musket. ** "Sam Small", lines 17, 25, 33, 45 and 47 ** "Sam Small" was one of Stanley Holloway's compositions. The full text is at [https://monologues.co.uk/search/search.pl?Terms=sam+small&submit.x=0&submit.y=0 monologues.co.uk] {{Misattributed end}} == External links == {{wikipedia}} * [https://monologues.co.uk/search/search.pl?Terms=marriott&submit.x=0&submit.y=0 Texts of Marriott Edgar's monologues] {{DEFAULTSORT:Edgar, Marriott}} [[Category:Poets from Scotland]] [[Category:Comedians from Scotland]] [[Category:Screenwriters]] [[Category:1880 births]] [[Category:1951 deaths]] iekg6e3bu9g6s0tg7z7q2fchp62qu5g 3778667 3778666 2025-07-14T13:41:33Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Screenwriters]]; added [[Category:Screenwriters from Scotland]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778667 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Marriot Edgar (2).jpg|thumb|Marriott Edgar]] '''[[w:Marriott Edgar|George Marriott Edgar]]''' ([[October 5]], [[1880]] – [[May 5]], [[1951]]) was a British writer and comedian, best remembered for his comic monologues about Lancashire working-class characters and about figures from English history. These were popularized in the music halls and on records by [[w:Stanley Holloway|Stanley Holloway]], who also wrote his own monologues about some of the same characters. Works by Edgar and Holloway are therefore often misattributed to each other. {{author-stub}} ==Quotes== === ''Albert, 'Arold and Others'' (1938) === * There's a famous seaside place called Blackpool,<br/>That's noted for fresh air and fun. ** "The Lion and Albert", line 1. * A grand little lad was young Albert,<br/>All dressed in his best; quite a swell.<br/>With a stick with an 'orse's 'ead 'andle,<br/>The finest that Woolworth's could sell. ** "The Lion and Albert", line 5. * They didn't think much to the Ocean,<br/>The waves, they was fiddlin' and small,<br/>There was no wrecks and nobody drownded,<br/>Fact, nothing to laugh at at all. ** "The Lion and Albert", line 9. * Now Albert had heard about lions,<br/>How they was ferocious and wild;<br/>And to see Wallace lying so peaceful,<br/>Just didn't seem right to the child.<br/><br/>So straightway the brave little feller,<br/>Not showing a morsel of fear,<br/>Took his stick with the 'orses 'ead 'andle,<br/>And shoved it in Wallace's ear. ** "The Lion and Albert", line 21. * Then Pa, who had seen the occurrence,<br/>And didn't know what to do next,<br/>Said "Mother! Yon Lion's 'et Albert,"<br/>And Mother said "Well, I am vexed!" ** "The Lion and Albert", line 33. * At that Mother got proper blazing,<br/>"And thank you, sir, kindly," said she.<br/>"What, waste all our lives raising children<br/>To feed ruddy Lions? Not me!" ** "Albert and the Lion", line 69. * "Y' not charging tuppence for that little lad?"<br/>Said Mother, her eyes flashing wild.<br/>"Per tuppence per person per trip," answered Ted,<br/>"Per woman, per man, or per child." ** "Runcorn Ferry", line 21. * Noah said "Nay; I'll make thee an offer,<br/>The same as I did t'other day.<br/>A penny a foot and a free ride.<br/>Now, come on, lad, what does tha say?"<br/><br/>"Three ha'pence a foot," came the answer.<br/>So Noah 'is sail 'ad to hoist,<br/>And sailed off again in a dudgeon,<br/>While Sam stood determined, but moist. ** "Three Ha'pence a Foot", line 61. * So with 'is 'ead down in a corner,<br/>On 'is front paws 'e started to walk,<br/>And 'e coughed and 'e sneezed and 'e gargled,<br/>Till Albert shot out like a cork.<br/><br/>Old Wallace felt better direc'ly,<br/>And 'is figure once more became lean,<br/>But the only difference with Albert<br/>Was 'is face and 'is 'ands were quite clean. ** "The Return of Albert", line 21. * Then giving young Albert a shilling,<br/>He said "Pop off back to the Zoo.<br/>'Ere's your stick with the 'orses's 'ead 'andle,<br/>Go and see what the Tigers can do!" ** "The Return of Albert", line 73. {{Misattributed begin}} == Misattributed == * Sam, Sam, pick oop tha musket. ** "Sam Small", lines 17, 25, 33, 45 and 47 ** "Sam Small" was one of Stanley Holloway's compositions. The full text is at [https://monologues.co.uk/search/search.pl?Terms=sam+small&submit.x=0&submit.y=0 monologues.co.uk] {{Misattributed end}} == External links == {{wikipedia}} * [https://monologues.co.uk/search/search.pl?Terms=marriott&submit.x=0&submit.y=0 Texts of Marriott Edgar's monologues] {{DEFAULTSORT:Edgar, Marriott}} [[Category:Poets from Scotland]] [[Category:Comedians from Scotland]] [[Category:Screenwriters from Scotland]] [[Category:1880 births]] [[Category:1951 deaths]] 9qv4o0j0xiy8uvicbsim2yx9ujqaqgf 0 60359 3778677 3456247 2025-07-14T13:47:07Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Comedians]]; added [[Category:Comedians from New Zealand]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778677 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Flight of the Conchords @ Gramercy, 2007.jpg|thumb|right|Flight of the Conchords in 2007]] {{For|quotes from the TV Series|Flight of the Conchords (TV Series)}} '''[[w:Flight of the Conchords|The Flight of the Conchords]]''' is a New Zealand folk/pop/comedy duo composed of [[w:Bret McKenzie|Bret McKenzie]] and [[w:Jemaine Clement|Jemaine Clement]]. {{musician-stub}} {{comedian-stub}} ==From HBO ''One Night Stand'' special== Before singing '''''Think About It - Think, Think About It''''': :'''Bret''': If there's one thing that we as a band want to deal with, it's the issues. Like-- :'''Jemaine''': That's just one of the things. :'''Bret''': Yeah. Like, the future of the planet. :'''Jemaine''': Yeah. :'''Bret''': The future of my children. And my children's children, and-- :'''Jemaine''': Well, you know-- :'''Bret''': My children's children's children, you know. :'''Jemaine''': Actually, Bret. When I think about your children, and your children's children, I actually think your children are too young to be having children. And as far as your children's children's children, I think, you know, where does it stop? When the--When the children are having children, you know, it's just--how small are they going to get? It's going to be-- :'''Bret''': Too small. :'''Jemaine''': Too small. :'''Bret''': Too small. :'''Jemaine''': Exactly. :'''Bret''': That's one of the issues. And-- :'''Jemaine''': It's just going to get into this ridiculous Russian doll situation. :'''Bret''': Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. :'''Jemaine''': Have you met my kid? Have you met their little kids? And then, it's just going to be--Hmm. Well in some ways, I think your children aren't going to be affected by a lot of things that affect other children. Because your children... aren't real. :'''Bret''': Yeah, yeah, okay, but-- :'''Jemaine''': Do you see the distinction? :'''Bret''': Yeah, yeah, sure. But they still have issues, that don't get taken seriously. And they have to deal with all the imaginary stuff, like rogue unicorns, for example. You know. :'''Jemaine''': Okay, so--there's lots of things that I haven't thought about, I guess. So, sorry. :'''Bret''': Yeah. My wife and I weren't able to have children, so we chose to imagine them. The doctor suggested it. And it's actually been incredibly rewarding, you know. :'''Jemaine''': Bret's wife is unable to have children because she's not a real woman. :'''Bret''': No she's--yeah, she's imaginary, yeah. The kids take after her in that sense, but she is--she's very beautiful. She is a very beautiful woman. :'''Jemaine''': She's a very beautiful woman. Much--she's a much better kind of woman than some of the women that I've imagined. :'''Bret''': Yeah, yeah. :'''Jemaine''': But this song is more about the real world issues. That are affecting us--everyone--today. :'''Bret''': It's called, '''''Think About It - Think, Think About It'''''. :[note that the quote about children plays upon the Moody Blue's Album "To Our Children's Children's Children"] <hr width=50%> :After singing '''''Think about it. Think, think about it''''': :'''Bret''': There was a bit in that song where we were dealing with the issue of AIDS. The bit with the monkeys. :'''Jemaine''': Yeah because it was believed that AIDS was contracted from the monkeys. Not [[w:The Monkees|the band]] but the animal. And we just wanted to deal with that issue--just a couple of points. Just changing the attitude towards AIDS from being "Eww AIDSy" to more like "Ohh! Fun monkey disease." <hr width=50%> :Before singing '''''She's so hot... Boom!''''', Bret gets out a futuristic-looking guitar-like instrument: :'''Bret''': This is the DG20. :'''Jemaine''': We got this from a pawn shop in the future. ==Interviews== <small>Interview with Mike McDaniel of the Houston Chronicle, {{cite web |title=HBO's Conchords takes flight |accessdate=2007-07-21 |work=Houston Chronicle |url=http://www.chron.com/CDA/archives/archive.mpl?id=2007_4384075 |date=[[2007-07-13]]}}</small> :'''Interviewer''': So what's the coolest thing about living in America? :'''Clement''': People are friendly. :'''McKenzie''': Paying taxes to George Bush is a real treat. :'''Clement''': What Bret means to say is the people are friendly. <hr width="50%"> :'''Clement''': We're Flight of the Conchords, from New Zealand. :'''McKenzie''': I dunno if you guys know much about New Zealand, but, uh, a few years ago we invented something we call hip-hop. :'''Clement''': 2001? :'''McKenzie''': Do you remember when we invented hip-hop that day, with Steve? :'''Clement''': At the barbecue?.. these guys are the funniest people? ==External links== {{wikipedia}} * [http://www.conchords.co.nz Official site] * [http://www.whatthefolk.net Extensive fan site] [[Category:Comedians from New Zealand]] [[Category:Musicians]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:People from New Zealand]] 0i508kd40wemrrkomqin5fbabci0v4v 3778678 3778677 2025-07-14T13:47:29Z UDScott 4304 −[[Category:People from New Zealand]]; ±[[Category:Musicians]]→[[Category:Musicians from New Zealand]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778678 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Flight of the Conchords @ Gramercy, 2007.jpg|thumb|right|Flight of the Conchords in 2007]] {{For|quotes from the TV Series|Flight of the Conchords (TV Series)}} '''[[w:Flight of the Conchords|The Flight of the Conchords]]''' is a New Zealand folk/pop/comedy duo composed of [[w:Bret McKenzie|Bret McKenzie]] and [[w:Jemaine Clement|Jemaine Clement]]. {{musician-stub}} {{comedian-stub}} ==From HBO ''One Night Stand'' special== Before singing '''''Think About It - Think, Think About It''''': :'''Bret''': If there's one thing that we as a band want to deal with, it's the issues. Like-- :'''Jemaine''': That's just one of the things. :'''Bret''': Yeah. Like, the future of the planet. :'''Jemaine''': Yeah. :'''Bret''': The future of my children. And my children's children, and-- :'''Jemaine''': Well, you know-- :'''Bret''': My children's children's children, you know. :'''Jemaine''': Actually, Bret. When I think about your children, and your children's children, I actually think your children are too young to be having children. And as far as your children's children's children, I think, you know, where does it stop? When the--When the children are having children, you know, it's just--how small are they going to get? It's going to be-- :'''Bret''': Too small. :'''Jemaine''': Too small. :'''Bret''': Too small. :'''Jemaine''': Exactly. :'''Bret''': That's one of the issues. And-- :'''Jemaine''': It's just going to get into this ridiculous Russian doll situation. :'''Bret''': Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. :'''Jemaine''': Have you met my kid? Have you met their little kids? And then, it's just going to be--Hmm. Well in some ways, I think your children aren't going to be affected by a lot of things that affect other children. Because your children... aren't real. :'''Bret''': Yeah, yeah, okay, but-- :'''Jemaine''': Do you see the distinction? :'''Bret''': Yeah, yeah, sure. But they still have issues, that don't get taken seriously. And they have to deal with all the imaginary stuff, like rogue unicorns, for example. You know. :'''Jemaine''': Okay, so--there's lots of things that I haven't thought about, I guess. So, sorry. :'''Bret''': Yeah. My wife and I weren't able to have children, so we chose to imagine them. The doctor suggested it. And it's actually been incredibly rewarding, you know. :'''Jemaine''': Bret's wife is unable to have children because she's not a real woman. :'''Bret''': No she's--yeah, she's imaginary, yeah. The kids take after her in that sense, but she is--she's very beautiful. She is a very beautiful woman. :'''Jemaine''': She's a very beautiful woman. Much--she's a much better kind of woman than some of the women that I've imagined. :'''Bret''': Yeah, yeah. :'''Jemaine''': But this song is more about the real world issues. That are affecting us--everyone--today. :'''Bret''': It's called, '''''Think About It - Think, Think About It'''''. :[note that the quote about children plays upon the Moody Blue's Album "To Our Children's Children's Children"] <hr width=50%> :After singing '''''Think about it. Think, think about it''''': :'''Bret''': There was a bit in that song where we were dealing with the issue of AIDS. The bit with the monkeys. :'''Jemaine''': Yeah because it was believed that AIDS was contracted from the monkeys. Not [[w:The Monkees|the band]] but the animal. And we just wanted to deal with that issue--just a couple of points. Just changing the attitude towards AIDS from being "Eww AIDSy" to more like "Ohh! Fun monkey disease." <hr width=50%> :Before singing '''''She's so hot... Boom!''''', Bret gets out a futuristic-looking guitar-like instrument: :'''Bret''': This is the DG20. :'''Jemaine''': We got this from a pawn shop in the future. ==Interviews== <small>Interview with Mike McDaniel of the Houston Chronicle, {{cite web |title=HBO's Conchords takes flight |accessdate=2007-07-21 |work=Houston Chronicle |url=http://www.chron.com/CDA/archives/archive.mpl?id=2007_4384075 |date=[[2007-07-13]]}}</small> :'''Interviewer''': So what's the coolest thing about living in America? :'''Clement''': People are friendly. :'''McKenzie''': Paying taxes to George Bush is a real treat. :'''Clement''': What Bret means to say is the people are friendly. <hr width="50%"> :'''Clement''': We're Flight of the Conchords, from New Zealand. :'''McKenzie''': I dunno if you guys know much about New Zealand, but, uh, a few years ago we invented something we call hip-hop. :'''Clement''': 2001? :'''McKenzie''': Do you remember when we invented hip-hop that day, with Steve? :'''Clement''': At the barbecue?.. these guys are the funniest people? ==External links== {{wikipedia}} * [http://www.conchords.co.nz Official site] * [http://www.whatthefolk.net Extensive fan site] [[Category:Comedians from New Zealand]] [[Category:Musicians from New Zealand]] [[Category:Living people]] s53pvjrmseqzdwrjy012tb21ysf40le 0 62710 3778790 3760656 2025-07-14T18:26:14Z A23423413 3125316 /* Quotes about Derek Walcott */ add 3778790 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Derek Walcott.jpg|thumb|Derek Walcott in 2008]] '''[[w:Derek Alton Walcott|Derek Alton Walcott]]''' (born [[January 23]], [[1930]] – [[March 17]] [[2017]]) was a [[West India]]n poet, playwright, writer and visual artist who wrote mainly in English. Born in Castries, St. Lucia, he won the [[Nobel Prize]] for Literature in 1992. == Sourced == * I come from a place that likes grandeur; it likes large gestures; it is not inhibited by flourish; it is a rhetorical society; it is a society of physical performance; it is a society of style. ** Interview with Ed Hirsch (1986), ''Writers at Work: The Paris Review Interviews, Eighth Series'' (Penguin, 1988) * Any serious attempt to try to do something worthwhile is ritualistic. ** Interview with Ed Hirsch (1986), ''Writers at Work: The Paris Review Interviews, Eighth Series'' (Penguin, 1988) * The English language is nobody's special property. It is the property of the imagination: it is the property of the language itself. ** Interview with Ed Hirsch (1986), ''Writers at Work: The Paris Review Interviews, Eighth Series'' (Penguin, 1988) * Good science and good art are always about a condition of awe … I don’t think there is any other function for the poet or the scientist in the human tribe but the astonishment of the soul. ** ''Uncommon Genius: How Great Ideas are Born'' (Penguin, 1990), pp. 176 * I never thought I would see the day when America (which is based on the idea of liberty, from which the world Liberal comes) would become so self-centered and hypocritical. I mean if democracy considers liberal to be a term of abuse, then we should be terrified. A liberal is someone who believes in liberty. And if it is wrong to be liberal, then the other side has to be fascist. ** ''Conversations with Derek Walcott'' (University Press Mississippi, 1996, page.165) ===="A Far Cry from Africa" (1962)==== * The violence of beast on beast is read <br> As natural law, but upright man <br> Seeks his divinity by inflicting pain. ===="The Schooner ''Flight''" (1980)==== * I'm just a red nigger who love the sea,<br>I had a sound colonial education,<br>I have Dutch, nigger, and English in me,<br>and either I'm nobody, or I'm a nation. ** "Adios, Carenage," lines 40-44 * I try to forget what happiness was,<br>and when that don't work, I study the stars. ** "After the Storm" ====''Collected Poems, 1948-1984'' (1986) ==== * You will love again the stranger who was your self. <br> Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart <br> to itself, to the stranger who has loved you <p> all your life, whom you ignored <br> for another, who knows you by heart. ** "Love after Love" * Peel your own image from the mirror. <br> Sit. Feast on your life. ** "Love after Love" ====Omeros==== *Then silence is sawn in half by a dragonfly <br> as eels sign their names along the bottom-sand <br> when the sunrise brightens the river's memory <p> and waves of huge ferns are nodding to the sea's sound. <br> Although the smoke forgets the earth from which is ascends <br> and the nettles guard the holes where the laurels were killed <p> an iguana hears the axes, clouding each lens <br> over its lost name, when the hunched island was called <br> 'Iounalao' 'Where it iguana is from' <p> But, taking its own time, the iguana will scale <br> the rigging of vines in a year, its dewlap fanned, <br> its elbows akimbo, its deliberate tail <p> moving with the island. The slit pods of its eyes <br> ripened in a pause that lasted for centuries, <br> that rose with the Aruacs' smoke till a new race <p> unknown to the lizard stood measuring the trees. <br> These were their pillars that fell, leaving a blue space <br> for a single God where the old gods stood before, <p> The first god was a gommier. The generator <br> began with a whine, and a shark, with sidewise jaw, <br> sent the chips flying like mackrel over water <p> into trembling weeds ====White Egrets==== * No masterpieces in huge frames to worship, <br> … and yet there are the days <br> when every street corner rounds itself into <br> a sunlit surprise, a painting or a phrase, <br> canoes drawn up by the market, the harbour’s blue, <br> the barracks. So much to do still, all of it praise. ==Quotes about Derek Walcott== *I love the opulent poetry of [[Tishani Doshi]] and the more formal work of [[Derek Walcott]] and [[Christian Wiman]]. **[[Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie]] [https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/23/books/review/chimamanda-ngozi-adichie-by-the-book-interview.html interview] (2020) *...a master wordsmith. These words are his, from his poem "The Schooner Flight":<br>I'm just a red nigger who love the sea,<br>I had a sound colonial education,<br>I have Dutch, nigger, and English in me,<br>And either I'm nobody, or I'm a nation...<br>Doesn't that last line just fucking give you chills, coming hard on the heels of what preceded it? Goddamn. Much respect. **[[Nalo Hopkinson]], interview in ''Report From Planet Midnight'' (2012) * ...no matter how you look at Walcott, Walcott is a major figure; he is a Miltonic figure, a Shakespearean figure, a [[Chaucer]] figure. He stands in Caribbean literature like those figures: Chaucer, maybe [[Spenser]], [[Shakespeare]], [[Milton]]-those major, major massive figures who have already covered generations of work. And others come along who have their own value, their own work, but these guys have always already done more than anybody else. You look into the past, they've already done the past; you look into the future, they've already done things in the future. So he's a significant poet because he is the major poet, in terms of form and style, concerns, themes, and so on. And I very much look to him for form and so on. In terms of the ideology and the content, as I say, I think there is certainly a difference, as I move more and more into Christian poetry. You couldn't really describe Walcott as a Christian poet - not in that strict sense of the term. Our concerns have been independence, how we deal with the politics of the situation and so on...He has done his work and I think those of us coming after have to do our own work. We can't repeat him. We should not. We should learn from him and move on. **[[John Robert Lee]] ''Talk Yuh Talk: Interviews with Anglophone Caribbean Poets'' by Kwame Dawes (2000) == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{commons category}} *[http://www.nobel.se/literature/laureates/1992/index.html Nobel Laureate Derek Walcott] *[http://www.postcolonialweb.org/caribbean/walcott/walcottov.html Postcolonialweb.org on Walcott] *[http://www.ttw.org.tt/ Trinidad Theatre Workshop] *[http://www.lannan.org/lf/rc/event/derek-walcott/ Lannan Foundation Reading and Conversation With Glyn Maxwell] *[http://www.thepoetryforum.org/poets.html International Poetry Forum Readings] (scroll down) *[http://www.bostonplaywrights.org Boston Playwrights' Theatre] {{DEFAULTSORT:Walcott, Derek}} [[Category:Playwrights]] [[Category:West Indian poets]] [[Category:Artists]] [[Category:Nobel laureates in Literature]] [[Category:1930 births]] [[Category:2017 deaths]] [[Category:MacArthur Fellows]] [[Category:Columbia University faculty]] 63gd9vd2btfm6efbf5w1zabo6bwt3q2 0 63798 3778676 3762975 2025-07-14T13:46:40Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Comedians]]; added [[Category:Comedians from Scotland]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778676 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Craig Ferguson in 2007.jpg|thumb|right|I'm a vulgar lounge entertainer, I don't need to wear a tie.]] '''[[w:Craig Ferguson|Craig Ferguson]]''' (born [[17 May]] [[1962]]) is a Scottish-born actor/comedian and former host of ''[[w:The Late Late Show (CBS TV series)|The Late Late Show]]''. He was succeeded by British comedy actor James Corden. == Quotes == === ''The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson'' (2005–2014)=== [[File:NOLATimeFestII Wedding2.jpg|thumb| In [[1963]] the [[Doctor Who|BBC premiered a show]] about an [[alien]] <br />Who traveled through [[space]] and [[time]] to combat the [[powers]] of [[evil]]. … It's all about the [[triumph]] of [[intellect]] and [[romance]] over brute [[force]] and [[cynicism]]!]] * Nothing says romance like hobos, martyrs and decapitations. ** On the creation of St. Valentine's Day. (14 February 2010) * '''In [[1963]] the [[Doctor Who|BBC premiered a show]] about an [[alien]] <br />Who traveled through [[space]] and [[time]] to combat the [[powers]] of [[evil]].''' <!-- <br />''' Sid the rabbit''': He’s a [[force]] for [[good]] in an otherwise uncertain [[universe]]. <br /> '''Craig''': You are correct in your summation of this [[character]] my [profane?] rabbit friend. --> … <br /> The show has been running in Britain almost fifty years, <br /> with many different actors in the role of [[The Doctor]]. … <br /> One thing is consistent though and this is why the show is so beloved by geeks and nerds — <br /> '''It's all about the triumph of [[intellect]] and [[romance]] over brute [[force]] and [[cynicism]]!''' <br /> ''Intellect and romance over brute force and cynicism!'' <br /> '''And if there is any [[hope]] for any of us in [[Big Bang|this giant explosion]] in which we inhabit then surely that’s it: <br /> Intellect and romance triumph over brute force and cynicism! '''<!-- Right Doctor? --> ** A [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M9P4SxtphJ4 comedic musical tribute to ''Doctor Who'' made in November 2010], which was not aired for legal reasons, but "leaked" to the internet, and finally aired with legal clearance on [http://geeksofdoom.com/2011/01/07/craig-fergusons-doctor-who-musical-finally-airs/''The Late Late Show'' (6 January 2011)] · [http://www.forbes.com/sites/davidewalt/2010/12/01/craig-fergusons-doctor-who-song/ Transcript of lyrics (with some minor errors), online at ''Forbes'' (1 December 2010)] * I dont know how to add things to my own wikipedia page. ** 25 Feb 2011 * Change is the law of God's mind and resistance to it is the source of all pain. ** 31 May 2011 * In a Scottish opera, it ain't over 'till the fat lady bitch-slaps you. * I'm a vulgar lounge entertainer, I don't need to wear a tie. * "Whaa, I'm Brad Pitt. I'll crush you." ''[audience laughs]'' "With my hand!" * "He's quiet as well, especially if you stalk him." ** On Brad Pitt. * As a vulgar lounge entertainer, my business ''relies'' on ridiculous stereotypes! If these people start using deodorant, I might as well just go home! ** On French people * You die alone in your house, and your cat will eat you. * Get well soon, Castro. ''[pause]'' Actually, no, don't; die, you bastard! * I don't like my politicians entertaining me and I don't like my entertainers politicianing ''[sic]'' me. * He's German so he's [[:en:Uwe Boll|Herr Ball]]. Herr Ball. His movies are so bad, cats choke when they hear his name. * That's here on CBS, where the 'C' stands for 'Classy' and the 'BS' speaks for itself. * I enjoy bathing, as many Europeans don't. * Kids: If a bear is wearing a ranger hat, it's because he ate the ranger! ** On [[w:Smokey Bear|Smokey Bear]] * Oh, this isn't a talk show; it's more just filling time, really, 'til the infomercials start. *You don't say 'we're suspending the campaign'! You can't say that! We didn't sus-, you can't, it's the democratic process! We didn't suspend it for 9/11, we didn't suspend it for Pearl Harbor, we didn't suspend it for the Nazis, we didn't suspend it for the damn British! We don't do that in America! We don't! There's no suspending the campaign! '''Democracy first! First, first, first! First! Democracy, FIRST!''' **in response to [[w:John McCain|John McCain]]'s suggestion to suspend the 2008 presidential campaign because of the financial crisis.{{fix cite}} * I haven't had a drink in thirteen years, but occasionally I'm tempted to have one beer. The problem is that if I have that one beer, I wake up in Tijuana four days later with a tattoo and a sore ass.{{fix cite}} * Relax, you're among friends now. The long hard day is over and the roly-poly funny man is before you.{{fix cite}} * Just a warning: If you're a bunch of sexy teenagers at a lake where other sexy teenagers were killed 30 years ago, leave! The guy in the forest with a hockey mask... maybe doesn't play hockey.{{fix cite}} * [''to Rupert Grint''] Look at the great city of LA stretched out in front of you, son: there's dangerous people living in that cardboard backdrop.{{fix cite}} * Don't do that... By the way, this is not Oprah furniture; you jump on this, and it will be firewood... Oprah's got the real thing, this stuff...this is about as real as '''that''' ''[points to cityscape backdrop]'' right there. ** On Clive Barker pretending to be Tom Cruise.{{fix cite}} *'''[[Clive Barker]]''': It's an excuse to look at my groin.<br>'''Craig Ferguson''': I'm European - I don't need an excuse. ** Off-topic discussion about Clive Barker's pants.{{fix cite}} * '''Craig Ferguson''': Do you do therapy?<br>'''[[Hugh Laurie]]''': I see a gentleman once a week.<br>'''Craig Ferguson''': I love it, I'm a great convert.<br>'''Hugh Laurie''': Therapy?<br>'''Craig Ferguson''': No, just seeing a gentleman once a week.{{fix cite}} * I'm TV's Craig Ferguson, please sit down relax and: "take off your pants"; "dip your hand into a bowl of warm water and fall fast asleep"; etc.{{fix cite}} *I view my own body as a Donalds hiccups I am the main attraction... And the only customer.{{fix cite}} * ''[reading an email]'' "Dear Craig, … are your letters written by your writers?" No. "Does this make me one of your writers?" ''(ponders)'' Yes. "Why haven't I been paid?" Because you're one of my writers! ** 2009-04-03 broadcast * ''[to camera]'' Excuse me for just a second. ''[walks off-camera, to studio audience]'' '''Shut up!''' ** 2009-05-15 broadcast ** The audience had collectively went "Aw…", expressing disappointment. * ''[bends over]'' *errgh* Sorry for making that noise, but … that's what happens when you get older. One day what happens is that you bend over, and you never come back. ** 2009-07-24 broadcast *"Laughter separates us from despair and gives us a chance at love." ** During a dinner discussion with Kristen Bell and Jean Reno. Filmed for a week of shows in Paris, France. *** 2011-08-05 broadcast * ''[The Secretariat horse character reveals his true identity, and it happens to be Bob Newhart.]'' :'''Craig:''' Bob Newhart! What are you doing here? :'''Bob Newhart:''' Hey, Craig; it's ''your'' dream! ** During the final episode, the ending of the classic sitcom [[Newhart]] was spoofed here; Craig, in his role as Nigel Wick from [[The Drew Carey Show]], wakes up next to Drew and discovers his entire stint as host of the Late Late Show was all a bad dream. ==== Commonly repeated ==== * ''[When beginning the cold open with another person]'' Please state your name for the camera.{{source}} * Another innocent victim of my pointless rage.{{source}} * I can't live by your rules, man!{{source}} * ''[After the doorbell rings, right before Secretariat appears]'' Who's that at the door?!{{source}} * It's a great day for America, everybody.{{source}} * Remind you of anyone?{{source}} * ''[referring to himself]'' Where's the Scottish [[Conan O'Brien|Conan]] guy?{{source}} * Sounds like a party at Elton John's house.{{source}} * It's a JOKE!{{source}} * ''[referring to a category of people he might have upset with a joke]'' I'm looking forward to your letters...{{source}} * ''[in reference to a two-word comment from a guest]'' ...I used to dance under that name. * It's okay, I'm European ''[referring to a preceding sexually ambiguous comment]''.{{source}} * I Know!....{{source}} * ...or is it?{{source}} * ...best night of my life.{{source}} * You know who doesn't like _____? Al-Qaeda!{{source}} * ''[referring to a suggestive comment aimed at the audience]'' You too, ladies.{{source}} * ''[with a fist-shake]'' Take that, ____.{{source}} ==== "By the way…" variations ==== * By the way, there's a place on Hollywood Boulevard where you can get a _____ for twenty bucks.{{source}} * By the way, _____ was a name I used to dance under.{{source}} * By the way, _____ was the name of a movie I accidentally watched in a hotel room twenty or thirty times.{{source}} ==== "Welcome Back" variations ==== * Welcome back, my cheeky wee monkeys.{{source}} * Welcome back, my filthy pigeons.{{source}} * Welcome back, my naughty monkeys. ''[whipcrack]''{{source}} * Welcome back, my naughty donkeys.{{source}} * Welcome back, my naughty penguins.{{source}} * Welcome back, my frisky badgers{{source}} * Welcome back to the big show where (at this point, he references something from earlier in the show){{source}} === ''Heckler'' (2006)=== * Do what you love, and what you're proud of, and you're fuckin' bulletproof. You're fuckin' bulletproof. If you do what you absolutely believe to be right, then you're fuckin' bulletproof. === ''Between the Bridge and the River'' (2006)=== * Love at first sight is not rare, in fact it is extremely common, it happens to some people a few times a year. The feeling of “what if” when meeting the eyes of a stranger can be love unrecognized. * They could have gotten help for this infertility but they believed that interfering with the reproductive process, even if it was faulty, was anti-God. It was against His plan. It never occurred to them that God may have provided the world with a vast array of very brainy medical types for the very reason of solving problems such as theirs. However, there is one thing that the medical profession cannot do and that is save people from being idiots. *Change is the nature of God’s mind, and resistance to it is the source of great pain. *The devil is not abroad at night in the form of a cat or a wolf or any other animal. He lives eternally in the hearts of men. *Fraser’s mother, Janice, was actually quite a happy soul but she had to hide it because, like all pseudo-intellectuals, she thought being cheery made her look stupid, which of course she was for believing that rubbish in the first place. *Like most sharks, Margaret liked to think of herself as a victim of the cruel sea. *[[High school]] is tough on anyone, an absolute rule of the Universe being that if high school is not a buttockclenchingly awkward, emotionally difficult, and unpleasant time of your life, then the rest of it will be a crushing disappointment. Academic success is desirable, popularity (the only thing that most students really desire) is not. Those who excel socially in high school are truly damned. The homecoming queen does indeed bear the mark of the beast. *Being guilty tends to engender feelings of guilt. *Always laugh second. *Allowances can always be made for your friends to disagree with you. Disagreement, vehement disagreement, is healthy. Debate is impossible without it. Evil does not question itself. Even the incorruptible are corruptible if they cannot accept the possibility of being mistaken. Infallibility is a sin in any man. All laws can be broken and are. Often. Like when a bumblebee flies or an ancient regime is toppled. *Like many of her sex, Sophie was fiercely competitive with other women, working on the crackpot theory that if she could be better in some way, men would like her more, respect her. Make her happy. She never cottoned on that the men she was attracted to, the men who found her attractive, didn’t like women. They liked variety. And fucking. *That’s the thing about terrorism – it works. Especially for the terrorists – they might not get what they want but it feels damn good trying. For many terrorists, the means is the end. *Confession is a sacred rite enhanced by allegory, exaggeration, and lies. *Evil does not question itself. Only Hope questions itself. *Time is only linear for engineers and referees. *The problem with suicide is that it seems so flamboyant. It’s camp. You have to be a bit of a drama queen to ever seriously consider it. === ''American on Purpose'' (2009)=== *Failure is not a disgrace. It’s just a pitch that you missed, and you’d better get ready for the next one... My son and I are Americans, we prepare for glory by failing until we don’t. *I did have a love for literature that overpowered my hatred of the people who taught it, and I think because I had no respect for the teachers, their attitude didn’t poison the writing that I was discovering for myself. *Being funny is a gift, and, when done well, is an art form. *Sober alkies are often asked: “When did you hit rock bottom?” but a more informed question might be: “How many times did you hit rock bottom? *Appear tougher or cooler or funnier than you feel and there is a chance you’ll make it. *There are bound to be some lies here, but I’ve been telling them so long they’ve become truth, my truth, as close as I can get to what really happened. *Between safety and adventure I choose adventure. *America is, for me, an aspiration, a philosophy, a way of being, a dream.<ref>{{cite news|first=Greta |last=Van Susteren |url=http://www.foxnews.com/transcript/2009/09/22/why-craig-ferguson-american-purpose.html |title=Why Craig Ferguson Is 'American on Purpose' |work=On the Record |publisher=Fox News |date=22 September 2009 |accessdate=12 October 2017 }}</ref> === ''Couple Thinkers'' (2017)=== *The trouble I have with astrophysics or quantum mechanics is the same problem I have with philosophy; which is: initially it is mind blowing, then it is fascinating, then it is disturbing, then it is almost uncomprehensible, then it's fascinating again, then you disappear up your own ass. ==References== {{reflist}} == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{imdb name|id=0272401|name=Craig Ferguson}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Ferguson, Craig}} [[Category:Actors from Scotland]] [[Category:Comedians from Scotland]] [[Category:Stand-up comedians]] [[Category:Novelists from Scotland]] [[Category:Aviators]] [[Category:1962 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:People from Glasgow]] 8y0px76zej62joi5hrbna188j8j79zf 0 69670 3779038 3778312 2025-07-15T07:32:59Z Kalki 71 /* La Marseillaise (1792) */ replace a dead link 3779038 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Pils rouget lisle chantant marseillaise mb (Musée).jpg|thumb|Arise, [[children]] of [[France|the Fatherland]], <br /> The day of [[glory]] has arrived!]] '''[[w:Claude Joseph Rouget de Lisle|Claude Joseph Rouget de Lisle]]''' ([[10 May]] [[1760]] – [[26 June]] [[1836]]) was a [[w:France|French]] composer who in 1792 wrote ''[[w:La Marseillaise|La Marseillaise]]'', the French [[w:national anthem|national anthem]]. ==Quotes== === ''[[w:La Marseillaise|La Marseillaise]]'' (1792) === [[File:Le Départ des Volontaires (La Marseillaise) par Rude, Arc de Triomphe Etoile Paris.jpg|thumb|To arms, [[citizens]], <br /> Form your battalions, <br /> Let's march, let's march!]] :<small>Originally titled ''Chant de Guerre pour l'Armée du Rhin'' (War Song for the Army of the Rhine) · [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIQSEq6tEVs French National Anthem - "''La Marseillaise''" with French and English lyrics] · [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KTsg9i6lvqU ''La Marseillaise'' sung in ''Casablanca'' (1942)] · [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JeogNeB0kzU "La Marseillaise" sung by Mireille Mathieu (1988 performance)] + [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7MQ-SC9bmp4 B&W version with English subtitles]</small> * <p>''Allons enfants de la Patrie, <br /> Le jour de gloire est arrivé! <br /> Contre nous de la tyrannie, <br /> L'étendard sanglant est levé, (bis) <br /> Entendez-vous dans les campagnes <br /> Mugir ces féroces soldats? <br /> Ils viennent jusque dans vos bras <br /> Égorger vos fils, vos compagnes!</p> <p> Aux armes, citoyens, <br /> Formez vos bataillons, <br /> Marchons, marchons! <br /> Qu'un sang impur <br /> Abreuve nos sillons!</p> ** Arise, [[children]] of the Fatherland, <br /> The day of [[glory]] has arrived! <br /> Against us, of [[tyranny]] <br /> The blood-stained standard is raised, <br /> Do you hear in the countryside, <br /> Those blood-thirsty [[soldiers]] ablare? <br /> They're coming right into your arms <br /> To tear the throats of your sons, your wives! <br /><br /> To arms, [[citizens]], <br /> Form up your battalions <br /> March on, march on! <br /> Let blood impure <br /> Water our furrows! ** Variant translations: ** <p> Arise, [[children]] of [[France|the Fatherland]], <br /> The day of [[glory]] has arrived! <br /> Against us [[tyranny]]'s <br /> Bloody banner is raised …<br /> Do you hear, in the countryside, <br /> The roar of those ferocious [[soldiers]]? <br /> They're coming right into your arms <br /> To slaughter your sons, your companions!! </p> <p>To arms, citizens, <br /> Form your battalions, <br /> Let's march, let's march! <br /> Let an impure blood <br /> Soak our fields! </p> ** Ye sons of France, awake to glory!<br>Hark! hark! what myriads bid you rise!<br>Your children, wives, and grandsires hoary,<br>Behold their tears and hear their cries! *To arms! to arms! ye brave!<br>The avenging sword unsheathe!<br>March on! march on! all hearts resolved<br>On victory or death! ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{Commonscat|Claude Joseph Rouget de Lisle}} * [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Od2j0sNet5s La Marseillaise: 'The Greatest National Anthem in the World, Ever' - ''BBC News'' (19 November 2015)] {{DEFAULTSORT:Rouget de Lisle, Claude Joseph}} [[Category:1760 births]] [[Category:1836 deaths]] [[Category:Composers from France]] [[Category:Musicians from France]] [[Category:Playwrights from France]] [[Category:Poets from France]] [[Category:Freemasons]] [[Category:Prisoners]] 3dbf3frzuxfuc0xnpkvd99z2iqjo1il 3779040 3779038 2025-07-15T07:35:15Z Kalki 71 /* La Marseillaise (1792) */ 3779040 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Pils rouget lisle chantant marseillaise mb (Musée).jpg|thumb|Arise, [[children]] of [[France|the Fatherland]], <br /> The day of [[glory]] has arrived!]] '''[[w:Claude Joseph Rouget de Lisle|Claude Joseph Rouget de Lisle]]''' ([[10 May]] [[1760]] – [[26 June]] [[1836]]) was a [[w:France|French]] composer who in 1792 wrote ''[[w:La Marseillaise|La Marseillaise]]'', the French [[w:national anthem|national anthem]]. ==Quotes== === ''[[w:La Marseillaise|La Marseillaise]]'' (1792) === [[File:Le Départ des Volontaires (La Marseillaise) par Rude, Arc de Triomphe Etoile Paris.jpg|thumb|To arms, [[citizens]], <br /> Form your battalions, <br /> Let's march, let's march!]] :<small>Originally titled ''Chant de Guerre pour l'Armée du Rhin'' (War Song for the Army of the Rhine) · [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIQSEq6tEVs French National Anthem - "''La Marseillaise''" with French and English lyrics] · [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KTsg9i6lvqU ''La Marseillaise'' sung in ''Casablanca'' (1942)] · [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JeogNeB0kzU "La Marseillaise" sung by Mireille Mathieu (1988 performance)] + [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7MQ-SC9bmp4 B&W version with English subtitles (1989)]</small> * <p>''Allons enfants de la Patrie, <br /> Le jour de gloire est arrivé! <br /> Contre nous de la tyrannie, <br /> L'étendard sanglant est levé, (bis) <br /> Entendez-vous dans les campagnes <br /> Mugir ces féroces soldats? <br /> Ils viennent jusque dans vos bras <br /> Égorger vos fils, vos compagnes!</p> <p> Aux armes, citoyens, <br /> Formez vos bataillons, <br /> Marchons, marchons! <br /> Qu'un sang impur <br /> Abreuve nos sillons!</p> ** Arise, [[children]] of the Fatherland, <br /> The day of [[glory]] has arrived! <br /> Against us, of [[tyranny]] <br /> The blood-stained standard is raised, <br /> Do you hear in the countryside, <br /> Those blood-thirsty [[soldiers]] ablare? <br /> They're coming right into your arms <br /> To tear the throats of your sons, your wives! <br /><br /> To arms, [[citizens]], <br /> Form up your battalions <br /> March on, march on! <br /> Let blood impure <br /> Water our furrows! ** Variant translations: ** <p> Arise, [[children]] of [[France|the Fatherland]], <br /> The day of [[glory]] has arrived! <br /> Against us [[tyranny]]'s <br /> Bloody banner is raised …<br /> Do you hear, in the countryside, <br /> The roar of those ferocious [[soldiers]]? <br /> They're coming right into your arms <br /> To slaughter your sons, your companions!! </p> <p>To arms, citizens, <br /> Form your battalions, <br /> Let's march, let's march! <br /> Let an impure blood <br /> Soak our fields! </p> ** Ye sons of France, awake to glory!<br>Hark! hark! what myriads bid you rise!<br>Your children, wives, and grandsires hoary,<br>Behold their tears and hear their cries! *To arms! to arms! ye brave!<br>The avenging sword unsheathe!<br>March on! march on! all hearts resolved<br>On victory or death! ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{Commonscat|Claude Joseph Rouget de Lisle}} * [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Od2j0sNet5s La Marseillaise: 'The Greatest National Anthem in the World, Ever' - ''BBC News'' (19 November 2015)] {{DEFAULTSORT:Rouget de Lisle, Claude Joseph}} [[Category:1760 births]] [[Category:1836 deaths]] [[Category:Composers from France]] [[Category:Musicians from France]] [[Category:Playwrights from France]] [[Category:Poets from France]] [[Category:Freemasons]] [[Category:Prisoners]] hqr53l2vy4z2kajdf6m78s5o751xyrk 3779041 3779040 2025-07-15T07:39:28Z Kalki 71 /* La Marseillaise (1792) */ replace dead link 3779041 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Pils rouget lisle chantant marseillaise mb (Musée).jpg|thumb|Arise, [[children]] of [[France|the Fatherland]], <br /> The day of [[glory]] has arrived!]] '''[[w:Claude Joseph Rouget de Lisle|Claude Joseph Rouget de Lisle]]''' ([[10 May]] [[1760]] – [[26 June]] [[1836]]) was a [[w:France|French]] composer who in 1792 wrote ''[[w:La Marseillaise|La Marseillaise]]'', the French [[w:national anthem|national anthem]]. ==Quotes== === ''[[w:La Marseillaise|La Marseillaise]]'' (1792) === [[File:Le Départ des Volontaires (La Marseillaise) par Rude, Arc de Triomphe Etoile Paris.jpg|thumb|To arms, [[citizens]], <br /> Form your battalions, <br /> Let's march, let's march!]] :<small>Originally titled ''Chant de Guerre pour l'Armée du Rhin'' (War Song for the Army of the Rhine) · [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIQSEq6tEVs French National Anthem - "''La Marseillaise''" with French and English lyrics] · [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SEJHJ_WfNgU ''La Marseillaise'' sung in ''Casablanca'' (1942)] · [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JeogNeB0kzU "La Marseillaise" sung by Mireille Mathieu (1988 performance)] + [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7MQ-SC9bmp4 B&W version with English subtitles (1989)]</small> * <p>''Allons enfants de la Patrie, <br /> Le jour de gloire est arrivé! <br /> Contre nous de la tyrannie, <br /> L'étendard sanglant est levé, (bis) <br /> Entendez-vous dans les campagnes <br /> Mugir ces féroces soldats? <br /> Ils viennent jusque dans vos bras <br /> Égorger vos fils, vos compagnes!</p> <p> Aux armes, citoyens, <br /> Formez vos bataillons, <br /> Marchons, marchons! <br /> Qu'un sang impur <br /> Abreuve nos sillons!</p> ** Arise, [[children]] of the Fatherland, <br /> The day of [[glory]] has arrived! <br /> Against us, of [[tyranny]] <br /> The blood-stained standard is raised, <br /> Do you hear in the countryside, <br /> Those blood-thirsty [[soldiers]] ablare? <br /> They're coming right into your arms <br /> To tear the throats of your sons, your wives! <br /><br /> To arms, [[citizens]], <br /> Form up your battalions <br /> March on, march on! <br /> Let blood impure <br /> Water our furrows! ** Variant translations: ** <p> Arise, [[children]] of [[France|the Fatherland]], <br /> The day of [[glory]] has arrived! <br /> Against us [[tyranny]]'s <br /> Bloody banner is raised …<br /> Do you hear, in the countryside, <br /> The roar of those ferocious [[soldiers]]? <br /> They're coming right into your arms <br /> To slaughter your sons, your companions!! </p> <p>To arms, citizens, <br /> Form your battalions, <br /> Let's march, let's march! <br /> Let an impure blood <br /> Soak our fields! </p> ** Ye sons of France, awake to glory!<br>Hark! hark! what myriads bid you rise!<br>Your children, wives, and grandsires hoary,<br>Behold their tears and hear their cries! *To arms! to arms! ye brave!<br>The avenging sword unsheathe!<br>March on! march on! all hearts resolved<br>On victory or death! ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{Commonscat|Claude Joseph Rouget de Lisle}} * [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Od2j0sNet5s La Marseillaise: 'The Greatest National Anthem in the World, Ever' - ''BBC News'' (19 November 2015)] {{DEFAULTSORT:Rouget de Lisle, Claude Joseph}} [[Category:1760 births]] [[Category:1836 deaths]] [[Category:Composers from France]] [[Category:Musicians from France]] [[Category:Playwrights from France]] [[Category:Poets from France]] [[Category:Freemasons]] [[Category:Prisoners]] 0d4htct4o6bq0jf7wd0iqb3bcukftay 0 71979 3778509 3231803 2025-07-14T12:30:57Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Architects]]; added [[Category:Architects from Brazil]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778509 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Oscarniemeyer.jpg|right|thumb|Architecture was my way of expressing my ideals: to be simple, to create a world equal to everyone, to look at people with optimism, that everyone has a gift. I don’t want anything but general happiness. Why is that bad?]] '''[[w:Oscar Niemeyer|Oscar Ribeiro de Almeida Niemeyer Soares Filho]]''' ([[15 December]] [[1907]] – [[5 December]] [[2012]]) was a Brazilian architect of the international modernist school best known for designing civic buildings in [[w:Brasília|Brasília]], a [[w:Planned city|planned city]] which became the capital of Brazil in 1960, and (in collaboration with others) the New York [[w:Headquarters of the United Nations|headquarters of the United Nations]]. == Quotes == [[File:Cathedral Brasilia Niemeyer.JPG|right|thumb|Brasilia Cathedral, Brasilia, 1970]] * It's funny, the power of beauty, to make us forget such injustice. ''É estranho o poder da beleza, que nos faz esquecer tanta injustiça.'' **Quoted in Alberto Xavier, ''Depoimento de uma geração: arquitetura moderna brasileira'' * Humanity needs dreams to endure misery, even if just for an instant.''A humanidade precisa de sonhos para suportar a miséria, nem que seja por um instante.'' **Quoted in Ciro Faro, ''De volta para a terra'' * First were the thick stone walls, the arches, then the domes and vaults — of the architect, searching out for wider spaces.<br>Now it is concrete-reinforced that gives our imagination flight with its soaring spans and uncommon cantilevers. Concrete, to which architecture is integrated, through which it is able to discard the foregone conclusions of rationalism, with its monotony and repetitious solutions.<br>A concern for beauty, a zest for fantasy, and an ever-present element of surprise bear witness that today's architecture is not a minor craft bound to straight-edge rules, but an architecture imbued with technology: light, creative and unfettered, seeking out its architectural scene. ** [http://www.pritzkerprize.com/bunnei.htm#Oscar%20Niemeyer's%20Acceptance%20Speech Acceptance speech, Pritzker Architecture Prize] (1988) * I have always accepted and respected all other schools of architecture, from the chill and elemental structures of [[Ludwig Mies van der Rohe|Mies van der Rohe]] to the imagination and delirium of [[Antonio Gaudi|Gaudi]]. I must design what pleases me in a way that is naturally linked to my roots and the country of my origin. ** Quoted in [http://www.pritzkerprize.com/bunnei.htm#...about%20Oscar%20Niemeyer "Gordon Bunshaft and Oscar Niemeyer: Pritzker Architecture Prize Laureates 1988"], ''pritzkerprize.com'' (1988) [[File:Niteroi Museu de Arte Contemporanea 2005-03-15.jpg|right|thumb|Niterói Contemporary Art Museum, Niterói, Brazil, 1996]] * My work is not about "form follows function," but "form follows beauty" or, even better, "form follows feminine." ** Quoted in Tracy Metz, "'Form Follows Feminine': Niemeyer, 90, Is Still Going Strong," ''Architectural Record'' (December 1997), p. 35 * I deliberately disregarded the right angle and rationalist architecture designed with ruler and square to boldly enter the world of curves and straight lines offered by reinforced concrete.… This deliberate protest arose from the environment in which I lived, with its white beaches, its huge mountains, its old baroque churches, and the beautiful suntanned women. ** ''The Curves of Time: The Memoirs of Oscar Niemeyer'' (2000), p. 62 <!-- London: Phaidon --> * I was attracted by the curve — the liberated, sensual curve suggested by the possibilities of new technology yet so often recalled in venerable old baroque churches. ** ''The Curves of Time: The Memoirs of Oscar Niemeyer'' (2000), p. 169 [[File:Congresso6.jpg|thumb|right|Here, then, is what I wanted to tell you of my architecture. I created it with courage and idealism, but also with an awareness of the fact that what is important is life, friends and attempting to make this unjust world a better place in which to live.]] * Here, then, is what I wanted to tell you of my architecture. I created it with courage and idealism, but also with an awareness of the fact that what is important is life, friends and attempting to make this unjust world a better place in which to live. ** ''The Curves of Time: The Memoirs of Oscar Niemeyer'' (2000), p. 176 * It is not the right angle that attracts me, nor the straight line, hard and inflexible, created by man. What attracts me is the free and sensual curve — the curve that I find in the mountains of my country, in the sinuous course of its rivers, in the body of the beloved woman. ** As quoted in ''Plans, Sections and Elevations : Key Buildings of the Twentieth Century'' (2004) by Richard Weston **Variant translations: <br> It is not the right angle that attracts me,<br>Nor the hard, inflexible straight line, man-made.<br>What attracts me are free and sensual curves.<br>The curves in my country’s mountains,<br>In the sinuous flow of its rivers,<br>In the beloved woman’s body. *** As quoted in [http://www.ft.com/cms/s/0/db740a7a-e897-11db-b2c3-000b5df10621.html?nclick_check=1 "Architect of Optimism"], Angel Gurria-Quintana, ''Financial Times'' (13 April 2007) ** It is not the right angle that attracts me.<br> nor the straight line, tough, inflexible,<br> created by man.<br> what attracts me is the free, sensual curve.<br> the curve I find in the mountains of my country,<br> in the sinuous course of its rivers,<br> in the waves of the sea,<br> in the clouds of the sky,<br> in the body of the favourite woman.<br> Of curves is made all the universe. *** As quoted on a [http://app.tabblo.com/studio/stories/view/122423/?nextnav=favs&navuser=1 Photo page on the Museum of Contemporary Art over Baia da Guanabara] [[File:TeatroCaxias.jpg|right|thumb|Municipal Library, Duque de Caxias, Brazil]] * I had some good opportunities. I was lucky to have had the chance to do things differently. Architecture is about surprise. ** Quoted in "Architect of Optimism," Angel Gurria-Quintana, ''Financial Times'' (13 April 2007) * My ambition has always been to reduce a building’s support to a minimum. The more we diminish supporting structures, the more audacious and important the architecture is. That has been my life’s work. ** Quoted in "Architect of Optimism," Angel Gurria-Quintana, ''Financial Times'' (13 April 2007) [[File:Mão-Niemeyer.jpg|right|thumb|Memorial da América Latina, São Paulo, Brazil, 1987]] * Architecture for me has always begun with drawing. When I was very little my mother said I used to draw in the air with my fingers. I needed a pencil. Once I could hold one, I have drawn every day since. The buildings do appear on paper the way you say, but they are not the result of gratuitous brushstrokes. The pencil is guided by so many thoughts stored away in my mental library. But, when I have looked at the site for a building, considered its budget and thought of how it might be built, and what it might be, the drawings come very quickly. I pick up my pen. It flows. A building appears. There it is. There is nothing more to say. * Brasilia was a wonderful time [...] I designed a wooden cabin for us to live in - me, engineers, visiting friends and [[w:Juscelino Kubitschek|JK]] himself. We called it [[w:Catetinho|Catetinho]] [a national monument today]. JK flew out to join us in the savannah as we built his city. We went to the same dances and bars as the workers. This was a liberating time. It seemed as if a new society was being born, with all the traditional barriers cast aside. It didn't work. Now, Brasilia is too big. The developers, the capitalists are there, dividing society and spoiling the city. Brasilia should stop. * When people ask me if I take pleasure in the idea of someone looking at my buildings in the future, I tell them that this person will vanish, too. Everything has a beginning and an end. You. Me. Architecture. We must try to do the best we can, but must remain modest. Nothing lasts for very long. ** Quoted by [[w:Jonathan Glancey|Jonathan Glancey]] in [https://www.theguardian.com/artanddesign/2007/aug/01/architecture "'I pick up my pen. A building appears'"] ''The Guardian'' (1 August 2007). [[File:Pra%C3%A7a5.jpg|right|thumb|Homeland Pantheon, Brasilia, 1985]] * Life is very fleeting. It’s important to be gentle and optimistic. We look behind and think what we’ve done in this life has been good. It was simple; it was modest. Everyone creates their own story and moves on. That’s it. I don’t feel particularly important. What we create is not important. We’re very insignificant. * We hated [[w:Bauhaus|Bauhaus]]. It was a bad time in architecture. They just didn’t have any talent. All they had were rules. Even for knives and forks they created rules. [[Pablo Picasso|Picasso]] would never have accepted rules. The house is like a machine? No! The mechanical is ugly. The rule is the worst thing. You just want to break it. * Architecture was my way of expressing my ideals: to be simple, to create a world equal to everyone, to look at people with optimism, that everyone has a gift. I don’t want anything but general happiness. Why is that bad? ** Quoted in Tom Dyckhoff [https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/why-oscar-niemeyer-is-king-of-curves-gsd2kdst0tw "Why Oscar Niemeyer is king of curves"] ''The Times'' (London, 12 December 2007) [[File:Olho Neimayer Curitiba 03 2007.jpg|thumb|Oscar Niemeyer Museum, Curitaba, Brazil, 2002]] ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{Commons|Category:Oscar Niemeyer}} * [http://www.infobrasilia.com.br/bsb_h3i.htm#Oscar%20Niemeyer Niemeyer in Brasília history] * [http://www.artes-curitiba.com/museu-oscar-niemeyer.htm Oscar Niemeyer Museum (in Portuguese)] * [http://www.0lll.com/archgallery2/niemeyer_niteroi/ Contemporary Art Museum, Niteroi] * [http://app.tabblo.com/studio/stories/view/122423/?nextnav=favs&navuser=1 Photos of the Museum of Contemporary Art] * [http://www.pritzkerprize.com/bunnei.htm Pritzker Prize 1988] * [http://www.tudelft.nl/live/binaries/2e2a5b07-3f77-4d71-b1d1-33a897e794aa/doc/Conference%20paper%20Philippou.pdf "Challenging the Hierarchies of the City: Oscar Niemeyer’s Mid-Twentieth-Century Residential Buildings'' by Styliane Philippou] * [http://you-are-here.com/architect/niemeyer.html Oscar Niemeyer's Strick House in Santa Monica] * [http://sketchup.google.com/3dwarehouse/details?mid=ee5263d656c35fa72c42a197550f268a&result=4 Pampulha church in Google Earth] {{DEFAULTSORT:Niemeyer, Oscar}} [[Category:Architects from Brazil]] [[Category:People from Rio de Janeiro]] [[Category:Communists]] [[Category:Atheists]] [[Category:Centenarians]] [[Category:1907 births]] [[Category:2012 deaths]] [[Category:Lenin Peace Prize recipients]] 2nttobc0slqqm6vix7n5dr2a28mortp 0 76421 3779116 3648356 2025-07-15T11:48:16Z SolarisQ 3137151 Formatting 3779116 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Houris on Camelback - 15th century Persia.png|thumb|Houris in [[Jannah|paradise]], riding camels. From a 15th-century Persian manuscript.]] In [[Islam]], the '''[[w:Houri|houri]]''' (Arabic [[Wiktionary:حورية|حورية]], also ''ḥūr'' or ''ḥūrīyah'') refers to splendid beings or celestial virgins who await the saved in [[Jannah|paradise]]. == Quotes == === Quran === * '''وَلَهُمْ فِيهَآ [[w:Houri|أَزْوَٰجٌۭ]] مُّطَهَّرَةٌۭ ۖ وَهُمْ فِيهَا خَـٰلِدُونَ''' ** [http://quran.com/2/25 Quran 2:25] ** Translation: *** They will have pure [[w:Houri|spouses]], and they will be there forever. **** [http://quran.com/2/25?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''إِنَّ أَصْحَـٰبَ ٱلْجَنَّةِ ٱلْيَوْمَ فِى شُغُلٍۢ فَـٰكِهُونَ هُمْ [[w:Houri|وَأَزْوَٰجُهُمْ]] فِى ظِلَـٰلٍ عَلَى ٱلْأَرَآئِكِ مُتَّكِـُٔونَ لَهُمْ فِيهَا فَـٰكِهَةٌۭ وَلَهُم مَّا يَدَّعُونَ سَلَـٰمٌۭ قَوْلًۭا مِّن رَّبٍّۢ رَّحِيمٍۢ''' ** [http://quran.com/36/55-58 Quran 36:55–58] ** Translation: *** Indeed, on that Day the residents of Paradise will be busy enjoying themselves. They and their [[w:Houri|spouses]] will be in ˹cool˺ shade, reclining on ˹canopied˺ couches. There they will have fruits and whatever they desire. And "Peace!" will be ˹their˺ greeting from the Merciful Lord. **** [http://quran.com/36/55-58?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''وَعِندَهُمْ [[w:Houri|قَـٰصِرَٰتُ]] ٱلطَّرْفِ عِينٌۭ كَأَنَّهُنَّ بَيْضٌۭ مَّكْنُونٌۭ''' ** [http://quran.com/37/48-49 Quran 37:48–49] ** Translation: *** And with them will be [[w:Houri|maidens]] of modest gaze and gorgeous eyes, as if they were pristine pearls. **** [http://quran.com/37/48-49?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''وَعِندَهُمْ [[w:Houri|قَـٰصِرَٰتُ]] ٱلطَّرْفِ أَتْرَابٌ هَـٰذَا مَا تُوعَدُونَ لِيَوْمِ ٱلْحِسَابِ إِنَّ هَـٰذَا لَرِزْقُنَا مَا لَهُۥ مِن نَّفَادٍ''' ** [http://quran.com/38/52-54 Quran 38:52–54] ** Translation: *** And with them will be [[w:Houri|maidens]] of modest gaze and equal age. This is what you are promised for the Day of Reckoning. This is indeed Our provision that will never end. **** [http://quran.com/38/52-51?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''وَزَوَّجْنَـٰهُم [[w:Houri|بِحُورٍ]] عِينٍۢ يَدْعُونَ فِيهَا بِكُلِّ فَـٰكِهَةٍ ءَامِنِينَ لَا يَذُوقُونَ فِيهَا ٱلْمَوْتَ إِلَّا ٱلْمَوْتَةَ ٱلْأُولَىٰ''' ** [http://quran.com/44/54-56 Quran 44:54-56] ** Translation: *** And We will pair them to [[w:Houri|maidens]] with gorgeous eyes. There they will call for every fruit in serenity. There they will never taste death, beyond the first death. **** [http://quran.com/44/54-56?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''فِيهِنَّ [[w:Houri|قَـٰصِرَٰتُ]] ٱلطَّرْفِ لَمْ يَطْمِثْهُنَّ إِنسٌۭ قَبْلَهُمْ وَلَا [[w:Jinn|جَآنٌّۭ]] فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ كَأَنَّهُنَّ ٱلْيَاقُوتُ وَٱلْمَرْجَانُ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ هَلْ جَزَآءُ ٱلْإِحْسَـٰنِ إِلَّا ٱلْإِحْسَـٰنُ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ''' ** [http://quran.com/55/56-61 Quran 55:56-61] ** Translation: *** In both ˹Gardens˺ will be [[w:Houri|maidens]] of modest gaze, who no human or [[w:Jinn|jinn]] has ever touched before. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? Those ˹maidens˺ will be ˹as elegant˺ as rubies and coral. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? Is there any reward for goodness except goodness? Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? **** [http://quran.com/55/56-61?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''يَطُوفُ عَلَيْهِمْ وِلْدَٰنٌۭ مُّخَلَّدُونَ بِأَكْوَابٍۢ وَأَبَارِيقَ وَكَأْسٍۢ مِّن مَّعِينٍۢ لَّا يُصَدَّعُونَ عَنْهَا وَلَا يُنزِفُونَ وَفَـٰكِهَةٍۢ مِّمَّا يَتَخَيَّرُونَ وَلَحْمِ طَيْرٍۢ مِّمَّا يَشْتَهُونَ [[w:Houri|وَحُورٌ]] عِينٌۭ كَأَمْثَـٰلِ ٱللُّؤْلُؤِ ٱلْمَكْنُونِ جَزَآءًۢ بِمَا كَانُوا۟ يَعْمَلُونَ''' ** [http://quran.com/56/17-24 Quran 56:17–24] ** Translation: *** They will be waited on by eternal youths with cups, pitchers, and a drink ˹of pure wine˺ from a flowing stream, that will cause them neither headache nor intoxication. ˹They will also be served˺ any fruit they choose and meat from any bird they desire. And ˹they will have˺ [[w:Houri|maidens]] with gorgeous eyes, like pristine pearls, ˹all˺ as a reward for what they used to do. **** [http://quran.com/56/17-24?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''إِنَّآ أَنشَأْنَـٰهُنَّ إِنشَآءًۭ فَجَعَلْنَـٰهُنَّ [[w:Houri|أَبْكَارًا]] عُرُبًا أَتْرَابًۭا لِّأَصْحَـٰبِ ٱلْيَمِينِ ثُلَّةٌۭ مِّنَ ٱلْأَوَّلِينَ وَثُلَّةٌۭ مِّنَ ٱلْـَٔاخِرِينَ''' ** [http://quran.com/56/35-40 Quran 56:35–40] ** Translation: *** Indeed, We will have perfectly created their mates, making them [[w:Houri|virgins]], loving and of equal age, for the people of the right, ˹who will be˺ a multitude from earlier generations and a multitude from later generations. **** [http://quran.com/56/35-40?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''إِنَّ لِلْمُتَّقِينَ مَفَازًا حَدَآئِقَ وَأَعْنَـٰبًۭا [[w:Houri|وَكَوَاعِبَ]] أَتْرَابًۭا وَكَأْسًۭا دِهَاقًۭا لَّا يَسْمَعُونَ فِيهَا لَغْوًۭا وَلَا كِذَّٰبًۭا جَزَآءًۭ مِّن رَّبِّكَ عَطَآءً حِسَابًۭا رَّبِّ ٱلسَّمَـٰوَٰتِ وَٱلْأَرْضِ وَمَا بَيْنَهُمَا ٱلرَّحْمَـٰنِ''' ** [http://quran.com/78/31-37 Quran 78:31–37] ** Translation: *** Indeed, the righteous will have salvation—gardens, vineyards, and full-bosomed [[w:Houri|maidens]] of equal age, and full cups ˹of pure wine˺, never to hear any idle talk or lying therein—a ˹fitting˺ reward as a generous gift from your Lord, the Lord of the heavens and the earth and everything in between, the Most Compassionate. **** [http://quran.com/78/31-37?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''فِيهِنَّ خَيْرَٰتٌ حِسَانٌۭ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ [[w:Houri|حُورٌۭ]] مَّقْصُورَٰتٌۭ فِى ٱلْخِيَامِ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ لَمْ يَطْمِثْهُنَّ إِنسٌۭ قَبْلَهُمْ وَلَا [[w:Jinn|جَآنٌّۭ]] فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ مُتَّكِـِٔينَ عَلَىٰ رَفْرَفٍ خُضْرٍۢ وَعَبْقَرِىٍّ حِسَانٍۢ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ تَبَـٰرَكَ ٱسْمُ رَبِّكَ ذِى ٱلْجَلَـٰلِ وَٱلْإِكْرَامِ''' ** [http://quran.com/55/62-78 Quran 55:70–78] ** Translation: *** In all Gardens will be noble, pleasant mates. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? ˹They will be˺ [[w:Houri|maidens]] with gorgeous eyes, reserved in pavilions. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? No human or [[w:Jinn|jinn]] has ever touched these ˹maidens˺ before. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? All ˹believers˺ will be reclining on green cushions and splendid carpets. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? Blessed is the Name of your Lord, full of Majesty and Honour. **** [http://quran.com/55/70-78?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] === Poetry === * 'Twas on the sixth of June, about the hour<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;Of half-past six—perhaps still nearer seven—<br>When Julia sate within as pretty a bower<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;As e'er held [[w:Houri|houri]] in that heathenish [[Jannah|heaven]]<br>Described by [[Mahomet]], and [[Anacreon]] [[Thomas Moore|Moore]],<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;To whom the lyre and laurels have been given,<br>With all the trophies of triumphant song—<br>He won them well, and may he wear them long! ** [[Lord Byron]], ''Don Juan'', Canto I * What pictures to the taster rise,<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;Of Dervish or of Almeh dances!<br>Of Eblis, or of [[Jannah|Paradise]],<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;Set all aglow with [[w:Houri|Houri]] glances! ** [[John Greenleaf Whittier]], "The Haschish" (1854) * He moves a mighty turban on the timeless [[w:Houri|houri]]'s knees,<br>His turban that is woven of the sunset and the seas. ** [[G. K. Chesterton]], "Lepanto" (1911) * Thy wife or thy daughter, that Eastern [[w:Houri|houri]] that thou lockest under thy arm as thou wouldst thy treasure-casket? ** Sir [[Walter Scott]], ''Ivanhoe'' (1820), Chapter VII === Literature === * Then the lady took the cup, and drank it off to her sisters' health, and they ceased not drinking (the Porter being in the midst of them), and dancing and laughing and reciting verses and singing ballads and ritornellos. All this time the Porter was carrying on with them, kissing, toying, biting, handling, groping, fingering; whilst one thrust a dainty morsel in his mouth, and another slapped him; and this cuffed his cheeks, and that threw sweet flowers at him; and he was in the very paradise of pleasure, as though he were sitting in the seventh sphere among the [[w:Houri|Houris]] of [[Jannah|Heaven]]. ** [[w:List of stories within One Thousand and One Nights|''The Porter and the Three Ladies of Baghdad'']] (tr. [[Richard Francis Burton|R. F. Burton]]) === Commentary === * The blessed [http://quran.com/55/56 Verse 56] treats of the six Blessing – chaste [[w:Houri|spouses]] in [[Jannah|Paradise]]. The blessed Verse is saying that there shall be women in those palaces in Paradise who restraining their glances solely look at their husbands and love no one but them and no [[w:Jinn|jinni]] or man has ever touched them. Thus, they shall be virgin and undefiled in any respect.<p>It is narrated on the authority of [[w:Abu Dharr al-Ghifari|Abudhar Ghaffari]] that the woman in Paradise shall say unto her husband:<p>''"By the Glory of my Lord! I find nothing better than you in Paradise. Praise be to [[Allah|God Almighty]] Who married me unto you."'' ** Ayatollah Allamah Al-Hajj Sayyid Kamal Faqih Imani: [http://www.al-islam.org/printpdf/book/export/html/29731 ''An Enlightening Commentary into the Light of the Holy Qur'an'', vol. 17]. Translated by Sayyid Abbas Sadr-'ameli. Al-Islam.org. * It is true that simple-minded religious men have conceived their goal as a state of continued existence beyond the grave filled with all happy things and experiences. But plainly such happy things and experiences were no more than [[Symbolism|symbolic]], and the happy heavens containing such things have the character of myth. To the human mind, fast fettered by the limits of its poor imagination, they stand for and represent the goal. One cannot conceive the inconceivable. So in place of it one puts whatever one can imagine of delight; wine and [[w:Houri|houris]] if one's imagination is limited to these; [[love]], [[kindness]], sweetness of spiritual living if one is of a less materialistic temper. But were these existences and delights, material or spiritual, to be actually found and enjoyed as present, they would be condemned by the saint along with all earthly joys. For they would have upon them the curse, the darkness, the disease, of all existent things, of all that is this or that. This is why we cannot conceive of any particular pleasure, happiness, joy, which would not cloy – which to be quite frank – would not in the end be boring. ** [[Walter Terence Stace]], ''[[w: Time and Eternity (philosophy book)|Time and Eternity]]'' (1952), pp. 6–7. == See also == * [[Jannah]] == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{wiktionary|houri}} [[Category:Islamic mythology]] [[Category:Mythical creatures]] iq0tgzopmwgi8jmzjflz7ivqx7p2tg0 3779117 3779116 2025-07-15T11:48:37Z SolarisQ 3137151 HTTPS links 3779117 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Houris on Camelback - 15th century Persia.png|thumb|Houris in [[Jannah|paradise]], riding camels. From a 15th-century Persian manuscript.]] In [[Islam]], the '''[[w:Houri|houri]]''' (Arabic [[Wiktionary:حورية|حورية]], also ''ḥūr'' or ''ḥūrīyah'') refers to splendid beings or celestial virgins who await the saved in [[Jannah|paradise]]. == Quotes == === Quran === * '''وَلَهُمْ فِيهَآ [[w:Houri|أَزْوَٰجٌۭ]] مُّطَهَّرَةٌۭ ۖ وَهُمْ فِيهَا خَـٰلِدُونَ''' ** [https://quran.com/2/25 Quran 2:25] ** Translation: *** They will have pure [[w:Houri|spouses]], and they will be there forever. **** [https://quran.com/2/25?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''إِنَّ أَصْحَـٰبَ ٱلْجَنَّةِ ٱلْيَوْمَ فِى شُغُلٍۢ فَـٰكِهُونَ هُمْ [[w:Houri|وَأَزْوَٰجُهُمْ]] فِى ظِلَـٰلٍ عَلَى ٱلْأَرَآئِكِ مُتَّكِـُٔونَ لَهُمْ فِيهَا فَـٰكِهَةٌۭ وَلَهُم مَّا يَدَّعُونَ سَلَـٰمٌۭ قَوْلًۭا مِّن رَّبٍّۢ رَّحِيمٍۢ''' ** [https://quran.com/36/55-58 Quran 36:55–58] ** Translation: *** Indeed, on that Day the residents of Paradise will be busy enjoying themselves. They and their [[w:Houri|spouses]] will be in ˹cool˺ shade, reclining on ˹canopied˺ couches. There they will have fruits and whatever they desire. And "Peace!" will be ˹their˺ greeting from the Merciful Lord. **** [https://quran.com/36/55-58?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''وَعِندَهُمْ [[w:Houri|قَـٰصِرَٰتُ]] ٱلطَّرْفِ عِينٌۭ كَأَنَّهُنَّ بَيْضٌۭ مَّكْنُونٌۭ''' ** [https://quran.com/37/48-49 Quran 37:48–49] ** Translation: *** And with them will be [[w:Houri|maidens]] of modest gaze and gorgeous eyes, as if they were pristine pearls. **** [https://quran.com/37/48-49?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''وَعِندَهُمْ [[w:Houri|قَـٰصِرَٰتُ]] ٱلطَّرْفِ أَتْرَابٌ هَـٰذَا مَا تُوعَدُونَ لِيَوْمِ ٱلْحِسَابِ إِنَّ هَـٰذَا لَرِزْقُنَا مَا لَهُۥ مِن نَّفَادٍ''' ** [https://quran.com/38/52-54 Quran 38:52–54] ** Translation: *** And with them will be [[w:Houri|maidens]] of modest gaze and equal age. This is what you are promised for the Day of Reckoning. This is indeed Our provision that will never end. **** [https://quran.com/38/52-51?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''وَزَوَّجْنَـٰهُم [[w:Houri|بِحُورٍ]] عِينٍۢ يَدْعُونَ فِيهَا بِكُلِّ فَـٰكِهَةٍ ءَامِنِينَ لَا يَذُوقُونَ فِيهَا ٱلْمَوْتَ إِلَّا ٱلْمَوْتَةَ ٱلْأُولَىٰ''' ** [https://quran.com/44/54-56 Quran 44:54-56] ** Translation: *** And We will pair them to [[w:Houri|maidens]] with gorgeous eyes. There they will call for every fruit in serenity. There they will never taste death, beyond the first death. **** [https://quran.com/44/54-56?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''فِيهِنَّ [[w:Houri|قَـٰصِرَٰتُ]] ٱلطَّرْفِ لَمْ يَطْمِثْهُنَّ إِنسٌۭ قَبْلَهُمْ وَلَا [[w:Jinn|جَآنٌّۭ]] فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ كَأَنَّهُنَّ ٱلْيَاقُوتُ وَٱلْمَرْجَانُ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ هَلْ جَزَآءُ ٱلْإِحْسَـٰنِ إِلَّا ٱلْإِحْسَـٰنُ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ''' ** [https://quran.com/55/56-61 Quran 55:56-61] ** Translation: *** In both ˹Gardens˺ will be [[w:Houri|maidens]] of modest gaze, who no human or [[w:Jinn|jinn]] has ever touched before. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? Those ˹maidens˺ will be ˹as elegant˺ as rubies and coral. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? Is there any reward for goodness except goodness? Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? **** [https://quran.com/55/56-61?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''يَطُوفُ عَلَيْهِمْ وِلْدَٰنٌۭ مُّخَلَّدُونَ بِأَكْوَابٍۢ وَأَبَارِيقَ وَكَأْسٍۢ مِّن مَّعِينٍۢ لَّا يُصَدَّعُونَ عَنْهَا وَلَا يُنزِفُونَ وَفَـٰكِهَةٍۢ مِّمَّا يَتَخَيَّرُونَ وَلَحْمِ طَيْرٍۢ مِّمَّا يَشْتَهُونَ [[w:Houri|وَحُورٌ]] عِينٌۭ كَأَمْثَـٰلِ ٱللُّؤْلُؤِ ٱلْمَكْنُونِ جَزَآءًۢ بِمَا كَانُوا۟ يَعْمَلُونَ''' ** [https://quran.com/56/17-24 Quran 56:17–24] ** Translation: *** They will be waited on by eternal youths with cups, pitchers, and a drink ˹of pure wine˺ from a flowing stream, that will cause them neither headache nor intoxication. ˹They will also be served˺ any fruit they choose and meat from any bird they desire. And ˹they will have˺ [[w:Houri|maidens]] with gorgeous eyes, like pristine pearls, ˹all˺ as a reward for what they used to do. **** [https://quran.com/56/17-24?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''إِنَّآ أَنشَأْنَـٰهُنَّ إِنشَآءًۭ فَجَعَلْنَـٰهُنَّ [[w:Houri|أَبْكَارًا]] عُرُبًا أَتْرَابًۭا لِّأَصْحَـٰبِ ٱلْيَمِينِ ثُلَّةٌۭ مِّنَ ٱلْأَوَّلِينَ وَثُلَّةٌۭ مِّنَ ٱلْـَٔاخِرِينَ''' ** [https://quran.com/56/35-40 Quran 56:35–40] ** Translation: *** Indeed, We will have perfectly created their mates, making them [[w:Houri|virgins]], loving and of equal age, for the people of the right, ˹who will be˺ a multitude from earlier generations and a multitude from later generations. **** [https://quran.com/56/35-40?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''إِنَّ لِلْمُتَّقِينَ مَفَازًا حَدَآئِقَ وَأَعْنَـٰبًۭا [[w:Houri|وَكَوَاعِبَ]] أَتْرَابًۭا وَكَأْسًۭا دِهَاقًۭا لَّا يَسْمَعُونَ فِيهَا لَغْوًۭا وَلَا كِذَّٰبًۭا جَزَآءًۭ مِّن رَّبِّكَ عَطَآءً حِسَابًۭا رَّبِّ ٱلسَّمَـٰوَٰتِ وَٱلْأَرْضِ وَمَا بَيْنَهُمَا ٱلرَّحْمَـٰنِ''' ** [https://quran.com/78/31-37 Quran 78:31–37] ** Translation: *** Indeed, the righteous will have salvation—gardens, vineyards, and full-bosomed [[w:Houri|maidens]] of equal age, and full cups ˹of pure wine˺, never to hear any idle talk or lying therein—a ˹fitting˺ reward as a generous gift from your Lord, the Lord of the heavens and the earth and everything in between, the Most Compassionate. **** [https://quran.com/78/31-37?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''فِيهِنَّ خَيْرَٰتٌ حِسَانٌۭ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ [[w:Houri|حُورٌۭ]] مَّقْصُورَٰتٌۭ فِى ٱلْخِيَامِ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ لَمْ يَطْمِثْهُنَّ إِنسٌۭ قَبْلَهُمْ وَلَا [[w:Jinn|جَآنٌّۭ]] فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ مُتَّكِـِٔينَ عَلَىٰ رَفْرَفٍ خُضْرٍۢ وَعَبْقَرِىٍّ حِسَانٍۢ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ تَبَـٰرَكَ ٱسْمُ رَبِّكَ ذِى ٱلْجَلَـٰلِ وَٱلْإِكْرَامِ''' ** [https://quran.com/55/62-78 Quran 55:70–78] ** Translation: *** In all Gardens will be noble, pleasant mates. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? ˹They will be˺ [[w:Houri|maidens]] with gorgeous eyes, reserved in pavilions. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? No human or [[w:Jinn|jinn]] has ever touched these ˹maidens˺ before. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? All ˹believers˺ will be reclining on green cushions and splendid carpets. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? Blessed is the Name of your Lord, full of Majesty and Honour. **** [https://quran.com/55/70-78?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] === Poetry === * 'Twas on the sixth of June, about the hour<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;Of half-past six—perhaps still nearer seven—<br>When Julia sate within as pretty a bower<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;As e'er held [[w:Houri|houri]] in that heathenish [[Jannah|heaven]]<br>Described by [[Mahomet]], and [[Anacreon]] [[Thomas Moore|Moore]],<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;To whom the lyre and laurels have been given,<br>With all the trophies of triumphant song—<br>He won them well, and may he wear them long! ** [[Lord Byron]], ''Don Juan'', Canto I * What pictures to the taster rise,<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;Of Dervish or of Almeh dances!<br>Of Eblis, or of [[Jannah|Paradise]],<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;Set all aglow with [[w:Houri|Houri]] glances! ** [[John Greenleaf Whittier]], "The Haschish" (1854) * He moves a mighty turban on the timeless [[w:Houri|houri]]'s knees,<br>His turban that is woven of the sunset and the seas. ** [[G. K. Chesterton]], "Lepanto" (1911) * Thy wife or thy daughter, that Eastern [[w:Houri|houri]] that thou lockest under thy arm as thou wouldst thy treasure-casket? ** Sir [[Walter Scott]], ''Ivanhoe'' (1820), Chapter VII === Literature === * Then the lady took the cup, and drank it off to her sisters' health, and they ceased not drinking (the Porter being in the midst of them), and dancing and laughing and reciting verses and singing ballads and ritornellos. All this time the Porter was carrying on with them, kissing, toying, biting, handling, groping, fingering; whilst one thrust a dainty morsel in his mouth, and another slapped him; and this cuffed his cheeks, and that threw sweet flowers at him; and he was in the very paradise of pleasure, as though he were sitting in the seventh sphere among the [[w:Houri|Houris]] of [[Jannah|Heaven]]. ** [[w:List of stories within One Thousand and One Nights|''The Porter and the Three Ladies of Baghdad'']] (tr. [[Richard Francis Burton|R. F. Burton]]) === Commentary === * The blessed [https://quran.com/55/56 Verse 56] treats of the six Blessing – chaste [[w:Houri|spouses]] in [[Jannah|Paradise]]. The blessed Verse is saying that there shall be women in those palaces in Paradise who restraining their glances solely look at their husbands and love no one but them and no [[w:Jinn|jinni]] or man has ever touched them. Thus, they shall be virgin and undefiled in any respect.<p>It is narrated on the authority of [[w:Abu Dharr al-Ghifari|Abudhar Ghaffari]] that the woman in Paradise shall say unto her husband:<p>''"By the Glory of my Lord! I find nothing better than you in Paradise. Praise be to [[Allah|God Almighty]] Who married me unto you."'' ** Ayatollah Allamah Al-Hajj Sayyid Kamal Faqih Imani: [https://www.al-islam.org/printpdf/book/export/html/29731 ''An Enlightening Commentary into the Light of the Holy Qur'an'', vol. 17]. Translated by Sayyid Abbas Sadr-'ameli. Al-Islam.org. * It is true that simple-minded religious men have conceived their goal as a state of continued existence beyond the grave filled with all happy things and experiences. But plainly such happy things and experiences were no more than [[Symbolism|symbolic]], and the happy heavens containing such things have the character of myth. To the human mind, fast fettered by the limits of its poor imagination, they stand for and represent the goal. One cannot conceive the inconceivable. So in place of it one puts whatever one can imagine of delight; wine and [[w:Houri|houris]] if one's imagination is limited to these; [[love]], [[kindness]], sweetness of spiritual living if one is of a less materialistic temper. But were these existences and delights, material or spiritual, to be actually found and enjoyed as present, they would be condemned by the saint along with all earthly joys. For they would have upon them the curse, the darkness, the disease, of all existent things, of all that is this or that. This is why we cannot conceive of any particular pleasure, happiness, joy, which would not cloy – which to be quite frank – would not in the end be boring. ** [[Walter Terence Stace]], ''[[w: Time and Eternity (philosophy book)|Time and Eternity]]'' (1952), pp. 6–7. == See also == * [[Jannah]] == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{wiktionary|houri}} [[Category:Islamic mythology]] [[Category:Mythical creatures]] optn2swq90x8xggdcxjh8wrzmkzd4vp 3779118 3779117 2025-07-15T11:49:02Z SolarisQ 3137151 Used arabic template 3779118 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Houris on Camelback - 15th century Persia.png|thumb|Houris in [[Jannah|paradise]], riding camels. From a 15th-century Persian manuscript.]] In [[Islam]], the '''[[w:Houri|houri]]''' (Arabic [[Wiktionary:حورية|{{arabic|حورية}}]], also ''ḥūr'' or ''ḥūrīyah'') refers to splendid beings or celestial virgins who await the saved in [[Jannah|paradise]]. == Quotes == === Quran === * {{arabic|weight=bold|وَلَهُمْ فِيهَآ [[w:Houri|أَزْوَٰجٌۭ]] مُّطَهَّرَةٌۭ ۖ وَهُمْ فِيهَا خَـٰلِدُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/2/25 Quran 2:25] ** Translation: *** They will have pure [[w:Houri|spouses]], and they will be there forever. **** [https://quran.com/2/25?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|إِنَّ أَصْحَـٰبَ ٱلْجَنَّةِ ٱلْيَوْمَ فِى شُغُلٍۢ فَـٰكِهُونَ هُمْ [[w:Houri|وَأَزْوَٰجُهُمْ]] فِى ظِلَـٰلٍ عَلَى ٱلْأَرَآئِكِ مُتَّكِـُٔونَ لَهُمْ فِيهَا فَـٰكِهَةٌۭ وَلَهُم مَّا يَدَّعُونَ سَلَـٰمٌۭ قَوْلًۭا مِّن رَّبٍّۢ رَّحِيمٍۢ}} ** [https://quran.com/36/55-58 Quran 36:55–58] ** Translation: *** Indeed, on that Day the residents of Paradise will be busy enjoying themselves. They and their [[w:Houri|spouses]] will be in ˹cool˺ shade, reclining on ˹canopied˺ couches. There they will have fruits and whatever they desire. And "Peace!" will be ˹their˺ greeting from the Merciful Lord. **** [https://quran.com/36/55-58?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|وَعِندَهُمْ [[w:Houri|قَـٰصِرَٰتُ]] ٱلطَّرْفِ عِينٌۭ كَأَنَّهُنَّ بَيْضٌۭ مَّكْنُونٌۭ}} ** [https://quran.com/37/48-49 Quran 37:48–49] ** Translation: *** And with them will be [[w:Houri|maidens]] of modest gaze and gorgeous eyes, as if they were pristine pearls. **** [https://quran.com/37/48-49?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|وَعِندَهُمْ [[w:Houri|قَـٰصِرَٰتُ]] ٱلطَّرْفِ أَتْرَابٌ هَـٰذَا مَا تُوعَدُونَ لِيَوْمِ ٱلْحِسَابِ إِنَّ هَـٰذَا لَرِزْقُنَا مَا لَهُۥ مِن نَّفَادٍ}} ** [https://quran.com/38/52-54 Quran 38:52–54] ** Translation: *** And with them will be [[w:Houri|maidens]] of modest gaze and equal age. This is what you are promised for the Day of Reckoning. This is indeed Our provision that will never end. **** [https://quran.com/38/52-51?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|وَزَوَّجْنَـٰهُم [[w:Houri|بِحُورٍ]] عِينٍۢ يَدْعُونَ فِيهَا بِكُلِّ فَـٰكِهَةٍ ءَامِنِينَ لَا يَذُوقُونَ فِيهَا ٱلْمَوْتَ إِلَّا ٱلْمَوْتَةَ ٱلْأُولَىٰ}} ** [https://quran.com/44/54-56 Quran 44:54-56] ** Translation: *** And We will pair them to [[w:Houri|maidens]] with gorgeous eyes. There they will call for every fruit in serenity. There they will never taste death, beyond the first death. **** [https://quran.com/44/54-56?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|فِيهِنَّ [[w:Houri|قَـٰصِرَٰتُ]] ٱلطَّرْفِ لَمْ يَطْمِثْهُنَّ إِنسٌۭ قَبْلَهُمْ وَلَا [[w:Jinn|جَآنٌّۭ]] فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ كَأَنَّهُنَّ ٱلْيَاقُوتُ وَٱلْمَرْجَانُ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ هَلْ جَزَآءُ ٱلْإِحْسَـٰنِ إِلَّا ٱلْإِحْسَـٰنُ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ}} ** [https://quran.com/55/56-61 Quran 55:56-61] ** Translation: *** In both ˹Gardens˺ will be [[w:Houri|maidens]] of modest gaze, who no human or [[w:Jinn|jinn]] has ever touched before. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? Those ˹maidens˺ will be ˹as elegant˺ as rubies and coral. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? Is there any reward for goodness except goodness? Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? **** [https://quran.com/55/56-61?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|يَطُوفُ عَلَيْهِمْ وِلْدَٰنٌۭ مُّخَلَّدُونَ بِأَكْوَابٍۢ وَأَبَارِيقَ وَكَأْسٍۢ مِّن مَّعِينٍۢ لَّا يُصَدَّعُونَ عَنْهَا وَلَا يُنزِفُونَ وَفَـٰكِهَةٍۢ مِّمَّا يَتَخَيَّرُونَ وَلَحْمِ طَيْرٍۢ مِّمَّا يَشْتَهُونَ [[w:Houri|وَحُورٌ]] عِينٌۭ كَأَمْثَـٰلِ ٱللُّؤْلُؤِ ٱلْمَكْنُونِ جَزَآءًۢ بِمَا كَانُوا۟ يَعْمَلُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/56/17-24 Quran 56:17–24] ** Translation: *** They will be waited on by eternal youths with cups, pitchers, and a drink ˹of pure wine˺ from a flowing stream, that will cause them neither headache nor intoxication. ˹They will also be served˺ any fruit they choose and meat from any bird they desire. And ˹they will have˺ [[w:Houri|maidens]] with gorgeous eyes, like pristine pearls, ˹all˺ as a reward for what they used to do. **** [https://quran.com/56/17-24?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|إِنَّآ أَنشَأْنَـٰهُنَّ إِنشَآءًۭ فَجَعَلْنَـٰهُنَّ [[w:Houri|أَبْكَارًا]] عُرُبًا أَتْرَابًۭا لِّأَصْحَـٰبِ ٱلْيَمِينِ ثُلَّةٌۭ مِّنَ ٱلْأَوَّلِينَ وَثُلَّةٌۭ مِّنَ ٱلْـَٔاخِرِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/56/35-40 Quran 56:35–40] ** Translation: *** Indeed, We will have perfectly created their mates, making them [[w:Houri|virgins]], loving and of equal age, for the people of the right, ˹who will be˺ a multitude from earlier generations and a multitude from later generations. **** [https://quran.com/56/35-40?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|إِنَّ لِلْمُتَّقِينَ مَفَازًا حَدَآئِقَ وَأَعْنَـٰبًۭا [[w:Houri|وَكَوَاعِبَ]] أَتْرَابًۭا وَكَأْسًۭا دِهَاقًۭا لَّا يَسْمَعُونَ فِيهَا لَغْوًۭا وَلَا كِذَّٰبًۭا جَزَآءًۭ مِّن رَّبِّكَ عَطَآءً حِسَابًۭا رَّبِّ ٱلسَّمَـٰوَٰتِ وَٱلْأَرْضِ وَمَا بَيْنَهُمَا ٱلرَّحْمَـٰنِ}} ** [https://quran.com/78/31-37 Quran 78:31–37] ** Translation: *** Indeed, the righteous will have salvation—gardens, vineyards, and full-bosomed [[w:Houri|maidens]] of equal age, and full cups ˹of pure wine˺, never to hear any idle talk or lying therein—a ˹fitting˺ reward as a generous gift from your Lord, the Lord of the heavens and the earth and everything in between, the Most Compassionate. **** [https://quran.com/78/31-37?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|فِيهِنَّ خَيْرَٰتٌ حِسَانٌۭ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ [[w:Houri|حُورٌۭ]] مَّقْصُورَٰتٌۭ فِى ٱلْخِيَامِ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ لَمْ يَطْمِثْهُنَّ إِنسٌۭ قَبْلَهُمْ وَلَا [[w:Jinn|جَآنٌّۭ]] فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ مُتَّكِـِٔينَ عَلَىٰ رَفْرَفٍ خُضْرٍۢ وَعَبْقَرِىٍّ حِسَانٍۢ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ تَبَـٰرَكَ ٱسْمُ رَبِّكَ ذِى ٱلْجَلَـٰلِ وَٱلْإِكْرَامِ}} ** [https://quran.com/55/62-78 Quran 55:70–78] ** Translation: *** In all Gardens will be noble, pleasant mates. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? ˹They will be˺ [[w:Houri|maidens]] with gorgeous eyes, reserved in pavilions. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? No human or [[w:Jinn|jinn]] has ever touched these ˹maidens˺ before. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? All ˹believers˺ will be reclining on green cushions and splendid carpets. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? Blessed is the Name of your Lord, full of Majesty and Honour. **** [https://quran.com/55/70-78?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] === Poetry === * 'Twas on the sixth of June, about the hour<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;Of half-past six—perhaps still nearer seven—<br>When Julia sate within as pretty a bower<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;As e'er held [[w:Houri|houri]] in that heathenish [[Jannah|heaven]]<br>Described by [[Mahomet]], and [[Anacreon]] [[Thomas Moore|Moore]],<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;To whom the lyre and laurels have been given,<br>With all the trophies of triumphant song—<br>He won them well, and may he wear them long! ** [[Lord Byron]], ''Don Juan'', Canto I * What pictures to the taster rise,<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;Of Dervish or of Almeh dances!<br>Of Eblis, or of [[Jannah|Paradise]],<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;Set all aglow with [[w:Houri|Houri]] glances! ** [[John Greenleaf Whittier]], "The Haschish" (1854) * He moves a mighty turban on the timeless [[w:Houri|houri]]'s knees,<br>His turban that is woven of the sunset and the seas. ** [[G. K. Chesterton]], "Lepanto" (1911) * Thy wife or thy daughter, that Eastern [[w:Houri|houri]] that thou lockest under thy arm as thou wouldst thy treasure-casket? ** Sir [[Walter Scott]], ''Ivanhoe'' (1820), Chapter VII === Literature === * Then the lady took the cup, and drank it off to her sisters' health, and they ceased not drinking (the Porter being in the midst of them), and dancing and laughing and reciting verses and singing ballads and ritornellos. All this time the Porter was carrying on with them, kissing, toying, biting, handling, groping, fingering; whilst one thrust a dainty morsel in his mouth, and another slapped him; and this cuffed his cheeks, and that threw sweet flowers at him; and he was in the very paradise of pleasure, as though he were sitting in the seventh sphere among the [[w:Houri|Houris]] of [[Jannah|Heaven]]. ** [[w:List of stories within One Thousand and One Nights|''The Porter and the Three Ladies of Baghdad'']] (tr. [[Richard Francis Burton|R. F. Burton]]) === Commentary === * The blessed [https://quran.com/55/56 Verse 56] treats of the six Blessing – chaste [[w:Houri|spouses]] in [[Jannah|Paradise]]. The blessed Verse is saying that there shall be women in those palaces in Paradise who restraining their glances solely look at their husbands and love no one but them and no [[w:Jinn|jinni]] or man has ever touched them. Thus, they shall be virgin and undefiled in any respect.<p>It is narrated on the authority of [[w:Abu Dharr al-Ghifari|Abudhar Ghaffari]] that the woman in Paradise shall say unto her husband:<p>''"By the Glory of my Lord! I find nothing better than you in Paradise. Praise be to [[Allah|God Almighty]] Who married me unto you."'' ** Ayatollah Allamah Al-Hajj Sayyid Kamal Faqih Imani: [https://www.al-islam.org/printpdf/book/export/html/29731 ''An Enlightening Commentary into the Light of the Holy Qur'an'', vol. 17]. Translated by Sayyid Abbas Sadr-'ameli. Al-Islam.org. * It is true that simple-minded religious men have conceived their goal as a state of continued existence beyond the grave filled with all happy things and experiences. But plainly such happy things and experiences were no more than [[Symbolism|symbolic]], and the happy heavens containing such things have the character of myth. To the human mind, fast fettered by the limits of its poor imagination, they stand for and represent the goal. One cannot conceive the inconceivable. So in place of it one puts whatever one can imagine of delight; wine and [[w:Houri|houris]] if one's imagination is limited to these; [[love]], [[kindness]], sweetness of spiritual living if one is of a less materialistic temper. But were these existences and delights, material or spiritual, to be actually found and enjoyed as present, they would be condemned by the saint along with all earthly joys. For they would have upon them the curse, the darkness, the disease, of all existent things, of all that is this or that. This is why we cannot conceive of any particular pleasure, happiness, joy, which would not cloy – which to be quite frank – would not in the end be boring. ** [[Walter Terence Stace]], ''[[w: Time and Eternity (philosophy book)|Time and Eternity]]'' (1952), pp. 6–7. == See also == * [[Jannah]] == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{wiktionary|houri}} [[Category:Islamic mythology]] [[Category:Mythical creatures]] t7520ivzlwt1oh9yn2t3cfumnx5368o 3779119 3779118 2025-07-15T11:49:21Z SolarisQ 3137151 Right-aligned text 3779119 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Houris on Camelback - 15th century Persia.png|thumb|Houris in [[Jannah|paradise]], riding camels. From a 15th-century Persian manuscript.]] In [[Islam]], the '''[[w:Houri|houri]]''' (Arabic [[Wiktionary:حورية|{{arabic|حورية}}]], also ''ḥūr'' or ''ḥūrīyah'') refers to splendid beings or celestial virgins who await the saved in [[Jannah|paradise]]. == Quotes == === Quran === * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|وَلَهُمْ فِيهَآ [[w:Houri|أَزْوَٰجٌۭ]] مُّطَهَّرَةٌۭ ۖ وَهُمْ فِيهَا خَـٰلِدُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/2/25 Quran 2:25] ** Translation: *** They will have pure [[w:Houri|spouses]], and they will be there forever. **** [https://quran.com/2/25?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|إِنَّ أَصْحَـٰبَ ٱلْجَنَّةِ ٱلْيَوْمَ فِى شُغُلٍۢ فَـٰكِهُونَ هُمْ [[w:Houri|وَأَزْوَٰجُهُمْ]] فِى ظِلَـٰلٍ عَلَى ٱلْأَرَآئِكِ مُتَّكِـُٔونَ لَهُمْ فِيهَا فَـٰكِهَةٌۭ وَلَهُم مَّا يَدَّعُونَ سَلَـٰمٌۭ قَوْلًۭا مِّن رَّبٍّۢ رَّحِيمٍۢ}} ** [https://quran.com/36/55-58 Quran 36:55–58] ** Translation: *** Indeed, on that Day the residents of Paradise will be busy enjoying themselves. They and their [[w:Houri|spouses]] will be in ˹cool˺ shade, reclining on ˹canopied˺ couches. There they will have fruits and whatever they desire. And "Peace!" will be ˹their˺ greeting from the Merciful Lord. **** [https://quran.com/36/55-58?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|وَعِندَهُمْ [[w:Houri|قَـٰصِرَٰتُ]] ٱلطَّرْفِ عِينٌۭ كَأَنَّهُنَّ بَيْضٌۭ مَّكْنُونٌۭ}} ** [https://quran.com/37/48-49 Quran 37:48–49] ** Translation: *** And with them will be [[w:Houri|maidens]] of modest gaze and gorgeous eyes, as if they were pristine pearls. **** [https://quran.com/37/48-49?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|وَعِندَهُمْ [[w:Houri|قَـٰصِرَٰتُ]] ٱلطَّرْفِ أَتْرَابٌ هَـٰذَا مَا تُوعَدُونَ لِيَوْمِ ٱلْحِسَابِ إِنَّ هَـٰذَا لَرِزْقُنَا مَا لَهُۥ مِن نَّفَادٍ}} ** [https://quran.com/38/52-54 Quran 38:52–54] ** Translation: *** And with them will be [[w:Houri|maidens]] of modest gaze and equal age. This is what you are promised for the Day of Reckoning. This is indeed Our provision that will never end. **** [https://quran.com/38/52-51?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|وَزَوَّجْنَـٰهُم [[w:Houri|بِحُورٍ]] عِينٍۢ يَدْعُونَ فِيهَا بِكُلِّ فَـٰكِهَةٍ ءَامِنِينَ لَا يَذُوقُونَ فِيهَا ٱلْمَوْتَ إِلَّا ٱلْمَوْتَةَ ٱلْأُولَىٰ}} ** [https://quran.com/44/54-56 Quran 44:54-56] ** Translation: *** And We will pair them to [[w:Houri|maidens]] with gorgeous eyes. There they will call for every fruit in serenity. There they will never taste death, beyond the first death. **** [https://quran.com/44/54-56?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|فِيهِنَّ [[w:Houri|قَـٰصِرَٰتُ]] ٱلطَّرْفِ لَمْ يَطْمِثْهُنَّ إِنسٌۭ قَبْلَهُمْ وَلَا [[w:Jinn|جَآنٌّۭ]] فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ كَأَنَّهُنَّ ٱلْيَاقُوتُ وَٱلْمَرْجَانُ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ هَلْ جَزَآءُ ٱلْإِحْسَـٰنِ إِلَّا ٱلْإِحْسَـٰنُ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ}} ** [https://quran.com/55/56-61 Quran 55:56-61] ** Translation: *** In both ˹Gardens˺ will be [[w:Houri|maidens]] of modest gaze, who no human or [[w:Jinn|jinn]] has ever touched before. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? Those ˹maidens˺ will be ˹as elegant˺ as rubies and coral. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? Is there any reward for goodness except goodness? Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? **** [https://quran.com/55/56-61?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|يَطُوفُ عَلَيْهِمْ وِلْدَٰنٌۭ مُّخَلَّدُونَ بِأَكْوَابٍۢ وَأَبَارِيقَ وَكَأْسٍۢ مِّن مَّعِينٍۢ لَّا يُصَدَّعُونَ عَنْهَا وَلَا يُنزِفُونَ وَفَـٰكِهَةٍۢ مِّمَّا يَتَخَيَّرُونَ وَلَحْمِ طَيْرٍۢ مِّمَّا يَشْتَهُونَ [[w:Houri|وَحُورٌ]] عِينٌۭ كَأَمْثَـٰلِ ٱللُّؤْلُؤِ ٱلْمَكْنُونِ جَزَآءًۢ بِمَا كَانُوا۟ يَعْمَلُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/56/17-24 Quran 56:17–24] ** Translation: *** They will be waited on by eternal youths with cups, pitchers, and a drink ˹of pure wine˺ from a flowing stream, that will cause them neither headache nor intoxication. ˹They will also be served˺ any fruit they choose and meat from any bird they desire. And ˹they will have˺ [[w:Houri|maidens]] with gorgeous eyes, like pristine pearls, ˹all˺ as a reward for what they used to do. **** [https://quran.com/56/17-24?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|إِنَّآ أَنشَأْنَـٰهُنَّ إِنشَآءًۭ فَجَعَلْنَـٰهُنَّ [[w:Houri|أَبْكَارًا]] عُرُبًا أَتْرَابًۭا لِّأَصْحَـٰبِ ٱلْيَمِينِ ثُلَّةٌۭ مِّنَ ٱلْأَوَّلِينَ وَثُلَّةٌۭ مِّنَ ٱلْـَٔاخِرِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/56/35-40 Quran 56:35–40] ** Translation: *** Indeed, We will have perfectly created their mates, making them [[w:Houri|virgins]], loving and of equal age, for the people of the right, ˹who will be˺ a multitude from earlier generations and a multitude from later generations. **** [https://quran.com/56/35-40?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|إِنَّ لِلْمُتَّقِينَ مَفَازًا حَدَآئِقَ وَأَعْنَـٰبًۭا [[w:Houri|وَكَوَاعِبَ]] أَتْرَابًۭا وَكَأْسًۭا دِهَاقًۭا لَّا يَسْمَعُونَ فِيهَا لَغْوًۭا وَلَا كِذَّٰبًۭا جَزَآءًۭ مِّن رَّبِّكَ عَطَآءً حِسَابًۭا رَّبِّ ٱلسَّمَـٰوَٰتِ وَٱلْأَرْضِ وَمَا بَيْنَهُمَا ٱلرَّحْمَـٰنِ}} ** [https://quran.com/78/31-37 Quran 78:31–37] ** Translation: *** Indeed, the righteous will have salvation—gardens, vineyards, and full-bosomed [[w:Houri|maidens]] of equal age, and full cups ˹of pure wine˺, never to hear any idle talk or lying therein—a ˹fitting˺ reward as a generous gift from your Lord, the Lord of the heavens and the earth and everything in between, the Most Compassionate. **** [https://quran.com/78/31-37?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|فِيهِنَّ خَيْرَٰتٌ حِسَانٌۭ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ [[w:Houri|حُورٌۭ]] مَّقْصُورَٰتٌۭ فِى ٱلْخِيَامِ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ لَمْ يَطْمِثْهُنَّ إِنسٌۭ قَبْلَهُمْ وَلَا [[w:Jinn|جَآنٌّۭ]] فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ مُتَّكِـِٔينَ عَلَىٰ رَفْرَفٍ خُضْرٍۢ وَعَبْقَرِىٍّ حِسَانٍۢ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ تَبَـٰرَكَ ٱسْمُ رَبِّكَ ذِى ٱلْجَلَـٰلِ وَٱلْإِكْرَامِ}} ** [https://quran.com/55/62-78 Quran 55:70–78] ** Translation: *** In all Gardens will be noble, pleasant mates. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? ˹They will be˺ [[w:Houri|maidens]] with gorgeous eyes, reserved in pavilions. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? No human or [[w:Jinn|jinn]] has ever touched these ˹maidens˺ before. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? All ˹believers˺ will be reclining on green cushions and splendid carpets. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? Blessed is the Name of your Lord, full of Majesty and Honour. **** [https://quran.com/55/70-78?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] === Poetry === * 'Twas on the sixth of June, about the hour<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;Of half-past six—perhaps still nearer seven—<br>When Julia sate within as pretty a bower<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;As e'er held [[w:Houri|houri]] in that heathenish [[Jannah|heaven]]<br>Described by [[Mahomet]], and [[Anacreon]] [[Thomas Moore|Moore]],<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;To whom the lyre and laurels have been given,<br>With all the trophies of triumphant song—<br>He won them well, and may he wear them long! ** [[Lord Byron]], ''Don Juan'', Canto I * What pictures to the taster rise,<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;Of Dervish or of Almeh dances!<br>Of Eblis, or of [[Jannah|Paradise]],<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;Set all aglow with [[w:Houri|Houri]] glances! ** [[John Greenleaf Whittier]], "The Haschish" (1854) * He moves a mighty turban on the timeless [[w:Houri|houri]]'s knees,<br>His turban that is woven of the sunset and the seas. ** [[G. K. Chesterton]], "Lepanto" (1911) * Thy wife or thy daughter, that Eastern [[w:Houri|houri]] that thou lockest under thy arm as thou wouldst thy treasure-casket? ** Sir [[Walter Scott]], ''Ivanhoe'' (1820), Chapter VII === Literature === * Then the lady took the cup, and drank it off to her sisters' health, and they ceased not drinking (the Porter being in the midst of them), and dancing and laughing and reciting verses and singing ballads and ritornellos. All this time the Porter was carrying on with them, kissing, toying, biting, handling, groping, fingering; whilst one thrust a dainty morsel in his mouth, and another slapped him; and this cuffed his cheeks, and that threw sweet flowers at him; and he was in the very paradise of pleasure, as though he were sitting in the seventh sphere among the [[w:Houri|Houris]] of [[Jannah|Heaven]]. ** [[w:List of stories within One Thousand and One Nights|''The Porter and the Three Ladies of Baghdad'']] (tr. [[Richard Francis Burton|R. F. Burton]]) === Commentary === * The blessed [https://quran.com/55/56 Verse 56] treats of the six Blessing – chaste [[w:Houri|spouses]] in [[Jannah|Paradise]]. The blessed Verse is saying that there shall be women in those palaces in Paradise who restraining their glances solely look at their husbands and love no one but them and no [[w:Jinn|jinni]] or man has ever touched them. Thus, they shall be virgin and undefiled in any respect.<p>It is narrated on the authority of [[w:Abu Dharr al-Ghifari|Abudhar Ghaffari]] that the woman in Paradise shall say unto her husband:<p>''"By the Glory of my Lord! I find nothing better than you in Paradise. Praise be to [[Allah|God Almighty]] Who married me unto you."'' ** Ayatollah Allamah Al-Hajj Sayyid Kamal Faqih Imani: [https://www.al-islam.org/printpdf/book/export/html/29731 ''An Enlightening Commentary into the Light of the Holy Qur'an'', vol. 17]. Translated by Sayyid Abbas Sadr-'ameli. Al-Islam.org. * It is true that simple-minded religious men have conceived their goal as a state of continued existence beyond the grave filled with all happy things and experiences. But plainly such happy things and experiences were no more than [[Symbolism|symbolic]], and the happy heavens containing such things have the character of myth. To the human mind, fast fettered by the limits of its poor imagination, they stand for and represent the goal. One cannot conceive the inconceivable. So in place of it one puts whatever one can imagine of delight; wine and [[w:Houri|houris]] if one's imagination is limited to these; [[love]], [[kindness]], sweetness of spiritual living if one is of a less materialistic temper. But were these existences and delights, material or spiritual, to be actually found and enjoyed as present, they would be condemned by the saint along with all earthly joys. For they would have upon them the curse, the darkness, the disease, of all existent things, of all that is this or that. This is why we cannot conceive of any particular pleasure, happiness, joy, which would not cloy – which to be quite frank – would not in the end be boring. ** [[Walter Terence Stace]], ''[[w: Time and Eternity (philosophy book)|Time and Eternity]]'' (1952), pp. 6–7. == See also == * [[Jannah]] == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{wiktionary|houri}} [[Category:Islamic mythology]] [[Category:Mythical creatures]] ohyw8uso98wz7qnngw81gz0vkopzyhc 3779120 3779119 2025-07-15T11:49:40Z SolarisQ 3137151 Unboldened text 3779120 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Houris on Camelback - 15th century Persia.png|thumb|Houris in [[Jannah|paradise]], riding camels. From a 15th-century Persian manuscript.]] In [[Islam]], the '''[[w:Houri|houri]]''' (Arabic [[Wiktionary:حورية|{{arabic|حورية}}]], also ''ḥūr'' or ''ḥūrīyah'') refers to splendid beings or celestial virgins who await the saved in [[Jannah|paradise]]. == Quotes == === Quran === * {{arabic|align=right|وَلَهُمْ فِيهَآ [[w:Houri|أَزْوَٰجٌۭ]] مُّطَهَّرَةٌۭ ۖ وَهُمْ فِيهَا خَـٰلِدُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/2/25 Quran 2:25] ** Translation: *** They will have pure [[w:Houri|spouses]], and they will be there forever. **** [https://quran.com/2/25?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|align=right|إِنَّ أَصْحَـٰبَ ٱلْجَنَّةِ ٱلْيَوْمَ فِى شُغُلٍۢ فَـٰكِهُونَ هُمْ [[w:Houri|وَأَزْوَٰجُهُمْ]] فِى ظِلَـٰلٍ عَلَى ٱلْأَرَآئِكِ مُتَّكِـُٔونَ لَهُمْ فِيهَا فَـٰكِهَةٌۭ وَلَهُم مَّا يَدَّعُونَ سَلَـٰمٌۭ قَوْلًۭا مِّن رَّبٍّۢ رَّحِيمٍۢ}} ** [https://quran.com/36/55-58 Quran 36:55–58] ** Translation: *** Indeed, on that Day the residents of Paradise will be busy enjoying themselves. They and their [[w:Houri|spouses]] will be in ˹cool˺ shade, reclining on ˹canopied˺ couches. There they will have fruits and whatever they desire. And "Peace!" will be ˹their˺ greeting from the Merciful Lord. **** [https://quran.com/36/55-58?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|align=right|وَعِندَهُمْ [[w:Houri|قَـٰصِرَٰتُ]] ٱلطَّرْفِ عِينٌۭ كَأَنَّهُنَّ بَيْضٌۭ مَّكْنُونٌۭ}} ** [https://quran.com/37/48-49 Quran 37:48–49] ** Translation: *** And with them will be [[w:Houri|maidens]] of modest gaze and gorgeous eyes, as if they were pristine pearls. **** [https://quran.com/37/48-49?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|align=right|وَعِندَهُمْ [[w:Houri|قَـٰصِرَٰتُ]] ٱلطَّرْفِ أَتْرَابٌ هَـٰذَا مَا تُوعَدُونَ لِيَوْمِ ٱلْحِسَابِ إِنَّ هَـٰذَا لَرِزْقُنَا مَا لَهُۥ مِن نَّفَادٍ}} ** [https://quran.com/38/52-54 Quran 38:52–54] ** Translation: *** And with them will be [[w:Houri|maidens]] of modest gaze and equal age. This is what you are promised for the Day of Reckoning. This is indeed Our provision that will never end. **** [https://quran.com/38/52-51?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|align=right|وَزَوَّجْنَـٰهُم [[w:Houri|بِحُورٍ]] عِينٍۢ يَدْعُونَ فِيهَا بِكُلِّ فَـٰكِهَةٍ ءَامِنِينَ لَا يَذُوقُونَ فِيهَا ٱلْمَوْتَ إِلَّا ٱلْمَوْتَةَ ٱلْأُولَىٰ}} ** [https://quran.com/44/54-56 Quran 44:54-56] ** Translation: *** And We will pair them to [[w:Houri|maidens]] with gorgeous eyes. There they will call for every fruit in serenity. There they will never taste death, beyond the first death. **** [https://quran.com/44/54-56?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|align=right|فِيهِنَّ [[w:Houri|قَـٰصِرَٰتُ]] ٱلطَّرْفِ لَمْ يَطْمِثْهُنَّ إِنسٌۭ قَبْلَهُمْ وَلَا [[w:Jinn|جَآنٌّۭ]] فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ كَأَنَّهُنَّ ٱلْيَاقُوتُ وَٱلْمَرْجَانُ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ هَلْ جَزَآءُ ٱلْإِحْسَـٰنِ إِلَّا ٱلْإِحْسَـٰنُ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ}} ** [https://quran.com/55/56-61 Quran 55:56-61] ** Translation: *** In both ˹Gardens˺ will be [[w:Houri|maidens]] of modest gaze, who no human or [[w:Jinn|jinn]] has ever touched before. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? Those ˹maidens˺ will be ˹as elegant˺ as rubies and coral. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? Is there any reward for goodness except goodness? Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? **** [https://quran.com/55/56-61?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|align=right|يَطُوفُ عَلَيْهِمْ وِلْدَٰنٌۭ مُّخَلَّدُونَ بِأَكْوَابٍۢ وَأَبَارِيقَ وَكَأْسٍۢ مِّن مَّعِينٍۢ لَّا يُصَدَّعُونَ عَنْهَا وَلَا يُنزِفُونَ وَفَـٰكِهَةٍۢ مِّمَّا يَتَخَيَّرُونَ وَلَحْمِ طَيْرٍۢ مِّمَّا يَشْتَهُونَ [[w:Houri|وَحُورٌ]] عِينٌۭ كَأَمْثَـٰلِ ٱللُّؤْلُؤِ ٱلْمَكْنُونِ جَزَآءًۢ بِمَا كَانُوا۟ يَعْمَلُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/56/17-24 Quran 56:17–24] ** Translation: *** They will be waited on by eternal youths with cups, pitchers, and a drink ˹of pure wine˺ from a flowing stream, that will cause them neither headache nor intoxication. ˹They will also be served˺ any fruit they choose and meat from any bird they desire. And ˹they will have˺ [[w:Houri|maidens]] with gorgeous eyes, like pristine pearls, ˹all˺ as a reward for what they used to do. **** [https://quran.com/56/17-24?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|align=right|إِنَّآ أَنشَأْنَـٰهُنَّ إِنشَآءًۭ فَجَعَلْنَـٰهُنَّ [[w:Houri|أَبْكَارًا]] عُرُبًا أَتْرَابًۭا لِّأَصْحَـٰبِ ٱلْيَمِينِ ثُلَّةٌۭ مِّنَ ٱلْأَوَّلِينَ وَثُلَّةٌۭ مِّنَ ٱلْـَٔاخِرِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/56/35-40 Quran 56:35–40] ** Translation: *** Indeed, We will have perfectly created their mates, making them [[w:Houri|virgins]], loving and of equal age, for the people of the right, ˹who will be˺ a multitude from earlier generations and a multitude from later generations. **** [https://quran.com/56/35-40?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|align=right|إِنَّ لِلْمُتَّقِينَ مَفَازًا حَدَآئِقَ وَأَعْنَـٰبًۭا [[w:Houri|وَكَوَاعِبَ]] أَتْرَابًۭا وَكَأْسًۭا دِهَاقًۭا لَّا يَسْمَعُونَ فِيهَا لَغْوًۭا وَلَا كِذَّٰبًۭا جَزَآءًۭ مِّن رَّبِّكَ عَطَآءً حِسَابًۭا رَّبِّ ٱلسَّمَـٰوَٰتِ وَٱلْأَرْضِ وَمَا بَيْنَهُمَا ٱلرَّحْمَـٰنِ}} ** [https://quran.com/78/31-37 Quran 78:31–37] ** Translation: *** Indeed, the righteous will have salvation—gardens, vineyards, and full-bosomed [[w:Houri|maidens]] of equal age, and full cups ˹of pure wine˺, never to hear any idle talk or lying therein—a ˹fitting˺ reward as a generous gift from your Lord, the Lord of the heavens and the earth and everything in between, the Most Compassionate. **** [https://quran.com/78/31-37?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|align=right|فِيهِنَّ خَيْرَٰتٌ حِسَانٌۭ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ [[w:Houri|حُورٌۭ]] مَّقْصُورَٰتٌۭ فِى ٱلْخِيَامِ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ لَمْ يَطْمِثْهُنَّ إِنسٌۭ قَبْلَهُمْ وَلَا [[w:Jinn|جَآنٌّۭ]] فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ مُتَّكِـِٔينَ عَلَىٰ رَفْرَفٍ خُضْرٍۢ وَعَبْقَرِىٍّ حِسَانٍۢ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ تَبَـٰرَكَ ٱسْمُ رَبِّكَ ذِى ٱلْجَلَـٰلِ وَٱلْإِكْرَامِ}} ** [https://quran.com/55/62-78 Quran 55:70–78] ** Translation: *** In all Gardens will be noble, pleasant mates. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? ˹They will be˺ [[w:Houri|maidens]] with gorgeous eyes, reserved in pavilions. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? No human or [[w:Jinn|jinn]] has ever touched these ˹maidens˺ before. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? All ˹believers˺ will be reclining on green cushions and splendid carpets. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? Blessed is the Name of your Lord, full of Majesty and Honour. **** [https://quran.com/55/70-78?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] === Poetry === * 'Twas on the sixth of June, about the hour<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;Of half-past six—perhaps still nearer seven—<br>When Julia sate within as pretty a bower<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;As e'er held [[w:Houri|houri]] in that heathenish [[Jannah|heaven]]<br>Described by [[Mahomet]], and [[Anacreon]] [[Thomas Moore|Moore]],<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;To whom the lyre and laurels have been given,<br>With all the trophies of triumphant song—<br>He won them well, and may he wear them long! ** [[Lord Byron]], ''Don Juan'', Canto I * What pictures to the taster rise,<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;Of Dervish or of Almeh dances!<br>Of Eblis, or of [[Jannah|Paradise]],<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;Set all aglow with [[w:Houri|Houri]] glances! ** [[John Greenleaf Whittier]], "The Haschish" (1854) * He moves a mighty turban on the timeless [[w:Houri|houri]]'s knees,<br>His turban that is woven of the sunset and the seas. ** [[G. K. Chesterton]], "Lepanto" (1911) * Thy wife or thy daughter, that Eastern [[w:Houri|houri]] that thou lockest under thy arm as thou wouldst thy treasure-casket? ** Sir [[Walter Scott]], ''Ivanhoe'' (1820), Chapter VII === Literature === * Then the lady took the cup, and drank it off to her sisters' health, and they ceased not drinking (the Porter being in the midst of them), and dancing and laughing and reciting verses and singing ballads and ritornellos. All this time the Porter was carrying on with them, kissing, toying, biting, handling, groping, fingering; whilst one thrust a dainty morsel in his mouth, and another slapped him; and this cuffed his cheeks, and that threw sweet flowers at him; and he was in the very paradise of pleasure, as though he were sitting in the seventh sphere among the [[w:Houri|Houris]] of [[Jannah|Heaven]]. ** [[w:List of stories within One Thousand and One Nights|''The Porter and the Three Ladies of Baghdad'']] (tr. [[Richard Francis Burton|R. F. Burton]]) === Commentary === * The blessed [https://quran.com/55/56 Verse 56] treats of the six Blessing – chaste [[w:Houri|spouses]] in [[Jannah|Paradise]]. The blessed Verse is saying that there shall be women in those palaces in Paradise who restraining their glances solely look at their husbands and love no one but them and no [[w:Jinn|jinni]] or man has ever touched them. Thus, they shall be virgin and undefiled in any respect.<p>It is narrated on the authority of [[w:Abu Dharr al-Ghifari|Abudhar Ghaffari]] that the woman in Paradise shall say unto her husband:<p>''"By the Glory of my Lord! I find nothing better than you in Paradise. Praise be to [[Allah|God Almighty]] Who married me unto you."'' ** Ayatollah Allamah Al-Hajj Sayyid Kamal Faqih Imani: [https://www.al-islam.org/printpdf/book/export/html/29731 ''An Enlightening Commentary into the Light of the Holy Qur'an'', vol. 17]. Translated by Sayyid Abbas Sadr-'ameli. Al-Islam.org. * It is true that simple-minded religious men have conceived their goal as a state of continued existence beyond the grave filled with all happy things and experiences. But plainly such happy things and experiences were no more than [[Symbolism|symbolic]], and the happy heavens containing such things have the character of myth. To the human mind, fast fettered by the limits of its poor imagination, they stand for and represent the goal. One cannot conceive the inconceivable. So in place of it one puts whatever one can imagine of delight; wine and [[w:Houri|houris]] if one's imagination is limited to these; [[love]], [[kindness]], sweetness of spiritual living if one is of a less materialistic temper. But were these existences and delights, material or spiritual, to be actually found and enjoyed as present, they would be condemned by the saint along with all earthly joys. For they would have upon them the curse, the darkness, the disease, of all existent things, of all that is this or that. This is why we cannot conceive of any particular pleasure, happiness, joy, which would not cloy – which to be quite frank – would not in the end be boring. ** [[Walter Terence Stace]], ''[[w: Time and Eternity (philosophy book)|Time and Eternity]]'' (1952), pp. 6–7. == See also == * [[Jannah]] == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{wiktionary|houri}} [[Category:Islamic mythology]] [[Category:Mythical creatures]] rxecelhorbnvtoc1id66l3k9ftoid2t 0 80728 3778648 3456224 2025-07-14T13:35:11Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Comedians]]; added [[Category:Comedians from Australia]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778648 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Carl Barron.jpg|thumb|Carl Barron in 2012]] '''[[w:Carl Barron|Carl Barron]]''' (born [[1964]]) is an Australian comedian. His style is based on observational humour. I was asked by a waitress, with a straight face she said "Would you care for an orange juice?". I said "If it needed me". "Is it going to be alright?" == Quotes== ===''Carl Barron Live'' (2003) === *I saw a bloke the other day talking to himself. So I tried to listen but I couldn't hear him. But the weird part is while I was watching him I was going "That bloke's bloody talkin' to himself over there." There's another bloke looking at me going "That bloke's bloody talkin' to himself over there." *I'll never forget the day my mum said "Carl when I was your age I used to go to the movies with a bottle of water and some Sao's." I was thinking "Shit. Mum's a loser." Imagine trying to crack onto someone at the movies. "G'day darl. Got a packet of Sao's. Wash it down with a bottle of water." *Have you ever done those Coca-Cola burps that come out of your nose and eyeballs? You think a burp looks bad! Someone's just thinking "Shit what's wrong with his head." *You know those people who let their yawn out and they keep talkin'. "Yeah Tuesday would be pretty good (continues talking while yawning)" "Yeah no worries." *I love tea. Mmmm. I know I'm getting old because I'm startin' get excited about tea. Just sitting in the loungeroom bored ya no. Somebody goes "You want a cup of tea?" and I go "Oar he hor." Start feeling a little bit depressed when it gets to the bottom, I think to myself I'll just make myself another cup, I can feel happy again. *Sometimes you're talkin' and a little bit of spit flies out. You see it floating in the sky and land on 'em. You both see it happen and you go "Ooooh" you're thinkin' "Woops I got him!" He's thinking "Woops he got me!" But no one says anything. Because it's a secret. If his spit lands on me I don't do anything, I don't wipe it straight away, because I don't wanna embarass them. Hey, I've got his spit on my face and I'm worried about his feelings. You go "Sorry Carl" and I go "Nah, nah it's alright, I love being spat on." *I hate dates. I sit at home all day, and I don't fart once. I go on a date and I've got twenty in the bank straight away. *Do you do those secret farts at the supermarket. Quickly piss off to another aisle. *My friends like to tell me before they fart like it's important. They get really excited, like I wanna know about it. "Jeez I'm gonna fart." "Don't do it in here ya dickhead there's no windows." Or they tell you after they've done it. "I just farted." But nobody ever tell's you while their doing it. That'd be a bit weird going "I'm farting! (Pause) Still goin'!" *My dad was proud of himself when he farted. He sounds like he's strangling a chicken when he farts. ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Barron, Carl}} [[Category:People from Queensland]] [[Category:Comedians from Australia]] [[Category:Living people]] b0zmmxr0q03qwsj46ehak2zxaieorvu 3778649 3778648 2025-07-14T13:35:18Z UDScott 4304 added [[Category:1964 births]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778649 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Carl Barron.jpg|thumb|Carl Barron in 2012]] '''[[w:Carl Barron|Carl Barron]]''' (born [[1964]]) is an Australian comedian. His style is based on observational humour. I was asked by a waitress, with a straight face she said "Would you care for an orange juice?". I said "If it needed me". "Is it going to be alright?" == Quotes== ===''Carl Barron Live'' (2003) === *I saw a bloke the other day talking to himself. So I tried to listen but I couldn't hear him. But the weird part is while I was watching him I was going "That bloke's bloody talkin' to himself over there." There's another bloke looking at me going "That bloke's bloody talkin' to himself over there." *I'll never forget the day my mum said "Carl when I was your age I used to go to the movies with a bottle of water and some Sao's." I was thinking "Shit. Mum's a loser." Imagine trying to crack onto someone at the movies. "G'day darl. Got a packet of Sao's. Wash it down with a bottle of water." *Have you ever done those Coca-Cola burps that come out of your nose and eyeballs? You think a burp looks bad! Someone's just thinking "Shit what's wrong with his head." *You know those people who let their yawn out and they keep talkin'. "Yeah Tuesday would be pretty good (continues talking while yawning)" "Yeah no worries." *I love tea. Mmmm. I know I'm getting old because I'm startin' get excited about tea. Just sitting in the loungeroom bored ya no. Somebody goes "You want a cup of tea?" and I go "Oar he hor." Start feeling a little bit depressed when it gets to the bottom, I think to myself I'll just make myself another cup, I can feel happy again. *Sometimes you're talkin' and a little bit of spit flies out. You see it floating in the sky and land on 'em. You both see it happen and you go "Ooooh" you're thinkin' "Woops I got him!" He's thinking "Woops he got me!" But no one says anything. Because it's a secret. If his spit lands on me I don't do anything, I don't wipe it straight away, because I don't wanna embarass them. Hey, I've got his spit on my face and I'm worried about his feelings. You go "Sorry Carl" and I go "Nah, nah it's alright, I love being spat on." *I hate dates. I sit at home all day, and I don't fart once. I go on a date and I've got twenty in the bank straight away. *Do you do those secret farts at the supermarket. Quickly piss off to another aisle. *My friends like to tell me before they fart like it's important. They get really excited, like I wanna know about it. "Jeez I'm gonna fart." "Don't do it in here ya dickhead there's no windows." Or they tell you after they've done it. "I just farted." But nobody ever tell's you while their doing it. That'd be a bit weird going "I'm farting! (Pause) Still goin'!" *My dad was proud of himself when he farted. He sounds like he's strangling a chicken when he farts. ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Barron, Carl}} [[Category:People from Queensland]] [[Category:Comedians from Australia]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:1964 births]] jwg3w9h2o498jtjvywdvxouksyh4fvh 0 81968 3778651 2922215 2025-07-14T13:35:47Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Comedians]]; added [[Category:Comedians from the United States]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778651 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Jim Breuer|Jim Breuer]]''' (born June 21, 1967) is an American comedian and actor mostly known for his appearance between 1995 and 1998 on [[Saturday Night Live]]. ==Unsourced== * I never would have thought being high in a zoo would lead to that. ** Talking about the character of Goat Boy, in an interview on Mancow's Morning Madhouse * Everything I did on that show was me screwing around in the hallways, running around looking for attention. Joe Pesci, I never said 'Oh, I wanna do the Joe Pesci Show.' It was me, sitting around, bored out of my mind, and just walking the hallways going [Joe Pesci voice] 'Where do you get your ''culios'' big enough to call me...wait, I'm not gonna answer ya! S'ya worryin' about your weight, ya fat bastard, otherwise you wouldn't have problems upstairs doin' ya wife!' And this stoner guy, who was an intern, said 'Hey man, you should do that on [Weekend] Update!' He said, 'Well, "Casino's" coming out, and you should go on as Pesci and have Norm [MacDonald] say he's never heard of it.' Originally, it was me and the stoner intern, and I'd go on and Norm MacDonald's [Norm MacDonald voice] 'Hey, here to see, tell you how to do a movie, is Joe Pesci over here!' And I'd come on, [Joe Pesci voice] 'Hey, blah blah blah blah!' And he goes 'Well, I've never heard of it,' and I knock the crap out of him. And then some writer was like 'Wait wait wait, what are you doing? Hey, I've got an idea for it.' And then we went in... ** Explaining the origin of the Joe Pesci skits in an interview on Mancow's Morning Madhouse * The goat thing, I went out, I was drinking some beers with the writers - writers I couldn't stand, and they didn't like me either. They were all like Harvard, Yale, and [imperious voice] 'We've been studying comedy for seven years, and...we've never been on stage, but we know comedy! Bwahahaha!' So I said 'Listen, I know this is a little out there, but what about a guy...who has Tourette's of a goat?' And these guys just stare at me like 'Man, Breuer's HIGH out of his MIND!' I said 'The more he drinks, the more he starts eating the curtains, and he gets nuts and sings karaoke at the end of the night.' And then about two weeks later, this guy came back, he's like, 'Hey, I've got an idea for that weird goat thing you were talking about.' He said 'What if he only sings 80's?' And I thought that was the DUMBEST...thing I've ever heard in my life! And then, we tried it, and now I've got people drunk out of their minds in a bar trying to 'baa' at me. [drunken voice] 'Hey, man! Yo, yo man, it's the sheep dude right here! [drunken 'baa'ing] I shouldn'ta had that hot dog, man!' Just hammered, baaing at me in the street. ** Explaining the origin of Goat Boy on Mancow's Morning Madhouse ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Breuer, Jim}} [[Category:Comedians from the United States]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:People from New York (state)]] [[Category:Actors from the United States]] [[Category:1967 births]] fl368xerrmvkbopysser8x8py184e8j 0 86214 3778529 3490019 2025-07-14T12:37:41Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Architects]]; added [[Category:Architects from England]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778529 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Hon Mrs Nicholson cropped.jpg|thumb|[[Women]], like [[men]], ought to have their years so glutted with [[freedom]] that they hate the very idea of freedom.]] '''[[w:Vita Sackville-West|Victoria Mary Sackville-West, The Hon Lady Nicolson]]''', CH ([[9 March]] [[1892]] – [[2 June]] [[1962]]), most famous as '''Vita Sackville-West''', was an English poet, novelist and writer on gardening. She is sometimes considered part of the [[w:Bloomsbury Group|Bloomsbury group]], and well known as the inspiration for [[Virginia Woolf]]'s novel ''[[Orlando: A Biography|Orlando: A Biography]]''. == Quotes == [[File:Rose feucht.jpg|thumb|I have no right whatsoever to write down the [[truth]] about my [[life]] involving as it naturally does the lives of so many other [[people]], but I do so urged by a [[necessity]] of truth-telling, because there is no living [[soul]] who knows the complete truth…]] [[File:Faîs'sie d'Cidre 2009 22.jpg|thumb| A man and his tools make a man and his trade.]] [[File:Galatrona Castle GM (2).JPG|thumb|Here the old Bacchic [[piety]] endures, <br /> Here the sweet legends of the [[world]] remain.]] [[File:Laszlo - Vita Sackville-West.jpg|thumb|[[Growth]] is exciting; growth is dynamic and alarming. Growth of the [[soul]], growth of the [[mind]]]] [[File:Hamilton Hamilton Falling Apple Blossoms.jpg|thumb| She walks among the loveliness she made, Between the apple-blossom and the water — She walks among the patterned pied brocade, Each [[flower]] her son, and every [[tree]] her daughter.]] [[File:Vita sackville-west.jpg|thumb|I have come to the conclusion, after many years of sometimes [[sad]] [[experience]], that you cannot come to any conclusion at [[all]].]] [[File:Bundesarchiv Bild 102-11581, Berlin, Damen-Fechtakademie.jpg|thumb|I have some weeks in which to [[steel]] <br /> My [[heart]] and teach myself to [[feel]] <br /> Only a sober tenderness <br /> Where once was [[passion]]'s loveliness.]] [[File:Jean Béraud L'escrimeuse.jpg|thumb| Which does your Church esteem the kinder role, <br /> To kill the body or destroy the [[soul]]?]] [[File:Wushu dao.jpg|thumb|My [[life]] is mine <br /> And theirs presumably theirs, and cannot touch.]] * '''[[Women]], like [[men]], ought to have their years so glutted with [[freedom]] that they hate the very idea of freedom.''' ** Letter to her husband [[w:Harold Nicolson|Harold Nicolson]] (1 June 1919); published in ''Harold and Vita'' (1992), by [[w:Nigel Nicolson|Nigel Nicolson]], p. 89 * '''Of course I have no right whatsoever to write down the [[truth]] about my [[life]] involving as it naturally does the lives of so many other [[people]], but I do so urged by a [[necessity]] of truth-telling, because there is no living [[soul]] who knows the complete truth'''; here, may be one who knows a section; and there, one who knows another section: '''but to the whole picture not one is initiated.''' ** Autobiographical sketch (23 July 1920), published in ''Portrait of a Marriage : Vita Sackville-West and Harold Nicolson'' (1998), p. 3 * '''A man and his tools make a man and his trade.''' ** "A Saxon Song", in ''The Independent'' Vol. 110 (1923); also in ''Collected Poems'' (1934), p. 149 * A man and his land make a man and his creed. ** "A Saxon Song" (1923) * '''A man and his loves make a man and his life.''' ** "A Saxon Song" (1923) * The dusk is heavy with the wine's warm load; <br /> Here the long sense of classic measure cures <br /> The [[spirit]] weary of its difficult [[pain]]; <br /> '''Here the old Bacchic [[piety]] endures, <br /> Here the sweet legends of the [[world]] remain.''' ** "Tuscany" in ''The Best Poems of 1923'' (1924) edited by Thomas Moult * Who could so watch, and not forget the rack <br /> Of wills worn thin and thought become too frail, <br /> Nor roll the centuries back — <br /> And feel the sinews of his soul grow hale, <br /> And know himself for Rome's inheritor? ** "Tuscany" in ''The Best Poems of 1923'' (1924) edited by Thomas Moult * '''If I had only loved your flesh <br /> And careless damned your soul to [[Hell]], <br /> I might have laughed and loved afresh, <br /> And loved as lightly and as well, <br /> And little more to tell.''' ** "Song" in ''The Best Poems of 1923'' (1924) edited by Thomas Moult * '''It is incredible how essential to me you have become.''' I suppose you are accustomed to people saying these things. Damn you, spoilt creature; I shan't make you [[love]] me any the more by giving myself away like this — But oh my dear, I can't be clever and stand-offish with you: I love you too much for that. Too truly. '''You have no idea how stand-offish I can be with people I don't love. I have brought it to a fine art. But you have broken down my defences. And I don't really resent it.''' ** Letter to [[Virginia Woolf]] (21 January 1926), quoted in ''Love Letters : A Romantic Treasury'' (1996) by Rick Smith, p. 78 * It is quite true that you have had infinitely more influence on me intellectually than anyone, and for this alone I love you. ** Letter to [[Virginia Woolf]] (29 January 1927). as quoted in ''Granite and Rainbow : The Hidden Life of Virginia Woolf'' (2000) by Mitchell Leaska, p. 259 * '''It is necessary to write, if the days are not to slip emptily by.''' How else, indeed, to clap the net over the butterfly of the moment? for the moment passes, it is forgotten; the mood is gone; life itself is gone. That is where the writer scores over his fellows: he catches the changes of his mind on the hop. '''Growth is exciting; growth is dynamic and alarming.''' Growth of the soul, growth of the mind; how the observation of last year seems childish, superficial; how this year — even this week — even with this new phrase — it seems to us that we have grown to a new maturity. It may be a fallacious persuasion, but at least it is stimulating, and so long as it persists, one does not stagnate. <br /> I look back as through a telescope, and see, in the little bright circle of the glass, moving flocks and ruined cities. ** ''Twelve Days'' (1928) p. 9; part of this appears to have also become paraphrased in the form: :: Growth is exciting; growth is alarming. Growth of the soul, growth of the mind. ::* As quoted in ''The Greatest Quotations of All-Time'' (2010) by Anthony St Peter, p. 281 * '''She walks among the loveliness she made, <br /> Between the apple-blossom and the water'''— <br /> She walks among the patterned pied brocade, <br /> '''Each [[flower]] her son, and every [[tree]] her daughter.''' ** "The Island", in ''Bulletin of the Garden Club of America'' (1929), p. 1, also in ''Collected Poems'' (1934), p. 54 * '''It was a real event in my [[life]] and my [[heart]] to be with you the other day. We do matter to each other, don't we? however much our ways may have diverged.''' I think we have got something indestructible between us, haven't we? … It has been a very strange relationship, ours; unhappy at times, happy at others; but unique in its way, and infinitely precious to me and (may I say?) to you. <br /> What I like about it is that we always come together again however long the gaps in our meetings may have been. Time seems to make no difference. ** [http://www.sappho.com/letters/vitas-w.html Letter to] [[w:Violet Trefusis|Violet Trefusis]] (3 September 1950), published in ''The Other Woman : A Life of Violet Trefusis, including previously unpublished correspondence with Vita Sackville-West'' (1985) edited by Philippe Jullian and John Nova Phillips, p. 235 * '''I have come to the conclusion, after many years of sometimes [[sad]] experience, that you cannot come to any conclusion at [[all]].''' ** ''In Your Garden Again'' (1953), p. 71 of 2004 edition * And so it ends, <br /> We who were lovers may be [[friends]]. <br /> '''I have some weeks in which to [[steel]] <br /> My heart and teach myself to feel <br /> Only a sober tenderness <br /> Where once was [[passion]]'s loveliness.''' ** "And so it ends", a poem cited as probably directed to her sister-in-law, Gwen St. Aubyn, in ''V. Sackville-West : A Critical Biography'' (1974) by Michael Stevens, p. 91 * You took me weak and unprepared. <br /> I had not thought that you who shared <br /> My days, my nights, my heart, my life, <br /> Would slash me with a naked knife <br /> And gently tell me not to bleed <br /> But to accept your crazy creed. ** "And so it ends", quoted in ''V. Sackville-West : A Critical Biography'' (1974) by Michael Stevens, p. 91 * Darling, I thought of nothing mean; <br /> I thought of killing straight and clean. <br /> '''You're safe; that's gone, that wild caprice, <br /> But tell me once before I cease, <br /> Which does your Church esteem the kinder role, <br /> To kill the body or destroy the soul?''' ** "And so it ends" quoted in ''V. Sackville-West : A Critical Biography'' (1974) by Michael Stevens, p. 91 * '''Days I enjoy are days when nothing happens, <br /> When I have no engagements written on my block, <br /> When no one comes to disturb my inward peace''', <br /> When no one comes to take me away from myself <br /> And turn me into a patchwork, a jig-saw puzzle, <br /> A broken mirror that once gave a whole reflection, <br /> Being so contrived that it takes too long a time <br /> To get myself back to myself when they have gone. ** "Days I enjoy", quoted in ''Vita and Virginia: The Work and Friendship of V. Sackville-West and Virginia Woolf'' (1993) by Suzanne Raitt, p. 89 * And what have I to give my friends in the last resort? <br /> An awkwardness, a shyness, and a scrap, <br /> No thing that's truly me, a bootless waste, <br /> A waste of myself and them, for '''my life is mine <br /> And theirs presumably theirs, and cannot touch.''' ** "Days I enjoy" quoted in ''Vita and Virginia: The Work and Friendship of V. Sackville-West and Virginia Woolf'' (1993) by Suzanne Raitt, p. 89 === ''Orchard and Vineyard'' (1921) === * Yes, they were kind exceedingly; most mild <br /> Even in indignation, taking by the hand <br /> One that obeyed them mutely, as a child <br /> Submissive to a law he does not understand. ** "Bitterness" * Remembrance clamoured in him: 'She was wild and free, <br /> Magnificent in giving; she was blind <br /> To gain or loss, and, loving, loved but me, — but me! ** "Bitterness" * '''All her youth is gone, her beautiful youth outworn''', <br /> Daughter of tarn and tor, the moors that were once her home <br /> No longer know her step on the upland tracks forlorn <br /> Where she was wont to roam. ** "Mariana In The North"; also in ''Country Life'' Vol. 50 (1921), p. 738 * All her lovers have passed, her beautiful lovers have passed, <br /> The young and eager men that fought for her arrogant hand, <br /> And the only voice which endures to mourn for her at the last <br /> Is the voice of the lonely land. ** "Mariana In The North" === ''The Land'' (1926) === :<small>Page numbers are of a 2004 edition</small> [[File:Cider Apple Orchard in winter, Little Tarrington - geograph.org.uk - 120590.jpg|thumb|I sing the cycle of my country's year…]] [[File:Cider with Rosie - geograph.org.uk - 24766.jpg|thumb| The country habit has me by the heart…]] [[File:Bienenkoenigin4.jpg|thumb|Forget not bees in winter, though they sleep.]] [[File:Apis mellifera flying.jpg|thumb|The waking bee, still drowsy on the wing, <br /> Will sense the opening of another year <br /> And blunder out to seek another spring.]] * '''I sing the cycle of my country's year''', <br /> I sing the tillage, and the reaping sing, <br /> Classic monotony, that modes and wars <br /> Leave undisturbed, unbettered, for their best <br /> Was born immediate, of expediency. ** Winter, p. 1 * '''Why should a poet pray thus? poets scorn <br /> The boundaried love of country, being free <br /> Of winds, and alien lands, and distances, <br /> Vagabonds of the compass, wayfarers, <br /> Pilgrims of thought, the tongues of Pentecost <br /> Their privilege''', and in the peddler's pack <br /> The curious treasures of their stock-in-trade, <br /> Bossy and singular, the heritage <br /> Of poetry and science, polished bright, <br /> Thin with the rubbing of too many hands; <br /> Myth, glamour, hazard, fables dim as age, <br /> Faith, doubt, perplexity, grief, hope, despair, <br /> Wings, and great waters, and Promethean fire, <br /> Man's hand to clasp, and Helen's mouth to kiss. <br /> Why then in little meadows hedge about <br /> A poet's pasture? shed a poet's cloak <br /> For fustian? cede a birthright, thus to map <br /> So small a corner of so great a world? ** Winter, p. 4 * '''The country habit has me by the heart, <br /> For he's bewitched for ever who has seen, <br /> Not with his eyes but with his vision, Spring <br /> Flow down the woods and stipple leaves with sun, <br /> As each man knows the life that fits him best, <br /> The shape it makes in his soul, the tune, the tone''', <br /> And after ranging on a tentative flight <br /> Stoops like the merlin to the constant lure. ** "Winter", p. 5 * '''Forget not bees in winter, though they sleep.''' ** "Bee-Master", p. 40 * In February, if the days be clear, <br /> '''The waking bee, still drowsy on the wing, <br /> Will sense the opening of another year <br /> And blunder out to seek another spring.''' ** "Bee-Master", p. 40 * '''All craftsmen share a knowledge. They have held<br/>Reality down fluttering to a bench.''' ** "Summer", p. 81 * '''I saw within the wheelwright’s shed <br /> The big round cartwheels, blue and red'''; <br /> A plough with blunted share; <br /> A blue tin jug; a broken chair; <br /> And paint in trial patchwork square <br /> Slapping up against the wall; <br /> The lumber of the wheelwright’s trade, <br /> And tools on benches neatly laid, <br /> The brace, the adze, the awl; ** "Making Cider", p. 100 * '''The young men strained upon the crank <br /> To wring the last reluctant inch. <br /> They laughed together, fair and frank, <br /> And threw their loins across the winch.''' ** "Making Cider" === ''Kings Daughter'' (1929) === [[File:Tierpark 06 034.jpg|thumb|The greater cats with golden eyes <br /> Stare out between the bars. <br /> Deserts are there, and the different skies, <br /> And night with different stars.]] [[File:Vita Sackville-West at Monk's House.jpg|thumb|I came from nowhere, and shall be <br /> Strong, steadfast, swift, eternally…]] * '''The greater cats with golden eyes <br /> Stare out between the bars. <br /> Deserts are there, and the different skies, <br /> And night with different stars.''' <br /> They prowl the aromatic hill, <br /> And mate as fiercely as they kill, <br /> To roam, to live, to drink their fill; <br /> '''But this beyond their wit know I: <br /> Man loves a little, and for long shall die.''' ** "The Greater Cats" * Their strength's eternal in their sight, <br /> They overtake the deer in flight, <br /> And in their arrogance they smite; <br /> But I am sage, if they are strong: <br /> Man's love is transient as his death is long. ** "The Greater Cats" * '''I came from nowhere, and shall be <br /> Strong, steadfast, swift, eternally''': <br /> I am a lion, a stone, a tree, <br /> And as the Polar star in me <br /> Is fixed my constant heart on thee. <br /> Ah, may I stay forever blind <br /> With lions, tigers, leopards, and their kind. ** "The Greater Cats" === ''Collected Poems'' (1933) === [[File:Dziób ORP Iskra.JPG|thumb|I shared with ships good joys and fortunes wide <br /> That might befall their beauty and their pride.]] [[File:Vita Sackville-West 1926.jpg|thumb|Her appearance was indeed remarkable — strange almost beyond the reach of adjectives … She resembled a puissant blend of both sexes — [[w:Lady Chatterley's Lover|Lady Chatterley]] and her lover rolled into one. ~ [[w:Peter Quennell|Peter Quennell]] ]] * Leopards on the gable-ends, <br /> Leopards on the painted stair, <br /> Stiff the blazoned shield they bear, <br /> Or and gules, a bend of vair, <br /> '''Leopards on the gable-ends, <br /> Leopards everywhere.''' ** "Leopards at Knole" p. 143 * Often on the painted stair, <br /> As I passed abstractedly, <br /> Velvet footsteps, two and three, <br /> Padded gravely after me. <br /> — '''There was nothing, nothing there, <br /> Nothing there to see.''' ** "Leopards at Knole", p. 143 * While many a lovely ship below sailed by <br /> On unknown errand, kempt and leisurely; <br /> And after each, oh, after each, my heart <br /> Fled forth, as, watching from the Downs apart, <br /> '''I shared with ships good joys and fortunes wide <br /> That might befall their beauty and their pride'''… ** "Sailing Ships", p. 162 == Quotes about Sackville-West == [[File:Virginia Woolf 1927.jpg|thumb|Suppose ''[[Orlando: A Biography| Orlando]]'' turns out to be about Vita; and its all about you and the lusts of your flesh and the lure of your mind … Shall you mind? ~ [[Virginia Woolf]] ]] :<small>Alphabetized by author </small> *I have been reading ''Grey Wethers''—a magnificent book. The descriptions of the downs are as fine as any in the language. Such power! Such power! Not a pleasant book of course! But what English! **[[George Curzon, 1st Marquess Curzon of Kedleston|Lord Curzon]], remarks to [[Harold Nicolson]] recorded in Nicolson's letter to Vita Sackville-West (2 September 1923), quoted in ''Vita and Harold: The Letters of Vita Sackville-West and Harold Nicolson 1919–1962'', ed. Nigel Nicolson (1992), p. 123 * '''Her appearance was indeed remarkable —''' strange almost beyond the reach of adjectives … She resembled a puissant blend of both sexes — [[w:Lady Chatterley's Lover|Lady Chatterley]] and her lover rolled into one. ** [[w:Peter Quennell|Peter Quennell]], in ''Customs and Characters'' (1982) p. 41 <!-- London: Weidenfeld and Nicolson --> * Instantly the usual exciting devices enter my mind: a biography beginning in the year 1500 & continuing to the present day, called Orlando: Vita; only with a change about from one sex to the other. ** [[Virginia Woolf]], on Vita being the inspiration for her novel ''[[Orlando: A Biography| Orlando : A Biography]]'' in her journal entry upon conceiving it (5 October 1927), quoted in ''The Virginia Woolf Reader'' (1984) edited by Mitchell Alexander Leaska, p. 315 * '''Suppose ''Orlando'' turns out to be about Vita; and its all about you and the lusts of your flesh and the lure of your mind''' (heart you have none, who go gallivanting down the lanes with Campbell) — suppose there's the kind of shimmer of reality which sometimes attaches to my people, as the lustre on an oyster shell (and that recalls another Mary) suppose, I say, that Sibyl next October says "There's Virginia gone and written a book about Vita" … '''Shall you mind?''' ** [[Virginia Woolf]], in a letter to Sackville-West (10 October 1927), published in ''Vita : The Life of V. Sackville-West'' (1985) by Victoria Glendinning == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{commonscat}} * [http://users.library.fullerton.edu/scox/vitaswbib.htm Fuller list of Vita Sackville-West's publications] * [http://www.npg.org.uk/collections/search/person/mp06015/victoria-mary-vita-sackville-west Portrait photos at npg.org.uk] * [http://www.gardenvisit.com/b/sackville.htm Vita Sackville-West as a garden designer] * [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AjXvkRhoXXs Vita Sackville-West reads from her poem The Land] {{DEFAULTSORT:Sackville-West, Vita}} [[Category:1892 births]] [[Category:1962 deaths]] [[Category:Poets from England]] [[Category:Journalists from England]] [[Category:LGBT people]] [[Category:Novelists from England]] [[Category:Memoirists from England]] [[Category:Women authors]] [[Category:Women from England]] [[Category:Designers]] [[Category:Architects from England]] [[Category:Women journalists]] [[Category:Women born in the 19th century]] h15zca6vlle5qci38pu4vf7qps1knix 0 86450 3778884 3761758 2025-07-14T21:31:26Z 157.130.187.218 /* Dialogue */ 3778884 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Backdraft (film)|Backdraft]]''''' is a [[w:1991 in film|1991]] [[w:Cinema of the United States|American film]] about two feuding siblings carrying on a heroic family tradition as Chicago firefighters. But when a puzzling series of arson attacks is reported, they are forced to set aside their differences to solve the mystery surrounding these crimes. :''Directed by [[w:Ron Howard|Ron Howard]]. Written by [[w:Gregory Widen|Gregory Widen]].'' {{center/s}}'''In that instant it can create a hero... or cover a secret.'''{{center/e}} ==Stephen "Bull" McCaffrey== * How do you do it, man? How do you manage to keep coming up with new and amazing ways to fuck up? I mean, that Scotch bullshit? Am I really supposed to believe you came crawlin' home because you felt heartstrings moan for the family biz? You were bankrupt, man! The scary thing is, you probably coulda got away with it for awhile. * One case of scotch, Brian? Man, you're getting cheap in your old age! * You go, we go. * I told you to stay right be-''fucking''-side me, Brian! * Well, I thinks its union bylaw that if you get your picture in the paper, even if it's bullshit, that you gotta buy the whole company a drink. * The only problem is that in this job is there's just no place to hide. It's not like having a bad day selling log cabins. You have a bad day here and somebody dies... and that's just not fucking good enough. * You're doin it wrong. * Look at him. That's my brother, Goddamn it. ==Brian McCaffrey== * I'm not gonna quit, Stephen. You hear me? ==John "Axe" Adcox== * Jesus, Stevie, you never know when to quit, do you? Do you ever wonder why you're stuck a fucking lieutenant for life? ==Donald 'Shadow' Rimgale== *''[Rimgale and Brian crash Alderman Swayzak's press conference]'' These detectives would like to question you on how come you paid Donald Cosgrove, Jeffrey Holcomb and Alan Seagrave to create a phony manpower study! Ask him who made money off firemen dying! ==Other== *'''Ricco, Pathologist''': ''[to Brian about picking up the burned body]'' Jesus Christ! He's not going to sell you insurance, pick him up! *'''Ronald Bartel''': The funny thing about firemen is... Night and day they are always firemen. ==Dialogue== :'''Schmidt''': Yeah, it's jumping floors, Lieutenant! :'''Stephen''': Well, where's the second-in companies, huh? :'''Schmidt''': Sorry, man, John Wayne time. You're on your own, boss. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tim Kizminski:''' How do we know if the floor’s gonna be on fire on one of these? :'''Stephen''': Well, when the doors open, if it's hot, don't get out. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Axe''': Gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen. As 17's official toastmaster... :'''Ray Santos''': ...and bullshitter. :'''Axe''': Thank you, Santos. Did I happen to mention you're cut out of my will? I think it appropriate that we recognize the two asswipes... Probationary Firemen... among us today who were officially baptized into the world of Old Man Fire. First, to Tim. Despite the fact that he was born with a rather dull expression, and a really hideous pair of ears, he not only took on the beast but pulled from its clutches, assisted by a more famous and brilliant firefighter, me, a kicking and screaming civilian who will probably wind up suing us for breaking her fingernails. And to Brian... ''[reveals mannequin]'' ...whose own contribution was both more beautiful and less likely to sue. You know, when I learned that both McCaffrey brothers would be assigned here at this station together at the same time, my heart was filled with... a sudden desire to transfer. So raise a glass, lads. To funny-looking Tim, and the McCaffrey brothers, who, despite the fact that they have gotten on each other's nerves for years, have managed with great effort to still be pissed off at each other... Gentlemen. :'''All men in the firehouse''': Fuck you! ''[laughter]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Tim Krizminski, a candidate, was severely burned by a backdraft]'' :'''Brian McCaffrey:''' You had to do it, didn't you? You had to be myth man again, taking on another fire bare-handed instead of looking out for your probie? Is that what happened? :'''Stephen McCaffrey''': ''[angrily]'' I ''had that fire.'' He just didn't listen to me. :'''Brian''': He's a candidate; ''Your responsibility!'' You shouldn't have had him up there in the first place! You burned him, Stephen! :'''Stephen:''' ''[angrily]'' ''Fuck'' you! :'''Brian:''' ''[goes after Stephen]'' Don't you walk away from me! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Stephen''': Hey, Swayzak! You missed it, buddy! Oh, you should have been there, man! Really, it was fuckin' great. I mean, we almost lost it. We almost lost a whole goddamn company for you just because, well, you know, since you shut down Thirty-Three. Well, there's no fuckin' backup, right? And we do, we appreciate it. I mean, I don't know about the rest of the guys, but you got my vote for mayor! :'''Swayzak''': Look, Lieutenant, if you have a problem, why don't you help us? Why don't you work with the task force... :'''Stephen''': Task force? Three guys have died already this year because of the cuts made by your FUCKIN' TASK FORCE! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Stephen:''' Who's your brother, Brian? :'''Brian:''' You are, Stephen. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rimgale''': So stop me if I got this wrong. Now the fire is almost out, you're upstairs on the unburned floor checking for heat, is that correct? And you've been told by your Battalion Chief, your Captain and by me not to do nothin', right? Not to do nothin' until ordered. That's correct, right? :'''Candidate''': Yes, sir. :'''Rimgale''': Ok. But now the itch starts. The 'Glory Boy' flash starts. 'Hey, I'm a hero. Heroes don't just stand around.' You can tell me, that's what it was, wasn't it? :'''Candidate''': Yes, sir. :'''Rimgale''': So you punched out a window for ventilation. Was that before or after you noticed you were standing in a lake of gasoline? '''''WAS THAT BEFORE OR AFTER YOU NOTICED YOU WERE STANDING IN A LAKE OF GASOLINE, YOU IDIOT?!''''' :'''Candidate''': Before, sir. :'''Rimgale''': You could have burned or killed or crispened half that company! To say nothing of the fact that you wrecked the physical evidence that I use to prove that it's arson, and you know how goddamned hard it is to determine the cause of these fires! Now you go home and you think about that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Jennifer Vaitkus''': We believe you're holding back on us, to embarrass the Alderman because of his fire department cutbacks. :'''Donald''': Alderman, I have an uncomplicated job: To determine if a fire is arson or not, and if so, to catch the son-of-a-bitch doing it. And if my investigative methods happen to muck up the campaign of certain mayor wannabes, I gotta tell ya... I'm not gonna go losing any sleep over it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ronald''': I sent away for the copy of ''Life Magazine.'' The one with your picture on the front. It's a collectible. :'''Brian McCaffrey''': Who's doing this, Ronald? :'''Ronald''': Wrong question. Who isn't? It's not a spark because there's not enough damage. He wouldn't have had any fun. It's not an insurance scam because there isn't any profit. :'''Brian''': Do you know who's doing this? :'''Ronald''': Yes. :'''Brian''': Then tell me. :'''Ronald''': You want to know who? I want to know if this kid really wanted to be just like his dad. :'''Brian''': I wanted to be him. I wanted to be him more than anything else in the world. :'''Ronald''': And you loved him? :'''Brian''': Yeah. :'''Ronald''': And you watched him dance with the animal. You saw your dad burn. :'''Brian''': Fuck you, Ronald! Who's doing this, huh? :'''Ronald''': Did it look at you? Did the fire look at you? It did. Whoa. Wow! Our worlds aren't that far apart after all, are they? So, whoever did this this knows the animal well, doesn't he? He knows him real well, but he won't let him loose. He won't let him have any fun, so he does not love him. Now who doesn't love fire? And is around trychtichlorate all day long? :'''Brian''': Oh, my God! :'''Ronald''': See... that wasn't such a long walk after all. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rimgale''': What about the world, Ronald? What would you like to do to the whole world? :'''Ronald Bartel''': Burn it all. :'''Rimgale''': See you next year, Ronald. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rimgale''': In a word, Brian, what is this job all about? :'''Brian''': Fire. :'''Rimgale''': It's a living thing, Brian. It breathes, it eats, and it hates. The only way to beat it is to think like it. To know that this flame will spread this way across the door and up across the ceiling, not because of the physics of flammable liquids, but because it wants to. Some guys on this job, the fire owns them, makes 'em fight it on it's level, but the only way to truly kill it is to love it a little. Just like Ronald. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Swayzak''': You know that little glow that’s starting to blink in the corner of your eye? That's your career dissapation light. It just went into overtime. :'''Stephen''': If anybody's lights are about to go out, believe me they're yours. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Stephen''': Jesus Christ, Axe! :'''Axe''': You don't understand. My cousin, my cousin, Sally, used to work at Swayzak's office. She saw the files, Stephen. She saw what he did! :'''Stephen''': You set me up with those chemicals on the boat? :'''Axe''': I'm trying to explain— :'''Brian''': Stephen! :'''Axe''': ''[to Brian]'' ''You back off!'' :'''Stephen''': Axe... :'''Axe''': Somebody had to stop these pricks, Stephen! :'''Stephen''': Would you look at me, Axe? :'''Axe''': Would you ''please'' listen to me? :'''Stephen''': What were you thinking? You burned people! :'''Axe''': You didn't see— :'''Stephen''': You're a fireman! :'''Axe''': When Sally showed me what was in Swayzak's files— :'''Brian''': You saw Swayzak's files?! :'''Axe''': I should've told you. I should've let you on it. :'''Brian''': Let him in on what, John? Murder? :'''Axe''': Swayzak and those assholes were closing firehouses. They were getting our friends killed for money! I had to, Stephen! I had to do it for the department! :'''Brian''': Did you do it for Tim, John? :'''Axe''': ''[to Brian]'' ''That was an accident!'' :'''Stephen''': Did ''you'' start that fire? :'''Axe''': ''[to Stephen]'' Jesus Christ! Why'd you have to go in there so ''fucking'' early? :'''Stephen''': That's why you wanted me to wait. :'''Axe''': Let me finish Swayzak! :'''Brian''': No, John! It's over! :'''Axe''': ''[to Brian]'' ''You shut up!'' Your dad would fucking ''puke'' if he saw how you shit on his department! :'''Brian''': What would he say about what you're doing, John?! :'''Axe''': ''[to Stephen, ignoring Brian]'' Your dad died saving my life. He died saving my life, and these people were killing firemen for money. :'''Stephen''': ''[realizing]'' Swayzak... :'''Axe''': He ''killed'' our friends for ''money''! What the ''fuck'' would you do? :'''Brian''': ''[to Stephen]'' Look, you're his lieutenant, Stephen! You've gotta handle this! :''[The roof starts weakening]'' :'''Axe''': It's going! :'''Stephen''': Get to the side, Brian! It's gonna go! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Rimgale and Brian crash Alderman Swayzak's press conference]'' :'''Rimgale''': These detectives would like to question you on how come you paid Donald Cosgrove, Jeffrey Holcum and Allan Seagrave to create a phony manpower study! ''[throws the files at the media, resulting in a barrage of questions]'' Ask him who made money off firemen dying! :'''Brian''': ''[in Swayzak's ear]'' You see that glow flashing in the corner of your eye? That's your career dissipation light. It just went into high gear. == Taglines == * One breath of oxygen and it explodes in a deadly rage. * Silently behind a door, it waits. * In that instant it can create a hero... or cover a secret. == Cast == * [[Kurt Russell]] - Lt. Stephen "Bull" McCaffrey/Capt. Dennis McCaffrey * [[w:William Baldwin|William Baldwin]] - Brian McCaffrey * [[Robert De Niro]] - Inspector Donald "Shadow" Rimgale * [[w:Scott Glenn|Scott Glenn]] - John "Axe" Adcox * [[w:Jennifer Jason Leigh|Jennifer Jason Leigh]] - Jennifer Vaitkus * [[w:Rebecca De Mornay|Rebecca De Mornay]] - Helen McCaffrey * [[Donald Sutherland]] - Ronald Bartel * [[w:Jason Gedrick|Jason Gedrick]] - Tim Krizminski * [[w:J. T. Walsh|J. T. Walsh]] - Alderman Martin Swayzak * Anthony Mockus, Sr. - Chief John Fitzgerald * Cedric Young - Grindle * Juan Ramirez - Ray Santos * Kevin Casey as Nightingale * [[w:Jack McGee (actor)|Jack McGee]] - Schmidt * Mark Wheeler - Pengelly == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{imdb title|id=0101393|title=Backdraft}} * {{mojo title|backdraft|Backdraft}} * {{rotten-tomatoes|backdraft|Backdraft}} [[Category:1991 films]] [[Category:Firefighting films]] [[Category:1990s American films]] [[Category:Crime drama films]] [[Category:Films set in Chicago]] [[Category:Action thriller films]] [[Category:Films directed by Ron Howard]] [[Category:Films about brothers]] h30rek92od78nuroito0j1q1zm1kgjr 0 86941 3778814 3778102 2025-07-14T19:30:35Z Ekedjade 3179146 3778814 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Israeli apartheid|Israeli apartheid]]''' is [[w:crime of apartheid|a system of institutionalized segregation and discrimination]] in the [[Israeli-occupied territories|Israeli-occupied]] [[Palestinian territories]] and to a lesser extent in [[Israel]] proper. This system is characterized by near-total physical separation between the [[Palestinian]] and the [[w:Israeli settlements|Israeli settler]] population of the [[West Bank]], as well as the judicial separation that governs both communities, which discriminates against the Palestinians in a wide range of ways. Israel also discriminates against [[Palestinian refugees]] in the [[w:Palestinian diaspora|diaspora]] and against [[w:Palestinian citizens of Israel|its own Palestinian citizens]]. __NOTOC__ {{TOCalpha}} ==Quotes== <!-- listed alphabetically by author or source --> == B == * We now have a law that confirms the [[w:Arab citizens of Israel|Arab population]] as {{w|second-class citizens}}. It therefore is a very clear form of apartheid. I don’t think the [[Jewish people]] survived for 20 centuries, mostly through [[w:Persecution of Jews|persecution]] and enduring endless cruelties, in order to now become the oppressors, inflicting cruelty on others. This new law does exactly that. That is why I am ashamed of being an Israeli today. ** [[Daniel Barenboim]] on the [[Basic Law: Israel as the Nation-State of the Jewish People]], ''[https://www.haaretz.com/israel-news/.premium-today-i-am-ashamed-to-be-an-israeli-1.6294754 Today, I Am Ashamed to Be an Israeli]'' (July 22, 2018), ''{{w|Haaretz}}''. * I used to be one of those people who took issue with the label of apartheid as applied to Israel. I was one of those people who could be counted on to argue that, while the country's settlement and occupation policies were anti-[[democratic]] and brutal and slow-dose [[suicidal]], the word [[apartheid]] did not apply. I'm not one of those people any more. ** [[Bradley Burston]], ''[http://www.haaretz.com/blogs/a-special-place-in-hell/1.671538 It's Time to Admit It. Israeli Policy Is What It Is: Apartheid ]'', ''{{w|Haaretz}}'' (August 17, 2015) * What does apartheid mean, in Israeli terms? Apartheid means fundamentalist clergy spearheading the deepening of segregation, inequality, supremacism, and subjugation. ** [[Bradley Burston]], ''[http://www.haaretz.com/blogs/a-special-place-in-hell/1.671538 It's Time to Admit It. Israeli Policy Is What It Is: Apartheid ]'', ''{{w|Haaretz}}'' (August 17, 2015) * Only under a system as warped as apartheid, does a government need to label and treat [[non-violence]] as [[terrorism]]. ** [[Bradley Burston]], ''[http://www.haaretz.com/blogs/a-special-place-in-hell/1.671538 It's Time to Admit It. Israeli Policy Is What It Is: Apartheid ]'', ''{{w|Haaretz}}'' (August 17, 2015) == C == * The word is the most accurate available to describe Palestine. Apartheid is when two different people live in the same land, and they are forcibly segregated, and one dominates or persecutes the other. That's what's happening in Palestine: so the word is very, very accurate. It's used widely, and every day, in Israel. ** [[Jimmy Carter]], as quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/theobserver/2007/may/27/features.review67 "Get Carter"], The Guardian, 27 May 2007. * I think some of the frustration that certain, certain people feel about the lack of African American support for [[2023 Israel-Hamas war|this war]] comes from this notion that we should have people’s back as they drop bombs to try to defend a segregationist apartheid regime. We shouldn’t do that. And we haven’t done that. That’s the history that you allude to, I mean, going back to [[Angela Davis]], to [[SNCC]], to [[Black Lives Matter]]. I stand here, or I sit here, very, very humbly as a latecomer to the cause, but someone who has come to the cause nonetheless. ** [[Ta-Nehisi Coates]], as quoted in "[https://www.democracynow.org/2023/11/2/ta_nehisi_coates Ta-Nehisi Coates Speaks Out Against Israel’s “Segregationist Apartheid Regime” After West Bank Visit]" (2 November 2023), ''{{w|Democracy Now!}} * Israel and its defenders often claim that it is the "only democracy in the Middle East." But what I saw was an ethnocracy, where half the people are first-class citizens, and the other half are something less. And this is a system sponsored and endorsed by the United States of America. The endorsement is not contradictory. For most of its history, America too was an ethnocracy in democratic clothing. ** [[Ta-Nehisi Coates]], as stated in "[https://www.vanityfair.com/news/story/dnc-2024-palestine-israel A Palestinian American’s Place Under the Democrats’ Big Tent?]" (21 August 2024), ''{{w|Vanity Fair}} * As somebody who understands the pervasive evil of apartheid, to say 'Israel is an apartheid state' is not only false and prejudicial to Israel, but it undermines the real struggle against apartheid and the integrity of that movement. ** [[Irwin Cotler]], as quoted in ''[[w:The Jewish Chronicle|The Jewish Chronicle]]'' (27 November 2015), p.34 == D == * This is a state of apartheid. It's taken me less than a week to lose impartiality. In doing so, I may as well be throwing stones at tanks. ** [[Daniel Day-Lewis]], ''Authors in the Frontline'', March 20, 2005 * You have Palestinians living in Israel with full political rights. You don’t have discriminatory laws against them, I mean not letting them swim on certain beaches or anything like that. I think it’s unfair to call Israel an apartheid state. If [[John Kerry|Kerry]] did so, I think he made a mistake. ** [[F. W. de Klerk]], as quoted in "South Africa's de Klerk: Israel not an apartheid state", ''The Times of Israel'' [http://www.timesofisrael.com/south-africas-de-klerk-israel-not-an-apartheid-state/#ixzz3GrpjBXBe], May 27, 2014. * There are no discriminatory laws in Israel and while there are certain practices that may be interpreted as segregation, in fact they are not. ... the Government does not prevent Arab children from attending the bredominantly Jewish schools. ...<br>In the Knesset, the official languages are Arabic and Hebrew, but the Israeli-Arab MKs mostly address the house in Hebrew. This is an indication that there are no major racial divisions in Israel. The quality of life and civil liberties enjoyed by Israeli Arabs are far better than in much of the Middle East. ...<br>Unfortunately, due to propaganda and unprincipled leadership, the majority of ordinary people in the territories still yearn for Jews to leave the region or 'be pushed to the sea'. This is the challenge facing Israel. It is all the more remarkable, therefore, that any allegation of 'apartheid state' can be so easily refuted. ** Report of South African Study Tour to Israel and Palestine, February 2016 ** Summarised by tour member {{w|Rabelani Dagada}} in "Israel not apartheid state - and we should know", ''Jewish Chronocle'', 3 June 2016 p.24 == G == * I loved South Africa, but I loathed the apartheid system. In Israel, I saw a fresh start for a people rising from the ashes of the Holocaust, a place of light and justice, as opposed to the darkness and oppression of apartheid South Africa. ** Hirsh Goodman, ''[https://www.nytimes.com/2014/02/01/opinion/sunday/how-israel-is-losing-the-propaganda-war.html Losing the Propaganda War]'' (31 January 2014), ''{{w|New York Times}}''. * However, in contrast to both residents of the OPT and the apartheid Bantustans, Israel has allowed its Arab minority (comprising about 21% of its population) to take up Israeli citizenship. Arab Israelis have their own political parties and many have become notable citizens, taking up positions in the Knesset, cabinet, Supreme Court, foreign service, police and Israeli Defence Force (IDF), as well as the Israeli men’s national football team. Thus Israeli Arabs today enjoy far more rights than blacks ever did within apartheid South Africa. ** Elliott Green, Associate professor, [[w:London School of Economics|London School of Economics]]; [http://blogs.lse.ac.uk/internationaldevelopment/2014/11/17/dr-elliott-green-assessing-the-israel-apartheid-south-africa-comparison/ blog, November 2014] == H == * The situation is like that of South Africa before 1990 and cannot continue. ** [[Stephen Hawking]], ''[https://www.theguardian.com/world/2013/may/08/stephen-hawking-israel-academic-boycott Stephen Hawking joins academic boycott of Israel]'' (7 May 2013), ''{{w|The Guardian}}''. == K == * I was shocked to see these walls, it's a new apartheid, barbaric behavior: How can you impose such a collective punishment and separate people? After all, we are all living on the same planet. It seems to me the world should have already learned from what happened in South Africa. And a country that hasn't learned should be boycotted, so that's why I don't perform in your country. ** [[w:Nigel Kennedy|Nigel Kennedy]], [https://www.haaretz.com/israel-news/culture/2007-12-24/ty-article/first-violin-prelude-to-dialogue/0000017f-db72-d3ff-a7ff-fbf211f60000 ''First violin Prelude to dialogue'']. ''[[w:Ha'aretz|Ha'aretz]]'', December 24, 2007. == L == * A Messianic, criminal group who graduated from the hilltop youth took advantage of his weakness, people who do not even understand what democracy is. They came from the West Bank. For 57 years there has been no democracy there. There is absolute apartheid there. The IDF against its will has to enforce sovereignty there and is standing by and watching the rampant settlers and is beginning to be complicit in war crimes. This is 10 times worse than the issue of [the IDF] being ready and training hours. Walk around Hebron and you will see streets where Arabs cannot walk, just like what happened in Germany. ** [[W:Amiram Levin|Amiram Levin]], quoted in [https://www.jpost.com/breaking-news/article-754560 "West Bank 'apartheid' is 'just like Nazi Germany' - former IDF commander"], The Jerusalem Post, August 13, 2023 == M == * The "Left" repeatedly calls for boycotts of Israel because it is, they claim, "an apartheid state." Israel is so totally free of apartheid that anyone who has spent ten minutes there knows the accusation to be an outright lie. So why keep on saying something untrue? That is anti-Semitism. ** {{w|Denis MacEoin}}, Distinguished Senior Fellow, [[w:Gatestone Institute|Gatestone Institute]] [http://www.gatestoneinstitute.org/7977/antisemitism-uk-labour Gatestone website, May 4, 2016] * I grew up in South Africa, so believe me when I say: Israel is not an apartheid state ... The difference between the two countries could scarcely be more stark. Under apartheid, a legal structure of racial hierarchy governed all aspects of life. Black South Africans were denied the vote. They were required by law to live, work, study, travel, enjoy leisure activities, receive medical treatment and even go to the lavatory separately from those with a different colour of skin. Interracial relationships and marriages were illegal. It was subjugation in its rawest form. Contrast that with Israel, a country whose Arab, Druze, Bedouin, Ethiopian, Russian, Baha’i, Armenian and other citizens have equal status under the law. Anyone who truly understands what apartheid was cannot possibly look around Israel today and honestly claim there is any kind of parity. ** [[Ephraim Mirvis]], [http://www.newstatesman.com/culture/2016/02/i-grew-south-africa-so-believe-me-when-i-say-israel-not-apartheid-state New Statesman, 24 February 2016] * [[w:Pluralist democracy|Pluralistic democracies]] that respect [[human rights]] do not find themselves resorting to using lethal force against demonstrators. That’s what apartheid states do. But Israel has sold itself to the world as something else, a beacon of [[liberalism]] and [[democracy]]. Few things expose this image as a sham as well as massive [[Nonviolent resistance|non-violent mobilizations]] or [[civil disobedience]]. ** [[Yousef Munayyer]] on the events of [[w:2018 Gaza border protests#March – Land day protests|Land Day 2018]], ''[https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/opinion-munayyer-gaza-israel_us_5ac28a5fe4b00fa46f8548d8 In Gaza, Israel Aims To Massacre Hope]'' (2 April 2018), ''{{w|HuffPost}}''. * Israel, since its inception, has relied on [[w:Foreign relations of Israel|external support]], particularly from the Western world, for justification of its policies in Gaza and the {{w|West Bank}}. These relationships are contingent on many things, including values the West claims to hold dear like [[freedom]], democracy, [[civil rights]] and [[equality]]. The prospect of a negotiated agreement based on two-states has allowed Israel to stave off the confrontation between the [[myth]] of these [[values]] and the reality on the ground. But as the notion of a [[w:Two-state solution|two-state agreement]] fades firmly into [[history]], the apartheid reality becomes impossible to ignore, and further episodes where Israel will confront masses of mobilized Palestinians demanding their [[rights]] will continue to highlight this contradiction. ** [[Yousef Munayyer]] on the events of [[w:2018 Gaza border protests#March – Land day protests|Land Day 2018]], ''[https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/opinion-munayyer-gaza-israel_us_5ac28a5fe4b00fa46f8548d8 In Gaza, Israel Aims To Massacre Hope]'' (2 April 2018), ''{{w|HuffPost}}''. == O == * No apartheid law will erase the fact that in this homeland there are two nations. ** {{w|Ayman Odeh}}, about the [[Basic Law proposal: Israel as the Nation-State of the Jewish People]]. As quoted in ''[https://www.timesofisrael.com/opposition-warns-of-apartheid-as-knesset-starts-jewish-state-bill-debates/ Opposition warns of ‘apartheid’ as Knesset starts ‘Jewish state bill’ debates]'' (26 July 2017) by Marissa Newman, ''{{w|The Times of Israel}}''. == P == * We know people cannot own property and it can be seized without any compensation, which is what we experienced in our own country. People have to carry identity documents that reflect their ethnicity rather than citizenship. All of this is part of the apartheid feature. ** [[Naledi Pandor]]. "[https://aje.io/rpfpqc?update=2488552 Time to stop this ‘crime against humanity’: South Africa]", ''Al Jazeera'', 15 November, 2023. * The difference between the current Israeli situation and apartheid South Africa is emphasised at a very human level: Jewish and Arab babies are born in the same delivery room, with the same facilities, attended by the same doctors and nurses, with the mothers recovering in adjoining beds in a ward. Two years ago I had major surgery in a Jerusalem hospital: the surgeon was Jewish, the anaesthetist was Arab, the doctors and nurses who looked after me were Jews and Arabs. Jews and Arabs share meals in restaurants and travel on the same trains, buses and taxis, and visit each other’s homes. Could any of this possibly have happened under apartheid? Of course not. ** Pogrund, Benjamin. [http://www.mideastweb.org/israel_apartheid.htm "Apartheid? Israel is a democracy in which Arabs vote"], MidEastWeb. First published in ''Focus 40'' (December 2005). Accessed December 29, 2006. * I know about apartheid. I was born in South Africa and spent 26 years as a journalist specialising in reporting apartheid; I have also written several books about it. I only left South Africa because my newspaper, the Rand Daily Mail, of which I was then deputy editor, was closed down by its commercial owners under pressure from the government. We paid the price for being the country's leading voice against apartheid. I also am familiar with Israel. I have lived in Jerusalem since 1997 and for more than 12 years was founder director of the Yakar Center for Social Concern whose purpose was to promote dialogue between Jews and Christians, Jews and Muslims, and Israelis and Palestinians. ... Why do I dismiss the apartheid analogies so emphatically? Because I straddle both apartheid South Africa and Israel today and have knowledge of the good and the ill in both societies. ** Pogrund, Benjamin. "[http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2012/oct/26/israel-arabs-not-apartheid Israel has moved to the right, but it is not an apartheid state]", ''The Guardian'', Friday 26 October 2012 * In Israel, I am now witnessing the apartheid with which I grew up. ** [[w:Benjamin Pogrund|Pogrund, Benjamin]]. "[https://www.haaretz.com/israel-news/2023-08-10/ty-article-opinion/.premium/for-decades-i-defended-israel-from-claims-of-apartheid-i-no-longer-can/00000189-d4ac-d821-afdd-dfacb4060000 For Decades, I Defended Israel From Claims of Apartheid. I No Longer Can]", ''Haaretz'', 10 August 2023 == S == * Since 1967, Israel has built more than 130 settlements (and helped build about 140 settler outposts) in the West Bank...Israeli settlers, who have full civil and political rights and are seamlessly connected to Israel’s infrastructure and resources, reside alongside millions of Palestinians subject to Israeli military rule who have zero say over how they are governed. Numerous leading Israeli and international nongovernmental organizations have likened this bifurcated system to apartheid. ** [[w:Michael Sfard|Michael Sfard]] in [https://foreignpolicy.com/2023/06/08/israel-palestine-west-bank-annexation-netanyahu-smotrich-far-right/ "Israel Is Officially Annexing the West Bank," ''Foreign Policy''] (8 June 2023) * Those who use the apartheid accusation employ the old anti-Zionist arguments. These constitute a multi-layered construct of fundamental ideological positions and analytical constructs, one of which is the purposeful displacement of the real nationalist context for historical comprehension of Zionism with the vilifying label of colonialism. Many anti-Zionists, but not necessary all of them, apply identifiable double standards of judgment to Israel traceable to the characteristic anti-Semitic premise that all things Jews do are inherently evil, including their nationalism. ** [[Gideon Shimoni|Shimoni, Gideon]]. [http://jcpa.org/article/deconstructing-apartheid-accusations-against-israel/ ''Deconstructing Apartheid Accusations Against Israel''] (September 2, 2007). * Comparing Israel to apartheid, which most consider slander and simply part of the assault on Israel, is especially sensitive in South Africa where apartheid was born, grew and died. ** Geoff Sifrin, ''The Jewish Chronicle'' (28 February 2014), p. 36. == T == *It reminded me so much of what happened to us black people in South Africa. I have seen the humiliation of the Palestinians at checkpoints and roadblocks, suffering like us when young white police officers prevented us from moving about. Many South Africans are beginning to recognize the parallels to what we went through. **[[Desmond Tutu]], Speech in Boston (2002). == V == * Israel is not consistent in its new anti-apartheid attitude... they took Israel away from the Arabs after the Arabs lived there for a thousand years. In that, I agree with them. Israel, like South Africa, is an apartheid state. ** [[Hendrik Verwoerd]], quoted in ''The Empire's New Walls: Sovereignty, Neo-liberalism, and the Production of Space in Post-apartheid South Africa and Post-Oslo Palestine/Israel''. Andrew James Clarno. 2009. p. 66–67 == W == * I think my appointment is the example and answer for those who accuse Israel of being an apartheid state. It shows minorities have equal rights and we are part of the government, the state and the parliament. ** Arab Kadima Knesset member [[Majalli Wahabi]], Acting President of Israel [http://www.librariansforfairness.org/news_post.asp?NPI=160 Librarians for Fairness] (3 March 2007). == See also == * [[Arab-Israeli conflict]] * [[Basic Law proposal: Israel as the Nation-State of the Jewish People]] * [[Jewish and democratic state]] * [[Palestine]] * [[Zionism]] == External Links== {{Wikipedia|Israel and apartheid}} {{Commons category|Israeli apartheid}} [[Category:Arab-Israeli conflict]] [[Category:Racism]] 6iieb171xg24qyf008jx3a62iox8wqg 0 87932 3779049 3720420 2025-07-15T09:25:32Z Friedolf 1112777 /* Quotes by Nazi members */ bold 3779049 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Bundesarchiv_Bild_119-0289,_M%C3%BCnchen,_Hitler_bei_Einweihung_%22Braunes_Haus%22.jpg|thumb|One of our most important tasks will be to save future generations from a similar political fate and to maintain for ever watchful in them a knowledge of the menace of Jewry. ~ [[Adolf Hitler]]]] [[File:Bundesarchiv_Bild_146-1968-101-20A,_Joseph_Goebbels.jpg|thumb|My Party is my church, and I believe I serve the Lord best if I do his will, and liberate my oppressed people from the fetters of slavery. That is my gospel. ~ [[Joseph Goebbels]]]] [[File:Bundesarchiv Bild 146-1969-054-53A, Nürnberg, Reichsparteitag.jpg|thumb|It was the spirit of the front that created National Socialism. In the face of looming death at the front, ideas of social standing and class collapsed. At the front, the sharing of common joys and common sorrows led to a previously unknown camaraderie between citizens. At the front, everyone could see that the common fate towered above the individual fate. ~ [[Rudolf Hess]]]] '''{{w|Nazism}}''' ([[w:Help:IPA/English|/ˈnɑːtsɪzəm]], ''[[w:Help:Pronunciation respelling key|ˈnæt-/ NA(H)T-siz-əm]]''; [[German language|German]]: ''[[wiktionary:Nazismus|Nazismus]]''), the common name in [[English language|English]] for '''National Socialism''' (German: ''[[wiktionary:Nationalsozialismus|Nationalsozialismus]]'', German: [[w:Help:IPA/Standard German|[natsi̯oˈnaːlzotsi̯aˌlɪsmʊs]]], is the [[far-right]] [[totalitarian]] {{w|political ideology}} and practices associated with [[Adolf Hitler]] and the {{w|Nazi Party}} (NSDAP) in {{w|Nazi Germany}}. During {{w|Hitler's rise to power}} in 1930s [[Europe]], it was frequently referred to as '''Hitlerism''' (German: ''Hitlerfaschismus''). The later related term "{{w|neo-Nazism}}" is applied to other far-right groups with similar ideas which formed after the Second World War. __NOTOC__ {{TOCalpha}} :[[#DiMeglio|DiMeglio, Germany 1933–1945]] || [[#Friedlander|Friedlander, The origins of Nazi genocide]] || [[#Proctor|Proctor, Racial Hygiene]] [[File:Flag of Nazi Germany (1933-1945).svg|thumb|When the Nazis came for the [[communists]],<br />I remained [[silent]];<br />I was not a communist.<br /><br />When they locked up the [[social democrats]],<br /> I remained silent;<br />I was not a social democrat.<br /><br />When they came for the [[trade unionists]],<br />I did not speak out;<br />I was not a trade unionist.<br /><br />When they came for the [[Jews]],<br />I remained silent;<br />I wasn't a Jew.<br /><br />When they came for me,<br>there was no one left to [[speak]] out. ~ [[Martin Niemöller]]]] [[File:FDRfiresidechat2.jpg|thumb|right|Nazi forces are not seeking mere modifications in colonial maps or in minor European boundaries. They openly seek the destruction of all elective systems of government on every continent-including our own; they seek to establish systems of government based on the regimentation of all human beings by a handful of individual rulers who have seized power by force. These men and their hypnotized followers call this a new order. It is not new. It is not order. ~ [[Franklin Roosevelt]]]] == Quotes by Nazi members == *So why did National Socialism take up the [[w:Jewish_question|Jewish question]] in its programme already during the period of the party’s struggle? The [[w:German_Jews|Jewish population]] had in percentage terms relative to the rest of the population a disproportionately high share in the [[management]] of the economy, in the free professions, in the [[press]], in the [[radio]], in the [[theatre]], etc. '''So the enmity between host people and guests, between the [[Judaism|Jewish]] part and the non-Jewish part of the population grew to such an extent that this would have doubtless led at some point to an explosion'''. That was why the leadership was concerned to reduce the tension in an orderly, normal and legal way. This enmity had been present already for a long time in the [[Germans|German population]], because the Jews had been able to enrich themselves with brutality and violence, and to let the [[Germans|German people]] starve. Especially during the [[w:hyperinflation_in_the_Weimar_Republic|period of hyperinflation]] dramatic events had arisen and the Jews themselves partially admit that they had enriched themselves at the expense of the German people, their host people. ** [[Adolf Eichmann]], ''The Eichmann Tapes: My Role in the Final Solution'' *Just so are idealistic National Socialists judged even today, ten, twelve years after the end of the war. Certainly, in a hundred or more years, laurels will be handed even to National Socialism. ** [[Adolf Eichmann]], ''The Eichmann Tapes: My Role in the Final Solution'' * To sum it all up, I must say that I regret nothing. ** [[Adolf Eichmann]], While awaiting trial in Israel, as quoted in LIFE magazine (5 December 1960). * According to the idea of the NSDAP [Nazi party], we are the German left. Nothing is more hateful to us than the [[Conservatism|right-wing]] national ownership block.” ** [[Joseph Goebbels]] ''Der Angriff (The Attack)'', (6 December 1931), quoted in Wolfgang Venohr’s book: ''Documents of German existence: 500 years of German national history 1445-1945'', Athenäum Verlag, 1980, p. 291, In German: „[https://historyuncensored.wixsite.com/history-uncensored/historical-quotes Der Idee der NSDAP entsprechend sind wir die deutsche Linke. Nichts ist uns verhaßter als der rechtsstehende nationale Besitzbürgerblock] * While National Socialism brought about a new version and formulation of [[Europe|European]] [[culture]], [[Bolsheviks|Bolshevism]] is the declaration of war by Jewish-led international subhumans against culture itself. It is not only anti-bourgeois, it is anti-cultural. It means, in the final consequence, the absolute destruction of all economic, social, state, cultural, and civilizing advances made by western civilization for the benefit of a [[Zionism|rootless and nomadic international clique of conspirators]], who have found their representation in Jewry. ** [[Joseph Goebbels]], [http://research.calvin.edu/german-propaganda-archive/goeb58.htm Speech at the Nazi party Congress at Nuremberg (September 1935)] * We are against the political [[bourgeoisie]], and for genuine [[nationalism]]! We are against [[Marxism]], but for true socialism! We are for the first German national state of a socialist nature! We are for the National Socialist German Workers’ Party! ** Written by [[Joseph Goebbels]] and Mjölnir, ''Die verfluchten Hakenkreuzler. Etwas zum Nachdenken'' (Munich: Verlag Frz. Eher, 1932). Translated as “Those Damned Nazis,” (propaganda pamphlet). [http://research.calvin.edu/german-propaganda-archive/haken32.htm] * The path to [[freedom]] leads through the [[Nations|nation]]. The more united this nation, the stronger and more fervent the will to freedom. To set in motion this passionate will for freedom in the nation, that is the task of National Socialism. We want freedom, as you do, but with other means, with the solidarity of the nation, the community of the people as ours. I noticed one thing yesterday with joy: You now believe me that our community of the people is not the [[Pacifism|pacifistic]] mush that [[w:Wilhelm Marx|Mr. Marx]] and [[Gustav Stresemann|Mr. Stresemann]] mean. The community of the people today is nothing but the struggle for the rights of the people for the sake of the nation. We want this struggle because it alone can bring freedom. There must be fighting for the future. You and I, we fight each other without really being enemies. In this way we splinter our forces, and we never reach our goal. Perhaps the most extreme need will bring us together. Perhaps! Do not shake your head! This question is a matter of Germany’s future, and more, of [[Europe]]’s future. The new state or the decline of the West, both lie in our hands. ** [[Joseph Goebbels]], ''Nationalsozialismus oder Bolschewismus?'' (25 October 1925) * We and we alone [the [[Nazis]]] have the best social welfare measures. Everything is done for the nation. . . .The [[Jews]] are the incarnation of capitalism. ** [[Joseph Goebbels]], ''I Will Bear Witness: A Diary of the Nazi Years, 1942-1945'', [[w:Victor Klemperer|Victor Klemperer]], Vol. 2 , Random House, Inc. (2001) p. 317. Goebbels’ “Our Socialism” editorial was written on April 30, 1944. * My Party is my church, and I believe I serve the Lord best if I do his will, and liberate my oppressed people from the fetters of slavery. That is my gospel. ** [[Joseph Goebbels]], ''Joseph Goebbels' diaries'' (16 October 1928) * Our nation has the good fortune today to be led largely by front soldiers, by front soldiers who carried the virtues of the front to the leadership of the state. The rebuilding of the Reich was guided by the spirit of the front. '''It was the spirit of the front that created National Socialism.''' In the face of looming death at the front, ideas of social standing and [[class]] collapsed. At the front, the sharing of common joys and common sorrows led to a previously unknown camaraderie between [[Citizenship|citizens]]. At the front, everyone could see that the common fate towered above the individual fate. ** [[Rudolf Hess]], [https://research.calvin.edu/german-propaganda-archive/hess4.htm Speech to the Gau Party Rally in East Prussia] (8 July 1934) * '''One of our most important tasks will be to save future generations from a similar political fate and to maintain for ever watchful in them a knowledge of the menace of [[Jewry]]'''. For this reason alone it is vital that the Passion play be continued at Oberammergau; for never has the menace of Jewry been so convincingly portrayed as in this presentation of what happened in the times of the [[Roman Empire|Romans]]. There one sees in [[Pontius Pilate]] a Roman racially and intellectually so superior, that he stands like a firm, clean rock in the middle of the whole muck and mire of Jewry. ** [[Adolf Hitler]], ''On the Passion Play at Oberammergau'' (5 July 1942) * [[Socialism]] is the science of dealing with the common weal. [[Communism]] is not Socialism. [[Marxism]] is not Socialism. The Marxians have stolen the term and confused its meaning. I shall take Socialism away from the Socialists. Socialism is an ancient [[Aryan race|Aryan]], Germanic institution. Our German ancestors held certain lands in common. They cultivated the idea of the common weal. Marxism has no right to disguise itself as socialism. Socialism, unlike Marxism, does not repudiate [[private property]]. Unlike Marxism, it involves no negation of personality, and unlike Marxism, it is patriotic. We might have called ourselves the [[Liberal]] Party. We chose to call ourselves the National Socialists. We are not [[Internationalism|internationalists]]. Our socialism is national. We demand the fulfilment of the just claims of the productive classes by the state on the basis of race solidarity. To us state and race are one. ** [[Adolf Hitler]], [https://www.theguardian.com/theguardian/2007/sep/17/greatinterviews1 Interview with George Sylvester Viereck, 1923] * The National Socialist State recognizes no ‘[[Social class|classes]]’. But, under the political aspect, it recognizes only citizens with absolutely [[W:Völkisch equality|equal rights]] and equal obligations corresponding thereto. ** [[Adolf Hitler]], "Mein Kampf", Volume Two: The National Socialist Movement, chapter 12 (1926). * We National Socialists see in [[private property]] a higher level of human economic development that according to the differences in performance controls the management of what has been accomplished enabling and guaranteeing the advantage of a higher standard of living for everyone. Bolshevism destroys not only private property but also private initiative and the readiness to shoulder responsibility. ** [[Adolf Hitler]], speech made at the Reichstag (21 May 1935) Found in ''[https://books.google.com/books?id=r_-htwAACAAJ&dq=hitler+may+21+1935+speech&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwir0MTAmInWAhXPaCYKHaFIB2UQ6AEIJjAA Translation of Herr Hitler's Speech to the German Reichstag on May 21, 1935]'' Foreign Office Press. [https://archive.org/stream/RedeDesFhrersUndReichskanzlersAdolfHitlerVorDemReichstagAm21.Mai/MicrosoftWord-Ah19350521#page/n11/mode/2up German version] * Germany's economic policy is conducted exclusively in accordance with the interests of the German people. In this respect '''I am a fanatical socialist''', one who has ever in mind the interests of all his people. ** [[Adolf Hitler]], [https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Adolf_Hitler%27s_Speech_on_the_21st_Anniversary_of_the_National_Socialist_Party_(24_February_1941) Speech on the 21st Anniversary of the National Socialist Party (24 February 1941)] * The consequences of the activity of this regime were nothing but [[chaos]], [[misery]] and [[starvation]] in all countries. '''I, on the other hand, have been striving for twenty years with a minimum of intervention and without destroying our production, to arrive at a new Socialist order in Germany''' which not only eliminates [[unemployment]] but also permits the worker to receive an ever greater share of the fruits of his labor. ** [[Adolf Hitler]], [https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/The_Führer_to_the_German_People:_22_June_1941 The Führer to the German People: 22 June 1941] - Proclamation of War with the Soviet Union * All the more so after the war, the German National Socialist state, which pursued this goal from the beginning, '''will tirelessly work for the realization of a program that will ultimately lead to a complete elimination of class differences and to the creation of a true [[Socialism|socialist]] community.''' ** [[Adolf Hitler]], [https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Adolf_Hitler%27s_Speech_for_the_Heroes%27_Memorial_Day_(21_March_1943) Speech for the Heroes' Memorial Day (21 March 1943)] * The greatest [[revolution]] which National Socialism has brought about is that it has rent asunder the veil which hid from us the [[knowledge]] that all human failures and mistakes are due to the conditions of the time and therefore can be remedied, but that there is one error which cannot be remedied once men have made it, namely the failure to recognize the importance of conserving the blood and the race free from intermixture and thereby the racial aspect and character which are [[God]]'s gift and God's handiwork. It is not for men to discuss the question of why [[Providence]] created different [[Race|races]], but rather to recognize the fact that it punishes those who disregard its work of creation. ** [[Adolf Hitler]], speech before the Reichstag (30 January 1937). * National Socialism is not a cult-movement—a movement for worship; it is exclusively a 'volkic' political doctrine based upon [[Racism|racial principles]]. In its purpose there is no mystic cult, only the care and leadership of a people defined by a common blood-relationship. Therefore we have no rooms for [[worship]], but only halls for the people — no open spaces for worship, but spaces for assemblies and parades. We have no religious retreats, but arenas for [[sports]] and playing-fields, and the characteristic feature of our places of assembly is not the mystical gloom of a cathedral, but the brightness and light of a room or hall which combines beauty with fitness for its purpose. ** [[Adolf Hitler]], speech in Nuremberg (6 September 1938). * I was a young student of [[law]] and [[economics]], a [[Left-wing politics|Left Wing]] student leader, and a leader of ex-soldier students. ** Quote from Nazi party leader [[w:Otto Strasser |Otto Strasser]] in ''Hitler and I'', Boston: MA, Houthton Miffin Company, (1940) p. 3. * Yes, from the Right we shall take [[nationalism]], which has so disastrously allied itself with [[capitalism]], and from the Left we shall take Socialism, which has made such an unhappy union with [[internationalism]]. Thus we shall form the National-Socialism which will be the motive force of a new Germany and a new Europe. ** [[Gregor Strasser]] as quoted in ''Hitler and I'', [[w:Otto Strasser | Otto Stresser]], Boston: MA, Houghton Mifflin Company (1940) p. 9 * We are Socialists, enemies, mortal enemies of the present [[Capitalism|capitalist]] [[economic system]] with its [[exploitation]] of the economically weak, with its injustice in wages, with its immoral evaluation of individuals according to [[wealth]] and [[money]] instead of [[responsibility]] and [[achievement]], and we are determined under all circumstances to abolish this system! ** [[Gregor Strasser]], “Thoughts about the Tasks of the Future,” June 15, 1926. One-page talking points memo sent to Nazi leaders. * The [[Capitalism|Capitalist]] system with its exploitation of those who are economically weak, with its robbery of the workers labour power, with its unethical way of appraising human beings by the number of things and the amount of [[money]] he possesses, instead of by their internal value and their achievements, must be replaced by a new and just [[economic system]], in a word by German Socialism. ** [[Gregor Strasser]], ''Tradition & Revolution: Collected Writings of Troy Southgate'', editors: Patrick Boch, Jacob Christiansen and John B. Morgan, UK, Arktos Media (2010) p. 66 == A == *The National Socialist-Labor Party, of which Adolf Hitler is patron and father, persists in believing [[Vladimir Lenin|Lenin]] and Hitler can be compared or contrasted in a party meeting. Two weeks ago an attempted discussion of this subject left to one death, sixty injuries and $5,000 damages to beer glasses, tables, chairs, windows and chandeliers in Chemnitz. Last night DR. Göebells tried the experiment in [[Berlin]] and only police intervention prevented a repetition of the Chemnitz affair. On the speaker's assertion that Lenin was the greatest man, second only to Hitler, and that the difference between [[communism]] and the Hitler faith was very slight, a faction war opened with whizzing beer glasses. When this sort of ammunition was exhausted a free fight in which fists and knives played important roles was indulged in. Later a gang marched to the offices of the Socialist paper Vorärts and smashed plate-glass windows. [[Police]] made nineteen arrests. ** [[Anonymous]], ''Hitlerite Riot in Berlin: Beer Glasses Fly When Speaker Compares Hitler to Lenin'', ''[[New York Times]]'' (November 28, 1925)<br /><small>'''Note''': during the 20s the New York Times's reporting on Communism was neither unbiased nor accurate. See {{w|List of controversies involving The New York Times#The Russian Revolution, 1917–1920}}</small> * By exploiting material wealth confiscated and plundered in a racial war, Hitler’s National Socialism achieved an unprecedented level of economic equality and created vast new opportunities for upward mobility for the German people. ** [[Götz Aly]], ''Hitler’s Beneficiaries: Plunder, Racial War, and the Nazi Welfare State'', New York: NY, Metropolitan Books (2007) pp. 7-8 * Another source of the Nazi Party’s popularity was its liberal borrowing from the intellectual tradition of the [[socialist]] [[Left-wing politics|left]]. Many of the men who would become the movement’s leaders had been involved in [[communist]] and socialist circles. **[[Götz Aly]], ''Hitler’s Beneficiaries: Plunder, Racial War, and the Nazi Welfare State'', New York: Metropolitan Books (2007) p. 16 * In one of his central pronouncements, Hitler promised 'the creation of a socially just state,' a model society that would 'continue to eradicate all [social] barriers.' ** [[Götz Aly]], ''Hitler’s Beneficiaries: Plunder, Racial War, and the Nazi Welfare State'', New York: NY, Metropolitan Books (2007) p. 13. Hitler’s speech to workers at the Berlin’s Rheinmetall-Borsig factory (Oct. 10, 1940) == B == * All [[Dictatorship|dictators]] risk being overthrown by their opponents... [and] therefore need large police forces to protect them. ...The police force in {{w|Nazi Germany}} ...their job was to arrest people before they committed crimes. ...All local police units had to draw up lists of people who might be '[[Enemies]] of the [[State]]'. They gave these lists to the {{w|Gestapo}}... a branch of the [[w:Schutzstaffel|SS]]... [with] the power to do... as it liked. ...'Enemies of the State' ...are [likely] woken ...by a violent knocking at the door. ...[M]en in black uniforms ...[give] three minutes to pack a bag. ...[T]hey take you to the ...police station where you are shut in a cell. ...[D]ays, weeks or months ...[later] ...you are ...told to sign Form D-11, an 'Order for Protective Custody' ...agreeing to go to prison ...[Y]ou are too scared to refuse to sign ...Without ...a [[w:Right to a fair trial|trial]] you are ...taken to a [[concentration camp]] where you ...stay for as long as the Gestapo pleases.<br />...A former prisoner ...described ...'In [[w:Buchenwald concentration camp|Buchenwald]] there were 8000 ...2000 Jews and 6000 non-Jews. ...first ..."[[Political prisoner|politicals]]" ...many ...in concentration camps ...since 1933 ...many ...accused of having spoken abusively of the sacred ... [[w:Führer|Fuehrer]] ...After the "political", the ..."[[Refusal of work|work-shy]]" is the largest. ...A business employee lost his position and applied for [[w:Unemployment benefits|unemployment relief]]. ...he was informed by the [[w:Employment agency|Labour Exchange]] that he could obtain employment as a [[wikt:navvy#Noun|navvy]] on the ...roads. This man, who was looking for a commercial post, turned down the offer. ...[R]eported as "work-shy" ...he was ...arrested and taken to a concentration camp.<br />The next group were the "Bibelforscher" a [[religion|religious]] sect ...[[wikt:proscribe#Verb|proscribe]]d ...by the Gestapo since ...members refuse [[military service]].<br />The fourth... homosexuals... To charge this offense is a favorite tactic of the secret police. ...The last class ...professional criminals...' ** Josh Brooman, ''Hitler's Germany: Germany 1933-45'' (1985) p. 6. * '''[[w:Sicherheitspolizei|Sipo]] and [[w:Sicherheitsdienst|SD]] was a [[wikt:conglomerate#Noun|conglomerate]], formed... when [[Heinrich Himmler]]''', [[w:Reichsführer-SS|Reichfuehrer SS]], became chief of the German Police. He '''fused the Criminal Investigative Police ([[w:Kriminalpolizei|Kripo]]) and the {{w|Gestapo}}''' (the political police) '''to form the Security Police ({{w|Sicherheitspolizei}} or Sipo)''' under the command of SS General [[Reinhard Heydrich]]. ...[T]he exchange of personnel ...produced an amalgam of party and state agencies that became '''central to the execution of most of the [[w:Terror (politics)|terror]] and mass murder of the [[Nazism|Third Reich]]'''. ...Although no single organization carries full responsibility for the [[evil]]s of the Third Reich, '''the [[w:Schutzstaffel|SS-police system]] was the executor of [[terrorism]] and "population policy"''' in the same way that the [[military]] carried out the Reich’s [[Imperialism|imperialistic]] aggression. '''Within the police state, even the [[Concentration camp|concentration camp]]s could not rival the impact of Sipo and SD. It was the source not only of the "{{w|desk murderer}}s" who administered terror and [[genocide]] by assigning victims to the camps, but also of the police executives''' for identification and arrest, '''and of the command and staff for''' a major instrument of '''[[Capital punishment|execution]], the {{w|Einsatzgruppen}}. ...Sipo and SD was ...central to many ...controversial developments in the Third Reich'''—the [[Totalitarianism|totalitarian]] efforts to achieve [[conformity]] and to end opposition, the [[Racism|race]] and [[Population transfer|resettlement programs]], the development and implementation of imperialistic [[w:Expansionism|expansion]] ...'''The creation of the totalitarian police state''' as '''an essential step toward the {{w|Final Solution}}''' provides one ...perspective for this study. ...[H]ow [could] a [[Modernity|modern]] {{w|industrial society}} of such [[Culture|cultural]] prestige as [[Germany]]... be twisted to [[Adolf Hitler|Hitler]]'s ends, how so many thousands of [[wikt:functionary#Noun|functionaries]]—more ordinary Germans than [[Nazism|Nazi]] [[Extremism|extremists]] or [[wikt:sadism#Noun|sadists]]—could be found to execute Hitler's will[?] When the Nazi experience becomes '''the will of the {{w|Fuehrer}}'''... the result is both an alabi... and a smoke screen that '''obscures insights into how similarly extreme developments might reoccur, perhaps without a Hitler or a German ''{{w|Sonderweg}}''.''' ** George C. Browder, ''Foundations of the Nazi Police State: The Formation of Sipo and SD'' (1990) Introduction, pp. 1-4. * [T]he real key to power in the State—control of the {{w|Prussia}}n police force and of the... State Administration—lay with [[Hermann Göring|Goering]], as Prussian Minister of the Interior. ...In the critical period of 1933-1934, no man after [[Adolf Hitler|Hitler]] played so important a role in the [[w:Adolf Hitler's rise to power|Nazi revolution]] ...His energy and [[wikt:ruthless#Adjective|ruthless]]ness together with his control ...were indispensable to Hitler's success. Goering showed no intention of being restrained ...he enforced his will, as if he already held absolute [[power]].<br />The moment Goering entered office he began a drastic {{w|purge}} of the Prussian State service, paying particular attention to the senior police officers, where he made a clean sweep in favour of his own appointments, many of them — [[w:Sturmabteilung|S.A.]] or [[w:Schutzstaffel|S.S.]] leaders. ...'''Goering issued an order to show no mercy to the activities of''' "'''organizations hostile to the State'''" ...Goering continued: "'''Police officers who make... use of fire-arms in the execution of their duties will... benefit by my protection; those who... fail in their duty will be punished'''..." In other words, when in doubt shoot. ...'''All they had to do was ...put a white arm-band over their brown ...or black shirts: they then represented the''' authority of '''the State'''. ...'''For the citizen to appeal to the police''' for protection '''became more dangerous than to suffer assault''' and robbery in silence. At best, the police... looked the other way; more often the '''[[w:Auxiliary police|auxiliaries]] helped ...S.A. comrades ..beat up their victims. This was “legality” in practice.''' ** {{w|Alan Bullock}}, ''Hitler: A Study in Tyranny'' (1990) pp. 111-112. * From the point of view of fundamental [[Human rights|human liberties]] there is little to choose between communism, socialism, and national socialism. They all are examples of the [[Collectivism|collectivist]] or totalitarian state … in its essentials not only is completed socialism the same as communism but it hardly differs from fascism. ** {{w|Ivor Bulmer-Thomas}}, in ''The Socialist Tragedy'' (1951), p. 241. * [[W:Religious aspects of Nazism#Nazism and Christianity|The Nazis despised Christianity]] for its [[W:Split of early Christianity and Judaism|Judaic roots]], effeminacy, otherworldliness and universality... One would have to visit the [[Protestant Reformation|Reformation]] or the extremes of [[liberal]] {{w|anti-clericalism}} in the modern era to find anything analogous to their vicious and vulgar attacks on [[priests]]. ** {{w|Michael Burleigh}}, ''The Third Reich: A New History'', New York: NY, Hill and Wang (2000) p. 255 == C == * <p>One fine day the [[bourgeoisie]] is awakened by a terrific reverse shock: the gestapos are busy, the prisons fill up, the torturers around the racks invent, refine, discuss.</p><p>People are surprised, they become indignant. They say: “How strange! But never mind — it’s Nazism, it will pass!” And they wait, and they hope; and they hide the truth from themselves, that it is barbarism, but the supreme barbarism, the crowning [[Barbarian|barbarism]] that sums up all the daily barbarisms; that it is Nazism, yes, but that before they were its victims, they were its accomplices; that they tolerated that Nazism before it was inflicted on them, that they absolved it, shut their eyes to it, legitimized it, because, until then, it had been applied only to non-European peoples; that they have cultivated that Nazism, that they are responsible for it.</p> ** [[Aimé Césaire]], ''Discourse on Colonialism'' (1955), p. 36 * We are confronted with another theme. It is not a new theme; it leaps out upon us from the [[Dark Ages]] – [[Racism|racial persecution]], [[religious intolerance]], deprivation of [[Freedom of speech|free speech]], the conception of the [[Citizenship|citizen]] as a mere soulless fraction of the [[State]]. To this has been added the [[Militarism|cult of war]]. [[Children]] are to be taught in their earliest schooling the delights and profits of [[conquest]] and [[aggression]]. A whole mighty community has been drawn painfully, by severe privations, into a warlike frame. They are held in this condition, which they relish no more than we do, by a party organisation, several millions strong, who derive all kinds of profits, good and bad, from the upkeep of the regime. Like the [[Communism|Communists]], the Nazis tolerate no opinion but their own. Like the Communists, they feed on hatred. Like the Communists, they must seek, from time to time, and always at shorter intervals, a new target, a new prize, a new victim. The [[Dictatorship|Dictator]], in all his pride, is held in the grip of his Party machine. He can go forward; he cannot go back. He must blood his hounds and show them sport, or else, like [[w:Actaeon|Actaeon]] of old, be devoured by them. All-strong without, he is all-weak within. As [[Lord Byron|Byron]] wrote a hundred years ago: “These Pagod things of Sabre sway, with fronts of brass and feet of clay.” ** [[Winston Churchill]], [https://winstonchurchill.org/resources/speeches/1930-1938-the-wilderness/the-defence-of-freedom-and-peace-the-lights-are-going-out/ Broadcast to the United States and to London], 16 October 1938 * [[Fascism]] was the shadow or ugly child of communism… As Fascism sprang from Communism, so Nazism developed from Fascism. Thus were set on foot those kindred movements which were destined soon to plunge the world into more hideous strife, which none can say has ended with their destruction. ** [[Winston Churchill]], ''The Second World War, Volume 1, The Gathering Storm'', Mariner Books, 1985, pp. 13-14. First published in 1948 * The power of the Executive to cast a man into [[prison]] without formulating any charge known to the [[law]], and particularly to deny him the judgment of his peers, is in the highest degree odious and is the foundation of all [[totalitarian]] government whether Nazi or Communist. ** [[Winston Churchill]], as quoted in ''In The Highest Degree Odious : Detention Without Trial in Wartime Britain'' (1992), by [[w:A. W. B. Simpson|A. W. B. Simpson]] * Nazi leaders were noted for love of their pets and for certain animals, notably apex predators like the [[Wolves|wolf]] and the [[Lions|lion]]. [[Hitler]], a [[Vegetarianism|vegetarian]] and hater of [[hunting]], adored dogs and spent some of his final hours in the company of Blondi, whom he would take for walks outside the bunker at some danger to himself. He had a particular enthusiasm for birds and most of all for wolves. [...] [[Goebbels]] said, famously, ‘The only real friend one has in the end is the dog. . . The more I get to know the human species, the more I care for my Benno.’ Goebbels also agreed with Hitler that ‘meat eating is a perversion in our human nature,’ and that [[Christianity]] was a ‘symptom of decay’, since it did not urge vegetarianism. [...] On the one hand, monsters of cruelty towards their fellow humans; on the other, kind to animals and zealous in their interest. In their very fine essay on such contradictions, [[w:Arnold Arluke|Arnold Arluke]] and [[w:Boria Sax|Boria Sax]] offer three observations. One, as just noted, many Nazi leaders harboured affection towards animals but antipathy to humans. Hitler was given films by a maharaja which displayed [[animals]] killing people. The Führer watched with equanimity. Another film showed humans killing animals. Hitler covered his eyes and begged to be told when the slaughter was over. ** [[Alexander Cockburn]] "[http://www.counterpunch.org/2005/08/18/vegetarians-nazis-for-animal-rights-blitzkrieg-of-the-ungulates/ Vegetarians, Nazis for Animal Rights, Blitzkrieg of the Ungulates]". CounterPunch. (August 18, 2005). Retrieved April 6, 2013. * [[United States|America]] had a fling at National Socialism. [[Franklin D. Roosevelt|Roosevelt]] was for all administration purposes a [[Dictatorship|dictator]], but a benevolent one, and the country loved it. ** [[Alistair Cooke]], "Alistair Cooke's America", New York: NY, Alfred A. Knopf, Inc. (1973) p. 329. == D == [[File:Reichszentrale-Erlass-1936.jpg|thumb|In view of the often acrimonious debates surrounding many discussions of [[abortion]], and the occasional references to [[the Holocaust]], it seems appropriate to review the abortion experience in Germany during the Hitler years (1933-45). Increasingly severe restrictions were placed on the availability of [[contraceptives]] and on access to legal abortion. During [[World War II]] special courts in [[w:Vichy France|Vichy France]] and Nazi Germany were authorized to impose the [[death penalty]] for the illegal termination of unwanted [[Pregnancy|pregnancies]], and carried out their mandate. ~ Henry P. David, Jochen Fleischhacker and Charlotte Hohn]] * In view of the often acrimonious debates surrounding many discussions of [[abortion]], and the occasional references to [[the Holocaust]], it seems appropriate to review the abortion experience in Germany during the Hitler years (1933-45). Increasingly severe restrictions were placed on the availability of [[contraceptives]] and on access to legal abortion. During [[World War II]] special courts in [[w:Vichy France|Vichy France]] and Nazi Germany were authorized to impose the [[death penalty]] for the illegal termination of unwanted [[Pregnancy|pregnancies]], and carried out their mandate. <br> While “fifty thousand books and monographs” have been written about the Nazi period (Koonz, 1987, p.3), a search of numerous German and American archives, research libraries, and indexes of volumes especially oriented to the experiences of women produced few references specifically pertaining to abortion trends in the Hitler era. ** Henry P. David, Jochen Fleischhacker and Charlotte Hohn, [https://www.jstor.org/stable/1972501”Abortion and Eugenics in Nazi Germany”], ''Population and Development Review'', Vol. 14, No. 1 (Mar., 1988), p. 81 * Revelations of [[sterilization]] abuse during that time exposed the complicity of the [[Federal government of the United States|federal government]]. At firs the [[w:United States Department of Health, Education and Welfare|Department of Health, Education and Welfare]] claimed that approximately 16, 000 women and 8, 000 men had been sterilized in 1972 under the auspices of [[Social programs in the United States|federal programs]]. Later, however, these figures underwent a drastic revision. [[w:Carl Shultz|Carl Shultz]], director of HEW’s Population Affairs Office, estimated that between 100,000 and 200,000 sterilizations had actually been funded that year by the federal government. During Hitler’s Germany, incidentally, 250,000 sterilization were carried out under the Nazi’s Hereditary Health Law. Is it possible that the record of the Nazis, through the years of their reign, may have been almost equaled by the U.S. government-funded sterilizations in the space of a single year? ** [[Angela Davis]], “Racism, Birth Control, and Reproductive Rights in Fried, Marlene Gerber (ed.). [https://books.google.com/books?id=keE5EmSKYr0C “From Abortion to Reproductive Freedom: Transforming a Movement”] (1990). South End Press. ISBN 9780896083875. * As for the explanation that fascism is a last desperate attempt of [[capitalism]] to delay the socialist revolution, it simply is not true. It is not true that ‘[[big business]]’ promoted fascism. On the contrary, both in [[Italy]] and in [[Germany]] the proportion of fascist sympathizers and backers was smallest in the industrial and financial classes. It is equally untrue that ‘big business’ profits from fascism; of all the classes it probably suffers most from totalitarian economics and ''[[w:Wehrwirtschaft|Wehrwirtschaft]].'' ** [[Peter Drucker]], ''The End of Economic Man'', The John Day Company, The End of Economic Man (1939) p. 7 * [T]he enemy of [[Totalitarianism|totalitarian]] Nazism is not in the [[East/Central Europe|East]]. It is not [[Russia|Russian]] [[communism]]. The complete collapse of the belief in the attainability of [[freedom]] and [[equality]] through [[Marxism|Marxist]] socialism has forced Russia to travel the same road toward a totalitarian, purely negative, noneconomic society of unfreedom and inequality which Germany has been following… During the last few years [[Russia]] has therefore been forced to adopt one purely totalitarian and [[Fascism|fascist]] principle after the other; not, it must be emphasized, because of a ‘[[Stalinism|Stalinist]] [[conspiracy]],” but because there was no other possibility. ** [[Peter Drucker]], ''The End of Economic Man'', The John Day Company, The End of Economic Man (1939) pp. 245-246 * Fascism is the stage reached after communism has proved an illusion. And it has been proven as much of an illusion in Stalinist Russia as it proven an illusion in [[w:Weimar_Republic|pre-Hitler Germany]]. Communism in anything but name was abandoned in Russia when the [[w:Five-Year Plans of the Soviet Union|Five-Year Plan]] was substituted for the [[w:New Economic Policy |New Economic Policy]] (NEP) after [[w:death of Vladimir Lenin|Lenin’s death]]. ** [[Peter Drucker]], ''The End of Economic Man'', The John Day Company, The End of Economic Man (1939) p. 246 ==E== * The full name of Adolf Hitler's Nazi Party, the political movement that brought him to power and supplied the infrastructure of the fascist dictatorship over which he would preside, was Nationalsozialistische Deutsche Arbeiterpartei, the National Socialist German Workers' Party. According to historians, the complicated moniker reveals more about the image the party wanted to project and the constituency it aimed to build than it did about the Nazis' true political goals, which were building a state based on [[White supremacy|racial superiority]] and brute-force governance.<br>Given that Nazism is traditionally held to be an [[Far-right politics|extreme right-wing]] [[ideology]], the party's conspicuous use of the term "socialist" — which refers to a political system normally plotted on the far-left end of the ideological spectrum — has long been a source of confusion, not to mention heated debate among partisans seeking to distance themselves from the genocidal taint of Nazi Germany. ** David Emery, [https://www.snopes.com/news/2017/09/05/were-nazis-socialists/ Were the Nazis Socialists?] (5 September 2017), ''Snopes'' * The debate has heated up to the point of critical mass in recent years, thanks to the rise of nationalist political movements reacting in part to stagnant economic conditions and the perceived threat of [[Globalization|globalism]], and also in part to a flood of [[Immigration|immigrants]] and foreign [[Refugee|refugees]] pouring into [[Europe]] and the [[United States]] because of war and economic crises abroad.<br>A subset of these groups, identified as [[White nationalism|ethno-nationalists]], hold racially-tinged views ranging from nativism (the belief that the interests of native-born people must be defended against encroachment by immigrants) to full-on, hate-mongering white supremacy. Some of the latter openly align themselves with historical Nazism, to the point of waving [[Swastika|swastikas]], spouting [[Antisemitism|anti-Semitic]] rhetoric, and imitating the tactics of Adolf Hitler.<br>Add to this mix the ascendancy of President [[Donald Trump]], who won the 2016 election in part by courting a nativist, anti-immigrant constituency, and whose reticent condemnation of [[White nationalism|white nationalist]] protesters who held a rally in Charlottesville, Virginia that erupted in fatal violence in August 2017 drew howls of criticism from all but his most loyal supporters, and the urgency of sorting out these political associations begins to make sense. ** David Emery, [https://www.snopes.com/news/2017/09/05/were-nazis-socialists/ Were the Nazis Socialists?] (5 September 2017), ''Snopes'' * However, the assumption that because the word "socialist" appeared in the party's name and socialist words and ideas popped up in the writings and speeches of top Nazis then the Nazis must have been actual socialists is naive and ahistorical. What the evidence shows, on the contrary, is that Nazi Party leaders paid mere lip service to socialist ideals on the way to achieving their one true goal: raw, totalitarian power. ** David Emery, [https://www.snopes.com/news/2017/09/05/were-nazis-socialists/ Were the Nazis Socialists?] (5 September 2017), ''Snopes'' * Despite continuing certain [[Weimar Republic|Weimar]]-era [[social welfare]] programs, the Nazis proceeded to restrict their availability to "racially worthy" (non-Jewish) beneficiaries. In terms of labor, worker [[strikes]] were outlawed. [[Trade unions]] were replaced by the party-controlled [[w:German_Labor_Front|German Labor Front]], primarily tasked with increasing [[productivity]], not protecting [[Working class|workers]]. In lieu of the socialist ideal of an egalitarian, worker-run state, the National Socialists erected a party-run [[police state]] whose governing structure was anti-democratic, rigidly [[Hierarchy|hierarchical]], and [[Military|militaristic]] in nature. As to the [[Redistribution of income and wealth|redistribution of wealth]], the socialist ideal "From each according to his ability, to each according to his need" was rejected in favor of a credo more on the order of "Take everything that belongs to non-Aryans and keep it for the master race."<br>Above all, the Nazis were German [[White nationalism|white nationalists]]. What they stood for was the ascendancy of the "Aryan" race and the German nation, by any means necessary. Despite co-opting the name, some of the rhetoric, and even some of the precepts of socialism, Hitler and party did so with utter cynicism, and with vastly different goals. The claim that the Nazis actually were leftists or socialists in any generally accepted sense of those terms flies in the face of historical reality. ** David Emery, [https://www.snopes.com/news/2017/09/05/were-nazis-socialists/ Were the Nazis Socialists?] (5 September 2017), ''Snopes'' == F == * It is true, as [[A. J. P. Taylor|Taylor]] contended, that Hitler improvised his way through the diplomatic crises of the mid-1930s with a combination of intuition and luck. He admitted that he was a gambler with a low aversion to risk ('All my life I have played va banque'). But what was he gambling to win? This is not a difficult question to answer, because he answered it repeatedly. He was not content, like [[Gustav Stresemann|Stresemann]] or [[w:Heinrich_Bruning|Bruning]], merely to dismantle the [[Treaty of Versailles|Versailles Treaty]] - a task that the [[Great Depression|Depression]] had half-done for him even before he became Chancellor. Nor was his ambition to restore Germany to her position in 1914. It is not even correct, as the German historian [[w:Fritz_Fischer|Fritz Fischer]] suggested, that Hitler's aims were similar to those of [[German Empire|Germany]]'s leaders during the [[World War I|First World War]], namely to carve out an [[Eastern Europe|East European]] sphere of influence at the expense of [[Russia]]. Hitler's goal was different. Simply stated, it was to enlarge the German Reich so that it embraced as far as possible the entire [[Germans|German]] ''Volk'' and in the process to annihilate what he saw as the principal threats to its existence, namely the Jews and [[Soviet Union|Soviet]] [[Communism]] (which to Hitler were one and the same). Like [[Empire of Japan|Japan]]'s proponents of territorial expansion, he sought living space in the belief that Germany required more territory because of her over-endowment with people and her under-endowment with strategic raw materials. The German case was not quite the same, however, because there were already large numbers of Germans living in much of the space that Hitler coveted- When Hitler pressed for self-determination on behalf of ethnic Germans who were not living under German rule - first in the [[w:Saarland|Saarland]], then in the [[w:Rhineland|Rhineland]], [[Austria]], the [[w:Sudetenland|Sudetenland]] and [[w:Free_City_of_Danzig|Danzig]] - he was not making a succession of quite reasonable demands, as [[Government of the United Kingdom|British statesmen]] were inclined to assume. He was making a single unreasonable demand which implied territorial claims extending far beyond the River Vistula in [[Poland]]. Hitler wanted not merely a Greater Germany; he wanted the Greatest Possible Germany. Given the very wide geographical distribution of Germans in East Central Europe, that implied a German empire stretching from the [[Rhine]] to the [[w:Volga|Volga]]. Nor was that the limit of Hitler's ambitions, for the creation of this maximal Germany was intended to be the basis for a German world empire that would be, at the very least, a match for the [[British Empire]]. ** [[Niall Ferguson]], ''The War of the World: Twentieth-Century Conflict and the Descent of the West'' (2006), pp. 314-315 * There are some good reasons why National Socialism belongs to the left rather than the right politically. In any case, [Hitler] had more in common with Stalin's [[totalitarianism]] than with [[Benito Mussolini|Mussolini's]] fascism. In Italy in the twenties and thirties there were still the traditional class differences, while Hitler, unlike the socialists of all shades, promoted social equality. After the so-called seizure of power, contrary to what some members of the upper classes hoped, he did not restore the privileges lost in 1918. Instead, he simply replaced [[Karl Marx|Marx]]'s term of classless society with the vocabulary of the ‘people's community’ and sold the still terrifyingly socialist-sounding term as a kind of permanent fraternity celebration. ** [[w:Joachim Fest | Joachim Fest]], [https://taz.de/!703669/ “Was Adolf Hitler a leftist?”] Taz.am Wochenende (27 September 2003) * After the war, the army sent [Hitler] to investigate political movements in Munich. In the insignificant German Workers' Party he discovered the opportunity and latent talents that brought him success. He left the army, joined the party, and rapidly became its most skilled speaker and propagandist. Under the name National Socialist German Workers' Party, [NSDAP or Nazis], it held its first large public meeting in 1920, when Hitler denounced [[democracy]], [[capitalism]], and the [[Judaism|Jews]]. The next year, facing a split within the party, he resigned and only returned when he was given complete control. He established the '[[w:Fuhrerprinzip|Fuhrer Principle]]' of unquestioning [[obedience]] that marked the rest of his career. As his following grew, he attempted to seize power in Bavaria in 1923. He failed and went to prison. There he wrote the autobiographical [[Mein Kampf|''Mein Kampf'' [''My Struggle''<nowiki>]</nowiki>]] that blamed all the ills of society on the Jews and laid out plans for a future [[Totalitarianism|totalitarian]] state. After his release, he re-established his control of the NSDAP but made little progress until he redirected it away from the generally [[Socialism|socialist]] workers to small towns and the lower middle class. His stress on traditional German values and denunciation of the Jews and Communists brought him increasing support, especially as the [[Great Depression|Depression]] struck Germany. The Nazis seemed the only party willing to take drastic action to save the [[Economy of Germany|economy]]. Hitler worked incessantly, giving vague but powerful speeches that played on the emotions of his audience. He also built practical support in the storm of Storm Troopers, thugs in brown shirts who spread party [[propaganda]] and disrupted meetings of its opponents. By 1933 the Nazis were the largest party in [[Germany]]. ** Clive Foss, ''The Tyrants: 2500 Years of Absolute Power and Corruption'', London: Quercus Publishing, 2006, ISBN 1905204965, pp. 140-141 * [[Fascism]], Nazism and [[Stalinism]] have in common that they offered the atomized individual a new refuge and security. These systems are the culmination of alienation. ** [[Erich Fromm]], in ''The Sane Society'' (1955), p. 237 * The discource of Nazism was vital force, power was its only end, and violence it only means. By camouflaging its means by its end through the use of [[Marxism–Leninism|Leninist]] language, it betrayed its origins, like [[Vices|vice]] paying hidden homage to [[virtue]], as it continued to declare that reconciliation of humanity was its goal. .... To a society justifiably terrified by the threat of Communism, the Nazis offered [[protection]] and renewal, at the price of the same means used by Communism but in an ideological version that radically suppressed any idea of [[morality]]. ... Nazism was a German form of {{w|Bolshevism}} turned against its initial form. ... It was in Nazi Germany that [[Bolsheviks|Bolshevism]] was perfected; there, political power truly absorbed all spheres of [[existence]], from the economy to religion, from [[technology]] to the soul. The [[irony]], the tragedy, of history was that both [[totalitarian]] regimes, identical in their aim for absolute power over dehumanized beings, presented themselves as protection from the danger presented by the other. ** [[François Furet]], ''The Passing of an Illusion, The Idea of Communism in the Twentieth Century'', University of Chicago Press (1999) pp. 205-07 == G == * [Nazi] Germany is showing to the world how efficiently violence can be worked when it is not hampered by any hypocrisy or weakness masquerading as [[humanitarianism]]. It is also showing how hideous, terrible and terrifying it looks in its nakedness. ** [[Mahatma Gandhi]] in ''Zionism and Anti-Semitism'' (November 1938), as quoted in ''[https://books.google.co.za/books?id=pjN3jZQ74AoC&pg=PA319#v=onepage&q&f=false The Gandhi Reader: A Sourcebook of His Life and Writings,]'' p. 319. * {{w|Nazi ideology}} cannot be summarized in a program of platform. It can be better understood as a maelstrom of [[Prejudice|prejudices]], [[Passion|passions]], [[Hatred|hatreds]], [[emotions]], [[Resentment|resentments]], [[Bias|biases]], [[Hope|hopes]], and [[Attitude|attitudes]] that, when combined, most often resembled a religious crusade wearing the mask of a political [[ideology]]. ** [[Jonah Goldberg]], in ''{{w|Liberal Fascism}}'' (2008), p. 59 * '''[P]erpetrators of [[the Holocaust]] were ordinary Germans'''. Many were not particularly [[Nazism|Nazified]]... not being in the [[w:Schutzstaffel|SS]] or even in the {{w|Nazi Party}}. ...'''Many''' of the perpetrators, at least '''in the police battalions, were older.''' They were not particularly [[Martial arts|martial]]. ...It is not just that perpetrators were ordinary Germans, but that there were also '''vast numbers''' of them... The number... who '''took part''' in the extermination of the [[Judaism|Jew]]... was greater than 100,000... probably far greater. ...Over 10,000 [[w:Nazi concentration camps|German camps]] of various sizes and kinds existed for incarcerating and destroying Jews and non-Jews. ...The German justice center ...catalogued over 333,000 people ...who served ...institutions used to kill Jews and others. ...Nazi authorities ...assigned ...virtually anyone who was available. '''The perpetrators were not coerced to kill'''. ...[I]n many units officers announced... they did not have to kill, and... at least nine police battalions... had been informed that they did not have to kill. There is similar evidence for the some... ''{{w|Einsatzkommando}}s''. There is... evidence... [[Heinrich Himmler|Himmler]]... issue[d] orders allowing those... not up to the killing... excused... [O]rdinary Germans killed... '''[T]he... ''initiative''... ''zeal'', and... ''cruelty''... all were found among the ordinary Germans who were the perpetrators of the Holocaust.''' ** [[w:Daniel Goldhagen|Daniel J. Goldhagen]], presentation on ''Hitler’s Willing Executioners'' (1996) in the “Willing Executioners”/“Ordinary Men” Debate, Selections from the Symposium at the United States Holocaust Research Institute , April 8, 1996. == H == [[File:Hitler portrait crop.jpg|thumb|Germany's economic policy is conducted exclusively in accordance with the interests of the German people. In this respect '''I am a fanatical socialist, one who has ever in mind the interests of all his people.''' ~ [[Adolf Hitler]]]] * When [Hitler] talked of National-Socialism what he really meant was military-Socialism, Socialism within a framework of military discipline or, in civilian terms, police-Socialism. ** [[Ernst Hanfstaengl]], ''Hitler: The Memoir of a Nazi Insider Who Turned Against the Führer'', New York: NY, Arcade Publishing, 2011, pp. 70-71 * Rooted in extreme nationalism, National Socialism is driven by ideas of Germanic supremacy. It promotes aggressive expansionism and a totalitarian state where the people are united under a leader with absolute power, the Führer. ** {{w|Hearts of Iron IV}}, Description of Nazism * De Rougemont began by thinking that Hitler’s state was a regime of the right. But during a lengthy stay in Frankfurt as a visiting professor, he found himself involuntarily questioning this. “What unsettled him,” writes Boyd, “was the fact that those who stood most naturally on the right—[[lawyers]], [[doctors]], [[industrialists]] and so on—were the very ones who most bitterly denounced National Socialism. '''Far from being a bulwark against Communism, they complained, it was itself communism in disguise”''' ** [[Peter Hitchens]], [https://www.firstthings.com/web-exclusives/2019/09/hitler-the-progressive Hitler The Progressive], ''First Things'', 16 September 2019 * National Socialism was [[Egalitarianism|egalitarian]] and horribly modern. ** [[Peter Hitchens]], [https://www.firstthings.com/web-exclusives/2019/09/hitler-the-progressive Hitler The Progressive], ''First Things'', 16 September 2019 * Socialism as the final concept of [[duty]], the ethical duty of work, not just for oneself but also for one’s fellow man’s sake, and above all the principle: [[Common good]] before own good, a struggle against all parasitism and especially against easy and unearned [[income]]. And we were aware that in this fight we can rely on no one but our own people. We are convinced that socialism in the right sense will only be possible in nations and races that are Aryan, and there in the first place we hope for our own people and are convinced that socialism is inseparable from nationalism. ** [[Adolf Hitler]] "Why We Are Anti-Semites," August 15, 1920 speech in Munich at the Hofbräuhaus. Hitler gave this speech a number of times in August of 1920 to members of the National Socialist German Workers Party. Translated from ''Vierteljahrshefte für Zeitgeschichte'', 16. Jahrg., 4. H. (Oct., 1968), pp. 390-420. Edited by Carolyn Yeager. [https://carolynyeager.net/why-we-are-antisemites-text-adolf-hitlers-1920-speech-hofbr%C3%A4uhaus] * After all, that’s exactly why we call ourselves National Socialists! We want to start by implementing socialism in our nation among our Volk! It is not until the individual nations are socialist that they can address themselves to international socialism. ** [[Adolf Hitler]] according to [[w:Otto Wagener|Otto Wagener]] in ''Hitler Memoirs of a Confidant'', editor, Henry Ashby Turner, Jr., Yale University Press (1985) p. 288 * We are socialists, we are enemies of today's [[capitalism|capitalistic]] [[economic system]] for the exploitation of the economically weak, with its unfair [[Salaried|salaries]], with its unseemly evaluation of a human being according to [[wealth]] and [[property]] instead of responsibility and performance, and we are determined to destroy this system under all conditions. ** [[Adolf Hitler]] as quoted in ''Adolf Hitler: The Definitive Biography'', John Toland, New York: NY, Anchor Books, 1992, p. 224. Quote is from a speech at the Clou restaurant center on May 1, 1927. Hitler is paraphrasing Gregor Strasser’s one-page Nazi talking points memo from June 15, 1926. * For we [National Socialists] too are considered ‘upstarts’ and ‘leftists’ by those same reactionaries. They are only too eager to apply such terms as ‘enemies of the fatherland,’ ‘Bolsheviks,’ and ‘inferiors.’” ** [[Adolf Hitler]], according to [[w: Otto Wagener|Otto Wagener]] in "Hitler Memoirs of a Confidant", editor, Henry Ashby Turner, Jr., Yale University Press (1985) p 288. * Since we are socialists, we must necessarily also be antisemites because we want to fight against the very opposite: [[materialism]] and [[Satanism|mammonism]]… '''How can you not be an antisemite, being a socialist!''' ** [[Adolf Hitler]], "Why We Are Anti-Semites," August 15, 1920 speech in Munich at the Hofbräuhaus. Translated from ''Vierteljahrshefte für Zeitgeschichte'', 16. Jahrg., 4. H. (Oct., 1968), pp. 390-420. Edited by Carolyn Yeager. [https://carolynyeager.net/why-we-are-antisemites-text-adolf-hitlers-1920-speech-hofbr%C3%A4uhaus] * This German [[w:Volksgemeinschaft|Volksgemeinschaft]] is truly practical socialism and therefore National Socialism in the best sense of the word. Here everyone is obligated to carry his load. ** [[Adolf Hitler]], as quoted in ''Stagnation and Renewal in Social Policy: The Rise and Fall of Policy Regimes'', editors: Martin Rein, Gøsta Esping-Andersen, and Lee Rainwater (1987) p. 63. *[[Liberalism]] was failing. If I'd been [[Germans|German]] and not a [[Jew]], I could see I might have become a Nazi, a German nationalist. I could see how they'd become passionate about saving the nation. It was a time when you didn't believe there was a future unless the world was fundamentally transformed. **[[Eric Hobsbawm]], “A Question of Faith,” Maya Jaggi, ''The Guardian'' (Sept. 14, 2002) * Had Hitler died in middle of the 1930's, Nazism would probably have shown, under the leadership of a [[Hermann Göring|Goering]], a fundamental change in its course, and the [[World War II|Second World War]] might have been averted. Yet the sepulcher of [[Hitler]], the founder of a Nazi religion, might perhaps have been a greater evil than all the atrocities, bloodshed and destruction of Hitler's war. ** [[Eric Hoffer]], ''The True Believer'' (1951) Ch.18 Good and Bad Mass Movements, §122 == K == *gentiles persecuted the Jews for thousands of years before the Nazis got efficient at it **[[Melanie Kaye/Kantrowitz]] "Some Notes on Jewish Lesbian Identity" in Nice Jewish Girls: A Lesbian Anthology (1982) * The craziest of all political systems, the unique dictatorship, found its earned end. History will note for eternity that the German people were not able on their own initiative to shake off the yoke of the National Socialists. The victory of the [[United States|Americans]], [[British Empire|English]] and [[Soviet Union|Russians]] was a necessary occurrence to disrupt the National Socialists' delusions and plans for [[world domination]]. ** [[Friedrich Kellner]], ''{{w|My Opposition}}'', diary entry for May 1, 1945. * Most of the [[Jim Crow laws|American laws defining race]] are not to be compared with those once enforced by Nazi [[Germany]], the latter being relatively more [[Liberalism|liberal]]. In the view of the Nazis, persons having less than one fourth Jewish blood could qualify as Aryans, whereas many of the American laws specify that persons having one-eighth, one-sixteenth, or 'any ascertainable' [[Black people|Negro]] blood are Negroes in the eyes of the law and subject to all restrictions governing the conduct of Negroes. ** [[w:Stetson_Kennedy|Stetson Kennedy]], ''Jim Crow Guide: The Way it Was'' (1955), Ch.4, "Who is Colored Where". * Much of the pot-pourri of ideas that went to make up Nazi ideology – an amalgam of [[Prejudice|prejudices]], [[phobias]], and [[Utopia|utopian]] social expectations rather than a coherent set of intellectual propositions – was to be found in different forms and intensities before the [[World War I|First World War]],… ** [[Ian Kershaw]], ''Hitler 1889- 1936: Hubris'', New York and London, W.W. Norton & Company (1999) p. 134 * Intensified [[W:Nazism#Anti-capitalism|anti-capitalist]] rhetoric, which Hitler was powerless to quell, worried the business community as much as ever. During the presidential campaign of spring 1932, most business leaders stayed firmly behind [[Paul von Hindenburg|Hindenburg]], and did not favour Hitler. ** [[Ian Kershaw]], ''Hitler 1889- 1936: Hubris'', New York and London, W.W. Norton & Company (1999) p. 359 * For [[Catholic Church|Catholics]]--the other sub-culture which Nazism found greatest difficulty in penetrating, before and after 1933—Hitler was above all seen as the head of a 'godless', anti-Christian movement... On the nationalist-conservative Right, the relatively sympathetic treatment of Hitler at the time of the [[w:Young Plan| Young Plan]] Campaign [1929-30] had given way to hostility. Hitler was portrayed for the most part as intransigent and irresponsible, a wild and vulgar [[demagogue]], not a [[Statesmanship|statesman]], an obstacle to political recovery, the head of an [[Extremism|extremist]] movement with menacing socialistic tendencies. ** [[Ian Kershaw]], ''Hitler 1889-1936: Hubris'', W.W. Norton & Company (1999) p. 412. * Sexual propaganda against the Jews as a race was a cornerstone of the Hitlerian attack on that group in Germany. Both Nazi and [[Japan during World War II|Japanese]] propaganda included attacks on the sexual behavior of Americans at home. ** [[Alfred Kinsey|Alfred Charles Kinsey]], Wardell Baxter Pomeroy, Clyde Eugene Martin, [https://books.google.com/books?id=pfMKrY3VvigC “Sexual Behavior in the Human Male”], Philadelphia: W. B. Saunders Co., (1948), p.389 * The National Socialist state will guarantee that every one of our people finds work.” ** As quoted by Bernhard Köhler, head of the Nazi Party Commission for Economic Policy, in ''Nazi Economics: Ideology, Theory, and Policy'', [[w:Avraham Barkai | Avraham Barkai]], Yale University Press, 1990, p. 169. Source: Bernhard Köhler, ''Unser Wille and Weg 2'', 1932, p. 132 * For the [[Germans|German people]] the battle for work is the turning point from capitalism to socialism because its intention is to provide every member of the nation once again with a job…. When he [Adolf Hitler] said ‘We will liquidate [[unemployment]] by our own strength,’ capitalism received its death blow.” ** As quoted by Bernhard Köhler, ''Nazi Economics: Ideology, Theory, and Policy'', [[w:Avraham Barkai | Avraham Barkai]], Yale University Press, 1990, p. 169, A. Holtz, “Sozialistische Wirtschaft,” ''Der Aufbau'' 4, no. 17, 1936, pp. 6-7 * National Socialism is at bottom incomparably more anti-Western than Bolshevism. ** [[w:Aurel Kolnai | Aurel Kolnai ]], ''[[w:The War Against the West | The War Against the West]]'', New York: NY, The Viking Press (1938) p. 18 * The Nazi State is not a "[[W:Bourgeoisie#Nazism|bourgeois]]" but a "[[Right-wing socialism|Socialist]]" State, on the strength of which it can afford to prevent workers from defending their own interests. ** {{w|Aurel Kolnai}}, ''The War Against the West'' (1938) London, UK, p. 325. == L == == M == * I would say, on the basis of having observe a thousand people in the experiment and having my own intuition shaped and informed by these experiments, that if a system of [[w:Death camps|death camps]] were set up in the United States of the sort we had seen in Nazi Germany, one would find sufficient personnel for those camps in any medium-sized American town. ** [[Stanley Milgram]], Interview on ''Sixty Minutes'' (31 March 1979) * The ‘totalitarian’ label is part of {{w|ideological warfare}} in another way as well – in so far as it covers both Communist and Fascist regimes, and is thereby intended to suggest that they are very similar systems. More specifically, the suggestion is that Communism and Nazism are more or less identical. This may be good propaganda but it is very poor political analysis. There were similarities between [[Stalinism and Nazism]] in the use of mass terror and {{w|mass murder}}. But there were also enormous differences between them. Stalinism was a ‘revolution from above’, which was intended to modernise Russia from top to bottom, on the basis of the {{w|state ownership}} of the [[means of production]] (most of those ‘means of production’ being themselves produced as part of the ‘revolution from above’); and Russia was indeed transformed, at immense cost. Nazism, on the other hand, was, for all its transformative rhetoric, a {{w|counter-revolutionary}} movement and regime, which consolidated capitalist ownership and the economic and {{w|social structure}}s which Hitler had inherited from [[W:Weimar Republic|Weimar]]. As has often been observed, twelve years of absolute Nazi rule did not fundamentally change, and never sought to change fundamentally, the [[social system]] which had existed when Hitler came to power. To assimilate Nazism and Stalinism, and equate them as similarly ‘totalitarian’ movements and regimes of the [[Far-right politics|extreme right]] and the {{w|extreme left}} is to render impossible a proper understanding of their nature, content and purpose. ** {{w|Ralph Miliband}} and {{w|Marcel Liebman}}, "Reflections on Anti-Communism", ''The Socialist Register'' (1984) * To socialize is to [[Nationalization|nationalize]]. ** [[w:Arthur Moeller van den Bruck | Arthur Moeller van den Bruck]] , as quoted in ''The War Against the West'', Aurel Kolnai, New York: NY, The Viking Press, 1938, p.329 [https://archive.org/details/TheWarAgainstTheWest/page/n329] * If you love our country you are national, and if you love our people you are a socialist." ** Sir [[Oswald Mosley]], founder of the British Union of Fascists, [[w:Michael Mann (sociologist)|Michael Mann]], ''Fascists'', New York: NY, Cambridge University Press (2006} p. 7. * '''Historians have a word for [[Germans]] who joined the Nazi party, not because they hated Jews, but out of a hope for restored [[patriotism]], or a sense of economic anxiety, or a hope to preserve their religious values, or dislike of their opponents, or raw political [[Opportunity|opportunism]], or convenience, or [[ignorance]], or [[greed]].'''<p>'''That word is "Nazi." Nobody cares about their motives anymore.'''<p>'''They joined what they joined. They lent their support and their moral approval. And, in so doing, they bound themselves to everything that came after. Who cares any more what particular knot they used in the binding?''' ** A.R. Moxon, "[http://www.armoxon.com/2017/01/sky.html Sky]", ''A.R. Moxon'' ({{#formatdate:2017-01-16}}), quoted in {{citation|author=David Atkins|title=Stop Making Excuses for Trump Supporters|date=2019-07-20|periodical=Washington Monthly|issn=0043-0633|url=https://washingtonmonthly.com/2019/07/20/its-2019-time-to-stop-making-excuses-for-trump-supporters/}} * Thirty centuries of [[history]] allow us to look with supreme pity on certain doctrines which are preached beyond the Alps by the descendants of those who were illiterate when [[Rome (ancient city)|Rome]] had [[Julius Caesar|Caesar]], [[Virgil]] and [[Augustus]]. ** [[Benito Mussolini]]'s early opinion of Nazism, as quoted in ''Hitler's Ten-year War on the Jews'' (1946), by Institute of Jewish Affairs == N == * Only members of the nation may be citizens of the state. Only those of [[w:Aryan race|pure White blood]]... may be members of the nation. ** [[w:National Socialist Movement (United States)|National Socialist Movement of the U.S.]], [https://web.archive.org/web/20140904023924/http://www.nsm88.org/25points/25pointsengl.html ''25 Points of American National Socialism''] (3 September 2014). * The common good before the individual good. (''Gemeinnutz geht vor Eigennutz'') ** [[w: National Socialist Program| The Nazi 25-point Program]], Adolf Hitler proclaimed his party's program on February 24, 1920 in Munich, Germany. ''Nazi Ideology Before 1933: A Documentation'', Barbara Miller Lane, ‎Leila J. Rupp, introduction and translation, Manchester University Press (1978) p. 43. ** [[Konrad Heiden]] translated this line as “The good of the state before the good of the individual” in his ''A History of National Socialism'', (1935) p. 17. * [[Antisemitism|No Jew]] [[Homophobia|or homosexual]] may be a member of the nation. ** [[w:National Socialist Movement (United States)|National Socialist Movement of the U.S.]], [https://web.archive.org/web/20140904023924/http://www.nsm88.org/25points/25pointsengl.html ''25 Points of American National Socialism''] (3 September 2014). * '''When the Nazis came for the communists,<br />I remained silent;<br />I was not a communist.<br /><br />When they locked up the [[Social democracy|social democrats]],<br /> I remained silent;<br />I was not a social democrat.<br /><br />When they came for the trade unionists,<br />I did not speak out;<br />I was not a trade unionist.<br /><br />When they came for the Jews,<br />I remained silent;<br />I wasn't a Jew.<br /><br />When they came for me,<br>there was no one left to speak out.''' ** [[Martin Niemöller]], "[[w:First they came...|First they came...]]", a speech (6 January 1946) * [[J. Robert Oppenheimer]]: You're talking about turning theory into [[nuclear weapons|a practical weapons system]] faster than the Nazis. <br> [[Leslie Groves]]: Who have a twelve month head start. <br> J. Robert Oppenheimer: Eighteen. <br> Leslie Groves: How could you possibly know that? <br> [[J. Robert Oppenheimer]]: Our fast neutron research took six months. The man they've undoubtedly put in charge will have made that leap instantly. <br> Leslie Groves: Who do you think they put in charge? <br> J. Robert Oppenheimer''': [[Werner Heisenberg]]. He has the most intuitive understanding of atomic structure I've ever seen. <br> Leslie Groves''': You know his work? <br> J. Robert Oppenheimer''': I know ''him''. Just like I know [[w:Walter Bothe|Walter Bothe]], [[w:Carl Friedrich von Weizsäcker|von Weizsäcker]], [[w:Kurt Diebner|Diebner]]... In a straight race, the Germans win. We've got one hope. <br> Leslie Groves: Which is? <br> J. Robert Oppenheimer: [[Antisemitism]]. <br> Leslie Groves: What? <br> J. Robert Oppenheimer: [[Hitler]] called [[quantum mechanics|quantum physics]] "Jewish [[science]]", said it right to [[Einstein]]'s face. Our one hope is that Hitler is so, so blinded by hate that he's denied Heisenberg proper resources, because it'll take vast resources. ** [[Christopher Nolan]], writer/director of ''[[Oppenheimer (film)|Oppenheimer]]'' (2023) the film, as interpreted by [[Matt Damon]] and [[Cillian Murphy]]. == O == [[File:Reichsparteitag 1935 mod.jpg|thumb|right|[[Fascism]], at any rate the German version, is a form of [[capitalism]] that borrows from [[Socialism]] just such features as will make it efficient for [[war]] purposes. ~ [[George Orwell]] ]] * In fact, all over Germany the [Nazi] party seemed to pour propagandistic venom on the capitalists and decadent bourgeoisie. ** Dietrich Orlow, ''The Nazi Party 1919-1945: A Complete History'', Enigma Books (2010) p. 61, referring to the 1926-1927 time period * [[Fascism]], at any rate the German version, is a form of [[capitalism]] that borrows from [[Socialism]] just such features as will make it efficient for [[war]] [[purposes]]. Internally, Germany has a good deal in common with a Socialist state. Ownership has never been abolished, there are still capitalists and workers, and—this is the important point, and the real reason why rich men all over the world tend to sympathise with Fascism—generally speaking the same people are capitalists and the same people workers as before the Nazi revolution. '''But at the same time the State, which is simply the Nazi Party, is in control of everything.''' It controls investment, raw materials, rates of interest, working hours, wages. '''The factory owner still owns his factory, but he is for practical purposes reduced to the status of a [[manager]]. Everyone is in effect a State employee, though the salaries vary very greatly.''' The mere efficiency of such a system, the elimination of waste and obstruction, is obvious. In seven years it has built up the most powerful war machine the world has ever seen. ** [[George Orwell]], ''The Lion and the Unicorn'' (1941) * '''National Socialism ''is'' a form of Socialism, ''is'' emphatically revolutionary, ''does'' crush the property owner as surely as it crushes the worker. The two regimes, having started from opposite ends, are rapidly evolving towards the same system—a form of [[Oligarchy|oligarchical]] [[collectivism]]'''. . . . It is Germany that is moving towards Russia, rather than the other way about. It is therefore nonsense to talk about Germany ‘going Bolshevik’ if Hitler falls. Germany is going Bolshevik ''because'' of Hitler and not in spite of him. ** [[George Orwell]],''Orwell: My Country Left or Right 1940 to 1943, Vol. 2, Essays, Journalism & Letters'', Sonia Orwell and Ian Angus, edit., Boston, MA, Nonpareil Books (2000), p. 25, originally from “Review of ''The Totalitarian Enemy'' by F. Borkenau,” ''Time and Tide'' (4 May 1940) * In the long run the Nazi movement was moving to a position in which the economic New Order would be controlled by the Party through a [[Bureaucracy|bureaucratic]] apparatus staffed by [[Technocracy|technical experts]] and dominated by political interests, not unlike the system that had already been built up in the [[Soviet Union]]. ** [[Richard Overy]], ''War and Economy in the Third Reich'', Oxford: UK, Oxford University Press, 1994, p. 118 * During the Third Reich state ownership expanded into the productive sectors, based on the strategic industries, [[aviation]], [[w:Aluminum|aluminium]], [[w:Synthetic oil|synthetic oil]] and rubber, [[Chemical|chemicals]], [[iron]] and [[steel]], and army equipment. Government finances for state-owned enterprises rose from RM 4,000m in 1933 to RM 16,000m 10 years later; the capital assets of state-owned industry doubled during the same period; the number of state-owned firms topped 500. ** [[Richard Overy]], ''War and Economy in the Third Reich'', Oxford: Clarendon, (1994) p.16 == P == * Some of the similarities and parallels include: Frequent recognition by Hitler and various Nazi leaders (and also Mussolini) that their only revolutionary and ideological counterparts were to be found in the Soviet Union . . . [and the] espousal of the have-not, proletarian-nation theory, which Lenin adopted only after it had been introduce in Italy . . . Hitlerian National Socialism more nearly paralleled {{w|Russian communism}} than has any other non-[[Communist system]]. ** [[Stanley G. Payne]], ''A History of Fascism, 1914-1945'', University of Wisconsin Press (1995) pp. 210-211 * At the Twelfth Party Congress in Moscow in 1923, [[Nikolai Bukharin|Nikolai Bukharin]] stressed that the Nazi Party had ‘inherited Bolshevik political culture exactly as Italian Fascism had done.’ On June 20, 1923, [[Karl Radek]] gave a speech before the Comintern Executive Committee proposing a common front with the Nazis in Germany. ** [[Stanley G. Payne]], ''A History of Fascism, 1914-1945'', University of Wisconsin Press, 1995, p. 126 * If demands coming under the first of these principles were interpreted objectively, something very much resembling [[Marxism|Marxian communism]] would result. Here are some of them: abolition of all [[Profit|income]] not earned by work; workers to share the [[Profit|profits]] of the large industries; abolition of land rent, and enactment of a law under which [[land]] might be confiscated without compensation for purposes of common interests; [[Nationalization|socialization]] of all incorporated [[business]] organizations. ** Kate Pinsdorf on the [[w:National Socialist Program|NSDAP's programme]], in '[https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/american-political-science-review/article/nature-and-aims-of-the-national-socialist-german-labor-party/6FB58959AF43C406669A0FE08473317F Nature and Aims of the National Socialist German Labor Party]', ''The American Political Science Review'', Vol. 25, No. 2 (May 1931), pp. 377-388 == R == * [[Biology]] and [[genetics]] are the roots form which the National Socialist world-view has grown. ** [[w:Rudolf Ramm|Rudolf Ramm]], 1943; as qtd. in Proctor, Robert (1988). [https://www.google.com/books/edition/Racial_Hygiene/hogbxS2Gp1QC?hl=en&gbpv=1&printsec=frontcover “Racial Hygiene: Medicine Under the Nazis”]. Cambridge, MA: ''Harvard University Press''. ”The Origins of Racial Hygiene”, p.10 * [[Goebbels]] saw the ultimate enemy as international capitalism, and those who held power in Germany as its lackey, betraying their nation for personal gain. These were the traditional targets of the [[Communists]], of course, so the Nazis and the KPD, the [[w:Communist_Party_of_Germany|Communist Party of Germany]], were in direct competition for the same constituency, two rabid dogs fighting for one bone… And Goebbels, who has so recently been happy to describe himself as a ‘German Communist’ led the fight with all the intensity of a religious convert. ** [[w:Anthony Read |Anthony Read]], ''The Devil’s Disciples: Hitler’s Inner Circle'', New York: NY and London: UK,, W. W. Norton & Company, Inc. (2004) pp. 141-142 * Such terms as communism, socialism, [[w:Fabian_socialism|Fabianism]], the [[welfare state]], Nazism, fascism, state interventionism, [[egalitarianism]], the [[planned economy]], the [[New Deal]], the [[w:Fair_Deal|Fair Deal]], the [[w:New_Republicanism|New Republicanism]], the [[w:New_Frontier|New Frontier]] are simply different labels for much the same thing. ** [[Leonard E. Read]], [https://cdn.mises.org/Elements%20of%20Libertarian%20Leadership_2.pdf Elements of Libertarian Leadership] (1962), pp 62-63 * The basis of National Socialism’s [[w:Mass psychology|mass psychology]] differs from that of [[w:Wilhelm II|Wilhelmian]] [[imperialism]] in that the former had a pauperized middle class, whereas the German empire had a prosperous middle class as its mass basis. Thus, the Christianity of Wilhelmian imperialism had to be different from the [[Christianity]] of National Socialism. For all that, the ideological modifications did not undermine the fundamentals of the mystical world view in the least; rather they intensified its function. <br> To begin with, National Socialism rejected the [[Old Testament]] as being ‘[[Jewish]]’ - that, at least, was the position of its well-known exponent, Rosenberg, who belonged to the right wing. In the same way the [[internationalism]] of the [[Roman Catholic Church]] was regarded as ‘Jewish’. The international church was to be replaced by the ‘[[German]]’. ** [[Wilhelm Reich]], ''The Mass Psychology of Fascism'', (1933), p. 117. * We have already seen how the [[ideology]] of [[national]] [[honour]] derives from [[authoritarian]] ideology and the latter from the sex-negation regulation of [[sexuality]]. Neither [[Christianity]] nor National Socialism attacks the institution of compulsive [[marriage]]: for the former, apart from its function of procreation, marriage is a ‘complete, life-long union’; for the National Socialists it is a [[biologically]] rooted institution for the preservation of [[racial]] [[purity]]. Outside of compulsive marriage, there is no sexuality for either of them. ** [[Wilhelm Reich]], ''The Mass Psychology of Fascism'', (1933), p. 119. * [[Italian]] and [[German]] National Socialism became international [[fascism]]. In the strict sense of the word it attracted masses on an international scale in the form of a perverse ‘nationalistic internationalism’. In this form it crushed genuine democratic revolts in [[Spain]] and in [[Austria]]. ** [[Wilhelm Reich]], ''The Mass Psychology of Fascism'', (1933), p. 228. * Profits are so completely subordinated in [Nazi] Germany and [Fascist] Italy to requirements of a militarily conceived national interest and of full employment that the maintenance of the profit principle is purely theoretical. ** [[w:Howard Richards (academic)| Howard Richards]] and Joanna Swanger, "The Dilemmas of Social Democracies: Overcoming Obstacles to a More Just World", Lexington Books, (2008) p. 192 * '''Nazi forces are not seeking mere modifications in colonial maps or in minor European boundaries. They openly seek the destruction of all [[Democracy|elective systems of government]] on every continent-including [[North America|our own]]; they seek to establish systems of government based on the regimentation of all human beings by a handful of individual rulers who have seized power by force. These men and their hypnotized followers call this a new order. It is not new. It is not order.''' ** [[Franklin Roosevelt]], Address to the Annual Dinner for White House Correspondents' Association, Washington, D.C. (15 March 1941). A similar (but misleading 'quote') is inscribed on the [[w:Franklin Delano Roosevelt Memorial|FDR memorial]], in Washington D. C., which says "They (who) seek to establish systems of government based on the regimentation of all human beings by a handful of individual rulers... Call this a New Order. It is not new and it is not order" * A totalitarian government with a scientific bent might do things that to us would seem horrifying. The Nazis were more scientific than the present rulers of Russia, and were more inclined towards the sort of atrocities that I have in mind. ** [[Bertrand Russell]], in ''The Impact of Science on Society'' (1951) == S == [[File:Scholl-Denkmal,_München.jpg|thumb|He continued with a leer: “If some of you [[girls]] lack sufficient [[charm]] to find a mate, I will be glad to assign you one of my adjutants for whose ancestry I can vouch I can promise you a thoroughly enjoyable experience.” [[w:Paul Giesler|Giesler]]’s performance inspired foot-shuffling, murmurs, heckling, whistles, women and men walking out, and, finally, a full-fledged protest. SS men at the doors could not control the demonstration, which spilled out into [[w:Ludwigstrasse|Ludwigstrasse]]. [[Arm]] in arm, the [[students]] [[sang]] and [[chanted]] [[slogans]] in the only open display of political defiance that ever occurred in Nazi Germany. A month later, three uncowed student distributors of the [[pamphlets]], the leaders of the [[w:White Rose|White Rose]] Resistance group, were beheaded by guillotine on [[w:Heinrich Himmler|Himmler]]’s explicit orders. ~ Roger Shattuck]] * I hated the [[brutality]], the [[Sadism and masochism|sadism]], and the [[insanity]] of Nazism. I just couldn't stand by and see people destroyed. I did what I could, what I had to do, what my [[conscience]] told me I must do. That's all there is to it. Really, nothing more. ** [[Oskar Schindler]], Oskar Schindler speaking about his take on the final solution (refers to the German Nazis' plan to engage in systematic genocide against the European Jewish population during World War II) * I have a message to the neo-Nazis, to the [[White nationalism|white nationalists]], and to the neo-[[Confederates]]: Your heroes are losers. You are supporting a lost cause. And believe me, I knew the original Nazis, because you see, I was born in [[Austria]] in 1947, shortly [[Aftermath of World War II|after the Second World War]]. And growing up, I was surrounded by broken men, men who came home from [[World War II|a war filled with shrapnel and guilt]], men who were misled into a losing [[ideology]]. And I can tell you: that these [[ghosts]] you idolize spent the rest of their lives living in [[shame]] and right now, they’re resting in [[hell]]. ** [[Arnold Schwarzenegger]], -,[https://twitter.com/attn/status/898328098529083394 ATTN video] (August 2017) * Where will he go next, this phantom from another time, this resurrected ghost of a previous nightmare? Chicago? Los Angeles? Miami, Florida? Vincennes, Indiana? Syracuse, New York? Any place, every place, where there's hate, where there's prejudice, where there's bigotry — he's alive. He's alive so long as these evils exist. Remember that when he comes to your town. Remember it when you hear his voice speaking out through others. Remember it when you hear a name called, a minority attacked, any blind, unreasoning assault on a people or any human being. He's alive, because through these things, we keep him alive. ** [[Rod Serling]], [[The Twilight Zone (1959 TV series)|The Twilight Zone]], ''[[w:He's Alive|He's Alive]]'', January 24, 1963 * He continued with a leer: “If some of you [[girls]] lack sufficient [[charm]] to find a mate, I will be glad to assign you one of my adjutants for whose ancestry I can vouch I can promise you a thoroughly enjoyable experience” (quoted in Richard Hanser, “A Noble Treason, 220). [[w:Paul Giesler|Giesler]]’s performance inspired foot-shuffling, murmurs, heckling, whistles, women and men walking out, and, finally, a full-fledged protest. SS men at the doors could not control the demonstration, which spilled out into [[w:Ludwigstrasse|Ludwigstrasse]]. [[Arm]] in arm, the [[students]] [[sang]] and [[chanted]] [[slogans]] in the only open display of political defiance that ever occurred in Nazi Germany. A month later, three uncowed student distributors of the [[pamphlets]], the leaders of the [[w:White Rose|White Rose]] Resistance group, were beheaded by guillotine on [[w:Heinrich Himmler|Himmler]]’s explicit orders. ** Roger Shattuck, [https://books.google.com/books?id=5u3se3N0bZQC&pg=PA197&lpg=PA197#v=onepage&q&f=false “Forbidden Knowledge: From Prometheus to Pornography”], ''San Diego, California: Harcourt Brace and Company'', 1996, p.207 * When the Nazis invaded and occupied other countries in Europe, particularly those considered Aryan, they began to claim for the Third Reich children fathered by German troops. A few ''[[w:Lebensborn|Lebensborn]]'' homes were established outside Germany. In some cases, mothers were kidnapped with their children. As time went on, a vast operation of baby snatching to supply the foreseeable need for manpower was carried out under [[Himmler]]’s direction. The children were selected according to strict physiognomic rules and measurements based on race. The undesirables were sent to labor camps or simply eliminated-by allowing them to freeze to death, for example. Severe discipline, brandings, and injections to hasten maturity were common. The preferred children were separated from their mothers indoctrinated with Nazi propaganda, adopted by German families, and repossessed at puberty by the state. <br> By this large-scale breeding and resettlement project in positive eugenics, Himmler and his associates exploited scientific research for social purposes-to augment the German birthrate and to monitor the racial purity of the population. According to Hillel and Henry, these goals were never achieved, despite Himmler’s personal interest. Little wonder. Not only did this mad Faustian raid on scientific knowledge violate the sanctity of human life, it relied on erroneous science. ** Roger Shattuck, [https://books.google.com/books?id=5u3se3N0bZQC&pg=PA197&lpg=PA197#v=onepage&q&f=false “Forbidden Knowledge: From Prometheus to Pornography”], San Diego, California: Harcourt Brace and Company, 1996, p.207 * Buried under mountains of red tape, [[Planned economy|directed by the State]] as to what they could [[Production|produce]], how much and at what [[price]], burdened by increasing [[taxation]] and milked by steep and never ending 'special contributions' to the party, the [[Businessperson|businessmen]], who had to welcome Hitler's regime so enthusiastically because they expected it to destroy [[Trade unions|organized labor]] and allow an entrepreneur to practice untrammeled [[free enterprise]], became greatly disillusioned... [[w:Fritz Thyssen | Fritz Thyssen]], one of the earliest and biggest contributors to the party,... recognized that the 'Nazi regime has ruined German industry.' ** [[William L. Shirer]], ''The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich: A History of Nazi Germany'', New York: NY, Simon & Schuster, 2011, p. 261. * Today people commonly use the word "[[fascism]]" instead of "national socialism." Presumably this is what you are asking. No. [[Adolf Hitler|Hitlerism]] had racism as its essential [[Dogma|dogmatic]] foundation. But in a [[Multiculturalism|multiethnic]] country, such an ideology has no chance of success. And [[Russia]] has never had such a movement. But if we speak about the rampage of militant chauvinism, then it exists--and in bloody form--in several republics of the former [[Soviet Union|U.S.S.R.]], but certainly not in Russia. And if one were to count all the instances of [[violence]] perpetrated on [[Nationalism|nationalist]] grounds and in local wars, all of them took place outside of Russia and were not perpetrated by [[Russians]]. ** [[Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn]], [https://www.forbes.com/2008/08/05/solzhenitsyn-forbes-interview-oped-cx_pm_0804russia.html?sh=510b79d25f53 Interview With Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn on the New Russia and Ukraine (May 1994)], by Paul Klebnikov, in the (9 May 1994), issue of ''Forbes'' magazine * In contrast to the asexual chasteness of official {{w|communist art}}, {{w|Nazi art}} is both prurient and idealizing. A [[Utopia|utopian]] [[aesthetics]] (physical perfection; identity as a biological given) implies an ideal eroticism: [[sexuality]] converted into the magnetism of leaders and the joy of followers. The fascist ideal is to transform sexual energy into a "spiritual" force, for the benefit of the community. ** [[Susan Sontag]], in "Fascinating Fascism" (1974), published in ''The New York Review of Books'' (6 February 1975) and reprinted in Sontag's ''Under the Sign of Saturn'' (1980), p. 93 * Is it really true that German fascist troops are invincible, as is ceaselessly trumpeted by the boastful [[Fascism|fascist]] [[Propaganda|propagandists]]? Of course not! [[History]] shows that there are no invincible armies and never have been. [[Napoleon]]'s [[French Army|army]] was considered invincible but it was beaten successively by Russian, English and German armies. [[Wilhelm II, German Emperor|Kaiser Wilhelm]]'s German Army in the period of the first [[Imperialism|imperialist]] war was also considered invincible, but it was beaten several times by the [[wikipedia:Allies_of_World_War_I|Russian and Anglo-French forces]] and was finally smashed by the Anglo-French forces. The same must be said of Hitler's German fascist army today. This army had not yet met with serious resistance on the continent of Europe. Only on our territory has it met serious resistance. And if, as a result of this resistance, the finest divisions of Hitler's German fascist army have been defeated by our Red Army, it means that this army too can be smashed and will be smashed as were the armies of Napoleon and Wilhelm. ** [[Joseph Stalin]], [https://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/stalin-speaks-to-the-people-of-the-soviet-union-on-german-invasion-july-1941 Speech to the People of the Soviet Union on German Invasion], July 3, 1941 * The enemy is cruel and implacable. He is out to seize our [[Land|lands]], watered with our sweat, to seize our [[grain]] and [[oil]] secured by our labor. He is out to restore the rule of [[Landlord|landlords]], to restore Tsarism, to destroy national culture and the national state existence of the [[Russians]], [[Ukrainians]], [[Byelorussia|Byelo-Russians]], [[Lithuania|Lithuanians]], [[Latvia|Letts]], [[Estonia|Esthonians]], [[w:Uzbekistan|Uzbeks]], [[w:Tatars|Tatars]], [[w:Moldova|Moldavians]], [[Georgia (country)|Georgians]], [[Armenians]], [[Azerbaijan|Azerbaijanians]] and the other free people of the [[Soviet Union]], to Germanize them, to convert them into the slaves of German [[Prince|princes]] and barons. Thus the issue is one of life or death for the Soviet State, for the peoples of the USSR; the issue is whether the peoples of the Soviet Union shall remain free or fall into slavery. ** [[Joseph Stalin]], [https://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/stalin-speaks-to-the-people-of-the-soviet-union-on-german-invasion-july-1941 Speech to the People of the Soviet Union on German Invasion], July 3, 1941 == T == * Conscious of the hazards inherent in the use of {{w|interuterine device}}s, [[w:Ernst Grafenberg|Dr Grafenberg]] took up the search for the serviceable IUD in the early 1920s. Whether he knew about Dr Richter's pessary remains an open question. Initially, he used star-shaped devices and coils of silkworm gut (1924). Because they were expelled too readily, he conceived the Ring IUD, made of helicoidal1y wound silver filaments, which still bears his name. He did not hesitate to publish clinical results (1928-30), thus making his invention known beyond the boundaries of his native Germany. Shortly thereafter, other [[European]] physicians added statistics, issuing an increasing number of damaging reports of [[w:Pelvic inflammatory disease|pelvic inflammatory disease]] associated with IUD use. Gräfenberg's last presentation on the subject was in 1931 at the [[w:German Congress of Gynecology|German Congress of Gynecology]] in [[w:Frankfurt|Frankfurt]]. His report was denounced by virtually all leaders of German gynecology attending the congress, who branded intrauterine contraception as a medically unacceptable method of [[birth control]]. Shortly thereafter, the streamroller of the [[Nazi]] regime started poisoning the air of Germany. [[Jewish]] physicians were removed from the hospital posts and [[contraception]] was proclaimed to be a threat to the physical and [[mental health]] of Aryan women. Ultimately, the advertising of contraceptives and/or contraceptive [[advice]] became illegal in Germany and the other [[w:Axis Powers|Axis States]]. ** Thiery, M., [https://web.archive.org/web/20060820044102/http:/www.contrel.be/Articles%20and%20videos/Pioneers%20of%20the%20intrauterine%20device.pdf "Pioneers of the Intrauterine Device"], "Pioneers of the intrauterine device" (PDF). ''European Journal of Contraception and Reproductive Health Care''. 2 (1): pp.16-17. (March 1997). * In no way was Hitler the tool of big business. He was its lenient master. So was Mussolini except that he was weaker. ** [[Norman Thomas]], ''A Socialist’s Faith'', W. W. Norton, 1951, p. 53. Former presidential candidate for the Socialist Party of America. * [B]oth the communists and fascists revolutions definitely abolished [[laissez-faire]] capitalism in favor of one or another kind and degree of [[state capitalism]]. ** [[Norman Thomas]], ''A Socialist’s Faith'', W. W. Norton, 1951, p. 55. Former presidential candidate for the Socialist Party of America. * And now the beginning of the expropriation of church lands in Austria, have all revealed the true face of National Socialism, which more and more among pious Germans is called, under their breaths, ‘the brown Bolshevism.’ ** [[Dorothy Thompson]], "Let the Record Speak", Boston: MA, Houghton Mifflin Company (1939) p. 295 (newspaper column: “Pius XII—the former Diplomat,” March, 6, 1939) * Having first robbed the Jews, the Nazis are beginning to rob the Church, and later will almost certainly expropriate what is left of the [[bourgeoisie]] property. ** [[Dorothy Thompson]], “On the Record”, ''Harrisburg Telegraph'', Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, March 6, 1939, p. 7. * Soon [Nazi] Germany will not be any different from Bolshevik Russia; the heads of enterprises who do not fulfill the conditions which the ‘Plan’ prescribes will be accused of treason against the German people, and shot. ** {{w|Fritz Thyssen}}, as quoted in ''The Dictators: Hitler’s Germany, Stalin’s Russia'', [[w:Richard Overy | R. J. Overy]], New York/London, W.W. Norton & Company, 2004, p. 392. * Most cruel joke of all, however, has been played by Hitler & Co. on those German capitalists and small businessmen who once backed Nation Socialism as a means of saving Germany's bourgeois economic structure from [[radicalism]]. The Nazi credo that the individual belongs to the state also applies to business. Some businesses have been [[Nationalization|confiscated]] outright, on other what amounts to a capital tax has been levied. [[Profit|Profits]] have been strictly controlled. Some idea of the increasing Governmental control and interference in business could be deduced from the fact that 80% of all building and 50% of all industrial orders in Germany originated last year with the Government. Hard-pressed for food-stuffs as well as funds, the Nazi regime has taken over large estates and in many instances collectivized agriculture, a procedure fundamentally similar to [[Marxism–Leninism|Russian Communism]]. ** ''Time'' magazine (Jan. 2, 1939) [https://web.archive.org/web/20221115200200/https://content.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,760539-6,00.html "Adolf Hitler: Man of 1938" ] == V == * Marxism would be a phenomenon of little more than historical interest, seeing that it has failed even in its principal stronghold, were it not so closely akin to National Socialism. National Socialism would have been inconceivable without Marxism. ** [[Frederick Augustus Voigt]], ''Unto Caesar '', New York: NY, G.P. Putnam’s Sons, 1938, p. 38 * [[Marxism]] has led to Fascism and National-Socialism, because, in all essentials, it is Fascism and National Socialism. ** [[Frederick Augustus Voigt]], ''Unto Cæsar'', New York: NY, G.P. Putnam’s Sons (1938), p. 85 == W == [[File:The day after Kristallnacht.jpg |thumb|right|For the first [[time]], I am [[ashamed]] to be a [[German]]. ~ [[Wilhelm II of Germany‎‎]] ]] * Nazism, for all its [[Revolution|revolutionary]] jargon, represented in its essence a reaction against the [[19th century|nineteenth-century]] faith in human [[progress]]. It was an attempt to seize history by the collar and frog-march it in a direction determined primary by the selfish interests and obsessive beliefs of those in power. From the outset it wan an {{w|anti-intellectual}} movement, offering its adherents the spurious solidarity of the street gang and the prospective enjoyment of stolen booty. ** [[Bernard Wasserstein]], {{cite book |title=Barbarism and Civilization: A History of Europe in our Time |date=2009 |publisher=''{{w|Oxford University Press}}'' |isbn=978-0-19-162251-9 |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=XicFgasYzWQC&pg=PA244 |page=203}} * '''As soon as he became [[w:Chancellor of Germany#History of the office (pre-1949)|Chancellor]]... [[Adolf Hitler|Hitler]] prevailed''' upon [[Paul von Hindenburg|President Hindenburg]] '''to call new elections'''. ...[H]e hoped to gain enough strength in the [[w:Reichstag (Weimar Republic)|Reichstag]] '''to pass an [[w:Enabling Act of 1933|Enabling Act]], which would allow him to {{w|rule by decree}}'''. ...During the campaign, the [[w:Nazi Party|NSDAP]] ...exploited the fact that they now had some control... Prussian Minister of the Interior '''[[Hermann Göring|Goering]] established a 50,000-strong auxiliary police force, including 25,000 [[w:Sturmabteilung|SA]] members and 15,000 [[w:Schutzstaffel|SS]] men. This both legitimised [[Nazism|National Socialist]] [[w:Terror (politics)|terror]] against their political opponents'''—especially the [[w:Social Democratic Party of Germany|Social Democrats]] and the [[Communism|Communists]]—'''and shifted the burden for funding... the''' NSDAP’s '''{{w|paramilitary}} machine'''... to the state.. '''claiming it was needed to forestall an imminent [[revolt]] from the [[Left-wing politics|left]]. ...[T]his ...heightened the ...[[hysteria]] among the [[wikt:electorate#Noun|electorate]], which ...boosted support''' for the NSDAP. ** {{w|Adrian Weale}}, ''The SS: A New History'' (2010) pp. 81-82. <small>'''Ref''': {{w|Alan Bullock}}, ''Hitler: A Study in Tyranny'' (1990) p. 273.</small> * All this would change when Adolf Hitler came to power in 1933 because his deductions from the war differed in important respects from those of others. [[War]] had been an intended and even a preferred part of National Socialist policy from the beginning, not so much out of a preference for fighting for its own sake, but from the entirely accurate conviction that the aim of German expansion could be secured only by war. Germany was to seize the agricultural land needed to feed its population, a population that would grow further as it obtained such land, and which would accordingly expand its needs and its lands into the indefinite future. This crude [[w:Social Darwinism|Social Darwinism]], in which [[Race|racial groups]] fought for land which could provide the means of [[subsistence]], expelling or exterminating but never assimilating other groups, was derived from a view of [[history]] as [[Determinism|deterministic]] as that of [[Karl Marx|Marx]], but substituting race for [[Class conflict|class]] as the key to understanding.’ Its application had internal as well as external implications. ** Gerald L. Weinberg, ''A World at Arms : A Global History of World War II'' (2005) Cambridge University Press. *For the Nazis, race conflict was the driving motor of history. Hard, vigorous, masculine struggle against degenerate races, and against the degenerate members of their own group, marked the synthesis of race-based [[history]] and [[anthropology]], a particularly radical, Nazi version of [[w:Social Darwinism|Social Darwinism]]. Each group, in this view, had an inherent drive to flourish, which necessitated expanded living space and continual conflict with other races. Out of the harshness of struggle, a still more vital and creative race would emerge. Since nature is “[[Aristocracy|aristocratic]]” in essence, it favors the victory of the strong while it demands the “annihilation or unconditional surrender of the weaker.” Indeed, [[Judaism]] is nature-destroying, because its [[ideology]], [[Marxism]], “rejects the [[Aristocracy|aristocratic]] principle of [[Nature]] and replaces the eternal privilege of [[power]] and [[strength]] by the mass of numbers and their dead weight. Thus it denies the value of [[personality]] in man, contests the significance of nationality and race, and thereby withdraws from humanity the premise of its existence and its culture.” History was fast approaching that cataclysmic moment of decision, a fateful clash worthy of [[Book of Revelation|Revelations]]. **Eric D. Weitz, ''A Century of Genocide'' (2018), p. 107. *The total state led by the Fuhrer was, however, never simply a [[dictatorship]] of one man. The new [[politics]] advocated by the Nazis, the vast project of [[Social engineering|social and biological engineering]] that they instigated, required popular participation. Goebbels, as minister for popular enlightenment and [[propaganda]], made clear that the regime, the express “will” of the nation, also had to win to its side those elements of the national community that still resisted the siren song of National Socialism. They could not just be “terrorized” but had to be won over through hard work, including propaganda. But [[dissent]] could not be tolerated. The claims of the Nazi movement and state upon the individual were total. The National Socialist Revolution, asserted Goebbels, “does not stop for [the realm] of private life.” These totalizing ambitions required not just obedience but also participation. The [[state]] had to “set the masses in motion,” as Goebbels put it. If Hitler did not deign to intervene directly in every policy matter, Hitler’s followers believed that “working toward the Fuhrer,” pursuing his goals without his express orders, placed them in accord with the movement of history. Nazi views on the total state and popular mobilization concurred with strategic doctrine, Hitler’s as well as the [[w:Wehrmacht|Wehrmacht]]’s. In Nazi doctrine, war would allow the race to flourish; to pursue the war successfully, the race had to be purified. Since the coming conflict was never simply a campaign of territorial conquest but always a racial, ideological war, the links between domestic and foreign policy were particularly tight in Nazi Germany. **Eric D. Weitz, ''A Century of Genocide'' (2018), pp. 112-113. * The gentlemen of the National Socialist party call the movement they have unleashed a national revolution, not a National Socialist one. So far, the relationship of their revolution to socialism has been limited to the attempt to destroy the social democratic movement, which for more than two generations has been the bearer of socialist ideas and will remain so. If the gentlemen of the National Socialist Party wanted to perform socialist acts, they would not need an [[w:Enabling Law|Enabling Law]]. They would be assured of an overwhelming majority in this house. Every motion submitted by them in the interest of workers, farmers, white-collar employees, civil servants, or the middle class could expect to be approved, if not unanimously, then certainly with an enormous majority. ** [[Otto Wels]], Speech opposing the Passage of the Nazi [[w:Enabling Act of 1933|Enabling Act]] (1933). [http://germanhistorydocs.ghi-dc.org/pdf/eng/English_6.pdf] * It is impossible to engage in intellectual discourse with National Socialist Philosophy, for if there were such an [[entity]], one would have to try by means of analysis and discussion either to prove its validity or to combat it. In actuality, however, we face a totally different situation. At its very inception this movement depended on the [[deception]] and [[betrayal]] of one's fellow man; even at that [[time]] it was inwardly [[corrupt]] and could support itself only by constant [[lies]]. ** [[White Rose|The White Rose]], [http://zulutango.com/whiterose/leaftwoeng.html Second leaflet] * Though we know that National Socialist power must be broken by military means, we are trying to achieve a renewal from within of the severely wounded German spirit. This rebirth must be preceded, however, by the clear recognition of all the guilt with which the German people have burdened themselves, and by an uncompromising battle against [[Adolf Hitler|Hitler]] and his all too many minions… ** [[White Rose|The White Rose]], [http://zulutango.com/whiterose/leaffoureng.html Fourth Leaflet] * For the first [[time]], I am [[ashamed]] to be a [[Germany|German]]. ** [[Wilhelm II of Germany‎‎]], in regard to Nazi anti-Jewish campaigns, after [[w:Kristallnacht|Kristallnacht]], however this statement seems to [[w:Wilhelm II of Germany#Antisemitism|contradict his other statements regarding Jews]]. (November 1938); as quoted in ''Our German Cousins : Anglo-German Relations in the 19th and 20th Centuries'' (1974) by John Mander, p. 219 * '''The tragedy is not that nonviolence did not work against the Nazis, but that it was so seldom utilized ...The churches as a whole were too docile or anti-semitic, and too ignorant of the nonviolent message of the Gospel, to act effectively to resist the Nazis or act in solidarity with the [[Jews]].''' ** [[Walter Wink]], ''Engaging the Powers: Discernment and Resistance in a World of Domination'' (1992), p. 254-256<!-- Minneapolis: Fortress Press --> == Z == [[File:Bundesarchiv_Bild_102-14468,_Berlin,_NS-Boykott_gegen_jüdische_Geschäfte.jpg|thumb|To sum it all up, I must say that I regret nothing. ~ [[Adolf Eichmann]] ]] * Strictly speaking, the message of National Socialism was not radically different from that of other forms of [[egalitarianism]] and socialism: strong antibourgeois sentiments expressed through a radical empowerment of a selected group of people at the expense of other groups… What made National Socialism novel and different from earlier forms of socialism was an attempt to blend the ideas of social justice and [[w:Revolutionary Nationalism | revolutionary nationalism]]. ** Andrei A. Znamenski, “From ‘National Socialists’ to ‘Nazi:’ History, Politics and the English Language,” ''The Independent Review'', Oakland: CA, vol. 19, no. 4, Spring 2015, p. 545. [http://www.independent.org/pdf/tir/tir_19_04_06_znamenski.pdf] {{anchor|DiMeglio}} === DiMeglio, Peter M. (1999). [https://books.google.com/books?id=gQLqRd7hJq0C&pg=PA589&source=gbs_toc_r&cad=3#v=onepage&q&f=false "Germany 1933–1945 (National Socialism)"]. In Helen Tierney (ed.). ''Women's studies encyclopedia''. Westport, CN: ''Greenwood Press''. === * From its inception, the Nationalist Socialist German Worker’s Party (NSDAP Nazi Party) had no place for women in its ranks. At its first general meeting in early 1921 a unanimous resolution passed that stated that women could never be accepted either into the leadership of the party or into any governing committee. National Socialism viewed German women as wives and mothers who did not wish to work in factories or offices or even represent themselves in the government. A cozy home, a beloved husband, and a multitude of happy children were their only aspirations. Hitler believed in suppressing the drive for women’s emancipation by emphasizing the differences between men and women and the woman’s role as the preserver of the biological [[inheritance]], domestic virtue, and even eternal morality. ** p.587 * The Nazi definition of the role of [[women]] actually expanded and contracted with party needs. Prior to Hitler’s ascension to power, men and women worked together. Following 1933, Hitler made employed women give up jobs to return to the home and raise families. After 1936, however, when he needed them to work, he put them in factories. Because of Hitler’s war preparation, the Nazis moved to improve the [[Women in the workforce|employment of women in the workplace]]. Despite all of these changing roles, however, at no time did women have any demonstrable influence over policies that affected themselves, their families, or the Nazi Party. They were not placed in positions where they wielded political power or party and state responsibility. ** p.588 * The Nazis were strongly opposed to feminism and held that feminists were unduly influenced by both Jews and Marxists, had an unhealthy preoccupation with their sexuality, and were determined to destroy Christian-German life. The Nazis discouraged dieting, cosmetics, smoking, and foreign dress. German couples needed medical examinations to marry, and the fear of “hereditary defects” led to a black market in documents proving Aryan ancestry. Wives of SS men were forced to attend special bride schools. Almost 28,000 so-called undesirable women underwent forced sterilization by 1934. Aryan men were encouraged to divorce Jewish wives, and their children were taken from the mother. In 1939, it was announced that Jewish women could seek abortions, but non-Jewish women could not. Non-Jewish women who did not marry or have children were harassed. ** pp.588-589. * The response of the Christian faithful to racism was not uniform. A population as enormous as that of Christian women could not be socially, politically, or temperamentally monolithic. Michael Phayer states that [[Protestant work ethic|Protestants]] were more tolerant toward Nazi racism than [[Catholic Church|Catholics]]. Protestant women were more nationalistic than Catholics, which made them more receptive to National Socialism. Some Protestant women, however, also fought National Socialist ideology and the paganism it espoused. Scholt-Klink promoted her own women’s organization by playing Catholic an Protestant’s women’s organizations against each other.<br> The experiences of German women living under Nazi rule varied. As pointed out in “When Biology Became Destiny”, Nazism did not begin with overt attacks against the emancipation of women. It was cloaked in extreme nationalism calling for love of the country, reduction of the unemployment by keeping women out of the workforce, and reversion of women back to the role of [[Mothers|motherhood]]. <br> What can be said of the attitude of German women toward the racism of Hitler? A great deal of information has been derived from studying the most prominent organizations of women. Many [[Protestantism|Protestant]] and [[Catholic Church|Catholic]] leaders were aware that if Germany were victorious, there would be a showdown between [[Christianity]] and the neopaganism of National Socialism. Some courageous women dared to challenge the establishment. For example, Agnes von Grone and Helene Weber both spoke out against anti-Christian elements in Nazism. Ultimately, faith, not feminism, made Nazi women reject Nazi neopaganism. Institutional and religious elements overwhelmed social factors. ** p.589 {{anchor|Friedlander}} === Friedlander, Henry (1995). [https://books.google.com/books?id=gqLDEKVk2nMC&pg=PA23&source=gbs_toc_r&cad=3#v=onepage&q&f=false “The origins of Nazi genocide: from euthanasia to the final solution”.] ''Chapel Hill: University of North Carolina Press''. === * The Nazi regime issued numerous laws and regulations during the 1930s to implement its eugenic and racial program, and, as we shall see, the practitioners of race hygiene-anthropologists, [[Genetics|geneticists]], [[Psychiatry|psychiatrists]], and [[Physician|physicians]]-were involved in drafting and applying them. Of course, their role had changed. They profited from being governed by a regime that favored race hygiene, but they also had to accommodate themselves to the regime’s political needs. They continued to consider the Nazis “vulgar and ordinary” and Nazi anti-Semitism somewhat extreme, but they accepted, even applauded, Nazi policies because they reflected an ideology they as individuals and as scientists had long supported. But even though they may have tried to maintain a certain scientific detachment, their assistants and students enthusiastically embraced all aspects of Nazi ideology. <br> At times, however, Nazi ideology made life inconvenient for the race scientists. Fritz Lenz discovered the futility of objecting to one of [[Heinrich Himmler]]’s pet projects. At a committee meeting attended by Himmler, Lenz opposed equality for illegitimate children because he believed it would have a negative impact on the quality of the transmitted germ plasm. Himmler disagreed. The powerful Reich leader SS argued that illegitimacy was not a disgrace in the “real world” and that equality was needed to assure a high birthrate and to prevent the spread of homosexuality and abortion. <br> German science was rapidly synchronized (“gleichgeschaltet”) with Nazi ideology after 1933, especially after scientists opposed to the new regime, as well as those with the wrong ethnic background, were fired. There was no effective resistance. Still, not all science was dominated by Nazi ideology in disregard of the German scientific tradition. For example, the attempt to establish an Aryan physics failed as older traditions reasserted themselves. <br> Such restraints did not apply in the biological sciences concerned with the questions of race and heredity. There Nazi ideology and German scientific tradition complemented each other. Without hesitation, the race scientists fired their Jewish colleagues. ** Ch.1 “The Origins of Nazi Genocide”, p.19 * As the Nazi regime moved toward war, Hitler authorized state and party planners to proceed form the exclusionary policies of [[emigration]], [[Prison|incarceration]], and sterilization to the most radical exclusionary solution of killings. The first group targeted were the handicapped. They were excluded by being [[Institutionalization|institutionalized]], but this was not enough. Hostile to their existence, institutions reduced services and sought to cut the costs of caring for mental and disabled patients. Excluded, incarcerated, sterilized, and neglected, the handicapped were viewed as expendable, and thus a logical progression led to the killing of the handicapped in the so-called [[euthanasia]] program. The other group of undesirables-the “Asozialen” were treated similarly: those committed to institutions by the courts were among the first killed; others were later selected for killing when euthanasia was applied within the concentration camps. ** Ch.1 “The Origins of Nazi Genocide”, p.21 * Against the handicapped, the regime enacted into law the program long advocated by race scientists to control a population considered degenerate and inferior. The so-called sterilization law, promulgated in July 1933, served throughout the Nazi period as the model for all eugenic legalisation. It introduced compulsory sterilization for persons suffering from a variety of mental and physical disorders and in the process defined the groups to be excluded from the national community. This legislation was followed in October 1935 by the Marriage Health Law, which mandated screening the entire population to prevent marriages of persons considered carriers of hereditary degeneracy, particularly those covered by the sterilization law. Numerous ordinances defining and enlarging these two laws followed. As race hygiene had always linked the handicapped to criminal and antisocial behavior, the bureaucrats drafting this legislation believed that their eugenic laws should also cover “inherited criminal traits.” To accomplish this, the regime enacted in November 1933 the Law against Dangerous Habitual Criminals and the Law on Measures of Security and Reform. The new provisions- articles 220a and 42a-m of the penal code-gave the courts substantial new powers to confine and punish persons considered habitual criminals. In addition to the penalties already provisioned by the penal code, the court were authorized to commit the ”Asozaielen” to state hospitals, to impose protective custody or longer prison terms on habitual criminals, to mandate castration for sexual offenders, and to prohibit defendants from practicing their professions or occupations. ** Ch.2 Excluding the Handicapped, pp.23-24 {{anchor|Proctor}} === Proctor, Robert (1988). [https://www.google.com/books/edition/Racial_Hygiene/hogbxS2Gp1QC?hl=en&gbpv=1&printsec=frontcover “Racial Hygiene: Medicine Under the Nazis”]. Cambridge, MA: ''Harvard University Press''. === * The Nazi medical experiments and even the program for the destruction of “lives not worth living” represent only the tip of a much larger iceberg. In fact, the ideological structure we associate with National Socialism was deeply embedded in the [[philosophy]] and institutional structure of German biomedical science long before the beginning of the [[euthanasia]] program in 1939-and to a certain extent, even before 1933. The published record of the German medical profession makes it clear that many intellectuals cooperated fully in Nazi racial programs, and that many of the social and intellectual foundations for these programs were laid long before the rise of Hitler to power. What I want to argue in addition to this, however (and here I shall be drawing upon a growing body of recent German scholarship on this question) is that biomedical scientists played an active, even leading role in the initiation, administration, and execution of Nazi racial programs. In this sense the case can be made that science (especially biomedical science) under the Nazis cannot simply be seen in terms of a fundamentally “passive” or “apolitical” scientific community responding to purely external political forces; on the contrary, there is strong evidence that scientists actively designed and administered central aspects of National Socialist racial policy. ** p.6 * We should not allow our judgment of the ethical character of Nazi medical practice to hinge entirely on whether we consider it to have been based on “genuine science”. One cannot (or at least should not) radically divide the practice of science from its product science is, among other things, a social activity, and the politics of those who practice it is part of that science. Furthermore, we miss something if we assume at the outset a fundamental hostility between science and a form of political practice such as National Socialism. This was not how scientists themselves viewed the matter[..] ** Introduction, p.9 * American eugenicists rejected the entire concept of [[birth control]] because it was associated, in their view, with an “antibaby strike” on the part of emancipated women. <br> Curiously, at the same time that racial hygienists warned of a declining population, conservative apologists for the Pan-German League argued that overseas colonies were needed to relieve the “overcrowding” caused by Germany’s rapidly growing population. Similar contradictions would persist in the Nazi period. Nazi Interior Minister [[Wilhelm Frick]] in 1933 thus found it possible to warn of “race suicide” (caused by the declining birthrate) in one breath and then to call for the need to acquire “Lebenstraum” for Germany’s growth, in the next. Such pronouncements make one suspect that population concerns were (then as now) more the product of political interests than of incontrovertible facts. ** p.20 * Hereditary theory remained a point of political contention throughout the period of Nazi rule (and indeed, for some time after). In 1939 the Moscow Anthropological Museum sponsored an exhibit on “Race and Race Theory” attacking the Nazi ideal of Nordic supremacy as part of an “effort by the German [[ruling class]] to justify its domination over subjugated classes as ‘natural’.” Nazi physicians reporting on the exhibit claimed that by virtue of their support for the inheritance of acquired characteristics, Soviet [[Biology|biologists]] had abandoned the goal of “pure [[science]]”; Nazi physicians also suggested that the Soviets hoped, with the help of the [[Jean-Baptiste Lamarck|Lamarckian]] doctrine, to “disprove the existence of racial boundaries” and thereby “facilitate the assimilation of Jews into the country.” By this time, however, Russia was not the only country issuing official proclamations on the nature of [[Genetics|heredity]]. In 1937 the Nazi party published its official “Handbook for the [[Hitler Youth]]”, issued as required reading for the 7 million members of this organization. The “Handbook” presented a chapter titled “Race Formation: heredity and Environment,” including discussions of [[Gregor Mendel|Mendel’]]<nowiki/>s laws of inheritance, [[Charles Darwin|Darwin]]’s theory of the origin of species by [[natural selection]], and the Lamarckian principle of the inheritance of acquired characteristics. ** p.37 * One of the leading research efforts of Germany’s racial hygiene institutes was twin studies (for example, studies of identical twins raised apart) designed to determine the relative importance of heredity an environment. Suggestions that the study of twins might be used for this purpose date back at least as far as [[Francis Galton]]’s 1875 “History of Twins as a Criterion of the Relative Powers of Nature and Nurture.” In the Third Reich, twin studies were lavisihly funded as part of an effort to prove that heredity was the key to many human talents and imperfections. Twin studies purportedly demonstrated the heritability of everything from [[epilepsy]], [[criminality]], [[memory]], and hernias to [[tuberculosis]], [[cancer]], [[schizophrenia]], and [[divorce]]. In 1933 Otmar Freiherr von Verschuer published a book purporting to provide exact ratios of the relative influence of heredity and environment in a wide range of bodily traits; he derived his data from the study of several thousand identical and nonidentical twins. (see Figure 8). Verschuer’s studies were followed by hundreds of others. By 1936 [[w:Otto_Reche|Otto Reche’]]<nowiki/>s Institute for the Study of Race and Volk had examined 12,50 pairs of twins, recording forty-two separate physical or physiognomic traits for each pair. [[w:Eugen_Fischer|Eugen Fischer]] called twin studies “the” single most important research tool in the field of racial hygiene; Verschuer called twin research the “sovereign method for genetic research in humans” Racial hygienists were able to convince Nazi authorities that twin studies warranted substantial government support: in 1939 Interior Minister [[Wilhelm Frick]] ordered the registration of all twins, triplets, or quadruplets born in the Reich, for the express purpose of research to isolate the effects of nature and nurture in the formation of the human racial constitution. ** pp.42-43 * The Nazis found biology and [[medicine]] a suitable language in which to articulate their goals; scientists found the Nazis willing to support many of their endeavors. Furthermore, racial hygiene was not “imposed on” the German medical community; physicians eagerly embraced the racial ideal and the racial state. This in fact was perceived by observers at the time. In 1933 Fritz Lenz noted: <br> Whatever resistance the idea of racial hygiene may have encountered in previous times among German doctors, this resistance exists no longer. The German core [Kern] within the medical community has recognized the demands of German racial hygiene as its own; the medical profession has become the leading force in making these demands.<br> Lenz than cited the words of Gerhard Wagner, leader of the German medical profession: <br> Knowledge of racial hygiene and genetics has become, by a purely scientific path, the knowledge of an extraordinary number of German doctors. It has influenced to a substantial degree the basic world view of the State, and indeed may even be said to embody the very foundations of the present state [“Staatsraison”]. ** Ch.1 “The Origins of Racial Hygiene”, p.45 * Why did physicians join the Nazi party in such numbers? Professional opportunism certainly played a role: many reasoned that by driving out the Jews, jobs could be created for non-Jewish physicians-an important motive, given the overcrowding and financial stress suffered by the profession in the years before the rise of the Nazis (see Chapter 6). The traditionally [[Conservatism|conservative]] character of the medical profession was another factor. Prior to 1933, many German physicians identified with the Deutschnationale Volkspartei, a conservative and nationalistic party that eventually threw its support to Hitler. Most [[Physician|physicians]] shared a strong sense of national pride: in the spring of 1933, for example, the “Deutsches Arzteblatt” noted that most German physicians had taken part in [[World War I]] and that 1,000 had died “on the field of honor.” <br> In the years preceding the triumph of the Nazis, physicians were faced with a series of economic shocks that moved many to realign their politics. [[Impoverishment]] after the war and [[Great Depression|economic collapse]] during the final years of the Weimar Republic polarized the profession politically. At the same time, physicians warned of a “crisis in medicine,” a crisis variously construed as the [[Bureaucracy|bureaucratization]] specialization, or scientization of medicine-problems blamed on the socialists, the Jews, or the numerous quacks that eternally plague the profession. Physicians expressed a desire to win back “the confidence of the people.” ** p.69 * The single most important classes of journals that, generally speaking did “not” survive the Nazi seizure of power were those publishing in the field of social hygiene (“Sozialhygiene”). These were journals concerned primarily with broader social or public health aspects of medicine, often from a socialist or communist point of view. The journal “Soziale Medizin”, for example, folded in the first year of Nazi rule, as did “Der Sozialistische Arzt”, the official journal of the Association of Socialist Physicians. ** p.77 * The Nazi medical community also published special journals designed either to popularize the new racial ideal or to keep Nazi physicians abreast of social and racial policy. “Ziel und Weg” was the primary journal responsible for articulating Nazi philosophy in the sphere of medicine. In 1931 it began publishing in editions of 3,000 copies; by 1934 this number had grown to 16,000; and by 1939 the journal was publishing 40,000 copies twice a month. The Office of Racial Policy (Rassenpolitisches Amt) published the popular health magazine “Neues Volk” (New people), issued as the successor to the pre-Nazi journal “Das Horrohr”, in editions that ran as high as 360,000 copies (in 1939); the office also published an in-house journal called the “Informationsdienst” (Information service) to keep its members informed on issues of racial policy. Circulation of the “Informationsdienst” was deliberately limited to 5,000 copies in order to be able to include confidential information; readers were asked not to repeat information published in the journal unless they withheld the source. Published from 1934 to 1944 the “Informationsdienst” today serves as one of the most revealing sources of information on Nazi racial policy. ** pp.77-78 * Socialist physicians wanted to legalize [[abortion]]; Nazi physicians saw abortion as a [[Feminism|feminist]] plot designed to sap the strength of the nation. ** p.269 ==See also== * [[Authoritarianism]] * [[Dictatorship]] * [[Eugenics]] * [[Fascism]] * [[Race]] * [[Totalitarianism]] ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{wiktionary}} {{commonscat}} [[Category:Nazism| ]] [[Category:World War II]] lv0saqthmv1f06mpizkvc7a6shq6jbl 0 97433 3778557 3374245 2025-07-14T12:45:52Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Architects]]; added [[Category:Architects from Russia]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778557 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Andrey Voznesenskiy.jpg|thumb|Andrey Voznesensky in 2008]] '''[[w:Andrey Voznesensky|Andrey Andreyevich Voznesensky]]''' ([[May 12]], [[1933]] – [[June 1]], [[2010]]) was one of the group of Russian poets who first came to notice during the [[Nikita Khrushchev|Khrushchev]] era. He is often compared and contrasted with his friend [[Yevgeny Yevtushenko|Yevtushenko]]. {{author-stub}} ==Quotes== * Everything's sliding apart.<br/>Yet, "Long live everything!"<br/>For the art of creation<br/>Is older than the art of killing. ** "Lines to [[Robert Lowell]]"; translation by [[Louis Simpson]] and Vera Dunham, from Vera Dunham and Max Hayward (eds.) ''Nostalgia for the Present'' (New York: Doubleday, 1978) p. 111. * It's shameful to spot a lie and not to name it,<br/>shameful to name it and then to shut your eyes,<br/>shameful to call a funeral a wedding<br/>and play the fool at funerals besides. ** [[w:Stanley Kunitz|Stanley Kunitz]] (trans.) ''Story Under Full Sail'' (New York: Doubleday, 1974) p. 20. === ''Antiworlds, and the Fifth Ace'' === <small>Quotations are cited from Patricia Lake and Max Hayward (eds.) ''Antiworlds, and the Fifth Ace'' (New York: Basic Books, 1967), to which page-numbers also refer.</small> * I am [[Francisco Goya|Goya]]<br/>of the bare field, by the enemy's beak gouged<br/>till the craters of my eyes gape<br/>I am grief<br/>I am the tongue<br/>of war, the embers of cities<br/>on the snows of the year 1941<br/>I am hunger. ** "I am Goya"; translated by Stanley Kunitz, p. 3. * I have hurled westward the ashes of the uninvited guest! <br/>and hammered stars into the unforgetting sky – like nails<br/>I am Goya. ** "I am Goya"; translated by Stanley Kunitz, p. 3. * Along a parabola life like a rocket flies,<br/>Mainly in darkness, now and then on a rainbow. ** "Parabolic Ballad"; translated by [[W. H. Auden]], p. 113. * The urge to kill, like the urge to beget,<br/>Is blind and sinister. Its craving is set<br/>Today on the flesh of a hare: tomorrow it can<br/>Howl the same way for the flesh of a man. ** "Hunting a Hare"; translated by W.H. Auden, p. 13. == Criticism == * [[Anna Akhmatova|Akhmatova]]'s seeming successor as the best living Russian poet is Voznesensky. His talent is dazzling. He has the gift of fresh, witty perception, works with unusual images and modern rhythms. His poetry is marvelously dynamic. ** Olga Carlisle in ''The New York Times'', [[September 11]], [[1966]]. * With good reason, Voznesensky is a hero to all those in the Soviet Union who want their poets to tell them the truth. But at the risk of his career, freedom, and perhaps even his life, he has never been able to do much more than drop hints. ** [[Clive James]] ''From the Land of Shadows'' (London: Picador, 1983) p. 222. == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{commons category}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Voznesensky, Andrey}} [[Category:Poets from Russia]] [[Category:Architects from Russia]] [[Category:People from Moscow]] [[Category:1933 births]] [[Category:2010 deaths]] [[hu:Andrej Andrejevics Voznyeszenszkij]] omxgy63tifpkc7fr58t3ard2yxm54fn 0 98218 3778700 3456417 2025-07-14T13:55:04Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Comedians]]; added [[Category:Comedians from England]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778700 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Michael McIntyre.jpg|thumb|Michael McIntyre in 2009]] '''[[w:Michael McIntyre|Michael Hazen McIntyre]]''' (born 21 February 1976) is a British comedian. == Michael McIntyre Comedy Store Special == * I take the shopping in, ladies and gentlemen... in ''one fucking go.'' ''[mimics weighing himself down with shopping]'' "Get the door! Get the door!" She's like, "Shoes off!"… "FUCK OFF!" * Scottish Guy heckled... "You're a bastard, Michael." … Oh I might not be, but I know that's the first word of a newborn Scottish baby! == Live at the Apollo (November 26, 2007) == *It's never enough to say you’re from London, people want to know exactly where you’re from. They see it as more of a test of their own geographical knowledge. You say "I’m from London" people go [high pitched excited voice] "Where abouts, where abouts, where abouts, where abouts exactly, where abouts?" "Uh... North London." If they know it they get more excited. [more excited voice] "Where abouts, where abouts, where abouts?" "Muswell Hill" [even more excited voice] "Where abouts? Where abouts?!" "Do you know Sainsbury’s?" "Yeeeeeeessssssssss!" *''[about public transport]'' It's unbelievable. People are so desperate to get home. The trains come very regularly, you see them, one minute, two minutes, three minutes... this means nothing to people. As soon as you get on the platform it's a level playing field. I don't care when you arrived, I'm getting on this train. *''[about travelling by train]''"Please let the passengers off the train first." British people have an amazing ability to let people off a train whilst at all times, moving forwards. *And everyone's reading, you have to read, you can't be on the tube without reading, reading is very important. You get on on the morning and every single person is reading the Metro. Everyone, everyone. [imitates line of people reading newspaper] Why doesn't one person just read it to the carriage? *So hello! I'm good at hello, I'm not very good with goodbye, especially on the phone. I don't know what's happened, every time I say goodbye I sound like a fucking idiot. What is it? You sound like a child, you feel it coming when you're on the phone. It can be a very serious conversation "of course I'll be at the funeral, I loved your father deeply, I'll say a few words. ''[high pitched]'' Byeeeeee!" Why am I doing that? *People still, old people, insist on picking up the phone and saying their home number, why are you doing that? What a complete waste of time. ''[imitating old person]'' "020767944!" ''[exasperated person on other end]'' "I know that, I've just dialled it! It's the last thing I did on earth was dial those numbers. Do you open the front door and say your address? It's the same principle." * ''[imitates a terrorist]'' "We must penetrate the west at their most vulnerable spot: Glasgow Airport!" ''[shakes head]'' I think the lesson was learned: don't... fuck... with Scottish people... who have a holiday booked, okay? ''[imitates Scottish tourist]'' "I'll get the trolley. You get the bags and stuff. We'll get the rest of the stuff at duty-free. You got our tickets and the passports? What gate are we? Twenty... two. Hold on while I punch this burning man in the face. Fuck off! Bastard! Majorca, here we come! Ten days, I couldn't afford two weeks! Hang on while I just get a light off his face! Hold still, you Al-Qaeda bastard! Where you from?" "Afghan.." "Whereabouts?" * My son's got two words: "car" and "map", that's all he can say. ''[baby voice]'' "Car, car, map, car!" ''[normal voice]'' I'm fairly worried he's trying to escape. So if the next word is "passport," we're in serious trouble. *''[Scottish accent]'' "We don't need your English bastard pounds! We're our own country, we'll have our own bloody money, eh?!" "Would you like your own currency?" "Ah, it's complicated mathematically. Let's just have yours with our photos, I think that's the best way!" * [''imitating a scottish person''] ''(on Scottish money)'' I think you'll find pal, that's legal tender. == Live and Laughing (2008) == * ''[on Valentine's cards]'' Just last week I wrote "I still love you. See last year's card for full details." * I went "0-7..." and he actually went "Slow down!" So I went "0..." and he went "0-7-0..." "No! 0-7..." "0-7-0-0-7..." "No! 0...7..." "0-7-0-0-7-0-7" "Start again!" "How's Susan?" "Not the conversation, the number! That's not my number!" "Giving me a fake number?! Don't you want me to call?!" "No, no...!" Anyway, he hasn't called. * And traffic! Traffic's a nightmare! That's how people describe it, a nightmare. Has anyone had this nightmare? "AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!" "What is it, darling? Are you all right?" "No, I'm not all right at all!" "What was it?" "TRAFFIC!!!" * See, you learn about humans when you have a baby. Like girls. Girls are so much more advanced than boys. I seriously think that girls are born in conversation. Like, they come out of the womb, talking: "Are you my mother? Lovely to put a face to a name." ==The Comedy Roadshow== *''[About becoming a kid's TV presenter]'' Could you not interrupt Mr. Penguin?! *''[On paying the toll at the Severn Bridge]'' It's worth £5.40 to have that moment where you stop, then you come through and there are no lanes! It takes a very strange sort of man who doesn't go: 'The race is on! Come on, woohoo! First one to the lanes!! Order, order, back in order OK but I had fun while it lasted. ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:McIntyre, Michael}} [[Category:Comedians from England]] [[Category:Stand-up comedians]] [[Category:People from London]] [[Category:1976 births]] [[Category:Living people]] 9z5zpdxtsj0rvq6402jwrcd3i5sm9xk 0 98303 3778642 3601222 2025-07-14T13:33:31Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Comedians]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778642 wikitext text/x-wiki #redirect[[Comedy]] il41rpfwwlek1qvb441er2qohefsjku 0 99980 3778652 2901233 2025-07-14T13:36:01Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Comedians]]; added [[Category:Comedians from the United States]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778652 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:A. Whitney Brown|Alan Whitney Brown]]''' (born [[July 8]], [[1952]]) is an American comedian and writer who was a regular humorist on ''Saturday Night Live'' and ''The Daily Show''. {{author-stub}} ==Quotes== ===The Big Picture: An American Commentary (1991)=== * I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants. * That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you. * There are a billion people in China. It's not easy to be an individual in a crowd of more than a billion people. Think of it. More than a BILLION people. That means even if you're a one-in-a-million type of guy, there are still a thousand guys exactly like you. * Who would have thought that the fatal flaw of communism would be that there's no money it. ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Brown, A. Whitney}} [[Category:Comedians from the United States]] [[Category:Authors from the United States]] [[Category:Humorists]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Primetime Emmy Award winners]] ihhvz6b9kkt89jtr5yqxgbwyq9gw0dv 3778653 3778652 2025-07-14T13:36:06Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Humorists]]; added [[Category:Humorists from the United States]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778653 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:A. Whitney Brown|Alan Whitney Brown]]''' (born [[July 8]], [[1952]]) is an American comedian and writer who was a regular humorist on ''Saturday Night Live'' and ''The Daily Show''. {{author-stub}} ==Quotes== ===The Big Picture: An American Commentary (1991)=== * I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants. * That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you. * There are a billion people in China. It's not easy to be an individual in a crowd of more than a billion people. Think of it. More than a BILLION people. That means even if you're a one-in-a-million type of guy, there are still a thousand guys exactly like you. * Who would have thought that the fatal flaw of communism would be that there's no money it. ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Brown, A. Whitney}} [[Category:Comedians from the United States]] [[Category:Authors from the United States]] [[Category:Humorists from the United States]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Primetime Emmy Award winners]] 3vmo8bfn7ln0725e38dji6v9vc04roe 0 100272 3778559 3489752 2025-07-14T12:46:14Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Architects]]; added [[Category:Architects from England]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778559 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Christopher_Wren_by_Godfrey_Kneller_1711.jpg|thumb|Sir Christopher Wren in {{w|Godfrey Kneller}}'s 1711 portrait.]] '''[[w:Christopher Wren|Sir Christopher Wren]]''' ([[20 October]] [[1632]] &ndash; [[25 February]] [[1723]]) was an [[w:England|English]] [[architect]], [[designer]], [[astronomer]], [[w:geometer|geometer]], mathematician and physicist. Wren designed [[w:St Paul's Cathedral|St Paul's Cathedral]] and 53 [[w:London|London]] churches, as well as many secular buildings. He was a founder of the [[w:Royal Society|Royal Society]] (president 1680–82), and his scientific work was highly regarded by Sir [[w:Isaac Newton|Isaac Newton]] and [[w:Blaise Pascal|Blaise Pascal]]. {{architect-stub}} == Quotes == * [[Architecture]] has its political Use; public Buildings being the Ornament of a Country; it establishes a Nation, draws People and Commerce; makes the People love their native Country, which Passion is the Original of all great Actions in a Common-wealth…. Architecture aims at Eternity. ** "Of Architecture", ''Parentalia; or Memoirs of the Family of the Wrens'', comp. by his son Christopher (1750, reprinted 1965), Appendix, p. 351. * A time will come when men will stretch out their eyes. They should see planets like our Earth. ** ''Inaugural Lecture as Professor of Astronomy, Gresham College'', as quoted in ''If the Universe is Teeming with Aliens-- where is Everybody? Fifty Solutions to the Fermi Paradox and the Problem of Extraterrestrial Life'', by Stephen Webb (2002), p. 150. == Quotes about Christopher Wren == * He was of opinion that what we now vulgarly call the Gothick, ought properly and truly be named Saracenick Architecture refined by the Christians. ** ''Conclusion of the life of Sir Christopher Wren'', in The Magazine of Magazines, January 1759, p. 11. * Sir Christopher Wren<br>Said, "I am going to dine with some men.<br>If anyone calls<br>Say I am designing St. Paul's." ** [[Edmund Clerihew Bentley]] ''Clerihews'': ''Biography for Beginners'' (1905) * Perhaps you have heard the story of Christopher Wren, one of the greatest of English architects, who walked one day unrecognized among the men who were at work upon the building of St. Paul's cathedral in London which he had designed. "What are you doing?" he inquired of one of the workmen, and the man replied, "I am cutting a piece of stone." As he went on he put the same question to another man, and the man replied, "I am earning five shillings twopence a day." And to a third man he addressed the same inquiry and the man answered, "I am helping Sir Christopher Wren build a beautiful cathedral." That man had vision. He could see beyond the cutting of the stone, beyond the earning of his daily wage, to the creation of a work of art—the building of a great cathedral. And in your life it is important for you to strive to attain a vision of the larger whole. ** Attributed to Louise Bush-Brown, director of the Pennsylvania School of Horticulture for Women. Reported in as unverified in ''Respectfully Quoted: A Dictionary of Quotations'' (1989). * Christopher Wren, the leading architect of London's reconstruction after the great fire of 1666, lies buried beneath the floor of his most famous building, St. Paul's cathedral. No elaborate sarcophagus adorns the site. Instead, we find only the famous epitaph written by his son and now inscribed into the floor: “''si monumentum requiris, circumspice''”—if you are searching for his monument, look around. A tad grandiose, perhaps, but I have never read a finer testimony to the central importance—one might even say sacredness — of actual places, rather than replicas, symbols, or other forms of vicarious resemblance. ** [[Stephen Jay Gould]]. ''The Lying Stones of Marrakech'' (2001); "A Tale of Two Work Sites", p. 251 == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{commons category}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Wren, Christopher}} [[Category:1632 births]] [[Category:1723 deaths]] [[Category:Architects from England]] [[Category:Astronomers from England]] [[Category:Designers]] [[Category:Fellows of the Royal Society]] [[Category:University of Oxford alumni]] [[Category:University of Oxford faculty]] [[Category:Physicists from the United Kingdom]] [[Category:Mathematicians from England]] qlhyptjvujpy4fdu4pndez01brfv7hd 0 100395 3778914 3770092 2025-07-14T22:40:16Z California2003 3224630 3778914 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} [[File:Aliceinwonderland-logo.svg|thumb|Alice in Wonderland logo card]] [[File:Alice in wonderland 1951.jpg|thumb|Alice]] '''''[[w:Alice in Wonderland (1951 film)|Alice in Wonderland]]''''' is a [[w:1951 in film|1951]] American [[w:animation|animated]] [[w:musical film|musical]] [[w:fantasy film|fantasy]]-[[w:adventure film|adventure film]] produced by [[Walt Disney]]. It is about a young girl named Alice who follows a white rabbit into a world that is illogical and absurd, but later wishes to go home. :''Directed by [[w:Clyde Geronimi|Clyde Geronimi]] and [[w:Wilfred Jackson|Wilfred Jackson]]. Written by Milt Banta, Del Connell, William Cottrell, [[w:Joe Grant|Joe Grant]], [[w:Winston Hibler|Winston Hibler]], [[w:Dick Huemer|Dick Huemer]], [[w:Dick Kelsey|Dick Kelsey]], Tom Oreb, [[w:Bill Peet|Bill Peet]], Erdman Penner, Joe Rinaldi, [[w:Ted Sears|Ted Sears]], and John Walbridge. Based on [[Alice's Adventures in Wonderland]] and [[Through the Looking-Glass]] by [[Lewis Carroll]].'' {{center/s}}''' A world of wonders in One Great Picture''' ([[Alice in Wonderland (1951 film)#Taglines|taglines]]){{center/e}} ==Alice== * My, what a peculiar place to have a party. You know, Dinah, we really shouldn't be doing this. ''[while crawling through the rabbit hole]'' After all, we've haven't been invited, and curiosity often leads to trouble! ''[As Alice finishes her sentence, she falls down the hole]'' Goodbye, Dinah. Goodbye! ''[while magically floating down the rabbit hole]'' Well! After this, I shall think nothing of falling down stairs. Goodness. What if I should fall right through the center of the Earth... And come out the other side where people walk upside down? But that's silly. * It would be so nice if something would make sense for a change. * ''[to the pink flamingo mallet]'' Do you want us ''both'' to lose our heads?! ==Dialogue== :''[First Lines]'' :'''Alice's Sister''': ''[reading from a history book]'' "...Who wanted leaders, and had been of late much accustomed to usurpation and conquest. Edwin and Morcar, the Earls of Mercia and Northumbria, declared for him: and even Stigand..." Alice? ''[camera zooms out to show Alice sitting in a tree, playing with Dinah and making a chain of daisies]'' :'''Alice''': Hmm? Oh, I'm listening. :'''Alice's Sister''': "And even Stigand, the archbishop of Canterbury, agreed to meet with William and offer him the crown. William's conduct at first was moderate." ''[Alice laughs as her daisy crown falls on her face]'' Alice? Will you kindly pay attention to your history lesson? :'''Alice''': I'm sorry, but how can one possibly pay attention to a book with no pictures in it? :'''Alice's Sister''': My dear child, there are a great many good books in this world without pictures. :'''Alice''': In ''this'' world, perhaps, but in my world, the books would be nothing but pictures. :'''Alice's Sister''': ''Your'' world? Huh! What nonsense. Now... :'''Alice''': ''[getting inspiration]'' Nonsense? :'''Alice's Sister''': Once more, from the beginning. :'''Alice''': ''[to her cat, Dinah]'' That's it, Dinah. If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrariwise, what it is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? ''[Dinah meows to her, shaking her head]'' In my world, you wouldn't say "meow". You'd say, "Yes, Miss. Alice". ''[Dinah meows as Alice picks her up]'' Oh, but you would. You'd be just like people, Dinah. And all the other animals, too. Why, in my world... Cats and rabbits / would reside in fancy little houses, / and be dressed in shoes and hats and trousers. / In a world of my own... / All the flowers / would have very extra special powers. / They would sit and talk to me for hours / when I'm lonely in a world of my own. / There'd be new birds, / lots of nice and friendly how-de-do birds. / Everyone would have a dozen bluebirds / within that world of my own. / I could listen to a babbling brook and hear a song that I could understand. / I keep wishing it could be that way / because my world would be a Wonderland. [[File:Alice_in_Wonderland_(1951)_-_White_Rabbit.png|thumb|I'm late, I'm late.]] :'''Alice''': ''[Dinah meows to her]'' Oh, Dinah. It's just a rabbit with a waistcoat... and a watch! :'''The White Rabbit''': Oh, my fur and whiskers! I'm late, I'm late, I'm late! :'''Alice''': Now, this is curious. What could a rabbit possibly be late for? ''[running after him]'' Please, sir! :'''The White Rabbit''': I'm late, I'm late. For a very important date. No time to say "hello". Goodbye. I'm late, I'm late, I'm late. :'''Alice''': It must be awfully important, like a party or something. Mr. Rabbit. Wait! :'''The White Rabbit''': No, no, no, I'm overdue. I'm really in a stew. No time to say goodbye, hello. I'm late, I'm late, I'm late. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alice''': Curiouser and curiouser. ''[runs up to the small door by pulling back the curtains and turns the Doorknob, it starts talking]'' :'''The Doorknob''': D'ooooh! :'''Alice''': Oh! I beg your pardon... :'''The Doorknob''': Whew. Quite alright, but you did give me quite a turn. :'''Alice''': You see, I was following... :'''The Doorknob''': Rather good, what? Doorknob? Turn? :'''Alice''': Please, sir. :'''The Doorknob''': Since one good turn deserves another, what can I do for you? :'''Alice''': I'm looking for a white rabbit. So, if you don't mind... :'''The Doorknob''': Eh? Oh. :'''Alice''': ''[looking through the Doorknob's keyhole]'' There he is! I simply must get through. :'''The Doorknob''': Sorry. You're much too big. Simply impassable. :'''Alice''': You mean "impossible"? :'''The Doorknob''': No, impassable. Nothing's impossible. Why don't you try the bottle on the table? :'''Alice''': Table? ''[a table and a small bottle magically appear out of the shadows]'' Oh! :'''The Doorknob''': Read the directions and directly you will be directed in the right direction. :'''Alice''': ''[reading the bottle's label]'' '''"Drink Me."''' ''[uncorks the bottle]'' Hm, better look first. For if one drinks much from a bottle marked "Poison", it's almost certain to disagree with one sooner or later. :'''The Doorknob''': Beg your pardon? :'''Alice''': ''[laughs]'' I was just giving myself some good advice. ''[sighs]'' But... ''[drinks from the bottle]'' Mmm... tastes like, uh... cherry tart. ''[unknowingly shrinks down to the size of the table; takes another sip]'' Custard. ''[shrinks down again, barely holding onto the bottle; takes another drink]'' Pineapple. ''[shrinks down so much, she's now even smaller than the bottle itself and struggling with its weight]'' Roast turkey… ''[finally aware of the potion's effect]'' Goodness! ''[unable to support the bottle any longer, slips and drops it]'' What did I do?! :'''The Doorknob''': ''[chuckles]'' You almost went out like a candle! :'''Alice''': ''[runs up to the Doorknob; delighted]'' But look! I'm just the right size! :''[She's about to open the door, but the Doorknob pulls away]'' :'''The Doorknob''': No use. ''[laughs]'' I forgot to tell you. I'm locked! :'''Alice''': Oh, no! :'''The Doorknob''': ''[stops laughing]'' But of course, you've got the key. :'''Alice''': What key? :'''The Doorknob''': Now, don't tell me you've left it up there. :''[A key magically appears on top of the table]'' :'''Alice''': Oh, dear! ''[Alice fails to reach it when she tries to climb up]'' Whatever will I do? :'''The Doorknob''': Try the box, naturally. :''[A tiny box magically appears in front of Alice]'' :'''Alice''': Oh. ''[opens the lid, revealing cookies labeled, "Eat Me"; takes one]'' "Eat Me." All right. But goodness knows what this will do. ''[takes a bite and grows bigger as she hits her head on the ceiling]'' What did you say? :'''The Doorknob''': I said a little of that went a long way. ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> [[File:Alice_in_Wonderland_(1951)_-_Tweedledum_and_Tweedledee.png|thumb|That's logic.]] :'''Alice''': Mr. Rabbit. Oh, Mr. Rabbit. Oh, dear. I'm sure he came this way. Do you suppose he could be hiding? Hmm. Not here. I wonder... No. I suppose he must have... ''[upon seeing Tweedledee and Tweedledum]'' Why, what peculiar little figures. "Tweedledee," and "Tweedledum." :'''Tweedledum''': ''[honk]'' If you think we're waxworks, you ought to pay, you know. :'''Tweedledee''': ''[beep]'' Contrariwise, if you think we're alive you ought to speak to us. :'''Tweedledee and Tweedledum''': That's logic. :'''Alice''': Well... It's been nice meeting you. Goodbye. :'''Tweedledee''': You're beginning backwards. :'''Tweedledum''': The first thing in a visit is to say... :'''Tweedledee and Tweedledum''': ''[singing together]'' How d'ya do? And shake hands, shake hands, shake hands. How d'ya do? And shake hands and state your name and business. ''[both spoken]'' That's manners! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alice''': ''[after the Walrus and the Carpenter song]'' That was a very sad story. :'''Tweedledee and Tweedledum''': Aye, but there's a moral to it. :'''Alice''': Oh, yes, a very good moral, if you happen to be an oyster. <hr width="50%"/> :'''The White Rabbit''': Why, Mary-Ann! What are you doing out here? :'''Alice''': Mary-Ann? :'''The White Rabbit''': Don't just do something, stand there... Uh... no, no! Go, go! Go get my gloves! I'm late! :'''Alice''': But late for what? That's just what I... :'''The White Rabbit''': My gloves! ''[Blows trumpet]'' At once, do you hear!? :'''Alice''': Goodness. I suppose I'll be taking orders from Dinah next. <hr width="50%"/> :'''The White Rabbit''': Oh! Bill! Bill, we need a lizard with a ladder. Can you help us? :'''Bill the Lizard''': At your service, gov'nor. :'''Pat the Dodo''': Bill, my lad. Have you ever been down a chimney? :'''Bill the Lizard''': Why, gov'nor, I've been down more chimneys... :'''Pat the Dodo''': Excellent, excellent. Now, just hop down the chimney and pull that monster out of there. :'''Bill the Lizard''': Righto, gov'nor... Monster? Aaaaah! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pat the Dodo''': ''[singing]'' We'll blow the thing there out, we'll smoke the monster out! :'''The White Rabbit''': ''[singing]'' We'll smoke the monster out... ''[realizes what he just sang]'' NO! No-ho! My poor house and furniture! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alice''': I beg your pardon, but uh...did you...? Oh, that's nonsense. Flowers can't talk. :'''The Red Rose''': But of course we can talk, my dear. :'''The Iris''': If there's anyone worth talking to. :'''The White Daisy''': Or about. ''[giggles]'' :'''The Pansies''': And we sing, too! :'''Alice''': You do? :'''The Yellow Tulip''': Oh, yes! Would you like to hear "Tell it to the Tulips"? :'''The Blue Larkspurs''': No, let's sing about us. :'''The Blue Violets''': We know one about the shy, little violets. :'''The Calla Lily''': Oh, no, not that old thing! :'''The Lily of the Valley''': Let's do "Lovely Lily of the Valley"! <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Red Rose''': Girls! We shall sing "Golden Afternoon". That's about all of us. Sound your "A", Lily. <hr width="50%"/> :'''The White Daisy''': What kind of a garden d'you come from? :'''Alice''': Oh, I don't come from any garden. :'''The White Daisy''': ''[gasps, to the Iris]'' Do you suppose she's a wildflower? :'''Alice''': ''[giggles]'' Oh, no. I'm not a wildflower. :'''The Red Rose''': Just what species or, shall we say, genus are you, my dear? :'''Alice''': Well, I guess you would call me... genus, humanus... Alice. :'''The White Daisy''': Ever see an Alice with a blossom like that? :'''The Iris''': Come to think of it, did you ever see an Alice? <hr width="50%"/> [[File:Alice_in_Wonderland_(1951)_-_Caterpillar.png|thumb|Who are you?]] :'''The Caterpillar''': ''[meeting Alice]'' Who are you? :'''Alice''': I hardly know, sir. I've changed so many times since this morning, you see... :'''The Caterpillar''': I do not see. Explain yourself. :'''Alice''': I'm afraid I can't explain myself, sir, because I'm not myself, you know. :'''The Caterpillar''': I do not know. :'''Alice''': Well, I can't put it any more clearly, sir, for it isn't clear to me. :'''The Caterpillar''': You? Who are you? :'''Alice''': Well, don't you think you should tell me... ''[coughs from the smoke]'' Who, you are first? :'''The Caterpillar''': Why? :'''Alice''': Oh, dear, everything is ''so'' confusing. :'''The Caterpillar''': It is not. :'''Alice''': Well, it is to me. :'''The Caterpillar''': Why? :'''Alice''': Well, I can't remember things like I used to, and... :'''The Caterpillar''': Recite. :'''Alice''': Hm? Oh! Oh, yes, sir. Um, how doth the little bumblebee improve each... :'''The Caterpillar''': Stop. That is not spoken correctically. It goes: How... ''[realizes nothing is coming out of his pipe and notices one of his set of hands grasping on the tube, clogging it; he slaps the hands to get it off the pipe; Alice giggles a bit, but the Caterpillar gives Alice a displeasing look]'' How doth the little crocodile improve his shining tail. And pour the waters of the Nile, on every golden scale. How cheer... ''[shakes a bit]'' How cheer... ''[notices one set of feet teetering on the leaf he's sitting on; he grabs them and puts them back on the leaf; Alice giggles again]'' How cheerfully he seems to grin, how neatly spreads his claws. And welcomes little fishes in, with gently smiling jaws. ''[looks at Alice]'' :'''Alice''': Well, I must say, I've never heard it that way before. :'''The Caterpillar''': I know. I have improved it. ''[blows smoke in Alice's face; she coughs]'' :'''Alice''': Well, if you ask me... :'''The Caterpillar''': ''You? [scoffs] ''Who are you?'' :''[Alice coughs as her head is enveloped in smoke. Fed up with the Caterpillar's nonsense, she storms off before stopping to kick a cloud of smoke off her shoe. She turns back to face the Caterpillar and leaves, her head turned up]'' :'''The Caterpillar''': ''[now noticing Alice leaving]'' You there. Girl. Wait! Come back! ''I have something important to say!'' :'''Alice''': Oh dear. I wonder what he wants now... ''[She returns to the Caterpillar, blowing a smoke arrow at a smoke target]'' Well? :'''The Caterpillar''': Keep your temper. :'''Alice''': Is that all? :'''The Caterpillar''': No. Exactly, what is your problem? :'''Alice''': Well, it's exactly... Well, it's precisely this. I should like to be a little larger, sir. :'''The Caterpillar''': Why? :'''Alice''': Well, after all, three inches is such a wretched height, and... :'''The Caterpillar''': ''[suddenly angry]'' ''I'' am exactly three inches high, '''and it is a very good height, ''indeed!''''' ''[starts smoking his hookah faster and faster until he is enveloped in black smoke]'' :'''Alice''': But I'm not used to it. And you needn't '''shout'''! ''[she blows the cloud away as she says this, showing the Caterpillar's skin, shoes, hands, and hookah laying there]'' Oh, dear. :'''The Caterpillar''': ''[now a butterfly]'' By the way, I have a few more helpful hints. One side will make you grow taller... :'''Alice''': One side of what? :'''The Butterfly''': ...And the other side will make you grow shorter. ''[he flies away]'' :'''Alice''': ''[shouting]'' The other side of what? :'''The Butterfly''': ''[equally as loud; hostile]'' '''THE MUSHROOM, ''OF COURSE!''''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Pigeon''': A serpent! Help! Help! A serpent, a serpent! :'''Alice''': Oh, but please! Please! :'''The Pigeon''': Off with you! Shoo! Shoo! Go away! Serpent! Serpeeeent! :'''Alice''': But I'm not a serpent! :'''The Pigeon''': Serpent- Indeed? Then, just what are you? :'''Alice''': I'm just a little girl. :'''The Pigeon''': Little? Ha! ''Little?'' ''[laughs]'' :'''Alice''': Well, I am! I mean, I-I was. :'''The Pigeon''': And I suppose you don't eat eggs, either? :'''Alice''': Yes, I do, but, but, but... :'''The Pigeon''': I knew it! I knew it! Serpent! Serpeeeent! :'''Alice''': Oh, for goodness sake! <hr width="50%"/> [[File:Alice_in_Wonderland_(1951)_-_Cheshire_Cat.png|thumb|Most everyone's mad here.]] :'''The Cheshire Cat''': ''[singing] 'Twas brilig, and the slithy toves <br> Did gyre and gimble in the wabe <br> All mimsy were the borogroves,<br> And the mome raths outgrabe.'' :'''Alice''': Now, where in the world do you suppose that...? :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Lose something? :'''Alice''': ''[turns around to find just the Cat's smile talking to her]'' Oh! Uh, hehe, no, no, I mean, I was just wondering... :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Oh, that's quite alright. One moment please. ''[Two eyes drop down on top of the mouth and play harmonica notes. The full cat form appears]'' Second chorus. ''[singing]'' 'Twas brilig, and the slithy toves <br> Did gyre and gimble in the wabe. :'''Alice''': Why, why, you're a cat! :'''The Cheshire Cat''': A ''Cheshire'' Cat. ''[starts to disappear]'' All mimsy were the borogroves... :'''Alice''': Oh, wait! Don't go, please! :'''The Cheshire Cat''': ''[reappears]'' There you are! Third chorus... :'''Alice''': Oh, no, no. Thank you, but I just wanted to ask which way I ought to go. :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Well, that depends on where you ought to get to. :'''Alice''': Oh, it really doesn't matter, as long as I... :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Then it really doesn't matter which way you go. ''[disappears and reappears on another tree branch]'' Oh by the way, if you'd really like to know, he went that way. :'''Alice''': Who did? :'''The Cheshire Cat''': The White Rabbit. :'''Alice''': He did? :'''The Cheshire Cat''': He did what? :'''Alice''': He went that way. :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Who did? :'''Alice''': The white rabbit! :'''The Cheshire Cat''': What rabbit? :'''Alice''': But didn't you just say? I mean- Oh, dear! :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Can you stand on your head? However, if I were looking for a white rabbit, I'd ask the Mad Hatter. :'''Alice''': The Mad Hatter? Oh, no, no, no... :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Or, there's the March Hare, in that direction. :'''Alice''': Oh, thank you. I think I shall visit him... :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Of course, he's mad, too. :'''Alice''': But I don't want to go among mad people! :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Oh, you can't help that. Most everyone's mad here. ''[laughs maniacally and begins to disappear]'' You may have noticed that I'm not ''ALL THERE'' myself, ''[laughs creepily as he fades away]'' ''And the mome raths outgrabe!'' :'''Alice''': Goodness. If the people here are like that, I must try not to upset them. <hr width="50%"/> :'''The March Hare and the Mad Hatter''': ''[run over to Alice]'' No room! No room! No room! :'''Alice''': I thought there was plenty of room. :'''The March Hare''': Ah, but it's very rude to sit down without being invited. :'''The Mad Hatter''': I'll say it's rude. It's very, very rude indeed. :'''The Dormouse''': Very, very rude indeed. :'''Alice''': I'm very sorry. But I did enjoy your singing, and I wonder if you could tell me… :'''The March Hare''': You enjoyed ''our'' singing? :'''The Mad Hatter''': Oh, what a delightful child! I'm so excited. We never get compliments. You must have a cup of tea. :'''The March Hare''': Ah, yes, indeed. The tea. You must have a cup of tea. :'''Alice''': That would be very nice. I'm sorry I interrupted your birthday party. ''[March Hare offers her a cup of tea]'' Thank you. :'''The March Hare''': ''[yanks her teacup away]'' Birthday? Ha-ha-ha. My dear child, this is NOT a birthday party! :'''The Mad Hatter''': Of course not. This is an ''un''birthday party. :'''Alice''': Unbirthday? Well, I'm sorry, but I don't quite understand. :'''The March Hare''': It's very simple. Now, 30 days has Septem -No, wait... An unbirthday, if you have a birthday, then, you- ''[laughs]'' She doesn't know what an unbirthday is. :'''The Mad Hatter''': How silly. I shall elucidate. <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Mad Hatter''': And now, my dear, as you were saying...? :'''Alice''': Oh, yes. I was sitting on the riverbank with you know who. :'''The Mad Hatter''': I do? :'''Alice''': I mean my C-A-T. :'''The Mad Hatter''': Tea? :'''The March Hare''': Just half a cup, if you don't mind. <hr width="50%"/> [[File:Alice_in_Wonderland_(1951)_-_Mad_Hatter.png|thumb|Would you like more tea?]] :'''The Mad Hatter''': Would you like a little more tea? :'''Alice''': Well, I haven't had any yet, so I can't very well take more. :'''The March Hare''': Ah, you mean you can't very well take less. :'''The Mad Hatter''': Yes. You can always take more than nothing. :'''Alice''': But I only meant that... :'''The Mad Hatter''': And now, my dear... Something seems to be troubling you. Won't you tell us all about it? :'''The March Hare''': Start at the beginning. :'''The Mad Hatter''': Yes. And when you come to the end... stop. See? <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Dormouse''': ''[Panics but calms down]'' :'''The Mad Hatter''': ''[after they have restrained the Dormouse]'' Ah, thank goodness! Those are the things that upset me! :'''The March Hare''': See all the trouble you started? :'''Alice''': But I didn't think... :'''The March Hare''': Ah, that's just it. If you don't think, then you shouldn't talk. <hr width="50%"/> [[File:Alice_in_Wonderland_(1951)_-_March_Hare.png|thumb|Careful! SHE's STARK RAVING MAD!]] :'''The Mad Hatter''': What's the matter, my dear? Don't you care for tea? :'''Alice''': Why, yes. I'm very fond of tea, but- :'''The March Hare''': If you don't care for tea, you could at least make polite conversation! :'''Alice''': ''[frustrated]'' Well, I've been trying to ask you- :'''The March Hare''': I have an excellent idea. Let's change the subject. :'''The Mad Hatter''': Why is a raven like a writing desk? :'''Alice''': Riddles? ''[to herself]'' Let me see. Why is a raven like a writing desk? :'''The Mad Hatter''': I beg your pardon? :'''Alice''': Why is a raven like a writing desk? :'''The Mad Hatter''': ''[shocked]'' WHY IS A WHAT?! :'''The March Hare''': ''[nervously]'' Careful! SHE'S STARK RAVING M-MAD! :'''Alice''': But it's ''your'' silly riddle. ''You'' just said... :'''The Mad Hatter''': ''[nervously]'' Easy! Don't get excited! :'''The March Hare''': ''[trying to make peace with Alice]'' How about a nice cup of tea? :'''Alice''': ''[angrily]'' "Have a cup of tea", indeed! Well, ''I'M'' sorry, but I just ''HAVEN'T'' the time! :'''The March Hare''': THE TIME! THE TIME! WHO'S GOT THE TIME? :'''The White Rabbit''': N-n-n-no time, no time, no time! Hello, goodbye, I'm late, I'm late. :'''Alice''': The White Rabbit! :'''The White Rabbit''': I'm so late! I'm so very late. :'''The Mad Hatter''': ''[snatching the White Rabbit's Watch]'' Well, no wonder you're late! Why, this clock is ''EXACTLY'' two days slow! :'''The White Rabbit''': Two days slow? :'''The Mad Hatter''': Of course you're late! ''[chuckles as he dunks the watch in the tea]'' MY GOODNESS! We'll have to look into this. ''[places a salt shaker over his eye and uses it as a jeweler's eyepiece]'' ''AHA!'' I see what's wrong with it! ''[starts to pry parts out of the watch with a fork]'' Why, this watch is full of wheels! :'''The White Rabbit''': ''[shocked]'' OH, MY POOR WATCH! OH, MY WHEELS AND SPRINGS! But-but-but-but-but-but- :'''The Mad Hatter''': BUTTER! Of course! It ''NEEDS'' some butter. BUTTER! :'''The March Hare''': ''[shouts into the White Rabbit's ear]'' ''BUTTER!'' :'''The White Rabbit''': ''[confused]'' Butter? :'''The Mad Hatter''': Butter! Oh, thank you! Ha-ha! Yes! That's FINE! :'''The White Rabbit''': Oh, no, no! No, no! No! You'll get crumbs in it! :'''The Mad Hatter''': Oh, ''THIS'' is the ''VERY BEST'' butter! ''[throws butter in the White Rabbit's face]'' What are you talking about? :'''The March Hare''': Tea? :'''The Mad Hatter''': Oh, tea! I never ''THOUGHT'' of tea before! OF COURSE! ''TEA!'' HE-HE-HE! :'''The White Rabbit''': ''NO!'' ''[shocked]'' NO! ''NOT'' TEA! :'''The March Hare''': Sugar? :'''The Mad Hatter''': SUGAR! TWO SPOONS! Yes, ha, ''TWO SPOONS'' thank you, yes! ''[jams the spoons straight into the watch]'' :'''The White Rabbit''': ''[shocked]'' Oh please, '''''BE CAREUL!''''' :'''The March Hare''': ''JAM?'' :'''The Mad Hatter''': JAM! I FORGOT ALL ABOUT JAM! Yes, sure you want. It's nice to see. :'''The White Rabbit''': No! No! Not jam! :'''The March Hare''': ''MUSTARD?'' :'''The Mad Hatter''': Mustard! Yes... What? ''MUSTARD?!'' Don't let's be silly! ''Lemon'', that's ''different'', there. THAT should do it! Hahaha! ''[watch starts going crazy]'' LOOK AT THAT! :'''The March Hare''': IT'S GOING MAD! :'''Alice''': OH, MY GOODNESS! :'''The White Rabbit''': OH, DEAR! :'''The March Hare''': IT IS GOING MAD! MAD WATCH! :'''The Mad Hatter''': I DON'T UNDERSTAND, IT'S THE BEST BUTTER! :'''The March Hare''': MAD WATCH! ''MAD WATCH! '''MAD WATCH!''' :'''The Mad Hatter''': OH, LOOK! OH, MY GOODNESS! :'''The March Hare''': THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY TO STOP A MAD WATCH! ''[smashes watch with a mallet; scene changes from color to black and white, then color again]'' :'''The Mad Hatter''': Two days slow. That's what it is. :'''The White Rabbit''': Oh, my watch... :'''The Mad Hatter''': It was? :'''The White Rabbit''': And it was an '''''unbirthday''''' present, too. :'''The March Hare''': Well, in that case... :'''The Mad Hatter and March Hare''': ''[sings both]'' A very merry unbirthday to you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alice''': Oh, dear. Now, I- now, I shall never get out. Well, when one's lost, I suppose it's good advice to stay where you are, until someone finds you. B-But who'd ever think to look for me here? ''[sigh]'' Good advice. If I listened earlier, I wouldn't be here. But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice. ''[sings]'' But I very seldom follow it. That explains the trouble that I'm always in. Be patient, is very good advice, but the waiting makes me curious. And I'd love the change. Should something strange begin? ''[begins to cry]'' Well... I went along my merry way, and I never stopped to reason. I should've known there'd be a price to pay, someday... Someday... I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it! ''[cries harder]'' Will I ever learn to do the things I should? ''[continues crying]'' :'''The Chorus''': Will I ever learn / learn to do the things I should? :'''The Cheshire Cat''': ''[singing in disappear]'' Hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm / And the mome raths outgrabe :'''Alice''': Oh, Cheshire Cat, it's you! :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Whom did you expect? The white rabbit, perchance? :'''Alice''': Oh, no, no, no. I-I'm through with rabbits. I want to go home! ''[blows nose]'' But I can't find my way. :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Naturally. That's because you have no way. ''[Ominously]'' All ways here you see, are the ''QUEEN'S'' ways! :'''Alice''': But I've never met any queen. :'''The Cheshire Cat''': You haven't? You haven't? Oh, but you must! She'll be mad about you, simply mad! ''[chuckles, then rolls over and almost disappears]'' The mome raths outgrabe... :'''Alice''': Please, please! How can I find her? :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Well, some go this way, and some go that way. But as for me, myself, personally, I prefer the short-cut. <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Card Painter, the Card Painter, the Card Painter''': Painting the roses red / We're painting the roses red / We dare to stop or waste a drop / So let the paint be spread / We're painting the roses red / We're painting the roses red / Bum bum bum bum / Oh-h-h-h / Painting the roses red / And many a tear we shed :'''The Card Painter''': Because we know :'''The Card Painter, the Card Painter''': They'll cease to grow :'''The Card Painter''': In fact, they'll soon be dead :'''The Card Painter, the Card Painter''': Oh! :'''The Card Painter, the Card Painter, the Card Painter''': And yet we got ahead / Painting the roses red / Red, red, red, red / Red, red, red, red / Painting the roses red / We're painting the roses red... :'''Alice''': ''[singing]'' Oh, pardon me, but, Mr. 3 / Why must you paint them red? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alice''': ''[singing]'' Painting the roses red... :'''The Card Painter, the Card Painter, the Card Painter''': ''[singing]'' We're painting the roses red. Don't tell the Queen what you have seen or say that's what we said, but we're painting the roses red. :'''Alice''': Yes, painting the roses red. :'''The Card Painter''': Not pink! :'''The Card Painter''': Not green! :'''Alice''': Not aquamarine! :'''The Card Painter, the Card Painter, the Card Painter''': We're painting the roses red! <hr width="50%"/> :'''The White Rabbit''': Her Imperial Highness, Her Grace, Her Excellency, Her Royal Majesty, the Queen of Hearts! ''[The crowd cheers]'' ... And the King. :'''The Card''': Hooray! :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Hmm! Who's been painting my roses red? WHO'S BEEN PAINTING MY ROSES RED? /Who dares to taint / With vulgar paint / The royal flower bed? / For painting my roses red / Someone will lose his head. :'''The Card Painter''': Oh, no, Your Majesty, please! It's all his fault! :'''The Card Painter''': Not me, your grace! The Ace, the Ace! :'''The Queen of Hearts''': You? :'''The Card Painter''': No, Deuce! :'''The Queen of Hearts''': The Deuce, you say? :'''The Card Painter''': Not me! The 3! :'''The Queen of Hearts''': That's enough! Off with their heads! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alice''': Oh, please, they were only trying... :'''The Queen of Hearts''': And who is this? :'''The King of Hearts''': Let me see, my dear. It's certainly not a heart. Do you suppose it's a club? :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Why, it's a little girl. :'''Alice''': Yes. And I was hoping... :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Look up. Speak nicely. And don't twiddle your fingers. Turn out your toes. Curtsy. Open your mouth a little wider. And always say, Yes, Your Majesty. :'''Alice''': Yes, Your Majesty. :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Now, where d'you come from and where are you going? :'''Alice''': I'm trying to find my way home. :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Your way? All ways here are my ways! :'''Alice''': Yes, I know. But I was just thinking... :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Curtsy while you're thinking. It saves time. :'''Alice''': Yes, Your Majesty. But I was only going to ask... :'''The Queen of Hearts''': I'll ask the questions! Do you play croquet? :'''Alice''': Yes, Your Majesty. :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Then let the game begin! <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Off with his head! :'''The King of Hearts''': Off with his head. Off with his head. By order of the Queen. Uh, you heard what Her Majesty said. <hr width="50%"/> :'''The White Rabbit''': Your Majesty, members of the jury, loyal subjects... and the King... the prisoner at the bar stands accused of enticing Her Majesty, the Queen of Hearts, into a game of croquet, thereby and with malice of forethought, molesting, tormenting, and otherwise annoying our beloved... :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Never mind all that! Get to the part where I lose my temper. :'''The White Rabbit''': ...Thereby causing the Queen to lose her temper. :'''The Queen of Hearts''': ''[to Alice]'' Now, are you ready for your sentence? :'''Alice''': Sentence? But there has to be a verdict first... :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Sentence first! Verdict afterwards. :'''Alice''': But that just isn't the way... :'''The Queen of Hearts''': ''[shouting]'' All ways are...! :'''Alice''': ...Your ways, Your Majesty. :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Yes, my child. ''[giggles]'' ''[yelling]'' OFF WITH HER-! Huh? :'''The King of Hearts''': Consider, my dear. We called no witnesses. Couldn't we hear... maybe one or two, huh? Maybe...? :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Oh, very well. ''[yelling]'' '''''BUT GET ON WITH IT!''''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''The King of Hearts''': What do you know about this unfortunate affair? :'''The March Hare''': Nothing. :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Nothing whatever? :'''The March Hare''': Nothing whatever! :'''The Queen of Hearts''': '''''THAT'S VERY IMPORTANT!''''' Jury, write that down! <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Queen of Hearts''': ''[yelling]'' '''''OFF WITH YOUR HAT!''''' :'''The Mad Hatter''': Oh, my! ''[takes his hat off which reveals a teapot and teacup, giggles]'' :'''The King of Hearts''': Where were you when this horrible crime was committed? :'''The Mad Hatter''': I was home drinking tea. ''[pours tea into a cup]'' Today, you know, was... ''[drinks tea]'' ...my unbirthday. :'''The King of Hearts''': Why, my dear, today is YOUR unbirthday, too! :'''The Queen of Hearts''': It is? :'''The March Hare''': It is? :'''The Card Guards''': IT IS??? ''[Much to Alice's horror]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Queen of Hearts''': ''[after the Queen of Hearts is hit in the head and covered in the tapestry]'' Somebody's head IS GOING TO ROLL FOR THIS! ''[RIP! The Queen's face covered by jam, seeing that Alice must have done this]'' AH-HA! :'''Alice''': ''[throws away the gavel and jam and stuffs her hands in her apron's pockets, which soon reveals she still has both parts of the mushroom]'' The mushroom! ''[she quickly eats both parts]'' :'''The Queen of Hearts''': ''[yelling]'' '''OFF WITH HER-!''' ''[covers her mouth in shock as Alice is grown to the height of the courtroom]'' :'''Alice''': ''[to the card guards, after she grows to the height of the courtroom]'' Oh, pooh. I'm not afraid of you. Why, you're nothing, but a pack of cards. :'''The King of Hearts''': ''[reading through a rulebook]'' Rule forty-two: All persons more than a mile high must leave the court immediately! :'''Alice''': I am not a mile high! And I’m not leaving. :'''The Queen of Hearts''': ''[nervously]'' Sorry. Rule forty-two, you know. :'''Alice''': Now, as for you, Your ''Majesty''. ''[unaware that she is shrinking quickly]'' Or Your Majesty, indeed. Why, you're not a queen. Why, you're just a fat, pompous, bad-tempered old tyrant. ''[finally realizes she has shrunk down]'' :'''The Queen of Hearts''': ''[laughs evilly]'' And, what were you saying, my dear? :'''The Cheshire Cat''': ''[appears suddenly, much to Alice's horror]'' Well, she simply said that you're a fat, pompous, bad-tempered old tyrant! ''[disappears laughing]'' :'''The Queen of Hearts''': ''[yelling]'' <big><big>'''''OFF WITH HER HEAD!'''''</big></big> :'''The King of Hearts''': ''[uses his crown as a megaphone]'' You heard what Her Majesty said. Off with her head. <hr width="50%"> :'''The Queen of Hearts''': ''[spotting Alice]'' There she goes. Don't let her get away. Off with her head! :''[Alice reaches the door to escape from the mob]'' :'''The Doorknob''': ''[tries to open the door]'' D'oh! I'm still locked, you know! :'''Alice''': ''[in horror]'' But the Queen! I simply must get out! :'''The Doorknob''': ''[chuckles]'' But you are outside. :'''Alice''': ''[releases her grip on the Doorknob]'' What? :'''The Doorknob''': ''[opens his mouth]'' See for yourself. ''[Alice sees through his mouth and sees herself asleep with Dinah also sleeping on her lap by a tree in a beautiful meadow]'' :'''Alice''': Why, that's me! I'm asleep! :'''The Queen of Hearts''': ''[shouting from a distance, advancing toward Alice along with a mob of other Wonderland characters]'' Don't let her get away! Off with her head! :'''Alice''': ''[in terror, through the Doorknob's mouth]'' Alice, wake up! Please, wake up, Alice! :'''The Queen of Hearts''': ''[The mob comes closer; last words]'' Off with her head! :'''Alice''': Alice! Please, wake up, Alice! ''[as the mob draws nearer, the screen goes into swirling multicolor until it shows Alice trying to push the mob away before sleeping by the tree]'' :'''Alice''': ''[voiceover]'' Alice! Alice! Alice! :'''Alice's Sister''': ''[changes to her sister's]'' Alice! Alice! Will you kindly pay attention and recite your lesson? :'''Alice''': ''[waking up after escaping the mob]'' Hm? Oh! Oh, uh, how doth the little crocodile improve each shining tail and pour the waters of the-- :'''Alice's Sister''': Alice, what are you talking about? :'''Alice''': Oh, I'm sorry. But you see, the Caterpillar said-- :'''Alice's Sister''': Caterpillar? Oh, for goodness sakes. Alice, I... Oh, well. Come along, it's time for tea. == Taglines == * A world of wonders in One Great Picture == About ''Alice in Wonderland'' == * No story in English literature has intrigued me more than Lewis Carroll's Alice in Wonderland. It fascinated me the first time I read it as a schoolboy and as soon as I possibly could after I started making animated cartoons, I acquired the film rights to it. People in his period had no time to waste on triviality, yet Carroll with his nonsense and fantasy furnished a balance between seriousness and enjoyment which everybody needed then and still needs today. :* [[Walt Disney]] ''American Weekly'' (1946) ==Cast== * [[w:Kathryn Beaumont|Kathryn Beaumont]] - Alice (voice) * [[Ed Wynn]] - Mad Hatter (voice) * [[w:Richard Haydn|Richard Haydn]] - Caterpillar (voice) * [[w:Sterling Holloway|Sterling Holloway]] - Cheshire Cat (voice) * [[w:Jerry Colonna (entertainer)|Jerry Colonna]] - March Hare (voice) * [[w:Verna Felton|Verna Felton]] - Queen of Hearts (voice) * [[Bill Thompson]] - White Rabbit and Pat the Dodo (voice) * [[w:Heather Angel (actress)|Heather Angel]] - Lorina (voice) * [[w:Joseph Kearns|Joseph Kearns]] - Doorknob (voice) * [[w:Larry Grey|Larry Grey]] - Bill the Lizard (voice) * [[w:Doris Lloyd|Doris Lloyd]] - Red Rose (voice) * [[w:Queenie Leonard|Queenie Leonard]] - Pigeon and Iris (voice) * [[w:J. Pat O'Malley|J. Pat O'Malley]] - Tweedledum and Tweedledee, Walrus and Carpenter and Curious Oysters (voice) * [[w:Jimmy MacDoanld (sounds effect artist)|James MacDonald]] - Dormouse (voice) * [[w:Dink Trout|Dink Trout]] - King of Hearts (voice) * [[w:Ken Beaumont|Ken Beaumont]] - Jack of Hearts (voice) * [[w:Pinto Colvig|Pinto Colvig]] - Flamingos (voice) * [[w:Jack Mercer|Jack Mercer]] - Hedgehogs (voice) * [[w:The Mellomen|The Mellomen ]] - Card Painters (voice) * [[w:Don Barclay|Don Barclay]] - Card Guards (voice) * [[w:Lucille Bliss|Lucille Bliss]] - White Daisy and Tulips (voice) * [[w:Lynn Bari|Lynn Bari]] - Lily of the Valley (voice) * [[w:Norma Zimmer|Norma Zimmer]] - White Rose (voice) * [[w:Marni Nixon|Marni Nixon]] - Calla Lily, Lilac, Blue Larkspurs and Red Daisies (voice) * [[w:Tommy Luske|Tommy Luske]] - Pansies and Blue Violets (voice) * [[w:Jimmy Luske|Jimmy Luske]] - Red Rosebud (voice) * [[w:Erdman Penner|Erdman Penner]] - Eagle (voice) ==External links== * {{wikipedia-inline|Alice in Wonderland (1951 film)|''Alice in Wonderland'' (1951 film)}} * {{commonscat-inline|Alice in Wonderland (1951 film)|''Alice in Wonderland'' (1951 film)}} * {{imdb title|0043274|Alice in Wonderland}} {{Authority control}} {{Walt Disney Animation Studios}} [[Category:1951 animated films]] [[Category:1950s American animated films]] [[Category:Traditionally animated films]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure films]] [[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]] [[Category:American children's animated musical films]] [[Category:Films based on Alice in Wonderland]] [[Category:Films about children]] [[Category:Animated films about rabbits and hares]] [[Category:Films about lizards]] [[Category:The Walt Disney Company]] [[Category:Films about size change]] doycom9rvi37dnevvuovzc336h0hins 3778917 3778914 2025-07-14T22:41:02Z California2003 3224630 3778917 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} [[File:Aliceinwonderland-logo.svg|thumb|Alice in Wonderland logo card]] [[File:Alice in wonderland 1951.jpg|thumb|Alice]] '''''[[w:Alice in Wonderland (1951 film)|Alice in Wonderland]]''''' is a [[w:1951 in film|1951]] American [[w:animation|animated]] [[w:musical film|musical]] [[w:fantasy film|fantasy]]-[[w:adventure film|adventure film]] produced by [[Walt Disney]]. It is about a young girl named Alice who follows a white rabbit into a world that is illogical and absurd, but later wishes to go home. :''Directed by [[w:Clyde Geronimi|Clyde Geronimi]] and [[w:Wilfred Jackson|Wilfred Jackson]]. Written by Milt Banta, Del Connell, William Cottrell, [[w:Joe Grant|Joe Grant]], [[w:Winston Hibler|Winston Hibler]], [[w:Dick Huemer|Dick Huemer]], [[w:Dick Kelsey|Dick Kelsey]], Tom Oreb, [[w:Bill Peet|Bill Peet]], Erdman Penner, Joe Rinaldi, [[w:Ted Sears|Ted Sears]], and John Walbridge. Based on [[Alice's Adventures in Wonderland]] and [[Through the Looking-Glass]] by [[Lewis Carroll]].'' {{center/s}}''' A world of wonders in One Great Picture''' ([[Alice in Wonderland (1951 film)#Taglines|taglines]]){{center/e}} ==Alice== * My, what a peculiar place to have a party. You know, Dinah, we really shouldn't be doing this. ''[while crawling through the rabbit hole]'' After all, we've haven't been invited, and curiosity often leads to trouble! ''[As Alice finishes her sentence, she falls down the hole]'' Goodbye, Dinah. Goodbye! ''[while magically floating down the rabbit hole]'' Well! After this, I shall think nothing of falling down stairs. Goodness. What if I should fall right through the center of the Earth... And come out the other side where people walk upside down? But that's silly. * It would be so nice if something would make sense for a change. * ''[to the pink flamingo mallet]'' Do you want us ''both'' to lose our heads?! ==Queen of Hearts== * ''[repeated line]'' Off with her head! ==Dialogue== :''[First Lines]'' :'''Alice's Sister''': ''[reading from a history book]'' "...Who wanted leaders, and had been of late much accustomed to usurpation and conquest. Edwin and Morcar, the Earls of Mercia and Northumbria, declared for him: and even Stigand..." Alice? ''[camera zooms out to show Alice sitting in a tree, playing with Dinah and making a chain of daisies]'' :'''Alice''': Hmm? Oh, I'm listening. :'''Alice's Sister''': "And even Stigand, the archbishop of Canterbury, agreed to meet with William and offer him the crown. William's conduct at first was moderate." ''[Alice laughs as her daisy crown falls on her face]'' Alice? Will you kindly pay attention to your history lesson? :'''Alice''': I'm sorry, but how can one possibly pay attention to a book with no pictures in it? :'''Alice's Sister''': My dear child, there are a great many good books in this world without pictures. :'''Alice''': In ''this'' world, perhaps, but in my world, the books would be nothing but pictures. :'''Alice's Sister''': ''Your'' world? Huh! What nonsense. Now... :'''Alice''': ''[getting inspiration]'' Nonsense? :'''Alice's Sister''': Once more, from the beginning. :'''Alice''': ''[to her cat, Dinah]'' That's it, Dinah. If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrariwise, what it is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? ''[Dinah meows to her, shaking her head]'' In my world, you wouldn't say "meow". You'd say, "Yes, Miss. Alice". ''[Dinah meows as Alice picks her up]'' Oh, but you would. You'd be just like people, Dinah. And all the other animals, too. Why, in my world... Cats and rabbits / would reside in fancy little houses, / and be dressed in shoes and hats and trousers. / In a world of my own... / All the flowers / would have very extra special powers. / They would sit and talk to me for hours / when I'm lonely in a world of my own. / There'd be new birds, / lots of nice and friendly how-de-do birds. / Everyone would have a dozen bluebirds / within that world of my own. / I could listen to a babbling brook and hear a song that I could understand. / I keep wishing it could be that way / because my world would be a Wonderland. [[File:Alice_in_Wonderland_(1951)_-_White_Rabbit.png|thumb|I'm late, I'm late.]] :'''Alice''': ''[Dinah meows to her]'' Oh, Dinah. It's just a rabbit with a waistcoat... and a watch! :'''The White Rabbit''': Oh, my fur and whiskers! I'm late, I'm late, I'm late! :'''Alice''': Now, this is curious. What could a rabbit possibly be late for? ''[running after him]'' Please, sir! :'''The White Rabbit''': I'm late, I'm late. For a very important date. No time to say "hello". Goodbye. I'm late, I'm late, I'm late. :'''Alice''': It must be awfully important, like a party or something. Mr. Rabbit. Wait! :'''The White Rabbit''': No, no, no, I'm overdue. I'm really in a stew. No time to say goodbye, hello. I'm late, I'm late, I'm late. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alice''': Curiouser and curiouser. ''[runs up to the small door by pulling back the curtains and turns the Doorknob, it starts talking]'' :'''The Doorknob''': D'ooooh! :'''Alice''': Oh! I beg your pardon... :'''The Doorknob''': Whew. Quite alright, but you did give me quite a turn. :'''Alice''': You see, I was following... :'''The Doorknob''': Rather good, what? Doorknob? Turn? :'''Alice''': Please, sir. :'''The Doorknob''': Since one good turn deserves another, what can I do for you? :'''Alice''': I'm looking for a white rabbit. So, if you don't mind... :'''The Doorknob''': Eh? Oh. :'''Alice''': ''[looking through the Doorknob's keyhole]'' There he is! I simply must get through. :'''The Doorknob''': Sorry. You're much too big. Simply impassable. :'''Alice''': You mean "impossible"? :'''The Doorknob''': No, impassable. Nothing's impossible. Why don't you try the bottle on the table? :'''Alice''': Table? ''[a table and a small bottle magically appear out of the shadows]'' Oh! :'''The Doorknob''': Read the directions and directly you will be directed in the right direction. :'''Alice''': ''[reading the bottle's label]'' '''"Drink Me."''' ''[uncorks the bottle]'' Hm, better look first. For if one drinks much from a bottle marked "Poison", it's almost certain to disagree with one sooner or later. :'''The Doorknob''': Beg your pardon? :'''Alice''': ''[laughs]'' I was just giving myself some good advice. ''[sighs]'' But... ''[drinks from the bottle]'' Mmm... tastes like, uh... cherry tart. ''[unknowingly shrinks down to the size of the table; takes another sip]'' Custard. ''[shrinks down again, barely holding onto the bottle; takes another drink]'' Pineapple. ''[shrinks down so much, she's now even smaller than the bottle itself and struggling with its weight]'' Roast turkey… ''[finally aware of the potion's effect]'' Goodness! ''[unable to support the bottle any longer, slips and drops it]'' What did I do?! :'''The Doorknob''': ''[chuckles]'' You almost went out like a candle! :'''Alice''': ''[runs up to the Doorknob; delighted]'' But look! I'm just the right size! :''[She's about to open the door, but the Doorknob pulls away]'' :'''The Doorknob''': No use. ''[laughs]'' I forgot to tell you. I'm locked! :'''Alice''': Oh, no! :'''The Doorknob''': ''[stops laughing]'' But of course, you've got the key. :'''Alice''': What key? :'''The Doorknob''': Now, don't tell me you've left it up there. :''[A key magically appears on top of the table]'' :'''Alice''': Oh, dear! ''[Alice fails to reach it when she tries to climb up]'' Whatever will I do? :'''The Doorknob''': Try the box, naturally. :''[A tiny box magically appears in front of Alice]'' :'''Alice''': Oh. ''[opens the lid, revealing cookies labeled, "Eat Me"; takes one]'' "Eat Me." All right. But goodness knows what this will do. ''[takes a bite and grows bigger as she hits her head on the ceiling]'' What did you say? :'''The Doorknob''': I said a little of that went a long way. ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> [[File:Alice_in_Wonderland_(1951)_-_Tweedledum_and_Tweedledee.png|thumb|That's logic.]] :'''Alice''': Mr. Rabbit. Oh, Mr. Rabbit. Oh, dear. I'm sure he came this way. Do you suppose he could be hiding? Hmm. Not here. I wonder... No. I suppose he must have... ''[upon seeing Tweedledee and Tweedledum]'' Why, what peculiar little figures. "Tweedledee," and "Tweedledum." :'''Tweedledum''': ''[honk]'' If you think we're waxworks, you ought to pay, you know. :'''Tweedledee''': ''[beep]'' Contrariwise, if you think we're alive you ought to speak to us. :'''Tweedledee and Tweedledum''': That's logic. :'''Alice''': Well... It's been nice meeting you. Goodbye. :'''Tweedledee''': You're beginning backwards. :'''Tweedledum''': The first thing in a visit is to say... :'''Tweedledee and Tweedledum''': ''[singing together]'' How d'ya do? And shake hands, shake hands, shake hands. How d'ya do? And shake hands and state your name and business. ''[both spoken]'' That's manners! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alice''': ''[after the Walrus and the Carpenter song]'' That was a very sad story. :'''Tweedledee and Tweedledum''': Aye, but there's a moral to it. :'''Alice''': Oh, yes, a very good moral, if you happen to be an oyster. <hr width="50%"/> :'''The White Rabbit''': Why, Mary-Ann! What are you doing out here? :'''Alice''': Mary-Ann? :'''The White Rabbit''': Don't just do something, stand there... Uh... no, no! Go, go! Go get my gloves! I'm late! :'''Alice''': But late for what? That's just what I... :'''The White Rabbit''': My gloves! ''[Blows trumpet]'' At once, do you hear!? :'''Alice''': Goodness. I suppose I'll be taking orders from Dinah next. <hr width="50%"/> :'''The White Rabbit''': Oh! Bill! Bill, we need a lizard with a ladder. Can you help us? :'''Bill the Lizard''': At your service, gov'nor. :'''Pat the Dodo''': Bill, my lad. Have you ever been down a chimney? :'''Bill the Lizard''': Why, gov'nor, I've been down more chimneys... :'''Pat the Dodo''': Excellent, excellent. Now, just hop down the chimney and pull that monster out of there. :'''Bill the Lizard''': Righto, gov'nor... Monster? Aaaaah! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pat the Dodo''': ''[singing]'' We'll blow the thing there out, we'll smoke the monster out! :'''The White Rabbit''': ''[singing]'' We'll smoke the monster out... ''[realizes what he just sang]'' NO! No-ho! My poor house and furniture! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alice''': I beg your pardon, but uh...did you...? Oh, that's nonsense. Flowers can't talk. :'''The Red Rose''': But of course we can talk, my dear. :'''The Iris''': If there's anyone worth talking to. :'''The White Daisy''': Or about. ''[giggles]'' :'''The Pansies''': And we sing, too! :'''Alice''': You do? :'''The Yellow Tulip''': Oh, yes! Would you like to hear "Tell it to the Tulips"? :'''The Blue Larkspurs''': No, let's sing about us. :'''The Blue Violets''': We know one about the shy, little violets. :'''The Calla Lily''': Oh, no, not that old thing! :'''The Lily of the Valley''': Let's do "Lovely Lily of the Valley"! <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Red Rose''': Girls! We shall sing "Golden Afternoon". That's about all of us. Sound your "A", Lily. <hr width="50%"/> :'''The White Daisy''': What kind of a garden d'you come from? :'''Alice''': Oh, I don't come from any garden. :'''The White Daisy''': ''[gasps, to the Iris]'' Do you suppose she's a wildflower? :'''Alice''': ''[giggles]'' Oh, no. I'm not a wildflower. :'''The Red Rose''': Just what species or, shall we say, genus are you, my dear? :'''Alice''': Well, I guess you would call me... genus, humanus... Alice. :'''The White Daisy''': Ever see an Alice with a blossom like that? :'''The Iris''': Come to think of it, did you ever see an Alice? <hr width="50%"/> [[File:Alice_in_Wonderland_(1951)_-_Caterpillar.png|thumb|Who are you?]] :'''The Caterpillar''': ''[meeting Alice]'' Who are you? :'''Alice''': I hardly know, sir. I've changed so many times since this morning, you see... :'''The Caterpillar''': I do not see. Explain yourself. :'''Alice''': I'm afraid I can't explain myself, sir, because I'm not myself, you know. :'''The Caterpillar''': I do not know. :'''Alice''': Well, I can't put it any more clearly, sir, for it isn't clear to me. :'''The Caterpillar''': You? Who are you? :'''Alice''': Well, don't you think you should tell me... ''[coughs from the smoke]'' Who, you are first? :'''The Caterpillar''': Why? :'''Alice''': Oh, dear, everything is ''so'' confusing. :'''The Caterpillar''': It is not. :'''Alice''': Well, it is to me. :'''The Caterpillar''': Why? :'''Alice''': Well, I can't remember things like I used to, and... :'''The Caterpillar''': Recite. :'''Alice''': Hm? Oh! Oh, yes, sir. Um, how doth the little bumblebee improve each... :'''The Caterpillar''': Stop. That is not spoken correctically. It goes: How... ''[realizes nothing is coming out of his pipe and notices one of his set of hands grasping on the tube, clogging it; he slaps the hands to get it off the pipe; Alice giggles a bit, but the Caterpillar gives Alice a displeasing look]'' How doth the little crocodile improve his shining tail. And pour the waters of the Nile, on every golden scale. How cheer... ''[shakes a bit]'' How cheer... ''[notices one set of feet teetering on the leaf he's sitting on; he grabs them and puts them back on the leaf; Alice giggles again]'' How cheerfully he seems to grin, how neatly spreads his claws. And welcomes little fishes in, with gently smiling jaws. ''[looks at Alice]'' :'''Alice''': Well, I must say, I've never heard it that way before. :'''The Caterpillar''': I know. I have improved it. ''[blows smoke in Alice's face; she coughs]'' :'''Alice''': Well, if you ask me... :'''The Caterpillar''': ''You? [scoffs] ''Who are you?'' :''[Alice coughs as her head is enveloped in smoke. Fed up with the Caterpillar's nonsense, she storms off before stopping to kick a cloud of smoke off her shoe. She turns back to face the Caterpillar and leaves, her head turned up]'' :'''The Caterpillar''': ''[now noticing Alice leaving]'' You there. Girl. Wait! Come back! ''I have something important to say!'' :'''Alice''': Oh dear. I wonder what he wants now... ''[She returns to the Caterpillar, blowing a smoke arrow at a smoke target]'' Well? :'''The Caterpillar''': Keep your temper. :'''Alice''': Is that all? :'''The Caterpillar''': No. Exactly, what is your problem? :'''Alice''': Well, it's exactly... Well, it's precisely this. I should like to be a little larger, sir. :'''The Caterpillar''': Why? :'''Alice''': Well, after all, three inches is such a wretched height, and... :'''The Caterpillar''': ''[suddenly angry]'' ''I'' am exactly three inches high, '''and it is a very good height, ''indeed!''''' ''[starts smoking his hookah faster and faster until he is enveloped in black smoke]'' :'''Alice''': But I'm not used to it. And you needn't '''shout'''! ''[she blows the cloud away as she says this, showing the Caterpillar's skin, shoes, hands, and hookah laying there]'' Oh, dear. :'''The Caterpillar''': ''[now a butterfly]'' By the way, I have a few more helpful hints. One side will make you grow taller... :'''Alice''': One side of what? :'''The Butterfly''': ...And the other side will make you grow shorter. ''[he flies away]'' :'''Alice''': ''[shouting]'' The other side of what? :'''The Butterfly''': ''[equally as loud; hostile]'' '''THE MUSHROOM, ''OF COURSE!''''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Pigeon''': A serpent! Help! Help! A serpent, a serpent! :'''Alice''': Oh, but please! Please! :'''The Pigeon''': Off with you! Shoo! Shoo! Go away! Serpent! Serpeeeent! :'''Alice''': But I'm not a serpent! :'''The Pigeon''': Serpent- Indeed? Then, just what are you? :'''Alice''': I'm just a little girl. :'''The Pigeon''': Little? Ha! ''Little?'' ''[laughs]'' :'''Alice''': Well, I am! I mean, I-I was. :'''The Pigeon''': And I suppose you don't eat eggs, either? :'''Alice''': Yes, I do, but, but, but... :'''The Pigeon''': I knew it! I knew it! Serpent! Serpeeeent! :'''Alice''': Oh, for goodness sake! <hr width="50%"/> [[File:Alice_in_Wonderland_(1951)_-_Cheshire_Cat.png|thumb|Most everyone's mad here.]] :'''The Cheshire Cat''': ''[singing] 'Twas brilig, and the slithy toves <br> Did gyre and gimble in the wabe <br> All mimsy were the borogroves,<br> And the mome raths outgrabe.'' :'''Alice''': Now, where in the world do you suppose that...? :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Lose something? :'''Alice''': ''[turns around to find just the Cat's smile talking to her]'' Oh! Uh, hehe, no, no, I mean, I was just wondering... :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Oh, that's quite alright. One moment please. ''[Two eyes drop down on top of the mouth and play harmonica notes. The full cat form appears]'' Second chorus. ''[singing]'' 'Twas brilig, and the slithy toves <br> Did gyre and gimble in the wabe. :'''Alice''': Why, why, you're a cat! :'''The Cheshire Cat''': A ''Cheshire'' Cat. ''[starts to disappear]'' All mimsy were the borogroves... :'''Alice''': Oh, wait! Don't go, please! :'''The Cheshire Cat''': ''[reappears]'' There you are! Third chorus... :'''Alice''': Oh, no, no. Thank you, but I just wanted to ask which way I ought to go. :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Well, that depends on where you ought to get to. :'''Alice''': Oh, it really doesn't matter, as long as I... :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Then it really doesn't matter which way you go. ''[disappears and reappears on another tree branch]'' Oh by the way, if you'd really like to know, he went that way. :'''Alice''': Who did? :'''The Cheshire Cat''': The White Rabbit. :'''Alice''': He did? :'''The Cheshire Cat''': He did what? :'''Alice''': He went that way. :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Who did? :'''Alice''': The white rabbit! :'''The Cheshire Cat''': What rabbit? :'''Alice''': But didn't you just say? I mean- Oh, dear! :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Can you stand on your head? However, if I were looking for a white rabbit, I'd ask the Mad Hatter. :'''Alice''': The Mad Hatter? Oh, no, no, no... :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Or, there's the March Hare, in that direction. :'''Alice''': Oh, thank you. I think I shall visit him... :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Of course, he's mad, too. :'''Alice''': But I don't want to go among mad people! :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Oh, you can't help that. Most everyone's mad here. ''[laughs maniacally and begins to disappear]'' You may have noticed that I'm not ''ALL THERE'' myself, ''[laughs creepily as he fades away]'' ''And the mome raths outgrabe!'' :'''Alice''': Goodness. If the people here are like that, I must try not to upset them. <hr width="50%"/> :'''The March Hare and the Mad Hatter''': ''[run over to Alice]'' No room! No room! No room! :'''Alice''': I thought there was plenty of room. :'''The March Hare''': Ah, but it's very rude to sit down without being invited. :'''The Mad Hatter''': I'll say it's rude. It's very, very rude indeed. :'''The Dormouse''': Very, very rude indeed. :'''Alice''': I'm very sorry. But I did enjoy your singing, and I wonder if you could tell me… :'''The March Hare''': You enjoyed ''our'' singing? :'''The Mad Hatter''': Oh, what a delightful child! I'm so excited. We never get compliments. You must have a cup of tea. :'''The March Hare''': Ah, yes, indeed. The tea. You must have a cup of tea. :'''Alice''': That would be very nice. I'm sorry I interrupted your birthday party. ''[March Hare offers her a cup of tea]'' Thank you. :'''The March Hare''': ''[yanks her teacup away]'' Birthday? Ha-ha-ha. My dear child, this is NOT a birthday party! :'''The Mad Hatter''': Of course not. This is an ''un''birthday party. :'''Alice''': Unbirthday? Well, I'm sorry, but I don't quite understand. :'''The March Hare''': It's very simple. Now, 30 days has Septem -No, wait... An unbirthday, if you have a birthday, then, you- ''[laughs]'' She doesn't know what an unbirthday is. :'''The Mad Hatter''': How silly. I shall elucidate. <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Mad Hatter''': And now, my dear, as you were saying...? :'''Alice''': Oh, yes. I was sitting on the riverbank with you know who. :'''The Mad Hatter''': I do? :'''Alice''': I mean my C-A-T. :'''The Mad Hatter''': Tea? :'''The March Hare''': Just half a cup, if you don't mind. <hr width="50%"/> [[File:Alice_in_Wonderland_(1951)_-_Mad_Hatter.png|thumb|Would you like more tea?]] :'''The Mad Hatter''': Would you like a little more tea? :'''Alice''': Well, I haven't had any yet, so I can't very well take more. :'''The March Hare''': Ah, you mean you can't very well take less. :'''The Mad Hatter''': Yes. You can always take more than nothing. :'''Alice''': But I only meant that... :'''The Mad Hatter''': And now, my dear... Something seems to be troubling you. Won't you tell us all about it? :'''The March Hare''': Start at the beginning. :'''The Mad Hatter''': Yes. And when you come to the end... stop. See? <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Dormouse''': ''[Panics but calms down]'' :'''The Mad Hatter''': ''[after they have restrained the Dormouse]'' Ah, thank goodness! Those are the things that upset me! :'''The March Hare''': See all the trouble you started? :'''Alice''': But I didn't think... :'''The March Hare''': Ah, that's just it. If you don't think, then you shouldn't talk. <hr width="50%"/> [[File:Alice_in_Wonderland_(1951)_-_March_Hare.png|thumb|Careful! SHE's STARK RAVING MAD!]] :'''The Mad Hatter''': What's the matter, my dear? Don't you care for tea? :'''Alice''': Why, yes. I'm very fond of tea, but- :'''The March Hare''': If you don't care for tea, you could at least make polite conversation! :'''Alice''': ''[frustrated]'' Well, I've been trying to ask you- :'''The March Hare''': I have an excellent idea. Let's change the subject. :'''The Mad Hatter''': Why is a raven like a writing desk? :'''Alice''': Riddles? ''[to herself]'' Let me see. Why is a raven like a writing desk? :'''The Mad Hatter''': I beg your pardon? :'''Alice''': Why is a raven like a writing desk? :'''The Mad Hatter''': ''[shocked]'' WHY IS A WHAT?! :'''The March Hare''': ''[nervously]'' Careful! SHE'S STARK RAVING M-MAD! :'''Alice''': But it's ''your'' silly riddle. ''You'' just said... :'''The Mad Hatter''': ''[nervously]'' Easy! Don't get excited! :'''The March Hare''': ''[trying to make peace with Alice]'' How about a nice cup of tea? :'''Alice''': ''[angrily]'' "Have a cup of tea", indeed! Well, ''I'M'' sorry, but I just ''HAVEN'T'' the time! :'''The March Hare''': THE TIME! THE TIME! WHO'S GOT THE TIME? :'''The White Rabbit''': N-n-n-no time, no time, no time! Hello, goodbye, I'm late, I'm late. :'''Alice''': The White Rabbit! :'''The White Rabbit''': I'm so late! I'm so very late. :'''The Mad Hatter''': ''[snatching the White Rabbit's Watch]'' Well, no wonder you're late! Why, this clock is ''EXACTLY'' two days slow! :'''The White Rabbit''': Two days slow? :'''The Mad Hatter''': Of course you're late! ''[chuckles as he dunks the watch in the tea]'' MY GOODNESS! We'll have to look into this. ''[places a salt shaker over his eye and uses it as a jeweler's eyepiece]'' ''AHA!'' I see what's wrong with it! ''[starts to pry parts out of the watch with a fork]'' Why, this watch is full of wheels! :'''The White Rabbit''': ''[shocked]'' OH, MY POOR WATCH! OH, MY WHEELS AND SPRINGS! But-but-but-but-but-but- :'''The Mad Hatter''': BUTTER! Of course! It ''NEEDS'' some butter. BUTTER! :'''The March Hare''': ''[shouts into the White Rabbit's ear]'' ''BUTTER!'' :'''The White Rabbit''': ''[confused]'' Butter? :'''The Mad Hatter''': Butter! Oh, thank you! Ha-ha! Yes! That's FINE! :'''The White Rabbit''': Oh, no, no! No, no! No! You'll get crumbs in it! :'''The Mad Hatter''': Oh, ''THIS'' is the ''VERY BEST'' butter! ''[throws butter in the White Rabbit's face]'' What are you talking about? :'''The March Hare''': Tea? :'''The Mad Hatter''': Oh, tea! I never ''THOUGHT'' of tea before! OF COURSE! ''TEA!'' HE-HE-HE! :'''The White Rabbit''': ''NO!'' ''[shocked]'' NO! ''NOT'' TEA! :'''The March Hare''': Sugar? :'''The Mad Hatter''': SUGAR! TWO SPOONS! Yes, ha, ''TWO SPOONS'' thank you, yes! ''[jams the spoons straight into the watch]'' :'''The White Rabbit''': ''[shocked]'' Oh please, '''''BE CAREUL!''''' :'''The March Hare''': ''JAM?'' :'''The Mad Hatter''': JAM! I FORGOT ALL ABOUT JAM! Yes, sure you want. It's nice to see. :'''The White Rabbit''': No! No! Not jam! :'''The March Hare''': ''MUSTARD?'' :'''The Mad Hatter''': Mustard! Yes... What? ''MUSTARD?!'' Don't let's be silly! ''Lemon'', that's ''different'', there. THAT should do it! Hahaha! ''[watch starts going crazy]'' LOOK AT THAT! :'''The March Hare''': IT'S GOING MAD! :'''Alice''': OH, MY GOODNESS! :'''The White Rabbit''': OH, DEAR! :'''The March Hare''': IT IS GOING MAD! MAD WATCH! :'''The Mad Hatter''': I DON'T UNDERSTAND, IT'S THE BEST BUTTER! :'''The March Hare''': MAD WATCH! ''MAD WATCH! '''MAD WATCH!''' :'''The Mad Hatter''': OH, LOOK! OH, MY GOODNESS! :'''The March Hare''': THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY TO STOP A MAD WATCH! ''[smashes watch with a mallet; scene changes from color to black and white, then color again]'' :'''The Mad Hatter''': Two days slow. That's what it is. :'''The White Rabbit''': Oh, my watch... :'''The Mad Hatter''': It was? :'''The White Rabbit''': And it was an '''''unbirthday''''' present, too. :'''The March Hare''': Well, in that case... :'''The Mad Hatter and March Hare''': ''[sings both]'' A very merry unbirthday to you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alice''': Oh, dear. Now, I- now, I shall never get out. Well, when one's lost, I suppose it's good advice to stay where you are, until someone finds you. B-But who'd ever think to look for me here? ''[sigh]'' Good advice. If I listened earlier, I wouldn't be here. But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice. ''[sings]'' But I very seldom follow it. That explains the trouble that I'm always in. Be patient, is very good advice, but the waiting makes me curious. And I'd love the change. Should something strange begin? ''[begins to cry]'' Well... I went along my merry way, and I never stopped to reason. I should've known there'd be a price to pay, someday... Someday... I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it! ''[cries harder]'' Will I ever learn to do the things I should? ''[continues crying]'' :'''The Chorus''': Will I ever learn / learn to do the things I should? :'''The Cheshire Cat''': ''[singing in disappear]'' Hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm / And the mome raths outgrabe :'''Alice''': Oh, Cheshire Cat, it's you! :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Whom did you expect? The white rabbit, perchance? :'''Alice''': Oh, no, no, no. I-I'm through with rabbits. I want to go home! ''[blows nose]'' But I can't find my way. :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Naturally. That's because you have no way. ''[Ominously]'' All ways here you see, are the ''QUEEN'S'' ways! :'''Alice''': But I've never met any queen. :'''The Cheshire Cat''': You haven't? You haven't? Oh, but you must! She'll be mad about you, simply mad! ''[chuckles, then rolls over and almost disappears]'' The mome raths outgrabe... :'''Alice''': Please, please! How can I find her? :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Well, some go this way, and some go that way. But as for me, myself, personally, I prefer the short-cut. <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Card Painter, the Card Painter, the Card Painter''': Painting the roses red / We're painting the roses red / We dare to stop or waste a drop / So let the paint be spread / We're painting the roses red / We're painting the roses red / Bum bum bum bum / Oh-h-h-h / Painting the roses red / And many a tear we shed :'''The Card Painter''': Because we know :'''The Card Painter, the Card Painter''': They'll cease to grow :'''The Card Painter''': In fact, they'll soon be dead :'''The Card Painter, the Card Painter''': Oh! :'''The Card Painter, the Card Painter, the Card Painter''': And yet we got ahead / Painting the roses red / Red, red, red, red / Red, red, red, red / Painting the roses red / We're painting the roses red... :'''Alice''': ''[singing]'' Oh, pardon me, but, Mr. 3 / Why must you paint them red? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alice''': ''[singing]'' Painting the roses red... :'''The Card Painter, the Card Painter, the Card Painter''': ''[singing]'' We're painting the roses red. Don't tell the Queen what you have seen or say that's what we said, but we're painting the roses red. :'''Alice''': Yes, painting the roses red. :'''The Card Painter''': Not pink! :'''The Card Painter''': Not green! :'''Alice''': Not aquamarine! :'''The Card Painter, the Card Painter, the Card Painter''': We're painting the roses red! <hr width="50%"/> :'''The White Rabbit''': Her Imperial Highness, Her Grace, Her Excellency, Her Royal Majesty, the Queen of Hearts! ''[The crowd cheers]'' ... And the King. :'''The Card''': Hooray! :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Hmm! Who's been painting my roses red? WHO'S BEEN PAINTING MY ROSES RED? /Who dares to taint / With vulgar paint / The royal flower bed? / For painting my roses red / Someone will lose his head. :'''The Card Painter''': Oh, no, Your Majesty, please! It's all his fault! :'''The Card Painter''': Not me, your grace! The Ace, the Ace! :'''The Queen of Hearts''': You? :'''The Card Painter''': No, Deuce! :'''The Queen of Hearts''': The Deuce, you say? :'''The Card Painter''': Not me! The 3! :'''The Queen of Hearts''': That's enough! Off with their heads! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alice''': Oh, please, they were only trying... :'''The Queen of Hearts''': And who is this? :'''The King of Hearts''': Let me see, my dear. It's certainly not a heart. Do you suppose it's a club? :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Why, it's a little girl. :'''Alice''': Yes. And I was hoping... :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Look up. Speak nicely. And don't twiddle your fingers. Turn out your toes. Curtsy. Open your mouth a little wider. And always say, Yes, Your Majesty. :'''Alice''': Yes, Your Majesty. :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Now, where d'you come from and where are you going? :'''Alice''': I'm trying to find my way home. :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Your way? All ways here are my ways! :'''Alice''': Yes, I know. But I was just thinking... :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Curtsy while you're thinking. It saves time. :'''Alice''': Yes, Your Majesty. But I was only going to ask... :'''The Queen of Hearts''': I'll ask the questions! Do you play croquet? :'''Alice''': Yes, Your Majesty. :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Then let the game begin! <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Off with his head! :'''The King of Hearts''': Off with his head. Off with his head. By order of the Queen. Uh, you heard what Her Majesty said. <hr width="50%"/> :'''The White Rabbit''': Your Majesty, members of the jury, loyal subjects... and the King... the prisoner at the bar stands accused of enticing Her Majesty, the Queen of Hearts, into a game of croquet, thereby and with malice of forethought, molesting, tormenting, and otherwise annoying our beloved... :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Never mind all that! Get to the part where I lose my temper. :'''The White Rabbit''': ...Thereby causing the Queen to lose her temper. :'''The Queen of Hearts''': ''[to Alice]'' Now, are you ready for your sentence? :'''Alice''': Sentence? But there has to be a verdict first... :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Sentence first! Verdict afterwards. :'''Alice''': But that just isn't the way... :'''The Queen of Hearts''': ''[shouting]'' All ways are...! :'''Alice''': ...Your ways, Your Majesty. :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Yes, my child. ''[giggles]'' ''[yelling]'' OFF WITH HER-! Huh? :'''The King of Hearts''': Consider, my dear. We called no witnesses. Couldn't we hear... maybe one or two, huh? Maybe...? :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Oh, very well. ''[yelling]'' '''''BUT GET ON WITH IT!''''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''The King of Hearts''': What do you know about this unfortunate affair? :'''The March Hare''': Nothing. :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Nothing whatever? :'''The March Hare''': Nothing whatever! :'''The Queen of Hearts''': '''''THAT'S VERY IMPORTANT!''''' Jury, write that down! <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Queen of Hearts''': ''[yelling]'' '''''OFF WITH YOUR HAT!''''' :'''The Mad Hatter''': Oh, my! ''[takes his hat off which reveals a teapot and teacup, giggles]'' :'''The King of Hearts''': Where were you when this horrible crime was committed? :'''The Mad Hatter''': I was home drinking tea. ''[pours tea into a cup]'' Today, you know, was... ''[drinks tea]'' ...my unbirthday. :'''The King of Hearts''': Why, my dear, today is YOUR unbirthday, too! :'''The Queen of Hearts''': It is? :'''The March Hare''': It is? :'''The Card Guards''': IT IS??? ''[Much to Alice's horror]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Queen of Hearts''': ''[after the Queen of Hearts is hit in the head and covered in the tapestry]'' Somebody's head IS GOING TO ROLL FOR THIS! ''[RIP! The Queen's face covered by jam, seeing that Alice must have done this]'' AH-HA! :'''Alice''': ''[throws away the gavel and jam and stuffs her hands in her apron's pockets, which soon reveals she still has both parts of the mushroom]'' The mushroom! ''[she quickly eats both parts]'' :'''The Queen of Hearts''': ''[yelling]'' '''OFF WITH HER-!''' ''[covers her mouth in shock as Alice is grown to the height of the courtroom]'' :'''Alice''': ''[to the card guards, after she grows to the height of the courtroom]'' Oh, pooh. I'm not afraid of you. Why, you're nothing, but a pack of cards. :'''The King of Hearts''': ''[reading through a rulebook]'' Rule forty-two: All persons more than a mile high must leave the court immediately! :'''Alice''': I am not a mile high! And I’m not leaving. :'''The Queen of Hearts''': ''[nervously]'' Sorry. Rule forty-two, you know. :'''Alice''': Now, as for you, Your ''Majesty''. ''[unaware that she is shrinking quickly]'' Or Your Majesty, indeed. Why, you're not a queen. Why, you're just a fat, pompous, bad-tempered old tyrant. ''[finally realizes she has shrunk down]'' :'''The Queen of Hearts''': ''[laughs evilly]'' And, what were you saying, my dear? :'''The Cheshire Cat''': ''[appears suddenly, much to Alice's horror]'' Well, she simply said that you're a fat, pompous, bad-tempered old tyrant! ''[disappears laughing]'' :'''The Queen of Hearts''': ''[yelling]'' <big><big>'''''OFF WITH HER HEAD!'''''</big></big> :'''The King of Hearts''': ''[uses his crown as a megaphone]'' You heard what Her Majesty said. Off with her head. <hr width="50%"> :'''The Queen of Hearts''': ''[spotting Alice]'' There she goes. Don't let her get away. Off with her head! :''[Alice reaches the door to escape from the mob]'' :'''The Doorknob''': ''[tries to open the door]'' D'oh! I'm still locked, you know! :'''Alice''': ''[in horror]'' But the Queen! I simply must get out! :'''The Doorknob''': ''[chuckles]'' But you are outside. :'''Alice''': ''[releases her grip on the Doorknob]'' What? :'''The Doorknob''': ''[opens his mouth]'' See for yourself. ''[Alice sees through his mouth and sees herself asleep with Dinah also sleeping on her lap by a tree in a beautiful meadow]'' :'''Alice''': Why, that's me! I'm asleep! :'''The Queen of Hearts''': ''[shouting from a distance, advancing toward Alice along with a mob of other Wonderland characters]'' Don't let her get away! Off with her head! :'''Alice''': ''[in terror, through the Doorknob's mouth]'' Alice, wake up! Please, wake up, Alice! :'''The Queen of Hearts''': ''[The mob comes closer; last words]'' Off with her head! :'''Alice''': Alice! Please, wake up, Alice! ''[as the mob draws nearer, the screen goes into swirling multicolor until it shows Alice trying to push the mob away before sleeping by the tree]'' :'''Alice''': ''[voiceover]'' Alice! Alice! Alice! :'''Alice's Sister''': ''[changes to her sister's]'' Alice! Alice! Will you kindly pay attention and recite your lesson? :'''Alice''': ''[waking up after escaping the mob]'' Hm? Oh! Oh, uh, how doth the little crocodile improve each shining tail and pour the waters of the-- :'''Alice's Sister''': Alice, what are you talking about? :'''Alice''': Oh, I'm sorry. But you see, the Caterpillar said-- :'''Alice's Sister''': Caterpillar? Oh, for goodness sakes. Alice, I... Oh, well. Come along, it's time for tea. == Taglines == * A world of wonders in One Great Picture == About ''Alice in Wonderland'' == * No story in English literature has intrigued me more than Lewis Carroll's Alice in Wonderland. It fascinated me the first time I read it as a schoolboy and as soon as I possibly could after I started making animated cartoons, I acquired the film rights to it. People in his period had no time to waste on triviality, yet Carroll with his nonsense and fantasy furnished a balance between seriousness and enjoyment which everybody needed then and still needs today. :* [[Walt Disney]] ''American Weekly'' (1946) ==Cast== * [[w:Kathryn Beaumont|Kathryn Beaumont]] - Alice (voice) * [[Ed Wynn]] - Mad Hatter (voice) * [[w:Richard Haydn|Richard Haydn]] - Caterpillar (voice) * [[w:Sterling Holloway|Sterling Holloway]] - Cheshire Cat (voice) * [[w:Jerry Colonna (entertainer)|Jerry Colonna]] - March Hare (voice) * [[w:Verna Felton|Verna Felton]] - Queen of Hearts (voice) * [[Bill Thompson]] - White Rabbit and Pat the Dodo (voice) * [[w:Heather Angel (actress)|Heather Angel]] - Lorina (voice) * [[w:Joseph Kearns|Joseph Kearns]] - Doorknob (voice) * [[w:Larry Grey|Larry Grey]] - Bill the Lizard (voice) * [[w:Doris Lloyd|Doris Lloyd]] - Red Rose (voice) * [[w:Queenie Leonard|Queenie Leonard]] - Pigeon and Iris (voice) * [[w:J. Pat O'Malley|J. Pat O'Malley]] - Tweedledum and Tweedledee, Walrus and Carpenter and Curious Oysters (voice) * [[w:Jimmy MacDoanld (sounds effect artist)|James MacDonald]] - Dormouse (voice) * [[w:Dink Trout|Dink Trout]] - King of Hearts (voice) * [[w:Ken Beaumont|Ken Beaumont]] - Jack of Hearts (voice) * [[w:Pinto Colvig|Pinto Colvig]] - Flamingos (voice) * [[w:Jack Mercer|Jack Mercer]] - Hedgehogs (voice) * [[w:The Mellomen|The Mellomen ]] - Card Painters (voice) * [[w:Don Barclay|Don Barclay]] - Card Guards (voice) * [[w:Lucille Bliss|Lucille Bliss]] - White Daisy and Tulips (voice) * [[w:Lynn Bari|Lynn Bari]] - Lily of the Valley (voice) * [[w:Norma Zimmer|Norma Zimmer]] - White Rose (voice) * [[w:Marni Nixon|Marni Nixon]] - Calla Lily, Lilac, Blue Larkspurs and Red Daisies (voice) * [[w:Tommy Luske|Tommy Luske]] - Pansies and Blue Violets (voice) * [[w:Jimmy Luske|Jimmy Luske]] - Red Rosebud (voice) * [[w:Erdman Penner|Erdman Penner]] - Eagle (voice) ==External links== * {{wikipedia-inline|Alice in Wonderland (1951 film)|''Alice in Wonderland'' (1951 film)}} * {{commonscat-inline|Alice in Wonderland (1951 film)|''Alice in Wonderland'' (1951 film)}} * {{imdb title|0043274|Alice in Wonderland}} {{Authority control}} {{Walt Disney Animation Studios}} [[Category:1951 animated films]] [[Category:1950s American animated films]] [[Category:Traditionally animated films]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure films]] [[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]] [[Category:American children's animated musical films]] [[Category:Films based on Alice in Wonderland]] [[Category:Films about children]] [[Category:Animated films about rabbits and hares]] [[Category:Films about lizards]] [[Category:The Walt Disney Company]] [[Category:Films about size change]] 7k85tn5rlfchsor9olhbuh0cnx8u58g 3778918 3778917 2025-07-14T22:41:23Z California2003 3224630 /* Dialogue */ 3778918 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} [[File:Aliceinwonderland-logo.svg|thumb|Alice in Wonderland logo card]] [[File:Alice in wonderland 1951.jpg|thumb|Alice]] '''''[[w:Alice in Wonderland (1951 film)|Alice in Wonderland]]''''' is a [[w:1951 in film|1951]] American [[w:animation|animated]] [[w:musical film|musical]] [[w:fantasy film|fantasy]]-[[w:adventure film|adventure film]] produced by [[Walt Disney]]. It is about a young girl named Alice who follows a white rabbit into a world that is illogical and absurd, but later wishes to go home. :''Directed by [[w:Clyde Geronimi|Clyde Geronimi]] and [[w:Wilfred Jackson|Wilfred Jackson]]. Written by Milt Banta, Del Connell, William Cottrell, [[w:Joe Grant|Joe Grant]], [[w:Winston Hibler|Winston Hibler]], [[w:Dick Huemer|Dick Huemer]], [[w:Dick Kelsey|Dick Kelsey]], Tom Oreb, [[w:Bill Peet|Bill Peet]], Erdman Penner, Joe Rinaldi, [[w:Ted Sears|Ted Sears]], and John Walbridge. Based on [[Alice's Adventures in Wonderland]] and [[Through the Looking-Glass]] by [[Lewis Carroll]].'' {{center/s}}''' A world of wonders in One Great Picture''' ([[Alice in Wonderland (1951 film)#Taglines|taglines]]){{center/e}} ==Alice== * My, what a peculiar place to have a party. You know, Dinah, we really shouldn't be doing this. ''[while crawling through the rabbit hole]'' After all, we've haven't been invited, and curiosity often leads to trouble! ''[As Alice finishes her sentence, she falls down the hole]'' Goodbye, Dinah. Goodbye! ''[while magically floating down the rabbit hole]'' Well! After this, I shall think nothing of falling down stairs. Goodness. What if I should fall right through the center of the Earth... And come out the other side where people walk upside down? But that's silly. * It would be so nice if something would make sense for a change. * ''[to the pink flamingo mallet]'' Do you want us ''both'' to lose our heads?! ==Queen of Hearts== * ''[repeated line]'' Off with her head! ==Dialogue== :''[First lines]'' :'''Alice's Sister''': ''[reading from a history book]'' "...Who wanted leaders, and had been of late much accustomed to usurpation and conquest. Edwin and Morcar, the Earls of Mercia and Northumbria, declared for him: and even Stigand..." Alice? ''[camera zooms out to show Alice sitting in a tree, playing with Dinah and making a chain of daisies]'' :'''Alice''': Hmm? Oh, I'm listening. :'''Alice's Sister''': "And even Stigand, the archbishop of Canterbury, agreed to meet with William and offer him the crown. William's conduct at first was moderate." ''[Alice laughs as her daisy crown falls on her face]'' Alice? Will you kindly pay attention to your history lesson? :'''Alice''': I'm sorry, but how can one possibly pay attention to a book with no pictures in it? :'''Alice's Sister''': My dear child, there are a great many good books in this world without pictures. :'''Alice''': In ''this'' world, perhaps, but in my world, the books would be nothing but pictures. :'''Alice's Sister''': ''Your'' world? Huh! What nonsense. Now... :'''Alice''': ''[getting inspiration]'' Nonsense? :'''Alice's Sister''': Once more, from the beginning. :'''Alice''': ''[to her cat, Dinah]'' That's it, Dinah. If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrariwise, what it is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? ''[Dinah meows to her, shaking her head]'' In my world, you wouldn't say "meow". You'd say, "Yes, Miss. Alice". ''[Dinah meows as Alice picks her up]'' Oh, but you would. You'd be just like people, Dinah. And all the other animals, too. Why, in my world... Cats and rabbits / would reside in fancy little houses, / and be dressed in shoes and hats and trousers. / In a world of my own... / All the flowers / would have very extra special powers. / They would sit and talk to me for hours / when I'm lonely in a world of my own. / There'd be new birds, / lots of nice and friendly how-de-do birds. / Everyone would have a dozen bluebirds / within that world of my own. / I could listen to a babbling brook and hear a song that I could understand. / I keep wishing it could be that way / because my world would be a Wonderland. [[File:Alice_in_Wonderland_(1951)_-_White_Rabbit.png|thumb|I'm late, I'm late.]] :'''Alice''': ''[Dinah meows to her]'' Oh, Dinah. It's just a rabbit with a waistcoat... and a watch! :'''The White Rabbit''': Oh, my fur and whiskers! I'm late, I'm late, I'm late! :'''Alice''': Now, this is curious. What could a rabbit possibly be late for? ''[running after him]'' Please, sir! :'''The White Rabbit''': I'm late, I'm late. For a very important date. No time to say "hello". Goodbye. I'm late, I'm late, I'm late. :'''Alice''': It must be awfully important, like a party or something. Mr. Rabbit. Wait! :'''The White Rabbit''': No, no, no, I'm overdue. I'm really in a stew. No time to say goodbye, hello. I'm late, I'm late, I'm late. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alice''': Curiouser and curiouser. ''[runs up to the small door by pulling back the curtains and turns the Doorknob, it starts talking]'' :'''The Doorknob''': D'ooooh! :'''Alice''': Oh! I beg your pardon... :'''The Doorknob''': Whew. Quite alright, but you did give me quite a turn. :'''Alice''': You see, I was following... :'''The Doorknob''': Rather good, what? Doorknob? Turn? :'''Alice''': Please, sir. :'''The Doorknob''': Since one good turn deserves another, what can I do for you? :'''Alice''': I'm looking for a white rabbit. So, if you don't mind... :'''The Doorknob''': Eh? Oh. :'''Alice''': ''[looking through the Doorknob's keyhole]'' There he is! I simply must get through. :'''The Doorknob''': Sorry. You're much too big. Simply impassable. :'''Alice''': You mean "impossible"? :'''The Doorknob''': No, impassable. Nothing's impossible. Why don't you try the bottle on the table? :'''Alice''': Table? ''[a table and a small bottle magically appear out of the shadows]'' Oh! :'''The Doorknob''': Read the directions and directly you will be directed in the right direction. :'''Alice''': ''[reading the bottle's label]'' '''"Drink Me."''' ''[uncorks the bottle]'' Hm, better look first. For if one drinks much from a bottle marked "Poison", it's almost certain to disagree with one sooner or later. :'''The Doorknob''': Beg your pardon? :'''Alice''': ''[laughs]'' I was just giving myself some good advice. ''[sighs]'' But... ''[drinks from the bottle]'' Mmm... tastes like, uh... cherry tart. ''[unknowingly shrinks down to the size of the table; takes another sip]'' Custard. ''[shrinks down again, barely holding onto the bottle; takes another drink]'' Pineapple. ''[shrinks down so much, she's now even smaller than the bottle itself and struggling with its weight]'' Roast turkey… ''[finally aware of the potion's effect]'' Goodness! ''[unable to support the bottle any longer, slips and drops it]'' What did I do?! :'''The Doorknob''': ''[chuckles]'' You almost went out like a candle! :'''Alice''': ''[runs up to the Doorknob; delighted]'' But look! I'm just the right size! :''[She's about to open the door, but the Doorknob pulls away]'' :'''The Doorknob''': No use. ''[laughs]'' I forgot to tell you. I'm locked! :'''Alice''': Oh, no! :'''The Doorknob''': ''[stops laughing]'' But of course, you've got the key. :'''Alice''': What key? :'''The Doorknob''': Now, don't tell me you've left it up there. :''[A key magically appears on top of the table]'' :'''Alice''': Oh, dear! ''[Alice fails to reach it when she tries to climb up]'' Whatever will I do? :'''The Doorknob''': Try the box, naturally. :''[A tiny box magically appears in front of Alice]'' :'''Alice''': Oh. ''[opens the lid, revealing cookies labeled, "Eat Me"; takes one]'' "Eat Me." All right. But goodness knows what this will do. ''[takes a bite and grows bigger as she hits her head on the ceiling]'' What did you say? :'''The Doorknob''': I said a little of that went a long way. ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> [[File:Alice_in_Wonderland_(1951)_-_Tweedledum_and_Tweedledee.png|thumb|That's logic.]] :'''Alice''': Mr. Rabbit. Oh, Mr. Rabbit. Oh, dear. I'm sure he came this way. Do you suppose he could be hiding? Hmm. Not here. I wonder... No. I suppose he must have... ''[upon seeing Tweedledee and Tweedledum]'' Why, what peculiar little figures. "Tweedledee," and "Tweedledum." :'''Tweedledum''': ''[honk]'' If you think we're waxworks, you ought to pay, you know. :'''Tweedledee''': ''[beep]'' Contrariwise, if you think we're alive you ought to speak to us. :'''Tweedledee and Tweedledum''': That's logic. :'''Alice''': Well... It's been nice meeting you. Goodbye. :'''Tweedledee''': You're beginning backwards. :'''Tweedledum''': The first thing in a visit is to say... :'''Tweedledee and Tweedledum''': ''[singing together]'' How d'ya do? And shake hands, shake hands, shake hands. How d'ya do? And shake hands and state your name and business. ''[both spoken]'' That's manners! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alice''': ''[after the Walrus and the Carpenter song]'' That was a very sad story. :'''Tweedledee and Tweedledum''': Aye, but there's a moral to it. :'''Alice''': Oh, yes, a very good moral, if you happen to be an oyster. <hr width="50%"/> :'''The White Rabbit''': Why, Mary-Ann! What are you doing out here? :'''Alice''': Mary-Ann? :'''The White Rabbit''': Don't just do something, stand there... Uh... no, no! Go, go! Go get my gloves! I'm late! :'''Alice''': But late for what? That's just what I... :'''The White Rabbit''': My gloves! ''[Blows trumpet]'' At once, do you hear!? :'''Alice''': Goodness. I suppose I'll be taking orders from Dinah next. <hr width="50%"/> :'''The White Rabbit''': Oh! Bill! Bill, we need a lizard with a ladder. Can you help us? :'''Bill the Lizard''': At your service, gov'nor. :'''Pat the Dodo''': Bill, my lad. Have you ever been down a chimney? :'''Bill the Lizard''': Why, gov'nor, I've been down more chimneys... :'''Pat the Dodo''': Excellent, excellent. Now, just hop down the chimney and pull that monster out of there. :'''Bill the Lizard''': Righto, gov'nor... Monster? Aaaaah! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pat the Dodo''': ''[singing]'' We'll blow the thing there out, we'll smoke the monster out! :'''The White Rabbit''': ''[singing]'' We'll smoke the monster out... ''[realizes what he just sang]'' NO! No-ho! My poor house and furniture! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alice''': I beg your pardon, but uh...did you...? Oh, that's nonsense. Flowers can't talk. :'''The Red Rose''': But of course we can talk, my dear. :'''The Iris''': If there's anyone worth talking to. :'''The White Daisy''': Or about. ''[giggles]'' :'''The Pansies''': And we sing, too! :'''Alice''': You do? :'''The Yellow Tulip''': Oh, yes! Would you like to hear "Tell it to the Tulips"? :'''The Blue Larkspurs''': No, let's sing about us. :'''The Blue Violets''': We know one about the shy, little violets. :'''The Calla Lily''': Oh, no, not that old thing! :'''The Lily of the Valley''': Let's do "Lovely Lily of the Valley"! <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Red Rose''': Girls! We shall sing "Golden Afternoon". That's about all of us. Sound your "A", Lily. <hr width="50%"/> :'''The White Daisy''': What kind of a garden d'you come from? :'''Alice''': Oh, I don't come from any garden. :'''The White Daisy''': ''[gasps, to the Iris]'' Do you suppose she's a wildflower? :'''Alice''': ''[giggles]'' Oh, no. I'm not a wildflower. :'''The Red Rose''': Just what species or, shall we say, genus are you, my dear? :'''Alice''': Well, I guess you would call me... genus, humanus... Alice. :'''The White Daisy''': Ever see an Alice with a blossom like that? :'''The Iris''': Come to think of it, did you ever see an Alice? <hr width="50%"/> [[File:Alice_in_Wonderland_(1951)_-_Caterpillar.png|thumb|Who are you?]] :'''The Caterpillar''': ''[meeting Alice]'' Who are you? :'''Alice''': I hardly know, sir. I've changed so many times since this morning, you see... :'''The Caterpillar''': I do not see. Explain yourself. :'''Alice''': I'm afraid I can't explain myself, sir, because I'm not myself, you know. :'''The Caterpillar''': I do not know. :'''Alice''': Well, I can't put it any more clearly, sir, for it isn't clear to me. :'''The Caterpillar''': You? Who are you? :'''Alice''': Well, don't you think you should tell me... ''[coughs from the smoke]'' Who, you are first? :'''The Caterpillar''': Why? :'''Alice''': Oh, dear, everything is ''so'' confusing. :'''The Caterpillar''': It is not. :'''Alice''': Well, it is to me. :'''The Caterpillar''': Why? :'''Alice''': Well, I can't remember things like I used to, and... :'''The Caterpillar''': Recite. :'''Alice''': Hm? Oh! Oh, yes, sir. Um, how doth the little bumblebee improve each... :'''The Caterpillar''': Stop. That is not spoken correctically. It goes: How... ''[realizes nothing is coming out of his pipe and notices one of his set of hands grasping on the tube, clogging it; he slaps the hands to get it off the pipe; Alice giggles a bit, but the Caterpillar gives Alice a displeasing look]'' How doth the little crocodile improve his shining tail. And pour the waters of the Nile, on every golden scale. How cheer... ''[shakes a bit]'' How cheer... ''[notices one set of feet teetering on the leaf he's sitting on; he grabs them and puts them back on the leaf; Alice giggles again]'' How cheerfully he seems to grin, how neatly spreads his claws. And welcomes little fishes in, with gently smiling jaws. ''[looks at Alice]'' :'''Alice''': Well, I must say, I've never heard it that way before. :'''The Caterpillar''': I know. I have improved it. ''[blows smoke in Alice's face; she coughs]'' :'''Alice''': Well, if you ask me... :'''The Caterpillar''': ''You? [scoffs] ''Who are you?'' :''[Alice coughs as her head is enveloped in smoke. Fed up with the Caterpillar's nonsense, she storms off before stopping to kick a cloud of smoke off her shoe. She turns back to face the Caterpillar and leaves, her head turned up]'' :'''The Caterpillar''': ''[now noticing Alice leaving]'' You there. Girl. Wait! Come back! ''I have something important to say!'' :'''Alice''': Oh dear. I wonder what he wants now... ''[She returns to the Caterpillar, blowing a smoke arrow at a smoke target]'' Well? :'''The Caterpillar''': Keep your temper. :'''Alice''': Is that all? :'''The Caterpillar''': No. Exactly, what is your problem? :'''Alice''': Well, it's exactly... Well, it's precisely this. I should like to be a little larger, sir. :'''The Caterpillar''': Why? :'''Alice''': Well, after all, three inches is such a wretched height, and... :'''The Caterpillar''': ''[suddenly angry]'' ''I'' am exactly three inches high, '''and it is a very good height, ''indeed!''''' ''[starts smoking his hookah faster and faster until he is enveloped in black smoke]'' :'''Alice''': But I'm not used to it. And you needn't '''shout'''! ''[she blows the cloud away as she says this, showing the Caterpillar's skin, shoes, hands, and hookah laying there]'' Oh, dear. :'''The Caterpillar''': ''[now a butterfly]'' By the way, I have a few more helpful hints. One side will make you grow taller... :'''Alice''': One side of what? :'''The Butterfly''': ...And the other side will make you grow shorter. ''[he flies away]'' :'''Alice''': ''[shouting]'' The other side of what? :'''The Butterfly''': ''[equally as loud; hostile]'' '''THE MUSHROOM, ''OF COURSE!''''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Pigeon''': A serpent! Help! Help! A serpent, a serpent! :'''Alice''': Oh, but please! Please! :'''The Pigeon''': Off with you! Shoo! Shoo! Go away! Serpent! Serpeeeent! :'''Alice''': But I'm not a serpent! :'''The Pigeon''': Serpent- Indeed? Then, just what are you? :'''Alice''': I'm just a little girl. :'''The Pigeon''': Little? Ha! ''Little?'' ''[laughs]'' :'''Alice''': Well, I am! I mean, I-I was. :'''The Pigeon''': And I suppose you don't eat eggs, either? :'''Alice''': Yes, I do, but, but, but... :'''The Pigeon''': I knew it! I knew it! Serpent! Serpeeeent! :'''Alice''': Oh, for goodness sake! <hr width="50%"/> [[File:Alice_in_Wonderland_(1951)_-_Cheshire_Cat.png|thumb|Most everyone's mad here.]] :'''The Cheshire Cat''': ''[singing] 'Twas brilig, and the slithy toves <br> Did gyre and gimble in the wabe <br> All mimsy were the borogroves,<br> And the mome raths outgrabe.'' :'''Alice''': Now, where in the world do you suppose that...? :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Lose something? :'''Alice''': ''[turns around to find just the Cat's smile talking to her]'' Oh! Uh, hehe, no, no, I mean, I was just wondering... :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Oh, that's quite alright. One moment please. ''[Two eyes drop down on top of the mouth and play harmonica notes. The full cat form appears]'' Second chorus. ''[singing]'' 'Twas brilig, and the slithy toves <br> Did gyre and gimble in the wabe. :'''Alice''': Why, why, you're a cat! :'''The Cheshire Cat''': A ''Cheshire'' Cat. ''[starts to disappear]'' All mimsy were the borogroves... :'''Alice''': Oh, wait! Don't go, please! :'''The Cheshire Cat''': ''[reappears]'' There you are! Third chorus... :'''Alice''': Oh, no, no. Thank you, but I just wanted to ask which way I ought to go. :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Well, that depends on where you ought to get to. :'''Alice''': Oh, it really doesn't matter, as long as I... :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Then it really doesn't matter which way you go. ''[disappears and reappears on another tree branch]'' Oh by the way, if you'd really like to know, he went that way. :'''Alice''': Who did? :'''The Cheshire Cat''': The White Rabbit. :'''Alice''': He did? :'''The Cheshire Cat''': He did what? :'''Alice''': He went that way. :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Who did? :'''Alice''': The white rabbit! :'''The Cheshire Cat''': What rabbit? :'''Alice''': But didn't you just say? I mean- Oh, dear! :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Can you stand on your head? However, if I were looking for a white rabbit, I'd ask the Mad Hatter. :'''Alice''': The Mad Hatter? Oh, no, no, no... :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Or, there's the March Hare, in that direction. :'''Alice''': Oh, thank you. I think I shall visit him... :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Of course, he's mad, too. :'''Alice''': But I don't want to go among mad people! :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Oh, you can't help that. Most everyone's mad here. ''[laughs maniacally and begins to disappear]'' You may have noticed that I'm not ''ALL THERE'' myself, ''[laughs creepily as he fades away]'' ''And the mome raths outgrabe!'' :'''Alice''': Goodness. If the people here are like that, I must try not to upset them. <hr width="50%"/> :'''The March Hare and the Mad Hatter''': ''[run over to Alice]'' No room! No room! No room! :'''Alice''': I thought there was plenty of room. :'''The March Hare''': Ah, but it's very rude to sit down without being invited. :'''The Mad Hatter''': I'll say it's rude. It's very, very rude indeed. :'''The Dormouse''': Very, very rude indeed. :'''Alice''': I'm very sorry. But I did enjoy your singing, and I wonder if you could tell me… :'''The March Hare''': You enjoyed ''our'' singing? :'''The Mad Hatter''': Oh, what a delightful child! I'm so excited. We never get compliments. You must have a cup of tea. :'''The March Hare''': Ah, yes, indeed. The tea. You must have a cup of tea. :'''Alice''': That would be very nice. I'm sorry I interrupted your birthday party. ''[March Hare offers her a cup of tea]'' Thank you. :'''The March Hare''': ''[yanks her teacup away]'' Birthday? Ha-ha-ha. My dear child, this is NOT a birthday party! :'''The Mad Hatter''': Of course not. This is an ''un''birthday party. :'''Alice''': Unbirthday? Well, I'm sorry, but I don't quite understand. :'''The March Hare''': It's very simple. Now, 30 days has Septem -No, wait... An unbirthday, if you have a birthday, then, you- ''[laughs]'' She doesn't know what an unbirthday is. :'''The Mad Hatter''': How silly. I shall elucidate. <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Mad Hatter''': And now, my dear, as you were saying...? :'''Alice''': Oh, yes. I was sitting on the riverbank with you know who. :'''The Mad Hatter''': I do? :'''Alice''': I mean my C-A-T. :'''The Mad Hatter''': Tea? :'''The March Hare''': Just half a cup, if you don't mind. <hr width="50%"/> [[File:Alice_in_Wonderland_(1951)_-_Mad_Hatter.png|thumb|Would you like more tea?]] :'''The Mad Hatter''': Would you like a little more tea? :'''Alice''': Well, I haven't had any yet, so I can't very well take more. :'''The March Hare''': Ah, you mean you can't very well take less. :'''The Mad Hatter''': Yes. You can always take more than nothing. :'''Alice''': But I only meant that... :'''The Mad Hatter''': And now, my dear... Something seems to be troubling you. Won't you tell us all about it? :'''The March Hare''': Start at the beginning. :'''The Mad Hatter''': Yes. And when you come to the end... stop. See? <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Dormouse''': ''[Panics but calms down]'' :'''The Mad Hatter''': ''[after they have restrained the Dormouse]'' Ah, thank goodness! Those are the things that upset me! :'''The March Hare''': See all the trouble you started? :'''Alice''': But I didn't think... :'''The March Hare''': Ah, that's just it. If you don't think, then you shouldn't talk. <hr width="50%"/> [[File:Alice_in_Wonderland_(1951)_-_March_Hare.png|thumb|Careful! SHE's STARK RAVING MAD!]] :'''The Mad Hatter''': What's the matter, my dear? Don't you care for tea? :'''Alice''': Why, yes. I'm very fond of tea, but- :'''The March Hare''': If you don't care for tea, you could at least make polite conversation! :'''Alice''': ''[frustrated]'' Well, I've been trying to ask you- :'''The March Hare''': I have an excellent idea. Let's change the subject. :'''The Mad Hatter''': Why is a raven like a writing desk? :'''Alice''': Riddles? ''[to herself]'' Let me see. Why is a raven like a writing desk? :'''The Mad Hatter''': I beg your pardon? :'''Alice''': Why is a raven like a writing desk? :'''The Mad Hatter''': ''[shocked]'' WHY IS A WHAT?! :'''The March Hare''': ''[nervously]'' Careful! SHE'S STARK RAVING M-MAD! :'''Alice''': But it's ''your'' silly riddle. ''You'' just said... :'''The Mad Hatter''': ''[nervously]'' Easy! Don't get excited! :'''The March Hare''': ''[trying to make peace with Alice]'' How about a nice cup of tea? :'''Alice''': ''[angrily]'' "Have a cup of tea", indeed! Well, ''I'M'' sorry, but I just ''HAVEN'T'' the time! :'''The March Hare''': THE TIME! THE TIME! WHO'S GOT THE TIME? :'''The White Rabbit''': N-n-n-no time, no time, no time! Hello, goodbye, I'm late, I'm late. :'''Alice''': The White Rabbit! :'''The White Rabbit''': I'm so late! I'm so very late. :'''The Mad Hatter''': ''[snatching the White Rabbit's Watch]'' Well, no wonder you're late! Why, this clock is ''EXACTLY'' two days slow! :'''The White Rabbit''': Two days slow? :'''The Mad Hatter''': Of course you're late! ''[chuckles as he dunks the watch in the tea]'' MY GOODNESS! We'll have to look into this. ''[places a salt shaker over his eye and uses it as a jeweler's eyepiece]'' ''AHA!'' I see what's wrong with it! ''[starts to pry parts out of the watch with a fork]'' Why, this watch is full of wheels! :'''The White Rabbit''': ''[shocked]'' OH, MY POOR WATCH! OH, MY WHEELS AND SPRINGS! But-but-but-but-but-but- :'''The Mad Hatter''': BUTTER! Of course! It ''NEEDS'' some butter. BUTTER! :'''The March Hare''': ''[shouts into the White Rabbit's ear]'' ''BUTTER!'' :'''The White Rabbit''': ''[confused]'' Butter? :'''The Mad Hatter''': Butter! Oh, thank you! Ha-ha! Yes! That's FINE! :'''The White Rabbit''': Oh, no, no! No, no! No! You'll get crumbs in it! :'''The Mad Hatter''': Oh, ''THIS'' is the ''VERY BEST'' butter! ''[throws butter in the White Rabbit's face]'' What are you talking about? :'''The March Hare''': Tea? :'''The Mad Hatter''': Oh, tea! I never ''THOUGHT'' of tea before! OF COURSE! ''TEA!'' HE-HE-HE! :'''The White Rabbit''': ''NO!'' ''[shocked]'' NO! ''NOT'' TEA! :'''The March Hare''': Sugar? :'''The Mad Hatter''': SUGAR! TWO SPOONS! Yes, ha, ''TWO SPOONS'' thank you, yes! ''[jams the spoons straight into the watch]'' :'''The White Rabbit''': ''[shocked]'' Oh please, '''''BE CAREUL!''''' :'''The March Hare''': ''JAM?'' :'''The Mad Hatter''': JAM! I FORGOT ALL ABOUT JAM! Yes, sure you want. It's nice to see. :'''The White Rabbit''': No! No! Not jam! :'''The March Hare''': ''MUSTARD?'' :'''The Mad Hatter''': Mustard! Yes... What? ''MUSTARD?!'' Don't let's be silly! ''Lemon'', that's ''different'', there. THAT should do it! Hahaha! ''[watch starts going crazy]'' LOOK AT THAT! :'''The March Hare''': IT'S GOING MAD! :'''Alice''': OH, MY GOODNESS! :'''The White Rabbit''': OH, DEAR! :'''The March Hare''': IT IS GOING MAD! MAD WATCH! :'''The Mad Hatter''': I DON'T UNDERSTAND, IT'S THE BEST BUTTER! :'''The March Hare''': MAD WATCH! ''MAD WATCH! '''MAD WATCH!''' :'''The Mad Hatter''': OH, LOOK! OH, MY GOODNESS! :'''The March Hare''': THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY TO STOP A MAD WATCH! ''[smashes watch with a mallet; scene changes from color to black and white, then color again]'' :'''The Mad Hatter''': Two days slow. That's what it is. :'''The White Rabbit''': Oh, my watch... :'''The Mad Hatter''': It was? :'''The White Rabbit''': And it was an '''''unbirthday''''' present, too. :'''The March Hare''': Well, in that case... :'''The Mad Hatter and March Hare''': ''[sings both]'' A very merry unbirthday to you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alice''': Oh, dear. Now, I- now, I shall never get out. Well, when one's lost, I suppose it's good advice to stay where you are, until someone finds you. B-But who'd ever think to look for me here? ''[sigh]'' Good advice. If I listened earlier, I wouldn't be here. But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice. ''[sings]'' But I very seldom follow it. That explains the trouble that I'm always in. Be patient, is very good advice, but the waiting makes me curious. And I'd love the change. Should something strange begin? ''[begins to cry]'' Well... I went along my merry way, and I never stopped to reason. I should've known there'd be a price to pay, someday... Someday... I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it! ''[cries harder]'' Will I ever learn to do the things I should? ''[continues crying]'' :'''The Chorus''': Will I ever learn / learn to do the things I should? :'''The Cheshire Cat''': ''[singing in disappear]'' Hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm / And the mome raths outgrabe :'''Alice''': Oh, Cheshire Cat, it's you! :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Whom did you expect? The white rabbit, perchance? :'''Alice''': Oh, no, no, no. I-I'm through with rabbits. I want to go home! ''[blows nose]'' But I can't find my way. :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Naturally. That's because you have no way. ''[Ominously]'' All ways here you see, are the ''QUEEN'S'' ways! :'''Alice''': But I've never met any queen. :'''The Cheshire Cat''': You haven't? You haven't? Oh, but you must! She'll be mad about you, simply mad! ''[chuckles, then rolls over and almost disappears]'' The mome raths outgrabe... :'''Alice''': Please, please! How can I find her? :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Well, some go this way, and some go that way. But as for me, myself, personally, I prefer the short-cut. <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Card Painter, the Card Painter, the Card Painter''': Painting the roses red / We're painting the roses red / We dare to stop or waste a drop / So let the paint be spread / We're painting the roses red / We're painting the roses red / Bum bum bum bum / Oh-h-h-h / Painting the roses red / And many a tear we shed :'''The Card Painter''': Because we know :'''The Card Painter, the Card Painter''': They'll cease to grow :'''The Card Painter''': In fact, they'll soon be dead :'''The Card Painter, the Card Painter''': Oh! :'''The Card Painter, the Card Painter, the Card Painter''': And yet we got ahead / Painting the roses red / Red, red, red, red / Red, red, red, red / Painting the roses red / We're painting the roses red... :'''Alice''': ''[singing]'' Oh, pardon me, but, Mr. 3 / Why must you paint them red? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alice''': ''[singing]'' Painting the roses red... :'''The Card Painter, the Card Painter, the Card Painter''': ''[singing]'' We're painting the roses red. Don't tell the Queen what you have seen or say that's what we said, but we're painting the roses red. :'''Alice''': Yes, painting the roses red. :'''The Card Painter''': Not pink! :'''The Card Painter''': Not green! :'''Alice''': Not aquamarine! :'''The Card Painter, the Card Painter, the Card Painter''': We're painting the roses red! <hr width="50%"/> :'''The White Rabbit''': Her Imperial Highness, Her Grace, Her Excellency, Her Royal Majesty, the Queen of Hearts! ''[The crowd cheers]'' ... And the King. :'''The Card''': Hooray! :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Hmm! Who's been painting my roses red? WHO'S BEEN PAINTING MY ROSES RED? /Who dares to taint / With vulgar paint / The royal flower bed? / For painting my roses red / Someone will lose his head. :'''The Card Painter''': Oh, no, Your Majesty, please! It's all his fault! :'''The Card Painter''': Not me, your grace! The Ace, the Ace! :'''The Queen of Hearts''': You? :'''The Card Painter''': No, Deuce! :'''The Queen of Hearts''': The Deuce, you say? :'''The Card Painter''': Not me! The 3! :'''The Queen of Hearts''': That's enough! Off with their heads! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alice''': Oh, please, they were only trying... :'''The Queen of Hearts''': And who is this? :'''The King of Hearts''': Let me see, my dear. It's certainly not a heart. Do you suppose it's a club? :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Why, it's a little girl. :'''Alice''': Yes. And I was hoping... :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Look up. Speak nicely. And don't twiddle your fingers. Turn out your toes. Curtsy. Open your mouth a little wider. And always say, Yes, Your Majesty. :'''Alice''': Yes, Your Majesty. :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Now, where d'you come from and where are you going? :'''Alice''': I'm trying to find my way home. :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Your way? All ways here are my ways! :'''Alice''': Yes, I know. But I was just thinking... :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Curtsy while you're thinking. It saves time. :'''Alice''': Yes, Your Majesty. But I was only going to ask... :'''The Queen of Hearts''': I'll ask the questions! Do you play croquet? :'''Alice''': Yes, Your Majesty. :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Then let the game begin! <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Off with his head! :'''The King of Hearts''': Off with his head. Off with his head. By order of the Queen. Uh, you heard what Her Majesty said. <hr width="50%"/> :'''The White Rabbit''': Your Majesty, members of the jury, loyal subjects... and the King... the prisoner at the bar stands accused of enticing Her Majesty, the Queen of Hearts, into a game of croquet, thereby and with malice of forethought, molesting, tormenting, and otherwise annoying our beloved... :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Never mind all that! Get to the part where I lose my temper. :'''The White Rabbit''': ...Thereby causing the Queen to lose her temper. :'''The Queen of Hearts''': ''[to Alice]'' Now, are you ready for your sentence? :'''Alice''': Sentence? But there has to be a verdict first... :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Sentence first! Verdict afterwards. :'''Alice''': But that just isn't the way... :'''The Queen of Hearts''': ''[shouting]'' All ways are...! :'''Alice''': ...Your ways, Your Majesty. :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Yes, my child. ''[giggles]'' ''[yelling]'' OFF WITH HER-! Huh? :'''The King of Hearts''': Consider, my dear. We called no witnesses. Couldn't we hear... maybe one or two, huh? Maybe...? :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Oh, very well. ''[yelling]'' '''''BUT GET ON WITH IT!''''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''The King of Hearts''': What do you know about this unfortunate affair? :'''The March Hare''': Nothing. :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Nothing whatever? :'''The March Hare''': Nothing whatever! :'''The Queen of Hearts''': '''''THAT'S VERY IMPORTANT!''''' Jury, write that down! <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Queen of Hearts''': ''[yelling]'' '''''OFF WITH YOUR HAT!''''' :'''The Mad Hatter''': Oh, my! ''[takes his hat off which reveals a teapot and teacup, giggles]'' :'''The King of Hearts''': Where were you when this horrible crime was committed? :'''The Mad Hatter''': I was home drinking tea. ''[pours tea into a cup]'' Today, you know, was... ''[drinks tea]'' ...my unbirthday. :'''The King of Hearts''': Why, my dear, today is YOUR unbirthday, too! :'''The Queen of Hearts''': It is? :'''The March Hare''': It is? :'''The Card Guards''': IT IS??? ''[Much to Alice's horror]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Queen of Hearts''': ''[after the Queen of Hearts is hit in the head and covered in the tapestry]'' Somebody's head IS GOING TO ROLL FOR THIS! ''[RIP! The Queen's face covered by jam, seeing that Alice must have done this]'' AH-HA! :'''Alice''': ''[throws away the gavel and jam and stuffs her hands in her apron's pockets, which soon reveals she still has both parts of the mushroom]'' The mushroom! ''[she quickly eats both parts]'' :'''The Queen of Hearts''': ''[yelling]'' '''OFF WITH HER-!''' ''[covers her mouth in shock as Alice is grown to the height of the courtroom]'' :'''Alice''': ''[to the card guards, after she grows to the height of the courtroom]'' Oh, pooh. I'm not afraid of you. Why, you're nothing, but a pack of cards. :'''The King of Hearts''': ''[reading through a rulebook]'' Rule forty-two: All persons more than a mile high must leave the court immediately! :'''Alice''': I am not a mile high! And I’m not leaving. :'''The Queen of Hearts''': ''[nervously]'' Sorry. Rule forty-two, you know. :'''Alice''': Now, as for you, Your ''Majesty''. ''[unaware that she is shrinking quickly]'' Or Your Majesty, indeed. Why, you're not a queen. Why, you're just a fat, pompous, bad-tempered old tyrant. ''[finally realizes she has shrunk down]'' :'''The Queen of Hearts''': ''[laughs evilly]'' And, what were you saying, my dear? :'''The Cheshire Cat''': ''[appears suddenly, much to Alice's horror]'' Well, she simply said that you're a fat, pompous, bad-tempered old tyrant! ''[disappears laughing]'' :'''The Queen of Hearts''': ''[yelling]'' <big><big>'''''OFF WITH HER HEAD!'''''</big></big> :'''The King of Hearts''': ''[uses his crown as a megaphone]'' You heard what Her Majesty said. Off with her head. <hr width="50%"> :'''The Queen of Hearts''': ''[spotting Alice]'' There she goes. Don't let her get away. Off with her head! :''[Alice reaches the door to escape from the mob]'' :'''The Doorknob''': ''[tries to open the door]'' D'oh! I'm still locked, you know! :'''Alice''': ''[in horror]'' But the Queen! I simply must get out! :'''The Doorknob''': ''[chuckles]'' But you are outside. :'''Alice''': ''[releases her grip on the Doorknob]'' What? :'''The Doorknob''': ''[opens his mouth]'' See for yourself. ''[Alice sees through his mouth and sees herself asleep with Dinah also sleeping on her lap by a tree in a beautiful meadow]'' :'''Alice''': Why, that's me! I'm asleep! :'''The Queen of Hearts''': ''[shouting from a distance, advancing toward Alice along with a mob of other Wonderland characters]'' Don't let her get away! Off with her head! :'''Alice''': ''[in terror, through the Doorknob's mouth]'' Alice, wake up! Please, wake up, Alice! :'''The Queen of Hearts''': ''[The mob comes closer; last words]'' Off with her head! :'''Alice''': Alice! Please, wake up, Alice! ''[as the mob draws nearer, the screen goes into swirling multicolor until it shows Alice trying to push the mob away before sleeping by the tree]'' :'''Alice''': ''[voiceover]'' Alice! Alice! Alice! :'''Alice's Sister''': ''[changes to her sister's]'' Alice! Alice! Will you kindly pay attention and recite your lesson? :'''Alice''': ''[waking up after escaping the mob]'' Hm? Oh! Oh, uh, how doth the little crocodile improve each shining tail and pour the waters of the-- :'''Alice's Sister''': Alice, what are you talking about? :'''Alice''': Oh, I'm sorry. But you see, the Caterpillar said-- :'''Alice's Sister''': Caterpillar? Oh, for goodness sakes. Alice, I... Oh, well. Come along, it's time for tea. == Taglines == * A world of wonders in One Great Picture == About ''Alice in Wonderland'' == * No story in English literature has intrigued me more than Lewis Carroll's Alice in Wonderland. It fascinated me the first time I read it as a schoolboy and as soon as I possibly could after I started making animated cartoons, I acquired the film rights to it. People in his period had no time to waste on triviality, yet Carroll with his nonsense and fantasy furnished a balance between seriousness and enjoyment which everybody needed then and still needs today. :* [[Walt Disney]] ''American Weekly'' (1946) ==Cast== * [[w:Kathryn Beaumont|Kathryn Beaumont]] - Alice (voice) * [[Ed Wynn]] - Mad Hatter (voice) * [[w:Richard Haydn|Richard Haydn]] - Caterpillar (voice) * [[w:Sterling Holloway|Sterling Holloway]] - Cheshire Cat (voice) * [[w:Jerry Colonna (entertainer)|Jerry Colonna]] - March Hare (voice) * [[w:Verna Felton|Verna Felton]] - Queen of Hearts (voice) * [[Bill Thompson]] - White Rabbit and Pat the Dodo (voice) * [[w:Heather Angel (actress)|Heather Angel]] - Lorina (voice) * [[w:Joseph Kearns|Joseph Kearns]] - Doorknob (voice) * [[w:Larry Grey|Larry Grey]] - Bill the Lizard (voice) * [[w:Doris Lloyd|Doris Lloyd]] - Red Rose (voice) * [[w:Queenie Leonard|Queenie Leonard]] - Pigeon and Iris (voice) * [[w:J. Pat O'Malley|J. Pat O'Malley]] - Tweedledum and Tweedledee, Walrus and Carpenter and Curious Oysters (voice) * [[w:Jimmy MacDoanld (sounds effect artist)|James MacDonald]] - Dormouse (voice) * [[w:Dink Trout|Dink Trout]] - King of Hearts (voice) * [[w:Ken Beaumont|Ken Beaumont]] - Jack of Hearts (voice) * [[w:Pinto Colvig|Pinto Colvig]] - Flamingos (voice) * [[w:Jack Mercer|Jack Mercer]] - Hedgehogs (voice) * [[w:The Mellomen|The Mellomen ]] - Card Painters (voice) * [[w:Don Barclay|Don Barclay]] - Card Guards (voice) * [[w:Lucille Bliss|Lucille Bliss]] - White Daisy and Tulips (voice) * [[w:Lynn Bari|Lynn Bari]] - Lily of the Valley (voice) * [[w:Norma Zimmer|Norma Zimmer]] - White Rose (voice) * [[w:Marni Nixon|Marni Nixon]] - Calla Lily, Lilac, Blue Larkspurs and Red Daisies (voice) * [[w:Tommy Luske|Tommy Luske]] - Pansies and Blue Violets (voice) * [[w:Jimmy Luske|Jimmy Luske]] - Red Rosebud (voice) * [[w:Erdman Penner|Erdman Penner]] - Eagle (voice) ==External links== * {{wikipedia-inline|Alice in Wonderland (1951 film)|''Alice in Wonderland'' (1951 film)}} * {{commonscat-inline|Alice in Wonderland (1951 film)|''Alice in Wonderland'' (1951 film)}} * {{imdb title|0043274|Alice in Wonderland}} {{Authority control}} {{Walt Disney Animation Studios}} [[Category:1951 animated films]] [[Category:1950s American animated films]] [[Category:Traditionally animated films]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure films]] [[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]] [[Category:American children's animated musical films]] [[Category:Films based on Alice in Wonderland]] [[Category:Films about children]] [[Category:Animated films about rabbits and hares]] [[Category:Films about lizards]] [[Category:The Walt Disney Company]] [[Category:Films about size change]] 1xlevam4gmnso89tilpdcy51lauizu3 3778920 3778918 2025-07-14T22:42:06Z California2003 3224630 /* Dialogue */ 3778920 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} [[File:Aliceinwonderland-logo.svg|thumb|Alice in Wonderland logo card]] [[File:Alice in wonderland 1951.jpg|thumb|Alice]] '''''[[w:Alice in Wonderland (1951 film)|Alice in Wonderland]]''''' is a [[w:1951 in film|1951]] American [[w:animation|animated]] [[w:musical film|musical]] [[w:fantasy film|fantasy]]-[[w:adventure film|adventure film]] produced by [[Walt Disney]]. It is about a young girl named Alice who follows a white rabbit into a world that is illogical and absurd, but later wishes to go home. :''Directed by [[w:Clyde Geronimi|Clyde Geronimi]] and [[w:Wilfred Jackson|Wilfred Jackson]]. Written by Milt Banta, Del Connell, William Cottrell, [[w:Joe Grant|Joe Grant]], [[w:Winston Hibler|Winston Hibler]], [[w:Dick Huemer|Dick Huemer]], [[w:Dick Kelsey|Dick Kelsey]], Tom Oreb, [[w:Bill Peet|Bill Peet]], Erdman Penner, Joe Rinaldi, [[w:Ted Sears|Ted Sears]], and John Walbridge. Based on [[Alice's Adventures in Wonderland]] and [[Through the Looking-Glass]] by [[Lewis Carroll]].'' {{center/s}}''' A world of wonders in One Great Picture''' ([[Alice in Wonderland (1951 film)#Taglines|taglines]]){{center/e}} ==Alice== * My, what a peculiar place to have a party. You know, Dinah, we really shouldn't be doing this. ''[while crawling through the rabbit hole]'' After all, we've haven't been invited, and curiosity often leads to trouble! ''[As Alice finishes her sentence, she falls down the hole]'' Goodbye, Dinah. Goodbye! ''[while magically floating down the rabbit hole]'' Well! After this, I shall think nothing of falling down stairs. Goodness. What if I should fall right through the center of the Earth... And come out the other side where people walk upside down? But that's silly. * It would be so nice if something would make sense for a change. * ''[to the pink flamingo mallet]'' Do you want us ''both'' to lose our heads?! ==Queen of Hearts== * ''[repeated line]'' Off with her head! ==Dialogue== :''[First lines]'' :'''Alice's Sister''': ''[reading from a history book]'' "...Who wanted leaders, and had been of late much accustomed to usurpation and conquest. Edwin and Morcar, the Earls of Mercia and Northumbria, declared for him: and even Stigand..." Alice? ''[camera zooms out to show Alice sitting in a tree, playing with Dinah and making a chain of daisies]'' :'''Alice''': Hmm? Oh, I'm listening. :'''Alice's Sister''': "And even Stigand, the archbishop of Canterbury, agreed to meet with William and offer him the crown. William's conduct at first was moderate." ''[Alice laughs as her daisy crown falls on her face]'' Alice? Will you kindly pay attention to your history lesson? :'''Alice''': I'm sorry, but how can one possibly pay attention to a book with no pictures in it? :'''Alice's Sister''': My dear child, there are a great many good books in this world without pictures. :'''Alice''': In ''this'' world, perhaps, but in my world, the books would be nothing but pictures. :'''Alice's Sister''': ''Your'' world? Huh! What nonsense. Now... :'''Alice''': ''[getting inspiration]'' Nonsense? :'''Alice's Sister''': Once more, from the beginning. :'''Alice''': ''[to her cat, Dinah]'' That's it, Dinah. If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrariwise, what it is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? ''[Dinah meows to her, shaking her head]'' In my world, you wouldn't say "meow". You'd say, "Yes, Miss. Alice". ''[Dinah meows as Alice picks her up]'' Oh, but you would. You'd be just like people, Dinah. And all the other animals, too. Why, in my world... Cats and rabbits / would reside in fancy little houses, / and be dressed in shoes and hats and trousers. / In a world of my own... / All the flowers / would have very extra special powers. / They would sit and talk to me for hours / when I'm lonely in a world of my own. / There'd be new birds, / lots of nice and friendly how-de-do birds. / Everyone would have a dozen bluebirds / within that world of my own. / I could listen to a babbling brook and hear a song that I could understand. / I keep wishing it could be that way / because my world would be a Wonderland. [[File:Alice_in_Wonderland_(1951)_-_White_Rabbit.png|thumb|I'm late, I'm late.]] :'''Alice''': ''[Dinah meows to her]'' Oh, Dinah. It's just a rabbit with a waistcoat... and a watch! :'''The White Rabbit''': Oh, my fur and whiskers! I'm late, I'm late, I'm late! :'''Alice''': Now, this is curious. What could a rabbit possibly be late for? ''[running after him]'' Please, sir! :'''The White Rabbit''': I'm late, I'm late. For a very important date. No time to say "hello". Goodbye. I'm late, I'm late, I'm late. :'''Alice''': It must be awfully important, like a party or something. Mr. Rabbit. Wait! :'''The White Rabbit''': No, no, no, I'm overdue. I'm really in a stew. No time to say goodbye, hello. I'm late, I'm late, I'm late. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alice''': Curiouser and curiouser. ''[runs up to the small door by pulling back the curtains and turns the Doorknob, it starts talking]'' :'''The Doorknob''': D'ooooh! :'''Alice''': Oh! I beg your pardon... :'''The Doorknob''': Whew. Quite alright, but you did give me quite a turn. :'''Alice''': You see, I was following... :'''The Doorknob''': Rather good, what? Doorknob? Turn? :'''Alice''': Please, sir. :'''The Doorknob''': Since one good turn deserves another, what can I do for you? :'''Alice''': I'm looking for a white rabbit. So, if you don't mind... :'''The Doorknob''': Eh? Oh. :'''Alice''': ''[looking through the Doorknob's keyhole]'' There he is! I simply must get through. :'''The Doorknob''': Sorry. You're much too big. Simply impassable. :'''Alice''': You mean "impossible"? :'''The Doorknob''': No, impassable. Nothing's impossible. Why don't you try the bottle on the table? :'''Alice''': Table? ''[a table and a small bottle magically appear out of the shadows]'' Oh! :'''The Doorknob''': Read the directions and directly you will be directed in the right direction. :'''Alice''': ''[reading the bottle's label]'' '''"Drink Me."''' ''[uncorks the bottle]'' Hm, better look first. For if one drinks much from a bottle marked "Poison", it's almost certain to disagree with one sooner or later. :'''The Doorknob''': Beg your pardon? :'''Alice''': ''[laughs]'' I was just giving myself some good advice. ''[sighs]'' But... ''[drinks from the bottle]'' Mmm... tastes like, uh... cherry tart. ''[unknowingly shrinks down to the size of the table; takes another sip]'' Custard. ''[shrinks down again, barely holding onto the bottle; takes another drink]'' Pineapple. ''[shrinks down so much, she's now even smaller than the bottle itself and struggling with its weight]'' Roast turkey… ''[finally aware of the potion's effect]'' Goodness! ''[unable to support the bottle any longer, slips and drops it]'' What did I do?! :'''The Doorknob''': ''[chuckles]'' You almost went out like a candle! :'''Alice''': ''[runs up to the Doorknob; delighted]'' But look! I'm just the right size! :''[She's about to open the door, but the Doorknob pulls away]'' :'''The Doorknob''': No use. ''[laughs]'' I forgot to tell you. I'm locked! :'''Alice''': Oh, no! :'''The Doorknob''': ''[stops laughing]'' But of course, you've got the key. :'''Alice''': What key? :'''The Doorknob''': Now, don't tell me you've left it up there. :''[A key magically appears on top of the table]'' :'''Alice''': Oh, dear! ''[Alice fails to reach it when she tries to climb up]'' Whatever will I do? :'''The Doorknob''': Try the box, naturally. :''[A tiny box magically appears in front of Alice]'' :'''Alice''': Oh. ''[opens the lid, revealing cookies labeled, "Eat Me"; takes one]'' "Eat Me." All right. But goodness knows what this will do. ''[takes a bite and grows bigger as she hits her head on the ceiling]'' What did you say? :'''The Doorknob''': I said a little of that went a long way. ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> [[File:Alice_in_Wonderland_(1951)_-_Tweedledum_and_Tweedledee.png|thumb|That's logic.]] :'''Alice''': Mr. Rabbit. Oh, Mr. Rabbit. Oh, dear. I'm sure he came this way. Do you suppose he could be hiding? Hmm. Not here. I wonder... No. I suppose he must have... ''[upon seeing Tweedledee and Tweedledum]'' Why, what peculiar little figures. "Tweedledee," and "Tweedledum." :'''Tweedledum''': ''[honk]'' If you think we're waxworks, you ought to pay, you know. :'''Tweedledee''': ''[beep]'' Contrariwise, if you think we're alive you ought to speak to us. :'''Tweedledee and Tweedledum''': That's logic. :'''Alice''': Well... It's been nice meeting you. Goodbye. :'''Tweedledee''': You're beginning backwards. :'''Tweedledum''': The first thing in a visit is to say... :'''Tweedledee and Tweedledum''': ''[singing together]'' How d'ya do? And shake hands, shake hands, shake hands. How d'ya do? And shake hands and state your name and business. ''[both spoken]'' That's manners! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alice''': ''[after the Walrus and the Carpenter song]'' That was a very sad story. :'''Tweedledee and Tweedledum''': Aye, but there's a moral to it. :'''Alice''': Oh, yes, a very good moral, if you happen to be an oyster. <hr width="50%"/> :'''The White Rabbit''': Why, Mary-Ann! What are you doing out here? :'''Alice''': Mary-Ann? :'''The White Rabbit''': Don't just do something, stand there... Uh... no, no! Go, go! Go get my gloves! I'm late! :'''Alice''': But late for what? That's just what I... :'''The White Rabbit''': My gloves! ''[Blows trumpet]'' At once, do you hear!? :'''Alice''': Goodness. I suppose I'll be taking orders from Dinah next. <hr width="50%"/> :'''The White Rabbit''': Oh! Bill! Bill, we need a lizard with a ladder. Can you help us? :'''Bill the Lizard''': At your service, gov'nor. :'''Pat the Dodo''': Bill, my lad. Have you ever been down a chimney? :'''Bill the Lizard''': Why, gov'nor, I've been down more chimneys... :'''Pat the Dodo''': Excellent, excellent. Now, just hop down the chimney and pull that monster out of there. :'''Bill the Lizard''': Righto, gov'nor... Monster? Aaaaah! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pat the Dodo''': ''[singing]'' We'll blow the thing there out, we'll smoke the monster out! :'''The White Rabbit''': ''[singing]'' We'll smoke the monster out... ''[realizes what he just sang]'' NO! No-ho! My poor house and furniture! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alice''': I beg your pardon, but uh...did you...? Oh, that's nonsense. Flowers can't talk. :'''The Red Rose''': But of course we can talk, my dear. :'''The Iris''': If there's anyone worth talking to. :'''The White Daisy''': Or about. ''[giggles]'' :'''The Pansies''': And we sing, too! :'''Alice''': You do? :'''The Yellow Tulip''': Oh, yes! Would you like to hear "Tell it to the Tulips"? :'''The Blue Larkspurs''': No, let's sing about us. :'''The Blue Violets''': We know one about the shy, little violets. :'''The Calla Lily''': Oh, no, not that old thing! :'''The Lily of the Valley''': Let's do "Lovely Lily of the Valley"! <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Red Rose''': Girls! We shall sing "Golden Afternoon". That's about all of us. Sound your "A", Lily. <hr width="50%"/> :'''The White Daisy''': What kind of a garden d'you come from? :'''Alice''': Oh, I don't come from any garden. :'''The White Daisy''': ''[gasps, to the Iris]'' Do you suppose she's a wildflower? :'''Alice''': ''[giggles]'' Oh, no. I'm not a wildflower. :'''The Red Rose''': Just what species or, shall we say, genus are you, my dear? :'''Alice''': Well, I guess you would call me... genus, humanus... Alice. :'''The White Daisy''': Ever see an Alice with a blossom like that? :'''The Iris''': Come to think of it, did you ever see an Alice? <hr width="50%"/> [[File:Alice_in_Wonderland_(1951)_-_Caterpillar.png|thumb|Who are you?]] :'''The Caterpillar''': ''[meeting Alice]'' Who are you? :'''Alice''': I hardly know, sir. I've changed so many times since this morning, you see... :'''The Caterpillar''': I do not see. Explain yourself. :'''Alice''': I'm afraid I can't explain myself, sir, because I'm not myself, you know. :'''The Caterpillar''': I do not know. :'''Alice''': Well, I can't put it any more clearly, sir, for it isn't clear to me. :'''The Caterpillar''': You? Who are you? :'''Alice''': Well, don't you think you should tell me... ''[coughs from the smoke]'' Who, you are first? :'''The Caterpillar''': Why? :'''Alice''': Oh, dear, everything is ''so'' confusing. :'''The Caterpillar''': It is not. :'''Alice''': Well, it is to me. :'''The Caterpillar''': Why? :'''Alice''': Well, I can't remember things like I used to, and... :'''The Caterpillar''': Recite. :'''Alice''': Hm? Oh! Oh, yes, sir. Um, how doth the little bumblebee improve each... :'''The Caterpillar''': Stop. That is not spoken correctically. It goes: How... ''[realizes nothing is coming out of his pipe and notices one of his set of hands grasping on the tube, clogging it; he slaps the hands to get it off the pipe; Alice giggles a bit, but the Caterpillar gives Alice a displeasing look]'' How doth the little crocodile improve his shining tail. And pour the waters of the Nile, on every golden scale. How cheer... ''[shakes a bit]'' How cheer... ''[notices one set of feet teetering on the leaf he's sitting on; he grabs them and puts them back on the leaf; Alice giggles again]'' How cheerfully he seems to grin, how neatly spreads his claws. And welcomes little fishes in, with gently smiling jaws. ''[looks at Alice]'' :'''Alice''': Well, I must say, I've never heard it that way before. :'''The Caterpillar''': I know. I have improved it. ''[blows smoke in Alice's face; she coughs]'' :'''Alice''': Well, if you ask me... :'''The Caterpillar''': ''You? [scoffs] ''Who are you?'' :''[Alice coughs as her head is enveloped in smoke. Fed up with the Caterpillar's nonsense, she storms off before stopping to kick a cloud of smoke off her shoe. She turns back to face the Caterpillar and leaves, her head turned up]'' :'''The Caterpillar''': ''[now noticing Alice leaving]'' You there. Girl. Wait! Come back! ''I have something important to say!'' :'''Alice''': Oh dear. I wonder what he wants now... ''[She returns to the Caterpillar, blowing a smoke arrow at a smoke target]'' Well? :'''The Caterpillar''': Keep your temper. :'''Alice''': Is that all? :'''The Caterpillar''': No. Exactly, what is your problem? :'''Alice''': Well, it's exactly... Well, it's precisely this. I should like to be a little larger, sir. :'''The Caterpillar''': Why? :'''Alice''': Well, after all, three inches is such a wretched height, and... :'''The Caterpillar''': ''[suddenly angry]'' ''I'' am exactly three inches high, '''and it is a very good height, ''indeed!''''' ''[starts smoking his hookah faster and faster until he is enveloped in black smoke]'' :'''Alice''': But I'm not used to it. And you needn't '''shout'''! ''[she blows the cloud away as she says this, showing the Caterpillar's skin, shoes, hands, and hookah laying there]'' Oh, dear. :'''The Caterpillar''': ''[now a butterfly]'' By the way, I have a few more helpful hints. One side will make you grow taller... :'''Alice''': One side of what? :'''The Butterfly''': ...And the other side will make you grow shorter. ''[he flies away]'' :'''Alice''': ''[shouting]'' The other side of what? :'''The Butterfly''': ''[equally as loud; hostile]'' '''THE MUSHROOM, ''OF COURSE!''''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Pigeon''': A serpent! Help! Help! A serpent, a serpent! :'''Alice''': Oh, but please! Please! :'''The Pigeon''': Off with you! Shoo! Shoo! Go away! Serpent! Serpeeeent! :'''Alice''': But I'm not a serpent! :'''The Pigeon''': Serpent- Indeed? Then, just what are you? :'''Alice''': I'm just a little girl. :'''The Pigeon''': Little? Ha! ''Little?'' ''[laughs]'' :'''Alice''': Well, I am! I mean, I-I was. :'''The Pigeon''': And I suppose you don't eat eggs, either? :'''Alice''': Yes, I do, but, but, but... :'''The Pigeon''': I knew it! I knew it! Serpent! Serpeeeent! :'''Alice''': Oh, for goodness sake! <hr width="50%"/> [[File:Alice_in_Wonderland_(1951)_-_Cheshire_Cat.png|thumb|Most everyone's mad here.]] :'''The Cheshire Cat''': ''[singing] 'Twas brilig, and the slithy toves <br> Did gyre and gimble in the wabe <br> All mimsy were the borogroves,<br> And the mome raths outgrabe.'' :'''Alice''': Now, where in the world do you suppose that...? :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Lose something? :'''Alice''': ''[turns around to find just the Cat's smile talking to her]'' Oh! Uh, hehe, no, no, I mean, I was just wondering... :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Oh, that's quite alright. One moment please. ''[Two eyes drop down on top of the mouth and play harmonica notes. The full cat form appears]'' Second chorus. ''[singing]'' 'Twas brilig, and the slithy toves <br> Did gyre and gimble in the wabe. :'''Alice''': Why, why, you're a cat! :'''The Cheshire Cat''': A ''Cheshire'' Cat. ''[starts to disappear]'' All mimsy were the borogroves... :'''Alice''': Oh, wait! Don't go, please! :'''The Cheshire Cat''': ''[reappears]'' There you are! Third chorus... :'''Alice''': Oh, no, no. Thank you, but I just wanted to ask which way I ought to go. :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Well, that depends on where you ought to get to. :'''Alice''': Oh, it really doesn't matter, as long as I... :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Then it really doesn't matter which way you go. ''[disappears and reappears on another tree branch]'' Oh by the way, if you'd really like to know, he went that way. :'''Alice''': Who did? :'''The Cheshire Cat''': The White Rabbit. :'''Alice''': He did? :'''The Cheshire Cat''': He did what? :'''Alice''': He went that way. :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Who did? :'''Alice''': The white rabbit! :'''The Cheshire Cat''': What rabbit? :'''Alice''': But didn't you just say? I mean- Oh, dear! :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Can you stand on your head? However, if I were looking for a white rabbit, I'd ask the Mad Hatter. :'''Alice''': The Mad Hatter? Oh, no, no, no... :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Or, there's the March Hare, in that direction. :'''Alice''': Oh, thank you. I think I shall visit him... :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Of course, he's mad, too. :'''Alice''': But I don't want to go among mad people! :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Oh, you can't help that. Most everyone's mad here. ''[laughs maniacally and begins to disappear]'' You may have noticed that I'm not ''ALL THERE'' myself, ''[laughs creepily as he fades away]'' ''And the mome raths outgrabe!'' :'''Alice''': Goodness. If the people here are like that, I must try not to upset them. <hr width="50%"/> :'''The March Hare and the Mad Hatter''': ''[run over to Alice]'' No room! No room! No room! :'''Alice''': I thought there was plenty of room. :'''The March Hare''': Ah, but it's very rude to sit down without being invited. :'''The Mad Hatter''': I'll say it's rude. It's very, very rude indeed. :'''The Dormouse''': Very, very rude indeed. :'''Alice''': I'm very sorry. But I did enjoy your singing, and I wonder if you could tell me… :'''The March Hare''': You enjoyed ''our'' singing? :'''The Mad Hatter''': Oh, what a delightful child! I'm so excited. We never get compliments. You must have a cup of tea. :'''The March Hare''': Ah, yes, indeed. The tea. You must have a cup of tea. :'''Alice''': That would be very nice. I'm sorry I interrupted your birthday party. ''[March Hare offers her a cup of tea]'' Thank you. :'''The March Hare''': ''[yanks her teacup away]'' Birthday? Ha-ha-ha. My dear child, this is NOT a birthday party! :'''The Mad Hatter''': Of course not. This is an ''un''birthday party. :'''Alice''': Unbirthday? Well, I'm sorry, but I don't quite understand. :'''The March Hare''': It's very simple. Now, 30 days has Septem -No, wait... An unbirthday, if you have a birthday, then, you- ''[laughs]'' She doesn't know what an unbirthday is. :'''The Mad Hatter''': How silly. I shall elucidate. <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Mad Hatter''': And now, my dear, as you were saying...? :'''Alice''': Oh, yes. I was sitting on the riverbank with you know who. :'''The Mad Hatter''': I do? :'''Alice''': I mean my C-A-T. :'''The Mad Hatter''': Tea? :'''The March Hare''': Just half a cup, if you don't mind. <hr width="50%"/> [[File:Alice_in_Wonderland_(1951)_-_Mad_Hatter.png|thumb|Would you like more tea?]] :'''The Mad Hatter''': Would you like a little more tea? :'''Alice''': Well, I haven't had any yet, so I can't very well take more. :'''The March Hare''': Ah, you mean you can't very well take less. :'''The Mad Hatter''': Yes. You can always take more than nothing. :'''Alice''': But I only meant that... :'''The Mad Hatter''': And now, my dear... Something seems to be troubling you. Won't you tell us all about it? :'''The March Hare''': Start at the beginning. :'''The Mad Hatter''': Yes. And when you come to the end... stop. See? <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Dormouse''': ''[Panics but calms down]'' :'''The Mad Hatter''': ''[after they have restrained the Dormouse]'' Ah, thank goodness! Those are the things that upset me! :'''The March Hare''': See all the trouble you started? :'''Alice''': But I didn't think... :'''The March Hare''': Ah, that's just it. If you don't think, then you shouldn't talk. <hr width="50%"/> [[File:Alice_in_Wonderland_(1951)_-_March_Hare.png|thumb|Careful! SHE's STARK RAVING MAD!]] :'''The Mad Hatter''': What's the matter, my dear? Don't you care for tea? :'''Alice''': Why, yes. I'm very fond of tea, but- :'''The March Hare''': If you don't care for tea, you could at least make polite conversation! :'''Alice''': ''[frustrated]'' Well, I've been trying to ask you- :'''The March Hare''': I have an excellent idea. Let's change the subject. :'''The Mad Hatter''': Why is a raven like a writing desk? :'''Alice''': Riddles? ''[to herself]'' Let me see. Why is a raven like a writing desk? :'''The Mad Hatter''': I beg your pardon? :'''Alice''': Why is a raven like a writing desk? :'''The Mad Hatter''': ''[shocked]'' WHY IS A WHAT?! :'''The March Hare''': ''[nervously]'' Careful! SHE'S STARK RAVING M-MAD! :'''Alice''': But it's ''your'' silly riddle. ''You'' just said... :'''The Mad Hatter''': ''[nervously]'' Easy! Don't get excited! :'''The March Hare''': ''[trying to make peace with Alice]'' How about a nice cup of tea? :'''Alice''': ''[angrily]'' "Have a cup of tea", indeed! Well, ''I'M'' sorry, but I just ''HAVEN'T'' the time! :'''The March Hare''': THE TIME! THE TIME! WHO'S GOT THE TIME? :'''The White Rabbit''': N-n-n-no time, no time, no time! Hello, goodbye, I'm late, I'm late. :'''Alice''': The White Rabbit! :'''The White Rabbit''': I'm so late! I'm so very late. :'''The Mad Hatter''': ''[snatching the White Rabbit's Watch]'' Well, no wonder you're late! Why, this clock is ''EXACTLY'' two days slow! :'''The White Rabbit''': Two days slow? :'''The Mad Hatter''': Of course you're late! ''[chuckles as he dunks the watch in the tea]'' MY GOODNESS! We'll have to look into this. ''[places a salt shaker over his eye and uses it as a jeweler's eyepiece]'' ''AHA!'' I see what's wrong with it! ''[starts to pry parts out of the watch with a fork]'' Why, this watch is full of wheels! :'''The White Rabbit''': ''[shocked]'' OH, MY POOR WATCH! OH, MY WHEELS AND SPRINGS! But-but-but-but-but-but- :'''The Mad Hatter''': BUTTER! Of course! It ''NEEDS'' some butter. BUTTER! :'''The March Hare''': ''[shouts into the White Rabbit's ear]'' ''BUTTER!'' :'''The White Rabbit''': ''[confused]'' Butter? :'''The Mad Hatter''': Butter! Oh, thank you! Ha-ha! Yes! That's FINE! :'''The White Rabbit''': Oh, no, no! No, no! No! You'll get crumbs in it! :'''The Mad Hatter''': Oh, ''THIS'' is the ''VERY BEST'' butter! ''[throws butter in the White Rabbit's face]'' What are you talking about? :'''The March Hare''': Tea? :'''The Mad Hatter''': Oh, tea! I never ''THOUGHT'' of tea before! OF COURSE! ''TEA!'' HE-HE-HE! :'''The White Rabbit''': ''NO!'' ''[shocked]'' NO! ''NOT'' TEA! :'''The March Hare''': Sugar? :'''The Mad Hatter''': SUGAR! TWO SPOONS! Yes, ha, ''TWO SPOONS'' thank you, yes! ''[jams the spoons straight into the watch]'' :'''The White Rabbit''': ''[shocked]'' Oh please, '''''BE CAREUL!''''' :'''The March Hare''': ''JAM?'' :'''The Mad Hatter''': JAM! I FORGOT ALL ABOUT JAM! Yes, sure you want. It's nice to see. :'''The White Rabbit''': No! No! Not jam! :'''The March Hare''': ''MUSTARD?'' :'''The Mad Hatter''': Mustard! Yes... What? ''MUSTARD?!'' Don't let's be silly! ''Lemon'', that's ''different'', there. THAT should do it! Hahaha! ''[watch starts going crazy]'' LOOK AT THAT! :'''The March Hare''': IT'S GOING MAD! :'''Alice''': OH, MY GOODNESS! :'''The White Rabbit''': OH, DEAR! :'''The March Hare''': IT IS GOING MAD! MAD WATCH! :'''The Mad Hatter''': I DON'T UNDERSTAND, IT'S THE BEST BUTTER! :'''The March Hare''': MAD WATCH! ''MAD WATCH! '''MAD WATCH!''' :'''The Mad Hatter''': OH, LOOK! OH, MY GOODNESS! :'''The March Hare''': THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY TO STOP A MAD WATCH! ''[smashes watch with a mallet; scene changes from color to black and white, then color again]'' :'''The Mad Hatter''': Two days slow. That's what it is. :'''The White Rabbit''': Oh, my watch... :'''The Mad Hatter''': It was? :'''The White Rabbit''': And it was an '''''unbirthday''''' present, too. :'''The March Hare''': Well, in that case... :'''The Mad Hatter and March Hare''': ''[sings both]'' A very merry unbirthday to you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alice''': Oh, dear. Now, I- now, I shall never get out. Well, when one's lost, I suppose it's good advice to stay where you are, until someone finds you. B-But who'd ever think to look for me here? ''[sigh]'' Good advice. If I listened earlier, I wouldn't be here. But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice. ''[sings]'' But I very seldom follow it. That explains the trouble that I'm always in. Be patient, is very good advice, but the waiting makes me curious. And I'd love the change. Should something strange begin? ''[begins to cry]'' Well... I went along my merry way, and I never stopped to reason. I should've known there'd be a price to pay, someday... Someday... I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it! ''[cries harder]'' Will I ever learn to do the things I should? ''[continues crying]'' :'''The Chorus''': Will I ever learn / learn to do the things I should? :'''The Cheshire Cat''': ''[singing in disappear]'' Hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm / And the mome raths outgrabe :'''Alice''': Oh, Cheshire Cat, it's you! :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Whom did you expect? The white rabbit, perchance? :'''Alice''': Oh, no, no, no. I-I'm through with rabbits. I want to go home! ''[blows nose]'' But I can't find my way. :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Naturally. That's because you have no way. ''[Ominously]'' All ways here you see, are the ''QUEEN'S'' ways! :'''Alice''': But I've never met any queen. :'''The Cheshire Cat''': You haven't? You haven't? Oh, but you must! She'll be mad about you, simply mad! ''[chuckles, then rolls over and almost disappears]'' The mome raths outgrabe... :'''Alice''': Please, please! How can I find her? :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Well, some go this way, and some go that way. But as for me, myself, personally, I prefer the short-cut. <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Card Painter, the Card Painter, the Card Painter''': Painting the roses red / We're painting the roses red / We dare to stop or waste a drop / So let the paint be spread / We're painting the roses red / We're painting the roses red / Bum bum bum bum / Oh-h-h-h / Painting the roses red / And many a tear we shed :'''The Card Painter''': Because we know :'''The Card Painter, the Card Painter''': They'll cease to grow :'''The Card Painter''': In fact, they'll soon be dead :'''The Card Painter, the Card Painter''': Oh! :'''The Card Painter, the Card Painter, the Card Painter''': And yet we got ahead / Painting the roses red / Red, red, red, red / Red, red, red, red / Painting the roses red / We're painting the roses red... :'''Alice''': ''[singing]'' Oh, pardon me, but, Mr. 3 / Why must you paint them red? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alice''': ''[singing]'' Painting the roses red... :'''The Card Painter, the Card Painter, the Card Painter''': ''[singing]'' We're painting the roses red. Don't tell the Queen what you have seen or say that's what we said, but we're painting the roses red. :'''Alice''': Yes, painting the roses red. :'''The Card Painter''': Not pink! :'''The Card Painter''': Not green! :'''Alice''': Not aquamarine! :'''The Card Painter, the Card Painter, the Card Painter''': We're painting the roses red! <hr width="50%"/> :'''The White Rabbit''': Her Imperial Highness, Her Grace, Her Excellency, Her Royal Majesty, the Queen of Hearts! ''[The crowd cheers]'' ... And the King. :'''The Card''': Hooray! :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Hmm! Who's been painting my roses red? WHO'S BEEN PAINTING MY ROSES RED? /Who dares to taint / With vulgar paint / The royal flower bed? / For painting my roses red / Someone will lose his head. :'''The Card Painter''': Oh, no, Your Majesty, please! It's all his fault! :'''The Card Painter''': Not me, your grace! The Ace, the Ace! :'''The Queen of Hearts''': You? :'''The Card Painter''': No, Deuce! :'''The Queen of Hearts''': The Deuce, you say? :'''The Card Painter''': Not me! The 3! :'''The Queen of Hearts''': That's enough! Off with their heads! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alice''': Oh, please, they were only trying... :'''The Queen of Hearts''': And who is this? :'''The King of Hearts''': Let me see, my dear. It's certainly not a heart. Do you suppose it's a club? :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Why, it's a little girl. :'''Alice''': Yes. And I was hoping... :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Look up. Speak nicely. And don't twiddle your fingers. Turn out your toes. Curtsy. Open your mouth a little wider. And always say, Yes, Your Majesty. :'''Alice''': Yes, Your Majesty. :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Now, where d'you come from and where are you going? :'''Alice''': I'm trying to find my way home. :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Your way? All ways here are my ways! :'''Alice''': Yes, I know. But I was just thinking... :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Curtsy while you're thinking. It saves time. :'''Alice''': Yes, Your Majesty. But I was only going to ask... :'''The Queen of Hearts''': I'll ask the questions! Do you play croquet? :'''Alice''': Yes, Your Majesty. :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Then let the game begin! <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Off with his head! :'''The King of Hearts''': Off with his head. Off with his head. By order of the Queen. Uh, you heard what Her Majesty said. <hr width="50%"/> :'''The White Rabbit''': Your Majesty, members of the jury, loyal subjects... and the King... the prisoner at the bar stands accused of enticing Her Majesty, the Queen of Hearts, into a game of croquet, thereby and with malice of forethought, molesting, tormenting, and otherwise annoying our beloved... :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Never mind all that! Get to the part where I lose my temper. :'''The White Rabbit''': ...Thereby causing the Queen to lose her temper. :'''The Queen of Hearts''': ''[to Alice]'' Now, are you ready for your sentence? :'''Alice''': Sentence? But there has to be a verdict first... :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Sentence first! Verdict afterwards. :'''Alice''': But that just isn't the way... :'''The Queen of Hearts''': ''[shouting]'' All ways are...! :'''Alice''': ...Your ways, Your Majesty. :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Yes, my child. ''[giggles]'' ''[yelling]'' OFF WITH HER-! Huh? :'''The King of Hearts''': Consider, my dear. We called no witnesses. Couldn't we hear... maybe one or two, huh? Maybe...? :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Oh, very well. ''[yelling]'' '''''BUT GET ON WITH IT!''''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''The King of Hearts''': What do you know about this unfortunate affair? :'''The March Hare''': Nothing. :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Nothing whatever? :'''The March Hare''': Nothing whatever! :'''The Queen of Hearts''': '''''THAT'S VERY IMPORTANT!''''' Jury, write that down! <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Queen of Hearts''': ''[yelling]'' '''''OFF WITH YOUR HAT!''''' :'''The Mad Hatter''': Oh, my! ''[takes his hat off which reveals a teapot and teacup, giggles]'' :'''The King of Hearts''': Where were you when this horrible crime was committed? :'''The Mad Hatter''': I was home drinking tea. ''[pours tea into a cup]'' Today, you know, was... ''[drinks tea]'' ...my unbirthday. :'''The King of Hearts''': Why, my dear, today is YOUR unbirthday, too! :'''The Queen of Hearts''': It is? :'''The March Hare''': It is? :'''The Card Guards''': IT IS??? ''[Much to Alice's horror]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Queen of Hearts''': ''[after the Queen of Hearts is hit in the head and covered in the tapestry]'' Somebody's head IS GOING TO ROLL FOR THIS! ''[RIP! The Queen's face covered by jam, seeing that Alice must have done this]'' AH-HA! :'''Alice''': ''[throws away the gavel and jam and stuffs her hands in her apron's pockets, which soon reveals she still has both parts of the mushroom]'' The mushroom! ''[she quickly eats both parts]'' :'''The Queen of Hearts''': ''[yelling]'' '''OFF WITH HER-!''' ''[covers her mouth in shock as Alice is grown to the height of the courtroom]'' :'''Alice''': ''[to the card guards, after she grows to the height of the courtroom]'' Oh, pooh. I'm not afraid of you. Why, you're nothing, but a pack of cards. :'''The King of Hearts''': ''[reading through a rulebook]'' Rule forty-two: All persons more than a mile high must leave the court immediately! :'''Alice''': I am not a mile high! And I’m not leaving. :'''The Queen of Hearts''': ''[nervously]'' Sorry. Rule forty-two, you know. :'''Alice''': Now, as for you, Your ''Majesty''. ''[unaware that she is shrinking quickly]'' Or Your Majesty, indeed. Why, you're not a queen. Why, you're just a fat, pompous, bad-tempered old tyrant. ''[finally realizes she has shrunk down]'' :'''The Queen of Hearts''': ''[laughs evilly]'' And, what were you saying, my dear? :'''The Cheshire Cat''': ''[appears suddenly, much to Alice's horror]'' Well, she simply said that you're a fat, pompous, bad-tempered old tyrant! ''[disappears laughing]'' :'''The Queen of Hearts''': ''[yelling]'' <big><big>'''''OFF WITH HER HEAD!'''''</big></big> :'''The King of Hearts''': ''[uses his crown as a megaphone]'' You heard what Her Majesty said. Off with her head. <hr width="50%"> :'''The Queen of Hearts''': ''[spotting Alice]'' There she goes. Don't let her get away. Off with her head! :''[Alice reaches the door to escape from the mob]'' :'''The Doorknob''': ''[tries to open the door]'' Doh! I'm still locked, you know! :'''Alice''': ''[in horror]'' But the Queen! I simply must get out! :'''The Doorknob''': ''[chuckles]'' But you are outside. :'''Alice''': ''[releases her grip on the Doorknob]'' What? :'''The Doorknob''': ''[opens his mouth]'' See for yourself. ''[Alice sees through his mouth and sees herself asleep with Dinah also sleeping on her lap by a tree in a beautiful meadow]'' :'''Alice''': Why, that's me! I'm asleep! :'''The Queen of Hearts''': ''[shouting from a distance, advancing toward Alice along with a mob of other Wonderland characters]'' Don't let her get away! Off with her head! :'''Alice''': ''[in terror, through the Doorknob's mouth]'' Alice, wake up! Please, wake up, Alice! :'''The Queen of Hearts''': ''[The mob comes closer; last words]'' Off with her head! :'''Alice''': Alice! Please, wake up, Alice! ''[as the mob draws nearer, the screen goes into swirling multicolor until it shows Alice trying to push the mob away before sleeping by the tree]'' :'''Alice''': ''[voiceover]'' Alice! Alice! Alice! :'''Alice's Sister''': ''[changes to her sister's]'' Alice! Alice! Will you kindly pay attention and recite your lesson? :'''Alice''': ''[waking up after escaping the mob]'' Hm? Oh! Oh, uh, how doth the little crocodile improve each shining tail and pour the waters of the-- :'''Alice's Sister''': Alice, what are you talking about? :'''Alice''': Oh, I'm sorry. But you see, the Caterpillar said-- :'''Alice's Sister''': Caterpillar? Oh, for goodness sakes. Alice, I... Oh, well. Come along, it's time for tea. == Taglines == * A world of wonders in One Great Picture == About ''Alice in Wonderland'' == * No story in English literature has intrigued me more than Lewis Carroll's Alice in Wonderland. It fascinated me the first time I read it as a schoolboy and as soon as I possibly could after I started making animated cartoons, I acquired the film rights to it. People in his period had no time to waste on triviality, yet Carroll with his nonsense and fantasy furnished a balance between seriousness and enjoyment which everybody needed then and still needs today. :* [[Walt Disney]] ''American Weekly'' (1946) ==Cast== * [[w:Kathryn Beaumont|Kathryn Beaumont]] - Alice (voice) * [[Ed Wynn]] - Mad Hatter (voice) * [[w:Richard Haydn|Richard Haydn]] - Caterpillar (voice) * [[w:Sterling Holloway|Sterling Holloway]] - Cheshire Cat (voice) * [[w:Jerry Colonna (entertainer)|Jerry Colonna]] - March Hare (voice) * [[w:Verna Felton|Verna Felton]] - Queen of Hearts (voice) * [[Bill Thompson]] - White Rabbit and Pat the Dodo (voice) * [[w:Heather Angel (actress)|Heather Angel]] - Lorina (voice) * [[w:Joseph Kearns|Joseph Kearns]] - Doorknob (voice) * [[w:Larry Grey|Larry Grey]] - Bill the Lizard (voice) * [[w:Doris Lloyd|Doris Lloyd]] - Red Rose (voice) * [[w:Queenie Leonard|Queenie Leonard]] - Pigeon and Iris (voice) * [[w:J. Pat O'Malley|J. Pat O'Malley]] - Tweedledum and Tweedledee, Walrus and Carpenter and Curious Oysters (voice) * [[w:Jimmy MacDoanld (sounds effect artist)|James MacDonald]] - Dormouse (voice) * [[w:Dink Trout|Dink Trout]] - King of Hearts (voice) * [[w:Ken Beaumont|Ken Beaumont]] - Jack of Hearts (voice) * [[w:Pinto Colvig|Pinto Colvig]] - Flamingos (voice) * [[w:Jack Mercer|Jack Mercer]] - Hedgehogs (voice) * [[w:The Mellomen|The Mellomen ]] - Card Painters (voice) * [[w:Don Barclay|Don Barclay]] - Card Guards (voice) * [[w:Lucille Bliss|Lucille Bliss]] - White Daisy and Tulips (voice) * [[w:Lynn Bari|Lynn Bari]] - Lily of the Valley (voice) * [[w:Norma Zimmer|Norma Zimmer]] - White Rose (voice) * [[w:Marni Nixon|Marni Nixon]] - Calla Lily, Lilac, Blue Larkspurs and Red Daisies (voice) * [[w:Tommy Luske|Tommy Luske]] - Pansies and Blue Violets (voice) * [[w:Jimmy Luske|Jimmy Luske]] - Red Rosebud (voice) * [[w:Erdman Penner|Erdman Penner]] - Eagle (voice) ==External links== * {{wikipedia-inline|Alice in Wonderland (1951 film)|''Alice in Wonderland'' (1951 film)}} * {{commonscat-inline|Alice in Wonderland (1951 film)|''Alice in Wonderland'' (1951 film)}} * {{imdb title|0043274|Alice in Wonderland}} {{Authority control}} {{Walt Disney Animation Studios}} [[Category:1951 animated films]] [[Category:1950s American animated films]] [[Category:Traditionally animated films]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure films]] [[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]] [[Category:American children's animated musical films]] [[Category:Films based on Alice in Wonderland]] [[Category:Films about children]] [[Category:Animated films about rabbits and hares]] [[Category:Films about lizards]] [[Category:The Walt Disney Company]] [[Category:Films about size change]] l2hfuss2fbbh4g30zy2bzxizo8hho6i 3778921 3778920 2025-07-14T22:42:21Z California2003 3224630 /* Alice */ 3778921 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} [[File:Aliceinwonderland-logo.svg|thumb|Alice in Wonderland logo card]] [[File:Alice in wonderland 1951.jpg|thumb|Alice]] '''''[[w:Alice in Wonderland (1951 film)|Alice in Wonderland]]''''' is a [[w:1951 in film|1951]] American [[w:animation|animated]] [[w:musical film|musical]] [[w:fantasy film|fantasy]]-[[w:adventure film|adventure film]] produced by [[Walt Disney]]. It is about a young girl named Alice who follows a white rabbit into a world that is illogical and absurd, but later wishes to go home. :''Directed by [[w:Clyde Geronimi|Clyde Geronimi]] and [[w:Wilfred Jackson|Wilfred Jackson]]. Written by Milt Banta, Del Connell, William Cottrell, [[w:Joe Grant|Joe Grant]], [[w:Winston Hibler|Winston Hibler]], [[w:Dick Huemer|Dick Huemer]], [[w:Dick Kelsey|Dick Kelsey]], Tom Oreb, [[w:Bill Peet|Bill Peet]], Erdman Penner, Joe Rinaldi, [[w:Ted Sears|Ted Sears]], and John Walbridge. Based on [[Alice's Adventures in Wonderland]] and [[Through the Looking-Glass]] by [[Lewis Carroll]].'' {{center/s}}''' A world of wonders in One Great Picture''' ([[Alice in Wonderland (1951 film)#Taglines|taglines]]){{center/e}} ==Alice== * My, what a peculiar place to have a party. You know, Dinah, we really shouldn't be doing this. ''[while crawling through the rabbit hole]'' After all, we've haven't been invited, and curiosity often leads to trouble! ''[As Alice finishes her sentence, she falls down the hole]'' Goodbye, Dinah. Goodbye! ''[while magically floating down the rabbit hole]'' Well! After this, I shall think nothing of falling down stairs. Goodness. What if I should fall right through the center of the Earth... And come out the other side where people walk upside down? But that's silly. * It would be so nice if something would make sense for a change. * ''[to the pink flamingo mallet]'' Do you want us ''both'' to lose our heads?! ==Queen of Hearts== * ''[repeated line]'' Off with her head! ==Dialogue== :''[First lines]'' :'''Alice's Sister''': ''[reading from a history book]'' "...Who wanted leaders, and had been of late much accustomed to usurpation and conquest. Edwin and Morcar, the Earls of Mercia and Northumbria, declared for him: and even Stigand..." Alice? ''[camera zooms out to show Alice sitting in a tree, playing with Dinah and making a chain of daisies]'' :'''Alice''': Hmm? Oh, I'm listening. :'''Alice's Sister''': "And even Stigand, the archbishop of Canterbury, agreed to meet with William and offer him the crown. William's conduct at first was moderate." ''[Alice laughs as her daisy crown falls on her face]'' Alice? Will you kindly pay attention to your history lesson? :'''Alice''': I'm sorry, but how can one possibly pay attention to a book with no pictures in it? :'''Alice's Sister''': My dear child, there are a great many good books in this world without pictures. :'''Alice''': In ''this'' world, perhaps, but in my world, the books would be nothing but pictures. :'''Alice's Sister''': ''Your'' world? Huh! What nonsense. Now... :'''Alice''': ''[getting inspiration]'' Nonsense? :'''Alice's Sister''': Once more, from the beginning. :'''Alice''': ''[to her cat, Dinah]'' That's it, Dinah. If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrariwise, what it is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? ''[Dinah meows to her, shaking her head]'' In my world, you wouldn't say "meow". You'd say, "Yes, Miss. Alice". ''[Dinah meows as Alice picks her up]'' Oh, but you would. You'd be just like people, Dinah. And all the other animals, too. Why, in my world... Cats and rabbits / would reside in fancy little houses, / and be dressed in shoes and hats and trousers. / In a world of my own... / All the flowers / would have very extra special powers. / They would sit and talk to me for hours / when I'm lonely in a world of my own. / There'd be new birds, / lots of nice and friendly how-de-do birds. / Everyone would have a dozen bluebirds / within that world of my own. / I could listen to a babbling brook and hear a song that I could understand. / I keep wishing it could be that way / because my world would be a Wonderland. [[File:Alice_in_Wonderland_(1951)_-_White_Rabbit.png|thumb|I'm late, I'm late.]] :'''Alice''': ''[Dinah meows to her]'' Oh, Dinah. It's just a rabbit with a waistcoat... and a watch! :'''The White Rabbit''': Oh, my fur and whiskers! I'm late, I'm late, I'm late! :'''Alice''': Now, this is curious. What could a rabbit possibly be late for? ''[running after him]'' Please, sir! :'''The White Rabbit''': I'm late, I'm late. For a very important date. No time to say "hello". Goodbye. I'm late, I'm late, I'm late. :'''Alice''': It must be awfully important, like a party or something. Mr. Rabbit. Wait! :'''The White Rabbit''': No, no, no, I'm overdue. I'm really in a stew. No time to say goodbye, hello. I'm late, I'm late, I'm late. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alice''': Curiouser and curiouser. ''[runs up to the small door by pulling back the curtains and turns the Doorknob, it starts talking]'' :'''The Doorknob''': D'ooooh! :'''Alice''': Oh! I beg your pardon... :'''The Doorknob''': Whew. Quite alright, but you did give me quite a turn. :'''Alice''': You see, I was following... :'''The Doorknob''': Rather good, what? Doorknob? Turn? :'''Alice''': Please, sir. :'''The Doorknob''': Since one good turn deserves another, what can I do for you? :'''Alice''': I'm looking for a white rabbit. So, if you don't mind... :'''The Doorknob''': Eh? Oh. :'''Alice''': ''[looking through the Doorknob's keyhole]'' There he is! I simply must get through. :'''The Doorknob''': Sorry. You're much too big. Simply impassable. :'''Alice''': You mean "impossible"? :'''The Doorknob''': No, impassable. Nothing's impossible. Why don't you try the bottle on the table? :'''Alice''': Table? ''[a table and a small bottle magically appear out of the shadows]'' Oh! :'''The Doorknob''': Read the directions and directly you will be directed in the right direction. :'''Alice''': ''[reading the bottle's label]'' '''"Drink Me."''' ''[uncorks the bottle]'' Hm, better look first. For if one drinks much from a bottle marked "Poison", it's almost certain to disagree with one sooner or later. :'''The Doorknob''': Beg your pardon? :'''Alice''': ''[laughs]'' I was just giving myself some good advice. ''[sighs]'' But... ''[drinks from the bottle]'' Mmm... tastes like, uh... cherry tart. ''[unknowingly shrinks down to the size of the table; takes another sip]'' Custard. ''[shrinks down again, barely holding onto the bottle; takes another drink]'' Pineapple. ''[shrinks down so much, she's now even smaller than the bottle itself and struggling with its weight]'' Roast turkey… ''[finally aware of the potion's effect]'' Goodness! ''[unable to support the bottle any longer, slips and drops it]'' What did I do?! :'''The Doorknob''': ''[chuckles]'' You almost went out like a candle! :'''Alice''': ''[runs up to the Doorknob; delighted]'' But look! I'm just the right size! :''[She's about to open the door, but the Doorknob pulls away]'' :'''The Doorknob''': No use. ''[laughs]'' I forgot to tell you. I'm locked! :'''Alice''': Oh, no! :'''The Doorknob''': ''[stops laughing]'' But of course, you've got the key. :'''Alice''': What key? :'''The Doorknob''': Now, don't tell me you've left it up there. :''[A key magically appears on top of the table]'' :'''Alice''': Oh, dear! ''[Alice fails to reach it when she tries to climb up]'' Whatever will I do? :'''The Doorknob''': Try the box, naturally. :''[A tiny box magically appears in front of Alice]'' :'''Alice''': Oh. ''[opens the lid, revealing cookies labeled, "Eat Me"; takes one]'' "Eat Me." All right. But goodness knows what this will do. ''[takes a bite and grows bigger as she hits her head on the ceiling]'' What did you say? :'''The Doorknob''': I said a little of that went a long way. ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> [[File:Alice_in_Wonderland_(1951)_-_Tweedledum_and_Tweedledee.png|thumb|That's logic.]] :'''Alice''': Mr. Rabbit. Oh, Mr. Rabbit. Oh, dear. I'm sure he came this way. Do you suppose he could be hiding? Hmm. Not here. I wonder... No. I suppose he must have... ''[upon seeing Tweedledee and Tweedledum]'' Why, what peculiar little figures. "Tweedledee," and "Tweedledum." :'''Tweedledum''': ''[honk]'' If you think we're waxworks, you ought to pay, you know. :'''Tweedledee''': ''[beep]'' Contrariwise, if you think we're alive you ought to speak to us. :'''Tweedledee and Tweedledum''': That's logic. :'''Alice''': Well... It's been nice meeting you. Goodbye. :'''Tweedledee''': You're beginning backwards. :'''Tweedledum''': The first thing in a visit is to say... :'''Tweedledee and Tweedledum''': ''[singing together]'' How d'ya do? And shake hands, shake hands, shake hands. How d'ya do? And shake hands and state your name and business. ''[both spoken]'' That's manners! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alice''': ''[after the Walrus and the Carpenter song]'' That was a very sad story. :'''Tweedledee and Tweedledum''': Aye, but there's a moral to it. :'''Alice''': Oh, yes, a very good moral, if you happen to be an oyster. <hr width="50%"/> :'''The White Rabbit''': Why, Mary-Ann! What are you doing out here? :'''Alice''': Mary-Ann? :'''The White Rabbit''': Don't just do something, stand there... Uh... no, no! Go, go! Go get my gloves! I'm late! :'''Alice''': But late for what? That's just what I... :'''The White Rabbit''': My gloves! ''[Blows trumpet]'' At once, do you hear!? :'''Alice''': Goodness. I suppose I'll be taking orders from Dinah next. <hr width="50%"/> :'''The White Rabbit''': Oh! Bill! Bill, we need a lizard with a ladder. Can you help us? :'''Bill the Lizard''': At your service, gov'nor. :'''Pat the Dodo''': Bill, my lad. Have you ever been down a chimney? :'''Bill the Lizard''': Why, gov'nor, I've been down more chimneys... :'''Pat the Dodo''': Excellent, excellent. Now, just hop down the chimney and pull that monster out of there. :'''Bill the Lizard''': Righto, gov'nor... Monster? Aaaaah! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pat the Dodo''': ''[singing]'' We'll blow the thing there out, we'll smoke the monster out! :'''The White Rabbit''': ''[singing]'' We'll smoke the monster out... ''[realizes what he just sang]'' NO! No-ho! My poor house and furniture! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alice''': I beg your pardon, but uh...did you...? Oh, that's nonsense. Flowers can't talk. :'''The Red Rose''': But of course we can talk, my dear. :'''The Iris''': If there's anyone worth talking to. :'''The White Daisy''': Or about. ''[giggles]'' :'''The Pansies''': And we sing, too! :'''Alice''': You do? :'''The Yellow Tulip''': Oh, yes! Would you like to hear "Tell it to the Tulips"? :'''The Blue Larkspurs''': No, let's sing about us. :'''The Blue Violets''': We know one about the shy, little violets. :'''The Calla Lily''': Oh, no, not that old thing! :'''The Lily of the Valley''': Let's do "Lovely Lily of the Valley"! <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Red Rose''': Girls! We shall sing "Golden Afternoon". That's about all of us. Sound your "A", Lily. <hr width="50%"/> :'''The White Daisy''': What kind of a garden d'you come from? :'''Alice''': Oh, I don't come from any garden. :'''The White Daisy''': ''[gasps, to the Iris]'' Do you suppose she's a wildflower? :'''Alice''': ''[giggles]'' Oh, no. I'm not a wildflower. :'''The Red Rose''': Just what species or, shall we say, genus are you, my dear? :'''Alice''': Well, I guess you would call me... genus, humanus... Alice. :'''The White Daisy''': Ever see an Alice with a blossom like that? :'''The Iris''': Come to think of it, did you ever see an Alice? <hr width="50%"/> [[File:Alice_in_Wonderland_(1951)_-_Caterpillar.png|thumb|Who are you?]] :'''The Caterpillar''': ''[meeting Alice]'' Who are you? :'''Alice''': I hardly know, sir. I've changed so many times since this morning, you see... :'''The Caterpillar''': I do not see. Explain yourself. :'''Alice''': I'm afraid I can't explain myself, sir, because I'm not myself, you know. :'''The Caterpillar''': I do not know. :'''Alice''': Well, I can't put it any more clearly, sir, for it isn't clear to me. :'''The Caterpillar''': You? Who are you? :'''Alice''': Well, don't you think you should tell me... ''[coughs from the smoke]'' Who, you are first? :'''The Caterpillar''': Why? :'''Alice''': Oh, dear, everything is ''so'' confusing. :'''The Caterpillar''': It is not. :'''Alice''': Well, it is to me. :'''The Caterpillar''': Why? :'''Alice''': Well, I can't remember things like I used to, and... :'''The Caterpillar''': Recite. :'''Alice''': Hm? Oh! Oh, yes, sir. Um, how doth the little bumblebee improve each... :'''The Caterpillar''': Stop. That is not spoken correctically. It goes: How... ''[realizes nothing is coming out of his pipe and notices one of his set of hands grasping on the tube, clogging it; he slaps the hands to get it off the pipe; Alice giggles a bit, but the Caterpillar gives Alice a displeasing look]'' How doth the little crocodile improve his shining tail. And pour the waters of the Nile, on every golden scale. How cheer... ''[shakes a bit]'' How cheer... ''[notices one set of feet teetering on the leaf he's sitting on; he grabs them and puts them back on the leaf; Alice giggles again]'' How cheerfully he seems to grin, how neatly spreads his claws. And welcomes little fishes in, with gently smiling jaws. ''[looks at Alice]'' :'''Alice''': Well, I must say, I've never heard it that way before. :'''The Caterpillar''': I know. I have improved it. ''[blows smoke in Alice's face; she coughs]'' :'''Alice''': Well, if you ask me... :'''The Caterpillar''': ''You? [scoffs] ''Who are you?'' :''[Alice coughs as her head is enveloped in smoke. Fed up with the Caterpillar's nonsense, she storms off before stopping to kick a cloud of smoke off her shoe. She turns back to face the Caterpillar and leaves, her head turned up]'' :'''The Caterpillar''': ''[now noticing Alice leaving]'' You there. Girl. Wait! Come back! ''I have something important to say!'' :'''Alice''': Oh dear. I wonder what he wants now... ''[She returns to the Caterpillar, blowing a smoke arrow at a smoke target]'' Well? :'''The Caterpillar''': Keep your temper. :'''Alice''': Is that all? :'''The Caterpillar''': No. Exactly, what is your problem? :'''Alice''': Well, it's exactly... Well, it's precisely this. I should like to be a little larger, sir. :'''The Caterpillar''': Why? :'''Alice''': Well, after all, three inches is such a wretched height, and... :'''The Caterpillar''': ''[suddenly angry]'' ''I'' am exactly three inches high, '''and it is a very good height, ''indeed!''''' ''[starts smoking his hookah faster and faster until he is enveloped in black smoke]'' :'''Alice''': But I'm not used to it. And you needn't '''shout'''! ''[she blows the cloud away as she says this, showing the Caterpillar's skin, shoes, hands, and hookah laying there]'' Oh, dear. :'''The Caterpillar''': ''[now a butterfly]'' By the way, I have a few more helpful hints. One side will make you grow taller... :'''Alice''': One side of what? :'''The Butterfly''': ...And the other side will make you grow shorter. ''[he flies away]'' :'''Alice''': ''[shouting]'' The other side of what? :'''The Butterfly''': ''[equally as loud; hostile]'' '''THE MUSHROOM, ''OF COURSE!''''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Pigeon''': A serpent! Help! Help! A serpent, a serpent! :'''Alice''': Oh, but please! Please! :'''The Pigeon''': Off with you! Shoo! Shoo! Go away! Serpent! Serpeeeent! :'''Alice''': But I'm not a serpent! :'''The Pigeon''': Serpent- Indeed? Then, just what are you? :'''Alice''': I'm just a little girl. :'''The Pigeon''': Little? Ha! ''Little?'' ''[laughs]'' :'''Alice''': Well, I am! I mean, I-I was. :'''The Pigeon''': And I suppose you don't eat eggs, either? :'''Alice''': Yes, I do, but, but, but... :'''The Pigeon''': I knew it! I knew it! Serpent! Serpeeeent! :'''Alice''': Oh, for goodness sake! <hr width="50%"/> [[File:Alice_in_Wonderland_(1951)_-_Cheshire_Cat.png|thumb|Most everyone's mad here.]] :'''The Cheshire Cat''': ''[singing] 'Twas brilig, and the slithy toves <br> Did gyre and gimble in the wabe <br> All mimsy were the borogroves,<br> And the mome raths outgrabe.'' :'''Alice''': Now, where in the world do you suppose that...? :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Lose something? :'''Alice''': ''[turns around to find just the Cat's smile talking to her]'' Oh! Uh, hehe, no, no, I mean, I was just wondering... :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Oh, that's quite alright. One moment please. ''[Two eyes drop down on top of the mouth and play harmonica notes. The full cat form appears]'' Second chorus. ''[singing]'' 'Twas brilig, and the slithy toves <br> Did gyre and gimble in the wabe. :'''Alice''': Why, why, you're a cat! :'''The Cheshire Cat''': A ''Cheshire'' Cat. ''[starts to disappear]'' All mimsy were the borogroves... :'''Alice''': Oh, wait! Don't go, please! :'''The Cheshire Cat''': ''[reappears]'' There you are! Third chorus... :'''Alice''': Oh, no, no. Thank you, but I just wanted to ask which way I ought to go. :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Well, that depends on where you ought to get to. :'''Alice''': Oh, it really doesn't matter, as long as I... :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Then it really doesn't matter which way you go. ''[disappears and reappears on another tree branch]'' Oh by the way, if you'd really like to know, he went that way. :'''Alice''': Who did? :'''The Cheshire Cat''': The White Rabbit. :'''Alice''': He did? :'''The Cheshire Cat''': He did what? :'''Alice''': He went that way. :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Who did? :'''Alice''': The white rabbit! :'''The Cheshire Cat''': What rabbit? :'''Alice''': But didn't you just say? I mean- Oh, dear! :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Can you stand on your head? However, if I were looking for a white rabbit, I'd ask the Mad Hatter. :'''Alice''': The Mad Hatter? Oh, no, no, no... :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Or, there's the March Hare, in that direction. :'''Alice''': Oh, thank you. I think I shall visit him... :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Of course, he's mad, too. :'''Alice''': But I don't want to go among mad people! :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Oh, you can't help that. Most everyone's mad here. ''[laughs maniacally and begins to disappear]'' You may have noticed that I'm not ''ALL THERE'' myself, ''[laughs creepily as he fades away]'' ''And the mome raths outgrabe!'' :'''Alice''': Goodness. If the people here are like that, I must try not to upset them. <hr width="50%"/> :'''The March Hare and the Mad Hatter''': ''[run over to Alice]'' No room! No room! No room! :'''Alice''': I thought there was plenty of room. :'''The March Hare''': Ah, but it's very rude to sit down without being invited. :'''The Mad Hatter''': I'll say it's rude. It's very, very rude indeed. :'''The Dormouse''': Very, very rude indeed. :'''Alice''': I'm very sorry. But I did enjoy your singing, and I wonder if you could tell me… :'''The March Hare''': You enjoyed ''our'' singing? :'''The Mad Hatter''': Oh, what a delightful child! I'm so excited. We never get compliments. You must have a cup of tea. :'''The March Hare''': Ah, yes, indeed. The tea. You must have a cup of tea. :'''Alice''': That would be very nice. I'm sorry I interrupted your birthday party. ''[March Hare offers her a cup of tea]'' Thank you. :'''The March Hare''': ''[yanks her teacup away]'' Birthday? Ha-ha-ha. My dear child, this is NOT a birthday party! :'''The Mad Hatter''': Of course not. This is an ''un''birthday party. :'''Alice''': Unbirthday? Well, I'm sorry, but I don't quite understand. :'''The March Hare''': It's very simple. Now, 30 days has Septem -No, wait... An unbirthday, if you have a birthday, then, you- ''[laughs]'' She doesn't know what an unbirthday is. :'''The Mad Hatter''': How silly. I shall elucidate. <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Mad Hatter''': And now, my dear, as you were saying...? :'''Alice''': Oh, yes. I was sitting on the riverbank with you know who. :'''The Mad Hatter''': I do? :'''Alice''': I mean my C-A-T. :'''The Mad Hatter''': Tea? :'''The March Hare''': Just half a cup, if you don't mind. <hr width="50%"/> [[File:Alice_in_Wonderland_(1951)_-_Mad_Hatter.png|thumb|Would you like more tea?]] :'''The Mad Hatter''': Would you like a little more tea? :'''Alice''': Well, I haven't had any yet, so I can't very well take more. :'''The March Hare''': Ah, you mean you can't very well take less. :'''The Mad Hatter''': Yes. You can always take more than nothing. :'''Alice''': But I only meant that... :'''The Mad Hatter''': And now, my dear... Something seems to be troubling you. Won't you tell us all about it? :'''The March Hare''': Start at the beginning. :'''The Mad Hatter''': Yes. And when you come to the end... stop. See? <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Dormouse''': ''[Panics but calms down]'' :'''The Mad Hatter''': ''[after they have restrained the Dormouse]'' Ah, thank goodness! Those are the things that upset me! :'''The March Hare''': See all the trouble you started? :'''Alice''': But I didn't think... :'''The March Hare''': Ah, that's just it. If you don't think, then you shouldn't talk. <hr width="50%"/> [[File:Alice_in_Wonderland_(1951)_-_March_Hare.png|thumb|Careful! SHE's STARK RAVING MAD!]] :'''The Mad Hatter''': What's the matter, my dear? Don't you care for tea? :'''Alice''': Why, yes. I'm very fond of tea, but- :'''The March Hare''': If you don't care for tea, you could at least make polite conversation! :'''Alice''': ''[frustrated]'' Well, I've been trying to ask you- :'''The March Hare''': I have an excellent idea. Let's change the subject. :'''The Mad Hatter''': Why is a raven like a writing desk? :'''Alice''': Riddles? ''[to herself]'' Let me see. Why is a raven like a writing desk? :'''The Mad Hatter''': I beg your pardon? :'''Alice''': Why is a raven like a writing desk? :'''The Mad Hatter''': ''[shocked]'' WHY IS A WHAT?! :'''The March Hare''': ''[nervously]'' Careful! SHE'S STARK RAVING M-MAD! :'''Alice''': But it's ''your'' silly riddle. ''You'' just said... :'''The Mad Hatter''': ''[nervously]'' Easy! Don't get excited! :'''The March Hare''': ''[trying to make peace with Alice]'' How about a nice cup of tea? :'''Alice''': ''[angrily]'' "Have a cup of tea", indeed! Well, ''I'M'' sorry, but I just ''HAVEN'T'' the time! :'''The March Hare''': THE TIME! THE TIME! WHO'S GOT THE TIME? :'''The White Rabbit''': N-n-n-no time, no time, no time! Hello, goodbye, I'm late, I'm late. :'''Alice''': The White Rabbit! :'''The White Rabbit''': I'm so late! I'm so very late. :'''The Mad Hatter''': ''[snatching the White Rabbit's Watch]'' Well, no wonder you're late! Why, this clock is ''EXACTLY'' two days slow! :'''The White Rabbit''': Two days slow? :'''The Mad Hatter''': Of course you're late! ''[chuckles as he dunks the watch in the tea]'' MY GOODNESS! We'll have to look into this. ''[places a salt shaker over his eye and uses it as a jeweler's eyepiece]'' ''AHA!'' I see what's wrong with it! ''[starts to pry parts out of the watch with a fork]'' Why, this watch is full of wheels! :'''The White Rabbit''': ''[shocked]'' OH, MY POOR WATCH! OH, MY WHEELS AND SPRINGS! But-but-but-but-but-but- :'''The Mad Hatter''': BUTTER! Of course! It ''NEEDS'' some butter. BUTTER! :'''The March Hare''': ''[shouts into the White Rabbit's ear]'' ''BUTTER!'' :'''The White Rabbit''': ''[confused]'' Butter? :'''The Mad Hatter''': Butter! Oh, thank you! Ha-ha! Yes! That's FINE! :'''The White Rabbit''': Oh, no, no! No, no! No! You'll get crumbs in it! :'''The Mad Hatter''': Oh, ''THIS'' is the ''VERY BEST'' butter! ''[throws butter in the White Rabbit's face]'' What are you talking about? :'''The March Hare''': Tea? :'''The Mad Hatter''': Oh, tea! I never ''THOUGHT'' of tea before! OF COURSE! ''TEA!'' HE-HE-HE! :'''The White Rabbit''': ''NO!'' ''[shocked]'' NO! ''NOT'' TEA! :'''The March Hare''': Sugar? :'''The Mad Hatter''': SUGAR! TWO SPOONS! Yes, ha, ''TWO SPOONS'' thank you, yes! ''[jams the spoons straight into the watch]'' :'''The White Rabbit''': ''[shocked]'' Oh please, '''''BE CAREUL!''''' :'''The March Hare''': ''JAM?'' :'''The Mad Hatter''': JAM! I FORGOT ALL ABOUT JAM! Yes, sure you want. It's nice to see. :'''The White Rabbit''': No! No! Not jam! :'''The March Hare''': ''MUSTARD?'' :'''The Mad Hatter''': Mustard! Yes... What? ''MUSTARD?!'' Don't let's be silly! ''Lemon'', that's ''different'', there. THAT should do it! Hahaha! ''[watch starts going crazy]'' LOOK AT THAT! :'''The March Hare''': IT'S GOING MAD! :'''Alice''': OH, MY GOODNESS! :'''The White Rabbit''': OH, DEAR! :'''The March Hare''': IT IS GOING MAD! MAD WATCH! :'''The Mad Hatter''': I DON'T UNDERSTAND, IT'S THE BEST BUTTER! :'''The March Hare''': MAD WATCH! ''MAD WATCH! '''MAD WATCH!''' :'''The Mad Hatter''': OH, LOOK! OH, MY GOODNESS! :'''The March Hare''': THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY TO STOP A MAD WATCH! ''[smashes watch with a mallet; scene changes from color to black and white, then color again]'' :'''The Mad Hatter''': Two days slow. That's what it is. :'''The White Rabbit''': Oh, my watch... :'''The Mad Hatter''': It was? :'''The White Rabbit''': And it was an '''''unbirthday''''' present, too. :'''The March Hare''': Well, in that case... :'''The Mad Hatter and March Hare''': ''[sings both]'' A very merry unbirthday to you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alice''': Oh, dear. Now, I- now, I shall never get out. Well, when one's lost, I suppose it's good advice to stay where you are, until someone finds you. B-But who'd ever think to look for me here? ''[sigh]'' Good advice. If I listened earlier, I wouldn't be here. But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice. ''[sings]'' But I very seldom follow it. That explains the trouble that I'm always in. Be patient, is very good advice, but the waiting makes me curious. And I'd love the change. Should something strange begin? ''[begins to cry]'' Well... I went along my merry way, and I never stopped to reason. I should've known there'd be a price to pay, someday... Someday... I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it! ''[cries harder]'' Will I ever learn to do the things I should? ''[continues crying]'' :'''The Chorus''': Will I ever learn / learn to do the things I should? :'''The Cheshire Cat''': ''[singing in disappear]'' Hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm / And the mome raths outgrabe :'''Alice''': Oh, Cheshire Cat, it's you! :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Whom did you expect? The white rabbit, perchance? :'''Alice''': Oh, no, no, no. I-I'm through with rabbits. I want to go home! ''[blows nose]'' But I can't find my way. :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Naturally. That's because you have no way. ''[Ominously]'' All ways here you see, are the ''QUEEN'S'' ways! :'''Alice''': But I've never met any queen. :'''The Cheshire Cat''': You haven't? You haven't? Oh, but you must! She'll be mad about you, simply mad! ''[chuckles, then rolls over and almost disappears]'' The mome raths outgrabe... :'''Alice''': Please, please! How can I find her? :'''The Cheshire Cat''': Well, some go this way, and some go that way. But as for me, myself, personally, I prefer the short-cut. <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Card Painter, the Card Painter, the Card Painter''': Painting the roses red / We're painting the roses red / We dare to stop or waste a drop / So let the paint be spread / We're painting the roses red / We're painting the roses red / Bum bum bum bum / Oh-h-h-h / Painting the roses red / And many a tear we shed :'''The Card Painter''': Because we know :'''The Card Painter, the Card Painter''': They'll cease to grow :'''The Card Painter''': In fact, they'll soon be dead :'''The Card Painter, the Card Painter''': Oh! :'''The Card Painter, the Card Painter, the Card Painter''': And yet we got ahead / Painting the roses red / Red, red, red, red / Red, red, red, red / Painting the roses red / We're painting the roses red... :'''Alice''': ''[singing]'' Oh, pardon me, but, Mr. 3 / Why must you paint them red? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alice''': ''[singing]'' Painting the roses red... :'''The Card Painter, the Card Painter, the Card Painter''': ''[singing]'' We're painting the roses red. Don't tell the Queen what you have seen or say that's what we said, but we're painting the roses red. :'''Alice''': Yes, painting the roses red. :'''The Card Painter''': Not pink! :'''The Card Painter''': Not green! :'''Alice''': Not aquamarine! :'''The Card Painter, the Card Painter, the Card Painter''': We're painting the roses red! <hr width="50%"/> :'''The White Rabbit''': Her Imperial Highness, Her Grace, Her Excellency, Her Royal Majesty, the Queen of Hearts! ''[The crowd cheers]'' ... And the King. :'''The Card''': Hooray! :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Hmm! Who's been painting my roses red? WHO'S BEEN PAINTING MY ROSES RED? /Who dares to taint / With vulgar paint / The royal flower bed? / For painting my roses red / Someone will lose his head. :'''The Card Painter''': Oh, no, Your Majesty, please! It's all his fault! :'''The Card Painter''': Not me, your grace! The Ace, the Ace! :'''The Queen of Hearts''': You? :'''The Card Painter''': No, Deuce! :'''The Queen of Hearts''': The Deuce, you say? :'''The Card Painter''': Not me! The 3! :'''The Queen of Hearts''': That's enough! Off with their heads! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alice''': Oh, please, they were only trying... :'''The Queen of Hearts''': And who is this? :'''The King of Hearts''': Let me see, my dear. It's certainly not a heart. Do you suppose it's a club? :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Why, it's a little girl. :'''Alice''': Yes. And I was hoping... :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Look up. Speak nicely. And don't twiddle your fingers. Turn out your toes. Curtsy. Open your mouth a little wider. And always say, Yes, Your Majesty. :'''Alice''': Yes, Your Majesty. :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Now, where d'you come from and where are you going? :'''Alice''': I'm trying to find my way home. :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Your way? All ways here are my ways! :'''Alice''': Yes, I know. But I was just thinking... :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Curtsy while you're thinking. It saves time. :'''Alice''': Yes, Your Majesty. But I was only going to ask... :'''The Queen of Hearts''': I'll ask the questions! Do you play croquet? :'''Alice''': Yes, Your Majesty. :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Then let the game begin! <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Off with his head! :'''The King of Hearts''': Off with his head. Off with his head. By order of the Queen. Uh, you heard what Her Majesty said. <hr width="50%"/> :'''The White Rabbit''': Your Majesty, members of the jury, loyal subjects... and the King... the prisoner at the bar stands accused of enticing Her Majesty, the Queen of Hearts, into a game of croquet, thereby and with malice of forethought, molesting, tormenting, and otherwise annoying our beloved... :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Never mind all that! Get to the part where I lose my temper. :'''The White Rabbit''': ...Thereby causing the Queen to lose her temper. :'''The Queen of Hearts''': ''[to Alice]'' Now, are you ready for your sentence? :'''Alice''': Sentence? But there has to be a verdict first... :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Sentence first! Verdict afterwards. :'''Alice''': But that just isn't the way... :'''The Queen of Hearts''': ''[shouting]'' All ways are...! :'''Alice''': ...Your ways, Your Majesty. :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Yes, my child. ''[giggles]'' ''[yelling]'' OFF WITH HER-! Huh? :'''The King of Hearts''': Consider, my dear. We called no witnesses. Couldn't we hear... maybe one or two, huh? Maybe...? :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Oh, very well. ''[yelling]'' '''''BUT GET ON WITH IT!''''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''The King of Hearts''': What do you know about this unfortunate affair? :'''The March Hare''': Nothing. :'''The Queen of Hearts''': Nothing whatever? :'''The March Hare''': Nothing whatever! :'''The Queen of Hearts''': '''''THAT'S VERY IMPORTANT!''''' Jury, write that down! <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Queen of Hearts''': ''[yelling]'' '''''OFF WITH YOUR HAT!''''' :'''The Mad Hatter''': Oh, my! ''[takes his hat off which reveals a teapot and teacup, giggles]'' :'''The King of Hearts''': Where were you when this horrible crime was committed? :'''The Mad Hatter''': I was home drinking tea. ''[pours tea into a cup]'' Today, you know, was... ''[drinks tea]'' ...my unbirthday. :'''The King of Hearts''': Why, my dear, today is YOUR unbirthday, too! :'''The Queen of Hearts''': It is? :'''The March Hare''': It is? :'''The Card Guards''': IT IS??? ''[Much to Alice's horror]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''The Queen of Hearts''': ''[after the Queen of Hearts is hit in the head and covered in the tapestry]'' Somebody's head IS GOING TO ROLL FOR THIS! ''[RIP! The Queen's face covered by jam, seeing that Alice must have done this]'' AH-HA! :'''Alice''': ''[throws away the gavel and jam and stuffs her hands in her apron's pockets, which soon reveals she still has both parts of the mushroom]'' The mushroom! ''[she quickly eats both parts]'' :'''The Queen of Hearts''': ''[yelling]'' '''OFF WITH HER-!''' ''[covers her mouth in shock as Alice is grown to the height of the courtroom]'' :'''Alice''': ''[to the card guards, after she grows to the height of the courtroom]'' Oh, pooh. I'm not afraid of you. Why, you're nothing, but a pack of cards. :'''The King of Hearts''': ''[reading through a rulebook]'' Rule forty-two: All persons more than a mile high must leave the court immediately! :'''Alice''': I am not a mile high! And I’m not leaving. :'''The Queen of Hearts''': ''[nervously]'' Sorry. Rule forty-two, you know. :'''Alice''': Now, as for you, Your ''Majesty''. ''[unaware that she is shrinking quickly]'' Or Your Majesty, indeed. Why, you're not a queen. Why, you're just a fat, pompous, bad-tempered old tyrant. ''[finally realizes she has shrunk down]'' :'''The Queen of Hearts''': ''[laughs evilly]'' And, what were you saying, my dear? :'''The Cheshire Cat''': ''[appears suddenly, much to Alice's horror]'' Well, she simply said that you're a fat, pompous, bad-tempered old tyrant! ''[disappears laughing]'' :'''The Queen of Hearts''': ''[yelling]'' <big><big>'''''OFF WITH HER HEAD!'''''</big></big> :'''The King of Hearts''': ''[uses his crown as a megaphone]'' You heard what Her Majesty said. Off with her head. <hr width="50%"> :'''The Queen of Hearts''': ''[spotting Alice]'' There she goes. Don't let her get away. Off with her head! :''[Alice reaches the door to escape from the mob]'' :'''The Doorknob''': ''[tries to open the door]'' Doh! I'm still locked, you know! :'''Alice''': ''[in horror]'' But the Queen! I simply must get out! :'''The Doorknob''': ''[chuckles]'' But you are outside. :'''Alice''': ''[releases her grip on the Doorknob]'' What? :'''The Doorknob''': ''[opens his mouth]'' See for yourself. ''[Alice sees through his mouth and sees herself asleep with Dinah also sleeping on her lap by a tree in a beautiful meadow]'' :'''Alice''': Why, that's me! I'm asleep! :'''The Queen of Hearts''': ''[shouting from a distance, advancing toward Alice along with a mob of other Wonderland characters]'' Don't let her get away! Off with her head! :'''Alice''': ''[in terror, through the Doorknob's mouth]'' Alice, wake up! Please, wake up, Alice! :'''The Queen of Hearts''': ''[The mob comes closer; last words]'' Off with her head! :'''Alice''': Alice! Please, wake up, Alice! ''[as the mob draws nearer, the screen goes into swirling multicolor until it shows Alice trying to push the mob away before sleeping by the tree]'' :'''Alice''': ''[voiceover]'' Alice! Alice! Alice! :'''Alice's Sister''': ''[changes to her sister's]'' Alice! Alice! Will you kindly pay attention and recite your lesson? :'''Alice''': ''[waking up after escaping the mob]'' Hm? Oh! Oh, uh, how doth the little crocodile improve each shining tail and pour the waters of the-- :'''Alice's Sister''': Alice, what are you talking about? :'''Alice''': Oh, I'm sorry. But you see, the Caterpillar said-- :'''Alice's Sister''': Caterpillar? Oh, for goodness sakes. Alice, I... Oh, well. Come along, it's time for tea. == Taglines == * A world of wonders in One Great Picture == About ''Alice in Wonderland'' == * No story in English literature has intrigued me more than Lewis Carroll's Alice in Wonderland. It fascinated me the first time I read it as a schoolboy and as soon as I possibly could after I started making animated cartoons, I acquired the film rights to it. People in his period had no time to waste on triviality, yet Carroll with his nonsense and fantasy furnished a balance between seriousness and enjoyment which everybody needed then and still needs today. :* [[Walt Disney]] ''American Weekly'' (1946) ==Cast== * [[w:Kathryn Beaumont|Kathryn Beaumont]] - Alice (voice) * [[Ed Wynn]] - Mad Hatter (voice) * [[w:Richard Haydn|Richard Haydn]] - Caterpillar (voice) * [[w:Sterling Holloway|Sterling Holloway]] - Cheshire Cat (voice) * [[w:Jerry Colonna (entertainer)|Jerry Colonna]] - March Hare (voice) * [[w:Verna Felton|Verna Felton]] - Queen of Hearts (voice) * [[Bill Thompson]] - White Rabbit and Pat the Dodo (voice) * [[w:Heather Angel (actress)|Heather Angel]] - Lorina (voice) * [[w:Joseph Kearns|Joseph Kearns]] - Doorknob (voice) * [[w:Larry Grey|Larry Grey]] - Bill the Lizard (voice) * [[w:Doris Lloyd|Doris Lloyd]] - Red Rose (voice) * [[w:Queenie Leonard|Queenie Leonard]] - Pigeon and Iris (voice) * [[w:J. Pat O'Malley|J. Pat O'Malley]] - Tweedledum and Tweedledee, Walrus and Carpenter and Curious Oysters (voice) * [[w:Jimmy MacDoanld (sounds effect artist)|James MacDonald]] - Dormouse (voice) * [[w:Dink Trout|Dink Trout]] - King of Hearts (voice) * [[w:Ken Beaumont|Ken Beaumont]] - Jack of Hearts (voice) * [[w:Pinto Colvig|Pinto Colvig]] - Flamingos (voice) * [[w:Jack Mercer|Jack Mercer]] - Hedgehogs (voice) * [[w:The Mellomen|The Mellomen ]] - Card Painters (voice) * [[w:Don Barclay|Don Barclay]] - Card Guards (voice) * [[w:Lucille Bliss|Lucille Bliss]] - White Daisy and Tulips (voice) * [[w:Lynn Bari|Lynn Bari]] - Lily of the Valley (voice) * [[w:Norma Zimmer|Norma Zimmer]] - White Rose (voice) * [[w:Marni Nixon|Marni Nixon]] - Calla Lily, Lilac, Blue Larkspurs and Red Daisies (voice) * [[w:Tommy Luske|Tommy Luske]] - Pansies and Blue Violets (voice) * [[w:Jimmy Luske|Jimmy Luske]] - Red Rosebud (voice) * [[w:Erdman Penner|Erdman Penner]] - Eagle (voice) ==External links== * {{wikipedia-inline|Alice in Wonderland (1951 film)|''Alice in Wonderland'' (1951 film)}} * {{commonscat-inline|Alice in Wonderland (1951 film)|''Alice in Wonderland'' (1951 film)}} * {{imdb title|0043274|Alice in Wonderland}} {{Authority control}} {{Walt Disney Animation Studios}} [[Category:1951 animated films]] [[Category:1950s American animated films]] [[Category:Traditionally animated films]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure films]] [[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]] [[Category:American children's animated musical films]] [[Category:Films based on Alice in Wonderland]] [[Category:Films about children]] [[Category:Animated films about rabbits and hares]] [[Category:Films about lizards]] [[Category:The Walt Disney Company]] [[Category:Films about size change]] fddw3y74bifccb60zlrqeap8nt1urnp 0 100657 3778692 3659865 2025-07-14T13:52:40Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Comedians]]; added [[Category:Comedians from South Africa]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778692 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Vittorio_Leonardi|Vittorio Leonardi]]''' (born [[2 January]] [[1977]]) is a South African-born stand-up and improvisational comedian and actor. {{comedian-stub}} == Sourced == * I am one of four people in Johannesburg who drives at the speed limit and pays his fines. The city council has us on six-hour shifts, so it works out. ** Quoted in Helen Herimbi, [http://www.tonight.co.za/index.php?fSectionId=356&fArticleId=4870371 "Comedy shows are laughing off the recession,"] ''Tonight'' ([[2009-03-03]]) == External links== {{wikipedia}} * [http://vittorio.sharp.fm/ Vittorio Leonardi Official Website] {{DEFAULTSORT:Leonardi, Vittorio}} [[Category:Comedians from South Africa]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Actors from South Africa]] 9wnu9hyvtmjh1ngi2eyc1nedokkhyqj 0 105351 3778727 3456428 2025-07-14T14:11:22Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Comedians]]; added [[Category:Comedians from South Africa]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778727 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Pdu.jpg|thumb|Pieter-Dirk Uys in 2006]] '''[[w:Pieter-Dirk Uys|Pieter-Dirk Uys]]''' (born 1945) is a South African satirist. == Quotes == === ''Sunday Times'' interview (1980) === :<small>"I'm just the dumb blonde with the jewellery!" by [[w:Jani Allan|Jani Allan]], from the ''Just Jani'' column of the ''[[w:Sunday Times (South Africa)|Sunday Times]]'' (1980), republished in ''[[w:Face Value (book)| Face Value]]'' by [[w:Jani Allan|Jani Allan]].</small> * When I send up the verkramptes, I am always sending up the verkrampte ghosts in me. But I never poke fun at people - it's their ATTITUDES that I find funny. Some of them seem to have their scripts all mixed up. * Soon censorship will become a luxury of the past. When I recently spoke to an ''okie'' connected with the censor board about why 'Mad Max' wasn't banned, his reply was that the youth of today must get used to violence as that will soon be their way of life! It's a sobering thought. * I'm just the dumb blonde with the jewelery! == About Pieter-Dirk Uys == * So talented he's enough to drive any aspiring writer to OD on Smarties - or at least encourage them to stick to writing out place-settings for dinner parties. ** [[w:Jani Allan|Jani Allan]], "I'm just the dumb blonde with the jewellery", ''[[w:Sunday Times (South Africa)|Sunday Times]]'' (1980), republished in ''[[w:Face Value (book)| Face Value]]'' by [[w:Jani Allan|Jani Allan]]. * Underneath the bitchy ''bon mots'' is a satirist of serious commitment. ** [[w:Jani Allan|Jani Allan]], "I'm just the dumb blonde with the jewellery", ''[[w:Sunday Times (South Africa)|Sunday Times]]'' (1980), republished in ''[[w:Face Value (book)| Face Value]]'' by [[w:Jani Allan|Jani Allan]]. * His highs are achieved without drugs - they are born of a serious lust for life. ** [[w:Jani Allan|Jani Allan]], "I'm just the dumb blonde with the jewellery", ''[[w:Sunday Times (South Africa)|Sunday Times]]'' (1980), republished in ''[[w:Face Value (book)| Face Value]]'' by [[w:Jani Allan|Jani Allan]]. == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Uys, Peter-Dirk}} [[Category:Comedians from South Africa]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Social activists]] [[Category:Jews]] [[Category:LGBT people]] [[Category:People from South Africa]] [[Category:Satirists from South Africa]] o7estuxjzq6k0mkc2cobb07g43wy740 3778728 3778727 2025-07-14T14:11:25Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:People from South Africa]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778728 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Pdu.jpg|thumb|Pieter-Dirk Uys in 2006]] '''[[w:Pieter-Dirk Uys|Pieter-Dirk Uys]]''' (born 1945) is a South African satirist. == Quotes == === ''Sunday Times'' interview (1980) === :<small>"I'm just the dumb blonde with the jewellery!" by [[w:Jani Allan|Jani Allan]], from the ''Just Jani'' column of the ''[[w:Sunday Times (South Africa)|Sunday Times]]'' (1980), republished in ''[[w:Face Value (book)| Face Value]]'' by [[w:Jani Allan|Jani Allan]].</small> * When I send up the verkramptes, I am always sending up the verkrampte ghosts in me. But I never poke fun at people - it's their ATTITUDES that I find funny. Some of them seem to have their scripts all mixed up. * Soon censorship will become a luxury of the past. When I recently spoke to an ''okie'' connected with the censor board about why 'Mad Max' wasn't banned, his reply was that the youth of today must get used to violence as that will soon be their way of life! It's a sobering thought. * I'm just the dumb blonde with the jewelery! == About Pieter-Dirk Uys == * So talented he's enough to drive any aspiring writer to OD on Smarties - or at least encourage them to stick to writing out place-settings for dinner parties. ** [[w:Jani Allan|Jani Allan]], "I'm just the dumb blonde with the jewellery", ''[[w:Sunday Times (South Africa)|Sunday Times]]'' (1980), republished in ''[[w:Face Value (book)| Face Value]]'' by [[w:Jani Allan|Jani Allan]]. * Underneath the bitchy ''bon mots'' is a satirist of serious commitment. ** [[w:Jani Allan|Jani Allan]], "I'm just the dumb blonde with the jewellery", ''[[w:Sunday Times (South Africa)|Sunday Times]]'' (1980), republished in ''[[w:Face Value (book)| Face Value]]'' by [[w:Jani Allan|Jani Allan]]. * His highs are achieved without drugs - they are born of a serious lust for life. ** [[w:Jani Allan|Jani Allan]], "I'm just the dumb blonde with the jewellery", ''[[w:Sunday Times (South Africa)|Sunday Times]]'' (1980), republished in ''[[w:Face Value (book)| Face Value]]'' by [[w:Jani Allan|Jani Allan]]. == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Uys, Peter-Dirk}} [[Category:Comedians from South Africa]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Social activists]] [[Category:Jews]] [[Category:LGBT people]] [[Category:Satirists from South Africa]] 3qy309hnj48ipj8blcj6j2u5r56bzmq 0 108958 3778497 3451149 2025-07-14T12:26:32Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Architects]]; added [[Category:Architects from Scotland]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778497 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Charles-Rennie-Mackintosh.jpg|thumb|Charles Rennie Mackintosh (circa 1900)]] '''[[w:Charles Rennie Mackintosh|Charles Rennie Mackintosh]]''' ([[7 June]] [[1868]] – [[10 December]] [[1928]]) was a Scottish [[architect]], [[designer]] and watercolourist. He was a designer in the Arts and Crafts movement and also the main exponent of Art Nouveau in the United Kingdom. He had a considerable influence on European design. {{architect-stub}} == Quotes == * Art is the Flower - Life is the Green Leaf. Let every artist strive to make his flower a beautiful living thing, something that will convince the world that there may be, there are, things more precious more beautiful - more lasting than life itself... you must offer real, living - beautifully coloured flowers - flowers that grow from, but above, the green leaf – flowers that are not dead – are not dying – not artificial – real flowers springing from your own soul – not even cut flowers - You must offer the flowers of the art that is in you – the symbols of all that is noble – and beautiful – and inspiring - flowers that will often change a colourless leaf - into an established and thoughtful thing. ** Lecture, "Seemliness" (Glasgow, 1902), as cited in: David Brett, ''C. R. Mackintosh: The Poetics of Workmanship,'' (2004), p. 56 == Quotes about Charles Rennie Mackintosh == * ([[:w:J. D. Sedding|J. D. Sedding's]]) aphorism 'There is hope in honest error, none in the icy perfection of the mere stylist' became a personal motto for Mackintosh. ** Charles Rennie Mackintosh, ‎Pamela Robertson (1990). ''Charles Rennie Mackintosh: the architectural papers.'' p. 20 ** The quote is sometimes misattributed to Mackintosh himself. ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Mackintosh, Charles Rennie}} [[Category:Architects from Scotland]] [[Category:Painters from Scotland]] [[Category:Illustrators]] [[Category:Artists from Scotland]] [[Category:Designers]] [[Category:People from Glasgow]] [[Category:1868 births]] [[Category:1928 deaths]] 8elkv0pj5wmazi36efmk48ucw3bkbfg 14 109838 3778596 2833014 2025-07-14T12:49:06Z UDScott 4304 Moving from [[Category:Activists]] to [[Category:Activists by issue]] using [[c:Help:Cat-a-lot|Cat-a-lot]] 3778596 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Activists by issue]] [[Category:Labor movement|A]] 9g9lqk3tx88xqvz7m4qqg6xxwp0flwh 0 110552 3778972 3778319 2025-07-15T01:54:08Z 2603:6010:A302:74E3:80F1:D058:B947:28E 3778972 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:George Lopez (TV series)|George Lopez]]''''' (2002–2007) was an American [[w:sitcom|sitcom]] starring comedian [[George Lopez (comedian)|George Lopez]]. The show is focused on the Lopez family, including his wife [[w:Angie Lopez (character)|Angie Lopez]] played by [[w:Constance Marie|Constance Marie]], and their two kids. == Season 1 == === ''Prototype'' [1.01] === : '''[[w:Max Lopez (character)|Max]]''': What's a period? : '''[[w:George Lopez (character)|George]]''': It's a bullet we dodge. Go get ready. <hr width=50%/> : ''[Carmen enters carrying frozen hot dogs under her arms] : '''[[w:Carmen Lopez (character)|Carmen]]''': Here are the hot dogs. : '''[[w:George Lopez (character)|George]]''': What are you doing? : ''[George takes the hot dogs]'' : '''Carmen''': Ow, my underarms burn. Your grandpa's old razor was so dull, it took me forever! : '''George''': Didn't you change the blade? : '''Carmen''': No. Was I supposed to? : '''George''': Sweetheart, that was the blade we used to shave Grandpa right before we put him in the coffin. : '''Carmen''': Oh, my God! : '''[[w:Angie Lopez (character)|Angie]]''': Carmen! That's why you don't lie to people. : ''[Carmen leaves relieved]'' : '''George''': It wasn't a lie. === ''Curious George'' [1.02] === : '''[[w:George Lopez (character)|George]]''': [to Duncan] Look, Where I come from, we weren't ever allowed in the room with a girl and I'm gonna tell you straight, I don't like it. And I want you to know I'm watching you. Even when you don't think I'm around. I'm watching you. When you're sleeping in your little race car bed. I'm watching you. Even if you start to think, "Hey! Maybe he's not watching me." I'm watching you. Pop quiz, what am I doing right now, Duncan? : '''Duncan''': Watching me, sir? : '''George''': There you go! That wasn't so bad, was it? <hr width='50%'> === ''Happy Birthdays'' [1.03] === : '''[[w:George Lopez (character)|George]]''': Angie, do I look like a stupid man? : '''[[w:Angie Lopez (character)|Angie]]''': What? : '''George''': Do I look like an idiot? Do I look like a moron? Do I look like a buffoon? : '''Angie''': Hey, no-one's forcing you to go to SuperCuts. <hr width=50%/> : '''Benny''': George, if you expect a dog to bite you, you'll be happy if all he does is poop on your shoes. === ''Max's Big Adventure'' [1.04] === : '''[[w:List of George Lopez characters#Claudia|Claudia]]''': George! There's a detective waiting for you in your office. Do you have any idea why? : '''[[w:George Lopez (character)|George]]''': No. : '''Claudia''': Look. Nobody is judging you. You are a good man, and you made a horrible mistake! You know maybe it was for love, maybe it was the drink, I don't know! Look! Seriously man just tell me what you did so I can help you. I will shred files, I will lie, I will do anything! : '''George''': Okay, here's the plan. I'll go talk to the cop. You go back to your desk and pretend nothing's wrong, do some work. Okay? But don't pretend, actually do some work! <hr width=50%/> : '''Benny''': I don't know why they're making these kids do a play on staying away from strangers, that is a parent's job. I'll give you my play, "Everyone is Bad". Thank you, thank you. : '''George''': Mom, this is important. You didn't teach me any of this stuff! All you told me was if a stranger comes up to you, start speaking Spanish. That didn't make me safe, that made me exotic! <hr width=50%/> : '''Benny''': Hey, I have a question. : '''Teacher''': Yes? : '''Benny''': That sign outside, "No smoking", Is that just for the kids, or for everybody? : '''Teacher''': That's for everyone. : '''Benny''': How long is the play? : '''Teacher''': Just under 20 minutes. : '''Benny''': I'll catch it on Broadway. <hr width=50%/> : '''George''': Angie, this is ridiculous, what's he gonna learn from this, how to operate a VCR? <hr width=50%/> : '''Angie''': George, you know what my favorite part of the play was? When you walked up to the teacher afterwards and demanded your tax dollars back. : '''George''': Come on Angie, you think that play helped Max? The only thing he's ready for is a tiny kid in a fake mustache who can't stop looking at the audience. He's not walking to school by himself. : '''Angie''': George, It's only 4 blocks! : '''George''': A lot can happen in 4 blocks. He has no idea what's going on out there. He wasn't like me when I was a kid, Angie! He's totally sheltered. At least with me, I grew up in a rough neighborhood surrounded by criminals, I was lucky! : '''Benny''': I'll tell you your problem. : '''Angie''': Can a day go by when you don't say that? : '''Benny''': You already ruin your kids by coddling them. George was always very independent. He was crossing the street by himself when he was 2. : '''George''': I was looking for food! <hr width=50%/> : '''George''': I don't care what Angie says. I don't think Max is ready to walk to school until he learns about the real world. : '''Benny''': I'll tell you what I did when you were a kid. I used to read the newspaper to you right before bed. Remember the Zodiac Killer? You'd say, "He's not coming here, is he Mommy?" And then I'd look at the paper and tell you, "It doesn't say..." : '''George''': Yeah, I remember. No Green Eggs in Ham, no Cat in the Hat, just, "Nut kills 12", night night! : '''Benny''': Okay, you can laugh, but it worked! <hr width=50%/> : '''George''': Alright, this movie might be a little mature for you, but I think it's more important that you learn that not everyone out there is a nice person. : '''Max''': What's the movie? : '''George''': Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I queued it up to the educational part. <hr width=50%/> : '''Angie''': Texas Chainsaw Massacre? Are you insane? : '''George''': Not compared to them. Angie, this is how kids learn, they watch scary stuff, they'll get nightmares, they'll learn to be careful! == Season 2 == === ''Who's Your Daddy?'' [2.01] === : '''Angie''': Where is the water and shelter for this animal? : '''Homeless Man''': It's in my vacation box at the beach. === ''Token of Unappreciation'' [2.02] === : '''[[w:Angie Lopez (character)|Angie]]''': But they're mean to Toby and Toby is your best friend. : '''[[w:Carmen Lopez (character)|Carmen]]''': But she won't be there! : '''[[w:George Lopez (character)|George]]''': Oh, see that only make sense because you're using teenager logic. It's the same kind of logic that gets your kind killed in horror films. : ''[George and Angie talk to Carmen]'' : '''Angie''': Look, honey, I know what you're going through. There was a time when I had to choose between the popular crowd and a sweet pudgy kid eating all by himself. : '''George''': Who was that? : '''Angie''': You don't know him. : ''[George straightens up]'' : '''George''': By the way, you didn't pick the pudgy kid. Pudgy kid picked you. === ''Show Dyslexic The'' [2.03] === : '''Mrs. Wilder''': Mr. and Mrs. Lopez, thank you for coming down. Let me start by saying Max is a ''joy'' to have in class. : '''Angie''': He's a joy at home. : '''George''': You know, and he likes you too. He draws all his favorite people in hell. : '''Mrs. Wilder''': Good! Look, Max is having real problems with his reading. Have you seen his centipede? : '''George''': ...I don't know what that's gotta do with reading, but in our house we call that a "weenus." === ''Halloween Cheer'' [2.04] === : '''Angie''': You know, kids need to be kept busy, or sooner or later they get into trouble. There's a report out that says that most underage sex, drinking, and hooliganism happens between 3:00 and 6:00 PM. : '''George''': Hooliganism? How old is that report? === ''The Unnatural'' [2.05] === : '''Ernie''': Hey, what are you doing? : '''George''': Well, I'm still trying to find my dad. So I'm gonna run an ad in all the newspapers up in Northern California. What do you think? "I lost my father as a boy, mother told me he was dead. Found out he's alive, am now seeking to re-unite with him. Manny Lopez, 5'10", latino male, mid-50's. Will pay for any information leading to contact. : '''Ernie''': Hey, take a little advice from somebody who's written more than his fair share of personal ads. They charge you by the word. You can say the same thing with a lot less. : '''Ernie''' ''[crossing out words in George's ad]'': Just get rid of this, this, this, this, this, this, and this. Now read it to me. : '''George''': "Boy seeking latino male. Will pay for contact." : '''Ernie''': Well, at least it grabs you. : '''George''': Yeah, but where? === ''No Free Launch'' [2.06] === : ''[Debbie knocks on the door at George's house]'' : '''Angie''' ''[waving at Debbie]'': Oh no, that's Debbie Mickens with the PTA coming to collect the money. : '''George''': "Collect the money"? What is she, the mob? <hr width=50%/> : '''Angie''': Just write the check and we can go to the PTA meeting tonight. : '''George''': Alright. I don't want anyone making fun of Max. But this has gotten way out of hand. Not to mention, 500 bucks down the drain. That's a month of groceries. Couple months of gas, a new set of tires. 500 items from the 99 Cents store. : '''Angie''': Sign it. : '''George''': ...25 anniversary gifts. === ''The Wedding Dance'' [2.07] === : '''Curtis''': Man, you're still frozen on this website. What's... "Find a Family"? : '''George''': Oh, I'm trying to find my father. It turns out he's alive, man, my mom's lied to me my whole life. : '''Curtis''': Your mom's behind you, G. : '''George''' ''[yelling]'': TURNS OUT HE'S ALIVE. MY MOM'S ''LIED'' TO ME MY WHOLE LIFE. === ''Love Bites'' [2.08] === :''[When George and Angie are showing Carmen pictures of sexually transmitted diseases]'' :'''George''': This is gonorrhea! [''Carmen squeezes her eyes shut and moans''] Bet you're not glad now you talked me into getting that color printer. [to Angie] The red really pops. <hr width='50%'> :'''Benny''' [to Carmen] Your father didn't ruin my life. I ruined my life. Look, when you're young, you meet a guy who seems great and you forget about what's right or wrong and go to bed with him, and it's pretty good! :'''George''': Mom! :'''Benny''': I'm not going to lie. But then, he doesn't turn out to be as great as you thought and the next thing you know, you're alone with a baby. And while all the rest of your friends are out having a great time, you're up to your stretch marks in dirty diapers. I gave up all my pretty years for him. [''points to George''] <hr width='50%'> :'''George''' [about Adam]: Angie, does that moron have a hickey? :'''Angie''': Yep. :'''Carmen''': Run, Adam! :'''Angie''': You better run, moron! <hr width='50%'> === ''Guess Who's Coming to Dinner, Honey'' [2.09] === : '''George''': I gotta tell the kids I found their grandpa. Carmen, Max, get down here! : '''Angie''': You know you have to explain about his partner, Charles, too? : '''George''': Oh. Take your time, kids. : '''Carmen''': What's up? : '''George''': I got some great news and some interesting news. I think I found your grandpa. : '''Max''': Really? : '''George''': I might have even found you two grandpas! === ''Charity'' [2.10] === :'''Marisol''': [on the phone] Hey Junior. Nah, that was that fool I was telling you about. It's okay, I can talk. :....I know huh? I know huh? I know huh! :''[George hangs up the phone]'' :'''Marisol''': Hey! That wasn't cool! :'''George''': I KNOW HUH! Sorry, no personal calls at work! <hr width=50%/> :'''Benny''': ''[referring to Marisol]'' How's it going with Miss Home Invasion over here? :'''George''': I never should've let Angie talk me into bringing this girl here! She's sarcastic, she's rude... she's like you but with estrogen! :'''Benny''': I told you it was a bad idea to take her into your home, and it's a bad idea to bring her to work! :[''phone rings, Marisol answers''] :'''Marisol:''' Powers Brothers Aviation....''[to George]'' It's Mrs. Lopez. :'''George''': Oh, that's for me. :'''Marisol''': Sorry, no personal calls at work. [hangs up phone] :'''Benny''': I like her. <hr width=50%/> :'''George''': What's with all the seniors? I can handle dog smell but old people smell? :'''Angie''': They're part of "Operation Christmas Rescue", they're wrapping gifts for disadvantaged children. :'''George''': This is your third new charity, I thought you were only going to do a couple hours a week? :'''Angie''': Well the gang people introduced me to the clothesdry people and it's really hard to say no when you're needed so much! :'''George''': Alright, but just don't bring any of your charity cases in my office. :'''Angie''': Why? What happened with Marisol? :'''George''': She's horrible! You know that guy who got fired and then came back to try and shoot up the plant? HE had a better attitude! :'''Angie''': You're just overreacting! :'''George''': Oh yeah? Well her and Ernie were playing chicken with forklifts, except Ernie wasn't even in a forklift, he was just running. <hr width=50%/> :'''George''': [to Angie] I thought we were gonna watch movies tonight, I already rented some. :'''Angie''': Well I can't right now, George. :'''George''': Oh, this changes everything, I coulda gotten a movie I like. Instead of one that"ll..."Touch your heart and celebrate the triumph of the human- ''[snores]''" <hr width=50%/> :'''Angie''': Alright, alright, that is IT. A week ago, you guys didn't need me for anything but as soon as I find something I wanna do, you're helpless! Carmen, there's a sewing book by the machine, FIGURE IT OUT. And Max, I bet if you cleaned your room, you would find your bookbag, and George, make your own dinner and watch your CHICK FLICK. Everybody stop asking me to do things you could be doing on your own! I swear I've never met a more selfish bunch of people. ''[storms off]'' :''[the seniors stare]'' :'''George''': What are you looking at, mind your own buisness. :''[the seniors continue staring]'' :'''George''': I said mind your own buisness! :'''Angie''': ''[comes back]'' THEY'RE DEAF, GEORGE. <hr width=50%/> : '''George''': Were there any calls? : '''Marisol''': Yeah. : '''George''': Well, who called? : ''[Marisol hands over a note with the messages she wrote down]'' : '''George''' ''[reading from the note]'': "The towers are moving and blowing the heating." That doesn't make any sense. : '''Marisol''': I know, huh? : '''George''': "The towers are moving and blowing the heating"... "The Powers are moving the Boeing meeting"! : '''Marisol''': Hey! Now this other message makes sense! : '''George''' ''[reading from Marisol's other note]'': "You missed your heating." === ''Meet the Cuban Parents'' [2.11] === : '''George''': Max, you wanna see the veins on grandpa's forehead pop out? : '''Max''': Yeah! : '''George''': Tell him how great Castro looks for his age. : '''Max''' ''[running to Vic]'': Grandpaaaa! === ''This Old Casa'' [2.12] === : '''[[w:List of George Lopez characters#Benny Lopez|Benny]]''': Oh, hey, Mr. Peepers. Next show starts tomorrow at 8:00 a.m. sharp. : '''[[w:George Lopez (character)|George]]''': I hope there's a 20 drink minimum. <hr width=50%/> : ''[George and Angie talk about re-modelling Benny's bathroom]'' : '''[[w:Angie Lopez (character)|Angie]]''': This is a big job. Shouldn't you hire professionals? : '''George''': Professionals?! Angie, please! I got this! <hr width=50%/> === ''Super Bowl'' [2.13] === : ''[Benny and Angie are talking about George]'' : '''Benny''': Oh, he's scared of death. Ever since he was a kid. : '''Angie''': He never told me that. Did something happen? : '''Benny''': Oh, just the kind of stuff that really is out of a parent's control. : '''Angie''': Like what? : '''Benny''': Like, um, I lied to him and told him that his dad died when he was four. That probably didn't help. : '''Angie''': Mm-hmm. : '''Benny''': And then, he was ''really'' scared, and he asked me if he was ever gonna die. : '''Angie''': And what did you say? : '''Benny''': I said no. I said, "When you grow up, they will have cured all of the diseases and you're gonna live forever." Now, that one wasn't my fault. Science let me down. === ''The Valentine's Day Massacre'' [2.14] === : '''Ernie''': I'm sorry, George. I didn't know ''Marisol'' was coming back. I tried to paint it myself, but halfway through, it started looking like a monkey with boobs. : '''Marisol''': I know one monkey with boobs that owes me some money! : '''Ernie''': Oh, yeah? Well, get it from Mariah Carey, 'cause that's who you painted! === ''Girl Fight'' [2.15] === : ''[Adam is throwing pebbles at Carmen's window; George throws one at the back of Adam's head; Adam turns around, startled]'' : '''Adam''': Please don't kill me, Mr. Lopez! : '''George''': I'm not gonna kill you. Back in the zoo, the bears don't kill their prey. They play with them a little first, then kill them. So come on, lets play! : '''Adam''': [scared] I don't want to play, sir. <hr width=50%/> : '''Adam''': Can you give this poem I wrote to Carmen? : '''George''': Adam, there's a word for what you're going through. It's called being a giant wuss! : '''Adam''': Hey, I am not a wuss. ''[George rips Adam's poem in half]'' My poem! <hr width=50%/> : '''George''': [to Adam] You realize that if I ever catch you around here again, I'll have to bury you next to Justin. : '''Adam''': Who's Justin? : '''George''': ''[stares at garden and sighs]'' He's what makes my roses bloom... : ''[Adam stares at the garden for a moment, then runs away frantically] <hr width=50%/> :'''George''': So I walk in and there he is, Tommy "Rango" Durango, can you believe that? The conflict manager is my bully from grade school! :'''Angie''': I would have loved to have met him George but SOMEBODY didn't wait for our E-ppointment. :'''George''': I'm sorry Angie but I couldn't wait. You know this guy tells me that Carmen's problems are gonna blow over...but now I'm starting to think he's doing nothing on purpose to get back at me. :'''Angie''': Why would he do that? :''[flashback to when George, Ernie and Durango are in grade school.]'' :'''Durango''': If I get expelled for this, you're dead! You hear me? DEAD! :'''George''': ''[laughing]'' Don't drop the soap! :'''Ernie''': What does that mean? :'''George''': I dunno. :''[they both walk off, cut back to the present]'' :'''Angie''': Come on George, you're being paranoid! I mean who holds a grudge for 30 years? :'''George''': So you're not still mad that I forgot to wear my jacket in our wedding photo? :'''Angie''': No. :'''George''': Doesn't bother you at all. :'''Angie''': Nope. :'''George''': So you're over it? :'''Angie''': Of course not. I'm just glad that the happiest day of my life was just Casual Saturday to you. Every time I walk by that picture, I die a little. :'''George''': Well I'm glad you're still over it. <hr width=50%/> :''[Carmen walks in the house all bloodied up]'' :'''George''': Carmen, what happened? :'''Carmen''': I got into a fight with Piper. She kept called me a slut and then she pushed me. :'''Angie''': Honey are you okay? You have blood on you! :'''Carmen''': That's Piper's. :'''George''': Really? :'''Carmen''': Yeah, I punched her in the nose. :'''George''': DAMN, my girl's a scrapper! :'''Angie''': George! :'''George''': Angie let me have this, she drew blood! :'''Carmen''': I didn't start the fight, I didn't even WANT to fight her but, ugh, she made me. You believe me, right? :'''George''': Of course we do :'''Carmen''': Good, cause Mr. Durango didn't. I'm suspended. :'''Angie''': Wait, YOU'RE suspended? That's not right. :'''George''': See Angie, I told you, he's paying me back by getting at my daughter, you still think I'm being paranoid? :'''Benny''': ''[walks in]'' Hey what's going on? :'''George''': Carmen got in a fight, Mom. :'''Benny''': Look, you have blood on you! :'''Carmen''': That's the other girl's. :'''Benny''': DAMN, my granddaughter's a scrapper! :'''George''': Mom, we don't encourage violence in this house. ''[they secretly highfive]'' :'''Angie''': Benny, take Carmen upstairs and help her clean up. :'''Benny''': Sure. Let's go champ. ''[takes her upstairs]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Angie''': Okay, I agree this Rango guy has a history with you and maybe he even thinks he can still bully you, but he has NOT messed with me before. He is gonna fix this and fix it now. :'''George''': Don't tell you're going back to the website? :'''Angie''': To HELL with the e-ppointment! When my baby gets hurt, I go medieval, we're going over there. :'''George''': Lemme get my jacket- :'''Angie''': Oh NOW you remember your jacket! <hr width=50%/> :''[at Carmen's school]:'' :'''Angie''': Mr Durango, I'm Angie Lopez, you know "Spuds" ''[points to George]'' :'''Durango''': Glad you're here. We need to talk about your daughter? :'''George''': Look man, no more talking. I told you i wanted those girls brought in and you didn't, and my daughter got hurt. NOW you're gonna do something starting with unsuspending Carmen. :'''Durango''': I can't do that. :'''Angie''': Yes you can, Carmen is the victim here. :'''Durango''': She is not. I spoke to Piper and the other girls who were there, Carmen started the fight. :'''George''': What? :'''Angie''': That doesn't make any sense. :'''Durango''': It does if you know that Adam broke up with Carmen to go out with Piper. :'''Angie''': Piper and her friends are lying to you. :'''Durango''': Well you're not exactly an unbiased party. So unless you have a witness to back up Carmen's story, I have to take Piper's word. :''[Later on, Adam's now in the room]:'' :'''Adam''': I started the rumor about Carmen because she broke up with me, then I saw Piper and her friends making fun of Carmen. :'''George''': And? :'''Adam''': Piper's lying. I saw her push Carmen and throw the first punch. She started the fight. :'''Durango''': And no one put you up to this? :'''Adam''': No sir. :'''Durango''': Okay. Mr and Mrs Lopez, I'll take to the vice principal and I'll get Carmen's suspension reversed. I'm sorry. <hr width=50%/> :'''George''': Carmen, get down here! :'''Angie''': (to Benny) So, how did it go with the kids? :'''Benny''': Was I babysitting? :'''Angie''': Yes. :'''Benny''': In that case, they were a handful. You owe me twenty bucks. <hr width=50%/> :'''George''': Carmen, good news. :'''Angie''': You're not suspended. Piper is. :'''George''': You can go back to school. Mr. Durango's gonna make sure none of the kids ever mess with you again. :'''Carmen''': I'm not going back. :'''Angie''': Carmen, everything is gonna be better now. Adam's gonna tell everyone that he lied. :'''Carmen''': You don't understand. It's too late. I'm the school whore now. :'''Angie''': Carmen, I think you're getting a little carried away. [''Carmen walks over to the answering machine and turns it on''] :'''Teenage Boy''': [over the answering machine] Yeah. This is Jason. I'd like to leave a message for the school whore. [''he and another boy start laughing''] :'''George''': Who are those boys? I'll get 'em suspended. :'''Carmen''': [starts to cry] Then suspend everybody! You know what else happened today? A boy followed me in the bathroom and asked me if I wanted to do it! :'''Angie''': [as she tries to comfort Carmen] Honey... :'''Carmen''': Another boy pulled up my shirt when I was walking down the hall! [cries] Please don't make me go back. Please! [''hugs George as she cries''] :'''George''': It's okay, baby. We'll figure something out. Go upstairs so your mom and I can talk. [''Carmen goes upstairs''] :'''Angie''': She's not wrong. She can never get her reputation back. :'''George''': I don't want to see her suffer like this for three more years. :'''Angie''': Me either. What are you thinking? :'''George''': Private school. :'''Angie''': That's what I was thinking. Can we afford it? :'''George''': No. We'll have to sell the boy. <hr width=50%/> === ''George vs. George'' [2.16] === : '''George''': Is there a George Lopez here? : '''George II''': You got it, man. : '''George''': So you're George Lopez? : '''George II''': If we're playing 20 questions, it should be 20 different questions. : '''George''': ''[taking a look at a T-shirt]'' How does that work for you, man? You having fun being George Edward Lopez? : '''George II''': I didn't say my middle name. : '''George''': No, you didn't, did you? : ''[George II stands up, concerned]'' : '''George II''': Look, buddy, I got a button right here behind the counter. : '''George''': Hey, press it. I want the cops to come. Because *I'm* the real George Lopez. : '''George II''': Dude, what are you talking about? : '''George''': You went on the internet, got my information and stole my identity. You ruined my credit. What the hell is your real name? : ''[George II gets his wallet out]'' : '''George II''': ''[shows his license]'' It's George Lopez. : '''George''': Anybody could get a fake license. Quick, what's your social security number? : '''George II''': Psst. ''[grabs a skateboard and walks out from behind the counter]'' I'm not giving out my social security number. : '''George''': Why not? : '''George II''': Somebody might steal my identity. : ''[puts it with the others]'' : '''George''': Alright, I'll tell you mine. We'll say it at the same time. Ready? Go. : '''George & George II''': 849-220-6460. : ''[George turns away, then back, looking serious. George II glares]'' : '''George''': Oh, no, you're good. : '''George II''': Look, I don't know how this is happening. I got some credit problems, but... I'm not a thief, man. : '''George''': Okay, here's what you're gonna do. Be at my work tomorrow at 9:00 AM. I wanna see your birth certificate, or I'm calling the cops. And if the cops don't find you, I will, and I'll kick your ass. : '''George II''': Kick all you want, dude. I skateboard. I can't feel anything down there. ''[George glares at him]'' I'll be there. : ''[George walks out]'' === ''A Kiss is Just a Kiss'' [2.17] === : '''Max''': Aunt Gloria kissed Dad! : '''Angie''': That's how people say goodbye, Max. : '''Max''': No, in the garage last night. : '''George''': Ohh... : '''Angie''': What?! : '''Max''': In her nightgown. The red one, not the black one! Dad said we should wait 'til she left to tell you. : '''George''': Left the city, man. Not the porch! === ''Profiles in Courage'' [2.18] === : '''Jack''': You like me? : '''George''': Not really. : '''Jack''': That's 'cause I don't let you in. You know, George, sometimes late at night, I'm balled up in the fetal position, I'm naked, I'm holding a double bourbon and I am crying like a baby. But you will ''never'' see that. : '''George''': Thank you, Jack. === ''Secrets and Lies'' [2.19] === : '''Gina''': Hey Benny, it must be nice to have a three-hour lunch break. I wish ''my'' son were the manager. : '''Benny''': Oh, have you got a son? I just thought a chunk of ugly fell off you. === ''Girls Night Out'' [2.20] === : '''Angie''' ''[to Max]'': Hey honey, you hungry? I made some veggie burgers. I got one left! : '''Max''': No way. Vegetarians are left-wing nutjobs. They undermine the beef industry and put a lot of good, hard-working Americans out on their butts. : '''Angie''': ...What?! : '''Max''': That's what my head ranger, Mr. Dugan, says. : '''George''': Man, what are they teaching you over there? You're supposed to be learning about knots and wood carving. : '''Max''': Wood carving? Ha! Try to get a piece of lumber nowadays, with all these liberal tree-huggers. : '''Benny''': You know what I hate? You can't smoke in restaurants, but a mother can pull out her chi-chi's to feed a baby. : '''Max''' ''[to George]'': Can I get a gun permit? : '''George''': Dude, you still got cartoons on your underwear. No. <hr width=50%/> : ''[George and Angie are mad at Carmen]'' : '''George''': Carmen, you are so grounded, coffee's gonna look at you and say "DAMN!" <hr width=50%/> :'''Angie''': [to Marisol] I don't believe you. I bring you into my home and you betray me? There are two things that are keeping me from tearing into you right now, my son is sleeping next door and I'm pretty sure you could kick my ass. :'''Marisol''': I was only trying to help Carmen. :'''Angie''': Help Carmen? You could have got her killed. You weren't just going to a club, you were out looking for your psycho boyfriend. :'''Marisol''': I wasn't looking for Junior. :'''Angie''': Oh yeah? You don't know where he hangs out? You were shocked to run into him? :'''Marisol''': I don't know, I don't want to talk about this anymore. Get out of my way, prom queen. :'''Angie''': No, and you are NOT dealing with the prom queen, I was first runner-up. :'''Marisol''': [sarcastically] Wow, it's like we've lived the same life. :'''Angie''': I don't want to hear how tough you've had it. You already quit the gang, you got a job and if it were me, I would start to feel better about myself but I guess you still think you deserve a guy who treats you like CRAP. :'''Marisol''': Hey, you don't know how hard it was to leave him. :'''Angie''': Noooo, you're right, it's much easier to stay and be abused. GO AHEAD, throw your life away, cause I don't give a damn anymore. [leaves room] :'''Marisol''': [mutters] I screwed up, I'm sorry. :'''Angie''': [enters back in quickly] Now that you've apologized, we can work on your self esteem, I'll talk to George about you staying, nighty night. [closes door again] <hr width=50%/> :'''Angie''': Where's Carmen? I want to talk to her. :'''George''': I told her to stay in the living room until Marisol's gone. :'''Angie''': Listen, I'm sorry, this was all my fault. :'''George''': Nice try but you're not getting anything out of me. :'''Angie''': George, it's not a trick, it's my fault, you can agree with me. :'''George''': So we're never helping anyone out ever again? :'''Angie''': Never. :'''George''': If someone's on the side of the road and they're dying, what do we do? :'''Angie''': Drive on by. :'''George''': And if somebody leaves a baby on the doorstep? :'''Angie''': Wait until nightfall and let the coyotes get it! :'''George''': [laughs] That's my girl. Well in about 10 minutes, This will all be over once Marisol's out of the house. :'''Angie''': Hey, listen about that- :'''George''': [interrupts her] NOOOO. :'''Angie''': You don't even know what I was gonna say! I got an idea. === ''I Only Have Eyes for You'' [2.21] === : '''George''': Angie, do you think the kids have favorites? : '''Angie''': No, I think they love us both equally. : ''[Max comes downstairs]'' : '''George''': Hey Max. : '''Max''': Hey dad. : '''George''': Answer a question for us. Your mom and I are both drowning and there's only one life preserver. : '''Angie''': George! === ''Team Leader'' [2.22] === : '''Benny''': Hey, so who are they firing? If it's Crazy Carlos, I'm not coming in tomorrow because he's a shooter. : '''George''': They're not firing anybody. They're making four people team leaders and one of 'em is Ernie. : '''Benny''': Ernie? Well, he can't lead a fly to dog poop! === ''George Has Two Mommies'' [2.23] === : ''[after Max and Ricky burned down the garage]'' : '''George''': ''[to Benny]'' What the hell were you thinking? How many times have I told you that ''this'' isn't putting out a cigarette? : '''Benny''': It wasn't me. I flick it to the neighbor's yard like decent people. : '''George''': ''[to Carmen]'' What the hell were you thinking? : '''Carmen''': Why are you accusing me? : '''George''': You snuck out of the house, you got a hicky, you smoked a cigarette, you are one hard lemonade away from arson. : '''Max''': I did it. : '''George''': I knew it. ''[to Carmen]'' What did you do to make your brother burn the garage down? : '''Max''': Ricky gave me a bottle rocket, and I shot it off, but I didn't know it would land on the garage. I'm really sorry, Dad. : '''George''': Sorry doesn't cut it. You can say goodbye to your allowance for the next year. : '''Max''': But Dad... : '''George''': No, I don't want to hear it. Max, you destroyed the garage. ''[realizes]'' Oh, man, my golf clubs! No, I put them in the car. No, I put them in the garage to clean them! No, I put them back. I don't remember! <hr width=50%/> : '''Angie''': Come on you guys, let's just try to forget about the money and have some breakfast. How about some scrambled eggs, we'll call my dad for a loan and maybe some french toast? : '''George''': No, I'm not taking money from your dad. : '''Angie''': Okay, okay. Then how about some waffles, please just swallow your pride, and maybe some orange juice? === ''Long Time No See'' [2.24] === : '''George''': Alright mom, we're all alone. Let's clear the air. Are there any more lies I should know about? : '''Benny''': Yes. : '''George''': What? : '''Benny''': Well there's a bunch of things. But I'm gonna space 'em out so I won't look like such a bad person. == Season 3 == === ''Dubya, Dad and Dating'' (Part 1) [3.01] === === ''Dubya, Dad and Dating'' (Part 2) [3.02] === === ''The Cuban Missus Crisis'' [3.03] === === ''Feel the Burn'' [3.04] === === ''Carmen's Dating'' [3.05] === :'''George''': Angie, your dad's been here for a month, how long is he gonna stay? :'''Angie''': We can't kick him out while he's getting over the divorce, he's staying here as long as he needs to. End of discussion. :'''George''': Alright. :'''Benny''': (to Angie) Hey, now I know what you've been knitting, a to-go bag for my son's huevos. <hr width=50%/> :'''Carmen''': [to George & Angie] You guys are the best parents in the whole world! :'''George''': No. :'''Carmen''': No, what? :'''George''': You want something and the answer is no. You're just too young. :'''Carmen''': You don't even know what it is. :'''George''': What is it? :'''Carmen''': I wanna date. :'''George''': No, you're just too young. Angie, I got it right! <hr width='50%'> :'''Jason''': I'm here to see Carmen. :'''George''': Are you sure you can be here? The super popular kids might see you! You could lose your reputation and have to eat lunch with.. the debate team! :'''Jason''': I'm captain of the debate team. <hr width='50%'> :'''George''': Hey J-Man, what's up? :'''Jason''': What's up, man? :'''George''': Wait up for Carmen. :'''Jason''': Carmen? (looks at her) Oh yeah... I've seen you in the cafeteria, nice to meet you. :'''George''': That's how you treat your girlfriend? :'''Jason''': Girlfriend? Yeah right. (walks off with his friends) :'''Carmen''': ...I'm going home! (runs off) :'''Angie''': Carmen! :'''George''': Follow her and make sure she's alright, I'll deal with Jason. (gets out of the car) It's bad enough to ignore my daughter but I thought we had something. "What's up, man?" I don't think so. Yo, Breakfast Club! <hr width=50%/> :'''George''': What happened out there? Why did you pretend not to know my daughter? :'''Jason''': Mr. Lopez, I really like Carmen. Come on, you gotta believe me. I know I must have looked bad out there. :'''George''': Bad? Jason, you humiliated her! :'''Jason''': But I didn't want to, it's just that...Okay look. Carmen's new at Allendale right, and my friends, we already have our own group. I honestly intended on taking her out but... you know...who she is and who I am- :'''George''': Come on, man, get to the point. :'''Jason''': We really can't be seen together in public. :'''George''': Look, my daughter deserves respect, and since you can't give it to her, you're not allowed to see her again, you understand me? :'''Jason''': Maybe you should leave that up to Carmen. :'''George''': You know, man, I knew cool guys like you in high school. You know what happened to them? They peaked at 17 and the rest of their lives were all downhll from there, so go ahead homeboy, protect your big reputation while you can. I'd hate to see you're gonna be 5 years from now. :'''Jason''': I have an early admission to Stanford. :'''George''': You couldn't get into any schools around here, could you? Alright, what about 10 years from now, fool? :'''Jason''': I hope to open a charitable organization to assist people in wheelchairs. :'''George''': Tired of driving your brother around huh? Selfish, you disgust me. <hr width=50%/> :'''George''': (knocks on Carmen's door) Carmen, I wanna talk to you. :'''Carmen''': Go away, I already told Mom I don't want to talk about it. :'''George''': I talked to Jason. :'''Carmen''': (opens door) What did you say to him? :'''George''': Don't worry, I told him it was over and he couldn't see you again. :'''Carmen''': Why would you do that? :'''George''': I'm helping you! You know what he said to me? He said he couldn't be seen with you because you're not one of the popular girls. :'''Carmen''': That was our deal. :'''George''': ...What?! :'''Carmen''': He was trying to protect me. Jason is super popular. If the popular girls found out we were dating, they'd be really mean to me. So when other people were around, we"d pretend not to know each other. He didn't want me to get hurt. :'''George''': Oh, well, thank God there's a logical explanation, I mean I thought you were being used. You're right, he is sweet. :'''Carmen''': You just don't understand. :'''George''': Carmen, this kid doesn't care about you, he's embarrassed to be seen with you! Where's your self respect? :'''Carmen''': I'm gonna call him. :'''George''': No. :'''Carmen''': Yes. (reaches for the phone) :'''George''': Carmen, NO. (snatches phone away) Listen. Your mother was a lot more popular than me but she took me everywhere. No matter how ashamed she was. :'''Carmen''': I'm gonna see Jason again. :'''George''': Where? He won't be seen with you in public, Carmen, and he's not coming here. :'''Carmen''': He'll find a way. :(puts on headphones) :'''George''': (under his breath) Man, sometimes you're dumber than the dog. (leaves room) :'''Carmen''': The song ended. :'''George''': (turns around) ...Love you. <hr width=50%/> :'''George''': [to Carmen] You want to see what happens when you start dating boys too early? [points at Benny] That! :'''Benny''': You know what, I wasn't so much dating boys at 15 as.... :'''George''': Mom! :'''Benny''': Having sex with them. What did you think I was gonna say? <hr width='50%'> === Split Decision [3.06] === === ''No One Gets Out Alive'' [3.07] === === ''Bringing Home The Bacon'' [3.08] === === ''Fishing Cubans'' [3.09] === === ''Would You Like a Drumstick or a Kidney?'' [3.10] === === ''Mementos'' [3.11] === === ''Christmas Punch'' [3.12] === === ''Why You Crying?'' [3.13] === :'''Max''': (to Benny after she threw his ball away from him): You know, I got a better idea. Why don't you take your tired ass home?! (Benny slaps Max on his face in front of his friends) === ''The Trouble with Ricky'' [3.14] === :'''George''': What's Ricky doing here? You know he's not allowed in the house. :'''Max''': I know, but he needed a ride to the game. :'''Ricky''': Mr. Lopez, can't you forgive me? :'''George''': Forgive you? You burned down my garage! <hr width=50%/> :'''George''': You did it this time, Max. You're grounded for sneaking Ricky in the house. :'''Angie''': He's already grounded for skateboarding in the house. :'''George''': All right, then no video games for a month. :'''Angie''': We took them away for eavesdropping on the phone calls. :'''George''': Allowance? :'''Angie''': Took it away when they burned down the garage. :'''George''': Okay, you leave me no choice. For the rest of the month... You're not allowed to use your hands. <hr width=50%/> :''[after Max and Ricky drove George's car into the backyard]'' :'''George''': How the hell did that happen? :'''Max''': Well, we were trying to surprise you and wash your car, but the hose is too short. I love you, Dad. :'''George''': Look, I want the truth. :'''Ricky''': Okay. Here's what happened. We ditched school. But it was lucky because two gangbangers were stealing your car. We scared them away. But when we tried to put the car back in the driveway, we crashed, so I guess you're welcome, Mr. Lopez. :'''George''': ''[to Max]'' You, you're going back to school. We'll deal with this tonight. ''[to Ricky]'' And you, you're out of here, man. I'm taking you back to your mother. And say goodbye to Max. Because that's the last time you're gonna see him. Do you know you could've killed someone? :'''Ernie''': Wow. Hey, your mom sits out here. What if she was in that chair? :'''George''': Don't try to cheer me up. <hr width=50%/> :''[George, Ernie and Ricky arrive at the apartment]'' :'''George''': Hey, you two wait here. I wanna talk to his mom alone. :'''Ernie''': All right. :''[George leaves them and goes to find Tammy]'' :'''Ernie''': You know, that was a pretty stupid stunt you two pulled. :'''Ricky''': I know. Do you think he'll ever let me see Max again? :'''Ernie''': He's pretty mad, Ricky. :'''Ricky''': Max is my best friend. :'''Ernie''': Hey, you know what? Once George cools down, I'll try and talk to him, all right? :'''Ricky''': Thanks, Ernie. You ever do anything like this when you were a kid? :'''Ernie''': ''[chuckling]'' Actually, yeah. One time, George and I broke into school with a whole bunch of spray paint, and we... Made a banner that said, "Learning is cool." Whoo! Those were the days, man. ''[chuckling]'' === ''God Needles George'' [3.15] === === ''Benny and Randy'' [3.16] === === ''Weekend at Benny's'' [3.17] === === ''Jason Tutors Max'' [3.18] === === ''Angie Gets Tanked'' [3.19] === === ''The Art of Boxing'' [3.20] === === ''George's House of Cards'' [3.21]=== George to Max George: Max let me in the garage Max: Grandpa said not to let anyone in his garage George: Max this is my garage, Max I swear I'll drop you off to school in my underwear in my lowrider Max: Cool can I go to school in my underwear too George: Give me the combination Max: Okay 42-16-23 George: Hold on Max: Wait maybe it's 24-61-32 George: There's no 61 Max: Okay 42-32-16 darn it 23-15-32 no George: He gave a combination to a dyslexia fifth grader, the man is an a evil genius === ''Dance Fever'' [3.22] === === ''She Drives Me Crazy'' [3.23] === === ''George Goes to Disneyland'' [3.24] === === ''Bachelor Party'' [3.25] === === ''Wrecking Ball'' [3.26] === === ''What George Doesn't Noah...'' [3.27] === : ''[Zack climbs into Carmen's room and sits on her bed]'' :'''Zack''': Morning. :'''Carmen''': Zack, what are you doing here? My dad's still home. :'''Zack''': I wanted to take you to school. :'''Carmen''': No, no, Noah's coming over to pick me up. My parents totally believe he's my boyfriend. Zack, don't blow this. :'''Zack''': Relax. We'll call him on the way, come on. :'''Carmen''': All right, fine, I'll meet you at the end of the block. Now go, get out. :'''Zack''': Hey, how come you never wear this tube top for me? :'''Carmen''': That's a headband. :'''Zack''': Fine. Then put this thong on. :'''Carmen''': That's a shoelace. :'''Zack''': Work with me. <hr width=50%/> :'''George''': Carmen, there's no easy way to say this. Your boyfriend's in the closet. :'''Carmen''': Oh my god. :'''George''': Look, I know, I don't like it either. But just because Noah's gay... ''[Zack is shocked and hides back in the closet]'' Okay... It has nothing to do with you. Okay, this doesn't mean that you're ugly or stupid. He was just using you to hide something that he doesn't know how to deal with. <hr width=50%/> :'''Noah''': Hey, Mr. and Mrs. Lopez, is Carmen ready? :'''Angie''': She just left. :'''George''': You know, Noah, I went to see ''A Walk in the Tuscan Meadow'' last night. Saw the whole thing. :'''Noah''': Didn't you love the ending when the cheesemaker comes home from war, but he can't make cheese anymore because he lost his arms? But then his son shows up and says, "Papa, I'll be your hands." : ''[he and Angie feel relieved]'' :'''George''': Yeah, that was really moving, but I meant the gay horseplay. :'''Noah''': What? :'''Angie''': Mr. Lopez saw you... Being very friendly with another boy. :'''George''': Okay, we talked to Carmen, and it's all out in the open, okay? So nobody has to sneak around anymore. :'''Noah''': Well, thank god, 'cause I thought you'd be mad at Carmen. :'''Angie''': Why would we be mad at her? She can't help who she falls for. :'''Noah''': Because she was sure you guys would freak if you knew she was seeing Zack. :'''Angie''': Zack? :'''George''': Zack Powers? :'''Noah''': Um, actually... :'''George''': Wait, wait, wait, wait! She was seeing Zack Powers behind our back, and you were her cover? : ''[after Noah said that Carmen is really dating Zack Powers and attempts to excuse himself]'' :'''Noah''': Look, I'm really sorry about this. I mean, you guys are so nice to me and your mother, I really enjoyed meeting your mother, she was-- :'''George''': ''[interrupting]'' Enough of your lies! Out! I enjoyed meeting your mother, Ta Loca. I enjoyed meeting your mother. === ''Now George Noahs Ex-Zack-Ly What Happened'' [3.28] === :'''Carmen''': I don't believe you! :'''Benny''': Showtime, monkeys! :'''Carmen''': You can't threaten my boyfriend! :'''George''': The fake, gay, cover boyfriend, or the boyfriend you've been seeing behind our backs for a month? :'''Carmen''': You read my diary?! I hate you! :'''George''': I know! It's written on every page in here. ''[reads the diary]'' "I hate Dad! God, I hate Dad!" "Hey, old lady! Hang up the miniskirt! You're not 15 anymore!" ''[to Angie]'' Oh, that one's about you. :'''Carmen''': You had no right to read this. :'''Angie''': You've lost all your rights by lying to us, and if we have to look in your diary to find the truth about Zack, we'll do it. :'''Carmen''': Oh, you wanna know the truth?! Well, here it is! I'm dating Zack because I love him and he loves me too! :'''Angie''': Carmen, he doesn't love you. He's just using you. :'''George''': Look, he told me he was gonna dump you as soon as he gets you into bed. Wake up! :'''Carmen''': You're lying! You hate him so much, you'd say anything to keep us apart! :'''George''': Yeah? Did I make up that he vandalized the factory? That he got a girl pregnant? :'''Angie''': He didn't respect the girl enough to be safe. :'''Carmen''': No, no, no. You guys don't understand Zack. His dad was never there for him, and his mom's a bitter, old drunk. You have no idea what that's like. : ''[George thinks how Zack's life is just like his life and he looks at Benny who feels guilty. She tries to hide her beer behind her purse]'' :'''George''': ''[to Benny]'' You wanna field that one? ''[to Carmen]'' Okay, you know what? End of discussion. Okay, we did not raise you this far so you can screw up your life with Zack, so there is no way in hell that you are ever gonna see him again! :'''Carmen''': You can't stop me, 'cause I'm almost 16. I'm almost a woman. I can do whatever I want. :'''George''': Not as long as you live in this house. Okay, if you don't like it here, go live somewhere else. :'''Angie''': George, please calm down. :'''George''': Look, I'm not gonna calm down, Angie! I'm tired of her disrespecting us! ''[to Carmen]'' Go see what it's like out there! Send us a postcard! :'''Angie''': George! :'''George''': And don't expect me to come looking for you! :'''Carmen''': I wish you weren't my dad. == Season 4 == === ''George Searches for a Needle in a Haight-Stack'' [4.01] === :'''George''': [to Carmen] You're not going out tonight. :'''Carmen''': I get it, it's too soon. I'll just go to bed, but I want you to know things aren't the same. I partied with Chingy and I shared a sandwich with a homeless guy. I've done it all. So no more curfews, no more rules, I'm an adult and tomorrow night, I'm going out. :'''George''': [to Angie] She's right. Things aren't the same. They're worse. <hr width="50%"/> :'''George''': [to Carmen] You were in hotel rooms. Don't think I'm going to believe nothing happened. :'''Carmen''': Nothing did happen! You want to take me to a doctor and get me tested? I'm still a virgin. :'''George''': We'll go to the doctor. It's 9:00 at night, We'll go to the emergency room. :'''Carmen''': Dad, I didn't do anything! :'''George''': Don't lie to me! :'''Carmen''': I didn't! You raised me better that that! :'''George''': No, I didn't. I was never there, I was always busy, I was too hard on you. :'''Carmen''': Yeah, you were. And every time Zack tried to get me to do something with him, I heard you tell me, "Don't do anything you'd be embarrassed to tell me or your mother about." <hr width="50%"/> :'''George''': Carmen, get your stuff. I'm taking you home. :'''Carmen''': No. No, I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying with my friends. :'''George''': Friends? How do you even know all these people? :'''Carmen''': Well, Zack broke up with me in a club and I was crying in the bathroom and one of Chingy's dancers was there to cheer me up, so we just started hanging. :'''George''': Who's Chingy? [everyone in the room looks at George weirdly] :'''Carmen''': Who's Chingy?! I can't believe you. His videos are on all the time. "Balla Baby"? "Holidae Inn"? :''' Vic''': Hey, George ,you find Carmen yet? Hey, what's Chingy doing here? <hr width="50%"/> :''[after Max went upstairs to bed]'' :'''George''': [to Carmen] All right. What the hell happened out there? :'''Angie''': Now is not the time, George. :'''Carmen''': It's none of your business anyway. :'''George''': Everything you do is my business. :'''Carmen''': You have issues. :'''George''': You're damn right I have issues. Look, I tried to give you everything I never had and you run away from it. :'''Carmen''': Oh, yeah. I have everything. I have a father and a mother who treat me like a baby and control everything I do. :'''George''': Carmen, you're lucky you have parents who care. Look, I didn't have a dad and I prayed that my mom would come home at 6:00 so I could see her before bedtime. If I was lucky, she came home drunk with the spins, so she'd have to hold on to me! That was my hug! :'''Angie''': George! Remember the literature? She's home safe and sound. We should be happy now. :'''George''': Look, Angie, don't try to pretend like everything's alright. Okay, it wasn't alright when last night you were crying. :'''Carmen''': Maybe you should've thought of that when you told me to leave. :'''Angie''': Stop it! We all need to give each other time to accept... [''reaches for her brochure in her back pocket, reads it, then puts it back'']... to accept the reunification process. === ''Landlord Almighty'' [4.02] === :'''Carmen''' [about the mannequin sticking out of her bedroom wall]: The mannequin represents my spirit trying to get out of a spiritual prison. :'''George''': Is your spirit so dumb it can't use the door? <hr width='50%'> :'''Carmen''': You know, I still have my bag packed upstairs. :'''Angie''': Then go get it. :'''Carmen''': You don't mean that. :'''Angie''': Yeah, I do, because having you stay out all night at parties is no different than having you run away. === ''George of the Rings'' [4.03] === :'''Max''': [to George] If you can't afford to buy Mom the ring, why don't you just tell her the truth? :'''George''': Max, someday you'll meet a woman and you will disappoint her. You'll lie and you'll feel bad, and that's how you know it's love. Now say goodbye to your bike and go do your homework. <hr width='50%'> :[Vic arrives in the backyard and George gets his attention] :'''George''': Hey, Vic. :'''Vic''': Ah. :'''George''': Hold up. [goes into the garage and gets a putter] Hey, man, I know you're having trouble with your game. How would you like my lucky putter? :'''Vic''': I can't just take your lucky putter, George, come on. :'''George''': You're right, give me $1,000. :'''Vic''': $1,000? What's going on? Money problems again? :'''George''': Angie picked out this ring I can't afford, and she thinks I'm gonna get it for her. :'''Vic''': George, George. A ring means nothing. I gave my wife a three-carat stone. But that didn't stop her from cheating on me. She even threw the ring at me during counseling when I called her a mattress-hopping whore frog. In Spanish, that is devastating. :'''George''': You know, it's horrible when a marriage falls apart. Hey, did-did-did-did you keep that ring? :'''Vic''': Yeah. I'm gonna use it to scratch "fornicator" on her coffin. So the devil knows which line to put her in. :'''George''': Look, Vic, that ring obviously has a lot of bad memories for you, but if you gave it to me, and I give it to Angie, that would make your daughter happy. That would make a good memory. :'''Vic''': But, she would know it's her mother's ring? :'''George''': No, no, she won't. I'll take the stone-- I'll put it in a new setting. :'''Vic''': Ah. :'''George''': Hey, hey, hey. When we got married, we couldn't afford a decent wedding, and you didn't help us. This would make up for that 100 times over. :[Vic thinks for a minute] :'''Vic''': Okay, George. Because it will make my daughter happy, I will give you the ring. :'''George''': Oh, man. Thanks, Vic. This means a lot to me. :'''Vic''': And I will take the putter, your table saw, and your power drill. :'''George''': [sits down] Deal. :'''Vic''': I'm not finished. [taps George's left shoe with the putter] What size shoe are you? <hr width='50%'> :[George goes into the kitchen and Vic closes the patio door] :'''Vic''': Change of plans, don't give her the ring. :'''George''': What? I just gave it to her. What do you think ''this'' was about, that shirt? :'''Vic''': You got me this for Christmas. :'''George''': Hey. [does a thumbs up] What's going on? :'''Vic''': Well, last night, I did something very stupid. I went to Happy Hour at Baja Beach, and you know, they got those giant margaritas. :'''George''': Get to the point. :'''Vic''': Well, I was drunk. So I called Angie's mother and told her I gave her diamond to a younger woman. :'''George''': What?! :'''Vic''': Oh, the whole bar cheered for me, man. [does a crazy dance and chanting] Whore frog! Whore frog! Whore frog! :'''George''': Vic! :'''Vic''': Sorry, George. Legally, the ring is hers from the ceruman that she demanded it back. :'''George''': Oh, man, the ring is Angie's now. Tell Emilina you lost it, tha-tha-tha-that someone stole it. :'''Vic''': Hey. If I don't give that ring back to Emilina, I would have to pay her $30,000. :'''George''': Good. You stay calm, you came up with the solution. Nice work, Vic. :'''Vic''': George. I have no choice. If you don't tell her, I will have to. === ''Home Sweet Homeschool'' [4.04] === :'''Angie''': [to George] You saw me in my dress before I hid, didn't you? That's when the bad luck started! :'''George''': Sure, Angie. I ruined our string of bad luck with our dyslexic son, our runaway daughter and my mother who shows no sign of aging or disease whatsoever [Benny walks by coughing] A window just opened! <hr width='50%'> :'''Angie''': [about homeschooling Carmen] Well, George, I do have time now because I'm not working. :'''George''': But homeschooling, Angie, that's a big commitment. Remember that special moment every morning when Carmen finally leaves for school and you say, "Thank god she's gone!"? You won't have that anymore! <hr width='50%'> :'''George''': [to Angie] You know what you always say to me when I'm down? A door may have closed, but a window just opened. :'''Angie''': Am I really that annoying? :'''George''': Let's not go there while you're down. <hr width='50%'> === ''Leave It to Lopez'' [4.05] === :'''Benny''': (as Rosie the Robot in the Jetsons sketch) Here I am, Mrs. J. I was just watching my favorite soap opera, "The Young and the Rustless." [laughs] <hr width='50%'> :'''Doctor''': (in the Munsters' sketch, listening to George's heart) Your heart is as healthy as a horse's. :'''George''': (as Herman) It should be. It won the Kentucky Derby. <hr width='50%'> :'''George''': (as Ward Cleaver, to Max) I'm not going to die. I eat red meat three times a day and smoke like a chimney just like the doctor says. <hr width='50%'> === ''Sk8r Boyz'' [4.06] === :'''Angie''': [to Max] I know middle school can be tough, but remember bullies are just friends who don't realize how special you are. :'''George''': What kind of crap are you teaching him?! No wonder kids of all races are coming together to beat up Max! <hr width='50%'> :[As Angie tries to prevent Max from doing a dangerous skateboarding trick in the backyard with his friends] :'''Angie''': [to Max] You remember the song Sammy the Skater sang? [sings] "You can still be rad with a helmet and some elbow pads." :'''George''': Órale, Angie. You know what other song Sammy the Skater sang? [sings in the tune of "Pop Goes the Weasel"] "Shut up, shut up. You're making it worse. Now meet me in the kitchen." <hr width='50%'> :'''George''': Last year, Max waited up for Santa. This year, he and his friends are going to wait on the roof and jack his sleigh. And God only knows what Carmen's going to do with the elves. <hr width='50%'> === ''The Simple Life'' [4.07] === :'''Winnie''': [about her daughter] Do you know why I call her Lil' Bit? Cuz she's just my little bit of heaven. :'''Lil' Bit''': [to Angie] Nice to meet you, ma'am. :'''George''': (to Carmen and Max) You hear that? She calls your mother "ma'am" and not just cause she's old, but out of respect too. <hr width='50%'> :'''Lil' Bit''': [to Max] You know why they call me Lil' Bit? I won't do everything, but I'll do a lil' bit. <hr width='50%'> === ''Trouble in Paradise'' [4.08] === :'''George''': [to Benny] You behave yourself or else all I have to do is shove you outside, yell "WILD BOAR!" and wait for the shooting to start. Then I'll have you mounted so the high school football team can rub your snout for good luck <hr width='50%'> :[''When Carmen shows up for Thanksgiving dinner drunk''] :'''Winnie''': Angie, your daughter's stinking drunk. :'''Carmen''': I sure 'yam, but what else is there to do here except drink? Unless you want to make out with some tramp behind the Canyon Mart. [sees Lil' Bit] Hey, you're here! <hr width='50%'> :'''George''': Our kids didn't get in this alone. Somebody gave my son a hickey and somebody gave my 15-year-old daughter beer. :'''Carmen''': You can get it anywhere around here, Dad. Everybody drinks and nobody cards you. :'''Winnie''': I'll have you know my oldest son has never had alcohol. :'''Carmen''': Pot head! :'''Winnie''': So that's where the ice cream is going. <hr width='50%'> === ''E. I., E. I.? Oh'' [4.09] === :'''George''': [to Benny] Just find the end of a pencil and hop on it, troll! <hr width='50%'> === ''A Clear and Presentless Danger'' [4.10] === :'''Benny''': You know, when I was a kid, I got a black eye for Christmas and I said thank you. <hr width='50%'> === ''Prescription for Trouble'' [4.11] === :''[When Carmen wants George to buy her a car for her 16th birthday]'' :'''Carmen''': Grandma, how old were you when your parents got you a car? [''Benny laughs''] Okay, Dad. How old were you when Grandma got you a car? ['''George and Benny both laugh''] Okay, okay. None of you got cars, but aren't you supposed to want better for your kids? :'''George''' [breaks out into laughter] HAA!! Hey, ask me how much I'm gonna spend on your wedding! [''Benny laughs''] <hr width='50%'> :''[As Carmen is all dressed up for her school debate]'' :'''Carmen''': I'm gonna distract Jason with my body and destroy him with my mind. :'''Benny''': Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. I've distracted with my body. Hell, I've destroyed with my body. I remember one time when I distracted one guy while I destroyed the other. :'''George''': I remember that day. You forgot to put a sock on the front door and I walked in on you. That was not a good Mother's Day for me. <hr width='50%'> :'''George''' [to Jason] I want you to admit it. You're pushing my daughter to have sex. :'''Jason''': I haven't even brought it up. :'''George''': Don't lie to me. :'''Jason''': I'm not. I swear. :'''George''': Then why did she ask us for birth control pills? :'''Jason''': [in an excited tone] Really, she asked for birth control? No way! [George gives him a look] No way you should allow her to have those. No. :'''George''': So this wasn't your idea? :'''Jason''': Look, Mr. Lopez. I'm walking on eggshells with Carmen as it is, all right? I would never do anything to pressure her. I'm just glad she took me back. :'''George''': Damn! So it was her idea. All this time, I've been worried about boys pressuring her. I even told her all the tricks that guys would use to get her in bed. Oh, my God, I gave her a playbook! No matter what she says, nobody likes to just lie there naked and hug. <hr width='50%'> === ''Friends Don't Let Friends Marry Drunks'' [4.12] === :'''Angie''': [about Tammy taking a pregnancy test] The test was positive, but she's not. There were a few guys right before him. :'''Benny''': And Ernie was the prize?! What sideshow must have been going on in her bedroom? <hr width='50%'> :'''George''': Mom, are you pregnant? :'''Benny''': Screw you! The one day I go without my control tops and I got to hear lip from my kid! <hr width='50%'> :'''George''': I think Ernie needs to know before he shows up in the delivery room and there's four other guys there with camcorders. <hr width='50%'> === ''George to the 3rd Power'' [4.13] === :'''George''': [to Carmen when Max complains about his braces] You're just jealous we fixed his problem, but we can't fix the problem with your legs. :'''Carmen''': What's wrong with my legs? :'''George''': Nothing if they come with coleslaw and biscuits, chicken legs! <hr width='50%'> :'''Dr. Holland''': Kids learn how to deal with pain from watching their parents. Do either of you overreact to the slightest discomfort? :'''George''': Hey, I know pain. I had to deal with being abandoned by my father and not being abandoned by my mother. <hr width='50%'> === ''George Gets Assisterance'' [4.14] === :'''Linda''': [to George] What are my real mother and father like? :'''George''': Well, our father's easy. He ran out on Mom before you were born. I didn't know him, but I tracked him down last year. I punched him in the face, he asked me for a kidney and he died. :'''Linda''': And my mother? :'''George''': Oh, yeah. She's kind of hard to describe in just a few words. She's a short, bitter, drunk. Actually, that covers it. ---- :'''Linda''': [after finding out she was adopted] I woke up this morning and I was the only child of two loving, Italian parents. Now it's 11:00 p.m. and I'm a Mexican. ---- :'''Max''': What's going on? :'''Angie''': Uh, you know how, uh, sometimes strangers come by and we find out they're related to your dad? Uh...uh, this is one of those nights. Go. :'''Max''': [as he goes upstairs] Carmen, they found another one! === ''Sabes Quake'' [4.15] === :''[When everyone rushes out of the house]'' :'''Benny''': You big babies. It was just an aftershock. [''several plates almost fall on her''] What the hell? [''another plate falls next to her''] :'''George''': What's with the plates? Come on, God, quit teasing me! Tip over the fridge! Take her out! <hr width='50%'> === ''George Takes A Stroll Down Memory Pain'' [4.16] === :[''After Benny takes out a wad of cash from a book''] :'''Angie''': Benny, how much money is this? :'''Benny''': $5,000, but you better not tell anyone what's in this book because I could kill you with what's in that book. <hr width='50%'> === ''George Buys a Vow'' [4.17] === :'''George''': Angie, when we first got married, I thought to myself that I don't deserve you. Now, after eighteen amazing years, I know that I don't. I'm the luckiest guy in the world, Angie and I love you. And if you would just stop trying to go golfing with me and realize that it's my time away from you, we would have the perfect marriage. <hr width='50%'> === ''George Watcha's Out for Jason'' [4.18] === :''[When George and Angie learn that Jason's parents abandoned him]'' :'''Angie''': Well, what kind of parents just leave their kid and then go off to live in another country? That can't be legal. :'''George''': No, it's not. It's called abandonment. At least that's what the cops said they dragged my mom back from Tijuana and made her untie me from the lemon tree. <hr width='50%'> :'''George''': Where's Carmen? :'''Angie''': At the library. :'''George''': Oh yeah? How do you know she didn't sneak over to Jason's house? :'''Angie''': Because she sent me a picture of her from the library on her cell phone. (hands cell phone to George) :'''George''': Man, I wish they had these when I was a kid. Mom I woulda sent a picture to Social Services of you hitting me. :'''Benny''': Come on, if you couldn't hold on to your sippy cup when I smacked you, what makes you think you could've held onto a phone? <hr width=50%/> :(phone rings, Angie answers it) :'''Angie''': Hello?.....Carmen, slow down, what happened? Okay, we're on our way. (hangs up phone) :'''George''': What is it? :'''Angie''': Carmen and Jason just got arrested. :'''George''': What?! I thought you said she was at the library! :'''Angie''': She lied to us. There was a party at Jason's house and somebody brought drugs. :'''George''': Lemme see the camera phone. :(Angie hands over the phone, George takes a picture of Benny) :'''Benny''': Hey, what's that for? :'''George''': I'm gonna show her what a hard life of partying does, show me your ankles. :'''Benny''': Get out, get out. (angrily chases them out of the house) <hr width=50%/> :'''George''': Drugs, Carmen?! :'''Carmen''': Dad, I can explain. I didn't do any drugs. :'''George''': Let me guess, you were at the party and the drugs just happened to show up. :'''Carmen''': Yes! :'''George''': Is that you talking or the monkey on your back? How many colors do you see, huh junkie? :'''Angie''': George, stop it. STOP IT. (pulls Carmen aside) Carmen, what really happened? :'''Carmen''': Well, some guys from another school came and crashed the party, and started smoking pot and then the cops came and nobody would admit the drugs were theirs so they brought us all in for questioning. :'''George''': Oh, honey, why didn't you just say so? Now I believe you. :(flashes a flashlight in her face) :'''George''': Hurts, doesn't it, junkie?! :'''Angie''': George! :'''George''': Angie, her pupils are huge! :'''Angie''': They're dark brown, that's the way they always look. :'''George''': Really? They're not green? <hr width=50%/> :'''Carmen''': What's gonna happen to Jason? :'''Officer''': Well if there's nobody to release him to, he'll probably end up in a group home. :'''Carmen''': (turns to George, worried) Dad, a group home! :'''George''': Oh c'mon Carmen, that sounds like fun! Bunk beds, sing-a-longs. ''[sings]'' Drive-bys are bad! Come on, making a quilt with the names of your fallen homies. "Gimme a sequin so I can put a teardrop on Spider." <hr width='50%'> :'''Carmen''': (to the police officer) Excuse me, when is Jason McNamara gonna be released? :'''Officer''': He's not. He's a minor and his parents are out of the country. We have no one to release him to. :'''Carmen''': Jason can't spend the night in jail! :'''George''': I spent the night in jail once and nothing happened to me. :'''Carmen''': It's not the same, Dad, Jason's pretty! <hr width='50%'> === ''George's Grand Slam'' [4.19] === :'''Carmen''': Things are pretty good right now. :'''Kenzie''': No, they're not. You're Mexican. You're in pain. Your people have been raped and pillaged by the conquistadores. I am so jealous. :'''George''': What are you talking about? She was born in Burbank. She's got her own car and a closet full of clothes. You want to see a Mexican suffering, come back when I have to pay her cell phone bill. <hr width='50%'> :'''Kenzie''': [to Carmen] You're just going to wait on them like that? You know they're only asking you because you're a girl. That's so sexist. :'''George''': You know what's funny, Kenzie? I ask Carmen something and sound comes out of your mouth. :'''Kenzie''': It is so sad. So much head and so little in it. I can hear it rattle. <hr width='50%'> :'''George''': I never pushed Carmen. :'''Benny''': George, you can't win. If you push kids and they fail, then it's your fault. And if you push kids and they succeed... actually, I don't know what that's like. <hr width='50%'> === ''George Needs Anchor Management'' [4.20] === :'''George''': Look, Angie is the most important thing in my life and I'm not going to let some rich, good-looking dude make a move on her. God, I drove her to this. You know, last night, she was wearing the avocado mask and rollers. She had a little leg stubble. I should've just pictured Salma Hayek and went for it. <hr width='50%'> :'''Vic''': [to Angie about Spencer Vogel] I paid him $10,000 to break it off with you and never see you again. :'''Angie''': You paid him to get out of my life? How dare you! :'''George''': Yeah, how dare you! Hey, man, you hated my guts and you never offered me a dime. <hr width='50%'> === ''George's Relatively Bad Idea'' [4.21] === :'''George''': Angie, there's something you need to know about your dad. Linda, he kissed our mommy. And I'm not talking about a peck on the cheek. I'm talking full-on mustache to mustache! :'''Linda''': What?! :'''Angie''': Daddy? :'''Vic''' [to Benny] You told! :'''Benny''': No, it was Ernie. :'''Ernie''': Hey, hey. I only told because it wasn't fair, all right? The only reason George let him go out with Linda is because Vic paid him two thousand dollars! :'''George''': Dude! :'''Angie''': What?! :'''Linda''': You pimped me out for two thousand dollars?! :'''George''': Why you gotta say it like that, negative? <hr width='50%'> :'''Vic''': [to George] I want to date your sister and I'm going to. :'''George''': No, you're not because I forbid it! :'''Vic''': Forbid?! Oh, no, no, no, no, no. You do not use that word on Victor Garcia Lantigua Palmero. Castro forbid me from leaving the island, but I did it! My parents forbid me from marrying Emilina, but I did it! The president of my condo association forbid me from having pets, but I feed stray cats every night! I do what I want! <hr width='50%'> === ''George's Extreme Makeover: Holmes Edition'' [4.22] === === ''George Stare-oids Down Jason'' [4.23] === :''[After George catches Jason in Carmen's room and suspects the two of them had sex]'' :'''Jason''': Mr. Lopez, you took me into your house. I wouldn't betray you like that. Besides, you'd be able to hear us. I mean, we can hear everything you're doing. :'''Angie''' [to George] You had to be a screamer. <hr width='50%'> :'''Vic''' [about Jason's behavior] Mood swings, aggressiveness, smashing things. Either he's doing drugs or he's my ex-wife. <hr width='50%'> :'''Carmen''' [to George about Jason's father] Why does Jason keep trying to please him? Nothing he ever does is good enough for him. :'''George''': When you grow up without love, you'll do anything for it. When I was a kid, I considered lighting myself on fire so my mom would wrap me in a blanket and hug me. :'''Carmen''': That's awful. You and Mom love me unconditionally, right? :'''George''': We won't know until you're on fire. <hr width='50%'> === ''George Negoti-ate It'' [4.24] === :'''Vic''': Okay, who wants their buns toasted? <hr width='50%'> :'''George''': Wish me luck. I'm off to broker my first deal as an agent. :'''Angie''': What's in the briefcase? :'''George''': Breath mints and a little black comb. <hr width='50%'> == Season 5 == === ''George Gets a Pain in the Ash'' [5.01] === :'''Angie''': (to Benny): Benny...Your house caught on fire. :'''Benny''': What? :'''George''': We thought you were dead, Mom, Your house burnt down! :'''Benny''': That's not funny! :'''George''': We're not kidding! The fireman said it started in the bedroom. Did you leave a cigarette burning? :'''Benny''': No! I'm not an idiot! I put the cigarette out on the ashtray and I dumped the ashtray in the trash can! :'''George''': The trash can by the drapes? :'''Benny''':...Dammit! (Turns to Angie) "Happy Mother's Day, Benny. Hope you enjoy these FLAMMABLE DRAPES!" :'''George''' (to Carmen): There's no way you're gettin' married. :'''Carmen''': Fine, then I'll just get pregnant and move to Georgia (breaks into a Southern accent) 'cuz I don't need y'all's consent to get married there. :'''George''': (about Carmen) Angie, tell me you had an affair with Garth Brooks and that she's not mine! === ''You Dropped a Mom on Me'' [5.02] === :[While Ernie is reading notes to Benny about her house] :'''Ernie''': (first letter) You had it coming. (second letter) You deserve it. (third letter) What the hell does God have to do to finish you off. (fourth letter) I hope you get another house... :'''Angie''': That's not bad. :'''Ernie''' (continuing the letter): But this time, paint the windows shut so you burn inside like the wicked witch you are. :'''George''': Who signed that? I want to send them a Christmas card. :'''Ernie''': Actually the whole neighborhood signed it, like a petition. Whatcha! :'''Carmen''': When Jason said he'd love me forever, he meant forever. :'''Max''': When he said that, was your shirt on or off? :'''Angie''': Upstairs! :'''Max''': It matters... === ''George's Dog Days of Bummer'' [5.03] === :'''Benny''' (to George): I haven't seen you that scared since that Halloween when I chased you around the house with a knife! :'''George''': That might've been funny on Halloween, but it was Easter. :'''George''': I'm glad you aren't going to work anymore. I don't need any of my coworkers knowing I got chased by a dog. :'''Benny''': Well, that ends tomorrow, because I'm going to tell everyone at work about how my little girl, was running out of the house because she was being chased by a teacup poodle! :'''George''': That thing's a hundred pound killer! :'''Benny''': Not in my story. === ''George Drives the Batmobile'' [5.04] === :'''Clown Head''': How can I "hell" you? :'''Benny''': (to George) I would like a cheesburger. (looks at George and clown head) Wait, I'm talking to the wrong clown head. :(everyone laughs except George) : ''[George is talking to Benny about his childhood]'' : '''George''': I can't believe the only reason you wouldn't let me drive when I was a kid was because you were afraid of me getting hurt. Is that why you wouldn't let me play football? : '''Benny''': George, for a helmet to fit your head... they would have had to take out the padding. Now, at the time, I was already growing vegetables in the garden; I didn't want one walking around my house. === ''Trick or Treat Me Right'' [5.05] === :'''George''': Where's my work? :'''Benny''': Don't you remember my rules? :'''George''': What rules? :'''Benny''': I only tell you once to clear the table. If you don't, you're asking me to throw out your stuff. :'''George''': You threw out my work?! :'''Benny''': Yep. Maybe next time, you'll remember my rules. :'''George''': Hey. This is my house. I make the rules. :'''Benny:''' Oh sure you do. :'''George:''' Mom stand still, we're talking about this. :'''Benny:''' Talk all you want, I will pretend to listen. :'''George''': Mom don't ignore me. :'''Benny''': [''looking through refrigerator''] let's see. What goes good with chicken? I don't know. :[''George takes handcuffs, places one link on handle bar, and the other on benny's right hand, cuffing her to the fridge''] :'''Benny''': George, what the hell are you?! George! :'''George''': [''yelling''] You're gonna stand there and you're gonna listen to me! Stop treating me like a kid! Stop calling me names! I'm a grown man, and if I want to, I can leave my papers anywhere! And I pay the bills around here, so if I want to leave the lights on, I can! [''starts turning on kitchen appliances''] And the mixer, and the toaster, and the blender, and the food processor, and the microwave! And you know why?! I can afford it all, because I'm not a failure, I'm a big success! :[''electricity in the house goes off and kitchen is dark. George finds flashlight and shines it in Benny's face''] :'''George''': I'm a big, big success! :[''Angie, Carmen, and Max walk into the dark house''] :'''Angie''': George? :'''George''': (to Angie) I'm glad you're home. Do you know your father has a drug problem? === ''George Takes a Sentimental Ernie'' [5.06] === :'''Benny''' [to George]: That's real passionate. Did you come up with that last night when you were spooning with Ernie? :'''George''': Look, that was an accident! But at least I can keep a man in my bed. That's right. When Ernie gets up to go to the bathroom, he comes back! <hr width='50%'> === ''George Finds Therapy Benny-ficial'' [5.07] === :'''Angie''' [about Max's behavior after a school shooting]: He's completely desensitized. He acts like the shooting didn't affect him at all. :'''George''': What, would you rather him being shaking and crying? He's handling it the Lopez way. :'''Angie''': How do you do that? :'''George''': We block it out. <hr width='50%'> :'''Angie''' [to George who is curled up under the blankets] Are you naked under there? :'''George''': No. :'''Angie''': Then why are your pajamas on the floor? :'''George''': Why are kids shooting kids? Nothing makes sense anymore. <hr width='50%'> :'''Benny''': George, you remember when you use to wet the bed? :'''George''': It was the only hot water we had. <hr width='50%'> === ''George Tries to Write a Wrong'' [5.08] === === ''George Discovers Benny's Sili-Con Job'' [5.09] === :'''Angie''' [about Benny's breast implants]: She got implants? :'''George''': These aren't implants. The cast of "Lost" is trying to find their way off the right one. The left one is hosting the Winter Olympics. <hr width='50%'> :'''Max''': Damn, Grandma! Your boobs are huge! <hr width='50%'> :'''George''': Hey, Max. The owls called. They're done nesting, vato. You can cut your hair. :'''Max''': Cindy Porter said I have big ears. If I cut my hair, she'll never love me! :'''George''': Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. Little pig-nosed Cindy Porter? Man, get your hair out of your eyes. She's nasty. :'''Max''': I like nasty. <hr width='50%'> === ''George Says I Do... More in This Marriage'' [5.10] === === ''George is Being Elfish and Christ-misses His Family'' [5.11] === === ''George Enrolls Like That'' [5.12] === === ''George Keeps Truant to Himself'' [5.13] === === ''The Kidney Stays in the Picture'' [5.14] === :'''George''': [after learning about Max's kidney issues] Angie, what was I thinking? My dad died of kidney disease. Max has my bad genes. :'''Angie''': He's got both our genes, George. :'''George''': Well, look. If he unexpectedly dies from soft hair and long eyelashes, then it'll be your fault. This one's on me. <hr width='50%'> :'''Angie''' [to Carmen]: You're not going to Lake "Take-Your-Top-Off" and that's final. :'''Carmen''': Oh, so I can't go to a simple party on the lake, but the second you leave the room, Max and his girlfriend can make out like monkeys? :'''Angie''': They were making out? :'''Carmen''': Oh, did I say that out loud? I get gossipy when I'm oppressed. <hr width='50%'> === ''A Funeral Brings George to His Niece'' [5.15] === :'''George''': Veronica, you're all grown up! The last time I saw you, you had a ponytail and baby fat. :'''Veronica''': So did you. :'''George''': At least I didn't have a full diaper. You see, you don't wanna play this game. <hr width='50%'> :'''Claudia''': [to Veronica in the video of her will] The money has been put into a trust and the trustee I'm about to name will decide when you get it. The person I had chosen has worked hard his whole life and knows the value of money. Will Vic Palmero please step forward? [''Vic steps forward''] Okay, now bend over and kiss George Lopez's ass because I pick him. :'''George''' [starts laughing] In your face! You heard her, Vic! Kiss it! <hr width='50%'> :'''George''': [to Max when he starts having a crush on Veronica] Max, she's your first cousin and you have dyslexia. If you have kids with her, your mom and I will have to pay a dollar to visit our grandkids at the carnival. <hr width='50%'> === ''George Gets Caught in a Powers Play'' [5.16] === :'''Angie''': [to Veronica] Get down here now, you ungrateful tramp! [''Carmen comes downstairs instead of Veronica''] :'''Carmen''': What? :'''George''': We know what you did. We want to hear it from your mouth. <hr width='50%'> :'''Angie''': [about Veronica] That's it. That was the last straw. I can't take it anymore. I want her out of this house! :'''Carmen''': God, it was just a scratch, I'll pay for it. What do you want from me!? <hr width='50%'> :'''George''': [to Veronica] Tomorrow, I want you to dress more appropriate. I don't want you distracting the guys working with dangerous machines. Alberto's down to seven fingers. He can barely tie his shoes. <hr width='50%'> === ''George Doesn't Trustee Angie's Brother'' [5.17] === :'''George''': [to Angie] How can you trust Ray after all he's done to your family? :'''Angie''': Because I try to find the good in people. :'''George''': That's a really annoying habit. <hr width='50%'> :'''George''': How come you never told me I had any special talents? :'''Benny''': Oh, I'm sorry, George. You're right. You did have a special talent. No one can wet the bed like you. :'''George''': I'm gonna use that to water your grave. <hr width='50%'> :'''Ray''': I have changed. Last year, I woke up in jail and I had one phone call. When my own sister wouldn't come to the phone, I realized that I had pushed everyone away. [''Angie looks confused''] :'''George''': [to Angie] Oh, that's right. Your brother called last year. He needs your help right away. I told you to put a pad by the phone. I can't remember these things. <hr width='50%'> === ''George Helps Ernie See the Cellu-Light'' [5.18] === :'''Ernie''': I'm sorry, George. I just sat down for a minute to rest my knees. I guess I must have nodded off. I don't know why they're bothering me so much. :'''George''': You know you're supposed to listen to your body and right now, your knees are screaming, "You're crushing us! Eat a salad!" <hr width='50%'> :'''George''': I'm the manager. It's my job to defend the workers :'''Benny''': You never defended me. :'''George''': It's not true. I cleaned the stall in the men's room where all that nasty stuff was said about you. :'''Benny''': What did it say? :'''George''': I don't remember. I wrote it a long time ago. <hr width='50%'> :'''Mel Powers''': [to George] I just got a letter from Ernie's lawyer accusing me of being prejudice towards fat people. Does anyone remember my second wife? :'''George''': Oh, yeah. I remember Cheryl. She came to that Christmas party in a green dress and you fired the person who hung an ornament on her. <hr width='50%'> === ''George Gets Cross Over Freddie'' [5.19] === :'''George''' [to Max] What's your password? :'''Max''': Uh, "Rippin' it to the max." :'''George''': Please. The only thing you rip is... [makes a fart sound] <hr width='50%'> :'''Ernie''': Hey, that's my apartment! What are the neighbors gonna think when some creepy weird dude shows up? :'''George''': I don't know. What'd they think when you moved in? <hr width='50%'> :'''Vic''': Back in Cuba, there were no pedophiles trying to molest you. If an old man had his hand down your pants, it was because he was looking for food! :'''George''': Why would you carry around food in your pants? Why not just use a brown paper bag? :'''Vic''': And leave my father without a briefcase? I don't think so. <hr width='50%'> === ''George Vows to Make Some Matri-Money'' [5.20] === :'''Max''': Mom's planning a big wedding, so Dad is doing the cooking and laundry. That's why I'm hungry and going commando. <hr width='50%'> :'''George''': A stressed out bride is nothing. At the factory, I work with ex-cons, substance abusers and sexual harassers. And I'm not just talking about my mom, there's other people like that there too. <hr width='50%'> :'''Ernie''' [when he sees George making wedding invitations] How long have you been at this? :'''George''': Six hours. Would've been done faster, but every five minutes or so, I have to look down at my pants to remind myself I'm still a man. <hr width='50%'> === ''George Discovers How Mescal-ed Up His Life Would Have Been Without the Benny-Fits'' [5.21] === :'''Benny''': [about George] Angie, he cheated me. I should have won. I had the highest numbers. :'''Angie''': Is that true? Did she have the highest numbers? :'''George''': Look, she's been cheating on her time card for years. :'''Benny''': What does that have to do with this contest? I did the work. :'''Angie''': Well, whoever did the most work should win. I mean, George, you have to be a man of your word. :'''George''': Why? She's never been a man of her word. <hr width='50%'> :'''Benny''' [as she seeks revenge for the Reno trip]: No. It's not over. You screwed me, now I'm going to get you. It's payback time. :'''George''': What are you going to do, raise me again? <hr width='50%'> :'''George''': [to Benny] You never taught me anything. You just punished me. I wasn't "Hooked on Phonics." I was hooked to a radiator. <hr width='50%'> === ''It's a Cliffhanger, By George'' [5.22] === :'''Carmen''': I just got my letter from Northern Vermont, but I'm afraid to open it. This is my last shot, Mom. Not just for an education, for freedom. I can't party and pierce things in this house. I need to go away. :'''Angie''' (to George about her being pregnant): Well, Brad, I might be giving you what Jennifer wouldn't. :'''George''': A Cambodian kid?! :'''Angie''': NO! I might be pregnant. :'''George''': What? Oh, hell no. HELL NO! You better hope Brad and Angelina want another Mexican boy for their collection because I'm not raising another one! == Season 6 == === ''George's Mom Faces Hard Tambien'' [6.01] === :'''George''' (to Ernie): Why didn't you tell me they were moving the factory? :'''Ernie''': I left you a message. :'''George''': Dude, I don't listen to your messages anymore. :'''Ernie''': Why? :'''George''': Dude, you call me every time you see a hot girl on the freeway. Then, you take up 5 minutes of my voice mail saying "George, George, George!" :'''George''' (after the cops said they just wanted to question Benny but arrested her on sight): Hey, you lied to me! That's why nobody likes cops. You never see a fireman saying "Jump" and then he takes away the trampoline thing! === ''George's House Has Two Empty Wombs'' [6.02] === :'''Vic''' (to Angie): I thought you said your pregnancy was a false alarm? :'''Angie''': It was. But I saw how excited George was that I didn't have the heart to tell him. :'''Vic''': So, what are you gonna do nine months from now? Wrap a basketball in a blanket and say "Look, he's got your head?" :[After George is refusing to sleep with Angie] :'''Angie''': I don't know what's wrong with you, but you've been avoiding me all day. Now get upstairs! We're doing this, Alice! === ''George Nieces a New Media Room'' [6.03] === :'''George''': Angie, we'll deal with your screwed-up family later. Right now, we need to get to the jail for my mom's birthday party. <hr width='50%'> :'''Angie''': George, I need to talk to you. :'''George''': No one talks in the George Lopez media room except Clint Eastwood and those guys begging not to be killed by Clint Eastwood. <hr width='50%'> :''' Max''': Dad, there's some dude in the bathroom. You want me to get the bat? <hr width='50%'> :'''George''': [to Veronica when Mike calls her again] Every time you talk to him, you're just encouraging him. You gotta get inside the stalker's mind. I knew this guy who was so in love with this woman. He followed her to work, left notes on her car, camped out at her house. I finally had to say, "Look, if you don't knock this off, Ernie, you're gonna go to jail!" :'''Angie''': That was a really uncomfortable summer for me. <hr width='50%'> === ''George Testi-Lies for Benny'' [6.04] === :''[Benny's mom Luisa arrives]'' :'''Ernie''': Uh oh, she's here! Hey you know what, I'm going out the front door! :'''George''': Hey! You don't wanna meet her? :'''Ernie''': Dude, she gave birth to BENNY. ''[rushes out]'' :'''Angie''': How bad can she be, I mean she must've mellowed out if she came all this way to help Benny? :'''George''': Actually, I told her that my mom was shot. :'''Angie''': You lied to her? I thought you were gonna use the Lopez charm? :'''George''': It didn't work, I can't do my puppy-dog eyes over the phone, I'd be like that- ''[making faces]'' :''[Luisa comes in]'' :'''George''': Grandma! :'''Luisa''': ''[shoves purse to George]'' Here. :'''George''':It's great to finally meet you...it's too bad it took my mom being in the hospital to finally bring us together. :'''Angie''': I'm his wife Angie- :''[Luisa shoves grocery bag in her hands]'' :'''Angie''': Nice to meet you... :'''Luisa''': Yeah you too, so....how's Benny doing? :'''George''': She's in a... semi-private room... and there are people watching her like 24 hours a day. :'''Luisa''': How did this happen? You rushed me off the phone before I could ask. :'''George''': She wrote you a letter asking for your forgiveness, then she went to the post office to mail it, then a postal worker who had just been fired- Hey wait a minute, that makes sense....- shot up the place, Grandma. :'''Luisa''': Alright, we'll go to the hospital first thing in the morning. I figured you'd be too exhausted to cook so I brought over some homemade tamales. :'''Angie''': ''[walks over to George]'' When are you gonna tell her the truth? :'''George''':If you could cook, I'd tell her now. Imma get some tamales. ''[goes over to eat a tamale]'' :'''Angie''': George...isn't there some news you should tell your grandma before you eat...? :'''George''': ''[spits out tamale]'' ....Yeah I guess I could tell her now... :'''Luisa''': Tell me what? :'''George''': You know how grandmas are supposed to spoil you and give you candy...a-and forgive you when you lie? :'''Luisa''': .....What's going on. :'''George''': I lied. My mom didn't get shot, I just said that to get you down here. She's in jail. :'''Luisa''': THAT'S why I'm here?? You owe me $100 for the gas, $30 for the tamales I bought down the street... :'''George''': My mom needs your help. If you say something nice about her at her sentencing hearing tomorrow, she might not have to go to prison. :'''Luisa''': $12 for the salsa verde... :'''George''': You know, you got a lot to make up for too, you know with the beatings and everything :'''Luisa''': We never laid a hand on Benny. If anything, we were much too easy on her and look what happened, she got pregnant and ran away. :'''George''': Wait, she said you kicked her out? :'''Luisa''': Kicked her- she left on her own. And my husband, may he rest in peace, never got over the SHAME she brought on this family. :'''George''': Well as the shame...I'd like to ask you for a favor. I've had my own problems with my mom, but I'm gonna suck it up and say something nice on the stand and I'd like for you to do the same. This could be your last chance to make up with your daughter. :'''Luisa''': I'll do it. If you can get past what she did to you, I can get past my own problems. :'''George''': Thank you. :'''Luisa''': But I'll tell you, that girl has caused us a both a lot of grief. ''[reaches for tamale]'' :'''George''': Amen, granny. Don't eat those. :'''Luisa:''' I'm sure you wonder what It would've been like if that other family had kept you. :'''George:'''....What other family? :'''Luisa:''' The one she tried to give you away to. :'''Angie''': Uh oh. :'''George:''' No, you mean my SISTER, she tried to give my sister away? :'''Luisa:''' No no, she gave you away first. But the other family returned you. :'''Angie''': Honey, you know how much I love you, but... I have to say, your life is really jacked up. <hr width='50%'> :'''Angie''' (to George): I hope what you just found out isn't going to affect your testimony. :'''George''': Just a little at the end. (reading his speech for court) "I don't think my mom should go to jail for an old robbery when her real crime... is giving away her only son! I HATE HER, I HATE HER SO MUCH! Thank you, ladies and gentlemen of the jury." === ''Sabes Gay, It's George's Fantasy Episode'' [6.05] === :'''Gina''' (to Ernie): You're not my type. :'''Ernie''': I'm a man and I have a pulse! :'''George''' (to Angie): Our vows were to love, honor and cherish each other. I don't have to tell you nothing. === ''George Thinks Vic's Fiancée is Lion about Being a Cheetah'' [6.06] === : ''[George sees Vic in a completely white and really weird looking suit] : '''George''': ''[in Cuban accent]'' Welcome to fantasy island. === ''George Helps Angie's Wha-Positive Self-Image By Saying You 'Sta Loca Good'' [6.07] === :[After Ernie rejects his attraction to Angie, hurting her feelings] :'''George''': You have drooled over my wife every day since high school. Now, the one time I wanted you to tell her she's hot, YOU DON'T DO IT?! :'''Ernie''': I was trying not to stare! Not in this costume! === ''George's Grave Mistake Sends Him to a Funeral, Holmes'' [6.08] === :'''George''' (to Angie): Did you and your mom have any unresolved conflicts? :'''Angie''': I wish they were unresolved. Do you know what I said when I was on the phone with her last week? I told her I never forgave her for cheating on my dad. I called her a selfish tramp. That is the last thing I ever said to my mother. :'''George''': Oh, I'm sorry, Angie. I didn't know that. :'''Angie''' (crying): I can never take it back. I can never tell her I'm sorry. :'''George''': How many times has Carmen said she hated you? :'''Angie''': Forty-seven. :'''George''': You counted? :'''Angie''': Yeah, it hurt. :'''George''': Of all those times, did you ever feel that she stopped loving you? :'''Angie''': No. <hr width='50%'> :'''Benny''': [to George] What were you gonna do with me when I die? :'''George''': Pet cemetery! <hr width='50%'> === ''George Joins the Neighborhood Wha-tcha and Raises the Vigil-ante'' [6.09] === :'''Max''' (to George): What if I end up like Ernie? :'''George''': A thousand things have to go wrong before you end up like Ernie. :'''George''': (after Ernie's attempts to "seduce" the predator fails) Hey, man, don't worry. I'm sure somewhere... (starts laughing) I can't say it with a straight face. You got rejected by a sexual predator! === ''George is Maid to be Ruth-Less'' [6.10] === :'''George''' (to Ruth about Benny): That's my mom. You may have heard of her. After her last confession, Father John was seen in the shower saying "I can't get clean. I can't get clean." :'''Ruth''': You know what they say: "Chicken soup is a mother's penicillin." :'''George''': When I was a kid, my mom's penicillin was: "Hey, fathead, walk it off." === ''George is Lie-able for Benny's Unhappiness'' [6.11] === :'''Benny''': I don't believe you. You framed him. Do you realize because of what you did, I hated men for twenty years? :'''George''': Hated men? Not on Friday and Saturday nights! How dumb did you think I was, I knew there wasn't a ghost in your room! "Oooooooohhhh." No ghost calls out men's names! :'''Ernie''': Oh, now I get it! I never understood why a ghost would haunt for 10 minutes, go use your bathroom then haunt again. :'''Benny''': Wayne was the best thing that's ever happened to me. I thought we were gonna get married. Why would you do something like this? :'''George''': Wayne might've been great for you, but not for me. :'''Benny''': Was he mean to you? Did he smack you around when I wasn't in the room? Because it's okay, I gave him permission to do that! <hr width=50%/> :'''Benny''': You couldn't share me, so you ruined my life. :'''George''': I didn't know what Wayne meant to you, Mom. I was ten. I didn't know anything. I thought it would be cool if you married Elton John. :'''Benny''': George, Wayne could've made our lives so much better, but you blew it. :'''George''': I know. I feel horrible about it, but there's nothing I can do. It was a long time ago. :'''Benny''': It wasn't a long time ago. He came by the other day and you told him I was dead. You lied. You're always calling me a liar, but you are no better. :'''George''': Yes, I am. I only lied once. :'''Benny''': Really? Is this the first time Wayne has tried to contact me? :'''George''': (lies) Yes. :(walks over to Ernie) :'''Ernie''': (scared) He comes by everytime he's single, it's been 7 times in the last 30 years. Oh, he misses you greatly. :'''Benny''': 7 times. :'''George''': Okay, so I was raised by the biggest liar in the world. You told me, for my birthday, that you got me a cat, like a special breed, called the nut cat. That squirrel almost tore my whole face off! :'''Benny''': At least I didn't ruin your life, I'm gonna die alone thanks to you. :'''George''': No you're not. I'm gonna find Wayne and I'm gonna fix this, I'm gonna give you guys a second chance. :'''Benny''': You told him I was dead. :'''George''': So? I'll just tell him the truth, and I promise you Mom, when he sees you, he's gonna think you're as beautiful now as you were 30 years ago-- oh qué la, I'm lying now and I can't stop lying! (runs out the house) === ''George Uses His Vato Power to Save Dinero Que La'' [6.12] === ''[George and Ernie walk into the backyard, George sees Angie looking at the family bills.]'' :'''George''': Man, I'm too late. Angie has the bills. :'''Ernie''': So? What's the big deal? :'''George''': I went a little crazy with my raise and dropped $900 on some new golf clubs. I was hoping to get the bill before Angie got a chance to see it. :'''Ernie''': You hide things you buy from your wife?! :'''George''': (''imitating Ernie''): "You hide things you buy from your wife?!" Dude, you really need to get a woman, I'm tired of explaining these things to you! :'''Ernie''': George, If you hadn't hooked up with Angie when you were 18, your life would've been just like mine. :'''George''': That is the worst thing you've ever said to me! === ''George Rocks to the Max and Gets Diss-Band-ed'' [6.13] === :'''Vic''': (to George) What is with the smoke? Did the little girl from Kansas poor water on your mother? === ''George Gets Smoking Mad at Benny and Develops an Órale Fixation'' [6.14] === :'''George''': (to Benny) Okay, uh, here's the deal. I'm gonna try to stop complaining because I don't want to be your excuse for smoking. So if you can't quit, it's 'cause you're self-destructive, undisciplined, (yells) AND YOU NEVER GAVE ME A BIRTHDAY PARTY WHEN I WAS A KID! :'''Angie''' (to George): What did you do to finally make Benny quit smoking? :'''George''': I told her the same thing I wrote on her Mother's Day card: "You're old and you'd better not lose your job, because sabes que? I ain't taking care of your ass! Warm regards, your loving son George." === ''George Can't Let Sleeping Mexicans Lie'' [6.15] === :'''Angie''':George! I just finished the letter and I put it on official stationary. I signed it N.W.A. :'''George''': Ice Cube and Dr. Dre's old group? You're sending this to a racist? :'''Angie''': Not *that* N.W.A! The Neighborhood Watch Assocoation! <hr width=50%/> :'''Angie''': (after taking the bat from George) You're just gonna get hurt. You've got the reflexes of a drunk grandma! :(Benny snatches the bat from Angie) :'''Benny''': You got anything else to say about drunk grandmas? (Angie doesn't say anything) I didn't think so. :[When George is planning to threaten a neighbor into taking down a racist statue] :'''George''' (while holding a bat): You know what they call this in the hands of a Judo master? :'''Angie''': The last thing he touches before he dies? === ''George's Bogey-ous Relationship with Vic Is Putt to the Test'' [6.16] === :'''Vic''' (to George): What the hell is wrong with you? :'''George''': Like you care. (walks away) === ''George Thinks Max's Future Is on the Line'' [6.17] === : '''Angie''' [to Max]: I know you had a good time working at the factory, but it's not your future. [to George] Would you please talk some sense into your son? : '''George''': Max, there is no way you're dropping out of school. : '''Max''': But I have to start making money right now. Social Security is a pyramid scheme being gutted by the baby boomers. : '''George''': Do you have any idea what the hell you're saying? : '''Max''': No. Somebody knocked over the radio on the loading dock. It's stuck on AM. === ''George Decides to Sta-Local Where It's Familia'' [6.18] === :'''George''': You don't go to war without a general! You don't play football without a quarterback! You don't have a wolf pack without... what's the head wolf called? :'''Ernie''': The lone wolf? :'''George''': The lone wolf can't be the leader. He's alone! :'''Ernie''': Maybe they're following him, but he doesn't know it. :'''George''': Do you want to go to the factory or do you want to talk about wolves? :'''Ernie''': I wanna go to the factory, but can we talk about wolves on the way? :'''Mr. Vega''' (to George): You've either got a lot of guts or you're an idiot. :'''George''': Maybe I'm both. You don't know me! == Cast == * [[George Lopez (comedian)|George Lopez]] - [[w:George Lopez (character)|George Lopez]] * [[Constance Marie]] - [[w:Angie Lopez (character)|Angela "Angie" Lopez]] * [[w:Valente Rodriguez|Valente Rodriguez]] - [[w:List of George Lopez characters#Ernie Cardenas|Ernesto "Ernie" Cardenas]] * [[w:Masiela Lusha|Masiela Lusha]] - [[w:Carmen Lopez (character)|Carmen Lopez]] * [[w:Luis Armand Garcia|Luis Armand Garcia]] - [[w:Max Lopez (character)|Maximilian "Max" Lopez]] * [[w:Belita Moreno|Belita Moreno]] - [[w:List of George Lopez characters#Benny Lopez|Benita "Benny" Lopez]] * [[w:Emiliano Díez|Emiliano Díez]] - [[w:List of George Lopez characters#Vic Palmero|Victor "Vic" Palmero]] * [[w:Aimee Garcia|Aimee Garcia]] - [[w:List of George Lopez characters#Veronica Palmero|Veronica Palmero]] == Recurring == * [[w:Jack Blessing|Jack Blessing]] - Jack Powers * [[w:Mark Tymchyshyn| Mark Tymchyshyn]] - Mel Powers * [[w:Dagney Kerr|Dagney Kerr]] - Claudia * [[w:Sandra Bullock|Sandra Bullock]] - Amy * [[w:Autumn Reeser|Autumn Reeser]] - Piper * [[w:Rachel Snow|Rachel Snow]] - Toby == Guest Stars == * [[w:Mel Rodriguez|Mel Rodriguez]] - Frank * [[w:Jim O'Heir|Jim O'Heir]] - Reggie * [[w:Gregg Daniel|Gregg Daniel]] - Jim * [[w:Esai Morales|Esai Morales]] - Manny * [[w:Jodi Lyn O'Keefe|Jodi Lyn O'Keefe]] - Campbell * [[w:Lillian Hurst|Lillian Hurst]] - Mrs. Cardenas * [[w:Olga Merediz|Olga Merediz]] - Aunt Cecilia * [[w:James Lesure|James Lesure]] - Ben Adams * [[w:Brenda Song|Brenda Song]] - Jennifer * [[w:Carl Anthony Payne|Carl Anthony Payne]] - Curtis * [[w:Nancy Linehan Charles|Nancy Linehan Charles]] - Mrs. Wilder * [[w:Rod Carew|Rod Carew]] - Himself * [[w:Steve Garvey|Steve Garvey]] - Himself * [[w:Joe Morgan|Joe Morgan]] - Himself * [[w:Jim Palmer|Jim Palmer]] - Himself * [[w:Scott Klace|Scott Klace]] - Bobby Murphy * [[w:Connie Ray|Connie Ray]] - Debbie == External links == {{wikipedia|George Lopez (TV series)}} * {{imdb title|0310460|George Lopez}} [[Category:2000s American sitcoms]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:ABC sitcoms]] [[Category:TV shows about families]] [[Category:TV shows set in Los Angeles]] e8de9jukqen8lr28kr0hrijwwf7egb9 14 114257 3778594 2921871 2025-07-14T12:49:06Z UDScott 4304 Moving from [[Category:Activists]] to [[Category:Activists by issue]] using [[c:Help:Cat-a-lot|Cat-a-lot]] 3778594 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Activists by issue]] [[Category:Indigenous people]] 3nmwbkmt2s8hg3ndd0r78vmipusslmm 0 115278 3778662 3482325 2025-07-14T13:39:25Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Comedians]]; added [[Category:Comedians from France]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778662 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Coluche (cropped).jpg|thumb|Coluche in 1970]] '''[[w:Coluche|Michel Colucci]]''' (October 28, 1944 Paris – June 19, 1986 Opio, Alpes-Maritimes), better known as '''Coluche''', was a French comedian and actor, famous for his irreverent sense of humour. == Quotes == * ''Si la Gestapo avait les moyens de vous faire parler, les politiciens d’aujourd’hui ont les moyens de vous faire taire.'' ** Where the Gestapo had the means to make you talk, today's politicians have the means to keep us quiet. ** {{cite|author=Coluche|title=Les discours en disent long|album=Coluche : l’intégrale|volume=6|publisher=Sony Music|date=1996}} * ''Le capitalisme, c'est l'exploitation de l'homme par l'homme. Le communisme, c'est le contraire !'' ** Capitalism is man exploiting man. Socialism is just the opposite. ** {{cite|author=Coluche|title=Les syndicats et le délégué|album=Coluche : l’intégrale|volume=3|publisher=Carrère|date=1989}} ** Compare [[Len Deighton]], ''Funeral in Berlin'' (1964): "Capitalism is the exploitation of man by man. Yes? Well socialism is exactly the reverse." * ''Les psychiatres sont très efficaces. Avant, je pissais au lit et j'avais honte. J'ai été voir un psychiatre et ça va mieux. Maintenant, je pisse au lit mais je suis fier.'' ** Psychiatrists are very effective. Before, I used to pee in my bed and was very ashamed of it. After seeing a psychiatrist I got better. Now, I pee in my bed but I am proud of it. ** {{cite|author=Coluche|title=Médecins sans diplômes|album=Coluche : l’intégrale|volume=6|publisher=Sony Music|date=1996}} * ''Tu sais ce que c'est qu'un sandwich polonais ? c'est deux ticket de pain avec un ticket de jambon au milieu.'' ** Do you know what a Polish sandwich is? It's one coupon for ham between two coupons for bread. ** {{cite|author=Coluche|title=PC-CGT|album=Président - Live|publisher=Sony Music Media|date=2002}} * ''Le communisme, c'est une des seules maladies graves qu'on n'a pas expérimenté d'abord sur des animaux.'' ** Communism is one of the few grave diseases we didn't try on animals first. ** {{cite|author=Coluche|title=PC-CGT|album=Coluche : l'intégrale|volume=6|publisher=Sony Music|date=1996}} == External links == {{Wikipedia}} {{Commons|Category:Coluche|Coluche}} [[Category:1986 deaths]] [[Category:Actors from France]] [[Category:Comedians from France]] [[Category:Humorists]] [[Category:People from Paris]] [[Category:1944 births]] [[io:Coluche]] [[lmo:Coluche]] 8w1sr5gpylxm6uvde2yb4gqvnqwcf95 0 118943 3778956 3776194 2025-07-15T00:53:02Z 2001:8003:DD49:F700:7CE2:F3C:CD2C:140C /* Extended version */ 3778956 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''Seasons''': [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 1)|1]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 2)|2]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 3)|3]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 4)|4]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 5): Ninja Tribunal|5: Ninja Tribunal]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Fast Forward|6: Fast Forward]] / [[TMNT: Back to the Sewer|7: Back to the Sewer]] | [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003 TV series)|Main]] | '''Film''': [[Turtles Forever]] ---------------- '''''{{w|Turtles Forever}}''''' is a 2009 animated television film by [[w:4Kids Entertainment|4Kids Entertainment]]. Celebrating the 25th anniversary of the ''Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles'' franchise, the film features a team-up between the Ninja Turtles of 3 different eras: The [[w:Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Mirage Studios)|original '84 Mirage Comics]], the [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987 TV series)|'87 cartoon show]] and the [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003 TV series)|2003 animated series]]. ==Turtles== ===<span style=color:blue>Leonardo</span>=== ==== 1984 Leonardo ==== * What is this? Eight wanna-be's? * The Shredder has been shredded. * ''[to 2003 Leonardo]'' Leonardo, seriously, for your own good, you bros should lay off the dimension hopping business. It's dangerous. * ''[Narrating]'' We are the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. We strike hard and fade away into the night. ==== 1987 Leonardo ==== * You know. Old Frying Pan face. * You bet… right after lunch. * * * ''[to 2003 Splinter]'' Master Splinter? * * Well... We were mixing it up inside the Shredder's ultimate weapon - The Technodrome. Trying to keep him from getting his claws onto some vials of Mutagen. We were looking for a way to end the fight once and for all. When Don had a rockin' idea. Use the Technodrome's own Trans-Dimensional Portal to send it back from whence it came. Don started working his Techno magic, but... The next thing we knew, we were back in the city. * * * * * * * * * * * * See you around the multiverse, bros. * ''[along with 1987 Donatello, Michaelangelo and Raphael]'' It's ninja time! ==== 2003 Leonardo ==== * Why are you here, Hun. What do you want? * He? * ''[to 1987 Splinter]'' Thank you... Master. My brothers and I have found your dimension to be... Well... disorienting. But, being here, seeing you, feels right. * Come on, time to call in reinforcements. * Today, we are more than allies. We're brothers. * I know. I'm worried about him too. * Hun. * You heard the man, let's go stop the Shredder. * If there's one constant in the [[multiverse]], it's the Shredder's big, fat ego. * Bros? We're bros. * Take care of yourselves, my brothers. * ''[along with 2003 Raphael, Michelangelo and Donatello]'' Turtle power! ===<span style=color:purple>Donatello</span>=== ==== 1984 Donatello ==== * What's with the multi-colored headbands? ==== 1987 Donatello ==== * Good one, Raphael. * Hey, don't you think you owe us one phone call? * * * * * * * He may not look exactly like our Splinter, but he sure sounds like him. * * * * * * * * * * Looks like we just found something he's vulnerable to! * ''[along with 1987 Leonardo, Michaelangelo and Raphael]'' It's ninja time! ==== 2003 Donatello ==== * We need your gear to track him, Hun. To stop him. * The Technodrome! * Karai's right! Whatever you're doing, you've already wiped out our entire world! * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ''[along with 2003 Raphael, Michelangelo and Leonardo]'' Turtle power! ===<span style=color:orange>Michelangelo</span>=== ==== 1984 Michelangelo ==== * So, you're supposed to be us... from other worlds. I don't see it. ==== 1987 Michelangelo ==== * You were expecting maybe somebody else? * Like I totally know who I'm calling. * That's just ooze. We fight Ol' Bucket Breath over that stuff all the time. * * * * Wow, what a hard case. * * * * * * * * * * * * * All I know is we wouldn't be in this mess if it wasn't for your stupid Shredder. * The whole world is bye bye, dude. Pretty soon you'll be going too. * ''[along with 1987 Leonardo, Donatello and Raphael]'' It's ninja time! ==== 2003 Michelangelo ==== * You rang. * * * Bro, I could tell you stories. * * * * Hun? * Our little alien utrom Shredder is back. *''[after the 1987 turtles laughed]'' Stop it. Stop it! '''STOP IT!''' Can't you guys be serious about ANYTHING?! '' * * * * * * * * * * * * * * What is wrong with them? * ''[along with 2003 Raphael, Donatello and Leonardo]'' Turtle power! ===<span style=color:red>Raphael</span>=== ==== 1984 Raphael ==== * Hmph, sellouts. ==== 1987 Raphael ==== * Chumly, if we're not the turtles, I don't know who is. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Yeah, but your Shredder's like totally psycho evil. * ''[along with 1987 Leonardo, Donatello and Michaelangelo]'' It's ninja time! ==== 2003 Raphael ==== * Grr! Annoying power. * '''Our''' Shredder?! '''Your''' Shredder started this whole ''stupid mess'' with his stupid Technodrome '''in the stupid first place'''! * Doesn't seem to be stoppin' them. * You idiot. There ain't gonna be anybody anywhere soon. Look! * * * * Hun. * * * * * * * * * * * ''[along with 2003 Michelangelo, Donatello and Leonardo]'' Turtle power! * ==Shredder== === 1984 Shredder === * ''[evil laughter]'' I am here. Come and face your... === 1987 Shredder === * '''BLASTED MACHINE!!!''' ''[throws his blades into a digital clock, destroying it]'' How does a minor battle with those annoying Turtles cause the engines too...? ''[something appears on all of the screens]'' '''WHAT THE DEVIL?!''' A temporal anomaly? It seems the Trans-Dimensional Portal has thrown the Technodrome into an entirely different dimension. ''[yells in agony and pouts in his command chair]'' I hate those Turtles. * ''[to Rocksteady & Bebop]'' You traitors, you nincompoops, Ding-Dongs, '''CHUCKLEPUFFS''', '''DIP SKULLS!!''' * Well, when I get back I'm going to zap you all with the giggle ray Krang invented. ''[laughs]'' === Ch'rell (or the Utrom Shredder)=== * What fools are these? So weary of life. * Hun, my old friend. * Perhaps we have common cause once again, you and I. Yes? * Behold the glorious destruction of a universe. And with it, the end of the Ninja Turtles. ''[evil laughter]'' * You speak my name, but you do not know me. I am Ch'rell, Oroku Saki, Duke Accureds-- the one true Shredder. I am a destroyer of worlds and I fear no one! * Still alive? How can this be? Unless... ''[Karai on top the Technodrome]'' Karai... you! * Let us finish this, once and for all. I cam to this dimension to destroy turtles. The more... the merrier! Now come! Come and face your doom! * No! I am The Shredder! Slayer of Ninja Turtles! If destroying them means the end of everything, '''THEN SO BE IT!''' * ''[last words]'' No! No! No! I will not... I am... No!! ==Splinter== === 1987 Splinter === * Welcome home, My Turtles. * And... My Turtles? * Please, take this moment to nourish your body as you prepare for the challenge that lies ahead of you. * To me also, Leonardo. You four are welcomed here always. === 2003 Splinter === * Leonardo! Michelangelo! Donatello! Raphael! * You.. know me? * ''[throws his walking stick and it flies past 2003 Raphael and 80s Leonardo and hits the computer.]'' '''ENOUGH!''' Stop this bickering! You only do your enemy's work for him! You are ninja. All of you and all are welcome here. ''[removal his walks stick from the computer]'' Do not embarrass your sensei. * Who disturbs the sanctity of my home? * Today my sons do not fight alone. == April O'Neil == === 1987 April O'Neil === * I'm a reporter: April O'Neil. ''[pulls out her camera]'' And you four are my ticket to a peabody. === 2003 April O'Neil === * Are you guys seeing this? It's all over the news. * ''[along with Casey]'' Hun? * No! Casey! It’s happening to me! ''[disappears]'' == Casey Jones == ===2003=== * So, I still don't get it. Which Shredder is back? Doin' what? To who? * Your doubles ain't exactly playin' with the full deck are they? * Gotcha. Up to speed now. * ''[along with 2003 April]'' Hun? * April! Guys, April, She she's dissapeared! ''[disappears]'' == Hun == * Uh… I don't know who these... freaks are, but they're not the turtles. * Hmm. This could really come in handy. Especially if the Shredder is back. * I've already got 4 turtles to worry about. These are... superfluous * Ha! Mine! Hun wins again! * Huh? * Oh! * Get this crud off! * '''No...! Get it off me! Get it off me...!''' * Look what they've done to me! Accursed Turtles! * Yes, master. * ''[enters the 2003 Turtles' lair]'' '''TURTLES!''' ''[1987 Bebop and Rocksteady enters the 2003 Turtles' lair too]'' * They followed their nose. * Don't you recognize me, rodent? * Come examine your son's handiwork. * That mutagen turned me into the last thing I touched. Mutant Turtle filth! * You have no idea what this is about, do you? You don't even know he's back. * The one true Shredder. * We became separated when their lair collapsed around us. But rest assured, Master, as long as you have the rodent... the Turtles will come to you. * Yes. Mutation it's a real horror show. I don't know how you escaped the Shredder, and I don't care. You're all mine now. * Do you know the thing I hate most in all the world? Turtles! * Now I look in the mirror and all I see is you! And I hate you even more! * Forget the Shredder. '''YOU'RE GONNA PAY FOR WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME!''' * WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING THAT?! WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO? THERE'S NO ONE THERE! * No. * HURRY! TAKE IT! STOP HIM! STOP THE SHREDDER BEFORE HE... ''[screaming and disappears]'' == Karai == * Father, what is it? What's wrong? What did you see in there? * Yes, Father. I used the matter transporter to rescue the Turtles from your scanner. And that's not all. * Your unreasoning hatred of the Turtles has blinded you to the truth, Father. Your actions could destroy us all. * Father, stop! Please! Can you not see? Whatever it is you have done to destroy them, you do it to all of us as well! Our fates are linked to theirs! * Father, I don't want to lose you again! Destroy them, and you will destroy yourself! I beg you... stop. == Krang == * Shredder! You bungling idiot. * Then may he also find you as useful as we always have ''[croaks]'' == Bebop == * Come on. No hard feelings? Our new master finds us... ''[snorts]'' amusin' is all. == Rocksteady == * The nose knows. * Oh, we said we was sorry, boss. == Prologue == :'''1987 Turtles''': Turtle Power! :'''2003 Turtles''': It’s Ninja Time! ==Dialogue== *This movie takes place a few years after the conclusion of the animated show, "[[TMNT: Back to the Sewer|Back to the Sewer]]". <hr width80%> :''[After [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 7)|Cyber Shredder's death]] so Casey Jones and April O'Neil are getting married, In New York at the Turtle Lair in [[w:Central Park|Central Park]], where Splinter watching the TV.]'' :'''Man''' ''[on TV]'': I'm afraid it's true, Kincaid. I'm not your stepbrother; I'm your half-sister. :'''Announcer''': We interrupt this program for a Channel 6 news exclusive. There was a daring robbery earlier tonight at a high-tech midtown laboratory. A nearby surveillance camera captured this image of four bizarre green creatures. :'''2003 Splinter''': ''[gasps]'' Leonardo! Michelangelo! Donatello! Raphael! :'''2003 Michelangelo''': You rang? :'''2003 Splinter''': I fear you have been careless tonight, my sons. The secret of our existence has been compromised. :'''2003 Leonardo''': What, tonight? :'''2003 Donatello''': I haven't been out. Mikey? :'''2003 Michelangelo''': Negatory. :'''2003 Raphael''': Master Splinter, we've been cooped up in here with you all night. :'''2003 Splinter''': Then how in the world do you explain... this? :'''News Reporter''': The image of the four creatures is a bit grainy, but even so, you can make out what appear to be four large Turtles. :'''2003 Turtles''': ''[confused]'' Wha...? Huh? :'''2003 Raphael''': It's... it's got to be some kind of gag, right? :'''2003 Splinter''': I am not laughing, Raphael. :'''News Reporter''': In other news, unusual underground seismic activity continues to be reported throughout Manhattan. :'''2003 Donatello''': Here. I've got the image. They do look like us. :'''2003 Michelangelo''': Whoever "they" are. :'''2003 Donatello''': Who are they fighting? :'''2003 Raphael''': The Purple Dragons! :'''2003 Michelangelo''': So Hun's behind all this turtle-y fun? :'''2003 April O'Neil''': Are you guys seeing this? It's all over the news. :'''2003 Leonardo''': We see it, April. And we're about to get to the bottom of it. :''[2003 Turtles races off to find what’s going on.]'' <hr width80%> :''[At Purple Dragon headquarters, Hun and two members are walking down a hall.]'' :'''Purple Dragon 1''': It was a sweet score, boss. We grabbed all kinds of high tech goodies. :''[Hun gets distracted by a fly and tries to swat him away.]'' :'''Purple Dragon 1''': But the real prize is right in here. ''[types the passcode in the keypad and the door opens as the 3 step inside a room with all the Purple Dragons]'' We got 'em, boss. We finally got 'em. Say hello... ''[lights switch on to reveal the [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987 TV series)|Turtles from the 80's]]]'' ...To the ninja turtles. :'''Hun''': ''[confused]'' Huh? :'''1987 Michelangelo''': You were expecting maybe somebody else? :'''Hun''': Uh… I don't know who these... ''freaks'' are, but they're not the turtles. :'''1987 Raphael''': Chumly, if we're not the turtles, I don't know who is. :''[The 1987 Turtles laugh]'' :'''1987 Donatello''': Good one, Raphael. :'''Purple Dragon 1''': ''[holding 1987 Michelangelo's nunchucks and 1987 Raphael's Sais]'' We uh... found this on 'em. :'''Purple Dragon 2''': ''[holding 1987 Leonardo's swords and 1987 Donatello's Bo Staff]'' Ninja type stuff. Right, Boss? :''[The Purple Dragon with an eyepatch also shows Hun some small purple capsules on '80's Michelangelo's nunchucks. Hun picks one up and examines it.]'' :'''Hun''': Hmm. :'''1987 Donatello''': Hey, don't you think you owe us one phone call? :'''1987 Michelangelo''': Like I totally know who I'm calling. :'''1987 Turtles''': ''[In Unison]'' '''PIZZA DELIVERY!''' :''[The 1987 Turtles laugh as Hun and the Purple Dragon with an eyepatch look at each other in confusion. He then grabs '87 Michelangelo's head and pulls him towards his face.]'' :'''Hun''': What... is... this? :'''1987 Michelangelo''': That's just ooze. We fight Ol' Bucket Breath over that stuff all the time. :'''Hun''': "Old Bucket Breath"? :'''1987 Leonardo''': You know. Old Frying Pan face. :'''1987 Michelangelo''': Chrome Dome. :'''1987 Donatello''': Metal Mouth. :'''1987 Raphael''': Tin-teeth. :'''Hun''': What are you freaks talking about? :'''Dog''': ''[barking]'' :'''1987 Raphael''': ''[breaking the fourth wall]'' A mind like a steel trap this one. Know what I'm sayin'? :''[Hun gives a confused look at the fourth wall.]'' :'''1987 Leonardo''': Hello! We're talking about Shredder! :'''Hun''': '''WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH THE SHREDDER?!''' :'''1987 Donatello''': Like Michelangelo said, it's just some Mutagen we stopped Shred-head from getting his claws on. :'''Hun''': ''[shakes the capsule]'' Mutagen? Hmm. ''[opens the capsule and the same fly from earlier takes a sip of the liquid.]'' :'''1987 Leonardo''': I'd be careful with that if I were you. :''[Hun flicks the fly away and it lands on the floor suddenly growing large and screeching.]'' :'''Purple Dragon''': What the…? :'''Hun''': ''[punches the fly hard and it hits a wall and lands on the floor knocked out]'' Hmm. This could really come in handy. Especially if the Shredder is back. :''[A Purple Dragon hands Hun the rest of the Mutagen capsules.]'' :'''Purple Dragon 2''': Uh, what do you wanna do with these guys, boss? :'''Hun''': I've already got 4 turtles to worry about. These are... superfluous. :''[The Purple Dragons aim their guns at the 1987 Turtles.]'' :'''Purple Dragon 2''': Nice knowing you, superfluous. ''[laughs evilly]'' :''[The 1987 Turtles' eyes widened in fear, as they are about to be shot.]'' :'''Hun''': What the…? ''[thrown back into the room, making all of the Purple Dragons drop to the ground, along with the mutagen.]'' No! :''[The Mutagen hits a Purple Dragon with a dog.]'' :'''Purple Dragon 3''': Ahhh! Get it off me! ''[screams]'' :'''2003 Raph''': Hope you don't mind, but we let ourselves in. :'''2003 Mikey''': Actually, it kinda looks like we're already here. :'''1987 Donatello''': Hey, those dudes look just like us. :'''2003 Raph''': Don't flatter yourselves. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The two Turtle teams stop on a rooftop on a building]'' :'''2003 Raph''': Alright, time for some answers. Who the shell are you guys?! :'''1987 Donatello''': I was about to ask you the same question. :'''2003 Raph''': ''[points at finger]'' Don't get cute. :'''1987 Michelangelo''': We can't help it, we were born that way. ''[winks innocently as 2003 Raphael glares at him]'' :'''2003 Leo''': Look, we just risked our shells rescuing you from Hun and the Purple Dragons, so I think we're entitled to some answers. :'''1987 Raphael''': He's right. :'''1987 Michelangelo''': They've earned it. :'''1987 Donatello''': Absolutley. :'''2003 Raph''': So? Spill! :'''Leonardo''': :'''1987''': You bet… right after lunch. ''[he and the other 80's turtles run off]'' :'''2003''': What? No! :''[the 1987 Turtles jump off the rooftop. The 2003 Turtles look down and watch as they jump down a street, scaring a couple of pedestrians along the way who runaway from them screaming]'' :'''2003 Donnie''': Uh, what are they doing? :'''Pedestrians''': ''[screaming]'' :'''2003 Raph''': That's it. '''THEY'RE TOAST!''' ''[gets ready to go after them, but 2003 Donatello stops him]'' :'''2003 Donnie''': We can't go running around in broad daylight! :'''2003 Raphael''': Doesn't seem to be stoppin' them. :''[the '87 turtles walk past some humans who just stare at them]'' :'''1987 Michelangelo''': Hey there. :'''Woman''': ''[gasps]'' :'''1987 Michelangelo''': How's it goin'? :'''1987 Raphael''': Hello. :'''1987 Leonardo''': Hi. :'''2003 Donatello''': If they get spotted by the wrong... :'''2003 Leonardo''': Come on, time to call in reinforcements. :''[2003 Turtles walk away. The '80s Turtles have arrived at a Pizza Parlor]'' :'''1987 Leonardo''': I'm starving. :'''1987 Donatello''': I want Tuna Fish on mine. :'''1987 Raphael''': I could eat a whole pie myself. ''[The '80s Turtles run inside the Parlor, laughing happily]'' :'''Customers''': ''[turn around and gasp]'' :'''1987 Turtles''': ''[sighing happily]'' :''[the customers in line, run away from them, screaming]'' :'''1987 Michelangelo''': Score! No line. ''[to Pizza Chef]'' We'll take 4 large pizzas with Sauerkraut, Tuna Fish, Pretzels and Jellybeans. :''[the Chef just stares at them and runs away screaming, throwing a pizza into the air. '87 Michelangelo jumps onto the counter and catches it]'' :'''1987 Michelangelo''': Maybe they're out of Jellybeans? :''[police cars pull up outside. The '87 Turtles continue eating pizza, just as they notice two cops outside the window pointing at them]'' :'''1987 Leonardo''': Uh oh, the boys in blue. Let's slip out the back. :''[the '80s turtles flee the table. They head to the back door, carrying pizza boxes. As soon as they get outside, they are caught in a net, dropping the pizza boxes]'' :'''1987 Raphael''': Hey, hey! :'''1987 Donatello''': Let us outta here! :'''1987 Raphael''': Come on! :'''1987 Leonardo''': What's goin' on?! :'''1987 Raphael''': Let us go! :''[the '80s Turtles are thrown onto a glass pathway connecting two skyscrapers and break free]'' :'''1987 Raphael''': Hey! What's the big idea? :'''1987 Leonardo''': You totally picked the wrong... :'''1987 Turtles''': Huh? :''[2003 Splinter stares at them]'' :'''1987 Leonardo''': Master Splinter? :'''2003 Splinter''': You.. know me? :'''1987 Donatello''': Well, yeah, but... :'''1987 Raphael''': ''[touches '03 Splinter's face]'' Did you get a perm job or somethin'? You look uh... different. :'''1987 Donatello''': Come to think of it, everything's been looking a little different lately. :'''1987 Leonardo''': Yeah. Ever since that big explosion, [[New York City|New York]] just hasn't been the same. :'''2003 Donatello''': Explosion? :'''1987 Raphael''': Yeah, during our uh, battle with Shredder. :'''2003 Leonardo''': The Shredder? :'''2003 Splinter''': Perhaps it would best if you started from the beginning. :'''1987 Leonardo''': Well... ''[a flashback begins, starting with the Technodrome terrorizing the 1987 TMNT universe]'' We were mixing it up inside the Shredder's ultimate weapon - The Technodrome. ''[Inside the Technodrome, the '87 Shredder is holding the same vials of Mutagen from before]'' Trying to keep him from getting his claws onto some vials of Mutagen. ''[The '87 Turtles run up to him]'' We were looking for a way to end the fight once and for all. :'''1987 Shredder''': ''[gets hit by 1987 Donatello's Bo-staff]'' Ooh! :'''1987 Leonardo''': ''When Don had a rockin' idea. [The '80s Turtles throw '80s Shredder into the air and catch the Mutagen vials] Use the Technodrome's own Trans-Dimensional Portal to send it back from whence it came. ['87 Donatello smashes his fist into the control panel and starts tying two cable together] Don started working his Techno magic, but... [an army of Foot Soldiers enter the room and start shooting lasers. 80s Donatello leaps away from the lasers which hit the control panel, causing it a light blue glow. The '87 Turtles gasp and the glow begins to grow bigger, engulfing everything in white. End of flashback]'' The next thing we knew, we were back in the city. :'''1987 Raphael''': And we got back to doing we do best – taking down scuzz-buckets :'''2003 Leonardo''': Hun and the Purple Dragons. :'''1987 Donatello''': But maybe [[Wizard of Oz|we're not in Kansas anymore]]. Not ''our'' Kansas anyway. :'''1987 Michelangelo''': Dude, are you saying...? :'''1987 Donatello''': I'm saying, the Technodrome's Trans-Dimensional Portal might have zapped us all to a different world. :'''2003 Leonardo''': This Shredder of yours, he's here too? :''[the '80s Turtles shrug sheepishly]'' :'''2003 Splinter''': ''[groans]'' Our path is clear - together we must find this Technodrome. It may be the only way to get these 4 home. ''[he and the '03 Turtles gasp in surprise to find 2003 Michelangelo playing around with their '87 counterparts]'' :'''1987 Michelangelo''': Noogie! :'''2003 Raphael''': The sooner, the better! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Deep down in the ground, underneath the sewer system is the Technodrome. Inside, someone is trying start the engines. Scene changes to the inside where the Shredder from the '87 TMNT universe is trying to start it.]'' :'''Computer''': Primary engines offline. :'''1987 Shredder''': '''BLASTED MACHINE!!!''' ''[throws his blades into a digital clock, destroying it]'' How does a minor battle with those annoying Turtles cause the engines too...? ''[something appears on all of the screens]'' '''WHAT THE DEVIL?!''' A temporal anomaly? It seems the Trans-Dimensional Portal has thrown the Technodrome into an entirely different dimension. ''[yells in agony and pouts in his command chair]'' I hate those Turtles. ''[turns away to sulk]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Technodrome has now settled in another tunnel. Inside, 1987 Shredder has found zero results for Krang in the 2003 universe]'' :'''1987 Shredder''': Hmm. Nothing comes up for Krang in this dimension. :'''Krang''': What?! :'''1987 Shredder''': Shredder, on the other hand... ''[footage of the Utrom Shredder appears on screen]'' There he is. And he is magnificent. ''[footage shows Utrom Shredder crossing his arms, the next footage shows him punching 2003 Raphael and Michelangelo to the ground in April's shop]'' What strength! What power! ''[the last footage shows Utrom Shredder firing a powerful blast at the 2003 turtles from the Sword of Tengu and raising his steel claws in the air]'' Oh, how I've longed for an ally such as this. So, unlike the sniveling idiots that I've been forced to suffer. :'''Krang''': ''[deadpan]'' I'm right here. ''[yells]'' '''I CAN HEAR YOU!!!''' ''[croaks]'' :'''1987 Shredder''': Now to find him. ''[uses the computer to search for his 2003 counterpart and searches the United States, Earth, the solar system and the galaxy, but finds nothing, until... the computer scans an ice asteroid called Mor Gal Tal where the Utrom Shredder is banished]'' Hmm. Strange, he's off world. No matter ''[types in the keyboard]'' I will program the matter to beam him to us directly. ''[the computer lights up and zaps a chunk of ice and a beam forms behind them]'' This is a turning point, Krang. The world will tremble before the combined power of Mighty Shredder and his... Huh?! ''[gasps at the true form of the Utrom Shredder: Ch'rell who is in a frozen slumber]'' ...Pink slug? ''[taps the ice lightly]'' Ooooh! I wanted a super sinister ally. :'''Krang''': ''[walks up to him]'' Oh I don't know. He looks alright to me. ''[croaks]'' :''[sometime later, 80s Shredder and Krang have gotten Ch'rell out of the ice and onto a machine]'' :'''1987 Shredder''': ''[typing on the computer]'' Could that puny creature actually be this dimension's Shredder? :'''Krang''': ''[croaks]'' :'''1987 Shredder''': Quiet. :'''Computer''': Commencing cyro-regeneration. :''[the machine turns on, zapping Ch'rell]'' :'''Krang/1987 Shredder''': Aaah! :''[the two Technodrome commanders watch as the computer overheats and explodes. '87 Shredder turns around to turn it off]'' :'''1987 Shredder''': No! ''[hits the button repeatedly]'' :'''Krang''': '''FOOL! YOU OVERCOOKED HIM DIDN'T YOU?!''' ''[walks over to Ch'rell]'' :'''1987 Shredder''': I did everything exactly right. ''[rushes over to the lifeless alien]'' It should have worked. It should be alive. :'''Krang''': You botched it. '''YOU BOTCHED IT!!''' :''['87 Shredder growls in anger, chases after Krang and tackles him to ground to strangle him, breaking his glass helmet]'' :'''Krang''': Oh! :'''1987 Shredder''': You forget who you talk to you whimpering-Oh! ''[Krang hits him with his tentacle]''...Worm! ''[Krang hits him again]'' Aah! '''I AM THE SHREDDER!!!''' :''[Ch'rell suddenly awakens]'' :'''Krang''': I know who you are. ''[hits 1987 Shredder again]'' Let go! ''[hits him again]'' :'''Ch'rell (2003 Shredder)''': What fools are these? So weary of life. :''['87 Shredder and Krang stop fighting and turn around]'' :'''Krang/1987 Shredder''': Wha? :'''Ch'rell''': That they take the name of the Shredder. ''[speeds over to them from the table he was on and appears in front of them in a flash]'' '''My''' name in vain! :''[Krang and '87 Shredder look at each other confused. They turn back to Ch'rell who snarls in anger and violently headbutts them into a monitor, breaking it. The two lay on the ground as Ch'rell stands up on the machine he was on. '87 Shredder and Krang look at each other in surprise as the Utrom growls at them, further enraged]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[green smoke appears from the air vents of the engine room and the doors slam shut. Ch'rell growls, knowing this is a trick. The Foot Soldier carrying him tries to make a run towards the other open door, but it slams shut too.]'' :'''Ch'rell''': ''[turns to 1987 Shredder]'' You! :''['87 Shredder backs away in fear from the Utrom as he growls and breaks free from the Foot Soldier and tackles '80s Shredder to ground, strangling him.]'' :'''Ch'rell''': Little man, you have made a grave! A grave. ''[begins foaming at the mouth, grunts]'' Grave... ''[the Utrom finally falls unconscious on '87 Shredder's head.]'' :'''1987 Shredder''': ''[grunts as he picks up the knocked out utrom and throws him on the floor, panting.]'' :''[scene changes to 80s Shredder with the unconscious utrom in a container of liquid in the Technodrome's main room with Krang, Rocksteady and Bebop.]'' :'''1987 Shredder''': I thought he could help us defeat the turtles. But he-he's insane! :'''Krang''': ''[using his robot arms to open a box]'' Perhaps we may still learn something useful by... ''[burps, opens the box revealing a knife inside]'' dissecting it. Mmm? :''[an alarm goes off, alerting the '87 TMNT villains.]'' :'''Computer''': Intruder alert, Intruder alert. :'''1987 Shredder''': Not those blasted turtles again! :''[an explosion occurs at the door in front of them and several Foot Soldier pieces are flung into the room. A yell is heard, coming from Karai who flips into the main room, glaring at everyone. Everyone gasps at her as she sees her father in the liquid jar he is in.]'' :'''Karai''': ''[yells as she flips again and breaks Ch'rell free]'' I am called Karai. :'''Krang''': ''[as he and 80s Shredder flinch at the sight of her swords]'' Aah! :'''Karai''': I am his daughter. :'''1987 Shredder''': ''[to Krang]'' Not much of a family resemblance. ''[Karai kicks him in the gut away.]'' Aah! ''[groans]'' :'''Krang''': ''[gasps]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the 2003 Turtles' lair.]'' :'''2003 Donnie''': I don't understand it. The tracking system was closing in and then suddenly, poof, static. It's like the Technodrome disappeared. :'''2003 Leo''': Any idea what we should do next? :''[The 80s Turtles raise their hands at the same time]'' :'''1987 Donatello''': I know, I know! :'''2003 Leo''': ''[crosses his arms]'' Other than going out for a slice? :''[The '87 Turtles put their hands down and look at each other awkwardly.]'' :'''Raphael''': ::'''2003''': Ugh! I told you you can't brainstorm with these goofballs! They ain't got no brains. ::'''1987''': Hey! We resemble that remark. :'''1987 Turtles''': ''[laughing]'' :'''1987 Michelangelo''': Good one, Dude! :''[2003 Leo and Raph look at them and each other and then face palm in annoyance.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Utrom Shredder''': How go the repairs, Karai? :'''Karai''': Very well, father. The technology of Dimension X is ridiculous. ''[a cyber foot ninja removes an old computer monitor while another places a flat screen in its place.]'' But once revived with Utrom science it will prove... devastating. :'''Utrom Shredder''': Yes, the two merged well together. This new body is proof of that. :'''Karai''': And more proof: their robotic foot soldiers. Clumsy, weak, almost... ''[a cyber foot rips one's head off]'' Cartoonish. ''[the ninja then tosses the head away into a pile of discarded Foot Soldier parts.]'' But now... ''[a new and upgraded Foot Soldier fires lasers]'' with the proper modifications, ''[an old Foot Soldier tries to attack the new one, but the new one kicks his head off.]'' lethal. ''[Karai and Utrom Shredder enter a room with a large container of Mutagen and several soldiers have been lined up to mutated.]'' Our human troops have also been upgraded. By analyzing the Mutagen that infected Hun, we have successfully engineered out own mutant army. :''[a cyber foot ninja squirts mutagen onto one of the troop's arm, which makes him groan in agony until he grows teeth and turns into a mutant beast.]'' :'''Shredder''': :'''Utrom''': Soon, I will bring '''THIS WORLD IT'S KNEES!!''' And then... :'''1987''': ''[chases after some cyber foots who are taking his command chair away] Wait! Stop! Come back here with my command chair! That's an order!! ::'''Utrom''': And then perhaps the world of my.. worthless counterpart. ''[he and Karai walk through the surveillance room.]'' Infinite possibilities have been open to me. Thanks to this... Technodrome. ''[enters the room with the Trans-Dimensional Portal]'' I shall rule a multiverse, Karai. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Krang''': ''[banging on the door to the Utrom Shredder]'' You're not the only one who needs to use the Trans-Dimensional Portal you know. Open up! What are you doing in there anyway? ''[a shadow looms over Krang and the figure, revealing to be Karai yanks him out of his vessel which falls onto the floor]'' My body! ''[whimpers]'' :'''Karai''': Insolent slug, the shredder's business is his and '''HIS''' alone! ''[drops Krang to the ground]'' :'''Krang''': Aah! :'''Karai''': Do not seek to interrupt him again. :''[Utrom Shredder exits the room looking disoriented]'' :'''Utrom Shredder''': ''[groans]'' :'''Karai''': Father, what is it? What's wrong? What did you see in there? :'''Shredder''': :'''Utrom''': Turtles, Karai. Ninja Turtles! I must have them. Both teams, at once. :'''1987''': ''[appears]'' Yes, revenge, '''AT LAST!!''' I knew you'd come through. Together we can crush the tur... Aaah! ''[his Utrom counterpart smacks him away and crashes in poles and steel barrels]'' :'''Utrom''': '''HUN!!''' ''[Hun marches towards him]'' Tonight, you hunt. Find those who did this to you and bring them to me. :'''Hun''': It will be down, master. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the 2003 Turtles' lair.]'' :'''1987 Donatello''': Okay, stand back. :''[]'' :'''Donatello''': ::'''1987''': Huh. That should have worked. ::'''2003''': Should have worked? That'll never work. That's not a transdimensional portal stick. That's... ''[]'' a flashlight. ::'''1987''': It was a flashlight. But with a little rewiring and a lot more positive thinking, it'll soon be a transdimensional portal stick. Now hand me that hammer. ::'''2003''': This is a wrench. ::'''1987''': Details. Science isn't all about facts, you know. :''[Suddenly, there was an explosion.]'' ::'''2003''': What the shell? :''[They look and saw Hun, completely disgusted and deformed. His shirt was remained along with his pants and hair. He looked like a monstrous turtle with spikes on his shell, arm and toes.]'' :'''Hun''': ''[enters the 2003 Turtles' lair.]'' '''TURTLES!!''' ''[Rocksteady and Bebop enters 2003 Turtles' lair.]'' :'''Donatello''': ::'''2003''': Oh, no! ::'''1987''': How'd they find us? :'''Hun''': They followed their nose. :''[Bebop held what appears to be a vacuum with a human nose.]'' :'''Rocksteady''': The nose knows. :''[They laugh until a staff hit Rocksteady.]'' :'''2003 Splinter''': Who disturbs the sanctity of my home?! :'''Hun''': Don't you recognize me, rodent?! :'''2003 Leonardo, Splinter and Raphael''': Huh?! :'''2003 Michaelangelo''': Hun?! :'''Hun''': Come examine your son's handiwork! :''[Hun charged at the 2003 Turtles, who start to fight back. The other 1987 Turtles emerge.]'' :'''1987 Leonardo''': ''[yawns]'' Is it noon already? :''[They saw that the lair is being destroyed by Hun and the Foot army.]'' :'''2003 Michelangelo''': Robots 2.0? :''[?]'' :'''2003 Raphael''': So what's with the new look, Gruesome? :'''Hun''': That mutagen turned me into the last thing ''I'' touched: Mutant Turtle filth! :'''1987 Raphael''': It's not true. We shower regularly. :''[Raph and Hun had no idea what 1987 Raphael said before they resume fighting.]'' :'''2003 Leonardo''': Why are you here, Hun? What do you want?! :'''Hun''': You have no idea what this is about, do you?! You don't even know ''he's'' back! :'''2003 Leonardo''': He? :'''Hun''': The one true Shredder! :'''2003 Michaelangelo, Leonardo and Raphael''': ''[horrified]'' Aah! :''[Hun charged, breaking a pillar down. Everyone took cover as their home started to get destroyed.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[The '87 Turtles have saved '80s April from Mutants.] :''''87 Turtles''': Cowabunga! ''[hi five each other]'' :'''1987 April O'Neil''': Boy, when you guys are out of town, the threats on my life sure do pile up. ''[notices the 2003 Turtles]'' There are eight of you now. Holy Scoop. :'''2003 Donatello''': Wait, you're April? Um, what's with the yellow jumpsuit, do you work at a carwash in this dimension? :'''1987 April''': I'm a reporter: April O'Neil. ''[pulls out her camera]'' And you four are my ticket to a peabody. :'''1987 Leo''': '[cuts in]' Sorry, April. No time for an exclusive. '[puts the camera down]' We've gotta get these guys to the lair. :''[The eight Turtles rush off. April looks on, before another mutant Banana grabs her and drags her away]'' :'''1987 April''': ''[screaming]'' :''[The Turtles arrive at a phone booth]'' :'''1987 Leonardo''': Follow Me! :''[The eight Turtles rush inside]'' :'''2003 Raph''': Watch it! :'''1987 Leonardo''': My eye! :'''2003 Michaelangelo''': Quit pushing! :''[The phone booth takes all eight Turtles down to the '80s Turtles' lair.]'' :'''1987 Turtles''': ''[laughing]'' :'''1987 Splinter''' ''[appears]'' Welcome home, My Turtles. ''[the '87 Turtles smile at him, whlie the 2003 counterparts stare at him in surprise]'' :'''2003 Donnie''': ''[gasps]'' :'''1987 Splinter''': ''[blinks]'' And... My Turtles? ''[1987 Michelangelo waves.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the 1987 Turtles' lair, 1987/2003 Donatello are in the lab]'' :'''1987 Donatello''': I'll get that gear together, and we'll be on our way in no time. :'''2003 Michelangelo''': Ow! ''[drops TV remote]'' :'''1987 Leonardo, Raphael and Michelangelo''': Noogie! ''[grab 2003 Michelangelo and the couch fell off]'' :'''2003 Michelangelo''': Hey! Cut it out! ''[laughing]'' :''[2003 Leonardo and Raphael sit in the kitchen where the 1987 Splinter serves them bowls of rice.] :'''1987 Splinter''': Please, take this moment to nourish your body as you prepare for the challenge that lies ahead of you. :'''2003 Leonardo''': Thank you... Master. My brothers and I have found your dimension to be... Well... disorienting. But, being here, seeing you, feels right. :'''1987 Splinter''': To me also, Leonardo. You four are welcomed here always. :'''2003 Raphael''': That's kinda what our Master Splinter said... to us. About them ''[sighs sadly]'' :'''2003 Leonardo''': I know. I'm worried about him too. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Back to the 2003 TMNT Universe inside the Technodrome Hun brought the 2003 Splinter to Utrom Shredder and Karai.]'' :'''Utrom Shredder''': What is this? I asked for the Turtles, and you bring me back their... rat?! :'''Hun''': We became separated when their lair collapsed around us. But rest assured, Master, ''[holds the 2003 Splinter]'' as long as you have the rodent... the Turtles will come to you. :'''Karai''': Father, what is this all about? :'''Utrom Shredder''': The Turtles. For my plans to proceed, I must have them. You have done well, Hun. Now... let us make ourselves easier to find. The time has come to rise! <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Utrom Shredder watches from the upgraded Technodrome as the Party Wagon drives closer to it]'' :'''Utrom Shredder''': Yes, come to me Turtles. :''[his 80s counterpart and Krang jump up from the coach they were on and approach him from behind]'' :'''1987 Shredder''': What the devil are you waiting for? They're right in your crosshairs! :'''Krang''': Destroy them already. :''[Utrom Shredder glares down at them]'' :'''1987 Shredder''': ''[gasps]'' :'''Krang''': ''[gasps]'' :''[Utrom Shredder then violently swats them both to the ground]'' :'''1987 Shredder/Krang''': ''[land on the floor]'' Oh! :'''Utrom Shredder''': Restrain these buffoons! :''[80s Shredder and Krang lay on the floor groaning as Rocksteady and Bebop approach them]'' :'''1987 Shredder''': ''[looks up]'' Huh? :'''Rocksteady''': Sorry, boss. :''[Rocksteady and Bebop grab their boss and Krang and carry them away]'' :'''1987 Shredder''': Unhand me! :'''Krang''': You'll hear from Trans-Dimensional attorneys! ''[Krang and 80s Shredder are left hanging in mid air with their hands in energy handcuffs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Turtles have arrived outside of the Technodrome and exit the Party Wagon]'' :'''Raphael''': :'''1987''': Hey, they rolled out the welcome mat. :'''2003''': Then how come I ain't feelin' welcome? :''[The 1987 Turtles laugh]'' :'''2003 Leo''': You don't understand. The Utrom Shredder isn't like your Shredder. He's vicious. :'''2003 Donnie''': Lethal. :'''2003 Mikey''': Competent! :'''2003 Raph''': We go in, there's no saying we come out. :''[The '87 Turtles look at each other]'' :'''Leonardo''': :'''1987''': Let's do this! ''[puts in one hand followed by the other 7 turtles]'' :'''2003''': Today, we are more than allies. We're brothers. :'''1987 Turtles''': '''GO, GREEN MACHINE!''' :'''2003 Turtles''': '''IT'S NINJA TIME!''' :'''1987 Turtles''': '''TURTLE POWER!''' :'''2003 Raph''': Grr! Annoying power. ''[pushes the 1987 turtles]'' :'''1987 Turtles''': Hey! :'''2003 Raph''': Move it, half shell! :'''1987 Michaelangelo''': Quit shovin'! <hr width="50%"/> :''[The two Turtle teams run down a hall in the Technodrome and encounter the Utrom Shredder]'' :'''Utrom Shredder''': Turtles. ''[steps out of a room]'' Thank you for accepting my... humble invitation. :''[The Turtles rush over to attack Utrom Shredder. 2003 Donatello leaps in and kicks him away. 2003 Leonardo and Donatello try to attack him, but Utrom Shredder throws his blades down to them. 2003 Michelangelo kicks him away into the room. The teams chase after him.]'' :'''1987 Michaelangelo''': ''[to his 2003 counterpart]'' Thought you said he was tough. :''[The teams enter the main room where 2003 Splinter is held captive]'' :'''2003 Splinter''': My sons, it is a trap! :''[The teams turn around and the doors behind them close as they face Utrom Shredder in a control room.]'' :'''Utrom Shredder''': If there is one constant in the multi-verse, it is the predictability of you Turtles. ''[gestures to 2003 Splinter]'' Threaten something you hold dear, and you will ignore your better instincts. You should have stayed away. :''[Utrom Shredder presses a button in the room he is in and the whole room turns blue, the wall changes into a dome and the floor beneath the turtles and Splinter cracks underneath. Utrom Shredder is lowered into the room and placed onto a platform as the room has changed into a silver sphere with 8 posts.]'' Now, shall we begin? :''[Electricity from the posts grab the Turtle teams and place them inside.]'' :'''2003 Splinter''': ''[gasps]'' :''[The room begins to spin as the 1987 and 2003 Turtles scream.]'' :'''2003 Raphael''': You plan on doin' us in. There's gotta be an easier way! :'''Utrom Shredder''': Oh, you shall perish, but not yet. You see, like you, I recently learned that our's is but a single dimension in a multiverse of dimensions. Intrigued, I used this very portal to survey them all. Which is when I made a startling, horrible discovery: there are not simple 8 of you, but score of you! Behold! A multiverse of accursed Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! :''[Images of various TMNT dimensions appear including the live action [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990 film)|1990's movies]] and the 2007 movie ''[[TMNT (film)|TMNT]]'']'' :'''1987 Turtles''': '''AWESOME!''' :'''Utrom Shredder''': Destroying the 8 of you would accomplish nothing, so long as Ninja Turtles exist somewhere in the multiverse, they will interfere in the plans of the Shredder! Our epic battle is never going to end, unless I put an end to Turtles '''FOREVER!!''' :'''2003 Splinter''': Even a creature as power mad as you cannot believe he has the ability to subvert the entire multiverse. :'''Utrom Shredder''': Let us put that to a test, vermin. It seems that like branches hanging off a single tree, ''[holographic globes appear]'' each of these dimensions sprang from a common source. Destroy the source and you would set off a chain reaction that would destroy Ninja Turtles everywhere ''[the globes explode to bits]'' '''FOREVER MORE!''' :'''2003 Splinter''': ''[gasps]'' :'''Utrom Shredder''': And so, you are being scanned, broken down for the sole purpose of discovering your source DNA. Two Turtles teams from two Turtle worlds. Different in so many ways. But deep down, there are similarities. :'''2003 Raphael''': ''[screaming]'' :'''Utrom Shredder''': And those similarities shall point the path to the source dimension. :'''2003 Donatello''': ''[screaming]'' :'''Utrom Shredder''': Turtle Prime! :'''1987 Michelangelo''': ''[screaming as he begins to fade away]'' :'''Utrom Shredder''': I only regret you will not survive to witness the end of your... :'''Karai''': Father, we are receiving alarming and unstable energy readings. What is going...''[Utrom Shredder ends her call]'' :''[Utrom Shredder turns back to the Turtles screaming as they begin to fade.]'' :'''2003 Splinter''': No! :'''1987 Michelangelo''': Things like this never happened back home! :'''Computer''': Turtle Prime: located. :'''Utrom Shredder''': It works! The Trans-Dimensional Portal is receiving the coordinates now. Farewell, Turtles! :''[Karai, watching everything from the control room gasps. She narrows her eyes and begins to type away on the computer]'' :'''Utrom Shredder''': ''[laughing maniacally]'' :''[The 2003 and 1987 Turtles continue screaming as they are fading away until they're screams fade away and disappear and the whole room stops spinning.]'' :'''2003 Splinter''': '''NOOOOO!''' :'''Utrom Shredder''': Their demise is only the beginning. ''[presses a button and the Technodrome disappears into thin air.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Turtles are at the Purple Dragons' lair picking up some equipment when they confront a mutated Hun.]'' :'''Hun''': ''[fighting 1987 Michelangelo]'' Now I look in the mirror and all I see is you! ''[punches '87 Michelangelo away]'' :'''1987 Michelangelo''': Oh! :'''Hun''': And I hate you even more! :'''Donatello''': ::'''2003''': Hun, you don't understand. ''[Hun smacks '87 Donatello away]'' ::'''1987''': Aah! ::'''2003''': The Shredder, he– ''[his 80's counterpart hits him, throwing the bag in the air]'' :'''Hun''': ''[picks up the purple bag]'' Forget the Shredder. '''YOU'RE GONNA PAY FOR WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME!''' :'''1987 Raphael''': ''[to the camera/viewer(s); breaking the 4th wall]'' Some people just can't handle change. :'''Hun''': ''[looks at the camera in confusion and picks up '87 Raphael and violently shakes him]'' '''WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING THAT?! WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO?''' '''THERE'S NO ONE THERE!''' :'''2003 Raphael''': You idiot. :'''Hun''': Aah! :'''2003 Raphael''': There ain't gonna be anybody anywhere soon. Look! :''[The white void reached the skyscraper, causing the purple dragons to fade away from existence.]'' :'''Purple Dragon''': Boss, what's happening to...? ''[screaming and disappears]'' :'''1987 Michelangelo''': The whole world is going bye-bye, dude. Pretty soon you'll be going, too. :'''Hun''': No. :'''2003 Donatello''': We need your gear to track him, Hun. To stop him. :'''Hun''': ''[tries to run but gets caught]'' AAH! HURRY! TAKE IT! ''[tosses his bag to the turtles.]'' STOP HIM! STOP THE SHREDDER BEFORE HE... ''[screaming and disappears]'' :'''2003 Leonardo''': You heard the man, let's go stop the Shredder. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mirage Michelangelo''': So, you're supposed to be us... from other worlds. I don't see it. :'''Mirage Donatello''': What's with the multi-colored headbands? :'''Mirage Raphael''': Hmph, sellouts. :'''2003 Raphael''': Uh... ''[grabs '87 Leonardo by the shell]'' Well, check out the initialized belt buckles on these yahoos. :'''1987 Donatello, Raphael, Michelangelo''': Hey! :'''2003 Raphael''': How lame can a turtle get, am I right? ''[his Mirage counterpart grabs and shoves him forward]'' Hey, ow! :'''1987 Turtles''': ''[laugh]'' :'''2003 Raphael''': Geez, what a hardcase! ''[sees the '87 Turtles smile at him]'' What? :'''1987 Turtles:''' Nothing. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Utrom Shredder''': Behold the glorious destruction of a universe. And with it, the end of the Ninja Turtles! ''[evil laughing]'' :''[]'' :'''Mirage Leonardo''': Shredder, we are here! :'''Mirage Donatello''': Shredder, face us. :'''Utrom Shredder''': Ah, the prototypical Turtles. At last. Now with the flick of a switch-- it ends. :'''Mirage Raphael''': Shredder! Do you fear us? :''[]'' :'''Mirage Shredder''': ''[evil laughter]'' I am here! Come and face your... :''[Trash threw at him by the two teams, knocking the comic Shredder off the building. Prime Leo gestures them to hide and they did.]'' :'''Mirage Leonardo''': Shredder! :'''Utrom Shredder''': You speak my name, but you do not know me. I am Ch'rell, Oroku Saki, Duke Accureds-- the one true Shredder. ''[jumps down the rooftop]'' I am a destroyer of worlds and I fear no one! :'''Mirage Leonardo''': Told you he'd take the bait. :''[The 1987 and 2003 Turtles jumps in next to Mirage Turtles]'' :'''2003 Leonardo''': If there's one constant in the multiverse, it's the Shredder's big, fat ego. :'''Utrom Shredder''': Still alive? How can this be? Unless... ''[turns around on Karai on top the Technodrome]'' Karai... you! :'''Karai''': Yes, Father. I used the matter transporter to rescue the Turtles from your scanner. And that's not all. :''[1987 Shredder, Krang and 2003 Splinter joins in.]'' :'''2003 Splinter''': Today my sons do not fight alone. :''[Karai, 1987 Shredder, Krang and 2003 Splinter jumps in and confront Ch'rell the Utrom Shredder inside the Technodrome]'' :'''Rocksteady''': Uh-oh. :'''Bebop''': We is so gonna get yelled at for this. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The giant-sized Utrom Shredder just got clipped by his own destructor beam]'' :'''1987 Donatello''': Looks like we just found something he's vulnerable to! :''[The Mirage Turtles jump off the Utrom Shredder]'' :'''Mirage Raphael''': Yeah, turtles! :'''2003 Donatello''': The Technodrome! :'''Krang''': Hmm... Go figure. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Utrom Shredder''': ''[evil laughter]'' Fools, your pathetic little toys are not enough to stop me. I will... ''[screaming]'' :'''Bebop''': Whew! That was an easy fix. :'''Rocksteady''': The master will be pleased. :'''Utrom Shredder''': ''[screaming]'' No! No! No! I will not... I am... ''[screaming]'': '''NO!!''' ''[becomes vaporized.]'' :''[Turtles laughing]'' :'''Mirage Leonardo''': The Shredder has been shredded. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Donatello''': ::'''1987''': I'd say Turtle Prime is healing up rather nicely. ::'''2003''': It seems the dimensional damage was only temporary, so long as Turtle Prime survived. Which hopefully means... :'''2003 Leonardo''': Our world is healing, too? :'''1987 Donatello''': I know a fun way to find out. :''[They look into their world and saw that everything was restored.]'' :'''2003 Raphael''': Casey! :'''2003 Michelangelo''': April! :''[2003 Casey and April kissing each other when The 1987 Turtles kisses and laughing]'' :'''2003 Raphael''': All right, all right, show's over, you goofballs. :'''1987 Donatello''': I love you, Casey. I love you, April. :'''2003 Michelangelo''': What is wrong with them? :'''Leonardo''': ::'''Mirage''': Leonardo, seriously, for your own good, you bros should lay off the dimension hopping business. It's dangerous. ::'''2003''': Bros? We're bros. :''[They look and saw that the Mirage turtles are gone.]'' :'''1987 Raphael''': Now that's what I call a Ninja vanish. :''[The 1987 and 2003 Turtles, 1987 Shredder, Krang, 2003 Splinter and Karai walked towards the Technodrome.]'' :'''1987 Donatello''': What about your Shredder? Think he's really gone for good this time? :'''2003 Splinter''': The Shredder is seldom gone for long. :'''Karai''': He shall return. :'''1987 Shredder''': Well, when I get back I'm going to zap you all with the giggle ray Krang invented. ''[laughs]'' :'''Krang''': And rest assured, it will be us who get the last laugh. ''[loud belch]'' Excuse me. :''[1987 Shredder and Krang into the Technodrome.]'' :'''Bebop and Rocksteady''': Hey! ''[follow 1987 Shredder and Krang into the Technodrome.]'' :'''Bebop''': Take us with ya. :'''Rocksteady''': We said we was sorry. :''[]'' :'''Leonardo''': ::'''2003''': Take care of yourselves, my brothers. ::'''1987''': See you around the multiverse, bros. :''[The 1987 Turtles climb up the ramp of the Technodrome.]'' :'''1987 Turtles''': It's Ninja time! :'''2003 Turtles''': Turtle Power! :''[The 1987 Turtles waves farewell at the 2003 Turtles and with that, the Technodrome returns to their own 1987 dimension.]'' :'''2003 Raphael''': I'm gonna miss those pudge-balls. Not. :''[The 2003 Turtles, Splinter and Karai return to their own 2003 home world. As the Mirage Turtles are up on the building.]'' :'''Mirage Donatello''': I'm gonna miss those wannabes. :'''Mirage Michelangelo''': Yeah, I kinda dug the initials on the belt buckles. :'''Mirage Raphael''': Hmph, you would. I could go for a slice, though. :'''Mirage Leonardo''': There's that place on Bleecker. ''[The Mirage Turtles jump off the building and run] We are the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. We strike hard and fade away into the night. [Scene ends with the Turtles in their signature jumping pose, which becomes a promotional poster of the original comics]'' :'''Peter Laird''': I think this first issue is coming along rather well, don't you, Kev? :'''Kevin Eastman''': Yeah, sure do, Pete. Hey, let's get back to this after lunch, huh? :'''Peter''': Hmmm, sounds good. Pizza? :'''Kevin''': Yeah, pizza. :'''Pete''': Oh, I hope this thing sells. :'''Kevin''': Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. ''[chuckles]'' ''[As Kevin and Peter leaves for lunch, the camera pans to the cover of the comics' first issue.]'' ===Rated PG=== :'''Irma''': ''[sings "Chocolate Chip Pizza" while playing the Acoustic guitar]'' Yummy. Chocolate Chip Pizza. :'''1987 Turtles''': (shocked) Chocolate chip pizza! :'''April O'Neil''': ''[chuckles]'' Are you chocolate chip pizza? Irma? What is this?! :'''Irma''': Chocolate chip pizza. :'''April O'Neil''': A chocolate chip pizza?! :'''2003 Leo''': What's wrong with chocolate chip pizza. ===Extended version=== :'''Karai''': ''[points her swords to Krang]'' Will you be a nuisance as well? :'''Krang''': ''[burps]'' Never, charming lady. :'''Karai''': I have gone from great lengths to keep visual over my father. But today he vanished from my monitoring systems. When I was able to relocate him... ''[behind Karai, Bebop & Rocksteady attempt to attack her from behind. But Karai, sensing a sneak attack, quickly turns around and kicks Rocksteady and Bebop in the stomach to the ground with two simple kicks.]'' He was here. How is this so? ''[points her swords to '87 Shredder]'' :'''1987 Shredder''': ''[flenches from the swords]'' Aah! The M-Ma-Matter Transporter. We beamed him here! :'''Karai''': ''[turns her attention to the console and walks up to it]'' This technology is now property of the Foot! With it, I will restore my father, the one true Shredder '''TO GLORY!!''' :'''1987 Shredder''': ''One True''? Now wait just... :''[Karai kicks him away in the gut once again and falls on Krang and they both fall on top of Rocksteady and Bebop. Karai places her swords into her shealth and walks up to the console.]'' :'''Krang''': Another fine mess you've gotten us into. :'''1987 Shredder''': ''[annoyed]'' Oh, shut up. <hr width="50%"/> :''[at the 2003 Turtles' lair, they watch their '87 counterparts having chicken fights.]'' :'''2003 Michelangelo''': Come on, Raph. Lighten' up. Our cowabunga cousins aren't so bad. Right guys? :''[the 80s Turtles tackle him to the ground.]'' :'''1987 Turtles''': '''WET WILLY!''' :'''2003 Michelangelo''': Hey you got me! Cut it out! :'''2003 Raphael''': Not bad? They're clowns. Not ninjas. :''[the 80s Turtles pop up, offended.]'' :'''1987 Leonardo/Michelangelo''': Oh yeah?! :'''2003 Raph''': Yeah. :'''1987 Leonardo''': ''[growls]'' :''[2003 Splinter throws his walking stick and it flies past 2003 Raphael and 80s Leonardo and hits the computer.]'' :'''2003 Splinter''': '''ENOUGH!''' Stop this bickering! You only do your enemy's work for him! You are ninja. All of you and all are welcome here. ''[removal his walks stick from the computer]'' Do not embarrass your sensei. ''[walks away]'' :'''1987 Donatello''': He may not look exactly like our Splinter, but he sure sounds like him. :'''2003 Raph''': Yeah, uh, sorry about the clown crack. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Inside the Technodrome, '87 Shredder is giving Ch'rell a tour around the fortress.]'' :'''1987 Shredder''': ''[to Ch'rell]'' And this is our engine room. ''[Ch'rell (being carried by Foot Soldier) looks around with a snarl on his face, showing he's not pleased.]'' Currently under repair unfortunately. ''[1987 Shredder gets a call on his com link.]'' Oh, please excuse me, most honored guest. ''[turns around to answer the com link.]'' :'''Ch'rell''': ''[growls]'' :'''1987 Shredder''': ''[to Krang]'' Krang, what's taking so long? I can't keep this alien entertained forever. :'''Krang''': You should've thought of that... ''[burps]'' ...before you brought it here. This is all your fault. :''[behind '87 Shredder, Ch'rell begins to growl impatiently.]'' :'''Ch'rell''': ''[growling]'' :'''1987 Shredder''': My fault?! What are you talking about?! :'''Ch'rell''': I wish to see the Trans-Dimensional Portal device you spoke of. '''NOW!''' :'''1987 Shredder''': ''[turns around]'' A moment... uh, sir. ''[turns back to Krang]'' Krang?! :'''Krang''': Oh it's ready, ''[chuckles smugly]'' Mighty Shredder. Just give the word. :'''1987 Shredder''': ''[put a gas mask over his mask]'' The word you smug slug is given. :'''Krang''': ''[chuckles, hangs up]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Casey Jones''': So, I still don't get it. Which Shredder is back? Doin' what? To who? :'''1987 Michelangelo''': All I know is we wouldn't be in this mess if it wasn't for your stupid Shredder. :'''Raphael''': :'''2003''': '''Our''' Shredder?! '''YOUR''' Shredder started this whole ''stupid mess'' with his stupid Technodrome '''IN THE STUPID FIRST PLACE'''! :'''1987''': Yeah, but your Shredder's like totally psycho evil. :'''1987 Donatello''': Our's is just decaf. :'''1987 Leonardo''': Yeah. He won't keep you up at night. :'''1987 Leonardo, Donatello, Raphael''': ''[laughing]'' :''[2003 April and Casey look in confusion.]'' :'''Casey Jones''': Your doubles ain't exactly playin' with the full deck are they? :'''2003 Michelangelo''': ''[gets punched under the chin by his '87 counterpart]'' Aah! And they're really annoying. :'''Casey Jones''': Gotcha. Up to speed now. <hr width="50%"/> :''[In a different location underground, the Technodrome is being redesigned by the 2003 Foot Clan.] :'''Krang''': What in the name of Dimension X do you think you're doing?! ''[a Cyber Foot rips open a console with a crowbar]'' I paid a fortune for that console! ''[burps; to another Cyber Foot Ninja]'' '''AND YOU'RE RUINING THE PAIND JOB!''' :'''1987 Shredder''': Silence your insensate wining, Krang. My counterpart is simply giving this tub a much needed refit very generous of him if you ask me. ''[gets up from his command chair and walks up to Krang]'' No doubt he wishes to repay me for rescuing him. :'''Krang''': ''[smiles slyly, points]'' Oh? :'''1987 Shredder''': ''Aah!'' ''[two Cyber Foot Ninjas remove his command chair out of its original place]'' My command chair! ''[a banner falls on him]'' Oh! A-aah! :'''Krang''': Face it, fool. We're under new management. <hr width="50%"/> :'''1987 Shredder''': ''[to Rocksteady & Bebop]'' You traitors, you nincompoops, Ding-Dongs, '''CHUCKLEPUFFS''', '''DIP SKULLS!!''' :'''Rocksteady''': Oh, we said we was sorry, boss. :'''1987 Shredder''': Bah. :'''Bebop''': Come on. No hard feelings? Our new master finds us... ''[snorts]'' amusin' is all. :'''Krang''': Then may he also find you as useful as we always have ''[croaks]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Utrom Shredder approaches the computer in the Technodrome's main room.] :'''Utrom Shredder''': Computer, this is The Shredder. :'''Computer''': Identity confirmed. Recognize: Shredder, Ch'Rell, Oroku Saki, Duke Acureds, Destroyer of... :'''Utrom Shredder''': Computer, I am most intrigued by the implications of this portal. I wish to learn about alternate dimensions! Show me '''EVERYTHING!!''' ''[The computer then powers up]'' :'''Utrom Shredder''': ''[laughing evilly]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Utrom Shredder''': ''[Starting to fade from existence]''... What is happening to me? :'''Karai''': Father, stop! Please! Can you not see? Whatever it is you have done to destroy them, you do it to all of us as well! Our fates are linked to theirs! :''[]'' :'''Utrom Shredder''': No! This cannot be! :'''Karai''': Father, I don't want to lose you again! Destroy them, and you will destroy yourself! I beg you... stop. :'''Utrom Shredder''': No! I am The Shredder! Slayer of Ninja Turtles! If destroying them means the end of everything, '''THEN SO BE IT!''' == Voice cast == {| class="wikitable sortable" style="text-align:center;" |- ! Characters !! [[w:Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Mirage Studios)|'84 Mirage comics]] !! [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987 TV series)|87's cartoon]] !! [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003 TV series)|2003 animated show]] |- ! [[w:Leonardo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Leonardo<br />"Leo"]] | {{w|Jason Griffith}} || [[w:Dan Green (voice actor)|Dan Green]] || {{w|Michael Sinterniklaas}} |- ! [[w:Raphael (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Raphael<br />"Raph"]]''' | {{w|Sean Schemmel}} || {{w|Sebastian Arcelus}} || {{w|Greg Abbey}} |- ! [[w:Michelangelo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Michelangelo<br />"Mikey"]] | Bradford Cameron || Johnny Castro || {{w|Wayne Grayson}} |- ! [[w:Donatello (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Donatello<br />"Donnie"]]''' | Clay Adams || {{w|Tony Salerno}} || {{w|Sam Riegel}} |- ! [[w:Shredder (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|The Shredder]] | [[w:David Wills (voice actor)|David Wills]] || Load Williams || {{w|Scottie Ray}} |- ! [[w:Splinter (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Splinter]] | rowspan="2" style="background:#d3d3d3;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122);" | || David Wills || {{w|Darren Dunstan}} |- ! [[w:April O'Neil|April O'Neil]] | | [[w:Rebecca Soler|Rebecca Soler]] || {{w|Veronica Taylor}} |- ! [[w:Casey Jones (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Casey Jones]] | rowspan="3" style="background:#d3d3d3;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122);" | || rowspan="3" style="background:#d3d3d3;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122);" | || [[w:Marc Thompson (voice actor)|Marc Thompson]] |- ! [[w:Karai (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Karai]] | | Karen Neill |- ! [[w:List of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles characters#Hun|Hun]] | | [[w:Greg Carey (voice actor)|Greg Carey]] |- ! [[w:Krang|Krang]] | rowspan="3" style="background:#d3d3d3;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122);" | || Bradford Cameron || rowspan="3" style="background:#d3d3d3;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122);" | |- ! [[w:Bebop and Rocksteady|Bebop<br>and<br>Rocksteady]] | | Bradford Cameron<br>Johnny Castro |- ! [[w:Irma Langenstein|Irma Langenstein]] | | [[w:Jennifer Darling|Jennifer Darling]] |} ==External links== {{wikipedia}} *{{Commonscat-inline}} {{Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles}} [[Category:2009 animated films]] [[Category:2000s American animated films]] [[Category:American animated TV films]] [[Category:Crossover films]] [[Category:American children's animated science fantasy films]] [[Category:American children's animated superhero films]] [[Category:Crossover animated films]] [[Category:Films based on animated television series]] [[Category:Animated Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles films]] [[Category:Superhero crossover films]] [[Category:Nickelodeon films]] [[Category:Television series finales]] [[Category:Animated films about turtles]] [[Category:Animated films about brothers]] [[Category:Animated films about parallel universes]] [[Category:Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987 TV series)‎]] [[Category:Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003 TV series)‎]] f8r0k8c7812180rac13k8et2i8thoqd 0 123959 3778733 3759624 2025-07-14T14:21:51Z 2601:C2:F01:9970:C452:D2EA:634A:E68E /* Dialogue from movie */ 3778733 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Open Season 2|Open Season 2]]''''' in 102 minutes in Signature Edition is a [[w:2008 in film|2008]] [[w:computer animation|computer-animated]] [[w:comedy film|comedy]] [[w:adventure film|adventure]] direct-to-video film. It is the second installment to ''[[Open Season]]''. The film was produced by [[w:Sony Pictures Animation|Sony Pictures Animation]] and released on September 24, 2008 in Sounth Africa and October 17, 2008 in the United States and Canada Demo DVD & Demo Blu-ray. [[Martin Lawrence]], [[w:Ashton Kutcher|Ashton Kutcher]], and [[Patrick Warburton]] did not return to voice Boog, Elliot, and Ian and were replaced by [[Mike Epps]], [[w:Joel McHale|Joel McHale]], and [[w:Matthew W. Taylor|Matthew W. Taylor]]. Most of the supporting cast reprised their voice roles though. ==Elliot the Deer== * ''[first lines]'' ? * This is a good character-building moment. Elliot, remember you are a wild animal toughing it out! I'll find Mr. Weenie all by myself! I don't need anybody! And I definitely don't need a girlfriend! So what if she tucks me in at night, or listens to my problems? Makes really good pine-cone crunchies, or rubs my head when I have sickies?! Criminy, what have I done?! Giselle! * Uhhhhhhhhhhhh. ''['''Deni''': Everybody, duck!]'' '''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!''''' ''[Screams Echoes ('''Shaw''': What was that? Deer and bear and you so gonna get it!) and Giselle Gasps]'' * As my single life ends, finishes, expires, perishes, goes down in a bizarre ball of flames with no survivors! * Why not? ''['''Boog''': I said" Elliot. Look, It all of this now?]'' * ''[shivers]'' Cold. So cold. * ''[to Boog; off-screen]'' Boog, watch out of the hunters in the waterslide! ==Boog the Grizzly Bear== * Come on, now. Simmer down, y'all. * We didn't give up on them hunters when they invaded the forest! We can't give up on our friend Weenie! * Giselle, we gotta stick together out here. We're partners, right? * Roberto, my main man, I appreciate the help out there. * You guys need a little space? Okay. * Elliot! Weenie! Thank goodness you're safe! * Alright, alright, Elliot, enough about your new rack already, man. ''['''Mr. Squizzy''': Aye! Give it a rest, you freak of nature!]'' * [[The Fox and the Hound|Elliot, don't look!]] * Come on, Weenie, Snap it out. * Boog! I'm Boog! * McSquizzy? He doesn't even like you! * [[The Boss Baby|Elliot, relax. Now let's get a move on, man.]] * You think you so tough? * That just ain't right. * You are nuts! * This is not gonna work! * What are you doing?! * I'm a Grizzly. [[Over the Hedge|No biggie.]] We'll just walk right in. * Look, just like that little guy. ''(Cuts to a Rabbit that got in Pet Paradiso) ['''Man on Speaker''': Wild Animal Breach!!] (Rabbit Gets shot by Tranquilizer darts.)'' * Now where's that Weenie? * ''[to Mr. Weenie]'' Come here, you! * When did you start thinking McSquizzy was your BFF? ==Fox Jaws== Random ==Giselle== * That's it. I'm going home. * Oh, Elliot. That's the most romantic thing you ever-- * Okay. Who's got the next brilliant idea? ==McSquizzy== * No she's not! You are! * That's crap! * Hey, does anyone know where we are? Eh, didn't think so! * Oye! Give it a rest ya freak of nature! * Yeah! And without her, we never would've found Weenie and that giant tin canned thing! * OYE! You're goin' the wrong way ya choob! * Aye! We could tunnel our way in! * Oh there's a great idea! A one-pound bag of crazy, liftin' a 1200-pound bag of lazy! *"Why you got me sick! [Start retching then vomits] *"I don't worry weenie, I'll rescue you! *"Was I got 101000 acorns for you. *"That's stupid head! NOW YOU WANNA GET ME AND CAPTURE MY TEAM?!?! *"''[pauses out]'' *GAPS* Oh boy. Here comes that dog again. Come on team, let's go home. ==Fifi== * Uh-oh! * One pit stop, coming up. (Starts Retching then Throws up.) * I was once in the vicious clutches of wild animals. * Speak of the devil. Disgusting. * Don't worry, we will get through it together. * I'm coming, mother. * Oh, Roberto, that's beautiful! * Get lost, old lady! This does not concern you! * I'm gonna tear you apart! * We'll have to see how much those insidious wilds have done to him! * You know, Roberto, those doggy treats are filled with carbohydrates. * Oh, Roberto. I can't, I can't do this. * [[The Secret of NIMH|Roll over. Roll over.]] ''['''Mr. Weenie''': Nein!]'' * That was rhetorical, moron!? * How are you gonna look sitting by the pool? * I know. It was worse. I've been through it, too. * Put down those treats. You've eaten enough. * It's too painful for me to talk about. ...Gather round. * It would mean you should stick to the lean proteins, the meats, the poultries. * ''[Sighs]'' Poor, poor Weenie. Who knows the horrors you've seen? ==Mr. Weenie the Dog== * Insidious vilds? Nein! Ze vild animals are my friends! * It's so good! * Never forget who you are! In here! * Let's go find ze fat bear! * [[A Streetcar Named Desire (1951 film)|Oh! He's going to blow!]] * ''[Gasps]'' No! The food of oppression! I must be strong! ...Oh, maybe just a taste... Nein! Ja? Nein! Ja? Nein! Ja? Nein! * Nooo! * "Pieces," you strudelkopf! * But I am ze same! * Oh no! Full moon! * Now, say it vith me: I'm vild! * WHEEEEEEEE!!! * Oh, thank goodness! You've come for me! * Elliot, you fool! (Mr. Weenie to hold the by Elliott's Chicks and screaming) It's not, Elliot? ==Ian the Deer== Random ==Serge== * ? ==Others== *'''Woman''': Fifi. Fifi, stop! Do you hear me?! ''['''Roberto''': C'mon, helped the brother out.]'' ==Dialogue from movie== :'''Roberto''': [''Seeing Fifi's zit on his tail from being zapped by a bug lighter in his tragic story''] It's so pink! <hr width=50%/> :'''Roger''': [''Upon seeing Elliot, who is disguised as an elderly lady''] That's Mrs. Schlapiano! :'''Fifi''': Get lost, old lady! This does not concern you!? <hr width=50%/> :'''Boog''': Random :'''Elliot''': As my single life ends, finishes, expires, PERISHES... goes down in a bizarre ball of flames with no survivors! :'''Boog''': Elliot, relax. Now, let's get a move on, man. :'''Mr. Weenie''': Yeah. We go to the wedding. :'''Serge''': Wedding? [''Deni quacks''] :'''Buddy''': Nuptials. :'''Elliot''': ? :'''Buddy''': Hurry, Elliot! Come on! ''[?]'' :'''Boog''': Huh?! ''[all gasps]'' :'''Ducks''': Uh-oh! :'''Elliot''': I'm fallin' ''(down.) [?]'' :'''All''': Ooooooh!!!! :'''Buddy''': Careful! :'''Boog''': Oh, snap! :'''McSquizzy''': Oh, that was very smooth! :'''Boog''': [[The Fox and the Hound|Elliot, don't look!]] :'''Serge''': Easy! :'''Elliot''': Uhhh. :'''Serge''': It’s gonna be alright. :'''Boog''': Aww, he looked. :'''Mr. Weenie''': ''[shocked]'' [[A Streetcar Named Desire (1951 film)|He's going to blow!]] :'''Elliot''': Uhhhhhhhhh! :'''Deni''': EVERYBODY, DUCK!! :'''Elliot''': ''[OFF-SCREEN]'' [[Ice Age (2002 film)|'''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!''''']] ''[birds flies away as White Fink Sans Text: "SCREAMS" ('''Shaw''': [from first film] I know it, that bear is corrupted my buck!) and Skunks and Giselle gasps]'' :'''Giselle''': ''[pauses out]'' Was that Elliot? :'''Rosie''': ? <hr width=50%/> :'''Fifi''': [''After being stopped by his owner just as he was about to kills a rabbit near a dumpster''] I'm coming, mother. <hr width=50%/> :'''Charlene''': Oh, Fifi! Will he ever be the old Mr. Weenie we knew and loved?! :'''Fifi''': We can only hope. :'''Mr. Weenie''': But I ''am'' ze same! <hr width=50%/> :[''As he is trying to tell Giselle how he really feels, Elliot is continuously interrupted by birds and Deni''] :'''Elliot''': Why do these birds and ducks suddenly appear every time you're near?! ...Unless, like me... they long to be... :[''Deni quacks again, but Elliot ignores him''] :'''Elliot''': ...Close to you. <hr width=50%/> :[''Boog is proud of Elliot since he finally managed to say, "I do" during he and Giselle's wedding''] :'''Boog''': That's my main man! :'''Elliot''': [''Singing''] ''Close to you!'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Boog''': We didn't give up on them hunters when they invaded the forest! We can't give up on our friend Weenie! :'''Elliot''': The Boogster's right! [''Points at Boog''] <hr width=50%/> :[''Repeated line''] :'''Elliot''': GISEEEEEEEEELLE!!!!!!!!!! <hr width=50%/> :[''Elliot has accidentally locks Mr. Weenie in the RV during their escape back to the forest so they wouldn't get caught''] :'''Mr. Weenie''': [''Banging on the door''] Elliot! You fool! <hr width=50%/> :'''Fifi''': Poor, poor Weenie. Who knows the horrors you've seen? :'''Mr. Weenie''': Vhat horrors? :'''Fifi''': Don't worry. We will get through it together. :'''Mr. Weenie''': Actually, it wasn't zat bad. :'''Fifi''': I know. It-was-worse. I've been through it, too. :'''Roger''': [''Stunned''] Really?! <hr width=50%/> :[''Fifi and Roberto enter Pet Paradiso, but Fifi hesitates to go due to the bald spot being exposed on his head''] :'''Roberto''': Come on, Fifi. I think a bald spot makes you look more... sophisticated. Singe is the new pompadour. :'''Fifi''': Oh, shut up! <hr width=50%/> :'''Charlene''': Oh, Rufus! [''Points''] There you are! How's my shinin' star? :'''Rufus''': Why, Charlene, look at you! Don't you look prettier than a glob of butter on a stack of wheat cakes! Mm-mm-mm! :'''Charlene''': Oh, goodness me! Thank you, Rufus. Oh, may I? :'''Rufus''': Well, I'd be much obliged. :[''Charlene sniffs Rufus' butt''] <hr width=50%/> :'''Elliot''': Forever ''and'' ever?! :'''Ian''': [''To Giselle''] Still time to change your mind. :'''Giselle''': Ew! What?! <hr width=50%/> :'''Mr. Weenie''': [''Sees Elliot and the gang coming to rescue him from Bob and Bobbie's trailer''] Oh, thank goodness! You've come for me! :'''Elliot''': No need to worry. <hr width=50%/> :[''Repeated line''] :'''Mr. Weenie''': ''Nein''! <hr width=50%/> :'''Boog''': Look, man. We need Giselle. She's a great tracker. :'''McSquizzy''': Yeah! And without her, we never would've found Weenie and that giant, tin-canned thing! :'''Elliot''': [''Scoffs''] Beginner's luck! <hr width=50%/> :'''Roberto''': Oh, man, is this good. Hey, Fifi, you want some? :'''Fifi''': You know, Roberto, those doggy treats are filled with carbohydrates. :'''Roberto''': And if I could pronounce that word, that would mean what? :'''Fifi''': It would mean you should stick to the lean proteins, the meats, the poultries. How are you gonna look sitting by the pool? :'''Roberto''': I don't know. Hot and really happy. :'''Fifi''': That was rhetorical, moron! Put down the treats! You've eaten enough! :[''Fifi licks himself; Roberto shakes himself, having water thrown all over Fifi, who stops licking himself''] :'''Fifi''': I'm... going to pretend I didn't see that. :'''Roberto''': Hey, Fifi? :'''Fifi''': Yes? :'''Roberto''': How long do you think it is 'till we stop? 'Cause I gotta ''poop''. :[''Pauses out for a few seconds, then Roberto farts''] :'''Roberto''': Seriously, I gotta poop, real bad. :'''Fifi''': I said that it was going to be a long ride, but you never listen! Just like you didn't listen when I told you not to eat the entire leftover Burrito Grande! <hr width=50%/> :'''McSquizzy''': [''Upon seeing Buddy disguised as Elliot's blue wig; to Giselle, who is disguised as a dalmatian, while McSquizzy is disguised as a chihuahua''] Wow! I didn't see him up there, did you? <hr width=50%/> :[''At Pet Paradiso, there is a fight between the wilds and the pets; Fifi and Mr. Weenie run by Fifi's owner''] :'''Fifi's Owner''': [''Upon seeing Mr. Weenie; gasps''] Mr. Weenie?! <hr width=50%/> :[''During the musical number for "Close to You"''] :'''Stanley and Roger''': [''Singing''] ''La la-la-la-la, close to you'' :[''Stanley backs away from Roger and makes a sick face''] :'''Stanley''': Not *too* close... <hr width=50%/> :'''Boog''': Come on, Giselle. We gotta stick together out here. We're partners, right? [Mr. Weenie and Elliot Screaming at you next to Boog] <hr width="50%"/> :[''Elliot does a long gasp''] :'''Elliot''': [''Points at Boog''] Boog! You traitor! ''[Points at Giselle]'' And you... traitor.. ex! [''Giselle looks offended''] :'''Elliot''': Enjoy your new-found partnership! :'''Boog''': Oh, come on, Elliot-- :'''Elliot''': I don't need any of you! I'll find Mr. Weenie on my own! [''Points at himself''] So long! :[''Elliot then turns to leave''] :'''McSquizzy''': Hey! You're going the wrong way, ya choob! :'''Elliot''': [''Sarcastically''] Oh, thank you very much! This is a shortcu-- :[''Elliot falls off of a cliff and screams''] :'''Elliot''': I'm okay guys! You don't care. :'''McSquizzy''': Not really! Was that too harsh? <hr width=50%/> :'''Elliot''': Isn't this great, Boog? :'''Boog''': What's guilty? :'''Elliot''': Well, not great that Weenie's been kidnapped, but great that we're livin' life on the edge! It's just like old times! Two guys, out on the road! :'''Giselle''': Hey, guys. Room for one more? :'''Boog''': For sure! <hr width=50%/> :[''At the end of the musical number of "Close to You," Elliot antler cracks off for the second time''] :'''Boog''': Ooh. [''A scared Elliot stares wide-eyed at the screen''] That just ain't right. :'''Elliot''': [''Last Frustrated; off-screen''] Oh, come ON! <hr width=50%/> :'''Fifi''': We'll have to see how much damage those insidious wilds have done to him! :'''Mr. Weenie''': Insidious vilds?! ''Nein''! Ze vild animals are my friends! :[''The pets gasp in shock''] :'''All''': Friends?! :'''Fifi''': Your friends?! Your friends?! It is worse than I chould have ever imagined! Your friends?! It's worse than I could have ever imagined! He's gone... FERAL! :[''Roberto, Rufus, and Charlene gasp, wide-eyed''] :'''All''': Feral?! :'''Roberto''': What's that mean? :'''Charlene''': Oh, Fifi! What shall we do?! :'''Rufus''': You heard the lassie! What do we do? :'''Stanely''': Can he be cured? :'''Fifi''': Yes, but it won't be pretty. Prepare... the ''tent''. [''Roberto, Rufus, and Charlene gasp''] :'''All''': The tent?! :'''Roberto''': Not the tent! :'''Fifi''': Oh yes... the ''tent''. <hr width=50%/> :[''While trying to find a way to sneak into Pet Paradiso''] :'''Giselle''': Okay. Who has an idea? :'''Boog''': I'm a Grizzly. No Biggie! We'll just walk right in! Look, just like that little guy. (''points to a rabbit who was near Pet Paradiso'') :'''Alarm''': Wild animal breach! (''guards shot tranquilizer darts at the rabbit, knocking him out'') :'''Giselle''': Okay. Who's got the next brilliant idea? :'''McSquizzy''': Aye, it's easy! We could tunnel our way in! :'''Serge''': Or we could fly you all in! :'''McSquizzy''': Oh, there's a great idea. A 1-pound bag of crazy! Liftin' a 1200-pound bag of lazy! :'''Boog''': What?! I'm 900 pounds! :'''McSquizzy''': That's crap! :'''Boog''': Oh, you think you so tough? :[''Boog and McSquizzy begin to fight; Boog smacks McSquizzy, and everyone starts overlapping''] :'''McSquizzy''': Come on, is that your best shot?! :'''Giselle''': Stop it! [''Hits Boog's belly''] STOP IT! :[''Boog and McSquizzy stop fighting''] :'''McSquizzy''': Shove off! :'''Giselle''': Grow up, you Two! :[''They groan in disapproval''] :'''Giselle''': Now come on. Let's stay on track. <hr width=50%/> :'''Boog''': [''Disguised as a sheepdog''] Elliot! Weenie! Thank goodness you safe! :[''Elliot and Weenie both scream; Boog slams them into his chest''] :'''Boog''': Shh! What are you doin'?! :'''Elliot''': Who are you?! :'''Boog''': What do you mean?! I'm your best friend! :'''Elliot''': McSquizzy? :'''Boog''': '''''McSQUIZZY?!''''' He doesn't even like you! :'''Elliot''': Look, I'm not talkin' to some random overweight sheepdog about my personal relationships! [''Turns away from Boog and crosses his arms''] :'''Boog''': It's me! Boog! :'''Elliot''': Boog's fat. [''slaps Boog's tummy''] No way. :'''Boog''': [''Annoyed''] Elliot! :'''Elliot''': Huh? [''Turns around''] Wow! It is you! Did you lose weight? :'''Boog''': When did you start thinkin' McSquizzy was yo BFF? :'''Elliot''': Ooh! Ha ha. Well, you were hibernating. And we were hangin'. Turns out we have a lot in common. We both like nuts. :'''Boog''': ''YOU'' ARE NUTS!! :'''Mr. Weenie''': [''Running up to Boog and grabbing his belly''] Stop this insanity! Vere are ze others?! :'''Boog''': What?! They inside lookin' for you! :'''Serge''': And they're captured!(''Serge and Deni scream at Boog'') :'''Boog''': Oh, come on! ''Boog!'' :'''Serge''': No, Boog's a big fat guy. He's not you. :'''Elliot''': I know! I thought he was McSquizzy, too! :'''Boog''': OK, STOP! WOULD YOU ALL STOP?!?! <hr width=50%/> :'''Elliot''': RABBIT FIIIIGHT!!! <hr width=50%/> :[''Elliot and Boog are trying to sneak into Pet Paradiso to save Mr. Weenie; Boog is disguised as an Old English Sheepdog and Elliot is disguised as an old lady, with Buddy serving as his blue wig''] :'''Boog''': This is not gonna work! :'''Elliot''': Don't doubt me, #2 friend. Trust the plan! :'''Buddy''': Trust the plan! <hr width=50%/> :[''As Mr. Weenie is being taken away by his owners Bob and Bobbie''] :'''Mr. Weenie''': '''''NOOOOO!''''' :'''Elliot''': '''''NOOOOO!''''' :[''The RV drives off; trying to calm down, Elliot starts panting hardly''] <hr width=50%/> :'''Roberto''': [''Upon seeing Buddy in the pets' tent''] He's so blue. <hr width=50%/> :'''Ian''': Oh, and Giselle, there's still some time if you'd rather be served some beefcake instead of the pansy-loaf. If you know what I mean. And I think you do. <hr width=50%/> :[''During the rabbit fighted''] :'''Mr. Weenie''': [''Referring to Boog''] Let's go find ze fat bär! <hr width=50%/> :'''Roger''': Stanley, old buddy! :'''Stanley''': [''Sighs''] Here we go. :'''Roger''': Stanley, it's been ages! :'''Stanley''': Actually, it's been exactly ''one year'', Roger. :'''Roger''': Really?! It seems like such a long time. :'''Stanley''': Look, do I have to explain this again, we go to Pet Paradiso every year at the same time, and painfully, we have the same conversation. :'''Roger''': We do? :'''Stanley''': Yes! Yes, we do! Is this ringing a bell? [''Pauses for a few seconds''] :'''Roger''': Stanley, it's been ages! :'''Stanley''': It's gonna be a long week. <hr width=50%/> :[''During the musical number of "Close to You," Roberto is singing to Fifi, who is completely bald and looks humiliated and mad''] :'''Roberto''': [''Singing''] ''Da da-da-da-da, close to you'' :'''Fifi''': Oh Roberto, that's beautiful! <hr width=50%/> :'''Elliot''': From this day forward, domestics and wilds will live together... as one! :'''Boog''': Not ONE. TEN. :'''Roberto''': Speaking of that has made me hungry. Come along, let's get a little snack at Jumbo Convience. :'''Boog''': Uh, nope. I think we- ''[finds Ronberto eating peanutbutter and slurping lemonade]'' Oh, no. <hr width=50%/> :'''McSquizzy''': Hey! Does anybody know where we are?! :[''Nobody answers''] :'''McSquizzy''': Eh! Didn't think so! <hr width=50%/> :'''Elliot''': This is a good character-building moment. Elliot, remember you are a wild animal toughing it out! I'll find Mr. Weenie all by myself! I don't need anybody! And I definitely don't need a girlfriend! [''Gasps''] So what if she tucks me in at night, or listens to my problems? Makes really good pine-cone crunchies, or rubs my head when I have sickies?! CRIMINY, WHAT HAVE I DOOOOOOOOOONE?!?!?!? :[''Elliot falls down''] :'''Elliot''': '''''GISEEEEEEELLE!!!!!!''''' :'''Weenie''': CALM DOWN, LAD! :'''Elliot''': NO, GISELLE FELL IN LOVE WITH A WHITE DOG THAT CARES ABOUT HER! AND YOU MILKYYYYYY!!!! ''[Knocks himself out with a baseball bat]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Mr. Weenie''': No! Ze food of oppression! I must be strong? [''Pauses''] Oh, maybe just a taste... [''Weenie goes to take a bite, but immediately refuses''] ''Nein''! [''Weenie goes to take a bite, but refuses''] ''Ja''? ''Nein''! [''He continues this''] ''Ja''? ''Nein''! ''Ja''? ''Nein''! :'''Ian''': Random <hr width=50%/> :''[Repeated line]'' :'''Charlene''': Goodness me! <hr width=50%/> :'''Fifi''': You know I hate doing this. :'''Roberto''': But you do it so well. Can you hurry along? :[''Fifi walks to his owner and sits on her lap''] :'''Fifi's Owner''': Oh, come here, baby Fifi. :'''Fifi''': One pit stop, coming up. :[''Fifi wretches and barfs on the floor''] :'''Fifi's Owner''': Ohh! Gross! No, Fifi! No! <hr width=50%/> :'''Elliot''': Have you seen my new horns? They're completely natural! <hr width=50%/> :[''Fifi sniffs something and sees a rabbit near a dumpster''] :'''Fifi''': Speak of the Devil. Disgusting. :'''Roberto''': Oh, no. Not the fuzzy little bunny. :'''Fifi''': Don't you understand? We must remain vigilant! Even one wild animal among us can send us back to those dark days of anarchy. <hr width=50%/> :'''Roger''': Ice cream! Mine, Mine, mine!!! <hr width=50%/> :'''Mr. Weenie''': I'm vild! <hr width=50%/> :'''Stanley''': Hey Fifi! Did you hear they found Mr. Weenie? Isn't that great? :'''Roger''': Really?! <hr width=50%/> :[''Fifi is telling the story of him being scared by wild animals in bushes''] :'''Fifi''': I've lost 2 things that day: My innocence... and my squeaky toy. :'''Charlene''': [''Gasps''] Oh, you poor, sweet thing! :'''Rufus''': That is one sad tale. :'''Roger''': I want a girlfriend! :'''Stanley''': Don't interrupt now, please! <hr width=50%/> :[''During the musical number of "Close to You"''] :'''Rufus and Charlene''': [''Singing''] La la-la-la-la, close to you :[''They put their faces together and stay like that''] :'''Rufus''': I love this song. <hr width=50%/> :'''Stanley''': Something's not right here. Do you smell something fishy, Roger? :'''Roger''': Barracuda! :[''Stanley sighs''] <hr width=50%/> :''[first lines]'' :'''Elliot''': ? <hr width=50%/> :'''Roger''': Stanley, it's the fishies! :'''Stanley''': [''Steps on Roger''] Not now, Roger! <hr width=50%/> :[''Boog looks at a trailer and then screams''] :'''Giselle''': What is it? [''Boog groans in disgust''] Use your words. [''Boog points to a trailer where a women is grooming her dog''] Okay, I see a woman and her dog. <hr width=50%> :''' Roberto''': Whoa, that's nasty. :''' Fifi''': I have had it! No more! The wild animals have pushed me too far! The next wild I see crawl out of that forest, if they don't have their papers, they're getting a full-Fifi-smackdown! THIS... IS... WAR! <hr width=50%> :'''Boog''': Uh-huh. Look again. [''Giselle and McSquizzy look again to see that woman has heavy make up, they scream and Boog grabs them to keep them quiet''] :'''McSquizzy''': Oh, I'm gonna have nightmares! <hr width=50%/> :'''Roberto''': It's not bad. No one will even notice. :[''Dog walk by and laugh at Fifi's bald spot''] :'''Fifi''': No one will notice? No one will notice? No one will notice? No one will notice? :'''Roberto''': Okay. :'''Fifi''': No one will notice? :'''Roberto''': Okay, I hear you. :'''Fifi''': He noticed. He noticed. :'''Roberto''': Okay. :'''Fifi''': I noticed. :'''Roberto''': Take it--, Fifi. :'''Fifi''': You noticed. :'''Roberto''': I heard you. :'''Fifi''': We all noticed. :'''Roberto''': I got it. :'''Fifi''': I noticed! :'''Roberto''': Forget it. Me and my big mouth. <hr width=50%/> :'''Roger''': (Weenie is trying to escape from the other dogs.) Weenie you're so fast. :'''Stanley''': Careful Roger- (Roger gets ran over by Weenie) Too late. ==Cast== * [[w:Joel McHale|Joel McHale]] - [[w:Elliot (Open Season)|Elliot]] * [[Mike Epps]] - [[w:Boog (Open Season)|Boog]] * [[w:Gary Sinise|Gary Sinise]] - Shaw (2032 release) * [[w:Jane Krakowski|Jane Krakowski]] - [[w:Giselle (Open Season)|Giselle]] * [[Billy Connolly]] - [[w:McSquizzy|McSquizzy]] * [[w:Crispin Glover|Crispin Glover]] - [[w:Fifi (Open Season)|Fifi]] ==Taglines== * This Time It's Pets Vs. Wilds. * This Time Wiener Takes All! * What Does A Bear Do In The Woods? * This Time It's Pets Vs. Wilds. Wiener Takes All! * Boog And Elliot Are Back For More Crazy Adventures! ==2008 Trailer (Mark Elliot)== Random == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{imdb title|id=1107365|title=Open Season 2}} {{Open Season}} {{Sony Pictures Animation}} [[Category:2008 animated films]] [[Category:2000s American animated films]] [[Category:American computer-animated films]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy films]] [[Category:American sequel films]] [[Category:Animated buddy films]] [[Category:Open Season]] [[Category:Direct-to-video animated films]] [[Category:Films directed by Matthew O'Callaghan]] [[Category:Animated films about bears]] [[Category:Films about skunks]] gje2nzivktxwiqdv4rq7h0dfrth04ii 0 124885 3778663 2876735 2025-07-14T13:39:41Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Comedians]]; added [[Category:Comedians from Spain]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778663 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Patricia Conde|Patricia Conde Galindo]]''' (born [[5 October]] [[1979]]) is a [[Spain|Spanish]] actress, comedian, TV presenter and model. == Quotes == * ''Quien no alberga grandes esperanzas no puede resultar decepcionado.'' ** Who doesn't have big hopes can't be disappointed. *** [http://www.fotolog.com/ohadri/21499931# Patricia Conde's Fotolog], quoted from a magazine ''Ayer tuve un sueño'' (22 April 2010) === ''blog oficial Patricia Conde'' === :<small>[http://web.archive.org/20100609092706/patriciacondeblogoficial.blogspot.com/2010/06/que-frase-de-patricia-te-ha-llamado-la.html Official blog ( in spanish)]</small> * ''El amor... energía alternativa.'' ** '''Love... alternative energy.''' * ''La fama no cambia a nadie, lo único que hace es descubrir a los idiotas; si eres un idiota anónimo, sólo lo saben en tu casa y poco más, pero cuando eres famoso, lo sabrán en todo el mundo que lo eres.'' ** Fame doesn't change anyone, it just finds idiots; if you are a anonymous idiot, only your family know it; but if you are famous, all people will know that you are idiot. * ''La popularidad sirve para ayudar a la gente.'' ** The popularity serves to help people. * ''No soy de consejos, soy más de frases hechas como: A mamá mono no le vengas con bananas verdes.'' ** I don't have counsel, I have more idioms as: Don't come to monkey mother with green bananas. * ''"NO" a convertirme en la mejor en nada. Me conformo con conseguir ser la mejor versión de mí misma.'' ** "NOT" to become in the best in something. I'm satisfied with getting the best version of myself. * ''Olé, olé y olé y el que no diga olé, patá en los cojones.'' ** Olé, olé and olé, if someones doesn't say "olé", kick in his testicles. * ''Para mí ser sexy no es casi nada, yo siempre me fijo en lo que tienen las personas por dentro.'' ** '''Being sexy isn't interesting for me, I always look at what people have inside.''' ==External links== {{wikipedia}} *[http://www.patriciaconde.es/ Official Website] * {{imdb name|1358541}} *[http://www.miralatele.com/fotos/television/patricia-conde-presentadora/optimista-humor-risa.htm Biography] {{DEFAULTSORT:Conde, Patricia}} [[Category:Comedians from Spain]] [[Category:Models from Spain]] [[Category:Actresses from Spain]] [[Category:1979 births]] [[Category:Living people]] 8rgyxriu619zjad45s26f4g27fvite8 0 126208 3779052 3777834 2025-07-15T09:39:08Z 2001:8003:DC14:0:FD5D:E728:7CDB:BCED 3779052 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Honoré Daumier 007.jpg|thumb|right|A man who says that he has no time to study does not study even when he does have the time. ~ [[Kim Jong Il]] ]] [[File:Iamblichus.jpg|thumb|right|Attention to the body might be compared to unworthy friends, and is liable to rapid failure; while erudition lasts till death, and for some procures post-mortem renown, and may be likened to good, reliable friends. ~ [[Iamblichus]]]] [[File:StandingBuddha.jpg|thumb|right|The seers of old had fully restrained selves, and were austere. Having abandoned the five strands of sensual pleasures, they practiced their own welfare. The brahmans had no cattle, no gold, no wealth. They had study as their wealth and grain. They guarded the holy life as their treasure. ~ [[Gautama Buddha]]]] [[File:Xun zi.jpg|thumb|right|Learning proceeds until death and only then does it stop. ... Its purpose cannot be given up for even a moment. To pursue it is to be human, to give it up to be a beast. ~ [[Xun Zi]]]] [[File:Seneca-Cordoba.jpg|thumb|right|No man can live a happy life, or even a supportable life, without the study of wisdom. ~ [[Seneca]]]] [[File:M-T-Cicero.jpg|thumb|right|It is essential to every inquiry about duty that we keep before our eyes how far superior man is by nature to cattle and other beasts: they have no thought except for sensual pleasure and this they are impelled by every instinct to seek; but man's mind is nurtured by study and meditation. ~ [[Cicero]]]] [[File:William Winwood Reade (1910) headshot.jpg|thumb|right|As the saints and prophets were often forced to practise long vigils and fastings and prayers before their ecstasies would fall upon them and their visions would appear, so [[Virtue]] in its purest and most exalted form can only be acquired by means of severe and long continued culture of the mind. Persons with feeble and untrained intellects may live according to their [[conscience]]; but the conscience itself will be defective. ... To cultivate the intellect is therefore a religious duty; and when this truth is fairly recognized by men, the religion which teaches that the intellect should be distrusted and that it should be subservient to faith, will inevitably fall. ~ [[William Winwood Reade]]]] '''[[wikt:study|Studying]]''' is the action of attempting to acquire knowledge, either by directly observing phenomena of interest, or by reading the writings of others about these phenomena. == Quotes == * Studies serve for delight, for ornament, and for ability. Their chief use for delight, is in privateness and retiring; for ornament, is in discourse; and for ability, is in the judgment and disposition of business. For expert men can execute, and perhaps judge of particulars, one by one; but the general counsels, and the plots and marshalling of affairs, come best from those that are learned. To spend too much time in studies, is sloth; to use them too much for ornament, is [[wiktionary:affectation#Noun|affectation]]; to make judgment wholly by their rules, is the humour of a [[w:Scholasticism|scholar]]. They perfect nature, and are perfected by experience. For natural abilities are like natural plants, that need [[wiktionary:pruning#Noun|proyning]] by study; and studies themselves do give forth directions too much at large, except they be bounded in by experience. Crafty men [[wiktionary:contemn#Verb|contemn]] studies; simple men admire them; and wise men use them. For they teach not their own use; but that is a wisdom without [outside of] them, and above them, won by observation.<br />Read not to contradict and confute, nor to believe and take for granted, nor to find talk and discourse, but to weigh and consider. Some books are to be tasted, others to be swallowed, and some few to be chewed digested. That is, some books are to be read only parts; others to be read, but not curiously; and some few to be read wholly, and with diligence and attention. Some books also may be read by deputy, and extracts made of them by others; but that would be only in less important arguments, and the meaner sort of books: else distilled books are, like common distilled waters, flashy things. Reading maketh a full man; conference a ready man; and writing an exact man. And, therefore, if a man write little, he had need have a great memory; if he confer little, he had need have a present wit; and if he read little, he had need have much cunning, to seem to know that he doth not. ** [[Francis Bacon]], I. Of studie, ''Essaies'' (Jan, 1597) as quoted by [[Edwin Abbott Abbott|E. A. Abbott]], ''Bacon's essays'' (1876) [https://books.google.com/books?id=2TUCAAAAQAAJ Vol. 2] Essay L, Of Studies, p. 72. With Abbott's Notes related to study, pp. 247-248. * When night hath set her silver lamp on high,<br>Then is the time for study. ** [[Philip James Bailey]], ''Festus'' (1813), scene A Village Feast. * The seers of old had fully restrained selves, and were austere. Having abandoned the five strands of sensual pleasures, they practiced their own welfare. The brahmans had no cattle, no gold, no wealth. They had study as their wealth and grain. They guarded the holy life as their treasure. ** [[Gautama Buddha]], ''[[w:Sutta Nipata|Sutta Nipata]]'', ''The Group of Discourses'', K. R. Norman, trans. (Oxford: 2001), pp. 284-285 * Exhausting thought,<br>And hiving wisdom with each studious year. ** [[Lord Byron]], ''[[Childe Harold's Pilgrimage]]'', Canto III (1816), Stanza 107. * It is essential to every inquiry about duty that we keep before our eyes how far superior man is by nature to cattle and other beasts: they have no thought except for sensual pleasure and this they are impelled by every instinct to seek; but man's mind is nurtured by study and meditation. ** [[Cicero]], ''On Duties'', 1.105 * Me therefore studious of laborious ease. ** [[William Cowper]], ''The Task'' (1785), Book III. The Garden. * '''[[Beautiful]] objects are wrought by [[study]] through effort, but ugly things are reaped automatically without toil.''' ** [[Democritus]] (ca. 4^th century BC). Tr. [[w:Kathleen Freeman (classicist)|Kathleen Freeman]], ''Ancilla to the Pre-Socratic Philosophers: A Complete Translation of the Fragments in [[w:Hermann Alexander Diels|Diels]], Fragmente der Vorsokratiker'' (1948) * A constant element of enjoyment must be mingled with our studies, so that we think of learning as a game rather than a form of drudgery, for no activity can be continued for long if it does not to some extent afford pleasure to the participant. ** [[Desiderius Erasmus]], Letter to Christian Northoff (1497), as translated in ''Collected Works of Erasmus'' (1974), p. 114 * A subject interests me and holds my attention only so long as it presents me with difficulties, only so long as I am at odds with it and have, as it were, to struggle with it; but once I have mastered it I hurry on to something else, to a new subject; for my interest is not confined to any particular field or subject; it extends to everything human. This does not mean that I am an intellectual miser or egoist, who amasses knowledge for himself alone; by no means! What I do and think for myself, I must also think and do for others. But I feel the need of instructing others in a subject only so long as, while instructing others, I am also instructing myself. ** [[Ludwig Feuerbach]], ''Lectures on the Essence of Religion'', R. Manheim, trans. (1967), Lecture 1, p. 2 * Studious of elegance and ease. ** [[John Gay]], ''Fables'' (1727), Part II. No. 8. * For he was studious—of his ease. ** [[John Gay]], ''Poems on Several Occasions'' (Ed. 1752). * In his examination he was not so much interested in Joseph’s Latin or his fingering (in these matters he relied on the teachers’ reports, which he nevertheless spent an hour going over) as whether the boy had it in him by nature to become a musician in the higher sense of the word, whether he had the capacity for enthusiasm, subordination, reverence, worshipful service. ** [[Herman Hesse]], ''The Glass Bead Game'', R. Winton, trans. (1990) * Do not say: ‘When I am free, I will study’; perhaps you will never be free. ** [[Hillel the Elder]], ''Pirkei Avot'' 2:4. * [[Pythagoras]] urged upon the young men … to observe how absurd it would be to rate the reasoning power as the chief of their faculties, and indeed consult about all other things by its means, and yet bestow no time or labor on its exercise. Attention to the body might be compared to unworthy friends, and is liable to rapid failure; while erudition lasts till death, and for some procures post-mortem renown, and may be likened to good, reliable friends. Pythagoras continued to draw illustrations from history and philosophy, demonstrating that erudition enables a naturally excellent disposition to share in the achievements of the leaders of the race. ** [[Iamblichus]], “Life of Pythagoras” * A man who says that he has no time to study does not study even when he does have the time. ** [[Kim Jong Il]], [https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/bp8kelsbemqi81j6mgq6w/ZZZ-Party-Officials-Must-Become-Men-of-Real-Ability-Equipped-with-a-High-Level-of-Political-and-Practical-Qualification.pdf?rlkey=315q9fmvxoqfiqhn546i51o75&e=1&st=gvidc37y&dl=0 Party Officials Must Become Men of Real Ability, Equipped with a High Level of Political and Practical Qualifications (당일 군 은 높은 정치 실무적 자질 을 갖춘 실력가 가 되 여야 한다)], 1971 * ''Navečer před vlastní zkouškou..., Frybort sklapl knihu. „Co umím, umím, za noc to nezhltnu.“'' ** On the evening before the exam..., Frybort shut his book; "I know what I know, I will not swallow it all overnight." *** [[w:Alois Jirásek|Alois Jirásek]], ''Filosofská historie'', ch. 8 * In Judaism, there are 613 biblical commandments, and the Talmud says that the chief commandment of all is study. ** [[Norman Lamm]] ''Seventy faces: articles of faith'' (2002) * Every Israelite has a duty to study, whether he is poor or rich, whether healthy or suffering, whether young or very old and in failing strength, even if he is poor and supported by charity or begs from door to door. ** [[Moses Maimonides]], ''[[w:Mishneh Torah|Mishneh Torah]]'', Treatise 3: “The Study of the Torah,” Chapter 1, Section 8, H. Russell, trans. (1983), p. 51. * As the saints and prophets were often forced to practise long vigils and fastings and prayers before their ecstasies would fall upon them and their visions would appear, so [[Virtue]] in its purest and most exalted form can only be acquired by means of severe and long continued culture of the mind. Persons with feeble and untrained intellects may live according to their conscience; but the conscience itself will be defective. … To cultivate the intellect is therefore a religious duty; and when this truth is fairly recognized by men, the religion which teaches that the intellect should be distrusted and that it should be subservient to faith, will inevitably fall. ** [[William Winwood Reade]], ''The Martyrdom of Man'' (1872), p. 540. * It is clear to you, I am sure, Lucilius, that no man can live a happy life, or even a supportable life, without the study of wisdom. ** [[Seneca]], ''Moral Letters'', R. Gummere, trans. (1917) * I'll talk a word with this same learned Theban.<br>What is your study? ** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[King Lear|King Lear]]'' (1608), Act III, scene 4, line 162. * What is the end of study? Let me know?<br>Why, that to know, which else we should not know.<br>Things hid and barr'd, you mean, from common sense?<br>Ay, that is study's god-like recompense. ** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Love's Labour's Lost]]'' (c. 1595-6), Act I, scene 1, line 55. * Study is like the heaven's glorious sun<br> That will not be deep-searched with saucy looks;<br>Small have continual plodders ever won,<br> Save base authority from others' books. ** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Love's Labour's Lost]]'' (c. 1595-6), Act I, scene 1, line 84. * So study evermore is overshot;<br>While it doth study to have what it would<br>It doth forget to do the thing it should,<br>And when it hath the thing it hunteth most,<br>'Tis won as towns with fire, so won, so lost. ** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Love's Labour's Lost]]'' (c. 1595-6), Act I, scene 1, line 143. * Even if you’re planning to get me married, that will also cost money! Just help me start my studies; I won’t be a burden on you. ** [[Sanu Sharma]], ''Daughter'' * Verily, the soul is content when that which it desires is learned, and becomes importunate in its pursuit when it is spurned. ** [[Usama ibn Munqidh]], ''The Book of the Staff'', translated by Paul M. Cobb (Penguin: 2008), p. 245. * ''Studiis florentem ignobilis oti.'' ** Priding himself in the pursuits of an inglorious ease. ** [[Virgil]], ''Georgics'' (c. 29 BC), 4. 564. * School children and students who love God should never say: “For my part I like mathematics”; “I like French”; “I like Greek.” They should learn to like all these subjects, because all of them develop that faculty of attention which, directed towards God, is the very substance of prayer. ** [[Simone Weil]], “Reflections on the Right Use of School Studies with a View to the Love of God” (1942) * If we have no aptitude or natural taste for geometry this does not mean that our faculty for attention will not be developed by wrestling with a problem or studying a theorem. On the contrary it is almost an advantage. ... Without our knowing or feeling it, this apparently barren effort has brought more light into the soul. ... Every time that a human being succeeds in making an effort of attention with the sole idea of increasing his grasp of truth, he acquires a greater aptitude for grasping it, even if his effort produces no visible fruit. ** [[Simone Weil]], “Reflections on the Right Use of School Studies with a View to the Love of God” (1942) * Learning proceeds until death and only then does it stop. ... Its purpose cannot be given up for even a moment. To pursue it is to be human, to give it up to be a beast. ** [[Xun Zi]], "An Exhortation to Learning," ''Readings in Classical Chinese Philosophy'' (2001), p. 258 * A person who is transformed by the instructions of a teacher, devotes himself to study, and abides by ritual and rightness may become a noble person, while one who follows his nature and emotions, is content to give free play to his passions, and abandons ritual and rightness is a lesser person. ** [[Xun Zi]], “Human Nature is Evil,” ''Sources of Chinese Tradition'' (1999), vol. 1, p. 180 ===''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations''=== :<small>Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 757.</small> * O Granta! sweet Granta! where studious of ease,<br>I slumbered seven years, and then lost my degrees. ** [[Christopher Anstey]], ''New Bath Guide'', Epilogue. * Histories make men wise; poets, witty; the mathematics, subtile; natural philosophy, deep; morals, grave; logic and rhetoric, able to contend. ** [[Francis Bacon]], ''Of Studies''. * ''Hæc studia adolescentiam alunt, senectutem oblectant, secundas res ornant, adversis solatium et perfugium præbent, delectant domi, non impediunt foris, pernoctant nobiscum, peregrinantur, rusticantur.'' ** These (literary) studies are the food of youth, and consolation of age; they adorn prosperity, and are the comfort and refuge of adversity; they are pleasant at home, and are no incumbrance abroad; they accompany us at night, in our travels, and in our rural retreats. ** [[Cicero]], ''Oratio Pro Licinio Archia'', VII. * As turning the logs will make a dull fire burn, so changes of studies a dull brain. ** [[Henry Wadsworth Longfellow]], ''Drift-Wood'', ''Table Talk''. * You are in some brown study. ** [[John Lyly]], ''Euphues''. Arber's Reprint, p. 80. (1579). The phrase is used by Greene—Menaphon. Arber's Reprint, p. 24. (1589). Also in Halliwell's Reprint for the Percy Society of Manifest Detection … of the use of Dice at Play. (1532). * Beholding the bright countenance of truth in the quiet and still air of delightful studies. ** [[John Milton]], ''Reason of Church Government'', Introduction, Book II. * Studious of ease, and fond of humble things. ** [[Ambrose Philips]], ''Epistles from Holland, to a Friend in England'', line 21. * One of the best methods of rendering study agreeable is to live with able men, and to suffer all those pangs of inferiority which the want of knowledge always inflicts. ** [[Sydney Smith]], ''Second Lecture on the Conduct of His Understanding''. == See also == * [[Learning]] * [[Scholarship]] * [[Students]] * [[Teachers]] ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{wiktionary|study}} [[Category:Themes]] [[Category:Occupations]] [[Category:Virtues]] [[ko:공부]] hbkv9chuybfe4fwrt2yluyzgew97f9p 0 126381 3778926 3660726 2025-07-14T22:53:15Z 2600:1007:B0AB:EFF5:0:7:C174:4F01 /* F */ 3778926 wikitext text/x-wiki {{refimprove}} An '''[[w:Epitaph|Epitaph]]''' (from Greek ἐπιτάφιος epitaphios "a funeral oration" from ἐπί epi "at, over" and τάφος taphos "tomb") is a short text honoring a deceased person. Strictly speaking, it refers to text that is inscribed on a tombstone or plaque, but it may also be used in a figurative sense. ==Quotations== Sorted alphabetically by last name. __NOTOC__ [[#A|A]] [[#B|B]] [[#C|C]] [[#D|D]] [[#E|E]] [[#F|F]] [[#G|G]] [[#H|H]] [[#I|I]] [[#J|J]] [[#K|K]] [[#L|L]] [[#M|M]] [[#N|N]] [[#O|O]] [[#P|P]] [[#Q|Q]] [[#R|R]] [[#S|S]] [[#T|T]] [[#U|U]] [[#V|V]] [[#W|W]] [[#X|X]] [[#Y|Y]] [[#Z|Z]] [[#Epitaphs in fiction|Fiction]] [[#Unknown|Unknown]] [[#Unknown soldiers|Unknown soldiers]] [[#Epitaphs in fiction|Epitaphs in fiction]] [[#Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]] [[#See also|See also]] [[#External Links|External Links]] ---- = A = * [[Alexander the Great]] (unknown) ** "A tomb now suffices him for whom the world was not enough" * [[Ayrton Senna]] (Extracted from the Holy Bible) ** "Nada pode me separar do amor de Deus" *** Translation: "Nothing can separate me from the love of [[God]]". * [[Gracie Allen]] and [[George Burns]] (themselves) ** "Together again." * [[Susan B. Anthony]] (unknown) ** "Liberty, Humanity, Justice, Equality" = B = [[File:Baden Powell grave1.jpg|thumb|250px|right|Grave of Robert Baden-Powell]] * [[w:Robert Baden-Powell, 1st Baron Baden-Powell|Robert Baden-Powell]] (by himself) [[w:1857|1857]] - [[w:1941|1941]] ** "Chief Scout of the World" *** This is followed by the trail sign for "gone home" (a circle with a dot in the middle). *[[w:Clyde Barrow|Clyde Barrow]] (unknown) - [[w:1909|1909]] - [[w:1934|1934]] **"Gone but not forgotten." *** Buried beside, and sharing a tombstone with, his brother Marvin (aka "Buck"). *** Outlaw, bank robber and partner of Bonnie Parker * [[Hilaire Belloc]] (unknown) - [[w:1870|1870]] - [[w:1953|1953]] ** "When I am dead, I hope it may be said: His sins were scarlet, but his books were read." *** From ''Sonnets and Verse'' 'On His Books' * [[w:John Belushi|John Belushi]] (unknown) - [[w:1949|1949]] - [[w:1982|1982]] ** "I may be gone but Rock and Roll lives on" * [[w:Jakob Bernoulli|Jakob Bernoulli]] (by himself) - [[w:1654|1654]]-[[w:1705|1705]] ** "Eadem mutata resurgo" *** Translation: "Though changed I shall arise the same" *** Referring to the accompanying inscription of a logarithmic spiral, which remains the same after mathematical transformations. He considered it a symbol of resurrection. CLARIFICATION: Bernoulli called the logarithmic spiral Spira mirabilis, "the marvelous spiral", and wanted one engraved on his headstone. Unfortunately, an Archimedean spiral was placed there instead ([http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bild:Basler_Muenster_Bernoulli.jpg picture]). *EPITAPH, n. An inscription on a tomb, showing that virtues acquired by death have a retroactive effect. ** [[Ambrose Bierce]], ''The Cynic's Dictionary'' (1906); republished as ''The Devil's Dictionary'' (1911). * [[w:Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]] (by himself) - [[w:1908|1908]] - [[w:1989|1989]] ** "That's all, folks!" *** Trademark line of cartoon character Porky Pig, whose voice was provided by Blanc for many years. * [[w:William Bligh|William Bligh]] (unknown) - [[w:1754|1754]] - [[w:1817|1817]] ** "Sacred<br />To The Memory Of<br />William Bligh, Esquire F.R.S.<br />Vice Admiral Of The Blue,<br />The Celebrated Navigator<br />Who First Transplanted The Breadfruit Tree<br />From Otahette To The West Indies,<br />Bravely fought The Battles Of His Country<br />And Died Beloved, Respected, And Lamented<br />On The 7th Day Of December, 1817<br />Aged 64" * [[w:Ludwig Boltzmann| Ludwig Boltzmann]] (by himself) - [[w: 1844|1844]]-[[w:1906|1906]] ** "S = k log W" *** The formula for entropy of a system. Boltzmann committed suicide after failing to convince contemporary scientists of the validity of the formula. Grave in the Zentralfriedhof, Vienna. * John Brown (unknown) ** "Stranger! Approach this spot with gravity! <br />John Brown is filling his last cavity." *** Referencing his occupation in life as a dentist: [http://books.google.pt/books?id=VLY1AQAAMAAJ&q=%22John+Brown+is+filling+his+last+cavity.%22&dq=%22John+Brown+is+filling+his+last+cavity.%22&hl=pt-PT&sa=X&ei=_u38UuG6CobJhAfP1oGQDw&ved=0CGgQ6AEwCTgU] * [[Charles Bukowski]] (by himself) ** "Don't Try" * [[Samuel Butler|Samuel Butler]] (by [[w:Samuel_Wesley_(poet)|Samuel Wesley]]) - [[w:1612|1612]]-[[w:1680|1680]] ** "While Butler, needy wretch, was yet alive,<br>No generous patron would a dinner give;<br>See him, when starv'd to death, and turn'd to dust,<br>Presented with a monumental bust.<br>The poet's fate is here in emblem shown,<br>He ask'd for bread, and he received a stone." = C = * [[Al Capone]] (by himself) ** "My Jesus, mercy" * [[George Carlin]] (suggested by himself) ** "Jeez, he was just here a minute ago." *** This was his suggestion for an epitaph. In reality he was cremated and his ashes scattered. * [[Andrew Carnegie]] (unknown) **"Here lies a man who knew how to enlist the service of better men than himself." * [[Karen Carpenter]] (unknown) **"A star on Earth--a star in Heaven" * [[George Washington Carver]] (unknown) ** "He could have added fortune to fame, but caring for neither, he found happiness and honor in being helpful to the world." *[[Anton Cermak]] (by himself) **"I'm glad it was me instead of you." ***His last words, uttered to President-elect [[Franklin D. Roosevelt]] * [[Walter Chiari]] (by himself) ** "O friends, don't cry - it's just unused sleep." * [[Agatha Christie]] (from Edmund Spenser's "The Faerie Queene") ** "Sleepe after toyle, port after stormie seas, ease after war, death after life doth greatly please." * [[Brian Cawley]] (by himself) ** "Hurray, no more Council Tax". [[File:St Michael, South Grove, Highgate - Ledger slab - geograph.org.uk - 2673524.jpg|thumb|Grave of Samuel Taylor Coleridge]] * [[Samuel Taylor Coleridge]] (by himself) ** "Stop, Christian Passer-by! - Stop, child of God,<br>And read with gentle breast. Beneath this sod<br>A poet lies, or that which once seem'd he. <br>O, lift one thought in prayer for S.T.C.;<br>That he who many a year with toil of breath<br>Found death in life, may here find life in death!<br>Mercy for praise - to be forgiven for fame<br>He ask'd, and hoped, through Christ. Do thou the same!" *[[w:Ian Curtis|Ian Curtis]] (Himself) **"Love Will Tear Us Apart" *** Singer/Songwriter of the band [[w:Joy Division|Joy Division]] *** Chosen for his headstone by his wife Deborah Curtis. = D = [[File:Cecil Day Lewis headstone, geograph.jpg|thumb|Grave of Cecil Day-Lewis]] *[[Rodney Dangerfield]] (himself) - [[1921]] - [[2004]] **"There goes the neighborhood." *[[Somebody's Darling]] (William Rigney) **"Somebody's Darling Lies Buried Here" *** In February 1865 a body was found at Horseshoe Bend in the Clutha River (in the South Island of New Zealand). * [[Bette Davis]] ([[w:Joseph L. Mankiewicz|Joseph L. Mankiewicz]]) ** "She did it the hard way" * [[Jefferson Davis]] (unknown) **"At Rest<br>An American Soldier<br>And Defender of the Constitution" * [[Sammy Davis Jr.]] (by Altovise Davis and his children) **"The Entertainer. He Did it All." *** In addition to Altovise Davis, his children-Tracey, Mark, Jeff and Manny--are also mentioned in his grave. * [[Cecil Day-Lewis]] (himself) **"Shall I be gone long?<br>For ever and a day.<br>To whom there belong?<br>Ask the stone to say.<br>Ask my song." * [[Emily Dickinson]] (herself) **"Called back" * [[Curly Joe DeRita]] (unknown) **"The Last Stooge" *** Last surviving member of [[The Three Stooges]]. * [[John Donne]] (Himself) **"He lies here in the dust but beholds Him<br>whose name is Rising." * Sir [[Arthur Conan Doyle]] (unknown) **"Steel true<br>blade straight" * [[w:Claude Duval|Claude Duval]] (unknown) ** "Here lies Duvall; Reader, if male thou art,<br>Look to thy purse; if female, to thy heart." *[[w:Diophantus|Diophantus]] of Alexandria (Metrodous, 4th century CE) **"This tomb holds Diophantus. Ah, what a marvel! And the tomb tells scientifically the measure of his life. God vouchsafed that he should be a boy for the sixth part of his life; when a twelfth was added, his cheeks acquired a beard; He kindled for him the light of marriage after a seventh, and in the fifth year after his marriage He granted him a son. Alas! late-begotten and miserable child, when he had reached the measure of half his father's life, the chill grave took him. After consoling his grief by this science of numbers for four years, he reached the end of his life." (Greek Anthology, 14.126) = E = *[[Wyatt Earp]] (unknown) ** Nothing's So Sacred As Honor<br>And<br>Nothing's So Loyal As Love. *[[w:Eazy-E|Eazy-E]] (Eric Wright) ** We loved him a lot. But God loved him more. *[[w:Edward_I_of_England|Edward I of England]] (unknown) **"Hic est Edwardvs Primus Scottorum Malleus" *** Translation: "Here is Edward I, Hammer of the Scots" = F = * [[Peter Falk]] (himself)- [[1927]]-[[2011]] ** "I'm not here<br>I'm home with Shera" * [[William Faulkner]] (unknown)- [[1897]]-[[1962]] ** "William Cuthburt Faulkner <BR> Born Sept. 25 1897 <BR> Died July 6, 1962" ** Belove'd Go With God. * [[W.C. Fields]] (unknown)- [[1880]]-[[1946]] ** "W. C. Fields 1880 - 1946" *** In a 1925 article in ''Vanity Fair'' Fields had proposed the epitaph "'''Here lies W.C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia.'''" because of his long-standing jokes about Philadelphia (he was actually born there), and the grave being one place he might actually not prefer to be. This is often repeated as "On the whole, I'd rather be in Philadelphia." which he might have stated at other times, and sometimes is distorted into a last dig at Philadelphia: "Better here than in Philadelphia." His actual tomb at Forest Lawn in Glendale, California simply reads as above. * [[F. Scott Fitzgerald]] (himself; from [[The Great Gatsby]]) ** "So we beat on, boats against<br>the current, borne back<br>ceaselessly into the past." * [[Benjamin Franklin]] (himself) ** "The Body of B. Franklin, printer <br>Like the Cover of an old Book <br>Its Contents torn out <br>And stripped of its Lettering & guilding <br>Lies here food for [[worms]] <br>For, it will as he believed appear once more <br>In a new and more elegant edition <br>Corrected and improved by the Author." * [[Betty Friedan]] 1921-2006 ** "If not now, when?" * [[Robert Frost]] (himself) ** "I had a lover's quarrel with the world" * [[R. Buckminster Fuller]] (himself) ** "Call Me Trimtab" *** A trim tab is a small surface connected to a control surface on an aircraft or boat. It stabilizes the orientation of the craft, reducing the need for operator input, by influencing the position of the larger control surface. Fuller described a ship’s trim tab as “a miniature rudder” and said “the little individual can be a trim tab,” influencing the direction of society by “doing dynamic things mentally.” (''Playboy'', February 1972) = G = * [[w:Rene Gagnon|Rene Gagnon]] (unknown) [[w:1925|1925]] - [[w:1979|1979]] ** "For God And His Country<br>He Raised Our Flag In Battle<br>And Showed A Measure Of His<br>Pride At A Place Called "Iwo Jima"<br>Where Courage Never Died" * [[John Gay]] (himself) [[w:1635|1635]] - [[w:1732|1732]] ** "Life's a jest, and all things show it;<br>I thought so once, and now I know it." * [[w:Jackie Gleason|Jackie Gleason]] (himself) [[w:1916|1916]] - [[w:1987|1987]] ** "And away we go!" *** Trademark catchphrase from his television shows. * [[w:Mane Garrincha|Mane Garrincha]] [[w:1933|1933]] - [[w:1983|1983]] ** "Here rests in peace the one who was the Joy of the People – Mané Garrincha." * [[Mahatma Gandhi]] [[w:1869|1869]] - [[w:1948|1948]] ** "Hey Ram" *** Translated "O, lord!", supposed last words after being shot. As he was cremated, the epitaph appears on his samadhi, a black marble platform that marks the site of his cremation. * [[Betty Grable]] (Victoria James, her daughter) [[w:1916|1916]] - [[w:1973|1973]] **"Betty Grable James, 1916-1973" *** Betty Grable was married to bandleader [[Harry James]] from 1943 until 1965. She is buried at Inglewood (California) Park Cemetery, between her parents. Her father, Conn Grable, is buried below her, while her mother is buried above her crypt. * [[Kenneth Grahame]] ([[w:Anthony Hope|Anthony Hope]], his cousin) [[w:1859|1859]] - [[w:1932|1932]] **"To the beautiful memory of Kenneth Grahame, husband of Elspeth and father of Alastair, who passed the River on the 6 July 1932, leaving childhood and literature through him the more blest for all time". * [[Sharon Grant-Henry]] ([[w:Mary Wickline|Mary Wickline]], her life partner) [[w:July 4, 1949|July 4, 1949]] - [[w:February 3, 2004|February 3, 2004]] ** "So the lively force of her mind<br />Has broken down all barriers,<br />And she has passed far beyond<br />The limited hold of human existence;<br />Forever now, in mind and spirit...<br />She traverses the boundless universe." *** Adapted from [[Lucretius]]. *[[Merv Griffin]] (by himself) **"I will not be right back after this message" *** He ended the final episode of his talk show, which ended in 1986, with these words. * [[w:Michael Grzimek|Michael Grzimek]] [[w:1934|1934]] - [[w:1959|1959]] **"He gave all he possessed, including his life, for the wild animals of Africa" *[[Santiago Vizan Gulizia]] **"I dont regret anything, thanks" *** In reference to his wild lifestyle. = H = * [[Alexander Hamilton]] - [[w:1757|1757]] - [[w:1804|1804]] ** TO THE MEMORY OF <br />Alexander Hamilton, <br />The CORPORATION OF TRINITY CHURCH Has erected this <br />MONUMENT <br /> in Testimony of their Respect <br />For <br /> The PATRIOT of incorruptable INTEGRITY. <br /> The SOLDIER of approved VALOUR. <br /> The STATESMAN of consummate WISDOM. <br /> Whose TALENTS and VIRTUES will be admired <br />BY<br /> Grateful Posterity <br /> Long after this MARBLE shall be mouldered into DUST <br /> He died July 12th 1804. Aged 47. *** Alex rests at the far south side facing Wall Street, his wife Elizabeth is next to him, his son Philip is nearby in an unmarked grave. [https://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=gr&GRid=437] * some sources also put Alexander's birth year as 1755 which puts him at age 49 * Elizabeth Schuyler Hamilton - [[w:1757|1757]] - [[w:1854|1854]] ELIZA <br /> Daughter of PHILIP SCHUYLER <br /> widow of ALEXANDER HAMILTON <br /> Born in Albany <br /> August 9th 1757 <br /> Died at Washington <br /> November 9th 1854 <br /> Interred HERE <br /> * Her husband Alexander is next to her and her son Philip is nearby in an unmarked grave. [https://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=gr&GRid=6838274] * [[Hannibal Barca]] **"Here Lies Hannibal" * [[Rita Hayworth]] (Rebecca Welles) **"Beloved mother <br>To yesterday's companionship and tomorrow's reunion" *** Rita is buried at Holy Cross Cemetery in Culver City, California. Rebecca Welles is the daughter of Hayworth from her marriage to Orson Welles. * [[w:Henry II|Henry II]] (by Ralph of Diceto) ** "I was Henry the King :To me Diverse realms were subject, I was duke and count of many provinces. :Eight feet of ground is now enough for me, whom many kingdoms failed to satisfy. :Who reads these lines, let him reflect, upon the narrowness of death. :And in my case behold, the image of our mortal lot. :This scanty tomb doth now suffice, :For whom the Earth was not enough." * [[Werner Heisenberg]] (unknown) ** "He lies here, somewhere." *** This is a joke about the famous Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle, which implies that one may not know the position and momentum of a particle simultaneously. * George Hill ** "Against his will,<br>Here lies George Hill, <br>Who from a cliff <br>Fell down quite stiff.<br>When it happen'd is not known,<br>Therefore not mentioned on this stone." *** (Grave at [[:w:St Peter's, Kent|St Peter's, Isle of Thanet, Kent]]). * Richard Hind ** "Here lies the body of Richard Hind, <br>Who was neither ingenious, sober, nor kind." * [[w:William Stephen Raikes Hodson|William Stephen Raikes Hodson]] ** "Here lies all that could die of William Stephen Raikes Hodson." * [[w:Winifred Holtby|Winifred Holtby]] (by herself) - [[w:1898|1898]]-[[w:1935|1935]] ** "God give me work while I may live, and life till my work is done." * [[w:Robin Hood|Robin Hood]] (mythological; sometimes identified with Robert of Huntingdon) **Inscription on a grave in Kirklees Priory, attributed to Robin Hood:<br>"Hear underneath dis laitl stean<br>Laz robert earl of Huntingtun<br>Ne’er arcir ver as hie sa geud<br>An pipl kauld im robin heud<br>Sick utlawz as he an iz men<br>Vil england nivr si agen." ***Modern English equivalent:<br>"Here underneath this little stone<br>Lies Robert, Earl of Huntingdon.<br>No archer were as he so good<br>And people called him Robin Hood.<br>Such outlaws as he and his men<br>Will England never see again." * [[w:en:Jack Horkheimer|Jack Horkheimer]], presenter of the popular astrononomy programme ''Star Gazer'' ** "Keep Looking Up was my life's admonition. I can do little else in my present position." [https://archive.is/20130202084054/www.skyandtelescope.com/news/home/101194934.html] * C. Wayne Hussey AKA Margaret I Empress of Alaska AKA Large Marge (unknown) [[w:1937|1937]] - [[w:1983|1983]] ** "Reach out and touch." [https://backinsideak.wordpress.com/tag/wayne-hussey/] = I = * [[w: Vladislav Illich-Svitych|Vladislav Illich-Svitych]] - [[1934]] - [[1966]] ** "K̥elHä wet̥ei ʕaK̥un kähla<br/>k̥aλai palhʌ-k̥ʌ na wetä<br/>śa da ʔa-k̥ʌ ʔeja ʔälä<br/>ja-k̥o pele t̥uba wete"<br/> *** A poem in the hypothetical [[w: Proto-Nostratic|Proto-Nostratic]] language, a version of which was reconstructed by Illich-Svitych.<br/>English translation:<br/>"Language is a ford through the river of time,<br/>It leads us to the dwelling of those gone before;<br/>But he cannot arrive there,<br/>Who fears deep water". = J = * [[w:Jesse James|Jesse James]] (by his mother) [[w:1847|1847]] - [[w:1882|1882]] **" Murdered by a traitor and a coward whose name is not worthy to appear here" * [[w:Jimi Jamison|Jimi Jamison]] (by himself) [[1951]] - [[2014]] **" In us we all have the power<br>Sometimes it is so hard to see<br>That instinct is stronger<br>than reason<br>It's just human nature to me<br>I'll be ready<br>Don't you fear<br>Forever and Always,<br>I'm always here" *** Lead singer of [[w:Survivor|Survivor]], from the song [[w:I'm Always Here|I'm Always Here]] * [[Thomas Jefferson]] (by himself) [[w:1743|1743]] - [[w:1826|1826]] **" Author of the Declaration of American independence<br /> of the statute of Virginia for religious freedom<br />and father of the University of Virginia" *** Despite his being the 2nd Vice-President and 3rd President of the US, these are not mentioned. He had said that he wanted to be remembered for what he gave to the US, and not what the US had given to him. * George Johnson (unknown) **" Here lies George Johnson<br>Hanged by mistake, 1882<br>He was right<br>We was wrong<br>But we strung him up<br>And now he's gone" *** Found on Boot Hill, Tombstone, AZ * Jeremiah Johnson (unknown) **" I told you I was sick." * John Jones (by Himself) **" Hold my drink, you're gonna' love this." * [[Carl Jung]] (unknown) [[w:1875|1875]] - [[w:1961|1961]] ** "Vocatus atque non vocatus<br/>Deus aderit" *** Translation: "Invoked or not invoked, God will be present." = K = * [[Nikos Kazantzakis]] (by himself) ** "Then elpizo tipota. The fovamai tipota. Eimai eleftheros." ("Δεν ελπίζω τίποτα. Δε φοβάμαι τίποτα. Είμαι ελεύθερος") *** Translation: "I hope for nothing. I fear nothing. I am free." * [[John Keats]] (by himself and his friends) - [[w:1795|1795]]-[[w:1821|1821]] ** "This Grave contains all that was mortal, of a Young English Poet, who on his Death Bed, in the Bitterness of his heart, at the Malicious Power of his enemies, desired these words to be Engraven on his Tomb Stone: Here lies One Whose Name was writ in Water." *** Keats desired only the phrase "Here lies one whose name was writ in water" to be on his tombstone. However his friends, Joseph Severn and Charles Brown, added the rest. **"K-eats! if thy cherished name be "writ in water"<br>E-ach drop has fallen from some mourner's cheek;<br>A-sacred tribute; such as heroes seek,<br>T-hough oft in vain - for dazzling deeds of slaughter<br>S-leep on! Not honoured less for Epitaph so meek!" *** Written on a small plaque, on the cemetery wall nearby. * [[Martin Luther King, Jr.]] ** "Free at last. Free at last. Thank God Almighty I'm Free At Last." *** Lyrics of an old African American Spiritual he frequently quoted. * [[Ernie Kovacs]] (by [[Edie Adams]]) [[w:1919|1919]]-[[w:1962||1962]] ** "Nothing in Moderation. We all loved him." *** Kovacs, Adams and their daughter, Mia Susan, are interred at Forest Lawn Memorial Park in Los Angeles. Their epitaphs are variations of the second sentence as above; Mia Susan's epitaph reads, "Daddy's girl. We all loved her too." = L = * [[w:Brandon Lee|Brandon Lee]] (by [[Paul Bowles]]) [[w:1965|1965]] - [[w:1993|1993]] ** "Because we do not know when we will<br> die, we get to think of life as an<br> inexhaustible well. And yet everything<br> happens only a certain number of times,<br> and a very small number really.<br> How many more times will you<br> remember a certain afternoon of your<br> childhood, an afternoon that is so<br> deeply a part of your being that you<br> cannot conceive of your life<br> without it? Perhaps four, or five times<br> more. Perhaps not even that. How<br> many more times will you watch the<br> full moon rise? Perhaps twenty. And<br> yet it all seems limitless. ::::For Brandon and Eliza<br> :::::Ever Joined in True Love's Beauty." ::* From the 1949 novel ''[[w:The Sheltering Sky|The Sheltering Sky]]'' by [[w:Paul Bowles|Paul Bowles]], quoted by Lee in an interview shortly before his death. *[[w:Bruce Lee|Bruce Lee]] [[w:1940|1940]] - [[w:1973|1973]] ** Founder of Jeet Kune Do *[[w:Vivien Leigh|Vivien Leigh]] ** Now boast thee, death, <br> in thy possession lies <br> A lass unparallel'd *** From ''[[Antony and Cleopatra]]'' by [[William Shakespeare]] * [[w:Jack Lemmon|Jack Lemmon]] (by himself) ** "In" ***30's- 60's Hollywood Comedian * [[Primo Levi]] ** 174517 *** It was his number in Auschwitz. * [[Charles Lindbergh]] and [[w:Anne Morrow Lindbergh|Anne Morrow Lindbergh]] ** "If I take the wings of the morning<br>and<br>dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea" *** From Psalm 139:9. *[[John Locke]] (unknown) ** "WESTMINSTER SCHOLAR<br>CENSOR OF MORAL PHILOSOPHY<br>I know there is truth opposite to<br>falsehood that it may be<br>found if people will<br>& is worth the<br>seeking ***Nearby the following appears: "Stop Traveller! Near this place lieth John Locke. If you ask what kind of a man he was, he answers that he lived content with his own small fortune. Bred a scholar, he made his learning subservient only to the cause of truth. This thou will learn from his writings, which will show thee everything else concerning him, with greater truth, than the suspect praises of an epitaph. His virtues, indeed, if he had any, were too little for him to propose as matter of praise to himself, or as an example to thee. Let his vices be buried together. As to an example of manners, if you seek that, you have it in the Gospels; of vices, to wish you have one nowhere; if mortality, certainly, (and may it profit thee), thou hast one here and everywhere." (translated from the original Latin). * [[Jack London]] (Psalm 118:22) ** "The Stone the Builders Rejected" * [[Howard Phillips Lovecraft]] (himself) [[w:1890|1890]] - [[w:1937|1937]] ** "I am Providence" *** A reference to the deceased's beloved hometown * [[w:Bela Lugosi|Bela Lugosi]] (his children) [[w:1882|1882]] - [[w:1956|1956]] ** "Beloved father" = M = * [[w:Rob Roy MacGregor|Rob Roy MacGregor]] (unknown) ** "Despite them" *** At the time of Rob Roy's fame, the MacGregor name became banned and was never allowed to be heard or seen by law. The epitaph phrase in full, "Rob Roy MacGregor, despite them" is a last standing testament to defy that law. * [[Jayne Mansfield]] (either her fans or family) [[w:1933|1933]] - [[w:1967|1967]] ** "We live to love you more each day" ***Appears at her headstone at the Pen Argyl (Pennsylvania) Cemetery and at her cenotaph at Hollywood Forever Cemetery in Los Angeles. * [[w:Roger Maris|Roger Maris]] (unknown) [[w:1935|1935]] - [[w:1985|1985]] ** "61/61<br>Against all Odds" * [[Billy Martin]] (by himself) [[w:1928|1928]] – [[w:1989|1989]] ** "I may not have been the greatest Yankee to put on the uniform, but I was always the proudest" *** From speech he gave upon the retirement of his No. 1 jersey three years before his death. On his headstone at [[w:Gate of Heaven Cemetery|Gate of Heaven Cemetery]] in [[w:Valhalla, New York|Valhalla, New York]] * [[w:Dean Martin|Dean Martin]] (by himself) [[w:1917|1917]] - [[w:1995|1995]] ** "Everybody Loves Somebody Sometime" *** Title of one of his songs. * [[Groucho Marx]] (by himself) ** "Groucho Marx - [[w:1890|1890]] - [[w:1977|1977]] *** In an interview, he jokingly suggested his epitaph read "Excuse me, I can't stand up.", but his mausoleum marker bears only his stage name and years of birth and death. * [[Karl Marx]] (by himself) - [[w:1818|1818]] - [[w:1883|1883]] ** "Workers of all lands unite. The philosophers have only<br>interpreted the world in various ways; the point is to change it." * [[w:Andre Massena|André Masséna]] [[w:1758|1758]] - [[w:1817|1817]] ** "Masséna" * [[w:Leonard Matlovich|Leonard Matlovich]] (by himself) - [[w:1943|1943]] - [[w:1988|1988]] ** "When I was in the military, they gave me a medal for killing two men and a discharge for loving one." * [[John Laird McCaffery]] ("your friends") - [[w:1940|1940]] - [[w:1995|1995]] ** "John<br>'''F'''ree your body and soul<br>'''U'''nfold your powerful wings<br>'''C'''limb up the highest mountains<br>'''K'''ick your feet up in the air<br>'''Y'''ou may now live forever<br>'''O'''r return to this earth<br>'''U'''nless you feel good where you are!<br>—Missed by your friends" *** Mr. McCaffery is buried in Montreal. The epitaph is an acrostic poem, in that the first letters of each line spell out, "F-U-C-K Y-O-U" The motive of his "'friends'" is unknown. However, the Montreal Mirror quoted the gravestone's engraver as saying that the stone was ordered by McCaffery's "ex-wife and mistress... They said the message represented him. It was a thing between the three of them."[http://www.snopes.com/photos/signs/headstone.asp] * [[H. L. Mencken]] (by himself) - [[w:1880|1880]] - [[w:1956|1956]] **"If after I depart this vale you ever remember me and have thought to please my ghost, forgive some sinner, and wink your eye at some homely girl" * [[w:Russ Meyer|Russ Meyer]] ** "King of the Nudies<br>I Was Glad to Do It<br>FILM PRODUCER AND DIRECTOR" * [[Spike Milligan]] (by himself) - [[w:1918|1918]] - [[w:2002|2002]] ** Dúirt mé leat go raibh mé breoite. *** Translation from Irish: "I told you I was ill." * [[Lester Moore]] (unknown) ** "Here lies <br>Lester Moore<br>four slugs<br>from a 44<br>no Les<br>no more" *** On Grave stone in Idaho State Penitentiary, Lester Moore died while attempting escape. Lester Moore is the only Inmate buried on the grounds of the Idaho State Pen. * [[:w:Captain Tom Moore|Captain Tom Moore]] ** "I told you I was old" [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-leeds-57725373] * [[Jim Morrison]] (unknown) - [[w:1943|1943]] - [[w:1971|1971]] ** "ΚΑΤΑ ΤΟΝ ΔΑΙΜΟΝΑ ΕΑΥΤΟΥ" *** Translation from Greek: "Truth to your own spirit" His body is buried in Paris's famous Père LaChaise cemetery in the company of many other celebrities. Next to him in the "Poet's Corner" are buried many celebrated writers, including Balzac, Molière, Oscar Wilde and Frédéric Chopin. * Matthew Mudd (unknown) from Massachusetts: ** "Here lies Matthew Mudd, <br>Death did him no hurt; <br>When alive he was only Mudd, <br>But now he's only dirt." * [[w:Audie Murphy|Audie Murphy]] (unknown) [[w:1926|1926]] - [[w:1971|1971]] ** "MEDAL OF HONOR<br>DSC - SS & OLC<br>LM - BSM & OLC<br>PH & 2 OLC" = N = * [[Isaac Newton]] ([[Alexander Pope]]) ** On his tombstone, "''Hic depositum est, quod mortale fuit Isaaci Newtoni,''" which is translatable as "here is deposited what was mortal of Isaac Newton" ** On the adjacent monument "Nature and Nature's laws lay hid in night:<br>God said, 'Let Newton be!' and all was light." *[[w:Frank Nitti|Frank Nitti]] (unknown) [[w:1881|1881]] - [[w:1943|1943]] **"There is but no life without Death" * [[w:Leslie Nielsen|Leslie Nielsen]] ** "Let 'er rip" * [[Joshua A. Norton]] ** "Norton I<br>Emperor of the United States<br>and<br>Protector of Mexico" = O = * [[Osho]] ** "Never Born // Never Died // Only Visited this Planet Earth between // Dec 11 1931&nbsp;– Jan 19 1990". *** As quoted in ''Laughing Gods, Weeping Virgins : Laughter in the History of Religion'' (1997) by Ingvild Sælid Gilhus, p. 143. * [[Peter O'Toole]] (himself) ** "It distresses us to return work which is not perfect." *** Written when O'Toole was still alive, possibly a planned epitaph. ****O'Toole's wife sent an old and much stained leather jacket to the cleaners and they returned it, having done their best, with a note pinned to the lapel which read, "It distresses us to ect..." This amused O'Toole so much he declared it would be on his "tomb stone". = P = [[File:Bonnie parker grave.jpg|thumb|Grave of Bonnie Parker]] *[[w:Bonnie Parker|Bonnie Parker]] (Unknown) [[w:1910|1910]] - [[w:1934|1934]] **"As the flowers are all made sweeter by<br>the sunshine and the dew, so this old<br>world is made brighter by the lives<br>of folks like you." *** Outlaw, bank robber and partner of Clyde Barrow **** Reportedly taken from one of Bonnie's poems. * [[Dorothy Parker]] - [[w:1893|1893]] - [[w:1967|1967]] ** "Here lie the ashes of Dorothy Parker (1893 - 1967) Humorist, Writer, Critic, Defender of human and civil rights. For her epitaph, she suggested "Excuse My Dust". This memorial garden is dedicated to her noble spirit which celebrated the oneness of humankind and to the bonds of everlasting friendship between Black and Jewish people. Dedicated by The National Association of the Advancement of Colored People, October 20, 1988." (On a memorial plaque). * [[Rosa Parks]] (by herself) ** "Mother of the Civil Rights Movement" *** Parks is remembered for her involvement in the Montgomery, Alabama, bus boycott, which began the Civil Rights movement. In her last decades she lived in Detroit, Michigan; she is buried as Oakwood Cemetery in that city. * [[Penn and Teller]] (by themselves) ** "Is '''this''' your card?" and a graphic of a card of the 3 of clubs. *** From the Book "Penn and Teller's How to play in traffic" {{ISBN|1572972939 -}} Penn and Teller bought a cenotaph (an epitaph without a grave beneath it) and placed it in Forest Lawn Cemetery in Hollywood. They invite people touring there to use it to surprise their friends as a punchline for a card trick. * [[Fernando Pessoa]] (himself) **"Fui o que não sou" *** Translation: "I was what I am not." * [[w:James Louis Petigru|James Louis Petigru]] (unknown) - [[w:1789|1789]]-[[w:1863|1863]] ** "In the admiration of his Peers;<br>In the respect of his People,<br>In the affection of his Family,<br>His was the highest place." * [[w:Allan Pinkerton|Allan Pinkerton]] (unknown) [[w:1819|1819]] - [[w:1884|1884]] ** "A friend to honesty and a foe to crime" * [[Sylvia Plath]] (Ted Hughes) [[w:1932|1932]] - [[w:1963|1963]] ** "Even amidst fierce flames the golden lotus can be planted." *** Variously attributed to Journey to the West and the Bhagavad Gita * [[Edgar Allan Poe]] (himself) [[w:1809|1809]] - [[w:1849|1849]] ** "Quoth the Raven, 'Nevermore.'" *** From his poem "The Raven". This inscription appears on his original grave marker. The current marker, in the same cemetery, bears just his name. * [[Fritiof Nilsson Piraten]] (by himself) - [[w:1895|1895]]-[[w:1972|1972]] ** "Här under är askan av en man som hade vanan att skjuta allt till morgondagen. Dock bättrades han på sitt yttersta och dog verkligen den 31 januari 1972." *** Roughly translated: "Here lie the ashes of a man who had the habit of postponing everything until tomorrow. However, at the end of his life he improved, and actually died on the 31st of January 1972." * [[Freddie Prinze]] (unknown) ** "We Love You. Psalm 23" *[[Ernie Pyle]] ** "At this spot the 77th Infantry Division lost a buddy, Ernie Pyle, 18 April 1945. = Q = * Quick Draw McGraw :* He had the 2nd fastest draw. Only bettered by Slow Draw Shaw. = R = * [[Ramón Valdés]] - (unknown) - [[w:1923|1923]]-[[w:1988|1988]] (aka Don Ramón) :: [[Spanish language|Spanish]]: "Gracias por tu magia, que me hizo tanto reír con tu sencillez, con tu gorrito desteñido, tu bondad, tu valor, por ser el papi más padre, por enseñarnos, por tus berrinches, por tu talento. No habrás pagado la renta en dinero pero la pagaste con el mejor tesoro del mundo, la risa. Un ángel en el cielo. :: Al gran Don Ramón :: Aguante Monchito" :: [[English language|English]] translation; "Thank you for your magic, which made me laugh so much with your simplicity, with your faded hat, your kindness, your courage, for being the most awesome daddy, for teaching us, for your tantrums, for your talent. You will not had paid the rent in money but you paid it with the best treasure in the world, laughter. An angel in the sky. :: To the great Don Ramón :: Endurance Monchito." * [[w:Dee Dee Ramone|Dee Dee Ramone]] (aka Douglas Glen Corvin) ** "O.K. … I gotta go now." * [[w:Johnny Ramone|Johnny Ramone]] (aka John Cummings) ** "If a man can tell he's been successful in his life by having great friends, then I have been very successful." * [[Will Rogers]] (himself) ** "If you live life right<br>death is a joke<br>as far as fear is concerned" * William P. Rothwell (unknown) from Rhode Island: ** ''(carved into a boulder)'' "This is on me." * [[Babe Ruth]] (Cardinal Spellman) ** "May<br>That Divine Spirit<br>That Animated<br>BABE RUTH<br>to Win the Crucial<br>Game of Life<br>Inspire the Youth<br>of America" = S = [[File:Selena Quintanilla-Perez's grave.jpg|thumb|upright|Grave of Selena]] * [[Selena]] - ([[Isaiah]]/Isaías 25:8) - [[w:1971|1971]]-[[w:1995|1995]] ** English; "He will actually swallow up death forever, and the sovereign lord Jehovah will certainly wipe the tears from all faces" ** Spanish: "El realmente se tragará a la muerte para siempre, y el señor soberano Jehová ciertamente limpiara las lagrimas de todo rostro. * [[w:Seikilos epitaph|Seikilos]], between 200 BC and 100 AD ** "Ὅσον ζῇς φαίνου<br>μηδὲν ὅλως σὺ λυποῦ<br>πρὸς ὀλίγον ἐστὶ τὸ ζῆν<br>τὸ τέλος ὁ xρόνος ἀπαιτεῖ. *** "While you live, shine<br>Don't suffer anything at all;<br>Life exists only a short while<br>And time demands its toll." *** Parallel with the text, the stone also contains the oldest surviving complete notated musical composition * [[William Shakespeare]] - baptized April 26, [[w:1564|1564]] - April 23, [[w:1616|1616]] ** "Good frend, for Iesvs sake forbeare<br>To digg the dvst encloasèd heare.<br>Bleste be <small>y</small>^e man <small>y</small>^t spares thes stones,<br>And cvrst be he <small>y</small>^t moves my bones." *** Modern English equivalent:<br>"Good friend, for Jesus' sake forbear<br>To dig the dust enclosed here.<br>Blessed be the man that spares these stones,<br>And cursed be he that moves my bones." * Sam Suryawanshi AKA Vazir (by himself) - [[w:1985|1985]]-[[w:2011|2011]] ** "It ain't Sam unless its me" <br> *** S: Stand A: Against M: Me * [[Frank Sinatra]] (by himself) - [[w:1915|1915]]-[[w:1998|1998]] ** "The best is yet to come." *** Title of one of his trademark songs. * [[Emil Sitka]] (by himself) ** "Hold hands, you lovebirds!" *** From the [[Three Stooges]] short "Brideless Groom" * Harry Edsel Smith (unknown) - [[w:1903|1903]]-[[w:1942|1942]] ** "Looked up the elevator shaft <br>To see <br>If the car was on the way down. <br>It was." * [[w:Battle of Thermopylae|The 300 Spartans]] (Simonides) - [[480 BC]] ** "Ω ΞΕΙΝ ΑΓΓΕΛΛΕΙΝ ΛΑΚΕΔΑΙΜΟΝΙΟΙΣ ΟΤΙ ΤΗΔΕ ΚΕΙΜΕΘΑ ΤΟΙΣ ΚΕΙΝΩΝ ΡΗΜΑΣΙ ΠΕΙΘΟΜΕΝΟΙ" *** Translation: "Go Tell the Spartans, Stranger passing by, that here, obedient to their laws, we lie." * [[Robert Louis Stevenson]] (by himself) - [[w:1850|1850]]-[[w:1894|1894]] ** "Under the wide and starry sky<br> Dig the grave and let me lie,<br> Glad did I live and gladly die<br> And I laid me down with a will.<br> This be the verse you grave for me:<br> Here he lies where he longed to be.<br> Home is the sailor, home from the sea,<br> And the hunter home from the hill." *** This epitaph also prefaces the Robert Heinlein story "Requiem" and serves as the protagonist's epitaph; use for Stevenson reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 235. * Harold J. Story ([[w:1919|1919]] - [[w:1993|1993]]) ** "Before you jump in here with me,<br>make sure you bring good memories.<br>For here they're all we have to trade,<br>and where you are is where they're made." * [[Arthur Sullivan]] [[1842]]-[[1900]] (by [[W. S. Gilbert]]) ** "Is life a boon?<br>If so, it must befall<br>That Death, whene'er he call<br>Must call too soon." ***This epitaph, from lyrics to Gilbert & Sullivan's "Yeomen of the Guard", is on the monument to Sullivan in Victoria Embankment Gardens, not on his grave in St Paul's Cathedral. * [[Alexander Vasilyevich Suvorov]] - [[1729]]-[[1800]] ** "Here lies Suvorov" * [[w:Jonathan Swift|Jonathan Swift]] (unknown) [[w:1667|1667]] - [[w:1745|1745]] ** "Here lies the body of Jonathan Swift,<br>Professor of Holy Theology, for thirty <br>years Dean of this cathedral church,<br>where savage indignation can tear his<br>heart no more. Go, traveller, and if you<br>can imitate one who with his utmost<br>strength protected liberty. He died in the year 1745, on the 19th of October, <br>aged seventy-eight" * [[Lucius Cornelius Sulla]] (by himself) - died [[w:78 BC|78 BC]] ** "No friend ever served me, and no enemy ever wronged me, whom I have not repaid in full." = T = * [[Alfred Tennyson]] (himself) ** "Sunset and evening star, :: And one clear call for me! : And may there be no moaning of the bar, :: When I put out to sea, : But such a tide as moving seems asleep, :: Too full for sound and foam, : When that which drew from out the boundless deep :: Turns again home. : Twilight and evening bell, :: And after that the dark! : And may there be no sadness of farewell, :: When I embark; : For tho' from out our bourne of Time and Place :: The flood may bear me far, : I hope to see my Pilot face to face :: When I have crossed the bar." ::* This poem ("Crossing the Bar") is included at the end of every collection of his works. * [[w:Studs Terkel|Studs Terkel]] (Suggested by himself) ** "Curiosity did not kill this cat." [[File:Gravestone at Winchester Cathedral.jpg|thumb|300px|Thomas Thetcher's gravestone]] * [[w:Thomas_Thetcher|Thomas Thetcher]] [[w:1737|1737]] - [[w:1764|1764]] :In Memory of Thomas Thetcher : a Grenadier in the North Reg. : of Hants Militia, who died of a :violent Fever contracted by drinking :Small Beer when hot the 12th of May ::1764. Aged 26 Years. :In grateful remembrance of whose universal :good will towards his Comrades, this Stone :is placed here at their expence, as a small :testimony of their regard and concern. :Here sleeps in peace a Hampshire Grenadier, :Who caught his death by drinking cold small Beer, :Soldiers be wise from his untimely fall :And when ye're hot drink Strong or none at all. :''This memorial being decay'd was restord'' :''by the Officers of the Garrison A.D. 1781''. ::An Honest Soldier never is forgot ::whether he die by Musket or by Pot. :The Stone was replaced by the North Hants : Militia when disembodied at Winchester, : on 26th April 1802, in consequence of : the original Stone being destroyed. ::''And again replaced by'' :''The Royal Hampshire Regiment 1966''. [[File:Tolkien's_grave.jpg|thumb|250px|right|J.R.R.Tolkien and his wife's tomb.]] * [[J. R. R. Tolkien]]: **"Beren" ***Beren was a famous human hero during the First Age of Tolkien's fictional world Middle-earth. Beren's love was the immortal Elven maid Lúthien who chose the fate of mortality to be able to follow Beren after he died. The name "Lúthien" is inscribed underneath the name Edith Tolkien on the pair's headstone. Unknown- As you are now, I once was As I am now, you will be = V = * [[Voltaire]] (unknown) - [[w:1694|1694]]-[[w:1778|1778]] ** "Here lies Voltaire" *[[Kurt Vonnegut]] (himself) [[w:1922|1922]] - [[w:2007|2007]] ** "THE ONLY PROOF HE NEEDED FOR THE EXISTENCE OF GOD WAS MUSIC" * [[w:Lucius Verginius Rufus|Verginius Rufus]] ** ''Hic situs est Rufus, pulso qui Vindice quondam imperium asseruit non sibi sed patriae.'' ***"Here lies Rufus, who after defeating Vindex, did not take power, but gave it to the fatherland" *** From: Plinius Secundus Minor, Epistulae, liber VI, 10. = W = * [[w:John Wayne|John Wayne]] (himself) [[w:1907|1907]] - [[w:1979|1979]] **"Tomorrow is the most important thing in life. Comes into us at midnight very clean. It's perfect when it arrives and it puts itself in our hands. It hopes we've learned something from yesterday." * [[H. G. Wells]] (himself) - [[w:1866|1866]]-[[w:1946|1946]] **"I told you so, you damned fools." * [[Oscar Wilde]] (himself) ** "And alien tears will fill for him<br>Pity's long-broken urn,<br>For his mourners will be outcast men,<br>And outcasts always mourn." *** From ''[[w:The Ballad of Reading Gaol|The Ballad of Reading Gaol]]''. * [[Billy Wilder]] (himself and [[Joe E. Brown]]) ** "I'm a writer, but then<br>nobody's perfect. *** "Nobody's perfect" is the final line of the movie "[[Some Like It Hot]]." * [[Hank Williams]] (his wife) ** "Thank you for the love you gave me<br>There could be nobody stronger<br>Thank you for many beautiful songs<br>They will live long, and longer" * [[Christopher Wren]] (by his son) **"Lector, si monumentum requiris circumspice." *** Translation: "Reader, if you seek his monument, look around." *** Wren is buried in St Paul's Cathedral, London, which he designed. * [[Virginia Woolf]] (by herself) ** "Against you I will fling myself<br>unvanquished and unyielding, O Death!" = X = = Y = [[File:Grave of W. B. Yeats; Drumecliff, Co Sligo.jpg|thumb|upright|right|Grave of W. B. Yeats]] * [[William Butler Yeats]] (by himself) ** "Cast a cold eye <br />On life, on death. <br />Horseman, pass by!" *** This epitaph is from ''Under Ben Bulben'', one of Yeats' last poems. The last section of ''Under Ben Bulben'' describes Yeats' resting-place-to-be. See W.B. Yeats at [http://source.wikipedia.org Wikisource] and [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yeats Wikipedia] = Z = == Epitaphs in fiction == * Jean Valjean, Les Misérables, Victor Hugo ** "Il dort. Quoique le sort fût pour lui bien étrange,; Il vivait. Il mourut quand il n’eut plus son ange,; La chose simplement d’elle-même arriva,; Comme la nuit se fait lorsque le jour s’en va." ** He sleeps. Although his fate was very strange, he lived. He died when he had no longer his angel. The thing came to pass simply, of itself, as the night comes when day is gone. * King Menethil II ** Here lies King Terenas Menethil II -- Last True King of Lordaeron.<br>Great were his deeds -- long was his reign -- unthinkable was his death.<br>"May the Father lie blameless for the deeds of the son. <br>May the bloodied crown stay lost and forgotten." *** Source: WarCraft *** Note: He was murdered by his son, and the kingdom of Lordaeron fell. * [[w:Edmund Blackadder|Edmund Blackadder]] (by himself) ** "Here lies Edmund Blackadder, and he's bloody annoyed." * Strong Bad ** Here lies Strong Bad. Checking emails and kicking Cheats in the hereafter. Buried with his hundred girlfriends and like a jillion dollars. Please don’t dig up the grave. *** Source: [[Homestar Runner]] *"A Jacobite's Epitaph" ([[Thomas Babington Macaulay, 1st Baron Macaulay|Thomas Babington Macaulay]]) ** To my true king I offer'd free from stain<br>Courage and faith; vain faith, and courage vain.<br>For him I threw lands, honours, wealth, away,<br>And one dear hope, that was more prized than they.<br>For him I languish'd in a foreign clime,<br>Gray-hair'd with sorrow in my manhood's prime;<br>Heard on Lavernia Scargill's whispering trees,<br>And pined by Arno for my lovelier Tees;<br>Beheld each night my home in fever'd sleep,<br>Each morning started from the dream to weep;<br>Till God, who saw me tried too sorely, gave<br>The resting-place I ask'd, an early grave.<br>O thou, whom chance leads to this nameless stone,<br>From that proud country which was once mine own,<br>By those white cliffs I never more must see,<br>By that dear language which I spake like thee,<br>Forget all feuds, and shed one English tear<br>O'er English dust. A broken heart lies here." * [[Baldur's Gate]] ** "Stranger, Tread this ground with gravity<br/>Dentist Mark B is filling his last cavity." * Bonduca. ** Lie lightly on my ashes, gentle earthe. *** [[John Fletcher]], ''[[w:Bonduca|Bonduca]]'' (1611–14; published 1647), Act IV, scene 3. ("Sit tibi terra levis," familiar inscription). * [[Scrooge McDuck]] (Keno Don Rosa) ** "Fortuna favet fortibus" *** Translation: "Fortune favours the brave" *** Appears on an (unpublished) drawing by author Keno Don Rosa * [[w:Jenny Sparks|Jenny Sparks]] (unknown) ** "Bugger this. I want a better world." * [[w:Ron_Obvious_(Monty_Python_character)| Ron Obvious]] **"Here lies a knave, <br>Where in the grave, <br>His first good deed, <br>Was feed the weed." *** From [[Monty Python's Flying Circus]] * [[w:David_St_Hubbins|David St. Hubbins]] (himself) **"Here lies David St. Hubbins...and why not?" *** From "This is Spinal Tap". Suggested when asked what he'd want as his epitaph. * [[w:Buffy Summers|Buffy Summers]] (unknown) - 1981–2001 ** Beloved sister <br/> Devoted friend <br/> She saved the world <br/> A lot *** ''[[Buffy the Vampire Slayer#The Gift|Buffy the Vampire Slayer]]'', "[[w:The Gift (Buffy episode)|The Gift]]" * From [[w:Fable_(computer_game)|Fable (game)]] ** "Blimey it's darker than I thought in here." ** "No man can hold his breath for ten minutes." ** "What you lookin' at?" ** "You're standing on my head." ** "Rover was a true friend and pet, but ran in thunderstorms when wet." ** "Not dead only sleeping, buried me anyway. Unlucky." ** "I finished before you in the human race." ** "Anyone want to swap places?" ** "Thank you for reading this grave now bugger off!" ** "Let me out!" * Senator Vrooman (Ambrose Bierce) **"Here lies the bones of Senator Vrooman<br>Whose head was as hard as the heart of a woman<br>Whose heart was as soft as the head of a hammer<br>Dame Fortune inspired him to eminence, damn her! *** Fictional future senator used as one of five examples under "Epitaph", from The Devil's Dictionary. * Van Ruijven **"He Painted Me." *** In reference to painter [[Jan Vermeer]]; from the film ''Girl with a Pearl Earring''. * Royal Tenenbaum (At his suggestion) ** Royal O'Reilly Tenenbaum (1932–2001) Died Tragically Rescuing His Family From The Wreckage Of A Destroyed Sinking Battleship *** From ''[[The Royal Tenenbaums]]''. * Dumbledore family's tomb **"Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." *** From ''[[Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows]]'', quote from the Bible; Matthew 6:21. * Potter family's tomb **"The last enemy that shall be defeated is death" *** From ''[[Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows]]'', quote from the Bible: 1 Corinthians 15:26. * The Boss's grave **"In memory of a patriot who saved the world. 192X-1964" *** From ''[[Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater]]'', in the game's final scene. * Big Boss's grave **"A hero, forever loyal to the flames of war, rests in Outer Heaven. 193X - 1999" *** From ''[[Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots]]''. PS: Big Boss grave is located next to The Boss's one. * Arcanum **"He had six bullets but he needed seven." * Charles Xavier (Age of Apocalypse version) **"Any dream worth having is a dream worth fighting for." * &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Balin<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Fundinul<br>Uzbad Khazad-dumu<br>Balin son of Fundin Lord of Moria ** From ''[[The Lord of the Rings]]'' ==Unknown== * From a Canadian WWI Memorial (Rudyard Kipling) ** "From little towns in a far land we came <br/> To save our honour and a world aflame. <br/> By little towns in a far land we sleep <br/> And trust the world we won for you to keep." * From Ireland ** "Tears cannot <br>Restore her: <br>Therefore I weep." * From a grave in Muçum, Brazil ** Do escuro vieram, nas trevas viveram e para o além se foram. *** Translation: From the dark they've come, among obscurity they've lived and to the hereafter they've gone. * Adult's grave in Rome, Italy ** "Quello che siete fummo, quello che siamo sarete" *** Translation: "What you are we were and what we are you will become" * Child's grave in Miami, FL (by Edmund Waller) ** "What small amount of time they share <br>Who are so wondrous sweet and fair" *** From Waller's poem "Go, Lovely Rose" * Infant ** "Since I am so quickly done for<br>I wonder what I was begun for?" * Infant in Vermont ** "Here lies our darling baby boy <br>He never cries or hollers <br>He lived for one and twenty days <br>And cost us forty dollars." * From Tasmania, Australia **"Stop ye travellers as you pass by<br>As you are now, so once was I<br>As I am now, soon you shall be - <br>Prepare yourself to follow me." *** Graffiti response: <br>"To follow you <br>I am not content -- <br>How do I know <br>which way you went?" * From Perth, Scotland ** "Reader one moment stop and think, <br>That I am in eternity and you are on the brink." * From Tatamagouche, Nova Scotia ** "Death is a debt to Nature due <br>Which we have paid and so must you." * From Nanuet, New York ** "Remember man as you walk by, <br>As you are now so once was I, <br>As I am now, so to you shall be, <br>Bow your head and pray for me." * From Évora, Portugal, in the Chapel of Bones **"Nós ossos que aqui estamos pelos vossos esperamos" - "We, bones that here lie, for yours we wait" * On a grave in a Kent cemetery ** "Grim death took me without any warning<br>I was well at night and dead at nine in the morning" * On a grave in New York ** "je ne me souviens pas - or, here lies one whose name was writ in air" === Unknown Soldiers === *"Here rests in honored glory an American soldier known but to God." ** [[wikipedia:en:Tomb of the Unknowns|Tomb of the Unknowns]], Arlington National Cemetery, Arlington, Virginia; also used in other American War cemeteries, such as the ones in Normandy. * Their name liveth forevermore. ** From [[w:Ecclesiasticus|Ecclesiasticus]] chosen by [[Rudyard Kipling]] * British Soldier, in [[w:Westminster Abbey|Westminster Abbey]] ** Beneath this stone lies the body <br>of a British warrior <br>Unknown by name or rank<br>brought from France to lie among <br>the most illustrious of the land <br>and buried here on Armistice Day<br>11 Nov: 1920, in the presence of <br>His Majesty King George V <br>His Ministers of State <br>the Chiefs of his Forces<br>and a vast concourse of the nation.<br><br>Thus are commemorated the many<br>multitudes who during the Great<br>War of 1914-1918 gave the most that <br>Man can give Life itself<br>for God <br>for King and country<br>for loved ones, home and empire <br>for the sacred cause of Justice and <br>the Freedom of the world.<br><br>They buried him among the kings because he <br>had done good toward God and toward<br>his house. * British Soldier, [[w:Tobruk|Tobruk]] Commonwealth Cemetery, [[w:Libya|Libya]] **At the going down of the sun<br>And in the morning<br>We will remember them * Australian [[w:soldier|soldier]] whose body is held in the [[w:Australian_War_Memorial|Australian War Memorial]] in [[w:Canberra|Canberra]], [[w:Australia|Australia]]. By former [[w:Prime_Minister_of_Australia|Australian Prime Minister]] [[w:Paul keating|Paul Keating]] **We do not know this Australian's name and we never will. We do not know his rank or battalion. We do not know where he was born, nor precisely how he died … We will never know who this Australian was … he was one of the 45,000 Australians who died on the Western Front … one of the 60,000 Australians who died on foreign soil. One of the 100,000 Australians who died in wars this century. He is all of them. And he is one of us. * To save your world you asked this man to die;<br>Would this man, could he see you now, ask why? ** [[W. H. Auden]], "Epitaph for the Unknown Soldier" (October 1953) == Quotes about epitaphs == * And be the Spartan's epitaph on me—<br>"Sparta hath many a worthier son than he." ** [[Lord Byron]], ''[[Childe Harold's Pilgrimage]]'', Canto IV (1818), Stanza 10. * Shrine of the mighty! can it be,<br>That this is all remains of thee? ** [[Lord Byron]], ''The Giaour'' (1813), line 106. * After your death you were better have a bad epitaph than their ill report while you live. ** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Hamlet]]'' (1600-02), Act II, scene 2, line 548. * Either our history shall with full mouth<br>Speak freely of our acts, or else our grave,<br>Like Turkish mute, shall have a tongueless mouth,<br>Not worshipp'd with a waxen epitaph. ** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Henry V (play)|Henry V]]'' (c. 1599), Act I, scene 2, line 230. * You cannot better be employ'd, Bassanio,<br>Than to live still and write mine epitaph. ** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[The Merchant of Venice]]'' (late 1590s), Act IV, scene 1, line 117. * On your family's old monument<br>Hang mournful epitaphs. ** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Much Ado About Nothing]]'' (1598-99), Act IV, scene 1, line 208. * And if your love<br>Can labour aught in sad invention,<br>Hang her an epitaph upon her tomb<br>And sing it to her bones, sing it to-night. ** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Much Ado About Nothing]]'' (1598-99), Act V, scene 1. I,. 291. * Of comfort no man speak:<br>Let's talk of graves, of [[worms]] and epitaphs. ** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Richard II (play)|Richard II]]'' (c. 1595), Act III, scene 2, line 144. === ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' === :<small>Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 229-35.</small> * Here lies the remains of James Pady, Brickmaker, in hope that his clay will be remoulded in a workmanlike manner, far superior to his former perishable materials. ** Epitaph from Addiscombe Church-yard, Devonshire; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 229. * ''Stavo bene; per star meglio, sto qui.'' ** I was well, I would be better; I am here. ** Addison's translation of the epitaph on the monument of an Italian Valetudinarian. Spectator. No. 25. Boswell's ''Life of Johnson'' (April 7, 1775); reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 229. * ''Sufficit huic tumulus, cui non suffecerit orbis.'' ** A tomb now suffices him for whom the whole world was not sufficient. ** Epitaph on Alexander the Great; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 229. * If Paris that brief flight allow,<br>My humble tomb explore!<br>It bears: "Eternity, be thou<br>My refuge!" and no more. ** [[Matthew Arnold]], Epitaph; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 229. * Here lies who, born a man, a grocer died. ** Translation of a French epitaph: ''Né homme—mort épicier''. Alfred Austin, ''Golden Age''; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 229. * Here lies Anne Mann; she lived an<br>Old maid and died an old Mann. ** Bath Abbey; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 229. * And the voice of men shall call,<br>"He is fallen like us all,<br> Though the weapon of the Lord was in his hand:"<br>And thine epitaph shall be—<br>"He was wretched ev'n as we;"<br> And thy tomb may be unhonoured in the land. ** [[Robert Buchanan]], ''The Modern Warrior'', Stanza 7; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 229. * Kind reader! take your choice to cry or laugh;<br>Here HAROLD lies—but where's his Epitaph?<br>If such you seek, try Westminster, and view<br>Ten thousand, just as fit for him as you. ** [[Lord Byron]], Substitute for an Epitaph; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 229. * Yet at the resurrection we shall see<br>A fair edition, and of matchless worth,<br>Free from erratas, new in heaven set forth. ** [[Joseph Capen]], lines upon Mr. John Foster. Borrowed from Rev. B. Woodbridge; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 229. * Loe here the precious dust is layd;<br>Whose purely-temper'd clay was made<br>So fine that it the guest betray'd.<br>Else the soule grew so fast within,<br>It broke the outward shell of sinne<br>And so was hatch'd a cherubin. ** [[Thomas Carew]], inscription on tomb of Lady Maria Wentworth. In Toddington Church, Bedfordshire, England; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 229. * This Mirabeau's work, then, is done. He sleeps with the primeval giants. He has gone over to the majority: "Abiit ad plures." ** [[Thomas Carlyle]], ''Essay on Mirabeau'', ''Close''; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 229. * It is so soon that I am done for,<br>I wonder what I was begun for! ** Epitaph in Cheltenham Church-yard; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 229. * Ere sin could blight or sorrow fade,<br> Death came with friendly care;<br>The opening bud to Heaven conveyed,<br> And bade it blossom there. ** [[Samuel Taylor Coleridge]], ''Epitaph on an Infant''; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 229. * Peas to his Hashes. ** Epitaph on a Cook (London); reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 229. * Underneath this crust<br>Lies the mouldering dust<br> Of Eleanor Batchelor Shoven,<br>Well versed in the arts<br>Of pies, custards and tarts,<br> And the lucrative trade of the oven.<br>When she lived long enough,<br>She made her last puff,<br> A puff by her husband much praised,<br>And now she doth lie<br>And make a dirt pie,<br> In hopes that her crust may be raised. ** Epitaph on a Cook (Yorkshire); reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 229. * What wee gave, wee have;<br>What wee spent, wee had;<br>What wee left, wee lost. ** Epitaph on Edward Courtenay, Earl of Devon. (1419). In Cleveland's Geneal. Hist. of the Family of Courtenay, p. 142. Said to be on a tomb in Padua. Attributed to Carlyle; not found. Like inscriptions are found on many old tombstones. The oldest is probably the one in the choir of St. Peter's Church at St. Albans; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 229-230. * Praised, wept,<br>And honoured, by the muse he loved. ** Lines from the epitaph of James Craggs in Westminster Abbey; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 230. * And when I lie in the green kirkyard,<br> With the mould upon my breast,<br>Say not that she did well—or ill,<br> "Only, She did her best." ** [[Dinah Craik]] (Miss Mulock). Given in her obituary notice in the Athenæum (Oct. 22, 1887); reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 230. * O man! whosoever thou art, and whensoever thou comest, for come I know thou wilt, I am Cyrus, founder of the Persian empire. Envy me not the little earth that covers my body. ** [[Plutarch]], ''Life of Alexander'', Epitaph of Cyrus; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 230. * Full many a life he saved<br> With his undaunted crew;<br>He put his trust in Providence,<br> And Cared Not How It Blew. ** Epitaph in Deal Churchyard; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 230. * His form was of the manliest beauty,<br> His heart was kind and soft,<br>Faithful, below, he did his duty;<br> But now he's gone aloft. ** [[Charles Dibdin]], ''Tom Bowling''. Written on the death of his brother. Inscribed on Charles Dibdin's gravestone, in the cemetery of St. Martin's-in-the-Fields, Camden Town; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 230. * For though his body's under hatches,<br> His soul has gone aloft. ** [[Charles Dibdin]], ''Tom Bowling''. Written on the death of his brother; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 230. * This comes of altering fundamental laws and overpersuading by his landlord to take physic (of which he died) for the benefit of the doctor—Stavo bene (was written on his monument) ma per star meglio, sto qui. ** [[John Dryden]], Dedication of the ''Æneid'' (29-19 BC), XIV. 149; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 230. * Here lies Du Vall; reader, if male thou art,<br>Look to thy purse; if female, to thy heart. ** Claude Du Vall's Epitaph in Covent Garden Church. Found in Francis Watt's Law's Slumber Room. 2nd Series; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 230. * If e'er she knew an evil thought<br> She spoke no evil word:<br>Peace to the gentle! She hath sought<br> The bosom of her Lord. ** [[Ebenezer Elliot]], ''Hannah Ratcliff''; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 230. * "Let there be no inscription upon my tomb. Let no man write my epitaph. No man can write my epitaph. I am here ready to die. I am not allowed to vindicate my character; and when I am prevented from vindicating myself, let no man dare calumniate me. Let my character and motives repose in obscurity and peace, till other times and other men can do them justice." ** [[Robert Emmet]], speech on his trial and conviction for high treason (September, 1803); reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 230. * ''Nemo me lacrumis decoret neque funera fletu faxit.'' ** Let no one pay me honor with tears, nor make for me a weeping funeral. ** From [[w:Ennius|Ennius']] self-writ epitaph. * Under this stone, reader, survey<br>Dead Sir John Vanbrugh's house of clay:<br>Lie heavy on him, earth! for he<br>Laid many heavy loads on thee. ** Dr. [[Abel Evans]], epitaph on the architect of Blenheim Palace. (Vanbrugh is buried in St. Stephen's Church, Walbrook, England); reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 230. * Lie light upon him, earth! tho' he<br>Laid many a heavy load on thee. ** As quoted by Snuffling—Epitaphia; Architects. Box, ''Elegies and Epitaphs''. [[Voltaire]], ''Letters'' (1733), p. 187; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 230. * The body of Benjamin Franklin, Printer, (Like the cover of an old book, its contents torn out and stript of its lettering and gilding), Lies here, food for [[worms]]; But the work shall not be lost, for it will (as he believed) appear once more in a new and more elegant edition, revised and corrected by the author. ** [[Benjamin Franklin]], Epitaph on Himself. Written in 1728. Revised by himself from an earlier one. ** John Davis, in Travels of Four Years and a Half in the United States of America, gives similar epitaph in Latin, said to have been written by "An Eton scholar"; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 230. * ''Quand je serai la, je serai sans souci.'' ** When I shall be there, I shall be without care. ** [[Frederick the Great]]. His inscription written at the foot of the statue of Flora at Sans Souci, where he wished to be buried. His body lies in the church at Potsdam; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 230. * Here lies Fred,<br>Who was alive and is dead.<br>Had it been his father,<br>I had much rather.<br>Had it been his brother,<br>Still better than another.<br>Had it been his sister,<br>No one would have missed her.<br>Had it been the whole generation,<br>Still better for the nation.<br>But since 'tis only Fred,<br>Who was alive, and is dead,<br>There's no more to be said. ** Epitaph to Frederick, Prince of Wales (Father of George III), as given by Thackeray—Four Georges. Probably version of a French epigram "Colas est morte de maladie," found in Les Epigrammes de Jean Ogier Gombauld. (1658). Several early versions of same. See Notes and Queries. May 3, 1902, p. 345; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 230. * "Fuller's earth." ** [[Thomas Fuller]], Epitaph written by Himself; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 230. * Here lies Nolly Goldsmith, for shortness called Noll,<br>Who wrote like an angel, and talked like poor Poll. ** [[David Garrick]]; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 231. * Here lie together, waiting the Messiah<br>The little David and the great Goliath. ** Note in Thespian Dictionary appended to account of Garrick, whose remains lie close to those of Johnson, in Westminster Abbey; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 231. * Life is a jest, and all things show it,<br>I thought so once, but now I know it. ** [[John Gay]], ''My Own Epitaph''; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 231. * Like a worn out type, he is returned to the Founder in the hope of being recast in a better and more perfect mould. ** Epitaph on Peter Gedge; Parish church, St. Mary, Bury St. Edmund's; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 231. * I have expended; I have given; I have kept;<br>I have possessed; I do possess; I have lost;<br>I am punished. What I formerly expended, I have; what I gave away, I have. ** ''Gesta Romanorum'', Tale XVI; Found on the golden sarcophagus of a Roman Emperor; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 231. * What we say of a thing that has just come in fashion<br> And that which we do with the dead,<br>Is the name of the honestest man in the nation:<br> What more of a man can be said? ** [[Oliver Goldsmith]], Punning epitaph on John Newbery, the publisher; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 231. * ''Qui nullum fere scribendi genus non tetigit; nullum quod tetigit non ornavit.'' ** Who left nothing of authorship untouched, and touched nothing which he did not adorn. ** Goldsmith's Epitaph in Westminster Abbey; Written by Samuel Johnson; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 231. * And many a holy text around she strews<br> That teach the rustic moralist to die. ** [[Thomas Gray]], ''Elegy in a Country Churchyard'', Stanza 21; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 231. * ''Balnea, vina, Venus corrumpunt corpora nostra;<br>Sed vitam faciunt baldea, vina, Venus.'' ** Baths, wine and Venus bring decay to our bodies; but baths, wine and Venus make up life. ** Epitaph in Gruter's ''Monumenta''; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 231. * Beneath these green trees rising to the skies,<br>The planter of them, Isaac Greentree, lies;<br>The time shall come when these green trees shall fall,<br>And Isaac Greentree rise above them all. ** Epitaph at Harrow; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 231. * His foe was folly and his weapon wit. ** [[Anthony Hope Hawkins]], Inscribed on the bronze tablet placed in memory of Sir William Gilbert on the Victoria Embankment (Aug. 31, 1915); reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 231. Bronze is by Sir George Frampton. * Farewell, vain world, I've had enough of thee,<br>And Valies't not what thou Can'st say of me;<br>Thy Smiles I count not, nor thy frowns I fear,<br>My days are past, my head lies quiet here.<br>What faults you saw in me take Care to shun,<br>Look but at home, enough is to be done. ** Epitaph over William Harvey in Greasley Churchyard, England (1756); reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 231. A travesty of the same is over the tomb of Phillis Robinson, in that churchyard (1866). See [[Alfred Stapleton]], ''The Churchyard Scribe'', p. 95. * Man's life is like unto a winter's day,<br>Some break their fast and so depart away,<br>Others stay dinner then depart full fed;<br>The longest age but sups and goes to bed.<br>Oh, reader, then behold and see,<br>As we are now so must you be. ** [[Joseph Henshaw]], ''Horæ Succisivæ''; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 231. * But here's the sunset of a tedious day.<br>These two asleep are; I'll but be undrest,<br>And so to bed. Pray wish us all good rest. ** [[Robert Herrick (poet)|Robert Herrick]], Epitaph on Sir Edward Giles; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 231. * Here she lies a pretty bud,<br>Lately made of flesh and blood;<br>Who, as soone fell fast asleep,<br>As her little eyes did peep.<br>Give her strewings, but not stir<br>The earth that lightly covers her. ** [[Robert Herrick (poet)|Robert Herrick]], ''Upon a Child that Dyed''; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 231. * Under the shadow of a leafy bough<br> That leaned toward a singing rivulet,<br>One pure white stone, whereon, like crown on brow,<br> The image of the vanished star was set;<br>And this was graven on the pure white stone<br>In golden letters—"WHILE SHE LIVED SHE SHONE." ** [[Jean Ingelow]], Star's Monument, Stanza 47; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 231. * The hand of him here torpid lies,<br> That drew th' essential form of grace,<br>Here closed in death th' attentive eyes<br> That saw the manners in the face. ** [[Samuel Johnson]], Epitaph for Hogarth; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 231. * Sleep undisturbed within this peaceful shrine,<br>Till angels wake thee with a note like thine. ** [[Samuel Johnson]], Epitaph on Claude Phillips; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 231. * Underneath this stone doth lie<br>As much beauty as could die;<br>Which in life did harbor give<br>To more virtue than doth live.<br>If at all she had a fault,<br>Leave it buried in this vault. ** [[Ben Jonson]], ''Epigram CXXIV'', ''To Lady Elizabeth L. H.''; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 231. * Underneath this sable herse<br>Lies the subject of all verse,—<br>Sydneye's sister, Pembroke's mother.<br>Death, ere thou hast slaine another,<br>Faire and learn'd and good as she,<br>Tyme shall throw a dart at thee. ** Attributed to [[Ben Jonson]], Epitaph on the Countess of Pembroke; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 231-232. Claimed for Sir Thomas Browne by Sir Egerton Brydges. It is in Lansdowne Manuscript No. 777, in British Museum. Poems by Browne, Volume II, p. 342. Ed. by W. C. Hazlitt for the Roxburghe Library. * Here lies one whose name was writ in water. ** Engraved on Keats' tombstone at his own desire; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 232. Phrase "writ in water" in Hakewell's ''Apologie'' (1635), p. 127. [[William Shakespeare]], ''King Henry VIII'', Act IV, scene II. * I conceive disgust at these impertinent and misbecoming familiarities inscribed upon your ordinary tombstone. ** [[Charles Lamb]]; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 232. * Satire does not look pretty upon a tombstone; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 232. ** [[Charles Lamb]]; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 232. * I strove with none, for none was worth my strife;<br> Nature I loved, and after Nature, Art;<br>I warmed both hands before the fire of life;<br> It sinks, and I am ready to depart. ** [[Walter Savage Landor]], Epitaph on Himself; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 232. * Emigravit, is the inscription on the tombstone where he lies;<br>Dead he is not, but departed,—for the artist never dies. ** [[Henry Wadsworth Longfellow]], ''Nuremberg''; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 232. * Here lie I, Martin Elginbrodde:<br>Have mercy o' my soul, Lord God;<br>As I wad do, were I Lord God,<br>And ye were Martin Elginbrodde. ** [[George McDonald]], ''David Elginbrod'', Chapter XIII; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 232. * The shameless Chloe placed on the tombs of her seven husbands the inscription, "The work of Chloe." How could she have expressed herself more plainly? ** [[Martial]], ''Epigrams'' (c. 80-104 AD), Book IX, Epigram 15; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 232. * This work, newly revised and improved by its great Author, will reappear in a splendid day. ** Epitaph on Oscar Meader in a church in Berlin. * ''Ci gît l'enfant gâté du monde qu'il gâta.'' ** Here lies the child spoiled by the world which he spoiled. ** [[Baronne de Montolieu]], ''Epitaph on Voltaire''; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 232. * ''Requiescat in pace.'' ** May he rest in peace. ** Order of the Mass; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 232. * Beneath this stone old Abraham lies;<br>Nobody laughs and nobody cries.<br>Where he is gone, and how he fares,<br>Nobody knows and nobody cares. ** On the monument of Abraham Newland, principal cashier of the Bank of England (Died, 1807; his own lines); reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 232. * ''Jacet ecce Tibullus;<br>Vix manet e toto parva quod urna capit.'' ** Here lies Tibullus; of all that he was there scarcely remains enough to fill a small urn. ** [[Ovid]], ''Amorum'' (16 BC), Book III, 9, 39; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 232. * ''Molliter ossa cubent.'' ** May his bones rest gently. ** [[Ovid]], ''Heroides'', VII, 162; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 232. * "In his last binn Sir Peter lies."<br> * * * *<br>He kept at true humour's mark<br> The social flow of pleasure's tide:<br>He never made a brow look dark,<br> Nor caused a tear, but when he died. ** [[Thomas Love Peacock]], ''To Sir Peter''; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 232. * ''Postquam est mortem aptus Plautus: comœdia luget<br>Scena deserta, dein risus ludus jocusque<br>Et numeri innumeri simul omnes collacrumarunt.'' ** Plautus has prepared himself for a life beyond the grave; the comic stage deserted weeps; laughter also and jest and joke; and poetic and prosaic will bewail his loss together. ** Epitaph of [[Plautus]], by himself; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 232. * Under this marble, or under this sill,<br>Or under this turf, or e'en what they will,<br>Whatever an heir, or a friend in his stead,<br>Or any good creature shall lay o'er my head,<br>Lies one who ne'er car'd, and still cares not a pin<br>What they said or may say of the mortal within;<br>But who, living and dying, serene, still and free,<br>Trusts in God that as well as he was he shall be. ** [[Alexander Pope]], ''Epitaph''; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 232. * Kneller, by Heaven and not a master taught<br>Whose art was nature, and whose pictures thought,<br> * * * * * *<br>Living great Nature fear'd he might outvie<br>Her works; and dying, fears herself may die. ** [[Alexander Pope]], Inscription on the monument of Sir Geofrey Kneller in Westminster Abbey; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 232. Imitated from the epitaph on Raphael, in the Pantheon at Rome. * To this sad shrine, whoe'er thou art! draw near!<br>Here lies the friend most lov'd, the son most dear;<br>Who ne'er knew joy but friendship might divide,<br>Or gave his father grief but when he died. ** [[Alexander Pope]], Epitaph on Harcourt; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 232. * ''Nihil unquam peccavit, nisi quod mortua est.'' ** She never did wrong in any way, unless in the fact that she died. ** On a wife's tomb at Rome; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 232. * Calmly he looked on either Life, and here<br>Saw nothing to regret, or there to fear:<br>From Nature's temp'rate feast rose satisfy'd,<br>Thank'd Heaven that he had lived, and that he died. ** [[Alexander Pope]], Epitaph X; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 232. * Statesman, yet friend to truth! of soul sincere,<br>In action faithful, and in honour clear;<br>Who broke no promise, served no private end,<br>Who gained no title, and who lost no friend,<br>Ennobled by himself, by all approved,<br>And praised, unenvied, by the muse he loved. ** [[Alexander Pope]], ''Moral Essays'', Epistle V, line 67 (to Addison); reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 233. * Heralds and statesmen, by your leave,<br> Here lies what once was Matthew Prior;<br>The son of Adam and of Eve;<br> Can Bourbon or Nassau go higher? ** [[Matthew Prior]], ''Epitaph'', ''Extempore'' (as given in original edition); reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 233. * Johnny Carnegie lais heer<br> Descendit of Adam and Eve,<br>Gif ony cou gang hieher,<br> I'se willing give him leve. ** Epitaph in an old Scottish Churchyard; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 233. * ''In Fortunam<br>Inveni portum spes et fortuna valete<br>Nil mini vobiscum ludite nunc alios.'' ** Mine haven's found; Fortune and Hope, adieu.<br> Mock others now, for I have done with you. ** Inscription on the tomb of Francesco Pucci in the church of St. Onuphrius, (St. Onofrio), Rome; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 233. Translation by Burton, ''Anatomy of Melancholy'', Part II, Section III. Memb. 6. Quoted by him as a saying of Prudentius. Attributed to Janus Pannonius. See Jani Panuonii, ''Onofrio'', Part II. Folio 70. Found in Laurentius Schradern's ''Monumenta Italiæ'', ''Folio Helmæstadii'', p. 164. Attributed to Cardinal, La Marck in foot-note to Le Sage's ''Gil Blas''. * ''Jam portum inveni, Spes et Fortuna valete.<br>Nil mihi vobiscum est, ludite nunc alios.'' ** Fortune and Hope farewell! I've found the port;<br> You've done with me: go now, with others sport. ** Version of the Greek epigram in the Anthologia; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 233. Translation by Merivale. Latin by Thomas More, in the Progymnasmata prefixed to first ed. of More's Epigrams. (1520). * Avete multum, Spesque, Forsque; sum in vado.<br>Qui pone sint illudite; haud mea interest. ** Version of the Greek epigram in Dr. Wellesley's Anthologia Polyglotta, p. 464. Ed. 1849; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 233. * Speme e Fortuna, addio; che' in porto entrai.<br>Schernite gli altri; ch'io vi spregio omai. ** Version of the Greek epigram by Luigi Alamanni; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 233. * I came at morn—'twas spring, I smiled,<br> The fields with green were clad;<br>I walked abroad at noon,—and lo!<br> 'Twas summer,—I was glad;<br>I sate me down; 'twas autumn eve,<br> And I with sadness wept;<br>I laid me down at night, and then<br> 'Twas winter,—and I slept. ** [[Mary Pyper]], ''Epitaph'', ''A Life''. Same on a tombstone in Massachusetts. See ''Newhaven Magazine'' (Dec., 1863); reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 233. * The world's a book, writ by th' eternal Art<br>Of the great Maker; printed in man's heart;<br>'Tis falsely printed though divinely penn'd,<br>And all the Errata will appear at th' end. ** [[Francis Quarles]], ''Divine Fancies''; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 233. * The World's a Printing-House, our words, our thoughts,<br> Our deeds, are characters of several sizes.<br>Each Soul is a Compos'tor, of whose faults<br> The Levites are Correctors; Heaven Revises.<br>Death is the common Press, from whence being driven,<br> We're gather'd, Sheet by Sheet, and bound for Heaven. ** [[Francis Quarles]], ''Divine Fancies''. * She was—but room forbids to tell thee what—<br>Sum all perfection up, and she was—that. ** [[Francis Quarles]], ''Epitaph on Lady Luchyn''; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 233. * Warm summer sun, shine friendly here;<br>Warm western wind, blow kindly here;<br>Green sod above, rest light, rest light—<br>Good-night, Annette!<br> Sweetheart, good-night. ** [[Robert Richardson]], in his collection, ''Willow and Wattle'', p. 35; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 233. * Warm summer sun shine kindly here;<br>Warm southern wind blow softly here;<br>Green sod above lie light, lie light—<br>Good night, dear heart, good night, good night. ** Richardson's lines on the tombstone of Susie Clemens as altered by [[Mark Twain]]; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 233. * Quod expendi habui<br>Quod donavi habeo<br>Quod servavi perdidi. ** That I spent that I had<br> That I gave that I have<br> That I left that I lost. ** Epitaph under an effigy of a priest. T. F. Ravenshaw's ''Antiente Epitaphes'', p. 5. Weever's ''Funeral Monuments''. Ed. 1631, p. 581. Pettigrew's ''Chronicles of the Tombs''; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 233. * Ecce quod expendi habui, quod donavi habeo,<br> quod negavi punior, quod servavi perdidi. ** On Tomb of John Killungworth (1412), in Pitson Church, Bucks, England; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 233. * Lo, all that ever I spent, that sometime had I;<br>All that I gave in good intent, that now have I;<br>That I never gave, nor lent, that now aby I;<br>That I kept till I went, that lost I. ** Translation of the Latin on the brasses of a priest at St. Albans, and on a brass as late as 1584 at St. Olave's, Hart Street, London; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 233. * It that I gife, I haif,<br>It that I len, I craif,<br>It that I spend, is myue,<br>It that I leif, I tyne. ** On very old stone in Scotland. Hackett's ''Epitaphs'', Volume I, p. 32 (Ed. 1737); reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 233. * Howe: Howe: who is heare:<br>I, Robin of Doncaster, and Margaret my feare.<br> That I spent, that I had;<br> That I gave, that I have;<br> That I left, that I lost. ** Epitaph of Robert Byrkes, in Doncaster Church. Richard Gough, ''Sepulchral Monuments of Great Britain''; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 234. * The earthe goeth on the earthe<br> Glisteringe like gold;<br>The earthe goeth to the earthe<br> Sooner than it wold;<br>The earthe builds on the earthe<br> Castles and Towers;<br>The earthe says to the earthe<br> All shall be ours. ** Epitaph in T. F. Ravenshaw's ''Antiente Epitaphes'' (1878), p. 158. Also in ''The Scotch Haggis''. Edinburgh, 1822. For variation of same see Montgomery, ''Christian Poets'', p. 58. 3rd ed. Note states it is by William Billyng, ''Five Wounds of Christ''. From an old Manuscript in the possession of William Bateman, of Manchester. The epitaph to Archbishop of Canterbury, time of Edward III, is the same. See Weaver's ''Funeral Monuments'' (1631). Facsimile discovered in the chapel of the Guild of the Holy Cross, at Stratford. See Fisher's ''Illustrations of the Paintings'', etc. (1802). Ed. by J. G. Nichols. Epitaph and citations reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 234. * Earth walks on Earth,<br> Glittering in gold;<br>Earth goes to Earth,<br> Sooner than it wold;<br>Earth builds on Earth,<br> Palaces and towers;<br>Earth says to Earth,<br> Soon, all shall be ours. ** [[Walter Scott]], ''Unpublished Epigram'', in ''Notes and Queries'' (May 21, 1853), p. 498; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 234. * Traveller, let your step be light,<br> So that sleep these eyes may close,<br>For poor Scarron, till to-night,<br> Ne'er was able e'en to doze. ** [[Scarron]], epitaph written by himself; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 234. * ''Sit tua terra levis.'' ** May the earth rest lightly on thee. ** [[Seneca]], Epigram II. Ad Corsican. Martial—Epigram V. 35; IX. 30. 11. * Good Frend for Jesvs Sake Forbeare,<br>To Digg the Dvst Encloased Heare.<br>Blese be ye Man yt Spares Thes Stones.<br>And Cvrst be he yt Moves my Bones. ** Epitaph on Shakespeare's Tombstone at Stratford-on-Avon (said to be chosen by him, but not original); reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 234. * These are two friends whose lives were undivided:<br>So let their memory be, now they have glided<br>Under the grave; let not their bones be parted,<br>For their two hearts in life were single-hearted. ** [[Percy Bysshe Shelley]], ''Epitaph''; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 234. * He will be weighed again<br> At the Great Day,<br> His rigging refitted,<br>And his timbers repaired,<br>And with one broadside<br> Make his adversary<br> Strike in his turn. ** [[Tobias Smollett]], ''Peregrine Pickle'', Volume III, Chapter VII. Epitaph on Commodore Trunnion; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 234. * Let no man write my epitaph; let my grave<br>Be uninscribed, and let my memory rest<br>Till other times are come, and other men,<br>Who then may do me justice. ** [[Southey]]. Written after Reading the Speech of Robert Emmet; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 234. * The turf has drank a<br> Widow's tear;<br>Three of her husbands<br> Slumber here. ** Epitaph at Staffordshire; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 234. * Here lies one who meant well, tried a little, failed much. ** [[Robert Louis Stevenson]], ''Christmas Sermon''; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 234. * I, whom Apollo sometime visited,<br>Or feigned to visit, now, my day being done,<br>Do slumber wholly, nor shall know at all<br>The weariness of changes; nor perceive<br>Immeasurable sands of centuries<br>Drink up the blanching ink, or the loud sound<br>Of generations beat the music down. ** [[Robert Louis Stevenson]], ''Epitaph for himself''; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 234. * Now when the number of my years<br> Is all fulfilled and I<br> From sedentary life<br> Shall rouse me up to die,<br> Bury me low and let me lie<br> Under the wide and starry sky.<br> Joying to live, I joyed to die,<br> Bury me low and let me lie. ** [[Robert Louis Stevenson]], poem written in 1879; probably original of his Requiem; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 235. * To the down Bow of Death<br> His Forte gave way,<br>All the Graces in sorrow were drown'd;<br>Hallelujah Cresendo<br>Shall be his glad lay<br>When Da'Capo the Trumpet shall sound. ** Epitaph to Samuel Taylor, in Youlgreaves Churchyard, Derbyshire, England; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 235. * Thou third great Canning, stand among our best<br>And noblest, now thy long day's work hath ceased,<br>Here silent in our minster of the West<br>Who wert the voice of England in the East. ** [[Alfred Tennyson]], Epitaph on Lord Stratford De Redcliffe; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 235. * Ne'er to these chambers where the mighty rest,<br>Since their foundation came a nobler guest;<br>Nor e'er was to the bowers of bliss conveyed<br>A fairer spirit or more welcome shade. ** [[Thomas Tickell]], ''Ode on the Death of Addison''. Later placed on Addison's tomb in Henry the VII Chapel, Westminster; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 235. * Then haste, kind Death, in pity to my age,<br>And clap the Finis to my life's last page.<br>May Heaven's great Author my foul proof revise,<br>Cancel the page in which my error lies,<br>And raise my form above the etherial skies.<br> * * * * * * * *<br>The stubborn pressman's form I now may scoff;<br>Revised, corrected, finally worked off! ** [[C. H. Timberley]], ed. ''Songs of the Press'' (1845); reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 235. * ''Mantua me genuit; Calabri rapuere; tenet nunc<br>Parthenope. Cecini pascua, rura, duces.'' ** Mantua bore me; the people of Calabria carried me off; Parthenope (Naples) holds me now. I have sung of pastures, of fields, of chieftains. ** [[Virgil]]'s Epitaph; said to be by himself; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 235. * Here in this place sleeps one whom love<br>Caused, through great cruelty to fall.<br>A little scholar, poor enough,<br>Whom François Villon men did call.<br>No scrap of land or garden small<br>He owned. He gave his goods away,<br>Table and trestles, baskets—all;<br>For God's sake say for him this Lay. ** [[François Villon]], His own Epitaph; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 235. * He directed the stone over his grave to be thus inscribed:<br> ''Hie jacet hujus Sententiæ primus Author:<br> Disputandi pruritus ecclesiarum scabies.<br> Nomen alias quære.''<br> Here lies the first author of this sentence; "The itch of disputation will prove the scab of the Church." Inquire his name elsewhere. ** [[Isaak Walton]], ''Life of Wotton''; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 235. * The poet's fate is here in emblem shown,<br>He asked for bread, and he received a stone. ** [[Samuel Wesley]], Epigrams. On Butler's Monument in Westminster Abbey; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 235. * Here lies, in a "horizontal" position<br> The "outside" case of<br>Peter Pendulum, watch-maker.<br>He departed this life "wound up"<br>In hopes of being "taken in hand" by his Maker,<br>And of being thoroughly "cleaned, repaired" and "set a-going"<br> In the world to come. ** [[C. H. Wilson]], ''Polyanthea''. Epitaph on a Watch-maker. Transcribed from Aberconway Churchyard; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 235. * O what a monument of glorious worth,<br>When in a new edition he comes forth,<br>Without erratas, may we think he'll be<br>In leaves and covers of eternity! ** [[Benjamin Woodbridge]], ''Lines on John Cotton'' (1652); reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 235. * He first deceas'd; she for a little tri'd<br>To live without him, lik'd it not, and died. ** Sir [[Henry Wotton]], ''Upon the Death of Sir Albertus Morton's Wife''; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 235. * ''Si monumentum requiris circumspice.'' ** If you would see his monument look around. ** Inscription on the tomb of Sir Christopher Wren in St. Paul's, London. Written by his son. Translation by Rogers, ''Italy'', ''Florence''; reported in Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922), p. 235. == See also == * [[Famous last words]] *[[Cemetery]] *[[Cremation]] *[[Death]] *[[Funeral]] *[[Grave (burial)]] *[[Undertakers]] == External links == {{wikipedia|Epitaph}} {{wiktionary|epitaph}} {{Commons|Category:Epitaphs|Epitaphs}} [[Category:Death]] [[cy:Beddgraffiadau]] [[de:Grabinschriften]] [[el:Επιτύμβιες στήλες]] [[es:Epitafios]] [[gl:Epitafios]] [[it:Epitaffi]] [[hu:Sírfeliratok]] [[ko:묘비명]] [[nl:Grafschriften]] [[pl:Epitafia]] [[pt:Epitáfios]] [[fa:سنگ‌نوشته‌ها]] 9vwju2rwfgvkvc3xw78i7tuvta354qq 0 126539 3778739 3771425 2025-07-14T15:31:28Z 160.72.80.178 /* H */"Included quotation about war itself by the philsopher "[[Robert L. Holmes]]"~~~~NHPL 3778739 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Battle of Thermopylae Spartans and Persians.jpg|thumb|They sent forth men to battle. But no such men return.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Aeschylus]]}}]] [[File:Syria.BasharAlAssad.jpg|thumb|Have you heard about "good war"? I don't think anyone have heard about good war. It's a war, you always have casualties, you always have innocent people, people being killed by any means, no one can tell how...<br> ~&nbsp;[[Bashar al-Assad]] ]] [[File:Julian Assange in Ecuadorian Embassy cropped.jpg|thumb|If wars can be started with lies, they can be stopped by truth. ~ [[Julian Assange]]]] '''[[w:War|War]]''' is an intense armed [[conflict]] between [[State|states]], [[Government|governments]], [[societies]], or [[W:paramilitary groups|paramilitary groups]] such as [[Mercenary|mercenaries]], [[w:insurgent|insurgents]], and [[W:militias|militias]]. It is generally characterized by extreme [[violence]], [[aggression]], [[destruction]], and [[mortality]], using regular or irregular [[military]] forces. __NOTOC__ {{TOCalpha|[[#Unknown authorship|Unknown authorship]] • [[#War quotations in fiction|War quotations in fiction]]}} == A == * It would be superfluous in me to point out to [[John Russell, 1st Earl Russell|your Lordship]] that this is war. ** [[Charles Francis Adams, Sr.|Charles Francis Adams Sr.]], Despatch to [[John Russell, 1st Earl Russell|Earl Russell]] at a period of diplomatic tension between the US and Britain during the [[American Civil War]] (September 5, 1863); ''Correspondence concerning Claims against Great Britain'', [https://archive.org/details/correspondenceco311unit/page/364/mode/2up vol. 2] (Washington, D.C., 1870), p. 365 * My voice is still for war. ** [[Joseph Addison]], ''{{w|Cato, a Tragedy}}'' (1713), act 2, sc. 1 * They sent forth men to battle,<br>But no such men return;<br>And home, to claim their welcome,<br>Come ashes in an urn. ** [[Aeschylus]], ''[[w:Oresteia|Agamemnon]]'', ll. 423–45 (tr. Philip Vellacott, 1956; rev. 1959) * What is the only provocation that could bring about the use of [[nuclear weapons]]? Nuclear weapons. What is the priority target for nuclear weapons? Nuclear weapons. What is the only established defense against nuclear weapons? Nuclear weapons. How do we prevent the use of nuclear weapons? By threatening the use of nuclear weapons. And we can't get rid of nuclear weapons, because of nuclear weapons. The intransigence, it seems, is a function of the weapons themselves. ** [[Martin Amis]], ''{{w|Einstein's Monsters}}'' (1987), "Thinkability" * The arms race is a race between nuclear weapons and ourselves. ** Martin Amis, ''Einstein's Monsters'' (1987), "Thinkability" * There are two rules of war that have not yet been invalidated by the [[New world order (politics)|new world order]]. The first rule is that the belligerent nation must be fairly sure that its actions will make things better; the second rule is that the belligerent nation must be more or less certain that its actions won't make things worse. America could perhaps claim to be satisfying the first rule (while admitting that the improvement may be only local and short term). It cannot begin to satisfy the second. ** [[Martin Amis]], [https://web.archive.org/web/20031013065253/http://www.globalpolicy.org/wtc/analysis/2003/0304palace.htm "The Palace of the End"], in ''The Guardian'' (4 March 2003) * A great [[historian]], [[Henry Steele Commager]], said that in their lust for victory, neither traditional party is looking beyond November. And he went on to cite three issues that their platforms totally ignore: [[Nuclear war|atomic warfare]], Presidential Directive 59 notwithstanding. If we don't resolve that issue, all others become irrelevant. The issue of our natural resources; the right of posterity to inherit the [[earth]], and what kind of earth will it be? The issue of [[nationalism]] — the recognition, he says, that every major problem confronting us is global, and cannot be solved by nationalism here or elsewhere — that is chauvinistic, that is parochial, that is as [[Anachronism|anachronistic]] as [[states' rights]] was in the days of [[Jefferson Davis]]. ** [[John B. Anderson]], [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/presidential-debate-baltimore-reagan-anderson 1980 Presidential Debate], (21 September 1980) * Let who will boast their courage in the field,<br>I find but little safety from my shield.<br>Nature's, not honour's, law we must obey:</br>This made me cast my useless shield away,<br>And by a prudent flight and cunning save<br>A life, which valour could not, from the grave.<br>A better buckler I can soon regain;<br>But who can get another life again? ** [[Archilochus]], fragment 6, quoted by [[Plutarch]], [[w:Moralia (Plutarch)|''Instituta Laconica'']] (tr. Several Hands, 1691). Reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's]]'' (1922), p. 841 * Instead of breaking that bridge, we should, if possible, provide another, that he may retire the sooner out of Europe. ** [[Aristides]], referring to the proposal to destroy Xerxes' bridge of ships over the Hellespont. ("A bridge for a retreating army.") See [[Plutarch]], ''Life of Demosthenes''. Reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's]]'' (1922), p. 841 * This is war. '''Have you heard about "good war"? I don't think anyone have heard about good war. It's a war, you always have casualties, you always have innocent people, people being killed by any means''', no one can tell how... ** [[Bashar al-Assad]], [https://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/syria-s-president-bashar-al-assad-speaks-nbc-news-n608746 Interview with Bill Neely], ''NBC News'' (July 2016) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=45odEv_1DAY] * If wars can be started with lies, they can be stopped by [[truth]]. ** [[Julian Assange]], as quoted in Sam Carliner, [https://www.commondreams.org/views/2021/10/22/fate-anti-war-journalism-lies-upcoming-assange-hearings "Fate of Anti-War Journalism Lies in Upcoming Assange Hearings"], ''Common Dreams'' (October 22, 2021) == B == [[File:Soldiers in trench.jpg|thumb|Comrade, I did not want to kill you. If you jumped in here again, I would not do it, if you would be sensible too. But you were only an idea to me before, an abstraction that lived in my mind and called forth its appropriate response. It was that abstraction I stabbed. ~&nbsp;[[w:Paul Bäumer|Paul Bäumer]] ]] [[File:Bulava SLBM launched by Yuri Dolgoruky submarine.jpg|thumb|The paradox of [[nuclear weapons]] is that the most powerful weapons ever created have no practical value as actual weapons of war, since there can be no winner in a war that kills everybody. ~ [[Medea Benjamin]] ]] [[File:RAF C-17 at Kabul Airport.jpg|thumb|I refuse to continue in a war that was no longer in the service of the vital national interest of our people. <br>~ [[Joe Biden]] ]] [[File:Bourne.jpg|thumb|War is the [[health]] of the [[State]].<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Randolph Bourne]]}}]] [[File:General Bradley.jpg|thumb|Wars can be prevented just as surely as they can be provoked, and we who fail to prevent them must share the guilt for the [[dead]].<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Omar Bradley]]}}]] [[File:Smedley Butler and Jiggs, circa 1926 (14773593761).jpg|thumb|War is a racket. It always has been. It is possibly the oldest, easily the most profitable, surely the most vicious. It is the only one international in scope. It is the only one in which the profits are reckoned in dollars and the losses in lives. ~ [[Smedley Butler]]]] * I refused to continue in a war that was no longer in the service of the vital national interest of our people. ... We’ve been a nation too long at war. If you're 20 years old today, you have never known an America at [[peace]]. ** [[Joe Biden]], [https://ae.usembassy.gov/remarks-by-president-biden-on-the-end-of-the-war-in-afghanistan/ Remarks on the end of the War in Afghanistan] (September 1, 2021) * War can be and is mass murder, where the motive is wrong. It can be sacrifice and right action, where the motive is right. The slaying of a man in the act of killing the defenseless is not regarded as murder. The principle remains the same, whether it is killing an individual who is murdering, or fighting a nation which is warring on the defenseless. ** [[Alice Bailey]], "Treatise on the Seven Rays" (1936), collected in [https://archive.org/details/ponderonthis0000bail_q1c3/page/420/mode/2up ''Ponder on This''] (1974 [1971]), p. 180 * The distribution of the world's resources and the settled unity of the peoples of the world are ... one and the same thing, for behind all modern [[wars]] lies a fundamental economic problem. Solve that and wars will very largely cease. ** [[Alice Bailey]], [https://archive.org/details/problemsofhumani0000bail/page/166/mode/2up ''Problems of Humanity''] (1983 [1947]), ch. 6 * Of all the differences between the [[w:Old World|Old World]] and the [[w:New World|New]] this is perhaps the most salient: Half the wars of [[Europe]], half the [[troubles]] that have vexed European States, ... have arisen from [[theological]] differences or from the rival claims of [[church]] and [[state]]. This whole vast chapter of [[debate]] and [[strife]] has remained virtually unopened in the [[United States]]. ** [[w:Randall Balmer|Randall Herbert Balmer]], [https://www.google.com/books/edition/Thy_Kingdom_Come/vlzhyEqbqa8C?hl=en&gbpv=1&printsec=frontcover ''Thy Kingdom Come''] (Basic Books, 2007), p. viii * Comrade, I did not want to kill you. If you jumped in here again, I would not do it, if you would be sensible too. But you were only an idea to me before, an abstraction that lived in my mind and called forth its appropriate response. It was that abstraction I stabbed. But now, for the first time, I see you are a man like me. I thought of your hand-grenades, of your [[bayonet]], of your rifle; now I see your wife and your face and our fellowship. Forgive me, comrade. We always see it too late. Why do they never tell us that you are poor devils like us, that your mothers are just as anxious as ours, and that we have the same fear of death, and the same dying and the same agony — forgive me, comrade; how could you be my enemy? If we threw away these rifles and this uniform you could be my brother, just like Kat and Albert. Take twenty years of my life, comrade, and stand up — take more, for I do not know what I can even attempt to do with it now. ** [[w:Paul Bäumer|Paul Bäumer]], ''[[All Quiet on the Western Front]]'' (tr. A. W. Wheen, 1929) * [[Germany]] could not win this war because it was in league with the [[devil]]. This war would not have ended without [[revolution]]. ** [[Erich von dem Bach]], to Leon Goldensohn (14 February 1946), as quored in Leon Goldensohn and Robert Gellately, ''The Nuremberg Interviews'' (2004) * I’ve been thinking about the war a lot recently, and I think I’ve decided it’s wrong. We are defeating ourselves in waging it, will destroy ourselves by winning it. ** [[Iain Banks]], "Descendant" (1987), collected in ''[[w:The State of the Art|The State of the Art]]'' (1989) * All quiet along the [[w:Potomac|Potomac]] they say<br> Except now and then a stray picket<br>Is shot as he walks on his beat, to and fro,<br> By a rifleman hid in the thicket. ** [[Ethel Lynn Beers]], "The Picket Guard". Claimed by Lamar Fontaine. Reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's]]'' (1922), p. 842 * Gaily! gaily! close our ranks!<br> &nbsp;&nbsp; Arm! Advance!<br> &nbsp;&nbsp; Hope of France!<br>Gaily! gaily! close our ranks!<br>Onward! Onward! Gauls and Franks! ** [[Pierre-Jean de Béranger]], ''Les Gaulois et François'' (tr. C. L. Bett, 1847)<!--Reported in ''Hoyt's'' (1922), p. 842--> * Wars invariably serve as classrooms and laboratories where men and techniques and states of mind are prepared for the next war. ** [[Wendell Berry]], "A Statement against the War in Vietnam", ''The Long-Legged House'' (1969) * The inevitableness, the [[idealism]], and the blessing of war, as an indispensable and stimulating law of development, must be repeatedly emphasized. ** {{w|Friedrich von Bernhardi}}, ''Germany and the Next War'' (1911), ch. 1 * War is a biological necessity of the first importance, a regulative element in the life of mankind which cannot be dispensed with. ... But it is not only a biological law but a moral obligation and, as such, an indispensable factor in civilization. ** {{w|Friedrich von Bernhardi}}, ''Germany and the Next War'' (1911), ch. 1 * Our next war will be fought for the highest interests of our country and of mankind. This will invest it with importance in the world's history. "World power or downfall" will be our rallying cry. ** {{w|Friedrich von Bernhardi}}, ''Germany and the Next War'' (1911), ch. 7 * We [[Germans]] have a far greater and more urgent duty towards civilization to perform than the Great Asiatic Power. We, like the [[Japan|Japanese]], can only fulfil it by the sword. ** {{w|Friedrich von Bernhardi}}, ''Germany and the Next War'' (1911), ch. 13 * Just for a word—"[[neutrality]]," a word which in war-time had so often been disregarded—just for a scrap of paper, [[United Kingdom|Great Britain]] was going to make war on a kindred nation who desired nothing better than to be friends with her. ** [[Theobald von Bethmann-Hollweg]], German Chancellor, to Sir Edward Goschen, British Ambassador (August 4, 1914), in James M. Beck, [https://archive.org/details/caseofbelgiu00beck/page/214/mode/2up?q=%22was+going+to+make+war+on+a+kindred+nation%22 ''The Case of Belgium''] (1914), pp. 214–15 * Wars are God's way of teaching Americans geography. ** Attributed to [[Ambrose Bierce]] in Larry Minear, [https://archive.org/details/humanitarianpoli0000mine/page/66/mode/2up?q=%22way+of+teaching+Americans+geography%22 ''Humanitarian Politics''] (1995), p. 67 * ''L'affaire Herzegovinienne ne vaut pas les os d'un fusilier poméranien.'' ** The Herzegovina question is not worth the bones of a Pomeranian fusileer. *** [[Otto von Bismarck]] (1875), during the struggle between the Christian provinces and Turkey, which led to the Russo-Turkish War. Another version is "The Eastern Question is not worth," etc. * ''Lieber Spitzkugeln als Spitzreden.'' ** Better pointed bullets than pointed speeches. *** [[Otto von Bismarck]], Speech (1850), relative to Manteuffel's dealings with Austria during the insurrection of the People of Hesse Cassel * ''Ich sehe in unserm Bundesverhältnisse ein Gebrechen Preussens, welches wir früher oder später ferro et igne werden heilen müssen.'' ** I see in our relations with our alliance a fault of Prussia's, which we must cure sooner or later ferro et igne. *** [[Otto von Bismarck]], letter to Baron von Schleinitz (May 12, 1859) * [The great questions of the day] are not decided by speeches and majority votes, but by blood and iron. ** [[Otto von Bismarck]], Declaration to the Prussian House of Delegates (September 30, 1862). Same idea in Schenkendorf, ''Das Eiserne Kreuz'' * War tore the guts out of the [[British Empire|British empire]], weakening it in resources and morale. The first major loss was Ireland. ** [[Jeremy Black (historian)|Jeremy Black]], ''A History of the British Isles'' (1996) * No wars are unintended or 'accidental'. What is often unintended is the length and bloodiness of the war. ** [[Geoffrey Blainey]], ''The Causes of War'' (1973) * War and peace are not separate compartments. Peace depends on threats and force; often peace is the crystallisation of past force. ** [[Geoffrey Blainey]], ''The Causes of War'' (1973) * It is the problem of accurately measuring the relative power of nations which goes far to explain why wars occur. War is a dispute about the measurement of power. War marks the choice of a new set of weights and measures. ** [[Geoffrey Blainey]], ''The Causes of War'' (1973) * Generals gathered in their masses<br> just like witches at black masses.<br> Evil minds that plot destruction,<br> sorcerer of death's construction. ** [[w:Black Sabbath|Black Sabbath]], "War Pigs", [[w:Paranoid (album)|''Paranoid'']] (1970), written by [[w:Ozzy Osbourne|Ozzy Osbourne]], [[w:Tony Iommi|Tony Iommi]], [[w:Geezer Butler|Geezer Butler]] and [[w:Bill Ward|Bill Ward]] * What a place to plunder! ** Field Marshal von Blücher's comment on viewing London from St. Paul's, after the Peace Banquet at Oxford, 1814. Same idea in Malcolm, ''Sketches of Persia'', p. 232. In Thackeray, ''Four Georges'', George I says: "The bold old Reiter looked down from St. Paul's and sighed out, 'Was für Plunder!' The German women plundered; the German secretaries plundered; the German cooks and intendants plundered; even Mustapha and Mahomet, the German negroes, had a share of the booty." The German quoted would be correctly translated "what rubbish!" <!--Blücher, therefore, has been either misquoted or mistranslated.--> * War is not a pathology that, with proper hygiene and treatment, can be wholly prevented. War is a natural condition of the State, which was organized in order to be an effective instrument of violence on behalf of society. Wars are like deaths, which, while they can be postponed, will come when they will come and cannot be finally avoided. ** [[w:Philip Bobbitt|Philip Bobbitt]], ''[[w:The Shield of Achilles: War, Peace, and the Course of History|The Shield of Achilles: War, Peace, and the Course of History]]'' (2002) * War will make corpses of us all. ** Boromir in ''[[The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers]]'' (2002 film) * It is magnificent, but it is not war. ** General [[Pierre Bosquet]], on the Charge of the Light Brigade. Attributed also to Marshal Canrobert. Reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's]]'' (1922), p. 842 * [[War]] is the [[health]] of the [[State]].&nbsp; Only when the State is at war does the modern society function with that [[unity]] of [[sentiment]], simple uncritical [[patriotic]] [[devotion]], [[cooperation]] of services, which have always been the ideal of the State lover. ** [[Randolph Bourne]], [[s:The State|''The State'']] (1918), [[s:The State#I|§1]] * War is the health of the State and it is during war that one best understands the nature of that institution. ** Randolph Bourne, ''The State'' (1918), [[s:The State#II|§2]] * We have men of [[science]], too few men of God. '''We have grasped the mystery of the atom and rejected the [[Sermon on the Mount|''Sermon on the Mount'']]. The world has achieved brilliance without [[conscience]]. Ours is a world of nuclear giants and [[Ethics|ethical]] infants.''' We know more about war than we know about [[peace]], more about killing than we know about living. If we continue to develop our technology without wisdom or prudence, our servant may prove to be our executioner. ** [[Omar Bradley]], Armistice Day speech (11 November 1948), in Bradley's ''Collected Writings'', vol. 1 (1967) * Wars can be prevented just as surely as they can be provoked, and we who fail to prevent them must share the guilt for the [[dead]]. ** Omar Bradley, as quoted in [[Peace Pilgrim]], ''Her Life and Work in Her Own Words'' (1992), p. 113 * Ethical obligation has to subordinate itself to the totalitarian nature of war. ** [[Karl Brandt]] (1947); ''Trials of War Criminals before the Nuremberg Military Tribunals under Control Council Law No. 10'', [https://archive.org/details/TrialsOfWarCriminalsBeforeTheNurembergMilitaryTribunalsUnderControlCouncil/Trials%20of%20war%20criminals%20before%20the%20Nuremberg%20Military%20Tribunals%20under%20Control%20Council%20law%20no.%2010.%20-%20Nuremberg%2C%20October%201946-%20April%2C%201949%20Volume%201/page/n1001/mode/2up?q=%22obligation+has+to+subordinate+itself+to+the%22 vol. 1] (October 1946–April 1949), p. 972<!--Quoted in article "Ethics of Nazi doctors analyzed in telecast" by Joanna Arnold, 10/17/07.--> * [[Politics]] is the domestication of war. **[[Giannina Braschi]], ''{{w|Yo-Yo Boing!}}'' (1998) * What we have here is a war, the war of matter and spirit...The war of banks and religion. In [[New York City]], [[Banking|banks]] tower over [[w:Cathedrals|cathedrals]]. Banks are the temples of America. This is a [[holy war]]. Our [[economy]] is our [[religion]]." ** [[Giannina Braschi]], ''{{w|United States of Banana}}'' (2011) * My tanks were filled with gasoline and wars. I was a lead soldier. I marched against the smoke of the city....And the world closed its doors—anvils and hammers against the sleeping men—doors of the [[heart]]—cities everywhere—and litte lead soldiers. ** [[Giannina Braschi]], ''Empire of Dreams'' (1988) * [War] is a highly planned and cooperative form of theft. ** [[Jacob Bronowski]], "Harvest of the Seasons", ''{{w|The Ascent of Man}}'' (1973) * Of course, it's tempting to close one's eyes to history and instead to speculate about the roots of war in some possible animal instinct. As if, like the tiger, we still had to kill to live or like the robin redbreast to defend a nesting territory. But war, organized war, is not a human instinct. It is a highly planned and cooperative form of theft. And that form of theft began ten-thousand years ago when the harvesters of wheat accumulated a surplus and the nomads rose out of the desert to rob them of what they themselves could not provide. The evidence for that, we saw, in the walled city of Jericho and it's prehistoric tower. That is the beginning of war. ** Jacob Bronowski, "Harvest of the Seasons", ''The Ascent of Man'' (1973) * War provides men with the perfect psychological backdrop to give vent to their contempt for women. The maleness of the military—the brute power of weaponry exclusive to their hands, the spiritual bonding of men at arms, the manly discipline of orders given and orders obeyed, the simple logic of the hierarchical command—confirms for men what they long suspect—that women are peripheral to the world that counts ** [[Susan Brownmiller]] [https://books.google.com/books/about/Against_Our_Will.html?id=jaWqAAAAQBAJ&printsec=frontcover&source=kp_read_button#v=onepage&q&f=false ''Against Our Will''] (1975), p. 22 * The [[Federal government of the United States|Government of the United States]] would be constrained to hold the Imperial German government to a strict accountability for such acts of their naval authorities. ** [[William Jennings Bryan]], to the German government, when US Secretary of State. ''European War Series of Department of State'', no. 1, p. 54 * In war, [[science]] has proven itself an evil genius; it has made war more terrible than it ever was before. Man used to be content to slaughter his fellowmen on a single plane — the earth's surface. Science has taught him to go down into the water and shoot up from below and to go up into the clouds and shoot down from above, thus making the battlefield three times a bloody as it was before; but science does not teach brotherly love. Science has made war so hellish that civilization was about to commit suicide; and now we are told that newly discovered instruments of destruction will make the cruelties of the late war seem trivial in comparison with the cruelties of wars that may come in the future. ** [[William Jennings Bryan]], [[w:Scopes trial|Scopes "Monkey" trial]] summation (July 21, 1925) * Lay down the axe; fling by the spade;<br> Leave in its track the toiling plough;<br>The rifle and the bayonet-blade<br> For arms like yours were fitter now;<br>And let the hands that ply the pen<br> Quit the light task, and learn to wield<br>The horseman's crooked brand, and rein<br> The charger on the battle-field. ** [[William Cullen Bryant]], "Our Country's Call". Reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's]]'' (1922), p. 843 * None of our soldiers would understand not being asked to do whatever is necessary to reestablish a situation which is humiliating to us and unacceptable to our country's honor.—We are going to counter-attack. ** Credited to Major-Gen. {{w|Robert Lee Bullard}}, also to Major-Gen. {{w|Omar Bundy}}, in reply to the French command to retire in the second battle of the Marne, 1918. * The [[Flag of the United States|American flag]] has been forced to retire. This is intolerable. ** Major-Gen. [[R. L. Bullard]], on leaving the Conference of French Generals, July 15, 1918. Expressing regret that he could not obey orders. He is called "The General of No Retreat." See N. Y. Herald, Nov. 3, 1919. (Editorial). * You are there, stay there. ** Major-Gen. [[R. L. Bullard]]. Citation to American unit which captured Fay's Wood. See N. Y. Herald, Nov. 3, 1919. (Editorial). * I venture to say no war can be long carried on against the will of the people. ** [[Edmund Burke]], "Letters on a Regicide Peace", letter 1, 1796–1797, ''The Works of the Right Honorable Edmund Burke'', vol. 5 (1899), p. 283. * This is a war universe. War all the time. That is its nature. There may be other universes based on all sorts of other principles, but ours seems to be based on war and games. All games are basically hostile. Winners and losers. We see them all around us: the winners and the losers. The losers can oftentimes become winners, and the winners can very easily become losers. ** [[William S. Burroughs]], "The War Universe", taped conversation, first published in [http://openlibrary.org/b/OL7452886M/Grand_Street_37_(Grand_Street) ''Grand Street'', No. 37 (1991)]. * Scots, wha hae wi' Wallace bled;<br>Scots, wham Bruce has aften led,<br>Welcome to your gory bed,<br> Or to victory! ** [[Robert Burns]], ''Bruce to his Men at Bannockburn''. * But they will have it thus nevertheless, and so they put note of "divinity upon the most cruel and pernicious plague of human kind," adore such men with grand titles, degrees, statues, images, honour, applaud, and highly reward them for their good service, no greater glory than to die in the field. So Africanus is extolled by Ennius: Mars, and Hercules, and I know not how many besides of old, were deified; went this way to heaven, that were indeed bloody butchers, wicked destroyers, and troublers of the world, prodigious monsters, hell-hounds, feral plagues, devourers, common executioners of human kind, as Lactanius truly proves, and Cyprian to Donat, such as were desperate in wars, and precipitately made away themselves, (like those Celtes in Damascen, with ridiculous valour, ''ut dedecorosum putarent muro ruenti se subducere'', a disgrace to run away for a rotten wall, now ready to fall on their heads), such as will not rush on a sword's point, or seek to shun a cannon's shot, are base cowards, and no valiant men. By which means, ''Madet orbis mutuo sanguine'', the earth wallows in her own blood, ''Sævit amor ferri et scelerati insania belli''; and for that, which if it be done in private, a man shall be rigorously executed, "and which is no less than murder itself; if the same fact be done in public in wars, it is called manhood, and the party is honored for it." ** [[Robert Burton]], [[w:The Anatomy of Melancholy|The Anatomy of Melancholy]] [https://archive.org/stream/anatomyofmelanch00burt#page/40/mode/2up] (1621). * ''Dieu est d'ordinaire pour les gros escadrons contre les petits.'' ** God is generally for the big squadrons against the little ones. *** {{w|Roger de Rabutin, Comte de Bussy}}, letter (October 18, 1677). Anticipated by Tacitus. ''Deus fortioribus adesse''. * Although it is commonly supposed that war making is the specific activity of [[nations]], the blind rage that motivates war destroys the very social bonds that make nations possible. Of course, it can fortify the [[nationalism]] of a nation, producing a provisional coherence bolstered by war and enmity, but it also erodes the social relations that make politics possible. The power of destruction unleashed by war breaks social ties and produces anger, revenge, and distrust (“embitterment”) such that it becomes unclear whether reparation is possible, undermining not only those relations that may have been built in the past, but also the future possibility of peaceful coexistence. ** [[Judith Butler]], {{cite book |title=The Force of Nonviolence: An Ethico-Political Bind |date=4 February 2020 |publisher=Verso Books |isbn=978-1-78873-276-5 |page=154}} * Whatever the explicit strategic or political aims of a war may be, they prove to be weak in comparison with its aims of destruction; what war destroys first are the very restrictions imposed on destructive license. If we can rightly speak about the unstated “aim” of war, it is neither primarily to alter the political landscape nor to establish a new political order, but rather to destroy the social basis of politics itself. ** [[Judith Butler]], {{cite book |title=The Force of Nonviolence: An Ethico-Political Bind |date=4 February 2020 |publisher=Verso Books |isbn=978-1-78873-276-5 |page=154}} * In all the trade of war, no feat<br>Is nobler than a brave retreat. ** [[Samuel Butler (poet)|Samuel Butler]], ''Hudibras'', Part I (1663-64), Canto III, line 607. * For those that run away, and fly,<br>Take place at least o' th' enemy. ** [[Samuel Butler (poet)|Samuel Butler]], ''Hudibras'', Part I (1663-64), Canto III, line 609. * Bloody wars at first began,<br>The artificial plague of man,<br>That from his own invention rise,<br>To scourge his own iniquities. ** [[Samuel Butler (poet)|Samuel Butler]], Satire. Upon the Weakness and Misery of Man, line 105. * War is a racket. It always has been. It is possibly the oldest, easily the most profitable, surely the most vicious. It is the only one international in scope. It is the only one in which the profits are reckoned in dollars and the losses in lives. * A racket is best described, I believe, as something that is not what it seems to the majority of the people. Only a small "inside" group knows what it is about. It is conducted for the benefit of the very few, at the expense of the very many. Out of war a few people make huge fortunes. ** [[Smedley Butler]], [https://archive.org/details/warisaracketelectronicresourcetheantiwarclassicbyam/page/n23/mode/2up ''War is a racket''] (1935), Chapter one, p. 23. * A few profit – and the many pay. But there is a way to stop it. You can't end it by disarmament conferences. You can't eliminate it by peace parleys at Geneva. Well-meaning but impractical groups can't wipe it out by resolutions. It can be smashed effectively only by taking the profit out of war. * Let the officers and the directors and the high-powered executives of our armament factories and our steel companies and our munitions makers and our [[shipbuilders]] and our airplane builders and the manufacturers of all the other things that provide profit in war time as well as the bankers and the speculators, be conscripted—to get $30 a month, the same wage as the lads in the trenches get. … Give capital and industry and labor thirty days to think it over and you will find, by that time, there will be no war. That will smash the war racket—that and nothing else. ** [[Smedley Butler]], [https://archive.org/details/warisaracketelectronicresourcetheantiwarclassicbyam/page/n39/mode/2up ''War is a racket''] (1935), Chapter four, p. 39-40. * O proud was our army that morning<br> That stood where the pine darkly towers,<br>When Sherman said—"Boys, you are weary,<br> This day fair Savannah is ours."<br>Then sang we a song for our chieftain<br> That echoed o'er river and lea,<br>And the stars on our banner shone brighter<br> When Sherman marched down to the sea. ** Samuel Hawkins Marshall Byers, ''Sherman's March to the Sea. Last stanza''. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * Hand to hand, and foot to foot:<br>Nothing there, save death, was mute;<br>Stroke, and thrust, and flash, and cry<br>For quarter or for victory,<br>Mingle there with the volleying thunder. ** [[Lord Byron]], ''Siege of Corinth'', Stanza 24. * War, war is still the cry, "War even to the knife!" ** [[Lord Byron]], ''[[Childe Harold's Pilgrimage]]'', Canto I (1812), Stanza 86. * And there was mounting in hot haste: the steed,<br> The mustering squadron, and the clattering car,<br>Went pouring forward with impetuous speed,<br> And swiftly forming in the ranks of war;<br> And the deep thunder peal on peal, afar<br>And near; the beat of the alarming drum<br> Roused up the soldier ere the morning star;<br>While throng'd the citizens with terror dumb,<br>Or whispering with white lips—"The foe! they come! they come!" ** [[Lord Byron]], ''[[Childe Harold's Pilgrimage]]'', Canto III (1816), Stanza 25. * Battle's magnificently stern array! ** [[Lord Byron]], ''[[Childe Harold's Pilgrimage]]'', Canto III (1816), Stanza 28. * The Assyrian came down like the wolf on the fold,<br>And his cohorts were gleaming in purple and gold. ** [[Lord Byron]], ''Destruction of Sennacherib'', in ''Hebrew Melodies'' (1815). * Like the leaves of the forest when summer is green,<br>That host with their banners at sunset were seen;<br>Like the leaves of the forest when autumn hath blown,<br>That host on the morrow lay wither'd and strown! ** [[Lord Byron]], ''Destruction of Sennacherib'', in ''Hebrew Melodies'' (1815). == C == [[File:Caesar, Summer garden.jpg|thumb|I came, I saw. I conquered.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Julius Caesar]]}}]] [[File:Speculum Romanae Magnificentiae- Julius Caesar, from The Twelve Caesars MET DP870057.jpg|thumb|right|In war events of importance are the result of trivial causes. ~ [[Julius Caesar]] ]] [[File:M-T-Cicero.jpg|thumb|I cease not to advocate peace. It may be on unjust terms, but even so it is more expedient than the justest of civil wars.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Cicero]]}}]] [[File:Bundesarchiv Bild 146-1981-055-34, Opfer des Bombenkrieges.jpg|thumb|He said, “You’ve killed my granddaughter.” He said, “I hate you for this, and I’ll kill you.” And I got this in the middle of the war. And it made me very, very sad. We certainly never wanted to do anything like that. But in war, accidents happen. And that’s why you shouldn’t undertake military operations unless every other alternative has been exhausted, because innocent people do die. ~ [[Wesley Clark]] ]] [[File:American bases worldwide.svg|thumb|War in fact is becoming contemptible, and ought to be put down by the great nations of Europe, just as we put down a vulgar mob. ~ [[Mortimer Collins]]]] [[File:Seal of the International Court of Justice.png|thumb|It has often been remarked but seldom remembered that war itself is a crime. Yet a [[War crimes|war crime]] is more and other than war. It is an atrocity beyond the usual [[Barbarian|barbaric]] bounds of war. It is legal definition growing out of custom and tradition supported by every civilized nation in the world including our own. It is an act beyond the pale of acceptable actions even in war. ~[http://www2.iath.virginia.edu/sixties/HTML_docs/Resources/Primary/Winter_Soldier/WS_02_opening.html William Crandell in ''Winter Soldier Investigation Testimony''] ]] * ''Veni, vidi, vici.'' ** I came, I saw, I conquered. ** Attributed to Julius Cæsar. Plutarch—Life of Cæsar, states it was spoken after the defeat of Pharnaces, at Zela in Pontus, B.C. 47, not the Expedition to Britain, B.C. 55. According to Suetonius—Julius Cæsar. 37, the words were not Cæsar's but were displayed before Cæsar's title, "non acta belli significantem, sicut ceteri, sed celeriter confecti notam." Not as being a record of the events of the war, as in other cases, but as an indication of the rapidity with which it was concluded. Ne insolens barbarus dicat, "Ueni, uidi, uici." Never shall insolent barbarian say "I came, I saw, I conquered." Seneca the Elder—Suæsoria, II. 22. Buechmann, quoting the above, suggests that Cæsar's words may be an adaptation of a proverb by Apostolius, XII. 58. (Or XIV, in Elzivir Ed. Leyden, 1653). * ''In bello parvis momentis magni casus intercedunt.'' ** In war events of importance are the result of trivial causes. ** [[Julius Caesar]], ''Bellum Gallicum'', I, 21. Reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's]]'' (1922), p. 844 * War is the answer if you're questioning the general. ** [[Lil Wayne|Dwayne Carter]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d6Yyehm24Mo "Army Gunz"] (2006), ''Like Father, Like Son'' (2006), Cash Money Records * I normalized diplomatic relations with [[China]] in 1979. Since 1979, do you know how many times China has been at war with anybody? None. And we have stayed at war. (The United States is) the most warlike nation in the history of the world... How many miles of [[High-speed rail|high-speed railroad]] do we have in this country?... We have wasted, I think, $3 trillion ([[Military-industrial complex|military spending]]) ... China has not wasted a single penny on war, and that's why they're ahead of us. In almost every way... And I think the difference is if you take $3 trillion and put it in American infrastructure, you'd probably have $2 trillion left over. We'd have high-speed railroad. We'd have bridges that aren't collapsing. We'd have roads that are maintained properly. Our [[education system]] would be as good as that of, say, [[South Korea]] or [[Hong Kong]]. ** [[Jimmy Carter]] quoted in [https://www.npr.org/2019/04/15/713495558/president-trump-called-former-president-jimmy-carter-to-talk-about-china President Trump Called Former President Jimmy Carter To Talk About China, Emma Hurt, ''NPR''] (April 15, 2019) * War. War never changes. The [[Roman Empire|Romans]] waged war to gather [[Slavery|slaves]] and [[wealth]]. [[Spain]] built an empire from its lust for gold and territory. Hitler shaped a battered Germany into an economic superpower. But war never changes. ** Scott Campbell, Brian Freyermuth and Mark O'Green, ''[[Fallout]]'', interpreted by {{w|Ron Perlman}} as the narrator. (1997) * The combat deepens. On, ye brave,<br>Who rush to glory, or the grave!<br>Wave, Munich! all thy banners wave,<br> And charge with all thy chivalry. ** [[Thomas Campbell]], ''Hohenlinden''. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * ''La Garde meurt, mais ne se rend pas.'' ** The guard dies but does not surrender. *** Attributed to Lieut. Gen. [[w:Pierre Cambronne|Pierre Jacques, Baron de Cambronne]], when called to surrender by Col. Hugh Halkett. Cambronne disavowed the saying at a banquet at Nantes, 1835. The London Times on the Centenary of the battle of Waterloo published a letter, written at 11 P.M. on the evening of the battle, by Capt. Digby Mackworth, of the 7th Fusiliers, A. D. C. to Gen. Hill. In it the phrase is quoted as already familiar. Fournier in ''L'Esprit dans l'histoire'', pp. 412–15, ascribes it to a correspondent of the ''Independant'', Rougemont. It appeared there the next day, and afterwards in the ''Journal General de France'', June 24. This seems also improbable in view of the above mentioned letter. Reported as a misattribution in Paul F. Boller, Jr., and John George, ''They Never Said It: A Book of Fake Quotes, Misquotes, & Misleading Attributions'' (1989), p. 11-12. See also [[Victor Hugo]], ''Les Miserables'', ''Waterloo''. * '''War is a quarrel between two thieves too cowardly to fight their own battle'''; therefore they take boys from one village and another village, stick them into uniforms, equip them with guns, and let them loose like wild beasts against each other. ** [[Thomas Carlyle]], as quoted by [[Emma Goldman]] in her essay, "Patriotism: A Menace to Liberty", chapter five of ''Anarchism and Other Essays'' (2nd revised edition, 1911). * There dwell and toil, in the British village of Dumdrudge, usually some five hundred souls. From these…there are successively selected, during the French War, say thirty able-bodied men: Dumdrudge, at her own expense, has suckled and nursed them; she has not without difficulty and sorrow, fed them up to manhood, and trained them to crafts, so that once can weave, another build, another hammer, and the weakest can stand under thirty stone avoirdupois. Nevertheless, amid much weeping and swearing, they are selected; all dressed in red; and shipped away, at the public charges, some two thousand miles, or say only to the south of Spain; and fed there till wanted. And now to that same spot in the south of Spain, are thirty similar French artisans, from a French Dumdrudge, in like manner wending: Till at length, after infinite effort, the two parties come into actual juxtaposition; and Thirty stands fronting Thirty, each with a gun in his hand. Straightway the word "Fire!" is given: and they blow the souls out of one another and in the place of sixty brisk useful craftsmen, the world has sixty dead carcasses, which it must bury, and anew shed tears for. Had these men any quarrel? Busy as the Devil is, not the smallest!... their Governors had fallen out; and, instead of shooting one another, had the cunning to make these poor blockheads shoot. Alas, so it is in Deutschland, and hitherto in all other lands... ** [[Thomas Carlyle]] in "Sartor Resartus", quoted in "In Flanders Fields: The 1917 Campaign" by Leon Wolff (1958). * O Chryste, it is a grief for me to telle,<br> How manie a noble erle and valrous knyghte<br>In fyghtynge for Kynge Harrold noblie fell,<br> Al sleyne on Hastyng's field in bloudie fyghte. ** [[Thomas Chatterton]], ''Battle of Hastings''. * Is this a call to war? Does anyone pretend that preparation for resistance to [[aggression]] is unleashing war? I declare it to be the sole guarantee of [[peace]]. We need the swift gathering of forces to confront not only military but moral aggression; the resolute and sober acceptance of their duty by the English-speaking peoples and by all the nations, great and small, who wish to walk with them. Their faithful and zealous comradeship would almost between night and morning clear the path of progress and banish from all our lives the fear which already darkens the sunlight to hundreds of millions of men. ** [[Winston Churchill]], [https://winstonchurchill.org/resources/speeches/1930-1938-the-wilderness/the-defence-of-freedom-and-peace-the-lights-are-going-out/ Broadcast to the United States and to London], 16 October 1938 * The eagle has ceased to scream, but the parrots will now begin to chatter. The war of the giants is over and the pigmies will now start to squabble. ** [[Winston Churchill]], comment on May 7, 1945, after General Ismay, his wartime chief of staff, announced the news of V-E Day. [[w:Kay Halle|Kay Halle]], ''Irrepressible Churchill'' (1966), p. 249. * To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war. ** [[Winston Churchill]], remarks at a White House luncheon (June 26, 1954). His exact words are not known, because the meetings and the luncheon that day were closed to reporters, but above is the commonly cited version. His words are quoted as "It is 'better to jaw-jaw than to war-war,'" in the sub-heading on p. 1 of ''The New York Times'' (June 27, 1954), and as "To jaw-jaw always is better than to war-war" on p. 3. ''The Washington Post'' in its June 27 issue, p. 1, has "better to talk jaw to jaw than have war", and ''The Star'', Washington, D.C., p. 1, a slight variation, "It is better to talk jaw to jaw than to have war". * Let us learn our lessons. … Never believe any war will be smooth and easy or that anyone who embarks on that strange voyage can measure the tides and hurricanes he will encounter. The statesman who yields to war fever must realize that once the signal is given, he is no longer the master of policy but the slave of unforeseeable and uncontrollable events… incompetent or arrogant commanders, untrustworthy allies, hostile neutrals, malignant fortune, ugly surprise, awful miscalculations. ** [[Winston Churchill]]; quoted in {{cite news | first = Leonard | last = Fein | url = http://www.forward.com/articles/this-time-it-s-our-war/ | title = This Time It's Our War | publisher = [[w:The Forward|The Forward]] | date = [[July 25]], [[2003]] | accessdate = 2007-01-13 }} * ''Equidem ad pacem hortari non desino; quae vel iniusta utilior est quam iustissimum bellum cum civibus.'' ** As for me, I cease not to advocate peace. It may be on unjust terms, but even so it is more expedient than the justest of civil wars. *** [[Cicero]], ''Epistulae ad Atticum'' (Letters to Atticus) Book VII, Letter 14, section 3; as translated by E.O. Winstedt in the [http://archive.org/stream/letterstoatticus02ciceuoft#page/68/mode/2up Loeb Classical Library] * ''Silent enim leges inter arma.'' ** [[Cicero]], Laws are silent in time of war. ** ''Pro Milone''. Often paraphrased as ''[[w:Inter arma enim silent leges|Inter arma enim silent leges]]''. ** Variant translations: *** In a time of war, the law falls silent. *** Law stands mute in the midst of arms. * Parvi enim sunt foris arma, nisi est consilium domi. ** An army abroad is of little use unless there are prudent counsels at home. ** [[Cicero]], ''De Officiis'' (44 B.C.), I, 22. * Silent leges inter arma. ** The law is silent during war. ** [[Cicero]], ''Oratio Pro Annio Milone'', IV. * Pro aris et focis. ** For your altars and your fires. ** [[Cicero]], ''Oration for Roscius'', Chapter V. Also used by Tiberius Gracchus before this. * Nervi belli pecunia infinita. ** Endless money forms the sinews of war. ** [[Cicero]], ''Philippics'', V. 2. 5. Libanius—Orations. XLVI. Photius—Lex. 8. 5. Rabelais—Gargantua, Book I, Chapter XXVI. ("Corn" for "money"). * There's nothing more pornographic than glorifying war. ** [[Tom Clancy]], [http://www.cnn.com/books/news/9905/12/clancy.horner/~hsindex.html Interview promoting ''Every Man a Tiger'' (1999)], co-written with General Charles Horner. (12 May 1999). * We had a malfunction with a cluster bomb unit, and a couple of grenades fell on a schoolyard, and some, I think three, school children were killed... And two weeks later, I got a letter from a Serb grandfather. He said, “You’ve killed my granddaughter.” He said, “I hate you for this, and I’ll kill you.” And I got this in the middle of the war. And it made me very, very sad. We certainly never wanted to do anything like that. But in war, accidents happen. And that’s why you shouldn’t undertake military operations unless every other alternative has been exhausted, because innocent people do die. ** [[Wesley Clark]], ''Democracy Now — Gen. Wesley Clark Weighs Presidential Bid: “I Think About It Every Day”'', (2 March 2007) * Well here's to the Maine, and I'm sorry for Spain,<br>Said Kelly and Burke and Shea. ** [[W:J. I. C. Clarke|J. I. C. Clarke]], ''The Fighting Race''. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * War is not merely a political act but a real political instrument, a continuation of political intercourse, a carrying out of the same by other means. ** [[Karl von Clausewitz]], ''On War'', trans. O. J. Matthijs Jolles (1943), book 1, chapter 1, section 24, p. 16. Originally published in 1833. * War is only caused through the political intercourse of governments and nations … war is nothing but a continuation of political intercourse with an admixture of other means. ** [[Karl von Clausewitz]], ''On War'', trans. O. J. Matthijs Jolles (1943), book 8, chapter 6, p. 596. Originally published in 1833. * War is regarded as ''nothing but the continuation of state policy with other means''. ** [[Karl von Clausewitz]], ''On War'', trans. O. J. Matthijs Jolles (1943), author's note, p. xxix. Originally published in 1833. * War is fought by human beings. ** [[Carl von Clausewitz]] in ''On War'', trans. O. J. Matthijs Jolles (1943). Originally published in 1833. * Of course [[wars]] are fought by [[teenagers]]. Do you realize that? They really should be fought by the [[politicians]] and old people who start these wars. ** [[James Clavell]] interview with [[w:Don Swaim|Don Swaim]] of CBS Radio (1986) [http://wiredforbooks.org/jamesclavell/ (RealAudio file)] * We made war to the end—to the very end of the end. ** [[Clemenceau]], ''Message to American People'' (September, 1918). * ''War is not the answer <br> For only love can conquer hate <br> You know we've got to find a way <br> To bring some lovin' here today'' ** {{w|Al Cleveland}}, {{w|Renaldo Benson}} and [[Marvin Gaye]], ''[[w:What's Going On (song)|What's Going On]], [[w:What's Going On (Marvin Gaye album)|What's Going On]]'' (1971) * I make my war upon privilege and authority, whereby the [[Right to property|right of property]], the true right in that which is proper to the individual, is annihilated. ** [[Voltairine de Cleyre]], in [http://dwardmac.pitzer.edu/Anarchist_Archives/bright/cleyre/indefenseofeg.html "In Defense of Emma Goldmann and the Right of Expropriation"], an address in Philadelphia (16 December 1893); [[Emma Goldman]]'s name is misspelled Goldmann throughout the 1910 version. Some of this text is quoted as presented in ''Selected Works of Voltairine de Cleyre'' (1914) edited by [[Alexander Berkman]] * What voice did on my spirit fall,<br> Peschiera, when thy bridge I crossed?<br> "'Tis better to have fought and lost,<br>Than never to have fought at all." ** [[Arthur Hugh Clough]], "Peschiera". Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * [T]he honours, the fame, the emoluments of war, belong not to [the middle and industrial classes]; the battle-plain is the harvest field of the [[aristocracy]], watered with the blood of the people...Whilst our trade rested upon our foreign dependencies, as was the case in the middle of the last century...force and violence, were necessary to command our customers for our manufacturers...But war, although the greatest of consumers, not only produces nothing in return, but, by abstracting labour from productive employment and interrupting the course of trade, it impedes, in a variety of indirect ways, the creation of wealth; and, should hostilities be continued for a series of years, each successive war-loan will be felt in our commercial and manufacturing districts with an augmented pressure. ** [[Richard Cobden]] in Edward P. Stringham, "Commerce, Markets, and Peace: Richard Cobden's Enduring Lessons", Independent Review 9, no. 1 (2004): 105, 110, 115. * War in fact is becoming contemptible, and ought to be put down by the great nations of Europe, just as we put down a vulgar mob. ** [[Mortimer Collins]], ''Thoughts in my Garden'', II. 243. * [[w:Peninsular War|The war]] had been going on long enough that soldiers digging graves for comrades would unearth bones of men killed in previous battles. And because they were starving just about anything went into the stewpot. Frogs. Mice. Bugs. Dogs. Snails. Worms. They slaughtered the horses and oxen that were pulling carts heaped with treasure; jeweled [[w:Reliquary|reliquaries]], silver candlestick holders, and gold crucifixes were abandoned in scorched fields or left in carts too heavy for starving men to pull. They drank from stagnant puddles and filthy streams... a well or cistern... never mind the body floating on the surface. ...[[w:Julia Blackburn|Blackburn]] [in ''Old Man Goya''] reports that a soldier who approached a convent being used as a hospital saw amputated limbs along the wall, "while more arms and legs kept flying out the windows..." At [[w:Battle of Corunna|La Coruña]], two thousand horses were shot to prevent enemy soldiers from riding them. ...One Spaniard kept a bag of French ears and fingers. ...[A] pack of English hounds accompanied [the [[Arthur Wellesley, 1st Duke of Wellington|Iron Duke]]]. Between military engagements he would go fox hunting.<br />At [[w:Battle of Talavera|Talavera]]... a fire sprang up in dry grass where... soldiers lay dead or dying, "and men were ashamed because their pangs of hunger increased with the smell of roasting meat." ** Evan S. Connell, ''Francisco Goya'' (2005) p. 174. * The flames of [[Moscow]] were the aurora of the liberty of the world. ** [[Benjamin Constant]], ''Esprit de Conquête''. Preface. (1813). * But war's a game, which, were their subjects wise,<br>Kings would not play at. ** [[William Cowper]], ''The Task'' (1785), Book V, line 187. * Hence jarring sectaries may learn<br>Their real interest to discern;<br>That brother should not war with brother,<br>And worry and devour each other. ** [[William Cowper]], ''The Nightingale and Glow-Worm''. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. [[File:US Navy 050730-N-0335C-002 U.S. Navy Cmdr. Thomas C. Graves and Executive Officer Lt. Brad Coletti look on during USS Constitution change of command ceremony.jpg|thumb|We give up the fort when there's not a man left to defend it. ~ [[W:George Croghan|George Croghan]] ]] * [[Zachary Taylor|General Taylor]] never surrenders. ** {{w|Thomas Leonidas Crittenden}}, Reply to Gen. {{w|Antonio López de Santa Anna}}, {{w|Battle of Buena Vista}}, Feb. 22, 1847. * We give up the fort when there's not a man left to defend it. ** General Croghan. At Fort Stevenson. (1812). * There was a war, just one in a long line of wars, fought for beliefs and principles as all wars have ever been fought and will ever be in days to come. Little was achieved, nothing was gained. Lives were taken and pain was inflicted. The real reasons are lost in the mists. ** [[w:Peter Crowther|Peter Crowther]] and [[w:James Lovegrove|James Lovegrove]], ''The Trembler on the Axis'' (1994), in Edward E. Kramer and Richard Gilliam (eds.) ''[[w:Elric of Melniboné|Tales of the White Wolf]],'' (ISBN 1-56504-175-5). * War has revealed an overpowering national instinct. The conflicting theories of the exact nature and limitations of our government had blinded the shrewdest minds to the fact that we were a nation, with all the feelings and instincts of a nation, and that our quarrels must be settled inside and not outside. ** [[George William Curtis]], as quoted in [https://archive.org/details/orationsandaddr03curtgoog "The Good Fight"] (1865). == D == [[File:BDUs-forest.jpg|thumb|By war's great sacrifice... The world redeems itself.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;J. Davidson}}]] [[File:USS New Orleans (LPD-18) launches RIM-116 missile 2013.jpg|thumb|War is the ultimate realization of modern technology.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Don DeLillo]]}}]] [[File:Statue of Union Soldier Atop Memorial to Civil War Dead, Highland Cemetery, Ypsilanti, Michigan.JPG|thumb|We are not here to applaud manly courage, save as it has been displayed in a noble cause. We must never forget that victory to the rebellion meant death to the republic. We must never forget that the loyal soldiers who rest beneath this sod flung themselves between the nation and [[w:Confederate States of America|the nation destroyers]]. If today we have a country not boiling in an agony of blood... If now we have a united country, no longer cursed by [[Slavery|the hell-black system of human bondage]], if the American name is no longer a by-word and a hissing to a mocking earth, if the star-spangled banner floats only over free American citizens in every quarter of the land, and our country has before it a long and glorious career of justice, liberty, and civilization, we are indebted to the unselfish devotion of the noble army who rest in these honored graves all around us.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Frederick Douglass]]}}]] * &lsquo;But human beans [...] is shootling guns and going up in aerioplanes to drop their bombs on each other's heads every week. Human beans is always killing other human beans.&rsquo; ** [[Roald Dahl]], ''[[wikipedia:The BFG|The BFG]]'' * Men will seem to see new [[Destruction|destructions]] in the [[sky]]. The flames that fall from it will seem to rise in it and to fly from it with terror. They will hear every kind of [[animals]] speak in human language. They will instantaneously run in person in various parts of the world, without motion. They will see the greatest splendour in the midst of darkness. O! marvel of the human race! What madness has led you thus! '''You will speak with animals of every species and they with you in human speech. You will see yourself fall from great heights without any harm and torrents will accompany you, and will mingle with their rapid course.''' ** [[Leonardo da Vinci]], ''The Notebooks of Leonardo Da Vinci'' (1938), ''XX Humorous Writings'', as translated by Edward MacCurdy. * From fear in every guise,<br> From sloth, from love of pelf,<br>By war's great sacrifice<br> The world redeems itself. ** [[John Davidson (poet)|John Davidson]] , ''War Song''. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * Wars throughout [[history]] have been waged for conquest and plunder. In the [[Middle Ages]] when the feudal [[Lord|lords]] who inhabited the [[Castle|castles]] whose towers may still be seen along the [[Rhine]] concluded to enlarge their domains, to increase their power, their prestige and their wealth they declared war upon one another. But they themselves did not go to war any more than the modern feudal lords, the barons of [[Wall Street]] go to war. The feudal barons of the Middle Ages, the economic predecessors of the [[Capitalism|capitalists]] of our day, declared all wars. And their miserable [[Serf|serfs]] fought all the battles. The poor, ignorant serfs had been taught to revere their masters; to believe that when their masters declared war upon one another, it was their patriotic duty to fall upon one another and to cut one another's throats for the profit and glory of the lords and barons who held them in contempt. And that is war in a nutshell. The master class has always declared the wars; the subject class has always fought the battles. The master class has had all to gain and nothing to lose, while the subject class has had nothing to gain and all to lose — especially their lives. <br> They have always taught and trained you to believe it to be your patriotic duty to go to war and to have yourselves slaughtered at their command. But in all the history of the world you, the people, have never had a voice in declaring war, and strange as it certainly appears, no war by any nation in any age has ever been declared by the people. <br> And here let me emphasize the fact — and it cannot be repeated too often — that the working class who fight all the battles, the working class who make the supreme sacrifices, the working class who freely shed their blood and furnish the corpses, have never yet had a voice in either declaring war or making peace. It is the ruling class that invariably does both. They alone declare war and they alone make peace. <br> Yours not to reason why;<br>Yours but to do and die. <br> That is their motto and we object on the part of the awakening workers of this nation. <br> If war is right let it be declared by the people. You who have your lives to lose, you certainly above all others have the right to decide the momentous issue of war or peace. ** [[Eugene V. Debs]], "[http://www.marxists.org/archive/debs/works/1918/canton.htm The Canton, Ohio Speech, Anti-War Speech]" in ''The Call'' (16 June 1918) * '''War is the ultimate realization of modern technology'''. ** [[Don DeLillo]], ''End Zone'' ch.16, (1972). * The [[Presidency of Donald Trump|Trump administration]] has barred [[International Criminal Court]] investigators from entering the United States. Secretary of State [[Mike Pompeo]] announced Friday that the U.S. will start denying visas to members of the ICC who may be investigating alleged [[war crimes]] by the [[U.S. military]] in [[War in Afghanistan (2001–2021)|Afghanistan]]. In September, [[national security]] adviser [[John R. Bolton|John Bolton]] threatened U.S. sanctions against ICC judges if they continued to investigate alleged war crimes committed by U.S. troops in Afghanistan. ** [[W:Democracy Now|Democracy Now,]] [https://www.democracynow.org/2019/3/19/aclu_the_us_is_acting_like ''ACLU: The U.S. Is Acting Like an Authoritarian Regime by Barring ICC Officials Probing War Crimes''] (19 March 2019) * ''Di qui non si passa.'' ** By here they shall not pass. *** [[w:Armando Diaz|Armando Diaz]]. Words inscribed on the Altar of Liberty temporarily erected at Madison Square, N. Y., on the authority of Il Progresso Italiano. * ''Non si passa, passeremo noi.'' ** The words ascribed to General Diaz by the Italians at the battle of the Piave and Monta Grappa, June, 1918. These words are inscribed on the medals struck off for the heroes of this battle. * What argufies pride and ambition?<br> Soon or late death will take us in tow:<br>Each bullet has got its commission,<br> And when our time's come we must go. ** [[Charles Dibdin]], ''The Benevolent Tar''. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * I'm [[iron]]. I lasted through ten years of war, and now I can last through this. It's true, it's not good for the nerves. ** [[Sepp Dietrich]], To Leon Goldensohn, February 28, 1946, from "The Nuremberg Interviews" - by Leon Goldensohn, Robert Gellately - History - 2004 - Page 280. * A feat of chivalry, fiery with consummate courage, and bright with flashing vigor. ** [[Benjamin Disraeli]], of the Charge of the Light Brigade, in the House of Commons (Dec. 15, 1855). * Carry his body hence,—<br>Kings must have slaves;<br>Kings climb to eminence<br>Over men's graves:<br>So this man's eye is dim;—<br>Throw the earth over him. ** [[Henry Austin Dobson]], "Before Sedan", line 7, in ''Vignettes in Rhyme and Vers de Societé'' (London: Henry S. King & Co., 1873), p. 56. * In war men pass like shadows that stain the grass,<br>Leaving their lives upon the green:<br>While Earth bewails the crimson sheen,<br>Men’s dreams and stars and whispers all helpless pass. ** [[Stephen R. Donaldson]], ''[[w:Lord Foul’s Bane|Lord Foul’s Bane]]'' (1977), Chapter 3 * War puts burdens on people without caring whether they are ready for them or not. ** [[Stephen R. Donaldson]], ''[[w:The Illearth War|The Illearth War]]'' (1977), Chapter 11 * We are not here to applaud manly courage, save as it has been displayed in a noble cause. We must never forget that victory to the rebellion meant death to the republic. We must never forget that the loyal soldiers who rest beneath this sod flung themselves between the nation and [[Confederate States of America|the nation destroyers]]. If today we have a country not boiling in an agony of blood, like [[France]], if now we have a united country, no longer cursed by [[Slavery in the United States|the hell-black system of human bondage]], '''if the American name is no longer a by-word and a hissing to a mocking earth, if the star-spangled banner floats only over free [[w:United States citizenship|American citizens]] in every quarter of the land, and our country has before it a long and glorious career of [[justice]], [[liberty]], and [[civilization]], we are indebted to the unselfish devotion of the noble army who rest in these honored graves all around us'''. ** [[Frederick Douglass]], [http://deadconfederates.com/2015/05/25/frederick-douglass-on-decoration-day-1871-5/ "The Unknown Loyal Dead"] (30 May 1871), Arlington National Cemetery, Arlington County, Virginia. * All delays are dangerous in war. ** [[John Dryden]], ''Tyrannic Love'', Act I, scene 1. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * War, he sung, is toil and trouble;<br>Honour but an empty bubble. ** [[John Dryden]], ''Alexander's Feast'' (1697), line 99. *At the border posts, shed blood becomes a sea,<br />The martial emperor's dream of expansion has no end. **[[Du Fu]], Tang poet * When 'tis an aven thing in th' prayin', may th' best man win … an' th' best man will win. ** [[Finley Peter Dunne]], ''Mr. Dooley in Peace and War'', ''On Prayers for Victory''. * 'Tis startin' a polis foorce to prevint war…. How'll they be ar-rmed? What a foolish question. They'll be ar-rmed with love, if coorse. Who'll pay thim? That's a financyal detail that can be arranged later on. What'll happen if wan iv th' rough-necks reaches f'r a gun? Don't bother me with thrifles. ** [[Finley Peter Dunne]], ''On Making a Will''. Mr. Dooley's version of W. J. Bryan's Speech (1920). * Come you masters of war,/You that build all the guns,/You that build the death planes,/You that build the big bombs,/You that hide behind walls,/You that hide behind desks,/I just want you to know,/I can see through your masks./ ** [[Bob Dylan]], Masters of War 1963 * If God’s on our side/They’ll stop the next war ** [[Bob Dylan]], With God on Our Side 1964 == E == [[File:MX MIRV reentry vehicles.jpg|thumb|right|I do not know how the Third World War will be fought, but I can tell you what they will use in the Fourth — rocks!<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Albert Einstein]]}}]] [[File:Castle Bravo Blast.jpg|thumb|right|War is mankind's most tragic and stupid folly; to seek or advise its deliberate provocation is a black crime against all men.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Dwight D. Eisenhower]]}}]] [[File:Peacekeeper-missile-testing.jpg|thumb|right|Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired, signifies, in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. The world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Dwight D. Eisenhower]]}}]] [[File:StrawberryFieldsJuly2007.JPG|thumb|right|Imagine what would happen if the nations of the world spent as much on development as on building the machines of war. Imagine a world where every human being would live in freedom and dignity.[...] Imagine that such a world is within our grasp.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Mohamed ElBaradei]]}}]] [[File:The Soviet Union 1988 CPA 5913 stamp (30th anniversary of Agreement Between the USA and the USSR on Exchanges in the Cultural, Technical and Educational Fields).jpg|thumb|As long as there are sovereign nations possessing great power, war is inevitable.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Albert Einstein]]}}]] [[File:Erasmus at EUR.JPG|thumb|The most disadvantageous [[peace]] is better than the most just war.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Desiderius Erasmus|Erasmus of Rotterdam]]}}]] * There is so much that must be done in a civilized barbarism like war. ** [[Amelia Earhart]], [https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Page:20_Hrs_40_Min_(Earhart).pdf/36 ''20 Hrs., 40 Min.'' (1928), p. 34] * There is no discharge in that war. ** [[Ecclesiastes]], VIII. 8. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * '''All religions, arts and sciences are branches of the same tree.''' All these aspirations are '''directed toward ennobling man's life''', lifting it from the sphere of mere physical existence '''and leading the individual towards freedom'''. It is no mere chance that our older universities developed from clerical schools. Both churches and universities — insofar as they live up to their true function — serve the ennoblement of the individual. They seek to fulfill this great task '''by spreading moral and cultural understanding, renouncing the use of brute force.''' ** [[Albert Einstein]], "Moral Decay" (1937); later published in Out of My Later Years (1950) * I say when you get into a war, you should win as quick as you can, because your losses become a function of the duration of the war. I believe when you get in a war, get everything you need and win it. ** [[Dwight D. Eisenhower]], news conference, Indio, California (March 15, 1968), as reported in ''The New York Times'' (March 16, 1968), p. 15. * Now he conducted her through his armouries where he kept his weapons and weapons for his fighting men and all panoply of war. There he showed her swords and spears, maces and axes and daggers, orfreyed and damascened and inlaid with jewels; byrnies and baldricks and shields; blades so keen, a hair blown against them in a wind should be parted in twain; charmed helms on which no ordinary sword would bite. And Juss said unto the Queen, "Madam, what thinkest thou of these swords and spears? For know well that these be the ladder's rungs that we of Demonland climbed up by to that signiory and principality which now we hold over the four corners of the world." She answered, "O my lord, I think nobly of them. For an ill part it were while we joy in the harvest, to contemn the tools that prepared the land for it and reaped it." ** [[Eric Rücker Eddison]], ''The Worm Ouroboros'', [http://www.sacred-texts.com/ring/two/two39.htm page 499]. * As long as there are sovereign nations possessing great power, war is inevitable. ** [[Albert Einstein]], as quoted in "Einstein on the Atomic Bomb," part 1, an interview by Raymond Swing in ''Atlantic Monthly'' ([http://books.google.com/books?id=iaQGAQAAIAAJ&q=%22As+long+as+there+are+sovereign+nations+possessing+great+power+war+is+inevitable%22&pg=PA43#v=onepage November 1945]) * '''I do not know how the [[World War III|Third World War]] will be fought, but I can tell you what they will use in the Fourth — rocks!''' ** [[Albert Einstein]], as quoted in an interview with Alfred Werner, published in ''Liberal Judaism'' 16 (April-May 1949), 12. Einstein Archive 30-1104, as sourced in ''The New Quotable Einstein'' by Alice Calaprice (2005), p. 173. * '''This topic brings me to that worst outcrop of the herd nature, the military system, which I abhor. That a man can take pleasure in marching in formation to the strains of a band is enough to make me despise him.''' He has only been given his big brain by mistake; a backbone was all he needed. This plague-spot of civilization ought to be abolished with all possible speed. '''Heroism by order, senseless violence, and all the pestilent nonsense that goes by the name of patriotism — how I hate them! War seems to me a mean, contemptible thing: I would rather be hacked in pieces than take part in such an abominable business.''' ** [[Albert Einstein]], Mein Weltbild (My World-view) (1931). ** Variant translation: He who joyfully marches to music in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would fully suffice. This disgrace to civilisation should be done away with at once. '''Heroism at command, senseless brutality, deplorable love-of-country stance, how violently I hate all this, how despicable and ignoble war is; I would rather be torn to shreds than be part of so base an action! It is my conviction that killing under the cloak of war is nothing but an act of murder.''' * '''I hate war as only a soldier who has lived it can, only as one who has seen its brutality, its stupidity.''' ** [[Dwight D. Eisenhower]], Speech in [[w:Ottawa|Ottawa]] (10 January 1946), published in ''Eisenhower Speaks : Dwight D. Eisenhower in His Messages and Speeches'' (1948) edited by Rudolph L. Treuenfels. * '''Every [[Firearm|gun]] that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired, signifies, in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. The world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children.''' ** [[Dwight D. Eisenhower]], 16 April 1953, [[Dwight D. Eisenhower#The_Chance_for_Peace_.281953.29|Speech to the American Society of Newspaper Editors]] * All free men remember that in the final choice a soldier's pack is not so heavy a burden as a prisoner's chains. ** [[Dwight D. Eisenhower]], Inaugural Address. * '''Whether one believes in [[evolution]], [[intelligent design]], or [[w:Divine Creation|Divine Creation]], one thing is certain. Since the beginning of history, human beings have been at war with each other, under the pretext of [[religion]], [[ideology]], [[ethnicity]] and other reasons. And no civilization has ever willingly given up its most powerful weapons. We seem to agree today that we can share modern technology, but we still refuse to acknowledge that our values — at their very core — are shared values.''' ** [[Mohamed ElBaradei]], [http://nobelprize.org/peace/laureates/2005/elbaradei-lecture-en.html Nobel lecture Address in Oslo, Norway (10 December 2005)] * I knew years before the [[w:Pentagon Papers|Pentagon Papers]] came out that the Americans were being lied in to an essentially hopeless war. I’m not proud of the fact that it didn’t occur to me that my [[Oaths|oath of office]], which was to support the [[United States Constitution|Constitution]], called on me to put that information out and say, ‘64, when the war might have been avoided. But I certainly am glad that I finally came aware of what my real responsibilities were there. And I did put it out years later. At times, at that time, which published it, the “[[The New York Times|Times]],” and the 18 other newspapers, which defied [[Richard Nixon|President Nixon]]’s injunctions and did put it out, were in the position of Julian Assange is in now. ** {{cite news|last=Ellsberg|first=Daniel|authorlink=Daniel Ellsberg|url= |title= [[w:The Dylan Ratigan Show|The Dylan Ratigan Show]]|work=[[w:MSNBC|MSNBC]] |publisher=[[w:NBC Universal|NBC Universal]] |pages= |page= |date= June 11, 2010|accessdate=}} * By the rude bridge that arched the flood,<br> Their flag to April's breeze unfurl'd;<br>Here once the embattl'd farmers stood,<br> And fired the shot heard round the world. ** [[Ralph Waldo Emerson]], hymn sung at the completion of the Concord Monument. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * '''The most disadvantageous [[peace]] is better than the most just war.''' ** [[Desiderius Erasmus|Erasmus of Rotterdam]], ''Adagia'' (1508) * Ares (the God of War) hates those who hesitate. ** [[Euripides]], ''Heraclidæ'', 722. * '''The fundamental principle underlying all justifications of war, from the point of view of human personality, is '[[hero]]ism'. War, it is said, offers man the opportunity to awaken the hero who sleeps within him. War breaks the routine of comfortable life; by means of its severe ordeals, it offers a transfiguring knowledge of life, life according to [[death]]. The moment the individual succeeds in living as a hero, even if it is the final moment of his earthly life, weighs infinitely more on the scale of values than a protracted existence spent consuming monotonously among the trivialities of cities. From a spiritual point of view, these possibilities make up for the negative and destructive tendencies of war, which are one-sidedly and tendentiously highlighted by pacifist materialism. War makes one realise the relativity of human life and therefore also the law of a 'more-than-life', and thus war has always an anti-materialist value, a spiritual value.''' ** [[Julius Evola]], ''Metaphysics of War'' [2007], p. 21 == F == [[File:Fort Pillow Massacre, Kurz and Allison, Chicago, 1885.png|thumb|War means fighting, and fighting means killing.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Nathan Bedford Forrest]]}}]] [[File:Battle of Fort Pillow.png|thumb|Expect no quarter.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Nathan Bedford Forrest]]}}]] * [[w:Philo Farnsworth|Phil]] saw [[television]] as a marvelous teaching tool. There would be no excuse of illiteracy. [[Parenting|Parents]] could learn along with their [[children]]. News and sporting events could be seen as they were happening. Symphonies would mean more when one could see the [[Music|musicians]] as they played, and [[Film|movies]] would be seen in our own living rooms. He said there would be a time when we would be able to see and learn about people in other lands. '''If we understood them better, differences could be settled around conference tables, without going to war.''' ** Elma "Pen" Farnsworth on [http://www.byhigh.org/History/Farnsworth/PhiloT1924.html "Philo Taylor Farnsworth", ''Brigham Young University Highschool'']. * It is proverbial that generals always prepare for the last war... ** {{cite book|last=Field|first=James A.|title=History of United States Naval Operations: Korea|url=https://books.google.com/books?id=ixByAAAAMAAJ|year=1962|publisher=U.S. Government Printing Office|page=22}} * Jellicoe has all the Nelsonic attributes except one—he is totally wanting in the great gift of insubordination. ** [[Lord Fisher]], letter to a Privy Councillor (Dec. 27, 1916). * O great corrector of enormous times,<br>Shaker of o'er-rank states, thou grand decider<br>Of dusty and old titles, that healest with blood<br>The earth when it is sick, and curest the world<br>O' the pleurisy of people. ** [[John Fletcher]], ''The Two Noble Kinsmen'' (with [[William Shakespeare]]; c. 1613; published 1634), Act V, scene 1. * [[Nations]] have recently been led to borrow billions for war; no nation has ever borrowed largely for education. Probably, no nation is rich enough to pay for both war and civilization. We must make our choice; we cannot have both. ** [[Abraham Flexner]], ''Universities'', part 3 (1930), p. 302. * The stories I have to tell are not for the ears of youngsters. What were the stories, really? A crowd of men charged from the trench. Later, some of them came back. What more was there to say? Once, a long time ago, war had been glamorous, with pageantry and uniforms to shame a peacock. Now it was only necessary, and the uniforms were the color of mud. ** [[Michael F. Flynn|Michael Flynn]], ''The Forest of Time'' (1987), reprinted in [[w:Gardner Dozois|Gardner Dozois]] (ed.), ''[[w:The Year's Best Science Fiction: Fifth Annual Collection|The Year's Best Science Fiction: Fifth Annual Collection]]'', p. 451 * My right has been rolled up. My left has been driven back. My center has been smashed. I have ordered an advance from all directions. ** Gen. [[Ferdinand Foch]], letter to Marshal [[Joseph Joffre]] during the [[w:First Battle of the Marne|Battle of the Marne]]. * Then came the attack in the Amiens sector on August 8. That went well, too. The moment had arrived. I ordered General Humbert to attack in his turn. "No reserves." No matter. Allez-y (Get on with it) I tell Marshal Haig to attack, too. He's short of men also. Attack all the same. There we are advancing everywhere—the whole line! En avant! Hup! ** Gen. Foch. In an interview with [[w:G. Ward Price|G. Ward Price]], correspondent of London Daily Mail (1919). * I am going on to the Rhine. If you oppose me, so much the worse for you, but whether you sign an armistice or not, I do not stop until I reach the Rhine. ** Gen. Foch to the Germans who came to ask for an armistice. As reported by G. Ward Price in the London Daily Mail. (1919). * Keep the home fires burning, while your hearts are yearning,<br> Tho' your lads are far away they dream of home.<br>There's a silver lining through the dark cloud shining;<br> Turn the dark cloud inside out till the boys come home. ** Mrs. Lena Guilbert Ford. Theme suggested by Ivor Novello, who wrote the music. Sung by the soldiers in the Great War. * '''All of us who served in one war or another know very well that all wars are the glory and the agony of the young.''' ** [[Gerald Ford]], Address to the 75th annual convention of the Veterans of Foreign Wars, Chicago, Illinois (19 August 1974); in ''Public Papers of the Presidents of the United States: Gerald R. Ford, 1974'', p. 25. * War means fighting, and '''fighting means killing'''. ** [[Nathan Bedford Forrest]], as quoted in ''May I Quote You, General Forrest?'' by Randall Bedwell. * Expect no quarter. ** [[Nathan Bedford Forrest]], as quoted in ''May I Quote You, General Forrest?'' by Randall Bedwell. * This fight is against slavery; '''if we lose it, you will be made free'''. ** [[Nathan Bedford Forrest]], as quoted in ''Report of the Joint Select Committee''. * The newspapers still talk about [[war|glory]] but the average man, thank God, has got rid of that illusion. It is a damned bore, with a stall mate as the most probable outcome, but one has to see it through, and see it through with the knowledge that whichever side wins, civilisation in Europe will be pipped for the next 30 years. Don't indulge in Romance here, Malcolm, or suppose that an era of jolly little nationalities is dawning. We shall be much too much occupied with pestilence and poverty to reconstruct. ** [[E. M. Forster]], ''Selected Letters'': Letter 136, to Malcolm Darling, 6 November 1914. * It was sad. It's war. Many others died, too. It's war. ** [[Wilhelm Frick]], About the death of his son, to Leon Goldensohn, March 10, 1946, "The Nuremberg Interviews" by Leon Goldensohn - History - 2007. * '''War is obsolete.''' It could never have been done before. Only ten years ago... technology reached the point where it could be done. Since then the invisible technological-capability revolution has made it ever easier so to do. It is a matter of converting the high technology from weaponry to livingry. The essence of livingry is human-life advantaging and environment controlling. With the highest aeronautical and engineering facilities of the world redirected from weaponry to livingry production, all humanity would have the option of becoming enduringly successful. All previous revolutions have been political—in them the have-not majority has attempted revengefully to pull down the economically advantaged minority. If realized, this historically greatest design revolution will joyously elevate all humanity to unprecedented heights. ** [[Buckminster_Fuller#Critical_Path_(1981)|''Critical Path'']], (1981) == G == [[File:M1A2 tanks at Combined Resolve II (14254298952).jpg|thumb|The [[art]] of [[w:War|war]] is simple enough. Find out where your [[enemy]] is. Get at him as soon as you can. Strike him as hard as you can, and keep moving on.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Ulysses S. Grant]]}}]] [[File:Battle of Vicksburg, Kurz and Allison.png|thumb|No terms except an unconditional and immediate surrender can be accepted.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Ulysses S. Grant]]}}]] [[File:Confederate Monument - S face tight - Arlington National Cemetery - 2011.jpg|thumb|right|Wars produce many [[stories]] of [[fiction]], some of which are told until they are believed to be [[true]].<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Ulysses S. Grant]]}}]] [[File:Robert E. Lee at Fredericksburg.jpg|thumb|There will be people who will not be consoled for the loss of [[Slavery|a cause which they believed to be holy]]. As time passes, people, even of the South, will begin to wonder how it was possible that their ancestors ever fought for or justified institutions which acknowledged [[Slavery|the right of property in man]].<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Ulysses S. Grant]]}}]] * Wars had been fought for as far back as anyone could see. They accompanied the first tribes and settlements, and they persisted through the creation of [[Cities|cites]], [[nations]], [[Empire|empires]], and modern [[State|states]]. They varied only in the means available with which to fight them: as technology advanced so too did lethality, and the unsurprising result that as wars became bigger costs became greater. The first war of which we know the details—the [[w:Peloponnesian War|Peloponnesian War]] between Athens and Sparta during the 5^th century BCE—probably brought about the deaths of 250,000 people. The two world wars of the [[20th century|20^th century]] may well have killed 300 times that number. The propensity for violence that drove these conflict and all those in between remained much the same, as [[Thucydides]] had predicted it would, “human nature being what it is.” What made the difference were the “improvements” in weaponry that inflated the body count. ** [[John Lewis Gaddis]], ''The Cold War: A New History'' (2005), p. 51 * Your flaming torch aloft we bear,<br>With burning heart an oath we swear<br>To keep the faith, to fight it through,<br>To crush the foe or sleep with you<br> In Flanders' fields. ** [[C. B. Galbreath]]. Answer to McCrae's In Flanders' Fields. * The colossus of World War II seemed to be like a pyramid turned upside down. ** As quoted in "The First and the Last," 1954. * What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans, and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty and democracy? ** [[Mahatma Gandhi]], ''Non-Violence in Peace and War'', 1942, Vol. 1, Ch. 142 * You gotta remember that in war, you’re not deciding between the bad thing to and the good thing. You’re choosing between the bad and the worse. And you can’t control the shit that happens after you choose. ** [[Charles E. Gannon]], ''Trial By Fire'' (2014), chapter 27 * Sometimes, thinking just didn’t do any good, didn’t provide any answers. Because for some questions—such as the arbitrariness of life and death during wartime—there weren’t any answers. ** [[Charles E. Gannon]], ''Trial By Fire'' (2014), chapter 27 * When the red wrath perisheth, when the dulled swords fail,<br>These three who have walked with Death—these shall prevail.<br>Hell bade all its millions rise; Paradise sends three:<br>Pity, and Self-sacrifice, and Charity. ** [[Theodosia Garrison]], ''These shall Prevail''. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * Sufficeth this to prove my theme withal,<br>That every bullet hath a lighting place. ** [[Gascoigne]], ''Duke Bellum Inexpertis''. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * '<b>A more stupid and wasteful business there never was.</b> Fields will not be planted, food will run low, tax revenues will dry up &mdash; save from the makers of swords and munitions.' ** [[David Gemmell#Stormrider|David Gemmell, <i>Stormrider</i>]] (Ch. 15) * Once blood is shed in a national quarrel reason and right are swept aside by the rage of angry men. ** [[David Lloyd George]], ''War Memoirs'' (1942), vol. 2, chapter 81, p. 1815. * I was bandaging their wounds together with a field nurse. We did what we could: tearing strips from shirts and using them as bandages. So many died there! One lost his arm and died before making it to the crossing. Just fell down. Our radio operator too. Our girls, as they were climbing up the bank, got hit too. They were screaming, calling for their mothers. Torn limbs were flying from the blasts. It was terrifying. '''The most horrible is not the shelling itself, but to see its result'''. ** Maria Georgievna, [https://facingstalingrad.com/interviews/maria-faustova-aleksandr-voronov/ interview on facingstalingrad.com] * [B]y adopting [[microeconomics]], [[game theory]], [[Systems theory|systems analysis]], and other [[Management science|managerial techniques]], the [[John F. Kennedy|Kennedy]] [[w:Presidency of John F. Kennedy|administration]] advanced [[w:Limited war|“limited” war]] to greater specificity, making it seem much more controllable, manageable, and therefore desirable as [[Foreign policy of the United States|foreign policy]]. ** James Gibson, ''The Perfect War: Technowar in Vietnam''. Boston: Atlantic Monthly Press, 1986, p. 80; as qtd. in Antoine Bosquet, [https://www.academia.edu/390023/Cyberneticizing_the_American_War_Machine_Science_and_Computers_in_the_Cold_War “Cyberneticizing the American War Machine: Science and Computers in the Cold War”], p. 96. * The war we are fighting until victory or the bitter end is in its deepest sense a war between [[Christ]] and [[Karl Marx|Marx]].<br> Christ: the principle of love.<br> Marx: the principle of hate. ** [[Joseph Goebbels]], ''Der Kampf, den wir heute ausfechten bis zum Sieg oder bis zum bitteren Ende, ist im tiefsten Sinne ein Kampf zwischen Christus und Marx. <br> Christus: das Prinzip der Liebe. <br> Marx: das Prinzip des Hasses.<br>'' * We have 500,000 reservists in America who would rise in arms against your government if you dare to make a move against Germany. ** Zimmermann to Ambassador Gerard. "I told him that we had five hundred thousand and one lamp posts in America, and that was where the German reservists would find themselves if they tried any uprising." Ambassador Gerard's answer. Jakes W. Gerard, [http://www.loc.gov/teachers/classroommaterials/presentationsandactivities/presentations/timeline/progress/wwone/loyalty.html ''My Four Years in Germany''], p. 237. * Neither ridiculous shriekings for revenge by French chauvinists, nor the Englishmen's gnashing of teeth, nor the wild gestures of the Slavs will turn us from our aim of protecting and extending German influence all the world over. ** Official secret report of the Germans, quoted in the ''French Yellow Book''. * Ye living soldiers of the mighty war,<br> Once more from roaring cannon and the drums<br> And bugles blown at morn, the summons comes;<br>Forgot the halting limb, each wound and scar:<br> Once more your Captain calls to you;<br> Come to his last review! ** [[R. W. Gilder]], ''The Burial of Grant''. * An attitude not only of defence, but defiance. ** [[Thomas Gillespie]], ''The Mountain Storm''. "Defence not defiance" became the motto of the Volunteer Movement. (1859). * I believe the media can be the greatest force for [[peace]] on Earth. Instead, all too often, it is wielded as a weapon of war. That has to be challenged. ** [[Amy Goodman]] Introduction, Democracy Now!: Twenty Years Covering the Movements Changing America (2016) * If you are opposed to war, you are not a fringe minority. You are not a silent majority. You are part of a silenced majority. Silenced by the mainstream media. ** [[Amy Goodman]] The Exception to the Rulers written with David Goodman (2004) * [I]magine if the U.S. media showed uncensored, hellish images of war-even for one week. What impact would that have? I think we would be able to abolish war. ** [[Amy Goodman]] The Exception to the Rulers written with David Goodman (2004) * '''Göring''': '''Why, of course, the people don't want war.''' Why would some poor slob on a farm want to risk his life in a war when the best that he can get out of it is to come back to his farm in one piece? '''Naturally, the common people don't want war; neither in [[Russia]] nor in [[England]] nor in America, nor for that matter in Germany. That is understood.''' But, after all, it is the leaders of the country who determine the policy and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along, whether it is a [[democracy]] or a [[Fascism|fascist]] [[dictatorship]] or a [[Parliamentary system|Parliament]] or a [[Communism|Communist]] dictatorship.<br> ''Gilbert'': There is one difference. In a democracy, the people have some say in the matter through their [[Representation|elected representatives]], and in the United States only [[United States Congress|Congress]] can declare wars. <br>''Göring'': Oh, that is all well and good, but, voice or no voice, '''the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the [[Pacifism|pacifists]] for lack of [[patriotism]] and exposing the country to danger. It works the same way in any country.''' ** [[Hermann Göring]], [http://www.snopes.com/quotes/goering.htm In an interview with Gilbert in Göring's jail cell during the Nuremberg War Crimes Trials (18 April 1946)] * O, send Lewis Gordon hame<br>And the lad I maune name,<br>Though his back be at the wa'<br>Here's to him that's far awa'.<br>O, hon! my Highlandman,<br>O, my bonny Highlandman,<br>Weel would I my true love ken<br>Among ten thousand Highlandmen. ** Accredited to [[Geddes—Lewis Gordon]]. In ''Scotch Songs and Ballads''. * '''The [[art]] of [[war]] is simple enough. Find out where your [[enemy]] is. Get at him as soon as you can. Strike him as hard as you can, and keep moving on.''' ** [[Ulysses S. Grant]], Statement to John Hill Brinton, at the start of his Tennessee River Campaign, early 1862, as quoted in ''Personal Memoirs of John H. Brinton, Major and Surgeon U.S.V., 1861-1865'' (1914) by John Hill Brinton, p. 239. * No terms except an unconditional and immediate surrender can be accepted. I propose to move immediately upon your works. ** [[Ulysses S. Grant]], to Gen. S. B. Buckner. Fort Donelson. February 16, 1862. * For the present, and so long as there are living witnesses of the great war of sections, '''there will be people who will not be consoled for the loss of [[Slavery|a cause which they believed to be holy]]. As time passes, people, even of the South, will begin to wonder how it was possible that their ancestors ever fought for or justified institutions which acknowledged [[Slavery|the right of property in man]]'''. ** [[Ulysses S. Grant]], [http://www.gutenberg.org/etext/4367 ''Personal Memoirs of General U. S. Grant''] (1885), Ch. 12. * '''I don't underrate the value of [[military]] [[knowledge]], but if men make war in slavish obedience to [[rules]], they will fail.''' ** [[Ulysses S. Grant]], as quoted in ''A History of Militarism: Romance and Realities of a Profession'' (1937) by Alfred Vagts, p. 27. * '''Though I have been trained as a [[soldier]], and participated in many [[battles]], there never was a time when, in my opinion, some way could not be found to prevent the drawing of the [[sword]].''' I look forward to an epoch when a [[court]], recognized by all nations, will settle international differences, instead of keeping large standing [[armies]] as they do in [[Europe]]. ** [[Ulysses S. Grant]], as quoted in "International [[Arbitration]]" by W. H. Dellenback in ''The Commencement Annual, University of Michigan'' (30 June 1892) and in ''A Half Century of International Problems: A Lawyer's Views'' (1954) by [[w:Frederic René Coudert|Frederic René Coudert]], p. 180. * '''Wars produce many [[stories]] of [[fiction]], some of which are told until they are believed to be [[true]].''' ** [[Ulysses S. Grant]], [http://www.gutenberg.org/etext/4367 ''Personal Memoirs of General U. S. Grant''] (1885), Ch. 67. *'''War was return of earth to ugly earth,<br>War was foundering of sublimities,<br>Extinction of each happy art and faith<br>By which the world had still kept head in air'''. ** [[Robert Graves]] Recalling War," lines 31–34, from Collected Poems 1938 (1938). * The [[British Army|British army]] should be a projectile to be fired by the [[Royal Navy|British navy]]. ** [[Edward Grey, 1st Viscount Grey of Fallodon|Viscount Grey]]. Quoted by Lord Fisher, in Memories, as "the splendid words of Sir Edward Grey". * We will be misguided in our intentions if we point at one single thing and say that it will prevent war, unless, of course, that thing happens to be the will, the determination, and the resolve of people everywhere that nations will never again clash on the battlefield. ** [[Leslie Groves]] Opening address (7 Nov 1945) of Town Hall’s annual lecture series, as quoted in 'Gen. Groves Warns on Atom ‘Suicide’', New York Times (8 Nov 1945), 4. (Just three months before he spoke, two atom bombs dropped on Japan in Aug 1945 effectively ended WW II.) * [[Logistics]] is the ball and chain of armored warfare. ** [[Heinz Guderian]] Quoted in "Sword Point" - Page 141 - by Harold Coyle - 1988. * The facts come sometimes to belie those who are convinced of the present reality of ‘moral progress’, according to the most usual conception of it; but all they do is modify their ideas a little in this respect, or refer the realization of their ideal to a more or less remote future, and they, too, might crawl out of their difficulties by talking about a ‘rhythm of progress’. Besides this, by a much simpler solution, they usually strive to forget the lesson of experience: '''such are the incorrigible dreamers who, at each new war do not fail to prophesy that it will be the last.''' ** [[René Guénon]], ''East and West'' (Ghent NY: Sophia Perennis, 2001; originally published in 1924 in French as ''Orient et Occident''), p. 23 (Ch. 1, "Civilization & Progress"). [https://archive.org/details/eastwest0000guen/page/22/mode/2up?q=war&view=theater] * ''Con disavvantaggio grande si fa la guerra con chi non ha che perdere.'' ** One is in great disadvantage if goes to war with those who have nothing to lose. *** [[Francesco Guicciardini]], ''Storia d'Italia'' (1537-1540). == H == [[File:Filosofo detto eraclito, da villa dei papiri, peristilio quadrato.JPG|thumb|right|War is the father and king of all: some he has made gods, and some men; some slaves and some free.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Heraclitus]]}}]] * During the war of the rebellion [[Jay Gould|Gould]]'s firm did a large business in railway securities, and also made a great deal of money speculating in gold. Gould had private sources of information in the field, and he was able to turn almost every success or defeat of the [[w:Union army|Union army]] to profitable account. ** [[w:Murat Halstead|Murat Halstead]], J. Frank Beale, and [[w:Willis Fletcher Johnson|Willis Fletcher Johnson]]: {{cite book|url=https://books.google.com/books?id=rTacWNpL-rUC&pg=PA73|title = Life of Jay Gould: How He Made His Millions|page=73|year = 1892}} * War itself is not a mere science but a more fickle sort of thing, often subject to fate or chance, being an entirely human enterprise... ** [[Victor Davis Hanson]], ''A War Like No Other - How the Athenians and Spartans Fought the Peloponnesian War'' (2005) * The greater the hold of government upon the life of the individual citizen, the greater the risk of war. ** [[John Hospers]], ''Libertarianism: A Political Philosophy for Tomorrow'', Los Angeles: CA, Nash Publishing (1971) p. 411-412 * '''I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.''' ** [[Jack Handey]] ''Deep Thoughts'' (1992), Berkley Publishing Group, <small> {{ISBN|0-425-13365-6}} </small> * Yes; quaint and curious war is!<br> You shoot a fellow down<br>You'd treat if met where any bar is,<br> Or help to half-a-crown. ** [[Thomas Hardy]], ''The Man he Killed''. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * They were left in the lurch<br>For want of more wadding—He ran to the church—<br> * * * * * *<br>With his arms full of hymnbooks …<br>Rang his voice, "Put Watts into 'em—Boys, give 'em Watts." ** [[Bret Harte]], ''Caldwell of Springfield''. * An hour ago, a Star was falling.<br>A star? There's nothing strange in that.<br> No, nothing; but above the thicket,<br>Somehow it seemed to me that God<br> Somewhere had just relieved a picket. ** [[Bret Harte]], ''Relieving Guard''. * Hark! I hear the tramp of thousands,<br> And of armèd men the hum;<br>Lo, a nation's hosts have gathered<br> Round the quick alarming drum—<br> Saying, Come,<br> Freemen, Come!<br>Ere your heritage be wasted,<br> Said the quick alarming drum. ** [[Bret Harte]], ''The Rèveille''. * Let the only walls the foe shall scale<br> Be ramparts of the dead! ** [[Paul H. Hayne]], ''Vicksburg''. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * My men never retire. They go forward or they die. ** [[w:William Hayward|Col. William Hayward]] to a French General who cried to him to retire his troops, the 369th Infantry, colored. See N. Y. Herald. Feb. 3, 1919. Attributed also to Major Bundy, but denied by him. * Most of these who are thrust into combat soon find it impossible to maintain the mythic perception of war. ** [[Chris Hedges]], ''War Is a Force that Gives Us Meaning'' ISBN 1586480499, (2002) * The vanquished know [[war]]. They see through the empty [[w:jingoism|jingoism]] of those who use the [[abstract]] words of [[glory]], [[honor]], and [[patriotism]] to [[mask]] the cries of the [[wounded]], the [[senseless]] killing, [[w:war profiteering|war profiteering]], and chest-pounding [[grief]]. ** [[Chris Hedges]], [http://www.antiwar.com/orig/hedges.php?articleid=6294 War: Realities and Myths] (11 June 2005) * Napoleon healed through sword and fire the sick nation. ** [[Heinrich Heine]]. See Scherer, ''History of German Literature'', II. 116. * The purpose of war is to support your government's decisions by force. ** [[Robert Heinlein]], ''[[Starship Troopers]]''. * Suffer not yourselves to be betrayed with a kiss. Ask yourselves how this gracious reception of our petition comports with those warlike preparations which cover our waters and darken our land. Are fleets and armies necessary to a work of love and reconciliation? Have we shown ourselves so unwilling to be reconciled, that force must be called in to win back our love? Let us not deceive ourselves, sir. These are the implements of war and subjugation—the last arguments to which kings resort. ** [[Patrick Henry]], speech to the Virginia Convention, Richmond, Virginia (March 23, 1775); in William Wirt, ''Sketches of the Life and Character of Patrick Henry'', 9th ed. (1836, reprinted 1970), p. 139. "While there is no doubt as to the general effect of Henry's speech, questions as to its actual wording are not so easily disposed of. Not only is there no manuscript copy of the oration, there is no stenographic report…. It was not until some forty years later that William Wirt first reprinted a reconstruction of Henry's oration. In the absence of contemporary written information" there was much criticism of Wirt's text. Wirt collected much of the information for his biography of Patrick Henry "when many of Henry's auditors at St. John's [church] were still in their clear-minded fifties or sixties". Wirt collected information from "intelligent and reliable" auditors, including John Tyler, Judge St. George Tucker, and Edmund Randolph. "Wirt's text was based on a few very helpful sources plus many bits of information. He had ample proof for certain burning phrases … a remarkable resemblance to Henry's other speeches during that period", the fact that the speech conforms to others in "oratorical style and technique, even in the use of Biblical quotations or analogies. Of course, Wirt may have used fragments" from earlier speeches for the reconstruction. "Yet the information on the text as a whole is more precise than for many other great speeches in history". Robert Douthat Meade, ''Patrick Henry, Practical Revolutionary'' (1969), vol. 2, p. 38–40. "I can find no evidence that Patrick Henry's 'Give me liberty, or give me death' went ringing round the country in 1775, when he thus burst forth to the Virginia delegates, or in fact that it was quoted at all until after William Wirt's official life in 1817". Carroll A. Wilson, "Familiar 'Small College' Quotations, II: Mark Hopkins and the Log", ''The Colophon'' (spring 1938), p. 204. * '''The god of war has gone over to the other side.''' ** [[Adolf Hitler]], Statement to [[w:Alfred Jodl|Alfred Jodl]], after losses in the [[w:Battle of Stalingrad|Battle of Stalingrad]], as quoted in ''The Second World War : An Illustrated History'' (1979) by [[w: A. J. P. Taylor|A. J. P. Taylor]] * Hang yourself, brave Crillon. We fought at Arques, and you were not there. ** [[Henry IV of France|Henry IV]], to Crillon after a great victory. Sept. 20, 1597. Appeared in a note to Voltaire's Henriade, VIII. 109. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * Πόλεμος πάντων μὲν πατήρ ἐστι πάντων δὲ βασιλεύς, καὶ τοὺς μὲν θεοὺς ἔδειξε τοὺς δὲ ἀνθρώπους, τοὺς μὲν δούλους ἐποίησε τοὺς δὲ ἐλευθέρους.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Heraclitus]]}} *# '''War is the father and king of all: some he has made gods, and some men; some slaves and some free.''' *# War is the father and king of all, and has produced some as gods and some as men, and has made some slaves and some free. ([http://www.classicpersuasion.org/pw/heraclitus/herpatu.htm G. T. W. Patrick, 1889]) *#* [[Hippolytus]], ''Ref. haer. ix.'' 9 (Fragment 53). Context: "And that the father of all created things is created and uncreated, the made and the maker, we hear him (Heraclitus) saying, 'War is the father and king of all,' etc." *#* [[Plutarch]], ''de Iside'' 48, p. 370. Context, see frag. 43. *#* [[Proclus]] in ''Tim.'' 54 A (comp. 24 B). *#* Compare [[Chrysippus]] from ''Philodem. P. eusebeias, vii.'' p. 81, Gomperz. *#* [[Lucianus]], ''Quomodo hist. conscrib. 2;'' Idem, ''Icaromen 8.'' *# See also: [[Wiktionary:EL:πόλεμος πάντων μὲν πατήρ ἐστι, πάντων δὲ βασιλεύς|πόλεμος πάντων μὲν πατήρ ἐστι, πάντων δὲ βασιλεύς]] *# [[Martin Heidegger]], ''Parmenides'' (1942–1943) * Τίς γὰρ αὐτῶν νόος ἢ φρήν; [δήμων] ἀοιδοῖσι ἕπονται καὶ διδασκάλῳ χρέωνται ὁμίλῳ, οὐκ εἰδότες ὅτι πολλοὶ κακοὶ ὀλίγοι δὲ ἀγαθοί. αἱρεῦνται γὰρ ἓν ἀντία πάντων οἱ ἄριστοι, κλέος ἀέναον θνητῶν, οἱ δὲ πολλοὶ κεκόρηνται ὅκωσπερ κτήνεα. *# '''The best people renounce all for one goal, the eternal fame of mortals; but most people stuff themselves like cattle.''' *# For what sense or understanding have they? They follow minstrels and take the multitude for a teacher, not knowing that many are bad and few good. For the best men choose one thing above all – immortal glory among mortals; but the masses stuff themselves like cattle. ([http://www.classicpersuasion.org/pw/heraclitus/herpatu.htm G.T.W. Patrick, 1889]) *#: "The passage is restored as above by Bernays (''Heraclitea i.'' p. 34), and Bywater (p. 43), from the following sources: *#:* [[Clement of Alexandria|Clement of Alex.]] ''Strom. v. 9,'' p. 682. *#:* [[Proclus]] in ''Alcib.'' p. 255 Creuzer, = 525 ed. ''Cous. ii.'' *#:* [[Clement of Alexandria|Clement of Alex.]] ''Strom. iv.'' 7, p. 586." * Inquiry shall likewise be made about the professions and trades of those who are brought to be admitted to the &#91;Christian&#93; faith. ... A soldier of the civil authority must be taught not to kill men and to refuse to do so if he is commanded, and to refuse to take an oath; if he is unwilling to comply, he must be rejected. ... If a catechumen or a believer seeks to become a soldier, they must be rejected, for they have despised God. ** [[Hippolytus of Rome]], ''Apostolic Tradition'' * I believe that I am today acting according to the purposes of the almighty Creator. In resisting the Jew, I am fighting the Lord’s battle. ** Adolf Hitler, ''Mein Kampf'' (1925) * And I should not like to forget the hint which I have already given once before, on 1 September 1939, in the German Reichstag — that should the other world be plunged into a general war, Jewry as a whole will have played out its role in Europe. They can laugh at this today just as they laughed at my prophecies before. The coming months and years will prove that here too I was right. ** Adolf Hitler, quoted in ''Hitler, Reden und Prokiamationen, 1932—1945'', Neustadt/Aisch, (1963) * I have played straight with the Jews. On the eve of war I gave them a last warning. I warned them that if they again plunged the world into war, they would not be spared this time — that the vermin would be finally exterminated in Europe. They replied to this warning by a declaration of war. . . . We have pierced the Jewish abscess. The world of the future will be eternally grateful to us. ** Adolf Hitler, Le Testament politique de Hitler. Notes recueillies par Martin Bormann, Paris, 1959, * the red father of war<br />who signs his name<br />in the blood of other men ** [[Linda Hogan (writer)]] Dark. Sweet.: New & Selected Poems (2014) * Bleak are our shores with the blasts of December,<br> Fettered and chill is the rivulet's flow;<br>Throbbing and warm are the hearts that remember<br> Who was our friend when the world was our foe. ** [[Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.]], Welcome to the Grand Duke Alexis, Dec. 6, 1871. Referring to the fleet sent by Russia in Sept., 1863, an act with mixed motives, but for which we were grateful. * What I mean by saying that war is wrong is not only that it is bad but that it ought not to be waged, that governments ought not to declare and fight wars, societies ought not to provide them with the means by which to do so, and individuals ought not to sanction, support and participate in wars. ** [[Robert L. Holmes|Robert L. Holmes]], ''On War and Morality'' [https://books.google.com/books?id=TBoABAAAQBAJ&q=Robert+L.+Holms#v=onepage&q=Robert%20L.%20Holms&f=false (1989)] p. 15 * By focusing on the entitlements of collectivities (notably nation states) as opposed to the well-being of individuals, the [[just war theory]] frames a rationale for war which omits the central moral issue...whether the massive, systematic and deliberate killing of human beings can ever be justified. **[[Robert L. Holmes]], ''Pacifism: A Philosophy of Nonviolence,'' (2017) p. xvii * If a visitor from outer space were to come to know human beings on this earth .... at work and play, and without knowledge of human history or international affairs, what would he conclude? No doubt that virtually everyone values friendship, peace and happiness; ...If having observed all this the visitor were then told that a scheme had been proposed ... which for the present would require that people pour their wealth into the production of weapons of destruction, ... train their sons and daughters to kill and periodically send them off to slaughter..[and] that humans could improve their lot provided only that they do all of these things, he would ridicule the scheme as having not the slightest chance of success, and even less of being accepted by rational beings. Yet this is precisely what humankind has been led to accept in the case of war. It has proven willing to abandon virtually everything worth living for, to do things all agree are abhorrent, for reasons few understand, and for ends (such as peace) that history shows cannot be secured by these means. **[[Robert L. Holmes]], ''The Ethics of Nonviolence: Essays by Robert L. Holmes,'' Editor: Predrag Cicovaki, [https://books.google.com/books?id=0XbHAgAAQBAJ&q=Robert+L.+Holms] (2013) Chapter 9 - "War, Power and Nonviolence" p. 143-144 * A necessary condition of the justifiable pursuit of ''any objectives'' in war by ''any means'' whatever.. is that one be justified in engaging in such killing and violence in the first place. **[[Robert L. Holmes|Robert L. Holmes]], ''On War and Morality'' (1989) p. 180 * It is not nuclear violence alone that is the threat to mankind. It is the willingness to kill our fellow human beings – the innocent as well as the noninnocent- for political ends. Unless we are willing to redirect our time, energy, and resources away from perfecting the means of mass destruction of whatever sort and into exploring nonviolent alternatives to '''war itself''', our efforts to combat the threat of nuclear war are likely to be of no avail. ** [[w:Robert L. Holmes|Robert L. Holmes]], ''On War and Morality'' [https://books.google.com/books?id=TBoABAAAQBAJ&q=Robert+L.+Holms#v=onepage&q=Robert%20L.%20Holms&f=false (1989)] Introduction p. 10 * I war not with the dead. ** [[Homer]], ''Iliad'', Book VII, line 485. Pope's translation. Charles V. Of Luther. Found in W, line Hertslet—Der Treppenwitz der Weltgeschichte. * Cursed is the man, and void of law and right,<br>Unworthy property, unworthy light,<br>Unfit for public rule, or private care,<br>That wretch, that monster, who delights in war; ** [[Homer]], ''Iliad'', IX, 63; quoted by [[Polybius]], XII, 6, 26 ** Paton's translation of Polybius. * Take thou thy arms and come with me,<br>For we must quit ourselves like men, and strive<br>To aid our cause, although we be but two.<br>Great is the strength of feeble arms combined,<br>And we can combat even with the brave. ** [[Homer]], ''Iliad'', Book XIII, line 289. Bryant's translation. * The chance of war<br>Is equal, and the slayer oft is slain. ** [[Homer]], ''Iliad'', Book XVIII, line 388. Bryant's translation. * It is not right to exult over slain men. ** [[Homer]], ''Odyssey'', XII. 412. Quoted by John Morley in a speech during the Boer War. Also by John Bright in his speech on America, June 29, 1867. Compare Archilochus—Frag. Berk. No. 64. (Hiller. No. 60. Liebel. No. 41). * So ends the bloody business of the day. ** [[Homer]], ''Odyssey'', Book XXII, line 516. Pope's translation * Older men declare war. But it is youth that must fight and die. And it is youth who must inherit the tribulation, the sorrow and the triumphs that are the aftermath of war. ** [[Herbert Hoover]], address to the 23d Republican national convention, Chicago, Illinois (June 27, 1944). ''Official Report of the Proceedings of the Twenty-third Republican National Convention'' (1944), p. 166. * Nimirum hic ego sum. ** Here indeed I am; this is my position. ** [[Horace]], ''Epistles'', Book I. 15. 42 * Postquam Discordia tetra<br>Belli ferratos postes portasque refregit. ** When discord dreadful bursts her brazen bars,<br> And shatters locks to thunder forth her wars. ** [[Horace]], ''Satires'', I. 4. 60. Quoted. Original not known, thought to be from Ennius. * Ye who made war that your ships<br> Should lay to at the beck of no nation,<br>Make war now on Murder, that slips<br> The leash of her hounds of damnation;<br>Ye who remembered the Alamo,<br>Remember the Maine! ** [[Richard Hovey]], ''The Word of the Lord from Havana''. * We cannot well exaggerate ... the horrors, the hateful ravages, and the countless expense of war... show plainly to our children that war, with its embodied woes and furies must be avoided. ** [[w:Oliver Otis Howard|Oliver Otis Howard]], as quoted in [https://books.google.com/books?id=i5u1P0Fq4GYC&printsec=frontcover&dq=0307594084&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwj17N6CovLcAhUPUt8KHTa1CrgQ6AEIKDAA#v=onepage&q&f=false ''Gettysburg: The Last Invasion''] (2013), by [[Allen C. Guelzo]], p. 9 * Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord:<br>He is trampling out the vintage where the grapes of wrath are stored:<br>He hath loosed the fateful lightning of his terrible swift sword:<br> His [[truth]] is marching on. ** [[Julia Ward Howe]], ''Battle Hymn of the Republic''. * ''L'Angleterre prit l'aigle, et l'Autriche l'aiglon.'' ** The English took the eagle and Austrians the eaglet. ** [[Victor Hugo]]. Napoleon adopted the lectern eagle for his imperial standard. His son was the eaglet. * Earth was the meadow, he the mower strong. ** [[Victor Hugo]], ''La Légende des Siècles''. * The sinews of war are those two metals (gold and silver). ** Arthur Hull to Robert Cecil, in a Memorial, Nov. 28, 1600. Same idea in Fuller's Holy State, p. 125. (Ed. 1649). * Individuals who commit serious violations of the laws of war with criminal intent – that is, intentionally or recklessly – may be prosecuted for '''war crimes'''. Individuals may also be held criminally liable for assisting in, facilitating, aiding, or abetting a war crime. All governments that are parties to an armed conflict are obligated to investigate alleged war crimes by members of their armed forces. ** Human Rights Watch [https://www.hrw.org/news/2018/09/02/yemen-coalition-bus-bombing-apparent-war-crime ''Yemen: Coalition Bus Bombing Apparent War Crime,''] (2 September 2018) * The closeness of their intercourse [the intercourse of nations] will assuredly render war as absurd and impossible by-and-by, as it would be for Manchester to fight with Birmingham, or Holborn Hill with the Strand. ** [[Leigh Hunt]], ''Preface to Poems''. * If we do not change course quickly, we will inevitably encounter an incident where that first domino is tipped—triggering a sequence of unstoppable events that will mark [[w:Nuclear holocaust|the end of our time]] on this tiny planet... My hope lies in... the leaders of [[communities]] and [[social movements]], big and small, who are willing to forfeit everything—including their lives—in defence of [[human rights]]. ** [[Zeid Raad Al Hussein|Zeid Ra’ad Al Hussein]] in [https://www.economist.com/open-future/2018/08/30/grassroots-leaders-provide-the-best-hope-to-a-troubled-world '''''Grassroots leaders provide the best hope to a troubled world''', The Economist'',] (30 August 2018) * All war [[propaganda]] consists, in the last resort, in substituting diabolical abstractions for human beings. Similarly, those who defend war have invented a pleasant sounding vocabulary of abstractions in which to describe the process of mass murder. ** [[Aldous Huxley]], in "Pacifism and Philosophy" (1936). * Pavlov’s findings were confirmed in the most distressing manner, and on a very large scale, during the two World Wars. As the result of a single catastrophic experience, or of a succession of terrors less appalling but frequently repeated, soldiers develop a number of disabling psycho-physical symptoms. Temporary unconsciousness, extreme agitation, lethargy, functional blindness or paralysis, completely unrealistic responses to the challenge of events, strange reversals of life-long patterns of behaviour—all the symptoms, which Pavlov observed in his dogs, re-appeared among the victims of what in the First World War was called ‘shell shock’, in the Second, ‘battle fatigue’. Every man, like every dog, has his own individual limit of endurance. Most men reach their limit after about thirty days of more or less continuous stress under the conditions of modern combat. The more than averagely susceptible succumb in only fifteen days. The more than averagely tough can resist for forty-five or even fifty days. Strong or weak, in the long run all of them break down. All, that is to say, of those who are initially sane. For, ironically enough, '''the only people who can hold up indefinitely under the stress of modern war are psychotics. Individual insanity is immune to the consequences of collective insanity.''' ** [[Aldous Huxley]], ''Brave New World Revisited'' (London: Chatto & Windus, 1959), Chapter 7: "Brainwashing", p. 88 [https://archive.org/details/bravenewworldrev0000aldo_p6s5/page/88/mode/2up?q=psychotics] == I == * Attempts to prohibit the use of particular weapons in warfare have been made in various civilizations over a long period of time....[I]n ancient times, the Laws of Manu (the greatest of the [[Hinduism|Hindu]] codes prohibited [[Hindu|Hindus]] from using poisoned arrows; and the [[Greeks]] and [[Roman Empire|Romans]] customarily observed a prohibition against using poison or poisoned weapons. During the [[Middle Ages]] the Lateran Council of 1132 declared that the [[w:Crossbow|crossbow]] [was prohibited.] ** Editor J. INT'L L (1907) Supplement 95-6. (11 dec. 1868) 1 AM. ''reproduced in id.,'' at p. 29; as quoted by Kelly Dawn Askin, (1997). ''[https://books.google.com/books?id=ThfzGvSvQ2UC&hl=en War Crimes Against Women: Prosecution in International War Crimes Tribunals]''. Martinus Nijhoff Publishers. ISBN 978-90-411-0486-1., p.35. * I can give no adequate description of the Horror Camp in which my men and myself were to spend the next month of our lives. It was just a barren wilderness, as bare as a chicken run. Corpses lay everywhere, some in huge piles, sometimes they lay singly or in pairs where they had fallen. It took a little time to get used to seeing men women and children collapse as you walked by them and to restrain oneself from going to their assistance. One had to get used early to the idea that the individual just did not count. One knew that five hundred a day were dying and that five hundred a day were going on dying for weeks before anything we could do would have the slightest effect. It was, however, not easy to watch a child choking to death from [[w:Diptheria|diptheria]] when you knew a [[w:Tracheotomy|tracheotomy]] and nursing would save it, one saw women drowning in their own [[vomit]] because they were too weak to turn over, and men eating [[worms]] as they clutched a half loaf of [[bread]] purely because they had to eat worms to live and now could scarcely tell the difference. Piles of corpses, naked and obscene, with a woman too weak to stand proping herself against them as she cooked the food we had given her over an open fire; men and women crouching down just anywhere in the open relieving themselves of the dysentary which was scouring their bowels, a woman standing stark naked washing herself with some issue soap in water from a tank in which the remains of a child floated. It was shortly after the [[w:British Red Cross|British Red Cross]] arrived, though it may have no connection, that a very large quantity of lipstick arrived. This was not at all what we men wanted, we were screaming for hundreds and thousands of other things and I don't know who asked for lipstick. I wish so much that I could discover who did it, it was the action of genius, sheer unadulterated brilliance. I believe nothing did more for these internees than the lipstick. Women lay in bed with no sheets and no nightie but with scarlet red lips, you saw them wandering about with nothing but a blanket over their shoulders, but with scarlet red lips. I saw a woman dead on the post mortem table and clutched in her hand was a piece of lipstick. At last someone had done something to make them individuals again, they were someone, no longer merely the number tatooed on the arm. At last they could take an interest in their appearance. That lipstick started to give them back their humanity. ** An extract from the diary of Lieutenant Colonel Mervin Willett Gonin DSO who was amongst the first British soldiers to liberate [[w:Bergen-Belsen concentration camp|Bergen-Belsen]] in 1945. Source: [[w:Imperial War Museum|Imperial War Museum]] (1945). * Nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they learn war any more. ** [[Isaiah]], 2:4. == J == [[File:Saint James the Just.jpg|thumb|You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. ~ [[Epistle of James|James the Just]]]] [[File:WMD world map.svg|thumb|Reflective apologists for [[war]] at the present day all take it religiously. It is a sort of sacrament. It's [[profits]] are to the vanquished as well as to the victor; and quite apart from any question of profit, it is an [[absolute]] [[good]], we are told, for it is [[human nature]] at its highest dynamic. ~ [[William James]] ]] [[File:CH-53 landing at Defense Attaché Office compound, Operation Frequent Wind.jpg|thumb|How many men who listen to me tonight have served their nation in other wars? How very many are not here to listen? The war in Vietnam is not like these other wars. Yet, finally, war is always the same. It is young men dying in the fullness of their promise. It is trying to kill a man that you do not even know well enough to hate. Therefore, to know war is to know that there is still madness in this world.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Lyndon B. Johnson]]}}]] * Then, sir, we will give [[United States|them]] the bayonet! ** [[Stonewall Jackson]], reply to Colonel Barnard E. Bee when he reported that the Americans were beating them back. At the [[w:First Battle of Bull Run|First Battle of Bull Run]] (21 July 1861); as quoted in ''Stonewall Jackson As Military Commander'' (2000) by John Selby, p. 21. * You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. ** [[Epistle of James|James]] 4:2 [[New International Version|NIV]] * '''Reflective apologists for war at the present day all take it [[religiously]].''' It is a sort of [[sacrament]]. It's [[profits]] are to the vanquished as well as to the victor; and quite apart from any question of profit, it is an absolute good, we are told, for it is human nature at its highest dynamic. ** [[William James]], in [[s:The Moral Equivalent of War|''The Moral Equivalent of War'' (1906)]] * YOU are going to hear of wars and reports of wars; see that YOU are not terrified. For these things must take place, but the end is not yet. <br> For nation will rise against nation and kingdom against kingdom, and there will be food shortages and earthquakes in one place after another. All these things are a beginning of pangs of distress. ** [[Jesus]], [http://www.watchtower.org/e/bible/mt/chapter_024.htm Matthew 24:6-8 New World Translation] * He saith among the trumpets, Ha, ha; and he smelleth the battle afar off. ** [[Book of Job|Job]], XXXIX. 25. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * The safety of the country is at stake…. We must let ourselves be killed on the spot rather than retreat…. No faltering can be tolerated today. ** [[Joseph Joffre]]—Proclamation. Sept. 6, 1914. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * And war broke out in heaven: [[Michael (archangel)|Mi′cha•el]] and his angels battled with the [[dragon]], and the dragon and its [[angel]]s battled but it did not prevail, neither was a place found for them any longer in heaven. So down the great dragon was hurled, the original [[snake|serpent]], the one called [[Devil]] and [[Satan]], who is misleading the entire inhabited [[earth]]; he was hurled down to the earth, and his angels were hurled down with him. And I heard a loud voice in heaven say: : “Now have come to pass the salvation and the [[power]] and the [[Kingdom of God|kingdom of our God]] and the authority of his Christ, because the accuser of our brothers has been hurled down, who accuses them day and night before our God! :* John, [http://wol.jw.org/en/wol/d/r1/lp-e/1001060069?q=michael&p=par Apocalypse or Revelation 12:9-12] * How many men who listen to me tonight have served their nation in other wars? How very many are not here to listen? The war in Vietnam is not like these other wars. Yet, finally, '''war is always the same. It is young men dying in the fullness of their promise. It is trying to kill a man that you do not even know well enough to hate. It is a crime against mankind... Therefore, to know war is to know that there is still madness in this world'''. ** [[Lyndon B. Johnson]], [http://millercenter.org/president/speeches/speech-4035 State of the Union Address] (12 January 1966). * Among the calamities of war, may be justly numbered the diminution of the love of [[truth]], by the falsehoods which interest dictates, and credulity encourages. ** [[Samuel Johnson]], ''The Idler'', no. 30 (November 11, 1758). A more succinct version is: "The first casualty when war comes is truth", attributed to Senator [[Hiram Johnson]], remarks in the Senate, 1918. Burton Stevenson, ed., ''The Macmillan Book of Proverbs, Maxims, and Famous Phrases'' (1948), p. 2445. Reported as unverified in ''Respectfully Quoted: A Dictionary of Quotations'' (1989). * I have prayed in her fields of poppies,<br> I have laughed with the men who died—<br>But in all my ways and through all my days<br> Like a friend He walked beside.<br>I have seen a sight under Heaven<br> That only God understands,<br>In the battles' glare I have seen Christ there<br> With the Sword of God in His hand. ** [[Gordon Johnstone]], On Fields of Flanders. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * Every battle, every war - is fought for things worth [[dying]] for. ** [[w:Arthur M. Jolly|Arthur M. Jolly]], in the play ''Every Battle, Every War'', Original Works Press. (2009). * Men [[dying]] is a relative thing. The effect of the air campaign is a cumulative one and no one can predict which blow will be the crucial blow [to the enemy]. ** U.S. General Harold K. Johnson in a White House meeting of [[w:Lyndon B. Johnson|Lyndon B. Johnson]] and advisors, in response to the question of why they should ask a man to risk his life to bomb a tactically insignificant target. September 5, 1967. [http://web.archive.org/web/20021027113710/http://www.state.gov/r/pa/ho/frus/johnsonlb/v/13157.htm Memorandum From the President's Assistant (Jones) to President Johnson] * A navy is essentially and necessarily aristocratic. True as may be the political principles for which we are now contending they can never be practically applied or even admitted on board ship, out of port, or off soundings. This may seem a hardship, but it is nevertheless the simplest of truths. Whilst the ships sent forth by the Congress may and must fight for the principles of human rights and republican freedom, the ships themselves must be ruled and commanded at sea under a system of absolute despotism. ** [[John Paul Jones]], [http://www.rulit.me/books/the-last-ship-read-334944-1.html letter to the Naval Committee of Congress] (14 September 1775). * The Philistines be upon thee, Samson. ** Judges, XVI. 9. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * The people arose as one man. ** Judges, XX. 8. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * War is expensive. Winning a war, however, is less expensive than losing one. ** [[Mike Jones]], [http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/04/11/military.recruiting.ap/ &ldquo;Military re-enlistment bonuses skyrocket,&rdquo;] CNN, 11 April 2007. * In war you learn your lessons, and they stay learned, but the tuition fees are high. ** [[Ernst Jünger]], ''Storm of Steel'' (1920) == K == [[File:THE HOPE OF ALL THE WORLD - NARA - 515613.jpg|thumb|[[Strike action|Strike]] against war, for without you no battles can be fought.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Helen Keller]]}}]] [[File:IraqWarHeader.jpg|thumb|War has a momentum of its own and it carries you away from all thoughtful intentions when you get into it.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[George F. Kennan]]}}]] [[File:Bucha, Ukraine, June 2022 (52136362580).jpg|thumb|War seldom ever leads to [[good]] [[results]].<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[George F. Kennan]]}}]] [[File:AlfredPalmerM3tank1942b.jpg|thumb|Mankind must put an end to war or war will put an end to mankind.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[John F. Kennedy]]}}]] [[File:John_F._Kennedy%2C_White_House_color_photo_portrait.jpg|thumb|A war today or tomorrow, if it led to [[nuclear war]], would not be like any war in history. A full-scale nuclear exchange, lasting less than 60 minutes, with the weapons now in existence, could wipe out more than 300 million Americans, Europeans, and Russians, as well as untold numbers elsewhere.... the survivors would envy the dead. For they would inherit a world so devastated by explosions and poison and fire that today we cannot even conceive of its horrors.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[John F. Kennedy]]}}]] [[File:President Kennedy signs Nuclear Test Ban Treaty, 07 October 1963.jpg|thumb| So let us try to turn the world away from war. Let us make the most of this opportunity, and every opportunity, to reduce tension, to slow down the perilous nuclear arms race, and to check the world's slide toward final annihilation.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[John F. Kennedy]]}}]] [[File:M26-Pershing-Naktong-19500903.JPG|thumb|I am not unmindful of the [[fact]] that violence often brings about momentary results. [[Nations]] have frequently won their [[independence]] in battle. But in spite of temporary victories, violence never brings permanent [[peace]]. It solves no social problem: it merely creates new and more complicated ones.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Martin Luther King Jr.]]}}]] [[File:John William Waterhouse - Ulysses and the Sirens (1891).jpg|thumb|There is a fascinating little [[story]] that is preserved for us in Greek literature about [[w:Odysseus|Ulysses]] and the [[w:siren|Sirens]]. ... When [[w:Orpheus|Orpheus]] sang, who bothered to listen to the Sirens? So we must fix our [[vision]] not merely on the negative expulsion of war, but upon the positive affirmation of [[peace]]. We must see that peace represents a sweeter [[music]], a cosmic melody that is far superior to the discords of war.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Martin Luther King Jr.]]}}]] [[File:Flickr - Israel Defense Forces - Karakal Winter Training (1).jpg|thumb|Four things greater than all things are. Women and Horses and Power and War.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Rudyard Kipling]]}}]] * Its is important, too, to realize that deadly violence among primitives is not even remotely comparable to modern warfare. When primitives fight, two little bands of men shoot arrows or swing war-clubs at one another because they want to fight; or because they are defending themselves, their families, or their territory. In the modern world soldiers fight because they have been brainwashed into believing in some kook ideology such as that of Nazism, socialism, or what American politicians choose to call "freedom". In any case the modern soldier is merely a pawn, a dupe who dies not for his family or his tribe but for the politicians who exploit him. If he's unlucky, maybe he does not die but comes home horribly crippled in a way that would never result from an arrow -or a spear-wound. Meanwhile, thousands of non-combatants are killed or mutilated. The environment is ravaged, not only in the war zone, but also back home, due to the accelerated consumption of natural resources needed to feed the war machine. In comparison, the violence of primitive man is relatively innocuous. ** Ted Kaczyneski, "''The Truth about Primitive Life: The Road to Revolution''" (2008) * (While smiling, and jokingly) You haven't come to see me for three weeks. I wondered whether you had become disgusted with us war criminals - particularly me, the so-called archcriminal of them all. ** [[Ernst Kaltenbrunner]] to Leon Goldensohn, 6/6/46, from "The Nuremberg Interviews" by Leon Goldensohn, Robert Gellately - History - 2004. * Even [[Philosophy|philosophers]] will praise war as ennobling mankind, forgetting the Greek who said: War is bad in that it begets more evil than it kills. ** [[Immanuel Kant]], as quoted in ''Philosophical Perspectives on Peace: An Anthology of Classical and Modern Sources'' (1987) by Howard P. Kainz, p. 81 * All wars are accordingly so many attempts (not in the intention of man, but in the intention of Nature) to establish new relations among states, and through the destruction or at least the dismemberment of all of them to create new political bodies, which, again, either internally or externally, cannot maintain themselves and which must thus suffer like revolutions; until finally, through the best possible civic constitution and common agreement and legislation in external affairs, a state is created which, like a civic commonwealth, can maintain itself automatically. ** Immanuel Kant, [http://www.marxists.org/reference/subject/ethics/kant/universal-history.htm "Idea for a Universal History from a Cosmopolitan Point of View"] (1784) as translated in ''On History'' (1963) by Lewis White Beck; also translated as ''Idea for a General History with a Cosmopolitan Purpose, Seventh Thesis'' * By virtue of their mutual interest does nature unite people against violence and war…the spirit of trade cannot coexist with war, and sooner or later this spirit dominates every people. For among all those powers…that belong to a nation, financial power may be the most reliable in forcing nations to pursue the noble cause of peace…and wherever in the world war threatens to break out, they will try to head it off through mediation, just as if they were permanently leagued for this purpose. ** [[Immanuel Kant]], ''[https://books.google.com/books?isbn=0872206912 To Perpetual Peace]''. * [t]he laws of war are only as strong as those who insist that they be observed." ** Peter Karsten, ''Law, Soldier, And Combat'', ''supra'' note 55, p. 70; as quoted in as quoted in Kelly Dawn Askin (1997). ''[https://books.google.com/books?id=ThfzGvSvQ2UC&hl=en War Crimes Against Women: Prosecution in International War Crimes Tribunals]''. Martinus Nijhoff Publishers. ISBN 978-90-411-0486-1., p.36. * [[Strike action|Strike]] against war, for without you no battles can be fought. Strike against manufacturing shrapnel and gas bombs and all other tools of murder. Strike against preparedness that means death and misery to millions of human beings. Be not dumb, obedient slaves in an army of destruction. Be heroes in an army of construction. ** [[Helen Keller]], in [http://www.historyisaweapon.com/defcon1/helenstrike.html "Strike Against War", speech in Carnegie Hall (5 January 1916)]. * Now the following questions have to be raised: did the occupation of other countries improve our own happiness? Does the individual German get anything out of such conquests? Won't we get into trouble with another powerful nation some place tomorrow or the day after? The differences in interests among the large nations will not be diminished by expanding ourselves. ** [[Friedrich Kellner]], ''My Opposition'' (1940). * Modern war has become too complex to be entrusted to the [[intuition]] of even the most [[experienced]] military commander. Only our giant [[brains]] can [[calculate]] all the [[possibilities]]. ** [[w:John Kemeny|John Kemeny]] (1961), as qtd. in Sharon Ghamari-Tabrizi, ''The Worlds of Herman Kahn: The Intuitive Science of Thermonuclear War'', Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 2005, p. 149; as qtd. in Antoine Bosquet, [https://www.academia.edu/390023/Cyberneticizing_the_American_War_Machine_Science_and_Computers_in_the_Cold_War “Cyberneticizing the American War Machine: Science and Computers in the Cold War”], p. 88 * Anyone who has ever studied the history of American diplomacy, especially military diplomacy, knows that you might start in a war with certain things on your mind as a purpose of what you are doing, but in the end, you found yourself fighting for entirely different things that you had never thought of before … In other words, war has a momentum of its own and it carries you away from all thoughtful intentions when you get into it. Today, if we went into Iraq, like the president would like us to do, you know where you begin. You never know where you are going to end. ** [[George F. Kennan]], as quoted in [http://hnn.us/articles/997.html "George Kennan Speaks Out About Iraq" at ''History News Network'' (26 September 2002)] * Whenever you have a possibility of going in two ways, either for peace or for war, for peaceful methods of for military methods, in the present age there is a strong prejudice for the peaceful ones. War seldom ever leads to good results. ** [[George F. Kennan]], as quoted in "George Kennan Speaks Out About Iraq" at ''History News Network'' (26 September 2002) * For the love of God, for the love of your children and of the civilization to which you belong, cease this madness. You are mortal men. You are capable of error. You have no right to hold in your hands—there is no one wise enough and strong enough to hold in his hands—destructive power sufficient to put an end to civilized life on a great portion of our planet. ** [[George F. Kennan]], cited in {{cite news| url=http://www.boston.com/news/globe/obituaries/articles/2005/03/18/george_kennan_dies_at_101_devised_cold_war_policy| title=Obituary: George Kennan dies at 101; devised Cold War policy| date=2005-03-18| publisher=Boston Globe}}; also cited in {{cite book| title=House of War|last=Carroll| first=James| publisher=Houghton Mifflin Co| year=2006| location=Boston & New York| id={{ISBN|0618187804}}| chapter=Upstream| pages=581, note 140}} * War will exist until that distant day when the {{w|conscientious objector}} enjoys the same reputation and prestige that the warrior does today. ** [[John F. Kennedy]], [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx Undated Letter to a Navy friend]. [http://www.nytimes.com/2007/08/26/magazine/26wwln-safire-t.html Also mentioned by William Safire in his 2007-08-26 "On Language" article "Warrior" in the New York Times rubric Magazines.] * '''In a world of danger and trial, peace is our deepest aspiration''', and when peace comes we will gladly convert not our swords into plowshares, but our bombs into peaceful reactors, and our planes into space vessels. "Pursue peace," the Bible tells us, and we shall pursue it with every effort and every energy that we possess. But '''it is an unfortunate fact that we can secure peace only by preparing for war.''' ** [[John F. Kennedy]], [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/?pid=25654 Speech at Civic Auditorium, Seattle, Washington (6 September 1960)]<!-- Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley, The American Presidency Project --> * And if there is one path above all others to war, it is the path of weakness and disunity. ** [[John F. Kennedy]], [https://www.jfklibrary.org/archives/other-resources/john-f-kennedy-speeches/berlin-crisis-19610725 "Radio and Television Report to the American People on the Berlin Crisis" (25 July 1961)]; addressing the impending possibility of war between the United States and the [[w:Soviet Union|Soviet Union]] (USSR) over the [[w:Berlin Crisis of 1961|crisis in]] [[w:Berlin|Berlin]], [[w:Germany|Germany]]. * Mankind must put an end to war — or war will put an end to mankind ** [[John F. Kennedy]], Address before the General Assembly before the United Nations (25 September 1961). * The world is a very different one now. For man holds in his mortal hands the power to abolish all forms of human [[poverty]], and all forms of human life. ** [[John F. Kennedy]], Inaugural address (1961), as quoted in ''In Our Own Words : Extraordinary Speeches of the American Century'' (1999) by Robert G. Torricelli and Andrew Carroll, 222 * Every inhabitant of this planet must contemplate the day when this planet may no longer be habitable. Every man, woman and child lives under a nuclear [[w:Sword of Damocles|sword of Damocles]], hanging by the slenderest of threads, capable of being cut at any moment by accident or miscalculation or by madness. '''The weapons of war must be abolished before they abolish us.''' ** [[John F. Kennedy]], Address to the United Nations General Assembly, (25 September 1961) * [[w:Trinity (nuclear test)|Eighteen years ago the advent of nuclear weapons]] [[w:History of nuclear weapons|changed the course of the world as well as the war]]. Since that time, all mankind has been struggling to escape from the darkening prospect of mass destruction on earth. In an age when both sides have come to possess enough [[nuclear power]] to destroy the human race several times over, the world of communism and the world of free choice have been caught up in a vicious circle of conflicting ideology and interest. Each increase of tension has produced an increase of arms; each increase of arms has produced an increase of tension. ** [[John F. Kennedy]], [https://www.jfklibrary.org/asset-viewer/archives/JFKWHA/1963/JFKWHA-207/JFKWHA-207 Radio and Television Address to the American People on the Nuclear Test Ban Treaty], (26 July 1963) * '''A war today or tomorrow, if it led to [[nuclear war]], would not be like any war in history.''' A full-scale nuclear exchange, lasting less than 60 minutes, with the weapons now in existence, could wipe out more than 300 million Americans, Europeans, and Russians, as well as untold numbers elsewhere. And '''the survivors''', as [[Nikita Khrushchev|Chairman Khrushchev]] warned the [[w:Chinese Communist Party|Communist Chinese]], "the survivors would envy the dead." For they '''would inherit a world so devastated by explosions and poison and fire that today we cannot even conceive of its horrors. So let us try to turn the world away from war. Let us make the most of this opportunity, and every opportunity, to reduce tension, to slow down the perilous nuclear arms race, and to check the world's slide toward final annihilation.''' ** [[John F. Kennedy]], [https://www.jfklibrary.org/asset-viewer/archives/JFKWHA/1963/JFKWHA-207/JFKWHA-207 Radio and Television Address to the American People on the Nuclear Test Ban Treaty], (26 July 1963) * It is not easy for a free community to organise for war. We are not accustomed to listen to experts or prophets. Our strength lies in an ability to improvise. Yet an open mind to untried ideas is also necessary. ** [[John Maynard Keynes]], ''How to Pay for the War'' (1940), Ch. 1. The Character of the Problem * O thus be it ever, when freemen shall stand between their loved homes and the war's desolation. ** [[Francis Scott Key]], "The Star-Spangled Banner" (1814). * The unified field theory that best fits the currently known facts is what I call the '''"theory of competitive control."''' This is the notion that non-state armed groups, of many kinds, draw their strength and freedom of action primarily from their ability to manipulate and mobilize populations, and that they do this using a spectrum of methods from coercion to persuasion, by creating a normative system that makes people feel safe through the predictability and order that it generates. This theory has been part of many people’s thinking about insurgency and civil war for a long time. But the cases…suggest that it applies to any non-state armed group that preys on a population. ** [[w:David Kilcullen|David Kilcullen]], ''Out of the Mountains: The Coming Age of the Urban Guerrilla'', 2013. * War has changed little in principle from the beginning of recorded history. The [[w:Mechanized warfare|mechanized warfare]] of today is only an evolution of the time when men fought with clubs and stones, and its [[Machine|machines]] are as nothing without the men who invent them, man them and give them life. War is force- force to the utmost- force to make the enemy yield to our own will- to yield because they see their comrades killed and wounded- to yield because their own will to fight is broken. War is men against men. Mechanized war is still men against men, for machines are masses of inert metal without the men who control them- or destroy them. ** [[Ernest King|Ernest J. King]], as quoted in the prologue (page viii) of his memoirs, ''Fleet Admiral King: A Naval Record (1952)''. * Violence as a way of achieving racial justice is both impractical and immoral. I am not unmindful of the fact that violence often brings about momentary results. Nations have frequently won their independence in battle. But in spite of temporary victories, '''violence never brings permanent peace. It solves no social problem: it merely creates new and more complicated ones. Violence is impractical because it is a descending spiral ending in destruction for all. It is immoral because it seeks to humiliate the opponent rather than win his understanding: it seeks to annihilate rather than convert. Violence is immoral because it thrives on hatred rather than love. It destroys community and makes brotherhood impossible. It leaves society in monologue rather than dialogue. Violence ends up defeating itself. It creates bitterness in the survivors and brutality in the destroyers.''' ** [[Martin Luther King Jr.]], The Quest for Peace and Justice (1964), [http://www.nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/peace/laureates/1964/king-lecture.html#footnote Martin Luther King's Nobel Lecture, delivered in the Auditorium of the University of Oslo (11 December 1964)] * '''We will not build a peaceful world by following a negative path. It is not enough to say "We must not wage [[war]]." It is necessary to love [[peace]] and sacrifice for it. We must concentrate not merely on the negative expulsion of war, but on the positive affirmation of peace.''' There is a fascinating little story that is preserved for us in Greek literature about [[w:Odysseus|Ulysses]] and the [[w:siren|Sirens]]. The Sirens had the ability to sing so sweetly that sailors could not resist steering toward their island. Many ships were lured upon the rocks, and men forgot home, duty, and honor as they flung themselves into the sea to be embraced by arms that drew them down to death. Ulysses, determined not to be lured by the Sirens, first decided to tie himself tightly to the mast of his boat, and his crew stuffed their ears with wax. But finally he and his crew learned a better way to save themselves: they took on board the beautiful singer Orpheus whose melodies were sweeter than the music of the Sirens. When Orpheus sang, who bothered to listen to the Sirens? So we must fix our vision not merely on the negative expulsion of war, but upon the positive affirmation of peace. '''We must see that peace represents a sweeter music, a cosmic melody that is far superior to the discords of war. Somehow, we must transform the dynamics of the world power struggle from the negative nuclear arms race, which no one can win, to a positive contest to harness humanity's creative genius for the purpose of making peace and prosperity a reality for all the nations of the world. In short, we must shift the arms race into a peace race. If we have a will — and determination — to mount such a peace offensive, we will unlock hitherto tightly sealed doors of hope and transform our imminent cosmic elegy into a psalm of creative fulfillment. ''' ** [[Martin Luther King Jr.]], [https://www.nobelprize.org/prizes/peace/1964/king/lecture/ “Nobel Lecture, December 11, 1964”], University of Oslo, ''Nobelprize.org'', (December 11, 1964) * War bred the strangest [[Paranoia|paranoias]] from its soup of [[Deception|deceptions]], [[misinformation]], misdirection, and poor communication. And lack of any cultural basis for understanding. ** [[w:Donald Kingsbury|Donald Kingsbury]], ''The Survivor'' (1991), reprinted in [[w:David G. Hartwell|David G. Hartwell]] (ed.), ''[[w:The Space Opera Renaissance|The Space Opera Renaissance]],'' {{ISBN|0-765-30618-2}}, p. 692 * Soon the men of the column began to see that though the scarlet line was slender, it was very rigid and exact. ** [[w:Alexander William Kinglake|Alexander William Kinglake]], ''Invasion of the Crimea'', Volume III, p. 455. "The spruce beauty of the slender red line." Kinglake—Invasion of the Crimea, Volume III, p. 248. Ed. 6. * For heathen heart that puts her trust<br> In reeking tube and iron shard—<br>All valiant dust that builds on dust,<br> And guarding calls not Thee to guard—<br>For frantic boast and foolish word,<br>Thy mercy on Thy People, Lord! ** [[Rudyard Kipling]], ''Recessional''. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * Four things greater than all things are,—<br>Women and Horses and Power and War. ** [[Rudyard Kipling]], ''[[s:The Ballad of the King's Jest|The Ballad of the King's Jest]]'' (1890). * For agony and spoil<br> Of nations beat to dust,<br>For poisoned air and tortured soil<br> And cold, commanded lust,<br>And every secret woe<br> The shuddering waters saw—<br>Willed and fulfilled by high and low—<br> Let them relearn the Law. ** [[Rudyard Kipling]], ''Justice'' (Oct. 24, 1918). * But let this fact burn its way into your brain to save you from hell and rouse you for the revolution—this fact:<br />Nowhere on all that battlefield among the shattered rifles and wrecked canon, among the broken ambulances and splintered ammunition wagons, nowhere in the mire and mush of blood and sand, nowhere among the bulging and befouling carcasses of dead horses and swelling corpses of dead men and boys—nowhere could be found the torn, bloated and fly-blown carcasses of bankers, bishops, politicians, "brainy capitalists" and other elegant and eminent "very best people."<br />Well, hardly.<br />Naturally—these proud, cunning and ''intelligent'' people were not there, ''on the firing line''.<br />Listen, oh, listen—you betrayed multitude of toil-damned, war-blasted workers of all nations:<br />If the masters want blood, let them cut their own throats.<br />We don't want other people's blood and we refuse to wast our own.<br />Let those who want "great victories" ''go to the firing line and get them''.<br />If war is good enough to ''vote'' or to ''pray'' for, it is good enough to ''go to—up close'' where bayonets gleam, swords flash, canon roar, rifles clash, flesh rips, blood spurts, bones snap, brains are dashed,—''up close'' where men toil, sweat, freeze, starve, kill, groan, scream, pray, laugh, howl, curse, go mad and die,—''up close'' where the flesh and blood of betrayed men and boys are pounded into a red mush of mud by shrieking canon balls, by the iron-shod hoofs of galloping horses and the steel-bound wheels of rushing gun-trucks.<br />"What is war?"<br />They say "War is Hell."<br />Well, then, let those who want hell, go to hell. ** [[w:George Ross Kirkpatrick|George Ross Kirkpatrick]], ''[https://books.google.com/books?id=JTBUggGDnmAC War--what For?]'' (1914) pp. 27-28 * You are ordered abroad as a soldier of [[George V of the United Kingdom|the King]] to help our French comrades against the invasion of a common enemy. You have to perform a task which will need your courage, your energy, and your patience. Remember that the honor of the British Army depends on your individual conduct. It will be your duty not only to set an example of discipline and perfect steadiness under fire, but also to maintain the most friendly relations with those whom you are helping in this struggle…. Do your duty bravely. Fear God and honor the King. ** [[w:Herbert Kitchener|Herbert Kitchener]], 1st Earl Kitchener, a printed address to the British Expeditionary Force, carried by the soldiers on the Continent. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * War is itself a political act with primarily political objects and under the American form of government political officials must necessarily direct its general course. ** [[w:Dudley Wright Knox|Dudley Wright Knox]], ''A History of the United States Navy'' (1936), chapter 24, final paragraph, p. 274. * We are all saddened by the [[W:Barbarism|barbarism]] of humanity. The most negative manifestation of [[free will]] is seen in outbursts of war. ** [[Koot Hoomi|Koot Hoomi]], in ''Supermundane'', [[Agni Yoga]] (1938) * Those who ignite wars should think about the abyss into which they thrust the planet. Even a war that afflicts only a few countries promotes the destruction of the entire planet. No one thinks of war as a planetary sickness, yet one can see what improvements in life are cut short everywhere in the world by even local wars. Such convulsions are not needed when steady progress is possible. 515. ** [[Koot Hoomi|Koot Hoomi]], in ''Supermundane'', [[Agni Yoga|''Agni Yoga'']] (1938) * How is the world ruled and led to war? Diplomats lie to journalists and believe these lies when they see them in print. ** [[Karl Kraus]], ''Half-Truths and One-And-A-Half Truths: Selected Aphorisms'', as translated by Harry Zohn, Engendra Press: 1976, p. 81. * Every single war ever fought anywhere had spawned shadow battles between the warring governments and their own citizens. Black markets, war profiteering, blockade runners, quislings, conscientious objectors, organized crime and its less organized siblings. False government contracts, false traveling papers, false bills of lading, false passenger lists, and, for the really sophisticated, falsifying [[w:Database|deebee]] programs. All it took were contacts and money. ** [[Nancy Kress]], ''Probability Space'' (2002), <small> {{ISBN|0-765-34514-5}} </small>, Chapter 3 (p. 45) * "…wars of the 17th century on the European continent 3 million people perished, in the 18th century and in the 19th century - 5.5. million...[T]he First World War wiped out 10 million lives, the Second - over 50 million. ** V.N. Kudriavtsev, ''The Nuremberg Trial and Problems of Strengthening the International Legal Order, in'' THE NUREMBERG TRIAL AND INTERNATIONAL LAW 1-2 (Ginsburgs & Kudriavtsev eds,m 1990).; as quoted in [https://books.google.com/books?id=ThfzGvSvQ2UC&hl=en ''War Crimes Against Women: Prosecution in International War Crimes Tribunals''], by Kelly Dawn Askin, (1997). Martinus Nijhoff Publishers. ISBN 978-90-411-0486-1. p.12 * Glory was the lie concocted to inspire innocent fools to war. ** [[w:Paul Kupperberg|Paul Kupperberg]], ''Walk Upon the Waters'' in [[w:Brian Thomsen|Brian Thomsen]] & [[w:Martin H. Greenberg|Martin H. Greenberg]] (eds.), ''Oceans of Magic'' (2001), p. 234 == L == [[File:4th_United_States_Colored_Infantry.jpg|thumb|The sword was given for this, that none need live a slave.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Marcus Annaeus Lucanus]]}}]] * War will not end until all of the violent people are killed. ** [[w:Roger Langbecker|Roger Langbecker]], ''Czarmangis''. * Friendship itself prompts it (Government of the U. S.) to say to the Imperial Government (Germany) that repetition by the commanders of German naval vessels of acts in contravention of those rights (neutral) must be regarded by the Government of the United States, when they affect American citizens, as deliberately unfriendly. ** Secretary of War Lansing. Reply to the German Lusitania Note (July 21, 1915). Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * There is no such thing as an inevitable war. If war comes it will be from failure of human wisdom. ** [[Bonar Law]]. Speech before the Great War. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * I have always believed that success would be the inevitable result if the two services, the army and the navy, had fair play, and if we sent the right man to fill the right place. ** [[w:Austen Henry Layard|Austen Henry Layard]], ''Speech in Parliament'' (Jan. 15, 1855). * It is well that war is so terrible, otherwise we should grow too fond of it. ** [[Robert E. Lee]], comment to James Longstreet, on seeing a Union charge repelled in the Battle of Fredericksburg (13 December 1862). * When Greeks joined Greeks, then was the tug of war! ** [[Nathaniel Lee]], ''The Rival Queens; or, Alexander the Great'', Act IV, scene 2. * Art, thou hast many infamies,<br>But not an infamy like this.<br>O snap the fife and still the drum<br>And show the monster as she is. ** [[w:Richard Le Gallienne|Richard Le Gallienne]], ''The Illusion of War''. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * We went over there and fought the war and eventually burned down every town in North Korea anyway, someway or another, and some in South Korea too. ** [[Curtis LeMay]], in ''Strategic Air Warfare: An Interview with Generals'' (1988) * I want you to make love, not war, I know you've heard it before. ** [[John Lennon]], in his final fading statement in "[[w:Mind Games (song)|Mind Games]]" on ''[[w:Mind Games|Mind Games]]'' (1973). * O, God assist our side: at least, avoid assisting the enemy and leave the rest to me. ** [[w:Leopold I, Prince of Anhalt-Dessau|Prince Leopold of Anhalt-Dessau]], according to [[Thomas Carlyle]], ''Life of Frederick the Great'', Book XV, Chapter XIV. * The ballot is stronger than the bullet. ** [[Abraham Lincoln]] (1856). Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60 * We, on our side, are praying Him to give us victory, because we believe we are right; but those on the other side pray to Him, look for victory, believing they are right. What must He think of us? ** [[Abraham Lincoln]], in 1861, as quoted in [https://books.google.com/books?id=3WMDAAAAYAAJ&pg=PA124 ''The Life of Abraham Lincoln: Drawn from Original Sources''] (1900), Volume 3, New York: Lincoln History Society, p. 124 * Armies, the world over, destroy enemies' property when they can not use it; and even destroy their own to keep it from the enemy. Civilized belligerents do all in their power to help themselves, or hurt the enemy, except a few things regarded as barbarous or cruel. Among the exceptions are the massacre of vanquished foes, and non-combatants, male and female. ** [[Abraham Lincoln]], [http://quod.lib.umich.edu/l/lincoln/lincoln6/1:849?rgn=div1;view=fulltext letter to James C. Conkling] (26 August 1863) * One month too late. ** Von Linsingen's remark when told of Italy's declaration of war against Austria in Great War. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * To arms! to arms! ye brave!<br> Th' avenging sword unsheathe,<br>March on! march on! all hearts resolved<br> On victory or death! ** [[Joseph Rouget de Lisle]], ''The Marseilles Hymn''. 7th stanza by Du Bois. See Figaro, Literary Supplement, Aug. 7, 1908. * At the Captain's mess, in the Banquet-hall,<br>Sat feasting the officers, one and all—<br>Like a sabre-blow, like the swing of a sail,<br>One raised his glass, held high to hail,<br>Sharp snapped like the stroke of a rudder's play,<br>Spoke three words only: "To the day!" ** [[Ernest Lissauer]], ''Hassgesang gegen England'' (Song of Hate against England). Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * Thus, if there is anyone who is confident that he can advise me as to the best advantage of the state in this campaign which I am about to conduct, let him not refuse his services to the state, but come with me into Macedonia. I will furnish him with his sea-passage, with a horse, a tent, and even travel-funds. If anyone is reluctant to do this and prefers the leisure of the city to the hardships of campaigning, let him not steer the ship from on shore. ** [[Livy]], book 44, chapter 22; reported in ''Livy'', trans. Alfred C. Schlesinger (1951), vol. 13, p. 161. Lucius Aemilius Paulus is addressing the people at a public meeting. President Franklin Roosevelt attacked armchair generals by citing this and preceding passages at his press conference (March 17, 1942): "Being of an historical turn of mind, [I figured] that probably some poor devil had gone through this process of annoyance in past years, some previous time in history, so I went quite far back and I found [Lucius Aemilius] … it sounds as if it were written in 1942". ''The Public Papers and Addresses of Franklin D. Roosevelt, 1942'' (1950), p. 166. * The great war of to-day is a war for bread and butter ** [[Belva Ann Lockwood]] "Growth of Peace Principles" (1895) * Ez fer war, I call it murder,—<br> Ther you hev it plain and flat;<br>I don't want to go no furder<br> Than my Testyment fer that. ** [[James Russell Lowell]], ''The Biglow Papers'' (1848), No. 1. * We kind o' thought Christ went agin war an' pillage. ** [[James Russell Lowell]], ''The Biglow Papers'' (1848), No. 3. * Not but wut abstract war is horrid,<br> I sign to thet with all my heart,—<br>But civilysation doos git forrid<br> Sometimes, upon a powder-cart. ** [[James Russell Lowell]], ''The Biglow Papers'' (1848), No. 7. * War is a survival among us from savage times and affects now chiefly the boyish and unthinking element of the nation. ** [[Percival Lowell]], ''Mars and its Canals'' (1906), Chapter XXXII, Conclusion. * God has chosen little nations as the vessels by which He carries His choicest wines to the lips of humanity to rejoice their hearts, to exalt their vision, to strengthen their faith, and if we had stood by when two little nations ([[Belgium]] and [[Serbia|Servia]]) were being crushed and broken by the brutal hands of barbarians, our shame would have rung down the everlasting ages. ** [[Lloyd George]], speech at Queen's Hall (Sept., 1914). Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * The stern hand of Fate has scourged us to an elevation where we can see the everlasting things that matter for a nation—the great peaks we had forgotten, of Honour, Duty, Patriotism, and clad in glittering white, the pinnacles of [[Sacrifice]], pointing like a rugged finger to Heaven. We shall descend into the valley again; but as long as the men and women of this generation last, they will carry in their hearts the image of these mighty peaks, whose foundations are not shaken, though Europe rock and sway in the convulsions of a great war. ** [[Lloyd George]], speech at Queen's Hall (Sept., 1914). Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * Too late in moving here, too late in arriving there, too late in coming to this decision, too late in starting with enterprises, too late in preparing. In this war the footsteps of the allied forces have been dogged by the mocking specter of Too Late! and unless we quicken our movements, [[damnation]] will fall on the sacred cause for which so much gallant blood has flowed. ** [[Lloyd George]], speech, in the House of Commons (Dec. 20, 1915). Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * The last £100,000,000 will win. ** [[Lloyd George]], when Chancellor of the Exchequer, at the beginning of the war. 1914. See ''Everybody's Magazine'' (Jan., 1918), p. 8. * Is it, O man, with such discordant noises,<br> With such accursed instruments as these,<br>Thou drownest Nature's sweet and kindly voices,<br> And jarrest the celestial harmonies? ** [[Henry Wadsworth Longfellow]], ''Arsenal at Springfield'', Stanza 8. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * ''Ultima ratio regum.'' ** Last argument of kings. [Cannon.] ** [[Louis XIV]] ordered this engraved on cannon. Removed by the National Assembly, Aug. 19, 1790. Found on cannon in Mantua. (1613). On Prussian guns of today. Motto for pieces of ordnance in use as early as 1613. Buchmann—Geflügelte Wörte. Ultima razon de reges. (War). The ultimate reason of kings. Calderon. Don't forget your great guns, which are the most respectable arguments of the rights of kings. Frederick the Great to his brother Henry. April 21, 1759. * The Campbells are comin'. ** [[Robert T. S. Lowell]], ''The Relief of Lucknow''. Poem on same story written by Henry Morford, Alexander Maclagan. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * ''Pourquoi cette trombe enflammée<br>Qui vient foudroyer l'univers?<br>Cet embrasement de l'enfer?<br>Ce tourbillonnement d'armées<br>Par mille milliers de milliers?<br>—C'est pour un chiffon de papier.'' ** For what this whirlwind all aflame?<br> This thunderstroke of hellish ire,<br> Setting the universe afire?<br> While millions upon millions came<br> Into a very storm of war?<br> For a scrap of paper. ** [[w:Hyacinthe Loyson|Père Hyacinthe Loyson]], ''Pour un Chiffon de Papier''; translation by Edward Brabrook. In Notes and Queries, Jan. 6, 1917, p. 5. * ''Alta sedent civilis vulnera dextræ.'' ** The wounds of civil war are deeply felt. ** [[Marcus Annaeus Lucanus]], ''Pharsalia'', I. 32. * ''Datos, ne quisquam seruiat, enses.'' ** '''The sword was given for this, that none need live a slave.''' *** [[Marcus Annaeus Lucanus]], ''Pharsalia'', Book IV, line 579. * ''Omnibus hostes<br>Reddite nos populis—civile avertite bellum.'' ** Make us enemies of every people on earth, but prevent a civil war. ** [[Marcus Annaeus Lucanus]], ''Pharsalia'', II. 52. * ''Non tam portas intrare patentes<br>Quam fregisse juvat; nec tam patiente colono<br>Arva premi, quam si ferro populetur et igni;<br>Concessa pudet ire via.'' ** The conqueror is not so much pleased by entering into open gates, as by forcing his way. He desires not the fields to be cultivated by the patient husbandman; he would have them laid waste by fire and sword. It would be his shame to go by a way already opened. ** [[Marcus Annaeus Lucanus]], ''Pharsalia'', II. 443. * 'Aig [F.-M. Sir Douglas Haig] 'e don't say much; 'e don't, so to say, say nothin'; but what 'e don't say don't mean nothin', not 'arf. But when 'e do say something—my Gawd! ** [[E. V. Lucas]], ''Boswell of Baghdad''. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * Enormous masses of ammunition, such as the human mind had never imagined before the war, were hurled upon the bodies of men who passed a miserable existence scattered about in mud-filled shell-holes. ** Quoted in "My War Memories, 1914-1918" - by [[Erich Ludendorff]] - 1919 * Here I stand. I can do no other. God help me. Amen. ** [[Martin Luther]]. End of his speech at the Diet of Worms. April 18, 1521. Inscribed on his monument at Worms. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * I beg that the small steamers … be spared if possible, or else sunk without a trace being left. (Spurlos versenkt). ** Count Karl Von Luxburg, Chargé d'Affaires at Buenos Ayres. Telegram to the Berlin Foreign Office, May 19, 1917. Also same July 9, 1917, referring to Argentine ships. Cablegrams disclosed by Secretary Lansing as sent from the German Legation in Buenos Ayres by way of the Swedish Legation to Berlin. "If neutrals were destroyed so that they disappeared without leaving any trace, terror would soon keep seamen and travelers away from the danger zones." Prof. Oswald Flamm in the Berlin Woche. Cited in N. Y. Times, May 15, 1917. == M == [[File:The Final Stand at Bladensburg, Maryland, 24 August 1814.png|thumb|[P]eace is better than war, war is better than tribute.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[James Madison]]}}]] [[File:Cogordan - Joseph de Maistre, 1894 (page 12 crop).jpg|thumb|War is divine in itself, since it is a law of the world. War is divine through its consequences of a supernatural nature which are as much general as particular, consequences little known because little studied, but which are nevertheless incontestable. War is divine in the mysterious [[glory]] that surrounds it and in the no less inexplicable attraction that draws us to it. War is divine by the manner in which it breaks out. ~ [[Joseph de Maistre]]]] [[File:US-NEW-CLASS-A-UNIFORM.png|thumb|Step by step, heart to heart. Left, right, left. We all fall down, like toy soldiers. Bit by bit torn apart, we never win, but the battle wages on for toy soldiers. ~ [[w:Martika|Martika]]]] [[File:Gustave de Molinari.jpg|thumb|War has been the [[necessary]] and [[inevitable]] [[consequence]] of the establishment of a [[monopoly]] on [[security]].<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Gustave de Molinari]]}}]] * I know war as few other men now living know it, and nothing to me is more revolting. I have long advocated its complete abolition, as its very destructiveness on both friend and foe has rendered it useless as a means of settling international disputes. ** [[Douglas MacArthur]], speech to a joint session of Congress after having been relieved of command in Korea by [[w:Harry S Truman|Truman]], 19 April 1951 * In war there is no substitute for victory. ** [[Douglas MacArthur]], speech to Congress, 19 April 1951 * That's the way it is in war. You win or lose, live or die—and the difference is just an eyelash. ** [[Douglas MacArthur]], ''Reminiscences'' (1964), p. 145 * Oh! wherefore come ye forth in triumph from the North,<br> With your hands and your feet, and your raiment all red?<br>And wherefore doth your rout send forth a joyous shout?<br> And whence be the grapes of the wine-press which ye tread? ** [[Thomas Babington Macaulay, 1st Baron Macaulay]], ''The Battle of Naseby''. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60 * The essence of war is violence. Moderation in war is imbecility. ** Attributed to Lord Fisher during the great War. Taken from Macaulay's Essay on Lord Nugent's Memorials of Hampden. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60 * [T]hat one should never permit a disorder to persist in order to avoid war, for war is not avoided thereby but merely deferred to one's own disadvantage... ** [[Niccolò Machiavelli]], ''The Prince'', Daniel Donno translation, Bantam, 1981, pp. 20, 82; Italian text, Il Principe, Nuova edizione a cura di Giorgio Inglese, Giulio Einaudi editore s.p.a., Torino, 2013 e 2014, pp.24, 171 * Di qui nacque che tutti li profeti armati vinsero, e li disarmati rovinarono. ** Hence it happened that all the armed prophets conquered, all the unarmed perished. ** [[Niccolò Machiavelli]], ''Il Principe'', C. 6 * War in men's eyes shall be<br>A monster of iniquity<br> In the good time coming.<br>Nations shall not quarrel then,<br> To prove which is the stronger;<br>Nor slaughter men for glory's sake;—<br> Wait a little longer. ** [[Charles Mackay]], ''The Good Time Coming''. * The warpipes are pealing, "The Campbells are coming."<br> They are charging and cheering. O dinna ye hear it? ** [[W:Alexander Maclagan|Alexander Maclagan]], ''Jennie's Dream''. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * ''J'y suis, et j'y reste.'' ** Here I am and here I stay. ** MacMahon, before Malakoff. Gabriel Hanotaux, in ''Contemporary France'', says that MacMahon denied this. Marquis de Castellane claimed the phrase in the Revue Hebdomodaire, May, 1908. Contradicted by L'Éclair, which quoted a letter by Gen. Biddulph to Germain Bapst, in which Gen. Biddulph tells that MacMahon said to him "Que j'y suis, et que j'y reste". * War contains so much folly, as well as wickedness, that much is to be hoped from the progress of reason; and if any thing is to be hoped, every thing ought to be tried. ** [[James Madison]], "Universal Peace", National Gazette (February 2, 1792), in Gaillard Hunt, ed., ''The Writings of James Madison'' vol. 6 (1906), p. 88–89. These words are inscribed in the Madison Memorial Hall, Library of Congress James Madison Memorial Building. * '''Of all the enemies to public liberty war is, perhaps, the most to be dreaded, because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.''' War is the parent of armies; from these proceed debts and taxes; and armies, and debts, and taxes are the known instruments for bringing the many under the domination of the few. In war, too, the discretionary power of the Executive is extended; its influence in dealing out offices, honors, and emoluments is multiplied; and all the means of seducing the minds, are added to those of subduing the force, of the people. The same malignant aspect in republicanism may be traced in the inequality of fortunes, and the opportunities of fraud, growing out of a state of war, and in the degeneracy of manners and of morals engendered by both. '''No nation could preserve its freedom in the midst of continual warfare.''' ** [[James Madison]], "Political Observations" (20 April 1795); also in ''[http://archive.org/stream/lettersandotherw04madiiala#page/490/mode/2up Letters and Other Writings of James Madison]'' (1865), Vol. IV, p. 491 * No nation could preserve its freedom in the midst of continual warfare. ** [[James Madison]], reported in Josiah Hotchkiss Gilbert, ''Dictionary of Burning Words of Brilliant Writers'' (1895), p. 614. * Unhappily, [[history]] proves that war is, in a certain sense, the habitual state of mankind, which is to say that human blood must flow without interruption somewhere or other on the globe, and that for every nation, [[peace]] is only a respite. ** [[Joseph de Maistre]], ''[[Considerations on France]]'' (1796), Ch. III * Now the real ''fruits'' of human nature – the arts, sciences, great enterprises, lofty conceptions, manly [[virtue]]s – are due especially to the state of war. […] In a word, we can say that [[blood]] is the manure of the plant we call ''[[genius]].'' ** [[Joseph de Maistre]], ''[[Considerations on France]]'' (1796), Ch. III * '''War is divine in itself, since it is a law of the world. War is divine through its consequences of a supernatural nature which are as much general as particular, consequences little known because little studied, but which are nevertheless incontestable. War is divine in the mysterious [[glory]] that surrounds it and in the no less inexplicable attraction that draws us to it. War is divine by the manner in which it breaks out.''' ** [[Joseph de Maistre]], ''St. Petersburg Dialogues'' (1821), p. 218 * Opinion is so powerful in war that it can alter the nature of the same event and give it two different names, for no reason other than its own whim. A general throws his men between two enemy armies and he writes to his king, ''I have split him, he has lost.'' His opponent writes to his king, ''He has put himself between two fires, he is lost.'' Which of the two is mistaken? Whoever is seized by the ''cold goddess.'' Assuming that all things, especially size, are at least approximately equal, the only difference between the two positions is a purely moral one. '''It is [[imagination]] that loses battles.''' ** [[Joseph de Maistre]], ''St. Petersburg Dialogues'' (1821), p. 221 * He says, “No ruler in the history of the world has ever been able to afford a war. They’re not affordable things. No prince ever says, ‘This is my budget, so this is the kind of war I can have.’ You enter into one and it uses up all the money you’ve got, and then it breaks you and bankrupts you.” ** [[Hilary Mantel]], ''[[w:Wolf Hall|Wolf Hall]]'' (2009), Part 3, Section 1, <small> {{ISBN|978-0-312-42998-0}}, </small> p. 168 * The enemy advances, we retreat; the enemy camps, we harass; the enemy tires, we attack; the enemy retreats, we pursue. ** [[Mao Zedong]], letter (January 5, 1930); in ''Selected Military Writings of Mao Tse-Tung'' (1966), p. 72. Mao was quoting from a letter from the Front Committee to the Central Committee, on guerrilla tactics. * ''Marlbrough s'en va-t-en guerre,<br>Mironton, mironton, mirontaine,<br>Marlbrough s'en va-t-en guerre,<br>Ne sait quand reviendra.'' ** Marlbrough (or Marlebrouck) S'en va-t-en Guerre. Old French Song. Attributed to Mme. de Sévigné. Found in Rondes avec Jeux et Petites Chansons traditionnelles, Pub. by Augener. Said to refer to Charles, Third Duke of Marlborough's unsuccessful expedition against Cherbourg or Malplaquet, probably the latter. (1709). See King's Classical Quotations. Air probably sung by the Crusaders of Godfrey de Bouillon, known in America "We won't go home until morning." Sung today in the East, tradition giving it that the ancestors of the Arabs learned it at the battle of Mansurah, April 5, 1250. The same appears in a Basque Pastorale; also in Chansons de Geste. Air known to the Egyptians. * The only hope for peace is to teach people who are full of pep and unbound force to enjoy being bound--enjoy submission to kind authority, wise authority, not merely tolerate such submission. Wars will only cease when humans enjoy being bound. ** [[William Moulton Marston]] as quoted in ''The Secret History of Wonder Woman'', (2014) by Jill Lepore, p. 238. * ''Cineri gloria sera venit''. (Also given as ''Cineri gloria sera sunt'' and ''Cineri gloria sera est''.) ** To the ashes of the dead, glory comes too late. ** [[Martial]], Epigrams (80-104 AD) * Step by step. Heart to heart. Left, right, left. We all fall down, like toy soldiers. Bit by bit torn apart, we never win, but the battle wages on for toy soldiers. ** [[w:Martika|Martika]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9mW4qmh8_9g "Toy Soldiers"] (1988), ''Martika'' * War is not the greatest [[evil]], though it is an evil. The open struggle of the battlefield is not the greatest evil; worse is that chronic condition of [[society]] which makes possible the [[violence]] of the stronger to the weaker; worse than war are insincerity and [[falsehood]]; worse is that [[egotism]] hidden under the mask of [[humanity]] and nobility in mind; worse is [[cowardice]] passing itself off as [[fortitude]]; worse is [[sophistry]] deceiving the sensible and wise. [[Death]] is not worse than a dishonourable life which destroys its own [[soul]] as well as that of its neighbour. **{{cite journal | last = Masaryk | first = Tomáš Garrigue | authorlink=Tomáš Garrigue Masaryk | date = 2017-03-29 | title = A Philosophy of Pacifism | journal = The New Europe | volume = 2 | issue = 24 | pages =342–350 | issn = | doi = | id = | url = https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/The_New_Europe/Volume_2/A_Philosophy_of_Pacifism }} * And silence broods like spirit on the brae,<br> A glimmering moon begins, the moonlight runs<br>Over the grasses of the ancient way<br> Rutted this morning by the passing guns. ** [[John Masefield]], August 14—In Philip the King. * For a flying foe<br>Discreet and provident conquerors build up<br>A bridge of gold. ** [[Philip Massinger]], ''The Guardian'', Act I, scene 1. * Some undone widow sits upon mine arm,<br>And takes away the use of it; and my sword,<br>Glued to my scabbard with wronged orphan's tears,<br>Will not be drawn. ** [[Philip Massinger]], ''A New Way to Pay Old Debts'', Act V, scene 1. * Wars and rumours of wars. ** Matthew, XXIV. 6. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * Only a fool or a fraud talks tough or romantically about war. ** [[John McCain]], quoted in ''Newsweek'' (23 June 2008), p. 21. * All quiet along the Potomac. ** Proverbial in 1861–62. Supposed to have originated with Gen. McClellan. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * How do wars begin? Through affront, through bravado, through stupidity or overconfidence, through sacred purpose or greed. ** [[Ian McDonald]], ''Verthandi’s Ring'' (2007) in [[w:Gardner Dozois|Gardner Dozois]] & [[w:Jonathan Strahan|Jonathan Strahan]] (eds.) ''[[w:The New Space Opera|The New Space Opera]]'' (mass market paperback edition, {{ISBN|978-0-06-135041-2}}), p. 43 * There's some say that we wan, some say that they wan,<br> Some say that nane wan at a', man,<br>But one thing I'm sure that at Sheriff-Muir,<br> A battle there was which I saw, man.<br>And we ran and they ran, and they ran and we ran,<br> And we ran, and they ran awa', man. ** [[Murdoch McLennan]], ''Sheriff-Muir''. (An indecisive battle, Nov. 13, 1715). * [W]ar is so complex, it’s beyond the ability of the [[human]] [[mind]] to comprehend allthe variables. Our [[judgement]], our [[understanding]], are not adequate. ** [[Robert McNamara|Robert McNamara]] in ''The Fog of War - Eleven Lessons from the Life of Robert S. McNamara'', by Errol Morris (director), Columbia Tristar, 2004; as quoted in Antoine Bosquet, [https://www.academia.edu/390023/Cyberneticizing_the_American_War_Machine_Science_and_Computers_in_the_Cold_War “Cyberneticizing the American War Machine: Science and Computers in the Cold War”], p. 95. * There is war in the skies! ** [[Owen Meredith]] (Lord Lytton), ''Lucile'' (1860), Part I, Canto IV, Stanza 12. * [[City]] [[fighting]] also places enormous [[challenges]] on ground forces. Fighting in urban terrain generally favors the defenders, who can place [[w:Sniper|snipers]] in [[w:windows|windows]] and hide down narrow [[w:Alleys|alleys]]. <br> Even with precision munitions, it is difficult to use air and artillery power in a dense urban battle. Much of the fighting falls on the shoulders of the individual [[soldiers]], who have to clear the city block by block. ** Jim Michaels, [https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2017/03/29/united-states-mosul-isis-deadly-combat-world-war-ii/99787764/ “Iraqi forces in Mosul see deadliest urban combat since World War II”], ''USA Today'', ( March 29, 2017). * War challenges virtually every other institution of society—the justice and equity of its economy, the adequacy of its political systems, the energy of its productive plant, the bases, wisdom and purposes of its foreign policy. ** [[Walter Millis]], ''The Faith of an American'' (1941), p. 27. * What though the field be lost?<br>All is not lost; the unconquerable will,<br>And study of revenge, immortal hate<br>And courage never to submit or yield,<br>And what is else not to be overcome. ** [[John Milton]], ''[[Paradise Lost]]'' (1667; 1674), Book I, line 105. * Heard so oft<br>In worst extremes, and on the perilous edge<br>Of battle. ** [[John Milton]], ''[[Paradise Lost]]'' (1667; 1674), Book I, line 275. * Th' imperial ensign, which, full high advanc'd,<br>Shone like a meteor, streaming to the wind.<br>With gems and golden lustre rich emblazed,<br>Seraphic arms and trophies. ** [[John Milton]], ''[[Paradise Lost]]'' (1667; 1674), Book I, line 536. * My sentence is for open war. ** [[John Milton]], ''[[Paradise Lost]]'' (1667; 1674), Book II, line 51. * Others more mild,<br>Retreated in a silent valley, sing<br>With notes angelical to many a harp<br>Their own heroic deeds and hapless fall<br>By doom of battle. ** [[John Milton]], ''[[Paradise Lost]]'' (1667; 1674), Book II, line 546. * Black it stood as night,<br>Fierce as ten furies, terrible as hell,<br>And shook a dreadful dart. ** [[John Milton]], ''[[Paradise Lost]]'' (1667; 1674), Book II, line 670. * So frown'd the mighty combatants, that hell<br>Grew darker at their frown. ** [[John Milton]], ''[[Paradise Lost]]'' (1667; 1674), Book II, line 719. * Arms on armour clashing bray'd<br>Horrible discord, and the madding wheels<br>Of brazen chariots ray'd; dire was the noise<br>Of conflict. ** [[John Milton]], ''[[Paradise Lost]]'' (1667; 1674), Book VI, line 209. * To overcome in battle, and subdue<br>Nations, and bring home spoils with infinite<br>Man-slaughter, shall be held the highest pitch<br>Of human glory. ** [[John Milton]], ''[[Paradise Lost]]'' (1667; 1674), Book XI, line 691. * The brazen throat of war. ** [[John Milton]], ''[[Paradise Lost]]'' (1667; 1674), Book XI, line 713. * No war or battle sound<br>Was heard the world around. ** [[John Milton]], ''Hymn of Christ's Nativity'', line 31. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * War prosperity is like the prosperity that an earthquake or a plague brings. ** [[Ludwig von Mises]], Nation, State and Economy (1919), p. 154. * In addition to [[w:Economic mobilization|economic]] and military {{w|mobilization}}, wartime measures typically encourage a high degree of political, social and intellectual [[conformity]]. The general idea is that, in the face of an existential challenge from a vicious [[enemy]], {{w|criticism of the government}} ought to cease. The [[media]] tends to become more [[patriotic]], as do former {{w|political partisans}}. ** [[Pankaj Mishra]], ''[https://theprint.in/opinion/world-is-fighting-a-war-against-covid-19-except-its-not-actually-one/417615/ From Modi to Johnson, leaders are using the pandemic to suppress their critics]'' (9 May, 2020), ''{{w|ThePrint}}'' *<p>Partout, à l’origine des sociétés, on voit donc les races les plus fortes, les plus guerrières, s’attribuer le gouvernement exclusif des sociétés&#8239;; partout on voit ces races s’attribuer, dans certaines circonscriptions plus ou moins étendues, selon leur nombre et leur force, le monopole de la sécurité.</p><p>Et, ce monopole étant excessivement profitable par sa nature même, partout on voit aussi les races investies du monopole de la sécurité se livrer à des luttes acharnées, afin d’augmenter l’<s></s>''étendue de leur marché,'' le nombre de leurs consommateurs ''forcés,'' partant la quotité de leurs bénéfices.</p><p>'''La guerre était la conséquence nécessaire, inévitable de l’établissement du monopole de la sécurité.'''</p><p>Comme une autre conséquence inévitable, ce monopole devait engendrer tous les autres monopoles.</p> ** [[Gustave de Molinari]], [[s:fr:De la production de la sécurité#VIII|§VIII]] de «&#8239;[[s:fr:De la production de la sécurité|De la production de la sécurité]]&#8239;», ''[[w:Journal des économistes|Journal des économistes]]'' 22, no. 95 (Paris: Chez Guillaumin et c<small>^e</small>, 15 Février 1849), [[:fr:s:Page:Journal des économistes, 1849, T22.djvu/290|p. 282]].&nbsp; Cf. [[:fr:s:Page:Journal des économistes, 1849, T22.djvu/297|pp. 289]]–[[:fr:s:Page:Journal des économistes, 1849, T22.djvu/298|280]]. ** Everywhere, when [[societies]] originate, we see the [[strongest]], most [[war]]like races seizing the exclusive [[government]] of the society.&nbsp; Everywhere we see these races seizing a [[monopoly]] on [[security]] within certain more or less extensive boundaries, depending on their number and strength.</p><p>And, this monopoly being, by its very [[nature]], extraordinarily [[profitable]], everywhere we see the races invested with the monopoly on security devoting themselves to bitter struggles, in order to <!--Page 35-->add to ''the extent of their [[market]]'', the number of their ''[[forced]]'' [[consumers]], and hence the amount of their gains.</p><p>'''[[War]] has been the [[necessary]] and [[inevitable]] [[consequence]] of the establishment of a [[monopoly]] on [[security]].'''</p><p>Another inevitable consequence has been that this monopoly has engendered all other monopolies.</p> *** [[Gustave de Molinari]], tr. J.&nbsp;Huston McCulloch, [[s:The Production of Security/5|§V]] of ''[[The Production of Security]]'' (Auburn, AL: Ludwig von Mises Institute, 2009; orig. 1849), [[s:Page:The Production of Security.pdf/35|pp. 34]]–[[s:Page:The Production of Security.pdf/36|35]].&nbsp; Cf. [[s:Page:The Production of Security.pdf/60|p. 59]]. * In the wars of the European powers in matters relating to themselves we have never taken any part, nor does it comport with our policy so to do. It is only when our rights are invaded or seriously menaced that we resent injuries or make preparation for our defence. ** [[James Monroe]], Annual Message. Dec. 2, 1823. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * War hath no fury like a non-combatant. ** [[w:Charles Edward Montague|C. E, Montague]], ''Disenchantment'' (1922). Quoted in Charlton, James,''The Military Quotation Book: More Than 1,100 of the Best Quotations About War, Leadership, Courage, Victory, and Defeat.'' St. Martin’s Press, New York, 2013. (p. 168); also quoted in Heinl, Jr., Robert Debs, ''Dictionary of Military and Naval Quotations'', Naval Institute Press, Annapolis, MD, 2014 (pg. 100). * Most of the people who get sent to die in wars are young men who've got a lot of energy and would probably rather, in a better world, be putting that energy into copulation rather than going over there and blowing some other young man's guts out. ** [[Alan Moore]], "The Craft" - interview with Daniel Whiston, ''Engine Comics'' (January 2005) * Thrilled ye ever with the story<br>How on stricken fields of glory<br>Men have stood beneath the murderous iron hail! ** [[W:Henry Morford|Henry Morford]], ''Coming of the Bagpipes to Lucknow''. Poem on same story written by R. T. S. Lowell and Alexander Maclagan. * How stupid are all who deny [[hope]]! How [[Blindness|blind]] are those who affirm the advantage of wars! ** [[Morya]], ' Hierarchy, 390, (1931) * Cooperation must be accepted as the foundation of Existence. Only through the broadest cooperation is it possible to find the true relationship between the state and national labor. Otherwise the ruinous indebtedness of the state will increase. The solution of such a problem by means of war will be a sign of barbarism. One must think not about the destruction of nations, but about the improvement of the planet! ** [[Morya]], ''Aum'', 424, (1936) * We had nae heed for the parish bell,<br> But still—when the bugle cried,<br>We went for you to Neuve Chapelle,<br>We went for you to the yetts o' Hell,<br> And there for you we died! ** [[Neil Munro]], Roving Lads. (1915). == N == [[File:Agni-II missile (Republic Day Parade 2004).jpeg|thumb|right|War is the negation of truth and humanity. War may be unavoidable sometimes, but its progeny are terrible to contemplate. Not mere killing, for man must die, but the deliberate and persistent propagation of hatred and falsehood, which gradually become the normal habits of the people. [[Jawaharlal Nehru]] ]] [[File:Indian Army T-90.jpg|thumb|right|Wars are fought to gain a certain objective. War itself is not the objective; victory is not the objective; you fight to remove the obstruction that comes in the way of your objective. If you let victory become the end in itself then you've gone astray and forgotten what you were originally fighting about. ~ [[Jawaharlal Nehru]] ]] * They hold it atrocious to kill a fellow creature; therefore war is in their eyes incomprehensible and repulsive, a thing for which their language has no word. ** [[w:Fridtjof Nansen|Fridtjof Nansen]], ''Eskimo Life'' (1891), tr. William Archer (1893), [https://books.google.com/books?id=cTJCAAAAIAAJ&pg=PA162 p. 162] in the second edition (1894) * 'Tis a principle of war that when you can use the lightning, 'tis better than cannon. ** [[Napoleon I]]. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * Providence is always on the side of the last reserve. ** Attributed to Napoleon I. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * Baptism of fire. ** Napoleon III in a letter to the Empress Eugenie after Saarbruecken. Referring to the experience of the Prince Imperial. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * We have to go along a road covered with blood. We have no other alternative. For us it is a matter of life or death, a matter of living or existing. We have to be ready to face the challenges that await us. ** [[Gamal Abdel Nasser]], speech to Egypt's National Assembly, Cairo, November 6, 1969, as reported by The Washington Post, November 7, 1969, p. 1. * '''The world of today has achieved much, but for all its declared love for humanity, it has based itself far more on hatred and violence than on the virtues that make one human. War is the negation of [[truth]] and humanity. War may be unavoidable sometimes, but its progeny are terrible to contemplate. Not mere killing, for man must die, but the deliberate and persistent propagation of hatred and falsehood, which gradually become the normal habits of the people. It is dangerous and harmful to be guided in our life's course by hatreds and aversions, for they are wasteful of energy and limit and twist the mind and prevent it from perceiving truth.''' ** [[Jawaharlal Nehru]], in ''[[w:The Discovery of India|The Discovery of India]]'' (1946). * '''Wars are fought to gain a certain objective. War itself is not the objective; victory is not the objective; you fight to remove the obstruction that comes in the way of your objective. If you let victory become the end in itself then you've gone astray and forgotten what you were originally fighting about.''' ** [[Jawaharlal Nehru]], in an interview with [[w:James Cameron (journalist)|James Cameron]], ''[[w:Picture Post|Picture Post]]'' (28 October 1950). * '''If in the modern world wars have unfortunately to be fought (and they do, it seems) then they must be stopped at the first possible moment, otherwise they corrupt us, they create new problems and make our future even more uncertain. That is more than morality; it's sense.''' ** [[Jawaharlal Nehru]], in an interview with [[w:James Cameron (journalist)|James Cameron]], ''Picture Post'' (28 October 1950). * England expects every officer and man to do his duty this day. ** Nelson—Signal, Oct. 21, 1805, to the fleet before the battle of Trafalgar. As reported in the London Times, Dec. 26, 1805. England expects that every man will do his duty. As reported by William Pryce Cunby, First Lieut. of the Bellerophon. The claim is that Nelson gave the order "Nelson confides," which was changed to "England expects." See Notes and Queries, Series VI, IX, 261.283; also Nov. 4, 1905, p. 370. * You say it is the good cause that hallows even war? I tell you: it is the good war that hallows every cause. ** [[Friedrich Nietzsche]], ''Thus Spoke Zarathustra''. * What the horrors of war are, no one can imagine — they are not wounds and blood and fever, spotted and low, or dysentery, chronic and acute, cold and heat and famine — they are intoxication, ''drunken'' brutality, demoralization and disorder on the part of the inferior, jealousies, meanness, indifference, ''selfish'' brutality on the part of the superior. ** [[Florence Nightingale]] in a letter (5 May 1855), published in ''Florence Nightingale : An Introduction to Her Life and Family'' (2001), edited by Lynn McDonald, p. 141. * A riot is a spontaneous outburst. A war is subject to advance planning. ** [[Richard Nixon]], address before the National Association of Manufacturers, New York City (December 8, 1967); James J. Kilpatrick quoted a transcript in his syndicated column in ''The Evening Star'', Washington, D.C. (December 26, 1967,) p. A13. Nixon's topic was the "war in our cities". * I seriously doubt if we will ever have another war. This is probably the very last one. ** [[Richard Nixon]], on-the-record interview with C. L. Sulzberger (March 8, 1971), in ''The New York Times'' (March 10, 1971), p. 14. * A soldier of the Legion lay dying in Algiers;<br>There was lack of woman's nursing, there was dearth of woman's tears. ** [[C. E. S. Norton]] (Lady Stirling-Maxwell), ''Bingen on the Rhine''. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. == O == [[File:VietnamMural.jpg|thumb|The only certainty in war is human suffering, uncertain costs, unintended consequences. ~ [[Barack Obama]]]] [[File:SaddamStatue.jpg|thumb|We may have occasion in our lifetime to once again rise up in defense of our freedom, and pay the wages of war.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Barack Obama]]}}]] [[File:US Navy 041114-M-8205V-005 Iraqi Special Forces Soldiers assigned to the 1st Marines, patrol south clearing every house on their way through Fallujah, Iraq, during Operation Al Fajr (New Dawn).jpg|thumb|That’s what I’m opposed to. A dumb war. A rash war. A war based not on reason but on passion, not on principle but on politics. ~ [[Barack Obama]]]] * We may have occasion in our lifetime to once again rise up in defense of our freedom, and pay the wages of war. ** [[Barack Obama]], [http://www-personal.umich.edu/~mheaney/Partisan_Dynamics_of_Contention.pdf Remarks Against Going to War with Iraq] (2 October 2002). * I am not opposed to all wars. I'm opposed to dumb wars. ** [[Barack Obama]], ''The New Yorker'' (2004) *That’s what I’m opposed to. '''A dumb war. A rash war. A war based not on reason but on passion, not on principle but on politics'''. **[[Barack Obama]], [http://action.barackobama.com/page/share/2002iraqfull Remarks of Illinois State Sen. Barack Obama Against Going to War with Iraq] (2002) * '''It's easier to start wars than to end them. It is easier to blame others than to look inward.''' It is easier to see what is different about someone than to find the things we share. But we should choose the right path, not just the easy path. ** [[Barack Obama]], A New Beginning (2009) * '''The only certainty in war is human suffering, uncertain costs, unintended consequences'''. ** [[Barack Obama]], [https://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2015/08/05/remarks-president-iran-nuclear-deal Remarks by the President on the Iran Nuclear Deal at American University in Washington, D.C.] (2015) * War itself is never [[glorious]], and we must never [[trumpet]] it as such. ** [[Barack Obama]], in [http://books.google.co.in/books?id=-5FnvJEclewC&pg=PA3 Attitudes Aren't Free: Thinking Deeply About Diversity in the U.S. Armed Forces], p. 3. * '''War, no matter what our intentions may be, brings suffering and tragedy.''' ** [[Barack Obama]], [http://edition.cnn.com/2016/05/24/politics/obama-vietnam-south-china-sea/ Obama raises human rights in Vietnam, calls for 'peaceful resolution' of South China Sea disputes], ''CNN'' (24 May 2016) * Artifacts tell us that violent conflict appeared with the very first man. Our early ancestors, having learned to make blades from flint and spears from wood, used these tools not just for hunting, but against their own kind. On every continent, the history of civilization is filled with war, whether driven by scarcity of grain or hunger for gold; compelled by nationalist fervor or religious zeal. Empires have risen and fallen. Peoples have been subjugated and liberated. And at each juncture, innocents have suffered, a countless toll, their names forgotten by time. ** [[Barack Obama]], [https://obamawhitehouse.archives.gov/the-press-office/2016/05/27/remarks-president-obama-and-prime-minister-abe-japan-hiroshima-peace “Remarks by President Obama and Prime Minister Abe of Japan at Hiroshima Peace Memorial”]; Hiroshima Peace Memorial Hiroshima, Japan, (May 27, 2016) * War is a [[class conflict]], too. The rich and powerful who open war escape the consequences of their decisions. It’s not their children sent into the jaws of violence. It is often the vulnerable, the poor, & working people -who had little to no say in conflict - who pay the price. ** [[Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez]], [https://twitter.com/aoc/status/1213210234732371968 ''Twitter post''] (3 January 2020) * March to the battle-field,<br> The foe is now before us;<br>Each heart is Freedom's shield,<br> And heaven is shining o'er us. ** [[B. E. O'Meara]], ''March to the Battle-Field''. [[File:Defense.gov News Photo 100816-M-9426J-001 - U.S. Marine Corps Cpl. Daniel B. Wyss a squad leader with Golf Company 2nd Battalion 9th Marine Regiment collects information from Afghans.jpg|thumb|The essential act of war is destruction, not necessarily of human lives, but of the products of human labour. War is a way of shattering to pieces, or pouring into the stratosphere, or sinking in the depths of the sea, materials which might otherwise be used to make the masses too comfortable, and hence, in the long run, too intelligent... In the long run, a hierarchical society was only possible on a basis of poverty and ignorance.~ [[Nineteen_Eighty-Four|George Orwell, ''1984'']]]] [[File:Wp ss 20160316 0018.png|thumb|In principle the war effort is always so planned as to eat up any surplus that might exist after meeting the bare needs of the population. In practice the needs of the population are always underestimated, with the result that there is a chronic shortage of half the necessities of life; but this is looked on as an advantage. It is deliberate policy to keep even the favoured groups somewhere near the brink of hardship, because a general state of scarcity increases the importance of small privileges and thus magnifies the distinction between one group and another.... And at the same time the consciousness of being at war, and therefore in danger, makes the handing-over of all power to a small caste seem the natural, unavoidable condition of survival. ~ [[Nineteen_Eighty-Four|George Orwell, ''1984'']] ]] * War, it will be seen, is now a purely internal affair. In the past, the ruling groups of all countries, although they might recognize their common interest and therefore limit the destructiveness of war, did fight against one another, and the victor always plundered the vanquished. In our own day they are not fighting against one another at all. The war is waged by each ruling group against its own subjects, and the object of the war is not to make or prevent conquests of territory, but to keep the structure of society intact. The very word "war", therefore, has become misleading. It would probably be accurate to say that by becoming continuous war has ceased to exist. ** [[Nineteen_Eighty-Four|George Orwell, ''1984'']] * In principle the war effort is always so planned as to eat up any surplus that might exist after meeting the bare needs of the population. In practice the needs of the population are always underestimated, with the result that there is a chronic shortage of half the necessities of life; but this is looked on as an advantage. It is deliberate policy to keep even the favoured groups somewhere near the brink of hardship, because a general state of scarcity increases the importance of small privileges and thus magnifies the distinction between one group and another.... And at the same time the consciousness of being at war, and therefore in danger, makes the handing-over of all power to a small caste seem the natural, unavoidable condition of survival. ** [[Nineteen_Eighty-Four|George Orwell, ''1984'']] * A peace that was truly permanent would be the same as a permanent war. This—although the vast majority of Party members understand it only in a shallower sense—is the inner meaning of the Party slogan: War is Peace. ** [[Nineteen_Eighty-Four|George Orwell, ''1984'']] * Oceania was at war with Eurasia: therefore Oceania had always been at war with Eurasia. The enemy of the moment always represented absolute evil, and it followed that any past or future agreement with him was impossible... If the Party could thrust its hand into the past and say of this or that event, it never happened.... And if all others accepted the lie which the Party imposed -if all records told the same tale — then the lie passed into history and became [[truth]]. Who controls the past,' ran the Party slogan, 'controls the future: who controls the present controls the past. And yet the past, though of its nature alterable, never had been altered. Whatever was true now was true from everlasting to everlasting. It was quite simple. All that was needed was an unending series of victories over your own memory. 'Reality control', they called it: in Newspeak, 'doublethink'... ** [[George Orwell]], ''[[Nineteen Eighty-Four]]'' (1949), Chapter III. * There is a hill in Flanders,<br> Heaped with a thousand slain,<br>Where the shells fly night and noontide<br> And the ghosts that died in vain,<br>A little hill, a hard hill<br> To the souls that died in pain. ** [[Everard Owen]], ''Three Hills'' (1915). == P == [[File:Battle of Guiliford Courthouse 15 March 1781.jpg|thumb|Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom, must, like men, undergo the fatigues of supporting it.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Thomas Paine]]}}]] [[File:Battle of Springfield NJ 1780.jpg|thumb|We fight not to enslave, but to set a country free, and to make room upon the earth for honest men to live in.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Thomas Paine]]}}]] [[File:March to Vincennes.jpg|thumb|These are the times that try men's souls. The Summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country, but he that stands it now deserves the love and thanks of man and woman.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Thomas Paine]]}}]] [[File:BattleofLongisland.jpg|thumb|War even to the knife.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;Palafox}}]] [[File:Fall of Fort Sackville.jpg|thumb|Tyranny, like Hell, is not easily conquered; yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict the more glorious the triumph.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Thomas Paine]]}}]] [[File:US Army 52416 The American Soldier, 1781.jpg|thumb|What we obtain too cheaply we esteem too lightly; it is dearness only that gives everything its value. Heaven knows how to put a proper price upon its goods; and it would be strange indeed if so celestial an article as freedom should not be highly rated.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Thomas Paine]]}}]] [[File:041126-M-5191K-005 - Sgt Aubrey McDade, USMC.jpg|thumb|Once war consisted of individual combats between armed men...<br>{{center|~&nbsp;Kirby Page}}]] [[File:Apostle.Paul.Museum.of.the.Russian.icon.png|thumb|Though [[Christians|we]] live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. ~ [[Paul of Tarsus]]]] [[File:Ribera-platon.jpg|thumb|In order to increase their possessions they kick and butt with horns and hoofs of steel and kill each other, insatiable as they are. ~ [[Plato]]]] * Every war is the result of a difference of opinion. Maybe the biggest questions can only be answered by the greatest of conflicts. ** JC Denton, ''[[Deus Ex]]'', writen by Sheldon Pacotti. (June 17, 2000) * In war, force is used by the belligerents themselves, no effort being made to bring evildoers before a judicial body, each army acting as judge, jury and executioner. ** [[Kirby Page]], "[[Kirby_Page#.22What_is_War.3F.22_.281924.29|What is War?]]" (1924). * Once war consisted of individual combats between armed men. Later it was waged between lines of men in opposing trenches. Now it is organized slaughter of whole populations. ** [[Kirby Page]], "What is War?" (1924). * Tragic experience indicates that the most sacred obligations are utterly disregarded when their observance means losing the war. ** [[Kirby Page]], "What is War?" (1924). * War. War never changes. Since the dawn of human kind, when our ancestors first discovered the killing power of rock and bone, blood has been spilled in the name of everything: from God to justice to simple, psychotic rage. ** Emil Pagliarulo, ''[[Fallout|Fallout 3]]'', interpreted by {{w|Ron Perlman}} as the narrator. (October 2008) * Those who expect to reap the blessings of [[freedom]], must, like men, undergo the fatigues of supporting it. ** [[Thomas Paine]], as quoted in ''[[s:The Crisis No. IV|The Crisis No. IV]]'' (12 September 1777). Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * In the early ages of the world, according to the Scripture chronology there were no kings; the consequence of which was, there were no wars; it is the pride of kings which throws mankind into confusion. ** Thomas Paine, ''Common Sense'' (1776) * These are the times that try men's souls. The Summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country, but he that stands it now deserves the love and thanks of man and woman. Tyranny, like Hell, is not easily conquered; yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheaply we esteem too lightly; it is dearness only that gives everything its value. Heaven knows how to put a proper price upon its goods; and it would be strange indeed if so celestial an article as freedom should not be highly rated. ** [[Thomas Paine]], as quoted in ''[[s:The Crisis No. IV|The Crisis No. IV]]'' (12 September 1777). Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * War even to the knife. ** Palafox, the governor of Saragossa, when summoned to surrender by the French, who besieged that city in 1808. Generally quoted "At the point of the knife". * I have to say that war is man-made. It's made by men. It's their thing, it's their world, and they're terribly injured in it. They suffer terribly in it, but it's made by men. How do they come to live this way? ** [[Grace Paley]] "Of Poetry and Women and the World (1986) * Stand your ground. Don't fire unless fired upon, but if they mean to have a war, let it begin here. ** [[John Parker]]. George Stimpson, ''A Book About American History'' (1950), p. 109. Captain Parker said this to his Minutemen troops at Lexington, Massachusetts, on April 19, 1775, as they prepared to meet the British in battle. Inscription on a marker at Lexington green. * Can any thing be more ridiculous, than that a man has a right to kill me, because he lives on the other side of the water, and because his prince has a quarrel with mine, though I have none with him. ** [[Blaise Pascal]], ''Pensées'', 294 * War is organised murder, and nothing else. ** [[w:Harry Patch|Harry Patch]] (the last surviving soldier to have fought in the trenches of the First World War; reported in [http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/the-last-of-the-noblest-generation-1761467.html The Independent, 26 July 2009]). * Wars may be fought with weapons, but they are won by men. It is the spirit of the men who follow and of the man who leads that gains that victory. ** [[George S. Patton]], ''Cavalry Journal'' (September 1933). * ''Now in war we are confronted with conditions which are strange <br> If we accept them we will never win.'' ** [[George S. Patton]], in stanza 1 of "Absolute War" a poem composed by Patton in July 1944, during [[w:Operation Cobra|Operation Cobra]] as quoted in ''The Patton Papers 1940-1945'' (1996) edited by Martin Blumenson p. 492. * ''For in war just as in loving you must keep on shoving <br> Or you'll never get your reward. For if you are dilatory in the search for lust or glory <br> You are up shitcreek and that's the truth, Oh, Lord.''</p><p>''So let us do real fighting, boring in and gouging, biting. <br> Let's take a chance now that we have the ball. <br> Let's forget those fine firm bases in the dreary shell raked spaces, <br> Let's shoot the works and win! Yes win it all.''</p> ** [[George S. Patton]], in stanzas 4 and 5 of "Absolute War", as quoted in ''The Patton Papers 1940-1945'' (1996) edited by Martin Blumenson, p. 492. * Battle is the most magnificent competition in which a human being can indulge. It brings out all that is best and it removes all that is base. ** [[George S. Patton]], ''Speech to the third army''. * Though [[Christians|we]] live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. ** [[Paul of Tarsus]], [[Second Epistle to the Corinthians]] 10:3 * But I have seen the unknown dead, those little men of the Republic. It was they who woke me up. If a stranger, an enemy, becomes a thing like that when he dies, if one stops short and is afraid to walk over him, it means that even beaten our enemy is someone, that after having shed his blood, one must placate it, give this blood a voice, justify the man who shed it. Looking at certain dead is humiliating. One has the impression that the same fate that threw these bodies to the ground holds us nailed to the spot to see them, to fill our eyes with the sight. It's not fear, not our usual cowardice. One feels humiliated because one understands–touching it with one's eyes–that we might be in their place ourselves: there would be no difference, and if we live we owe it to this dirtied corpse. That is why every war is a civil war; every fallen man resembles one who remains and calls him to account. ** [[Cesare Pavese]], ''The house on the hill''. * War makes men barbarous because, to take part in it, one must harden oneself against all regret, all appreciation of delicacy and sensitive values. One must live ''as if those values did not exist'', and when the war is over one has lost the resilience to return to those values. ** [[Cesare Pavese]], ''This Business of Living'', {{#dateformat:1939-09-09}} * [[Hell]], [[Heaven]] or Hoboken by Christmas. ** Attributed to General John Joseph Pershing. (1918). Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * [[Gilbert du Motier, Marquis de Lafayette|Lafayette]], we are here. ** Gen. [[John J. Pershing|John Joseph Pershing]]. At the tomb of Lafayette. (1918). On the authority of a letter from the General's military secretary to George Morgan, Jan. 4, 1919. * Infantry, Artillery, Aviation—all that we have—are yours to dispose of as you will…. I have come to say to you that the American people would be proud to be engaged in the greatest battle in history. ** Gen. [[John J. Pershing|John Joseph Pershing]] to Gen. Foch, Letter written from Office of the Commander-in-Chief, American Expeditionary Forces, in France. See "Literary Digest History of World War," Volume V, p. 43. March 28, 1918. * ''Ils ne passeront pas.'' ** They shall not pass. *** [[Philippe Pétain|General Pétain]]. At the end of Feb., 1916, General de Castelnau was sent by General Joffre to decide whether Verdun should be abandoned or defended. He consulted with General Pétain, saying: "They (the Germans) must not pass." General Pétain said: "They shall not pass." In France the people credit it to General Joffre. See N. Y. Times, May 6, 1917. * γλυκύ δ᾽ἀπείρῳ πόλεμος.<br/>πεπειραμένων δέ τις ταρβεῖ προσιόντα νιν καρδία περισσῶς. * '''[[War]] is sweet to those who have no [[experience]] of it, <br/>but the experienced man trembles exceedingly at heart on its approach.''' ** [[Pindar]], Fragment 110; page 377. *** This phrase is the origin of the Latin proverb "''Dulce bellum inexpertis''" which is sometimes misattributed to [[Desiderius Erasmus‎]]. *** Variant translations: :::* '''War is sweet to them that know it not.''' :::* War is sweet to those not acquainted with it :::* War is sweet to those who do not know it. :::* War is sweet to those that never have experienced it. :::* War is delightful to those who have had no experience of it. * From the [[w:Rio Grande|Rio Grande]]'s waters to the icy lakes of [[Maine]],<br>Let all exult, for we have met the enemy again.<br>Beneath their stern old mountains we have met them in their pride;<br>And rolled from Buena Vista back the battle's bloody tide,<br>Where the enemy came surging swift like the Mississippi's flood,<br>And the Reaper, Death, with strong arms swung his sickle red with blood.<br>Santa Anna boasted loudly that before two hours were past<br>His Lancers through Saltillo should pursue us fierce and fast.<br>On comes his solid infantry, line marching after line.<br>Lo! their great standards in the sun like sheets of silver shine. ** Gen. Albert Pike—Battle of Buena Vista. * As an investigative journalist, I have often had to rely on the courageous, principled acts of [[w:whistle-blowers|whistle-blowers]]. The [[truth]] about the [[Vietnam War]] was told when [[Daniel Ellsberg]] leaked the [[W:Pentagon Papers|Pentagon Papers.]] The truth about [[Iraq War|Iraq]] and [[Afghanistan]], and [[Saudi Arabia]] and many other flashpoints was told when [[WikiLeaks]] published the revelations of whistle-blowers. ** [[John Pilger]] in [https://www.thedailystar.net/opinion/interviews/news/real-journalists-act-agents-people-not-power-1687921 ''Real journalists act as agents of people, not power, Daily Star (Bangladesh)''] (16 January 2019) * If I were an American, as I am an [[English people|Englishman]], while a foreign troop was landed in my country I never would lay down my arms,—never! never! never! ** [[William Pitt the Elder]] (Nov. 18, 1777). * When the tyrant has disposed of foreign enemies by conquest or treaty, and there is nothing to fear from them, then he is always stirring up some war or other, in order that the people may require a leader. ** [[Plato]], ''The Republic'', Book VIII, 566e. * The inexperienced in wisdom and virtue, ever occupied with feasting and such, are carried downward, and there, as is fitting, they wander their whole life long, neither ever looking upward to the [[truth]] above them nor rising toward it, nor tasting pure and lasting pleasures. Like cattle, always looking downward with their heads bent toward the ground and the banquet tables, they feed, fatten, and fornicate. In order to increase their possessions they kick and butt with horns and hoofs of steel and kill each other, insatiable as they are. ** [[Plato]], ''[[The Republic (Plato)|Republic]]'' 586a-b. * He who first called money the sinews of the state seems to have said this with special reference to war. ** [[Plutarch]], ''Life of Cleomenes''. 27. * Sylla proceeded by persuasion, not by arms. ** [[Plutarch]], ''Lysander and Sylla Compared''. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * [[w:Lucius Aemilius Paulus Macedonicus|Paulus Aemilius]], on taking command of the forces in Macedonia, and finding them talkative and impertinently busy, as though they were all commanders, issued out his orders that they should have only ready hands and keen swords, and leave the rest to him. ** [[Plutarch]], ''Plutarch's Lives'', trans. John Dryden, rev. A. H. Clough (1859), life of Galba, vol. 5, p. 456. * It is the province of kings to bring wars about; it is the province of God to end them. ** [[w:Reginald Pole|Cardinal Pole]], to [[Henry VIII of England|Henry VIII]]. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * She saw her sons with purple death expire,<br>Her sacred domes involved in rolling fire,<br>A dreadful series of intestine wars,<br>Inglorious triumphs and dishonest scars. ** [[Alexander Pope]], ''Windsor Forest'', line 323. * War is bad, heaven knows, but [[slavery]] is far worse. If the doom of slavery is not sealed by the war, I shall curse the day I entered the Army. ** Walter Stone Poor, a Union soldier from [[w:Maine in the American Civil War|Maine]], [https://books.google.com/books?id=1qhEHVki8tEC&pg=PA117 letter to George Fox] (15 May 1861), Sandy Hook * When there's a war around take the day off, that's my motto. **[[Terry Pratchett]], ''Interesting Times''. * The waves<br>Of the mysterious death-river moaned;<br>The tramp, the shout, the fearful thunder-roar<br>Of red-breathed cannon, and the wailing cry<br>Of myriad victims, filled the air. ** [[George D. Prentice]], ''Lookout Mountain'', line 16. * One thing had better be said at the outset. War occurs because the great mass of human beings are prepared, at least in certain circumstances, to regard the resort to arms as an acceptable proceeding. ** Robin Prior & Trevor Wilson, ''The First World War'' (1999), <small> 2001 paperback edition; ISBN 0–304-35984-X (even though Wikiquote is registering this as an invalid ISBN), </small> p. 22 * A man is known by the Company he joins.<br>Bad communication trenches corrupt good manners.<br>Never look a gift gun in the mouth.<br>A drop of oil in time saves time.<br>One swallow doesn't make a rum issue.<br>Where there's a war there's a way. ** Proverbial sayings, popular in the Great War. Origin about 1917. == Q == * If this bill passes … as it will be the right of all, so it will be the duty of some, to prepare definitely for a separation, amicably if they can, violently if they must. ** [[Josiah Quincy]], speech, In Congress. Jan. 14, 1811, against the admission of Louisiana to the Union. Quoted by Henry Clay in Congress (1813), "Peaceably if we can, forcibly if we must." * Cœdes videtur significare sanguinem et ferrum. ** (Slaughter) means blood and iron. ** [[Quintilian]], ''Declamationes''. * And the Jews claim: "The Hand of God is tied up." while their own hands are shackled and they are cursed for what they say. Nay, both His hands are unconstrained. He disburses as He pleases. And that which has been revealed to thee from thy Lord will certainly make many of them increase in stubbornness and denial. And We have cast among them enmity and hatred till the day of Resurrection. '''Whenever they provoke a war, Allah puts it out, and they eager to make mischief on the Earth, but Allah loves not mischievous people.''' ** Quran, Chapter 5 (Al-Ma'idah) : 64 == R == [[File:Howard Chandler Christy - Gee I wish I were a Man, I'd Join the Navy - Google Art Project.jpg|thumb|The sexual effect of a uniform, the erotically provocative effect of rhythmically executed goose-stepping, the exhibitionistic nature of militaristic procedures, have been more practically comprehended by a salesgirl or an average secretary than by our most erudite [[politicians]]. ~ [[Wilhelm Reich]]]] [[File:William_Holman_Hunt_-_The_Scapegoat.jpg|thumb|Under the influence of [[politicians]], [[masses]] of people tend to ascribe the [[responsibility]] for wars to those who wield [[power]] at any given [[time]]. In the [[First World War]] it was the munitions industrialists; in the [[Second World War]] it was the psychopathic [[w:General officer|generals]] who were said to be [[guilty]]. This is [[w:Buck passing|passing the buck]]. The responsibility for wars falls solely upon the shoulders of these same masses of people, for they have all the necessary means to avert war in their own [[hands]]. ~ [[Wilhelm Reich]]]] [[File:Poesia - Numine Afflatur - Raffaello.jpg|thumb|Always our wars have been our confessions of weakness...We are against war and the sources of war. We are for poetry and the sources of poetry. ~ [[Muriel Rukeyser]]]] * ''Ouvrez toujours à vos ennemis toutes les portes et chemin, et plutot leur faites un pont d'argent, afin de les renvoyer.'' ** Always open all gates and roads to your enemies, and rather make for them a bridge of silver, to get rid of them. ** [[François Rabelais]], ''Gargantua'', Book I, Chapter XLIII. Count de Pitillan, according to Gilles Corrozet—Les Divers Propos Memorables (1571) uses the same phrase with "golden" bridge for "silver." The same suggestion was made by Aristides, referring to the proposal to destroy Xerxes' bridge of ships over the Hellespont. ("A bridge for a retreating army.") See [[Plutarch]], ''Life of Demosthenes''. Louis II, Brantome, ''Memoirs'', Volume I, II, p. 83. Also French translation. of Thomasi, ''Life of Cæsar Borgia'', p. 64. * Lastly, forget good sportsmanship on the field of battle. War is not a refereed football game but the dirtiest game yet devised by human minds. And, if for one moment you feel soft towards that [[Nazism|Nazi]] shooting at you, remember he's trying to kill you and, if he had the chance, he'd drive your dad into slavery, cut your mother's throat, rape your wife, sister, sweetheart, or daughter. You'll get no quarter from him. Give him none! ** [[Edson Raff]], ''We Jumped to Fight'' (1944), p. 204 * I want to stand by my country, but I cannot vote for war. I vote no. ** [[w:Jeannette Rankin|Jeannette Rankin]], casting her vote against the United States entering World War I, in the early hours of April 6, 1917, as reported by ''The New York Times'' (April 6, 1917), p. 1. Jeanette Rankin of Montana was the first woman elected to Congress, where she served 1917–1919 and 1941–1943. Not only did she vote against World War I, she was the only member of Congress to oppose declaring war on Japan in December 1941. * '''History teaches that wars begin when governments believe the price of aggression is cheap'''. ** [[Ronald Reagan]], Address to the nation from the White House (16 January 1984). * A single pipe broken by a high-impact [[w:explosive|explosive]] [[weapon]] can deprive 100,000 people of [[water]]. That same weapon may also destroy the neighbourhood’s [[w:sewage system|sewage system]], causing thousands to fall [[ill]] and placing further strain on already overstretched [[w:hospitals|hospitals]]. <br> Local economies collapse and populations flee, leaving fewer [[doctors]] and [[engineers]], and no [[money]] to pay the salaries of those who remain. The acute pain caused by one attack triggers a ripple effect of long-term suffering that leaves no part of life unscathed. ** ''Red Cross'', [http://cityatwar.icrc.org/ “I saw my city die”]. * I never [[kill]] [[faces]]. These are the enemy, but if I don’t define things too closely, then I won’t miss any [[sleep]] tonight. ** [[w:Robert Reed|Robert Reed]], ''Prayer,'' in [[w:Rich Horton|Rich Horton]] (ed.) ''[[w:The Year’s Best Science Fiction & Fantasy 2013|The Year’s Best Science Fiction & Fantasy 2013]],'' p. 172 [http://clarkesworldmagazine.com/reed_05_12/ (Originally published at Clarkesworld #68] May, 2012) * War on the cheap is always a rotten policy. ** [[w:William Rees-Mogg|William Rees-Mogg]] [https://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/blogs/article-1217844/WILLIAM-REES-MOGG-The-big-tests-David-Cameron-tackle.html "The three big tests David Cameron has to tackle"], ''Daily Mail'' (<!-- UPDATED -->3 October 2009). * From the point of view of mass [[psychology]], the effect of militarism is based essentially on a libidinous mechanism. The sexual effect of a uniform, the erotically provocative effect of rhythmically executed goose-stepping, the exhibitionistic nature of militaristic procedures, have been more practically comprehended by a salesgirl or an average secretary than by our most erudite [[politicians]]. On the other hand it is political reaction that consciously exploits these sexual interests. It not only designs flashy uniforms for the men, it puts the recruiting into the hands of attractive women. In conclusion, let us but recall the recruiting posters of war-thirsty powers, which ran something as follows: ‘Travel to foreign countries — join the Royal Navy I’ and the foreign countries were portrayed by exotic women. And why are these posters effective? Because our youth has become sexually starved owing to sexual suppression. ** [[Wilhelm Reich]], ''The Mass Psychology of Fascism'', (1933), p. 31. * [[Catholic]] [[Christianity]] in particular has long since divested itself of the [[revolutionary]], i.e., rebellious, character of the primitive Christian movement. It seduces its millions of devotees into accepting war as an act of [[fate]], as a ‘[[punishment]] of [[sin]]’. Wars are indeed the consequences of sins, but entirely different sins from those conceived of by Catholicism. ** [[Wilhelm Reich]] in ''The Mass Psychology of Fascism'', (1933), p. 230. * Under the influence of [[politicians]], [[masses]] of people tend to ascribe the [[responsibility]] for wars to those who wield [[power]] at any given [[time]]. In the [[First World War]] it was the [[munitions]] [[industrialists]]; in the [[Second World War]] it was the [[psychopathic]] [[w:General officer|generals]] who were said to be [[guilty]]. This is [[w:Buck passing|passing the buck]]. The responsibility for wars falls solely upon the shoulders of these same masses of people, for they have all the necessary means to avert war in their own [[hands]]. ** [[Wilhelm Reich]], ''The Mass Psychology of Fascism'', (1933), p. 345. * People like to think of war as a ‘social thunderstorm’. It is said that it ‘purifies’ the atmosphere; it has its great benefits -it ‘hardens the [[youth]]’ and makes them [[courageous]]. As far as that goes, people say, we have always had and will always have wars. They are biologically motivated. According to [[Darwin]], the ‘[[struggle]] for [[existence]]’ is the [[law]] of [[life]]. Why, then, were [[peace]] conferences organized? Nor have I ever heard that bears or elephants split up into two camps and annihilate one another. In the [[animal]] kingdom there are no wars within the same [[species]]. Like [[sadism]], war among one’s own kind is an acquisition of ‘[[civilised]] man'. No, for some reason or another, man shies away from putting his finger on the [[causes]] of war. And there can be no [[doubt]] that better ways than war exist of making youth fit and [[healthy]], namely, a satisfying [[love]] life, [[pleasurable]] and steady [[work]], general [[sports]] and [[freedom]] from the malicious [[gossip]] of [[old]] [[maids]]. In short, such [[arguments]] are hollow chatter. ** [[Wilhelm Reich]], "The biological miscalculation in the human struggle for freedom (part I)", (1975), ''Journal of Orgonomy'' Vol 9, Issue 1. * And he gathered them together into a place called in the [[w:Hebrew language|Hebrew tongue]] Armageddon. ** [[Book of Revelation|Revelation]], XVI. 16. Armageddon. Correct reading is Har-Magedon, signifying Mountain of Megiddo. Authorized version, City of Megiddo. Mount Megiddo possibly Mount Carmel. The plain of Megiddo lay at its foot. Scene of many battles. * Then I saw when the Lamb broke one of the seven seals, and I heard one of the four living creatures saying as with a voice of thunder, “Come.” I looked, and behold, a white horse, and he who sat on it had a bow; and a crown was given to him, and he went out conquering and to conquer. ** Revelation 6:1-2 * Twelve mailed men sat drinking late,<br> The wine was red as blood.<br>Cried one, "How long then must we wait<br>Ere we shall thunder at the gate,<br> And crush the cursed brood?"<br>Twelve men of iron, drinking late,<br>Strike hands, and pledge a cup of hate:<br>* "The Day!" ** [[Charles Alex Richmond]], ''The Day''. * The war is a [[Hallucination|hallucination]] of those without [[homeland]]. ** [[Borislav Ristić]], [https://m.vecernji.hr/premium/rat-je-halucinacija-onih-bez-domovine-1263380 "Rat je halucinacija onih bez domovine"] ''Večernji list''. Published 11th August 2018. * If we are to end our wars, we have to dispense with a threatening, vengeful, bloodthirsty God. If we're to have any kind of world brotherhood, we have to dispense with a God who reserves his favors for a chosen few. Life is given to all. The sun shines freely on each of us. Would a God be less kindly? More than this, we must also dispense with our species God, and extend our ideas of divinity outward to the rest of nature which couches us and our religious theorizing with such a gracious and steady support. ** [[Jane Roberts]], ''The God of Jane: A Psychic Manifesto'', p. 63. [[File:Tri-service_medal_of_honor.jpg|thumb|'''The [[strength]] of a [[civilization]] is not measured by its [[ability]] to [[fight]] wars, but rather by its ability to prevent them.''' ~ [[Gene Roddenberry]]]] * '''The [[strength]] of a [[civilization]] is not measured by its [[ability]] to [[fight]] wars, but rather by its ability to prevent them.''' ** [[Gene Roddenberry]], shown at the end of the episode "Scorched Earth", no. 14 in the 3rd season of [[Wikipedia:Earth: Final Conflict|Gene Roddenberry's Earth: Final Conflict]], first aired on February 7, 2000. * The morning came, there stood the foe;<br> Stark eyed them as they stood;<br>Few words he spoke—'twas not a time<br> For moralizing mood:<br>"See there the enemy, my boys!<br> Now, strong in valor's might,<br>Beat them or Betty Stark will sleep<br> In widowhood to-night." ** [[J. P. Rodmen]], ''Battle of Bennington''. * He who makes the powder wins the war. ** [[Walter Rodney]], {{cite book |title={{w|How Europe Underdeveloped Africa}} |date=1972 |publisher=Howard University Press |isbn=978-0-9501546-4-0 |page=118}} * Lo, steel-clad War his gorgeous standard rears !<br>The red-cross squadrons madly rage,<br> And mow thro' infancy and age... ** [[Samuel Rogers]], ''Ode to Superstition'' III.2. (1786). * I have always said that a conference was held for one reason only, to give everybody a chance to get sore at everybody else. Sometimes it takes two or three conferences to scare up a war, but generally one will do it. ** [[Will Rogers]], syndicated column (July 5, 1933); in ''The New York Times'' (July 6, 1933, p. 23). Disraeli is another who had an unsanguine view of conferences: "The Conference lasted six weeks. It wasted six weeks. It lasted as long as a Carnival, and, like a Carnival, it was an affair of masks and mystification. Our Ministers went to it as men in distressed circumstances go to a place of amusement—to while away the time, with a consciousness of impending failure". Speech in the House of Commons on Denmark and Germany, vote of censure (July 4, 1864), ''Hansard's Parliamentary Debates'', 3d series, vol. 176, col. 743. * I originated a remark many years ago that I think has been copied more than any little thing that I've every said, and I used it in the FOLLIES of 1922. I said America has a unique record. We never lost a war and we never won a conference in our lives. I believe that we could without any degree of egotism, single-handed lick any nation in the world. But we can't confer with [[w:Costa Rica|Costa Rica]] and come home with our shirts on. ** [[Will Rogers]], Paula McSpadden Love, ''The Will Rogers Book'' (1972), p. 177. The author was a niece of Will Rogers's and curator of the Will Rogers Memorial in Claremore, Oklahoma. * Take the diplomacy out of war and the thing would fall flat in a week. ** [[Will Rogers]] as quoted in ''Wit'' (2003) by Des MacHale, p. 299 * You can't say civilization don't advance, however, for in every war they kill you in a new way. ** [[Will Rogers]], ''The Autobiography of Will Rogers'' (1949) * Since I am an immature and wicked man, war and unrest appeal to me more than good [[Bourgeoisie|bourgeois]] order. [[Cruelty|Brutality]] is respected, the people need wholesome fear. They want to fear someone. They want someone to frighten them and make them shudderingly submissive. ** [[Ernst Röhm ]], Cited in "The Nazis: A Warning from History", Disc 1, 10:48. Also quoted in "The Face of the Third Reich: Portraits of the Nazi Leadership" - Page 139 by Joachim C. Fest - History - 1999. * And while I am talking to you mothers and fathers, I give you one more assurance. I have said this before, but I shall say it again and again and again: Your boys are not going to be sent into any foreign wars. ** [[Franklin D. Roosevelt]], campaign speech, Boston, Massachusetts (October 30, 1940); in ''The Public Papers and Addresses of Franklin D. Roosevelt, 1940'' (1941), p. 517. * To you men who, in your turn, have come together to spend and be spent in the endless crusade against wrong; to you who face the future resolute and confident; to you who strive in a spirit of brotherhood for the betterment of our nation; to you who gird yourselves for this great new fight in the never-ending warfare for the good of mankind, I say in closing what I said in that speech in closing: "We stand at Armageddon and we battle for the Lord." ** [[Theodore Roosevelt]], speech, at Chicago, Progressive Convention, Aug. 5, 1912, quoting from his speech in June. * There are a great many objections urged against the enfranchisement of women; and one that I have recently heard is that women would not go to war. Perhaps, if women had the franchise, men would not need to go to war neither. And this is one great reason why I demand the franchise. War is only a relic of the old barbarisms. So long as woman is deprived of her right, man is only next door to a barbarian. If he were not, he never would go to war. ** [[Ernestine Rose]] [https://awpc.cattcenter.iastate.edu/2017/03/21/address-to-the-first-anniversary-of-the-american-equal-rights-association-may-9-1867-2/ Address] to the First Anniversary of the American Equal Rights Association (May 9, 1867) * Righteous Heaven,<br>In thy great day of vengeance! Blast the traitor<br>And his pernicious counsels, who, for wealth,<br>For pow'r, the pride of greatness, or revenge,<br>Would plunge his native land in civil wars. ** [[Nicholas Rowe]], ''Jane Shore'' (1714), Act III, scene 1, line 198. * War, the needy bankrupt's last resort. ** [[Nicholas Rowe]], ''Pharsalia'', Book I. 343. * War does not develop the virtues of peace. . .It is not a school that teaches respect for the person or property of others. ** Betty B. Rosenbaum, [https://scholarlycommons.law.northwestern.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=2911&context=jclc "Relationship Between War and Crime in the United States"], ''Journal of Criminal Law and Criminology'', Volume 30, Issue 5, January-February, 1940. * When the rules of civilized society are suspended, when killing becomes a business and a sign of valor and heroism, when the wanton destruction of peaceable women and. children becomes an act of virtue, and is praised as a service to God and country, then it seems almost useless to talk about crime in the ordinary sense. ** Betty B. Rosenbaum, [https://scholarlycommons.law.northwestern.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=2911&context=jclc "Relationship Between War and Crime in the United States"], ''Journal of Criminal Law and Criminology'', Volume 30, Issue 5, January-February, 1940. * [There is] an obliteration of all the religious, moral and legal habits which acted as a barrier against acts of murder or of aggression against personal inviolability. ** Betty B. Rosenbaum, [https://scholarlycommons.law.northwestern.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=2911&context=jclc "Relationship Between War and Crime in the United States"], ''Journal of Criminal Law and Criminology'', Volume 30, Issue 5, January-February, 1940. * Uppermost on everybody’s mind of course, particularly here in America, is the horror of what has come to be known as [[September 11 attacks|9/11]]. Nearly three thousand civilians lost their lives in that lethal [[Terrorism|terrorist]] strike. The grief is still deep. The rage still sharp. The tears have not dried. And a strange, deadly war is raging around the world. Yet, each person who has lost a loved one surely knows secretly, deeply, that no war, no act of revenge, no daisy-cutters dropped on someone else’s loved ones or someone else’s children, will blunt the edges of their pain or bring their own loved ones back. War cannot avenge those who have died. War is only a brutal desecration of their memory. **[[Arundhati Roy]], [https://dharma-records.buddhasasana.net/texts/arundhati-roys-speech-come-september ''Come September'' Speech, Santa Fe, NM], (29 Sep 2002) * He never would believe that Providence had sent a few men into the world, ready booted and spurred to ride, and millions ready saddled and bridled to be ridden. ** [[Richard Rumbold]], at his execution (1685). See Macaulay—History of England, Chapter V. * It makes me hate war, but it doesn't make me believe that we're in a world that can live without war yet. ** Lt. Josh Rushing, Pentagon spokesman, in ''[[w:Control Room (film)|Control Room]]'' (2004), upon viewing footage of dead and wounded American soldiers in Iraq * '''I have seen war.''' I have seen war on land and sea. I have seen blood running from the wounded. I have seen the dead in the mud. I have seen cities destroyed. I have seen children starving. I have seen the agony of mothers and wives. '''I hate war.''' ** [[Franklin Delano Roosevelt]], August 1936 speech in Chautauqua, New York, reported in [http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,756504,00.html?promoid=googlep Time magazine]. * Those who took refuge in the cave of Zeret tried to reproduce their traditional way of life underground, far from the omnivoyance of the [[Italian]] colonial army. This seems to be a characteristic of 20th century war: from the [[w:Madrid Metro|Madrid tube]] in the 1930s to the present [[Al-Qaeda]] bunkers in [[Afghanistan]], all the way through the [[w:Vietcong|Vietcong]] tunnels and the [[American]] [[w:Fallout shelter|nuclear shelters]] of the 1960s. Talking about the [[Iraq War]], Stephen Graham (2004: 18) writes: ‘this time... the key is between trans-global, near instantaneous killing power, operating on the fringes of the outer space, and deep, subterranean, terrestrial space’. Except for the outer space, though, there is nothing really new in the [[War on Terror|War against Terror]]—an offspring of [[colonial]] warfare (Mbembe 2003). For the last hundred years, against the destructiveness of industrial war, the only option of survival has been going underground. And this is what the followers of Abebe Aregai did. ** Alfredo González-Ruibal, Yonatan Sahle and Xurxo Ayán Vila, [https://core.ac.uk/download/pdf/36054473.pdf “A social archaeology of colonial war in Ethiopia”], ''World Archeology'', Vol. 43, (04, Mar 2011), p.8 * Always our wars have been our confessions of weakness...We are against war and the sources of war. We are for poetry and the sources of poetry. ** [[Muriel Rukeyser]] ''The Life of Poetry'' (1949) p 211 and 213 * '''Patriots always talk of dying for their country, and never of killing for their country.''' ** [[Bertrand Russel]], ''Has Man a Future?'' (1962), p. 78<!--79--> * [The Russians] dashed on towards that thin line tipped with steel. ** W. H. Russell—The British Expedition to the Crimea. (Revised edition), p. 187. Also in his Letters to the London Times, Oct. 25, 1854. Speaking of the 93rd Highlanders at Balaclava. Credit for authorship of "the thin red line" claimed by Russell in a letter printed in Notes and Queries, series 8, VII, p. 191. == S == [[File:USMC-00772.jpg|thumb|"War," a friend of mine said, "is not about sound at all. It is actually about silence, the silence of humanity." ~ [[Zainab Salbi]]]] [[File:RIAN archive 662758 Recruits entering Voroshilov Barracks.jpg|thumb|Sometime they'll give a war and nobody will come.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Carl Sandburg]]}}]] [[File:New Orleans h76369k.jpg|thumb|War is hell.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[William Tecumseh Sherman]]}}]] [[File:Sherman sea 1868.jpg|thumb|We fed thousands upon thousands of the families of rebel soldiers left on our hands, and whom we could not see starve. Now that war comes home to you; you feel very different. You deprecate its horrors, but did not feel them when you sent car-loads of soldiers and ammunition, and moulded shells and shot to carry war.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[William Tecumseh Sherman]]}}]] [[File:Atomic cloud over Hiroshima.jpg|thumb|A people who will persevere in war beyond a certain limit ought to know the consequences.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[William Tecumseh Sherman]]}}]] [[File:Hiroshima 10km.jpg|thumb|You might as well appeal against the thunderstorm as against these terrible hardships of war. They are inevitable.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[William Tecumseh Sherman]]}}]] [[File:Bruce Crandall's UH-1D.jpg|thumb|War! What is it good for? Absolutely nothing!<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[w:Edwin Starr|Edwin Starr]]}}]] [[File:CDR Michele Day, USN (X.O.).jpg|thumb|War! war! war! Heaven aid the right! God move the hero's arm in the fearful fight! God send the women sleep in the long, long night... When the breasts on whose strength they leaned shall heave no more.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Edmund Clarence Stedman]]}}]] [[File:Portrait of Ambassador Adlai E. Stevenson II.jpg|thumb|right|A [[wise]] man does not try to hurry [[history]]. Many wars have been avoided by patience and many have been precipitated by reckless haste.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Adlai Stevenson II]]}}]] [[File:Count and Countess László Széchenyi.jpg|thumb|War has been the excuse people have made throughout history to take something away from others that didn't belong to them...War is caused by greed. ~ [[László Széchenyi]]]] * [[Piers Morgan]]: You're always very keen to take a view, even if they're unproven, that is anti-American. You're never quite so keen to take a view that is anti-dictator. ... : [[Jeffrey Sachs]]: It's not whether they're dictators or not, it's what the United States' role is. I don't believe that any country can arrogate this task of bringing down other countries' governments. The [[Central Intelligence Agency|CIA]] has been involved in probably 90 or 100 covert [[w:United States regime change operations|regime change operations]] since it was founded in 1947. My whole life has been the United States at war. It's sickening. It's tiring. These wars are disasters. It's just not our business to say, "That one's despicable. That one has to go." But literally this is what [[Obama]] did. It's a shame that he did this. He said, "[[w:Bashar al-Assad|Assad]] must go." ... Literally, Piers, it's been 13 years of mass killing since then, no resolution at all. Completely predictable. This is what I'm against. :* [[Jeffrey Sachs]] as interviewed by [[Piers Morgan]], [https://scrapsfromtheloft.com/tv-series/jeffrey-sachs-on-syria-assad-putin-transcript/ December 5, 2024] * I grew up in [[Iraq war|war-torn Iraq]], and I believe that there are two sides of wars and we've only seen one side of it. We only talk about one side of it. But there's another side that I have witnessed as someone who lived in it and someone who ended up working in it. ** [[Zainab Salbi]], ''[https://www.ted.com/talks/zainab_salbi?language=en Zainab Salbi: Women, wartime and the dream of peace]'', speech at [[w:TED (conference)#TEDGlobal|TEDGlobal]] 2010, ''[[w:TED (conference)|TED]]''. * '''"War," a friend of mine said, "is not about sound at all. It is actually about silence, the silence of humanity."''' ** [[Zainab Salbi]], ''[https://www.ted.com/talks/zainab_salbi?language=en Zainab Salbi: Women, wartime and the dream of peace]'', speech at [[w:TED (conference)#TEDGlobal|TEDGlobal]] 2010, ''[[w:TED (conference)|TED]]''. * '''There are two sides of war. There is a side that fights, and there is a side that keeps the schools and the factories and the hospitals open.''' There is a side that is focused on winning battles, and there is a side that is focused on winning life. There is a side that leads the front-line discussion, and there is a side that leads the back-line discussion. There is a side that thinks that peace is the end of fighting, and there is a side that thinks that peace is the arrival of schools and jobs. There is a side that is led by men, and there is a side that is led by [[Women in war|women]]. And in order for us to understand how do we build lasting peace, we must understand war and peace from both sides. We must have a full picture of what that means. ** [[Zainab Salbi]], ''[https://www.ted.com/talks/zainab_salbi?language=en Zainab Salbi: Women, wartime and the dream of peace]'', speech at [[w:TED (conference)#TEDGlobal|TEDGlobal]] 2010, ''[[w:TED (conference)|TED]]''. * To accept the legitimacy of the state is to embrace the necessity for war. ** [[L.K. Samuels]], “Iraq and the Roots of War,” ''California Freedom'' (June 2007). * Sometime they'll give a war and nobody will come. ** [[Carl Sandburg]], "The People, Yes", ''The People, Yes'' (1936), stanza 23, line 23, republished in ''The Complete Poems of Carl Sandburg'', rev. and expanded ed. (1970), p. 464. * Mr. Speaker, in the brief time I have let me give you five reasons why I'm opposed to giving the President a blank check to launch a unilateral invasion and occupation of Iraq and why I will vote against this resolution. One: I have not heard any estimates of how many young American men and women might die in such a war, or how many tens of thousands of women and children in Iraq might also be killed. As a caring nation, we should do everything we can to prevent the horrible suffering that a war will cause. War must be the last recourse in international relations, not the first. Second... If President Bush believes that the US can go to war at any time against any nation, what moral or legal obligation can our government raise if another country chose to do the same thing. ** [[Bernie Sanders]], in [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdFw1btbkLM Speech on Iraq War Resolution in US House of Representatives] (9 October 2002) * Irregular combatants are at their most effective in cities. They cannot easily shoot down planes, nor fight tanks in open fields. Instead, they draw the enemy into cities, and undermine the key advantage of today’s major powers, whose mechanised weapons are of little use in dense and narrow urban spaces. ** Saskia Sassen, [https://www.theguardian.com/cities/2018/jan/30/new-war-rise-endless-urban-conflict-saskia-sassen “Welcome to a new kind of war: the rise of endless urban conflict”], ''The Guardian'', (30 Jan 2018), last modified on (11 May 2018). * Another fucking war, man. I don't know where to begin, but I'll start with the radical leaders. Their steps we're following. ** [[w:Avenged Sevenfold|Matthew Charles Sanders]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EPpLVdbVXFI "Blinded in Chains"] (2005), ''City of Evil'' * Only the dead have seen the end of war. ** [[George Santayana]], ''Soliloquies in England and Later Soliloquies'' (1922); this is often misattributed to [[Plato]][http://plato-dialogues.org/faq/faq008.htm]. * '''Let no one ever, from henceforth say one word in any way countenancing war.''' It is dangerous even to speak of how here and there the individual may gain some hardship of soul by it. For '''war is hell, and those who institute it are criminals. Were there even anything to say for it, it should not be said; for its spiritual disasters far outweigh any of its advantages.''' ** [[Siegfried Sassoon]], As quoted by Robert Nichols in his introduction to ''The Counter-Attack and Other Poems'' (1918) * The fundamental of war has always been dehumanizing the enemy, seeing him as a soulless animal. ** [[Robert J. Sawyer]], ''Factoring Humanity'' (1998), Chapter 41 * ''Qui fuit peut revenir aussi;<br>Qui meurt, il n'en est pas ainsi.'' ** He who flies can also return; but it is not so with him who dies. ** Scarron. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * Ein Schlachten war's, nicht eine Schlacht, zu nennen!<br> It was a slaughter rather than a battle. ** [[Friedrich Schiller]], ''Die Jungfrau von Orleans'', I. 9. 50. * Est ist hier wie in den alten Zeiten<br>Wo die Klinge noch alles that bedeuten. ** It is now as in the days of yore when the sword ruled all things. ** [[Friedrich Schiller]], ;;Wallenstein's Lager;;, VI. 140. * War is not healthy for children and other living things. ** Lorraine Art Schneider, Mother's Day card (1967) for [[w:Another Mother for Peace|Another Mother for Peace]], used in the organization's logo. See [http://www.swarthmore.edu/Library/peace/DG100-150/DG102AMP.html Swarthmore College Peace Collection]. * ''Hosti non solum dandam esse viam fugiendi verum etiam muniendam.'' ** Give the enemy not only a road for flight, but also a means of defending it. ** [[Scipio Africanus]], according to Frontinus, ''Strateg'', IV. 7. 16. * One blast upon his bugle horn<br> Were worth a thousand men. ** [[Walter Scott]], ''Lady of the Lake'' (1810), Canto VI, Stanza 18. * In the lost battle,<br> Borne down by the flying,<br>Where mingles war's rattle<br> With groans of the dying. ** [[Walter Scott]], ''Marmion'' (1808), Canto III, Stanza 11. * "Charge, Chester, charge! On, Stanley, on!"<br>Were the last words of Marmion. ** [[Walter Scott]], ''Marmion'' (1808), Canto VI, Stanza 32. * Still from the sire the son shall hear<br>Of the stern strife, and carnage drear,<br> Of Flodden's fatal field,<br>When shiver'd was fair Scotland's spear,<br> And broken was her shield! ** [[Walter Scott]], ''Marmion'' (1808), Canto VI, Stanza 34. * There was a stately drama writ<br> By the hand that peopled the earth and air,<br>And set the stars in the infinite,<br> And made night gorgeous and morning fair;<br>And all that had sense to reason knew<br>That bloody drama must be gone through.<br>Some sat and watched how the action veered—<br>Waited, profited, trembled, cheered—<br>We saw not clearly nor understood,<br> But yielding ourselves to the masterhand,<br>Each in his part as best he could,<br> We played it through as the author planned. ** [[Alan Seeger]], ''The Hosts''. * I'm dedicating my little [[story]] to you; doubtless you will be among the very few who will ever [[read]] it. It seems [[w:War Story|war stories]] aren't very well received at this point. I'm told they're out-dated, untimely and as might be expected - make some [[unpleasant]] reading. And, as you have no doubt already perceived, human beings don't like to [[remember]] unpleasant things. They gird themselves with the [[armor]] of [[w:Wishful thinking|wishful thinking]], [[protect]] themselves with a [[shield]] of impenetrable [[optimism]], and, with a few exceptions, seem to accomplish their "[[forgetting]]" quite admirably. But you, my children, I don't want you to be among those who choose to forget. I want you to read my stories and a lot of others like them. I want you to fill your heads with Remarque and Tolstoy and Ernie Pyle. I want you to know what shrapnel, and "88's" and mortar shells and mustard gas mean. I want you to feel, no matter how vicariously, a semblance of the [[feeling]] of a torn limb, a burnt patch of flesh, the [[crippling]], [[numbing]] sensation of [[fear]], the [[hopeless]] [[emptiness]] of [[fatigue]]. All these things are complimentary to the province of war and they should be [[taught]] and demonstrated in [[w:Classroom|classrooms]] along with the more [[heroic]] aspects of [[uniforms]], and [[flags]], and [[honor]] and [[patriotism]]. I have no idea what your generation will be like. In mine we were to enjoy "Peace in our time". A very well meaning gentleman waved his umbrella and shouted those very words...less than a year before the whole world went to war. But this gentleman was suffering the worldly disease of insufferable optimism. He and his fellow humans kept polishing the [[w:Rose-colored glasses|rose colored glasses]] when actually they should have taken them off. They were [[sacrificing]] [[reason]] and [[reality]] for a brief and temporal [[w:Peace of mind|peace of mind]], the same peace of mind that many of my contemporaries derive by steadfastly refraining from remembering the war that came before. ** [[Rod Serling]], excerpt from a dedication to an unpublished short story, "First Squad, First Platoon"; from Serling to his as yet unborn children. * Too many wars are fought almost as if by rote. Too many wars are fought out of sloganry, out of battle hymns, out of aged, musty appeals to patriotism that went out with knighthood and moats. Love your country because it is eminently worthy of your affection. Respect it because it deserves your respect. Be loyal to it because it cannot survive without your loyalty. But do not accept the shedding of blood as a natural function or a prescribed way of history, even if history points this up by its repetition. That men die for causes does not necessarily sanctify that cause. And that men are maimed and torn to pieces every fifteen and twenty years does not immortalize or deify the act of war. Are you tough enough, young ladies and gentlemen, to try to build a world in which young men can live out their lives in fruitful pursuit of a decent, enriching consummation of both his talents and his hopes. But if survival calls for the bearing of arms, bear them, you must. As we all have. ** [[Rod Serling]], [https://rodserling.com/rod-serlings-1968-commencement-address/ ”Rod Serling’s 1968 Commencement Address of Rod Serling to Binghamton Central High School Graduates”], (January 28th, 1968) * When you leave here today, if you agree with me, and others, give thought if you will to the inconsistencies of our national morality. That we can punish civil disobedience that finds expression in a revulsion against death – and yet remain strangely unmoved by acts of murder against victims we are supposedly helping, and are ourselves dying for. <br> And even if you don’t agree – give thought to the whole adventure of war. It has been your fathers lot, and mine, and his. There has not been even a spasmodic moment when young men have not fought and died. When the solons, and the aged heads of state have not in their infinite wisdom and consummate judgment, sent the young off to end their lives. An obscure poet named [[w:Arthur Daidson Ficke Arthur Daidson Ficke ]]|, wrote this in the 19th century: “Old men in impotence can beget new wars to kill the lusty young; Young men can sing, old men forget…That any song was every sung.” Don’t you forget that song, the words, the music, the symphony to living. Remember that you can’t necessarily sanctify a cause by virtue of the fact that men die for it. A death in a worthless or even questionable cause is a pointless, meaningless, tragically premature death. So when, in future times, men ask you to prove patriotism and loyalty and affection for your native land – remember that these things are not always equated with a willingness to die or to kill. ** Rod Serling, [https://rodserling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/Serling_Commencement_IC_1972.pdf “Commencement Address of Rod Serling to Ithica College New York"], (May 13, 1972), pp.3-4 * Fortune is always on the side of the largest battalions. ** [[Marie de Rabutin-Chantal, marquise de Sévigné]], ''Letters'', 202. * It is an irrepressible conflict between opposing and enduring forces. ** [[William H. Seward]], speech, The Irrepressible Conflict. Oct. 25, 1858. * They got [[money]] for wars, but can't feed the [[poor]]. ** [[Tupac Shakur]], ''[[w:Strictly 4 My N.I.G.G.A.Z...|Strictly 4 My N.I.G.G.A.Z...]]'', "Keep Ya Head Up", (February 16, 1993). * There was only one virtue, pugnacity; only one vice, pacifism. That is an essential condition of war. ** [[Bernard Shaw]], ''Heartbreak House''. Preface. Madness in Court. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * In the arts of life man invents nothing; but in the arts of death he outdoes Nature herself, and produces by chemistry and machinery all the slaughter of plague, pestilence and famine. ** [[Bernard Shaw]], ''Man and Superman''. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * They shall not pass, tho' battleline<br>May bend, and foe with foe combine,<br> Tho' death rain on them from the sky<br> Till every fighting man shall die,<br>France shall not yield to German Rhine. ** [[Alice M. Shepard]], ''They Shall Not Pass''. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * “These movies, they make war seem like a mystical opportunity. Well, man, when I was here it wasn’t quite that way, y’know. It was leeches, fungus, the shits. It was searchin’ in the weeds for your buddy’s arm. It was lookin’ into the snaky eyes of some whore you were bangin’ and feelin’ weird shit crawl along your spine and expectin’ her head to do a Linda Blair three-sixty spin.” I slipped into a chair and leaned closer to Witcover. “It was Mordor, man. Stephen King land. Horror. And now, now I look around at all these movies and monuments and crap, and it makes me wanna fuckin’ puke to see what a noble hell it’s turnin’ out to be!” ** [[Lucius Shepard]], ''Shades'' (1987), reprinted in [[w:Gardner Dozois|Gardner Dozois]] (ed.), ''[[w:The Year's Best Science Fiction: Fifth Annual Collection|The Year's Best Science Fiction: Fifth Annual Collection]]'', p. 356 * '''A people who will persevere in war beyond a certain limit ought to know the consequences'''. Many, many peoples with less pertinacity have been wiped out of national existence. ** General [[William Tecumseh Sherman]], letter to Major R.M. Sawyer (31 January 1864), from Vicksburg. * Hold the Fort! I am coming. ** General [[William Tecumseh Sherman]], Signalled to Gen. Corse. Oct. 5, 1864. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * War is hell. ** Attributed to General [[William Tecumseh Sherman]]. (Not remembered by him). John Koolbeck, of Harlem, Iowa, who was Aide de Camp to Gen. Winslow, testifies that after the battle of Vicksburg, 1861, Gen. Sherman was watching the crossing of the army across a pontoon bridge, at the river Pearl. Koolbeck distinctly heard him say: "War is Hell." See Everybody's. Oct., 1918, p. 71. * I regard the death and mangling of a couple thousand men as a small affair, a kind of morning dash — and it may be well that we become so hardened. ** General [[William Tecumseh Sherman]], in a letter to his wife (July 1864) * '''War is the remedy our enemies have chosen. Other simple remedies were within their choice. Yon know it and they know it, but they wanted war, and I say let us give them all they want; not a word of argument, not a sign of let up, no cave in till we are whipped or they are.''' ** General [[William Tecumseh Sherman]], [https://books.google.com/books?id=rcFZAAAAYAAJ&pg=PA248 letter to James Guthrie] (14 August 1864), Georgia. * I've been where you are now and I know just how you feel. It's entirely natural that there should beat in the breast of every one of you a hope and desire that some day you can use the skill you have acquired here. Suppress it! You don't know the horrible aspects of war. I've been through two wars and I know. I've seen cities and homes in ashes. I've seen thousands of men lying on the ground, their dead faces looking up at the skies. I tell you, war is hell! ** General [[William Tecumseh Sherman]], address to the graduating class of the [[w:Michigan Military Academy|Michigan Military Academy]] (19 June 1879), as quoted from accounts by Dr. Charles O. Brown in the Battle Creek ''Enquirer and News'' (18 November 1933). * Greedy men say "More!" to war<br />Sitting together telling [[stories]]<br />could change that but who will take the time? ** [[Naomi Shihab Nye]] Voices in the Air: Poems for Listeners (2018) * How can there be war<br />and the next day eating, a man stacking plates<br />on the curl of his arm, a table of people<br />toasting one another in languages of [[grace]] ** [[Naomi Shihab Nye]] Voices in the Air: Poems for Listeners (2018) * You do not understand what happens in war—a sort of sublime madness, an unholy hatred that is twisted into an unreasoning sense of righteousness… ** [[Clifford D. Simak]], ''Cemetery World'' (1973), Chapter 7 * ''J'ai vécu.'' ** I existed. ** [[Emmanuel-Joseph Sieyès]], when asked what he did during the Reign of Terror. See Mignet—Notices Hist. I. 81. * '''My knowledge of pain, learned with the sabre, taught me not to be afraid.''' And just as in dueling when you must concentrate on your enemy's cheek, so, too, in war. '''You cannot waste time on feinting and sidestepping. You must decide on your target and go in.''' ** [[Otto Skorzeny]], comparing his dueling days with commando tactics, as quoted in ''Skorzeny'' (1972) by Charles Whiting, p. 17. * '''[[All]]'s [[fair]] in [[love]] and war.''' ** [[w:Francis Edward Smedley|Francis Edward Smedley]], ''Frank Fairlegh : Scenes from the Life of a Private Pupil'' (1850). * Sainte Jeanne went harvesting in France,<br> But ah! what found she there?<br>The little streams were running red,<br> And the torn fields were bare;<br>And all about the ruined towers<br> Where once her king was crowned,<br>The hurtling ploughs of war and death<br> Had scored the desolate ground. ** Marion Couthouy Smith—Sainte Jeanne of France. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * For God's sake, do not drag me into another war! I am worn down, and worn out, with crusading and defending Europe, and protecting mankind; I must think a little of myself. ** [[Sydney Smith]], letter to the Countess Grey (February 19, 1823); ''A Memoir of the Rev. Sydney Smith by His Daughter Lady Holland'' (1874), p. 434. * Every shot has its commission, d'ye see? We must all die at one time, as the saying is. ** [[Tobias Smollett]], ''The Reprisal'', Act III. 8. * Some of you will not come back. Some of you will come back maimed. Those of you who do come back will come back changed men. That is war! ** [[Jan Smuts]], when seeing off young South Africans in [[w:World War II|World War II]], as cited in Antony Lentin, 2010, Jan Smuts - Man of courage and vision, p. 138. {{ISBN|978-1-86842-390-3}}. * I came, I saw, God overcame. ** [[John Sobieski]], to the Pope, with the captured Mussulman standards. * A nice war is a war where everybody who is heroic is a hero, and everybody more or less is a hero in a nice war. Now this war is not at all a nice war. ** [[Gertrude Stein]], ''Wars I Have Seen'', Statement about World War II (written in 1943), p. 77 * War is never fatal but always lost. Always lost. ** [[Gertrude Stein]], ''Wars I Have Seen'' (1945) * War was a kind of poverty with bullets. ** [[Bruce Sterling]], ''Join the Navy and See the Worlds'' (2009) in [[w:Gardner Dozois|Gardner Dozois]] & [[w:Jonathan Strahan|Jonathan Strahan]] (eds.) ''[[w:The New Space Opera 2|The New Space Opera 2]]'' (mass market paperback edition, {{ISBN|978-0-06-156236-5}}), p. 327 * A [[wise]] man does not try to hurry [[history]]. Many [[wars]] have been avoided by patience and many have been precipitated by reckless haste. ** [[Adlai Stevenson II]], ''Speeches of Adlai Stevenson'' (1952), p. 39 * [[Speed]] is the essence of war. Take advantage of the enemy's unpreparedness; travel by unexpected routes and strike him where he has taken no precautions. ** [[Sun Tzu]], ''The Art of War'' * [I]n war the victorious strategist only seeks battle after the victory has been won, whereas he who is destined to defeat first fights and afterwards looks for victory. ** [[Sun Tzu]], [https://suntzusaid.com/book/4/15/ ''The Art of War''] * All warfare is based on deception. ** [[Sun Tzu]], ''Art of War'' * Terrible as an army with banners. ** Song of Solomon, VI. 4 and 10. * Either this or upon this. (Either bring this back or be brought back upon it). ** Said to be a Spartan mother's words to her son on giving him his shield. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * Then more fierce<br>The conflict grew; the din of arms, the yell<br>Of savage rage, the shriek of agony,<br>The groan of death, commingled in one sound<br>Of undistinguish'd horrors. ** [[Robert Southey]], ''Madoc in Wales'' (1805), Part II, XV. * War! war! war!<br>Heaven aid the right!<br>God move the hero's arm in the fearful fight!<br>God send the women sleep in the long, long night,<br> When the breasts on whose strength they leaned shall heave no more. ** [[Edmund Clarence Stedman]], ''Alice of Monmouth: an Idyl of the Great War'' (1864), VII. * The crystal-pointed tents from hill to hill. ** [[Edmund Clarence Stedman]], ''Alice of Monmouth: an Idyl of the Great War'' (1864), XI. * But, Virginians, don't do it, for I tell you that the flagon,<br> Filled with blood of Old Brown's offspring, was first poured by Southern hands;<br>And each drop from Old Brown's life-veins, like the red gore of the Dragon,<br> May spring up a vengeful Fury, hissing through your slave-worn lands:<br>* And Old Brown,<br>* Osawatomie Brown,<br>May trouble you worse than ever, when you've nailed his coffin down. ** [[Edmund Clarence Stedman]], ''How Old Brown Took Harper's Ferry''. Written during Brown's Trial. Nov., 1859. * '''Never run against a war hero.''' ** [[Adlai Stevenson]], who famously campaigned twice for US president against [[Dwight Eisenhower]], when asked if he had any advice to give to a young politician, as quoted in [http://en.epochtimes.com/news/4-11-4/24153.html "History Remembers…Adlai Stevenson" by Maureen Zebian in ''The Epoch Times'' (4 November 2004)]. * Waste of Blood, and waste of Tears<br>Waste of youth's most precious years,<br>Waste of ways the saints have trod,<br>Waste of Glory, waste of God,<br>War! ** [[Geoffrey Studdert Kennedy]], from ''Waste'', in ''More Rough Rhymes of a Padre'' (1919) * When battle approaches, when war arises, the plans of the gods, beloved by the gods, are destroyed. ** [[Sumerian proverb]] from [[Ur]]im, [http://etcsl.orinst.ox.ac.uk/proverbs/t.6.2.3.html Text online] at {{w|The Electronic Text Corpus of Sumerian Literature}}, {{w|3rd millennium BCE}}. * Hobbes clearly proves that every creature<br>Lives in a state of war by nature. ** [[Jonathan Swift]], ''Poetry'', ''A Rhapsody''. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * War, that mad game the world so loves to play. ** [[Jonathan Swift]], ''Ode to Sir William Temple''. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * Not with dreams, but with blood and with iron<br>Shall a nation be moulded to last. ** [[Algernon Charles Swinburne]], ''A Word for the Country''. * War has been the excuse people have made throughout history to take something away from others that didn't belong to them. And it's a never ending cycle. First one group takes away something from the other, then the other wants to take it back, only if they succeed, they take much more. And then it starts all over again. War is caused by greed. ** [[László Széchenyi]], ''Visions of Utopia'', p. 67 == T == [[File:The Old Flag Never Touched the Ground.jpg|thumb|Gods are on the side of the stronger.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Tacitus]]}}]] [[File:Image-UN Swords into Plowshares Statue.JPG|thumb|right|If wars in the [[future]] are to be prevented the [[nations]] must be [[united]] in their determination to keep the [[peace]] under [[law]].<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Harry S. Truman]]}}]] * Ratio et consilium propriæ ducis artes. ** The proper qualities of a general are judgment and deliberation. ** [[Tacitus]], ''Annales'' (AD 117), III. 20. * Deos fortioribus adesse. ** The gods are on the side of the stronger. ** [[Tacitus]], ''Annales'' (AD 117), IV. 17. * We can start at once. We made preparations on the way. ** Commander Joseph K. Taussig for the American Navy, to the British Admiral's query: "When will you be ready?" (1917). Erroneously attributed to Admiral Sims. * [[w:Militarism|Militarism]]... is [[w:Fetishism|fetish]] worship. It is the prostration of men's souls before, and the laceration of their bodies to appease, an [[w:Idolatry|idol]]. ...Reverence for economic activity and industry and what is called business is also fetish worship, and in their devotion to that idol they torture themselves as needlessly, and indulge in the same meaningless antics. ** [[R. H. Tawney]], ''[[The Acquisitive Society]]'' (1920). * A little more grape, Captain Bragg. ** Attributed to General [[Zachary Taylor]] at Buena Vista. Feb. 23, 1847. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * The children born of thee are sword and fire,<br>Red ruin, and the breaking up of law. ** [[Alfred Tennyson]], ''[[Idylls of the King]]'' (published 1859-1885), Guinevere, line 423. * It cannot be made, it shall not be made, it will not be made; but if it were made there would be a war between France and England for the possession of Egypt. ** [[Henry John Temple, 3rd Viscount Palmerston]], speech, 1851, referring to the Suez Canal (an example of an indiscreet and unfulfilled prophecy). * Half a league, half a league,<br> Half a league onward,<br>All in the valley of Death<br> Rode the six hundred.<br>"Forward the Light Brigade!<br> Charge for the guns!" he said,<br>Into the valley of death<br> Rode the six hundred. ** [[Alfred Tennyson]], ''The Charge of the Light Brigade'' (1854), Stanza 1. * Forward, the Light Brigade!<br>Was there a man dismayed?<br> Not tho' the soldier knew<br> Some one had blunder'd.<br>Theirs not to make reply,<br>Theirs not to reason why,<br>Theirs but to do and die.<br> Into the valley of death<br> Rode the six hundred. ** [[Alfred Tennyson]], ''The Charge of the Light Brigade'' (1854), Stanza 2. * Cannon to right of them,<br>Cannon to left of them,<br>Cannon in front of them<br> Volley'd and thunder'd;<br>Stormed at with shot and shell,<br>Boldly they rode and well,<br> Into the jaws of Death,<br>Into the mouth of Hell<br> Rode the six hundred. ** [[Alfred Tennyson]], ''The Charge of the Light Brigade'' (1854), Stanza 3. "Jaws of death" used by Du Bartas—Weekes and Workes. Day I, Part IV. Twelfth Night, Act III, scene 4. * ''Omnia prius experiri verbis quam armis sapientem decet.'' ** [[Terence]], ''Eunuchus'', V. 1. 19. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. ** It becomes a wise man to try negotiation before arms. * Ten good soldiers, wisely led,<br>Will beat a hundred without a head. ** [[D. W. Thompson]], ''Paraphrase of Euripides''. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * The last half of the [[20th century]] will seem like a [[wild]] [[party]] for [[rich]] [[kids]], compared to what's coming now. The party's over, folks. … "[[Winston Churchill]] said "The first casualty of War is always [[Truth]]." Churchill also said "In wartime, the Truth is so precious that it should always be surrounded by a bodyguard of [[Lies]]." <br> That [[wisdom]] will not be much comfort to babies born last week. The first [[news]] they get in this world will be News subjected to [[Military]] [[Censorship]]. That is a given in wartime, along with massive campaigns of deliberately-planted "Dis-information." That is routine behavior in Wartime — for all countries and all combatants — and it makes life difficult for people who value [[real]] news. Count on it. ** [[Hunter S. Thompson]], "When War Drums Roll" (17 September 2001) * Better, far better! Endure all the horrors of civil war than to see the dusky sons of Ham leading the fair daughters of the south to the altar. ** [[w:William Thompson|William M. Thompson]], letter to Warner A. Thompson (2 February 1861), as quoted in [https://books.google.com/books?id=1qhEHVki8tEC&pg=PA19 ''For Cause and Comrades: Why Men Fought in the Civil War''] (1997), by James M. McPherson, New York City: Oxford University Press, Inc., p. 19 * But what most showed the vanity of life<br>Was to behold the nations all on fire. ** [[James Thomson (poet)|James Thomson]], ''Castle of Indolence'' (1748), Canto I. 55. * Be convinced that to be happy means to be free and that to be free means to be brave. Therefore do not take lightly the perils of war. ** [[Thucydides]], "The Funeral Speech", ''The Speeches of Pericles'', trans. H. G. Edinger (1979), p. 39. * "Victory after all, I suppose!" he said, feeling his aching head. "Well, it seems a very gloomy business." ** [[J. R. R. Tolkien]], ''The Hobbit''. * War must be, while we defend our lives against a destroyer who would devour all; but I do not love the bright sword for its sharpness, nor the arrow for its swiftness, nor the warrior for his glory. I love only that which they defend. ** [[J. R. R. Tolkien]], ''The Lord of the Rings'' * A thousand touching traits testify to the sacred power of the love which a righteous war awakes in noble nations. ** [[Heinrich von Treitschke]], ''German History'', Volume I, p. 482. * War is elevating, because the individual disappears before the great conception of the state…. What a perversion of morality to wish to abolish heroism among men! ** [[Heinrich von Treitschke]], ''Politics'', Volume I, p. 74. * God will see to it that war always recurs as a drastic medicine for the human race. ** [[Heinrich von Treitschke]], ''Politics'', Volume I, p. 76. * The struggle against war, properly understood and executed, presupposes the uncompromising hostility of the proletariat and its organizations, always and everywhere, toward its own and every other imperialist bourgeoisie... ** [[Leon Trotsky]] "Resolution on the Antiwar Congress of the London Bureau" (July 1936). * The struggle against war and its social source, capitalism, presupposes direct, active, unequivocal support to the oppressed colonial peoples in their struggles and wars against imperialism. A 'neutral' position is tantamount to support of imperialism. ** [[Leon Trotsky]] "Resolution on the Antiwar Congress of the London Bureau" (July 1936). * They said we were soft, that we would not fight, that we could not win. We are not a warlike nation. We do not go to war for gain or for territory; we go to war for principles, and we produce young men like these. I think I told every one of them that I would rather have that medal, the Congressional Medal of Honor, than to be President of the United States. ** [[Harry S. Truman]], remarks at presentation of the Congressional Medal of Honor to fourteen members of the Navy and Marine Corps (October 5, 1945); in ''Public Papers of the Presidents of the United States: Harry S. Truman, 1945'', p. 375. * '''In bitter despair, some people have come to believe that wars are inevitable. With tragic fatalism, they insist that wars have always been, of necessity, and of necessity wars always will be. To such defeatism, men and women of good will must not and can not yield. The outlook for humanity is not so hopeless.''' ** [[Harry S. Truman]], [https://www.trumanlibrary.org/ww2/stofunio.htm Address Before a Joint Session of the US Congress (16 April 1945)] * '''If wars in the future are to be prevented the nations must be united in their determination to keep the peace under law.''' <br /> Nothing is more essential to the future peace of the world than continued cooperation of the nations which had to muster the force necessary to defeat the conspiracy of the Axis powers to dominate the world. <br /> While these great states have a special responsibility to enforce the peace, their responsibility is based upon the obligations resting upon all states, large and small, not to use force in international relations except in the defense of law. '''The responsibility of the great states is to serve and not to dominate the world.''' ** [[Harry S. Truman]], [https://www.trumanlibrary.org/ww2/stofunio.htm Address Before a Joint Session of the US Congress (16 April 1945)] * '''Any man who sees Europe now must realize that victory in a great war is not something you win once and for all, like victory in a ball game. Victory in a great war is something that must be won and kept won.''' It can be lost after you have won it — if you are careless or negligent or indifferent. <br /> Europe today is hungry. I am not talking about Germans. I am talking about the people of the countries which were overrun and devastated by the Germans, and particularly about the people of Western Europe. Many of them lack clothes and fuel and tools and shelter and raw materials. They lack the means to restore their cities and their factories. <br /> As the winter comes on, the distress will increase. Unless we do what we can to help, we may lose next winter what we won at such terrible cost last spring. '''Desperate men are liable to destroy the structure of their society to find in the wreckage some substitute for hope.''' If we let Europe go cold and hungry, we may lose some of the foundations of order on which the hope for worldwide peace must rest. <br /> '''We must help to the limits of our strength. And we will.''' ** [[Harry S. Truman]], [http://millercenter.org/scripps/archive/speeches/detail/3821 Radio Report to the American People on the Potsdam Conference (9 August 1945)] * “We’d never—” Alexander began, but he didn’t finish the sentence. When you were in a war, who could say what you might be driven to do? ** [[Harry Turtledove]], ''The Great War: Walk in Hell'' (1999), <small> {{ISBN|0-345-40561-7}}, </small> p. 72 * They’d kill him or he’d kill them. War reduced everything to a brutal simplicity. ** [[Harry Turtledove]], ''The Great War: Walk in Hell'' (1999), <small> {{ISBN|0-345-40561-7}}, </small> p. 379 * I’ll tell you, though, this whole business of war would be a hell of a lot more fun if you didn’t get shot. ** [[Harry Turtledove]], ''[[w:The Great War: Breakthroughs|The Great War: Breakthroughs]]'' (2000), <small> {{ISBN|0-345-40563-3}}, </small> p. 245 * He didn’t doubt there would be a next war; there would always be a next war. ** [[Harry Turtledove]], ''[[w:The Great War: Breakthroughs|The Great War: Breakthroughs]]'' (2000), <small> {{ISBN|0-345-40563-3}}, </small> p. 298 * Man is the only animal that deals in that atrocity of atrocities, War. He is the only one that gathers his brethren about him and goes forth in cold blood and calm pulse to exterminate his kind. He is the only animal that for sordid wages will march out … and help to slaughter strangers of his own species who have done him no harm and with whom he has no quarrel … and in the intervals between campaigns he washes the blood off his hands and works for "the universal brotherhood of man" — with his mouth. ** [[Mark Twain]], ''The War Prayer''. * When you have prayed for victory you have prayed for many unmentioned results which follow victory—must follow it, cannot help but follow it. Upon the listening spirit of God the Father fell also the unspoken part of the prayer. He commandeth me to put it into words. Listen!<br><br>"O Lord our Father, our young patriots, idols of our hearts, go forth to battle—be Thou near them! With them—in spirit—we also go forth from the sweet peace of our beloved firesides to smite the foe. O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with anavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with their little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it—for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen". ** [[Mark Twain]], "The War Prayer" (dictated 1904–1905); in ''Europe and Elsewhere'' (1923), p. 397–98. == U == * War without [[fire]] is worth nothing—like [[sausage]]s without mustard. ** [[w:Jean Juvénal des Ursins|Jean Juvénal des Ursins]] or [[Henry V of England|Henry V]] == V == * With [[computers]] acting as the stimulus, the theory of war was assimilated into that of [[microeconomics]]. . . . Instead of evaluating military operations by their product –that is, victory – calculations were cast in terms of input–output and cost effectiveness. Since intuition was replaced by calculation, and since the latter wasto be carried out with the aid of computers, it was necessary that all the phenomena of war be reduced to quantitative form. Consequently everything that could be quantified was, while everything that could not be tended to be thrown onto the garbage heap. ** Martin Van Creveld, ''Technology and War: From 2000 B.C. to the Present'', New York, London: Free Press, Collier Macmillan, 1989, p. 246; as qtd. in Antoine Bosquet, [https://www.academia.edu/390023/Cyberneticizing_the_American_War_Machine_Science_and_Computers_in_the_Cold_War “Cyberneticizing the American War Machine: Science and Computers in the Cold War”], p. 94 * This is the soldier brave enough to tell<br>The glory-dazzled world that "war is hell." ** [[Henry Van Dyke]], on the St. Gaudens' Statue of Gen. Sherman. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * It's really hard to talk about morality and war in the same sentence. In a war, there are so many questionable things done. Where was the morality in the bombing of Coventry, or the bombing of Dresden, or the Bataan Death March, or the Rape of Nanking, or the bombing of Pearl Harbor? I believe that when you're in a war, a nation must have the courage to do what it must to win the war with a minimum loss of lives. ** [[Theodore Van Kirk]], as quoted in [https://www.nytimes.com/1995/08/06/world/hiroshima-enola-gay-s-crew-recalls-the-flight-into-a-new-era.html?pagewanted=all "HIROSHIMA - Enola Gay's Crew Recalls The Flight Into a New Era"] (1995), ''The New York Times'' * [[Veterans for Peace]] knows that the U.S. is a nation addicted to war. At this time of uncertainty, it is critically important that we, as veterans, continue to be clear and concise that our nation must turn from war to diplomacy and peace. It is high time to unwind all these tragic, failed and unnecessary wars of aggression, domination and plunder. It is time to turn a page in history and to build a new world based on human rights, equality and mutual respect for all. We must build momentum toward real and lasting peace. Nothing less than the survival of human civilization is at stake. ** [https://www.veteransforpeace.org/our-work/position-statements/veterans-peace-statement-us-troops-withdrawal-syria? From ''Veterans For Peace Statement on Withdrawal of U.S. Troops from Syria,'' Full text online] (19 December 2018) * ''Arma virumque cano.'' ** Arms and the man I sing. ** [[Virgil]], ''[[w:Aeneid|Æneid]]'' (c. 29-19 BC), Book I, 1. * ''Quaeque ipse miserrima vidi<br>et quorum pars magna fui.'' ** I saw these terrible things,<br>and took great part in them. ** [[Virgil]], ''[[w:Aeneid|Æneid]]'' (c. 29-19 BC), trans. James H. Mantinband (1964), book II, lines 5–6, p. 25. This sentence has also been translated as: "All of which misery I saw, and a great part of which I was". Aeneas was describing the sack of [[Troy]]. * ''Una salus victis nullam sperare salutem.'' ** The only safety for the conquered is to expect no safety. ** [[Virgil]], ''[[w:Aeneid|Æneid]]'' (c. 29-19 BC), Book II, 354. * ''Dolus an virtus quis in hoste requirat?'' ** Who asks whether the enemy were defeated by strategy or valor? ** [[Virgil]], ''[[w:Aeneid|Æneid]]'' (c. 29-19 BC), Book II, 390. * ''Exigui numero, sed bello vivida virtus.'' ** Small in number, but their valor tried in war, and glowing. ** [[Virgil]], ''[[w:Aeneid|Æneid]]'' (c. 29-19 BC), Book V, 754. * ''Bella, horrida bella.'' ** Wars, horrible wars. ** [[Virgil]], ''[[w:Aeneid|Æneid]]'' (c. 29-19 BC), Book VI, 86. * ''Sævit amor ferri et scelerata insania belli.'' ** The love of arms and the mad wickedness of war are raging. ** [[Virgil]], ''[[w:Aeneid|Æneid]]'' (c. 29-19 BC), Book VII, 461. * ''Nullum cum victis certamen et æthere cassis.'' ** Brave men ne'er warred with the dead and vanquished. ** [[Virgil]], ''[[w:Aeneid|Æneid]]'' (c. 29-19 BC), Book XI, 104. * ''On dit que Dieu est toujours pour les gros bataillons.'' ** It is said that God is always on the side of the heaviest battalions. ** [[Voltaire]], letter to M. le Riche. Feb. 6, 1770. Earlier said by Marechal Jacques d'Étampes, marquis de la Ferté to Anne of Austria. See Boursault—Lettres Nouvelles, p. 384. (Ed. 1698). Attributed to General Moreau by Alison; to General Charles Lee, by Hawthorne—Life of Washington. == W == [[File:GeorgeWashington.jpg|thumb|To be prepared for war is onto the most effectual means of preserving peace. ~ [[George Washington]]]] [[File:INF3-17 Production of tanks Artist Terence Cuneo 1939-1946.jpg|thumb|If we don’t end war, war will end us.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[H. G. Wells]]}}]] [[File:Wellington at Waterloo Hillingford.jpg|thumb|Nothing except a battle lost can be half so melancholy as a battle won.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;''The Wellington—Despatch''}}]] * Why does the Air Force need expensive new bombers? Have the people we've been bombing over the years been complaining? **[[George Wallace]], as quoted in ''Absurdities, Scandals & Stupidities in Politics'' (2006) by Hakeem Shittu and Callie Query, p. 106. * On to Richmond. ** [[Fitz-Henry Warren]]. Used as a standing headline in the N. Y. Tribune, by Dana, June–July, 1861, before the McDowell campaign. * A great and lasting war can never be supported on this principle [patriotism] alone. It must be aided by a prospect of interest, or some reward. ** [[George Washington]], letter to John Banister. Valley Forge, April 21, 1778 * To be prepared for war is onto the most effectual means of preserving peace. ** [[George Washington]], as quoted in ''Writings of George Washington'', Fitzpatrick, ed. Vol. 30, p. 491, “First Annual Address to Congress,” January 8, 1790. * They went to war against a preamble, they fought seven years against a declaration. ** [[Daniel Webster]], speech on the Presidential Protest. May 17, 1834. * Up Guards and at 'em! ** Attributed to Wellington during the Battle of Waterloo. Denied by the Duke to Mr. Croker, in answer to a letter written March 14, 1852. "What I must have said, and possibly did say was, 'Stand up guards!' and then gave the order to attack." See J. W. Choker's Memoirs, p. 544. Also Sir Herbert Maxwell's Biography of Wellington. * Nothing except a battle lost can be half so melancholy as a battle won. ** Wellington—Despatch. (1815). Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * The battle of Waterloo was won on the playing field of Eton. ** Attributed to Wellington. "The battle of Waterloo was won here," was said by the Duke of Wellington when present at a cricket match at Eton. Prof. W. Selwyn—Waterloo, a Lay of Jubilee. (Second Ed.). * ''The War That Will End War''. ** [[H. G. Wells]], book title, 1914. While the phrase "The war to end war" is often associated with Woodrow Wilson, its authorship was claimed by Wells in an article in ''Liberty'' (December 29, 1934), p. 4. Bertrand Russell also credited Wells in ''Portraits from Memory'' (1956), p. 83. A cynical version attributed to David Lloyd George is: "This war, like the next war, is a war to end war". See William Safire, ''Safire's Political Dictionary'' (1978), p. 777, for contemporary uses of the phrase. * A time will come when a politician who has wilfully made war and promoted international dissension will be as sure of the dock and much surer of the noose than a private homicide. It is not reasonable that those who gamble with men's lives should not stake their own. ** [[H. G. Wells]], ''The Salvaging of Civilization'' (1921), chapter 1, conclusion, p. 40. * '''The atomic bomb had dwarfed the international issues to complete insignificance.''' When our minds wandered from the preoccupations of our immediate needs, we speculated upon the possibility of stopping the use of these frightful explosives before the world was utterly destroyed. For to us it seemed quite plain that these bombs and the still greater power of destruction of which they were the precursors might quite easily shatter every relationship and institution of mankind... war must end and that '''the only way to end war was to have but one government for mankind'''. :* [[H.G. Wells]] Ch. 3, Section 1 * The whole art of war consists in getting at what is on the other side of the hill. ** [[Arthur Wellesley, 1st Duke of Wellington]], Saying. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * '''If we don’t end war, war will end us.''' ** The character John Cabal in [[H. G. Wells]] in ''[[w:Things to Come|Things to Come]]'' (1936). * [[w:Urban warfare|Urban warfare]] remains characterized by slow, massive [[destruction]]. Yet 50 years ago, there were no [[computers]], no [[internet]], no [[w:GPS|GPS]], no [[w:UAVs|UAVs]], no digital communications, no night-vision devices, and no precision strikes. Two facts account for the lack of change in tactics. First, cities are constructed of [[steel]] and [[w:concrete|concrete]], with streets providing the open spaces, which are usually linear. Any fighter in the open is quickly cut down. No technology can accurately detect and count humans inside [[buildings]] and [[w:Tunnels|tunnels]]. So the attacker must advance by blasting through the sides of buildings and slowly, slowly search every room. Second, tens to hundreds of thousands of civilians can be trapped in the cities. The [[terrorists]] in [[w:Mosul|Mosul]] have prevented the civilians from leaving in order to use them as shields. ** Bing West, [https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2017/06/urban-warfare-hue-mosul/532173/ “Urban Warfare, Then and Now”], ''The Atlantic'', (Jun 30, 2017). * This new Katterfelto, his show to complete,<br>Means his boats should all sink as they pass by our fleet;<br>Then as under the ocean their course they steer right on,<br>They can pepper their foes from the bed of old Triton. ** [[Henry Kirke White]], ''The Wonderful Juggler'', anticipating the submarine, in Napoleon's day. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * ''War! What is it good for? Absolutely nothing! <br> There's got to be a better way <br> What is it good for? <br> War has caused unrest <br> Among the younger generation <br> Induction then destruction <br> Who wants to die? <br> ... <br> War-I despise <br> Because it means destruction <br> Of innocent lives <br> War means tears <br> To thousands of mothers how <br> When their sons go off to fight <br> And lose their lives <br> ... <br> It's an enemy of all mankind <br> No point of war <br> Because you're a man <br> ... <br> War has shattered <br> Many young men's dreams <br> We've got no place for it today <br> They say we must fight to keep our freedom <br> But Lord, there's just got to be a better way <br> It ain't nothing but a heartbreaker <br> '''Friend only to the undertaker''''' ** {{w|Norman Whitfield}} and {{w|Barrett Strong}}, ''[[w:War (The Temptations song)|War]]'', ''{{w|Psychedelic Shack}}'' (1969) ** ''Life is much to short and precious <br> To spend fighting wars these days <br> War can't give life <br> It can only take it away <br> ... <br> War, it ain't nothing but a heartbreaker <br> War, friend only to the undertaker <br> Peace, love and understanding <br> Tell me, is there no place for them today.'' *** {{w|Edwin Starr}} version, ''[[w:War (Edwin Starr song)|War]]'', ''[[w:War & Peace (Edwin Starr album)|War & Peace]]''. (1970) * Now we remember over here in Flanders,<br>(It isn't strange to think of You in Flanders!)<br> This hideous warfare seems to make things clear.<br>We never thought about You much in England,<br>But now that we are far away from England<br> We have no doubts, we know that You are here. ** Mrs. C. T. Whitnall—Christ in Flanders. First appeared in the London Spectator. Later in the Outlook. July 26, 1916. * We seemed to see our flag unfurled,<br> Our champion waiting in his place<br>For the last battle of the world,<br> The Armageddon of the race. ** [[John Greenleaf Whittier]], ''Rantoul''. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * As long as war is regarded as wicked it will always have its fascinations. When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be popular. ** [[Oscar Wilde]], ''Intentions''. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * I will die in the last ditch. (Dyke). ** William of Orange. Hume—History of England, Chapter XLIII. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * Germany's greatness makes it impossible for her to do without the ocean, but the ocean also proves that even in the distance, and on its farther side, without Germany and the German Emperor, no great decision dare henceforth be taken. ** [[Wilhelm II, German Emperor|William II]], the former German Emperor—Speech, July, 1900. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * Our German Fatherland to which I hope will be granted … to become in the future as closely united, as powerful, and as authoritative as once the Roman world-empire was, and that, just as in the old times they said, "Civis romanus sum," hereafter, at some time in the future, they will say, "I am a German citizen." ** William II, the former German Emperor—Speech, in Oct., 1900. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * Every bullet has its billet. ** King William III, according to Wesley—Journal, June 6, 1765. Also in Song by H. R. Bishop, sung in The Circassian Bride. Quoted by Sterne—Tristram Shandy, Volume VIII, Chapter XIX. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * It's a long way to Tipperary, it's a long way to go;<br>It's a long way to Tipperary, to the sweetest girl I know!<br>Good-bye to Piccadilly, Farewell Leicester Square;<br>It's a long way to Tipperary, but my Heart's right there! ** Harry Williams and Jack Judge—It's a Long Way to Tipperary. Popular in The Great War. Chorus claimed by Alice Smythe B. Jay. Written in 1908. See N. Y. Times, Sept. 20, 1907. * War is only a sort of dramatic representation, a sort of dramatic symbol of a thousand forms of duty. I fancy that it is just as hard to do your duty when men are sneering at you as when they are shooting at you. ** [[Woodrow Wilson]], speech, Brooklyn Navy Yard, May 11, 1914. * You have laid upon me this double obligation: "we are relying upon you, Mr. President, to keep us out of war, but we are relying upon you, Mr. President, to keep the honor of the nation unstained." ** [[Woodrow Wilson]], speech, At Cleveland. Jan. 29, 1916. * It is not an army that we must train for war; it is a nation. ** [[Woodrow Wilson]], speech, At dedication of a Red Cross Building, May 12, 1917. * In short, if newspapers were written by people whose sole object in writing was to tell the truth about politics and the truth about art we should not believe in war, and we should believe in art. ** [[Virginia Woolf]] in ''The Three Guineas''. * They came with banner, spear, and shield;<br>And it was proved in Bosworth field,<br>Not long the Avenger was withstood—<br>Earth help'd him with the cry of blood. ** [[William Wordsworth]], ''Song at the Feast of Brougham Castle'', Stanza 3. Last line probably taken from John Beaumont's Battle of Flodden Field. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * But Thy most dreaded instrument<br>In working out a pure intent,<br>Is man,—arrayed for mutual slaughter,—<br>Yea, Carnage is Thy daughter. ** [[William Wordsworth]], ''Poems dedicated to National Independence and Liberty'' (1815), Ode XLV. Suppressed in later editions. "But Man is thy most awful instrument, / In working out a pure intent; / Thou cloth'st the wicked in their dazzling mail, / And for thy righteous purpose they prevail." Version in later editions. * Everyone loses in war, even the winners. ** [[John C. Wright]], ''Orphans of Chaos'' (2005), Chapter 7, “Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea” Section 2 * War is murder, king-sized. ** [[John C. Wright]], ''Fugitives of Chaos'' (2006), Chapter 18, “Festive Days on the Slopes of Vesuvius” == Z == * As regards Providence, he cannot shake off the prejudice that in war, God is on the side of the big battalions, which at present are in the enemy's camp. ** [[Zeller]], ''Frederick the Great as Philosopher''. Referring to Œuvres de Frederic, XVIII. 186–188, the contents of a letter from Frederick to the Duchess of Gotha, about 1757. Carlyle gives the date of the letter as May 8, 1760, in his History of Frederick the Great, II, Book XIX, Volume V, p. 606. * Look, there is one statement that bothers me more than anything else, and that's the idea that when the troops are in combat everybody has to shut up. Imagine if we put troops in combat with a faulty rifle, and that rifle was malfunctioning and troops were dying as a result. I can't think anyone would allow that to happen, that would not speak up. Well, what's the difference between a faulty plan and strategy that's getting just as many troops killed? ** Gen. [[Anthony Zinni]], U.S. Marine Corps (Ret.), former [[w:CENTCOM|CENTCOM]] Commander-in-Chief, 2004-05-21, television interview on CBS's ''60 Minutes''. == Unknown authorship == * War is much too serious a matter to be entrusted to the military. ** Attributed to various Frenchmen including Talleyrand, Clemenceau, and Briand. Reported as unverified in ''Respectfully Quoted: A Dictionary of Quotations'' (1989). Often heard, "… entrusted to generals". * Months of boredom punctuated by moments of terror. ** Early appearance in ''The New York Times Current History of the European War'' ([https://books.google.com/books?id=50FIAQAAIAAJ&q=boredom%20punctuated%20by%20moments%20of%20terror&dq=boredom%20punctuated%20by%20moments%20of%20terror&hl=en&sa=X&ei=vVIaUcvoO5GO4gTb3YDwDQ&redir_esc=y 1915]) * It took me nearly a whole day to drive from Tokmak to the village of sonovka. I kept passing large Russian settlements on the road ... then Kirghiz villages completely ruined and razed literally to the ground - villages where, but three short years previously, there had been busy bazaars and farms surrounded with gardens and fields of luzerne. Now on every side a desert. It seemed incredible that it was possible in so short a time to wipe whole villages off the face of the earth, with their well-developed system of farming. It was only with the most attentive search that i could find the short stumps of their trees and remains of their irrigation canals. The destruction of the aryks or irrigation canals in this district quickly reduced a highly developed farming district into a desert and blotted out all traces of cultivation and settlement. Only in the water meadows and low-lying ground near the stream is any cultivation possible. ** Attributed to an observer of the aftermath of the [[w:Central Asian revolt of 1916|Central Asian revolt of 1916]] in 1919 in page 158 of ''The Revolt of 1916 in Russian Central Asia'' ==War quotations in fiction== [[File:Arlington_National_Cemetery_Seal.png|thumb|No, war is never inevitable. It must be the course of last resort. How great would be the guilt of an unnecessary war? ~ [[David McCullough|David McCullough]]]] [[File:White_Doves_at_the_Blue_Mosque_(5778806606).jpg|thumb|Make a [[w:War hawk|hawk]] a [[w:War dove|dove]], <br> Stop a war with [[love]], <br> Make a [[liar]] tell the [[truth]]. ~ [[w:Charles Fox |Charles Fox]]]] [[File:Delta-shield.svg|thumb|The Minstrel-Boy to the war is gone, <br> In the ranks of death you'll find him; <br> His father's sword he has girded on, <br> And his wild harp slung behind him. <br> "Land of song!" said the warrior-bard, <br> "Tho' all the world betrays thee, <br> One sword, at least, thy rights shall guard, <br> One faithful harp shall praise thee!" ~ [[Thomas Moore]]]] *'''[[James McHenry]]''': War is inevitable, sir. :'''[[John Adams]]''': No, war is never inevitable. It must be the course of last resort. How great would be the guilt of an unnecessary war? :* [[James McHenry]] as interpreted by [[w:Zak Orth|Zak Orth]] and [[John Adams]] as interpreted by [[w:Paul Giamatti|Paul Giamatti]] in ''[[w:John Adams (miniseries)|John Adams]]'', written by [[w:Kirk Ellis|Kirk Ellis]], "Part VI: Unnecessary War", (March 16 – April 27, 2008); based on the book by [[w:David McCullough|David McCullough]] * Make a [[w:War hawk|hawk]] a [[w:War dove|dove]], <br> Stop a war with [[love]], <br> Make a [[liar]] tell the [[truth]]. :* [[w:Charles Fox |Charles Fox]], [[w:Wonder Woman TV series|Wonder Woman TV series]], (November 7, 1975). * There are always casualties in war, gentlemen — otherwise it wouldn't be war. It'd just be a rather nasty argument with lots of pushing-and-shoving. ** [[w:Arnold_Rimmer|Arnold Rimmer]] in ''[[w:Red_Dwarf|Red Dwarf]]: [[w:Meltdown_(Red_Dwarf_episode)|Meltdown]]''. Rob Grant, Doug Naylor * Anyone who clings to the historically untrue — and thoroughly immoral — doctrine that 'violence never settles anything' I would advise to conjure up the ghosts of [[Napoleon Bonaparte]] and of the [[Arthur Wellesley, 1st Duke of Wellington|Duke of Wellington]] and let them debate it. The ghost of [[Adolf Hitler|Hitler]] could referee, and the jury might well be the [[Dodo]], the [[w:Great Auk|Great Auk]], and the [[w:Passenger Pigeon|Passenger Pigeon]]. Violence settled their fates quite nicely. Violence, naked force, has settled more issues in history than has any other factor, and the contrary opinion is wishful thinking at its worst. Breeds that forget this basic truth have always paid for it with their lives and freedoms. ** Mr. Dubois, ''[[Starship Troopers]]'', by [[Robert A. Heinlein]]. *'''[[w:James T. Kirk|Captain Kirk]]''': [[Death]], [[destruction]], [[disease]], [[horror]]. That's what war is all about, Anan. That's what makes it a thing to be avoided. You've made it [[neat]] and [[painless]]. So neat and painless, you've had no [[reason]] to stop it. :* Captain [[w:James T. Kirk|James T. Kirk]], as interpreted by [[William Shatner]] in "[[w:A Taste of Armageddon|A Taste of Armageddon]]", ''[[Star Trek: The Original Series|Star Trek]]'', story by [[w:Robert Hamner|Robert Hamner]]; teleplay by [[w:Gene L. Coon|Gene L. Coon]] & Robert Hamner; (February 23, 1967) *'''Spock''': Captain, you took a big [[chance]]. :'''Kirk''': Did I, Mister Spock? They've been [[killing]] three million people a year. It had been going on for five hundred years. An actual attack wouldn't have killed any more people than one of their [[computer]] attacks, but it would have ended their ability to make war. The [[fighting]] would have been over permanently. :'''McCoy''': But you didn't [[know]] that it would [[work]]. :'''Kirk''': No. It was a calculated [[risk]]. Still, the Eminians keep a very [[orderly]] [[society]], and actual war is a very messy [[business]]. '''A very, very messy business.''' I had a [[feeling]] that they would do anything to avoid it, even [[talk]] [[peace]]. :* "[[w:A Taste of Armageddon|A Taste of Armageddon]]", ''[[Star Trek: The Original Series|Star Trek]]'', story by [[w:Robert Hamner|Robert Hamner]]; teleplay by [[w:Gene L. Coon|Gene L. Coon]] & Robert Hamner; (February 23, 1967) * '''Luke''': I'm looking for a great warrior.<br>'''Yoda''': Great warrior. [Laughs] Wars not make one great. ** [[George Lucas]], Leigh Brackett, and Lawrence Kasdan, ''[[The Empire Strikes Back]]'' (1980). * What this war represents is a [[failure]] to listen. Now you're closer to the Chancellor than anyone, please, ask him to stop the fighting and let the [[diplomacy]] resume. ** [[George Lucas]] [[w:Padmé_Amidala|Padmé Amidala]] in ''[[w:Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith|Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith]]'' 2005. * Wars don't ennoble men, it turns them into dogs, poisons the soul. ** Terrence Malick Private Witt in ''[[The Thin Red Line (1998 film)|The Thin Red Line]]''. * Property, the whole thing's about property. ** Terrence Malick First Sergeant Welsh, ''The Thin Red Line''. * There's a beast in every man. And it awakens when you put a sword in his hand. ** [[George R. R. Martin]] Ser Jorah Mormont, ''[[Game of Thrones]]''. * War makes thieves of many honest folk. ** Tom O'Sevens, in George R.R. Martin, ''[[A Song of Ice and Fire#A Storm of Swords|A Storm of Swords]]'', Chapter Arya (I) * The Minstrel-Boy to the war is gone, <br> In the ranks of death you'll find him; <br> His father's sword he has girded on, <br> And his wild harp slung behind him. <br> "Land of song!" said the warrior-bard, <br> "Tho' all the world betrays thee, <br> One sword, at least, thy rights shall guard, <br> One faithful harp shall praise thee!" ** [[Thomas Moore]], ''[[w:The Minstrel Boy|The Minstrel Boy]]'', verse 1; ''Irish Melodies'', (1813) * Once that first bullet goes past your head, politics and all that shit just goes right out the window. ** Ken Nolan Sergeant First Class Norm "Hoot" Gibson, ''[[Black Hawk Down]]''. * When I go home, people ask me: "Hey Hoot, why do you do it man? Why? You some kinda war junkie?", I won't say a god damn word. Why? They won't understand. They won't understand why we do it. They won't understand it's about the men next to you. And that's it. That's all it is. ** Ken Nolan Sergeant First Class Norm "Hoot" Gibson, ''Black Hawk Down''. * With every man I kill, the farther away from home I feel. ** Robert Rodat, Captain John Miller, ''[[Saving Private Ryan]]''. * I think now, looking back, we did not fight the enemy; we fought ourselves. The enemy was in us. The war is over for me now, but it will always be there, the rest of my days. As I'm sure Elias will be, fighting with Barnes for what Rhah called "possession of my soul." There are times since, I've felt like a child, born of those two fathers. But be that as it may, those of us who did make it have an obligation to build again. To teach to others what we know, and to try with what's left of our lives to find a goodness and a meaning to this life. ** [[Oliver Stone]], Chris Taylor, ''[[Platoon]]''. * If '''you''' are not affected, if '''you''' are not hurt by what we do, then '''you''' will not do anything to stop it. The war will simply continue. As long as it is just the soldiers, these barbaric men with guns who kill each other, as long as the damage is far away, the destruction and death out of your sight, then no amount of hand wringing and moral outrage will make it end. If '''you''' are affected, if your farms, your crops are destroyed, your neat buildings in your perfect towns burned to the ground, then there will be a reason to stop this. War is not tidy, it is not convenient, it is '''everywhere.''' It has to be felt by '''everyone.''' War '''is''' hell. ** General [[William Tecumseh Sherman]] from the [[w:Jeff Shaara|Jeff Shaara]] novel ''[[w:The Last Full Measure|The Last Full Measure]]''. * A story. A man fires a rifle for many years. and he goes to war. And afterwards he comes home, and he sees that whatever else he may do with his life - build a house, love a woman, change his son's diaper - he will always remain a jarhead. And all the jarheads killing and dying, they will always be me. We are still in the desert. ** Anthony Swofford, ''[[Jarhead]]''. [[File:Alvim-correa12.jpg|thumb|200px|And before we [[judge]] of them too harshly we must remember what ruthless and utter [[destruction]] our own species has wrought, not only upon [[animals]], such as the vanished [[w:Bison|bison]] and the [[w:Dodo|dodo]], but upon its inferior [[races]]. The [[w:Aboriginal Tasmanians|Tasmanian]]s, in spite of their [[human]] likeness, were entirely swept out of existence in a war of extermination waged by [[European]] [[immigrants]], in the space of fifty years. Are we such [[apostles]] of [[mercy]] as to [[complain]] if the [[w:Mars in fiction|Martians]] warred in the same [[spirit]]? ~ [[H.G. Wells]] ]] * We few, we happy few, we band of brothers: for he today that sheds his blood with me shall be my brother. ** King Henry, in ''[[Henry V (play)|King Henry V]]'', act 4 scene 3, [[William Shakespeare]] *'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]'': Of course you realize, this means war! * [[w:Tedd Pierce|Tedd Pierce]], ''[[w:Merrie Melodies|Merrie Melodies]]'', "[[w:Case of the Missing Hare|Case of the Missing Hare]]", ''[[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]]'' (December 12, 1942). * In God's name, march: True hope is swift, and flies with swallow's wings: Kings it makes gods, and meaner creatures kings. ** [[Richard III (play)|Richard III]], act 5 scene 2, by [[William Shakespeare]] * If we be conquered, let men conquer us, and not these bastard Bretons; whom our fathers have in their own land beaten, bobb'd, and thump'd, and in record, left them the heirs of shame. Shall these enjoy our lands? lie with our wives? Ravish our daughters? ** Richard III, act 5 scene 3, by [[William Shakespeare]] * If you need to stop an [[w:Asteroid|asteroid]], you call [[Superman]]. If you need to solve a [[mystery]], you call [[Batman]]. But if you need to end a [[war]], you call [[Wonder Woman]]. ** [[w:Gail Simone|Gail Simone]], ''Wonder Woman'', vol.3 {{fact}} * It's all an accident, an accident of hands. Mine, others, all without mind, from one extreme to another, but neither works nor will ever. Yet we stand here in the middle of no man's land. ** Sergeant Steiner considers the causes of WW2's eastern front as he releases a young Russian soldier, ''[[Cross of Iron]]''. * You do not want a war. You have seen violence, you have suffered loss. But you have seen nothing of war. War is not just the business of death. It is the antithesis of life. Hope tortured and flayed, reason dismembered, grinning at its limbs in its lap. Decency raped to death. ** [[Joss Whedon]] Urrkon of the D'avvrus, in ''Fray''. * And before we [[judge]] of them too harshly we must remember what ruthless and utter [[destruction]] our own species has wrought, not only upon [[animals]], such as the vanished [[w:Bison|bison]] and the [[w:Dodo|dodo]], but upon its inferior [[races]]. The [[w:Aboriginal Tasmanians|Tasmanian]]s, in spite of their [[human]] likeness, were entirely swept out of existence in a war of extermination waged by [[European]] [[immigrants]], in the space of fifty years. Are we such [[apostles]] of [[mercy]] as to [[complain]] if the [[w:Mars in fiction|Martians]] warred in the same [[spirit]]? ** [[H.G. Wells]] ''The War of the Worlds'', Book I, Ch. 1: The Eve of the War * The problem with gun runners going to war, is that there is no shortage of ammunition. ** Simeon Weisz, ''[[Lord of War]]''. ==See also== {{col-begin}} {{col-2}} * [[Anti-war movement]] * [[Disarmament]] * [[Just war theory]] * [[Military]] * [[Military-industrial complex]] * [[Nuclear war]] * [[Pacifism]] * [[Peace]] {{col-2}} * [[The Pentagon]] * [[Soldiers]] * [[Violence]] * [[War and peace]] * [[War of aggression]] * [[War crimes]] * [[Weapons]] {{col-end}} * [[William Shakespeare quotes about war|Shakespeare quotes about war]] * [[:Category:Wars and battles]] {{Social and political philosophy}} ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{wiktionary|war}} {{wikisource portal|Wars}} {{Commons}} [[Category:War| ]] 0b4dyd3vlfyytgf15opgcap94zozuju 3778740 3778739 2025-07-14T15:32:42Z 160.72.80.178 /* H */ "Cleanuo if link"~~~~NHPL 3778740 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Battle of Thermopylae Spartans and Persians.jpg|thumb|They sent forth men to battle. But no such men return.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Aeschylus]]}}]] [[File:Syria.BasharAlAssad.jpg|thumb|Have you heard about "good war"? I don't think anyone have heard about good war. It's a war, you always have casualties, you always have innocent people, people being killed by any means, no one can tell how...<br> ~&nbsp;[[Bashar al-Assad]] ]] [[File:Julian Assange in Ecuadorian Embassy cropped.jpg|thumb|If wars can be started with lies, they can be stopped by truth. ~ [[Julian Assange]]]] '''[[w:War|War]]''' is an intense armed [[conflict]] between [[State|states]], [[Government|governments]], [[societies]], or [[W:paramilitary groups|paramilitary groups]] such as [[Mercenary|mercenaries]], [[w:insurgent|insurgents]], and [[W:militias|militias]]. It is generally characterized by extreme [[violence]], [[aggression]], [[destruction]], and [[mortality]], using regular or irregular [[military]] forces. __NOTOC__ {{TOCalpha|[[#Unknown authorship|Unknown authorship]] • [[#War quotations in fiction|War quotations in fiction]]}} == A == * It would be superfluous in me to point out to [[John Russell, 1st Earl Russell|your Lordship]] that this is war. ** [[Charles Francis Adams, Sr.|Charles Francis Adams Sr.]], Despatch to [[John Russell, 1st Earl Russell|Earl Russell]] at a period of diplomatic tension between the US and Britain during the [[American Civil War]] (September 5, 1863); ''Correspondence concerning Claims against Great Britain'', [https://archive.org/details/correspondenceco311unit/page/364/mode/2up vol. 2] (Washington, D.C., 1870), p. 365 * My voice is still for war. ** [[Joseph Addison]], ''{{w|Cato, a Tragedy}}'' (1713), act 2, sc. 1 * They sent forth men to battle,<br>But no such men return;<br>And home, to claim their welcome,<br>Come ashes in an urn. ** [[Aeschylus]], ''[[w:Oresteia|Agamemnon]]'', ll. 423–45 (tr. Philip Vellacott, 1956; rev. 1959) * What is the only provocation that could bring about the use of [[nuclear weapons]]? Nuclear weapons. What is the priority target for nuclear weapons? Nuclear weapons. What is the only established defense against nuclear weapons? Nuclear weapons. How do we prevent the use of nuclear weapons? By threatening the use of nuclear weapons. And we can't get rid of nuclear weapons, because of nuclear weapons. The intransigence, it seems, is a function of the weapons themselves. ** [[Martin Amis]], ''{{w|Einstein's Monsters}}'' (1987), "Thinkability" * The arms race is a race between nuclear weapons and ourselves. ** Martin Amis, ''Einstein's Monsters'' (1987), "Thinkability" * There are two rules of war that have not yet been invalidated by the [[New world order (politics)|new world order]]. The first rule is that the belligerent nation must be fairly sure that its actions will make things better; the second rule is that the belligerent nation must be more or less certain that its actions won't make things worse. America could perhaps claim to be satisfying the first rule (while admitting that the improvement may be only local and short term). It cannot begin to satisfy the second. ** [[Martin Amis]], [https://web.archive.org/web/20031013065253/http://www.globalpolicy.org/wtc/analysis/2003/0304palace.htm "The Palace of the End"], in ''The Guardian'' (4 March 2003) * A great [[historian]], [[Henry Steele Commager]], said that in their lust for victory, neither traditional party is looking beyond November. And he went on to cite three issues that their platforms totally ignore: [[Nuclear war|atomic warfare]], Presidential Directive 59 notwithstanding. If we don't resolve that issue, all others become irrelevant. The issue of our natural resources; the right of posterity to inherit the [[earth]], and what kind of earth will it be? The issue of [[nationalism]] — the recognition, he says, that every major problem confronting us is global, and cannot be solved by nationalism here or elsewhere — that is chauvinistic, that is parochial, that is as [[Anachronism|anachronistic]] as [[states' rights]] was in the days of [[Jefferson Davis]]. ** [[John B. Anderson]], [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/presidential-debate-baltimore-reagan-anderson 1980 Presidential Debate], (21 September 1980) * Let who will boast their courage in the field,<br>I find but little safety from my shield.<br>Nature's, not honour's, law we must obey:</br>This made me cast my useless shield away,<br>And by a prudent flight and cunning save<br>A life, which valour could not, from the grave.<br>A better buckler I can soon regain;<br>But who can get another life again? ** [[Archilochus]], fragment 6, quoted by [[Plutarch]], [[w:Moralia (Plutarch)|''Instituta Laconica'']] (tr. Several Hands, 1691). Reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's]]'' (1922), p. 841 * Instead of breaking that bridge, we should, if possible, provide another, that he may retire the sooner out of Europe. ** [[Aristides]], referring to the proposal to destroy Xerxes' bridge of ships over the Hellespont. ("A bridge for a retreating army.") See [[Plutarch]], ''Life of Demosthenes''. Reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's]]'' (1922), p. 841 * This is war. '''Have you heard about "good war"? I don't think anyone have heard about good war. It's a war, you always have casualties, you always have innocent people, people being killed by any means''', no one can tell how... ** [[Bashar al-Assad]], [https://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/syria-s-president-bashar-al-assad-speaks-nbc-news-n608746 Interview with Bill Neely], ''NBC News'' (July 2016) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=45odEv_1DAY] * If wars can be started with lies, they can be stopped by [[truth]]. ** [[Julian Assange]], as quoted in Sam Carliner, [https://www.commondreams.org/views/2021/10/22/fate-anti-war-journalism-lies-upcoming-assange-hearings "Fate of Anti-War Journalism Lies in Upcoming Assange Hearings"], ''Common Dreams'' (October 22, 2021) == B == [[File:Soldiers in trench.jpg|thumb|Comrade, I did not want to kill you. If you jumped in here again, I would not do it, if you would be sensible too. But you were only an idea to me before, an abstraction that lived in my mind and called forth its appropriate response. It was that abstraction I stabbed. ~&nbsp;[[w:Paul Bäumer|Paul Bäumer]] ]] [[File:Bulava SLBM launched by Yuri Dolgoruky submarine.jpg|thumb|The paradox of [[nuclear weapons]] is that the most powerful weapons ever created have no practical value as actual weapons of war, since there can be no winner in a war that kills everybody. ~ [[Medea Benjamin]] ]] [[File:RAF C-17 at Kabul Airport.jpg|thumb|I refuse to continue in a war that was no longer in the service of the vital national interest of our people. <br>~ [[Joe Biden]] ]] [[File:Bourne.jpg|thumb|War is the [[health]] of the [[State]].<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Randolph Bourne]]}}]] [[File:General Bradley.jpg|thumb|Wars can be prevented just as surely as they can be provoked, and we who fail to prevent them must share the guilt for the [[dead]].<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Omar Bradley]]}}]] [[File:Smedley Butler and Jiggs, circa 1926 (14773593761).jpg|thumb|War is a racket. It always has been. It is possibly the oldest, easily the most profitable, surely the most vicious. It is the only one international in scope. It is the only one in which the profits are reckoned in dollars and the losses in lives. ~ [[Smedley Butler]]]] * I refused to continue in a war that was no longer in the service of the vital national interest of our people. ... We’ve been a nation too long at war. If you're 20 years old today, you have never known an America at [[peace]]. ** [[Joe Biden]], [https://ae.usembassy.gov/remarks-by-president-biden-on-the-end-of-the-war-in-afghanistan/ Remarks on the end of the War in Afghanistan] (September 1, 2021) * War can be and is mass murder, where the motive is wrong. It can be sacrifice and right action, where the motive is right. The slaying of a man in the act of killing the defenseless is not regarded as murder. The principle remains the same, whether it is killing an individual who is murdering, or fighting a nation which is warring on the defenseless. ** [[Alice Bailey]], "Treatise on the Seven Rays" (1936), collected in [https://archive.org/details/ponderonthis0000bail_q1c3/page/420/mode/2up ''Ponder on This''] (1974 [1971]), p. 180 * The distribution of the world's resources and the settled unity of the peoples of the world are ... one and the same thing, for behind all modern [[wars]] lies a fundamental economic problem. Solve that and wars will very largely cease. ** [[Alice Bailey]], [https://archive.org/details/problemsofhumani0000bail/page/166/mode/2up ''Problems of Humanity''] (1983 [1947]), ch. 6 * Of all the differences between the [[w:Old World|Old World]] and the [[w:New World|New]] this is perhaps the most salient: Half the wars of [[Europe]], half the [[troubles]] that have vexed European States, ... have arisen from [[theological]] differences or from the rival claims of [[church]] and [[state]]. This whole vast chapter of [[debate]] and [[strife]] has remained virtually unopened in the [[United States]]. ** [[w:Randall Balmer|Randall Herbert Balmer]], [https://www.google.com/books/edition/Thy_Kingdom_Come/vlzhyEqbqa8C?hl=en&gbpv=1&printsec=frontcover ''Thy Kingdom Come''] (Basic Books, 2007), p. viii * Comrade, I did not want to kill you. If you jumped in here again, I would not do it, if you would be sensible too. But you were only an idea to me before, an abstraction that lived in my mind and called forth its appropriate response. It was that abstraction I stabbed. But now, for the first time, I see you are a man like me. I thought of your hand-grenades, of your [[bayonet]], of your rifle; now I see your wife and your face and our fellowship. Forgive me, comrade. We always see it too late. Why do they never tell us that you are poor devils like us, that your mothers are just as anxious as ours, and that we have the same fear of death, and the same dying and the same agony — forgive me, comrade; how could you be my enemy? If we threw away these rifles and this uniform you could be my brother, just like Kat and Albert. Take twenty years of my life, comrade, and stand up — take more, for I do not know what I can even attempt to do with it now. ** [[w:Paul Bäumer|Paul Bäumer]], ''[[All Quiet on the Western Front]]'' (tr. A. W. Wheen, 1929) * [[Germany]] could not win this war because it was in league with the [[devil]]. This war would not have ended without [[revolution]]. ** [[Erich von dem Bach]], to Leon Goldensohn (14 February 1946), as quored in Leon Goldensohn and Robert Gellately, ''The Nuremberg Interviews'' (2004) * I’ve been thinking about the war a lot recently, and I think I’ve decided it’s wrong. We are defeating ourselves in waging it, will destroy ourselves by winning it. ** [[Iain Banks]], "Descendant" (1987), collected in ''[[w:The State of the Art|The State of the Art]]'' (1989) * All quiet along the [[w:Potomac|Potomac]] they say<br> Except now and then a stray picket<br>Is shot as he walks on his beat, to and fro,<br> By a rifleman hid in the thicket. ** [[Ethel Lynn Beers]], "The Picket Guard". Claimed by Lamar Fontaine. Reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's]]'' (1922), p. 842 * Gaily! gaily! close our ranks!<br> &nbsp;&nbsp; Arm! Advance!<br> &nbsp;&nbsp; Hope of France!<br>Gaily! gaily! close our ranks!<br>Onward! Onward! Gauls and Franks! ** [[Pierre-Jean de Béranger]], ''Les Gaulois et François'' (tr. C. L. Bett, 1847)<!--Reported in ''Hoyt's'' (1922), p. 842--> * Wars invariably serve as classrooms and laboratories where men and techniques and states of mind are prepared for the next war. ** [[Wendell Berry]], "A Statement against the War in Vietnam", ''The Long-Legged House'' (1969) * The inevitableness, the [[idealism]], and the blessing of war, as an indispensable and stimulating law of development, must be repeatedly emphasized. ** {{w|Friedrich von Bernhardi}}, ''Germany and the Next War'' (1911), ch. 1 * War is a biological necessity of the first importance, a regulative element in the life of mankind which cannot be dispensed with. ... But it is not only a biological law but a moral obligation and, as such, an indispensable factor in civilization. ** {{w|Friedrich von Bernhardi}}, ''Germany and the Next War'' (1911), ch. 1 * Our next war will be fought for the highest interests of our country and of mankind. This will invest it with importance in the world's history. "World power or downfall" will be our rallying cry. ** {{w|Friedrich von Bernhardi}}, ''Germany and the Next War'' (1911), ch. 7 * We [[Germans]] have a far greater and more urgent duty towards civilization to perform than the Great Asiatic Power. We, like the [[Japan|Japanese]], can only fulfil it by the sword. ** {{w|Friedrich von Bernhardi}}, ''Germany and the Next War'' (1911), ch. 13 * Just for a word—"[[neutrality]]," a word which in war-time had so often been disregarded—just for a scrap of paper, [[United Kingdom|Great Britain]] was going to make war on a kindred nation who desired nothing better than to be friends with her. ** [[Theobald von Bethmann-Hollweg]], German Chancellor, to Sir Edward Goschen, British Ambassador (August 4, 1914), in James M. Beck, [https://archive.org/details/caseofbelgiu00beck/page/214/mode/2up?q=%22was+going+to+make+war+on+a+kindred+nation%22 ''The Case of Belgium''] (1914), pp. 214–15 * Wars are God's way of teaching Americans geography. ** Attributed to [[Ambrose Bierce]] in Larry Minear, [https://archive.org/details/humanitarianpoli0000mine/page/66/mode/2up?q=%22way+of+teaching+Americans+geography%22 ''Humanitarian Politics''] (1995), p. 67 * ''L'affaire Herzegovinienne ne vaut pas les os d'un fusilier poméranien.'' ** The Herzegovina question is not worth the bones of a Pomeranian fusileer. *** [[Otto von Bismarck]] (1875), during the struggle between the Christian provinces and Turkey, which led to the Russo-Turkish War. Another version is "The Eastern Question is not worth," etc. * ''Lieber Spitzkugeln als Spitzreden.'' ** Better pointed bullets than pointed speeches. *** [[Otto von Bismarck]], Speech (1850), relative to Manteuffel's dealings with Austria during the insurrection of the People of Hesse Cassel * ''Ich sehe in unserm Bundesverhältnisse ein Gebrechen Preussens, welches wir früher oder später ferro et igne werden heilen müssen.'' ** I see in our relations with our alliance a fault of Prussia's, which we must cure sooner or later ferro et igne. *** [[Otto von Bismarck]], letter to Baron von Schleinitz (May 12, 1859) * [The great questions of the day] are not decided by speeches and majority votes, but by blood and iron. ** [[Otto von Bismarck]], Declaration to the Prussian House of Delegates (September 30, 1862). Same idea in Schenkendorf, ''Das Eiserne Kreuz'' * War tore the guts out of the [[British Empire|British empire]], weakening it in resources and morale. The first major loss was Ireland. ** [[Jeremy Black (historian)|Jeremy Black]], ''A History of the British Isles'' (1996) * No wars are unintended or 'accidental'. What is often unintended is the length and bloodiness of the war. ** [[Geoffrey Blainey]], ''The Causes of War'' (1973) * War and peace are not separate compartments. Peace depends on threats and force; often peace is the crystallisation of past force. ** [[Geoffrey Blainey]], ''The Causes of War'' (1973) * It is the problem of accurately measuring the relative power of nations which goes far to explain why wars occur. War is a dispute about the measurement of power. War marks the choice of a new set of weights and measures. ** [[Geoffrey Blainey]], ''The Causes of War'' (1973) * Generals gathered in their masses<br> just like witches at black masses.<br> Evil minds that plot destruction,<br> sorcerer of death's construction. ** [[w:Black Sabbath|Black Sabbath]], "War Pigs", [[w:Paranoid (album)|''Paranoid'']] (1970), written by [[w:Ozzy Osbourne|Ozzy Osbourne]], [[w:Tony Iommi|Tony Iommi]], [[w:Geezer Butler|Geezer Butler]] and [[w:Bill Ward|Bill Ward]] * What a place to plunder! ** Field Marshal von Blücher's comment on viewing London from St. Paul's, after the Peace Banquet at Oxford, 1814. Same idea in Malcolm, ''Sketches of Persia'', p. 232. In Thackeray, ''Four Georges'', George I says: "The bold old Reiter looked down from St. Paul's and sighed out, 'Was für Plunder!' The German women plundered; the German secretaries plundered; the German cooks and intendants plundered; even Mustapha and Mahomet, the German negroes, had a share of the booty." The German quoted would be correctly translated "what rubbish!" <!--Blücher, therefore, has been either misquoted or mistranslated.--> * War is not a pathology that, with proper hygiene and treatment, can be wholly prevented. War is a natural condition of the State, which was organized in order to be an effective instrument of violence on behalf of society. Wars are like deaths, which, while they can be postponed, will come when they will come and cannot be finally avoided. ** [[w:Philip Bobbitt|Philip Bobbitt]], ''[[w:The Shield of Achilles: War, Peace, and the Course of History|The Shield of Achilles: War, Peace, and the Course of History]]'' (2002) * War will make corpses of us all. ** Boromir in ''[[The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers]]'' (2002 film) * It is magnificent, but it is not war. ** General [[Pierre Bosquet]], on the Charge of the Light Brigade. Attributed also to Marshal Canrobert. Reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's]]'' (1922), p. 842 * [[War]] is the [[health]] of the [[State]].&nbsp; Only when the State is at war does the modern society function with that [[unity]] of [[sentiment]], simple uncritical [[patriotic]] [[devotion]], [[cooperation]] of services, which have always been the ideal of the State lover. ** [[Randolph Bourne]], [[s:The State|''The State'']] (1918), [[s:The State#I|§1]] * War is the health of the State and it is during war that one best understands the nature of that institution. ** Randolph Bourne, ''The State'' (1918), [[s:The State#II|§2]] * We have men of [[science]], too few men of God. '''We have grasped the mystery of the atom and rejected the [[Sermon on the Mount|''Sermon on the Mount'']]. The world has achieved brilliance without [[conscience]]. Ours is a world of nuclear giants and [[Ethics|ethical]] infants.''' We know more about war than we know about [[peace]], more about killing than we know about living. If we continue to develop our technology without wisdom or prudence, our servant may prove to be our executioner. ** [[Omar Bradley]], Armistice Day speech (11 November 1948), in Bradley's ''Collected Writings'', vol. 1 (1967) * Wars can be prevented just as surely as they can be provoked, and we who fail to prevent them must share the guilt for the [[dead]]. ** Omar Bradley, as quoted in [[Peace Pilgrim]], ''Her Life and Work in Her Own Words'' (1992), p. 113 * Ethical obligation has to subordinate itself to the totalitarian nature of war. ** [[Karl Brandt]] (1947); ''Trials of War Criminals before the Nuremberg Military Tribunals under Control Council Law No. 10'', [https://archive.org/details/TrialsOfWarCriminalsBeforeTheNurembergMilitaryTribunalsUnderControlCouncil/Trials%20of%20war%20criminals%20before%20the%20Nuremberg%20Military%20Tribunals%20under%20Control%20Council%20law%20no.%2010.%20-%20Nuremberg%2C%20October%201946-%20April%2C%201949%20Volume%201/page/n1001/mode/2up?q=%22obligation+has+to+subordinate+itself+to+the%22 vol. 1] (October 1946–April 1949), p. 972<!--Quoted in article "Ethics of Nazi doctors analyzed in telecast" by Joanna Arnold, 10/17/07.--> * [[Politics]] is the domestication of war. **[[Giannina Braschi]], ''{{w|Yo-Yo Boing!}}'' (1998) * What we have here is a war, the war of matter and spirit...The war of banks and religion. In [[New York City]], [[Banking|banks]] tower over [[w:Cathedrals|cathedrals]]. Banks are the temples of America. This is a [[holy war]]. Our [[economy]] is our [[religion]]." ** [[Giannina Braschi]], ''{{w|United States of Banana}}'' (2011) * My tanks were filled with gasoline and wars. I was a lead soldier. I marched against the smoke of the city....And the world closed its doors—anvils and hammers against the sleeping men—doors of the [[heart]]—cities everywhere—and litte lead soldiers. ** [[Giannina Braschi]], ''Empire of Dreams'' (1988) * [War] is a highly planned and cooperative form of theft. ** [[Jacob Bronowski]], "Harvest of the Seasons", ''{{w|The Ascent of Man}}'' (1973) * Of course, it's tempting to close one's eyes to history and instead to speculate about the roots of war in some possible animal instinct. As if, like the tiger, we still had to kill to live or like the robin redbreast to defend a nesting territory. But war, organized war, is not a human instinct. It is a highly planned and cooperative form of theft. And that form of theft began ten-thousand years ago when the harvesters of wheat accumulated a surplus and the nomads rose out of the desert to rob them of what they themselves could not provide. The evidence for that, we saw, in the walled city of Jericho and it's prehistoric tower. That is the beginning of war. ** Jacob Bronowski, "Harvest of the Seasons", ''The Ascent of Man'' (1973) * War provides men with the perfect psychological backdrop to give vent to their contempt for women. The maleness of the military—the brute power of weaponry exclusive to their hands, the spiritual bonding of men at arms, the manly discipline of orders given and orders obeyed, the simple logic of the hierarchical command—confirms for men what they long suspect—that women are peripheral to the world that counts ** [[Susan Brownmiller]] [https://books.google.com/books/about/Against_Our_Will.html?id=jaWqAAAAQBAJ&printsec=frontcover&source=kp_read_button#v=onepage&q&f=false ''Against Our Will''] (1975), p. 22 * The [[Federal government of the United States|Government of the United States]] would be constrained to hold the Imperial German government to a strict accountability for such acts of their naval authorities. ** [[William Jennings Bryan]], to the German government, when US Secretary of State. ''European War Series of Department of State'', no. 1, p. 54 * In war, [[science]] has proven itself an evil genius; it has made war more terrible than it ever was before. Man used to be content to slaughter his fellowmen on a single plane — the earth's surface. Science has taught him to go down into the water and shoot up from below and to go up into the clouds and shoot down from above, thus making the battlefield three times a bloody as it was before; but science does not teach brotherly love. Science has made war so hellish that civilization was about to commit suicide; and now we are told that newly discovered instruments of destruction will make the cruelties of the late war seem trivial in comparison with the cruelties of wars that may come in the future. ** [[William Jennings Bryan]], [[w:Scopes trial|Scopes "Monkey" trial]] summation (July 21, 1925) * Lay down the axe; fling by the spade;<br> Leave in its track the toiling plough;<br>The rifle and the bayonet-blade<br> For arms like yours were fitter now;<br>And let the hands that ply the pen<br> Quit the light task, and learn to wield<br>The horseman's crooked brand, and rein<br> The charger on the battle-field. ** [[William Cullen Bryant]], "Our Country's Call". Reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's]]'' (1922), p. 843 * None of our soldiers would understand not being asked to do whatever is necessary to reestablish a situation which is humiliating to us and unacceptable to our country's honor.—We are going to counter-attack. ** Credited to Major-Gen. {{w|Robert Lee Bullard}}, also to Major-Gen. {{w|Omar Bundy}}, in reply to the French command to retire in the second battle of the Marne, 1918. * The [[Flag of the United States|American flag]] has been forced to retire. This is intolerable. ** Major-Gen. [[R. L. Bullard]], on leaving the Conference of French Generals, July 15, 1918. Expressing regret that he could not obey orders. He is called "The General of No Retreat." See N. Y. Herald, Nov. 3, 1919. (Editorial). * You are there, stay there. ** Major-Gen. [[R. L. Bullard]]. Citation to American unit which captured Fay's Wood. See N. Y. Herald, Nov. 3, 1919. (Editorial). * I venture to say no war can be long carried on against the will of the people. ** [[Edmund Burke]], "Letters on a Regicide Peace", letter 1, 1796–1797, ''The Works of the Right Honorable Edmund Burke'', vol. 5 (1899), p. 283. * This is a war universe. War all the time. That is its nature. There may be other universes based on all sorts of other principles, but ours seems to be based on war and games. All games are basically hostile. Winners and losers. We see them all around us: the winners and the losers. The losers can oftentimes become winners, and the winners can very easily become losers. ** [[William S. Burroughs]], "The War Universe", taped conversation, first published in [http://openlibrary.org/b/OL7452886M/Grand_Street_37_(Grand_Street) ''Grand Street'', No. 37 (1991)]. * Scots, wha hae wi' Wallace bled;<br>Scots, wham Bruce has aften led,<br>Welcome to your gory bed,<br> Or to victory! ** [[Robert Burns]], ''Bruce to his Men at Bannockburn''. * But they will have it thus nevertheless, and so they put note of "divinity upon the most cruel and pernicious plague of human kind," adore such men with grand titles, degrees, statues, images, honour, applaud, and highly reward them for their good service, no greater glory than to die in the field. So Africanus is extolled by Ennius: Mars, and Hercules, and I know not how many besides of old, were deified; went this way to heaven, that were indeed bloody butchers, wicked destroyers, and troublers of the world, prodigious monsters, hell-hounds, feral plagues, devourers, common executioners of human kind, as Lactanius truly proves, and Cyprian to Donat, such as were desperate in wars, and precipitately made away themselves, (like those Celtes in Damascen, with ridiculous valour, ''ut dedecorosum putarent muro ruenti se subducere'', a disgrace to run away for a rotten wall, now ready to fall on their heads), such as will not rush on a sword's point, or seek to shun a cannon's shot, are base cowards, and no valiant men. By which means, ''Madet orbis mutuo sanguine'', the earth wallows in her own blood, ''Sævit amor ferri et scelerati insania belli''; and for that, which if it be done in private, a man shall be rigorously executed, "and which is no less than murder itself; if the same fact be done in public in wars, it is called manhood, and the party is honored for it." ** [[Robert Burton]], [[w:The Anatomy of Melancholy|The Anatomy of Melancholy]] [https://archive.org/stream/anatomyofmelanch00burt#page/40/mode/2up] (1621). * ''Dieu est d'ordinaire pour les gros escadrons contre les petits.'' ** God is generally for the big squadrons against the little ones. *** {{w|Roger de Rabutin, Comte de Bussy}}, letter (October 18, 1677). Anticipated by Tacitus. ''Deus fortioribus adesse''. * Although it is commonly supposed that war making is the specific activity of [[nations]], the blind rage that motivates war destroys the very social bonds that make nations possible. Of course, it can fortify the [[nationalism]] of a nation, producing a provisional coherence bolstered by war and enmity, but it also erodes the social relations that make politics possible. The power of destruction unleashed by war breaks social ties and produces anger, revenge, and distrust (“embitterment”) such that it becomes unclear whether reparation is possible, undermining not only those relations that may have been built in the past, but also the future possibility of peaceful coexistence. ** [[Judith Butler]], {{cite book |title=The Force of Nonviolence: An Ethico-Political Bind |date=4 February 2020 |publisher=Verso Books |isbn=978-1-78873-276-5 |page=154}} * Whatever the explicit strategic or political aims of a war may be, they prove to be weak in comparison with its aims of destruction; what war destroys first are the very restrictions imposed on destructive license. If we can rightly speak about the unstated “aim” of war, it is neither primarily to alter the political landscape nor to establish a new political order, but rather to destroy the social basis of politics itself. ** [[Judith Butler]], {{cite book |title=The Force of Nonviolence: An Ethico-Political Bind |date=4 February 2020 |publisher=Verso Books |isbn=978-1-78873-276-5 |page=154}} * In all the trade of war, no feat<br>Is nobler than a brave retreat. ** [[Samuel Butler (poet)|Samuel Butler]], ''Hudibras'', Part I (1663-64), Canto III, line 607. * For those that run away, and fly,<br>Take place at least o' th' enemy. ** [[Samuel Butler (poet)|Samuel Butler]], ''Hudibras'', Part I (1663-64), Canto III, line 609. * Bloody wars at first began,<br>The artificial plague of man,<br>That from his own invention rise,<br>To scourge his own iniquities. ** [[Samuel Butler (poet)|Samuel Butler]], Satire. Upon the Weakness and Misery of Man, line 105. * War is a racket. It always has been. It is possibly the oldest, easily the most profitable, surely the most vicious. It is the only one international in scope. It is the only one in which the profits are reckoned in dollars and the losses in lives. * A racket is best described, I believe, as something that is not what it seems to the majority of the people. Only a small "inside" group knows what it is about. It is conducted for the benefit of the very few, at the expense of the very many. Out of war a few people make huge fortunes. ** [[Smedley Butler]], [https://archive.org/details/warisaracketelectronicresourcetheantiwarclassicbyam/page/n23/mode/2up ''War is a racket''] (1935), Chapter one, p. 23. * A few profit – and the many pay. But there is a way to stop it. You can't end it by disarmament conferences. You can't eliminate it by peace parleys at Geneva. Well-meaning but impractical groups can't wipe it out by resolutions. It can be smashed effectively only by taking the profit out of war. * Let the officers and the directors and the high-powered executives of our armament factories and our steel companies and our munitions makers and our [[shipbuilders]] and our airplane builders and the manufacturers of all the other things that provide profit in war time as well as the bankers and the speculators, be conscripted—to get $30 a month, the same wage as the lads in the trenches get. … Give capital and industry and labor thirty days to think it over and you will find, by that time, there will be no war. That will smash the war racket—that and nothing else. ** [[Smedley Butler]], [https://archive.org/details/warisaracketelectronicresourcetheantiwarclassicbyam/page/n39/mode/2up ''War is a racket''] (1935), Chapter four, p. 39-40. * O proud was our army that morning<br> That stood where the pine darkly towers,<br>When Sherman said—"Boys, you are weary,<br> This day fair Savannah is ours."<br>Then sang we a song for our chieftain<br> That echoed o'er river and lea,<br>And the stars on our banner shone brighter<br> When Sherman marched down to the sea. ** Samuel Hawkins Marshall Byers, ''Sherman's March to the Sea. Last stanza''. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * Hand to hand, and foot to foot:<br>Nothing there, save death, was mute;<br>Stroke, and thrust, and flash, and cry<br>For quarter or for victory,<br>Mingle there with the volleying thunder. ** [[Lord Byron]], ''Siege of Corinth'', Stanza 24. * War, war is still the cry, "War even to the knife!" ** [[Lord Byron]], ''[[Childe Harold's Pilgrimage]]'', Canto I (1812), Stanza 86. * And there was mounting in hot haste: the steed,<br> The mustering squadron, and the clattering car,<br>Went pouring forward with impetuous speed,<br> And swiftly forming in the ranks of war;<br> And the deep thunder peal on peal, afar<br>And near; the beat of the alarming drum<br> Roused up the soldier ere the morning star;<br>While throng'd the citizens with terror dumb,<br>Or whispering with white lips—"The foe! they come! they come!" ** [[Lord Byron]], ''[[Childe Harold's Pilgrimage]]'', Canto III (1816), Stanza 25. * Battle's magnificently stern array! ** [[Lord Byron]], ''[[Childe Harold's Pilgrimage]]'', Canto III (1816), Stanza 28. * The Assyrian came down like the wolf on the fold,<br>And his cohorts were gleaming in purple and gold. ** [[Lord Byron]], ''Destruction of Sennacherib'', in ''Hebrew Melodies'' (1815). * Like the leaves of the forest when summer is green,<br>That host with their banners at sunset were seen;<br>Like the leaves of the forest when autumn hath blown,<br>That host on the morrow lay wither'd and strown! ** [[Lord Byron]], ''Destruction of Sennacherib'', in ''Hebrew Melodies'' (1815). == C == [[File:Caesar, Summer garden.jpg|thumb|I came, I saw. I conquered.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Julius Caesar]]}}]] [[File:Speculum Romanae Magnificentiae- Julius Caesar, from The Twelve Caesars MET DP870057.jpg|thumb|right|In war events of importance are the result of trivial causes. ~ [[Julius Caesar]] ]] [[File:M-T-Cicero.jpg|thumb|I cease not to advocate peace. It may be on unjust terms, but even so it is more expedient than the justest of civil wars.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Cicero]]}}]] [[File:Bundesarchiv Bild 146-1981-055-34, Opfer des Bombenkrieges.jpg|thumb|He said, “You’ve killed my granddaughter.” He said, “I hate you for this, and I’ll kill you.” And I got this in the middle of the war. And it made me very, very sad. We certainly never wanted to do anything like that. But in war, accidents happen. And that’s why you shouldn’t undertake military operations unless every other alternative has been exhausted, because innocent people do die. ~ [[Wesley Clark]] ]] [[File:American bases worldwide.svg|thumb|War in fact is becoming contemptible, and ought to be put down by the great nations of Europe, just as we put down a vulgar mob. ~ [[Mortimer Collins]]]] [[File:Seal of the International Court of Justice.png|thumb|It has often been remarked but seldom remembered that war itself is a crime. Yet a [[War crimes|war crime]] is more and other than war. It is an atrocity beyond the usual [[Barbarian|barbaric]] bounds of war. It is legal definition growing out of custom and tradition supported by every civilized nation in the world including our own. It is an act beyond the pale of acceptable actions even in war. ~[http://www2.iath.virginia.edu/sixties/HTML_docs/Resources/Primary/Winter_Soldier/WS_02_opening.html William Crandell in ''Winter Soldier Investigation Testimony''] ]] * ''Veni, vidi, vici.'' ** I came, I saw, I conquered. ** Attributed to Julius Cæsar. Plutarch—Life of Cæsar, states it was spoken after the defeat of Pharnaces, at Zela in Pontus, B.C. 47, not the Expedition to Britain, B.C. 55. According to Suetonius—Julius Cæsar. 37, the words were not Cæsar's but were displayed before Cæsar's title, "non acta belli significantem, sicut ceteri, sed celeriter confecti notam." Not as being a record of the events of the war, as in other cases, but as an indication of the rapidity with which it was concluded. Ne insolens barbarus dicat, "Ueni, uidi, uici." Never shall insolent barbarian say "I came, I saw, I conquered." Seneca the Elder—Suæsoria, II. 22. Buechmann, quoting the above, suggests that Cæsar's words may be an adaptation of a proverb by Apostolius, XII. 58. (Or XIV, in Elzivir Ed. Leyden, 1653). * ''In bello parvis momentis magni casus intercedunt.'' ** In war events of importance are the result of trivial causes. ** [[Julius Caesar]], ''Bellum Gallicum'', I, 21. Reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's]]'' (1922), p. 844 * War is the answer if you're questioning the general. ** [[Lil Wayne|Dwayne Carter]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d6Yyehm24Mo "Army Gunz"] (2006), ''Like Father, Like Son'' (2006), Cash Money Records * I normalized diplomatic relations with [[China]] in 1979. Since 1979, do you know how many times China has been at war with anybody? None. And we have stayed at war. (The United States is) the most warlike nation in the history of the world... How many miles of [[High-speed rail|high-speed railroad]] do we have in this country?... We have wasted, I think, $3 trillion ([[Military-industrial complex|military spending]]) ... China has not wasted a single penny on war, and that's why they're ahead of us. In almost every way... And I think the difference is if you take $3 trillion and put it in American infrastructure, you'd probably have $2 trillion left over. We'd have high-speed railroad. We'd have bridges that aren't collapsing. We'd have roads that are maintained properly. Our [[education system]] would be as good as that of, say, [[South Korea]] or [[Hong Kong]]. ** [[Jimmy Carter]] quoted in [https://www.npr.org/2019/04/15/713495558/president-trump-called-former-president-jimmy-carter-to-talk-about-china President Trump Called Former President Jimmy Carter To Talk About China, Emma Hurt, ''NPR''] (April 15, 2019) * War. War never changes. The [[Roman Empire|Romans]] waged war to gather [[Slavery|slaves]] and [[wealth]]. [[Spain]] built an empire from its lust for gold and territory. Hitler shaped a battered Germany into an economic superpower. But war never changes. ** Scott Campbell, Brian Freyermuth and Mark O'Green, ''[[Fallout]]'', interpreted by {{w|Ron Perlman}} as the narrator. (1997) * The combat deepens. On, ye brave,<br>Who rush to glory, or the grave!<br>Wave, Munich! all thy banners wave,<br> And charge with all thy chivalry. ** [[Thomas Campbell]], ''Hohenlinden''. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * ''La Garde meurt, mais ne se rend pas.'' ** The guard dies but does not surrender. *** Attributed to Lieut. Gen. [[w:Pierre Cambronne|Pierre Jacques, Baron de Cambronne]], when called to surrender by Col. Hugh Halkett. Cambronne disavowed the saying at a banquet at Nantes, 1835. The London Times on the Centenary of the battle of Waterloo published a letter, written at 11 P.M. on the evening of the battle, by Capt. Digby Mackworth, of the 7th Fusiliers, A. D. C. to Gen. Hill. In it the phrase is quoted as already familiar. Fournier in ''L'Esprit dans l'histoire'', pp. 412–15, ascribes it to a correspondent of the ''Independant'', Rougemont. It appeared there the next day, and afterwards in the ''Journal General de France'', June 24. This seems also improbable in view of the above mentioned letter. Reported as a misattribution in Paul F. Boller, Jr., and John George, ''They Never Said It: A Book of Fake Quotes, Misquotes, & Misleading Attributions'' (1989), p. 11-12. See also [[Victor Hugo]], ''Les Miserables'', ''Waterloo''. * '''War is a quarrel between two thieves too cowardly to fight their own battle'''; therefore they take boys from one village and another village, stick them into uniforms, equip them with guns, and let them loose like wild beasts against each other. ** [[Thomas Carlyle]], as quoted by [[Emma Goldman]] in her essay, "Patriotism: A Menace to Liberty", chapter five of ''Anarchism and Other Essays'' (2nd revised edition, 1911). * There dwell and toil, in the British village of Dumdrudge, usually some five hundred souls. From these…there are successively selected, during the French War, say thirty able-bodied men: Dumdrudge, at her own expense, has suckled and nursed them; she has not without difficulty and sorrow, fed them up to manhood, and trained them to crafts, so that once can weave, another build, another hammer, and the weakest can stand under thirty stone avoirdupois. Nevertheless, amid much weeping and swearing, they are selected; all dressed in red; and shipped away, at the public charges, some two thousand miles, or say only to the south of Spain; and fed there till wanted. And now to that same spot in the south of Spain, are thirty similar French artisans, from a French Dumdrudge, in like manner wending: Till at length, after infinite effort, the two parties come into actual juxtaposition; and Thirty stands fronting Thirty, each with a gun in his hand. Straightway the word "Fire!" is given: and they blow the souls out of one another and in the place of sixty brisk useful craftsmen, the world has sixty dead carcasses, which it must bury, and anew shed tears for. Had these men any quarrel? Busy as the Devil is, not the smallest!... their Governors had fallen out; and, instead of shooting one another, had the cunning to make these poor blockheads shoot. Alas, so it is in Deutschland, and hitherto in all other lands... ** [[Thomas Carlyle]] in "Sartor Resartus", quoted in "In Flanders Fields: The 1917 Campaign" by Leon Wolff (1958). * O Chryste, it is a grief for me to telle,<br> How manie a noble erle and valrous knyghte<br>In fyghtynge for Kynge Harrold noblie fell,<br> Al sleyne on Hastyng's field in bloudie fyghte. ** [[Thomas Chatterton]], ''Battle of Hastings''. * Is this a call to war? Does anyone pretend that preparation for resistance to [[aggression]] is unleashing war? I declare it to be the sole guarantee of [[peace]]. We need the swift gathering of forces to confront not only military but moral aggression; the resolute and sober acceptance of their duty by the English-speaking peoples and by all the nations, great and small, who wish to walk with them. Their faithful and zealous comradeship would almost between night and morning clear the path of progress and banish from all our lives the fear which already darkens the sunlight to hundreds of millions of men. ** [[Winston Churchill]], [https://winstonchurchill.org/resources/speeches/1930-1938-the-wilderness/the-defence-of-freedom-and-peace-the-lights-are-going-out/ Broadcast to the United States and to London], 16 October 1938 * The eagle has ceased to scream, but the parrots will now begin to chatter. The war of the giants is over and the pigmies will now start to squabble. ** [[Winston Churchill]], comment on May 7, 1945, after General Ismay, his wartime chief of staff, announced the news of V-E Day. [[w:Kay Halle|Kay Halle]], ''Irrepressible Churchill'' (1966), p. 249. * To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war. ** [[Winston Churchill]], remarks at a White House luncheon (June 26, 1954). His exact words are not known, because the meetings and the luncheon that day were closed to reporters, but above is the commonly cited version. His words are quoted as "It is 'better to jaw-jaw than to war-war,'" in the sub-heading on p. 1 of ''The New York Times'' (June 27, 1954), and as "To jaw-jaw always is better than to war-war" on p. 3. ''The Washington Post'' in its June 27 issue, p. 1, has "better to talk jaw to jaw than have war", and ''The Star'', Washington, D.C., p. 1, a slight variation, "It is better to talk jaw to jaw than to have war". * Let us learn our lessons. … Never believe any war will be smooth and easy or that anyone who embarks on that strange voyage can measure the tides and hurricanes he will encounter. The statesman who yields to war fever must realize that once the signal is given, he is no longer the master of policy but the slave of unforeseeable and uncontrollable events… incompetent or arrogant commanders, untrustworthy allies, hostile neutrals, malignant fortune, ugly surprise, awful miscalculations. ** [[Winston Churchill]]; quoted in {{cite news | first = Leonard | last = Fein | url = http://www.forward.com/articles/this-time-it-s-our-war/ | title = This Time It's Our War | publisher = [[w:The Forward|The Forward]] | date = [[July 25]], [[2003]] | accessdate = 2007-01-13 }} * ''Equidem ad pacem hortari non desino; quae vel iniusta utilior est quam iustissimum bellum cum civibus.'' ** As for me, I cease not to advocate peace. It may be on unjust terms, but even so it is more expedient than the justest of civil wars. *** [[Cicero]], ''Epistulae ad Atticum'' (Letters to Atticus) Book VII, Letter 14, section 3; as translated by E.O. Winstedt in the [http://archive.org/stream/letterstoatticus02ciceuoft#page/68/mode/2up Loeb Classical Library] * ''Silent enim leges inter arma.'' ** [[Cicero]], Laws are silent in time of war. ** ''Pro Milone''. Often paraphrased as ''[[w:Inter arma enim silent leges|Inter arma enim silent leges]]''. ** Variant translations: *** In a time of war, the law falls silent. *** Law stands mute in the midst of arms. * Parvi enim sunt foris arma, nisi est consilium domi. ** An army abroad is of little use unless there are prudent counsels at home. ** [[Cicero]], ''De Officiis'' (44 B.C.), I, 22. * Silent leges inter arma. ** The law is silent during war. ** [[Cicero]], ''Oratio Pro Annio Milone'', IV. * Pro aris et focis. ** For your altars and your fires. ** [[Cicero]], ''Oration for Roscius'', Chapter V. Also used by Tiberius Gracchus before this. * Nervi belli pecunia infinita. ** Endless money forms the sinews of war. ** [[Cicero]], ''Philippics'', V. 2. 5. Libanius—Orations. XLVI. Photius—Lex. 8. 5. Rabelais—Gargantua, Book I, Chapter XXVI. ("Corn" for "money"). * There's nothing more pornographic than glorifying war. ** [[Tom Clancy]], [http://www.cnn.com/books/news/9905/12/clancy.horner/~hsindex.html Interview promoting ''Every Man a Tiger'' (1999)], co-written with General Charles Horner. (12 May 1999). * We had a malfunction with a cluster bomb unit, and a couple of grenades fell on a schoolyard, and some, I think three, school children were killed... And two weeks later, I got a letter from a Serb grandfather. He said, “You’ve killed my granddaughter.” He said, “I hate you for this, and I’ll kill you.” And I got this in the middle of the war. And it made me very, very sad. We certainly never wanted to do anything like that. But in war, accidents happen. And that’s why you shouldn’t undertake military operations unless every other alternative has been exhausted, because innocent people do die. ** [[Wesley Clark]], ''Democracy Now — Gen. Wesley Clark Weighs Presidential Bid: “I Think About It Every Day”'', (2 March 2007) * Well here's to the Maine, and I'm sorry for Spain,<br>Said Kelly and Burke and Shea. ** [[W:J. I. C. Clarke|J. I. C. Clarke]], ''The Fighting Race''. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * War is not merely a political act but a real political instrument, a continuation of political intercourse, a carrying out of the same by other means. ** [[Karl von Clausewitz]], ''On War'', trans. O. J. Matthijs Jolles (1943), book 1, chapter 1, section 24, p. 16. Originally published in 1833. * War is only caused through the political intercourse of governments and nations … war is nothing but a continuation of political intercourse with an admixture of other means. ** [[Karl von Clausewitz]], ''On War'', trans. O. J. Matthijs Jolles (1943), book 8, chapter 6, p. 596. Originally published in 1833. * War is regarded as ''nothing but the continuation of state policy with other means''. ** [[Karl von Clausewitz]], ''On War'', trans. O. J. Matthijs Jolles (1943), author's note, p. xxix. Originally published in 1833. * War is fought by human beings. ** [[Carl von Clausewitz]] in ''On War'', trans. O. J. Matthijs Jolles (1943). Originally published in 1833. * Of course [[wars]] are fought by [[teenagers]]. Do you realize that? They really should be fought by the [[politicians]] and old people who start these wars. ** [[James Clavell]] interview with [[w:Don Swaim|Don Swaim]] of CBS Radio (1986) [http://wiredforbooks.org/jamesclavell/ (RealAudio file)] * We made war to the end—to the very end of the end. ** [[Clemenceau]], ''Message to American People'' (September, 1918). * ''War is not the answer <br> For only love can conquer hate <br> You know we've got to find a way <br> To bring some lovin' here today'' ** {{w|Al Cleveland}}, {{w|Renaldo Benson}} and [[Marvin Gaye]], ''[[w:What's Going On (song)|What's Going On]], [[w:What's Going On (Marvin Gaye album)|What's Going On]]'' (1971) * I make my war upon privilege and authority, whereby the [[Right to property|right of property]], the true right in that which is proper to the individual, is annihilated. ** [[Voltairine de Cleyre]], in [http://dwardmac.pitzer.edu/Anarchist_Archives/bright/cleyre/indefenseofeg.html "In Defense of Emma Goldmann and the Right of Expropriation"], an address in Philadelphia (16 December 1893); [[Emma Goldman]]'s name is misspelled Goldmann throughout the 1910 version. Some of this text is quoted as presented in ''Selected Works of Voltairine de Cleyre'' (1914) edited by [[Alexander Berkman]] * What voice did on my spirit fall,<br> Peschiera, when thy bridge I crossed?<br> "'Tis better to have fought and lost,<br>Than never to have fought at all." ** [[Arthur Hugh Clough]], "Peschiera". Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * [T]he honours, the fame, the emoluments of war, belong not to [the middle and industrial classes]; the battle-plain is the harvest field of the [[aristocracy]], watered with the blood of the people...Whilst our trade rested upon our foreign dependencies, as was the case in the middle of the last century...force and violence, were necessary to command our customers for our manufacturers...But war, although the greatest of consumers, not only produces nothing in return, but, by abstracting labour from productive employment and interrupting the course of trade, it impedes, in a variety of indirect ways, the creation of wealth; and, should hostilities be continued for a series of years, each successive war-loan will be felt in our commercial and manufacturing districts with an augmented pressure. ** [[Richard Cobden]] in Edward P. Stringham, "Commerce, Markets, and Peace: Richard Cobden's Enduring Lessons", Independent Review 9, no. 1 (2004): 105, 110, 115. * War in fact is becoming contemptible, and ought to be put down by the great nations of Europe, just as we put down a vulgar mob. ** [[Mortimer Collins]], ''Thoughts in my Garden'', II. 243. * [[w:Peninsular War|The war]] had been going on long enough that soldiers digging graves for comrades would unearth bones of men killed in previous battles. And because they were starving just about anything went into the stewpot. Frogs. Mice. Bugs. Dogs. Snails. Worms. They slaughtered the horses and oxen that were pulling carts heaped with treasure; jeweled [[w:Reliquary|reliquaries]], silver candlestick holders, and gold crucifixes were abandoned in scorched fields or left in carts too heavy for starving men to pull. They drank from stagnant puddles and filthy streams... a well or cistern... never mind the body floating on the surface. ...[[w:Julia Blackburn|Blackburn]] [in ''Old Man Goya''] reports that a soldier who approached a convent being used as a hospital saw amputated limbs along the wall, "while more arms and legs kept flying out the windows..." At [[w:Battle of Corunna|La Coruña]], two thousand horses were shot to prevent enemy soldiers from riding them. ...One Spaniard kept a bag of French ears and fingers. ...[A] pack of English hounds accompanied [the [[Arthur Wellesley, 1st Duke of Wellington|Iron Duke]]]. Between military engagements he would go fox hunting.<br />At [[w:Battle of Talavera|Talavera]]... a fire sprang up in dry grass where... soldiers lay dead or dying, "and men were ashamed because their pangs of hunger increased with the smell of roasting meat." ** Evan S. Connell, ''Francisco Goya'' (2005) p. 174. * The flames of [[Moscow]] were the aurora of the liberty of the world. ** [[Benjamin Constant]], ''Esprit de Conquête''. Preface. (1813). * But war's a game, which, were their subjects wise,<br>Kings would not play at. ** [[William Cowper]], ''The Task'' (1785), Book V, line 187. * Hence jarring sectaries may learn<br>Their real interest to discern;<br>That brother should not war with brother,<br>And worry and devour each other. ** [[William Cowper]], ''The Nightingale and Glow-Worm''. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. [[File:US Navy 050730-N-0335C-002 U.S. Navy Cmdr. Thomas C. Graves and Executive Officer Lt. Brad Coletti look on during USS Constitution change of command ceremony.jpg|thumb|We give up the fort when there's not a man left to defend it. ~ [[W:George Croghan|George Croghan]] ]] * [[Zachary Taylor|General Taylor]] never surrenders. ** {{w|Thomas Leonidas Crittenden}}, Reply to Gen. {{w|Antonio López de Santa Anna}}, {{w|Battle of Buena Vista}}, Feb. 22, 1847. * We give up the fort when there's not a man left to defend it. ** General Croghan. At Fort Stevenson. (1812). * There was a war, just one in a long line of wars, fought for beliefs and principles as all wars have ever been fought and will ever be in days to come. Little was achieved, nothing was gained. Lives were taken and pain was inflicted. The real reasons are lost in the mists. ** [[w:Peter Crowther|Peter Crowther]] and [[w:James Lovegrove|James Lovegrove]], ''The Trembler on the Axis'' (1994), in Edward E. Kramer and Richard Gilliam (eds.) ''[[w:Elric of Melniboné|Tales of the White Wolf]],'' (ISBN 1-56504-175-5). * War has revealed an overpowering national instinct. The conflicting theories of the exact nature and limitations of our government had blinded the shrewdest minds to the fact that we were a nation, with all the feelings and instincts of a nation, and that our quarrels must be settled inside and not outside. ** [[George William Curtis]], as quoted in [https://archive.org/details/orationsandaddr03curtgoog "The Good Fight"] (1865). == D == [[File:BDUs-forest.jpg|thumb|By war's great sacrifice... The world redeems itself.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;J. Davidson}}]] [[File:USS New Orleans (LPD-18) launches RIM-116 missile 2013.jpg|thumb|War is the ultimate realization of modern technology.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Don DeLillo]]}}]] [[File:Statue of Union Soldier Atop Memorial to Civil War Dead, Highland Cemetery, Ypsilanti, Michigan.JPG|thumb|We are not here to applaud manly courage, save as it has been displayed in a noble cause. We must never forget that victory to the rebellion meant death to the republic. We must never forget that the loyal soldiers who rest beneath this sod flung themselves between the nation and [[w:Confederate States of America|the nation destroyers]]. If today we have a country not boiling in an agony of blood... If now we have a united country, no longer cursed by [[Slavery|the hell-black system of human bondage]], if the American name is no longer a by-word and a hissing to a mocking earth, if the star-spangled banner floats only over free American citizens in every quarter of the land, and our country has before it a long and glorious career of justice, liberty, and civilization, we are indebted to the unselfish devotion of the noble army who rest in these honored graves all around us.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Frederick Douglass]]}}]] * &lsquo;But human beans [...] is shootling guns and going up in aerioplanes to drop their bombs on each other's heads every week. Human beans is always killing other human beans.&rsquo; ** [[Roald Dahl]], ''[[wikipedia:The BFG|The BFG]]'' * Men will seem to see new [[Destruction|destructions]] in the [[sky]]. The flames that fall from it will seem to rise in it and to fly from it with terror. They will hear every kind of [[animals]] speak in human language. They will instantaneously run in person in various parts of the world, without motion. They will see the greatest splendour in the midst of darkness. O! marvel of the human race! What madness has led you thus! '''You will speak with animals of every species and they with you in human speech. You will see yourself fall from great heights without any harm and torrents will accompany you, and will mingle with their rapid course.''' ** [[Leonardo da Vinci]], ''The Notebooks of Leonardo Da Vinci'' (1938), ''XX Humorous Writings'', as translated by Edward MacCurdy. * From fear in every guise,<br> From sloth, from love of pelf,<br>By war's great sacrifice<br> The world redeems itself. ** [[John Davidson (poet)|John Davidson]] , ''War Song''. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * Wars throughout [[history]] have been waged for conquest and plunder. In the [[Middle Ages]] when the feudal [[Lord|lords]] who inhabited the [[Castle|castles]] whose towers may still be seen along the [[Rhine]] concluded to enlarge their domains, to increase their power, their prestige and their wealth they declared war upon one another. But they themselves did not go to war any more than the modern feudal lords, the barons of [[Wall Street]] go to war. The feudal barons of the Middle Ages, the economic predecessors of the [[Capitalism|capitalists]] of our day, declared all wars. And their miserable [[Serf|serfs]] fought all the battles. The poor, ignorant serfs had been taught to revere their masters; to believe that when their masters declared war upon one another, it was their patriotic duty to fall upon one another and to cut one another's throats for the profit and glory of the lords and barons who held them in contempt. And that is war in a nutshell. The master class has always declared the wars; the subject class has always fought the battles. The master class has had all to gain and nothing to lose, while the subject class has had nothing to gain and all to lose — especially their lives. <br> They have always taught and trained you to believe it to be your patriotic duty to go to war and to have yourselves slaughtered at their command. But in all the history of the world you, the people, have never had a voice in declaring war, and strange as it certainly appears, no war by any nation in any age has ever been declared by the people. <br> And here let me emphasize the fact — and it cannot be repeated too often — that the working class who fight all the battles, the working class who make the supreme sacrifices, the working class who freely shed their blood and furnish the corpses, have never yet had a voice in either declaring war or making peace. It is the ruling class that invariably does both. They alone declare war and they alone make peace. <br> Yours not to reason why;<br>Yours but to do and die. <br> That is their motto and we object on the part of the awakening workers of this nation. <br> If war is right let it be declared by the people. You who have your lives to lose, you certainly above all others have the right to decide the momentous issue of war or peace. ** [[Eugene V. Debs]], "[http://www.marxists.org/archive/debs/works/1918/canton.htm The Canton, Ohio Speech, Anti-War Speech]" in ''The Call'' (16 June 1918) * '''War is the ultimate realization of modern technology'''. ** [[Don DeLillo]], ''End Zone'' ch.16, (1972). * The [[Presidency of Donald Trump|Trump administration]] has barred [[International Criminal Court]] investigators from entering the United States. Secretary of State [[Mike Pompeo]] announced Friday that the U.S. will start denying visas to members of the ICC who may be investigating alleged [[war crimes]] by the [[U.S. military]] in [[War in Afghanistan (2001–2021)|Afghanistan]]. In September, [[national security]] adviser [[John R. Bolton|John Bolton]] threatened U.S. sanctions against ICC judges if they continued to investigate alleged war crimes committed by U.S. troops in Afghanistan. ** [[W:Democracy Now|Democracy Now,]] [https://www.democracynow.org/2019/3/19/aclu_the_us_is_acting_like ''ACLU: The U.S. Is Acting Like an Authoritarian Regime by Barring ICC Officials Probing War Crimes''] (19 March 2019) * ''Di qui non si passa.'' ** By here they shall not pass. *** [[w:Armando Diaz|Armando Diaz]]. Words inscribed on the Altar of Liberty temporarily erected at Madison Square, N. Y., on the authority of Il Progresso Italiano. * ''Non si passa, passeremo noi.'' ** The words ascribed to General Diaz by the Italians at the battle of the Piave and Monta Grappa, June, 1918. These words are inscribed on the medals struck off for the heroes of this battle. * What argufies pride and ambition?<br> Soon or late death will take us in tow:<br>Each bullet has got its commission,<br> And when our time's come we must go. ** [[Charles Dibdin]], ''The Benevolent Tar''. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * I'm [[iron]]. I lasted through ten years of war, and now I can last through this. It's true, it's not good for the nerves. ** [[Sepp Dietrich]], To Leon Goldensohn, February 28, 1946, from "The Nuremberg Interviews" - by Leon Goldensohn, Robert Gellately - History - 2004 - Page 280. * A feat of chivalry, fiery with consummate courage, and bright with flashing vigor. ** [[Benjamin Disraeli]], of the Charge of the Light Brigade, in the House of Commons (Dec. 15, 1855). * Carry his body hence,—<br>Kings must have slaves;<br>Kings climb to eminence<br>Over men's graves:<br>So this man's eye is dim;—<br>Throw the earth over him. ** [[Henry Austin Dobson]], "Before Sedan", line 7, in ''Vignettes in Rhyme and Vers de Societé'' (London: Henry S. King & Co., 1873), p. 56. * In war men pass like shadows that stain the grass,<br>Leaving their lives upon the green:<br>While Earth bewails the crimson sheen,<br>Men’s dreams and stars and whispers all helpless pass. ** [[Stephen R. Donaldson]], ''[[w:Lord Foul’s Bane|Lord Foul’s Bane]]'' (1977), Chapter 3 * War puts burdens on people without caring whether they are ready for them or not. ** [[Stephen R. Donaldson]], ''[[w:The Illearth War|The Illearth War]]'' (1977), Chapter 11 * We are not here to applaud manly courage, save as it has been displayed in a noble cause. We must never forget that victory to the rebellion meant death to the republic. We must never forget that the loyal soldiers who rest beneath this sod flung themselves between the nation and [[Confederate States of America|the nation destroyers]]. If today we have a country not boiling in an agony of blood, like [[France]], if now we have a united country, no longer cursed by [[Slavery in the United States|the hell-black system of human bondage]], '''if the American name is no longer a by-word and a hissing to a mocking earth, if the star-spangled banner floats only over free [[w:United States citizenship|American citizens]] in every quarter of the land, and our country has before it a long and glorious career of [[justice]], [[liberty]], and [[civilization]], we are indebted to the unselfish devotion of the noble army who rest in these honored graves all around us'''. ** [[Frederick Douglass]], [http://deadconfederates.com/2015/05/25/frederick-douglass-on-decoration-day-1871-5/ "The Unknown Loyal Dead"] (30 May 1871), Arlington National Cemetery, Arlington County, Virginia. * All delays are dangerous in war. ** [[John Dryden]], ''Tyrannic Love'', Act I, scene 1. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * War, he sung, is toil and trouble;<br>Honour but an empty bubble. ** [[John Dryden]], ''Alexander's Feast'' (1697), line 99. *At the border posts, shed blood becomes a sea,<br />The martial emperor's dream of expansion has no end. **[[Du Fu]], Tang poet * When 'tis an aven thing in th' prayin', may th' best man win … an' th' best man will win. ** [[Finley Peter Dunne]], ''Mr. Dooley in Peace and War'', ''On Prayers for Victory''. * 'Tis startin' a polis foorce to prevint war…. How'll they be ar-rmed? What a foolish question. They'll be ar-rmed with love, if coorse. Who'll pay thim? That's a financyal detail that can be arranged later on. What'll happen if wan iv th' rough-necks reaches f'r a gun? Don't bother me with thrifles. ** [[Finley Peter Dunne]], ''On Making a Will''. Mr. Dooley's version of W. J. Bryan's Speech (1920). * Come you masters of war,/You that build all the guns,/You that build the death planes,/You that build the big bombs,/You that hide behind walls,/You that hide behind desks,/I just want you to know,/I can see through your masks./ ** [[Bob Dylan]], Masters of War 1963 * If God’s on our side/They’ll stop the next war ** [[Bob Dylan]], With God on Our Side 1964 == E == [[File:MX MIRV reentry vehicles.jpg|thumb|right|I do not know how the Third World War will be fought, but I can tell you what they will use in the Fourth — rocks!<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Albert Einstein]]}}]] [[File:Castle Bravo Blast.jpg|thumb|right|War is mankind's most tragic and stupid folly; to seek or advise its deliberate provocation is a black crime against all men.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Dwight D. Eisenhower]]}}]] [[File:Peacekeeper-missile-testing.jpg|thumb|right|Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired, signifies, in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. The world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Dwight D. Eisenhower]]}}]] [[File:StrawberryFieldsJuly2007.JPG|thumb|right|Imagine what would happen if the nations of the world spent as much on development as on building the machines of war. Imagine a world where every human being would live in freedom and dignity.[...] Imagine that such a world is within our grasp.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Mohamed ElBaradei]]}}]] [[File:The Soviet Union 1988 CPA 5913 stamp (30th anniversary of Agreement Between the USA and the USSR on Exchanges in the Cultural, Technical and Educational Fields).jpg|thumb|As long as there are sovereign nations possessing great power, war is inevitable.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Albert Einstein]]}}]] [[File:Erasmus at EUR.JPG|thumb|The most disadvantageous [[peace]] is better than the most just war.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Desiderius Erasmus|Erasmus of Rotterdam]]}}]] * There is so much that must be done in a civilized barbarism like war. ** [[Amelia Earhart]], [https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Page:20_Hrs_40_Min_(Earhart).pdf/36 ''20 Hrs., 40 Min.'' (1928), p. 34] * There is no discharge in that war. ** [[Ecclesiastes]], VIII. 8. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * '''All religions, arts and sciences are branches of the same tree.''' All these aspirations are '''directed toward ennobling man's life''', lifting it from the sphere of mere physical existence '''and leading the individual towards freedom'''. It is no mere chance that our older universities developed from clerical schools. Both churches and universities — insofar as they live up to their true function — serve the ennoblement of the individual. They seek to fulfill this great task '''by spreading moral and cultural understanding, renouncing the use of brute force.''' ** [[Albert Einstein]], "Moral Decay" (1937); later published in Out of My Later Years (1950) * I say when you get into a war, you should win as quick as you can, because your losses become a function of the duration of the war. I believe when you get in a war, get everything you need and win it. ** [[Dwight D. Eisenhower]], news conference, Indio, California (March 15, 1968), as reported in ''The New York Times'' (March 16, 1968), p. 15. * Now he conducted her through his armouries where he kept his weapons and weapons for his fighting men and all panoply of war. There he showed her swords and spears, maces and axes and daggers, orfreyed and damascened and inlaid with jewels; byrnies and baldricks and shields; blades so keen, a hair blown against them in a wind should be parted in twain; charmed helms on which no ordinary sword would bite. And Juss said unto the Queen, "Madam, what thinkest thou of these swords and spears? For know well that these be the ladder's rungs that we of Demonland climbed up by to that signiory and principality which now we hold over the four corners of the world." She answered, "O my lord, I think nobly of them. For an ill part it were while we joy in the harvest, to contemn the tools that prepared the land for it and reaped it." ** [[Eric Rücker Eddison]], ''The Worm Ouroboros'', [http://www.sacred-texts.com/ring/two/two39.htm page 499]. * As long as there are sovereign nations possessing great power, war is inevitable. ** [[Albert Einstein]], as quoted in "Einstein on the Atomic Bomb," part 1, an interview by Raymond Swing in ''Atlantic Monthly'' ([http://books.google.com/books?id=iaQGAQAAIAAJ&q=%22As+long+as+there+are+sovereign+nations+possessing+great+power+war+is+inevitable%22&pg=PA43#v=onepage November 1945]) * '''I do not know how the [[World War III|Third World War]] will be fought, but I can tell you what they will use in the Fourth — rocks!''' ** [[Albert Einstein]], as quoted in an interview with Alfred Werner, published in ''Liberal Judaism'' 16 (April-May 1949), 12. Einstein Archive 30-1104, as sourced in ''The New Quotable Einstein'' by Alice Calaprice (2005), p. 173. * '''This topic brings me to that worst outcrop of the herd nature, the military system, which I abhor. That a man can take pleasure in marching in formation to the strains of a band is enough to make me despise him.''' He has only been given his big brain by mistake; a backbone was all he needed. This plague-spot of civilization ought to be abolished with all possible speed. '''Heroism by order, senseless violence, and all the pestilent nonsense that goes by the name of patriotism — how I hate them! War seems to me a mean, contemptible thing: I would rather be hacked in pieces than take part in such an abominable business.''' ** [[Albert Einstein]], Mein Weltbild (My World-view) (1931). ** Variant translation: He who joyfully marches to music in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would fully suffice. This disgrace to civilisation should be done away with at once. '''Heroism at command, senseless brutality, deplorable love-of-country stance, how violently I hate all this, how despicable and ignoble war is; I would rather be torn to shreds than be part of so base an action! It is my conviction that killing under the cloak of war is nothing but an act of murder.''' * '''I hate war as only a soldier who has lived it can, only as one who has seen its brutality, its stupidity.''' ** [[Dwight D. Eisenhower]], Speech in [[w:Ottawa|Ottawa]] (10 January 1946), published in ''Eisenhower Speaks : Dwight D. Eisenhower in His Messages and Speeches'' (1948) edited by Rudolph L. Treuenfels. * '''Every [[Firearm|gun]] that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired, signifies, in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. The world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children.''' ** [[Dwight D. Eisenhower]], 16 April 1953, [[Dwight D. Eisenhower#The_Chance_for_Peace_.281953.29|Speech to the American Society of Newspaper Editors]] * All free men remember that in the final choice a soldier's pack is not so heavy a burden as a prisoner's chains. ** [[Dwight D. Eisenhower]], Inaugural Address. * '''Whether one believes in [[evolution]], [[intelligent design]], or [[w:Divine Creation|Divine Creation]], one thing is certain. Since the beginning of history, human beings have been at war with each other, under the pretext of [[religion]], [[ideology]], [[ethnicity]] and other reasons. And no civilization has ever willingly given up its most powerful weapons. We seem to agree today that we can share modern technology, but we still refuse to acknowledge that our values — at their very core — are shared values.''' ** [[Mohamed ElBaradei]], [http://nobelprize.org/peace/laureates/2005/elbaradei-lecture-en.html Nobel lecture Address in Oslo, Norway (10 December 2005)] * I knew years before the [[w:Pentagon Papers|Pentagon Papers]] came out that the Americans were being lied in to an essentially hopeless war. I’m not proud of the fact that it didn’t occur to me that my [[Oaths|oath of office]], which was to support the [[United States Constitution|Constitution]], called on me to put that information out and say, ‘64, when the war might have been avoided. But I certainly am glad that I finally came aware of what my real responsibilities were there. And I did put it out years later. At times, at that time, which published it, the “[[The New York Times|Times]],” and the 18 other newspapers, which defied [[Richard Nixon|President Nixon]]’s injunctions and did put it out, were in the position of Julian Assange is in now. ** {{cite news|last=Ellsberg|first=Daniel|authorlink=Daniel Ellsberg|url= |title= [[w:The Dylan Ratigan Show|The Dylan Ratigan Show]]|work=[[w:MSNBC|MSNBC]] |publisher=[[w:NBC Universal|NBC Universal]] |pages= |page= |date= June 11, 2010|accessdate=}} * By the rude bridge that arched the flood,<br> Their flag to April's breeze unfurl'd;<br>Here once the embattl'd farmers stood,<br> And fired the shot heard round the world. ** [[Ralph Waldo Emerson]], hymn sung at the completion of the Concord Monument. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * '''The most disadvantageous [[peace]] is better than the most just war.''' ** [[Desiderius Erasmus|Erasmus of Rotterdam]], ''Adagia'' (1508) * Ares (the God of War) hates those who hesitate. ** [[Euripides]], ''Heraclidæ'', 722. * '''The fundamental principle underlying all justifications of war, from the point of view of human personality, is '[[hero]]ism'. War, it is said, offers man the opportunity to awaken the hero who sleeps within him. War breaks the routine of comfortable life; by means of its severe ordeals, it offers a transfiguring knowledge of life, life according to [[death]]. The moment the individual succeeds in living as a hero, even if it is the final moment of his earthly life, weighs infinitely more on the scale of values than a protracted existence spent consuming monotonously among the trivialities of cities. From a spiritual point of view, these possibilities make up for the negative and destructive tendencies of war, which are one-sidedly and tendentiously highlighted by pacifist materialism. War makes one realise the relativity of human life and therefore also the law of a 'more-than-life', and thus war has always an anti-materialist value, a spiritual value.''' ** [[Julius Evola]], ''Metaphysics of War'' [2007], p. 21 == F == [[File:Fort Pillow Massacre, Kurz and Allison, Chicago, 1885.png|thumb|War means fighting, and fighting means killing.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Nathan Bedford Forrest]]}}]] [[File:Battle of Fort Pillow.png|thumb|Expect no quarter.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Nathan Bedford Forrest]]}}]] * [[w:Philo Farnsworth|Phil]] saw [[television]] as a marvelous teaching tool. There would be no excuse of illiteracy. [[Parenting|Parents]] could learn along with their [[children]]. News and sporting events could be seen as they were happening. Symphonies would mean more when one could see the [[Music|musicians]] as they played, and [[Film|movies]] would be seen in our own living rooms. He said there would be a time when we would be able to see and learn about people in other lands. '''If we understood them better, differences could be settled around conference tables, without going to war.''' ** Elma "Pen" Farnsworth on [http://www.byhigh.org/History/Farnsworth/PhiloT1924.html "Philo Taylor Farnsworth", ''Brigham Young University Highschool'']. * It is proverbial that generals always prepare for the last war... ** {{cite book|last=Field|first=James A.|title=History of United States Naval Operations: Korea|url=https://books.google.com/books?id=ixByAAAAMAAJ|year=1962|publisher=U.S. Government Printing Office|page=22}} * Jellicoe has all the Nelsonic attributes except one—he is totally wanting in the great gift of insubordination. ** [[Lord Fisher]], letter to a Privy Councillor (Dec. 27, 1916). * O great corrector of enormous times,<br>Shaker of o'er-rank states, thou grand decider<br>Of dusty and old titles, that healest with blood<br>The earth when it is sick, and curest the world<br>O' the pleurisy of people. ** [[John Fletcher]], ''The Two Noble Kinsmen'' (with [[William Shakespeare]]; c. 1613; published 1634), Act V, scene 1. * [[Nations]] have recently been led to borrow billions for war; no nation has ever borrowed largely for education. Probably, no nation is rich enough to pay for both war and civilization. We must make our choice; we cannot have both. ** [[Abraham Flexner]], ''Universities'', part 3 (1930), p. 302. * The stories I have to tell are not for the ears of youngsters. What were the stories, really? A crowd of men charged from the trench. Later, some of them came back. What more was there to say? Once, a long time ago, war had been glamorous, with pageantry and uniforms to shame a peacock. Now it was only necessary, and the uniforms were the color of mud. ** [[Michael F. Flynn|Michael Flynn]], ''The Forest of Time'' (1987), reprinted in [[w:Gardner Dozois|Gardner Dozois]] (ed.), ''[[w:The Year's Best Science Fiction: Fifth Annual Collection|The Year's Best Science Fiction: Fifth Annual Collection]]'', p. 451 * My right has been rolled up. My left has been driven back. My center has been smashed. I have ordered an advance from all directions. ** Gen. [[Ferdinand Foch]], letter to Marshal [[Joseph Joffre]] during the [[w:First Battle of the Marne|Battle of the Marne]]. * Then came the attack in the Amiens sector on August 8. That went well, too. The moment had arrived. I ordered General Humbert to attack in his turn. "No reserves." No matter. Allez-y (Get on with it) I tell Marshal Haig to attack, too. He's short of men also. Attack all the same. There we are advancing everywhere—the whole line! En avant! Hup! ** Gen. Foch. In an interview with [[w:G. Ward Price|G. Ward Price]], correspondent of London Daily Mail (1919). * I am going on to the Rhine. If you oppose me, so much the worse for you, but whether you sign an armistice or not, I do not stop until I reach the Rhine. ** Gen. Foch to the Germans who came to ask for an armistice. As reported by G. Ward Price in the London Daily Mail. (1919). * Keep the home fires burning, while your hearts are yearning,<br> Tho' your lads are far away they dream of home.<br>There's a silver lining through the dark cloud shining;<br> Turn the dark cloud inside out till the boys come home. ** Mrs. Lena Guilbert Ford. Theme suggested by Ivor Novello, who wrote the music. Sung by the soldiers in the Great War. * '''All of us who served in one war or another know very well that all wars are the glory and the agony of the young.''' ** [[Gerald Ford]], Address to the 75th annual convention of the Veterans of Foreign Wars, Chicago, Illinois (19 August 1974); in ''Public Papers of the Presidents of the United States: Gerald R. Ford, 1974'', p. 25. * War means fighting, and '''fighting means killing'''. ** [[Nathan Bedford Forrest]], as quoted in ''May I Quote You, General Forrest?'' by Randall Bedwell. * Expect no quarter. ** [[Nathan Bedford Forrest]], as quoted in ''May I Quote You, General Forrest?'' by Randall Bedwell. * This fight is against slavery; '''if we lose it, you will be made free'''. ** [[Nathan Bedford Forrest]], as quoted in ''Report of the Joint Select Committee''. * The newspapers still talk about [[war|glory]] but the average man, thank God, has got rid of that illusion. It is a damned bore, with a stall mate as the most probable outcome, but one has to see it through, and see it through with the knowledge that whichever side wins, civilisation in Europe will be pipped for the next 30 years. Don't indulge in Romance here, Malcolm, or suppose that an era of jolly little nationalities is dawning. We shall be much too much occupied with pestilence and poverty to reconstruct. ** [[E. M. Forster]], ''Selected Letters'': Letter 136, to Malcolm Darling, 6 November 1914. * It was sad. It's war. Many others died, too. It's war. ** [[Wilhelm Frick]], About the death of his son, to Leon Goldensohn, March 10, 1946, "The Nuremberg Interviews" by Leon Goldensohn - History - 2007. * '''War is obsolete.''' It could never have been done before. Only ten years ago... technology reached the point where it could be done. Since then the invisible technological-capability revolution has made it ever easier so to do. It is a matter of converting the high technology from weaponry to livingry. The essence of livingry is human-life advantaging and environment controlling. With the highest aeronautical and engineering facilities of the world redirected from weaponry to livingry production, all humanity would have the option of becoming enduringly successful. All previous revolutions have been political—in them the have-not majority has attempted revengefully to pull down the economically advantaged minority. If realized, this historically greatest design revolution will joyously elevate all humanity to unprecedented heights. ** [[Buckminster_Fuller#Critical_Path_(1981)|''Critical Path'']], (1981) == G == [[File:M1A2 tanks at Combined Resolve II (14254298952).jpg|thumb|The [[art]] of [[w:War|war]] is simple enough. Find out where your [[enemy]] is. Get at him as soon as you can. Strike him as hard as you can, and keep moving on.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Ulysses S. Grant]]}}]] [[File:Battle of Vicksburg, Kurz and Allison.png|thumb|No terms except an unconditional and immediate surrender can be accepted.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Ulysses S. Grant]]}}]] [[File:Confederate Monument - S face tight - Arlington National Cemetery - 2011.jpg|thumb|right|Wars produce many [[stories]] of [[fiction]], some of which are told until they are believed to be [[true]].<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Ulysses S. Grant]]}}]] [[File:Robert E. Lee at Fredericksburg.jpg|thumb|There will be people who will not be consoled for the loss of [[Slavery|a cause which they believed to be holy]]. As time passes, people, even of the South, will begin to wonder how it was possible that their ancestors ever fought for or justified institutions which acknowledged [[Slavery|the right of property in man]].<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Ulysses S. Grant]]}}]] * Wars had been fought for as far back as anyone could see. They accompanied the first tribes and settlements, and they persisted through the creation of [[Cities|cites]], [[nations]], [[Empire|empires]], and modern [[State|states]]. They varied only in the means available with which to fight them: as technology advanced so too did lethality, and the unsurprising result that as wars became bigger costs became greater. The first war of which we know the details—the [[w:Peloponnesian War|Peloponnesian War]] between Athens and Sparta during the 5^th century BCE—probably brought about the deaths of 250,000 people. The two world wars of the [[20th century|20^th century]] may well have killed 300 times that number. The propensity for violence that drove these conflict and all those in between remained much the same, as [[Thucydides]] had predicted it would, “human nature being what it is.” What made the difference were the “improvements” in weaponry that inflated the body count. ** [[John Lewis Gaddis]], ''The Cold War: A New History'' (2005), p. 51 * Your flaming torch aloft we bear,<br>With burning heart an oath we swear<br>To keep the faith, to fight it through,<br>To crush the foe or sleep with you<br> In Flanders' fields. ** [[C. B. Galbreath]]. Answer to McCrae's In Flanders' Fields. * The colossus of World War II seemed to be like a pyramid turned upside down. ** As quoted in "The First and the Last," 1954. * What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans, and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty and democracy? ** [[Mahatma Gandhi]], ''Non-Violence in Peace and War'', 1942, Vol. 1, Ch. 142 * You gotta remember that in war, you’re not deciding between the bad thing to and the good thing. You’re choosing between the bad and the worse. And you can’t control the shit that happens after you choose. ** [[Charles E. Gannon]], ''Trial By Fire'' (2014), chapter 27 * Sometimes, thinking just didn’t do any good, didn’t provide any answers. Because for some questions—such as the arbitrariness of life and death during wartime—there weren’t any answers. ** [[Charles E. Gannon]], ''Trial By Fire'' (2014), chapter 27 * When the red wrath perisheth, when the dulled swords fail,<br>These three who have walked with Death—these shall prevail.<br>Hell bade all its millions rise; Paradise sends three:<br>Pity, and Self-sacrifice, and Charity. ** [[Theodosia Garrison]], ''These shall Prevail''. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * Sufficeth this to prove my theme withal,<br>That every bullet hath a lighting place. ** [[Gascoigne]], ''Duke Bellum Inexpertis''. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * '<b>A more stupid and wasteful business there never was.</b> Fields will not be planted, food will run low, tax revenues will dry up &mdash; save from the makers of swords and munitions.' ** [[David Gemmell#Stormrider|David Gemmell, <i>Stormrider</i>]] (Ch. 15) * Once blood is shed in a national quarrel reason and right are swept aside by the rage of angry men. ** [[David Lloyd George]], ''War Memoirs'' (1942), vol. 2, chapter 81, p. 1815. * I was bandaging their wounds together with a field nurse. We did what we could: tearing strips from shirts and using them as bandages. So many died there! One lost his arm and died before making it to the crossing. Just fell down. Our radio operator too. Our girls, as they were climbing up the bank, got hit too. They were screaming, calling for their mothers. Torn limbs were flying from the blasts. It was terrifying. '''The most horrible is not the shelling itself, but to see its result'''. ** Maria Georgievna, [https://facingstalingrad.com/interviews/maria-faustova-aleksandr-voronov/ interview on facingstalingrad.com] * [B]y adopting [[microeconomics]], [[game theory]], [[Systems theory|systems analysis]], and other [[Management science|managerial techniques]], the [[John F. Kennedy|Kennedy]] [[w:Presidency of John F. Kennedy|administration]] advanced [[w:Limited war|“limited” war]] to greater specificity, making it seem much more controllable, manageable, and therefore desirable as [[Foreign policy of the United States|foreign policy]]. ** James Gibson, ''The Perfect War: Technowar in Vietnam''. Boston: Atlantic Monthly Press, 1986, p. 80; as qtd. in Antoine Bosquet, [https://www.academia.edu/390023/Cyberneticizing_the_American_War_Machine_Science_and_Computers_in_the_Cold_War “Cyberneticizing the American War Machine: Science and Computers in the Cold War”], p. 96. * The war we are fighting until victory or the bitter end is in its deepest sense a war between [[Christ]] and [[Karl Marx|Marx]].<br> Christ: the principle of love.<br> Marx: the principle of hate. ** [[Joseph Goebbels]], ''Der Kampf, den wir heute ausfechten bis zum Sieg oder bis zum bitteren Ende, ist im tiefsten Sinne ein Kampf zwischen Christus und Marx. <br> Christus: das Prinzip der Liebe. <br> Marx: das Prinzip des Hasses.<br>'' * We have 500,000 reservists in America who would rise in arms against your government if you dare to make a move against Germany. ** Zimmermann to Ambassador Gerard. "I told him that we had five hundred thousand and one lamp posts in America, and that was where the German reservists would find themselves if they tried any uprising." Ambassador Gerard's answer. Jakes W. Gerard, [http://www.loc.gov/teachers/classroommaterials/presentationsandactivities/presentations/timeline/progress/wwone/loyalty.html ''My Four Years in Germany''], p. 237. * Neither ridiculous shriekings for revenge by French chauvinists, nor the Englishmen's gnashing of teeth, nor the wild gestures of the Slavs will turn us from our aim of protecting and extending German influence all the world over. ** Official secret report of the Germans, quoted in the ''French Yellow Book''. * Ye living soldiers of the mighty war,<br> Once more from roaring cannon and the drums<br> And bugles blown at morn, the summons comes;<br>Forgot the halting limb, each wound and scar:<br> Once more your Captain calls to you;<br> Come to his last review! ** [[R. W. Gilder]], ''The Burial of Grant''. * An attitude not only of defence, but defiance. ** [[Thomas Gillespie]], ''The Mountain Storm''. "Defence not defiance" became the motto of the Volunteer Movement. (1859). * I believe the media can be the greatest force for [[peace]] on Earth. Instead, all too often, it is wielded as a weapon of war. That has to be challenged. ** [[Amy Goodman]] Introduction, Democracy Now!: Twenty Years Covering the Movements Changing America (2016) * If you are opposed to war, you are not a fringe minority. You are not a silent majority. You are part of a silenced majority. Silenced by the mainstream media. ** [[Amy Goodman]] The Exception to the Rulers written with David Goodman (2004) * [I]magine if the U.S. media showed uncensored, hellish images of war-even for one week. What impact would that have? I think we would be able to abolish war. ** [[Amy Goodman]] The Exception to the Rulers written with David Goodman (2004) * '''Göring''': '''Why, of course, the people don't want war.''' Why would some poor slob on a farm want to risk his life in a war when the best that he can get out of it is to come back to his farm in one piece? '''Naturally, the common people don't want war; neither in [[Russia]] nor in [[England]] nor in America, nor for that matter in Germany. That is understood.''' But, after all, it is the leaders of the country who determine the policy and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along, whether it is a [[democracy]] or a [[Fascism|fascist]] [[dictatorship]] or a [[Parliamentary system|Parliament]] or a [[Communism|Communist]] dictatorship.<br> ''Gilbert'': There is one difference. In a democracy, the people have some say in the matter through their [[Representation|elected representatives]], and in the United States only [[United States Congress|Congress]] can declare wars. <br>''Göring'': Oh, that is all well and good, but, voice or no voice, '''the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the [[Pacifism|pacifists]] for lack of [[patriotism]] and exposing the country to danger. It works the same way in any country.''' ** [[Hermann Göring]], [http://www.snopes.com/quotes/goering.htm In an interview with Gilbert in Göring's jail cell during the Nuremberg War Crimes Trials (18 April 1946)] * O, send Lewis Gordon hame<br>And the lad I maune name,<br>Though his back be at the wa'<br>Here's to him that's far awa'.<br>O, hon! my Highlandman,<br>O, my bonny Highlandman,<br>Weel would I my true love ken<br>Among ten thousand Highlandmen. ** Accredited to [[Geddes—Lewis Gordon]]. In ''Scotch Songs and Ballads''. * '''The [[art]] of [[war]] is simple enough. Find out where your [[enemy]] is. Get at him as soon as you can. Strike him as hard as you can, and keep moving on.''' ** [[Ulysses S. Grant]], Statement to John Hill Brinton, at the start of his Tennessee River Campaign, early 1862, as quoted in ''Personal Memoirs of John H. Brinton, Major and Surgeon U.S.V., 1861-1865'' (1914) by John Hill Brinton, p. 239. * No terms except an unconditional and immediate surrender can be accepted. I propose to move immediately upon your works. ** [[Ulysses S. Grant]], to Gen. S. B. Buckner. Fort Donelson. February 16, 1862. * For the present, and so long as there are living witnesses of the great war of sections, '''there will be people who will not be consoled for the loss of [[Slavery|a cause which they believed to be holy]]. As time passes, people, even of the South, will begin to wonder how it was possible that their ancestors ever fought for or justified institutions which acknowledged [[Slavery|the right of property in man]]'''. ** [[Ulysses S. Grant]], [http://www.gutenberg.org/etext/4367 ''Personal Memoirs of General U. S. Grant''] (1885), Ch. 12. * '''I don't underrate the value of [[military]] [[knowledge]], but if men make war in slavish obedience to [[rules]], they will fail.''' ** [[Ulysses S. Grant]], as quoted in ''A History of Militarism: Romance and Realities of a Profession'' (1937) by Alfred Vagts, p. 27. * '''Though I have been trained as a [[soldier]], and participated in many [[battles]], there never was a time when, in my opinion, some way could not be found to prevent the drawing of the [[sword]].''' I look forward to an epoch when a [[court]], recognized by all nations, will settle international differences, instead of keeping large standing [[armies]] as they do in [[Europe]]. ** [[Ulysses S. Grant]], as quoted in "International [[Arbitration]]" by W. H. Dellenback in ''The Commencement Annual, University of Michigan'' (30 June 1892) and in ''A Half Century of International Problems: A Lawyer's Views'' (1954) by [[w:Frederic René Coudert|Frederic René Coudert]], p. 180. * '''Wars produce many [[stories]] of [[fiction]], some of which are told until they are believed to be [[true]].''' ** [[Ulysses S. Grant]], [http://www.gutenberg.org/etext/4367 ''Personal Memoirs of General U. S. Grant''] (1885), Ch. 67. *'''War was return of earth to ugly earth,<br>War was foundering of sublimities,<br>Extinction of each happy art and faith<br>By which the world had still kept head in air'''. ** [[Robert Graves]] Recalling War," lines 31–34, from Collected Poems 1938 (1938). * The [[British Army|British army]] should be a projectile to be fired by the [[Royal Navy|British navy]]. ** [[Edward Grey, 1st Viscount Grey of Fallodon|Viscount Grey]]. Quoted by Lord Fisher, in Memories, as "the splendid words of Sir Edward Grey". * We will be misguided in our intentions if we point at one single thing and say that it will prevent war, unless, of course, that thing happens to be the will, the determination, and the resolve of people everywhere that nations will never again clash on the battlefield. ** [[Leslie Groves]] Opening address (7 Nov 1945) of Town Hall’s annual lecture series, as quoted in 'Gen. Groves Warns on Atom ‘Suicide’', New York Times (8 Nov 1945), 4. (Just three months before he spoke, two atom bombs dropped on Japan in Aug 1945 effectively ended WW II.) * [[Logistics]] is the ball and chain of armored warfare. ** [[Heinz Guderian]] Quoted in "Sword Point" - Page 141 - by Harold Coyle - 1988. * The facts come sometimes to belie those who are convinced of the present reality of ‘moral progress’, according to the most usual conception of it; but all they do is modify their ideas a little in this respect, or refer the realization of their ideal to a more or less remote future, and they, too, might crawl out of their difficulties by talking about a ‘rhythm of progress’. Besides this, by a much simpler solution, they usually strive to forget the lesson of experience: '''such are the incorrigible dreamers who, at each new war do not fail to prophesy that it will be the last.''' ** [[René Guénon]], ''East and West'' (Ghent NY: Sophia Perennis, 2001; originally published in 1924 in French as ''Orient et Occident''), p. 23 (Ch. 1, "Civilization & Progress"). [https://archive.org/details/eastwest0000guen/page/22/mode/2up?q=war&view=theater] * ''Con disavvantaggio grande si fa la guerra con chi non ha che perdere.'' ** One is in great disadvantage if goes to war with those who have nothing to lose. *** [[Francesco Guicciardini]], ''Storia d'Italia'' (1537-1540). == H == [[File:Filosofo detto eraclito, da villa dei papiri, peristilio quadrato.JPG|thumb|right|War is the father and king of all: some he has made gods, and some men; some slaves and some free.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Heraclitus]]}}]] * During the war of the rebellion [[Jay Gould|Gould]]'s firm did a large business in railway securities, and also made a great deal of money speculating in gold. Gould had private sources of information in the field, and he was able to turn almost every success or defeat of the [[w:Union army|Union army]] to profitable account. ** [[w:Murat Halstead|Murat Halstead]], J. Frank Beale, and [[w:Willis Fletcher Johnson|Willis Fletcher Johnson]]: {{cite book|url=https://books.google.com/books?id=rTacWNpL-rUC&pg=PA73|title = Life of Jay Gould: How He Made His Millions|page=73|year = 1892}} * War itself is not a mere science but a more fickle sort of thing, often subject to fate or chance, being an entirely human enterprise... ** [[Victor Davis Hanson]], ''A War Like No Other - How the Athenians and Spartans Fought the Peloponnesian War'' (2005) * The greater the hold of government upon the life of the individual citizen, the greater the risk of war. ** [[John Hospers]], ''Libertarianism: A Political Philosophy for Tomorrow'', Los Angeles: CA, Nash Publishing (1971) p. 411-412 * '''I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.''' ** [[Jack Handey]] ''Deep Thoughts'' (1992), Berkley Publishing Group, <small> {{ISBN|0-425-13365-6}} </small> * Yes; quaint and curious war is!<br> You shoot a fellow down<br>You'd treat if met where any bar is,<br> Or help to half-a-crown. ** [[Thomas Hardy]], ''The Man he Killed''. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * They were left in the lurch<br>For want of more wadding—He ran to the church—<br> * * * * * *<br>With his arms full of hymnbooks …<br>Rang his voice, "Put Watts into 'em—Boys, give 'em Watts." ** [[Bret Harte]], ''Caldwell of Springfield''. * An hour ago, a Star was falling.<br>A star? There's nothing strange in that.<br> No, nothing; but above the thicket,<br>Somehow it seemed to me that God<br> Somewhere had just relieved a picket. ** [[Bret Harte]], ''Relieving Guard''. * Hark! I hear the tramp of thousands,<br> And of armèd men the hum;<br>Lo, a nation's hosts have gathered<br> Round the quick alarming drum—<br> Saying, Come,<br> Freemen, Come!<br>Ere your heritage be wasted,<br> Said the quick alarming drum. ** [[Bret Harte]], ''The Rèveille''. * Let the only walls the foe shall scale<br> Be ramparts of the dead! ** [[Paul H. Hayne]], ''Vicksburg''. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * My men never retire. They go forward or they die. ** [[w:William Hayward|Col. William Hayward]] to a French General who cried to him to retire his troops, the 369th Infantry, colored. See N. Y. Herald. Feb. 3, 1919. Attributed also to Major Bundy, but denied by him. * Most of these who are thrust into combat soon find it impossible to maintain the mythic perception of war. ** [[Chris Hedges]], ''War Is a Force that Gives Us Meaning'' ISBN 1586480499, (2002) * The vanquished know [[war]]. They see through the empty [[w:jingoism|jingoism]] of those who use the [[abstract]] words of [[glory]], [[honor]], and [[patriotism]] to [[mask]] the cries of the [[wounded]], the [[senseless]] killing, [[w:war profiteering|war profiteering]], and chest-pounding [[grief]]. ** [[Chris Hedges]], [http://www.antiwar.com/orig/hedges.php?articleid=6294 War: Realities and Myths] (11 June 2005) * Napoleon healed through sword and fire the sick nation. ** [[Heinrich Heine]]. See Scherer, ''History of German Literature'', II. 116. * The purpose of war is to support your government's decisions by force. ** [[Robert Heinlein]], ''[[Starship Troopers]]''. * Suffer not yourselves to be betrayed with a kiss. Ask yourselves how this gracious reception of our petition comports with those warlike preparations which cover our waters and darken our land. Are fleets and armies necessary to a work of love and reconciliation? Have we shown ourselves so unwilling to be reconciled, that force must be called in to win back our love? Let us not deceive ourselves, sir. These are the implements of war and subjugation—the last arguments to which kings resort. ** [[Patrick Henry]], speech to the Virginia Convention, Richmond, Virginia (March 23, 1775); in William Wirt, ''Sketches of the Life and Character of Patrick Henry'', 9th ed. (1836, reprinted 1970), p. 139. "While there is no doubt as to the general effect of Henry's speech, questions as to its actual wording are not so easily disposed of. Not only is there no manuscript copy of the oration, there is no stenographic report…. It was not until some forty years later that William Wirt first reprinted a reconstruction of Henry's oration. In the absence of contemporary written information" there was much criticism of Wirt's text. Wirt collected much of the information for his biography of Patrick Henry "when many of Henry's auditors at St. John's [church] were still in their clear-minded fifties or sixties". Wirt collected information from "intelligent and reliable" auditors, including John Tyler, Judge St. George Tucker, and Edmund Randolph. "Wirt's text was based on a few very helpful sources plus many bits of information. He had ample proof for certain burning phrases … a remarkable resemblance to Henry's other speeches during that period", the fact that the speech conforms to others in "oratorical style and technique, even in the use of Biblical quotations or analogies. Of course, Wirt may have used fragments" from earlier speeches for the reconstruction. "Yet the information on the text as a whole is more precise than for many other great speeches in history". Robert Douthat Meade, ''Patrick Henry, Practical Revolutionary'' (1969), vol. 2, p. 38–40. "I can find no evidence that Patrick Henry's 'Give me liberty, or give me death' went ringing round the country in 1775, when he thus burst forth to the Virginia delegates, or in fact that it was quoted at all until after William Wirt's official life in 1817". Carroll A. Wilson, "Familiar 'Small College' Quotations, II: Mark Hopkins and the Log", ''The Colophon'' (spring 1938), p. 204. * '''The god of war has gone over to the other side.''' ** [[Adolf Hitler]], Statement to [[w:Alfred Jodl|Alfred Jodl]], after losses in the [[w:Battle of Stalingrad|Battle of Stalingrad]], as quoted in ''The Second World War : An Illustrated History'' (1979) by [[w: A. J. P. Taylor|A. J. P. Taylor]] * Hang yourself, brave Crillon. We fought at Arques, and you were not there. ** [[Henry IV of France|Henry IV]], to Crillon after a great victory. Sept. 20, 1597. Appeared in a note to Voltaire's Henriade, VIII. 109. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * Πόλεμος πάντων μὲν πατήρ ἐστι πάντων δὲ βασιλεύς, καὶ τοὺς μὲν θεοὺς ἔδειξε τοὺς δὲ ἀνθρώπους, τοὺς μὲν δούλους ἐποίησε τοὺς δὲ ἐλευθέρους.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Heraclitus]]}} *# '''War is the father and king of all: some he has made gods, and some men; some slaves and some free.''' *# War is the father and king of all, and has produced some as gods and some as men, and has made some slaves and some free. ([http://www.classicpersuasion.org/pw/heraclitus/herpatu.htm G. T. W. Patrick, 1889]) *#* [[Hippolytus]], ''Ref. haer. ix.'' 9 (Fragment 53). Context: "And that the father of all created things is created and uncreated, the made and the maker, we hear him (Heraclitus) saying, 'War is the father and king of all,' etc." *#* [[Plutarch]], ''de Iside'' 48, p. 370. Context, see frag. 43. *#* [[Proclus]] in ''Tim.'' 54 A (comp. 24 B). *#* Compare [[Chrysippus]] from ''Philodem. P. eusebeias, vii.'' p. 81, Gomperz. *#* [[Lucianus]], ''Quomodo hist. conscrib. 2;'' Idem, ''Icaromen 8.'' *# See also: [[Wiktionary:EL:πόλεμος πάντων μὲν πατήρ ἐστι, πάντων δὲ βασιλεύς|πόλεμος πάντων μὲν πατήρ ἐστι, πάντων δὲ βασιλεύς]] *# [[Martin Heidegger]], ''Parmenides'' (1942–1943) * Τίς γὰρ αὐτῶν νόος ἢ φρήν; [δήμων] ἀοιδοῖσι ἕπονται καὶ διδασκάλῳ χρέωνται ὁμίλῳ, οὐκ εἰδότες ὅτι πολλοὶ κακοὶ ὀλίγοι δὲ ἀγαθοί. αἱρεῦνται γὰρ ἓν ἀντία πάντων οἱ ἄριστοι, κλέος ἀέναον θνητῶν, οἱ δὲ πολλοὶ κεκόρηνται ὅκωσπερ κτήνεα. *# '''The best people renounce all for one goal, the eternal fame of mortals; but most people stuff themselves like cattle.''' *# For what sense or understanding have they? They follow minstrels and take the multitude for a teacher, not knowing that many are bad and few good. For the best men choose one thing above all – immortal glory among mortals; but the masses stuff themselves like cattle. ([http://www.classicpersuasion.org/pw/heraclitus/herpatu.htm G.T.W. Patrick, 1889]) *#: "The passage is restored as above by Bernays (''Heraclitea i.'' p. 34), and Bywater (p. 43), from the following sources: *#:* [[Clement of Alexandria|Clement of Alex.]] ''Strom. v. 9,'' p. 682. *#:* [[Proclus]] in ''Alcib.'' p. 255 Creuzer, = 525 ed. ''Cous. ii.'' *#:* [[Clement of Alexandria|Clement of Alex.]] ''Strom. iv.'' 7, p. 586." * Inquiry shall likewise be made about the professions and trades of those who are brought to be admitted to the &#91;Christian&#93; faith. ... A soldier of the civil authority must be taught not to kill men and to refuse to do so if he is commanded, and to refuse to take an oath; if he is unwilling to comply, he must be rejected. ... If a catechumen or a believer seeks to become a soldier, they must be rejected, for they have despised God. ** [[Hippolytus of Rome]], ''Apostolic Tradition'' * I believe that I am today acting according to the purposes of the almighty Creator. In resisting the Jew, I am fighting the Lord’s battle. ** Adolf Hitler, ''Mein Kampf'' (1925) * And I should not like to forget the hint which I have already given once before, on 1 September 1939, in the German Reichstag — that should the other world be plunged into a general war, Jewry as a whole will have played out its role in Europe. They can laugh at this today just as they laughed at my prophecies before. The coming months and years will prove that here too I was right. ** Adolf Hitler, quoted in ''Hitler, Reden und Prokiamationen, 1932—1945'', Neustadt/Aisch, (1963) * I have played straight with the Jews. On the eve of war I gave them a last warning. I warned them that if they again plunged the world into war, they would not be spared this time — that the vermin would be finally exterminated in Europe. They replied to this warning by a declaration of war. . . . We have pierced the Jewish abscess. The world of the future will be eternally grateful to us. ** Adolf Hitler, Le Testament politique de Hitler. Notes recueillies par Martin Bormann, Paris, 1959, * the red father of war<br />who signs his name<br />in the blood of other men ** [[Linda Hogan (writer)]] Dark. Sweet.: New & Selected Poems (2014) * Bleak are our shores with the blasts of December,<br> Fettered and chill is the rivulet's flow;<br>Throbbing and warm are the hearts that remember<br> Who was our friend when the world was our foe. ** [[Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.]], Welcome to the Grand Duke Alexis, Dec. 6, 1871. Referring to the fleet sent by Russia in Sept., 1863, an act with mixed motives, but for which we were grateful. * What I mean by saying that war is wrong is not only that it is bad but that it ought not to be waged, that governments ought not to declare and fight wars, societies ought not to provide them with the means by which to do so, and individuals ought not to sanction, support and participate in wars. ** [[Robert L. Holmes|Robert L. Holmes]], ''On War and Morality'' [https://books.google.com/books?id=TBoABAAAQBAJ&q=Robert+L.+Holms#v=onepage&q=Robert%20L.%20Holms&f=false (1989)] p. 15 * By focusing on the entitlements of collectivities (notably nation states) as opposed to the well-being of individuals, the [[just war theory]] frames a rationale for war which omits the central moral issue...whether the massive, systematic and deliberate killing of human beings can ever be justified. **[[Robert L. Holmes]], ''Pacifism: A Philosophy of Nonviolence,'' (2017) p. xvii * If a visitor from outer space were to come to know human beings on this earth .... at work and play, and without knowledge of human history or international affairs, what would he conclude? No doubt that virtually everyone values friendship, peace and happiness; ...If having observed all this the visitor were then told that a scheme had been proposed ... which for the present would require that people pour their wealth into the production of weapons of destruction, ... train their sons and daughters to kill and periodically send them off to slaughter..[and] that humans could improve their lot provided only that they do all of these things, he would ridicule the scheme as having not the slightest chance of success, and even less of being accepted by rational beings. Yet this is precisely what humankind has been led to accept in the case of war. It has proven willing to abandon virtually everything worth living for, to do things all agree are abhorrent, for reasons few understand, and for ends (such as peace) that history shows cannot be secured by these means. **[[Robert L. Holmes]], ''The Ethics of Nonviolence: Essays by Robert L. Holmes,'' Editor: Predrag Cicovaki, [https://books.google.com/books?id=0XbHAgAAQBAJ&q=Robert+L.+Holms] (2013) Chapter 9 - "War, Power and Nonviolence" p. 143-144 * A necessary condition of the justifiable pursuit of ''any objectives'' in war by ''any means'' whatever.. is that one be justified in engaging in such killing and violence in the first place. **[[Robert L. Holmes|Robert L. Holmes]], ''On War and Morality'' (1989) p. 180 * It is not nuclear violence alone that is the threat to mankind. It is the willingness to kill our fellow human beings – the innocent as well as the noninnocent- for political ends. Unless we are willing to redirect our time, energy, and resources away from perfecting the means of mass destruction of whatever sort and into exploring nonviolent alternatives to '''war itself''', our efforts to combat the threat of nuclear war are likely to be of no avail. ** [[Robert L. Holmes]], ''On War and Morality'' [https://books.google.com/books?id=TBoABAAAQBAJ&q=Robert+L.+Holms#v=onepage&q=Robert%20L.%20Holms&f=false (1989)] Introduction p. 10 * I war not with the dead. ** [[Homer]], ''Iliad'', Book VII, line 485. Pope's translation. Charles V. Of Luther. Found in W, line Hertslet—Der Treppenwitz der Weltgeschichte. * Cursed is the man, and void of law and right,<br>Unworthy property, unworthy light,<br>Unfit for public rule, or private care,<br>That wretch, that monster, who delights in war; ** [[Homer]], ''Iliad'', IX, 63; quoted by [[Polybius]], XII, 6, 26 ** Paton's translation of Polybius. * Take thou thy arms and come with me,<br>For we must quit ourselves like men, and strive<br>To aid our cause, although we be but two.<br>Great is the strength of feeble arms combined,<br>And we can combat even with the brave. ** [[Homer]], ''Iliad'', Book XIII, line 289. Bryant's translation. * The chance of war<br>Is equal, and the slayer oft is slain. ** [[Homer]], ''Iliad'', Book XVIII, line 388. Bryant's translation. * It is not right to exult over slain men. ** [[Homer]], ''Odyssey'', XII. 412. Quoted by John Morley in a speech during the Boer War. Also by John Bright in his speech on America, June 29, 1867. Compare Archilochus—Frag. Berk. No. 64. (Hiller. No. 60. Liebel. No. 41). * So ends the bloody business of the day. ** [[Homer]], ''Odyssey'', Book XXII, line 516. Pope's translation * Older men declare war. But it is youth that must fight and die. And it is youth who must inherit the tribulation, the sorrow and the triumphs that are the aftermath of war. ** [[Herbert Hoover]], address to the 23d Republican national convention, Chicago, Illinois (June 27, 1944). ''Official Report of the Proceedings of the Twenty-third Republican National Convention'' (1944), p. 166. * Nimirum hic ego sum. ** Here indeed I am; this is my position. ** [[Horace]], ''Epistles'', Book I. 15. 42 * Postquam Discordia tetra<br>Belli ferratos postes portasque refregit. ** When discord dreadful bursts her brazen bars,<br> And shatters locks to thunder forth her wars. ** [[Horace]], ''Satires'', I. 4. 60. Quoted. Original not known, thought to be from Ennius. * Ye who made war that your ships<br> Should lay to at the beck of no nation,<br>Make war now on Murder, that slips<br> The leash of her hounds of damnation;<br>Ye who remembered the Alamo,<br>Remember the Maine! ** [[Richard Hovey]], ''The Word of the Lord from Havana''. * We cannot well exaggerate ... the horrors, the hateful ravages, and the countless expense of war... show plainly to our children that war, with its embodied woes and furies must be avoided. ** [[w:Oliver Otis Howard|Oliver Otis Howard]], as quoted in [https://books.google.com/books?id=i5u1P0Fq4GYC&printsec=frontcover&dq=0307594084&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwj17N6CovLcAhUPUt8KHTa1CrgQ6AEIKDAA#v=onepage&q&f=false ''Gettysburg: The Last Invasion''] (2013), by [[Allen C. Guelzo]], p. 9 * Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord:<br>He is trampling out the vintage where the grapes of wrath are stored:<br>He hath loosed the fateful lightning of his terrible swift sword:<br> His [[truth]] is marching on. ** [[Julia Ward Howe]], ''Battle Hymn of the Republic''. * ''L'Angleterre prit l'aigle, et l'Autriche l'aiglon.'' ** The English took the eagle and Austrians the eaglet. ** [[Victor Hugo]]. Napoleon adopted the lectern eagle for his imperial standard. His son was the eaglet. * Earth was the meadow, he the mower strong. ** [[Victor Hugo]], ''La Légende des Siècles''. * The sinews of war are those two metals (gold and silver). ** Arthur Hull to Robert Cecil, in a Memorial, Nov. 28, 1600. Same idea in Fuller's Holy State, p. 125. (Ed. 1649). * Individuals who commit serious violations of the laws of war with criminal intent – that is, intentionally or recklessly – may be prosecuted for '''war crimes'''. Individuals may also be held criminally liable for assisting in, facilitating, aiding, or abetting a war crime. All governments that are parties to an armed conflict are obligated to investigate alleged war crimes by members of their armed forces. ** Human Rights Watch [https://www.hrw.org/news/2018/09/02/yemen-coalition-bus-bombing-apparent-war-crime ''Yemen: Coalition Bus Bombing Apparent War Crime,''] (2 September 2018) * The closeness of their intercourse [the intercourse of nations] will assuredly render war as absurd and impossible by-and-by, as it would be for Manchester to fight with Birmingham, or Holborn Hill with the Strand. ** [[Leigh Hunt]], ''Preface to Poems''. * If we do not change course quickly, we will inevitably encounter an incident where that first domino is tipped—triggering a sequence of unstoppable events that will mark [[w:Nuclear holocaust|the end of our time]] on this tiny planet... My hope lies in... the leaders of [[communities]] and [[social movements]], big and small, who are willing to forfeit everything—including their lives—in defence of [[human rights]]. ** [[Zeid Raad Al Hussein|Zeid Ra’ad Al Hussein]] in [https://www.economist.com/open-future/2018/08/30/grassroots-leaders-provide-the-best-hope-to-a-troubled-world '''''Grassroots leaders provide the best hope to a troubled world''', The Economist'',] (30 August 2018) * All war [[propaganda]] consists, in the last resort, in substituting diabolical abstractions for human beings. Similarly, those who defend war have invented a pleasant sounding vocabulary of abstractions in which to describe the process of mass murder. ** [[Aldous Huxley]], in "Pacifism and Philosophy" (1936). * Pavlov’s findings were confirmed in the most distressing manner, and on a very large scale, during the two World Wars. As the result of a single catastrophic experience, or of a succession of terrors less appalling but frequently repeated, soldiers develop a number of disabling psycho-physical symptoms. Temporary unconsciousness, extreme agitation, lethargy, functional blindness or paralysis, completely unrealistic responses to the challenge of events, strange reversals of life-long patterns of behaviour—all the symptoms, which Pavlov observed in his dogs, re-appeared among the victims of what in the First World War was called ‘shell shock’, in the Second, ‘battle fatigue’. Every man, like every dog, has his own individual limit of endurance. Most men reach their limit after about thirty days of more or less continuous stress under the conditions of modern combat. The more than averagely susceptible succumb in only fifteen days. The more than averagely tough can resist for forty-five or even fifty days. Strong or weak, in the long run all of them break down. All, that is to say, of those who are initially sane. For, ironically enough, '''the only people who can hold up indefinitely under the stress of modern war are psychotics. Individual insanity is immune to the consequences of collective insanity.''' ** [[Aldous Huxley]], ''Brave New World Revisited'' (London: Chatto & Windus, 1959), Chapter 7: "Brainwashing", p. 88 [https://archive.org/details/bravenewworldrev0000aldo_p6s5/page/88/mode/2up?q=psychotics] == I == * Attempts to prohibit the use of particular weapons in warfare have been made in various civilizations over a long period of time....[I]n ancient times, the Laws of Manu (the greatest of the [[Hinduism|Hindu]] codes prohibited [[Hindu|Hindus]] from using poisoned arrows; and the [[Greeks]] and [[Roman Empire|Romans]] customarily observed a prohibition against using poison or poisoned weapons. During the [[Middle Ages]] the Lateran Council of 1132 declared that the [[w:Crossbow|crossbow]] [was prohibited.] ** Editor J. INT'L L (1907) Supplement 95-6. (11 dec. 1868) 1 AM. ''reproduced in id.,'' at p. 29; as quoted by Kelly Dawn Askin, (1997). ''[https://books.google.com/books?id=ThfzGvSvQ2UC&hl=en War Crimes Against Women: Prosecution in International War Crimes Tribunals]''. Martinus Nijhoff Publishers. ISBN 978-90-411-0486-1., p.35. * I can give no adequate description of the Horror Camp in which my men and myself were to spend the next month of our lives. It was just a barren wilderness, as bare as a chicken run. Corpses lay everywhere, some in huge piles, sometimes they lay singly or in pairs where they had fallen. It took a little time to get used to seeing men women and children collapse as you walked by them and to restrain oneself from going to their assistance. One had to get used early to the idea that the individual just did not count. One knew that five hundred a day were dying and that five hundred a day were going on dying for weeks before anything we could do would have the slightest effect. It was, however, not easy to watch a child choking to death from [[w:Diptheria|diptheria]] when you knew a [[w:Tracheotomy|tracheotomy]] and nursing would save it, one saw women drowning in their own [[vomit]] because they were too weak to turn over, and men eating [[worms]] as they clutched a half loaf of [[bread]] purely because they had to eat worms to live and now could scarcely tell the difference. Piles of corpses, naked and obscene, with a woman too weak to stand proping herself against them as she cooked the food we had given her over an open fire; men and women crouching down just anywhere in the open relieving themselves of the dysentary which was scouring their bowels, a woman standing stark naked washing herself with some issue soap in water from a tank in which the remains of a child floated. It was shortly after the [[w:British Red Cross|British Red Cross]] arrived, though it may have no connection, that a very large quantity of lipstick arrived. This was not at all what we men wanted, we were screaming for hundreds and thousands of other things and I don't know who asked for lipstick. I wish so much that I could discover who did it, it was the action of genius, sheer unadulterated brilliance. I believe nothing did more for these internees than the lipstick. Women lay in bed with no sheets and no nightie but with scarlet red lips, you saw them wandering about with nothing but a blanket over their shoulders, but with scarlet red lips. I saw a woman dead on the post mortem table and clutched in her hand was a piece of lipstick. At last someone had done something to make them individuals again, they were someone, no longer merely the number tatooed on the arm. At last they could take an interest in their appearance. That lipstick started to give them back their humanity. ** An extract from the diary of Lieutenant Colonel Mervin Willett Gonin DSO who was amongst the first British soldiers to liberate [[w:Bergen-Belsen concentration camp|Bergen-Belsen]] in 1945. Source: [[w:Imperial War Museum|Imperial War Museum]] (1945). * Nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they learn war any more. ** [[Isaiah]], 2:4. == J == [[File:Saint James the Just.jpg|thumb|You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. ~ [[Epistle of James|James the Just]]]] [[File:WMD world map.svg|thumb|Reflective apologists for [[war]] at the present day all take it religiously. It is a sort of sacrament. It's [[profits]] are to the vanquished as well as to the victor; and quite apart from any question of profit, it is an [[absolute]] [[good]], we are told, for it is [[human nature]] at its highest dynamic. ~ [[William James]] ]] [[File:CH-53 landing at Defense Attaché Office compound, Operation Frequent Wind.jpg|thumb|How many men who listen to me tonight have served their nation in other wars? How very many are not here to listen? The war in Vietnam is not like these other wars. Yet, finally, war is always the same. It is young men dying in the fullness of their promise. It is trying to kill a man that you do not even know well enough to hate. Therefore, to know war is to know that there is still madness in this world.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Lyndon B. Johnson]]}}]] * Then, sir, we will give [[United States|them]] the bayonet! ** [[Stonewall Jackson]], reply to Colonel Barnard E. Bee when he reported that the Americans were beating them back. At the [[w:First Battle of Bull Run|First Battle of Bull Run]] (21 July 1861); as quoted in ''Stonewall Jackson As Military Commander'' (2000) by John Selby, p. 21. * You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. ** [[Epistle of James|James]] 4:2 [[New International Version|NIV]] * '''Reflective apologists for war at the present day all take it [[religiously]].''' It is a sort of [[sacrament]]. It's [[profits]] are to the vanquished as well as to the victor; and quite apart from any question of profit, it is an absolute good, we are told, for it is human nature at its highest dynamic. ** [[William James]], in [[s:The Moral Equivalent of War|''The Moral Equivalent of War'' (1906)]] * YOU are going to hear of wars and reports of wars; see that YOU are not terrified. For these things must take place, but the end is not yet. <br> For nation will rise against nation and kingdom against kingdom, and there will be food shortages and earthquakes in one place after another. All these things are a beginning of pangs of distress. ** [[Jesus]], [http://www.watchtower.org/e/bible/mt/chapter_024.htm Matthew 24:6-8 New World Translation] * He saith among the trumpets, Ha, ha; and he smelleth the battle afar off. ** [[Book of Job|Job]], XXXIX. 25. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * The safety of the country is at stake…. We must let ourselves be killed on the spot rather than retreat…. No faltering can be tolerated today. ** [[Joseph Joffre]]—Proclamation. Sept. 6, 1914. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * And war broke out in heaven: [[Michael (archangel)|Mi′cha•el]] and his angels battled with the [[dragon]], and the dragon and its [[angel]]s battled but it did not prevail, neither was a place found for them any longer in heaven. So down the great dragon was hurled, the original [[snake|serpent]], the one called [[Devil]] and [[Satan]], who is misleading the entire inhabited [[earth]]; he was hurled down to the earth, and his angels were hurled down with him. And I heard a loud voice in heaven say: : “Now have come to pass the salvation and the [[power]] and the [[Kingdom of God|kingdom of our God]] and the authority of his Christ, because the accuser of our brothers has been hurled down, who accuses them day and night before our God! :* John, [http://wol.jw.org/en/wol/d/r1/lp-e/1001060069?q=michael&p=par Apocalypse or Revelation 12:9-12] * How many men who listen to me tonight have served their nation in other wars? How very many are not here to listen? The war in Vietnam is not like these other wars. Yet, finally, '''war is always the same. It is young men dying in the fullness of their promise. It is trying to kill a man that you do not even know well enough to hate. It is a crime against mankind... Therefore, to know war is to know that there is still madness in this world'''. ** [[Lyndon B. Johnson]], [http://millercenter.org/president/speeches/speech-4035 State of the Union Address] (12 January 1966). * Among the calamities of war, may be justly numbered the diminution of the love of [[truth]], by the falsehoods which interest dictates, and credulity encourages. ** [[Samuel Johnson]], ''The Idler'', no. 30 (November 11, 1758). A more succinct version is: "The first casualty when war comes is truth", attributed to Senator [[Hiram Johnson]], remarks in the Senate, 1918. Burton Stevenson, ed., ''The Macmillan Book of Proverbs, Maxims, and Famous Phrases'' (1948), p. 2445. Reported as unverified in ''Respectfully Quoted: A Dictionary of Quotations'' (1989). * I have prayed in her fields of poppies,<br> I have laughed with the men who died—<br>But in all my ways and through all my days<br> Like a friend He walked beside.<br>I have seen a sight under Heaven<br> That only God understands,<br>In the battles' glare I have seen Christ there<br> With the Sword of God in His hand. ** [[Gordon Johnstone]], On Fields of Flanders. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * Every battle, every war - is fought for things worth [[dying]] for. ** [[w:Arthur M. Jolly|Arthur M. Jolly]], in the play ''Every Battle, Every War'', Original Works Press. (2009). * Men [[dying]] is a relative thing. The effect of the air campaign is a cumulative one and no one can predict which blow will be the crucial blow [to the enemy]. ** U.S. General Harold K. Johnson in a White House meeting of [[w:Lyndon B. Johnson|Lyndon B. Johnson]] and advisors, in response to the question of why they should ask a man to risk his life to bomb a tactically insignificant target. September 5, 1967. [http://web.archive.org/web/20021027113710/http://www.state.gov/r/pa/ho/frus/johnsonlb/v/13157.htm Memorandum From the President's Assistant (Jones) to President Johnson] * A navy is essentially and necessarily aristocratic. True as may be the political principles for which we are now contending they can never be practically applied or even admitted on board ship, out of port, or off soundings. This may seem a hardship, but it is nevertheless the simplest of truths. Whilst the ships sent forth by the Congress may and must fight for the principles of human rights and republican freedom, the ships themselves must be ruled and commanded at sea under a system of absolute despotism. ** [[John Paul Jones]], [http://www.rulit.me/books/the-last-ship-read-334944-1.html letter to the Naval Committee of Congress] (14 September 1775). * The Philistines be upon thee, Samson. ** Judges, XVI. 9. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * The people arose as one man. ** Judges, XX. 8. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * War is expensive. Winning a war, however, is less expensive than losing one. ** [[Mike Jones]], [http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/04/11/military.recruiting.ap/ &ldquo;Military re-enlistment bonuses skyrocket,&rdquo;] CNN, 11 April 2007. * In war you learn your lessons, and they stay learned, but the tuition fees are high. ** [[Ernst Jünger]], ''Storm of Steel'' (1920) == K == [[File:THE HOPE OF ALL THE WORLD - NARA - 515613.jpg|thumb|[[Strike action|Strike]] against war, for without you no battles can be fought.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Helen Keller]]}}]] [[File:IraqWarHeader.jpg|thumb|War has a momentum of its own and it carries you away from all thoughtful intentions when you get into it.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[George F. Kennan]]}}]] [[File:Bucha, Ukraine, June 2022 (52136362580).jpg|thumb|War seldom ever leads to [[good]] [[results]].<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[George F. Kennan]]}}]] [[File:AlfredPalmerM3tank1942b.jpg|thumb|Mankind must put an end to war or war will put an end to mankind.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[John F. Kennedy]]}}]] [[File:John_F._Kennedy%2C_White_House_color_photo_portrait.jpg|thumb|A war today or tomorrow, if it led to [[nuclear war]], would not be like any war in history. A full-scale nuclear exchange, lasting less than 60 minutes, with the weapons now in existence, could wipe out more than 300 million Americans, Europeans, and Russians, as well as untold numbers elsewhere.... the survivors would envy the dead. For they would inherit a world so devastated by explosions and poison and fire that today we cannot even conceive of its horrors.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[John F. Kennedy]]}}]] [[File:President Kennedy signs Nuclear Test Ban Treaty, 07 October 1963.jpg|thumb| So let us try to turn the world away from war. Let us make the most of this opportunity, and every opportunity, to reduce tension, to slow down the perilous nuclear arms race, and to check the world's slide toward final annihilation.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[John F. Kennedy]]}}]] [[File:M26-Pershing-Naktong-19500903.JPG|thumb|I am not unmindful of the [[fact]] that violence often brings about momentary results. [[Nations]] have frequently won their [[independence]] in battle. But in spite of temporary victories, violence never brings permanent [[peace]]. It solves no social problem: it merely creates new and more complicated ones.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Martin Luther King Jr.]]}}]] [[File:John William Waterhouse - Ulysses and the Sirens (1891).jpg|thumb|There is a fascinating little [[story]] that is preserved for us in Greek literature about [[w:Odysseus|Ulysses]] and the [[w:siren|Sirens]]. ... When [[w:Orpheus|Orpheus]] sang, who bothered to listen to the Sirens? So we must fix our [[vision]] not merely on the negative expulsion of war, but upon the positive affirmation of [[peace]]. We must see that peace represents a sweeter [[music]], a cosmic melody that is far superior to the discords of war.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Martin Luther King Jr.]]}}]] [[File:Flickr - Israel Defense Forces - Karakal Winter Training (1).jpg|thumb|Four things greater than all things are. Women and Horses and Power and War.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Rudyard Kipling]]}}]] * Its is important, too, to realize that deadly violence among primitives is not even remotely comparable to modern warfare. When primitives fight, two little bands of men shoot arrows or swing war-clubs at one another because they want to fight; or because they are defending themselves, their families, or their territory. In the modern world soldiers fight because they have been brainwashed into believing in some kook ideology such as that of Nazism, socialism, or what American politicians choose to call "freedom". In any case the modern soldier is merely a pawn, a dupe who dies not for his family or his tribe but for the politicians who exploit him. If he's unlucky, maybe he does not die but comes home horribly crippled in a way that would never result from an arrow -or a spear-wound. Meanwhile, thousands of non-combatants are killed or mutilated. The environment is ravaged, not only in the war zone, but also back home, due to the accelerated consumption of natural resources needed to feed the war machine. In comparison, the violence of primitive man is relatively innocuous. ** Ted Kaczyneski, "''The Truth about Primitive Life: The Road to Revolution''" (2008) * (While smiling, and jokingly) You haven't come to see me for three weeks. I wondered whether you had become disgusted with us war criminals - particularly me, the so-called archcriminal of them all. ** [[Ernst Kaltenbrunner]] to Leon Goldensohn, 6/6/46, from "The Nuremberg Interviews" by Leon Goldensohn, Robert Gellately - History - 2004. * Even [[Philosophy|philosophers]] will praise war as ennobling mankind, forgetting the Greek who said: War is bad in that it begets more evil than it kills. ** [[Immanuel Kant]], as quoted in ''Philosophical Perspectives on Peace: An Anthology of Classical and Modern Sources'' (1987) by Howard P. Kainz, p. 81 * All wars are accordingly so many attempts (not in the intention of man, but in the intention of Nature) to establish new relations among states, and through the destruction or at least the dismemberment of all of them to create new political bodies, which, again, either internally or externally, cannot maintain themselves and which must thus suffer like revolutions; until finally, through the best possible civic constitution and common agreement and legislation in external affairs, a state is created which, like a civic commonwealth, can maintain itself automatically. ** Immanuel Kant, [http://www.marxists.org/reference/subject/ethics/kant/universal-history.htm "Idea for a Universal History from a Cosmopolitan Point of View"] (1784) as translated in ''On History'' (1963) by Lewis White Beck; also translated as ''Idea for a General History with a Cosmopolitan Purpose, Seventh Thesis'' * By virtue of their mutual interest does nature unite people against violence and war…the spirit of trade cannot coexist with war, and sooner or later this spirit dominates every people. For among all those powers…that belong to a nation, financial power may be the most reliable in forcing nations to pursue the noble cause of peace…and wherever in the world war threatens to break out, they will try to head it off through mediation, just as if they were permanently leagued for this purpose. ** [[Immanuel Kant]], ''[https://books.google.com/books?isbn=0872206912 To Perpetual Peace]''. * [t]he laws of war are only as strong as those who insist that they be observed." ** Peter Karsten, ''Law, Soldier, And Combat'', ''supra'' note 55, p. 70; as quoted in as quoted in Kelly Dawn Askin (1997). ''[https://books.google.com/books?id=ThfzGvSvQ2UC&hl=en War Crimes Against Women: Prosecution in International War Crimes Tribunals]''. Martinus Nijhoff Publishers. ISBN 978-90-411-0486-1., p.36. * [[Strike action|Strike]] against war, for without you no battles can be fought. Strike against manufacturing shrapnel and gas bombs and all other tools of murder. Strike against preparedness that means death and misery to millions of human beings. Be not dumb, obedient slaves in an army of destruction. Be heroes in an army of construction. ** [[Helen Keller]], in [http://www.historyisaweapon.com/defcon1/helenstrike.html "Strike Against War", speech in Carnegie Hall (5 January 1916)]. * Now the following questions have to be raised: did the occupation of other countries improve our own happiness? Does the individual German get anything out of such conquests? Won't we get into trouble with another powerful nation some place tomorrow or the day after? The differences in interests among the large nations will not be diminished by expanding ourselves. ** [[Friedrich Kellner]], ''My Opposition'' (1940). * Modern war has become too complex to be entrusted to the [[intuition]] of even the most [[experienced]] military commander. Only our giant [[brains]] can [[calculate]] all the [[possibilities]]. ** [[w:John Kemeny|John Kemeny]] (1961), as qtd. in Sharon Ghamari-Tabrizi, ''The Worlds of Herman Kahn: The Intuitive Science of Thermonuclear War'', Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 2005, p. 149; as qtd. in Antoine Bosquet, [https://www.academia.edu/390023/Cyberneticizing_the_American_War_Machine_Science_and_Computers_in_the_Cold_War “Cyberneticizing the American War Machine: Science and Computers in the Cold War”], p. 88 * Anyone who has ever studied the history of American diplomacy, especially military diplomacy, knows that you might start in a war with certain things on your mind as a purpose of what you are doing, but in the end, you found yourself fighting for entirely different things that you had never thought of before … In other words, war has a momentum of its own and it carries you away from all thoughtful intentions when you get into it. Today, if we went into Iraq, like the president would like us to do, you know where you begin. You never know where you are going to end. ** [[George F. Kennan]], as quoted in [http://hnn.us/articles/997.html "George Kennan Speaks Out About Iraq" at ''History News Network'' (26 September 2002)] * Whenever you have a possibility of going in two ways, either for peace or for war, for peaceful methods of for military methods, in the present age there is a strong prejudice for the peaceful ones. War seldom ever leads to good results. ** [[George F. Kennan]], as quoted in "George Kennan Speaks Out About Iraq" at ''History News Network'' (26 September 2002) * For the love of God, for the love of your children and of the civilization to which you belong, cease this madness. You are mortal men. You are capable of error. You have no right to hold in your hands—there is no one wise enough and strong enough to hold in his hands—destructive power sufficient to put an end to civilized life on a great portion of our planet. ** [[George F. Kennan]], cited in {{cite news| url=http://www.boston.com/news/globe/obituaries/articles/2005/03/18/george_kennan_dies_at_101_devised_cold_war_policy| title=Obituary: George Kennan dies at 101; devised Cold War policy| date=2005-03-18| publisher=Boston Globe}}; also cited in {{cite book| title=House of War|last=Carroll| first=James| publisher=Houghton Mifflin Co| year=2006| location=Boston & New York| id={{ISBN|0618187804}}| chapter=Upstream| pages=581, note 140}} * War will exist until that distant day when the {{w|conscientious objector}} enjoys the same reputation and prestige that the warrior does today. ** [[John F. Kennedy]], [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx Undated Letter to a Navy friend]. [http://www.nytimes.com/2007/08/26/magazine/26wwln-safire-t.html Also mentioned by William Safire in his 2007-08-26 "On Language" article "Warrior" in the New York Times rubric Magazines.] * '''In a world of danger and trial, peace is our deepest aspiration''', and when peace comes we will gladly convert not our swords into plowshares, but our bombs into peaceful reactors, and our planes into space vessels. "Pursue peace," the Bible tells us, and we shall pursue it with every effort and every energy that we possess. But '''it is an unfortunate fact that we can secure peace only by preparing for war.''' ** [[John F. Kennedy]], [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/?pid=25654 Speech at Civic Auditorium, Seattle, Washington (6 September 1960)]<!-- Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley, The American Presidency Project --> * And if there is one path above all others to war, it is the path of weakness and disunity. ** [[John F. Kennedy]], [https://www.jfklibrary.org/archives/other-resources/john-f-kennedy-speeches/berlin-crisis-19610725 "Radio and Television Report to the American People on the Berlin Crisis" (25 July 1961)]; addressing the impending possibility of war between the United States and the [[w:Soviet Union|Soviet Union]] (USSR) over the [[w:Berlin Crisis of 1961|crisis in]] [[w:Berlin|Berlin]], [[w:Germany|Germany]]. * Mankind must put an end to war — or war will put an end to mankind ** [[John F. Kennedy]], Address before the General Assembly before the United Nations (25 September 1961). * The world is a very different one now. For man holds in his mortal hands the power to abolish all forms of human [[poverty]], and all forms of human life. ** [[John F. Kennedy]], Inaugural address (1961), as quoted in ''In Our Own Words : Extraordinary Speeches of the American Century'' (1999) by Robert G. Torricelli and Andrew Carroll, 222 * Every inhabitant of this planet must contemplate the day when this planet may no longer be habitable. Every man, woman and child lives under a nuclear [[w:Sword of Damocles|sword of Damocles]], hanging by the slenderest of threads, capable of being cut at any moment by accident or miscalculation or by madness. '''The weapons of war must be abolished before they abolish us.''' ** [[John F. Kennedy]], Address to the United Nations General Assembly, (25 September 1961) * [[w:Trinity (nuclear test)|Eighteen years ago the advent of nuclear weapons]] [[w:History of nuclear weapons|changed the course of the world as well as the war]]. Since that time, all mankind has been struggling to escape from the darkening prospect of mass destruction on earth. In an age when both sides have come to possess enough [[nuclear power]] to destroy the human race several times over, the world of communism and the world of free choice have been caught up in a vicious circle of conflicting ideology and interest. Each increase of tension has produced an increase of arms; each increase of arms has produced an increase of tension. ** [[John F. Kennedy]], [https://www.jfklibrary.org/asset-viewer/archives/JFKWHA/1963/JFKWHA-207/JFKWHA-207 Radio and Television Address to the American People on the Nuclear Test Ban Treaty], (26 July 1963) * '''A war today or tomorrow, if it led to [[nuclear war]], would not be like any war in history.''' A full-scale nuclear exchange, lasting less than 60 minutes, with the weapons now in existence, could wipe out more than 300 million Americans, Europeans, and Russians, as well as untold numbers elsewhere. And '''the survivors''', as [[Nikita Khrushchev|Chairman Khrushchev]] warned the [[w:Chinese Communist Party|Communist Chinese]], "the survivors would envy the dead." For they '''would inherit a world so devastated by explosions and poison and fire that today we cannot even conceive of its horrors. So let us try to turn the world away from war. Let us make the most of this opportunity, and every opportunity, to reduce tension, to slow down the perilous nuclear arms race, and to check the world's slide toward final annihilation.''' ** [[John F. Kennedy]], [https://www.jfklibrary.org/asset-viewer/archives/JFKWHA/1963/JFKWHA-207/JFKWHA-207 Radio and Television Address to the American People on the Nuclear Test Ban Treaty], (26 July 1963) * It is not easy for a free community to organise for war. We are not accustomed to listen to experts or prophets. Our strength lies in an ability to improvise. Yet an open mind to untried ideas is also necessary. ** [[John Maynard Keynes]], ''How to Pay for the War'' (1940), Ch. 1. The Character of the Problem * O thus be it ever, when freemen shall stand between their loved homes and the war's desolation. ** [[Francis Scott Key]], "The Star-Spangled Banner" (1814). * The unified field theory that best fits the currently known facts is what I call the '''"theory of competitive control."''' This is the notion that non-state armed groups, of many kinds, draw their strength and freedom of action primarily from their ability to manipulate and mobilize populations, and that they do this using a spectrum of methods from coercion to persuasion, by creating a normative system that makes people feel safe through the predictability and order that it generates. This theory has been part of many people’s thinking about insurgency and civil war for a long time. But the cases…suggest that it applies to any non-state armed group that preys on a population. ** [[w:David Kilcullen|David Kilcullen]], ''Out of the Mountains: The Coming Age of the Urban Guerrilla'', 2013. * War has changed little in principle from the beginning of recorded history. The [[w:Mechanized warfare|mechanized warfare]] of today is only an evolution of the time when men fought with clubs and stones, and its [[Machine|machines]] are as nothing without the men who invent them, man them and give them life. War is force- force to the utmost- force to make the enemy yield to our own will- to yield because they see their comrades killed and wounded- to yield because their own will to fight is broken. War is men against men. Mechanized war is still men against men, for machines are masses of inert metal without the men who control them- or destroy them. ** [[Ernest King|Ernest J. King]], as quoted in the prologue (page viii) of his memoirs, ''Fleet Admiral King: A Naval Record (1952)''. * Violence as a way of achieving racial justice is both impractical and immoral. I am not unmindful of the fact that violence often brings about momentary results. Nations have frequently won their independence in battle. But in spite of temporary victories, '''violence never brings permanent peace. It solves no social problem: it merely creates new and more complicated ones. Violence is impractical because it is a descending spiral ending in destruction for all. It is immoral because it seeks to humiliate the opponent rather than win his understanding: it seeks to annihilate rather than convert. Violence is immoral because it thrives on hatred rather than love. It destroys community and makes brotherhood impossible. It leaves society in monologue rather than dialogue. Violence ends up defeating itself. It creates bitterness in the survivors and brutality in the destroyers.''' ** [[Martin Luther King Jr.]], The Quest for Peace and Justice (1964), [http://www.nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/peace/laureates/1964/king-lecture.html#footnote Martin Luther King's Nobel Lecture, delivered in the Auditorium of the University of Oslo (11 December 1964)] * '''We will not build a peaceful world by following a negative path. It is not enough to say "We must not wage [[war]]." It is necessary to love [[peace]] and sacrifice for it. We must concentrate not merely on the negative expulsion of war, but on the positive affirmation of peace.''' There is a fascinating little story that is preserved for us in Greek literature about [[w:Odysseus|Ulysses]] and the [[w:siren|Sirens]]. The Sirens had the ability to sing so sweetly that sailors could not resist steering toward their island. Many ships were lured upon the rocks, and men forgot home, duty, and honor as they flung themselves into the sea to be embraced by arms that drew them down to death. Ulysses, determined not to be lured by the Sirens, first decided to tie himself tightly to the mast of his boat, and his crew stuffed their ears with wax. But finally he and his crew learned a better way to save themselves: they took on board the beautiful singer Orpheus whose melodies were sweeter than the music of the Sirens. When Orpheus sang, who bothered to listen to the Sirens? So we must fix our vision not merely on the negative expulsion of war, but upon the positive affirmation of peace. '''We must see that peace represents a sweeter music, a cosmic melody that is far superior to the discords of war. Somehow, we must transform the dynamics of the world power struggle from the negative nuclear arms race, which no one can win, to a positive contest to harness humanity's creative genius for the purpose of making peace and prosperity a reality for all the nations of the world. In short, we must shift the arms race into a peace race. If we have a will — and determination — to mount such a peace offensive, we will unlock hitherto tightly sealed doors of hope and transform our imminent cosmic elegy into a psalm of creative fulfillment. ''' ** [[Martin Luther King Jr.]], [https://www.nobelprize.org/prizes/peace/1964/king/lecture/ “Nobel Lecture, December 11, 1964”], University of Oslo, ''Nobelprize.org'', (December 11, 1964) * War bred the strangest [[Paranoia|paranoias]] from its soup of [[Deception|deceptions]], [[misinformation]], misdirection, and poor communication. And lack of any cultural basis for understanding. ** [[w:Donald Kingsbury|Donald Kingsbury]], ''The Survivor'' (1991), reprinted in [[w:David G. Hartwell|David G. Hartwell]] (ed.), ''[[w:The Space Opera Renaissance|The Space Opera Renaissance]],'' {{ISBN|0-765-30618-2}}, p. 692 * Soon the men of the column began to see that though the scarlet line was slender, it was very rigid and exact. ** [[w:Alexander William Kinglake|Alexander William Kinglake]], ''Invasion of the Crimea'', Volume III, p. 455. "The spruce beauty of the slender red line." Kinglake—Invasion of the Crimea, Volume III, p. 248. Ed. 6. * For heathen heart that puts her trust<br> In reeking tube and iron shard—<br>All valiant dust that builds on dust,<br> And guarding calls not Thee to guard—<br>For frantic boast and foolish word,<br>Thy mercy on Thy People, Lord! ** [[Rudyard Kipling]], ''Recessional''. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * Four things greater than all things are,—<br>Women and Horses and Power and War. ** [[Rudyard Kipling]], ''[[s:The Ballad of the King's Jest|The Ballad of the King's Jest]]'' (1890). * For agony and spoil<br> Of nations beat to dust,<br>For poisoned air and tortured soil<br> And cold, commanded lust,<br>And every secret woe<br> The shuddering waters saw—<br>Willed and fulfilled by high and low—<br> Let them relearn the Law. ** [[Rudyard Kipling]], ''Justice'' (Oct. 24, 1918). * But let this fact burn its way into your brain to save you from hell and rouse you for the revolution—this fact:<br />Nowhere on all that battlefield among the shattered rifles and wrecked canon, among the broken ambulances and splintered ammunition wagons, nowhere in the mire and mush of blood and sand, nowhere among the bulging and befouling carcasses of dead horses and swelling corpses of dead men and boys—nowhere could be found the torn, bloated and fly-blown carcasses of bankers, bishops, politicians, "brainy capitalists" and other elegant and eminent "very best people."<br />Well, hardly.<br />Naturally—these proud, cunning and ''intelligent'' people were not there, ''on the firing line''.<br />Listen, oh, listen—you betrayed multitude of toil-damned, war-blasted workers of all nations:<br />If the masters want blood, let them cut their own throats.<br />We don't want other people's blood and we refuse to wast our own.<br />Let those who want "great victories" ''go to the firing line and get them''.<br />If war is good enough to ''vote'' or to ''pray'' for, it is good enough to ''go to—up close'' where bayonets gleam, swords flash, canon roar, rifles clash, flesh rips, blood spurts, bones snap, brains are dashed,—''up close'' where men toil, sweat, freeze, starve, kill, groan, scream, pray, laugh, howl, curse, go mad and die,—''up close'' where the flesh and blood of betrayed men and boys are pounded into a red mush of mud by shrieking canon balls, by the iron-shod hoofs of galloping horses and the steel-bound wheels of rushing gun-trucks.<br />"What is war?"<br />They say "War is Hell."<br />Well, then, let those who want hell, go to hell. ** [[w:George Ross Kirkpatrick|George Ross Kirkpatrick]], ''[https://books.google.com/books?id=JTBUggGDnmAC War--what For?]'' (1914) pp. 27-28 * You are ordered abroad as a soldier of [[George V of the United Kingdom|the King]] to help our French comrades against the invasion of a common enemy. You have to perform a task which will need your courage, your energy, and your patience. Remember that the honor of the British Army depends on your individual conduct. It will be your duty not only to set an example of discipline and perfect steadiness under fire, but also to maintain the most friendly relations with those whom you are helping in this struggle…. Do your duty bravely. Fear God and honor the King. ** [[w:Herbert Kitchener|Herbert Kitchener]], 1st Earl Kitchener, a printed address to the British Expeditionary Force, carried by the soldiers on the Continent. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * War is itself a political act with primarily political objects and under the American form of government political officials must necessarily direct its general course. ** [[w:Dudley Wright Knox|Dudley Wright Knox]], ''A History of the United States Navy'' (1936), chapter 24, final paragraph, p. 274. * We are all saddened by the [[W:Barbarism|barbarism]] of humanity. The most negative manifestation of [[free will]] is seen in outbursts of war. ** [[Koot Hoomi|Koot Hoomi]], in ''Supermundane'', [[Agni Yoga]] (1938) * Those who ignite wars should think about the abyss into which they thrust the planet. Even a war that afflicts only a few countries promotes the destruction of the entire planet. No one thinks of war as a planetary sickness, yet one can see what improvements in life are cut short everywhere in the world by even local wars. Such convulsions are not needed when steady progress is possible. 515. ** [[Koot Hoomi|Koot Hoomi]], in ''Supermundane'', [[Agni Yoga|''Agni Yoga'']] (1938) * How is the world ruled and led to war? Diplomats lie to journalists and believe these lies when they see them in print. ** [[Karl Kraus]], ''Half-Truths and One-And-A-Half Truths: Selected Aphorisms'', as translated by Harry Zohn, Engendra Press: 1976, p. 81. * Every single war ever fought anywhere had spawned shadow battles between the warring governments and their own citizens. Black markets, war profiteering, blockade runners, quislings, conscientious objectors, organized crime and its less organized siblings. False government contracts, false traveling papers, false bills of lading, false passenger lists, and, for the really sophisticated, falsifying [[w:Database|deebee]] programs. All it took were contacts and money. ** [[Nancy Kress]], ''Probability Space'' (2002), <small> {{ISBN|0-765-34514-5}} </small>, Chapter 3 (p. 45) * "…wars of the 17th century on the European continent 3 million people perished, in the 18th century and in the 19th century - 5.5. million...[T]he First World War wiped out 10 million lives, the Second - over 50 million. ** V.N. Kudriavtsev, ''The Nuremberg Trial and Problems of Strengthening the International Legal Order, in'' THE NUREMBERG TRIAL AND INTERNATIONAL LAW 1-2 (Ginsburgs & Kudriavtsev eds,m 1990).; as quoted in [https://books.google.com/books?id=ThfzGvSvQ2UC&hl=en ''War Crimes Against Women: Prosecution in International War Crimes Tribunals''], by Kelly Dawn Askin, (1997). Martinus Nijhoff Publishers. ISBN 978-90-411-0486-1. p.12 * Glory was the lie concocted to inspire innocent fools to war. ** [[w:Paul Kupperberg|Paul Kupperberg]], ''Walk Upon the Waters'' in [[w:Brian Thomsen|Brian Thomsen]] & [[w:Martin H. Greenberg|Martin H. Greenberg]] (eds.), ''Oceans of Magic'' (2001), p. 234 == L == [[File:4th_United_States_Colored_Infantry.jpg|thumb|The sword was given for this, that none need live a slave.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Marcus Annaeus Lucanus]]}}]] * War will not end until all of the violent people are killed. ** [[w:Roger Langbecker|Roger Langbecker]], ''Czarmangis''. * Friendship itself prompts it (Government of the U. S.) to say to the Imperial Government (Germany) that repetition by the commanders of German naval vessels of acts in contravention of those rights (neutral) must be regarded by the Government of the United States, when they affect American citizens, as deliberately unfriendly. ** Secretary of War Lansing. Reply to the German Lusitania Note (July 21, 1915). Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * There is no such thing as an inevitable war. If war comes it will be from failure of human wisdom. ** [[Bonar Law]]. Speech before the Great War. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * I have always believed that success would be the inevitable result if the two services, the army and the navy, had fair play, and if we sent the right man to fill the right place. ** [[w:Austen Henry Layard|Austen Henry Layard]], ''Speech in Parliament'' (Jan. 15, 1855). * It is well that war is so terrible, otherwise we should grow too fond of it. ** [[Robert E. Lee]], comment to James Longstreet, on seeing a Union charge repelled in the Battle of Fredericksburg (13 December 1862). * When Greeks joined Greeks, then was the tug of war! ** [[Nathaniel Lee]], ''The Rival Queens; or, Alexander the Great'', Act IV, scene 2. * Art, thou hast many infamies,<br>But not an infamy like this.<br>O snap the fife and still the drum<br>And show the monster as she is. ** [[w:Richard Le Gallienne|Richard Le Gallienne]], ''The Illusion of War''. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * We went over there and fought the war and eventually burned down every town in North Korea anyway, someway or another, and some in South Korea too. ** [[Curtis LeMay]], in ''Strategic Air Warfare: An Interview with Generals'' (1988) * I want you to make love, not war, I know you've heard it before. ** [[John Lennon]], in his final fading statement in "[[w:Mind Games (song)|Mind Games]]" on ''[[w:Mind Games|Mind Games]]'' (1973). * O, God assist our side: at least, avoid assisting the enemy and leave the rest to me. ** [[w:Leopold I, Prince of Anhalt-Dessau|Prince Leopold of Anhalt-Dessau]], according to [[Thomas Carlyle]], ''Life of Frederick the Great'', Book XV, Chapter XIV. * The ballot is stronger than the bullet. ** [[Abraham Lincoln]] (1856). Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60 * We, on our side, are praying Him to give us victory, because we believe we are right; but those on the other side pray to Him, look for victory, believing they are right. What must He think of us? ** [[Abraham Lincoln]], in 1861, as quoted in [https://books.google.com/books?id=3WMDAAAAYAAJ&pg=PA124 ''The Life of Abraham Lincoln: Drawn from Original Sources''] (1900), Volume 3, New York: Lincoln History Society, p. 124 * Armies, the world over, destroy enemies' property when they can not use it; and even destroy their own to keep it from the enemy. Civilized belligerents do all in their power to help themselves, or hurt the enemy, except a few things regarded as barbarous or cruel. Among the exceptions are the massacre of vanquished foes, and non-combatants, male and female. ** [[Abraham Lincoln]], [http://quod.lib.umich.edu/l/lincoln/lincoln6/1:849?rgn=div1;view=fulltext letter to James C. Conkling] (26 August 1863) * One month too late. ** Von Linsingen's remark when told of Italy's declaration of war against Austria in Great War. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * To arms! to arms! ye brave!<br> Th' avenging sword unsheathe,<br>March on! march on! all hearts resolved<br> On victory or death! ** [[Joseph Rouget de Lisle]], ''The Marseilles Hymn''. 7th stanza by Du Bois. See Figaro, Literary Supplement, Aug. 7, 1908. * At the Captain's mess, in the Banquet-hall,<br>Sat feasting the officers, one and all—<br>Like a sabre-blow, like the swing of a sail,<br>One raised his glass, held high to hail,<br>Sharp snapped like the stroke of a rudder's play,<br>Spoke three words only: "To the day!" ** [[Ernest Lissauer]], ''Hassgesang gegen England'' (Song of Hate against England). Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * Thus, if there is anyone who is confident that he can advise me as to the best advantage of the state in this campaign which I am about to conduct, let him not refuse his services to the state, but come with me into Macedonia. I will furnish him with his sea-passage, with a horse, a tent, and even travel-funds. If anyone is reluctant to do this and prefers the leisure of the city to the hardships of campaigning, let him not steer the ship from on shore. ** [[Livy]], book 44, chapter 22; reported in ''Livy'', trans. Alfred C. Schlesinger (1951), vol. 13, p. 161. Lucius Aemilius Paulus is addressing the people at a public meeting. President Franklin Roosevelt attacked armchair generals by citing this and preceding passages at his press conference (March 17, 1942): "Being of an historical turn of mind, [I figured] that probably some poor devil had gone through this process of annoyance in past years, some previous time in history, so I went quite far back and I found [Lucius Aemilius] … it sounds as if it were written in 1942". ''The Public Papers and Addresses of Franklin D. Roosevelt, 1942'' (1950), p. 166. * The great war of to-day is a war for bread and butter ** [[Belva Ann Lockwood]] "Growth of Peace Principles" (1895) * Ez fer war, I call it murder,—<br> Ther you hev it plain and flat;<br>I don't want to go no furder<br> Than my Testyment fer that. ** [[James Russell Lowell]], ''The Biglow Papers'' (1848), No. 1. * We kind o' thought Christ went agin war an' pillage. ** [[James Russell Lowell]], ''The Biglow Papers'' (1848), No. 3. * Not but wut abstract war is horrid,<br> I sign to thet with all my heart,—<br>But civilysation doos git forrid<br> Sometimes, upon a powder-cart. ** [[James Russell Lowell]], ''The Biglow Papers'' (1848), No. 7. * War is a survival among us from savage times and affects now chiefly the boyish and unthinking element of the nation. ** [[Percival Lowell]], ''Mars and its Canals'' (1906), Chapter XXXII, Conclusion. * God has chosen little nations as the vessels by which He carries His choicest wines to the lips of humanity to rejoice their hearts, to exalt their vision, to strengthen their faith, and if we had stood by when two little nations ([[Belgium]] and [[Serbia|Servia]]) were being crushed and broken by the brutal hands of barbarians, our shame would have rung down the everlasting ages. ** [[Lloyd George]], speech at Queen's Hall (Sept., 1914). Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * The stern hand of Fate has scourged us to an elevation where we can see the everlasting things that matter for a nation—the great peaks we had forgotten, of Honour, Duty, Patriotism, and clad in glittering white, the pinnacles of [[Sacrifice]], pointing like a rugged finger to Heaven. We shall descend into the valley again; but as long as the men and women of this generation last, they will carry in their hearts the image of these mighty peaks, whose foundations are not shaken, though Europe rock and sway in the convulsions of a great war. ** [[Lloyd George]], speech at Queen's Hall (Sept., 1914). Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * Too late in moving here, too late in arriving there, too late in coming to this decision, too late in starting with enterprises, too late in preparing. In this war the footsteps of the allied forces have been dogged by the mocking specter of Too Late! and unless we quicken our movements, [[damnation]] will fall on the sacred cause for which so much gallant blood has flowed. ** [[Lloyd George]], speech, in the House of Commons (Dec. 20, 1915). Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * The last £100,000,000 will win. ** [[Lloyd George]], when Chancellor of the Exchequer, at the beginning of the war. 1914. See ''Everybody's Magazine'' (Jan., 1918), p. 8. * Is it, O man, with such discordant noises,<br> With such accursed instruments as these,<br>Thou drownest Nature's sweet and kindly voices,<br> And jarrest the celestial harmonies? ** [[Henry Wadsworth Longfellow]], ''Arsenal at Springfield'', Stanza 8. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * ''Ultima ratio regum.'' ** Last argument of kings. [Cannon.] ** [[Louis XIV]] ordered this engraved on cannon. Removed by the National Assembly, Aug. 19, 1790. Found on cannon in Mantua. (1613). On Prussian guns of today. Motto for pieces of ordnance in use as early as 1613. Buchmann—Geflügelte Wörte. Ultima razon de reges. (War). The ultimate reason of kings. Calderon. Don't forget your great guns, which are the most respectable arguments of the rights of kings. Frederick the Great to his brother Henry. April 21, 1759. * The Campbells are comin'. ** [[Robert T. S. Lowell]], ''The Relief of Lucknow''. Poem on same story written by Henry Morford, Alexander Maclagan. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * ''Pourquoi cette trombe enflammée<br>Qui vient foudroyer l'univers?<br>Cet embrasement de l'enfer?<br>Ce tourbillonnement d'armées<br>Par mille milliers de milliers?<br>—C'est pour un chiffon de papier.'' ** For what this whirlwind all aflame?<br> This thunderstroke of hellish ire,<br> Setting the universe afire?<br> While millions upon millions came<br> Into a very storm of war?<br> For a scrap of paper. ** [[w:Hyacinthe Loyson|Père Hyacinthe Loyson]], ''Pour un Chiffon de Papier''; translation by Edward Brabrook. In Notes and Queries, Jan. 6, 1917, p. 5. * ''Alta sedent civilis vulnera dextræ.'' ** The wounds of civil war are deeply felt. ** [[Marcus Annaeus Lucanus]], ''Pharsalia'', I. 32. * ''Datos, ne quisquam seruiat, enses.'' ** '''The sword was given for this, that none need live a slave.''' *** [[Marcus Annaeus Lucanus]], ''Pharsalia'', Book IV, line 579. * ''Omnibus hostes<br>Reddite nos populis—civile avertite bellum.'' ** Make us enemies of every people on earth, but prevent a civil war. ** [[Marcus Annaeus Lucanus]], ''Pharsalia'', II. 52. * ''Non tam portas intrare patentes<br>Quam fregisse juvat; nec tam patiente colono<br>Arva premi, quam si ferro populetur et igni;<br>Concessa pudet ire via.'' ** The conqueror is not so much pleased by entering into open gates, as by forcing his way. He desires not the fields to be cultivated by the patient husbandman; he would have them laid waste by fire and sword. It would be his shame to go by a way already opened. ** [[Marcus Annaeus Lucanus]], ''Pharsalia'', II. 443. * 'Aig [F.-M. Sir Douglas Haig] 'e don't say much; 'e don't, so to say, say nothin'; but what 'e don't say don't mean nothin', not 'arf. But when 'e do say something—my Gawd! ** [[E. V. Lucas]], ''Boswell of Baghdad''. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * Enormous masses of ammunition, such as the human mind had never imagined before the war, were hurled upon the bodies of men who passed a miserable existence scattered about in mud-filled shell-holes. ** Quoted in "My War Memories, 1914-1918" - by [[Erich Ludendorff]] - 1919 * Here I stand. I can do no other. God help me. Amen. ** [[Martin Luther]]. End of his speech at the Diet of Worms. April 18, 1521. Inscribed on his monument at Worms. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * I beg that the small steamers … be spared if possible, or else sunk without a trace being left. (Spurlos versenkt). ** Count Karl Von Luxburg, Chargé d'Affaires at Buenos Ayres. Telegram to the Berlin Foreign Office, May 19, 1917. Also same July 9, 1917, referring to Argentine ships. Cablegrams disclosed by Secretary Lansing as sent from the German Legation in Buenos Ayres by way of the Swedish Legation to Berlin. "If neutrals were destroyed so that they disappeared without leaving any trace, terror would soon keep seamen and travelers away from the danger zones." Prof. Oswald Flamm in the Berlin Woche. Cited in N. Y. Times, May 15, 1917. == M == [[File:The Final Stand at Bladensburg, Maryland, 24 August 1814.png|thumb|[P]eace is better than war, war is better than tribute.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[James Madison]]}}]] [[File:Cogordan - Joseph de Maistre, 1894 (page 12 crop).jpg|thumb|War is divine in itself, since it is a law of the world. War is divine through its consequences of a supernatural nature which are as much general as particular, consequences little known because little studied, but which are nevertheless incontestable. War is divine in the mysterious [[glory]] that surrounds it and in the no less inexplicable attraction that draws us to it. War is divine by the manner in which it breaks out. ~ [[Joseph de Maistre]]]] [[File:US-NEW-CLASS-A-UNIFORM.png|thumb|Step by step, heart to heart. Left, right, left. We all fall down, like toy soldiers. Bit by bit torn apart, we never win, but the battle wages on for toy soldiers. ~ [[w:Martika|Martika]]]] [[File:Gustave de Molinari.jpg|thumb|War has been the [[necessary]] and [[inevitable]] [[consequence]] of the establishment of a [[monopoly]] on [[security]].<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Gustave de Molinari]]}}]] * I know war as few other men now living know it, and nothing to me is more revolting. I have long advocated its complete abolition, as its very destructiveness on both friend and foe has rendered it useless as a means of settling international disputes. ** [[Douglas MacArthur]], speech to a joint session of Congress after having been relieved of command in Korea by [[w:Harry S Truman|Truman]], 19 April 1951 * In war there is no substitute for victory. ** [[Douglas MacArthur]], speech to Congress, 19 April 1951 * That's the way it is in war. You win or lose, live or die—and the difference is just an eyelash. ** [[Douglas MacArthur]], ''Reminiscences'' (1964), p. 145 * Oh! wherefore come ye forth in triumph from the North,<br> With your hands and your feet, and your raiment all red?<br>And wherefore doth your rout send forth a joyous shout?<br> And whence be the grapes of the wine-press which ye tread? ** [[Thomas Babington Macaulay, 1st Baron Macaulay]], ''The Battle of Naseby''. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60 * The essence of war is violence. Moderation in war is imbecility. ** Attributed to Lord Fisher during the great War. Taken from Macaulay's Essay on Lord Nugent's Memorials of Hampden. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60 * [T]hat one should never permit a disorder to persist in order to avoid war, for war is not avoided thereby but merely deferred to one's own disadvantage... ** [[Niccolò Machiavelli]], ''The Prince'', Daniel Donno translation, Bantam, 1981, pp. 20, 82; Italian text, Il Principe, Nuova edizione a cura di Giorgio Inglese, Giulio Einaudi editore s.p.a., Torino, 2013 e 2014, pp.24, 171 * Di qui nacque che tutti li profeti armati vinsero, e li disarmati rovinarono. ** Hence it happened that all the armed prophets conquered, all the unarmed perished. ** [[Niccolò Machiavelli]], ''Il Principe'', C. 6 * War in men's eyes shall be<br>A monster of iniquity<br> In the good time coming.<br>Nations shall not quarrel then,<br> To prove which is the stronger;<br>Nor slaughter men for glory's sake;—<br> Wait a little longer. ** [[Charles Mackay]], ''The Good Time Coming''. * The warpipes are pealing, "The Campbells are coming."<br> They are charging and cheering. O dinna ye hear it? ** [[W:Alexander Maclagan|Alexander Maclagan]], ''Jennie's Dream''. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * ''J'y suis, et j'y reste.'' ** Here I am and here I stay. ** MacMahon, before Malakoff. Gabriel Hanotaux, in ''Contemporary France'', says that MacMahon denied this. Marquis de Castellane claimed the phrase in the Revue Hebdomodaire, May, 1908. Contradicted by L'Éclair, which quoted a letter by Gen. Biddulph to Germain Bapst, in which Gen. Biddulph tells that MacMahon said to him "Que j'y suis, et que j'y reste". * War contains so much folly, as well as wickedness, that much is to be hoped from the progress of reason; and if any thing is to be hoped, every thing ought to be tried. ** [[James Madison]], "Universal Peace", National Gazette (February 2, 1792), in Gaillard Hunt, ed., ''The Writings of James Madison'' vol. 6 (1906), p. 88–89. These words are inscribed in the Madison Memorial Hall, Library of Congress James Madison Memorial Building. * '''Of all the enemies to public liberty war is, perhaps, the most to be dreaded, because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.''' War is the parent of armies; from these proceed debts and taxes; and armies, and debts, and taxes are the known instruments for bringing the many under the domination of the few. In war, too, the discretionary power of the Executive is extended; its influence in dealing out offices, honors, and emoluments is multiplied; and all the means of seducing the minds, are added to those of subduing the force, of the people. The same malignant aspect in republicanism may be traced in the inequality of fortunes, and the opportunities of fraud, growing out of a state of war, and in the degeneracy of manners and of morals engendered by both. '''No nation could preserve its freedom in the midst of continual warfare.''' ** [[James Madison]], "Political Observations" (20 April 1795); also in ''[http://archive.org/stream/lettersandotherw04madiiala#page/490/mode/2up Letters and Other Writings of James Madison]'' (1865), Vol. IV, p. 491 * No nation could preserve its freedom in the midst of continual warfare. ** [[James Madison]], reported in Josiah Hotchkiss Gilbert, ''Dictionary of Burning Words of Brilliant Writers'' (1895), p. 614. * Unhappily, [[history]] proves that war is, in a certain sense, the habitual state of mankind, which is to say that human blood must flow without interruption somewhere or other on the globe, and that for every nation, [[peace]] is only a respite. ** [[Joseph de Maistre]], ''[[Considerations on France]]'' (1796), Ch. III * Now the real ''fruits'' of human nature – the arts, sciences, great enterprises, lofty conceptions, manly [[virtue]]s – are due especially to the state of war. […] In a word, we can say that [[blood]] is the manure of the plant we call ''[[genius]].'' ** [[Joseph de Maistre]], ''[[Considerations on France]]'' (1796), Ch. III * '''War is divine in itself, since it is a law of the world. War is divine through its consequences of a supernatural nature which are as much general as particular, consequences little known because little studied, but which are nevertheless incontestable. War is divine in the mysterious [[glory]] that surrounds it and in the no less inexplicable attraction that draws us to it. War is divine by the manner in which it breaks out.''' ** [[Joseph de Maistre]], ''St. Petersburg Dialogues'' (1821), p. 218 * Opinion is so powerful in war that it can alter the nature of the same event and give it two different names, for no reason other than its own whim. A general throws his men between two enemy armies and he writes to his king, ''I have split him, he has lost.'' His opponent writes to his king, ''He has put himself between two fires, he is lost.'' Which of the two is mistaken? Whoever is seized by the ''cold goddess.'' Assuming that all things, especially size, are at least approximately equal, the only difference between the two positions is a purely moral one. '''It is [[imagination]] that loses battles.''' ** [[Joseph de Maistre]], ''St. Petersburg Dialogues'' (1821), p. 221 * He says, “No ruler in the history of the world has ever been able to afford a war. They’re not affordable things. No prince ever says, ‘This is my budget, so this is the kind of war I can have.’ You enter into one and it uses up all the money you’ve got, and then it breaks you and bankrupts you.” ** [[Hilary Mantel]], ''[[w:Wolf Hall|Wolf Hall]]'' (2009), Part 3, Section 1, <small> {{ISBN|978-0-312-42998-0}}, </small> p. 168 * The enemy advances, we retreat; the enemy camps, we harass; the enemy tires, we attack; the enemy retreats, we pursue. ** [[Mao Zedong]], letter (January 5, 1930); in ''Selected Military Writings of Mao Tse-Tung'' (1966), p. 72. Mao was quoting from a letter from the Front Committee to the Central Committee, on guerrilla tactics. * ''Marlbrough s'en va-t-en guerre,<br>Mironton, mironton, mirontaine,<br>Marlbrough s'en va-t-en guerre,<br>Ne sait quand reviendra.'' ** Marlbrough (or Marlebrouck) S'en va-t-en Guerre. Old French Song. Attributed to Mme. de Sévigné. Found in Rondes avec Jeux et Petites Chansons traditionnelles, Pub. by Augener. Said to refer to Charles, Third Duke of Marlborough's unsuccessful expedition against Cherbourg or Malplaquet, probably the latter. (1709). See King's Classical Quotations. Air probably sung by the Crusaders of Godfrey de Bouillon, known in America "We won't go home until morning." Sung today in the East, tradition giving it that the ancestors of the Arabs learned it at the battle of Mansurah, April 5, 1250. The same appears in a Basque Pastorale; also in Chansons de Geste. Air known to the Egyptians. * The only hope for peace is to teach people who are full of pep and unbound force to enjoy being bound--enjoy submission to kind authority, wise authority, not merely tolerate such submission. Wars will only cease when humans enjoy being bound. ** [[William Moulton Marston]] as quoted in ''The Secret History of Wonder Woman'', (2014) by Jill Lepore, p. 238. * ''Cineri gloria sera venit''. (Also given as ''Cineri gloria sera sunt'' and ''Cineri gloria sera est''.) ** To the ashes of the dead, glory comes too late. ** [[Martial]], Epigrams (80-104 AD) * Step by step. Heart to heart. Left, right, left. We all fall down, like toy soldiers. Bit by bit torn apart, we never win, but the battle wages on for toy soldiers. ** [[w:Martika|Martika]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9mW4qmh8_9g "Toy Soldiers"] (1988), ''Martika'' * War is not the greatest [[evil]], though it is an evil. The open struggle of the battlefield is not the greatest evil; worse is that chronic condition of [[society]] which makes possible the [[violence]] of the stronger to the weaker; worse than war are insincerity and [[falsehood]]; worse is that [[egotism]] hidden under the mask of [[humanity]] and nobility in mind; worse is [[cowardice]] passing itself off as [[fortitude]]; worse is [[sophistry]] deceiving the sensible and wise. [[Death]] is not worse than a dishonourable life which destroys its own [[soul]] as well as that of its neighbour. **{{cite journal | last = Masaryk | first = Tomáš Garrigue | authorlink=Tomáš Garrigue Masaryk | date = 2017-03-29 | title = A Philosophy of Pacifism | journal = The New Europe | volume = 2 | issue = 24 | pages =342–350 | issn = | doi = | id = | url = https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/The_New_Europe/Volume_2/A_Philosophy_of_Pacifism }} * And silence broods like spirit on the brae,<br> A glimmering moon begins, the moonlight runs<br>Over the grasses of the ancient way<br> Rutted this morning by the passing guns. ** [[John Masefield]], August 14—In Philip the King. * For a flying foe<br>Discreet and provident conquerors build up<br>A bridge of gold. ** [[Philip Massinger]], ''The Guardian'', Act I, scene 1. * Some undone widow sits upon mine arm,<br>And takes away the use of it; and my sword,<br>Glued to my scabbard with wronged orphan's tears,<br>Will not be drawn. ** [[Philip Massinger]], ''A New Way to Pay Old Debts'', Act V, scene 1. * Wars and rumours of wars. ** Matthew, XXIV. 6. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * Only a fool or a fraud talks tough or romantically about war. ** [[John McCain]], quoted in ''Newsweek'' (23 June 2008), p. 21. * All quiet along the Potomac. ** Proverbial in 1861–62. Supposed to have originated with Gen. McClellan. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * How do wars begin? Through affront, through bravado, through stupidity or overconfidence, through sacred purpose or greed. ** [[Ian McDonald]], ''Verthandi’s Ring'' (2007) in [[w:Gardner Dozois|Gardner Dozois]] & [[w:Jonathan Strahan|Jonathan Strahan]] (eds.) ''[[w:The New Space Opera|The New Space Opera]]'' (mass market paperback edition, {{ISBN|978-0-06-135041-2}}), p. 43 * There's some say that we wan, some say that they wan,<br> Some say that nane wan at a', man,<br>But one thing I'm sure that at Sheriff-Muir,<br> A battle there was which I saw, man.<br>And we ran and they ran, and they ran and we ran,<br> And we ran, and they ran awa', man. ** [[Murdoch McLennan]], ''Sheriff-Muir''. (An indecisive battle, Nov. 13, 1715). * [W]ar is so complex, it’s beyond the ability of the [[human]] [[mind]] to comprehend allthe variables. Our [[judgement]], our [[understanding]], are not adequate. ** [[Robert McNamara|Robert McNamara]] in ''The Fog of War - Eleven Lessons from the Life of Robert S. McNamara'', by Errol Morris (director), Columbia Tristar, 2004; as quoted in Antoine Bosquet, [https://www.academia.edu/390023/Cyberneticizing_the_American_War_Machine_Science_and_Computers_in_the_Cold_War “Cyberneticizing the American War Machine: Science and Computers in the Cold War”], p. 95. * There is war in the skies! ** [[Owen Meredith]] (Lord Lytton), ''Lucile'' (1860), Part I, Canto IV, Stanza 12. * [[City]] [[fighting]] also places enormous [[challenges]] on ground forces. Fighting in urban terrain generally favors the defenders, who can place [[w:Sniper|snipers]] in [[w:windows|windows]] and hide down narrow [[w:Alleys|alleys]]. <br> Even with precision munitions, it is difficult to use air and artillery power in a dense urban battle. Much of the fighting falls on the shoulders of the individual [[soldiers]], who have to clear the city block by block. ** Jim Michaels, [https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2017/03/29/united-states-mosul-isis-deadly-combat-world-war-ii/99787764/ “Iraqi forces in Mosul see deadliest urban combat since World War II”], ''USA Today'', ( March 29, 2017). * War challenges virtually every other institution of society—the justice and equity of its economy, the adequacy of its political systems, the energy of its productive plant, the bases, wisdom and purposes of its foreign policy. ** [[Walter Millis]], ''The Faith of an American'' (1941), p. 27. * What though the field be lost?<br>All is not lost; the unconquerable will,<br>And study of revenge, immortal hate<br>And courage never to submit or yield,<br>And what is else not to be overcome. ** [[John Milton]], ''[[Paradise Lost]]'' (1667; 1674), Book I, line 105. * Heard so oft<br>In worst extremes, and on the perilous edge<br>Of battle. ** [[John Milton]], ''[[Paradise Lost]]'' (1667; 1674), Book I, line 275. * Th' imperial ensign, which, full high advanc'd,<br>Shone like a meteor, streaming to the wind.<br>With gems and golden lustre rich emblazed,<br>Seraphic arms and trophies. ** [[John Milton]], ''[[Paradise Lost]]'' (1667; 1674), Book I, line 536. * My sentence is for open war. ** [[John Milton]], ''[[Paradise Lost]]'' (1667; 1674), Book II, line 51. * Others more mild,<br>Retreated in a silent valley, sing<br>With notes angelical to many a harp<br>Their own heroic deeds and hapless fall<br>By doom of battle. ** [[John Milton]], ''[[Paradise Lost]]'' (1667; 1674), Book II, line 546. * Black it stood as night,<br>Fierce as ten furies, terrible as hell,<br>And shook a dreadful dart. ** [[John Milton]], ''[[Paradise Lost]]'' (1667; 1674), Book II, line 670. * So frown'd the mighty combatants, that hell<br>Grew darker at their frown. ** [[John Milton]], ''[[Paradise Lost]]'' (1667; 1674), Book II, line 719. * Arms on armour clashing bray'd<br>Horrible discord, and the madding wheels<br>Of brazen chariots ray'd; dire was the noise<br>Of conflict. ** [[John Milton]], ''[[Paradise Lost]]'' (1667; 1674), Book VI, line 209. * To overcome in battle, and subdue<br>Nations, and bring home spoils with infinite<br>Man-slaughter, shall be held the highest pitch<br>Of human glory. ** [[John Milton]], ''[[Paradise Lost]]'' (1667; 1674), Book XI, line 691. * The brazen throat of war. ** [[John Milton]], ''[[Paradise Lost]]'' (1667; 1674), Book XI, line 713. * No war or battle sound<br>Was heard the world around. ** [[John Milton]], ''Hymn of Christ's Nativity'', line 31. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * War prosperity is like the prosperity that an earthquake or a plague brings. ** [[Ludwig von Mises]], Nation, State and Economy (1919), p. 154. * In addition to [[w:Economic mobilization|economic]] and military {{w|mobilization}}, wartime measures typically encourage a high degree of political, social and intellectual [[conformity]]. The general idea is that, in the face of an existential challenge from a vicious [[enemy]], {{w|criticism of the government}} ought to cease. The [[media]] tends to become more [[patriotic]], as do former {{w|political partisans}}. ** [[Pankaj Mishra]], ''[https://theprint.in/opinion/world-is-fighting-a-war-against-covid-19-except-its-not-actually-one/417615/ From Modi to Johnson, leaders are using the pandemic to suppress their critics]'' (9 May, 2020), ''{{w|ThePrint}}'' *<p>Partout, à l’origine des sociétés, on voit donc les races les plus fortes, les plus guerrières, s’attribuer le gouvernement exclusif des sociétés&#8239;; partout on voit ces races s’attribuer, dans certaines circonscriptions plus ou moins étendues, selon leur nombre et leur force, le monopole de la sécurité.</p><p>Et, ce monopole étant excessivement profitable par sa nature même, partout on voit aussi les races investies du monopole de la sécurité se livrer à des luttes acharnées, afin d’augmenter l’<s></s>''étendue de leur marché,'' le nombre de leurs consommateurs ''forcés,'' partant la quotité de leurs bénéfices.</p><p>'''La guerre était la conséquence nécessaire, inévitable de l’établissement du monopole de la sécurité.'''</p><p>Comme une autre conséquence inévitable, ce monopole devait engendrer tous les autres monopoles.</p> ** [[Gustave de Molinari]], [[s:fr:De la production de la sécurité#VIII|§VIII]] de «&#8239;[[s:fr:De la production de la sécurité|De la production de la sécurité]]&#8239;», ''[[w:Journal des économistes|Journal des économistes]]'' 22, no. 95 (Paris: Chez Guillaumin et c<small>^e</small>, 15 Février 1849), [[:fr:s:Page:Journal des économistes, 1849, T22.djvu/290|p. 282]].&nbsp; Cf. [[:fr:s:Page:Journal des économistes, 1849, T22.djvu/297|pp. 289]]–[[:fr:s:Page:Journal des économistes, 1849, T22.djvu/298|280]]. ** Everywhere, when [[societies]] originate, we see the [[strongest]], most [[war]]like races seizing the exclusive [[government]] of the society.&nbsp; Everywhere we see these races seizing a [[monopoly]] on [[security]] within certain more or less extensive boundaries, depending on their number and strength.</p><p>And, this monopoly being, by its very [[nature]], extraordinarily [[profitable]], everywhere we see the races invested with the monopoly on security devoting themselves to bitter struggles, in order to <!--Page 35-->add to ''the extent of their [[market]]'', the number of their ''[[forced]]'' [[consumers]], and hence the amount of their gains.</p><p>'''[[War]] has been the [[necessary]] and [[inevitable]] [[consequence]] of the establishment of a [[monopoly]] on [[security]].'''</p><p>Another inevitable consequence has been that this monopoly has engendered all other monopolies.</p> *** [[Gustave de Molinari]], tr. J.&nbsp;Huston McCulloch, [[s:The Production of Security/5|§V]] of ''[[The Production of Security]]'' (Auburn, AL: Ludwig von Mises Institute, 2009; orig. 1849), [[s:Page:The Production of Security.pdf/35|pp. 34]]–[[s:Page:The Production of Security.pdf/36|35]].&nbsp; Cf. [[s:Page:The Production of Security.pdf/60|p. 59]]. * In the wars of the European powers in matters relating to themselves we have never taken any part, nor does it comport with our policy so to do. It is only when our rights are invaded or seriously menaced that we resent injuries or make preparation for our defence. ** [[James Monroe]], Annual Message. Dec. 2, 1823. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * War hath no fury like a non-combatant. ** [[w:Charles Edward Montague|C. E, Montague]], ''Disenchantment'' (1922). Quoted in Charlton, James,''The Military Quotation Book: More Than 1,100 of the Best Quotations About War, Leadership, Courage, Victory, and Defeat.'' St. Martin’s Press, New York, 2013. (p. 168); also quoted in Heinl, Jr., Robert Debs, ''Dictionary of Military and Naval Quotations'', Naval Institute Press, Annapolis, MD, 2014 (pg. 100). * Most of the people who get sent to die in wars are young men who've got a lot of energy and would probably rather, in a better world, be putting that energy into copulation rather than going over there and blowing some other young man's guts out. ** [[Alan Moore]], "The Craft" - interview with Daniel Whiston, ''Engine Comics'' (January 2005) * Thrilled ye ever with the story<br>How on stricken fields of glory<br>Men have stood beneath the murderous iron hail! ** [[W:Henry Morford|Henry Morford]], ''Coming of the Bagpipes to Lucknow''. Poem on same story written by R. T. S. Lowell and Alexander Maclagan. * How stupid are all who deny [[hope]]! How [[Blindness|blind]] are those who affirm the advantage of wars! ** [[Morya]], ' Hierarchy, 390, (1931) * Cooperation must be accepted as the foundation of Existence. Only through the broadest cooperation is it possible to find the true relationship between the state and national labor. Otherwise the ruinous indebtedness of the state will increase. The solution of such a problem by means of war will be a sign of barbarism. One must think not about the destruction of nations, but about the improvement of the planet! ** [[Morya]], ''Aum'', 424, (1936) * We had nae heed for the parish bell,<br> But still—when the bugle cried,<br>We went for you to Neuve Chapelle,<br>We went for you to the yetts o' Hell,<br> And there for you we died! ** [[Neil Munro]], Roving Lads. (1915). == N == [[File:Agni-II missile (Republic Day Parade 2004).jpeg|thumb|right|War is the negation of truth and humanity. War may be unavoidable sometimes, but its progeny are terrible to contemplate. Not mere killing, for man must die, but the deliberate and persistent propagation of hatred and falsehood, which gradually become the normal habits of the people. [[Jawaharlal Nehru]] ]] [[File:Indian Army T-90.jpg|thumb|right|Wars are fought to gain a certain objective. War itself is not the objective; victory is not the objective; you fight to remove the obstruction that comes in the way of your objective. If you let victory become the end in itself then you've gone astray and forgotten what you were originally fighting about. ~ [[Jawaharlal Nehru]] ]] * They hold it atrocious to kill a fellow creature; therefore war is in their eyes incomprehensible and repulsive, a thing for which their language has no word. ** [[w:Fridtjof Nansen|Fridtjof Nansen]], ''Eskimo Life'' (1891), tr. William Archer (1893), [https://books.google.com/books?id=cTJCAAAAIAAJ&pg=PA162 p. 162] in the second edition (1894) * 'Tis a principle of war that when you can use the lightning, 'tis better than cannon. ** [[Napoleon I]]. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * Providence is always on the side of the last reserve. ** Attributed to Napoleon I. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * Baptism of fire. ** Napoleon III in a letter to the Empress Eugenie after Saarbruecken. Referring to the experience of the Prince Imperial. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * We have to go along a road covered with blood. We have no other alternative. For us it is a matter of life or death, a matter of living or existing. We have to be ready to face the challenges that await us. ** [[Gamal Abdel Nasser]], speech to Egypt's National Assembly, Cairo, November 6, 1969, as reported by The Washington Post, November 7, 1969, p. 1. * '''The world of today has achieved much, but for all its declared love for humanity, it has based itself far more on hatred and violence than on the virtues that make one human. War is the negation of [[truth]] and humanity. War may be unavoidable sometimes, but its progeny are terrible to contemplate. Not mere killing, for man must die, but the deliberate and persistent propagation of hatred and falsehood, which gradually become the normal habits of the people. It is dangerous and harmful to be guided in our life's course by hatreds and aversions, for they are wasteful of energy and limit and twist the mind and prevent it from perceiving truth.''' ** [[Jawaharlal Nehru]], in ''[[w:The Discovery of India|The Discovery of India]]'' (1946). * '''Wars are fought to gain a certain objective. War itself is not the objective; victory is not the objective; you fight to remove the obstruction that comes in the way of your objective. If you let victory become the end in itself then you've gone astray and forgotten what you were originally fighting about.''' ** [[Jawaharlal Nehru]], in an interview with [[w:James Cameron (journalist)|James Cameron]], ''[[w:Picture Post|Picture Post]]'' (28 October 1950). * '''If in the modern world wars have unfortunately to be fought (and they do, it seems) then they must be stopped at the first possible moment, otherwise they corrupt us, they create new problems and make our future even more uncertain. That is more than morality; it's sense.''' ** [[Jawaharlal Nehru]], in an interview with [[w:James Cameron (journalist)|James Cameron]], ''Picture Post'' (28 October 1950). * England expects every officer and man to do his duty this day. ** Nelson—Signal, Oct. 21, 1805, to the fleet before the battle of Trafalgar. As reported in the London Times, Dec. 26, 1805. England expects that every man will do his duty. As reported by William Pryce Cunby, First Lieut. of the Bellerophon. The claim is that Nelson gave the order "Nelson confides," which was changed to "England expects." See Notes and Queries, Series VI, IX, 261.283; also Nov. 4, 1905, p. 370. * You say it is the good cause that hallows even war? I tell you: it is the good war that hallows every cause. ** [[Friedrich Nietzsche]], ''Thus Spoke Zarathustra''. * What the horrors of war are, no one can imagine — they are not wounds and blood and fever, spotted and low, or dysentery, chronic and acute, cold and heat and famine — they are intoxication, ''drunken'' brutality, demoralization and disorder on the part of the inferior, jealousies, meanness, indifference, ''selfish'' brutality on the part of the superior. ** [[Florence Nightingale]] in a letter (5 May 1855), published in ''Florence Nightingale : An Introduction to Her Life and Family'' (2001), edited by Lynn McDonald, p. 141. * A riot is a spontaneous outburst. A war is subject to advance planning. ** [[Richard Nixon]], address before the National Association of Manufacturers, New York City (December 8, 1967); James J. Kilpatrick quoted a transcript in his syndicated column in ''The Evening Star'', Washington, D.C. (December 26, 1967,) p. A13. Nixon's topic was the "war in our cities". * I seriously doubt if we will ever have another war. This is probably the very last one. ** [[Richard Nixon]], on-the-record interview with C. L. Sulzberger (March 8, 1971), in ''The New York Times'' (March 10, 1971), p. 14. * A soldier of the Legion lay dying in Algiers;<br>There was lack of woman's nursing, there was dearth of woman's tears. ** [[C. E. S. Norton]] (Lady Stirling-Maxwell), ''Bingen on the Rhine''. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. == O == [[File:VietnamMural.jpg|thumb|The only certainty in war is human suffering, uncertain costs, unintended consequences. ~ [[Barack Obama]]]] [[File:SaddamStatue.jpg|thumb|We may have occasion in our lifetime to once again rise up in defense of our freedom, and pay the wages of war.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Barack Obama]]}}]] [[File:US Navy 041114-M-8205V-005 Iraqi Special Forces Soldiers assigned to the 1st Marines, patrol south clearing every house on their way through Fallujah, Iraq, during Operation Al Fajr (New Dawn).jpg|thumb|That’s what I’m opposed to. A dumb war. A rash war. A war based not on reason but on passion, not on principle but on politics. ~ [[Barack Obama]]]] * We may have occasion in our lifetime to once again rise up in defense of our freedom, and pay the wages of war. ** [[Barack Obama]], [http://www-personal.umich.edu/~mheaney/Partisan_Dynamics_of_Contention.pdf Remarks Against Going to War with Iraq] (2 October 2002). * I am not opposed to all wars. I'm opposed to dumb wars. ** [[Barack Obama]], ''The New Yorker'' (2004) *That’s what I’m opposed to. '''A dumb war. A rash war. A war based not on reason but on passion, not on principle but on politics'''. **[[Barack Obama]], [http://action.barackobama.com/page/share/2002iraqfull Remarks of Illinois State Sen. Barack Obama Against Going to War with Iraq] (2002) * '''It's easier to start wars than to end them. It is easier to blame others than to look inward.''' It is easier to see what is different about someone than to find the things we share. But we should choose the right path, not just the easy path. ** [[Barack Obama]], A New Beginning (2009) * '''The only certainty in war is human suffering, uncertain costs, unintended consequences'''. ** [[Barack Obama]], [https://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2015/08/05/remarks-president-iran-nuclear-deal Remarks by the President on the Iran Nuclear Deal at American University in Washington, D.C.] (2015) * War itself is never [[glorious]], and we must never [[trumpet]] it as such. ** [[Barack Obama]], in [http://books.google.co.in/books?id=-5FnvJEclewC&pg=PA3 Attitudes Aren't Free: Thinking Deeply About Diversity in the U.S. Armed Forces], p. 3. * '''War, no matter what our intentions may be, brings suffering and tragedy.''' ** [[Barack Obama]], [http://edition.cnn.com/2016/05/24/politics/obama-vietnam-south-china-sea/ Obama raises human rights in Vietnam, calls for 'peaceful resolution' of South China Sea disputes], ''CNN'' (24 May 2016) * Artifacts tell us that violent conflict appeared with the very first man. Our early ancestors, having learned to make blades from flint and spears from wood, used these tools not just for hunting, but against their own kind. On every continent, the history of civilization is filled with war, whether driven by scarcity of grain or hunger for gold; compelled by nationalist fervor or religious zeal. Empires have risen and fallen. Peoples have been subjugated and liberated. And at each juncture, innocents have suffered, a countless toll, their names forgotten by time. ** [[Barack Obama]], [https://obamawhitehouse.archives.gov/the-press-office/2016/05/27/remarks-president-obama-and-prime-minister-abe-japan-hiroshima-peace “Remarks by President Obama and Prime Minister Abe of Japan at Hiroshima Peace Memorial”]; Hiroshima Peace Memorial Hiroshima, Japan, (May 27, 2016) * War is a [[class conflict]], too. The rich and powerful who open war escape the consequences of their decisions. It’s not their children sent into the jaws of violence. It is often the vulnerable, the poor, & working people -who had little to no say in conflict - who pay the price. ** [[Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez]], [https://twitter.com/aoc/status/1213210234732371968 ''Twitter post''] (3 January 2020) * March to the battle-field,<br> The foe is now before us;<br>Each heart is Freedom's shield,<br> And heaven is shining o'er us. ** [[B. E. O'Meara]], ''March to the Battle-Field''. [[File:Defense.gov News Photo 100816-M-9426J-001 - U.S. Marine Corps Cpl. Daniel B. Wyss a squad leader with Golf Company 2nd Battalion 9th Marine Regiment collects information from Afghans.jpg|thumb|The essential act of war is destruction, not necessarily of human lives, but of the products of human labour. War is a way of shattering to pieces, or pouring into the stratosphere, or sinking in the depths of the sea, materials which might otherwise be used to make the masses too comfortable, and hence, in the long run, too intelligent... In the long run, a hierarchical society was only possible on a basis of poverty and ignorance.~ [[Nineteen_Eighty-Four|George Orwell, ''1984'']]]] [[File:Wp ss 20160316 0018.png|thumb|In principle the war effort is always so planned as to eat up any surplus that might exist after meeting the bare needs of the population. In practice the needs of the population are always underestimated, with the result that there is a chronic shortage of half the necessities of life; but this is looked on as an advantage. It is deliberate policy to keep even the favoured groups somewhere near the brink of hardship, because a general state of scarcity increases the importance of small privileges and thus magnifies the distinction between one group and another.... And at the same time the consciousness of being at war, and therefore in danger, makes the handing-over of all power to a small caste seem the natural, unavoidable condition of survival. ~ [[Nineteen_Eighty-Four|George Orwell, ''1984'']] ]] * War, it will be seen, is now a purely internal affair. In the past, the ruling groups of all countries, although they might recognize their common interest and therefore limit the destructiveness of war, did fight against one another, and the victor always plundered the vanquished. In our own day they are not fighting against one another at all. The war is waged by each ruling group against its own subjects, and the object of the war is not to make or prevent conquests of territory, but to keep the structure of society intact. The very word "war", therefore, has become misleading. It would probably be accurate to say that by becoming continuous war has ceased to exist. ** [[Nineteen_Eighty-Four|George Orwell, ''1984'']] * In principle the war effort is always so planned as to eat up any surplus that might exist after meeting the bare needs of the population. In practice the needs of the population are always underestimated, with the result that there is a chronic shortage of half the necessities of life; but this is looked on as an advantage. It is deliberate policy to keep even the favoured groups somewhere near the brink of hardship, because a general state of scarcity increases the importance of small privileges and thus magnifies the distinction between one group and another.... And at the same time the consciousness of being at war, and therefore in danger, makes the handing-over of all power to a small caste seem the natural, unavoidable condition of survival. ** [[Nineteen_Eighty-Four|George Orwell, ''1984'']] * A peace that was truly permanent would be the same as a permanent war. This—although the vast majority of Party members understand it only in a shallower sense—is the inner meaning of the Party slogan: War is Peace. ** [[Nineteen_Eighty-Four|George Orwell, ''1984'']] * Oceania was at war with Eurasia: therefore Oceania had always been at war with Eurasia. The enemy of the moment always represented absolute evil, and it followed that any past or future agreement with him was impossible... If the Party could thrust its hand into the past and say of this or that event, it never happened.... And if all others accepted the lie which the Party imposed -if all records told the same tale — then the lie passed into history and became [[truth]]. Who controls the past,' ran the Party slogan, 'controls the future: who controls the present controls the past. And yet the past, though of its nature alterable, never had been altered. Whatever was true now was true from everlasting to everlasting. It was quite simple. All that was needed was an unending series of victories over your own memory. 'Reality control', they called it: in Newspeak, 'doublethink'... ** [[George Orwell]], ''[[Nineteen Eighty-Four]]'' (1949), Chapter III. * There is a hill in Flanders,<br> Heaped with a thousand slain,<br>Where the shells fly night and noontide<br> And the ghosts that died in vain,<br>A little hill, a hard hill<br> To the souls that died in pain. ** [[Everard Owen]], ''Three Hills'' (1915). == P == [[File:Battle of Guiliford Courthouse 15 March 1781.jpg|thumb|Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom, must, like men, undergo the fatigues of supporting it.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Thomas Paine]]}}]] [[File:Battle of Springfield NJ 1780.jpg|thumb|We fight not to enslave, but to set a country free, and to make room upon the earth for honest men to live in.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Thomas Paine]]}}]] [[File:March to Vincennes.jpg|thumb|These are the times that try men's souls. The Summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country, but he that stands it now deserves the love and thanks of man and woman.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Thomas Paine]]}}]] [[File:BattleofLongisland.jpg|thumb|War even to the knife.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;Palafox}}]] [[File:Fall of Fort Sackville.jpg|thumb|Tyranny, like Hell, is not easily conquered; yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict the more glorious the triumph.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Thomas Paine]]}}]] [[File:US Army 52416 The American Soldier, 1781.jpg|thumb|What we obtain too cheaply we esteem too lightly; it is dearness only that gives everything its value. Heaven knows how to put a proper price upon its goods; and it would be strange indeed if so celestial an article as freedom should not be highly rated.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Thomas Paine]]}}]] [[File:041126-M-5191K-005 - Sgt Aubrey McDade, USMC.jpg|thumb|Once war consisted of individual combats between armed men...<br>{{center|~&nbsp;Kirby Page}}]] [[File:Apostle.Paul.Museum.of.the.Russian.icon.png|thumb|Though [[Christians|we]] live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. ~ [[Paul of Tarsus]]]] [[File:Ribera-platon.jpg|thumb|In order to increase their possessions they kick and butt with horns and hoofs of steel and kill each other, insatiable as they are. ~ [[Plato]]]] * Every war is the result of a difference of opinion. Maybe the biggest questions can only be answered by the greatest of conflicts. ** JC Denton, ''[[Deus Ex]]'', writen by Sheldon Pacotti. (June 17, 2000) * In war, force is used by the belligerents themselves, no effort being made to bring evildoers before a judicial body, each army acting as judge, jury and executioner. ** [[Kirby Page]], "[[Kirby_Page#.22What_is_War.3F.22_.281924.29|What is War?]]" (1924). * Once war consisted of individual combats between armed men. Later it was waged between lines of men in opposing trenches. Now it is organized slaughter of whole populations. ** [[Kirby Page]], "What is War?" (1924). * Tragic experience indicates that the most sacred obligations are utterly disregarded when their observance means losing the war. ** [[Kirby Page]], "What is War?" (1924). * War. War never changes. Since the dawn of human kind, when our ancestors first discovered the killing power of rock and bone, blood has been spilled in the name of everything: from God to justice to simple, psychotic rage. ** Emil Pagliarulo, ''[[Fallout|Fallout 3]]'', interpreted by {{w|Ron Perlman}} as the narrator. (October 2008) * Those who expect to reap the blessings of [[freedom]], must, like men, undergo the fatigues of supporting it. ** [[Thomas Paine]], as quoted in ''[[s:The Crisis No. IV|The Crisis No. IV]]'' (12 September 1777). Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * In the early ages of the world, according to the Scripture chronology there were no kings; the consequence of which was, there were no wars; it is the pride of kings which throws mankind into confusion. ** Thomas Paine, ''Common Sense'' (1776) * These are the times that try men's souls. The Summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country, but he that stands it now deserves the love and thanks of man and woman. Tyranny, like Hell, is not easily conquered; yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheaply we esteem too lightly; it is dearness only that gives everything its value. Heaven knows how to put a proper price upon its goods; and it would be strange indeed if so celestial an article as freedom should not be highly rated. ** [[Thomas Paine]], as quoted in ''[[s:The Crisis No. IV|The Crisis No. IV]]'' (12 September 1777). Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * War even to the knife. ** Palafox, the governor of Saragossa, when summoned to surrender by the French, who besieged that city in 1808. Generally quoted "At the point of the knife". * I have to say that war is man-made. It's made by men. It's their thing, it's their world, and they're terribly injured in it. They suffer terribly in it, but it's made by men. How do they come to live this way? ** [[Grace Paley]] "Of Poetry and Women and the World (1986) * Stand your ground. Don't fire unless fired upon, but if they mean to have a war, let it begin here. ** [[John Parker]]. George Stimpson, ''A Book About American History'' (1950), p. 109. Captain Parker said this to his Minutemen troops at Lexington, Massachusetts, on April 19, 1775, as they prepared to meet the British in battle. Inscription on a marker at Lexington green. * Can any thing be more ridiculous, than that a man has a right to kill me, because he lives on the other side of the water, and because his prince has a quarrel with mine, though I have none with him. ** [[Blaise Pascal]], ''Pensées'', 294 * War is organised murder, and nothing else. ** [[w:Harry Patch|Harry Patch]] (the last surviving soldier to have fought in the trenches of the First World War; reported in [http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/the-last-of-the-noblest-generation-1761467.html The Independent, 26 July 2009]). * Wars may be fought with weapons, but they are won by men. It is the spirit of the men who follow and of the man who leads that gains that victory. ** [[George S. Patton]], ''Cavalry Journal'' (September 1933). * ''Now in war we are confronted with conditions which are strange <br> If we accept them we will never win.'' ** [[George S. Patton]], in stanza 1 of "Absolute War" a poem composed by Patton in July 1944, during [[w:Operation Cobra|Operation Cobra]] as quoted in ''The Patton Papers 1940-1945'' (1996) edited by Martin Blumenson p. 492. * ''For in war just as in loving you must keep on shoving <br> Or you'll never get your reward. For if you are dilatory in the search for lust or glory <br> You are up shitcreek and that's the truth, Oh, Lord.''</p><p>''So let us do real fighting, boring in and gouging, biting. <br> Let's take a chance now that we have the ball. <br> Let's forget those fine firm bases in the dreary shell raked spaces, <br> Let's shoot the works and win! Yes win it all.''</p> ** [[George S. Patton]], in stanzas 4 and 5 of "Absolute War", as quoted in ''The Patton Papers 1940-1945'' (1996) edited by Martin Blumenson, p. 492. * Battle is the most magnificent competition in which a human being can indulge. It brings out all that is best and it removes all that is base. ** [[George S. Patton]], ''Speech to the third army''. * Though [[Christians|we]] live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. ** [[Paul of Tarsus]], [[Second Epistle to the Corinthians]] 10:3 * But I have seen the unknown dead, those little men of the Republic. It was they who woke me up. If a stranger, an enemy, becomes a thing like that when he dies, if one stops short and is afraid to walk over him, it means that even beaten our enemy is someone, that after having shed his blood, one must placate it, give this blood a voice, justify the man who shed it. Looking at certain dead is humiliating. One has the impression that the same fate that threw these bodies to the ground holds us nailed to the spot to see them, to fill our eyes with the sight. It's not fear, not our usual cowardice. One feels humiliated because one understands–touching it with one's eyes–that we might be in their place ourselves: there would be no difference, and if we live we owe it to this dirtied corpse. That is why every war is a civil war; every fallen man resembles one who remains and calls him to account. ** [[Cesare Pavese]], ''The house on the hill''. * War makes men barbarous because, to take part in it, one must harden oneself against all regret, all appreciation of delicacy and sensitive values. One must live ''as if those values did not exist'', and when the war is over one has lost the resilience to return to those values. ** [[Cesare Pavese]], ''This Business of Living'', {{#dateformat:1939-09-09}} * [[Hell]], [[Heaven]] or Hoboken by Christmas. ** Attributed to General John Joseph Pershing. (1918). Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * [[Gilbert du Motier, Marquis de Lafayette|Lafayette]], we are here. ** Gen. [[John J. Pershing|John Joseph Pershing]]. At the tomb of Lafayette. (1918). On the authority of a letter from the General's military secretary to George Morgan, Jan. 4, 1919. * Infantry, Artillery, Aviation—all that we have—are yours to dispose of as you will…. I have come to say to you that the American people would be proud to be engaged in the greatest battle in history. ** Gen. [[John J. Pershing|John Joseph Pershing]] to Gen. Foch, Letter written from Office of the Commander-in-Chief, American Expeditionary Forces, in France. See "Literary Digest History of World War," Volume V, p. 43. March 28, 1918. * ''Ils ne passeront pas.'' ** They shall not pass. *** [[Philippe Pétain|General Pétain]]. At the end of Feb., 1916, General de Castelnau was sent by General Joffre to decide whether Verdun should be abandoned or defended. He consulted with General Pétain, saying: "They (the Germans) must not pass." General Pétain said: "They shall not pass." In France the people credit it to General Joffre. See N. Y. Times, May 6, 1917. * γλυκύ δ᾽ἀπείρῳ πόλεμος.<br/>πεπειραμένων δέ τις ταρβεῖ προσιόντα νιν καρδία περισσῶς. * '''[[War]] is sweet to those who have no [[experience]] of it, <br/>but the experienced man trembles exceedingly at heart on its approach.''' ** [[Pindar]], Fragment 110; page 377. *** This phrase is the origin of the Latin proverb "''Dulce bellum inexpertis''" which is sometimes misattributed to [[Desiderius Erasmus‎]]. *** Variant translations: :::* '''War is sweet to them that know it not.''' :::* War is sweet to those not acquainted with it :::* War is sweet to those who do not know it. :::* War is sweet to those that never have experienced it. :::* War is delightful to those who have had no experience of it. * From the [[w:Rio Grande|Rio Grande]]'s waters to the icy lakes of [[Maine]],<br>Let all exult, for we have met the enemy again.<br>Beneath their stern old mountains we have met them in their pride;<br>And rolled from Buena Vista back the battle's bloody tide,<br>Where the enemy came surging swift like the Mississippi's flood,<br>And the Reaper, Death, with strong arms swung his sickle red with blood.<br>Santa Anna boasted loudly that before two hours were past<br>His Lancers through Saltillo should pursue us fierce and fast.<br>On comes his solid infantry, line marching after line.<br>Lo! their great standards in the sun like sheets of silver shine. ** Gen. Albert Pike—Battle of Buena Vista. * As an investigative journalist, I have often had to rely on the courageous, principled acts of [[w:whistle-blowers|whistle-blowers]]. The [[truth]] about the [[Vietnam War]] was told when [[Daniel Ellsberg]] leaked the [[W:Pentagon Papers|Pentagon Papers.]] The truth about [[Iraq War|Iraq]] and [[Afghanistan]], and [[Saudi Arabia]] and many other flashpoints was told when [[WikiLeaks]] published the revelations of whistle-blowers. ** [[John Pilger]] in [https://www.thedailystar.net/opinion/interviews/news/real-journalists-act-agents-people-not-power-1687921 ''Real journalists act as agents of people, not power, Daily Star (Bangladesh)''] (16 January 2019) * If I were an American, as I am an [[English people|Englishman]], while a foreign troop was landed in my country I never would lay down my arms,—never! never! never! ** [[William Pitt the Elder]] (Nov. 18, 1777). * When the tyrant has disposed of foreign enemies by conquest or treaty, and there is nothing to fear from them, then he is always stirring up some war or other, in order that the people may require a leader. ** [[Plato]], ''The Republic'', Book VIII, 566e. * The inexperienced in wisdom and virtue, ever occupied with feasting and such, are carried downward, and there, as is fitting, they wander their whole life long, neither ever looking upward to the [[truth]] above them nor rising toward it, nor tasting pure and lasting pleasures. Like cattle, always looking downward with their heads bent toward the ground and the banquet tables, they feed, fatten, and fornicate. In order to increase their possessions they kick and butt with horns and hoofs of steel and kill each other, insatiable as they are. ** [[Plato]], ''[[The Republic (Plato)|Republic]]'' 586a-b. * He who first called money the sinews of the state seems to have said this with special reference to war. ** [[Plutarch]], ''Life of Cleomenes''. 27. * Sylla proceeded by persuasion, not by arms. ** [[Plutarch]], ''Lysander and Sylla Compared''. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * [[w:Lucius Aemilius Paulus Macedonicus|Paulus Aemilius]], on taking command of the forces in Macedonia, and finding them talkative and impertinently busy, as though they were all commanders, issued out his orders that they should have only ready hands and keen swords, and leave the rest to him. ** [[Plutarch]], ''Plutarch's Lives'', trans. John Dryden, rev. A. H. Clough (1859), life of Galba, vol. 5, p. 456. * It is the province of kings to bring wars about; it is the province of God to end them. ** [[w:Reginald Pole|Cardinal Pole]], to [[Henry VIII of England|Henry VIII]]. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * She saw her sons with purple death expire,<br>Her sacred domes involved in rolling fire,<br>A dreadful series of intestine wars,<br>Inglorious triumphs and dishonest scars. ** [[Alexander Pope]], ''Windsor Forest'', line 323. * War is bad, heaven knows, but [[slavery]] is far worse. If the doom of slavery is not sealed by the war, I shall curse the day I entered the Army. ** Walter Stone Poor, a Union soldier from [[w:Maine in the American Civil War|Maine]], [https://books.google.com/books?id=1qhEHVki8tEC&pg=PA117 letter to George Fox] (15 May 1861), Sandy Hook * When there's a war around take the day off, that's my motto. **[[Terry Pratchett]], ''Interesting Times''. * The waves<br>Of the mysterious death-river moaned;<br>The tramp, the shout, the fearful thunder-roar<br>Of red-breathed cannon, and the wailing cry<br>Of myriad victims, filled the air. ** [[George D. Prentice]], ''Lookout Mountain'', line 16. * One thing had better be said at the outset. War occurs because the great mass of human beings are prepared, at least in certain circumstances, to regard the resort to arms as an acceptable proceeding. ** Robin Prior & Trevor Wilson, ''The First World War'' (1999), <small> 2001 paperback edition; ISBN 0–304-35984-X (even though Wikiquote is registering this as an invalid ISBN), </small> p. 22 * A man is known by the Company he joins.<br>Bad communication trenches corrupt good manners.<br>Never look a gift gun in the mouth.<br>A drop of oil in time saves time.<br>One swallow doesn't make a rum issue.<br>Where there's a war there's a way. ** Proverbial sayings, popular in the Great War. Origin about 1917. == Q == * If this bill passes … as it will be the right of all, so it will be the duty of some, to prepare definitely for a separation, amicably if they can, violently if they must. ** [[Josiah Quincy]], speech, In Congress. Jan. 14, 1811, against the admission of Louisiana to the Union. Quoted by Henry Clay in Congress (1813), "Peaceably if we can, forcibly if we must." * Cœdes videtur significare sanguinem et ferrum. ** (Slaughter) means blood and iron. ** [[Quintilian]], ''Declamationes''. * And the Jews claim: "The Hand of God is tied up." while their own hands are shackled and they are cursed for what they say. Nay, both His hands are unconstrained. He disburses as He pleases. And that which has been revealed to thee from thy Lord will certainly make many of them increase in stubbornness and denial. And We have cast among them enmity and hatred till the day of Resurrection. '''Whenever they provoke a war, Allah puts it out, and they eager to make mischief on the Earth, but Allah loves not mischievous people.''' ** Quran, Chapter 5 (Al-Ma'idah) : 64 == R == [[File:Howard Chandler Christy - Gee I wish I were a Man, I'd Join the Navy - Google Art Project.jpg|thumb|The sexual effect of a uniform, the erotically provocative effect of rhythmically executed goose-stepping, the exhibitionistic nature of militaristic procedures, have been more practically comprehended by a salesgirl or an average secretary than by our most erudite [[politicians]]. ~ [[Wilhelm Reich]]]] [[File:William_Holman_Hunt_-_The_Scapegoat.jpg|thumb|Under the influence of [[politicians]], [[masses]] of people tend to ascribe the [[responsibility]] for wars to those who wield [[power]] at any given [[time]]. In the [[First World War]] it was the munitions industrialists; in the [[Second World War]] it was the psychopathic [[w:General officer|generals]] who were said to be [[guilty]]. This is [[w:Buck passing|passing the buck]]. The responsibility for wars falls solely upon the shoulders of these same masses of people, for they have all the necessary means to avert war in their own [[hands]]. ~ [[Wilhelm Reich]]]] [[File:Poesia - Numine Afflatur - Raffaello.jpg|thumb|Always our wars have been our confessions of weakness...We are against war and the sources of war. We are for poetry and the sources of poetry. ~ [[Muriel Rukeyser]]]] * ''Ouvrez toujours à vos ennemis toutes les portes et chemin, et plutot leur faites un pont d'argent, afin de les renvoyer.'' ** Always open all gates and roads to your enemies, and rather make for them a bridge of silver, to get rid of them. ** [[François Rabelais]], ''Gargantua'', Book I, Chapter XLIII. Count de Pitillan, according to Gilles Corrozet—Les Divers Propos Memorables (1571) uses the same phrase with "golden" bridge for "silver." The same suggestion was made by Aristides, referring to the proposal to destroy Xerxes' bridge of ships over the Hellespont. ("A bridge for a retreating army.") See [[Plutarch]], ''Life of Demosthenes''. Louis II, Brantome, ''Memoirs'', Volume I, II, p. 83. Also French translation. of Thomasi, ''Life of Cæsar Borgia'', p. 64. * Lastly, forget good sportsmanship on the field of battle. War is not a refereed football game but the dirtiest game yet devised by human minds. And, if for one moment you feel soft towards that [[Nazism|Nazi]] shooting at you, remember he's trying to kill you and, if he had the chance, he'd drive your dad into slavery, cut your mother's throat, rape your wife, sister, sweetheart, or daughter. You'll get no quarter from him. Give him none! ** [[Edson Raff]], ''We Jumped to Fight'' (1944), p. 204 * I want to stand by my country, but I cannot vote for war. I vote no. ** [[w:Jeannette Rankin|Jeannette Rankin]], casting her vote against the United States entering World War I, in the early hours of April 6, 1917, as reported by ''The New York Times'' (April 6, 1917), p. 1. Jeanette Rankin of Montana was the first woman elected to Congress, where she served 1917–1919 and 1941–1943. Not only did she vote against World War I, she was the only member of Congress to oppose declaring war on Japan in December 1941. * '''History teaches that wars begin when governments believe the price of aggression is cheap'''. ** [[Ronald Reagan]], Address to the nation from the White House (16 January 1984). * A single pipe broken by a high-impact [[w:explosive|explosive]] [[weapon]] can deprive 100,000 people of [[water]]. That same weapon may also destroy the neighbourhood’s [[w:sewage system|sewage system]], causing thousands to fall [[ill]] and placing further strain on already overstretched [[w:hospitals|hospitals]]. <br> Local economies collapse and populations flee, leaving fewer [[doctors]] and [[engineers]], and no [[money]] to pay the salaries of those who remain. The acute pain caused by one attack triggers a ripple effect of long-term suffering that leaves no part of life unscathed. ** ''Red Cross'', [http://cityatwar.icrc.org/ “I saw my city die”]. * I never [[kill]] [[faces]]. These are the enemy, but if I don’t define things too closely, then I won’t miss any [[sleep]] tonight. ** [[w:Robert Reed|Robert Reed]], ''Prayer,'' in [[w:Rich Horton|Rich Horton]] (ed.) ''[[w:The Year’s Best Science Fiction & Fantasy 2013|The Year’s Best Science Fiction & Fantasy 2013]],'' p. 172 [http://clarkesworldmagazine.com/reed_05_12/ (Originally published at Clarkesworld #68] May, 2012) * War on the cheap is always a rotten policy. ** [[w:William Rees-Mogg|William Rees-Mogg]] [https://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/blogs/article-1217844/WILLIAM-REES-MOGG-The-big-tests-David-Cameron-tackle.html "The three big tests David Cameron has to tackle"], ''Daily Mail'' (<!-- UPDATED -->3 October 2009). * From the point of view of mass [[psychology]], the effect of militarism is based essentially on a libidinous mechanism. The sexual effect of a uniform, the erotically provocative effect of rhythmically executed goose-stepping, the exhibitionistic nature of militaristic procedures, have been more practically comprehended by a salesgirl or an average secretary than by our most erudite [[politicians]]. On the other hand it is political reaction that consciously exploits these sexual interests. It not only designs flashy uniforms for the men, it puts the recruiting into the hands of attractive women. In conclusion, let us but recall the recruiting posters of war-thirsty powers, which ran something as follows: ‘Travel to foreign countries — join the Royal Navy I’ and the foreign countries were portrayed by exotic women. And why are these posters effective? Because our youth has become sexually starved owing to sexual suppression. ** [[Wilhelm Reich]], ''The Mass Psychology of Fascism'', (1933), p. 31. * [[Catholic]] [[Christianity]] in particular has long since divested itself of the [[revolutionary]], i.e., rebellious, character of the primitive Christian movement. It seduces its millions of devotees into accepting war as an act of [[fate]], as a ‘[[punishment]] of [[sin]]’. Wars are indeed the consequences of sins, but entirely different sins from those conceived of by Catholicism. ** [[Wilhelm Reich]] in ''The Mass Psychology of Fascism'', (1933), p. 230. * Under the influence of [[politicians]], [[masses]] of people tend to ascribe the [[responsibility]] for wars to those who wield [[power]] at any given [[time]]. In the [[First World War]] it was the [[munitions]] [[industrialists]]; in the [[Second World War]] it was the [[psychopathic]] [[w:General officer|generals]] who were said to be [[guilty]]. This is [[w:Buck passing|passing the buck]]. The responsibility for wars falls solely upon the shoulders of these same masses of people, for they have all the necessary means to avert war in their own [[hands]]. ** [[Wilhelm Reich]], ''The Mass Psychology of Fascism'', (1933), p. 345. * People like to think of war as a ‘social thunderstorm’. It is said that it ‘purifies’ the atmosphere; it has its great benefits -it ‘hardens the [[youth]]’ and makes them [[courageous]]. As far as that goes, people say, we have always had and will always have wars. They are biologically motivated. According to [[Darwin]], the ‘[[struggle]] for [[existence]]’ is the [[law]] of [[life]]. Why, then, were [[peace]] conferences organized? Nor have I ever heard that bears or elephants split up into two camps and annihilate one another. In the [[animal]] kingdom there are no wars within the same [[species]]. Like [[sadism]], war among one’s own kind is an acquisition of ‘[[civilised]] man'. No, for some reason or another, man shies away from putting his finger on the [[causes]] of war. And there can be no [[doubt]] that better ways than war exist of making youth fit and [[healthy]], namely, a satisfying [[love]] life, [[pleasurable]] and steady [[work]], general [[sports]] and [[freedom]] from the malicious [[gossip]] of [[old]] [[maids]]. In short, such [[arguments]] are hollow chatter. ** [[Wilhelm Reich]], "The biological miscalculation in the human struggle for freedom (part I)", (1975), ''Journal of Orgonomy'' Vol 9, Issue 1. * And he gathered them together into a place called in the [[w:Hebrew language|Hebrew tongue]] Armageddon. ** [[Book of Revelation|Revelation]], XVI. 16. Armageddon. Correct reading is Har-Magedon, signifying Mountain of Megiddo. Authorized version, City of Megiddo. Mount Megiddo possibly Mount Carmel. The plain of Megiddo lay at its foot. Scene of many battles. * Then I saw when the Lamb broke one of the seven seals, and I heard one of the four living creatures saying as with a voice of thunder, “Come.” I looked, and behold, a white horse, and he who sat on it had a bow; and a crown was given to him, and he went out conquering and to conquer. ** Revelation 6:1-2 * Twelve mailed men sat drinking late,<br> The wine was red as blood.<br>Cried one, "How long then must we wait<br>Ere we shall thunder at the gate,<br> And crush the cursed brood?"<br>Twelve men of iron, drinking late,<br>Strike hands, and pledge a cup of hate:<br>* "The Day!" ** [[Charles Alex Richmond]], ''The Day''. * The war is a [[Hallucination|hallucination]] of those without [[homeland]]. ** [[Borislav Ristić]], [https://m.vecernji.hr/premium/rat-je-halucinacija-onih-bez-domovine-1263380 "Rat je halucinacija onih bez domovine"] ''Večernji list''. Published 11th August 2018. * If we are to end our wars, we have to dispense with a threatening, vengeful, bloodthirsty God. If we're to have any kind of world brotherhood, we have to dispense with a God who reserves his favors for a chosen few. Life is given to all. The sun shines freely on each of us. Would a God be less kindly? More than this, we must also dispense with our species God, and extend our ideas of divinity outward to the rest of nature which couches us and our religious theorizing with such a gracious and steady support. ** [[Jane Roberts]], ''The God of Jane: A Psychic Manifesto'', p. 63. [[File:Tri-service_medal_of_honor.jpg|thumb|'''The [[strength]] of a [[civilization]] is not measured by its [[ability]] to [[fight]] wars, but rather by its ability to prevent them.''' ~ [[Gene Roddenberry]]]] * '''The [[strength]] of a [[civilization]] is not measured by its [[ability]] to [[fight]] wars, but rather by its ability to prevent them.''' ** [[Gene Roddenberry]], shown at the end of the episode "Scorched Earth", no. 14 in the 3rd season of [[Wikipedia:Earth: Final Conflict|Gene Roddenberry's Earth: Final Conflict]], first aired on February 7, 2000. * The morning came, there stood the foe;<br> Stark eyed them as they stood;<br>Few words he spoke—'twas not a time<br> For moralizing mood:<br>"See there the enemy, my boys!<br> Now, strong in valor's might,<br>Beat them or Betty Stark will sleep<br> In widowhood to-night." ** [[J. P. Rodmen]], ''Battle of Bennington''. * He who makes the powder wins the war. ** [[Walter Rodney]], {{cite book |title={{w|How Europe Underdeveloped Africa}} |date=1972 |publisher=Howard University Press |isbn=978-0-9501546-4-0 |page=118}} * Lo, steel-clad War his gorgeous standard rears !<br>The red-cross squadrons madly rage,<br> And mow thro' infancy and age... ** [[Samuel Rogers]], ''Ode to Superstition'' III.2. (1786). * I have always said that a conference was held for one reason only, to give everybody a chance to get sore at everybody else. Sometimes it takes two or three conferences to scare up a war, but generally one will do it. ** [[Will Rogers]], syndicated column (July 5, 1933); in ''The New York Times'' (July 6, 1933, p. 23). Disraeli is another who had an unsanguine view of conferences: "The Conference lasted six weeks. It wasted six weeks. It lasted as long as a Carnival, and, like a Carnival, it was an affair of masks and mystification. Our Ministers went to it as men in distressed circumstances go to a place of amusement—to while away the time, with a consciousness of impending failure". Speech in the House of Commons on Denmark and Germany, vote of censure (July 4, 1864), ''Hansard's Parliamentary Debates'', 3d series, vol. 176, col. 743. * I originated a remark many years ago that I think has been copied more than any little thing that I've every said, and I used it in the FOLLIES of 1922. I said America has a unique record. We never lost a war and we never won a conference in our lives. I believe that we could without any degree of egotism, single-handed lick any nation in the world. But we can't confer with [[w:Costa Rica|Costa Rica]] and come home with our shirts on. ** [[Will Rogers]], Paula McSpadden Love, ''The Will Rogers Book'' (1972), p. 177. The author was a niece of Will Rogers's and curator of the Will Rogers Memorial in Claremore, Oklahoma. * Take the diplomacy out of war and the thing would fall flat in a week. ** [[Will Rogers]] as quoted in ''Wit'' (2003) by Des MacHale, p. 299 * You can't say civilization don't advance, however, for in every war they kill you in a new way. ** [[Will Rogers]], ''The Autobiography of Will Rogers'' (1949) * Since I am an immature and wicked man, war and unrest appeal to me more than good [[Bourgeoisie|bourgeois]] order. [[Cruelty|Brutality]] is respected, the people need wholesome fear. They want to fear someone. They want someone to frighten them and make them shudderingly submissive. ** [[Ernst Röhm ]], Cited in "The Nazis: A Warning from History", Disc 1, 10:48. Also quoted in "The Face of the Third Reich: Portraits of the Nazi Leadership" - Page 139 by Joachim C. Fest - History - 1999. * And while I am talking to you mothers and fathers, I give you one more assurance. I have said this before, but I shall say it again and again and again: Your boys are not going to be sent into any foreign wars. ** [[Franklin D. Roosevelt]], campaign speech, Boston, Massachusetts (October 30, 1940); in ''The Public Papers and Addresses of Franklin D. Roosevelt, 1940'' (1941), p. 517. * To you men who, in your turn, have come together to spend and be spent in the endless crusade against wrong; to you who face the future resolute and confident; to you who strive in a spirit of brotherhood for the betterment of our nation; to you who gird yourselves for this great new fight in the never-ending warfare for the good of mankind, I say in closing what I said in that speech in closing: "We stand at Armageddon and we battle for the Lord." ** [[Theodore Roosevelt]], speech, at Chicago, Progressive Convention, Aug. 5, 1912, quoting from his speech in June. * There are a great many objections urged against the enfranchisement of women; and one that I have recently heard is that women would not go to war. Perhaps, if women had the franchise, men would not need to go to war neither. And this is one great reason why I demand the franchise. War is only a relic of the old barbarisms. So long as woman is deprived of her right, man is only next door to a barbarian. If he were not, he never would go to war. ** [[Ernestine Rose]] [https://awpc.cattcenter.iastate.edu/2017/03/21/address-to-the-first-anniversary-of-the-american-equal-rights-association-may-9-1867-2/ Address] to the First Anniversary of the American Equal Rights Association (May 9, 1867) * Righteous Heaven,<br>In thy great day of vengeance! Blast the traitor<br>And his pernicious counsels, who, for wealth,<br>For pow'r, the pride of greatness, or revenge,<br>Would plunge his native land in civil wars. ** [[Nicholas Rowe]], ''Jane Shore'' (1714), Act III, scene 1, line 198. * War, the needy bankrupt's last resort. ** [[Nicholas Rowe]], ''Pharsalia'', Book I. 343. * War does not develop the virtues of peace. . .It is not a school that teaches respect for the person or property of others. ** Betty B. Rosenbaum, [https://scholarlycommons.law.northwestern.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=2911&context=jclc "Relationship Between War and Crime in the United States"], ''Journal of Criminal Law and Criminology'', Volume 30, Issue 5, January-February, 1940. * When the rules of civilized society are suspended, when killing becomes a business and a sign of valor and heroism, when the wanton destruction of peaceable women and. children becomes an act of virtue, and is praised as a service to God and country, then it seems almost useless to talk about crime in the ordinary sense. ** Betty B. Rosenbaum, [https://scholarlycommons.law.northwestern.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=2911&context=jclc "Relationship Between War and Crime in the United States"], ''Journal of Criminal Law and Criminology'', Volume 30, Issue 5, January-February, 1940. * [There is] an obliteration of all the religious, moral and legal habits which acted as a barrier against acts of murder or of aggression against personal inviolability. ** Betty B. Rosenbaum, [https://scholarlycommons.law.northwestern.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=2911&context=jclc "Relationship Between War and Crime in the United States"], ''Journal of Criminal Law and Criminology'', Volume 30, Issue 5, January-February, 1940. * Uppermost on everybody’s mind of course, particularly here in America, is the horror of what has come to be known as [[September 11 attacks|9/11]]. Nearly three thousand civilians lost their lives in that lethal [[Terrorism|terrorist]] strike. The grief is still deep. The rage still sharp. The tears have not dried. And a strange, deadly war is raging around the world. Yet, each person who has lost a loved one surely knows secretly, deeply, that no war, no act of revenge, no daisy-cutters dropped on someone else’s loved ones or someone else’s children, will blunt the edges of their pain or bring their own loved ones back. War cannot avenge those who have died. War is only a brutal desecration of their memory. **[[Arundhati Roy]], [https://dharma-records.buddhasasana.net/texts/arundhati-roys-speech-come-september ''Come September'' Speech, Santa Fe, NM], (29 Sep 2002) * He never would believe that Providence had sent a few men into the world, ready booted and spurred to ride, and millions ready saddled and bridled to be ridden. ** [[Richard Rumbold]], at his execution (1685). See Macaulay—History of England, Chapter V. * It makes me hate war, but it doesn't make me believe that we're in a world that can live without war yet. ** Lt. Josh Rushing, Pentagon spokesman, in ''[[w:Control Room (film)|Control Room]]'' (2004), upon viewing footage of dead and wounded American soldiers in Iraq * '''I have seen war.''' I have seen war on land and sea. I have seen blood running from the wounded. I have seen the dead in the mud. I have seen cities destroyed. I have seen children starving. I have seen the agony of mothers and wives. '''I hate war.''' ** [[Franklin Delano Roosevelt]], August 1936 speech in Chautauqua, New York, reported in [http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,756504,00.html?promoid=googlep Time magazine]. * Those who took refuge in the cave of Zeret tried to reproduce their traditional way of life underground, far from the omnivoyance of the [[Italian]] colonial army. This seems to be a characteristic of 20th century war: from the [[w:Madrid Metro|Madrid tube]] in the 1930s to the present [[Al-Qaeda]] bunkers in [[Afghanistan]], all the way through the [[w:Vietcong|Vietcong]] tunnels and the [[American]] [[w:Fallout shelter|nuclear shelters]] of the 1960s. Talking about the [[Iraq War]], Stephen Graham (2004: 18) writes: ‘this time... the key is between trans-global, near instantaneous killing power, operating on the fringes of the outer space, and deep, subterranean, terrestrial space’. Except for the outer space, though, there is nothing really new in the [[War on Terror|War against Terror]]—an offspring of [[colonial]] warfare (Mbembe 2003). For the last hundred years, against the destructiveness of industrial war, the only option of survival has been going underground. And this is what the followers of Abebe Aregai did. ** Alfredo González-Ruibal, Yonatan Sahle and Xurxo Ayán Vila, [https://core.ac.uk/download/pdf/36054473.pdf “A social archaeology of colonial war in Ethiopia”], ''World Archeology'', Vol. 43, (04, Mar 2011), p.8 * Always our wars have been our confessions of weakness...We are against war and the sources of war. We are for poetry and the sources of poetry. ** [[Muriel Rukeyser]] ''The Life of Poetry'' (1949) p 211 and 213 * '''Patriots always talk of dying for their country, and never of killing for their country.''' ** [[Bertrand Russel]], ''Has Man a Future?'' (1962), p. 78<!--79--> * [The Russians] dashed on towards that thin line tipped with steel. ** W. H. Russell—The British Expedition to the Crimea. (Revised edition), p. 187. Also in his Letters to the London Times, Oct. 25, 1854. Speaking of the 93rd Highlanders at Balaclava. Credit for authorship of "the thin red line" claimed by Russell in a letter printed in Notes and Queries, series 8, VII, p. 191. == S == [[File:USMC-00772.jpg|thumb|"War," a friend of mine said, "is not about sound at all. It is actually about silence, the silence of humanity." ~ [[Zainab Salbi]]]] [[File:RIAN archive 662758 Recruits entering Voroshilov Barracks.jpg|thumb|Sometime they'll give a war and nobody will come.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Carl Sandburg]]}}]] [[File:New Orleans h76369k.jpg|thumb|War is hell.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[William Tecumseh Sherman]]}}]] [[File:Sherman sea 1868.jpg|thumb|We fed thousands upon thousands of the families of rebel soldiers left on our hands, and whom we could not see starve. Now that war comes home to you; you feel very different. You deprecate its horrors, but did not feel them when you sent car-loads of soldiers and ammunition, and moulded shells and shot to carry war.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[William Tecumseh Sherman]]}}]] [[File:Atomic cloud over Hiroshima.jpg|thumb|A people who will persevere in war beyond a certain limit ought to know the consequences.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[William Tecumseh Sherman]]}}]] [[File:Hiroshima 10km.jpg|thumb|You might as well appeal against the thunderstorm as against these terrible hardships of war. They are inevitable.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[William Tecumseh Sherman]]}}]] [[File:Bruce Crandall's UH-1D.jpg|thumb|War! What is it good for? Absolutely nothing!<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[w:Edwin Starr|Edwin Starr]]}}]] [[File:CDR Michele Day, USN (X.O.).jpg|thumb|War! war! war! Heaven aid the right! God move the hero's arm in the fearful fight! God send the women sleep in the long, long night... When the breasts on whose strength they leaned shall heave no more.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Edmund Clarence Stedman]]}}]] [[File:Portrait of Ambassador Adlai E. Stevenson II.jpg|thumb|right|A [[wise]] man does not try to hurry [[history]]. Many wars have been avoided by patience and many have been precipitated by reckless haste.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Adlai Stevenson II]]}}]] [[File:Count and Countess László Széchenyi.jpg|thumb|War has been the excuse people have made throughout history to take something away from others that didn't belong to them...War is caused by greed. ~ [[László Széchenyi]]]] * [[Piers Morgan]]: You're always very keen to take a view, even if they're unproven, that is anti-American. You're never quite so keen to take a view that is anti-dictator. ... : [[Jeffrey Sachs]]: It's not whether they're dictators or not, it's what the United States' role is. I don't believe that any country can arrogate this task of bringing down other countries' governments. The [[Central Intelligence Agency|CIA]] has been involved in probably 90 or 100 covert [[w:United States regime change operations|regime change operations]] since it was founded in 1947. My whole life has been the United States at war. It's sickening. It's tiring. These wars are disasters. It's just not our business to say, "That one's despicable. That one has to go." But literally this is what [[Obama]] did. It's a shame that he did this. He said, "[[w:Bashar al-Assad|Assad]] must go." ... Literally, Piers, it's been 13 years of mass killing since then, no resolution at all. Completely predictable. This is what I'm against. :* [[Jeffrey Sachs]] as interviewed by [[Piers Morgan]], [https://scrapsfromtheloft.com/tv-series/jeffrey-sachs-on-syria-assad-putin-transcript/ December 5, 2024] * I grew up in [[Iraq war|war-torn Iraq]], and I believe that there are two sides of wars and we've only seen one side of it. We only talk about one side of it. But there's another side that I have witnessed as someone who lived in it and someone who ended up working in it. ** [[Zainab Salbi]], ''[https://www.ted.com/talks/zainab_salbi?language=en Zainab Salbi: Women, wartime and the dream of peace]'', speech at [[w:TED (conference)#TEDGlobal|TEDGlobal]] 2010, ''[[w:TED (conference)|TED]]''. * '''"War," a friend of mine said, "is not about sound at all. It is actually about silence, the silence of humanity."''' ** [[Zainab Salbi]], ''[https://www.ted.com/talks/zainab_salbi?language=en Zainab Salbi: Women, wartime and the dream of peace]'', speech at [[w:TED (conference)#TEDGlobal|TEDGlobal]] 2010, ''[[w:TED (conference)|TED]]''. * '''There are two sides of war. There is a side that fights, and there is a side that keeps the schools and the factories and the hospitals open.''' There is a side that is focused on winning battles, and there is a side that is focused on winning life. There is a side that leads the front-line discussion, and there is a side that leads the back-line discussion. There is a side that thinks that peace is the end of fighting, and there is a side that thinks that peace is the arrival of schools and jobs. There is a side that is led by men, and there is a side that is led by [[Women in war|women]]. And in order for us to understand how do we build lasting peace, we must understand war and peace from both sides. We must have a full picture of what that means. ** [[Zainab Salbi]], ''[https://www.ted.com/talks/zainab_salbi?language=en Zainab Salbi: Women, wartime and the dream of peace]'', speech at [[w:TED (conference)#TEDGlobal|TEDGlobal]] 2010, ''[[w:TED (conference)|TED]]''. * To accept the legitimacy of the state is to embrace the necessity for war. ** [[L.K. Samuels]], “Iraq and the Roots of War,” ''California Freedom'' (June 2007). * Sometime they'll give a war and nobody will come. ** [[Carl Sandburg]], "The People, Yes", ''The People, Yes'' (1936), stanza 23, line 23, republished in ''The Complete Poems of Carl Sandburg'', rev. and expanded ed. (1970), p. 464. * Mr. Speaker, in the brief time I have let me give you five reasons why I'm opposed to giving the President a blank check to launch a unilateral invasion and occupation of Iraq and why I will vote against this resolution. One: I have not heard any estimates of how many young American men and women might die in such a war, or how many tens of thousands of women and children in Iraq might also be killed. As a caring nation, we should do everything we can to prevent the horrible suffering that a war will cause. War must be the last recourse in international relations, not the first. Second... If President Bush believes that the US can go to war at any time against any nation, what moral or legal obligation can our government raise if another country chose to do the same thing. ** [[Bernie Sanders]], in [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdFw1btbkLM Speech on Iraq War Resolution in US House of Representatives] (9 October 2002) * Irregular combatants are at their most effective in cities. They cannot easily shoot down planes, nor fight tanks in open fields. Instead, they draw the enemy into cities, and undermine the key advantage of today’s major powers, whose mechanised weapons are of little use in dense and narrow urban spaces. ** Saskia Sassen, [https://www.theguardian.com/cities/2018/jan/30/new-war-rise-endless-urban-conflict-saskia-sassen “Welcome to a new kind of war: the rise of endless urban conflict”], ''The Guardian'', (30 Jan 2018), last modified on (11 May 2018). * Another fucking war, man. I don't know where to begin, but I'll start with the radical leaders. Their steps we're following. ** [[w:Avenged Sevenfold|Matthew Charles Sanders]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EPpLVdbVXFI "Blinded in Chains"] (2005), ''City of Evil'' * Only the dead have seen the end of war. ** [[George Santayana]], ''Soliloquies in England and Later Soliloquies'' (1922); this is often misattributed to [[Plato]][http://plato-dialogues.org/faq/faq008.htm]. * '''Let no one ever, from henceforth say one word in any way countenancing war.''' It is dangerous even to speak of how here and there the individual may gain some hardship of soul by it. For '''war is hell, and those who institute it are criminals. Were there even anything to say for it, it should not be said; for its spiritual disasters far outweigh any of its advantages.''' ** [[Siegfried Sassoon]], As quoted by Robert Nichols in his introduction to ''The Counter-Attack and Other Poems'' (1918) * The fundamental of war has always been dehumanizing the enemy, seeing him as a soulless animal. ** [[Robert J. Sawyer]], ''Factoring Humanity'' (1998), Chapter 41 * ''Qui fuit peut revenir aussi;<br>Qui meurt, il n'en est pas ainsi.'' ** He who flies can also return; but it is not so with him who dies. ** Scarron. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * Ein Schlachten war's, nicht eine Schlacht, zu nennen!<br> It was a slaughter rather than a battle. ** [[Friedrich Schiller]], ''Die Jungfrau von Orleans'', I. 9. 50. * Est ist hier wie in den alten Zeiten<br>Wo die Klinge noch alles that bedeuten. ** It is now as in the days of yore when the sword ruled all things. ** [[Friedrich Schiller]], ;;Wallenstein's Lager;;, VI. 140. * War is not healthy for children and other living things. ** Lorraine Art Schneider, Mother's Day card (1967) for [[w:Another Mother for Peace|Another Mother for Peace]], used in the organization's logo. See [http://www.swarthmore.edu/Library/peace/DG100-150/DG102AMP.html Swarthmore College Peace Collection]. * ''Hosti non solum dandam esse viam fugiendi verum etiam muniendam.'' ** Give the enemy not only a road for flight, but also a means of defending it. ** [[Scipio Africanus]], according to Frontinus, ''Strateg'', IV. 7. 16. * One blast upon his bugle horn<br> Were worth a thousand men. ** [[Walter Scott]], ''Lady of the Lake'' (1810), Canto VI, Stanza 18. * In the lost battle,<br> Borne down by the flying,<br>Where mingles war's rattle<br> With groans of the dying. ** [[Walter Scott]], ''Marmion'' (1808), Canto III, Stanza 11. * "Charge, Chester, charge! On, Stanley, on!"<br>Were the last words of Marmion. ** [[Walter Scott]], ''Marmion'' (1808), Canto VI, Stanza 32. * Still from the sire the son shall hear<br>Of the stern strife, and carnage drear,<br> Of Flodden's fatal field,<br>When shiver'd was fair Scotland's spear,<br> And broken was her shield! ** [[Walter Scott]], ''Marmion'' (1808), Canto VI, Stanza 34. * There was a stately drama writ<br> By the hand that peopled the earth and air,<br>And set the stars in the infinite,<br> And made night gorgeous and morning fair;<br>And all that had sense to reason knew<br>That bloody drama must be gone through.<br>Some sat and watched how the action veered—<br>Waited, profited, trembled, cheered—<br>We saw not clearly nor understood,<br> But yielding ourselves to the masterhand,<br>Each in his part as best he could,<br> We played it through as the author planned. ** [[Alan Seeger]], ''The Hosts''. * I'm dedicating my little [[story]] to you; doubtless you will be among the very few who will ever [[read]] it. It seems [[w:War Story|war stories]] aren't very well received at this point. I'm told they're out-dated, untimely and as might be expected - make some [[unpleasant]] reading. And, as you have no doubt already perceived, human beings don't like to [[remember]] unpleasant things. They gird themselves with the [[armor]] of [[w:Wishful thinking|wishful thinking]], [[protect]] themselves with a [[shield]] of impenetrable [[optimism]], and, with a few exceptions, seem to accomplish their "[[forgetting]]" quite admirably. But you, my children, I don't want you to be among those who choose to forget. I want you to read my stories and a lot of others like them. I want you to fill your heads with Remarque and Tolstoy and Ernie Pyle. I want you to know what shrapnel, and "88's" and mortar shells and mustard gas mean. I want you to feel, no matter how vicariously, a semblance of the [[feeling]] of a torn limb, a burnt patch of flesh, the [[crippling]], [[numbing]] sensation of [[fear]], the [[hopeless]] [[emptiness]] of [[fatigue]]. All these things are complimentary to the province of war and they should be [[taught]] and demonstrated in [[w:Classroom|classrooms]] along with the more [[heroic]] aspects of [[uniforms]], and [[flags]], and [[honor]] and [[patriotism]]. I have no idea what your generation will be like. In mine we were to enjoy "Peace in our time". A very well meaning gentleman waved his umbrella and shouted those very words...less than a year before the whole world went to war. But this gentleman was suffering the worldly disease of insufferable optimism. He and his fellow humans kept polishing the [[w:Rose-colored glasses|rose colored glasses]] when actually they should have taken them off. They were [[sacrificing]] [[reason]] and [[reality]] for a brief and temporal [[w:Peace of mind|peace of mind]], the same peace of mind that many of my contemporaries derive by steadfastly refraining from remembering the war that came before. ** [[Rod Serling]], excerpt from a dedication to an unpublished short story, "First Squad, First Platoon"; from Serling to his as yet unborn children. * Too many wars are fought almost as if by rote. Too many wars are fought out of sloganry, out of battle hymns, out of aged, musty appeals to patriotism that went out with knighthood and moats. Love your country because it is eminently worthy of your affection. Respect it because it deserves your respect. Be loyal to it because it cannot survive without your loyalty. But do not accept the shedding of blood as a natural function or a prescribed way of history, even if history points this up by its repetition. That men die for causes does not necessarily sanctify that cause. And that men are maimed and torn to pieces every fifteen and twenty years does not immortalize or deify the act of war. Are you tough enough, young ladies and gentlemen, to try to build a world in which young men can live out their lives in fruitful pursuit of a decent, enriching consummation of both his talents and his hopes. But if survival calls for the bearing of arms, bear them, you must. As we all have. ** [[Rod Serling]], [https://rodserling.com/rod-serlings-1968-commencement-address/ ”Rod Serling’s 1968 Commencement Address of Rod Serling to Binghamton Central High School Graduates”], (January 28th, 1968) * When you leave here today, if you agree with me, and others, give thought if you will to the inconsistencies of our national morality. That we can punish civil disobedience that finds expression in a revulsion against death – and yet remain strangely unmoved by acts of murder against victims we are supposedly helping, and are ourselves dying for. <br> And even if you don’t agree – give thought to the whole adventure of war. It has been your fathers lot, and mine, and his. There has not been even a spasmodic moment when young men have not fought and died. When the solons, and the aged heads of state have not in their infinite wisdom and consummate judgment, sent the young off to end their lives. An obscure poet named [[w:Arthur Daidson Ficke Arthur Daidson Ficke ]]|, wrote this in the 19th century: “Old men in impotence can beget new wars to kill the lusty young; Young men can sing, old men forget…That any song was every sung.” Don’t you forget that song, the words, the music, the symphony to living. Remember that you can’t necessarily sanctify a cause by virtue of the fact that men die for it. A death in a worthless or even questionable cause is a pointless, meaningless, tragically premature death. So when, in future times, men ask you to prove patriotism and loyalty and affection for your native land – remember that these things are not always equated with a willingness to die or to kill. ** Rod Serling, [https://rodserling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/Serling_Commencement_IC_1972.pdf “Commencement Address of Rod Serling to Ithica College New York"], (May 13, 1972), pp.3-4 * Fortune is always on the side of the largest battalions. ** [[Marie de Rabutin-Chantal, marquise de Sévigné]], ''Letters'', 202. * It is an irrepressible conflict between opposing and enduring forces. ** [[William H. Seward]], speech, The Irrepressible Conflict. Oct. 25, 1858. * They got [[money]] for wars, but can't feed the [[poor]]. ** [[Tupac Shakur]], ''[[w:Strictly 4 My N.I.G.G.A.Z...|Strictly 4 My N.I.G.G.A.Z...]]'', "Keep Ya Head Up", (February 16, 1993). * There was only one virtue, pugnacity; only one vice, pacifism. That is an essential condition of war. ** [[Bernard Shaw]], ''Heartbreak House''. Preface. Madness in Court. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * In the arts of life man invents nothing; but in the arts of death he outdoes Nature herself, and produces by chemistry and machinery all the slaughter of plague, pestilence and famine. ** [[Bernard Shaw]], ''Man and Superman''. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * They shall not pass, tho' battleline<br>May bend, and foe with foe combine,<br> Tho' death rain on them from the sky<br> Till every fighting man shall die,<br>France shall not yield to German Rhine. ** [[Alice M. Shepard]], ''They Shall Not Pass''. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * “These movies, they make war seem like a mystical opportunity. Well, man, when I was here it wasn’t quite that way, y’know. It was leeches, fungus, the shits. It was searchin’ in the weeds for your buddy’s arm. It was lookin’ into the snaky eyes of some whore you were bangin’ and feelin’ weird shit crawl along your spine and expectin’ her head to do a Linda Blair three-sixty spin.” I slipped into a chair and leaned closer to Witcover. “It was Mordor, man. Stephen King land. Horror. And now, now I look around at all these movies and monuments and crap, and it makes me wanna fuckin’ puke to see what a noble hell it’s turnin’ out to be!” ** [[Lucius Shepard]], ''Shades'' (1987), reprinted in [[w:Gardner Dozois|Gardner Dozois]] (ed.), ''[[w:The Year's Best Science Fiction: Fifth Annual Collection|The Year's Best Science Fiction: Fifth Annual Collection]]'', p. 356 * '''A people who will persevere in war beyond a certain limit ought to know the consequences'''. Many, many peoples with less pertinacity have been wiped out of national existence. ** General [[William Tecumseh Sherman]], letter to Major R.M. Sawyer (31 January 1864), from Vicksburg. * Hold the Fort! I am coming. ** General [[William Tecumseh Sherman]], Signalled to Gen. Corse. Oct. 5, 1864. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * War is hell. ** Attributed to General [[William Tecumseh Sherman]]. (Not remembered by him). John Koolbeck, of Harlem, Iowa, who was Aide de Camp to Gen. Winslow, testifies that after the battle of Vicksburg, 1861, Gen. Sherman was watching the crossing of the army across a pontoon bridge, at the river Pearl. Koolbeck distinctly heard him say: "War is Hell." See Everybody's. Oct., 1918, p. 71. * I regard the death and mangling of a couple thousand men as a small affair, a kind of morning dash — and it may be well that we become so hardened. ** General [[William Tecumseh Sherman]], in a letter to his wife (July 1864) * '''War is the remedy our enemies have chosen. Other simple remedies were within their choice. Yon know it and they know it, but they wanted war, and I say let us give them all they want; not a word of argument, not a sign of let up, no cave in till we are whipped or they are.''' ** General [[William Tecumseh Sherman]], [https://books.google.com/books?id=rcFZAAAAYAAJ&pg=PA248 letter to James Guthrie] (14 August 1864), Georgia. * I've been where you are now and I know just how you feel. It's entirely natural that there should beat in the breast of every one of you a hope and desire that some day you can use the skill you have acquired here. Suppress it! You don't know the horrible aspects of war. I've been through two wars and I know. I've seen cities and homes in ashes. I've seen thousands of men lying on the ground, their dead faces looking up at the skies. I tell you, war is hell! ** General [[William Tecumseh Sherman]], address to the graduating class of the [[w:Michigan Military Academy|Michigan Military Academy]] (19 June 1879), as quoted from accounts by Dr. Charles O. Brown in the Battle Creek ''Enquirer and News'' (18 November 1933). * Greedy men say "More!" to war<br />Sitting together telling [[stories]]<br />could change that but who will take the time? ** [[Naomi Shihab Nye]] Voices in the Air: Poems for Listeners (2018) * How can there be war<br />and the next day eating, a man stacking plates<br />on the curl of his arm, a table of people<br />toasting one another in languages of [[grace]] ** [[Naomi Shihab Nye]] Voices in the Air: Poems for Listeners (2018) * You do not understand what happens in war—a sort of sublime madness, an unholy hatred that is twisted into an unreasoning sense of righteousness… ** [[Clifford D. Simak]], ''Cemetery World'' (1973), Chapter 7 * ''J'ai vécu.'' ** I existed. ** [[Emmanuel-Joseph Sieyès]], when asked what he did during the Reign of Terror. See Mignet—Notices Hist. I. 81. * '''My knowledge of pain, learned with the sabre, taught me not to be afraid.''' And just as in dueling when you must concentrate on your enemy's cheek, so, too, in war. '''You cannot waste time on feinting and sidestepping. You must decide on your target and go in.''' ** [[Otto Skorzeny]], comparing his dueling days with commando tactics, as quoted in ''Skorzeny'' (1972) by Charles Whiting, p. 17. * '''[[All]]'s [[fair]] in [[love]] and war.''' ** [[w:Francis Edward Smedley|Francis Edward Smedley]], ''Frank Fairlegh : Scenes from the Life of a Private Pupil'' (1850). * Sainte Jeanne went harvesting in France,<br> But ah! what found she there?<br>The little streams were running red,<br> And the torn fields were bare;<br>And all about the ruined towers<br> Where once her king was crowned,<br>The hurtling ploughs of war and death<br> Had scored the desolate ground. ** Marion Couthouy Smith—Sainte Jeanne of France. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * For God's sake, do not drag me into another war! I am worn down, and worn out, with crusading and defending Europe, and protecting mankind; I must think a little of myself. ** [[Sydney Smith]], letter to the Countess Grey (February 19, 1823); ''A Memoir of the Rev. Sydney Smith by His Daughter Lady Holland'' (1874), p. 434. * Every shot has its commission, d'ye see? We must all die at one time, as the saying is. ** [[Tobias Smollett]], ''The Reprisal'', Act III. 8. * Some of you will not come back. Some of you will come back maimed. Those of you who do come back will come back changed men. That is war! ** [[Jan Smuts]], when seeing off young South Africans in [[w:World War II|World War II]], as cited in Antony Lentin, 2010, Jan Smuts - Man of courage and vision, p. 138. {{ISBN|978-1-86842-390-3}}. * I came, I saw, God overcame. ** [[John Sobieski]], to the Pope, with the captured Mussulman standards. * A nice war is a war where everybody who is heroic is a hero, and everybody more or less is a hero in a nice war. Now this war is not at all a nice war. ** [[Gertrude Stein]], ''Wars I Have Seen'', Statement about World War II (written in 1943), p. 77 * War is never fatal but always lost. Always lost. ** [[Gertrude Stein]], ''Wars I Have Seen'' (1945) * War was a kind of poverty with bullets. ** [[Bruce Sterling]], ''Join the Navy and See the Worlds'' (2009) in [[w:Gardner Dozois|Gardner Dozois]] & [[w:Jonathan Strahan|Jonathan Strahan]] (eds.) ''[[w:The New Space Opera 2|The New Space Opera 2]]'' (mass market paperback edition, {{ISBN|978-0-06-156236-5}}), p. 327 * A [[wise]] man does not try to hurry [[history]]. Many [[wars]] have been avoided by patience and many have been precipitated by reckless haste. ** [[Adlai Stevenson II]], ''Speeches of Adlai Stevenson'' (1952), p. 39 * [[Speed]] is the essence of war. Take advantage of the enemy's unpreparedness; travel by unexpected routes and strike him where he has taken no precautions. ** [[Sun Tzu]], ''The Art of War'' * [I]n war the victorious strategist only seeks battle after the victory has been won, whereas he who is destined to defeat first fights and afterwards looks for victory. ** [[Sun Tzu]], [https://suntzusaid.com/book/4/15/ ''The Art of War''] * All warfare is based on deception. ** [[Sun Tzu]], ''Art of War'' * Terrible as an army with banners. ** Song of Solomon, VI. 4 and 10. * Either this or upon this. (Either bring this back or be brought back upon it). ** Said to be a Spartan mother's words to her son on giving him his shield. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * Then more fierce<br>The conflict grew; the din of arms, the yell<br>Of savage rage, the shriek of agony,<br>The groan of death, commingled in one sound<br>Of undistinguish'd horrors. ** [[Robert Southey]], ''Madoc in Wales'' (1805), Part II, XV. * War! war! war!<br>Heaven aid the right!<br>God move the hero's arm in the fearful fight!<br>God send the women sleep in the long, long night,<br> When the breasts on whose strength they leaned shall heave no more. ** [[Edmund Clarence Stedman]], ''Alice of Monmouth: an Idyl of the Great War'' (1864), VII. * The crystal-pointed tents from hill to hill. ** [[Edmund Clarence Stedman]], ''Alice of Monmouth: an Idyl of the Great War'' (1864), XI. * But, Virginians, don't do it, for I tell you that the flagon,<br> Filled with blood of Old Brown's offspring, was first poured by Southern hands;<br>And each drop from Old Brown's life-veins, like the red gore of the Dragon,<br> May spring up a vengeful Fury, hissing through your slave-worn lands:<br>* And Old Brown,<br>* Osawatomie Brown,<br>May trouble you worse than ever, when you've nailed his coffin down. ** [[Edmund Clarence Stedman]], ''How Old Brown Took Harper's Ferry''. Written during Brown's Trial. Nov., 1859. * '''Never run against a war hero.''' ** [[Adlai Stevenson]], who famously campaigned twice for US president against [[Dwight Eisenhower]], when asked if he had any advice to give to a young politician, as quoted in [http://en.epochtimes.com/news/4-11-4/24153.html "History Remembers…Adlai Stevenson" by Maureen Zebian in ''The Epoch Times'' (4 November 2004)]. * Waste of Blood, and waste of Tears<br>Waste of youth's most precious years,<br>Waste of ways the saints have trod,<br>Waste of Glory, waste of God,<br>War! ** [[Geoffrey Studdert Kennedy]], from ''Waste'', in ''More Rough Rhymes of a Padre'' (1919) * When battle approaches, when war arises, the plans of the gods, beloved by the gods, are destroyed. ** [[Sumerian proverb]] from [[Ur]]im, [http://etcsl.orinst.ox.ac.uk/proverbs/t.6.2.3.html Text online] at {{w|The Electronic Text Corpus of Sumerian Literature}}, {{w|3rd millennium BCE}}. * Hobbes clearly proves that every creature<br>Lives in a state of war by nature. ** [[Jonathan Swift]], ''Poetry'', ''A Rhapsody''. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * War, that mad game the world so loves to play. ** [[Jonathan Swift]], ''Ode to Sir William Temple''. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * Not with dreams, but with blood and with iron<br>Shall a nation be moulded to last. ** [[Algernon Charles Swinburne]], ''A Word for the Country''. * War has been the excuse people have made throughout history to take something away from others that didn't belong to them. And it's a never ending cycle. First one group takes away something from the other, then the other wants to take it back, only if they succeed, they take much more. And then it starts all over again. War is caused by greed. ** [[László Széchenyi]], ''Visions of Utopia'', p. 67 == T == [[File:The Old Flag Never Touched the Ground.jpg|thumb|Gods are on the side of the stronger.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Tacitus]]}}]] [[File:Image-UN Swords into Plowshares Statue.JPG|thumb|right|If wars in the [[future]] are to be prevented the [[nations]] must be [[united]] in their determination to keep the [[peace]] under [[law]].<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[Harry S. Truman]]}}]] * Ratio et consilium propriæ ducis artes. ** The proper qualities of a general are judgment and deliberation. ** [[Tacitus]], ''Annales'' (AD 117), III. 20. * Deos fortioribus adesse. ** The gods are on the side of the stronger. ** [[Tacitus]], ''Annales'' (AD 117), IV. 17. * We can start at once. We made preparations on the way. ** Commander Joseph K. Taussig for the American Navy, to the British Admiral's query: "When will you be ready?" (1917). Erroneously attributed to Admiral Sims. * [[w:Militarism|Militarism]]... is [[w:Fetishism|fetish]] worship. It is the prostration of men's souls before, and the laceration of their bodies to appease, an [[w:Idolatry|idol]]. ...Reverence for economic activity and industry and what is called business is also fetish worship, and in their devotion to that idol they torture themselves as needlessly, and indulge in the same meaningless antics. ** [[R. H. Tawney]], ''[[The Acquisitive Society]]'' (1920). * A little more grape, Captain Bragg. ** Attributed to General [[Zachary Taylor]] at Buena Vista. Feb. 23, 1847. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * The children born of thee are sword and fire,<br>Red ruin, and the breaking up of law. ** [[Alfred Tennyson]], ''[[Idylls of the King]]'' (published 1859-1885), Guinevere, line 423. * It cannot be made, it shall not be made, it will not be made; but if it were made there would be a war between France and England for the possession of Egypt. ** [[Henry John Temple, 3rd Viscount Palmerston]], speech, 1851, referring to the Suez Canal (an example of an indiscreet and unfulfilled prophecy). * Half a league, half a league,<br> Half a league onward,<br>All in the valley of Death<br> Rode the six hundred.<br>"Forward the Light Brigade!<br> Charge for the guns!" he said,<br>Into the valley of death<br> Rode the six hundred. ** [[Alfred Tennyson]], ''The Charge of the Light Brigade'' (1854), Stanza 1. * Forward, the Light Brigade!<br>Was there a man dismayed?<br> Not tho' the soldier knew<br> Some one had blunder'd.<br>Theirs not to make reply,<br>Theirs not to reason why,<br>Theirs but to do and die.<br> Into the valley of death<br> Rode the six hundred. ** [[Alfred Tennyson]], ''The Charge of the Light Brigade'' (1854), Stanza 2. * Cannon to right of them,<br>Cannon to left of them,<br>Cannon in front of them<br> Volley'd and thunder'd;<br>Stormed at with shot and shell,<br>Boldly they rode and well,<br> Into the jaws of Death,<br>Into the mouth of Hell<br> Rode the six hundred. ** [[Alfred Tennyson]], ''The Charge of the Light Brigade'' (1854), Stanza 3. "Jaws of death" used by Du Bartas—Weekes and Workes. Day I, Part IV. Twelfth Night, Act III, scene 4. * ''Omnia prius experiri verbis quam armis sapientem decet.'' ** [[Terence]], ''Eunuchus'', V. 1. 19. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. ** It becomes a wise man to try negotiation before arms. * Ten good soldiers, wisely led,<br>Will beat a hundred without a head. ** [[D. W. Thompson]], ''Paraphrase of Euripides''. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * The last half of the [[20th century]] will seem like a [[wild]] [[party]] for [[rich]] [[kids]], compared to what's coming now. The party's over, folks. … "[[Winston Churchill]] said "The first casualty of War is always [[Truth]]." Churchill also said "In wartime, the Truth is so precious that it should always be surrounded by a bodyguard of [[Lies]]." <br> That [[wisdom]] will not be much comfort to babies born last week. The first [[news]] they get in this world will be News subjected to [[Military]] [[Censorship]]. That is a given in wartime, along with massive campaigns of deliberately-planted "Dis-information." That is routine behavior in Wartime — for all countries and all combatants — and it makes life difficult for people who value [[real]] news. Count on it. ** [[Hunter S. Thompson]], "When War Drums Roll" (17 September 2001) * Better, far better! Endure all the horrors of civil war than to see the dusky sons of Ham leading the fair daughters of the south to the altar. ** [[w:William Thompson|William M. Thompson]], letter to Warner A. Thompson (2 February 1861), as quoted in [https://books.google.com/books?id=1qhEHVki8tEC&pg=PA19 ''For Cause and Comrades: Why Men Fought in the Civil War''] (1997), by James M. McPherson, New York City: Oxford University Press, Inc., p. 19 * But what most showed the vanity of life<br>Was to behold the nations all on fire. ** [[James Thomson (poet)|James Thomson]], ''Castle of Indolence'' (1748), Canto I. 55. * Be convinced that to be happy means to be free and that to be free means to be brave. Therefore do not take lightly the perils of war. ** [[Thucydides]], "The Funeral Speech", ''The Speeches of Pericles'', trans. H. G. Edinger (1979), p. 39. * "Victory after all, I suppose!" he said, feeling his aching head. "Well, it seems a very gloomy business." ** [[J. R. R. Tolkien]], ''The Hobbit''. * War must be, while we defend our lives against a destroyer who would devour all; but I do not love the bright sword for its sharpness, nor the arrow for its swiftness, nor the warrior for his glory. I love only that which they defend. ** [[J. R. R. Tolkien]], ''The Lord of the Rings'' * A thousand touching traits testify to the sacred power of the love which a righteous war awakes in noble nations. ** [[Heinrich von Treitschke]], ''German History'', Volume I, p. 482. * War is elevating, because the individual disappears before the great conception of the state…. What a perversion of morality to wish to abolish heroism among men! ** [[Heinrich von Treitschke]], ''Politics'', Volume I, p. 74. * God will see to it that war always recurs as a drastic medicine for the human race. ** [[Heinrich von Treitschke]], ''Politics'', Volume I, p. 76. * The struggle against war, properly understood and executed, presupposes the uncompromising hostility of the proletariat and its organizations, always and everywhere, toward its own and every other imperialist bourgeoisie... ** [[Leon Trotsky]] "Resolution on the Antiwar Congress of the London Bureau" (July 1936). * The struggle against war and its social source, capitalism, presupposes direct, active, unequivocal support to the oppressed colonial peoples in their struggles and wars against imperialism. A 'neutral' position is tantamount to support of imperialism. ** [[Leon Trotsky]] "Resolution on the Antiwar Congress of the London Bureau" (July 1936). * They said we were soft, that we would not fight, that we could not win. We are not a warlike nation. We do not go to war for gain or for territory; we go to war for principles, and we produce young men like these. I think I told every one of them that I would rather have that medal, the Congressional Medal of Honor, than to be President of the United States. ** [[Harry S. Truman]], remarks at presentation of the Congressional Medal of Honor to fourteen members of the Navy and Marine Corps (October 5, 1945); in ''Public Papers of the Presidents of the United States: Harry S. Truman, 1945'', p. 375. * '''In bitter despair, some people have come to believe that wars are inevitable. With tragic fatalism, they insist that wars have always been, of necessity, and of necessity wars always will be. To such defeatism, men and women of good will must not and can not yield. The outlook for humanity is not so hopeless.''' ** [[Harry S. Truman]], [https://www.trumanlibrary.org/ww2/stofunio.htm Address Before a Joint Session of the US Congress (16 April 1945)] * '''If wars in the future are to be prevented the nations must be united in their determination to keep the peace under law.''' <br /> Nothing is more essential to the future peace of the world than continued cooperation of the nations which had to muster the force necessary to defeat the conspiracy of the Axis powers to dominate the world. <br /> While these great states have a special responsibility to enforce the peace, their responsibility is based upon the obligations resting upon all states, large and small, not to use force in international relations except in the defense of law. '''The responsibility of the great states is to serve and not to dominate the world.''' ** [[Harry S. Truman]], [https://www.trumanlibrary.org/ww2/stofunio.htm Address Before a Joint Session of the US Congress (16 April 1945)] * '''Any man who sees Europe now must realize that victory in a great war is not something you win once and for all, like victory in a ball game. Victory in a great war is something that must be won and kept won.''' It can be lost after you have won it — if you are careless or negligent or indifferent. <br /> Europe today is hungry. I am not talking about Germans. I am talking about the people of the countries which were overrun and devastated by the Germans, and particularly about the people of Western Europe. Many of them lack clothes and fuel and tools and shelter and raw materials. They lack the means to restore their cities and their factories. <br /> As the winter comes on, the distress will increase. Unless we do what we can to help, we may lose next winter what we won at such terrible cost last spring. '''Desperate men are liable to destroy the structure of their society to find in the wreckage some substitute for hope.''' If we let Europe go cold and hungry, we may lose some of the foundations of order on which the hope for worldwide peace must rest. <br /> '''We must help to the limits of our strength. And we will.''' ** [[Harry S. Truman]], [http://millercenter.org/scripps/archive/speeches/detail/3821 Radio Report to the American People on the Potsdam Conference (9 August 1945)] * “We’d never—” Alexander began, but he didn’t finish the sentence. When you were in a war, who could say what you might be driven to do? ** [[Harry Turtledove]], ''The Great War: Walk in Hell'' (1999), <small> {{ISBN|0-345-40561-7}}, </small> p. 72 * They’d kill him or he’d kill them. War reduced everything to a brutal simplicity. ** [[Harry Turtledove]], ''The Great War: Walk in Hell'' (1999), <small> {{ISBN|0-345-40561-7}}, </small> p. 379 * I’ll tell you, though, this whole business of war would be a hell of a lot more fun if you didn’t get shot. ** [[Harry Turtledove]], ''[[w:The Great War: Breakthroughs|The Great War: Breakthroughs]]'' (2000), <small> {{ISBN|0-345-40563-3}}, </small> p. 245 * He didn’t doubt there would be a next war; there would always be a next war. ** [[Harry Turtledove]], ''[[w:The Great War: Breakthroughs|The Great War: Breakthroughs]]'' (2000), <small> {{ISBN|0-345-40563-3}}, </small> p. 298 * Man is the only animal that deals in that atrocity of atrocities, War. He is the only one that gathers his brethren about him and goes forth in cold blood and calm pulse to exterminate his kind. He is the only animal that for sordid wages will march out … and help to slaughter strangers of his own species who have done him no harm and with whom he has no quarrel … and in the intervals between campaigns he washes the blood off his hands and works for "the universal brotherhood of man" — with his mouth. ** [[Mark Twain]], ''The War Prayer''. * When you have prayed for victory you have prayed for many unmentioned results which follow victory—must follow it, cannot help but follow it. Upon the listening spirit of God the Father fell also the unspoken part of the prayer. He commandeth me to put it into words. Listen!<br><br>"O Lord our Father, our young patriots, idols of our hearts, go forth to battle—be Thou near them! With them—in spirit—we also go forth from the sweet peace of our beloved firesides to smite the foe. O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with anavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with their little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it—for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen". ** [[Mark Twain]], "The War Prayer" (dictated 1904–1905); in ''Europe and Elsewhere'' (1923), p. 397–98. == U == * War without [[fire]] is worth nothing—like [[sausage]]s without mustard. ** [[w:Jean Juvénal des Ursins|Jean Juvénal des Ursins]] or [[Henry V of England|Henry V]] == V == * With [[computers]] acting as the stimulus, the theory of war was assimilated into that of [[microeconomics]]. . . . Instead of evaluating military operations by their product –that is, victory – calculations were cast in terms of input–output and cost effectiveness. Since intuition was replaced by calculation, and since the latter wasto be carried out with the aid of computers, it was necessary that all the phenomena of war be reduced to quantitative form. Consequently everything that could be quantified was, while everything that could not be tended to be thrown onto the garbage heap. ** Martin Van Creveld, ''Technology and War: From 2000 B.C. to the Present'', New York, London: Free Press, Collier Macmillan, 1989, p. 246; as qtd. in Antoine Bosquet, [https://www.academia.edu/390023/Cyberneticizing_the_American_War_Machine_Science_and_Computers_in_the_Cold_War “Cyberneticizing the American War Machine: Science and Computers in the Cold War”], p. 94 * This is the soldier brave enough to tell<br>The glory-dazzled world that "war is hell." ** [[Henry Van Dyke]], on the St. Gaudens' Statue of Gen. Sherman. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * It's really hard to talk about morality and war in the same sentence. In a war, there are so many questionable things done. Where was the morality in the bombing of Coventry, or the bombing of Dresden, or the Bataan Death March, or the Rape of Nanking, or the bombing of Pearl Harbor? I believe that when you're in a war, a nation must have the courage to do what it must to win the war with a minimum loss of lives. ** [[Theodore Van Kirk]], as quoted in [https://www.nytimes.com/1995/08/06/world/hiroshima-enola-gay-s-crew-recalls-the-flight-into-a-new-era.html?pagewanted=all "HIROSHIMA - Enola Gay's Crew Recalls The Flight Into a New Era"] (1995), ''The New York Times'' * [[Veterans for Peace]] knows that the U.S. is a nation addicted to war. At this time of uncertainty, it is critically important that we, as veterans, continue to be clear and concise that our nation must turn from war to diplomacy and peace. It is high time to unwind all these tragic, failed and unnecessary wars of aggression, domination and plunder. It is time to turn a page in history and to build a new world based on human rights, equality and mutual respect for all. We must build momentum toward real and lasting peace. Nothing less than the survival of human civilization is at stake. ** [https://www.veteransforpeace.org/our-work/position-statements/veterans-peace-statement-us-troops-withdrawal-syria? From ''Veterans For Peace Statement on Withdrawal of U.S. Troops from Syria,'' Full text online] (19 December 2018) * ''Arma virumque cano.'' ** Arms and the man I sing. ** [[Virgil]], ''[[w:Aeneid|Æneid]]'' (c. 29-19 BC), Book I, 1. * ''Quaeque ipse miserrima vidi<br>et quorum pars magna fui.'' ** I saw these terrible things,<br>and took great part in them. ** [[Virgil]], ''[[w:Aeneid|Æneid]]'' (c. 29-19 BC), trans. James H. Mantinband (1964), book II, lines 5–6, p. 25. This sentence has also been translated as: "All of which misery I saw, and a great part of which I was". Aeneas was describing the sack of [[Troy]]. * ''Una salus victis nullam sperare salutem.'' ** The only safety for the conquered is to expect no safety. ** [[Virgil]], ''[[w:Aeneid|Æneid]]'' (c. 29-19 BC), Book II, 354. * ''Dolus an virtus quis in hoste requirat?'' ** Who asks whether the enemy were defeated by strategy or valor? ** [[Virgil]], ''[[w:Aeneid|Æneid]]'' (c. 29-19 BC), Book II, 390. * ''Exigui numero, sed bello vivida virtus.'' ** Small in number, but their valor tried in war, and glowing. ** [[Virgil]], ''[[w:Aeneid|Æneid]]'' (c. 29-19 BC), Book V, 754. * ''Bella, horrida bella.'' ** Wars, horrible wars. ** [[Virgil]], ''[[w:Aeneid|Æneid]]'' (c. 29-19 BC), Book VI, 86. * ''Sævit amor ferri et scelerata insania belli.'' ** The love of arms and the mad wickedness of war are raging. ** [[Virgil]], ''[[w:Aeneid|Æneid]]'' (c. 29-19 BC), Book VII, 461. * ''Nullum cum victis certamen et æthere cassis.'' ** Brave men ne'er warred with the dead and vanquished. ** [[Virgil]], ''[[w:Aeneid|Æneid]]'' (c. 29-19 BC), Book XI, 104. * ''On dit que Dieu est toujours pour les gros bataillons.'' ** It is said that God is always on the side of the heaviest battalions. ** [[Voltaire]], letter to M. le Riche. Feb. 6, 1770. Earlier said by Marechal Jacques d'Étampes, marquis de la Ferté to Anne of Austria. See Boursault—Lettres Nouvelles, p. 384. (Ed. 1698). Attributed to General Moreau by Alison; to General Charles Lee, by Hawthorne—Life of Washington. == W == [[File:GeorgeWashington.jpg|thumb|To be prepared for war is onto the most effectual means of preserving peace. ~ [[George Washington]]]] [[File:INF3-17 Production of tanks Artist Terence Cuneo 1939-1946.jpg|thumb|If we don’t end war, war will end us.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;[[H. G. Wells]]}}]] [[File:Wellington at Waterloo Hillingford.jpg|thumb|Nothing except a battle lost can be half so melancholy as a battle won.<br>{{center|~&nbsp;''The Wellington—Despatch''}}]] * Why does the Air Force need expensive new bombers? Have the people we've been bombing over the years been complaining? **[[George Wallace]], as quoted in ''Absurdities, Scandals & Stupidities in Politics'' (2006) by Hakeem Shittu and Callie Query, p. 106. * On to Richmond. ** [[Fitz-Henry Warren]]. Used as a standing headline in the N. Y. Tribune, by Dana, June–July, 1861, before the McDowell campaign. * A great and lasting war can never be supported on this principle [patriotism] alone. It must be aided by a prospect of interest, or some reward. ** [[George Washington]], letter to John Banister. Valley Forge, April 21, 1778 * To be prepared for war is onto the most effectual means of preserving peace. ** [[George Washington]], as quoted in ''Writings of George Washington'', Fitzpatrick, ed. Vol. 30, p. 491, “First Annual Address to Congress,” January 8, 1790. * They went to war against a preamble, they fought seven years against a declaration. ** [[Daniel Webster]], speech on the Presidential Protest. May 17, 1834. * Up Guards and at 'em! ** Attributed to Wellington during the Battle of Waterloo. Denied by the Duke to Mr. Croker, in answer to a letter written March 14, 1852. "What I must have said, and possibly did say was, 'Stand up guards!' and then gave the order to attack." See J. W. Choker's Memoirs, p. 544. Also Sir Herbert Maxwell's Biography of Wellington. * Nothing except a battle lost can be half so melancholy as a battle won. ** Wellington—Despatch. (1815). Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * The battle of Waterloo was won on the playing field of Eton. ** Attributed to Wellington. "The battle of Waterloo was won here," was said by the Duke of Wellington when present at a cricket match at Eton. Prof. W. Selwyn—Waterloo, a Lay of Jubilee. (Second Ed.). * ''The War That Will End War''. ** [[H. G. Wells]], book title, 1914. While the phrase "The war to end war" is often associated with Woodrow Wilson, its authorship was claimed by Wells in an article in ''Liberty'' (December 29, 1934), p. 4. Bertrand Russell also credited Wells in ''Portraits from Memory'' (1956), p. 83. A cynical version attributed to David Lloyd George is: "This war, like the next war, is a war to end war". See William Safire, ''Safire's Political Dictionary'' (1978), p. 777, for contemporary uses of the phrase. * A time will come when a politician who has wilfully made war and promoted international dissension will be as sure of the dock and much surer of the noose than a private homicide. It is not reasonable that those who gamble with men's lives should not stake their own. ** [[H. G. Wells]], ''The Salvaging of Civilization'' (1921), chapter 1, conclusion, p. 40. * '''The atomic bomb had dwarfed the international issues to complete insignificance.''' When our minds wandered from the preoccupations of our immediate needs, we speculated upon the possibility of stopping the use of these frightful explosives before the world was utterly destroyed. For to us it seemed quite plain that these bombs and the still greater power of destruction of which they were the precursors might quite easily shatter every relationship and institution of mankind... war must end and that '''the only way to end war was to have but one government for mankind'''. :* [[H.G. Wells]] Ch. 3, Section 1 * The whole art of war consists in getting at what is on the other side of the hill. ** [[Arthur Wellesley, 1st Duke of Wellington]], Saying. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * '''If we don’t end war, war will end us.''' ** The character John Cabal in [[H. G. Wells]] in ''[[w:Things to Come|Things to Come]]'' (1936). * [[w:Urban warfare|Urban warfare]] remains characterized by slow, massive [[destruction]]. Yet 50 years ago, there were no [[computers]], no [[internet]], no [[w:GPS|GPS]], no [[w:UAVs|UAVs]], no digital communications, no night-vision devices, and no precision strikes. Two facts account for the lack of change in tactics. First, cities are constructed of [[steel]] and [[w:concrete|concrete]], with streets providing the open spaces, which are usually linear. Any fighter in the open is quickly cut down. No technology can accurately detect and count humans inside [[buildings]] and [[w:Tunnels|tunnels]]. So the attacker must advance by blasting through the sides of buildings and slowly, slowly search every room. Second, tens to hundreds of thousands of civilians can be trapped in the cities. The [[terrorists]] in [[w:Mosul|Mosul]] have prevented the civilians from leaving in order to use them as shields. ** Bing West, [https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2017/06/urban-warfare-hue-mosul/532173/ “Urban Warfare, Then and Now”], ''The Atlantic'', (Jun 30, 2017). * This new Katterfelto, his show to complete,<br>Means his boats should all sink as they pass by our fleet;<br>Then as under the ocean their course they steer right on,<br>They can pepper their foes from the bed of old Triton. ** [[Henry Kirke White]], ''The Wonderful Juggler'', anticipating the submarine, in Napoleon's day. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * ''War! What is it good for? Absolutely nothing! <br> There's got to be a better way <br> What is it good for? <br> War has caused unrest <br> Among the younger generation <br> Induction then destruction <br> Who wants to die? <br> ... <br> War-I despise <br> Because it means destruction <br> Of innocent lives <br> War means tears <br> To thousands of mothers how <br> When their sons go off to fight <br> And lose their lives <br> ... <br> It's an enemy of all mankind <br> No point of war <br> Because you're a man <br> ... <br> War has shattered <br> Many young men's dreams <br> We've got no place for it today <br> They say we must fight to keep our freedom <br> But Lord, there's just got to be a better way <br> It ain't nothing but a heartbreaker <br> '''Friend only to the undertaker''''' ** {{w|Norman Whitfield}} and {{w|Barrett Strong}}, ''[[w:War (The Temptations song)|War]]'', ''{{w|Psychedelic Shack}}'' (1969) ** ''Life is much to short and precious <br> To spend fighting wars these days <br> War can't give life <br> It can only take it away <br> ... <br> War, it ain't nothing but a heartbreaker <br> War, friend only to the undertaker <br> Peace, love and understanding <br> Tell me, is there no place for them today.'' *** {{w|Edwin Starr}} version, ''[[w:War (Edwin Starr song)|War]]'', ''[[w:War & Peace (Edwin Starr album)|War & Peace]]''. (1970) * Now we remember over here in Flanders,<br>(It isn't strange to think of You in Flanders!)<br> This hideous warfare seems to make things clear.<br>We never thought about You much in England,<br>But now that we are far away from England<br> We have no doubts, we know that You are here. ** Mrs. C. T. Whitnall—Christ in Flanders. First appeared in the London Spectator. Later in the Outlook. July 26, 1916. * We seemed to see our flag unfurled,<br> Our champion waiting in his place<br>For the last battle of the world,<br> The Armageddon of the race. ** [[John Greenleaf Whittier]], ''Rantoul''. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * As long as war is regarded as wicked it will always have its fascinations. When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be popular. ** [[Oscar Wilde]], ''Intentions''. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * I will die in the last ditch. (Dyke). ** William of Orange. Hume—History of England, Chapter XLIII. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * Germany's greatness makes it impossible for her to do without the ocean, but the ocean also proves that even in the distance, and on its farther side, without Germany and the German Emperor, no great decision dare henceforth be taken. ** [[Wilhelm II, German Emperor|William II]], the former German Emperor—Speech, July, 1900. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * Our German Fatherland to which I hope will be granted … to become in the future as closely united, as powerful, and as authoritative as once the Roman world-empire was, and that, just as in the old times they said, "Civis romanus sum," hereafter, at some time in the future, they will say, "I am a German citizen." ** William II, the former German Emperor—Speech, in Oct., 1900. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * Every bullet has its billet. ** King William III, according to Wesley—Journal, June 6, 1765. Also in Song by H. R. Bishop, sung in The Circassian Bride. Quoted by Sterne—Tristram Shandy, Volume VIII, Chapter XIX. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * It's a long way to Tipperary, it's a long way to go;<br>It's a long way to Tipperary, to the sweetest girl I know!<br>Good-bye to Piccadilly, Farewell Leicester Square;<br>It's a long way to Tipperary, but my Heart's right there! ** Harry Williams and Jack Judge—It's a Long Way to Tipperary. Popular in The Great War. Chorus claimed by Alice Smythe B. Jay. Written in 1908. See N. Y. Times, Sept. 20, 1907. * War is only a sort of dramatic representation, a sort of dramatic symbol of a thousand forms of duty. I fancy that it is just as hard to do your duty when men are sneering at you as when they are shooting at you. ** [[Woodrow Wilson]], speech, Brooklyn Navy Yard, May 11, 1914. * You have laid upon me this double obligation: "we are relying upon you, Mr. President, to keep us out of war, but we are relying upon you, Mr. President, to keep the honor of the nation unstained." ** [[Woodrow Wilson]], speech, At Cleveland. Jan. 29, 1916. * It is not an army that we must train for war; it is a nation. ** [[Woodrow Wilson]], speech, At dedication of a Red Cross Building, May 12, 1917. * In short, if newspapers were written by people whose sole object in writing was to tell the truth about politics and the truth about art we should not believe in war, and we should believe in art. ** [[Virginia Woolf]] in ''The Three Guineas''. * They came with banner, spear, and shield;<br>And it was proved in Bosworth field,<br>Not long the Avenger was withstood—<br>Earth help'd him with the cry of blood. ** [[William Wordsworth]], ''Song at the Feast of Brougham Castle'', Stanza 3. Last line probably taken from John Beaumont's Battle of Flodden Field. Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 841-60. * But Thy most dreaded instrument<br>In working out a pure intent,<br>Is man,—arrayed for mutual slaughter,—<br>Yea, Carnage is Thy daughter. ** [[William Wordsworth]], ''Poems dedicated to National Independence and Liberty'' (1815), Ode XLV. Suppressed in later editions. "But Man is thy most awful instrument, / In working out a pure intent; / Thou cloth'st the wicked in their dazzling mail, / And for thy righteous purpose they prevail." Version in later editions. * Everyone loses in war, even the winners. ** [[John C. Wright]], ''Orphans of Chaos'' (2005), Chapter 7, “Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea” Section 2 * War is murder, king-sized. ** [[John C. Wright]], ''Fugitives of Chaos'' (2006), Chapter 18, “Festive Days on the Slopes of Vesuvius” == Z == * As regards Providence, he cannot shake off the prejudice that in war, God is on the side of the big battalions, which at present are in the enemy's camp. ** [[Zeller]], ''Frederick the Great as Philosopher''. Referring to Œuvres de Frederic, XVIII. 186–188, the contents of a letter from Frederick to the Duchess of Gotha, about 1757. Carlyle gives the date of the letter as May 8, 1760, in his History of Frederick the Great, II, Book XIX, Volume V, p. 606. * Look, there is one statement that bothers me more than anything else, and that's the idea that when the troops are in combat everybody has to shut up. Imagine if we put troops in combat with a faulty rifle, and that rifle was malfunctioning and troops were dying as a result. I can't think anyone would allow that to happen, that would not speak up. Well, what's the difference between a faulty plan and strategy that's getting just as many troops killed? ** Gen. [[Anthony Zinni]], U.S. Marine Corps (Ret.), former [[w:CENTCOM|CENTCOM]] Commander-in-Chief, 2004-05-21, television interview on CBS's ''60 Minutes''. == Unknown authorship == * War is much too serious a matter to be entrusted to the military. ** Attributed to various Frenchmen including Talleyrand, Clemenceau, and Briand. Reported as unverified in ''Respectfully Quoted: A Dictionary of Quotations'' (1989). Often heard, "… entrusted to generals". * Months of boredom punctuated by moments of terror. ** Early appearance in ''The New York Times Current History of the European War'' ([https://books.google.com/books?id=50FIAQAAIAAJ&q=boredom%20punctuated%20by%20moments%20of%20terror&dq=boredom%20punctuated%20by%20moments%20of%20terror&hl=en&sa=X&ei=vVIaUcvoO5GO4gTb3YDwDQ&redir_esc=y 1915]) * It took me nearly a whole day to drive from Tokmak to the village of sonovka. I kept passing large Russian settlements on the road ... then Kirghiz villages completely ruined and razed literally to the ground - villages where, but three short years previously, there had been busy bazaars and farms surrounded with gardens and fields of luzerne. Now on every side a desert. It seemed incredible that it was possible in so short a time to wipe whole villages off the face of the earth, with their well-developed system of farming. It was only with the most attentive search that i could find the short stumps of their trees and remains of their irrigation canals. The destruction of the aryks or irrigation canals in this district quickly reduced a highly developed farming district into a desert and blotted out all traces of cultivation and settlement. Only in the water meadows and low-lying ground near the stream is any cultivation possible. ** Attributed to an observer of the aftermath of the [[w:Central Asian revolt of 1916|Central Asian revolt of 1916]] in 1919 in page 158 of ''The Revolt of 1916 in Russian Central Asia'' ==War quotations in fiction== [[File:Arlington_National_Cemetery_Seal.png|thumb|No, war is never inevitable. It must be the course of last resort. How great would be the guilt of an unnecessary war? ~ [[David McCullough|David McCullough]]]] [[File:White_Doves_at_the_Blue_Mosque_(5778806606).jpg|thumb|Make a [[w:War hawk|hawk]] a [[w:War dove|dove]], <br> Stop a war with [[love]], <br> Make a [[liar]] tell the [[truth]]. ~ [[w:Charles Fox |Charles Fox]]]] [[File:Delta-shield.svg|thumb|The Minstrel-Boy to the war is gone, <br> In the ranks of death you'll find him; <br> His father's sword he has girded on, <br> And his wild harp slung behind him. <br> "Land of song!" said the warrior-bard, <br> "Tho' all the world betrays thee, <br> One sword, at least, thy rights shall guard, <br> One faithful harp shall praise thee!" ~ [[Thomas Moore]]]] *'''[[James McHenry]]''': War is inevitable, sir. :'''[[John Adams]]''': No, war is never inevitable. It must be the course of last resort. How great would be the guilt of an unnecessary war? :* [[James McHenry]] as interpreted by [[w:Zak Orth|Zak Orth]] and [[John Adams]] as interpreted by [[w:Paul Giamatti|Paul Giamatti]] in ''[[w:John Adams (miniseries)|John Adams]]'', written by [[w:Kirk Ellis|Kirk Ellis]], "Part VI: Unnecessary War", (March 16 – April 27, 2008); based on the book by [[w:David McCullough|David McCullough]] * Make a [[w:War hawk|hawk]] a [[w:War dove|dove]], <br> Stop a war with [[love]], <br> Make a [[liar]] tell the [[truth]]. :* [[w:Charles Fox |Charles Fox]], [[w:Wonder Woman TV series|Wonder Woman TV series]], (November 7, 1975). * There are always casualties in war, gentlemen — otherwise it wouldn't be war. It'd just be a rather nasty argument with lots of pushing-and-shoving. ** [[w:Arnold_Rimmer|Arnold Rimmer]] in ''[[w:Red_Dwarf|Red Dwarf]]: [[w:Meltdown_(Red_Dwarf_episode)|Meltdown]]''. Rob Grant, Doug Naylor * Anyone who clings to the historically untrue — and thoroughly immoral — doctrine that 'violence never settles anything' I would advise to conjure up the ghosts of [[Napoleon Bonaparte]] and of the [[Arthur Wellesley, 1st Duke of Wellington|Duke of Wellington]] and let them debate it. The ghost of [[Adolf Hitler|Hitler]] could referee, and the jury might well be the [[Dodo]], the [[w:Great Auk|Great Auk]], and the [[w:Passenger Pigeon|Passenger Pigeon]]. Violence settled their fates quite nicely. Violence, naked force, has settled more issues in history than has any other factor, and the contrary opinion is wishful thinking at its worst. Breeds that forget this basic truth have always paid for it with their lives and freedoms. ** Mr. Dubois, ''[[Starship Troopers]]'', by [[Robert A. Heinlein]]. *'''[[w:James T. Kirk|Captain Kirk]]''': [[Death]], [[destruction]], [[disease]], [[horror]]. That's what war is all about, Anan. That's what makes it a thing to be avoided. You've made it [[neat]] and [[painless]]. So neat and painless, you've had no [[reason]] to stop it. :* Captain [[w:James T. Kirk|James T. Kirk]], as interpreted by [[William Shatner]] in "[[w:A Taste of Armageddon|A Taste of Armageddon]]", ''[[Star Trek: The Original Series|Star Trek]]'', story by [[w:Robert Hamner|Robert Hamner]]; teleplay by [[w:Gene L. Coon|Gene L. Coon]] & Robert Hamner; (February 23, 1967) *'''Spock''': Captain, you took a big [[chance]]. :'''Kirk''': Did I, Mister Spock? They've been [[killing]] three million people a year. It had been going on for five hundred years. An actual attack wouldn't have killed any more people than one of their [[computer]] attacks, but it would have ended their ability to make war. The [[fighting]] would have been over permanently. :'''McCoy''': But you didn't [[know]] that it would [[work]]. :'''Kirk''': No. It was a calculated [[risk]]. Still, the Eminians keep a very [[orderly]] [[society]], and actual war is a very messy [[business]]. '''A very, very messy business.''' I had a [[feeling]] that they would do anything to avoid it, even [[talk]] [[peace]]. :* "[[w:A Taste of Armageddon|A Taste of Armageddon]]", ''[[Star Trek: The Original Series|Star Trek]]'', story by [[w:Robert Hamner|Robert Hamner]]; teleplay by [[w:Gene L. Coon|Gene L. Coon]] & Robert Hamner; (February 23, 1967) * '''Luke''': I'm looking for a great warrior.<br>'''Yoda''': Great warrior. [Laughs] Wars not make one great. ** [[George Lucas]], Leigh Brackett, and Lawrence Kasdan, ''[[The Empire Strikes Back]]'' (1980). * What this war represents is a [[failure]] to listen. Now you're closer to the Chancellor than anyone, please, ask him to stop the fighting and let the [[diplomacy]] resume. ** [[George Lucas]] [[w:Padmé_Amidala|Padmé Amidala]] in ''[[w:Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith|Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith]]'' 2005. * Wars don't ennoble men, it turns them into dogs, poisons the soul. ** Terrence Malick Private Witt in ''[[The Thin Red Line (1998 film)|The Thin Red Line]]''. * Property, the whole thing's about property. ** Terrence Malick First Sergeant Welsh, ''The Thin Red Line''. * There's a beast in every man. And it awakens when you put a sword in his hand. ** [[George R. R. Martin]] Ser Jorah Mormont, ''[[Game of Thrones]]''. * War makes thieves of many honest folk. ** Tom O'Sevens, in George R.R. Martin, ''[[A Song of Ice and Fire#A Storm of Swords|A Storm of Swords]]'', Chapter Arya (I) * The Minstrel-Boy to the war is gone, <br> In the ranks of death you'll find him; <br> His father's sword he has girded on, <br> And his wild harp slung behind him. <br> "Land of song!" said the warrior-bard, <br> "Tho' all the world betrays thee, <br> One sword, at least, thy rights shall guard, <br> One faithful harp shall praise thee!" ** [[Thomas Moore]], ''[[w:The Minstrel Boy|The Minstrel Boy]]'', verse 1; ''Irish Melodies'', (1813) * Once that first bullet goes past your head, politics and all that shit just goes right out the window. ** Ken Nolan Sergeant First Class Norm "Hoot" Gibson, ''[[Black Hawk Down]]''. * When I go home, people ask me: "Hey Hoot, why do you do it man? Why? You some kinda war junkie?", I won't say a god damn word. Why? They won't understand. They won't understand why we do it. They won't understand it's about the men next to you. And that's it. That's all it is. ** Ken Nolan Sergeant First Class Norm "Hoot" Gibson, ''Black Hawk Down''. * With every man I kill, the farther away from home I feel. ** Robert Rodat, Captain John Miller, ''[[Saving Private Ryan]]''. * I think now, looking back, we did not fight the enemy; we fought ourselves. The enemy was in us. The war is over for me now, but it will always be there, the rest of my days. As I'm sure Elias will be, fighting with Barnes for what Rhah called "possession of my soul." There are times since, I've felt like a child, born of those two fathers. But be that as it may, those of us who did make it have an obligation to build again. To teach to others what we know, and to try with what's left of our lives to find a goodness and a meaning to this life. ** [[Oliver Stone]], Chris Taylor, ''[[Platoon]]''. * If '''you''' are not affected, if '''you''' are not hurt by what we do, then '''you''' will not do anything to stop it. The war will simply continue. As long as it is just the soldiers, these barbaric men with guns who kill each other, as long as the damage is far away, the destruction and death out of your sight, then no amount of hand wringing and moral outrage will make it end. If '''you''' are affected, if your farms, your crops are destroyed, your neat buildings in your perfect towns burned to the ground, then there will be a reason to stop this. War is not tidy, it is not convenient, it is '''everywhere.''' It has to be felt by '''everyone.''' War '''is''' hell. ** General [[William Tecumseh Sherman]] from the [[w:Jeff Shaara|Jeff Shaara]] novel ''[[w:The Last Full Measure|The Last Full Measure]]''. * A story. A man fires a rifle for many years. and he goes to war. And afterwards he comes home, and he sees that whatever else he may do with his life - build a house, love a woman, change his son's diaper - he will always remain a jarhead. And all the jarheads killing and dying, they will always be me. We are still in the desert. ** Anthony Swofford, ''[[Jarhead]]''. [[File:Alvim-correa12.jpg|thumb|200px|And before we [[judge]] of them too harshly we must remember what ruthless and utter [[destruction]] our own species has wrought, not only upon [[animals]], such as the vanished [[w:Bison|bison]] and the [[w:Dodo|dodo]], but upon its inferior [[races]]. The [[w:Aboriginal Tasmanians|Tasmanian]]s, in spite of their [[human]] likeness, were entirely swept out of existence in a war of extermination waged by [[European]] [[immigrants]], in the space of fifty years. Are we such [[apostles]] of [[mercy]] as to [[complain]] if the [[w:Mars in fiction|Martians]] warred in the same [[spirit]]? ~ [[H.G. Wells]] ]] * We few, we happy few, we band of brothers: for he today that sheds his blood with me shall be my brother. ** King Henry, in ''[[Henry V (play)|King Henry V]]'', act 4 scene 3, [[William Shakespeare]] *'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]'': Of course you realize, this means war! * [[w:Tedd Pierce|Tedd Pierce]], ''[[w:Merrie Melodies|Merrie Melodies]]'', "[[w:Case of the Missing Hare|Case of the Missing Hare]]", ''[[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]]'' (December 12, 1942). * In God's name, march: True hope is swift, and flies with swallow's wings: Kings it makes gods, and meaner creatures kings. ** [[Richard III (play)|Richard III]], act 5 scene 2, by [[William Shakespeare]] * If we be conquered, let men conquer us, and not these bastard Bretons; whom our fathers have in their own land beaten, bobb'd, and thump'd, and in record, left them the heirs of shame. Shall these enjoy our lands? lie with our wives? Ravish our daughters? ** Richard III, act 5 scene 3, by [[William Shakespeare]] * If you need to stop an [[w:Asteroid|asteroid]], you call [[Superman]]. If you need to solve a [[mystery]], you call [[Batman]]. But if you need to end a [[war]], you call [[Wonder Woman]]. ** [[w:Gail Simone|Gail Simone]], ''Wonder Woman'', vol.3 {{fact}} * It's all an accident, an accident of hands. Mine, others, all without mind, from one extreme to another, but neither works nor will ever. Yet we stand here in the middle of no man's land. ** Sergeant Steiner considers the causes of WW2's eastern front as he releases a young Russian soldier, ''[[Cross of Iron]]''. * You do not want a war. You have seen violence, you have suffered loss. But you have seen nothing of war. War is not just the business of death. It is the antithesis of life. Hope tortured and flayed, reason dismembered, grinning at its limbs in its lap. Decency raped to death. ** [[Joss Whedon]] Urrkon of the D'avvrus, in ''Fray''. * And before we [[judge]] of them too harshly we must remember what ruthless and utter [[destruction]] our own species has wrought, not only upon [[animals]], such as the vanished [[w:Bison|bison]] and the [[w:Dodo|dodo]], but upon its inferior [[races]]. The [[w:Aboriginal Tasmanians|Tasmanian]]s, in spite of their [[human]] likeness, were entirely swept out of existence in a war of extermination waged by [[European]] [[immigrants]], in the space of fifty years. Are we such [[apostles]] of [[mercy]] as to [[complain]] if the [[w:Mars in fiction|Martians]] warred in the same [[spirit]]? ** [[H.G. Wells]] ''The War of the Worlds'', Book I, Ch. 1: The Eve of the War * The problem with gun runners going to war, is that there is no shortage of ammunition. ** Simeon Weisz, ''[[Lord of War]]''. ==See also== {{col-begin}} {{col-2}} * [[Anti-war movement]] * [[Disarmament]] * [[Just war theory]] * [[Military]] * [[Military-industrial complex]] * [[Nuclear war]] * [[Pacifism]] * [[Peace]] {{col-2}} * [[The Pentagon]] * [[Soldiers]] * [[Violence]] * [[War and peace]] * [[War of aggression]] * [[War crimes]] * [[Weapons]] {{col-end}} * [[William Shakespeare quotes about war|Shakespeare quotes about war]] * [[:Category:Wars and battles]] {{Social and political philosophy}} ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{wiktionary|war}} {{wikisource portal|Wars}} {{Commons}} [[Category:War| ]] al73k00nso0xttr6gsstzqfmi6k0krk 0 126566 3778844 3716855 2025-07-14T20:19:22Z ᘙ 3105225 /* G */ 3778844 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Muslim_Prayer_Beads.jpg|thumb|right|If the one who offers prayer [[knew]] how much [[divine]] [[mercy]] is descending upon him, he would surely not raise his [[head]] from [[w:Sujud|prostration]]. ~ [[Ali]]]] [[File:Bonndorf Fahne1.JPG|thumb|I will pray with my [[spirit]], but I will pray with my [[mind]] also. ~ [[Paul of Tarsus]]]] [[File:Christianity-Jesus Christ Died for your Sin.jpg|thumb|right|To attribute the efficacy of prayers or of sacramental signs to their mere external performance, apart from the interior dispositions they demand, is to fall into superstition. ~ [[Catechism of the Catholic Church]]]] [[File:Sri Lanka Photo051.jpg|thumb|The Buddha does not grant favors to those who pray to Him. Instead of petitional prayers there is [[meditation]] that leads to self-control, purification and enlightenment. ... A Buddhist should not pray to be saved, but should rely on himself and win his freedom. ~ [[Narada Maha Thera]]]] [[File:Ring48.jpg|thumb|right|To [[feel]] the supreme and moving [[beauty]] of the spectacle to which [[Nature]] invites her ephemeral guests! … that is what I call prayer. ~ [[Claude Debussy]] ]] [[File:Ejsmond The Anchorite.jpg|thumb|Just to be is a [[blessing]]. Just to live is holy. And yet being alive is no answer to the problems of living. To be or not to be is not the question. The vital question is: how to be and how not to be? ... To pray is to recollect ''passionately'' the perpetual urgency of this vital question. ~ [[Abraham Joshua Heschel]]]] [[File:Lords Prayer 2020-06-20 087.jpg|thumb| Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation; but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory, for ever and ever. ]] [[File:Youth praying.jpg|thumb|Give us courage and gaiety and the quiet mind.]] [[File:Praying Knight Equestrian Sculpture by Cyrus Dallin at Cambridge Ringe and Latin High School.jpg|thumb|Lord, make me a channel of your peace.<br>Where there is hatred, let me bring love.<br>Where there is offense, forgiveness.<br>Where there is discord, reconciliation. ~ [[Serenity Prayer|Prayer for Serenity]]]] [[File:Albrecht Dürer Betende Hände.jpg|thumb|right|Prayer invites the [[Eternal]] Presence to suffuse or [[spirits]] and let [[God]]'s will prevail in our lives. ~ ''[[w:Shaarei Tefillah|Shaarei Tefillah]]'']] '''[[w:Prayer|Prayer]]''' is the act of attempting to communicate, commonly with a sequence of words, with a deity or spirit for the purpose of worshipping, requesting guidance, requesting assistance, confessing sins, as an act of reparation or to express one's thoughts and emotions. The words of the prayer may take the form of intercession, a hymn, incantation or a spontaneous utterance in the person's praying words. Secularly, the term can also be used in referring to "[[hope]]". __NOTOC__ {{TOCalpha|''[[#Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations|Hoyt's&nbsp;New&nbsp;Cyclopedia&nbsp;Of&nbsp;Practical&nbsp;Quotations]]'' · ''[[#Dictionary of Burning Words of Brilliant Writers (1895)|Dictionary of Burning Words of Brilliant Writers]]'' · ''[[#Respectfully Quoted: A Dictionary of Quotations (1989)|Respectfully Quoted]]''}} ==A== * '''If the one who offers prayer knew how much divine mercy is descending upon him, he would surely not raise his head from prostration.''' ** [[Ali]], ''Ghurar al-Hikam wa Durar al-Kalim (Exalted Aphorisms And Pearls Of Speech)''. p. 710. Translated by Tahir Ridha Jaffer. Ansariyan Publications - Qum (2012). * Let [[gratitude]] be the pillow upon which you kneel to say your nightly prayer. And let [[faith]] be the bridge you build to overcome [[evil]] and welcome [[good]]. ** [[Maya Angelou]], ''Celebrations: Rituals of Peace and Prayer'' (2006) *But the reason why prayer is necessary for obtaining something from a man is not the same as the reason for its necessity when there is question of obtaining a favor from God. Prayer is addressed to man, first, to lay bare - the desire and the need of the petitioner, and secondly, to incline the mind of him to whom the prayer is addressed to grant the petition. These purposes have no place in the prayer that is sent up to God. When we pray we do not intend to manifest our needs or desires to God, for He knows all things. The Psalmist says to God: “Lord, all my desire is before You” (Psalm 37:10); and in the Gospel we are told: “Your Father knows that you have need of all these things” (Matt. 6:32). Again, the will of God is not influenced by human words to will what He had previously not willed. For, as we read in Numbers 23:19, “God is not a man, that He should lie, nor as the son of man, that He should be changed”; nor is God moved to repentance, as we are assured in 1 Samuel 15:29. Prayer, then, for obtaining something from God is necessary for man on account of the very one who prays, that he may reflect on his shortcomings and may turn his mind to desiring fervently and piously what he hopes to gain by his petition. In this way he is rendered fit to receive the favor. Yet a further difference between the prayer offered to God and that addressed to man is to be marked. Prayer addressed to a man presupposes a certain intimacy that may afford the petitioner an opportunity to present his request. But when we pray to God, the very prayer we send forth makes us intimate with Him, inasmuch as our soul is raised up to God and converses with Him in spiritual affection, and adores Him in spirit and truth. The familiar affection thus experienced in prayer begets an inducement in the petitioner to pray again with yet greater confidence. And so we read in Psalm 16:6: “I have cried to You,” that is, in trusting prayer, “for You, O God, have heard me”; as though, after being admitted to intimacy in the first prayer, the Psalmist cries out with all the greater confidence in the second. :For this reason, in prayer to God, perseverance or repetition of our supplication is not unseemly, but is regarded as acceptable to God. Indeed, “we ought always to pray and not to faint,” as we learn from Luke 18: 1. Our Lord, too, invites us to pray, for He said: “Ask, and it shall be given you... knock, and it shall be opened to you” (Matt. 7:7). But in prayer addressed to man, persistence in begging becomes irritating. **Saint [[Thomas Aquinas]], [[w:Doctor of the Church|Doctor of the Church]], ''[[w:it:Compendium Theologiae|Compendium Theologiae]]'', [https://isidore.co/aquinas/english/Compendium.htm Ch. 236 - The Resurrection of Christ] ==B== * The most acceptable prayer is the one offered with the utmost spirituality and radiance; its prolongation hath not been and is not beloved by God. The more detached and the purer the prayer, the more acceptable is it in the presence of God. ** [[Báb]], ''{{w|Persian Bayán}}'', VII, 19 * Prayer is the [[spirit]] speaking truth to [[Truth]]. ** [[Philip James Bailey]], ''Festus'' (1813), scene Elsewhere. * Men may spurn our appeals, reject our message, oppose our arguments, despise our persons, but they are helpless against our prayers. ** [[J. Sidlow Baxter]], Reported in Charlie Jones, Bob Kelly, ''The Tremendous Power of Prayer'' (2000) p. 46. * PRAY, ''v.'' To ask that the laws of the [[universe]] be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner, confessedly unworthy. ** [[Ambrose Bierce]], ''The Devil's Dictionary'' (1911). * God shapes the world by prayer. ** [[Edward McKendree Bounds]] ''Purpose in Prayer'' (1920), p. 9. * Apostolic preaching cannot be carried on unless there be apostolic prayer. ** [[Edward McKendree Bounds]], ''The Weapon of Prayer''. * In prayerful sympathy and love. Hold to the old truth -- double distilled. ** [[Edward McKendree Bounds]], Last card to Homer W. Hodge, dated [[26 June]] [[1913]]. * [[God]] answers sharp and sudden on some prayers,<br>And thrusts the thing we have prayed for in our face,<br>A gauntlet with a gift in 't. ** [[Elizabeth Barrett Browning]], ''Aurora Leigh'' (1856), Book II. * Every wish<br>Is like a prayer — with God. ** [[Elizabeth Barrett Browning]], ''Aurora Leigh'' (1856), Book II. * [[Hope]], he called, [[belief]]<br>In [[God]], — [[work]], [[worship]] * * * therefore let us pray! ** [[Elizabeth Barrett Browning]], ''Aurora Leigh'' (1856), Book III. * There are, O [[w:Householder (Buddhism)|householder]], five desirable, pleasant, and agreeable things which are rare in the world. What are those five? They are long life, beauty, happiness, fame and (rebirth in) a heaven. But of those five things, O householder, I do no teach that they are to be obtained by prayer or by vows. ** [[Gautama Buddha]], [[Anguttara Nikaya]] 5.43 * For a noble disciple, O [[w:Householder (Buddhism)|householder]], who wishes to have long life, it is not befitting that he should pray for long life or take delight in so doing. He should rather follow a path of life that is conducive to longevity. ** [[Gautama Buddha]], [[Anguttara Nikaya]] 5.43 * All my life I have prayed, and all my life I have been refused answer. I scarcely believed in the gods anymore, or if I did, it was only to curse them for their indifference. They betrayed my father, who had served Them loyally all his life. They betrayed my mother, or They were powerless to save her, which was as bad or worse. If a god has come to me, He certainly hasn’t come ''for'' me! ** [[Lois McMaster Bujold]], ''The Hallowed Hunt'' (2005), Chapter 6 ==C== * When the mind is not dissipated upon extraneous things, nor diffused over the world about us through the senses, it withdraws within itself, and of its own accord ascends to the contemplation of God. ** [[Basil of Caesarea]], Letter to [[w:Gregory of Nazianzus|Gregory]], ''Saint Basil: The Letters'', R. Deferrari, trans. (1926), vol. 1, p. 15. * We must resist wandering thoughts in prayer. Raising our hands reminds us that we need to raise up our minds to God, setting aside all irrelevant thoughts. ** [[John Calvin]], Book III Ch. 20 First Rule, para. 1 and 2. *Some one will say, Does he not know without a monitor both what our difficulties are, and what is meet for our interest, so that it seems in some measure superfluous to solicit him by our prayers, as if he were winking, or even sleeping, until aroused by the sound of our voice? Those who argue thus attend not to the end for which the Lord taught us to pray. It was not so much for his sake as for ours. ... It is very much for our interest to be constantly supplicating him; first, that our heart may always be inflamed with a serious and ardent desire of seeking, loving and serving him, while we accustom ourselves to have recourse to him as a sacred anchor in every necessity; secondly, that no desires, no longing whatever, of which we are ashamed to make him the witness, may enter our minds, while we learn to place all our wishes in his sight, and thus pour out our heart before him; and, lastly, that we may be prepared to receive all his benefits with true gratitude and thanksgiving, while our prayers remind us that they proceed from his hand. ** [[John Calvin]], ''[[Institutes of the Christian Religion]]'', Book 3, Chapter 20, Section 3 (1536) * Let the first rule of right prayer then be, to have our heart and mind framed as becomes those who are entering into converse with God. This we shall accomplish in regard to the mind, if, laying aside carnal thoughts and cares which might interfere with the direct and pure contemplation of God, it not only be wholly intent on prayer, but also, as far as possible, be borne and raised above itself. ... When I say it must be raised above itself, I mean that it must not bring into the presence of God any of those things which our blind and stupid reason is wont to devise, nor keep itself confined within the little measure of its own vanity, but rise to a purity worthy of God. ** [[John Calvin]], ''[[Institutes of the Christian Religion]]'', Book 3, Chapter 20, Section 4 (1536) * The ceremony of lifting up our hands in prayer is designed to remind us that we are far removed from God, unless our thoughts rise upward. ** [[John Calvin]], ''[[Institutes of the Christian Religion]]'', Book 3, Chapter 20, Section 5 (1536) * Can we suppose anything more hateful or even more execrable to God than this fiction of asking the pardon of sins, while he who asks at the very time either thinks that he is not a sinner, or, at least, is not thinking that he is a sinner; in other words, a fiction by which God is plainly held in derision? ** [[John Calvin]], ''[[Institutes of the Christian Religion]]'', Book 3, Chapter 20, Section 6 (1536) * He who comes into the presence of God to pray must divest himself of all vainglorious thoughts, lay aside all idea of worth; in short, discard all self- confidence, humbly giving God the whole glory, lest by arrogating any thing, however little, to himself, vain pride cause him to turn away his face. ** [[John Calvin]], ''[[Institutes of the Christian Religion]]'', Book 3, Chapter 20, Section 8 (1536) * As our blessed Lord has required us to pray that his kingdom may come, and his will be done on earth as it is in heaven, it becomes us not only to express our desires of that event by words, but to use every lawful method to spread the knowledge of his name. In order to this, it is necessary that we should become, in some measure acquainted with the religious state of the world; and as this is an object we should be prompted to pursue, not only by the gospel of our Redeemer, but even by the feelings of humanity, so an inclination to conscientious activity therein would form one of the strongest proofs that we are the subjects of grace, and partakers of that spirit of universal benevolence and genuine philanthropy, which appear so eminent in the character of God himself. ** [[William Carey (missionary)|William Carey]], [http://ia700108.us.archive.org/5/items/anenquiryintothe11449gut/11449-h/11449-h.htm ''An Enquiry into the Obligations of Christians to Use Means for the Conversion of the Heathens'' (1792)], Introduction * The most glorious works of grace that have ever took place, have been in answer to prayer; and it is in this way, we have the greatest reason to suppose, that the glorious out-pouring of the Spirit, which we expect at last, will be bestowed. ** [[William Carey (missionary)|William Carey]], ''An Enquiry into the Obligations of Christians'' (1792), Sect. V : ''An Enquiry into the Duty of Christians in general, and what Means ought to be used, in order to promote this Work.'' * Many can do nothing but pray, and prayer is perhaps the only thing in which Christians of all denominations can cordially, and unreservedly unite; but in this we may all be one, and in this the strictest unanimity ought to prevail. Were the whole body thus animated by one soul, with what pleasure would Christians attend on all the duties of religion, and with what delight would their ministers attend on all the business of their calling. <br>We must not be contented however with praying, without ''exerting ourselves in the use of means'' for the obtaining of those things we pray for. ''Were the children of light'', but ''as wise in their generation as the children of this world'', they would stretch every nerve to gain so glorious a prize, nor ever imagine that it was to be obtained in any other way. ** [[William Carey (missionary)|William Carey]], ''An Enquiry into the Obligations of Christians'' (1792), Sect. V : ''An Enquiry into the Duty of Christians in general, and what Means ought to be used, in order to promote this Work.'' * Suppose your prayers aren't answered. What do you say? "Well, it's God's will." "Thy will be done." Fine, but if it's God's will, and He's going to do what He wants to anyway, why the fuck bother praying in the first place? Seems like a big waste of time to me! Couldn't you just skip the praying part and go right to His will? It's all very confusing. ** [[George Carlin]], ''You Are All Diseased'' (1999). * I noticed that all the prayers I used to offer to God, and all the prayers I now offer to [[w:Joe Pesci|Joe Pesci]], are being answered at about the same 50% rate. Half the time I get what I want, half the time I don't. Same as God, 50-50. Same as the four-leaf clover and the horseshoe, the wishing well and the rabbit's foot, same as the Mojo Man, same as the Voodoo Lady who tells you your fortune by squeezing the goat's testicles, it's all the same: 50-50. So just pick your superstition, sit back, make a wish, and enjoy yourself. ** [[George Carlin]], ''You Are All Diseased'' (1999). * To attribute the efficacy of prayers or of sacramental signs to their mere external performance, apart from the interior dispositions they demand, is to fall into superstition. ** [[Catechism of the Catholic Church]] (1992), § 2111. * Can a little speck in the vast universe truly address the Infinite? The answer is that Prayer is precisely what converts that little speck into an entity of inestimable and cosmic significance. ** [[Jeffrey Cohen]], ''Following the Synagogue Service'', Chapter III, p. 23, Gnesia Publications, 1997, {{ISBN|0-946000-01-8}} * He prayeth best who [[loveth]] best<br>[[All]] things, both great and small. ** [[Samuel Taylor Coleridge]], ''The Rime of the Ancient Mariner'' (1798; 1817), Part VII. * He prayeth well who loveth well<br>Both man and bird and beast. ** [[Samuel Taylor Coleridge]], ''The Rime of the Ancient Mariner'' (1798; 1817), Part VII. ==D== * To feel the supreme and moving [[beauty]] of the spectacle to which [[Nature]] invites her ephemeral guests! … that is what I call prayer. ** [[Claude Debussy]], quoted in ''Claude Debussy: His Life and Works'' (1933) by Léon Vallas. * People in intolerable circumstances will pray to anything. Truly, there are no atheists in foxholes: the men there pray to the bombs that they may land somewhere else. ** [[w:Thomas M. Disch|Thomas M. Disch]], ''The Roaches'' (1965), reprinted in [[w:Peter Haining (author)|Peter Haining]] (ed.), ''The Flying Sorcerers'' (1998), <small> {{ISBN|0-441-00577-2}}, </small> p. 127 * Every third-grader knows that prayer is the lifting up of one's mind and heart to God. But there are many ways of lifting. It begins with vocal prayer, the one all of us are so familiar with. It goes on to mental prayer and meditation, a prayer that all too many people are ''unfamiliar'' with. This "lifting" also includes the prayer of silence, the prayer of the heart, contemplative prayer, unknown to still more people. ** [[Catherine Doherty]], ''The Gospel Without Compromise'' (Notre Dame, Indiana: Ave Maria Press, 1976), p. 115. * The man who prays in secret is far more likely to be sincere than he who loves to pray standing in the street, or in the great congregation. ** Madison Washington in ''{{w|The Heroic Slave}}'' by [[Frederick Douglass]], published in ''Autographs for Freedom'', edited by {{w|Julia Griffiths}}, Cleveland: {{w|John P. Jewett & Company}}, 1853 == E== [[File:Ernst Hildebrand Verzweiflung 1885.jpg|thumb|First pray for the gift of tears, so that through sorrowing you may tame what is savage in your soul. And having confessed your transgressions to the Lord, you will obtain forgiveness from Him. ~ [[Evagrios the Solitary]]]] * In memorizing the prayer, it may be helpful to remind yourself that you are not addressing some extraterrestrial being outside you. The kingdom of heaven is within us, and the Lord is enshrined in the depths of our own consciousness. In this prayer we are calling deep into ourselves, appealing to the spark of the divine that is our real nature. ** [[Eknath Easwaran]], ''God Makes the Rivers Flow'' (1982), p. 184. * Prayer that craves a particular commodity, — any thing less than all good, — is vicious. ** [[Ralph Waldo Emerson]], “Self-Reliance”. * First pray for the gift of tears, so that through sorrowing you may tame what is savage in your soul. And having confessed your transgressions to the Lord, you will obtain forgiveness from Him. ** [[Evagrios the Solitary]], ''On Prayer: One Hundred and Fifty-Three Texts'', #5, in ''[[Philokalia]]'', as translated and edited by G. E. H. Palmer, Philip Sherrard and Kallistos Ware (1979) *When praying on behalf of Pharaoh to remove the plague of hail from him, Moses went out of the town to do so (Exod. 9. 20), because he would not pray in the midst of the idols and abominations that polluted the place and rendered it unfit for prayer to the throne of mercy. He went into the open, pure air of God to pray to God. ** ''{{w|Exodus Rabbah}} 12'', ''[http://www.sacred-texts.com/jud/tmm/tmm07.htm Tales and Maxims from the Midrash]'' by Rev. Samuel Rapaport, (1907), p. 94-95 * [[King David|David]] advisedly calls one of his [[Psalms|Psalms]] (Psalm 90) 'A prayer of Moses, the man of God,' and another Psalm (Psalm 102) he names 'A prayer of the afflicted,' to convey to us the truth that the prayer of the greatest and of the most humble of men, that of the richest and that of the poorest, of the slave and of the master, are equal before God. : Prayers should be said in common, master and man mistress and maid, rich and poor together, for all are equal before God. :* ''{{w|Exodus Rabbah}} 21'', ''[http://www.sacred-texts.com/jud/tmm/tmm07.htm Tales and Maxims from the Midrash]'' by Rev. Samuel Rapaport, (1907), p. 99 * If your hands are stained by dishonesty, your prayers will be polluted and impure, and an offence to Him to whom you direct them. Do not pray at all before you have your hands purified from every dishonest act. ** ''{{w|Exodus Rabbah}} 22'', ''[http://www.sacred-texts.com/jud/tmm/tmm07.htm Tales and Maxims from the Midrash]'' by Rev. Samuel Rapaport, (1907), p. 100 * God requires but earnest prayer and a penitent heart. <br> Israel was redeemed from Egypt in answer to prayer. Joshua became a conqueror because of his prayer; in the days of the judges help was obtained by prayer; Samuel's help for his people was granted in reply to prayer. **''{{w|Exodus Rabbah}} 38'' ''[http://www.sacred-texts.com/jud/tmm/tmm07.htm Tales and Maxims from the Midrash]'' by Rev. Samuel Rapaport, (1907), p. 105-106 ==F== * Reader, pray that soon this Iron Age<br>Will crumble, and [[Beauty]] escape the rusting cage. ** [[Philip José Farmer]], in "Beauty in This Iron Age" in ''Starlanes'' #11 (Fall 1953); re-published in ''Pearls From Peoria'' (2006). * He kneels and prays to heaven but nothing happens. ** [[Jeffrey Ford]], ''The Delicate,'' reprinted in ''The Fantasy Writer's Assistant'' (2002), <small> {{ISBN|1-930846-10-X}}, </small> p. 160 * I used to think that prayer should have the first place and teaching the second. I now feel that it would be truer to give prayer the first, second and third place, and teaching the fourth. ** [[James O. Fraser]] 1922 in Geraldine Taylor, ''Behind the Ranges: The Life-changing Story of J.O. Fraser'', Singapore: OMF International (IHQ) Ltd., 1998, 269. ==G== * Prayer is not an asking. It is a longing of the soul. It is a daily admission of one's weakness. ** [[Mahatma Gandhi]] in ''Young India'' (23 September 1926). * In spite of [[despair]] staring me in the face on the political horizon, I have never lost my [[peace]]. In fact, I have found people who [[envy]] my peace. That peace, I tell you, comes from ''prayer''; I am not a man of learning, but I humbly claim to be a man of prayer. I am indifferent as to the form. Every one is a [[law]] unto himself in that respect. But there are some well-marked roads, and it is safe to walk along the beaten tracks, trod by the ancient [[teachers]]. Well, I have given my personal testimony. Let every one try and find that as a result of daily prayer, he adds some thing new to his life, something which nothing can be compared. ** [[Mahatma Gandhi]] in ''Young India'' (24 September 1931), also in [http://www.archive.org/details/teachingsofmahat029222mbp ''Teachings Of Mahatma Gandhi'' (1945), edited by Jag Parvesh Chander, p. 457]. * Supplication, worship, prayer are no superstition; they are acts more real than the acts of eating, drinking, sitting or walking. It is no exaggeration to say that they alone are real. ** [[Mahatma Gandhi]], quoted in ''The Ways and Power of Love: Types, Factors, and Techniques of Moral Transformation'' (2002) by Pitirim Aleksandrovich Sorokin, Ch. 18: The Techniques of Altruistic Transformation (''concluded''), p. 339. * Prayer needs no speech. I have not the slightest doubt that prayer is an unfailing means of cleansing the heart of passions. But it must be combined with the utmost humility. **[[Mahatma Gandhi]], quoted in ''The Ways and Power of Love: Types, Factors, and Techniques of Moral Transformation'' (2002) by Pitirim Aleksandrovich Sorokin, Ch. 18: The Techniques of Altruistic Transformation (''concluded''), p. 339. *A prayerful heart is the vehicle and service makes the heart prayerful. **[[Mahatma Gandhi]], quoted in [[Arun Shourie]], ''Preparing: For Death.'' Penguin Random House India Private Limited, 2020. ISBN 935305978X, ISBN 9789353059781 [[File:Sagaing, Sun U Ponya Shin 04.jpg|thumb|Do not [[complain]] and cry and [[pray]], but open your eyes and [[see]], for the [[light]] is all about you, and it is so [[wonderful]], so beautiful, so far beyond anything of which men have ever dreamt, for which they have ever prayed, and it is for ever and for ever. ~ [[Gautama Buddha]]]] *Do not [[complain]] and cry and [[pray]], but open your eyes and [[see]], for the [[light]] is all about you, and it is so [[wonderful]], so beautiful, so far beyond anything of which men have ever dreamt, for which they have ever prayed, and it is for ever and for ever. **[[Gautama Buddha]], quoted by [[Charles Webster Leadbeater]], in [[The Masters and the Path|''The Masters and the Path'']] (1925) p. 229 * Nothing fails like prayer. ** Attributed to Anne Nicol Gaylor in {{w|Dan Barker}}, ''The Good Atheist'' (2011), p. 98. * The feeble prayer which a sick person can offer himself is infinitely better than all the prayers offered for him by others. ** ''{{w|Genesis Rabbah}} 53'', ''[http://www.sacred-texts.com/jud/tmm/tmm07.htm Tales and Maxims from the Midrash]'' by Rev. Samuel Rapaport, (1907), p.81 * When {{w|Rebecca}} left her parents' house they blessed her, and prayed that she might be the mother of millions of people (Gen. 24. 60). Yet she was barren till she herself and Isaac supplicated the Lord. Hence we see that it makes a difference who offers prayers.--Gen. Rabba 60. ** ''{{w|Genesis Rabbah}} 60'', ''[http://www.sacred-texts.com/jud/tmm/tmm07.htm Tales and Maxims from the Midrash]'' by Rev. Samuel Rapaport, (1907), p.81-82 * At church, with meek and unaffected [[grace]],<br>His looks adorn'd the venerable place;<br>[[Truth]] from his lips prevailed with double sway,<br>And [[fools]], who came to scoff, remain'd to pray. ** [[Oliver Goldsmith]], ''The Deserted Village'' (1770), line 177. *'''From''' the point of Light within the Mind of God * Let light stream forth into the minds of men. * Let Light descend on Earth. <br> * '''From''' the point of Love within the Heart of God * Let love stream forth into the hearts of men. * May Christ return to Earth.<br> * '''From''' the centre where the Will of God is known * Let purpose guide the little wills of men – * The purpose which the Masters know and serve. <br> * '''From''' the centre which we call the race of men * Let the Plan of Love and Light work out * And may it seal the door where evil dwells.<BR> * '''Let''' Light and Love and Power restore the Plan on Earth. **[[The Great Invocation]] * '''For beginners prayer is like a joyous fire kindled in the heart; for the perfect it is like a vigorous sweet-scented light.''' Or again, prayer is the preaching of the Apostles, an action of faith or, rather, faith itself, 'that makes real for us the things for which we hope' (Heb. 11:1), active love, angelic impulse, the power of the bodiless spirits, their work and delight, the Gospel of God, the heart's assurance, hope of salvation, a sign of purity, a token of holiness, knowledge of God, baptism made manifest, purification in the water of regeneration, a pledge of the Holy Spirit, the exultation of Jesus, the soul's delight, God's mercy, a sign of reconciliation, the seal of Christ, a ray of the noetic sun, the heart's dawn-star, the confirmation of the Christian faith, the disclosure of reconciliation with God, God's grace, God's wisdom or, rather, the origin of true and absolute Wisdom; the revelation of God, the work of monks, the life of hesychasts, the source of stillness, and expression of the angelic state. Why say more? '''Prayer is God, who accomplishes everything in everyone''' (cf. 1 Cor. 12:6), for there is a single action of Father, Son and Holy Spirit, activating all things through Christ Jesus. ** [[Gregory of Sinai]], #113, ''On Commandments and Doctrines''. In: Palmer, G. E. H.; Ware, Kallistos; Sherrard, Philip (1999). ''The Philokalia: The Complete Text. Vol. 4''. Faber and Faber, p. 237-8. ==H== *Narrated As-Saburah: The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: Command a boy to pray when he reaches the age of seven years. When he becomes ten years old, then beat him for prayer. **HADITH Sunan Abu Dawud 2:494 *Narrated Abdullah ibn Amr ibn al-'As: The Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him) said: Command your children to pray when they become seven years old, and beat them for it (prayer) when they become ten years old; and arrange their beds (to sleep) separately. **Sunan Abu Dawud 2:495 * What returns does prayer show? None, if it is real prayer. For prayer is for [[growth]]. We can therefore, never return to what we were thank heaven, for we are growers. So prayer is a call. And it's answered by a call. We call up and we are called on. We're summoned, told to advance, to grow. That's the nerve of prayer, as prayer is the nerve of [[religion]]. ** [[w:Gerald Heard|Gerald Heard]], ''Reflections'' (1959). * He that will learn to pray, let him go to [[Sea]]. ** [[George Herbert]], ''Jacula Prudentum'' (1651), No. 89. * In prayer the lips ne'er act the winning part<br>Without the sweet concurrence of the [[heart]]. ** [[Robert Herrick (poet)|Robert Herrick]], ''Hesperides'' (1648), ''The Heart''. * Prayer invites the Eternal Presence to suffuse or spirits and let [[God]]'s will prevail in our lives. Prayer cannot bring [[water]] to parched fields, or mend a broken bridge, or rebuild a ruined city; but prayer can water an arid [[soul]], mend a broken heart, and rebuild a weakened will. ** Prayer based on statements of [[Abraham Joshua Heschel]] in ''[[w:Shaarei Tefillah|Shaarei Tefillah]]'' (''Gates of Prayer'', a [[w:Siddur|siddur]]). Quoted in ''The Jewish Moral Virtues'' (1999) by Eugene B. Borowitz and Frances Weinman Schwartz. * The focus of prayer is not the [[self]]. … It is the momentary disregard of our personal concerns, the absence of self-centered thoughts, which constitute the art of prayer. [[Feeling]] becomes prayer in the [[moment]] in which we [[Kenosis|forget ourselves]] and become [[aware]] of [[God]]. .... Thus, in beseeching Him for bread, there is ''one'' instant, at least, in which our mind is directed neither to our hunger nor to food, but to His mercy. This instant is prayer. We start with a personal concern and live to feel the utmost. ** [[Abraham Joshua Heschel]], as quoted in ''Judaism'' (1998) by Arthur Hertzberg, p. 300 * Just to be is a [[blessing]]. Just to live is holy. And yet being alive is no answer to the problems of living. To be or not to be is not the question. The vital question is: how to be and how not to be? <br /> The tendency to forget this vital question is the tragic disease of contemporary man, a disease that may prove fatal, that may end in disaster. To pray is to recollect ''passionately'' the perpetual urgency of this vital question. ** [[Abraham Joshua Heschel]], ''Moral Grandeur and Spiritual Audacity: Essays'', p. 264 ==I== * Is there never a chink in the world above<br>Where they listen for words from below? ** [[Jean Ingelow]], "Supper at the Mill", in ''Poems'' (London: Longman, Green, Longman, Roberts, & Green, 1863), p. 48. * The prayer of Noah,<br>He cried out in the darkness, Hear, O God,<br>Hear HIM: hear this one; through the gates of death,<br>If life be all past praying for, O give<br>To Thy great multitude a way to peace;<br>Give them to HIM. ** [[Jean Ingelow]], ''A Story of Doom'', Book IX, Stanza 6, in ''A Story of Doom and Other Poems'' (London: Longmans, Green, and Co., 1867), p. 203. * I have lived to thank God that ''all'' my prayers have not been answered. ** [[Jean Ingelow]], ''Off the Skelligs: A Novel'' (Boston: Roberts Brothers, 1872), Ch. XXXI, p. 571. * It may be that ministers really think that their prayers do good, and it may be that frogs imagine that their croaking brings spring. ** [[Robert G. Ingersoll]], "[http://www.infidels.org/library/historical/robert_ingersoll/which_way.html Which Way?]" (1884). * Who is a worshiper? What is prayer? What is real religion? Let me answer these questions. <br> Good, honest, faithful work, is worship. The man who ploughs the fields and fells the forests; the man who works in mines, the man who battles with the winds and waves out on the wide sea, controlling the commerce of the world; these men are worshipers. The man who goes into the forest, leading his wife by the hand, who builds him a cabin, who makes a home in the wilderness, who helps to people and civilize and cultivate a continent, is a worshiper. <br> Labor is the only prayer that Nature answers; it is the only prayer that deserves an answer, — good, honest, noble work. ** [[Robert G. Ingersoll]], in [http://www.infidels.org/library/historical/robert_ingersoll/blasphemy_trial.html appeal to the jury in the trial of C.B. Reynolds for blasphemy (May 1887)]. ==J== * If a brother or sister be naked, and destitute of daily food, and one of you say unto them, "Depart in peace, be ye warmed and filled"; notwithstanding ye give them not those things which are needful to the body; what doth it profit? Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead. **[[Epistle of James|James]] 2:15-17 ([[King James Version|KJV]]). * The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. **[[Epistle of James|James]] 5:16 ([[King James Version|KJV]]). * But petitional prayer is only one department of prayer; and if we take the word in the wider sense as meaning every kind of inward communion or conversation with the power recognized as divine, we can easily see that scientific criticism leaves it untouched. Prayer in this wide sense is the very soul and essence of religion. ** [[William James]], ''Varieties of Religious Experience'' (1902), Lecture XIX, "Other Characteristics". * But though I repeated my plea, and waited on my knees for nearly an hour, there was no answer. ** [[N. K. Jemisin]], ''[[w:The Broken Kingdoms|The Broken Kingdoms]]'' (2011), Chapter 9 *Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name; thy kingdom come; thy will be done; on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation; but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory, for ever and ever. Amen. **Jesus, in [[Gospel of Matthew|Matthew]] 6:9-13 , as quoted in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/lord-s-prayer-be-given-three-versions-1411325.html Lord's Prayer to be given in three versions, by Andrew Brown, ''Independent UK''], (18 September 2011) ==K== * I have visited a few astronauts, but all three either ignored me or prayed. The senseless chanting, I confess, repulsed me. ** [[Jaroslav Kalfař]], ''[[w:List of fictional astronauts (exploration of inner Solar System)|Spaceman of Bohemia]]'' (2017), Chapter 6 * If prayer is an offering of the lips and pleasing to God, then mercifulness is actually the heart’s offering and is, as Scripture says, a sweet fragrance in God’s nostrils. Oh, when you think of God, never forget that he does not have the least understanding about money. My listener, if you were a speaker, what assignment would you choose: to speak to the rich about practicing generosity or to the poor about practicing mercifulness? I am quite sure which one I would choose or, rather, which one I have chosen-if only I were a speaker. Oh, there is something indescribably reconciling in speaking to the poor man about practicing mercifulness! ** [[Søren Kierkegaard]], ''Works of Love'' (1847), as translated by H. and E. Hong (1995) p. 321-322 * The surprising happened to him. In proportion as he became more and more earnest in prayer, he had less and less to say, and in the end he became quite silent. He became silent – indeed, what is if possible still more expressly the opposite of speaking, he became a hearer. He had supposed that to pray is to speak; he learnt that to pray is not merely to be silent but to hear. And so it is; to pray is not to hear oneself speak, but it is to be silent, and to remain silent, to wait, until the man who prays hears God. ** [[Soren Kierkegaard]] Kierkegaard’s Christian Discourses & The Lilies of the Field & the Birds of the Air & The Discourses at the Communion on Fridays translated by Walter Lowrie Oxford University Press 1961 - p. 323 *Lord Jesus Christ, our foolish minds are weak; they are more than willing to be drawn&mdash;and there is so much that wants to draw us to itself. There is pleasure with its seductive power, the multiplicity with its bewildering distractions, the moment with its infatuating importance and the conceited laboriousness of busyness and the careless time-wasting of light-mindedness and the gloomy brooding of heavy-mindedness&mdash;all this will draw us away from ourselves to itself in order to deceive us. But you, who are truth, only you, our Savior and Redeemer, can truly draw a person to yourself, which you have promised to do&mdash;that you will draw all to yourself. Then may God grant that by repenting we may come to ourselves, so that you, according to your Word, can draw us to yourself&mdash;from on high, but through lowliness and abasement. ** [[Søren Kierkegaard]], ''Practice in Christianity'' (1850), as translated by H. and E. Hong (1991), p. 157 * In the face of real danger Elak forgot the gods and drew his rapier. Prayers, he had found, would not halt a dagger’s blow or a strangler’s hands. ** [[Henry Kuttner]], ''The Spawn Of Dagon'' (Originally published in the July 1938 issue of ''[[w:Weird Tales|Weird Tales]]).'' ==L== * All the world screamed. The Reverend did not pray, having decided long ago his boss had already made up his mind about things. ** [[w:Joe R. Lansdale|Joe R. Lansdale]], ''The Red-Headed Dead'' (2014), in [[w:John Joseph Adams|John Joseph Adams]] (ed.), ''Dead Man’s Hand,'' {{ISBN|9781781164501}}, p. 14 * A knowledge of the hidden side of life by no means teaches us to forget our [[dead]], but it makes us exceedingly careful as to how we think of them; it warns us that we must adopt a resolutely unselfish attitude, that we must forget all about ourselves, and the pain of the apparent separation, and think of them neither with grief nor with longing, but always with strong affectionate wishes for their happiness and their progress. The [[clairvoyant]] sees exactly in what manner such wishes affect them, and at once perceives the truth which underlies the teaching of the [[Catholic Church]] with regard to the advisability of prayers for the dead. By these both the living and the dead are helped; for the former, instead of being thrown back upon his grief with a hopeless feeling that now he can do nothing, since there is a great gulf between himself and his loved one, is encouraged to turn his affectionate thought into definite action which promotes the happiness and advancement of him who has passed from his sight in the physical world. **[[C.W. Leadbeater]] ''The Hidden Side of things'' by [[C.W. Leadbeater]], (1913) * If she had supposed the gods ever listened, she would have prayed. ** [[Tanith Lee]], ''Game Players'' in ''[[w:Night's Sorceries|Night's Sorceries]]'' (1987), p. 214 * He spake a parable unto them to this end, that men ought always to pray, and not to faint. **[[w:Gospel of Luke|Luke]] 18:1 ([[w:Authorized King James Version|KJV]]) == M == * Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed. ** [[Gospel of Mark]] 1:35. * For verily I say unto you, That whosoever shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; and shall not doubt in his heart, but shall believe that those things which he saith shall come to pass; he shall have whatsoever he saith. Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them. ** Attributed to [[Jesus]] in [[w:Gospel of Mark|Mark]] [[s:Bible (King James)/Mark#11:23|11:23-24]] ([[w:Authorized King James Version|KJV]]). * Prayer was not so much a matter of asking for something as a clear statement of what was important to you; a definition of who you were, and what you lacked, what you were sorry for, what you wished to be. A peeling away to your essence. ** [[w:fr:Mary McMullen|Mary McMullen]], ''Death by Bequest'' (1977), Ch. 19. * She thought about praying, but learned long ago there’d be no answer. ** [[Brad Meltzer]], ''[[w:The Escape Artist (novel)|The Escape Artist]]'' (2018), <small> {{ISBN|978-1-4555-5952-7}}, </small> p. 351 * “My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.” ** [[Thomas Merton]], ''[https://search.worldcat.org/title/1151459178 Thoughts In Solitude]'' (1956) * “And for what it’s worth, which in my professional opinion isn’t a bloody lot, I’ll pray for you.”<br>“Pray to what?” Marge said. He smiled....<br>“Fuck it,” the man said. “Tell you what. What’s the point collecting stuff you don’t use? I’ll pray to all of them.” ** [[China Miéville]], ''[[w:Kraken (Novel)|Kraken]]'' (2010), {{ISBN|978-0-345-49749-9}}, Chapter 44 (p. 268; ellipsis represents a one-sentence elision of description) * For those who do not guard their morals,<br>Prayers are but wishful thinking.<br>For those who do not practice what they preach,<br>Oratory is but faithless lying. ** [[Milarepa]], ''Songs of Milarepa'', as translated and edited by Garma C. C. Chang (1975), p. 17 * Hear his sighs though mute;<br>Unskillful with what words to pray, let me<br>Interpret for him. ** [[John Milton]], ''[[Paradise Lost]]'' (1667; 1674), Book XI, line 31. * But that from us aught should ascend to Heav'n<br>So prevalent as to concern the mind<br>Of God, high-bless'd, or to incline His will,<br>Hard to belief may seem; yet this will prayer. ** [[John Milton]], ''[[Paradise Lost]]'' (1667; 1674), Book XI, line 143. * And if by prayer<br>Incessant I could hope to change the will<br>Of Him who all things can, I would not cease<br>To weary Him with my assiduous cries. ** [[John Milton]], ''[[Paradise Lost]]'' (1667; 1674), Book XI, line 307. * ''Mein einziges Gebet ist das um Vertiefung. Durch sie allein kann ich wieder zu Gott gelangen. Vertiefung! Vertiefung!'' ** My only prayer is a prayer for depth. Through depth alone can I come closer to God. Depth! Depth! *** [[Christian Morgenstern]], ''Stufen: Eine Entwickelung in Aphorismen und Tagebuch-Notizen'' (1922), p. 14. ==N== *There are not petitional or [[w:intercessory prayer|intercessory prayers]] in Buddhism. However much we may pray to the Buddha we cannot be saved. The Buddha does not grant favors to those who pray to Him. Instead of petitional prayers there is [[meditation]] that leads to self-control, purification and enlightenment. Meditation is neither a silent reverie nor keeping the mind blank. It is an active striving. It serves as a tonic both to the heart and the mind. The Buddha not only speaks of the futility of offering prayers but also disparages a slave mentality. A Buddhist should not pray to be saved, but should rely on himself and win his freedom. ** [[Narada Maha Thera]], ''Buddhism in a Nutshell'' ==P== * I don't need to pray. I have God in myself. ** [[Ashraf Pahlavi]], ''[http://www.people.com/people/archive/article/0,,20076413,00.html In Bitter American Exile, the Shah's Twin Sister, Ashraf, Defends Their Dynasty]'', ''[[w:People (magazine)|People]]'' (May 05, 1980) * I will pray with my spirit, but I will pray with my mind also; I will sing praise with my spirit, but I will sing with my mind also. ** [[Paul of Tarsus]], [[1 Corinthians]] 14:15 [[w:English Standard Version|ESV]] * Praying without ceasing is not ritualized, nor are there even words. It is a constant state of awareness of oneness with God; it is a sincere seeking for a good thing; and it is a concentration on the thing sought, with faith that it is obtainable. ** [[Peace Pilgrim]], ''Peace Pilgrim: Her Life and Work in Her Own Words‎'' (1994), p. 75. * I talk to God but the sky is empty. ** [[Sylvia Plath]], Draft of letter to Richard Sassoon ({{#formatdate:1950-02-19}}), collected in Karen V. Kukil (ed.), ''The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath'' (2000). * I used to pray to recover you. ** [[Sylvia Plath]], "[[w:Daddy (poem)|Daddy]]" (October 12, 1962), line 14; published posthumously in ''[[w:Ariel (poetry collection)|Ariel]]'' (1965). * Oh dear [[w:Pan (god)|Pan]] and all the other Gods of this place, grant that I may be beautiful inside. ** [[Plato]], [[Socrates|Socrates’]] prayer in ''Phaedrus'', 279 * He pray'd by quantity,<br>And with his repetitions, long and loud,<br>All knees were weary. ** [[Robert Pollok]], ''The Course of Time'' (1827), Part VIII, line 628. * Oats knelt in the mud and tried a prayer, but there was no answering voice from the sky. There never had been. He’d been told never to expect one. That wasn’t how Om worked anymore. Alone of all the gods, he’d been taught, Om delivered the answers straight into the depths of the head. Since the prophet Brutha, Om was the silent god. That’s what they said.<br>If you didn’t have faith, then you weren’t anything. There was just the dark.<br>He shuddered in the gloom. Was the god silent, or was there no one to speak? ** [[Discworld|Terry Pratchett]], ''Carpe Jugulum'' (1998) * That’s what prayers are...it’s frightened people trying to make friends with the bully! ** [[Discworld|Terry Pratchett]], ''The Last Hero'' (2001) * God detests the prayers of a person who ignores the law. ** [[Solomon]], [[Proverbs]] 28:9, New Living Translation ==Q== * '''When trouble toucheth a man, He crieth unto Us (in all postures)- lying down on his side, or sitting, or standing. But when We have solved his trouble, he passeth on his way as if he had never cried to Us for a trouble that touched him!''' thus do the deeds of transgressors seem fair in their eyes! ** [[Quran]] 10: 12 * "Observe prayer at early morning, at the close of the day, and at the approach of night; for the good deeds drive away the evil deeds." ** [[Quran]] * "Put up then with what they say; and celebrate the praise of thy Loud before the sunrise, and before its setting: and some time in the night do thou praise Him, and in the extremes of the day, that thou haply mayest please Him." ** [[Quran]] * "Observe prayer at sunset, till the first darkening of the night, and the daybreak reading-for the daybreak reading hath its witnesses', and watch unto it in the night: this shall he an excess in service." ** [[Quran]] * "Seek aid with patience and prayer." ** [[Quran]] * "When ye have fulfilled your prayer, remember God standing and sitting, and lying on your sides; and when ye are in safety, then be steadfast in prayer-. Verily prayer is for the believers prescribed and timed." ** [[Quran]] ==R== * But what happens in true petitionary prayer when it is part of genuine religion? Human beings face the incomprehensible plan of their existence, which they accept as at once incomprehensible and yet as originating in the wisdom and love of God; however it may turn out, whether it brings life or death. people then have a sense of themselves, with their own identity and vital impulses, as willed by God, without waiting to produce or force an intelligible synthesis between their vital impulses and the plan of their existence. And so they say Yes to the incomprehensibility of God and to their own will to live, without wanting to know how the two fit together. The unity of the two, which is not something that we can create, is petitionary prayer, since '''it is only prayer if it says radically, "Your will, not mine", and it would not be petitionary prayer if it did not dare to ask God for something which we had thought of ourselves'''. Petitionary prayer is thus simply actualising the incomprehensibility of human existence which, down to the last fibre, comes from God alone and goes out to him, and yet is such that it can hold its own before God and not be destroyed. ** [[Karl Rahner]] and [[w:de:Karl-Heinz Weger|Karl-Heinz Weger]], ''Our Christian Faith'', translated by Francis McDonagh (London: Burns & Oates, 1980), pp. 63–64. * [[Passion]] is the [[power]] of prayer. ** [[Hiratsuka Raichō]], ''In The Beginning Woman Was The Sun'' (『元始、女性は太陽であった』, ''Genshi, josei wa taiyō de atta''), first published 1971-1973; translated by Teruko Craig in {{cite book |title=In the Beginning, Woman was the Sun: The Autobiography of a Japanese Feminist |date=2010 |publisher=Columbia University Press |isbn=978-0-231-13813-0 |page=157 |url=https://www.google.com/books/edition/In_the_Beginning_Woman_was_the_Sun/h4O-AwAAQBAJ?hl=en-419&gbpv=1&pg=PA157}} * The Divine wisdom has given us prayer, not as a means whereby to obtain the good things of earth, but as a means whereby we learn to do without them; not as a means whereby we escape evil, but as a means whereby we become strong to meet it. ** [[Frederick William Robertson]], quoted in ''[http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/8534# Daily Strength for Daily Needs]'' (1884), selected by Mary Tileston, February 22nd. * It is not by prayer and humility that you cause things to go as you wish, but by acquiring a knowledge of natural laws. ** [[Bertrand Russell]], ''[[The Impact of Science on Society]]'' (1952), Ch. 1 : Science and Tradition. * When does the building of the Spirit really begin to appear in a man's heart? It begins, so far as we can judge, when he first pours out his heart to God in prayer. ** [[J. C. Ryle]], ''Do You Pray?'' (Ipswich: Hunt & Son, 1852), , p. 22. ==S== * I do not pray to ask God for things. I pray to thank God for bringing me where I am. ** the character Salim in the speculative fiction television series ''[[American Gods (TV series)|American Gods]]'' (first season, 2017) * “You and your wife are in the prayers of me and our church,” he says to Rimney. “Despite of what you may think of me.”<br>“You’re in my prayers, too,” says Rimney. “I’m always praying you stop being so sanctimonious and miraculously get less full of shit.” ** [[w:George Saunders|George Saunders]], ''CommComm'' (2005) reprinted in Rich Horton (ed.), ''Fantasy: The Best of the Year 2006,'' p. 83 * It was quite incomprehensible to me — this was before I began going to school — why in my evening prayers I should pray for human beings only. So when my mother had prayed with me and had kissed me good-night, I used to add silently a prayer that I had composed myself for all living creatures. It ran thus: "O, heavenly Father, protect and bless all things that have breath; guard them from all evil, and let them sleep in peace." ** [[Albert Schweitzer]], ''Memoirs of Childhood and Youth''; in ''Reverence for Life: An Anthology of Selected Writings'', edited by Thomas Kiernan, New York: Philosophical Library, 1965, p. 1. * Prayer is the expression of desire; its value comes from our inward aspirations, from their tenor and their strength. Take away desire, the prayer ceases; increase or diminish its intensity, the prayer soars upward or has no wings. Inversely, take away the expression while leaving the desire, and the prayer in many ways remains intact. Has a child who says nothing but looks longingly at a toy in a shop-window, and then at his smiling mother, not formulated the most moving prayer? And even if he had not seen the toy, is not the desire for play, innate in the child as is the thirst for movement, in the eyes of his parents a standing prayer which they grant? ** [[w:Antonin Sertillanges|Antonin Sertillanges]], ''The Intellectual Life'' (1920), translated by Mary Ryan. Cork: The Mercier Press, 1948, p. 57. * Bow, stubborn knees; and, heart, with strings of steel,<br>Be soft as sinews of the new-born babe. ** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Hamlet]]'' (1600-02), Act III, scene 3, line 70. * My words fly up, my thoughts remain below;<br>Words without thoughts never to heaven go. ** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Hamlet]]'' (1600-02), Act III, scene 3. * All his mind is bent to holiness,<br>To number Ave-Maries on his beads. ** [[William Shakespeare]], [[Henry VI, Part 2|''Henry VI'', Part II]] (c. 1590-91), Act I, scene 3, line 58. * Rather let my head<br>Stoop to the block than these knees bow to any<br>Save to the God of heaven and to my king. ** [[William Shakespeare]], [[Henry VI, Part 2|''Henry VI'', Part II]] (c. 1590-91), Act IV, scene 1, line 124. * Go with me, like good angels, to my end;<br>And, as the long divorce of steel falls on me,<br>Make of your prayers one sweet sacrifice,<br>And lift my soul to heaven. ** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Henry VIII (play)|Henry VIII]]'' ([[w:Henry VIII (play)#Date|c. 1613]]), Act II, scene 1, line 75. * My prayers<br>Are not words duly hallow'd nor my wishes<br>More worth than empty vanities; yet prayers and wishes<br>Are all I can return. ** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Henry VIII (play)|Henry VIII]]'' ([[w:Henry VIII (play)#Date|c. 1613]]), Act II, scene 3, line 67. * "Amen"<br>Stuck in my throat. ** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Macbeth]]'' (1605), Act II, scene 2, line 32. * When I would pray and think, I think and pray<br>To several subjects; Heaven hath my empty words. ** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Measure for Measure]]'' (1603), Act II, scene 4, line 1. * His worst fault is, that he is given to prayer; he is something peevish that way; but nobody but has his fault; but let that pass. ** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Merry Wives of Windsor]]'' (published 1602), Act I, scene 4, line 13. * Well, if my wind were but long enough to say my prayers, I would repent. ** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Merry Wives of Windsor]]'' (published 1602), Act IV, scene 5, line 104. * If you bethink yourself of any crime<br>Unreconcil'd as yet to heaven and grace,<br>Solicit for it straight. ** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Othello]]'' (c. 1603), Act V, scene 2, line 26. * I find that prayers don’t work when you need them most. Unless you answer them for yourself. ** [[Charles Sheffield]], ''The Mind Pool'' (1993), <small> {{ISBN|0-671-72165-8}}, </small> p. 259 (Chapter 26) * If he is infinitely good, what reason should we have to fear him?<br />If he is infinitely wise, why should we have doubts concerning our future?<br />If he knows all, why warn him of our needs and fatigue him with our prayers?<br />If he is everywhere, why erect temples to him?<br />If he is just, why fear that he will punish the creatures that he has filled with weaknesses? ** [[Percy Bysshe Shelley]], ''The Necessity of Atheism'' (1811) * Prayer is not used to inform, for God is omniscient; not to move compassion, for God is without passions; not to show gratitude, for God knows our hearts. May not a man, that has true notions, be a pious man, though he be silent? ** [[William Shenstone]], ''Essays on Men, Manners and Things'', "On Religion", in ''The Works in Verse and Prose of William Shenstone'' Vol. II (London: R. and J. Dodsley, 1764), p. 309. * For Adoration, incense comes<br>From bezoar, and [[Arabia]]n gums,<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;And from the civet’s fur:<br>But as for prayer, or e’er it faints,<br>Far better is the breath of saints<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;Than galbanum or myrrh. ** [[W:Christopher Smart|Christopher Smart]], ''A Song to David'' (1763) * Children are the keys of Paradise … They alone are good and wise, Because their thoughts, their very lives, are prayer. ** [[Richard Henry Stoddard]], ''Songs of Summer'' (1856), p. 113. ==T== * The first things that hinders the prayer of a good man from obtaining its effects is a violent anger, and a violent storm in the spirit him who prayers. ** [[Jeremy Taylor]], Works of Jeremy Taylor, Anthology of English Prose (Dent 1948) * At the highest level of consciousness, an individual is alone. Such solitude can seem strange, unusual, even difficult. Foolish people try to escape it by means of various dissipations in order to get away from this high point, to some lower point, but wise people remain at this high point, with the help of prayer. ** [[Leo Tolstoy]], ''A Calendar of Wisdom'', P. Sekirin, trans. (1997) * Not prayer without faith, nor faith without prayer, but prayer in faith, is the cost of spiritual gifts and graces. ** [[Henry Clay Trumbull]] (1895), ''Dictionary of Burning Words of Brilliant Writers,'' p. 221 * It is best to read the weather forecast before we pray for rain. ** [[Mark Twain]], in Merle Johnson (ed.), ''More Maxims of Mark'' (1927), p. 8 ==W== [[File:Simone Weil 1931.jpg|thumb|right|School children and students who love God should never say: “For my part I like mathematics”; “I like French”; “I like Greek.” They should learn to like all these subjects, because all of them develop that faculty of attention which, directed toward God, is the very substance of prayer. ~ [[Simone Weil]]]] * School children and students who love God should never say: “For my part I like mathematics”; “I like French”; “I like Greek.” They should learn to like all these subjects, because all of them develop that faculty of attention which, directed toward God, is the very substance of prayer. ** [[Simone Weil]], ''Waiting for God'' (1951), p. 105. * MENDEL: Once you’re on your knees, you can’t stand up straight again. ** [[Elie Wiesel]], ''The Trial of God'' (1979), Act I * True prayer is waiting for God to come when and how He wants to. ** Edmund Wojtyła, older brother of Karol Wojtyła (later [[Pope John Paul II]]) as quoted in Evert, Jason. Saint John Paul the Great: His Five Loves (Kindle Locations 188-189). Totus Tuus Press. * Rapt into still communion that transcends<br>The imperfect offices of prayer and praise,<br>His mind was a thanksgiving to the power<br>That made him; it was blessedness and love! ** [[William Wordsworth]], ''The Excursion'' ==U== * God, though this life is but a wraith,<br>Although we know not what we use,<br>Although we grope with little faith,<br>Give me the heart to fight—and lose. ** [[Louis Untermeyer]], "Prayer", line 1, in ''Challenge'' (New York: The Century Co., 1915), p. 7. * From compromise and things half done,<br>Keep me with stern and stubborn pride;<br>And when, at last, the fight is won,<br>God, keep me still unsatisfied. ** [[Louis Untermeyer]], "Prayer", line 17, in ''Challenge'' (New York: The Century Co., 1914), p. 8. ==Y== * We ask for the aid of thy Holy Spirit to teach us how to pray, what we should ask for, and how to ask that we may receive. ** [[Brigham Young]], quoted in "Researcher uncovers clearer image of Brigham Young," ''Deseret News'' * Prayer ardent opens heaven. ** [[Edward Young]], ''Night Thoughts'' (1742-1745), Night VIII, line 721. ==Z== * Insofar as I may be heard by anything, which may or may not care what I say, I ask, if it matters, that you be forgiven for anything you may have done or failed to do which requires forgiveness. Conversely, if not forgiveness but something else may be required to insure any possible benefit for which you may be eligible after the destruction of your body, I ask that this, whatever it may be, be granted or withheld, as the case may be, in such a manner as to insure your receiving said benefit. I ask this in my capacity as your elected intermediary between yourself and that which may not be yourself, but which may have an interest in the matter of your receiving as much as it is possible for you to receive of this thing, and which may in some way be influenced by this ceremony. Amen. ** [[Roger Zelazny]], ''Creatures of Light and Darkness'' (1969), Chapter 3, “Death, Life, the Magician and Roses” ==''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations''== :<small>Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 625-29.</small> * Yet then from all my grief, O Lord,<br> Thy mercy set me free,<br>Whilst in the confidence of pray'r<br> My soul took hold on thee. ** [[Joseph Addison]], ''Miscellaneous Poems'', ''Divine Ode, made by a Gentleman on the Conclusion of his Travels'', Verse 6. * And from the prayer of Want, and plaint of Woe,<br> O never, never turn away thine ear!<br>Forlorn, in this bleak wilderness below,<br> Ah! what were man, should Heaven refuse to hear! ** [[James Beattie]], ''The Lay of the Last Minstrel'' (1805), Book I, Stanza 29. * She knows [[omnipotence]] has heard her prayer<br> And cries, "It shall be done—sometime, somewhere." **Ophelia G. Browning, ''Unanswered''. * Just my [[vengeance]] complete,<br>The man sprang to his feet,<br>Stood erect, caught at God's skirts, and prayed!<br>So, I was afraid! ** [[Robert Browning]], ''Instans Tyrannus'', VII. * They never sought in [[vain]] that sought the Lord aright! ** [[Robert Burns]], ''The Cotter's Saturday Night'' (1786), Stanza 6. * Father! no [[prophet]]'s laws I seek,—<br> Thy laws in Nature's works appear;—<br>I own myself [[Corruption|corrupt]] and [[Weakness|weak]],<br> Yet will I pray, for thou wilt hear. ** [[Lord Byron]], ''Prayer of Nature''. * Father of Light! Great God of Heaven!<br> Hear'st thou the accents of [[despair]]?<br>Can [[guilt]] like man's be e'er [[Forgiveness|forgiven]]?<br> Can [[Vices|vice]] atone for [[Crime|crimes]] by prayer? ** [[Lord Byron]], ''Prayer of Nature''. * Pray to be [[Perfection|perfect]], though material leaven<br>Forbid the spirit so on earth to be;<br>But if for any wish thou darest not pray,<br>Then pray to God to cast that wish away. ** [[Hartley Coleridge]], ''Poems'' (posthumous), ''Prayer''. * The [[saints]] will aid if men will call:<br>For the blue sky bends over all. ** [[Samuel Taylor Coleridge]], ''Christabel'' (c. 1797-1801, published 1816), conclusion to Part 1. * But maybe prayer is a road to rise,<br>A mountain path leading toward the skies<br>To assist the spirit who truly [[try|tries]].<br>But it isn't a shibboleth, creed, nor code,<br>It isn't a pack-horse to carry your load,<br>It isn't a wagon, it's only a road.<br>And perhaps the reward of the spirit who tries<br>Is not the goal, but the exercise! ** Edmund Vance Cooke, ''Prayer'', ''The Uncommon Commoner''. * Not as we wanted it,<br>But as God granted it. ** [[Arthur Quiller-Couch]], ''To Bearers''. * I always pray before any of the operation. I think God help me know what to do. ** [[Ben Carson]], ''Gifted Hands: The Ben Carson Story''. (p. 194). * And [[Satan]] trembles when he sees<br>The weakest saint upon his knees. ** [[William Cowper]], ''Hymns'', ''Exhortation to Prayer''. * I ask not a life for the dear ones,<br> All radiant, as others have done,<br>But that life may have just enough shadow<br> To temper the glare of the [[sun]];<br>I would pray God to guard them from [[evil]],<br> But my prayer would bound back to myself:<br>Ah! a [[Seraphim|seraph]] may pray for a sinner,<br> But a sinner must pray for himself. **Charles M. Dickinson, ''The Children''. * Our [[vows]] are heard betimes! and Heaven takes care<br> To grant, before we can conclude the prayer:<br>Preventing angels met it half the way,<br> And sent us back to [[praise]], who came to pray. ** [[John Dryden]], ''Britannia Rediviva'', first lines. * Grant [[folly|folly's]] prayers that hinder folly's wish,<br>And serve the ends of [[wisdom]]. ** [[George Eliot]], ''The Spanish Gypsy'' (1868), Book IV. * Almighty Father! let thy lowly child,<br> Strong in his [[love]] of [[truth]], be wisely [[Audacity|bold]],—<br>A patriot bard, by [[Sycophancy|sycophants]] reviled,<br> Let him live usefully, and not die old! ** Ebenezer Elliott, ''Corn Law Rhymes'', ''A Poet's Prayer''. * Though I am weak, yet God, when prayed,<br>Cannot withhold his conquering aid. ** [[Ralph Waldo Emerson]], ''The Nun's Aspiration''. * True prayer is only another name for the love of God. Its excellence does not consist in the multitude of our words; for our Father knoweth what things we have need of before we ask Him. The true prayer is that of the heart, and the heart prays only for what it desires. To pray, then, is to desire — but to desire what God would have us desire.<br>He who desires not from the bottom of his heart, offers a deceitful prayer. ** [[François Fénelon]], ''Pious Thoughts'', ''Advice Concerning Prayer''. Mrs. Mant's translation. * Ejaculations are short prayers darted up to God on emergent occasions. They are the artillery of devotion, and their principal use is against the fiery darts of the [[devil]]. ** [[Thomas Fuller]], ''Good Thoughts in Bad Times'', ''Meditations on all Kinds of Prayers'', Ejaculations, their Use, V. * So a good prayer, though often used, is still fresh and fair in the ears and eyes of Heaven. ** [[Thomas Fuller]], ''Good Thoughts in Bad Times'', ''Meditations on all Kinds of Prayers'', XII. * O Lord of [[Courage]] grave,<br> O Master of this night of Spring!<br>Make firm in me a heart too brave<br> To ask Thee anything. ** [[John Galsworthy]]. * Who goes to bed, and doth not pray,<br>Maketh two nights to every day! ** [[George Herbert]], ''The Temple'' (1633), ''The Church'', ''Charms and Knots'', Stanza 4. * Resort to [[Sermon|sermons]], but to prayers most:<br>Praying's the end of preaching. ** [[George Herbert]], ''The Temple'' (1633), ''The Church Porch'', Stanza 69. * O God, if in the day of [[battle]] I forget Thee, do not Thou forget me. ** William King attributes the prayer to a soldier, in his ''Anecdotes of his own time'', p. 7. (Ed. 1818). * My brother kneels, so saith Kabir,<br>To stone and brass in heathen-wise,<br>But in my brother's voice I hear<br>My own unanswered agonies.<br>His God is as his fates assign<br>His prayer is all the world's—and mine. ** [[Rudyard Kipling]], ''Song of Kabir''. * I ask and wish not to appear<br>More beauteous, rich or gay:<br>Lord, make me wiser every year,<br> And better every day. ** [[Charles Lamb]], ''A Birthday Thought''. * You know I say<br>Just what I think, and nothing more nor less,<br>And, when I pray, my heart is in my prayer.<br>I cannot say one thing and mean another:<br>If I can't pray, I will not make believe! ** [[Henry Wadsworth Longfellow]], ''Christus'', Part III, ''Giles Corey'', Act II, scene 3. * Let one unceasing, earnest prayer<br>Be, too, for light, for [[strength]] to bear<br>Our portion of the [[Responsibility|weight of care]],<br>That crushes into dumb [[despair]]<br> One half the [[humanity|human race]]. ** [[Henry Wadsworth Longfellow]], ''Goblet of Life'', Stanza 10. * Like one in prayer I stood. ** [[Henry Wadsworth Longfellow]], ''Voices of the Night'', prelude, Stanza 11. * ''Vigilate et orate.'' ** Watch and pray. ** Mark, XIII. 33. (From the Vulgate). * ''O Domine Deus! speravi in te;<br>O care mi Jesu! nunc libera me.<br>In dura catena, in misera poena,<br>Disidero te.<br>Languendo, jemendo, et genuflectendo,<br>Adoro, imploro, ut liberes me!'' ** O Lord, my God,<br> I have trusted in Thee;<br> O Jesu, my dearest One,<br> Now set me free.<br> In prison's oppression,<br> In sorrow's obsession,<br> I weary for Thee.<br> With sighing and crying,<br> Bowed down in dying,<br> I adore Thee, I implore Thee, set me free. ** [[Mary, Queen of Scots]]; written in her ''Book of Devotion'' before her execution. Translation by [[Swinburne]], ''Mary Stuart''. * God warms his hands at man's heart when he prays. ** [[John Masefield]], ''Widow in the Bye Street'', Part VI. * Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. ** Matthew, VII. 7. * Every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth. ** Matthew, VII. 8. * Not what we wish, but what we want,<br> Oh! let thy grace supply,<br>The good unask'd, in [[mercy]] grant;<br> The ill, though ask'd, deny. ** [[James Merrick]], ''Hymn''. * Prayer is the soul's sincere desire,<br> Uttered or unexpressed,<br>The motion of a hidden fire<br> That trembles in the breast. ** [[James Montgomery]], ''Original Hymns'', ''What is Prayer?'' * Prayer moves the arm<br>Which moves the [[world]],<br>And brings [[salvation]] down. ** [[James Montgomery]], ''Prayer''. * As down in the sunless retreats of the ocean<br> Sweet [[flowers]] are springing no mortal can see,<br>So deep in my soul the still prayer of devotion<br> Unheard by the world, rises silent to Thee. ** [[Thomas Moore]], ''As Down in the Sunless Retreats''. * O sad estate<br>Of human wretchedness; so weak is man,<br>So [[Ignorance|ignorant]] and [[Blindness|blind]], that did not God<br>Sometimes withhold in [[mercy]] what we ask,<br>We should be ruined at our own request. ** [[Hannah More]], ''Moses in the Bulrushes'', Part I. * Now I lay me down to take my sleep,<br>I pray thee, Lord, my soul to keep;<br>If I should die before I wake,<br>I pray thee, Lord, my soul to take. ** ''New England Primer'' (1814). * Father of All! in every age,<br> In every clime ador'd,<br>By saint, by savage, and by sage,<br> Jehovah, Jove, or Lord! ** [[Alexander Pope]], ''Universal Prayer''. * If I am right, Thy [[grace]] impart,<br> Still in the right to stay;<br>If I am wrong, O teach my heart<br> To find that better way! ** [[Alexander Pope]], ''Universal Prayer''. * In all thou dost first let thy Prayers ascend,<br>And to the Gods thy Labours first commend,<br>From them implore Success, and [[hope]] a prosperous End. ** [[Pythagoras]], ''Golden Verses'', line 49. See M. Dacier's ''Life of Pythagoras''. * They were ordinary [[soldiers]], just the common Jean and Hans,<br>One from the valley of the Rhine and one from fair Provence.<br>They were simple-hearted fellows — every night each said his prayer:<br>The one prayed Vater Unser and the other Notre Père. ** Charles Alex Richmond, ''Lord's Prayer''. * At the muezzin's call for prayer,<br>The kneeling [[faithful]] thronged the square,<br>And on Pushkara's lofty height<br>The dark priest chanted Brahma's might.<br>Amid a monastery's weeds<br>An old Franciscan told his beads;<br>While to the synagogue there came<br>A Jew to praise Jehovah's name.<br>The one great God looked down and smiled<br>And counted each His loving child;<br>For Turk and Brahmin, monk and Jew<br>Had reached Him through the gods they knew. **Harry Romaine, ''Ad Cœlum'', in ''Munsey's Magazine'' (January 1895). * I pray the prayer the Easterners do,<br>May the [[peace]] of [[Allah]] abide with you;<br>Wherever you stay, wherever you go,<br>May the beautiful palms of Allah grow;<br>Through days of labor, and nights of rest,<br>The love of Good Allah make you blest;<br>So I touch my heart—as the Easterners do,<br>May the peace of Allah abide with you. ** ''Salaam Alaikum'' (peace be with you). Author unknown. * ''In vota miseros ultimus cogit timor.'' ** Fear of death drives the wretched to prayer. ** [[Seneca the Younger]], ''Agamemnon'', 560. * ''Nulla res carius constat quam quæ precibus empta est.'' ** Nothing costs so much as what is bought by prayers. ** [[Seneca the Younger]], ''De Beneficiis'', II. 1. * The first petition that we are to make to Almighty [[God]] is for a good conscience, the next for health of mind, and then of body. ** [[Seneca the Younger]], ''Epistles'', XIV. * [[Earth]] bears no balsams for mistakes;<br> Men crown the knave, and scourge the tool<br>That did his will: but thou, O Lord,<br> Be merciful to me, a fool. ** Edward Rowland Sill, ''The Fool's Prayer''. * Four things which are not in thy treasury,<br>I lay before thee, Lord, with this petition:—<br> My nothingness, my wants,<br> My sins, and my contrition. ** [[Robert Southey]], Occasional Pieces, XIX. Imitated from the Persian. * Prayers are heard in [[heaven]] very much in proportion to our faith. Little [[faith]] will get very great mercies, but great faith still greater. ** [[Charles Spurgeon]], ''Gleanings Among the Sheaves'', ''Believing Prayer''. * To pray together, in whatever tongue or ritual, is the most tender brotherhood of hope and sympathy that men can contract in this life. ** [[Anne Louise Germaine de Staël]], ''Corinne'' (1807), Book X, Chapter V. * Holy Father, in thy mercy,<br> Hear our anxious prayer.<br>Keep our loved ones, now far absent, <br> 'Neath Thy care. ** Isabella S. Stephenson, hymn, sung universally among the British troops in the Great War. * Lord, thy most pointed pleasure take,<br>And stab my spirit broad awake;<br>Or, Lord, if too obdurate I,<br>Choose Thou, before that spirit die,<br>A piercing pain, a killing sin,<br>And to my dead heart turn them in. ** [[Robert Louis Stevenson]], ''Celestial Surgeon''. * My debts are large, my failures great, my shame secret and heavy; yet when I come to ask for my good, I quake in fear lest my prayer be granted. ** [[Rabindranath Tagore]], ''Gitanjali'', 28. * Speak to Him thou for He hears, and [[spirit]] with spirit can meet—<br>Closer is He than breathing, and nearer than hands and feet. ** [[Alfred Tennyson]], ''Higher Pantheism''. * More things are wrought by prayer<br>Than this world dreams of. Wherefore, let thy voice<br>Rise like a fountain for me night and day.<br>For what are men better than sheep or goats<br>That nourish a blind life within the brain,<br>If, knowing God, they lift not hands of prayer<br>Both for themselves and those who call them friend? ** [[Alfred Tennyson]], ''Morte d'Arthur'' (1842), line 247. [[File:Student pays respect to the Buddha.jpg|thumb|Battering the gates of heaven with storms of prayer. ~ [[Alfred Tennyson]]]] * Battering the gates of heaven with storms of prayer. ** [[Alfred Tennyson]], ''St. Simeon Stylites'', line 7. *"'Twas then belike," Honorious cried,<br>"When you the public fast defied,<br>Refused to heav'n to raise a prayer,<br>Because you'd no connections there." ** [[John Trumbull]], ''McFingal'', Canto I, line 541. * Prayer is<br>The world in tune,<br>A spirit-voyce,<br>And vocall joyes,<br>Whose Eccho is heaven's blisse. ** [[Henry Vaughan]], ''The Morning Watch''. * ''Desine fata deum flecti sperare precando.'' ** Cease to [[think]] that the decrees of the [[gods]] can be [[Change|changed]] by prayers. ** [[Virgil]], ''[[w:Aeneid|Æneid]]'' (29-19 BC), VI. 376. * ''Audiit, et voti Phœbus succedere partem<br>Mente didit, partem volucres dispersit in auras.'' ** Ae half the prayer wi' Phœbus grace did find<br> The t'other half he whistled down the wind. ** [[Virgil]], ''[[w:Aeneid|Æneid]]'' (29-19 BC), XI. 794. Translation by Scott—Waverley, Chapter XLIII. Same idea in [[Homer]], ''Iliad'', XVI, 250. * ''J'ai toujours fait une prière à Dieu, qui est fort courte. La voici: Mon Dieu, rendez nos ennemis bien ridicules! Dieu m'a exaucé.'' ** I always made one prayer to God, a very short one. Here it is: "O Lord, make our enemies quite ridiculous!" God granted it. *** [[Voltaire]], Letter to Étienne Noël Damilaville, {{#formatdate:1767-05-16}} * Prayer moves the Hand which moves the world. ** John Aikman Wallace, ''There is an Eye that Never Sleeps'', line 19. * Who is this before whose presence idols tumble to the sod?<br>While he cries out—"Allah Akbar! and there is no god but God!" ** [[William Ross Wallace]], ''El Amin'', ''The Faithful''. * Making their lives a prayer. ** [[John Greenleaf Whittier]], ''To A. K. on Receiving a Basket of Sea Mosses''. * Though smooth be the heartless prayer, no ear in heaven will mind it;<br>And the finest phrase falls dead, if there is no feeling behind it. ** [[Ella Wheeler Wilcox]], ''Art and Heart'', Stanza 2. * The imperfect offices of prayer and praise. ** [[William Wordsworth]], ''Excursion'', Book I. *"What is good for a bootless bene?"<br> With these dark words begins my Tale;<br>And their meaning is, whence can comfort spring<br> When Prayer is of no avail? ** [[William Wordsworth]], ''Force of Prayer''. * The bells of Ryleston seemed to say,<br> While she sat listening in the shade,<br> With vocal music, "God us ayde!"<br>And all the hills were glad to bear<br>Their part in this effectual prayer. ** [[William Wordsworth]], ''White Doe of Rylstone'', Canto VII, Stanza 11. * Doubt not but God who sits on high,<br> Thy secret prayers can hear;<br>When a dead wall thus cunningly<br> Conveys soft whispers to the ear. ** Verse inscribed in the Whispering Gallery of Gloucester Cathedral. ==''Dictionary of Burning Words of Brilliant Writers'' (1895)== :<small>Quotes reported in Josiah Hotchkiss Gilbert, ''Dictionary of Burning Words of Brilliant Writers'' (1895).</small> * A certain joyful, though humble, confidence becomes us when we pray in the Mediator's name. It is due to Him; when we pray in His name it should be without wavering. Remember His merits, and how prevalent they must be. " Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace." ** [[Nehemiah Adams]], p. 460. * The reason why we obtain no more in prayer, is because we expect no more. God usually answers us according to our own hearts. ** [[Richard Alleine]], p. 462. * Let your prayers be composed of thanksgiving, praise, confession, and petition, without any argument or exhortation addressed to those who are supposed to be praying with you. Adopt no fixed forms of expression, except such as you obtain from Scripture. Express your desire in the briefest, simplest form, without circumlocution. Hallow God's name by avoiding its unnecessary repetition. Adopt the simple devotional phrases of Scripture; but avoid the free use of its figures, and all quaint and doubtful application of its terms to foreign subjects. Pray to God and not to man. ** [[Joseph Addison Alexander]], p. 472. * Like an echo from a ruined castle, prayer is an echo from the ruined human soul of the sweet promise of God. ** [[William Arnot]], p. 464. * In the primitive church were not prayers simple, unpremeditated, united; prayers of the well-taught apostle; prayers of the accomplished scholar; prayers of the rough but fervent peasant; prayers of the new and zealous convert; prayers which importuned and wrestled with an instant and irrepressible urgency; — were they not an essential part of that religion, which holy fire had kindled; and which daily supplications alone could fan? ** [[William Arthur (minister)|William Arthur]], p. 473. * How can He grant you what you do not desire to receive? ** [[Augustine of Hippo]], p. 462. * He that loveth little prayeth little; he that loveth much prayeth much. ** [[Augustine of Hippo]], p. 464. * Any heart turned Godward feels more joy<br>In one short hour of prayer, than e'er was raised<br>By all the feasts of earth since its foundation. ** [[Philip James Bailey]], p. 459. * A good man's prayers<br>Will from the deepest dungeon climb to heaven's height,<br>And bring a [[blessing]] down. ** [[Joanna Bailie]], p. 459. * Every praying Christian will find that there is no Gethsemane without its angel. ** [[Thomas Binney]], p. 469. * A prayer in its simplest definition is merely a wish turned Godward. ** [[Phillips Brooks]], p. 457. * Prayer is not conquering God's reluctance, but taking hold upon God's willingness. ** [[Phillips Brooks]], p. 458. * The best and sweetest flowers of paradise God gives to His people when they are upon their knees. Prayer is the gate of heaven. ** [[Thomas Brooks]], p. 458. * Cold prayers shall never have any warm answers. God will suit His returns to our requests. Lifeless services shall have lifeless answers. When men are dull, God will be dumb. ** [[Thomas Brooks]], p. 462. * "Continuing instant in prayer." The Greek is a metaphor taken from hunting dogs that never give over the game till they have got their prey. ** [[Thomas Brooks]], p. 464. * Private prayer is so far from being a hindrance to a man's business, that it is the way of ways to bring down a blessing from heaven upon it. ** [[Thomas Brooks]], p. 471. * If any prayer be a duty, then secret prayer must be superlatively so, for it prepares and fits the soul for all other supplication. ** [[Thomas Brooks]], p. 471. * God's hearing of our prayers does not depend upon sanctifi- cation, but upon Christ's intercession; not upon what we are in ourselves, but what we are in the Lord Jesus; both our persons and our prayers are accepted in the Beloved. ** [[Thomas Brooks]], p. 473. * Unanswered yet? Faith cannot be unanswered.<br>Her feet were firmly planted on the Rock;<br>Amid the wildest storms she stands undaunted,<br>Nor quails before the loudest thunder shock.<br>She knows Omnipotence has heard her prayer,<br>And cries, "It shall be done," sometime, somewhere.<br>Unanswered yet? Nay, do not say ungranted;<br>Perhaps your part is not yet wholly done.<br>The work began when first your prayer was uttered,<br>And God will finish what He has begun.<br>If you will keep the incense burning there,<br>His glory you shall see sometime, somewhere. ** [[Robert Browning]], p. 474. * Prayer will make a man cease from sin, or sin will entice a man to cease from prayer. ** [[John Bunyan]], p. 468. * When Christ went up into a mountain apart to pray, He dismissed the multitude, to teach us that when we address ourselves to God, we must first dismiss the multitude. We must send away the multitude of worldly cares, worldly thoughts, worldly concerns and business, when we would call upon God in duty. ** [[William Burkitt]], p. 465. * Let faith each meek petition fill,<br>And waft it to the skies;<br>And teach our heart 'tis goodness still<br>That grants it or denies. ** [[Joseph Dacre Carlyle]], p. 460. * Let family worship be short, savory, simple, plain, tender, heavenly. ** [[Richard Cecil]], p. 471. * Consider how august a privilege it is, when angels are present, and archangels throng around, when cherubim and seraphim encircle with their blaze the throne, that a mortal may approach with unrestrained confidence, and converse with heaven's dread Sovereign! O, what honor was ever conferred like this? ** [[Chrysostom]], p. 459. * Be not afraid to pray — to pray is right.<br>Pray if thou canst with hope; but ever pray,<br>Though hope be weak or sick with long delay;<br>Pray in the darkness, if there be no light. ** [[Hartley Coleridge]], p. 461. * He prayeth best who loveth best<br>All things both great and small:<br>For the dear God who loveth us,<br>He made and loveth all, ** [[Samuel Taylor Coleridge]], p. 463. * True prayer is an earnest soul's direct converse with its God. ** [[Theodore L. Cuyler]], p. 456. * Wise is that Christian parent who begins every morning with the word of God and fervent prayer. ** [[Theodore L. Cuyler]], p. 471. * Answered prayers cover the field of providential history as flowers cover western prairies. ** [[Theodore L. Cuyler]], p. 474. * In eternity it will be a terrible thing for many a man to meet his own prayers. Their very language will condemn him; for he knew his duty, but he did it not. ** [[Theodore L. Cuyler]], p. 475. * When we pray to God with entire assurance, it is Himself who has given us the spirit of prayer. ** [[St. Cyprian]], p. 460. * Are we to suppose that the only being in the universe who cannot answer prayer is that One who alone has all power at His command? The weak theology that professes to believe that prayer has merely a subjective benefit is infinitely less scientific than the action of the child who confidently appeals to a Father in heaven. ** [[John William Dawson]], p. 461. * Saviour, breathe an evening [[blessing]]<br>Ere repose our spirits seal;<br>Sin and want we come confessing;<br>Thou canst save, and Thou canst heal. ** [[James Edmeston]], p. 475. * Lord! Thou art with Thy people still; they see Thee in the night-watches, and their hearts burn within them as Thou talkest with them by the way. And Thou art near to those that have not known Thee; open their eyes that they may see Thee — see Thee weeping over them, and saying, "Ye will not come unto me that ye might have life"— see Thee hanging on the cross and saying, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do"—see Thee as Thou wilt come again in Thy glory to judge them at the last. Amen. ** [[George Eliot]], p. 464. * Prayer, then, does not consist in sweet feelings, nor in the charms of an excited imagination, nor in that illumination of the intellect that traces with ease the sublimest truths of God; nor even in a certain consolation in the view of God; all these things are external gifts from His hand, in the absence of which love may exist even more purely, as the soul may then attach itself immediately and solely to God, instead of to His mercies. ** [[François Fénelon]], p. 458. * For "we know not what we should pray for as we ought; " but love leads us on, abandons us to all the operations of grace, puts us entirely at the disposal of God's will, and thus prepares us for all His designs. ** [[François Fénelon]], p. 465. * Prayer is so necessary, and the source of so many blessings, that he who has discovered the treasure cannot be prevented from having recourse to it, whenever he has an opportunity. ** [[François Fénelon]], p. 466. * Ah! well it is for us that God is a loving Father, who takes our very prayers and thanksgivings rather for what we mean than for what they are; just as parents smile on the trailing weeds that their ignorant little ones bring them for flowers. ** [[Edward Garrett]], p. 462. * Good prayers never come creeping home. I am sure I shall receive what I ask for or what I should ask. ** Bishop [[Joseph Hall]], p. 461. * Your child is falling from a window. By the action of a natural law he will be killed. But he cries out for help, "Father! father!" Hearing his call, in this his day of trouble, you rush forth and catch him in your arms. Your child is saved. Natural law would have killed him, but you interposed, and, without a miracle, saved him. And cannot the great Father of all do what an earthly parent does? ** [[Newman Hall]], p. 473. * Prayer is the breath of a new-born soul, and there can be no Christian life without it. ** [[Rowland Hill (preacher)|Rowland Hill]], p. 457. * I like ejaculatory prayer; it reaches heaven before the devil can get a shot at it. ** [[Rowland Hill (preacher)|Rowland Hill]], p. 470. * There it is — in such patient silence — that we accumulate the inward power which we distribute and spend in action; that the soul acquires a greater and more vigorous being, and gathers up its collective forces to bear down upon the piecemeal difficulties of life and scatter them to dust; there alone can we enter into that spirit of self-abandonment by which we take up the cross of duty, however heavy, with feet however worn and bleeding. ** [[Wayland Hoyt]], p. 470. * If I were an impenitent child of godly parents, and should die so, I would rather go into eternity facing a legion of devils than my mother's prayers. ** [[Herrick Johnson]], p. 475. * He who has a pure heart will never cease to pray; and he who will be constant in prayer, shall know what it is to have a pure heart. ** [[Pierre La Combe]], p. 464. * Worship is the earthly act by which we most distinctly recognize our personal immortality; men who think that they will be extinct a few years hence do not pray. In worship we spread out our insignificant life, which yet is the work of the Creator's hands, and the purchase of the Redeemer's blood, before the Eternal and All-Merciful, that we may learn the manners of a higher sphere, and fit ourselves for companionship with saints and angels, and for the everlasting sight of the face of God. ** [[Henry Liddon]], p. 457. * Prayer is the act by which man, detaching himself from the embarrassments of sense and nature, ascends to the true level of his destiny. ** [[Henry Liddon]], p. 458. * I have been driven many times to my knees, by the overwhelming conviction that I had nowhere else to go. My own wisdom, and that of all about me seemed insufficient for that day. ** [[Abraham Lincoln]], p. 468. * The church converteth the whole world by blood and prayer. ** [[Martin Luther]], p. 468. * Ah, what is it we send up thither, where our thoughts are either a dissonance or a sweetness and a grace? ** [[George MacDonald]], p. 461. * O Lord, we rejoice that we are Thy making, though Thy handiwork is not very clear in our outer man as yet. We bless Thee that we feel Thy hand making us. What if it be in pain? Evermore we hear the voice of the potter above the hum and grind of His wheel. Father, Thou only knowest how we love Thee. Fashion the clay to Thy beautiful will. ** [[George MacDonald]], p. 464. * If you are in the spirit of prayer, do not be long, because other people will not be able to keep pace with you in such unusual spirituality, and if you are not in the spirit of prayer, do not be long, because you will be sure to weary the listeners. ** [[John Macdonald]], p. 472. * The prayer that begins with trustfulness, and passes on into waiting, even while in sorrow and sore need, will always end in thankfulness and triumph and praise. ** [[Alexander Maclaren]], p. 461. * There is no such thing in the long history of God's kingdom as an unanswered prayer. Every true desire from a child's heart finds some true answer in the heart of God. ** [[Norman MacLeod]], p. 473. * Whatever we are directed to pray for, we are also exhorted to work for; we are not permitted to mock Jehovah, asking that of Him which we deem not worth our pains to acquire. ** [[Elias Lyman Magoon]], p. 469. * Religion is no more possible without prayer than poetry without language, or music without atmosphere. ** [[James Martineau]], p. 466. * A house without family worship has neither foundation nor covering. ** [[John Mitchell Mason]], p. 471. * Trouble and perplexity drive me to prayer, and prayer drives away perplexity and trouble. ** [[Philip Melanchthon]], p. 466. * Prayer is so mighty an instrument that no one ever thoroughly mastered all its keys. They sweep along the infinite scale of man's wants and God's goodness. ** [[Hugh Miller]], p. 458. * O Thou by whom we come to God —<br>The Life, the Truth, the Way;<br>The path of prayer Thyself hast trod;<br>Lord, teach us how to pray. ** [[James Montgomery]], p. 460. * Prayer is not eloquence, but earnestness; not the definition of helplessness, but the feeling of it; not figures of speech, but compunction of soul. ** [[Hannah More]], p. 458. * There is no burden of the spirit but is lightened by kneeling under it. Little by little, the bitterest feelings are sweetened by the mention of them in prayer. And agony itself stops swelling, if we can only cry sincerely, " My God, my God!" ** [[William Mountford]], p. 466. * Not every hour, nor every day, perhaps, can generous wishes ripen into kind actions; but there is not a moment that cannot be freighted with prayer. ** [[William Mountford]], p. 470. * Then let us earnest be,<br>And never faint in prayer;<br>He loves our importunity,<br>And makes our cause His care. ** [[John Newton]], p. 462. * In presenting the Divine promises at the throne of grace, we present the best of names at a bank that is solvent. Let us, when we would pray, consider well whether we have a promise for our plea. ** [[Robert M. Offord]], p. 460. * Expect an answer. If no answer is desired, why pray? True prayer has in it a strong element of expectancy. ** [[Robert M. Offord]], p. 462. * Ask in simplicity. True need forgets to be formal. Its utterances fly from the heart as sparks from a blacksmith's anvil. Set phrases, long sentences, polysyllabic words, find little favor with the soul that is athirst for God and His grace. How brief are the sentences of the immortal and immutable prayer, which Christ taught His disciples! Not a long word is there. Temptation is the longest, and the majority of the words are of one syllable. Do you essay to lead others in prayer? Utter no word that any that hear you cannot understand. Express their need as well as your own. Do not go to the mercy-seat on stilts. ** [[Robert M. Offord]], p. 471. * Prayer, with our Lord, was a refuge from the storm; almost every word He uttered during that last tremendous scene was prayer; prayer the most earnest, the most urgent, repeated, continued, proceeding from the recesses of the soul, private, solitary; prayer for deliverance, prayer for strength; above every thing prayer for resignation. ** [[William Paley]], p. 467. * As in poetry, so in prayer, the whole subject matter should be furnished by the heart, and the understanding should be allowed only to shape and arrange the effusions of the heart in the manner best adapted to answer the end designed. From the fullness of a heart overflowing with holy affections, as from a copious fountain, we should pour forth a torrent of pious, humble, and ardently affectionate feelings; while our understandings only shape the channel and teach the gushing streams of devotion where to flow, and when to stop. ** [[Edward Payson]], p. 464. * I think that if we would, every evening, come to our Master's feet, and tell Him where we have been, what we have done, what we have said, and what were the motives by which we have been actuated, it would have a salutary effect upon our whole conduct. ** [[Edward Payson]], p. 466. * Our public prayers too often consist almost entirely of passages of Scripture—not always judiciously chosen or well arranged — and common-place phrases, which have been transmitted down for ages, from one generation to another, selected and put together just as we would compose a sermon or essay, while the heart is allowed no share in the performance; so that we may more properly be said to make a prayer than to pray. ** [[Edward Payson]], p. 472. * We lay it down as an elemental principle of religion, that no large growth in holiness was ever gained by one who did not take time to be often and long alone with God. No otherwise can the great central idea of God enter into a man's life, and dwell there supreme. ** [[Austin Phelps]], p. 459. * Have you never observed how free the Lord's Prayer is of any material that can tempt to subtle self-inspection in the art of devotion? It is full of an outflowing of thought and of emotion toward great objects of desire, great necessities, and great perils. ** [[Austin Phelps]], p. 465. * [[Patience]] and perseverance are never more thoroughly Christian graces than when features of prayer. ** [[Samuel I. Prime]], p. 461. * Happy are they who freely mingle prayer and toil till God responds to the one and rewards the other. ** [[Samuel I. Prime]], p. 468. * A life of prayer is a life whose litanies are ever fresh acts of self-devoting love. ** [[Frederick William Robertson]], p. 457. * The Divine Wisdom has given us prayer, not as a means whereby to obtain the good things of earth, but as a means whereby we learn to do without them; not as a means whereby we escape evil, but as a means whereby we become strong to meet it. ** [[Frederick William Robertson]], p. 468. * Faithful prayer always implies correlative exertion; and no man can ask honestly and hopefully to be delivered from temptation, unless he has himself honestly and firmly determined to do the best he can to keep out of it. ** [[John Ruskin]], p. 469. * Are we silent to Jesus? Think! Have you nothing to ask Him? Nothing to thank Him for? Nothing to praise Him for? Nothing to confess? Oh, poor soul, go back to Bethlehem — to Gethsemane, to Calvary, and remember at what a cost the vail before the Holies was rent in twain that thou mightest enter it. ** [[Anna Shipton]], p. 474. * Prayer pulls the rope below, and the great bell rings above in the ears of God. Some scarcely stir the bell, for they pray so languidly; others give but an occasional pluck at the rope; but he who wins with heaven is the man who grasps the rope boldly and pulls continuously, with all his might. ** [[Charles Spurgeon]], p. 460. * Sometimes a fog will settle over a vessel's deck and yet leave the topmast clear. Then a sailor goes up aloft and gets a lookout which the helmsman on deck cannot get. So prayer sends the soul aloft; lifts it above the clouds in which our selfishness and egotism befog us, and gives us a chance to see which way to steer. ** [[Charles Spurgeon]], p. 469. * For spiritual [[blessings]], let our prayers be importunate, perpetual, and persevering; for temporal blessings, let them be general, short, conditional, and modest. ** [[Jeremy Taylor]], p. 461. * Easiness of desire is a great enemy to the success of a good man's prayer. Our prayers upbraid our spirits when we beg tamely for those things for which we ought to die; which are more precious than imperial sceptres, richer than the spoils of the sea or the treasures of Indian hills. ** [[Jeremy Taylor]], p. 462. * There is something in every act of prayer that for a time stills the violence of passion, and elevates and purifies the affections. ** [[Jeremy Taylor]], p. 465. * From the violence and rule of passion, from a servile will, and a commanding lust, from pride and vanity, from false opinion and ignorant confidence; from improvidence and prodigality, from envy and the spirit of slander; from sensuality, from presumption and from despair; from a state of temptation and a hardened spirit; from delaying of repentance and persevering in sin; from unthankfulness and irreligion, and from seducing others; from all infatuation of soul, folly, and madness; from willfulness, self-love, and vain ambition; from a vicious life and an unprovided death, good Lord, deliver us. ** [[Jeremy Taylor]], p. 468. * When we pray for any virtue, we should cultivate the virtue as well as pray for it; the form of your prayers should be the rule of your life; every petition to God is a precept to man. ** [[Jeremy Taylor]], p. 469. * Prayers born out of murmuring are always dangerous. When, therefore, we are in a discontented mood, let'us take care what we cry for, lest God give it to us, and thereby punish us. ** [[William Mackergo Taylor]], p. 465. * They tell us of the fixed laws of nature! but who dares maintain that He who fixed these laws cannot use them for the purpose of answering His people's prayers? ** [[William Mackergo Taylor]], p. 473. * We kneel, how weak; we rise, how full of power!<br>Why, therefore, should we do ourselves this wrong,<br>Or others — that we are not always strong,<br>That we are ever overborne with care,<br>That we should ever weak or heartless be,<br>Anxious or troubled, when with us is prayer,<br>And joy and strength and courage are with Thee? ** [[Richard Chenevix Trench]], p. 467. * Prayer moves the hand which moves the world. ** [[John Aikman Wallace]], p. 459. * Prayer is the pulse of the renewed soul; and the constancy of its beat is the test and measure of the spiritual life. ** [[Octavius Winslow]], p. 458. ==''Respectfully Quoted: A Dictionary of Quotations'' (1989)== * I Pray Heaven to Bestow The Best of Blessing on THIS HOUSE, and on All that shall hereafter Inhabit it. May none but Honest and Wise Men ever rule under This Roof! ** [[John Adams]], letter to his wife Abigail, November 2, 1800, the day after he moved into the White House. ''Letters of John Adams Addressed to His Wife'', ed. Charles Francis Adams, p. 267 (1841). President Franklin D. Roosevelt had this lettered in gold in the marble over the fireplace in the State Dining Room of the White House. The quotation above follows the capitalization used in the inscription. * Grant us a common faith that man shall know bread and peace—that he shall know justice and righteousness, freedom and security, an equal opportunity and an equal chance to do his best not only in our own lands, but throughout the world. And in that faith let us march toward the clean world our hands can make. ** [[Stephen Vincent Benét]], Prayer, concluding sentences (1942). Archibald MacLeish, poet and Librarian of Congress, asked Benét to write "The United Nations Prayer" to be used in the celebration of Flag Day, 1942. President Franklin D. Roosevelt used it to close his radio address on Flag Day, June 14, 1942. Adlai E. Stevenson used this final section of the prayer on his Christmas cards in 1964. * For Mercy has a human heart<br>Pity, a human face:<br>And Love, the human form divine,<br>And Peace, the human dress.<br>Then every man of every clime,<br>That prays in his distress,<br>Prays to the human form divine<br>Love Mercy Pity Peace. ** [[William Blake]], "The Divine Image", stanzas 3 and 4, lines 9–16, ''The Complete Poetry and Prose of William Blake'', ed. David V. Erdman (1982), p. 12–13. First published in 1789. * "God bless us every one!" said Tiny Tim, the last of all. ** [[Charles Dickens]], ''A Christmas Carol'' (1963), stave 3, p. 74. First published in 1843. * Lord, make me a channel of your peace.<br>Where there is hatred, let me bring love.<br>Where there is offense, forgiveness.<br>Where there is discord, reconciliation.<br>Where there is doubt, faith.<br>Where there is despair, hope.<br>Where there is sadness, joy.<br>Where there is darkness, your light.<br> we give, we are made rich.<br>If we forget ourselves, we find peace.<br>If we forgive, we receive forgiveness.<br> we die, we receive eternal resurrection.<br>Give us peace, Lord. **[[Serenity Prayer]] Attributed to [[Francis of Assisi]], in Auspicius van Corstanje, ''Francis: Bible of the Poor'' (1977), p. 203. "This prayer cannot be found in any of the early texts written by Francis. In its present form, it is probably not even a hundred years old. All the same, it clearly reflects the spirit of Francis. He could have written it, and that is why it is generally attributed to him" (p. 203). A slightly different version ("Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace") can be found in Masterpieces of Religious Verse, ed. James Dalton Morrison, p. 130 (1948). * There is nothing I can give you which you have not got; but there is much, very much, that, while I cannot give it, you can take. No Heaven can come to us unless our hearts find rest in it to-day. Take Heaven! No peace lies in the future which is not hidden in this present little instant. Take peace!<br><br>The gloom of the world is but a shadow. Behind it, yet within our reach, is joy. There is radiance and glory in the darkness, could we but see; and to see, we have only to look. Contessina I beseech you to look.<br><br>Life is so generous a giver, but we, judging its gifts by their covering, cast them away as ugly or heavy or hard. Remove the covering, and you will find beneath it a living splendour, woven of love, by wisdom, with power. Welcome it, grasp it, and you touch the Angel's hand that brings it to you. Everything we call a trial, a sorrow, or a duty: believe me, that angel's hand is there; the gift is there, and the wonder of an overshadowing Presence. Our joys, too: be not content with them as joys, they too conceal diviner gifts.<br><br>Life is so full of meaning and of purpose, so full of beauty—beneath its covering—that you will find that earth but cloaks your heaven. Courage, then to claim it: that is all! But courage you have; and the knowledge that we are pilgrims together, wending through unknown country, home.<br><br>And so, at this Christmas time, I greet you; not quite as the world sends greetings, but with profound esteem, and with the prayer that for you, now and forever, the day breaks and the shadows flee away. ** "Fra Giovanni", A Letter to the Most Illustrious the Contessina Allagia Dela Aldobrandeschi, Written Christmas Eve Anno Domini 1513 (193?) The British Museum stated in 1970 that it had "proved impossible" to identify Fra Giovanni, the purported author of this letter. This was published, probably in the 1930s, "with Christmas Greetings" from Greville MacDonald, son of novelist George MacDonald, and Mary MacDonald. * Almighty God, who hast given us this good land for our heritage; We humbly beseech Thee that we may always prove ourselves a people mindful of Thy favor and glad to do Thy will. Bless our land with honourable industry, sound learning, and pure manners. Save us from violence, discord, and confusion; from pride and arrogancy, and from every evil way. Defend our liberties, and fashion into one united people the multitudes brought hither out of many kindreds and tongues. Endure with the spirit of wisdom those to whom in Thy Name we entrust the authority of government, that there may be justice and peace at home, and that, through obedience to Thy law, we may show forth Thy praise among the nations of the earth. In the time of prosperity, fill our hearts with thankfulness, and in the day of trouble, suffer not our trust in Thee to fail; Amen. ** [[George L. Locke]], prayer, c. 1880. President Franklin D. Roosevelt included it as "an old prayer" without attribution, in his final radio speech of the 1940 presidential campaign, November 4, 1940. ''The Public Papers and Addresses of Franklin D. Roosevelt, 1940'', p. 557–58 (1941). Life magazine reproduced the prayer in its issue of November 18, 1940, and in a letter to the editor in the December 9 issue, p. 4, the Rev. Mr. Locke's daughter wrote about his authorship and the circumstances of his composing the prayer. * Build me a son, O Lord, who will be strong enough to know when he is weak, and brave enough to face himself when he is afraid; one who will be proud and unbending in honest defeat, and humble and gentle in victory. Build me a son whose wishes will not take the place of deeds; a son who will know Thee—and that to know himself is the foundation stone of knowledge. Lead him, I pray, not in the path of ease and comfort, but under the stress and spur of difficulties and challenge. Here let him learn to stand up in the storm; here let him learn compassion for those who fail. Build me a son whose heart will be clear, whose goal will be high; a son who will master himself before he seeks to master other men; one who will reach into the future, yet never forget the past. And after all these things are his, add, I pray, enough of a sense of humor, so that he may always be serious, yet never take himself too seriously. Give him humility, so that he may always remember the simplicity of true greatness, the open mind of true wisdom, and the meekness of true strength. Then, I, his father, will dare to whisper, "I have not lived in vain". ** [[Douglas MacArthur]], "A Father's Prayer". Courtney Whitney, ''MacArthur, His Rendevous with History'' (1956), p. 547. Written "during the early days of the desperate campaigns in the Far East in World War II". [[File:Nakhthorheb praying-A 94-IMG 8369.JPG|thumb|Our earnest prayer is that God will graciously vouchsafe prosperity, happiness, and peace to all... the peoples and powers of earth.]] * Our earnest prayer is that God will graciously vouchsafe prosperity, happiness, and peace to all our neighbors, and like blessings to all the peoples and powers of earth. ** [[William McKinley]], speech delivered at the Pan-American Exposition, Buffalo, New York, September 5, 1901. Modern Eloquence, ed. Ashley H. Thorndike, rev. Adam Ward, vol. 11, p. 401 (1936). This was McKinley's last speech, as he was mortally wounded the next day at the Exposition. He served in Congress 1877–1884 and 1885–1891. * The things, good Lord, that I pray for, give me thy grace to labour for. Amen. ** [[Thomas More]], English Prayers and Treatise on the Holy Eucharist, ed. Philip E. Hallett, p. 20 (1938). His English works were published in 1557. * God give me the serenity to accept things which cannot be changed;<br>Give me courage to change things which must be changed;<br>And the wisdom to distinguish one from the other. ** Attributed to [[Reinhold Niebuhr]], The A.A. Grapevine, January 1950, p. 6–7; also June Bingham, Courage to Change, p. iii (1961), where the version differs somewhat: "O God, give us serenity to accept what cannot be changed, courage to change what should be changed, and wisdom to distinguish the one from the other". Alcoholics Anonymous has used this prayer, with minor changes in wording, since about 1940. According to the first source, Dr. Niebuhr said, "It may have been spooking around for years, even centuries, but I don't think so. I honestly do believe that I wrote it myself". The Anglican publishing house, Mobray of London, for more than a century has identified it as a General or Common Prayer of fourteenth-century England, according to a reader of American Notes and Queries, June 1970, p. 154. He added that "Reinhold Niebuhr has acknowledged, more than once, both in seminar and publicly that he was not the original author of the Serenity Prayer". In Ausblick von der Weibertreu by Christoph Duncker, p. 1 (1973), the following lines are attributed to a Johann Christoph Oetinger, deacon in Weinsberg from 1762 to 1769: "Gib mir Gelassenheit, Dinge hinzunehmen, die ich nicht ändern kann, Den Mut, Dinge zu ändern, die ich ändern kann, und die Weisheit, das eine vom andern zu untersheiden", which can be translated as above. Another reader of American Notes and Queries, October 1969, p. 25, gives a nearly identical quotation and states that it can be traced to Friedrich Christoph Oetinger (1702–1782), German theologian and theosophist, without giving a source. Whatever the original source or wording, Niebuhr and A.A. have made the prayer well-known in the United States. * Almighty and most merciful Father, we humbly beseech Thee, of Thy great goodness, to restrain these immoderate rains with which we have had to contend. Grant us fair weather for Battle. Graciously hearken to us as soldiers who call upon Thee that, armed with Thy power, we may advance from victory to victory, and crush the oppression and wickedness of our enemies, and establish Thy justice among men and nations. Amen. ** [[James H. O'Neill]], prayer for good weather, December 1944. Ladislas Farago, ''Patton, Ordeal and Triumph'' (1964), chapter 36, p. 690. General George S. Patton, Jr., ordered Colonel O'Neill, chaplain of the Third Army, to produce this prayer. * Stars above our cornfields,<br>Morning-colored wind,<br>Snow, and wood-fires burning<br>On hearths we leave behind.<br>(''Shine for us, dear beacons''.)<br>''God of the hidden purpose,<br>Let our embarking be<br>The prayer of proud men asking<br>Not to be safe, but free.'' ** [[Henry Morton Robinson]], "Litany for D-Day: 1944", stanzas 4 and 5, ''The Enchanted Grindstone and Other Poems'' (1952), p. 93. * Give us courage and gaiety and the quiet mind. Spare to us our friends, soften to us our enemies. Bless us, if it may be, in all our innocent endeavors. If it may not, give us the strength to encounter that which is to come, that we be brave in peril, constant in tribulation, temperate in wrath, and in all changes of fortune and down to the gates of death, loyal and loving one to another. ** [[Robert Louis Stevenson]], prayer "For Success", ''Vailima Papers and a Footnote to History'' (1925), p. 7. This was used by Adlai E. Stevenson on his Christmas card in 1962. * I now make it my earnest prayer, that God would have you, and the State over which you preside, in his holy protection, that he would incline the hearts of the Citizens to cultivate a spirit of subordination and obedience to Government, to entertain a brotherly affection and love for one another, for their fellow Citizens of the United States at large, and particularly for their brethren who have served in the Field, and finally, that he would most graciously be pleased to dispose us all, to do Justice, to love mercy, and to demean [i.e., comport] ourselves with that Charity, humility and pacific temper of mind, which were the Characteristicks of the Divine Author of our blessed Religion, and without an humble imitation of whose example in these things, we can never hope to be a happy Nation. ** [[George Washington]], circular to the states, Newburgh, New York, June 8, 1783. ''The Writings of George Washington'', ed. John C. Fitzpatrick (1938), vol. 26, p. 496. * I asked God for strength, that I might achieve<br>I was made weak, that I might learn humbly to obey …<br>I asked for health, that I might do greater things<br>I was given infirmity, that I might do better things …<br>I asked for riches, that I might be happy<br>I was given poverty, that I might be wise …<br>I asked for power, that I might have the praise of men<br>I was given weakness, that I might feel the need of God …<br>I asked for all things, that I might enjoy life<br>I was given life that I might enjoy all things …<br>I got nothing that I asked for—but everything I had hoped for<br>Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered.<br>I am, among all men, most richly blessed. ** Author unknown. As "A Creed for Those Who Have Suffered", this has been used by rehabilitation centers. Adlai E. Stevenson used these lines on his Christmas card, 1955. [[File:Woman praying in Cristo buen Viaje Church.jpg|thumb|Slow me down, Lord! Ease the pounding of my heart by the quieting of my mind. ]] * '''May the road rise to meet you.<br>May the wind be ever at your back'''<br>May the Good Lord keep you in the hollow of His hand.<br>May your heart be as warm as your hearthstone.<br>And when you come to die<br>may the wail of the poor<br>be the only sorrow<br>you'll leave behind.<br>May God bless you always. ** Author unknown, "An Irish Wish". Ralph L. Woods, ''A Third Treasury of the Familiar'' (1970), p. 644. Another version of this popular Irish blessing: May the road rise to meet you,<br>May the wind be always at your back,<br>May the sun shine warm upon your face,<br>May the rain fall soft upon your fields,<br>And, until we meet again,<br>May God hold you in the palm of His hand. * O God, thy sea is so great, and my boat is so small. ** Author unknown. Prayer of Breton fishermen. President John F. Kennedy had on his desk a plaque with these words, given to him by Admiral Hyman Rickover, who gave one like it to the commanding officer of each new Polaris submarine. Tazewell Taylor Shepard, Jr., ''John F. Kennedy, Man of the Sea'' (1965), p. 23. * Slow me down, Lord! Ease the pounding of my heart by the quieting of my mind. Steady my hurried pace with a vision of the eternal reach of time. Give me, amidst the confusion of my day, the [[calmness]] of the everlasting hills. Break the tensions of my nerves and muscles with the soothing music of singing streams that live in my memory. Teach me the art of taking minute vacations … of slowing down to look at a flower, to chat with a friend, to pat a dog, to read a few lines from a good book. Remind me each day of the fable of the hare and the tortoise, that I may know that the race is not always to the swift; that there is more to life than measuring its speed. Let me look upward into the branches of the towering oak and know that it grew great and strong because it grew slowly and well. Slow me down, Lord, and inspire me to send my roots deep into the soil of life's enduring values that I may grow toward the stars of my greater destiny. ** Author unknown. Reported in ''Respectfully Quoted: A Dictionary of Quotations'' (1989). ==See also== *[[Amen]] *[[Atonement]] *[[Blessings]] *[[Grace]] *[[Higher self]] *[[Inspiration]] *[[Mantra|Mantras]] * [[Meditation]] * [[Mindfulness]] *[[Om]] * [[Worship]] ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} {{Wiktionary}} [[Category:Religious behaviour and experience]] [[Category:Discourse]] [[Category:Semiotics]] [[Category:Belief]] [http://www.prayertimesweb.com/prayer-times-dhaka/ Timings] hrl089y291pkupji4t83c7fxakzh4vl 3778845 3778844 2025-07-14T20:20:04Z ᘙ 3105225 /* G */ 3778845 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Muslim_Prayer_Beads.jpg|thumb|right|If the one who offers prayer [[knew]] how much [[divine]] [[mercy]] is descending upon him, he would surely not raise his [[head]] from [[w:Sujud|prostration]]. ~ [[Ali]]]] [[File:Bonndorf Fahne1.JPG|thumb|I will pray with my [[spirit]], but I will pray with my [[mind]] also. ~ [[Paul of Tarsus]]]] [[File:Christianity-Jesus Christ Died for your Sin.jpg|thumb|right|To attribute the efficacy of prayers or of sacramental signs to their mere external performance, apart from the interior dispositions they demand, is to fall into superstition. ~ [[Catechism of the Catholic Church]]]] [[File:Sri Lanka Photo051.jpg|thumb|The Buddha does not grant favors to those who pray to Him. Instead of petitional prayers there is [[meditation]] that leads to self-control, purification and enlightenment. ... A Buddhist should not pray to be saved, but should rely on himself and win his freedom. ~ [[Narada Maha Thera]]]] [[File:Ring48.jpg|thumb|right|To [[feel]] the supreme and moving [[beauty]] of the spectacle to which [[Nature]] invites her ephemeral guests! … that is what I call prayer. ~ [[Claude Debussy]] ]] [[File:Ejsmond The Anchorite.jpg|thumb|Just to be is a [[blessing]]. Just to live is holy. And yet being alive is no answer to the problems of living. To be or not to be is not the question. The vital question is: how to be and how not to be? ... To pray is to recollect ''passionately'' the perpetual urgency of this vital question. ~ [[Abraham Joshua Heschel]]]] [[File:Lords Prayer 2020-06-20 087.jpg|thumb| Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation; but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory, for ever and ever. ]] [[File:Youth praying.jpg|thumb|Give us courage and gaiety and the quiet mind.]] [[File:Praying Knight Equestrian Sculpture by Cyrus Dallin at Cambridge Ringe and Latin High School.jpg|thumb|Lord, make me a channel of your peace.<br>Where there is hatred, let me bring love.<br>Where there is offense, forgiveness.<br>Where there is discord, reconciliation. ~ [[Serenity Prayer|Prayer for Serenity]]]] [[File:Albrecht Dürer Betende Hände.jpg|thumb|right|Prayer invites the [[Eternal]] Presence to suffuse or [[spirits]] and let [[God]]'s will prevail in our lives. ~ ''[[w:Shaarei Tefillah|Shaarei Tefillah]]'']] '''[[w:Prayer|Prayer]]''' is the act of attempting to communicate, commonly with a sequence of words, with a deity or spirit for the purpose of worshipping, requesting guidance, requesting assistance, confessing sins, as an act of reparation or to express one's thoughts and emotions. The words of the prayer may take the form of intercession, a hymn, incantation or a spontaneous utterance in the person's praying words. Secularly, the term can also be used in referring to "[[hope]]". __NOTOC__ {{TOCalpha|''[[#Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations|Hoyt's&nbsp;New&nbsp;Cyclopedia&nbsp;Of&nbsp;Practical&nbsp;Quotations]]'' · ''[[#Dictionary of Burning Words of Brilliant Writers (1895)|Dictionary of Burning Words of Brilliant Writers]]'' · ''[[#Respectfully Quoted: A Dictionary of Quotations (1989)|Respectfully Quoted]]''}} ==A== * '''If the one who offers prayer knew how much divine mercy is descending upon him, he would surely not raise his head from prostration.''' ** [[Ali]], ''Ghurar al-Hikam wa Durar al-Kalim (Exalted Aphorisms And Pearls Of Speech)''. p. 710. Translated by Tahir Ridha Jaffer. Ansariyan Publications - Qum (2012). * Let [[gratitude]] be the pillow upon which you kneel to say your nightly prayer. And let [[faith]] be the bridge you build to overcome [[evil]] and welcome [[good]]. ** [[Maya Angelou]], ''Celebrations: Rituals of Peace and Prayer'' (2006) *But the reason why prayer is necessary for obtaining something from a man is not the same as the reason for its necessity when there is question of obtaining a favor from God. Prayer is addressed to man, first, to lay bare - the desire and the need of the petitioner, and secondly, to incline the mind of him to whom the prayer is addressed to grant the petition. These purposes have no place in the prayer that is sent up to God. When we pray we do not intend to manifest our needs or desires to God, for He knows all things. The Psalmist says to God: “Lord, all my desire is before You” (Psalm 37:10); and in the Gospel we are told: “Your Father knows that you have need of all these things” (Matt. 6:32). Again, the will of God is not influenced by human words to will what He had previously not willed. For, as we read in Numbers 23:19, “God is not a man, that He should lie, nor as the son of man, that He should be changed”; nor is God moved to repentance, as we are assured in 1 Samuel 15:29. Prayer, then, for obtaining something from God is necessary for man on account of the very one who prays, that he may reflect on his shortcomings and may turn his mind to desiring fervently and piously what he hopes to gain by his petition. In this way he is rendered fit to receive the favor. Yet a further difference between the prayer offered to God and that addressed to man is to be marked. Prayer addressed to a man presupposes a certain intimacy that may afford the petitioner an opportunity to present his request. But when we pray to God, the very prayer we send forth makes us intimate with Him, inasmuch as our soul is raised up to God and converses with Him in spiritual affection, and adores Him in spirit and truth. The familiar affection thus experienced in prayer begets an inducement in the petitioner to pray again with yet greater confidence. And so we read in Psalm 16:6: “I have cried to You,” that is, in trusting prayer, “for You, O God, have heard me”; as though, after being admitted to intimacy in the first prayer, the Psalmist cries out with all the greater confidence in the second. :For this reason, in prayer to God, perseverance or repetition of our supplication is not unseemly, but is regarded as acceptable to God. Indeed, “we ought always to pray and not to faint,” as we learn from Luke 18: 1. Our Lord, too, invites us to pray, for He said: “Ask, and it shall be given you... knock, and it shall be opened to you” (Matt. 7:7). But in prayer addressed to man, persistence in begging becomes irritating. **Saint [[Thomas Aquinas]], [[w:Doctor of the Church|Doctor of the Church]], ''[[w:it:Compendium Theologiae|Compendium Theologiae]]'', [https://isidore.co/aquinas/english/Compendium.htm Ch. 236 - The Resurrection of Christ] ==B== * The most acceptable prayer is the one offered with the utmost spirituality and radiance; its prolongation hath not been and is not beloved by God. The more detached and the purer the prayer, the more acceptable is it in the presence of God. ** [[Báb]], ''{{w|Persian Bayán}}'', VII, 19 * Prayer is the [[spirit]] speaking truth to [[Truth]]. ** [[Philip James Bailey]], ''Festus'' (1813), scene Elsewhere. * Men may spurn our appeals, reject our message, oppose our arguments, despise our persons, but they are helpless against our prayers. ** [[J. Sidlow Baxter]], Reported in Charlie Jones, Bob Kelly, ''The Tremendous Power of Prayer'' (2000) p. 46. * PRAY, ''v.'' To ask that the laws of the [[universe]] be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner, confessedly unworthy. ** [[Ambrose Bierce]], ''The Devil's Dictionary'' (1911). * God shapes the world by prayer. ** [[Edward McKendree Bounds]] ''Purpose in Prayer'' (1920), p. 9. * Apostolic preaching cannot be carried on unless there be apostolic prayer. ** [[Edward McKendree Bounds]], ''The Weapon of Prayer''. * In prayerful sympathy and love. Hold to the old truth -- double distilled. ** [[Edward McKendree Bounds]], Last card to Homer W. Hodge, dated [[26 June]] [[1913]]. * [[God]] answers sharp and sudden on some prayers,<br>And thrusts the thing we have prayed for in our face,<br>A gauntlet with a gift in 't. ** [[Elizabeth Barrett Browning]], ''Aurora Leigh'' (1856), Book II. * Every wish<br>Is like a prayer — with God. ** [[Elizabeth Barrett Browning]], ''Aurora Leigh'' (1856), Book II. * [[Hope]], he called, [[belief]]<br>In [[God]], — [[work]], [[worship]] * * * therefore let us pray! ** [[Elizabeth Barrett Browning]], ''Aurora Leigh'' (1856), Book III. * There are, O [[w:Householder (Buddhism)|householder]], five desirable, pleasant, and agreeable things which are rare in the world. What are those five? They are long life, beauty, happiness, fame and (rebirth in) a heaven. But of those five things, O householder, I do no teach that they are to be obtained by prayer or by vows. ** [[Gautama Buddha]], [[Anguttara Nikaya]] 5.43 * For a noble disciple, O [[w:Householder (Buddhism)|householder]], who wishes to have long life, it is not befitting that he should pray for long life or take delight in so doing. He should rather follow a path of life that is conducive to longevity. ** [[Gautama Buddha]], [[Anguttara Nikaya]] 5.43 * All my life I have prayed, and all my life I have been refused answer. I scarcely believed in the gods anymore, or if I did, it was only to curse them for their indifference. They betrayed my father, who had served Them loyally all his life. They betrayed my mother, or They were powerless to save her, which was as bad or worse. If a god has come to me, He certainly hasn’t come ''for'' me! ** [[Lois McMaster Bujold]], ''The Hallowed Hunt'' (2005), Chapter 6 ==C== * When the mind is not dissipated upon extraneous things, nor diffused over the world about us through the senses, it withdraws within itself, and of its own accord ascends to the contemplation of God. ** [[Basil of Caesarea]], Letter to [[w:Gregory of Nazianzus|Gregory]], ''Saint Basil: The Letters'', R. Deferrari, trans. (1926), vol. 1, p. 15. * We must resist wandering thoughts in prayer. Raising our hands reminds us that we need to raise up our minds to God, setting aside all irrelevant thoughts. ** [[John Calvin]], Book III Ch. 20 First Rule, para. 1 and 2. *Some one will say, Does he not know without a monitor both what our difficulties are, and what is meet for our interest, so that it seems in some measure superfluous to solicit him by our prayers, as if he were winking, or even sleeping, until aroused by the sound of our voice? Those who argue thus attend not to the end for which the Lord taught us to pray. It was not so much for his sake as for ours. ... It is very much for our interest to be constantly supplicating him; first, that our heart may always be inflamed with a serious and ardent desire of seeking, loving and serving him, while we accustom ourselves to have recourse to him as a sacred anchor in every necessity; secondly, that no desires, no longing whatever, of which we are ashamed to make him the witness, may enter our minds, while we learn to place all our wishes in his sight, and thus pour out our heart before him; and, lastly, that we may be prepared to receive all his benefits with true gratitude and thanksgiving, while our prayers remind us that they proceed from his hand. ** [[John Calvin]], ''[[Institutes of the Christian Religion]]'', Book 3, Chapter 20, Section 3 (1536) * Let the first rule of right prayer then be, to have our heart and mind framed as becomes those who are entering into converse with God. This we shall accomplish in regard to the mind, if, laying aside carnal thoughts and cares which might interfere with the direct and pure contemplation of God, it not only be wholly intent on prayer, but also, as far as possible, be borne and raised above itself. ... When I say it must be raised above itself, I mean that it must not bring into the presence of God any of those things which our blind and stupid reason is wont to devise, nor keep itself confined within the little measure of its own vanity, but rise to a purity worthy of God. ** [[John Calvin]], ''[[Institutes of the Christian Religion]]'', Book 3, Chapter 20, Section 4 (1536) * The ceremony of lifting up our hands in prayer is designed to remind us that we are far removed from God, unless our thoughts rise upward. ** [[John Calvin]], ''[[Institutes of the Christian Religion]]'', Book 3, Chapter 20, Section 5 (1536) * Can we suppose anything more hateful or even more execrable to God than this fiction of asking the pardon of sins, while he who asks at the very time either thinks that he is not a sinner, or, at least, is not thinking that he is a sinner; in other words, a fiction by which God is plainly held in derision? ** [[John Calvin]], ''[[Institutes of the Christian Religion]]'', Book 3, Chapter 20, Section 6 (1536) * He who comes into the presence of God to pray must divest himself of all vainglorious thoughts, lay aside all idea of worth; in short, discard all self- confidence, humbly giving God the whole glory, lest by arrogating any thing, however little, to himself, vain pride cause him to turn away his face. ** [[John Calvin]], ''[[Institutes of the Christian Religion]]'', Book 3, Chapter 20, Section 8 (1536) * As our blessed Lord has required us to pray that his kingdom may come, and his will be done on earth as it is in heaven, it becomes us not only to express our desires of that event by words, but to use every lawful method to spread the knowledge of his name. In order to this, it is necessary that we should become, in some measure acquainted with the religious state of the world; and as this is an object we should be prompted to pursue, not only by the gospel of our Redeemer, but even by the feelings of humanity, so an inclination to conscientious activity therein would form one of the strongest proofs that we are the subjects of grace, and partakers of that spirit of universal benevolence and genuine philanthropy, which appear so eminent in the character of God himself. ** [[William Carey (missionary)|William Carey]], [http://ia700108.us.archive.org/5/items/anenquiryintothe11449gut/11449-h/11449-h.htm ''An Enquiry into the Obligations of Christians to Use Means for the Conversion of the Heathens'' (1792)], Introduction * The most glorious works of grace that have ever took place, have been in answer to prayer; and it is in this way, we have the greatest reason to suppose, that the glorious out-pouring of the Spirit, which we expect at last, will be bestowed. ** [[William Carey (missionary)|William Carey]], ''An Enquiry into the Obligations of Christians'' (1792), Sect. V : ''An Enquiry into the Duty of Christians in general, and what Means ought to be used, in order to promote this Work.'' * Many can do nothing but pray, and prayer is perhaps the only thing in which Christians of all denominations can cordially, and unreservedly unite; but in this we may all be one, and in this the strictest unanimity ought to prevail. Were the whole body thus animated by one soul, with what pleasure would Christians attend on all the duties of religion, and with what delight would their ministers attend on all the business of their calling. <br>We must not be contented however with praying, without ''exerting ourselves in the use of means'' for the obtaining of those things we pray for. ''Were the children of light'', but ''as wise in their generation as the children of this world'', they would stretch every nerve to gain so glorious a prize, nor ever imagine that it was to be obtained in any other way. ** [[William Carey (missionary)|William Carey]], ''An Enquiry into the Obligations of Christians'' (1792), Sect. V : ''An Enquiry into the Duty of Christians in general, and what Means ought to be used, in order to promote this Work.'' * Suppose your prayers aren't answered. What do you say? "Well, it's God's will." "Thy will be done." Fine, but if it's God's will, and He's going to do what He wants to anyway, why the fuck bother praying in the first place? Seems like a big waste of time to me! Couldn't you just skip the praying part and go right to His will? It's all very confusing. ** [[George Carlin]], ''You Are All Diseased'' (1999). * I noticed that all the prayers I used to offer to God, and all the prayers I now offer to [[w:Joe Pesci|Joe Pesci]], are being answered at about the same 50% rate. Half the time I get what I want, half the time I don't. Same as God, 50-50. Same as the four-leaf clover and the horseshoe, the wishing well and the rabbit's foot, same as the Mojo Man, same as the Voodoo Lady who tells you your fortune by squeezing the goat's testicles, it's all the same: 50-50. So just pick your superstition, sit back, make a wish, and enjoy yourself. ** [[George Carlin]], ''You Are All Diseased'' (1999). * To attribute the efficacy of prayers or of sacramental signs to their mere external performance, apart from the interior dispositions they demand, is to fall into superstition. ** [[Catechism of the Catholic Church]] (1992), § 2111. * Can a little speck in the vast universe truly address the Infinite? The answer is that Prayer is precisely what converts that little speck into an entity of inestimable and cosmic significance. ** [[Jeffrey Cohen]], ''Following the Synagogue Service'', Chapter III, p. 23, Gnesia Publications, 1997, {{ISBN|0-946000-01-8}} * He prayeth best who [[loveth]] best<br>[[All]] things, both great and small. ** [[Samuel Taylor Coleridge]], ''The Rime of the Ancient Mariner'' (1798; 1817), Part VII. * He prayeth well who loveth well<br>Both man and bird and beast. ** [[Samuel Taylor Coleridge]], ''The Rime of the Ancient Mariner'' (1798; 1817), Part VII. ==D== * To feel the supreme and moving [[beauty]] of the spectacle to which [[Nature]] invites her ephemeral guests! … that is what I call prayer. ** [[Claude Debussy]], quoted in ''Claude Debussy: His Life and Works'' (1933) by Léon Vallas. * People in intolerable circumstances will pray to anything. Truly, there are no atheists in foxholes: the men there pray to the bombs that they may land somewhere else. ** [[w:Thomas M. Disch|Thomas M. Disch]], ''The Roaches'' (1965), reprinted in [[w:Peter Haining (author)|Peter Haining]] (ed.), ''The Flying Sorcerers'' (1998), <small> {{ISBN|0-441-00577-2}}, </small> p. 127 * Every third-grader knows that prayer is the lifting up of one's mind and heart to God. But there are many ways of lifting. It begins with vocal prayer, the one all of us are so familiar with. It goes on to mental prayer and meditation, a prayer that all too many people are ''unfamiliar'' with. This "lifting" also includes the prayer of silence, the prayer of the heart, contemplative prayer, unknown to still more people. ** [[Catherine Doherty]], ''The Gospel Without Compromise'' (Notre Dame, Indiana: Ave Maria Press, 1976), p. 115. * The man who prays in secret is far more likely to be sincere than he who loves to pray standing in the street, or in the great congregation. ** Madison Washington in ''{{w|The Heroic Slave}}'' by [[Frederick Douglass]], published in ''Autographs for Freedom'', edited by {{w|Julia Griffiths}}, Cleveland: {{w|John P. Jewett & Company}}, 1853 == E== [[File:Ernst Hildebrand Verzweiflung 1885.jpg|thumb|First pray for the gift of tears, so that through sorrowing you may tame what is savage in your soul. And having confessed your transgressions to the Lord, you will obtain forgiveness from Him. ~ [[Evagrios the Solitary]]]] * In memorizing the prayer, it may be helpful to remind yourself that you are not addressing some extraterrestrial being outside you. The kingdom of heaven is within us, and the Lord is enshrined in the depths of our own consciousness. In this prayer we are calling deep into ourselves, appealing to the spark of the divine that is our real nature. ** [[Eknath Easwaran]], ''God Makes the Rivers Flow'' (1982), p. 184. * Prayer that craves a particular commodity, — any thing less than all good, — is vicious. ** [[Ralph Waldo Emerson]], “Self-Reliance”. * First pray for the gift of tears, so that through sorrowing you may tame what is savage in your soul. And having confessed your transgressions to the Lord, you will obtain forgiveness from Him. ** [[Evagrios the Solitary]], ''On Prayer: One Hundred and Fifty-Three Texts'', #5, in ''[[Philokalia]]'', as translated and edited by G. E. H. Palmer, Philip Sherrard and Kallistos Ware (1979) *When praying on behalf of Pharaoh to remove the plague of hail from him, Moses went out of the town to do so (Exod. 9. 20), because he would not pray in the midst of the idols and abominations that polluted the place and rendered it unfit for prayer to the throne of mercy. He went into the open, pure air of God to pray to God. ** ''{{w|Exodus Rabbah}} 12'', ''[http://www.sacred-texts.com/jud/tmm/tmm07.htm Tales and Maxims from the Midrash]'' by Rev. Samuel Rapaport, (1907), p. 94-95 * [[King David|David]] advisedly calls one of his [[Psalms|Psalms]] (Psalm 90) 'A prayer of Moses, the man of God,' and another Psalm (Psalm 102) he names 'A prayer of the afflicted,' to convey to us the truth that the prayer of the greatest and of the most humble of men, that of the richest and that of the poorest, of the slave and of the master, are equal before God. : Prayers should be said in common, master and man mistress and maid, rich and poor together, for all are equal before God. :* ''{{w|Exodus Rabbah}} 21'', ''[http://www.sacred-texts.com/jud/tmm/tmm07.htm Tales and Maxims from the Midrash]'' by Rev. Samuel Rapaport, (1907), p. 99 * If your hands are stained by dishonesty, your prayers will be polluted and impure, and an offence to Him to whom you direct them. Do not pray at all before you have your hands purified from every dishonest act. ** ''{{w|Exodus Rabbah}} 22'', ''[http://www.sacred-texts.com/jud/tmm/tmm07.htm Tales and Maxims from the Midrash]'' by Rev. Samuel Rapaport, (1907), p. 100 * God requires but earnest prayer and a penitent heart. <br> Israel was redeemed from Egypt in answer to prayer. Joshua became a conqueror because of his prayer; in the days of the judges help was obtained by prayer; Samuel's help for his people was granted in reply to prayer. **''{{w|Exodus Rabbah}} 38'' ''[http://www.sacred-texts.com/jud/tmm/tmm07.htm Tales and Maxims from the Midrash]'' by Rev. Samuel Rapaport, (1907), p. 105-106 ==F== * Reader, pray that soon this Iron Age<br>Will crumble, and [[Beauty]] escape the rusting cage. ** [[Philip José Farmer]], in "Beauty in This Iron Age" in ''Starlanes'' #11 (Fall 1953); re-published in ''Pearls From Peoria'' (2006). * He kneels and prays to heaven but nothing happens. ** [[Jeffrey Ford]], ''The Delicate,'' reprinted in ''The Fantasy Writer's Assistant'' (2002), <small> {{ISBN|1-930846-10-X}}, </small> p. 160 * I used to think that prayer should have the first place and teaching the second. I now feel that it would be truer to give prayer the first, second and third place, and teaching the fourth. ** [[James O. Fraser]] 1922 in Geraldine Taylor, ''Behind the Ranges: The Life-changing Story of J.O. Fraser'', Singapore: OMF International (IHQ) Ltd., 1998, 269. ==G== * Prayer is not an asking. It is a longing of the soul. It is a daily admission of one's weakness. ** [[Mahatma Gandhi]] in ''Young India'' (23 September 1926). * In spite of [[despair]] staring me in the face on the political horizon, I have never lost my [[peace]]. In fact, I have found people who [[envy]] my peace. That peace, I tell you, comes from ''prayer''; I am not a man of learning, but I humbly claim to be a man of prayer. I am indifferent as to the form. Every one is a [[law]] unto himself in that respect. But there are some well-marked roads, and it is safe to walk along the beaten tracks, trod by the ancient [[teachers]]. Well, I have given my personal testimony. Let every one try and find that as a result of daily prayer, he adds some thing new to his life, something which nothing can be compared. ** [[Mahatma Gandhi]] in ''Young India'' (24 September 1931), also in [http://www.archive.org/details/teachingsofmahat029222mbp ''Teachings Of Mahatma Gandhi'' (1945), edited by Jag Parvesh Chander, p. 457]. * Supplication, worship, prayer are no superstition; they are acts more real than the acts of eating, drinking, sitting or walking. It is no exaggeration to say that they alone are real. ** [[Mahatma Gandhi]], quoted in ''The Ways and Power of Love: Types, Factors, and Techniques of Moral Transformation'' (2002) by Pitirim Aleksandrovich Sorokin, Ch. 18: The Techniques of Altruistic Transformation (''concluded''), p. 339. * Prayer needs no speech. I have not the slightest doubt that prayer is an unfailing means of cleansing the heart of passions. But it must be combined with the utmost humility. **[[Mahatma Gandhi]], quoted in ''The Ways and Power of Love: Types, Factors, and Techniques of Moral Transformation'' (2002) by Pitirim Aleksandrovich Sorokin, Ch. 18: The Techniques of Altruistic Transformation (''concluded''), p. 339. *A prayerful heart is the vehicle and service makes the heart prayerful. **[[Mahatma Gandhi]], quoted in [[Arun Shourie]], ''Preparing: For Death.'' Penguin Random House India Private Limited, 2020. ISBN 935305978X, ISBN 9789353059781 *It is better in prayer to have a heart without words than words without a heart. **[[Mahatma Gandhi]], quoted in [[Arun Shourie]], ''Preparing: For Death.'' Penguin Random House India Private Limited, 2020. ISBN 935305978X, ISBN 9789353059781 [[File:Sagaing, Sun U Ponya Shin 04.jpg|thumb|Do not [[complain]] and cry and [[pray]], but open your eyes and [[see]], for the [[light]] is all about you, and it is so [[wonderful]], so beautiful, so far beyond anything of which men have ever dreamt, for which they have ever prayed, and it is for ever and for ever. ~ [[Gautama Buddha]]]] *Do not [[complain]] and cry and [[pray]], but open your eyes and [[see]], for the [[light]] is all about you, and it is so [[wonderful]], so beautiful, so far beyond anything of which men have ever dreamt, for which they have ever prayed, and it is for ever and for ever. **[[Gautama Buddha]], quoted by [[Charles Webster Leadbeater]], in [[The Masters and the Path|''The Masters and the Path'']] (1925) p. 229 * Nothing fails like prayer. ** Attributed to Anne Nicol Gaylor in {{w|Dan Barker}}, ''The Good Atheist'' (2011), p. 98. * The feeble prayer which a sick person can offer himself is infinitely better than all the prayers offered for him by others. ** ''{{w|Genesis Rabbah}} 53'', ''[http://www.sacred-texts.com/jud/tmm/tmm07.htm Tales and Maxims from the Midrash]'' by Rev. Samuel Rapaport, (1907), p.81 * When {{w|Rebecca}} left her parents' house they blessed her, and prayed that she might be the mother of millions of people (Gen. 24. 60). Yet she was barren till she herself and Isaac supplicated the Lord. Hence we see that it makes a difference who offers prayers.--Gen. Rabba 60. ** ''{{w|Genesis Rabbah}} 60'', ''[http://www.sacred-texts.com/jud/tmm/tmm07.htm Tales and Maxims from the Midrash]'' by Rev. Samuel Rapaport, (1907), p.81-82 * At church, with meek and unaffected [[grace]],<br>His looks adorn'd the venerable place;<br>[[Truth]] from his lips prevailed with double sway,<br>And [[fools]], who came to scoff, remain'd to pray. ** [[Oliver Goldsmith]], ''The Deserted Village'' (1770), line 177. *'''From''' the point of Light within the Mind of God * Let light stream forth into the minds of men. * Let Light descend on Earth. <br> * '''From''' the point of Love within the Heart of God * Let love stream forth into the hearts of men. * May Christ return to Earth.<br> * '''From''' the centre where the Will of God is known * Let purpose guide the little wills of men – * The purpose which the Masters know and serve. <br> * '''From''' the centre which we call the race of men * Let the Plan of Love and Light work out * And may it seal the door where evil dwells.<BR> * '''Let''' Light and Love and Power restore the Plan on Earth. **[[The Great Invocation]] * '''For beginners prayer is like a joyous fire kindled in the heart; for the perfect it is like a vigorous sweet-scented light.''' Or again, prayer is the preaching of the Apostles, an action of faith or, rather, faith itself, 'that makes real for us the things for which we hope' (Heb. 11:1), active love, angelic impulse, the power of the bodiless spirits, their work and delight, the Gospel of God, the heart's assurance, hope of salvation, a sign of purity, a token of holiness, knowledge of God, baptism made manifest, purification in the water of regeneration, a pledge of the Holy Spirit, the exultation of Jesus, the soul's delight, God's mercy, a sign of reconciliation, the seal of Christ, a ray of the noetic sun, the heart's dawn-star, the confirmation of the Christian faith, the disclosure of reconciliation with God, God's grace, God's wisdom or, rather, the origin of true and absolute Wisdom; the revelation of God, the work of monks, the life of hesychasts, the source of stillness, and expression of the angelic state. Why say more? '''Prayer is God, who accomplishes everything in everyone''' (cf. 1 Cor. 12:6), for there is a single action of Father, Son and Holy Spirit, activating all things through Christ Jesus. ** [[Gregory of Sinai]], #113, ''On Commandments and Doctrines''. In: Palmer, G. E. H.; Ware, Kallistos; Sherrard, Philip (1999). ''The Philokalia: The Complete Text. Vol. 4''. Faber and Faber, p. 237-8. ==H== *Narrated As-Saburah: The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: Command a boy to pray when he reaches the age of seven years. When he becomes ten years old, then beat him for prayer. **HADITH Sunan Abu Dawud 2:494 *Narrated Abdullah ibn Amr ibn al-'As: The Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him) said: Command your children to pray when they become seven years old, and beat them for it (prayer) when they become ten years old; and arrange their beds (to sleep) separately. **Sunan Abu Dawud 2:495 * What returns does prayer show? None, if it is real prayer. For prayer is for [[growth]]. We can therefore, never return to what we were thank heaven, for we are growers. So prayer is a call. And it's answered by a call. We call up and we are called on. We're summoned, told to advance, to grow. That's the nerve of prayer, as prayer is the nerve of [[religion]]. ** [[w:Gerald Heard|Gerald Heard]], ''Reflections'' (1959). * He that will learn to pray, let him go to [[Sea]]. ** [[George Herbert]], ''Jacula Prudentum'' (1651), No. 89. * In prayer the lips ne'er act the winning part<br>Without the sweet concurrence of the [[heart]]. ** [[Robert Herrick (poet)|Robert Herrick]], ''Hesperides'' (1648), ''The Heart''. * Prayer invites the Eternal Presence to suffuse or spirits and let [[God]]'s will prevail in our lives. Prayer cannot bring [[water]] to parched fields, or mend a broken bridge, or rebuild a ruined city; but prayer can water an arid [[soul]], mend a broken heart, and rebuild a weakened will. ** Prayer based on statements of [[Abraham Joshua Heschel]] in ''[[w:Shaarei Tefillah|Shaarei Tefillah]]'' (''Gates of Prayer'', a [[w:Siddur|siddur]]). Quoted in ''The Jewish Moral Virtues'' (1999) by Eugene B. Borowitz and Frances Weinman Schwartz. * The focus of prayer is not the [[self]]. … It is the momentary disregard of our personal concerns, the absence of self-centered thoughts, which constitute the art of prayer. [[Feeling]] becomes prayer in the [[moment]] in which we [[Kenosis|forget ourselves]] and become [[aware]] of [[God]]. .... Thus, in beseeching Him for bread, there is ''one'' instant, at least, in which our mind is directed neither to our hunger nor to food, but to His mercy. This instant is prayer. We start with a personal concern and live to feel the utmost. ** [[Abraham Joshua Heschel]], as quoted in ''Judaism'' (1998) by Arthur Hertzberg, p. 300 * Just to be is a [[blessing]]. Just to live is holy. And yet being alive is no answer to the problems of living. To be or not to be is not the question. The vital question is: how to be and how not to be? <br /> The tendency to forget this vital question is the tragic disease of contemporary man, a disease that may prove fatal, that may end in disaster. To pray is to recollect ''passionately'' the perpetual urgency of this vital question. ** [[Abraham Joshua Heschel]], ''Moral Grandeur and Spiritual Audacity: Essays'', p. 264 ==I== * Is there never a chink in the world above<br>Where they listen for words from below? ** [[Jean Ingelow]], "Supper at the Mill", in ''Poems'' (London: Longman, Green, Longman, Roberts, & Green, 1863), p. 48. * The prayer of Noah,<br>He cried out in the darkness, Hear, O God,<br>Hear HIM: hear this one; through the gates of death,<br>If life be all past praying for, O give<br>To Thy great multitude a way to peace;<br>Give them to HIM. ** [[Jean Ingelow]], ''A Story of Doom'', Book IX, Stanza 6, in ''A Story of Doom and Other Poems'' (London: Longmans, Green, and Co., 1867), p. 203. * I have lived to thank God that ''all'' my prayers have not been answered. ** [[Jean Ingelow]], ''Off the Skelligs: A Novel'' (Boston: Roberts Brothers, 1872), Ch. XXXI, p. 571. * It may be that ministers really think that their prayers do good, and it may be that frogs imagine that their croaking brings spring. ** [[Robert G. Ingersoll]], "[http://www.infidels.org/library/historical/robert_ingersoll/which_way.html Which Way?]" (1884). * Who is a worshiper? What is prayer? What is real religion? Let me answer these questions. <br> Good, honest, faithful work, is worship. The man who ploughs the fields and fells the forests; the man who works in mines, the man who battles with the winds and waves out on the wide sea, controlling the commerce of the world; these men are worshipers. The man who goes into the forest, leading his wife by the hand, who builds him a cabin, who makes a home in the wilderness, who helps to people and civilize and cultivate a continent, is a worshiper. <br> Labor is the only prayer that Nature answers; it is the only prayer that deserves an answer, — good, honest, noble work. ** [[Robert G. Ingersoll]], in [http://www.infidels.org/library/historical/robert_ingersoll/blasphemy_trial.html appeal to the jury in the trial of C.B. Reynolds for blasphemy (May 1887)]. ==J== * If a brother or sister be naked, and destitute of daily food, and one of you say unto them, "Depart in peace, be ye warmed and filled"; notwithstanding ye give them not those things which are needful to the body; what doth it profit? Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead. **[[Epistle of James|James]] 2:15-17 ([[King James Version|KJV]]). * The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. **[[Epistle of James|James]] 5:16 ([[King James Version|KJV]]). * But petitional prayer is only one department of prayer; and if we take the word in the wider sense as meaning every kind of inward communion or conversation with the power recognized as divine, we can easily see that scientific criticism leaves it untouched. Prayer in this wide sense is the very soul and essence of religion. ** [[William James]], ''Varieties of Religious Experience'' (1902), Lecture XIX, "Other Characteristics". * But though I repeated my plea, and waited on my knees for nearly an hour, there was no answer. ** [[N. K. Jemisin]], ''[[w:The Broken Kingdoms|The Broken Kingdoms]]'' (2011), Chapter 9 *Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name; thy kingdom come; thy will be done; on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation; but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory, for ever and ever. Amen. **Jesus, in [[Gospel of Matthew|Matthew]] 6:9-13 , as quoted in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/lord-s-prayer-be-given-three-versions-1411325.html Lord's Prayer to be given in three versions, by Andrew Brown, ''Independent UK''], (18 September 2011) ==K== * I have visited a few astronauts, but all three either ignored me or prayed. The senseless chanting, I confess, repulsed me. ** [[Jaroslav Kalfař]], ''[[w:List of fictional astronauts (exploration of inner Solar System)|Spaceman of Bohemia]]'' (2017), Chapter 6 * If prayer is an offering of the lips and pleasing to God, then mercifulness is actually the heart’s offering and is, as Scripture says, a sweet fragrance in God’s nostrils. Oh, when you think of God, never forget that he does not have the least understanding about money. My listener, if you were a speaker, what assignment would you choose: to speak to the rich about practicing generosity or to the poor about practicing mercifulness? I am quite sure which one I would choose or, rather, which one I have chosen-if only I were a speaker. Oh, there is something indescribably reconciling in speaking to the poor man about practicing mercifulness! ** [[Søren Kierkegaard]], ''Works of Love'' (1847), as translated by H. and E. Hong (1995) p. 321-322 * The surprising happened to him. In proportion as he became more and more earnest in prayer, he had less and less to say, and in the end he became quite silent. He became silent – indeed, what is if possible still more expressly the opposite of speaking, he became a hearer. He had supposed that to pray is to speak; he learnt that to pray is not merely to be silent but to hear. And so it is; to pray is not to hear oneself speak, but it is to be silent, and to remain silent, to wait, until the man who prays hears God. ** [[Soren Kierkegaard]] Kierkegaard’s Christian Discourses & The Lilies of the Field & the Birds of the Air & The Discourses at the Communion on Fridays translated by Walter Lowrie Oxford University Press 1961 - p. 323 *Lord Jesus Christ, our foolish minds are weak; they are more than willing to be drawn&mdash;and there is so much that wants to draw us to itself. There is pleasure with its seductive power, the multiplicity with its bewildering distractions, the moment with its infatuating importance and the conceited laboriousness of busyness and the careless time-wasting of light-mindedness and the gloomy brooding of heavy-mindedness&mdash;all this will draw us away from ourselves to itself in order to deceive us. But you, who are truth, only you, our Savior and Redeemer, can truly draw a person to yourself, which you have promised to do&mdash;that you will draw all to yourself. Then may God grant that by repenting we may come to ourselves, so that you, according to your Word, can draw us to yourself&mdash;from on high, but through lowliness and abasement. ** [[Søren Kierkegaard]], ''Practice in Christianity'' (1850), as translated by H. and E. Hong (1991), p. 157 * In the face of real danger Elak forgot the gods and drew his rapier. Prayers, he had found, would not halt a dagger’s blow or a strangler’s hands. ** [[Henry Kuttner]], ''The Spawn Of Dagon'' (Originally published in the July 1938 issue of ''[[w:Weird Tales|Weird Tales]]).'' ==L== * All the world screamed. The Reverend did not pray, having decided long ago his boss had already made up his mind about things. ** [[w:Joe R. Lansdale|Joe R. Lansdale]], ''The Red-Headed Dead'' (2014), in [[w:John Joseph Adams|John Joseph Adams]] (ed.), ''Dead Man’s Hand,'' {{ISBN|9781781164501}}, p. 14 * A knowledge of the hidden side of life by no means teaches us to forget our [[dead]], but it makes us exceedingly careful as to how we think of them; it warns us that we must adopt a resolutely unselfish attitude, that we must forget all about ourselves, and the pain of the apparent separation, and think of them neither with grief nor with longing, but always with strong affectionate wishes for their happiness and their progress. The [[clairvoyant]] sees exactly in what manner such wishes affect them, and at once perceives the truth which underlies the teaching of the [[Catholic Church]] with regard to the advisability of prayers for the dead. By these both the living and the dead are helped; for the former, instead of being thrown back upon his grief with a hopeless feeling that now he can do nothing, since there is a great gulf between himself and his loved one, is encouraged to turn his affectionate thought into definite action which promotes the happiness and advancement of him who has passed from his sight in the physical world. **[[C.W. Leadbeater]] ''The Hidden Side of things'' by [[C.W. Leadbeater]], (1913) * If she had supposed the gods ever listened, she would have prayed. ** [[Tanith Lee]], ''Game Players'' in ''[[w:Night's Sorceries|Night's Sorceries]]'' (1987), p. 214 * He spake a parable unto them to this end, that men ought always to pray, and not to faint. **[[w:Gospel of Luke|Luke]] 18:1 ([[w:Authorized King James Version|KJV]]) == M == * Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed. ** [[Gospel of Mark]] 1:35. * For verily I say unto you, That whosoever shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; and shall not doubt in his heart, but shall believe that those things which he saith shall come to pass; he shall have whatsoever he saith. Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them. ** Attributed to [[Jesus]] in [[w:Gospel of Mark|Mark]] [[s:Bible (King James)/Mark#11:23|11:23-24]] ([[w:Authorized King James Version|KJV]]). * Prayer was not so much a matter of asking for something as a clear statement of what was important to you; a definition of who you were, and what you lacked, what you were sorry for, what you wished to be. A peeling away to your essence. ** [[w:fr:Mary McMullen|Mary McMullen]], ''Death by Bequest'' (1977), Ch. 19. * She thought about praying, but learned long ago there’d be no answer. ** [[Brad Meltzer]], ''[[w:The Escape Artist (novel)|The Escape Artist]]'' (2018), <small> {{ISBN|978-1-4555-5952-7}}, </small> p. 351 * “My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.” ** [[Thomas Merton]], ''[https://search.worldcat.org/title/1151459178 Thoughts In Solitude]'' (1956) * “And for what it’s worth, which in my professional opinion isn’t a bloody lot, I’ll pray for you.”<br>“Pray to what?” Marge said. He smiled....<br>“Fuck it,” the man said. “Tell you what. What’s the point collecting stuff you don’t use? I’ll pray to all of them.” ** [[China Miéville]], ''[[w:Kraken (Novel)|Kraken]]'' (2010), {{ISBN|978-0-345-49749-9}}, Chapter 44 (p. 268; ellipsis represents a one-sentence elision of description) * For those who do not guard their morals,<br>Prayers are but wishful thinking.<br>For those who do not practice what they preach,<br>Oratory is but faithless lying. ** [[Milarepa]], ''Songs of Milarepa'', as translated and edited by Garma C. C. Chang (1975), p. 17 * Hear his sighs though mute;<br>Unskillful with what words to pray, let me<br>Interpret for him. ** [[John Milton]], ''[[Paradise Lost]]'' (1667; 1674), Book XI, line 31. * But that from us aught should ascend to Heav'n<br>So prevalent as to concern the mind<br>Of God, high-bless'd, or to incline His will,<br>Hard to belief may seem; yet this will prayer. ** [[John Milton]], ''[[Paradise Lost]]'' (1667; 1674), Book XI, line 143. * And if by prayer<br>Incessant I could hope to change the will<br>Of Him who all things can, I would not cease<br>To weary Him with my assiduous cries. ** [[John Milton]], ''[[Paradise Lost]]'' (1667; 1674), Book XI, line 307. * ''Mein einziges Gebet ist das um Vertiefung. Durch sie allein kann ich wieder zu Gott gelangen. Vertiefung! Vertiefung!'' ** My only prayer is a prayer for depth. Through depth alone can I come closer to God. Depth! Depth! *** [[Christian Morgenstern]], ''Stufen: Eine Entwickelung in Aphorismen und Tagebuch-Notizen'' (1922), p. 14. ==N== *There are not petitional or [[w:intercessory prayer|intercessory prayers]] in Buddhism. However much we may pray to the Buddha we cannot be saved. The Buddha does not grant favors to those who pray to Him. Instead of petitional prayers there is [[meditation]] that leads to self-control, purification and enlightenment. Meditation is neither a silent reverie nor keeping the mind blank. It is an active striving. It serves as a tonic both to the heart and the mind. The Buddha not only speaks of the futility of offering prayers but also disparages a slave mentality. A Buddhist should not pray to be saved, but should rely on himself and win his freedom. ** [[Narada Maha Thera]], ''Buddhism in a Nutshell'' ==P== * I don't need to pray. I have God in myself. ** [[Ashraf Pahlavi]], ''[http://www.people.com/people/archive/article/0,,20076413,00.html In Bitter American Exile, the Shah's Twin Sister, Ashraf, Defends Their Dynasty]'', ''[[w:People (magazine)|People]]'' (May 05, 1980) * I will pray with my spirit, but I will pray with my mind also; I will sing praise with my spirit, but I will sing with my mind also. ** [[Paul of Tarsus]], [[1 Corinthians]] 14:15 [[w:English Standard Version|ESV]] * Praying without ceasing is not ritualized, nor are there even words. It is a constant state of awareness of oneness with God; it is a sincere seeking for a good thing; and it is a concentration on the thing sought, with faith that it is obtainable. ** [[Peace Pilgrim]], ''Peace Pilgrim: Her Life and Work in Her Own Words‎'' (1994), p. 75. * I talk to God but the sky is empty. ** [[Sylvia Plath]], Draft of letter to Richard Sassoon ({{#formatdate:1950-02-19}}), collected in Karen V. Kukil (ed.), ''The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath'' (2000). * I used to pray to recover you. ** [[Sylvia Plath]], "[[w:Daddy (poem)|Daddy]]" (October 12, 1962), line 14; published posthumously in ''[[w:Ariel (poetry collection)|Ariel]]'' (1965). * Oh dear [[w:Pan (god)|Pan]] and all the other Gods of this place, grant that I may be beautiful inside. ** [[Plato]], [[Socrates|Socrates’]] prayer in ''Phaedrus'', 279 * He pray'd by quantity,<br>And with his repetitions, long and loud,<br>All knees were weary. ** [[Robert Pollok]], ''The Course of Time'' (1827), Part VIII, line 628. * Oats knelt in the mud and tried a prayer, but there was no answering voice from the sky. There never had been. He’d been told never to expect one. That wasn’t how Om worked anymore. Alone of all the gods, he’d been taught, Om delivered the answers straight into the depths of the head. Since the prophet Brutha, Om was the silent god. That’s what they said.<br>If you didn’t have faith, then you weren’t anything. There was just the dark.<br>He shuddered in the gloom. Was the god silent, or was there no one to speak? ** [[Discworld|Terry Pratchett]], ''Carpe Jugulum'' (1998) * That’s what prayers are...it’s frightened people trying to make friends with the bully! ** [[Discworld|Terry Pratchett]], ''The Last Hero'' (2001) * God detests the prayers of a person who ignores the law. ** [[Solomon]], [[Proverbs]] 28:9, New Living Translation ==Q== * '''When trouble toucheth a man, He crieth unto Us (in all postures)- lying down on his side, or sitting, or standing. But when We have solved his trouble, he passeth on his way as if he had never cried to Us for a trouble that touched him!''' thus do the deeds of transgressors seem fair in their eyes! ** [[Quran]] 10: 12 * "Observe prayer at early morning, at the close of the day, and at the approach of night; for the good deeds drive away the evil deeds." ** [[Quran]] * "Put up then with what they say; and celebrate the praise of thy Loud before the sunrise, and before its setting: and some time in the night do thou praise Him, and in the extremes of the day, that thou haply mayest please Him." ** [[Quran]] * "Observe prayer at sunset, till the first darkening of the night, and the daybreak reading-for the daybreak reading hath its witnesses', and watch unto it in the night: this shall he an excess in service." ** [[Quran]] * "Seek aid with patience and prayer." ** [[Quran]] * "When ye have fulfilled your prayer, remember God standing and sitting, and lying on your sides; and when ye are in safety, then be steadfast in prayer-. Verily prayer is for the believers prescribed and timed." ** [[Quran]] ==R== * But what happens in true petitionary prayer when it is part of genuine religion? Human beings face the incomprehensible plan of their existence, which they accept as at once incomprehensible and yet as originating in the wisdom and love of God; however it may turn out, whether it brings life or death. people then have a sense of themselves, with their own identity and vital impulses, as willed by God, without waiting to produce or force an intelligible synthesis between their vital impulses and the plan of their existence. And so they say Yes to the incomprehensibility of God and to their own will to live, without wanting to know how the two fit together. The unity of the two, which is not something that we can create, is petitionary prayer, since '''it is only prayer if it says radically, "Your will, not mine", and it would not be petitionary prayer if it did not dare to ask God for something which we had thought of ourselves'''. Petitionary prayer is thus simply actualising the incomprehensibility of human existence which, down to the last fibre, comes from God alone and goes out to him, and yet is such that it can hold its own before God and not be destroyed. ** [[Karl Rahner]] and [[w:de:Karl-Heinz Weger|Karl-Heinz Weger]], ''Our Christian Faith'', translated by Francis McDonagh (London: Burns & Oates, 1980), pp. 63–64. * [[Passion]] is the [[power]] of prayer. ** [[Hiratsuka Raichō]], ''In The Beginning Woman Was The Sun'' (『元始、女性は太陽であった』, ''Genshi, josei wa taiyō de atta''), first published 1971-1973; translated by Teruko Craig in {{cite book |title=In the Beginning, Woman was the Sun: The Autobiography of a Japanese Feminist |date=2010 |publisher=Columbia University Press |isbn=978-0-231-13813-0 |page=157 |url=https://www.google.com/books/edition/In_the_Beginning_Woman_was_the_Sun/h4O-AwAAQBAJ?hl=en-419&gbpv=1&pg=PA157}} * The Divine wisdom has given us prayer, not as a means whereby to obtain the good things of earth, but as a means whereby we learn to do without them; not as a means whereby we escape evil, but as a means whereby we become strong to meet it. ** [[Frederick William Robertson]], quoted in ''[http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/8534# Daily Strength for Daily Needs]'' (1884), selected by Mary Tileston, February 22nd. * It is not by prayer and humility that you cause things to go as you wish, but by acquiring a knowledge of natural laws. ** [[Bertrand Russell]], ''[[The Impact of Science on Society]]'' (1952), Ch. 1 : Science and Tradition. * When does the building of the Spirit really begin to appear in a man's heart? It begins, so far as we can judge, when he first pours out his heart to God in prayer. ** [[J. C. Ryle]], ''Do You Pray?'' (Ipswich: Hunt & Son, 1852), , p. 22. ==S== * I do not pray to ask God for things. I pray to thank God for bringing me where I am. ** the character Salim in the speculative fiction television series ''[[American Gods (TV series)|American Gods]]'' (first season, 2017) * “You and your wife are in the prayers of me and our church,” he says to Rimney. “Despite of what you may think of me.”<br>“You’re in my prayers, too,” says Rimney. “I’m always praying you stop being so sanctimonious and miraculously get less full of shit.” ** [[w:George Saunders|George Saunders]], ''CommComm'' (2005) reprinted in Rich Horton (ed.), ''Fantasy: The Best of the Year 2006,'' p. 83 * It was quite incomprehensible to me — this was before I began going to school — why in my evening prayers I should pray for human beings only. So when my mother had prayed with me and had kissed me good-night, I used to add silently a prayer that I had composed myself for all living creatures. It ran thus: "O, heavenly Father, protect and bless all things that have breath; guard them from all evil, and let them sleep in peace." ** [[Albert Schweitzer]], ''Memoirs of Childhood and Youth''; in ''Reverence for Life: An Anthology of Selected Writings'', edited by Thomas Kiernan, New York: Philosophical Library, 1965, p. 1. * Prayer is the expression of desire; its value comes from our inward aspirations, from their tenor and their strength. Take away desire, the prayer ceases; increase or diminish its intensity, the prayer soars upward or has no wings. Inversely, take away the expression while leaving the desire, and the prayer in many ways remains intact. Has a child who says nothing but looks longingly at a toy in a shop-window, and then at his smiling mother, not formulated the most moving prayer? And even if he had not seen the toy, is not the desire for play, innate in the child as is the thirst for movement, in the eyes of his parents a standing prayer which they grant? ** [[w:Antonin Sertillanges|Antonin Sertillanges]], ''The Intellectual Life'' (1920), translated by Mary Ryan. Cork: The Mercier Press, 1948, p. 57. * Bow, stubborn knees; and, heart, with strings of steel,<br>Be soft as sinews of the new-born babe. ** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Hamlet]]'' (1600-02), Act III, scene 3, line 70. * My words fly up, my thoughts remain below;<br>Words without thoughts never to heaven go. ** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Hamlet]]'' (1600-02), Act III, scene 3. * All his mind is bent to holiness,<br>To number Ave-Maries on his beads. ** [[William Shakespeare]], [[Henry VI, Part 2|''Henry VI'', Part II]] (c. 1590-91), Act I, scene 3, line 58. * Rather let my head<br>Stoop to the block than these knees bow to any<br>Save to the God of heaven and to my king. ** [[William Shakespeare]], [[Henry VI, Part 2|''Henry VI'', Part II]] (c. 1590-91), Act IV, scene 1, line 124. * Go with me, like good angels, to my end;<br>And, as the long divorce of steel falls on me,<br>Make of your prayers one sweet sacrifice,<br>And lift my soul to heaven. ** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Henry VIII (play)|Henry VIII]]'' ([[w:Henry VIII (play)#Date|c. 1613]]), Act II, scene 1, line 75. * My prayers<br>Are not words duly hallow'd nor my wishes<br>More worth than empty vanities; yet prayers and wishes<br>Are all I can return. ** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Henry VIII (play)|Henry VIII]]'' ([[w:Henry VIII (play)#Date|c. 1613]]), Act II, scene 3, line 67. * "Amen"<br>Stuck in my throat. ** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Macbeth]]'' (1605), Act II, scene 2, line 32. * When I would pray and think, I think and pray<br>To several subjects; Heaven hath my empty words. ** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Measure for Measure]]'' (1603), Act II, scene 4, line 1. * His worst fault is, that he is given to prayer; he is something peevish that way; but nobody but has his fault; but let that pass. ** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Merry Wives of Windsor]]'' (published 1602), Act I, scene 4, line 13. * Well, if my wind were but long enough to say my prayers, I would repent. ** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Merry Wives of Windsor]]'' (published 1602), Act IV, scene 5, line 104. * If you bethink yourself of any crime<br>Unreconcil'd as yet to heaven and grace,<br>Solicit for it straight. ** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Othello]]'' (c. 1603), Act V, scene 2, line 26. * I find that prayers don’t work when you need them most. Unless you answer them for yourself. ** [[Charles Sheffield]], ''The Mind Pool'' (1993), <small> {{ISBN|0-671-72165-8}}, </small> p. 259 (Chapter 26) * If he is infinitely good, what reason should we have to fear him?<br />If he is infinitely wise, why should we have doubts concerning our future?<br />If he knows all, why warn him of our needs and fatigue him with our prayers?<br />If he is everywhere, why erect temples to him?<br />If he is just, why fear that he will punish the creatures that he has filled with weaknesses? ** [[Percy Bysshe Shelley]], ''The Necessity of Atheism'' (1811) * Prayer is not used to inform, for God is omniscient; not to move compassion, for God is without passions; not to show gratitude, for God knows our hearts. May not a man, that has true notions, be a pious man, though he be silent? ** [[William Shenstone]], ''Essays on Men, Manners and Things'', "On Religion", in ''The Works in Verse and Prose of William Shenstone'' Vol. II (London: R. and J. Dodsley, 1764), p. 309. * For Adoration, incense comes<br>From bezoar, and [[Arabia]]n gums,<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;And from the civet’s fur:<br>But as for prayer, or e’er it faints,<br>Far better is the breath of saints<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;Than galbanum or myrrh. ** [[W:Christopher Smart|Christopher Smart]], ''A Song to David'' (1763) * Children are the keys of Paradise … They alone are good and wise, Because their thoughts, their very lives, are prayer. ** [[Richard Henry Stoddard]], ''Songs of Summer'' (1856), p. 113. ==T== * The first things that hinders the prayer of a good man from obtaining its effects is a violent anger, and a violent storm in the spirit him who prayers. ** [[Jeremy Taylor]], Works of Jeremy Taylor, Anthology of English Prose (Dent 1948) * At the highest level of consciousness, an individual is alone. Such solitude can seem strange, unusual, even difficult. Foolish people try to escape it by means of various dissipations in order to get away from this high point, to some lower point, but wise people remain at this high point, with the help of prayer. ** [[Leo Tolstoy]], ''A Calendar of Wisdom'', P. Sekirin, trans. (1997) * Not prayer without faith, nor faith without prayer, but prayer in faith, is the cost of spiritual gifts and graces. ** [[Henry Clay Trumbull]] (1895), ''Dictionary of Burning Words of Brilliant Writers,'' p. 221 * It is best to read the weather forecast before we pray for rain. ** [[Mark Twain]], in Merle Johnson (ed.), ''More Maxims of Mark'' (1927), p. 8 ==W== [[File:Simone Weil 1931.jpg|thumb|right|School children and students who love God should never say: “For my part I like mathematics”; “I like French”; “I like Greek.” They should learn to like all these subjects, because all of them develop that faculty of attention which, directed toward God, is the very substance of prayer. ~ [[Simone Weil]]]] * School children and students who love God should never say: “For my part I like mathematics”; “I like French”; “I like Greek.” They should learn to like all these subjects, because all of them develop that faculty of attention which, directed toward God, is the very substance of prayer. ** [[Simone Weil]], ''Waiting for God'' (1951), p. 105. * MENDEL: Once you’re on your knees, you can’t stand up straight again. ** [[Elie Wiesel]], ''The Trial of God'' (1979), Act I * True prayer is waiting for God to come when and how He wants to. ** Edmund Wojtyła, older brother of Karol Wojtyła (later [[Pope John Paul II]]) as quoted in Evert, Jason. Saint John Paul the Great: His Five Loves (Kindle Locations 188-189). Totus Tuus Press. * Rapt into still communion that transcends<br>The imperfect offices of prayer and praise,<br>His mind was a thanksgiving to the power<br>That made him; it was blessedness and love! ** [[William Wordsworth]], ''The Excursion'' ==U== * God, though this life is but a wraith,<br>Although we know not what we use,<br>Although we grope with little faith,<br>Give me the heart to fight—and lose. ** [[Louis Untermeyer]], "Prayer", line 1, in ''Challenge'' (New York: The Century Co., 1915), p. 7. * From compromise and things half done,<br>Keep me with stern and stubborn pride;<br>And when, at last, the fight is won,<br>God, keep me still unsatisfied. ** [[Louis Untermeyer]], "Prayer", line 17, in ''Challenge'' (New York: The Century Co., 1914), p. 8. ==Y== * We ask for the aid of thy Holy Spirit to teach us how to pray, what we should ask for, and how to ask that we may receive. ** [[Brigham Young]], quoted in "Researcher uncovers clearer image of Brigham Young," ''Deseret News'' * Prayer ardent opens heaven. ** [[Edward Young]], ''Night Thoughts'' (1742-1745), Night VIII, line 721. ==Z== * Insofar as I may be heard by anything, which may or may not care what I say, I ask, if it matters, that you be forgiven for anything you may have done or failed to do which requires forgiveness. Conversely, if not forgiveness but something else may be required to insure any possible benefit for which you may be eligible after the destruction of your body, I ask that this, whatever it may be, be granted or withheld, as the case may be, in such a manner as to insure your receiving said benefit. I ask this in my capacity as your elected intermediary between yourself and that which may not be yourself, but which may have an interest in the matter of your receiving as much as it is possible for you to receive of this thing, and which may in some way be influenced by this ceremony. Amen. ** [[Roger Zelazny]], ''Creatures of Light and Darkness'' (1969), Chapter 3, “Death, Life, the Magician and Roses” ==''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations''== :<small>Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 625-29.</small> * Yet then from all my grief, O Lord,<br> Thy mercy set me free,<br>Whilst in the confidence of pray'r<br> My soul took hold on thee. ** [[Joseph Addison]], ''Miscellaneous Poems'', ''Divine Ode, made by a Gentleman on the Conclusion of his Travels'', Verse 6. * And from the prayer of Want, and plaint of Woe,<br> O never, never turn away thine ear!<br>Forlorn, in this bleak wilderness below,<br> Ah! what were man, should Heaven refuse to hear! ** [[James Beattie]], ''The Lay of the Last Minstrel'' (1805), Book I, Stanza 29. * She knows [[omnipotence]] has heard her prayer<br> And cries, "It shall be done—sometime, somewhere." **Ophelia G. Browning, ''Unanswered''. * Just my [[vengeance]] complete,<br>The man sprang to his feet,<br>Stood erect, caught at God's skirts, and prayed!<br>So, I was afraid! ** [[Robert Browning]], ''Instans Tyrannus'', VII. * They never sought in [[vain]] that sought the Lord aright! ** [[Robert Burns]], ''The Cotter's Saturday Night'' (1786), Stanza 6. * Father! no [[prophet]]'s laws I seek,—<br> Thy laws in Nature's works appear;—<br>I own myself [[Corruption|corrupt]] and [[Weakness|weak]],<br> Yet will I pray, for thou wilt hear. ** [[Lord Byron]], ''Prayer of Nature''. * Father of Light! Great God of Heaven!<br> Hear'st thou the accents of [[despair]]?<br>Can [[guilt]] like man's be e'er [[Forgiveness|forgiven]]?<br> Can [[Vices|vice]] atone for [[Crime|crimes]] by prayer? ** [[Lord Byron]], ''Prayer of Nature''. * Pray to be [[Perfection|perfect]], though material leaven<br>Forbid the spirit so on earth to be;<br>But if for any wish thou darest not pray,<br>Then pray to God to cast that wish away. ** [[Hartley Coleridge]], ''Poems'' (posthumous), ''Prayer''. * The [[saints]] will aid if men will call:<br>For the blue sky bends over all. ** [[Samuel Taylor Coleridge]], ''Christabel'' (c. 1797-1801, published 1816), conclusion to Part 1. * But maybe prayer is a road to rise,<br>A mountain path leading toward the skies<br>To assist the spirit who truly [[try|tries]].<br>But it isn't a shibboleth, creed, nor code,<br>It isn't a pack-horse to carry your load,<br>It isn't a wagon, it's only a road.<br>And perhaps the reward of the spirit who tries<br>Is not the goal, but the exercise! ** Edmund Vance Cooke, ''Prayer'', ''The Uncommon Commoner''. * Not as we wanted it,<br>But as God granted it. ** [[Arthur Quiller-Couch]], ''To Bearers''. * I always pray before any of the operation. I think God help me know what to do. ** [[Ben Carson]], ''Gifted Hands: The Ben Carson Story''. (p. 194). * And [[Satan]] trembles when he sees<br>The weakest saint upon his knees. ** [[William Cowper]], ''Hymns'', ''Exhortation to Prayer''. * I ask not a life for the dear ones,<br> All radiant, as others have done,<br>But that life may have just enough shadow<br> To temper the glare of the [[sun]];<br>I would pray God to guard them from [[evil]],<br> But my prayer would bound back to myself:<br>Ah! a [[Seraphim|seraph]] may pray for a sinner,<br> But a sinner must pray for himself. **Charles M. Dickinson, ''The Children''. * Our [[vows]] are heard betimes! and Heaven takes care<br> To grant, before we can conclude the prayer:<br>Preventing angels met it half the way,<br> And sent us back to [[praise]], who came to pray. ** [[John Dryden]], ''Britannia Rediviva'', first lines. * Grant [[folly|folly's]] prayers that hinder folly's wish,<br>And serve the ends of [[wisdom]]. ** [[George Eliot]], ''The Spanish Gypsy'' (1868), Book IV. * Almighty Father! let thy lowly child,<br> Strong in his [[love]] of [[truth]], be wisely [[Audacity|bold]],—<br>A patriot bard, by [[Sycophancy|sycophants]] reviled,<br> Let him live usefully, and not die old! ** Ebenezer Elliott, ''Corn Law Rhymes'', ''A Poet's Prayer''. * Though I am weak, yet God, when prayed,<br>Cannot withhold his conquering aid. ** [[Ralph Waldo Emerson]], ''The Nun's Aspiration''. * True prayer is only another name for the love of God. Its excellence does not consist in the multitude of our words; for our Father knoweth what things we have need of before we ask Him. The true prayer is that of the heart, and the heart prays only for what it desires. To pray, then, is to desire — but to desire what God would have us desire.<br>He who desires not from the bottom of his heart, offers a deceitful prayer. ** [[François Fénelon]], ''Pious Thoughts'', ''Advice Concerning Prayer''. Mrs. Mant's translation. * Ejaculations are short prayers darted up to God on emergent occasions. They are the artillery of devotion, and their principal use is against the fiery darts of the [[devil]]. ** [[Thomas Fuller]], ''Good Thoughts in Bad Times'', ''Meditations on all Kinds of Prayers'', Ejaculations, their Use, V. * So a good prayer, though often used, is still fresh and fair in the ears and eyes of Heaven. ** [[Thomas Fuller]], ''Good Thoughts in Bad Times'', ''Meditations on all Kinds of Prayers'', XII. * O Lord of [[Courage]] grave,<br> O Master of this night of Spring!<br>Make firm in me a heart too brave<br> To ask Thee anything. ** [[John Galsworthy]]. * Who goes to bed, and doth not pray,<br>Maketh two nights to every day! ** [[George Herbert]], ''The Temple'' (1633), ''The Church'', ''Charms and Knots'', Stanza 4. * Resort to [[Sermon|sermons]], but to prayers most:<br>Praying's the end of preaching. ** [[George Herbert]], ''The Temple'' (1633), ''The Church Porch'', Stanza 69. * O God, if in the day of [[battle]] I forget Thee, do not Thou forget me. ** William King attributes the prayer to a soldier, in his ''Anecdotes of his own time'', p. 7. (Ed. 1818). * My brother kneels, so saith Kabir,<br>To stone and brass in heathen-wise,<br>But in my brother's voice I hear<br>My own unanswered agonies.<br>His God is as his fates assign<br>His prayer is all the world's—and mine. ** [[Rudyard Kipling]], ''Song of Kabir''. * I ask and wish not to appear<br>More beauteous, rich or gay:<br>Lord, make me wiser every year,<br> And better every day. ** [[Charles Lamb]], ''A Birthday Thought''. * You know I say<br>Just what I think, and nothing more nor less,<br>And, when I pray, my heart is in my prayer.<br>I cannot say one thing and mean another:<br>If I can't pray, I will not make believe! ** [[Henry Wadsworth Longfellow]], ''Christus'', Part III, ''Giles Corey'', Act II, scene 3. * Let one unceasing, earnest prayer<br>Be, too, for light, for [[strength]] to bear<br>Our portion of the [[Responsibility|weight of care]],<br>That crushes into dumb [[despair]]<br> One half the [[humanity|human race]]. ** [[Henry Wadsworth Longfellow]], ''Goblet of Life'', Stanza 10. * Like one in prayer I stood. ** [[Henry Wadsworth Longfellow]], ''Voices of the Night'', prelude, Stanza 11. * ''Vigilate et orate.'' ** Watch and pray. ** Mark, XIII. 33. (From the Vulgate). * ''O Domine Deus! speravi in te;<br>O care mi Jesu! nunc libera me.<br>In dura catena, in misera poena,<br>Disidero te.<br>Languendo, jemendo, et genuflectendo,<br>Adoro, imploro, ut liberes me!'' ** O Lord, my God,<br> I have trusted in Thee;<br> O Jesu, my dearest One,<br> Now set me free.<br> In prison's oppression,<br> In sorrow's obsession,<br> I weary for Thee.<br> With sighing and crying,<br> Bowed down in dying,<br> I adore Thee, I implore Thee, set me free. ** [[Mary, Queen of Scots]]; written in her ''Book of Devotion'' before her execution. Translation by [[Swinburne]], ''Mary Stuart''. * God warms his hands at man's heart when he prays. ** [[John Masefield]], ''Widow in the Bye Street'', Part VI. * Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. ** Matthew, VII. 7. * Every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth. ** Matthew, VII. 8. * Not what we wish, but what we want,<br> Oh! let thy grace supply,<br>The good unask'd, in [[mercy]] grant;<br> The ill, though ask'd, deny. ** [[James Merrick]], ''Hymn''. * Prayer is the soul's sincere desire,<br> Uttered or unexpressed,<br>The motion of a hidden fire<br> That trembles in the breast. ** [[James Montgomery]], ''Original Hymns'', ''What is Prayer?'' * Prayer moves the arm<br>Which moves the [[world]],<br>And brings [[salvation]] down. ** [[James Montgomery]], ''Prayer''. * As down in the sunless retreats of the ocean<br> Sweet [[flowers]] are springing no mortal can see,<br>So deep in my soul the still prayer of devotion<br> Unheard by the world, rises silent to Thee. ** [[Thomas Moore]], ''As Down in the Sunless Retreats''. * O sad estate<br>Of human wretchedness; so weak is man,<br>So [[Ignorance|ignorant]] and [[Blindness|blind]], that did not God<br>Sometimes withhold in [[mercy]] what we ask,<br>We should be ruined at our own request. ** [[Hannah More]], ''Moses in the Bulrushes'', Part I. * Now I lay me down to take my sleep,<br>I pray thee, Lord, my soul to keep;<br>If I should die before I wake,<br>I pray thee, Lord, my soul to take. ** ''New England Primer'' (1814). * Father of All! in every age,<br> In every clime ador'd,<br>By saint, by savage, and by sage,<br> Jehovah, Jove, or Lord! ** [[Alexander Pope]], ''Universal Prayer''. * If I am right, Thy [[grace]] impart,<br> Still in the right to stay;<br>If I am wrong, O teach my heart<br> To find that better way! ** [[Alexander Pope]], ''Universal Prayer''. * In all thou dost first let thy Prayers ascend,<br>And to the Gods thy Labours first commend,<br>From them implore Success, and [[hope]] a prosperous End. ** [[Pythagoras]], ''Golden Verses'', line 49. See M. Dacier's ''Life of Pythagoras''. * They were ordinary [[soldiers]], just the common Jean and Hans,<br>One from the valley of the Rhine and one from fair Provence.<br>They were simple-hearted fellows — every night each said his prayer:<br>The one prayed Vater Unser and the other Notre Père. ** Charles Alex Richmond, ''Lord's Prayer''. * At the muezzin's call for prayer,<br>The kneeling [[faithful]] thronged the square,<br>And on Pushkara's lofty height<br>The dark priest chanted Brahma's might.<br>Amid a monastery's weeds<br>An old Franciscan told his beads;<br>While to the synagogue there came<br>A Jew to praise Jehovah's name.<br>The one great God looked down and smiled<br>And counted each His loving child;<br>For Turk and Brahmin, monk and Jew<br>Had reached Him through the gods they knew. **Harry Romaine, ''Ad Cœlum'', in ''Munsey's Magazine'' (January 1895). * I pray the prayer the Easterners do,<br>May the [[peace]] of [[Allah]] abide with you;<br>Wherever you stay, wherever you go,<br>May the beautiful palms of Allah grow;<br>Through days of labor, and nights of rest,<br>The love of Good Allah make you blest;<br>So I touch my heart—as the Easterners do,<br>May the peace of Allah abide with you. ** ''Salaam Alaikum'' (peace be with you). Author unknown. * ''In vota miseros ultimus cogit timor.'' ** Fear of death drives the wretched to prayer. ** [[Seneca the Younger]], ''Agamemnon'', 560. * ''Nulla res carius constat quam quæ precibus empta est.'' ** Nothing costs so much as what is bought by prayers. ** [[Seneca the Younger]], ''De Beneficiis'', II. 1. * The first petition that we are to make to Almighty [[God]] is for a good conscience, the next for health of mind, and then of body. ** [[Seneca the Younger]], ''Epistles'', XIV. * [[Earth]] bears no balsams for mistakes;<br> Men crown the knave, and scourge the tool<br>That did his will: but thou, O Lord,<br> Be merciful to me, a fool. ** Edward Rowland Sill, ''The Fool's Prayer''. * Four things which are not in thy treasury,<br>I lay before thee, Lord, with this petition:—<br> My nothingness, my wants,<br> My sins, and my contrition. ** [[Robert Southey]], Occasional Pieces, XIX. Imitated from the Persian. * Prayers are heard in [[heaven]] very much in proportion to our faith. Little [[faith]] will get very great mercies, but great faith still greater. ** [[Charles Spurgeon]], ''Gleanings Among the Sheaves'', ''Believing Prayer''. * To pray together, in whatever tongue or ritual, is the most tender brotherhood of hope and sympathy that men can contract in this life. ** [[Anne Louise Germaine de Staël]], ''Corinne'' (1807), Book X, Chapter V. * Holy Father, in thy mercy,<br> Hear our anxious prayer.<br>Keep our loved ones, now far absent, <br> 'Neath Thy care. ** Isabella S. Stephenson, hymn, sung universally among the British troops in the Great War. * Lord, thy most pointed pleasure take,<br>And stab my spirit broad awake;<br>Or, Lord, if too obdurate I,<br>Choose Thou, before that spirit die,<br>A piercing pain, a killing sin,<br>And to my dead heart turn them in. ** [[Robert Louis Stevenson]], ''Celestial Surgeon''. * My debts are large, my failures great, my shame secret and heavy; yet when I come to ask for my good, I quake in fear lest my prayer be granted. ** [[Rabindranath Tagore]], ''Gitanjali'', 28. * Speak to Him thou for He hears, and [[spirit]] with spirit can meet—<br>Closer is He than breathing, and nearer than hands and feet. ** [[Alfred Tennyson]], ''Higher Pantheism''. * More things are wrought by prayer<br>Than this world dreams of. Wherefore, let thy voice<br>Rise like a fountain for me night and day.<br>For what are men better than sheep or goats<br>That nourish a blind life within the brain,<br>If, knowing God, they lift not hands of prayer<br>Both for themselves and those who call them friend? ** [[Alfred Tennyson]], ''Morte d'Arthur'' (1842), line 247. [[File:Student pays respect to the Buddha.jpg|thumb|Battering the gates of heaven with storms of prayer. ~ [[Alfred Tennyson]]]] * Battering the gates of heaven with storms of prayer. ** [[Alfred Tennyson]], ''St. Simeon Stylites'', line 7. *"'Twas then belike," Honorious cried,<br>"When you the public fast defied,<br>Refused to heav'n to raise a prayer,<br>Because you'd no connections there." ** [[John Trumbull]], ''McFingal'', Canto I, line 541. * Prayer is<br>The world in tune,<br>A spirit-voyce,<br>And vocall joyes,<br>Whose Eccho is heaven's blisse. ** [[Henry Vaughan]], ''The Morning Watch''. * ''Desine fata deum flecti sperare precando.'' ** Cease to [[think]] that the decrees of the [[gods]] can be [[Change|changed]] by prayers. ** [[Virgil]], ''[[w:Aeneid|Æneid]]'' (29-19 BC), VI. 376. * ''Audiit, et voti Phœbus succedere partem<br>Mente didit, partem volucres dispersit in auras.'' ** Ae half the prayer wi' Phœbus grace did find<br> The t'other half he whistled down the wind. ** [[Virgil]], ''[[w:Aeneid|Æneid]]'' (29-19 BC), XI. 794. Translation by Scott—Waverley, Chapter XLIII. Same idea in [[Homer]], ''Iliad'', XVI, 250. * ''J'ai toujours fait une prière à Dieu, qui est fort courte. La voici: Mon Dieu, rendez nos ennemis bien ridicules! Dieu m'a exaucé.'' ** I always made one prayer to God, a very short one. Here it is: "O Lord, make our enemies quite ridiculous!" God granted it. *** [[Voltaire]], Letter to Étienne Noël Damilaville, {{#formatdate:1767-05-16}} * Prayer moves the Hand which moves the world. ** John Aikman Wallace, ''There is an Eye that Never Sleeps'', line 19. * Who is this before whose presence idols tumble to the sod?<br>While he cries out—"Allah Akbar! and there is no god but God!" ** [[William Ross Wallace]], ''El Amin'', ''The Faithful''. * Making their lives a prayer. ** [[John Greenleaf Whittier]], ''To A. K. on Receiving a Basket of Sea Mosses''. * Though smooth be the heartless prayer, no ear in heaven will mind it;<br>And the finest phrase falls dead, if there is no feeling behind it. ** [[Ella Wheeler Wilcox]], ''Art and Heart'', Stanza 2. * The imperfect offices of prayer and praise. ** [[William Wordsworth]], ''Excursion'', Book I. *"What is good for a bootless bene?"<br> With these dark words begins my Tale;<br>And their meaning is, whence can comfort spring<br> When Prayer is of no avail? ** [[William Wordsworth]], ''Force of Prayer''. * The bells of Ryleston seemed to say,<br> While she sat listening in the shade,<br> With vocal music, "God us ayde!"<br>And all the hills were glad to bear<br>Their part in this effectual prayer. ** [[William Wordsworth]], ''White Doe of Rylstone'', Canto VII, Stanza 11. * Doubt not but God who sits on high,<br> Thy secret prayers can hear;<br>When a dead wall thus cunningly<br> Conveys soft whispers to the ear. ** Verse inscribed in the Whispering Gallery of Gloucester Cathedral. ==''Dictionary of Burning Words of Brilliant Writers'' (1895)== :<small>Quotes reported in Josiah Hotchkiss Gilbert, ''Dictionary of Burning Words of Brilliant Writers'' (1895).</small> * A certain joyful, though humble, confidence becomes us when we pray in the Mediator's name. It is due to Him; when we pray in His name it should be without wavering. Remember His merits, and how prevalent they must be. " Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace." ** [[Nehemiah Adams]], p. 460. * The reason why we obtain no more in prayer, is because we expect no more. God usually answers us according to our own hearts. ** [[Richard Alleine]], p. 462. * Let your prayers be composed of thanksgiving, praise, confession, and petition, without any argument or exhortation addressed to those who are supposed to be praying with you. Adopt no fixed forms of expression, except such as you obtain from Scripture. Express your desire in the briefest, simplest form, without circumlocution. Hallow God's name by avoiding its unnecessary repetition. Adopt the simple devotional phrases of Scripture; but avoid the free use of its figures, and all quaint and doubtful application of its terms to foreign subjects. Pray to God and not to man. ** [[Joseph Addison Alexander]], p. 472. * Like an echo from a ruined castle, prayer is an echo from the ruined human soul of the sweet promise of God. ** [[William Arnot]], p. 464. * In the primitive church were not prayers simple, unpremeditated, united; prayers of the well-taught apostle; prayers of the accomplished scholar; prayers of the rough but fervent peasant; prayers of the new and zealous convert; prayers which importuned and wrestled with an instant and irrepressible urgency; — were they not an essential part of that religion, which holy fire had kindled; and which daily supplications alone could fan? ** [[William Arthur (minister)|William Arthur]], p. 473. * How can He grant you what you do not desire to receive? ** [[Augustine of Hippo]], p. 462. * He that loveth little prayeth little; he that loveth much prayeth much. ** [[Augustine of Hippo]], p. 464. * Any heart turned Godward feels more joy<br>In one short hour of prayer, than e'er was raised<br>By all the feasts of earth since its foundation. ** [[Philip James Bailey]], p. 459. * A good man's prayers<br>Will from the deepest dungeon climb to heaven's height,<br>And bring a [[blessing]] down. ** [[Joanna Bailie]], p. 459. * Every praying Christian will find that there is no Gethsemane without its angel. ** [[Thomas Binney]], p. 469. * A prayer in its simplest definition is merely a wish turned Godward. ** [[Phillips Brooks]], p. 457. * Prayer is not conquering God's reluctance, but taking hold upon God's willingness. ** [[Phillips Brooks]], p. 458. * The best and sweetest flowers of paradise God gives to His people when they are upon their knees. Prayer is the gate of heaven. ** [[Thomas Brooks]], p. 458. * Cold prayers shall never have any warm answers. God will suit His returns to our requests. Lifeless services shall have lifeless answers. When men are dull, God will be dumb. ** [[Thomas Brooks]], p. 462. * "Continuing instant in prayer." The Greek is a metaphor taken from hunting dogs that never give over the game till they have got their prey. ** [[Thomas Brooks]], p. 464. * Private prayer is so far from being a hindrance to a man's business, that it is the way of ways to bring down a blessing from heaven upon it. ** [[Thomas Brooks]], p. 471. * If any prayer be a duty, then secret prayer must be superlatively so, for it prepares and fits the soul for all other supplication. ** [[Thomas Brooks]], p. 471. * God's hearing of our prayers does not depend upon sanctifi- cation, but upon Christ's intercession; not upon what we are in ourselves, but what we are in the Lord Jesus; both our persons and our prayers are accepted in the Beloved. ** [[Thomas Brooks]], p. 473. * Unanswered yet? Faith cannot be unanswered.<br>Her feet were firmly planted on the Rock;<br>Amid the wildest storms she stands undaunted,<br>Nor quails before the loudest thunder shock.<br>She knows Omnipotence has heard her prayer,<br>And cries, "It shall be done," sometime, somewhere.<br>Unanswered yet? Nay, do not say ungranted;<br>Perhaps your part is not yet wholly done.<br>The work began when first your prayer was uttered,<br>And God will finish what He has begun.<br>If you will keep the incense burning there,<br>His glory you shall see sometime, somewhere. ** [[Robert Browning]], p. 474. * Prayer will make a man cease from sin, or sin will entice a man to cease from prayer. ** [[John Bunyan]], p. 468. * When Christ went up into a mountain apart to pray, He dismissed the multitude, to teach us that when we address ourselves to God, we must first dismiss the multitude. We must send away the multitude of worldly cares, worldly thoughts, worldly concerns and business, when we would call upon God in duty. ** [[William Burkitt]], p. 465. * Let faith each meek petition fill,<br>And waft it to the skies;<br>And teach our heart 'tis goodness still<br>That grants it or denies. ** [[Joseph Dacre Carlyle]], p. 460. * Let family worship be short, savory, simple, plain, tender, heavenly. ** [[Richard Cecil]], p. 471. * Consider how august a privilege it is, when angels are present, and archangels throng around, when cherubim and seraphim encircle with their blaze the throne, that a mortal may approach with unrestrained confidence, and converse with heaven's dread Sovereign! O, what honor was ever conferred like this? ** [[Chrysostom]], p. 459. * Be not afraid to pray — to pray is right.<br>Pray if thou canst with hope; but ever pray,<br>Though hope be weak or sick with long delay;<br>Pray in the darkness, if there be no light. ** [[Hartley Coleridge]], p. 461. * He prayeth best who loveth best<br>All things both great and small:<br>For the dear God who loveth us,<br>He made and loveth all, ** [[Samuel Taylor Coleridge]], p. 463. * True prayer is an earnest soul's direct converse with its God. ** [[Theodore L. Cuyler]], p. 456. * Wise is that Christian parent who begins every morning with the word of God and fervent prayer. ** [[Theodore L. Cuyler]], p. 471. * Answered prayers cover the field of providential history as flowers cover western prairies. ** [[Theodore L. Cuyler]], p. 474. * In eternity it will be a terrible thing for many a man to meet his own prayers. Their very language will condemn him; for he knew his duty, but he did it not. ** [[Theodore L. Cuyler]], p. 475. * When we pray to God with entire assurance, it is Himself who has given us the spirit of prayer. ** [[St. Cyprian]], p. 460. * Are we to suppose that the only being in the universe who cannot answer prayer is that One who alone has all power at His command? The weak theology that professes to believe that prayer has merely a subjective benefit is infinitely less scientific than the action of the child who confidently appeals to a Father in heaven. ** [[John William Dawson]], p. 461. * Saviour, breathe an evening [[blessing]]<br>Ere repose our spirits seal;<br>Sin and want we come confessing;<br>Thou canst save, and Thou canst heal. ** [[James Edmeston]], p. 475. * Lord! Thou art with Thy people still; they see Thee in the night-watches, and their hearts burn within them as Thou talkest with them by the way. And Thou art near to those that have not known Thee; open their eyes that they may see Thee — see Thee weeping over them, and saying, "Ye will not come unto me that ye might have life"— see Thee hanging on the cross and saying, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do"—see Thee as Thou wilt come again in Thy glory to judge them at the last. Amen. ** [[George Eliot]], p. 464. * Prayer, then, does not consist in sweet feelings, nor in the charms of an excited imagination, nor in that illumination of the intellect that traces with ease the sublimest truths of God; nor even in a certain consolation in the view of God; all these things are external gifts from His hand, in the absence of which love may exist even more purely, as the soul may then attach itself immediately and solely to God, instead of to His mercies. ** [[François Fénelon]], p. 458. * For "we know not what we should pray for as we ought; " but love leads us on, abandons us to all the operations of grace, puts us entirely at the disposal of God's will, and thus prepares us for all His designs. ** [[François Fénelon]], p. 465. * Prayer is so necessary, and the source of so many blessings, that he who has discovered the treasure cannot be prevented from having recourse to it, whenever he has an opportunity. ** [[François Fénelon]], p. 466. * Ah! well it is for us that God is a loving Father, who takes our very prayers and thanksgivings rather for what we mean than for what they are; just as parents smile on the trailing weeds that their ignorant little ones bring them for flowers. ** [[Edward Garrett]], p. 462. * Good prayers never come creeping home. I am sure I shall receive what I ask for or what I should ask. ** Bishop [[Joseph Hall]], p. 461. * Your child is falling from a window. By the action of a natural law he will be killed. But he cries out for help, "Father! father!" Hearing his call, in this his day of trouble, you rush forth and catch him in your arms. Your child is saved. Natural law would have killed him, but you interposed, and, without a miracle, saved him. And cannot the great Father of all do what an earthly parent does? ** [[Newman Hall]], p. 473. * Prayer is the breath of a new-born soul, and there can be no Christian life without it. ** [[Rowland Hill (preacher)|Rowland Hill]], p. 457. * I like ejaculatory prayer; it reaches heaven before the devil can get a shot at it. ** [[Rowland Hill (preacher)|Rowland Hill]], p. 470. * There it is — in such patient silence — that we accumulate the inward power which we distribute and spend in action; that the soul acquires a greater and more vigorous being, and gathers up its collective forces to bear down upon the piecemeal difficulties of life and scatter them to dust; there alone can we enter into that spirit of self-abandonment by which we take up the cross of duty, however heavy, with feet however worn and bleeding. ** [[Wayland Hoyt]], p. 470. * If I were an impenitent child of godly parents, and should die so, I would rather go into eternity facing a legion of devils than my mother's prayers. ** [[Herrick Johnson]], p. 475. * He who has a pure heart will never cease to pray; and he who will be constant in prayer, shall know what it is to have a pure heart. ** [[Pierre La Combe]], p. 464. * Worship is the earthly act by which we most distinctly recognize our personal immortality; men who think that they will be extinct a few years hence do not pray. In worship we spread out our insignificant life, which yet is the work of the Creator's hands, and the purchase of the Redeemer's blood, before the Eternal and All-Merciful, that we may learn the manners of a higher sphere, and fit ourselves for companionship with saints and angels, and for the everlasting sight of the face of God. ** [[Henry Liddon]], p. 457. * Prayer is the act by which man, detaching himself from the embarrassments of sense and nature, ascends to the true level of his destiny. ** [[Henry Liddon]], p. 458. * I have been driven many times to my knees, by the overwhelming conviction that I had nowhere else to go. My own wisdom, and that of all about me seemed insufficient for that day. ** [[Abraham Lincoln]], p. 468. * The church converteth the whole world by blood and prayer. ** [[Martin Luther]], p. 468. * Ah, what is it we send up thither, where our thoughts are either a dissonance or a sweetness and a grace? ** [[George MacDonald]], p. 461. * O Lord, we rejoice that we are Thy making, though Thy handiwork is not very clear in our outer man as yet. We bless Thee that we feel Thy hand making us. What if it be in pain? Evermore we hear the voice of the potter above the hum and grind of His wheel. Father, Thou only knowest how we love Thee. Fashion the clay to Thy beautiful will. ** [[George MacDonald]], p. 464. * If you are in the spirit of prayer, do not be long, because other people will not be able to keep pace with you in such unusual spirituality, and if you are not in the spirit of prayer, do not be long, because you will be sure to weary the listeners. ** [[John Macdonald]], p. 472. * The prayer that begins with trustfulness, and passes on into waiting, even while in sorrow and sore need, will always end in thankfulness and triumph and praise. ** [[Alexander Maclaren]], p. 461. * There is no such thing in the long history of God's kingdom as an unanswered prayer. Every true desire from a child's heart finds some true answer in the heart of God. ** [[Norman MacLeod]], p. 473. * Whatever we are directed to pray for, we are also exhorted to work for; we are not permitted to mock Jehovah, asking that of Him which we deem not worth our pains to acquire. ** [[Elias Lyman Magoon]], p. 469. * Religion is no more possible without prayer than poetry without language, or music without atmosphere. ** [[James Martineau]], p. 466. * A house without family worship has neither foundation nor covering. ** [[John Mitchell Mason]], p. 471. * Trouble and perplexity drive me to prayer, and prayer drives away perplexity and trouble. ** [[Philip Melanchthon]], p. 466. * Prayer is so mighty an instrument that no one ever thoroughly mastered all its keys. They sweep along the infinite scale of man's wants and God's goodness. ** [[Hugh Miller]], p. 458. * O Thou by whom we come to God —<br>The Life, the Truth, the Way;<br>The path of prayer Thyself hast trod;<br>Lord, teach us how to pray. ** [[James Montgomery]], p. 460. * Prayer is not eloquence, but earnestness; not the definition of helplessness, but the feeling of it; not figures of speech, but compunction of soul. ** [[Hannah More]], p. 458. * There is no burden of the spirit but is lightened by kneeling under it. Little by little, the bitterest feelings are sweetened by the mention of them in prayer. And agony itself stops swelling, if we can only cry sincerely, " My God, my God!" ** [[William Mountford]], p. 466. * Not every hour, nor every day, perhaps, can generous wishes ripen into kind actions; but there is not a moment that cannot be freighted with prayer. ** [[William Mountford]], p. 470. * Then let us earnest be,<br>And never faint in prayer;<br>He loves our importunity,<br>And makes our cause His care. ** [[John Newton]], p. 462. * In presenting the Divine promises at the throne of grace, we present the best of names at a bank that is solvent. Let us, when we would pray, consider well whether we have a promise for our plea. ** [[Robert M. Offord]], p. 460. * Expect an answer. If no answer is desired, why pray? True prayer has in it a strong element of expectancy. ** [[Robert M. Offord]], p. 462. * Ask in simplicity. True need forgets to be formal. Its utterances fly from the heart as sparks from a blacksmith's anvil. Set phrases, long sentences, polysyllabic words, find little favor with the soul that is athirst for God and His grace. How brief are the sentences of the immortal and immutable prayer, which Christ taught His disciples! Not a long word is there. Temptation is the longest, and the majority of the words are of one syllable. Do you essay to lead others in prayer? Utter no word that any that hear you cannot understand. Express their need as well as your own. Do not go to the mercy-seat on stilts. ** [[Robert M. Offord]], p. 471. * Prayer, with our Lord, was a refuge from the storm; almost every word He uttered during that last tremendous scene was prayer; prayer the most earnest, the most urgent, repeated, continued, proceeding from the recesses of the soul, private, solitary; prayer for deliverance, prayer for strength; above every thing prayer for resignation. ** [[William Paley]], p. 467. * As in poetry, so in prayer, the whole subject matter should be furnished by the heart, and the understanding should be allowed only to shape and arrange the effusions of the heart in the manner best adapted to answer the end designed. From the fullness of a heart overflowing with holy affections, as from a copious fountain, we should pour forth a torrent of pious, humble, and ardently affectionate feelings; while our understandings only shape the channel and teach the gushing streams of devotion where to flow, and when to stop. ** [[Edward Payson]], p. 464. * I think that if we would, every evening, come to our Master's feet, and tell Him where we have been, what we have done, what we have said, and what were the motives by which we have been actuated, it would have a salutary effect upon our whole conduct. ** [[Edward Payson]], p. 466. * Our public prayers too often consist almost entirely of passages of Scripture—not always judiciously chosen or well arranged — and common-place phrases, which have been transmitted down for ages, from one generation to another, selected and put together just as we would compose a sermon or essay, while the heart is allowed no share in the performance; so that we may more properly be said to make a prayer than to pray. ** [[Edward Payson]], p. 472. * We lay it down as an elemental principle of religion, that no large growth in holiness was ever gained by one who did not take time to be often and long alone with God. No otherwise can the great central idea of God enter into a man's life, and dwell there supreme. ** [[Austin Phelps]], p. 459. * Have you never observed how free the Lord's Prayer is of any material that can tempt to subtle self-inspection in the art of devotion? It is full of an outflowing of thought and of emotion toward great objects of desire, great necessities, and great perils. ** [[Austin Phelps]], p. 465. * [[Patience]] and perseverance are never more thoroughly Christian graces than when features of prayer. ** [[Samuel I. Prime]], p. 461. * Happy are they who freely mingle prayer and toil till God responds to the one and rewards the other. ** [[Samuel I. Prime]], p. 468. * A life of prayer is a life whose litanies are ever fresh acts of self-devoting love. ** [[Frederick William Robertson]], p. 457. * The Divine Wisdom has given us prayer, not as a means whereby to obtain the good things of earth, but as a means whereby we learn to do without them; not as a means whereby we escape evil, but as a means whereby we become strong to meet it. ** [[Frederick William Robertson]], p. 468. * Faithful prayer always implies correlative exertion; and no man can ask honestly and hopefully to be delivered from temptation, unless he has himself honestly and firmly determined to do the best he can to keep out of it. ** [[John Ruskin]], p. 469. * Are we silent to Jesus? Think! Have you nothing to ask Him? Nothing to thank Him for? Nothing to praise Him for? Nothing to confess? Oh, poor soul, go back to Bethlehem — to Gethsemane, to Calvary, and remember at what a cost the vail before the Holies was rent in twain that thou mightest enter it. ** [[Anna Shipton]], p. 474. * Prayer pulls the rope below, and the great bell rings above in the ears of God. Some scarcely stir the bell, for they pray so languidly; others give but an occasional pluck at the rope; but he who wins with heaven is the man who grasps the rope boldly and pulls continuously, with all his might. ** [[Charles Spurgeon]], p. 460. * Sometimes a fog will settle over a vessel's deck and yet leave the topmast clear. Then a sailor goes up aloft and gets a lookout which the helmsman on deck cannot get. So prayer sends the soul aloft; lifts it above the clouds in which our selfishness and egotism befog us, and gives us a chance to see which way to steer. ** [[Charles Spurgeon]], p. 469. * For spiritual [[blessings]], let our prayers be importunate, perpetual, and persevering; for temporal blessings, let them be general, short, conditional, and modest. ** [[Jeremy Taylor]], p. 461. * Easiness of desire is a great enemy to the success of a good man's prayer. Our prayers upbraid our spirits when we beg tamely for those things for which we ought to die; which are more precious than imperial sceptres, richer than the spoils of the sea or the treasures of Indian hills. ** [[Jeremy Taylor]], p. 462. * There is something in every act of prayer that for a time stills the violence of passion, and elevates and purifies the affections. ** [[Jeremy Taylor]], p. 465. * From the violence and rule of passion, from a servile will, and a commanding lust, from pride and vanity, from false opinion and ignorant confidence; from improvidence and prodigality, from envy and the spirit of slander; from sensuality, from presumption and from despair; from a state of temptation and a hardened spirit; from delaying of repentance and persevering in sin; from unthankfulness and irreligion, and from seducing others; from all infatuation of soul, folly, and madness; from willfulness, self-love, and vain ambition; from a vicious life and an unprovided death, good Lord, deliver us. ** [[Jeremy Taylor]], p. 468. * When we pray for any virtue, we should cultivate the virtue as well as pray for it; the form of your prayers should be the rule of your life; every petition to God is a precept to man. ** [[Jeremy Taylor]], p. 469. * Prayers born out of murmuring are always dangerous. When, therefore, we are in a discontented mood, let'us take care what we cry for, lest God give it to us, and thereby punish us. ** [[William Mackergo Taylor]], p. 465. * They tell us of the fixed laws of nature! but who dares maintain that He who fixed these laws cannot use them for the purpose of answering His people's prayers? ** [[William Mackergo Taylor]], p. 473. * We kneel, how weak; we rise, how full of power!<br>Why, therefore, should we do ourselves this wrong,<br>Or others — that we are not always strong,<br>That we are ever overborne with care,<br>That we should ever weak or heartless be,<br>Anxious or troubled, when with us is prayer,<br>And joy and strength and courage are with Thee? ** [[Richard Chenevix Trench]], p. 467. * Prayer moves the hand which moves the world. ** [[John Aikman Wallace]], p. 459. * Prayer is the pulse of the renewed soul; and the constancy of its beat is the test and measure of the spiritual life. ** [[Octavius Winslow]], p. 458. ==''Respectfully Quoted: A Dictionary of Quotations'' (1989)== * I Pray Heaven to Bestow The Best of Blessing on THIS HOUSE, and on All that shall hereafter Inhabit it. May none but Honest and Wise Men ever rule under This Roof! ** [[John Adams]], letter to his wife Abigail, November 2, 1800, the day after he moved into the White House. ''Letters of John Adams Addressed to His Wife'', ed. Charles Francis Adams, p. 267 (1841). President Franklin D. Roosevelt had this lettered in gold in the marble over the fireplace in the State Dining Room of the White House. The quotation above follows the capitalization used in the inscription. * Grant us a common faith that man shall know bread and peace—that he shall know justice and righteousness, freedom and security, an equal opportunity and an equal chance to do his best not only in our own lands, but throughout the world. And in that faith let us march toward the clean world our hands can make. ** [[Stephen Vincent Benét]], Prayer, concluding sentences (1942). Archibald MacLeish, poet and Librarian of Congress, asked Benét to write "The United Nations Prayer" to be used in the celebration of Flag Day, 1942. President Franklin D. Roosevelt used it to close his radio address on Flag Day, June 14, 1942. Adlai E. Stevenson used this final section of the prayer on his Christmas cards in 1964. * For Mercy has a human heart<br>Pity, a human face:<br>And Love, the human form divine,<br>And Peace, the human dress.<br>Then every man of every clime,<br>That prays in his distress,<br>Prays to the human form divine<br>Love Mercy Pity Peace. ** [[William Blake]], "The Divine Image", stanzas 3 and 4, lines 9–16, ''The Complete Poetry and Prose of William Blake'', ed. David V. Erdman (1982), p. 12–13. First published in 1789. * "God bless us every one!" said Tiny Tim, the last of all. ** [[Charles Dickens]], ''A Christmas Carol'' (1963), stave 3, p. 74. First published in 1843. * Lord, make me a channel of your peace.<br>Where there is hatred, let me bring love.<br>Where there is offense, forgiveness.<br>Where there is discord, reconciliation.<br>Where there is doubt, faith.<br>Where there is despair, hope.<br>Where there is sadness, joy.<br>Where there is darkness, your light.<br> we give, we are made rich.<br>If we forget ourselves, we find peace.<br>If we forgive, we receive forgiveness.<br> we die, we receive eternal resurrection.<br>Give us peace, Lord. **[[Serenity Prayer]] Attributed to [[Francis of Assisi]], in Auspicius van Corstanje, ''Francis: Bible of the Poor'' (1977), p. 203. "This prayer cannot be found in any of the early texts written by Francis. In its present form, it is probably not even a hundred years old. All the same, it clearly reflects the spirit of Francis. He could have written it, and that is why it is generally attributed to him" (p. 203). A slightly different version ("Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace") can be found in Masterpieces of Religious Verse, ed. James Dalton Morrison, p. 130 (1948). * There is nothing I can give you which you have not got; but there is much, very much, that, while I cannot give it, you can take. No Heaven can come to us unless our hearts find rest in it to-day. Take Heaven! No peace lies in the future which is not hidden in this present little instant. Take peace!<br><br>The gloom of the world is but a shadow. Behind it, yet within our reach, is joy. There is radiance and glory in the darkness, could we but see; and to see, we have only to look. Contessina I beseech you to look.<br><br>Life is so generous a giver, but we, judging its gifts by their covering, cast them away as ugly or heavy or hard. Remove the covering, and you will find beneath it a living splendour, woven of love, by wisdom, with power. Welcome it, grasp it, and you touch the Angel's hand that brings it to you. Everything we call a trial, a sorrow, or a duty: believe me, that angel's hand is there; the gift is there, and the wonder of an overshadowing Presence. Our joys, too: be not content with them as joys, they too conceal diviner gifts.<br><br>Life is so full of meaning and of purpose, so full of beauty—beneath its covering—that you will find that earth but cloaks your heaven. Courage, then to claim it: that is all! But courage you have; and the knowledge that we are pilgrims together, wending through unknown country, home.<br><br>And so, at this Christmas time, I greet you; not quite as the world sends greetings, but with profound esteem, and with the prayer that for you, now and forever, the day breaks and the shadows flee away. ** "Fra Giovanni", A Letter to the Most Illustrious the Contessina Allagia Dela Aldobrandeschi, Written Christmas Eve Anno Domini 1513 (193?) The British Museum stated in 1970 that it had "proved impossible" to identify Fra Giovanni, the purported author of this letter. This was published, probably in the 1930s, "with Christmas Greetings" from Greville MacDonald, son of novelist George MacDonald, and Mary MacDonald. * Almighty God, who hast given us this good land for our heritage; We humbly beseech Thee that we may always prove ourselves a people mindful of Thy favor and glad to do Thy will. Bless our land with honourable industry, sound learning, and pure manners. Save us from violence, discord, and confusion; from pride and arrogancy, and from every evil way. Defend our liberties, and fashion into one united people the multitudes brought hither out of many kindreds and tongues. Endure with the spirit of wisdom those to whom in Thy Name we entrust the authority of government, that there may be justice and peace at home, and that, through obedience to Thy law, we may show forth Thy praise among the nations of the earth. In the time of prosperity, fill our hearts with thankfulness, and in the day of trouble, suffer not our trust in Thee to fail; Amen. ** [[George L. Locke]], prayer, c. 1880. President Franklin D. Roosevelt included it as "an old prayer" without attribution, in his final radio speech of the 1940 presidential campaign, November 4, 1940. ''The Public Papers and Addresses of Franklin D. Roosevelt, 1940'', p. 557–58 (1941). Life magazine reproduced the prayer in its issue of November 18, 1940, and in a letter to the editor in the December 9 issue, p. 4, the Rev. Mr. Locke's daughter wrote about his authorship and the circumstances of his composing the prayer. * Build me a son, O Lord, who will be strong enough to know when he is weak, and brave enough to face himself when he is afraid; one who will be proud and unbending in honest defeat, and humble and gentle in victory. Build me a son whose wishes will not take the place of deeds; a son who will know Thee—and that to know himself is the foundation stone of knowledge. Lead him, I pray, not in the path of ease and comfort, but under the stress and spur of difficulties and challenge. Here let him learn to stand up in the storm; here let him learn compassion for those who fail. Build me a son whose heart will be clear, whose goal will be high; a son who will master himself before he seeks to master other men; one who will reach into the future, yet never forget the past. And after all these things are his, add, I pray, enough of a sense of humor, so that he may always be serious, yet never take himself too seriously. Give him humility, so that he may always remember the simplicity of true greatness, the open mind of true wisdom, and the meekness of true strength. Then, I, his father, will dare to whisper, "I have not lived in vain". ** [[Douglas MacArthur]], "A Father's Prayer". Courtney Whitney, ''MacArthur, His Rendevous with History'' (1956), p. 547. Written "during the early days of the desperate campaigns in the Far East in World War II". [[File:Nakhthorheb praying-A 94-IMG 8369.JPG|thumb|Our earnest prayer is that God will graciously vouchsafe prosperity, happiness, and peace to all... the peoples and powers of earth.]] * Our earnest prayer is that God will graciously vouchsafe prosperity, happiness, and peace to all our neighbors, and like blessings to all the peoples and powers of earth. ** [[William McKinley]], speech delivered at the Pan-American Exposition, Buffalo, New York, September 5, 1901. Modern Eloquence, ed. Ashley H. Thorndike, rev. Adam Ward, vol. 11, p. 401 (1936). This was McKinley's last speech, as he was mortally wounded the next day at the Exposition. He served in Congress 1877–1884 and 1885–1891. * The things, good Lord, that I pray for, give me thy grace to labour for. Amen. ** [[Thomas More]], English Prayers and Treatise on the Holy Eucharist, ed. Philip E. Hallett, p. 20 (1938). His English works were published in 1557. * God give me the serenity to accept things which cannot be changed;<br>Give me courage to change things which must be changed;<br>And the wisdom to distinguish one from the other. ** Attributed to [[Reinhold Niebuhr]], The A.A. Grapevine, January 1950, p. 6–7; also June Bingham, Courage to Change, p. iii (1961), where the version differs somewhat: "O God, give us serenity to accept what cannot be changed, courage to change what should be changed, and wisdom to distinguish the one from the other". Alcoholics Anonymous has used this prayer, with minor changes in wording, since about 1940. According to the first source, Dr. Niebuhr said, "It may have been spooking around for years, even centuries, but I don't think so. I honestly do believe that I wrote it myself". The Anglican publishing house, Mobray of London, for more than a century has identified it as a General or Common Prayer of fourteenth-century England, according to a reader of American Notes and Queries, June 1970, p. 154. He added that "Reinhold Niebuhr has acknowledged, more than once, both in seminar and publicly that he was not the original author of the Serenity Prayer". In Ausblick von der Weibertreu by Christoph Duncker, p. 1 (1973), the following lines are attributed to a Johann Christoph Oetinger, deacon in Weinsberg from 1762 to 1769: "Gib mir Gelassenheit, Dinge hinzunehmen, die ich nicht ändern kann, Den Mut, Dinge zu ändern, die ich ändern kann, und die Weisheit, das eine vom andern zu untersheiden", which can be translated as above. Another reader of American Notes and Queries, October 1969, p. 25, gives a nearly identical quotation and states that it can be traced to Friedrich Christoph Oetinger (1702–1782), German theologian and theosophist, without giving a source. Whatever the original source or wording, Niebuhr and A.A. have made the prayer well-known in the United States. * Almighty and most merciful Father, we humbly beseech Thee, of Thy great goodness, to restrain these immoderate rains with which we have had to contend. Grant us fair weather for Battle. Graciously hearken to us as soldiers who call upon Thee that, armed with Thy power, we may advance from victory to victory, and crush the oppression and wickedness of our enemies, and establish Thy justice among men and nations. Amen. ** [[James H. O'Neill]], prayer for good weather, December 1944. Ladislas Farago, ''Patton, Ordeal and Triumph'' (1964), chapter 36, p. 690. General George S. Patton, Jr., ordered Colonel O'Neill, chaplain of the Third Army, to produce this prayer. * Stars above our cornfields,<br>Morning-colored wind,<br>Snow, and wood-fires burning<br>On hearths we leave behind.<br>(''Shine for us, dear beacons''.)<br>''God of the hidden purpose,<br>Let our embarking be<br>The prayer of proud men asking<br>Not to be safe, but free.'' ** [[Henry Morton Robinson]], "Litany for D-Day: 1944", stanzas 4 and 5, ''The Enchanted Grindstone and Other Poems'' (1952), p. 93. * Give us courage and gaiety and the quiet mind. Spare to us our friends, soften to us our enemies. Bless us, if it may be, in all our innocent endeavors. If it may not, give us the strength to encounter that which is to come, that we be brave in peril, constant in tribulation, temperate in wrath, and in all changes of fortune and down to the gates of death, loyal and loving one to another. ** [[Robert Louis Stevenson]], prayer "For Success", ''Vailima Papers and a Footnote to History'' (1925), p. 7. This was used by Adlai E. Stevenson on his Christmas card in 1962. * I now make it my earnest prayer, that God would have you, and the State over which you preside, in his holy protection, that he would incline the hearts of the Citizens to cultivate a spirit of subordination and obedience to Government, to entertain a brotherly affection and love for one another, for their fellow Citizens of the United States at large, and particularly for their brethren who have served in the Field, and finally, that he would most graciously be pleased to dispose us all, to do Justice, to love mercy, and to demean [i.e., comport] ourselves with that Charity, humility and pacific temper of mind, which were the Characteristicks of the Divine Author of our blessed Religion, and without an humble imitation of whose example in these things, we can never hope to be a happy Nation. ** [[George Washington]], circular to the states, Newburgh, New York, June 8, 1783. ''The Writings of George Washington'', ed. John C. Fitzpatrick (1938), vol. 26, p. 496. * I asked God for strength, that I might achieve<br>I was made weak, that I might learn humbly to obey …<br>I asked for health, that I might do greater things<br>I was given infirmity, that I might do better things …<br>I asked for riches, that I might be happy<br>I was given poverty, that I might be wise …<br>I asked for power, that I might have the praise of men<br>I was given weakness, that I might feel the need of God …<br>I asked for all things, that I might enjoy life<br>I was given life that I might enjoy all things …<br>I got nothing that I asked for—but everything I had hoped for<br>Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered.<br>I am, among all men, most richly blessed. ** Author unknown. As "A Creed for Those Who Have Suffered", this has been used by rehabilitation centers. Adlai E. Stevenson used these lines on his Christmas card, 1955. [[File:Woman praying in Cristo buen Viaje Church.jpg|thumb|Slow me down, Lord! Ease the pounding of my heart by the quieting of my mind. ]] * '''May the road rise to meet you.<br>May the wind be ever at your back'''<br>May the Good Lord keep you in the hollow of His hand.<br>May your heart be as warm as your hearthstone.<br>And when you come to die<br>may the wail of the poor<br>be the only sorrow<br>you'll leave behind.<br>May God bless you always. ** Author unknown, "An Irish Wish". Ralph L. Woods, ''A Third Treasury of the Familiar'' (1970), p. 644. Another version of this popular Irish blessing: May the road rise to meet you,<br>May the wind be always at your back,<br>May the sun shine warm upon your face,<br>May the rain fall soft upon your fields,<br>And, until we meet again,<br>May God hold you in the palm of His hand. * O God, thy sea is so great, and my boat is so small. ** Author unknown. Prayer of Breton fishermen. President John F. Kennedy had on his desk a plaque with these words, given to him by Admiral Hyman Rickover, who gave one like it to the commanding officer of each new Polaris submarine. Tazewell Taylor Shepard, Jr., ''John F. Kennedy, Man of the Sea'' (1965), p. 23. * Slow me down, Lord! Ease the pounding of my heart by the quieting of my mind. Steady my hurried pace with a vision of the eternal reach of time. Give me, amidst the confusion of my day, the [[calmness]] of the everlasting hills. Break the tensions of my nerves and muscles with the soothing music of singing streams that live in my memory. Teach me the art of taking minute vacations … of slowing down to look at a flower, to chat with a friend, to pat a dog, to read a few lines from a good book. Remind me each day of the fable of the hare and the tortoise, that I may know that the race is not always to the swift; that there is more to life than measuring its speed. Let me look upward into the branches of the towering oak and know that it grew great and strong because it grew slowly and well. Slow me down, Lord, and inspire me to send my roots deep into the soil of life's enduring values that I may grow toward the stars of my greater destiny. ** Author unknown. Reported in ''Respectfully Quoted: A Dictionary of Quotations'' (1989). ==See also== *[[Amen]] *[[Atonement]] *[[Blessings]] *[[Grace]] *[[Higher self]] *[[Inspiration]] *[[Mantra|Mantras]] * [[Meditation]] * [[Mindfulness]] *[[Om]] * [[Worship]] ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} {{Wiktionary}} [[Category:Religious behaviour and experience]] [[Category:Discourse]] [[Category:Semiotics]] [[Category:Belief]] [http://www.prayertimesweb.com/prayer-times-dhaka/ Timings] ikdqk0t3o54t3inw033hr5lkmc9qjaj 3778846 3778845 2025-07-14T20:21:12Z ᘙ 3105225 /* G */ 3778846 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Muslim_Prayer_Beads.jpg|thumb|right|If the one who offers prayer [[knew]] how much [[divine]] [[mercy]] is descending upon him, he would surely not raise his [[head]] from [[w:Sujud|prostration]]. ~ [[Ali]]]] [[File:Bonndorf Fahne1.JPG|thumb|I will pray with my [[spirit]], but I will pray with my [[mind]] also. ~ [[Paul of Tarsus]]]] [[File:Christianity-Jesus Christ Died for your Sin.jpg|thumb|right|To attribute the efficacy of prayers or of sacramental signs to their mere external performance, apart from the interior dispositions they demand, is to fall into superstition. ~ [[Catechism of the Catholic Church]]]] [[File:Sri Lanka Photo051.jpg|thumb|The Buddha does not grant favors to those who pray to Him. Instead of petitional prayers there is [[meditation]] that leads to self-control, purification and enlightenment. ... A Buddhist should not pray to be saved, but should rely on himself and win his freedom. ~ [[Narada Maha Thera]]]] [[File:Ring48.jpg|thumb|right|To [[feel]] the supreme and moving [[beauty]] of the spectacle to which [[Nature]] invites her ephemeral guests! … that is what I call prayer. ~ [[Claude Debussy]] ]] [[File:Ejsmond The Anchorite.jpg|thumb|Just to be is a [[blessing]]. Just to live is holy. And yet being alive is no answer to the problems of living. To be or not to be is not the question. The vital question is: how to be and how not to be? ... To pray is to recollect ''passionately'' the perpetual urgency of this vital question. ~ [[Abraham Joshua Heschel]]]] [[File:Lords Prayer 2020-06-20 087.jpg|thumb| Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation; but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory, for ever and ever. ]] [[File:Youth praying.jpg|thumb|Give us courage and gaiety and the quiet mind.]] [[File:Praying Knight Equestrian Sculpture by Cyrus Dallin at Cambridge Ringe and Latin High School.jpg|thumb|Lord, make me a channel of your peace.<br>Where there is hatred, let me bring love.<br>Where there is offense, forgiveness.<br>Where there is discord, reconciliation. ~ [[Serenity Prayer|Prayer for Serenity]]]] [[File:Albrecht Dürer Betende Hände.jpg|thumb|right|Prayer invites the [[Eternal]] Presence to suffuse or [[spirits]] and let [[God]]'s will prevail in our lives. ~ ''[[w:Shaarei Tefillah|Shaarei Tefillah]]'']] '''[[w:Prayer|Prayer]]''' is the act of attempting to communicate, commonly with a sequence of words, with a deity or spirit for the purpose of worshipping, requesting guidance, requesting assistance, confessing sins, as an act of reparation or to express one's thoughts and emotions. The words of the prayer may take the form of intercession, a hymn, incantation or a spontaneous utterance in the person's praying words. Secularly, the term can also be used in referring to "[[hope]]". __NOTOC__ {{TOCalpha|''[[#Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations|Hoyt's&nbsp;New&nbsp;Cyclopedia&nbsp;Of&nbsp;Practical&nbsp;Quotations]]'' · ''[[#Dictionary of Burning Words of Brilliant Writers (1895)|Dictionary of Burning Words of Brilliant Writers]]'' · ''[[#Respectfully Quoted: A Dictionary of Quotations (1989)|Respectfully Quoted]]''}} ==A== * '''If the one who offers prayer knew how much divine mercy is descending upon him, he would surely not raise his head from prostration.''' ** [[Ali]], ''Ghurar al-Hikam wa Durar al-Kalim (Exalted Aphorisms And Pearls Of Speech)''. p. 710. Translated by Tahir Ridha Jaffer. Ansariyan Publications - Qum (2012). * Let [[gratitude]] be the pillow upon which you kneel to say your nightly prayer. And let [[faith]] be the bridge you build to overcome [[evil]] and welcome [[good]]. ** [[Maya Angelou]], ''Celebrations: Rituals of Peace and Prayer'' (2006) *But the reason why prayer is necessary for obtaining something from a man is not the same as the reason for its necessity when there is question of obtaining a favor from God. Prayer is addressed to man, first, to lay bare - the desire and the need of the petitioner, and secondly, to incline the mind of him to whom the prayer is addressed to grant the petition. These purposes have no place in the prayer that is sent up to God. When we pray we do not intend to manifest our needs or desires to God, for He knows all things. The Psalmist says to God: “Lord, all my desire is before You” (Psalm 37:10); and in the Gospel we are told: “Your Father knows that you have need of all these things” (Matt. 6:32). Again, the will of God is not influenced by human words to will what He had previously not willed. For, as we read in Numbers 23:19, “God is not a man, that He should lie, nor as the son of man, that He should be changed”; nor is God moved to repentance, as we are assured in 1 Samuel 15:29. Prayer, then, for obtaining something from God is necessary for man on account of the very one who prays, that he may reflect on his shortcomings and may turn his mind to desiring fervently and piously what he hopes to gain by his petition. In this way he is rendered fit to receive the favor. Yet a further difference between the prayer offered to God and that addressed to man is to be marked. Prayer addressed to a man presupposes a certain intimacy that may afford the petitioner an opportunity to present his request. But when we pray to God, the very prayer we send forth makes us intimate with Him, inasmuch as our soul is raised up to God and converses with Him in spiritual affection, and adores Him in spirit and truth. The familiar affection thus experienced in prayer begets an inducement in the petitioner to pray again with yet greater confidence. And so we read in Psalm 16:6: “I have cried to You,” that is, in trusting prayer, “for You, O God, have heard me”; as though, after being admitted to intimacy in the first prayer, the Psalmist cries out with all the greater confidence in the second. :For this reason, in prayer to God, perseverance or repetition of our supplication is not unseemly, but is regarded as acceptable to God. Indeed, “we ought always to pray and not to faint,” as we learn from Luke 18: 1. Our Lord, too, invites us to pray, for He said: “Ask, and it shall be given you... knock, and it shall be opened to you” (Matt. 7:7). But in prayer addressed to man, persistence in begging becomes irritating. **Saint [[Thomas Aquinas]], [[w:Doctor of the Church|Doctor of the Church]], ''[[w:it:Compendium Theologiae|Compendium Theologiae]]'', [https://isidore.co/aquinas/english/Compendium.htm Ch. 236 - The Resurrection of Christ] ==B== * The most acceptable prayer is the one offered with the utmost spirituality and radiance; its prolongation hath not been and is not beloved by God. The more detached and the purer the prayer, the more acceptable is it in the presence of God. ** [[Báb]], ''{{w|Persian Bayán}}'', VII, 19 * Prayer is the [[spirit]] speaking truth to [[Truth]]. ** [[Philip James Bailey]], ''Festus'' (1813), scene Elsewhere. * Men may spurn our appeals, reject our message, oppose our arguments, despise our persons, but they are helpless against our prayers. ** [[J. Sidlow Baxter]], Reported in Charlie Jones, Bob Kelly, ''The Tremendous Power of Prayer'' (2000) p. 46. * PRAY, ''v.'' To ask that the laws of the [[universe]] be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner, confessedly unworthy. ** [[Ambrose Bierce]], ''The Devil's Dictionary'' (1911). * God shapes the world by prayer. ** [[Edward McKendree Bounds]] ''Purpose in Prayer'' (1920), p. 9. * Apostolic preaching cannot be carried on unless there be apostolic prayer. ** [[Edward McKendree Bounds]], ''The Weapon of Prayer''. * In prayerful sympathy and love. Hold to the old truth -- double distilled. ** [[Edward McKendree Bounds]], Last card to Homer W. Hodge, dated [[26 June]] [[1913]]. * [[God]] answers sharp and sudden on some prayers,<br>And thrusts the thing we have prayed for in our face,<br>A gauntlet with a gift in 't. ** [[Elizabeth Barrett Browning]], ''Aurora Leigh'' (1856), Book II. * Every wish<br>Is like a prayer — with God. ** [[Elizabeth Barrett Browning]], ''Aurora Leigh'' (1856), Book II. * [[Hope]], he called, [[belief]]<br>In [[God]], — [[work]], [[worship]] * * * therefore let us pray! ** [[Elizabeth Barrett Browning]], ''Aurora Leigh'' (1856), Book III. * There are, O [[w:Householder (Buddhism)|householder]], five desirable, pleasant, and agreeable things which are rare in the world. What are those five? They are long life, beauty, happiness, fame and (rebirth in) a heaven. But of those five things, O householder, I do no teach that they are to be obtained by prayer or by vows. ** [[Gautama Buddha]], [[Anguttara Nikaya]] 5.43 * For a noble disciple, O [[w:Householder (Buddhism)|householder]], who wishes to have long life, it is not befitting that he should pray for long life or take delight in so doing. He should rather follow a path of life that is conducive to longevity. ** [[Gautama Buddha]], [[Anguttara Nikaya]] 5.43 * All my life I have prayed, and all my life I have been refused answer. I scarcely believed in the gods anymore, or if I did, it was only to curse them for their indifference. They betrayed my father, who had served Them loyally all his life. They betrayed my mother, or They were powerless to save her, which was as bad or worse. If a god has come to me, He certainly hasn’t come ''for'' me! ** [[Lois McMaster Bujold]], ''The Hallowed Hunt'' (2005), Chapter 6 ==C== * When the mind is not dissipated upon extraneous things, nor diffused over the world about us through the senses, it withdraws within itself, and of its own accord ascends to the contemplation of God. ** [[Basil of Caesarea]], Letter to [[w:Gregory of Nazianzus|Gregory]], ''Saint Basil: The Letters'', R. Deferrari, trans. (1926), vol. 1, p. 15. * We must resist wandering thoughts in prayer. Raising our hands reminds us that we need to raise up our minds to God, setting aside all irrelevant thoughts. ** [[John Calvin]], Book III Ch. 20 First Rule, para. 1 and 2. *Some one will say, Does he not know without a monitor both what our difficulties are, and what is meet for our interest, so that it seems in some measure superfluous to solicit him by our prayers, as if he were winking, or even sleeping, until aroused by the sound of our voice? Those who argue thus attend not to the end for which the Lord taught us to pray. It was not so much for his sake as for ours. ... It is very much for our interest to be constantly supplicating him; first, that our heart may always be inflamed with a serious and ardent desire of seeking, loving and serving him, while we accustom ourselves to have recourse to him as a sacred anchor in every necessity; secondly, that no desires, no longing whatever, of which we are ashamed to make him the witness, may enter our minds, while we learn to place all our wishes in his sight, and thus pour out our heart before him; and, lastly, that we may be prepared to receive all his benefits with true gratitude and thanksgiving, while our prayers remind us that they proceed from his hand. ** [[John Calvin]], ''[[Institutes of the Christian Religion]]'', Book 3, Chapter 20, Section 3 (1536) * Let the first rule of right prayer then be, to have our heart and mind framed as becomes those who are entering into converse with God. This we shall accomplish in regard to the mind, if, laying aside carnal thoughts and cares which might interfere with the direct and pure contemplation of God, it not only be wholly intent on prayer, but also, as far as possible, be borne and raised above itself. ... When I say it must be raised above itself, I mean that it must not bring into the presence of God any of those things which our blind and stupid reason is wont to devise, nor keep itself confined within the little measure of its own vanity, but rise to a purity worthy of God. ** [[John Calvin]], ''[[Institutes of the Christian Religion]]'', Book 3, Chapter 20, Section 4 (1536) * The ceremony of lifting up our hands in prayer is designed to remind us that we are far removed from God, unless our thoughts rise upward. ** [[John Calvin]], ''[[Institutes of the Christian Religion]]'', Book 3, Chapter 20, Section 5 (1536) * Can we suppose anything more hateful or even more execrable to God than this fiction of asking the pardon of sins, while he who asks at the very time either thinks that he is not a sinner, or, at least, is not thinking that he is a sinner; in other words, a fiction by which God is plainly held in derision? ** [[John Calvin]], ''[[Institutes of the Christian Religion]]'', Book 3, Chapter 20, Section 6 (1536) * He who comes into the presence of God to pray must divest himself of all vainglorious thoughts, lay aside all idea of worth; in short, discard all self- confidence, humbly giving God the whole glory, lest by arrogating any thing, however little, to himself, vain pride cause him to turn away his face. ** [[John Calvin]], ''[[Institutes of the Christian Religion]]'', Book 3, Chapter 20, Section 8 (1536) * As our blessed Lord has required us to pray that his kingdom may come, and his will be done on earth as it is in heaven, it becomes us not only to express our desires of that event by words, but to use every lawful method to spread the knowledge of his name. In order to this, it is necessary that we should become, in some measure acquainted with the religious state of the world; and as this is an object we should be prompted to pursue, not only by the gospel of our Redeemer, but even by the feelings of humanity, so an inclination to conscientious activity therein would form one of the strongest proofs that we are the subjects of grace, and partakers of that spirit of universal benevolence and genuine philanthropy, which appear so eminent in the character of God himself. ** [[William Carey (missionary)|William Carey]], [http://ia700108.us.archive.org/5/items/anenquiryintothe11449gut/11449-h/11449-h.htm ''An Enquiry into the Obligations of Christians to Use Means for the Conversion of the Heathens'' (1792)], Introduction * The most glorious works of grace that have ever took place, have been in answer to prayer; and it is in this way, we have the greatest reason to suppose, that the glorious out-pouring of the Spirit, which we expect at last, will be bestowed. ** [[William Carey (missionary)|William Carey]], ''An Enquiry into the Obligations of Christians'' (1792), Sect. V : ''An Enquiry into the Duty of Christians in general, and what Means ought to be used, in order to promote this Work.'' * Many can do nothing but pray, and prayer is perhaps the only thing in which Christians of all denominations can cordially, and unreservedly unite; but in this we may all be one, and in this the strictest unanimity ought to prevail. Were the whole body thus animated by one soul, with what pleasure would Christians attend on all the duties of religion, and with what delight would their ministers attend on all the business of their calling. <br>We must not be contented however with praying, without ''exerting ourselves in the use of means'' for the obtaining of those things we pray for. ''Were the children of light'', but ''as wise in their generation as the children of this world'', they would stretch every nerve to gain so glorious a prize, nor ever imagine that it was to be obtained in any other way. ** [[William Carey (missionary)|William Carey]], ''An Enquiry into the Obligations of Christians'' (1792), Sect. V : ''An Enquiry into the Duty of Christians in general, and what Means ought to be used, in order to promote this Work.'' * Suppose your prayers aren't answered. What do you say? "Well, it's God's will." "Thy will be done." Fine, but if it's God's will, and He's going to do what He wants to anyway, why the fuck bother praying in the first place? Seems like a big waste of time to me! Couldn't you just skip the praying part and go right to His will? It's all very confusing. ** [[George Carlin]], ''You Are All Diseased'' (1999). * I noticed that all the prayers I used to offer to God, and all the prayers I now offer to [[w:Joe Pesci|Joe Pesci]], are being answered at about the same 50% rate. Half the time I get what I want, half the time I don't. Same as God, 50-50. Same as the four-leaf clover and the horseshoe, the wishing well and the rabbit's foot, same as the Mojo Man, same as the Voodoo Lady who tells you your fortune by squeezing the goat's testicles, it's all the same: 50-50. So just pick your superstition, sit back, make a wish, and enjoy yourself. ** [[George Carlin]], ''You Are All Diseased'' (1999). * To attribute the efficacy of prayers or of sacramental signs to their mere external performance, apart from the interior dispositions they demand, is to fall into superstition. ** [[Catechism of the Catholic Church]] (1992), § 2111. * Can a little speck in the vast universe truly address the Infinite? The answer is that Prayer is precisely what converts that little speck into an entity of inestimable and cosmic significance. ** [[Jeffrey Cohen]], ''Following the Synagogue Service'', Chapter III, p. 23, Gnesia Publications, 1997, {{ISBN|0-946000-01-8}} * He prayeth best who [[loveth]] best<br>[[All]] things, both great and small. ** [[Samuel Taylor Coleridge]], ''The Rime of the Ancient Mariner'' (1798; 1817), Part VII. * He prayeth well who loveth well<br>Both man and bird and beast. ** [[Samuel Taylor Coleridge]], ''The Rime of the Ancient Mariner'' (1798; 1817), Part VII. ==D== * To feel the supreme and moving [[beauty]] of the spectacle to which [[Nature]] invites her ephemeral guests! … that is what I call prayer. ** [[Claude Debussy]], quoted in ''Claude Debussy: His Life and Works'' (1933) by Léon Vallas. * People in intolerable circumstances will pray to anything. Truly, there are no atheists in foxholes: the men there pray to the bombs that they may land somewhere else. ** [[w:Thomas M. Disch|Thomas M. Disch]], ''The Roaches'' (1965), reprinted in [[w:Peter Haining (author)|Peter Haining]] (ed.), ''The Flying Sorcerers'' (1998), <small> {{ISBN|0-441-00577-2}}, </small> p. 127 * Every third-grader knows that prayer is the lifting up of one's mind and heart to God. But there are many ways of lifting. It begins with vocal prayer, the one all of us are so familiar with. It goes on to mental prayer and meditation, a prayer that all too many people are ''unfamiliar'' with. This "lifting" also includes the prayer of silence, the prayer of the heart, contemplative prayer, unknown to still more people. ** [[Catherine Doherty]], ''The Gospel Without Compromise'' (Notre Dame, Indiana: Ave Maria Press, 1976), p. 115. * The man who prays in secret is far more likely to be sincere than he who loves to pray standing in the street, or in the great congregation. ** Madison Washington in ''{{w|The Heroic Slave}}'' by [[Frederick Douglass]], published in ''Autographs for Freedom'', edited by {{w|Julia Griffiths}}, Cleveland: {{w|John P. Jewett & Company}}, 1853 == E== [[File:Ernst Hildebrand Verzweiflung 1885.jpg|thumb|First pray for the gift of tears, so that through sorrowing you may tame what is savage in your soul. And having confessed your transgressions to the Lord, you will obtain forgiveness from Him. ~ [[Evagrios the Solitary]]]] * In memorizing the prayer, it may be helpful to remind yourself that you are not addressing some extraterrestrial being outside you. The kingdom of heaven is within us, and the Lord is enshrined in the depths of our own consciousness. In this prayer we are calling deep into ourselves, appealing to the spark of the divine that is our real nature. ** [[Eknath Easwaran]], ''God Makes the Rivers Flow'' (1982), p. 184. * Prayer that craves a particular commodity, — any thing less than all good, — is vicious. ** [[Ralph Waldo Emerson]], “Self-Reliance”. * First pray for the gift of tears, so that through sorrowing you may tame what is savage in your soul. And having confessed your transgressions to the Lord, you will obtain forgiveness from Him. ** [[Evagrios the Solitary]], ''On Prayer: One Hundred and Fifty-Three Texts'', #5, in ''[[Philokalia]]'', as translated and edited by G. E. H. Palmer, Philip Sherrard and Kallistos Ware (1979) *When praying on behalf of Pharaoh to remove the plague of hail from him, Moses went out of the town to do so (Exod. 9. 20), because he would not pray in the midst of the idols and abominations that polluted the place and rendered it unfit for prayer to the throne of mercy. He went into the open, pure air of God to pray to God. ** ''{{w|Exodus Rabbah}} 12'', ''[http://www.sacred-texts.com/jud/tmm/tmm07.htm Tales and Maxims from the Midrash]'' by Rev. Samuel Rapaport, (1907), p. 94-95 * [[King David|David]] advisedly calls one of his [[Psalms|Psalms]] (Psalm 90) 'A prayer of Moses, the man of God,' and another Psalm (Psalm 102) he names 'A prayer of the afflicted,' to convey to us the truth that the prayer of the greatest and of the most humble of men, that of the richest and that of the poorest, of the slave and of the master, are equal before God. : Prayers should be said in common, master and man mistress and maid, rich and poor together, for all are equal before God. :* ''{{w|Exodus Rabbah}} 21'', ''[http://www.sacred-texts.com/jud/tmm/tmm07.htm Tales and Maxims from the Midrash]'' by Rev. Samuel Rapaport, (1907), p. 99 * If your hands are stained by dishonesty, your prayers will be polluted and impure, and an offence to Him to whom you direct them. Do not pray at all before you have your hands purified from every dishonest act. ** ''{{w|Exodus Rabbah}} 22'', ''[http://www.sacred-texts.com/jud/tmm/tmm07.htm Tales and Maxims from the Midrash]'' by Rev. Samuel Rapaport, (1907), p. 100 * God requires but earnest prayer and a penitent heart. <br> Israel was redeemed from Egypt in answer to prayer. Joshua became a conqueror because of his prayer; in the days of the judges help was obtained by prayer; Samuel's help for his people was granted in reply to prayer. **''{{w|Exodus Rabbah}} 38'' ''[http://www.sacred-texts.com/jud/tmm/tmm07.htm Tales and Maxims from the Midrash]'' by Rev. Samuel Rapaport, (1907), p. 105-106 ==F== * Reader, pray that soon this Iron Age<br>Will crumble, and [[Beauty]] escape the rusting cage. ** [[Philip José Farmer]], in "Beauty in This Iron Age" in ''Starlanes'' #11 (Fall 1953); re-published in ''Pearls From Peoria'' (2006). * He kneels and prays to heaven but nothing happens. ** [[Jeffrey Ford]], ''The Delicate,'' reprinted in ''The Fantasy Writer's Assistant'' (2002), <small> {{ISBN|1-930846-10-X}}, </small> p. 160 * I used to think that prayer should have the first place and teaching the second. I now feel that it would be truer to give prayer the first, second and third place, and teaching the fourth. ** [[James O. Fraser]] 1922 in Geraldine Taylor, ''Behind the Ranges: The Life-changing Story of J.O. Fraser'', Singapore: OMF International (IHQ) Ltd., 1998, 269. ==G== * Prayer is not an asking. It is a longing of the soul. It is a daily admission of one's weakness. ** [[Mahatma Gandhi]] in ''Young India'' (23 September 1926). * In spite of [[despair]] staring me in the face on the political horizon, I have never lost my [[peace]]. In fact, I have found people who [[envy]] my peace. That peace, I tell you, comes from ''prayer''; I am not a man of learning, but I humbly claim to be a man of prayer. I am indifferent as to the form. Every one is a [[law]] unto himself in that respect. But there are some well-marked roads, and it is safe to walk along the beaten tracks, trod by the ancient [[teachers]]. Well, I have given my personal testimony. Let every one try and find that as a result of daily prayer, he adds some thing new to his life, something which nothing can be compared. ** [[Mahatma Gandhi]] in ''Young India'' (24 September 1931), also in [http://www.archive.org/details/teachingsofmahat029222mbp ''Teachings Of Mahatma Gandhi'' (1945), edited by Jag Parvesh Chander, p. 457]. * Supplication, worship, prayer are no superstition; they are acts more real than the acts of eating, drinking, sitting or walking. It is no exaggeration to say that they alone are real. ** [[Mahatma Gandhi]], quoted in ''The Ways and Power of Love: Types, Factors, and Techniques of Moral Transformation'' (2002) by Pitirim Aleksandrovich Sorokin, Ch. 18: The Techniques of Altruistic Transformation (''concluded''), p. 339. * Prayer needs no speech. I have not the slightest doubt that prayer is an unfailing means of cleansing the heart of passions. But it must be combined with the utmost humility. **[[Mahatma Gandhi]], quoted in ''The Ways and Power of Love: Types, Factors, and Techniques of Moral Transformation'' (2002) by Pitirim Aleksandrovich Sorokin, Ch. 18: The Techniques of Altruistic Transformation (''concluded''), p. 339. *A prayerful heart is the vehicle and service makes the heart prayerful. **[[Mahatma Gandhi]], quoted in [[Arun Shourie]], ''Preparing: For Death.'' Penguin Random House India Private Limited, 2020. ISBN 935305978X, ISBN 9789353059781 *It is better in prayer to have a heart without words than words without a heart. **[[Mahatma Gandhi]], quoted in [[Arun Shourie]], ''Preparing: For Death.'' Penguin Random House India Private Limited, 2020. ISBN 935305978X, ISBN 9789353059781 *The prayers of those whose tongues are nectared but whose hearts are full of poison are never heard. **[[Mahatma Gandhi]], quoted in [[Arun Shourie]], ''Preparing: For Death.'' Penguin Random House India Private Limited, 2020. ISBN 935305978X, ISBN 9789353059781 [[File:Sagaing, Sun U Ponya Shin 04.jpg|thumb|Do not [[complain]] and cry and [[pray]], but open your eyes and [[see]], for the [[light]] is all about you, and it is so [[wonderful]], so beautiful, so far beyond anything of which men have ever dreamt, for which they have ever prayed, and it is for ever and for ever. ~ [[Gautama Buddha]]]] *Do not [[complain]] and cry and [[pray]], but open your eyes and [[see]], for the [[light]] is all about you, and it is so [[wonderful]], so beautiful, so far beyond anything of which men have ever dreamt, for which they have ever prayed, and it is for ever and for ever. **[[Gautama Buddha]], quoted by [[Charles Webster Leadbeater]], in [[The Masters and the Path|''The Masters and the Path'']] (1925) p. 229 * Nothing fails like prayer. ** Attributed to Anne Nicol Gaylor in {{w|Dan Barker}}, ''The Good Atheist'' (2011), p. 98. * The feeble prayer which a sick person can offer himself is infinitely better than all the prayers offered for him by others. ** ''{{w|Genesis Rabbah}} 53'', ''[http://www.sacred-texts.com/jud/tmm/tmm07.htm Tales and Maxims from the Midrash]'' by Rev. Samuel Rapaport, (1907), p.81 * When {{w|Rebecca}} left her parents' house they blessed her, and prayed that she might be the mother of millions of people (Gen. 24. 60). Yet she was barren till she herself and Isaac supplicated the Lord. Hence we see that it makes a difference who offers prayers.--Gen. Rabba 60. ** ''{{w|Genesis Rabbah}} 60'', ''[http://www.sacred-texts.com/jud/tmm/tmm07.htm Tales and Maxims from the Midrash]'' by Rev. Samuel Rapaport, (1907), p.81-82 * At church, with meek and unaffected [[grace]],<br>His looks adorn'd the venerable place;<br>[[Truth]] from his lips prevailed with double sway,<br>And [[fools]], who came to scoff, remain'd to pray. ** [[Oliver Goldsmith]], ''The Deserted Village'' (1770), line 177. *'''From''' the point of Light within the Mind of God * Let light stream forth into the minds of men. * Let Light descend on Earth. <br> * '''From''' the point of Love within the Heart of God * Let love stream forth into the hearts of men. * May Christ return to Earth.<br> * '''From''' the centre where the Will of God is known * Let purpose guide the little wills of men – * The purpose which the Masters know and serve. <br> * '''From''' the centre which we call the race of men * Let the Plan of Love and Light work out * And may it seal the door where evil dwells.<BR> * '''Let''' Light and Love and Power restore the Plan on Earth. **[[The Great Invocation]] * '''For beginners prayer is like a joyous fire kindled in the heart; for the perfect it is like a vigorous sweet-scented light.''' Or again, prayer is the preaching of the Apostles, an action of faith or, rather, faith itself, 'that makes real for us the things for which we hope' (Heb. 11:1), active love, angelic impulse, the power of the bodiless spirits, their work and delight, the Gospel of God, the heart's assurance, hope of salvation, a sign of purity, a token of holiness, knowledge of God, baptism made manifest, purification in the water of regeneration, a pledge of the Holy Spirit, the exultation of Jesus, the soul's delight, God's mercy, a sign of reconciliation, the seal of Christ, a ray of the noetic sun, the heart's dawn-star, the confirmation of the Christian faith, the disclosure of reconciliation with God, God's grace, God's wisdom or, rather, the origin of true and absolute Wisdom; the revelation of God, the work of monks, the life of hesychasts, the source of stillness, and expression of the angelic state. Why say more? '''Prayer is God, who accomplishes everything in everyone''' (cf. 1 Cor. 12:6), for there is a single action of Father, Son and Holy Spirit, activating all things through Christ Jesus. ** [[Gregory of Sinai]], #113, ''On Commandments and Doctrines''. In: Palmer, G. E. H.; Ware, Kallistos; Sherrard, Philip (1999). ''The Philokalia: The Complete Text. Vol. 4''. Faber and Faber, p. 237-8. ==H== *Narrated As-Saburah: The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: Command a boy to pray when he reaches the age of seven years. When he becomes ten years old, then beat him for prayer. **HADITH Sunan Abu Dawud 2:494 *Narrated Abdullah ibn Amr ibn al-'As: The Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him) said: Command your children to pray when they become seven years old, and beat them for it (prayer) when they become ten years old; and arrange their beds (to sleep) separately. **Sunan Abu Dawud 2:495 * What returns does prayer show? None, if it is real prayer. For prayer is for [[growth]]. We can therefore, never return to what we were thank heaven, for we are growers. So prayer is a call. And it's answered by a call. We call up and we are called on. We're summoned, told to advance, to grow. That's the nerve of prayer, as prayer is the nerve of [[religion]]. ** [[w:Gerald Heard|Gerald Heard]], ''Reflections'' (1959). * He that will learn to pray, let him go to [[Sea]]. ** [[George Herbert]], ''Jacula Prudentum'' (1651), No. 89. * In prayer the lips ne'er act the winning part<br>Without the sweet concurrence of the [[heart]]. ** [[Robert Herrick (poet)|Robert Herrick]], ''Hesperides'' (1648), ''The Heart''. * Prayer invites the Eternal Presence to suffuse or spirits and let [[God]]'s will prevail in our lives. Prayer cannot bring [[water]] to parched fields, or mend a broken bridge, or rebuild a ruined city; but prayer can water an arid [[soul]], mend a broken heart, and rebuild a weakened will. ** Prayer based on statements of [[Abraham Joshua Heschel]] in ''[[w:Shaarei Tefillah|Shaarei Tefillah]]'' (''Gates of Prayer'', a [[w:Siddur|siddur]]). Quoted in ''The Jewish Moral Virtues'' (1999) by Eugene B. Borowitz and Frances Weinman Schwartz. * The focus of prayer is not the [[self]]. … It is the momentary disregard of our personal concerns, the absence of self-centered thoughts, which constitute the art of prayer. [[Feeling]] becomes prayer in the [[moment]] in which we [[Kenosis|forget ourselves]] and become [[aware]] of [[God]]. .... Thus, in beseeching Him for bread, there is ''one'' instant, at least, in which our mind is directed neither to our hunger nor to food, but to His mercy. This instant is prayer. We start with a personal concern and live to feel the utmost. ** [[Abraham Joshua Heschel]], as quoted in ''Judaism'' (1998) by Arthur Hertzberg, p. 300 * Just to be is a [[blessing]]. Just to live is holy. And yet being alive is no answer to the problems of living. To be or not to be is not the question. The vital question is: how to be and how not to be? <br /> The tendency to forget this vital question is the tragic disease of contemporary man, a disease that may prove fatal, that may end in disaster. To pray is to recollect ''passionately'' the perpetual urgency of this vital question. ** [[Abraham Joshua Heschel]], ''Moral Grandeur and Spiritual Audacity: Essays'', p. 264 ==I== * Is there never a chink in the world above<br>Where they listen for words from below? ** [[Jean Ingelow]], "Supper at the Mill", in ''Poems'' (London: Longman, Green, Longman, Roberts, & Green, 1863), p. 48. * The prayer of Noah,<br>He cried out in the darkness, Hear, O God,<br>Hear HIM: hear this one; through the gates of death,<br>If life be all past praying for, O give<br>To Thy great multitude a way to peace;<br>Give them to HIM. ** [[Jean Ingelow]], ''A Story of Doom'', Book IX, Stanza 6, in ''A Story of Doom and Other Poems'' (London: Longmans, Green, and Co., 1867), p. 203. * I have lived to thank God that ''all'' my prayers have not been answered. ** [[Jean Ingelow]], ''Off the Skelligs: A Novel'' (Boston: Roberts Brothers, 1872), Ch. XXXI, p. 571. * It may be that ministers really think that their prayers do good, and it may be that frogs imagine that their croaking brings spring. ** [[Robert G. Ingersoll]], "[http://www.infidels.org/library/historical/robert_ingersoll/which_way.html Which Way?]" (1884). * Who is a worshiper? What is prayer? What is real religion? Let me answer these questions. <br> Good, honest, faithful work, is worship. The man who ploughs the fields and fells the forests; the man who works in mines, the man who battles with the winds and waves out on the wide sea, controlling the commerce of the world; these men are worshipers. The man who goes into the forest, leading his wife by the hand, who builds him a cabin, who makes a home in the wilderness, who helps to people and civilize and cultivate a continent, is a worshiper. <br> Labor is the only prayer that Nature answers; it is the only prayer that deserves an answer, — good, honest, noble work. ** [[Robert G. Ingersoll]], in [http://www.infidels.org/library/historical/robert_ingersoll/blasphemy_trial.html appeal to the jury in the trial of C.B. Reynolds for blasphemy (May 1887)]. ==J== * If a brother or sister be naked, and destitute of daily food, and one of you say unto them, "Depart in peace, be ye warmed and filled"; notwithstanding ye give them not those things which are needful to the body; what doth it profit? Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead. **[[Epistle of James|James]] 2:15-17 ([[King James Version|KJV]]). * The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. **[[Epistle of James|James]] 5:16 ([[King James Version|KJV]]). * But petitional prayer is only one department of prayer; and if we take the word in the wider sense as meaning every kind of inward communion or conversation with the power recognized as divine, we can easily see that scientific criticism leaves it untouched. Prayer in this wide sense is the very soul and essence of religion. ** [[William James]], ''Varieties of Religious Experience'' (1902), Lecture XIX, "Other Characteristics". * But though I repeated my plea, and waited on my knees for nearly an hour, there was no answer. ** [[N. K. Jemisin]], ''[[w:The Broken Kingdoms|The Broken Kingdoms]]'' (2011), Chapter 9 *Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name; thy kingdom come; thy will be done; on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation; but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory, for ever and ever. Amen. **Jesus, in [[Gospel of Matthew|Matthew]] 6:9-13 , as quoted in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/lord-s-prayer-be-given-three-versions-1411325.html Lord's Prayer to be given in three versions, by Andrew Brown, ''Independent UK''], (18 September 2011) ==K== * I have visited a few astronauts, but all three either ignored me or prayed. The senseless chanting, I confess, repulsed me. ** [[Jaroslav Kalfař]], ''[[w:List of fictional astronauts (exploration of inner Solar System)|Spaceman of Bohemia]]'' (2017), Chapter 6 * If prayer is an offering of the lips and pleasing to God, then mercifulness is actually the heart’s offering and is, as Scripture says, a sweet fragrance in God’s nostrils. Oh, when you think of God, never forget that he does not have the least understanding about money. My listener, if you were a speaker, what assignment would you choose: to speak to the rich about practicing generosity or to the poor about practicing mercifulness? I am quite sure which one I would choose or, rather, which one I have chosen-if only I were a speaker. Oh, there is something indescribably reconciling in speaking to the poor man about practicing mercifulness! ** [[Søren Kierkegaard]], ''Works of Love'' (1847), as translated by H. and E. Hong (1995) p. 321-322 * The surprising happened to him. In proportion as he became more and more earnest in prayer, he had less and less to say, and in the end he became quite silent. He became silent – indeed, what is if possible still more expressly the opposite of speaking, he became a hearer. He had supposed that to pray is to speak; he learnt that to pray is not merely to be silent but to hear. And so it is; to pray is not to hear oneself speak, but it is to be silent, and to remain silent, to wait, until the man who prays hears God. ** [[Soren Kierkegaard]] Kierkegaard’s Christian Discourses & The Lilies of the Field & the Birds of the Air & The Discourses at the Communion on Fridays translated by Walter Lowrie Oxford University Press 1961 - p. 323 *Lord Jesus Christ, our foolish minds are weak; they are more than willing to be drawn&mdash;and there is so much that wants to draw us to itself. There is pleasure with its seductive power, the multiplicity with its bewildering distractions, the moment with its infatuating importance and the conceited laboriousness of busyness and the careless time-wasting of light-mindedness and the gloomy brooding of heavy-mindedness&mdash;all this will draw us away from ourselves to itself in order to deceive us. But you, who are truth, only you, our Savior and Redeemer, can truly draw a person to yourself, which you have promised to do&mdash;that you will draw all to yourself. Then may God grant that by repenting we may come to ourselves, so that you, according to your Word, can draw us to yourself&mdash;from on high, but through lowliness and abasement. ** [[Søren Kierkegaard]], ''Practice in Christianity'' (1850), as translated by H. and E. Hong (1991), p. 157 * In the face of real danger Elak forgot the gods and drew his rapier. Prayers, he had found, would not halt a dagger’s blow or a strangler’s hands. ** [[Henry Kuttner]], ''The Spawn Of Dagon'' (Originally published in the July 1938 issue of ''[[w:Weird Tales|Weird Tales]]).'' ==L== * All the world screamed. The Reverend did not pray, having decided long ago his boss had already made up his mind about things. ** [[w:Joe R. Lansdale|Joe R. Lansdale]], ''The Red-Headed Dead'' (2014), in [[w:John Joseph Adams|John Joseph Adams]] (ed.), ''Dead Man’s Hand,'' {{ISBN|9781781164501}}, p. 14 * A knowledge of the hidden side of life by no means teaches us to forget our [[dead]], but it makes us exceedingly careful as to how we think of them; it warns us that we must adopt a resolutely unselfish attitude, that we must forget all about ourselves, and the pain of the apparent separation, and think of them neither with grief nor with longing, but always with strong affectionate wishes for their happiness and their progress. The [[clairvoyant]] sees exactly in what manner such wishes affect them, and at once perceives the truth which underlies the teaching of the [[Catholic Church]] with regard to the advisability of prayers for the dead. By these both the living and the dead are helped; for the former, instead of being thrown back upon his grief with a hopeless feeling that now he can do nothing, since there is a great gulf between himself and his loved one, is encouraged to turn his affectionate thought into definite action which promotes the happiness and advancement of him who has passed from his sight in the physical world. **[[C.W. Leadbeater]] ''The Hidden Side of things'' by [[C.W. Leadbeater]], (1913) * If she had supposed the gods ever listened, she would have prayed. ** [[Tanith Lee]], ''Game Players'' in ''[[w:Night's Sorceries|Night's Sorceries]]'' (1987), p. 214 * He spake a parable unto them to this end, that men ought always to pray, and not to faint. **[[w:Gospel of Luke|Luke]] 18:1 ([[w:Authorized King James Version|KJV]]) == M == * Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed. ** [[Gospel of Mark]] 1:35. * For verily I say unto you, That whosoever shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; and shall not doubt in his heart, but shall believe that those things which he saith shall come to pass; he shall have whatsoever he saith. Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them. ** Attributed to [[Jesus]] in [[w:Gospel of Mark|Mark]] [[s:Bible (King James)/Mark#11:23|11:23-24]] ([[w:Authorized King James Version|KJV]]). * Prayer was not so much a matter of asking for something as a clear statement of what was important to you; a definition of who you were, and what you lacked, what you were sorry for, what you wished to be. A peeling away to your essence. ** [[w:fr:Mary McMullen|Mary McMullen]], ''Death by Bequest'' (1977), Ch. 19. * She thought about praying, but learned long ago there’d be no answer. ** [[Brad Meltzer]], ''[[w:The Escape Artist (novel)|The Escape Artist]]'' (2018), <small> {{ISBN|978-1-4555-5952-7}}, </small> p. 351 * “My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.” ** [[Thomas Merton]], ''[https://search.worldcat.org/title/1151459178 Thoughts In Solitude]'' (1956) * “And for what it’s worth, which in my professional opinion isn’t a bloody lot, I’ll pray for you.”<br>“Pray to what?” Marge said. He smiled....<br>“Fuck it,” the man said. “Tell you what. What’s the point collecting stuff you don’t use? I’ll pray to all of them.” ** [[China Miéville]], ''[[w:Kraken (Novel)|Kraken]]'' (2010), {{ISBN|978-0-345-49749-9}}, Chapter 44 (p. 268; ellipsis represents a one-sentence elision of description) * For those who do not guard their morals,<br>Prayers are but wishful thinking.<br>For those who do not practice what they preach,<br>Oratory is but faithless lying. ** [[Milarepa]], ''Songs of Milarepa'', as translated and edited by Garma C. C. Chang (1975), p. 17 * Hear his sighs though mute;<br>Unskillful with what words to pray, let me<br>Interpret for him. ** [[John Milton]], ''[[Paradise Lost]]'' (1667; 1674), Book XI, line 31. * But that from us aught should ascend to Heav'n<br>So prevalent as to concern the mind<br>Of God, high-bless'd, or to incline His will,<br>Hard to belief may seem; yet this will prayer. ** [[John Milton]], ''[[Paradise Lost]]'' (1667; 1674), Book XI, line 143. * And if by prayer<br>Incessant I could hope to change the will<br>Of Him who all things can, I would not cease<br>To weary Him with my assiduous cries. ** [[John Milton]], ''[[Paradise Lost]]'' (1667; 1674), Book XI, line 307. * ''Mein einziges Gebet ist das um Vertiefung. Durch sie allein kann ich wieder zu Gott gelangen. Vertiefung! Vertiefung!'' ** My only prayer is a prayer for depth. Through depth alone can I come closer to God. Depth! Depth! *** [[Christian Morgenstern]], ''Stufen: Eine Entwickelung in Aphorismen und Tagebuch-Notizen'' (1922), p. 14. ==N== *There are not petitional or [[w:intercessory prayer|intercessory prayers]] in Buddhism. However much we may pray to the Buddha we cannot be saved. The Buddha does not grant favors to those who pray to Him. Instead of petitional prayers there is [[meditation]] that leads to self-control, purification and enlightenment. Meditation is neither a silent reverie nor keeping the mind blank. It is an active striving. It serves as a tonic both to the heart and the mind. The Buddha not only speaks of the futility of offering prayers but also disparages a slave mentality. A Buddhist should not pray to be saved, but should rely on himself and win his freedom. ** [[Narada Maha Thera]], ''Buddhism in a Nutshell'' ==P== * I don't need to pray. I have God in myself. ** [[Ashraf Pahlavi]], ''[http://www.people.com/people/archive/article/0,,20076413,00.html In Bitter American Exile, the Shah's Twin Sister, Ashraf, Defends Their Dynasty]'', ''[[w:People (magazine)|People]]'' (May 05, 1980) * I will pray with my spirit, but I will pray with my mind also; I will sing praise with my spirit, but I will sing with my mind also. ** [[Paul of Tarsus]], [[1 Corinthians]] 14:15 [[w:English Standard Version|ESV]] * Praying without ceasing is not ritualized, nor are there even words. It is a constant state of awareness of oneness with God; it is a sincere seeking for a good thing; and it is a concentration on the thing sought, with faith that it is obtainable. ** [[Peace Pilgrim]], ''Peace Pilgrim: Her Life and Work in Her Own Words‎'' (1994), p. 75. * I talk to God but the sky is empty. ** [[Sylvia Plath]], Draft of letter to Richard Sassoon ({{#formatdate:1950-02-19}}), collected in Karen V. Kukil (ed.), ''The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath'' (2000). * I used to pray to recover you. ** [[Sylvia Plath]], "[[w:Daddy (poem)|Daddy]]" (October 12, 1962), line 14; published posthumously in ''[[w:Ariel (poetry collection)|Ariel]]'' (1965). * Oh dear [[w:Pan (god)|Pan]] and all the other Gods of this place, grant that I may be beautiful inside. ** [[Plato]], [[Socrates|Socrates’]] prayer in ''Phaedrus'', 279 * He pray'd by quantity,<br>And with his repetitions, long and loud,<br>All knees were weary. ** [[Robert Pollok]], ''The Course of Time'' (1827), Part VIII, line 628. * Oats knelt in the mud and tried a prayer, but there was no answering voice from the sky. There never had been. He’d been told never to expect one. That wasn’t how Om worked anymore. Alone of all the gods, he’d been taught, Om delivered the answers straight into the depths of the head. Since the prophet Brutha, Om was the silent god. That’s what they said.<br>If you didn’t have faith, then you weren’t anything. There was just the dark.<br>He shuddered in the gloom. Was the god silent, or was there no one to speak? ** [[Discworld|Terry Pratchett]], ''Carpe Jugulum'' (1998) * That’s what prayers are...it’s frightened people trying to make friends with the bully! ** [[Discworld|Terry Pratchett]], ''The Last Hero'' (2001) * God detests the prayers of a person who ignores the law. ** [[Solomon]], [[Proverbs]] 28:9, New Living Translation ==Q== * '''When trouble toucheth a man, He crieth unto Us (in all postures)- lying down on his side, or sitting, or standing. But when We have solved his trouble, he passeth on his way as if he had never cried to Us for a trouble that touched him!''' thus do the deeds of transgressors seem fair in their eyes! ** [[Quran]] 10: 12 * "Observe prayer at early morning, at the close of the day, and at the approach of night; for the good deeds drive away the evil deeds." ** [[Quran]] * "Put up then with what they say; and celebrate the praise of thy Loud before the sunrise, and before its setting: and some time in the night do thou praise Him, and in the extremes of the day, that thou haply mayest please Him." ** [[Quran]] * "Observe prayer at sunset, till the first darkening of the night, and the daybreak reading-for the daybreak reading hath its witnesses', and watch unto it in the night: this shall he an excess in service." ** [[Quran]] * "Seek aid with patience and prayer." ** [[Quran]] * "When ye have fulfilled your prayer, remember God standing and sitting, and lying on your sides; and when ye are in safety, then be steadfast in prayer-. Verily prayer is for the believers prescribed and timed." ** [[Quran]] ==R== * But what happens in true petitionary prayer when it is part of genuine religion? Human beings face the incomprehensible plan of their existence, which they accept as at once incomprehensible and yet as originating in the wisdom and love of God; however it may turn out, whether it brings life or death. people then have a sense of themselves, with their own identity and vital impulses, as willed by God, without waiting to produce or force an intelligible synthesis between their vital impulses and the plan of their existence. And so they say Yes to the incomprehensibility of God and to their own will to live, without wanting to know how the two fit together. The unity of the two, which is not something that we can create, is petitionary prayer, since '''it is only prayer if it says radically, "Your will, not mine", and it would not be petitionary prayer if it did not dare to ask God for something which we had thought of ourselves'''. Petitionary prayer is thus simply actualising the incomprehensibility of human existence which, down to the last fibre, comes from God alone and goes out to him, and yet is such that it can hold its own before God and not be destroyed. ** [[Karl Rahner]] and [[w:de:Karl-Heinz Weger|Karl-Heinz Weger]], ''Our Christian Faith'', translated by Francis McDonagh (London: Burns & Oates, 1980), pp. 63–64. * [[Passion]] is the [[power]] of prayer. ** [[Hiratsuka Raichō]], ''In The Beginning Woman Was The Sun'' (『元始、女性は太陽であった』, ''Genshi, josei wa taiyō de atta''), first published 1971-1973; translated by Teruko Craig in {{cite book |title=In the Beginning, Woman was the Sun: The Autobiography of a Japanese Feminist |date=2010 |publisher=Columbia University Press |isbn=978-0-231-13813-0 |page=157 |url=https://www.google.com/books/edition/In_the_Beginning_Woman_was_the_Sun/h4O-AwAAQBAJ?hl=en-419&gbpv=1&pg=PA157}} * The Divine wisdom has given us prayer, not as a means whereby to obtain the good things of earth, but as a means whereby we learn to do without them; not as a means whereby we escape evil, but as a means whereby we become strong to meet it. ** [[Frederick William Robertson]], quoted in ''[http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/8534# Daily Strength for Daily Needs]'' (1884), selected by Mary Tileston, February 22nd. * It is not by prayer and humility that you cause things to go as you wish, but by acquiring a knowledge of natural laws. ** [[Bertrand Russell]], ''[[The Impact of Science on Society]]'' (1952), Ch. 1 : Science and Tradition. * When does the building of the Spirit really begin to appear in a man's heart? It begins, so far as we can judge, when he first pours out his heart to God in prayer. ** [[J. C. Ryle]], ''Do You Pray?'' (Ipswich: Hunt & Son, 1852), , p. 22. ==S== * I do not pray to ask God for things. I pray to thank God for bringing me where I am. ** the character Salim in the speculative fiction television series ''[[American Gods (TV series)|American Gods]]'' (first season, 2017) * “You and your wife are in the prayers of me and our church,” he says to Rimney. “Despite of what you may think of me.”<br>“You’re in my prayers, too,” says Rimney. “I’m always praying you stop being so sanctimonious and miraculously get less full of shit.” ** [[w:George Saunders|George Saunders]], ''CommComm'' (2005) reprinted in Rich Horton (ed.), ''Fantasy: The Best of the Year 2006,'' p. 83 * It was quite incomprehensible to me — this was before I began going to school — why in my evening prayers I should pray for human beings only. So when my mother had prayed with me and had kissed me good-night, I used to add silently a prayer that I had composed myself for all living creatures. It ran thus: "O, heavenly Father, protect and bless all things that have breath; guard them from all evil, and let them sleep in peace." ** [[Albert Schweitzer]], ''Memoirs of Childhood and Youth''; in ''Reverence for Life: An Anthology of Selected Writings'', edited by Thomas Kiernan, New York: Philosophical Library, 1965, p. 1. * Prayer is the expression of desire; its value comes from our inward aspirations, from their tenor and their strength. Take away desire, the prayer ceases; increase or diminish its intensity, the prayer soars upward or has no wings. Inversely, take away the expression while leaving the desire, and the prayer in many ways remains intact. Has a child who says nothing but looks longingly at a toy in a shop-window, and then at his smiling mother, not formulated the most moving prayer? And even if he had not seen the toy, is not the desire for play, innate in the child as is the thirst for movement, in the eyes of his parents a standing prayer which they grant? ** [[w:Antonin Sertillanges|Antonin Sertillanges]], ''The Intellectual Life'' (1920), translated by Mary Ryan. Cork: The Mercier Press, 1948, p. 57. * Bow, stubborn knees; and, heart, with strings of steel,<br>Be soft as sinews of the new-born babe. ** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Hamlet]]'' (1600-02), Act III, scene 3, line 70. * My words fly up, my thoughts remain below;<br>Words without thoughts never to heaven go. ** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Hamlet]]'' (1600-02), Act III, scene 3. * All his mind is bent to holiness,<br>To number Ave-Maries on his beads. ** [[William Shakespeare]], [[Henry VI, Part 2|''Henry VI'', Part II]] (c. 1590-91), Act I, scene 3, line 58. * Rather let my head<br>Stoop to the block than these knees bow to any<br>Save to the God of heaven and to my king. ** [[William Shakespeare]], [[Henry VI, Part 2|''Henry VI'', Part II]] (c. 1590-91), Act IV, scene 1, line 124. * Go with me, like good angels, to my end;<br>And, as the long divorce of steel falls on me,<br>Make of your prayers one sweet sacrifice,<br>And lift my soul to heaven. ** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Henry VIII (play)|Henry VIII]]'' ([[w:Henry VIII (play)#Date|c. 1613]]), Act II, scene 1, line 75. * My prayers<br>Are not words duly hallow'd nor my wishes<br>More worth than empty vanities; yet prayers and wishes<br>Are all I can return. ** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Henry VIII (play)|Henry VIII]]'' ([[w:Henry VIII (play)#Date|c. 1613]]), Act II, scene 3, line 67. * "Amen"<br>Stuck in my throat. ** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Macbeth]]'' (1605), Act II, scene 2, line 32. * When I would pray and think, I think and pray<br>To several subjects; Heaven hath my empty words. ** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Measure for Measure]]'' (1603), Act II, scene 4, line 1. * His worst fault is, that he is given to prayer; he is something peevish that way; but nobody but has his fault; but let that pass. ** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Merry Wives of Windsor]]'' (published 1602), Act I, scene 4, line 13. * Well, if my wind were but long enough to say my prayers, I would repent. ** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Merry Wives of Windsor]]'' (published 1602), Act IV, scene 5, line 104. * If you bethink yourself of any crime<br>Unreconcil'd as yet to heaven and grace,<br>Solicit for it straight. ** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Othello]]'' (c. 1603), Act V, scene 2, line 26. * I find that prayers don’t work when you need them most. Unless you answer them for yourself. ** [[Charles Sheffield]], ''The Mind Pool'' (1993), <small> {{ISBN|0-671-72165-8}}, </small> p. 259 (Chapter 26) * If he is infinitely good, what reason should we have to fear him?<br />If he is infinitely wise, why should we have doubts concerning our future?<br />If he knows all, why warn him of our needs and fatigue him with our prayers?<br />If he is everywhere, why erect temples to him?<br />If he is just, why fear that he will punish the creatures that he has filled with weaknesses? ** [[Percy Bysshe Shelley]], ''The Necessity of Atheism'' (1811) * Prayer is not used to inform, for God is omniscient; not to move compassion, for God is without passions; not to show gratitude, for God knows our hearts. May not a man, that has true notions, be a pious man, though he be silent? ** [[William Shenstone]], ''Essays on Men, Manners and Things'', "On Religion", in ''The Works in Verse and Prose of William Shenstone'' Vol. II (London: R. and J. Dodsley, 1764), p. 309. * For Adoration, incense comes<br>From bezoar, and [[Arabia]]n gums,<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;And from the civet’s fur:<br>But as for prayer, or e’er it faints,<br>Far better is the breath of saints<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;Than galbanum or myrrh. ** [[W:Christopher Smart|Christopher Smart]], ''A Song to David'' (1763) * Children are the keys of Paradise … They alone are good and wise, Because their thoughts, their very lives, are prayer. ** [[Richard Henry Stoddard]], ''Songs of Summer'' (1856), p. 113. ==T== * The first things that hinders the prayer of a good man from obtaining its effects is a violent anger, and a violent storm in the spirit him who prayers. ** [[Jeremy Taylor]], Works of Jeremy Taylor, Anthology of English Prose (Dent 1948) * At the highest level of consciousness, an individual is alone. Such solitude can seem strange, unusual, even difficult. Foolish people try to escape it by means of various dissipations in order to get away from this high point, to some lower point, but wise people remain at this high point, with the help of prayer. ** [[Leo Tolstoy]], ''A Calendar of Wisdom'', P. Sekirin, trans. (1997) * Not prayer without faith, nor faith without prayer, but prayer in faith, is the cost of spiritual gifts and graces. ** [[Henry Clay Trumbull]] (1895), ''Dictionary of Burning Words of Brilliant Writers,'' p. 221 * It is best to read the weather forecast before we pray for rain. ** [[Mark Twain]], in Merle Johnson (ed.), ''More Maxims of Mark'' (1927), p. 8 ==W== [[File:Simone Weil 1931.jpg|thumb|right|School children and students who love God should never say: “For my part I like mathematics”; “I like French”; “I like Greek.” They should learn to like all these subjects, because all of them develop that faculty of attention which, directed toward God, is the very substance of prayer. ~ [[Simone Weil]]]] * School children and students who love God should never say: “For my part I like mathematics”; “I like French”; “I like Greek.” They should learn to like all these subjects, because all of them develop that faculty of attention which, directed toward God, is the very substance of prayer. ** [[Simone Weil]], ''Waiting for God'' (1951), p. 105. * MENDEL: Once you’re on your knees, you can’t stand up straight again. ** [[Elie Wiesel]], ''The Trial of God'' (1979), Act I * True prayer is waiting for God to come when and how He wants to. ** Edmund Wojtyła, older brother of Karol Wojtyła (later [[Pope John Paul II]]) as quoted in Evert, Jason. Saint John Paul the Great: His Five Loves (Kindle Locations 188-189). Totus Tuus Press. * Rapt into still communion that transcends<br>The imperfect offices of prayer and praise,<br>His mind was a thanksgiving to the power<br>That made him; it was blessedness and love! ** [[William Wordsworth]], ''The Excursion'' ==U== * God, though this life is but a wraith,<br>Although we know not what we use,<br>Although we grope with little faith,<br>Give me the heart to fight—and lose. ** [[Louis Untermeyer]], "Prayer", line 1, in ''Challenge'' (New York: The Century Co., 1915), p. 7. * From compromise and things half done,<br>Keep me with stern and stubborn pride;<br>And when, at last, the fight is won,<br>God, keep me still unsatisfied. ** [[Louis Untermeyer]], "Prayer", line 17, in ''Challenge'' (New York: The Century Co., 1914), p. 8. ==Y== * We ask for the aid of thy Holy Spirit to teach us how to pray, what we should ask for, and how to ask that we may receive. ** [[Brigham Young]], quoted in "Researcher uncovers clearer image of Brigham Young," ''Deseret News'' * Prayer ardent opens heaven. ** [[Edward Young]], ''Night Thoughts'' (1742-1745), Night VIII, line 721. ==Z== * Insofar as I may be heard by anything, which may or may not care what I say, I ask, if it matters, that you be forgiven for anything you may have done or failed to do which requires forgiveness. Conversely, if not forgiveness but something else may be required to insure any possible benefit for which you may be eligible after the destruction of your body, I ask that this, whatever it may be, be granted or withheld, as the case may be, in such a manner as to insure your receiving said benefit. I ask this in my capacity as your elected intermediary between yourself and that which may not be yourself, but which may have an interest in the matter of your receiving as much as it is possible for you to receive of this thing, and which may in some way be influenced by this ceremony. Amen. ** [[Roger Zelazny]], ''Creatures of Light and Darkness'' (1969), Chapter 3, “Death, Life, the Magician and Roses” ==''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations''== :<small>Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 625-29.</small> * Yet then from all my grief, O Lord,<br> Thy mercy set me free,<br>Whilst in the confidence of pray'r<br> My soul took hold on thee. ** [[Joseph Addison]], ''Miscellaneous Poems'', ''Divine Ode, made by a Gentleman on the Conclusion of his Travels'', Verse 6. * And from the prayer of Want, and plaint of Woe,<br> O never, never turn away thine ear!<br>Forlorn, in this bleak wilderness below,<br> Ah! what were man, should Heaven refuse to hear! ** [[James Beattie]], ''The Lay of the Last Minstrel'' (1805), Book I, Stanza 29. * She knows [[omnipotence]] has heard her prayer<br> And cries, "It shall be done—sometime, somewhere." **Ophelia G. Browning, ''Unanswered''. * Just my [[vengeance]] complete,<br>The man sprang to his feet,<br>Stood erect, caught at God's skirts, and prayed!<br>So, I was afraid! ** [[Robert Browning]], ''Instans Tyrannus'', VII. * They never sought in [[vain]] that sought the Lord aright! ** [[Robert Burns]], ''The Cotter's Saturday Night'' (1786), Stanza 6. * Father! no [[prophet]]'s laws I seek,—<br> Thy laws in Nature's works appear;—<br>I own myself [[Corruption|corrupt]] and [[Weakness|weak]],<br> Yet will I pray, for thou wilt hear. ** [[Lord Byron]], ''Prayer of Nature''. * Father of Light! Great God of Heaven!<br> Hear'st thou the accents of [[despair]]?<br>Can [[guilt]] like man's be e'er [[Forgiveness|forgiven]]?<br> Can [[Vices|vice]] atone for [[Crime|crimes]] by prayer? ** [[Lord Byron]], ''Prayer of Nature''. * Pray to be [[Perfection|perfect]], though material leaven<br>Forbid the spirit so on earth to be;<br>But if for any wish thou darest not pray,<br>Then pray to God to cast that wish away. ** [[Hartley Coleridge]], ''Poems'' (posthumous), ''Prayer''. * The [[saints]] will aid if men will call:<br>For the blue sky bends over all. ** [[Samuel Taylor Coleridge]], ''Christabel'' (c. 1797-1801, published 1816), conclusion to Part 1. * But maybe prayer is a road to rise,<br>A mountain path leading toward the skies<br>To assist the spirit who truly [[try|tries]].<br>But it isn't a shibboleth, creed, nor code,<br>It isn't a pack-horse to carry your load,<br>It isn't a wagon, it's only a road.<br>And perhaps the reward of the spirit who tries<br>Is not the goal, but the exercise! ** Edmund Vance Cooke, ''Prayer'', ''The Uncommon Commoner''. * Not as we wanted it,<br>But as God granted it. ** [[Arthur Quiller-Couch]], ''To Bearers''. * I always pray before any of the operation. I think God help me know what to do. ** [[Ben Carson]], ''Gifted Hands: The Ben Carson Story''. (p. 194). * And [[Satan]] trembles when he sees<br>The weakest saint upon his knees. ** [[William Cowper]], ''Hymns'', ''Exhortation to Prayer''. * I ask not a life for the dear ones,<br> All radiant, as others have done,<br>But that life may have just enough shadow<br> To temper the glare of the [[sun]];<br>I would pray God to guard them from [[evil]],<br> But my prayer would bound back to myself:<br>Ah! a [[Seraphim|seraph]] may pray for a sinner,<br> But a sinner must pray for himself. **Charles M. Dickinson, ''The Children''. * Our [[vows]] are heard betimes! and Heaven takes care<br> To grant, before we can conclude the prayer:<br>Preventing angels met it half the way,<br> And sent us back to [[praise]], who came to pray. ** [[John Dryden]], ''Britannia Rediviva'', first lines. * Grant [[folly|folly's]] prayers that hinder folly's wish,<br>And serve the ends of [[wisdom]]. ** [[George Eliot]], ''The Spanish Gypsy'' (1868), Book IV. * Almighty Father! let thy lowly child,<br> Strong in his [[love]] of [[truth]], be wisely [[Audacity|bold]],—<br>A patriot bard, by [[Sycophancy|sycophants]] reviled,<br> Let him live usefully, and not die old! ** Ebenezer Elliott, ''Corn Law Rhymes'', ''A Poet's Prayer''. * Though I am weak, yet God, when prayed,<br>Cannot withhold his conquering aid. ** [[Ralph Waldo Emerson]], ''The Nun's Aspiration''. * True prayer is only another name for the love of God. Its excellence does not consist in the multitude of our words; for our Father knoweth what things we have need of before we ask Him. The true prayer is that of the heart, and the heart prays only for what it desires. To pray, then, is to desire — but to desire what God would have us desire.<br>He who desires not from the bottom of his heart, offers a deceitful prayer. ** [[François Fénelon]], ''Pious Thoughts'', ''Advice Concerning Prayer''. Mrs. Mant's translation. * Ejaculations are short prayers darted up to God on emergent occasions. They are the artillery of devotion, and their principal use is against the fiery darts of the [[devil]]. ** [[Thomas Fuller]], ''Good Thoughts in Bad Times'', ''Meditations on all Kinds of Prayers'', Ejaculations, their Use, V. * So a good prayer, though often used, is still fresh and fair in the ears and eyes of Heaven. ** [[Thomas Fuller]], ''Good Thoughts in Bad Times'', ''Meditations on all Kinds of Prayers'', XII. * O Lord of [[Courage]] grave,<br> O Master of this night of Spring!<br>Make firm in me a heart too brave<br> To ask Thee anything. ** [[John Galsworthy]]. * Who goes to bed, and doth not pray,<br>Maketh two nights to every day! ** [[George Herbert]], ''The Temple'' (1633), ''The Church'', ''Charms and Knots'', Stanza 4. * Resort to [[Sermon|sermons]], but to prayers most:<br>Praying's the end of preaching. ** [[George Herbert]], ''The Temple'' (1633), ''The Church Porch'', Stanza 69. * O God, if in the day of [[battle]] I forget Thee, do not Thou forget me. ** William King attributes the prayer to a soldier, in his ''Anecdotes of his own time'', p. 7. (Ed. 1818). * My brother kneels, so saith Kabir,<br>To stone and brass in heathen-wise,<br>But in my brother's voice I hear<br>My own unanswered agonies.<br>His God is as his fates assign<br>His prayer is all the world's—and mine. ** [[Rudyard Kipling]], ''Song of Kabir''. * I ask and wish not to appear<br>More beauteous, rich or gay:<br>Lord, make me wiser every year,<br> And better every day. ** [[Charles Lamb]], ''A Birthday Thought''. * You know I say<br>Just what I think, and nothing more nor less,<br>And, when I pray, my heart is in my prayer.<br>I cannot say one thing and mean another:<br>If I can't pray, I will not make believe! ** [[Henry Wadsworth Longfellow]], ''Christus'', Part III, ''Giles Corey'', Act II, scene 3. * Let one unceasing, earnest prayer<br>Be, too, for light, for [[strength]] to bear<br>Our portion of the [[Responsibility|weight of care]],<br>That crushes into dumb [[despair]]<br> One half the [[humanity|human race]]. ** [[Henry Wadsworth Longfellow]], ''Goblet of Life'', Stanza 10. * Like one in prayer I stood. ** [[Henry Wadsworth Longfellow]], ''Voices of the Night'', prelude, Stanza 11. * ''Vigilate et orate.'' ** Watch and pray. ** Mark, XIII. 33. (From the Vulgate). * ''O Domine Deus! speravi in te;<br>O care mi Jesu! nunc libera me.<br>In dura catena, in misera poena,<br>Disidero te.<br>Languendo, jemendo, et genuflectendo,<br>Adoro, imploro, ut liberes me!'' ** O Lord, my God,<br> I have trusted in Thee;<br> O Jesu, my dearest One,<br> Now set me free.<br> In prison's oppression,<br> In sorrow's obsession,<br> I weary for Thee.<br> With sighing and crying,<br> Bowed down in dying,<br> I adore Thee, I implore Thee, set me free. ** [[Mary, Queen of Scots]]; written in her ''Book of Devotion'' before her execution. Translation by [[Swinburne]], ''Mary Stuart''. * God warms his hands at man's heart when he prays. ** [[John Masefield]], ''Widow in the Bye Street'', Part VI. * Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. ** Matthew, VII. 7. * Every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth. ** Matthew, VII. 8. * Not what we wish, but what we want,<br> Oh! let thy grace supply,<br>The good unask'd, in [[mercy]] grant;<br> The ill, though ask'd, deny. ** [[James Merrick]], ''Hymn''. * Prayer is the soul's sincere desire,<br> Uttered or unexpressed,<br>The motion of a hidden fire<br> That trembles in the breast. ** [[James Montgomery]], ''Original Hymns'', ''What is Prayer?'' * Prayer moves the arm<br>Which moves the [[world]],<br>And brings [[salvation]] down. ** [[James Montgomery]], ''Prayer''. * As down in the sunless retreats of the ocean<br> Sweet [[flowers]] are springing no mortal can see,<br>So deep in my soul the still prayer of devotion<br> Unheard by the world, rises silent to Thee. ** [[Thomas Moore]], ''As Down in the Sunless Retreats''. * O sad estate<br>Of human wretchedness; so weak is man,<br>So [[Ignorance|ignorant]] and [[Blindness|blind]], that did not God<br>Sometimes withhold in [[mercy]] what we ask,<br>We should be ruined at our own request. ** [[Hannah More]], ''Moses in the Bulrushes'', Part I. * Now I lay me down to take my sleep,<br>I pray thee, Lord, my soul to keep;<br>If I should die before I wake,<br>I pray thee, Lord, my soul to take. ** ''New England Primer'' (1814). * Father of All! in every age,<br> In every clime ador'd,<br>By saint, by savage, and by sage,<br> Jehovah, Jove, or Lord! ** [[Alexander Pope]], ''Universal Prayer''. * If I am right, Thy [[grace]] impart,<br> Still in the right to stay;<br>If I am wrong, O teach my heart<br> To find that better way! ** [[Alexander Pope]], ''Universal Prayer''. * In all thou dost first let thy Prayers ascend,<br>And to the Gods thy Labours first commend,<br>From them implore Success, and [[hope]] a prosperous End. ** [[Pythagoras]], ''Golden Verses'', line 49. See M. Dacier's ''Life of Pythagoras''. * They were ordinary [[soldiers]], just the common Jean and Hans,<br>One from the valley of the Rhine and one from fair Provence.<br>They were simple-hearted fellows — every night each said his prayer:<br>The one prayed Vater Unser and the other Notre Père. ** Charles Alex Richmond, ''Lord's Prayer''. * At the muezzin's call for prayer,<br>The kneeling [[faithful]] thronged the square,<br>And on Pushkara's lofty height<br>The dark priest chanted Brahma's might.<br>Amid a monastery's weeds<br>An old Franciscan told his beads;<br>While to the synagogue there came<br>A Jew to praise Jehovah's name.<br>The one great God looked down and smiled<br>And counted each His loving child;<br>For Turk and Brahmin, monk and Jew<br>Had reached Him through the gods they knew. **Harry Romaine, ''Ad Cœlum'', in ''Munsey's Magazine'' (January 1895). * I pray the prayer the Easterners do,<br>May the [[peace]] of [[Allah]] abide with you;<br>Wherever you stay, wherever you go,<br>May the beautiful palms of Allah grow;<br>Through days of labor, and nights of rest,<br>The love of Good Allah make you blest;<br>So I touch my heart—as the Easterners do,<br>May the peace of Allah abide with you. ** ''Salaam Alaikum'' (peace be with you). Author unknown. * ''In vota miseros ultimus cogit timor.'' ** Fear of death drives the wretched to prayer. ** [[Seneca the Younger]], ''Agamemnon'', 560. * ''Nulla res carius constat quam quæ precibus empta est.'' ** Nothing costs so much as what is bought by prayers. ** [[Seneca the Younger]], ''De Beneficiis'', II. 1. * The first petition that we are to make to Almighty [[God]] is for a good conscience, the next for health of mind, and then of body. ** [[Seneca the Younger]], ''Epistles'', XIV. * [[Earth]] bears no balsams for mistakes;<br> Men crown the knave, and scourge the tool<br>That did his will: but thou, O Lord,<br> Be merciful to me, a fool. ** Edward Rowland Sill, ''The Fool's Prayer''. * Four things which are not in thy treasury,<br>I lay before thee, Lord, with this petition:—<br> My nothingness, my wants,<br> My sins, and my contrition. ** [[Robert Southey]], Occasional Pieces, XIX. Imitated from the Persian. * Prayers are heard in [[heaven]] very much in proportion to our faith. Little [[faith]] will get very great mercies, but great faith still greater. ** [[Charles Spurgeon]], ''Gleanings Among the Sheaves'', ''Believing Prayer''. * To pray together, in whatever tongue or ritual, is the most tender brotherhood of hope and sympathy that men can contract in this life. ** [[Anne Louise Germaine de Staël]], ''Corinne'' (1807), Book X, Chapter V. * Holy Father, in thy mercy,<br> Hear our anxious prayer.<br>Keep our loved ones, now far absent, <br> 'Neath Thy care. ** Isabella S. Stephenson, hymn, sung universally among the British troops in the Great War. * Lord, thy most pointed pleasure take,<br>And stab my spirit broad awake;<br>Or, Lord, if too obdurate I,<br>Choose Thou, before that spirit die,<br>A piercing pain, a killing sin,<br>And to my dead heart turn them in. ** [[Robert Louis Stevenson]], ''Celestial Surgeon''. * My debts are large, my failures great, my shame secret and heavy; yet when I come to ask for my good, I quake in fear lest my prayer be granted. ** [[Rabindranath Tagore]], ''Gitanjali'', 28. * Speak to Him thou for He hears, and [[spirit]] with spirit can meet—<br>Closer is He than breathing, and nearer than hands and feet. ** [[Alfred Tennyson]], ''Higher Pantheism''. * More things are wrought by prayer<br>Than this world dreams of. Wherefore, let thy voice<br>Rise like a fountain for me night and day.<br>For what are men better than sheep or goats<br>That nourish a blind life within the brain,<br>If, knowing God, they lift not hands of prayer<br>Both for themselves and those who call them friend? ** [[Alfred Tennyson]], ''Morte d'Arthur'' (1842), line 247. [[File:Student pays respect to the Buddha.jpg|thumb|Battering the gates of heaven with storms of prayer. ~ [[Alfred Tennyson]]]] * Battering the gates of heaven with storms of prayer. ** [[Alfred Tennyson]], ''St. Simeon Stylites'', line 7. *"'Twas then belike," Honorious cried,<br>"When you the public fast defied,<br>Refused to heav'n to raise a prayer,<br>Because you'd no connections there." ** [[John Trumbull]], ''McFingal'', Canto I, line 541. * Prayer is<br>The world in tune,<br>A spirit-voyce,<br>And vocall joyes,<br>Whose Eccho is heaven's blisse. ** [[Henry Vaughan]], ''The Morning Watch''. * ''Desine fata deum flecti sperare precando.'' ** Cease to [[think]] that the decrees of the [[gods]] can be [[Change|changed]] by prayers. ** [[Virgil]], ''[[w:Aeneid|Æneid]]'' (29-19 BC), VI. 376. * ''Audiit, et voti Phœbus succedere partem<br>Mente didit, partem volucres dispersit in auras.'' ** Ae half the prayer wi' Phœbus grace did find<br> The t'other half he whistled down the wind. ** [[Virgil]], ''[[w:Aeneid|Æneid]]'' (29-19 BC), XI. 794. Translation by Scott—Waverley, Chapter XLIII. Same idea in [[Homer]], ''Iliad'', XVI, 250. * ''J'ai toujours fait une prière à Dieu, qui est fort courte. La voici: Mon Dieu, rendez nos ennemis bien ridicules! Dieu m'a exaucé.'' ** I always made one prayer to God, a very short one. Here it is: "O Lord, make our enemies quite ridiculous!" God granted it. *** [[Voltaire]], Letter to Étienne Noël Damilaville, {{#formatdate:1767-05-16}} * Prayer moves the Hand which moves the world. ** John Aikman Wallace, ''There is an Eye that Never Sleeps'', line 19. * Who is this before whose presence idols tumble to the sod?<br>While he cries out—"Allah Akbar! and there is no god but God!" ** [[William Ross Wallace]], ''El Amin'', ''The Faithful''. * Making their lives a prayer. ** [[John Greenleaf Whittier]], ''To A. K. on Receiving a Basket of Sea Mosses''. * Though smooth be the heartless prayer, no ear in heaven will mind it;<br>And the finest phrase falls dead, if there is no feeling behind it. ** [[Ella Wheeler Wilcox]], ''Art and Heart'', Stanza 2. * The imperfect offices of prayer and praise. ** [[William Wordsworth]], ''Excursion'', Book I. *"What is good for a bootless bene?"<br> With these dark words begins my Tale;<br>And their meaning is, whence can comfort spring<br> When Prayer is of no avail? ** [[William Wordsworth]], ''Force of Prayer''. * The bells of Ryleston seemed to say,<br> While she sat listening in the shade,<br> With vocal music, "God us ayde!"<br>And all the hills were glad to bear<br>Their part in this effectual prayer. ** [[William Wordsworth]], ''White Doe of Rylstone'', Canto VII, Stanza 11. * Doubt not but God who sits on high,<br> Thy secret prayers can hear;<br>When a dead wall thus cunningly<br> Conveys soft whispers to the ear. ** Verse inscribed in the Whispering Gallery of Gloucester Cathedral. ==''Dictionary of Burning Words of Brilliant Writers'' (1895)== :<small>Quotes reported in Josiah Hotchkiss Gilbert, ''Dictionary of Burning Words of Brilliant Writers'' (1895).</small> * A certain joyful, though humble, confidence becomes us when we pray in the Mediator's name. It is due to Him; when we pray in His name it should be without wavering. Remember His merits, and how prevalent they must be. " Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace." ** [[Nehemiah Adams]], p. 460. * The reason why we obtain no more in prayer, is because we expect no more. God usually answers us according to our own hearts. ** [[Richard Alleine]], p. 462. * Let your prayers be composed of thanksgiving, praise, confession, and petition, without any argument or exhortation addressed to those who are supposed to be praying with you. Adopt no fixed forms of expression, except such as you obtain from Scripture. Express your desire in the briefest, simplest form, without circumlocution. Hallow God's name by avoiding its unnecessary repetition. Adopt the simple devotional phrases of Scripture; but avoid the free use of its figures, and all quaint and doubtful application of its terms to foreign subjects. Pray to God and not to man. ** [[Joseph Addison Alexander]], p. 472. * Like an echo from a ruined castle, prayer is an echo from the ruined human soul of the sweet promise of God. ** [[William Arnot]], p. 464. * In the primitive church were not prayers simple, unpremeditated, united; prayers of the well-taught apostle; prayers of the accomplished scholar; prayers of the rough but fervent peasant; prayers of the new and zealous convert; prayers which importuned and wrestled with an instant and irrepressible urgency; — were they not an essential part of that religion, which holy fire had kindled; and which daily supplications alone could fan? ** [[William Arthur (minister)|William Arthur]], p. 473. * How can He grant you what you do not desire to receive? ** [[Augustine of Hippo]], p. 462. * He that loveth little prayeth little; he that loveth much prayeth much. ** [[Augustine of Hippo]], p. 464. * Any heart turned Godward feels more joy<br>In one short hour of prayer, than e'er was raised<br>By all the feasts of earth since its foundation. ** [[Philip James Bailey]], p. 459. * A good man's prayers<br>Will from the deepest dungeon climb to heaven's height,<br>And bring a [[blessing]] down. ** [[Joanna Bailie]], p. 459. * Every praying Christian will find that there is no Gethsemane without its angel. ** [[Thomas Binney]], p. 469. * A prayer in its simplest definition is merely a wish turned Godward. ** [[Phillips Brooks]], p. 457. * Prayer is not conquering God's reluctance, but taking hold upon God's willingness. ** [[Phillips Brooks]], p. 458. * The best and sweetest flowers of paradise God gives to His people when they are upon their knees. Prayer is the gate of heaven. ** [[Thomas Brooks]], p. 458. * Cold prayers shall never have any warm answers. God will suit His returns to our requests. Lifeless services shall have lifeless answers. When men are dull, God will be dumb. ** [[Thomas Brooks]], p. 462. * "Continuing instant in prayer." The Greek is a metaphor taken from hunting dogs that never give over the game till they have got their prey. ** [[Thomas Brooks]], p. 464. * Private prayer is so far from being a hindrance to a man's business, that it is the way of ways to bring down a blessing from heaven upon it. ** [[Thomas Brooks]], p. 471. * If any prayer be a duty, then secret prayer must be superlatively so, for it prepares and fits the soul for all other supplication. ** [[Thomas Brooks]], p. 471. * God's hearing of our prayers does not depend upon sanctifi- cation, but upon Christ's intercession; not upon what we are in ourselves, but what we are in the Lord Jesus; both our persons and our prayers are accepted in the Beloved. ** [[Thomas Brooks]], p. 473. * Unanswered yet? Faith cannot be unanswered.<br>Her feet were firmly planted on the Rock;<br>Amid the wildest storms she stands undaunted,<br>Nor quails before the loudest thunder shock.<br>She knows Omnipotence has heard her prayer,<br>And cries, "It shall be done," sometime, somewhere.<br>Unanswered yet? Nay, do not say ungranted;<br>Perhaps your part is not yet wholly done.<br>The work began when first your prayer was uttered,<br>And God will finish what He has begun.<br>If you will keep the incense burning there,<br>His glory you shall see sometime, somewhere. ** [[Robert Browning]], p. 474. * Prayer will make a man cease from sin, or sin will entice a man to cease from prayer. ** [[John Bunyan]], p. 468. * When Christ went up into a mountain apart to pray, He dismissed the multitude, to teach us that when we address ourselves to God, we must first dismiss the multitude. We must send away the multitude of worldly cares, worldly thoughts, worldly concerns and business, when we would call upon God in duty. ** [[William Burkitt]], p. 465. * Let faith each meek petition fill,<br>And waft it to the skies;<br>And teach our heart 'tis goodness still<br>That grants it or denies. ** [[Joseph Dacre Carlyle]], p. 460. * Let family worship be short, savory, simple, plain, tender, heavenly. ** [[Richard Cecil]], p. 471. * Consider how august a privilege it is, when angels are present, and archangels throng around, when cherubim and seraphim encircle with their blaze the throne, that a mortal may approach with unrestrained confidence, and converse with heaven's dread Sovereign! O, what honor was ever conferred like this? ** [[Chrysostom]], p. 459. * Be not afraid to pray — to pray is right.<br>Pray if thou canst with hope; but ever pray,<br>Though hope be weak or sick with long delay;<br>Pray in the darkness, if there be no light. ** [[Hartley Coleridge]], p. 461. * He prayeth best who loveth best<br>All things both great and small:<br>For the dear God who loveth us,<br>He made and loveth all, ** [[Samuel Taylor Coleridge]], p. 463. * True prayer is an earnest soul's direct converse with its God. ** [[Theodore L. Cuyler]], p. 456. * Wise is that Christian parent who begins every morning with the word of God and fervent prayer. ** [[Theodore L. Cuyler]], p. 471. * Answered prayers cover the field of providential history as flowers cover western prairies. ** [[Theodore L. Cuyler]], p. 474. * In eternity it will be a terrible thing for many a man to meet his own prayers. Their very language will condemn him; for he knew his duty, but he did it not. ** [[Theodore L. Cuyler]], p. 475. * When we pray to God with entire assurance, it is Himself who has given us the spirit of prayer. ** [[St. Cyprian]], p. 460. * Are we to suppose that the only being in the universe who cannot answer prayer is that One who alone has all power at His command? The weak theology that professes to believe that prayer has merely a subjective benefit is infinitely less scientific than the action of the child who confidently appeals to a Father in heaven. ** [[John William Dawson]], p. 461. * Saviour, breathe an evening [[blessing]]<br>Ere repose our spirits seal;<br>Sin and want we come confessing;<br>Thou canst save, and Thou canst heal. ** [[James Edmeston]], p. 475. * Lord! Thou art with Thy people still; they see Thee in the night-watches, and their hearts burn within them as Thou talkest with them by the way. And Thou art near to those that have not known Thee; open their eyes that they may see Thee — see Thee weeping over them, and saying, "Ye will not come unto me that ye might have life"— see Thee hanging on the cross and saying, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do"—see Thee as Thou wilt come again in Thy glory to judge them at the last. Amen. ** [[George Eliot]], p. 464. * Prayer, then, does not consist in sweet feelings, nor in the charms of an excited imagination, nor in that illumination of the intellect that traces with ease the sublimest truths of God; nor even in a certain consolation in the view of God; all these things are external gifts from His hand, in the absence of which love may exist even more purely, as the soul may then attach itself immediately and solely to God, instead of to His mercies. ** [[François Fénelon]], p. 458. * For "we know not what we should pray for as we ought; " but love leads us on, abandons us to all the operations of grace, puts us entirely at the disposal of God's will, and thus prepares us for all His designs. ** [[François Fénelon]], p. 465. * Prayer is so necessary, and the source of so many blessings, that he who has discovered the treasure cannot be prevented from having recourse to it, whenever he has an opportunity. ** [[François Fénelon]], p. 466. * Ah! well it is for us that God is a loving Father, who takes our very prayers and thanksgivings rather for what we mean than for what they are; just as parents smile on the trailing weeds that their ignorant little ones bring them for flowers. ** [[Edward Garrett]], p. 462. * Good prayers never come creeping home. I am sure I shall receive what I ask for or what I should ask. ** Bishop [[Joseph Hall]], p. 461. * Your child is falling from a window. By the action of a natural law he will be killed. But he cries out for help, "Father! father!" Hearing his call, in this his day of trouble, you rush forth and catch him in your arms. Your child is saved. Natural law would have killed him, but you interposed, and, without a miracle, saved him. And cannot the great Father of all do what an earthly parent does? ** [[Newman Hall]], p. 473. * Prayer is the breath of a new-born soul, and there can be no Christian life without it. ** [[Rowland Hill (preacher)|Rowland Hill]], p. 457. * I like ejaculatory prayer; it reaches heaven before the devil can get a shot at it. ** [[Rowland Hill (preacher)|Rowland Hill]], p. 470. * There it is — in such patient silence — that we accumulate the inward power which we distribute and spend in action; that the soul acquires a greater and more vigorous being, and gathers up its collective forces to bear down upon the piecemeal difficulties of life and scatter them to dust; there alone can we enter into that spirit of self-abandonment by which we take up the cross of duty, however heavy, with feet however worn and bleeding. ** [[Wayland Hoyt]], p. 470. * If I were an impenitent child of godly parents, and should die so, I would rather go into eternity facing a legion of devils than my mother's prayers. ** [[Herrick Johnson]], p. 475. * He who has a pure heart will never cease to pray; and he who will be constant in prayer, shall know what it is to have a pure heart. ** [[Pierre La Combe]], p. 464. * Worship is the earthly act by which we most distinctly recognize our personal immortality; men who think that they will be extinct a few years hence do not pray. In worship we spread out our insignificant life, which yet is the work of the Creator's hands, and the purchase of the Redeemer's blood, before the Eternal and All-Merciful, that we may learn the manners of a higher sphere, and fit ourselves for companionship with saints and angels, and for the everlasting sight of the face of God. ** [[Henry Liddon]], p. 457. * Prayer is the act by which man, detaching himself from the embarrassments of sense and nature, ascends to the true level of his destiny. ** [[Henry Liddon]], p. 458. * I have been driven many times to my knees, by the overwhelming conviction that I had nowhere else to go. My own wisdom, and that of all about me seemed insufficient for that day. ** [[Abraham Lincoln]], p. 468. * The church converteth the whole world by blood and prayer. ** [[Martin Luther]], p. 468. * Ah, what is it we send up thither, where our thoughts are either a dissonance or a sweetness and a grace? ** [[George MacDonald]], p. 461. * O Lord, we rejoice that we are Thy making, though Thy handiwork is not very clear in our outer man as yet. We bless Thee that we feel Thy hand making us. What if it be in pain? Evermore we hear the voice of the potter above the hum and grind of His wheel. Father, Thou only knowest how we love Thee. Fashion the clay to Thy beautiful will. ** [[George MacDonald]], p. 464. * If you are in the spirit of prayer, do not be long, because other people will not be able to keep pace with you in such unusual spirituality, and if you are not in the spirit of prayer, do not be long, because you will be sure to weary the listeners. ** [[John Macdonald]], p. 472. * The prayer that begins with trustfulness, and passes on into waiting, even while in sorrow and sore need, will always end in thankfulness and triumph and praise. ** [[Alexander Maclaren]], p. 461. * There is no such thing in the long history of God's kingdom as an unanswered prayer. Every true desire from a child's heart finds some true answer in the heart of God. ** [[Norman MacLeod]], p. 473. * Whatever we are directed to pray for, we are also exhorted to work for; we are not permitted to mock Jehovah, asking that of Him which we deem not worth our pains to acquire. ** [[Elias Lyman Magoon]], p. 469. * Religion is no more possible without prayer than poetry without language, or music without atmosphere. ** [[James Martineau]], p. 466. * A house without family worship has neither foundation nor covering. ** [[John Mitchell Mason]], p. 471. * Trouble and perplexity drive me to prayer, and prayer drives away perplexity and trouble. ** [[Philip Melanchthon]], p. 466. * Prayer is so mighty an instrument that no one ever thoroughly mastered all its keys. They sweep along the infinite scale of man's wants and God's goodness. ** [[Hugh Miller]], p. 458. * O Thou by whom we come to God —<br>The Life, the Truth, the Way;<br>The path of prayer Thyself hast trod;<br>Lord, teach us how to pray. ** [[James Montgomery]], p. 460. * Prayer is not eloquence, but earnestness; not the definition of helplessness, but the feeling of it; not figures of speech, but compunction of soul. ** [[Hannah More]], p. 458. * There is no burden of the spirit but is lightened by kneeling under it. Little by little, the bitterest feelings are sweetened by the mention of them in prayer. And agony itself stops swelling, if we can only cry sincerely, " My God, my God!" ** [[William Mountford]], p. 466. * Not every hour, nor every day, perhaps, can generous wishes ripen into kind actions; but there is not a moment that cannot be freighted with prayer. ** [[William Mountford]], p. 470. * Then let us earnest be,<br>And never faint in prayer;<br>He loves our importunity,<br>And makes our cause His care. ** [[John Newton]], p. 462. * In presenting the Divine promises at the throne of grace, we present the best of names at a bank that is solvent. Let us, when we would pray, consider well whether we have a promise for our plea. ** [[Robert M. Offord]], p. 460. * Expect an answer. If no answer is desired, why pray? True prayer has in it a strong element of expectancy. ** [[Robert M. Offord]], p. 462. * Ask in simplicity. True need forgets to be formal. Its utterances fly from the heart as sparks from a blacksmith's anvil. Set phrases, long sentences, polysyllabic words, find little favor with the soul that is athirst for God and His grace. How brief are the sentences of the immortal and immutable prayer, which Christ taught His disciples! Not a long word is there. Temptation is the longest, and the majority of the words are of one syllable. Do you essay to lead others in prayer? Utter no word that any that hear you cannot understand. Express their need as well as your own. Do not go to the mercy-seat on stilts. ** [[Robert M. Offord]], p. 471. * Prayer, with our Lord, was a refuge from the storm; almost every word He uttered during that last tremendous scene was prayer; prayer the most earnest, the most urgent, repeated, continued, proceeding from the recesses of the soul, private, solitary; prayer for deliverance, prayer for strength; above every thing prayer for resignation. ** [[William Paley]], p. 467. * As in poetry, so in prayer, the whole subject matter should be furnished by the heart, and the understanding should be allowed only to shape and arrange the effusions of the heart in the manner best adapted to answer the end designed. From the fullness of a heart overflowing with holy affections, as from a copious fountain, we should pour forth a torrent of pious, humble, and ardently affectionate feelings; while our understandings only shape the channel and teach the gushing streams of devotion where to flow, and when to stop. ** [[Edward Payson]], p. 464. * I think that if we would, every evening, come to our Master's feet, and tell Him where we have been, what we have done, what we have said, and what were the motives by which we have been actuated, it would have a salutary effect upon our whole conduct. ** [[Edward Payson]], p. 466. * Our public prayers too often consist almost entirely of passages of Scripture—not always judiciously chosen or well arranged — and common-place phrases, which have been transmitted down for ages, from one generation to another, selected and put together just as we would compose a sermon or essay, while the heart is allowed no share in the performance; so that we may more properly be said to make a prayer than to pray. ** [[Edward Payson]], p. 472. * We lay it down as an elemental principle of religion, that no large growth in holiness was ever gained by one who did not take time to be often and long alone with God. No otherwise can the great central idea of God enter into a man's life, and dwell there supreme. ** [[Austin Phelps]], p. 459. * Have you never observed how free the Lord's Prayer is of any material that can tempt to subtle self-inspection in the art of devotion? It is full of an outflowing of thought and of emotion toward great objects of desire, great necessities, and great perils. ** [[Austin Phelps]], p. 465. * [[Patience]] and perseverance are never more thoroughly Christian graces than when features of prayer. ** [[Samuel I. Prime]], p. 461. * Happy are they who freely mingle prayer and toil till God responds to the one and rewards the other. ** [[Samuel I. Prime]], p. 468. * A life of prayer is a life whose litanies are ever fresh acts of self-devoting love. ** [[Frederick William Robertson]], p. 457. * The Divine Wisdom has given us prayer, not as a means whereby to obtain the good things of earth, but as a means whereby we learn to do without them; not as a means whereby we escape evil, but as a means whereby we become strong to meet it. ** [[Frederick William Robertson]], p. 468. * Faithful prayer always implies correlative exertion; and no man can ask honestly and hopefully to be delivered from temptation, unless he has himself honestly and firmly determined to do the best he can to keep out of it. ** [[John Ruskin]], p. 469. * Are we silent to Jesus? Think! Have you nothing to ask Him? Nothing to thank Him for? Nothing to praise Him for? Nothing to confess? Oh, poor soul, go back to Bethlehem — to Gethsemane, to Calvary, and remember at what a cost the vail before the Holies was rent in twain that thou mightest enter it. ** [[Anna Shipton]], p. 474. * Prayer pulls the rope below, and the great bell rings above in the ears of God. Some scarcely stir the bell, for they pray so languidly; others give but an occasional pluck at the rope; but he who wins with heaven is the man who grasps the rope boldly and pulls continuously, with all his might. ** [[Charles Spurgeon]], p. 460. * Sometimes a fog will settle over a vessel's deck and yet leave the topmast clear. Then a sailor goes up aloft and gets a lookout which the helmsman on deck cannot get. So prayer sends the soul aloft; lifts it above the clouds in which our selfishness and egotism befog us, and gives us a chance to see which way to steer. ** [[Charles Spurgeon]], p. 469. * For spiritual [[blessings]], let our prayers be importunate, perpetual, and persevering; for temporal blessings, let them be general, short, conditional, and modest. ** [[Jeremy Taylor]], p. 461. * Easiness of desire is a great enemy to the success of a good man's prayer. Our prayers upbraid our spirits when we beg tamely for those things for which we ought to die; which are more precious than imperial sceptres, richer than the spoils of the sea or the treasures of Indian hills. ** [[Jeremy Taylor]], p. 462. * There is something in every act of prayer that for a time stills the violence of passion, and elevates and purifies the affections. ** [[Jeremy Taylor]], p. 465. * From the violence and rule of passion, from a servile will, and a commanding lust, from pride and vanity, from false opinion and ignorant confidence; from improvidence and prodigality, from envy and the spirit of slander; from sensuality, from presumption and from despair; from a state of temptation and a hardened spirit; from delaying of repentance and persevering in sin; from unthankfulness and irreligion, and from seducing others; from all infatuation of soul, folly, and madness; from willfulness, self-love, and vain ambition; from a vicious life and an unprovided death, good Lord, deliver us. ** [[Jeremy Taylor]], p. 468. * When we pray for any virtue, we should cultivate the virtue as well as pray for it; the form of your prayers should be the rule of your life; every petition to God is a precept to man. ** [[Jeremy Taylor]], p. 469. * Prayers born out of murmuring are always dangerous. When, therefore, we are in a discontented mood, let'us take care what we cry for, lest God give it to us, and thereby punish us. ** [[William Mackergo Taylor]], p. 465. * They tell us of the fixed laws of nature! but who dares maintain that He who fixed these laws cannot use them for the purpose of answering His people's prayers? ** [[William Mackergo Taylor]], p. 473. * We kneel, how weak; we rise, how full of power!<br>Why, therefore, should we do ourselves this wrong,<br>Or others — that we are not always strong,<br>That we are ever overborne with care,<br>That we should ever weak or heartless be,<br>Anxious or troubled, when with us is prayer,<br>And joy and strength and courage are with Thee? ** [[Richard Chenevix Trench]], p. 467. * Prayer moves the hand which moves the world. ** [[John Aikman Wallace]], p. 459. * Prayer is the pulse of the renewed soul; and the constancy of its beat is the test and measure of the spiritual life. ** [[Octavius Winslow]], p. 458. ==''Respectfully Quoted: A Dictionary of Quotations'' (1989)== * I Pray Heaven to Bestow The Best of Blessing on THIS HOUSE, and on All that shall hereafter Inhabit it. May none but Honest and Wise Men ever rule under This Roof! ** [[John Adams]], letter to his wife Abigail, November 2, 1800, the day after he moved into the White House. ''Letters of John Adams Addressed to His Wife'', ed. Charles Francis Adams, p. 267 (1841). President Franklin D. Roosevelt had this lettered in gold in the marble over the fireplace in the State Dining Room of the White House. The quotation above follows the capitalization used in the inscription. * Grant us a common faith that man shall know bread and peace—that he shall know justice and righteousness, freedom and security, an equal opportunity and an equal chance to do his best not only in our own lands, but throughout the world. And in that faith let us march toward the clean world our hands can make. ** [[Stephen Vincent Benét]], Prayer, concluding sentences (1942). Archibald MacLeish, poet and Librarian of Congress, asked Benét to write "The United Nations Prayer" to be used in the celebration of Flag Day, 1942. President Franklin D. Roosevelt used it to close his radio address on Flag Day, June 14, 1942. Adlai E. Stevenson used this final section of the prayer on his Christmas cards in 1964. * For Mercy has a human heart<br>Pity, a human face:<br>And Love, the human form divine,<br>And Peace, the human dress.<br>Then every man of every clime,<br>That prays in his distress,<br>Prays to the human form divine<br>Love Mercy Pity Peace. ** [[William Blake]], "The Divine Image", stanzas 3 and 4, lines 9–16, ''The Complete Poetry and Prose of William Blake'', ed. David V. Erdman (1982), p. 12–13. First published in 1789. * "God bless us every one!" said Tiny Tim, the last of all. ** [[Charles Dickens]], ''A Christmas Carol'' (1963), stave 3, p. 74. First published in 1843. * Lord, make me a channel of your peace.<br>Where there is hatred, let me bring love.<br>Where there is offense, forgiveness.<br>Where there is discord, reconciliation.<br>Where there is doubt, faith.<br>Where there is despair, hope.<br>Where there is sadness, joy.<br>Where there is darkness, your light.<br> we give, we are made rich.<br>If we forget ourselves, we find peace.<br>If we forgive, we receive forgiveness.<br> we die, we receive eternal resurrection.<br>Give us peace, Lord. **[[Serenity Prayer]] Attributed to [[Francis of Assisi]], in Auspicius van Corstanje, ''Francis: Bible of the Poor'' (1977), p. 203. "This prayer cannot be found in any of the early texts written by Francis. In its present form, it is probably not even a hundred years old. All the same, it clearly reflects the spirit of Francis. He could have written it, and that is why it is generally attributed to him" (p. 203). A slightly different version ("Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace") can be found in Masterpieces of Religious Verse, ed. James Dalton Morrison, p. 130 (1948). * There is nothing I can give you which you have not got; but there is much, very much, that, while I cannot give it, you can take. No Heaven can come to us unless our hearts find rest in it to-day. Take Heaven! No peace lies in the future which is not hidden in this present little instant. Take peace!<br><br>The gloom of the world is but a shadow. Behind it, yet within our reach, is joy. There is radiance and glory in the darkness, could we but see; and to see, we have only to look. Contessina I beseech you to look.<br><br>Life is so generous a giver, but we, judging its gifts by their covering, cast them away as ugly or heavy or hard. Remove the covering, and you will find beneath it a living splendour, woven of love, by wisdom, with power. Welcome it, grasp it, and you touch the Angel's hand that brings it to you. Everything we call a trial, a sorrow, or a duty: believe me, that angel's hand is there; the gift is there, and the wonder of an overshadowing Presence. Our joys, too: be not content with them as joys, they too conceal diviner gifts.<br><br>Life is so full of meaning and of purpose, so full of beauty—beneath its covering—that you will find that earth but cloaks your heaven. Courage, then to claim it: that is all! But courage you have; and the knowledge that we are pilgrims together, wending through unknown country, home.<br><br>And so, at this Christmas time, I greet you; not quite as the world sends greetings, but with profound esteem, and with the prayer that for you, now and forever, the day breaks and the shadows flee away. ** "Fra Giovanni", A Letter to the Most Illustrious the Contessina Allagia Dela Aldobrandeschi, Written Christmas Eve Anno Domini 1513 (193?) The British Museum stated in 1970 that it had "proved impossible" to identify Fra Giovanni, the purported author of this letter. This was published, probably in the 1930s, "with Christmas Greetings" from Greville MacDonald, son of novelist George MacDonald, and Mary MacDonald. * Almighty God, who hast given us this good land for our heritage; We humbly beseech Thee that we may always prove ourselves a people mindful of Thy favor and glad to do Thy will. Bless our land with honourable industry, sound learning, and pure manners. Save us from violence, discord, and confusion; from pride and arrogancy, and from every evil way. Defend our liberties, and fashion into one united people the multitudes brought hither out of many kindreds and tongues. Endure with the spirit of wisdom those to whom in Thy Name we entrust the authority of government, that there may be justice and peace at home, and that, through obedience to Thy law, we may show forth Thy praise among the nations of the earth. In the time of prosperity, fill our hearts with thankfulness, and in the day of trouble, suffer not our trust in Thee to fail; Amen. ** [[George L. Locke]], prayer, c. 1880. President Franklin D. Roosevelt included it as "an old prayer" without attribution, in his final radio speech of the 1940 presidential campaign, November 4, 1940. ''The Public Papers and Addresses of Franklin D. Roosevelt, 1940'', p. 557–58 (1941). Life magazine reproduced the prayer in its issue of November 18, 1940, and in a letter to the editor in the December 9 issue, p. 4, the Rev. Mr. Locke's daughter wrote about his authorship and the circumstances of his composing the prayer. * Build me a son, O Lord, who will be strong enough to know when he is weak, and brave enough to face himself when he is afraid; one who will be proud and unbending in honest defeat, and humble and gentle in victory. Build me a son whose wishes will not take the place of deeds; a son who will know Thee—and that to know himself is the foundation stone of knowledge. Lead him, I pray, not in the path of ease and comfort, but under the stress and spur of difficulties and challenge. Here let him learn to stand up in the storm; here let him learn compassion for those who fail. Build me a son whose heart will be clear, whose goal will be high; a son who will master himself before he seeks to master other men; one who will reach into the future, yet never forget the past. And after all these things are his, add, I pray, enough of a sense of humor, so that he may always be serious, yet never take himself too seriously. Give him humility, so that he may always remember the simplicity of true greatness, the open mind of true wisdom, and the meekness of true strength. Then, I, his father, will dare to whisper, "I have not lived in vain". ** [[Douglas MacArthur]], "A Father's Prayer". Courtney Whitney, ''MacArthur, His Rendevous with History'' (1956), p. 547. Written "during the early days of the desperate campaigns in the Far East in World War II". [[File:Nakhthorheb praying-A 94-IMG 8369.JPG|thumb|Our earnest prayer is that God will graciously vouchsafe prosperity, happiness, and peace to all... the peoples and powers of earth.]] * Our earnest prayer is that God will graciously vouchsafe prosperity, happiness, and peace to all our neighbors, and like blessings to all the peoples and powers of earth. ** [[William McKinley]], speech delivered at the Pan-American Exposition, Buffalo, New York, September 5, 1901. Modern Eloquence, ed. Ashley H. Thorndike, rev. Adam Ward, vol. 11, p. 401 (1936). This was McKinley's last speech, as he was mortally wounded the next day at the Exposition. He served in Congress 1877–1884 and 1885–1891. * The things, good Lord, that I pray for, give me thy grace to labour for. Amen. ** [[Thomas More]], English Prayers and Treatise on the Holy Eucharist, ed. Philip E. Hallett, p. 20 (1938). His English works were published in 1557. * God give me the serenity to accept things which cannot be changed;<br>Give me courage to change things which must be changed;<br>And the wisdom to distinguish one from the other. ** Attributed to [[Reinhold Niebuhr]], The A.A. Grapevine, January 1950, p. 6–7; also June Bingham, Courage to Change, p. iii (1961), where the version differs somewhat: "O God, give us serenity to accept what cannot be changed, courage to change what should be changed, and wisdom to distinguish the one from the other". Alcoholics Anonymous has used this prayer, with minor changes in wording, since about 1940. According to the first source, Dr. Niebuhr said, "It may have been spooking around for years, even centuries, but I don't think so. I honestly do believe that I wrote it myself". The Anglican publishing house, Mobray of London, for more than a century has identified it as a General or Common Prayer of fourteenth-century England, according to a reader of American Notes and Queries, June 1970, p. 154. He added that "Reinhold Niebuhr has acknowledged, more than once, both in seminar and publicly that he was not the original author of the Serenity Prayer". In Ausblick von der Weibertreu by Christoph Duncker, p. 1 (1973), the following lines are attributed to a Johann Christoph Oetinger, deacon in Weinsberg from 1762 to 1769: "Gib mir Gelassenheit, Dinge hinzunehmen, die ich nicht ändern kann, Den Mut, Dinge zu ändern, die ich ändern kann, und die Weisheit, das eine vom andern zu untersheiden", which can be translated as above. Another reader of American Notes and Queries, October 1969, p. 25, gives a nearly identical quotation and states that it can be traced to Friedrich Christoph Oetinger (1702–1782), German theologian and theosophist, without giving a source. Whatever the original source or wording, Niebuhr and A.A. have made the prayer well-known in the United States. * Almighty and most merciful Father, we humbly beseech Thee, of Thy great goodness, to restrain these immoderate rains with which we have had to contend. Grant us fair weather for Battle. Graciously hearken to us as soldiers who call upon Thee that, armed with Thy power, we may advance from victory to victory, and crush the oppression and wickedness of our enemies, and establish Thy justice among men and nations. Amen. ** [[James H. O'Neill]], prayer for good weather, December 1944. Ladislas Farago, ''Patton, Ordeal and Triumph'' (1964), chapter 36, p. 690. General George S. Patton, Jr., ordered Colonel O'Neill, chaplain of the Third Army, to produce this prayer. * Stars above our cornfields,<br>Morning-colored wind,<br>Snow, and wood-fires burning<br>On hearths we leave behind.<br>(''Shine for us, dear beacons''.)<br>''God of the hidden purpose,<br>Let our embarking be<br>The prayer of proud men asking<br>Not to be safe, but free.'' ** [[Henry Morton Robinson]], "Litany for D-Day: 1944", stanzas 4 and 5, ''The Enchanted Grindstone and Other Poems'' (1952), p. 93. * Give us courage and gaiety and the quiet mind. Spare to us our friends, soften to us our enemies. Bless us, if it may be, in all our innocent endeavors. If it may not, give us the strength to encounter that which is to come, that we be brave in peril, constant in tribulation, temperate in wrath, and in all changes of fortune and down to the gates of death, loyal and loving one to another. ** [[Robert Louis Stevenson]], prayer "For Success", ''Vailima Papers and a Footnote to History'' (1925), p. 7. This was used by Adlai E. Stevenson on his Christmas card in 1962. * I now make it my earnest prayer, that God would have you, and the State over which you preside, in his holy protection, that he would incline the hearts of the Citizens to cultivate a spirit of subordination and obedience to Government, to entertain a brotherly affection and love for one another, for their fellow Citizens of the United States at large, and particularly for their brethren who have served in the Field, and finally, that he would most graciously be pleased to dispose us all, to do Justice, to love mercy, and to demean [i.e., comport] ourselves with that Charity, humility and pacific temper of mind, which were the Characteristicks of the Divine Author of our blessed Religion, and without an humble imitation of whose example in these things, we can never hope to be a happy Nation. ** [[George Washington]], circular to the states, Newburgh, New York, June 8, 1783. ''The Writings of George Washington'', ed. John C. Fitzpatrick (1938), vol. 26, p. 496. * I asked God for strength, that I might achieve<br>I was made weak, that I might learn humbly to obey …<br>I asked for health, that I might do greater things<br>I was given infirmity, that I might do better things …<br>I asked for riches, that I might be happy<br>I was given poverty, that I might be wise …<br>I asked for power, that I might have the praise of men<br>I was given weakness, that I might feel the need of God …<br>I asked for all things, that I might enjoy life<br>I was given life that I might enjoy all things …<br>I got nothing that I asked for—but everything I had hoped for<br>Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered.<br>I am, among all men, most richly blessed. ** Author unknown. As "A Creed for Those Who Have Suffered", this has been used by rehabilitation centers. Adlai E. Stevenson used these lines on his Christmas card, 1955. [[File:Woman praying in Cristo buen Viaje Church.jpg|thumb|Slow me down, Lord! Ease the pounding of my heart by the quieting of my mind. ]] * '''May the road rise to meet you.<br>May the wind be ever at your back'''<br>May the Good Lord keep you in the hollow of His hand.<br>May your heart be as warm as your hearthstone.<br>And when you come to die<br>may the wail of the poor<br>be the only sorrow<br>you'll leave behind.<br>May God bless you always. ** Author unknown, "An Irish Wish". Ralph L. Woods, ''A Third Treasury of the Familiar'' (1970), p. 644. Another version of this popular Irish blessing: May the road rise to meet you,<br>May the wind be always at your back,<br>May the sun shine warm upon your face,<br>May the rain fall soft upon your fields,<br>And, until we meet again,<br>May God hold you in the palm of His hand. * O God, thy sea is so great, and my boat is so small. ** Author unknown. Prayer of Breton fishermen. President John F. Kennedy had on his desk a plaque with these words, given to him by Admiral Hyman Rickover, who gave one like it to the commanding officer of each new Polaris submarine. Tazewell Taylor Shepard, Jr., ''John F. Kennedy, Man of the Sea'' (1965), p. 23. * Slow me down, Lord! Ease the pounding of my heart by the quieting of my mind. Steady my hurried pace with a vision of the eternal reach of time. Give me, amidst the confusion of my day, the [[calmness]] of the everlasting hills. Break the tensions of my nerves and muscles with the soothing music of singing streams that live in my memory. Teach me the art of taking minute vacations … of slowing down to look at a flower, to chat with a friend, to pat a dog, to read a few lines from a good book. Remind me each day of the fable of the hare and the tortoise, that I may know that the race is not always to the swift; that there is more to life than measuring its speed. Let me look upward into the branches of the towering oak and know that it grew great and strong because it grew slowly and well. Slow me down, Lord, and inspire me to send my roots deep into the soil of life's enduring values that I may grow toward the stars of my greater destiny. ** Author unknown. Reported in ''Respectfully Quoted: A Dictionary of Quotations'' (1989). ==See also== *[[Amen]] *[[Atonement]] *[[Blessings]] *[[Grace]] *[[Higher self]] *[[Inspiration]] *[[Mantra|Mantras]] * [[Meditation]] * [[Mindfulness]] *[[Om]] * [[Worship]] ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} {{Wiktionary}} [[Category:Religious behaviour and experience]] [[Category:Discourse]] [[Category:Semiotics]] [[Category:Belief]] [http://www.prayertimesweb.com/prayer-times-dhaka/ Timings] hv38ndt5kjjd4lewc8x5u8gqf0t7uhd 0 128442 3778691 3456309 2025-07-14T13:52:21Z UDScott 4304 +[[Category:1965 births]]; +[[Category:African Americans]]; ±[[Category:Comedians]]→[[Category:Comedians from the United States]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778691 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:MartinLawrenceHWOFJune2013.jpg|thumb|Martin Lawrence in 2013]] '''[[w:Martin Lawrence|Martin Fitzgerald Lawrence]]''' (born [[April 16]], [[1965]]) is an American comedian, musician, actor, and voice artist. {{actor-stub}} == Quotes == === ''[[w:You So Crazy|You So Crazy]]'' (1994)=== * Sorry, I had told Craig and them I'm gon' kick it with them. Gotta go! See you when I see you! * [''On the Wizard of Oz''] Lion's lookin' for some courage... Tin Man's lookin' for a heart... ain't none of them lookin' for some pussy, and they skippin' down the street WITH a fucking bitch! * Go head on, with yo' fat apple pie ass, Aunt Bea! * There better not be a black person in here that says they don't know nobody in jail... 'cause that's bullshit. Ray-Ray, Earl, Craig, Shorty Tim, Lil' Reg, all them motherfuckers in jail... Shonda's little brother... all of 'em, in jail... chillin'. == External links == {{wikipedia}} * [http://www.martinlawrence.com/ Martin Lawrence's web page] {{DEFAULTSORT:Lawrence, Martin}} [[Category:Actors from the United States]] [[Category:Comedians from the United States]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:1965 births]] [[Category:African Americans]] 4km476sj0xzxsamqddp0sjd2yhf0bcr 0 129269 3778942 3778368 2025-07-15T00:29:16Z 2600:4040:2E40:5500:3987:720E:6E5A:A9B5 /* Dialogue */ 3778942 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Buzz Lightyear sculpture of Toy Story Hotel Shanghai.jpg|thumb|Buzz Lightyear mission log. We've searched this gaseous planetoid from top to bottom with no sign of the missing personnel.]] {{DISPLAYTITLE:''Buzz Lightyear of Star Command: The Adventure Begins''}} '''''[[w:Buzz Lightyear of Star Command: The Adventure Begins|Buzz Lightyear of Star Command: The Adventure Begins]]''''' is a 2000 [[w:Disney|Disney]] [[w:animation|animated]] [[w:direct-to-video|direct-to-video]] film that acts as a [[w:pilot|pilot]] to the television series ''[[Buzz Lightyear of Star Command]]''. Canonically this movie inspired the existence of the [[Buzz Lightyear]] toyline. This page combines dialogues from the TV airings and home video releases. == Buzz Lightyear == * To [[infinity]] and beyond! * Not today, Zurg! * Buzz Lightyear mission log. We've searched this gaseous planetoid from top to bottom, with no sign of the missing personnel. * Warp, my friend, procedure is what separates us from the wicked forces of [[chaos]]. * Never judge a moon by its crater. We'd better double-check the dark side. * Hmm... Well, I don't think these are the three ''missing'' Little Green Men. * I'm afraid these three are stowaways. Ah, blast! This won't look good in my report. ''[sees the LGMs wandering off]'' Hey! * This diabolical plot can only be the work of the sworn enemy of the Galactic Alliance: Evil Emperor Zurg! * ''[TV airings version only]'' The story continues on the next episode of "Buzz Lightyear of Star Command". * Stop mocking me! * Buzz Lightyear may end today, but what I believe in will live on: [[hope]], [[freedom]], and [[justice]]. * Team Lightyear reporting for duty, sir! == XR == * You know, the guy's supposed to be some kind of evil genius, and best he can come up with is a ventriloquist act. What's next, evil juggling? * What'd I say? C'mon! You know the timeshare idea was solid, and you're jealous. * Please. "Experimental Ranger". * I ''am'' lovable. * * XR, reporting for duty. == Evil Emperor Zurg == * If you want something turned evil, turn it evil yourself. That's what Nana Zurg always used to say to me, and she was plenty evil. * ''[To Brain Pod #13]'' You're telling me my plan. I already ''know'' my plan. I made up the plan. It's ''my'' plan. ''[Enraged]'' '''''What I don't know is how close you are to accomplishing my plan!''''' * No! My plan! My galaxy! ''['''Zurg's Lackey:''' Uni-mind wave impact in three seconds!]'' Curse you, Buzz Lightyear! * This is my most diabolical scheme yet! Assuming that the freakshow, known as my staff, CAN DO ''ONE'' THING RIGHT! * A delightful blend of man and machine, with just a naughty touch of lingonberry! I shall call you... Agent Z! ['''Agent Z:''' That's stupid.] MY MOTHER USED TO CALL ME THAT! * Your puny Star Command laser is pathetic. Let me show you a ''real'' weapon! The Zurgatronic Ion Blaster! * I shall destroy your Galactic Alliance. ''[presses his "Z" emblem and it lights up]'' But, first, I shall destroy ''you!'' Well, not personally. Hornets! Destroy Buzz Lightyear! * Prepare to die, Buzz Lightyear! * Tell me of your mindlink! Tell me your secret! * I must have this Mystical Orb. This Uni-Mind! Launch an immediate assault on the Planet of the Little Green Men! * Proper torture requires the personal touch. Or if you got it. * Nana Zurg would be so proud! * ''"Zurgatronic",'' you lackwit! * Did you make sure that the plus end went to the plus part, AND THE MINUS END WENT TO THE MINUS PART?! * Miss him now?! * I'll admit that in the past, you've been a formidable foe. But since you "lost" your dear partner, you have been off your game. * Nana Zurg would be so proud! == Warp Darkmatter/Agent Z == * Come on, buddy. Nobody ever reads those reports. * Ah, Buzz. If it means less paperwork, I'll take chaos. * Now, you're just tryin' to freak us out. * What ''PLOT?!'' You think Zurg is behind every kitten stuck up a tree! * All I know is we've searched half of the Zeta Quadrant to find the missing LGMs and what do we find?! A lot of nothing! * Soft underbellies, eh? Let's see how ticklish. * Agent Z, love it! Especially the whole "Z" thing! * Excellent. A chance to use this. * Agent Z to Zurg. They sent Lightyear. * Saw it coming. * Agent Z to Zurg. The Uni-Mind's all yours. * You're good. But ''I'm'' better. * You haven't won 'til Lightyear's out of the picture. * I never thought it would be so easy. * Not that. Lightyear. * Not bad, Lightyear. I should've seen that one coming. * Aw, come on, buddy. That's no way to treat your partner. * Surprised? * ''[After revealing his identity as Agent Z to Buzz]'' My name's DARKmatter; who's surprised here? * Welcome to the team, partner. * Have you blown a circuit?! * Oh, this is gonna be ''great'' for my rep. * Get back here! Hey! Release me! ''HEY!'' I'm Zurg's number one agent! * What, you're gonna jump?! Are you crazy?! * She's a goner. == Dialogue == :''[After the Walt Disney Pictures and Pixar Animation Studios logos in the VHS and DVD home video releases, or after the intro sequence on TV airings, the screen fades from black and into Andy's bedroom following the events of "Toy Story 2", starting the events of this movie. Andy's Playskool monitor is on and Sarge's voice is heard.]'' :'''Sarge''': ''[on the Playskool monitor]'' V.H.S., this is Beta! We've got the package. ''[Rex comes in all pumped up and excited.]'' We're comin' home! :'''Rex''': ''[excitedly, to the other toys]'' Hey, everybody! It's here! ''It's here!'' :'''Woody''': ''[coming from behind the toy chest]'' It's here? Well, it's about time! :''[He then notices Sarge and his Green Army Men marching into the room with a VHS copy of "Buzz Lightyear of Star Command: The Adventure Begins". It looks just like the American VHS copies of said movie in real life.]'' :'''Sarge''': ''[marching]'' Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! :'''Squeeze Toy Aliens''': Ooh! :''[Rex charges into them and they squeak as they bounce around.]'' :'''Rex''': ''[excitedly]'' Ahh! It's the new action-packed Buzz Lightyear movie! :'''Sarge''': ''[still marching]'' Hup, 2, 3, 4! ''[He and his men place the VHS case into position.]'' Alright, move it out! :''[The toys walk up to the TV to watch the movie like the rest of us.]'' :'''Rex''': Somebody put in the tape! Put it in! My tiny arms can't reach! :'''Woody''': Okay, okay. Hold your horses, Rex. :''[He tries to open the VHS case, but it feels too heavy for him, in contrast to how easy it is for a human to open such a case.]'' :'''Rex''': Put it in! :'''Woody''': Gosh. It's stuck. ''[Rex screams, but then the sheriff eventually opens the case. This starts the "just kidding" running gag of the "Toy Story" sequence.]'' Just kidding. :''[Rex sighs in relief as Buzz and Jessie walk up to them.]'' :'''Toy Buzz''': Let me take a look at that. ''[He looks at the tape and whistles in amazement.]'' A "Buzz Lightyear" movie! :'''Woody''': Heh, what do you know? You don't look so fat when they draw you ''that'' way. :''[Buzz is embarrassed at this, while Jessie couldn't help giggling.]'' :'''Toy Buzz''': ''[laughs sarcastically]'' Let's watch it! :'''Rex''': ''[excited]'' Yes, please! Quick! Quick! :'''Woody''': Buzz, we're not gonna watch the ''whole'' thing. We just wanna see all the commercials at the beginning. :'''Rex''': What?! :'''Toy Buzz''': He's kidding, Rex. :''[Woody takes the VHS cassette out of the case and into the VCR under the tv screen.]'' :'''Wheezy''': Excuse me, Mr. Lightyear. You oughta sign that tape. It might be worth somethin' someday. :'''Rex''': He can sign it later! ''[to Woody, who is having a hard time inserting the VHS tape into the VCR player]'' Put it in! Put it in! :'''Woody''': ''[struggling]'' Darn thing's jammed. :'''Rex''': Jammed?! Oh, I can't stand the suspense! I can't! I just, I... Oh! :''[He faints and falls unconsciously on his back, startling the other toys.]'' :'''Hamm''': Oh boy! :'''Toy Buzz''': Rex! :'''Woody''': Gee, maybe we went too far. :'''Rex''': ''[recovering]'' Ha-ha! Just kidding! :'''Hamm''': ''[laughs]'' Good one, Rex. ''[turns on the tv with the remote]'' Very good. :''[The toys start to watch the movie as the screen zooms into the tv as the Buzz Lightyear icon flies to the center of the screen, then the popular "Buzz Lightyear" wordmark appears, then "of Star Command" follows, and, on VHS and DVD home video releases, the "Disney/Pixar" and "The Adventure Begins" appear in the top and bottom at the same time. The "Buzz Lightyear of Star Command" opening theme song plays for a moment, then the title card flies away, revealing the next scene of a background of outer space, in the form of a computer database. We soon hear Buzz's voice as he narrates his work as a Star Command Space Ranger for the Galactic Alliance's Universe Protection Unit.]'' :'''Buzz Lightyear''': ''[narrating]'' This is the universe. I work here. ''[His ID with his personal info appears on the screen.]'' Name's Lightyear, ''Buzz'' Lightyear. I'm a Space Ranger. ''[The screen changes to his partner, named Warp Darkmatter's ID info page with his personal info.]'' My partner Warp Darkmatter and I work out of Star Command's Universe Protection Unit. At 0800 hours, the report came in. :''[The screen changes to a red "Mission Assignment" warning, showing three Little Green Men circled, the latter three having gone missing.]'' :'''Female Computer Voice''': Missing: Three Little Green Men. Last seen: Star Command Science Bay. ''[Yellow letters from the top of the screen say "Little Green Men" as a red arrow flies to the right, with the word "MISSING" under each circle, then the two arrows fly up and the yellow letters change to "Mission Priority: Alpha Prime".]'' Alpha mission objective: Locate LGMS A.S.A.P. :''[An opening iris reveals an Uncharted Moon on a purple sky part of the galaxy known as the Zeta Quadrant.]'' :'''Buzz''': ''[narrating]'' We'll find and rescue these Little Green Men, even if we must go to infinity... and beyond. :''[The scene fades into a purple fog, which clears up to reveal parts of the Uncharted Moon as purple smoke emit from volcanos in a rocky mountain as the first set of subtitles of the movie type in "Zeta Quadrant". A cloud of purple smoke passes by to reveal another part of the planet with a rocket from the distance as a second set of subtitles type in "Uncharted Moon". As the camera zooms slowly in towards the rocket, more volcanoes emit more purple smoke until the screen is completely covered, before clearing to reveal the captain of Star Command, Buzz Lightyear from the back of his head, until he turns around and starts talking into his wrist communicator.]'' :'''Buzz''': Buzz Lightyear mission log. We've searched this gaseous planetoid from top to bottom with no sign of the missing personnel. ''[As he speaks, he activates his missing LGM hologram showing the three missing Little Green Men. He then closes his wrist communicator before being startled by bright lights and a loud car horn honk, causing him to put his hand over his eyes to see who startled him from behind.]'' Hey! :''[The scene changes to the driver of a Star Command space buggy, who is none other than Buzz's partner, Warp Darkmatter.]'' :'''Warp Darkmatter''': Come on, buddy. ''[turns off the buggy's lights]'' Nobody ever reads those reports. :'''Buzz''': ''[walking up to his partner]'' Warp, my friend, procedure is what separates us from the wicked forces of chaos. :''[A pair of goggles appear from the back of his neck and he applies them to look around for the missing LGMs.]'' :'''Warp''': Ah, Buzz. If it means less paperwork, I'll take chaos. ''[He gets back in the driver's seat of the space buggy and straps on his seat belt, then groans impatiently for Buzz to climb aboard.]'' Oh, man. Give it up, partner. This rock's as dead as it looks. :'''Buzz''': ''[taking off the goggles and they slide back behind him]'' Never judge a moon by its crater. We'd better double check the dark side. :'''Warp''': ''[smirks]'' I'll drive. :''[He drives the space buggy through the planet as a dramatic OST plays. While Warp drives, the buggy flies off a ramp and falls over a set of cyan anime-styled speed lines, with Buzz and Warp not looking too worried about it, but then get startled by the sudden screams of three LGMs that have stowed away in search of their missing comrades. The buggy then lands and Warp stops the buggy.]'' :'''Warp''': Well, mission accomplished. ''[He opens his wrist communicator and activates his missing LGM hologram.]'' Three LGMs disappeared, we just found three LGMs. :'''Buzz''': ''[looking at Warp's hologram of the missing LGMs, unsure]'' Hmm... Well, I don't think these are the three ''missing'' Little Green Men. :'''Warp''': ''[closes his wrist communicator]'' Sure, not anymore. :'''Buzz''': I'm afraid these three are stowaways. ''[The stowaway LGMs exit the space buggy and wander off to find their missing comrades.]'' Ah, blast! This won't look good in my report. ''[He then notices the LGMs wandering off and gasps.]'' Hey! :'''LGMs''': Must save the lost ones! :'''Warp''': ''[running up to the LGMs]'' Whoa, whoa, whoa. ''[stands in front of the LGMs, stopping them]'' We'll find your amigos, boys. Just not here. :'''Middle LGM''': Here! :'''Buzz''': How can you be so sure? :'''LGMs''': Mindlink. :'''Warp''': ''[crossing arms]'' Oh, come on. :'''LGMs''': ''[antennas wiggling]'' Evil! :'''Darkmatter''': Now, you’re just trying to freak us out. :'''Buzz''': No, it’s my worst fear come true. :'''Warp''': Here we go. :'''Buzz''': This diabolical plot can only be the work of the sworn enemy of the Galactic Alliance: Evil Emperor Zurg. :'''Darkmatter''': What plot?! You think Zurg is behind every kitten stuck up a tree! :'''Buzz''': The fiend! Why can't he leave kitty-cats out of his nefarious schemes? :'''Darkmatter''': All I know is, we searched half the Zeta Quadrant to find the missing LGMs, and what do we find?! A lot of nothing! ''[notices Buzz's horrified expression]'' There's something really bad behind me, isn't there? :''[A snake-like creature called a "Crater Viper" emerges behind Warp and prepares to attack him.]'' :'''Buzz''': Crater Viper! Look out! ''[He charges into Warp to get both Rangers out of harm's way and they tumble down the mountain. They then get up and prepare their lasers.]'' Strange. Crater Vipers never hunt in packs. :'''Warp''': ''[off-screen]'' Tell ''them'' that! :''[They both fire their lasers at the Crater Vipers' mouths. Buzz then turns around and fires at another crater viper in the mouth. Said Crater Viper roars in pain and charges down in retaliation. We then go to Warp firing his wrist laser at the snake-like monsters when another Crater Viper rises behind him, taking him by surprise. Luckily, Buzz fires a laser beam at that crater viper's mouth, saving Warp.]'' :'''Warp''': Thanks, partner. :'''Buzz''': ''[smirks at him as to say, "you're welcome", then continues shooting alongside Warp]'' Looks like this moon's not so dead after all! :'''Warp''': ''[while shooting]'' Give me a minute. It will be. :''[While Buzz and Warp continue to open fire, the stowaway Little Green Men continue to wander off as they walk past the two Space Rangers and a Crater Viper crashes behind them.]'' :'''LGMs''': ''[off-screen]'' The lost ones! :'''Buzz''': ''[takes notice of the LGMs wandering off]'' What are you doing? ''[He ducks under a swinging crater viper arm to dodge the attack.]'' Ooh! :'''LGM''': This way. :''[A crater viper crashes into a hole, missing the LGMs and then turns the other way. Next scene, another crater viper surrounds Warp as he fires, who grunts and shoots at the same crater viper. The camera then cuts to the LGMs walking into a crater as two crater vipers attack them, but miss. A third crater viper ducks down at the Little Green Men and roars at them and attacks, but also misses and crashes into the ground. In another shot, Buzz shoots down a crater viper and runs towards the LGMs to protect them, but gets grabbed by another crater viper from behind with its arms as it roars. Next shot, a 3rd crater viper looks down at the LGMs and roars. Buzz sees this and breaks free from the second Crater Viper's grip by pressing the big red circle button on the left side of his suit, activating his wingspan jetpack and flies towards the LGMs to protect them from the other crater viper, who sees him flying in between the two parties as the "Buzz Lightyear of Star Command" theme plays. Buzz's wings close once he gets close to the ground and he slides across on his back and opens fire at the aforementioned Crater Viper while blocking the LGMs from its attacks. The crater viper roars in pain as it gets hit by laser beams into its mouth. In the next shot, Warp fires at four Crater Vipers. Buzz shouts at him from off-screen.]'' :'''Buzz''': ''[off-screen]'' Warp, hit 'em from below! :'''Warp''': Soft underbellies, eh? ''[He presses the red circle on his spacesuit and activates his own wingspan. He flies up and a Crater Viper attempts to attack him, but misses. Next scene, he presses his Star Command icon symbol and pulls out a bazooka.]'' Let's see how ticklish. :''[The camera focuses on his hand as he blasts at the army of Crater Vipers in his sight. We then cut over to the Crater Vipers going back to their holes to reveal that they were actually a one-eyed rock monster's fingers! This mutant monster is called a "Crater Viper Slag Monster Mutant".]'' :'''Buzz''': ''[off-screen]'' Of course! I should've guessed! A Crater Viper Slag Monster Mutant! :''[The Crater Vipers roar with the monster mutant as Buzz and Warp look on in horror.]'' :'''Buzz''': The LGMs! :'''Warp Darkmatter''': ''[off-screen]'' Are they insane?! :''[The Little Green Men walk up to the mutant monster as it growls. It then attacks them using the Crater Vipers.]'' :'''LGMs''': Must save the lost ones! :''[Buzz and Warp suddenly fly down from behind them. Warp grabs one LGM while Buzz grabs two LGMs. They then fly up to safety.]'' :'''Warp''': ''[while holding one LGM]'' Can't you just... :'''Buzz''': ''[while holding the other two LGMs under his arms]'' Warp, Gemini split, now! :''[The camera flies into a crater viper's opening mouth, but in the next shot, Buzz and Warp dodge it by doing the Gemini split. Buzz then jumps off another crater viper's nose before flying up to a nearby cliff where Warp is with the third LGM. While Warp talks with the LGM he was holding, Buzz lands and puts down the other two LGMs he was holding.]'' :'''Warp''': Any reason you were looking to shake hands with a beast from 20,000 craters? :'''LGMs''': ''[walking to the edge of the cliff and pointing at the mutant]'' The lost ones are there! :''[Buzz and Warp follow them and look down to where they're pointing.]'' :'''Warp''': Oh, well, then I'd say they're the dead ones now. ''[The mutant looks up to them and growls angrily at them.]'' Let's get out of here. :''[Buzz looks depressed, as if he would have to agree that the mission had failed, but then, he gets an idea.]'' :'''Buzz''': Ha! I'm goin' in! ''[activates his wingspan]'' Follow my lead! :''[He jumps off the edge of the cliff and flies down. Warp activates his own jetpack and follows his partner.]'' :'''Warp''': I hope you have a plan! :'''Buzz''': ''[while flying]'' No more so than usual. :''[He presses the yellow square button on the right side of his suit and launches two grappling hooks from the top of his jetpack's thrusts over two sets of anime-styled speed lines. He tangles the Crater Vipers with them and Warp does the same with his own grappling hooks, having pressed the yellow square button on his own spacesuit.]'' :'''Warp''': ''[while hovering]'' Now what? :'''Buzz''': Full throttle! Hit it! :''[They both press the blue square button on their spacesuits and fly at twice the usual speed of their wingspan jetpacks over a third set of anime-styled speed lines. The "Buzz Lightyear of Star Command" theme plays triumphantly as Buzz and Warp fly up as the mutant monster watches them fly up as his fingers are also getting raised up. The LGMs walk away from the edge of the cliff in the next scene, then in another shot, the Crater Vipers start choking due to not being able to breathe as Buzz and Warp struggle to fly further up. The mutant starts growling and rocks from underneath him start to crumble.]'' :'''Buzz''': ''[struggling to fly up]'' The lost ones aren't in it! ''[The monster mutant gets lifted off the ground a little bit to reveal part of Zurg's Subterranean Outpost hideout.]'' They're ''under'' it! Not...enough...power! ''[The scene changes to the top of a rocky mountain with a flat edge.]'' Alright, new plan! Above us! :''[Buzz and Warp aim their wrist lasers at the bottom of the edge and shoot at it, causing one of the LGMs to wobble.]'' :'''LGM''': ''[starting to wobble]'' Whoa! :''[Another LGM grabs his arm and pulls him back up to safety. The mutant monster sees the giant falling rock and Buzz and Warp detach their cables by pressing the yellow square button on their spacesuits and they both fly through an open hole of the rock, which acts as a tunnel for them to fly through.]'' :'''Buzz''': ''[grunting]'' Whoa! :''[The Crater Viper Slag Monster Mutant gets crushed by the debris as Buzz and Warp fly out of a cloud caused by the wreckage.]'' :'''Warp''': That was your plan? :'''Buzz''': Most of it. Where are the LGMs? :'''Warp''': ''[sighs and points down]'' Take a guess. :''[Both Space Rangers hover down and land behind where the Little Green Men are standing. They point at Zurg's hideout.]'' :'''LGMs''': Zurg. :'''Buzz''': I knew it. :''[The camera flies down to reveal Zurg's Subterranean Outpost. The top of the outpost hideout has Zurg's logo on the top. We then go inside Zurg's outpost and slowly move across electric machinery until we find the three missing Little Green Men in a sensory deprivation tank filled with water as subtitles on the bottom left of the screen type in "ZURG'S SUBTERRANEAN OUTPOST". Next scene, we see Brain Pod #29 turning up a dial as another set of subtitles type in "TORTURE DIVISON".]'' :'''Missing LGMs''': ''[yelling in pain]'' Ow! Oh! Ow! ''OW!'' Ow! :''[The sliding doors suddenly open, startling Brain Pod #29 as he fears that it could be Zurg, but as the gas settles, it is revealed to be another Brain Pod, named Brain Pod #13, much to Brain Pod #29's relief as he sighs.]'' :'''Brain Pod #13''': Anything? :'''Brain Pod #29''': No. :'''Brain Pod #13''': Oh, he's not gonna like this! :''[He suddenly gasps as the sliding doors open again, only this time as the gas settles, a Grub enters the room.]'' :'''Grub''': Anything? :'''Brain Pod #29''': No. :'''Grub''': Ooh, he's not going to like this! ''[He walks back through the sliding doors, but then abruptly returns, frightening Brain Pod #29.]'' Uh, what should I tell him? :'''Brain Pod #29''': We have proven that the Little Green Men think and feel as one. We... ''[chuckles nervously]'' just don't know how. :'''Grub''': ''[worried]'' Oh, he's not gonna like this at all! :''[The sliding doors close again, and Brain Pod #29 has a stern look on his face. The sliding doors open for the third time, and Brain Pod #29 is rather annoyed this time, expecting that Grub worker again.]'' :'''Brain Pod #29''': ''[annoyed]'' Oh, now what?! :''[But, to his and everyone else's shock and horror, not only has the Grub appeared again, but also the Evil Emperor Zurg himself! He is squeezing the Grub by his metal hand.]'' :'''Grub''': ''[while being choked]'' He, uh, he didn't like it. :''[Zurg drops the Grub and enters the room.]'' :'''Brain Pod #13''': ''[scared, stammering, talking quickly]'' Evil Emperor Zurg! Hi, how are you? The torture tank is good to go here as you can see, and I... :'''Zurg''': Silence! :''[He swats Brain Pod #13 aside, whacking him to a wall.]'' :'''Brain Pod #13''': My bad. :''[Zurg opens his hand, sharpening his claws and pierces them into the tank, making a painful glass scratching noise as he slides his hand down. The room then floods with water and it hits the Brain Pods.]'' :'''Missing LGMs''': ''[amazed]'' Ooh. ''[Zurg suddenly rips them out of the tank from the cords of their helmets.]'' Whoa! :'''Zurg''': Proper torture requires the personal touch. ''[He powers up an electric ball from the finger of his other hand.]'' Or if you got it. :''[He shocks the LGMs with the electric ball.]'' :'''Missing LGMs''': OW! ''[Zurg laughs evilly.]'' We... are one. ''[Zurg zaps them again.]'' Ooh! :''[Zurg lets out another evil laugh.]'' :'''Missing Little Green Man 1''': We will never talk! :'''Missing LGM 3''': Do your worst! :'''Zurg''': My plan exactly. :''[He shocks the LGMs again as they scream in pain. Meanwhile, Buzz tries to use his laser to melt the door, but it turns out to be laser proof.]'' :'''Buzz Lightyear''': Blast! Laser-resistant diabonic alloy. :'''Warp Darkmatter''': ''[pats Buzz's shoulder]'' Let me try. :''[He walks up to the entrance and cleverly presses his back against the wall and knocks on the door, waiting for it to open behind him. The Grub from earlier opens the door, but doesn't notice Warp from behind.]'' :'''Grub''': Yes? :''[Warp slams the door, sending the Grub flying and crashing as he can also be heard groaning. Warp re-opens the door to allow Buzz to pass.]'' :'''Warp Darkmatter''': After you. :''[Buzz enters, but as he walks in the doorway, a voice from an LGM stops him as the stowaway LGMs also enter the hideout from behind him.]'' :'''LGM''': Excuse us. Coming through. :'''Buzz''': Get back in the ship and wait. :'''LGMs''': No! :'''Buzz''': Now, I know this is personal for you, but I must insist. :'''LGMs''': No! :'''Buzz''': Okay, we're getting into a chain of command area here, so really... :'''LGMs''': We feel the pain! Oh! :'''Buzz''': Oh, oh, oh, right. ''[to Warp]'' It's their mindlink thing. :'''Warp''': How ''do'' you do that, anyway? :'''LGMs''': ''[pant]'' The Uni-Mind. :'''Warp''': Uni-Mind? :'''Buzz''': The Mystical Orb that links all of LGM-kind. It's on their home world. Of course, that's need to know, classified. :''[Next scene, Buzz and Warp are lined up against a wall by the sliding door with Buzz on the left and Warp on the right. Both Space Rangers are warming up their wrist lasers.]'' :'''Warp''': I'm your partner. I need to know. :'''Buzz''': Now you do. :'''Warp''': Anything else I should know? :'''Buzz''': No, I'd say you're up to speed. :'''Warp''': Okay, thank you. :''[Buzz presses a button that opens the sliding door and he and Warp peek through the doorway and aim their lasers. The next shot shows the missing LGMs strapped to chairs by Zurg.]'' :'''Zurg''': Tell me of your mindlink! Tell me your secret! :'''Missing LGMs''': Never! :'''Zurg''': Oh. I'll just have to ''pick'' your brains. ''[chuckles evilly, then shouts for his Cranial Dissect-A-Bot]'' Where's my Cranial Dissect-A-Bot?! :''[The Dissect-a-bot appears behind Zurg as he laughs evilly, and is about to drill their heads, but fortunately, a laser beam fired by Buzz destroys it, causing Zurg to duck down from the explosion. The missing LGMs also scream and turn away, but then open their eyes to see someone.]'' :'''Zurg''': Whoa! :'''Missing LGMs''': Aaah! ''[they see Buzz]'' Ooh. :''[Zurg looks to the sliding doors to see his arch nemesis, Buzz Lightyear, entering the room by jumping out of the doorway, doing a flip and landing while aiming his wrist laser at the Evil Emperor.]'' :'''Zurg''': Ah, Lightyear. :'''Buzz''': Evil Emperor Zurg, by the authority of the Galactic Alliance, you are hereby charged with attempted dissection of Star Command personnel! :'''Zurg''': I shall destroy your Galactic Alliance. ''[presses his "Z" emblem and it lights up]'' But first, I shall destroy ''you!'' ''[As he talks, yellow robots called Hornets appear in the room by falling from the ceiling doors.]'' Well, not personally. Hornets! Destroy Buzz Lightyear! :''[The Hornets stand up as they transform and morph their arms into machine guns as Buzz finds himself surrounded. A platform comes down from the ceiling where the torture tank holding the missing Little Green Men was set up, and lands close to Zurg. The Hornets then begin to open rapid fire at Buzz, shooting all over the room. Buzz destroys a few off-screen Hornets, and as the battle rages on, Zurg gets onto the platform that flies him to the ceiling as his exit to escape from Buzz.]'' <hr width=60%> :'''Zurg''': Prepare to die, Buzz Lightyear! :'''Buzz''': Not today, Zurg! :''[He tries to shoot down Zurg's platform, but the Evil Emperor gets away and reaches the black hole in the ceiling, fleeing from the outpost. Despite this, Buzz still frees the missing Little Green Men from their metal straps on their restraint chairs with his wrist laser.]'' :'''Missing LGM 1''': ''[metal strap opens]'' Ooh! :'''Missing LGM 2''': ''[metal strap opens]'' Ooh! :'''Missing LGM 3''': ''[metal strap opens]'' Ooh! :''[Buzz jumps and dodges rolls from the Hornets' gunfire and fires his laser at four Hornets, blowing them all up. He then activates his jetpack.]'' :'''Buzz''': Hop on! :''[The missing LGMs jump onto Buzz's wings and ride on Buzz as he takes off and flies around the room shooting the Hornets and destroying them as the LGMs scream as they fly at high speed. One of the Hornets manages to shoot an LGM off and he falls, but Buzz quickly flies down and catches him in his arms. Warp then appears by riding Zurg's escape platform down and crushes four Hornets underneath, destroying them.]'' :'''Warp''': Backup? :''[Buzz flies down to Warp and lands next to him, then he puts the LGM he was holding down and the other two LGMs dismount Buzz's wings and he deactivates his wingspan.]'' :'''Buzz''': Always a dramatic entrance, Warp. Let's go after Zurg! :'''Zurg''': ''[on TV]'' Not today, Lightyear, for I started the self-destruct sequence on my way out. It is a ''Moon of Doom'' now. ''[Laughs evilly]'' :'''Man on P.A.''': Self-destruct in sixty seconds. :'''Buzz''': Sixty seconds? :'''Warp''': All the time in the world. :''[Zurg's Hornets start blasting again.]'' :'''Missing LGMs''': Uh-oh! :''[Buzz and Warp also start firing again, destroying two Hornets in the process.]'' :'''Buzz''': ''[while shooting]'' Get to the ship! Blast off! :'''Missing LGMs''': ''[worried]'' But, Buzz! :'''Buzz''': ''[while firing his laser with Warp]'' That's an order! We'll meet you in orbit! :''[Without hesitation, all six Little Green Men evacuate and head back to the ship as ordered by Buzz.]'' :'''Man on P.A.''': Self-destruct in forty five seconds. :'''Zurg''': ''[on TV]'' Farewell, Lightyear! This time, you shall not escape! :''[He laughs evilly, but his taunt is cut off by Buzz as he blasts the TVs with his laser.]'' :'''Buzz''': ''[while shooting]'' Just watch me, Zurg! :''[Buzz and Warp continue shooting and blasting down the Hornets. They both fire their lasers at two of the Hornets, which crash into a third Hornet and into a generator power supply, destroying all four of them and the room starts to collapse, causing the hideout to begin burning. A few firework whistles are heard as Buzz looks around, then is knocked forwards by an explosion coming from the roof. He gets up and notices a support about to fall on top of him and he quickly jumps out of the way and takes out the last two Hornets.]'' :'''Buzz''': Come on, Warp! It's time to blow this rock! :''[He activates his jetpack and runs up, but doesn't take off as he hears Warp grunting in pain. He's been crushed by the heavy debris and is stuck. Buzz tries to get his partner out by lifting up the debris so he can crawl out, but to no avail.]'' :'''Man on P.A.''': Self-destruct in ten seconds. :'''Warp''': Get out of here! :'''Buzz''': No! :''[He tries to pull Warp out of the debris.]'' :'''Warp''': Go! :'''Buzz''': ''[while struggling]'' We're partners! :'''Man on P.A.''': Self-destruct in five... :'''Warp''': I said, "GO"! :''[He slams Buzz's jetpack button and watches him blast off into orbit, out of the outpost.]'' :'''Buzz''': ''[shouting while flying up]'' WARP! :''[As he flies up, Buzz tries to fly back to Warp as time runs out. Warp gives a farewell grin as Buzz flies to him, knowing he'll be too late.]'' :'''Man on P.A.''': Four, three, two, one. :''[The camera focuses on Buzz as he stops flying and flinches at the explosion down below. We then see Buzz's shadow as he watches the explosion and gets covered in a cloud of smoke. As soon as the smoke settles, the scene changes to the outside of the main base of operations of Star Command, the Star Command Space Station, orbiting a planet known as Capital Planet, the headquarters of the Galactic Alliance. On the bottom left of the screen, subtitles type in "Star Command". The screen fades and the camera slowly flies across the Star Command symbol. The screen then fades to Buzz without his helmet on for the rest of the movie, and is standing on a podium giving a tragic eulogy of Warp in front of six Little Green Men and all of the other Space Rangers who work at Star Command. The camera shows a closeup of him and he hangs his head in sadness, and love, relief, and pride.]'' :'''Buzz''': Space Ranger Warp Darkmatter sacrificed himself for the success of his mission. For the safety of his fellows. I... miss him very much. :''[The six LGMs also hang their heads in sadness and love. As sad and love music plays in the background, the screen fades to Buzz looking at a hologram of him and Warp catching their first suspects.]'' :'''Buzz''': ''[voice-over, narrating]'' Buzz Lightyear personal log. In his crazed attempt to destroy me, Zurg has robbed the universe of a good man. ''[He press the backspace button and deletes "WARP DARKMATTER" from his deceased partner's locker.]'' My partner. My friend. ''[He walks down the halls in sadness.]'' On this day I vow no ranger will ever again fall in harm's way because of me. ''[As soon as he says that, the screen fades to black while he says the last words for this scene during the black background.]'' I... work... alone. <hr width=60%> :''[The scene changes to the training room called the Training Deck, where Space Rangers train and hone their skills against a variety of obstacles, ranging from robots to lasers. Among the group of rookie Space Rangers in training is a red-haired, blue-skinned female ranger named Mira Nova from the planet Tangea. On the bottom left of the screen, subtitles type in "Training Deck".]'' :'''Woman on P.A.''': Commander Nebula, report to training deck. :''[We see Commander Zeb Nebula walk in. First, we see his peg-leg, then the camera flies up to reveal the rest of his on-screen appearance. Commander Nebula is the head and founder of Star Command.]'' :'''Commander Nebula''': Yeah, yeah, way ahead of ya. ''[groans, then turns behind him and grabs the mic and talks to one of the Space Rangers.]'' Cadet Flarn, watch your tail, son! :'''Cadet Flarn''': ''[fires his laser and then hears what Commander Nebula said]'' Hmm? :''[He turns around to discover a robot from behind him and grabs his tail and he yells in pain as he gets slammed to a wall. Flarn then gets splattered by a gravity-defying goo gun and the goo levitates him up through a hole in the ceiling. The gun then shoots at another flying ranger as he tries to avoid them, but gets hit. Mira flies by as Commander Nebula speaks over the intercom.]'' :'''Commander Nebula''': ''[over the intercom]'' You people try that kind of hotdogging in the field, and you're space dust! :''[Buzz slides down a tube and lands in front of the commander and salutes.]'' :'''Buzz''': ''[salutes]'' Commander Nebula. :'''Commander Nebula''': ''[turns back to Buzz, away from the glass window]'' Ah, Lighyear! ''[A rookie ranger screams as he flies into the window and slides down after crashing.]'' I've got something I want you to see. ''[turns back to the window and speaks over the intercom]'' Alright! We're cranking it up to Level 9, people! :''[The alarm sound alerts the Space Ranger trainees.]'' :'''Mira Nova''': Bring it on. ''[More goo guns are lined up, startling her and another female ranger next to her.]'' Huh?! :''[More robots appear and ramps pop out of the wall with 3 Rangers gasping in fear.]'' :'''Buzz''': Level Nine? Commander, they're only rookies. Come on. ''I'' train on Level Nine. :'''Commander Nebula''': I know. :''[Giant bubble-like balls roll from the ramps and a male ranger activates his jetpack to fly away from one. A female ranger also opens her jetpack to take off from the rolling ball that almost traps her. One of the two rangers smiles until they notice red electric nets coming at them, trapping them and two other flying rangers. Mira and three other rangers stand together shooting when a trap door suddenly opens from under them and they scream as they fall in. Mira escapes while the other three rangers are not so lucky as they get shot and trapped by the green lasers and float up to the ceiling. A male ranger tries to fly away from a rolling ball, but gets trapped in it and screams as it traps him. A female ranger tries to run as fast as she can to escape from another rolling ball, but she also gets caught and trapped by it and floats up to the ceiling as well as two other rangers who were also caught like bubbles. Three rangers crash into a wall that comes out of the floor and then we cut over to Mira, who gets grabbed by a robot from behind.]'' :'''Mira''': Hey! ''[She shoots the robot and lands on the ground, then looks around to find that she's the only Space Ranger left standing in the Training Deck.]'' Hmm. :''[Buzz is very impressed and nods with approval of her skills. Commander Nebula then speaks over the microphone once again.]'' :'''Commander Nebula''': Level... 10. :''[Upon listening to that, Buzz looks horrified and then a giant robot rises from the floor behind Mira.]'' :'''Mira''': Huh? Oh. ''[sees the robot behind her]'' Oh... Oh... ''[Another robot rises from the floor.]'' Oh-Oh! Okay. :''[A third robot also comes up. She's about to open fire as the three brute-looking robots surround her, but then looks behind her to see a robot head locking onto her. Then, all three robots' chests open, revealing rapid-fire machine guns as they shoot Mira with piles of blue goo as she grunts.]'' :'''Buzz''': Oh! Well, I-I guess we couldn't expect a rookie to... :'''Commander Nebula''': ''[cuts Buzz off]'' Uh! It ain't over. :''[Sure enough, it isn't over just yet. The pool of goo starts to glow and some of the residue in the form of Mira's body floats through the ceiling, but what the robots didn't know was that it was just Mira's suit that floated up and not Mira herself as the Tangean princess uses her Tangean ghosting powers to rise from the floor in her blue and green jumpsuit. She then runs up and jumps into a robot from behind, popping out in the front and ripping out its electric cord. She then jumps off and does a somersault and rips out another robot's electric cord from the front as well. She jumps off and flips again. The middle robot hammerfists the two malfunctioning robots and its head explodes, then the rest of the body falls over. Buzz is deeply amazed at what Mira just did.]'' :'''Buzz''': ''[amazed]'' How did she do that? :''[Mira rises up from inside the robot and dusts off her hands.]'' :'''Commander Nebula''': ''[off-screen]'' She's from the planet Tangea. :'''Buzz''': Of course, Tangean ghosting powers. Excellent. :'''Commander Nebula''': Yeah. Let's see one of Zurg's robots walk through a wall. :''[Mira rises up from behind Buzz and Commander Nebula and salutes them both.]'' :'''Mira''': Ranger Mira Nova reporting for duty, sirs. :'''Buzz''': Mira Nova? ''[remembers something]'' That's a strange coincidence. Isn't that also the name of the heir to the Tangean throne? I met her once. :'''Mira''': You saved my planet once. :'''Nebula''': Buzz, meet your new partner. :'''Buzz''': Partner? :'''Mira''': Sir, what you did for my people, it inspired me to join. :'''Buzz''': No. :'''Mira''': No? :'''Nebula''': No what? :'''Buzz''': No partner. Too risky. :'''Nebula''': Ohh. Look, son, I know you're still torn up about Warp, but next time you're out there... :'''Buzz''': And Zurg aims for me? What's to keep the princess from ending up like Warp? :'''Nebula''': ''[angry]'' '''YEAH? WELL, MAYBE IT'S THE PRINCESS WHO'S KEEPING YOU FROM ENDING UP LIKE WARP!!''' :'''Nova''': Okay, hello? The princess has a name! :'''Buzz''': Yeah, I'm sorry, princess.. ''[facepalms in frustration]'' Mira. I work alone. :'''Nova''': So you're gonna stop Zurg all by yourself? :'''Buzz''': That's the general plan. :'''Nova''': But regulations clearly state-- :'''Buzz''': I know regulations! I wrote half of them! But as long as Zurg is gunning for me, anybody close to me is gonna get caught in the crossfire! :'''Nebula''': Noted! But Buzz, there's one thing you should know! :'''Buzz''': ''[confused]'' What's that? :'''Nebula''': ''[angry]'' '''YOU ARE NOT GOING OUT THERE WITHOUT BACKUP!''' :'''Buzz''': I'm sorry, Commander. But from now on, Buzz Lightyear flies solo. :''[He gets sucked up through the tube and leaves the Training Deck. Next scene, we go to another portion of Star Command, the Star Cruiser Launch Bay. This room is where ships are docked, serviced and launched from here. An alarm is heard going off as subtitles at the bottom of the screen type in "Star Cruiser Launch Bay".]'' :'''Woman on P.A.''': All personnel, clear the Launch Bay. Star Cruiser 36, prepare for launch. :''[Following the announcement, the roof opens and the bottom of the rocket ship, known as a Star Cruiser, ignites and the Cruiser takes off. The scene then changes to find a giant red toad-like creature peeking his head out from behind a wall. He is a Jo-Adian named Booster Munchapper from the planet Jo-Ad, and he works as Star Command's janitor. He also dreams about becoming a Space Ranger like his idol, Buzz. He notices six Little Green Men who are not looking and he walks out from behind with an electric polisher.]'' :'''Woman on P.A.''': Crystallic fusion modules needed on Pad 14. :''[The LGMs turn around and notice Booster.]'' :'''Booster Munchapper''': ''[nervously]'' Uh... :''[He nervously hums as he polishes the floors, hoping they don't catch him snooping around.]'' :'''All LGMs''': Hello. :'''Booster''': ''[smiles nervously]'' I'm just cleaning the floor and stuff. :'''All LGMs''': Clean is good. :'''Woman on P.A.''': Rocket away. All personnel may return to the Launch Bay. :''[The doors open and the LGMs return to the Launch Bay after Star Cruiser 36's launch. Booster giggles nervously, then sees the LGMs walking to the Launch Bay. He then walks into the Bay himself to take a peek inside and sees a Star Cruiser, much to his amazement.]'' :'''Booster''': ''[amazed]'' Wow! An Andromeda Class Star Cruiser! :'''Woman on P.A.''': Ambassador escort patrol is scheduled at 0900. :''[As he takes a look at the Star Cruiser during his awe and amazement, Booster releases his polisher as he enters the room, which slides away and hits one of the 6 LGMs off-screen, making us hear a crash and him yelping in surprise.]'' :'''Booster''': ''[impressed]'' This is just too cool! :''[Suddenly, he gets caught by the Star Command corporal.]'' :'''Corporal''': ''[angrily, to Booster]'' You there! The Launch Bay is for Authorized Personnel only! :'''Booster''': ''[stammering nervously]'' I was just, um, uh, I... ''[He takes out a mop a cleans the floors.]'' Oh, man. :'''Corporal''': Just like I figured. Guess what, pal. You're through! :''[He suddenly gets startled by Buzz as he talks from behind, then turns around to face him and comes to his senses.]'' :'''Buzz''': He's not through 'till ''I'' say so. :'''Corporal''': ''[salutes Buzz]'' Captain Lightyear! :'''Booster''': ''[gasps in amazement]'' Buzz! :''[Buzz slides his left pointer finger across the floor and observes the space dust.]'' :'''Buzz''': Ugh, space dust. This place is filthy. And it goes right to the sub-atonic level. That's why this young man is in here with his molecular mop. ''[to Booster]'' Carry on, custodian. :'''Booster''': ''[salutes with a smile]'' Oh, yes, sir! :''[He drops the smile and reverts to his guilty state as he continues to mop the floor.]'' :'''Corporal''': ''[salutes]'' My mistake, sir. :'''Buzz''': As you were, Corporal. Dismissed. ''[The corporal leaves, allowing the captain to have a pep talk with his number one fan. sighs]'' Come on, Booster. This is the third time this week. You know you're really not authorized to be in here, son. :'''Booster''': Oh, I know. But, I like to look at the Star Cruisers. I just wanna be a Space Ranger so bad, Buzz. :'''Buzz''': Now, don't you worry. You'll pass the Entrance Exam, Booster. You've just got to study the- :'''Booster''': Space Ranger Mission Manuel? Oh, I am, sir! I memorize one page every night! ''[He shows Buzz his copy of the Space Ranger Mission Manuel Entrance Exam book, then picks up the other end of his mop and speaks boldly.]'' I'm up to Section 5, Subsection Beta: "Light speed limits. More than just a good idea, it's the law." :'''Buzz''': ''[proudly]'' Outstanding! :'''Booster''': ''[proudly]'' Oh, thanks, Buzz. :''[Buzz's wrist communicator beeps and he answers it, being contacted by an LGM in the Science Bay.]'' :'''LGM''': ''[off-screen, from Buzz's wrist communicator]'' Buzz Lightyear to Science Bay. :'''Buzz''': On my way. ''[He close his communicator.]'' Gotta run, Booster! :''[He starts to leave the Launch Bay.]'' :'''Booster''': ''[gasps]'' Yes, sir! :''[He holds his breath. Buzz re-appears after a few seconds.]'' :'''Buzz''': Uh, Booster? :'''Booster''': ''[still holding his breath]'' Yes, sir? :'''Buzz''': At ease. Dismissed. :''[He leaves and Booster exhales and releases his breath.]'' :'''Booster''': ''[panting]'' Thanks, Buzz. :''[A triangle flies from the top right to the bottom left, transitioning to Zurg's home planet, called Planet Z. This planet is a different planet from that of Xrghthung from the game "Buzz Lightyear: Attack on Zurg". The heart of this red sky filled planet is Zurg's palace, called the "Zurg Tower". On the bottom left of the screen, subtitles type in "Zurg Tower" as the camera shifts upward to reveal the top of the tower, with Zurg's emblem at the center. Hornets fly past the tower as another set of subtitles type in "A very evil place". We then cut to inside the tower itself, where we find Zurg entering the room through a sliding door with smoke billowing out to observe his new henchman, named Agent Z is being built. Little does anyone know, this is actually Warp Darkmatter, who survived the self-destruct explosion of Zurg's Subterranean Outpost back on the Uncharted Moon at the Zeta Quadrant earlier in the movie, although he lost his right arm in the process.]'' :'''Zurg''': Good morning, lackeys! Where's my new henchman? :'''Brain Pod #29''': They are arming him now, sir. :'''Zurg''': Does he have a flamethrower? Remember last time. A flamethrower would've ''really'' come in handy. :''[Two Grubs are seen working on Agent Z's robotic arm, with one welding and the other adjusting.]'' :'''Grub Worker''': Tension feels about right. :'''Grub Welder''': ''[opening his helmet]'' Ah, how are his reflexes? :''[Agent Z's robot hand morphs into a cannon, similar to the Hornets, and he blasts the adjusting Grub into a wall, sending him screaming.]'' :'''Grub Worker''': ''[in pain]'' Not bad. :'''Agent Z''': Thanks. :''[He breaks free from his operating table.]'' :'''Zurg''': A delightful blend of man and machine, with just a naughty touch of lingonberry! I shall call you... Agent Z! :'''Agent Z''': That's stupid. :'''Zurg''': ''[yelling angrily]'' MY MOTHER USED TO CALL ME THAT! :'''Brain Pod #29''': ''[nervously]'' You know, he really ''really'' likes that name. :'''Grub Worker''': ''[smiling nervously]'' Yes, he's been saving it for a very evil henchman! :''[Agent Z holds his hands up as Zurg advances on him with his red eyes glowing bright red.]'' :'''Agent Z''': Agent Z, love it! Especially the whole "Z" thing! :'''Zurg''': ''[crossing his arms]'' And-and-and you know what? We'll save a fortune on monogramming. :'''Brain Pod #13''': ''[to Zurg]'' If I could just squeeze you in here. Sir, your Spy Drone is in position. Yeah. Okay. :'''Zurg''': That's Jim-crackin'-dandy! Come, Agent Z. Let us see if my Spy Drone can find this so-called ''"Uni-Mind".'' :''[He laughs evilly as we cut over to the Planet of the Little Green Men, a peaceful city populated by the Little Green Men themselves under a bright blue sky. On the bottom left of the screen, subtitles type in "Œzạ£▪◊βGæ!", then type in "LGM Homeworld" as the camera shifts to the LGMs minding their own business in their daily lives. What they don't know, however, is that Zurg's Spy Drone is spying on them, searching for the Uni-Mind for Zurg to use to conquer the entire universe. Then, an LGM blows a trumpet to signal the other LGMs for the revealing of the Uni-Mind.]'' :'''LGMs''': Ah! :''[Two buildings pop up from the ground and the LGMs walk through the doors, taking them downstairs to an underground theater. Zurg's Spy Drone floats down and takes on an LGM disguise so that the LGMs won't catch it. It follows the Little Green Men down the stairs, where they gather around the stage and point up to the mechanical claw on the ceiling as it comes down while the stage opens up. This references the Crane Game scene at the Pizza Planet restaurant from the first Toy Story film.]'' :'''All LGMs''': Oooh! :'''LGM at Podium''': The Uni-Mind! :''[The claw lifts up the Uni-Mind from underneath and the LGMs and the drone gaze at the yellow-orange and green orb in awe.]'' :'''LGMs''': ''[in a trance]'' Aaaahh. :'''LGM at Podium''': We are one. :''[He hugs the Uni-Mind and it sparkles and glows with the positive energy, then a green ring forms around it. The LGMs and the Spy Drone watch it glow and their antennas start wiggling in response.]'' :'''All LGMs''': ''[in a trance]'' We are one. Oooohhh. :''[Zurg observes this from his TV screen and reaches his hand out to it as it statics.]'' :'''Zurg''': I must have this Mystical Orb. This Uni-Mind! ''[He turns to Agent Z]'' Launch an immediate assault on the Planet of the Little Green Men! :'''Agent Z''': ''[gleefully]'' Excellent. A chance to use this. :''[He morphs his robotic hand into a flamethrower and ignites it, to Zurg's glee.]'' :'''Zurg''': ''[off-screen, tempted]'' Ooh! The flamethrower! :''[A triangle flies from the left to the right side of the screen, changing the scene back to Star Command as subtitles at the bottom of the screen type in "Star Command" for the second time. Star Cruisers and other ships piloted by Space Rangers are seen flying past Star Command and Capital Planet. We then hear Buzz's voice as he speaks to the LGMs in the Science Bay.]'' :'''Buzz''': ''[off-screen, to the LGMs]'' What's up, fellas? :''[The scene cuts to the inside of the Science Bay itself where another set of subtitles type in "Science Bay". This room is where the Little Green Men develop new weapons and technology, as well as repairing destroyed objects.]'' :'''LGM on the front left''': We heard about your fight with Commander Nebula. :'''Buzz''': Now, it wasn't a-a fight, it was just professional disagreement. And in time, he'll admit that I'm better off alone. :'''LGM on the front left''': We have solved your partner problem! :'''Buzz''': ''[frustrated]'' Not you guys, too. Look, I can't have a "partner problem" because I don't have a partner! :'''LGM on the front left''': ''[in disappointment, hanging his head in sadness as well as the other LGMs]'' But XR is perfect for you. :'''Buzz''': XR? Who's XR? :'''All 6 LGMs''': ''[whispering]'' Yes! :''[The lights in the Science Bay dim down and the scene changes to two other Little Green Men standing in front of the garage door under a spotlight.]'' :'''LGM on the right''': Not "who". ''"What".'' Witness the future of space justice! :'''LGM on the left''': XR! :'''LGM on the right''': The Experimental Ranger! :''[They walk off the stage and the door opens, emitting smoke in the process. First, we see XR's Star Command symbol on his chest, which shines. Then, we see his green eyes lighting up in yellow lights. Finally, we see his wheels for feet, then we see his complete appearance.]'' :'''XR''': ''[his first words in the series, monotone]'' XR, reporting for duty. :''[He rolls forward out of the garage as the door closes and the lights come back on again. Buzz doesn't seem to be too impressed about XR's appearance.]'' :'''Buzz''': Kinda short, isn't he? :''[An LGM compares his size to XR's by putting a hand over his head.]'' :'''LGM''': Hmm. Do you think so? :'''Buzz''': That little robot wouldn't stand a chance against Zurg's forces of evil. :'''All LGMs''': ''[pointing at XR]'' Watch. :''[Beeping noises are heard as the LGMs demonstrate how to rebuild XR should he come apart by using blasters to blow him up in pieces, to Buzz's surprise.]'' :'''Buzz''': ''[off-screen]'' What are you doing?! ''[He winces at the shootings before a car crusher crushes XR's parts except his arm, which is then stomped on by a robo-walker piloted by another LGM.]'' You're, uh, going somewhere with this? :''[The LGMs assemble and repair XR in a quick two seconds. XR's helmet sparkles and shines and a whirring sound is heard, completing the LGMs' demonstration.]'' :'''LGM''': If Zurg blows up XR... :'''All LGMs''': We can put him back together! :'''Buzz''': And, uh, Commander Nebula approved a robot Ranger? ''[He looks at XR closely, then turns back to the LGMs.]'' He hates robots. :''[This refers to the failed XL Project prior to the events of the series as a whole, which wouldn't be revealed until the third episode, "XL". The LGMs look at each other innocently.]'' :'''LGM''': Well, he doesn't exactly know. :'''Commander Nebula''': ''[angry]'' He does now! ''[The LGMs gasp at his sudden arrival. He places his hands on his hips.]'' Hmph! :''[He walks up to the LGMs, who stand in front of XR nervously.]'' :'''Three LGMs''': ''[scared]'' Oh, hello, Commander! :'''Commander Nebula''': So, you went ahead and built that expendable Ranger. :''[Buzz places his hand behind his head and crosses his arms as he watches this confrontation.]'' :'''Middle LGM''': Uh, ''"Experimental"'' Ranger. :'''Commander Nebula''': ''[yells angrily]'' UNAUTHORIZED RANGER! :'''Middle LGM''': Uh... ''[He chuckles nervously as he hands Commander Nebula a clipboard of XR's authorization form.]'' Well, technically, it ''was'' authorized by you. ''[nervously chuckles again]'' :''[Nebula and Buzz look at the authorization form.]'' :'''Off-screen LGM''': We slipped it in with our vacation request. :'''Commander Nebula''': ''[annoyed]'' Craters. ''[Buzz rolls his eyes.]'' They always get me that way. ''[to Buzz]'' I keep tellin' 'em, no bucket of bolts can stand up to a ''real'' Ranger. :'''Buzz''': ''[to the LGMs]'' He's got you there, fellas. :'''LGM with a remote''': ''[pressing a button that makes XR's circuit brain chip appear from the top of his head]'' We thought of that Artificial Intelligence Chip, XR is programmed to watch and learn. :''[XR's eyes blink during his closeup, then we cut to another LGM by Buzz's feet, who elbows his ankle.]'' :'''LGM on the right''': And he'll be learnin' from the best: you. :''[The camera shifts to Buzz's upper body.]'' :'''Buzz''': ''[unsure]'' True, but, uh... I don't know. :'''XR''': I don't know. :'''LGM on the left''': At ''least'' give him a test run as your new partner. :'''Commander Nebula''': ''[angry]'' Lightyear, I already told you! Ranger Nova is your new partner! :'''Buzz''': ''[facepalms in frustration]'' Why won't anybody listen to me?! NO MORE PARTNERS! :'''LGMs''': But, Buzz! :''[Suddenly, they freeze and their antennas wiggle, detecting some evil lurking.]'' :'''Commander Nebula''': What's eatin' them? :'''Buzz''': I've seen this before. It's the "mindlink". :'''LGMs''': Evil! :'''Buzz''': ''[realizing]'' Zurg! :'''All LGMs''': ''[gasp in horror]'' His dark forces invade our homeworld! :'''Buzz''': I'm on my way! :''[He sets off to counterattack the invasion with XR following.]'' :'''XR''': ''[monotone]'' I'm on my way. :''[A triangle flies from the bottom right to the top left of the screen, transitioning to Buzz's rocket as it blasts off into space. In one shot the rocket flies towards the screen where we cut to inside the shuttle where Buzz opens his wrist communicator and talks into it.]'' :'''Buzz Lightyear''': Buzz Lightyear Mission Log. Zurg's dark shadow looms over the... :'''XR''': ''[copying Buzz]'' Buzz Lightyear Mission Log. Zurg's dark shadow looms over the... :''[Buzz and XR look to each other.]'' :'''Buzz Lightyear''': Could you not do that? :'''XR''': ''[copying Buzz]'' Could you not do that? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Buzz''': At ease, Little Green Citizens! Star Command is on the job! :'''LGMs''': Yay! :''[The Hornets, in retaliation, start blasting at Buzz and XR, who spilt up and fire their respective weapons at them over sets of red-orange anime-styled speed lines.]'' :'''XR''': At ease, Little Green Citizens! Star Command is on the job! :''[More explosions occur from nearby a Little Green Man, who sees this and runs away. After the smoke clears, even more Hornets appear and start firing at Buzz and XR again relentlessly.]'' :'''Buzz''': Our work's not done yet, XR! :''[They split up again, this time by flying forwards and backwards while blasting. Agent Z sees this on his screen and contacts Zurg.]'' :'''Agent Z''': Agent Z to Zurg: they sent Lightyear. :'''Zurg''': That's why ''I'' sent ''you''. :'''XR''': Craters! :'''Buzz''': A new player. :''[They fight. Agent Z retreats.]'' :'''Buzz''': We've got him on the run! :'''XR''': We've got him on the… run? :'''Buzz''': He's good. ''[forces Agent Z to ground]'' But ''I'm'' better. XR! :''[Agent Z nearly hits XR, but XR pulls himself to safety]''. :'''XR''': He's good, but I'm better. :'''Buzz''': You ''are'' learning! Now, watch this. ''[He sets his laser at automatic, then slips his hand out of his glove. He and XR then start to slide down the roof.]'' They never see this coming. ''[Suddenly, he sees Agent Z ahead of him, proving his words wrong.]'' Huh? :'''Agent Z''': Saw it coming. :''[Buzz immediately lunges to put his laser glove back on, but Agent Z blasts it at the last second. Because Buzz doesn't have a bazooka inside his Star Command emblem like Warp did at the beginning of the movie, he's left without a weapon.]'' :'''Buzz''': XR! Gun! :'''XR''': XR! Gun! :''[Agent Z shatters XR with an explosive]''. :'''Buzz''': ''[alarmed]'' XR?! :'''XR''': System… malfunction… ''[deactivates]''. :'''Agent Z''': Agent Z to Zurg: the Uni-Mind's all yours. ''[to Lightyear]'' You're good, but I'm better. :'''Buzz''': Buzz Lightyear to Star Command: this is a Priority One Mission Update. The Uni-Mind has been captured, and, we've got a Ranger down. :''[We see the destroyed XR as the screen fades to black, then changes to the Science Bay, where Buzz and the LGMs observe the robot Ranger's remains.]'' :'''Buzz''': ''[to the LGMs]'' You can fix him, right? :'''LGM on the left''': Can we? :'''LGM on the right''': I don't know. :'''LGM on the middle''': We are not one. :'''LGM on the right''': But, we shall try. <hr width=60%> :'''Buzz''': ''[Voice-over]'' ''Buzz Lightyear Personal Log: my brave little robotic partner was reduced to a pile of terrilium carbonic scrap. And yet, the LGMs were rebuilding him. Even without the Uni-mind, those little green guys had the right stuff. Then… came the wrong stuff. Their selection of obsillurae gear was obviously non-regulation. But perhaps, there was a method to their madness. Maybe, just maybe… No. They had lost it. :'''Nebula''': Wow. They really need that Uni-ma-call-it. :'''Buzz''': I don't think they have any idea of what they're doing anymore, Commander. :'''3rd LGM''': What is;–– er;–– this thing? :'''Buzz''': Er… An arm. :'''4th LGM''': Told ya. :'''Commander Nebula''': Blast! Zurg knows the little green guys keep Star Command runnin'! That stinkin' bucket-head. He did this to cripple our operation! :'''Buzz''': No, commander. If that's all Zurg wanted, he could have ''destroyed'' the Uni-Mind. Instead, he had his new lackey, Agent Z, steal it. :'''Commander Nebula''': But why? What's ''he'' gonna do with it? :'''Buzz''': I don't know exactly, but I believe that even now, Zurg is hatching his most diabolical scheme yet. :''[We cut to Planet Z and the Zurg Tower, where we hear Zurg's voice from inside as subtitles at the bottom left type in "Zurg Tower" for the second time in the film. The scene changes to inside the tower itself as another set of subtitles type in "New Home of the Uni-Mind" as the Grubs and Brain Pods observe the Uni-Mind with Zurg watching impatiently from the rails.]'' :'''Evil Emperor Zurg''': This is my most diabolical scheme yet! Assuming that the freak-show, known as my staff, CAN DO ''ONE'' THING RIGHT! :'''Grub''': ''[nervously]'' Of course, my evil emperor. ''[looks around]'' And, uh-uh, who better to give the good news than, uh... ''[He zips away to gather Brain Pod #13, who is holding a clipboard of data.]'' Brain Pod #13! :''[He runs off again as #13 looks back.]'' :'''Brain Pod #13''': Huh? ''[He turns to face Zurg and screams. Zurg crosses his arms impatiently.]'' Okay, hi, uh, Mr. Evil Emperor. How are you? You look terrif- very sinister today. We believe that just as the Unimind connected all the L.G.M.s... it could hopefully allow you to reach out... and ensnare every innocent mind in the Galactic Alliance. You know, a mind slave, evil puppet kind of scenario. :''[We cut back to Zurg, who is having none of #13's news.]'' :'''Emperor Zurg''': You're telling me my plan. I already ''know'' my plan. I made up the plan. It's ''my'' plan. ''[yelling]'' WHAT I ''DON'T'' KNOW, IS HOW ''CLOSE'' YOU ARE TO ''ACCOMPLISHING'' MY PLAN! :'''Brain Pod #13''': ''[nervously; looks at his clipboard]'' Yeah, uh, kind of an outdoor voice there. ''[chuckles nervously]'' Okay. Uh, naturally, the first step is to turn the Uni-Mind from good to evil, but, um, heh, we don't have any idea how. You see, um... :''[At that moment, Zurg's patience runs out and he fires his laser vision at #13, who dodges and speeds away while dropping his clipboard and screaming.]'' :'''Zurg''': ''[angry]'' ''''LAMEBRAIN!'''' If you want something turned evil... turn it evil yourself. That's what Nana Zurg always used to say to me. And she was plenty evil. :''[He sinks his claws into the Uni-Mind; it starts to turn from orange to purple, with ghostly wails and shrieks. Brain Pods #29 and #30 look at a green screen which sparks as they scream.]'' :'''Brain Pod #29''': ''[nervously]'' Ooh! Evil overload! :''[The screams from the Uni-Mind get louder and louder as it turns more and more purple like Zurg. So loud, that in the next scene, Zurg's cape flaps until the screen flashes white. Once the white flash fades, we see the Uni-Mind completely purple, with lightning bolts bouncing off each end. Zurg then starts getting emotional blood as he knows he made his late mother proud.]'' :'''Zurg''': ''[emotionally]'' Nana Zurg would be so proud! :''[A triangle flies from the bottom left to the top right of the screen, transitioning back to Star Command from the hallway outside the Mission Briefing Room, where Booster is continuing to mop the floors clean. Subtitles on the bottom left of the screen type in "Star Command" for the third time in the movie, then "Caution: Wet Floor".]'' :'''Woman on P.A.''': All Rangers to Mission Briefing Room. All Rangers to Mission Briefing Room. :'''Booster''': Hey, fellas. Something going on? :'''Male Space Ranger''': Sorry, can't talk. :'''Female Space Ranger''': Top secret. :'''Booster''': ''[popping his head out to the entrance doors]'' Oh, so, um, you guys need me to empty the wastebaskets or something? :'''Buzz''': ''[patting Booster's back]'' Sorry, Booster. This is Space Ranger Business. :'''Booster''': ''[disappointed]'' Yeah. Space Ranger Business. ''[sighs]''. :''[We then cut to inside the Mission Briefing Room itself, where Commander Nebula briefs missions and assignments to the Rangers. Capital Planet is seen from the window. The Rangers are gathered around a long table with a hologram of Planet Z with Commander Nebula at the end of the table as another set of subtitles type in "Briefing Room".]'' :'''Commander Nebula''': I don't know what Zurg's plannin' on doin' with the Uni-Mind, but I plan on beatin' him to the punch. :'''Buzz''': We're launching a full-scale assault on Planet Z. :'''XR''': Whoa! Full-scale? Buzz, listen to your trusty partner when I say, maybe a little thing I like to call "negotiation". :'''Buzz''': XR? :'''XR''': Now follow me on this, Buzz. Two simple words: "Time share". How many of you love it? Alright. Monday through Wednesday, admittedly, the Galaxy belongs to Zurg. ''But,'' Thursday through Saturday, ''it's ours!'' We alternate Sundays. What do you think? :'''Commander Nebula''': ''[to the LGMs]'' Sweet Mother of Venus, what did you do to him?! :'''Middle LGM''': We, uh, fixed him. :'''Right LGM''': ''[nervously]'' Yeah. I think. :'''Commander Nebula''': ''[yelling off-screen from outside the Briefing Room]'' GET THAT THING OUTTA HERE! :''[The doors open and the LGMs walk out the door while holding XR above their heads.]'' :'''XR''': What'd I say? C'mon! You know the time-share idea is solid, and you're jealous. :''[They pass by Booster.]'' :'''Booster''': What are you guys going with the robot? :'''XR''': Please. "Experimental Ranger". :'''Middle LGM''': Uh, we were looking for ''you,'' Booster! :'''Right LGM''': Yeah, we thought you could use some help! :'''Middle LGM''': Here! You'll love 'im. :'''XR''': I am lovable. :''[We then return to the Mission Briefing Room as Commander Nebula announces his plan of attack against Zurg's forces.]'' :'''Commander Nebula''': Delta Squadron will occupy Zurg's fleet, while Gamma Squadron attacks Planet Z itself. ''[He pauses for a moment.]'' This is no cakewalk. It's a high-risk operation. :''[Mira walks up to the hologram, having apparently learned something against Zurg's defenses.]'' :'''Mira''': Uh, excuse me, Commander. Sorry to interrupt, but I've been studying Zurg's planetary defense matrix and I think a small one-man ship... :'''Buzz''': ''[finishing Mira's sentence]'' Could slip past the defenses unnoticed. :'''Mira''': Exactly! A single Space Ranger could undermine Zurg's evil operation from within. :'''Buzz''': And with the new Alpha-1 prototype, ''I'' could slip in and- :'''Mira''': ''[interrupts angrily]'' Wait a minute, it was ''my'' idea. ''I'' should go! :'''Buzz''': Sorry, but you don't have the field experience to be taking on such a dicey assignment, princess. :'''Mira''': ''[angry, not liking being called "princess" when she's a Space Ranger]'' "Princess"? I am a Space Ranger! :'''Commander Nebula''': ''[to Buzz and Mira, angrily while intervening]'' You know what? You two really should be partners. ''[He angrily shakes them while yelling to get them to stop arguing.]'' 'CAUSE YOU'RE BOTH BIGHEADED SHOWOFFS! :'''Buzz and Mira''': ''[in unison and protest]'' But, Commander! :'''Commander Nebula''': ''[angry]'' ZIP IT! The Alpha-1 is still an experimental spacecraft. NOBODY'S TAKING IT! We're doing this ''my'' way. Star Command will launch a full assault on Planet Z at 0800 hours! :''[Meanwhile, in Star Command's cafeteria, Booster is seen using XR as a floor polisher as two sets of subtitles type in "B Deck Cafeteria" and "Avoid the Meatloaf".]'' :'''XR''': ''[in a bored tone while being pushed back and forth by Booster]'' How long do we have to do this? :'''Booster''': The cafeteria is a high-traffic area. This could take a while. :''[He releases XR's hands and he turns his polishing feet back to his normal feet.]'' :'''XR''': Hey! Here's an idea. We ''ditch'' work and do something fun. :'''Booster''': No way! I would never shirk my duty. Hmph! Buzz would be very disappointed. :'''XR''': ''[turning back to Booster in surprise]'' Buzz? As in "Buzz Lightyear"? :'''Booster''': As if there's any other Buzz. :'''XR''': You know, I used to be Buzz Lightyear's partner. :'''Booster''': ''[amazed]'' Get out! :'''XR''': That's exactly what Commander Nebula said. ''Now'' look at me. ''[gasps as an idea comes to his mind]'' Hey, Booster. How would you like a V.I.P tour of Buzz Lightyear's Star Cruiser? <hr width=60%> :''[Zurg's new mind control ray is a success]'' :'''Zurg''': Another planet, and it's mine! I'm not the man who knows the man! I ''am'' the man! :'''Brain Pod #29''': Uh, about that raise, sir? :'''Zurg''': Please. Once I enslave the universe, I won't need the likes of you. ''[His eyes glow.]'' It'll be all Zurg, all the time! 24/7! Zurgie heaven! :''[A triangle flies from the bottom left to the top right of the screen, transitioning to outer space, where Buzz is chasing Mira in the Alpha-1 with his Star Cruiser]'' :'''Buzz''': Alpha-1, power down your engines. :'''Mira''': ''[on Buzz's screen]'' Buzz, you know my plan can work. I can get past Zurg's defenses. :'''Buzz''': Unfortunately, Mira, the commander doesn't agree with us. ''[He pulls a lever forward as the "Buzz Lightyear of Star Command" theme plays while the Alpha-1 flies to and away from the camera to escape Star Cruiser 42.]'' Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! <hr width=60%> :'''Zurg''': You see, I used the Uni-Mind to link your fellow rangers to my evil. And that's just the beginning. Soon, the entire Galactic Alliance will be under my control. ''[laughs]'' :'''XR''': You know, as a robot, I'm not susceptible to mind control, so, this really isn't an issue for me. :'''Mira Nova''': Yeah, it'll ''be'' your issue when they rip you apart, and sell you for scrap! :'''XR''': ''[horrified]'' Good point. Anybody got a plan? :'''Commander Nebula''': ''[in Zurg's voice]'' Here's one. ''[fires a megacannon]'' :'''Buzz''': Back to the ship, people! <hr width=60%> :'''Nova''': I had no idea a star cruiser could pull a move like that! :'''Buzz''': And neither did Zurg. :'''Zurg''': I'll make a note of it. :'''Nova''': We're surrounded! :'''XR''': You know, the guy's supposed to be some kind of evil genius, and the best he can come up with is a ventriloquist act. What's next? Evil juggling? :'''Zurg''': Farewell, Lightyear. :'''Nova''': They're retreating. :'''Buzz''': But why? :'''XR''': Obviously, my caustic tongue cut 'em to the quick. :'''Booster''': I'm getting a funny energy reading. :'''Buzz''': Mira, check the hull. :''[Mira checks the hull, sees a time-bomb]'' :'''Nova''': ''[worried]'' We've got a bomb! :'''XR and Booster''': ''[alarmed]'' A bomb?! :'''Buzz''': ''[smirks]'' Perfect. :'''Zurg''': At last. For too long, Lightyear has hounded me. ''[Buzz's ship explodes]'' But no more. ''[evilly laughs, thinking Buzz is dead]'' :'''Buzz''': Buzz Lightyear mission log. By launching the ''Alpha One'' at the precise moment of detonation, Zurg believes us to be destroyed. I feel I must pause for a moment of silence in honor of my ship. :'''XR''': Oh, please, Buzz, it was just a hunk of metal. :'''Nova''': Okay, and you are? :'''XR''': In serious need of some personal space. :'''Booster''': So, Buzz, did Zurg win? :'''Buzz''': Not a chance, Booster. I've got Zurg right where I want him. :'''XR''': Yeah? Well, wherever he is, I'll bet he's got legroom. :'''Buzz''': As long as Zurg thinks I'm dead, he won't be looking for me, and that gives me the advantage. <hr width=60%> :'''Buzz''': You three take the ship, find the planets that Zurg hasn't hit yet, and supervise immediate evacuations. :'''Nova''': What about Zurg? :'''Buzz''': He's my problem. :'''Nova''': He's ''everybody's'' problem. :'''Buzz''': Mira, there's only one way for me to finish this mission: Alone. :'''Booster''': But Buzz, that's against the rules. In the Star Command Mission Manual, it clearly states that no ranger is to go into action without backup. I think it's section 6, subsection delta. :'''Buzz''': Actually, it's Section 6, Sub-section ''Gamma.'' :'''XR''': He's right, big guy, Sub-section Delta's the dress code. Incidentally, why ''can't'' we have nose rings? :'''Buzz''': Because nose rings are for punks, little mister! :'''Nova''': Well, if you can take on Zurg alone, I don't see why XR can't get a nose ring. :'''XR''': I was just asking a question, I'm not the one getting a nose ring. :'''Booster''': ''[panicking]'' Then, who's getting a nose ring? ''[gasps]'' ''That's'' why Buzz wants to ditch us. :'''Buzz''': ''[angry]'' I'm not getting a nose ring! Nobody's getting a nose ring! It's against the rules! :'''Mira Nova''': Which apparently, the rules don't apply to you. :'''Buzz''': Of course, they apply to ''me!'' The rules apply to ''everyone!'' :'''Nova''': Great! Then you're not facing Zurg alone, and we'll be your backup. :'''Lightyear''': ''[about to lose it]'' Arrgh! I want the three of you off this planet '''''NOW,''''' and that's an order! :'''XR and Booster''': ''[Scared, saluting]'' Yes, sir! ''[They march back to the Alpha-1. While XR and Booster follow orders, Mira still refuses to listen to Buzz and glares at him.]'' :'''Lightyear''': ''[angry, raising an eyebrow]'' Ranger Nova? :'''Nova''': ''[saluting stubbornly]'' Yes, sir! ''[storms off in a huff]'' :'''Buzz''': ''[angry]'' Thank you. :''[The scene changes to a sewer tunnel, where Buzz watches the Alpha-1 fly out of Planet Z before turning his attention to the Zurg Tower. We then cut to Zurg talking to Brain Pods #13 and #29.]'' :'''Zurg''': Next target and... oh. Who haven't we perverted into a twisted reflection of evil? :'''Brain Pod #29''': A few planets left in the Beta Quadrant remain unperverted, hmm. :'''Zurg''': Ah, bingo! ''[Suddenly a Hornet gets destroyed by a laser blast, startling them.]'' Huh? ''[Another Hornet gets blasted, spooking them some more.]'' Oh! Mother of pearl! ''[Two more Hornets get blown up as we then see Buzz flying up the tower and firing his laser as the "Buzz Lightyear of Star Command" theme plays.]'' Lightyear! :'''Buzz''': Zurg! :''(Buzz flies up the Zurg logo. Then Buzz hovers and aims his arm at Zurg, until Agent Z flies down from above and sends them crashing through a roof of a building.)'' :'''Buzz Lightyear''': (Pants) By the authority of Star Command, I hereby place you under arrest. <hr width=60%> :''[Booster lands on Warp Darkmatter after being ejected from the Alpha 1]'' :'''Warp Darkmatter''': Aren't you the janitor? :'''Booster''': Yep! :'''Darkmatter''': Oh, this is gonna be ''great'' for my rep. :''[Back to Buzz, with his rocket-pack damaged, preventing him from flying, he climbs up to the "Z" emblem of the Tower after latching onto the edge of it. He opens his wrist communicator to communicate with Mira, Booster and XR.]'' :'''Buzz''': Mira, Booster, XR, can anybody read me? Do you copy? I can't make it in time. ''[Zurg looms up from behind him and aims his Ion Blaster at him.]'' It's up to you now. Good luck! :'''Zurg''': Give it up, Lightyear. I win! :'''Buzz''': Evil never wins. Afraid of the dark, Zurg? :'''Nova''': Not today, Zurg! Evil Emperor Zurg, by the authority of Star Command… :'''Booster''': Section 5, Subsection Zeta ''[that's the one about the Evil Emperor!]''… :'''XR''': You are under arrest! :'''Buzz''': Like I said, Evil never wins. :'''Brain Pod''': Firing… :'''Zurg''': You failed, Lightyear! With that final blast, I have enslaved the last of the Galactic Alliance! Wherever you go in the universe, you will hear my voice, mocking you! Evil rules! :'''Buzz''': We're not done yet! Booster! XR! Get up top and take Warp into custody! Mira, you're with me! == Voice cast == * [[Tim Allen]] as Buzz Lightyear ** [[Patrick Warburton]] as Buzz Lightyear (TV version) ===Star Command=== * [[w:Nicole Sullivan|Nicole Sullivan]] as Mira Nova * [[w:Larry Miller|Larry Miller]] as XR * [[w:Stephen Furst|Stephen Furst]] as Booster Munchapper * [[w:Adam Carolla|Adam Carolla]] as Commander Nebula * [[w:Diedrich Bader|Diedrich Bader]] as Warp Darkmatter / Agent Z * Patrick Warburton as Little Green Men * [[w:Kevin Michael Richardson|Kevin Michael Richardson]] as Space Ranger * [[w:Charles Kimbrough|Charles Kimbrough]] as Brain Pod #29, Computer Voice * Cindy Warden as Technician * [[Frank Welker]] as Evil Emperor Zurg, Grubs, Self Destruct, Ranger #1, Rhizomian Man, Cadet Flarn * [[w:Sean Hayes (actor)|Sean Hayes]] as Brain Pod #13 * [[w:Jennifer Bailey|Jennifer Bailey]] as Rhizomian Woman === Andy's Room === * [[w:Jim Hanks|Jim Hanks]] as Woody * [[w:Wallace Shawn|Wallace Shawn]] as Rex * [[w:Andrew Stanton|Andrew Stanton]] as Hamm * [[w:R. Lee Ermey|R. Lee Ermey]] as Sarge * Patrick Warburton as Aliens * [[w:Joe Ranft|Joe Ranft]] as Wheezy == External links == {{wikipedia-inline}} {{Toy Story}} {{Pixar}} [[Category:2000 animated films]] [[Category:2000 computer-animated films]] [[Category:2000s American animated films]] [[Category:American animated TV films]] [[Category:American children's animated space adventure films]] [[Category:American children's animated comic science fiction films]] [[Category:American children's animated science fantasy films]] [[Category:Disney direct-to-video animated films]] [[Category:Traditionally animated films]] [[Category:Buzz Lightyear]] [[Category:Films set on fictional planets]] [[Category:Animated films about robots]] [[Category:American robot films]] [[Category:Animated films about artificial intelligence]] 88qb2rxn76x2tjqcalqwx5cxylv130x 3778962 3778942 2025-07-15T01:09:22Z 2600:4040:2E40:5500:3987:720E:6E5A:A9B5 /* Dialogue */ 3778962 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Buzz Lightyear sculpture of Toy Story Hotel Shanghai.jpg|thumb|Buzz Lightyear mission log. We've searched this gaseous planetoid from top to bottom with no sign of the missing personnel.]] {{DISPLAYTITLE:''Buzz Lightyear of Star Command: The Adventure Begins''}} '''''[[w:Buzz Lightyear of Star Command: The Adventure Begins|Buzz Lightyear of Star Command: The Adventure Begins]]''''' is a 2000 [[w:Disney|Disney]] [[w:animation|animated]] [[w:direct-to-video|direct-to-video]] film that acts as a [[w:pilot|pilot]] to the television series ''[[Buzz Lightyear of Star Command]]''. Canonically this movie inspired the existence of the [[Buzz Lightyear]] toyline. This page combines dialogues from the TV airings and home video releases. == Buzz Lightyear == * To [[infinity]] and beyond! * Not today, Zurg! * Buzz Lightyear mission log. We've searched this gaseous planetoid from top to bottom, with no sign of the missing personnel. * Warp, my friend, procedure is what separates us from the wicked forces of [[chaos]]. * Never judge a moon by its crater. We'd better double-check the dark side. * Hmm... Well, I don't think these are the three ''missing'' Little Green Men. * I'm afraid these three are stowaways. Ah, blast! This won't look good in my report. ''[sees the LGMs wandering off]'' Hey! * This diabolical plot can only be the work of the sworn enemy of the Galactic Alliance: Evil Emperor Zurg! * ''[TV airings version only]'' The story continues on the next episode of "Buzz Lightyear of Star Command". * Stop mocking me! * Buzz Lightyear may end today, but what I believe in will live on: [[hope]], [[freedom]], and [[justice]]. * Team Lightyear reporting for duty, sir! == XR == * You know, the guy's supposed to be some kind of evil genius, and best he can come up with is a ventriloquist act. What's next, evil juggling? * What'd I say? C'mon! You know the timeshare idea was solid, and you're jealous. * Please. "Experimental Ranger". * I ''am'' lovable. * * XR, reporting for duty. == Evil Emperor Zurg == * If you want something turned evil, turn it evil yourself. That's what Nana Zurg always used to say to me, and she was plenty evil. * ''[To Brain Pod #13]'' You're telling me my plan. I already ''know'' my plan. I made up the plan. It's ''my'' plan. ''[Enraged]'' '''''What I don't know is how close you are to accomplishing my plan!''''' * No! My plan! My galaxy! ''['''Zurg's Lackey:''' Uni-mind wave impact in three seconds!]'' Curse you, Buzz Lightyear! * This is my most diabolical scheme yet! Assuming that the freakshow, known as my staff, CAN DO ''ONE'' THING RIGHT! * A delightful blend of man and machine, with just a naughty touch of lingonberry! I shall call you... Agent Z! ['''Agent Z:''' That's stupid.] MY MOTHER USED TO CALL ME THAT! * Your puny Star Command laser is pathetic. Let me show you a ''real'' weapon! The Zurgatronic Ion Blaster! * I shall destroy your Galactic Alliance. ''[presses his "Z" emblem and it lights up]'' But, first, I shall destroy ''you!'' Well, not personally. Hornets! Destroy Buzz Lightyear! * Prepare to die, Buzz Lightyear! * Tell me of your mindlink! Tell me your secret! * I must have this Mystical Orb. This Uni-Mind! Launch an immediate assault on the Planet of the Little Green Men! * Proper torture requires the personal touch. Or if you got it. * Nana Zurg would be so proud! * ''"Zurgatronic",'' you lackwit! * Did you make sure that the plus end went to the plus part, AND THE MINUS END WENT TO THE MINUS PART?! * Miss him now?! * I'll admit that in the past, you've been a formidable foe. But since you "lost" your dear partner, you have been off your game. * Nana Zurg would be so proud! == Warp Darkmatter/Agent Z == * Come on, buddy. Nobody ever reads those reports. * Ah, Buzz. If it means less paperwork, I'll take chaos. * Now, you're just tryin' to freak us out. * What ''PLOT?!'' You think Zurg is behind every kitten stuck up a tree! * All I know is we've searched half of the Zeta Quadrant to find the missing LGMs and what do we find?! A lot of nothing! * Soft underbellies, eh? Let's see how ticklish. * Agent Z, love it! Especially the whole "Z" thing! * Excellent. A chance to use this. * Agent Z to Zurg. They sent Lightyear. * Saw it coming. * Agent Z to Zurg. The Uni-Mind's all yours. * You're good. But ''I'm'' better. * You haven't won 'til Lightyear's out of the picture. * I never thought it would be so easy. * Not that. Lightyear. * Not bad, Lightyear. I should've seen that one coming. * Aw, come on, buddy. That's no way to treat your partner. * Surprised? * ''[After revealing his identity as Agent Z to Buzz]'' My name's DARKmatter; who's surprised here? * Welcome to the team, partner. * Have you blown a circuit?! * Oh, this is gonna be ''great'' for my rep. * Get back here! Hey! Release me! ''HEY!'' I'm Zurg's number one agent! * What, you're gonna jump?! Are you crazy?! * She's a goner. == Dialogue == :''[After the Walt Disney Pictures and Pixar Animation Studios logos in the VHS and DVD home video releases, or after the intro sequence on TV airings, the screen fades from black and into Andy's bedroom following the events of "Toy Story 2", starting the events of this movie. Andy's Playskool monitor is on and Sarge's voice is heard.]'' :'''Sarge''': ''[on the Playskool monitor]'' V.H.S., this is Beta! We've got the package. ''[Rex comes in all pumped up and excited.]'' We're comin' home! :'''Rex''': ''[excitedly, to the other toys]'' Hey, everybody! It's here! ''It's here!'' :'''Woody''': ''[coming from behind the toy chest]'' It's here? Well, it's about time! :''[He then notices Sarge and his Green Army Men marching into the room with a VHS copy of "Buzz Lightyear of Star Command: The Adventure Begins". It looks just like the American VHS copies of said movie in real life.]'' :'''Sarge''': ''[marching]'' Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! :'''Squeeze Toy Aliens''': Ooh! :''[Rex charges into them and they squeak as they bounce around.]'' :'''Rex''': ''[excitedly]'' Ahh! It's the new action-packed Buzz Lightyear movie! :'''Sarge''': ''[still marching]'' Hup, 2, 3, 4! ''[He and his men place the VHS case into position.]'' Alright, move it out! :''[The toys walk up to the TV to watch the movie like the rest of us.]'' :'''Rex''': Somebody put in the tape! Put it in! My tiny arms can't reach! :'''Woody''': Okay, okay. Hold your horses, Rex. :''[He tries to open the VHS case, but it feels too heavy for him, in contrast to how easy it is for a human to open such a case.]'' :'''Rex''': Put it in! :'''Woody''': Gosh. It's stuck. ''[Rex screams, but then the sheriff eventually opens the case. This starts the "just kidding" running gag of the "Toy Story" sequence.]'' Just kidding. :''[Rex sighs in relief as Buzz and Jessie walk up to them.]'' :'''Toy Buzz''': Let me take a look at that. ''[He looks at the tape and whistles in amazement.]'' A "Buzz Lightyear" movie! :'''Woody''': Heh, what do you know? You don't look so fat when they draw you ''that'' way. :''[Buzz is embarrassed at this, while Jessie couldn't help giggling.]'' :'''Toy Buzz''': ''[laughs sarcastically]'' Let's watch it! :'''Rex''': ''[excited]'' Yes, please! Quick! Quick! :'''Woody''': Buzz, we're not gonna watch the ''whole'' thing. We just wanna see all the commercials at the beginning. :'''Rex''': What?! :'''Toy Buzz''': He's kidding, Rex. :''[Woody takes the VHS cassette out of the case and into the VCR under the tv screen.]'' :'''Wheezy''': Excuse me, Mr. Lightyear. You oughta sign that tape. It might be worth somethin' someday. :'''Rex''': He can sign it later! ''[to Woody, who is having a hard time inserting the VHS tape into the VCR player]'' Put it in! Put it in! :'''Woody''': ''[struggling]'' Darn thing's jammed. :'''Rex''': Jammed?! Oh, I can't stand the suspense! I can't! I just, I... Oh! :''[He faints and falls unconsciously on his back, startling the other toys.]'' :'''Hamm''': Oh boy! :'''Toy Buzz''': Rex! :'''Woody''': Gee, maybe we went too far. :'''Rex''': ''[recovering]'' Ha-ha! Just kidding! :'''Hamm''': ''[laughs]'' Good one, Rex. ''[turns on the tv with the remote]'' Very good. :''[The toys start to watch the movie as the screen zooms into the tv as the Buzz Lightyear icon flies to the center of the screen, then the popular "Buzz Lightyear" wordmark appears, then "of Star Command" follows, and, on VHS and DVD home video releases, the "Disney/Pixar" and "The Adventure Begins" appear in the top and bottom at the same time. The "Buzz Lightyear of Star Command" opening theme song plays for a moment, then the title card flies away, revealing the next scene of a background of outer space, in the form of a computer database. We soon hear Buzz's voice as he narrates his work as a Star Command Space Ranger for the Galactic Alliance's Universe Protection Unit.]'' :'''Buzz Lightyear''': ''[narrating]'' This is the universe. I work here. ''[His ID with his personal info appears on the screen.]'' Name's Lightyear, ''Buzz'' Lightyear. I'm a Space Ranger. ''[The screen changes to his partner, named Warp Darkmatter's ID info page with his personal info.]'' My partner Warp Darkmatter and I work out of Star Command's Universe Protection Unit. At 0800 hours, the report came in. :''[The screen changes to a red "Mission Assignment" warning, showing three Little Green Men circled, the latter three having gone missing.]'' :'''Female Computer Voice''': Missing: Three Little Green Men. Last seen: Star Command Science Bay. ''[Yellow letters from the top of the screen say "Little Green Men" as a red arrow flies to the right, with the word "MISSING" under each circle, then the two arrows fly up and the yellow letters change to "Mission Priority: Alpha Prime".]'' Alpha mission objective: Locate LGMS A.S.A.P. :''[An opening iris reveals an Uncharted Moon on a purple sky part of the galaxy known as the Zeta Quadrant.]'' :'''Buzz''': ''[narrating]'' We'll find and rescue these Little Green Men, even if we must go to infinity... and beyond. :''[The scene fades into a purple fog, which clears up to reveal parts of the Uncharted Moon as purple smoke emit from volcanos in a rocky mountain as the first set of subtitles of the movie type in "Zeta Quadrant". A cloud of purple smoke passes by to reveal another part of the planet with a rocket from the distance as a second set of subtitles type in "Uncharted Moon". As the camera zooms slowly in towards the rocket, more volcanoes emit more purple smoke until the screen is completely covered, before clearing to reveal the captain of Star Command, Buzz Lightyear from the back of his head, until he turns around and starts talking into his wrist communicator.]'' :'''Buzz''': Buzz Lightyear mission log. We've searched this gaseous planetoid from top to bottom with no sign of the missing personnel. ''[As he speaks, he activates his missing LGM hologram showing the three missing Little Green Men. He then closes his wrist communicator before being startled by bright lights and a loud car horn honk, causing him to put his hand over his eyes to see who startled him from behind.]'' Hey! :''[The scene changes to the driver of a Star Command space buggy, who is none other than Buzz's partner, Warp Darkmatter.]'' :'''Warp Darkmatter''': Come on, buddy. ''[turns off the buggy's lights]'' Nobody ever reads those reports. :'''Buzz''': ''[walking up to his partner]'' Warp, my friend, procedure is what separates us from the wicked forces of chaos. :''[A pair of goggles appear from the back of his neck and he applies them to look around for the missing LGMs.]'' :'''Warp''': Ah, Buzz. If it means less paperwork, I'll take chaos. ''[He gets back in the driver's seat of the space buggy and straps on his seat belt, then groans impatiently for Buzz to climb aboard.]'' Oh, man. Give it up, partner. This rock's as dead as it looks. :'''Buzz''': ''[taking off the goggles and they slide back behind him]'' Never judge a moon by its crater. We'd better double check the dark side. :'''Warp''': ''[smirks]'' I'll drive. :''[He drives the space buggy through the planet as a dramatic OST plays. While Warp drives, the buggy flies off a ramp and falls over a set of cyan anime-styled speed lines, with Buzz and Warp not looking too worried about it, but then get startled by the sudden screams of three LGMs that have stowed away in search of their missing comrades. The buggy then lands and Warp stops the buggy.]'' :'''Warp''': Well, mission accomplished. ''[He opens his wrist communicator and activates his missing LGM hologram.]'' Three LGMs disappeared, we just found three LGMs. :'''Buzz''': ''[looking at Warp's hologram of the missing LGMs, unsure]'' Hmm... Well, I don't think these are the three ''missing'' Little Green Men. :'''Warp''': ''[closes his wrist communicator]'' Sure, not anymore. :'''Buzz''': I'm afraid these three are stowaways. ''[The stowaway LGMs exit the space buggy and wander off to find their missing comrades.]'' Ah, blast! This won't look good in my report. ''[He then notices the LGMs wandering off and gasps.]'' Hey! :'''LGMs''': Must save the lost ones! :'''Warp''': ''[running up to the LGMs]'' Whoa, whoa, whoa. ''[stands in front of the LGMs, stopping them]'' We'll find your amigos, boys. Just not here. :'''Middle LGM''': Here! :'''Buzz''': How can you be so sure? :'''LGMs''': Mindlink. :'''Warp''': ''[crossing arms]'' Oh, come on. :'''LGMs''': ''[antennas wiggling]'' Evil! :'''Darkmatter''': Now, you’re just trying to freak us out. :'''Buzz''': No, it’s my worst fear come true. :'''Warp''': Here we go. :'''Buzz''': This diabolical plot can only be the work of the sworn enemy of the Galactic Alliance: Evil Emperor Zurg. :'''Darkmatter''': What plot?! You think Zurg is behind every kitten stuck up a tree! :'''Buzz''': The fiend! Why can't he leave kitty-cats out of his nefarious schemes? :'''Darkmatter''': All I know is, we searched half the Zeta Quadrant to find the missing LGMs, and what do we find?! A lot of nothing! ''[notices Buzz's horrified expression]'' There's something really bad behind me, isn't there? :''[A snake-like creature called a "Crater Viper" emerges behind Warp and prepares to attack him.]'' :'''Buzz''': Crater Viper! Look out! ''[He charges into Warp to get both Rangers out of harm's way and they tumble down the mountain. They then get up and prepare their lasers.]'' Strange. Crater Vipers never hunt in packs. :'''Warp''': ''[off-screen]'' Tell ''them'' that! :''[They both fire their lasers at the Crater Vipers' mouths. Buzz then turns around and fires at another crater viper in the mouth. Said Crater Viper roars in pain and charges down in retaliation. We then go to Warp firing his wrist laser at the snake-like monsters when another Crater Viper rises behind him, taking him by surprise. Luckily, Buzz fires a laser beam at that crater viper's mouth, saving Warp.]'' :'''Warp''': Thanks, partner. :'''Buzz''': ''[smirks at him as to say, "you're welcome", then continues shooting alongside Warp]'' Looks like this moon's not so dead after all! :'''Warp''': ''[while shooting]'' Give me a minute. It will be. :''[While Buzz and Warp continue to open fire, the stowaway Little Green Men continue to wander off as they walk past the two Space Rangers and a Crater Viper crashes behind them.]'' :'''LGMs''': ''[off-screen]'' The lost ones! :'''Buzz''': ''[takes notice of the LGMs wandering off]'' What are you doing? ''[He ducks under a swinging crater viper arm to dodge the attack.]'' Ooh! :'''LGM''': This way. :''[A crater viper crashes into a hole, missing the LGMs and then turns the other way. Next scene, another crater viper surrounds Warp as he fires, who grunts and shoots at the same crater viper. The camera then cuts to the LGMs walking into a crater as two crater vipers attack them, but miss. A third crater viper ducks down at the Little Green Men and roars at them and attacks, but also misses and crashes into the ground. In another shot, Buzz shoots down a crater viper and runs towards the LGMs to protect them, but gets grabbed by another crater viper from behind with its arms as it roars. Next shot, a 3rd crater viper looks down at the LGMs and roars. Buzz sees this and breaks free from the second Crater Viper's grip by pressing the big red circle button on the left side of his suit, activating his wingspan jetpack and flies towards the LGMs to protect them from the other crater viper, who sees him flying in between the two parties as the "Buzz Lightyear of Star Command" theme plays. Buzz's wings close once he gets close to the ground and he slides across on his back and opens fire at the aforementioned Crater Viper while blocking the LGMs from its attacks. The crater viper roars in pain as it gets hit by laser beams into its mouth. In the next shot, Warp fires at four Crater Vipers. Buzz shouts at him from off-screen.]'' :'''Buzz''': ''[off-screen]'' Warp, hit 'em from below! :'''Warp''': Soft underbellies, eh? ''[He presses the red circle on his spacesuit and activates his own wingspan. He flies up and a Crater Viper attempts to attack him, but misses. Next scene, he presses his Star Command icon symbol and pulls out a bazooka.]'' Let's see how ticklish. :''[The camera focuses on his hand as he blasts at the army of Crater Vipers in his sight. We then cut over to the Crater Vipers going back to their holes to reveal that they were actually a one-eyed rock monster's fingers! This mutant monster is called a "Crater Viper Slag Monster Mutant".]'' :'''Buzz''': ''[off-screen]'' Of course! I should've guessed! A Crater Viper Slag Monster Mutant! :''[The Crater Vipers roar with the monster mutant as Buzz and Warp look on in horror.]'' :'''Buzz''': The LGMs! :'''Warp Darkmatter''': ''[off-screen]'' Are they insane?! :''[The Little Green Men walk up to the mutant monster as it growls. It then attacks them using the Crater Vipers.]'' :'''LGMs''': Must save the lost ones! :''[Buzz and Warp suddenly fly down from behind them. Warp grabs one LGM while Buzz grabs two LGMs. They then fly up to safety.]'' :'''Warp''': ''[while holding one LGM]'' Can't you just... :'''Buzz''': ''[while holding the other two LGMs under his arms]'' Warp, Gemini split, now! :''[The camera flies into a crater viper's opening mouth, but in the next shot, Buzz and Warp dodge it by doing the Gemini split. Buzz then jumps off another crater viper's nose before flying up to a nearby cliff where Warp is with the third LGM. While Warp talks with the LGM he was holding, Buzz lands and puts down the other two LGMs he was holding.]'' :'''Warp''': Any reason you were looking to shake hands with a beast from 20,000 craters? :'''LGMs''': ''[walking to the edge of the cliff and pointing at the mutant]'' The lost ones are there! :''[Buzz and Warp follow them and look down to where they're pointing.]'' :'''Warp''': Oh, well, then I'd say they're the dead ones now. ''[The mutant looks up to them and growls angrily at them.]'' Let's get out of here. :''[Buzz looks depressed, as if he would have to agree that the mission had failed, but then, he gets an idea.]'' :'''Buzz''': Ha! I'm goin' in! ''[activates his wingspan]'' Follow my lead! :''[He jumps off the edge of the cliff and flies down. Warp activates his own jetpack and follows his partner.]'' :'''Warp''': I hope you have a plan! :'''Buzz''': ''[while flying]'' No more so than usual. :''[He presses the yellow square button on the right side of his suit and launches two grappling hooks from the top of his jetpack's thrusts over two sets of anime-styled speed lines. He tangles the Crater Vipers with them and Warp does the same with his own grappling hooks, having pressed the yellow square button on his own spacesuit.]'' :'''Warp''': ''[while hovering]'' Now what? :'''Buzz''': Full throttle! Hit it! :''[They both press the blue square button on their spacesuits and fly at twice the usual speed of their wingspan jetpacks over a third set of anime-styled speed lines. The "Buzz Lightyear of Star Command" theme plays triumphantly as Buzz and Warp fly up as the mutant monster watches them fly up as his fingers are also getting raised up. The LGMs walk away from the edge of the cliff in the next scene, then in another shot, the Crater Vipers start choking due to not being able to breathe as Buzz and Warp struggle to fly further up. The mutant starts growling and rocks from underneath him start to crumble.]'' :'''Buzz''': ''[struggling to fly up]'' The lost ones aren't in it! ''[The monster mutant gets lifted off the ground a little bit to reveal part of Zurg's Subterranean Outpost hideout.]'' They're ''under'' it! Not...enough...power! ''[The scene changes to the top of a rocky mountain with a flat edge.]'' Alright, new plan! Above us! :''[Buzz and Warp aim their wrist lasers at the bottom of the edge and shoot at it, causing one of the LGMs to wobble.]'' :'''LGM''': ''[starting to wobble]'' Whoa! :''[Another LGM grabs his arm and pulls him back up to safety. The mutant monster sees the giant falling rock and Buzz and Warp detach their cables by pressing the yellow square button on their spacesuits and they both fly through an open hole of the rock, which acts as a tunnel for them to fly through.]'' :'''Buzz''': ''[grunting]'' Whoa! :''[The Crater Viper Slag Monster Mutant gets crushed by the debris as Buzz and Warp fly out of a cloud caused by the wreckage.]'' :'''Warp''': That was your plan? :'''Buzz''': Most of it. Where are the LGMs? :'''Warp''': ''[sighs and points down]'' Take a guess. :''[Both Space Rangers hover down and land behind where the Little Green Men are standing. They point at Zurg's hideout.]'' :'''LGMs''': Zurg. :'''Buzz''': I knew it. :''[The camera flies down to reveal Zurg's Subterranean Outpost. The top of the outpost hideout has Zurg's logo on the top. We then go inside Zurg's outpost and slowly move across electric machinery until we find the three missing Little Green Men in a sensory deprivation tank filled with water as subtitles on the bottom left of the screen type in "ZURG'S SUBTERRANEAN OUTPOST". Next scene, we see Brain Pod #29 turning up a dial as another set of subtitles type in "TORTURE DIVISON".]'' :'''Missing LGMs''': ''[yelling in pain]'' Ow! Oh! Ow! ''OW!'' Ow! :''[The sliding doors suddenly open, startling Brain Pod #29 as he fears that it could be Zurg, but as the gas settles, it is revealed to be another Brain Pod, named Brain Pod #13, much to Brain Pod #29's relief as he sighs.]'' :'''Brain Pod #13''': Anything? :'''Brain Pod #29''': No. :'''Brain Pod #13''': Oh, he's not gonna like this! :''[He suddenly gasps as the sliding doors open again, only this time as the gas settles, a Grub enters the room.]'' :'''Grub''': Anything? :'''Brain Pod #29''': No. :'''Grub''': Ooh, he's not going to like this! ''[He walks back through the sliding doors, but then abruptly returns, frightening Brain Pod #29.]'' Uh, what should I tell him? :'''Brain Pod #29''': We have proven that the Little Green Men think and feel as one. We... ''[chuckles nervously]'' just don't know how. :'''Grub''': ''[worried]'' Oh, he's not gonna like this at all! :''[The sliding doors close again, and Brain Pod #29 has a stern look on his face. The sliding doors open for the third time, and Brain Pod #29 is rather annoyed this time, expecting that Grub worker again.]'' :'''Brain Pod #29''': ''[annoyed]'' Oh, now what?! :''[But, to his and everyone else's shock and horror, not only has the Grub appeared again, but also the Evil Emperor Zurg himself! He is squeezing the Grub by his metal hand.]'' :'''Grub''': ''[while being choked]'' He, uh, he didn't like it. :''[Zurg drops the Grub and enters the room.]'' :'''Brain Pod #13''': ''[scared, stammering, talking quickly]'' Evil Emperor Zurg! Hi, how are you? The torture tank is good to go here as you can see, and I... :'''Zurg''': Silence! :''[He swats Brain Pod #13 aside, whacking him to a wall.]'' :'''Brain Pod #13''': My bad. :''[Zurg opens his hand, sharpening his claws and pierces them into the tank, making a painful glass scratching noise as he slides his hand down. The room then floods with water and it hits the Brain Pods.]'' :'''Missing LGMs''': ''[amazed]'' Ooh. ''[Zurg suddenly rips them out of the tank from the cords of their helmets.]'' Whoa! :'''Zurg''': Proper torture requires the personal touch. ''[He powers up an electric ball from the finger of his other hand.]'' Or if you got it. :''[He shocks the LGMs with the electric ball.]'' :'''Missing LGMs''': OW! ''[Zurg laughs evilly.]'' We... are one. ''[Zurg zaps them again.]'' Ooh! :''[Zurg lets out another evil laugh.]'' :'''Missing Little Green Man 1''': We will never talk! :'''Missing LGM 3''': Do your worst! :'''Zurg''': My plan exactly. :''[He shocks the LGMs again as they scream in pain. Meanwhile, Buzz tries to use his laser to melt the door, but it turns out to be laser proof.]'' :'''Buzz Lightyear''': Blast! Laser-resistant diabonic alloy. :'''Warp Darkmatter''': ''[pats Buzz's shoulder]'' Let me try. :''[He walks up to the entrance and cleverly presses his back against the wall and knocks on the door, waiting for it to open behind him. The Grub from earlier opens the door, but doesn't notice Warp from behind.]'' :'''Grub''': Yes? :''[Warp slams the door, sending the Grub flying and crashing as he can also be heard groaning. Warp re-opens the door to allow Buzz to pass.]'' :'''Warp Darkmatter''': After you. :''[Buzz enters, but as he walks in the doorway, a voice from an LGM stops him as the stowaway LGMs also enter the hideout from behind him.]'' :'''LGM''': Excuse us. Coming through. :'''Buzz''': Get back in the ship and wait. :'''LGMs''': No! :'''Buzz''': Now, I know this is personal for you, but I must insist. :'''LGMs''': No! :'''Buzz''': Okay, we're getting into a chain of command area here, so really... :'''LGMs''': We feel the pain! Oh! :'''Buzz''': Oh, oh, oh, right. ''[to Warp]'' It's their mindlink thing. :'''Warp''': How ''do'' you do that, anyway? :'''LGMs''': ''[pant]'' The Uni-Mind. :'''Warp''': Uni-Mind? :'''Buzz''': The Mystical Orb that links all of LGM-kind. It's on their home world. Of course, that's need to know, classified. :''[Next scene, Buzz and Warp are lined up against a wall by the sliding door with Buzz on the left and Warp on the right. Both Space Rangers are warming up their wrist lasers.]'' :'''Warp''': I'm your partner. I need to know. :'''Buzz''': Now you do. :'''Warp''': Anything else I should know? :'''Buzz''': No, I'd say you're up to speed. :'''Warp''': Okay, thank you. :''[Buzz presses a button that opens the sliding door and he and Warp peek through the doorway and aim their lasers. The next shot shows the missing LGMs strapped to chairs by Zurg.]'' :'''Zurg''': Tell me of your mindlink! Tell me your secret! :'''Missing LGMs''': Never! :'''Zurg''': Oh. I'll just have to ''pick'' your brains. ''[chuckles evilly, then shouts for his Cranial Dissect-A-Bot]'' Where's my Cranial Dissect-A-Bot?! :''[The Dissect-a-bot appears behind Zurg as he laughs evilly, and is about to drill their heads, but fortunately, a laser beam fired by Buzz destroys it, causing Zurg to duck down from the explosion. The missing LGMs also scream and turn away, but then open their eyes to see someone.]'' :'''Zurg''': Whoa! :'''Missing LGMs''': Aaah! ''[they see Buzz]'' Ooh. :''[Zurg looks to the sliding doors to see his arch nemesis, Buzz Lightyear, entering the room by jumping out of the doorway, doing a flip and landing while aiming his wrist laser at the Evil Emperor.]'' :'''Zurg''': Ah, Lightyear. :'''Buzz''': Evil Emperor Zurg, by the authority of the Galactic Alliance, you are hereby charged with attempted dissection of Star Command personnel! :'''Zurg''': I shall destroy your Galactic Alliance. ''[presses his "Z" emblem and it lights up]'' But first, I shall destroy ''you!'' ''[As he talks, yellow robots called Hornets appear in the room by falling from the ceiling doors.]'' Well, not personally. Hornets! Destroy Buzz Lightyear! :''[The Hornets stand up as they transform and morph their arms into machine guns as Buzz finds himself surrounded. A platform comes down from the ceiling where the torture tank holding the missing Little Green Men was set up, and lands close to Zurg. The Hornets then begin to open rapid fire at Buzz, shooting all over the room. Buzz destroys a few off-screen Hornets, and as the battle rages on, Zurg gets onto the platform that flies him to the ceiling as his exit to escape from Buzz.]'' <hr width=60%> :'''Zurg''': Prepare to die, Buzz Lightyear! :'''Buzz''': Not today, Zurg! :''[He tries to shoot down Zurg's platform, but the Evil Emperor gets away and reaches the black hole in the ceiling, fleeing from the outpost. Despite this, Buzz still frees the missing Little Green Men from their metal straps on their restraint chairs with his wrist laser.]'' :'''Missing LGM 1''': ''[metal strap opens]'' Ooh! :'''Missing LGM 2''': ''[metal strap opens]'' Ooh! :'''Missing LGM 3''': ''[metal strap opens]'' Ooh! :''[Buzz jumps and dodges rolls from the Hornets' gunfire and fires his laser at four Hornets, blowing them all up. He then activates his jetpack.]'' :'''Buzz''': Hop on! :''[The missing LGMs jump onto Buzz's wings and ride on Buzz as he takes off and flies around the room shooting the Hornets and destroying them as the LGMs scream as they fly at high speed. One of the Hornets manages to shoot an LGM off and he falls, but Buzz quickly flies down and catches him in his arms. Warp then appears by riding Zurg's escape platform down and crushes four Hornets underneath, destroying them.]'' :'''Warp''': Backup? :''[Buzz flies down to Warp and lands next to him, then he puts the LGM he was holding down and the other two LGMs dismount Buzz's wings and he deactivates his wingspan.]'' :'''Buzz''': Always a dramatic entrance, Warp. Let's go after Zurg! :'''Zurg''': ''[on TV]'' Not today, Lightyear, for I started the self-destruct sequence on my way out. It is a ''Moon of Doom'' now. ''[Laughs evilly]'' :'''Man on P.A.''': Self-destruct in sixty seconds. :'''Buzz''': Sixty seconds? :'''Warp''': All the time in the world. :''[Zurg's Hornets start blasting again.]'' :'''Missing LGMs''': Uh-oh! :''[Buzz and Warp also start firing again, destroying two Hornets in the process.]'' :'''Buzz''': ''[while shooting]'' Get to the ship! Blast off! :'''Missing LGMs''': ''[worried]'' But, Buzz! :'''Buzz''': ''[while firing his laser with Warp]'' That's an order! We'll meet you in orbit! :''[Without hesitation, all six Little Green Men evacuate and head back to the ship as ordered by Buzz.]'' :'''Man on P.A.''': Self-destruct in forty five seconds. :'''Zurg''': ''[on TV]'' Farewell, Lightyear! This time, you shall not escape! :''[He laughs evilly, but his taunt is cut off by Buzz as he blasts the TVs with his laser.]'' :'''Buzz''': ''[while shooting]'' Just watch me, Zurg! :''[Buzz and Warp continue shooting and blasting down the Hornets. They both fire their lasers at two of the Hornets, which crash into a third Hornet and into a generator power supply, destroying all four of them and the room starts to collapse, causing the hideout to begin burning. A few firework whistles are heard as Buzz looks around, then is knocked forwards by an explosion coming from the roof. He gets up and notices a support about to fall on top of him and he quickly jumps out of the way and takes out the last two Hornets.]'' :'''Buzz''': Come on, Warp! It's time to blow this rock! :''[He activates his jetpack and runs up, but doesn't take off as he hears Warp grunting in pain. He's been crushed by the heavy debris and is stuck. Buzz tries to get his partner out by lifting up the debris so he can crawl out, but to no avail.]'' :'''Man on P.A.''': Self-destruct in ten seconds. :'''Warp''': Get out of here! :'''Buzz''': No! :''[He tries to pull Warp out of the debris.]'' :'''Warp''': Go! :'''Buzz''': ''[while struggling]'' We're partners! :'''Man on P.A.''': Self-destruct in five... :'''Warp''': I said, "GO"! :''[He slams Buzz's jetpack button and watches him blast off into orbit, out of the outpost.]'' :'''Buzz''': ''[shouting while flying up]'' WARP! :''[As he flies up, Buzz tries to fly back to Warp as time runs out. Warp gives a farewell grin as Buzz flies to him, knowing he'll be too late.]'' :'''Man on P.A.''': Four, three, two, one. :''[The camera focuses on Buzz as he stops flying and flinches at the explosion down below. We then see Buzz's shadow as he watches the explosion and gets covered in a cloud of smoke. As soon as the smoke settles, the scene changes to the outside of the main base of operations of Star Command, the Star Command Space Station, orbiting a planet known as Capital Planet, the headquarters of the Galactic Alliance. On the bottom left of the screen, subtitles type in "Star Command". The screen fades and the camera slowly flies across the Star Command symbol. The screen then fades to Buzz without his helmet on for the rest of the movie, and is standing on a podium giving a tragic eulogy of Warp in front of six Little Green Men and all of the other Space Rangers who work at Star Command. The camera shows a closeup of him and he hangs his head in sadness, and love, relief, and pride.]'' :'''Buzz''': Space Ranger Warp Darkmatter sacrificed himself for the success of his mission. For the safety of his fellows. I... miss him very much. :''[The six LGMs also hang their heads in sadness and love. As sad and love music plays in the background, the screen fades to Buzz looking at a hologram of him and Warp catching their first suspects.]'' :'''Buzz''': ''[voice-over, narrating]'' Buzz Lightyear personal log. In his crazed attempt to destroy me, Zurg has robbed the universe of a good man. ''[He press the backspace button and deletes "WARP DARKMATTER" from his deceased partner's locker.]'' My partner. My friend. ''[He walks down the halls in sadness.]'' On this day I vow no ranger will ever again fall in harm's way because of me. ''[As soon as he says that, the screen fades to black while he says the last words for this scene during the black background.]'' I... work... alone. <hr width=60%> :''[The scene changes to the training room called the Training Deck, where Space Rangers train and hone their skills against a variety of obstacles, ranging from robots to lasers. Among the group of rookie Space Rangers in training is a red-haired, blue-skinned female ranger named Mira Nova from the planet Tangea. On the bottom left of the screen, subtitles type in "Training Deck".]'' :'''Woman on P.A.''': Commander Nebula, report to training deck. :''[We see Commander Zeb Nebula walk in. First, we see his peg-leg, then the camera flies up to reveal the rest of his on-screen appearance. Commander Nebula is the head and founder of Star Command.]'' :'''Commander Nebula''': Yeah, yeah, way ahead of ya. ''[groans, then turns behind him and grabs the mic and talks to one of the Space Rangers.]'' Cadet Flarn, watch your tail, son! :'''Cadet Flarn''': ''[fires his laser and then hears what Commander Nebula said]'' Hmm? :''[He turns around to discover a robot from behind him and grabs his tail and he yells in pain as he gets slammed to a wall. Flarn then gets splattered by a gravity-defying goo gun and the goo levitates him up through a hole in the ceiling. The gun then shoots at another flying ranger as he tries to avoid them, but gets hit. Mira flies by as Commander Nebula speaks over the intercom.]'' :'''Commander Nebula''': ''[over the intercom]'' You people try that kind of hotdogging in the field, and you're space dust! :''[Buzz slides down a tube and lands in front of the commander and salutes.]'' :'''Buzz''': ''[salutes]'' Commander Nebula. :'''Commander Nebula''': ''[turns back to Buzz, away from the glass window]'' Ah, Lighyear! ''[A rookie ranger screams as he flies into the window and slides down after crashing.]'' I've got something I want you to see. ''[turns back to the window and speaks over the intercom]'' Alright! We're cranking it up to Level 9, people! :''[The alarm sound alerts the Space Ranger trainees.]'' :'''Mira Nova''': Bring it on. ''[More goo guns are lined up, startling her and another female ranger next to her.]'' Huh?! :''[More robots appear and ramps pop out of the wall with 3 Rangers gasping in fear.]'' :'''Buzz''': Level Nine? Commander, they're only rookies. Come on. ''I'' train on Level Nine. :'''Commander Nebula''': I know. :''[Giant bubble-like balls roll from the ramps and a male ranger activates his jetpack to fly away from one. A female ranger also opens her jetpack to take off from the rolling ball that almost traps her. One of the two rangers smiles until they notice red electric nets coming at them, trapping them and two other flying rangers. Mira and three other rangers stand together shooting when a trap door suddenly opens from under them and they scream as they fall in. Mira escapes while the other three rangers are not so lucky as they get shot and trapped by the green lasers and float up to the ceiling. A male ranger tries to fly away from a rolling ball, but gets trapped in it and screams as it traps him. A female ranger tries to run as fast as she can to escape from another rolling ball, but she also gets caught and trapped by it and floats up to the ceiling as well as two other rangers who were also caught like bubbles. Three rangers crash into a wall that comes out of the floor and then we cut over to Mira, who gets grabbed by a robot from behind.]'' :'''Mira''': Hey! ''[She shoots the robot and lands on the ground, then looks around to find that she's the only Space Ranger left standing in the Training Deck.]'' Hmm. :''[Buzz is very impressed and nods with approval of her skills. Commander Nebula then speaks over the microphone once again.]'' :'''Commander Nebula''': Level... 10. :''[Upon listening to that, Buzz looks horrified and then a giant robot rises from the floor behind Mira.]'' :'''Mira''': Huh? Oh. ''[sees the robot behind her]'' Oh... Oh... ''[Another robot rises from the floor.]'' Oh-Oh! Okay. :''[A third robot also comes up. She's about to open fire as the three brute-looking robots surround her, but then looks behind her to see a robot head locking onto her. Then, all three robots' chests open, revealing rapid-fire machine guns as they shoot Mira with piles of blue goo as she grunts.]'' :'''Buzz''': Oh! Well, I-I guess we couldn't expect a rookie to... :'''Commander Nebula''': ''[cuts Buzz off]'' Uh! It ain't over. :''[Sure enough, it isn't over just yet. The pool of goo starts to glow and some of the residue in the form of Mira's body floats through the ceiling, but what the robots didn't know was that it was just Mira's suit that floated up and not Mira herself as the Tangean princess uses her Tangean ghosting powers to rise from the floor in her blue and green jumpsuit. She then runs up and jumps into a robot from behind, popping out in the front and ripping out its electric cord. She then jumps off and does a somersault and rips out another robot's electric cord from the front as well. She jumps off and flips again. The middle robot hammerfists the two malfunctioning robots and its head explodes, then the rest of the body falls over. Buzz is deeply amazed at what Mira just did.]'' :'''Buzz''': ''[amazed]'' How did she do that? :''[Mira rises up from inside the robot and dusts off her hands.]'' :'''Commander Nebula''': ''[off-screen]'' She's from the planet Tangea. :'''Buzz''': Of course, Tangean ghosting powers. Excellent. :'''Commander Nebula''': Yeah. Let's see one of Zurg's robots walk through a wall. :''[Mira rises up from behind Buzz and Commander Nebula and salutes them both.]'' :'''Mira''': Ranger Mira Nova reporting for duty, sirs. :'''Buzz''': Mira Nova? ''[remembers something]'' That's a strange coincidence. Isn't that also the name of the heir to the Tangean throne? I met her once. :'''Mira''': You saved my planet once. :'''Nebula''': Buzz, meet your new partner. :'''Buzz''': Partner? :'''Mira''': Sir, what you did for my people, it inspired me to join. :'''Buzz''': No. :'''Mira''': No? :'''Nebula''': No what? :'''Buzz''': No partner. Too risky. :'''Nebula''': Ohh. Look, son, I know you're still torn up about Warp, but next time you're out there... :'''Buzz''': And Zurg aims for me? What's to keep the princess from ending up like Warp? :'''Nebula''': ''[angry]'' '''YEAH? WELL, MAYBE IT'S THE PRINCESS WHO'S KEEPING YOU FROM ENDING UP LIKE WARP!!''' :'''Nova''': Okay, hello? The princess has a name! :'''Buzz''': Yeah, I'm sorry, princess.. ''[facepalms in frustration]'' Mira. I work alone. :'''Nova''': So you're gonna stop Zurg all by yourself? :'''Buzz''': That's the general plan. :'''Nova''': But regulations clearly state-- :'''Buzz''': I know regulations! I wrote half of them! But as long as Zurg is gunning for me, anybody close to me is gonna get caught in the crossfire! :'''Nebula''': Noted! But Buzz, there's one thing you should know! :'''Buzz''': ''[confused]'' What's that? :'''Nebula''': ''[angry]'' '''YOU ARE NOT GOING OUT THERE WITHOUT BACKUP!''' :'''Buzz''': I'm sorry, Commander. But from now on, Buzz Lightyear flies solo. :''[He gets sucked up through the tube and leaves the Training Deck. Next scene, we go to another portion of Star Command, the Star Cruiser Launch Bay. This room is where ships are docked, serviced and launched from here. An alarm is heard going off as subtitles at the bottom of the screen type in "Star Cruiser Launch Bay".]'' :'''Woman on P.A.''': All personnel, clear the Launch Bay. Star Cruiser 36, prepare for launch. :''[Following the announcement, the roof opens and the bottom of the rocket ship, known as a Star Cruiser, ignites and the Cruiser takes off. The scene then changes to find a giant red toad-like creature peeking his head out from behind a wall. He is a Jo-Adian named Booster Munchapper from the planet Jo-Ad, and he works as Star Command's janitor. He also dreams about becoming a Space Ranger like his idol, Buzz. He notices six Little Green Men who are not looking and he walks out from behind with an electric polisher.]'' :'''Woman on P.A.''': Crystallic fusion modules needed on Pad 14. :''[The LGMs turn around and notice Booster.]'' :'''Booster Munchapper''': ''[nervously]'' Uh... :''[He nervously hums as he polishes the floors, hoping they don't catch him snooping around.]'' :'''All LGMs''': Hello. :'''Booster''': ''[smiles nervously]'' I'm just cleaning the floor and stuff. :'''All LGMs''': Clean is good. :'''Woman on P.A.''': Rocket away. All personnel may return to the Launch Bay. :''[The doors open and the LGMs return to the Launch Bay after Star Cruiser 36's launch. Booster giggles nervously, then sees the LGMs walking to the Launch Bay. He then walks into the Bay himself to take a peek inside and sees a Star Cruiser, much to his amazement.]'' :'''Booster''': ''[amazed]'' Wow! An Andromeda Class Star Cruiser! :'''Woman on P.A.''': Ambassador escort patrol is scheduled at 0900. :''[As he takes a look at the Star Cruiser during his awe and amazement, Booster releases his polisher as he enters the room, which slides away and hits one of the 6 LGMs off-screen, making us hear a crash and him yelping in surprise.]'' :'''Booster''': ''[impressed]'' This is just too cool! :''[Suddenly, he gets caught by the Star Command corporal.]'' :'''Corporal''': ''[angrily, to Booster]'' You there! The Launch Bay is for Authorized Personnel only! :'''Booster''': ''[stammering nervously]'' I was just, um, uh, I... ''[He takes out a mop a cleans the floors.]'' Oh, man. :'''Corporal''': Just like I figured. Guess what, pal. You're through! :''[He suddenly gets startled by Buzz as he talks from behind, then turns around to face him and comes to his senses.]'' :'''Buzz''': He's not through 'till ''I'' say so. :'''Corporal''': ''[salutes Buzz]'' Captain Lightyear! :'''Booster''': ''[gasps in amazement]'' Buzz! :''[Buzz slides his left pointer finger across the floor and observes the space dust.]'' :'''Buzz''': Ugh, space dust. This place is filthy. And it goes right to the sub-atonic level. That's why this young man is in here with his molecular mop. ''[to Booster]'' Carry on, custodian. :'''Booster''': ''[salutes with a smile]'' Oh, yes, sir! :''[He drops the smile and reverts to his guilty state as he continues to mop the floor.]'' :'''Corporal''': ''[salutes]'' My mistake, sir. :'''Buzz''': As you were, Corporal. Dismissed. ''[The corporal leaves, allowing the captain to have a pep talk with his number one fan. sighs]'' Come on, Booster. This is the third time this week. You know you're really not authorized to be in here, son. :'''Booster''': Oh, I know. But, I like to look at the Star Cruisers. I just wanna be a Space Ranger so bad, Buzz. :'''Buzz''': Now, don't you worry. You'll pass the Entrance Exam, Booster. You've just got to study the- :'''Booster''': Space Ranger Mission Manuel? Oh, I am, sir! I memorize one page every night! ''[He shows Buzz his copy of the Space Ranger Mission Manuel Entrance Exam book, then picks up the other end of his mop and speaks boldly.]'' I'm up to Section 5, Subsection Beta: "Light speed limits. More than just a good idea, it's the law." :'''Buzz''': ''[proudly]'' Outstanding! :'''Booster''': ''[proudly]'' Oh, thanks, Buzz. :''[Buzz's wrist communicator beeps and he answers it, being contacted by an LGM in the Science Bay.]'' :'''LGM''': ''[off-screen, from Buzz's wrist communicator]'' Buzz Lightyear to Science Bay. :'''Buzz''': On my way. ''[He close his communicator.]'' Gotta run, Booster! :''[He starts to leave the Launch Bay.]'' :'''Booster''': ''[gasps]'' Yes, sir! :''[He holds his breath. Buzz re-appears after a few seconds.]'' :'''Buzz''': Uh, Booster? :'''Booster''': ''[still holding his breath]'' Yes, sir? :'''Buzz''': At ease. Dismissed. :''[He leaves and Booster exhales and releases his breath.]'' :'''Booster''': ''[panting]'' Thanks, Buzz. :''[A triangle flies from the top right to the bottom left, transitioning to Zurg's home planet, called Planet Z. This planet is a different planet from that of Xrghthung from the game "Buzz Lightyear: Attack on Zurg". The heart of this red sky filled planet is Zurg's palace, called the "Zurg Tower". On the bottom left of the screen, subtitles type in "Zurg Tower" as the camera shifts upward to reveal the top of the tower, with Zurg's emblem at the center. Hornets fly past the tower as another set of subtitles type in "A very evil place". We then cut to inside the tower itself, where we find Zurg entering the room through a sliding door with smoke billowing out to observe his new henchman, named Agent Z is being built. Little does anyone know, this is actually Warp Darkmatter, who survived the self-destruct explosion of Zurg's Subterranean Outpost back on the Uncharted Moon at the Zeta Quadrant earlier in the movie, although he lost his right arm in the process.]'' :'''Zurg''': Good morning, lackeys! Where's my new henchman? :'''Brain Pod #29''': They are arming him now, sir. :'''Zurg''': Does he have a flamethrower? Remember last time. A flamethrower would've ''really'' come in handy. :''[Two Grubs are seen working on Agent Z's robotic arm, with one welding and the other adjusting.]'' :'''Grub Worker''': Tension feels about right. :'''Grub Welder''': ''[opening his helmet]'' Ah, how are his reflexes? :''[Agent Z's robot hand morphs into a cannon, similar to the Hornets, and he blasts the adjusting Grub into a wall, sending him screaming.]'' :'''Grub Worker''': ''[in pain]'' Not bad. :'''Agent Z''': Thanks. :''[He breaks free from his operating table.]'' :'''Zurg''': A delightful blend of man and machine, with just a naughty touch of lingonberry! I shall call you... Agent Z! :'''Agent Z''': That's stupid. :'''Zurg''': ''[yelling angrily]'' MY MOTHER USED TO CALL ME THAT! :'''Brain Pod #29''': ''[nervously]'' You know, he really ''really'' likes that name. :'''Grub Worker''': ''[smiling nervously]'' Yes, he's been saving it for a very evil henchman! :''[Agent Z holds his hands up as Zurg advances on him with his red eyes glowing bright red.]'' :'''Agent Z''': Agent Z, love it! Especially the whole "Z" thing! :'''Zurg''': ''[crossing his arms]'' And-and-and you know what? We'll save a fortune on monogramming. :'''Brain Pod #13''': ''[to Zurg]'' If I could just squeeze you in here. Sir, your Spy Drone is in position. Yeah. Okay. :'''Zurg''': That's Jim-crackin'-dandy! Come, Agent Z. Let us see if my Spy Drone can find this so-called ''"Uni-Mind".'' :''[He laughs evilly as we cut over to the Planet of the Little Green Men, a peaceful city populated by the Little Green Men themselves under a bright blue sky. On the bottom left of the screen, subtitles type in "Œzạ£▪◊βGæ!", then type in "LGM Homeworld" as the camera shifts to the LGMs minding their own business in their daily lives. What they don't know, however, is that Zurg's Spy Drone is spying on them, searching for the Uni-Mind for Zurg to use to conquer the entire universe. Then, an LGM blows a trumpet to signal the other LGMs for the revealing of the Uni-Mind.]'' :'''LGMs''': Ah! :''[Two buildings pop up from the ground and the LGMs walk through the doors, taking them downstairs to an underground theater. Zurg's Spy Drone floats down and takes on an LGM disguise so that the LGMs won't catch it. It follows the Little Green Men down the stairs, where they gather around the stage and point up to the mechanical claw on the ceiling as it comes down while the stage opens up. This references the Crane Game scene at the Pizza Planet restaurant from the first Toy Story film.]'' :'''All LGMs''': Oooh! :'''LGM at Podium''': The Uni-Mind! :''[The claw lifts up the Uni-Mind from underneath and the LGMs and the drone gaze at the yellow-orange and green orb in awe.]'' :'''LGMs''': ''[in a trance]'' Aaaahh. :'''LGM at Podium''': We are one. :''[He hugs the Uni-Mind and it sparkles and glows with the positive energy, then a green ring forms around it. The LGMs and the Spy Drone watch it glow and their antennas start wiggling in response.]'' :'''All LGMs''': ''[in a trance]'' We are one. Oooohhh. :''[Zurg observes this from his TV screen and reaches his hand out to it as it statics.]'' :'''Zurg''': I must have this Mystical Orb. This Uni-Mind! ''[He turns to Agent Z]'' Launch an immediate assault on the Planet of the Little Green Men! :'''Agent Z''': ''[gleefully]'' Excellent. A chance to use this. :''[He morphs his robotic hand into a flamethrower and ignites it, to Zurg's glee.]'' :'''Zurg''': ''[off-screen, tempted]'' Ooh! The flamethrower! :''[A triangle flies from the left to the right side of the screen, changing the scene back to Star Command as subtitles at the bottom of the screen type in "Star Command" for the second time. Star Cruisers and other ships piloted by Space Rangers are seen flying past Star Command and Capital Planet. We then hear Buzz's voice as he speaks to the LGMs in the Science Bay.]'' :'''Buzz''': ''[off-screen, to the LGMs]'' What's up, fellas? :''[The scene cuts to the inside of the Science Bay itself where another set of subtitles type in "Science Bay". This room is where the Little Green Men develop new weapons and technology, as well as repairing destroyed objects.]'' :'''LGM on the front left''': We heard about your fight with Commander Nebula. :'''Buzz''': Now, it wasn't a-a fight, it was just professional disagreement. And in time, he'll admit that I'm better off alone. :'''LGM on the front left''': We have solved your partner problem! :'''Buzz''': ''[frustrated]'' Not you guys, too. Look, I can't have a "partner problem" because I don't have a partner! :'''LGM on the front left''': ''[in disappointment, hanging his head in sadness as well as the other LGMs]'' But XR is perfect for you. :'''Buzz''': XR? Who's XR? :'''All 6 LGMs''': ''[whispering]'' Yes! :''[The lights in the Science Bay dim down and the scene changes to two other Little Green Men standing in front of the garage door under a spotlight.]'' :'''LGM on the right''': Not "who". ''"What".'' Witness the future of space justice! :'''LGM on the left''': XR! :'''LGM on the right''': The Experimental Ranger! :''[They walk off the stage and the door opens, emitting smoke in the process. First, we see XR's Star Command symbol on his chest, which shines. Then, we see his green eyes lighting up in yellow lights. Finally, we see his wheels for feet, then we see his complete appearance.]'' :'''XR''': ''[his first words in the series, monotone]'' XR, reporting for duty. :''[He rolls forward out of the garage as the door closes and the lights come back on again. Buzz doesn't seem to be too impressed about XR's appearance.]'' :'''Buzz''': Kinda short, isn't he? :''[An LGM compares his size to XR's by putting a hand over his head.]'' :'''LGM''': Hmm. Do you think so? :'''Buzz''': That little robot wouldn't stand a chance against Zurg's forces of evil. :'''All LGMs''': ''[pointing at XR]'' Watch. :''[Beeping noises are heard as the LGMs demonstrate how to rebuild XR should he come apart by using blasters to blow him up in pieces, to Buzz's surprise.]'' :'''Buzz''': ''[off-screen]'' What are you doing?! ''[He winces at the shootings before a car crusher crushes XR's parts except his arm, which is then stomped on by a robo-walker piloted by another LGM.]'' You're, uh, going somewhere with this? :''[The LGMs assemble and repair XR in a quick two seconds. XR's helmet sparkles and shines and a whirring sound is heard, completing the LGMs' demonstration.]'' :'''LGM''': If Zurg blows up XR... :'''All LGMs''': We can put him back together! :'''Buzz''': And, uh, Commander Nebula approved a robot Ranger? ''[He looks at XR closely, then turns back to the LGMs.]'' He hates robots. :''[This refers to the failed XL Project prior to the events of the series as a whole, which wouldn't be revealed until the third episode, "XL". The LGMs look at each other innocently.]'' :'''LGM''': Well, he doesn't exactly know. :'''Commander Nebula''': ''[angry]'' He does now! ''[The LGMs gasp at his sudden arrival. He places his hands on his hips.]'' Hmph! :''[He walks up to the LGMs, who stand in front of XR nervously.]'' :'''Three LGMs''': ''[scared]'' Oh, hello, Commander! :'''Commander Nebula''': So, you went ahead and built that expendable Ranger. :''[Buzz places his hand behind his head and crosses his arms as he watches this confrontation.]'' :'''Middle LGM''': Uh, ''"Experimental"'' Ranger. :'''Commander Nebula''': ''[yells angrily]'' UNAUTHORIZED RANGER! :'''Middle LGM''': Uh... ''[He chuckles nervously as he hands Commander Nebula a clipboard of XR's authorization form.]'' Well, technically, it ''was'' authorized by you. ''[nervously chuckles again]'' :''[Nebula and Buzz look at the authorization form.]'' :'''Off-screen LGM''': We slipped it in with our vacation request. :'''Commander Nebula''': ''[annoyed]'' Craters. ''[Buzz rolls his eyes.]'' They always get me that way. ''[to Buzz]'' I keep tellin' 'em, no bucket of bolts can stand up to a ''real'' Ranger. :'''Buzz''': ''[to the LGMs]'' He's got you there, fellas. :'''LGM with a remote''': ''[pressing a button that makes XR's circuit brain chip appear from the top of his head]'' We thought of that Artificial Intelligence Chip, XR is programmed to watch and learn. :''[XR's eyes blink during his closeup, then we cut to another LGM by Buzz's feet, who elbows his ankle.]'' :'''LGM on the right''': And he'll be learnin' from the best: you. :''[The camera shifts to Buzz's upper body.]'' :'''Buzz''': ''[unsure]'' True, but, uh... I don't know. :'''XR''': I don't know. :'''LGM on the left''': At ''least'' give him a test run as your new partner. :'''Commander Nebula''': ''[angry]'' Lightyear, I already told you! Ranger Nova is your new partner! :'''Buzz''': ''[facepalms in frustration]'' Why won't anybody listen to me?! NO MORE PARTNERS! :'''LGMs''': But, Buzz! :''[Suddenly, they freeze and their antennas wiggle, detecting some evil lurking.]'' :'''Commander Nebula''': What's eatin' them? :'''Buzz''': I've seen this before. It's the "mindlink". :'''LGMs''': Evil! :'''Buzz''': ''[realizing]'' Zurg! :'''All LGMs''': ''[gasp in horror]'' His dark forces invade our homeworld! :'''Buzz''': I'm on my way! :''[He sets off to counterattack the invasion with XR following.]'' :'''XR''': ''[monotone]'' I'm on my way. :''[A triangle flies from the bottom right to the top left of the screen, transitioning to Buzz's rocket as it blasts off into space. In one shot the rocket flies towards the screen where we cut to inside the shuttle where Buzz opens his wrist communicator and talks into it.]'' :'''Buzz Lightyear''': Buzz Lightyear Mission Log. Zurg's dark shadow looms over the... :'''XR''': ''[copying Buzz]'' Buzz Lightyear Mission Log. Zurg's dark shadow looms over the... :''[Buzz and XR look to each other.]'' :'''Buzz Lightyear''': Could you not do that? :'''XR''': ''[copying Buzz]'' Could you not do that? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Buzz''': At ease, Little Green Citizens! Star Command is on the job! :'''LGMs''': Yay! :''[The Hornets, in retaliation, start blasting at Buzz and XR, who spilt up and fire their respective weapons at them over sets of red-orange anime-styled speed lines.]'' :'''XR''': At ease, Little Green Citizens! Star Command is on the job! :''[More explosions occur from nearby a Little Green Man, who sees this and runs away. After the smoke clears, even more Hornets appear and start firing at Buzz and XR again relentlessly.]'' :'''Buzz''': Our work's not done yet, XR! :''[They split up again, this time by flying forwards and backwards while blasting. Agent Z sees this on his screen and contacts Zurg.]'' :'''Agent Z''': Agent Z to Zurg: they sent Lightyear. :'''Zurg''': That's why ''I'' sent ''you''. :'''XR''': Craters! :'''Buzz''': A new player. :''[They fight. Agent Z retreats.]'' :'''Buzz''': We've got him on the run! :'''XR''': We've got him on the… run? :'''Buzz''': He's good. ''[forces Agent Z to ground]'' But ''I'm'' better. XR! :''[Agent Z nearly hits XR, but XR pulls himself to safety]''. :'''XR''': He's good, but I'm better. :'''Buzz''': You ''are'' learning! Now, watch this. ''[He sets his laser at automatic, then slips his hand out of his glove. He and XR then start to slide down the roof.]'' They never see this coming. ''[Suddenly, he sees Agent Z ahead of him, proving his words wrong.]'' Huh? :'''Agent Z''': Saw it coming. :''[Buzz immediately lunges to put his laser glove back on, but Agent Z blasts it at the last second. Because Buzz doesn't have a bazooka inside his Star Command emblem like Warp did at the beginning of the movie, he's left without a weapon.]'' :'''Buzz''': XR! Gun! :'''XR''': XR! Gun! :''[Agent Z shatters XR with an explosive]''. :'''Buzz''': ''[alarmed]'' XR?! :'''XR''': System… malfunction… ''[deactivates]''. :'''Agent Z''': Agent Z to Zurg: the Uni-Mind's all yours. ''[to Lightyear]'' You're good, but I'm better. :'''Buzz''': Buzz Lightyear to Star Command: this is a Priority One Mission Update. The Uni-Mind has been captured, and, we've got a Ranger down. :''[We see the destroyed XR as the screen fades to black, then changes to the Science Bay, where Buzz and the LGMs observe the robot Ranger's remains.]'' :'''Buzz''': ''[to the LGMs]'' You can fix him, right? :'''LGM on the left''': Can we? :'''LGM on the right''': I don't know. :'''LGM on the middle''': We are not one. :'''LGM on the right''': But, we shall try. :''[Buzz looks concerned, then a triangle flies from the bottom right to the top left of the screen, transitioning to the LGMs fixing XR themselves.]'' <hr width=60%> :'''Buzz''': ''[Voice-over]'' ''Buzz Lightyear Personal Log: my brave little robotic partner had been blasted to a pile of terillium carbonic scrap. And yet, the LGMs were rebuilding him. Even without the Uni-mind, those little green guys had the right stuff. Then… came the wrong stuff. Their selection of auxiliary gear was obviously non-regulation. But perhaps, there was a method to their madness. Maybe, just maybe… No. They had lost it. :'''Nebula''': Wow. They really need that Uni-ma-call-it. :'''Buzz''': I don't think they have any idea of what they're doing anymore, Commander. :'''3rd LGM''': What is;–– er;–– this thing? :'''Buzz''': Er… An arm. :'''4th LGM''': Told ya. :'''Commander Nebula''': Blast! Zurg knows the little green guys keep Star Command runnin'! That stinkin' bucket-head. He did this to cripple our operation! :'''Buzz''': No, commander. If that's all Zurg wanted, he could have ''destroyed'' the Uni-Mind. Instead, he had his new lackey, Agent Z, steal it. :'''Commander Nebula''': But why? What's ''he'' gonna do with it? :'''Buzz''': I don't know exactly, but I believe that even now, Zurg is hatching his most diabolical scheme yet. :''[We cut to Planet Z and the Zurg Tower, where we hear Zurg's voice from inside as subtitles at the bottom left type in "Zurg Tower" for the second time in the film. The scene changes to inside the tower itself as another set of subtitles type in "New Home of the Uni-Mind" as the Grubs and Brain Pods observe the Uni-Mind with Zurg watching impatiently from the rails.]'' :'''Evil Emperor Zurg''': This is my most diabolical scheme yet! Assuming that the freak-show, known as my staff, CAN DO ''ONE'' THING RIGHT! :'''Grub''': ''[nervously]'' Of course, my evil emperor. ''[looks around]'' And, uh-uh, who better to give the good news than, uh... ''[He zips away to gather Brain Pod #13, who is holding a clipboard of data.]'' Brain Pod #13! :''[He runs off again as #13 looks back.]'' :'''Brain Pod #13''': Huh? ''[He turns to face Zurg and screams. Zurg crosses his arms impatiently.]'' Okay, hi, uh, Mr. Evil Emperor. How are you? You look terrif- very sinister today. We believe that just as the Unimind connected all the L.G.M.s... it could hopefully allow you to reach out... and ensnare every innocent mind in the Galactic Alliance. You know, a mind slave, evil puppet kind of scenario. :''[We cut back to Zurg, who is having none of #13's news.]'' :'''Emperor Zurg''': You're telling me my plan. I already ''know'' my plan. I made up the plan. It's ''my'' plan. ''[yelling]'' WHAT I ''DON'T'' KNOW, IS HOW ''CLOSE'' YOU ARE TO ''ACCOMPLISHING'' MY PLAN! :'''Brain Pod #13''': ''[nervously; looks at his clipboard]'' Yeah, uh, kind of an outdoor voice there. ''[chuckles nervously]'' Okay. Uh, naturally, the first step is to turn the Uni-Mind from good to evil, but, um, heh, we don't have any idea how. You see, um... :''[At that moment, Zurg's patience runs out and he fires his laser vision at #13, who dodges and speeds away while dropping his clipboard and screaming.]'' :'''Zurg''': ''[angry]'' ''''LAMEBRAIN!'''' If you want something turned evil... turn it evil yourself. That's what Nana Zurg always used to say to me. And she was plenty evil. :''[He sinks his claws into the Uni-Mind; it starts to turn from orange to purple, with ghostly wails and shrieks. Brain Pods #29 and #30 look at a green screen which sparks as they scream.]'' :'''Brain Pod #29''': ''[nervously]'' Ooh! Evil overload! :''[The screams from the Uni-Mind get louder and louder as it turns more and more purple like Zurg. So loud, that in the next scene, Zurg's cape flaps until the screen flashes white. Once the white flash fades, we see the Uni-Mind completely purple, with lightning bolts bouncing off each end. Zurg then starts getting emotional blood as he knows he made his late mother proud.]'' :'''Zurg''': ''[emotionally]'' Nana Zurg would be so proud! :''[A triangle flies from the bottom left to the top right of the screen, transitioning back to Star Command from the hallway outside the Mission Briefing Room, where Booster is continuing to mop the floors clean. Subtitles on the bottom left of the screen type in "Star Command" for the third time in the movie, then "Caution: Wet Floor".]'' :'''Woman on P.A.''': All Rangers to Mission Briefing Room. All Rangers to Mission Briefing Room. :'''Booster''': Hey, fellas. Something going on? :'''Male Space Ranger''': Sorry, can't talk. :'''Female Space Ranger''': Top secret. :'''Booster''': ''[popping his head out to the entrance doors]'' Oh, so, um, you guys need me to empty the wastebaskets or something? :'''Buzz''': ''[patting Booster's back]'' Sorry, Booster. This is Space Ranger Business. :'''Booster''': ''[disappointed]'' Yeah. Space Ranger Business. ''[sighs]''. :''[We then cut to inside the Mission Briefing Room itself, where Commander Nebula briefs missions and assignments to the Rangers. Capital Planet is seen from the window. The Rangers are gathered around a long table with a hologram of Planet Z with Commander Nebula at the end of the table as another set of subtitles type in "Briefing Room".]'' :'''Commander Nebula''': I don't know what Zurg's plannin' on doin' with the Uni-Mind, but I plan on beatin' him to the punch. :'''Buzz''': We're launching a full-scale assault on Planet Z. :'''XR''': Whoa! Full-scale? Buzz, listen to your trusty partner when I say, maybe a little thing I like to call "negotiation". :'''Buzz''': XR? :'''XR''': Now follow me on this, Buzz. Two simple words: "Time share". How many of you love it? Alright. Monday through Wednesday, admittedly, the Galaxy belongs to Zurg. ''But,'' Thursday through Saturday, ''it's ours!'' We alternate Sundays. What do you think? :'''Commander Nebula''': ''[to the LGMs]'' Sweet Mother of Venus, what did you do to him?! :'''Middle LGM''': We, uh, fixed him. :'''Right LGM''': ''[nervously]'' Yeah. I think. :'''Commander Nebula''': ''[yelling off-screen from outside the Briefing Room]'' GET THAT THING OUTTA HERE! :''[The doors open and the LGMs walk out the door while holding XR above their heads.]'' :'''XR''': What'd I say? C'mon! You know the time-share idea is solid, and you're jealous. :''[They pass by Booster.]'' :'''Booster''': What are you guys going with the robot? :'''XR''': Please. "Experimental Ranger". :'''Middle LGM''': Uh, we were looking for ''you,'' Booster! :'''Right LGM''': Yeah, we thought you could use some help! :'''Middle LGM''': Here! You'll love 'im. :'''XR''': I am lovable. :''[We then return to the Mission Briefing Room as Commander Nebula announces his plan of attack against Zurg's forces.]'' :'''Commander Nebula''': Delta Squadron will occupy Zurg's fleet, while Gamma Squadron attacks Planet Z itself. ''[He pauses for a moment.]'' This is no cakewalk. It's a high-risk operation. :''[Mira walks up to the hologram, having apparently learned something against Zurg's defenses.]'' :'''Mira''': Uh, excuse me, Commander. Sorry to interrupt, but I've been studying Zurg's planetary defense matrix and I think a small one-man ship... :'''Buzz''': ''[finishing Mira's sentence]'' Could slip past the defenses unnoticed. :'''Mira''': Exactly! A single Space Ranger could undermine Zurg's evil operation from within. :'''Buzz''': And with the new Alpha-1 prototype, ''I'' could slip in and- :'''Mira''': ''[interrupts angrily]'' Wait a minute, it was ''my'' idea. ''I'' should go! :'''Buzz''': Sorry, but you don't have the field experience to be taking on such a dicey assignment, princess. :'''Mira''': ''[angry, not liking being called "princess" when she's a Space Ranger]'' "Princess"? I am a Space Ranger! :'''Commander Nebula''': ''[to Buzz and Mira, angrily while intervening]'' You know what? You two really should be partners. ''[He angrily shakes them while yelling to get them to stop arguing.]'' 'CAUSE YOU'RE BOTH BIGHEADED SHOWOFFS! :'''Buzz and Mira''': ''[in unison and protest]'' But, Commander! :'''Commander Nebula''': ''[angry]'' ZIP IT! The Alpha-1 is still an experimental spacecraft. NOBODY'S TAKING IT! We're doing this ''my'' way. Star Command will launch a full assault on Planet Z at 0800 hours! :''[Meanwhile, in Star Command's cafeteria, Booster is seen using XR as a floor polisher as two sets of subtitles type in "B Deck Cafeteria" and "Avoid the Meatloaf".]'' :'''XR''': ''[in a bored tone while being pushed back and forth by Booster]'' How long do we have to do this? :'''Booster''': The cafeteria is a high-traffic area. This could take a while. :''[He releases XR's hands and he turns his polishing feet back to his normal feet.]'' :'''XR''': Hey! Here's an idea. We ''ditch'' work and do something fun. :'''Booster''': No way! I would never shirk my duty. Hmph! Buzz would be very disappointed. :'''XR''': ''[turning back to Booster in surprise]'' Buzz? As in "Buzz Lightyear"? :'''Booster''': As if there's any other Buzz. :'''XR''': You know, I used to be Buzz Lightyear's partner. :'''Booster''': ''[amazed]'' Get out! :'''XR''': That's exactly what Commander Nebula said. ''Now'' look at me. ''[gasps as an idea comes to his mind]'' Hey, Booster. How would you like a V.I.P tour of Buzz Lightyear's Star Cruiser? <hr width=60%> :''[Zurg's new mind control ray is a success]'' :'''Zurg''': Another planet, and it's mine! I'm not the man who knows the man! I ''am'' the man! :'''Brain Pod #29''': Uh, about that raise, sir? :'''Zurg''': Please. Once I enslave the universe, I won't need the likes of you. ''[His eyes glow.]'' It'll be all Zurg, all the time! 24/7! Zurgie heaven! :''[A triangle flies from the bottom left to the top right of the screen, transitioning to outer space, where Buzz is chasing Mira in the Alpha-1 with his Star Cruiser]'' :'''Buzz''': Alpha-1, power down your engines. :'''Mira''': ''[on Buzz's screen]'' Buzz, you know my plan can work. I can get past Zurg's defenses. :'''Buzz''': Unfortunately, Mira, the commander doesn't agree with us. ''[He pulls a lever forward as the "Buzz Lightyear of Star Command" theme plays while the Alpha-1 flies to and away from the camera to escape Star Cruiser 42.]'' Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! <hr width=60%> :'''Zurg''': You see, I used the Uni-Mind to link your fellow rangers to my evil. And that's just the beginning. Soon, the entire Galactic Alliance will be under my control. ''[laughs]'' :'''XR''': You know, as a robot, I'm not susceptible to mind control, so, this really isn't an issue for me. :'''Mira Nova''': Yeah, it'll ''be'' your issue when they rip you apart, and sell you for scrap! :'''XR''': ''[horrified]'' Good point. Anybody got a plan? :'''Commander Nebula''': ''[in Zurg's voice]'' Here's one. ''[fires a megacannon]'' :'''Buzz''': Back to the ship, people! <hr width=60%> :'''Nova''': I had no idea a star cruiser could pull a move like that! :'''Buzz''': And neither did Zurg. :'''Zurg''': I'll make a note of it. :'''Nova''': We're surrounded! :'''XR''': You know, the guy's supposed to be some kind of evil genius, and the best he can come up with is a ventriloquist act. What's next? Evil juggling? :'''Zurg''': Farewell, Lightyear. :'''Nova''': They're retreating. :'''Buzz''': But why? :'''XR''': Obviously, my caustic tongue cut 'em to the quick. :'''Booster''': I'm getting a funny energy reading. :'''Buzz''': Mira, check the hull. :''[Mira checks the hull, sees a time-bomb]'' :'''Nova''': ''[worried]'' We've got a bomb! :'''XR and Booster''': ''[alarmed]'' A bomb?! :'''Buzz''': ''[smirks]'' Perfect. :'''Zurg''': At last. For too long, Lightyear has hounded me. ''[Buzz's ship explodes]'' But no more. ''[evilly laughs, thinking Buzz is dead]'' :'''Buzz''': Buzz Lightyear mission log. By launching the ''Alpha One'' at the precise moment of detonation, Zurg believes us to be destroyed. I feel I must pause for a moment of silence in honor of my ship. :'''XR''': Oh, please, Buzz, it was just a hunk of metal. :'''Nova''': Okay, and you are? :'''XR''': In serious need of some personal space. :'''Booster''': So, Buzz, did Zurg win? :'''Buzz''': Not a chance, Booster. I've got Zurg right where I want him. :'''XR''': Yeah? Well, wherever he is, I'll bet he's got legroom. :'''Buzz''': As long as Zurg thinks I'm dead, he won't be looking for me, and that gives me the advantage. <hr width=60%> :'''Buzz''': You three take the ship, find the planets that Zurg hasn't hit yet, and supervise immediate evacuations. :'''Nova''': What about Zurg? :'''Buzz''': He's my problem. :'''Nova''': He's ''everybody's'' problem. :'''Buzz''': Mira, there's only one way for me to finish this mission: Alone. :'''Booster''': But Buzz, that's against the rules. In the Star Command Mission Manual, it clearly states that no ranger is to go into action without backup. I think it's section 6, subsection delta. :'''Buzz''': Actually, it's Section 6, Sub-section ''Gamma.'' :'''XR''': He's right, big guy, Sub-section Delta's the dress code. Incidentally, why ''can't'' we have nose rings? :'''Buzz''': Because nose rings are for punks, little mister! :'''Nova''': Well, if you can take on Zurg alone, I don't see why XR can't get a nose ring. :'''XR''': I was just asking a question, I'm not the one getting a nose ring. :'''Booster''': ''[panicking]'' Then, who's getting a nose ring? ''[gasps]'' ''That's'' why Buzz wants to ditch us. :'''Buzz''': ''[angry]'' I'm not getting a nose ring! Nobody's getting a nose ring! It's against the rules! :'''Mira Nova''': Which apparently, the rules don't apply to you. :'''Buzz''': Of course, they apply to ''me!'' The rules apply to ''everyone!'' :'''Nova''': Great! Then you're not facing Zurg alone, and we'll be your backup. :'''Lightyear''': ''[about to lose it]'' Arrgh! I want the three of you off this planet '''''NOW,''''' and that's an order! :'''XR and Booster''': ''[Scared, saluting]'' Yes, sir! ''[They march back to the Alpha-1. While XR and Booster follow orders, Mira still refuses to listen to Buzz and glares at him.]'' :'''Lightyear''': ''[angry, raising an eyebrow]'' Ranger Nova? :'''Nova''': ''[saluting stubbornly]'' Yes, sir! ''[storms off in a huff]'' :'''Buzz''': ''[angry]'' Thank you. :''[The scene changes to a sewer tunnel, where Buzz watches the Alpha-1 fly out of Planet Z before turning his attention to the Zurg Tower. We then cut to Zurg talking to Brain Pods #13 and #29.]'' :'''Zurg''': Next target and... oh. Who haven't we perverted into a twisted reflection of evil? :'''Brain Pod #29''': A few planets left in the Beta Quadrant remain unperverted, hmm. :'''Zurg''': Ah, bingo! ''[Suddenly a Hornet gets destroyed by a laser blast, startling them.]'' Huh? ''[Another Hornet gets blasted, spooking them some more.]'' Oh! Mother of pearl! ''[Two more Hornets get blown up as we then see Buzz flying up the tower and firing his laser as the "Buzz Lightyear of Star Command" theme plays.]'' Lightyear! :'''Buzz''': Zurg! :''(Buzz flies up the Zurg logo. Then Buzz hovers and aims his arm at Zurg, until Agent Z flies down from above and sends them crashing through a roof of a building.)'' :'''Buzz Lightyear''': (Pants) By the authority of Star Command, I hereby place you under arrest. <hr width=60%> :''[Booster lands on Warp Darkmatter after being ejected from the Alpha 1]'' :'''Warp Darkmatter''': Aren't you the janitor? :'''Booster''': Yep! :'''Darkmatter''': Oh, this is gonna be ''great'' for my rep. :''[Back to Buzz, with his rocket-pack damaged, preventing him from flying, he climbs up to the "Z" emblem of the Tower after latching onto the edge of it. He opens his wrist communicator to communicate with Mira, Booster and XR.]'' :'''Buzz''': Mira, Booster, XR, can anybody read me? Do you copy? I can't make it in time. ''[Zurg looms up from behind him and aims his Ion Blaster at him.]'' It's up to you now. Good luck! :'''Zurg''': Give it up, Lightyear. I win! :'''Buzz''': Evil never wins. Afraid of the dark, Zurg? :'''Nova''': Not today, Zurg! Evil Emperor Zurg, by the authority of Star Command… :'''Booster''': Section 5, Subsection Zeta ''[that's the one about the Evil Emperor!]''… :'''XR''': You are under arrest! :'''Buzz''': Like I said, Evil never wins. :'''Brain Pod''': Firing… :'''Zurg''': You failed, Lightyear! With that final blast, I have enslaved the last of the Galactic Alliance! Wherever you go in the universe, you will hear my voice, mocking you! Evil rules! :'''Buzz''': We're not done yet! Booster! XR! Get up top and take Warp into custody! Mira, you're with me! == Voice cast == * [[Tim Allen]] as Buzz Lightyear ** [[Patrick Warburton]] as Buzz Lightyear (TV version) ===Star Command=== * [[w:Nicole Sullivan|Nicole Sullivan]] as Mira Nova * [[w:Larry Miller|Larry Miller]] as XR * [[w:Stephen Furst|Stephen Furst]] as Booster Munchapper * [[w:Adam Carolla|Adam Carolla]] as Commander Nebula * [[w:Diedrich Bader|Diedrich Bader]] as Warp Darkmatter / Agent Z * Patrick Warburton as Little Green Men * [[w:Kevin Michael Richardson|Kevin Michael Richardson]] as Space Ranger * [[w:Charles Kimbrough|Charles Kimbrough]] as Brain Pod #29, Computer Voice * Cindy Warden as Technician * [[Frank Welker]] as Evil Emperor Zurg, Grubs, Self Destruct, Ranger #1, Rhizomian Man, Cadet Flarn * [[w:Sean Hayes (actor)|Sean Hayes]] as Brain Pod #13 * [[w:Jennifer Bailey|Jennifer Bailey]] as Rhizomian Woman === Andy's Room === * [[w:Jim Hanks|Jim Hanks]] as Woody * [[w:Wallace Shawn|Wallace Shawn]] as Rex * [[w:Andrew Stanton|Andrew Stanton]] as Hamm * [[w:R. Lee Ermey|R. Lee Ermey]] as Sarge * Patrick Warburton as Aliens * [[w:Joe Ranft|Joe Ranft]] as Wheezy == External links == {{wikipedia-inline}} {{Toy Story}} {{Pixar}} [[Category:2000 animated films]] [[Category:2000 computer-animated films]] [[Category:2000s American animated films]] [[Category:American animated TV films]] [[Category:American children's animated space adventure films]] [[Category:American children's animated comic science fiction films]] [[Category:American children's animated science fantasy films]] [[Category:Disney direct-to-video animated films]] [[Category:Traditionally animated films]] [[Category:Buzz Lightyear]] [[Category:Films set on fictional planets]] [[Category:Animated films about robots]] [[Category:American robot films]] [[Category:Animated films about artificial intelligence]] j8830f9e70lq5f8fln08i55xrbjdg00 0 129454 3778704 3511917 2025-07-14T14:01:18Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Comedians]]; added [[Category:Comedians from Australia]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778704 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Shaun Patrick Micallef| Shaun Micallef]]''' (born [[18 July]] [[1962]]) is an Australian actor, comedian and writer. After ten years of working in insurance law as a solicitor in [[w:Adelaide|Adelaide]], Micallef moved to [[w:Melbourne|Melbourne]] to pursue a full-time comedy career in 1993. He first gained recognition as a cast member of the [[w:sketch comedy|sketch comedy]] show ''[[w:Full Frontal (TV series)|Full Frontal]]'', which in turn led to a number of television roles including his own sketch show, ''[[w:The Micallef P(r)ogram(me)|The Micallef P(r)ogram(me)]]'', the sitcom ''[[w:Welcher & Welcher|Welcher & Welcher]]'' and the variety show ''[[w:Micallef Tonight|Micallef Tonight]]''. == Quotes == *My attitude is one of unswerving devotion to myself. I am single-minded in my pursuit of money, fame and power. I also collect spoons. === ''[[w:The Micallef P(r)ogram(me)|The Micallef P(r)ogram(me)]]'' === :'''Shaun''': Worried about dry skin? Concerned about lines and wrinkles? Then visit a burns unit and get some perspective. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shaun''': If you think you've got what it takes to type slowly and sell confectionary and toiletries, then why not consider a career in pharmacy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Francis''': Lamingtons! :'''Shaun''': No, I'm sorry. The answer we're looking for is "I'm well thanks Shaun." So no holiday to Hawaii or car, but you do get The Micallef P(r)ogram(me) board game so you can re-live your failure over and over again. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shaun''': Well just how uncaring can some people be? We sent Ros Hammond out with a six-month-old baby and left it on a median strip in busy traffic. As you can see nobody stopped to help. Roz, an incredibly lack of concern for human life. :'''Roz''': Ah, well, disturbing isn't it? :'''Shaun''': Mmm, mmm... What on Earth are people thinking these days? :'''Roz''': Well I don't think people are thinking and I think that's the problem. :'''Shaun''': Any word on the baby? :'''Roz''': Ah, no. As far as I know the baby is still out there, so, we can really just pray for it at this stage. :'''Shaun''': Mmm. Staggering thoughtlessness. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shaun''': Remember, a dog is not just for Christmas. It can also be for a birthday. In fact, you can eat them all year round. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shaun:''': Ant farms: cruel and barbaric, or not that bad really? Outspoken chimney sweep Leon Spack has his say. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shaun''': You know, when you sponsor a child like Doris here, you’ll be doing more than just putting food on her table. If every Australian gave a dollar a week to someone like Doris, that would guarantee her a weekly income of about 18 million dollars. Almost a billion dollars a year. That buys a lot in Doris’ village. Enough coconuts to stretch from here to Neptune transported in solid gold space shuttles fuelled by burning bank notes. Does seem a bit excessive doesn’t it? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shaun''': You've written a book which fans will be delighted to learn. Others I suppose will be less enthused. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shaun''': If you have any information, any information at all, please contact me as I'm writing an encyclopaedia. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shaun''': Don't forget, tomorrow is national typewriter day, so buy a ribbon. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shaun''': Is it pornography or is it art? Well as far as I'm concerned, the Mona Lisa is art. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shaun''': Smoking: It has been found that 25,000 people die each day from smoking related illnesses. But scientists have proved, conclusively, that this number would be halved if divided by two. === ''[[w:Micallef Tonight|Micallef Tonight]]'' (2003) === :'''Shaun''': If you live in Adelaide and are travelling interstate tomorrow, I'm not the least bit surprised. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shaun''': I'd like to thank you too, for watching, along with any other Irish bands who tuned in tonight. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shaun''': Mrs Veronica Huff wrote a letter to Micallef Tonight, saying that thieves broke into a high school and stole, among other things, every single computer. The computers were not insured because the school could not afford the insurance premiums. Micallef Tonight recommends you don't enrol your kids at Richmond High School, as they will be seriously under-resourced. == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Micallef, Shaun}} [[Category:Actors from Australia]] [[Category:People from South Australia]] [[Category:People from Adelaide]] [[Category:Lawyers from Australia]] [[Category:Comedians from Australia]] [[Category:Living people]] ozslth71odjuns8qym1es0500ef5b5n 0 132035 3778723 2057379 2025-07-14T14:06:09Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Comedians]]; added [[Category:Comedians from England]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778723 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:National Theatre of Brent|The National Theatre of Brent]]''' is a [[w:British comedy|British comedy]] [[w:double act|double act]], in the form of a mock two-man theatre troupe. [[w:Patrick Barlow|Patrick Barlow]] plays Desmond Olivier Dingle, the troupe's founder, Artistic Director and Chief Executive. The role of his assistant (or as Desmond likes to call him, "my entire company") was first performed by Julian Hough. It has subsequently been taken by various actors, including [[w:Jim Broadbent|Jim Broadbent]] (as Wallace), Robert Austin (as Bernard), and [[w:John Ramm|John Ramm]] (as Raymond Box). {{comedian-stub}} == Quotes == * '''Fidel Castro''': ''[having shot dead the President of Cuba]'' Hasta la vista, General Batista! ** From the Channel 4 television series, "Massive Landmarks of the Twentieth Century" (1999). == External links== {{Wikipedia}} [[Category:Comedians from England]] i4iwcjrhdgpvdl4cni1g751l8q5e3a4 14 133916 3778587 2390398 2025-07-14T12:49:05Z UDScott 4304 Moving from [[Category:Activists]] to [[Category:Activists by issue]] using [[c:Help:Cat-a-lot|Cat-a-lot]] 3778587 wikitext text/x-wiki {{wikipedia|Category:Free speech activists}} {{commons|Category:Free speech activists}} [[Category:Freedom of speech]] [[Category:Activists by issue]] labveurw983gkt0ao0bk0tl9lote0ya 0 139050 3778521 3385921 2025-07-14T12:35:14Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Architects]]; added [[Category:Architects from Finland]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778521 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Juhani Pallasmaa.jpg|thumb|Juhani Pallasmaa, 2012]] <!--[[File:Kamppi center.jpg|thumb|Kamppi center by Juhanni Pallasmaa]]--> '''[[w:Juhani Pallasmaa|Juhani Pallasmaa]]''' (born [[14 September]] [[1936]]) is a Finnish [[w:Architect|architect]], [[w:Writer|writer]] of [[w:Architectural theory|architectural theory]] and former professor of architecture at the [[w:Helsinki University of Technology|Helsinki University of Technology]] and a former Director of the Museum of Finnish Architecture (1978–1983).. {{architect-stub}} == Quotes == * I see the task of architecture as the defense of the authenticity of human experience. ** ''Encounters'' (2006). * I fear that wisdom is disappearing from modern experience where everything becomes just information. Information is not wisdom. Wisdom is when things are integrated into a historical continuum and one’s personal life experience. ** ''The Aura of the Sacred'' lecture Juhani Pallasmaa's Agora lecture "Christianity as Secularisation" (15 August 2012). == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Pallasmaa, Juhani}} [[Category:Academics from Finland]] [[Category:Architects from Finland]] [[Category:Non-fiction authors]] [[Category:1936 births]] [[Category:Living people]] tqcws8fgghj3zp1mf9fvemf28q83d4f 3778522 3778521 2025-07-14T12:35:24Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Non-fiction authors]]; added [[Category:Non-fiction authors from Finland]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778522 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Juhani Pallasmaa.jpg|thumb|Juhani Pallasmaa, 2012]] <!--[[File:Kamppi center.jpg|thumb|Kamppi center by Juhanni Pallasmaa]]--> '''[[w:Juhani Pallasmaa|Juhani Pallasmaa]]''' (born [[14 September]] [[1936]]) is a Finnish [[w:Architect|architect]], [[w:Writer|writer]] of [[w:Architectural theory|architectural theory]] and former professor of architecture at the [[w:Helsinki University of Technology|Helsinki University of Technology]] and a former Director of the Museum of Finnish Architecture (1978–1983).. {{architect-stub}} == Quotes == * I see the task of architecture as the defense of the authenticity of human experience. ** ''Encounters'' (2006). * I fear that wisdom is disappearing from modern experience where everything becomes just information. Information is not wisdom. Wisdom is when things are integrated into a historical continuum and one’s personal life experience. ** ''The Aura of the Sacred'' lecture Juhani Pallasmaa's Agora lecture "Christianity as Secularisation" (15 August 2012). == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Pallasmaa, Juhani}} [[Category:Academics from Finland]] [[Category:Architects from Finland]] [[Category:Non-fiction authors from Finland]] [[Category:1936 births]] [[Category:Living people]] 4y2sqwitd3mu5fh3xpz57wvjxin1bad 0 139433 3778517 3610560 2025-07-14T12:34:00Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Architects]]; added [[Category:Architects from Iran]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778517 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Shahbanu of Iran.jpg|thumb|I do not live in the past, I live in the present, always hoping for a brighter future. This is my message to all my countrymen.]] '''[[w:Farah Pahlavi|Farah Pahlavi]]''' (born [[14 October]] [[1938]]) is the former empress of the [[Imperial State of Iran]], and widow of [[Muhammad Reza Pahlavi]]. == Quotes == ===Interviews=== [[File:Shah Farah Leave.jpg|thumb|I shall never forget the tears in the eyes of the shah the day we left Iran. In that deserted runway and in the aircraft, my only thought was whether it was the last time or would [we ever] return.]] * I try to forget about the bitter past as I [also] recommend for my fellow countrymen. I do not live in the past, I live in the present, always hoping for a brighter future. This is my message to all my countrymen. **[http://www.rferl.org/content/Interview_Farah_Pahlavi_Recalls_30_Years_In_Exile/2111354.html Interview: Farah Pahlavi Recalls 30 Years In Exile], ''Radio Free Europe'', (July 27, 2010). * I shall never forget the tears in the eyes of the shah the day we left Iran. In that deserted runway and in the aircraft, my only thought was whether it was the last time or would [we ever] return. **[http://www.rferl.org/content/Interview_Farah_Pahlavi_Recalls_30_Years_In_Exile/2111354.html Interview: Farah Pahlavi Recalls 30 Years In Exile], ''Radio Free Europe'', (July 27, 2010). * I think, as a politician, [the exiled shah] had realized that the leaders were after their own political interests and they would very much like to establish relations with the [upcoming] regime in the country. But their inhuman behavior was terrifying, along with all the lies that the media would publish. I used to wonder for years, all those who wrote on the [subject] of human rights back then, how did they remain silent after all the inhuman incidents in Iran during the later years? [It was no] coincidence [that] the downfall of the shah [led to an Iran in which] the Iranians no longer had any human rights. **[http://www.rferl.org/content/Interview_Farah_Pahlavi_Recalls_30_Years_In_Exile/2111354.html Interview: Farah Pahlavi Recalls 30 Years In Exile], ''Radio Free Europe'', (July 27, 2010). * [Sheltering the shah and his family] was completely out of [President Sadat's] friendship and good human nature as he had no personal gain from it. Egyptians had not forgotten the help they received from Iran during their troubled times of war. **[http://www.rferl.org/content/Interview_Farah_Pahlavi_Recalls_30_Years_In_Exile/2111354.html Interview: Farah Pahlavi Recalls 30 Years In Exile], ''Radio Free Europe'', (July 27, 2010). * I remembered that when the shah was hospitalized, many foreign journalists came to gather negative reactions from the people of Cairo. But the opposite happened, the shop owners in the streets along with the general population were extremely glad to have the Iranian shah in their country. They considered us family who helped them in difficult times. **[http://www.rferl.org/content/Interview_Farah_Pahlavi_Recalls_30_Years_In_Exile/2111354.html Interview: Farah Pahlavi Recalls 30 Years In Exile], ''Radio Free Europe'', (July 27, 2010). * Regardless of all the pressures upon them, people are fighting bravely against this suppression. The success of Iranians all across the world is also the happiest thought. What I always say is that goodwill wins over bad. **[http://www.rferl.org/content/Interview_Farah_Pahlavi_Recalls_30_Years_In_Exile/2111354.html Interview: Farah Pahlavi Recalls 30 Years In Exile], ''Radio Free Europe'', (July 27, 2010). * I have always been fascinated with the arts. When I was in Iran in that position I was constantly concerned with promoting our Iranian traditional art but, at the same time, with introducing contemporary and modern art. **[http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2012/aug/01/queen-iran-art-collection Former queen of Iran on assembling Tehran's art collection], ''The Guardian'', (August 1, 2012). * I follow the works of Iranian artists even now, sometimes in Paris or in New York and I am happy Iranian artists are still great. Whether they are men or women, they have always been great. Despite all the pressure and censorship inside the country, they haven't been able to stop the creativity of our artists. Some have to work underground, like in cinema, and sometimes their work has political messages, but the number of our artists now has definitely grown in comparison to the past. **[http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2012/aug/01/queen-iran-art-collection Former queen of Iran on assembling Tehran's art collection], ''The Guardian'', (August 1, 2012). * The picture of today's Iran in the world is terrible, comparing the past and now. I'm happy that few years ago at the time of Tehran's post-election unrest in 2009, the world for the first time in many years saw the true face of Iranians and both people inside the country and foreigners once again reminded themselves of Iran's glorious civilisation, history and art. I hope the situation changes and they can have the regime they deserve. **[http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2012/aug/01/queen-iran-art-collection Former queen of Iran on assembling Tehran's art collection], ''The Guardian'', (August 1, 2012). ===Publications=== ==== ''An Enduring Love: My Life with the Shah'' (2004) ==== [[File:Shah and Farah.jpg|thumb|I found the king extremely attractive, naturally endowed as he was with all the intellectual qualities a woman could wish for in the man close to her heart.]] [[File:Fpsaman.jpg|thumb|I never thought that a person's worth came from birth or wealth, and much later when I was queen, and then in exile, I had ample proof of it.]] * I found the king extremely attractive, naturally endowed as he was with all the intellectual qualities a woman could wish for in the man close to her heart. His gentle, serious look, which could still be indulgent and warm, and his lovely smile touched me deeply. And there were other details I liked: the way he held his head, his long eyelashes, which I found unutterably romantic, his hands. Yes, I was secretly won over, charmed by him. ** Page 76 * The king was not marrying a princess; he was not giving in to the convention of arranged marriages between families of royal blood. No, he had fallen in love with a "little Iranian girl" and, as in fairy tails, he was going to follow his heart. ** Page 91 * I never thought that a person's worth came from birth or wealth, and much later when I was queen, and then in exile, I had ample proof of it. ** Page 91 * [The king] would assure me, a long time later, that he had said "I love you" to only three women. "One of them is you," he told me. ** Page 94 * The people of Tehran, from whom I came, were giving me their trust, adopting me, honoring me, although I had done nothing yet either for them or for Iran. I felt so moved and overcome that I promised myself I would do everything in mypower for these men and women, and for the children I could see perched everywhere. ** Page 99 * I came and knelt at the king's feet, and when he put the crown on my head, I felt that he had just honoured all the women of Iran. Only four years earlier we had been in the same category of the mentally handicapped: we did not even have the basic right of choosing our representatives. The crown wiped out centuries of humiliation; more surely than any law, it solemnly affirmed the equality of men and women. ** Page 157 == Quotes about Farah Pahlavi == * Do you remember the afternoon, at one of our first meetings, when we'd been playing quoits? There were a lot of us, quite a crowd. Most of the quoits fell on the ground instead of the target, and you were kind enough to run and pick them up for everyone. You had already charmed me, but on that day I loved the way you were so natural. ** [[Muhammad Reza Pahlavi]], as quoted in Farah Pahlavi (2004) ''An Enduring Love: My Life with the Shah'', p. 11 * She is still an exemplary supportive mother, and an affectionate grandmother who also occupies herself by continuing her support of charities that are at work in Iran. ** [[Reza Pahlavi]], as quoted by Christoph Lehermayr, [http://www.rezapahlavi.org/details_article.php?article=397&page=3 Der Sohn des Schahs spricht exklusiv mit NEWS.at: "Ich bin bereit, Konig zu werden"], ''NEWS.at'', September 15, 2009. * As queen, Farah achieved almost immediate popularity. She had several features that pleased the Iranians: she was 'fully Iranian' and also worthy of honour because she descended from the family of the Prophet. She was a brunette with deep black eyes of the kind most Persians cherish. (The Shah's outlandish taste for blondes was not shared by his compatriots.) Farah appeared to be slightly taller than the Shah, but this could not be held against her. The new queen's athletic physique and her well-publicised love of sports disconcerted some religious circles, but even the more conservative Iranians now understood that times were changing. ** [[Amir Taheri]] (1991), ''The Unknown Life of the Shah'', p. 162 == See also == *[[Muhammad Reza Pahlavi]] *[[Reza Pahlavi]] == External links == {{Wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Pahlavi, Farah}} [[Category:Monarchs from Iran]] [[Category:Architects from Iran]] [[Category:Memoirists]] [[Category:Shia Muslims from Iran]] [[Category:Immigrants to the United States]] [[Category:People from Tehran]] [[Category:1938 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Women]] gsoo277i6rcuoyuh3ofizcs3gb7to1f 3778518 3778517 2025-07-14T12:34:12Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Memoirists]]; added [[Category:Memoirists from Iran]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778518 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Shahbanu of Iran.jpg|thumb|I do not live in the past, I live in the present, always hoping for a brighter future. This is my message to all my countrymen.]] '''[[w:Farah Pahlavi|Farah Pahlavi]]''' (born [[14 October]] [[1938]]) is the former empress of the [[Imperial State of Iran]], and widow of [[Muhammad Reza Pahlavi]]. == Quotes == ===Interviews=== [[File:Shah Farah Leave.jpg|thumb|I shall never forget the tears in the eyes of the shah the day we left Iran. In that deserted runway and in the aircraft, my only thought was whether it was the last time or would [we ever] return.]] * I try to forget about the bitter past as I [also] recommend for my fellow countrymen. I do not live in the past, I live in the present, always hoping for a brighter future. This is my message to all my countrymen. **[http://www.rferl.org/content/Interview_Farah_Pahlavi_Recalls_30_Years_In_Exile/2111354.html Interview: Farah Pahlavi Recalls 30 Years In Exile], ''Radio Free Europe'', (July 27, 2010). * I shall never forget the tears in the eyes of the shah the day we left Iran. In that deserted runway and in the aircraft, my only thought was whether it was the last time or would [we ever] return. **[http://www.rferl.org/content/Interview_Farah_Pahlavi_Recalls_30_Years_In_Exile/2111354.html Interview: Farah Pahlavi Recalls 30 Years In Exile], ''Radio Free Europe'', (July 27, 2010). * I think, as a politician, [the exiled shah] had realized that the leaders were after their own political interests and they would very much like to establish relations with the [upcoming] regime in the country. But their inhuman behavior was terrifying, along with all the lies that the media would publish. I used to wonder for years, all those who wrote on the [subject] of human rights back then, how did they remain silent after all the inhuman incidents in Iran during the later years? [It was no] coincidence [that] the downfall of the shah [led to an Iran in which] the Iranians no longer had any human rights. **[http://www.rferl.org/content/Interview_Farah_Pahlavi_Recalls_30_Years_In_Exile/2111354.html Interview: Farah Pahlavi Recalls 30 Years In Exile], ''Radio Free Europe'', (July 27, 2010). * [Sheltering the shah and his family] was completely out of [President Sadat's] friendship and good human nature as he had no personal gain from it. Egyptians had not forgotten the help they received from Iran during their troubled times of war. **[http://www.rferl.org/content/Interview_Farah_Pahlavi_Recalls_30_Years_In_Exile/2111354.html Interview: Farah Pahlavi Recalls 30 Years In Exile], ''Radio Free Europe'', (July 27, 2010). * I remembered that when the shah was hospitalized, many foreign journalists came to gather negative reactions from the people of Cairo. But the opposite happened, the shop owners in the streets along with the general population were extremely glad to have the Iranian shah in their country. They considered us family who helped them in difficult times. **[http://www.rferl.org/content/Interview_Farah_Pahlavi_Recalls_30_Years_In_Exile/2111354.html Interview: Farah Pahlavi Recalls 30 Years In Exile], ''Radio Free Europe'', (July 27, 2010). * Regardless of all the pressures upon them, people are fighting bravely against this suppression. The success of Iranians all across the world is also the happiest thought. What I always say is that goodwill wins over bad. **[http://www.rferl.org/content/Interview_Farah_Pahlavi_Recalls_30_Years_In_Exile/2111354.html Interview: Farah Pahlavi Recalls 30 Years In Exile], ''Radio Free Europe'', (July 27, 2010). * I have always been fascinated with the arts. When I was in Iran in that position I was constantly concerned with promoting our Iranian traditional art but, at the same time, with introducing contemporary and modern art. **[http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2012/aug/01/queen-iran-art-collection Former queen of Iran on assembling Tehran's art collection], ''The Guardian'', (August 1, 2012). * I follow the works of Iranian artists even now, sometimes in Paris or in New York and I am happy Iranian artists are still great. Whether they are men or women, they have always been great. Despite all the pressure and censorship inside the country, they haven't been able to stop the creativity of our artists. Some have to work underground, like in cinema, and sometimes their work has political messages, but the number of our artists now has definitely grown in comparison to the past. **[http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2012/aug/01/queen-iran-art-collection Former queen of Iran on assembling Tehran's art collection], ''The Guardian'', (August 1, 2012). * The picture of today's Iran in the world is terrible, comparing the past and now. I'm happy that few years ago at the time of Tehran's post-election unrest in 2009, the world for the first time in many years saw the true face of Iranians and both people inside the country and foreigners once again reminded themselves of Iran's glorious civilisation, history and art. I hope the situation changes and they can have the regime they deserve. **[http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2012/aug/01/queen-iran-art-collection Former queen of Iran on assembling Tehran's art collection], ''The Guardian'', (August 1, 2012). ===Publications=== ==== ''An Enduring Love: My Life with the Shah'' (2004) ==== [[File:Shah and Farah.jpg|thumb|I found the king extremely attractive, naturally endowed as he was with all the intellectual qualities a woman could wish for in the man close to her heart.]] [[File:Fpsaman.jpg|thumb|I never thought that a person's worth came from birth or wealth, and much later when I was queen, and then in exile, I had ample proof of it.]] * I found the king extremely attractive, naturally endowed as he was with all the intellectual qualities a woman could wish for in the man close to her heart. His gentle, serious look, which could still be indulgent and warm, and his lovely smile touched me deeply. And there were other details I liked: the way he held his head, his long eyelashes, which I found unutterably romantic, his hands. Yes, I was secretly won over, charmed by him. ** Page 76 * The king was not marrying a princess; he was not giving in to the convention of arranged marriages between families of royal blood. No, he had fallen in love with a "little Iranian girl" and, as in fairy tails, he was going to follow his heart. ** Page 91 * I never thought that a person's worth came from birth or wealth, and much later when I was queen, and then in exile, I had ample proof of it. ** Page 91 * [The king] would assure me, a long time later, that he had said "I love you" to only three women. "One of them is you," he told me. ** Page 94 * The people of Tehran, from whom I came, were giving me their trust, adopting me, honoring me, although I had done nothing yet either for them or for Iran. I felt so moved and overcome that I promised myself I would do everything in mypower for these men and women, and for the children I could see perched everywhere. ** Page 99 * I came and knelt at the king's feet, and when he put the crown on my head, I felt that he had just honoured all the women of Iran. Only four years earlier we had been in the same category of the mentally handicapped: we did not even have the basic right of choosing our representatives. The crown wiped out centuries of humiliation; more surely than any law, it solemnly affirmed the equality of men and women. ** Page 157 == Quotes about Farah Pahlavi == * Do you remember the afternoon, at one of our first meetings, when we'd been playing quoits? There were a lot of us, quite a crowd. Most of the quoits fell on the ground instead of the target, and you were kind enough to run and pick them up for everyone. You had already charmed me, but on that day I loved the way you were so natural. ** [[Muhammad Reza Pahlavi]], as quoted in Farah Pahlavi (2004) ''An Enduring Love: My Life with the Shah'', p. 11 * She is still an exemplary supportive mother, and an affectionate grandmother who also occupies herself by continuing her support of charities that are at work in Iran. ** [[Reza Pahlavi]], as quoted by Christoph Lehermayr, [http://www.rezapahlavi.org/details_article.php?article=397&page=3 Der Sohn des Schahs spricht exklusiv mit NEWS.at: "Ich bin bereit, Konig zu werden"], ''NEWS.at'', September 15, 2009. * As queen, Farah achieved almost immediate popularity. She had several features that pleased the Iranians: she was 'fully Iranian' and also worthy of honour because she descended from the family of the Prophet. She was a brunette with deep black eyes of the kind most Persians cherish. (The Shah's outlandish taste for blondes was not shared by his compatriots.) Farah appeared to be slightly taller than the Shah, but this could not be held against her. The new queen's athletic physique and her well-publicised love of sports disconcerted some religious circles, but even the more conservative Iranians now understood that times were changing. ** [[Amir Taheri]] (1991), ''The Unknown Life of the Shah'', p. 162 == See also == *[[Muhammad Reza Pahlavi]] *[[Reza Pahlavi]] == External links == {{Wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Pahlavi, Farah}} [[Category:Monarchs from Iran]] [[Category:Architects from Iran]] [[Category:Memoirists from Iran]] [[Category:Shia Muslims from Iran]] [[Category:Immigrants to the United States]] [[Category:People from Tehran]] [[Category:1938 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Women]] 53ndh5jx7cfobtc2r4anv7gbvgw36nn 0 140191 3778802 3775059 2025-07-14T19:09:26Z 2601:18C:8A00:1C90:91A:9D04:485E:CD68 /* Dedede's Raw Deal [3.22] */ 3778802 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Kirby: Right Back at Ya!|Kirby: Right Back at Ya!]]''''', otherwise referred to as '''''Kirby's Dream Land''''' or '''''Kirby''''' for short, known in Japan as Hoshi no Kirby (星のカービィ Hoshi no Kābī, Kirby of the Stars), is a Japanese anime series created by Warpstar, Inc. and based on Nintendo's Kirby franchise. The series ran for one hundred episodes from October 6, 2001 to September 27, 2003. The series aired on Chubu-Nippon Broadcasting in Japan and on 4Kids TV in the United States; 4Kids Entertainment heavily edited the content and altered dialogue in the process. ==Season 1== ===''Kirby Comes to Cappy Town'' [1.1] === :'''Escargoon''': Monster!? That's ridiculous! There's no monster in this castle! :'''Cappy''': Yes, there is! It's big and it's scary and it eats everything in sight! :'''Escargoon''': That's King Dedede! There's no monster. Now go back to your homes so His Majesty can finish his supper in peace! :'''Tiff''': Hey, wait a minute, Escargoon! Not so fast! ''[Tiff, her brother Tuff, and their parents Sir Ebrum and Lady Like enter the throne room]'' How do we know you're not lying again? :'''Tuff''': Yeah, like you usually do? :'''Escargoon''': You have no right to speak to me that way. Your parents should slap you silly. :'''Tiff''': Papa, something funny's going on! :'''Sir Ebrum''': You might be right, Tiff. A monster is the kind of thing Dedede would love. :'''Lady Like''': The king must be behind this! :'''Escargoon''': You're a court official, how dare you accuse his royal highness! ''[to King Dedede]'' Want me to check 'em in for a two-week stay in the dungeon, sweet kingy? :'''King Dedede''': ''[Laughs and turns to face everyone else]'' A monster, huh? Would the monster happen to look anything that? ''[He points to a fish tank containing a small octopus]'' :'''Cappy''': That's it! That's the monster! :'''Cappy''': Except it was a hundred times bigger! :'''King Dedede''': ''[laughs]'' Well you can see this ain't no monster, it's my new pet octopus. And the only thing he likes to eat is sardines. :''[He drops one in the tank. The octopus eats it]'' :'''King Dedede''': Hehehehe. Little fella wouldn't hurt a fly unless it was on the end of a fish hook! :'''Escargoon''': Of course it wouldn't. Now get out and go back to your trailer park so the king can have his dessert! Go on! Poof, you're gone! :''[Tiff runs up to the octopus. The two exchange stares]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kabu''': Tell me, citizens of Dreamland. For what purpose have you come to consult me? :'''Sir Ebrum''': We seek your wisdom and knowledge, Kabu! For three nights a giant monster has been stealing our sheep. :'''Lady Like''': And it's robbing me of my beauty sleep. :'''Mayor Len''': King Dedede says it's not his monster... :'''Chief Bookem''': But I don't believe that rascal. :'''Tuff''': You know the truth, Kabu! :'''Tiff''': Please tell us where the monster is, Kabu, and how we can make it go away. :'''Kabu''': The monster is here. And all of Dreamland is in grave danger. :'''Tiff''': Why did he come here? :'''Kabu''': It was called here by your own King Dedede. ''[in the distance, Dedede and Escargoon are watching from Dedede's tank]'' :'''Escargoon''': Sounds like the big Kabu-na's got your number, crownie. :'''King Dedede''': ''[punches Escargoon on the head]'' That tattle-telling tiki! :'''Kabu''': The monster was created, by one far more powerful than King Dedede. :'''Chief Bookem''': I'd like to lock both of them up. :'''Mayor Len''': What can we do to stop them? :'''Kabu''': There is nothing you can do. :''[Everyone is in shock]'' :'''Sir Ebrum''': Oh dear! :'''Lady Like''': Oh dear me! :'''Falala''': Then is Dreamland doomed? :'''Tiff''': Can anybody help, Kabu? :'''Kabu''': There is one hope... a Star Warrior traveling through space... whose name is Kirby. :'''Tiff''': Kirby. :'''Tuff''': Yay, Kirby! :'''Tiff''': Hmmm, bet he's cute! :'''King Dedede''': ''[He and Escargoon enter]'' That's trash you're talking, Kabu. Ain't no such person as Kirby. :'''Escargoon''': That's right. You're full of Kabu-loney. :'''Kabu''': Kabu can see the future. :'''King Dedede''': Then why don't you predict what's gonna happen when I push this here button? :'''Kabu''': I predict you will not push it. :'''King Dedede''': Hey Escargoon, did ya hear that one? ''[laughs]'' Well I predict you're dead wrong! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': It's gotta be impossible, but your name wouldn't happen to be "Kirby"?! :'''Kirby''': Kirby! Kirby! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': ''[After Kirby saves her from falling to her death]'' Kirby just saved my life. :'''Tuff''': A monster wouldn't have done that, Tiff. :'''Fololo''': You're right, Tuff. :'''Falala''': Maybe Kirby is a Star Warrior. :'''Tiff''': ''[dusting herself]'' Impossible, Falala. Warriors are big and strong, not pink and puffy! ''[Kirby walks by her, surprising her]'' :'''Tuff''': Hey, where are you going? ''[Kirby runs faster, and he, Fololo & Falala give chase]'' Hey, wait up! :'''Fololo''': He doesn't understand! :'''Falala''': Don't let him get away, Fololo! :'''Tiff''': Some warrior. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': My parents work for the King, and we live in the castle. In case you were wondering, my name's Tiff. :'''Kirby''': Name Tiff. :''(Tiff gasps)'' :'''Kirby''': Name Tiff! :'''Tuff''': I'm her brother, Tuff. :'''Kirby''': Tuff. :'''Fololo''': And we're their friends Fololo... :'''Falala''': ... and Falala! :'''Kirby''': Fololo, Falala? :'''Tuff''': Guess Kirby must be a baby warrior. :''[Tiff, Tuff, Fololo, and Falala laugh]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Len''': ...And as Mayor of Cappy Town, I know I speak for everyone when I say we're pleased and proud to welcome our honored guest, the mighty Star Warrior Kirby. :'''Chief Bookem''': I can speak for myself, thank you. :'''Mayor Len''': Hah, we all know that, Chief Bookem. :'''Tuff''': Let's hurry up and eat. :'''Tiff''': Kirby doesn't understand what you're saying anyway. :'''Mayor Len''': Then let's dig in, shall we? :''[Kirby inhales everyone's dinner and then spits their accessories, plates, and silverware back out]'' :'''Kirby''': Poyo. :'''Tuff''': ''[yells in frustration and falls face-first on the table surface]'' I knew I should've started eatin'. :'''Tiff''': Hey, what's the big idea, Kirby? <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': Careful with that starship, snailbrain! Once we get it fixed, we can send Kirby back where he came from. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': Why does he have to be so abusive? Self-esteem issues, anyone? <hr width="50%"/> :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Welcome to Nightmare Enterprises, King Dedede. How may I assist you? :'''King Dedede''': Look, pal, I don't like to complain, but I paid you folks a lot of money for an octopus monster and it turned out to be a little shrimp. :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Just give it time, Your Highness, and I guarantee that little shrimp will grow on you. :'''King Dedede''': Alright. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': ''[screams upon seeing that Octacon has grown to its true size]'' HOLY CALAMARI! :'''Escargoon''': Get back in your tank, you overgrown appetizer! :'''King Dedede''': ''[tackles Escargoon]'' Find the receipt for this thing, 'cause I want my money back! :'''Meta Knight''': You had better leave, Sire. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tuff''': ''[about what Kirby did to Octacon's miniature octopus]'' He sucked 'em up. :'''Tiff''': Just like he sucked up our dinner. :'''Meta Knight''': It is Kirby's classic defense - inhale. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Meta Knight''': ''[about Kirby's transformation]'' That is Kirby's copy ability. After inhaling an attack, Kirby can transform himself. Kirby has now become... Fire Kirby. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': There goes my refund. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': Hey, I do believe we've been starstruck. ===''A Blockbuster Battle'' [1.2] === :'''King Dedede''': We gotta do somethin'. We gotta get rid of Kirby somehow before he gets settled in here. :'''Escargoon''': King Dedede, if you want my opinion-- ''[Dedede bonks him on the head with his binoculars]'' :'''King Dedede''': Who wants your opinion, when I want some monster that's gonna get rid of that pink pest once and for all? ''[activates the monitor and the N.M.E. Sales Guy comes on screen]'' :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Welcome back to Nightmare Enterprises online monster site, King Dedede. As you know, we offer a full line of powerful monsters. ''[shows several mini-monsters dancing]'' :'''King Dedede''': Yeah, well that octopus you sent me last time was a weaklin'. :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Now that we know your opponent is Kirby, all our monsters have new, improved attack powers. ''[gets beaten up by the mini-monsters]'' See what I mean? :'''King Dedede''': They look like rejects to me. I need somethin' strong enough to get rid of Kirby...for good! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': Kirby's sure strikin' out with the plates. :'''King Dedede''': Then let's see if he can slide. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': What is this, a paperweight? :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': No, King. It's a monster. A super-high density monster. We like to call him Blocky. :'''King Dedede''': What am I supposed to do, drop it in the road and wait for Kirby to trip over it? :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Just let me give you a little demo. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': ''[about Blocky]'' This thing's even heavier than you, Sire. :'''King Dedede''': Yeah. Big enough to beat Kirby! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': This here's an illegal gatherin', so if you rioters don't want to get incarcerated, cease and disperse immediately. :'''Mayor Len Blustergas''': Rioters? :'''Tiff''': Hey! We're just having a party. :'''Escargoon''': Oh goody. They're resisting. :'''King Dedede''': Then I enforce to use force. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': You dumb blockhead! :'''Escargoon''': We're sunk and so is he! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': I'm gonna miss my little Blocky! :'''Escargoon''': Well, Sire, it just goes to show you shouldn't take your monsters for granite. ===''Kirby's Duel Role'' [1.3] === :'''Tiff''': Meta Knight came here to see you, didn't he, Kabu? :'''Kabu''': He came here to consult with me about the threat to the planet. :'''Tiff''': Threat to the planet? What do you mean? :'''Kabu''': There is a secret empire of evil ruled by one known as eNeMeE. ''[does a flashback to a shadowed Nightmare placing Chess monsters on the chessboard in his lair]'' It is his plan to control the entire universe. He creates monsters and delivers them to customers like Dedede, who do not know their true purpose. But eNeMeE made one grave mistake. ''[Nightmare grimaces in pain as the shadowed sphere he was about to place on the chessboard has just stabbed his finger with a sword]'' One creature was produced that would not obey his orders, and eNeMeE fears it may defeat him. ''[Nightmare furiously slams the chessboard as the flashback ends]'' :'''Tiff''': The creature must be... Kirby. :'''Tuff''': Yeah, and that must be why eNeMeE's trying to get rid of him. :'''Kabu''': That is the likely explanation. :'''Tiff''': Well, we better get going. Thanks a lot, Kabu. :'''Tuff''': Hey, Kabu. Where'd ya learn all that stuff? :'''Kabu''': I learned it long ago, from Meta Knight. :'''Tuff''': Say what?! :'''Tiff''': From Meta Knight?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': Well, that pink punk ain't gonna make a monkey out of King Dedede. ''[starts driving back to his castle only to be interrupted by Meta Knight]'' Outta my way, Meta Knight! :'''Meta Knight''': Sire, it is my duty to warn you. Kirby has great power now. :'''King Dedede''': Yeah? Well, who's the king around here, you or me? :'''Escargoon''': Move it or lose it! :'''Meta Knight''': It pains me to do this, sire. But I'm afraid I must. ''[kicks Dedede's tank downhill]'' :'''King Dedede''': Hey! What's happening?! :'''Escargoon''': We're going backwards! :'''King Dedede''': I know that! Hit the brakes! :'''Escargoon''': They won't hold, we're gonna crash! :'''King Dedede''': Do something! :'''Escargoon''': Like what?! :'''King Dedede''': Break my fall! :''[The tank reverses off a nearby cliff and crashes off-screen]'' ===''Dark and Stormy Knight'' [1.4] === :'''King Dedede''': QUIET!!! ''[pointing at Tiff]'' You hiding something from me! :'''Tiff''': Hmph. :'''Sir Ebrum''': Please, Your Majesty, calm down. :'''Lady Like''': Use your brain instead of your mouth. ''[Sir Ebrum tries to shush her]'' :'''King Dedede''': Sir Ebrum. Lady Like. This here daughter of yours is holdin' information from me. She's keepin' secrets about Kirby. :'''Escargoon''': You've been aiding an alien, you traitor. :'''Tuff''': Well if she's a traitor, prove it! :''[Dedede and Escargoon laugh heartily]'' :'''King Dedede''': It just so happens I got proof right here. ''[holds up a picture of a familiar-looking scene]'' This picture look familiar? :'''Tuff''': That's Kirby beatin' the monster! :''[a flashback occurs to the time that Kirby demonstrated his powers for the first time and defeated Octacon]'' :'''King Dedede''': ''[tears another picture in half]'' Now what do you got to say for yourselves? :'''Lady Like''': ''[as she and the rest of the family look at the pictures]'' That Kirby is really photogenic. :'''Sir Ebrum''': Did you use a digital camera, Sire? :'''King Dedede''': Listen here! You two think you're so smart, don't ya? Well I'm a lot smarter. ''[holds up a picture of Kirby's starship]'' Kirby ain't goin' nowhere without this! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': I'll show them kids. If I can't earn respect, I'll just buy it... from Nightmare Enterprises. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': What's Kracko firin' at us for?! :'''Escargoon''': I don't know! I'm as shocked as you are! <hr width="50%"/> :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Just give it time. It'll get the job done. :'''King Dedede''': ''[sneezes]'' No way, José! You take it back! :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Sorry, Your Majesty. But our contract says that Kracko can't be sent backo! ''[laughs]'' :'''King Dedede''': That's a low-down dirty-- ''[sneezes again]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Meta Knight''': This is not a storm. It is a monster, brought here by King Dedede. It is called Kracko. :'''Tiff''': Kracko? :'''Meta Knight''': The king is jealous and suspicious of Kirby. He will do anything to get rid of him. So he has been ordering monsters. :'''Tiff''': I know. Kabu told me. :'''Meta Knight''': There is a company. They call it... Nightmare Enterprises. ''[starts flashback]'' It was created thousands of years ago, by one known as eNeMeE. eNeMeE's goal is to conquer the entire universe. To do this, he created legions of monsters and sent them throughout the galaxies. But they were challenged. Those who loved freedom fought mightily against the monsters. They formed armies, and called themselves Star Warriors. We fought bravely, but eNeMeE's monster warriors outnumbered the Star Warriors. Our ranks dwindled until only one Star Warrior remained. I was alone, injured, but alive. I had survived, and luckily, a spark of hope survived with me. :'''Tiff''': Hope? :'''Meta Knight''': Yes. The hope that I would not be the last warrior. ''[ends flashback]'' It was my hope that young warriors would appear. Warriors with new strength and new spirit. Warriors who would battle to defeat eNeMeE. ''[starts another flashback]'' That is why I came to this planet, to serve King Dedede. ''[ends flashback]'' :'''Tiff''': To serve King Dedede? Why would you want to work for anybody like him? :'''Meta Knight''': Starships are designed to automatically fly warriors to where monsters are detected. The king likes monsters, so I hoped a young warrior would come here. :'''Tiff''': You were right, Meta Knight. Kirby came here. :'''Meta Knight''': Yes, but too soon. Kirby's Starship detected the King's monster, but Kirby was not scheduled to awaken for another 200 years. That is why his ship crash-landed. He is totally untrained. He cannot speak. He can barely think! :'''Tiff''': Then Kirby is just a baby. :'''Meta Knight''': Yes, but luckily, he has great natural abilities. If he develops them properly, he may be able to defeat eNeMeE. And I can help him. :'''Tiff''': Then you are gonna help Kirby, aren't you? :'''Meta Knight''': My help will not be enough to make him a warrior. Kirby will also need your help. The Warp Star is the source of Kirby's power. He needs only to see it to get his power, but he is unable to guard the star for himself. It can only be kept safe by one who truly loves and cares for him. :'''Tiff''': Well I kept it safe so far, didn't I? :'''Meta Knight''': Yes, so far. But this monster is much more powerful than the others... Perhaps too powerful for even the Warp Star to help Kirby defeat it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Meta Knight''': You have done well. You hold the power to summon the Warp Star. :'''Tiff''': Uh, yeah. But can Kirby beat Kracko...? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Meta Knight''': Sword Kirby. :'''Tiff''': All right! :'''Tuff''': Come on, Sword Kirby! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': Kirby... just let me know when you need the star treatment. ===''Beware: Whispy Woods!'' [1.5] === :'''Tiff:''' Our planet's ecosystem is a marvel of symbiotic relationships among all living things large and small. Wow, isn't that amazing, Kirby? ''[notices Kirby is missing]'' Kirby? Kirby! :'''Tuff:''' I guess Kirby must've got bored and went for a walk or something. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rick''': ''[sighs]'' That Kirby could drive a dingo dingy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lady Like''': Well, if you took your news out of that nosepaper, you'd see that Tiff and Tuff haven't come home yet! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sir Ebrum''': What my wife means to say is that we don't get a chance to see you enough, Your Majesty. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': My plan worked! I laid out an apple trail, and Kirby got buried in a apple-anche! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': The letter tricked ya! Now get ready to have your trunk truncated! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': For too long, Dream Land suffered from the lack of a world-class golf facility, but once again our visionary King Dedede has taken wise, yet bold action! We now have this taxpayer-supported, closed-to-the-public, chemically-fertilized course where Whispy Woods once stood! ===''Un-Reality TV'' [1.6] === :'''Waddle Doo''': Let's go, guys! Speed it up! We gotta get a TV set to every house in town! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': Maybe some people wanna waste their lives watching this T.V. junk, but we have better things to do. Right, Kirby? ''[as Kirby slips in to watch the T.V.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': WE USED TO HAVE LIVES BEFORE TELEVISION!!!!! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Meta Knight''': King Dedede may be a despicable dictator, but you've got to admit he's got a funny shtick. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chief Bookem''': Looks like somebody's been feeding Kirby steroids! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': The studio's gone with the wind! :'''King Dedede''': That there's a loooow blow! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': ''[sighs]'' I am so not ready for my close-up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': That kid's got it all wrong. This here's a king-sized misunderstanding. Any events and situations depicted on Channel DDD is purely fictional! <hr width="50%"/> :'''One of the Cappy Villagers''': This show about rainbows has been on all mornin'. ''[regarding the T.V. with no signal]'' ===''Kirby's Egg-Cellent Adventure'' [1.7] === :'''King Dedede''': Look at all the variety. There's shy birds, fly birds, blue birds, two birds, crazy birds, and lazy birds! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': Remind me to install some escalators on this mountain. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ Dyna Blade had an egg she laid, E-I-E-I-O. But a handsome king had a plan he made, E-I-E-I-O. When Kirby eats that big old egg, Dyna Blade gonna grab Kirby by the leg, drag him away to a secret lair, finally get Kirby out of my hair. ♪'' Dyna Blade... Hey, look! :'''Escargoon''': Let's hide. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': Get Kirby, you stupid bird! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Meta Knight''': Our deeds bind us to fate as surely as the sun sets. :'''Tiff''': Could you say that in English? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': Kirby, I was only kidding! You'd be too tough for anybody to eat. ===''Curio's Curious Discovery'' [1.8] === :'''King Dedede''': There's only one bonafide ruler of Cappy Town, and that's me! King Dedede! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': Clear! Clear for talent! Well whaddaya know? That skeleton's a dead ringer for King Dedede. :'''Chef Kawasaki''': This means... there never was a Cappy King in the good old days. :'''Chief Bookem''': There wasn't no good old days, either. :'''King Dedede''': This makes my day! ''[laughs alongside Escargoon]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': Oh rapture! A tchotchke treasure trove! ''(sobs openly)'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': Remember what you always say. The most important thing isn't to show your theories right, but to dig all the way to the truth. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Meta Knight''': You have done a low-down thing, Your Highness. Holding these kids captive when they wanted the truth. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Prof. Curio''': Oh, let them get themselves out. I'm through digging up fakes, especially dangerous ones. ===''The Fofa Factor'' [1.9] === :'''Fololo''': Here we are, Your Highness. :'''Falala''': At your service. :'''Escargoon''': What took you fa-lolly-gaggers so long? This is urgent. :'''King Dedede''': Go see the fortune teller lady. Ask her how my luck's gonna be today. :'''Fololo''': Sure. Come on. :'''Escargoon''': Not so fast! No reason for you both to go. :'''Fololo & Falala''': ''[both gasp]'' :'''Escargoon''': Fololo can fly over the fortune teller alone. You stay here in the castle, missy. :'''Falala''': Fololo and I never split up. :'''Fololo''': Yeah, we're a team. Like peanut butter and jelly. :'''King Dedede''': Well today, just make like you're oil and water. And that there's an order. :'''Fololo & Falala''': Sorry. :'''King Dedede''': ''[growls angrily]'' Do what I tell ya! I'm the king around here! :'''Fololo & Falala''': ''[both shake nervously]'' :'''Fololo''': We answer to Sir Ebrum, Your Majesty. :'''Falala''': Yes. And to Lady Like, too. :'''Escargoon''': Maybe so, but you're servants, not relatives. They can't save ya if the king decides to toss ya out of the kingdom. :'''King Dedede''': You do what I say and split up... or both of you is outta here! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tuff''': But mom, who needs to know subtraction? :'''Lady Like''': You do, when I subtracts your allowance! :'''Tuff''': ''[gulps]'' Daaaddyyyyy... :'''Sir Ebrum''': Stiff upper lip, boy. Your mother's only joshing. :'''Lady Like''': Ebrum. If we don't teach Tuff discipline, who will? After all, we are his parents. :'''Falala''': That's right, Lady Like. You are Tuff's parents. :'''Fololo''': But where did we come from? :'''Sir Ebrum''': Oh, well, you see, one day, a rather large stork popped by and-- :'''Tuff''': Yeah, in your dreams, dad. :'''Lady Like''': Tuff! :'''Tiff''': ''[tugs on Lady Like's dress a little]'' Why don't you just tell us the truth, mom? We can handle it. :'''Lady Like''': Ah, we found them in a cribbage patch, sweetie. :'''Sir Ebrum''': Yes. The same place we got you and your brother from. :'''Tiff''': That's baloney! Where did they really come from?! :'''Sir Ebrum''': ''[as he and Lady Like move their children out of their quarters]'' No need to concern yourselves with ancient history. :'''Lady Like''': Too much thinking is bad for your brain. :'''Tuff''': Does this mean I don't have to do my math homework? :'''Lady Like''': Of course not, darling. ''[closes door]'' :'''Tuff''': You think we're gonna get weird like that when we get old? :'''Tiff''': Probably. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': Sire, a message from your fortune teller. :'''King Dedede''': Well? What's my soothsayer say? :'''Escargoon''': I'm lookin', I'm lookin'! It says, "If you look for trouble, your trouble will double." ''[gasps]'' :'''King Dedede''': Hmph. What's that mumbo-gumbo supposed to mean? :'''Escargoon''': I'm not sure, but there's more. :'''King Dedede''': Good. Is it next week's lottery numbers? :'''Escargoon''': If it was, I wouldn't tell you. It says, "Your account is past due. Pay up, you cheap tightwad!" ''[Dedede hammers him]'' Great. Just 'cause I'm a snail, I get slugged. :'''King Dedede''': Well I'll show her. I'm orderin' a new monster. :'''Escargoon''': Did you order me some aspirin? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': I'll tell you one thing. That's the first time in my life I had a good head on my shoulders. :'''King Dedede''': Yeah, it was real easy to carry 'cause it wasn't enough limit. :'''Escargoon''': Least I don't have a waist size as big as my IQ. :'''King Dedede''': ''[laughs]'' You're a real cut-up, Slice n' Splice. :'''Slice n' Splice''': Thank you, Sire. :'''Escargoon''': Yes, he's very entertaining. Maybe he could work in the document shredding department. :'''King Dedede''': Slice n' Splice, we're gonna have some fun. Let's go show Cappy Town what you can do. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chief Bookem''': What's that? :'''Mayor Len Blustergas''': Don't know, but it looks unfriendly. :'''King Dedede''': Them Cappy-ccinos need half-and-half'in'! ''[sics Slice 'n Splice on the townsfolk, resulting in a massive mix-up of their body parts with several screams let out]'' :'''Mayor Len Blustergas''': Oh, this is baaaa-d. :'''Cappy''': Aw, are you kidding? :'''King Dedede''': ''[laughs]'' Un-baa-lievable! :'''Escargoon''': Why'd ya have to go and mix us up with sheep? I know you like fleecing your subjects, but this is ridiculous. :'''Tokkori''': Just look at me. I used to be fine and feathery. Now I'm fat and furry. :'''Rick''': Have a gander at me, mate! A mammal's gotta be bats to want wings! :'''Tokkori''': I want my body back as much as you do, but that there monster's too tough for us to tackle. :'''Rick''': Crikey. Kirby's gonna have to give that beast a shalackin' so I can get me fur back. :'''Tokkori''': Let's go find him. :'''Rick''': Right. :'''King Dedede''': Say, you Cappies look kinda sheepish. Hah! Sheepish! That's a good one! ''[laughs]'' :'''Chief Bookem''': King Dedede! ''[Dedede looks at Bookem with a shocked expression on his face]'' Body-snatchin's illegal. :'''King Dedede''': So what? You may have my body, but I'm still head around here! :'''Mayor Len Blustergas''': We demand you return us to normal, your highness. We're one furious flock! :'''Chef Kawasaki''': I like lamb chops, but this is ridiculous. :''[the Cappies are speaking in a way that's considered unintelligible]'' :'''Escargoon''': Listen, we don't wanna start a stampede. Let's give their bodies back and go after Kirby. :'''King Dedede''': Good idea. I'm glad I thought of it. Listen up! I've done decided to be magnanimous and give y'all yer Cappy bodies back. Slice n' Splice, stick 'em all back together! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Falala''': Uh, you guys look a little mixed up. :'''Fololo''': What happened? :'''Tuff''': They got the right heads but the wrong bodies! :'''Tokkori''': No kiddin', columbo. :'''Rick''': His monster mixed us up. :'''Tiff''': What monster? :'''Tokkori''': Dedede's monster, and Kirby's gotta change us back pronto! :'''Rick''': I'm fed up with havin' feathers. :'''Rick & Tokkori''': '''''WE NEED KIRBY!''''' :''[Kirby comes running to everyone while saying "Fofa!" twice]'' :'''Tokkori''': There you are! We got big trouble, buddy-boy! :'''Rick''': Ah, mate's got a muzzle on his mouth. :'''Tokkori''': What's up with that, junior? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': Well, well. I guess we all have a male and a female side to our personality. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Boy Kirby and Girl Kirby laugh]'' :'''Falala''': I think we'd better keep it down guys. :'''Fololo''': Falala, they look just like us! See? One of them even has the same ribbon as you do. :'''Falala''': It's true, Fololo. :'''Fololo''': But at least they know where they came from. :'''Falala''': Yeah. Not like us. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': Freeze! :'''Slice n' Splice''': There's no escape. :'''Fololo & Falala''': Leave Kirby alone! :'''Slice n' Splice''': You two wimps think you can stop me? :'''Falala''': At least we can protect the Kirbys. :''[Slice n' Splice laughs as he raises the moon rod, ready to strike all four as Fololo and Falala brace themselves, only to stop and look on at them in recognition]'' :'''Slice n' Splice''': You look familiar. Yes, I remember. You're Fofa! Yes. I'm sure of it. You're Fofa. :'''Falala''': Fofa? :'''Fololo''': Who's that? :'''Boy Kirby & Girl Kirby''': Fofa! Fofa! Fofa! :'''Slice n' Splice''': Fofa was your name before I split you in two. :'''Fololo & Falala''': Huh? :'''Slice n' Splice''': ''[starts flashback and narrates]'' That was some time ago. :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Well, King Sucker's back to get his pocket picked again. :'''Nightmare''': Sell him Fofa. Better yet: chop it and charge him double. ''[laughs]'' :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Brilliant idea, eNeMeE. :''[Slice n' Splice carries Fofa to the Monster Delivery System]'' :'''Fofa''': No! Let me go, you creep! I don't wanna be sent to hurt anybody! :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': All you can do is float in the air, you useless little clown. We're splitting you in two. :'''Fofa''': In two?! No please, you can't! :''[the N.M.E. Sales Guy lets out a short mischievous laugh as Slice n' Splice splits Fofa into Fololo and Falala before they are delivered to King Dedede]'' :'''King Dedede''': These puny two ain't monsters. :'''Escargoon''': Yeah, two-for-one sales are always a ripoff. :'''King Dedede''': ''[growls and throws Fololo and Falala down to Sir Ebrum and Lady Like]'' Y'all look after these here scrawny rejects 'cause I don't want 'em. :'''Sir Ebrum''': Ah, but Your Majesty... :'''Lady Like''': We already have a brand new mouth to feed. :'''King Dedede''': Then ye're lucky these two ain't got no mouths! ''[laughs]'' :'''Falala''': So that's where we came from... :'''Fololo''': We used to be one, and now we're two. ''[flashback ends]'' :'''Slice n' Splice''': This was the very moon rod used to split you in two. :'''Fololo''': We're really Fofa. :'''Falala''': Fofa. I like that name. ''[laughs]'' We finally know where we came from! :'''Fololo''': Right! We're not just Fololo and Falala. :'''Falala''': We're closer than that. :'''Fololo & Falala''': We're really Fofa! :'''Fololo''': ''[as King Dedede gets up]'' I guess that's why we get along so well. Right, Falala? :'''Falala''': Right, Fololo! :'''King Dedede''': Hmph. :'''Tiff''': ''[as she and Tuff look on]'' Tuff, look. :'''Tuff''': I wonder what that sun rod does. :'''Tiff''': That must be the one that puts them back together. :'''Slice n' Splice''': You two will never be one again. :'''Fololo''': Yes, we will. :'''Falala''': We'll show you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': Drop 'em, twerps, before Slice n' Splice blenderizes you both! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': You know what to do. :''[Kirby begins his inhaling, catching Slice n' Splice off guard]'' :'''Slice n' Splice''': So you want it?! Take it! Here! :''[Kirby stops inhaling, catching Slice n' Splice off guard again and causing him to drop the moon rod, which he then happily inhales and transforms afterwards]'' :'''Tiff''': All right! :'''Tuff''': Nice goin', Kirby! :'''Fololo''': Yeah! :'''Meta Knight''': Kirby has transformed. He is now Cutter Kirby! Cutter Kirby can battle his opponent with the cutter on his cap. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': Okay, it's your turn. :'''Fololo''': Right. :'''Falala''': Do it, Tiff! :'''Tiff''': Get ready! :''[before Tiff can use the sun rod, Slice n' Splice explodes, causing it to disintegrate]'' :'''King Dedede''': Oh, Slice n' Splice didn't make the cut. :'''Escargoon''': Well that fortune teller warned ya, Sire, and I quote, "When you try makin' trouble, your trouble will double." :'''King Dedede''': ''[tightly hugs Escargoon in dismay and cries loudly]'' :'''Tuff''': It's too late to use it now. The sun rod bit the dust. :'''Tiff''': I'm really sorry that we couldn't put you two back together again. :'''Falala''': That's okay. We may have two bodies... :'''Fololo''': But we've got one heart. [he and Falala laugh and hug each other] :'''Kirby''': Fofa! ''[puffs up and flies for a short bit]'' :'''Tiff''': Kirby, say "thank you!" If it wasn't for Fololo and Falala, you'd still be two Kirbys. :'''Kirby''': ''[puffs out and lets out a confused Poyo]'' :'''Tiff''': He doesn't get it. :'''Kirby''': Fofa! :'''Fololo''': ''[giggles alongside Falala]'' I'm not Fofa. I'm Fololo. :'''Falala''': And I'm Falala. :'''Fololo & Falala''': Fololo and Falala! :'''Kirby''': Fololo. Falala. ===''Hail to the Chief'' [1.10] === :'''Mayor Len''': Lunatics! This is a road, not a bumper car track! :'''Escargoon''': It's your fault. I guess you haven't heard the King's always got the right of way. :'''King Dedede''': Just ask the DDDMV! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': You could have been hurt in that crash, but luckily your stomach acts as a built-in airbag. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tuggle''': The King's firing Chief Bookem? :'''Chef Kawasaki''': There goes my doughnut sales. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chief Bookem''': The Rough Rangers Squad is the toughest fighting force on the planet. My buddies and me got stuck in some real jams on the battlefield, but we never gave up. It's like us Rangers always say, Tuff: "Always try!" <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': Those bees gave me so many lumps that I feel like a bowl of oatmeal! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tuff''': ''[While Driving Dedede's Tank And Yelling At The Same Time]'' Driving sure is a lot harder than it looks! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chief Bookem''': What?! This isn't good! That road leads to the Booma-Dooma Volcano! There's no telling when that thing's gonna blow! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': Aw, my paper's in pieces! Grr... if that's how y'all gonna play it, i'm gonna up the ante! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chief Bookem''': ''[to the bees, about Dedede and Escargoon]'' Company bee, arrest these crooks! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': Leave us alone, don't pollinate something! :'''King Dedede''': Don't you dare sting yo king! ===''The Big Taste Test'' [1.11] === :'''Escargoon''': ''[shaking]'' You don't want to eat me! I'm bitter...r...r... <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': What better way to honor your King than to let him sauté you? :'''Escargoon''': ''[whimpers]'' I never thought I'd go like this... <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': ''[trying samples of Kawasaki's food]'' Tasteless! Nasty! Awful! This stinks! This too! Lousy! Putrid! Rancid! TREASON!!! Kawa-yucki, I oughta fry you up like a fritter! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': I know this came out of the oven, but it tastes like it came outta the sofa cushions! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': There's a word for this here stuff, and it ain't "food"! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tuff''': Popon? That's a wacky name. ===''Kirby's Pet Peeve'' [1.12] === :'''King Dedede''': What's that thing he's got? :'''Escargoon''': I don't know what he's got, but I've got whiplash. :''[Kirby and the Robot Pet scream "Poyo!" and bark respectively at them, angrily]'' :'''King Dedede''': That's one of them computer canines! I want one of 'em, too. Where'd he get that? :'''Escargoon''': I don't know. Probably from that toy shop in Cappy Town. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': Now what do I look like, some little nitwit? :'''Gengu''': I wouldn't say little. Definitely not. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': But even so, why would somebody make a toy with shock powers? I wonder. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gengu''': I wanted to make Kirby another pet, but nothin' can replace the friend he lost. ===''Escargoon Squad'' [1.13] === :'''Waddle Doo''': I'm sorry sire, but it wasn't my fault. Somebody must have sabotaged the drawbridge. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': But, I saw it, too. I heard footsteps, like somebody was following me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sir Ebrum''': I dare say we have a spirit among the spirits, if you'll pardon the unintentional pun, sire. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': Uhh... maybe it was just a pigment of your imagination. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': I bet it's one of those monsters. :'''Sir Ebrum''': Is this another plot against Kirby? :'''King Dedede''': I ain't plottin' against nobody! And there ain't no ghost 'cause there can't be no such a thing! :'''Lady Like''': But then what was it that flew in my window? :'''Sir Ebrum''': Why were those bottles floating?! :'''Tiff''': There's a ghost here! :'''King Dedede''': NUAAAAAAGGGHHHH THE GHOST IS AFTER ME! '''AND I GOTTA DO SOMETHING BEFORE IT GETS MEEEEEEEAHAHAHA!!!!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': I'd love to help you find the ghost, sire, but I'm afraid I'm just too afraid to. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': Get away from me, ghosties! Go spook out at some other king's castle! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Meta Knight''': It appears you were able to shamboozle us all, Escargoon. :'''Sir Ebrum''': By jove! You suddenly had me believing in ghosts. :'''Lady Like''': Tuff, I'm ashamed of you! :'''Tuff''': King Dedede is always doing stuff to scare us. Why shouldn't we scare him? :'''Kirby''': Poyo! :'''Tiff''': Well, I guess bad things happen to bad kings! :''[Everyone in the room but Meta Knight burst out laughing]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': ''[chasing Kirby, Tuff, Escargoon, Fololo And Falala]'' You all gonna be ghosts when I catch up with ya! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ghost''': Kiiing Dedede. :'''King Dedede''': Huh? Kirby? Fololo? Falala? Then who's that over there? :'''Ghost''': Pay what you owwwweeeee... ===''The Pillow Case'' [1.14] === :'''Escargoon''': What's wrong, Sire? I haven't seen you this mad since yesterday. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': Take it easy on those turns. :'''King Dedede''': Just hang on to my throne. :'''Escargoon''': I'll hang on to the throne, Sire. It's my lunch I'm worried about. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': I'm their number one customer, and they ought to acknowledge that once in a while. :'''Escargoon''': Well, maybe they would if you pay the bill every once in a while. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': Pillows? What're they for? :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Haven't you ever used one? They're for sleeping. <hr width="50%"/> :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': The nightmares these pillows cause are of your number one enemy. They'll be so bad, your subjects will get rid of that little pink pest all by themselves. :'''Nightmare''': Yes. And soon those sleepy-headed simpletons will be doing my work for me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': ''[Hypnotized]'' We must destroy Kirby. '''Destroy Kirby!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': Lucky little lump. ===''A Fish Called Kine'' [1.15] === :'''Tiff''': A fish who can write... :'''Kine''': A lot of fish are very educated because we spend so much time in schools. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': Me, your girlfriend?! :'''Tuff''': ''[Laughing]'' Yeah, Tiff. And he can be your Gillfriend! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chef Kawasaki''': Ah... the catch of the day. :'''Tuff''': Stop! That's not sushi, that's Tiff's boyfriend! :'''Chef Kawasaki''': Her... boyfriend? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': You see how dangerous it is? :'''Tuff''': You're lucky. You must have nine lives. :'''Kine''': Maybe that means I'm part catfish... ===''Flower Power'' [1.16] === :'''Dr. Yabui''': Noddy monsters can put their enemies into a deep sleep. I'm afraid little Kirby could sleep for a very long time. A century at worst. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Yabui''': The Pukey Flower is a golden bloom, found in the wilds of Babagahara. Legend has it that one whiff of this magic golden blossom is enough to stir one from even the deepest of slumbers. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Fololo & Falala''': Babagahara? I've heard of that place. No one who goes there has ever come back! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': This plant plan's startin' to grow on me. :'''King Dedede''': Yeah, that Pukey Flower's one bad blossom! It pops up little Noddy berries, the critters gobble them up, and the owners can't wake 'em. (laughs) :'''Escargoon''': They think a whiff of the Pukey will wake them up, but then the Pukey eats them up! :'''King Dedede''': And now it's time for Kirby. :'''Escargoon''': Lunch time. ''[the two burst into laughter]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kirby''': ''[snoring, sleep-talking]'' Picnic...picnic... :''[Tuff gasps]'' :'''Kirby''': ''[sleep-talking again]'' Pic...nic.... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tuff''': Kirby! Glad you're okay, buddy! ===''Here Comes the Son'' [1.17] === :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': WARNING: You have entered the Nightmare Enterprises web server and I want to know why. :'''Knuckle Joe''': There's a powerful Star Warrior livin' out there somewhere in Dream Land. And I'm here to destroy him. :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': In that case, I can be of assistance. And I wish you luck on your journey. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Knuckle Joe''': Get ready... 'cause now I'm comin' to get ya. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': <big><big>'''''GET THAT GUY!!! GUARDS!!!'''''</big></big> <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': You're a kid. :'''Knuckle Joe''': Don't let that fool ya. My name's Knuckle Joe. :'''Tiff''': Knuckle Joe? :'''Meta Knight''': What!? :'''Knuckle Joe''': Cut the gab. Where's the Star Warrior? :''[Tiff and Tuff gasp]'' :'''Knuckle Joe''': I know he's here. Where is he? :''[Dedede and Escargoon both grunt in confusion]'' :'''Escargoon''': Majesty, he means... :'''King Dedede''': Hm. ''[laughs]'' I happen to know just the Star Warrior you lookin' for. :'''Knuckle Joe''': Then spill your guts, tubby. :'''King Dedede''': Uhhh, tubby? :'''Escargoon''': Hey wise guy, this is the king you're talking about! You can't insult him because he's fat! Or because he's a big ignoramus! Or because he's a tightwad...''[gets hammered by Dedede]'' :'''King Dedede''': ''[clears throat]'' Sonny, I know just the Star Warrior you lookin' for, and his name's Kirby. :'''Knuckle Joe''': Look out... Kirby. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Knuckle Joe''': I come lookin' for a Star Warrior, and I wind up with a beach ball. This is humiliatin'. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Meta Knight''': There is no reason to battle Kirby, my friend. The one you seek is me. :'''Knuckle Joe''': Who are you? :'''Meta Knight''': I am the Star Warrior who defeated... your father. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Knuckle Joe''': He wasn't a father! He was a... weakling! :'''Meta Knight''': In this case, I am glad that he is gone, so that he doesn't have to see the monster you have become. :'''Knuckle Joe''': What? I ain't no monster! :'''Meta Knight''': Anyone who abandons his reason, and lives only by hatred, is a monster. :'''Tiff''': Knuckle Joe, what we do makes us monsters. And look what you've done to Kirby. :'''Tuff''': That's what a monster would do. :'''Knuckle Joe''': Wrong! I am not a monster! :'''Meta Knight''': I am not so sure. You lived on hatred. And that is what eNeMeE loves. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Knuckle Joe''': I told ya, Meta Knight... I'm not a monster. :'''Meta Knight''': I know, Joe. I know. <hr width="50%"/> :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': There's a little extra service charge for that special upload, King. ===''Dedede's Snow Job'' [1.18] === :'''King Dedede''': I've had it with this weather. I've gotta do something to beat the heat and cool down this kingdom! <hr width="50%"/> :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': We deal mostly in monsters, not home appliances, but I think we may just have something that'll do the job. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': You call this thing an Ice Dragon? Looks like somethin' you win in a carnival. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tuff''': Hey Tiff, this rain's frozen. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': I should've known all along! When moisture freezes, it crystallizes and becomes snow. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': This doesn't make sense. Cappy Town's never had snow before. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': Heh! He turned steamin' Dream Land into a winter wonderland! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Meta Knight''': Yes. Perhaps he is behind this... snow job. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chilly''': Chilly! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kirby''': Chilly! Chilly! Chilly! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tuff''': Chilly, you're made out of snow, right... but you're alive? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tokkori''': Snow's strictly for penguins. I ain't gonna freeze my feathers off! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': This weather ain't gonna be done with 'til Kirby's on ice, but Chilly's too much of a chump to do it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': So that's where all the snow came from. And Chilly, too. :'''Tuff''': That thing's huge! If this keeps goin'... :'''Tiff''': Dream Land's gonna be buried in a blizzard! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': You listen up, Ice Dragon. Stomp this fool into Chilly powder! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': It's too warm for a snowman to live here. :''[Chilly's hat and bell, which is all that's left of him, is shown sinking deep into the ocean]'' :'''Tiff''': Goodbye, Chilly. :'''Kirby''': Chilly...! ===''A Princess in Dis-Dress'' [1.19] === :'''Tiff''': And on that day, all of our dreams came true. The beautiful princess married the handsome prince and they all lived happily ever after. How'd you like that story, Kirby? :'''Kirby''': Poyo. :'''Tuff''': Ah, I think these fairy tales are bogus. All that prince and princess junk's all made up, anyway. :'''Tiff''': Maybe so, but fairy tales aren't supposed to be like real life. :'''Sir Ebrum''': Children! Children, we have incredibly exciting news! :'''Lady Like''': A princess is coming to visit Cappy Town! :'''Tiff''': What? :'''Tuff''': You mean a real life princess? :'''Kirby''': Poyo? :'''Sir Ebrum''': Yes, the princess Rona! She's making a tour of Dream Land and she's scheduled a short visit with us! :'''Tiff''': Princess Rona? :'''Kirby''': Poyo. :'''Lady Like''': We don't have time to talk! The princess is coming, we have to skedaddle! :'''Tuff''': He-hey! This is awesome! :'''Tiff''': You said princesses were junk. :'''Tuff''': Princesses in fairy tales are, but princesses in Cappy Town aren't! :'''Kirby''': Poyah! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': Say what? A princess? :'''Escargoon''': Her name's Princess Rona, and I've heard through the grapevine that she's a real peach. :'''King Dedede''': She sure sounds like a big hunk of heaven to me. :'''Escargoon''': Not so quick, King Casanova. How do you know she's available? :'''King Dedede''': ''[hugs Escargoon]'' Why else would she be comin' to Cappy Town but to find herself a royal husband? ''[throws Escargoon aside]'' Now get there straight to work! We gonna have ourselves a royal weddin'! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tuff''': Wow, Tiff, I never knew what girls could be like 'til I met Princess Rona. :'''Tiff''': And what is that supposed to mean? :'''Tuff''': Before I met Princess Rona, I thought all girls were like you. :'''Tiff''': Is that so? Well before I met Commander Vee, I thought boys were like you. But now I know they can be gallant and handsome. ''["Commander Vee" turns to her as if "he" just heard her. She gasps]'' I hope he didn't just hear me... :'''"Commander Vee"''': You must be Sir Ebrum's daughter, Tiff. I'm very pleased to meet you, Tiff. :'''Tiff''': I'm very pleased to meet you, Commander Vee. :'''"Commander Vee"''': And this amiable young man must be your brother Tuff. :'''Tuff''': ''[groans]'' What's amiable mean? :'''"Commander Vee"''': And who's your little pink pet? :'''Tiff''': Kirby isn't a pet! Kirby's a Star Warrior, Commander Vee. :'''"Commander Vee"''': Oh, a Star Warrior! I beg your pardon, Kirby! Please forgive my mistake. I'm especially pleased to make your acquaintance. :'''Kirby''': Poyo! ''[moves closer to "Vee" in a friendly manner]'' :'''"Commander Vee"''': ''[laughs]'' You're quite friendly for a warrior. :'''King Dedede''': ''[laughs and bursts in with a bouquet of roses in hand]'' Sorry to louse up yer lunch. Ah, blossoms for a blossom. :'''"Princess Rona"''': I am very grateful, King. :'''King Dedede''': Princess, I'm about to show ya the best time ya ever had in yer royal life. :'''"Commander Vee"''': I'm afraid that won't be possible. :'''King Dedede''': Yeah? Why not? :'''"Commander Vee"''': Her Highness needs to rest after a long journey to your planet, and she doesn't desire a tour guide. :'''King Dedede''': What's that? :'''Escargoon''': Are you sure? He knows where all the hot spots are. He knows where you can get a pizza at 3 in the morning. :'''"Commander Vee"''': It's getting very late. Good night, Kirby. :'''Kirby''': Poyo. :'''"Commander Vee"''': On behalf of the Princess, we thank you for your kind hospitality. :'''"Princess Rona"''': Yes. Thank you very much. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': That Vee vermin's makin' it hard for me to catch myself a queen. :'''Escargoon''': Well it's not all his fault. Honestly, you're not exactly personality plus. :'''King Dedede''': I'm gonna practice my proposal. :''[later, King Dedede, Escargoon, and the Waddle Dees have set up a scene to practice the marriage proposal, with Escargoon perched up high]'' :'''King Dedede''': ''[practicing his proposal to Princess Rona]'' Ah, sweet princess, of my heart. :'''Escargoon''': ''[swoons]'' :'''King Dedede''': From the moment I laid my big ol' eyes on your big ol' head, I knew you were my love. :'''Escargoon''': ''[swoons again]'' :'''King Dedede''': And to show you how much I love you, I wrote a little thingy. This is when we cue the music. You over there, hit the button! :''[The Waddle Dee starts playing the music]'' :'''King Dedede''': Oh, don't you know, I love you, baby yeah ♪ I love you ♪ :'''Escargoon''': I give you four stars for presentation. ''[gets hit by Dedede's notebook]'' :'''King Dedede''': Yeah, you'll see! She will be mine! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tuff''': You sure are popular, Princess Rona. :'''Professor Curio''': Greetings, Princess. :'''Mayor Len Blustergas''': Welcome to Cappy Town. :'''Chef Kawasaki''': Hey, Princess! :'''"Princess Rona"''': Thank you all for your warm hospitality. :'''Chief Bookem''': What an honor. :'''Professor Curio''': She's the prettiest princess who's ever been here. :'''Mayor Len Blustergas''': Well, she's the only princess who's ever been here, Curio. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': Hey, everybody! This is Commander Vee. He's in the Royal Guard. :'''Professor Curio''': Royal Guard, eh? :'''Tuggle''': What, no princess? :'''Mayor Len Blustergas''': He's no Princess Rona. :'''Tiff''': Hey! What's the matter with all of you? The Commander is a very important person. :'''"Commander Vee"''': Please don't be upset with them. I'd really be much happier if people didn't make such a big fuss over me. :'''Tiff''': You would? :''[Kirby starts inhaling the food at the stands, starting with Tuggle's hot dogs]'' :'''Tuggle''': Kirby, take it easy! Those are very filling! :''[Kirby inhales the cotton candy next, much to Mayor Len's worry]'' :'''"Commander Vee"''': ''[laughs]'' For a little fellow, he has quite an appetite! :'''Tiff''': Uh... :'''"Commander Vee"''': Kirby, do you mind if I try some? :'''Mayor Len Blustergas''': But that's just junk food. :''["Vee" tastes the cotton candy anyway]'' :'''"Commander Vee"''': Mmm. What do you call this? :'''Tiff''': ''[giggles]'' Commander Vee, haven't you ever had cotton candy before? :'''"Commander Vee"''': No, I haven't. But it's delicious! ''[to Mayor Len]'' Thank you, sir! :'''Mayor Len Blustergas''': Oh no, please keep your money, Commander. The cotton candy is on Cappy Town. :''[everyone laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': I know we're having fun, Commander. But don't you have to get back to the princess? :'''"Commander Vee"''': She can take care of herself a little while longer. We should all have as much fun as we can, while we can. :'''Tuff''': Hey, Tiff! :'''Tiff''': What's the matter, Tuff? I thought you were with Princess Rona. :'''Tuff''': I was, but she's so boring. I try to talk to her about stuff, but all she says is "How interesting." :'''"Commander Vee"''': ''[laughs]'' Well, Tuff, that's because Princess Rona has been taught to be extremely polite. Being a princess is a very boring job. :'''Tiff''': Boring? :'''"Commander Vee"''': That's right. You have no idea the kind of terrible life a princess has to lead. It's like no life at all! I'd trade a princess's life for yours any day! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sir Ebrum''': Did you get a glimpse of our coastline as you came in, Princess Rona? :'''"Princess Rona"''': Yes, it was so beautiful and interesting, Sir Ebrum. :'''Lady Like''': ''[sighs]'' :''[suddenly, the Waddle Dees close the curtains to the surprise of Sir Ebrum, Lady Like, and "Princess Rona", and King Dedede bursts in wearing a blue tuxedo and carrying a rose, dancing across the table towards "Rona" before the Waddle Dees generate smoke effects and Escargoon hands him a microphone]'' :'''King Dedede''': I wanna make you miiiine ♪ Oh yeeeah, babyyy ♪ How's about we get hitched, honey? :'''Sir Ebrum''': Good gracious! :''[Lady Like faints and Sir Ebrum catches her]'' :'''King Dedede''': Marry me, sugar pie. Can't you see I wanna make you my one and only flushin' bride? :'''Real Princess Rona''': Excuse me! :''[King Dedede gasps]'' :'''Real Princess Rona''': King Dedede, I see you still persist in trying to woo the princess. ''[the Waddle Dees focus their lights on her]'' However, the princess remains unmoved by your misguided affection. :'''King Dedede''': You stay outta this, ya pointy-headed pipsqueak! :'''Real Princess Rona''': Then the princess will speak for herself. :'''"Princess Rona"''': I am sorry, but I cannot accept your proposal. :''[Dedede's rose shatters like glass]'' :'''King Dedede''': ''[cries]'' I wanna marry the pretty princess! :'''Escargoon''': ''[To Princess Rona]'' You've broken the king's heart! ''[softly]'' How? I don't know, he doesn't have one. :'''King Dedede''': You've made a mock-aroon of me, Mushroom Head! Let's duel! ''[throws glove at Rona]'' :'''Lady Like''': Ebrum... ''[faints and is caught by Sir Ebrum again]'' :'''Real Princess Rona''': I accept your challenge. :'''Tiff''': Oh, no. :'''Kirby''': Poyo. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Len Blustergas''': I knew King Dedede was a chicken. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gengu''': That's no fair! :'''King Dedede''': Oh yeah? Well have you ever known me to play fair?! ''[laughs]'' :'''Escargoon''': You might wanna duck, sire. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': ''[laughs]'' Just what's he tryin' to inhale? :'''Escargoon''': Your sword there. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tuff''': Now he's Sword Kirby! :'''Princess Rona''': That's astonishing! :'''King Dedede''': Hey, that there's cheatin'! :'''Tiff''': Using monsters is cheating. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': That fish is fierce competition! :'''Tuff''': There's gotta be a way to beat it. :'''Chef Kawasaki''': I know a way. Just turn it into sushi! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chef Kawasaki''': Hey King Dedede, I didn't know you and Escargoon were into sushi. :'''King Dedede''': Get it off of me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Elder Pipi''': Princess Rona! :'''Princess Rona''': Didn't I fool you? :'''Elder Pipi''': I say, Princess. Surely not another disguise. :'''Chief Bookem''': Disguise?! :'''Mayor Len Blustergas''': That's the princess?! :'''Chief Bookem''': What's going on here?! :'''Princess Rona''': I beg your pardon for my subterfuge, kind citizens. My lady-in-waiting took my place and I her. :'''Elder Pipi''': I trust you have had enough enjoyment for a while. :'''Princess Rona''': We shall discuss this matter privately, but I enjoyed it immensely. :''[everyone laughs]'' :'''Tuggle''': Looks like you won't be catering King Dedede's wedding. :'''King Dedede''': My dreams are shattered. How will I ever fill this emptiness? :'''Escargoon''': Ah, just do what you normally do. Have seven cheeseburgers. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Princess Rona''': ''[now in proper attire]'' My friends, thank you for everything. :'''Tiff''': Thank you. It was an honor, Rona. :'''Princess Rona''': And Kirby... ''[the real Commander Vee, now in proper attire as well, hands her a medal shaped like her royal crest]'' For loyalty and bravery in the face of overwhelming odds, I happily present to you this medal of honor. ''[gasps and then puts the medal away]'' This is too formal. ''[gently kisses Kirby on the forehead as he lets loose a joyful poyo and Tiff giggles before she and her people depart beck for Planet Pipi]'' :'''Tuff''': Hope she lives happily ever after. :'''Kirby''': Poyo. ===''Island of the Lost Warrior'' [1.20] === :'''Tuff''': What are we going to do, Tiff? :'''Tiff''': I'm thinking! It takes time to come up with great ideas! :''[Tiff's stomach growls]'' :'''Tiff''': ''[looking embarrassed]'' My stomach thinks it's a great idea for us to find some lunch now. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kit Cosmos''': The joker who trained these monsters didn't teach them a blasted thing about guerilla tactics in the jungle. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': Kirby, I'm sure glad you made friends with Sergeant Cosmos. :'''Tuff''': Me too, but that guy's still kind of wacky. :'''Tiff''': He's been stuck on this island so long he thinks the Star Warriors still have an army. :'''Kit Cosmos''': ''[suddenly puts out Kirby and friends' fire that they were cooking their fish on]'' Are you kids out of your minds?! Lightin' a campfire at night will give away our position to the enemy! :'''Tuff''': Yeah, except we don't have any enemies. :'''Tiff''': And look. Now we don't have any dinner. :'''Kit Cosmos''': Tough luck. During some of my missions, I went weeks with nothin' to eat but dirt! A real warrior don't need no fancy luxuries like food! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kit Cosmos''': I salute you, Meta Knight! ===''The Empty Nest Mess'' [1.21] === :'''King Dedede''': Escargoon! Get this caterpillar off of me! :'''Escargoon''': I guess I used too much formula, but at least we know it works! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tokkori''': These two stole your chick, and they were tryin' to turn it into a flyin' freakshow! :''[Dyna Blade angrily glares at both Dedede and Escargoon]'' :'''Escargoon''': Uh, we can explain... :'''King Dedede''': But you ain't gonna listen, are ya? <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': Listen up, Dyna Bully! I'll have yer flyin' license revoked if you don't let us go! :''[Dyna Blade drops Dedede and Escargoon towards the river and they scream]'' :'''Escargoon''': I think our chances of survival are takin' a nose dive! :'''King Dedede''': This is all yer fault, and if I don't survive, you're fired! :'''Escargoon''': Let me hold on, maybe your belly will break our fall. :''[Dedede and Escargoon scream some more as they fall into the forest river below]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tokkori''': Well, junior, you're like a fly in a marmalade factory. You're always gettin' stuck in a jam. :'''Kirby''': Poyo. ===''Ninja Binge'' [1.22] === :'''King Dedede''': Ninja alert! Guards, track down that ninja before he gets away with the scroll! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chief Bookem''': You have the right to remain silent, ninja! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Benikage''': What's up with all this fake ninja stuff? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Benikage''': Keep away from the scroll, or prepare to battle a real ninja! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Benikage''': ''[sniff]'' They're plastic anyway...''[cries]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yamikage''': I want that scroll. Do not challenge me, or you will regret it. :'''Benikage''': Oh yeah? Well, that's what you think. I'm a ninja, too! :'''Yamikage''': Very well. You will have the chance to prove it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Falala''': The ninja in the dark armor... :'''Fololo''': We found out that he works for Nightmare Enterprises. :'''Falala''': Yeah. He betrayed the Star Warriors. :'''Tiff''': He's the traitor? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yamikage''': That was surely Meta Knight. Meta Knight and Kirby... someday, I will get my revenge. ===''Like Mother, Like Snail/Escargoon Rules'' [1.23] === :'''Tiff''': Who's so special to ya? :'''Escargoon''': It's my... it's my... It's my mommy! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chief Bookem''': Thanks to your son, crime is pretty low here. Of course, our taxes are pretty steep. :'''Escargoon's Mother''': Junior, you tax your subjects?! :'''Escargoon''': ''[to Mayor Len]'' No more taxes! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': ''[screams twice]'' You two's Escar-dentical! :'''Escargoon's Mother''': Why did that vulgar loudmouth call himself king? :'''Escargoon''': Eh... well... :'''Tiff''': Don't worry. That guy's just pretending to be king. :'''Escargoon's Mother''': He's pretending? But why? :'''Tiff''': It's his job to act crazy. Dedede's the court jester. :'''Escargoon's Mother''': Court jester? You mean he's a clown? :'''King Dedede''': ''[growls]'' :'''Tiff''': How's it going, Jester Dedede? I'd like to introduce you to Escargoon's mother! :'''King Dedede''': That's his mama? ''[laughs]'' Just goes to show your bananas don't fall far from the tree! ''[laughs even harder]'' Well at least now I can see where Escargoony gets all his looks from! :'''Escargoon's Mother''': Junior's always looked like me ever since he was a bitsy baby. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon's Mother''': Ahh, it's still so hard for me to believe that I'm the mother of a king. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon's Mother''': You're so kind. Oh, it must always be fun here with a jester like Dedede! :'''King Dedede''': I ain't no gesture! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': ''[horrified, about his Drifter parachute]'' It's been De-De-Disintegrated! ===''Sword and Blade, Loyal and True/Hour of the WolfWrath'' [1.24] === :'''Escargoon''': (after WolfWrath has gotten away from him and Dedede) Ah, I don't think it's housebroken. :'''Dedede''': That WolfWrath monster of yours better not wreck my castle. This ain't no doghouse! :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': I'm afraid WolfWrath doesn't take too well to training, Triple D. He's kind of a hot dog and if you try to break him, you'll get burned! ''[laughs]'' :'''Dedede''': Huh? It'll attack me?! :''[the N.M.E. Sales Guy laughs again]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': ''[about WolfWrath's battle with Meta Knight]'' Look, it's battling Meta Knight, not Kirby! :'''Dedede''': Grr... Meta Knight oughtta mind his own fleaswax and let WolfWrath turn Kirby into toast! :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Don't sweat it, Triple D. That monster can wipe out a whole army of Star Warriors. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': KITCHEEEEENNNNN!!! Where's the chow, ya chowder-heads? His highness is hungry up here! :'''Waddle Doo''': But we just served the king a ten-course meal. :'''Dedede''': All of them appetizers was un-appetizin'. Bring me ten different courses and make it snappy! :'''Waddle Doo''': Right! ''[he and the Waddle Dees make another ten-course meal and start bringing it to the king]'' Hup, two, three, four, we bring the food and he wants more, five, six, seven, eight, the king had better watch his weight. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sword Knight''': We should have stayed to protect Kirby. :'''Blade Knight''': ''[mumbling]'' Our promise. :'''Sword Knight''': We're sorry, kids. We won't let it happen again. :'''Tiff''': That's okay. The only reason you two were reckless was because you knew Meta Knight was in trouble. :'''Tuff''': You guys sure are loyal to him. How'd you meet him? :'''Kirby''': Poyo. :'''Blade Knight''': ''[mumbling]'' Long time ago. :'''Sword Knight''': Back when Meta Knight and the Star Warriors were battling Nightmare's monster armies. ''(begins flashback)'' The struggle turned the whole galaxy into a wasteland. To survive, we became bandits. :''[Meta Knight is running up the side of the canyon when Blade Knight and Sword Knight step in his way]'' :'''Meta Knight''': Out of my way. Let me pass! :'''Sword Knight''': Oh, we'll be happy to let you pass, for a price. :''[Blade Knight mumbling]'' :'''Meta Knight''': I have no time for your games. The monster that is chasing me is truly dangerous. :'''Sword Knight''': We're dangerous too. :'''Meta Knight''': I warn you. Leave now while you still have a chance. :''[WolfWrath's howl is heard above all three as it leaps down and attacks by surprise]'' :'''Blade Knight''': Away! Away! ''[mumbling]'' :''[Sword Knight attacks but is thrown aside by WolfWrath. It spits a fireball at them only for it to be reflected back by Meta Knight]'' :'''Meta Knight''': Run. Quickly! ''[Blade Knight and Sword Knight hide as he then fights back against WolfWrath and ultimately forces it into a nearby lake as the flashback ends]'' :'''Sword Knight''': We were just a pair of lousy crooks. :'''Blade Knight''': Meta Knight ''[mumbling]'' rescued us. :'''Tiff''': So that's why you follow him. :'''Tuff''': 'Cause he saved you both. :'''Sword Knight''': ''[about the weapons hung on the wall of their master's living room]'' Those things on the wall... We used them to rob and steal. Now they remind us of what fools we were before we met Meta Knight. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dedede''': ''[snacking on his latest ten-course meal]'' What's takin' them guards so long to track my monster? :'''Escargoon''': Finish your snack, sire. I'm checkin' the cameras. ''[sees WolfWrath blowing fire everywhere it goes, even at the cameras]'' Ahh! What's it doing?! ''[sees even more of the castle halls on fire]'' Ah! WolfWrath's a fire dog! :'''Dedede''': ''[gasps in anger and starts yelling at the N.M.E. Sales Guy]'' What're you tryin' to pull here?! That monster's barbecuin' my whole castle! :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Oops! I guess I forgot to mention that. WolfWrath needs to set fires to get the strength for its attacks. :'''Dedede''': ''[growling with anger, he's finally had enough and he gives an order to the Waddle Dees]'' Throw that WolfWrath outta here! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sword Knight''': Blade. Remember how Meta Knight saved us when WolfWrath cornered us? :'''Blade Knight''': Hm. Aye. ''[mumbling]'' :''[flashback to when Meta Knight and WolfWrath fell into the nearby lake]'' :'''Sword Knight''': Water is WolfWrath's one weakness. :'''Blade Knight''': ''[mumbling]'' Put it out. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': He's waking up! :'''Fololo''': The monster's fang is gone. :'''Falala''': The spell is broken! :''[Sir Ebrum and Lady Like hug each other in joy]'' :'''Tiff''': Thanks, Kirby. :'''Tuff''': Yeah! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sword Knight''': Brings back memories, don't it, Blade? :'''Blade Knight''': ''[mumbling]'' :''[last flashback of the episode begins, showing both Sword and Blade kneeling behind Meta Knight]'' :'''Meta Knight''': So. Are you two sure you want to join me? :'''Blade Knight''': You're ''[mumbling]'' great warrior. :'''Sword Knight''': We want to make your cause our cause. :'''Meta Knight''': I will tell you what we must do. We must search for a new warrior... one who will defeat eNeMeE and bring justice to our galaxy. :'''Sword Knight''': From that moment on, we became Meta Knight's followers. :'''Blade Knight''': And, ''[mumbling]'' loyal to him. :''[both Sword Knight and Blade Knight look on proudly at Kirby's triumphant pose with Galaxia as light from the sky shines down on him. The episode ends without the usual star fade-out animation]'' ===''The Flower Plot'' [1.25] === :'''Tuff''': Taking a hike to Whispy Woods was a cool idea! :'''Tiff''': It'll be great to see him again. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tuff''': What's special about this one? Dream Land's got lots of flowers. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Whispy Woods''': This flower is truly the most beautiful plant in the forest. Just looking at it makes me happy. I will keep it blooming here for as long as I can. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': Just from the way Whispy smiled, you can tell he's got a crush on Lovely. :'''Tuff''': A crush on a flower? :'''Tiff''': It must get a little boring in Whispy Woods with nothing but green trees every place. Lovely's brought new colors to Whispy's world! :'''Tuff''': Great, so what? Big deal. :'''Tiff''': Someday, you'll understand. Whispy's probably been waiting his whole life for someone to care for, and now he's found her. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': Here you go, Lovely. :'''Whispy Woods''': Thank you, my friends. :'''Tiff''': We're glad we could help. :'''Tuff''': I still can't figure out why Dedede wanted to swipe Whispy's flower friend. :'''Lovely''': It's because I'm a very special flower. :''[Kirby and co. react in shock and confusion]'' :'''Whispy Woods''': Who said that? :'''Tiff''': I-It wasn't me. :''[Lovely turns around revealing her new face]'' :'''Tiff''': Lovely can talk now! :'''Tuff''': Yeah, but how come it never said anything before? :'''Lovely''': ''[turns to face Whispy again]'' Your name is Whispy, isn't it? :'''Whispy Woods''': Oh? :'''Tuff''': I can't believe it. :'''Kirby''': Poyo! :'''Tiff''': I can't believe it either. :'''Lovely''': Thank you so much for taking care of me, Whispy. :'''Whispy Woods''': I never knew that flowers could talk like some of us trees can. :'''Lovely''': Well, I'm very glad I can so I can let you know how wonderful you are. :'''Whispy Woods''': This is amazing! :''[both Whispy and Lovely laugh heartily with each other]'' :'''Tuff''': If you ask me, there's something fishy going on with this flower since we brought it back from the castle. :'''Tiff''': I know. :'''Tuff''': And I bet you Dedede had something to do with this. :'''Tiff''': Shhh. Play it cool. :'''Kirby''': Poyo! Poyo! :'''Lovely''': You must be that brave Star Warrior, Kirby. :'''Kirby''': Kirby! Kirby! :'''Lovely''': Will you be my friend, Kirby? :'''Kirby''': Poyo! Poyo! Po-- ''[Tiff grabs him]'' :'''Tiff''': Well, we gotta get going, Whispy. :'''Tuff''': Yeah, see ya! :'''Whispy Woods''': Farewell, and thank you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lovely''': What are you doing here?! :'''Tiff''': Well, we... uhhh... :'''Tuff''': Uh, yeah, we... uhhh... :'''Lovely''': ''[to Whispy Woods]'' Your friends there have shovels. :'''Whispy Woods''': What's going on? What are you trying to do? :'''Tiff''': Well, you see... we were just gonna move Lovely to another spot where she can grow better. :'''Tuff''': Uh, yeah. Lovely's not getting enough sunshine here. :'''Lovely''': But I want to stay here, Whispy. Planted next to you forever. :'''Tiff''': Whispy, listen. We think King Dedede took Lovely turned her into a monster somehow! :'''Tuff''': It couldn't talk... 'til he changed it. :'''Whispy Woods''': Ridiculous! Why would he do that? :'''Tuff''': King Dedede still wants to chop down this forest. He wants to build a golf course, just like he did before! :'''Tiff''': Whispy, we can't take a chance. We'll dig up the real story! :'''Lovely''': You've got to stop them, Whispy! :''[Whispy restrains Kirby, Tiff, and Tuff with his roots]'' :'''Tuff''': C'mon, Whispy! Put us down! :'''Whispy Woods''': I won't allow you to do anything to harm Lovely. :'''Tiff''': Please, Whispy! Lovely's just trying to trick you! :''[Lovely smiles mischievously as she emits an aura around her and starts to grow]'' :'''Tuff''': Hey guys, look! Something weird's going on with that flower! :''[Lovely wraps her vines around Whispy's side branches and starts draining his life force even more]'' :'''Lovely''': Please, Whispy. I need your help to grow stronger. :'''Tiff''': Please don't fall asleep, Whispy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': Please, Whispy, you've gotta battle back! :'''Whispy Woods''': She's not a monster! :'''Lovely''': ''[laughs mischievously]'' :'''Tiff''': She is, Whispy, and she's gonna steal your life force and destroy you! :'''Whispy Woods''': You must try to understand. I will never battle Lovely. I'd rather perish. :'''Tiff''': But Dedede's gonna destroy your whole forest! :'''Whispy Woods''': ''[gasps]'' :'''Trees of Whispy Woods''': Oh, Whispy, please. You must help us. We're in danger. :'''Tiff''': Please, Whispy! :'''Tuff''': She's a monster! :'''Whispy Woods''': Lovely is not a monster! :''[Lovely laughs mischievously again as she proceeds to drain more of Whispy's life force, causing him to scream in pain and drop Kirby, Tiff, and Tuff from the grasp of his roots. Tuff goes to check on Tiff]'' :'''Tuff''': Hey, Tiff! :'''Kirby''': Poyo. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lovely''': Nothing you can do can keep me away from Whispy! Don't you get it?! ''[attacks Tiff and Tuff with her vines]'' :'''Whispy Woods''': Lovely! ''[blocks Lovely's vines with his roots to save Tiff and Tuff]'' Don't, Lovely! You mustn't hurt my friends. :'''Lovely''': But Whispy, these oxygen-breathers can't possibly mean more to you than I do. :'''Whispy Woods''': Of course not, but try to understand. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': Lovely did come back! :'''Tuff''': But now there's a whole bunch of flowers! :'''Kirby''': Lovely! Lovely! Lovely! :'''Tiff''': Thanks to Lovely, there's gonna be beautiful flowers in this forest forever. :'''Kirby''': Lovely! :'''Whispy Woods''': Thank you, Lovely. You kept your promise. :'''Kirby''': Lovely! Lovely! ===''Labor Daze'' [1.26] === :'''Tiff''': Mr. Curio, how's your archeological research coming along? :'''Professor Curio''': Alright, I suppose, but there's still a great deal of work ahead. :'''Tiff''': Sounds like you're working too hard. There's more to life than just work. :'''Professor Curio''': You're right, Tiff. That's a good thing to remember. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tuggle''': Dedede's buildin' something pretty big. :'''Tiff''': From the looks of all that heavy equipment, I bet it's some kind of factory. :'''Melman''': So... what is a factory, Tiff? :'''Chef Kawasaki''': It must have something to do with facts. :'''Tiff''': No, a factory's a big place where they build things. :'''Mayor Len Blustergas''': Well, you don't say! That's good news. :'''Chief Bookem''': Hmph. I'd like to know what they're building. :''[King Dedede and Escargoon drive in]'' :'''King Dedede''': A---ttention citizens and everybody else living here! Thanks to me, Cappy Town's finally gonna join up with the Industrial Revolution! :'''Mayor Len Blustergas''': Industrial? :'''Chief Bookem''': Revolution? :'''Escargoon''': That's right, you backward bumpkins. It's time to ditch your darning needles, get your heads out of your butter churns, and say "howdy-do" to the 21st century! :'''King Dedede''': When tomorrow morning comes and you hear that siren sound, mosey on down to the factory here and witness a shiny new future! ''[he and Escargoon both laugh]'' :'''Escargoon''': There are your new uniforms... and wear some undergarments! :''[everyone checks out the new factory work uniforms]'' :'''Mabel''': Oh, I love the color! :'''Buttercup''': A no-nonsense garment. Oh! :'''Tiff''': These look like prison uniforms. :'''Escargoon''': Ah, hold your comments. What are you, a fashion model? :'''Tuff''': What happens if we put 'em on? :'''Escargoon''': You get to hang out at the Dedede Factory as long as you want. :'''King Dedede''': Yeah, and you also get free household appliances! :''[everyone but Tiff reacts in excitement]'' :'''Chef Kawasaki''': That sounds great! :'''Tuggle''': When will the factory be completed? :'''Escargoon''': First thing tomorrow morning! :'''King Dedede''': I'll see ya at the grand opening, folks! ''[he and Escargoon both laugh again]'' :'''Tiff''': I don't trust 'em, Kirby. :'''Kirby''': Poyo? :'''Tuff''': Oh, don't be such a spoilsport. This factory thing sounds like fun! :'''Tiff''': We'll see about that. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lady Like''': It's a smoke factory. :'''Sir Ebrum''': I don't think so, my dear. :'''Tuff''': It's totally awesome, isn't it, Tiff? :'''Tiff''': If Dedede's involved, I bet it's totally awful. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sir Ebrum''': I say, this smoke is horrid. :'''Lady Like''': I hope the air quality inside is better than outside. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': Hey, Kirby! :'''Escargoon''': He's all packed and shipped by now. :'''Tiff''': Well, if you're not gonna do anything to save Kirby, I will! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': Say no to unfair treatment! Demand better working conditions! Know your rights! :'''Cappy''': ''[throws tomato at Tiff]'' Get lost. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': All the trees and all the plants are dying away. That factory's ruined everything. If we only knew this before. :'''Meta Knight''': This kind of destruction is caused by... acid rain. :'''Tiff''': Acid rain? :'''Meta Knight''': It is created when toxic chemicals contaminate the atmosphere. :'''Tiff''': We gotta shut that place down... but, I don’t know. I’m not sure anybody will want to as long as they get their free appliances. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Waddle Doo''': So, I see the troublemaker’s back. :'''Escargoon''': I hope you’re not here to rouse more rabble. :'''Tiff''': Nope. Now I want to be a team player so I can get a new TV. :'''Waddle Doo''': What do you think? :'''Escargoon''': Welcome aboard, sweetie! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tuff''': So you came. :'''Tiff''': I’m here to work. :'''Tuff''': You’re gonna love it here on the line, Tiff. Now you can get cool stuff! :'''Tiff''': Tuff, there’s something suspicious about these parts you’re working on. :'''Tuff''': Like what? :'''Tiff''': I’m gonna find out for myself. :'''Tuff''': Me first. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': ''[laughs]'' Ice Dragon Robot! :'''Escargoon''': It's our coolest monster yet, built by our little Cappy friends. :'''Tuff''': Uh oh. :'''Tiff''': Dedede made us think he was making appliances, but he was really building a giant robot. :'''Tuff''': That creep! I'd like to tear it apart with my bare hands! :'''Fololo''': Me too! :'''Falala''': So would I! :'''Tuff''': Well, I'm gonna do it! :'''Tiff''': Tuff, no. ''[Tuff makes a mad dash towards the Ice Dragon Robot anyway]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': They're growing already! :'''Tuff''': That's good news. :'''Kirby''': Poyo. ''[picks a flower; Tiff and Tuff laugh heartily]'' :'''Mayor Len Blustergas''': Be careful with those flowers. They've only recently begun to grow back! :'''Hana''': You must have respect for nature! :'''Tuff''': Well, at least things are gettin' back to normal around Cappy Town. :'''Professor Curio''': The danger inherent in learning a lesson is that what is readily apparent at the outset becomes obscure as time passes, and what was once clear inexorably fades from memory. :'''Tuff''': What's that mean? :'''Tiff''': Nevermind. We all learned that you shouldn't mess around with nature. Right, Kirby? ==Season 2== ===''The Hot Shot Chef / A Spice Odyssey'' [2.1] === :'''King Dedede''': Yuck! <big>Yuck!!</big> <big><big>'''YUCK!!!'''</big></big> This slop ain't fit for a doggone dog! There's gotta be something here that's eatable! ''[takes a bite of a salad, chews for a few seconds then bursts into tears]'' I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE! :'''Escargoon''': But Majesty, we've got other choices. Instant noodles, cat food, crunchy liver-and-bacon dog treats, hmm? ''[Dedede looms over him]'' :'''King Dedede''': <big><big>'''I WANT SOMETHIN' TASTY!!!!!'''</big></big> :''[later, at Restaurant Kawasaki...]'' :'''King Dedede''': Yuck! <big>Yuck!!</big> <big><big>'''YUCK!!!'''</big></big> THIS TASTES LIKE TRASH!!! Kawasaki, ain't you got nothing digestion-able in this here dump!? :'''Chef Kawasaki''': Sorry, Sire. That's every dish on the menu. :'''King Dedede''': You ain't no chef, YOU'RE A GARBAGEMAN!! :'''Escargoon''': Come clean, Kawasaki. All chefs have secret recipes. Don't hold out on us! :'''Chef Kawasaki''': I'm not! That's all I have! :'''King Dedede''': What a loser. Let's get out of here. :'''Chef Kawasaki''': But what about your bill? :'''King Dedede''': Forget it, pizza-face! ''[throws a pizza at Kawasaki]'' :'''Chef Kawasaki''': ''[tastes the pizza]'' It tastes okay to me... <hr width="50%"/> :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Greetings, Triple D. :'''King Dedede''': I need a top-class chef for my new restaurant. :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': You owning a restaurant is like a termite owning a lumber yard. :'''King Dedede''': I’ll revolutionize Cappy Town’s coo-zine, then I’ll flambé Kirby in a food-for-all. :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': That's an appetizing proposition. Sit back while we cook up a cook! :''[the Monster Delivery system activates, and Monsieur Goan emerges from the Monster Transmitter]'' :'''King Dedede''': He looks real continental-like. :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': N.M.E. Sales Guy: May I introduce... Monsieur Goan! :'''Monsieur Goan''': Voilà! Le tournedos. :'''King Dedede''': Tornado? :'''Escargoon''': Not tornado. Tournedos. That's a fancy foreign language, Sire. ''[gets bonked by Dedede]'' :'''King Dedede''': I was joking, ya beanhead! :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Take a taste, Your Majesty. See what you think of his cooking. :''[Dedede tastes Goan's cooking. He enjoys the taste]'' :'''King Dedede''': Whoo! Yeah! This guy’s chow is full of pow! :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': I take it that’s a thumbs up. :'''King Dedede''': Yuuum! ''[eats more of Goan's tasty food]'' :'''Escargoon''': I want some! I want some! Just a teensy-weensy taste... ''[reaches for Goan's food but gets bonked again]'' :'''King Dedede''': This is yuuum-tastic! ''[licks the last of the sauce on Goan's dish]'' This sauce is sauce-alicious! ''[hands his now-empty plate back to Goan]'' Monsieur Goan, first we're gonna tickle them Cappies' taste buds. Then we're gonna tackle Kirby! :'''Monsieur Goan''': Oui. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': Bonsoir! :'''Mayor Len Blustergas''': My wife and I are honored to be your first customers. :'''Hana''': I love the decor. It's so elegant! :'''Escargoon''': No expense has been spared to create the ultimate dining experience for the citizens of Cappy Town. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gus''': Well, how's the chow? :'''Gengu''': Did you like it? :'''Mayor Len Blustergas''': It was heavenly. :'''Hana''': On a scale of 1 to 10, I'd give it 100! :'''Tuff''': But how much did you pay? :'''Mayor Len Blustergas''': Just $5! :'''Tuggle, Gus, & Gengu''': Say what?! :'''Samo, Yabui, & Mabel''': 5 bucks?! :'''Melman, Buttercup, & Shepherd''': Oh boy! :'''Chef Kawasaki''': I'm through. :'''Professor Curio''': I've got to try this place! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Buttercup''': They say that chef is from some fancy foreign country. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Professor Curio''': Mmm... the flavors are fascinating. I wonder what that delightfully tangy taste is? :'''Escargoon''': That's essence of kumquat, also found in this dish. :'''Chief Bookem''': Hmm. I'm not sure I'm gonna like orange food. :'''Escargoon''': We feel an adventurous pallet is a happy pallet. :'''Buttercup''': Marvelous! :'''Escargoon''': And now we present... tonight's main entrée! :''[Goan enters and serves several dishes of two pieces of meat, a small piece of salad, and a strawberry each]'' :'''Tuff''': Wah! That's it? :'''Escargoon''': It may be tiny, but what's there is grade A, top of the line quality! :'''Tuff''': But... :'''Escargoon''': Just taste it and see! :''[Kirby and the family try their bites]'' :'''Lady Like''': The food is fantastico! :'''Sir Ebrum''': Absolutely smashing, Escargoon! :'''Escargoon''': Monsieur Goan will be delighted! :'''Tuff''': More, please! :''[Tiff, however, is feeling disgusted]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chef Kawasaki''': I can't even give my food away. :'''Tuff''': What are you gonna do? :'''Tiff''': I guess you can always pay people to eat here. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chef Kawasaki''': Kirby, did you put all of those peppers in the chowder?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chef Kawasaki''': ''[sighs]'' He was my only customer and I turned him into a flamethrower... <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': If it's hot they want, we'll give 'em volcanic vittles! :'''Monsieur Goan''': Oui! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': They're servin' up a special sorbet! We gotta counterattack 'em fast! :'''Chef Kawasaki''': It's done. This dish is so hot, it may burn through the pot. :'''Tiff''': What is it? :'''Chef Kawasaki''': I call it Toxic Atomic Curry. When they get a taste of this, I'll be the hottest chef in town! ''[laughs maniacally]'' :'''Tiff''': But people are gettin' tired of spicy food. We- :'''Chef Kawasaki''': Tell me, Tiff. Where's Kirby? :'''Tiff''': Kirby? He's across the street eating. :'''Chef Kawasaki''': Too bad, I'll taste it myself. I can take the heat. ''[tastes his new Superspicy Curry and becomes ablaze]'' :'''Tiff''': ''[gasp]'' You're on fire! :'''Chef Kawasaki''': Hahahaa-haha! Atomic Curry! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': Who wants to see what Monsieur Goan's gonna cook up now? :'''Cappies''': I do! :'''King Dedede''': Take it away, Monsieur Goan! :'''Monsieur Goan''': Okay. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tuff''': Kirby's in trouble! :'''Tiff''': That monster knows every trick in the book! :'''Meta Knight''': You mean in the cookbook! :'''Tiff''': Hey, that's a pretty good one! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': ''[Laughing]'' Won't be long now, Kirby! :'''Kirby''': ''[freezes]'' :'''Tiff''': Kirby! :'''Escargoon''': Relax, you'll feel a lot better when you try a bracing bowl of Kirby sorbet. :'''King Dedede''': Just chill out, Kirby. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tuff''': Yeah! He's Fire Kirby! :'''Meta Knight''': No, that's the heartburn from Kawasaki's cooking. :'''Chef Kawasaki''': I finally out-spiced Kirby! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': Alright, what's this all about a punishment? :'''King Dedede''': If you ask me, it's punishment enough to mangle with the peasants! :'''Tiff''': Listen, you tried to make everybody eat Kirby, so now it's your turn. :''[King Dedede and Escargoon gasp together in confusion]'' :'''Tuff''': You gotta eat Kawasaki's Toxic Atomic Curry! :''[Dedede and Escargoon laugh at the ridiculous-sounding thought of eating Toxic Atomic Curry]'' :'''King Dedede''': What'chu mean? That ain't no kind of punishment at all! :'''Escargoon''': There's nothing you can cook up that's too hot for us to handle! :'''Chef Kawasaki''': Here you go! ''[serves Dedede and Escargoon the Toxic Atomic Curry]'' :'''King Dedede''': Looks wimpy! :'''Escargoon''': Yeah, no sweat! :''[Dedede and Escargoon try their bites of the Toxic Atomic Curry, then they turn red and scream as they become ablaze and then turn into ashes. Everyone laughs but then Kirby coughs up a small flame and becomes confused]'' ===''Hatch Me if You Can'' [2.2] === :'''Tiff''': Wish I had a sweater, it's gettin' chilly out. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chief Bookem''': Hmm. No missing egg reports coming yet. Nobody broke into any nests, lately. I guess Kirby can go back to sittin' on the egg. :'''Tiff''': Chief Bookem... :'''Tuff''': We wanna know how it got here. :'''Chief Bookem''': Sorry, kids. I’m afraid I can’t help you there. I’m a cop, not a detective. :'''Chef Kawasaki''': I bet this thing’d make a great omelet! :'''Tuff''': He’s no help. :'''Tiff''': Mr. Curio? :'''Professor Curio''': Hmmm... I’m not absolutely certain, but this may be the world’s largest cue-ball! :'''Tiff''': So I guess that means you don’t know. :'''Professor Curio''': Well, it’s certainly an egg of some kind, but I don’t know precisely what kind. :'''Tuff''': This is hopeless. :'''Tiff''': Maybe the doctor’ll know. :'''Dr. Yabui''': Well, I can’t find anything wrong with him. It seems like he’s healthy enough. :'''Tiff'''': We know Kirby’s okay, Doctor. We wanna know about the egg! :'''Doctor Yabui''': Oh! I’m sorry. I assumed Kirby was the one who laid the egg. :'''Tuff''': I know it sounds kinda wacky, but maybe Kirby’s a bird. :'''Falala''': Hmm, maybe that’s why he likes to sleep in Tokkori’s nest every night. :'''Tiff''': Just because he acts like a bird doesn’t mean he is one! :'''Professor Curio''': If the idea of laying an egg got into Kirby’s head... :'''Chief Bookem''': ...that’d make him an egghead! :'''Tiff''': Well, they're not gonna be any help. I'm gonna have to crack this egg case myself. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': Aha! "The common cuckoo: This bird lays its eggs in the nest of other birds, leaving their offspring to be hatched and raised by the inhabitants of the invaded nest." :'''King Dedede''': Well lookie here. Little Miss Brainy's got 'er nose stuck inside another book. :'''Escargoon''': Reading up on egg-xistentialism? :'''Tiff''': I bet you two are the ones who stuck that egg in Tokkori's nest. :'''King Dedede''': Now why would we do something like that? :'''Escargoon''': How do you know it's not really Kirby's anyway? After all, it wouldn't be the first time that little dodo bird laid an egg. :'''King Dedede''': Laid a egg! :''[Tiff growls at what Dedede and Escargoon had just said]'' :'''Escargoon''': I hope this works, sire. :'''King Dedede''': Wait'll they see what hatches. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rick''': It's rainin' cats and dogs, but I never thought an egg would rain on me' 'ead! Look, mate, that egg of yours won't hatch if you don't protect it from the cold and rain. Here's a trick a platypus taught me. ''[surrounds the Galbo egg with a ring of grass and provides Kirby with a leaf to shield it with]'' That'll shelter the shell from the rain, but you're going to have to help the little fella stay cozy. Just like this. ''[incubates the egg for a second]'' Now, you try. ''[Kirby incubates the egg]'' Righto! Good luck, Kirby! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Fololo''': What is that?! :'''Falala''': Look at those teeth! :'''Tuff''': That's the ugliest bird I ever saw! :'''Tiff''': I don't think that's a bird. It doesn't even have wings! :'''Tuff''': Well, what is it then? :'''Tiff''': It's a... thing. :''[the baby Galbo hops towards Kirby, frightening his friends for a bit. It starts snuggling and playing with Kirby. Tiff attempts to pet the baby Galbo, but it hops away from her. Tuff, Fololo, and Falala all laugh]'' :'''Tuff''': The thing likes Kirby, but it thinks Tiff's too scary! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': That baby monster finally hatched! :'''Escargoon''': But payin' for two monsters is expensive. I hope this plan works! :'''King Dedede''': It'll work 'less you do somethin' to mess it up! :'''Escargoon''': I'm sure it'll work like a charm. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': Kirby's gonna have a full-time job keepin' that thing fed. :'''Tuff''': Let's go get lunch! Watchin' it eat so much is makin' me hungry. :'''Tiff''': Good idea. We'll let them get acquainted. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Honey''': ''[about the baby Galbo]'' That thing looks really weird. :'''Spikehead''': Yeah. It's mouth takes up its whole face almost! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chief Bookem''': That creature's got to be stopped! :'''Chef Kawasaki''': It's a public menace, that's what it is. :'''Tiff''': What do you mean? It's only a baby. :'''Dr. Yabui''': Just a baby?! :'''Tuggle''': Yeah, right. ===''Cappy New Year'' [2.3] === :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Hey there. Happy New Year's Eve, Triple D! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': This new year's gonna be a blast. ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chef Kawasaki''': I heard that up north the folks all ring bells right at midnight to welcome in the new year. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gus''': Well out in the country, they start to party at noon and boogie on down to the break of dawn! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Professor Curio''': In some places, everyone pauses a moment to reflect on the year passed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tokkori''': Yeah, let's go to bed at 11! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': We can create our own celebration. We can do whatever we want to! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tuff''': That sure was some explosion! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sir Ebrum''': Dear, perhaps we should build a float. :'''Lady Like''': It's a wonderful idea, darling, but I'd feel a lot safer if we knew what the King was planning to do with his new monster. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': That monster's a pyrotechnomaniac! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Len Blustergas''': The old year has ended, and to officially welcome in the new year, we're proud to present the brand new Cappy Town celebration; our first annual Float and Firework Show! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Len Blustergas''': It's almost midnight! So ten... :'''All''': ...9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... ''[fireworks occur behind Parasol Kirby]'' HAPPY NEW YEAR! :'''Kirby''': Pappy! ''[waves to everybody as fireworks shaped like the sentence A HAPPY NEW YEAR appear behind him]'' ===''Abusement Park'' [2.4] === :'''Tiff''': Papa, isn't it suspicious that the King's acting so nice all the sudden? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Buttercup''': The King's had plenty of Cappies over to the castle before, but it was always to the dungeon. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sword Knight''': ''[about Mike Kirby]'' He's gonna sing! :'''Blade Knight''': Uh-oh. <hr width="50%"/> :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': ''[about Mike Kirby's singing]'' It's like he's scratching down a chalkboard! I can't take it! I'm sending Kirby back... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Meta Knight''': I fear Microphone Kirby may be Kirby's most powerful form! :'''Tiff''': Now you tell me! ===''Junk Jam'' [2.5] === :'''Tuff''': Kirby, doesn't your stomach ever get tired? ===''The Kirby Derby - Part I'' [2.6] === :''[After Tuff hits a rock in the road which causes Kirby to get thrown out of the vehicle, and later lands on King Dedede's head after him and Escargoon jump into a river to get away]'' :'''King Dedede''': <big><big>'''''I'V GOTTA GET THAT GOOFBALL!!!!!'''''</big></big> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': Tuff, I almost got run over! You should stick to a tricycle! ===''The Kirby Derby - Part II'' [2.7] === :'''Mayor Len Blustergas''': You and I were married forty years ago today. That's why I wanted to win so badly! ===''A Recipe for Disaster'' [2.8] === :'''King Dedede''': I paid Nightmare Enterprises a heap o' money so they can send me a heap o' popcorn? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chef Shiitake''': A great chef must use everything at his disposal to create his cuisine. That is what I wanted to teach you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chef Shiitake''': Don't worry! No matter what happens, you already have someone who loves your cooking. ===''Watermelon Felon'' [2.9] === :'''Meta Knight''': Sometimes the pen is mightier than the sword. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': Well, you got a problem with me, pinky? :'''Kirby''': ''[Barfs out the newspapers and the newspapers flood the castle]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': ''[in reaction to King Dedede uploading the millions of newspapers that Kirby flooded his entire castle with to Nightmare's Fortress]'' HEY! What do you think you're doing?! :'''King Dedede''': There's a lot more where that came from. Nobody wants these newspapers anymore, so I gotta put 'em somewhere. ===''Escar-Gone'' [2.10] === :'''Erasem''': Beware of Erasem! I'm fearsome, but you won't remember. Whoever is attacked by me... is destined to be forgotten forever. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': It's adios, amoeba for you, stranger! Where are my guards?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': Look, Buster! I wasn't hatched yesterday, you know, so unless you want trouble with a capital T, I suggest you drop the amnesia act now! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Meta Knight''': Tiff. Have you ever met that snail before? :'''Tiff''': Never. I was just being nice to him because he seemed so upset. :'''Meta Knight''': Hmmm. We've never met, but somehow he knew both of our names. :'''Tiff''': I think the guy's missing a few marbles. :'''Meta Knight''': Maybe so. We'd better keep an eye on him in case his condition worsens. :'''Tiff''': I wonder if his name really is Escargoon... :'''Escargoon''': ''[having overheard Tiff & Meta Knight's conversation and realizing they've forgotten him as well]'' Oh, mercy! This is the darkest day of my life! ''[runs away, crying]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': I sure am Dede-delightful-lookin'! I bet I could even be one of them stupor-models. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Erasem''': Bye bye, Kirby. ===''Monster Management'' [2.11] === :'''King Dedede''': Ahh, ''[chuckles]'' Ain't nothin' like startin' the day off with a bubblin' bath. :'''Escargoon''': It's great to be the king. :'''King Dedede''': Mmm-hm. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': There's monsters everywhere! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': We got a problem. :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Calm down, I can explain everything. This is a demo for our Monster Management service. :'''King Dedede''': Monster Management? :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Our new management director suggested that we give you a full hands-on demonstration. I believe you've met. Say hello, Joe. :'''Knuckle Joe''': ''[turns around smiling while donning his new business suit]'' That's Knuckle Joe! :''[King Dedede & Escargoon's jaws drop in a huge state of surprise]'' :'''Knuckle Joe''': Nice to see you again, tubby. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tokkori''': Hey! Quit pluckin' my plumage, bub! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tuff''': Every monster in the universe must be here. :'''Tiff''': This is crazy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': Knuckle Joe ain't qualified to work for N.M.E.! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': But Joe, I thought you wanted to battle on the side of the good guys. :'''Knuckle Joe''': Yeah? Well, think again. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tokkori''': What a mess. It's gonna be monster mayhem! Well, I sure hope Kirby took his vitamins today. <hr width="50%"/> :''[several Mini-Monsters rampage throughout Cappy Town, causing as much trouble as they want and wrecking as many things as they can find]'' :'''Chef Kawasaki''': Ah! Knock it off, you lowlifes, or at least order something! :'''Tuggle''': Yo! No piggin' out at my place without payin'! :''[Knuckle Joe watches the chaos unfold in Cappy Town from a rooftop]'' :'''Knuckle Joe''': Perfect. Just like I planned. :''[pan to more trouble caused in Cappy Town by the Mini-Monsters]'' :'''Prof. Curio''': Ah! That urn's an antique you uncultured brute! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Meta Knight''': What are you up to, Joe? You are putting this planet in danger! :'''Knuckle Joe''': Just tryin' to keep my bosses happy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': I think we finally got most of them. :'''Tuff''': Oh, that Knuckle Joe! Why did he make all this trouble?! :'''Meta Knight''': ''[approaches Kirby and the kids alongside Sword and Blade]'' Something big is brewing at the castle. Let's go! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Meta Knight''': Masher is a real heavyweight. :'''Tiff''': ''[Replying to Meta Knight about Masher being a real heavyweight]'' You said it! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': It whupped Meta Knight quick. :'''Escargoon''': That Masher's a marvel. :'''Knuckle Joe''': ''laughs'' You ain't seen nothin' yet. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Knuckle Joe leaps down, tosses away his business suit, and charges in to join in Masher's beatdown of Kirby]'' :'''Tiff''': Knuckle Joe! ''[starts shedding tears]'' Please don't do it. :'''Knuckle Joe''': Get ready, Kirby. Your time is up! See how ya like this! Vulcan Jab, Vulcan Jab, Vulcan Jab! ''(starts pounding on Kirby as well)'' :'''Tiff''': Poor Kirby. :'''Tuff''': One bad guy was enough, Tiff. How can Kirby win two against one? <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': ''[in reaction to Knuckle Joe's sudden betrayal against Masher]'' You was supposed to clobber Kirby, not mess with Masher! :'''Knuckle Joe''': I tricked ya! :''[everyone reacts in surprise]'' :'''Knuckle Joe''': It took a long time to plan, but it was worth it. I'm a monster hunter now, and I wanted to bag one of the big ones. That meant goin' after Masher! :'''Tuff''': So that's it. :'''Tiff''': You didn't work for them. You were only pretending to work for Nightmare Enterprises! :'''Knuckle Joe''': Yeah, I figured the company wasn't gonna let me anywhere near their really strong monsters, so I sent them my resume. :'''Meta Knight''': Hmmm. So you hunted down Masher... with a suit and tie? :'''Dedede''': That's De-de-de-devious! ''[laughing]'' :'''Escargoon''': What are you laughing at? Knuckle Joe just made you look like a knucklehead. :'''Dedede''': AAAAH! You two-timer! Nobody monkeys with Triple D! :'''Knuckle Joe''': Sorry, tubby. Too late! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': Now look who's mashed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Sir, I must take full responsibility for this disaster. I will clear out my desk. :'''eNeMeE''': Forget it! Let those fools think they've beaten us. When they let their guard down, we'll teach them a lethal lesson. ''[laughs evilly]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tuff''': We thought you were workin' for the bad guys. :'''Tiff''': You were like a double agent, Joe. :'''Knuckle Joe''': Yeah, well I couldn't have done it without my pal Kirby. :'''Kirby''': Poyo. :'''Meta Knight''': Hunting down monsters throughout the universe... Joe, your father would be proud. :'''Knuckle Joe''': Kirby. Anytime ya need a partner, just give me a call. I'll be there in a flash. See ya! ''[flies off]'' :'''Tiff''': Bye, Joe! :'''Kirby''': Poyo! ''[waves goodbye to Knuckle Joe then mimics his nose rub]'' ===''Prediction Predicament - Part I'' [2.12] === :'''King Dedede''': Eh, what happened? :'''Escargoon''': You were sleepwalking, that's what happened! Or should I say you were sleepwhacking! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': ''[screams]'' Kirby's after me again! ''[runs away]'' :'''Kirby''': ''[runs towards King Dedede]'' Poyo! :'''King Dedede''': ''[runs faster]'' You keep dem fangs away from me, pinkeh! :'''Kirby''': ''[runs faster]'' Payo, yayo! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mabel''': The monster that has been haunting you is your conscience, Sire. :'''King Dedede''': What's a conscience? :'''Mabel''': It is the goodness that lies in the deepest part of you. :'''Escargoon''': Oh please. The only thing lying in the deepest part of him is a fried cheese log. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tuff''': Wonder what Dedede's up to? :'''Tiff''': Based on past experience, I think it's safe to say it's something stupid. <hr width="50%"/> :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': ''[about Phantom Star Gerath]'' Thousand years away, hmm? I don't know about our little friends, but I for one am feeling kind of impatient. What do you say we speed up the process just a little bit? :'''Nightmare''': What a wonderful idea. ''[laughs evilly]'' ===''Prediction Predicament - Part II'' [2.13] === :'''Meta Knight''': Mice will always scamper away from a ship before it sinks. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tokkori''': Kirby... Any moment now we'll be dust in the wind. We've always been the best of buddies, huh, Kirby? Huh? Kirby? KIRBY!! Listen when I'm talkin' to ya! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': What? You're leaving? :'''Escargoon''': I wanted to spend this time with my mama. I thought you might get hungry at the end so here's where all the snacks are. :'''King Dedede''': You always stay by my side no matter what. :'''Escargoon''': Oh, Majesty! Farewell. ''[He attempts to leave, but suddenly a ripping sound is heard from Dedede tearing the letter in pieces]'' :'''King Dedede''': You ain't leaving now! :'''Escargoon''': Huh? ''[As Dedede hugging him]'' LET ME GO, I'M GETTING OUT OF HERE! :'''King Dedede''': ''[laughing, Escargoon grunting]'' What's the matter with you, Escargoon? Can't you take the heat!? ''[laughing]'' :'''Escargoon''': '''I WANT MY MAMA!!!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': Sire, you're a one tactless-blubber mouth. ''[Dedede punches him]'' :'''King Dedede''': Keep quiet, you! ''[Escargoon weeps]'' Huh? :''[Escargoon cries loudly]'' :'''King Dedede''': Hey, what's the matter, ol' buddy? :'''Escargoon''': It's...just...so sad. ''[sobs]'' I'll never call you "blubber mouth" again. :'''King Dedede''': Yeah... that's right. And pretty soon I won't be able to smash you with my mallet no more neither. :'''Escargoon''': ''[Sighs]'' Sire. :'''King Dedede''': Escargoon! ''[He and Escargoon bawl as they embrace]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': You did it! You lovable lug, you! You finally listened to your heart for once! ===''Sheepwrecked'' [2.14] === :'''Amon''': The time has come! We must defeat our oppressors. Our natural meekness has been mistaken for weakness, but from this day forward, we will not behave like simpering sheep, but like ravenous wolves. Throughout history, we have been dominated by fear. But now our oppressors will learn to fear us! <hr width="50%"/> :''[flocks of angry sheep rampage throughout Cappy Town, eating as much food as they can find while also wrecking as many antiques as possible]'' :'''Chef Kawasaki''': I knew sheep liked grass, but who knew they liked my food? :'''Prof. Curio''': Oh, you can't go tearin' up my shop like a pack of wolves! :'''Tuggle''': Hey, you're gettin' wool all over my merchandise there. :'''Amon''': You have done well. Dream Land is now at our mercy, but we will show no mercy. We will conquer this planet, my friends... and soon, the entire universe! ''[he and the other sheep howl triumphantly in unison]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amon''': Now you Cappies are the shuddering sheep, and the wicked wolves are in charge. :'''Cappy''': Alright, what do you want us to do? :'''Amon''': All of you, BAA! :'''Chef Kawasaki''': Baa, baa? :'''Prof. Curio''': Baa, baa... :'''Amon''': I said, all of you! I command you! BAA!!!!! :''[The Cappies and Waddle Dees baa like sheep]'' :'''Amon''': Louder, or the wolves will get angry. :''[The Cappies and Waddle Dees baa even louder]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amon''': I command you. BAA! Or you will suffer the consequences! Those who disobey me will face the chopping block! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amon''': These cowards don't deserve their freedom. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amon''': There must be others like me. Others who yearn for freedom. I will seek them out, and perhaps one day I will lead a new flock. ===''War of the Woods'' [2.15] === :'''Whispy Woods''': ''[about Acore]'' I can't be certain. He's been around for 800 years. There are many perils at such a great age. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': TUFF! :'''Tuff''': Ah! Hey, Tiff, what's wrong? How come you look so mad? :'''Tiff''': You know why! You were fighting! :'''Iro''': We were just helping this old tree. :'''Tuff''': Yeah, Whispy Woods asked us to. :'''Tiff''': Oh really so Whispy Woods asked you to kick out those animals? :'''Tuff''': Well, not exactly... :'''Tiff''': Of course not. Because those animals helped that tree by living in it! :'''Tuff, Iro, Spikehead And Honey''': Huh!? :'''Kirby''': Poyo? :'''Coo''': Acore provides us with a place to stay. And in exchange, we harm those insects and enrich the soil. :'''Tiff''': That's right. Kicking them out was a mistake! :'''Tuff, Iro, Spikehead And Honey''': ''[sadly]'' Aw... :'''Tuff''': We were only trying to help... :'''Tokkori''': Well, ya didn't. Thanks to you that tree's even worse off than before! :'''Coo''': You helped them too, Tokkori. :'''Tokkori''': Yeah, I forgot that. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': Now that them bothersome animals is gone, I can finally get to work! :'''Escargoon''': Go ahead and slice the tree like you slice your tee-off shots. :'''King Dedede''': At last, I'm gonna achieve my goal of cutting down all these trees to build myself a country club. ''[sniffs]'' It's truly a dream come true..! ''[whimpers, then cries loudly]'' :'''Escargoon''': Save the tears for your golf score, Sire. Now it's time to start hacking. :'''King Dedede''': ''[stops crying]'' Good idea. ''[laughing]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': Escargoon! :'''Escargoon''': Your majesty! Come back! :'''King Dedede''': We've been De-De-Divided! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': Please don't fall, Acore! :'''Tokkori''': It's too much! We can't hold 'im! :'''Tiff''': Yes we can, just push! :'''Coo''': We can't give up! :'''Rick''': We can't let our friend come crashin' to the ground, mates! :''[meanwhile, King Dedede and Escargoon are watching Kirby and co.'s valiant efforts to keep Acore standing from atop a nearby cliff]'' :'''King Dedede''': ''[laughing]'' Them do-gooders think we gave up! :'''Escargoon''': They're always overestimatin' our common sense. ''[has the Grasshopper Eavesdropper detonate near a nearby waterfall, causing a flood in one final attempt to destroy Acore]'' ===''Pink-Collar Blues'' [2.16] === :'''Escargoon''': Believe me, it'll be cheaper than your hospital bill if you have to eat my cooking. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': Don't Eat It! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': Escargoon! Let's play some putt-putt! :'''Escargoon''': I don't have time to watch you cheat at miniature golf. My entire life savings are in jeopardy! :'''King Dedede''': Whadda ya mean I cheat? :'''Escargoon''': Oops. :'''King Dedede''': I ain't never cheated at miniature golf! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kirby''': Poooyooooo! Poyo! ''[laughs cutely]'' Poyo! Poy! ===''Tourist Trap'' [2.17] === :'''Tiff''': Kabu here is not only extremely ancient, but he's also the wisest-- ''[notices the tourists throwing coins into Kabu's insides and gasps]'' Hey, no throwing coins! :''[the tourists continue to throw coins into Kabu anyway]'' :'''King Dedede''': Let them folks toss away. It's free money. :''[the tourists start painting graffiti all over Kabu]'' :'''Tuff''': Tiff, look what they're doin'! ''[Tiff notices what the tourists are now doing to Kabu]'' Knock it off! :'''Tiff''': Kabu's one of the greatest treasures in Dream Land! :''[the tourists bicker back at her in a foreign language]'' :'''Waddle Doo''': Chill out. We do this every place we visit. :'''Tiff''': How rude! :'''Escargoon''': Ah, who cares? It's just a talking tiki. Let's move it! :''[King Dedede laughing]'' :''[the tourists prepare to leave for their next destination]'' :'''Tiff''': I'm sorry, Kabu. We'll come back and clean you up. :'''Kabu''': I could use some moisturizer too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Waddle Doo''': ''[to the tourists, pointing to his flask of ice]'' Shibi ton pa, ha ta sai Kirby! <hr width="50%"/> :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': As far as tourism goes, Sire, here's my opinion. You might as well rename Dream Land "Snoozeville"! :'''King Dedede''': Well, as far as I'm concerned, them tourists can take a hike! ===''A Novel Approach'' [2.18] === :'''King Dedede''': I'm readin' it first. Now, let's see... huh? Now this can't be right. This some kinda joke? ''[screams]'' Somebody stole all the pictures out of this here book! It's all gobbledygook here. :'''Escargoon''': They're words. :''[beat]'' :'''Escargoon''': ''[screams]'' You rule a kingdom and you don't even know how to read? :''[beat]'' :'''King Dedede''': Course I know how to read, you dummy! I learned how to before I got expelled from kindergarten! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': Give me that book! I'm only up to chapter 2! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': They must be under a spell. Knock it off; King Dedede is using this game to hurt Kirby! :'''Rowlin [Fake]''': It's too late Tiff, you can't break my spell. ''[laughs evilly]'' :'''Rowlin''': You imposter! How dare you be me. :'''Tiff''': So then you're the real author? :'''Rowlin''': You've been hoodwinked by her. She didn't create Pappy Pottey! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rowlin''': No matter how sad we feel or how bad our circumstances, we can use our imaginations to dream something better. We should never give up on our dreams because they're what build our tomorrows. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rowlin''': So all along she was a monster in disguise. :'''Meta Knight''': That's Broom King. :'''Broom King''': ''[laughs evilly]'' I'll show you who's king! Attack! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Broom King''': ''[laughs evilly]'' Anyone who dares oppose me will be swept away! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': Hey, how's anybody supposed to read that? ===''Snack Attack - Part I'' [2.19] === :'''King Dedede''': I want all them candies with mini-figures in this here store! :'''Tuggle''': Every single one of 'em? :'''Gengu''': I don't know. :'''King Dedede''': Perhaps this'll persuade ya. ''[laughs as he places blocks of money at Tuggle & Gengu's counter to their delight]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Meta Knight''': Hmm... So they think my mini figure will be popular. Hmm... I like that. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chief Bookem''': ''[to Dedede]'' I'm sorry, Your Highness, but I gotta do my duty. Next time you wanna steal, just raise our taxes. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': I felt like a zoo animal sitting in that jail cell. :'''Escargoon''': No self-respecting zoo would take you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Narrator''': Is the game over for Kirby and his friends? Find out on the next ''Kirby: Right Back at Ya!'' ===''Snack Attack - Part II'' [2.20] === :'''Narrator''': In our last episode, Tuggle and Gengu teamed up to create a new taste sensation, each packed with a powerful toy surprise. Even the grown-ups went gaga collecting the action figures... and Kirby was happy to scarf down the candy. But King Dedede schemed with Nightmare Enterprises to drop a destructive new line of action figures on the unsuspecting Cappies. Now the mini-milita is on the march. Can Kirby conquer them? <hr width="50%"/> :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': You've got to think creatively, D. The monsters were designed to look like toys, so they could play around with their enemies. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': Can't tell a crook by its blubber! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Meta Knight''': This is perfect. :'''Tiff''': What're you talking about? :'''Tuff''': It's over. Kirby's gonna lose the match. :'''Meta Knight''': In order to mature, Kirby must be pushed to his utmost limits. Only then will he learn to exceed them. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tuff''': Uh oh. Kirby's gonna get pulverized. :'''Tiff''': That wrestler's too big. :'''Meta Knight''': Every opponent has a weakness. <hr width="50%"/> :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': ''[laughs]'' I tried to sell you more fighting monsters, but you decided to pinch your pennies. Now you're stuck with the junk, Big D. :'''King Dedede''': I'll never collect nothin' again! ===''Cartoon Buffoon'' [2.21] === :'''King Dedede''': Do y'all know how to tell a story? Do y'all know how to draw 'til your fingers fall off? Do y'all know how to color inside the lines? Then we want YOU! ''[Laughs]'' I'm the most important person in this whole jointhouse! Heck, I'm the producer! :'''Spikehead''': A producer? What does a producer do? :'''Iro''': A producer doesn't do anything. :'''Escargoon''': Hmmmm, they gotcha there, Majesty. <hr width="50%"/> :''[the Cappies present their poorly-drawn pictures of Dedede Man]'' :'''Mayor Len''': I think I've really captured you, Sire. :'''King Dedede''': ''[tears the drawing out of Len's hand]'' I oughtta capture you! :'''Iro''': What do you think, Your Majesty? :'''King Dedede''': ''[tears the drawing out of Iro's hand]'' I think it stinks! :'''Tuggle''': Pretty good, huh? :'''King Dedede''': ''[tears the drawing out of Tuggle's hand]'' Pretty awful! :'''Melman''': I slimmed you down a bit. :'''King Dedede''': ''[yells as he tears the drawing out of Melman's hand]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': All you lazy louts better be workin'! :'''Chief Bookem''': Lazy?! :'''Mayor Len''': With all due respect, we're working as hard as we can. :'''King Dedede''': If you don't get crackin', I'm gonna have to give you all a whackin'! :'''Escargoon''': ''[Grunts]'' We'd better air what we just have. <hr width="50%"/> :''[the altered opening of King Dedede's new show starts playing]'' :'''King Dedede''': ''[singing to the opening]'' Dedede! That's the name you should know! Dedede! He's the king of the show! You'll holler and hoot, he'll give Kirby the boot! Dedede's the one! :'''Tiff''': ''[reacting to the new show's altered opening]'' Hey! Kirby's supposed to be the star! :'''Tuff''': Yeah, now it's about Dedede. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': Okay, guys. Get ready. :'''Tuff''': Our lines are coming up. :'''Meta Knight''': Tiff, I am nervous. I have never... acted before. :'''Tiff''': Don't worry. You'll do great. :'''Meta Knight''': Thank you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': ''[laughs]'' I AM A SUPAHSTAR WARRIAH. ''[exclaims]'' :'''Tiff''': "Dedede Saves the Day"? Hey, wait! Where'd that title come from?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': That cheat! Dedede made Kirby look like the bad guy! :'''Tuff''': He must've switched stuff around while we weren't looking. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': Good morning, Majesty. :'''Dedede''': Well, if it ain't my faithful servant, Escargoon! :'''Escargoon''': My, aren't you looking fit as a fiddle! :'''Dedede''': You're downright spiffy yourself. :'''Escargoon''': Have you seen Kirby today, Majesty? :'''Dedede''': He don't scare me none! :'''Tiff''': Those two changed my script so they look like heroes! ''[Growls]'' :'''Tuff''': If Dedede and Escargoon are heroes, this sure isn't a reality show. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': We're right behind you, Majesty. You're a hero to us all! :'''King Dedede''': Oh come now. Little ol' me a hero? Surely you jestin'! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Meta Knight''': Look! It is Fire Dedede, our Hero! ''[to You]'' I would never say that. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': Look at that charisma! :'''Escargoon''': Majesty, we're gonna have to ad-lib this part, we never wrote the last two pages of the script! :'''King Dedede''': Ad-lib? YOU COULDN'T TELL ME THIS BEFORE, YOU SCATTERBRAINED ''[As he hits Escargoon with his mallet]'' SLUG?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': ''[sigh]'' All this animation's giving me palpitation! :'''Escargoon''': I'll never direct another cartoon. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tuff''': Hey, this is great! :'''Tiff''': It's one of those shows that's so bad it's good! ===''Don't Bank on It'' [2.22] === :'''Escargoon''': ''[screams]'' Look! A whole pile of ugly monsters! ''[Dedede hammers him]'' :'''King Dedede''': Them things is handsome. They gotta be good-lookin' 'cause they look just like me. They're Dedede Dolls! :'''Escargoon''': Ah, is this a joke? I never imagined you as a doll. :'''King Dedede''': ''[chuckles]'' Yeah, these here mini-Ds is gonna make me a bazillion bucks. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': Time for me to work my hypno-hoot-dooey. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': ''[speaking through the Dedede Dolls]'' Dedede... You like me... Dedede... You trust me... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chief Bookem''': ''[laughs]'' What do you know? It does bring good fortune. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Meta Knight''': But haven't you ever wondered how all the money got there in the first place? <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': Sleep tight, my little chump. You about to have a crude awakenin'. ''[chuckles]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': Dedede is tired. I ain't gettin' no rest. If I can't sleep, then neither can you fools! WAKE UP! ''[starts psychically using his Dedede Dolls to pummel the residents of Cappy Town, laughing all the while, except for Tiff, who already locked up her own doll inside one of her drawers before going to sleep]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': Morning, Sire. :'''King Dedede''': You sleep in a boxin' ring? :'''Escargoon''': This doll beat me up. Some late-night comedian put it in my bed while I was sleepin'. Wonder who that could be? :'''King Dedede''': ''[laughs]'' That's great! Now I know I ain't the only one in this here kingdom who feels permanently pooped out. :'''Escargoon''': That selfish sack of slag. If it were up to me, I'd give him one of these. ''[bonks his Dedede Doll]'' :'''King Dedede''': Ow! Hey, somebody just knocked me on my noggin. You throw somethin' at me? :'''Escargoon''': Not me. All I did was gently tap on the doll, like this. ''[bonks his Dedede Doll again, unknowingly causing Dedede to feel the pain on his noggin again]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tokkori''': That's one dangerous doll. Last night, it stomped me without any warnin'. Kick that thing out! :''[Kirby kicks his doll, unknowingly knocking Dedede down as a result]'' :'''Escargoon''': Hey, watch it! I just had your hat cleaned. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': Hey! Quit strangling me! :'''Escargoon''': I'm only tryin' to prevent somethin' terrible from happenin' to ya, Sire! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cappies''': Here's your crummy stickers! Thanks for nothin'. :'''Mayor Len Blustergas''': I can't believe I ever thought the king was trustworthy. :'''Chief Bookem''': I should've known it was a big scam. :'''Mabel''': Why in the world would I want to see his face all the time? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': We're broke. We're right back where we've started, Sire. :'''King Dedede''': I can't afford to buy no more monsters. ''[cries]'' But I still got one doll left so's I can get my revenge! :'''Escargoon''': I dunno. Playing with dolls can be hazardous to your health. :'''King Dedede''': That don't matter none to me so long as I get that Kirby! ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': What's he doing? :'''Escargoon''': Maybe lack of sleep made him crazy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': Now that's embarrassing. :'''Escargoon''': Honey, you don't know the meaning of embarrassing. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tokkori''': Turn into Doll Kirby! :''[Kirby jumps up in an attempt to transform and gain the ability of the Dedede Doll he just inhaled, but falls back down, unable to gain any ability]'' :'''Tokkori''': Figures. Guess you don't have enough brains to be a doll. ===''Kirby Takes the Cake'' [2.23] === :'''Tuff''': Hah! This is fun. I bet Kirby doesn't know a thing about his surprise party. :'''Tiff''': Probably. He hardly knows anything. :'''Tuff, Spikehead, Iro, & Honey''': That's true. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Len''': Kirby, I didn't see you there! This is no place for you, I'm afraid. :'''Prof. Curio''': That's right. We're busy, so, uh... Run along. :'''Mayor Len''': Shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo. ''[Kirby begins to leave]'' Bye bye, Kirby! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chef Kawasaki''': Oh, I can't have you in my kitchen, Kirby! Out! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chief Bookem''': Oh! Sorry, Kirby. Lots to do today. Gotta apprehend a couple of donuts! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': That there's a weapon of mass Dedede-struction. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': Hey, Tuff. Do you ever get the feeling that somebody's spyin' on us? :'''Tuff''': Who'd spy on us? <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': You saw it! This whole town's revoltin'! :'''Escargoon''': You said it! :'''King Dedede''': They lookin' to dispossess me and tarnish the reputation of the Dedede Dynasty! Them ungrateful ingrates! :'''Escargoon''': After all you've done to them! :'''King Dedede''': ''[growls]'' I'll stamp out them double-crossers! How can them Cappies Dedede-throne ME?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': I saw this coming. After all, a ruler like you is loud, mean, nasty, sneaky, self-centered...''[King Dedede angrily flattens him, weakly]''...did I mention violent... <hr width="50%"/> :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Hey there. What up, Three D? :'''King Dedede''': I'll tell you what's up. I need you to send me your most powerful monster! :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Our most powerful monster? Sounds urgent. :'''King Dedede''': You bet it's urgent! I'm about to become the victim of a Cappy-comb! :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': I think I've got one for you, but I should warn ya. He's a bit of a slippery character. :'''King Dedede''': Whadda ya mean? :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': You see, he has trouble distinguishing between friend and foe. Poor little fella gets confused sometimes. I'd wanna handle this one with care, Big D! :'''King Dedede''': You send it over and we'll handle it real good! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tokkori''': What's that? Nobody wants to play with ya? ''[bursts out laughing about what Kirby told him]'' Nobody wants to play with ya, because nobody here likes ya! :'''Kirby''': ''[shocked by what Tokkori just said to him]'' POYO?! :'''Tokkori''': Ever since you got here, you've been a pink pain in the neck. As usual, I'm the only one around here with the guts to tell you the truth. Everybody says that Kirby is nothin' but trouble. If I was you, I'd fly the coop cause you ain't welcome here, Sonny! ''[Kirby starts packing up]'' With you outta the way, things would finally get back to normal, and I could take over this cottage permanent. Booooy, wouldn't that be the day? ''[notices that Kirby's gone]'' Huh? Kirby? Where'd that boy go? <hr width="50%"/> :''[King Dedede and Escargoon arrive in their limo to attack the Cappies' anniversery preparations]'' :'''Mayor Len Blustergas''': ''[seeing King Dedede and Escargoon, and in horror]'' Oh no, it's King Dedede! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': What!? He ran away?! :'''Tokkori''': That's what I said, ain't it? :'''Tiff''': Tokkori...'''''WHY WOULD KIRBY WANNA RUN AWAY!?''''' :'''Tokkori''': If you ''really'' wanna know, Kirby and I had a little talk. I said he'd be better off elsewhere since nobody likes him here anyway! :'''Tiff: How could you say such an awful thing!?!''' :'''Tokkori''': Well how come none of YOU would play with him? :'''Tuff''': ''[teasing]'' That's for ''us'' to know and ''you'' to find out! :'''Tiff''': ''[grabbing Tokkori]'' '''Are you telling us the truth about Kirby?!''' :'''Tokkori''': ''[absolutely terrified]'' YEAH! YEAH, IT'S TRUE!!''' :'''Tiff''': '''YEAH?! Then you'd better get out there and find him! AND NOW!!!''' :'''Tokkori''': ''[flying out of the house]'' '''AAAAGHH!! KIRBY!!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kabu''': Wait. Do not go. You are troubled, my friend, and your heart is full of sorrow. One year has passed since you came to Dream Land. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tokkori''': Ah! There ya are! Hey, next time you run away, tell me where you're goin', would ya? I've been lookin' high and low for ya. Yer girlfriend's plenty steamed at me cause a' you. Come on! Get movin'! Everybody in Cappy Town's goin' crazy worryin', so come on back home! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Meta Knight''': A whole year has passed. How quickly time flies. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': I didn't know Nightmare Enterprises did catering, too. :'''King Dedede''': Just wait 'til they get a load of the icing on this cake. ''[both he and Escargoon laugh]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': I'm sorry, Kirby. We didn't play with ya because we didn't want to ruin the surprise for ya. We wouldn't want to hurt you for anything, Kirby. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chef Kawasaki''': Wow! Even I couldn't get a cake to raise that high. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': They outdone themselves. I've heard of pretty girls poppin' outta cakes, but this is even better! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': That's new. :'''Tuff''': What mode is that, Meta Knight? :'''Meta Knight''': He is now Bomb Kirby. :'''Tiff & Tuff''': Bomb Kirby? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Meta Knight''': You have indeed grown in many ways this year. I cannot wait to see what changes next year brings. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': Happy first anniversary, Kirby. We're all very happy that you came to Dream Land. Kirby, we love you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chef Kawasaki''': I've never seen such a beautiful fireworks display. What a party! :'''Mayor Len Blustergas''': Yes. :'''Chief Bookem''': Those two are havin' a blast. ===''Air-Ride-in-Style - Part I'' [2.24] === :'''King Dedede''': I've been real patient with you, but I want me a monster that can whup Kirby now! :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': I understand your disappointment, Big D, but I've been sending you top-of-the-line monsters all along. :'''King Dedede''': Well the bottom line is, them lamos was losers! :'''Escargoon''': That's right! His majesty may be a big fat meathead, but how many half-baked freakazoids are you gonna send me?! :'''King Dedede''': ''[bops Escargoon]'' I'll do the complainin' here. :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Maybe you've been going about stopping Kirby the wrong way. Have you ever thought about- :'''King Dedede''': I ain't interested in thinkin'! I know everything there is to know about catchin' Kirby already. :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': I was only going to remind your fly-ness about Kirby's secret weapon. :'''King Dedede''': Say what? :'''Escargoon''': Secret weapon? :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': ''[laughs]'' I'm referring of course to Kirby's shining star; the Warp Star. :'''King Dedede''': The Warp Star? :'''Escargoon''': That's what that Tiff always calls out. :'''King Dedede''': Yeah. The big ol' thing comes flying to rescue Kirby. :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': ''[laughs again]'' See what a little thing he can do... ''[Dedede pelts his monitor with an egg, surprising him]'' :'''King Dedede''': Just kill the dip-strip and get to the point. :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': As I was about to say, Sire, if Kirby didn't have the Warp Star to come to his rescue, Kirby would be easy to get rid of. :'''King Dedede''': Hey, that's it! If we can stop the Warp Star, we can stop Kirby! Hah! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sir Ebrum''': Good day, Your Majesty. :'''Lady Like''': You most certainly startled us. :'''Tiff''': You better not be here for Kirby. :'''Escargoon''': ''[laughs]'' We're not here for the little hog. :'''King Dedede''': We here for the big mouth! :'''Tiff''': Huh? ''[The limousine use a grab nabber to nab her]'' :'''Tuff''': You can't do that! :'''Lady Like''': Tiff, no! :''[Dedede and Escargoon stuff Tiff into their limo and drive away with her, they laughing]'' :'''Tuff''': ''[chases Dedede's limousine alongside Kirby, Fololo & Falala]'' COME BACK! :'''Fololo''': HEY! :'''Tuff''': '''YOU DIRTY CROOK!!!''' :'''Sir Ebrum''': How dare he! That blaggard has kidnapped our daughter! :'''Lady Like''': We have to get her back somehow! <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the dungeon]'' :'''King Dedede''': Lookie here, girly. You can have yourself all of these sweety cakes and creamy puffs compliments of yo kingly ol' friend Dedede. :'''Escargoon''': That's right, I'll you gotta do is cooperate. Here, have a cupcake. :'''Tiff''': I wouldn't touch your cruddy cupcake. Now you better untie me and let me go right now. RIGHT NOW! :'''Escargoon''': Oh, we'll let you go soon enough. :'''King Dedede''': Just say those magic words! :'''Tiff''': What magic words? :'''Escargoon''': The ones you say whenever that pesky pinky is in a pickle. :'''Both''': Kabu. :'''King Dedede''': Warp Star! :''[Both laughing]'' :'''King Dedede''': Now all you gotta do is say it. And if you don't say it, we gonna keep you tied up not too tight till you do, got it? :'''Tiff''': Hmph. :'''Escargoon''': Yeah! Tell us where he's hidin' that Warp Star! :'''Tiff''': I'm not gotta tell you and you two anything. :'''Tuff''': ''[offscreen]'' Hey, Tiff! :'''All''': Huh? :'''Tuff''': Let's go! :'''Tiff''': What are you doing here? :'''Escargoon''': Look, it's the little brother to the rescue. Ain't that nauseating? :'''King Dedede''': Get lost. We tryin' to find out where Kirby's Warp Star's at. :'''Tuff''': Uh... that's easy. The Warp Star's inside Kabu. :'''Kirby''': Poyo. :''[Dedede, Escargoon, and Tiff all react in shock and Tuff, having realized what he just said, covers his mouth, and then Dedede and Escargoon burst out laughing and then run off to Kabu]'' :'''Tuff''': ''[untying Tiff]'' Sorry. It just slipped out. :'''Tiff''': Some secret keeper. ''[sighs]'' :'''Tuff''': Hurry! :'''Tiff''': Luckily, we don't have to hurry. :''[Kirby starts eating the food Dedede and Escargoon had out on the table while interrogating Tiff]'' :'''Tuff''': But what if they find it somehow? :'''Tiff''': Even if Dedede and Escargoon found the Warp Star, it wouldn't do them any good. :'''Tuff''': Huh? :'''Tiff''': Because they don't understand the power of the Warp Star like I do. :''[Tiff flashes back to the events of Dark and Stormy Knight, where she revealed to Meta Knight that she brought the Warp Star to Kabu to keep it safe and secret, and called upon it to aid Kirby during his fight against Kracko]'' :'''Tuff''': I remember all that, too. But I wanna know where you got the idea to hide the Warp Star inside Kabu. :'''Tiff''': Well that was easy. I remember the first time I saw it. :''[Tiff flashes back to when she and Prof. Curio first discovered the Warp Star's pedestal inside Kabu]'' :'''Prof. Curio''': Look! I've never seen that. :'''Tiff''': ''[narrating]'' It was like it was made for the Warp Star. It had to stay with Kabu. :''[flashback ends]'' :'''Tuff''': It sure is weird. ''[about the Warp Star's pedestal]'' But the Warp Star fits inside it so perfect, especially since Kabu's been around for millions of years. :'''Tiff''': Of course it's weird. Everything about Kabu is weird. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': Alright Kabu, I'm gonna ask ya one last time. Now is you or is you ain't hidin' Kirby's Warp Star? ''[Kabu doesn't respond]'' :'''Escargoon''': Alright, Mr. Frozen Face, now you're gonna get it! :'''Waddle Doo''': Attack! ''[the Waddle Dees throw their spears at Kabu, but they simply bounce off him without any effect on him]'' :'''King Dedede''': Escargoon! I want that freaky tiki in jail! :'''Escargoon''': In jail? :'''King Dedede''': Waddle Doo! Throw Kabu in the dungeon, you hear? :'''Waddle Doo''': Dungeon?! But Your Majesty, I don't have the Waddle Dee power. Kabu's too big to move! :'''King Dedede''': What? :'''Escargoon''': Believe it or not, he's heavier than you are. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': ''[to Meta Knight]'' You're not in charge of the Warp Star. I am. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': ''[laughing]'' The Wimp Star's high-tailin' it home to Kabu. :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Home to Kabu? What do you mean? :'''Escargoon''': Kabu's been hidin' the Warp Star. Get with the program, pal! :'''King Dedede''': Them pals thought they was pretty clever. :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': This isn't good, D. Better cancel that Kirby farewell party. I'm afraid that Warp Star's gonna be back in tip top shape in no time. :'''King Dedede and Escargoon''': ''[In horror]'' Huh? :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Kabu's sort of a hospital for Warp Stars and wounded Star Warriors... Like a big recovery room. :'''King Dedede & Escargoon''': '''''RECOVERY?!?!?!''''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': Kabu, what are we gonna do? The Warp Star's damaged. :'''Kabu''': The Warp Star will need time to recover. :'''Kirby''': ''[sadly]'' Po-poyo, po... :'''Tiff''': Kirby, Kabu says the Warp Star's tired right now. The only thing we can do is wait for the Warp Star to get better again. :'''Kirby''': Poyo... ===''Air-Ride-in-Style - Part II'' [2.25] === :'''Escargoon''': ''[after watching the Formula Star Rider's defeat]'' I'd say that guy's a formula for disaster. :'''King Dedede''': I ain't worried none. We still got three more left here. ''[laughing]'' Kirby just got lucky that time, that's all. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': Hey, what's he slurpin' up all that water for? :'''Escargoon''': Maybe he ate somethin' salty. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Kirby has defeated the Rocket Star Air Rider]'' :'''Tuff''': Yeah! :'''Tiff''': They might be faster, but Kirby's way smarter. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': ''[after having watched the Winged Star Rider's defeat and angrily growls]'' These Air Riders is a bust. Whatcha givin' me? :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Hold on there, gents. After all, the show's not over yet, now, is it? :'''Escargoon''': No, but it better have an unhappy ending. :'''King Dedede''': This last one better do the trick or you in trouble here! :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': You'll see that Shadow Star's the grand finale. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': ''[about the Winged Star]'' Wow, Kirby really knows how to fly that thing! :'''Meta Knight''': A Star Warrior can fly anything. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': How'd we get inside Kabu? What happened? :'''Tuff''': Don't you remember? You and Kirby were flying on the Warp Star and you fell off. :''[Tiff remembers when a blast from a Destraya chipped off a piece of Kirby's Warp Star and knocked both of them off]'' :'''Tuff''': We were kind of worried. You and Kirby have been knocked out ever since. :'''Tiff''': But what about all those flying fighters that were after Kirby? :'''Tuff''': What flyin' fighters, Tiff? :'''Tiff''': What do you mean what flying fighters? :'''Tuff''': There weren't any fighters. We've all been inside waitin' for you guys to wake up. :'''Meta Knight''': Tiff, did you really see them? :'''Tiff''': I'm telling you, I saw them, Meta Knight. You don't think I'd lie, do you? :'''Kirby''': Poyo. :'''Kabu''': No, Tiff. It was all a dream. A dream that only you and Kirby dreamt. :'''Tiff''': I don't understand. :'''Kabu''': Tiff, I sent you and Kirby that dream. I have learned from others like me that eNeMeE has been stealing Air Ride Machines throughout the universe. :'''Tiff''': But I still don't understand why you would send that dream to Kirby and me. :'''Kabu''': Kirby must learn to fly not just Warp Stars, but other battle vehicles as well. :'''Tiff''': Well you should be proud of him. Kirby flew those things like a pro. :'''Kirby''': Poyo! <hr width="50%"/> :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Well, it seems Kirby and his Warp Star aren't invincible after all. :'''Nightmare''': It's only a matter of time before the Warp Star will be ours for the taking. ''[laughs evilly]'' ==Season 3== ===''Scare Tactics - Part I'' [3.1] === :'''Tiff''': ''[to Kirby]'' It must be real hard to play soccer when you're always mistaken for the ball. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Len Blustergas''': ''[laughs heartily]'' How's that? You saw an actual ghost? :'''Chief Bookem''': From the scream she let out, I'd have to say you're right, Mayor. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tuggle''': What good's being a kid if you don't have nightmares once in a while? <hr width="50%"/> :''[In the mansion; Tiff and Kirby huddle together]'' :'''Kirby''': Poyo. :'''Tiff''': There's nothing to be afraid of, Kirby. You know there's no such thing is ghosts. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Narrator''': Who's behind these sinister spirits, and will Kirby and his friends survive them?! Find out...next time! ===''Scare Tactics - Part II'' [3.2] === :'''Narrator''': In our last episode, Kirby and crew were invited to a spook-out: A chilling contest organized by grown-ups that challenges Cappy kids to survive a night of fright. Setting out into the shadows, our brave contestants began their trek down the path of peril, and soon found themselves flabber-ghosted by a ghoulish surprise. But the courage of Kirby knew no bounds. Our plucky pink hero leapt at every chilling challenge, and soon discovered that fake ghosts can be even more fiendish than real ones. Unknown to the Cappies, King Dedede and Escargoon had taken over the spook-out, and were using it to run their own ghastly games. None of their tricks stopped our three friends, however, as they reached the graveyard where the spook-out prize was buried. Kirby celebrated with a victory dance, but the trio's triumph was short-lived when a sudden storm broke out, catching them by surprise, and forcing them to seek shelter in a mysterious and menacing mansion. As our heroes walked through the door, they didn't realize they were crossing the threshold of terror, and that fearsome forces were lurking in the shadows ready to blow them away or shut them in forever. Now the fear factor's out of control as Kirby and his friends find themselves locked in a real-live horror show! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Meta Knight''': I sense a dangerous force at work here. It must be eNeMeE. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': Uh-oh. Escargoon? Yo! You okay? I done mistook you for a ghost! :'''Escargoon''': ...How many ghosts take showers? <hr width="50%"/> :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': I was about to rid your kingdom of Kirby once and for all, and you two nearly spoiled it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': This little bonehead's a real shocker! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kirby''': Zzzzzzzzz.... ===''One Crazy Knight'' [3.3] === :'''Sir Gallant''': Greetings, peasants! I am Sir Gallant, and I have been greatly moved by your plight and by the courage that you have shown in the face of such monstrous enslavement. But fear not. The end of your oppression is at hand! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sir Gallant''': ''[to Windwhipper]'' So, we meet again. You bested me last time, but this time I will prevail! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mabel''': It is up to you to fight for justice everywhere. ===''Sweet & Sour Puss'' [3.4] === :''[In the morning, at the Castle]'' :'''Escargoon''': Dedede's a rotten boss to work for. That I can't deny. He yells and screams and criticizes, no matter how I try. I deserve a raise, but the king refuses. All I ever get are bumps and bruises! He's a grouch. He's a grump. But I stay. Maybe I'll be king one day. :''[King Dedede suddenly looms over Escargoon, but something about the former seems different; he's acting much nicer and more patient than normal]'' :'''King Dedede''': So, I'm a grouch and a grump and a rotten boss, huh? :'''Escargoon''': ''[Blushes nervously]'' I wasn't talking about you. It was a different tyrant. :'''King Dedede''': That's okay. :'''Escargoon''': Ah! ''[Exclaims]'' Look out! ''[He accidentally dumps the roses with a vase on King Dedede and whimpering. Dedede pull the vase off his head, Escargoon dreaming about to get clobbered by Dedede]'' Please don't clobber me. :'''King Dedede''': ''[Chuckles]'' I sure won't. :'''Escargoon''': Huh? You mean you're not gonna mash me with your mallet? :'''King Dedede''': No, I forgive you. :'''Escargoon''': Huh? You do? I wonder if I still dreaming. ''[thuds and Dedede walks away]'' He's acting like he traded personalities with a teddy bear. Must be a ruse to get my guard down. ''[Dedede returns with a mop]'' I knew it! ''[Dedede cleans up the mess on the floor with the mop]'' Huh? ''[Dedede still cleaning]'' You can't trick me by pretending that you're not angry. I know you're planning to mop the floor with me. :'''King Dedede''': I ain't angry with you. :'''Escargoon''': Please don't torture me this way!! :'''King Dedede''': Let's let bygones be bygones! :'''Escargoon''': It's hard to believe but, maybe he means it. ''[His eyes become bright with emotion, exclaims in happily]'' Sire! :'''King Dedede''': Escargoon. :'''Escargoon''': ''[He snatches the broom away from him and becomes serious again]'' There's no way I'm falling for that gag. You fooled me too many times. ''[He gives Dedede an elbow that makes him step back until he steps on the rose thorns; Dedede jumps in pain and then slips in the wet and falls to the ground as a vase falls on his head]'' Oh boy! I'm in for in now! :'''King Dedede''': ''[a bump appears on his forehead]'' Why'd you push me? :'''Escargoon''': ''[Whimpers, throwing himself to the ground to avoid the blows]'' I'm sorry! :'''King Dedede''': ''[getting up again]'' That's okay. :'''Escargoon''': ''[screams in shocked and Dedede laughs. He kneels before Dedede with a desperate look]'' That's it! I give up! Sire, please stop acting like you don't want to get even with me? ''[cries]'' :'''King Dedede''': ''[placing a hand on Escargoon's head]'' I just want us to be friends. :'''Escargoon''': ''[screams in horror]'' OH NO!!! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!!! ''[cries again]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': That Dr. Yabui is full of hooey! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': Why can't we all just be friends? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': This hallway needs a traffic light. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tuff''': Isn't anybody normal around here? <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': ''[Togeira, inside his head, has just stored enough of his anger and now unleashes it into an explosive flaming rage from within him, causing him to let loose a rage-filled roar to everyone's horror while causing Escargoon whimpering at the same time]'' <big>'''Now it's payback time!'''</big> :'''Tuff''': No more Mr. Nice Guy. :'''Kirby''': Poyo! Po, poy! :'''Tiff''': He's back to his old self. :'''Meta Knight''': No, the monster is still controlling him. :'''King Dedede''': <big>'''Alright Escargoon, who's been beating on me!?'''</big> :'''Escargoon''': ''[yells in panic, then laughs nervously and afterwards throws Dedede's hammer to Kirby]'' Uh, Kirby! :'''Kirby''': Poy! ''[Dedede grabs his hammer back from him]'' Po, poyo? Po... :'''King Dedede''': <big><big>'''WELL NOW I'M GONNA POUND YOU 'TIL YOU'RE FLAT AS A FLAPPYJACK!!!'''</big></big> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tuff''': Whoa, that monster's super mad! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Kirby and friends laugh at each other]'' :'''Kirby''': Poyo, poyo! Poyo, poyo! ===''Dedede's Pet Threat'' [3.5] === :'''King Dedede''': Aww... Ain't my new Scarfy-poos sweet, Escargoonie-goon? :'''Escargoon''': Yeah, I suppose they're kind of sweet. The kind of sweet that makes you barf. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tokkori''': What's the matter? Ain't I tasty enough? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': There's something wrong with that Scarfy food! :'''Tuff''': It's turned them all into monsters! :'''Meta Knight''': NME. I should've known! ===''A Half-Baked Battle'' [3.6] === :''[Kirby laughs at King Dedede]'' :''[Tokkori laughing]'' :'''Escargoon''': Get a load of that! :''[Buttercup and Chief Bookem laughing]'' :'''Escargoon''': Let's show an instant replay! ''[laughs]'' :''[Prof. Curio laughing]'' :'''Escargoon''': Here it is from another angle! ''[laughs]'' :''[Tuggle & Gus laughing, Escargoon laughs even harder, Chef Kawasaki, Gengu and two other Cappies laughing]'' :'''Escargoon''': I gotta see this again! Roll it in slow-mo this time! ''[A slow-mo of King Dedede getting hit by the pie is shown on TV, laughs]'' :''[Iro & his parents laughing]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': I'm through with that chef show! I want some good grub and all I get is a pie in the eye! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': ''[overhears Tiff's family laughing at him getting hit with a pie]'' Hey, what's so funny? ''[the family stops laughing for a few seconds, and then starts laughing again]'' :'''Sir Ebrum''': You're quite the comedian, your majesty! :'''Tiff''': A cream pie in the face... now that's a classic! ''[She and Sir Ebrum start laughing again while Dedede growls angrily]'' :'''Escargoon''': Slowing down the tape for a moment, we clearly see the stunned expression on the king's face as he is unexpectedly pie-pummeled. ''[laughs at the repeats twice]'' :'''Lady Like''': You also made my family scream many times in the past, your majesty. But now it's screaming with laughter! :'''Tuff''': It's funnier every time they show it! ''[Dedede growls again before running out of the living room]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dedede''': I'm replacing it with a brand new show. It's one of them reality programs... called Pie Justice! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': Dedede! Pie throwing isn't just a waste of time. It's also a waste of food! You should be ashamed of yourself. <hr width="50%"/> :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Here's a little get well present for ya, D-Man! We heard you had a serious case of pie-arrhea! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': Now listen up! His Highness is declaring a new law! :'''King Dedede''': From now on, anybody in this here kingdom who says the word "poyo" is gonna be found guilty of treason! :'''Kirby''': Poyo? :'''King Dedede''': AH! Y'all heard that trash-talkin' traitor! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': Why don't you suck it up!? ''[tastes the unknown custard]'' <big><big>'''UUUUUGGGHHH!!!'''</big></big> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': Bellybuster must make his pies in a barber shop. They taste like shaving cream, except worse. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': Kirby, suck it up! :'''Kirby''': ''[covers his mouth and shakes his head no]'' :'''Tiff''': ''[gasps]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tuff''': Not even Kirby could eat anything that bad. :'''Chef Kawasaki''': Somebody cooks worse than me! ''[laughs heartily]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Meta Knight''': I feel... dirty. ''[Sigh]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Meta Knight''': Here comes the custard! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': What's happening?! :'''Meta Knight''': Bellybuster has swallowed them and they will now be... digested. :'''Tiff''': <big><big>'''NO!'''</big></big> ===''eNeMeE Elementary'' [3.7] === :'''Tuff''': ''[Singing]'' When old King Dedede came to town, he got off his throne and his pants fell down. :'''Spikehead''': ''[Singing]'' He thinks he's a king, but he's really a clown. :'''Honey''': ''[Singing]'' When Dedede came to town! :'''Tuff, Iro, Spikehead & Honey''': ''[Singing]'' When old King Dedede starts to roar, you never heard anything like it before. :'''Kirby''': Poyo, Poyo! :'''Tuff, Iro, Spikehead & Honey''': ''[Singing]'' Unless of course, you heard him snore, then Dedede starts to roar! ''[Laughing]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escagoon''': ''[Laughing]'' That's you, sire. :'''King Dedede''': They're making a monkey out of me! :'''Escargoon''': Oh, you've got to admit, it is pretty funny, sire. ''(laughing again)'' Huh? ''(sees his own drawing)'' I'll sue those little punks! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tuff''': How come we have to wear these goofy-looking robes? :'''King Dedede''': 'Cause I'm the one selling them, that's why! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': Must be the spirit of creativitude taking over! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': ''[being possessed by the demon hat]'' Listen up you rowdy bunch of hooligans! ''[To Kirby]'' If you think you can get away with that kind of behavior in my class, [[w:You've Got Another Thing Comin'|You've Got Another Thing Comin'!]] <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': ''[cries]'' Them ruffians ain't never gonna learn no manners! ''[continues crying]'' ===''The Meal Moocher'' [3.8] === :'''King Dedede''': ''[He starts to shake and hold the menu in the air, everyone backs away as he tears the menu in half]'' I WANT NEW FOOD AND I WANT IT NOW!! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hana''': ''[to Kirby]'' You came just in time! I'm about to serve dinner. Would you like to come join us? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': Just look at 'im! That pink pan-handler hustled three dinners out of those Cappies in one night! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sir Ebrum''': ''[about the idea of winning money through a meal]'' That's interesting. :'''Lady Like''': It would be nice to win that money. :'''Sir Ebrum''': Oh dear, we're above that sort of thing. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': ''[laughing]'' Just remember, I like king-sized portions! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Buttercup''': Oh, we'll begin with the miso soup! It's from an old Japanese recipe I found. The second course will be sushi! There are twelve different varieties! We also have a medley of spring vegetables - many from outside Dream Land - all steamed to perfection and sprinkled with the special egg soy sauce! Next, comes a new dish I just invented: turkey tempura! There's also a special treat: broiled eel and onions! Those are just the appetizers! Now, for the main course! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': ''[thinking]'' This is trouble. I gotta stop the king from giving them a five-star rating, or our bank accounts is going belly-up! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Buttercup''': My crab has been sabotaged! I demand to see an instant replay just before the main course! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': ''[he grabs Escargoon's goatee]'' '''HEY!''' What's the idea torchin' my tongue!? :'''Escargoon''': Sorry, Sire. But I had to act quick cause you can't afford to pay out any more prize money! :'''King Dedede''': Let's see how you like you red pepper, You double-dealin' spice sneakin' slug, here!? <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': I done decided that I don't feel like dinin' on crab no more. 'Specially when it's bigger than me. But you can go on ahead and eat it yourself if you want to. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': Not even Kirby gets hungry enough to gobble up a giant monster for dinner. ''[laughs with everybody until Kirby gets ready to inhale the crab he just cooked, much to their shock]'' Kirby! <big><big>'''NOOO!!!'''</big></big> ===''Crusade for the Blade'' [3.9] === :'''Tuff''': Wow, Kirby sure cleaned his plates. :'''Lady Like''': With Kirby around, who needs a dishwasher? :'''Sir Ebrum''': I say every home should have a Kirby. :'''Tiff''': It's gettin' kinda late, Kirby. Why don't you sleep at our house tonight? :'''Kirby''': Poyo, poyo! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': ''[yawns]'' I ain't seen no flyin' saucers here. I just wanna go back to bed. :'''Escargoon''': Sure. And wake up with an alien for a neighbor. :'''King Dedede''': Then an alien for a neighbor for them no-town Cappies. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': Escargoon, I oughtta have yer license revoked. :'''Escargoon''': Whatever. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sword Knight''': Forget it. It was probably just a shooting star. :'''Meta Knight''': Hmmm. ''[notices King Dedede's wrecked limo]'' I do not think a shooting star could do that. :'''King Dedede''': Wake up, y'all! We got an emergency! Close up them gates and head for your battle stations! We got a war on here! Hey Meta Knight! Get the lead out, you helmet head! Do some defendin' or somethin'! :'''Escargoon''': Yeah, what do we hardly pay ya for, anyway? :'''Meta Knight''': Sword, Blade. Let's go! :'''Sword Knight''': Yeah. :'''Blade Knight''': Aye. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sirica''': Meta Knight! :''[Meta Knight looks up to see Sirica on a level higher than the one he's standing on]'' :'''Sirica''': It's been a very long time. :'''Meta Knight''': You speak as if we have met. Have we? :'''Sirica''': So you don't remember? My mother was the Star Warrior Garlude! :''[Meta Knight gasps in realization that Sirica is Garlude's daughter, just before Sirica starts opening fire on him and his knights with her machine gun]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': Who are you? :'''Sirica''': My name is Sirica. :'''Tiff''': Why are you after Meta Knight? :'''Sirica''': He has something that is very precious to me. His sword: Galaxia. :'''Tiff''': Galaxia? :'''Tuff''': You mean Meta Knight's sword has a name? :'''Kirby''': Poyo? :'''Tiff''': This is ridiculous! Meta Knight's a great Star Warrior, not a thief like you. :'''Sirica''': Hmph. Meta Knight inspires great loyalty, for someone so heartless. :''[Kirby and the kids gasp at what Sirica just said]'' :'''Tuff''': What do you mean?! :'''Sirica''': Your friend Meta Knight was an enemy of my mother. ''[begins flashback, in her mind]'' It was many many, years ago. My mother Garlude was considered the greatest of all Star Warriors. She and Meta Knight had been chosen among many noble warriors to reclaim the sacred sword, Galaxia, which had been stolen by the evil beast: Kirisakin. They began to battle the great monster. Both were brave and fought valiantly, but in the end, the beast proved too strong for Garlude. Just as she was reclaiming the sword, she was overpowered! Meta Knight stood and watched as my mother lost the battle. He stole the sword and fled, leaving my mother to perish... alone. ''[ends flashback]'' :'''Tiff''': That didn't happen! Get out, you liar! :'''Tuff''': That's right! Meta Knight would never do somethin' like that. :'''Sirica''': I speak the truth. He abandoned my mother and stole Galaxia. :'''Meta Knight''': That is what you say. ''[appears behind Sirica, with Blade and Sword following immediately after]'' :'''Sirica''': Let's settle this. <hr width="50%"/> :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Hey. What up, Triple D? :'''King Dedede''': I need me a monster, and make it quick! I got an alien after me! :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Did you say alien? :'''Escargoon''': What're you waitin' for? Tell him how she attacked the castle! :'''King Dedede''': How can I tell 'im while you're flappin' yer lips? :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Simmer down, boys. Now, tell me more about this alien. :'''Escargoon''': She's a little girl with a big ol' gun and a whole lot of attitude! :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Very interesting. If this space girl is as tough as you say she is, I think I better send the "big guy". ''[sends Kirisakin to King Dedede and Escargoon as it roars and clashes its two scythes over its head]'' :'''King Dedede''': Now that's a monster! :'''Escargoon''': I think I'm gonna faint. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': Don't worry, Meta Knight. You're gonna be good as new. :'''Meta Knight''': I am grateful for your help, Tiff. :''[beat]'' :'''Tiff''': Meta Knight, tell me. You didn't really steal that Galaxia sword, did you? :'''Meta Knight''': No. I did not. :'''Tiff''': You would never do something like that. Maybe you should tell her the truth. :'''Meta Knight''': Nothing I say will change her mind, I am afraid. :'''Tiff''': But Meta Knight, how are we gonna convince her that you're innocent? :'''Meta Knight''': My sword knows I'm innocent. :'''Tiff''': ''[sighs]'' A lot of good that does. After all, it's not as if your sword can talk or anything. :'''Meta Knight''': We must speak with Kabu. He will explain things to you. :'''Kabu''': I, Kabu, the All-Knowing, shall show you. :''[Kabu shows Meta Knight and Tiff a vision of the past detailing Galaxia's history]'' :'''Kabu''': Let us travel back into a time long-forgotten. Thousands of years ago, when the universe was young, Photron, the mighty ruler of the fire people, began to forge a great sword. He called this sword Galaxia. This was no ordinary sword, for it was created with a will and life of its own, and glistened with great mystical powers. eNeMeE sent the monster Kirisakin to steal the Galaxia sword. It was hidden in a dark cave and the great beast guarded it for years. Much time passed. Meta Knight and Garlude found themselves in the cave of Kirisakin. The mighty warriors had been sent to retrieve the sacred sword. Meta Knight saved Galaxia, and the evil empire of eNeMeE no longer possessed the power to control the universe. ''[the vision ends]'' :'''Tiff''': I didn't know your sword was so powerful. But there's one thing that still bothers me. What really happened to Garlude? :'''Blade Knight''': Ssh. ''[mumbling]'' :''[Tuff and Kirby come running to Kabu with the bag of medicine in hand]'' :'''Sword Knight''': Tuff! :'''Blade Knight''': ''[mumbling]'' Kirby. :'''Tuff''': ''[hands Tiff the bag of medicine]'' Here it is. :'''Tiff''': Great! This'll make you feel much better, Meta Knight. :'''Meta Knight''': Thank you, my friends. :'''Sirica''': So this is where you are hiding! :''[everyone looks up to find Sirica standing at the top of the stairs]'' :'''Tiff''': Sirica. :'''Tuff''': No way. She must've followed us here. :'''Sirica''': That sword is mine! Now you will pay. ''[opens fire upon everyone, who all move out of the way to dodge the machine gun rounds]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Meta Knight''': Only those who possess the power may claim the Galaxia sword as their own. Those who are not chosen will only bring evil upon themselves. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sirica''': ''[having heard a familiar lion-esque roar and seen Kirisakin making its way to Kabu]'' This can't be... it's Kirisakin, the great monster. :'''Meta Knight''': Kirisakin is coming to reclaim the sword. We must stop it! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Galaxia''': ''[after Sirica tries to pry it from the ground a second time]'' My name is Galaxia. Only the most powerful of knights may wield my ancient magic. Meta Knight is the chosen one. Your mother Garlude knew well this truth. ''[begins flashback to how Garlude sacrificed herself to deliver Galaxia to Meta Knight]'' In sacrificing her life, Garlude made the ultimate sacrifice. :''[Garlude manages to pry Galaxia from its pedestal and throws it to Meta Knight before Kirisakin delivers the killing blow to her from behind. Meta Knight claims Galaxia and leaps at Kirisakin to fight it. End flashback]'' :'''Sirica''': If my mother gave her life, then I shall too. ''[yells in might as she finally successfully pries Galaxia from the ground]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sirica''': Galaxia... Now I know my mother remained a true warrior to the end. :'''Meta Knight''': Sirica. She would have been very proud of you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': Well, Meta Knight, she really was a great warrior. ===''Fitness Fiend'' [3.10] === :'''King Dedede''': ''[Surrounded by potato chip bags]'' Y'know, there's jus' somthin' about sittin' in front o' the TV all day long that gives me the nibblies! :'''Escargoon''': Just look at this mess! Where do you expect me to put all these soggy sacks? :'''King Dedede''': This looks like a good place! ''[Shoves an empty bag onto Escargoon's head]'' :'''Escargoon''': You know, you're a real couch potato. You're as big as a couch and you're full of potatoes. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': Hey! You're a doctor, not a detective! Mind your own business, Yabui! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Meta Knight''': He has fallen, and cannot get up! <hr width="50%"/> :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Hey, what up, D? :'''King Dedede''': Zip yer layer! :'''Escargoon''': Your chips made his majesty a travesty! :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': It's not our fault he can't control his appetite! We made those snacks to fatten up Kirby, not you, sire. :'''King Dedede''': Why'd ya have to go and make 'em so delicious?! Nobody can resist those things! THEY'S TOO DANG TASTY!!!! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Max Flexer''': Treadmills are a lot of fun. You'll survive 'em if you run! Get it going really fast, or this race will be your last! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': If dinner's in, I'm out. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': ''[after Kirby has transformed into Mike Kirby]'' Oh no! I forgot how terrible Microphone Kirby's singing is! ===''Mabel Turns the Tables'' [3.11] === :'''Mayor Len Blustergas''': ''[about Curio's fortune]'' He must have picked the stone! NO!! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': I know what you're doing. Samo, you should be ashamed of yourself! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lady Like''': My husband's prime minister! :'''Escargoon''': Your husband's unemployed, [[w:Blondie (band)|Blondie]]! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': I suppose the royal golf course is a bust? :'''Mabel''': You said it, not I. ===''Something to Sneeze At'' [3.12] === :'''Escargoon''': Ah...ah...ah...ah...AH-CHOO!!! :'''King Dedede''': ''[grunts]'' You sprayed me! Now what was that for!? <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': HEY, YOU, META KNIGHT! Whadda' you know about all the sneezin' and wheezin' that's goin' round' here? :''[Meta Knight coughs and runs off]'' :'''King Dedede''': Even Meta Knight got a cold! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': Maybe this cold bug only infects intelligent life forms. :'''King Dedede''': What did you say? :'''Escargoon''': Oh, that's right. You didn't catch it either. I wonder what that fact would imply. :'''King Dedede''': Are you saying I'm a brainless as they are? :'''Escargoon''': Of course not. It must be something else you have in common. :'''King Dedede''': Oh really? Like what? :'''Escargoon''': Well, I don't know, Sire. Maybe it's just a.....personality thing. :'''King Dedede''': Hmm. What's that supposed to mean? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kirby''': Ahh..ahh.ahhhh.... CHOO!! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': I turned myself into an ice cube and I still ain't sick. What am I doing wrong!? :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Maybe you're too warm-hearted. ===''The Kirby Quiz'' [3.13] === :'''King Dedede''': Here it is! A spankin' new year. Who knows? Maybe this year, I'll turn over a new leaf and treat folks more nice-like. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': A happy New Year to you, folks...and what better way to ring in the new year than with our newest program: The Kirby Quiz Challenge! If you think you got what it takes to win, then brush up on your Kirby Kirby Kirby trivia and sign up today! Five different teams will be chosen. So come on down, folks, you just might win first prize! <hr width="50%"/> :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Greetings, and Happy New Year from all your friends at Nightmare Enterprises! I'll be hosting tonight's Kirby Quiz and I just know we're going to have a rockin' good time! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Honey''': I think it was Stone Kirby. :'''Mabel''': I think you are right. ''[presses button]'' :'''Tokkori''': What's the answer? :'''Tuff''': It was Fire Kirby. ''[presses button]'' :'''Samo''': I don't recall. :'''Kawasaki''': I'll take a wild guess. ''[presses button, answering "Needle"]'' :'''Tiff''': That's easy. It was Fire Kirby, remember? :'''Kirby''': ''[pressing button]'' Fire! :'''Escargoon''': It was Fire Kirby for sure. :'''King Dedede''': Haha! Stone Kirby! ''[presses button]'' :''[Escargoon gasps]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': This tough cookie fought against Kirby only to become a great hero. What was his name? :'''Mabel and Honey''': Knuckle Joe! ''[presses button]'' :'''Samo and Kawasaki''': Knuckle Joe! ''[presses button]'' :'''Tiff and Kirby''': Knuckle Joe! ''[presses button]'' :'''Tuff and Tokkori''': Knuckle Joe! ''[presses button]'' :'''Escargoon''': Knuckle Joe! :'''King Dedede''': ''[presses button]'' DEDEDE! :''[Audience breaks out laughing]'' :'''Escargoon''': I had the right answer! :'''King Dedede''': Guess my hands must have slipped or something. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tuff and Tokkori''': Spin Kick! ''[Tokkori presses button]'' :'''King Dedede and Escargoon''': Who cares, anyway? :''[The entire audience breaks out laughing]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[The new year is welcomed with fireworks above Castle Dedede. King Dedede and Escargoon, on the other hand, are standing atop the mouth of a cannon/fireworks launcher]'' :'''King Dedede''': Please, please, I beg you! :'''Escargoon''': We promise to never cheat again! :''[Waddle Doo laughs mischievously as he lights the fuse, launching the two into the air alongside the fireworks where they get caught in their explosions]'' :'''King Dedede''': What kind of prize is this 'ere?! :'''Escargoon''': It looks like we're startin' the new year off with a bang! :''[King Dedede and Escargoon get launched back into the air and caught in even more fireworks explosions, including a Kirby-shaped one, as the citizens of Dream Land happily watch]'' :'''Tiff''': Looks like it's a Happy New Year already. :'''Kirby''': ''[jumps happily into the air]'' Poyo! Poyo! ===''Masher 2.0'' [3.14] === :'''Lady Like''': ''[sees Tuff's soccer ball]'' Tuff, you know better. Take this ball outside. :'''Tuff''': ''[about the outside storm]'' Out there? ''[cue booming thunder sounds, startling Kirby and the kids]'' :'''Sir Ebrum''': The weather's taken a nasty turn. :'''Tiff''': I've never seen lightning this bad. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Meta Knight''': Tuff. Knuckle Joe is in danger. :'''Tuff''': I know. There's a monster chasin' him, isn't there? :'''Meta Knight''': Yes. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sword Knight''': Big trouble's headed our way. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Knuckle Joe''': I ain't sure how, but Masher's been rebuilt. And now it's out for revenge. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Knuckle Joe''': ''[to Masher 2.0]'' You're a lot stronger than me, that's for sure. But you've got a bucket of bolts for a brain! ''[Masher approaches]'' Get ready to rock! ''[punches the rock he's standing on, causing it to shatter]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': ''[to King Dedede]'' Socked by a soccer ball. Your first sports injury! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tuff''': ''[gives Knuckle Joe the power amplifier]'' Here, Joe! This'll help you beat Masher! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Meta Knight''': ''[to Knuckle Joe]'' The gem in that medallion is special. Take good care of it. It holds the fighting power... of your father. ===''The Chill Factor'' [3.15] === :'''King Dedede''': What?! You blamin' this here weather on me!? :'''Escargoon''': You two brats need to take a chill pill! :'''Tuff''': Don't act innocent! How come it got so cold all of a sudden? :'''Tiff''': I bet you ordered another freeze monster! :'''Escargoon''': Oh, is that so? ''[As he shows a "Notice" bill sign]'' Guess again! :'''Tiff''': Huh? "Due to late charges on your account, until further notice, you can no longer order any monsters"? :'''Kirby''': Poyo. :'''Tuff''': Ha! Maybe you better start paying your bills. :'''Escargoon''': We don't need advice from a pipsqueak like you! :'''King Dedede''': I can pay them bills any time I want to. Only I don't want to! :''[Both laughing. Dedede sneezes]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': Hmm. What's all that jabba join' about down there? :'''Escargoon''': There those drippy Cappies are rollin' out the welcome wagon for those creepy Pengy. :'''King Dedede''': Well I want to meet him too. Hey, Waddle Doo! :'''Waddle Doo''': You pardon me, Your Majesty, but I got some bad news for ya. See, the rest of the guys ''[cut to the scene where The Waddle Dees huddle close to the oven for warmth]'' ain't handlin' this cold so good, and they're all sick. :'''King Dedede''': THEY'RE ALL FIRED! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pengy''': It is the Pengys' fate to wander far and wide. We are very weary but happy to have stumbled upon your chilly village. We would like to rest here for a while if you will have us. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Kirby and the kids have found a giant air conditioner that's been spewing cold air into the sky, discovering the source of the second wave of Winter weather in Dream Land]'' :'''Tuff''': Hey Tiff, what is that thing? :'''Kirby''': Poyo? :'''Tiff''': Now it all makes sense. :'''Tuff & Kirby''': Huh? :'''Tiff''': The Pengy tribe brought this here on purpose, and it's so powerful that it turned our summer into winter. :'''Tuff''': Yeah, but why? :'''Kirby''': Poyo... :''[suddenly, the trio hears a familiar voice. It's Pengy]'' :'''Pengy''': So, it looks as though our young friends have discovered our secret. ''[laughs as the trio turns around to see him and his guards ambush them and surround them with their spears]'' :'''Tiff''': Pengy! :''[Tuff gasps in horror]'' :'''Kirby''': Poyo! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': <big><big>'''''WHO DID THAT?!'''''</big></big> :'''Escargoon''': I think they did that, Sire. :'''Pengy''': ''[laughs]'' Your reign is through, King Dede-dumb! We're in charge. <hr width="50%"/> :''[King Dedede and Escargoon are forced to mop up the castle by the new guards]'' :'''Pengy guard''': Hey, you! Watch it, will ya?! :'''Escargoon''': We're very sorry, Mister guard sir. :'''Pengy guard''': Yeah. ''[As he walk away and door closes]'' :'''King Dedede''': ''[Growls in enrage and he hitting a bucket with a mop]'' HOW DARE THEY PUT ME IN A MOP DUTY!? ''[He breaks a mop]'' :'''Escargoon''': Chin up, Kirby will find us, Sire, he just has to. :'''King Dedede''': That little pink pest ain't so bad after all. I oughta ease up on that little meatball. :'''Escargoon''': ''[Sighs]'' If only he were here. :'''King Dedede''': Mmm-hmm. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pengy''': ''[laughs]'' More ice. How thoughtful of you, Kirby! :'''Meta Knight''': This is going to get frosty! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kirby''': ''[Singing]'' Payao puh poyo pay ya pa poyo poyo payo pay, poyo! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': Even though they shouldn't have done what they did, they have a point. :'''Kirby''': Poyo. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': Delightful. This weather simply perfect, Sire. Not too cool and not too hot. :'''King Dedede''': And all we got to do to keep it that way is flip a few switches. :''[Both laugh until Tiff, Tuff, and Kirby pour water on them and knock their electric fans over]'' :'''King Dedede''': <big><big>'''''HEY! WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA!?'''''</big></big> :'''Escargoon''': You brats could have electrocuted me! :'''Tiff''': The Pengy were right. So starting today we're conserving energy. :''[Kirby proceeds to soak in a small tub, Tiff and Tuff laugh. The episode ends]'' ===''The School Scam'' [3.16] === :'''King Dedede''': A while back, we celebrated the inauguration of Dream Land's first school: the Dedede Academy. It was dedicated to the noble cause of making all the kiddies behave right. With a little help from Nightmare Enterprises, the school was up and runnin', with lots of classic classes like: how to pitch a pipsqueak, and advanced sledge-hammin'! Things really got rollin' once we got our schoolyard set up. Them brats had loads of fun when I combined gym and detention into one theory. But it all blew up in my face, thanks to that killjoy, Kirby! No matter what I do, that little pink runt wrecks everything! ''[cries]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kirk''': I sure hope our new school's built better than this dump! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Smirk''': There ain't no one to stop us, so we can teach all we want! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kirk''': ''[as Tiff enters the classroom]'' What are you doing here? :'''Dirk''': You got expelled from school. :'''Smirk''': And we did the expellin'. :'''Tiff''': I'm taking charge here and you're taking a hike. ''[Kirby, Tuff, and the Cappy kids are surprised]'' :'''Dirk''': You don't count so good for a math teacher. :'''Kirk''': It's three against one! :'''Tiff''': True... But I've got one brain and you three bullies haven't gotten any. :'''Smirk''': Then let's have a toughness test! :'''Tiff''': That's fine with me. <hr width="50%/> :'''Smirk''': You ain't such a bad brawler for a teacher. Too bad I gotta clobber ya. :'''Tiff''': I hope you like to travel, because I'm gonna send you packing. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tuff''': YAY!!! :'''Tokkori''': HOORAY!!! :'''Kirby''': POYO!!! :'''Kirby, Tuff, and the Cappy kids''': ''[cheering]'' :'''Tiff''': No! :''[Kirby, Tuff, and the Cappy kids gasp]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': Maybe... but teachers are supposed to solve problems with their heads, not their hands. I wish I could figure out a way to reach even those three guys. To help them see learning's really interesting. When you goof off in school, you could be missing something really great and never even realize it. The most important job of the teacher is to help your students want to learn. It's really sad when you don't succeed. There are so many great things to discover in this world. School gives you the tools that can help you learn. But the most important tool of all is the curiosity inside us. Promise me that you guys will never give up trying to learn new things. Promise! That's... all, I guess. <hr width="50%"/> :'''MT2''': Here we come, Kirby! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': Aaah! School's out! :'''Escargoon''': We failed again! :'''King Dedede''': There's always next semester! ==='' Delivery Dilemma'' [3.17] === :'''Escargoon''': De-De want his din-din, huh? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Waddle Doo''': Kawasaki's got a brand new delivery service, Your Majesty! :'''King Dedede''': Why did no one tell me, huh?! ''[his stomach rumbles]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tuff''': ''[brings out a nice hot bowl of ramen]'' Here, nice hot noodles. :'''King Dedede''': Hot... noodles...? ''[steps closer to Tuff, laughing all the while, while quickly recovering from his red eyes of sleeplessness]'' <big><big>'''''THEY'S FINALLY HERE!!!'''''</big></big> :'''Escargoon''': Thanks, kid. ''[takes the bowl of ramen before Dedede can grab it]'' :'''King Dedede''': Huh? ''[sees Escargoon eating the ramen and grabs him]'' You no-good noodle-nabber! ''[swipes the ramen bowl]'' :'''Escargoon''': ''[swipes his ramen bowl back]'' Hands off! I just ordered these for myself. :'''King Dedede''': What's that?! :'''Tuff''': That's right. He called 10 minutes ago. :'''King Dedede''': Yeah? Well I ordered me a big bowl of noodles yesterday. ''[releases Escargoon]'' I thought mine got here first. :'''Tuff''': Uh oh. I guess Kirby goofed up after all. Uh, be right back with your order! ''[runs off back to Restaurant Kawasaki]'' :'''King Dedede''': ''[angrily growls]'' I should've known it was Kirby, that nasty little pasta poacher! I'm gonna get me my own delivery dude so there ain't no more mess-up! ===''Trick or Trek'' [3.18] === :'''Tiff''': When is everybody gonna learn that we have to treat nature with respect? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Whispy Woods''': Perhaps you can bring tour groups here to help them learn about the forest. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': That's a great idea. :'''Escargoon''': You're right, Sire. Let's steal it. :'''King Dedede''': This'll be the perfect way to destroy Whispy Woods and build our golf course. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': ''[about what King Dedede just said]'' Did he say Eco-tour? :'''Tuff''': Hey, Tiff! That's your idea! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chief Bookem''': If it's a survival test, I'm up for it. It might be a good way to stay in shape. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': Okay, Cappies, let's get started! The first thing you need to know about eco-touring is that it's rough stuff, so don't expect to get pampered like a bunch of primaballeroonies! Now everybody grab a backpack and let's get the lead out! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': That there falls is gonna make a whopper of a water hazard. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chief Bookem''': This eco-tour hikin' isn't any fun at all. :'''Tiff''': That isn't true. It's even more fun because it's educational. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': ''[chuckles]'' I hope she keeps on buggin' everybody. Pretty soon, they'll hate her more than they hate us! :'''King Dedede''': Yeah, that kid's pricklier than a hive a' hornets. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Meanwhile, King Dedede and Escargoon manage to get out of the river, and soon realize they are lost as well]'' :'''King Dedede''': Maybe this golf course is just a selfish worthless idea of mine. :'''Escargoon''': My thoughts exactly. :'''King Dedede''': ''[glares at Escargoon]'' Huh? :'''Escargoon''': I was just kidding. It's worth it. It's worth it! :'''King Dedede''': You little liar! ''[snarls angrily]'' :'''Escargoon''': Wait, Majesty! We have more urgent problems! Like being lost in the wilderness without our map! :'''King Dedede''': Whatcha talkin' about lost!? I don't wanna be lost in these scary woods! :'''Escargoon''': Join the club, sire. :''[They start crying]'' :'''King Dedede''': I'm sorry I yelled at ya. :'''Escargoon''': I'm sorry you did too. :''[Both continue crying]'' :'''King Dedede''': What's the matter? :'''Escargoon''': Look who's coming this way, sire! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': We have to make sure they see our smoke signal. :'''King Dedede''': This oughtta do the trick. :''[suddenly, the fire they placed bursts into an even bigger one to their surprise, causing the nearby trees to catch fire much to Escargoon's shock]'' :'''Escargoon''': Ah! The whole forest could catch on fire. :'''King Dedede''': Hey, great idea! :'''Escargoon''': Huh? :'''King Dedede''': We gotta clear out Whispy Woods for my golf course and this is the quick, easy way! :'''Escargoon''': ''[smiles delightfully in response to Dedede's voiced idea]'' Your blazin' new trail, Sire! :'''King Dedede''': And afterwards, there's gonna be a lotta charcoal 'round a useful barbecuein'! :'''Escargoon''': Let's go! Before we get cooked... ''[he and Dedede are scared off by the flames, which have now grown bigger and are spreading quickly through the forest, causing a huge forest fire]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Whispy Woods''': I will protect you for as long as I am able. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Waddle Doo''': Hey! Are you down here, Your Highness? Yo, Escargoon! Where are you guys? ===''Buccaneer Birdy'' [3.19] === :'''Tokkori''': Nobody appreciates me. I can't help it if I'm obnoxious. I mean, it's not my fault that I'm superior to everybody else, right? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': Yep! Tokkori's ancestor used to sit perched up on his shoulder which must have been murder on his dry-cleaning bills! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tokkori''': So now we know I'm a noble. ''[chews]'' Guess I'll live with ya here at the castle, huh? ''[chews]'' I don't ''[gulps]'' mind. ''[chews]'' But I warn ya, I can't stand loud snorin' when I'm tryin' to sleep. I bet Blue Boy here snores even louder than Kirby, so ya better keep it quiet or you're gone! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tuff''': Quit stallin' and hand over Tokkori's treasure now! :'''Kirby''': Poyo! :'''Escargoon''': That birdseed brain's out of luck. The king and I are goin' fifty-fifty! :'''King Dedede''': Fool. I used it all to buy myself more monsters! :'''Escargoon''': But sire... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': I guess Tokkori will always be Tokkori after all. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kine''': Hey, Tiff! This is a friend of mine, and I asked him to catch these guys for ya! ===''A Whale of a Tale'' [3.20] === :'''Kine''': SUSHI!?!? :'''Kirby''': Sushi poyo! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chief Bookem''': Holy cow! Look at the size of that thing! :'''Mayor Len Blustergas''': What kind of creature is it? :'''Tiff''': That's a whale. This book says whales are the largest living mammals. They breathe through a blowhole in the top of their heads. :'''Professor Curio''': Absolutely fascinating. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kine''': Hey there, folks! I just heard some bad news from one of my pals down here. Says there's a baby whale that's been reported missing from its mama! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': Now, listen up here, Cappies! We're about to set sail on a whale watchin' cruise. It's free and you get to see real whales! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': Well, he's finally pickin' on someone his own size. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': See that? That big hunk o' blubber's a menace to society! That whale oughtta be in jail. :'''Escargoon''': You're right, Sire. We have to capture it. It's a danger to us all! :'''Tuff''': HEY! :'''Tiff''': What's wrong? :'''Tuff''': We saw what you're hidin' down there. Nets and harpoons and stuff for catching whales! :'''Kirby''': ''[angrily]'' Poyo! :'''Tiff''': For catching whales?! :'''King Dedede''': Aww. Guess we've been found out. Escargoon? :'''Escargoon''': Aye aye, Sire. ''[presses a button and Dedede's boat reveals its true form as a whaling ship]'' :'''Tiff''': This isn't a tour boat. It's a whaling ship! :'''King Dedede''': ''[laughing]'' Time to start whalin'! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': We can't just leave this junk here. :'''Chief Bookem''': Hmm. She's got a point. :'''Mayor Len Blustergas''': I suppose it's part of our civic duty. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kine''': Sire, that isn't an island. :'''Tiff''': Not an island? Then what... :'''King Dedede''': Yeah? Well what do ya call it, then? <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': Where are we? What kind of island is this?! :'''Tiff''': That isn't an island at all. You just brought whale watching to a whole new level! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': What's goin' on?! :'''Escargoon''': Talk about a blowhard! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': Isn't it great? When you show respect for all creatures, who knows what wonderful things you can learn? :'''Kirby''': Poyo poyo! Poyo! ===''Waddle While You Work'' [3.21] === :'''Tiff''': That's just horrible! :'''Chef Kawasaki''': What is? :'''Tiff''': Taking advantage of those poor things! :'''Curio''': Would you all rather they work for Dedede? :'''Tiff''': Uh, well... :'''Tuff''': Hey, Tiff, we never thought about that. :'''Gengu''': After all, it's not as if we don't treat 'em right! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': This is hopeless. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Escargoon notices Kirby in the garden of the castle of Dedede, which is where Waddle Dees are going into a machine to be sold and touches Dedede. Escargoon starts to whisper a plan to sell Kirby as a Waddle Dee with most of it being unintelligible. The only words that can be clearly heard are Kirby and something sweet]'' :'''King Dedede''': That's a good idea. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Waddle Doo''': Your Highness! Let go of the boy! :'''Tiff''': He wants Dyna Chick for his dinner! :'''King Dedede''': That's right, and I ain't givin' up this here bird no way no how! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': I'll get you, Kirby! That's the last time you steal my dinner! YOU CHICKEN THIEF! ===''Dedede's Raw Deal'' [3.22] === :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': But D-Man, this is high tech. The equipment costs a fortune! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': This grub tastes grubby. :'''Escargoon''': Ugh. If you eat fast, you won't notice. :''[Dedede and Escargoon are both finishing eating a bowl of rice. Dedede burps]'' :'''Escargoon''': Revolting. ''[burps]'' :'''Chef Kawasaki''': Glad you enjoyed it. Your Majesty, I could use some financial help. :'''King Dedede''': ''[laughs]'' I bet you want a loan! :'''Escargoon''': That's an even riskier proposition than eating your food. :'''Chef Kawasaki''': If I had a little money I could make the restaurant even bigger. :'''Escargoon''': BUT IT'S EMPTY NOW! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': Kawasaki, don't fall for it! ''[Kawasaki exclaims]'' Dedede must have something up his sleeve. :'''Tuff''': And it's not just his arm! :'''Kirby''': Poyo! :'''Escargoon''': Why you?! How dare you question His Majesty's integrity!? Why, he's as honest as the day is dark! :'''Tiff and Tuff''': Huh? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': This looks fabulous. Let's ask some of the local yokels what their relatively worthless opinions are! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chef Kawasaki''': Hold on! Sushi is a very special dish that has a long and proud history. Sushi making is an art! Anybody who uses a robot to make sushi is just selling out for profit. Now... let's get that sushi rolling! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': That's a pretty big stack for someone who hates this idea. :'''Tiff''': I have no comments for you. :'''Tuff''': Go away. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Waddle Doo''': This news update was brought to you by DDD's Revolving Sushi Bar! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': This isn't news, it's a commerci- ''[hiccups and covers her mouth]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chef Kawasaki''': This is great, Sire! Soon, I'll be earning a dime a day. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': You'll get a small raise when my investment's paid off. At this rate, that should only take about 10 or 20 years! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': This sushi monster's gonna clobber Kirby! :'''Escargoon''': Yeah. It sure is well-armed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': Kirby, listen up! ''[Kirby hiccups]'' If you don't get rid of those hiccups, you'll never be able to eat again! :'''Kirby''': ''[Freaking out]'' POYO!!!!! ''[Jumps and spins around to freshen up and his hiccups are gone]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chef Kawasaki''': Look, Sire. It's raining calamari! :'''King Dedede''': Great. I'm bankrupt and all I got is a lifetime supply of squid. :'''Escargoon''': We're broke now! What do we do? :'''Chef Kawasaki''': That's easy. We can use this squid to make sushi. Right? :''[Dedede and Escargoon crying; Tiff and Tuff laughing]'' :'''Tuff''': Kirby loves his sushi. :'''Tiff''': He's happy. :''[Tiff and Tuff laughing again]'' :'''Kirby''': Poyo! ===''Caterpillar Thriller'' [3.23] === :'''King Dedede''': ''[laughs]'' Everybody's sick 'cept me! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Waddle Doo''': S'cuse me! Me and the Waddle Dees all got stuffy heads, and that ain't much fun when you're all head like us! :''[Waddle Dees sneezing]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': Yeah, well maybe you feel fine 'cause you have to have somethin' in your head to get a head cold! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': If we're all getting allergies this year, that means the pollen's worse than usual! Look! You can even see it! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tuff''': Maybe there's somebody who's spreading extra pollen around on purpose. ''[sneezes]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''N.M.E Sales Guy''': Actually, there's a special dust that'll do the trick for ya, and there's a monster who can get it for ya free. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kirby''': Poyo! Poyoy! Ehh...poyye, poyooyo! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': Get it, Kirby! I can't take these sinus allergies anymore. ''[sneezes]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Island Sisters''': Mosugaba truly wants to live in peace. It is only attacking to set us free. But we can sing to Mosugaba to calm him down. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': Come back here, you! ''[sneezes]'' I can't beat Kirby 'less you stay and turn him into a sneezeball! ''[sneezes]'' ===''Fossil Fools - Part I'' [3.24] === :'''Tuff''': Looks like Dedede's really into this dinosaur stuff, huh? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': Well what are ya waitin' for, Sire? Steal credit, will ya? <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': ''[laughs]'' I got me a dinosaur! I s'prised a tyranno-ma-saurus, here! Stronger than a stego-ma-saurus, an apato-ma-saurus, and a verlocirapt-agon! Ain't that right?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': WHERE ALL THE DINOSAURS AT?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': ''[reading Dedede's book about dinosaurs]'' Lots of folks say that dinosaurs is extinct, but I say the proof is in the pictures. ''[laughing]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Sorry, D. Dinosaurs have been out of stock for 65 million years. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Doctor Moro''': I'm Doctor Moro. I came to your village when I heard about your great discovery. I've set up a new laboratory at the castle! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': I'm not sure if we should, Doctor. I dunno if I'd feel right fooling around with nature like that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': ''[screams]'' Look at that thing! :'''King Dedede''': Looks kinda familiar! ===''Fossil Fools - Part II'' [3.25] === :'''King Dedede''': ''[laughs]'' Escarsaurus sure is a dino wimp, I'd say. :'''Escargoon''': Give him all you've got, Escarsaurus! Tackle that tub of lard! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Buttercup''': ''[to Chief Bookem]'' That dinosaur has your face! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mabel''': Something about that dinosaur looks familiar. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mabel''': Have I gone mad, Samo, or did those dinosaurs look just like you and me? :'''Samo''': They did indeed. But I must admit, I find you much prettier. :'''Mabel''': I hope so. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': That dinosaur looks just like me! :'''Tuff''': She even has your personality! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kirby''': Yaaaiie suikaa poyoo! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Doctor Moro''': It would be foolish to destroy my laboratory. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chef Kawasaki''': Hey, he looks just like me! :'''Tuff''': It's a Kawasakisaurus! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Doctor Moro''': Thanks to your invaluable tip, Tiff, I have achieved what I believe to be my greatest creation. By using Star Warrior DNA, I have created the ULTIMATE MONSTER!! ''[evilly laughs and turns into a monster]'' ==Season 4== ===''Dedede's Monsterpiece'' [4.1] === :'''Escargoon''': Majesty, have you forgotten you're supposed to return these paintings in perfect condition?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Waddle Doo''': After droppin' off your artwork, please note down your name, address, and telephone number in the sign-in book. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': This is real art! I've never seen anything so breathtaking before! We have to tell everybody about 'em! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': ''[points to a huge, cross-eyed version of himself]'' Right here, that's me. Since I'm what you'd call the star of this here paintin', I'm smack-dab in the middle! You'll note the perspecticles, and I put a big old impressionistic Sun ''[a red circle with lines coming off it]'' up there, see? ''[Points to his small castle, and a huge misshapen-looking Escargoon next to it]'' Right there is my castle, and right next to it is Escargoon. Note the lack of depth. ''[points to an awkwardly-angled version of Mayor Len Blustergas with noodle arms and two giant angry Pac-Man-like sheep behind him]'' This here's the Mayor being chased by his sheep. ''[points to a misshapen Kirby in the corner of the painting]'' And this here's Kirby. He's being chased by me! See, I drawed him all lumpy to express his inner lumpiness! :'''Kirby''': ''[angrily hopping up and down]'' POYO! <big><big>'''''POYOOOO!'''''</big></big> <hr width="50%"/> :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Original art can get kinda step there, Big D. One alone could set you back a cool two mil'. Why not just order a monster who could paint for ya? <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': Ain't you done yet? :'''King Dedede's portrait''': What'd you think? :'''King Dedede''': I'm see a thing! ''[He runs near the portrait, but the giant portrait of Dedede was materializing to life]'' :'''King Dedede's portrait''': I'll show you who's ruler 'round here! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Meta Knight''': Whatever he paints comes to life: even the most dangerous things. ===''Right Hand Robot'' [4.2] === :'''King Dedede''': You must be cleaning this castle with your eye-shut. It's filthy! ''[He blows the dust at Escargoon]'' :'''Escargoon''': ''[coughing]'' I dust this dump every day! I can't be a full-time housekeeper and a full-time lackey. :'''King Dedede''': Well, you better find a way you out of here. :'''Escargoon''': But sire, I need this rotten job. :'''King Dedede''': It's time for my massage. :''[Escargoon massaging Dedede on a back, grunting]'' :'''King Dedede''': Quit wimpin' out. Pull a little muscle into. :'''Escargoon''': How's this? :'''King Dedede''': LOUSY! This is how you give a massage! :'''Escargoon''': ''[screaming as Dedede stretching his arms]'' Uncle! ''[thuds]'' That wasn't too relaxing. :'''King Dedede''': Guess I'll have to pull harder next time. ''[laying down on a beach lounge chair]'' Fetch me a toothpick and my monster catalogue. :''[Escargoon scowls]'' :'''King Dedede''': ''[Being serious]'' What you waiting for!? :'''Escargoon''': Sorry, Sire. ''[He scurried]'' :'''King Dedede''': My monster catalogue. :'''Escargoon''': Ugh. I've forgot. ''[He scurried again]'' :'''King Dedede''': Magnifying glasses. :'''Escargoon''': Sorry, Sire. ''[He scurried once again]'' Here. :'''King Dedede''': I want me a cup of tea. :'''Escargoon''': ''[He scurried again once more]'' Yes, Sire. :'''King Dedede''': Too cold. :'''Escargoon''': Right. ''[He keep scurried]'' :'''King Dedede''': Too hot. :'''Escargoon''': ''[He scurried slowly, panting]'' The King's runnin' me ragged here! I wish he'd give me some time off to take a trip! ''[He tripped on a carpet as the cup of tea spilled on his head, screamed in pain]'' Hot tea! Hot tea! Hot tea! Hot tea! :'''King Dedede''': Escargoon! :'''Escargoon''': His Highness does care about me. Oh, Si..''[Getting hitted by Dedede's mallet]'' :'''King Dedede''': You spilled tea on my carpet! :'''Escargoon''': But Sire, I'm bound to make mistakes when you overwork me and don't give me a break. :'''King Dedede''': Well if you fooled up again I'll give you plenty of breaks from head to toe. :'''Escargoon''': Hmph! You snail-driver! I'm tired of being harassed, tired of being insulted, and tired of being tired! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': Escargoon! This your pea-brained idea of a joke?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': No, Sire. I built this robot to make life easier for us both. Escar-droid will be at your command twenty four hours a day! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': That robot was built sturdy, but it only took a day for me to bust its bolts. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escar-Droid''': MUST. CRUSH. KIRBY. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': I'll get you this time, Kirby! :'''Meta Knight''': No, you won't! ''[slides into Escargoon and sends him flying into a tree]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''N.M.E. Salesman''': Escargoon's droid has now transformed itself from a peaceful servant robot into a lethal combat robot; fully armed and ready to do battle! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': ''[warning Dedede]'' Just don't touch it! :'''King Dedede''': I hate it when you tell me "Don't". That means I gotta do! ''[He hits Escargoon with his mallet]'' Let's see. ''[He presses the button of Escar-Droid]'' ===''Goin' Bonkers'' [4.3] === :'''Bonkers''': Look for him. :'''Mabel''': You want me to tell you Kirby's future? :'''Bonkers''': Kirby, in here? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tokkori''': Ha ha! I bet ya Kirby went on a banana-eatin' binge and gobbled up all his food supply! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': What? A gorilla hammering folks on a head? :'''Waddle Doo''': I heard that if you don't give 'im money or bananas, he gets real mad, and that's when he strikes. :'''Escargoon''': He sounds like a bill collector which means he'll come here for the nine million we owe N.M.E.. :'''King Dedede''': So how much would nine million be if we pay him in bananas? :'''Escargoon''': Huh? I don't know the exchange rate for fruit. :'''King Dedede''': Well, ain't no bullying bill collector gonna knock on my royal noggin'! Throw that gorilla into whose gal! :'''Escargoon''': Let's hope he doesn't make a chimpanzee out of you. ''[Getting hitted by Dedede's mallet]'' :'''King Dedede''': Hey, Waddle Doo! Go and get that gorilla! :'''Waddle Doo''': Let's move it! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': Kirby's in big trouble if that gorilla can track him down before we do. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': [[w:Planet of the Apes (1968 film)|You dog-gone dirty ape!]] <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tuff''': Yeah! Why would a big gorilla be lookin' for Kirby? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bonkers''': Me want to train with Kirby. :'''Spikehead, Honey, and Iroo''': Train with Kirby? <hr width="50%"/> :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': That's a ridiculous idea. Who ever heard of making a giant gorilla monster? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bonkers' keeper''': Oh, boy, it's almost time for my favorite show to start. ''[chuckles]'' Oh, I love this guy. He's so cute! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Meta Knight''': He was never really a monster. That fall changed him back to his true self. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Meta Knight''': His spirit has proven to be as noble as any Star Warrior's. ===''Power Ploy'' [4.4] === :'''King Dedede''': Why, just last night I was working at my desk burning up the midnight oil! :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Did... I just hear you say you were working? :'''King Dedede''': Yep! I spent hours at my PC! :'''Escargoon''': And he almost got it turned on, too! ''[laughs before getting hammered by Dedede]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Upwardly mobile types like us can easily get worn down. That's why we came up with a new energy-booster drink to keep you going like gangbusters round the clock. It's called Pump Up D! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chef Kawasaki''': Yeah! I have tons of energy! Ha-haha! I feel like Super Kawasaki! Up and away! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cappy patient''': Doctor... Isn't there anything you can do? I feel awful all over. :'''Dr. Yabui''': There's no cure... unless you drink this Pump Up D! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': Yo! Wake up, you slumberheads! Goin' to sleep is for wimps! Let's stay up and party all night long! You snoozers are losers! Upwardly-mobile folks like Yours Truly drink down lots of Pump-Up D to keep ourselves movin' and shakin' twenty five hours a day! From now on, nobody in this here kingdom be drinkin' nothin' but Pump-Up D! Pump-Up D will make ya like me! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': Glu-gly-cero-poly-carbo-phosphate. This health drink is totally unhealthy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Triple D, this snake monster is guaranteed to rattle Kirby. ===''A Trashy Tale'' [4.5] === :'''Escargoon''': I can't tell if this is a throne room or a landfill. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': Hold on, there! That was some perfectly good month old cheesy nachos you just threw out! <hr width="50%"/> :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': With all due respect, D, what's with making us your trash stash? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tuff''': Boy, I'm sure gonna be in trouble when I get home later! Hey, Kirby! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Yabui''': It took me months and months to finish this article!! ''[growls]'' WHO DID THIS?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Yabui''': I'm messy, eh? Just wait 'til I get my hands on you! I'll show you messy! My paper's ruined! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': You don't know the whole story. There's too much stuff in the lost and found in the station, so the Chief's been storing it here. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': This might be the trashiest thing we've ever done. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Meta Knight''': Trash Basher, the garbage monster. This stinks. <hr width="50%"/> :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Thought it might be a nice gesture. Seeing as you were sweet enough to send us your trash, we thought we'd send you some of ours. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': If Kirby don't eat up Muck-Mouth quick, this whole town gonna be buried under one humongous heap a' slimy slop! ''[spits]'' It's downright sickening! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tuff''': Yeah! We haven't seen Cleaning Kirby in ages! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': ''[To Tuff]'' Don't laugh, you have to clean your room too! :''[Tuff nervously Laughs]'' :'''Kirby''': ''[while Handing Tuff A Broom]'' Poyo, Poyo! :'''Tuff''': Ah boy, what a dirty trick. ===''Cooking Up Trouble'' [4.6] === :'''Lady Like''': I'll be home late, and I won't be able to make dinner for you. So get something from the refrigerator, okay? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': Wipe that dopey smirk off your face! To say cooking is womens' work is not only insulting, it's also a big fat lie! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sir Ebrum''': You're quite right, men can cook too. That's why I'm making dinner tonight. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sword Kinght''': Blade? :'''Blade Knight''': Ay? :'''Sword Knight''': Smells delicious, don't it? Course' anything would smell good compared to Meta knight's cooking! :''[Blade Knight speaks in foreign language]'' :'''Sword Knight''': You could say that again! :'''Meta Knight''': ''[he enters from behind]'' Say what again? :''[Sword and Blade turn around surprised]'' :'''Sword Knight''': Err... He was saying that your cooking... is beyond compare! :''[Blade Knight responds in foreign language]'' :'''Meta Knight''': Hmm... <hr width="50%"/> :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Just buy 'em and sell 'em bit by bit and watch 'em all come together. ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kirby''': ''[impatiently pacing]'' Poyo...poymm....poyo... Poyo! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tuff''': Ha, ha! Even Blade Knight and Sword Knight are here! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tokkori''': Phooey, that's one ugly Food Processor! Hope it works. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': And now we gonna cook ya up a heap and helpin' o' trouble! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': You gullible geeks thought you were buyin' food processors, but you were really buyin' parts for our cruel new tool! ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Waddle Doo''': Hurry up, we start in twenty-minutes! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chef Kawasaki''': Start with oil, I like my risotto nice and slippery! Add the rice, strawberries, and slowly stir over a medium flame until it's really gloppy! Now, add some grade-A...hey guys? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Meta Knight''': The robot seems to know Kirby's greatest weakness! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': Listen everybody! You're going about this thing the wrong way. Those machines can't cook for you because the most important ingredient is missing. You can't make great food unless you use your heart. Cooking isn't about using all the latest technology. Your food will always be mediocre unless you care about what you make. ===''Teacher's Threat'' [4.7] === :'''King Dedede''': Escargoon, I done founded not one but two schools here in Cappy Town. They was phony schools, a'course, set up to get rid a' Kirby. Well even though I deserved a' A for effort, every time I tried to teach that pink fake a lesson, I failed. Them schools was a great idea, but for some reason, they didn't do the job. Kirby's still kickin'! ''[weeps]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': It's time for me to face the fact that I may need some education. :'''Escargoon''': Education won't help you. The mind's only a terrible thing to waste if you have one. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': I'm gonna go to school and get me some learnin' so's I can finally figure out a way to outsmart Kirby! <hr width="50%"/> :'''N.M.E. Salesman''': I'd be happy to send a whole new set-up, D, but you still haven't paid me for the last one I sent. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tokkori''': What are you brats gonna learn standing out here in the rain? How to get soggy? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Honey''': Look everybody! The Sun's out! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mr. Chip''': I'm Mr. Chip, and I'm a teacher. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tuff''': But you're a king. Why would you want to be a student? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': I've got a better suggestion. If you really need someone for the job, I know a nice man who'd be perfect, and it just so happens he's a real teacher! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': But this school doesn't have anything to do with cooking. :'''Chef Kawasaki''': That's okay. My cooking doesn't have anything to do with cooking either! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': Kirby's tryin' to disrupt the class by saying "poyo" instead of "here"! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tuff''': Wow! You can't even write your initials? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mr. Chip''': I'm sorry, but in my classroom, everyone is equal, whether you're royalty or not. Let's try again, shall we, Dedede? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Honey''': Sir! If you made the flat part round, would that change the "D" into an "O"? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Spikehead''': Yeah! Just like Mr. Chip said it would! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Iro''': And if you shine a light in a mirror, it shines right back at you, right? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mr. Chip''': Punishment won't help him learn. What Dedede could use is a bit of encouragement. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': Well of course I do. If Mr. Chip could stay here in Cappy Town, I'd be the happiest girl alive. Mr. Chip is a wonderful man! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': I need some down time so my brain could re-coagulate. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mr. Chip''': I couldn't find a teaching job anywhere and that's when Nightmare Enterprises approached me. I signed a contract and they sent me here. But once I met these students I just couldn't bring myself to hurt them, you see. ===''Mumbies Madness'' [4.8] === :'''Tokkori''': You hear that weird noise over there? You go check it out and I'll go back to sleep. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Prof. Curio''': <big><big>'''LEAVE HERE IMMEDIATELY!!!'''</big></big> ''[his shouting sends Kirby into an immediate panic as the latter flees, and he laughs evilly as the relic he was excavating is unsealed]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Prof. Curio''': It's none of your business! Get lost! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': ''[about Professor Curio]'' But... why would he act so mean? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kabu''': Kirby. You must be careful. That monster will never stop attacking you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': ''[reading]'' Mumbies are a good luck monster. Whoever finds one will become rich. Mumbies dwell underground by day, and know where many fabulous treasures are buried. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Meta Knight''': The Mumbies are vicious monsters sent throughout the universe to hunt down and exterminate Star Warriors. When the containers that hold them are discovered, they are automatically unsealed, and they begin looking for Star Warriors to destroy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Prof. Curio''': It wasn't until I re-examined that book today that I realized what the King had done. I can't believe he tricked me! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': I'm givin' Kirby a good-bye gift! :'''Escargoon''': Get your good-byes ready, kid. Your little friend is finished! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': Easy, Sire. This is a comedy show, not a reality series! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': ''[seeing that Kirby has let the Mumbies get burned by the sun's rays]'' Kirby won! :'''Escargoon''': And who's fault was that? :''[Dedede screams in anger]'' ===''A Sunsational Surprise/A Sunsational Puzzle'' [4.9] === :'''Sir Ebrum''': Those were the days... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': Hey, mom? :'''Lady Like''': Yes, dear? :'''Tiff''': Are those wrinkles? :'''Lady Like''': WRINKLES!?!? ''[looks at herself in the mirror and then screams]'' The sun rays are mollifying me!! ''[to the viewer]'' Stop staring at me! My face is looking like a prune! ''[screams]'' Call the plastic surgeon! :'''Sir Ebrum''': Aren't you overreacting, dear? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': Uhh... Well, Sire, you look like a roast turkey whose timer never popped up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lady Like''': Outside?! ''[screams]'' Those beastly sunbeams are going to attack you! You're not going out there, is that clear?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tuff''': If Mom wants me to go back inside, she'll have to come out and get me! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': Yeah! Gives you wrinkles, blotches, and scabby-lookin' sores that make ya even uglier than usual! ''[laughs]'' But your worries is over if you buy this here stuff! DDD Sun Potion blocks them nasty UV rays, plus it instantly D-juvenates your skin and makes it all smooth and silky-like! Looks like a baby's behind! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': You can't believe every TV ad you see, especially if the product comes from King Dedede. He's up to something. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': Looks like she's found a night owl. :'''Tuff''': Yeah, but Mom's a cuckoo bird. ===''A Chow Challenge'' [4.10] === :'''Chef Kawasaki''': Hey, listen up everybody! I want you all to meet Nagoya. He's an old buddy of mine from way back when we were both students in cooking school. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chef Nagoya''': You really have made progress as a chef, Kawasaki. This is quite tasty! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tuff''': What's the big deal? It's not like there's anybody else here to eat 'em. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chef Kawasaki''': I don't want Nagoya to find out that I still can't cook! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': Go easy on those noodles, Kirby. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tuff''': Gettin' into a fight about cookin' is crazy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': If that guy studied with Kawasaki, then he's gotta be a graduate of the institute of indigestion! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': Wonder if he cooks like Kawasaki? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': He took cookin' lessons with Kawasaki. <hr width="50%"/> :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': We're doing our best, but Nightmare Enterprises deals in monsters, not in groceries. It may take a little time, Triple-D. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': Biggest trouble with cookin' up monsters is you end up with a dish that wants to eat you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': Don't miss the great kitchen combat as Gourmet Nagoya challenges Kawasaki: the guy who put the "gas" in "gastronomy"! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chef Nagoya''': Your crazy cuisine has won that little Star Warrior's heart and stomach. Kirby would never be happy eating my food. It's way too bland for his taste! ===''Waste Management'' [4.11] === :'''Escargoon''': Go hug a tree-frog, sister! That's not the way we're getting rid of this rubbish. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Waddle Doo''': By orders of King Dedede this garden is being converted into a garbage dump! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Crowemon''': We've made it! Our troubles are over. The ruler of this land has promised to feed our flock if we stay here! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': Thanks for flyin' in, boys. Pick what'cha want and chow down! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': I knew these crows were gonna be a problem. I just knew it! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Crowemon''': You lied to me! You said you'd give us all we can eat. But the trash is gone and we're still hungry! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Crowemon''': I suppose we'll have to keep searching for a place where there's food. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Crowemon''': We have been betrayed! When our forest was destroyed, I led you here and the King promised to feed us, but he and his subjects drove us away, so now we must make him pay! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tokkori''': Well, ya got me stumped. I couldn't tell ya what this mystery meat is if ya paid me! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tuff''': What's goin' on here, Tiff? How come Tokkori and Coo are chasin' us, too?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tuff''': Yeah, he's tellin' the rest of the crows what to do! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Meta Knight''': Now it is controlling all of the other birds. They must be stopped! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Crowemon''': ''[to Dyna Blade]'' Stay back or I'll put the squeeze on your darling baby! All the birds in this world fear and respect you, except for us. Every hundred years, you show up and expect us to cower before you, but you and that ravenous chick of yours gobble up too much of our food supply. We crows are taking control, now. So, if you want to see your chick again, stay out of our way! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Crowmon threatens Dyna Blade and holds her chick hostage]'' :'''Tiff''': Holding Dyna Chick hostage is a dirty trick! :'''Tuff''': Yeah, can't even defend itself! :''[Dedede and Escargoon crying, offscreen]'' :'''Tiff and Tuff''': Dedede? :'''Escargoon''': This is just terrible! :'''King Dedede''': If Dyna Blade don't stop them crows, they gonna come after us next! :'''Tiff''': ''[as Dedede and Escargoon crying continues]'' You two started all this, when you all provided prove to your nature trash! :'''Escargoon''': Listen, missy! Talking trash isn't gonna save Dreamland from those flying freaks! :'''King Dedede''': Yeah, we want to stop them crummy crows too! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Dyna Blade is knocked back when Crowmon zaps her with laser eyes]'' :'''Tuff''': Knock it off! :'''King Dedede''': Ain't that nobody how to stop that thing?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Crowemon''': You will never get away! ===''Shell-Shocked'' [4.12] === :'''Tiff''': Shell collecting is fun, but it can also be quite educational. Some creatures like clams have two shells that are connected. Other creatures just have a single shell. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': ''[sneezes]'' Somethin' around here's got my allergies acting up. :'''King Dedede''': ''[laughs]'' Just don't sneeze on the grill! I'm cookin' top shell! ''[he take a mouthful of topshell and he chewing]'' Maaaan! Is that ever hot! But tasty. Here, you wanna try one? :'''Escargoon''': Not if they taste like they smell. :'''King Dedede''': Not even one? :'''Escargoon''': I don't like shellfish. :'''King Dedede''': Bet you never tasted ones like these here. Come on! :'''Escargoon''': Eugh... No! ''[exclaims]'' :'''King Dedede''': Guess that just means more top shells for me! ''[some empty topshells fell on a ground after he ate them all]'' Boy, oh, boy, that does a belly good! :''[Waddle Dees clean some other topshells and except one who fell, and then Dedede imagine of this topshell]'' :'''King Dedede''': An empty shell. Get outta that shell right now! :''[Escargoon screaming]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': Come back here, Escargoon! I wanna see what you been hiding underneath that shell of yours! :'''Escargoon''': You're crazy! It's not open to the public! :'''King Dedede''': Slow down, so I can get a crack at it! ''[He tried to a mallet to Escargoon's shell, but it missed, Escargoon laughs]'' Grrr!! Come here! :'''Escargoon''': ''[jumps]'' Oh! How dare you try to hit me! ''[jumps again]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': ''[laughs]'' Methinks the king is out of shape. Well, ''adieu''. ''[chuckles, leaves with suavity]'' :''[Dedede however, was never tired, and tricked Escargoon. He then hammers his shell from behind, Escargoon screaming in shocked]'' :'''Escargoon''': Sneak attack! :'''King Dedede''': I'm crackin' your shell open and havin' a look! :''[Escargoon screams, his shell is about to slightly cracks]'' :'''King Dedede''': Ah-ha! :'''Escargoon''': Huh? :'''King Dedede''': ''[he points on Escargoon's shell]'' Hey, it's startin' to open up! :'''Escargoon''': ''[screaming]'' It is? Everything looks okay to me? :'''King Dedede''': I always knew you was a little bit cracked. Now you're more cracked than before! ''[laughs]'' :'''Escargoon''': You may find this amusing but I don't! ''[groans]'' I just hope I don't catch pneumonia. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': Get me a doctor this is an emergency, I'M CRACKING UP HERE! <hr width="50%"/> :''[At Doctor Yabui's clinic, Escargoon gets his fractured shell looked at by Doctor Yabui]'' :'''Dr. Yabui''': Oh...yes I see...my goodness. :'''Escargoon''': Your goodness what, doc? :'''Dr. Yabui''': Bad news. there's a fracture in your shell. :'''Escargoon''': ''[gasps]'' Well don't just sit there, fix it! :'''Dr. Yabui''': I'm afraid there's nothing I can do. :''[Escargoon whimpers in terror]'' :'''Dr. Yabui''': It can't be repaired. :'''Escargoon''': You're joking! :'''Dr. Yabui''': It might even get bigger. :'''Escargoon''': THIS CAN'T BE!!!'' [His shell cracks once more, Tiff and Tuff gasped. Whimpering in terror, he sees behind his shell cracking again, and cries]'' <big><big>'''PLEASE HELP ME!!!'''</big></big> :'''Tiff''': That's tough. :'''Tuff''': Don't get excited, Escargoon. It's only a shell. :'''Escargoon''': Don't tell me not to get excited, kid. My whole world's falling apart! :''[Escargoon is suddenly interrupted by Dedede shows up in the Royal Racecar to exacerbate things further]'' :'''King Dedede''': Hey, Yabui. No use hiding Escargoon! ''[He barges into Yabui's clinic]'' Come on out! I know you here some-place. And I'm gonna find ya. ''[He tries to open the door]'' It's me, Escargoonie-goo. Open up this here door. I'm your best pal, ain't I? I won't hurt you. :'''Escargoon''': Go away. I can't see you now. I'm studying for a blood test. :'''King Dedede''': I'm real worried about you, so please open up, little buddy? ''[He pulls out his mallet]'' In fact...I'll open it for you! Stand back, buddy! ''[He hits a door with a his mallet]'' :'''Escargoon''': He wants to smash my shell to pieces! ''[He barricades the door]'' :'''King Dedede''': Now ain't you gonna let me in there or ain'cha? :'''Escargoon''': ''[grunts]'' Uh-uh! ''[His shell cracks again, then he screaming in terror]'' :'''Tiff''': Stop that! Haven't you done enough?! Don't you know Escargoon needs his shell to protect his body?! :'''King Dedede''': Protect his body? :'''Dr. Yabui''': That's right. Without his shell, Escargoon would be completely exposed. :''[Tuff laughing]'' :'''King Dedede''': Hey! Wonder what that looks like...''[He imagines what Escargoon would look like without his "clothes" on, which is reference by [[w:The Birth of Venus|The Birth of Venus]]; thinking]'' ''Am I being disrespectful? Should I leave Escargoon alone?'' Probably but I ain't a' going to. Now show me what you hiding under that there shell! :'''Escargoon''': I'm never showing nothing to nobody! :'''Tiff, Tuff, and Dr. Yabui''': Nobody? :'''Escargoon''': Why do I suddenly feel like a scientist experiment!? ''[When Dedede busts the door with his mallet]'' I'm not letting you open this door! :'''King Dedede''': ''[He continues busting the door with his mallet for several times]'' Let me in! :'''Escargoon''': <big><big><big>'''''GO AWAY!!!'''''</big></big></big> Help me. :'''King Dedede''': Here I come! ''[He smash the door down. He does so and breaks the shell completely]'' :'''Escargoon''': That did it! :''[All exclaim, and Kirby closes Escargoon's shell]'' :'''King Dedede''': Hey! You get off of that! You can't park it there! :'''Tiff''': Stay right where you are! Now you've done it! You've split Escargoon's shell apart! :'''Escargoon''': I never felt so violated! I lost my dignity! :'''King Dedede''': Now you just relax whilst I have myself a little look-see here. :'''Escargoon''': Don't let him touch me! :'''King Dedede''': You know you're gonna have to show me sooner or later. :'''Escargoon''': How about later? Much later. :''[Dedede chases Escargoon around, both yelling]'' :'''King Dedede''': As your king, is it my royal right to see what you got under that shell and I ain't quit 'til I get a peek! ''[As he steps on Escargoon's tail, Escargoon screams as Kirby falls off. Escargoon grab and pull the tail offs and his so the shell falls off, but it closed again]'' Oh no! :'''Escargoon''': Thank goodness. :'''Kirby''': Po-yay? :'''Tiff''': Leave Escargoon alone! Don't you think you've caused enough trouble for him already?! :'''King Dedede''': Not really. I think I could cause a lot more trouble. :'''Tiff''': You broke his shell in the first place, so you better find him a new one! :'''Escargoon''': And fast! :'''King Dedede''': Find him a new shell, huh? That's a great idea! <hr width="50%"/> :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Sure thing, King! In fact, we have a monstrous new line of mollusc-wear that is guaranteed to bring out the beast if you know what I mean. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Kirby, Tiff, and Tuff patch Escargoon's shell up with tape]'' :'''Tiff''': Okay. :'''Escargoon''': Phew, I feel so much better. But why'd you have to repair it tape? The least you could a done is use the invisible kind! :'''Tiff''': This is just temporary. We'll come up with something nicer. :'''Escargoon''': ''[to Tiff]'' Anything be nicer than this cheap fix! ''[to Dr. Yabui]'' Can't you patch up this shell with some kind of plastic surgery!? :'''Dr. Yabui''': Hmph. I suggest you find yourself a veterinarian for that. :''[Escargoon growls in irritated]'' :'''Tuff''': Hey. Why don't we fix it with some glue? :'''Tiff''': Yeah. The really strong kind. :'''Dr. Yabui''': It might work, but to apply glue you'd have to remove the shell temporarily. :''[Escargoon screams in shock]'' :'''Tiff''': That won't be so bad. Come on, let's go look around for something Escargoon can wear in the meantime. :'''Kirby''': Poyo! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sir Ebrum''': All clear outside, too, my dear! :'''Lady Like''': I think the way the King is behaving is perfectly un-decent. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': With my new remote-controlled spy fly, I'll get me a real bug's eye view! ''[He uses the Grasshopper Eavesdropper to take a peek at the Escargoon in a changing-tent]'' :'''Escargoon''': How humiliating...''[He picks up the tin pan]'' This one looks too small, but I'll try it on anyway, :'''King Dedede''': This is it! Yeah! Let see!! :'''Escargoon''': ''[Moans, but he notices Grasshopper Eavesdropper spying on him and he screams in shock, smashing it with the tin-pan]'' SPY ON ME, WILL YA!? :'''King Dedede''': It's busted! Now my undercover bug can't spy on that slug! :'''Tiff''': Escargoon, are you okay? :''[Tiff and Tuff accidentally lift the changing tent curtain too early, Escargoon screams while he's naked]'' :'''Tuff''': Hehe.. :'''Tiff''': Uhh...Sorry about that. :'''Escargoon''': ''[In the changing tent]'' A tin pan on my can...How am I supposed to look good in this junkaroo!? ''[Wears a bucket]'' Ta-da! Bucket-butt! ''[Wears a sheep wool]'' Look at me! I'm a sheep! I'm a mess! ''[Wears a vase, laughing]'' How about this one? Disaster! ''[As he throws a vase out of changing tent]'' :'''Sir Ebrum''': Steady, Tiff. :'''Lady Like''': Did it work? :'''Tiff''': I hope so. Wow, this shell sure is interesting. :'''Tuff''': It is? :'''Tiff''': Sure. Just look at how intricate it is inside. :'''Tuff''': Wow, how come something as nasty as a snail gets such a nice shell, Tiff? :'''Tiff''': Because snails don't have any bones in their bodies. :'''Sir Ebrum''': I wonder what he does look like without that shell. :'''Tuff''': Escar-goofy! :''[All laughing, except Tiff]'' :'''Escargoon''': ''[upset]'' Quit making jokes and go find me something decent to wear, I can't bear it anymore! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': It's amazing! Kirby, this is so nice it almost makes me regret all the times I tried to destroyed you! :'''Kirby''': Poyo! :'''Escargoon''': OK, kids, get ready. Presenting..me! ''[Everybody applauds and Kirby cheers. Escargoon posing with his new shell for a bit]'' Hi! :'''Lady Like''': Very becoming! :'''Escargoon''': It shows the spikier of me. :'''Tiff''': And it looks like a perfect fit, too. :'''Escargoon''': ''Merci.'' Fashion's show's over, missy! Get cracking that shell! And step on it! :'''Tuff''': Man, he's still rotten. :'''Tiff''': I guess you can't judge a slug by his cover. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': So? Making like top-shell, huh? You lucky I didn't fricasse you! :'''Escargoon''': Yeah, well you came close enough! :'''Tiff''': Escargoon's just wearing this, while we're trying to fix up this regular shell. :'''King Dedede''': Oh. Now I get it. :'''Kirby''': Poyo. :'''King Dedede''': You hog! You ate my tender delicious topshell before I got to it! :'''Escargoon''': That shell was empty when I put it on, you blowhard! :'''King Dedede''': Hey, that reminds me!...I still ain't seen what you been hiding under that shell! :''[Escargoon exclaims]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': ''[laughs in evilly]'' It's too late now. :'''King Dedede''': New shell or no new shell, I still wanna see what you hiding underneath here! :'''Escargoon''': It's no use, but give it a shot, Sire. :'''King Dedede''': ALRIGHT!!! ''[He attempts to break it open, but to no avail]'' It's too hard. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': All that pounding is giving me a pounding headache! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Maimaigoon''': This shell makes me invincible...and powerful! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Maimaigoon''': ''[to Kirby as he fires his lighting beams]'' You're finished, Kirby! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': For a snail, he's pretty quick. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': ''[He fits back into his repaired old shell]'' Ta-dah! :'''Tuff''': Escargoon's shell looks as good as new. :'''Tiff''': And all's well that ends well. :'''King Dedede''': Hold on! I think there's another crack in that there! :'''Escargoon''': The only thing cracked in this room is you, you wacko! :'''King Dedede''': Just one little-itty-bitty peek? :'''Escargoon''': You keep your paws off of me! HELP! :'''King Dedede''': Escargoon, please!? :'''Escargoon''': Buzz off, you creep! :'''Tiff''': Well, at least that monster's gone. :'''Tuff''': Yeah, but it would have tasted good with some garlic and melted butter. ===''Tooned Out'' [4.13] === :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': You don't know what you're asking for, D. Putting together a professional animation team takes a lot of effort and money. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': This is our hero, King Dedede and his evil arch-nemesis, Kirby. :'''King Dedede''': Kirby's a klutz, but he's a tough fighter! :'''Escargoon''': However, the king always defeats Kirby by the end of the episode. :'''King Dedede''': Makes you wish real life was more like TV. ''[he and Escargoon break out in laughter]'' :'''Escargoon''': So, what do you fellas think about of our show? :'''King Dedede''': Ain't you got questions before you start to draw? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sleepy''': Dudes, that girl character is totally awesome. :'''Biggy''': She's so awesome, she deserves her own animated series. :'''Bony''': Why don't we make HER the hero? :'''Escargoon''': Tiff can't be the hero! She's a bad guy! :'''King Dedede''': There's only room for one hero on my show and that's me! :'''Bony''': This is like a no-brainer. :'''Sleepy''': Totally no-brainer. :'''Biggy''': Tiff has to be the star. :'''Bony''': Totally. :'''Sleepy''': Totally. :'''Biggy''': We'll have her fight monsters! :'''Bony''': We'll give her some super powers! :'''Sleepy''': We'll maybe a secret identity! :''[boys talking all at once]'' :'''Escargoon''': Believe me, guys, she's no hero. :'''King Dedede''': If ya saw up close, you'd agree. :'''Sleepy''': Cool, then we'll check her out. :'''Bony''': We'll see you later. :'''Escargoon''': You're leaving? :'''King Dedede''': You just got here. :'''Boys''': ''[as they heading outside]'' Roses are red. Violets are blue. Here we come, Tiff. We're gonna draw you! :'''King Dedede''': They don't seem like professional animators. :'''Escargoon''': I bet they don't have enough brains among the three of 'em to fill a pencil case. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tuff''': Kirby'd go picnicking in a snowstorm as long as there's food. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Biggy''': Trouble, dudes, she found it. Bummer. :'''Bony''': We better split before she sees. :'''Sleepy''': We need more recordings of her voice to use in the cartoon. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chief Bookem''': Saw that outside window? Are you sure was a bad dream? :'''Tiff''': It was no dream, and here's a proof! :'''Chief Bookem''': Hmm. This is a bug used to listening on conversation. :'''Mabel''': No. :'''Tiff''': When I found it I knew someone is spying on me. Whoever it is it's following on me everywhere. :'''Buttercup''': Bookem, you've got to do something to stop this spying spree! :'''Chief Bookem''': Buttercup, these spies could be real dangerous... :'''Buttercup''': Not as dangerous as me! :'''Chief Bookem''': Alright! :'''Kirby''': Poyo. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Tiff and her friends catch the three boys who were stalking her for material]'' :'''Tiff''': Well, well, well, the spies got out spies. :'''Buttercup''': Who are you? :'''Mabel''': Why are you following Tiff? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chief Bookem''': Dedede must have hired these three jokers to do it. :'''Sleepy''': We're not using that dude. :'''Bony''': We decided to change things around. :'''Biggy''': We're creating a female hero to star... :'''Boys''': "The Tiff Show"! :'''All''': "The Tiff Show"? :'''Kirby''': Poyo. :'''Biggy''': Tiff's got everything it takes to be an animated star. :'''Sleepy''': Expect hey. :'''Bony''': We can fix that easy. :'''Tuff''': Looks like you already have your own fanboys. ''[Tiff growls at him]'' :'''Tiff''': ''[Angrily glares at the three boys]'' You guys shouldn't have snuck around ''[as she rips a photo]'' taking my picture without permission! :'''Sleepy''': She looks good when she's mad. :'''Bony''': Those lines on her head look totally fierce. :'''Biggy''': She's sure is gonna be a lot of fun to draw. :'''Boys''': Cutie. :'''Tiff''': ''[gasps, gets angry]'' Don't call me that! ''[as she glaring to three boys]'' Why don't you guys show a little originality and invent your ''own'' cartoon character instead of picking on me?! <big><big>'''I DON'T WANT TO BE A CARTOON STAR!'''</big></big> :'''Boys''': If you say so, star! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': My new cartoon's premierin' in ''two days?!'' :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': You better get moving, Triple D! A hole opened up in our network's schedule for the day after tomorrow! :'''Escargoon''': We can't produce a cartoon in 48 hours! :'''King Dedede''': Don't worry, we'll wiggle out of this one somehow. :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': According to our contract, if you don't finish the cartoon on time you won't get your production money back! :'''King Dedede''': I done got swindled here! ''[Escargoon exclaims]'' We gotta find them three guys. :'''Escargoon''': Uh-huh. ''[He and Dedede run off]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': You guys have two days to finish a cartoon! :'''Sleepy''': But dude, that's not enough time. :'''Escargoon''': Really?! Then you loafers will just have to draw around the clock! :'''King Dedede''': Now quit stallin' and go get to work! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': Don't let 'em get a wink of sleep till they finish with my cartoon. :'''Waddle Doo''': Yes, sire! :'''Escargoon''': You guys better work fast. If that cartoon show isn't done in two days you'll be staying down here permanently! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': See? We're crackin' the whip on 'em! :'''King Dedede''': Them animators is under total control now. I ain't gonna let 'em out the dungeon 'till they got my cartoon finished! :'''Tuff''': But they look miserable in there. :'''Tiff''': These animators like they're dangerous animals. :'''King Dedede''': I think that there's an insult! :'''Escargoon''': Yeah, animals aren't that bad. :''[Dedede and Escargoon laughing]'' :'''Tiff''': They could be drawing whatever they want to. :'''Tuff''': Did you check on them to make sure they're drawing you? :'''King Dedede''': Let me see! :'''Biggy''': Later! :'''Escargoon''': ''[Bony exclaims]'' I want to look at what you're doing! :''[King Dedede and Escargoon discovers the sketches of Tiff that his three boys were working on]'' :'''Tiff''': See, I told you so. :'''Escargoon''': She's right, they haven't made any drawings of you! :'''King Dedede''': '''NO WAY!!!''' How can this show be about me if i ain't in it! :'''Escargoon''': They can't redo the cartoon in one day. :'''King Dedede''': Only way to make the broadcast is to force the Cappies to do it! :'''Tiff''': Don't bet on it, the Cappies would never work for you again. :'''Tuff''': They learned their lesson last time. :'''King Dedede''': ''[angrily growling in furious. He runs off]'' Let's go talk to the Salesman! :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Aww, having production problems? :'''Escargoon''': Those animators you sent won't obey our orders! :'''King Dedede''': They makin' the show all about Tiff! :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': If we don't get your cartoon tomorrow there's a penalty. :'''King Dedede''': Don't blame me, it's them animation freaks fault! :'''Escargoon''': The only way we can deliver on time is if you send us the fastest animator ever. :'''King Dedede''': Make it quick, there ain't time to lose! <hr width="50%"/> :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Alright, boys, I'm sending you the ace of all animators. Allow me to introduce the legendary [[w:Walt Disney|Dis Walney]]! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dis Walney''': Hmm, the scene needs more excitement. I need more energy, King! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dis Walney''': You can make a cartoon in just a few hours, and you don't need to pay any artists anymore! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Anige''': Now I'm going to delete your friend Kirby permanently! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tuff''': Hey, it's morning. :'''Tiff''': And there's still no cartoon. :''[Dedede and Escargoon whimpering]'' :'''King Dedede''': If we don't put a cartoon on I'll be flat broke! :'''Escargoon''': But, Sire, there's only five minutes left to go! :'''King Dedede''': Whoever said "the show must go on" didn't know us! :''[Dedede and Escargoon cry as they embrace each other and Tuff laughs]'' :'''Tiff''': Too bad those professional animators couldn't help you. :'''Both''': ''[stop crying]'' Huh? What'd you say? :'''King Dedede''': So let's go! :'''Escargoon''': There's still hope! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': Well, guys? :'''Sleepy''': It wasn't easy, dude, but we did it. :'''Biggy''': We had to draw it really fast. :'''Bony''': But it's way cool! :'''King Dedede''': Who cares? It's done! :'''Escargoon''': 10 seconds left! :''[Meanwhile, Dedede puts it on the reel]'' :'''Tiff''': They drew it in a day? :'''Tuff''': That's amazing! :'''Kirby''': Poyo. :''[Dedede sets it up for live broadcast]'' :'''Tiff''': I underestimated you three. ''[The three boys laugh]'' You obviously have more talent then I gave you credit for. :''[The cartoon begins with an overly-stylized image of Tiff. King Dedede and Escargoon's jaws drop, Tiff is shocked, and Tuff and Kirby cover their eyes]'' :'''Escargoon''': That doesn't look like you, sire! :'''King Dedede''': There's somethin' bout 'dat girly that looks sorta familiar! :'''Tiff (anime-stylized)''': I got an idea, I'll invent my own cartoon! :'''Tuff''': That's supposed to be you! :'''Tiff''': That's my voice but the rest is all wrong! :'''Kirby''': Poyo... :'''Tiff (anime-stylized)''': ''[giggles]'' This is an absolutely perfect day for snowing, don't you think so? ''[giggles]'' :'''Tiff''': That's so disgusting! :'''Kirby''': ''[closes eyes]'' Poy-oy... :''[an image of the animated Tiff holding a parfait is shown]'' :'''Tiff (anime-stylized)''': I think I'll have a picnic all by myself! :''[cut to Tiff growling angrily as she balls her fists]'' :'''Tiff (anime-stylized)''': I got a funny feeling that somebody out there is watching me. :''[cut back to Tiff, who at this point is a boiling mass of impotent rage]'' :'''Tiff (anime-stylized)''': I wanna be a cartoon star! ''[giggles]'' :'''Tiff''': ''[She looks at the three boys]'' Is that airhead really supposed to be me?! :'''Biggy''': ''[as the boys laugh]'' Yeah! Except she's not short like you! :'''Tiff''': Yeah, I'm ''short'' alright... ''[growls as she pulls out what appears to be King Dedede's mallet out of nowhere]'' <big><big><big><big>'''<span style="color:red">AND SO'S MY TEMPEEER!!!!!</span>'''</big></big></big></big> :''[Tiff attacks the three boys over their exploitative depiction of her in their cartoon, using King Dedede's hammer. The episode ends as Kirby joins in the chase, thinking it to be a game]'' :'''Kirby''': POYO! ===''Born to Be Mild - Part I'' [4.14] === :'''Rip''': The name's Rip. Sorry to wake ya, officer! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': Ow! Ow! Ow! You hit the volume-izer by mistake! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Dedede and Escargoon coughing]'' :'''King Dedede''': Hey, what's the idea sticking up the hand here!? :'''Escargoon''': Yeah, who do you think you are? King Dedede? :'''King Dedede''': You're in big trouble! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tuff''': Now what? :''[Tiff scowls]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': That biker gang could strike again at any time! We've got to have a plan to defend ourselves! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tuff''': We're not gonna let you mess up Cappy Town! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Turbo''': My name's Turbo. Allow me to introduce our fearless leader: Fang! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Fang''': First we gotta find a dude named Steppenwolf, but then we'll take care of Kirby for ya. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gus''': One of them bikers is an old friend of mine. You see, I used to belong to a motorcycle gang. <hr width="50%"/> :'''NME Sales Guy''': Now hold up, Highness. Have you considered beating them with a track attack... by having a race? Of course, you'll need a place to race! That's expensive, but Nightmare Enterprises could be the sponsor! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': We gonna have a big race at the brand spankin' new DDD Speedway! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Narrator''': It looks like Fang's racing circles around Kirby and the rest of the Cappy crew! Can the friends defeat the gang without Gus? Find out next time, on ''Kirby: Right Back at Ya!'' ===''Born to Be Mild - Part II'' [4.15] === :'''Fang''': Just wait, Kirby. I'll finish you off later! Right now, I wanna make sure I win this race. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Meta Knight''': Come. Let's search the dungeon. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': That punk jockey ain't got a chance of beatin' Fang now! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Melman''': You caused a lot of trouble when you were younger, but this is your chance to make up for it. Take that chance while you still can! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gus''': You know, Melman? Maybe you were right. I'll make it up for all the trouble I caused! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': That grease monkey must've got out! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': Listen! According to this chemical analysis, the fuel in Fang's motorcycle couldn't have come from this planet. :'''Meta Knight''': I fear we are dealing with a monster. <hr width="50%"/> :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': What a surprise. It looks like our bad boy biker has been de-fanged by a rough-riding old-timer with a need for speed! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Melman''': You can say all you want, Tiff. The important thing is that Fang is gone. Ooh, am I gonna be sore tonight... ===''Hunger Struck'' [4.16] === :'''Escargoon''': Huh, HUH?! Baby string beans, spring rolls with asparagus tips, black truffle risotto, and a deluxe sushi platter?! '''SIIIRE!!''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': Sire! Sire! You won't believe with those Waddle Dees! I just left him in the dining hall! :'''King Dedede''': Good, don't bring him in here cause it might kill my appetite. :'''Escargoon''': While you slurp that slop, the Waddles Dees are having the feast. It's a gourmet meal with four different courses fit for a king. :''[Dedede becomes extremely upset and he throw the cup of ramen noodles in Escargoon's face]'' :'''King Dedede''': If it's fit for a king, how come I ain't gettin' any?! Grrr! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': We're busy snickering, here! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Escargoon stops King Dedede from barging in to his Waddle Dees' mess hall]'' :'''Escargoon''': No, sire! I don't think you should go in the dining hall 'til you've calmed down! :'''King Dedede''': I am calm and hungry too! :'''Escargoon''': ''[grunts]'' Please, Majesty! This is not a good i..dea! You won't be able to control your temper or your appetite! ''[Pushing Dedede into backwards, grunting]'' We can't afford to upset the Waddle Dees, Majesty! They do all the work around here! Sire! Let it go! Back up! :'''King Dedede''': Hey! Hold on. It don't make sense to me! How can that Waddle Dees eat gourmet grub when they don't got no mouths? :'''Escargoon''': Huh. :''[cut to Escargoon and King Dedede find out how Waddle Dee eat]'' :'''King Dedede''': See? No mouth. Waddle Dees can't eat cause they ain't no place to shovel in food! :'''Escargoon''': But, Sire, every living creature needs nourishment. ''[he runs off and he runs back with a cookie]'' Let's see if he eats this cookie! :''[A Waddle Dee eats a cookie]'' :'''King Dedede''': No way! :'''Escargoon''': It absorbed the cookie! :'''King Dedede''': Hey, how'd it do that? It's munchin' alright... :'''Escargoon''': Wonder how it flosses... :'''King Dedede''': That's weird. :''[Waddle Dee gulps and he walks away]'' :'''Escargoon''': They and great didn't even say "Thank you". :''[rattling sound]'' :'''King Dedede''': Yeah...How much does it cost? :'''Escargoon''': Does what cost? :'''King Dedede''': To feed them there Waddle Dees. :'''Escargoon''': Huh!? <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': Them Waddle Dees gets one meal a day...just the same as I do! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chef Kawasaki''': Great! I'm sure I can cook up a winning bid. I already make food that costs next-to-nothing, and it tastes like it, too! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': You can't make a good meal for that money! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tuff''': Whoever wins will make food for the Waddle Dees. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Meta Knight''': You mean this uprising is over food? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Waddle Doo''': ''[to the Waddle Dees]'' The king's so stingy he put us on a starvation diet! Now our stomachs cry out for vengeance! :''[cut to King Dedede and Escargoon being chased by angry Waddle Dees]'' :'''King Dedede''': We in trouble! My own guards is out to get me! :'''Escargoon''': I've heard of hunger strikes before, but this is ridiculous! <hr width="50%"/> :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': ''[laughs]'' Isn't this ironic? You guys got cheesy with the Waddle Dees' food and now those little meatballs have you quivering like jelly. <hr width="50%"/> :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Allow me to introduce our culinary master Fryclops! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Fryclops''': So. All you Waddle Dees are hungry, eh? Here! Let's start with stir-fry dumplings! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Fryclops''': I accept your offer. I want you to attack Kirby! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Fryclops''': I have total control of the Waddle Dees, thanks to my delectable cooking! ===''D'Preciation Day'' [4.17] === :'''Everybody''': Happy Mayor Blustergas Appreciation Day! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': You two wouldn't understand appreciation days because you're too self-centered to appreciate anything! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tuff''': It's not hooey! It's a way to honor our friends! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': Does this mean I ain't getting a gift? :'''Escargoon''': I'd be shocked if they gave you a card. :'''King Dedede''': We'll see about that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': I think you'd be a much better candidate for something like "Take Your Tyrant to Lunch Day!" :'''King Dedede''': Must be somebody out there appreciates me! :'''Escargoon''': Oh, I wouldn't bet on that. ''[to Waddle Doo and Waddle Dees]'' Do you guys know anybody who appreciates His Majesty? :'''Waddle Doo''': Nope. Nobody. :'''Escargoon''': ''[offscreen]'' Don't you appreciate the king? :'''Waddle Doo''': I prefer not to say. :'''Escargoon''': ''[As Dedede growls]'' I have somebody who appreciates me. :'''King Dedede''': You liar, they're ain't nobody who appreciates you none neither! :'''Escargoon''': Is too! :'''King Dedede''': Who could ever appreciate a slug-less slime maker like you. ''[laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': It really hit the spot. :'''King Dedede''': I'm gonna hit your spot if you don't hush! :'''Escargoon''': ''[laughs]'' ♫ I detect a hint of jealousy. ♫ :''[King Dedede screams in angrily]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': I know Dedede can be mean and nasty and selfish, but deep down, he really just wants to be loved. If we gave him a present, maybe he'd feel loved, and change his ways. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': Wait a second, Dedede! Kirby didn't mean to make you mad, he was just trying to show you he cares by giving you something he likes. :'''Tuff''': That's more than anybody else did. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': Nobody 'round here appreciates me, so I'm gonna start up a brand new tradition in Dream Land! There gonna be no more appreciation days. From now on, we only celebrating Dis Days! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chef Kawasaki''': Please, take it down! I don't deserve this! :'''Waddle Doo''': Sorry, Kawasaki. King's orders! :''[Kawasaki whimpering]'' :'''Gengu''': Maybe we should give this diss thing a try. :'''Gus''': And it sure beats having to buy him a present. :'''Mayor Len''': You do have a point there, Gus. :'''Mabel''': Kawasaki deserves a little dissing. :'''Chief Bookem''': His food disses all our stomachs. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Cappies laughing after throwing those pies at Chef Kawasaki]'' :'''Tiff''': ''[offscreen]'' Drop those pies! :''[All the cappies exclaims in once]'' :'''Tiff''': I expect this from Dedede but not from you! :'''Samo''': Oh. :'''Mayor Len''': Hello, Tiff. :'''Professor Curio''': We're only doing what the king said we had. :'''Tiff''': Tomorrow's your Appreciation Day, Chief Bookem. But I guess it's your Dis Day now. :'''Chief Bookem''': Oh, that's alright. Don't bother. :'''Tiff''': I thought so. :'''Escargoon''': Looks like Tiff's trying to disrupt Dis Day. :'''King Dedede''': Just wait 'til she finds out who we dissin' next! :''[King Dedede and Escargoon laughing evilly]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': I guess I was wrong of think Dedede have a change of heart. :'''Tuff''': You were wrong to think he had heart. :'''Tiff''': Deep down I'm sure he wants to be good just like the rest of us do. :'''Tuff''': I think he's rotten no matter how deep down you go. :'''Tiff''': Even so I--''[She notices Kirby is missing]'' Kirby? :'''Tuff''': Huh? :'''Tiff''': Where'd he go? :''[Kirby is lured by a watermelon once again. King Dedede and Escargoon prepare the watermelon time bombs]'' :'''Escargoon''': Sire, be more careful of this plan old backfire! :'''King Dedede''': Look at these things got me all taking out. I sure wish Kirby would hurry up and get here. :'''Escargoon''': Just make sure those watermelons you squatting on don't get crushed, Your Majesty. And don't forget they've all been hollowed out and have time bombs inside them. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': ''[offscreen, angry]'' What's going on!? :'''Tuff''': This might be some kind of trap, Tiff. :'''Tiff''': ''[As she attempts to walk near the wagon]'' I think I better take a closer look. :'''King Dedede''': NO! NO! STAY AWAY! :'''Escargoon''': DON'T COME NEAR! :''[Kirby latches onto the watermelon cart, pushing King Dedede and Escargoon down with it]'' :'''Escargoon''': Sire, we have to get out of here. :'''King Dedede''': What's the problem? It's only a watermelon patch. :'''Escargoon''': You're forgetting about our explosive surprise. :'''King Dedede''': Oh yeah. Don't eat yet, Kirby! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': Those watermelons won't blow up till the timers go off. :'''King Dedede''': So we got time to get away. :'''Escargoon''': I got an idea. ''[He whispers something to Dedede]'' :'''King Dedede''': Then I'll prank and still work. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Dedede and Escargoon laughing]'' :'''King Dedede''': You fell for it! :'''Escargoon''': ''[laughs]'' We got you got good this time, sucker! :'''King Dedede''': Only a few seconds left! 10. 9. 8. :'''Escargoon''': 7. 6. 5. 4. 3. :'''Tiff''': Spit it out, Kirby! :'''King Dedede''': Here... :'''Escargoon''': We... :'''Both''': GO!!! :''[Kirby's face becomes red and glows, and he then starts to spit gray smoke from his mouth, at such a force and speed that he is sent flying up in the air while spitting out more smoke]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Len''': Oh dear. :'''Chief Bookem''': He's worse than heartburn. :''[Kirby crashes into Cappy Town; charred, but he still okay after the watermelon bombs explode inside]'' :'''Tuff''': Kirby. :'''Tiff''': Oh no. :'''Tuff''': He looks barbecued. :'''Mayor Len''': Imagine someone doing such an awful thing. :'''Tiff''': ''[angry]'' DEDEDE'S GONE TOO FAR THIS TIME!! :'''Mayor Len''': Oh. :'''Tuff''': Yeah, he can't get away with turning Kirby into a firework! :'''Tiff''': I'm having an idea on how to get them back! And I'll need you all to help me! :''[All the Cappies exclaim in once]'' :'''Tiff''': If he thinks these pranks is funny he's dead wrong! :''[Cut to King Dedede and Escargoon in a throne room]'' :'''King Dedede''': ''[laughing]'' So you think Kirby liked his present? :'''Escargoon''': He was blown away by it, Sire. :'''King Dedede''': ''[laughing]'' You know I almost feel sorry for that pink pea brain. Maybe I should get him a little thank you gift for being such a good sport. :'''Escargoon''': Huh? :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': In the market for a monster, Big D? :'''King Dedede''': No thanks, I played a dynamite trick on Kirby and now I want to buy him a nice present. :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': You're joking, right? :'''King Dedede''': Maybe a box of chocolate-covered watermelons, or a toy, or maybe a t-shirt that says "poyo" on it. :'''Escargoon''': And wrap it up really pretty too. :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': You sure you guys are feeling all right? :'''King Dedede''': Hush-up! Just send me a present for Kirby or I'll never order a monster from you again! :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': I'll do the best I can, Your Majesty... :'''King Dedede''': ''[laughs, offscreen]'' That's more like it! :'''Waddle Doo''': ''[runs into the throne room]'' A message for you, Sire! :'''King Dedede''': Who's it from? :'''Escargoon''': It's from Tiff. She's inviting us to Kirby's memorial service. :'''King Dedede''': His what? :'''Escargoon''': I regret to inform you that Kirby is gone. We're gathering to bid farewell to him this afternoon. Please, join us to pay our last respects. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': Is Kirby really!? :'''Tiff''': Poor old Kirby. :'''Mayor Len''': All those explosions were simply too much for him to take! :''[Dedede and Escargoon whimpering]'' :'''King Dedede''': So, Kirby's in there? :'''Gus''': Hard for him. What was left. :'''King Dedede''': ''[gasps, then cries]'' '''KIRBY!!''' ''[whimpering as he starts having flashbacks of Kirby in his mind. Back in reality, he tears up]'' ...I'm sorry!.. :''[Dedede and Escargoon start crying in front of Kirby's grave, while Tiff, Tuff, and the Cappies, still crestfallen, are standing in front of it]'' :'''King Dedede''': It's all our fault! :'''Escargoon''': Forgive us, Kirby! That prank was His Majesty's idea, but I was the one who came up with the time bomb part! For once I wish I weren't so brilliant! :'''King Dedede''': ''[As he hits Escargoon on the head]'' Now I wish you was dumb as me! ''[crying continues]'' :'''Escargoon''': If only that were possible. :'''King Dedede''': I never would have played that prank if I have known this was gonna happen...I wish I could go and take it all back! :'''Tiff''': Unfortunately, it's too late. :'''King Dedede''': But there's got to be something I can do. :'''Tiff''': You can't do start by promising not to play any more practical jokes on your subjects! :'''King Dedede''': I PROMISE!! ''[crying]'' Here, Kirby. This one ain't got no time bomb. :'''Tiff''': I'm sure he'd like that a lot. :'''King Dedede''': I MISS YOU KIRBY OL' BUDDY! ''[cries]'' :'''Tiff''': I think Dedede is really sorry. :'''Mayor Len''': I agree. :'''Tuff''': Looks like he learned his lesson. :''[Kirby then jumps out of his fake grave, and eats the watermelon. Dedede and Escargoon scream]'' :'''King Dedede''': He even got a hungry ghost! :'''Tiff''': Oh, Kirby. :''[Tuff groans]'' :'''Escargoon''': Kirby's not a ghost. The runt's still alive! A-ha! You were all playing a trick on His Majesty, weren't ya? :'''King Dedede''': ''[whimpers, then loudly cries tears of joy]'' ''' I'M GLAD HE'S OKAY!!!''' :'''Escargoon''': You are? :'''King Dedede''': It was dull bein' ruler of Dream Land before you came along. I need me an enemy! :'''Tuff''': The king really has changed. :'''Tiff''': In his own twisted way he cares about Kirby. :'''King Dedede''': Kirby... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': Don't you think you should check and see what it is first? :'''King Dedede''': Quiet! ''[as he proceeds to hit Escargoon with his hand]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': That's no toy! :'''Tuff''': No way! :'''King Dedede''': I'm glad to see my present such a big hit! :'''Waddle Doo''': The card says: This is Chuckie. Made especially for Kirby by Nightmare Enterprises. :'''Tiff''': It's a monster?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[the townsfolk celebrate Kirby's victory]'' :'''Escargoon''': Every day's Kirby appreciation day. :'''Waddle Doo''': You've got a card, Sire. :'''King Dedede''': Huh? Somebody appreciates me too. :'''Escargoon''': Here. Let's see. It's a bill from Nightmare Enterprises. They want 9 million D-Bills for that monster. :'''King Dedede''': ''[whimpers, then cries loudly]'' THEY ONLY APPRECIATE MY MONEY!! :''[Kirby is hoisted into the air at the end of this episode]'' ===''The Thing About the Ring'' [4.18] === :'''King Dedede''': Stick a sock in it, slug-mug! We gotta find out why today's so special! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lady Like''': Daddy's a little nervous. He's always that way on our anniversary. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': ''[to Sir Ebrum]'' How come you always act so weird on your anniversary? I don't get it. It's the same thing every time. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sir Ebrum''': Though we've been married for years, I've never given your mother a ring. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': Well, what do you think? Ain't that the most jaw-droppin' eye-poppin' rock you ever seen? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': There you are, my twinkling little treasures. I bet none of you's made of glass. Little does King Greedede know I've been collecting you glittery goo-gahs for years! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': Quiet! It is my royal duty to hog every treasure in this here kingdom! <hr width="50%"/> :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Just what the doctor ordered, eh, D-Man? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tokkori''': Is this what you were lookin' for? Looks like I got it first! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chef Kawasaki''': Hey! You got any fresh fish today, I got a dinner planned! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chef Kawasaki''': I hope you brought your appetite, Kirby, 'cause tonight you can eat as much as you want! :'''Tuff''': You're gonna regret saying that. ===''A Dental Dilemma'' [4.19] === :'''Buttercup''': It's for your own good, Bookem. Open wide, dear. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': Oh, please. I've had toothaches funnier than King Dedede. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': That's easy for him to say. PLEASE DON'T PULL MY TEETH OUT, DOCTOR!! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': That maniac drilled so deep, I thought he was gonna strike oil. :'''King Dedede''': Serves ya right. I knew that sweet tooth of yers would turn sour someday. :'''Escargoon''': You could get cavities too, you know. :'''King Dedede''': ''[laughs]'' My choppers is way too powerful to get conquered by cavities. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': I don't see how you can eat all that sugar and never get a single cavity. :'''King Dedede''': ''[laughs]'' And I don't even brush! :'''Escargoon''': You're pushing your luck, Sire! :'''King Dedede''': You’re just jealous 'cause you’re the cavity kid. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lady Like''': Tuff. I want you to brush your teeth before you go to bed tonight. You too, Kirby! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': Highness, you're headed straight for a dental disaster! You hear?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sir Ebrum''': I'm afraid we warned you. :'''Lady Like''': If your tooth is zat hurting... :'''Tiff''': Then you'll have to go see the dentist. :''[cut to King Dedede's bedroom]'' :'''Dedede''': '''''SAY WHAT?!?!?! To th' dentist?!''''' :'''Escargoon''': But, Sire, you have to get that tooth filled. :'''Dedede''': Ain't no way you gonna drag me there! :''[cut back to Sir Ebrum's family apartment, where Tuff is hanging on to the edge of the couch while Tiff is pulling him]'' :'''Tuff''': I told you! I don't wanna go see the dentist! WAAAAAAAAH! :''[cut back to Dedede's bedroom where Escargoon is trying to pull him away from the bed]'' :'''Dedede''': I'd rather dive head-first into the Booma-Dooma Volcano! :''[cut back to Sir Ebrum's family apartment again]'' :'''Tuff''': I won't go! Rrrgh! :''[cut back to Dedede's room again]'' :'''Dedede''': No way! :''[cut back to Sir Ebrum's family apartment again]'' :'''Tuff''': No WAY! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': Doctor Yabui won't hurt you, Sire. :'''Dedede''': He had you shrieking like a smoke detector! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hardy''': BEGIN TOOTH EXAM. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hardy''': HUH? NO TEETH FOUND! CANNOT TREAT! NO TEETH FOUND! CANNOT TREAT! CANNOT TREAT! ===''Cowardly Creature'' [4.20] === :'''Escargoon''': My life is a nightmare... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tokkori''': That thing's already torn up half the town! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tuff''': Whoa! That monster must be huge! <hr width="50%"/> :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': I can assure you we're not responsible, Triple-D. The escapee was part of our "Young Monsters of the Future" program. The training facility is secure, but it looks like somebody found a way to break into our computer system and sent one of our horrible hopefuls free. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': I'm me, alrighty. I think it's about time to extra-cise my kingly duties and protect my subjects! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': In fact, I can assure you that the King is totally irresponsible! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': That poor thing's afraid! We have to do something! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chef Kawasaki''': Well at least when I don't have any customers I don't have any complaints. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': A Star Warrior ain't supposed to be protectin' no monster! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': Sire, what if he turns into Hammer Kirby?! :'''King Dedede''': Now don't do nothin' rash! We yer friends, Kirby! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tuff''': If all monsters were easy-going like Phan Phan, this galaxy'd be a lot better off. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': I wish I knew why Phan Phan's so frightened all the time. I've never seen a monster act like this before. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': He's a juggler who goes right for the jugular! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': Now that's my kind of clownin' around! Wonder if that guy does birthday parties? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Whippy''': Hitti hitti! ===''Frog Wild'' [4.21] === :'''Hana''': I don't know what's gotten into Kirby, but something has. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Professor Curio''': ''[cries]'' Oh no... how could you? My relics are just a pile of rubble now. Why did he come in here and smash them all? Why, Kirby? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tuggle''': ''[crying]'' I'm always nice to Kirby! Why would he wanna do 'dis? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mabel''': What is wrong, Kirby? You do not seem to be your perky-pink self today. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': ''[horrified]'' HE DID THAT!? :'''Mabel''': Thanks to Kirby, I can't make predictions anymore! :'''Samo''': He smashed up my place, too! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tuff''': This doesn't look too good for Kirby. :'''Tiff''': There has to be a misunderstanding. Kirby's a Star Warrior, not a juvenile delinquent! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Len Blustergas''': Kirby totaled my car...''[cries]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': He done what?! :'''Escargoon''': Kirby's smashing up Cappy Town like a pink wrecking ball! :'''King Dedede''': ''[laughs]'' He sees it's more fun to be a heel than a hero! But there's only room for one mischief-maker in this kingdom, and that's me! :'''Escargoon''': Well now the Cappies are more scared of Kirby than they are you, Sire. :'''King Dedede''': Say what? :'''Escargoon''': Maybe they're just afraid of Kirby because he's a dynamic-demonic ball of fire, and you're just a big bellied out of shape ball of blubber! ''[gets hit it with Dedede's mallet]'' :'''King Dedede''': Now you're out of shape. I'm checking this out! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chef Kawasaki''': Oh, hello, Kirby. Come on in. I got some leftover turkey jerky hash if you want... Where you goin'? You don't have to have the hash. I can cook anything you want me to. Ah! You just name it! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': This can't be true. :''[Which leads King Dedede and Escargoon to drive into Cappy Town with their Royal Racecar]'' :'''King Dedede''': I heard a rumor that Kirby's raisin' a ruckus 'round here. :'''Chief Bookem''': He's public enemy number one. :'''Mayor Len Blustergas''': He's destroying Cappy Town! :'''Gus''': He's like a monster. :'''King Dedede''': Is that so? :'''Escargoon''': I told you Kirby's scarier than you are. :''[Kirby throws a pan out the window, breaking it]'' :'''Tiff''': It is Kirby! :'''King Dedede''': He does look kinda scary. :'''Escargoon''': ''[laughs]'' Who knew a half-pint could be so horrifying? :'''King Dedede''': I ain't gonna let that pipsqueak out-mean me! ''[He jumps out of Royal Racecar]'' :'''Escargoon''': Wait, what are you gonna do!? :'''King Dedede''': I'm gonna prove I'm more troublesome than Kirby is! ''[He enters in Kawasaki's restaurant]'' :'''Escargoon''': Sire, I was only kidding! :'''King Dedede''': Hey you there, gumball! :''[Kirby's evil state up-close for himself and Dedede gasped]'' :'''Escargoon''': You're much worse than Kirby. :''[Kirby's evil state up-close for himself, Escargoon screams and hides behind Dedede]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': Forget it! Kirby ain't no threat to you Cappies. Why he's as harmless as a horse-fly! :'''Tiff''': Yeah, anyone who knows Kirby knows that he wants to help us, not hurt us. :'''King Dedede''': It's true. Why that goody-goody ain't got a bad bone in his body. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chef Kawasaki''': ''[After Demon Kirby set the fire on Kawasaki's restaurant]'' Why, Kirby!? Why!? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chief Bookem''': He destroyed headquarters... :''[King Dedede's Royal Racecar crashed into Chief Bookem's police station, Doron escapes and exploding violently]'' :'''King Dedede''': <big><big>'''THERE GOES MY LIMO!!!'''</big></big> :'''Escargoon''': Thanks, Kirby. :'''King Dedede''': Now what am I gonna drive? :'''Chief Bookem''': They're wiped out. :''[All the cappies talking at once]'' :'''Tuff''': I can't believe this. :'''Tokkori''': I always knew Kirby was trouble, but this takes the cake. That boy's gone ballistic! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chief Bookem''': Attention all Cappies! Stay inside your homes! Keep your doors locked, and your windows shut! Kirby's on the loose! <hr width="50%"/> :''[At night, Dedede's castle]'' :'''King Dedede''': ''[offscreen]'' I ain't gonna let Kirby to show me up. :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': This is a surprise, D-Meister. Why the late night call? :'''King Dedede''': Tell me who's the baddest bad guy in Dreamland?! :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Is that a trick question? :'''King Dedede''': You're supposed to say it's me! :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': I'd agree with that. :'''King Dedede''': But them Cappies thinks it's Kirby! :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': No. How come? ''[As Dedede angrily growls]'' :'''King Dedede''': <big><big>'''HE SMASHED UP CAPPY TOWN!!'''</big></big> :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': But Kirby's a good guy. :'''Escargoon''': ''[As Dedede growls furiously]'' He's tearing through this kingdom on a debris spree! :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': ''[laughs]'' Sounds to me like Kirby found your Demon Frog. :'''King Dedede''': My Demon Frog? :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Don't you recall the monster you ordered a couple months back? ''[imitates frog noises]'' :'''King Dedede''': Yeah. Now I remember that frog. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': Majesty, that frog is a hoppin' horror show! <hr width="50%"/> :''[End of flashback]'' :'''Escargoon''': Ah, you mean that frog? :'''King Dedede''': Sunk right into Kirby? :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': If the Demon Frog really is inside Kirby, then there's no way he can be held responsible for attacking Cappy Town, because it was really the Demon Frog forcing him to do it. :''[cut to where Meta Knight, Tiff, and Tuff eavesdrop and learn the reason for Kirby's evil behavior]'' :'''King Dedede''': ''[offscreen]'' I get it. :'''Escargoon''': ''[offscreen]'' Kirby's being controlled by that evil amphibian. :'''Tiff''': ''[whispered]'' I should have guessed Nightmare Enterprises did this! :'''Meta Knight''': ''[whispered]'' We must find a way to make that Demon Frog leave Kirby. :'''Tuff''': ''[whispered]'' Let's go and find Kirby. :'''Tiff''': ''[whispered]'' Yeah! ''[She, Tuff, and Meta Knight runs off]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Waddle Doo''': Sire! :'''King Dedede''': What's wrong? :'''Waddle Doo''': Emergency! Kirby's attacking the castle! :'''King Dedede''': He is?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Waddle Doo''': Sound the call for reinforcements! :'''King Dedede''': I'll show that runt. :'''Escargoon''': If we try to take on Kirby without Heavy Anaconda's help we might accidentally unleash the Demon Frog and who knows what it'll do! :'''King Dedede''': ''[to Escargoon]'' I DIDN'T ASK YOUR OPINION! ''[as he used the tape to taping Escargoon's mouth]'' Keep your yappin' shut! Hey! ''[laughs]'' I'm gonna use this tape to stick it to Kirby! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Meta Knight''': Kirby responded to you, Tiff. He is trying to resist the Demon Frog! That monster doesn't have total control of his mind yet. Call to him again. :'''Tiff''': Kirby! I told you to knock it off! :'''King Dedede''': I give up, Kirby! ''[While Demon Kirby is still beating up/attacking him and the Waddle Dees]'' :'''Tiff''': '''FOR THE LAST TIME! STOP, KIRBY!!!!''' :''[The Demon Frog momentarily loses control of Kirby]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': ''[after letting the Demon Frog after he transforms himself into Demon Dedede, evilly deep voice]'' You puny peewees better be scared, 'cause I'm the baddest dude on the whole planet! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': YOU BETTER LEAVE KIRBY ALONE!! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': They finally sent you the monster. That must be the Heavy Anaconda, Sire! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': You should teach those two a lesson. :'''Tuff''': Yeah, they're always scheming against you! :'''Kirby''': Poyo. :'''Tiff''': It's time to give them both a taste of their own medicine! :'''Kirby''': Poyo. :'''King Dedede''': Step away, Escargoon! ''[He kicks Escargoon on a ground and he run away]'' :'''Escargoon''': Wait, Sire! I'm a coward too! ===''Cappy Town Down'' [4.22] === :''[Kirby and friends arrive to find Cappy Town a smoldering wreck and thousands of Cappies homeless]'' :'''Tiff''': Oh, Tuff... This is terrible. The whole place was destroyed when that spaceship attacked. There's no Cappy Town left. :'''Tuff''': I don't believe it. :'''Tokkori''': Folks are sayin' this is your fault. :''[Kirby lowers his head and lets out a sad Poyo. The Cappies turn to Kirby to try to take out their grief on him]'' :'''Mayor Len Blustergas''': When your ship crashed, we welcomed you to Cappy Town and now we're paying for it, Kirby. :'''Chef Kawasaki''': Yeah. We lost everything because of you! :'''Tuggle''': It was a mistake to let you live here. :'''Buttercup''': Maybe it's time for you to move on. :'''Gengu''': Yeah, this is all your fault, Kirby! :''[Kirby lets out another sad Poyo, only for his friends to step in and defend him]'' :'''Tiff''': This isn't Kirby's fault. It's Dedede's fault! :'''Tuff''': Yeah, what about all the times Kirby came to our rescue? :'''Chief Bookem''': He sure didn't save us this time. :'''Hana''': That's why we don't have a place to live anymore. :'''Mayor Len Blustergas''': Cappy Town is in ruins. :'''Melman''': There's not a mailbox left in the whole town. :'''Samo''': It's a fine mess Kirby's got us in. :'''Tiff''': Well, this isn't gonna solve anything. :'''Tuff''': Yeah! Now's the time to work together! :''[The Cappies are questioning in a confused state while Tiff growls. Then she proudly grunts]'' :'''Tiff''': Come on! We can't give up now! Remember, we've been through tough times before. We'll pull through this one too! :'''Kirby''': Poyo! :'''Chief Bookem''': We just don't know what we should do, Tiff. :'''Tiff''': Meta Knight will tell us. He wants to meet with all of us up in the castle. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': It's a phone. :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': That isn't just an ordinary phone, Your Majesty. ''[Dedede's phone starts ringing with a familiar-sounding ringtone, and Dedede opens his phone to find Kirby and another familiar-sounding ringtone, this one being a remix of the theme song]'' :'''King Dedede''': Hey, what's that pink stinker doin' in there?! :'''Escargoon''': And what's with that annoying music?! :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': ''[laughs]'' Nobody would ever suspect that you'd use a Kirby phone to call Nightmare Enterprises. :'''King Dedede''': Great idea! :'''Escargoon''': I wouldn't be surprised if we even get stuck with a phone bill. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': ''[about the Halberd]'' Hey, what is that damn thing? :'''Escargoon''': Sire, how am I supposed to know? But whatever it is, I think our friend at Nightmare Enterprises would be very interested in it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Meta Knight''': The coming battle may well determine the fate of the galaxy. :'''Tiff''': We can't give up without a fight. :'''King Dedede''': Meta Knight, you's a dirty double-crosser! You've got some nerve buildin' this here battleship in my basement! :'''Escargoon''': And what's with this "fate of the galaxy" mumbo jumbo? You got that helmet on too tight? :'''Meta Knight''': You still have a chance to join forces with us before it is too late. :'''King Dedede''': Lemme see inside of that ship first. :''[the door to the inside of the Halberd opens]'' :'''Meta Knight''': Follow me. I will take you to the bridge. :'''King Dedede''': Yeah, I'd like to push you off one. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Len Blustergas''': This is catastrophic. :'''Samo''': How can we survive, Meta Knight? :'''Prof. Curio''': Maybe we should just get rid of Kirby. :'''Meta Knight''': Listen to me. eNeMeE is not just after Kirby. He will not stop until he controls the entire universe! We must all try to stop him! :'''Tiff''': That's what this battleship's for, right? :'''Tuff''': We can battle eNeMeE from inside here. :'''Kirby''': Poyo. :'''Mabel''': This sounds crazy. :'''Meta Knight''': The odds are against us, but you must decide now! I need a crew. Will you stand up and fight with me? :''[the Cappies recoil in fear]'' :'''Samo''': You want us to fight?! :'''Chef Kawasaki''': I'm a chef, not a soldier! :'''Meta Knight''': I cannot fly this ship alone. Are there no brave volunteers? Chief Bookem! :'''Chief Bookem''': Ah, I'd like to help, but I'm a lawman, not an airman. :'''Mayor Len Blustergas''': I'm too old to volunteer. :'''Chef Kawasaki''': I think I left my oven on! :'''Mabel''': My crystal ball needs polishing! :'''Gus''': Gotta go pump some gas! :'''Prof. Curio''': Good luck, Meta Knight! :''[the Cappies run out of the Halberd in terror]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Hey there, D. What's shakin'? :'''King Dedede''': ME! You just blowed up my monster transmitter! :'''Escargoon''': And you nearly got us, too! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kit Cosmos''': Kirby doesn't stand a chance without help. :''[the Cappies turn around and notice Kit Cosmos]'' :'''Kit Cosmos''': Well what're you waitin' for? We can't let a Star Warrior battle alone! :'''Samo''': Who is he? :'''Mabel''': I don't know, but he could use a shave. :'''Kit Cosmos''': Sergeant Kit Cosmos! I served with Meta Knight and the Star Warrior force and I'm reportin' for duty. :'''Iro''': Tiff told us about you. :'''Honey''': He's a big hero. :'''Spikehead''': You live on that island. :'''Kit Cosmos''': Kirby and his squad found me there, and when they went home, I chose to stay. But now I've come to help Kirby take on eNeMeE. All right then, who's ready to fight alongside me? :'''Samo''': He certainly is a tough cookie. :'''Chef Kawasaki''': Yeah. Even tougher than my cookies. :'''Kit Cosmos''': Will you stand alongside me, or are you a cowering coward? :'''Mayor Len Blustergas''': We can't fight, Sergeant. :'''Prof. Curio''': We're not soldiers. :'''Kit Cosmos''': Not soldiers? Is that a reason for you to stand there and do nothin'?! Kirby's riskin' his life to save your planet, and it's your duty to help him! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tuff''': Look who's here. :'''Tiff''': Sergeant Cosmos! :'''Kit Cosmos''': I'd never miss a fight if I can help it. ''[Meta Knight steps out to greet him]'' Meta Knight, sir! :'''Meta Knight''': What brings you here? :'''Kit Cosmos''': I may be a soldier who's over the hill, but I'm proud to serve one last time, if you'll have me. :'''Meta Knight''': I will. :'''Kit Cosmos''': It'll be an honor, sir. :'''Chef Kawasaki''': I can mess up the mess hall, so count me in too! :'''Dr. Yabui''': You'll need a medic. :'''Gus''': And I've got the muscle to tune this baby up for ya! :'''Tiff''': Thanks, guys! But not all of us can go. :'''Tuff''': Yeah. Somebody's gotta stay behind to start rebuildin' Cappy Town. :'''Prof. Curio''': Hmmm. We never thought of that, did we? :'''Gengu''': Yeah, I guess you're... ''[the area around them shakes again]'' :'''Sword Knight''': All volunteers on board. :'''Blade Knight''': ''[mumbling]'' Help Kirby. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': Hey, sire. What were you supposed to do again? :'''King Dedede''': I was supposed to plant this here time bomb on the ship. :'''Escargoon''': We weren't supposed to be on the ship, were we? :'''King Dedede''': Aaah! Get me outta here! ===''Combat Kirby'' [4.23] === :'''Sword Knight''': Don't worry. She'll be fine. This ship's made to move at hyper speeds. :'''Tuff''': Yeah, but none of us are. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tokkori''': Some wormhole. I don't see no worms nowhere. <hr width="50%"/> :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Our sensors go to have picked up some sort of battleship coming out of a wormhole one light year away. It appears that Kirby and Meta Knight have decided to attack us with their puny little battle barge. :'''Nightmare''': They are growing desperate. They'll realize I have them beaten. I was hoping they'd be foolish enough to attack, so I've prepared a surprise for them. :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': The capsule's set, sir. I'll send it on its way. ''[sends out a capsule containing Heavy Lobster]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chef Kawasaki''': Cooking this space food is as easy as boiling water! :'''Samo''': This is the first time I ever enjoyed Kawasaki's cooking. :'''Chef Kawasaki''': Can I boil you some dessert? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Yabui''': Rather dull up here. When I don't have any patients to see, I get rather impatient. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tuff''': Isn't there any place we can go to get away from you two? :'''Tiff''': I should've guessed you'd try and stow away. :'''Escargoon''': We have a right to be here, sister! :'''King Dedede''': Yeah, this ship was built on my property. :'''Chef Kawasaki''': What are you doing here?! :'''King Dedede''': I'm comin' along to give you all a helping hand! I'm sick and tired of eNeMeE sendin' me all them defective monsters! :'''Escargoon''': What else can we say? We're disgruntled. :'''King Dedede''': I'm gonna show them crooked creepos that they've done ripped off this here king for the last time! :'''Tiff''': Well we don't believe a word you say! :'''Meta Knight''': Do your duty, Chief. :'''Chief Bookem''': I'm lockin' you up as non-combatant detainees. <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': You think he was trying to tell me something? :'''Escargoon''': He did sound awfully final. :''[King Dedede and Escargoon screaming in shocked. And they hugged in panicking]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': I think we got ourselves a monster! :'''King Dedede''': Hey, there must be some mistake. I didn't order no monster from ya! :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': We sent this monster to you for free, Your Majesty. :'''King Dedede''': Well I don't want no favors from ya, so just take it all back, ya hear?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede and Escargoon''': ''[in unison]'' RUN!! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': You ain't nothin' but a cheap chizzlin' cheater and now we gonna settle the score with ya. :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Can't we just talk this over? :'''King Dedede''': It's too late! We just found your space fortress and now we gonna make a sneak attack! :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Thanks for the tip off, Big D. ''[to the other members of N.M.E.]'' Prepare for attack. Launch all Destraya ships immediately! ''[signs out]'' :'''King Dedede''': Hey, that chump just hung up on me! :'''Tiff''': You're the one who's the chump! :'''Tuff''': Thanks to you, they know our whole plan now. :'''Escargoon''': ''[he and Dedede are shocked by what Tiff & Tuff just said]'' That sales guy just tricked you again, sire. :'''King Dedede''': ''[Laughs]'' Least I don't have to pay that phone bill. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gus''': They got thousands of those flyin' hub-cabs! :'''Chef Kawasaki''': Maybe we should go back while there's still time. :'''Chief Bookem''': I agree. There's no way we can win this. :'''Meta Knight''': We will not retreat. We must enter the fortress and fight to the finish! <hr width="50%"/> :''[three Destraya ships suddenly attack the other Destraya ships to everybody's amazement]'' :'''Chef Kawasaki''': What's going on? They're fighting each other. :'''Tuff''': And they're not attackin' us. :'''Tiff''': What's eNeMeE up to now? :'''Meta Knight''': We are not fighting this battle alone. :'''Knuckle Joe''': ''[turns on his screen to contact the Halberd crew]'' Hey, how's it goin', gang? :'''Tiff''': Knuckle Joe! :'''Knuckle Joe''': I took over a Destraya and was hoping you'd let me join your party. :'''Sirica''': ''[her screen comes on as well]'' Do you remember me? I came along to help, too. :'''Tiff''': Hey, that's Sirica! :'''Kirby''': Poyo! :'''Sirica''': Knuckle Joe and I have become friends now and we're teaming up to help you defeat eNeMeE. :'''Sir Arthur''': ''[his and his knights' screen comes on as well]'' And we will be joining the battle as well. :'''Meta Knight''': Arthur, and the rest of the Star Warriors! :'''Sir Arthur''': We were able to raid the fortress and commandeer some Destraya ships. We will clear the way for you to enter the fortress so you and Kirby can challenge eNeMeE. :'''Meta Knight''': It will be an honor. :'''Kirby''': Poyo. :'''Knuckle Joe''': But right now, just sit back and let us handle that fleet. :'''Sirica''': Now onto victory! :'''Sir Arthur''': Full speed ahead! :''[the three Destrayas that Knuckle Joe, Sirica, Sir Arthur and his knights stole destroy the other Destrayas]'' :'''Tiff''': They destroyed the enemy ships! :'''Meta Knight''': Yes! Now we can enter the fortress. Set sail for liftoff! ''[the Halberd blasts its way past more Destrayas and successfully enters the entrance to Nightmare's fortress]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chief Bookem''': It's awful quiet. :'''Chef Kawasaki''': I wonder why nobody's attacking us. :'''Tuff''': Maybe they've given up. :'''Sword Knight''': Detecting something big, closing fast. :'''Tiff''': Look there! :'''Kirby''': Pooo... :''[Nightmare, finally stepping out of the shadows after 98 episodes, makes himself known to the Halberd crew through a giant projection of himself]'' :'''Meta Knight''': eNeMeE... :'''Nightmare''': Heh. It was a mistake to come here, Kirby. As you can see, you and your puny band of Star Warriors pose no threat to me. Challenging me is the last mistake you will ever make! :'''Kirby''': Poyo! :''[Nightmare laughs evilly]'' :'''Meta Knight''': Follow him. ===''Fright to the Finish'' [4.24] === :'''Tiff''': Meta Knight, those blasts went right through him. :'''Meta Knight''': He has led us into a trap! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Escargoon''': I guess Kirby's gonna beat us once and for all, Sire. :''[Dedede's cell phone starts ringing]'' :'''King Dedede''': What's that sound? :'''Escargoon''': Your phone. ''[Dedede pulls out his phone and fumbles it between his hands]'' Ugh, that music's annoying, I wish you'd put it on vibrate. ''[Dedede catches his phone and opens it]'' :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': ''[laugher]'' Hey there! Are you ready to surrender yet, Your Majesty? :'''Escargoon''': You bet we are! :'''King Dedede''': I ain't never gonna wave no white flag! :'''Escargoon''': Forget about His Highness, can you at least save me!? :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': If you'd like to negotiate, you'll have to speak with my boss. ''[reveals Nightmare, who laughs evilly and hypnotizes both Dedede and Escargoon]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sword Knight''': ''[using King Dedede's cell phone that he dropped to track the signal]'' The signal's coming from up there. :'''Gus''': Must be the command center. :'''Dr. Yabui''': That's where they control the fortress. :'''Chef Kawasaki''': Hey, let's set up a blast up there and wreck the place. That'll stop eNeMeE! :'''Tuff''': Yeah, but who can do it? :'''Tokkori''': It's your idea, so you oughtta go. :''[Chef Kawasaki gasps]'' :'''Kit Cosmos''': ''[laughs heartily]'' Don't worry. I'm comin' along to provide backup support. :'''Chef Kawasaki''': I wish I never cooked up this idea. <hr width="50%"/> :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Thanks for the special delivery. :'''King Dedede''': I know that voice. You're the sales dude! :'''Escargoon''': We've never actually seen you in person before. :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': Well you're in for a little surprise. ''[turns his chair around, and, to the surprise of Tiff, Dedede, and Escargoon, reveals that he has stubby feet similar to other Kirby characters and is only about as tall as Escargoon]'' :'''King Dedede''': You look a lot taller on the TV screen. :'''Escargoon''': You're almost as shrimpy as Kirby. :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': ''[laughs]'' I may be shrimpy, but I'm a whale of a salesman. And now, we'll take the kid. ''[Nightmare grabs Tiff]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Nightmare''': It's too late, child. Kirby is about to face his worst nightmare... <hr width="50%"/> :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': ''[evilly laughs]'' Kirby's falling right into our trap, thanks to you. :'''King Dedede''': Hold it! We've got a problem here. :'''Escargoon''': We could use some refreshments. :'''King Dedede''': Yeah. How about showing us some grinditude with some grub? :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': I'm afraid I can't help you fellas. There's no kitchen in the command center. :'''Escargoon''': We'll call Kawasaki! :'''King Dedede''': Oooh! ''[laughs and grabs the microphone]'' Yo, Kawasaki! Whip me up a little somethin' and rush it to me right away! :'''Chef Kawasaki''': Here you go, sire! Liver and spinach surprise. :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': How'd he get in here!? :'''King Dedede''': Oh boy! Home cookin'! ''[sits down to eat Kawasaki's cooking and enjoys it]'' Mmm. This here dish is delish! Go on. Have a bite. :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': No thanks, I'm not... :'''King Dedede''': ''[shoves the liver into the N.M.E. Sales Guy's mouth]'' You're gonna love it! ''[laughs]'' :'''Escargoon''': ''[as the N.M.E. Sales Guy turns around, unable to handle the taste of Kawasaki's cooking]'' Bet ya never tasted anything like that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Nightmare''': This is checkmate, Kirby. The game is up! :'''Tiff''': You brought Kirby here because this is where you make nightmares! But he's not afraid of you and your tricks. :'''Nightmare''': We shall see about that! Before this match is over, you will both learn the force of my power. ''[evilly laughs]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Meta Knight''': We can use the monster delivery system here to deliver us home. :'''Tokkori''': You don't seriously expect us to use that contraption, do ya? :'''Kit Cosmos''': Hm. It's worth a try. :'''Meta Knight''': But it is close to the place where you planted that bomb. :''[the rest of the crew gasp]'' :'''Chef Kawasaki''': We have to go back? :'''Meta Knight''': Yes, and we do not have a moment to lose! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Nightmare''': He has used up all of his energy. Kirby is now completely helpless. I can crush him with little effort... But first, some fun! I shall enter Kirby's sleep and give him a nightmare, and you can join him. This dream will be a real scream! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Nightmare''': ''[screams in terror as Kirby surrounds him with a barrage of stars from the Star Rod]'' No! How did Kirby discover the secret? That pitiful little Star Warrior has found my only weakness. I am helpless against the power of the Star Rod! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': eNeMeE is really a living nightmare, so the only place you could beat him was inside a dream. Good work, Kirby! You are the only Star Warrior who gets the secret of the Star Rod and can use it against eNeMeE! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': ''[About Tuff, Meta Knight, and the Cappies]'' We better go look for the others now. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tiff''': Hi, everybody! :'''Tuff''': Hey, Tiff! :'''Tiff''': Kirby battled eNeMeE and he beat him! :''[everyone cheers now that they've heard the good news]'' :'''Tiff''': Where are you guys going? :'''Tuff''': The Halberd was blown away. We have to escape before our bomb goes off! :''[Tiff and Kirby gasp upon hearing Tuff's own fair share of news]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Dedede''': ''[laughs]'' That liver sure made you shiver! :'''N.M.E. Sales Guy''': ''[brushing his teeth to get the taste of Kawasaki's cooking out of his mouth]'' I was completely disgusted! :'''Escargoon''': Now you know how we feel about you! :''[both laugh until they are suddenly interrupted by the Halberd's crew barging into the command center]'' :'''Mayor Len Blustergas''': There's the monster delivery system! :'''King Dedede''': Hey, what's goin' on?! :'''Chief Bookem''': Kirby beat eNeMeE and now we're gonna destroy this place! :'''King Dedede''': No way! :''[the N.M.E. Sales Guy gasps in shock and terror after having heard what Chief Bookem just said and makes a run for it]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sir Arthur''': Kirby and his crew have actually done it. :'''Knuckle Joe''': I hope they had time to...get away. :'''Sirica''': Good luck, my friends. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Last lines, series finale; the sun rises over the horizon and the people look on at the fully-rebuilt Cappy Town happily]'' :'''Mayor Len''': Cappy Town's as beautiful as ever. :'''Mabel''': It was hard work, but we rebuilt it together. :'''Tiff''': Everything's back to normal. :'''Escargoon''': Except for the castle...''[he and King Dedede look at the still-damaged Castle Dedede]'' It's still a wreck. :'''King Dedede''': And I ain't even got me a way to order me no more monsters. :'''Meta Knight''': ''[holds Dedede's cell phone out]'' What about this? :'''King Dedede''': Ah! Gimme! :''[King Dedede turns his cell phone on only to find its monitor all fuzzed out due to the destruction of Nightmare's fortress and the command center that was inside it, and he and Escargoon sigh in sadness. Tiff, Tuff, & Kirby laugh at the two and then look back at Cappy Town]'' :'''Tiff''': And so Kirby saved the galaxy and proved himself to be the greatest Star Warrior of all... and life in Dream Land went back to normal. But I suppose that with Kirby around, life will always be an adventure. Isn't that right, Kirby? :'''Kirby''': Puuu... Poyo! == English Voice Cast == :[[w:Makiko Ohmoto|Makiko Ohmoto]] (Japanese voice kept) – Kirby and Kirbysaurus (Ep 76) :[[w:Kerry Williams (voice actress)|Kerry Williams]] – Tiff and Tiffasaurus (Ep 76) :[[w:Kayzie Rogers|Kayzie Rogers]] – Tuff, Lady Like, Hana, Honey, and Tuffadactyl (Ep 76) :[[w:Ted Lewis (voice actor)|Ted Lewis]] – King Dedede, Escargoon, Escargoon's Mother, Amon, Togeira (Ep 55), D-Rex (Ep 75-76), Escarsaurus (Ep 76), Escar-Droid (Ep 78), Rekketsu (Ep 83), Crowmon (Ep 87), and Maimaigoon (Ep 88) :[[w:Eric Stuart|Eric Stuart]] – Meta Knight, Gus, Sword Knight, Blade Knight, Coo, Slice n' Splice, and Yamikage :[[w:Andrew Rannells|Andrew Rannells]] – Chief Bookem (75–100), Nightmare, Rick, Benikage, Max Flexer, and Bookemsaurus (Ep 76) :[[w:Maddie Blaustein|Maddie Blaustein]] – Chef Kawasaki, Gengu, Tuggle, Biblio, Waddle Doo, Mr. Curio, Melman, Hardy, Kawasakisaurus (Ep 76), and Bonkers :[[w:Mike Pollock|Mike Pollock]] – Mayor Len, Samo, Kit Cosmos, Chef Shittake, Lensaurus (Ep 76) and Samosaurus (Ep 76) :[[w:Amy Birnbaum|Amy Birnbaum]] – Kirby (speaking parts in early episodes), Spikehead and Mabel :[[w:David Lapkin|David Lapkin]] – Sir Ebrum, Dr. Yabui, Mr. Chip (Ep 83), and Dis Walney (Ep 89) :[[w:Veronica Taylor|Veronica Taylor]] – Rowlin and Sirica :[[w:Darren Dunstan|Darren Dunstan]] – Kine and Dr. Moro :[[w:Jerry Lobozzo|Jerry Lobozzo]] – Chief Bookem (1–75) :[[w:Tara Jayne|Tara Jayne]] – Fololo, Falala, Princess Rona, and Commander Vee :[[w:Dan Green|Dan Green]] – NME Salesman and Whispy Woods :[[w:Kevin Kolack|Kevin Kolack]] – Tokkori, Knuckle Joe :[[w:Jim Napolitano|Jim Napolitano]] – Kabu and Iro :[[w:James Carter Cathcart|James Carter Cathcart]] – Sir Gallant :[[w:Lisa Ortiz|Lisa Ortiz]] – Buttercup and Lovely == Original Japanese Voice Cast == {{Wikipedia}} :[[w:Makiko Ohmoto|Makiko Ohmoto]] – Kirby, Hohhe, and Rick :[[w:Sayuri Yoshida|Sayuri Yoshida]] – Fumu :[[w:Rika Komatsu|Rika Komatsu]] – Bun :[[w:Kenichi Ogata (voice actor)|Kenichi Ogata]] – King Dedede :[[w:Naoki Tatsuta|Naoki Tatsuta]] – Escargon :[[w:Atsushi Kisaichi|Atsushi Kisaichi]] – Sir Meta Knight and Chief Borun :[[w:Yuko Mizutani|Yuko Mizutani]] – Memu, Mabel, Waddle Doo, Lovely, Mini-Galbo, Walky, Phan-Phan, and Devil Frog :[[w:Takashi Nagasako|Takashi Nagasako]] – Parm, Mayor Len, Professor Curio, and Beat :[[w:Chiro Kanzaki|Chiro Kanzaki]] – Lololo, Blade Knight, Kana, Iroo and Coo :[[w:Madoka Akita|Madoka Akita]] – Lalala, Sato, Honey, Iroo's Mother, Princess Rona, Scarfy, and The Twin Nuts :[[w:Nobuo Tobita|Nobuo Tobita]] – Chef Kawasaki, Kabu, Samo, Moso, Kine, Hardy, Amon, Acorn, Gabon, Togeira, Macho-san, Bonkers, and Crowmon :[[w:Osamu Hosoi|Osamu Hosoi]] – Gus, Whispy Woods, and Kittari Hattari :[[w:Banjo Ginga|Banjo Ginga]] – Customer Service and Nightmare :[[w:Fujiko Takimoto|Fujiko Takimoto]] – Tokkori and Honey's Mother :[[w:Hiroshi Naka|Hiroshi Naka]] – Dakonyo and Dr. Moro :[[w:Isshin Chiba|Isshin Chiba]] – Yamikage and Monsieur Goan :[[w:Kazunori Sekine|Kazunori Sekine]] – Dr. Yabui and Bibli :[[w:Mizuki Saito|Mizuki Saito]] – Gangu and Tago :[[w:Bin Shimada|Bin Shimada]] – Quixano :[[w:Hikaru Tokita|Hikaru Tokita]] – Sword Knight :[[w:Junichi Sugawara|Junichi Sugawara]] – Cook Osaka :[[w:Kazue Ikura|Kazue Ikura]] – Broom King :[[w:Keiko Yamamoto|Keiko Yamamoto]] – Escargon's Mother :[[w:Minami Takayama|Minami Takayama]] – Knuckle Joe :[[w:Kumiko Watanabe|Kumiko Watanabe]] – Benikage :[[w:Norio Tsuboi|Norio Tsuboi]] – Chef Nagoya :[[w:Shigeru Nakahara|Shigeru Nakahara]] – Mr. Chip :[[w:Tomoe Hanba|Tomoe Hanba]] – Silica :[[w:Tomomichi Nishimura|Tomomichi Nishimura]] – Master Bacteria :[[w:Yuko Sasamoto|Yuko Sasamoto]] – Vee (Princess Rona) :[[w:Yumi Toma|Yumi Toma]] – Rowlin [[Category:Animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:Anime]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Japanese TV shows]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:FOX shows]] gg83m3gj6x3y4i9x9vwupi60hd4fgv0 0 141189 3778958 3659086 2025-07-15T00:55:43Z Débora 3073295 /* Quotes */ 3778958 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Rafic Hariri in 2001.jpg|220px|right|thumb|Hariri in 2001]] '''[[w:Rafic Hariri|Rafic Baha El Deen Al-Hariri]]''' ([[1 November]] [[1944]] – [[14 February]] [[2005]]) was the prime minister of [[Lebanon]] from 1992 to 1998 and from 2000 to 2004. He was assassinated in 2005. == Quotes == * It's not a problem to put it up, It's a problem to take it down. ** Talking about the posters that appeared everywhere in Lebanon, of [[Hafez al-Assad]], 1993.[http://www.nytimes.com/2005/02/15/international/middleeast/15hariri.html?_r=0] * He ([[Yasser Arafat]]) was telling me about the situation he is living in. He said that all the buildings around his residence have been destroyed and they are -- they are on fire. And he told me that there is five people have been killed and they cannot move them. And about 40 persons were injured, and they cannot transfer them to the hospital. ** Speaking to CNN, about the attack on Arafat's compound, Ramallah, 29 March 2002.[http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0203/29/lt.12.html] * Yeah. Everybody has the right to defend himself, but by attacking headquarter of President Arafat, this will lead to -- to the security of Israel? I doubt that. ** Answering to the question that if Israel has right to defend themselves, 29 march 2002.[http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0203/29/lt.12.html] == Quotes about Rafic Hariri == * <!-- Spelt as Rafik in the source -->Rafik [Hariri], a former prime minister and a prominent Sunni businessman, was assassinated in 2005, along with twenty-two others, when explosives hidden in a van were detonated as his motorcade drove near the [[w:St. Georges Hotel, Beirut|St. Georges Hotel]] in Beirut. After a painful inquiry, the [[United Nations|UN]] determined that the assassination was likely committed by members of [[Hezbollah]] with Syrian planning and logistical support. Hezbollah is the Shia political party and militant organization funded by Iran and Syria. Hariri's death was followed by a series of sectarian murders of other anti-Syrian politicians, compounding the long-standing frustration with Lebanon's failure to bring his killers to justice. ** [[Janine di Giovanni]] [https://www.nybooks.com/articles/2018/02/08/lebanon-about-to-blow/ "Lebanon: About to Blow?"], ''The New York Review of Books'' (8 February 2018). ** More specifically, the report was by the [[w:United Nations International Independent Investigation Commission|United Nations International Independent Investigation Commission]], as headed by investigator [[w:Detlev Mehlis|Detlev Mehlis]] (known as the [[w:Mehlis report|Mehlis report]]). * This murder of Hariri was deliberately planned and executed precisely to implicate Syria and to set in train the events which have unfolded. ** [[George Galloway]] (13 November, 2005), as cited in [https://www.scotsman.com/news/world/galloway-heaps-praise-on-syrian-regime-2512121 "Galloway heaps praise on Syrian regime"], ''The Scotsman'' (18 November 2005). ** From a speech delivered at the [[w:University of Damascus|University of Damascus]], as televised on Al-Jazeera TV. * Yet his political fortunes were always hostage to his up-and-down relations with Syria's presidents, now Bashar al-Assad and before him his father, Hafez al-Assad. For the most part, he appeared to steer an even course. Unlike some of the more impetuous Lebanese clan and religious leaders, Mr. Hariri carefully avoided direct criticism of Syria's role as Lebanon's overlord. ** [https://www.nytimes.com/2005/02/15/world/middleeast/rafik-hariri-expremier-of-lebanon-dies-at-60.html "Rafik Hariri, Ex-Premier of Lebanon, Dies at 60"], ''The New York Times'' (15 February 2005). == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Hariri, Rafic}} [[Category:1944 births]] [[Category:2005 deaths]] [[Category:People from Lebanon]] [[Category:Heads of government‎]] [[Category:Businesspeople‎ from Lebanon]] [[Category:Muslims‎]] [[Category:Murdered people]] s45o2zgs8abr6l2s1j5hi4mlqwz4jk1 0 145968 3778764 3775933 2025-07-14T17:46:43Z 2600:6C60:3700:329E:E82E:B3B6:F0D9:FF82 /* Seasons */ 3778764 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''Seasons''': [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987) (season 1)|1]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987) (season 2)|2]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987) (season 3)|3]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987) (season 4)|4]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987) (season 5)|5]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987) (season 6)|6]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987) (season 7)|7]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987) (season 8)|8]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987) (season 9)|9]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987) (season 10)|10]] | [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987 TV series)|Main]] ---------------- '''''[[w:Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987 TV series)|Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles]]''''' (also known as '''''Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles''''' in Europe) is a US animated TV series. == Seasons == * '''''[[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987) (season 1)|01]]''''' * '''''[[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987) (season 2)|02]]''''' * '''''[[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987) (season 3)|03]]''''' * '''''[[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987) (season 4)|04]]''''' * '''''[[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987) (season 5)|05]]''''' * '''''[[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987) (season 6)|06]]''''' * '''''[[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987) (season 7)|07]]''''' * '''''[[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987) (season 8)|08]]''''' * '''''[[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987) (season 9)|09]]''''' * '''''[[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987) (season 10)|10]]''''' == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles}} [[Category:Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987 TV series)]] [[Category:Television programs based on comics]] [[Category:1980s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:Anime-influenced Western animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated comic science fiction TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated science fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated superhero TV shows]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about robots]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about turtles]] [[Category:Teen animated TV shows]] [[Category:Teen superhero TV shows]] jjihbb0a1t9tm8dndwqv9i2jwax8fe0 0 147972 3778874 3778293 2025-07-14T21:18:20Z 91.81.250.191 3778874 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Pvr saket.jpg|thumb|Today is a new day.]] {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Chicken Little (2005 film)|Chicken Little]]''''' is a [[2005]] American CGI-animated [[w:comic science fiction|comic science fiction]] film produced by [[w:Walt Disney Animation Studios|Walt Disney Feature Animation]] and loosely based on the [[w:Henny Penny|fable of the same name]]. :''Directed by [[w:Mark Dindal|Mark Dindal]]. Written by [[w:Steve Bencich|Steve Bencich]], [[w:Ron J. Friedman|Ron J. Friedman]], and [[w:Ron Anderson|Ron Anderson]].'' {{center|'''This time, the sky really ''is'' falling.''' <small>([[Chicken Little (2005 film)#Taglines|taglines]])</small>}} ==Others== * '''Firehouse Dog''': ''[coughs]'' Chicken Little, what is it? What's going on? * '''Cheetah''': ''[sadly]'' Why him? Why now? ''[cries]'' * '''Mama Runt''': Runt, that's enough! Don't make Mommy take away from Streisand collection! ==Dialogue== :''[First lines]'' :'''Buck Cluck''': ''[narrates]'' Now, where to begin? ''[shaft of light and pixie dust]'' How about, "Once upon a time..."? ''[screen suddenly goes black]'' How many times have you heard ''that'' to begin a story? Let's do something else. ''[gasps]'' I got it, I got it, here we go. Here's how to open a movie! ''[opening to '''[[The Lion King]]''' plays briefly, then dies out]'' No, I don't think so. It sounds familiar, doesn't it to you? ''[a storybook]'' Oh, no, no, not the book! How many have seen "opening the book" before? Close the book. We're not doing that. Here's what we're gonna do. Why don't I just go back to the day, things took a turn, for the worst? :'''Chicken Little''': Run for your lives! Everyone run for cover! SOS! Mayday! Mayday! Code red! Duck and cover! You're all in danger! :''[babies crying]'' :''[grunting]'' :'''Chicken Little''': Run for cover! :''[steer bellows]'' :'''Chicken Little''': Run for your lives! :''[squealing]'' :''[ringing]'' :''[siren wails]'' :'''Chicken Little''': Emergency! Emergency! :''[screaming]'' :'''Both''': Whoa! :'''All''': Aaah! :''[babies crying]'' :'''Chicken Little''': Run for your lives! :'''Female Citizen''': Look out! Take cover! :''[''[[Raiders of the Lost Ark]]'' Theme]'' :''[car horns honking]'' :''[screaming]'' :'''Chicken Little''': Run for cover! :'''Dog''': ''[coughs]'' Chicken Little! What is it? What's going on? :'''Chicken Little''': The sky is falling! The sky is falling! :'''Bunny''': The sky is falling? :'''Cheetah''': Are you crazy? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chicken Little''': That's it. Today is a new day. :''[brakes squeaking]'' :''[honks horn]'' :''[laughing and cheering]'' :''[Barenaked Ladies: One Little Slip]'' :''🎵It was a recipe for disaster'' :''🎵A four-course meal of "No sirree"'' :''🎵It seemed that happily ever after'' :''[horn honking]'' :''🎵Was happy everyone was after me'' :''🎵It was a cup of good intentions'' :''🎵A tablespoon of one big mess'' :''🎵A dash of overreaction'' :''🎵And I assume you know the rest'' :''🎵One little slip'' :''🎵One little slip'' :''🎵It was a fusion of confusion'' :''🎵With a few confounding things'' :''🎵I guess I probably took the wrong direction'' :''[snorts]'' :''🎵Well I admit I might've missed a sign or two'' :''🎵I took a right turn at confusion'' :''🎵A left when I should've gone straight on through'' :''🎵I ran ahead with my assumptions'' :''🎵And we all know what that can do'' :''🎵One little slip'' :''🎵One little slip'' :''🎵It was a fusion of confusion'' :''🎵And a few confounding things'' :''🎵I get the feeling in this town I'll never live 'til I live down'' :''🎵The one mistake that seems to follow me around'' :''🎵But they'll forget about the sky, when they all realize'' :''🎵This guy's about to try to learn to fly'' :''🎵Or hit the ground'' :''[school bell ringing]'' :'''Person''': How's it going? :''🎵It was a cup of good intentions'' :''🎵A tablespoon of one big mess'' :''🎵A dash of overreaction'' :''🎵And I assume you know the rest'' :''[screaming]'' :''🎵One little slip'' :''🎵One little slip'' :''🎵It was a humble little stumble'' :''🎵With a big ungraceful'' :''🎵One little slip'' :''🎵One little slip'' :''🎵It was a fusion of confusion with a few confounding things'' :''[rattling]'' :''[banging]'' :''[Chicken Little sighing]'' :''[scraping]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mr. Woolensworth''': ''[clears throat]'' Very well. Foxy Loxy. :'''Foxy''': Present, pretty, punctual. :'''Mr. Woolensworth''': Goosey Loosey. ''[Goosey honks]'' Master Runt of the Litter. :'''Runt''': Present and accounted for, Mr. Woolensworth. ''[his pencils drops to the floor]'' Oop! Dropped my pencil. ''[tries to reach it, but falls]'' :''[The kids laugh]'' :'''Foxy''': Loser! :'''Mr. Woolensworth''': Henny Penny. :'''Henny''': Here. :'''Mr. Woolensworth''': Ducky Lucky. :'''Ducky''': Here. :'''Mr. Woolensworth''': Fuzzy Wuzzy. :'''Fuzzy''': Here. :'''Mr. Woolensworth''': Morkubine Porcupine. :'''Morkubine''': Yo. :'''Mr. Woolensworth''': Fish Out of Water. ''[Fish makes water sounds, sees, Mr. Woolensworth, pretends to press the button, and slowly dives]'' Quite. Abby Mallard. :'''Foxy''': ''[fake cough]'' Ugly Duckling! :''[All the students laugh]'' :'''Mr. Woolensworth''': Class, I will not tolerate rude behavior at the expense of a fellow... :'''Abby''': Hey, hey, hey. No worries, Mr. Woolensworth. :'''Mr. Woolensworth''': Yaah! ''[honking sound effect]'' You mustn't sneak up on me, Ugly– Uh, Abby. Now, where was I? :'''Foxy''': ''[fake cough]'' Ugly Duckling! :'''Mr. Woolensworth''': Yes, of course. Thank you. ''[Abby drums on her desk and blows a raspberry]'' Chicken Little. :''[Chicken Little's desk is empty]'' :'''Foxy''': ''[fake cough]'' Tardy again! :'''Mr. Woolensworth''': Tardy again. ''[crosses Chicken Little's name off]'' Class, turn to page 62 and translate each word in mutton. He. :'''Students''': Baa! :'''Mr. Woolensworth''': She. :'''Students''': Baa! :'''Mr. Woolensworth''': They. :'''Students''': Baa! :'''Mr. Woolensworth''': We. :'''Students''': Baa! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Abby''': Calm down, Runt! Just...Just do what Fish is doing. :''[C & C Music Factory: Gonna Make You Sweat]'' :'''C & C Music Factory''': Everybody dance now. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Abby''': Tough morning? :'''Chicken Little''': I had a run in with my old nemesis. :'''Abby''': Gum on the crosswalk? :'''Chicken Little''': He won this round. :'''Abby''': Your old foe. :'''Chicken Little''': Mmm-hmm. :'''Abby''': Incoming on your right. <hr width="50%"/> :''[During a timeout at gym class]'' :'''Chicken Little''': So, uh, what do you think? :'''Abby''': Okay, listen. Look, ''you'' said thought the sky was falling. Your ''dad'' didn't support you, and ''you'' have been hurting inside ever since. :'''Chicken Little''': Yeah, but... :'''Abby''': It's hurt. It's the nutshell. :'''Chicken Little''': Well, it's hurt, but... :'''Abby''': No, bup bup! Bup! Now what needs to happen now is the nut needs to be cracked open, and not one little chip at a time, but bam! Bits of emotion flying everywhere! Anger! Frustration! Denial! Fear! Deep depression, in fact! You see what I'm saying? :''[Pause]'' :'''Runt of the Litter''': Uh... :'''Abby''': Alright, forget the nut thing. Here's the main thing. You have got to stop messing around and deal with the problem. Here's the real solution: You, your dad, talk-talk-talking, closure. :'''Chicken Little''': Closure? :'''Abby''': Closure. Talking about something until it's resolved. Wait. Look. ''[pulls out some magazines from her backpack]'' There's a whole section about in this month's Modern Mallard. Incredibly appropriate! Whew! :'''Chicken Little''': I told you, I have a plan. :'''Abby''': Yeah, but according to Cosmo Duck, you should stop the squawk and try the talk. And Beautiful Ducking says avoiding closure with your parents can cause early molting. See? Closure. ''[as they're talking, Fish Out of Water is building a tower out of her magazines]'' Just repeat after me. You, your dad, talk-talk... :'''Chicken Little''': Abby, Abby, Abby! Listen, talking's a waste of time. I got to do something great so my dad doesn't think I'm such a loser. :'''Abby''': Come on, you're not a loser. You're inventive and resourceful and funny and cute... :'''Chicken Little''': What? ''[falls from the volleyball]'' :'''Abby''': Oh, you... ''[chuckles nervously]'' Um... ''[smiling broadly]'' Runt, should Chicken Little have a good talk with his dad and clean the air... ''[winks then frowns]'' ...or keep searching for Band-Aid solutions and never deal with the problem? :'''Runt''': Pfft! Band-Aid solutions! :'''Abby''': Runt! :'''Runt''': Well, I'm sorry! I'm very bad at reading facial cues. :'''Abby''': Fish, help me out here. ''[eyes widen to see Fish has built the Empire State Building out of papers from magazines, and pretends to be King Kong while making papper airplanes, much to her annoyance. Fish pretends to get shot and falls off the building]'' Men. :'''Runt''': ''[as the paper citizen]'' 'Twas Beauty that killed the Beast. :'''Abby''': I guess only girls are good at honest communication and sensitivity. ''[gets hit by the volleyball]'' :''[Foxy Loxy and the classmates laugh]'' :'''Chicken Little''': That does it! We were in a time-out, Foxy! Prepare to hurt! And I don't mean emotionally like I do! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Principal Fetchit''': Not showing up for class, inappropriate school attire, picking fights in gym class, and a fire alarm ? Ever since that sky falling incident, he's been nothing but trouble! ''[sighs]'' Now, look, Buck. You know I have the utmost respect for you. I mean you were Buck "Ace" Cluck, our school baseball star! ''[sighs]'' But let's face the facts. Your kid, he's nothing like you at all. :'''Buck Cluck''': ''[clears throat]'' Okay, thank you for talking to me. I'll take care of my son. :'''Chicken Little''': Dad, it wasn't my fault. It was Foxy. She's always... :'''Buck Cluck''': That's all right. It's fine. You don't have to explain anything. :''[They drive home]'' :'''Chicken Little''': Hey, Dad? I was thinking. Yeah, what if I...? What if...? What if I joined the baseball team? :''[Almost get hit by another car]'' :'''Man''': Hey, why don't you watch where you're going?! :'''Buck Cluck''': Sorry, there, buddy! Sorry, sorry! Baseball? Son, we talked about this. :'''Chicken Little''': Yeah, right. But, you know, that was when I was small. I put on five ounces this year. I've really bulked up. :'''Buck Cluck''': Really, son? Baseball? Are you sure? :'''Chicken Little''': Oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, you know, hey, why not, right? :'''Buck Cluck''': Yeah, why not, but why? :'''Chicken Little''': Well, Dad, you were such a big baseball star in high school. You could give me some pointers. :'''Buck Cluck''': But, son, you know, I'm just wondering, maybe baseball isn't exactly your thing, you know? Have you considered the chess team or the glee club? And some teenagers, you know, they get quite a rush from stamp-collecting! You wanna stop? We'll get some stamps... :'''Chicken Little''': No, I don't like stamps. :'''Buck Cluck''': Colors, colorful things... :'''Chicken Little''': No, I was thinkin' baseball! I can't wait to see the look on your face when I smash that ball in for a touchdown! Dad, I'm kidding. That was a joke. :'''Buck Cluck''': Just do me one favor, son. :'''Chicken Little''': Why, sure, Dad, anything. :'''Buck Cluck''': Just please try not to get your hopes too high. :'''Chicken Little''': Yeah, but Dad I mean, yeah, I mean, I think I can...I...Okay, Dad. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Don Bowwoser''': After nine grueling innings and several players out with injuries, the Acorns are scraping the bottom of the roster. Hopefully, there's just enough muscle on the bench to pull out a win. Up next... ''[shuddering]'' Chicken Little. :''[crowd groaning]'' :''[crying]'' :'''Don Bowwoser''': Clearly a long shot, folks. Little hasn't been up to bat once since joining the team. :'''Cheetah''': He's gonna lose the game for us! :'''Don Bowwoser''': Wait! If he can get a walk and advance to first, that powerhouse Foxy Loxy can step up and save us all. She's had a terrific game so far. A shoo-in for the MVP trophy. :'''Coach''': Okay, kid, listen up. You have an itty-bitty, teeny-tiny strike zone. There's no way he can throw you out! Take the walk. Don't swing. :'''Chicken Little''': Yeah. But, coach. I have a good feeling... :'''Coach''': Look. Look at me, look at me. Don't swing, take the walk, you hear me? Just take the walk. :'''Chicken Little''': But, coach, wait! :'''Coach''': Don't swing! :'''Don Bowwoser''': Nervous, gangly, barely able to hold the pine, Little advances to the box. He's going to bat from the right. Make it the left. No, the right. The right. :'''Goose''': Easy out! :'''Don Bowwoser''': Left field's found something better to do, center field's got a hunger pang in his second stomach and right field's digging for grubs. :'''Donkey''': Play ball! :'''Cheetah''': Why him? Why now? ''[sobbing]'' :'''Chicken Little''': I won't embarrass you, Dad. Not this time. :'''Don Bowwoser''': Here's the wind-up, the pitch! It's a high cutter. :'''Donkey''': Ball! :''[grunting]'' :''[gasping]'' :''[groaning]'' :'''Donkey''': Uh... Strike one! :''[laughing]'' :'''Don Bowwoser''': I'm not going to sugarcoat it. I've seen roadkill with faster reflexes. The catcher lays down the signals. Here's the pitch. urve ball low and outside, he swings! :'''Donkey''': Stee-rike two! :'''Turkey Lurkey''': Ohh! :'''Coach''': I said, don't swing! :'''Crowd''': Don't swing! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Don Bowwoser''': Ladies and gentlemen, I'm not gonna sugarcoat it; I've seen roadkill with faster reflexes. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chicken Little''': All right, guys. Watch this. :'''Abby''': Bizarre. ''[Runt whimpers]'' Okay. Lemme guess. You haven't told your dad yet. :'''Chicken Little''': Well... :'''Abby''': I knew it! Why haven't you told him? Because there hasn't been you, your dad, talk-talk-talking. :'''Chicken Little''': There was talking. There was...There was definitely talking. :'''Abby''': Oh, really? What did he say? ''[Chicken Little only making stammering things]'' What? Alright, that's ''it''! We are doing an intervention! You have got to stop messing around and deal with the problem! :'''Runt''': She's right! :'''Chicken Little''': Abby, please. This is exactly what fell on me the first time. There's no way I'm bringing this up again with him. :'''Runt''': No, he's not! :'''Abby''': Runt! :'''Runt''': Sorry! I'm a gutless flip-flopper. :'''Abby''': Okay. I'm sure there's a simple, logical explanation. I mean, it could be a piece of weather balloon, or maybe it's part of some experimental communications satellite. :'''Chicken Little''': I don't care what it is. I want it out of my life, gone for good. Everything back to normal. :'''Abby''': Hey, remember when that icy blue stuff fell from the sky? Everybody thought it was from space and stuff? And it just turned out to be frozen pee from a jet airplane. :'''Runt''': Yeah, that's right. It's frozen pee. Yeah. It's frozen pee. ''[singing] Pee, pee, pee, pee pee.'' :'''Chicken Little''': Could you stop saying that? :'''Runt''': What, pee? :'''Chicken Little''': Pee. :'''Abby''': How 'bout tinkle? :'''Runt''': Piddle? :'''Abby''': Whiz? ''[Fish gurgles]'' :'''Runt''': Wee-wee? :'''Chicken Little''': Okay, subject change. :'''Runt''': Make Phishee? :'''Chicken Little''': I don't care what it is! Now are you gonna help me get rid of it or not? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Abby''': Sit tight, Fish! :'''Runt''': Fish! We will try to save you! :''[panting]'' :'''Chicken Little''': Yeah! :''[grunting]'' :''[grunting, mumbling]'' :'''Runt''': I'm sorry! Wait! :''[panting]'' :''[horn honks]'' :'''Runt''': Sorry! :'''Abby''': Curb! :'''Runt''': Ay! :''[panting]'' :''[all panting]'' :'''Abby''': Fish! :''[Runt wheezing, gulping]'' :''[rumbling]'' :''[electrical fizzling]'' :''[winds gusting]'' :''[thunderclap]'' :''[humming]'' :''[screaming]'' :'''Chicken Little''': Abby! Abby! Wake up! Come on! Let's get outta here! :''[beeping]'' :''[gasping]'' :''[garbled gurgling]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chicken Little''': {{small|Fish?}} :'''Abby''': {{small|Fish!}} :'''Chicken Little''': {{small|Fish…}} :'''Abby''': {{small|Fish…}} :'''Runt''': ''[yelling] <big>'''WHERE ARE YOU, FISH?!'''</big>'' :'''Abby''': Shh! :'''Runt''': I can't handle the pressure! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dog''': Now, let's check the weather with Riz. A cold front is moving in so... The alarm bell has been activated! Quick! Get a camera crew! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cameraman Rabbit''': Eh, there's no story here. :'''Cameraman Dog''': At least we can sell the video of Chickens Gone Wild. :'''Chicken Little''': I'm telling ya everybody, it was here! :'''Abby''': No, wait! There were aliens! :'''Runt''': It's true! They had eyes...They're glowing and then tentacles! And maps with planets with X's through them! '''''AAHHH!!''''' :'''Mama Runt''': ''[angrily grabs Runt's ear]'' Runt, that's enough! Don't make mommy take away your Streisand collection! ''[pulls Runt out of the scene]'' :'''Runt''': Mom, you leave Barbra out of this! :'''Fetchit''': Why can't you keep that child of yours under control?! :'''Mama Vulture''': What kind of parent are you?! :'''Chicken Little''': I'm telling you the truth! Dad! Dad! I am not making this up! You gotta believe me this time. :'''Buck Cluck''': ''[sighs, pauses]'' No, son. I don't. ''[chuckles]'' I can't tell you how embarrassed I am, folks. I'm really sorry about this, everyone. Looks like this is just a big, crazy misunderstanding. :'''Mayor Turkey Turkey''': Well, other than the penny, this whole evening was a wash! :'''Foxy Loxy''': Oh, Mr. Cluck, don't take it so hard. No one blames you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Abby''': If there ever was a time to talk to your dad...it's now. :'''Chicken Little''': It's too late for that. :'''Runt''': It's too late, baby, now it's too late. ''[sobbing]'' Though they really did try to make it. (It's so beautiful.) :'''Abby''': Runt. Just think about it. :'''Runt''': Something inside has died and they just can't hide and they just can't fake it. Oh, no, no. :'''Chicken Little''': Runt, I really just want to be alone right now. :''[Abby, Fish and Runt leaves. Then Chicken Little sees Kirby next to him all alone. It winks at him.]'' :'''Chicken Little''': Oh! Abby! Runt! Fish! Look! There! Look there! Look there! :'''Runt''': What is that thing?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chicken Little''': His name is Kirby? :'''Abby''': They left him behind? :'''Runt''': [[Darth Vader]]'s Luke's father? :'''Chicken Little''': ''[Kirby starts sobbing]'' No, no, no, no. Come on, come on, don't cry. We're here for you. We're gonna do whatever it takes to get you back home, okay? Here, blow. ''[Kirby blows his nose. he tries to get it off, but wipes it off on the ground]'' See, guys? He's cool. He was just freaked out. That's all. ''[Kirby sneezes]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chicken Little''': Watch out for the kid! Don't hit him! :'''Buck Cluck''': Son! There you are. Quick! Get in the car. We gotta go. :'''Chicken Little''': No, wait. Dad, I gotta tell you something. :'''Buck Cluck''': What? I know! I know! You were right! Alien invasion. I see that now. Look up! There it is! :'''Chicken Little''': Dad, you know, about that...It's actually just a rescue mission. :'''Buck Cluck''': Rescue mission? :'''Chicken Little''': You see, this alien kid was left and they're coming back to get him! So, we have to help him, 'cause if we don't, who else will? :'''Buck Cluck''': What? :'''Chicken Little''': Ugh! Forget it. You wouldn't believe me anyway. :'''Buck Cluck''': Son! Son, come back! Son! Chicken Little! :'''Abby''': Mr. Cluck, wait! He's telling the truth! :'''Runt''': He is! Given his track record, we understand why you don't believe him! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Turkey Lurkey''': ''[to an alien robot]'' Oh, we surrender! Here, take the key to the city! ''[alien bot zaps the key; holds up another key]'' Key to my car? ''[robot zaps key and car at the same time; holds a box of Tic Tacs]'' Tic Tac? ''[bot zaps Lurkey]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Buck Cluck''': Chicken Little! What? Where's your head? We gotta get outta here! Come on! You, with the running and the jumping! :'''Chicken Little''': Dad, no, wait. :'''Abby''': What are you guys doing? We gotta get outta here! It's like War of the Worlds out there! :'''Buck Cluck''': Stop pulling! :'''Chicken Little''': Just listen to me for one second! It's not dangerous! :'''Abby''': We are under attack! Will you two stop messing around and deal with the problem? :'''Chicken Little''': ''[to Buck Cluck]'' You're never there for me! :'''Buck Cluck''': What? :'''Abby''': Okay, that's not what I had in mind, but... :'''Chicken Little''': You're never there for me. I mean, you were there when I won the game, but not when I thought the sky fell and not at the ball field and certainly not now! :'''Abby''': This is good! Keep going, keep going! :'''Chicken Little''': You've been ashamed since the acorn thing happened. We have to talk because Modern Mallard says avoiding closure can lead to molting and I'm already small and on top of that, I don't think I could handle being bald! :'''Buck Cluck''': I...I...I didn't realize, son. I-I never meant to...The acorn, the sky, I mean, the whole... ''[sighs, chuckles]'' You're right. You're right. Your mom, she was...You know, she was always good with stuff like this. Me...I'm gonna need a lot of work. But you need to know that I love you, no matter what. And I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like that was something you had to earn. ''[Buck Cluck and Chicken Little hug]'' :'''Abby''': And we're good. Let's go. Let's go. :'''Chicken Little''': Okay, Dad. Now, all we gotta do is return helpless little Kirby. :'''Buck Cluck''': Return this whatever it is? This is crazy! Crazy! Crazy wonderful! Just tell me what you need me to do. :'''Chicken Little''': Do you really mean it? :'''Buck Cluck''': You bet! Anything, son. :'''Chicken Little''': Come on, Dad. We've got a planet to save. :'''Buck Cluck''': Crazy supportive. That's me! Ohh! This thing likes to nibble, doesn't it? :'''Chicken Little''': ''[to Abby]'' By the way, I'd like to say I've always found you extremely attractive. ''[kisses Abby]'' :'''Abby''': ''[giggles]'' Now that's closure. :'''Runt''': Wait! Wait! What's going on? Oh, they've given her an alien mind-wipe! ''[screams and falls down on his floor]'' :'''Buck Cluck''': Okay, son. What do we do now? :'''Chicken Little''': Uh, okay. This is a piece of cake, Dad. All we have to do is take the kid down the street to the giant metal alien. :''[tires screeching]'' :''[horn honking]'' :'''Turkey Lurkey''': We surrender! Here! Take the key to the city! :''[zapping]'' :'''Turkey Lurkey''': Key to my car? :''[zapping]'' :'''Turkey Lurkey''': Tic Tac? :''[zapping]'' :''[gasping]'' :''[Kirby babbling]'' :'''Chicken Little''': Forget plan A! :''[Kirby squeaking]'' :''[electronic beeping]'' :'''Buck Cluck''': Uh-oh. :''[buzzing]'' :''[zapping]'' :''[sirens wailing]'' :'''Buck Cluck''': Okay, okay, what now, son? Who, by the way, I support 100 percent. :'''Chicken Little''': Uh, plan B? :'''Buck Cluck''': Ha-ha! Of course! Plan B! What is plan B? :''[Kirby jabbering]'' :'''Buck Cluck''': What? You have to go to the bathroom? You want juice? A snack? Corn dog on a stick? Want to play some golf? What do you want?! I stink at this. I'm a horrible father. :''[Kirby speaks alien language]'' :'''Buck Cluck''': No, no, I am. :'''Kirby''': Poo-tee-tah. :'''Chicken Little''': Oh, is that your parents? :'''Kirby''': Pooteetah, pooteetah. ''[sputtering]'' :'''Chicken Little''': That's it, Dad! Plan B! All we have to do is weave through traffic through town square while avoiding death rays from alien robots. We get to Town Hall, climb up to the roof and give the kid back to its parents. :''[girl screaming]'' :''[crashing]'' :'''Buck Cluck''': Yeah! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chicken Little''': Runt, just do it. It'll work. We'll survive! :''[Intro to "I Will Survive" plays]'' :'''Runt''': I will survive? Brake, Abby! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Buck Cluck''': What, what? You have to go to the bathroom? ''[Kirby shakes head]'' You want juice? ''[Kirby shakes head again]'' A snack? ''[Kirby shakes head again]'' Corndog? On a stick? ''[Kirby starts to lose temper]'' Want to play some golf? What do you want? :'''Kirby''': Pootita! Pootita! :'''Buck Cluck''': I stink at this...I'm a horrible father. No, no, no, I am, I am. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Melvin''': Why did you take our child? :'''Buck Cluck''': Hey, hey! Just... ''[gulps]'' Just hold on there, buddy! My son did not take your kid! You were the one that left him behind! That's bad parenting, and I should know! :'''Melvin''': ''Silence''! '''Release the child!''' :'''Buck Cluck''': Okay. :'''Chicken Little''': Okay, okay. :''[Kirby returns to his mother]'' :'''Tina''': Sweetheart! Oh, Kirby, I'm so happy to see you! My darling! :'''Buck Cluck''': ''[sighs]'' That was close. :'''Chicken Little''': At least they're back together. They got their kid. :'''Melvin''': You have violated intergalactic law 90210! A charge punishable by immediate particle disintegration! :'''Buck Cluck''': ''[held at gunpoint alongside his son]'' Oh, snap. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alien Cop''': Okay, everything's been put back to normal, except for this one over here. :'''Foxy Loxy''': ''[dressed in a pink dress and curls]'' Hi, y'all. :''[Everyone else gasps]'' :'''Chicken Little''': Foxy? :'''Foxy Loxy''': ''[singing in a girly manner]'' Lollipop, lollipop / Oh, lolli, lolli, lolli, lollipop... :'''Alien Cop''': She got her brainwaves a little scrambled during reconstitution, but, no worries! We can put her back the way she was. :'''Runt''': No! She's perfect. ''[joins Foxy]'' Lollipop. :''[Popping sound]'' :'''Both''': Lollipop. :'''Alien Cop''': Scary. :'''Melvin''': Whoops. Darling look at the time. We better can move on. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ace''': Are you ready to rock? :'''Hollywood Runt''': Ain't no mountain high enough, ain't no valley low. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ace''': ''[to Hollywood Runt shooting alien spaceships]'' Give them a taste of the other white meat! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Lurkey''': ''[stops a crowd]'' Hey, look, a penny. :'''Chicken Little''': ''[annoyed]'' Guys! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Buck Cluck''': Uh... :'''Chicken Little''': Gotta go! Dad! Bye! :'''Buck Cluck''': You gotta be ready to listen to your children, even if they have nothing to say. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Coach''': Chicken Little. You better have a good explanation for this! :'''Chicken Little''': There's...there's...it's a...you have to...D'oh...Doo-wah! :'''Mountain Lion''': What did he say? :'''Mayor Lurkey''': ''[reading a sign-holding dog's signs]'' "There's...there's...it's a...you have to...D'oh! Doo-wah!" :'''Chicken Little''': Follow me! Come on! Hurry! Hurry! Aliens here! Aliens here! :'''Buck Cluck''': It's...It's happening again. ==Taglines== * This time, the sky really ''is'' falling. ==Cast== ===Voice Cast=== ====Main Cast==== * '''[[Zach Braff]]''' – Chicken Little * '''[[w:Garry Marshall|Garry Marshall]]''' – Buck Cluck * '''[[w:Don Knotts|Don Knotts]]''' – Mayor Turkey Lurkey * '''[[Patrick Stewart]]''' – Mr. Woolensworth * '''[[w:Amy Sedaris|Amy Sedaris]]''' – Foxy Loxy * '''[[w:Steve Zahn|Steve Zahn]]''' – Runt of the Litter * '''[[w:Joan Cusack|Joan Cusack]]''' – Abby Mallard * '''[[w:Wallace Shawn|Wallace Shawn]]''' – Principal Fetchit * '''[[w:Harry Shearer|Harry Shearer]]''' – Dog Announcer * '''[[Fred Willard]]''' – Melvin - Alien Dad * '''[[Catherine O'Hara]]''' – Tina - Alien Mom * '''[[Patrick Warburton]]''' – Alien Cop * '''[[Adam West]]''' – Ace (Hollywood Chicken Little) ====Deleted Scenes==== * '''[[w:Holly Hunter|Holly Hunter]]''' – Chicken Little (as a girl) * '''[[w:Estelle Harris|Estelle Harris]]''' – Chloe Cluck ===Additional Characters=== * '''[[w:Mark Walton (story artist)|Mark Walton]]''' – Goosey Loosey * '''[[w:Mark Dindal|Mark Dindal]]''' – Morkubine Porcupine, Coach * '''Dan Molina''' – Fish Out of Water * '''[[w:Joe Whyte|Joe Whyte]]''' – Rodriguez, Acorn Mascot, Umpire * '''Sean Elmore'''<br>'''Matthew Michael Joston'''<br>'''Evan Dunn''' – Kirby - Alien Kid * '''Kellie Hoover''' – Mama Runt * '''[[w:Will Finn|Will Finn]]''' – Hollywood Fish * '''Dara McGarry''' – Hollywood Abby * '''Mark Kennedy''' – Hollywood Runt ===Additional Voices=== * '''[[w:Greg Berg|Greg Berg]]''' – Buck Cluck (ADR) * '''[[w:Julianne Buescher|Julianne Buescher]]''' – Abby Mallard (ADR) * '''David Cowgill''' – Donkey * '''[[w:Paul Pape|Paul Pape]]''' – Firehouse Dog * '''Spencer Aste''' – Cheetah * '''[[w:Sheb Wooley|Sheb Wooley]]''' – Anonymous Crowd Scream (Archive Sound) ==Teaser Trailer== :''[The teaser trailer starts with the Walt Disney Pictures logo, then fades to reveal someone recording a camera with text reading, "In Theaters 2005", then pans down to Chicken Little's house]'' :'''Reporter #1''': It doesn't look like he's home. :'''Reporter #2''': Do you think he's in there? :'''Reporter #3''': Maybe he's still at school. :''[As the camera gets closer to the house, some tip-toeing footsteps can be heard]'' :'''Reporter #2''': Wait, wait, wait, wait! What's that? :''[The camera zooms in on an empty toilet paper roll]'' :'''Reporter #4''': Ah, it's just a roll of toilet paper. :''[The off-screen reporters moan until they see chicken legs burst out from underneath the roll, and sneak away]'' :'''Reporter #5''': With legs?! :''[The roll with legs springs up in shock]'' :'''Reporter #6''': That's him! :''[The toilet paper bumps into a metal trash can, revealing Chicken Little hiding under it]'' :'''Reporter #7''': He's trying to get away! :'''Reporters''': Chicken Little! Chicken Little! Chicken Little! :''[The camera rushes over to Chicken Little, with holding microphones surrounding the edges of the lens. Chicken Little runs on a trash lid to escape, only to run in place and fly away]'' :'''Reporter #4''': Did you actually think the sky was falling? :'''Reporter #2''': Did you know it was an acorn? :'''Reporter #5''': Why did your father think of this? :'''Chicken Little''': No comment! No comment! ''[stops at a fence, and tries to get it open]'' :'''Reporter #4''': Are you concerned about sky-falling copycats? :'''Reporter #2''': Aren't you even related to The Boy Who Cried Wolf? :'''Reporter #5''': Are you really a chicken? :'''Chicken Little''': ''[breathing heavily]'' I… Uh, uh, uh… ''[points]'' Look! Over there! :''[The camera turns left to a brown dog holding a baseball bat, and wearing a baseball mitt. Next to the dog is a gray bunny wearing a baseball mitt. Their faces are censored. The dog and bunny gasp upon seeing this as the bunny drops the baseball, and they look at each other. The camera turns back to the fence, seeing that Chicken Little has disappeared]'' :'''Reporter #1''': Where'd he go? :''[The camera whirls around to find Chicken Little running back to his house]'' :'''Reporter #3''': There he is! :'''Reporter #4''': Get him! :''[The camera chases after Chicken Little until he jumps into the door's mail slot, only to get stuck. The microphones surround him as he attempts to get out]'' :'''Reporter #5''': Chicken Little, your action caused widespread panic, and subsequently you were blamed and humiliated in front of your town, your father and everyone you know and love! :''[Chicken Little stops straining and is confused]'' :'''Chicken Little''': ''[sighs]'' Was there a question in there? :'''Reporter #5''': Uh, no. I just wanted to point that out. :''[As the off-screen reporters shout at one time, Chicken Little gets out of the mail slot]'' :'''Chicken Little''': Alright, that's enough. :'''Reporter #6''': One final question! Do you think you'll ever get to live this down? :''[The scene behind Chicken Little darkens as a heroic score plays in the background. A spotlight shines around Chicken Little as he responds his question boldly]'' :'''Chicken Little''': Yes. Yes, I will! Because I believe in second chances, and I will rise again like the mighty phoenix, and soon everyone will forget! ''[The background lightens up to its original state as the music stops]'' It's not like they're making a movie about it. :''[Chicken Little laughs and a black title card drops down into place and the film's title. A few seconds later, Chicken Little tears through the two title cards]'' :'''Chicken Little''': It was a simple mistake! People, please, please! I'm begging you! Let it go! :''[We cut to the black background with the early release date, "IN THEATERS 2005". Chicken Little enters from the left of the shot as he walks. He stops to look at the release date]'' :'''Chicken Little''': A movie? ''[sniffles and breaks into tears]'' The book on tape was bad enough. :''[Chicken Little cries as he exits right. Once he's out of view, the final film's title drops into place, reading "This time, the sky is falling", the screen fades to black as the music fades, ending the teaser trailer]'' == About ''{{PAGENAME}}'' == * We had a long debate in the studio: What was Disney's legacy? Was it 2-D, pencil-drawn animation, or was it telling great stories with great characters? And Joe Grant, who passed away just this past year, that we dedicated the movie to...I think he was, at 94 years old, really the youngest voice in the room, saying to all of us, "Look, Walt Disney stood for cutting-edge technology. He stood for whatever tool you could assemble that would do the best job of telling your story. Don't get hung up on the technology and say, 'No, it's the pencil.'" He said, "Walt never would have locked in and said, 'You gotta stick with the pencil forever, no matter what happens with technology.'" So I think it was undeniable. I think of the top-ten grossing [animated movies], Lion King is the only one in there that's a 2-D movie. It's undeniable that there's a great public appetite, and it's because you just have such a rich palette. Like Buck Cluck's feathers--he has 250,000 feathers on his head and his arms that can all move to wind and gravity. Those are things that you could only dream of in a 2-D realm. ** [[w:Randy Fullmer|Randy Fullmer]] in [http://movies.radiofree.com/interviews/chickenl_mark_dindal_randy_fullmer.shtml "MARK DINDAL & RANDY FULLMER on 'CHICKEN LITTLE'"] by Michael J. Lee, ''RadioFree.com'', October 16, 2005. ==External links== {{wikipedia}} * {{imdb title|id=0371606|title=Chicken Little}} {{Authority control}} {{Walt Disney Animation Studios}} [[Category:2005 films]] [[Category:2000s American animated films]] [[Category:American computer-animated films]] [[Category:American 3D animated films]] [[Category:American children's animated comic science fiction films]] [[Category:American children's animated science fantasy films]] [[Category:Animated coming-of-age films]] [[Category:Films about space hazards]] [[Category:Films directed by Mark Dindal]] [[Category:Animated films about ducks]] [[Category:Films about chickens]] [[Category:Animated films about pigs]] [[Category:Films about fish]] [[Category:Films about ducks]] [[Category:Animated films about father–son relationships]] [[Category:Chicken Little (franchise)]] qnztffc9qwmlgp2g1h7lpaionenyimb 0 150551 3778507 2702957 2025-07-14T12:30:06Z UDScott 4304 −[[Category:People from Belgium]]; ±[[Category:Architects]]→[[Category:Architects from Belgium]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778507 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File: Johan Neerman 021.JPG|thumb|right| To my mind, design is closer to a sociological approach then a purely aesthetic creation.]] [[File: Johan Neerman 03.JPG |thumb|right|Funicular of Tignes J.Neerman]] '''[[w: Johan Neerman|Johan Neerman]]''' (born [[May 24]], [[1959]], Kortrijk, West Flanders) is a Belgium architect, inventor, industrial designer, system thinker focusing on urban mobility, transport systems, naval design and architecture. {{architect-stub}} == Quotes == * '''A good building should contribute and interact with the [[environment]] and underline human values. ''' ** “Object”, Van Treehouse tot maxi Sampan (April 1998), p. 78. * '''[[Public transport]] is functionality for people not [[engineers]].''' ** “Het Laatste Nieuws” (December 2001), p. 16. * ''' To my mind, [[design]] is closer to a sociological approach then a purely aesthetic creation. ''' ** “Arte News”, The global method (2003), p. 113. == External links == * [http://neermantransport.com Neerman & Partners Web Site] *[http://johanson3.com Johanson3 cargo bikes Web Site] {{wikipedia}} {{Commons|Johan Neerman}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Neerman, Johan}} [[Category:1959 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Architects from Belgium]] [[Category:Inventors]] ri9kz60frmgv9xmthyd03p5kqoc7ytd 0 152520 3778657 3576071 2025-07-14T13:37:36Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Comedians]]; added [[Category:Comedians from Hong Kong]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778657 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Jackie Chan 2002-portrait edited.jpg|thumb|'''Jackie Chan''' (2002)]] '''[[w:Jackie Chan|Jackie Chan]]''', [[w:Silver Bauhinia Star|SBS]], [[w:Member of the Order of the British Empire|MBE]], [[w:Orders, decorations, and medals of Malaysia|PMW]], (born Chan Kong-sang, 陳港生 [[7 April]] [[1954]]) is a [[w:Hong Kong people|Hong Kong]] martial artist, actor, film director, producer, stuntman, and singer. In his movies, he is known for his [[w:Zui Quan|acrobatic fighting style]], comic timing, use of improvised weapons, and innovative [[w:stunt|stunt]]s. ==Quotes== *I feel the pride of being a Chinese everywhere, the Five-starred Red Flag is respected worldwide. ** During the 2019 Hong Kong protests, as quoted in ''[https://www.cbr.com/hong-kong-jackie-chan-wants-to-join-chinese-communist-party/ Hong Kong Star Jackie Chan Wants To Join the Chinese Communist Party]'' (2019) *I'm jealous that you are CCP [Communist Party of China] members. The CCP is really great. The CCP's promises don't take 100 years, they are fulfilled in decades. I want to be a CCP member. ** During the Chinese Communist Party's centennial, as quoted in ''[https://www.cbr.com/hong-kong-jackie-chan-wants-to-join-chinese-communist-party/ Hong Kong Star Jackie Chan Wants To Join the Chinese Communist Party]'' (2021) * ...in the 10 years after Hong Kong's return to Chinese rule ... I'm not sure if it's good to have freedom or not... If you're too free, you're like the way Hong Kong is now. It's very chaotic. Taiwan is also chaotic... I'm gradually beginning to feel that we Chinese need to be controlled. If we're not being controlled, we'll just do what we want. ** [http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090421/ap_en_ot/as_hong_kong_people_jackie_chan Jackie Chan at the annual Boao Forum for Asia] (18 April 2009) * More than 120 takes. Those kinds of things ... You [say] "Wow, Jackie's good." It's not good. You can do it. Except, do you have the patience or not? ** ''Jackie Chan: My Stunts'' (1999) == External links== {{Wikipedia}} {{Commons category|Jackie Chan}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Chan, Jackie}} [[Category:1954 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Actors from Hong Kong]] [[Category:Comedians from Hong Kong]] [[Category:Film directors from China]] [[Category:Film producers]] [[Category:Singers]] [[Category:Martial artists from China]] [[Category:Screenwriters]] [[Category:Fashion designers]] [[Category:Businesspeople from China]] [[Category:Philanthropists]] [[Category:People from Hong Kong]] rbtjve59fcmd6fo422zdwefas4yqunc 0 156558 3778716 3456426 2025-07-14T14:04:06Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Comedians]]; added [[Category:Comedians from Italy]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778716 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Francesco Salvi.jpg|thumb|right|200px|Francesco Salvi in 2007]] '''[[:w:Francesco Salvi|Francesco Salvi]]''' (born 7 February 1953) is an Italian actor, writer, comedian, singer and architect. {{author-stub}} == Quotes == * [[Impressionism]] is at the root of all [[modern art]], because it was the first movement that managed to free itself from preconceived ideas, and because it changed not only the way [[life]] was depicted but the way life was seen. ** In: Nancy Bachus ''[http://books.google.co.in/books?id=azsmp3dvjk8C&pg=PA10 The Modern Piano: The Influence of Society, Style, and Musical Trends on the Great Piano Composers]'', Alfred Music Publishing, 1 August 2006, p. 10 == External links == {{Wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Salvi, Francesco}} [[Category:1953 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Actors from Italy]] [[Category:Comedians from Italy]] [[Category:Architects from Italy]] [[Category:Singers from Italy]] [[Category:People from Lombardy]] tdb0ebtbxf4jxepgnn6upxc5tu9s5uv 0 159288 3778684 3482225 2025-07-14T13:49:53Z UDScott 4304 ±[[Category:Comedians]]→[[Category:Comedians from the United States]]; ±[[Category:Christians]]→[[Category:Christians from the United States]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778684 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:John Goodman by David Shankbone.jpg|thumb|Kids are at my level. I like goofing around with them.]] '''[[w:John Goodman|John Stephen Goodman]]''' (born [[June 20]], [[1952]]) is an American theatre, film and television actor, voice artist, and comedian. Early in his career, he was best known for playing Dan Conner on the television series ''[[Roseanne]]'' (1988–1997), for which he won a [[w:Golden Globe Award for Best Actor - Television Series Musical or Comedy|Best Actor]] [[w:Golden Globe Award|Golden Globe Award]] in 1993. He is also a regular collaborator with the [[w:Coen brothers|Coen brothers]] on such films as ''[[Raising Arizona]]'' (1987), ''[[Barton Fink]]'' (1991), ''[[The Big Lebowski]]'' (1998), ''[[O Brother, Where Art Thou?]]'' (2000), and ''[[Inside Llewyn Davis]]'' (2013). {{actor-stub}} ==Quotes== * Kids are at my level. I like goofing around with them. ** As quoted in [http://www.people.com/people/archive/article/0,,20133084,00.html "Chatter" by Jason Lynch, in ''People'' magazine <!-- , Vol. 54, No. 22 -->(27 November 2000)] * Pardon me for loitering in front of an orchestra. ** As quoted in [http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,626113,00.html "Oprah's Early Father's Day" by Stephen M. Siolverman, in ''People'' magazine (5 May 2003)] * Oops! Sorry! I heard someone say “Roar” so it’s kinda went for it. ** As quoted in [[Monsters University]]. ==External links== {{wikipedia}} * {{imdb name|0000422|name=John Goodman}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Goodman, John}} [[Category:Actors from the United States]] [[Category:Comedians from the United States]] [[Category:Christians from the United States]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:People from Missouri]] [[Category:Primetime Emmy Award winners]] 8dqq2z2emphury4ap65djigq50lt8m2 0 159394 3778744 3643062 2025-07-14T15:44:10Z 160.72.80.178 ''Included quotation by the philosopher [[Robert L. Homes]] from his book 'On War and Morality"~~~~NHPL 3778744 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Castle Romeo.jpg|thumb|If the world does not change course, we risk self-destruction. ~ [[Mohamed ElBaradei]] ]] '''[[w:Destruction|Destruction]]''', or to '''destroy''', refers to<!-- concepts of --> acts or states of [[damage]], [[injury]], or the complete eradication or obliteration of objects, systems, beings or ideas. == Quotes == [[File:Nuclear artillery test Grable Event - Part of Operation Upshot-Knothole.jpg|thumb|right|You cannot seek Destruction and return unscathed. ~ [[Neil Gaiman]] in ''[[The Sandman|The San∂man]]'']] <!-- [[File:Genesis on egg cropped.jpg|thumb|right|The [[bird]] [[fights]] its way out of the [[egg]]. The egg is the [[world]]. Who would be [[born]] must first destroy a world. ~ [[Hermann Hesse]] ]] --> * '''Wilt Thou indeed sweep away the [[righteous]] with the [[Evil|wicked]]? Peradventure there are fifty righteous within the city; wilt Thou indeed sweep away and not forgive the place for the fifty righteous that are therein?''' That be far from Thee to do after this manner, to slay the righteous with the wicked, that so the righteous should be as the wicked; that be far from Thee; shall not the Judge of all the earth do justly? … Behold now, I have taken upon me to speak unto the LORD, who am but dust and ashes. Peradventure there shall lack five of the fifty righteous; wilt Thou destroy all the city for lack of five? … '''Oh, let not the LORD be [[angry]], and I will speak yet but this once. Peradventure ten shall be found there?''' ** [[Abraham]] to the LORD regarding the fate of [[w:Sodom and Gomorrah|Sodom and Gomorrah]], in ''Genesis'' 18:22 - 32 (KJV), after which, it is recorded that the LORD responds: '''I will not destroy it for ten's sake.''' *'''Zorg''': Life, which you so nobly serve, comes from destruction. Look at this empty glass. (Zorg pushes the glass with his finger.) <br> Here it is... peaceful... serene...but if it is... (Zorg pushes the glass off the table. It shatters on the floor.) <br> Destroyed... (Small individual robots, both free-wheeling and integrated, come zipping out to clean up the mess.) <br> Look at all these little things...so busy all of a sudden. Notice how each one is useful. What a lovely ballet, so full of form and color. So full of..life! :'''Cornelius''': They are robots! (A servant comes in pours water in another glass. Zorg tosses a cherry into it.) :'''Zorg''': Yes but... by that simple gesture of destruction. I gave work to at least fifty people today. The engineers, the technicians, the mechanics. Fifty people who will be able to feed their children so they can grow up big and strong. Children who will have children of their own, adding to the great cycle of life! <br> Father, by creating a little destruction, I am, in fact, encouraging life! So, in reality, you and I are in the same business! :'''Cornelius''': Destroying a glass is one thing..killing people with the weapons you produce is quite another. :'''Zorg''': Let me reassure you Father..I will never kill more people in my entire life than religion has killed in the last 2000 years. :* Luc Besson and Robert Mark Kamen, ''[[The Fifth Element]]'', (1997) * We must fight those who are committed to destruction, without replicating their destructiveness. Understanding how to fight in this way is the task and the bind of a nonviolent ethics and politics. ** [[Judith Butler]], {{cite book |title=The Force of Nonviolence: An Ethico-Political Bind |date=4 February 2020 |publisher=Verso Books |isbn=978-1-78873-276-5 |page=64}} * To subdue destruction is one of the most important affirmations of which we are capable in this world. It is the affirmation of this life, bound up with yours, and with the realm of the living: an affirmation caught up with a potential for destruction and its countervailing force. ** [[Judith Butler]], {{cite book |title=The Force of Nonviolence: An Ethico-Political Bind |date=4 February 2020 |publisher=Verso Books |isbn=978-1-78873-276-5 |page=65}} * You [[must]] [[understand]] that it is little rest a [[vampire]] gets on [[earth]], with so many fine young fellows like yourself going about everywhere eager to be destroyed. ** [[James Branch Cabell]], in ''[[w:Jurgen, A Comedy of Justice|Jurgen]]'' (1919), [http://xroads.virginia.edu/~hyper/CABELL/ch37.htm Ch. 37 : Invention of the Lovely Vampire] * '''Countries remain interested in the illicit acquisition of weapons of mass destruction. <br> If we sit idly by, this trend will continue.''' Countries that perceive themselves to be [[vulnerable]] can be expected to try to redress that vulnerability — and in some cases they will pursue clandestine weapons programs. The supply network will grow, making it easier to acquire [[Nuclear weapons|nuclear weapon]] expertise and materials. Eventually, inevitably, terrorists will gain access to [[Nuclear technology|such materials and technology]], if not actual weapons. <br>'''If the world does not change course, we risk self-destruction.''' ** [[Mohamed ElBaradei]], in [http://www.iaea.org/NewsCenter/Statements/2004/ebNYT20040212.html "Saving Ourselves From Self-Destruction" in ''The New York Times'' (12 February 2004)] * '''[[English]] is a [[language]] of mass destruction.''' Lady [[Macbeth]] is a queen of mass destruction. [[King Lear|Lear]] is a king of mass destruction. [[Hamlet]] is a prince of mass destruction. [[Shakespeare]] is a bard of mass destruction. And [[Moby Dick]] is a [[whale]] of mass destruction. Why are you a culture of [[death]] and destruction? '''Why do you obliterate villages, cities, and civilizations with your language of mass destruction?''' Is the destruction worth the destruction? For what purpose did you destroy my language? To impose the sovereignty of your [[rule of law]] with weapons of mass destruction — to then say: — I offer you my lifesaver. Now, we can communicate in the same language. English only, please. ** [[Giannina Braschi]], in ''United States of Banana'' (2011) *it seems reasonable to believe — and I do believe — that the more clearly we can focus our attention on the wonders and realities of the universe about us the less taste we shall have for the destruction of our race. [[Wonder]] and [[humility]] are wholesome emotions, and they do not exist side by side with a lust for destruction. **[[Rachel Carson]] Speech accepting the John Burroughs Medal (April 1952); also in Lost Woods: The Discovered Writing of Rachel Carson (1999) edited by Linda Lear, p. 94 *Perhaps if we reversed the telescope and looked at man down these long vistas, we should find less time and inclination to plan for our own destruction. **[[Rachel Carson]] Acceptance speech of the National Book Award for Nonfiction (1952); also in Lost Woods: The Discovered Writing of Rachel Carson (1999) edited by Linda Lear, p. 91 * '''Men will seem to see new destructions in the sky.''' The flames that fall from it will seem to rise in it and to fly from it with terror. '''They will hear every kind of animals speak in human language. They will instantaneously run in person in various parts of the world, without motion. They will see the greatest splendour in the midst of darkness.''' O! marvel of the human race! What madness has led you thus! '''You will speak with animals of every species and they with you in human speech. You will see yourself fall from great heights without any harm and torrents will accompany you, and will mingle with their rapid course.''' ** [[Leonardo da Vinci]], ''The Notebooks of Leonardo Da Vinci'' (1938), ''XX Humorous Writings'', as translated by Edward MacCurdy. * '''Destruction did not cease with my abandonment of my realm, no more than people would cease to dream should you abandon yours.''' Perhaps it's more uncontrolled, wilder. Perhaps not. But it's no longer anyone's responsibility. ** [[Neil Gaiman]], in lines for Destruction, in ''Sandman'' #48, later in the collection ''[[w:The Sandman: Brief Lives|Brief Lives]]'' * '''You cannot seek Destruction and return unscathed.''' ** [[Neil Gaiman]], in lines for Desire, in ''Sandman'' #49; later in the collection "Brief Lives''" * What difference does it make to the [[Death|dead]], the [[orphans]], and the [[Homelessness|homeless]], whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of [[totalitarianism]] or the holy name of [[liberty]] and [[democracy]]? ** [[Mahatma Gandhi]], ''Non-Violence in Peace and War'', 1942, Vol. 1, Ch. 142 * The work of destruction, speaking generally, goes on not in the light of day, but, metaphorically, in the dark hours of night. ** [[J. E. Casely Hayford]], {{cite book |title={{w|Ethiopia Unbound}}: Studies in Race Emancipation |date=1911 |publisher=C.M. Phillips |page=69}} * It is not nuclear violence alone that is the threat to mankind. It is the willingness to kill our fellow human beings – the innocent as well as the noninnocent- for political ends. Unless we are willing to redirect our time, energy, and resources away from perfecting the means of '''mass destruction''' of whatever sort and into exploring nonviolent alternatives to war itself, our efforts to combat the threat of nuclear war are likely to be of no avail. ** [[Robert L. Holmes]], {{cite book |title=On War and Morality |date=1989 |publisher=Princeton University Press|isbn=0-691-07794-0|url=https://www.google.com/books/edition/On_War_and_Morality/TBoABAAAQBAJ?hl=en&gbpv=1&dq=It+is+not+nuclear+violence+alone+that+is+the+threat+to+mankind.+It+is+the+willingness+to+kill+our+fellow+human+beings+%E2%80%93+the+innocent+as+well+as+the+non+innocent.&pg=PA10&printsec=frontcoverpage=10 |page=10}} *In a time of destruction, create something: a [[poem]], a parade, a community, a school, a vow, a moral principle; one [[peaceful]] moment. **[[Maxine Hong Kingston]] The Fifth Book of Peace (2003) * Ordinary people, simply doing their jobs, and without any particular hostility on their part, can become agents in a terrible destructive process. Moreover, even when the destructive effects of their work become patently clear, and they are asked to carry out actions incompatible with fundamental standards of [[morality]], relatively few people have the resources needed to resist authority ** [[w:Stanley Milgrim|Stanley Milgrim]] ''The Perils of Obedience'' * The [[bird]] fights its way out of the [[egg]]. The egg is the [[world]].''' Who would be born must first destroy a world.''' The bird flies to [[God]]. The God's [[name]] is [[w:Abraxas|Abraxas]]. ** [[Hermann Hesse]], in ''[[w:Demian|Demian]]'' (1919), p. 166 ** Variant translation: '''The bird is struggling out of the egg. The egg is the world.''' Whoever wants to be born must first destroy a world. The bird is flying to God. The name of the God is called Abraxas. *** As translated by W. J. Strachan *Sikander burnt all books the same wise as [[fire]] burns hay. All the scintillating works faced destruction in the same manner that [[lotus]] flowers face with the onset of frosty winter. **About Sikandar Butshikan. Srivara, Zaina Rajtarangini. *All [[powers]] have two sides, the power to [[create]] and the power to [[destroy]]. We must recognize them both, but invest our gifts on the side of creation. **[[Robin Wall Kimmerer]] Braiding Sweetgrass (2013) * '''Do not flinch from [[experiences]] that might destroy your [[beliefs]].''' The [[thought]] you cannot think [[controls]] you more than thoughts you [[speak]] aloud.Submit yourself to ordeals and [[test]] yourself in [[fire]]. Relinquish the [[emotion]] which rests upon a mistaken belief, and seek to [[feel]] fully that [[emotion]] which fits the [[facts]]. If the [[iron]] approaches your [[face]], and you believe it is [[hot]], and it is [[cool]], [[Dharma|the Way]] opposes your [[fear]]. If the iron approaches your face, and you believe it is cool, and it is hot, [[Tao|the Way]] opposes your [[calm]]. '''Evaluate your beliefs first and then arrive at your emotions. Let yourself say: “If the iron is hot, I [[desire]] to believe it is hot, and if it is cool, I desire to believe it is cool.”''' ** [[Eliezer Yudkowsky]], in [http://yudkowsky.net/rational/virtues Twelve Virtues Of Rationality] * [[Ganesha]] the god-maker regarded the [[jungle]] about him. '''Though he walked through the realm of the phantom cats, he feared no evil. For the Lord of [[Chaos]] walked by his side, and the Trident of Destruction comforted him.''' ** [[Roger Zelazny]], in ''[[Lord of Light]]'' (1967), Ch. 5 == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{wiktionary}} [[Category:Themes]] r4mia3hybrtrtb7d4nujobzqh0zd8cr 0 161093 3779055 3777837 2025-07-15T09:41:13Z 2001:8003:DC14:0:FD5D:E728:7CDB:BCED Took you a while to find this one 🤗 3779055 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Janet Yellen official Federal Reserve portrait.jpg|thumb|Economics is a subject that really relates to core aspects of human well-being, and there’s a methodology for thinking about these things. This was a very appealing combination to me.]] '''[[w:Janet Yellen|Janet Louise Yellen]]''' (born August 13, 1946) is an American [[economist]] who served as the [[w:United States Secretary of the Treasury|United States Secretary of the Treasury]] from 2021 to 2025. She was the [[w:Chair of the Federal Reserve|Chair]] of the US central bank, the [[Federal Reserve System]], from 2014 to 2018. She previously served as Vice Chair from 2010 to 2014. {{economist-stub}} == Quotes == * It is imperative that [[Congress]] swiftly addresses the [[Government debt|debt]] [[w:debt limit|limit]] * [Failing to act could spark an economic catastrophe] Nearly 50 million seniors could stop receiving [[Social Security (United States)|Social Security]] checks for a time. [[Troops]] could go unpaid. Millions of families who rely on the monthly [[w:Child tax credit|child tax credit]] could see delays. * In a matter of days, millions of Americans could be strapped for cash.” ** remarks to the [[w:Senate Banking Committee|Senate Banking Committee]] according to "[https://www.cnbc.com/2021/09/28/how-the-debt-ceiling-standoff-could-impact-your-social-security-checks.html?recirc=taboolainternal Here’s what the debt limit standoff means for you] (September 28, 2021) * So, it is not reporting of individual transactions or anything of the like. And it would be a simple thing for banks and other payment providers to provide along with the other information they’re already providing. ** "[https://nypost.com/2021/10/05/janet-yellen-defends-bidens-irs-proposal/ Yellen defends IRS rule requiring banks to report all transactions over $600]" (October 5, 2021) *[<nowiki/>[[Democratic Party (United States)|Democrats]] are considering a new tax] on liquid assets held by extremely wealthy individuals ** "[https://www.cnn.com/videos/politics/2021/10/24/yellen-on-billionaire-tax.cnn Secretary Yellen: How new billionaire tax would work]"+short video (October 24, 2021) * [[The Fed]] has a dual [[w:Mandate (politics)|mandate]] and it is maximum [[employment]] and [[price]] [[stability]]. I think that’s the way it’s phrased in the [[law]] ** '''[https://www.cnbc.com/2022/06/01/yellen-says-the-administration-is-fighting-inflation-admits-she-was-wrong-that-it-was-transitory.html Yellen says the administration is fighting inflation, admits she was wrong that it was 'transitory']''' (PUBLISHED WED, JUN 1 20228:01 AM EDT UPDATED WED, JUN 1 20229:32 AM EDT) == The Hand on the Lever (2014) == [http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2014/07/21/the-hand-on-the-lever "The Hand on the Lever"] in ''The New Yorker'' (July 21, 2014) by Nicholas Lemann * I felt I wanted to talk about the Fed’s mission, and I wanted to do so in understandable terms, and to emphasize that [[unemployment]] is part of our mission. The [[recession]] has taken a particularly heavy toll on those who have less [[education]] and income—middle-income and low-income families—and the [[Federal Reserve|Fed]]’s concern with the job market is a theme I’ve wanted to get across. Why are we doing all these things that are in the newspapers all the time? I was trying to explain that we’re doing this to help American families who are struggling in the aftermath of the Great Recession. * [[Economics]] is a subject that really relates to core aspects of human well-being, and there’s a methodology for thinking about these things. This was a very appealing combination to me. [[Market economy|Market systems]] are capable of massive [[Market failure|breakdowns]] that can result in long, devastating periods of high unemployment. And I felt that economists had really learned something about how to address that. * [<nowiki/>[[New classical economics]]] was the starting point for a rightward shift in economics that went against the idea that monetary policy can improve macroeconomic outcomes. * O.K., so what does standard new classical economics say? You should cut the wages of everybody who works for you. Because there are all the people standing outside the factory gates, and they have the same skill set as the people who work for you. You should at least be willing, according to this view, if not to hire them, to say to your own workers, ‘If you don’t take a pay cut, I’m going to replace you with them.’ But one goes around, actually talks to firms, and you’ll find that no firm would do that. * ''“'''As we proceed, we must remember that its trajectory is not predestined [https://www.internationalintrigue.io/janet-yellens-china-trip-in-five-quotes/]''''' == About == * An outstanding choice. Tough, smart and principled ** [[Elizabeth Warren]] in [https://www.politico.com/news/2020/11/27/progressives-janet-yellen-treasury-440789 TRANSITION 2020 progressives praise Yellen but could soon clash with Biden’s Treasury pick] published November 27, 2020 * Well, what happened, apparently, was that while the Dodd-Frank Act was being rewritten by the [[United States Congress|Congress]], Janet Yellen changed the wording around and she said, “Well, how do we define a general liquidity crisis?” Well, it doesn't mean what you and I mean by a liquidity crisis, meaning the whole economy is illiquid. She said, “If five banks need to borrow, then it's a general liquidity crisis.” Well, the problem, as she points out, is it's the same three big banks, again and again, and again and again. And these are not short-term loans. She points out that they were 14-day loans; there were longer loans. And they were rolled over, not overnight loans, not day-to-day loans, not even week-to-week loans. But month after month, the Fed was pumping money into JP Morgan and Citibank and Goldman. But then she points out that, or at least she told me, that these really weren't Citibank and Morgan Chase; it was to their trading affiliates. Now this is exactly what Dodd-Frank was supposed to prevent.... So I think the reason that the newspapers are going quiet on this is the Fed broke the law. And it wants to continue breaking the law. ** [https://geopoliticaleconomy.substack.com/p/economist-michael-hudson-explains Michael Hudson, quoted by Ben Norton, in Economist Michael Hudson explains inflation crisis and Fed's secretive $4.5 trillion bank bailout, ''Geopolitical Economy Report''] Subtitle: Economist [[Michael Hudson (economist)|Michael Hudson]] discusses the global inflation crisis and how the US Federal Reserve quietly (and apparently illegally) bailed out big banks in 2019 with $4.5 trillion of emergency repo loans (8 Jan 2022) * Yellen has been involved in high-level monetary policy since the Clinton administration. She served as chair of the Council of Economic Advisors, President of the Federal Reserve Bank of San Francisco, Vice Chair of the Federal Reserve, Chair of the Federal Reserve, and the United States Secretary of Treasury. Yellen has participated in some of the largest inflation jumps and dollars printed in the past 25 years, with a 7% increase in 2021 and 6.5% in 2022, YoY. Roughly 6-11% of US dollars are physical, with 90% being digital. ** R. Houck, [https://counter-currents.com/2025/05/george-floyd-fifth-year-anniversary/ Monetary Policy of the United States], May 2025 == External links == {{wikipedia}} * https://twitter.com/SecYellen {{DEFAULTSORT:Yellen, Janet}} [[Category:1946 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:United States Secretaries of the Treasury]] [[Category:Academics from the United States]] [[Category:Economists from the United States]] [[Category:Jews from the United States]] [[Category:People from New York City]] [[Category:Women politicians in the United States]] [[Category:Brown University alumni]] [[Category:Chairs of the Council of Economic Advisors]] [[Category:Chairs of the Federal Reserve]] [[Category:Women born in the 1940s]] ba9xigmouul6r9v9pdmwtz5tdxeg1d1 3779056 3779055 2025-07-15T09:41:41Z 2001:8003:DC14:0:FD5D:E728:7CDB:BCED 3779056 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Janet Yellen official Federal Reserve portrait.jpg|thumb|Economics is a subject that really relates to core aspects of human well-being, and there’s a methodology for thinking about these things. This was a very appealing combination to me.]] '''[[w:Janet Yellen|Janet Louise Yellen]]''' (born August 13, 1946) is a Jewish-American [[economist]] who served as the [[w:United States Secretary of the Treasury|United States Secretary of the Treasury]] from 2021 to 2025. She was the [[w:Chair of the Federal Reserve|Chair]] of the US central bank, the [[Federal Reserve System]], from 2014 to 2018. She previously served as Vice Chair from 2010 to 2014. {{economist-stub}} == Quotes == * It is imperative that [[Congress]] swiftly addresses the [[Government debt|debt]] [[w:debt limit|limit]] * [Failing to act could spark an economic catastrophe] Nearly 50 million seniors could stop receiving [[Social Security (United States)|Social Security]] checks for a time. [[Troops]] could go unpaid. Millions of families who rely on the monthly [[w:Child tax credit|child tax credit]] could see delays. * In a matter of days, millions of Americans could be strapped for cash.” ** remarks to the [[w:Senate Banking Committee|Senate Banking Committee]] according to "[https://www.cnbc.com/2021/09/28/how-the-debt-ceiling-standoff-could-impact-your-social-security-checks.html?recirc=taboolainternal Here’s what the debt limit standoff means for you] (September 28, 2021) * So, it is not reporting of individual transactions or anything of the like. And it would be a simple thing for banks and other payment providers to provide along with the other information they’re already providing. ** "[https://nypost.com/2021/10/05/janet-yellen-defends-bidens-irs-proposal/ Yellen defends IRS rule requiring banks to report all transactions over $600]" (October 5, 2021) *[<nowiki/>[[Democratic Party (United States)|Democrats]] are considering a new tax] on liquid assets held by extremely wealthy individuals ** "[https://www.cnn.com/videos/politics/2021/10/24/yellen-on-billionaire-tax.cnn Secretary Yellen: How new billionaire tax would work]"+short video (October 24, 2021) * [[The Fed]] has a dual [[w:Mandate (politics)|mandate]] and it is maximum [[employment]] and [[price]] [[stability]]. I think that’s the way it’s phrased in the [[law]] ** '''[https://www.cnbc.com/2022/06/01/yellen-says-the-administration-is-fighting-inflation-admits-she-was-wrong-that-it-was-transitory.html Yellen says the administration is fighting inflation, admits she was wrong that it was 'transitory']''' (PUBLISHED WED, JUN 1 20228:01 AM EDT UPDATED WED, JUN 1 20229:32 AM EDT) == The Hand on the Lever (2014) == [http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2014/07/21/the-hand-on-the-lever "The Hand on the Lever"] in ''The New Yorker'' (July 21, 2014) by Nicholas Lemann * I felt I wanted to talk about the Fed’s mission, and I wanted to do so in understandable terms, and to emphasize that [[unemployment]] is part of our mission. The [[recession]] has taken a particularly heavy toll on those who have less [[education]] and income—middle-income and low-income families—and the [[Federal Reserve|Fed]]’s concern with the job market is a theme I’ve wanted to get across. Why are we doing all these things that are in the newspapers all the time? I was trying to explain that we’re doing this to help American families who are struggling in the aftermath of the Great Recession. * [[Economics]] is a subject that really relates to core aspects of human well-being, and there’s a methodology for thinking about these things. This was a very appealing combination to me. [[Market economy|Market systems]] are capable of massive [[Market failure|breakdowns]] that can result in long, devastating periods of high unemployment. And I felt that economists had really learned something about how to address that. * [<nowiki/>[[New classical economics]]] was the starting point for a rightward shift in economics that went against the idea that monetary policy can improve macroeconomic outcomes. * O.K., so what does standard new classical economics say? You should cut the wages of everybody who works for you. Because there are all the people standing outside the factory gates, and they have the same skill set as the people who work for you. You should at least be willing, according to this view, if not to hire them, to say to your own workers, ‘If you don’t take a pay cut, I’m going to replace you with them.’ But one goes around, actually talks to firms, and you’ll find that no firm would do that. * ''“'''As we proceed, we must remember that its trajectory is not predestined [https://www.internationalintrigue.io/janet-yellens-china-trip-in-five-quotes/]''''' == About == * An outstanding choice. Tough, smart and principled ** [[Elizabeth Warren]] in [https://www.politico.com/news/2020/11/27/progressives-janet-yellen-treasury-440789 TRANSITION 2020 progressives praise Yellen but could soon clash with Biden’s Treasury pick] published November 27, 2020 * Well, what happened, apparently, was that while the Dodd-Frank Act was being rewritten by the [[United States Congress|Congress]], Janet Yellen changed the wording around and she said, “Well, how do we define a general liquidity crisis?” Well, it doesn't mean what you and I mean by a liquidity crisis, meaning the whole economy is illiquid. She said, “If five banks need to borrow, then it's a general liquidity crisis.” Well, the problem, as she points out, is it's the same three big banks, again and again, and again and again. And these are not short-term loans. She points out that they were 14-day loans; there were longer loans. And they were rolled over, not overnight loans, not day-to-day loans, not even week-to-week loans. But month after month, the Fed was pumping money into JP Morgan and Citibank and Goldman. But then she points out that, or at least she told me, that these really weren't Citibank and Morgan Chase; it was to their trading affiliates. Now this is exactly what Dodd-Frank was supposed to prevent.... So I think the reason that the newspapers are going quiet on this is the Fed broke the law. And it wants to continue breaking the law. ** [https://geopoliticaleconomy.substack.com/p/economist-michael-hudson-explains Michael Hudson, quoted by Ben Norton, in Economist Michael Hudson explains inflation crisis and Fed's secretive $4.5 trillion bank bailout, ''Geopolitical Economy Report''] Subtitle: Economist [[Michael Hudson (economist)|Michael Hudson]] discusses the global inflation crisis and how the US Federal Reserve quietly (and apparently illegally) bailed out big banks in 2019 with $4.5 trillion of emergency repo loans (8 Jan 2022) * Yellen has been involved in high-level monetary policy since the Clinton administration. She served as chair of the Council of Economic Advisors, President of the Federal Reserve Bank of San Francisco, Vice Chair of the Federal Reserve, Chair of the Federal Reserve, and the United States Secretary of Treasury. Yellen has participated in some of the largest inflation jumps and dollars printed in the past 25 years, with a 7% increase in 2021 and 6.5% in 2022, YoY. Roughly 6-11% of US dollars are physical, with 90% being digital. ** R. Houck, [https://counter-currents.com/2025/05/george-floyd-fifth-year-anniversary/ Monetary Policy of the United States], May 2025 == External links == {{wikipedia}} * https://twitter.com/SecYellen {{DEFAULTSORT:Yellen, Janet}} [[Category:1946 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:United States Secretaries of the Treasury]] [[Category:Academics from the United States]] [[Category:Economists from the United States]] [[Category:Jews from the United States]] [[Category:People from New York City]] [[Category:Women politicians in the United States]] [[Category:Brown University alumni]] [[Category:Chairs of the Council of Economic Advisors]] [[Category:Chairs of the Federal Reserve]] [[Category:Women born in the 1940s]] divi427boop8v4l9a35g945vyahasqb 0 162640 3778722 2862702 2025-07-14T14:05:54Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Comedians]]; added [[Category:Comedians from England]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778722 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:The Dangerous Brothers|The Dangerous Brothers]]''' was a stage and TV act by comedy duo Rik Mayall and Ade Edmondson, performing respectively as "Richard Dangerous" and "Sir Adrian Dangerous". == Quotes == :'''Sir Adrian:''' Dynamite down the pants, explodo! <hr width=50%/> :'''Richard Dangerous:''' Unusually dangerous, I trust you'll agree. <hr width=50%/> :''[While riding a bike.]'' :'''Sir Adrian:''' I have got no brakes! I have got no brakes! I have got no brakes! :''[Crash.]'' :'''Richard Dangerous:''' Are you alright, Sir Adrian? :'''Sir Adrian:''' No! <hr width=50%/> :'''Richard Dangerous:''' You mess this up and I'll kill your budgie. :'''Sir Adrian:''' You kill my budgie and I'll pull your head off! :'''Richard Dangerous:''' You pull my head off and I'll go to the newspapers about your strange problem. :'''Sir Adrian:''' You won't be able to find the newspapers, will you? Coz you won't have a head! :'''Richard Dangerous:''' Well, I shouldn't think you'd be good at pulling people's heads off in the first place if you've just hurled yourself off this strange and interesting office building. :'''Sir Adrian:''' Well, I might pay someone to do it! Mightn't I? :'''Richard Dangerous:''' With what?! I look after the money... have you been stealing money off me? :'''Sir Adrian:''' No... no. Well, only a bit. And I've hardly killed anyone! I wouldn't have to pay a hit man to kill you coz I could grant him sexual favours. :'''Richard Dangerous:''' ''(laughs)'' Sexual favours, like what? Strawberry? Lime and grapefruit? :'''Sir Adrian:''' No, no, that's sexual flavours. I meant favours. I could come up and say; ''"hello, Mr. hit man. If you pull off the head of Richard Dangerous, I will promise never ever, ever to get in your bed and do squidgy things with you."'' :'''Richard Dangerous:''' Alright then. I won't kill your budgie. :'''Sir Adrian:''' Ok. I won't pull off your head. <hr width=50%/> :'''Richard Dangerous:''' So you wanna play dirty, do you? :'''Sir Adrian:''' Yes, I do! But I think we better finish the show first. <hr width=50%/> :'''Sir Adrian:''' Wait, wait. Nobody, but nobody slaps Sir Adrian about the face. :'''Richard Dangerous:''' Oh, yeah?! :'''Sir Adrian:''' Oh, yeah! :'''Richard Dangerous:''' Alright, then. Get this! :''[Twists the crotch of his trousers.]'' :'''Sir Adrian:''' But a lot of people scrunch me in the doobles. <hr width=50%/> :'''Sir Adrian:''' Naughty! :'''Richard Dangerous:''' Naughty, but nice! <hr width=50%/> :''[Richard kicks Sir Adrian in the crotch and a metal clanging sound is heard.]'' :'''Richard Dangerous:''' What have you got down there?! :'''Sir Adrian:''' My testicles. <hr width=50%/> :'''Richard Dangerous:''' This week ladies and gentlemen, this week it's Crocodile Snogging! :'''Sir Adrian:''' HA! HA! HA! HA! Crocodile Snogging! ''(To Richard)'' We haven't got a crocodile. :'''Richard Dangerous:''' Ah ha! Crocodile Snogging! ''(To Sir Adrian)'' You're gonna have to disguise yourself as a crocodile and I'll snog with you. :'''Sir Adrian:''' Ha! Ha! Ha!... Oh, don't try that one again. :'''Richard Dangerous:''' Look, there are a lot of people out there who paid a lot of money to see a lot of crocodile snogging. Now will you please just grow up! Disguise yourself as a crocodile and make it snappy! <hr width=50%/> :'''Richard Dangerous:''' Good evening. Well, we've all got one thing in common, haven't we? It's Saturday night. But not only that it's also Wednesday night!... Sorry, I dunno why I said that. :'''Sir Adrian:''' Coz you're stupid, that's why. <hr width=50%/> :''[Talking about torture.]'' :'''Richard Dangerous:''' Does it really hurt? :'''Sir Adrian:''' Yes, it bloody does! <hr width=50%/> :'''Richard Dangerous:''' And now a much more fashionable and much more effective torture these days, ladies and gentlemen is of course torture by electricity... :''[Sir Adrian kicks Richard in the crotch and he falls to the ground.]'' :'''Sir Adrian:''' That was a surprise kick in the goolies! <hr width=50%/> :'''Clive''': Oh, that was fantastic and now I'm pregnant. :'''Sir Adrian:''' What d'ya mean?! I haven't even touched you yet! :'''Clive:''' Yeah, well you try telling that to the judge in court you... stu... you... what's the rudest thing I can say on television? :'''Sir Adrian & Richard Dangerous:''' Bloody... big job. :'''Clive:''' Yeah, well you try telling that to the judge in court you bloody farty big jobs! : ''[Police sirens are heard and a policeman runs on set.]'' :'''Policeman:''' Alright! Who said "bloody farty big jobs"? :'''Sir Adrian & Richard Dangerous:''' You did! :'''Policeman:''' Did I? Right then, I'm nicked. <hr width=50%/> :'''Richard Dangerous:''' That's what the punters want, isn't it? More sex and more violence! :''[Audience cheers.]'' :'''Richard Dangerous:''' See? Fifteen primary school children can't be wrong! <hr width=50%/> :'''Stephen Fry:''' You've ruined an extremely funny flower arranging set. You've been banned because you're too sexy and too violent, and if you don't get out we'll arrange you! :'''Sir Adrian:''' I'll bloody rearrange you in a moment, matey! <hr width=50%/> :'''Sir Adrian & Richard Dangerous:''' Blahdey, blahdey, blah! Thatcher's Britain. Whoops! A bit of politics there! My name's Ben Elton, goodnight! ==External links== {{wikipedia|The Dangerous Brothers}} [[Category:Comedians from England]] 3uww0v838fsax7n0rt89muglg63grjm 0 164157 3778659 3456226 2025-07-14T13:38:34Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Comedians]]; added [[Category:Comedians from France]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778659 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Maurice Chevalier 1934.JPG|thumb|Chevalier in 1934]] '''[[w:Maurice Chevalier|Maurice Auguste Chevalier]]''' ([[12 September]] [[1888]] &ndash; [[1 January]] [[1972]]) was a [[w:Cinema of France|French actor]], [[w:Music of France|Cabaret singer]] and entertainer. He is perhaps best known for his signature songs, including "Louise", "Mimi", "Valentine", and "[[w:Thank Heaven for Little Girls|Thank Heaven for Little Girls]]" and for his films, including ''[[w:The Love Parade|The Love Parade]]'' and ''[[w:The Big Pond|The Big Pond]]''. His trademark attire was a [[w:Boater|boater hat]], which he always wore on stage with a [[w:Tuxedo|tuxedo]]. {{actor-stub}} == Quotes == * Old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternative. ** Quoted in [[w:This Week (magazine)|This Week magazine]], [http://pqasb.pqarchiver.com/latimes/doc/167723755.html 15 May 1960] == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Chevalier, Maurice}} [[Category:Actors from France]] [[Category:Singers from France]] [[Category:Comedians from France]] [[Category:People from Paris]] [[Category:1888 births]] [[Category:1972 deaths]] [[Category:Tony Award winners]] mdczpocwnbxu8l33kcabjlvb2rjrklk 0 175613 3778695 3236349 2025-07-14T13:53:41Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Comedians]]; added [[Category:Comedians from the United Kingdom]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778695 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Herbert Lom|Herbert Lom]]''' (11 September 1917 - 27 September 2012) was a Czech-born British film and television actor who moved to the United Kingdom in 1939. In a career lasting more than 60 years, he appeared in character roles, usually portraying villains early in his career and professional men in later years. {{actor-stub}} == Quotes == * [On the Pink Panther films] I had a scene with Peter [Sellers] in my office. He said something like, "Don't worry chief, I'll settle it," and gave me an encouraging wink. So I started winking out of nervousness, and couldn't stop. It wasn't in the script but [[w:Blake Edwards|Blake Edwards]] [the director] loved it. But it became a problem. '''I made those films for 20 years, and after 10 years they ran out of good scripts.''' They used to say to me, "Herbert, wink here, wink." And I said, "I'm not going to wink. You write a good scene and I won't have to wink." * Peter [Sellers] was always a mixed-up guy, a childish fellow. But if you're fond of children, you're also fond of childish men. He was always very helpful to me. After he was famous, and when I was still in trouble with the US embassy, he wrote a letter in support of me which was magnificent. But it is true that he was very cruel to his children. He was so hurt by the way children treat you when you're their father. I have been hurt by my children. But he was not in possession of a proper brain when it came to these things. ** Interviewed by Brian Viner [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/profiles/herbert-lom-the-odd-fellow-687501.html "Herbert Lom: The Odd Fellow"] in ''The Independent'' (18 December 2004) == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Lom, Herbert}} [[Category:1917 births]] [[Category:2012 deaths]] [[Category:Actors from the United Kingdom]] [[Category:Comedians from the United Kingdom]] [[Category:Novelists from the United Kingdom]] [[Category:People from Prague]] 085dvx2lvhr3n71qq6cy0vg8coghkgw 0 176208 3778771 3777939 2025-07-14T18:11:16Z 148.252.144.63 3778771 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Extra Credits|Extra Credits]]''''' is a [[w:video lesson|video lesson]] [[w:web series|series]] presented by game designer James Portnow, animator/narrator Daniel Floyd, and artists Allison Theus, Elisa "LeeLee" Scaldaferri, Scott DeWitt, and Dan Jones. ==Transcript== :(''The shapes are snoring, saying "Zzz!" on his shelf''.) :'''Narrator''': Who's that snoring? :(''Mister Maker walks footsteps''.) :'''Mister Maker''': These are The Shapes. :(''The shapes are snoring again''.) :'''Narrator''': Aww, they're asleep. :'''Mister Maker''': I've got an idea. :(''Mister Maker runs and his feather duster''.) :'''Mister Maker''': Let's wake them up! :(''Mister Maker his feather duster stirred a wake up Rectangle''.) :'''Rectangle''': Zzz. Huh, wha, huh! Ha, ohh! :'''Mister Maker''': Come on, it's time for a puzzle. :(''Mister Maker his feather duster stirred a wake up Square''.) :'''Square''': Pah, pah! Pffft, pffft! :(''Mister Maker his feather duster stirred a wake up Triangle''.) :'''Triangle''': Uh, ohh! Ah! Ah! :(''And Mister Maker his feather duster stirred a wake up Circle''). :'''Circle''': Way hey, hey, eh-heh! Hey! :'''Mister Maker''': Take it away! :(''Mister Maker he waves his feather duster and walking footsteps again''.) :'''Circle''': Whoa! Hey! Oh, yeah! :(''The Shapes are going down and screaming''.) :'''All Shapes''': Whoaaa! Oh, no! Wheee! Wowwwww! :(''The Shapes are dancing''.) :'''All Shapes''': 🎵 I am a shape, la-la-la-la! (4x) 🎵 :'''Circle''': I am a circle! :'''Triangle''': I am a triangle! :'''Square''': I am a square! :'''Rectangle''': I am a rectangle! :'''All Shapes''': 🎵 I am a shape! 🎵 :'''Rectangle''': I am a rectangle! <hr width="50%"/> :(''The scarecrow and a bird a picture''.) :'''Narrator''': It's a Scarecrow! :(''Rectangle yellow lines out''.) :'''Narrator''': It's a scarecrow. Well done, Rectangle. Now it's time to go! Get back! On! The! Shelf! :(''The Shapes are going up and screaming''.) :'''All Shapes''': Wheeeeeee-heh-heh! Oh, hee-hee-hee! Ha-ha-ha! Whoo, whoo, whoo! :(''The Shapes are sleep goodnight''.) :'''Circle''': Heh-heh-hee-hee-hee! :'''Triangle''': Oh, dear, eeee… Ah! :'''Circle''': Oooh… :'''Square''': Zzz. :'''Triangle''': Ahhh, abdabdabdab. :'''Rectangle''': Hmmm. ==External links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:Internet shows]] ra6o5fqsw95618ty52yzn42g445v5yp 3778772 3778771 2025-07-14T18:11:36Z 148.252.144.63 3778772 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Extra Credits|Extra Credits]]''''' is a [[w:video lesson|video lesson]] [[w:web series|series]] presented by game designer James Portnow, animator/narrator Daniel Floyd, and artists Allison Theus, Elisa "LeeLee" Scaldaferri, Scott DeWitt, and Dan Jones. ==Transcript== :(''The shapes are snoring, saying "Zzz!" on his shelf''.) :'''Narrator''': Who's that snoring? :(''Mister Maker walks footsteps''.) :'''Mister Maker''': These are The Shapes. :(''The shapes are snoring again''.) :'''Narrator''': Aww, they're asleep. :'''Mister Maker''': I've got an idea. :(''Mister Maker runs and his feather duster''.) :'''Mister Maker''': Let's wake them up! :(''Mister Maker his feather duster stirred a wake up Rectangle''.) :'''Rectangle''': Zzz. Huh, wha, huh! Ha, ohh! :'''Mister Maker''': Come on, it's time for a puzzle. :(''Mister Maker his feather duster stirred a wake up Square''.) :'''Square''': Pah, pah! Pffft, pffft! :(''Mister Maker his feather duster stirred a wake up Triangle''.) :'''Triangle''': Uh, ohh! Ah! Ah! :(''And Mister Maker his feather duster stirred a wake up Circle''). :'''Circle''': Way hey, hey, eh-heh! Hey! :'''Mister Maker''': Take it away! :(''Mister Maker he waves his feather duster and walking footsteps again''.) :'''Circle''': Whoa! Hey! Oh, yeah! :(''The Shapes are going down and screaming''.) :'''All Shapes''': Whoaaa! Oh, no! Wheee! Wowwwww! :(''The Shapes are dancing''.) :'''All Shapes''': 🎵 I am a shape, la-la-la-la! (4x) 🎵 :'''Circle''': I am a circle! :'''Triangle''': I am a triangle! :'''Square''': I am a square! :'''Rectangle''': I am a rectangle! :'''All Shapes''': 🎵 I am a shape! 🎵 :'''Rectangle''': I am a rectangle! <hr width="50%"/> :(''The scarecrow and a bird a picture''.) :'''Narrator''': It's a Scarecrow. :(''Rectangle yellow lines out''.) :'''Narrator''': Well done, Rectangle. Now it's time to go! Get back! On! The! Shelf! :(''The Shapes are going up and screaming''.) :'''All Shapes''': Wheeeeeee-heh-heh! Oh, hee-hee-hee! Ha-ha-ha! Whoo, whoo, whoo! :(''The Shapes are sleep goodnight''.) :'''Circle''': Heh-heh-hee-hee-hee! :'''Triangle''': Oh, dear, eeee… Ah! :'''Circle''': Oooh… :'''Square''': Zzz. :'''Triangle''': Ahhh, abdabdabdab. :'''Rectangle''': Hmmm. ==External links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:Internet shows]] ra9dcz45eq73nfmd168ztszhjeq0otl 3778779 3778772 2025-07-14T18:15:18Z 148.252.144.63 /* Transcript */ 3778779 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Extra Credits|Extra Credits]]''''' is a [[w:video lesson|video lesson]] [[w:web series|series]] presented by game designer James Portnow, animator/narrator Daniel Floyd, and artists Allison Theus, Elisa "LeeLee" Scaldaferri, Scott DeWitt, and Dan Jones. ==Transcript== :(''The shapes are snoring, saying "Zzz!" on his shelf''.) :'''Narrator''': Who's that snoring? :(''Mister Maker walks footsteps''.) :'''Mister Maker''': These are The Shapes. :(''The shapes are snoring again''.) :'''Narrator''': Aww, they're asleep. :'''Mister Maker''': I've got an idea. :(''Mister Maker runs and his feather duster''.) :'''Mister Maker''': Let's wake them up! :(''Mister Maker his feather duster stirred a wake up Rectangle''.) :'''Rectangle''': Zzz. Huh, wha, huh! Ha, ohh! :'''Mister Maker''': Come on, it's time for a puzzle. :(''Mister Maker his feather duster stirred a wake up Square''.) :'''Square''': Pah, pah! Pffft, pffft! :(''Mister Maker his feather duster stirred a wake up Triangle''.) :'''Triangle''': Uh, ohh! Ah! Ah! :(''And Mister Maker his feather duster stirred a wake up Circle''). :'''Circle''': Way hey, hey, eh-heh! Hey! :'''Mister Maker''': Take it away! :(''Mister Maker he waves his feather duster and walking footsteps again''.) :'''Circle''': Whoa! Hey! Oh, yeah! Yes! :(''The Shapes are going down and screaming''.) :'''Square''': <big><big>'''''WHOOOAAAAAAA!!!!!!'''''</big></big> :(''The Shapes are dancing''.) :'''All Shapes''': 🎵 I am a shape, la-la-la-la! (4x) 🎵 :'''Circle''': I am a circle! :'''Triangle''': I am a triangle! :'''Square''': I am a square! :'''Rectangle''': I am a rectangle! :'''All Shapes''': 🎵 I am a shape! 🎵 :'''Rectangle''': I am a rectangle! <hr width="50%"/> :(''The scarecrow and a bird a picture''.) :'''Narrator''': It's a Scarecrow. :(''Rectangle yellow lines out''.) :'''Narrator''': Well done, Rectangle. Now it's time to go! Get back! On! The! Shelf! :(''The Shapes are going up and screaming''.) :'''All Shapes''': Wheeeeeee-heh-heh! Oh, hee-hee-hee! Ha-ha-ha! Whoo, whoo, whoo! :(''The Shapes are sleep goodnight''.) :'''Circle''': Heh-heh-hee-hee-hee! :'''Triangle''': Oh, dear, eeee… Ah! :'''Circle''': Oooh… :'''Square''': Zzz. :'''Triangle''': Ahhh, abdabdabdab. :'''Rectangle''': Hmmm. ==External links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:Internet shows]] f3ucacqbr3w41ny4ko7vfged7lmdpf5 3778782 3778779 2025-07-14T18:17:32Z 148.252.144.63 /* Transcript */ 3778782 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Extra Credits|Extra Credits]]''''' is a [[w:video lesson|video lesson]] [[w:web series|series]] presented by game designer James Portnow, animator/narrator Daniel Floyd, and artists Allison Theus, Elisa "LeeLee" Scaldaferri, Scott DeWitt, and Dan Jones. ==Transcript== :(''The shapes are snoring, saying "Zzz!" on his shelf''.) :'''Narrator''': Who's that snoring? :(''Mister Maker walks footsteps''.) :'''Mister Maker''': These are The Shapes. :(''The shapes are snoring again''.) :'''Narrator''': Aww, they're asleep. :'''Mister Maker''': I've got an idea. :(''Mister Maker runs and his feather duster''.) :'''Mister Maker''': Let's wake them up! :(''Mister Maker his feather duster stirred a wake up Rectangle''.) :'''Rectangle''': Zzz. Huh, wha, huh! Ha, ohh! :'''Mister Maker''': Come on, it's time for a puzzle. :(''Mister Maker his feather duster stirred a wake up Square''.) :'''Square''': Pah, pah! Pffft, pffft! :(''Mister Maker his feather duster stirred a wake up Triangle''.) :'''Triangle''': Uh, ohh! Ah! Ah! :(''And Mister Maker his feather duster stirred a wake up Circle''). :'''Circle''': Way hey, hey, eh-heh! Hey! :'''Mister Maker''': Take it away! :(''Mister Maker he waves his feather duster and walking footsteps again''.) :'''Circle''': Whoa! Hey! Oh, yeah! Yes! :(''The Shapes are going down and screaming''.) :'''Square''': Whoaaaaa! Whaaaaaaa! :(''The Shapes are dancing''.) :'''All Shapes''': 🎵 I am a shape, la-la-la-la! (4x) 🎵 :'''Circle''': I am a circle! :'''Triangle''': I am a triangle! :'''Square''': I am a square! :'''Rectangle''': I am a rectangle! :'''All Shapes''': 🎵 I am a shape! 🎵 :'''Rectangle''': I am a rectangle! <hr width="50%"/> :(''The scarecrow and a bird a picture''.) :'''Narrator''': It's a Scarecrow. :(''Rectangle yellow lines out''.) :'''Narrator''': Well done, Rectangle. Now it's time to go! Get back! On! The! Shelf! :(''The Shapes are going up and screaming''.) :'''All Shapes''': Wheeeeeee-heh-heh! Oh, hee-hee-hee! Ha-ha-ha! Whoo, whoo, whoo! :(''The Shapes are sleep goodnight''.) :'''Circle''': Heh-heh-hee-hee-hee! :'''Triangle''': Oh, dear, eeee… Ah! :'''Circle''': Oooh… :'''Square''': Zzz. :'''Triangle''': Ahhh, abdabdabdab. :'''Rectangle''': Hmmm. ==External links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:Internet shows]] gmt08x3nocz4i5f7eg808q8hhre43r5 3778792 3778782 2025-07-14T18:34:53Z 148.252.144.63 /* Transcript */ 3778792 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Extra Credits|Extra Credits]]''''' is a [[w:video lesson|video lesson]] [[w:web series|series]] presented by game designer James Portnow, animator/narrator Daniel Floyd, and artists Allison Theus, Elisa "LeeLee" Scaldaferri, Scott DeWitt, and Dan Jones. ==Transcript== :(''The shapes are snoring, saying "Zzz!" on his shelf''.) :'''Narrator''': Who's that snoring? :(''Mister Maker walks footsteps''.) :'''Mister Maker''': These are The Shapes. :(''The shapes are snoring again''.) :'''Narrator''': Aww, they're asleep. :'''Mister Maker''': I've got an idea. :(''Mister Maker runs and his feather duster''.) :'''Mister Maker''': Let's wake them up! :(''Mister Maker his feather duster stirred a wake up Rectangle''.) :'''Rectangle''': Zzz. Huh, wha, huh! Ha, ohh! :'''Mister Maker''': Come on, it's time for a puzzle. :(''Mister Maker his feather duster stirred a wake up Square''.) :'''Square''': Pah, pah! Pffft, pffft! :(''Mister Maker his feather duster stirred a wake up Triangle''.) :'''Triangle''': Uh, ohh! Ah! Ah! :(''And Mister Maker his feather duster stirred a wake up Circle''). :'''Circle''': Way hey, hey, eh-heh! Hey! :'''Mister Maker''': Take it away! :(''Mister Maker he waves his feather duster and walking footsteps again''.) :'''Circle''': Whoa! Hey! Oh, yeah! Yes! :(''The Shapes are going down and screaming''.) :'''Square''': Whoaaaaa! Whaaaaaaa! :(''The Shapes are dancing''.) :'''All Shapes''': 🎵 I am a shape, la-la-la-la! (4x) 🎵 :'''Circle''': I am a circle! :'''Triangle''': I am a triangle! :'''Square''': I am a square! :'''Rectangle''': I am a rectangle! :'''All Shapes''': 🎵 I am a shape! 🎵 :'''Rectangle''': I am a rectangle! <hr width="50%"/> :(''The scarecrow and a bird a jigsaw all the pieces''.) :(''The scarecrow and a bird a picture''.) :'''Narrator''': It's a Scarecrow. :(''Rectangle yellow lines out''.) :'''Narrator''': Well done, Rectangle. Now it's time to go! Get back! On! The! Shelf! :(''The Shapes are going up and screaming''.) :'''All Shapes''': Wheeeeeee-heh-heh! Oh, hee-hee-hee! Ha-ha-ha! Whoo, whoo, whoo! :(''The Shapes are sleep goodnight''.) :'''Circle''': Heh-heh-hee-hee-hee! :'''Triangle''': Oh, dear, eeee… Ah! :'''Circle''': Oooh… :'''Square''': Zzz. :'''Triangle''': Ahhh, abdabdabdab. :'''Rectangle''': Hmmm. ==External links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:Internet shows]] jro8iuj2rhmroza0gtymikrt4nd1dqu 3778795 3778792 2025-07-14T18:38:26Z 148.252.144.63 3778795 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Extra Credits|Extra Credits]]''''' is a [[w:video lesson|video lesson]] [[w:web series|series]] presented by game designer James Portnow, animator/narrator Daniel Floyd, and artists Allison Theus, Elisa "LeeLee" Scaldaferri, Scott DeWitt, and Dan Jones. ==Transcript== :(''The shapes are snoring, saying "Zzz!" on his shelf''.) :'''Narrator''': Who's that snoring? :(''Mister Maker walks footsteps''.) :'''Mister Maker''': These are The Shapes. :(''The shapes are snoring again''.) :'''Narrator''': Aww, they're asleep. :'''Mister Maker''': I've got an idea. :(''Mister Maker runs and his feather duster''.) :'''Mister Maker''': Let's wake them up! :(''Mister Maker his feather duster stirred a wake up Rectangle''.) :'''Rectangle''': Zzz. Huh, wha, huh! Ha, ohh! :'''Mister Maker''': Come on, it's time for a puzzle. :(''Mister Maker his feather duster stirred a wake up Square''.) :'''Square''': Pah, pah! Pffft, pffft! :(''Mister Maker his feather duster stirred a wake up Triangle''.) :'''Triangle''': Uh, ohh! Ah! Ah! :(''And Mister Maker his feather duster stirred a wake up Circle''). :'''Circle''': Way hey, hey, eh-heh! Hey! :'''Mister Maker''': Take it away! :(''Mister Maker he waves his feather duster and walking footsteps again''.) :'''Circle''': Whoa! Hey! Oh, yeah! Yes! :(''The Shapes are going down and screaming''.) :'''Square''': Whoaaaaa! Whaaaaaaa! :(''The Shapes are dancing''.) :'''All Shapes''': 🎵 I am a shape, la-la-la-la! (4x) 🎵 :'''Circle''': I am a circle! :'''Triangle''': I am a triangle! :'''Square''': I am a square! :'''Rectangle''': I am a rectangle! :'''All Shapes''': 🎵 I am a shape! 🎵 :'''Rectangle''': I am a rectangle! :(''Rectangle yellow lines zoomed in and out. The blue screen background''.) :'''Narrator''': What's hiding in the rectangles. :(''The scarecrow and a bird a jigsaw all the pieces''.) :'''Narrator''': Can you see what it is? :(''The scarecrow and a bird a picture''.) :'''Narrator''': It's a Scarecrow. :(''Rectangle yellow lines zoomed in and out again''.) :'''Narrator''': Well done, Rectangle. Now it's time to go! Get back! On! The! Shelf! :(''The Shapes are going up and screaming''.) :'''All Shapes''': Wheeeeeee-heh-heh! Oh, hee-hee-hee! Ha-ha-ha! Whoo, whoo, whoo! :(''The Shapes are sleep goodnight''.) :'''Circle''': Heh-heh-hee-hee-hee! :'''Triangle''': Oh, dear, eeee… Ah! :'''Circle''': Oooh… :'''Square''': Zzz. :'''Triangle''': Ahhh, abdabdabdab. :'''Rectangle''': Hmmm. ==External links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:Internet shows]] iqbvvgwnj8h7389ogohpkudigeoa0gp 3778797 3778795 2025-07-14T18:41:05Z 148.252.144.63 3778797 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Extra Credits|Extra Credits]]''''' is a [[w:video lesson|video lesson]] [[w:web series|series]] presented by game designer James Portnow, animator/narrator Daniel Floyd, and artists Allison Theus, Elisa "LeeLee" Scaldaferri, Scott DeWitt, and Dan Jones. ==Transcript== :(''The shapes are snoring, saying "Zzz!" on his shelf''.) :'''Narrator''': Who's that snoring? :(''Mister Maker walks footsteps''.) :'''Mister Maker''': These are The Shapes. :(''The shapes are snoring again''.) :'''Narrator''': Aww, they're asleep. :'''Mister Maker''': I've got an idea. :(''Mister Maker runs and his feather duster''.) :'''Mister Maker''': Let's wake them up! :(''Mister Maker his feather duster stirred a wake up Rectangle''.) :'''Rectangle''': Zzz. Huh, wha, huh! Ha, ohh! :'''Mister Maker''': Come on, it's time for a puzzle. :(''Mister Maker his feather duster stirred a wake up Square''.) :'''Square''': Pah, pah! Pffft, pffft! :(''Mister Maker his feather duster stirred a wake up Triangle''.) :'''Triangle''': Uh, ohh! Ah! Ah! :(''And Mister Maker his feather duster stirred a wake up Circle''). :'''Circle''': Way hey, hey, eh-heh! Hey! :'''Mister Maker''': Take it away! :(''Mister Maker he waves his feather duster and walking footsteps again''.) :'''Circle''': Whoa! Hey! Oh, yeah! Yes! :(''The Shapes are going down and screaming''.) :'''Square''': Whoaaaaa! Whaaaaaaa! :(''The Shapes are dancing''.) :'''All Shapes''': 🎵 I am a shape, la-la-la-la! (4x) 🎵 :'''Circle''': I am a circle! :'''Triangle''': I am a triangle! :'''Square''': I am a square! :'''Rectangle''': I am a rectangle! :'''All Shapes''': 🎵 I am a shape! 🎵 :'''Rectangle''': I am a rectangle! :(''Rectangle yellow lines zoomed in and out. The blue screen background''.) :'''Narrator''': What's hiding in the rectangles. :(''The scarecrow and a bird a jigsaw all the pieces''.) :'''Narrator''': Can you see what it is? :(''The scarecrow and a bird a picture''.) :'''Narrator''': It's a Scarecrow. :(''Rectangle yellow lines zoomed in and out again''.) :'''Narrator''': Well done, Rectangle. Now it's time to go get back! On! The! Shelf! :(''The Shapes are going up and screaming''.) :'''All Shapes''': Wheeeeeee-heh-heh! Oh, hee-hee-hee! Ha-ha-ha! Whoo, whoo, whoo! :(''The Shapes are sleep goodnight''.) :'''Circle''': Heh-heh-hee-hee-hee! :'''Triangle''': Oh, dear, eeee… Ah! :'''Circle''': Oooh… :'''Square''': Zzz. :'''Triangle''': Ahhh, abdabdabdab. :'''Rectangle''': Hmmm. ==External links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:Internet shows]] 3fhuuleo4nkct7dpizdwqlazcoc7van 3778798 3778797 2025-07-14T18:42:06Z 148.252.144.63 3778798 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Extra Credits|Extra Credits]]''''' is a [[w:video lesson|video lesson]] [[w:web series|series]] presented by game designer James Portnow, animator/narrator Daniel Floyd, and artists Allison Theus, Elisa "LeeLee" Scaldaferri, Scott DeWitt, and Dan Jones. ==Transcript== :(''The shapes are snoring, saying "Zzz!" on his shelf''.) :'''Narrator''': Who's that snoring? :(''Mister Maker walks footsteps''.) :'''Mister Maker''': These are The Shapes. :(''The shapes are snoring again''.) :'''Narrator''': Aww, they're asleep. :'''Mister Maker''': I've got an idea. :(''Mister Maker runs and his feather duster''.) :'''Mister Maker''': Let's wake them up! :(''Mister Maker his feather duster stirred a wake up Rectangle''.) :'''Rectangle''': Zzz. Huh, wha, huh! Ha, ohh! :'''Mister Maker''': Come on, it's time for a puzzle. :(''Mister Maker his feather duster stirred a wake up Square''.) :'''Square''': Pah, pah! Pffft, pffft! :(''Mister Maker his feather duster stirred a wake up Triangle''.) :'''Triangle''': Uh, ohh! Ah! Ah! :(''And Mister Maker his feather duster stirred a wake up Circle''). :'''Circle''': Way hey, hey, eh-heh! Hey! :'''Mister Maker''': Take it away! :(''Mister Maker he waves his feather duster and walking footsteps again''.) :'''Circle''': Whoa! Hey! Oh, yeah! :(''The Shapes are going down and screaming''.) :'''Square''': Whoaaaaa! Whaaaaaaa! :(''The Shapes are dancing''.) :'''All Shapes''': 🎵 I am a shape, la-la-la-la! (4x) 🎵 :'''Circle''': I am a circle! :'''Triangle''': I am a triangle! :'''Square''': I am a square! :'''Rectangle''': I am a rectangle! :'''All Shapes''': 🎵 I am a shape! 🎵 :'''Rectangle''': I am a rectangle! :(''Rectangle yellow lines zoomed in and out. The blue screen background''.) :'''Narrator''': What's hiding in the rectangles. :(''The scarecrow and a bird a jigsaw all the pieces''.) :'''Narrator''': Can you see what it is? :(''The scarecrow and a bird a picture''.) :'''Narrator''': It's a Scarecrow. :(''Rectangle yellow lines zoomed in and out again''.) :'''Narrator''': Well done, Rectangle. Now it's time to go get back! On! The! Shelf! :(''The Shapes are going up and screaming''.) :'''All Shapes''': Wheeeeeee-heh-heh! Oh, hee-hee-hee! Ha-ha-ha! Whoo, whoo, whoo! :(''The Shapes are sleep goodnight''.) :'''Circle''': Heh-heh-hee-hee-hee! :'''Triangle''': Oh, dear, eeee… Ah! :'''Circle''': Oooh… :'''Square''': Zzz. :'''Triangle''': Ahhh, abdabdabdab. :'''Rectangle''': Hmmm. ==External links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:Internet shows]] h9pndnbrwb5wrcntz00rzm2wg4cq7gx 3778799 3778798 2025-07-14T18:52:20Z 148.252.144.63 3778799 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Extra Credits|Extra Credits]]''''' is a [[w:video lesson|video lesson]] [[w:web series|series]] presented by game designer James Portnow, animator/narrator Daniel Floyd, and artists Allison Theus, Elisa "LeeLee" Scaldaferri, Scott DeWitt, and Dan Jones. ==Transcript== :(''The shapes are snoring, saying "Zzz!" on his shelf''.) :'''Narrator''': Who's that snoring? :(''Mister Maker walks footsteps''.) :'''Mister Maker''': These are The Shapes. :(''The shapes are snoring again''.) :'''Narrator''': Aww, they're asleep. :'''Mister Maker''': I've got an idea. :(''Mister Maker runs and his feather duster''.) :'''Mister Maker''': Let's wake them up! :(''Mister Maker his feather duster stirred a wake up Rectangle''.) :'''Rectangle''': Zzz. Huh, wha, huh! Ha, ohh! :'''Mister Maker''': Come on, it's time for a puzzle. :(''Mister Maker his feather duster stirred a wake up Square''.) :'''Square''': Pah, pah! Pffft, pffft! :(''Mister Maker his feather duster stirred a wake up Triangle''.) :'''Triangle''': Uh, ohh! Ah! Ah! :(''And Mister Maker his feather duster stirred a wake up Circle''). :'''Circle''': Way hey, hey, eh-heh! Hey! :'''Mister Maker''': Take it away! :(''Mister Maker he waves his feather duster and walking footsteps again''.) :'''Circle''': Whoa! Hey! Oh, yeah! :(''The Shapes are going down and screaming''.) :'''Square''': Whoaaaaa! Whaaaaaaa! :(''The Shapes are dancing''.) :'''All Shapes''': 🎵 I am a shape, la-la-la-la! (4x) 🎵 :'''Circle''': I am a circle! :'''Triangle''': I am a triangle! :'''Square''': I am a square! :'''Rectangle''': I am a rectangle! :'''All Shapes''': 🎵 I am a shape! 🎵 :'''Rectangle''': I am a rectangle! :(''Rectangle yellow lines zoomed in and out. The blue screen background''.) :'''Narrator''': What's hiding in the rectangles. :(''The scarecrow and a bird a jigsaw all the pieces''.) :'''Narrator''': Can you see what it is? :(''The scarecrow and a bird a picture''.) :'''Narrator''': It's a Scarecrow. :(''Rectangle yellow lines zoomed in and out again''.) :'''Narrator''': Well done, Rectangle. Now it's time to go get back! On! The! Shelf! :(''The Shapes are going up and screaming''.) :'''All Shapes''': Wheeeeeee-heh-heh! Oh, hee-hee-hee! Ha-ha-ha! Whoo, whoo, whoo! :(''The Shapes are sleep goodnight''.) :'''Circle''': Heh-heh-hee-hee-hee! :'''Triangle''': Oh, dear, eeee… Ah! :'''Circle''': Oooh… :'''Square''': Zzz. :'''Triangle''': Ahhh, abdabdabdab. :'''Rectangle''': Hmmm. ==It's the Weekend on CBeebies (2012-2016 and 2028-present (Short, Medium and Extended Version))== :'''Oliver''': 2 special days at the end of the week. So many ways to have fun! Saturday and Sunday are waiting for you! :'''Everyone''': The weekend has begun! It's the weekend! :'''Sidney Sloane''': Saturday and Sunday, too! :'''Everyone''': It's the weekend! :'''Katy Ashworth''': There's fun to have and things to do. :'''Everyone''': It's the weekend! :'''Sidney Sloane''': A time for family and friends. :'''Everyone''': With CBeebies! That weekend feeling never ends. :'''Katy Ashworth''': You can visit friends, you can have them round to play. :'''Sidney Sloane''': You can pop to town or shop. :'''Katy Ashworth''': Go somewhere special, for the day! :'''Sidney Sloane''': Kick a football in the park. :'''Katy Ashworth''': Perharps ride on your bike. Make and do. :'''Sidney Sloane''': Or bake a cake. :'''Everyone''': There's just so much to like! It's the weekend! :'''Sidney Sloane''': Saturday and Sunday, too! :'''Everyone''': It's the weekend! :'''Katy Ashworth''': There's fun to have and things to do. ==External links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:Internet shows]] 6zd27qrhjy62a0xf1wkkzbzf2jgpy7j 3778815 3778799 2025-07-14T19:36:28Z 148.252.144.63 3778815 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Extra Credits|Extra Credits]]''''' is a [[w:video lesson|video lesson]] [[w:web series|series]] presented by game designer James Portnow, animator/narrator Daniel Floyd, and artists Allison Theus, Elisa "LeeLee" Scaldaferri, Scott DeWitt, and Dan Jones. ==Transcript== :(''The shapes are snoring, saying "Zzz!" on his shelf''.) :'''Narrator''': Who's that snoring? :(''Mister Maker walks footsteps''.) :'''Mister Maker''': These are The Shapes. :(''The shapes are snoring again''.) :'''Narrator''': Aww, they're asleep. :'''Mister Maker''': I've got an idea. :(''Mister Maker runs and his feather duster''.) :'''Mister Maker''': Let's wake them up! :(''Mister Maker his feather duster stirred a wake up Rectangle''.) :'''Rectangle''': Zzz. Huh, wha, huh! Ha, ohh! :'''Mister Maker''': Come on, it's time for a puzzle. :(''Mister Maker his feather duster stirred a wake up Square''.) :'''Square''': Pah, pah! Pffft, pffft! :(''Mister Maker his feather duster stirred a wake up Triangle''.) :'''Triangle''': Uh, ohh! Ah! Ah! :(''And Mister Maker his feather duster stirred a wake up Circle''). :'''Circle''': Way hey, hey, eh-heh! Hey! :'''Mister Maker''': Take it away! :(''Mister Maker he waves his feather duster and walking footsteps again''.) :'''Circle''': Whoa! Hey! Oh, yeah! :(''The Shapes are going down and screaming''.) :'''Square''': Whoaaaaa! Whaaaaaaa! :(''The Shapes are dancing''.) :'''All Shapes''': 🎵 I am a shape, la-la-la-la! (4x) 🎵 :'''Circle''': I am a circle! :'''Triangle''': I am a triangle! :'''Square''': I am a square! :'''Rectangle''': I am a rectangle! :'''All Shapes''': 🎵 I am a shape! 🎵 :'''Rectangle''': I am a rectangle! :(''Rectangle yellow lines zoomed in and out. The blue screen background''.) :'''Narrator''': What's hiding in the rectangles. :(''The scarecrow and a bird a jigsaw all the pieces''.) :'''Narrator''': Can you see what it is? :(''The scarecrow and a bird a picture''.) :'''Narrator''': It's a Scarecrow. :(''Rectangle yellow lines zoomed in and out again''.) :'''Narrator''': Well done, Rectangle. Now it's time to go get back! On! The! Shelf! :(''The Shapes are going up and screaming''.) :'''All Shapes''': Wheeeeeee-heh-heh! Oh, hee-hee-hee! Ha-ha-ha! Whoo, whoo, whoo! :(''The Shapes are sleep goodnight''.) :'''Circle''': Heh-heh-hee-hee-hee! :'''Triangle''': Oh, dear, eeee… Ah! :'''Circle''': Oooh… :'''Square''': Zzz. :'''Triangle''': Ahhh, abdabdabdab. :'''Rectangle''': Hmmm. ==It's the Weekend on CBeebies (2012-2016 and 2028-present (Short, Medium and Extended Version))== :'''Oliver''': 2 special days at the end of the week. So many ways to have fun! Saturday and Sunday are waiting for you! :'''Everyone''': The weekend has begun! It's the weekend! :'''Sidney Sloane''': Saturday and Sunday, too! :'''Everyone''': It's the weekend! :'''Katy Ashworth''': There's fun to have and things to do. :'''Everyone''': It's the weekend! :'''Sidney Sloane''': A time for family and friends. :'''Everyone''': With CBeebies! That weekend feeling never ends. :'''Katy Ashworth''': You can visit friends, you can have them round to play. :'''Sidney Sloane''': You can pop to town or shop. :'''Katy Ashworth''': Go somewhere special, for the day! :'''Sidney Sloane''': Kick a football in the park. :'''Katy Ashworth''': Perharps ride on your bike. Make and do. :'''Sidney Sloane''': Or bake a cake. :'''Everyone''': There's just so much to like! It's the weekend! :'''Sidney Sloane''': Saturday and Sunday, too! :'''Everyone''': It's the weekend! :'''Katy Ashworth''': There's fun to have and things to do. :'''Everyone''': It's the weekend! Great to get out and about! It's the weekend! :'''Sidney Sloane''': It makes you sing. :'''Katy Ashworth''': It makes you shout! :'''Everyone''': It's the weekend! :'''Sidney Sloane''': A time for family and friends. :'''Everyone''': With CBeebies! That weekend feeling never ends. :'''Oliver''': You can DVDs and Books. You can just imagine come to play! You can Westwood cinema for Didcot! Go something special all day long! World Book Day for all of us. Perharps going on a DVD Player. Me and you! Or TV and iPads. There's always so much tonight! :'''Everyone''': It's the weekend! :'''Sidney Sloane''': Saturday and Sunday, too! :'''Everyone''': It's the weekend! :'''Katy Ashworth''': There's fun to have and things to do. :'''Everyone''': It's the weekend! Great to get out and about! It's the weekend! :'''Sidney Sloane''': It makes you sing. :'''Katy Ashworth''': It makes you shout! :'''Everyone''': It's the weekend! I can't wait to see you again. It's the weekend! :'''Oliver''': Disco party, sing-along and pop star day! :'''Everyone''': It's the weekend! :'''Sidney Sloane''': A time for family and friends. :'''Everyone''': With CBeebies! That weekend feeling never ends. :THE END! ==External links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:Internet shows]] 4pcetisiyhzclhctuls583suu40tzdh 3778816 3778815 2025-07-14T19:36:40Z 148.252.144.63 3778816 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Extra Credits|Extra Credits]]''''' is a [[w:video lesson|video lesson]] [[w:web series|series]] presented by game designer James Portnow, animator/narrator Daniel Floyd, and artists Allison Theus, Elisa "LeeLee" Scaldaferri, Scott DeWitt, and Dan Jones. ==Transcript== :(''The shapes are snoring, saying "Zzz!" on his shelf''.) :'''Narrator''': Who's that snoring? :(''Mister Maker walks footsteps''.) :'''Mister Maker''': These are The Shapes. :(''The shapes are snoring again''.) :'''Narrator''': Aww, they're asleep. :'''Mister Maker''': I've got an idea. :(''Mister Maker runs and his feather duster''.) :'''Mister Maker''': Let's wake them up! :(''Mister Maker his feather duster stirred a wake up Rectangle''.) :'''Rectangle''': Zzz. Huh, wha, huh! Ha, ohh! :'''Mister Maker''': Come on, it's time for a puzzle. :(''Mister Maker his feather duster stirred a wake up Square''.) :'''Square''': Pah, pah! Pffft, pffft! :(''Mister Maker his feather duster stirred a wake up Triangle''.) :'''Triangle''': Uh, ohh! Ah! Ah! :(''And Mister Maker his feather duster stirred a wake up Circle''). :'''Circle''': Way hey, hey, eh-heh! Hey! :'''Mister Maker''': Take it away! :(''Mister Maker he waves his feather duster and walking footsteps again''.) :'''Circle''': Whoa! Hey! Oh, yeah! :(''The Shapes are going down and screaming''.) :'''Square''': Whoaaaaa! Whaaaaaaa! :(''The Shapes are dancing''.) :'''All Shapes''': 🎵 I am a shape, la-la-la-la! (4x) 🎵 :'''Circle''': I am a circle! :'''Triangle''': I am a triangle! :'''Square''': I am a square! :'''Rectangle''': I am a rectangle! :'''All Shapes''': 🎵 I am a shape! 🎵 :'''Rectangle''': I am a rectangle! :(''Rectangle yellow lines zoomed in and out. The blue screen background''.) :'''Narrator''': What's hiding in the rectangles. :(''The scarecrow and a bird a jigsaw all the pieces''.) :'''Narrator''': Can you see what it is? :(''The scarecrow and a bird a picture''.) :'''Narrator''': It's a Scarecrow. :(''Rectangle yellow lines zoomed in and out again''.) :'''Narrator''': Well done, Rectangle. Now it's time to go get back! On! The! Shelf! :(''The Shapes are going up and screaming''.) :'''All Shapes''': Wheeeeeee-heh-heh! Oh, hee-hee-hee! Ha-ha-ha! Whoo, whoo, whoo! :(''The Shapes are sleep goodnight''.) :'''Circle''': Heh-heh-hee-hee-hee! :'''Triangle''': Oh, dear, eeee… Ah! :'''Circle''': Oooh… :'''Square''': Zzz. :'''Triangle''': Ahhh, abdabdabdab. :'''Rectangle''': Hmmm. ==It's the Weekend on CBeebies (2012-2016 and 2028-present (Short, Medium and Extended Version))== :'''Oliver''': 2 special days at the end of the week. So many ways to have fun! Saturday and Sunday are waiting for you! :'''Everyone''': The weekend has begun! It's the weekend! :'''Sidney Sloane''': Saturday and Sunday, too! :'''Everyone''': It's the weekend! :'''Katy Ashworth''': There's fun to have and things to do. :'''Everyone''': It's the weekend! :'''Sidney Sloane''': A time for family and friends. :'''Everyone''': With CBeebies! That weekend feeling never ends. :'''Katy Ashworth''': You can visit friends, you can have them round to play. :'''Sidney Sloane''': You can pop to town or shop. :'''Katy Ashworth''': Go somewhere special, for the day! :'''Sidney Sloane''': Kick a football in the park. :'''Katy Ashworth''': Perharps ride on your bike. Make and do. :'''Sidney Sloane''': Or bake a cake. :'''Everyone''': There's just so much to like! It's the weekend! :'''Sidney Sloane''': Saturday and Sunday, too! :'''Everyone''': It's the weekend! :'''Katy Ashworth''': There's fun to have and things to do. :'''Everyone''': It's the weekend! Great to get out and about! It's the weekend! :'''Sidney Sloane''': It makes you sing. :'''Katy Ashworth''': It makes you shout! :'''Everyone''': It's the weekend! :'''Sidney Sloane''': A time for family and friends. :'''Everyone''': With CBeebies! That weekend feeling never ends. :'''Oliver''': You can DVDs and Books. You can just imagine come to play! You can Westwood cinema for Didcot! Go something special all day long! World Book Day for all of us. Perharps going on a DVD Player. Me and you! Or TV and iPads. There's always so much tonight! :'''Everyone''': It's the weekend! :'''Sidney Sloane''': Saturday and Sunday, too! :'''Everyone''': It's the weekend! :'''Katy Ashworth''': There's fun to have and things to do. :'''Everyone''': It's the weekend! Great to get out and about! It's the weekend! :'''Sidney Sloane''': It makes you sing. :'''Katy Ashworth''': It makes you shout! :'''Everyone''': It's the weekend! I can't wait to see you again. It's the weekend! :'''Oliver''': Disco party, sing-along and pop star day! :'''Everyone''': It's the weekend! :'''Sidney Sloane''': A time for family and friends. :'''Everyone''': With CBeebies! That weekend feeling never ends. :THE END! ==External links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:Internet shows]] smdza9f77n7b08k1wlaslcxdju7jdqe 3779033 3778816 2025-07-15T06:41:06Z 88.18.57.120 /* It's the Weekend on CBeebies (2012-2016 and 2028-present (Extended Version)) */ 3779033 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Extra Credits|Extra Credits]]''''' is a [[w:video lesson|video lesson]] [[w:web series|series]] presented by game designer James Portnow, animator/narrator Daniel Floyd, and artists Allison Theus, Elisa "LeeLee" Scaldaferri, Scott DeWitt, and Dan Jones. ==Transcript== :(''The shapes are snoring, saying "Zzz!" on his shelf''.) :'''Narrator''': Who's that snoring? :(''Mister Maker walks footsteps''.) :'''Mister Maker''': These are The Shapes. :(''The shapes are snoring again''.) :'''Narrator''': Aww, they're asleep. :'''Mister Maker''': I've got an idea. :(''Mister Maker runs and his feather duster''.) :'''Mister Maker''': Let's wake them up! :(''Mister Maker his feather duster stirred a wake up Rectangle''.) :'''Rectangle''': Zzz. Huh, wha, huh! Ha, ohh! :'''Mister Maker''': Come on, it's time for a puzzle. :(''Mister Maker his feather duster stirred a wake up Square''.) :'''Square''': Pah, pah! Pffft, pffft! :(''Mister Maker his feather duster stirred a wake up Triangle''.) :'''Triangle''': Uh, ohh! Ah! Ah! :(''And Mister Maker his feather duster stirred a wake up Circle''). :'''Circle''': Way hey, hey, eh-heh! Hey! :'''Mister Maker''': Take it away! :(''Mister Maker he waves his feather duster and walking footsteps again''.) :'''Circle''': Whoa! Hey! Oh, yeah! :(''The Shapes are going down and screaming''.) :'''Square''': Whoaaaaa! Whaaaaaaa! :(''The Shapes are dancing''.) :'''All Shapes''': 🎵 I am a shape, la-la-la-la! (4x) 🎵 :'''Circle''': I am a circle! :'''Triangle''': I am a triangle! :'''Square''': I am a square! :'''Rectangle''': I am a rectangle! :'''All Shapes''': 🎵 I am a shape! 🎵 :'''Rectangle''': I am a rectangle! :(''Rectangle yellow lines zoomed in and out. The blue screen background''.) :'''Narrator''': What's hiding in the rectangles. :(''The scarecrow and a bird a jigsaw all the pieces''.) :'''Narrator''': Can you see what it is? :(''The scarecrow and a bird a picture''.) :'''Narrator''': It's a Scarecrow. :(''Rectangle yellow lines zoomed in and out again''.) :'''Narrator''': Well done, Rectangle. Now it's time to go get back! On! The! Shelf! :(''The Shapes are going up and screaming''.) :'''All Shapes''': Wheeeeeee-heh-heh! Oh, hee-hee-hee! Ha-ha-ha! Whoo, whoo, whoo! :(''The Shapes are sleep goodnight''.) :'''Circle''': Heh-heh-hee-hee-hee! :'''Triangle''': Oh, dear, eeee… Ah! :'''Circle''': Oooh… :'''Square''': Zzz. :'''Triangle''': Ahhh, abdabdabdab. :'''Rectangle''': Hmmm. ==It's the Weekend on CBeebies (2012-2016 and 2028-present (Extended Version))== :'''Oliver''': 2 special days at the end of the week. So many ways to have fun! Saturday and Sunday are waiting for you! :'''Everyone''': The weekend has begun! It's the weekend! :'''Sidney Sloane''': Saturday and Sunday, too! :'''Everyone''': It's the weekend! :'''Katy Ashworth''': There's fun to have and things to do. :'''Everyone''': It's the weekend! :'''Sidney Sloane''': A time for family and friends. :'''Everyone''': With CBeebies! That weekend feeling never ends. :'''Katy Ashworth''': You can visit friends, you can have them round to play. :'''Sidney Sloane''': You can pop to town or shop. :'''Katy Ashworth''': Go somewhere special, for the day! :'''Sidney Sloane''': Kick a football in the park. :'''Katy Ashworth''': Perharps ride on your bike. Make and do. :'''Sidney Sloane''': Or bake a cake. :'''Everyone''': There's just so much to like! It's the weekend! :'''Sidney Sloane''': Saturday and Sunday, too! :'''Everyone''': It's the weekend! :'''Katy Ashworth''': There's fun to have and things to do. :'''Everyone''': It's the weekend! Great to get out and about! It's the weekend! :'''Sidney Sloane''': It makes you sing. :'''Katy Ashworth''': It makes you shout! :'''Everyone''': It's the weekend! :'''Sidney Sloane''': A time for family and friends. :'''Everyone''': With CBeebies! That weekend feeling never ends. :'''Oliver''': You can DVDs and Books. You can just imagine come to play! You can Westwood cinema for Didcot! Go something special all day long! World Book Day for all of us. Perharps going on a DVD Player. Me and you! Or TV and iPads. There's always so much tonight! :'''Everyone''': It's the weekend! :'''Sidney Sloane''': Saturday and Sunday, too! :'''Everyone''': It's the weekend! :'''Katy Ashworth''': There's fun to have and things to do. :'''Everyone''': It's the weekend! Great to get out and about! It's the weekend! :'''Sidney Sloane''': It makes you sing. :'''Katy Ashworth''': It makes you shout! :'''Everyone''': It's the weekend! I can't wait to see you again. It's the weekend! :'''Oliver''': Disco party, sing-along and pop star day! :'''Everyone''': It's the weekend! :'''Sidney Sloane''': A time for family and friends. :'''Everyone''': With CBeebies! That weekend feeling never ends. :THE END! ==External links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:Internet shows]] n0kuk089mbznlnz1691jgc13lykqhfp 0 177713 3778531 3236919 2025-07-14T12:38:38Z UDScott 4304 −[[Category:People from India]]; ±[[Category:Architects]]→[[Category:Architects from India]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778531 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Kamal Sagar|Kamal Sagar]]''' (born [[July 16]], [[1969]]) is an [[w:India|Indian]] [[w:architect|architect]]. {{people-stub}} == Quotes == * In my mind, I’m a builder in the traditional, 15th century way. I like building nice structures. Whatever else it takes to do that, I’ll do it. ** [[w:Inc.|INC]] Magazine Interview{{fix cite<!-- issue/date? title? author? -->}} == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Sagar, Kamal}} [[Category:Architects from India]] [[Category:1969 births]] [[Category:Living people]] 0n4nzie2q1ftze1a2d96opci24o0vqe 0 178457 3778991 3670680 2025-07-15T02:26:53Z 174.197.194.167 /* F */ 3778991 wikitext text/x-wiki __NOTOC__ This is a '''list of films:''' ---- [[List of films (A–C)##|#]] - [[List of films (A–C)#A|A]] - [[List of films (A–C)#B|B]] - [[List of films (A–C)#C|C]] - [[List of films (D–F)#D|D]] - [[List of films (D–F)#E|E]] - [[List of films (D–F)#F|F]] - [[List of films (G–I)#G|G]] - [[List of films (G–I)#H|H]] - [[List of films (G–I)#I|I]] - [[List of films (J–L)#J|J]] - [[List of films (J-L)#K|K]] - [[List of films (J-L)#L|L]] - [[List of films (M-O)#M|M]] - [[List of films (M-O)#N|N]] - [[List of films (M-O)#O|O]] - [[List of films (P–S)#P|P]] - [[List of films (P–S)#Q|Q]] - [[List of films (P–S)#R|R]] - [[List of films (P–S)#S|S]] - [[List of films (T–V)#T|T]] - [[List of films (T–V)#U|U]] - [[List of films (T–V)#V|V]] - [[List of films (W–Z)#W|W]] - [[List of films (W–Z)#X|X]] - [[List of films (W–Z)#Y|Y]] - [[List of films (W–Z)#Z|Z]] ==Existing== ===D=== {{Col-begin}} {{Col-3}} * [[The Da Vinci Code (film)|''Da Vinci Code'', ''The'']] * ''[[Daddy Day Camp]]'' * ''[[Daddy Day Care]]'' * ''[[Daffy Duck and the Dinosaur]]'' * ''[[Daffy Duck's Quackbusters]]'' * ''[[Dallas Buyers Club]]'' * ''[[Dan in Real Life]]'' * ''[[Dance of the Dead]]'' * ''[[Dancer In The Dark]]'' * ''[[Dances with Wolves]]'' * ''[[Dangerous Beauty]]'' * ''[[Daredevil (film)|Daredevil]]'' * [[The Darjeeling Limited|''Darjeeling Limited'', ''The'']] * ''[[Dark City]]'' * [[The Dark Knight|''Dark Knight'', ''The'']] * [[The Dark Knight Rises|''Dark Knight Rises'', ''The'']] * ''[[Dark Passage (film)‎|Dark Passage]]'' * [[The Dark Side of the Moon (1990 film)|''Dark Side of the Moon'', ''The'']] (1990) *''[[Darkest Hour]]'' (2017) * ''[[Das Boot]]'' * ''[[Das Leben der Anderen]]'' * ''[[Dave (film)|Dave]]'' * ''[[Dawn of the Dead (1978 film)|Dawn of the Dead]]'' (1978) * ''[[Dawn of the Dead (2004 film)|Dawn of the Dead]]'' (2004) * [[The Day After Tomorrow|''Day After Tomorrow'', ''The'']] * [[A Day at the Races|''Day at the Races'', ''A'']] * [[The Day of the Jackal (film)|''Day of the Jackal'', ''The'']] * [[The Day the Earth Stood Still (1951 film)|''Day the Earth Stood Still'', ''The'']] (1951) * [[The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008 film)|''Day the Earth Stood Still'', ''The'']] (2008) * ''[[Daydream Nation (film)|Daydream Nation]]'' * ''[[Days of Being Wild]]'' * ''[[Days of Thunder]]'' * ''[[Dazed and Confused]]'' * ''[[DC Super Hero Girls: Intergalactic Games]]'' * ''[[DC Super Hero Girls: Legends of Atlantis]]'' * ''[[DC Super Hero Girls: Super Hero High]]'' * ''[[Dead Alive]]'' * ''[[Dead Calm (film)|Dead Calm]]'' *''[[Dead Man]]'' * ''[[Dead Man Walking (film)|Dead Man Walking]]'' * ''[[Dead Poets Society]]'' * [[The Dead Zone (film)|''Dead Zone'', ''The'']] * ''[[Deadfall (1993 film)|Deadfall]]'' *''[[Deadpool (film)|Deadpool]]'' *''[[Deadpool 2]]'' *''[[Death in Venice]]'' * ''[[Death Becomes Her]]'' * ''[[Death Race (film)|Death Race]]'' * ''[[Death Race 2000]]'' * ''[[Death Rides a Horse]]'' * ''[[Death to Smoochy]]'' * ''[[Death Wish (movie series)|Death Wish]]'' (I-V) * ''[[D.E.B.S.]]'' * ''[[Dedication (film)|Dedication]]'' * ''[[Deep Impact]]'' * ''[[Deep Throat (film)|Deep Throat]]'' * [[The Deer Hunter|''Deer Hunter'', ''The'']] * ''[[Deewar]]'' * ''[[Defending Your Life]]'' * ''[[Defendor]]'' * ''[[Defiance (2008 film)|Defiance]]'' (2008) * ''[[Déjà Vu (2006 film)|Déjà Vu]]'' (2006) {{Col-3}} *''[[Deliver Us from Evil (2014 film)|Deliver Us from Evil]]'' (2014) * ''[[Deliverance]]'' * ''[[Den Brother]]'' * [[The Departed|''Departed'', ''The'']] * ''[[Der Fuehrer's Face]]'' * [[The Descendants (film)|''Descendants'', ''The'']] * ''[[Descendants 2]]'' * ''[[Descendants 3]]'' * ''[[Descent]]'' * ''[[Desperate Living]]'' * ''[[Despicable Me]]'' * ''[[Despicable Me 2]]'' * ''[[Despicable Me 3]]'' * ''[[Destry Rides Again]]'' * ''[[Detective Pikachu (film)|Detective Pikachu]]'' * ''[[Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo]]'' * ''[[Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo]]'' * [[The Devil's Advocate|''Devil's Advocate'', ''The'']] * [[The Devil's Own|''Devil's Own'', ''The'']] * [[The Devil's Rejects|''Devil's Rejects'', ''The'']] * ''[[Devil in a Blue Dress (film)|Devil in a Blue Dress]]'' * [[The Devil Wears Prada (film)|''Devil Wears Prada'', ''The'']] * ''[[Dexter's Laboratory: Ego Trip]]'' * ''[[Dial M for Murder]]'' * ''[[Diary of a Wimpy Kid (film)|Diary of a Wimpy Kid]]'' * ''[[Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules (film)|Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules]]'' * ''[[Diary of the Dead]]'' * ''[[Diamonds Are Forever]]'' * ''[[Dick (film)|Dick]]'' * ''[[Dick Figures: The Movie]]'' * ''[[Dick Tracy (1990 film)|Dick Tracy]]'' * ''[[Die Hard (film)|Die Hard]]'' * ''[[Die Hard 2: Die Harder]]'' * ''[[Die Hard With a Vengeance]]'' * ''[[Diner (film)|Diner]]'' * ''[[Dinosaur]]'' * ''[[Dinosaurs]]'' (1980) * ''[[Dirty Dancing]]'' * ''[[The Dirty Dozen]]'' * ''[[Dirty Harry]]'' * ''[[Dirty Rotten Scoundrels (film)|Dirty Rotten Scoundrels]]'' * [[A Dirty Shame|''Dirty Shame'', ''A'']] * ''[[Dirty Work (1998 film)|Dirty Work]]'' (1998) * ''[[Disaster Movie]]'' * ''[[Disclosure (film)|Disclosure]]'' * ''[[District 9]]'' * ''[[Disturbia]]'' * ''[[Disturbing Behavior]]'' * ''[[Divergent (film)|Divergent]]'' * ''[[The Divergent Series: Insurgent]]'' * ''[[Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood]]'' * ''[[Dizzy Pilots]]'' * ''[[Django Unchained]]'' * ''[[Doctor Dolittle (1967)|Doctor Dolittle]]'' (1967) * ''[[Doctor Dolittle (1998)|Doctor Dolittle]]'' (1998) * ''[[Dolphin Tale (film)|Dolphin Tale]]'' (2011) * ''[[Doctor Zhivago]]'' * ''[[Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story]]'' * ''[[Dodsworth (film)|Dodsworth]]'' * ''[[Dogma (film)|Dogma]]'' * ''[[Dog Man (film)|Dog Man]]'' * ''[[Dogville]]'' * ''[[Dog Day Afternoon]]'' {{Col-3}} * ''[[Doina (film)|Doina]]'' *''[[Dolittle (film)|Dolittle]]'' * ''[[Dolores Claiborne]]'' * ''[[Don Jon]]'' * ''[[Don Juan DeMarco (1995 movie)|Don Juan DeMarco]]'' (1995) * ''[[Don Q, Son of Zorro]]'' * ''[[Donald in Mathmagic Land]]'' * ''[[Donnie Brasco]]'' * ''[[Donnie Darko]]'' * ''[[Don't Be A Menace To South Central While Drinking Your Juice In The Hood]]'' * ''[[Don't Look Up]]'' * ''[[Don't Say a Word]]'' * ''[[Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead]]'' * ''[[Doom (film)|Doom]]'' * [[The Doors (film)|''Doors'', ''The'']] * ''[[Dorian Gray (2009 film)|Dorian Gray]]'' (2009) * ''[[Double Indemnity (1944 movie)|Double Indemnity]]'' (1944) * ''[[Down Periscope]]'' * ''[[Down to Earth]]'' * ''[[Down With Love]]'' * ''[[Downfall (2004 film)|Downfall]]'' (2004) * ''[[Dr. No]]'' * ''[[Dr. Strangelove: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb]]'' * ''[[Dracula (1931 film)|Dracula]]'' (1931) * ''[[Dracula (1958 film)|Dracula]]'' (1958) * ''[[Dracula (1979 film)|Dracula]]'' (1979) * ''[[Bram Stoker's Dracula]]'' (1992) * ''[[Dracula A.D. 1972]]'' * ''[[Dracula: Dead and Loving It]]'' * ''[[Dracula: Prince of Darkness]]'' * ''[[Dracula's Daughter]]'' * ''[[Dragnet (1987 film)|Dragnet]]'' (1987) * ''[[Dragon Ball Z: Bardock - The Father of Goku]]'' * [[The Drawn Together Movie: The Movie!|''Drawn Together Movie: The Movie'', ''The'']] * ''[[Dr. Dolittle 2]]'' * [[The Dreamers|''Dreamers'', ''The'']] * ''[[Dreamscape (1984 film)|Dreamscape]]'' (1984) * ''[[Dressed to Kill (1980 film)|Dressed to Kill]]'' (1980) * ''[[Driving Miss Daisy]]'' * ''[[Drop Dead Fred]]'' * ''[[Drop Dead Gorgeous]]'' * ''[[Drowning Mona]]'' * ''[[Drugstore Cowboy]]'' * ''[[Drumline (film)|Drumline]]'' * ''[[The Duck Doctor|Duck Doctor, The]]'' * ''[[Duck Duck Goose (film)|Duck Duck Goose]]'' * ''[[Duck Soup]]'' * ''[[Dude, Where's My Car?]]'' * ''[[Duel (1971 film)|Duel]]'' (1971) * ''[[Duel in the Sun (film)|Duel in the Sun]]'' * [[The Dukes of Hazzard (film)|''Dukes of Hazzard'', ''The'']] * ''[[Dumb and Dumber]]'' * ''[[Dumb and Dumber To]]'' * ''[[Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd]]'' * ''[[Dumbo]]'' *''[[Dumbo (2019 film)|Dumbo]]'' (2019) * ''[[Dummy (film)|Dummy]]'' * ''[[Dune (film)|Dune]]'' *''[[Dune (2021 film)|Dune]]'' (2021) * ''[[Duplex (film)|Duplex]]'' * ''[[Dylan Dog: Dead of Night]]'' {{Col-end}} ===E=== {{Col-begin}} {{Col-3}} * ''[[Early Man (film)|Early Man]]'' * ''[[Earth Girls Are Easy]]'' * ''[[Earthquake (film)|Earthquake]]'' * ''[[Eating Raoul]]'' * ''[[East of Eden (film)|East of Eden]]'' * ''[[Easter Yeggs]]'' * ''[[Eastern Promises]]'' * ''[[Easy A]]'' * ''[[Easy Rider]]'' * ''[[Ed, Edd n Eddy's Big Picture Show]]'' * ''[[Ed Wood]]'' * ''[[Eddie and the Cruisers]]'' * ''[[The Edge (film)|Edge, The]]'' * ''[[The Edge of Seventeen|Edge of Seventeen, The]]'' * ''[[An Education|Education, An]]'' * ''[[Edward Scissorhands]]'' * ''[[Eight Crazy Nights]]'' * ''[[Eight Legged Freaks]]'' * ''[[Eight Men Out]]'' * ''[[El Cid]]'' * ''[[Ella Enchanted]]'' * ''[[Election (1999 film)|Election]]'' * ''[[Elf (film)|Elf]]'' * ''[[Elizabeth (film)|Elizabeth]]'' * ''[[Elizabethtown]]'' {{Col-3}} * ''[[Elmer Gantry (film)|Elmer Gantry]]'' * ''[[Elves (film)|Elves]]'' * ''[[Elvis (TV miniseries)|Elvis]]'' (2005) * ''[[The Emperor's New Groove|Emperor's New Groove, The]]'' * ''[[Empire Records]]'' * ''[[Encanto (film)|Encanto]]'' * ''[[Enchanted]]'' * ''[[End of Days]]'' * ''[[Enemy at the Gates]]'' * ''[[Enemy of the State]]'' * ''[[The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill But Came Down a Mountain|Englishman Who Went Up a Hill But Came Down a Mountain, The]]'' * ''[[The English Patient|English Patient, The]]'' * ''[[Enter the Dragon]]'' * ''[[Epic (film)|Epic]]'' * ''[[Epic Movie]]'' * ''[[The Equalizer (film)|The Equalizer]]'' * ''[[Equilibrium (2002 film)|Equilibrium]]'' * ''[[Eragon (film)|Eragon]]'' * ''[[Erin Brockovich]]'' * ''[[Ernest Goes to Camp]]'' * ''[[Ernest Goes to Jail]]'' * ''[[Ernest Saves Christmas]]'' * ''[[Ernest Scared Stupid]]'' * ''[[Escape from New York]]'' * ''[[E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial]]'' {{col-3}} * ''[[Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind]]'' * ''[[Eternals (film)|Eternals]]'' * ''[[Eurotrip]]'' * ''[[Evan Almighty]]'' * ''[[The Even Stevens Movie|Even Stevens Movie, The]]'' * ''[[Event Horizon]]'' * ''[[Ever After]]'' * ''[[Everest (2015 film)|Everest]]'' (2015) * ''[[Everybody Wants Some!! (film)|Everybody Wants Some!!]]'' * ''[[Every Day (2010 film)|Every Day]]'' * ''[[Everything Is Illuminated (film)|Everything Is Illuminated]]'' * ''[[Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex* (*But Were Afraid to Ask)]]'' * ''[[The Evil Dead|Evil Dead, The]]'' * ''[[Evil Dead (2013 film)|Evil Dead]]'' (2013) * ''[[Evil Dead 2]]'' * [[Evita_(musical)|''Evita'']] * ''[[Evolution (film)|Evolution]]'' * ''[[Ex Machina (film)|Ex Machina]]'' * ''[[Excalibur (film)|Excalibur]]'' * ''[[The Exorcist|Exorcist, The]]'' * ''[[The Exorcist III|Exorcist III, The]]'' * ''[[Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed]]'' * ''[[An Extremely Goofy Movie|Extremely Goofy Movie, An]]'' * ''[[Eyes Wide Shut]]'' {{Col-end}} ===F=== {{Col-begin}} {{Col-3}} *''[[The Fabelmans]]'' *''[[Fabiola (1949 film)|Fabiola]]'' *''[[Face/Off]]'' *''[[A Face in the Crowd (film)|Face in the Crowd, A]]'' *''[[Factory Girl (film)|Factory Girl]]'' *''[[Fahrenheit 451 (film)|Fahrenheit 451]]'' *''[[Falling Down]]'' *''[[Fame (film)|Fame]]'' *''[[Fantasia (1940 film)|Fantasia]]'' *''[[Falling Hare]]'' *''[[Fantasia 2000]]'' *''[[Fantastic Four (2005 film)|Fantastic Four]]'' (2005) *''[[Fantastic Four (2015 film)|Fantastic Four]]'' (2015) *''[[Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer]]'' *''[[Fantastic Mr. Fox (film)|Fantastic Mr. Fox]]'' *''[[Farewell, My Lovely (1975 film)|Farewell, My Lovely]]'' *''[[Farewell, My Queen]]'' *''[[A Farewell to Arms (1932 film)|Farewell to Arms, A]]'' (1932) *''[[A Farewell to Arms (1957 film)|Farewell to Arms, A]]'' (1957) *''[[Fargo (film)|Fargo]]'' *''[[Fast & Furious (2009 film)|Fast & Furious]]'' *''[[Fast and Furious 6]]'' *''[[The Fast and the Furious (1955 film)|Fast and the Furious, The]]'' (1955) *''[[The Fast and the Furious (2001 film)|Fast and the Furious, The]]'' (2001) *''[[The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift|Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift, The]]'' *''[[Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!]]'' *''[[Fast Times at Ridgemont High]]'' *''[[Fat Albert (film)|Fat Albert]]'' *''[[Fatal Fury: The Motion Picture]]'' (1994) {{col-3}} *''[[The Fate of the Furious|Fate of the Furious, The]]'' *''[[The Father (2020 film)|Father, The]]'' (2020) *''[[Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas]]'' *''[[Fearless (2006 film)|Fearless]]'' *''[[Fences (film)|Fences]]'' *''[[Ferris Bueller's Day Off]]'' *''[[Field of Dreams]]'' *''[[The Fiendish Plot of Dr. Fu Manchu|Fiendish Plot of Dr. Fu Manchu, The]]'' *''[[The Fifth Element|Fifth Element, The]]'' *''[[Fiend Without a Face]]'' *''[[Fight Club (film)|Fight Club]]'' *''[[Final Destination (film)|Final Destination]]'' *''[[Final Destination 2]]'' *''[[Final Destination 3]]'' *''[[Final Destination 5]]'' *''[[The Final Destination|Final Destination, The]]'' *''[[A Fish called Wanda|Fish called Wanda, A]]'' *''[[Fire and Ice (1983 film)|Fire and Ice]]'' * ''[[Fireproof (film)|Fireproof]]'' *''[[Firestarter (film)|Firestarter]]'' *''[[Flash Gordon (film)|Flash Gordon]]'' *''[[The Flesh Eaters (film)|Flesh Eaters, The]]'' *''[[Fletch (film)|Fletch]]'' *''[[The Flight of Dragons]]'' *''[[Flubber (film)|Flubber]]'' *''[[Fluke (film)|Fluke]]'' *''[[Flushed Away]]'' *''[[The Fly (1986 film)|Fly, The]]'' (1986) *''[[Fly Away Home]]'' *''[[Flyboys]]'' *''[[The Fog (2005 film)|Fog, The]]'' {{Col-3}} *''[[The Fog of War|Fog of War, The]]'' *''[[The Football Factory (film)|Football Factory, The]]'' *''[[Footloose (1984 film)|Footloose]]'' *''[[Footrot Flats: The Dog's Tale]]'' *''[[For Your Eyes Only]]'' *''[[Force 10 from Navarone (film)|Force 10 from Navarone]]'' *''[[Foreign Correspondent (film)|Foreign Correspondent]]'' *''[[Forgetting Sarah Marshall]]'' *''[[Forrest Gump]]'' *''[[Fort Apache, The Bronx|Fort Apache, The Bronx]]'' *''[[The Fountainhead (film)|Fountainhead, The]]'' *''[[The Fox and the Hound|Fox and the Hound, The]]'' *''[[The Fox and the Hound 2|Fox and the Hound 2, The]]'' *''[[Foxcatcher (film)|Foxcatcher]]'' *''[[Free Birds]]'' *''[[Free Guy]]'' *''[[Free Willy]]'' *''[[Freedom Writers]]'' *''[[French Exit (2020 film)|French Exit]]'' (2020) *''[[French Rarebit]]'' *''[[Friends with Benefits (film)|Friends with Benefits]]'' (2011) *''[[Fritz the Cat (film)|Fritz the Cat]]'' *''[[From_Russia_with_Love_(film)|From Russia with Love]]'' (1963) *''[[Frozen (2010 film)|Frozen]]'' (2010) *''[[Frozen (2013 film)|Frozen]]'' (2013) *''[[Frozen II]]'' *''[[Full Metal Jacket]]'' *''[[Funny Farm (film)|Funny Farm]]'' *''[[Funny People]]'' *''[[Furry Vengeance]]'' {{Col-end}} ==Requested== ===D=== {{Col-begin}} {{Col-3}} *''[[D.A.R.Y.L.]]'' *''[[Daddy's Little Girls]]'' *''[[Dames]]'' *''[[Dangerous Minds]]'' *''[[Unleashed (film)|Unleashed]]'' (also known as ''[[Danny the Dog (movie)|Danny the Dog]]'') *''[[Dark Side of the Moon (film)|Dark Side of the Moon]]'' *[[The Dark Side of the Moon (1986 film)|''Dark Side of the Moon'', ''The'']] (1986) *''[[Darling Lili]]'' *''[[Date Night]]'' *''[[Daylight (film)|Daylight]]'' *''[[Death at a Funeral (2007 film)|Death at a Funeral]]'' (2007) *''[[Death at a Funeral (2010 film)|Death at a Funeral]]'' (2010) *''[[Dear John]]'' *''[[Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid]]'' *''[[Death Note The Last Name]]'' *''[[Death Proof]]'' *''[[Deep Blue Sea]]'' *''[[Deep Cover]]'' *''[[Defiance (1980 film)|Defiance]]'' (1980) {{col-3}} *''[[Definitely, Maybe]]'' *''[[Deliver Us from Evil (1973 film)|Deliver Us from Evil]]'' (1973) *''[[Deliver Us from Evil (2006 film)|Deliver Us from Evil]]'' (2006) *''[[Deliver Us from Evil (2009 film)|Deliver Us from Evil]]'' (2009) *''[[Dennis the Menace (film)|Dennis the Menace]]'' *''[[Desk Set]]'' *''[[Desperate Hours]]'' *''[[Diary of a Mad Black Woman]]'' *''[[Die you Zombie Bastards]]'' *''[[Diggstown]]'' *''[[Dil Chahta Hai]]'' *''[[Dinner at Eight]]'' *''[[Dirty Deeds (1996 film)|Dirty Deeds]]'' (1996) *''[[Dirty Deeds (2002 film)|Dirty Deeds]]'' (2002) *''[[Dirty Deeds (2005 film)|Dirty Deeds]]'' (2005) *''[[Dirty Love]]'' *''[[Dirty Work (1933 film)|Dirty Work]]'' (1933) *''[[Dirty Work (1934 film)|Dirty Work]]'' (1934) *''[[Disney's The Kid]]'' {{col-3}} *''[[Disney's War Heroes]]'' *''[[Dogtown and Z Boys]]'' *''[[Dolphin Tale]]'' *''[[Dolphin Tale 2]]'' *''[[Domino (film)|Domino]]'' *''[[Don't Eat the Pictures]]'' *[[The Doom Generation|''Doom Generation'', ''The'']] *''[[Downfall (1997 film)|Downfall]]'' (1997) *''[[Drag Me to Hell]]'' *''[[Dragonfly (1976 film)|Dragonfly]]'' (1976) *''[[Dragonfly (2001 film)|Dragonfly]]'' (2001) *''[[Dragonfly (2002 film)|Dragonfly]]'' (2002) *''[[Dragon ball Z battle of gods]]''(2015) *''[[Dragon Hunters (2008 film)|Dragon Hunters]]'' *''[[Dream for an Insomniac]]'' *''[[Drillbit Taylor]]'' *''[[Duke and the Great Pie War]]'' *''[[Duma (film)|Duma]]'' *''[[Dragon Ball Super:Broly]]'' {{Col-end}} ===E=== {{Col-begin}} {{Col-3}} * ''[[Eagle Eye]]'' * ''[[An Easter Carol|Easter Carol, An]]'' * ''[[The Egyptian King (2000 film)|Egyptian King, The]]'' * ''[[Eight Below]]'' * ''[[El Super Beasto]]'' * ''[[Elektra]]'' * ''[[The Elephant Man | Elephant Man, The]]'' * ''[[The Elkton Chronicles|Elkton Chronicles, The]]'' * ''[[Ellie Parker]]'' * ''[[Elysium (film)|Elysium]]'' * ''[[Emperor of the North]]'' * ''[[The Emperor's New Clothes: An All-Star Illustrated Retelling of the Classic Fairy Tale]]'' {{col-3}} * ''[[Employee of the Month]]'' * ''[[Endangered Species (1982 film)|Endangered Species]]'' (1982) * ''[[Endangered Species (2002 film)|Endangered Species]]'' (2002) * ''[[Enough]]'' * ''[[Ernest Goes to Africa]]'' * ''[[Ernest Goes to School]]'' * ''[[Ernest in the Army]]'' * ''[[Ernest Rides Again]]'' * ''[[Escape from Mars]]'' * ''[[Escape to Athena]]'' * ''[[Escape to Witch Mountain]]'' {{col-3}} * ''[[Equinox (1970 film)|Equinox]]'' (1970) * ''[[Equinox (1992 film)|Equinox]]'' (1992) * ''[[Evening (film)|Evening]]'' * ''[[Exam (2009)|Exam]]'' * ''[[eXistenZ]]'' * ''[[Exit Sunset Boulevard]]'' * ''[[The Eye|Eye, The]]'' * ''[[Eyewitness (1956 film)|Eyewitness]]'' (1956) * ''[[Eyewitness (1970 film)|Eyewitness]]'' (1970) * ''[[Eyewitness (1981 film)|Eyewitness]]'' (1981) * ''[[Eyewitness (1999 film)|Eyewitness]]'' (1999) {{Col-end}} ===F=== {{Col-begin}} {{Col-3}} * [[La face cachée de la lune|''Face cachée de la lune'', ''La'']] (also known as ''[[Far Side of the Moon (film)|Far Side of the Moon]]'') * ''[[Fair Game (1986 film)|Fair Game]]'' (1986) * ''[[Fair Game (1994 film)|Fair Game]]'' (1994) * ''[[Fair Game (1995 film)|Fair Game]]'' (1995) * ''[[Fair Game (2005 film)|Fair Game]]'' (2005) * ''[[Fair Game (2010 film)|Fair Game]]'' (2010) * ''[[Fallen Angels]]'' * [[The Family Stone|''Family Stone'', ''The'']] * ''[[Fanboys (film)|Fanboys]]'' * ''[[Fantasia (1988 film)|Fantasia]]'' * ''[[Far and Away]]'' * ''[[Far from Home: The Adventures of Yellow Dog]]'' * ''[[Fearless (1978 film)|Fearless]]'' (1978) * ''[[Fearless (1993 film)|Fearless]]'' (1993) * ''[[Feast of Love]]'' * ''[[Fido (film)|Fido]]'' * ''[[Fighting (film)|Fighting]]'' * [[The Fighting Temptations|''Fighting Temptations'', ''The'']] {{col-3}} * [[La Fille Sur Le Pont|''Fille Sur Le Pont'', ''La'']] * ''[[Firehouse Dog]]'' * ''[[First Daughter]]'' * ''[[First Sunday]]'' * [[The Five People You Meet In Heaven|''Five People You Meet In Heaven'', ''The'']] * ''[[Flesh and Bone]]'' * ''[[Flight of the Phoenix, The|The Flight of the Phoenix]]'' (1965) * ''[[Flipper (1963 film)|Flipper]]'' (1963) * ''[[Flipper's New Adventure]]'' * ''[[Fly Away Home]]'' * ''[[Flying Leathernecks]]'' * ''[[Fool's Gold (1919 film)|Fool's Gold]]'' (1919) * ''[[Fool's Gold (1947 film)|Fool's Gold]]'' (1947) * ''[[Fool's Gold (1998 film)|Fool's Gold]]'' (1998) * ''[[Fool's Gold (2005 film)|Fool's Gold]]'' (2005) * ''[[Fool's Gold (2006 film)|Fool's Gold]]'' (2006) * ''[[Fool's Gold (2008 film)|Fool's Gold]]'' (2008) * [[The Foot Fist Way|''Foot Fist Way'', ''The'']] {{col-3}} * ''[[For Love or Money]]'' * ''[[Forget Paris]]'' * ''[[Fortress (1986 film)|Fortress]]'' (1986) * ''[[Fortress (1992 film)|Fortress]]'' (1992) * ''[[Fortress (2011 film)|Fortress]]'' (2011) * [[The Fortress (film)|''Fortress'', ''The'']] (1979) * ''[[Freaky Friday (1976 film)|Freaky Friday]]'' (1976) * ''[[Freaky Friday (1995 film)|Freaky Friday]]'' (1995) * ''[[Fred Claus]]'' * ''[[French Kiss (1995 film)|French Kiss]]'' (1995) * ''[[French Kiss (2011 film)|French Kiss]]'' (2011) * ''[[French Kiss (2015 film)|French Kiss]]'' (2015) * ''[[Fresh Horses]]'' * ''[[Friends with Money]]'' * ''[[From Justin to Kelly]]'' * ''[[Funny Face (musical)|Funny Face]]'' * ''[[Find Me Guilty]]'' * ''[[From Paris With Love]]'' {{Col-end}} ==Notes== '''When adding a title to the Requested section, please check first to see if it is already in the list (either under the main or the Requested section).''' If it isn't, you might also check to see if the article exists (by entering the title in the Search box and pressing Go), as some editors may have forgotten to add their new film articles to this list. '''When you add a title to this list, please add it in proper alphabetical order within the appropriate section.''' When creating a page for a film, please include the year the film was released and list key creators of the film, as well as the quotations from it. After the quotations, please provide a list of major members of the cast. Links to the [[w:Internet Movie Database|IMDb]] and other sites with reviews or trailers can all be helpful additions. See this article's [[Talk:List of films|discussion page]] and [[Wikiquote talk:Templates#Films & TV Shows|Templates#Films & TV Shows]] for discussions and examples of formats for film articles. After a film article has been created, the link on this page will be blue. Please move these titles into the main (existing article) section after creating the show article. If you would like Wikiquote to be the ultimate resource for film quotations, please help us expand film articles that need attention, which are listed at [[:Category:Film stubs|Film stubs]] and [[:Category:Film cleanup|Film cleanup]] [[:Category:Wikiquote maintenance|categories]]. ==See also== {{media lists}} * [[w:AFI's 100 Years...100 Movie Quotes|AFI's 100 Years...100 Movie Quotes]] (greatest movie quotes) *[[List of films (A–C)]] *[[List of films (G–I)]] *[[List of films (J–L)]] *[[List of films (M–O)]] *[[List of films (P–S)]] *[[List of films (T–V)]] *[[List of films (W–Z)]] [[Category:Films|*]] [[Category:Lists|films]] [[Category:Lists of films]] dp2iguhgie43cph14v580te36bn1ff8 0 178504 3778496 3457987 2025-07-14T12:26:12Z UDScott 4304 ±[[Category:Academics from the United Kingdom]]→[[Category:Academics from England]]; ±[[Category:Architects]]→[[Category:Architects from England]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778496 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Edwin Lutyens.jpg|thumb|Edwin Lutyens in 1921]] '''[[w:Edwin Lutyens|Sir Edwin Landseer Lutyens]]''' ([[29 March]] [[1869]] – [[1 January]] [[1944]]) was a British architect best known for having an instrumental role in designing and building [[New Delhi]]. {{Architect-stub}} ==Quotes== * If one was told that monkeys had built it, one could only say, 'What wonderful monkeys — they must be shot in case they do it again.' ** 1912, on seeing the British government buildings of [[Shimla]], in a letter to his wife. Published in ''The letters of Edwin Lutyens to his wife Lady Emily'' (1985) by Clayre Percy and Jane Ridley. p. 245. ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{commonscat}} * [http://www.lutyenstrust.org.uk/ The Lutyens Trust] {{DEFAULTSORT:Lutyens, Edwin}} [[Category:1869 births]] [[Category:1944 deaths]] [[Category:Academics from England]] [[Category:Architects from England]] [[Category:People from London]] rpegsjfloq3o4uhwy03zyzkha7xh2c0 0 178574 3778861 3774816 2025-07-14T21:00:16Z 174.197.204.145 /* I */ 3778861 wikitext text/x-wiki __NOTOC__ This is a '''list of films:''' ---- [[List of films (A–C)##|#]] - [[List of films (A–C)#A|A]] - [[List of films (A–C)#B|B]] - [[List of films (A–C)#C|C]] - [[List of films (D–F)#D|D]] - [[List of films (D–F)#E|E]] - [[List of films (D–F)#F|F]] - [[List of films (G–I)#G|G]] - [[List of films (G–I)#H|H]] - [[List of films (G–I)#I|I]] - [[List of films (J–L)#J|J]] - [[List of films (J-L)#K|K]] - [[List of films (J-L)#L|L]] - [[List of films (M-O)#M|M]] - [[List of films (M-O)#N|N]] - [[List of films (M-O)#O|O]] - [[List of films (P–S)#P|P]] - [[List of films (P–S)#Q|Q]] - [[List of films (P–S)#R|R]] - [[List of films (P–S)#S|S]] - [[List of films (T–V)#T|T]] - [[List of films (T–V)#U|U]] - [[List of films (T–V)#V|V]] - [[List of films (W–Z)#W|W]] - [[List of films (W–Z)#X|X]] - [[List of films (W–Z)#Y|Y]] - [[List of films (W–Z)#Z|Z]] ==Existing== ===G=== {{Col-begin}} {{Col-3}} * ''[[G-Force]]'' * ''[[Galaxy Quest]]'' * ''[[Gallipoli (1981 film)|Gallipoli]]'' * ''[[Game 6]]'' * ''[[The Game|Game, The]]'' * ''[[The Game Plan|Game Plan, The]]'' * ''[[Gandhi (film)|Gandhi]]'' * ''[[Gangs of New York]]'' * ''[[Garden State]]'' * ''[[Garfield (film)|Garfield]]'' * ''[[Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties]]'' * ''[[Gaslight (1944 film)|Gaslight]]'' (1944) * ''[[Gates of Heaven]]'' * ''[[Gattaca]]'' * ''[[Geek Charming]]'' * ''[[The General's Daughter|General's Daughter, The]]'' * ''[[Gentleman Prefer Blondes]]'' * ''[[George of the Jungle (film)|George of the Jungle]]'' * ''[[Georgia Rule]]'' * ''[[Geostorm]]'' * ''[[Get a Clue]]'' * ''[[Get Carter]]'' * ''[[Get Out (film)|Get Out]]'' * ''[[Get Shorty]]'' * ''[[The Getaway (1972 film)|Getaway, The]]'' (1972) * ''[[The Getaway (1994 film)|Getaway, The]]'' (1994) * ''[[Gettysburg (film)|Gettysburg]]'' * ''[[Ghostbusters]]'' (1984) * ''[[Ghostbusters (2016 film)|Ghostbusters]]'' (2016) * ''[[Ghostbusters II]]'' (1989) * ''[[Ghostbusters: Afterlife]]'' (2021) * ''[[Ghost Dog: The Way of the Samurai]]'' * ''[[Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence]]'' (2004) * ''[[Ghost Rider (2007 film)|Ghost Rider]]'' (2007) * ''[[Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance]]'' (2011) * ''[[Ghosts (1997)|Ghosts]]'' (1997) * ''[[Ghost Ship (2002 film)|Ghost Ship]]'' (2002) * ''[[Ghost World (film)|Ghost World]]'' * ''[[G.I. Jane]]'' * ''[[G.I. Joe: Retaliation]]'' * ''[[Giant (1956 film)|Giant]]'' (1956) * ''[[The Giant Claw|Giant Claw, The]]'' * ''[[Girl, Interrupted]]'' * ''[[The Girl Next Door|Girl Next Door, The]]'' {{Col-3}} * ''[[Girls Will Be Girls]]'' * ''[[Gladiator (film)|Gladiator]]'' * ''[[Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery]]'' * ''[[Glen or Glenda]]'' * ''[[The Glenn Miller Story|Glenn Miller Story, The]]'' * ''[[Glengarry Glen Ross (film)|Glengarry Glen Ross]]'' * ''[[Gleason (2002 film)|Gleason]]'' * ''[[Glory (film)|Glory]]'' * ''[[Glory Road]]'' * ''[[Gnomeo and Juliet]]'' * ''[[Go (1999 film)|Go]]'' (1999) * ''[[The Godfather|Godfather, The]]'' * ''[[The Godfather: Part II|Godfather, The: Part II]]'' * ''[[The Godfather: Part III|Godfather, The: Part III]]'' * ''[[The Gods Must Be Crazy|Gods Must Be Crazy, The]]'' * ''[[Godzilla: King of the Monsters (2019 film)|Godzilla: King of the Monsters]]'' * ''[[Godzilla vs. Kong]]'' * ''[[Goldfinger]]'' * ''[[Gold Diggers of Broadway]]'' * ''[[Gone Baby Gone]]'' * ''[[Gone in 60 seconds]]'' * ''[[Gone with the Wind]]'' * ''[[The Good Girl|Good Girl, The]]'' * ''[[Good Boys (film)|Good Boys]]'' * ''[[Good Burger]]'' * ''[[The Goodbye Girl|Goodbye Girl, The]]'' * ''[[Good Bye Lenin!]]'' * ''[[Goodfellas]]'' * ''[[Good Luck Charlie, It's Christmas!]]'' * ''[[Good Luck Chuck]]'' * ''[[Good Morning, Vietnam]]'' * ''[[Good Night, and Good Luck.]]'' * ''[[The Good Son (film)|Good Son, The]]'' * ''[[Good Will Hunting]]'' * ''[[A Good Year|Good Year, A]]'' * ''[[The Good, the Bad and the Ugly|Good, the Bad and the Ugly, The]]'' * ''[[A Goofy Movie|Goofy Movie, A]]'' * ''[[The Goonies|Goonies, The]]'' * ''[[Goosebumps 2: Haunted Halloween]]'' * ''[[Gorilla My Dreams]]'' * ''[[Gosford Park]]'' * ''[[Gotti]]'' {{Col-3}} * ''[[The Graduate|Graduate, The]]'' * ''[[Graffiti Bridge]]'' * ''[[The Grand Budapest Hotel|Grand Budapest Hotel, The]]'' * ''[[Grand Canyon (1991 film)|Grand Canyon]]'' (1991) * ''[[A Grand Day Out|Grand Day Out, A]]'' * ''[[Grand Hotel (film)|Grand Hotel]]'' * ''[[Le Grand Voyage|Grand Voyage, Le]]'' * ''[[Grandma's Boy]]'' * ''[[The Grapes of Wrath (film)|Grapes of Wrath, The]]'' (1940) * ''[[Gravity (film)|Gravity]]'' * ''[[The Great Dictator|Great Dictator, The]]'' * ''[[The Greatest Showman|Greatest Showman, The]]'' * ''[[Great Expectations (1998 film)|Great Expectations]]'' * ''[[Grease (film)|Grease]]'' * ''[[Grease 2]]'' * ''[[The Great Debaters|Great Debaters, The]]'' * ''[[The Great Escape|Great Escape, The]]'' * ''[[The Great Mouse Detective|Great Mouse Detective, The]]'' * ''[[The Great Outdoors|Great Outdoors, The]]'' * ''[[The Greatest Game Ever Played|Greatest Game Ever Played, The]]'' * ''[[Green for Danger]]'' * ''[[Green Book (film)|Green Book]]'' * ''[[The Green Hornet (film)|Green Hornet, The]]'' * ''[[The Green Inferno|Green Inferno, The]]'' * ''[[Green Lantern (film)|Green Lantern]]'' * ''[[The Green Mile|Green Mile, The]]'' * ''[[Green Room (film)|Green Room]]'' * ''[[Green Zone (film)|Green Zone]]'' * ''[[Greenberg (film)|Greenberg]]'' * ''[[Gremlins]]'' * ''[[The Grey Zone|Grey Zone, The]]'' * ''[[The Grifters (film)|Grifters, The]]'' * ''[[Grindhouse]]'' * ''[[Groundhog Day (film)|Groundhog Day]]'' * ''[[Grosse Pointe Blank (1997)|Grosse Pointe Blank]]'' * ''[[Grown Ups (2010 film)|Grown Ups]]'' * ''[[Grumpy Old Men (film)|Grumpy Old Men]]'' * ''[[Guardians of the Galaxy (film)|Guardians of the Galaxy]]'' * ''[[Guarding Tess]]'' * ''[[Guess Who]]'' * ''[[Guess Who's Coming to Dinner]]'' * ''[[Gun Crazy]]'' * ''[[Gung Ho (film)|Gung Ho]]'' {{Col-end}} ===H=== {{Col-begin}} {{Col-3}} *''[[Hackers]]'' *''[[Hacksaw Ridge]]'' *''[[Hair (musical)|Hair]]'' *''[[Hairspray (2007 film)|Hairspray]]'' (2007) *''[[Halloween (1978 film)|Halloween]]'' (1978) *''[[Halloween (2007 film)|Halloween]]'' (2007) *''[[Halloween II (1981 film)|Halloween II]]'' (1981) *''[[Halloween II (2009 film)|Halloween II]]'' (2009) *''[[Halloween III: Season of the Witch]]'' (1982) *''[[Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers]]'' (1988) *''[[Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers]]'' (1989) *''[[Halloween H20: 20 Years Later]]'' (1998) *''[[Halloween: Resurrection]]'' (2002) *''[[Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers]]'' (1995) *''[[Halloweentown (film)|Halloweentown]]'' *''[[Half Baked]]'' *''[[Hamburger Hill]]'' *''[[Hamlet 2]]'' *''[[Hammett]]'' *''[[Hammy's Boomerang Adventure]]'' *''[[Hancock (film)|Hancock]]'' *[[The Hangover|''Hangover'', ''The'']] *[[The Hangover Part II|''Hangover Part II'', ''The'']] *[[The Hangover Part III|''Hangover Part III'', ''The'']] *''[[Hannah and Her Sisters]]'' *''[[Hannah Montana: The Movie]]'' *''[[Hannibal (film)|Hannibal]]'' *''[[Hannibal Rising]]'' *[[The Happening (2008 film)|''Happening'', ''The'']] (2008) *''[[Happy Feet]]'' *''[[Happy Feet Two]]'' *''[[Happy Gilmore]]'' *''[[Hard Boiled]]'' *''[[Hard Candy (film)|Hard Candy]]'' *''[[Hard Eight (film)|Hard Eight]]'' *''[[Hard Target]]'' *[[A Hard Day's Night (film)|''Hard Day's Night'', ''A'']] *''[[Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle]]'' *''[[Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay]]'' *''[[Harold and Maude]]'' *''[[Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (film)|Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone]]'' *''[[Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (film)|Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets]]'' *''[[Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (film)|Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban]]'' *''[[Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (film)|Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire]]'' *''[[Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (film)|Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix]]'' *''[[Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (film)|Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince]]'' *''[[Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part 1]]'' *''[[Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part 2]]'' *''[[Harvey (film)|Harvey]]'' *''[[The Hateful Eight|Hateful Eight, The]]'' *''[[Toy Story Toons#Hawaiian Vacation .5B1.5D|Hawaiian Vacation]]'' *''[[He's Just Not That Into You]]'' *''[[He Died With A Felafel In His Hand]]'' *''[[Heat (1995 film)|Heat]]'' (1995) *''[[Head]]'' (1968) *''[[Heartbreak Ridge]]'' *''[[Heathers]]'' *''[[Heavy Traffic‎]]'' *''[[Heavyweights]]'' *''[[Heist (film)|Heist]]'' {{Col-3}} *''[[Hellboy (film)|Hellboy]]'' *''[[Hellboy II: The Golden Army]]'' *''[[Hellraiser (film)|Hellraiser]]'' *''[[Hellbound: Hellraiser II]]'' *''[[Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth]]'' *''[[Hellraiser: Bloodline]]'' *''[[Hellraiser: Inferno]]'' *''[[Hellraiser: Hellseeker]]'' *''[[Hellraiser: Deader]]'' *''[[Hellraiser: Hellworld]]'' *''[[Hello Dolly]]'' (1969) *''[[Hell or High Water (film)|Hell or High Water]]'' (2016) *''[[Help!]]'' *''[[Her (film)|Her]]'' *''[[Herbie: Fully Loaded]]'' *''[[Herbie Goes Bananas]]'' *''[[Herbie Goes to Monte Carlo]]'' *''[[Herbie Rides Again]]'' *''[[Hercules (1997 film)|Hercules]]'' (1997) *''[[Hereditary (film)|Hereditary]]'' *''[[Hero (film)|Hero]]'' *''[[Hey Arnold!: The Movie]]'' *''[[Hey Arnold!: The Jungle Movie]]'' *''[[Hey Good Lookin']]'' *''[[Hey There, It's Yogi Bear!]]'' *''[[Hidden Figures]]'' *''[[The Hidden Fortress|Hidden Fortress, The]]'' *''[[High and Low (1963 film)|High and Low]]'' (1963) *''[[Hide and Seek]]'' *''[[High Fidelity (film)|High Fidelity]]'' *''[[High Noon]]'' *''[[Highlander (film)|Highlander]]'' (series) *''[[High School Musical]]'' *''[[High School Musical 2]]'' *''[[High School Musical 3]]'' *''[[High Road To China]]'' *[[The Hills Have Eyes (2006 film)|''Hills Have Eyes'', ''The'']] (2006) *''[[The Hills Have Eyes 2]]'' *''[[His Girl Friday]]'' *[[The History Boys|''History Boys'', ''The'']] *''[[History of the World: Part I]]'' *[[A History of Violence (film)|''History of Violence'', ''A'']] *''[[Hitch (film)|Hitch]]'' *[[The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (film)|''Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy'', ''The'']] *''[[Hitler: The Rise of Evil]]'' *[[The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey|''Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey'', ''The'']] *[[The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug|''Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug'', ''The'']] *''[[Hocus Pocus (1993 film)|Hocus Pocus]]'' (1993) *''[[The Holdovers|Holdovers, The]]'' *''[[Holes (film)|Holes]]'' *[[The Holiday|''Holiday'', ''The'']] *''[[Holiday for Drumsticks]]'' *''[[Holiday Inn (film)|Holiday Inn]]'' *''[[Hollow Man]]'' *''[[Hollywood Homicide]]'' *''[[Hollywood Shuffle]]'' *''[[Home (2015 film)|Home]]'' (2015) *''[[Home Alone]]'' *''[[Home Alone 2: Lost in New York]]'' *''[[Home Alone 3]]'' *''[[Home Alone 4]]'' {{Col-3}} *''[[Home Alone: The Holiday Heist]]'' *''[[Home for the Holidays]]'' *''[[Home on the Range (2004 film)|Home on the Range]]'' *''[[Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey]]'' *''[[Homeward Bound II: Lost in San Francisco]]'' *''[[Homicide (1991 film)|Homicide]]'' (1991) *''[[Honey (2003 film)|Honey]]'' (2003) *''[[Honey, I Shrunk The Kids]]'' *''[[Honeymoon in Vegas]]'' *''[[Hoodwinked]]'' *''[[Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil]]'' *''[[Hook (film)|Hook]]'' *''[[Hoosiers]]'' *''[[Horrible Bosses]]'' *''[[Horror Express]]'' *''[[Horse Feathers]]'' *[[The Hospital|''Hospital'', ''The'']] *''[[Hostel (2005 film)|Hostel]]'' (2005) *''[[Hostel: Part II]]'' *''[[Hotel for Dogs]]'' *''[[Hotel Mumbai]]'' *''[[Hotel Rwanda]]'' *''[[Hotel Transylvania]]'' *''[[Hotel Transylvania 2]]'' *''[[Hotel Transylvania 3: Summer Vacation]]'' *[[The Hot Chick|''Hot Chick'', ''The'']] *''[[Hot Fuzz]]'' *''[[Hot Rod (film)|Hot Rod]]'' *''[[Hot Shots!]]'' *''[[Hot Shots! Part Deux]]'' *''[[The Hound of the Baskervilles (1939 film)|Hound of the Baskervilles, The]]'' (1939) *[[The Hours (film)|''Hours'', ''The'']] *''[[House Arrest]]'' *[[The House Bunny|''House Bunny'', ''The'']] *''[[House of Bloo's]]'' *''[[House of Usher (film)|House of Usher]]'' *''[[House on Haunted Hill (1999 film)|House on Haunted Hill]]'' (1999) *''[[How Green Was My Valley (film)|How Green Was My Valley]]'' *''[[How the Grinch Stole Christmas! (TV special)|How the Grinch Stole Christmas!]]'' (1966 cartoon TV movie) *''[[How the Grinch Stole Christmas (film)|How the Grinch Stole Christmas]]'' (2000 live-action movie) *''[[How the West Was Won (film)|How the West Was Won]]'' *''[[How to Be Single (2016)]]'' *''[[How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days]]'' *''[[How to Train Your Dragon]]'' *''[[How to Train Your Dragon 2]]'' *''[[Howard the Duck (film)|Howard the Duck]]'' *''[[Howl's Moving Castle]]'' *[[The Howling (film)|''Howling'', ''The'']] *''[[Hud (film)|Hud]]'' *[[The Hudsucker Proxy|''Hudsucker Proxy'', ''The'']] *''[[Hugo (film)|Hugo]]'' *''[[Hulk (film)|Hulk]]'' *''[[The Human Comedy (film)|Human Comedy, The]]'' *''[[Human Traffic]]'' *[[The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996 film)|''Hunchback of Notre Dame'', ''The'']] (1996) *[[The Hunchback of Notre Dame II|''Hunchback of Notre Dame II'', ''The'']] (2002) *[[The Hunger Games (film)|''Hunger Games'', ''The'']] *[[The Hunt for Red October (film)|''Hunt for Red October'', ''The'']] *[[The Hurricane (1999 film)|''Hurricane'', ''The'']] (1999) *[[The Hurt Locker|''Hurt Locker'', ''The'']] *[[The Hustler (film)|''Hustler'', ''The'']] {{Col-end}} ===I=== {{Col-begin}} {{Col-3}} *''[[I Am a Fugitive from a Chain Gang]]'' *''[[I Am Legend]]'' *''[[I Am Sam]]'' *''[[I Heart Huckabees]]'' *''[[I Know What You Did Last Summer]]'' *''[[I Love You, Man]]'' *''[[I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry]]'' *''[[I Origins]]'' * ''[[I, Frankenstein]]'' *''[[I, Robot]]'' *''[[I Still Know What You Did Last Summer]]'' *''[[Ice Age (2002 film)|Ice Age]]'' *''[[Ice Age: The Meltdown]]'' *''[[Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs]]'' *''[[Ice Age: A Mammoth Christmas]]'' *''[[Ice Age: Continental Drift]]'' *''[[Ice Age: Collision Course]]'' *''[[Ice Princess]]'' *''[[Identity Thief]]'' *[[The Ides of March (film)|''Ides of March'', ''The'']] *''[[Idiocracy]]'' *''[[Idle Hands]]'' *''[[If....]]'' *''[[If Beale Street Could Talk (film)|If Beale Street Could Talk]]'' *''[[If Only (film)|If Only]]'' *''[[Ikiru]]'' *''[[Il Postino]]'' *[[The Illusionist|''Illusionist'', ''The'']] *''[[I'm Mad]]'' *''[[Imagine Me & You]]'' *''[[I'm No Angel]]'' *''[[I'm Not There]]'' *[[The Imitation Game|''Imitation Game'', ''The'']] *[[The Impossible (2012 film)|''Impossible'', ''The'']] (2012) *''[[In & Out]]'' {{Col-3}} *''[[In a Lonely Place]]'' *''[[In Bruges]]'' *''[[Inception]]'' *''[[In Cold Blood (film)|In Cold Blood]]'' *[[An Inconvenient Truth|''Inconvenient Truth'', ''An'']] *[[The Incredible Hulk|''Incredible Hulk'', ''The'']] *''[[Incredibles 2]]'' *[[The Incredibles|''Incredibles'', ''The'']] *''[[Independence Day (film)|Independence Day]]'' *''[[Independence Day: Resurgence]]'' *''[[Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull]]'' *''[[Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade]]'' *''[[Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom]]'' *''[[Inferno]]'' *''[[Inglorious Basterds]]'' *''[[In Her Shoes]]'' *''[[Inherent Vice]]'' *''[[Inkheart (film)|Inkheart]]'' *''[[Innerspace]]'' *''[[In the Heat of the Night (film)|In the Heat of the Night]]'' * ''[[In the Heights (film)|In the Heights]]'' *''[[In the Line of Fire]]'' *''[[In The Loop]]'' *''[[In the Mood for Love]]'' *''[[In the Name of the Father (film)|In the Name of the Father]]'' *''[[Into the Blue]]'' * ''[[Into the Storm (2014 film)|Into the Storm]]'' *''[[Into the Wild (film)|Into the Wild]]'' *''[[Inside Man]]'' *''[[Inside Monkey Zetterland]]'' *''[[Inside Out (2015 film)|Inside Out]]'' (2015) *''[[Inspector Gadget (film)|Inspector Gadget]]'' *''[[Inspector Gadget 2]]'' *''[[Instant Family]]'' *[[The Instigators|''Instigators'', ''The'']] *''[[Internal Affairs (film)|Internal Affairs]]'' {{Col-3}} *''[[Interview with the Vampire]]'' *''[[Intolerable Cruelty]]'' *''[[Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956 film)|Invasion of the Body Snatchers]]'' (1956) *''[[Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978 film)|Invasion of the Body Snatchers]]'' (1978) *''[[Inventing the Abbotts]]'' *''[[Invictus (film)|Invictus]]'' * ''[[The Invisible Man (film)|Invisible Man, The]]'' * ''[[The Invisible Man (2020 film)|Invisible Man, The]]'' (2020) * ''[[The Invitation (2015 film)|Invitation, The]]'' (2015) *''[[Ip Man|Ip Man]]'' *''[[Ip Man 2]]'' *''[[I.Q.]]'' *''[[Iron Man (film)|Iron Man]]'' *''[[Iron Man 2]]'' *''[[Iron Man 3]]'' *[[The Iron Giant|''Iron Giant'', ''The'']] *''[[Iron Jawed Angels]]'' *[[The Irishman (2019 film)|''Irishman'', ''The'']] *''[[Is It College Yet?]]'' *''[[Is It Fall Yet?]]'' *[[The Island|''Island'', ''The'']] *[[The Island of Dr. Moreau (1996 film)|''Island of Dr. Moreau'', ''The'']] (1996) * ''[[Isle of Dogs (film)|Isle of Dogs]]'' *''[[It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World]]'' *''[[It's a Wonderful Life]]'' *''[[It (1990 film)|It]]'' (1990) *''[[It (2017 film)|It]]'' (2017) *''[[It Conquered the World]]'' *''[[It Follows]]'' *''[[It Happened One Night]]'' *[[It Takes Two (1995 film)|''It Takes Two'']] *[[It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World]] *''[[It's Tough to Be a Bird]]'' *[[The Italian Job (1969 film)|''Italian Job'', ''The'']] (1969) *[[The Italian Job (2003 film)|''Italian Job'', ''The'']] (2003) {{Col-end}} ==Requested== ===G=== {{Col-begin}} {{Col-3}} * ''[[Gambit]]'' * ''[[The Gathering|Gathering, The]]'' * ''[[Get Rich or Die Trying]]'' * ''[[Glitters]]'' * ''[[Goal! (film)|Goal!]]'' * ''[[Gods and Monsters]]'' * ''[[Gone Fishin']]'' * ''[[Good Advice]]'' * ''[[The Good Night|Good Night, The]]'' * ''[[Goon]]'' {{col-3}} * ''[[Go West]]'' * ''[[Goldfish Memory]]'' * ''[[Graduation Day]]'' * ''[[Grand, The]]'' * ''[[The Great Gatsby (film)|Great Gatsby, The]]'' * ''[[Great Sinner, The]]'' * ''[[The Great White Hype|Great White Hype, The]]'' * ''[[Green Street Hooligans]]'' * ''[[Grind]]'' * ''[[Grizzly Man]]'' {{col-3}} * ''[[The Grudge|Grudge, The]]'' * ''[[The Grudge 2|Grudge 2, The]]'' * ''[[Grumpier Old Men]]'' * ''[[The Guardian (2006 film)|Guardian, The]]'' (2006) * ''[[Guilty By Suspicion]]'' * ''[[Gunmen]]'' * ''[[The Guru|Guru, The]]'' * ''[[A Guy Thing|Guy Thing, A]]'' * ''[[G.I. Joe: The Movie]]'' {{Col-end}} ===H=== {{Col-begin}} {{Col-3}} * ''[[Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters]]'' * ''[[Happily N'ever After]]'' * ''[[Happy Go Lucky]]'' * ''[[Happy Together]]'' * ''[[Happy Unhappiness Day To You]]'' * ''[[Hard Ball]]'' * ''[[Harry & Son]]'' * ''[[Harry and Tonto]]'' * ''[[Hating Alison Ashley]]'' * ''[[Hawaii (film)|Hawaii]]'' * ''[[Heaven's Gate]]'' * ''[[Heavy Metal]]'' * ''[[Heavy Metal 2000]]'' * ''[[Head of State]]'' * ''[[Hell Ride]]'' {{col-3}} * ''[[Her Minor Thing]]'' * ''[[Hidalgo]]'' * ''[[The Hindenburg (film)|Hindenburg, The]]'' * ''[[The Hills Have Eyes (1977 film)|Hills Have Eyes, The]]'' (1977) * ''[[The Hills Have Eyes Part II|Hills Have Eyes Part II, The]]'' (1985) * ''[[Mind Ripper]]'' (also known as ''[[The Hills Have Eyes III]]'', ''[[The Outpost]]'', and ''[[The Hills Still Have Eyes]]'') * [[The Hitcher (2007 film)|''Hitcher'', ''The'']] (2007) * ''[[Hollow Man 2]]'' * ''[[Honey (1930 film)|Honey]]'' (1930)<!--''[[Honey (2003 film)|Honey]]'' (2003) is in the existing films section--> * ''[[Honey 2]]'' * ''[[Honey 3]]'' * ''[[Hood of Horror]]'' {{col-3}} * ''[[Hoot]]'' * [[The Host|''Host'', ''The'']] * ''[[Hot Blood]]'' * [[The Hotel Manor Inn|''Hotel Manor Inn'', ''The'']] * ''[[Hot Pursuit]]'' * ''[[Hotel Transylvania 5]]'' * ''[[House of Fools]]'' * ''[[How High]]'' * ''[[How to Get Ahead in Advertising]]'' * ''[[How to Steal a Million]]'' * [[Le huitième jour|''Huitième jour'', ''Le'']] * ''[[Hurlyburly]]'' * ''[[Hustle & Flow]]'' * ''[[Heavenly Forest]]'' {{Col-end}} ===I=== {{Col-begin}} {{Col-3}} * ''[[I Dreamed of Africa]]'' * ''[[I Know Who Killed Me]]'' * ''[[I Love You Beth Cooper]]'' * ''[[iMurders]]'' * ''[[I Think I Love My Wife]]'' * ''[[I, Tonya]]'' * ''[[I Was a Teenage Zombie]]'' * ''[[Ice Spiders]]'' * ''[[Ichigo Momomiya's Evolution]]'' * ''[[Identity (2003 film)|Identity]]'' (2003) * ''[[Igby Goes Down]]'' * ''[[Illegally Yours]]'' {{col-3}} * ''[[Immortals (2011)|Immortals]]'' * ''[[The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus|Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus, The]]'' * ''[[The Inbetweeners Movie (2011)|Inbetweeners Movie, The]]'' * ''[[The Inbetweeners 2 (2014)|Inbetweeners 2, The]]'' * ''[[The Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls in Love|Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls in Love, The]]'' * ''[[The Indian Runner|Indian Runner, The]]'' * ''[[Intermission]]'' * ''[[Interstate 60]]'' * ''[[Intimate Relations (1953 film)|Intimate Relations]]'' (1953) * ''[[Intimate Relations (1996 film)|Intimate Relations]]'' (1996) * ''[[Into the Night (film)|Into the Night]]'' * ''[[In Fear]]'' {{col-3}} * ''[[In Good Company (2000 film)|In Good Company]]'' (2000) * ''[[In Good Company (2004 film)|In Good Company]]'' (2004) * ''[[In the Land of Women]]'' * ''[[In the Mouth of Madness]]'' * ''[[Investigating Sex]]'' * ''[[Immortal Beloved]]'' * ''[[The Iron Lady|Iron Lady, The]]'' * ''[[I Saw the TV Glow]]'' * ''[[I Want Candy]]'' * ''[[Invincible (2006 film)|Invincible]]'' (2006) * ''[[Irreconcilable Differences]]'' *''[[Incredible_India_(film)]]'' {{Col-end}} ==Notes== '''When adding a title to the Requested section, please check first to see if it is already in the list (either under the main or the Requested section).''' If it isn't, you might also check to see if the article exists (by entering the title in the Search box and pressing Go), as some editors may have forgotten to add their new film articles to this list. '''When you add a title to this list, please add it in proper alphabetical order within the appropriate section.''' When creating a page for a film, please include the year the film was released and list key creators of the film, as well as the quotations from it. After the quotations, please provide a list of major members of the cast. Links to the [[w:Internet Movie Database|IMDb]] and other sites with reviews or trailers can all be helpful additions. See this article's [[Talk:List of films|discussion page]] and [[Wikiquote talk:Templates#Films & TV Shows|Templates#Films & TV Shows]] for discussions and examples of formats for film articles. After a film article has been created, the link on this page will be blue. Please move these titles into the main (existing article) section after creating the show article. If you would like Wikiquote to be the ultimate resource for film quotations, please help us expand film articles that need attention, which are listed at [[:Category:Film stubs|Film stubs]] and [[:Category:Film cleanup|Film cleanup]] [[:Category:Wikiquote maintenance|categories]]. ==See also== {{media lists}} * [[w:AFI's 100 Years...100 Movie Quotes|AFI's 100 Years...100 Movie Quotes]] (greatest movie quotes) *[[List of films (A–C)]] *[[List of films (D–F)]] *[[List of films (J–L)]] *[[List of films (M–O)]] *[[List of films (P–S)]] *[[List of films (T–V)]] *[[List of films (W–Z)]] [[Category:Films|*]] [[Category:Lists|films]] [[Category:Lists of films]] n7x3bf28e7uxv760ehf1cx6inf52k1y 14 178946 3778611 2710424 2025-07-14T12:49:08Z UDScott 4304 Moving from [[Category:Activists]] to [[Category:Activists by issue]] using [[c:Help:Cat-a-lot|Cat-a-lot]] 3778611 wikitext text/x-wiki {{Wikipediacat}} [[Category:Activists by issue]] [[Category:Tax]] ggktvpb0wq9upv37fzc1omc196h4ocs 0 179828 3778830 3778051 2025-07-14T19:57:55Z 2600:1004:B0AB:49BD:DC4D:D333:6094:3C75 /* Nani Pelekai */ 3778830 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Lilo & Stitch 2: Stitch Has a Glitch|Lilo & Stitch 2: Stitch Has a Glitch]]''''' is a 2005 [[w:direct-to-video|direct-to-video]] [[w:animation|animated]] film produced by [[w:DisneyToon Studios|DisneyToon Studios]]. It is a sequel to the 2002 film ''[[Lilo & Stitch]]''. :''Directed by [[w:Tony Leondis|Tony Leondis]] and Michael LaBash.&nbsp; Written by Tony Leondis, Michael LaBash, Eddie Guzelian, and [[w:Alexa Junge|Alexa Junge]].'' == Stitch == * No, Lilo. Too dangerous. * ''[last words; to Lilo]'' Stitch sorry. == Lilo Pelekai == * There's no way I can do this. Just because my mom was a great hula dancer doesn't mean I am. The only thing I know I inherited from her is, well, Nani. What if Mertle's right and everything I do ''is'' gonna be stinky? Maybe I'm just stinky, like cheese. But my mom was beautiful like an orchid and graceful like a wave. I'll never be like her. * When Elvis was in the army, he got things done. Here's a map that shows every place Elvis went to in Kauai. Our mission: is to go to these places, where the King will give us the idea for our hula. * I know it's hard to keep the faith sometimes, but if you don't give up on Elvis, Elvis won't give up on you. == Nani Pelekai == * ''[to Lilo; last line]'' Mom would be so proud of you. == David Kawena == Random == Dr. Jumba Jookiba == * Get him into the fusion chamber before his energy runs out! It's your only chance! * ''[to Stitch, now wills glitches in the control the ship]'' He's lost control of ship! * ''[as he sees Stitch dead; frowning in sorrow]'' We're too late. == Dialogue == :'''Lilo''': Can we take the hovercraft? Please? :'''Nani''': It's too dangerous. Besides, someone may see you. :'''Lilo and Stitch''': Please? :'''Nani''': All right, you can take it if you can find it. :'''Lilo''': Yes! ''[runs off with Stitch]'' :'''Nani''': ''[to Pleakley]'' I hid it so good this time, they're never- :'''Lilo''': ''[on the hovercraft, by the window]'' Thanks, Nani! ''[flies off with Stitch]'' :'''Nani''': ''[moaning]'' Aw! I gotta find a better hiding place for that thing. <hr width=50%/> :'''Moses/Kumu''': Girls, I have very exciting news. This week is our May Day... :'''Lilo''': ''[showing up late]'' Sorry I'm late. ''[runs up on the stage]'' But wait till you see this. I got my 'uli'uli technique down. :'''Moses/Kumu''': Lilo... :'''Lilo''': Kui kala laima! Ho kee ma! Uliuli, uliuli, ha! :'''Moses/Kumu''': Lilo. ''[gets a quick picture taken by Stitch]'' :'''Lilo''': Uliuli, uliuli, ha! Uliuli, uliuli, ha! :'''Moses/Kumu''': Lilo, we're not doing that today. :'''Mertle''': We're not doing that today. :'''Stitch''': ''[annoyingly takes a picture of her; mockingly]'' Nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah, nyah-nyah-nyah. Bleugh! ''[tears up the photo]'' :'''Elena''': Kumu has an important announcement. :'''Moses/Kumu''': In three days is our town's May Day celebration. And here's the best part. There will be a hula competition. Each of you will create an original hula. The one that best expresses the aloha spirit will lead our halau as the winning dance. :'''Stitch''': ''[pointing to Lilo]'' You, you, you! <hr width=50%/> :''[After the hula class]'' :'''Mertle''': Hey, Lilo. Maybe your dog can take a picture of me when I ''win'' the competition. :'''Lilo''': How do you know you're gonna win? :'''Mertle''': I think it's pretty well known that I'm the best dancer in the seven-year-old division. :'''Lilo''': I don't know. I think maybe I can win! :'''Mertle''': Hello! You're a stinky dancer, and anything that you come up with is gonna be stinky. ''[Lilo growls agitatedly and threatens to beat her up, but Stitch grabs her arm, holding her back]'' You'll never be like your mom. ''[Lilo and Stitch gasp in shock over hearing that]'' '''''Never.''''' :''[Lilo turns to Stitch]'' :'''Stitch''': ''[lets go of her arm]'' Okay. :'''Lilo''': ''[angrily walks over to Mertle while throwing down her hula headdress, preparing to beat her up]'' That's it! :'''Stitch''': ''[takes the camera out of the bag]'' Smile! ''[takes pictures of Lilo leaping at Mertle, kicking her and tossing her aside, takes a selfie of himself with the fighting in the background, and accidentally takes the last one of the worried Moses/Kumu appearing]'' :''[Later at the Pelekai house]'' :'''Moses/Kumu''': ''[telling Nani everything that happened after he escorts Lilo and Stitch home]'' As you can see, there was a little disagreement again. :'''Nani''': ''[looking through the pictures]'' Aye, ya. :'''Lilo''': ''[to Stitch]'' Next time, flush the evidence. :'''Stitch''': ''[imitates a toilet flushes]'' Ka-slush. <hr width=50%/> :'''David''': Knock, knock! :'''Nani''': David! :'''David''': How is everybody? ''[looks confused as he spots Jumba and Pleakley]'' :'''Nani''': You remember my Auntie Pleakley and Uncle Jumba, right? :'''David''': Uhm... :'''Nani''': ''[sotto, singsong voice]'' Say something. :'''David''': Uhh...Nice hat. :'''Pleakley''': Why, thank you, David. See? Uncle Jumba said it made me look top-heavy! :'''Jumba''': Aunt Pleakley wanted the truth! :'''Pleakley''': What we want and what we need are entirely different things. It's true what they say, men are from Mars and women are from Venus. :'''David''': Nani. :'''Nani''': Yeah? :'''David''': You've been stressin' so I got movie tickets. :'''Nani''': Movie? David, I would love to, really, but I'm gonna have to rain check. :'''David''': That's okay. I understand. :'''Nani''': Great. Thanks for understanding. <hr width=50%/> :'''Nani''': ''[forcing Lilo and Stitch to have family fun night in the living room]'' That's it, you two. I have been cookin' for hours and finally picked up the house just so we can have quality fun time like Mom used to. You're part of this family, so you are gonna come downstairs and have family fun! Fun, fun, FUN! ''[The scene cuts to Lilo, Stitch, Jumba, Pleakley and David, who are all in the living room watching a sci-fi movie "Them! (1954)" during a family fun night; enters with a tray of snacks]'' Is everyone having fun? ''[Everyone responds in agreement]'' Great! I made sci-fi snacks to put us in the mood. :'''Stitch''': Oh, yummy! :'''Nani''': We have deep-fried Martian cockroach. ''[slurps and eats the whole thing]'' Mmm, delicious! :'''Pleakley''': I think I'm gonna throw up. :'''Jumba''': Ew, I think someone did. :'''David''': ''[takes out an eyeball dumpling]'' Uh, Nani, what are these? :'''Nani''': Alien eyeball dumplings. Mmm! :'''Pleakley''': What kind of sick joke is this? :'''Jumba''': Don't be making her mad. Eat it! ''[forces the the eyeball dumpling into Pleakley's mouth]'' :'''Pleakley''': ''[choked]'' It's good. :'''Stitch''': ''[scarfing down on a bowl of dip and takes a deep-fried cockroach out of his mouth, attempting to cheer Lilo up]'' Cockroach? :'''Lilo''': ''[depressed]'' I'm too upset to eat. I'm hula-less. :'''Nani''': Aw, honey, I'm sure you'll come up with something. Come on, let's watch the movie. :''[Later, everyone wear alien headbands. Lilo and Stitch wear paper bags with drawn monster faces and the alien headbands]'' :'''Pleakley''': It's a bit redundant, don't ya think? :'''Jumba''': I'm trying to watch movie. It's so beautiful. :'''David''': Nani, I think you did a great job with family night. ''[he notices that she has fallen asleep]'' :'''Pleakley''': I know what your problem is. :'''David''': What? :'''Pleakley''': I'm sorry to break it to you, but your relationship has fizzled. :'''David''': We've been only going out for 3 weeks. :'''Pleakley''': A fizzle is a fizzle. According to this, comfort plus time equals boring. :'''David''': I think she's just tired. :'''Pleakley''': Tired, or tired of you? ''[Jumba and Stitch shush him]'' I wanted to dance at your wedding, but that's… ''[Jumba and Stitch shush him again]'' Fine. <hr width=50%/> :''[After Stitch's glitch ruined family fun night, Jumba walks up a hill]'' :'''Pleakley''': ''[following him]'' Jumba! Jumba! Slow down! Where are you going? Include me! Include me! :'''Jumba''': Something is wrong with 626. :'''Pleakley''': What is it? :'''Jumba''': I don't know! :'''Pleakley''': You don't know? You won't tell? ''[a leave hits his face]'' Ow! My good eye! ''[follows Jumba into the ship, then crosses his arms, looking away from him]'' You don't trust me. Fine! If you won't tell me what's going on, then I won't tell you something. Ooh! What an interesting secret that I have, that I won't tell Jumba. ''[a mechanical arm with a sample container pops out]'' Oh, my, it's a juicy one. :'''Jumba''': Quiet, you! :'''Pleakley''': OK, I don't have a secret, but don't shut me out. Let me in. Let me… ''[sees a sample of blue fur]'' What's that? :'''Jumba''': It's a sample of Stitch's fur. ''[the sample container arm with the sample of Stitch's fur retracts back]'' Now we shall see. ''[The super-computer glows with green light as the screen turns on, showing a lowering charge meter beside an image of Stitch]'' No. ''[horrified]'' No. ''[enraged]'' Those idiot police! ''[calms down]'' I hoped this day would never come. :'''Pleakley''': What are you talking about? What is wrong with Stitch? :'''Jumba''': ''[sighs]'' During his creation, Stitch was never fully charged. :''[In a flashback showing outer space, the windows of a building on a space rock flash green. Inside, Jumba cackles as green energy crackles from a device on the ceiling]'' :'''Jumba''': ''[laughs]'' There it is! ''[continues cackling as the green energy zaps around a glass container, showing a ball of blue smoke. As he cackles so hard, he turns off the device, then coughs]'' Not so easy on the throat. ''[approaches the container to see a blue ball inside]'' Oh! Can it be? Have I done it? ''[The ball unfolds, revealing Stitch in his alien form, looking around, much to Jumba's amazement]'' He's so cute, so fluffy, even. ''[brings his face to the glass as Stitch sniffs, then backs up as Jumba yells]'' Where did I go wrong?! ''[Stitch pounces at the glass, making Jumba flinch as he laughs]'' What a relief. ''[chuckles]'' Your name is 626. Isn't that nice? ''[As Stitch growls, Jumba grabs an extendable charging cable]'' Oh, I know. I know. You wanna get out, and wreak some havoc, but your molecules need to be charged. ''[plugs the cable into the container, causing its trim to glow green, then pats it]'' That's the most important part. ''[walks over to look at the screen which shows the charge meter rising]'' Meanwhile, I have a little surprise for you. ''[Stitch hops excitedly]'' Close your eyes. ''[Stitch opens one eye]'' Uh-uh. No peeking. He cheats already. :'''Stitch''': Oh, jiggiebig! ''[covers his hands over his eyes while Jumba chuckles]'' :'''Jumba''': ''[shows Stitch a red suit]'' Ta-da! :'''Stitch''': Ooh! ''[excitedly speaks alien language as he claws at the container]'' :'''Jumba''': If it's too big, I had it taken in. ''[hears a bang on the door]'' Uh-oh. :'''Stitch''': Huh? :'''Gator Guard''': Open up! Intergalactic Police! :'''Jumba''': ''[stuffs the suit in a box on the side of the container]'' There's nobody home. Uh, check in the mail. ''[The door molts]'' I'm in the tub. :''[The door explodes as three gator-like aliens wearing police space suits enter the lab, aiming their guns at Jumba]'' :'''Gator Guard''': ''[bursts in]'' You are under arrest for illegal genetic experimentation! :'''Jumba''': You idiots! You'll ruin everything! ''[as the gator guards pull him back from the container with Stitch still inside]'' Oh, no! :'''Gator Guard''': Yeah, yeah. Tell it to the Council. ''[As Jumba drops to the floor, the leader lifts his visor to speak to his friends]'' You two, get the evidence. :'''Jumba''': No, stop! Stop! His molecules aren't fully charged! ''[one gator guard pulls the cable out of its socket on the container]'' No, no! No! :''[As the charge meter on screen turns red, yellow and orange, the second gator guard, with his visor up, drops the cable, realizing his mistake]'' :'''Jumba''': Oh! :'''Computer''': Warning. Warning. Warning. Electromagnetic bonding incomplete. :'''Jumba''': No! No! There's no telling what will happen! ''[breaks free from the lead gator guard's grip, but he grabs him again]'' Let me go! No! What will become of my little monstrosity?! ''[gets dragged away]'' :''[In the present]'' :'''Jumba''': And now, his circuits are going haywire! :'''Pleakley''': ''[gasps]'' ''That's'' why he was freaking out in the house! :'''Jumba''': He can't control it. If it continues, his circuits will burn themselves out like supernova! :'''Pleakley''': Can you fixed him? :'''Jumba''': I must, or my little Stitch will shut down for good. ''[The view closes in on the charge meter still dropping]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Lilo''': This is the exact bench that [[Elvis Presley|Elvis]] sat on in ''[[w:Blue Hawaii|Blue Hawaii]]''. :'''Stitch''': ''[as he sniffs the bench]'' Oh, yeah. That's him. :''[They sit on the bench]'' :'''Lilo''': I can't believe it. My butt is in the shadow of the butt of Elvis Presley. :'''Stitch''': Yes. :'''Lilo''': Okay, Elvis. We're ready to receive a great idea for our hula. <hr width=50%/> :'''Moses/Kumu''': Okay, girls, this is your last rehearsal before tomorrow's competition. :'''Lilo''': What if I forget the moves and Mertle laughs at me? And I get mad and pound her?! You gotta help me, Stitch. I need you. :'''Stitch''': We do together. :'''Lilo''': Our hula is about an ancient friendship that proves love is more powerful than death. :'''Mertle''': Oh, brother. :'''Lilo''': The great goddess Hi'iaka...that's me...and the brave and handsome mortal Lohi'au...that's Stitch. ''[Stitch hasn't appeared on the stage yet]'' I said, the handsome mortal Lohi'au! Oh, handsome mortal! :'''Mertle''': Stink-o-rama. :'''Lilo''': ''[impatiently]'' Stitch, get out here! <hr width=50%/> :'''Moses/Kumu''': ''[to Lilo after Stitch uncontrollably causes chaos with his glitching]'' Lilo, you will ''not'' be allowed to rehearse at this ''halau'' again. ''[closes the door, leaving with Mertle and her friends]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Nani''': ''[fed up with their fighting]'' That's it! Go to your room and make up like loving friends! :'''Lilo''': ''[to Stitch]'' You're gross. :'''Stitch''': ''[to Lilo]'' Stupid head. :'''Nani''': Keep walking. :''[Both Lilo and Stitch walk back to their room. Later, they sit on the floor next to their bunk beds and cross their arms while looking away from each other]'' :'''Stitch''': ''[calming down; regretfully]'' Stitch sorry. :'''Lilo''': ''[also calming down]'' We said we were gonna be good. I needed you, Stitch. :'''Stitch''': ''[showing her the level chart]'' Stitch good again. :'''Lilo''': ''[gentle smile]'' If you promise to be good, I'll give you one more chance. But I want you to promise. :'''Stitch''': Oh, yeah. :'''Lilo''': You get the costumes, and I'll get the record player. ''[goes downstairs]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[Just as Jumba slowly reaches for the lever of the fusion chamber, an alarm blares]'' :'''Jumba''': No! :'''Pleakley''': What?! What's happening?! :'''Jumba''': Stitch's circuits are about to blow! We have to get him into the fusion chamber now! :''[They run off]'' :'''Pleakley''': Shouldn't we test it? :'''Jumba''': There isn't time! <hr width=50%/> :'''Lilo''': I'm sorry, Mom. ''[sets down her Hi'iaka headdress, then runs off to the forest]'' Stitch, come back! ''[Jumba and Pleakley arrive]'' Have you seen Stitch? :'''Jumba''': We thought he was with you. :'''Nani''': Lilo, baby, what happened? :'''Lilo''': I'm fine. Something's wrong with Stitch! :'''Jumba''': It's not his fault. He's malfunctioning. And if we don't find him soon... :''[As Stitch runs in the forest and glitches, he covers his eyes. The scene shows Lilo, Nani, Jumba, Pleakley and David trying to find him]'' :'''Lilo''': Stitch! :'''Nani''': Stitch? :'''Pleakley''': Oh, Stitch! Where are you? :'''Jumba''': Stitch! Stitch! :'''David''': Hey, you there, brudda, brudda? :'''Lilo''': Stitch! ''[climbs up the treehouse, thinking she heard Stitch, but finds Nani instead; Nani shows her the chart of Stitch's goodness level with a red X marked across it; gasps in horror; devastated]'' No. :'''Nani''': Hey, we'll find him. ''[David and Jumba meet Nani in the forest as they tried to find Stitch]'' :'''David''': We looked everywhere! :'''Jumba''': He only has a few minutes left. <hr width=50%/> :''[Lilo, Nani, David, Jumba and Pleakley are trying to catch up with Stitch in Nani's Volkswagen Beetle after he flies off in Jumba's ship]'' :'''Pleakley''': I think I should drive. :'''Nani''': Two eyes, my car, ''I'm'' driving! :'''Jumba''': At the rate Stitch is going, he's soon to be accelerating into stratosphere. If only we had way to communicate with him. :'''Pleakley''': ''[on the phone with his mom]'' I know. It's horrible, Mom. Stitch has taken off in the ship, and we have no way to contact him. Poor Jumba. He's worked so hard. :'''Jumba''': ''[snatches the phone]'' Give me that! Yes, yes...Yes, Mother Pleakley. He'll call you back. <hr width=50%/> :'''Lilo''': ''[through the radio]'' Stitch, can you hear me? I need you. Please come back. :'''Stitch''': ''[sadly]'' Stitch can never come back. <hr width=50%/> :'''Lilo''': ''[holding Stitch's dead body in her lap]'' Stitch...I'm so sorry. I kept saying how I needed you. ''[takes her flower off her head]'' But you needed me more. ''[puts it in Stitch's hands; starts breaking down in tears of grief]'' You're my ohana, Stitch. ''[hugs his body tightly]'' And I'll always love you. ''[breaks down cries and sobs over his loss]'' :''[Everyone cries over Stitch's death. But they didn't notice that Stitch's charge level is growing back. Stitch slowly wakes up and takes Lilo's hand. She gasps in shock]'' :'''Stitch''': ''[resuming words]'' Stitch...not bad. Stitch fluffy! :'''Lilo''': ''[relieved]'' Stitch! :''[His molecules are finally and fully recharged, and everyone is also relieved]'' :'''Pleakley''': How is it possible?! :'''Jumba''': ''[laughs happily]'' It's not! :'''Stitch''': Stitch okay now? :'''Lilo''': No more nightmares. ''[hugs him]'' :'''Nani''': Stitch! ''[hugs him as well]'' == Cast == * '''[[w:Chris Sanders|Chris Sanders]]''' — [[w:Stitch (Lilo & Stitch)|Stitch]] * '''[[w:Dakota Fanning|Dakota Fanning]]''' — Lilo Pelekai * '''[[w:Tia Carrere|Tia Carrere]]''' — Nani Pelekai * '''[[w:David Ogden Stiers|David Ogden Stiers]]''' — Dr. Jumba Jookiba * '''[[w:Kevin McDonald|Kevin McDonald]]''' — Agent Wendy Pleakley * '''Kunewa Mook''' — Moses Puloki (credited as "Kumu") * '''[[w:Jason Scott Lee|Jason Scott Lee]]''' — David Kawena ==External Links== {{wikipedia}} *{{Official website|http://movies.disney.com/lilo-stitch-2-stitch-has-a-glitch}} *{{IMDb title|0457993}} {{Lilo & Stitch}} {{Authority control}} [[Category:2005 films]] [[Category:2000s American animated films]] [[Category:Traditionally animated films]] [[Category:American children's animated comic science fiction films]] [[Category:Direct-to-video films]] [[Category:Lilo & Stitch]] [[Category:American sequel films]] [[Category:Animated films set in Hawaii]] [[Category:Films about children]] [[Category:Films directed by Tony Leondis]] [[Category:The Walt Disney Company]] [[Category:Animated buddy films]] [[Category:2000s English-language films]] slrv9zgmdd7ertiimif6o3kl8o7psqi 14 185248 3778574 2425813 2025-07-14T12:49:03Z UDScott 4304 Moving from [[Category:Activists]] to [[Category:Activists by issue]] using [[c:Help:Cat-a-lot|Cat-a-lot]] 3778574 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Activists by issue]] [[Category:Civil rights and liberties]] [[Category:Political activists]] [[Category:Social activists]] 8ti3l63bzlmbfpaah0bnj8896xruugi 14 185249 3778613 3642776 2025-07-14T12:49:09Z UDScott 4304 Moving from [[Category:Activists]] to [[Category:Activists by issue]] using [[c:Help:Cat-a-lot|Cat-a-lot]] 3778613 wikitext text/x-wiki {{Wikipedia|Women's rights}} {{Wikipedia|List of women's rights activists}} {{CATtoc}} [[Category:Activists by issue]] [[Category:Women's rights]] [[Category:Feminists]] [[Category:Categories requiring diffusion]] 6ce6umm7vf0z7taf8412hrqhqgtebk0 14 185252 3778609 3406387 2025-07-14T12:49:08Z UDScott 4304 Moving from [[Category:Activists]] to [[Category:Activists by issue]] using [[c:Help:Cat-a-lot|Cat-a-lot]] 3778609 wikitext text/x-wiki {{CATtoc}} [[Category:Activists by issue]] 382qkqgq8pywq532jwiec6ijtq1z2qi 14 185254 3778593 2625121 2025-07-14T12:49:06Z UDScott 4304 Moving from [[Category:Activists]] to [[Category:Activists by issue]] using [[c:Help:Cat-a-lot|Cat-a-lot]] 3778593 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Activists by issue]] [[Category:Immigration]] 1t2qdpktm7fvdc5jyeehe27hty13uv4 14 185255 3778595 2089553 2025-07-14T12:49:06Z UDScott 4304 Moving from [[Category:Activists]] to [[Category:Activists by issue]] using [[c:Help:Cat-a-lot|Cat-a-lot]] 3778595 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Activists by issue]] rxgqxpl04xupcja2xiry5j7hacpn7li 14 185256 3778592 2390266 2025-07-14T12:49:05Z UDScott 4304 Moving from [[Category:Activists]] to [[Category:Activists by issue]] using 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[[Category:Prisons|Activists]] ldwceuee76r2tabvf9v70aba8xaoh7z 14 185264 3778589 2089787 2025-07-14T12:49:05Z UDScott 4304 Moving from [[Category:Activists]] to [[Category:Activists by issue]] using [[c:Help:Cat-a-lot|Cat-a-lot]] 3778589 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Activists by issue]] rxgqxpl04xupcja2xiry5j7hacpn7li 14 185332 3778578 2090993 2025-07-14T12:49:03Z UDScott 4304 Moving from [[Category:Activists]] to [[Category:Activists by issue]] using [[c:Help:Cat-a-lot|Cat-a-lot]] 3778578 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Activists by issue]] rxgqxpl04xupcja2xiry5j7hacpn7li 14 185333 3778576 2091001 2025-07-14T12:49:03Z UDScott 4304 Moving from [[Category:Activists]] to [[Category:Activists by issue]] using [[c:Help:Cat-a-lot|Cat-a-lot]] 3778576 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Activists by issue]] rxgqxpl04xupcja2xiry5j7hacpn7li 14 185334 3778591 2749445 2025-07-14T12:49:05Z UDScott 4304 Moving from [[Category:Activists]] to [[Category:Activists by issue]] using 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2810966 2025-07-14T12:49:01Z UDScott 4304 Moving from [[Category:Activists]] to [[Category:Activists by issue]] using [[c:Help:Cat-a-lot|Cat-a-lot]] 3778563 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Activists by issue]] [[Category:Social critics]] iv03dvxl2mnk1o391w9bzwovfkh561z 14 185349 3778590 3184955 2025-07-14T12:49:05Z UDScott 4304 Moving from [[Category:Activists]] to [[Category:Activists by issue]] using [[c:Help:Cat-a-lot|Cat-a-lot]] 3778590 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Activists by issue]] [[Category:Health|activists]] tlypb9l5djvgnid5jx7wcugmp0zmsu6 14 185350 3778607 3476125 2025-07-14T12:49:08Z UDScott 4304 Moving from [[Category:Activists]] to [[Category:Activists by issue]] using [[c:Help:Cat-a-lot|Cat-a-lot]] 3778607 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Activists by issue]] [[Category:Sexual violence]] [[Category:Abuse]] lj7b7vfgegvlmuhhrm4wj4f8q1v8x8e 14 185351 3778565 3465533 2025-07-14T12:49:02Z UDScott 4304 Moving from [[Category:Activists]] to [[Category:Activists by issue]] 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2025-07-14T12:49:06Z UDScott 4304 Moving from [[Category:Activists]] to [[Category:Activists by issue]] using [[c:Help:Cat-a-lot|Cat-a-lot]] 3778598 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Activists by issue]] rxgqxpl04xupcja2xiry5j7hacpn7li 0 186318 3778724 3720964 2025-07-14T14:10:04Z Unhari 276606 /* The Old Grist Mill [1] */ 3778724 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Over the Garden Wall (miniseries)|Over the Garden Wall]]''''' (2014) is an Emmy Award-winning animated television miniseries created by [[w:Patrick McHale (artist)|Patrick McHale]] for Cartoon Network. The series centers on two half-brothers who travel across a strange forest in order to find their way home, encountering odd and wonderful things on their journey. === ''The Old Grist Mill'' [1] === :'''Narrator''': Somewhere lost in the clouded annals of history lies a place that few have seen—a mysterious place called the Unknown, where long forgotten stories are revealed to those who travel through the wood. <hr width=50% /> :'''Wirt''': ''[sees Woodsman off]'' Shoot. Y-you think we should've asked him for help? ''[Greg shrugs]'' :'''Bird''': Maybe I can help you. I mean, you guys are lost, right? ''[Wirt gasps, slaps his face]'' :'''Wirt''': What in the world is going on? :'''Gregory''': Well, you're slapping yourself, and I'm answering your question, and— :'''Wirt''': No, Greg, a-a bird's brain isn't big enough for cognizant speech. :'''Bird''': Hey, what was that? :'''Wirt''': I mean, I-I'm just saying, you're-you're weird. Like, not normal. I-I mean... oh my gosh, stop talking to it, Wirt. :'''Bird''': ''It''? :'''Wirt''': Uh, I-I-I'm— :'''Woodsman''': ''[appears suddenly]'' What're you doing here?! Explain yourselves! :'''Bird''': ''[flies off]'' Aaand I'll see you guys later, bye. :'''Wirt''': Calm, calm down, mister! Wh-whatever you do here is your business! W-w-we just wanna get home with all our legs and arms attached! :'''Woodsman''': These woods are no place for children! Don't you know the Beast is afoot here?! :'''Wirt''': The Beast? W-w-we-we-we don't know anything about that! W-we're just two lost kids trying to get home! :'''Woodsman''': Well, welcome to the Unknown, boys. You're more lost than you realize. <hr width=50% /> :'''Woodsman''': The mill is destroyed... the oil! All gone! :'''Wirt''': But look! We, w-we got the beast problem solved. [points at the dog] :'''Woodsman''': That dog?! That is NOT the Beast! The Beast cannot be mollified like some farmer's pet! He stalks like the night. He sings like the Four Winds. He is the Death of Hope! He steals their children and he'll... ruin... [mumbles] :'''Wirt''': You're always messing up, Greg. :'''Woodsman''': Boy! You have it backwards! You are the elder child! You are responsible for you and your brother's actions! <hr width="50%"/> === ''Hard Times at the Huskin' Bee'' [2] === :''[Greg finds the talking female bird trapped in bramble in a bush]'' :'''Beatrice''': Oh, it's you again. I'm stuck. Help me out of here, and I'll owe you a favor. :'''Greg''': Whoa! I get a wish? :'''Beatrice''': No, no. no. Not a wish. I'm not magical. I'll just do you a good turn. :'''Greg''': Can you turn me into a tiger? :'''Beatrice''': Um, no. I just said I'm not magical. :'''Greg''': It doesn't have to be a magical tiger. <hr width=50%> :'''Beatrice''': You guys find this place as creepy as I do, right? :'''Wirt''': So it's some kind of weird cult they wear vegetable costumes and dance around a big thing. They seem nice enough. :'''Beatrice''': Okay, you're in denial. That's fine. But I'm just saying, something feels off about this place. <hr width=50%> :''[Wirt and Greg are confronted by the large sentient pumpkin called Enoch]'' :'''Enoch''': Now, let's see here, boys. How'd you end up in this little town of ours? :'''Wirt''': Well, we were trying to get home. We came into town from the woods. Uh, we saw your farms and your houses and thought, "Hey! Here's a normal place with normal people." :'''Greg''': And we both stepped on pumpkins! :'''Wirt''': Yeah, a-and then we heard the music from the barn, and, well, uh... H-how about we just leave? :'''Enoch''': Now let me get this straight. You come to our town, you trample our crops, you interrupt our private engagement... and now you want to leave? :'''Wirt''': ''[nervously]'' Uh... yes. :'''Greg''': You'll never convict! You have no proof! ''[the Elder Pumpkin holds Beatrice in his straw hands]'' :'''Elder Pumpkin''': This one's trying to escape! :'''Beatrice''': Let me go! I don't know these clowns! :'''Enoch''': Children, it saddens me that you don't wish to stay here with us, particularly because I simply ''have to punish you'' for your transgressions. :'''Beatrice''': I told you this place was bad news! :'''Enoch''': So by order of the Pottsfield chamber of commerce, I find you guilty of trespassing, destruction of property, ''[lowers itself down to approach Wirt and Greg closely]'' disturbing the peace, ''[darkly]'' and '''''murder'''''. :'''Wirt''': ''[shocked]'' Murder?! :'''Enoch''': ''[chuckles]'' Oh, no, not murder. But for those other crimes, I sentence you to... a few hours of manual labor. :'''Wirt''': ''[surprised]'' Wait, what? Really? That's it? === ''Schooltown Follies'' [3] === :'''Greg''': [singing] Oh, potatoes and molasses<br /> If you want some, oh, just ask us<br /> They're warm and soft like puppies in socks<br /> Filled with cream and candy rocks<br /> Oh, potatoes and molasses<br /> They're so much sweeter than algebra class<br /> If your stomach is grumblin' and your mouth starts a-mumblin'<br /> There is only one thing to keep your brain from crumblin'<br /> Oh, potatoes and molasses<br /> If you can't see 'em, put on your glasses<br /> They're shiny and large like a fisherman's barge<br /> You know you've eaten enough when you start seeing stars<br /> Oh, potatoes and molasses<br /> It's the only thing left on your task list<br /> They're short and stout, they'll make everyone shout <br /> For, potatoes and molasses<br /> For, potatoes and--<br /> :'''Mr. Langtree''': [bursting into the room] That's enough! === ''Songs of the Dark Lantern'' [4] === :'''The Tavern Keeper''': Well, hey there Peach Pot. Whatcha doing around--hey, what's that bird you got there? :'''Wirt''': It's a-- :'''Beatrice''': I am Beatrice. These two sweet kids and I got a bit lost in the-- [The tavern keeper knocks the broom and Beatrice yells out and groans] :'''The Tavern Keeper''': No birds allowed in my tavern! :'''Beatrice''': No birds allowed in your--?! :'''The Tavern Keeper''': It's a bad omen when a bluebird enters through your door. It's bad luck! :'''Beatrice''': Lady, bluebirds are good luck! We bring joy and happiness to the--[screams] :'''The Tavern Keeper''': Good luck, bad luck--I don't need any of it! :'''Beatrice''': Curse you, lady! Curse you! You'll die someday, and I'll laugh--laugh! Ha Ha Ha! [Wirt is knocked the broom and groans] :'''Beatrice''': Forget this. I'm out of here. Wirt, you get directions. :'''Wirt''': W-wait, No. I don't want to-- :'''Beatrice''': Just do it! <hr width=50%> :'''Wirt''': Wait, wait, wait! Lantern? The Woodsman was the guy with the weird lantern, not the Beast. :'''The Tavern Keeper''': Pilgrim, He who carries the Dark Lantern must be the Beast. :'''Wirt''': What? No, The Woodsman's a good guy. He warned us of the Beast and told us which direction to go to avoid him. :'''The Tavern Keeper''': And now you're more lost than ever, huh? :'''Wirt''': Oh... yeah--hey, can you give us some directions? Our friend Beatrice is trying to take us to Adelaide of the Pasture, the Good Woman of the Woods. She can help us get home. <hr width=50%> :'''Fred the Horse''': Nice to ''horse'' your acquaintance! :'''Beatrice''': You can talk?! <hr width=50%> :''[the elusive Beast appears to haunt the Woodsman]'' :'''Beast''': It's seems you're running out of oil, Woodsman. Why not let ''me'' take the lantern for a while? :'''Woodsman''': ''[angrily shouts back at the Beast]'' Begone, Beast! I fought you for the lantern before, and I'll fight you again! :'''Beast''': No need for violence, Woodsman. But be sure to keep it lit, or your daughter's flame will go out... ''forever''. Now, what direction did those children go? :'''Woodsman''': You leave those children be! ''[the Beast retreats into the darkness, laughing]'' Beast?! '''''BEAST!!''''' :'''Beast''': ''[singing in a joyfully dark tone] Tra-la-la-la! Chop the wood to light the fire!'' === ''Mad Love'' [5] === :'''Wirt''': Um, Beatrice, w-why are you pretending I'm this guy's nephew? :'''Beatrice''': We need money. :'''Wirt''': You're scamming him? :'''Beatrice''': I was thinking more like flat-out stealing from him. :'''Wirt''': What? No way. :'''Beatrice''': Why not? We already stole a horse. :'''Fred''': Hey, guys. :'''Wirt''': No, we didn't. Fred's a talking horse. He can do whatever he wants. :'''Fred''': I want to steal. <hr width=50%> :'''Wirt''': But, well, I-I have this crush on this girl. :'''Beatrice''': Mmm-hmm. :'''Wirt''': That's all. :'''Beatrice''': That's all? :'''Wirt''': And I think about her lot, and I play clarinet. :'''Beatrice''': Wirt! You've got to be kidding me. :'''Wirt''': And I secretly whisper poetry to myself in my room at night. :'''Beatrice''': Wirt, That stuff's not weird. Those are just--[sighs]--well, the poetry thing is weird. === ''Lullaby in Frogland'' [6] === :'''Greg''': [singing] Oh, we're going to the Pasture to meet Adelaide and ask her if she has a way to send us back where we came from. I don't know who she is or how she is or when, what, why she is. :'''Wirt''': [singing] But as for where she is, she is where we will go. :'''Both''': To Adelaide, to Adelaide. C'mon and join the Adelaide Parade. Adelaide, To Adelaide. We're going to Adelaide's house today. [Wirt starts laughing and sighs] :'''Wirt''': Boy. Finally going home. <hr width=50%> :'''Greg''': Wirt, drum me! :'''Wirt''': Okay. [Wirt bangs on the drum and Greg groans] :'''Greg''': [open his eyes] Are we good? :'''Wirt''': [breathes deeply] I think so. :'''Beatrice''': Wirt, sometimes you have to face your problems. Turn yourself in and get kicked off this boat. <hr width=50%> :'''Wirt''': Oh no. Beatrice, I'm too young to go to frog jail. [Whimpers] :'''Greg''': Hey, why don't you play the bassoon? :'''Wirt''': That'll get us kicked off this boat for sure. :'''Beatrice''': [Gasps in shock] No, Greg's right. You should play it. Go ahead. You'll do fine. You play instruments, right? :'''Wirt''': Yeah, but bassoon and clarinet are way different. <hr width=50%> :'''Beatrice''': Adelaide, we need to talk. :'''Adelaide''': Did you bring me what I asked for? :'''Beatrice''': I found two brothers lost in the woods, but I can't give them to you, Adelaide. They need to go home. :'''Adelaide''': Nonsense! I'll give them a wonderful home here. :'''Beatrice''': That's what you said, but-- :'''Adelaide''': Can't you see I'm sick and helpless? [Imitating coughing] Ah-choo! I'm all alone in the world. I want a child servant. :'''Beatrice''': Servant? I thought you just wanted some yard work done. :'''Adelaide''': Our arrangement was for you to bring me a child servant and then I give you the scissors... To snip, snip, snip your family's wings away to make them human again. :'''Beatrice''': What if I became your servant? :'''Adelaide''': Ha! I need a big strong child! :'''Beatrice''': You can turn me into a human, can you? :'''Adelaide''': Oh yes--scissors! :'''Beatrice''': Yeah. yeah. So give me the scissors. I'll go help my family. [Gasps] Wirt! :'''Adelaide''': Close the door! I'll catch my death of cold! :'''Wirt''': What's going on? :'''Wirt''': All along, you've been leading us to this crazy lady? :'''Adelaide''': I do as he commands--the voice of the night, the Beast of eternal darkness. [Beatrice open the window and the wind air blew out] :'''Adelaide''': What are you doing? Ohh! :'''Beatrice''': Wirt? Greg? [Beatrice coughs and ran out of the door] :'''Beatrice''': Greg! Wirt! It wasn't what it looks like! I was just--[starts to cry]--please come back! Oh. [Beatrice begins to sob] :'''Wirt''': Hmm. :'''Greg''': Wirt, what about Beatrice? :'''Wirt''': Hmm, I shouldn't trusted anyone. === ''The Ringing of the Bell'' [7] === :'''Auntie Whispers''': ''[rings the magic bell to Lorna]'' The ringing of the bell commands you! <hr width=50% /> :''[Wirt, Greg and Lorna run and hide in the closet from Auntie Whispers]'' :'''Auntie Whispers''': Come out before it is too late! Unlock this door. She will ''devour'' you. :'''Wirt''': What is she talking about? ''[Wirt and Greg notices Lorna transformed into a wicked ghoul, floating above them. They both scream in terror]'' :'''Wicked Lorna''': '''''More bones to sort.''''' :'''Wirt & Greg''': NOOO!! :'''Auntie Whispers''': I told you boys to stay away from her, but now you've gone and made her wicked again. :'''Greg''': Ho-ho! For some reason, I thought that old lady was the people eater, but it was Lorna all along! It just goes to show you stuff. Now I have a plan that'll-- :''[Wirt puts his hands on Greg's mouth. He jumps through the wooden window with Greg and his frog]'' :'''Greg''': Ho-ho! Your plan was better! <hr width=50% /> :''[after leaving Lorna and Auntie Whispers into the dark woods]'' :'''Gregory''': Wow, Wirt! You saved the day twice today! :'''Wirt''': Yeah, I guess. But so what? We're still not any closer to getting home. I just don't know what I'm doing out here anymore. I don't know if we'll ever get back home. :'''Gregory''': Sure we will! What can stop us? You got a plan, remember? :'''Wirt''': I lied. :'''Gregory''': Aw, come on! Let's go, captain! Lead the way! You can do it! ''[Wirt sighs; the Beast watches them]'' :'''Beast''': Yes, yes. All hope will soon be lost. ''[turns to the Woodsman]'' We're lucky the boy had the pluck to best you. Your play could have cost us both. ''[hovers over the Woodsman]'' Don't you ''care'' about keeping the lantern lit? Don't you ''care'' about your daughter's soul? :'''Woodsman''': One cannot trade the souls of children as if they were tokens! There has to be another way. :'''Beast''': No. There is only me. There is only my way. There is only the forest, and there is only surrender. === ''Babes in the Wood'' [8] === :'''Cloud City Reception Comitee''': So, what brings you to Cloud City? :'''Greg''': Well, I'm supposed to be a leader, but I don't know how. :'''Cloud City Reception Comitee''': Why don't you lead our band in a song? :'''Greg''': Okay. :'''Beatrice''': Wirt! :'''Greg''': Wirt! Wirt? :'''Wirt''': Greg? :'''Beatrice''': Wirt, are you okay? Wirt! :'''Wirt''': Greg? I-I-I-- :'''Beatrice''': Where's Greg, Wirt? :'''Wirt''': Beatrice? [Breathing and groans] :'''Beatrice''': [calling] Wirt. Wirt! === ''Into the Unknown'' [9] === :'''Greg''': Hey, Wirt, whatcha doing? :'''Wirt''': Nothing. :'''Greg''': I was helping old lady Daniels rake some leaves in exchange for candy. :'''Wirt''': Greg, it's Halloween. Candy is free. :'''Kathleen''': Oh, look at you. What are you supposed to be? :'''Greg''': It's an elephant costume. [Starts trumpeting] Phbt! See my trunk? :'''Sara''': Uh... you can let go of my hand now. :'''Jason Funderberker''': Oh... yeah. :'''Kid''': You could hold my hand, Funderberker. I don't care. [Greg begins to howl and spinning around] :'''Kid''': Hey, isn't that Wirt's little brother? :'''Greg''': No. I'm the headless elephant. [Starts to trumpeting] [The kids begin to laugh] === ''The Unknown'' [10] === :'''Beast''': Did you fetch for me the Golden Comb? :'''Greg''': Will that work? :'''Beast''': This is a honeycomb. :'''Greg''': Golden comb of honey. [Giggles] :'''Beatrice''': Greg! Oh! [Whimpers] Oh! [Howls] Greg! :'''Greg''': Huh? :'''Beast''': Never mind that, Gregory. You've brought me the first two items--a golden comb and a spoon of silver thread. :'''Wirt''': What the... Beatrice? :'''Beatrice''': Wirt! :'''Wirt''': Beatrice! What are you doing out there? :'''Beatrice''': I saw Greg! :'''Wirt''': What? :'''Beatrice''': I saw Greg. He was w-with someone. :'''Wirt''': Wait. that's dumb. :'''Beast''': What? :'''Wirt''': That's dumb. I'm not just gonna just wander around in the woods for the rest of my life. :'''Beast''': I'm trying to help you. :'''Wirt''': You're not trying to help me. You just have some weird obsession with keeping this lantern lit. It's almost like your soul is in this lantern. [The Beast goes into a rage over a terrified Wirt] :'''Beast''': '''Are you ready to see true darkness?''' [Wirt, still terrified, but being courageous stands up and opens the lantern cap] :'''Wirt''': [Scared in a small squeaky voice] Are y-[Clears his throat, becoming serious] Are you? [Wirt blows on the flame of the Lantern] :'''Beast''': [Panicked] DON'T!!! ''DON'T!!!!'' [Wirt scoffs, as this proves his point. The Woodsman realizes in heartbreak that this proves the Beast was lying to him about his daughter all along] :'''Beatrice''': Wirt... :'''Wirt''': Come with us. :'''Beatrice''': I--I got to go home, too, admit to my family it's my fault they're bluebirds. [Wirt clears throat and holds out the scissors] :'''Beatrice''': What? :'''Wirt''': The scissors that'll make your family human again. :'''Beatrice''': You had them all along! :'''Wirt''': I-I used them to escape Adelaide, and then--then... yeah, I-I was sort of mad at you. :'''Beatrice''': [tearfully] Oh, you... wonderful mistake of nature! :'''Beast''': You see, Woodsman? All who perish here will become trees for the lantern. Cut them down with your ax. Go! Now! :'''Woodsman''': NO!! [He swings the lantern showing the beast in full color for a fraction of a second. The Woodsman opens the latern] :'''Beast''': STOP! You'll never see your daughter again Woodsman! Are you really ready to go back to that empty house? [The Woodsman sheds a tear as he realizes this might be true, then angrily raises the lantern and inhales] '''NO! WOODSMAN!!!''' [The Woodsman blows out the lantern, killing the beast] :'''Beatrice''': [singing] One is a bird Two are the trees Three is the wind of the leaves Four are the stars Five with the moon :'''Wirt''': Our frog. :'''Greg''': Our frog! :'''Jason Funderberker''': Our frog? == Cast == * [[Elijah Wood]] - Wirt * [[w:Collin Dean|Collin Dean]] - Gregory (Greg) * [[Melanie Lynskey]] - Beatrice * [[Christopher Lloyd]] - The Woodsman * [[w:Jack Jones|Jack Jones]] - Greg's Frog * [[w:Samuel Ramey|Samuel Ramey]] – The Beast == External links == {{wikipedia}} http://over-the-garden-wall.wikia.com/wiki/Transcript {{Cartoon Network Studios}} [[Category:2010s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:2010s American black comedy TV shows]] [[Category:2010s American comedy-drama TV shows]] [[Category:American TV miniseries]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated drama TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated horror TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated musical TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated mystery TV shows]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about brothers]] [[Category:Package films]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Cartoon Network original series]] [[Category:Television series by Cartoon Network Studios]] t4lzusf7o8caa4bz10n60w9aer0xswo 0 186712 3778749 3776764 2025-07-14T16:11:31Z 147.147.131.144 /* Episode 7, Tutankhamun's 3,000 Year-Old Curse */ 3778749 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Lupin_III_logo.svg|thumb|'''Lupin the Third''']] '''''Lupin III'''''(Nihongo: ルパン三世|Rupan Sansei), also written as '''Lupin the Third''' or '''Lupin the 3rd''', is a [[Japanese]] [[w:manga|manga]] series written and illustrated by [[w:Monkey Punch|Monkey Punch]]. It follows the escapades of master [[thief]] [[w:Arsène Lupin III|Arsene Lupin III]], the grandson of [[w:Arsène Lupin|Arsene Lupin]], the [[w:gentleman thief|gentleman thief]] of [[Maurice Leblanc]]'s series of novels. == Quotations from the series == === Lupin The Third Part I === ==== Episode 1, Is Lupin Burning...? ==== :'''Zenigata''': Lupin, how many years has it been, chasing you like this? It's in my blood. It's my fate. If you weren't the grandson of Arsene Lupin, and if I weren't a descendant of Heiji Zenigata... I'll catch you for sure some day. ---- :'''Lupin''': Well, hello, Fujiko. How are you? :'''Fujiko''': ''[clothes torn and tickling hands all over her]'' I'm not exactly tickled pink, Lupin. ---- :'''Zenigata''': You fool! What, do you think you'll stop me? :'''Fujiko''': Not at all. But stay here if you don't want to die. ==== Episode 2, The Man They Call a Magician ==== :'''Lupin''': I'm hungry. :'''Jigen''': Sorry, but we only have food for me, not for you. :'''Lupin''': The octopus? Forget about that. ---- :'''Jigen''': Man, this glass sure can be a pain. ==== Episode 3, Farewell My Beloved Witch==== :'''Lupin''': Linda, my sweet! :'''Jigen''': The hell? Did he just say "Linda, my sweet"? I can't do this... ---- :'''Lupin''': "Attack your prey swiftly and disappear like the wind", right? ---- :'''Lupin''': The missile. A nuclear warhead! ''[Close to tears, he places a hand on the missile]'' Linda had to die for something as stupid as this. ''[He quietly weeps into the missile]'' ---- :'''Jigen''': This is why I keep telling you to be careful of women. :'''Lupin''': I got it, I got it. Don't nag so much. ==== Episode 4, One Chance to Breakout ==== :'''Doctor''': That man is something else. :'''Zenigata''': Well, he won't be for much longer. After all, he's going be executed. ''[He imagines himself at Lupin's trial]'' Death penalty! Death is the only suitable sentence for Lupin the Third! I devoted my entire life to capturing Lupin! I came into being solely so I could arrest him! He should be executed! Death penalty! Death! ''[Next he imagines Lupin being executed in various ways]'' The verdict: I sentence Lupin the Third to death! ''[He imagines Lupin crying pitifully at his trial. In his office, Zenigata sweats and anxiously buries his face in his hands as he wonders if this is what he really wants]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': Jigen, are you just going to let Lupin die?! ---- :'''Zenigata''': I guess this is finally goodbye. ''[He meets the officer's gaze]'' I mean, this world will finally be peaceful. ==== Episode 5, The Coming of Goemon the Thirteenth ==== :'''Lupin''': Dang it! Goemon Ishikawa the First was boiled to death! So I figured this Goemon would be weak against fire! That's the whole reason I prepared the fuel! But ''nooo''! :'''Jigen''': Enough with the braying. What are you, a donkey? ---- :'''Fujiko''': Oh, Lupin! I'm so glad. So, are you going to help me? :'''Jigen''': ''[rolling over on the couch]'' Hmph! This is ridiculous. ==== Episode 9, Killer Sings the Blues ==== :'''Goemon''': He's late! :'''Jigen''': ''[sulking on a chair and frustratedly throwing darts at a heart-shaped target]'' Yeah. Late. :'''Goemon''': What could he be doing before a job? :'''Jigen''': Hung up on a woman, most likely. :'''Goemon''': If that's the case, what are you going to do? :'''Jigen''': I've had enough. We're through! ''[He throws a dart at the door just as it's being opened. Lupin catches the dart in his hand. Jigen brightens]'' You're late! ---- :'''Fujiko''': What a square. ---- :'''Goemon''': Where's Lupin? :'''Jigen''': ''[feigning apathy]'' Don't care. ''[The walkie talkie buzzes. Once again, Jigen's mood brightens]'' Oh, it's him. ---- :''[Jigen sees Lupin tied up in his underwear with a huge bump on his head]'' :'''Jigen''': Huh? Where's the woman? :'''Lupin''': She ran away. :''[Jigen bursts into laughter]'' :'''Jigen''': This is priceless! :'''Lupin''': Laugh it up. ==== Episode 11, When the Seventh Bridge Falls==== :''[Jigen sneezes]'' :'''Lupin''': Are you cold? :'''Jigen''': Of course. I wanna get home and take a nice hot bath. :'''Lupin''': Then you better return this. :''[He passes the bomb back to the shivering Jigen]'' :'''Jigen''': Huh? You're heartless. :'''Lupin''': Just do it. :''[He pushes the complaining gunman back into the water]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': She was such a nice girl. :'''Jigen''': ''[throwing Lupin out of the boat]'' Go back there by yourself, then. ==== Episode 13, Beware the Time Machine ==== :'''Lupin''': ''[to Jigen]'' You sure made one sexy maid, too! ---- :'''Fukuroko''': Well, Inspector, would it make you happy if I were Lupin? :'''Zenigata''': Huh? ''[He bursts into derisive laughter]'' :'''Fukuroko''': What if I'd switched places with the real Fukuroko when you left the room earlier? ''[Zenigata stops laughing]'' And what if all the cops here... ''[He reveals his own voice]'' :'''Lupin''': ... Happened to be my men? ''[Zenigata sees the cops dropping their masks and grinning. He charges forward]'' :'''Zenigata''': Lupin! ''[Lupin blows thick smoke from the cigar]'' Damn it, Lupin! ---- :''[Lupin finds Jigen sitting in the middle of a room cluttered with books, perusing obsessively]'' :'''Lupin''': Hey, Jigen, will you quit this already? Forget about that loon. ''[Jigen walks off to the side]'' Hmph. Fine. I'll just take Goemon with me for this next job. Hey, Goemon! Goemon! ''[To Lupin's chagrin, Goemon appears from the pile of books, likewise perusing the volumes]'' :'''Goemon''': What? :'''Lupin''': Well now, Goemon. :'''Goemon''': I'm certain I've heard of Kyousuke Mamou as well. :''[Lupin goes to the front room, sits down in an armchair and puts his feet on the table]'' :'''Lupin''': You gotta be kidding me. Mamou, Mamou, Lupin the 13th, the year two-thousand something... This ain't a sci-fi manga. :''[Some time later, Lupin sleeps in the armchair. As though in a dream, he hears Mamou's voice speaking to him]'' :'''Mamou''': Allow me to explain, Lupin. I have conquered the fourth dimension. Behold. With this time machine, I can traverse the temporal plane, past or future. And I saw it. ''[A frown forms on the slumbering thief's face]'' I saw my descendants kill your descendants. It all occurs about nine hundred years from now. ''[Lupin moans softly]'' Still don't believe me? Then I'll tell you my date of birth. It's November 18th, 1932. :''[Lupin wakes up, and sits up in confusion]'' :'''Lupin''': November 18th, 1932... Yeesh! What a lousy dream. ''[He goes to the window and stares contemplatively out of it. Jigen and Goemon enter the room]'' :'''Jigen''': Hey, Lupin, we found it. Listen up. Kyousuke Mamou, a scientist. Sci-fi author and recipient of the Hugo award. His passion lies in the fourth dimension, especially the study of time and space, but he went mad in 1966. :'''Goemon''': While institutionalised in the city's psychiatric hospital, he declared the world was in crisis, and built a time machine, his version of Noah's Ark. He is currently traveling in time. :'''Lupin''': What's his date of birth? :'''Goemon''': Date of birth? Yes, it's here. November 18th, 1932. :'''Lupin''': ''[smirking]'' Quite interesting, Mr. Kyousuke Mamou. ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[to Fujiko]'' Lupin's in a bit of a serious mood right now. He's up against a man who travels the fourth dimension, one Kyousuke Mamo. We're afraid of him, too. ''[Lupin flies into a rage and hurls a machete past them]'' :'''Lupin''': BULLCRAP! Did I ever say I was afraid? Hell no! You think I'd take that lunatic's threat seriously? ''[He grabs Fujiko]'' Come with me, Fujiko dear. ''[He races off down the road with her in his Mercedes to take her on a date and forget about the lunatic]'' ---- :''[Fujiko watches Lupin sitting dejectedly on a hill outside the church]'' :'''Fujiko''': Lupin... :''[Lupin answers with a groan]'' :'''Lupin''': It's frustrating, but... this is hopeless. :''[He trudges over to Fujiko]'' :'''Lupin''': Fujiko... :''[He kneels in front of Fujiko, buries his face into her and starts crying. Suddenly, he hears church bells ringing and gets an idea]'' :'''Lupin''': Fujiko... marry me! :'''Fujiko''': What? :'''Lupin''': [desperately] I only have three more days. This is my last wish. :''[Fujiko blinks, confused]'' :'''Lupin''': Please. We'll just do the ceremony. Please, Fujiko. :''[He beseechingly puts his hands together]'' :'''Lupin''': Please. :'''Fujiko''': You really love me that much? :'''Lupin''': Yes! :'''Fujiko''': Then... okay. :'''Lupin''': ''[spirits lifted]'' Really? Alright! ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[shaking Goemon roughly]'' Hey, Goemon! Why the hell didn't you help him? :'''Goemon''': And what exactly did you do to help? :''[Jigen, distraught, buries his face in the table]'' :'''Jigen''': Lupin... Lupin... :'''Goemon''': Don't cry, Jigen. ''[Despite this, Jigen starts to cry anyway]'' I'll avenge him. :''[Jigen looks up at Goemon indignantly]'' :'''Jigen''': Idiot! You're too old-fashioned! He's in the Fourth Dimension! The 29th Century! What can an Edo Period guy like you do? If Mr. Edo Period could do something, Lupin would most likely have done something himself. :''[He continues crying into the table]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[from behind the aquarium]'' Edo Period, huh? How insightful of you two. You've given me a great idea. :''[Goemon and Jigen stare at Lupin in shock. Jigen breaks out into a cold sweat]'' :'''Jigen''': ''[eyes streaming with fresh tears]'' Lupin... :'''Lupin''': Well, you see, I was worried that people would miss me when I was gone, so I hid for a bit. ''[He chuckles]'' :'''Jigen''': ''[angry at Lupin for scaring him]'' Damn you, Lupin! ==== Episode 14, The Emerald's Secret ==== :'''Lupin''': ''[seeing Zenigata dance with a disguised Fujiko]'' He's a superb dancer. Very manly, dynamic, simple. ==== Episode 16, Operation Jewel Snatch ==== :'''Fujiko''': ''[to Lupin]'' Your grandfather, Arsène Lupin, would never let anything slip from his grasp. :'''Jigen''': Can't disagree with you there. ---- :'''Beaver''': The emergency alarm! Call the police! :'''Jigen''': Don't make a racket. ''[He pushes Beaver so that his rear is stuck to the floor, and tapes his mouth]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': Beaver, we know you've been smuggling jewels. ==== Episode 17, Lupin Caught in a Trap ==== :'''Lupin''': Oh, come on, Jigen. Don't look so cranky. :'''Jigen''': ''[defensively]'' I was born cranky. ==== Episode 22, The First Move Computer Wins Operation ==== :'''Zenigata''': ''[near tears]'' Damn that Lupin, acting all high and mighty. :'''Chief''': Inspector, calm down. :'''Zenigata''': ''[anxious]'' But... === Lupin III Part II === ==== Episode 1, The Dashing Entrance of Lupin III ==== :'''Jigen''': ''[respectfully taking off his hat]'' These are hard times for innocent bystanders. What kind of amateur are we dealing with? ---- :''[Lupin, Jigen, Goemon and Fujiko sit on a raft in the middle of the ocean after the liner meant to trap them sinks]'' :'''Fujiko''': It's unbelievable. A billion dollars, it's all gone. Sunk in the ocean, for what? All for revenge. What a waste. :'''Lupin''': I just can't get over it. Old Pops, the constant pain in the rear, who hounded me across seven continents, is gone forever. It's really true what they say in the song, you don't know what you got until it's gone. :'''Jigen''': ''[crossing himself]'' Everybody's gotta go sometime. It's all just a long goodbye, Lupin. :'''Goemon''': Zenigata is now with his ancestors. :''[All four have a moment of silent prayer]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[choking up]'' Poor Pops. :'''Zenigata''': Lupin, you weasel! We had a deal! Get your butt over here! :''[The four of them see Zenigata riding a turtle]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[relieved]'' Pops! Is that you? We thought you were dead! Oh, I could kiss you, ya big lug! Let's get out of here, guys! The chase is on again! Woo-hoo! :''[The gang paddles the raft to New York City. Zenigata spurs the turtle forward, but it throws him off]'' :'''Zenigata''': Wait, Lupin! ==== Episode 2, A Bouquet of Bills Blossoms in Rio's Sunset ==== :'''Jail Security Guard''': Hey, knock it off in there! That tapping's driving me crazy! :'''Lupin''': Oh, sorry there, pal. But you're not officially crazy until you go... BLEH! BLEH! BLEH! ==== Episode 3, Hitler's Legacy ==== :'''Lupin''': ''[shivering and sneezing]'' I still don't get why it took you guys twenty minutes to haul me back on board! :'''Fujiko''': Actually, we could've had you out a lot sooner, lover, but everybody agreed that cold water was exactly what was needed to cure your... voyeurism. :'''Jigen''': In fact, we're gonna keep some handy. :'''Lupin''': Very funny. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[about Genhalter]'' The bad news is he's in East Berlin. :'''Fujiko''': What? East Berlin? Isn't that a little ironic? :'''Lupin''': War's over, guy says, "Hey, they may be Commies, but at least they're fellow homicidal totalitarians." ---- :''[Japanese original]'' :'''Lupin''': Maybe I'll just become a little birdie! ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[seized by West Berlin police]'' Hey, get off me! I almost had him this time, but what the hell do you care?! I know, you're only following orders! "Sieg heil!" ---- :'''Lupin''': I oughta take Rip Van Schickelgruber here and throw him back over the wall! ---- :'''Lupin''': Hey, ladies! This way! We got a rich widower with a heart condition! ---- :'''Zenigata''': Now, be a pal and pose with those transvestites. Come on, it's for my scrapbook. :'''Officer''': I'd never do that. I'm a police officer. :'''Zenigata''': Fine, fine, whatever. But don't just stand there like a big stiff. Smile at least, or something. Come on. :'''Officer''': This ''is'' my smile. :'''Zenigata''': ''[dryly]'' Big surprise. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[seeing the report cards]'' This was his secret stash?! He murders half the world and he's ashamed of ''this''?!? ==== Episode 4, I Can Hear Nessie's Song ==== :'''Goemon''': For Buddha's sake, Lupin, have some dignity. ---- :''[Lupin sees Fujiko being abducted by Dr. Oz]'' :'''Lupin''': Fujiko! Fujiko, hold on! I'm coming! ''[He grabs the oars]'' Come on, Jigen, we gotta help her! :''[He starts rowing at speed, causing Jigen to almost fall out and nearly drop the scotch]'' :'''Jigen''': Hey, hey, hey! The scotch! Who-o-oah! :''[Over on the boat, Fujiko feebly protests]'' :'''Fujiko''': No! Let go of me! :'''Dr. Oz''': Faster! Let's go! :''[Lupin rows frantically, inadvertently tossing Jigen up and down]'' :'''Lupin''': Fujiko! Fujiko! Fujiko! :'''Jigen''': ''[simultaneously]'' Uh! Ow! Oh! :'''Fujiko''': Lupin, help! :''[Dr. Oz turns the boat around. Lupin approaches it in the rowboat]'' :'''Lupin''': Don't worry! I'm coming! Here I am! :''[He swings at one of the men and hits him on the head]'' :'''Jigen''': Hey! Take it easy! I'm getting seasick! :''[A wave from the boat capsizes Lupin's small rowboat. Dr. Oz's motorboat drives away]'' :'''Fujiko''': Lupin! :''[Lupin and Jigen lie across the capsized boat]'' :'''Lupin''': Jigen! Get 'em, get 'em, get 'em! :'''Jigen''': ''[aiming his pistol]'' Hang on. I can't get a beat on 'em. :'''Lupin''': Come on! They're getting away! Shoot 'em, willya? :''[He impatiently hits Jigen over the head with an oar]'' :'''Lupin''': Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! :''[He looks over at Jigen, who is lying, dazed, across the capsized boat]'' :'''Lupin''': Oops. Sorry, pal. ---- :'''Goemon''': ''[after saving Lupin and Jigen from being taken out by an assassin]'' It's a good thing that one of us wasn't sleeping on the job. ---- :''Lupin suddenly cries out. Jigen shoves him to the ground as bullets rain over them]'' :'''Jigen''': Damn it! What in the hell is the matter with you, Lupin? :'''Lupin''': Matter?! What's the matter?! Ask my damn butt! :''[Lupin has a bear trap on his behind]'' :'''Jigen''': Ooh, that's gotta hurt. These guys are good. I mean, well, you know. ---- :''[Goemon pulls at the bear trap on Lupin's behind]'' :'''Lupin''': Ow! Easy, Goemon! :'''Goemon''': Transcend it. :''[Goemon pulls the thing free, ripping off the back of Lupin's pants in the process]'' :'''Lupin''': "Transcend it", my ass! :'''Goemon''': Ah, the old exploding bear trap in the ass trick. ''[He throws away the bear trap and it explodes]'' :'''Lupin''': ''ANYBODY HERE NOT TRYING TO KILL ME?!'' :'''Goemon''': Sorry. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Yep, that sedative would stop a Brahman bull. Prepare to be roped, tied and branded, little dogie. You can sleep it off on your way to prison, on a nice long flight. Not much legroom, but you won't notice. ''[He imagines wheeling a suitcase through the airport, with a dazed Lupin crammed inside. Zenigata imagines himself getting out a syringe]'' A little more? Just say no to drugs, kids. ''[He imagines himself injecting Lupin with the liquid and the thief passing out. Back in reality, he searches for where to aim]'' :'''Zenigata''': Head... neck... shoulder... heart... ''[He sets the crosshairs on Lupin's navel]'' Ah, perfect! There we go. :''[He fires the tranquilizer dart. Goemon rushes in and deflects the dart]'' :'''Zenigata''': Huh? ''[The dart hits Zenigata's forehead]'' ''Ow!!'' :'''British Officer''': You alright, sir? :''[Zenigata sits there, stunned. A dazed smile forms on his face]'' :'''Zenigata''': ''Yyyyeeeeessss, just fiiine.'' :'''British Officer''': Inspector Zenigata! ''[Zenigata yawns]'' Bloody hell. ''[Zenigata falls over backwards and passes out]'' ''Now'' what do I do? ---- :'''Jigen''': Uh, Lupin? I take it back. What I said about Nessie. :'''Lupin''': You? Yeah. Gimme a break. :'''Jigen''': No, really. I've been skeptical about the whole thing, but I'm starting to come around to your point of view. :'''Lupin''': Oh, really? And what brought about this conversion? :'''Jigen''': Oh, I don't know. Probably this fifty-foot sea serpent here. :'''Lupin''': Yeah, yeah. Very... ''[He turns around and finds that Jigen is absolutely correct]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': Help! I'm being eaten by a quaint folk legend! ---- :'''Dr. Oz''': What a touching tableau. I'm all choked up. :'''Jigen''': Not enough, if you ask me. :'''Dr. Oz''': I'd say that beard disqualifies you from weighing in on matters of taste. :'''Jigen''': Hey! Come on down here and say that! ---- :'''Lupin''': Smart guy like you? You really thought Nessie would be attracted to this tin can? :'''Dr. Oz''': Her mating habits are obscure. :'''Lupin''': I'm guessing yours must be too if you really thought this lame plan would work. :'''Dr. Oz''': You can bait me all you like, but it's all moot since your friend charmed Nessie for me. :'''Jigen''': Thanks a lot, Fujiko. :'''Fujiko''': Don't blame me. :'''Lupin''': It's, uh, kind of funny, you know? :''[He and Jigen burst out laughing]'' :'''Dr. Oz''': What is so amusing? :'''Fujiko''': I happen to have a nice singing voice! :'''Lupin''': It's just that it's not the first of your charms that comes to mind. :'''Fujiko''': Oh God, you're hopeless. :''[She knees Lupin in the chin]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': Fujiko, keep singing! ''Mother, father, please believe me, every word is true. I just glimpsed a...'' :''[The Loch Ness Monster heads back underwater]'' :'''Lupin''': Uh-oh, I don't think he likes my rendition very much. ==== Episode 5, I'll Show You How to Transport Gold Bullion ==== :'''Lupin''': You keep trying, Pops. At least the law of averages is on your side, if nothing else. ---- :''[The gang arrive in Nice and trudges along the Promenade des Anglais]'' :'''Jigen''': Oh man, I am so glad to be out of that friggin' forest. :'''Lupin''': Walking all night, starving to death, I can't take another step... Whoa, a restaurant! Woo-hoo! ==== Episode 6, Is the Leaning Tower of Pisa Standing? ==== :'''Lupin''': Of course it's leaning, Jigen. It's just, after all that chianti, you are, too. :'''Jigen''': Oh. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Lupin! ''[He finds he's sitting on a dolphin's back. It dives into the water]'' Hey! ''[It dives back out again]'' Whoa! Cut it out! I'm on official business here! Whoa! ''[And it dives in and out again]'' Stop! I'm serious! ''[And again]'' I'll get you for this, Lupi- ''[And again]'' How do you turn this thing off? ==== Episode 7, Tutankhamun's 3,000 Year-Old Curse ==== :'''Jigen''': Inshallah, you two. ''[He exits, then pops his head back around the door]'' That basically means "good friggin' luck", pal. ---- :'''Zenigata''': I need a seat on the next direct flight to Cairo. :'''Clerk''': If that's your idea of a joke, sir, it's not appreciated. :'''Zenigata''': Listen, I don't know what the hell you're talking about, pal, but I need a... :'''Clerk''': This is an Israeli airport, sir. There are no direct flights to any Arab country. :''[Enraged, Zenigata grabs the clerk by his shoulders]'' :'''Zenigata''': Look, you, this is the last time I'm gonna ask you nicely. Get me a flight to Cairo! :'''Clerk''': Security! Hurry! We've got a lunatic! :''[The guards beat Zenigata and drag him away]'' :'''Zenigata''': No! Wait! Please! I'm one of the good guys, really! ---- :'''Jigen''': I know we're superstitious, but are we ''this'' superstitious? ---- :'''Goemon''': The sun sets, and the sun rises again. :'''Jigen''': The same sun the Pharaohs worshipped thousands of years ago. :''[Fujiko enters onto the deck, carrying the mask]'' :'''Fujiko''': Yes. You know our lives really are just the blink of an eye. :''[The guys notice Fujiko. All pause thoughtfully.]'' :'''Jigen''': How's he doing down there, anyway? :'''Fujiko''' Once he knew we were heading for the Valley of the Kings, he smiled and fell fast asleep. :'''Goemon''': Fujiko, is that the...? :''[Fujiko nods]'' :'''Fujiko''': I'm so ashamed of myself. I just hope it's not too late to return it. ''[Jigen and Goemon stare at her perspicaciously]'' He fell asleep in my arms, babbling and shivering. It was unbearable, seeing him like that, frail and frightened. He was clinging to me like a newborn baby. ---- :'''Fujiko''' The blood on the cuffs is his. He had to yank his hands free. You know as well as I do, Inspector, that if Lupin were in his right mind, he could just slip right out of them. :'''Zenigata''': You know, you got a point there. So, then, where would he be? :'''Fujiko''': He must be in the Valley of the Kings. :''[She covers her mouth as she realizes she just tipped off Zenigata. A broad, gleeful smile spreads across Zenigata's face]'' :'''Zenigata''': Much obliged, Fujiko. ---- :'''Lupin''': So, how was I? As a king? :'''Fujiko''': Sick and scary. :'''Lupin''': I mean before that. :'''Fujiko''': Oh, you want to know about... :'''Lupin''': Uh-huh. :'''Fujiko''': No, you didn't bring out the concubine in me. ''[Lupin is crestfallen]'' You were goofy. You should have seen yourself. :'''Lupin''': Damn! ==== Episode 8, The Venice Superexpress ==== :'''Lupin''': ''[in disguise]'' Hey, train dudes! Like, wait up, y'know? ---- :'''Lupin''': Hey, Jigen, listen up. Remember that map? :'''Jigen''': M-hm. Yeah. What about it? :'''Lupin''': You must have left it at the hotel. Zenigata found it and he's on the train. :'''Jigen''': What? Really? Nah. That's impossible. I'd never make a rookie mistake like that. :'''Goemon''': There's a simple way to resolve this. :''[Jigen sighs and searches his own jacket]'' :'''Jigen''': Yeah, sure, I got it right he- Where the hell is it? Aw, man. :'''Lupin''': Don't sweat it. Pops'll be looking for us, and luckily we're in disguise. I'm sure he's clueless about Martino. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Guess we're sharing this compartment. Come on, sit down. :'''Lupin''': Uh, no, man. It's like, you know... later! ''[He opens the next door, and finds Fujiko changing]'' Yeah! ''[She throws her shoe at him]'' :'''Fujiko''': Dirty hippy! :''[Zenigata peers out the doorway of his compartment. Lupin, seeing him, quickly gets up, whistles to himself with feigned innocence and hastily ducks into his own compartment]'' :'''Zenigata''': I could swear I heard a woman scream out here. ''[He heads to Fujiko's compartment and peers inside]'' Excuse me, but I thought... ''[Fujiko screams and throws her other shoe at Zenigata]'' Oww. ''[He reveals a shoe print on his face from where Fujiko hit him]'' ---- :'''Fujiko''': ''[in disguise]'' So, you're actually on a case, Inspector? How exciting! :'''Zenigata''': Oh, yeah? Exactly how excited are you? :''[Fujiko gasps at his tone. Zenigata reveals himself, without taking off his mask, to be Lupin in disguise]'' :'''Lupin''': You know, that jockey's outfit back there was giving me ideas. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Why, you're Lupin! Hold it right there! :'''Lupin''': Nope. ---- :'''Fujiko''': Lupin, listen! You gotta get out of there! You're gonna crash on that bridge up ahead! :'''Lupin''': Get over there first and blow up the bridge! :'''Fujiko''': No, you're insane! Don't do it! You're gonna plunge into the gorge! :'''Lupin''': Just do it, willya? Not that I don't appreciate your concern, sweetheart. :'''Fujiko''': ''[acting like a tsundere]'' Did you think I was talking about you? It's the loot I'm worried about! :''[Lupin reacts with frustration]'' ==== Episode 9, What Do You Think of the Ukiyo-e Blues ==== :'''Sharaku''': Water. Please, I... :''[He grabs Jigen's scotch]'' :'''Jigen''': No! Don't you drink that! It's not water, it's... :''[Sharaku downs the scotch]'' :'''Jigen''': Don't you... :''[Sharaku finishes the scotch and lies back down]'' :'''Jigen''': Damn it. Just my luck. This he's got the strength to finish. ---- :'''Jigen''': I hope he's just hungover. ==== Episode 10, Steal File M123 ==== :''[Lupin and Fujiko are locked in a basement]'' :'''Lupin''': Well, the good thing is, I don't think it's Hell. :'''Fujiko''': Not a real far cry, though. ---- :'''Jigen''': You know, you're like a friggin' teenager, Lupin. You gotta grow up, man. :'''Lupin''': ''[petulantly]'' I am ''not'' like a teenager! You guys suck! Go on, take off. Who needs ya? ''[He hears Jigen and Goemon leaving]'' It's not fair! Everyone's being mean to me! ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[as Zenigata]'' I'd say the acting's a bit over the top, wouldn't you? :'''Zenigata''': I'm not acting, me! ---- :'''Goemon''': ''[as Zenigata]'' Hey! What the hell is everybody doing dressed up like me? ---- :'''Chief''': Mr. Zenigata. :'''Zenigatas''': Yes! :''[The chief groans]'' :'''Zenigata''': Listen, I'm the real Zenigata. I should know who the hell I am, shouldn't I? :'''Zenigata 2''': ''[Lupin]'' He's lying, sir! :'''Zenigata 1''': ''[Jigen]'' They're all lying! :'''Zenigata 4''': ''[Goemon]'' Except for me! ---- :'''Zenigata''': Stewardess! Don't let them on there! :'''Jigen''': How did he get out? ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[seeing Zenigata on his and Lupin's tail]'' Butt pain at six o'clock. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Lupin, I know you can hear me. :'''Lupin''': That's a Roger, Red Baron. I'm here. :'''Zenigata''': I know you stole the file from Scotland Yard. Over. :'''Lupin''': Just casing the competition. Over. :'''Zenigata''': You better hand it over. Over. :'''Lupin''': Why don't you roll me in the clover? Over. :'''Zenigata''': ''YOU GO TO HEEEEEELLLL!'' Uh, over. ---- :'''Goemon''': So, the belt explodes if I do this? :'''Lupin''': Hey, hey! Not funny. ---- :'''Lupin''': Who wants chicken nuggets!? ==== Episode 11, Wager on the Monaco GP ==== :'''Jigen''': Goemon, are you in? :'''Goemon''': Hmm... Why not? I'll give it a try. :'''Jigen''': Are you saying you've never been before? ---- :'''Lupin''': This is just great! After all the work I put into that stupid race tomorrow! :'''Jigen''': It's your own damn fault. :'''Lupin''': ''I KNOW!!!'' ---- :'''Jigen''': May I remind you the last time she got us a good deal was ''never''? ---- :'''Fujiko''': I've always thought of you boys as close relatives. :'''Lupin''': ''[incredulously]'' Yeah? That's what Lizzie Borden said. ---- :'''Lupin''': I can't believe I lost all that money. :'''Fujiko''': Yeah? Well, that was ''my'' money, you big dumb jerk! :''[She scratches his face]'' :'''Lupin''': Help! She's gonna kill me! :''[He flees down the promenade, with Fujiko in pursuit]'' :'''Fujiko''': You wish! Killing's too good for you! ==== Episode 12, A Present for the President ==== :'''Zenigata''': But I'm telling you, I'm the only one in the world who can capture this guy! :'''Bordeaux Chief''': I know what you are saying, but then why have you not captured him? :''[Zenigata hesitates]'' ---- :'''Bordeaux Chief''': Just follow me, Inspector Origami. :'''Zenigata''': Hey, the name's not Origami, it's Zenigata! ---- :''[Fujiko notices Lupin watching her get in the wine barrel]'' :'''Fujiko''': Grow up, will you? ''[Lupin giggles. As Fujiko gets into the barrel, she sees Goemon watching her]'' You, too? :'''Goemon''' ''[guiltily]'' Uh, me? Uh, I didn't see a thing. ---- :'''Bordeaux Chief''': It's all up to you, Inspector Epiglottis. ---- :'''Bordeaux Chief''': I know my job, Inspector Terra Cotta. ---- :'''Zenigata''': I knew you were settin' me up, Lupin. You had no idea where the bottle was, but I turned the tables on you, Lupin! I had him take me to the wrong place, and now you're hoist on your own whatever you call it. :'''Lupin''': ''[annoyed]'' "Petard", it's called a damn petard! ---- :''[Lupin is drunkenly driving the gang back to the hideout]'' :'''Jigen''': You sure you're okay to drive? :'''Lupin''': Oh, sure. I'm fine. Just fine. Little bit of alcohol like that isn't going to affect me. :'''Fujiko''': ''[sitting in the back with Goemon]'' Lupin, cut it out! ---- :''[Lupin and Goemon are seriously hungover]'' :'''Jigen''': You guys are a couple of lightweights. :'''Lupin''': Come on, man, keep it down, willya? :'''Jigen''': Ah, geez... :'''Goemon''': You know, just for the record, I've never been hungover from drinking sake. :'''Lupin'''': Gee, you think maybe that's cause it ''TASTES LIKE CRAP?!'' ---- :'''Bordeaux Chief''': Ah, here you are, my dear good friend and colleague, Inspector Pennsylvania. Mon ami. ''[He vigorously pumps the hungover Zenigata's arm]'' Merci. Thanks to you, the bottle is perfectly safe with us. ''[He slaps Zenigata on the back]'' :'''Zenigata''': Hey, Lieutenant, you think you can get my name right if I promise not to throw up on your shoes? ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[in disguise, offering to kiss Zenigata on the cheek]'' 'Allo! What about me? :'''Zenigata''': Uh, no thanks. Gotta run. Bye! ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[to a flight attendant he doesn't realize is Fujiko in disguise, gesturing suggestively]'' I'll take whateeeever you're serving. :'''Fujiko''': ''[going behind a curtain]'' Ugh. :'''Zenigata''': Oh, miiiiss? :'''Fujiko''': ''[politely]'' I'll be right back. ''[to Lupin]'' Let's get this over with. Now he's flirting with me! ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[in a note to Zenigata]'' "Dear Inspector: In recognition of your nearly successful efforts, here's some really cheap crap. HA!" ---- :'''Bordeaux Chief''': You are twice the hero, Inspector Sanitation. :'''Zenigata''': Um, well, I mean, uh... :'''Bordeaux Chief''': Modest, too! ---- :'''Reporter''': Inspector, you know Lupin and his gang better than anyone. Why would they pass up a chance to steal a priceless historical artifact in favor of a crate full of dolls intended as Christmas presents for underprivileged children? :'''Zenigata''': It's really baffling, that's all I can say. :'''Lupin Gang''': What'd he say?! ==== Episode 13, The Great San Francisco Chase==== :'''Lupin hallucination''': Aw, you don't wanna kill me. I mean, that'd just be case of murder-suicide, now, wouldn't it, Pops? ''[He laughs maniacally]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': I can't believe we were beaten to the punch like that! :'''Goemon''': You really need to let that go, my friend. :'''Fujiko''': Goemon's right, Lupin. You're really losing perspective here. I mean, we just scored the biggest, most beautiful diamond I've ever laid eyes on. :'''Lupin''': And will you love it as much when it retails for five bucks? ---- :'''Henchman''': ''[witnessing Zenigata talking in his sleep about Lupin]'' The boss was right. This guy is seriously obsessed. ---- :'''Henchman''': ''[smelling Zenigata's breath]'' Son of a bitch. Smells like something died in here. Guy could use a mint. ---- :'''Henchman 2''': Anyways, all's I'm saying is, great game plan, great team, great execution. :'''Boss''': And, uh, speaking of execution, you know what happens to guys who double-cross me, right? :'''Henchman 2''': Eh, we did it. I swear. Here, look. We even took a picture when we finished. :''[He hands the boss the picture. The boss is so shocked his voice slips]'' :'''Lupin''': ''Zenigata?!'' He's the guy?? ---- :'''Goemon''': ''[knocking out the henchmen]'' They'll be fine... ish. ---- :'''Lupin''': Anyway, we already know where the microfilm is. :'''Jigen''': Hell of a lot of good that does us. Though some fun pictures do come to mind. ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[after the psychiatrist uses a bizarre analogy to describe his depression]'' I suppose I should be flattered by that, but I guess I'm just too depressed. ---- :'''Zenigata''': You're not real... You're not real... You're not real! :'''Lupin''': Yoo-hoo! ''[He waggles his tongue at Zenigata. The Inspector screams and runs down the street, leaving a confused Lupin standing there]'' ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[while driving after Zenigata]'' He's driving like a friggin' maniac. ''[An amused little smile spreads across his face]'' I gotta admit it, though: It does feel kinda nice to be running ''his'' sorry ass ragged for a change. ---- :'''Jigen''': Admit it, you were blinded by diamonds and you betrayed us... just like a typical woman. ---- :'''Lupin''': Open wide now, Inspector Sleeping Beauty. ''[He holds Zenigata's nose. The Inspector sneezes violently, and the microfilm goes flying]'' What...? Hey! It's not in there! What's going on? :'''Fujiko''': Wh... Wha...? :'''Jigen''': ''[whistling and pointing to show the direction the microfilm flew in and then pointing to the ocean]'' Mmm... hm. Ker-plop. ---- :'''Lupin''': So, Pops, I hear you talk about me in your sleep! :'''Zenigata''': Shut up, shut up, shut ''up''! ==== Episode 14, The Great Caribbean Adventure ==== :'''Lupin''': Title! ---- :'''Goemon''': When a fever like that proves impervious to every stratagem of Western medicine, it's time for a little Jiryu-toh. :'''Lupin''': What the hell is Jiryu-toh? :'''Goemon''': It's a broth of pregnant earthworms. :''[Lupin gags]'' :'''Lupin''': Oh man, you gotta be kidding me. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Hey, that looked like them! Naw, it can't be. My brain's just rattled from this damn donkey ride. I mean, lots of people go hang-gliding into remote drug cult temples all the time and then... OH! IT IS HIM! ---- :'''Lupin''': You're not fooling me! I saw "The Wizard of Oz" 100 times! :'''Black Magician''': Alright, very well, then. Just trying to have a little fun, for heaven's sakes. ---- :''[The ruby has poor Zenigata hypnotised]'' :'''Zenigata''': My darling, you're so smooth and silky and stuff. Even smoother than mommy, and don't tell her, but I think you even smell a little better. It'll be our little secret... ==== Episode 15, The Great Detectives Take to the Sky==== :''[Zenigata rushes to the blimp as the gangway starts to close]'' :'''Zenigata''': Hey, hold it! I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming! :'''Announcer''': And we almost forgot Inspector Zenigata of Interpol. :''[Zenigata dives for the steps but misses. He jumps at the gap in between the steps]'' :'''Zenigata''': Damn it all, I just... :''[He lifts himself onto the steps, and they close, almost crushing him]'' :'''Announcer''': As did everyone else, apparently. ---- :'''Fujiko''': ''[doing a bad Peter Lorre impression]'' Gentlemen, dinner is served. ---- :'''Gabriel''': Lupin only has until midnight to steal this treasure. After that, not even the greatest thief in the world could pull it off. :'''Lupin''': ''[as Sherlock Holmes III]'' Quite brilliant, really. I must say. It's got me pondering the best orifice for my stamp collection. :'''Zenigata''': Uh... No way. I'm not gonna touch that one. Three hours left. :'''Gabriel''': So, come on. Candyland? Moustrap? Hungry Hippos? ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[as Archer]'' Why don't you just slip me a mickey? I mean, you got anything a little peppier? You know, like... ''[He drums on a bottle and hums a tune before falling over backwards]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': Just give it up. There's no way out of this this time, Lupin. We're puttin' you on ice for good and I got your mittens right here. ''[He pulls out a pair of handcuffs]'' :'''Lupin''': That's very kind, but you might wanna save those for that cold day in hell when I admit defeat. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[previewing the next episode]'' Oh, man, how did I get so ugly? And mean? Is that really me? Something funny's going on and I don't mean ha-ha funny like this. It's shocking. It's exciting. It's smack-me-up-the-head-and-call-me-Patsy. Catch you later! ==== Episode 16, The Two Faces of Lupin==== :'''Zenigata''': Lupin likes to think of himself as some sort of a gentleman thief. If he says he'll be here at three o'clock Thursday morning, you can count on it. ---- :'''Zenial''': What could you possible want, ma cherie? :'''Fujiko''': To feel loved, of course, mon petit escargot. :'''Zenial''': ''[confused]'' Your little... snail? ---- :'''Lupin''': So someone's running around impersonating me. I mean, what's so hard to grasp? I am something of a celebrity, you know. :'''Fujiko''': He dresses like you, he sounds like you, and he's got your fingerprints. :'''Lupin''': Yeah, but he's not as handsome, according to you. :'''Fujiko''': So what? You're a master of disguise, and I didn't say handsome anyway. ---- :'''Fujiko''': Whatever. You guys stick together, and I'll stick to my principles, like not working with killers. :''[She leaves in a huff]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[frustrated]'' What a hypocritical bitch! "Principles", my ass. ---- :'''Fake Lupin''': You know, if this was good enough to con a couple of cons like that, we just might win an Academy Award. :'''Dr. Normil''': Uh-huh. I could be Geffen, and you Katzenberg. But right now, I'd suggest that we check on our little Robert Downey Jr. :''[Lupin is slumped over the table, motionless and groaning]'' :'''Fake Lupin''': This I gotta see. How much of that stuff did you slip in? :''[Lupin completely passes out, drifting off into a deep sleep]'' :'''Dr. Normil''': ''[with a wicked chuckle]'' Enough. Yes, and he'll have absolutely no memory of anything that's happened. :'''Fake Lupin''': Yeah, or of anything that didn't happen either. :'''Dr. Normil''': ''[laughing]'' Exactly! ---- :''[Lupin stands on a tire and puts his head in a noose]'' :'''Lupin''': It's been fun... 'til now. :''[He kicks the tire away, but the second he does, a bullet from a revolver cuts the rope]'' :'''Lupin''': Damn it! Can't a guy kill himself in peace?!? :'''Fujiko''': Sorry, Lupin, but I just can't let you do this. ---- :''[Tied to a chair, Lupin suddenly tenses. Fujiko gasps]'' :'''Fujiko''': It's midnight, right on the dot! :''[Lupin writhes in his seat. Fujiko cocks her gun]'' :'''Fujiko''': Lupin, sorry I have to do this. We'll be together soon. :'''Lupin''': No, wait! It's a... It's a... :''[He sneezes]'' :'''Fujiko''': ''[relieved]'' I knew I was right. You're not a killer. In fact, you're even allergic to death. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[disguised as Dr. Normil]'' Aha! There he is! Look! :'''Zenigata''': Give me those. ''[He snatches the binoculars, nearly accidentally strangling Lupin, who still has the binoculars cord around his neck]'' ---- :'''Fujiko''': Old Pops is going to be really disappointed, but at least he didn't go empty-handed, you know? ==== Episode 17, Aim for the Oildollar ==== :'''Jigen''': Okay, Goemon. You take his right leg, I'll take his left one. :''[They grab Lupin, hold him upside down and shake him]'' :'''Lupin''': Ooh! Ooh! Hey! Guys! Easy! Ow! Ooh! Uh! Ooh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! ---- :''[Jigen paces back and forth across the room]'' :'''Goemon''': We did everything we could. You know that, Jigen. :'''Jigen''': Yeah, I know, I know. :'''Fujiko''': Poor Lupin. :'''Lupin''': ''[from the bathroom]'' Oh! Atlantic Ocean! :''[He emerges feebly from the bathroom]'' :'''Jigen''': What happened? Are you all right? :'''Lupin''': Yeah. I'm fine. ''[He presents the bomb Lawrence made him swallow]'' But that horse laxative almost did me in. ---- :'''Goemon''': Shut up and have some dignity, for god's sake. ''[Fujiko blows a raspberry at him]'' Real mature. ---- :'''Lupin''': What? But, hey! What about all the money? :'''Fujiko''': Hey, I wasn't exactly in a strong bargaining position or anything. :'''Lupin''': Yeah, but, couldn't you... You know... :'''Fujiko''': What, take on the whole group of them in alphabetical order? :'''Jigen''': Well, it's not like it'd be the first time or anything. ==== Episode 18, The Black Panther ==== :'''Lupin''': This is great. I mean, this is the ultimate mother of all birthday presents. Can you imagine her reaction when she opens it up? "You're giving me the Black Panther? Oh, Lupin, I love you! Come over here, I want to be your little pussycat!" ''[He makes kissing sounds near Goemon]'' :'''Goemon''': First, I'm not a prop for your sexual fantasies. Secondly... ''[He pushes Lupin away]'' You don't have it yet. ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[showing the hotel clerk a picture of Lupin]'' This is what he looks like. Well, most of the time, I mean. Sometimes he's a woman, or an eskimo, or... Anyway, have you seen him? ---- :''[The gang spies on Conaiseau]'' :'''Jigen''': It sounds like they're getting ready to hit the road. Yeah, you called it, Lupin. :'''Lupin''': I still can't figure it, though. This guy's nuts. At least with Pops, it's all, you know, pretty damn... predictable. :'''Zenigata''': ''[suddenly appearing at the window]'' ''Well, well!'' :'''Lupin''': Usually, anyway! :'''Zenigata''': All of you, out of the car now! :'''Lupin''': Well, what can one say to a gracious invitation like that except... Bleh! FLOOR IT! :''[The gang drives away]'' ---- :'''Jigen''': Where the hell are these guys going? :'''Lupin''': Beats me. Better not be one of those three-hour tours you hear about on Nick@Nite. :'''Jigen''': ''[chuckling]'' Yeah. ---- :'''Lupin''': Sounds to me like someone's afraid he might not measure up. :'''Jigen''': Oh, that's ridiculous, man! My resemblance to Dillinger inspired me to pursue this career! :'''Lupin''': What, his scrawny ass? :'''Jigen''': Okay, fine! If it'll shut you up, let's just go! ---- :'''Naturist Woman''': Can't you read? This is a restricted area. Women only. Where's your registration tag? :'''Lupin''': ''[leering]'' Gee, I forget. I guess you'll just have to frisk me. :''[A woman scratches Lupin's face. He and Conaiseau are chased by a mob of angry women]'' :'''Conaiseau''': That's no way to charm a lady! :'''Lupin''': Oh, like I'm gonna take lessons from you! ==== Episode 20, Lupin Up Against the Wall ==== :'''Zenigata''': ''[to Lupin]'' You're coming with me! ''[Fujiko knocks him out]'' Ow. :'''Fujiko''': Clumsy me. ---- :'''Generalissimo Hatler''': Mobilize the tanks! :'''Hess''': Ja wohl! :'''Zenigata''': ''[gagged with tape]'' Not the tanks, you big gorilla! Can't you see? That's just what he wants! He thrives on chaos! ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[through his gag]'' See you later, Lupin! You'll be hearing from me! ---- :'''Lupin''': I'd been meaning to ask you: How'd that flesh wound of yours heal up? :'''Fujiko''': I'm as good as new. :'''Lupin''': Really? Ooh... ''[He takes a look between Fujiko's breasts]'' I'll just... :''[Fujiko yelps and slaps Lupin.]'' :'''Fujiko''': ''Lupin''! :''[The young man careens down the hill in his wheelchair]'' :'''Lupin''': Whoooooa! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, noooooooo! :''[He passes Jigen and Goemon. Goemon rests by the trunk while Jigen is on one of the branches. Lupin continues screaming in the background]'' :'''Jigen''': Hey, we've done all we can for the guy. :'''Goemon''': He's on this own this time. :''[Lupin bumps along the dirt path, yelping. Zenigata approaches in his path]'' :'''Zenigata''': Whoa, what's that? ''[Lupin speeds uncontrollably in his direction]'' Hey, wait a minute! :'''Lupin''': I can't stop! :''[Zenigata runs towards Lupin]'' :'''Zenigata''': It's Lupin! ''[He decides it's a good idea to run back in the other direction]'' Hey! Whoa! :'''Lupin''': Pops! Wait! Please help me! :'''Zenigata''': Hey! Get away from me! ''[Zenigata runs down a hill shoulder with Lupin bouncing close behind]'' Get away from me! What are you doing? Let go of me! :'''Lupin''': Help! Help! :''[They crash into each other and fall over]'' ==== Episode 23, Witch of the Fourth Dimension ==== :'''Chief''': Well, give my regards to Speed Racer. I bid you adieu. :'''Zenigata''': ''[into his hat]'' Penis! :'''Chief''': Pardon? :''[Zenigata turns and hits his head on the door]'' :'''Zenigata''': Ow. Must have caught a cold or something. ''[He feigns another sneeze]'' Asswipe! ---- :'''French Taxi Driver''': Who are you? :'''Zenigata''': ''[sarcastically]'' I'm Jerry Lewis! :''[He hijacks the taxi]'' :'''French Taxi Driver''': You've lost weight! ---- :'''Zenigata''': I'm a very grumpy guy. ---- :'''Jigen''': Hey, Goemon. :'''Goemon''': Yes? What? Well? :'''Jigen''': It's Fujiko. She wants to talk to Lupin. :'''Goemon''': Uh-oh. :'''Jigen''': I know. I'm afraid just hearing her voice. It's gonna be enough to make him jump out the window or something. :'''Lupin''': BANZAI! :''[a glass window breaks]'' :'''Jigen''': You know? ---- :'''Bujiko''': Now here's a map, whether you believe it or not. I think it's in some kind of code. :'''Lupin''': That looks like... hieroglyphics! :''[Remembering the curse of King Tutankhamun, Lupin becomes very frightened]'' :'''Bujiko''': What the...? ''[She tenderly touches Lupin's chin as he trembles]'' You know, I don't understand what you're saying to me, Lupin, and that really ticks me off. :'''Lupin''': It's the curse of King Tut. I already did that one! :'''Bujiko''': But it's kind of cute, you know? ==== Episode 24, The Phantom Thief Nezumi Kozō ==== :'''Lupin''': Okay, so who've you ticked off? :'''Goemon''': No one. :'''Jigen''': ''[to Lupin]'' He's got a point. I mean, ''you're'' the annoying one on this team. ---- :'''Goemon''': Huh? There's a light on. This guy's brazen. ---- :'''Rat Boy''': And I didn't just bathe in there, either. ---- :'''Goemon''': What's this? :'''Rat Boy''': Well, with books, it usually helps to open them up. ---- :'''Goemon''': Whoa, what's all this? :'''Rat Boy''': Well, it's your ancestor, Goemon the Tenth, having a bad hair day, apparently. ---- :'''Rat Boy''': If that doesn't tell you how close they were, then maybe I could draw you a picture. :'''Goemon''': Uh, no, that's alright. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Holy crap, where is he, damn it all?! ''[He opens the door, smashing the Chief]'' Chief, are you here?! ---- :'''Chief''': Cause if we do fail... It's... ''[He makes a throat-slicing motion and a gagging noise]'' :'''Zenigata''': Don't worry about it, Chief. This one's a no-brainer. ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[bursting into Lupin's room]'' Hey, Lupin, we've got a problem. ''[To his dismay, he finds the young man snoring away in bed]'' Oh, man. Look at him. ''[He opens the curtains, then shakes Lupin gently on the shoulder]'' Hey, buddy, get out of bed. It's lunchtime. ''[Lupin sleeps blissfully on]'' Wouldn't you know it? Dead to the world. I swear to God, this guy could sleep through World War friggin' Three. Sorry, man, but I'm afraid you leave no alternative. Gotta bring out the heavy artillery. Hey, Fujiko! Put on some clothes! :''[Lupin wakes up immediately. He springs out of his bed, inadvertently throwing his duvet over Jigen]'' :'''Lupin''': Huh?! Where?! Tell me! Come on! :'''Jigen''': ''[throwing the cover off]'' She's not here, Lupin. :'''Lupin''': What the-? Hey! That's low! I'll get you. Just you wait. ---- :'''Jigen''': Hey, hey Romeo. We only got till tomorrow at noontime. :'''Lupin''': Thanks, ''mom''. Don't wait up for me now. I can let myself in. ---- :'''Officer''': This guy was drunk and disorderly, Inspector. Put up quite a fight on the way here. :'''Zenigata''': ''THEN LOCK HIM UP! WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO, MAKE YOU A POT OF COFFEE?! GO ON! GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!'' ---- :'''Ratboy''': ''[to his mouse]'' Okay, Liza. Make me proud. ---- :'''Ratboy''': ''[in disguise, while in the men's room]'' Uh, well, I, uh, thought I smelled gas... :'''Zenigata''': Oh, yeah? :''[He slowly approaches Ratboy, who stands there, terrified. Then Zenigata laughs lightly]'' :'''Zenigata''': Well, doesn't that, you know, sorta come with the territory? ---- :''[Jigen is woken by the sun's glare]'' :'''Jigen''': Crap! ''[He checks his watch]'' Huh? How the hell did I sleep so late? Damn it. Some kind of a lookout. I must be getting old, or something. ''[He hears Lupin's laughter behind him]'' Lupin! Listen, man. I have no idea know how this happened. I mean, one minute, I'm scoping out the plaza down there, and the next thing I know... :'''Lupin''': ''[calming him down]'' It's okay. Ratboy's been working for us all night. :'''Jigen''': What? The rat? Working for us? :'''Lupin''': Yeah, and he's not half bad, either. I mean, you know, for a super-annoying, ugly little pimple-beaked freakazoid. So, that crate pretty comfortable? ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[laughing at the ridiculous situation while also hearing Ratboy's laugh]'' Oh, brother. Does he always laugh like that? :'''Jigen''': I'm afraid so. ==== Episode 25, The Coming of the Iron Lizards ==== :'''Jigen''': Uh, Lupin? :'''Lupin''': Yeah? :'''Jigen''': Knock, knock. :'''Lupin''': Who's there? :'''Jigen''': Land shark! ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[disguised as a guard]'' Admittedly, it's all a bit Coyote and Road Runner, but it works. ---- :'''Fujiko''': Quit staring down my slip and pull me up! ---- :'''Zenigata''': Well, at least he's alive. Thank goodness for that. ==== Episode 26, The Rose and the Pistol ==== :''[Jigen starts after the woman's kidnappers]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[pinkies cuffed]'' Hey, Jigen, wait! Give me a hand here! :'''Jigen''': Damn, how the hell did that happen? :''[Lupin struggles with the cuffs, which are being held on a long piece of twine by an unconscious Zenigata]'' :'''Jigen''': Look, handle yourself. I'd better go. :'''Lupin''': Hey! Get back here! ''[He goes over to Zenigata and fishes for a keyring. He finds to his disappointment that there are lots of keys]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': I don't dare set foot outside wearing this fleschuganah thing on my pinkie! I mean, what if it's some weird code that says I wanna get spanked by a skinhead or something? ==== Episode 27, Find the Cinderella Stamp==== :'''Jigen''': ''[while Lupin and Fujiko argue with Alice]'' OK, now, children, let's just... ---- :''[Alice pretends that Fujiko is her mother, so the police ask her to come with them]'' :'''Jigen''': Call me when you're done, uh, ''darling''. ---- :'''Lupin''': This is bad for our reputation. I mean, if anything, ''she'' kidnapped ''us''! :'''Jigen''': Well if you ask me, I'm not sure that's much better for our reputation. ---- :''[Jigen pistol-whips the officers holding Lupin]'' :'''Jigen''': Leave this to me. You go get the girl. :''[Lupin runs off down the street after the girl, and Zenigata runs after him]'' :'''Lupin''': ''ALIIICE!'' :'''Zenigata''': ''LUPIIIN!'' ==== Episode 29, Electroshock Pigeon Tactics ==== :''[Lupin's car is out of control]'' :'''Jigen''': Slow down, would ya? :'''Lupin''': I can't! :'''Jigen''': What do you mean, you can't? :'''Lupin''': Hey, the friggin' brakes are out! :''[He presses on the brakes to show Jigen]'' :'''Lupin''': See? :'''Jigen''': What? Well, don't just tap'em! :'''Lupin''': I'm not just tapping! Look! :'''Jigen''': Then how come it's not stopping? :'''Lupin''': Because... the brakes... ''ARE OUT!'' ---- :'''Jigen''': Call me superstitious, but next time you're thinking about that broad, don't actually say her name out loud, okay? :'''Fujiko''': ''[from down below]'' Lupin! :'''Lupin''': Huh? :'''Jigen''': No! :'''Lupin''': Hey! :'''Jigen''': Don't say it! :'''Lupin''': It's Fujiko! :'''Jigen''': Aw, crap. ---- :''[Zenigata sees Lupin and Jigen floating in mid air]'' :'''Zenigata''': GOOD GRAVY! :'''Baron''': Let me see! :''[He looks through the telescope]'' :'''Baron''': Ah, you see? Just as I told you. Hmm... :'''Zenigata''': It's the damnedest damn thing I ever saw in my damn life! ---- :'''Baron''': They're falling... They're thrown clear of the car which explodes... when then, they gently float down to earth, bobbing just over the water like pixies. ---- :'''Fujiko''': Will everything be... Well, you know, intent? :'''Doctor''': Ah, yes, I assume you refer to his hoo-hah. ---- :'''Lupin''': Her dot... and his dot... are like one big happy dot! ---- :'''Fujiko''': ''[tossing the bubble maker up and down in her hand]'' So tell me, did you invent this, or did you steal it? :'''Lupin''': Well, I guess that depends on which one would really impress you. :'''Fujiko''': I guess... I'd have to say if you invented it. :'''Lupin''': ''[leaning in for a kiss]'' Okay, then let's just say that I invented it, shall we? :'''Fujiko''': ''[holding up the pin-like tracking device Lupin planted in her hair]'' Okay. :''[She pops the bubble she and Lupin are in. Lupin begins to plummet towards the ocean and frantically claws at the air. Fujiko grows a new bubble for herself]'' :'''Fujiko''': Then you can just make yourself a new one. :'''Lupin''': But, Fujiko...! :'''Fujiko''': ''[mockingly]'' What? You didn't lie, did you? :'''Lupin''': ''Of course I diiiid!'' :''[Zenigata waits beneath Lupin as he plunges in his direction]'' :'''Zenigata''': ''Don't worry, Lupin! I'll catch you!'' :''[He grins eagerly]'' :'''Lupin''': MOMMYYYYY! :''[As Lupin nears the ocean's surface, Zenigata leaps out of the ocean at him]'' ==== Episode 30, The Winds of Morocco are Hot ==== :'''Lupin''': Listen, Commander, I really wish you all the best with this big bloodbath of yours, but, unfortunately, I'm not going to be sticking around. :'''Foreign Legion Commander''': Ah, I understand. Well, it's up to you. But I should warn you, the only way out of here is up those steps over there. :''[He points to a guillotine. Lupin grimly imagines himself being beheaded]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[in his imagination]'' Help me! Ahh! Help! Help me, please! I really don't wanna die! Help me, please! Please, stop! I'm too young to die! And too handsome, and charming, and... :''[Back in the real world, Lupin continues to stare at the blade]'' :'''Foreign Legion Commander''': But, hey, if you have to go, you have to go. I totally respect that. :'''Lupin''': ''[hopefully]'' And you're sure that's the only, only way? There's no, like, camel taxi or anything? ---- :'''Foreign Legion Commander''': Such petty rivalries are nothing but a bourgeois luxury, which the true revolutionary must abandon. Plus, I hate you. ---- :'''Lupin''': Damn. I haven't felt so trapped and helpless since the last time I went to Disneyland. But at least when I was at Disneyland, nobody ever forced me to share a teacup with Goofy. :'''Zenigata''': You'll be sharing a cell with rats when I get you back to Japan! :'''Lupin''': Yeah, well, be that as it may... It'll be the land of the ''setting'' sun for you if you stick around here and end up in the middle of some revolutionary uprising. :''[He imagines himself and Zenigata clinging to each other in the middle of a battlefield, then imagines himself crying over Zenigata's grave as the Inspector floats away as an angel]'' :'''Zenigata''': But... What about my poor mother?! ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[holding Lupin lightly by the back of his jacket]'' I got you right in the palm of my hand. And I'm not lettin' ya... :'''Lupin''': ''[pulling himself free]'' No wonder you never caught me. ---- :'''Foreign Legion Commander''': ''[attracted to a disguised Zenigata]'' What would I have to pay for her? :'''Lupin''': Trust me, you don't want her. :'''Foreign Legion Commander''': Why not? :'''Lupin''': Uh, well... I mean, it's just... ''[Zenigata makes a show of cuddling up to Lupin]'' You know... I love her so much. ''[He fake sobs]'' :'''Foreign Legion Commander''': Alright, get going. :'''Lupin''': Thank you. What a nice man. ==== Episode 31, Shoot Into the Midnight Sun ==== :''[An exhausted Zenigata knocks on the door of a Swedish police car]'' :'''Zenigata''': Zenigata, with Interpol. Would you give me a lift? :'''First Swedish Officer''': Ja, sure. :'''Zenigata''': I'm beat. ''[He gets in]'' It's ten o'clock. Why is it still light out? :'''First Swedish Officer''': We have a thing here called the midnight sun, and it... :'''Zenigata''': THAT WAS RHETORICAL! THE POINT IS, I HAVEN'T SLEPT IN A WEEK! :'''First Swedish Officer''': Ah, well. Here, try this eye mask. :'''Zenigata''': Oh, yeah? Huh. ''[He ties it around his face, then yawns]'' :'''Second Swedish Officer''': ''[not realizing Zenigata is already asleep]'' I'm guessing you got some tip about Mr. Lupin. :'''Zenigata''': ''[startled]'' ARGH! WHERE? DAMN! LUPIN! ''[He holds up his hands]'' Whoa! I can't see! ''What's goin' on?!'' Hey! Is it... the apocalypse? :'''First Swedish Officer''': It's just the eye mask. You're fine. :''[Zenigata pulls up the eye mask]'' :'''Zenigata''': ''[sheepishly]'' Uh... I knew that. ''[He looks out the back window]'' Damn midnight sun's a menace! :''[He clears his throat and pulls the eye mask back down]'' :'''First Swedish Officer''': So, what's Lupin doing here? :'''Zenigata''': Well, it isn't really that clear yet. Could be, he's trying to make his way to the North Pole. Yep, it's the closest place to the old midnight sun this time of the year. He'll blast off in a rocket ship and steal it, I tell ya. I just figured it out. He's gonna steal the sun, mama, so he can get away with everything. ''[The officers exchange confused glances]'' But I'm not gonna care at all, 'cause it's gonna be... so dark. :''[He yawns loudly. The officers shrug. Lupin and Jigen approach the car]'' :'''Jigen''': Is that Pops in the back seat, blindfolded? :'''Lupin''': Sure looks like it. Poor guy just can't seem to catch a break. :''[He gets out a cigarette and goes up to the officers]'' :'''Lupin''': Hi. How's it going, guys? Mind if I borrow your lighter for a second? :'''Second Swedish Officer''': There's no smoking in our town. :'''Lupin''': ''[reaching in through the back window]'' Ah. It slipped my mind. :''[He and Jigen walk away laughing. Zenigata wakes up suddenly]'' :'''Zenigata''': Hey! Wait a minute! Lupin did it! Seen that everything's all dark! :'''Second Swedish Officer''': Inspector, take off your mask. :''[Zenigata does so]'' :'''Zenigata''': I didn't... talk in my sleep or anything, did I? :'''Swedish Officers''': ''[as Zenigata rubs his eyes]'' Not a word. ---- :'''Goemon''': So then, what's the plan? :'''Lupin''': What the hell do you think? Plunder. :'''Goemon''': Because? :'''Jigen''': Huh? :'''Lupin''': Just think of the consequences if we didn't do it. One of those girls is going to die, and do you want that on your conscience? I know I don't and... Uh, well... :'''Goemon''': Go on. :'''Jigen''': And because... it's what we do. :'''Lupin''': Uh, yeah. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[still digging]'' 'Cause that was different... The curse was on that mask, so I totally understood... But this is just crazy. I mean, don't come crying to me when I'm sitting on the biggest... ==== Episode 32, Lupin Dies Twice ==== :'''Fujiko''': Come on, Lupin, please just let him catch you this one time. :'''Lupin''': So, I guess this means we're going to be giving up together. :'''Fujiko''': It does? :'''Lupin''': Sure! That's the power of love. :'''Fujiko''': I, love you? :'''Lupin''': You see? :'''Fujiko''': I'm not fooling around. :'''Lupin''': 'Cause this is all you need. :'''Fujiko''': You're gonna need a doctor. :'''Zenigata''': ''[feeling like he's having to come between a pair of squabbling children]'' Just shut up, you two! Both of ya! ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[on the phone]'' And the inscription on the headstone should read: "Here lies poor Lupin, Fujiko-less. At least if she visits, he can look up her dress." ---- :''[Zenigata and Fujiko rush to the morgue]'' :'''Zenigata''': Chief! Fill me in! What have you got here? :'''Chief''': Well, sir, we got a DOA ''[meaning "Dead on arrival"]''. And we got his partners here waiting to be interrogated. :'''Zenigata''': Hold on! Are you saying Lupin's deceased?! ''Do you think I was born yesterday or something?! Huh?!'' ''THE ONLY DUMMMY AROUND HERE IS THE DOA!'' :''[Zenigata, Fujiko and the chief enter the morgue]'' :'''Zenigata''': ''[scoffing]'' The old coffin gambit, Lupin? Come on, you big con artist. ''[He waves his handcuffs]'' Alright, open 'er up. :''[The mortician opens the coffin. Lupin lies inside, motionless and pale]'' :'''Zenigata''': That's our guy! :'''Fujiko''': ''No!'' :'''Zenigata''': Hey, Lupin! Get up! Come on! Hey, Lupin! Cut it out, willya? Come on! ''[He shakes the thief's head]'' I'm not kiddin', Lupin! This isn't funny! ''[He starts crying]'' Damn it, Lupin! It can't be true! :'''Chief''': Inspector, please, maybe you should control yourself. :'''Zenigata''': ''[sobbing]'' You can't really be dead! I never told you this before, but I love you! What am I gonna do without you? You're my whole reason to live! How could you do this to me? I hate you! No, I don't! I don't! I'm sorry! ''[He rubs his tear-streaked face against Lupin's]'' Please don't leave me, Lupin! :'''Chief''': ''[placing a comforting hand on Zenigata's shoulder]'' It's alright, Inspector. :''[Zenigata furiously handcuffs the officer, then, sobbing hysterically, tears out of the building, firing his pistol into the air]'' :'''Zenigata''': '''Puma! I'll get you, you son of a bitch!''' ---- :''[Zenigata is arrested]'' :'''Zenigata''': Hey! Wait, I ... ''[The officers throw him into cell with Jigen and Goemon]'' Ow. :'''Jigen''': Yo, Pops! :'''Zenigata''': Yo yourself, you damn bastard! I oughta... :''[He tackles Jigen]'' :'''Jigen''': What the... hey! :'''Zenigata''': What the hell kind of a partner are you anyway? How could you just let him go and die like that?! ---- :''[Lupin lies in his casket. Six feet above him, we hear the voices of the mortician and Fujiko]'' :'''Mortician''': It should be wearing off by now. :'''Fujiko''': And you're sure there's no chance he could have suffocated? :''[Inside the casket, a light turns on. We hear Lupin's heartbeat steadily growing louder]'' :'''Mortician''': A body in this kind of suspended animation requires very little oxygen. :''[Lupin exhales, then opens his eyes]'' :'''Fujiko''': You'd better be right about that. ---- :''[Lupin's casket is unearthed, just as the drugs he needed to fake his own death have worn off]'' :'''Lupin''': Mommy. ''[He yawns]'' What a nap. :''[Fujiko lifts off his casket lid and greets him with a knowing smile]'' :'''Fujiko''': Are you all right? :'''Lupin''' : ''[sitting up with a rose in his hand and an amorous expression on his face]'' You tell me. ''[He leans in to kiss Fujiko, surreptitiously placing the flower into her shirt, and she slaps hm]'' Hey, what the hell kind of greeting is that? I mean, especially after that touching tribute that I gave you on my headstone. :'''Fujiko''': ''[sarcastically]'' Yeah. Real romantic. :''[Lupin takes a look at the headstone]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[forgetting part of his phone conversation with the mortician]'' Hey! That's just crass! ---- :'''Lupin''': I wanted to see that face. Just once before I say... Hasta la bye bye! ==== Episode 34, Lupin Becomes a Vampire ==== :'''Lupin''': ''[stealing a gold statue]'' I'd like to thank the Academy and all the little people who made this possible, especially a certain Inspector... ''[He stops short when he sees a large black wolf in front of him]'' Uh... You don't really want me. I just wet myself. ---- :''[Jigen and Fujiko are hanging up garlic all over their hideout]'' :'''Goemon''': Oh, come on, guys! This is the pits, literally. I mean it's starting to smell like Pavarotti's armpits in here. :'''Jigen''': Yeah, well, I'm sorry about that, pal, but when it comes to vampires, I don't take any chances. :''[He gives Goemon a chained cross]'' :'''Jigen''': I mean, I know your family's been Shinto for like ten generations... :'''Goemon''': Longer. :'''Jigen''': But that doesn't mean crap to a vampire. :'''Goemon''': You know, there's something very offensive about that. ---- :'''Fujiko''': ''[as a storm rages on mount Onihime]'' No way to get up that mountain tonight. Only an idiot would dare to attempt it. :''[Cut to Zenigata clutching onto a steep mountainside in the pouring rain]'' :'''Zenigata''': ''What the hell am I doing up here?!'' I'M SCARED OF THUNDER! I'M SCARED OF HEIGHTS! ---- :'''Jigen''': Wait a minute, Lupin, you were bitten by that bitch, weren't you? :'''Lupin''': Something... ''[He takes off his fake neck]'' ... just happened to come between us. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Feel kind of cheesy about this. Last time I prayed, it was for a two-wheeler. ==== Episode 36, Expose the Secret of Tsukikage Castle ==== :'''Jigen''': But a loon like that, I mean, this treasure could turn out to be a bunch of sumo wrestler bobblehead dolls or a big ball of tinfoil, y'know? :'''Goemon''': It's possible. But it's said that among his possessions was a sword, called Tsukikagemaru. :'''Lupin''': I have no idea what that means, Jigen... :'''Goemon''': I just explained that to you, it's a sword! :'''Lupin''': ... But it sounds important to him, so whaddya say? ---- :''[Lupin sits at the table trying to decipher a code while the blinded Jigen rests in the mattress and Goemon sits at the table with Lupin, trying not to fall asleep]'' :'''Lupin''': Let's see, I've tried adding, subtracting, multiplying, dividing... I don't know, what else can you do with a number? ''[He yawns and falls on his back]'' Truth be told, math was never my best subject. I was always more of a... ''[He yawns again]'' ... More of a recess kind of guy. ---- :'''Fujiko''': Hard at work, I see. So, how's it going? :'''Lupin''': Not well at all. :'''Goemon''': Because you are not trying. :'''Lupin''': Hey, you're sitting there like a Buddha! I'm working my ass off! ---- :'''Zenigata''': A flying crow will always... Uh, never mind. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Who the hell's the new woman in your gang?! I thought you only had eyes for Fujiko! :'''Lupin''': I swear, I don't know what you mean! :'''Zenigata''': You can't fool me, Lupin! I just saw Fujiko in Tokyo, vamping some rich stud. :'''Lupin''': What? What? But, but, uh...! ---- :'''Jigen''': Hey, don't blow a gasket there, Pops! :'''Zenigata''': I'll blow whatever the hell I want to! ''[He gets hit in the head by a falling gold coin. He catches it in his hands as he lies on the ground]'' Hey, wow! :''[More gold coins fall on top of him]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[pouting]'' Aww... it's just not fair. ==== Episode 37, Find the Treasure of Genghis Khan ==== :'''Lupin''': It's really not over 'til the fat lady sings. ''[He jumps off the roof]'' And I don't mean you either! ---- :'''Priest'''': Hey! Get off my bike! :'''Zenigata''': Shut up! :'''Priest''': Don't tell me to shut up! :'''Zenigata''': I'll tell you whatever I want to! :'''Priest''': Oh, yeah?! :'''Zenigata''': Yeah! :'''Priest''': You shut up! :'''Zenigata''': Shut up! :'''Priest''': You shut up! :'''Zenigata''': You...! ==== Episode 40, Operation Missilejack ==== :'''Security System''': Please state today's code phrase. :'''Chief''': ''[in a completely serious tone]'' I want my daddy and mommy, I'm scared and I want to go home. :''[Lupin, who is disguised as the Chief's pet tiger, looks up at the Chief in confusion and astonishment]'' :'''Security System''': Voice print code and phrase confirmed. ---- :'''Fujiko''': ''[running a finger around Zenigata's face]'' I've been having the naughtiest dreams about you, you know that? And you know what I'm doing to you in those dreams? ''[She rips the plaster off of Zenigata's nose]'' ''This!'' :''[Zenigata screams through gritted teeth. Around a corner, Lupin tries to stifle giggles]'' ==== Episode 41, Find Princess Kaguya's Treasure ==== :'''Fujiko''': You ever heard of anything so ridiculous in your life? ''[She sees Lupin staring deliriously ahead and gibbering with Kaguya's bottle resting on his tongue and hearts in his eyes]'' Ugh. Ask a stupid question. ---- :'''Kaguya''': Nice little streak, but all good things come to an end. :'''Jigen''': Well, if the end I'd be coming to is yours, then hey, count me in. ---- :'''Fujiko''': Now it's a dragon's liver. What is she, some kind of refugee from a friggin' fairy tale? Well, she'll regret not inviting me to the ball. ---- :'''Jigen''': Here, mer-y-mer-y-mer-y maid. I don't even know what any of these damn things is supposed to look like. ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[seeing the mermaid]'' Is that a shark? If it is, it's got a great rack. ---- :'''Fujiko''': Now, for the last time, do you want to know where Lupin is or not? :'''Zenigata''': Of course. I flew all the way over here, didn't I? Start talking. :'''Fujiko''': The Himalayas. :'''Zenigata''':... The ''what?'' :''[Out in the Himalayas, Lupin walks up the mountain with his guide, merrily singing]'' :'''Lupin''': ''Edelweiss, edelweiss, you look happy to greet me. Edel- uh, uh...'' ''[He sneezes]'' ---- :'''Goemon''': ''[exiting a dragon's mouth, carrying its liver]'' Wait a minute. Did I leave my wallet in there?... Crap. ---- :''[Lupin charges out of the tent, swinging a baseball bat. He swings at the yeti, but it dodges, and Lupin falls on his face in the snow. He swings again and again at the yeti, but it backs away and keeps dodging. He falls into a snowdrift and swings the bat around blindly]'' :'''Lupin''': Where'd you go, you son of a bitch?! You can't hide from me! :''[He hits the yeti's leg. It cries in pain. Lupin looks up out of the snowdrift and beams triumphantly]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[mockingly]'' Not so scary now, are you, you big ape? Aww, you want your mommy? Big wussy. Look at you. You should be ashamed of yourself. :''[A tear forms in the yeti's eye]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[realizing he's not using the right tone]'' Uh, no, wait, I mean... That's wrong. ''[He holds out the bottle to the yeti's eye]'' Just let it out, baby. No need to be stoic. That's right. You have yourself a good cry. Come on. It's all right. ''[Several frozen tears fall into the bottle. He looks at the frozen tears]'' Wow, that's not really a whole lot. Might have to hit you again. ''[The yeti bawls. An avalanche starts, and Lupin runs down the mountain]'' Damn it! Why couldn't I just leave well enough alone?! ---- :'''Jigen''': Hey, so what happened with the whole retreaty fasting thing? :'''Goemon''': Uh, well, I got hungry, and... Hey, I'm stuck out here. Could you give me a lift? :'''Jigen''': Hop in. I'm in sort of a hurry. ---- :'''Kaguya''': ''[seeing the frozen Lupin]'' What happened? Is he...? :'''Sherpa''': He'll be fine. But he said to give this to you. ''[He hands Kaguya the bottle with the frozen tears in it]'' :'''Kaguya''': And you're sure that these are the tears of the Yeti? :'''Sherpa''': I saw it. And the curse of the Yeti came down on him swiftly. :'''Kaguya''': That's so... sweet. :''[She kisses Lupin on the cheek. The young man blushes so furiously that steam rises from his head and shoulders]'' ---- :'''Goemon''': ''[seeing the frozen Lupin]'' ''That'' can't be comfortable. ---- :'''Jigen''': Hey, I know you guys think ''I'm'' a misogynist, but it's not exactly a red-letter day for ''your'' side of the argument. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[after being thawed out on a spit]'' Just great! You think you know a guy, then you turn around and he tries to eat you! ---- :'''Lupin''': Wow, a real sleeping prince... just like Tchaikovsky's! ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[about Kaguya]'' Goemon, look, I know she lied to us and everything, but come on. Cut her a break. Have a heart. :'''Goemon''': I'm not angry with her, it's that damn Fujiko I want to kill! ---- :'''Lupin''': ''Hey!! Fujiko!!'' :'''Fujiko''': Lupin, I can't share it with you! I don't know if there's enough for two! :'''Lupin''': '''I don't want any!''' ''Do you know what it is?! Do you?!?'' :'''Fujiko''': Yeah, an eternal youth potion of some kind. Why else would she want it? :'''Lupin''': You idiot! Kaguya had that created for her very sick husband! He's in a coma! :''[Fujiko gasps, horrified, at the terrible thing she's done]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': Yeah, it sucks being deceived like that, but at least it was all for a good cause. :'''Goemon''': Yes, well, perhaps that is true, but still, the act of betrayal by Fujiko was unforgivable and merits the very harshest punishment. :'''Jigen''': Here, here! :'''Fujiko''': Lupin, I think he really means it! :'''Lupin''': She's sorry! Really! She's learned her lesson this time, haven't you, Fujicakes? :''[Fujiko starts hiccuping, then flaps her arms uncontrollably. The potion has given her an unbelievably high amount of energy, like a caffeine buzz]'' :'''Lupin''': Uh... :'''Jigen''': It's not real harsh, maybe, but it sure as hell's funny. ---- :''[Lupin is in his hotel room, sleeping peacefully. Fujiko pounds on his door]'' :'''Fujiko''': ''[from outside]'' Lupin! Come on! I still can't sleep! Hey, come on! Wake up! Hey, Lupin! I'm bored! :''[Lupin sits up in bed]'' :'''Lupin''': Aw man, when the hell's this potion ever gonna wear off? :'''Fujiko''': I know you're in there! Let me in! Let's go dancing! :'''Lupin''' ''[burying his head back under the covers]'' I'm too tired to appreciate the irony. :'''Fujiko''': Come on, Lupin! ==== Episode 42, Lupin becomes a Bride ==== :'''Fujiko''': I never thought of you as the golddigger type, but it suits you somehow. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Looks like it's just you and me. ''[Lupin jumps over the railing, does a somersault in the air and grabs the hook to swing to the other side of the hull]'' LUPIIIIN! Damn it all, get back here! You're under arrest! ---- :'''Onabes''': Alright, I warned you, Mr. Zenigata. Now I'm afraid I'm going to have to insist that you leave the ship. :'''Zenigata''': ''[as he is dragged away by security]'' No! Mr. Onabes! Please! Hey! I can explain! This is all her fault! I mean, his fault! You see, she's... ---- :'''Onabes''': Amore! :'''Lupin''': What does that mean? :'''Onabes''': It means: "I want you, I must have you! Let me take you and start a family!" :''[He tackles the flabbergasted Lupin]'' :'''Onabes''': I absolutely refuse to let you up, Miss Mary, unless you promise to marry me! :'''Lupin''': WHAT? That's impossible! :''[Onabes forcefully kisses Lupin]'' :'''Lupin''': Damn it! :''[He slaps Onabes, then flips him over in a judo grip]'' :'''Lupin''': Just snap out of it! :'''Onabes''': Oh yes, flip me like a hamburger, baby! :''[Lupin covers his mouth and flees]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': I'm not even a friggin' woman! :'''Onabes''': Oh well, nobody's perfect. :''[Realizing he can't win, Lupin jumps down from the mast and lands on the deck. His makeup is now a mess]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[frazzled]'' All right! You win! I give up! But premarital sex is out of the question! ---- :'''Jigen''': He's a guy, Lupin, and you're a guy! And if you were that kind of guy, well, you could have friggin' told somebody! ==== Episode 43, Where Are the Peking Man's Bones ==== ==== Episode 44, The Vanishing Special Armored Car ==== :'''Lupin''': ''[as Zenigata]'' I do admit to sort of a perverse admiration. :'''Zenigata''': Admiration, my ass! Why don't you just admit it?! You ''ARE'' in love with the guy! And you always have been, haven't you? You big egomaniac! ---- :'''Jigen''': Friggin' birds can't get close to that thing, and I don't think I can pull off the backless look, either. I mean, not that it doesn't look absolutely stunning on you or anything, but it does take a certain androgynous quality, you know? :'''Lupin''': I swear, I'll beat you with your own hat. ''[Jigen laughs]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': Man, sure could have used Goemon's Zantetsu sword this time, huh? :''[Jigen sees a figure sitting on a crate]'' :'''Jigen''': Hmm? :'''Lupin''': I said, Goemon's sword would have come in handy! :''[Jigen recognizes the figure as Zenigata]'' :'''Jigen''': Huh? :'''Lupin''': I know, it's a bummer, but it's no use crying over spilled milk. We just gotta... :'''Jigen''': Lupin! You'd better get up here! ---- :'''Zenigata''': What's the matter, Lupin? Don't tell me I've stumped ya! I don't think I can take the shock! ''[He laughs, then starts suffocating]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': Yeah, that man's the last of a dying breed, Jigen. :'''Jigen''': You can say that again. :'''Lupin''': Kind of like u... ah... ah, ah, ah... ''[He sneezes]'' :'''Jigen''': Serves you right. I mean, uh, didn't your mama ever tell you not to go out without your pants on? :''[Lupin sees he's only wearing his boxers]'' :'''Lupin''': Oh, man. :''[They laugh]'' ==== Episode 48, Lupin Laughs while the Alarm Bell Rings ==== :''[Zenigata is woken by the telephone and answers it]'' :'''Zenigata''': Zenigata. :'''Lupin''': Hey, man. How's it hanging? :'''Zenigata''': I was just... :'''Lupin''': I refer to that big wad of drool hanging from your chin, you slacker. Then again, in your dreams is the only place you'll ever catch me. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[sneezing]'' You know, I think the whole thing went pretty well. :'''Jigen''': ''[sneezing]'' And that was really the best plan you could think of? :'''Lupin''': Gotta keep your eye on the prize. After all, the whole idea was to divert his attention. Remember that. And that's what counts. :'''Goemon''': Because now, Zenigata's gonna be practically living on that boat until they recover our bodies. :'''Lupin''': Exactly. ''[He sneezes again]'' ---- :''[One of the money bags gets stuck in a pulley]'' :'''Jigen''': Son of a bitch. Wouldn't you know it? Last one? :'''Lupin''': Stay cool, man. We'll get it. Easy does it now. :''[As they try to get the back through, one of the suction cups on the ceiling comes loose]'' :'''Jigen''': Damn piece of crap. :''[The suction cup unsticks, but Lupin and Jigen pull on the rope before the bag hits the floor. They sigh with relief]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[fearing the worst about Lupin]'' Good heavens, what have I done? ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[previewing the next episode]'' Next time I fall in love with Jackie O. Or maybe not. I don't know. My head hurts. It kind of looks like her and sure looks like love. Walking in the rain, putting on a little show for perverts with binoculars. Oh, he's not? He's trying to kill me? Actually, you know, that kind of adds a touch of kink. Anyway, catch you later in ''Snake Charmer''. ==== Episode 50, Lupin Whom I Loved, Part 1 ==== :'''Cornelia''': The constellations of the winter sky are dominated by the brilliant and dynamic figure of Orion. Legend has it, he was a powerfully built young huntsman of exceptional skill, whose love for the daughter of the treacherous king nearly spelled his doom. :''[As the audience the planetarium in rapt attention, Lupin sits in his seat, bored out of his mind and nearly falling asleep. He yawns]'' :'''Lupin''': If only Fujiko were here. This would be a very romantic date, but... Oh, well. It oughta begin in a minute. ---- :'''Jigen''': So, did you have the beef or the fish? That's what you get for being the inside man. ---- :''[Fujiko sees a flame beside her as she's driving and tries to light her cigarette with it]'' :'''Fujiko''': Thanks. :''[She turns around and sees that it was a zombie who lit the flame]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': Our hearts were beating like crazy. :'''Jigen''': This before or after you left the cell? :'''Lupin''': Just let me finish, willya? ---- :'''Lupin''': I don't know which is worse, that she's alive and doesn't remember me, or that she's here. ---- :''[Japanese original; Jigen gives up fighting the zombies and makes a run for it]'' :'''Goemon''': Jigen, where are you going? :'''Jigen''': Don't make me say what would hurt my pride! :'''Goemon''': Are we running away? :'''Jigen''': What choice have we got? ---- :''[English dub]'' :'''Goemon''': Jigen, wait! Where are you going? :'''Jigen''': I have absolutely no friggin' idea! :'''Goemon''': You mind if I come along? ==== Episode 53, The Mad Fantoma Mark III ==== :''[Lupin and Jigen stand face to face in their living rooms, hands at the ready]'' :'''Lupin''': So, this is it, huh? It's come to this. :'''Jigen''': Yep. 'Fraid so, Lupin. :'''Lupin''': Think you can take me on? :'''Jigen''': You said it yourself a million times, Lupin. I'm the quickest draw on the planet. :'''Lupin''': Next to me, that is. :'''Jigen''': Oh, man, this will be sweet. :''[Goemon gives the signal, and the two draw their remote controls. The TV switches back and forth between footage of a soap opera and what looks like Django]'' :'''Goemon''': I think we really need to get a second TV. :'''Lupin''': Hey, I've never missed a single episode of ''Housewives Theater'' in fifteen years and I'm not starting now. :'''Jigen''': That's too damn bad, pal. There's a first time for everything. Anyway, it's Spaghetti Western Sunday on Channel 5. :''[Lupin and Jigen continue switching between channels]'' :'''Jigen''': Dang! :'''Lupin''': No, no, there it is! :'''Jigen''': We're watching this! :'''Lupin''': Hey! No! :'''Jigen''': Would you come on? :'''Lupin''': There! :'''Jigen''': What are you...? :''[The TV goes to static]'' :'''Lupin''': No! :'''Jigen''': What the...? Oh, that's just great. :'''Lupin''': Stop it! Wonderful. Now look what you've done. :'''Jigen''': Yeah? You started it. ==== Episode 54, Detective Hanshichi's Ten-Year-Old Promise==== :'''Chief''': ''[as Zenigata bites sheepishly into his hat]'' Well, Zenigata. Look what happened. We did as you said, left with Hanshichi, and you, and the whole damn thing blew up in our faces. Now, what would you do if you were in my position, Inspector? ---- :'''Lupin''': Damn, he snookered us, the old fart! ==== Episode 57, Will It Be the Computer or Lupin? ==== :'''Zenigata''': Good gravy, this place sure goes on and on. ==== Episode 58, The Border is the Face of Farewell ==== :'''Zenigata''': ''[with a tear in his eye]'' These Russkies aren't very friendly, are they? ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[previewing the next episode]'' This next one's just too weird for words. It's sort of 'Twilight Zone' meets 'House of Wax' meets an exhausted writing staff under deadline pressure. ==== Episode 59, The Mysterious World of Madame X ==== :'''Zenigata''': ''[covered in glue]'' Mother said there would be days like this. Just not this many. Good thing I'm so undauntable, 'cause this kind of thing could really drive you crazy! ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[rubbing his eye]'' Man, I'm beat. ---- :'''Jigen''': Something's not right. :'''Goemon''': It just isn't like him. :'''Jigen''': I know. It's been two days now without even a word, and usually the problem is you can't shut him up. ---- :'''Lupin''': That crazy lady's gonna turn us all into wax figures. Even Fujiko. They got her upstairs, locked up. :''[His eyes fill with tears]'' :'''Jigen''': Hey, don't! Come on! Get a hold of yourself. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Bet you haven't even tried the most obvious thing. :''[He reaches for the doorknob]'' :'''Lupin''': No! Hold it, Pops! Wait! :''[Zenigata turns the doorknob and starts to sink into the floor]'' :'''Zenigata''': Help me! Please! :'''Jigen''': What the hell's going on here, Lupin? :'''Lupin''': Unfortunately, this kind of thing happens all the time around here. She's like some kind of evil witch. :'''Jigen''': ''[lifting Zenigata out]'' That's just great. Either of you guys wanna lend a hand? ---- :'''Lupin''': Uh, Goemon? :'''Goemon''': You need to remain calm. :'''Zenigata''': All right, you guys calm down. ''I'll'' freak out! :''[He runs away]'' ====Episode 61, The Flying Zantetsuken==== :'''Lupin''': ''[tipsy on bourbon]'' Come on, you knew we were drunks when you married us! :'''Jigen''': ''[also happily wasted on the bourbon]'' You know the truly great part? I don't care if I ever get better! :'''Fujiko''': ''[smiling craftily]'' Don't you tempt fate. It can be cruel. ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[answering the phone]'' Good morning. Zenigata speaking. ''WHAT?! IN A HOTEL IN BROAD DAYLIGHT?! WHO THE HELL IS THIS?!'' :'''Lupin''': ''[disguising his voice with an accent]'' The point is, he's here now. Aloha. ---- :''[Goemon tries to hang and shoot himself at the same time]'' :'''Lupin''': No, Goemon, stop! :'''Jigen''': Take it easy, man. :'''Goemon''': She may have put the sleeping pills in the drink, but it was I who kept asking for more. And now the sword, my very soul as a samurai, is gone! :'''Lupin''': I egged... you on! :'''Goemon''': It doesn't matter! The responsibility is solely my own! Don't force me to live in shame, Lupin! That's worse than death to me! ''[He sobs]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[while visiting Goemon in jail]'' Goemon, I don't know what's bugging you, but you haven't eaten for a week and that's not good for ya. I went to a lot of trouble to get that Japanese food brought in here. Please! Tell me you're not trying to starve yourself. That would be really bad for your health and my conscience. ---- :'''Lupin''': Hey, uh, Goemon? You know, technically, boneheaded stunts don't count as harakiri. ====Episode 62, The Sound of the Devil's Bells Call Lupin==== :''[Zenigata sees Lupin exit carrying a bunch of weapons]'' :'''Zenigata''': Uh, listen. Uh, you'd better come along with me right now. :'''Lupin''': Pops, I can't play right now. Sorry. Gotta go. Take care. :'''Zenigata''': Wait! Lupin! Hey! :''[Lupin springs into his Mercedes]'' :'''Zenigata''': Not so fast, wise guy! ''[He launches himself at the car and throws his handcuffs forward. As Lupin drives off, Zenigata finds that he's handcuffed several sticks of lit dynamite. He realizes what it is and runs off]'' Help! Somebody help! :''[The dynamite explodes as Lupin drives off down the road]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': So that's it, Gemarschaft. Looks just like any other peaceful, boring village. ''[He drives further into the seemingly empty village, gets out and looks around]'' Hmm, did I say peaceful? More like comatose. ---- :'''Lupin''': I gotta admit, I did have an unusually peaceful sleep last night. ''[He pulls out a pair of earplugs]'' Modern technology's really a wonderful thing. ---- :''[Sister Lavinia seemingly shoots Lupin's head off, and to her surprise he starts running off without it]'' :'''Lupin''': Sorry, sister. Didn't mean to lose my head. Toodles! ---- :''[Lupin blasts the bubble with a couple of missiles from his Mercedes]'' :'''Lupin''': And that is that. ''[To his astonishment, the bubble reforms]'' Aw, man. That may not be that. ---- :'''Lupin''': Okay, pal. Catch me if you can. ''[The bubble emerges underwater]'' Damn! I didn't mean it! ---- :'''Lavinia''': So, Lupin, do you see now that it's futile to try to escape from here? :''[Lupin stands up in a daze and knocks on his head several times]'' :'''Lavinia''': Last chance, now. Would you care to accept our invitation and join our brotherhood? :''[Lupin scowls defiantly]'' :'''Lupin''': You heard me, sister. No-one's gonna tell me how to live my life. ---- :'''Jigen''': Why do I feel like I just had a real bad dream? :'''Lupin''': Hey, Jigen, I was living in your bad dream. ====Episode 65, Lupin's Enemy is Lupin==== :'''Lupin''': Anyway, we'll find out as soon as we break in there. :'''Jigen''': [sarcastically] Oh, yeah. Great plan. We break into the place. Don't know why I didn't think of that. :'''Lupin''': This from a man who just came from dining on curry fit only for the immortals. We're blessed. It'll be a piece of cake. :''[Jigen laughs]'' ---- :'''Jigen''': What the...? Where did my hand go? :'''Lupin''': [panicked] Your hand?! :''[Jigen's hand emerges from its sleeve]'' :'''Jigen''': [relieved] Had me worried there. :'''Lupin''': ''[angrily punching Jigen in the stomach]'' Jigen, don't you ever do that to me again! :'''Jigen''': Sorry, man. ---- :'''Mr. X''': Damn it! How did you know I wasn't the real Lupin? :'''Jigen''': 'Cause the real Lupin would never say something all sappy and noble like "Kill me if you're my friend." He'd be squealing for his life like a little girl. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[imitating Mr. X]'' And our long story comes to a happy ending! ''[He cackles]'' :'''Jigen''': ''[drawing his gun, thinking Mr. X tricked him into killing Lupin]'' Bastard! :'''Lupin''': Kidding! Kidding! Just messin' with ya! ====Episode 66, Shooting Orders!==== :'''Jigen''': Speaking of accuracy, I noticed something about that gun that Beauty was waving around yesterday. It's got a venturi built on it, and that's used for cooling the barrel so that the heat won't affect your aim. It's state of the art. Your Walther P-38 was originally manufactured all the way back in the 1930s. All I'm saying is, Beauty's got a .44 Colt A. Python that was made only a few years ago, and that's the difference. You do the math, Lupin. ---- :'''Lupin''': The sun, it's setting. ''[He coughs]'' Seems kind of early for it. But I guess it's... ''[He coughs again]'' ... Just my time. ''[He faints]'' :'''Fujiko''': ''[thinking he died]'' No, it isn't, Lupin! It's not your time yet! ---- :'''Lupin''': Listen to you guys! Bitch, bitch, bitch! Look at me! What the hell's going on? I'm fine, so what's with the funeral? Well?! ---- :'''Jigen''': Was it, uh, supposed to work like that? :'''Lupin''': I'm not a chemist or anything, you know, but I think I might've added a little too much explosive. Probably shouldn't do that kind of thing when you're in a bad mood. ====Episode 69, The Woman the Old Man Fell in Love With==== :'''Zenigata''': Some billionaire bites the big one, so what? Would he care if ''I'' died? ---- :'''Lupin''': Hey, guys. Shouldn't we be out stealing something, or running for our lives, or, uh... I dunno, something? I feel like I'm in a rest home here. ---- :'''Lupin''': Whoa! Get a load of this! It's Pops, and he's being chased by somebody. And there's a girl with him, and she's hot! What the hell is wrong with this picture? :'''Jigen''': Well, if you're right, it's the end of the friggin' world! ---- :'''Zenigata''': I'm prepared to beg if I have to! You gotta help Laura! She's caught in a jam! My pride doesn't matter to me, only Laura's safety! ---- :''[Japanese original]'' :'''Lupin''': By the way, Pops, how come you're going out of your way like this for her? :'''Zenigata''': Well, it's because... :'''Lupin''': You're in love with her, aren't you? :'''Zenigata''': ''[blushing furiously]'' D-d-don't be ridiculous! I'm a public servant! :''[He gives Lupin a playful shove. Lupin points to Laura]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[grinning mischievously at Zenigata]'' There she is! :'''Zenigata''': ''[bashfully covering his face with his hat]'' Oh, come on, Lupin! ---- :'''Fujiko''': Lying on that alleviates your stomach thing? :'''Cabane''': I didn't get to where I am today by taking a lot of stuff for granted. Get what I mean? I ain't movin' until I unlock this! :'''Fujiko''': What a big pain in the butt. :'''Cabane''': Hey! Speak up, I can't hear you! :'''Fujiko''': Oh! Uh, never mind. Just some girl stuff, is all. :''[The camera pans down to reveal that "Fujiko" has hairier legs than usual]'' ---- :'''Jigen''': Pops. I... We tried. I'm sorry. Anyway, Lupin's alive. Look, if you wanna get those bastards, hop in. ''[Zenigata gets in, and glances for a moment at Fujiko, who is bound and gagged in the back seat]'' If you're a little surprised to see Fujiko here, we'll fill you in. ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[over the tape]'' Never, Laura. :'''Laura''': ''[over the tape]'' Oh, I love to hear you say my name. Say it again. :''[From out of the corner of his eye, Lupin notices Cabane's men howling and whooping at him]'' :'''Cabane''': Shaddap! :''[The men immediately stop and try to look professional]'' ---- :'''Goemon''': I, Goemon Ishikawa, say to you: Ha ha! ====Episode 71, Lupin vs. the Shinsengumi==== :''[Lupin drives past a police car, laughing. The police officer notices him and turns to Zenigata, who is resting in the front passenger seat]'' :'''Police Officer''': The guy in the convertible that just went by seemed kinda strange. :'''Zenigata''': Let him go. I'm not in this one. :''[He gives his colleague a little smile, then yawns]'' :'''Police Officer''': 'Kay. ====Episode 72, The Skateboard Murder Mystery==== :'''Jigen''': You didn't... I mean, you wouldn't...? :'''Lupin''': Aw man, you too? Look, I friggin' saved the guy! :'''Jigen''': Yeah, good luck convincing Boronco's men of that. :'''Lupin''': ''[grumbling]'' D'ah, friggin... d'ahh! ''[He sees the blockade]'' Hey, they've already blocked the street off! Hang on, Jigen! :''[Lupin swerves through the blockade, but one of Boronco's men fires a couple of canisters of knockout gas into the car]'' :'''Lupin''': I always thought I missed my true calling as a stunt driver in action movies, you know? ''[He sees Jigen coughing]'' Huh? :'''Guard''': Well that oughta knock 'em out. :''[Boronco arrives in on his skateboard]'' :'''Bolonco''': How'd everything go, Officer? :'''Guard''': Just like a dream. :''[Boronco goes over to Lupin and Jigen, who are completely knocked out]'' ---- :'''Lupin and Jigen''': ''[playing a clapping game]'' Eighty eight days now in the spring, summer's upon us so everyone sing: Pat a cake, pat a cake, baker's man, bake me a cake as fast as you can! :''[They push the halves of the truck apart and dive out of it]'' ---- :'''Jigen''': Huh. I never heard of a football coming with a timer. ''[He places the football to his ear]'' Hmm... :'''Goemon''': Jigen! They don't! :'''Jigen''': ''[panicked]'' Friggin' hell! That means that this thing... This thing here is a... :''[The football explodes]'' :'''Lupin''': Damn! That's it! That little Boronco brat has picked the wrong playmate this time! :'''Goemon''': If you keep thinking of him as just as a kid, then he's gonna keep on playing with you until he wins! ---- :'''Scientist''': Excuse me, Boronco, but this is the fake sapphire you ordered. :'''Boronco''': There's no way he could have...? ---- :''[thanks to Lupin and Fujiko's squabbling, the group ends up losing the Eye of Solomon]'' :'''Goemon''': I'm reconsidering my membership in this whole enterprise! :'''Jigen''': Can you reconsider mine, too? ---- :'''Zenigata''': Stop! You're under arrest, Lupin! You hear me? Just pull over now... Or not! I gotta admit, I really love the chase. :'''Lupin''': I sure wish ''he'd'' reconsider his role in this whole enterprise. ====Episode 73, Flowers and Storms and a Thieves' Race==== :''[Lupin throws his empty food box out of the car]'' :'''Jigen''': Hey, hey! Set an example, will ya? There's kids watching. :''' Lupin''': What are you saying? I put it in the trash. :''[Lupin's trash is seen carelessly disposed on top of a garbage truck]'' ---- :'''Tokumitsu''': Tokumitsu here, reporting live from the scene of the crispy carnage that earlier today thrilled audiences around the world. And a spellbinding barbecue it was, too. Oh, but don't just take my word for it. We have a badly wounded survivor of the tragedy with us. Perhaps I can get him to talk to us. Pardon the interruption, but on a scale of one to ten, ten being the highest, how much pain are you in? ''[The wounded man gives a dying groan]'' Well, thank you very much, and best of luck from all of us on your imminent death. ---- :'''Jigen''': All this co-piloting's kinda exhausting. Think I'll take me a little nap. You can wake me up when we get to heaven. And if we end up in the other place, just let me sleep. ====Episode 74, The Terrifying Chameleon Man==== :'''Lupin''': ''[about the diamond]'' Now I can't seem to decide if I should let Pops lick this thing or not. :'''Fujiko''': Can we vote on it? ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[playing cards with a dozing Jigen]'' Pathetic. Can't even beat him asleep. :'''Goemon''': ''[waiting for the mysterious lurker to arrive]'' I think we may be waiting for Godot. ---- :'''Lupin''': You know, in all these years, you've never given me a simple goodnight kiss. :'''Fujiko''': Just the cheek. Wouldn't want to arouse you. :'''Lupin''': Any old cheek you want, I've got four! ---- :'''Fujiko''': Buy a Q-tip, will you? That's really gross. Better luck next time. :'''Lupin''': Huh...? Of all the friggin'... ''Earwax?!?'' ''[He sits on his bed, angrily pulls off his shoes and tosses them out the room, inadvertently hitting the two chameleon men]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': It's alright, it's just a party favor. Happy New Year. ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[while watching Zenigata chase after insects]'' Real shame you had to whittle down that diamond. It's three months of bug-eating for him. :'''Goemon''': I don't know. I think he enjoys feeling like a kid again. :''[Lupin walks by covered in yellow flowers, humming to himself]'' :'''Jigen''': Hey, what's with the Woodstock get-up, nature boy? :'''Lupin''': Shh! It's just camouflage. Don't tell her, okay? :''[Lupin lies down on the ground and hides among the flowers, waiting for Fujiko]'' :'''Goemon''': ''[sighing]'' He never ''stopped'' being a kid. ====Episode 75, Fujiko Doesn't Look Good in a Wedding Dress==== :'''Jigen''': You're not acting like a man, you're acting like a little kid who's seen too many cornball chick flicks! ---- :'''Fujiko''': Lupin, it's me. What the hell's going on? Where am I? :'''Lupin''': Finally! Damn, you're a heavy sleeper. What do you mean, where are you? You're in Hafner's mansion. ---- :''[During a gunfight, Jigen gets his hat shot off]'' :'''Jigen''': Damn it! :''[He tries to retrieve it but a hail of bullets keeps him away]'' :'''Goemon''': Sorry, but you're going to have to finish this one without your hat! Now come on! :'''Jigen''': They've got no idea what terrible fury they've just unleashed... ---- :'''Jigen''': Great. Friggin' chlorine's gonna bleach my hat. ---- :'''Fujiko''': I'm still in mourning, you know. And I've got assets to go through. ====Episode 76, Do You Know Shakespeare?==== :'''Jigen''': Yeah, just my luck. Snow in Venice, of all places. I'll bet the sun comes out the minute I drag my sorry ass out of here. :'''Angelica''': Excuse me, are you all right? :'''Jigen''': Yeah, I always talk to myself. ---- :'''Jigen''': Turns out the car was hers. A nice one. A Rolls. I mean, I owe her something for blowing it up. :'''Goemon''': I can't help feeling there's more to the story. :'''Lupin''': ''[grinning mischievously]'' And we got a whole lot of extra time. Come on, Jigen. Cough it up. :'''Jigen''': ''[shyly]'' It's just... Look, I've told you the part I'm okay talking about. ---- :''[Angelica searches the ruins and starts off at a run]'' :'''Jigen''': Hey, Angelica, wait! Where are you going? ''[Angelica sees bodies crushed beneath the rubble]'' :'''Angelica''': Oh, God... It's too horrible! ''[She runs through the ruins]'' :'''Jigen''': ''[deeply concerned and afraid for Angelica's life]'' Wait! There may be unexploded bombs! Angelica, please stay where you are! Angelica, listen to me! It's not safe! ''[Angelica doesn't listen to Jigen and keeps running]'' Hey! Just come back! You'll get hurt! ''[Angelica accidentally steps on a bomb. Jigen runs towards her]'' Angelica! Angelica! Damn it! :''[Angelica opens her eyes]'' :'''Angelica''': Don't swear. :'''Jigen''': Why would someone like you ever become a nun anyway? Gotta help me with that. I mean, as I recall, your family was loaded. You were practically royalty. :'''Angelica''': Well, it's only fair I tell you, since you influenced my decision. But I'm happy, believe me. After you left, I was empty. So I devoted myself to God. Now I'm finally feeling his promise of peace has fulfilled in me. I'm in your arms again. I lived to see the doctor rescued. May you know peace, Jigen, my love. ''[She dies in his arms]'' :'''Jigen''': No! Angelica! :''[He cradles her body, sobbing]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': Sorry, sir, about your game. :'''President''': Bugger off. :''[the President and his assistant enter the helicopter] :'''Zenigata''': ''[confused]'' Uh, you just... ''[They slam the helicopter door]'' You go on ahead, sir. I'll take care of everything. ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[at Angelica's grave]'' All my skills, and I couldn't save ya. I'll have to live with that, but I doubt I'll come to any kinda peace with it. Pray for me. ====Episode 78, Diamonds Gleaming in the Robot's Eye==== :'''Lupin''': ''[drowsily answering the phone]'' The number you've dialed is no longer in service. Check your telephone directory or the information operator for the correct number and go to hell. ''[He hangs up, but the phone rings again and falls off the dresser. Lupin slithers out of bed and lies half out of it with his mouth near the reciever]'' You've reached Lupin's mouth. His brain is still asleep. Oh, then you prefer to speak to somebody else? Okay. ''JIGEN!! PHONE!! IT'S FOR YOU!!!'' ---- :''[Lupin, Jigen and Goemon carry the robot up the stairs]'' :'''Jigen''': I don't get it. None of Gavott's people seem to be anywhere around the place. :'''Lupin''': Got a problem with that? ---- :'''Lupin''': I mean, even if a thing like this worked, what would anyone use it for? You wouldn't happen to have a giant paperclip on you, would you? ''[He tests it]'' Not much of a super electro-magnet. ---- :'''Jigen''': Huh. "Dr. Pot's Patented Automatic Nose Blower. To activate, just hold in front of face." ''[A tiny hand comes up out of the box]'' Hey, get a load of this. It's cute. ''[The hand picks up a tissue and pinches Jigen hard on the nose]'' Oww! Ahh! Gahh! Damn it! ''[He pulls the box to try and get the thing off]'' ---- :'''Baby''': And just 'cause Gavotte let the doctor go doesn't mean he isn't gonna rub you guys out. ''[to Jigen]'' And you, I'm gonna pluck that beard off your face myself before he kills ya! ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[about the dismantled robot]'' Well, why don't we get to work on old Humpty Dumpty? :'''Fujiko''': That doesn't sound good. All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty together again. :'''Lupin''': Don't worry. I've done this twice before. :'''Goemon''': You've assembled a robot? :'''Lupin''': Nah. A ship and a tank. :'''Fujiko''': A ship and a tank? :'''Goemon''': That's really quite impressive. :'''Lupin''': Yeah, used to spend all my allowance on those hobby kits of model ships and tanks. :'''Goemon''': Huh? :'''Fujiko''': You mean you've been talking about ''model'' airplanes and toys? :'''Lupin''': ''[after completing the robot]'' Sure. Keeps a young man's hands out of trouble. ====Episode 79, Funeral March for Lupin==== :'''Jigen''': ''[hearing that the concert will have a jeweled baton]'' You know, Lupin, I don't know if I've told you, but I've been a big classical music fan ever since I was a kid. :'''Lupin''': What? You've always been a ballads kind of guy. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[nervously twiddling his thumbs]'' I never told you about this, Fujicakes, but I very nearly took up the bassoon. :''[Fujiko blows smoke in his face]'' :'''Fujiko''': And I very nearly took up with a baboon. :''[She throws her cigarette holder into Lupin's mouth]'' :'''Lupin''': Very funny. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[to Jigen, who is snoring in the seat next to him]'' Didn't you mention you were a fan of all this classical crap? :''[Jigen nods sleepily. Lupin yawns and dozes off as well]'' :'''Fujiko''': ''[to Goemon]'' But they could stay up all night for some kung-fu epic. ---- :'''Lupin''': Looks like Pops is getting serious. :'''Jigen''': Better hope so, 'cause if that ain't serious, I don't know what serious is. ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[after his hypnosis is over]'' Huh? Why the hell'd I pull this out? ---- :''[Goemon notices the couch he damaged while under hypnosis]'' :'''Goemon''': What in the world did I just do? :'''Jigen''': Nothing, just tried to Cuisinart us to death, pally! ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[about Kyoransky]'' Does he replace all those chandeliers every time he kills somebody? ---- :'''Fujiko''': ''[finding that Lupin had secretly removed her underwear]'' Stupid adolescent... ---- :''[Lupin is about to explain his plan to defeat Kyoransky]'' :'''Lupin''': Anyway, take a look at this. :''[He pulls out a ladle]'' :'''Jigen''': Okay, I don't understand. :'''Goemon''': It's a straining ladle for cooking. :'''Jigen''': I know that, but what are you gonna do? Challenge Kyoransky to a bake off? ---- :'''Zenigata''': Lupin, the masquerade's over! Take off the disguise! :'''Lupin''': Thanks a lot! This wig itches. ---- :'''Jigen''': That's a wrap. ---- :'''Kyoransky''': My father was Momanitt Mulchy. When he was alive, he was a master jeweler. But you killed him in cold blood. :'''Lupin''': I only kill in self-defense, which means I don't regret it. ---- :'''Lupin''': You see, I figured out how it is you managed to control with that glittering baton of yours. It emits a high-pitched sound, like a dog whistle. But, you see, the thing is, yours only produces a single tone, whereas mine, on the other hand, has, um... One, two, three... Boy, there's a lot. ---- :'''Zenigata''': You wanna fill me in on what just happened here? ====Episode 80, The Last Meal is a Cup Ramen==== :'''Goemon''': How come grifters never think they'll get grifted? ---- :'''Lupin''': Who put all this pepper in here? ---- :'''Warden''': After him! Lupin has escaped! Don't let him get away! :'''Zenigata''': ''[gleefully sarcastic]'' Yes, what a shame! Lupin has escaped! ====Episode 82, The Rescue Pops Operation==== :'''Zenigata''': Damn it, Lupin! I'm going to get killed because of you. I'm totally going to haunt you. :''[Lupin turns on a transmission]'' :'''Lupin''': I don't mind being haunted by a cute girl. Not sure about you, Pops. And I really feel for you guys, having to take care of a klutz like Pops! ---- :'''Zenigata''': Lupin! Do you want to make a fool out of me, Zenigata? I absolutely refuse to be exchanged as a hostage by the likes of you! :''[He kicks stuff around like an angry toddler. He finds a stick of dynamite that rolled out, then picks it up with his teeth and throws it into the fireplace. The terrorists panic and run for cover. Zenigata stands in the middle of the room, eyes shut tight, sweating profusely and bracing himself for death. No explosion comes. Zenigata's still alive. He looks behind his shoulder and sees that the dynamite was actually a dud with a microphone hid inside. One of the terrorists faints. The men angrily pile on Zenigata as he sinks, crying, to his knees]'' :'''Zenigata''': Shut up! :''[He kicks them away]'' :'''Zenigata''': I'm such a failure, I can't even die properly! :''[He cries and kicks his feet pathetically]'' ---- :'''Napoleon''': The reason why I decided to conquer the world was that it was too noisy for me to sleep in. ''[The gang looks at him, shocked]'' Quite ironic that I found the ideal place in that underground prison. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[tapping the face of Napoleon, who is disguised as him]'' Wow, what a heavy sleeper. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[disguised as Napoleon]'' Inspector Zenigata, why don't we make a deal? I hate Lupin for putting me through this. How would you like to capture him yourself? :'''Zenigata''': I'll take you up on that offer! :''[He rams into Lupin and shoves him into a bush]'' ---- :''[Zenigata sees the helicopter exploding in the distance, as Lupin, who is disguised as Napoleon, stands next to him]'' :'''Zenigata''': L... Lupin... :'''Lupin''': What's the matter? Aren't you pleased? :'''Zenigata''': ''[sniffling]'' I'm sad because a good man has died. :'''Lupin''': A good man? :''[Another explosion occurs. Zenigata breaks into a run]'' :'''Zenigata''': Lupin, if you're alive, let's fight again. :''[The smoke from the wreckage billows out. Zenigata stops suddenly. Lupin runs up beside him. As the musical cue 'Zenigata March' plays in the background, Zenigata stares in disbelief. He starts to cry and sinks to his knees]'' :'''Zenigata''': L... Lupin... We were on different sides of the law, but I liked you. :''[He collapses and beats the ground, sobbing. Lupin smiles warmly]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[in thought]'' I like you, too. ---- :'''Jigen''': Love isn't allowed in a man's world. :'''Lupin''': Come on, Jigen, don't be so mean. ====Episode 84, Leave Revenge to Lupin==== :'''Jigen''': ''[answering the phone]'' Huh? :'''Joe of Spade''': Jigen! I'm being chased! Help me! This is Joe! :'''Jigen''': Joe? What's the matter? Where are you? :'''Joe of Spade''': I'm in Maria's restaurant. :''[Joe's two pursuers kick the door open. Joe draws but isn't able to fire. He backs away in terror]'' :'''Jigen''': ''[over the phone]'' Joe, answer me! What's the matter with you, Joe? :'''Male voice''': [over the phone] Go to hell, you idiot! :''[From over the phone comes the sound of gunfire]'' :'''Jigen''': JOE! :''[Jigen's panicked cries wake Lupin, who sleepily shuffles out of his room, clutching a pillow. The international thief and criminal looks profoundly innocent standing in the doorway like this]'' :'''Lupin''': Jigen, what's going on? :'''Jigen''': It's bad. My mentor's going to get bumped off. :'''Lupin''': ''[half-asleep]'' Huh...? :'''Jigen''': He's a man named Joe of Spade... Lupin, will you go to Marseille with me? :''[Lupin responds with a loud yawn]'' :'''Lupin''': It's the middle of the night... :''[Jigen carries Lupin over his shoulder into the Mercedes and drives into the night with him in the front passenger seat]'' ---- :'''Chief''': Lupin III is a thief who was born in France. He has a clear head, and he's the grandson of Arsene Lupin. He's bound to be patriotic. :'''Zenigata''': Yes, he may be, slightly... ---- :''[Lupin appears in Joe's teleporter. His hair crackles with static and he wears a dazed expression]'' :'''Joe''': Lupin! What are you doing here? :''[He curiously walks over to Lupin to closely inspect him. The young man rolls out, curled up in a tight ball, in the middle of the room. Slowly, he unfolds his legs, then his arms, rolling onto his back, and then a sitting position. He sets his head straight, then pinches his cheek, then his nose, then his ears, then feels his eyes, his head and chin, squishes his cheeks, feels his mouth, and finally slaps his face before shaking his head. He sits, still in a daze, and blinks. He looks around]'' :'''Lupin''': Oh, Joe! That means the electric waves have successfully transmitted me! ==== Episode 87, When the Devil Beckons to Lupin ==== :''[The gang finds Lupin lying asleep in the middle of the road]'' :'''Fujiko''': ''[cradling him]'' Lupin! Hang on! :'''Goemon''': There's only one way to wake up from hypnosis. ''[He kicks Lupin squarely in the behind]'' ---- :'''Peter''': Have you even met the Gestapo? They're devils. They're barely even human! :'''Lupin''': ''[jokingly]'' I thought ''you'' were the devil. :'''Peter''': Shut up! Give me the diamond! ---- :'''Lupin''': Stop it, Peter! :'''Peter''': Welcome, Lupin. I'll kill you along with the rest. :''[He gets out a lighter. Lupin pulls out the Dragon's Tear]'' :'''Lupin''': So you don't want the Dragon's Tear? :'''Peter''': I have no need for that. From the beginning, all I wanted was to kill every one of those bastard Nazis. :'''Lupin''': ''[drawing his Walther]'' I can't let you do that! :''[They pause for a long time. Peter nears the lighter close to the fuse. Lupin shoots it away, then shoots one of the ropes. One of the stakes goes flying and impales Peter. The horrific sight causes Lupin to avert his eyes. The balloon floats away with Peter still impaled on the stake. Lupin and his gang sadly watch the balloon]'' ==== Episode 89, Play the Thieves' Symphony==== :''[Fujiko has seen Lupin dozing in his seat while listening to Beethoven's Eroica]'' :'''Fujiko''': Lupin, since when were you a fan of classical music? :'''Lupin''': Well, ''Eroica'' is a good lullaby, you know? ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[muted]'' Goemon, what's going on? :'''Goemon''': ''[muted]'' I don't know, but there are fleas around. I feel itchy. ---- :'''Lupin''': It's a silencer that silences all sound! Now we're almost in the nuclear safe. :'''Jigen''': Anyway, you can take a bath now. ---- :'''Jigen''': Hey, why don't you go out for a walk? Huh? ''[Lupin ignores him]'' I guess not. ---- :'''Jigen''': No matter what kind of art it may be, I don't appreciate it. ---- :'''Lupin''': Pops? :'''Zenigata''': Don't call me "Pops". I'm not your relative, Lupin. ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[mouth full of balloon]'' Wawawd! I wiw wewwewew wis. ---- :'''Lupin''': Music isn't all about ballads. ==== Episode 97, Find the Treasure of Lupin the First ==== :''[While Lupin is kissing Fujiko, he swallows something]'' :'''Lupin''': Did you just feed me something? :'''Fujiko''': ''[coyly]'' You're right. :'''Lupin''': ''[giggling]'' I get it. You wanna go all night, right? :'''Fujiko''': It's the opposite. :'''Lupin''': The opposite? :'''Fujiko''': It'll make you sleep like a log. :'''Lupin''': Sleep like a... :''[He tumbles out of the bed and passes out]'' ---- :''[Lupin, Jigen and Goemon are handcuffed to a tree branch by Zenigata]'' :'''Lupin''': Hey, Zenigata, what are you going to do with us? :'''Zenigata''': I'm not going to do anything. :'''Lupin''': You're not going to do anything? What do you mean? Why won't you arrest us? :'''Zenigata''': According to the findings from the ICPO investigation, three men suspected as killers are riding the airship Paradise, which is on a goodwill mission. One of the men is from America, one is from Britain and the third is from the USSR. And the target seems to be you, Lupin the Third. :'''Lupin''': Thanks for the information. But Pops, why are you going out of your way to help us? :''[Zenigata says nothing, but turns and silently walks away. He stops suddenly]'' :'''Zenigata''': I heard they have strange killing techniques. Be careful. :'''Lupin''': Now I understand why you showed us your capture technique. :'''Zenigata''': ''[suddenly acting like a tsundere]'' You idiot! What kind of policeman would do such a thing?... Good luck anyway. :'''Jigen and Goemon''': Good luck? :'''Lupin''': ''[smiling warmly]'' He's too nice to be a policeman. ---- :''[Lupin watches a walking doll grow into a giant]'' :'''Lupin''': It's so big! Call it off! ''[He flees through the doorway]'' Stop, stop, stop! ''[The doll crashes through, breaking down the wall]'' Big ladies aren't my type! No means no! ''[He's backed against another wall. The doll tries to make a grab for him]'' This is the opposite of stopping! We're not a good match! We'd stand out! ''[The doll slips and falls on top of him]'' Help! I can't breathe! Come on, help me out of here! :'''Rasputan''': This is the special dummy I had prepared for you. :''[The doll shrinks back to its normal size]'' :'''Lupin''': That was bad. :''[He watches the doll walking as Rasputan laughs]'' :''' ==== Episode 98, The Day the Old Man Died ==== :'''Lupin''': Sure would be nice, going up to Heaven with Pops, hand in hand. ---- :''[Zenigata wakes up underwater and surfaces in the Seine]'' :'''Lupin''': Good grief! Pops is alive! :'''Zenigata''': Lupin! You're under arrest! :'''Lupin''': What's going on here? :'''Jigen''': No idea. :'''Goemon''': ''[hearing Truffaut's men]'' They're coming. :''[The gang jumps into the river. Lupin knocks Zenigata out with a stick as he does so]'' :'''Lupin''': You play dead now, Pops. ---- :'''Goemon''': ''[to Truffaut]'' I feel sorry for the officer you killed. His parents are still alive. :'''Zenigata''': ''[in tears]'' He was my shooting teacher at ICPO! A very kind officer! That's why he used the tranquilizer bullet on me. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Lupin... Thank you. ==== Episode 104, The Most Dangerous Golden Bed ==== :'''Butler''': May I ask who this is? :'''Zenigata''': I'm the man on this card. :''[He presents his business card, which has the name "Kouichi Zenigata" written on it]'' :'''Zenigata''': I'm Inspector Zenigata from Japan! :''[He dutifully salutes]'' :'''Morgan''': I didn't ask the Japanese police to assist me. ==== Episode 106, You're a Cat, I'm a Dried Tuna ==== :'''Vivian''': ''[to the camera]'' Oh, I shouldn't have lied. :'''Zenigata''': What were you saying just now? :'''Vivian''': Uh, nothing... ---- :'''Lupin''': Why would I steal a pencil-eating cat? ---- :'''Lupin''': My life needs excitement, not cuteness. ---- :'''Goemon''': It's just a kids' newspaper. ---- :''[Jigen whittles at a pencil, meowing]'' :'''Jigen''': Meow, I said! ''[He puts the shavings underneath a basket as a trap]'' Can I really catch it this way? ''[He goes to hide behind a chimney and waits. Some time later, Jigen dozes off]'' ---- :'''Bucky''': A famous person wasting time for a lost cat must be very rich. ---- :'''Goemon''': I can't do something this silly anymore. :'''Fujiko''': Me neither. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[putting the cat in a letterbox]'' Post! ''[The young man hides in an alleyway as Bucky, Butcher and Vivian run past. A mailman drives by Lupin on a motorcycle and hands him a package. He opens it and the cat emerges. It jumps onto his shoulder affectionately]'' Why me? ---- :'''Lupin''': Stop the noise! ''[He makes faces at the cat, like a parent would to a baby]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': You're a strange cat. How is this tasty? ''[He tries one of the "pencil shavings" and finds it to have a familiar taste. He inspects the shavings closer]'' This is dried tuna. ---- :'''Lupin''': Go on! Go away. Shoo, shoo! Shoo! Shoo! Go on. You rascal. ''[The cat, in its unconditional love for Lupin, starts to walk away, but decides it will refuse to leave him and walks back towards him]'' I'm a dog. ''[The cat, who doesn't speak or understand human and finds Lupin entertaining, meows with delight and jumps onto his leg]'' Oh, good grief. ---- :'''Zenigata''': I don't care about the cat. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Alright, let's retreat. :'''Vivian''': This is... Mr. Dorogata, that's my cat! Please, search harder! :'''Zenigata''': The name's ''Zeni''gata. ==== Episode 110, Hot Shot, This Is Fujiko ==== :'''Lupin''': Jigen, I'll take one for you. :'''Jigen''': Maybe it's better if I've had a shower first? :'''Lupin''': It doesn't make a difference anyway. :''[He takes a picture of Jigen. A photo comes out. Lupin looks at it with surprise]'' :'''Jigen''': What? What's on it? :''[He finds to his bewilderment that it's a photo three minutes into the future of him in the shower, completely nude]'' ---- :''[On a nudist beach, Zenigata, in boxers, cringes before a trio of women]'' :'''Woman 1''': Come on and take your clothes off. It's the rules here. :'''Woman 2''': A person is most beautiful when they're in the nude. :'''Woman 3''': That's right. ''[She pulls on Zenigata's boxers]'' Here, put this on. ==== Episode 112, Goemon's Close Call ==== :'''Lupin''': You went through this for my sake. :'''Goemon''': If I betrayed my comrades, I'd rather die. :'''Lupin''': ''[stroking Goemon's hair]'' You're a fool. A real fool! :''[He hugs Goemon tightly and cries]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[previewing the next episode]'' "My only goal is to arrest Lupin." Bah! And now Old Man Zenigata is playing Chuushingura to arrest me! The next one is "Operation Chuushingura". See ya! ==== Episode 113, The Name of the Operation is Chuushingura ==== :''[Lupin and Jigen are munching away on biscuits at a kabuki play when they notice Goemon clutching his Zantetsuken and crying, enthralled by the play. Lupin, looking displeasedly at Goemon, is about to take another bite of his biscuit when Jigen yanks it away, and Lupin ends up biting his own teeth]'' :'''Lupin''': Ouch! What did you do that for? ''[He reaches for his biscuit again but Jigen slaps his hand away and points at the weeping Goemon. Lupin leaves the theater]'' Just like kids, coming to watch Chuushingura every year. Are the Japanese idiots? ---- :'''Zenigata''': How could they sack you, chief? :'''Chief Asano''': It doesn't matter, Zenigata. I alone doomed myself. As a law keeper, I shouldn't use violence. :''[Zenigata silently bursts into tears]'' :'''Chief Asano''': But if I knew this would happen, I'd have trashed that minister. :'''Zenigata''': I'm sorry. I shouldn't have stopped you. :'''Chief Asano''': Doesn't matter. You must go on. ---- :''[On a boat, Kira complains to a blind drunk Lupin]'' :'''Kira''': I'm very old, of course I'm degenerated. Why must I be treated as the bad guy? :'''Lupin''': Old man, don't cry. Here's another cup. :'''Kira''': Ooishi Kuranosuke, I hate you. :'''Lupin''': Don't look so mean. :'''Kira''': Right. The topic is the treasure. :'''Lupin''': Is there really a treasure? :'''Kira''': Of course there is. I, Kira Kozuenosuke, used my degenerate ways to gather this treasure. :'''Lupin''': If we were meant to meet, I'll investigate it for you. ---- :''[The plane Lupin is flying is low on fuel]'' :'''Lupin''': We're out of gas. :'''Fujiko''': There's a gas station over there. :'''Lupin''': This isn't a car! ---- :'''Kira''': My hands are cold because... I'm a ghost. :''[After a second, Lupin bursts out laughing]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[pounding the table]'' "I'm a ghost"! That's a good one. :''[His friends watch in astonishment as the man literally vanishes into thin air]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[drunk and talking in his sleep]'' Can't take more... ---- :'''Lupin''': Let's see how serious they are. ''[He holds up a white flag. The officer shoots it]'' They're serious. ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[imitating Oishi]'' Comrades of mine, our time has come! :'''Police''': Yes! :''[Zenigata tries to bang the drum but smashes the skin instead]'' :'''Zenigata''': Oops. :'''Officer''': He's taking this act too much to heart. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[in a flirtatious pose]'' Ginger ale later! ==== Episode 121, The Treasure My Grandfather Left Behind ==== :'''Jigen''': Let's save him. ''[He plays the flute]'' :'''Zenigata''': ''[still wrestling with the snake]'' That's the wrong end! :'''Jigen''': My bad. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[dazed]'' Fujiko, what do you conclude from this? :'''Fujiko''': Let's see... Be careful of the floor and the stairs. :'''Lupin''': Oh yeah, that's right. ''[He faints]'' ---- :''[Lupin slips down a flight of stairs]'' :'''Lupin''': This is the last straw! Ain't there an escalator?! ---- :'''Lupin''': What the hell is all this sheep doing here? :'''Gregoire''': Don't be irritated. It's not good for your health. You know, count sheep when you can't fall asleep? I suggest you take a nap till they all leave. :'''Lupin''': Don't talk bullshit. ''[He yells at the sheep]'' Hey, go on! Shoo! Come on! I need that statue! ---- :''[Jigen sees Lupin sitting in the middle of the courtyard. Butterflies circle around his head]'' :'''Jigen''': Lupin! ''[He rushes forward and shakes the dozing Lupin by the head]'' Wake up, Lupin! :'''Lupin''': Three billion, six hundred and fifty seven million, six thousand... :'''Jigen''': ''[smacking Lupin lightly on the head to wake him up]'' What kind of talk is that? We know the guy's real identity now. :'''Fujiko''': Lupin, what are you doing? ''[She runs up to the gang]'' Is that the Venus statue? It's pretty. :'''Lupin''': You can see it behind the camels? :'''Fujiko''': What camels? ---- :'''Fujiko''': You were decieved by some butterflies? ==== Episode 126, Together with Lupin to Hell ==== :'''Lupin''': Could you keep this for me? ''[He tosses Goemon a brooch]'' Just take it for me as my parting gift. I could be killed by Fujiko's tricks. ''[Goemon gives a smile of understanding, pockets the item and leaves]'' ---- :''[Lupin removes the tape from a bound Jigen's mouth]'' :'''Jigen''': Lupin, you jerk! Have I ever betrayed you? What's the big idea? :'''Lupin''': If I didn't, you wouldn't come with me. :'''Jigen''': Stop the car! I don't want to take part! ''[Lupin sprays Jigen with knockout gas]'' Lupin, I'll remember this... :''[He passes out in the front passenger seat]'' :'''Lupin''': I'll wake you when you get there. Sweet dreams. ---- :'''Lupin''': What now, Jigen? :'''Jigen''': Dunno. ---- :'''Lupin''': Let's use rock-paper-scissors to see who'll decide. ''[Jigen scoffs]'' As I thought... ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[thinking Lupin had died]'' He was a lady-killer, spineless, irritating, but to die like this... :''[a stone is hurled at his head. Lupin emerges from one of the corner pockets]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[indignantly]'' Who's a spineless irritating lady-killer?! ---- :'''Lupin''': Damn, the water's coming in. Go-Goemon... ''GOEMON!!'' ''[The stone behind Lupin and Jigen is sliced and they fall out backwards]'' Goemon, are you dead, too? :'''Goemon''': That would be troublesome. ==== Episode 128, The Old Woman and the Thievery Contest ==== :''[Lupin barges into Jigen and Goemon's room. The two men wake up squealing like little girls. There's a short, awkward pause. Lupin goes to the end of Goemon's bed and looks at him curiously]'' :'''Goemon''': ''[blushing and clearing his throat]'' It seems I've had a bad dream. :'''Jigen''': ''[trying to look casual]'' Me, too. :''[Lupin leaves, knowing his partners don't have the diamond]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': I'm mad that you used my name at your will. :'''Mrs. Dokonjo''': You're angry... :''[She bawls]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[nervous]'' Granny... Listen, granny... ''[He moves over to console her]'' I'll forgive you. But please, don't do it again. Please. :''[She looks up at him with a glare]'' :'''Mrs. Dokonjo''': Lupin! :'''Lupin''': What kind of a look is that? ---- :''[The gang stand on each other's shoulders so that their lunatic friend can reach a diaper on a laundry line]'' :'''Jigen''': When I find that old lady, I'll show her who's boss. :'''Goemon''': ''[standing on Jigen's shoulders]'' I came to Broadway for this? :'''Fujiko''': ''[standing on Goemon's shoulders]'' The four of us had to be mobilized for that? :'''Lupin''': ''[standing on Fujiko's shoulders]'' Just a bit more... there... just a bit more... :''[He manages to grab the trivial thing]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': That old bag is trying to make the article more interesting. She siphoned the gas out of the tank. We're out of gas! :'''Jigen''': ''[laughing lightly and pushing his fedora further down his face]'' That old biddy. I'm beginning to like her. ==== Episode 129, In Jigen, I Saw the Kindness of a Man's Soul ==== :'''Guard''': At the moment, the president is taking a nap. Until he wakes up, please wait in the waiting room. :'''Jigen''': OK. By the way... ''[He hits the guard with a tranquilizer dart]'' Why don't you take a nap as well? ---- :'''Lupin''': I really ought to go there myself, but Pops is hot on my tail right now. :'''Zenigata''': Grrr... Woof! ---- :''[A group of men in brown uniforms burst in on Jigen, who is sitting in a hotel room, holding a beverage glass and wearing a nightgown and a nightcap]'' :'''Jigen''': Well, I don't recall calling for room service. :'''Janaican Police Chief''': Has a woman come into this room? :'''Jigen''': What woman? Sorry, man, but I'm a woman-hater. :'''Janaican Police Chief''': If you're lying, you're in big trouble. Search the place! :''[The men trash the room while Jigen calmly sits and has a drink. Fortunately, they don't notice the broken window the woman swung in through]'' :'''Janaican Officer''': Damn it, she got away! :''[The men leave as Jigen holds the door open for them]'' :'''Jigen''': ''[to the chief]'' Thank you for coming. Why don't you have a drink with me? :''[The chief ignores him and leaves. Jigen kicks the door shut in a huff]'' ---- :'''Fujiko''': ''[disguised as a pilot]'' We're carrying too many people. One person has to get off or we're going to crash. :'''Lupin''': ''[fighting a thumb war with Zenigata]'' That's what he says. What are you going to do, Pops? I don't want to get off. :'''Zenigata''': ''[also fighting the thumb war]'' I don't want to get off here either. ==== Episode 139, Steal Everything From Lupin ==== :'''Lupin''': ''[watching Mr. Steel carry Fujiko off]'' I ain't gonna let my body have all the fun without me. ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[disguising himself as a woman]'' Lupin has a weakness for women. :''[He applies the lipstick. The white face paint and colorful clothes honestly make him look more like a clown. He answers his walkie-talkie]'' :'''Officer''': Inspector, Lupin is here. :'''Zenigata''': Alright, I understand. ''[He puts on a girlish voice]'' I'll be right there. ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[seeing Mr. Steel as Lupin grope a woman in the park]'' He's really trying to act like Lupin, isn't he? :'''Lupin''': I'm not as bad as that. ---- :''[Mr. Steel in Lupin's body tries to chat up a disguised Zenigata]'' :'''Goemon''': His taste is as bad as yours. :'''Lupin''': Don't be silly. I wouldn't try and pick up Old Man Zenigata if I was offered. ---- :'''Jigen''': What now, Lupin? Your body will be taken to prison. ---- :'''Lupin''': This is the first time I've disguised myself as myself. It's really strange. ---- :''[Zenigata faints from the confusion of having his body transported into Mr. Steel's]'' :'''Dr. Changer''': Poor thing. With his brain it's difficult to understand what's going on, you see. ---- :''[as Zenigata, in the dying Mr. Steel's body, chases his own body, Lupin drives past in the Mercedes]'' :'''Lupin''': Pops! Work harder, will you? :'''Zenigata''': L-Lupin! :''[Lupin accelerates, and so does Mr. Steel]'' :'''Zenigata''': Wait! :''[Gradually he slows to a walk and finally collapses, dropping his handcuffs. It's curtains for Zenigata... probably]'' ==== Episode 140, Wolf Run, Pig Fall Down ==== :'''Lupin''': Look at Pops bragging up there. :'''Jigen''': Go ahead and let him. ---- :'''Jigen''': Thanks for catching up, Pops. ---- :'''Jigen''': That fish could beat Jaws. :'''Lupin''': I oughta turn 'im into a canned salmon. ---- :'''Lupin''': Animal instincts really are a wonderful thing. ==== Episode 142, The Big Favorite Disappeared at the Grand Race ==== :'''Lupin''': Pops, where's your parachute? :'''Zenigata''': I don't need it to arrest you! :'''Lupin''': Let go, Pops! :'''Zenigata''': No way in hell! :''[They float down past Red Arrow, who kicks Zenigata, sending him falling into the water, taking Lupin's pants with him]'' ---- :'''Fujiko''': You've done it, Lupin! :'''Lupin''': Yes, but he eats like a horse, pardon the expression. ---- :'''Lupin''': Pops, I'm leaving him with you. Take care of Red Pig. ==== Episode 145, Wings of Death: Albatross ==== :''[Lupin prepares to exchange the detonator for Fujiko]'' :'''Lonebach''': One... :'''Lupin''': Two... :''[Fujiko reveals herself to be Zenigata in disguise]'' :'''Zenigata''': Three! ---- :''[Zenigata searches Lupin, emptying his false foot]'' :'''Lupin''': Pops, is that big aeroboat going to fly? :'''Zenigata''': Yes, today they will test it. :'''Lupin''': I see, that's the story behind that Albatross spark plug thing. ''[Zenigata grabs his face and pulls hard]'' Ow! Ow! Stop it! :'''Zenigata''': Oh, it's in here? :''[Zenigata pulls off a fake hairpiece from Lupin's head]'' :'''Lupin''': It's not my fault. :''[Zenigata looks in bewilderment as the hairpiece starts to fizzle, and finds out too late that it's a flash grenade]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': Fujiko. Fujiko. :''[Fujiko awakens]'' :'''Fujiko''': Lupin. :'''Lupin''': You're not hurt? :''[Fujiko finds she's lying in the rubble, sandwiched between Jigen and Zenigata, who are unconscious. Lupin, meanwhile, is hanging upside down. The four of them look like a tangled mess]'' :'''Fujiko''': I know you look serious but this really must be some kind of joke to you! ---- :''[Lonebach floats through the air with Zenigata clinging to him]'' :'''Zenigata''': I've never seen an atom bomb like this. :'''Lonebach''': These bombs are real, I tell you! :'''Zenigata''': Then let them explode! :'''Lonebach''': No! No way! ==== Episode 148, The Target is 555 Meters ==== :'''Lupin''': The building lights all look like little diamonds from up here. ---- :'''Lupin''': OK, Goemon, I'm good and ready. ==== Episode 151, The Arrest Lupin Highway Operation ==== :'''Zenigata''': I'll catch Lupin even if I have to go into the cage with him. ---- :'''Lupin''': Yo, Pops, are you alright down there? :'''Zenigata''': ''[poking his head through the bars]'' Lupin, how dare you! Don't move! I'm going to get you right now! ''[He realizes his head is stuck and manages to pull it back through the bars. The barge starts moving]'' Stop that! :'''Lupin''': Next time, pick a better trap for me! ''[He laughs loudly]'' :'''Zenigata''': ''[angrily shooting at Lupin]'' You think it's so funny to make a fool of me? ==== Episode 152, Jigen and a Hat and a Pistol ==== :'''Fujiko''': I need Jigen to... ''[She sees Jigen wearing a Tyrolean hat and giggles]'' Jigen, what happened to your hat? :''[Jigen blushes and hides behind Lupin]'' ---- :''[The gang finds Zenigata hiding in a bush with a recording device, sobbing]'' :'''Lupin''': Well, now. Pops, what are you crying about? :'''Zenigata''': Lupin, I've never been so touched like I am today. I really respect Jigen's decision. He is a man among men. :'''Lupin''': What? :'''Zenigata''': Listen, Lupin. I'll let you go until Jigen does his job. Go for it, Jigen! I'm rooting for you! :''[He marches away, singing the theme to Star of the Giants]'' ==== Episode 154, The Hexagon's Great Legacy ==== :'''Fujiko''': ''[disguised as a messenger]'' Inspector, I've got news for you. :'''Zenigata''': Regarding Lupin? :'''Fujiko''': Yes. He's targeting a bank at the Hexagon City. :''[Zenigata laughs eagerly and snatches his coat]'' :'''Zenigata''': Give it. :''[He dashes out the door]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': Wait there, Lupin. I'll use my bonus money to buy you a grave. ==== Episode 155, Farewell my beloved Lupin ==== :'''"Zenigata"''': And this cutie... I mean, the girl is? ---- :'''Lupin''': The real Pops should be at the airport by now. ---- :'''Zenigata''': How stupid can a guy be to impersonate Lupin? ==== English Dub Bloopers ==== :'''Jigen''': I still say that broad is nothing but trouble, but God damn it, has she got great tits or what? ---- :'''Jigen''': It says right here, "Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot..." ---- :'''Lupin''': Sounds like someone thinks he might not measure up. :'''Jigen''': Oh, that's ridiculous, man! I have a fourteen-inch doggy dick and don't you forget it! ---- :'''Dr. Normil''': Gentlemen. :'''Jigen''': Hey, this guy's got a dick for a head. :'''Dr. Normil''': I can see you've been talking about me already. ---- :'''Jigen''': You just tripped over my dick. ---- :'''Jigen''': There's a sign up ahead. It says ''Go Fuck Yourself''. ---- :'''Lupin''': Nothing like a tall glass of juice after a near-fatal sauna. :'''Jotarou''': Excuse me, but I thought you might like to know that you now have no choice but to lick my sweaty fucking testes. ---- :'''Lupin''': Stop it! Turn it off, please! :'''Jotarou''': And then, when you couldn't beat my father fair and square, you cheated! :'''Lupin''': Hah! I could have broken into that safe blindfolded, but I didn't! And you know why? It was out of compassion for your father, you bald fuck! :'''Jotarou''': That's a desperate lie. I'm ''not'' a bald fuck, I ''wax!'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': Dickhead, you'd better be positive about this. :'''Dr. Normil''': I hate it when people call me that. ''I'M VERY SENSITIVE ABOUT MY HEAD!'' Bastard! :'''Zenigata''': ''[in thought]'' Sure you are... ''penis with ears''. === Lupin III Part III === ==== Episode 1, The Gold is Beckoning Lupin ==== :''[Lupin sees a phone ringing in a shark's mouth. He answers it]'' :'''Lupin''': Call me back. I'm busy. :'''Fujiko''': Oh, dear. The Lupin I know wouldn't act so cold. :'''Lupin''': Who's that? Oh, Fujiko. :'''Fujiko''': I'm in San Francisco, and I need your help. :'''Lupin''': Oh, you're in Frisco? Right, I'm on my way. ''[As he hangs up, the shark bites him on the hand. A wave crashes onto him. As it turns out, he was dreaming, and the wave that hit him was water from a vase he knocked over while trying to put the receiver back. He lies half out of his bed, still holding the receiver]'' ---- :'''Jigen''': You said you were stuck to the seat with super glue? Be careful not to peel your back. :'''Lupin''': I have to hurry and help Fujiko. :'''Jigen''': ''[dismantling the bomb]'' In Chinatown? ''[He pulls out the connecting wire]'' Right, got it. :''[Lupin flexes his back, but the bomb is still stuck to him and the entire back of his clothes is torn off]'' :'''Lupin''': Guess not. ==== Episode 2, Expose the Great Trap ==== :'''Lupin''': Whoever touches this bubble when it bursts instantly loses their short-term memory. :''[He lets the bubble float and walks away]'' :'''Jigen''': Hmph. Ridiculous. ''[The bubble bursts on the brim of Jigen's hat, and he stares ahead in a trance. Lupin steals the gun Jigen was cleaning and swaps it with an ice cream cone. Jigen breaks out of the trance and rubs a handkerchief on the ice cream]'' Huh? What the...? ''[Lupin laughs, and Jigen throws the ice cream into his mouth]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': Here you go, back-ash-wards. ---- :'''Director Aran''': ICPO approved the use of six tons of pure gold for this operation. And the operation failed. Naturally we have to take the blame for it. :'''Zenigata''': ''[crying]'' Because of my failure... I apologize. :'''Director Aran''': You don't have to apologize to me. What's done is done. And you're not an Inspector anymore. Forget about Lupin and go back to Japan. :'''Zenigata''': Director Aran, thank you for everything during my time in the force. ''[He walks away in tears]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': You damn interloper! Mind your own business! Not mine! ==== Episode 3, Greetings, Hell's Angel ==== :'''Lupin''': Well? Scared yet? If you feel like running away, this is your last chance. :'''Flora''': I don't feel like it. ''[Lupin looks bewildered]'' If you're trying to drive me away by scaring me, it's not working. ''[Lupin trudges away, then stops and glances back at Flora]'' I've made up my mind to follow you to the end. ''[Lupin looks surprised. Flora runs to him with open arms]'' Do what you want with me, Lupin! :'''Lupin''': ''[disturbed]'' Just kidding! Joke's over! :''[He flees and tumbles into the sea]'' ==== Episode 4, Telepathy is Love's Signal ==== :'''Lupin''': ''[over the phone]'' Fujiko dear! :'''Fujiko''': ''[in the bath]'' Lupin, I won't see you any more. :'''Lupin''': Sorry. Just wait for me. Kissy kissy! :'''Jigen''': Calling Fujiko again? ==== Episode 6, Lupin has Come With a Tank ==== :'''Lupin''': Geez, where's he off screwing around? At this rate, we'll find the pearly gates before we find the Megas treasure. ==== Episode 9, the Copy-Man Becomes Expensive ==== :''[Zenigata is stuck on a magnet, with Budweiser pinned between them. He strains to pull himself loose]'' :'''Dr. Budweiser''': Ouch! Let go of me! :'''Zenigata''': Sorry, doctor. I'm doing the best I can. ''[He tries to pull himself away]'' Damn you, Lupin! He tricked me into wearing a suit of armor because of this magnet. ''[He gets his right arm free]'' Damn it, I can't get loose! ''[His left arm is now free as well. He continues trying to heave himself away. Some time later, Zenigata is fully free. He runs out of the safe and looks around]'' Alright, Lupin! You're mine! ''[He sees a glass case with smouldering ashes coming from it]'' He tricked us with this smoke, saying that it's poisoned gas! Wait a minute! He made us believe that he left through the tunnel... But he's actually probably gone to the roof! ==== Episode 10, Lay a Plot with the Treasure ==== :'''Goemon''': I was distracted again. I must improve my mind. :'''Lupin''': ''[wearing a chef's hat and apron and holding a frying pan]'' Thanks a lot. I couldn't find the can opener, so it was a big assist. ---- :'''Jigen''': Still, what a flake. Doesn't this guy know about libel laws? ---- :''[Lupin has just told Jigen he heard that the Minister needs Arsene Lupin's treasure for something]'' :'''Jigen''': ''[scoffing]'' Ridiculous. I heard the Minister of Justice is going to run for President. He's just using you as campaign fodder. :'''Lupin''': Yeah, it seems like it. ---- :'''Jigen''': By the way, why does the Minister have your grandpa's treasure? :'''Lupin''': Well, the story I heard is that is that grandpa was screwed over by some broad. And she was the Minister's mother. :''[Jigen laughs]'' :'''Jigen''': That's hilarious. It's just like you and Fujiko. ---- :'''Lupin''': You eat a lot. How many stomachs to you have? :'''Jigen''': Don't be silly. It's natural to get hungry after exercising. ---- :'''Jigen''': Don't you think this jailbreak looks too easy? :''[In the back seat, Zenigata looks nervous]'' :'''Lupin''': What? That just means that my plan was perfect. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Minister, you don't have to go about this in a roundabout way. If you leave it to me, I can arrest Lupin right now! :'''Minister''': Inspector Zenigata, if you really could arrest him so easily, Lupin would have been in prison long ago. :'''Zenigata''': Huh? Well... Yes, but... :'''Minister''': Suppose you arrest him. If Lupin then escaped from jail, it would hurt my presidential campaign. Listen, you must not try to arrest Lupin without my permission. :'''Zenigata''': Yes. I, I... I understand, sir! ---- :'''Lupin''': Hey, Pops, you better scram! That dome's gonna blow! ---- :'''Zenigata''': That's our Lupin... I knew something like this would happen! ==== Episode 13, Play a Joke on the Variation ==== :'''Zenigata''': Well? Isn't it cosy, wrapped in my super Lupin-catching flypaper? ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[sticking an exploding bag to Zenigata's face]'' You'd better not peel it off too hard or your skin will come off. ---- :'''Jigen''': What Lupin needs is rest. He's completely exhausted, in both mind and body. ---- :''["Fujiko" drives Lupin to Madame Luisa's castle]'' :'''"Fujiko"'''': Madame Luisa, the billionaire widow, is holding a big party. There will be a lot of rich ladies there. Those vain creatures are like moving jewelry shops. You can collect their jewels with those fingers of yours. ''[Lupin is asleep and not listening]'' Lupin? Lupin? Lupin! ''[Lupin, wearing a woman's dress and bandages on his head, finally wakes up. The symbol of a hand with a curved index finger is reflected in his left eye.]'' Understand? Our share will be 70-30. ''[Lupin sees the castle and stares at it as though in a trance]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': I caught Lupin and lived! ---- :'''Lupin''': Welcome to the peep show! ==== Episode 16, The Poisonous Golden Apple ==== :'''Jigen''': Got a cold? :'''Lupin''': No, it just happens when Pops talks about me. ---- :'''Guard''': Ah, Inspector, look out! It's dangerous to lean over so much! This is shark infested water! :'''Zenigata''': ''[arrogant and insistent on searching for Lupin]'' You fool! If you're scared of a shark, you can't arrest Lupin! ''[The boat leans to the side, sending Zenigata falling over the railing and towards the water. Lupin throws a rope out with a wooden block attached to it, causing the Inspector to dangle just above the water. He sees the guard is right, and there are indeed sharks in the water]'' Hey! Get away! Stay back! ''[The sharks jump at Zenigata]'' I'm not tasty! Don't come! Help! Pull me up! :'''Lupin''': ''[pulling Zenigata up]'' Geez, what a troublesome old man you are! :'''Jigen''': You're too nice. It'd make the job easier if you left him as shark bait. ---- :'''Lupin''': Hey, Pops, that's too violent for prime time! ---- :''[Zenigata sees Lupin ride away on a shark]'' :'''Zenigata''': What?! He trained a shark?! That's a Nobel Prize-level trick! :''[Out on the sea, Lupin still thinks he's riding a shark-shaped boat]'' :'''Lupin''': Huh? I can't control it. What happened to this machine? ''[The shark dives out of the water]'' Huh? Th... This is a real shark! ''[The shark dives in and out of the water]'' Whoa! He-help me! ''[It dives in and out again]'' ''Jigen!'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': Prince Adam, this woman is part of Lupin's gang! :'''Prince Adam''': She isn't. Fujiko is my governess! :'''Zenigata''': Your governess? Fujiko? ''[He bursts out laughing]'' ---- :''[Zenigata bends the bars of the cage he's trapped in]'' :'''Lupin''': Wow, you really are a gorilla. Time to scram! ---- :'''Lupin''': Pops, you didn't sleep last night, did you? You'd better take a nap! :''[The tired Inspector watches Jigen drive Lupin away]'' :'''Zenigata''': Wait, Lupin... :''[His all-night vigil takes its toll and he falls asleep on the ground]'' ---- :''[Lupin appears at the door. He looks dishevelled and exhausted]'' :'''Lupin''': How do I look? Am I sexy? :''[He collapses]'' :'''Fujiko''': Oh, Lupin, what's happened to you? You look so thin! :'''Jigen''': The apple is actually a laxative to help with bulimia. :'''Fujiko''': That figures. After all the trouble to get it, it turned out to be a laxative. ==== Episode 17, Are You Really Getting Married? ==== :'''Jigen''': See? It's just like I said. ---- :'''Lupin''': So, Pops, can you do me one last favor? :'''Zenigata''': W-what? Why are you being so polite? :'''Lupin''': Well, you know, you're going to have us executed, so... I was wondering... Could you marry Fujiko and I first? :'''Fujiko''': Lupin... :'''Lupin''': Please, I beg you, Pops. :''[Zenigata thinks about it]'' :'''Fujiko''': I'd like to ask that of you as well, Inspector Zenigata. ''[to Lupin]'' To tell you the truth, I've loved you all the time. :'''Lupin''': Fujiko... ''[to Zenigata]'' See? Please, Pops. I beg you. :'''Zenigata''': Fine, I got it. I'll see what I can do. ==== Episode 23, The Beirut Mobile Bank Operation ==== :'''Bank manager''': This is my secretary. :'''Fujiko''': ''[disguised as a secretary]'' I was just bringing you drinks. :'''Zenigata''': ''[with an upturned glass on his head]'' So I see. ---- :'''Zenigata''': They brushed me off with some tissues. What do they take us for at Interpol? :''[He sniffs them]'' :'''Zenigata''': Hey, these smell pretty nice. Guess that's normal for a posh bank... ---- :'''Computer''': Physical characteristic: Bow-legged. :'''Lupin''': That's none of your business! ---- :'''Lupin''': Settle down and have one last smoke. :''[He genially hands Zenigata a cigarette. The Inspector sits down and takes the cigarette. Lupin lights it]'' :'''Computer''': Smoking is forbidden. :''[It sprays water in Zenigata's face]'' ==== Episode 24, Sleep Peacefully, My Friend==== :'''Lupin''': ''[cornered and out of bullets]'' Stupid Jigen! :''[Jigen arrives in a helicopter]'' :'''Jigen''': If you don't like me, I can flee solo. :'''Lupin''': Please don't, Jigen-san. ==== Episode 26, A Ghost in New York ==== :''[Goemon has fished out a skeleton from the Hudson river]'' :'''Goemon''': An unidentified corpse. And floating down the Hudson river. Poor fellow. I wish you a speedy journey. ''[As he starts to leave, the skeleton grabs his hakama]'' What are you doing? Stop haunting me or I'll slash you! ''[The skeleton winks flirtatiously. Goemon yells. He watches as the skeleton vanishes in a puff of smoke]'' A host? An illusion? ''[He looks at the bamboo flowerpot he had laid on the ground with trepidation]'' ---- :'''Lilly''': I do love older men. :'''Goemon''': O-O-Older men? ---- :''[Lupin catches one of the quintuplets in his arms]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[with hearts in his eyes]'' Hey, it's the cute babe from before! Seriously, what's your number? I've got to know! ''[She pushes Lupin away and slaps him]'' ==== Episode 29, Let's Go to the Honey-Moon ==== :'''Jigen''': ''[hearing Fujiko and Lupin plan to get married]'' Hmph. You should take a walk before you break his heart. ---- :'''Goemon''': ''[seeing a Daruma doll seemingly moving on its own]'' What power! ---- :'''Zenigata''': Open, sesame. :'''Door''': Please go away. :'''Zenigata''': ''[pounding the door]'' Open up! Open up! ... Open, carrot. :'''Door''': Please go away. :'''Zenigata''': Open, tomato. Open, green pepper! Open, potato! Open, burdock! :'''Door''': Please go away. :'''Zenigata''': Radish! Cabbage! Celery! Sweet potato! ---- :'''Goemon''': Mr. Robot, please tell me how to cast my chi. ''[The robot flees in the other direction]'' Mr. Robot! Please! ''[Goemon blocks its path]'' Please... I beg you! Please teach me! ---- :'''Zenigata''': I always knew she'd stab you in the back. You were betrayed by the woman and your pals and it left you ruined. You felt defeated, and your thoughts turned to suicide. ''[Lupin yawns]'' But then you heard a divine voice saying "Don't be hasty. ''[Lupin removes the handcuffs and plays with them]'' Is that right, Lupin? ''[Lupin yawns again, so hard that tears form in his eyes]'' Don't cry. Here you are. ''[He hands Lupin a handkerchief. He blows his nose]'' There's an old proverb about not shooting the bird who turns to you for help. Right? You know it? ''[He sees Lupin has placed the handkerchief over his hands and removes it, with his handcuffs back on his wrists]'' ==== Episode 32, 10 Million Dollar Key ==== :''[Zenigata has arrested Lupin for stealing a hamburger. Lupin lies on his prison bed while Zenigata drunkenly sits before his cell]'' :'''Zenigata''': I've been chasing you for ten years. And all that time I've never had a day of rest. Turning my back on my home, leaving my country, forsaking women... ''all to chase you!'' :'''Lupin''': ''[turning away]'' You don't get to pin the lack of girlfriends on me. :'''Zenigata''': B-b-By the way... ''[He falls onto his side]'' By the way... Why... Of all the shameful things you've done, Lupin... Why'd it have to be over a hamburger? This is beyond pathetic. :''[He passes out. Lupin looks over at Zenigata with a smile]'' :'''Lupin''': You really are a big softy, Pops. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Robbing a local bank? ''[He sneezes]'' Talk about lowering your standards. ---- :'''Jigen''': American cops aren't pushovers like the ones in Japan. ---- :'''Lupin''': There's no point in having a car as an ornament you can't drive. ---- :'''Lupin''': Everyone needs a break. Even master thieves. ---- :'''Lupin''': The President seems better suited to riding a horse than a car. ---- :'''Lupin''': Well, that saved us some trouble. They stole the car themselves. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Damn that Lupin! If I ever arrest him, I'll give him my cold! :'''Lupin''': ''[to himself, in the other room]'' That must be Pops! ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[reading Lupin's letter]'' "Your beloved Lupin", my ass. ---- :'''Zenigata''': I came here to have breakfast... I mean, arrest you. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[after Fujiko steals the car]'' Oh, whatever. ---- :'''Lupin''': "Ron"? "Zeni"? What are you, poker buddies? ==== Episode 33, A Boy Genius Plays a Dangerous Game ==== :'''Lupin''': Oh, it's Pops. It's weird seeing him play tag in a place like this after so long. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Lupin, are you after the boy, too? :'''Lupin''': As if! Like I'd get mixed up in something like this! ---- :'''Zenigata''': Freeze! :'''Lupin''': No way! ---- :''[At the New York ICPO headquarters, a poorly Zenigata sneezes loudly]'' :'''Zenigata''': ''[sneezing loudly]'' I will definitely catch Lupin... even if I have to sacrifice my life. ''[He sneezes again]'' :'''Chief''': I don't care about Lupin, Zenigata. It seems you don't understand how important this invention is. Anyway, bring back that boy Mikhail. ''[Zenigata blows his nose]'' He wants to use this invention to help starving people Africa and Asia. ''[Zenigata doesn't listen. He stows away his tissue, then takes out a piece of folded paper]'' That was the late Professor Kazanov's dying wish. If it winds up in corporate hands or those of a single government... ''[He realizes Zenigata is distracted]'' Are you listening, Zenigata? ''[Zenigata sneezes white powder into the chief's face]'' ==== Episode 34, Manhattan Crisis ==== :'''Zenigata''': ''[harried]'' ICPO hate putting people up on travel. They're so damn stingy on expenses. ---- :'''Lupin''': You say "pure love", but you mean "pure gold", don't you? ---- :'''Zenigata''': If I arrest Lupin know, they wouldn't know what to do with me! That's why I let him go on purpose. ---- :'''Lupin''': Sorry, I'm... Huh? You're still mad? :'''Goemon''': You woke me up from a nap. How could I be in a good mood after that? :'''Jigen''': Try taking your anger out on the mafia guys. ---- :'''Lupin''': I wish I could act like Elliot Ness! ---- :'''Thug''': Who are you? :'''Goemon''': We're the Shinsengumi! What? Oh no, Lupin's stupidity has rubbed off on me. ---- :'''Fujiko''': Where's Goemon? :'''Jigen''': He went off to crash. :'''Fujiko''': How can he sleep when there's eight million dollars waiting for him? ---- :'''Jigen''': Hey, Lupin. Did you order this thing? :''[Lupin finds that there's a grenade on the sandwich tray. He and Jigen race out the diner. Lupin presses his back to the door. The diner blows up. When the smoke clears, Lupin is unharmed, still with his back to the door. He stares ahead, face blank and numb with terror]'' :'''Lupin''': Delicious. ---- :''[Fleeing from the mafia, Lupin and Jigen run into a couple of policemen doing a stop-and-search] :'''Lupin''': Officer! Help! Help! Help! H- ''[He finds himself staring down the barrel of a cop's gun]'' Eh? ''[He quickly dodges before the cop fires and he and Jigen continue running down the street. The suspected felon fires at them along with the cops]'' Are they mafia, too? :'''Jigen''': Guess so. ---- :'''Lupin''': How many people are in the goddamn mob?! :'''Jigen''': Just assume it's everybody! ---- :'''Lupin''': Help us, Pops! :''[The mafia follow him and Jigen out of the manhole and chase them down the street]'' :'''Zenigata''': I'll help you when I've arrested you. ---- :''[Lupin and Jigen shelter together in a safe while Zenigata searches among the rubble]'' :'''Lupin''': Looks like we're stuck here for a while. :'''Jigen''': ''[dazed]'' Guess so. ---- :'''Goemon''': I'm tired. Bye. ---- :''[Zenigata sits before two wooden crosses he made for Lupin and Jigen]'' :'''Zenigata''': Why did you die and leave me on my own, Lupin? I... I loved chasing you. ''[He buries his face in his fist and cries]'' :'''Lupin''': Hey, Pops! What's up? Did someone die? :'''Zenigata''': Lupin! You're alive? ''[He dodges as Fujiko drives past him]'' :'''Fujiko''': Lupin! Wait for me! :'''Zenigata''': ''[overjoyed]'' Freeze, Lupin! You're under arrest! ==== Episode 38, The Little Mermaid ==== :'''Jigen''': Fujiko, in your vocabulary the word friends is just a synonym for money. ---- :'''Wallace''': Mr. Lupin is waiting for you. Please hurry. :''[He hands the Zantetsuken to Goemon]'' :'''Goemon''': Thank you. ''[Two officers run up to him. He imitates Zenigata]'' You fools! Hurry up and find him! He's escaped! :'''Officers''': Yes, sir! :''[Wallace and Goemon smile, then walk away. As they do so, Zenigata, lying under the rubble, flicks a tracking device onto the Zantetsuken]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': I can't go to heaven having been betrayed by my beloved Princess, can I? ---- :''[Lupin is carried off by a dolphin who is in love with him]'' :'''Lupin''': I don't wanna live underwater! Help me! Jigen? Goemon? Fujiko? Pops?! ==== Episode 39, The Gold To My Rival ==== :'''Zenigata''': Darn you, Lupin... Huh? I feel sleepy. ''[He muzzily makes out a group of masked men breaking into the armored car]'' Hey, wait! ''[A man grabs Zenigata by the arm and holds a knife to his throat]'' You're not Lupin's gang. ''[He bites the man's hand, causing him to scream in pain and lose his aqualung, and judo-throws him]'' Don't underestimate me. I, Zenigata, am not so easily... ''[He collapses by the wall, sedated by the gas and sound asleep]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': The culprit wasn't Lupin this time. He... :'''Chief''': I don't want to hear excuses! Zenigata, hurry up and find that gold, no matter ''who'' took it! :'''Zenigata''': ''[saluting]'' Understood, sir. ---- :'''Forensic scientist''': This is a "survival knife". It's used by special forces. :'''Zenigata''': Special forces... :'''Forensic scientist''': ''[pointing to an engraving on the knife]'' Look at this. :'''Zenigata''': Hmm, it's got an engraving. :'''Forensic scientist''': Yes. It's the serial number of the soldier who owned it. :'''Zenigata''': I see. ''[He dashes to the door]'' Thanks a bunch. You've been very helpful. :''[As he leaves, Jigen emerges from the locker]'' :'''Jigen''': I see. The gold robbers were special forces. :'''Lupin''': Yeah. No doubt. :'''Jigen''': ''[taking the knife]'' Still, he's not very bright to drop it. :'''Lupin''': Now, shall we go? '' :'''Jigen''': Right. :''[Lupin pulls off his mask just as Zenigata comes back in. He hastily pulls it back down]'' :'''Lupin''': W... What do you want? :'''Zenigata''': Huh? I thought I heard voices in here. Is everything OK? :''[He searches Lupin and stares suspiciously at him]'' :'''Lupin''': N... No, I'm just mumbling to myself. What do you want? :'''Zenigata''': Oh, right, right. Could you give me back the knife? :'''Lupin''': The knife? ''[He fumbles around for it]'' Knife, knife, where is that thing...? ''[Jigen's arm emerges from behind Lupin's coat with the knife]'' Oh, here. :'''Zenigata''': Ah, thanks. ''[He stands, wondering why the forensic scientist just grew a third arm. Lupin hastily shoves him out the door]'' :'''Lupin''': You got what you wanted, so get out and let me work! ''[He shuts the door]'' Phew. That was a close call. ---- :'''Lupin''': Thieves don't work during playtime. ---- :'''Zenigata''': "Cool my head"? Asshole. ---- :'''Jigen''': By the way, Lupin, what is this? :'''Lupin''': It's a missile. :'''Jigen''': What?! :'''Lupin''': I "borrowed" it from the armory! :'''Jigen''': Get me off this thing! :''[The missile crashes into a forest. The men emerge in one piece from a pond]'' :'''Lupin''': You still alive, Jigen? :'''Jigen''': Our partnership is over. ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[clinging awkwardly to an airborne plane]'' That's it! No more team-ups! :'''Lupin''': But aren't you comfortable? ==== Episode 41, A Night Under Martial Law ==== :'''Goemon''': It was careless of you to abandon us for a woman. :'''Jigen''': Lupin's habits are rubbing off on me. ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[holding Lupin's face in a caressing manner to examine the scratch on his cheek]'' Is that a new wound? :'''Lupin''': Yes, very new. :''[The two men gaze at each other and share a smile]'' :'''Goemon''': Idiots. :''[Lupin and Jigen touch each other's faces, then laugh]'' ==== Episode 44, Our Papa is a Thief ==== :'''Goemon''': ''[disguised as a construction worker]'' At least we're lucky this isn't Japan. No one I know will see me like this. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''(loudly singing)'' ''For the sake of my honey, I'm old-fashioned, aren't I? For the sake of the jewels, yeah-ho!'' ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[raising his voice to a chicken-like squawk]'' Damn, Lupin! You finally got someone knocked up! :'''Goemon''': ''[to the flabbergasted Lupin]'' It is rather unlike you to leave evidence behind. :'''Lupin''': It's a lie, it's a lie, it's a lie! I've. Been. Framed! I've never met this Mary! :'''Jigen''': ''[leaning into Lupin's face]'' You sure about that? :'''Lupin''': Pretty sure. ---- :'''Goemon''': You are a man of the world, aren't you? :'''Lupin''': ''[sheepishly]'' Well... a bit... ---- :''[Lupin calls Fujiko]'' :'''Fujiko''': I told you, we're not teaming up. :'''Lupin''': It's not that. I need a woman's nursing hand. ''[He sees Mark and Vivian playing with Lupin's Walther and Jigen's Magnum]'' Shut up! That's not a toy! ''[He and Jigen snatch their weapons back]'' :'''Fujiko''': ''[hearing the commotion of children]'' Lupin, are you hiding in a kindergarten? :'''Lupin''': No. OUCH! :''[Over in a truck, Zenigata listens in on the conversation]'' :'''Fujiko''': Well, I'm too busy to help, plus I don't want to. :'''Lupin''': Please, Fujicakes! We're in an apartment in the East Village! :'''Fujiko''': No! :''[She hangs up]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[crying]'' I didn't know that thieves with children even existed! On the contrary, I... :'''Lupin''': Don't cry on me, Pops! :'''Zenigata''': Having spent my life chasing this fool, I never even found a wife! I don't even have any darling children! My fate won't allow it! :'''Lupin''': What snapped in Pops? :'''Jigen''': Apparently he wants a family. :'''Goemon''': Poor soul. :'''Jigen''': This is our chance to run. :''[They back away from the poor, lonely Inspector and make a break for it]'' :'''Zenigata''': I want a wife! I want kids! ---- :'''Goemon''': No matter how we look at it, there's no way Jigen or I have children. :'''Jigen''': Right. No chance of that there. Though in your case... :'''Lupin''': Please, stop talking like that. ---- :'''Fujiko''': We both need to escape! :'''Lupin''': ''[sarcastically]'' Thanks for thinking of me! ---- :'''Jigen''': You look good in drag. :'''Goemon''': Shut it already. ==== Episode 46, Soaring on Scrap Wings ==== :'''Lupin''': ''[imitating Fujiko]'' "Lupin, I want the Hina dolls. Let's have a Hina doll party, just you and me." Let's light the lantern! Lantern, lantern! :'''Jigen''': ''[scoffing]'' Too silly for me. ---- :''[The plane crashes, with Zenigata inside]'' :'''Jigen''': Aw man, the old man finally bit it. :'''Fujiko''': I feel a bit sorry for him. :'''Lupin''': ''[devoutly clasping his hands together as he floats into the sea]'' Well, he's got a special reservation on his arrival in heaven. ---- :'''Zenigata''': I'm glad you saved my life, but the problem is we can't communicate. == Lupin the Third Part V == [[File:083-face-with-monocle.svg|thumb|[[Thieves]] are in the [[shadows]], [[all]]'s [[right]] with the [[world]].]] * [[Thieves]] are in the [[shadows]], [[all]]'s [[right]] with the [[world]]. ** Smart monocle activation code; derived from ''[[w:Pippa Passes|Pippa Passes]]'' by [[Robert Browning]], (1841) == About ''{{PAGENAME}}'' == [[File:Giacche_Lupin_III.jpg|thumb|In a word, he’s all about “[[freedom]]”, isn’t he. I think this makes him a reflection of what we’d like to be ourselves. ~ Monkey Punch]] [[File:Walther_P38_(6971798779).jpg|thumb|He's a nice man <br> But he's cool <br> You know, he uses [[w:Walther P38|Walther]] <br> Yeah <br> The machine cries, <br> "Bang bang." <br> Yeah, he's the Lupin the Third. <br> Nice man <br> Yeah, he smiles <br> And he gets angry... sometimes. <br> But... he's a groovy guy. ~ Tokyo Movie Kikabuku]] * Lupin the Third is [[James Bond]] meets [[Charlie's Angels]] with [[Scooby-Doo]] sensibilities. ** Rob Lineberger. [https://web.archive.org/web/20140311223826/http://www.dvdverdict.com/reviews/lupinthe3rd.php "Lupin The Third: The World's Most Wanted Review"], ''DVD Verdict'', (May 21, 2003). *'''Interviewer''': Lupin’s [[charming]] isn’t he… :'''Monkey Punch''': In a word, he’s all about “[[freedom]]”, isn’t he. I think this makes him a reflection of what we’d like to be ourselves. :* Monkey Punch as quoted by [https://wavemotioncannon.com/2017/08/08/lupin-iii-a-short-interview-with-monkey-punch-animage-071978/ "Lupin III – A Short Interview With Monkey Punch"], Kazuhiko Kato, ''Animage'', (07/1978) * The world's richest man isn't a [[w:Rothchild|Rothchild]] or a [[w:Rockefeller|Rockefeller]]. It's Lupin! ** "Uncover the Secret of Tsukikage Castle"/"The Riddle of Tsukikage Castle", (June 12, 1978), written by Mon Shichijo * [A] crazy, groovy 1960s world of dynamite and backstabbing, hippies and gangsters. ** Jason Thompson. "Manga: The Complete Guide". New York, New York: Del Rey. (October 9, 2007). p. 196. * [A] fascinating homage to [[Mad (magazine)|Mad magazine]] and a four star example of comics as pure [[comedy]]. ** Jason Thompson. "Manga: The Complete Guide". New York, New York: Del Rey. (October 9, 2007). p. 196. * Lupin <br> He's a nice man <br> But he's cool <br> You know, he uses Walther <br> Yeah <br> The machine cries, <br> "Bang bang." <br> Yeah, he's the Lupin the Third. <br> Nice man <br> Yeah, he smiles <br> And he gets angry... sometimes. <br> But... he's a groovy guy. ** "Nice Guy Lupin", composed by Takeo Yamashita and performed by Charlie Corsey, written by Tokyo Movie Kikabuku, (January 30, 1972) === "Interview Monkey Punch" (November 13th 2003) === <small> [[w:Monkey Punch|Monkey Punch]], [http://www.animenewsnetwork.com/feature/2003-11-13 "Interview Monkey Punch"], ''Anime News Network'', (November 13th 2003) </small> * Actually, it's kind of interesting. I think men and women in general as... rather than saying tease, say they enjoy each other. They use their attributes; Fujiko uses her beautiful body and her sex appeal as a weapon and Lupin uses his cunning and his wit as a weapon and they like going at it with each other in a fun sense. Not necessarily lovers, not necessarily husband and wife, but more just having fun as man and woman with each other and using their weapons against each other, but in an enjoyable way. That's how I think of that. * When I started drawing Lupin thirty-six years ago, I was really only supposed to draw him for 3 months. It was more of only a contract project. At the end of that 3 months, it became popular and I continued drawing it for 10 years. And over that time, I never expected that I'd be invited to America multiple times, to attend these conventions, have so many fans and people that have read my works and have come to talk to me and express their gratitude. It's really an amazing feeling and at the same time it's bizarre in a way. I don't understand the popularity. I'm happy for it, but I don't understand it. * I would probably have to say as far as inspirations are concerned, maybe some of the more famous mystery works, just worldly mystery works. I think they probably helped me out creating my stories quite a bit. <br> Even things like, you know, Treasure Island or Monte Crisco, I think even those works influenced me quite a bit. I even enjoyed reading about D'Artagnan from the Three Musketeers. It might be my own analysis, but I even feel that Lupin might be very similar to D'Artagnan. M'lady the character that comes out from the D'Artagnan stories, I think that person might even be similar to Fujiko. So, those kinds of works I really think they did affect me at an early age. == External links == {{wikipedia}} [[Category:Japanese TV shows]] [[Category:Science fiction TV shows]] [[Category:Fantasy TV shows]] 1t443nexd3wo0n6ugg2wzfakb4xplqo 3778750 3778749 2025-07-14T16:12:02Z 147.147.131.144 /* Episode 7, Tutankhamun's 3,000 Year-Old Curse */ 3778750 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Lupin_III_logo.svg|thumb|'''Lupin the Third''']] '''''Lupin III'''''(Nihongo: ルパン三世|Rupan Sansei), also written as '''Lupin the Third''' or '''Lupin the 3rd''', is a [[Japanese]] [[w:manga|manga]] series written and illustrated by [[w:Monkey Punch|Monkey Punch]]. It follows the escapades of master [[thief]] [[w:Arsène Lupin III|Arsene Lupin III]], the grandson of [[w:Arsène Lupin|Arsene Lupin]], the [[w:gentleman thief|gentleman thief]] of [[Maurice Leblanc]]'s series of novels. == Quotations from the series == === Lupin The Third Part I === ==== Episode 1, Is Lupin Burning...? ==== :'''Zenigata''': Lupin, how many years has it been, chasing you like this? It's in my blood. It's my fate. If you weren't the grandson of Arsene Lupin, and if I weren't a descendant of Heiji Zenigata... I'll catch you for sure some day. ---- :'''Lupin''': Well, hello, Fujiko. How are you? :'''Fujiko''': ''[clothes torn and tickling hands all over her]'' I'm not exactly tickled pink, Lupin. ---- :'''Zenigata''': You fool! What, do you think you'll stop me? :'''Fujiko''': Not at all. But stay here if you don't want to die. ==== Episode 2, The Man They Call a Magician ==== :'''Lupin''': I'm hungry. :'''Jigen''': Sorry, but we only have food for me, not for you. :'''Lupin''': The octopus? Forget about that. ---- :'''Jigen''': Man, this glass sure can be a pain. ==== Episode 3, Farewell My Beloved Witch==== :'''Lupin''': Linda, my sweet! :'''Jigen''': The hell? Did he just say "Linda, my sweet"? I can't do this... ---- :'''Lupin''': "Attack your prey swiftly and disappear like the wind", right? ---- :'''Lupin''': The missile. A nuclear warhead! ''[Close to tears, he places a hand on the missile]'' Linda had to die for something as stupid as this. ''[He quietly weeps into the missile]'' ---- :'''Jigen''': This is why I keep telling you to be careful of women. :'''Lupin''': I got it, I got it. Don't nag so much. ==== Episode 4, One Chance to Breakout ==== :'''Doctor''': That man is something else. :'''Zenigata''': Well, he won't be for much longer. After all, he's going be executed. ''[He imagines himself at Lupin's trial]'' Death penalty! Death is the only suitable sentence for Lupin the Third! I devoted my entire life to capturing Lupin! I came into being solely so I could arrest him! He should be executed! Death penalty! Death! ''[Next he imagines Lupin being executed in various ways]'' The verdict: I sentence Lupin the Third to death! ''[He imagines Lupin crying pitifully at his trial. In his office, Zenigata sweats and anxiously buries his face in his hands as he wonders if this is what he really wants]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': Jigen, are you just going to let Lupin die?! ---- :'''Zenigata''': I guess this is finally goodbye. ''[He meets the officer's gaze]'' I mean, this world will finally be peaceful. ==== Episode 5, The Coming of Goemon the Thirteenth ==== :'''Lupin''': Dang it! Goemon Ishikawa the First was boiled to death! So I figured this Goemon would be weak against fire! That's the whole reason I prepared the fuel! But ''nooo''! :'''Jigen''': Enough with the braying. What are you, a donkey? ---- :'''Fujiko''': Oh, Lupin! I'm so glad. So, are you going to help me? :'''Jigen''': ''[rolling over on the couch]'' Hmph! This is ridiculous. ==== Episode 9, Killer Sings the Blues ==== :'''Goemon''': He's late! :'''Jigen''': ''[sulking on a chair and frustratedly throwing darts at a heart-shaped target]'' Yeah. Late. :'''Goemon''': What could he be doing before a job? :'''Jigen''': Hung up on a woman, most likely. :'''Goemon''': If that's the case, what are you going to do? :'''Jigen''': I've had enough. We're through! ''[He throws a dart at the door just as it's being opened. Lupin catches the dart in his hand. Jigen brightens]'' You're late! ---- :'''Fujiko''': What a square. ---- :'''Goemon''': Where's Lupin? :'''Jigen''': ''[feigning apathy]'' Don't care. ''[The walkie talkie buzzes. Once again, Jigen's mood brightens]'' Oh, it's him. ---- :''[Jigen sees Lupin tied up in his underwear with a huge bump on his head]'' :'''Jigen''': Huh? Where's the woman? :'''Lupin''': She ran away. :''[Jigen bursts into laughter]'' :'''Jigen''': This is priceless! :'''Lupin''': Laugh it up. ==== Episode 11, When the Seventh Bridge Falls==== :''[Jigen sneezes]'' :'''Lupin''': Are you cold? :'''Jigen''': Of course. I wanna get home and take a nice hot bath. :'''Lupin''': Then you better return this. :''[He passes the bomb back to the shivering Jigen]'' :'''Jigen''': Huh? You're heartless. :'''Lupin''': Just do it. :''[He pushes the complaining gunman back into the water]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': She was such a nice girl. :'''Jigen''': ''[throwing Lupin out of the boat]'' Go back there by yourself, then. ==== Episode 13, Beware the Time Machine ==== :'''Lupin''': ''[to Jigen]'' You sure made one sexy maid, too! ---- :'''Fukuroko''': Well, Inspector, would it make you happy if I were Lupin? :'''Zenigata''': Huh? ''[He bursts into derisive laughter]'' :'''Fukuroko''': What if I'd switched places with the real Fukuroko when you left the room earlier? ''[Zenigata stops laughing]'' And what if all the cops here... ''[He reveals his own voice]'' :'''Lupin''': ... Happened to be my men? ''[Zenigata sees the cops dropping their masks and grinning. He charges forward]'' :'''Zenigata''': Lupin! ''[Lupin blows thick smoke from the cigar]'' Damn it, Lupin! ---- :''[Lupin finds Jigen sitting in the middle of a room cluttered with books, perusing obsessively]'' :'''Lupin''': Hey, Jigen, will you quit this already? Forget about that loon. ''[Jigen walks off to the side]'' Hmph. Fine. I'll just take Goemon with me for this next job. Hey, Goemon! Goemon! ''[To Lupin's chagrin, Goemon appears from the pile of books, likewise perusing the volumes]'' :'''Goemon''': What? :'''Lupin''': Well now, Goemon. :'''Goemon''': I'm certain I've heard of Kyousuke Mamou as well. :''[Lupin goes to the front room, sits down in an armchair and puts his feet on the table]'' :'''Lupin''': You gotta be kidding me. Mamou, Mamou, Lupin the 13th, the year two-thousand something... This ain't a sci-fi manga. :''[Some time later, Lupin sleeps in the armchair. As though in a dream, he hears Mamou's voice speaking to him]'' :'''Mamou''': Allow me to explain, Lupin. I have conquered the fourth dimension. Behold. With this time machine, I can traverse the temporal plane, past or future. And I saw it. ''[A frown forms on the slumbering thief's face]'' I saw my descendants kill your descendants. It all occurs about nine hundred years from now. ''[Lupin moans softly]'' Still don't believe me? Then I'll tell you my date of birth. It's November 18th, 1932. :''[Lupin wakes up, and sits up in confusion]'' :'''Lupin''': November 18th, 1932... Yeesh! What a lousy dream. ''[He goes to the window and stares contemplatively out of it. Jigen and Goemon enter the room]'' :'''Jigen''': Hey, Lupin, we found it. Listen up. Kyousuke Mamou, a scientist. Sci-fi author and recipient of the Hugo award. His passion lies in the fourth dimension, especially the study of time and space, but he went mad in 1966. :'''Goemon''': While institutionalised in the city's psychiatric hospital, he declared the world was in crisis, and built a time machine, his version of Noah's Ark. He is currently traveling in time. :'''Lupin''': What's his date of birth? :'''Goemon''': Date of birth? Yes, it's here. November 18th, 1932. :'''Lupin''': ''[smirking]'' Quite interesting, Mr. Kyousuke Mamou. ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[to Fujiko]'' Lupin's in a bit of a serious mood right now. He's up against a man who travels the fourth dimension, one Kyousuke Mamo. We're afraid of him, too. ''[Lupin flies into a rage and hurls a machete past them]'' :'''Lupin''': BULLCRAP! Did I ever say I was afraid? Hell no! You think I'd take that lunatic's threat seriously? ''[He grabs Fujiko]'' Come with me, Fujiko dear. ''[He races off down the road with her in his Mercedes to take her on a date and forget about the lunatic]'' ---- :''[Fujiko watches Lupin sitting dejectedly on a hill outside the church]'' :'''Fujiko''': Lupin... :''[Lupin answers with a groan]'' :'''Lupin''': It's frustrating, but... this is hopeless. :''[He trudges over to Fujiko]'' :'''Lupin''': Fujiko... :''[He kneels in front of Fujiko, buries his face into her and starts crying. Suddenly, he hears church bells ringing and gets an idea]'' :'''Lupin''': Fujiko... marry me! :'''Fujiko''': What? :'''Lupin''': [desperately] I only have three more days. This is my last wish. :''[Fujiko blinks, confused]'' :'''Lupin''': Please. We'll just do the ceremony. Please, Fujiko. :''[He beseechingly puts his hands together]'' :'''Lupin''': Please. :'''Fujiko''': You really love me that much? :'''Lupin''': Yes! :'''Fujiko''': Then... okay. :'''Lupin''': ''[spirits lifted]'' Really? Alright! ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[shaking Goemon roughly]'' Hey, Goemon! Why the hell didn't you help him? :'''Goemon''': And what exactly did you do to help? :''[Jigen, distraught, buries his face in the table]'' :'''Jigen''': Lupin... Lupin... :'''Goemon''': Don't cry, Jigen. ''[Despite this, Jigen starts to cry anyway]'' I'll avenge him. :''[Jigen looks up at Goemon indignantly]'' :'''Jigen''': Idiot! You're too old-fashioned! He's in the Fourth Dimension! The 29th Century! What can an Edo Period guy like you do? If Mr. Edo Period could do something, Lupin would most likely have done something himself. :''[He continues crying into the table]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[from behind the aquarium]'' Edo Period, huh? How insightful of you two. You've given me a great idea. :''[Goemon and Jigen stare at Lupin in shock. Jigen breaks out into a cold sweat]'' :'''Jigen''': ''[eyes streaming with fresh tears]'' Lupin... :'''Lupin''': Well, you see, I was worried that people would miss me when I was gone, so I hid for a bit. ''[He chuckles]'' :'''Jigen''': ''[angry at Lupin for scaring him]'' Damn you, Lupin! ==== Episode 14, The Emerald's Secret ==== :'''Lupin''': ''[seeing Zenigata dance with a disguised Fujiko]'' He's a superb dancer. Very manly, dynamic, simple. ==== Episode 16, Operation Jewel Snatch ==== :'''Fujiko''': ''[to Lupin]'' Your grandfather, Arsène Lupin, would never let anything slip from his grasp. :'''Jigen''': Can't disagree with you there. ---- :'''Beaver''': The emergency alarm! Call the police! :'''Jigen''': Don't make a racket. ''[He pushes Beaver so that his rear is stuck to the floor, and tapes his mouth]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': Beaver, we know you've been smuggling jewels. ==== Episode 17, Lupin Caught in a Trap ==== :'''Lupin''': Oh, come on, Jigen. Don't look so cranky. :'''Jigen''': ''[defensively]'' I was born cranky. ==== Episode 22, The First Move Computer Wins Operation ==== :'''Zenigata''': ''[near tears]'' Damn that Lupin, acting all high and mighty. :'''Chief''': Inspector, calm down. :'''Zenigata''': ''[anxious]'' But... === Lupin III Part II === ==== Episode 1, The Dashing Entrance of Lupin III ==== :'''Jigen''': ''[respectfully taking off his hat]'' These are hard times for innocent bystanders. What kind of amateur are we dealing with? ---- :''[Lupin, Jigen, Goemon and Fujiko sit on a raft in the middle of the ocean after the liner meant to trap them sinks]'' :'''Fujiko''': It's unbelievable. A billion dollars, it's all gone. Sunk in the ocean, for what? All for revenge. What a waste. :'''Lupin''': I just can't get over it. Old Pops, the constant pain in the rear, who hounded me across seven continents, is gone forever. It's really true what they say in the song, you don't know what you got until it's gone. :'''Jigen''': ''[crossing himself]'' Everybody's gotta go sometime. It's all just a long goodbye, Lupin. :'''Goemon''': Zenigata is now with his ancestors. :''[All four have a moment of silent prayer]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[choking up]'' Poor Pops. :'''Zenigata''': Lupin, you weasel! We had a deal! Get your butt over here! :''[The four of them see Zenigata riding a turtle]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[relieved]'' Pops! Is that you? We thought you were dead! Oh, I could kiss you, ya big lug! Let's get out of here, guys! The chase is on again! Woo-hoo! :''[The gang paddles the raft to New York City. Zenigata spurs the turtle forward, but it throws him off]'' :'''Zenigata''': Wait, Lupin! ==== Episode 2, A Bouquet of Bills Blossoms in Rio's Sunset ==== :'''Jail Security Guard''': Hey, knock it off in there! That tapping's driving me crazy! :'''Lupin''': Oh, sorry there, pal. But you're not officially crazy until you go... BLEH! BLEH! BLEH! ==== Episode 3, Hitler's Legacy ==== :'''Lupin''': ''[shivering and sneezing]'' I still don't get why it took you guys twenty minutes to haul me back on board! :'''Fujiko''': Actually, we could've had you out a lot sooner, lover, but everybody agreed that cold water was exactly what was needed to cure your... voyeurism. :'''Jigen''': In fact, we're gonna keep some handy. :'''Lupin''': Very funny. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[about Genhalter]'' The bad news is he's in East Berlin. :'''Fujiko''': What? East Berlin? Isn't that a little ironic? :'''Lupin''': War's over, guy says, "Hey, they may be Commies, but at least they're fellow homicidal totalitarians." ---- :''[Japanese original]'' :'''Lupin''': Maybe I'll just become a little birdie! ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[seized by West Berlin police]'' Hey, get off me! I almost had him this time, but what the hell do you care?! I know, you're only following orders! "Sieg heil!" ---- :'''Lupin''': I oughta take Rip Van Schickelgruber here and throw him back over the wall! ---- :'''Lupin''': Hey, ladies! This way! We got a rich widower with a heart condition! ---- :'''Zenigata''': Now, be a pal and pose with those transvestites. Come on, it's for my scrapbook. :'''Officer''': I'd never do that. I'm a police officer. :'''Zenigata''': Fine, fine, whatever. But don't just stand there like a big stiff. Smile at least, or something. Come on. :'''Officer''': This ''is'' my smile. :'''Zenigata''': ''[dryly]'' Big surprise. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[seeing the report cards]'' This was his secret stash?! He murders half the world and he's ashamed of ''this''?!? ==== Episode 4, I Can Hear Nessie's Song ==== :'''Goemon''': For Buddha's sake, Lupin, have some dignity. ---- :''[Lupin sees Fujiko being abducted by Dr. Oz]'' :'''Lupin''': Fujiko! Fujiko, hold on! I'm coming! ''[He grabs the oars]'' Come on, Jigen, we gotta help her! :''[He starts rowing at speed, causing Jigen to almost fall out and nearly drop the scotch]'' :'''Jigen''': Hey, hey, hey! The scotch! Who-o-oah! :''[Over on the boat, Fujiko feebly protests]'' :'''Fujiko''': No! Let go of me! :'''Dr. Oz''': Faster! Let's go! :''[Lupin rows frantically, inadvertently tossing Jigen up and down]'' :'''Lupin''': Fujiko! Fujiko! Fujiko! :'''Jigen''': ''[simultaneously]'' Uh! Ow! Oh! :'''Fujiko''': Lupin, help! :''[Dr. Oz turns the boat around. Lupin approaches it in the rowboat]'' :'''Lupin''': Don't worry! I'm coming! Here I am! :''[He swings at one of the men and hits him on the head]'' :'''Jigen''': Hey! Take it easy! I'm getting seasick! :''[A wave from the boat capsizes Lupin's small rowboat. Dr. Oz's motorboat drives away]'' :'''Fujiko''': Lupin! :''[Lupin and Jigen lie across the capsized boat]'' :'''Lupin''': Jigen! Get 'em, get 'em, get 'em! :'''Jigen''': ''[aiming his pistol]'' Hang on. I can't get a beat on 'em. :'''Lupin''': Come on! They're getting away! Shoot 'em, willya? :''[He impatiently hits Jigen over the head with an oar]'' :'''Lupin''': Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! :''[He looks over at Jigen, who is lying, dazed, across the capsized boat]'' :'''Lupin''': Oops. Sorry, pal. ---- :'''Goemon''': ''[after saving Lupin and Jigen from being taken out by an assassin]'' It's a good thing that one of us wasn't sleeping on the job. ---- :''Lupin suddenly cries out. Jigen shoves him to the ground as bullets rain over them]'' :'''Jigen''': Damn it! What in the hell is the matter with you, Lupin? :'''Lupin''': Matter?! What's the matter?! Ask my damn butt! :''[Lupin has a bear trap on his behind]'' :'''Jigen''': Ooh, that's gotta hurt. These guys are good. I mean, well, you know. ---- :''[Goemon pulls at the bear trap on Lupin's behind]'' :'''Lupin''': Ow! Easy, Goemon! :'''Goemon''': Transcend it. :''[Goemon pulls the thing free, ripping off the back of Lupin's pants in the process]'' :'''Lupin''': "Transcend it", my ass! :'''Goemon''': Ah, the old exploding bear trap in the ass trick. ''[He throws away the bear trap and it explodes]'' :'''Lupin''': ''ANYBODY HERE NOT TRYING TO KILL ME?!'' :'''Goemon''': Sorry. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Yep, that sedative would stop a Brahman bull. Prepare to be roped, tied and branded, little dogie. You can sleep it off on your way to prison, on a nice long flight. Not much legroom, but you won't notice. ''[He imagines wheeling a suitcase through the airport, with a dazed Lupin crammed inside. Zenigata imagines himself getting out a syringe]'' A little more? Just say no to drugs, kids. ''[He imagines himself injecting Lupin with the liquid and the thief passing out. Back in reality, he searches for where to aim]'' :'''Zenigata''': Head... neck... shoulder... heart... ''[He sets the crosshairs on Lupin's navel]'' Ah, perfect! There we go. :''[He fires the tranquilizer dart. Goemon rushes in and deflects the dart]'' :'''Zenigata''': Huh? ''[The dart hits Zenigata's forehead]'' ''Ow!!'' :'''British Officer''': You alright, sir? :''[Zenigata sits there, stunned. A dazed smile forms on his face]'' :'''Zenigata''': ''Yyyyeeeeessss, just fiiine.'' :'''British Officer''': Inspector Zenigata! ''[Zenigata yawns]'' Bloody hell. ''[Zenigata falls over backwards and passes out]'' ''Now'' what do I do? ---- :'''Jigen''': Uh, Lupin? I take it back. What I said about Nessie. :'''Lupin''': You? Yeah. Gimme a break. :'''Jigen''': No, really. I've been skeptical about the whole thing, but I'm starting to come around to your point of view. :'''Lupin''': Oh, really? And what brought about this conversion? :'''Jigen''': Oh, I don't know. Probably this fifty-foot sea serpent here. :'''Lupin''': Yeah, yeah. Very... ''[He turns around and finds that Jigen is absolutely correct]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': Help! I'm being eaten by a quaint folk legend! ---- :'''Dr. Oz''': What a touching tableau. I'm all choked up. :'''Jigen''': Not enough, if you ask me. :'''Dr. Oz''': I'd say that beard disqualifies you from weighing in on matters of taste. :'''Jigen''': Hey! Come on down here and say that! ---- :'''Lupin''': Smart guy like you? You really thought Nessie would be attracted to this tin can? :'''Dr. Oz''': Her mating habits are obscure. :'''Lupin''': I'm guessing yours must be too if you really thought this lame plan would work. :'''Dr. Oz''': You can bait me all you like, but it's all moot since your friend charmed Nessie for me. :'''Jigen''': Thanks a lot, Fujiko. :'''Fujiko''': Don't blame me. :'''Lupin''': It's, uh, kind of funny, you know? :''[He and Jigen burst out laughing]'' :'''Dr. Oz''': What is so amusing? :'''Fujiko''': I happen to have a nice singing voice! :'''Lupin''': It's just that it's not the first of your charms that comes to mind. :'''Fujiko''': Oh God, you're hopeless. :''[She knees Lupin in the chin]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': Fujiko, keep singing! ''Mother, father, please believe me, every word is true. I just glimpsed a...'' :''[The Loch Ness Monster heads back underwater]'' :'''Lupin''': Uh-oh, I don't think he likes my rendition very much. ==== Episode 5, I'll Show You How to Transport Gold Bullion ==== :'''Lupin''': You keep trying, Pops. At least the law of averages is on your side, if nothing else. ---- :''[The gang arrive in Nice and trudges along the Promenade des Anglais]'' :'''Jigen''': Oh man, I am so glad to be out of that friggin' forest. :'''Lupin''': Walking all night, starving to death, I can't take another step... Whoa, a restaurant! Woo-hoo! ==== Episode 6, Is the Leaning Tower of Pisa Standing? ==== :'''Lupin''': Of course it's leaning, Jigen. It's just, after all that chianti, you are, too. :'''Jigen''': Oh. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Lupin! ''[He finds he's sitting on a dolphin's back. It dives into the water]'' Hey! ''[It dives back out again]'' Whoa! Cut it out! I'm on official business here! Whoa! ''[And it dives in and out again]'' Stop! I'm serious! ''[And again]'' I'll get you for this, Lupi- ''[And again]'' How do you turn this thing off? ==== Episode 7, Tutankhamun's 3,000 Year-Old Curse ==== :'''Jigen''': Inshallah, you two. ''[He exits, then pops his head back around the door]'' That basically means "good friggin' luck", pal. ---- :'''Zenigata''': I need a seat on the next direct flight to Cairo. :'''Clerk''': If that's your idea of a joke, sir, it's not appreciated. :'''Zenigata''': Listen, I don't know what the hell you're talking about, pal, but I need a... :'''Clerk''': This is an Israeli airport, sir. There are no direct flights to any Arab country. :''[Enraged, Zenigata grabs the clerk by his shoulders]'' :'''Zenigata''': Look, you, this is the last time I'm gonna ask you nicely. Get me a flight to Cairo! :'''Clerk''': Security! Hurry! We've got a lunatic! :''[The guards beat Zenigata and drag him away]'' :'''Zenigata''': No! Wait! Please! I'm one of the good guys, really! ---- :'''Jigen''': I know we're superstitious, but are we ''this'' superstitious? ---- :'''Goemon''': The sun sets, and the sun rises again. :'''Jigen''': The same sun the Pharaohs worshipped thousands of years ago. :''[Fujiko enters onto the deck, carrying the mask]'' :'''Fujiko''': Yes. You know our lives really are just the blink of an eye. :''[The guys notice Fujiko. All pause thoughtfully.]'' :'''Jigen''': How's he doing down there, anyway? :'''Fujiko''' Once he knew we were heading for the Valley of the Kings, he smiled and fell fast asleep. :'''Goemon''': Fujiko, is that the...? :''[Fujiko nods]'' :'''Fujiko''': I'm so ashamed of myself. I just hope it's not too late to return it. ''[Jigen and Goemon stare at her perspicaciously]'' He fell asleep in my arms, babbling and shivering. It was unbearable, seeing him like that, frail and frightened. He was clinging to me like a newborn baby. ---- :'''Fujiko''' The blood on the cuffs is his. He had to yank his hands free. You know as well as I do, Inspector, that if Lupin were in his right mind, he could just slip right out of them. :'''Zenigata''': You know, you got a point there. So, then, where would he be? :'''Fujiko''': He must be in the Valley of the Kings. :''[She covers her mouth as she realizes she just tipped off Zenigata. A broad, gleeful smile spreads across Zenigata's face]'' :'''Zenigata''': Much obliged, Fujiko. ---- :'''Lupin''': So, how was I? As a king? :'''Fujiko''': Sick and scary. :'''Lupin''': I mean, you know, before that. :'''Fujiko''': Oh, you want to know about... :'''Lupin''': Uh-huh. :'''Fujiko''': No, you didn't bring out the concubine in me. ''[Lupin is crestfallen]'' You were goofy. You should have seen yourself. :'''Lupin''': Damn! ==== Episode 8, The Venice Superexpress ==== :'''Lupin''': ''[in disguise]'' Hey, train dudes! Like, wait up, y'know? ---- :'''Lupin''': Hey, Jigen, listen up. Remember that map? :'''Jigen''': M-hm. Yeah. What about it? :'''Lupin''': You must have left it at the hotel. Zenigata found it and he's on the train. :'''Jigen''': What? Really? Nah. That's impossible. I'd never make a rookie mistake like that. :'''Goemon''': There's a simple way to resolve this. :''[Jigen sighs and searches his own jacket]'' :'''Jigen''': Yeah, sure, I got it right he- Where the hell is it? Aw, man. :'''Lupin''': Don't sweat it. Pops'll be looking for us, and luckily we're in disguise. I'm sure he's clueless about Martino. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Guess we're sharing this compartment. Come on, sit down. :'''Lupin''': Uh, no, man. It's like, you know... later! ''[He opens the next door, and finds Fujiko changing]'' Yeah! ''[She throws her shoe at him]'' :'''Fujiko''': Dirty hippy! :''[Zenigata peers out the doorway of his compartment. Lupin, seeing him, quickly gets up, whistles to himself with feigned innocence and hastily ducks into his own compartment]'' :'''Zenigata''': I could swear I heard a woman scream out here. ''[He heads to Fujiko's compartment and peers inside]'' Excuse me, but I thought... ''[Fujiko screams and throws her other shoe at Zenigata]'' Oww. ''[He reveals a shoe print on his face from where Fujiko hit him]'' ---- :'''Fujiko''': ''[in disguise]'' So, you're actually on a case, Inspector? How exciting! :'''Zenigata''': Oh, yeah? Exactly how excited are you? :''[Fujiko gasps at his tone. Zenigata reveals himself, without taking off his mask, to be Lupin in disguise]'' :'''Lupin''': You know, that jockey's outfit back there was giving me ideas. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Why, you're Lupin! Hold it right there! :'''Lupin''': Nope. ---- :'''Fujiko''': Lupin, listen! You gotta get out of there! You're gonna crash on that bridge up ahead! :'''Lupin''': Get over there first and blow up the bridge! :'''Fujiko''': No, you're insane! Don't do it! You're gonna plunge into the gorge! :'''Lupin''': Just do it, willya? Not that I don't appreciate your concern, sweetheart. :'''Fujiko''': ''[acting like a tsundere]'' Did you think I was talking about you? It's the loot I'm worried about! :''[Lupin reacts with frustration]'' ==== Episode 9, What Do You Think of the Ukiyo-e Blues ==== :'''Sharaku''': Water. Please, I... :''[He grabs Jigen's scotch]'' :'''Jigen''': No! Don't you drink that! It's not water, it's... :''[Sharaku downs the scotch]'' :'''Jigen''': Don't you... :''[Sharaku finishes the scotch and lies back down]'' :'''Jigen''': Damn it. Just my luck. This he's got the strength to finish. ---- :'''Jigen''': I hope he's just hungover. ==== Episode 10, Steal File M123 ==== :''[Lupin and Fujiko are locked in a basement]'' :'''Lupin''': Well, the good thing is, I don't think it's Hell. :'''Fujiko''': Not a real far cry, though. ---- :'''Jigen''': You know, you're like a friggin' teenager, Lupin. You gotta grow up, man. :'''Lupin''': ''[petulantly]'' I am ''not'' like a teenager! You guys suck! Go on, take off. Who needs ya? ''[He hears Jigen and Goemon leaving]'' It's not fair! Everyone's being mean to me! ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[as Zenigata]'' I'd say the acting's a bit over the top, wouldn't you? :'''Zenigata''': I'm not acting, me! ---- :'''Goemon''': ''[as Zenigata]'' Hey! What the hell is everybody doing dressed up like me? ---- :'''Chief''': Mr. Zenigata. :'''Zenigatas''': Yes! :''[The chief groans]'' :'''Zenigata''': Listen, I'm the real Zenigata. I should know who the hell I am, shouldn't I? :'''Zenigata 2''': ''[Lupin]'' He's lying, sir! :'''Zenigata 1''': ''[Jigen]'' They're all lying! :'''Zenigata 4''': ''[Goemon]'' Except for me! ---- :'''Zenigata''': Stewardess! Don't let them on there! :'''Jigen''': How did he get out? ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[seeing Zenigata on his and Lupin's tail]'' Butt pain at six o'clock. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Lupin, I know you can hear me. :'''Lupin''': That's a Roger, Red Baron. I'm here. :'''Zenigata''': I know you stole the file from Scotland Yard. Over. :'''Lupin''': Just casing the competition. Over. :'''Zenigata''': You better hand it over. Over. :'''Lupin''': Why don't you roll me in the clover? Over. :'''Zenigata''': ''YOU GO TO HEEEEEELLLL!'' Uh, over. ---- :'''Goemon''': So, the belt explodes if I do this? :'''Lupin''': Hey, hey! Not funny. ---- :'''Lupin''': Who wants chicken nuggets!? ==== Episode 11, Wager on the Monaco GP ==== :'''Jigen''': Goemon, are you in? :'''Goemon''': Hmm... Why not? I'll give it a try. :'''Jigen''': Are you saying you've never been before? ---- :'''Lupin''': This is just great! After all the work I put into that stupid race tomorrow! :'''Jigen''': It's your own damn fault. :'''Lupin''': ''I KNOW!!!'' ---- :'''Jigen''': May I remind you the last time she got us a good deal was ''never''? ---- :'''Fujiko''': I've always thought of you boys as close relatives. :'''Lupin''': ''[incredulously]'' Yeah? That's what Lizzie Borden said. ---- :'''Lupin''': I can't believe I lost all that money. :'''Fujiko''': Yeah? Well, that was ''my'' money, you big dumb jerk! :''[She scratches his face]'' :'''Lupin''': Help! She's gonna kill me! :''[He flees down the promenade, with Fujiko in pursuit]'' :'''Fujiko''': You wish! Killing's too good for you! ==== Episode 12, A Present for the President ==== :'''Zenigata''': But I'm telling you, I'm the only one in the world who can capture this guy! :'''Bordeaux Chief''': I know what you are saying, but then why have you not captured him? :''[Zenigata hesitates]'' ---- :'''Bordeaux Chief''': Just follow me, Inspector Origami. :'''Zenigata''': Hey, the name's not Origami, it's Zenigata! ---- :''[Fujiko notices Lupin watching her get in the wine barrel]'' :'''Fujiko''': Grow up, will you? ''[Lupin giggles. As Fujiko gets into the barrel, she sees Goemon watching her]'' You, too? :'''Goemon''' ''[guiltily]'' Uh, me? Uh, I didn't see a thing. ---- :'''Bordeaux Chief''': It's all up to you, Inspector Epiglottis. ---- :'''Bordeaux Chief''': I know my job, Inspector Terra Cotta. ---- :'''Zenigata''': I knew you were settin' me up, Lupin. You had no idea where the bottle was, but I turned the tables on you, Lupin! I had him take me to the wrong place, and now you're hoist on your own whatever you call it. :'''Lupin''': ''[annoyed]'' "Petard", it's called a damn petard! ---- :''[Lupin is drunkenly driving the gang back to the hideout]'' :'''Jigen''': You sure you're okay to drive? :'''Lupin''': Oh, sure. I'm fine. Just fine. Little bit of alcohol like that isn't going to affect me. :'''Fujiko''': ''[sitting in the back with Goemon]'' Lupin, cut it out! ---- :''[Lupin and Goemon are seriously hungover]'' :'''Jigen''': You guys are a couple of lightweights. :'''Lupin''': Come on, man, keep it down, willya? :'''Jigen''': Ah, geez... :'''Goemon''': You know, just for the record, I've never been hungover from drinking sake. :'''Lupin'''': Gee, you think maybe that's cause it ''TASTES LIKE CRAP?!'' ---- :'''Bordeaux Chief''': Ah, here you are, my dear good friend and colleague, Inspector Pennsylvania. Mon ami. ''[He vigorously pumps the hungover Zenigata's arm]'' Merci. Thanks to you, the bottle is perfectly safe with us. ''[He slaps Zenigata on the back]'' :'''Zenigata''': Hey, Lieutenant, you think you can get my name right if I promise not to throw up on your shoes? ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[in disguise, offering to kiss Zenigata on the cheek]'' 'Allo! What about me? :'''Zenigata''': Uh, no thanks. Gotta run. Bye! ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[to a flight attendant he doesn't realize is Fujiko in disguise, gesturing suggestively]'' I'll take whateeeever you're serving. :'''Fujiko''': ''[going behind a curtain]'' Ugh. :'''Zenigata''': Oh, miiiiss? :'''Fujiko''': ''[politely]'' I'll be right back. ''[to Lupin]'' Let's get this over with. Now he's flirting with me! ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[in a note to Zenigata]'' "Dear Inspector: In recognition of your nearly successful efforts, here's some really cheap crap. HA!" ---- :'''Bordeaux Chief''': You are twice the hero, Inspector Sanitation. :'''Zenigata''': Um, well, I mean, uh... :'''Bordeaux Chief''': Modest, too! ---- :'''Reporter''': Inspector, you know Lupin and his gang better than anyone. Why would they pass up a chance to steal a priceless historical artifact in favor of a crate full of dolls intended as Christmas presents for underprivileged children? :'''Zenigata''': It's really baffling, that's all I can say. :'''Lupin Gang''': What'd he say?! ==== Episode 13, The Great San Francisco Chase==== :'''Lupin hallucination''': Aw, you don't wanna kill me. I mean, that'd just be case of murder-suicide, now, wouldn't it, Pops? ''[He laughs maniacally]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': I can't believe we were beaten to the punch like that! :'''Goemon''': You really need to let that go, my friend. :'''Fujiko''': Goemon's right, Lupin. You're really losing perspective here. I mean, we just scored the biggest, most beautiful diamond I've ever laid eyes on. :'''Lupin''': And will you love it as much when it retails for five bucks? ---- :'''Henchman''': ''[witnessing Zenigata talking in his sleep about Lupin]'' The boss was right. This guy is seriously obsessed. ---- :'''Henchman''': ''[smelling Zenigata's breath]'' Son of a bitch. Smells like something died in here. Guy could use a mint. ---- :'''Henchman 2''': Anyways, all's I'm saying is, great game plan, great team, great execution. :'''Boss''': And, uh, speaking of execution, you know what happens to guys who double-cross me, right? :'''Henchman 2''': Eh, we did it. I swear. Here, look. We even took a picture when we finished. :''[He hands the boss the picture. The boss is so shocked his voice slips]'' :'''Lupin''': ''Zenigata?!'' He's the guy?? ---- :'''Goemon''': ''[knocking out the henchmen]'' They'll be fine... ish. ---- :'''Lupin''': Anyway, we already know where the microfilm is. :'''Jigen''': Hell of a lot of good that does us. Though some fun pictures do come to mind. ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[after the psychiatrist uses a bizarre analogy to describe his depression]'' I suppose I should be flattered by that, but I guess I'm just too depressed. ---- :'''Zenigata''': You're not real... You're not real... You're not real! :'''Lupin''': Yoo-hoo! ''[He waggles his tongue at Zenigata. The Inspector screams and runs down the street, leaving a confused Lupin standing there]'' ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[while driving after Zenigata]'' He's driving like a friggin' maniac. ''[An amused little smile spreads across his face]'' I gotta admit it, though: It does feel kinda nice to be running ''his'' sorry ass ragged for a change. ---- :'''Jigen''': Admit it, you were blinded by diamonds and you betrayed us... just like a typical woman. ---- :'''Lupin''': Open wide now, Inspector Sleeping Beauty. ''[He holds Zenigata's nose. The Inspector sneezes violently, and the microfilm goes flying]'' What...? Hey! It's not in there! What's going on? :'''Fujiko''': Wh... Wha...? :'''Jigen''': ''[whistling and pointing to show the direction the microfilm flew in and then pointing to the ocean]'' Mmm... hm. Ker-plop. ---- :'''Lupin''': So, Pops, I hear you talk about me in your sleep! :'''Zenigata''': Shut up, shut up, shut ''up''! ==== Episode 14, The Great Caribbean Adventure ==== :'''Lupin''': Title! ---- :'''Goemon''': When a fever like that proves impervious to every stratagem of Western medicine, it's time for a little Jiryu-toh. :'''Lupin''': What the hell is Jiryu-toh? :'''Goemon''': It's a broth of pregnant earthworms. :''[Lupin gags]'' :'''Lupin''': Oh man, you gotta be kidding me. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Hey, that looked like them! Naw, it can't be. My brain's just rattled from this damn donkey ride. I mean, lots of people go hang-gliding into remote drug cult temples all the time and then... OH! IT IS HIM! ---- :'''Lupin''': You're not fooling me! I saw "The Wizard of Oz" 100 times! :'''Black Magician''': Alright, very well, then. Just trying to have a little fun, for heaven's sakes. ---- :''[The ruby has poor Zenigata hypnotised]'' :'''Zenigata''': My darling, you're so smooth and silky and stuff. Even smoother than mommy, and don't tell her, but I think you even smell a little better. It'll be our little secret... ==== Episode 15, The Great Detectives Take to the Sky==== :''[Zenigata rushes to the blimp as the gangway starts to close]'' :'''Zenigata''': Hey, hold it! I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming! :'''Announcer''': And we almost forgot Inspector Zenigata of Interpol. :''[Zenigata dives for the steps but misses. He jumps at the gap in between the steps]'' :'''Zenigata''': Damn it all, I just... :''[He lifts himself onto the steps, and they close, almost crushing him]'' :'''Announcer''': As did everyone else, apparently. ---- :'''Fujiko''': ''[doing a bad Peter Lorre impression]'' Gentlemen, dinner is served. ---- :'''Gabriel''': Lupin only has until midnight to steal this treasure. After that, not even the greatest thief in the world could pull it off. :'''Lupin''': ''[as Sherlock Holmes III]'' Quite brilliant, really. I must say. It's got me pondering the best orifice for my stamp collection. :'''Zenigata''': Uh... No way. I'm not gonna touch that one. Three hours left. :'''Gabriel''': So, come on. Candyland? Moustrap? Hungry Hippos? ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[as Archer]'' Why don't you just slip me a mickey? I mean, you got anything a little peppier? You know, like... ''[He drums on a bottle and hums a tune before falling over backwards]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': Just give it up. There's no way out of this this time, Lupin. We're puttin' you on ice for good and I got your mittens right here. ''[He pulls out a pair of handcuffs]'' :'''Lupin''': That's very kind, but you might wanna save those for that cold day in hell when I admit defeat. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[previewing the next episode]'' Oh, man, how did I get so ugly? And mean? Is that really me? Something funny's going on and I don't mean ha-ha funny like this. It's shocking. It's exciting. It's smack-me-up-the-head-and-call-me-Patsy. Catch you later! ==== Episode 16, The Two Faces of Lupin==== :'''Zenigata''': Lupin likes to think of himself as some sort of a gentleman thief. If he says he'll be here at three o'clock Thursday morning, you can count on it. ---- :'''Zenial''': What could you possible want, ma cherie? :'''Fujiko''': To feel loved, of course, mon petit escargot. :'''Zenial''': ''[confused]'' Your little... snail? ---- :'''Lupin''': So someone's running around impersonating me. I mean, what's so hard to grasp? I am something of a celebrity, you know. :'''Fujiko''': He dresses like you, he sounds like you, and he's got your fingerprints. :'''Lupin''': Yeah, but he's not as handsome, according to you. :'''Fujiko''': So what? You're a master of disguise, and I didn't say handsome anyway. ---- :'''Fujiko''': Whatever. You guys stick together, and I'll stick to my principles, like not working with killers. :''[She leaves in a huff]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[frustrated]'' What a hypocritical bitch! "Principles", my ass. ---- :'''Fake Lupin''': You know, if this was good enough to con a couple of cons like that, we just might win an Academy Award. :'''Dr. Normil''': Uh-huh. I could be Geffen, and you Katzenberg. But right now, I'd suggest that we check on our little Robert Downey Jr. :''[Lupin is slumped over the table, motionless and groaning]'' :'''Fake Lupin''': This I gotta see. How much of that stuff did you slip in? :''[Lupin completely passes out, drifting off into a deep sleep]'' :'''Dr. Normil''': ''[with a wicked chuckle]'' Enough. Yes, and he'll have absolutely no memory of anything that's happened. :'''Fake Lupin''': Yeah, or of anything that didn't happen either. :'''Dr. Normil''': ''[laughing]'' Exactly! ---- :''[Lupin stands on a tire and puts his head in a noose]'' :'''Lupin''': It's been fun... 'til now. :''[He kicks the tire away, but the second he does, a bullet from a revolver cuts the rope]'' :'''Lupin''': Damn it! Can't a guy kill himself in peace?!? :'''Fujiko''': Sorry, Lupin, but I just can't let you do this. ---- :''[Tied to a chair, Lupin suddenly tenses. Fujiko gasps]'' :'''Fujiko''': It's midnight, right on the dot! :''[Lupin writhes in his seat. Fujiko cocks her gun]'' :'''Fujiko''': Lupin, sorry I have to do this. We'll be together soon. :'''Lupin''': No, wait! It's a... It's a... :''[He sneezes]'' :'''Fujiko''': ''[relieved]'' I knew I was right. You're not a killer. In fact, you're even allergic to death. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[disguised as Dr. Normil]'' Aha! There he is! Look! :'''Zenigata''': Give me those. ''[He snatches the binoculars, nearly accidentally strangling Lupin, who still has the binoculars cord around his neck]'' ---- :'''Fujiko''': Old Pops is going to be really disappointed, but at least he didn't go empty-handed, you know? ==== Episode 17, Aim for the Oildollar ==== :'''Jigen''': Okay, Goemon. You take his right leg, I'll take his left one. :''[They grab Lupin, hold him upside down and shake him]'' :'''Lupin''': Ooh! Ooh! Hey! Guys! Easy! Ow! Ooh! Uh! Ooh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! ---- :''[Jigen paces back and forth across the room]'' :'''Goemon''': We did everything we could. You know that, Jigen. :'''Jigen''': Yeah, I know, I know. :'''Fujiko''': Poor Lupin. :'''Lupin''': ''[from the bathroom]'' Oh! Atlantic Ocean! :''[He emerges feebly from the bathroom]'' :'''Jigen''': What happened? Are you all right? :'''Lupin''': Yeah. I'm fine. ''[He presents the bomb Lawrence made him swallow]'' But that horse laxative almost did me in. ---- :'''Goemon''': Shut up and have some dignity, for god's sake. ''[Fujiko blows a raspberry at him]'' Real mature. ---- :'''Lupin''': What? But, hey! What about all the money? :'''Fujiko''': Hey, I wasn't exactly in a strong bargaining position or anything. :'''Lupin''': Yeah, but, couldn't you... You know... :'''Fujiko''': What, take on the whole group of them in alphabetical order? :'''Jigen''': Well, it's not like it'd be the first time or anything. ==== Episode 18, The Black Panther ==== :'''Lupin''': This is great. I mean, this is the ultimate mother of all birthday presents. Can you imagine her reaction when she opens it up? "You're giving me the Black Panther? Oh, Lupin, I love you! Come over here, I want to be your little pussycat!" ''[He makes kissing sounds near Goemon]'' :'''Goemon''': First, I'm not a prop for your sexual fantasies. Secondly... ''[He pushes Lupin away]'' You don't have it yet. ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[showing the hotel clerk a picture of Lupin]'' This is what he looks like. Well, most of the time, I mean. Sometimes he's a woman, or an eskimo, or... Anyway, have you seen him? ---- :''[The gang spies on Conaiseau]'' :'''Jigen''': It sounds like they're getting ready to hit the road. Yeah, you called it, Lupin. :'''Lupin''': I still can't figure it, though. This guy's nuts. At least with Pops, it's all, you know, pretty damn... predictable. :'''Zenigata''': ''[suddenly appearing at the window]'' ''Well, well!'' :'''Lupin''': Usually, anyway! :'''Zenigata''': All of you, out of the car now! :'''Lupin''': Well, what can one say to a gracious invitation like that except... Bleh! FLOOR IT! :''[The gang drives away]'' ---- :'''Jigen''': Where the hell are these guys going? :'''Lupin''': Beats me. Better not be one of those three-hour tours you hear about on Nick@Nite. :'''Jigen''': ''[chuckling]'' Yeah. ---- :'''Lupin''': Sounds to me like someone's afraid he might not measure up. :'''Jigen''': Oh, that's ridiculous, man! My resemblance to Dillinger inspired me to pursue this career! :'''Lupin''': What, his scrawny ass? :'''Jigen''': Okay, fine! If it'll shut you up, let's just go! ---- :'''Naturist Woman''': Can't you read? This is a restricted area. Women only. Where's your registration tag? :'''Lupin''': ''[leering]'' Gee, I forget. I guess you'll just have to frisk me. :''[A woman scratches Lupin's face. He and Conaiseau are chased by a mob of angry women]'' :'''Conaiseau''': That's no way to charm a lady! :'''Lupin''': Oh, like I'm gonna take lessons from you! ==== Episode 20, Lupin Up Against the Wall ==== :'''Zenigata''': ''[to Lupin]'' You're coming with me! ''[Fujiko knocks him out]'' Ow. :'''Fujiko''': Clumsy me. ---- :'''Generalissimo Hatler''': Mobilize the tanks! :'''Hess''': Ja wohl! :'''Zenigata''': ''[gagged with tape]'' Not the tanks, you big gorilla! Can't you see? That's just what he wants! He thrives on chaos! ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[through his gag]'' See you later, Lupin! You'll be hearing from me! ---- :'''Lupin''': I'd been meaning to ask you: How'd that flesh wound of yours heal up? :'''Fujiko''': I'm as good as new. :'''Lupin''': Really? Ooh... ''[He takes a look between Fujiko's breasts]'' I'll just... :''[Fujiko yelps and slaps Lupin.]'' :'''Fujiko''': ''Lupin''! :''[The young man careens down the hill in his wheelchair]'' :'''Lupin''': Whoooooa! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, noooooooo! :''[He passes Jigen and Goemon. Goemon rests by the trunk while Jigen is on one of the branches. Lupin continues screaming in the background]'' :'''Jigen''': Hey, we've done all we can for the guy. :'''Goemon''': He's on this own this time. :''[Lupin bumps along the dirt path, yelping. Zenigata approaches in his path]'' :'''Zenigata''': Whoa, what's that? ''[Lupin speeds uncontrollably in his direction]'' Hey, wait a minute! :'''Lupin''': I can't stop! :''[Zenigata runs towards Lupin]'' :'''Zenigata''': It's Lupin! ''[He decides it's a good idea to run back in the other direction]'' Hey! Whoa! :'''Lupin''': Pops! Wait! Please help me! :'''Zenigata''': Hey! Get away from me! ''[Zenigata runs down a hill shoulder with Lupin bouncing close behind]'' Get away from me! What are you doing? Let go of me! :'''Lupin''': Help! Help! :''[They crash into each other and fall over]'' ==== Episode 23, Witch of the Fourth Dimension ==== :'''Chief''': Well, give my regards to Speed Racer. I bid you adieu. :'''Zenigata''': ''[into his hat]'' Penis! :'''Chief''': Pardon? :''[Zenigata turns and hits his head on the door]'' :'''Zenigata''': Ow. Must have caught a cold or something. ''[He feigns another sneeze]'' Asswipe! ---- :'''French Taxi Driver''': Who are you? :'''Zenigata''': ''[sarcastically]'' I'm Jerry Lewis! :''[He hijacks the taxi]'' :'''French Taxi Driver''': You've lost weight! ---- :'''Zenigata''': I'm a very grumpy guy. ---- :'''Jigen''': Hey, Goemon. :'''Goemon''': Yes? What? Well? :'''Jigen''': It's Fujiko. She wants to talk to Lupin. :'''Goemon''': Uh-oh. :'''Jigen''': I know. I'm afraid just hearing her voice. It's gonna be enough to make him jump out the window or something. :'''Lupin''': BANZAI! :''[a glass window breaks]'' :'''Jigen''': You know? ---- :'''Bujiko''': Now here's a map, whether you believe it or not. I think it's in some kind of code. :'''Lupin''': That looks like... hieroglyphics! :''[Remembering the curse of King Tutankhamun, Lupin becomes very frightened]'' :'''Bujiko''': What the...? ''[She tenderly touches Lupin's chin as he trembles]'' You know, I don't understand what you're saying to me, Lupin, and that really ticks me off. :'''Lupin''': It's the curse of King Tut. I already did that one! :'''Bujiko''': But it's kind of cute, you know? ==== Episode 24, The Phantom Thief Nezumi Kozō ==== :'''Lupin''': Okay, so who've you ticked off? :'''Goemon''': No one. :'''Jigen''': ''[to Lupin]'' He's got a point. I mean, ''you're'' the annoying one on this team. ---- :'''Goemon''': Huh? There's a light on. This guy's brazen. ---- :'''Rat Boy''': And I didn't just bathe in there, either. ---- :'''Goemon''': What's this? :'''Rat Boy''': Well, with books, it usually helps to open them up. ---- :'''Goemon''': Whoa, what's all this? :'''Rat Boy''': Well, it's your ancestor, Goemon the Tenth, having a bad hair day, apparently. ---- :'''Rat Boy''': If that doesn't tell you how close they were, then maybe I could draw you a picture. :'''Goemon''': Uh, no, that's alright. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Holy crap, where is he, damn it all?! ''[He opens the door, smashing the Chief]'' Chief, are you here?! ---- :'''Chief''': Cause if we do fail... It's... ''[He makes a throat-slicing motion and a gagging noise]'' :'''Zenigata''': Don't worry about it, Chief. This one's a no-brainer. ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[bursting into Lupin's room]'' Hey, Lupin, we've got a problem. ''[To his dismay, he finds the young man snoring away in bed]'' Oh, man. Look at him. ''[He opens the curtains, then shakes Lupin gently on the shoulder]'' Hey, buddy, get out of bed. It's lunchtime. ''[Lupin sleeps blissfully on]'' Wouldn't you know it? Dead to the world. I swear to God, this guy could sleep through World War friggin' Three. Sorry, man, but I'm afraid you leave no alternative. Gotta bring out the heavy artillery. Hey, Fujiko! Put on some clothes! :''[Lupin wakes up immediately. He springs out of his bed, inadvertently throwing his duvet over Jigen]'' :'''Lupin''': Huh?! Where?! Tell me! Come on! :'''Jigen''': ''[throwing the cover off]'' She's not here, Lupin. :'''Lupin''': What the-? Hey! That's low! I'll get you. Just you wait. ---- :'''Jigen''': Hey, hey Romeo. We only got till tomorrow at noontime. :'''Lupin''': Thanks, ''mom''. Don't wait up for me now. I can let myself in. ---- :'''Officer''': This guy was drunk and disorderly, Inspector. Put up quite a fight on the way here. :'''Zenigata''': ''THEN LOCK HIM UP! WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO, MAKE YOU A POT OF COFFEE?! GO ON! GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!'' ---- :'''Ratboy''': ''[to his mouse]'' Okay, Liza. Make me proud. ---- :'''Ratboy''': ''[in disguise, while in the men's room]'' Uh, well, I, uh, thought I smelled gas... :'''Zenigata''': Oh, yeah? :''[He slowly approaches Ratboy, who stands there, terrified. Then Zenigata laughs lightly]'' :'''Zenigata''': Well, doesn't that, you know, sorta come with the territory? ---- :''[Jigen is woken by the sun's glare]'' :'''Jigen''': Crap! ''[He checks his watch]'' Huh? How the hell did I sleep so late? Damn it. Some kind of a lookout. I must be getting old, or something. ''[He hears Lupin's laughter behind him]'' Lupin! Listen, man. I have no idea know how this happened. I mean, one minute, I'm scoping out the plaza down there, and the next thing I know... :'''Lupin''': ''[calming him down]'' It's okay. Ratboy's been working for us all night. :'''Jigen''': What? The rat? Working for us? :'''Lupin''': Yeah, and he's not half bad, either. I mean, you know, for a super-annoying, ugly little pimple-beaked freakazoid. So, that crate pretty comfortable? ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[laughing at the ridiculous situation while also hearing Ratboy's laugh]'' Oh, brother. Does he always laugh like that? :'''Jigen''': I'm afraid so. ==== Episode 25, The Coming of the Iron Lizards ==== :'''Jigen''': Uh, Lupin? :'''Lupin''': Yeah? :'''Jigen''': Knock, knock. :'''Lupin''': Who's there? :'''Jigen''': Land shark! ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[disguised as a guard]'' Admittedly, it's all a bit Coyote and Road Runner, but it works. ---- :'''Fujiko''': Quit staring down my slip and pull me up! ---- :'''Zenigata''': Well, at least he's alive. Thank goodness for that. ==== Episode 26, The Rose and the Pistol ==== :''[Jigen starts after the woman's kidnappers]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[pinkies cuffed]'' Hey, Jigen, wait! Give me a hand here! :'''Jigen''': Damn, how the hell did that happen? :''[Lupin struggles with the cuffs, which are being held on a long piece of twine by an unconscious Zenigata]'' :'''Jigen''': Look, handle yourself. I'd better go. :'''Lupin''': Hey! Get back here! ''[He goes over to Zenigata and fishes for a keyring. He finds to his disappointment that there are lots of keys]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': I don't dare set foot outside wearing this fleschuganah thing on my pinkie! I mean, what if it's some weird code that says I wanna get spanked by a skinhead or something? ==== Episode 27, Find the Cinderella Stamp==== :'''Jigen''': ''[while Lupin and Fujiko argue with Alice]'' OK, now, children, let's just... ---- :''[Alice pretends that Fujiko is her mother, so the police ask her to come with them]'' :'''Jigen''': Call me when you're done, uh, ''darling''. ---- :'''Lupin''': This is bad for our reputation. I mean, if anything, ''she'' kidnapped ''us''! :'''Jigen''': Well if you ask me, I'm not sure that's much better for our reputation. ---- :''[Jigen pistol-whips the officers holding Lupin]'' :'''Jigen''': Leave this to me. You go get the girl. :''[Lupin runs off down the street after the girl, and Zenigata runs after him]'' :'''Lupin''': ''ALIIICE!'' :'''Zenigata''': ''LUPIIIN!'' ==== Episode 29, Electroshock Pigeon Tactics ==== :''[Lupin's car is out of control]'' :'''Jigen''': Slow down, would ya? :'''Lupin''': I can't! :'''Jigen''': What do you mean, you can't? :'''Lupin''': Hey, the friggin' brakes are out! :''[He presses on the brakes to show Jigen]'' :'''Lupin''': See? :'''Jigen''': What? Well, don't just tap'em! :'''Lupin''': I'm not just tapping! Look! :'''Jigen''': Then how come it's not stopping? :'''Lupin''': Because... the brakes... ''ARE OUT!'' ---- :'''Jigen''': Call me superstitious, but next time you're thinking about that broad, don't actually say her name out loud, okay? :'''Fujiko''': ''[from down below]'' Lupin! :'''Lupin''': Huh? :'''Jigen''': No! :'''Lupin''': Hey! :'''Jigen''': Don't say it! :'''Lupin''': It's Fujiko! :'''Jigen''': Aw, crap. ---- :''[Zenigata sees Lupin and Jigen floating in mid air]'' :'''Zenigata''': GOOD GRAVY! :'''Baron''': Let me see! :''[He looks through the telescope]'' :'''Baron''': Ah, you see? Just as I told you. Hmm... :'''Zenigata''': It's the damnedest damn thing I ever saw in my damn life! ---- :'''Baron''': They're falling... They're thrown clear of the car which explodes... when then, they gently float down to earth, bobbing just over the water like pixies. ---- :'''Fujiko''': Will everything be... Well, you know, intent? :'''Doctor''': Ah, yes, I assume you refer to his hoo-hah. ---- :'''Lupin''': Her dot... and his dot... are like one big happy dot! ---- :'''Fujiko''': ''[tossing the bubble maker up and down in her hand]'' So tell me, did you invent this, or did you steal it? :'''Lupin''': Well, I guess that depends on which one would really impress you. :'''Fujiko''': I guess... I'd have to say if you invented it. :'''Lupin''': ''[leaning in for a kiss]'' Okay, then let's just say that I invented it, shall we? :'''Fujiko''': ''[holding up the pin-like tracking device Lupin planted in her hair]'' Okay. :''[She pops the bubble she and Lupin are in. Lupin begins to plummet towards the ocean and frantically claws at the air. Fujiko grows a new bubble for herself]'' :'''Fujiko''': Then you can just make yourself a new one. :'''Lupin''': But, Fujiko...! :'''Fujiko''': ''[mockingly]'' What? You didn't lie, did you? :'''Lupin''': ''Of course I diiiid!'' :''[Zenigata waits beneath Lupin as he plunges in his direction]'' :'''Zenigata''': ''Don't worry, Lupin! I'll catch you!'' :''[He grins eagerly]'' :'''Lupin''': MOMMYYYYY! :''[As Lupin nears the ocean's surface, Zenigata leaps out of the ocean at him]'' ==== Episode 30, The Winds of Morocco are Hot ==== :'''Lupin''': Listen, Commander, I really wish you all the best with this big bloodbath of yours, but, unfortunately, I'm not going to be sticking around. :'''Foreign Legion Commander''': Ah, I understand. Well, it's up to you. But I should warn you, the only way out of here is up those steps over there. :''[He points to a guillotine. Lupin grimly imagines himself being beheaded]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[in his imagination]'' Help me! Ahh! Help! Help me, please! I really don't wanna die! Help me, please! Please, stop! I'm too young to die! And too handsome, and charming, and... :''[Back in the real world, Lupin continues to stare at the blade]'' :'''Foreign Legion Commander''': But, hey, if you have to go, you have to go. I totally respect that. :'''Lupin''': ''[hopefully]'' And you're sure that's the only, only way? There's no, like, camel taxi or anything? ---- :'''Foreign Legion Commander''': Such petty rivalries are nothing but a bourgeois luxury, which the true revolutionary must abandon. Plus, I hate you. ---- :'''Lupin''': Damn. I haven't felt so trapped and helpless since the last time I went to Disneyland. But at least when I was at Disneyland, nobody ever forced me to share a teacup with Goofy. :'''Zenigata''': You'll be sharing a cell with rats when I get you back to Japan! :'''Lupin''': Yeah, well, be that as it may... It'll be the land of the ''setting'' sun for you if you stick around here and end up in the middle of some revolutionary uprising. :''[He imagines himself and Zenigata clinging to each other in the middle of a battlefield, then imagines himself crying over Zenigata's grave as the Inspector floats away as an angel]'' :'''Zenigata''': But... What about my poor mother?! ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[holding Lupin lightly by the back of his jacket]'' I got you right in the palm of my hand. And I'm not lettin' ya... :'''Lupin''': ''[pulling himself free]'' No wonder you never caught me. ---- :'''Foreign Legion Commander''': ''[attracted to a disguised Zenigata]'' What would I have to pay for her? :'''Lupin''': Trust me, you don't want her. :'''Foreign Legion Commander''': Why not? :'''Lupin''': Uh, well... I mean, it's just... ''[Zenigata makes a show of cuddling up to Lupin]'' You know... I love her so much. ''[He fake sobs]'' :'''Foreign Legion Commander''': Alright, get going. :'''Lupin''': Thank you. What a nice man. ==== Episode 31, Shoot Into the Midnight Sun ==== :''[An exhausted Zenigata knocks on the door of a Swedish police car]'' :'''Zenigata''': Zenigata, with Interpol. Would you give me a lift? :'''First Swedish Officer''': Ja, sure. :'''Zenigata''': I'm beat. ''[He gets in]'' It's ten o'clock. Why is it still light out? :'''First Swedish Officer''': We have a thing here called the midnight sun, and it... :'''Zenigata''': THAT WAS RHETORICAL! THE POINT IS, I HAVEN'T SLEPT IN A WEEK! :'''First Swedish Officer''': Ah, well. Here, try this eye mask. :'''Zenigata''': Oh, yeah? Huh. ''[He ties it around his face, then yawns]'' :'''Second Swedish Officer''': ''[not realizing Zenigata is already asleep]'' I'm guessing you got some tip about Mr. Lupin. :'''Zenigata''': ''[startled]'' ARGH! WHERE? DAMN! LUPIN! ''[He holds up his hands]'' Whoa! I can't see! ''What's goin' on?!'' Hey! Is it... the apocalypse? :'''First Swedish Officer''': It's just the eye mask. You're fine. :''[Zenigata pulls up the eye mask]'' :'''Zenigata''': ''[sheepishly]'' Uh... I knew that. ''[He looks out the back window]'' Damn midnight sun's a menace! :''[He clears his throat and pulls the eye mask back down]'' :'''First Swedish Officer''': So, what's Lupin doing here? :'''Zenigata''': Well, it isn't really that clear yet. Could be, he's trying to make his way to the North Pole. Yep, it's the closest place to the old midnight sun this time of the year. He'll blast off in a rocket ship and steal it, I tell ya. I just figured it out. He's gonna steal the sun, mama, so he can get away with everything. ''[The officers exchange confused glances]'' But I'm not gonna care at all, 'cause it's gonna be... so dark. :''[He yawns loudly. The officers shrug. Lupin and Jigen approach the car]'' :'''Jigen''': Is that Pops in the back seat, blindfolded? :'''Lupin''': Sure looks like it. Poor guy just can't seem to catch a break. :''[He gets out a cigarette and goes up to the officers]'' :'''Lupin''': Hi. How's it going, guys? Mind if I borrow your lighter for a second? :'''Second Swedish Officer''': There's no smoking in our town. :'''Lupin''': ''[reaching in through the back window]'' Ah. It slipped my mind. :''[He and Jigen walk away laughing. Zenigata wakes up suddenly]'' :'''Zenigata''': Hey! Wait a minute! Lupin did it! Seen that everything's all dark! :'''Second Swedish Officer''': Inspector, take off your mask. :''[Zenigata does so]'' :'''Zenigata''': I didn't... talk in my sleep or anything, did I? :'''Swedish Officers''': ''[as Zenigata rubs his eyes]'' Not a word. ---- :'''Goemon''': So then, what's the plan? :'''Lupin''': What the hell do you think? Plunder. :'''Goemon''': Because? :'''Jigen''': Huh? :'''Lupin''': Just think of the consequences if we didn't do it. One of those girls is going to die, and do you want that on your conscience? I know I don't and... Uh, well... :'''Goemon''': Go on. :'''Jigen''': And because... it's what we do. :'''Lupin''': Uh, yeah. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[still digging]'' 'Cause that was different... The curse was on that mask, so I totally understood... But this is just crazy. I mean, don't come crying to me when I'm sitting on the biggest... ==== Episode 32, Lupin Dies Twice ==== :'''Fujiko''': Come on, Lupin, please just let him catch you this one time. :'''Lupin''': So, I guess this means we're going to be giving up together. :'''Fujiko''': It does? :'''Lupin''': Sure! That's the power of love. :'''Fujiko''': I, love you? :'''Lupin''': You see? :'''Fujiko''': I'm not fooling around. :'''Lupin''': 'Cause this is all you need. :'''Fujiko''': You're gonna need a doctor. :'''Zenigata''': ''[feeling like he's having to come between a pair of squabbling children]'' Just shut up, you two! Both of ya! ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[on the phone]'' And the inscription on the headstone should read: "Here lies poor Lupin, Fujiko-less. At least if she visits, he can look up her dress." ---- :''[Zenigata and Fujiko rush to the morgue]'' :'''Zenigata''': Chief! Fill me in! What have you got here? :'''Chief''': Well, sir, we got a DOA ''[meaning "Dead on arrival"]''. And we got his partners here waiting to be interrogated. :'''Zenigata''': Hold on! Are you saying Lupin's deceased?! ''Do you think I was born yesterday or something?! Huh?!'' ''THE ONLY DUMMMY AROUND HERE IS THE DOA!'' :''[Zenigata, Fujiko and the chief enter the morgue]'' :'''Zenigata''': ''[scoffing]'' The old coffin gambit, Lupin? Come on, you big con artist. ''[He waves his handcuffs]'' Alright, open 'er up. :''[The mortician opens the coffin. Lupin lies inside, motionless and pale]'' :'''Zenigata''': That's our guy! :'''Fujiko''': ''No!'' :'''Zenigata''': Hey, Lupin! Get up! Come on! Hey, Lupin! Cut it out, willya? Come on! ''[He shakes the thief's head]'' I'm not kiddin', Lupin! This isn't funny! ''[He starts crying]'' Damn it, Lupin! It can't be true! :'''Chief''': Inspector, please, maybe you should control yourself. :'''Zenigata''': ''[sobbing]'' You can't really be dead! I never told you this before, but I love you! What am I gonna do without you? You're my whole reason to live! How could you do this to me? I hate you! No, I don't! I don't! I'm sorry! ''[He rubs his tear-streaked face against Lupin's]'' Please don't leave me, Lupin! :'''Chief''': ''[placing a comforting hand on Zenigata's shoulder]'' It's alright, Inspector. :''[Zenigata furiously handcuffs the officer, then, sobbing hysterically, tears out of the building, firing his pistol into the air]'' :'''Zenigata''': '''Puma! I'll get you, you son of a bitch!''' ---- :''[Zenigata is arrested]'' :'''Zenigata''': Hey! Wait, I ... ''[The officers throw him into cell with Jigen and Goemon]'' Ow. :'''Jigen''': Yo, Pops! :'''Zenigata''': Yo yourself, you damn bastard! I oughta... :''[He tackles Jigen]'' :'''Jigen''': What the... hey! :'''Zenigata''': What the hell kind of a partner are you anyway? How could you just let him go and die like that?! ---- :''[Lupin lies in his casket. Six feet above him, we hear the voices of the mortician and Fujiko]'' :'''Mortician''': It should be wearing off by now. :'''Fujiko''': And you're sure there's no chance he could have suffocated? :''[Inside the casket, a light turns on. We hear Lupin's heartbeat steadily growing louder]'' :'''Mortician''': A body in this kind of suspended animation requires very little oxygen. :''[Lupin exhales, then opens his eyes]'' :'''Fujiko''': You'd better be right about that. ---- :''[Lupin's casket is unearthed, just as the drugs he needed to fake his own death have worn off]'' :'''Lupin''': Mommy. ''[He yawns]'' What a nap. :''[Fujiko lifts off his casket lid and greets him with a knowing smile]'' :'''Fujiko''': Are you all right? :'''Lupin''' : ''[sitting up with a rose in his hand and an amorous expression on his face]'' You tell me. ''[He leans in to kiss Fujiko, surreptitiously placing the flower into her shirt, and she slaps hm]'' Hey, what the hell kind of greeting is that? I mean, especially after that touching tribute that I gave you on my headstone. :'''Fujiko''': ''[sarcastically]'' Yeah. Real romantic. :''[Lupin takes a look at the headstone]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[forgetting part of his phone conversation with the mortician]'' Hey! That's just crass! ---- :'''Lupin''': I wanted to see that face. Just once before I say... Hasta la bye bye! ==== Episode 34, Lupin Becomes a Vampire ==== :'''Lupin''': ''[stealing a gold statue]'' I'd like to thank the Academy and all the little people who made this possible, especially a certain Inspector... ''[He stops short when he sees a large black wolf in front of him]'' Uh... You don't really want me. I just wet myself. ---- :''[Jigen and Fujiko are hanging up garlic all over their hideout]'' :'''Goemon''': Oh, come on, guys! This is the pits, literally. I mean it's starting to smell like Pavarotti's armpits in here. :'''Jigen''': Yeah, well, I'm sorry about that, pal, but when it comes to vampires, I don't take any chances. :''[He gives Goemon a chained cross]'' :'''Jigen''': I mean, I know your family's been Shinto for like ten generations... :'''Goemon''': Longer. :'''Jigen''': But that doesn't mean crap to a vampire. :'''Goemon''': You know, there's something very offensive about that. ---- :'''Fujiko''': ''[as a storm rages on mount Onihime]'' No way to get up that mountain tonight. Only an idiot would dare to attempt it. :''[Cut to Zenigata clutching onto a steep mountainside in the pouring rain]'' :'''Zenigata''': ''What the hell am I doing up here?!'' I'M SCARED OF THUNDER! I'M SCARED OF HEIGHTS! ---- :'''Jigen''': Wait a minute, Lupin, you were bitten by that bitch, weren't you? :'''Lupin''': Something... ''[He takes off his fake neck]'' ... just happened to come between us. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Feel kind of cheesy about this. Last time I prayed, it was for a two-wheeler. ==== Episode 36, Expose the Secret of Tsukikage Castle ==== :'''Jigen''': But a loon like that, I mean, this treasure could turn out to be a bunch of sumo wrestler bobblehead dolls or a big ball of tinfoil, y'know? :'''Goemon''': It's possible. But it's said that among his possessions was a sword, called Tsukikagemaru. :'''Lupin''': I have no idea what that means, Jigen... :'''Goemon''': I just explained that to you, it's a sword! :'''Lupin''': ... But it sounds important to him, so whaddya say? ---- :''[Lupin sits at the table trying to decipher a code while the blinded Jigen rests in the mattress and Goemon sits at the table with Lupin, trying not to fall asleep]'' :'''Lupin''': Let's see, I've tried adding, subtracting, multiplying, dividing... I don't know, what else can you do with a number? ''[He yawns and falls on his back]'' Truth be told, math was never my best subject. I was always more of a... ''[He yawns again]'' ... More of a recess kind of guy. ---- :'''Fujiko''': Hard at work, I see. So, how's it going? :'''Lupin''': Not well at all. :'''Goemon''': Because you are not trying. :'''Lupin''': Hey, you're sitting there like a Buddha! I'm working my ass off! ---- :'''Zenigata''': A flying crow will always... Uh, never mind. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Who the hell's the new woman in your gang?! I thought you only had eyes for Fujiko! :'''Lupin''': I swear, I don't know what you mean! :'''Zenigata''': You can't fool me, Lupin! I just saw Fujiko in Tokyo, vamping some rich stud. :'''Lupin''': What? What? But, but, uh...! ---- :'''Jigen''': Hey, don't blow a gasket there, Pops! :'''Zenigata''': I'll blow whatever the hell I want to! ''[He gets hit in the head by a falling gold coin. He catches it in his hands as he lies on the ground]'' Hey, wow! :''[More gold coins fall on top of him]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[pouting]'' Aww... it's just not fair. ==== Episode 37, Find the Treasure of Genghis Khan ==== :'''Lupin''': It's really not over 'til the fat lady sings. ''[He jumps off the roof]'' And I don't mean you either! ---- :'''Priest'''': Hey! Get off my bike! :'''Zenigata''': Shut up! :'''Priest''': Don't tell me to shut up! :'''Zenigata''': I'll tell you whatever I want to! :'''Priest''': Oh, yeah?! :'''Zenigata''': Yeah! :'''Priest''': You shut up! :'''Zenigata''': Shut up! :'''Priest''': You shut up! :'''Zenigata''': You...! ==== Episode 40, Operation Missilejack ==== :'''Security System''': Please state today's code phrase. :'''Chief''': ''[in a completely serious tone]'' I want my daddy and mommy, I'm scared and I want to go home. :''[Lupin, who is disguised as the Chief's pet tiger, looks up at the Chief in confusion and astonishment]'' :'''Security System''': Voice print code and phrase confirmed. ---- :'''Fujiko''': ''[running a finger around Zenigata's face]'' I've been having the naughtiest dreams about you, you know that? And you know what I'm doing to you in those dreams? ''[She rips the plaster off of Zenigata's nose]'' ''This!'' :''[Zenigata screams through gritted teeth. Around a corner, Lupin tries to stifle giggles]'' ==== Episode 41, Find Princess Kaguya's Treasure ==== :'''Fujiko''': You ever heard of anything so ridiculous in your life? ''[She sees Lupin staring deliriously ahead and gibbering with Kaguya's bottle resting on his tongue and hearts in his eyes]'' Ugh. Ask a stupid question. ---- :'''Kaguya''': Nice little streak, but all good things come to an end. :'''Jigen''': Well, if the end I'd be coming to is yours, then hey, count me in. ---- :'''Fujiko''': Now it's a dragon's liver. What is she, some kind of refugee from a friggin' fairy tale? Well, she'll regret not inviting me to the ball. ---- :'''Jigen''': Here, mer-y-mer-y-mer-y maid. I don't even know what any of these damn things is supposed to look like. ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[seeing the mermaid]'' Is that a shark? If it is, it's got a great rack. ---- :'''Fujiko''': Now, for the last time, do you want to know where Lupin is or not? :'''Zenigata''': Of course. I flew all the way over here, didn't I? Start talking. :'''Fujiko''': The Himalayas. :'''Zenigata''':... The ''what?'' :''[Out in the Himalayas, Lupin walks up the mountain with his guide, merrily singing]'' :'''Lupin''': ''Edelweiss, edelweiss, you look happy to greet me. Edel- uh, uh...'' ''[He sneezes]'' ---- :'''Goemon''': ''[exiting a dragon's mouth, carrying its liver]'' Wait a minute. Did I leave my wallet in there?... Crap. ---- :''[Lupin charges out of the tent, swinging a baseball bat. He swings at the yeti, but it dodges, and Lupin falls on his face in the snow. He swings again and again at the yeti, but it backs away and keeps dodging. He falls into a snowdrift and swings the bat around blindly]'' :'''Lupin''': Where'd you go, you son of a bitch?! You can't hide from me! :''[He hits the yeti's leg. It cries in pain. Lupin looks up out of the snowdrift and beams triumphantly]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[mockingly]'' Not so scary now, are you, you big ape? Aww, you want your mommy? Big wussy. Look at you. You should be ashamed of yourself. :''[A tear forms in the yeti's eye]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[realizing he's not using the right tone]'' Uh, no, wait, I mean... That's wrong. ''[He holds out the bottle to the yeti's eye]'' Just let it out, baby. No need to be stoic. That's right. You have yourself a good cry. Come on. It's all right. ''[Several frozen tears fall into the bottle. He looks at the frozen tears]'' Wow, that's not really a whole lot. Might have to hit you again. ''[The yeti bawls. An avalanche starts, and Lupin runs down the mountain]'' Damn it! Why couldn't I just leave well enough alone?! ---- :'''Jigen''': Hey, so what happened with the whole retreaty fasting thing? :'''Goemon''': Uh, well, I got hungry, and... Hey, I'm stuck out here. Could you give me a lift? :'''Jigen''': Hop in. I'm in sort of a hurry. ---- :'''Kaguya''': ''[seeing the frozen Lupin]'' What happened? Is he...? :'''Sherpa''': He'll be fine. But he said to give this to you. ''[He hands Kaguya the bottle with the frozen tears in it]'' :'''Kaguya''': And you're sure that these are the tears of the Yeti? :'''Sherpa''': I saw it. And the curse of the Yeti came down on him swiftly. :'''Kaguya''': That's so... sweet. :''[She kisses Lupin on the cheek. The young man blushes so furiously that steam rises from his head and shoulders]'' ---- :'''Goemon''': ''[seeing the frozen Lupin]'' ''That'' can't be comfortable. ---- :'''Jigen''': Hey, I know you guys think ''I'm'' a misogynist, but it's not exactly a red-letter day for ''your'' side of the argument. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[after being thawed out on a spit]'' Just great! You think you know a guy, then you turn around and he tries to eat you! ---- :'''Lupin''': Wow, a real sleeping prince... just like Tchaikovsky's! ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[about Kaguya]'' Goemon, look, I know she lied to us and everything, but come on. Cut her a break. Have a heart. :'''Goemon''': I'm not angry with her, it's that damn Fujiko I want to kill! ---- :'''Lupin''': ''Hey!! Fujiko!!'' :'''Fujiko''': Lupin, I can't share it with you! I don't know if there's enough for two! :'''Lupin''': '''I don't want any!''' ''Do you know what it is?! Do you?!?'' :'''Fujiko''': Yeah, an eternal youth potion of some kind. Why else would she want it? :'''Lupin''': You idiot! Kaguya had that created for her very sick husband! He's in a coma! :''[Fujiko gasps, horrified, at the terrible thing she's done]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': Yeah, it sucks being deceived like that, but at least it was all for a good cause. :'''Goemon''': Yes, well, perhaps that is true, but still, the act of betrayal by Fujiko was unforgivable and merits the very harshest punishment. :'''Jigen''': Here, here! :'''Fujiko''': Lupin, I think he really means it! :'''Lupin''': She's sorry! Really! She's learned her lesson this time, haven't you, Fujicakes? :''[Fujiko starts hiccuping, then flaps her arms uncontrollably. The potion has given her an unbelievably high amount of energy, like a caffeine buzz]'' :'''Lupin''': Uh... :'''Jigen''': It's not real harsh, maybe, but it sure as hell's funny. ---- :''[Lupin is in his hotel room, sleeping peacefully. Fujiko pounds on his door]'' :'''Fujiko''': ''[from outside]'' Lupin! Come on! I still can't sleep! Hey, come on! Wake up! Hey, Lupin! I'm bored! :''[Lupin sits up in bed]'' :'''Lupin''': Aw man, when the hell's this potion ever gonna wear off? :'''Fujiko''': I know you're in there! Let me in! Let's go dancing! :'''Lupin''' ''[burying his head back under the covers]'' I'm too tired to appreciate the irony. :'''Fujiko''': Come on, Lupin! ==== Episode 42, Lupin becomes a Bride ==== :'''Fujiko''': I never thought of you as the golddigger type, but it suits you somehow. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Looks like it's just you and me. ''[Lupin jumps over the railing, does a somersault in the air and grabs the hook to swing to the other side of the hull]'' LUPIIIIN! Damn it all, get back here! You're under arrest! ---- :'''Onabes''': Alright, I warned you, Mr. Zenigata. Now I'm afraid I'm going to have to insist that you leave the ship. :'''Zenigata''': ''[as he is dragged away by security]'' No! Mr. Onabes! Please! Hey! I can explain! This is all her fault! I mean, his fault! You see, she's... ---- :'''Onabes''': Amore! :'''Lupin''': What does that mean? :'''Onabes''': It means: "I want you, I must have you! Let me take you and start a family!" :''[He tackles the flabbergasted Lupin]'' :'''Onabes''': I absolutely refuse to let you up, Miss Mary, unless you promise to marry me! :'''Lupin''': WHAT? That's impossible! :''[Onabes forcefully kisses Lupin]'' :'''Lupin''': Damn it! :''[He slaps Onabes, then flips him over in a judo grip]'' :'''Lupin''': Just snap out of it! :'''Onabes''': Oh yes, flip me like a hamburger, baby! :''[Lupin covers his mouth and flees]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': I'm not even a friggin' woman! :'''Onabes''': Oh well, nobody's perfect. :''[Realizing he can't win, Lupin jumps down from the mast and lands on the deck. His makeup is now a mess]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[frazzled]'' All right! You win! I give up! But premarital sex is out of the question! ---- :'''Jigen''': He's a guy, Lupin, and you're a guy! And if you were that kind of guy, well, you could have friggin' told somebody! ==== Episode 43, Where Are the Peking Man's Bones ==== ==== Episode 44, The Vanishing Special Armored Car ==== :'''Lupin''': ''[as Zenigata]'' I do admit to sort of a perverse admiration. :'''Zenigata''': Admiration, my ass! Why don't you just admit it?! You ''ARE'' in love with the guy! And you always have been, haven't you? You big egomaniac! ---- :'''Jigen''': Friggin' birds can't get close to that thing, and I don't think I can pull off the backless look, either. I mean, not that it doesn't look absolutely stunning on you or anything, but it does take a certain androgynous quality, you know? :'''Lupin''': I swear, I'll beat you with your own hat. ''[Jigen laughs]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': Man, sure could have used Goemon's Zantetsu sword this time, huh? :''[Jigen sees a figure sitting on a crate]'' :'''Jigen''': Hmm? :'''Lupin''': I said, Goemon's sword would have come in handy! :''[Jigen recognizes the figure as Zenigata]'' :'''Jigen''': Huh? :'''Lupin''': I know, it's a bummer, but it's no use crying over spilled milk. We just gotta... :'''Jigen''': Lupin! You'd better get up here! ---- :'''Zenigata''': What's the matter, Lupin? Don't tell me I've stumped ya! I don't think I can take the shock! ''[He laughs, then starts suffocating]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': Yeah, that man's the last of a dying breed, Jigen. :'''Jigen''': You can say that again. :'''Lupin''': Kind of like u... ah... ah, ah, ah... ''[He sneezes]'' :'''Jigen''': Serves you right. I mean, uh, didn't your mama ever tell you not to go out without your pants on? :''[Lupin sees he's only wearing his boxers]'' :'''Lupin''': Oh, man. :''[They laugh]'' ==== Episode 48, Lupin Laughs while the Alarm Bell Rings ==== :''[Zenigata is woken by the telephone and answers it]'' :'''Zenigata''': Zenigata. :'''Lupin''': Hey, man. How's it hanging? :'''Zenigata''': I was just... :'''Lupin''': I refer to that big wad of drool hanging from your chin, you slacker. Then again, in your dreams is the only place you'll ever catch me. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[sneezing]'' You know, I think the whole thing went pretty well. :'''Jigen''': ''[sneezing]'' And that was really the best plan you could think of? :'''Lupin''': Gotta keep your eye on the prize. After all, the whole idea was to divert his attention. Remember that. And that's what counts. :'''Goemon''': Because now, Zenigata's gonna be practically living on that boat until they recover our bodies. :'''Lupin''': Exactly. ''[He sneezes again]'' ---- :''[One of the money bags gets stuck in a pulley]'' :'''Jigen''': Son of a bitch. Wouldn't you know it? Last one? :'''Lupin''': Stay cool, man. We'll get it. Easy does it now. :''[As they try to get the back through, one of the suction cups on the ceiling comes loose]'' :'''Jigen''': Damn piece of crap. :''[The suction cup unsticks, but Lupin and Jigen pull on the rope before the bag hits the floor. They sigh with relief]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[fearing the worst about Lupin]'' Good heavens, what have I done? ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[previewing the next episode]'' Next time I fall in love with Jackie O. Or maybe not. I don't know. My head hurts. It kind of looks like her and sure looks like love. Walking in the rain, putting on a little show for perverts with binoculars. Oh, he's not? He's trying to kill me? Actually, you know, that kind of adds a touch of kink. Anyway, catch you later in ''Snake Charmer''. ==== Episode 50, Lupin Whom I Loved, Part 1 ==== :'''Cornelia''': The constellations of the winter sky are dominated by the brilliant and dynamic figure of Orion. Legend has it, he was a powerfully built young huntsman of exceptional skill, whose love for the daughter of the treacherous king nearly spelled his doom. :''[As the audience the planetarium in rapt attention, Lupin sits in his seat, bored out of his mind and nearly falling asleep. He yawns]'' :'''Lupin''': If only Fujiko were here. This would be a very romantic date, but... Oh, well. It oughta begin in a minute. ---- :'''Jigen''': So, did you have the beef or the fish? That's what you get for being the inside man. ---- :''[Fujiko sees a flame beside her as she's driving and tries to light her cigarette with it]'' :'''Fujiko''': Thanks. :''[She turns around and sees that it was a zombie who lit the flame]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': Our hearts were beating like crazy. :'''Jigen''': This before or after you left the cell? :'''Lupin''': Just let me finish, willya? ---- :'''Lupin''': I don't know which is worse, that she's alive and doesn't remember me, or that she's here. ---- :''[Japanese original; Jigen gives up fighting the zombies and makes a run for it]'' :'''Goemon''': Jigen, where are you going? :'''Jigen''': Don't make me say what would hurt my pride! :'''Goemon''': Are we running away? :'''Jigen''': What choice have we got? ---- :''[English dub]'' :'''Goemon''': Jigen, wait! Where are you going? :'''Jigen''': I have absolutely no friggin' idea! :'''Goemon''': You mind if I come along? ==== Episode 53, The Mad Fantoma Mark III ==== :''[Lupin and Jigen stand face to face in their living rooms, hands at the ready]'' :'''Lupin''': So, this is it, huh? It's come to this. :'''Jigen''': Yep. 'Fraid so, Lupin. :'''Lupin''': Think you can take me on? :'''Jigen''': You said it yourself a million times, Lupin. I'm the quickest draw on the planet. :'''Lupin''': Next to me, that is. :'''Jigen''': Oh, man, this will be sweet. :''[Goemon gives the signal, and the two draw their remote controls. The TV switches back and forth between footage of a soap opera and what looks like Django]'' :'''Goemon''': I think we really need to get a second TV. :'''Lupin''': Hey, I've never missed a single episode of ''Housewives Theater'' in fifteen years and I'm not starting now. :'''Jigen''': That's too damn bad, pal. There's a first time for everything. Anyway, it's Spaghetti Western Sunday on Channel 5. :''[Lupin and Jigen continue switching between channels]'' :'''Jigen''': Dang! :'''Lupin''': No, no, there it is! :'''Jigen''': We're watching this! :'''Lupin''': Hey! No! :'''Jigen''': Would you come on? :'''Lupin''': There! :'''Jigen''': What are you...? :''[The TV goes to static]'' :'''Lupin''': No! :'''Jigen''': What the...? Oh, that's just great. :'''Lupin''': Stop it! Wonderful. Now look what you've done. :'''Jigen''': Yeah? You started it. ==== Episode 54, Detective Hanshichi's Ten-Year-Old Promise==== :'''Chief''': ''[as Zenigata bites sheepishly into his hat]'' Well, Zenigata. Look what happened. We did as you said, left with Hanshichi, and you, and the whole damn thing blew up in our faces. Now, what would you do if you were in my position, Inspector? ---- :'''Lupin''': Damn, he snookered us, the old fart! ==== Episode 57, Will It Be the Computer or Lupin? ==== :'''Zenigata''': Good gravy, this place sure goes on and on. ==== Episode 58, The Border is the Face of Farewell ==== :'''Zenigata''': ''[with a tear in his eye]'' These Russkies aren't very friendly, are they? ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[previewing the next episode]'' This next one's just too weird for words. It's sort of 'Twilight Zone' meets 'House of Wax' meets an exhausted writing staff under deadline pressure. ==== Episode 59, The Mysterious World of Madame X ==== :'''Zenigata''': ''[covered in glue]'' Mother said there would be days like this. Just not this many. Good thing I'm so undauntable, 'cause this kind of thing could really drive you crazy! ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[rubbing his eye]'' Man, I'm beat. ---- :'''Jigen''': Something's not right. :'''Goemon''': It just isn't like him. :'''Jigen''': I know. It's been two days now without even a word, and usually the problem is you can't shut him up. ---- :'''Lupin''': That crazy lady's gonna turn us all into wax figures. Even Fujiko. They got her upstairs, locked up. :''[His eyes fill with tears]'' :'''Jigen''': Hey, don't! Come on! Get a hold of yourself. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Bet you haven't even tried the most obvious thing. :''[He reaches for the doorknob]'' :'''Lupin''': No! Hold it, Pops! Wait! :''[Zenigata turns the doorknob and starts to sink into the floor]'' :'''Zenigata''': Help me! Please! :'''Jigen''': What the hell's going on here, Lupin? :'''Lupin''': Unfortunately, this kind of thing happens all the time around here. She's like some kind of evil witch. :'''Jigen''': ''[lifting Zenigata out]'' That's just great. Either of you guys wanna lend a hand? ---- :'''Lupin''': Uh, Goemon? :'''Goemon''': You need to remain calm. :'''Zenigata''': All right, you guys calm down. ''I'll'' freak out! :''[He runs away]'' ====Episode 61, The Flying Zantetsuken==== :'''Lupin''': ''[tipsy on bourbon]'' Come on, you knew we were drunks when you married us! :'''Jigen''': ''[also happily wasted on the bourbon]'' You know the truly great part? I don't care if I ever get better! :'''Fujiko''': ''[smiling craftily]'' Don't you tempt fate. It can be cruel. ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[answering the phone]'' Good morning. Zenigata speaking. ''WHAT?! IN A HOTEL IN BROAD DAYLIGHT?! WHO THE HELL IS THIS?!'' :'''Lupin''': ''[disguising his voice with an accent]'' The point is, he's here now. Aloha. ---- :''[Goemon tries to hang and shoot himself at the same time]'' :'''Lupin''': No, Goemon, stop! :'''Jigen''': Take it easy, man. :'''Goemon''': She may have put the sleeping pills in the drink, but it was I who kept asking for more. And now the sword, my very soul as a samurai, is gone! :'''Lupin''': I egged... you on! :'''Goemon''': It doesn't matter! The responsibility is solely my own! Don't force me to live in shame, Lupin! That's worse than death to me! ''[He sobs]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[while visiting Goemon in jail]'' Goemon, I don't know what's bugging you, but you haven't eaten for a week and that's not good for ya. I went to a lot of trouble to get that Japanese food brought in here. Please! Tell me you're not trying to starve yourself. That would be really bad for your health and my conscience. ---- :'''Lupin''': Hey, uh, Goemon? You know, technically, boneheaded stunts don't count as harakiri. ====Episode 62, The Sound of the Devil's Bells Call Lupin==== :''[Zenigata sees Lupin exit carrying a bunch of weapons]'' :'''Zenigata''': Uh, listen. Uh, you'd better come along with me right now. :'''Lupin''': Pops, I can't play right now. Sorry. Gotta go. Take care. :'''Zenigata''': Wait! Lupin! Hey! :''[Lupin springs into his Mercedes]'' :'''Zenigata''': Not so fast, wise guy! ''[He launches himself at the car and throws his handcuffs forward. As Lupin drives off, Zenigata finds that he's handcuffed several sticks of lit dynamite. He realizes what it is and runs off]'' Help! Somebody help! :''[The dynamite explodes as Lupin drives off down the road]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': So that's it, Gemarschaft. Looks just like any other peaceful, boring village. ''[He drives further into the seemingly empty village, gets out and looks around]'' Hmm, did I say peaceful? More like comatose. ---- :'''Lupin''': I gotta admit, I did have an unusually peaceful sleep last night. ''[He pulls out a pair of earplugs]'' Modern technology's really a wonderful thing. ---- :''[Sister Lavinia seemingly shoots Lupin's head off, and to her surprise he starts running off without it]'' :'''Lupin''': Sorry, sister. Didn't mean to lose my head. Toodles! ---- :''[Lupin blasts the bubble with a couple of missiles from his Mercedes]'' :'''Lupin''': And that is that. ''[To his astonishment, the bubble reforms]'' Aw, man. That may not be that. ---- :'''Lupin''': Okay, pal. Catch me if you can. ''[The bubble emerges underwater]'' Damn! I didn't mean it! ---- :'''Lavinia''': So, Lupin, do you see now that it's futile to try to escape from here? :''[Lupin stands up in a daze and knocks on his head several times]'' :'''Lavinia''': Last chance, now. Would you care to accept our invitation and join our brotherhood? :''[Lupin scowls defiantly]'' :'''Lupin''': You heard me, sister. No-one's gonna tell me how to live my life. ---- :'''Jigen''': Why do I feel like I just had a real bad dream? :'''Lupin''': Hey, Jigen, I was living in your bad dream. ====Episode 65, Lupin's Enemy is Lupin==== :'''Lupin''': Anyway, we'll find out as soon as we break in there. :'''Jigen''': [sarcastically] Oh, yeah. Great plan. We break into the place. Don't know why I didn't think of that. :'''Lupin''': This from a man who just came from dining on curry fit only for the immortals. We're blessed. It'll be a piece of cake. :''[Jigen laughs]'' ---- :'''Jigen''': What the...? Where did my hand go? :'''Lupin''': [panicked] Your hand?! :''[Jigen's hand emerges from its sleeve]'' :'''Jigen''': [relieved] Had me worried there. :'''Lupin''': ''[angrily punching Jigen in the stomach]'' Jigen, don't you ever do that to me again! :'''Jigen''': Sorry, man. ---- :'''Mr. X''': Damn it! How did you know I wasn't the real Lupin? :'''Jigen''': 'Cause the real Lupin would never say something all sappy and noble like "Kill me if you're my friend." He'd be squealing for his life like a little girl. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[imitating Mr. X]'' And our long story comes to a happy ending! ''[He cackles]'' :'''Jigen''': ''[drawing his gun, thinking Mr. X tricked him into killing Lupin]'' Bastard! :'''Lupin''': Kidding! Kidding! Just messin' with ya! ====Episode 66, Shooting Orders!==== :'''Jigen''': Speaking of accuracy, I noticed something about that gun that Beauty was waving around yesterday. It's got a venturi built on it, and that's used for cooling the barrel so that the heat won't affect your aim. It's state of the art. Your Walther P-38 was originally manufactured all the way back in the 1930s. All I'm saying is, Beauty's got a .44 Colt A. Python that was made only a few years ago, and that's the difference. You do the math, Lupin. ---- :'''Lupin''': The sun, it's setting. ''[He coughs]'' Seems kind of early for it. But I guess it's... ''[He coughs again]'' ... Just my time. ''[He faints]'' :'''Fujiko''': ''[thinking he died]'' No, it isn't, Lupin! It's not your time yet! ---- :'''Lupin''': Listen to you guys! Bitch, bitch, bitch! Look at me! What the hell's going on? I'm fine, so what's with the funeral? Well?! ---- :'''Jigen''': Was it, uh, supposed to work like that? :'''Lupin''': I'm not a chemist or anything, you know, but I think I might've added a little too much explosive. Probably shouldn't do that kind of thing when you're in a bad mood. ====Episode 69, The Woman the Old Man Fell in Love With==== :'''Zenigata''': Some billionaire bites the big one, so what? Would he care if ''I'' died? ---- :'''Lupin''': Hey, guys. Shouldn't we be out stealing something, or running for our lives, or, uh... I dunno, something? I feel like I'm in a rest home here. ---- :'''Lupin''': Whoa! Get a load of this! It's Pops, and he's being chased by somebody. And there's a girl with him, and she's hot! What the hell is wrong with this picture? :'''Jigen''': Well, if you're right, it's the end of the friggin' world! ---- :'''Zenigata''': I'm prepared to beg if I have to! You gotta help Laura! She's caught in a jam! My pride doesn't matter to me, only Laura's safety! ---- :''[Japanese original]'' :'''Lupin''': By the way, Pops, how come you're going out of your way like this for her? :'''Zenigata''': Well, it's because... :'''Lupin''': You're in love with her, aren't you? :'''Zenigata''': ''[blushing furiously]'' D-d-don't be ridiculous! I'm a public servant! :''[He gives Lupin a playful shove. Lupin points to Laura]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[grinning mischievously at Zenigata]'' There she is! :'''Zenigata''': ''[bashfully covering his face with his hat]'' Oh, come on, Lupin! ---- :'''Fujiko''': Lying on that alleviates your stomach thing? :'''Cabane''': I didn't get to where I am today by taking a lot of stuff for granted. Get what I mean? I ain't movin' until I unlock this! :'''Fujiko''': What a big pain in the butt. :'''Cabane''': Hey! Speak up, I can't hear you! :'''Fujiko''': Oh! Uh, never mind. Just some girl stuff, is all. :''[The camera pans down to reveal that "Fujiko" has hairier legs than usual]'' ---- :'''Jigen''': Pops. I... We tried. I'm sorry. Anyway, Lupin's alive. Look, if you wanna get those bastards, hop in. ''[Zenigata gets in, and glances for a moment at Fujiko, who is bound and gagged in the back seat]'' If you're a little surprised to see Fujiko here, we'll fill you in. ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[over the tape]'' Never, Laura. :'''Laura''': ''[over the tape]'' Oh, I love to hear you say my name. Say it again. :''[From out of the corner of his eye, Lupin notices Cabane's men howling and whooping at him]'' :'''Cabane''': Shaddap! :''[The men immediately stop and try to look professional]'' ---- :'''Goemon''': I, Goemon Ishikawa, say to you: Ha ha! ====Episode 71, Lupin vs. the Shinsengumi==== :''[Lupin drives past a police car, laughing. The police officer notices him and turns to Zenigata, who is resting in the front passenger seat]'' :'''Police Officer''': The guy in the convertible that just went by seemed kinda strange. :'''Zenigata''': Let him go. I'm not in this one. :''[He gives his colleague a little smile, then yawns]'' :'''Police Officer''': 'Kay. ====Episode 72, The Skateboard Murder Mystery==== :'''Jigen''': You didn't... I mean, you wouldn't...? :'''Lupin''': Aw man, you too? Look, I friggin' saved the guy! :'''Jigen''': Yeah, good luck convincing Boronco's men of that. :'''Lupin''': ''[grumbling]'' D'ah, friggin... d'ahh! ''[He sees the blockade]'' Hey, they've already blocked the street off! Hang on, Jigen! :''[Lupin swerves through the blockade, but one of Boronco's men fires a couple of canisters of knockout gas into the car]'' :'''Lupin''': I always thought I missed my true calling as a stunt driver in action movies, you know? ''[He sees Jigen coughing]'' Huh? :'''Guard''': Well that oughta knock 'em out. :''[Boronco arrives in on his skateboard]'' :'''Bolonco''': How'd everything go, Officer? :'''Guard''': Just like a dream. :''[Boronco goes over to Lupin and Jigen, who are completely knocked out]'' ---- :'''Lupin and Jigen''': ''[playing a clapping game]'' Eighty eight days now in the spring, summer's upon us so everyone sing: Pat a cake, pat a cake, baker's man, bake me a cake as fast as you can! :''[They push the halves of the truck apart and dive out of it]'' ---- :'''Jigen''': Huh. I never heard of a football coming with a timer. ''[He places the football to his ear]'' Hmm... :'''Goemon''': Jigen! They don't! :'''Jigen''': ''[panicked]'' Friggin' hell! That means that this thing... This thing here is a... :''[The football explodes]'' :'''Lupin''': Damn! That's it! That little Boronco brat has picked the wrong playmate this time! :'''Goemon''': If you keep thinking of him as just as a kid, then he's gonna keep on playing with you until he wins! ---- :'''Scientist''': Excuse me, Boronco, but this is the fake sapphire you ordered. :'''Boronco''': There's no way he could have...? ---- :''[thanks to Lupin and Fujiko's squabbling, the group ends up losing the Eye of Solomon]'' :'''Goemon''': I'm reconsidering my membership in this whole enterprise! :'''Jigen''': Can you reconsider mine, too? ---- :'''Zenigata''': Stop! You're under arrest, Lupin! You hear me? Just pull over now... Or not! I gotta admit, I really love the chase. :'''Lupin''': I sure wish ''he'd'' reconsider his role in this whole enterprise. ====Episode 73, Flowers and Storms and a Thieves' Race==== :''[Lupin throws his empty food box out of the car]'' :'''Jigen''': Hey, hey! Set an example, will ya? There's kids watching. :''' Lupin''': What are you saying? I put it in the trash. :''[Lupin's trash is seen carelessly disposed on top of a garbage truck]'' ---- :'''Tokumitsu''': Tokumitsu here, reporting live from the scene of the crispy carnage that earlier today thrilled audiences around the world. And a spellbinding barbecue it was, too. Oh, but don't just take my word for it. We have a badly wounded survivor of the tragedy with us. Perhaps I can get him to talk to us. Pardon the interruption, but on a scale of one to ten, ten being the highest, how much pain are you in? ''[The wounded man gives a dying groan]'' Well, thank you very much, and best of luck from all of us on your imminent death. ---- :'''Jigen''': All this co-piloting's kinda exhausting. Think I'll take me a little nap. You can wake me up when we get to heaven. And if we end up in the other place, just let me sleep. ====Episode 74, The Terrifying Chameleon Man==== :'''Lupin''': ''[about the diamond]'' Now I can't seem to decide if I should let Pops lick this thing or not. :'''Fujiko''': Can we vote on it? ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[playing cards with a dozing Jigen]'' Pathetic. Can't even beat him asleep. :'''Goemon''': ''[waiting for the mysterious lurker to arrive]'' I think we may be waiting for Godot. ---- :'''Lupin''': You know, in all these years, you've never given me a simple goodnight kiss. :'''Fujiko''': Just the cheek. Wouldn't want to arouse you. :'''Lupin''': Any old cheek you want, I've got four! ---- :'''Fujiko''': Buy a Q-tip, will you? That's really gross. Better luck next time. :'''Lupin''': Huh...? Of all the friggin'... ''Earwax?!?'' ''[He sits on his bed, angrily pulls off his shoes and tosses them out the room, inadvertently hitting the two chameleon men]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': It's alright, it's just a party favor. Happy New Year. ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[while watching Zenigata chase after insects]'' Real shame you had to whittle down that diamond. It's three months of bug-eating for him. :'''Goemon''': I don't know. I think he enjoys feeling like a kid again. :''[Lupin walks by covered in yellow flowers, humming to himself]'' :'''Jigen''': Hey, what's with the Woodstock get-up, nature boy? :'''Lupin''': Shh! It's just camouflage. Don't tell her, okay? :''[Lupin lies down on the ground and hides among the flowers, waiting for Fujiko]'' :'''Goemon''': ''[sighing]'' He never ''stopped'' being a kid. ====Episode 75, Fujiko Doesn't Look Good in a Wedding Dress==== :'''Jigen''': You're not acting like a man, you're acting like a little kid who's seen too many cornball chick flicks! ---- :'''Fujiko''': Lupin, it's me. What the hell's going on? Where am I? :'''Lupin''': Finally! Damn, you're a heavy sleeper. What do you mean, where are you? You're in Hafner's mansion. ---- :''[During a gunfight, Jigen gets his hat shot off]'' :'''Jigen''': Damn it! :''[He tries to retrieve it but a hail of bullets keeps him away]'' :'''Goemon''': Sorry, but you're going to have to finish this one without your hat! Now come on! :'''Jigen''': They've got no idea what terrible fury they've just unleashed... ---- :'''Jigen''': Great. Friggin' chlorine's gonna bleach my hat. ---- :'''Fujiko''': I'm still in mourning, you know. And I've got assets to go through. ====Episode 76, Do You Know Shakespeare?==== :'''Jigen''': Yeah, just my luck. Snow in Venice, of all places. I'll bet the sun comes out the minute I drag my sorry ass out of here. :'''Angelica''': Excuse me, are you all right? :'''Jigen''': Yeah, I always talk to myself. ---- :'''Jigen''': Turns out the car was hers. A nice one. A Rolls. I mean, I owe her something for blowing it up. :'''Goemon''': I can't help feeling there's more to the story. :'''Lupin''': ''[grinning mischievously]'' And we got a whole lot of extra time. Come on, Jigen. Cough it up. :'''Jigen''': ''[shyly]'' It's just... Look, I've told you the part I'm okay talking about. ---- :''[Angelica searches the ruins and starts off at a run]'' :'''Jigen''': Hey, Angelica, wait! Where are you going? ''[Angelica sees bodies crushed beneath the rubble]'' :'''Angelica''': Oh, God... It's too horrible! ''[She runs through the ruins]'' :'''Jigen''': ''[deeply concerned and afraid for Angelica's life]'' Wait! There may be unexploded bombs! Angelica, please stay where you are! Angelica, listen to me! It's not safe! ''[Angelica doesn't listen to Jigen and keeps running]'' Hey! Just come back! You'll get hurt! ''[Angelica accidentally steps on a bomb. Jigen runs towards her]'' Angelica! Angelica! Damn it! :''[Angelica opens her eyes]'' :'''Angelica''': Don't swear. :'''Jigen''': Why would someone like you ever become a nun anyway? Gotta help me with that. I mean, as I recall, your family was loaded. You were practically royalty. :'''Angelica''': Well, it's only fair I tell you, since you influenced my decision. But I'm happy, believe me. After you left, I was empty. So I devoted myself to God. Now I'm finally feeling his promise of peace has fulfilled in me. I'm in your arms again. I lived to see the doctor rescued. May you know peace, Jigen, my love. ''[She dies in his arms]'' :'''Jigen''': No! Angelica! :''[He cradles her body, sobbing]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': Sorry, sir, about your game. :'''President''': Bugger off. :''[the President and his assistant enter the helicopter] :'''Zenigata''': ''[confused]'' Uh, you just... ''[They slam the helicopter door]'' You go on ahead, sir. I'll take care of everything. ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[at Angelica's grave]'' All my skills, and I couldn't save ya. I'll have to live with that, but I doubt I'll come to any kinda peace with it. Pray for me. ====Episode 78, Diamonds Gleaming in the Robot's Eye==== :'''Lupin''': ''[drowsily answering the phone]'' The number you've dialed is no longer in service. Check your telephone directory or the information operator for the correct number and go to hell. ''[He hangs up, but the phone rings again and falls off the dresser. Lupin slithers out of bed and lies half out of it with his mouth near the reciever]'' You've reached Lupin's mouth. His brain is still asleep. Oh, then you prefer to speak to somebody else? Okay. ''JIGEN!! PHONE!! IT'S FOR YOU!!!'' ---- :''[Lupin, Jigen and Goemon carry the robot up the stairs]'' :'''Jigen''': I don't get it. None of Gavott's people seem to be anywhere around the place. :'''Lupin''': Got a problem with that? ---- :'''Lupin''': I mean, even if a thing like this worked, what would anyone use it for? You wouldn't happen to have a giant paperclip on you, would you? ''[He tests it]'' Not much of a super electro-magnet. ---- :'''Jigen''': Huh. "Dr. Pot's Patented Automatic Nose Blower. To activate, just hold in front of face." ''[A tiny hand comes up out of the box]'' Hey, get a load of this. It's cute. ''[The hand picks up a tissue and pinches Jigen hard on the nose]'' Oww! Ahh! Gahh! Damn it! ''[He pulls the box to try and get the thing off]'' ---- :'''Baby''': And just 'cause Gavotte let the doctor go doesn't mean he isn't gonna rub you guys out. ''[to Jigen]'' And you, I'm gonna pluck that beard off your face myself before he kills ya! ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[about the dismantled robot]'' Well, why don't we get to work on old Humpty Dumpty? :'''Fujiko''': That doesn't sound good. All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty together again. :'''Lupin''': Don't worry. I've done this twice before. :'''Goemon''': You've assembled a robot? :'''Lupin''': Nah. A ship and a tank. :'''Fujiko''': A ship and a tank? :'''Goemon''': That's really quite impressive. :'''Lupin''': Yeah, used to spend all my allowance on those hobby kits of model ships and tanks. :'''Goemon''': Huh? :'''Fujiko''': You mean you've been talking about ''model'' airplanes and toys? :'''Lupin''': ''[after completing the robot]'' Sure. Keeps a young man's hands out of trouble. ====Episode 79, Funeral March for Lupin==== :'''Jigen''': ''[hearing that the concert will have a jeweled baton]'' You know, Lupin, I don't know if I've told you, but I've been a big classical music fan ever since I was a kid. :'''Lupin''': What? You've always been a ballads kind of guy. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[nervously twiddling his thumbs]'' I never told you about this, Fujicakes, but I very nearly took up the bassoon. :''[Fujiko blows smoke in his face]'' :'''Fujiko''': And I very nearly took up with a baboon. :''[She throws her cigarette holder into Lupin's mouth]'' :'''Lupin''': Very funny. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[to Jigen, who is snoring in the seat next to him]'' Didn't you mention you were a fan of all this classical crap? :''[Jigen nods sleepily. Lupin yawns and dozes off as well]'' :'''Fujiko''': ''[to Goemon]'' But they could stay up all night for some kung-fu epic. ---- :'''Lupin''': Looks like Pops is getting serious. :'''Jigen''': Better hope so, 'cause if that ain't serious, I don't know what serious is. ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[after his hypnosis is over]'' Huh? Why the hell'd I pull this out? ---- :''[Goemon notices the couch he damaged while under hypnosis]'' :'''Goemon''': What in the world did I just do? :'''Jigen''': Nothing, just tried to Cuisinart us to death, pally! ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[about Kyoransky]'' Does he replace all those chandeliers every time he kills somebody? ---- :'''Fujiko''': ''[finding that Lupin had secretly removed her underwear]'' Stupid adolescent... ---- :''[Lupin is about to explain his plan to defeat Kyoransky]'' :'''Lupin''': Anyway, take a look at this. :''[He pulls out a ladle]'' :'''Jigen''': Okay, I don't understand. :'''Goemon''': It's a straining ladle for cooking. :'''Jigen''': I know that, but what are you gonna do? Challenge Kyoransky to a bake off? ---- :'''Zenigata''': Lupin, the masquerade's over! Take off the disguise! :'''Lupin''': Thanks a lot! This wig itches. ---- :'''Jigen''': That's a wrap. ---- :'''Kyoransky''': My father was Momanitt Mulchy. When he was alive, he was a master jeweler. But you killed him in cold blood. :'''Lupin''': I only kill in self-defense, which means I don't regret it. ---- :'''Lupin''': You see, I figured out how it is you managed to control with that glittering baton of yours. It emits a high-pitched sound, like a dog whistle. But, you see, the thing is, yours only produces a single tone, whereas mine, on the other hand, has, um... One, two, three... Boy, there's a lot. ---- :'''Zenigata''': You wanna fill me in on what just happened here? ====Episode 80, The Last Meal is a Cup Ramen==== :'''Goemon''': How come grifters never think they'll get grifted? ---- :'''Lupin''': Who put all this pepper in here? ---- :'''Warden''': After him! Lupin has escaped! Don't let him get away! :'''Zenigata''': ''[gleefully sarcastic]'' Yes, what a shame! Lupin has escaped! ====Episode 82, The Rescue Pops Operation==== :'''Zenigata''': Damn it, Lupin! I'm going to get killed because of you. I'm totally going to haunt you. :''[Lupin turns on a transmission]'' :'''Lupin''': I don't mind being haunted by a cute girl. Not sure about you, Pops. And I really feel for you guys, having to take care of a klutz like Pops! ---- :'''Zenigata''': Lupin! Do you want to make a fool out of me, Zenigata? I absolutely refuse to be exchanged as a hostage by the likes of you! :''[He kicks stuff around like an angry toddler. He finds a stick of dynamite that rolled out, then picks it up with his teeth and throws it into the fireplace. The terrorists panic and run for cover. Zenigata stands in the middle of the room, eyes shut tight, sweating profusely and bracing himself for death. No explosion comes. Zenigata's still alive. He looks behind his shoulder and sees that the dynamite was actually a dud with a microphone hid inside. One of the terrorists faints. The men angrily pile on Zenigata as he sinks, crying, to his knees]'' :'''Zenigata''': Shut up! :''[He kicks them away]'' :'''Zenigata''': I'm such a failure, I can't even die properly! :''[He cries and kicks his feet pathetically]'' ---- :'''Napoleon''': The reason why I decided to conquer the world was that it was too noisy for me to sleep in. ''[The gang looks at him, shocked]'' Quite ironic that I found the ideal place in that underground prison. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[tapping the face of Napoleon, who is disguised as him]'' Wow, what a heavy sleeper. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[disguised as Napoleon]'' Inspector Zenigata, why don't we make a deal? I hate Lupin for putting me through this. How would you like to capture him yourself? :'''Zenigata''': I'll take you up on that offer! :''[He rams into Lupin and shoves him into a bush]'' ---- :''[Zenigata sees the helicopter exploding in the distance, as Lupin, who is disguised as Napoleon, stands next to him]'' :'''Zenigata''': L... Lupin... :'''Lupin''': What's the matter? Aren't you pleased? :'''Zenigata''': ''[sniffling]'' I'm sad because a good man has died. :'''Lupin''': A good man? :''[Another explosion occurs. Zenigata breaks into a run]'' :'''Zenigata''': Lupin, if you're alive, let's fight again. :''[The smoke from the wreckage billows out. Zenigata stops suddenly. Lupin runs up beside him. As the musical cue 'Zenigata March' plays in the background, Zenigata stares in disbelief. He starts to cry and sinks to his knees]'' :'''Zenigata''': L... Lupin... We were on different sides of the law, but I liked you. :''[He collapses and beats the ground, sobbing. Lupin smiles warmly]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[in thought]'' I like you, too. ---- :'''Jigen''': Love isn't allowed in a man's world. :'''Lupin''': Come on, Jigen, don't be so mean. ====Episode 84, Leave Revenge to Lupin==== :'''Jigen''': ''[answering the phone]'' Huh? :'''Joe of Spade''': Jigen! I'm being chased! Help me! This is Joe! :'''Jigen''': Joe? What's the matter? Where are you? :'''Joe of Spade''': I'm in Maria's restaurant. :''[Joe's two pursuers kick the door open. Joe draws but isn't able to fire. He backs away in terror]'' :'''Jigen''': ''[over the phone]'' Joe, answer me! What's the matter with you, Joe? :'''Male voice''': [over the phone] Go to hell, you idiot! :''[From over the phone comes the sound of gunfire]'' :'''Jigen''': JOE! :''[Jigen's panicked cries wake Lupin, who sleepily shuffles out of his room, clutching a pillow. The international thief and criminal looks profoundly innocent standing in the doorway like this]'' :'''Lupin''': Jigen, what's going on? :'''Jigen''': It's bad. My mentor's going to get bumped off. :'''Lupin''': ''[half-asleep]'' Huh...? :'''Jigen''': He's a man named Joe of Spade... Lupin, will you go to Marseille with me? :''[Lupin responds with a loud yawn]'' :'''Lupin''': It's the middle of the night... :''[Jigen carries Lupin over his shoulder into the Mercedes and drives into the night with him in the front passenger seat]'' ---- :'''Chief''': Lupin III is a thief who was born in France. He has a clear head, and he's the grandson of Arsene Lupin. He's bound to be patriotic. :'''Zenigata''': Yes, he may be, slightly... ---- :''[Lupin appears in Joe's teleporter. His hair crackles with static and he wears a dazed expression]'' :'''Joe''': Lupin! What are you doing here? :''[He curiously walks over to Lupin to closely inspect him. The young man rolls out, curled up in a tight ball, in the middle of the room. Slowly, he unfolds his legs, then his arms, rolling onto his back, and then a sitting position. He sets his head straight, then pinches his cheek, then his nose, then his ears, then feels his eyes, his head and chin, squishes his cheeks, feels his mouth, and finally slaps his face before shaking his head. He sits, still in a daze, and blinks. He looks around]'' :'''Lupin''': Oh, Joe! That means the electric waves have successfully transmitted me! ==== Episode 87, When the Devil Beckons to Lupin ==== :''[The gang finds Lupin lying asleep in the middle of the road]'' :'''Fujiko''': ''[cradling him]'' Lupin! Hang on! :'''Goemon''': There's only one way to wake up from hypnosis. ''[He kicks Lupin squarely in the behind]'' ---- :'''Peter''': Have you even met the Gestapo? They're devils. They're barely even human! :'''Lupin''': ''[jokingly]'' I thought ''you'' were the devil. :'''Peter''': Shut up! Give me the diamond! ---- :'''Lupin''': Stop it, Peter! :'''Peter''': Welcome, Lupin. I'll kill you along with the rest. :''[He gets out a lighter. Lupin pulls out the Dragon's Tear]'' :'''Lupin''': So you don't want the Dragon's Tear? :'''Peter''': I have no need for that. From the beginning, all I wanted was to kill every one of those bastard Nazis. :'''Lupin''': ''[drawing his Walther]'' I can't let you do that! :''[They pause for a long time. Peter nears the lighter close to the fuse. Lupin shoots it away, then shoots one of the ropes. One of the stakes goes flying and impales Peter. The horrific sight causes Lupin to avert his eyes. The balloon floats away with Peter still impaled on the stake. Lupin and his gang sadly watch the balloon]'' ==== Episode 89, Play the Thieves' Symphony==== :''[Fujiko has seen Lupin dozing in his seat while listening to Beethoven's Eroica]'' :'''Fujiko''': Lupin, since when were you a fan of classical music? :'''Lupin''': Well, ''Eroica'' is a good lullaby, you know? ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[muted]'' Goemon, what's going on? :'''Goemon''': ''[muted]'' I don't know, but there are fleas around. I feel itchy. ---- :'''Lupin''': It's a silencer that silences all sound! Now we're almost in the nuclear safe. :'''Jigen''': Anyway, you can take a bath now. ---- :'''Jigen''': Hey, why don't you go out for a walk? Huh? ''[Lupin ignores him]'' I guess not. ---- :'''Jigen''': No matter what kind of art it may be, I don't appreciate it. ---- :'''Lupin''': Pops? :'''Zenigata''': Don't call me "Pops". I'm not your relative, Lupin. ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[mouth full of balloon]'' Wawawd! I wiw wewwewew wis. ---- :'''Lupin''': Music isn't all about ballads. ==== Episode 97, Find the Treasure of Lupin the First ==== :''[While Lupin is kissing Fujiko, he swallows something]'' :'''Lupin''': Did you just feed me something? :'''Fujiko''': ''[coyly]'' You're right. :'''Lupin''': ''[giggling]'' I get it. You wanna go all night, right? :'''Fujiko''': It's the opposite. :'''Lupin''': The opposite? :'''Fujiko''': It'll make you sleep like a log. :'''Lupin''': Sleep like a... :''[He tumbles out of the bed and passes out]'' ---- :''[Lupin, Jigen and Goemon are handcuffed to a tree branch by Zenigata]'' :'''Lupin''': Hey, Zenigata, what are you going to do with us? :'''Zenigata''': I'm not going to do anything. :'''Lupin''': You're not going to do anything? What do you mean? Why won't you arrest us? :'''Zenigata''': According to the findings from the ICPO investigation, three men suspected as killers are riding the airship Paradise, which is on a goodwill mission. One of the men is from America, one is from Britain and the third is from the USSR. And the target seems to be you, Lupin the Third. :'''Lupin''': Thanks for the information. But Pops, why are you going out of your way to help us? :''[Zenigata says nothing, but turns and silently walks away. He stops suddenly]'' :'''Zenigata''': I heard they have strange killing techniques. Be careful. :'''Lupin''': Now I understand why you showed us your capture technique. :'''Zenigata''': ''[suddenly acting like a tsundere]'' You idiot! What kind of policeman would do such a thing?... Good luck anyway. :'''Jigen and Goemon''': Good luck? :'''Lupin''': ''[smiling warmly]'' He's too nice to be a policeman. ---- :''[Lupin watches a walking doll grow into a giant]'' :'''Lupin''': It's so big! Call it off! ''[He flees through the doorway]'' Stop, stop, stop! ''[The doll crashes through, breaking down the wall]'' Big ladies aren't my type! No means no! ''[He's backed against another wall. The doll tries to make a grab for him]'' This is the opposite of stopping! We're not a good match! We'd stand out! ''[The doll slips and falls on top of him]'' Help! I can't breathe! Come on, help me out of here! :'''Rasputan''': This is the special dummy I had prepared for you. :''[The doll shrinks back to its normal size]'' :'''Lupin''': That was bad. :''[He watches the doll walking as Rasputan laughs]'' :''' ==== Episode 98, The Day the Old Man Died ==== :'''Lupin''': Sure would be nice, going up to Heaven with Pops, hand in hand. ---- :''[Zenigata wakes up underwater and surfaces in the Seine]'' :'''Lupin''': Good grief! Pops is alive! :'''Zenigata''': Lupin! You're under arrest! :'''Lupin''': What's going on here? :'''Jigen''': No idea. :'''Goemon''': ''[hearing Truffaut's men]'' They're coming. :''[The gang jumps into the river. Lupin knocks Zenigata out with a stick as he does so]'' :'''Lupin''': You play dead now, Pops. ---- :'''Goemon''': ''[to Truffaut]'' I feel sorry for the officer you killed. His parents are still alive. :'''Zenigata''': ''[in tears]'' He was my shooting teacher at ICPO! A very kind officer! That's why he used the tranquilizer bullet on me. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Lupin... Thank you. ==== Episode 104, The Most Dangerous Golden Bed ==== :'''Butler''': May I ask who this is? :'''Zenigata''': I'm the man on this card. :''[He presents his business card, which has the name "Kouichi Zenigata" written on it]'' :'''Zenigata''': I'm Inspector Zenigata from Japan! :''[He dutifully salutes]'' :'''Morgan''': I didn't ask the Japanese police to assist me. ==== Episode 106, You're a Cat, I'm a Dried Tuna ==== :'''Vivian''': ''[to the camera]'' Oh, I shouldn't have lied. :'''Zenigata''': What were you saying just now? :'''Vivian''': Uh, nothing... ---- :'''Lupin''': Why would I steal a pencil-eating cat? ---- :'''Lupin''': My life needs excitement, not cuteness. ---- :'''Goemon''': It's just a kids' newspaper. ---- :''[Jigen whittles at a pencil, meowing]'' :'''Jigen''': Meow, I said! ''[He puts the shavings underneath a basket as a trap]'' Can I really catch it this way? ''[He goes to hide behind a chimney and waits. Some time later, Jigen dozes off]'' ---- :'''Bucky''': A famous person wasting time for a lost cat must be very rich. ---- :'''Goemon''': I can't do something this silly anymore. :'''Fujiko''': Me neither. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[putting the cat in a letterbox]'' Post! ''[The young man hides in an alleyway as Bucky, Butcher and Vivian run past. A mailman drives by Lupin on a motorcycle and hands him a package. He opens it and the cat emerges. It jumps onto his shoulder affectionately]'' Why me? ---- :'''Lupin''': Stop the noise! ''[He makes faces at the cat, like a parent would to a baby]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': You're a strange cat. How is this tasty? ''[He tries one of the "pencil shavings" and finds it to have a familiar taste. He inspects the shavings closer]'' This is dried tuna. ---- :'''Lupin''': Go on! Go away. Shoo, shoo! Shoo! Shoo! Go on. You rascal. ''[The cat, in its unconditional love for Lupin, starts to walk away, but decides it will refuse to leave him and walks back towards him]'' I'm a dog. ''[The cat, who doesn't speak or understand human and finds Lupin entertaining, meows with delight and jumps onto his leg]'' Oh, good grief. ---- :'''Zenigata''': I don't care about the cat. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Alright, let's retreat. :'''Vivian''': This is... Mr. Dorogata, that's my cat! Please, search harder! :'''Zenigata''': The name's ''Zeni''gata. ==== Episode 110, Hot Shot, This Is Fujiko ==== :'''Lupin''': Jigen, I'll take one for you. :'''Jigen''': Maybe it's better if I've had a shower first? :'''Lupin''': It doesn't make a difference anyway. :''[He takes a picture of Jigen. A photo comes out. Lupin looks at it with surprise]'' :'''Jigen''': What? What's on it? :''[He finds to his bewilderment that it's a photo three minutes into the future of him in the shower, completely nude]'' ---- :''[On a nudist beach, Zenigata, in boxers, cringes before a trio of women]'' :'''Woman 1''': Come on and take your clothes off. It's the rules here. :'''Woman 2''': A person is most beautiful when they're in the nude. :'''Woman 3''': That's right. ''[She pulls on Zenigata's boxers]'' Here, put this on. ==== Episode 112, Goemon's Close Call ==== :'''Lupin''': You went through this for my sake. :'''Goemon''': If I betrayed my comrades, I'd rather die. :'''Lupin''': ''[stroking Goemon's hair]'' You're a fool. A real fool! :''[He hugs Goemon tightly and cries]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[previewing the next episode]'' "My only goal is to arrest Lupin." Bah! And now Old Man Zenigata is playing Chuushingura to arrest me! The next one is "Operation Chuushingura". See ya! ==== Episode 113, The Name of the Operation is Chuushingura ==== :''[Lupin and Jigen are munching away on biscuits at a kabuki play when they notice Goemon clutching his Zantetsuken and crying, enthralled by the play. Lupin, looking displeasedly at Goemon, is about to take another bite of his biscuit when Jigen yanks it away, and Lupin ends up biting his own teeth]'' :'''Lupin''': Ouch! What did you do that for? ''[He reaches for his biscuit again but Jigen slaps his hand away and points at the weeping Goemon. Lupin leaves the theater]'' Just like kids, coming to watch Chuushingura every year. Are the Japanese idiots? ---- :'''Zenigata''': How could they sack you, chief? :'''Chief Asano''': It doesn't matter, Zenigata. I alone doomed myself. As a law keeper, I shouldn't use violence. :''[Zenigata silently bursts into tears]'' :'''Chief Asano''': But if I knew this would happen, I'd have trashed that minister. :'''Zenigata''': I'm sorry. I shouldn't have stopped you. :'''Chief Asano''': Doesn't matter. You must go on. ---- :''[On a boat, Kira complains to a blind drunk Lupin]'' :'''Kira''': I'm very old, of course I'm degenerated. Why must I be treated as the bad guy? :'''Lupin''': Old man, don't cry. Here's another cup. :'''Kira''': Ooishi Kuranosuke, I hate you. :'''Lupin''': Don't look so mean. :'''Kira''': Right. The topic is the treasure. :'''Lupin''': Is there really a treasure? :'''Kira''': Of course there is. I, Kira Kozuenosuke, used my degenerate ways to gather this treasure. :'''Lupin''': If we were meant to meet, I'll investigate it for you. ---- :''[The plane Lupin is flying is low on fuel]'' :'''Lupin''': We're out of gas. :'''Fujiko''': There's a gas station over there. :'''Lupin''': This isn't a car! ---- :'''Kira''': My hands are cold because... I'm a ghost. :''[After a second, Lupin bursts out laughing]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[pounding the table]'' "I'm a ghost"! That's a good one. :''[His friends watch in astonishment as the man literally vanishes into thin air]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[drunk and talking in his sleep]'' Can't take more... ---- :'''Lupin''': Let's see how serious they are. ''[He holds up a white flag. The officer shoots it]'' They're serious. ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[imitating Oishi]'' Comrades of mine, our time has come! :'''Police''': Yes! :''[Zenigata tries to bang the drum but smashes the skin instead]'' :'''Zenigata''': Oops. :'''Officer''': He's taking this act too much to heart. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[in a flirtatious pose]'' Ginger ale later! ==== Episode 121, The Treasure My Grandfather Left Behind ==== :'''Jigen''': Let's save him. ''[He plays the flute]'' :'''Zenigata''': ''[still wrestling with the snake]'' That's the wrong end! :'''Jigen''': My bad. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[dazed]'' Fujiko, what do you conclude from this? :'''Fujiko''': Let's see... Be careful of the floor and the stairs. :'''Lupin''': Oh yeah, that's right. ''[He faints]'' ---- :''[Lupin slips down a flight of stairs]'' :'''Lupin''': This is the last straw! Ain't there an escalator?! ---- :'''Lupin''': What the hell is all this sheep doing here? :'''Gregoire''': Don't be irritated. It's not good for your health. You know, count sheep when you can't fall asleep? I suggest you take a nap till they all leave. :'''Lupin''': Don't talk bullshit. ''[He yells at the sheep]'' Hey, go on! Shoo! Come on! I need that statue! ---- :''[Jigen sees Lupin sitting in the middle of the courtyard. Butterflies circle around his head]'' :'''Jigen''': Lupin! ''[He rushes forward and shakes the dozing Lupin by the head]'' Wake up, Lupin! :'''Lupin''': Three billion, six hundred and fifty seven million, six thousand... :'''Jigen''': ''[smacking Lupin lightly on the head to wake him up]'' What kind of talk is that? We know the guy's real identity now. :'''Fujiko''': Lupin, what are you doing? ''[She runs up to the gang]'' Is that the Venus statue? It's pretty. :'''Lupin''': You can see it behind the camels? :'''Fujiko''': What camels? ---- :'''Fujiko''': You were decieved by some butterflies? ==== Episode 126, Together with Lupin to Hell ==== :'''Lupin''': Could you keep this for me? ''[He tosses Goemon a brooch]'' Just take it for me as my parting gift. I could be killed by Fujiko's tricks. ''[Goemon gives a smile of understanding, pockets the item and leaves]'' ---- :''[Lupin removes the tape from a bound Jigen's mouth]'' :'''Jigen''': Lupin, you jerk! Have I ever betrayed you? What's the big idea? :'''Lupin''': If I didn't, you wouldn't come with me. :'''Jigen''': Stop the car! I don't want to take part! ''[Lupin sprays Jigen with knockout gas]'' Lupin, I'll remember this... :''[He passes out in the front passenger seat]'' :'''Lupin''': I'll wake you when you get there. Sweet dreams. ---- :'''Lupin''': What now, Jigen? :'''Jigen''': Dunno. ---- :'''Lupin''': Let's use rock-paper-scissors to see who'll decide. ''[Jigen scoffs]'' As I thought... ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[thinking Lupin had died]'' He was a lady-killer, spineless, irritating, but to die like this... :''[a stone is hurled at his head. Lupin emerges from one of the corner pockets]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[indignantly]'' Who's a spineless irritating lady-killer?! ---- :'''Lupin''': Damn, the water's coming in. Go-Goemon... ''GOEMON!!'' ''[The stone behind Lupin and Jigen is sliced and they fall out backwards]'' Goemon, are you dead, too? :'''Goemon''': That would be troublesome. ==== Episode 128, The Old Woman and the Thievery Contest ==== :''[Lupin barges into Jigen and Goemon's room. The two men wake up squealing like little girls. There's a short, awkward pause. Lupin goes to the end of Goemon's bed and looks at him curiously]'' :'''Goemon''': ''[blushing and clearing his throat]'' It seems I've had a bad dream. :'''Jigen''': ''[trying to look casual]'' Me, too. :''[Lupin leaves, knowing his partners don't have the diamond]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': I'm mad that you used my name at your will. :'''Mrs. Dokonjo''': You're angry... :''[She bawls]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[nervous]'' Granny... Listen, granny... ''[He moves over to console her]'' I'll forgive you. But please, don't do it again. Please. :''[She looks up at him with a glare]'' :'''Mrs. Dokonjo''': Lupin! :'''Lupin''': What kind of a look is that? ---- :''[The gang stand on each other's shoulders so that their lunatic friend can reach a diaper on a laundry line]'' :'''Jigen''': When I find that old lady, I'll show her who's boss. :'''Goemon''': ''[standing on Jigen's shoulders]'' I came to Broadway for this? :'''Fujiko''': ''[standing on Goemon's shoulders]'' The four of us had to be mobilized for that? :'''Lupin''': ''[standing on Fujiko's shoulders]'' Just a bit more... there... just a bit more... :''[He manages to grab the trivial thing]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': That old bag is trying to make the article more interesting. She siphoned the gas out of the tank. We're out of gas! :'''Jigen''': ''[laughing lightly and pushing his fedora further down his face]'' That old biddy. I'm beginning to like her. ==== Episode 129, In Jigen, I Saw the Kindness of a Man's Soul ==== :'''Guard''': At the moment, the president is taking a nap. Until he wakes up, please wait in the waiting room. :'''Jigen''': OK. By the way... ''[He hits the guard with a tranquilizer dart]'' Why don't you take a nap as well? ---- :'''Lupin''': I really ought to go there myself, but Pops is hot on my tail right now. :'''Zenigata''': Grrr... Woof! ---- :''[A group of men in brown uniforms burst in on Jigen, who is sitting in a hotel room, holding a beverage glass and wearing a nightgown and a nightcap]'' :'''Jigen''': Well, I don't recall calling for room service. :'''Janaican Police Chief''': Has a woman come into this room? :'''Jigen''': What woman? Sorry, man, but I'm a woman-hater. :'''Janaican Police Chief''': If you're lying, you're in big trouble. Search the place! :''[The men trash the room while Jigen calmly sits and has a drink. Fortunately, they don't notice the broken window the woman swung in through]'' :'''Janaican Officer''': Damn it, she got away! :''[The men leave as Jigen holds the door open for them]'' :'''Jigen''': ''[to the chief]'' Thank you for coming. Why don't you have a drink with me? :''[The chief ignores him and leaves. Jigen kicks the door shut in a huff]'' ---- :'''Fujiko''': ''[disguised as a pilot]'' We're carrying too many people. One person has to get off or we're going to crash. :'''Lupin''': ''[fighting a thumb war with Zenigata]'' That's what he says. What are you going to do, Pops? I don't want to get off. :'''Zenigata''': ''[also fighting the thumb war]'' I don't want to get off here either. ==== Episode 139, Steal Everything From Lupin ==== :'''Lupin''': ''[watching Mr. Steel carry Fujiko off]'' I ain't gonna let my body have all the fun without me. ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[disguising himself as a woman]'' Lupin has a weakness for women. :''[He applies the lipstick. The white face paint and colorful clothes honestly make him look more like a clown. He answers his walkie-talkie]'' :'''Officer''': Inspector, Lupin is here. :'''Zenigata''': Alright, I understand. ''[He puts on a girlish voice]'' I'll be right there. ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[seeing Mr. Steel as Lupin grope a woman in the park]'' He's really trying to act like Lupin, isn't he? :'''Lupin''': I'm not as bad as that. ---- :''[Mr. Steel in Lupin's body tries to chat up a disguised Zenigata]'' :'''Goemon''': His taste is as bad as yours. :'''Lupin''': Don't be silly. I wouldn't try and pick up Old Man Zenigata if I was offered. ---- :'''Jigen''': What now, Lupin? Your body will be taken to prison. ---- :'''Lupin''': This is the first time I've disguised myself as myself. It's really strange. ---- :''[Zenigata faints from the confusion of having his body transported into Mr. Steel's]'' :'''Dr. Changer''': Poor thing. With his brain it's difficult to understand what's going on, you see. ---- :''[as Zenigata, in the dying Mr. Steel's body, chases his own body, Lupin drives past in the Mercedes]'' :'''Lupin''': Pops! Work harder, will you? :'''Zenigata''': L-Lupin! :''[Lupin accelerates, and so does Mr. Steel]'' :'''Zenigata''': Wait! :''[Gradually he slows to a walk and finally collapses, dropping his handcuffs. It's curtains for Zenigata... probably]'' ==== Episode 140, Wolf Run, Pig Fall Down ==== :'''Lupin''': Look at Pops bragging up there. :'''Jigen''': Go ahead and let him. ---- :'''Jigen''': Thanks for catching up, Pops. ---- :'''Jigen''': That fish could beat Jaws. :'''Lupin''': I oughta turn 'im into a canned salmon. ---- :'''Lupin''': Animal instincts really are a wonderful thing. ==== Episode 142, The Big Favorite Disappeared at the Grand Race ==== :'''Lupin''': Pops, where's your parachute? :'''Zenigata''': I don't need it to arrest you! :'''Lupin''': Let go, Pops! :'''Zenigata''': No way in hell! :''[They float down past Red Arrow, who kicks Zenigata, sending him falling into the water, taking Lupin's pants with him]'' ---- :'''Fujiko''': You've done it, Lupin! :'''Lupin''': Yes, but he eats like a horse, pardon the expression. ---- :'''Lupin''': Pops, I'm leaving him with you. Take care of Red Pig. ==== Episode 145, Wings of Death: Albatross ==== :''[Lupin prepares to exchange the detonator for Fujiko]'' :'''Lonebach''': One... :'''Lupin''': Two... :''[Fujiko reveals herself to be Zenigata in disguise]'' :'''Zenigata''': Three! ---- :''[Zenigata searches Lupin, emptying his false foot]'' :'''Lupin''': Pops, is that big aeroboat going to fly? :'''Zenigata''': Yes, today they will test it. :'''Lupin''': I see, that's the story behind that Albatross spark plug thing. ''[Zenigata grabs his face and pulls hard]'' Ow! Ow! Stop it! :'''Zenigata''': Oh, it's in here? :''[Zenigata pulls off a fake hairpiece from Lupin's head]'' :'''Lupin''': It's not my fault. :''[Zenigata looks in bewilderment as the hairpiece starts to fizzle, and finds out too late that it's a flash grenade]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': Fujiko. Fujiko. :''[Fujiko awakens]'' :'''Fujiko''': Lupin. :'''Lupin''': You're not hurt? :''[Fujiko finds she's lying in the rubble, sandwiched between Jigen and Zenigata, who are unconscious. Lupin, meanwhile, is hanging upside down. The four of them look like a tangled mess]'' :'''Fujiko''': I know you look serious but this really must be some kind of joke to you! ---- :''[Lonebach floats through the air with Zenigata clinging to him]'' :'''Zenigata''': I've never seen an atom bomb like this. :'''Lonebach''': These bombs are real, I tell you! :'''Zenigata''': Then let them explode! :'''Lonebach''': No! No way! ==== Episode 148, The Target is 555 Meters ==== :'''Lupin''': The building lights all look like little diamonds from up here. ---- :'''Lupin''': OK, Goemon, I'm good and ready. ==== Episode 151, The Arrest Lupin Highway Operation ==== :'''Zenigata''': I'll catch Lupin even if I have to go into the cage with him. ---- :'''Lupin''': Yo, Pops, are you alright down there? :'''Zenigata''': ''[poking his head through the bars]'' Lupin, how dare you! Don't move! I'm going to get you right now! ''[He realizes his head is stuck and manages to pull it back through the bars. The barge starts moving]'' Stop that! :'''Lupin''': Next time, pick a better trap for me! ''[He laughs loudly]'' :'''Zenigata''': ''[angrily shooting at Lupin]'' You think it's so funny to make a fool of me? ==== Episode 152, Jigen and a Hat and a Pistol ==== :'''Fujiko''': I need Jigen to... ''[She sees Jigen wearing a Tyrolean hat and giggles]'' Jigen, what happened to your hat? :''[Jigen blushes and hides behind Lupin]'' ---- :''[The gang finds Zenigata hiding in a bush with a recording device, sobbing]'' :'''Lupin''': Well, now. Pops, what are you crying about? :'''Zenigata''': Lupin, I've never been so touched like I am today. I really respect Jigen's decision. He is a man among men. :'''Lupin''': What? :'''Zenigata''': Listen, Lupin. I'll let you go until Jigen does his job. Go for it, Jigen! I'm rooting for you! :''[He marches away, singing the theme to Star of the Giants]'' ==== Episode 154, The Hexagon's Great Legacy ==== :'''Fujiko''': ''[disguised as a messenger]'' Inspector, I've got news for you. :'''Zenigata''': Regarding Lupin? :'''Fujiko''': Yes. He's targeting a bank at the Hexagon City. :''[Zenigata laughs eagerly and snatches his coat]'' :'''Zenigata''': Give it. :''[He dashes out the door]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': Wait there, Lupin. I'll use my bonus money to buy you a grave. ==== Episode 155, Farewell my beloved Lupin ==== :'''"Zenigata"''': And this cutie... I mean, the girl is? ---- :'''Lupin''': The real Pops should be at the airport by now. ---- :'''Zenigata''': How stupid can a guy be to impersonate Lupin? ==== English Dub Bloopers ==== :'''Jigen''': I still say that broad is nothing but trouble, but God damn it, has she got great tits or what? ---- :'''Jigen''': It says right here, "Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot..." ---- :'''Lupin''': Sounds like someone thinks he might not measure up. :'''Jigen''': Oh, that's ridiculous, man! I have a fourteen-inch doggy dick and don't you forget it! ---- :'''Dr. Normil''': Gentlemen. :'''Jigen''': Hey, this guy's got a dick for a head. :'''Dr. Normil''': I can see you've been talking about me already. ---- :'''Jigen''': You just tripped over my dick. ---- :'''Jigen''': There's a sign up ahead. It says ''Go Fuck Yourself''. ---- :'''Lupin''': Nothing like a tall glass of juice after a near-fatal sauna. :'''Jotarou''': Excuse me, but I thought you might like to know that you now have no choice but to lick my sweaty fucking testes. ---- :'''Lupin''': Stop it! Turn it off, please! :'''Jotarou''': And then, when you couldn't beat my father fair and square, you cheated! :'''Lupin''': Hah! I could have broken into that safe blindfolded, but I didn't! And you know why? It was out of compassion for your father, you bald fuck! :'''Jotarou''': That's a desperate lie. I'm ''not'' a bald fuck, I ''wax!'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': Dickhead, you'd better be positive about this. :'''Dr. Normil''': I hate it when people call me that. ''I'M VERY SENSITIVE ABOUT MY HEAD!'' Bastard! :'''Zenigata''': ''[in thought]'' Sure you are... ''penis with ears''. === Lupin III Part III === ==== Episode 1, The Gold is Beckoning Lupin ==== :''[Lupin sees a phone ringing in a shark's mouth. He answers it]'' :'''Lupin''': Call me back. I'm busy. :'''Fujiko''': Oh, dear. The Lupin I know wouldn't act so cold. :'''Lupin''': Who's that? Oh, Fujiko. :'''Fujiko''': I'm in San Francisco, and I need your help. :'''Lupin''': Oh, you're in Frisco? Right, I'm on my way. ''[As he hangs up, the shark bites him on the hand. A wave crashes onto him. As it turns out, he was dreaming, and the wave that hit him was water from a vase he knocked over while trying to put the receiver back. He lies half out of his bed, still holding the receiver]'' ---- :'''Jigen''': You said you were stuck to the seat with super glue? Be careful not to peel your back. :'''Lupin''': I have to hurry and help Fujiko. :'''Jigen''': ''[dismantling the bomb]'' In Chinatown? ''[He pulls out the connecting wire]'' Right, got it. :''[Lupin flexes his back, but the bomb is still stuck to him and the entire back of his clothes is torn off]'' :'''Lupin''': Guess not. ==== Episode 2, Expose the Great Trap ==== :'''Lupin''': Whoever touches this bubble when it bursts instantly loses their short-term memory. :''[He lets the bubble float and walks away]'' :'''Jigen''': Hmph. Ridiculous. ''[The bubble bursts on the brim of Jigen's hat, and he stares ahead in a trance. Lupin steals the gun Jigen was cleaning and swaps it with an ice cream cone. Jigen breaks out of the trance and rubs a handkerchief on the ice cream]'' Huh? What the...? ''[Lupin laughs, and Jigen throws the ice cream into his mouth]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': Here you go, back-ash-wards. ---- :'''Director Aran''': ICPO approved the use of six tons of pure gold for this operation. And the operation failed. Naturally we have to take the blame for it. :'''Zenigata''': ''[crying]'' Because of my failure... I apologize. :'''Director Aran''': You don't have to apologize to me. What's done is done. And you're not an Inspector anymore. Forget about Lupin and go back to Japan. :'''Zenigata''': Director Aran, thank you for everything during my time in the force. ''[He walks away in tears]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': You damn interloper! Mind your own business! Not mine! ==== Episode 3, Greetings, Hell's Angel ==== :'''Lupin''': Well? Scared yet? If you feel like running away, this is your last chance. :'''Flora''': I don't feel like it. ''[Lupin looks bewildered]'' If you're trying to drive me away by scaring me, it's not working. ''[Lupin trudges away, then stops and glances back at Flora]'' I've made up my mind to follow you to the end. ''[Lupin looks surprised. Flora runs to him with open arms]'' Do what you want with me, Lupin! :'''Lupin''': ''[disturbed]'' Just kidding! Joke's over! :''[He flees and tumbles into the sea]'' ==== Episode 4, Telepathy is Love's Signal ==== :'''Lupin''': ''[over the phone]'' Fujiko dear! :'''Fujiko''': ''[in the bath]'' Lupin, I won't see you any more. :'''Lupin''': Sorry. Just wait for me. Kissy kissy! :'''Jigen''': Calling Fujiko again? ==== Episode 6, Lupin has Come With a Tank ==== :'''Lupin''': Geez, where's he off screwing around? At this rate, we'll find the pearly gates before we find the Megas treasure. ==== Episode 9, the Copy-Man Becomes Expensive ==== :''[Zenigata is stuck on a magnet, with Budweiser pinned between them. He strains to pull himself loose]'' :'''Dr. Budweiser''': Ouch! Let go of me! :'''Zenigata''': Sorry, doctor. I'm doing the best I can. ''[He tries to pull himself away]'' Damn you, Lupin! He tricked me into wearing a suit of armor because of this magnet. ''[He gets his right arm free]'' Damn it, I can't get loose! ''[His left arm is now free as well. He continues trying to heave himself away. Some time later, Zenigata is fully free. He runs out of the safe and looks around]'' Alright, Lupin! You're mine! ''[He sees a glass case with smouldering ashes coming from it]'' He tricked us with this smoke, saying that it's poisoned gas! Wait a minute! He made us believe that he left through the tunnel... But he's actually probably gone to the roof! ==== Episode 10, Lay a Plot with the Treasure ==== :'''Goemon''': I was distracted again. I must improve my mind. :'''Lupin''': ''[wearing a chef's hat and apron and holding a frying pan]'' Thanks a lot. I couldn't find the can opener, so it was a big assist. ---- :'''Jigen''': Still, what a flake. Doesn't this guy know about libel laws? ---- :''[Lupin has just told Jigen he heard that the Minister needs Arsene Lupin's treasure for something]'' :'''Jigen''': ''[scoffing]'' Ridiculous. I heard the Minister of Justice is going to run for President. He's just using you as campaign fodder. :'''Lupin''': Yeah, it seems like it. ---- :'''Jigen''': By the way, why does the Minister have your grandpa's treasure? :'''Lupin''': Well, the story I heard is that is that grandpa was screwed over by some broad. And she was the Minister's mother. :''[Jigen laughs]'' :'''Jigen''': That's hilarious. It's just like you and Fujiko. ---- :'''Lupin''': You eat a lot. How many stomachs to you have? :'''Jigen''': Don't be silly. It's natural to get hungry after exercising. ---- :'''Jigen''': Don't you think this jailbreak looks too easy? :''[In the back seat, Zenigata looks nervous]'' :'''Lupin''': What? That just means that my plan was perfect. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Minister, you don't have to go about this in a roundabout way. If you leave it to me, I can arrest Lupin right now! :'''Minister''': Inspector Zenigata, if you really could arrest him so easily, Lupin would have been in prison long ago. :'''Zenigata''': Huh? Well... Yes, but... :'''Minister''': Suppose you arrest him. If Lupin then escaped from jail, it would hurt my presidential campaign. Listen, you must not try to arrest Lupin without my permission. :'''Zenigata''': Yes. I, I... I understand, sir! ---- :'''Lupin''': Hey, Pops, you better scram! That dome's gonna blow! ---- :'''Zenigata''': That's our Lupin... I knew something like this would happen! ==== Episode 13, Play a Joke on the Variation ==== :'''Zenigata''': Well? Isn't it cosy, wrapped in my super Lupin-catching flypaper? ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[sticking an exploding bag to Zenigata's face]'' You'd better not peel it off too hard or your skin will come off. ---- :'''Jigen''': What Lupin needs is rest. He's completely exhausted, in both mind and body. ---- :''["Fujiko" drives Lupin to Madame Luisa's castle]'' :'''"Fujiko"'''': Madame Luisa, the billionaire widow, is holding a big party. There will be a lot of rich ladies there. Those vain creatures are like moving jewelry shops. You can collect their jewels with those fingers of yours. ''[Lupin is asleep and not listening]'' Lupin? Lupin? Lupin! ''[Lupin, wearing a woman's dress and bandages on his head, finally wakes up. The symbol of a hand with a curved index finger is reflected in his left eye.]'' Understand? Our share will be 70-30. ''[Lupin sees the castle and stares at it as though in a trance]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': I caught Lupin and lived! ---- :'''Lupin''': Welcome to the peep show! ==== Episode 16, The Poisonous Golden Apple ==== :'''Jigen''': Got a cold? :'''Lupin''': No, it just happens when Pops talks about me. ---- :'''Guard''': Ah, Inspector, look out! It's dangerous to lean over so much! This is shark infested water! :'''Zenigata''': ''[arrogant and insistent on searching for Lupin]'' You fool! If you're scared of a shark, you can't arrest Lupin! ''[The boat leans to the side, sending Zenigata falling over the railing and towards the water. Lupin throws a rope out with a wooden block attached to it, causing the Inspector to dangle just above the water. He sees the guard is right, and there are indeed sharks in the water]'' Hey! Get away! Stay back! ''[The sharks jump at Zenigata]'' I'm not tasty! Don't come! Help! Pull me up! :'''Lupin''': ''[pulling Zenigata up]'' Geez, what a troublesome old man you are! :'''Jigen''': You're too nice. It'd make the job easier if you left him as shark bait. ---- :'''Lupin''': Hey, Pops, that's too violent for prime time! ---- :''[Zenigata sees Lupin ride away on a shark]'' :'''Zenigata''': What?! He trained a shark?! That's a Nobel Prize-level trick! :''[Out on the sea, Lupin still thinks he's riding a shark-shaped boat]'' :'''Lupin''': Huh? I can't control it. What happened to this machine? ''[The shark dives out of the water]'' Huh? Th... This is a real shark! ''[The shark dives in and out of the water]'' Whoa! He-help me! ''[It dives in and out again]'' ''Jigen!'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': Prince Adam, this woman is part of Lupin's gang! :'''Prince Adam''': She isn't. Fujiko is my governess! :'''Zenigata''': Your governess? Fujiko? ''[He bursts out laughing]'' ---- :''[Zenigata bends the bars of the cage he's trapped in]'' :'''Lupin''': Wow, you really are a gorilla. Time to scram! ---- :'''Lupin''': Pops, you didn't sleep last night, did you? You'd better take a nap! :''[The tired Inspector watches Jigen drive Lupin away]'' :'''Zenigata''': Wait, Lupin... :''[His all-night vigil takes its toll and he falls asleep on the ground]'' ---- :''[Lupin appears at the door. He looks dishevelled and exhausted]'' :'''Lupin''': How do I look? Am I sexy? :''[He collapses]'' :'''Fujiko''': Oh, Lupin, what's happened to you? You look so thin! :'''Jigen''': The apple is actually a laxative to help with bulimia. :'''Fujiko''': That figures. After all the trouble to get it, it turned out to be a laxative. ==== Episode 17, Are You Really Getting Married? ==== :'''Jigen''': See? It's just like I said. ---- :'''Lupin''': So, Pops, can you do me one last favor? :'''Zenigata''': W-what? Why are you being so polite? :'''Lupin''': Well, you know, you're going to have us executed, so... I was wondering... Could you marry Fujiko and I first? :'''Fujiko''': Lupin... :'''Lupin''': Please, I beg you, Pops. :''[Zenigata thinks about it]'' :'''Fujiko''': I'd like to ask that of you as well, Inspector Zenigata. ''[to Lupin]'' To tell you the truth, I've loved you all the time. :'''Lupin''': Fujiko... ''[to Zenigata]'' See? Please, Pops. I beg you. :'''Zenigata''': Fine, I got it. I'll see what I can do. ==== Episode 23, The Beirut Mobile Bank Operation ==== :'''Bank manager''': This is my secretary. :'''Fujiko''': ''[disguised as a secretary]'' I was just bringing you drinks. :'''Zenigata''': ''[with an upturned glass on his head]'' So I see. ---- :'''Zenigata''': They brushed me off with some tissues. What do they take us for at Interpol? :''[He sniffs them]'' :'''Zenigata''': Hey, these smell pretty nice. Guess that's normal for a posh bank... ---- :'''Computer''': Physical characteristic: Bow-legged. :'''Lupin''': That's none of your business! ---- :'''Lupin''': Settle down and have one last smoke. :''[He genially hands Zenigata a cigarette. The Inspector sits down and takes the cigarette. Lupin lights it]'' :'''Computer''': Smoking is forbidden. :''[It sprays water in Zenigata's face]'' ==== Episode 24, Sleep Peacefully, My Friend==== :'''Lupin''': ''[cornered and out of bullets]'' Stupid Jigen! :''[Jigen arrives in a helicopter]'' :'''Jigen''': If you don't like me, I can flee solo. :'''Lupin''': Please don't, Jigen-san. ==== Episode 26, A Ghost in New York ==== :''[Goemon has fished out a skeleton from the Hudson river]'' :'''Goemon''': An unidentified corpse. And floating down the Hudson river. Poor fellow. I wish you a speedy journey. ''[As he starts to leave, the skeleton grabs his hakama]'' What are you doing? Stop haunting me or I'll slash you! ''[The skeleton winks flirtatiously. Goemon yells. He watches as the skeleton vanishes in a puff of smoke]'' A host? An illusion? ''[He looks at the bamboo flowerpot he had laid on the ground with trepidation]'' ---- :'''Lilly''': I do love older men. :'''Goemon''': O-O-Older men? ---- :''[Lupin catches one of the quintuplets in his arms]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[with hearts in his eyes]'' Hey, it's the cute babe from before! Seriously, what's your number? I've got to know! ''[She pushes Lupin away and slaps him]'' ==== Episode 29, Let's Go to the Honey-Moon ==== :'''Jigen''': ''[hearing Fujiko and Lupin plan to get married]'' Hmph. You should take a walk before you break his heart. ---- :'''Goemon''': ''[seeing a Daruma doll seemingly moving on its own]'' What power! ---- :'''Zenigata''': Open, sesame. :'''Door''': Please go away. :'''Zenigata''': ''[pounding the door]'' Open up! Open up! ... Open, carrot. :'''Door''': Please go away. :'''Zenigata''': Open, tomato. Open, green pepper! Open, potato! Open, burdock! :'''Door''': Please go away. :'''Zenigata''': Radish! Cabbage! Celery! Sweet potato! ---- :'''Goemon''': Mr. Robot, please tell me how to cast my chi. ''[The robot flees in the other direction]'' Mr. Robot! Please! ''[Goemon blocks its path]'' Please... I beg you! Please teach me! ---- :'''Zenigata''': I always knew she'd stab you in the back. You were betrayed by the woman and your pals and it left you ruined. You felt defeated, and your thoughts turned to suicide. ''[Lupin yawns]'' But then you heard a divine voice saying "Don't be hasty. ''[Lupin removes the handcuffs and plays with them]'' Is that right, Lupin? ''[Lupin yawns again, so hard that tears form in his eyes]'' Don't cry. Here you are. ''[He hands Lupin a handkerchief. He blows his nose]'' There's an old proverb about not shooting the bird who turns to you for help. Right? You know it? ''[He sees Lupin has placed the handkerchief over his hands and removes it, with his handcuffs back on his wrists]'' ==== Episode 32, 10 Million Dollar Key ==== :''[Zenigata has arrested Lupin for stealing a hamburger. Lupin lies on his prison bed while Zenigata drunkenly sits before his cell]'' :'''Zenigata''': I've been chasing you for ten years. And all that time I've never had a day of rest. Turning my back on my home, leaving my country, forsaking women... ''all to chase you!'' :'''Lupin''': ''[turning away]'' You don't get to pin the lack of girlfriends on me. :'''Zenigata''': B-b-By the way... ''[He falls onto his side]'' By the way... Why... Of all the shameful things you've done, Lupin... Why'd it have to be over a hamburger? This is beyond pathetic. :''[He passes out. Lupin looks over at Zenigata with a smile]'' :'''Lupin''': You really are a big softy, Pops. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Robbing a local bank? ''[He sneezes]'' Talk about lowering your standards. ---- :'''Jigen''': American cops aren't pushovers like the ones in Japan. ---- :'''Lupin''': There's no point in having a car as an ornament you can't drive. ---- :'''Lupin''': Everyone needs a break. Even master thieves. ---- :'''Lupin''': The President seems better suited to riding a horse than a car. ---- :'''Lupin''': Well, that saved us some trouble. They stole the car themselves. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Damn that Lupin! If I ever arrest him, I'll give him my cold! :'''Lupin''': ''[to himself, in the other room]'' That must be Pops! ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[reading Lupin's letter]'' "Your beloved Lupin", my ass. ---- :'''Zenigata''': I came here to have breakfast... I mean, arrest you. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[after Fujiko steals the car]'' Oh, whatever. ---- :'''Lupin''': "Ron"? "Zeni"? What are you, poker buddies? ==== Episode 33, A Boy Genius Plays a Dangerous Game ==== :'''Lupin''': Oh, it's Pops. It's weird seeing him play tag in a place like this after so long. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Lupin, are you after the boy, too? :'''Lupin''': As if! Like I'd get mixed up in something like this! ---- :'''Zenigata''': Freeze! :'''Lupin''': No way! ---- :''[At the New York ICPO headquarters, a poorly Zenigata sneezes loudly]'' :'''Zenigata''': ''[sneezing loudly]'' I will definitely catch Lupin... even if I have to sacrifice my life. ''[He sneezes again]'' :'''Chief''': I don't care about Lupin, Zenigata. It seems you don't understand how important this invention is. Anyway, bring back that boy Mikhail. ''[Zenigata blows his nose]'' He wants to use this invention to help starving people Africa and Asia. ''[Zenigata doesn't listen. He stows away his tissue, then takes out a piece of folded paper]'' That was the late Professor Kazanov's dying wish. If it winds up in corporate hands or those of a single government... ''[He realizes Zenigata is distracted]'' Are you listening, Zenigata? ''[Zenigata sneezes white powder into the chief's face]'' ==== Episode 34, Manhattan Crisis ==== :'''Zenigata''': ''[harried]'' ICPO hate putting people up on travel. They're so damn stingy on expenses. ---- :'''Lupin''': You say "pure love", but you mean "pure gold", don't you? ---- :'''Zenigata''': If I arrest Lupin know, they wouldn't know what to do with me! That's why I let him go on purpose. ---- :'''Lupin''': Sorry, I'm... Huh? You're still mad? :'''Goemon''': You woke me up from a nap. How could I be in a good mood after that? :'''Jigen''': Try taking your anger out on the mafia guys. ---- :'''Lupin''': I wish I could act like Elliot Ness! ---- :'''Thug''': Who are you? :'''Goemon''': We're the Shinsengumi! What? Oh no, Lupin's stupidity has rubbed off on me. ---- :'''Fujiko''': Where's Goemon? :'''Jigen''': He went off to crash. :'''Fujiko''': How can he sleep when there's eight million dollars waiting for him? ---- :'''Jigen''': Hey, Lupin. Did you order this thing? :''[Lupin finds that there's a grenade on the sandwich tray. He and Jigen race out the diner. Lupin presses his back to the door. The diner blows up. When the smoke clears, Lupin is unharmed, still with his back to the door. He stares ahead, face blank and numb with terror]'' :'''Lupin''': Delicious. ---- :''[Fleeing from the mafia, Lupin and Jigen run into a couple of policemen doing a stop-and-search] :'''Lupin''': Officer! Help! Help! Help! H- ''[He finds himself staring down the barrel of a cop's gun]'' Eh? ''[He quickly dodges before the cop fires and he and Jigen continue running down the street. The suspected felon fires at them along with the cops]'' Are they mafia, too? :'''Jigen''': Guess so. ---- :'''Lupin''': How many people are in the goddamn mob?! :'''Jigen''': Just assume it's everybody! ---- :'''Lupin''': Help us, Pops! :''[The mafia follow him and Jigen out of the manhole and chase them down the street]'' :'''Zenigata''': I'll help you when I've arrested you. ---- :''[Lupin and Jigen shelter together in a safe while Zenigata searches among the rubble]'' :'''Lupin''': Looks like we're stuck here for a while. :'''Jigen''': ''[dazed]'' Guess so. ---- :'''Goemon''': I'm tired. Bye. ---- :''[Zenigata sits before two wooden crosses he made for Lupin and Jigen]'' :'''Zenigata''': Why did you die and leave me on my own, Lupin? I... I loved chasing you. ''[He buries his face in his fist and cries]'' :'''Lupin''': Hey, Pops! What's up? Did someone die? :'''Zenigata''': Lupin! You're alive? ''[He dodges as Fujiko drives past him]'' :'''Fujiko''': Lupin! Wait for me! :'''Zenigata''': ''[overjoyed]'' Freeze, Lupin! You're under arrest! ==== Episode 38, The Little Mermaid ==== :'''Jigen''': Fujiko, in your vocabulary the word friends is just a synonym for money. ---- :'''Wallace''': Mr. Lupin is waiting for you. Please hurry. :''[He hands the Zantetsuken to Goemon]'' :'''Goemon''': Thank you. ''[Two officers run up to him. He imitates Zenigata]'' You fools! Hurry up and find him! He's escaped! :'''Officers''': Yes, sir! :''[Wallace and Goemon smile, then walk away. As they do so, Zenigata, lying under the rubble, flicks a tracking device onto the Zantetsuken]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': I can't go to heaven having been betrayed by my beloved Princess, can I? ---- :''[Lupin is carried off by a dolphin who is in love with him]'' :'''Lupin''': I don't wanna live underwater! Help me! Jigen? Goemon? Fujiko? Pops?! ==== Episode 39, The Gold To My Rival ==== :'''Zenigata''': Darn you, Lupin... Huh? I feel sleepy. ''[He muzzily makes out a group of masked men breaking into the armored car]'' Hey, wait! ''[A man grabs Zenigata by the arm and holds a knife to his throat]'' You're not Lupin's gang. ''[He bites the man's hand, causing him to scream in pain and lose his aqualung, and judo-throws him]'' Don't underestimate me. I, Zenigata, am not so easily... ''[He collapses by the wall, sedated by the gas and sound asleep]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': The culprit wasn't Lupin this time. He... :'''Chief''': I don't want to hear excuses! Zenigata, hurry up and find that gold, no matter ''who'' took it! :'''Zenigata''': ''[saluting]'' Understood, sir. ---- :'''Forensic scientist''': This is a "survival knife". It's used by special forces. :'''Zenigata''': Special forces... :'''Forensic scientist''': ''[pointing to an engraving on the knife]'' Look at this. :'''Zenigata''': Hmm, it's got an engraving. :'''Forensic scientist''': Yes. It's the serial number of the soldier who owned it. :'''Zenigata''': I see. ''[He dashes to the door]'' Thanks a bunch. You've been very helpful. :''[As he leaves, Jigen emerges from the locker]'' :'''Jigen''': I see. The gold robbers were special forces. :'''Lupin''': Yeah. No doubt. :'''Jigen''': ''[taking the knife]'' Still, he's not very bright to drop it. :'''Lupin''': Now, shall we go? '' :'''Jigen''': Right. :''[Lupin pulls off his mask just as Zenigata comes back in. He hastily pulls it back down]'' :'''Lupin''': W... What do you want? :'''Zenigata''': Huh? I thought I heard voices in here. Is everything OK? :''[He searches Lupin and stares suspiciously at him]'' :'''Lupin''': N... No, I'm just mumbling to myself. What do you want? :'''Zenigata''': Oh, right, right. Could you give me back the knife? :'''Lupin''': The knife? ''[He fumbles around for it]'' Knife, knife, where is that thing...? ''[Jigen's arm emerges from behind Lupin's coat with the knife]'' Oh, here. :'''Zenigata''': Ah, thanks. ''[He stands, wondering why the forensic scientist just grew a third arm. Lupin hastily shoves him out the door]'' :'''Lupin''': You got what you wanted, so get out and let me work! ''[He shuts the door]'' Phew. That was a close call. ---- :'''Lupin''': Thieves don't work during playtime. ---- :'''Zenigata''': "Cool my head"? Asshole. ---- :'''Jigen''': By the way, Lupin, what is this? :'''Lupin''': It's a missile. :'''Jigen''': What?! :'''Lupin''': I "borrowed" it from the armory! :'''Jigen''': Get me off this thing! :''[The missile crashes into a forest. The men emerge in one piece from a pond]'' :'''Lupin''': You still alive, Jigen? :'''Jigen''': Our partnership is over. ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[clinging awkwardly to an airborne plane]'' That's it! No more team-ups! :'''Lupin''': But aren't you comfortable? ==== Episode 41, A Night Under Martial Law ==== :'''Goemon''': It was careless of you to abandon us for a woman. :'''Jigen''': Lupin's habits are rubbing off on me. ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[holding Lupin's face in a caressing manner to examine the scratch on his cheek]'' Is that a new wound? :'''Lupin''': Yes, very new. :''[The two men gaze at each other and share a smile]'' :'''Goemon''': Idiots. :''[Lupin and Jigen touch each other's faces, then laugh]'' ==== Episode 44, Our Papa is a Thief ==== :'''Goemon''': ''[disguised as a construction worker]'' At least we're lucky this isn't Japan. No one I know will see me like this. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''(loudly singing)'' ''For the sake of my honey, I'm old-fashioned, aren't I? For the sake of the jewels, yeah-ho!'' ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[raising his voice to a chicken-like squawk]'' Damn, Lupin! You finally got someone knocked up! :'''Goemon''': ''[to the flabbergasted Lupin]'' It is rather unlike you to leave evidence behind. :'''Lupin''': It's a lie, it's a lie, it's a lie! I've. Been. Framed! I've never met this Mary! :'''Jigen''': ''[leaning into Lupin's face]'' You sure about that? :'''Lupin''': Pretty sure. ---- :'''Goemon''': You are a man of the world, aren't you? :'''Lupin''': ''[sheepishly]'' Well... a bit... ---- :''[Lupin calls Fujiko]'' :'''Fujiko''': I told you, we're not teaming up. :'''Lupin''': It's not that. I need a woman's nursing hand. ''[He sees Mark and Vivian playing with Lupin's Walther and Jigen's Magnum]'' Shut up! That's not a toy! ''[He and Jigen snatch their weapons back]'' :'''Fujiko''': ''[hearing the commotion of children]'' Lupin, are you hiding in a kindergarten? :'''Lupin''': No. OUCH! :''[Over in a truck, Zenigata listens in on the conversation]'' :'''Fujiko''': Well, I'm too busy to help, plus I don't want to. :'''Lupin''': Please, Fujicakes! We're in an apartment in the East Village! :'''Fujiko''': No! :''[She hangs up]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[crying]'' I didn't know that thieves with children even existed! On the contrary, I... :'''Lupin''': Don't cry on me, Pops! :'''Zenigata''': Having spent my life chasing this fool, I never even found a wife! I don't even have any darling children! My fate won't allow it! :'''Lupin''': What snapped in Pops? :'''Jigen''': Apparently he wants a family. :'''Goemon''': Poor soul. :'''Jigen''': This is our chance to run. :''[They back away from the poor, lonely Inspector and make a break for it]'' :'''Zenigata''': I want a wife! I want kids! ---- :'''Goemon''': No matter how we look at it, there's no way Jigen or I have children. :'''Jigen''': Right. No chance of that there. Though in your case... :'''Lupin''': Please, stop talking like that. ---- :'''Fujiko''': We both need to escape! :'''Lupin''': ''[sarcastically]'' Thanks for thinking of me! ---- :'''Jigen''': You look good in drag. :'''Goemon''': Shut it already. ==== Episode 46, Soaring on Scrap Wings ==== :'''Lupin''': ''[imitating Fujiko]'' "Lupin, I want the Hina dolls. Let's have a Hina doll party, just you and me." Let's light the lantern! Lantern, lantern! :'''Jigen''': ''[scoffing]'' Too silly for me. ---- :''[The plane crashes, with Zenigata inside]'' :'''Jigen''': Aw man, the old man finally bit it. :'''Fujiko''': I feel a bit sorry for him. :'''Lupin''': ''[devoutly clasping his hands together as he floats into the sea]'' Well, he's got a special reservation on his arrival in heaven. ---- :'''Zenigata''': I'm glad you saved my life, but the problem is we can't communicate. == Lupin the Third Part V == [[File:083-face-with-monocle.svg|thumb|[[Thieves]] are in the [[shadows]], [[all]]'s [[right]] with the [[world]].]] * [[Thieves]] are in the [[shadows]], [[all]]'s [[right]] with the [[world]]. ** Smart monocle activation code; derived from ''[[w:Pippa Passes|Pippa Passes]]'' by [[Robert Browning]], (1841) == About ''{{PAGENAME}}'' == [[File:Giacche_Lupin_III.jpg|thumb|In a word, he’s all about “[[freedom]]”, isn’t he. I think this makes him a reflection of what we’d like to be ourselves. ~ Monkey Punch]] [[File:Walther_P38_(6971798779).jpg|thumb|He's a nice man <br> But he's cool <br> You know, he uses [[w:Walther P38|Walther]] <br> Yeah <br> The machine cries, <br> "Bang bang." <br> Yeah, he's the Lupin the Third. <br> Nice man <br> Yeah, he smiles <br> And he gets angry... sometimes. <br> But... he's a groovy guy. ~ Tokyo Movie Kikabuku]] * Lupin the Third is [[James Bond]] meets [[Charlie's Angels]] with [[Scooby-Doo]] sensibilities. ** Rob Lineberger. [https://web.archive.org/web/20140311223826/http://www.dvdverdict.com/reviews/lupinthe3rd.php "Lupin The Third: The World's Most Wanted Review"], ''DVD Verdict'', (May 21, 2003). *'''Interviewer''': Lupin’s [[charming]] isn’t he… :'''Monkey Punch''': In a word, he’s all about “[[freedom]]”, isn’t he. I think this makes him a reflection of what we’d like to be ourselves. :* Monkey Punch as quoted by [https://wavemotioncannon.com/2017/08/08/lupin-iii-a-short-interview-with-monkey-punch-animage-071978/ "Lupin III – A Short Interview With Monkey Punch"], Kazuhiko Kato, ''Animage'', (07/1978) * The world's richest man isn't a [[w:Rothchild|Rothchild]] or a [[w:Rockefeller|Rockefeller]]. It's Lupin! ** "Uncover the Secret of Tsukikage Castle"/"The Riddle of Tsukikage Castle", (June 12, 1978), written by Mon Shichijo * [A] crazy, groovy 1960s world of dynamite and backstabbing, hippies and gangsters. ** Jason Thompson. "Manga: The Complete Guide". New York, New York: Del Rey. (October 9, 2007). p. 196. * [A] fascinating homage to [[Mad (magazine)|Mad magazine]] and a four star example of comics as pure [[comedy]]. ** Jason Thompson. "Manga: The Complete Guide". New York, New York: Del Rey. (October 9, 2007). p. 196. * Lupin <br> He's a nice man <br> But he's cool <br> You know, he uses Walther <br> Yeah <br> The machine cries, <br> "Bang bang." <br> Yeah, he's the Lupin the Third. <br> Nice man <br> Yeah, he smiles <br> And he gets angry... sometimes. <br> But... he's a groovy guy. ** "Nice Guy Lupin", composed by Takeo Yamashita and performed by Charlie Corsey, written by Tokyo Movie Kikabuku, (January 30, 1972) === "Interview Monkey Punch" (November 13th 2003) === <small> [[w:Monkey Punch|Monkey Punch]], [http://www.animenewsnetwork.com/feature/2003-11-13 "Interview Monkey Punch"], ''Anime News Network'', (November 13th 2003) </small> * Actually, it's kind of interesting. I think men and women in general as... rather than saying tease, say they enjoy each other. They use their attributes; Fujiko uses her beautiful body and her sex appeal as a weapon and Lupin uses his cunning and his wit as a weapon and they like going at it with each other in a fun sense. Not necessarily lovers, not necessarily husband and wife, but more just having fun as man and woman with each other and using their weapons against each other, but in an enjoyable way. That's how I think of that. * When I started drawing Lupin thirty-six years ago, I was really only supposed to draw him for 3 months. It was more of only a contract project. At the end of that 3 months, it became popular and I continued drawing it for 10 years. And over that time, I never expected that I'd be invited to America multiple times, to attend these conventions, have so many fans and people that have read my works and have come to talk to me and express their gratitude. It's really an amazing feeling and at the same time it's bizarre in a way. I don't understand the popularity. I'm happy for it, but I don't understand it. * I would probably have to say as far as inspirations are concerned, maybe some of the more famous mystery works, just worldly mystery works. I think they probably helped me out creating my stories quite a bit. <br> Even things like, you know, Treasure Island or Monte Crisco, I think even those works influenced me quite a bit. I even enjoyed reading about D'Artagnan from the Three Musketeers. It might be my own analysis, but I even feel that Lupin might be very similar to D'Artagnan. M'lady the character that comes out from the D'Artagnan stories, I think that person might even be similar to Fujiko. So, those kinds of works I really think they did affect me at an early age. == External links == {{wikipedia}} [[Category:Japanese TV shows]] [[Category:Science fiction TV shows]] [[Category:Fantasy TV shows]] 33vbsdsc8gmqsh8tgl0kfz1edj7sk13 3778791 3778750 2025-07-14T18:34:24Z 147.147.131.144 /* Episode 10, Steal File M123 */ 3778791 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Lupin_III_logo.svg|thumb|'''Lupin the Third''']] '''''Lupin III'''''(Nihongo: ルパン三世|Rupan Sansei), also written as '''Lupin the Third''' or '''Lupin the 3rd''', is a [[Japanese]] [[w:manga|manga]] series written and illustrated by [[w:Monkey Punch|Monkey Punch]]. It follows the escapades of master [[thief]] [[w:Arsène Lupin III|Arsene Lupin III]], the grandson of [[w:Arsène Lupin|Arsene Lupin]], the [[w:gentleman thief|gentleman thief]] of [[Maurice Leblanc]]'s series of novels. == Quotations from the series == === Lupin The Third Part I === ==== Episode 1, Is Lupin Burning...? ==== :'''Zenigata''': Lupin, how many years has it been, chasing you like this? It's in my blood. It's my fate. If you weren't the grandson of Arsene Lupin, and if I weren't a descendant of Heiji Zenigata... I'll catch you for sure some day. ---- :'''Lupin''': Well, hello, Fujiko. How are you? :'''Fujiko''': ''[clothes torn and tickling hands all over her]'' I'm not exactly tickled pink, Lupin. ---- :'''Zenigata''': You fool! What, do you think you'll stop me? :'''Fujiko''': Not at all. But stay here if you don't want to die. ==== Episode 2, The Man They Call a Magician ==== :'''Lupin''': I'm hungry. :'''Jigen''': Sorry, but we only have food for me, not for you. :'''Lupin''': The octopus? Forget about that. ---- :'''Jigen''': Man, this glass sure can be a pain. ==== Episode 3, Farewell My Beloved Witch==== :'''Lupin''': Linda, my sweet! :'''Jigen''': The hell? Did he just say "Linda, my sweet"? I can't do this... ---- :'''Lupin''': "Attack your prey swiftly and disappear like the wind", right? ---- :'''Lupin''': The missile. A nuclear warhead! ''[Close to tears, he places a hand on the missile]'' Linda had to die for something as stupid as this. ''[He quietly weeps into the missile]'' ---- :'''Jigen''': This is why I keep telling you to be careful of women. :'''Lupin''': I got it, I got it. Don't nag so much. ==== Episode 4, One Chance to Breakout ==== :'''Doctor''': That man is something else. :'''Zenigata''': Well, he won't be for much longer. After all, he's going be executed. ''[He imagines himself at Lupin's trial]'' Death penalty! Death is the only suitable sentence for Lupin the Third! I devoted my entire life to capturing Lupin! I came into being solely so I could arrest him! He should be executed! Death penalty! Death! ''[Next he imagines Lupin being executed in various ways]'' The verdict: I sentence Lupin the Third to death! ''[He imagines Lupin crying pitifully at his trial. In his office, Zenigata sweats and anxiously buries his face in his hands as he wonders if this is what he really wants]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': Jigen, are you just going to let Lupin die?! ---- :'''Zenigata''': I guess this is finally goodbye. ''[He meets the officer's gaze]'' I mean, this world will finally be peaceful. ==== Episode 5, The Coming of Goemon the Thirteenth ==== :'''Lupin''': Dang it! Goemon Ishikawa the First was boiled to death! So I figured this Goemon would be weak against fire! That's the whole reason I prepared the fuel! But ''nooo''! :'''Jigen''': Enough with the braying. What are you, a donkey? ---- :'''Fujiko''': Oh, Lupin! I'm so glad. So, are you going to help me? :'''Jigen''': ''[rolling over on the couch]'' Hmph! This is ridiculous. ==== Episode 9, Killer Sings the Blues ==== :'''Goemon''': He's late! :'''Jigen''': ''[sulking on a chair and frustratedly throwing darts at a heart-shaped target]'' Yeah. Late. :'''Goemon''': What could he be doing before a job? :'''Jigen''': Hung up on a woman, most likely. :'''Goemon''': If that's the case, what are you going to do? :'''Jigen''': I've had enough. We're through! ''[He throws a dart at the door just as it's being opened. Lupin catches the dart in his hand. Jigen brightens]'' You're late! ---- :'''Fujiko''': What a square. ---- :'''Goemon''': Where's Lupin? :'''Jigen''': ''[feigning apathy]'' Don't care. ''[The walkie talkie buzzes. Once again, Jigen's mood brightens]'' Oh, it's him. ---- :''[Jigen sees Lupin tied up in his underwear with a huge bump on his head]'' :'''Jigen''': Huh? Where's the woman? :'''Lupin''': She ran away. :''[Jigen bursts into laughter]'' :'''Jigen''': This is priceless! :'''Lupin''': Laugh it up. ==== Episode 11, When the Seventh Bridge Falls==== :''[Jigen sneezes]'' :'''Lupin''': Are you cold? :'''Jigen''': Of course. I wanna get home and take a nice hot bath. :'''Lupin''': Then you better return this. :''[He passes the bomb back to the shivering Jigen]'' :'''Jigen''': Huh? You're heartless. :'''Lupin''': Just do it. :''[He pushes the complaining gunman back into the water]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': She was such a nice girl. :'''Jigen''': ''[throwing Lupin out of the boat]'' Go back there by yourself, then. ==== Episode 13, Beware the Time Machine ==== :'''Lupin''': ''[to Jigen]'' You sure made one sexy maid, too! ---- :'''Fukuroko''': Well, Inspector, would it make you happy if I were Lupin? :'''Zenigata''': Huh? ''[He bursts into derisive laughter]'' :'''Fukuroko''': What if I'd switched places with the real Fukuroko when you left the room earlier? ''[Zenigata stops laughing]'' And what if all the cops here... ''[He reveals his own voice]'' :'''Lupin''': ... Happened to be my men? ''[Zenigata sees the cops dropping their masks and grinning. He charges forward]'' :'''Zenigata''': Lupin! ''[Lupin blows thick smoke from the cigar]'' Damn it, Lupin! ---- :''[Lupin finds Jigen sitting in the middle of a room cluttered with books, perusing obsessively]'' :'''Lupin''': Hey, Jigen, will you quit this already? Forget about that loon. ''[Jigen walks off to the side]'' Hmph. Fine. I'll just take Goemon with me for this next job. Hey, Goemon! Goemon! ''[To Lupin's chagrin, Goemon appears from the pile of books, likewise perusing the volumes]'' :'''Goemon''': What? :'''Lupin''': Well now, Goemon. :'''Goemon''': I'm certain I've heard of Kyousuke Mamou as well. :''[Lupin goes to the front room, sits down in an armchair and puts his feet on the table]'' :'''Lupin''': You gotta be kidding me. Mamou, Mamou, Lupin the 13th, the year two-thousand something... This ain't a sci-fi manga. :''[Some time later, Lupin sleeps in the armchair. As though in a dream, he hears Mamou's voice speaking to him]'' :'''Mamou''': Allow me to explain, Lupin. I have conquered the fourth dimension. Behold. With this time machine, I can traverse the temporal plane, past or future. And I saw it. ''[A frown forms on the slumbering thief's face]'' I saw my descendants kill your descendants. It all occurs about nine hundred years from now. ''[Lupin moans softly]'' Still don't believe me? Then I'll tell you my date of birth. It's November 18th, 1932. :''[Lupin wakes up, and sits up in confusion]'' :'''Lupin''': November 18th, 1932... Yeesh! What a lousy dream. ''[He goes to the window and stares contemplatively out of it. Jigen and Goemon enter the room]'' :'''Jigen''': Hey, Lupin, we found it. Listen up. Kyousuke Mamou, a scientist. Sci-fi author and recipient of the Hugo award. His passion lies in the fourth dimension, especially the study of time and space, but he went mad in 1966. :'''Goemon''': While institutionalised in the city's psychiatric hospital, he declared the world was in crisis, and built a time machine, his version of Noah's Ark. He is currently traveling in time. :'''Lupin''': What's his date of birth? :'''Goemon''': Date of birth? Yes, it's here. November 18th, 1932. :'''Lupin''': ''[smirking]'' Quite interesting, Mr. Kyousuke Mamou. ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[to Fujiko]'' Lupin's in a bit of a serious mood right now. He's up against a man who travels the fourth dimension, one Kyousuke Mamo. We're afraid of him, too. ''[Lupin flies into a rage and hurls a machete past them]'' :'''Lupin''': BULLCRAP! Did I ever say I was afraid? Hell no! You think I'd take that lunatic's threat seriously? ''[He grabs Fujiko]'' Come with me, Fujiko dear. ''[He races off down the road with her in his Mercedes to take her on a date and forget about the lunatic]'' ---- :''[Fujiko watches Lupin sitting dejectedly on a hill outside the church]'' :'''Fujiko''': Lupin... :''[Lupin answers with a groan]'' :'''Lupin''': It's frustrating, but... this is hopeless. :''[He trudges over to Fujiko]'' :'''Lupin''': Fujiko... :''[He kneels in front of Fujiko, buries his face into her and starts crying. Suddenly, he hears church bells ringing and gets an idea]'' :'''Lupin''': Fujiko... marry me! :'''Fujiko''': What? :'''Lupin''': [desperately] I only have three more days. This is my last wish. :''[Fujiko blinks, confused]'' :'''Lupin''': Please. We'll just do the ceremony. Please, Fujiko. :''[He beseechingly puts his hands together]'' :'''Lupin''': Please. :'''Fujiko''': You really love me that much? :'''Lupin''': Yes! :'''Fujiko''': Then... okay. :'''Lupin''': ''[spirits lifted]'' Really? Alright! ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[shaking Goemon roughly]'' Hey, Goemon! Why the hell didn't you help him? :'''Goemon''': And what exactly did you do to help? :''[Jigen, distraught, buries his face in the table]'' :'''Jigen''': Lupin... Lupin... :'''Goemon''': Don't cry, Jigen. ''[Despite this, Jigen starts to cry anyway]'' I'll avenge him. :''[Jigen looks up at Goemon indignantly]'' :'''Jigen''': Idiot! You're too old-fashioned! He's in the Fourth Dimension! The 29th Century! What can an Edo Period guy like you do? If Mr. Edo Period could do something, Lupin would most likely have done something himself. :''[He continues crying into the table]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[from behind the aquarium]'' Edo Period, huh? How insightful of you two. You've given me a great idea. :''[Goemon and Jigen stare at Lupin in shock. Jigen breaks out into a cold sweat]'' :'''Jigen''': ''[eyes streaming with fresh tears]'' Lupin... :'''Lupin''': Well, you see, I was worried that people would miss me when I was gone, so I hid for a bit. ''[He chuckles]'' :'''Jigen''': ''[angry at Lupin for scaring him]'' Damn you, Lupin! ==== Episode 14, The Emerald's Secret ==== :'''Lupin''': ''[seeing Zenigata dance with a disguised Fujiko]'' He's a superb dancer. Very manly, dynamic, simple. ==== Episode 16, Operation Jewel Snatch ==== :'''Fujiko''': ''[to Lupin]'' Your grandfather, Arsène Lupin, would never let anything slip from his grasp. :'''Jigen''': Can't disagree with you there. ---- :'''Beaver''': The emergency alarm! Call the police! :'''Jigen''': Don't make a racket. ''[He pushes Beaver so that his rear is stuck to the floor, and tapes his mouth]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': Beaver, we know you've been smuggling jewels. ==== Episode 17, Lupin Caught in a Trap ==== :'''Lupin''': Oh, come on, Jigen. Don't look so cranky. :'''Jigen''': ''[defensively]'' I was born cranky. ==== Episode 22, The First Move Computer Wins Operation ==== :'''Zenigata''': ''[near tears]'' Damn that Lupin, acting all high and mighty. :'''Chief''': Inspector, calm down. :'''Zenigata''': ''[anxious]'' But... === Lupin III Part II === ==== Episode 1, The Dashing Entrance of Lupin III ==== :'''Jigen''': ''[respectfully taking off his hat]'' These are hard times for innocent bystanders. What kind of amateur are we dealing with? ---- :''[Lupin, Jigen, Goemon and Fujiko sit on a raft in the middle of the ocean after the liner meant to trap them sinks]'' :'''Fujiko''': It's unbelievable. A billion dollars, it's all gone. Sunk in the ocean, for what? All for revenge. What a waste. :'''Lupin''': I just can't get over it. Old Pops, the constant pain in the rear, who hounded me across seven continents, is gone forever. It's really true what they say in the song, you don't know what you got until it's gone. :'''Jigen''': ''[crossing himself]'' Everybody's gotta go sometime. It's all just a long goodbye, Lupin. :'''Goemon''': Zenigata is now with his ancestors. :''[All four have a moment of silent prayer]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[choking up]'' Poor Pops. :'''Zenigata''': Lupin, you weasel! We had a deal! Get your butt over here! :''[The four of them see Zenigata riding a turtle]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[relieved]'' Pops! Is that you? We thought you were dead! Oh, I could kiss you, ya big lug! Let's get out of here, guys! The chase is on again! Woo-hoo! :''[The gang paddles the raft to New York City. Zenigata spurs the turtle forward, but it throws him off]'' :'''Zenigata''': Wait, Lupin! ==== Episode 2, A Bouquet of Bills Blossoms in Rio's Sunset ==== :'''Jail Security Guard''': Hey, knock it off in there! That tapping's driving me crazy! :'''Lupin''': Oh, sorry there, pal. But you're not officially crazy until you go... BLEH! BLEH! BLEH! ==== Episode 3, Hitler's Legacy ==== :'''Lupin''': ''[shivering and sneezing]'' I still don't get why it took you guys twenty minutes to haul me back on board! :'''Fujiko''': Actually, we could've had you out a lot sooner, lover, but everybody agreed that cold water was exactly what was needed to cure your... voyeurism. :'''Jigen''': In fact, we're gonna keep some handy. :'''Lupin''': Very funny. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[about Genhalter]'' The bad news is he's in East Berlin. :'''Fujiko''': What? East Berlin? Isn't that a little ironic? :'''Lupin''': War's over, guy says, "Hey, they may be Commies, but at least they're fellow homicidal totalitarians." ---- :''[Japanese original]'' :'''Lupin''': Maybe I'll just become a little birdie! ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[seized by West Berlin police]'' Hey, get off me! I almost had him this time, but what the hell do you care?! I know, you're only following orders! "Sieg heil!" ---- :'''Lupin''': I oughta take Rip Van Schickelgruber here and throw him back over the wall! ---- :'''Lupin''': Hey, ladies! This way! We got a rich widower with a heart condition! ---- :'''Zenigata''': Now, be a pal and pose with those transvestites. Come on, it's for my scrapbook. :'''Officer''': I'd never do that. I'm a police officer. :'''Zenigata''': Fine, fine, whatever. But don't just stand there like a big stiff. Smile at least, or something. Come on. :'''Officer''': This ''is'' my smile. :'''Zenigata''': ''[dryly]'' Big surprise. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[seeing the report cards]'' This was his secret stash?! He murders half the world and he's ashamed of ''this''?!? ==== Episode 4, I Can Hear Nessie's Song ==== :'''Goemon''': For Buddha's sake, Lupin, have some dignity. ---- :''[Lupin sees Fujiko being abducted by Dr. Oz]'' :'''Lupin''': Fujiko! Fujiko, hold on! I'm coming! ''[He grabs the oars]'' Come on, Jigen, we gotta help her! :''[He starts rowing at speed, causing Jigen to almost fall out and nearly drop the scotch]'' :'''Jigen''': Hey, hey, hey! The scotch! Who-o-oah! :''[Over on the boat, Fujiko feebly protests]'' :'''Fujiko''': No! Let go of me! :'''Dr. Oz''': Faster! Let's go! :''[Lupin rows frantically, inadvertently tossing Jigen up and down]'' :'''Lupin''': Fujiko! Fujiko! Fujiko! :'''Jigen''': ''[simultaneously]'' Uh! Ow! Oh! :'''Fujiko''': Lupin, help! :''[Dr. Oz turns the boat around. Lupin approaches it in the rowboat]'' :'''Lupin''': Don't worry! I'm coming! Here I am! :''[He swings at one of the men and hits him on the head]'' :'''Jigen''': Hey! Take it easy! I'm getting seasick! :''[A wave from the boat capsizes Lupin's small rowboat. Dr. Oz's motorboat drives away]'' :'''Fujiko''': Lupin! :''[Lupin and Jigen lie across the capsized boat]'' :'''Lupin''': Jigen! Get 'em, get 'em, get 'em! :'''Jigen''': ''[aiming his pistol]'' Hang on. I can't get a beat on 'em. :'''Lupin''': Come on! They're getting away! Shoot 'em, willya? :''[He impatiently hits Jigen over the head with an oar]'' :'''Lupin''': Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! :''[He looks over at Jigen, who is lying, dazed, across the capsized boat]'' :'''Lupin''': Oops. Sorry, pal. ---- :'''Goemon''': ''[after saving Lupin and Jigen from being taken out by an assassin]'' It's a good thing that one of us wasn't sleeping on the job. ---- :''Lupin suddenly cries out. Jigen shoves him to the ground as bullets rain over them]'' :'''Jigen''': Damn it! What in the hell is the matter with you, Lupin? :'''Lupin''': Matter?! What's the matter?! Ask my damn butt! :''[Lupin has a bear trap on his behind]'' :'''Jigen''': Ooh, that's gotta hurt. These guys are good. I mean, well, you know. ---- :''[Goemon pulls at the bear trap on Lupin's behind]'' :'''Lupin''': Ow! Easy, Goemon! :'''Goemon''': Transcend it. :''[Goemon pulls the thing free, ripping off the back of Lupin's pants in the process]'' :'''Lupin''': "Transcend it", my ass! :'''Goemon''': Ah, the old exploding bear trap in the ass trick. ''[He throws away the bear trap and it explodes]'' :'''Lupin''': ''ANYBODY HERE NOT TRYING TO KILL ME?!'' :'''Goemon''': Sorry. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Yep, that sedative would stop a Brahman bull. Prepare to be roped, tied and branded, little dogie. You can sleep it off on your way to prison, on a nice long flight. Not much legroom, but you won't notice. ''[He imagines wheeling a suitcase through the airport, with a dazed Lupin crammed inside. Zenigata imagines himself getting out a syringe]'' A little more? Just say no to drugs, kids. ''[He imagines himself injecting Lupin with the liquid and the thief passing out. Back in reality, he searches for where to aim]'' :'''Zenigata''': Head... neck... shoulder... heart... ''[He sets the crosshairs on Lupin's navel]'' Ah, perfect! There we go. :''[He fires the tranquilizer dart. Goemon rushes in and deflects the dart]'' :'''Zenigata''': Huh? ''[The dart hits Zenigata's forehead]'' ''Ow!!'' :'''British Officer''': You alright, sir? :''[Zenigata sits there, stunned. A dazed smile forms on his face]'' :'''Zenigata''': ''Yyyyeeeeessss, just fiiine.'' :'''British Officer''': Inspector Zenigata! ''[Zenigata yawns]'' Bloody hell. ''[Zenigata falls over backwards and passes out]'' ''Now'' what do I do? ---- :'''Jigen''': Uh, Lupin? I take it back. What I said about Nessie. :'''Lupin''': You? Yeah. Gimme a break. :'''Jigen''': No, really. I've been skeptical about the whole thing, but I'm starting to come around to your point of view. :'''Lupin''': Oh, really? And what brought about this conversion? :'''Jigen''': Oh, I don't know. Probably this fifty-foot sea serpent here. :'''Lupin''': Yeah, yeah. Very... ''[He turns around and finds that Jigen is absolutely correct]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': Help! I'm being eaten by a quaint folk legend! ---- :'''Dr. Oz''': What a touching tableau. I'm all choked up. :'''Jigen''': Not enough, if you ask me. :'''Dr. Oz''': I'd say that beard disqualifies you from weighing in on matters of taste. :'''Jigen''': Hey! Come on down here and say that! ---- :'''Lupin''': Smart guy like you? You really thought Nessie would be attracted to this tin can? :'''Dr. Oz''': Her mating habits are obscure. :'''Lupin''': I'm guessing yours must be too if you really thought this lame plan would work. :'''Dr. Oz''': You can bait me all you like, but it's all moot since your friend charmed Nessie for me. :'''Jigen''': Thanks a lot, Fujiko. :'''Fujiko''': Don't blame me. :'''Lupin''': It's, uh, kind of funny, you know? :''[He and Jigen burst out laughing]'' :'''Dr. Oz''': What is so amusing? :'''Fujiko''': I happen to have a nice singing voice! :'''Lupin''': It's just that it's not the first of your charms that comes to mind. :'''Fujiko''': Oh God, you're hopeless. :''[She knees Lupin in the chin]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': Fujiko, keep singing! ''Mother, father, please believe me, every word is true. I just glimpsed a...'' :''[The Loch Ness Monster heads back underwater]'' :'''Lupin''': Uh-oh, I don't think he likes my rendition very much. ==== Episode 5, I'll Show You How to Transport Gold Bullion ==== :'''Lupin''': You keep trying, Pops. At least the law of averages is on your side, if nothing else. ---- :''[The gang arrive in Nice and trudges along the Promenade des Anglais]'' :'''Jigen''': Oh man, I am so glad to be out of that friggin' forest. :'''Lupin''': Walking all night, starving to death, I can't take another step... Whoa, a restaurant! Woo-hoo! ==== Episode 6, Is the Leaning Tower of Pisa Standing? ==== :'''Lupin''': Of course it's leaning, Jigen. It's just, after all that chianti, you are, too. :'''Jigen''': Oh. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Lupin! ''[He finds he's sitting on a dolphin's back. It dives into the water]'' Hey! ''[It dives back out again]'' Whoa! Cut it out! I'm on official business here! Whoa! ''[And it dives in and out again]'' Stop! I'm serious! ''[And again]'' I'll get you for this, Lupi- ''[And again]'' How do you turn this thing off? ==== Episode 7, Tutankhamun's 3,000 Year-Old Curse ==== :'''Jigen''': Inshallah, you two. ''[He exits, then pops his head back around the door]'' That basically means "good friggin' luck", pal. ---- :'''Zenigata''': I need a seat on the next direct flight to Cairo. :'''Clerk''': If that's your idea of a joke, sir, it's not appreciated. :'''Zenigata''': Listen, I don't know what the hell you're talking about, pal, but I need a... :'''Clerk''': This is an Israeli airport, sir. There are no direct flights to any Arab country. :''[Enraged, Zenigata grabs the clerk by his shoulders]'' :'''Zenigata''': Look, you, this is the last time I'm gonna ask you nicely. Get me a flight to Cairo! :'''Clerk''': Security! Hurry! We've got a lunatic! :''[The guards beat Zenigata and drag him away]'' :'''Zenigata''': No! Wait! Please! I'm one of the good guys, really! ---- :'''Jigen''': I know we're superstitious, but are we ''this'' superstitious? ---- :'''Goemon''': The sun sets, and the sun rises again. :'''Jigen''': The same sun the Pharaohs worshipped thousands of years ago. :''[Fujiko enters onto the deck, carrying the mask]'' :'''Fujiko''': Yes. You know our lives really are just the blink of an eye. :''[The guys notice Fujiko. All pause thoughtfully.]'' :'''Jigen''': How's he doing down there, anyway? :'''Fujiko''' Once he knew we were heading for the Valley of the Kings, he smiled and fell fast asleep. :'''Goemon''': Fujiko, is that the...? :''[Fujiko nods]'' :'''Fujiko''': I'm so ashamed of myself. I just hope it's not too late to return it. ''[Jigen and Goemon stare at her perspicaciously]'' He fell asleep in my arms, babbling and shivering. It was unbearable, seeing him like that, frail and frightened. He was clinging to me like a newborn baby. ---- :'''Fujiko''' The blood on the cuffs is his. He had to yank his hands free. You know as well as I do, Inspector, that if Lupin were in his right mind, he could just slip right out of them. :'''Zenigata''': You know, you got a point there. So, then, where would he be? :'''Fujiko''': He must be in the Valley of the Kings. :''[She covers her mouth as she realizes she just tipped off Zenigata. A broad, gleeful smile spreads across Zenigata's face]'' :'''Zenigata''': Much obliged, Fujiko. ---- :'''Lupin''': So, how was I? As a king? :'''Fujiko''': Sick and scary. :'''Lupin''': I mean, you know, before that. :'''Fujiko''': Oh, you want to know about... :'''Lupin''': Uh-huh. :'''Fujiko''': No, you didn't bring out the concubine in me. ''[Lupin is crestfallen]'' You were goofy. You should have seen yourself. :'''Lupin''': Damn! ==== Episode 8, The Venice Superexpress ==== :'''Lupin''': ''[in disguise]'' Hey, train dudes! Like, wait up, y'know? ---- :'''Lupin''': Hey, Jigen, listen up. Remember that map? :'''Jigen''': M-hm. Yeah. What about it? :'''Lupin''': You must have left it at the hotel. Zenigata found it and he's on the train. :'''Jigen''': What? Really? Nah. That's impossible. I'd never make a rookie mistake like that. :'''Goemon''': There's a simple way to resolve this. :''[Jigen sighs and searches his own jacket]'' :'''Jigen''': Yeah, sure, I got it right he- Where the hell is it? Aw, man. :'''Lupin''': Don't sweat it. Pops'll be looking for us, and luckily we're in disguise. I'm sure he's clueless about Martino. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Guess we're sharing this compartment. Come on, sit down. :'''Lupin''': Uh, no, man. It's like, you know... later! ''[He opens the next door, and finds Fujiko changing]'' Yeah! ''[She throws her shoe at him]'' :'''Fujiko''': Dirty hippy! :''[Zenigata peers out the doorway of his compartment. Lupin, seeing him, quickly gets up, whistles to himself with feigned innocence and hastily ducks into his own compartment]'' :'''Zenigata''': I could swear I heard a woman scream out here. ''[He heads to Fujiko's compartment and peers inside]'' Excuse me, but I thought... ''[Fujiko screams and throws her other shoe at Zenigata]'' Oww. ''[He reveals a shoe print on his face from where Fujiko hit him]'' ---- :'''Fujiko''': ''[in disguise]'' So, you're actually on a case, Inspector? How exciting! :'''Zenigata''': Oh, yeah? Exactly how excited are you? :''[Fujiko gasps at his tone. Zenigata reveals himself, without taking off his mask, to be Lupin in disguise]'' :'''Lupin''': You know, that jockey's outfit back there was giving me ideas. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Why, you're Lupin! Hold it right there! :'''Lupin''': Nope. ---- :'''Fujiko''': Lupin, listen! You gotta get out of there! You're gonna crash on that bridge up ahead! :'''Lupin''': Get over there first and blow up the bridge! :'''Fujiko''': No, you're insane! Don't do it! You're gonna plunge into the gorge! :'''Lupin''': Just do it, willya? Not that I don't appreciate your concern, sweetheart. :'''Fujiko''': ''[acting like a tsundere]'' Did you think I was talking about you? It's the loot I'm worried about! :''[Lupin reacts with frustration]'' ==== Episode 9, What Do You Think of the Ukiyo-e Blues ==== :'''Sharaku''': Water. Please, I... :''[He grabs Jigen's scotch]'' :'''Jigen''': No! Don't you drink that! It's not water, it's... :''[Sharaku downs the scotch]'' :'''Jigen''': Don't you... :''[Sharaku finishes the scotch and lies back down]'' :'''Jigen''': Damn it. Just my luck. This he's got the strength to finish. ---- :'''Jigen''': I hope he's just hungover. ==== Episode 10, Steal File M123 ==== :''[Lupin and Fujiko are locked in a basement]'' :'''Lupin''': Well, the good thing is, I don't think it's Hell. :'''Fujiko''': Not a real far cry, though. ---- :'''Jigen''': You know, you're like a friggin' teenager, Lupin. You gotta grow up, man. :'''Lupin''': ''[petulantly]'' I am ''not'' like a teenager! You guys suck! Go on, take off. Who needs ya? ''[He hears Jigen and Goemon leaving]'' It's not fair! Everyone's being mean to me! ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[as Zenigata]'' I'd say the acting's a bit over the top, wouldn't you? :'''Zenigata''': I'm not acting, me! ---- :'''Goemon''': ''[as Zenigata]'' Hey! What the hell is everybody doing dressed up like me? ---- :'''Chief''': Mr. Zenigata. :'''Zenigatas''': Yes! :''[The chief groans]'' :'''Zenigata''': Listen, I'm the real Zenigata. I should know who the hell I am, shouldn't I? :'''Zenigata 2''': ''[Lupin]'' He's lying, sir! :'''Zenigata 1''': ''[Jigen]'' They're all lying! :'''Zenigata 4''': ''[Goemon]'' Except for me! ---- :'''Zenigata''': Stewardess! Don't let them on there! :'''Jigen''': How did he get out? ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[seeing Zenigata on his and Lupin's tail]'' Butt pain at six o'clock. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Lupin, I know you can hear me. :'''Lupin''': That's a Roger, Red Baron. I'm here. :'''Zenigata''': I know you stole the file from Scotland Yard. Over. :'''Lupin''': Just casing the competition. Over. :'''Zenigata''': You better hand it over. Over. :'''Lupin''': Why don't you roll me in the clover? Over. :'''Zenigata''': ''YOU GO TO HEEEEEELLLL!'' Uh, over. ---- :'''Goemon''': So, the belt explodes if I do this? :'''Lupin''': Hey, hey! Not funny. ---- :'''Lupin''': Who wants chicken nuggets!? ---- :'''Jigen''': Are you sure? That was from the Queen, inviting you to Buckingham Palace, to thank you for your cooperation with Scotland Yard. :'''Lupin''': What?! The Queen?! Buckingham Palace?? ==== Episode 11, Wager on the Monaco GP ==== :'''Jigen''': Goemon, are you in? :'''Goemon''': Hmm... Why not? I'll give it a try. :'''Jigen''': Are you saying you've never been before? ---- :'''Lupin''': This is just great! After all the work I put into that stupid race tomorrow! :'''Jigen''': It's your own damn fault. :'''Lupin''': ''I KNOW!!!'' ---- :'''Jigen''': May I remind you the last time she got us a good deal was ''never''? ---- :'''Fujiko''': I've always thought of you boys as close relatives. :'''Lupin''': ''[incredulously]'' Yeah? That's what Lizzie Borden said. ---- :'''Lupin''': I can't believe I lost all that money. :'''Fujiko''': Yeah? Well, that was ''my'' money, you big dumb jerk! :''[She scratches his face]'' :'''Lupin''': Help! She's gonna kill me! :''[He flees down the promenade, with Fujiko in pursuit]'' :'''Fujiko''': You wish! Killing's too good for you! ==== Episode 12, A Present for the President ==== :'''Zenigata''': But I'm telling you, I'm the only one in the world who can capture this guy! :'''Bordeaux Chief''': I know what you are saying, but then why have you not captured him? :''[Zenigata hesitates]'' ---- :'''Bordeaux Chief''': Just follow me, Inspector Origami. :'''Zenigata''': Hey, the name's not Origami, it's Zenigata! ---- :''[Fujiko notices Lupin watching her get in the wine barrel]'' :'''Fujiko''': Grow up, will you? ''[Lupin giggles. As Fujiko gets into the barrel, she sees Goemon watching her]'' You, too? :'''Goemon''' ''[guiltily]'' Uh, me? Uh, I didn't see a thing. ---- :'''Bordeaux Chief''': It's all up to you, Inspector Epiglottis. ---- :'''Bordeaux Chief''': I know my job, Inspector Terra Cotta. ---- :'''Zenigata''': I knew you were settin' me up, Lupin. You had no idea where the bottle was, but I turned the tables on you, Lupin! I had him take me to the wrong place, and now you're hoist on your own whatever you call it. :'''Lupin''': ''[annoyed]'' "Petard", it's called a damn petard! ---- :''[Lupin is drunkenly driving the gang back to the hideout]'' :'''Jigen''': You sure you're okay to drive? :'''Lupin''': Oh, sure. I'm fine. Just fine. Little bit of alcohol like that isn't going to affect me. :'''Fujiko''': ''[sitting in the back with Goemon]'' Lupin, cut it out! ---- :''[Lupin and Goemon are seriously hungover]'' :'''Jigen''': You guys are a couple of lightweights. :'''Lupin''': Come on, man, keep it down, willya? :'''Jigen''': Ah, geez... :'''Goemon''': You know, just for the record, I've never been hungover from drinking sake. :'''Lupin'''': Gee, you think maybe that's cause it ''TASTES LIKE CRAP?!'' ---- :'''Bordeaux Chief''': Ah, here you are, my dear good friend and colleague, Inspector Pennsylvania. Mon ami. ''[He vigorously pumps the hungover Zenigata's arm]'' Merci. Thanks to you, the bottle is perfectly safe with us. ''[He slaps Zenigata on the back]'' :'''Zenigata''': Hey, Lieutenant, you think you can get my name right if I promise not to throw up on your shoes? ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[in disguise, offering to kiss Zenigata on the cheek]'' 'Allo! What about me? :'''Zenigata''': Uh, no thanks. Gotta run. Bye! ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[to a flight attendant he doesn't realize is Fujiko in disguise, gesturing suggestively]'' I'll take whateeeever you're serving. :'''Fujiko''': ''[going behind a curtain]'' Ugh. :'''Zenigata''': Oh, miiiiss? :'''Fujiko''': ''[politely]'' I'll be right back. ''[to Lupin]'' Let's get this over with. Now he's flirting with me! ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[in a note to Zenigata]'' "Dear Inspector: In recognition of your nearly successful efforts, here's some really cheap crap. HA!" ---- :'''Bordeaux Chief''': You are twice the hero, Inspector Sanitation. :'''Zenigata''': Um, well, I mean, uh... :'''Bordeaux Chief''': Modest, too! ---- :'''Reporter''': Inspector, you know Lupin and his gang better than anyone. Why would they pass up a chance to steal a priceless historical artifact in favor of a crate full of dolls intended as Christmas presents for underprivileged children? :'''Zenigata''': It's really baffling, that's all I can say. :'''Lupin Gang''': What'd he say?! ==== Episode 13, The Great San Francisco Chase==== :'''Lupin hallucination''': Aw, you don't wanna kill me. I mean, that'd just be case of murder-suicide, now, wouldn't it, Pops? ''[He laughs maniacally]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': I can't believe we were beaten to the punch like that! :'''Goemon''': You really need to let that go, my friend. :'''Fujiko''': Goemon's right, Lupin. You're really losing perspective here. I mean, we just scored the biggest, most beautiful diamond I've ever laid eyes on. :'''Lupin''': And will you love it as much when it retails for five bucks? ---- :'''Henchman''': ''[witnessing Zenigata talking in his sleep about Lupin]'' The boss was right. This guy is seriously obsessed. ---- :'''Henchman''': ''[smelling Zenigata's breath]'' Son of a bitch. Smells like something died in here. Guy could use a mint. ---- :'''Henchman 2''': Anyways, all's I'm saying is, great game plan, great team, great execution. :'''Boss''': And, uh, speaking of execution, you know what happens to guys who double-cross me, right? :'''Henchman 2''': Eh, we did it. I swear. Here, look. We even took a picture when we finished. :''[He hands the boss the picture. The boss is so shocked his voice slips]'' :'''Lupin''': ''Zenigata?!'' He's the guy?? ---- :'''Goemon''': ''[knocking out the henchmen]'' They'll be fine... ish. ---- :'''Lupin''': Anyway, we already know where the microfilm is. :'''Jigen''': Hell of a lot of good that does us. Though some fun pictures do come to mind. ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[after the psychiatrist uses a bizarre analogy to describe his depression]'' I suppose I should be flattered by that, but I guess I'm just too depressed. ---- :'''Zenigata''': You're not real... You're not real... You're not real! :'''Lupin''': Yoo-hoo! ''[He waggles his tongue at Zenigata. The Inspector screams and runs down the street, leaving a confused Lupin standing there]'' ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[while driving after Zenigata]'' He's driving like a friggin' maniac. ''[An amused little smile spreads across his face]'' I gotta admit it, though: It does feel kinda nice to be running ''his'' sorry ass ragged for a change. ---- :'''Jigen''': Admit it, you were blinded by diamonds and you betrayed us... just like a typical woman. ---- :'''Lupin''': Open wide now, Inspector Sleeping Beauty. ''[He holds Zenigata's nose. The Inspector sneezes violently, and the microfilm goes flying]'' What...? Hey! It's not in there! What's going on? :'''Fujiko''': Wh... Wha...? :'''Jigen''': ''[whistling and pointing to show the direction the microfilm flew in and then pointing to the ocean]'' Mmm... hm. Ker-plop. ---- :'''Lupin''': So, Pops, I hear you talk about me in your sleep! :'''Zenigata''': Shut up, shut up, shut ''up''! ==== Episode 14, The Great Caribbean Adventure ==== :'''Lupin''': Title! ---- :'''Goemon''': When a fever like that proves impervious to every stratagem of Western medicine, it's time for a little Jiryu-toh. :'''Lupin''': What the hell is Jiryu-toh? :'''Goemon''': It's a broth of pregnant earthworms. :''[Lupin gags]'' :'''Lupin''': Oh man, you gotta be kidding me. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Hey, that looked like them! Naw, it can't be. My brain's just rattled from this damn donkey ride. I mean, lots of people go hang-gliding into remote drug cult temples all the time and then... OH! IT IS HIM! ---- :'''Lupin''': You're not fooling me! I saw "The Wizard of Oz" 100 times! :'''Black Magician''': Alright, very well, then. Just trying to have a little fun, for heaven's sakes. ---- :''[The ruby has poor Zenigata hypnotised]'' :'''Zenigata''': My darling, you're so smooth and silky and stuff. Even smoother than mommy, and don't tell her, but I think you even smell a little better. It'll be our little secret... ==== Episode 15, The Great Detectives Take to the Sky==== :''[Zenigata rushes to the blimp as the gangway starts to close]'' :'''Zenigata''': Hey, hold it! I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming! :'''Announcer''': And we almost forgot Inspector Zenigata of Interpol. :''[Zenigata dives for the steps but misses. He jumps at the gap in between the steps]'' :'''Zenigata''': Damn it all, I just... :''[He lifts himself onto the steps, and they close, almost crushing him]'' :'''Announcer''': As did everyone else, apparently. ---- :'''Fujiko''': ''[doing a bad Peter Lorre impression]'' Gentlemen, dinner is served. ---- :'''Gabriel''': Lupin only has until midnight to steal this treasure. After that, not even the greatest thief in the world could pull it off. :'''Lupin''': ''[as Sherlock Holmes III]'' Quite brilliant, really. I must say. It's got me pondering the best orifice for my stamp collection. :'''Zenigata''': Uh... No way. I'm not gonna touch that one. Three hours left. :'''Gabriel''': So, come on. Candyland? Moustrap? Hungry Hippos? ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[as Archer]'' Why don't you just slip me a mickey? I mean, you got anything a little peppier? You know, like... ''[He drums on a bottle and hums a tune before falling over backwards]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': Just give it up. There's no way out of this this time, Lupin. We're puttin' you on ice for good and I got your mittens right here. ''[He pulls out a pair of handcuffs]'' :'''Lupin''': That's very kind, but you might wanna save those for that cold day in hell when I admit defeat. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[previewing the next episode]'' Oh, man, how did I get so ugly? And mean? Is that really me? Something funny's going on and I don't mean ha-ha funny like this. It's shocking. It's exciting. It's smack-me-up-the-head-and-call-me-Patsy. Catch you later! ==== Episode 16, The Two Faces of Lupin==== :'''Zenigata''': Lupin likes to think of himself as some sort of a gentleman thief. If he says he'll be here at three o'clock Thursday morning, you can count on it. ---- :'''Zenial''': What could you possible want, ma cherie? :'''Fujiko''': To feel loved, of course, mon petit escargot. :'''Zenial''': ''[confused]'' Your little... snail? ---- :'''Lupin''': So someone's running around impersonating me. I mean, what's so hard to grasp? I am something of a celebrity, you know. :'''Fujiko''': He dresses like you, he sounds like you, and he's got your fingerprints. :'''Lupin''': Yeah, but he's not as handsome, according to you. :'''Fujiko''': So what? You're a master of disguise, and I didn't say handsome anyway. ---- :'''Fujiko''': Whatever. You guys stick together, and I'll stick to my principles, like not working with killers. :''[She leaves in a huff]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[frustrated]'' What a hypocritical bitch! "Principles", my ass. ---- :'''Fake Lupin''': You know, if this was good enough to con a couple of cons like that, we just might win an Academy Award. :'''Dr. Normil''': Uh-huh. I could be Geffen, and you Katzenberg. But right now, I'd suggest that we check on our little Robert Downey Jr. :''[Lupin is slumped over the table, motionless and groaning]'' :'''Fake Lupin''': This I gotta see. How much of that stuff did you slip in? :''[Lupin completely passes out, drifting off into a deep sleep]'' :'''Dr. Normil''': ''[with a wicked chuckle]'' Enough. Yes, and he'll have absolutely no memory of anything that's happened. :'''Fake Lupin''': Yeah, or of anything that didn't happen either. :'''Dr. Normil''': ''[laughing]'' Exactly! ---- :''[Lupin stands on a tire and puts his head in a noose]'' :'''Lupin''': It's been fun... 'til now. :''[He kicks the tire away, but the second he does, a bullet from a revolver cuts the rope]'' :'''Lupin''': Damn it! Can't a guy kill himself in peace?!? :'''Fujiko''': Sorry, Lupin, but I just can't let you do this. ---- :''[Tied to a chair, Lupin suddenly tenses. Fujiko gasps]'' :'''Fujiko''': It's midnight, right on the dot! :''[Lupin writhes in his seat. Fujiko cocks her gun]'' :'''Fujiko''': Lupin, sorry I have to do this. We'll be together soon. :'''Lupin''': No, wait! It's a... It's a... :''[He sneezes]'' :'''Fujiko''': ''[relieved]'' I knew I was right. You're not a killer. In fact, you're even allergic to death. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[disguised as Dr. Normil]'' Aha! There he is! Look! :'''Zenigata''': Give me those. ''[He snatches the binoculars, nearly accidentally strangling Lupin, who still has the binoculars cord around his neck]'' ---- :'''Fujiko''': Old Pops is going to be really disappointed, but at least he didn't go empty-handed, you know? ==== Episode 17, Aim for the Oildollar ==== :'''Jigen''': Okay, Goemon. You take his right leg, I'll take his left one. :''[They grab Lupin, hold him upside down and shake him]'' :'''Lupin''': Ooh! Ooh! Hey! Guys! Easy! Ow! Ooh! Uh! Ooh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! ---- :''[Jigen paces back and forth across the room]'' :'''Goemon''': We did everything we could. You know that, Jigen. :'''Jigen''': Yeah, I know, I know. :'''Fujiko''': Poor Lupin. :'''Lupin''': ''[from the bathroom]'' Oh! Atlantic Ocean! :''[He emerges feebly from the bathroom]'' :'''Jigen''': What happened? Are you all right? :'''Lupin''': Yeah. I'm fine. ''[He presents the bomb Lawrence made him swallow]'' But that horse laxative almost did me in. ---- :'''Goemon''': Shut up and have some dignity, for god's sake. ''[Fujiko blows a raspberry at him]'' Real mature. ---- :'''Lupin''': What? But, hey! What about all the money? :'''Fujiko''': Hey, I wasn't exactly in a strong bargaining position or anything. :'''Lupin''': Yeah, but, couldn't you... You know... :'''Fujiko''': What, take on the whole group of them in alphabetical order? :'''Jigen''': Well, it's not like it'd be the first time or anything. ==== Episode 18, The Black Panther ==== :'''Lupin''': This is great. I mean, this is the ultimate mother of all birthday presents. Can you imagine her reaction when she opens it up? "You're giving me the Black Panther? Oh, Lupin, I love you! Come over here, I want to be your little pussycat!" ''[He makes kissing sounds near Goemon]'' :'''Goemon''': First, I'm not a prop for your sexual fantasies. Secondly... ''[He pushes Lupin away]'' You don't have it yet. ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[showing the hotel clerk a picture of Lupin]'' This is what he looks like. Well, most of the time, I mean. Sometimes he's a woman, or an eskimo, or... Anyway, have you seen him? ---- :''[The gang spies on Conaiseau]'' :'''Jigen''': It sounds like they're getting ready to hit the road. Yeah, you called it, Lupin. :'''Lupin''': I still can't figure it, though. This guy's nuts. At least with Pops, it's all, you know, pretty damn... predictable. :'''Zenigata''': ''[suddenly appearing at the window]'' ''Well, well!'' :'''Lupin''': Usually, anyway! :'''Zenigata''': All of you, out of the car now! :'''Lupin''': Well, what can one say to a gracious invitation like that except... Bleh! FLOOR IT! :''[The gang drives away]'' ---- :'''Jigen''': Where the hell are these guys going? :'''Lupin''': Beats me. Better not be one of those three-hour tours you hear about on Nick@Nite. :'''Jigen''': ''[chuckling]'' Yeah. ---- :'''Lupin''': Sounds to me like someone's afraid he might not measure up. :'''Jigen''': Oh, that's ridiculous, man! My resemblance to Dillinger inspired me to pursue this career! :'''Lupin''': What, his scrawny ass? :'''Jigen''': Okay, fine! If it'll shut you up, let's just go! ---- :'''Naturist Woman''': Can't you read? This is a restricted area. Women only. Where's your registration tag? :'''Lupin''': ''[leering]'' Gee, I forget. I guess you'll just have to frisk me. :''[A woman scratches Lupin's face. He and Conaiseau are chased by a mob of angry women]'' :'''Conaiseau''': That's no way to charm a lady! :'''Lupin''': Oh, like I'm gonna take lessons from you! ==== Episode 20, Lupin Up Against the Wall ==== :'''Zenigata''': ''[to Lupin]'' You're coming with me! ''[Fujiko knocks him out]'' Ow. :'''Fujiko''': Clumsy me. ---- :'''Generalissimo Hatler''': Mobilize the tanks! :'''Hess''': Ja wohl! :'''Zenigata''': ''[gagged with tape]'' Not the tanks, you big gorilla! Can't you see? That's just what he wants! He thrives on chaos! ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[through his gag]'' See you later, Lupin! You'll be hearing from me! ---- :'''Lupin''': I'd been meaning to ask you: How'd that flesh wound of yours heal up? :'''Fujiko''': I'm as good as new. :'''Lupin''': Really? Ooh... ''[He takes a look between Fujiko's breasts]'' I'll just... :''[Fujiko yelps and slaps Lupin.]'' :'''Fujiko''': ''Lupin''! :''[The young man careens down the hill in his wheelchair]'' :'''Lupin''': Whoooooa! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, noooooooo! :''[He passes Jigen and Goemon. Goemon rests by the trunk while Jigen is on one of the branches. Lupin continues screaming in the background]'' :'''Jigen''': Hey, we've done all we can for the guy. :'''Goemon''': He's on this own this time. :''[Lupin bumps along the dirt path, yelping. Zenigata approaches in his path]'' :'''Zenigata''': Whoa, what's that? ''[Lupin speeds uncontrollably in his direction]'' Hey, wait a minute! :'''Lupin''': I can't stop! :''[Zenigata runs towards Lupin]'' :'''Zenigata''': It's Lupin! ''[He decides it's a good idea to run back in the other direction]'' Hey! Whoa! :'''Lupin''': Pops! Wait! Please help me! :'''Zenigata''': Hey! Get away from me! ''[Zenigata runs down a hill shoulder with Lupin bouncing close behind]'' Get away from me! What are you doing? Let go of me! :'''Lupin''': Help! Help! :''[They crash into each other and fall over]'' ==== Episode 23, Witch of the Fourth Dimension ==== :'''Chief''': Well, give my regards to Speed Racer. I bid you adieu. :'''Zenigata''': ''[into his hat]'' Penis! :'''Chief''': Pardon? :''[Zenigata turns and hits his head on the door]'' :'''Zenigata''': Ow. Must have caught a cold or something. ''[He feigns another sneeze]'' Asswipe! ---- :'''French Taxi Driver''': Who are you? :'''Zenigata''': ''[sarcastically]'' I'm Jerry Lewis! :''[He hijacks the taxi]'' :'''French Taxi Driver''': You've lost weight! ---- :'''Zenigata''': I'm a very grumpy guy. ---- :'''Jigen''': Hey, Goemon. :'''Goemon''': Yes? What? Well? :'''Jigen''': It's Fujiko. She wants to talk to Lupin. :'''Goemon''': Uh-oh. :'''Jigen''': I know. I'm afraid just hearing her voice. It's gonna be enough to make him jump out the window or something. :'''Lupin''': BANZAI! :''[a glass window breaks]'' :'''Jigen''': You know? ---- :'''Bujiko''': Now here's a map, whether you believe it or not. I think it's in some kind of code. :'''Lupin''': That looks like... hieroglyphics! :''[Remembering the curse of King Tutankhamun, Lupin becomes very frightened]'' :'''Bujiko''': What the...? ''[She tenderly touches Lupin's chin as he trembles]'' You know, I don't understand what you're saying to me, Lupin, and that really ticks me off. :'''Lupin''': It's the curse of King Tut. I already did that one! :'''Bujiko''': But it's kind of cute, you know? ==== Episode 24, The Phantom Thief Nezumi Kozō ==== :'''Lupin''': Okay, so who've you ticked off? :'''Goemon''': No one. :'''Jigen''': ''[to Lupin]'' He's got a point. I mean, ''you're'' the annoying one on this team. ---- :'''Goemon''': Huh? There's a light on. This guy's brazen. ---- :'''Rat Boy''': And I didn't just bathe in there, either. ---- :'''Goemon''': What's this? :'''Rat Boy''': Well, with books, it usually helps to open them up. ---- :'''Goemon''': Whoa, what's all this? :'''Rat Boy''': Well, it's your ancestor, Goemon the Tenth, having a bad hair day, apparently. ---- :'''Rat Boy''': If that doesn't tell you how close they were, then maybe I could draw you a picture. :'''Goemon''': Uh, no, that's alright. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Holy crap, where is he, damn it all?! ''[He opens the door, smashing the Chief]'' Chief, are you here?! ---- :'''Chief''': Cause if we do fail... It's... ''[He makes a throat-slicing motion and a gagging noise]'' :'''Zenigata''': Don't worry about it, Chief. This one's a no-brainer. ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[bursting into Lupin's room]'' Hey, Lupin, we've got a problem. ''[To his dismay, he finds the young man snoring away in bed]'' Oh, man. Look at him. ''[He opens the curtains, then shakes Lupin gently on the shoulder]'' Hey, buddy, get out of bed. It's lunchtime. ''[Lupin sleeps blissfully on]'' Wouldn't you know it? Dead to the world. I swear to God, this guy could sleep through World War friggin' Three. Sorry, man, but I'm afraid you leave no alternative. Gotta bring out the heavy artillery. Hey, Fujiko! Put on some clothes! :''[Lupin wakes up immediately. He springs out of his bed, inadvertently throwing his duvet over Jigen]'' :'''Lupin''': Huh?! Where?! Tell me! Come on! :'''Jigen''': ''[throwing the cover off]'' She's not here, Lupin. :'''Lupin''': What the-? Hey! That's low! I'll get you. Just you wait. ---- :'''Jigen''': Hey, hey Romeo. We only got till tomorrow at noontime. :'''Lupin''': Thanks, ''mom''. Don't wait up for me now. I can let myself in. ---- :'''Officer''': This guy was drunk and disorderly, Inspector. Put up quite a fight on the way here. :'''Zenigata''': ''THEN LOCK HIM UP! WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO, MAKE YOU A POT OF COFFEE?! GO ON! GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!'' ---- :'''Ratboy''': ''[to his mouse]'' Okay, Liza. Make me proud. ---- :'''Ratboy''': ''[in disguise, while in the men's room]'' Uh, well, I, uh, thought I smelled gas... :'''Zenigata''': Oh, yeah? :''[He slowly approaches Ratboy, who stands there, terrified. Then Zenigata laughs lightly]'' :'''Zenigata''': Well, doesn't that, you know, sorta come with the territory? ---- :''[Jigen is woken by the sun's glare]'' :'''Jigen''': Crap! ''[He checks his watch]'' Huh? How the hell did I sleep so late? Damn it. Some kind of a lookout. I must be getting old, or something. ''[He hears Lupin's laughter behind him]'' Lupin! Listen, man. I have no idea know how this happened. I mean, one minute, I'm scoping out the plaza down there, and the next thing I know... :'''Lupin''': ''[calming him down]'' It's okay. Ratboy's been working for us all night. :'''Jigen''': What? The rat? Working for us? :'''Lupin''': Yeah, and he's not half bad, either. I mean, you know, for a super-annoying, ugly little pimple-beaked freakazoid. So, that crate pretty comfortable? ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[laughing at the ridiculous situation while also hearing Ratboy's laugh]'' Oh, brother. Does he always laugh like that? :'''Jigen''': I'm afraid so. ==== Episode 25, The Coming of the Iron Lizards ==== :'''Jigen''': Uh, Lupin? :'''Lupin''': Yeah? :'''Jigen''': Knock, knock. :'''Lupin''': Who's there? :'''Jigen''': Land shark! ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[disguised as a guard]'' Admittedly, it's all a bit Coyote and Road Runner, but it works. ---- :'''Fujiko''': Quit staring down my slip and pull me up! ---- :'''Zenigata''': Well, at least he's alive. Thank goodness for that. ==== Episode 26, The Rose and the Pistol ==== :''[Jigen starts after the woman's kidnappers]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[pinkies cuffed]'' Hey, Jigen, wait! Give me a hand here! :'''Jigen''': Damn, how the hell did that happen? :''[Lupin struggles with the cuffs, which are being held on a long piece of twine by an unconscious Zenigata]'' :'''Jigen''': Look, handle yourself. I'd better go. :'''Lupin''': Hey! Get back here! ''[He goes over to Zenigata and fishes for a keyring. He finds to his disappointment that there are lots of keys]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': I don't dare set foot outside wearing this fleschuganah thing on my pinkie! I mean, what if it's some weird code that says I wanna get spanked by a skinhead or something? ==== Episode 27, Find the Cinderella Stamp==== :'''Jigen''': ''[while Lupin and Fujiko argue with Alice]'' OK, now, children, let's just... ---- :''[Alice pretends that Fujiko is her mother, so the police ask her to come with them]'' :'''Jigen''': Call me when you're done, uh, ''darling''. ---- :'''Lupin''': This is bad for our reputation. I mean, if anything, ''she'' kidnapped ''us''! :'''Jigen''': Well if you ask me, I'm not sure that's much better for our reputation. ---- :''[Jigen pistol-whips the officers holding Lupin]'' :'''Jigen''': Leave this to me. You go get the girl. :''[Lupin runs off down the street after the girl, and Zenigata runs after him]'' :'''Lupin''': ''ALIIICE!'' :'''Zenigata''': ''LUPIIIN!'' ==== Episode 29, Electroshock Pigeon Tactics ==== :''[Lupin's car is out of control]'' :'''Jigen''': Slow down, would ya? :'''Lupin''': I can't! :'''Jigen''': What do you mean, you can't? :'''Lupin''': Hey, the friggin' brakes are out! :''[He presses on the brakes to show Jigen]'' :'''Lupin''': See? :'''Jigen''': What? Well, don't just tap'em! :'''Lupin''': I'm not just tapping! Look! :'''Jigen''': Then how come it's not stopping? :'''Lupin''': Because... the brakes... ''ARE OUT!'' ---- :'''Jigen''': Call me superstitious, but next time you're thinking about that broad, don't actually say her name out loud, okay? :'''Fujiko''': ''[from down below]'' Lupin! :'''Lupin''': Huh? :'''Jigen''': No! :'''Lupin''': Hey! :'''Jigen''': Don't say it! :'''Lupin''': It's Fujiko! :'''Jigen''': Aw, crap. ---- :''[Zenigata sees Lupin and Jigen floating in mid air]'' :'''Zenigata''': GOOD GRAVY! :'''Baron''': Let me see! :''[He looks through the telescope]'' :'''Baron''': Ah, you see? Just as I told you. Hmm... :'''Zenigata''': It's the damnedest damn thing I ever saw in my damn life! ---- :'''Baron''': They're falling... They're thrown clear of the car which explodes... when then, they gently float down to earth, bobbing just over the water like pixies. ---- :'''Fujiko''': Will everything be... Well, you know, intent? :'''Doctor''': Ah, yes, I assume you refer to his hoo-hah. ---- :'''Lupin''': Her dot... and his dot... are like one big happy dot! ---- :'''Fujiko''': ''[tossing the bubble maker up and down in her hand]'' So tell me, did you invent this, or did you steal it? :'''Lupin''': Well, I guess that depends on which one would really impress you. :'''Fujiko''': I guess... I'd have to say if you invented it. :'''Lupin''': ''[leaning in for a kiss]'' Okay, then let's just say that I invented it, shall we? :'''Fujiko''': ''[holding up the pin-like tracking device Lupin planted in her hair]'' Okay. :''[She pops the bubble she and Lupin are in. Lupin begins to plummet towards the ocean and frantically claws at the air. Fujiko grows a new bubble for herself]'' :'''Fujiko''': Then you can just make yourself a new one. :'''Lupin''': But, Fujiko...! :'''Fujiko''': ''[mockingly]'' What? You didn't lie, did you? :'''Lupin''': ''Of course I diiiid!'' :''[Zenigata waits beneath Lupin as he plunges in his direction]'' :'''Zenigata''': ''Don't worry, Lupin! I'll catch you!'' :''[He grins eagerly]'' :'''Lupin''': MOMMYYYYY! :''[As Lupin nears the ocean's surface, Zenigata leaps out of the ocean at him]'' ==== Episode 30, The Winds of Morocco are Hot ==== :'''Lupin''': Listen, Commander, I really wish you all the best with this big bloodbath of yours, but, unfortunately, I'm not going to be sticking around. :'''Foreign Legion Commander''': Ah, I understand. Well, it's up to you. But I should warn you, the only way out of here is up those steps over there. :''[He points to a guillotine. Lupin grimly imagines himself being beheaded]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[in his imagination]'' Help me! Ahh! Help! Help me, please! I really don't wanna die! Help me, please! Please, stop! I'm too young to die! And too handsome, and charming, and... :''[Back in the real world, Lupin continues to stare at the blade]'' :'''Foreign Legion Commander''': But, hey, if you have to go, you have to go. I totally respect that. :'''Lupin''': ''[hopefully]'' And you're sure that's the only, only way? There's no, like, camel taxi or anything? ---- :'''Foreign Legion Commander''': Such petty rivalries are nothing but a bourgeois luxury, which the true revolutionary must abandon. Plus, I hate you. ---- :'''Lupin''': Damn. I haven't felt so trapped and helpless since the last time I went to Disneyland. But at least when I was at Disneyland, nobody ever forced me to share a teacup with Goofy. :'''Zenigata''': You'll be sharing a cell with rats when I get you back to Japan! :'''Lupin''': Yeah, well, be that as it may... It'll be the land of the ''setting'' sun for you if you stick around here and end up in the middle of some revolutionary uprising. :''[He imagines himself and Zenigata clinging to each other in the middle of a battlefield, then imagines himself crying over Zenigata's grave as the Inspector floats away as an angel]'' :'''Zenigata''': But... What about my poor mother?! ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[holding Lupin lightly by the back of his jacket]'' I got you right in the palm of my hand. And I'm not lettin' ya... :'''Lupin''': ''[pulling himself free]'' No wonder you never caught me. ---- :'''Foreign Legion Commander''': ''[attracted to a disguised Zenigata]'' What would I have to pay for her? :'''Lupin''': Trust me, you don't want her. :'''Foreign Legion Commander''': Why not? :'''Lupin''': Uh, well... I mean, it's just... ''[Zenigata makes a show of cuddling up to Lupin]'' You know... I love her so much. ''[He fake sobs]'' :'''Foreign Legion Commander''': Alright, get going. :'''Lupin''': Thank you. What a nice man. ==== Episode 31, Shoot Into the Midnight Sun ==== :''[An exhausted Zenigata knocks on the door of a Swedish police car]'' :'''Zenigata''': Zenigata, with Interpol. Would you give me a lift? :'''First Swedish Officer''': Ja, sure. :'''Zenigata''': I'm beat. ''[He gets in]'' It's ten o'clock. Why is it still light out? :'''First Swedish Officer''': We have a thing here called the midnight sun, and it... :'''Zenigata''': THAT WAS RHETORICAL! THE POINT IS, I HAVEN'T SLEPT IN A WEEK! :'''First Swedish Officer''': Ah, well. Here, try this eye mask. :'''Zenigata''': Oh, yeah? Huh. ''[He ties it around his face, then yawns]'' :'''Second Swedish Officer''': ''[not realizing Zenigata is already asleep]'' I'm guessing you got some tip about Mr. Lupin. :'''Zenigata''': ''[startled]'' ARGH! WHERE? DAMN! LUPIN! ''[He holds up his hands]'' Whoa! I can't see! ''What's goin' on?!'' Hey! Is it... the apocalypse? :'''First Swedish Officer''': It's just the eye mask. You're fine. :''[Zenigata pulls up the eye mask]'' :'''Zenigata''': ''[sheepishly]'' Uh... I knew that. ''[He looks out the back window]'' Damn midnight sun's a menace! :''[He clears his throat and pulls the eye mask back down]'' :'''First Swedish Officer''': So, what's Lupin doing here? :'''Zenigata''': Well, it isn't really that clear yet. Could be, he's trying to make his way to the North Pole. Yep, it's the closest place to the old midnight sun this time of the year. He'll blast off in a rocket ship and steal it, I tell ya. I just figured it out. He's gonna steal the sun, mama, so he can get away with everything. ''[The officers exchange confused glances]'' But I'm not gonna care at all, 'cause it's gonna be... so dark. :''[He yawns loudly. The officers shrug. Lupin and Jigen approach the car]'' :'''Jigen''': Is that Pops in the back seat, blindfolded? :'''Lupin''': Sure looks like it. Poor guy just can't seem to catch a break. :''[He gets out a cigarette and goes up to the officers]'' :'''Lupin''': Hi. How's it going, guys? Mind if I borrow your lighter for a second? :'''Second Swedish Officer''': There's no smoking in our town. :'''Lupin''': ''[reaching in through the back window]'' Ah. It slipped my mind. :''[He and Jigen walk away laughing. Zenigata wakes up suddenly]'' :'''Zenigata''': Hey! Wait a minute! Lupin did it! Seen that everything's all dark! :'''Second Swedish Officer''': Inspector, take off your mask. :''[Zenigata does so]'' :'''Zenigata''': I didn't... talk in my sleep or anything, did I? :'''Swedish Officers''': ''[as Zenigata rubs his eyes]'' Not a word. ---- :'''Goemon''': So then, what's the plan? :'''Lupin''': What the hell do you think? Plunder. :'''Goemon''': Because? :'''Jigen''': Huh? :'''Lupin''': Just think of the consequences if we didn't do it. One of those girls is going to die, and do you want that on your conscience? I know I don't and... Uh, well... :'''Goemon''': Go on. :'''Jigen''': And because... it's what we do. :'''Lupin''': Uh, yeah. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[still digging]'' 'Cause that was different... The curse was on that mask, so I totally understood... But this is just crazy. I mean, don't come crying to me when I'm sitting on the biggest... ==== Episode 32, Lupin Dies Twice ==== :'''Fujiko''': Come on, Lupin, please just let him catch you this one time. :'''Lupin''': So, I guess this means we're going to be giving up together. :'''Fujiko''': It does? :'''Lupin''': Sure! That's the power of love. :'''Fujiko''': I, love you? :'''Lupin''': You see? :'''Fujiko''': I'm not fooling around. :'''Lupin''': 'Cause this is all you need. :'''Fujiko''': You're gonna need a doctor. :'''Zenigata''': ''[feeling like he's having to come between a pair of squabbling children]'' Just shut up, you two! Both of ya! ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[on the phone]'' And the inscription on the headstone should read: "Here lies poor Lupin, Fujiko-less. At least if she visits, he can look up her dress." ---- :''[Zenigata and Fujiko rush to the morgue]'' :'''Zenigata''': Chief! Fill me in! What have you got here? :'''Chief''': Well, sir, we got a DOA ''[meaning "Dead on arrival"]''. And we got his partners here waiting to be interrogated. :'''Zenigata''': Hold on! Are you saying Lupin's deceased?! ''Do you think I was born yesterday or something?! Huh?!'' ''THE ONLY DUMMMY AROUND HERE IS THE DOA!'' :''[Zenigata, Fujiko and the chief enter the morgue]'' :'''Zenigata''': ''[scoffing]'' The old coffin gambit, Lupin? Come on, you big con artist. ''[He waves his handcuffs]'' Alright, open 'er up. :''[The mortician opens the coffin. Lupin lies inside, motionless and pale]'' :'''Zenigata''': That's our guy! :'''Fujiko''': ''No!'' :'''Zenigata''': Hey, Lupin! Get up! Come on! Hey, Lupin! Cut it out, willya? Come on! ''[He shakes the thief's head]'' I'm not kiddin', Lupin! This isn't funny! ''[He starts crying]'' Damn it, Lupin! It can't be true! :'''Chief''': Inspector, please, maybe you should control yourself. :'''Zenigata''': ''[sobbing]'' You can't really be dead! I never told you this before, but I love you! What am I gonna do without you? You're my whole reason to live! How could you do this to me? I hate you! No, I don't! I don't! I'm sorry! ''[He rubs his tear-streaked face against Lupin's]'' Please don't leave me, Lupin! :'''Chief''': ''[placing a comforting hand on Zenigata's shoulder]'' It's alright, Inspector. :''[Zenigata furiously handcuffs the officer, then, sobbing hysterically, tears out of the building, firing his pistol into the air]'' :'''Zenigata''': '''Puma! I'll get you, you son of a bitch!''' ---- :''[Zenigata is arrested]'' :'''Zenigata''': Hey! Wait, I ... ''[The officers throw him into cell with Jigen and Goemon]'' Ow. :'''Jigen''': Yo, Pops! :'''Zenigata''': Yo yourself, you damn bastard! I oughta... :''[He tackles Jigen]'' :'''Jigen''': What the... hey! :'''Zenigata''': What the hell kind of a partner are you anyway? How could you just let him go and die like that?! ---- :''[Lupin lies in his casket. Six feet above him, we hear the voices of the mortician and Fujiko]'' :'''Mortician''': It should be wearing off by now. :'''Fujiko''': And you're sure there's no chance he could have suffocated? :''[Inside the casket, a light turns on. We hear Lupin's heartbeat steadily growing louder]'' :'''Mortician''': A body in this kind of suspended animation requires very little oxygen. :''[Lupin exhales, then opens his eyes]'' :'''Fujiko''': You'd better be right about that. ---- :''[Lupin's casket is unearthed, just as the drugs he needed to fake his own death have worn off]'' :'''Lupin''': Mommy. ''[He yawns]'' What a nap. :''[Fujiko lifts off his casket lid and greets him with a knowing smile]'' :'''Fujiko''': Are you all right? :'''Lupin''' : ''[sitting up with a rose in his hand and an amorous expression on his face]'' You tell me. ''[He leans in to kiss Fujiko, surreptitiously placing the flower into her shirt, and she slaps hm]'' Hey, what the hell kind of greeting is that? I mean, especially after that touching tribute that I gave you on my headstone. :'''Fujiko''': ''[sarcastically]'' Yeah. Real romantic. :''[Lupin takes a look at the headstone]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[forgetting part of his phone conversation with the mortician]'' Hey! That's just crass! ---- :'''Lupin''': I wanted to see that face. Just once before I say... Hasta la bye bye! ==== Episode 34, Lupin Becomes a Vampire ==== :'''Lupin''': ''[stealing a gold statue]'' I'd like to thank the Academy and all the little people who made this possible, especially a certain Inspector... ''[He stops short when he sees a large black wolf in front of him]'' Uh... You don't really want me. I just wet myself. ---- :''[Jigen and Fujiko are hanging up garlic all over their hideout]'' :'''Goemon''': Oh, come on, guys! This is the pits, literally. I mean it's starting to smell like Pavarotti's armpits in here. :'''Jigen''': Yeah, well, I'm sorry about that, pal, but when it comes to vampires, I don't take any chances. :''[He gives Goemon a chained cross]'' :'''Jigen''': I mean, I know your family's been Shinto for like ten generations... :'''Goemon''': Longer. :'''Jigen''': But that doesn't mean crap to a vampire. :'''Goemon''': You know, there's something very offensive about that. ---- :'''Fujiko''': ''[as a storm rages on mount Onihime]'' No way to get up that mountain tonight. Only an idiot would dare to attempt it. :''[Cut to Zenigata clutching onto a steep mountainside in the pouring rain]'' :'''Zenigata''': ''What the hell am I doing up here?!'' I'M SCARED OF THUNDER! I'M SCARED OF HEIGHTS! ---- :'''Jigen''': Wait a minute, Lupin, you were bitten by that bitch, weren't you? :'''Lupin''': Something... ''[He takes off his fake neck]'' ... just happened to come between us. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Feel kind of cheesy about this. Last time I prayed, it was for a two-wheeler. ==== Episode 36, Expose the Secret of Tsukikage Castle ==== :'''Jigen''': But a loon like that, I mean, this treasure could turn out to be a bunch of sumo wrestler bobblehead dolls or a big ball of tinfoil, y'know? :'''Goemon''': It's possible. But it's said that among his possessions was a sword, called Tsukikagemaru. :'''Lupin''': I have no idea what that means, Jigen... :'''Goemon''': I just explained that to you, it's a sword! :'''Lupin''': ... But it sounds important to him, so whaddya say? ---- :''[Lupin sits at the table trying to decipher a code while the blinded Jigen rests in the mattress and Goemon sits at the table with Lupin, trying not to fall asleep]'' :'''Lupin''': Let's see, I've tried adding, subtracting, multiplying, dividing... I don't know, what else can you do with a number? ''[He yawns and falls on his back]'' Truth be told, math was never my best subject. I was always more of a... ''[He yawns again]'' ... More of a recess kind of guy. ---- :'''Fujiko''': Hard at work, I see. So, how's it going? :'''Lupin''': Not well at all. :'''Goemon''': Because you are not trying. :'''Lupin''': Hey, you're sitting there like a Buddha! I'm working my ass off! ---- :'''Zenigata''': A flying crow will always... Uh, never mind. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Who the hell's the new woman in your gang?! I thought you only had eyes for Fujiko! :'''Lupin''': I swear, I don't know what you mean! :'''Zenigata''': You can't fool me, Lupin! I just saw Fujiko in Tokyo, vamping some rich stud. :'''Lupin''': What? What? But, but, uh...! ---- :'''Jigen''': Hey, don't blow a gasket there, Pops! :'''Zenigata''': I'll blow whatever the hell I want to! ''[He gets hit in the head by a falling gold coin. He catches it in his hands as he lies on the ground]'' Hey, wow! :''[More gold coins fall on top of him]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[pouting]'' Aww... it's just not fair. ==== Episode 37, Find the Treasure of Genghis Khan ==== :'''Lupin''': It's really not over 'til the fat lady sings. ''[He jumps off the roof]'' And I don't mean you either! ---- :'''Priest'''': Hey! Get off my bike! :'''Zenigata''': Shut up! :'''Priest''': Don't tell me to shut up! :'''Zenigata''': I'll tell you whatever I want to! :'''Priest''': Oh, yeah?! :'''Zenigata''': Yeah! :'''Priest''': You shut up! :'''Zenigata''': Shut up! :'''Priest''': You shut up! :'''Zenigata''': You...! ==== Episode 40, Operation Missilejack ==== :'''Security System''': Please state today's code phrase. :'''Chief''': ''[in a completely serious tone]'' I want my daddy and mommy, I'm scared and I want to go home. :''[Lupin, who is disguised as the Chief's pet tiger, looks up at the Chief in confusion and astonishment]'' :'''Security System''': Voice print code and phrase confirmed. ---- :'''Fujiko''': ''[running a finger around Zenigata's face]'' I've been having the naughtiest dreams about you, you know that? And you know what I'm doing to you in those dreams? ''[She rips the plaster off of Zenigata's nose]'' ''This!'' :''[Zenigata screams through gritted teeth. Around a corner, Lupin tries to stifle giggles]'' ==== Episode 41, Find Princess Kaguya's Treasure ==== :'''Fujiko''': You ever heard of anything so ridiculous in your life? ''[She sees Lupin staring deliriously ahead and gibbering with Kaguya's bottle resting on his tongue and hearts in his eyes]'' Ugh. Ask a stupid question. ---- :'''Kaguya''': Nice little streak, but all good things come to an end. :'''Jigen''': Well, if the end I'd be coming to is yours, then hey, count me in. ---- :'''Fujiko''': Now it's a dragon's liver. What is she, some kind of refugee from a friggin' fairy tale? Well, she'll regret not inviting me to the ball. ---- :'''Jigen''': Here, mer-y-mer-y-mer-y maid. I don't even know what any of these damn things is supposed to look like. ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[seeing the mermaid]'' Is that a shark? If it is, it's got a great rack. ---- :'''Fujiko''': Now, for the last time, do you want to know where Lupin is or not? :'''Zenigata''': Of course. I flew all the way over here, didn't I? Start talking. :'''Fujiko''': The Himalayas. :'''Zenigata''':... The ''what?'' :''[Out in the Himalayas, Lupin walks up the mountain with his guide, merrily singing]'' :'''Lupin''': ''Edelweiss, edelweiss, you look happy to greet me. Edel- uh, uh...'' ''[He sneezes]'' ---- :'''Goemon''': ''[exiting a dragon's mouth, carrying its liver]'' Wait a minute. Did I leave my wallet in there?... Crap. ---- :''[Lupin charges out of the tent, swinging a baseball bat. He swings at the yeti, but it dodges, and Lupin falls on his face in the snow. He swings again and again at the yeti, but it backs away and keeps dodging. He falls into a snowdrift and swings the bat around blindly]'' :'''Lupin''': Where'd you go, you son of a bitch?! You can't hide from me! :''[He hits the yeti's leg. It cries in pain. Lupin looks up out of the snowdrift and beams triumphantly]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[mockingly]'' Not so scary now, are you, you big ape? Aww, you want your mommy? Big wussy. Look at you. You should be ashamed of yourself. :''[A tear forms in the yeti's eye]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[realizing he's not using the right tone]'' Uh, no, wait, I mean... That's wrong. ''[He holds out the bottle to the yeti's eye]'' Just let it out, baby. No need to be stoic. That's right. You have yourself a good cry. Come on. It's all right. ''[Several frozen tears fall into the bottle. He looks at the frozen tears]'' Wow, that's not really a whole lot. Might have to hit you again. ''[The yeti bawls. An avalanche starts, and Lupin runs down the mountain]'' Damn it! Why couldn't I just leave well enough alone?! ---- :'''Jigen''': Hey, so what happened with the whole retreaty fasting thing? :'''Goemon''': Uh, well, I got hungry, and... Hey, I'm stuck out here. Could you give me a lift? :'''Jigen''': Hop in. I'm in sort of a hurry. ---- :'''Kaguya''': ''[seeing the frozen Lupin]'' What happened? Is he...? :'''Sherpa''': He'll be fine. But he said to give this to you. ''[He hands Kaguya the bottle with the frozen tears in it]'' :'''Kaguya''': And you're sure that these are the tears of the Yeti? :'''Sherpa''': I saw it. And the curse of the Yeti came down on him swiftly. :'''Kaguya''': That's so... sweet. :''[She kisses Lupin on the cheek. The young man blushes so furiously that steam rises from his head and shoulders]'' ---- :'''Goemon''': ''[seeing the frozen Lupin]'' ''That'' can't be comfortable. ---- :'''Jigen''': Hey, I know you guys think ''I'm'' a misogynist, but it's not exactly a red-letter day for ''your'' side of the argument. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[after being thawed out on a spit]'' Just great! You think you know a guy, then you turn around and he tries to eat you! ---- :'''Lupin''': Wow, a real sleeping prince... just like Tchaikovsky's! ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[about Kaguya]'' Goemon, look, I know she lied to us and everything, but come on. Cut her a break. Have a heart. :'''Goemon''': I'm not angry with her, it's that damn Fujiko I want to kill! ---- :'''Lupin''': ''Hey!! Fujiko!!'' :'''Fujiko''': Lupin, I can't share it with you! I don't know if there's enough for two! :'''Lupin''': '''I don't want any!''' ''Do you know what it is?! Do you?!?'' :'''Fujiko''': Yeah, an eternal youth potion of some kind. Why else would she want it? :'''Lupin''': You idiot! Kaguya had that created for her very sick husband! He's in a coma! :''[Fujiko gasps, horrified, at the terrible thing she's done]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': Yeah, it sucks being deceived like that, but at least it was all for a good cause. :'''Goemon''': Yes, well, perhaps that is true, but still, the act of betrayal by Fujiko was unforgivable and merits the very harshest punishment. :'''Jigen''': Here, here! :'''Fujiko''': Lupin, I think he really means it! :'''Lupin''': She's sorry! Really! She's learned her lesson this time, haven't you, Fujicakes? :''[Fujiko starts hiccuping, then flaps her arms uncontrollably. The potion has given her an unbelievably high amount of energy, like a caffeine buzz]'' :'''Lupin''': Uh... :'''Jigen''': It's not real harsh, maybe, but it sure as hell's funny. ---- :''[Lupin is in his hotel room, sleeping peacefully. Fujiko pounds on his door]'' :'''Fujiko''': ''[from outside]'' Lupin! Come on! I still can't sleep! Hey, come on! Wake up! Hey, Lupin! I'm bored! :''[Lupin sits up in bed]'' :'''Lupin''': Aw man, when the hell's this potion ever gonna wear off? :'''Fujiko''': I know you're in there! Let me in! Let's go dancing! :'''Lupin''' ''[burying his head back under the covers]'' I'm too tired to appreciate the irony. :'''Fujiko''': Come on, Lupin! ==== Episode 42, Lupin becomes a Bride ==== :'''Fujiko''': I never thought of you as the golddigger type, but it suits you somehow. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Looks like it's just you and me. ''[Lupin jumps over the railing, does a somersault in the air and grabs the hook to swing to the other side of the hull]'' LUPIIIIN! Damn it all, get back here! You're under arrest! ---- :'''Onabes''': Alright, I warned you, Mr. Zenigata. Now I'm afraid I'm going to have to insist that you leave the ship. :'''Zenigata''': ''[as he is dragged away by security]'' No! Mr. Onabes! Please! Hey! I can explain! This is all her fault! I mean, his fault! You see, she's... ---- :'''Onabes''': Amore! :'''Lupin''': What does that mean? :'''Onabes''': It means: "I want you, I must have you! Let me take you and start a family!" :''[He tackles the flabbergasted Lupin]'' :'''Onabes''': I absolutely refuse to let you up, Miss Mary, unless you promise to marry me! :'''Lupin''': WHAT? That's impossible! :''[Onabes forcefully kisses Lupin]'' :'''Lupin''': Damn it! :''[He slaps Onabes, then flips him over in a judo grip]'' :'''Lupin''': Just snap out of it! :'''Onabes''': Oh yes, flip me like a hamburger, baby! :''[Lupin covers his mouth and flees]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': I'm not even a friggin' woman! :'''Onabes''': Oh well, nobody's perfect. :''[Realizing he can't win, Lupin jumps down from the mast and lands on the deck. His makeup is now a mess]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[frazzled]'' All right! You win! I give up! But premarital sex is out of the question! ---- :'''Jigen''': He's a guy, Lupin, and you're a guy! And if you were that kind of guy, well, you could have friggin' told somebody! ==== Episode 43, Where Are the Peking Man's Bones ==== ==== Episode 44, The Vanishing Special Armored Car ==== :'''Lupin''': ''[as Zenigata]'' I do admit to sort of a perverse admiration. :'''Zenigata''': Admiration, my ass! Why don't you just admit it?! You ''ARE'' in love with the guy! And you always have been, haven't you? You big egomaniac! ---- :'''Jigen''': Friggin' birds can't get close to that thing, and I don't think I can pull off the backless look, either. I mean, not that it doesn't look absolutely stunning on you or anything, but it does take a certain androgynous quality, you know? :'''Lupin''': I swear, I'll beat you with your own hat. ''[Jigen laughs]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': Man, sure could have used Goemon's Zantetsu sword this time, huh? :''[Jigen sees a figure sitting on a crate]'' :'''Jigen''': Hmm? :'''Lupin''': I said, Goemon's sword would have come in handy! :''[Jigen recognizes the figure as Zenigata]'' :'''Jigen''': Huh? :'''Lupin''': I know, it's a bummer, but it's no use crying over spilled milk. We just gotta... :'''Jigen''': Lupin! You'd better get up here! ---- :'''Zenigata''': What's the matter, Lupin? Don't tell me I've stumped ya! I don't think I can take the shock! ''[He laughs, then starts suffocating]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': Yeah, that man's the last of a dying breed, Jigen. :'''Jigen''': You can say that again. :'''Lupin''': Kind of like u... ah... ah, ah, ah... ''[He sneezes]'' :'''Jigen''': Serves you right. I mean, uh, didn't your mama ever tell you not to go out without your pants on? :''[Lupin sees he's only wearing his boxers]'' :'''Lupin''': Oh, man. :''[They laugh]'' ==== Episode 48, Lupin Laughs while the Alarm Bell Rings ==== :''[Zenigata is woken by the telephone and answers it]'' :'''Zenigata''': Zenigata. :'''Lupin''': Hey, man. How's it hanging? :'''Zenigata''': I was just... :'''Lupin''': I refer to that big wad of drool hanging from your chin, you slacker. Then again, in your dreams is the only place you'll ever catch me. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[sneezing]'' You know, I think the whole thing went pretty well. :'''Jigen''': ''[sneezing]'' And that was really the best plan you could think of? :'''Lupin''': Gotta keep your eye on the prize. After all, the whole idea was to divert his attention. Remember that. And that's what counts. :'''Goemon''': Because now, Zenigata's gonna be practically living on that boat until they recover our bodies. :'''Lupin''': Exactly. ''[He sneezes again]'' ---- :''[One of the money bags gets stuck in a pulley]'' :'''Jigen''': Son of a bitch. Wouldn't you know it? Last one? :'''Lupin''': Stay cool, man. We'll get it. Easy does it now. :''[As they try to get the back through, one of the suction cups on the ceiling comes loose]'' :'''Jigen''': Damn piece of crap. :''[The suction cup unsticks, but Lupin and Jigen pull on the rope before the bag hits the floor. They sigh with relief]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[fearing the worst about Lupin]'' Good heavens, what have I done? ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[previewing the next episode]'' Next time I fall in love with Jackie O. Or maybe not. I don't know. My head hurts. It kind of looks like her and sure looks like love. Walking in the rain, putting on a little show for perverts with binoculars. Oh, he's not? He's trying to kill me? Actually, you know, that kind of adds a touch of kink. Anyway, catch you later in ''Snake Charmer''. ==== Episode 50, Lupin Whom I Loved, Part 1 ==== :'''Cornelia''': The constellations of the winter sky are dominated by the brilliant and dynamic figure of Orion. Legend has it, he was a powerfully built young huntsman of exceptional skill, whose love for the daughter of the treacherous king nearly spelled his doom. :''[As the audience the planetarium in rapt attention, Lupin sits in his seat, bored out of his mind and nearly falling asleep. He yawns]'' :'''Lupin''': If only Fujiko were here. This would be a very romantic date, but... Oh, well. It oughta begin in a minute. ---- :'''Jigen''': So, did you have the beef or the fish? That's what you get for being the inside man. ---- :''[Fujiko sees a flame beside her as she's driving and tries to light her cigarette with it]'' :'''Fujiko''': Thanks. :''[She turns around and sees that it was a zombie who lit the flame]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': Our hearts were beating like crazy. :'''Jigen''': This before or after you left the cell? :'''Lupin''': Just let me finish, willya? ---- :'''Lupin''': I don't know which is worse, that she's alive and doesn't remember me, or that she's here. ---- :''[Japanese original; Jigen gives up fighting the zombies and makes a run for it]'' :'''Goemon''': Jigen, where are you going? :'''Jigen''': Don't make me say what would hurt my pride! :'''Goemon''': Are we running away? :'''Jigen''': What choice have we got? ---- :''[English dub]'' :'''Goemon''': Jigen, wait! Where are you going? :'''Jigen''': I have absolutely no friggin' idea! :'''Goemon''': You mind if I come along? ==== Episode 53, The Mad Fantoma Mark III ==== :''[Lupin and Jigen stand face to face in their living rooms, hands at the ready]'' :'''Lupin''': So, this is it, huh? It's come to this. :'''Jigen''': Yep. 'Fraid so, Lupin. :'''Lupin''': Think you can take me on? :'''Jigen''': You said it yourself a million times, Lupin. I'm the quickest draw on the planet. :'''Lupin''': Next to me, that is. :'''Jigen''': Oh, man, this will be sweet. :''[Goemon gives the signal, and the two draw their remote controls. The TV switches back and forth between footage of a soap opera and what looks like Django]'' :'''Goemon''': I think we really need to get a second TV. :'''Lupin''': Hey, I've never missed a single episode of ''Housewives Theater'' in fifteen years and I'm not starting now. :'''Jigen''': That's too damn bad, pal. There's a first time for everything. Anyway, it's Spaghetti Western Sunday on Channel 5. :''[Lupin and Jigen continue switching between channels]'' :'''Jigen''': Dang! :'''Lupin''': No, no, there it is! :'''Jigen''': We're watching this! :'''Lupin''': Hey! No! :'''Jigen''': Would you come on? :'''Lupin''': There! :'''Jigen''': What are you...? :''[The TV goes to static]'' :'''Lupin''': No! :'''Jigen''': What the...? Oh, that's just great. :'''Lupin''': Stop it! Wonderful. Now look what you've done. :'''Jigen''': Yeah? You started it. ==== Episode 54, Detective Hanshichi's Ten-Year-Old Promise==== :'''Chief''': ''[as Zenigata bites sheepishly into his hat]'' Well, Zenigata. Look what happened. We did as you said, left with Hanshichi, and you, and the whole damn thing blew up in our faces. Now, what would you do if you were in my position, Inspector? ---- :'''Lupin''': Damn, he snookered us, the old fart! ==== Episode 57, Will It Be the Computer or Lupin? ==== :'''Zenigata''': Good gravy, this place sure goes on and on. ==== Episode 58, The Border is the Face of Farewell ==== :'''Zenigata''': ''[with a tear in his eye]'' These Russkies aren't very friendly, are they? ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[previewing the next episode]'' This next one's just too weird for words. It's sort of 'Twilight Zone' meets 'House of Wax' meets an exhausted writing staff under deadline pressure. ==== Episode 59, The Mysterious World of Madame X ==== :'''Zenigata''': ''[covered in glue]'' Mother said there would be days like this. Just not this many. Good thing I'm so undauntable, 'cause this kind of thing could really drive you crazy! ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[rubbing his eye]'' Man, I'm beat. ---- :'''Jigen''': Something's not right. :'''Goemon''': It just isn't like him. :'''Jigen''': I know. It's been two days now without even a word, and usually the problem is you can't shut him up. ---- :'''Lupin''': That crazy lady's gonna turn us all into wax figures. Even Fujiko. They got her upstairs, locked up. :''[His eyes fill with tears]'' :'''Jigen''': Hey, don't! Come on! Get a hold of yourself. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Bet you haven't even tried the most obvious thing. :''[He reaches for the doorknob]'' :'''Lupin''': No! Hold it, Pops! Wait! :''[Zenigata turns the doorknob and starts to sink into the floor]'' :'''Zenigata''': Help me! Please! :'''Jigen''': What the hell's going on here, Lupin? :'''Lupin''': Unfortunately, this kind of thing happens all the time around here. She's like some kind of evil witch. :'''Jigen''': ''[lifting Zenigata out]'' That's just great. Either of you guys wanna lend a hand? ---- :'''Lupin''': Uh, Goemon? :'''Goemon''': You need to remain calm. :'''Zenigata''': All right, you guys calm down. ''I'll'' freak out! :''[He runs away]'' ====Episode 61, The Flying Zantetsuken==== :'''Lupin''': ''[tipsy on bourbon]'' Come on, you knew we were drunks when you married us! :'''Jigen''': ''[also happily wasted on the bourbon]'' You know the truly great part? I don't care if I ever get better! :'''Fujiko''': ''[smiling craftily]'' Don't you tempt fate. It can be cruel. ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[answering the phone]'' Good morning. Zenigata speaking. ''WHAT?! IN A HOTEL IN BROAD DAYLIGHT?! WHO THE HELL IS THIS?!'' :'''Lupin''': ''[disguising his voice with an accent]'' The point is, he's here now. Aloha. ---- :''[Goemon tries to hang and shoot himself at the same time]'' :'''Lupin''': No, Goemon, stop! :'''Jigen''': Take it easy, man. :'''Goemon''': She may have put the sleeping pills in the drink, but it was I who kept asking for more. And now the sword, my very soul as a samurai, is gone! :'''Lupin''': I egged... you on! :'''Goemon''': It doesn't matter! The responsibility is solely my own! Don't force me to live in shame, Lupin! That's worse than death to me! ''[He sobs]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[while visiting Goemon in jail]'' Goemon, I don't know what's bugging you, but you haven't eaten for a week and that's not good for ya. I went to a lot of trouble to get that Japanese food brought in here. Please! Tell me you're not trying to starve yourself. That would be really bad for your health and my conscience. ---- :'''Lupin''': Hey, uh, Goemon? You know, technically, boneheaded stunts don't count as harakiri. ====Episode 62, The Sound of the Devil's Bells Call Lupin==== :''[Zenigata sees Lupin exit carrying a bunch of weapons]'' :'''Zenigata''': Uh, listen. Uh, you'd better come along with me right now. :'''Lupin''': Pops, I can't play right now. Sorry. Gotta go. Take care. :'''Zenigata''': Wait! Lupin! Hey! :''[Lupin springs into his Mercedes]'' :'''Zenigata''': Not so fast, wise guy! ''[He launches himself at the car and throws his handcuffs forward. As Lupin drives off, Zenigata finds that he's handcuffed several sticks of lit dynamite. He realizes what it is and runs off]'' Help! Somebody help! :''[The dynamite explodes as Lupin drives off down the road]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': So that's it, Gemarschaft. Looks just like any other peaceful, boring village. ''[He drives further into the seemingly empty village, gets out and looks around]'' Hmm, did I say peaceful? More like comatose. ---- :'''Lupin''': I gotta admit, I did have an unusually peaceful sleep last night. ''[He pulls out a pair of earplugs]'' Modern technology's really a wonderful thing. ---- :''[Sister Lavinia seemingly shoots Lupin's head off, and to her surprise he starts running off without it]'' :'''Lupin''': Sorry, sister. Didn't mean to lose my head. Toodles! ---- :''[Lupin blasts the bubble with a couple of missiles from his Mercedes]'' :'''Lupin''': And that is that. ''[To his astonishment, the bubble reforms]'' Aw, man. That may not be that. ---- :'''Lupin''': Okay, pal. Catch me if you can. ''[The bubble emerges underwater]'' Damn! I didn't mean it! ---- :'''Lavinia''': So, Lupin, do you see now that it's futile to try to escape from here? :''[Lupin stands up in a daze and knocks on his head several times]'' :'''Lavinia''': Last chance, now. Would you care to accept our invitation and join our brotherhood? :''[Lupin scowls defiantly]'' :'''Lupin''': You heard me, sister. No-one's gonna tell me how to live my life. ---- :'''Jigen''': Why do I feel like I just had a real bad dream? :'''Lupin''': Hey, Jigen, I was living in your bad dream. ====Episode 65, Lupin's Enemy is Lupin==== :'''Lupin''': Anyway, we'll find out as soon as we break in there. :'''Jigen''': [sarcastically] Oh, yeah. Great plan. We break into the place. Don't know why I didn't think of that. :'''Lupin''': This from a man who just came from dining on curry fit only for the immortals. We're blessed. It'll be a piece of cake. :''[Jigen laughs]'' ---- :'''Jigen''': What the...? Where did my hand go? :'''Lupin''': [panicked] Your hand?! :''[Jigen's hand emerges from its sleeve]'' :'''Jigen''': [relieved] Had me worried there. :'''Lupin''': ''[angrily punching Jigen in the stomach]'' Jigen, don't you ever do that to me again! :'''Jigen''': Sorry, man. ---- :'''Mr. X''': Damn it! How did you know I wasn't the real Lupin? :'''Jigen''': 'Cause the real Lupin would never say something all sappy and noble like "Kill me if you're my friend." He'd be squealing for his life like a little girl. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[imitating Mr. X]'' And our long story comes to a happy ending! ''[He cackles]'' :'''Jigen''': ''[drawing his gun, thinking Mr. X tricked him into killing Lupin]'' Bastard! :'''Lupin''': Kidding! Kidding! Just messin' with ya! ====Episode 66, Shooting Orders!==== :'''Jigen''': Speaking of accuracy, I noticed something about that gun that Beauty was waving around yesterday. It's got a venturi built on it, and that's used for cooling the barrel so that the heat won't affect your aim. It's state of the art. Your Walther P-38 was originally manufactured all the way back in the 1930s. All I'm saying is, Beauty's got a .44 Colt A. Python that was made only a few years ago, and that's the difference. You do the math, Lupin. ---- :'''Lupin''': The sun, it's setting. ''[He coughs]'' Seems kind of early for it. But I guess it's... ''[He coughs again]'' ... Just my time. ''[He faints]'' :'''Fujiko''': ''[thinking he died]'' No, it isn't, Lupin! It's not your time yet! ---- :'''Lupin''': Listen to you guys! Bitch, bitch, bitch! Look at me! What the hell's going on? I'm fine, so what's with the funeral? Well?! ---- :'''Jigen''': Was it, uh, supposed to work like that? :'''Lupin''': I'm not a chemist or anything, you know, but I think I might've added a little too much explosive. Probably shouldn't do that kind of thing when you're in a bad mood. ====Episode 69, The Woman the Old Man Fell in Love With==== :'''Zenigata''': Some billionaire bites the big one, so what? Would he care if ''I'' died? ---- :'''Lupin''': Hey, guys. Shouldn't we be out stealing something, or running for our lives, or, uh... I dunno, something? I feel like I'm in a rest home here. ---- :'''Lupin''': Whoa! Get a load of this! It's Pops, and he's being chased by somebody. And there's a girl with him, and she's hot! What the hell is wrong with this picture? :'''Jigen''': Well, if you're right, it's the end of the friggin' world! ---- :'''Zenigata''': I'm prepared to beg if I have to! You gotta help Laura! She's caught in a jam! My pride doesn't matter to me, only Laura's safety! ---- :''[Japanese original]'' :'''Lupin''': By the way, Pops, how come you're going out of your way like this for her? :'''Zenigata''': Well, it's because... :'''Lupin''': You're in love with her, aren't you? :'''Zenigata''': ''[blushing furiously]'' D-d-don't be ridiculous! I'm a public servant! :''[He gives Lupin a playful shove. Lupin points to Laura]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[grinning mischievously at Zenigata]'' There she is! :'''Zenigata''': ''[bashfully covering his face with his hat]'' Oh, come on, Lupin! ---- :'''Fujiko''': Lying on that alleviates your stomach thing? :'''Cabane''': I didn't get to where I am today by taking a lot of stuff for granted. Get what I mean? I ain't movin' until I unlock this! :'''Fujiko''': What a big pain in the butt. :'''Cabane''': Hey! Speak up, I can't hear you! :'''Fujiko''': Oh! Uh, never mind. Just some girl stuff, is all. :''[The camera pans down to reveal that "Fujiko" has hairier legs than usual]'' ---- :'''Jigen''': Pops. I... We tried. I'm sorry. Anyway, Lupin's alive. Look, if you wanna get those bastards, hop in. ''[Zenigata gets in, and glances for a moment at Fujiko, who is bound and gagged in the back seat]'' If you're a little surprised to see Fujiko here, we'll fill you in. ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[over the tape]'' Never, Laura. :'''Laura''': ''[over the tape]'' Oh, I love to hear you say my name. Say it again. :''[From out of the corner of his eye, Lupin notices Cabane's men howling and whooping at him]'' :'''Cabane''': Shaddap! :''[The men immediately stop and try to look professional]'' ---- :'''Goemon''': I, Goemon Ishikawa, say to you: Ha ha! ====Episode 71, Lupin vs. the Shinsengumi==== :''[Lupin drives past a police car, laughing. The police officer notices him and turns to Zenigata, who is resting in the front passenger seat]'' :'''Police Officer''': The guy in the convertible that just went by seemed kinda strange. :'''Zenigata''': Let him go. I'm not in this one. :''[He gives his colleague a little smile, then yawns]'' :'''Police Officer''': 'Kay. ====Episode 72, The Skateboard Murder Mystery==== :'''Jigen''': You didn't... I mean, you wouldn't...? :'''Lupin''': Aw man, you too? Look, I friggin' saved the guy! :'''Jigen''': Yeah, good luck convincing Boronco's men of that. :'''Lupin''': ''[grumbling]'' D'ah, friggin... d'ahh! ''[He sees the blockade]'' Hey, they've already blocked the street off! Hang on, Jigen! :''[Lupin swerves through the blockade, but one of Boronco's men fires a couple of canisters of knockout gas into the car]'' :'''Lupin''': I always thought I missed my true calling as a stunt driver in action movies, you know? ''[He sees Jigen coughing]'' Huh? :'''Guard''': Well that oughta knock 'em out. :''[Boronco arrives in on his skateboard]'' :'''Bolonco''': How'd everything go, Officer? :'''Guard''': Just like a dream. :''[Boronco goes over to Lupin and Jigen, who are completely knocked out]'' ---- :'''Lupin and Jigen''': ''[playing a clapping game]'' Eighty eight days now in the spring, summer's upon us so everyone sing: Pat a cake, pat a cake, baker's man, bake me a cake as fast as you can! :''[They push the halves of the truck apart and dive out of it]'' ---- :'''Jigen''': Huh. I never heard of a football coming with a timer. ''[He places the football to his ear]'' Hmm... :'''Goemon''': Jigen! They don't! :'''Jigen''': ''[panicked]'' Friggin' hell! That means that this thing... This thing here is a... :''[The football explodes]'' :'''Lupin''': Damn! That's it! That little Boronco brat has picked the wrong playmate this time! :'''Goemon''': If you keep thinking of him as just as a kid, then he's gonna keep on playing with you until he wins! ---- :'''Scientist''': Excuse me, Boronco, but this is the fake sapphire you ordered. :'''Boronco''': There's no way he could have...? ---- :''[thanks to Lupin and Fujiko's squabbling, the group ends up losing the Eye of Solomon]'' :'''Goemon''': I'm reconsidering my membership in this whole enterprise! :'''Jigen''': Can you reconsider mine, too? ---- :'''Zenigata''': Stop! You're under arrest, Lupin! You hear me? Just pull over now... Or not! I gotta admit, I really love the chase. :'''Lupin''': I sure wish ''he'd'' reconsider his role in this whole enterprise. ====Episode 73, Flowers and Storms and a Thieves' Race==== :''[Lupin throws his empty food box out of the car]'' :'''Jigen''': Hey, hey! Set an example, will ya? There's kids watching. :''' Lupin''': What are you saying? I put it in the trash. :''[Lupin's trash is seen carelessly disposed on top of a garbage truck]'' ---- :'''Tokumitsu''': Tokumitsu here, reporting live from the scene of the crispy carnage that earlier today thrilled audiences around the world. And a spellbinding barbecue it was, too. Oh, but don't just take my word for it. We have a badly wounded survivor of the tragedy with us. Perhaps I can get him to talk to us. Pardon the interruption, but on a scale of one to ten, ten being the highest, how much pain are you in? ''[The wounded man gives a dying groan]'' Well, thank you very much, and best of luck from all of us on your imminent death. ---- :'''Jigen''': All this co-piloting's kinda exhausting. Think I'll take me a little nap. You can wake me up when we get to heaven. And if we end up in the other place, just let me sleep. ====Episode 74, The Terrifying Chameleon Man==== :'''Lupin''': ''[about the diamond]'' Now I can't seem to decide if I should let Pops lick this thing or not. :'''Fujiko''': Can we vote on it? ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[playing cards with a dozing Jigen]'' Pathetic. Can't even beat him asleep. :'''Goemon''': ''[waiting for the mysterious lurker to arrive]'' I think we may be waiting for Godot. ---- :'''Lupin''': You know, in all these years, you've never given me a simple goodnight kiss. :'''Fujiko''': Just the cheek. Wouldn't want to arouse you. :'''Lupin''': Any old cheek you want, I've got four! ---- :'''Fujiko''': Buy a Q-tip, will you? That's really gross. Better luck next time. :'''Lupin''': Huh...? Of all the friggin'... ''Earwax?!?'' ''[He sits on his bed, angrily pulls off his shoes and tosses them out the room, inadvertently hitting the two chameleon men]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': It's alright, it's just a party favor. Happy New Year. ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[while watching Zenigata chase after insects]'' Real shame you had to whittle down that diamond. It's three months of bug-eating for him. :'''Goemon''': I don't know. I think he enjoys feeling like a kid again. :''[Lupin walks by covered in yellow flowers, humming to himself]'' :'''Jigen''': Hey, what's with the Woodstock get-up, nature boy? :'''Lupin''': Shh! It's just camouflage. Don't tell her, okay? :''[Lupin lies down on the ground and hides among the flowers, waiting for Fujiko]'' :'''Goemon''': ''[sighing]'' He never ''stopped'' being a kid. ====Episode 75, Fujiko Doesn't Look Good in a Wedding Dress==== :'''Jigen''': You're not acting like a man, you're acting like a little kid who's seen too many cornball chick flicks! ---- :'''Fujiko''': Lupin, it's me. What the hell's going on? Where am I? :'''Lupin''': Finally! Damn, you're a heavy sleeper. What do you mean, where are you? You're in Hafner's mansion. ---- :''[During a gunfight, Jigen gets his hat shot off]'' :'''Jigen''': Damn it! :''[He tries to retrieve it but a hail of bullets keeps him away]'' :'''Goemon''': Sorry, but you're going to have to finish this one without your hat! Now come on! :'''Jigen''': They've got no idea what terrible fury they've just unleashed... ---- :'''Jigen''': Great. Friggin' chlorine's gonna bleach my hat. ---- :'''Fujiko''': I'm still in mourning, you know. And I've got assets to go through. ====Episode 76, Do You Know Shakespeare?==== :'''Jigen''': Yeah, just my luck. Snow in Venice, of all places. I'll bet the sun comes out the minute I drag my sorry ass out of here. :'''Angelica''': Excuse me, are you all right? :'''Jigen''': Yeah, I always talk to myself. ---- :'''Jigen''': Turns out the car was hers. A nice one. A Rolls. I mean, I owe her something for blowing it up. :'''Goemon''': I can't help feeling there's more to the story. :'''Lupin''': ''[grinning mischievously]'' And we got a whole lot of extra time. Come on, Jigen. Cough it up. :'''Jigen''': ''[shyly]'' It's just... Look, I've told you the part I'm okay talking about. ---- :''[Angelica searches the ruins and starts off at a run]'' :'''Jigen''': Hey, Angelica, wait! Where are you going? ''[Angelica sees bodies crushed beneath the rubble]'' :'''Angelica''': Oh, God... It's too horrible! ''[She runs through the ruins]'' :'''Jigen''': ''[deeply concerned and afraid for Angelica's life]'' Wait! There may be unexploded bombs! Angelica, please stay where you are! Angelica, listen to me! It's not safe! ''[Angelica doesn't listen to Jigen and keeps running]'' Hey! Just come back! You'll get hurt! ''[Angelica accidentally steps on a bomb. Jigen runs towards her]'' Angelica! Angelica! Damn it! :''[Angelica opens her eyes]'' :'''Angelica''': Don't swear. :'''Jigen''': Why would someone like you ever become a nun anyway? Gotta help me with that. I mean, as I recall, your family was loaded. You were practically royalty. :'''Angelica''': Well, it's only fair I tell you, since you influenced my decision. But I'm happy, believe me. After you left, I was empty. So I devoted myself to God. Now I'm finally feeling his promise of peace has fulfilled in me. I'm in your arms again. I lived to see the doctor rescued. May you know peace, Jigen, my love. ''[She dies in his arms]'' :'''Jigen''': No! Angelica! :''[He cradles her body, sobbing]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': Sorry, sir, about your game. :'''President''': Bugger off. :''[the President and his assistant enter the helicopter] :'''Zenigata''': ''[confused]'' Uh, you just... ''[They slam the helicopter door]'' You go on ahead, sir. I'll take care of everything. ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[at Angelica's grave]'' All my skills, and I couldn't save ya. I'll have to live with that, but I doubt I'll come to any kinda peace with it. Pray for me. ====Episode 78, Diamonds Gleaming in the Robot's Eye==== :'''Lupin''': ''[drowsily answering the phone]'' The number you've dialed is no longer in service. Check your telephone directory or the information operator for the correct number and go to hell. ''[He hangs up, but the phone rings again and falls off the dresser. Lupin slithers out of bed and lies half out of it with his mouth near the reciever]'' You've reached Lupin's mouth. His brain is still asleep. Oh, then you prefer to speak to somebody else? Okay. ''JIGEN!! PHONE!! IT'S FOR YOU!!!'' ---- :''[Lupin, Jigen and Goemon carry the robot up the stairs]'' :'''Jigen''': I don't get it. None of Gavott's people seem to be anywhere around the place. :'''Lupin''': Got a problem with that? ---- :'''Lupin''': I mean, even if a thing like this worked, what would anyone use it for? You wouldn't happen to have a giant paperclip on you, would you? ''[He tests it]'' Not much of a super electro-magnet. ---- :'''Jigen''': Huh. "Dr. Pot's Patented Automatic Nose Blower. To activate, just hold in front of face." ''[A tiny hand comes up out of the box]'' Hey, get a load of this. It's cute. ''[The hand picks up a tissue and pinches Jigen hard on the nose]'' Oww! Ahh! Gahh! Damn it! ''[He pulls the box to try and get the thing off]'' ---- :'''Baby''': And just 'cause Gavotte let the doctor go doesn't mean he isn't gonna rub you guys out. ''[to Jigen]'' And you, I'm gonna pluck that beard off your face myself before he kills ya! ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[about the dismantled robot]'' Well, why don't we get to work on old Humpty Dumpty? :'''Fujiko''': That doesn't sound good. All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty together again. :'''Lupin''': Don't worry. I've done this twice before. :'''Goemon''': You've assembled a robot? :'''Lupin''': Nah. A ship and a tank. :'''Fujiko''': A ship and a tank? :'''Goemon''': That's really quite impressive. :'''Lupin''': Yeah, used to spend all my allowance on those hobby kits of model ships and tanks. :'''Goemon''': Huh? :'''Fujiko''': You mean you've been talking about ''model'' airplanes and toys? :'''Lupin''': ''[after completing the robot]'' Sure. Keeps a young man's hands out of trouble. ====Episode 79, Funeral March for Lupin==== :'''Jigen''': ''[hearing that the concert will have a jeweled baton]'' You know, Lupin, I don't know if I've told you, but I've been a big classical music fan ever since I was a kid. :'''Lupin''': What? You've always been a ballads kind of guy. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[nervously twiddling his thumbs]'' I never told you about this, Fujicakes, but I very nearly took up the bassoon. :''[Fujiko blows smoke in his face]'' :'''Fujiko''': And I very nearly took up with a baboon. :''[She throws her cigarette holder into Lupin's mouth]'' :'''Lupin''': Very funny. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[to Jigen, who is snoring in the seat next to him]'' Didn't you mention you were a fan of all this classical crap? :''[Jigen nods sleepily. Lupin yawns and dozes off as well]'' :'''Fujiko''': ''[to Goemon]'' But they could stay up all night for some kung-fu epic. ---- :'''Lupin''': Looks like Pops is getting serious. :'''Jigen''': Better hope so, 'cause if that ain't serious, I don't know what serious is. ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[after his hypnosis is over]'' Huh? Why the hell'd I pull this out? ---- :''[Goemon notices the couch he damaged while under hypnosis]'' :'''Goemon''': What in the world did I just do? :'''Jigen''': Nothing, just tried to Cuisinart us to death, pally! ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[about Kyoransky]'' Does he replace all those chandeliers every time he kills somebody? ---- :'''Fujiko''': ''[finding that Lupin had secretly removed her underwear]'' Stupid adolescent... ---- :''[Lupin is about to explain his plan to defeat Kyoransky]'' :'''Lupin''': Anyway, take a look at this. :''[He pulls out a ladle]'' :'''Jigen''': Okay, I don't understand. :'''Goemon''': It's a straining ladle for cooking. :'''Jigen''': I know that, but what are you gonna do? Challenge Kyoransky to a bake off? ---- :'''Zenigata''': Lupin, the masquerade's over! Take off the disguise! :'''Lupin''': Thanks a lot! This wig itches. ---- :'''Jigen''': That's a wrap. ---- :'''Kyoransky''': My father was Momanitt Mulchy. When he was alive, he was a master jeweler. But you killed him in cold blood. :'''Lupin''': I only kill in self-defense, which means I don't regret it. ---- :'''Lupin''': You see, I figured out how it is you managed to control with that glittering baton of yours. It emits a high-pitched sound, like a dog whistle. But, you see, the thing is, yours only produces a single tone, whereas mine, on the other hand, has, um... One, two, three... Boy, there's a lot. ---- :'''Zenigata''': You wanna fill me in on what just happened here? ====Episode 80, The Last Meal is a Cup Ramen==== :'''Goemon''': How come grifters never think they'll get grifted? ---- :'''Lupin''': Who put all this pepper in here? ---- :'''Warden''': After him! Lupin has escaped! Don't let him get away! :'''Zenigata''': ''[gleefully sarcastic]'' Yes, what a shame! Lupin has escaped! ====Episode 82, The Rescue Pops Operation==== :'''Zenigata''': Damn it, Lupin! I'm going to get killed because of you. I'm totally going to haunt you. :''[Lupin turns on a transmission]'' :'''Lupin''': I don't mind being haunted by a cute girl. Not sure about you, Pops. And I really feel for you guys, having to take care of a klutz like Pops! ---- :'''Zenigata''': Lupin! Do you want to make a fool out of me, Zenigata? I absolutely refuse to be exchanged as a hostage by the likes of you! :''[He kicks stuff around like an angry toddler. He finds a stick of dynamite that rolled out, then picks it up with his teeth and throws it into the fireplace. The terrorists panic and run for cover. Zenigata stands in the middle of the room, eyes shut tight, sweating profusely and bracing himself for death. No explosion comes. Zenigata's still alive. He looks behind his shoulder and sees that the dynamite was actually a dud with a microphone hid inside. One of the terrorists faints. The men angrily pile on Zenigata as he sinks, crying, to his knees]'' :'''Zenigata''': Shut up! :''[He kicks them away]'' :'''Zenigata''': I'm such a failure, I can't even die properly! :''[He cries and kicks his feet pathetically]'' ---- :'''Napoleon''': The reason why I decided to conquer the world was that it was too noisy for me to sleep in. ''[The gang looks at him, shocked]'' Quite ironic that I found the ideal place in that underground prison. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[tapping the face of Napoleon, who is disguised as him]'' Wow, what a heavy sleeper. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[disguised as Napoleon]'' Inspector Zenigata, why don't we make a deal? I hate Lupin for putting me through this. How would you like to capture him yourself? :'''Zenigata''': I'll take you up on that offer! :''[He rams into Lupin and shoves him into a bush]'' ---- :''[Zenigata sees the helicopter exploding in the distance, as Lupin, who is disguised as Napoleon, stands next to him]'' :'''Zenigata''': L... Lupin... :'''Lupin''': What's the matter? Aren't you pleased? :'''Zenigata''': ''[sniffling]'' I'm sad because a good man has died. :'''Lupin''': A good man? :''[Another explosion occurs. Zenigata breaks into a run]'' :'''Zenigata''': Lupin, if you're alive, let's fight again. :''[The smoke from the wreckage billows out. Zenigata stops suddenly. Lupin runs up beside him. As the musical cue 'Zenigata March' plays in the background, Zenigata stares in disbelief. He starts to cry and sinks to his knees]'' :'''Zenigata''': L... Lupin... We were on different sides of the law, but I liked you. :''[He collapses and beats the ground, sobbing. Lupin smiles warmly]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[in thought]'' I like you, too. ---- :'''Jigen''': Love isn't allowed in a man's world. :'''Lupin''': Come on, Jigen, don't be so mean. ====Episode 84, Leave Revenge to Lupin==== :'''Jigen''': ''[answering the phone]'' Huh? :'''Joe of Spade''': Jigen! I'm being chased! Help me! This is Joe! :'''Jigen''': Joe? What's the matter? Where are you? :'''Joe of Spade''': I'm in Maria's restaurant. :''[Joe's two pursuers kick the door open. Joe draws but isn't able to fire. He backs away in terror]'' :'''Jigen''': ''[over the phone]'' Joe, answer me! What's the matter with you, Joe? :'''Male voice''': [over the phone] Go to hell, you idiot! :''[From over the phone comes the sound of gunfire]'' :'''Jigen''': JOE! :''[Jigen's panicked cries wake Lupin, who sleepily shuffles out of his room, clutching a pillow. The international thief and criminal looks profoundly innocent standing in the doorway like this]'' :'''Lupin''': Jigen, what's going on? :'''Jigen''': It's bad. My mentor's going to get bumped off. :'''Lupin''': ''[half-asleep]'' Huh...? :'''Jigen''': He's a man named Joe of Spade... Lupin, will you go to Marseille with me? :''[Lupin responds with a loud yawn]'' :'''Lupin''': It's the middle of the night... :''[Jigen carries Lupin over his shoulder into the Mercedes and drives into the night with him in the front passenger seat]'' ---- :'''Chief''': Lupin III is a thief who was born in France. He has a clear head, and he's the grandson of Arsene Lupin. He's bound to be patriotic. :'''Zenigata''': Yes, he may be, slightly... ---- :''[Lupin appears in Joe's teleporter. His hair crackles with static and he wears a dazed expression]'' :'''Joe''': Lupin! What are you doing here? :''[He curiously walks over to Lupin to closely inspect him. The young man rolls out, curled up in a tight ball, in the middle of the room. Slowly, he unfolds his legs, then his arms, rolling onto his back, and then a sitting position. He sets his head straight, then pinches his cheek, then his nose, then his ears, then feels his eyes, his head and chin, squishes his cheeks, feels his mouth, and finally slaps his face before shaking his head. He sits, still in a daze, and blinks. He looks around]'' :'''Lupin''': Oh, Joe! That means the electric waves have successfully transmitted me! ==== Episode 87, When the Devil Beckons to Lupin ==== :''[The gang finds Lupin lying asleep in the middle of the road]'' :'''Fujiko''': ''[cradling him]'' Lupin! Hang on! :'''Goemon''': There's only one way to wake up from hypnosis. ''[He kicks Lupin squarely in the behind]'' ---- :'''Peter''': Have you even met the Gestapo? They're devils. They're barely even human! :'''Lupin''': ''[jokingly]'' I thought ''you'' were the devil. :'''Peter''': Shut up! Give me the diamond! ---- :'''Lupin''': Stop it, Peter! :'''Peter''': Welcome, Lupin. I'll kill you along with the rest. :''[He gets out a lighter. Lupin pulls out the Dragon's Tear]'' :'''Lupin''': So you don't want the Dragon's Tear? :'''Peter''': I have no need for that. From the beginning, all I wanted was to kill every one of those bastard Nazis. :'''Lupin''': ''[drawing his Walther]'' I can't let you do that! :''[They pause for a long time. Peter nears the lighter close to the fuse. Lupin shoots it away, then shoots one of the ropes. One of the stakes goes flying and impales Peter. The horrific sight causes Lupin to avert his eyes. The balloon floats away with Peter still impaled on the stake. Lupin and his gang sadly watch the balloon]'' ==== Episode 89, Play the Thieves' Symphony==== :''[Fujiko has seen Lupin dozing in his seat while listening to Beethoven's Eroica]'' :'''Fujiko''': Lupin, since when were you a fan of classical music? :'''Lupin''': Well, ''Eroica'' is a good lullaby, you know? ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[muted]'' Goemon, what's going on? :'''Goemon''': ''[muted]'' I don't know, but there are fleas around. I feel itchy. ---- :'''Lupin''': It's a silencer that silences all sound! Now we're almost in the nuclear safe. :'''Jigen''': Anyway, you can take a bath now. ---- :'''Jigen''': Hey, why don't you go out for a walk? Huh? ''[Lupin ignores him]'' I guess not. ---- :'''Jigen''': No matter what kind of art it may be, I don't appreciate it. ---- :'''Lupin''': Pops? :'''Zenigata''': Don't call me "Pops". I'm not your relative, Lupin. ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[mouth full of balloon]'' Wawawd! I wiw wewwewew wis. ---- :'''Lupin''': Music isn't all about ballads. ==== Episode 97, Find the Treasure of Lupin the First ==== :''[While Lupin is kissing Fujiko, he swallows something]'' :'''Lupin''': Did you just feed me something? :'''Fujiko''': ''[coyly]'' You're right. :'''Lupin''': ''[giggling]'' I get it. You wanna go all night, right? :'''Fujiko''': It's the opposite. :'''Lupin''': The opposite? :'''Fujiko''': It'll make you sleep like a log. :'''Lupin''': Sleep like a... :''[He tumbles out of the bed and passes out]'' ---- :''[Lupin, Jigen and Goemon are handcuffed to a tree branch by Zenigata]'' :'''Lupin''': Hey, Zenigata, what are you going to do with us? :'''Zenigata''': I'm not going to do anything. :'''Lupin''': You're not going to do anything? What do you mean? Why won't you arrest us? :'''Zenigata''': According to the findings from the ICPO investigation, three men suspected as killers are riding the airship Paradise, which is on a goodwill mission. One of the men is from America, one is from Britain and the third is from the USSR. And the target seems to be you, Lupin the Third. :'''Lupin''': Thanks for the information. But Pops, why are you going out of your way to help us? :''[Zenigata says nothing, but turns and silently walks away. He stops suddenly]'' :'''Zenigata''': I heard they have strange killing techniques. Be careful. :'''Lupin''': Now I understand why you showed us your capture technique. :'''Zenigata''': ''[suddenly acting like a tsundere]'' You idiot! What kind of policeman would do such a thing?... Good luck anyway. :'''Jigen and Goemon''': Good luck? :'''Lupin''': ''[smiling warmly]'' He's too nice to be a policeman. ---- :''[Lupin watches a walking doll grow into a giant]'' :'''Lupin''': It's so big! Call it off! ''[He flees through the doorway]'' Stop, stop, stop! ''[The doll crashes through, breaking down the wall]'' Big ladies aren't my type! No means no! ''[He's backed against another wall. The doll tries to make a grab for him]'' This is the opposite of stopping! We're not a good match! We'd stand out! ''[The doll slips and falls on top of him]'' Help! I can't breathe! Come on, help me out of here! :'''Rasputan''': This is the special dummy I had prepared for you. :''[The doll shrinks back to its normal size]'' :'''Lupin''': That was bad. :''[He watches the doll walking as Rasputan laughs]'' :''' ==== Episode 98, The Day the Old Man Died ==== :'''Lupin''': Sure would be nice, going up to Heaven with Pops, hand in hand. ---- :''[Zenigata wakes up underwater and surfaces in the Seine]'' :'''Lupin''': Good grief! Pops is alive! :'''Zenigata''': Lupin! You're under arrest! :'''Lupin''': What's going on here? :'''Jigen''': No idea. :'''Goemon''': ''[hearing Truffaut's men]'' They're coming. :''[The gang jumps into the river. Lupin knocks Zenigata out with a stick as he does so]'' :'''Lupin''': You play dead now, Pops. ---- :'''Goemon''': ''[to Truffaut]'' I feel sorry for the officer you killed. His parents are still alive. :'''Zenigata''': ''[in tears]'' He was my shooting teacher at ICPO! A very kind officer! That's why he used the tranquilizer bullet on me. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Lupin... Thank you. ==== Episode 104, The Most Dangerous Golden Bed ==== :'''Butler''': May I ask who this is? :'''Zenigata''': I'm the man on this card. :''[He presents his business card, which has the name "Kouichi Zenigata" written on it]'' :'''Zenigata''': I'm Inspector Zenigata from Japan! :''[He dutifully salutes]'' :'''Morgan''': I didn't ask the Japanese police to assist me. ==== Episode 106, You're a Cat, I'm a Dried Tuna ==== :'''Vivian''': ''[to the camera]'' Oh, I shouldn't have lied. :'''Zenigata''': What were you saying just now? :'''Vivian''': Uh, nothing... ---- :'''Lupin''': Why would I steal a pencil-eating cat? ---- :'''Lupin''': My life needs excitement, not cuteness. ---- :'''Goemon''': It's just a kids' newspaper. ---- :''[Jigen whittles at a pencil, meowing]'' :'''Jigen''': Meow, I said! ''[He puts the shavings underneath a basket as a trap]'' Can I really catch it this way? ''[He goes to hide behind a chimney and waits. Some time later, Jigen dozes off]'' ---- :'''Bucky''': A famous person wasting time for a lost cat must be very rich. ---- :'''Goemon''': I can't do something this silly anymore. :'''Fujiko''': Me neither. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[putting the cat in a letterbox]'' Post! ''[The young man hides in an alleyway as Bucky, Butcher and Vivian run past. A mailman drives by Lupin on a motorcycle and hands him a package. He opens it and the cat emerges. It jumps onto his shoulder affectionately]'' Why me? ---- :'''Lupin''': Stop the noise! ''[He makes faces at the cat, like a parent would to a baby]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': You're a strange cat. How is this tasty? ''[He tries one of the "pencil shavings" and finds it to have a familiar taste. He inspects the shavings closer]'' This is dried tuna. ---- :'''Lupin''': Go on! Go away. Shoo, shoo! Shoo! Shoo! Go on. You rascal. ''[The cat, in its unconditional love for Lupin, starts to walk away, but decides it will refuse to leave him and walks back towards him]'' I'm a dog. ''[The cat, who doesn't speak or understand human and finds Lupin entertaining, meows with delight and jumps onto his leg]'' Oh, good grief. ---- :'''Zenigata''': I don't care about the cat. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Alright, let's retreat. :'''Vivian''': This is... Mr. Dorogata, that's my cat! Please, search harder! :'''Zenigata''': The name's ''Zeni''gata. ==== Episode 110, Hot Shot, This Is Fujiko ==== :'''Lupin''': Jigen, I'll take one for you. :'''Jigen''': Maybe it's better if I've had a shower first? :'''Lupin''': It doesn't make a difference anyway. :''[He takes a picture of Jigen. A photo comes out. Lupin looks at it with surprise]'' :'''Jigen''': What? What's on it? :''[He finds to his bewilderment that it's a photo three minutes into the future of him in the shower, completely nude]'' ---- :''[On a nudist beach, Zenigata, in boxers, cringes before a trio of women]'' :'''Woman 1''': Come on and take your clothes off. It's the rules here. :'''Woman 2''': A person is most beautiful when they're in the nude. :'''Woman 3''': That's right. ''[She pulls on Zenigata's boxers]'' Here, put this on. ==== Episode 112, Goemon's Close Call ==== :'''Lupin''': You went through this for my sake. :'''Goemon''': If I betrayed my comrades, I'd rather die. :'''Lupin''': ''[stroking Goemon's hair]'' You're a fool. A real fool! :''[He hugs Goemon tightly and cries]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[previewing the next episode]'' "My only goal is to arrest Lupin." Bah! And now Old Man Zenigata is playing Chuushingura to arrest me! The next one is "Operation Chuushingura". See ya! ==== Episode 113, The Name of the Operation is Chuushingura ==== :''[Lupin and Jigen are munching away on biscuits at a kabuki play when they notice Goemon clutching his Zantetsuken and crying, enthralled by the play. Lupin, looking displeasedly at Goemon, is about to take another bite of his biscuit when Jigen yanks it away, and Lupin ends up biting his own teeth]'' :'''Lupin''': Ouch! What did you do that for? ''[He reaches for his biscuit again but Jigen slaps his hand away and points at the weeping Goemon. Lupin leaves the theater]'' Just like kids, coming to watch Chuushingura every year. Are the Japanese idiots? ---- :'''Zenigata''': How could they sack you, chief? :'''Chief Asano''': It doesn't matter, Zenigata. I alone doomed myself. As a law keeper, I shouldn't use violence. :''[Zenigata silently bursts into tears]'' :'''Chief Asano''': But if I knew this would happen, I'd have trashed that minister. :'''Zenigata''': I'm sorry. I shouldn't have stopped you. :'''Chief Asano''': Doesn't matter. You must go on. ---- :''[On a boat, Kira complains to a blind drunk Lupin]'' :'''Kira''': I'm very old, of course I'm degenerated. Why must I be treated as the bad guy? :'''Lupin''': Old man, don't cry. Here's another cup. :'''Kira''': Ooishi Kuranosuke, I hate you. :'''Lupin''': Don't look so mean. :'''Kira''': Right. The topic is the treasure. :'''Lupin''': Is there really a treasure? :'''Kira''': Of course there is. I, Kira Kozuenosuke, used my degenerate ways to gather this treasure. :'''Lupin''': If we were meant to meet, I'll investigate it for you. ---- :''[The plane Lupin is flying is low on fuel]'' :'''Lupin''': We're out of gas. :'''Fujiko''': There's a gas station over there. :'''Lupin''': This isn't a car! ---- :'''Kira''': My hands are cold because... I'm a ghost. :''[After a second, Lupin bursts out laughing]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[pounding the table]'' "I'm a ghost"! That's a good one. :''[His friends watch in astonishment as the man literally vanishes into thin air]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[drunk and talking in his sleep]'' Can't take more... ---- :'''Lupin''': Let's see how serious they are. ''[He holds up a white flag. The officer shoots it]'' They're serious. ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[imitating Oishi]'' Comrades of mine, our time has come! :'''Police''': Yes! :''[Zenigata tries to bang the drum but smashes the skin instead]'' :'''Zenigata''': Oops. :'''Officer''': He's taking this act too much to heart. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[in a flirtatious pose]'' Ginger ale later! ==== Episode 121, The Treasure My Grandfather Left Behind ==== :'''Jigen''': Let's save him. ''[He plays the flute]'' :'''Zenigata''': ''[still wrestling with the snake]'' That's the wrong end! :'''Jigen''': My bad. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[dazed]'' Fujiko, what do you conclude from this? :'''Fujiko''': Let's see... Be careful of the floor and the stairs. :'''Lupin''': Oh yeah, that's right. ''[He faints]'' ---- :''[Lupin slips down a flight of stairs]'' :'''Lupin''': This is the last straw! Ain't there an escalator?! ---- :'''Lupin''': What the hell is all this sheep doing here? :'''Gregoire''': Don't be irritated. It's not good for your health. You know, count sheep when you can't fall asleep? I suggest you take a nap till they all leave. :'''Lupin''': Don't talk bullshit. ''[He yells at the sheep]'' Hey, go on! Shoo! Come on! I need that statue! ---- :''[Jigen sees Lupin sitting in the middle of the courtyard. Butterflies circle around his head]'' :'''Jigen''': Lupin! ''[He rushes forward and shakes the dozing Lupin by the head]'' Wake up, Lupin! :'''Lupin''': Three billion, six hundred and fifty seven million, six thousand... :'''Jigen''': ''[smacking Lupin lightly on the head to wake him up]'' What kind of talk is that? We know the guy's real identity now. :'''Fujiko''': Lupin, what are you doing? ''[She runs up to the gang]'' Is that the Venus statue? It's pretty. :'''Lupin''': You can see it behind the camels? :'''Fujiko''': What camels? ---- :'''Fujiko''': You were decieved by some butterflies? ==== Episode 126, Together with Lupin to Hell ==== :'''Lupin''': Could you keep this for me? ''[He tosses Goemon a brooch]'' Just take it for me as my parting gift. I could be killed by Fujiko's tricks. ''[Goemon gives a smile of understanding, pockets the item and leaves]'' ---- :''[Lupin removes the tape from a bound Jigen's mouth]'' :'''Jigen''': Lupin, you jerk! Have I ever betrayed you? What's the big idea? :'''Lupin''': If I didn't, you wouldn't come with me. :'''Jigen''': Stop the car! I don't want to take part! ''[Lupin sprays Jigen with knockout gas]'' Lupin, I'll remember this... :''[He passes out in the front passenger seat]'' :'''Lupin''': I'll wake you when you get there. Sweet dreams. ---- :'''Lupin''': What now, Jigen? :'''Jigen''': Dunno. ---- :'''Lupin''': Let's use rock-paper-scissors to see who'll decide. ''[Jigen scoffs]'' As I thought... ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[thinking Lupin had died]'' He was a lady-killer, spineless, irritating, but to die like this... :''[a stone is hurled at his head. Lupin emerges from one of the corner pockets]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[indignantly]'' Who's a spineless irritating lady-killer?! ---- :'''Lupin''': Damn, the water's coming in. Go-Goemon... ''GOEMON!!'' ''[The stone behind Lupin and Jigen is sliced and they fall out backwards]'' Goemon, are you dead, too? :'''Goemon''': That would be troublesome. ==== Episode 128, The Old Woman and the Thievery Contest ==== :''[Lupin barges into Jigen and Goemon's room. The two men wake up squealing like little girls. There's a short, awkward pause. Lupin goes to the end of Goemon's bed and looks at him curiously]'' :'''Goemon''': ''[blushing and clearing his throat]'' It seems I've had a bad dream. :'''Jigen''': ''[trying to look casual]'' Me, too. :''[Lupin leaves, knowing his partners don't have the diamond]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': I'm mad that you used my name at your will. :'''Mrs. Dokonjo''': You're angry... :''[She bawls]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[nervous]'' Granny... Listen, granny... ''[He moves over to console her]'' I'll forgive you. But please, don't do it again. Please. :''[She looks up at him with a glare]'' :'''Mrs. Dokonjo''': Lupin! :'''Lupin''': What kind of a look is that? ---- :''[The gang stand on each other's shoulders so that their lunatic friend can reach a diaper on a laundry line]'' :'''Jigen''': When I find that old lady, I'll show her who's boss. :'''Goemon''': ''[standing on Jigen's shoulders]'' I came to Broadway for this? :'''Fujiko''': ''[standing on Goemon's shoulders]'' The four of us had to be mobilized for that? :'''Lupin''': ''[standing on Fujiko's shoulders]'' Just a bit more... there... just a bit more... :''[He manages to grab the trivial thing]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': That old bag is trying to make the article more interesting. She siphoned the gas out of the tank. We're out of gas! :'''Jigen''': ''[laughing lightly and pushing his fedora further down his face]'' That old biddy. I'm beginning to like her. ==== Episode 129, In Jigen, I Saw the Kindness of a Man's Soul ==== :'''Guard''': At the moment, the president is taking a nap. Until he wakes up, please wait in the waiting room. :'''Jigen''': OK. By the way... ''[He hits the guard with a tranquilizer dart]'' Why don't you take a nap as well? ---- :'''Lupin''': I really ought to go there myself, but Pops is hot on my tail right now. :'''Zenigata''': Grrr... Woof! ---- :''[A group of men in brown uniforms burst in on Jigen, who is sitting in a hotel room, holding a beverage glass and wearing a nightgown and a nightcap]'' :'''Jigen''': Well, I don't recall calling for room service. :'''Janaican Police Chief''': Has a woman come into this room? :'''Jigen''': What woman? Sorry, man, but I'm a woman-hater. :'''Janaican Police Chief''': If you're lying, you're in big trouble. Search the place! :''[The men trash the room while Jigen calmly sits and has a drink. Fortunately, they don't notice the broken window the woman swung in through]'' :'''Janaican Officer''': Damn it, she got away! :''[The men leave as Jigen holds the door open for them]'' :'''Jigen''': ''[to the chief]'' Thank you for coming. Why don't you have a drink with me? :''[The chief ignores him and leaves. Jigen kicks the door shut in a huff]'' ---- :'''Fujiko''': ''[disguised as a pilot]'' We're carrying too many people. One person has to get off or we're going to crash. :'''Lupin''': ''[fighting a thumb war with Zenigata]'' That's what he says. What are you going to do, Pops? I don't want to get off. :'''Zenigata''': ''[also fighting the thumb war]'' I don't want to get off here either. ==== Episode 139, Steal Everything From Lupin ==== :'''Lupin''': ''[watching Mr. Steel carry Fujiko off]'' I ain't gonna let my body have all the fun without me. ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[disguising himself as a woman]'' Lupin has a weakness for women. :''[He applies the lipstick. The white face paint and colorful clothes honestly make him look more like a clown. He answers his walkie-talkie]'' :'''Officer''': Inspector, Lupin is here. :'''Zenigata''': Alright, I understand. ''[He puts on a girlish voice]'' I'll be right there. ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[seeing Mr. Steel as Lupin grope a woman in the park]'' He's really trying to act like Lupin, isn't he? :'''Lupin''': I'm not as bad as that. ---- :''[Mr. Steel in Lupin's body tries to chat up a disguised Zenigata]'' :'''Goemon''': His taste is as bad as yours. :'''Lupin''': Don't be silly. I wouldn't try and pick up Old Man Zenigata if I was offered. ---- :'''Jigen''': What now, Lupin? Your body will be taken to prison. ---- :'''Lupin''': This is the first time I've disguised myself as myself. It's really strange. ---- :''[Zenigata faints from the confusion of having his body transported into Mr. Steel's]'' :'''Dr. Changer''': Poor thing. With his brain it's difficult to understand what's going on, you see. ---- :''[as Zenigata, in the dying Mr. Steel's body, chases his own body, Lupin drives past in the Mercedes]'' :'''Lupin''': Pops! Work harder, will you? :'''Zenigata''': L-Lupin! :''[Lupin accelerates, and so does Mr. Steel]'' :'''Zenigata''': Wait! :''[Gradually he slows to a walk and finally collapses, dropping his handcuffs. It's curtains for Zenigata... probably]'' ==== Episode 140, Wolf Run, Pig Fall Down ==== :'''Lupin''': Look at Pops bragging up there. :'''Jigen''': Go ahead and let him. ---- :'''Jigen''': Thanks for catching up, Pops. ---- :'''Jigen''': That fish could beat Jaws. :'''Lupin''': I oughta turn 'im into a canned salmon. ---- :'''Lupin''': Animal instincts really are a wonderful thing. ==== Episode 142, The Big Favorite Disappeared at the Grand Race ==== :'''Lupin''': Pops, where's your parachute? :'''Zenigata''': I don't need it to arrest you! :'''Lupin''': Let go, Pops! :'''Zenigata''': No way in hell! :''[They float down past Red Arrow, who kicks Zenigata, sending him falling into the water, taking Lupin's pants with him]'' ---- :'''Fujiko''': You've done it, Lupin! :'''Lupin''': Yes, but he eats like a horse, pardon the expression. ---- :'''Lupin''': Pops, I'm leaving him with you. Take care of Red Pig. ==== Episode 145, Wings of Death: Albatross ==== :''[Lupin prepares to exchange the detonator for Fujiko]'' :'''Lonebach''': One... :'''Lupin''': Two... :''[Fujiko reveals herself to be Zenigata in disguise]'' :'''Zenigata''': Three! ---- :''[Zenigata searches Lupin, emptying his false foot]'' :'''Lupin''': Pops, is that big aeroboat going to fly? :'''Zenigata''': Yes, today they will test it. :'''Lupin''': I see, that's the story behind that Albatross spark plug thing. ''[Zenigata grabs his face and pulls hard]'' Ow! Ow! Stop it! :'''Zenigata''': Oh, it's in here? :''[Zenigata pulls off a fake hairpiece from Lupin's head]'' :'''Lupin''': It's not my fault. :''[Zenigata looks in bewilderment as the hairpiece starts to fizzle, and finds out too late that it's a flash grenade]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': Fujiko. Fujiko. :''[Fujiko awakens]'' :'''Fujiko''': Lupin. :'''Lupin''': You're not hurt? :''[Fujiko finds she's lying in the rubble, sandwiched between Jigen and Zenigata, who are unconscious. Lupin, meanwhile, is hanging upside down. The four of them look like a tangled mess]'' :'''Fujiko''': I know you look serious but this really must be some kind of joke to you! ---- :''[Lonebach floats through the air with Zenigata clinging to him]'' :'''Zenigata''': I've never seen an atom bomb like this. :'''Lonebach''': These bombs are real, I tell you! :'''Zenigata''': Then let them explode! :'''Lonebach''': No! No way! ==== Episode 148, The Target is 555 Meters ==== :'''Lupin''': The building lights all look like little diamonds from up here. ---- :'''Lupin''': OK, Goemon, I'm good and ready. ==== Episode 151, The Arrest Lupin Highway Operation ==== :'''Zenigata''': I'll catch Lupin even if I have to go into the cage with him. ---- :'''Lupin''': Yo, Pops, are you alright down there? :'''Zenigata''': ''[poking his head through the bars]'' Lupin, how dare you! Don't move! I'm going to get you right now! ''[He realizes his head is stuck and manages to pull it back through the bars. The barge starts moving]'' Stop that! :'''Lupin''': Next time, pick a better trap for me! ''[He laughs loudly]'' :'''Zenigata''': ''[angrily shooting at Lupin]'' You think it's so funny to make a fool of me? ==== Episode 152, Jigen and a Hat and a Pistol ==== :'''Fujiko''': I need Jigen to... ''[She sees Jigen wearing a Tyrolean hat and giggles]'' Jigen, what happened to your hat? :''[Jigen blushes and hides behind Lupin]'' ---- :''[The gang finds Zenigata hiding in a bush with a recording device, sobbing]'' :'''Lupin''': Well, now. Pops, what are you crying about? :'''Zenigata''': Lupin, I've never been so touched like I am today. I really respect Jigen's decision. He is a man among men. :'''Lupin''': What? :'''Zenigata''': Listen, Lupin. I'll let you go until Jigen does his job. Go for it, Jigen! I'm rooting for you! :''[He marches away, singing the theme to Star of the Giants]'' ==== Episode 154, The Hexagon's Great Legacy ==== :'''Fujiko''': ''[disguised as a messenger]'' Inspector, I've got news for you. :'''Zenigata''': Regarding Lupin? :'''Fujiko''': Yes. He's targeting a bank at the Hexagon City. :''[Zenigata laughs eagerly and snatches his coat]'' :'''Zenigata''': Give it. :''[He dashes out the door]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': Wait there, Lupin. I'll use my bonus money to buy you a grave. ==== Episode 155, Farewell my beloved Lupin ==== :'''"Zenigata"''': And this cutie... I mean, the girl is? ---- :'''Lupin''': The real Pops should be at the airport by now. ---- :'''Zenigata''': How stupid can a guy be to impersonate Lupin? ==== English Dub Bloopers ==== :'''Jigen''': I still say that broad is nothing but trouble, but God damn it, has she got great tits or what? ---- :'''Jigen''': It says right here, "Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot..." ---- :'''Lupin''': Sounds like someone thinks he might not measure up. :'''Jigen''': Oh, that's ridiculous, man! I have a fourteen-inch doggy dick and don't you forget it! ---- :'''Dr. Normil''': Gentlemen. :'''Jigen''': Hey, this guy's got a dick for a head. :'''Dr. Normil''': I can see you've been talking about me already. ---- :'''Jigen''': You just tripped over my dick. ---- :'''Jigen''': There's a sign up ahead. It says ''Go Fuck Yourself''. ---- :'''Lupin''': Nothing like a tall glass of juice after a near-fatal sauna. :'''Jotarou''': Excuse me, but I thought you might like to know that you now have no choice but to lick my sweaty fucking testes. ---- :'''Lupin''': Stop it! Turn it off, please! :'''Jotarou''': And then, when you couldn't beat my father fair and square, you cheated! :'''Lupin''': Hah! I could have broken into that safe blindfolded, but I didn't! And you know why? It was out of compassion for your father, you bald fuck! :'''Jotarou''': That's a desperate lie. I'm ''not'' a bald fuck, I ''wax!'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': Dickhead, you'd better be positive about this. :'''Dr. Normil''': I hate it when people call me that. ''I'M VERY SENSITIVE ABOUT MY HEAD!'' Bastard! :'''Zenigata''': ''[in thought]'' Sure you are... ''penis with ears''. === Lupin III Part III === ==== Episode 1, The Gold is Beckoning Lupin ==== :''[Lupin sees a phone ringing in a shark's mouth. He answers it]'' :'''Lupin''': Call me back. I'm busy. :'''Fujiko''': Oh, dear. The Lupin I know wouldn't act so cold. :'''Lupin''': Who's that? Oh, Fujiko. :'''Fujiko''': I'm in San Francisco, and I need your help. :'''Lupin''': Oh, you're in Frisco? Right, I'm on my way. ''[As he hangs up, the shark bites him on the hand. A wave crashes onto him. As it turns out, he was dreaming, and the wave that hit him was water from a vase he knocked over while trying to put the receiver back. He lies half out of his bed, still holding the receiver]'' ---- :'''Jigen''': You said you were stuck to the seat with super glue? Be careful not to peel your back. :'''Lupin''': I have to hurry and help Fujiko. :'''Jigen''': ''[dismantling the bomb]'' In Chinatown? ''[He pulls out the connecting wire]'' Right, got it. :''[Lupin flexes his back, but the bomb is still stuck to him and the entire back of his clothes is torn off]'' :'''Lupin''': Guess not. ==== Episode 2, Expose the Great Trap ==== :'''Lupin''': Whoever touches this bubble when it bursts instantly loses their short-term memory. :''[He lets the bubble float and walks away]'' :'''Jigen''': Hmph. Ridiculous. ''[The bubble bursts on the brim of Jigen's hat, and he stares ahead in a trance. Lupin steals the gun Jigen was cleaning and swaps it with an ice cream cone. Jigen breaks out of the trance and rubs a handkerchief on the ice cream]'' Huh? What the...? ''[Lupin laughs, and Jigen throws the ice cream into his mouth]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': Here you go, back-ash-wards. ---- :'''Director Aran''': ICPO approved the use of six tons of pure gold for this operation. And the operation failed. Naturally we have to take the blame for it. :'''Zenigata''': ''[crying]'' Because of my failure... I apologize. :'''Director Aran''': You don't have to apologize to me. What's done is done. And you're not an Inspector anymore. Forget about Lupin and go back to Japan. :'''Zenigata''': Director Aran, thank you for everything during my time in the force. ''[He walks away in tears]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': You damn interloper! Mind your own business! Not mine! ==== Episode 3, Greetings, Hell's Angel ==== :'''Lupin''': Well? Scared yet? If you feel like running away, this is your last chance. :'''Flora''': I don't feel like it. ''[Lupin looks bewildered]'' If you're trying to drive me away by scaring me, it's not working. ''[Lupin trudges away, then stops and glances back at Flora]'' I've made up my mind to follow you to the end. ''[Lupin looks surprised. Flora runs to him with open arms]'' Do what you want with me, Lupin! :'''Lupin''': ''[disturbed]'' Just kidding! Joke's over! :''[He flees and tumbles into the sea]'' ==== Episode 4, Telepathy is Love's Signal ==== :'''Lupin''': ''[over the phone]'' Fujiko dear! :'''Fujiko''': ''[in the bath]'' Lupin, I won't see you any more. :'''Lupin''': Sorry. Just wait for me. Kissy kissy! :'''Jigen''': Calling Fujiko again? ==== Episode 6, Lupin has Come With a Tank ==== :'''Lupin''': Geez, where's he off screwing around? At this rate, we'll find the pearly gates before we find the Megas treasure. ==== Episode 9, the Copy-Man Becomes Expensive ==== :''[Zenigata is stuck on a magnet, with Budweiser pinned between them. He strains to pull himself loose]'' :'''Dr. Budweiser''': Ouch! Let go of me! :'''Zenigata''': Sorry, doctor. I'm doing the best I can. ''[He tries to pull himself away]'' Damn you, Lupin! He tricked me into wearing a suit of armor because of this magnet. ''[He gets his right arm free]'' Damn it, I can't get loose! ''[His left arm is now free as well. He continues trying to heave himself away. Some time later, Zenigata is fully free. He runs out of the safe and looks around]'' Alright, Lupin! You're mine! ''[He sees a glass case with smouldering ashes coming from it]'' He tricked us with this smoke, saying that it's poisoned gas! Wait a minute! He made us believe that he left through the tunnel... But he's actually probably gone to the roof! ==== Episode 10, Lay a Plot with the Treasure ==== :'''Goemon''': I was distracted again. I must improve my mind. :'''Lupin''': ''[wearing a chef's hat and apron and holding a frying pan]'' Thanks a lot. I couldn't find the can opener, so it was a big assist. ---- :'''Jigen''': Still, what a flake. Doesn't this guy know about libel laws? ---- :''[Lupin has just told Jigen he heard that the Minister needs Arsene Lupin's treasure for something]'' :'''Jigen''': ''[scoffing]'' Ridiculous. I heard the Minister of Justice is going to run for President. He's just using you as campaign fodder. :'''Lupin''': Yeah, it seems like it. ---- :'''Jigen''': By the way, why does the Minister have your grandpa's treasure? :'''Lupin''': Well, the story I heard is that is that grandpa was screwed over by some broad. And she was the Minister's mother. :''[Jigen laughs]'' :'''Jigen''': That's hilarious. It's just like you and Fujiko. ---- :'''Lupin''': You eat a lot. How many stomachs to you have? :'''Jigen''': Don't be silly. It's natural to get hungry after exercising. ---- :'''Jigen''': Don't you think this jailbreak looks too easy? :''[In the back seat, Zenigata looks nervous]'' :'''Lupin''': What? That just means that my plan was perfect. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Minister, you don't have to go about this in a roundabout way. If you leave it to me, I can arrest Lupin right now! :'''Minister''': Inspector Zenigata, if you really could arrest him so easily, Lupin would have been in prison long ago. :'''Zenigata''': Huh? Well... Yes, but... :'''Minister''': Suppose you arrest him. If Lupin then escaped from jail, it would hurt my presidential campaign. Listen, you must not try to arrest Lupin without my permission. :'''Zenigata''': Yes. I, I... I understand, sir! ---- :'''Lupin''': Hey, Pops, you better scram! That dome's gonna blow! ---- :'''Zenigata''': That's our Lupin... I knew something like this would happen! ==== Episode 13, Play a Joke on the Variation ==== :'''Zenigata''': Well? Isn't it cosy, wrapped in my super Lupin-catching flypaper? ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[sticking an exploding bag to Zenigata's face]'' You'd better not peel it off too hard or your skin will come off. ---- :'''Jigen''': What Lupin needs is rest. He's completely exhausted, in both mind and body. ---- :''["Fujiko" drives Lupin to Madame Luisa's castle]'' :'''"Fujiko"'''': Madame Luisa, the billionaire widow, is holding a big party. There will be a lot of rich ladies there. Those vain creatures are like moving jewelry shops. You can collect their jewels with those fingers of yours. ''[Lupin is asleep and not listening]'' Lupin? Lupin? Lupin! ''[Lupin, wearing a woman's dress and bandages on his head, finally wakes up. The symbol of a hand with a curved index finger is reflected in his left eye.]'' Understand? Our share will be 70-30. ''[Lupin sees the castle and stares at it as though in a trance]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': I caught Lupin and lived! ---- :'''Lupin''': Welcome to the peep show! ==== Episode 16, The Poisonous Golden Apple ==== :'''Jigen''': Got a cold? :'''Lupin''': No, it just happens when Pops talks about me. ---- :'''Guard''': Ah, Inspector, look out! It's dangerous to lean over so much! This is shark infested water! :'''Zenigata''': ''[arrogant and insistent on searching for Lupin]'' You fool! If you're scared of a shark, you can't arrest Lupin! ''[The boat leans to the side, sending Zenigata falling over the railing and towards the water. Lupin throws a rope out with a wooden block attached to it, causing the Inspector to dangle just above the water. He sees the guard is right, and there are indeed sharks in the water]'' Hey! Get away! Stay back! ''[The sharks jump at Zenigata]'' I'm not tasty! Don't come! Help! Pull me up! :'''Lupin''': ''[pulling Zenigata up]'' Geez, what a troublesome old man you are! :'''Jigen''': You're too nice. It'd make the job easier if you left him as shark bait. ---- :'''Lupin''': Hey, Pops, that's too violent for prime time! ---- :''[Zenigata sees Lupin ride away on a shark]'' :'''Zenigata''': What?! He trained a shark?! That's a Nobel Prize-level trick! :''[Out on the sea, Lupin still thinks he's riding a shark-shaped boat]'' :'''Lupin''': Huh? I can't control it. What happened to this machine? ''[The shark dives out of the water]'' Huh? Th... This is a real shark! ''[The shark dives in and out of the water]'' Whoa! He-help me! ''[It dives in and out again]'' ''Jigen!'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': Prince Adam, this woman is part of Lupin's gang! :'''Prince Adam''': She isn't. Fujiko is my governess! :'''Zenigata''': Your governess? Fujiko? ''[He bursts out laughing]'' ---- :''[Zenigata bends the bars of the cage he's trapped in]'' :'''Lupin''': Wow, you really are a gorilla. Time to scram! ---- :'''Lupin''': Pops, you didn't sleep last night, did you? You'd better take a nap! :''[The tired Inspector watches Jigen drive Lupin away]'' :'''Zenigata''': Wait, Lupin... :''[His all-night vigil takes its toll and he falls asleep on the ground]'' ---- :''[Lupin appears at the door. He looks dishevelled and exhausted]'' :'''Lupin''': How do I look? Am I sexy? :''[He collapses]'' :'''Fujiko''': Oh, Lupin, what's happened to you? You look so thin! :'''Jigen''': The apple is actually a laxative to help with bulimia. :'''Fujiko''': That figures. After all the trouble to get it, it turned out to be a laxative. ==== Episode 17, Are You Really Getting Married? ==== :'''Jigen''': See? It's just like I said. ---- :'''Lupin''': So, Pops, can you do me one last favor? :'''Zenigata''': W-what? Why are you being so polite? :'''Lupin''': Well, you know, you're going to have us executed, so... I was wondering... Could you marry Fujiko and I first? :'''Fujiko''': Lupin... :'''Lupin''': Please, I beg you, Pops. :''[Zenigata thinks about it]'' :'''Fujiko''': I'd like to ask that of you as well, Inspector Zenigata. ''[to Lupin]'' To tell you the truth, I've loved you all the time. :'''Lupin''': Fujiko... ''[to Zenigata]'' See? Please, Pops. I beg you. :'''Zenigata''': Fine, I got it. I'll see what I can do. ==== Episode 23, The Beirut Mobile Bank Operation ==== :'''Bank manager''': This is my secretary. :'''Fujiko''': ''[disguised as a secretary]'' I was just bringing you drinks. :'''Zenigata''': ''[with an upturned glass on his head]'' So I see. ---- :'''Zenigata''': They brushed me off with some tissues. What do they take us for at Interpol? :''[He sniffs them]'' :'''Zenigata''': Hey, these smell pretty nice. Guess that's normal for a posh bank... ---- :'''Computer''': Physical characteristic: Bow-legged. :'''Lupin''': That's none of your business! ---- :'''Lupin''': Settle down and have one last smoke. :''[He genially hands Zenigata a cigarette. The Inspector sits down and takes the cigarette. Lupin lights it]'' :'''Computer''': Smoking is forbidden. :''[It sprays water in Zenigata's face]'' ==== Episode 24, Sleep Peacefully, My Friend==== :'''Lupin''': ''[cornered and out of bullets]'' Stupid Jigen! :''[Jigen arrives in a helicopter]'' :'''Jigen''': If you don't like me, I can flee solo. :'''Lupin''': Please don't, Jigen-san. ==== Episode 26, A Ghost in New York ==== :''[Goemon has fished out a skeleton from the Hudson river]'' :'''Goemon''': An unidentified corpse. And floating down the Hudson river. Poor fellow. I wish you a speedy journey. ''[As he starts to leave, the skeleton grabs his hakama]'' What are you doing? Stop haunting me or I'll slash you! ''[The skeleton winks flirtatiously. Goemon yells. He watches as the skeleton vanishes in a puff of smoke]'' A host? An illusion? ''[He looks at the bamboo flowerpot he had laid on the ground with trepidation]'' ---- :'''Lilly''': I do love older men. :'''Goemon''': O-O-Older men? ---- :''[Lupin catches one of the quintuplets in his arms]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[with hearts in his eyes]'' Hey, it's the cute babe from before! Seriously, what's your number? I've got to know! ''[She pushes Lupin away and slaps him]'' ==== Episode 29, Let's Go to the Honey-Moon ==== :'''Jigen''': ''[hearing Fujiko and Lupin plan to get married]'' Hmph. You should take a walk before you break his heart. ---- :'''Goemon''': ''[seeing a Daruma doll seemingly moving on its own]'' What power! ---- :'''Zenigata''': Open, sesame. :'''Door''': Please go away. :'''Zenigata''': ''[pounding the door]'' Open up! Open up! ... Open, carrot. :'''Door''': Please go away. :'''Zenigata''': Open, tomato. Open, green pepper! Open, potato! Open, burdock! :'''Door''': Please go away. :'''Zenigata''': Radish! Cabbage! Celery! Sweet potato! ---- :'''Goemon''': Mr. Robot, please tell me how to cast my chi. ''[The robot flees in the other direction]'' Mr. Robot! Please! ''[Goemon blocks its path]'' Please... I beg you! Please teach me! ---- :'''Zenigata''': I always knew she'd stab you in the back. You were betrayed by the woman and your pals and it left you ruined. You felt defeated, and your thoughts turned to suicide. ''[Lupin yawns]'' But then you heard a divine voice saying "Don't be hasty. ''[Lupin removes the handcuffs and plays with them]'' Is that right, Lupin? ''[Lupin yawns again, so hard that tears form in his eyes]'' Don't cry. Here you are. ''[He hands Lupin a handkerchief. He blows his nose]'' There's an old proverb about not shooting the bird who turns to you for help. Right? You know it? ''[He sees Lupin has placed the handkerchief over his hands and removes it, with his handcuffs back on his wrists]'' ==== Episode 32, 10 Million Dollar Key ==== :''[Zenigata has arrested Lupin for stealing a hamburger. Lupin lies on his prison bed while Zenigata drunkenly sits before his cell]'' :'''Zenigata''': I've been chasing you for ten years. And all that time I've never had a day of rest. Turning my back on my home, leaving my country, forsaking women... ''all to chase you!'' :'''Lupin''': ''[turning away]'' You don't get to pin the lack of girlfriends on me. :'''Zenigata''': B-b-By the way... ''[He falls onto his side]'' By the way... Why... Of all the shameful things you've done, Lupin... Why'd it have to be over a hamburger? This is beyond pathetic. :''[He passes out. Lupin looks over at Zenigata with a smile]'' :'''Lupin''': You really are a big softy, Pops. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Robbing a local bank? ''[He sneezes]'' Talk about lowering your standards. ---- :'''Jigen''': American cops aren't pushovers like the ones in Japan. ---- :'''Lupin''': There's no point in having a car as an ornament you can't drive. ---- :'''Lupin''': Everyone needs a break. Even master thieves. ---- :'''Lupin''': The President seems better suited to riding a horse than a car. ---- :'''Lupin''': Well, that saved us some trouble. They stole the car themselves. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Damn that Lupin! If I ever arrest him, I'll give him my cold! :'''Lupin''': ''[to himself, in the other room]'' That must be Pops! ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[reading Lupin's letter]'' "Your beloved Lupin", my ass. ---- :'''Zenigata''': I came here to have breakfast... I mean, arrest you. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[after Fujiko steals the car]'' Oh, whatever. ---- :'''Lupin''': "Ron"? "Zeni"? What are you, poker buddies? ==== Episode 33, A Boy Genius Plays a Dangerous Game ==== :'''Lupin''': Oh, it's Pops. It's weird seeing him play tag in a place like this after so long. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Lupin, are you after the boy, too? :'''Lupin''': As if! Like I'd get mixed up in something like this! ---- :'''Zenigata''': Freeze! :'''Lupin''': No way! ---- :''[At the New York ICPO headquarters, a poorly Zenigata sneezes loudly]'' :'''Zenigata''': ''[sneezing loudly]'' I will definitely catch Lupin... even if I have to sacrifice my life. ''[He sneezes again]'' :'''Chief''': I don't care about Lupin, Zenigata. It seems you don't understand how important this invention is. Anyway, bring back that boy Mikhail. ''[Zenigata blows his nose]'' He wants to use this invention to help starving people Africa and Asia. ''[Zenigata doesn't listen. He stows away his tissue, then takes out a piece of folded paper]'' That was the late Professor Kazanov's dying wish. If it winds up in corporate hands or those of a single government... ''[He realizes Zenigata is distracted]'' Are you listening, Zenigata? ''[Zenigata sneezes white powder into the chief's face]'' ==== Episode 34, Manhattan Crisis ==== :'''Zenigata''': ''[harried]'' ICPO hate putting people up on travel. They're so damn stingy on expenses. ---- :'''Lupin''': You say "pure love", but you mean "pure gold", don't you? ---- :'''Zenigata''': If I arrest Lupin know, they wouldn't know what to do with me! That's why I let him go on purpose. ---- :'''Lupin''': Sorry, I'm... Huh? You're still mad? :'''Goemon''': You woke me up from a nap. How could I be in a good mood after that? :'''Jigen''': Try taking your anger out on the mafia guys. ---- :'''Lupin''': I wish I could act like Elliot Ness! ---- :'''Thug''': Who are you? :'''Goemon''': We're the Shinsengumi! What? Oh no, Lupin's stupidity has rubbed off on me. ---- :'''Fujiko''': Where's Goemon? :'''Jigen''': He went off to crash. :'''Fujiko''': How can he sleep when there's eight million dollars waiting for him? ---- :'''Jigen''': Hey, Lupin. Did you order this thing? :''[Lupin finds that there's a grenade on the sandwich tray. He and Jigen race out the diner. Lupin presses his back to the door. The diner blows up. When the smoke clears, Lupin is unharmed, still with his back to the door. He stares ahead, face blank and numb with terror]'' :'''Lupin''': Delicious. ---- :''[Fleeing from the mafia, Lupin and Jigen run into a couple of policemen doing a stop-and-search] :'''Lupin''': Officer! Help! Help! Help! H- ''[He finds himself staring down the barrel of a cop's gun]'' Eh? ''[He quickly dodges before the cop fires and he and Jigen continue running down the street. The suspected felon fires at them along with the cops]'' Are they mafia, too? :'''Jigen''': Guess so. ---- :'''Lupin''': How many people are in the goddamn mob?! :'''Jigen''': Just assume it's everybody! ---- :'''Lupin''': Help us, Pops! :''[The mafia follow him and Jigen out of the manhole and chase them down the street]'' :'''Zenigata''': I'll help you when I've arrested you. ---- :''[Lupin and Jigen shelter together in a safe while Zenigata searches among the rubble]'' :'''Lupin''': Looks like we're stuck here for a while. :'''Jigen''': ''[dazed]'' Guess so. ---- :'''Goemon''': I'm tired. Bye. ---- :''[Zenigata sits before two wooden crosses he made for Lupin and Jigen]'' :'''Zenigata''': Why did you die and leave me on my own, Lupin? I... I loved chasing you. ''[He buries his face in his fist and cries]'' :'''Lupin''': Hey, Pops! What's up? Did someone die? :'''Zenigata''': Lupin! You're alive? ''[He dodges as Fujiko drives past him]'' :'''Fujiko''': Lupin! Wait for me! :'''Zenigata''': ''[overjoyed]'' Freeze, Lupin! You're under arrest! ==== Episode 38, The Little Mermaid ==== :'''Jigen''': Fujiko, in your vocabulary the word friends is just a synonym for money. ---- :'''Wallace''': Mr. Lupin is waiting for you. Please hurry. :''[He hands the Zantetsuken to Goemon]'' :'''Goemon''': Thank you. ''[Two officers run up to him. He imitates Zenigata]'' You fools! Hurry up and find him! He's escaped! :'''Officers''': Yes, sir! :''[Wallace and Goemon smile, then walk away. As they do so, Zenigata, lying under the rubble, flicks a tracking device onto the Zantetsuken]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': I can't go to heaven having been betrayed by my beloved Princess, can I? ---- :''[Lupin is carried off by a dolphin who is in love with him]'' :'''Lupin''': I don't wanna live underwater! Help me! Jigen? Goemon? Fujiko? Pops?! ==== Episode 39, The Gold To My Rival ==== :'''Zenigata''': Darn you, Lupin... Huh? I feel sleepy. ''[He muzzily makes out a group of masked men breaking into the armored car]'' Hey, wait! ''[A man grabs Zenigata by the arm and holds a knife to his throat]'' You're not Lupin's gang. ''[He bites the man's hand, causing him to scream in pain and lose his aqualung, and judo-throws him]'' Don't underestimate me. I, Zenigata, am not so easily... ''[He collapses by the wall, sedated by the gas and sound asleep]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': The culprit wasn't Lupin this time. He... :'''Chief''': I don't want to hear excuses! Zenigata, hurry up and find that gold, no matter ''who'' took it! :'''Zenigata''': ''[saluting]'' Understood, sir. ---- :'''Forensic scientist''': This is a "survival knife". It's used by special forces. :'''Zenigata''': Special forces... :'''Forensic scientist''': ''[pointing to an engraving on the knife]'' Look at this. :'''Zenigata''': Hmm, it's got an engraving. :'''Forensic scientist''': Yes. It's the serial number of the soldier who owned it. :'''Zenigata''': I see. ''[He dashes to the door]'' Thanks a bunch. You've been very helpful. :''[As he leaves, Jigen emerges from the locker]'' :'''Jigen''': I see. The gold robbers were special forces. :'''Lupin''': Yeah. No doubt. :'''Jigen''': ''[taking the knife]'' Still, he's not very bright to drop it. :'''Lupin''': Now, shall we go? '' :'''Jigen''': Right. :''[Lupin pulls off his mask just as Zenigata comes back in. He hastily pulls it back down]'' :'''Lupin''': W... What do you want? :'''Zenigata''': Huh? I thought I heard voices in here. Is everything OK? :''[He searches Lupin and stares suspiciously at him]'' :'''Lupin''': N... No, I'm just mumbling to myself. What do you want? :'''Zenigata''': Oh, right, right. Could you give me back the knife? :'''Lupin''': The knife? ''[He fumbles around for it]'' Knife, knife, where is that thing...? ''[Jigen's arm emerges from behind Lupin's coat with the knife]'' Oh, here. :'''Zenigata''': Ah, thanks. ''[He stands, wondering why the forensic scientist just grew a third arm. Lupin hastily shoves him out the door]'' :'''Lupin''': You got what you wanted, so get out and let me work! ''[He shuts the door]'' Phew. That was a close call. ---- :'''Lupin''': Thieves don't work during playtime. ---- :'''Zenigata''': "Cool my head"? Asshole. ---- :'''Jigen''': By the way, Lupin, what is this? :'''Lupin''': It's a missile. :'''Jigen''': What?! :'''Lupin''': I "borrowed" it from the armory! :'''Jigen''': Get me off this thing! :''[The missile crashes into a forest. The men emerge in one piece from a pond]'' :'''Lupin''': You still alive, Jigen? :'''Jigen''': Our partnership is over. ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[clinging awkwardly to an airborne plane]'' That's it! No more team-ups! :'''Lupin''': But aren't you comfortable? ==== Episode 41, A Night Under Martial Law ==== :'''Goemon''': It was careless of you to abandon us for a woman. :'''Jigen''': Lupin's habits are rubbing off on me. ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[holding Lupin's face in a caressing manner to examine the scratch on his cheek]'' Is that a new wound? :'''Lupin''': Yes, very new. :''[The two men gaze at each other and share a smile]'' :'''Goemon''': Idiots. :''[Lupin and Jigen touch each other's faces, then laugh]'' ==== Episode 44, Our Papa is a Thief ==== :'''Goemon''': ''[disguised as a construction worker]'' At least we're lucky this isn't Japan. No one I know will see me like this. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''(loudly singing)'' ''For the sake of my honey, I'm old-fashioned, aren't I? For the sake of the jewels, yeah-ho!'' ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[raising his voice to a chicken-like squawk]'' Damn, Lupin! You finally got someone knocked up! :'''Goemon''': ''[to the flabbergasted Lupin]'' It is rather unlike you to leave evidence behind. :'''Lupin''': It's a lie, it's a lie, it's a lie! I've. Been. Framed! I've never met this Mary! :'''Jigen''': ''[leaning into Lupin's face]'' You sure about that? :'''Lupin''': Pretty sure. ---- :'''Goemon''': You are a man of the world, aren't you? :'''Lupin''': ''[sheepishly]'' Well... a bit... ---- :''[Lupin calls Fujiko]'' :'''Fujiko''': I told you, we're not teaming up. :'''Lupin''': It's not that. I need a woman's nursing hand. ''[He sees Mark and Vivian playing with Lupin's Walther and Jigen's Magnum]'' Shut up! That's not a toy! ''[He and Jigen snatch their weapons back]'' :'''Fujiko''': ''[hearing the commotion of children]'' Lupin, are you hiding in a kindergarten? :'''Lupin''': No. OUCH! :''[Over in a truck, Zenigata listens in on the conversation]'' :'''Fujiko''': Well, I'm too busy to help, plus I don't want to. :'''Lupin''': Please, Fujicakes! We're in an apartment in the East Village! :'''Fujiko''': No! :''[She hangs up]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[crying]'' I didn't know that thieves with children even existed! On the contrary, I... :'''Lupin''': Don't cry on me, Pops! :'''Zenigata''': Having spent my life chasing this fool, I never even found a wife! I don't even have any darling children! My fate won't allow it! :'''Lupin''': What snapped in Pops? :'''Jigen''': Apparently he wants a family. :'''Goemon''': Poor soul. :'''Jigen''': This is our chance to run. :''[They back away from the poor, lonely Inspector and make a break for it]'' :'''Zenigata''': I want a wife! I want kids! ---- :'''Goemon''': No matter how we look at it, there's no way Jigen or I have children. :'''Jigen''': Right. No chance of that there. Though in your case... :'''Lupin''': Please, stop talking like that. ---- :'''Fujiko''': We both need to escape! :'''Lupin''': ''[sarcastically]'' Thanks for thinking of me! ---- :'''Jigen''': You look good in drag. :'''Goemon''': Shut it already. ==== Episode 46, Soaring on Scrap Wings ==== :'''Lupin''': ''[imitating Fujiko]'' "Lupin, I want the Hina dolls. Let's have a Hina doll party, just you and me." Let's light the lantern! Lantern, lantern! :'''Jigen''': ''[scoffing]'' Too silly for me. ---- :''[The plane crashes, with Zenigata inside]'' :'''Jigen''': Aw man, the old man finally bit it. :'''Fujiko''': I feel a bit sorry for him. :'''Lupin''': ''[devoutly clasping his hands together as he floats into the sea]'' Well, he's got a special reservation on his arrival in heaven. ---- :'''Zenigata''': I'm glad you saved my life, but the problem is we can't communicate. == Lupin the Third Part V == [[File:083-face-with-monocle.svg|thumb|[[Thieves]] are in the [[shadows]], [[all]]'s [[right]] with the [[world]].]] * [[Thieves]] are in the [[shadows]], [[all]]'s [[right]] with the [[world]]. ** Smart monocle activation code; derived from ''[[w:Pippa Passes|Pippa Passes]]'' by [[Robert Browning]], (1841) == About ''{{PAGENAME}}'' == [[File:Giacche_Lupin_III.jpg|thumb|In a word, he’s all about “[[freedom]]”, isn’t he. I think this makes him a reflection of what we’d like to be ourselves. ~ Monkey Punch]] [[File:Walther_P38_(6971798779).jpg|thumb|He's a nice man <br> But he's cool <br> You know, he uses [[w:Walther P38|Walther]] <br> Yeah <br> The machine cries, <br> "Bang bang." <br> Yeah, he's the Lupin the Third. <br> Nice man <br> Yeah, he smiles <br> And he gets angry... sometimes. <br> But... he's a groovy guy. ~ Tokyo Movie Kikabuku]] * Lupin the Third is [[James Bond]] meets [[Charlie's Angels]] with [[Scooby-Doo]] sensibilities. ** Rob Lineberger. [https://web.archive.org/web/20140311223826/http://www.dvdverdict.com/reviews/lupinthe3rd.php "Lupin The Third: The World's Most Wanted Review"], ''DVD Verdict'', (May 21, 2003). *'''Interviewer''': Lupin’s [[charming]] isn’t he… :'''Monkey Punch''': In a word, he’s all about “[[freedom]]”, isn’t he. I think this makes him a reflection of what we’d like to be ourselves. :* Monkey Punch as quoted by [https://wavemotioncannon.com/2017/08/08/lupin-iii-a-short-interview-with-monkey-punch-animage-071978/ "Lupin III – A Short Interview With Monkey Punch"], Kazuhiko Kato, ''Animage'', (07/1978) * The world's richest man isn't a [[w:Rothchild|Rothchild]] or a [[w:Rockefeller|Rockefeller]]. It's Lupin! ** "Uncover the Secret of Tsukikage Castle"/"The Riddle of Tsukikage Castle", (June 12, 1978), written by Mon Shichijo * [A] crazy, groovy 1960s world of dynamite and backstabbing, hippies and gangsters. ** Jason Thompson. "Manga: The Complete Guide". New York, New York: Del Rey. (October 9, 2007). p. 196. * [A] fascinating homage to [[Mad (magazine)|Mad magazine]] and a four star example of comics as pure [[comedy]]. ** Jason Thompson. "Manga: The Complete Guide". New York, New York: Del Rey. (October 9, 2007). p. 196. * Lupin <br> He's a nice man <br> But he's cool <br> You know, he uses Walther <br> Yeah <br> The machine cries, <br> "Bang bang." <br> Yeah, he's the Lupin the Third. <br> Nice man <br> Yeah, he smiles <br> And he gets angry... sometimes. <br> But... he's a groovy guy. ** "Nice Guy Lupin", composed by Takeo Yamashita and performed by Charlie Corsey, written by Tokyo Movie Kikabuku, (January 30, 1972) === "Interview Monkey Punch" (November 13th 2003) === <small> [[w:Monkey Punch|Monkey Punch]], [http://www.animenewsnetwork.com/feature/2003-11-13 "Interview Monkey Punch"], ''Anime News Network'', (November 13th 2003) </small> * Actually, it's kind of interesting. I think men and women in general as... rather than saying tease, say they enjoy each other. They use their attributes; Fujiko uses her beautiful body and her sex appeal as a weapon and Lupin uses his cunning and his wit as a weapon and they like going at it with each other in a fun sense. Not necessarily lovers, not necessarily husband and wife, but more just having fun as man and woman with each other and using their weapons against each other, but in an enjoyable way. That's how I think of that. * When I started drawing Lupin thirty-six years ago, I was really only supposed to draw him for 3 months. It was more of only a contract project. At the end of that 3 months, it became popular and I continued drawing it for 10 years. And over that time, I never expected that I'd be invited to America multiple times, to attend these conventions, have so many fans and people that have read my works and have come to talk to me and express their gratitude. It's really an amazing feeling and at the same time it's bizarre in a way. I don't understand the popularity. I'm happy for it, but I don't understand it. * I would probably have to say as far as inspirations are concerned, maybe some of the more famous mystery works, just worldly mystery works. I think they probably helped me out creating my stories quite a bit. <br> Even things like, you know, Treasure Island or Monte Crisco, I think even those works influenced me quite a bit. I even enjoyed reading about D'Artagnan from the Three Musketeers. It might be my own analysis, but I even feel that Lupin might be very similar to D'Artagnan. M'lady the character that comes out from the D'Artagnan stories, I think that person might even be similar to Fujiko. So, those kinds of works I really think they did affect me at an early age. == External links == {{wikipedia}} [[Category:Japanese TV shows]] [[Category:Science fiction TV shows]] [[Category:Fantasy TV shows]] 2roa8dj6rmplm5aq6d2q84x8tjgvqv1 3778793 3778791 2025-07-14T18:35:57Z 147.147.131.144 /* Episode 10, Steal File M123 */ 3778793 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Lupin_III_logo.svg|thumb|'''Lupin the Third''']] '''''Lupin III'''''(Nihongo: ルパン三世|Rupan Sansei), also written as '''Lupin the Third''' or '''Lupin the 3rd''', is a [[Japanese]] [[w:manga|manga]] series written and illustrated by [[w:Monkey Punch|Monkey Punch]]. It follows the escapades of master [[thief]] [[w:Arsène Lupin III|Arsene Lupin III]], the grandson of [[w:Arsène Lupin|Arsene Lupin]], the [[w:gentleman thief|gentleman thief]] of [[Maurice Leblanc]]'s series of novels. == Quotations from the series == === Lupin The Third Part I === ==== Episode 1, Is Lupin Burning...? ==== :'''Zenigata''': Lupin, how many years has it been, chasing you like this? It's in my blood. It's my fate. If you weren't the grandson of Arsene Lupin, and if I weren't a descendant of Heiji Zenigata... I'll catch you for sure some day. ---- :'''Lupin''': Well, hello, Fujiko. How are you? :'''Fujiko''': ''[clothes torn and tickling hands all over her]'' I'm not exactly tickled pink, Lupin. ---- :'''Zenigata''': You fool! What, do you think you'll stop me? :'''Fujiko''': Not at all. But stay here if you don't want to die. ==== Episode 2, The Man They Call a Magician ==== :'''Lupin''': I'm hungry. :'''Jigen''': Sorry, but we only have food for me, not for you. :'''Lupin''': The octopus? Forget about that. ---- :'''Jigen''': Man, this glass sure can be a pain. ==== Episode 3, Farewell My Beloved Witch==== :'''Lupin''': Linda, my sweet! :'''Jigen''': The hell? Did he just say "Linda, my sweet"? I can't do this... ---- :'''Lupin''': "Attack your prey swiftly and disappear like the wind", right? ---- :'''Lupin''': The missile. A nuclear warhead! ''[Close to tears, he places a hand on the missile]'' Linda had to die for something as stupid as this. ''[He quietly weeps into the missile]'' ---- :'''Jigen''': This is why I keep telling you to be careful of women. :'''Lupin''': I got it, I got it. Don't nag so much. ==== Episode 4, One Chance to Breakout ==== :'''Doctor''': That man is something else. :'''Zenigata''': Well, he won't be for much longer. After all, he's going be executed. ''[He imagines himself at Lupin's trial]'' Death penalty! Death is the only suitable sentence for Lupin the Third! I devoted my entire life to capturing Lupin! I came into being solely so I could arrest him! He should be executed! Death penalty! Death! ''[Next he imagines Lupin being executed in various ways]'' The verdict: I sentence Lupin the Third to death! ''[He imagines Lupin crying pitifully at his trial. In his office, Zenigata sweats and anxiously buries his face in his hands as he wonders if this is what he really wants]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': Jigen, are you just going to let Lupin die?! ---- :'''Zenigata''': I guess this is finally goodbye. ''[He meets the officer's gaze]'' I mean, this world will finally be peaceful. ==== Episode 5, The Coming of Goemon the Thirteenth ==== :'''Lupin''': Dang it! Goemon Ishikawa the First was boiled to death! So I figured this Goemon would be weak against fire! That's the whole reason I prepared the fuel! But ''nooo''! :'''Jigen''': Enough with the braying. What are you, a donkey? ---- :'''Fujiko''': Oh, Lupin! I'm so glad. So, are you going to help me? :'''Jigen''': ''[rolling over on the couch]'' Hmph! This is ridiculous. ==== Episode 9, Killer Sings the Blues ==== :'''Goemon''': He's late! :'''Jigen''': ''[sulking on a chair and frustratedly throwing darts at a heart-shaped target]'' Yeah. Late. :'''Goemon''': What could he be doing before a job? :'''Jigen''': Hung up on a woman, most likely. :'''Goemon''': If that's the case, what are you going to do? :'''Jigen''': I've had enough. We're through! ''[He throws a dart at the door just as it's being opened. Lupin catches the dart in his hand. Jigen brightens]'' You're late! ---- :'''Fujiko''': What a square. ---- :'''Goemon''': Where's Lupin? :'''Jigen''': ''[feigning apathy]'' Don't care. ''[The walkie talkie buzzes. Once again, Jigen's mood brightens]'' Oh, it's him. ---- :''[Jigen sees Lupin tied up in his underwear with a huge bump on his head]'' :'''Jigen''': Huh? Where's the woman? :'''Lupin''': She ran away. :''[Jigen bursts into laughter]'' :'''Jigen''': This is priceless! :'''Lupin''': Laugh it up. ==== Episode 11, When the Seventh Bridge Falls==== :''[Jigen sneezes]'' :'''Lupin''': Are you cold? :'''Jigen''': Of course. I wanna get home and take a nice hot bath. :'''Lupin''': Then you better return this. :''[He passes the bomb back to the shivering Jigen]'' :'''Jigen''': Huh? You're heartless. :'''Lupin''': Just do it. :''[He pushes the complaining gunman back into the water]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': She was such a nice girl. :'''Jigen''': ''[throwing Lupin out of the boat]'' Go back there by yourself, then. ==== Episode 13, Beware the Time Machine ==== :'''Lupin''': ''[to Jigen]'' You sure made one sexy maid, too! ---- :'''Fukuroko''': Well, Inspector, would it make you happy if I were Lupin? :'''Zenigata''': Huh? ''[He bursts into derisive laughter]'' :'''Fukuroko''': What if I'd switched places with the real Fukuroko when you left the room earlier? ''[Zenigata stops laughing]'' And what if all the cops here... ''[He reveals his own voice]'' :'''Lupin''': ... Happened to be my men? ''[Zenigata sees the cops dropping their masks and grinning. He charges forward]'' :'''Zenigata''': Lupin! ''[Lupin blows thick smoke from the cigar]'' Damn it, Lupin! ---- :''[Lupin finds Jigen sitting in the middle of a room cluttered with books, perusing obsessively]'' :'''Lupin''': Hey, Jigen, will you quit this already? Forget about that loon. ''[Jigen walks off to the side]'' Hmph. Fine. I'll just take Goemon with me for this next job. Hey, Goemon! Goemon! ''[To Lupin's chagrin, Goemon appears from the pile of books, likewise perusing the volumes]'' :'''Goemon''': What? :'''Lupin''': Well now, Goemon. :'''Goemon''': I'm certain I've heard of Kyousuke Mamou as well. :''[Lupin goes to the front room, sits down in an armchair and puts his feet on the table]'' :'''Lupin''': You gotta be kidding me. Mamou, Mamou, Lupin the 13th, the year two-thousand something... This ain't a sci-fi manga. :''[Some time later, Lupin sleeps in the armchair. As though in a dream, he hears Mamou's voice speaking to him]'' :'''Mamou''': Allow me to explain, Lupin. I have conquered the fourth dimension. Behold. With this time machine, I can traverse the temporal plane, past or future. And I saw it. ''[A frown forms on the slumbering thief's face]'' I saw my descendants kill your descendants. It all occurs about nine hundred years from now. ''[Lupin moans softly]'' Still don't believe me? Then I'll tell you my date of birth. It's November 18th, 1932. :''[Lupin wakes up, and sits up in confusion]'' :'''Lupin''': November 18th, 1932... Yeesh! What a lousy dream. ''[He goes to the window and stares contemplatively out of it. Jigen and Goemon enter the room]'' :'''Jigen''': Hey, Lupin, we found it. Listen up. Kyousuke Mamou, a scientist. Sci-fi author and recipient of the Hugo award. His passion lies in the fourth dimension, especially the study of time and space, but he went mad in 1966. :'''Goemon''': While institutionalised in the city's psychiatric hospital, he declared the world was in crisis, and built a time machine, his version of Noah's Ark. He is currently traveling in time. :'''Lupin''': What's his date of birth? :'''Goemon''': Date of birth? Yes, it's here. November 18th, 1932. :'''Lupin''': ''[smirking]'' Quite interesting, Mr. Kyousuke Mamou. ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[to Fujiko]'' Lupin's in a bit of a serious mood right now. He's up against a man who travels the fourth dimension, one Kyousuke Mamo. We're afraid of him, too. ''[Lupin flies into a rage and hurls a machete past them]'' :'''Lupin''': BULLCRAP! Did I ever say I was afraid? Hell no! You think I'd take that lunatic's threat seriously? ''[He grabs Fujiko]'' Come with me, Fujiko dear. ''[He races off down the road with her in his Mercedes to take her on a date and forget about the lunatic]'' ---- :''[Fujiko watches Lupin sitting dejectedly on a hill outside the church]'' :'''Fujiko''': Lupin... :''[Lupin answers with a groan]'' :'''Lupin''': It's frustrating, but... this is hopeless. :''[He trudges over to Fujiko]'' :'''Lupin''': Fujiko... :''[He kneels in front of Fujiko, buries his face into her and starts crying. Suddenly, he hears church bells ringing and gets an idea]'' :'''Lupin''': Fujiko... marry me! :'''Fujiko''': What? :'''Lupin''': [desperately] I only have three more days. This is my last wish. :''[Fujiko blinks, confused]'' :'''Lupin''': Please. We'll just do the ceremony. Please, Fujiko. :''[He beseechingly puts his hands together]'' :'''Lupin''': Please. :'''Fujiko''': You really love me that much? :'''Lupin''': Yes! :'''Fujiko''': Then... okay. :'''Lupin''': ''[spirits lifted]'' Really? Alright! ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[shaking Goemon roughly]'' Hey, Goemon! Why the hell didn't you help him? :'''Goemon''': And what exactly did you do to help? :''[Jigen, distraught, buries his face in the table]'' :'''Jigen''': Lupin... Lupin... :'''Goemon''': Don't cry, Jigen. ''[Despite this, Jigen starts to cry anyway]'' I'll avenge him. :''[Jigen looks up at Goemon indignantly]'' :'''Jigen''': Idiot! You're too old-fashioned! He's in the Fourth Dimension! The 29th Century! What can an Edo Period guy like you do? If Mr. Edo Period could do something, Lupin would most likely have done something himself. :''[He continues crying into the table]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[from behind the aquarium]'' Edo Period, huh? How insightful of you two. You've given me a great idea. :''[Goemon and Jigen stare at Lupin in shock. Jigen breaks out into a cold sweat]'' :'''Jigen''': ''[eyes streaming with fresh tears]'' Lupin... :'''Lupin''': Well, you see, I was worried that people would miss me when I was gone, so I hid for a bit. ''[He chuckles]'' :'''Jigen''': ''[angry at Lupin for scaring him]'' Damn you, Lupin! ==== Episode 14, The Emerald's Secret ==== :'''Lupin''': ''[seeing Zenigata dance with a disguised Fujiko]'' He's a superb dancer. Very manly, dynamic, simple. ==== Episode 16, Operation Jewel Snatch ==== :'''Fujiko''': ''[to Lupin]'' Your grandfather, Arsène Lupin, would never let anything slip from his grasp. :'''Jigen''': Can't disagree with you there. ---- :'''Beaver''': The emergency alarm! Call the police! :'''Jigen''': Don't make a racket. ''[He pushes Beaver so that his rear is stuck to the floor, and tapes his mouth]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': Beaver, we know you've been smuggling jewels. ==== Episode 17, Lupin Caught in a Trap ==== :'''Lupin''': Oh, come on, Jigen. Don't look so cranky. :'''Jigen''': ''[defensively]'' I was born cranky. ==== Episode 22, The First Move Computer Wins Operation ==== :'''Zenigata''': ''[near tears]'' Damn that Lupin, acting all high and mighty. :'''Chief''': Inspector, calm down. :'''Zenigata''': ''[anxious]'' But... === Lupin III Part II === ==== Episode 1, The Dashing Entrance of Lupin III ==== :'''Jigen''': ''[respectfully taking off his hat]'' These are hard times for innocent bystanders. What kind of amateur are we dealing with? ---- :''[Lupin, Jigen, Goemon and Fujiko sit on a raft in the middle of the ocean after the liner meant to trap them sinks]'' :'''Fujiko''': It's unbelievable. A billion dollars, it's all gone. Sunk in the ocean, for what? All for revenge. What a waste. :'''Lupin''': I just can't get over it. Old Pops, the constant pain in the rear, who hounded me across seven continents, is gone forever. It's really true what they say in the song, you don't know what you got until it's gone. :'''Jigen''': ''[crossing himself]'' Everybody's gotta go sometime. It's all just a long goodbye, Lupin. :'''Goemon''': Zenigata is now with his ancestors. :''[All four have a moment of silent prayer]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[choking up]'' Poor Pops. :'''Zenigata''': Lupin, you weasel! We had a deal! Get your butt over here! :''[The four of them see Zenigata riding a turtle]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[relieved]'' Pops! Is that you? We thought you were dead! Oh, I could kiss you, ya big lug! Let's get out of here, guys! The chase is on again! Woo-hoo! :''[The gang paddles the raft to New York City. Zenigata spurs the turtle forward, but it throws him off]'' :'''Zenigata''': Wait, Lupin! ==== Episode 2, A Bouquet of Bills Blossoms in Rio's Sunset ==== :'''Jail Security Guard''': Hey, knock it off in there! That tapping's driving me crazy! :'''Lupin''': Oh, sorry there, pal. But you're not officially crazy until you go... BLEH! BLEH! BLEH! ==== Episode 3, Hitler's Legacy ==== :'''Lupin''': ''[shivering and sneezing]'' I still don't get why it took you guys twenty minutes to haul me back on board! :'''Fujiko''': Actually, we could've had you out a lot sooner, lover, but everybody agreed that cold water was exactly what was needed to cure your... voyeurism. :'''Jigen''': In fact, we're gonna keep some handy. :'''Lupin''': Very funny. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[about Genhalter]'' The bad news is he's in East Berlin. :'''Fujiko''': What? East Berlin? Isn't that a little ironic? :'''Lupin''': War's over, guy says, "Hey, they may be Commies, but at least they're fellow homicidal totalitarians." ---- :''[Japanese original]'' :'''Lupin''': Maybe I'll just become a little birdie! ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[seized by West Berlin police]'' Hey, get off me! I almost had him this time, but what the hell do you care?! I know, you're only following orders! "Sieg heil!" ---- :'''Lupin''': I oughta take Rip Van Schickelgruber here and throw him back over the wall! ---- :'''Lupin''': Hey, ladies! This way! We got a rich widower with a heart condition! ---- :'''Zenigata''': Now, be a pal and pose with those transvestites. Come on, it's for my scrapbook. :'''Officer''': I'd never do that. I'm a police officer. :'''Zenigata''': Fine, fine, whatever. But don't just stand there like a big stiff. Smile at least, or something. Come on. :'''Officer''': This ''is'' my smile. :'''Zenigata''': ''[dryly]'' Big surprise. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[seeing the report cards]'' This was his secret stash?! He murders half the world and he's ashamed of ''this''?!? ==== Episode 4, I Can Hear Nessie's Song ==== :'''Goemon''': For Buddha's sake, Lupin, have some dignity. ---- :''[Lupin sees Fujiko being abducted by Dr. Oz]'' :'''Lupin''': Fujiko! Fujiko, hold on! I'm coming! ''[He grabs the oars]'' Come on, Jigen, we gotta help her! :''[He starts rowing at speed, causing Jigen to almost fall out and nearly drop the scotch]'' :'''Jigen''': Hey, hey, hey! The scotch! Who-o-oah! :''[Over on the boat, Fujiko feebly protests]'' :'''Fujiko''': No! Let go of me! :'''Dr. Oz''': Faster! Let's go! :''[Lupin rows frantically, inadvertently tossing Jigen up and down]'' :'''Lupin''': Fujiko! Fujiko! Fujiko! :'''Jigen''': ''[simultaneously]'' Uh! Ow! Oh! :'''Fujiko''': Lupin, help! :''[Dr. Oz turns the boat around. Lupin approaches it in the rowboat]'' :'''Lupin''': Don't worry! I'm coming! Here I am! :''[He swings at one of the men and hits him on the head]'' :'''Jigen''': Hey! Take it easy! I'm getting seasick! :''[A wave from the boat capsizes Lupin's small rowboat. Dr. Oz's motorboat drives away]'' :'''Fujiko''': Lupin! :''[Lupin and Jigen lie across the capsized boat]'' :'''Lupin''': Jigen! Get 'em, get 'em, get 'em! :'''Jigen''': ''[aiming his pistol]'' Hang on. I can't get a beat on 'em. :'''Lupin''': Come on! They're getting away! Shoot 'em, willya? :''[He impatiently hits Jigen over the head with an oar]'' :'''Lupin''': Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! :''[He looks over at Jigen, who is lying, dazed, across the capsized boat]'' :'''Lupin''': Oops. Sorry, pal. ---- :'''Goemon''': ''[after saving Lupin and Jigen from being taken out by an assassin]'' It's a good thing that one of us wasn't sleeping on the job. ---- :''Lupin suddenly cries out. Jigen shoves him to the ground as bullets rain over them]'' :'''Jigen''': Damn it! What in the hell is the matter with you, Lupin? :'''Lupin''': Matter?! What's the matter?! Ask my damn butt! :''[Lupin has a bear trap on his behind]'' :'''Jigen''': Ooh, that's gotta hurt. These guys are good. I mean, well, you know. ---- :''[Goemon pulls at the bear trap on Lupin's behind]'' :'''Lupin''': Ow! Easy, Goemon! :'''Goemon''': Transcend it. :''[Goemon pulls the thing free, ripping off the back of Lupin's pants in the process]'' :'''Lupin''': "Transcend it", my ass! :'''Goemon''': Ah, the old exploding bear trap in the ass trick. ''[He throws away the bear trap and it explodes]'' :'''Lupin''': ''ANYBODY HERE NOT TRYING TO KILL ME?!'' :'''Goemon''': Sorry. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Yep, that sedative would stop a Brahman bull. Prepare to be roped, tied and branded, little dogie. You can sleep it off on your way to prison, on a nice long flight. Not much legroom, but you won't notice. ''[He imagines wheeling a suitcase through the airport, with a dazed Lupin crammed inside. Zenigata imagines himself getting out a syringe]'' A little more? Just say no to drugs, kids. ''[He imagines himself injecting Lupin with the liquid and the thief passing out. Back in reality, he searches for where to aim]'' :'''Zenigata''': Head... neck... shoulder... heart... ''[He sets the crosshairs on Lupin's navel]'' Ah, perfect! There we go. :''[He fires the tranquilizer dart. Goemon rushes in and deflects the dart]'' :'''Zenigata''': Huh? ''[The dart hits Zenigata's forehead]'' ''Ow!!'' :'''British Officer''': You alright, sir? :''[Zenigata sits there, stunned. A dazed smile forms on his face]'' :'''Zenigata''': ''Yyyyeeeeessss, just fiiine.'' :'''British Officer''': Inspector Zenigata! ''[Zenigata yawns]'' Bloody hell. ''[Zenigata falls over backwards and passes out]'' ''Now'' what do I do? ---- :'''Jigen''': Uh, Lupin? I take it back. What I said about Nessie. :'''Lupin''': You? Yeah. Gimme a break. :'''Jigen''': No, really. I've been skeptical about the whole thing, but I'm starting to come around to your point of view. :'''Lupin''': Oh, really? And what brought about this conversion? :'''Jigen''': Oh, I don't know. Probably this fifty-foot sea serpent here. :'''Lupin''': Yeah, yeah. Very... ''[He turns around and finds that Jigen is absolutely correct]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': Help! I'm being eaten by a quaint folk legend! ---- :'''Dr. Oz''': What a touching tableau. I'm all choked up. :'''Jigen''': Not enough, if you ask me. :'''Dr. Oz''': I'd say that beard disqualifies you from weighing in on matters of taste. :'''Jigen''': Hey! Come on down here and say that! ---- :'''Lupin''': Smart guy like you? You really thought Nessie would be attracted to this tin can? :'''Dr. Oz''': Her mating habits are obscure. :'''Lupin''': I'm guessing yours must be too if you really thought this lame plan would work. :'''Dr. Oz''': You can bait me all you like, but it's all moot since your friend charmed Nessie for me. :'''Jigen''': Thanks a lot, Fujiko. :'''Fujiko''': Don't blame me. :'''Lupin''': It's, uh, kind of funny, you know? :''[He and Jigen burst out laughing]'' :'''Dr. Oz''': What is so amusing? :'''Fujiko''': I happen to have a nice singing voice! :'''Lupin''': It's just that it's not the first of your charms that comes to mind. :'''Fujiko''': Oh God, you're hopeless. :''[She knees Lupin in the chin]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': Fujiko, keep singing! ''Mother, father, please believe me, every word is true. I just glimpsed a...'' :''[The Loch Ness Monster heads back underwater]'' :'''Lupin''': Uh-oh, I don't think he likes my rendition very much. ==== Episode 5, I'll Show You How to Transport Gold Bullion ==== :'''Lupin''': You keep trying, Pops. At least the law of averages is on your side, if nothing else. ---- :''[The gang arrive in Nice and trudges along the Promenade des Anglais]'' :'''Jigen''': Oh man, I am so glad to be out of that friggin' forest. :'''Lupin''': Walking all night, starving to death, I can't take another step... Whoa, a restaurant! Woo-hoo! ==== Episode 6, Is the Leaning Tower of Pisa Standing? ==== :'''Lupin''': Of course it's leaning, Jigen. It's just, after all that chianti, you are, too. :'''Jigen''': Oh. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Lupin! ''[He finds he's sitting on a dolphin's back. It dives into the water]'' Hey! ''[It dives back out again]'' Whoa! Cut it out! I'm on official business here! Whoa! ''[And it dives in and out again]'' Stop! I'm serious! ''[And again]'' I'll get you for this, Lupi- ''[And again]'' How do you turn this thing off? ==== Episode 7, Tutankhamun's 3,000 Year-Old Curse ==== :'''Jigen''': Inshallah, you two. ''[He exits, then pops his head back around the door]'' That basically means "good friggin' luck", pal. ---- :'''Zenigata''': I need a seat on the next direct flight to Cairo. :'''Clerk''': If that's your idea of a joke, sir, it's not appreciated. :'''Zenigata''': Listen, I don't know what the hell you're talking about, pal, but I need a... :'''Clerk''': This is an Israeli airport, sir. There are no direct flights to any Arab country. :''[Enraged, Zenigata grabs the clerk by his shoulders]'' :'''Zenigata''': Look, you, this is the last time I'm gonna ask you nicely. Get me a flight to Cairo! :'''Clerk''': Security! Hurry! We've got a lunatic! :''[The guards beat Zenigata and drag him away]'' :'''Zenigata''': No! Wait! Please! I'm one of the good guys, really! ---- :'''Jigen''': I know we're superstitious, but are we ''this'' superstitious? ---- :'''Goemon''': The sun sets, and the sun rises again. :'''Jigen''': The same sun the Pharaohs worshipped thousands of years ago. :''[Fujiko enters onto the deck, carrying the mask]'' :'''Fujiko''': Yes. You know our lives really are just the blink of an eye. :''[The guys notice Fujiko. All pause thoughtfully.]'' :'''Jigen''': How's he doing down there, anyway? :'''Fujiko''' Once he knew we were heading for the Valley of the Kings, he smiled and fell fast asleep. :'''Goemon''': Fujiko, is that the...? :''[Fujiko nods]'' :'''Fujiko''': I'm so ashamed of myself. I just hope it's not too late to return it. ''[Jigen and Goemon stare at her perspicaciously]'' He fell asleep in my arms, babbling and shivering. It was unbearable, seeing him like that, frail and frightened. He was clinging to me like a newborn baby. ---- :'''Fujiko''' The blood on the cuffs is his. He had to yank his hands free. You know as well as I do, Inspector, that if Lupin were in his right mind, he could just slip right out of them. :'''Zenigata''': You know, you got a point there. So, then, where would he be? :'''Fujiko''': He must be in the Valley of the Kings. :''[She covers her mouth as she realizes she just tipped off Zenigata. A broad, gleeful smile spreads across Zenigata's face]'' :'''Zenigata''': Much obliged, Fujiko. ---- :'''Lupin''': So, how was I? As a king? :'''Fujiko''': Sick and scary. :'''Lupin''': I mean, you know, before that. :'''Fujiko''': Oh, you want to know about... :'''Lupin''': Uh-huh. :'''Fujiko''': No, you didn't bring out the concubine in me. ''[Lupin is crestfallen]'' You were goofy. You should have seen yourself. :'''Lupin''': Damn! ==== Episode 8, The Venice Superexpress ==== :'''Lupin''': ''[in disguise]'' Hey, train dudes! Like, wait up, y'know? ---- :'''Lupin''': Hey, Jigen, listen up. Remember that map? :'''Jigen''': M-hm. Yeah. What about it? :'''Lupin''': You must have left it at the hotel. Zenigata found it and he's on the train. :'''Jigen''': What? Really? Nah. That's impossible. I'd never make a rookie mistake like that. :'''Goemon''': There's a simple way to resolve this. :''[Jigen sighs and searches his own jacket]'' :'''Jigen''': Yeah, sure, I got it right he- Where the hell is it? Aw, man. :'''Lupin''': Don't sweat it. Pops'll be looking for us, and luckily we're in disguise. I'm sure he's clueless about Martino. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Guess we're sharing this compartment. Come on, sit down. :'''Lupin''': Uh, no, man. It's like, you know... later! ''[He opens the next door, and finds Fujiko changing]'' Yeah! ''[She throws her shoe at him]'' :'''Fujiko''': Dirty hippy! :''[Zenigata peers out the doorway of his compartment. Lupin, seeing him, quickly gets up, whistles to himself with feigned innocence and hastily ducks into his own compartment]'' :'''Zenigata''': I could swear I heard a woman scream out here. ''[He heads to Fujiko's compartment and peers inside]'' Excuse me, but I thought... ''[Fujiko screams and throws her other shoe at Zenigata]'' Oww. ''[He reveals a shoe print on his face from where Fujiko hit him]'' ---- :'''Fujiko''': ''[in disguise]'' So, you're actually on a case, Inspector? How exciting! :'''Zenigata''': Oh, yeah? Exactly how excited are you? :''[Fujiko gasps at his tone. Zenigata reveals himself, without taking off his mask, to be Lupin in disguise]'' :'''Lupin''': You know, that jockey's outfit back there was giving me ideas. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Why, you're Lupin! Hold it right there! :'''Lupin''': Nope. ---- :'''Fujiko''': Lupin, listen! You gotta get out of there! You're gonna crash on that bridge up ahead! :'''Lupin''': Get over there first and blow up the bridge! :'''Fujiko''': No, you're insane! Don't do it! You're gonna plunge into the gorge! :'''Lupin''': Just do it, willya? Not that I don't appreciate your concern, sweetheart. :'''Fujiko''': ''[acting like a tsundere]'' Did you think I was talking about you? It's the loot I'm worried about! :''[Lupin reacts with frustration]'' ==== Episode 9, What Do You Think of the Ukiyo-e Blues ==== :'''Sharaku''': Water. Please, I... :''[He grabs Jigen's scotch]'' :'''Jigen''': No! Don't you drink that! It's not water, it's... :''[Sharaku downs the scotch]'' :'''Jigen''': Don't you... :''[Sharaku finishes the scotch and lies back down]'' :'''Jigen''': Damn it. Just my luck. This he's got the strength to finish. ---- :'''Jigen''': I hope he's just hungover. ==== Episode 10, Steal File M123 ==== :''[Lupin and Fujiko are locked in a basement]'' :'''Lupin''': Well, the good thing is, I don't think it's Hell. :'''Fujiko''': Not a real far cry, though. ---- :'''Jigen''': You know, you're like a friggin' teenager, Lupin. You gotta grow up, man. :'''Lupin''': ''[petulantly]'' I am ''not'' like a teenager! You guys suck! Go on, take off. Who needs ya? ''[He hears Jigen and Goemon leaving]'' It's not fair! Everyone's being mean to me! ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[as Zenigata]'' I'd say the acting's a bit over the top, wouldn't you? :'''Zenigata''': I'm not acting, me! ---- :'''Goemon''': ''[as Zenigata]'' Hey! What the hell is everybody doing dressed up like me? ---- :'''Chief''': Mr. Zenigata. :'''Zenigatas''': Yes! :''[The chief groans]'' :'''Zenigata''': Listen, I'm the real Zenigata. I should know who the hell I am, shouldn't I? :'''Zenigata 2''': ''[Lupin]'' He's lying, sir! :'''Zenigata 1''': ''[Jigen]'' They're all lying! :'''Zenigata 4''': ''[Goemon]'' Except for me! ---- :'''Zenigata''': Stewardess! Don't let them on there! :'''Jigen''': How did he get out? ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[seeing Zenigata on his and Lupin's tail]'' Butt pain at six o'clock. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Lupin, I know you can hear me. :'''Lupin''': That's a Roger, Red Baron. I'm here. :'''Zenigata''': I know you stole the file from Scotland Yard. Over. :'''Lupin''': Just casing the competition. Over. :'''Zenigata''': You better hand it over. Over. :'''Lupin''': Why don't you roll me in the clover? Over. :'''Zenigata''': ''YOU GO TO HEEEEEELLLL!'' Uh, over. ---- :'''Goemon''': So, the belt explodes if I do this? :'''Lupin''': Hey, hey! Not funny. ---- :'''Lupin''': Who wants chicken nuggets!? ---- :'''Jigen''': Are you sure? That was from the Queen, inviting you to Buckingham Palace, to thank you for your cooperation with Scotland Yard. :'''Lupin''': What?! The Queen?! Buckingham Palace?? ''Aaaagh!'' Get back here! Why didn't you tell me? ==== Episode 11, Wager on the Monaco GP ==== :'''Jigen''': Goemon, are you in? :'''Goemon''': Hmm... Why not? I'll give it a try. :'''Jigen''': Are you saying you've never been before? ---- :'''Lupin''': This is just great! After all the work I put into that stupid race tomorrow! :'''Jigen''': It's your own damn fault. :'''Lupin''': ''I KNOW!!!'' ---- :'''Jigen''': May I remind you the last time she got us a good deal was ''never''? ---- :'''Fujiko''': I've always thought of you boys as close relatives. :'''Lupin''': ''[incredulously]'' Yeah? That's what Lizzie Borden said. ---- :'''Lupin''': I can't believe I lost all that money. :'''Fujiko''': Yeah? Well, that was ''my'' money, you big dumb jerk! :''[She scratches his face]'' :'''Lupin''': Help! She's gonna kill me! :''[He flees down the promenade, with Fujiko in pursuit]'' :'''Fujiko''': You wish! Killing's too good for you! ==== Episode 12, A Present for the President ==== :'''Zenigata''': But I'm telling you, I'm the only one in the world who can capture this guy! :'''Bordeaux Chief''': I know what you are saying, but then why have you not captured him? :''[Zenigata hesitates]'' ---- :'''Bordeaux Chief''': Just follow me, Inspector Origami. :'''Zenigata''': Hey, the name's not Origami, it's Zenigata! ---- :''[Fujiko notices Lupin watching her get in the wine barrel]'' :'''Fujiko''': Grow up, will you? ''[Lupin giggles. As Fujiko gets into the barrel, she sees Goemon watching her]'' You, too? :'''Goemon''' ''[guiltily]'' Uh, me? Uh, I didn't see a thing. ---- :'''Bordeaux Chief''': It's all up to you, Inspector Epiglottis. ---- :'''Bordeaux Chief''': I know my job, Inspector Terra Cotta. ---- :'''Zenigata''': I knew you were settin' me up, Lupin. You had no idea where the bottle was, but I turned the tables on you, Lupin! I had him take me to the wrong place, and now you're hoist on your own whatever you call it. :'''Lupin''': ''[annoyed]'' "Petard", it's called a damn petard! ---- :''[Lupin is drunkenly driving the gang back to the hideout]'' :'''Jigen''': You sure you're okay to drive? :'''Lupin''': Oh, sure. I'm fine. Just fine. Little bit of alcohol like that isn't going to affect me. :'''Fujiko''': ''[sitting in the back with Goemon]'' Lupin, cut it out! ---- :''[Lupin and Goemon are seriously hungover]'' :'''Jigen''': You guys are a couple of lightweights. :'''Lupin''': Come on, man, keep it down, willya? :'''Jigen''': Ah, geez... :'''Goemon''': You know, just for the record, I've never been hungover from drinking sake. :'''Lupin'''': Gee, you think maybe that's cause it ''TASTES LIKE CRAP?!'' ---- :'''Bordeaux Chief''': Ah, here you are, my dear good friend and colleague, Inspector Pennsylvania. Mon ami. ''[He vigorously pumps the hungover Zenigata's arm]'' Merci. Thanks to you, the bottle is perfectly safe with us. ''[He slaps Zenigata on the back]'' :'''Zenigata''': Hey, Lieutenant, you think you can get my name right if I promise not to throw up on your shoes? ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[in disguise, offering to kiss Zenigata on the cheek]'' 'Allo! What about me? :'''Zenigata''': Uh, no thanks. Gotta run. Bye! ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[to a flight attendant he doesn't realize is Fujiko in disguise, gesturing suggestively]'' I'll take whateeeever you're serving. :'''Fujiko''': ''[going behind a curtain]'' Ugh. :'''Zenigata''': Oh, miiiiss? :'''Fujiko''': ''[politely]'' I'll be right back. ''[to Lupin]'' Let's get this over with. Now he's flirting with me! ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[in a note to Zenigata]'' "Dear Inspector: In recognition of your nearly successful efforts, here's some really cheap crap. HA!" ---- :'''Bordeaux Chief''': You are twice the hero, Inspector Sanitation. :'''Zenigata''': Um, well, I mean, uh... :'''Bordeaux Chief''': Modest, too! ---- :'''Reporter''': Inspector, you know Lupin and his gang better than anyone. Why would they pass up a chance to steal a priceless historical artifact in favor of a crate full of dolls intended as Christmas presents for underprivileged children? :'''Zenigata''': It's really baffling, that's all I can say. :'''Lupin Gang''': What'd he say?! ==== Episode 13, The Great San Francisco Chase==== :'''Lupin hallucination''': Aw, you don't wanna kill me. I mean, that'd just be case of murder-suicide, now, wouldn't it, Pops? ''[He laughs maniacally]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': I can't believe we were beaten to the punch like that! :'''Goemon''': You really need to let that go, my friend. :'''Fujiko''': Goemon's right, Lupin. You're really losing perspective here. I mean, we just scored the biggest, most beautiful diamond I've ever laid eyes on. :'''Lupin''': And will you love it as much when it retails for five bucks? ---- :'''Henchman''': ''[witnessing Zenigata talking in his sleep about Lupin]'' The boss was right. This guy is seriously obsessed. ---- :'''Henchman''': ''[smelling Zenigata's breath]'' Son of a bitch. Smells like something died in here. Guy could use a mint. ---- :'''Henchman 2''': Anyways, all's I'm saying is, great game plan, great team, great execution. :'''Boss''': And, uh, speaking of execution, you know what happens to guys who double-cross me, right? :'''Henchman 2''': Eh, we did it. I swear. Here, look. We even took a picture when we finished. :''[He hands the boss the picture. The boss is so shocked his voice slips]'' :'''Lupin''': ''Zenigata?!'' He's the guy?? ---- :'''Goemon''': ''[knocking out the henchmen]'' They'll be fine... ish. ---- :'''Lupin''': Anyway, we already know where the microfilm is. :'''Jigen''': Hell of a lot of good that does us. Though some fun pictures do come to mind. ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[after the psychiatrist uses a bizarre analogy to describe his depression]'' I suppose I should be flattered by that, but I guess I'm just too depressed. ---- :'''Zenigata''': You're not real... You're not real... You're not real! :'''Lupin''': Yoo-hoo! ''[He waggles his tongue at Zenigata. The Inspector screams and runs down the street, leaving a confused Lupin standing there]'' ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[while driving after Zenigata]'' He's driving like a friggin' maniac. ''[An amused little smile spreads across his face]'' I gotta admit it, though: It does feel kinda nice to be running ''his'' sorry ass ragged for a change. ---- :'''Jigen''': Admit it, you were blinded by diamonds and you betrayed us... just like a typical woman. ---- :'''Lupin''': Open wide now, Inspector Sleeping Beauty. ''[He holds Zenigata's nose. The Inspector sneezes violently, and the microfilm goes flying]'' What...? Hey! It's not in there! What's going on? :'''Fujiko''': Wh... Wha...? :'''Jigen''': ''[whistling and pointing to show the direction the microfilm flew in and then pointing to the ocean]'' Mmm... hm. Ker-plop. ---- :'''Lupin''': So, Pops, I hear you talk about me in your sleep! :'''Zenigata''': Shut up, shut up, shut ''up''! ==== Episode 14, The Great Caribbean Adventure ==== :'''Lupin''': Title! ---- :'''Goemon''': When a fever like that proves impervious to every stratagem of Western medicine, it's time for a little Jiryu-toh. :'''Lupin''': What the hell is Jiryu-toh? :'''Goemon''': It's a broth of pregnant earthworms. :''[Lupin gags]'' :'''Lupin''': Oh man, you gotta be kidding me. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Hey, that looked like them! Naw, it can't be. My brain's just rattled from this damn donkey ride. I mean, lots of people go hang-gliding into remote drug cult temples all the time and then... OH! IT IS HIM! ---- :'''Lupin''': You're not fooling me! I saw "The Wizard of Oz" 100 times! :'''Black Magician''': Alright, very well, then. Just trying to have a little fun, for heaven's sakes. ---- :''[The ruby has poor Zenigata hypnotised]'' :'''Zenigata''': My darling, you're so smooth and silky and stuff. Even smoother than mommy, and don't tell her, but I think you even smell a little better. It'll be our little secret... ==== Episode 15, The Great Detectives Take to the Sky==== :''[Zenigata rushes to the blimp as the gangway starts to close]'' :'''Zenigata''': Hey, hold it! I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming! :'''Announcer''': And we almost forgot Inspector Zenigata of Interpol. :''[Zenigata dives for the steps but misses. He jumps at the gap in between the steps]'' :'''Zenigata''': Damn it all, I just... :''[He lifts himself onto the steps, and they close, almost crushing him]'' :'''Announcer''': As did everyone else, apparently. ---- :'''Fujiko''': ''[doing a bad Peter Lorre impression]'' Gentlemen, dinner is served. ---- :'''Gabriel''': Lupin only has until midnight to steal this treasure. After that, not even the greatest thief in the world could pull it off. :'''Lupin''': ''[as Sherlock Holmes III]'' Quite brilliant, really. I must say. It's got me pondering the best orifice for my stamp collection. :'''Zenigata''': Uh... No way. I'm not gonna touch that one. Three hours left. :'''Gabriel''': So, come on. Candyland? Moustrap? Hungry Hippos? ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[as Archer]'' Why don't you just slip me a mickey? I mean, you got anything a little peppier? You know, like... ''[He drums on a bottle and hums a tune before falling over backwards]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': Just give it up. There's no way out of this this time, Lupin. We're puttin' you on ice for good and I got your mittens right here. ''[He pulls out a pair of handcuffs]'' :'''Lupin''': That's very kind, but you might wanna save those for that cold day in hell when I admit defeat. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[previewing the next episode]'' Oh, man, how did I get so ugly? And mean? Is that really me? Something funny's going on and I don't mean ha-ha funny like this. It's shocking. It's exciting. It's smack-me-up-the-head-and-call-me-Patsy. Catch you later! ==== Episode 16, The Two Faces of Lupin==== :'''Zenigata''': Lupin likes to think of himself as some sort of a gentleman thief. If he says he'll be here at three o'clock Thursday morning, you can count on it. ---- :'''Zenial''': What could you possible want, ma cherie? :'''Fujiko''': To feel loved, of course, mon petit escargot. :'''Zenial''': ''[confused]'' Your little... snail? ---- :'''Lupin''': So someone's running around impersonating me. I mean, what's so hard to grasp? I am something of a celebrity, you know. :'''Fujiko''': He dresses like you, he sounds like you, and he's got your fingerprints. :'''Lupin''': Yeah, but he's not as handsome, according to you. :'''Fujiko''': So what? You're a master of disguise, and I didn't say handsome anyway. ---- :'''Fujiko''': Whatever. You guys stick together, and I'll stick to my principles, like not working with killers. :''[She leaves in a huff]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[frustrated]'' What a hypocritical bitch! "Principles", my ass. ---- :'''Fake Lupin''': You know, if this was good enough to con a couple of cons like that, we just might win an Academy Award. :'''Dr. Normil''': Uh-huh. I could be Geffen, and you Katzenberg. But right now, I'd suggest that we check on our little Robert Downey Jr. :''[Lupin is slumped over the table, motionless and groaning]'' :'''Fake Lupin''': This I gotta see. How much of that stuff did you slip in? :''[Lupin completely passes out, drifting off into a deep sleep]'' :'''Dr. Normil''': ''[with a wicked chuckle]'' Enough. Yes, and he'll have absolutely no memory of anything that's happened. :'''Fake Lupin''': Yeah, or of anything that didn't happen either. :'''Dr. Normil''': ''[laughing]'' Exactly! ---- :''[Lupin stands on a tire and puts his head in a noose]'' :'''Lupin''': It's been fun... 'til now. :''[He kicks the tire away, but the second he does, a bullet from a revolver cuts the rope]'' :'''Lupin''': Damn it! Can't a guy kill himself in peace?!? :'''Fujiko''': Sorry, Lupin, but I just can't let you do this. ---- :''[Tied to a chair, Lupin suddenly tenses. Fujiko gasps]'' :'''Fujiko''': It's midnight, right on the dot! :''[Lupin writhes in his seat. Fujiko cocks her gun]'' :'''Fujiko''': Lupin, sorry I have to do this. We'll be together soon. :'''Lupin''': No, wait! It's a... It's a... :''[He sneezes]'' :'''Fujiko''': ''[relieved]'' I knew I was right. You're not a killer. In fact, you're even allergic to death. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[disguised as Dr. Normil]'' Aha! There he is! Look! :'''Zenigata''': Give me those. ''[He snatches the binoculars, nearly accidentally strangling Lupin, who still has the binoculars cord around his neck]'' ---- :'''Fujiko''': Old Pops is going to be really disappointed, but at least he didn't go empty-handed, you know? ==== Episode 17, Aim for the Oildollar ==== :'''Jigen''': Okay, Goemon. You take his right leg, I'll take his left one. :''[They grab Lupin, hold him upside down and shake him]'' :'''Lupin''': Ooh! Ooh! Hey! Guys! Easy! Ow! Ooh! Uh! Ooh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! ---- :''[Jigen paces back and forth across the room]'' :'''Goemon''': We did everything we could. You know that, Jigen. :'''Jigen''': Yeah, I know, I know. :'''Fujiko''': Poor Lupin. :'''Lupin''': ''[from the bathroom]'' Oh! Atlantic Ocean! :''[He emerges feebly from the bathroom]'' :'''Jigen''': What happened? Are you all right? :'''Lupin''': Yeah. I'm fine. ''[He presents the bomb Lawrence made him swallow]'' But that horse laxative almost did me in. ---- :'''Goemon''': Shut up and have some dignity, for god's sake. ''[Fujiko blows a raspberry at him]'' Real mature. ---- :'''Lupin''': What? But, hey! What about all the money? :'''Fujiko''': Hey, I wasn't exactly in a strong bargaining position or anything. :'''Lupin''': Yeah, but, couldn't you... You know... :'''Fujiko''': What, take on the whole group of them in alphabetical order? :'''Jigen''': Well, it's not like it'd be the first time or anything. ==== Episode 18, The Black Panther ==== :'''Lupin''': This is great. I mean, this is the ultimate mother of all birthday presents. Can you imagine her reaction when she opens it up? "You're giving me the Black Panther? Oh, Lupin, I love you! Come over here, I want to be your little pussycat!" ''[He makes kissing sounds near Goemon]'' :'''Goemon''': First, I'm not a prop for your sexual fantasies. Secondly... ''[He pushes Lupin away]'' You don't have it yet. ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[showing the hotel clerk a picture of Lupin]'' This is what he looks like. Well, most of the time, I mean. Sometimes he's a woman, or an eskimo, or... Anyway, have you seen him? ---- :''[The gang spies on Conaiseau]'' :'''Jigen''': It sounds like they're getting ready to hit the road. Yeah, you called it, Lupin. :'''Lupin''': I still can't figure it, though. This guy's nuts. At least with Pops, it's all, you know, pretty damn... predictable. :'''Zenigata''': ''[suddenly appearing at the window]'' ''Well, well!'' :'''Lupin''': Usually, anyway! :'''Zenigata''': All of you, out of the car now! :'''Lupin''': Well, what can one say to a gracious invitation like that except... Bleh! FLOOR IT! :''[The gang drives away]'' ---- :'''Jigen''': Where the hell are these guys going? :'''Lupin''': Beats me. Better not be one of those three-hour tours you hear about on Nick@Nite. :'''Jigen''': ''[chuckling]'' Yeah. ---- :'''Lupin''': Sounds to me like someone's afraid he might not measure up. :'''Jigen''': Oh, that's ridiculous, man! My resemblance to Dillinger inspired me to pursue this career! :'''Lupin''': What, his scrawny ass? :'''Jigen''': Okay, fine! If it'll shut you up, let's just go! ---- :'''Naturist Woman''': Can't you read? This is a restricted area. Women only. Where's your registration tag? :'''Lupin''': ''[leering]'' Gee, I forget. I guess you'll just have to frisk me. :''[A woman scratches Lupin's face. He and Conaiseau are chased by a mob of angry women]'' :'''Conaiseau''': That's no way to charm a lady! :'''Lupin''': Oh, like I'm gonna take lessons from you! ==== Episode 20, Lupin Up Against the Wall ==== :'''Zenigata''': ''[to Lupin]'' You're coming with me! ''[Fujiko knocks him out]'' Ow. :'''Fujiko''': Clumsy me. ---- :'''Generalissimo Hatler''': Mobilize the tanks! :'''Hess''': Ja wohl! :'''Zenigata''': ''[gagged with tape]'' Not the tanks, you big gorilla! Can't you see? That's just what he wants! He thrives on chaos! ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[through his gag]'' See you later, Lupin! You'll be hearing from me! ---- :'''Lupin''': I'd been meaning to ask you: How'd that flesh wound of yours heal up? :'''Fujiko''': I'm as good as new. :'''Lupin''': Really? Ooh... ''[He takes a look between Fujiko's breasts]'' I'll just... :''[Fujiko yelps and slaps Lupin.]'' :'''Fujiko''': ''Lupin''! :''[The young man careens down the hill in his wheelchair]'' :'''Lupin''': Whoooooa! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, noooooooo! :''[He passes Jigen and Goemon. Goemon rests by the trunk while Jigen is on one of the branches. Lupin continues screaming in the background]'' :'''Jigen''': Hey, we've done all we can for the guy. :'''Goemon''': He's on this own this time. :''[Lupin bumps along the dirt path, yelping. Zenigata approaches in his path]'' :'''Zenigata''': Whoa, what's that? ''[Lupin speeds uncontrollably in his direction]'' Hey, wait a minute! :'''Lupin''': I can't stop! :''[Zenigata runs towards Lupin]'' :'''Zenigata''': It's Lupin! ''[He decides it's a good idea to run back in the other direction]'' Hey! Whoa! :'''Lupin''': Pops! Wait! Please help me! :'''Zenigata''': Hey! Get away from me! ''[Zenigata runs down a hill shoulder with Lupin bouncing close behind]'' Get away from me! What are you doing? Let go of me! :'''Lupin''': Help! Help! :''[They crash into each other and fall over]'' ==== Episode 23, Witch of the Fourth Dimension ==== :'''Chief''': Well, give my regards to Speed Racer. I bid you adieu. :'''Zenigata''': ''[into his hat]'' Penis! :'''Chief''': Pardon? :''[Zenigata turns and hits his head on the door]'' :'''Zenigata''': Ow. Must have caught a cold or something. ''[He feigns another sneeze]'' Asswipe! ---- :'''French Taxi Driver''': Who are you? :'''Zenigata''': ''[sarcastically]'' I'm Jerry Lewis! :''[He hijacks the taxi]'' :'''French Taxi Driver''': You've lost weight! ---- :'''Zenigata''': I'm a very grumpy guy. ---- :'''Jigen''': Hey, Goemon. :'''Goemon''': Yes? What? Well? :'''Jigen''': It's Fujiko. She wants to talk to Lupin. :'''Goemon''': Uh-oh. :'''Jigen''': I know. I'm afraid just hearing her voice. It's gonna be enough to make him jump out the window or something. :'''Lupin''': BANZAI! :''[a glass window breaks]'' :'''Jigen''': You know? ---- :'''Bujiko''': Now here's a map, whether you believe it or not. I think it's in some kind of code. :'''Lupin''': That looks like... hieroglyphics! :''[Remembering the curse of King Tutankhamun, Lupin becomes very frightened]'' :'''Bujiko''': What the...? ''[She tenderly touches Lupin's chin as he trembles]'' You know, I don't understand what you're saying to me, Lupin, and that really ticks me off. :'''Lupin''': It's the curse of King Tut. I already did that one! :'''Bujiko''': But it's kind of cute, you know? ==== Episode 24, The Phantom Thief Nezumi Kozō ==== :'''Lupin''': Okay, so who've you ticked off? :'''Goemon''': No one. :'''Jigen''': ''[to Lupin]'' He's got a point. I mean, ''you're'' the annoying one on this team. ---- :'''Goemon''': Huh? There's a light on. This guy's brazen. ---- :'''Rat Boy''': And I didn't just bathe in there, either. ---- :'''Goemon''': What's this? :'''Rat Boy''': Well, with books, it usually helps to open them up. ---- :'''Goemon''': Whoa, what's all this? :'''Rat Boy''': Well, it's your ancestor, Goemon the Tenth, having a bad hair day, apparently. ---- :'''Rat Boy''': If that doesn't tell you how close they were, then maybe I could draw you a picture. :'''Goemon''': Uh, no, that's alright. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Holy crap, where is he, damn it all?! ''[He opens the door, smashing the Chief]'' Chief, are you here?! ---- :'''Chief''': Cause if we do fail... It's... ''[He makes a throat-slicing motion and a gagging noise]'' :'''Zenigata''': Don't worry about it, Chief. This one's a no-brainer. ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[bursting into Lupin's room]'' Hey, Lupin, we've got a problem. ''[To his dismay, he finds the young man snoring away in bed]'' Oh, man. Look at him. ''[He opens the curtains, then shakes Lupin gently on the shoulder]'' Hey, buddy, get out of bed. It's lunchtime. ''[Lupin sleeps blissfully on]'' Wouldn't you know it? Dead to the world. I swear to God, this guy could sleep through World War friggin' Three. Sorry, man, but I'm afraid you leave no alternative. Gotta bring out the heavy artillery. Hey, Fujiko! Put on some clothes! :''[Lupin wakes up immediately. He springs out of his bed, inadvertently throwing his duvet over Jigen]'' :'''Lupin''': Huh?! Where?! Tell me! Come on! :'''Jigen''': ''[throwing the cover off]'' She's not here, Lupin. :'''Lupin''': What the-? Hey! That's low! I'll get you. Just you wait. ---- :'''Jigen''': Hey, hey Romeo. We only got till tomorrow at noontime. :'''Lupin''': Thanks, ''mom''. Don't wait up for me now. I can let myself in. ---- :'''Officer''': This guy was drunk and disorderly, Inspector. Put up quite a fight on the way here. :'''Zenigata''': ''THEN LOCK HIM UP! WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO, MAKE YOU A POT OF COFFEE?! GO ON! GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!'' ---- :'''Ratboy''': ''[to his mouse]'' Okay, Liza. Make me proud. ---- :'''Ratboy''': ''[in disguise, while in the men's room]'' Uh, well, I, uh, thought I smelled gas... :'''Zenigata''': Oh, yeah? :''[He slowly approaches Ratboy, who stands there, terrified. Then Zenigata laughs lightly]'' :'''Zenigata''': Well, doesn't that, you know, sorta come with the territory? ---- :''[Jigen is woken by the sun's glare]'' :'''Jigen''': Crap! ''[He checks his watch]'' Huh? How the hell did I sleep so late? Damn it. Some kind of a lookout. I must be getting old, or something. ''[He hears Lupin's laughter behind him]'' Lupin! Listen, man. I have no idea know how this happened. I mean, one minute, I'm scoping out the plaza down there, and the next thing I know... :'''Lupin''': ''[calming him down]'' It's okay. Ratboy's been working for us all night. :'''Jigen''': What? The rat? Working for us? :'''Lupin''': Yeah, and he's not half bad, either. I mean, you know, for a super-annoying, ugly little pimple-beaked freakazoid. So, that crate pretty comfortable? ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[laughing at the ridiculous situation while also hearing Ratboy's laugh]'' Oh, brother. Does he always laugh like that? :'''Jigen''': I'm afraid so. ==== Episode 25, The Coming of the Iron Lizards ==== :'''Jigen''': Uh, Lupin? :'''Lupin''': Yeah? :'''Jigen''': Knock, knock. :'''Lupin''': Who's there? :'''Jigen''': Land shark! ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[disguised as a guard]'' Admittedly, it's all a bit Coyote and Road Runner, but it works. ---- :'''Fujiko''': Quit staring down my slip and pull me up! ---- :'''Zenigata''': Well, at least he's alive. Thank goodness for that. ==== Episode 26, The Rose and the Pistol ==== :''[Jigen starts after the woman's kidnappers]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[pinkies cuffed]'' Hey, Jigen, wait! Give me a hand here! :'''Jigen''': Damn, how the hell did that happen? :''[Lupin struggles with the cuffs, which are being held on a long piece of twine by an unconscious Zenigata]'' :'''Jigen''': Look, handle yourself. I'd better go. :'''Lupin''': Hey! Get back here! ''[He goes over to Zenigata and fishes for a keyring. He finds to his disappointment that there are lots of keys]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': I don't dare set foot outside wearing this fleschuganah thing on my pinkie! I mean, what if it's some weird code that says I wanna get spanked by a skinhead or something? ==== Episode 27, Find the Cinderella Stamp==== :'''Jigen''': ''[while Lupin and Fujiko argue with Alice]'' OK, now, children, let's just... ---- :''[Alice pretends that Fujiko is her mother, so the police ask her to come with them]'' :'''Jigen''': Call me when you're done, uh, ''darling''. ---- :'''Lupin''': This is bad for our reputation. I mean, if anything, ''she'' kidnapped ''us''! :'''Jigen''': Well if you ask me, I'm not sure that's much better for our reputation. ---- :''[Jigen pistol-whips the officers holding Lupin]'' :'''Jigen''': Leave this to me. You go get the girl. :''[Lupin runs off down the street after the girl, and Zenigata runs after him]'' :'''Lupin''': ''ALIIICE!'' :'''Zenigata''': ''LUPIIIN!'' ==== Episode 29, Electroshock Pigeon Tactics ==== :''[Lupin's car is out of control]'' :'''Jigen''': Slow down, would ya? :'''Lupin''': I can't! :'''Jigen''': What do you mean, you can't? :'''Lupin''': Hey, the friggin' brakes are out! :''[He presses on the brakes to show Jigen]'' :'''Lupin''': See? :'''Jigen''': What? Well, don't just tap'em! :'''Lupin''': I'm not just tapping! Look! :'''Jigen''': Then how come it's not stopping? :'''Lupin''': Because... the brakes... ''ARE OUT!'' ---- :'''Jigen''': Call me superstitious, but next time you're thinking about that broad, don't actually say her name out loud, okay? :'''Fujiko''': ''[from down below]'' Lupin! :'''Lupin''': Huh? :'''Jigen''': No! :'''Lupin''': Hey! :'''Jigen''': Don't say it! :'''Lupin''': It's Fujiko! :'''Jigen''': Aw, crap. ---- :''[Zenigata sees Lupin and Jigen floating in mid air]'' :'''Zenigata''': GOOD GRAVY! :'''Baron''': Let me see! :''[He looks through the telescope]'' :'''Baron''': Ah, you see? Just as I told you. Hmm... :'''Zenigata''': It's the damnedest damn thing I ever saw in my damn life! ---- :'''Baron''': They're falling... They're thrown clear of the car which explodes... when then, they gently float down to earth, bobbing just over the water like pixies. ---- :'''Fujiko''': Will everything be... Well, you know, intent? :'''Doctor''': Ah, yes, I assume you refer to his hoo-hah. ---- :'''Lupin''': Her dot... and his dot... are like one big happy dot! ---- :'''Fujiko''': ''[tossing the bubble maker up and down in her hand]'' So tell me, did you invent this, or did you steal it? :'''Lupin''': Well, I guess that depends on which one would really impress you. :'''Fujiko''': I guess... I'd have to say if you invented it. :'''Lupin''': ''[leaning in for a kiss]'' Okay, then let's just say that I invented it, shall we? :'''Fujiko''': ''[holding up the pin-like tracking device Lupin planted in her hair]'' Okay. :''[She pops the bubble she and Lupin are in. Lupin begins to plummet towards the ocean and frantically claws at the air. Fujiko grows a new bubble for herself]'' :'''Fujiko''': Then you can just make yourself a new one. :'''Lupin''': But, Fujiko...! :'''Fujiko''': ''[mockingly]'' What? You didn't lie, did you? :'''Lupin''': ''Of course I diiiid!'' :''[Zenigata waits beneath Lupin as he plunges in his direction]'' :'''Zenigata''': ''Don't worry, Lupin! I'll catch you!'' :''[He grins eagerly]'' :'''Lupin''': MOMMYYYYY! :''[As Lupin nears the ocean's surface, Zenigata leaps out of the ocean at him]'' ==== Episode 30, The Winds of Morocco are Hot ==== :'''Lupin''': Listen, Commander, I really wish you all the best with this big bloodbath of yours, but, unfortunately, I'm not going to be sticking around. :'''Foreign Legion Commander''': Ah, I understand. Well, it's up to you. But I should warn you, the only way out of here is up those steps over there. :''[He points to a guillotine. Lupin grimly imagines himself being beheaded]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[in his imagination]'' Help me! Ahh! Help! Help me, please! I really don't wanna die! Help me, please! Please, stop! I'm too young to die! And too handsome, and charming, and... :''[Back in the real world, Lupin continues to stare at the blade]'' :'''Foreign Legion Commander''': But, hey, if you have to go, you have to go. I totally respect that. :'''Lupin''': ''[hopefully]'' And you're sure that's the only, only way? There's no, like, camel taxi or anything? ---- :'''Foreign Legion Commander''': Such petty rivalries are nothing but a bourgeois luxury, which the true revolutionary must abandon. Plus, I hate you. ---- :'''Lupin''': Damn. I haven't felt so trapped and helpless since the last time I went to Disneyland. But at least when I was at Disneyland, nobody ever forced me to share a teacup with Goofy. :'''Zenigata''': You'll be sharing a cell with rats when I get you back to Japan! :'''Lupin''': Yeah, well, be that as it may... It'll be the land of the ''setting'' sun for you if you stick around here and end up in the middle of some revolutionary uprising. :''[He imagines himself and Zenigata clinging to each other in the middle of a battlefield, then imagines himself crying over Zenigata's grave as the Inspector floats away as an angel]'' :'''Zenigata''': But... What about my poor mother?! ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[holding Lupin lightly by the back of his jacket]'' I got you right in the palm of my hand. And I'm not lettin' ya... :'''Lupin''': ''[pulling himself free]'' No wonder you never caught me. ---- :'''Foreign Legion Commander''': ''[attracted to a disguised Zenigata]'' What would I have to pay for her? :'''Lupin''': Trust me, you don't want her. :'''Foreign Legion Commander''': Why not? :'''Lupin''': Uh, well... I mean, it's just... ''[Zenigata makes a show of cuddling up to Lupin]'' You know... I love her so much. ''[He fake sobs]'' :'''Foreign Legion Commander''': Alright, get going. :'''Lupin''': Thank you. What a nice man. ==== Episode 31, Shoot Into the Midnight Sun ==== :''[An exhausted Zenigata knocks on the door of a Swedish police car]'' :'''Zenigata''': Zenigata, with Interpol. Would you give me a lift? :'''First Swedish Officer''': Ja, sure. :'''Zenigata''': I'm beat. ''[He gets in]'' It's ten o'clock. Why is it still light out? :'''First Swedish Officer''': We have a thing here called the midnight sun, and it... :'''Zenigata''': THAT WAS RHETORICAL! THE POINT IS, I HAVEN'T SLEPT IN A WEEK! :'''First Swedish Officer''': Ah, well. Here, try this eye mask. :'''Zenigata''': Oh, yeah? Huh. ''[He ties it around his face, then yawns]'' :'''Second Swedish Officer''': ''[not realizing Zenigata is already asleep]'' I'm guessing you got some tip about Mr. Lupin. :'''Zenigata''': ''[startled]'' ARGH! WHERE? DAMN! LUPIN! ''[He holds up his hands]'' Whoa! I can't see! ''What's goin' on?!'' Hey! Is it... the apocalypse? :'''First Swedish Officer''': It's just the eye mask. You're fine. :''[Zenigata pulls up the eye mask]'' :'''Zenigata''': ''[sheepishly]'' Uh... I knew that. ''[He looks out the back window]'' Damn midnight sun's a menace! :''[He clears his throat and pulls the eye mask back down]'' :'''First Swedish Officer''': So, what's Lupin doing here? :'''Zenigata''': Well, it isn't really that clear yet. Could be, he's trying to make his way to the North Pole. Yep, it's the closest place to the old midnight sun this time of the year. He'll blast off in a rocket ship and steal it, I tell ya. I just figured it out. He's gonna steal the sun, mama, so he can get away with everything. ''[The officers exchange confused glances]'' But I'm not gonna care at all, 'cause it's gonna be... so dark. :''[He yawns loudly. The officers shrug. Lupin and Jigen approach the car]'' :'''Jigen''': Is that Pops in the back seat, blindfolded? :'''Lupin''': Sure looks like it. Poor guy just can't seem to catch a break. :''[He gets out a cigarette and goes up to the officers]'' :'''Lupin''': Hi. How's it going, guys? Mind if I borrow your lighter for a second? :'''Second Swedish Officer''': There's no smoking in our town. :'''Lupin''': ''[reaching in through the back window]'' Ah. It slipped my mind. :''[He and Jigen walk away laughing. Zenigata wakes up suddenly]'' :'''Zenigata''': Hey! Wait a minute! Lupin did it! Seen that everything's all dark! :'''Second Swedish Officer''': Inspector, take off your mask. :''[Zenigata does so]'' :'''Zenigata''': I didn't... talk in my sleep or anything, did I? :'''Swedish Officers''': ''[as Zenigata rubs his eyes]'' Not a word. ---- :'''Goemon''': So then, what's the plan? :'''Lupin''': What the hell do you think? Plunder. :'''Goemon''': Because? :'''Jigen''': Huh? :'''Lupin''': Just think of the consequences if we didn't do it. One of those girls is going to die, and do you want that on your conscience? I know I don't and... Uh, well... :'''Goemon''': Go on. :'''Jigen''': And because... it's what we do. :'''Lupin''': Uh, yeah. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[still digging]'' 'Cause that was different... The curse was on that mask, so I totally understood... But this is just crazy. I mean, don't come crying to me when I'm sitting on the biggest... ==== Episode 32, Lupin Dies Twice ==== :'''Fujiko''': Come on, Lupin, please just let him catch you this one time. :'''Lupin''': So, I guess this means we're going to be giving up together. :'''Fujiko''': It does? :'''Lupin''': Sure! That's the power of love. :'''Fujiko''': I, love you? :'''Lupin''': You see? :'''Fujiko''': I'm not fooling around. :'''Lupin''': 'Cause this is all you need. :'''Fujiko''': You're gonna need a doctor. :'''Zenigata''': ''[feeling like he's having to come between a pair of squabbling children]'' Just shut up, you two! Both of ya! ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[on the phone]'' And the inscription on the headstone should read: "Here lies poor Lupin, Fujiko-less. At least if she visits, he can look up her dress." ---- :''[Zenigata and Fujiko rush to the morgue]'' :'''Zenigata''': Chief! Fill me in! What have you got here? :'''Chief''': Well, sir, we got a DOA ''[meaning "Dead on arrival"]''. And we got his partners here waiting to be interrogated. :'''Zenigata''': Hold on! Are you saying Lupin's deceased?! ''Do you think I was born yesterday or something?! Huh?!'' ''THE ONLY DUMMMY AROUND HERE IS THE DOA!'' :''[Zenigata, Fujiko and the chief enter the morgue]'' :'''Zenigata''': ''[scoffing]'' The old coffin gambit, Lupin? Come on, you big con artist. ''[He waves his handcuffs]'' Alright, open 'er up. :''[The mortician opens the coffin. Lupin lies inside, motionless and pale]'' :'''Zenigata''': That's our guy! :'''Fujiko''': ''No!'' :'''Zenigata''': Hey, Lupin! Get up! Come on! Hey, Lupin! Cut it out, willya? Come on! ''[He shakes the thief's head]'' I'm not kiddin', Lupin! This isn't funny! ''[He starts crying]'' Damn it, Lupin! It can't be true! :'''Chief''': Inspector, please, maybe you should control yourself. :'''Zenigata''': ''[sobbing]'' You can't really be dead! I never told you this before, but I love you! What am I gonna do without you? You're my whole reason to live! How could you do this to me? I hate you! No, I don't! I don't! I'm sorry! ''[He rubs his tear-streaked face against Lupin's]'' Please don't leave me, Lupin! :'''Chief''': ''[placing a comforting hand on Zenigata's shoulder]'' It's alright, Inspector. :''[Zenigata furiously handcuffs the officer, then, sobbing hysterically, tears out of the building, firing his pistol into the air]'' :'''Zenigata''': '''Puma! I'll get you, you son of a bitch!''' ---- :''[Zenigata is arrested]'' :'''Zenigata''': Hey! Wait, I ... ''[The officers throw him into cell with Jigen and Goemon]'' Ow. :'''Jigen''': Yo, Pops! :'''Zenigata''': Yo yourself, you damn bastard! I oughta... :''[He tackles Jigen]'' :'''Jigen''': What the... hey! :'''Zenigata''': What the hell kind of a partner are you anyway? How could you just let him go and die like that?! ---- :''[Lupin lies in his casket. Six feet above him, we hear the voices of the mortician and Fujiko]'' :'''Mortician''': It should be wearing off by now. :'''Fujiko''': And you're sure there's no chance he could have suffocated? :''[Inside the casket, a light turns on. We hear Lupin's heartbeat steadily growing louder]'' :'''Mortician''': A body in this kind of suspended animation requires very little oxygen. :''[Lupin exhales, then opens his eyes]'' :'''Fujiko''': You'd better be right about that. ---- :''[Lupin's casket is unearthed, just as the drugs he needed to fake his own death have worn off]'' :'''Lupin''': Mommy. ''[He yawns]'' What a nap. :''[Fujiko lifts off his casket lid and greets him with a knowing smile]'' :'''Fujiko''': Are you all right? :'''Lupin''' : ''[sitting up with a rose in his hand and an amorous expression on his face]'' You tell me. ''[He leans in to kiss Fujiko, surreptitiously placing the flower into her shirt, and she slaps hm]'' Hey, what the hell kind of greeting is that? I mean, especially after that touching tribute that I gave you on my headstone. :'''Fujiko''': ''[sarcastically]'' Yeah. Real romantic. :''[Lupin takes a look at the headstone]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[forgetting part of his phone conversation with the mortician]'' Hey! That's just crass! ---- :'''Lupin''': I wanted to see that face. Just once before I say... Hasta la bye bye! ==== Episode 34, Lupin Becomes a Vampire ==== :'''Lupin''': ''[stealing a gold statue]'' I'd like to thank the Academy and all the little people who made this possible, especially a certain Inspector... ''[He stops short when he sees a large black wolf in front of him]'' Uh... You don't really want me. I just wet myself. ---- :''[Jigen and Fujiko are hanging up garlic all over their hideout]'' :'''Goemon''': Oh, come on, guys! This is the pits, literally. I mean it's starting to smell like Pavarotti's armpits in here. :'''Jigen''': Yeah, well, I'm sorry about that, pal, but when it comes to vampires, I don't take any chances. :''[He gives Goemon a chained cross]'' :'''Jigen''': I mean, I know your family's been Shinto for like ten generations... :'''Goemon''': Longer. :'''Jigen''': But that doesn't mean crap to a vampire. :'''Goemon''': You know, there's something very offensive about that. ---- :'''Fujiko''': ''[as a storm rages on mount Onihime]'' No way to get up that mountain tonight. Only an idiot would dare to attempt it. :''[Cut to Zenigata clutching onto a steep mountainside in the pouring rain]'' :'''Zenigata''': ''What the hell am I doing up here?!'' I'M SCARED OF THUNDER! I'M SCARED OF HEIGHTS! ---- :'''Jigen''': Wait a minute, Lupin, you were bitten by that bitch, weren't you? :'''Lupin''': Something... ''[He takes off his fake neck]'' ... just happened to come between us. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Feel kind of cheesy about this. Last time I prayed, it was for a two-wheeler. ==== Episode 36, Expose the Secret of Tsukikage Castle ==== :'''Jigen''': But a loon like that, I mean, this treasure could turn out to be a bunch of sumo wrestler bobblehead dolls or a big ball of tinfoil, y'know? :'''Goemon''': It's possible. But it's said that among his possessions was a sword, called Tsukikagemaru. :'''Lupin''': I have no idea what that means, Jigen... :'''Goemon''': I just explained that to you, it's a sword! :'''Lupin''': ... But it sounds important to him, so whaddya say? ---- :''[Lupin sits at the table trying to decipher a code while the blinded Jigen rests in the mattress and Goemon sits at the table with Lupin, trying not to fall asleep]'' :'''Lupin''': Let's see, I've tried adding, subtracting, multiplying, dividing... I don't know, what else can you do with a number? ''[He yawns and falls on his back]'' Truth be told, math was never my best subject. I was always more of a... ''[He yawns again]'' ... More of a recess kind of guy. ---- :'''Fujiko''': Hard at work, I see. So, how's it going? :'''Lupin''': Not well at all. :'''Goemon''': Because you are not trying. :'''Lupin''': Hey, you're sitting there like a Buddha! I'm working my ass off! ---- :'''Zenigata''': A flying crow will always... Uh, never mind. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Who the hell's the new woman in your gang?! I thought you only had eyes for Fujiko! :'''Lupin''': I swear, I don't know what you mean! :'''Zenigata''': You can't fool me, Lupin! I just saw Fujiko in Tokyo, vamping some rich stud. :'''Lupin''': What? What? But, but, uh...! ---- :'''Jigen''': Hey, don't blow a gasket there, Pops! :'''Zenigata''': I'll blow whatever the hell I want to! ''[He gets hit in the head by a falling gold coin. He catches it in his hands as he lies on the ground]'' Hey, wow! :''[More gold coins fall on top of him]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[pouting]'' Aww... it's just not fair. ==== Episode 37, Find the Treasure of Genghis Khan ==== :'''Lupin''': It's really not over 'til the fat lady sings. ''[He jumps off the roof]'' And I don't mean you either! ---- :'''Priest'''': Hey! Get off my bike! :'''Zenigata''': Shut up! :'''Priest''': Don't tell me to shut up! :'''Zenigata''': I'll tell you whatever I want to! :'''Priest''': Oh, yeah?! :'''Zenigata''': Yeah! :'''Priest''': You shut up! :'''Zenigata''': Shut up! :'''Priest''': You shut up! :'''Zenigata''': You...! ==== Episode 40, Operation Missilejack ==== :'''Security System''': Please state today's code phrase. :'''Chief''': ''[in a completely serious tone]'' I want my daddy and mommy, I'm scared and I want to go home. :''[Lupin, who is disguised as the Chief's pet tiger, looks up at the Chief in confusion and astonishment]'' :'''Security System''': Voice print code and phrase confirmed. ---- :'''Fujiko''': ''[running a finger around Zenigata's face]'' I've been having the naughtiest dreams about you, you know that? And you know what I'm doing to you in those dreams? ''[She rips the plaster off of Zenigata's nose]'' ''This!'' :''[Zenigata screams through gritted teeth. Around a corner, Lupin tries to stifle giggles]'' ==== Episode 41, Find Princess Kaguya's Treasure ==== :'''Fujiko''': You ever heard of anything so ridiculous in your life? ''[She sees Lupin staring deliriously ahead and gibbering with Kaguya's bottle resting on his tongue and hearts in his eyes]'' Ugh. Ask a stupid question. ---- :'''Kaguya''': Nice little streak, but all good things come to an end. :'''Jigen''': Well, if the end I'd be coming to is yours, then hey, count me in. ---- :'''Fujiko''': Now it's a dragon's liver. What is she, some kind of refugee from a friggin' fairy tale? Well, she'll regret not inviting me to the ball. ---- :'''Jigen''': Here, mer-y-mer-y-mer-y maid. I don't even know what any of these damn things is supposed to look like. ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[seeing the mermaid]'' Is that a shark? If it is, it's got a great rack. ---- :'''Fujiko''': Now, for the last time, do you want to know where Lupin is or not? :'''Zenigata''': Of course. I flew all the way over here, didn't I? Start talking. :'''Fujiko''': The Himalayas. :'''Zenigata''':... The ''what?'' :''[Out in the Himalayas, Lupin walks up the mountain with his guide, merrily singing]'' :'''Lupin''': ''Edelweiss, edelweiss, you look happy to greet me. Edel- uh, uh...'' ''[He sneezes]'' ---- :'''Goemon''': ''[exiting a dragon's mouth, carrying its liver]'' Wait a minute. Did I leave my wallet in there?... Crap. ---- :''[Lupin charges out of the tent, swinging a baseball bat. He swings at the yeti, but it dodges, and Lupin falls on his face in the snow. He swings again and again at the yeti, but it backs away and keeps dodging. He falls into a snowdrift and swings the bat around blindly]'' :'''Lupin''': Where'd you go, you son of a bitch?! You can't hide from me! :''[He hits the yeti's leg. It cries in pain. Lupin looks up out of the snowdrift and beams triumphantly]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[mockingly]'' Not so scary now, are you, you big ape? Aww, you want your mommy? Big wussy. Look at you. You should be ashamed of yourself. :''[A tear forms in the yeti's eye]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[realizing he's not using the right tone]'' Uh, no, wait, I mean... That's wrong. ''[He holds out the bottle to the yeti's eye]'' Just let it out, baby. No need to be stoic. That's right. You have yourself a good cry. Come on. It's all right. ''[Several frozen tears fall into the bottle. He looks at the frozen tears]'' Wow, that's not really a whole lot. Might have to hit you again. ''[The yeti bawls. An avalanche starts, and Lupin runs down the mountain]'' Damn it! Why couldn't I just leave well enough alone?! ---- :'''Jigen''': Hey, so what happened with the whole retreaty fasting thing? :'''Goemon''': Uh, well, I got hungry, and... Hey, I'm stuck out here. Could you give me a lift? :'''Jigen''': Hop in. I'm in sort of a hurry. ---- :'''Kaguya''': ''[seeing the frozen Lupin]'' What happened? Is he...? :'''Sherpa''': He'll be fine. But he said to give this to you. ''[He hands Kaguya the bottle with the frozen tears in it]'' :'''Kaguya''': And you're sure that these are the tears of the Yeti? :'''Sherpa''': I saw it. And the curse of the Yeti came down on him swiftly. :'''Kaguya''': That's so... sweet. :''[She kisses Lupin on the cheek. The young man blushes so furiously that steam rises from his head and shoulders]'' ---- :'''Goemon''': ''[seeing the frozen Lupin]'' ''That'' can't be comfortable. ---- :'''Jigen''': Hey, I know you guys think ''I'm'' a misogynist, but it's not exactly a red-letter day for ''your'' side of the argument. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[after being thawed out on a spit]'' Just great! You think you know a guy, then you turn around and he tries to eat you! ---- :'''Lupin''': Wow, a real sleeping prince... just like Tchaikovsky's! ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[about Kaguya]'' Goemon, look, I know she lied to us and everything, but come on. Cut her a break. Have a heart. :'''Goemon''': I'm not angry with her, it's that damn Fujiko I want to kill! ---- :'''Lupin''': ''Hey!! Fujiko!!'' :'''Fujiko''': Lupin, I can't share it with you! I don't know if there's enough for two! :'''Lupin''': '''I don't want any!''' ''Do you know what it is?! Do you?!?'' :'''Fujiko''': Yeah, an eternal youth potion of some kind. Why else would she want it? :'''Lupin''': You idiot! Kaguya had that created for her very sick husband! He's in a coma! :''[Fujiko gasps, horrified, at the terrible thing she's done]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': Yeah, it sucks being deceived like that, but at least it was all for a good cause. :'''Goemon''': Yes, well, perhaps that is true, but still, the act of betrayal by Fujiko was unforgivable and merits the very harshest punishment. :'''Jigen''': Here, here! :'''Fujiko''': Lupin, I think he really means it! :'''Lupin''': She's sorry! Really! She's learned her lesson this time, haven't you, Fujicakes? :''[Fujiko starts hiccuping, then flaps her arms uncontrollably. The potion has given her an unbelievably high amount of energy, like a caffeine buzz]'' :'''Lupin''': Uh... :'''Jigen''': It's not real harsh, maybe, but it sure as hell's funny. ---- :''[Lupin is in his hotel room, sleeping peacefully. Fujiko pounds on his door]'' :'''Fujiko''': ''[from outside]'' Lupin! Come on! I still can't sleep! Hey, come on! Wake up! Hey, Lupin! I'm bored! :''[Lupin sits up in bed]'' :'''Lupin''': Aw man, when the hell's this potion ever gonna wear off? :'''Fujiko''': I know you're in there! Let me in! Let's go dancing! :'''Lupin''' ''[burying his head back under the covers]'' I'm too tired to appreciate the irony. :'''Fujiko''': Come on, Lupin! ==== Episode 42, Lupin becomes a Bride ==== :'''Fujiko''': I never thought of you as the golddigger type, but it suits you somehow. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Looks like it's just you and me. ''[Lupin jumps over the railing, does a somersault in the air and grabs the hook to swing to the other side of the hull]'' LUPIIIIN! Damn it all, get back here! You're under arrest! ---- :'''Onabes''': Alright, I warned you, Mr. Zenigata. Now I'm afraid I'm going to have to insist that you leave the ship. :'''Zenigata''': ''[as he is dragged away by security]'' No! Mr. Onabes! Please! Hey! I can explain! This is all her fault! I mean, his fault! You see, she's... ---- :'''Onabes''': Amore! :'''Lupin''': What does that mean? :'''Onabes''': It means: "I want you, I must have you! Let me take you and start a family!" :''[He tackles the flabbergasted Lupin]'' :'''Onabes''': I absolutely refuse to let you up, Miss Mary, unless you promise to marry me! :'''Lupin''': WHAT? That's impossible! :''[Onabes forcefully kisses Lupin]'' :'''Lupin''': Damn it! :''[He slaps Onabes, then flips him over in a judo grip]'' :'''Lupin''': Just snap out of it! :'''Onabes''': Oh yes, flip me like a hamburger, baby! :''[Lupin covers his mouth and flees]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': I'm not even a friggin' woman! :'''Onabes''': Oh well, nobody's perfect. :''[Realizing he can't win, Lupin jumps down from the mast and lands on the deck. His makeup is now a mess]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[frazzled]'' All right! You win! I give up! But premarital sex is out of the question! ---- :'''Jigen''': He's a guy, Lupin, and you're a guy! And if you were that kind of guy, well, you could have friggin' told somebody! ==== Episode 43, Where Are the Peking Man's Bones ==== ==== Episode 44, The Vanishing Special Armored Car ==== :'''Lupin''': ''[as Zenigata]'' I do admit to sort of a perverse admiration. :'''Zenigata''': Admiration, my ass! Why don't you just admit it?! You ''ARE'' in love with the guy! And you always have been, haven't you? You big egomaniac! ---- :'''Jigen''': Friggin' birds can't get close to that thing, and I don't think I can pull off the backless look, either. I mean, not that it doesn't look absolutely stunning on you or anything, but it does take a certain androgynous quality, you know? :'''Lupin''': I swear, I'll beat you with your own hat. ''[Jigen laughs]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': Man, sure could have used Goemon's Zantetsu sword this time, huh? :''[Jigen sees a figure sitting on a crate]'' :'''Jigen''': Hmm? :'''Lupin''': I said, Goemon's sword would have come in handy! :''[Jigen recognizes the figure as Zenigata]'' :'''Jigen''': Huh? :'''Lupin''': I know, it's a bummer, but it's no use crying over spilled milk. We just gotta... :'''Jigen''': Lupin! You'd better get up here! ---- :'''Zenigata''': What's the matter, Lupin? Don't tell me I've stumped ya! I don't think I can take the shock! ''[He laughs, then starts suffocating]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': Yeah, that man's the last of a dying breed, Jigen. :'''Jigen''': You can say that again. :'''Lupin''': Kind of like u... ah... ah, ah, ah... ''[He sneezes]'' :'''Jigen''': Serves you right. I mean, uh, didn't your mama ever tell you not to go out without your pants on? :''[Lupin sees he's only wearing his boxers]'' :'''Lupin''': Oh, man. :''[They laugh]'' ==== Episode 48, Lupin Laughs while the Alarm Bell Rings ==== :''[Zenigata is woken by the telephone and answers it]'' :'''Zenigata''': Zenigata. :'''Lupin''': Hey, man. How's it hanging? :'''Zenigata''': I was just... :'''Lupin''': I refer to that big wad of drool hanging from your chin, you slacker. Then again, in your dreams is the only place you'll ever catch me. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[sneezing]'' You know, I think the whole thing went pretty well. :'''Jigen''': ''[sneezing]'' And that was really the best plan you could think of? :'''Lupin''': Gotta keep your eye on the prize. After all, the whole idea was to divert his attention. Remember that. And that's what counts. :'''Goemon''': Because now, Zenigata's gonna be practically living on that boat until they recover our bodies. :'''Lupin''': Exactly. ''[He sneezes again]'' ---- :''[One of the money bags gets stuck in a pulley]'' :'''Jigen''': Son of a bitch. Wouldn't you know it? Last one? :'''Lupin''': Stay cool, man. We'll get it. Easy does it now. :''[As they try to get the back through, one of the suction cups on the ceiling comes loose]'' :'''Jigen''': Damn piece of crap. :''[The suction cup unsticks, but Lupin and Jigen pull on the rope before the bag hits the floor. They sigh with relief]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[fearing the worst about Lupin]'' Good heavens, what have I done? ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[previewing the next episode]'' Next time I fall in love with Jackie O. Or maybe not. I don't know. My head hurts. It kind of looks like her and sure looks like love. Walking in the rain, putting on a little show for perverts with binoculars. Oh, he's not? He's trying to kill me? Actually, you know, that kind of adds a touch of kink. Anyway, catch you later in ''Snake Charmer''. ==== Episode 50, Lupin Whom I Loved, Part 1 ==== :'''Cornelia''': The constellations of the winter sky are dominated by the brilliant and dynamic figure of Orion. Legend has it, he was a powerfully built young huntsman of exceptional skill, whose love for the daughter of the treacherous king nearly spelled his doom. :''[As the audience the planetarium in rapt attention, Lupin sits in his seat, bored out of his mind and nearly falling asleep. He yawns]'' :'''Lupin''': If only Fujiko were here. This would be a very romantic date, but... Oh, well. It oughta begin in a minute. ---- :'''Jigen''': So, did you have the beef or the fish? That's what you get for being the inside man. ---- :''[Fujiko sees a flame beside her as she's driving and tries to light her cigarette with it]'' :'''Fujiko''': Thanks. :''[She turns around and sees that it was a zombie who lit the flame]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': Our hearts were beating like crazy. :'''Jigen''': This before or after you left the cell? :'''Lupin''': Just let me finish, willya? ---- :'''Lupin''': I don't know which is worse, that she's alive and doesn't remember me, or that she's here. ---- :''[Japanese original; Jigen gives up fighting the zombies and makes a run for it]'' :'''Goemon''': Jigen, where are you going? :'''Jigen''': Don't make me say what would hurt my pride! :'''Goemon''': Are we running away? :'''Jigen''': What choice have we got? ---- :''[English dub]'' :'''Goemon''': Jigen, wait! Where are you going? :'''Jigen''': I have absolutely no friggin' idea! :'''Goemon''': You mind if I come along? ==== Episode 53, The Mad Fantoma Mark III ==== :''[Lupin and Jigen stand face to face in their living rooms, hands at the ready]'' :'''Lupin''': So, this is it, huh? It's come to this. :'''Jigen''': Yep. 'Fraid so, Lupin. :'''Lupin''': Think you can take me on? :'''Jigen''': You said it yourself a million times, Lupin. I'm the quickest draw on the planet. :'''Lupin''': Next to me, that is. :'''Jigen''': Oh, man, this will be sweet. :''[Goemon gives the signal, and the two draw their remote controls. The TV switches back and forth between footage of a soap opera and what looks like Django]'' :'''Goemon''': I think we really need to get a second TV. :'''Lupin''': Hey, I've never missed a single episode of ''Housewives Theater'' in fifteen years and I'm not starting now. :'''Jigen''': That's too damn bad, pal. There's a first time for everything. Anyway, it's Spaghetti Western Sunday on Channel 5. :''[Lupin and Jigen continue switching between channels]'' :'''Jigen''': Dang! :'''Lupin''': No, no, there it is! :'''Jigen''': We're watching this! :'''Lupin''': Hey! No! :'''Jigen''': Would you come on? :'''Lupin''': There! :'''Jigen''': What are you...? :''[The TV goes to static]'' :'''Lupin''': No! :'''Jigen''': What the...? Oh, that's just great. :'''Lupin''': Stop it! Wonderful. Now look what you've done. :'''Jigen''': Yeah? You started it. ==== Episode 54, Detective Hanshichi's Ten-Year-Old Promise==== :'''Chief''': ''[as Zenigata bites sheepishly into his hat]'' Well, Zenigata. Look what happened. We did as you said, left with Hanshichi, and you, and the whole damn thing blew up in our faces. Now, what would you do if you were in my position, Inspector? ---- :'''Lupin''': Damn, he snookered us, the old fart! ==== Episode 57, Will It Be the Computer or Lupin? ==== :'''Zenigata''': Good gravy, this place sure goes on and on. ==== Episode 58, The Border is the Face of Farewell ==== :'''Zenigata''': ''[with a tear in his eye]'' These Russkies aren't very friendly, are they? ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[previewing the next episode]'' This next one's just too weird for words. It's sort of 'Twilight Zone' meets 'House of Wax' meets an exhausted writing staff under deadline pressure. ==== Episode 59, The Mysterious World of Madame X ==== :'''Zenigata''': ''[covered in glue]'' Mother said there would be days like this. Just not this many. Good thing I'm so undauntable, 'cause this kind of thing could really drive you crazy! ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[rubbing his eye]'' Man, I'm beat. ---- :'''Jigen''': Something's not right. :'''Goemon''': It just isn't like him. :'''Jigen''': I know. It's been two days now without even a word, and usually the problem is you can't shut him up. ---- :'''Lupin''': That crazy lady's gonna turn us all into wax figures. Even Fujiko. They got her upstairs, locked up. :''[His eyes fill with tears]'' :'''Jigen''': Hey, don't! Come on! Get a hold of yourself. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Bet you haven't even tried the most obvious thing. :''[He reaches for the doorknob]'' :'''Lupin''': No! Hold it, Pops! Wait! :''[Zenigata turns the doorknob and starts to sink into the floor]'' :'''Zenigata''': Help me! Please! :'''Jigen''': What the hell's going on here, Lupin? :'''Lupin''': Unfortunately, this kind of thing happens all the time around here. She's like some kind of evil witch. :'''Jigen''': ''[lifting Zenigata out]'' That's just great. Either of you guys wanna lend a hand? ---- :'''Lupin''': Uh, Goemon? :'''Goemon''': You need to remain calm. :'''Zenigata''': All right, you guys calm down. ''I'll'' freak out! :''[He runs away]'' ====Episode 61, The Flying Zantetsuken==== :'''Lupin''': ''[tipsy on bourbon]'' Come on, you knew we were drunks when you married us! :'''Jigen''': ''[also happily wasted on the bourbon]'' You know the truly great part? I don't care if I ever get better! :'''Fujiko''': ''[smiling craftily]'' Don't you tempt fate. It can be cruel. ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[answering the phone]'' Good morning. Zenigata speaking. ''WHAT?! IN A HOTEL IN BROAD DAYLIGHT?! WHO THE HELL IS THIS?!'' :'''Lupin''': ''[disguising his voice with an accent]'' The point is, he's here now. Aloha. ---- :''[Goemon tries to hang and shoot himself at the same time]'' :'''Lupin''': No, Goemon, stop! :'''Jigen''': Take it easy, man. :'''Goemon''': She may have put the sleeping pills in the drink, but it was I who kept asking for more. And now the sword, my very soul as a samurai, is gone! :'''Lupin''': I egged... you on! :'''Goemon''': It doesn't matter! The responsibility is solely my own! Don't force me to live in shame, Lupin! That's worse than death to me! ''[He sobs]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[while visiting Goemon in jail]'' Goemon, I don't know what's bugging you, but you haven't eaten for a week and that's not good for ya. I went to a lot of trouble to get that Japanese food brought in here. Please! Tell me you're not trying to starve yourself. That would be really bad for your health and my conscience. ---- :'''Lupin''': Hey, uh, Goemon? You know, technically, boneheaded stunts don't count as harakiri. ====Episode 62, The Sound of the Devil's Bells Call Lupin==== :''[Zenigata sees Lupin exit carrying a bunch of weapons]'' :'''Zenigata''': Uh, listen. Uh, you'd better come along with me right now. :'''Lupin''': Pops, I can't play right now. Sorry. Gotta go. Take care. :'''Zenigata''': Wait! Lupin! Hey! :''[Lupin springs into his Mercedes]'' :'''Zenigata''': Not so fast, wise guy! ''[He launches himself at the car and throws his handcuffs forward. As Lupin drives off, Zenigata finds that he's handcuffed several sticks of lit dynamite. He realizes what it is and runs off]'' Help! Somebody help! :''[The dynamite explodes as Lupin drives off down the road]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': So that's it, Gemarschaft. Looks just like any other peaceful, boring village. ''[He drives further into the seemingly empty village, gets out and looks around]'' Hmm, did I say peaceful? More like comatose. ---- :'''Lupin''': I gotta admit, I did have an unusually peaceful sleep last night. ''[He pulls out a pair of earplugs]'' Modern technology's really a wonderful thing. ---- :''[Sister Lavinia seemingly shoots Lupin's head off, and to her surprise he starts running off without it]'' :'''Lupin''': Sorry, sister. Didn't mean to lose my head. Toodles! ---- :''[Lupin blasts the bubble with a couple of missiles from his Mercedes]'' :'''Lupin''': And that is that. ''[To his astonishment, the bubble reforms]'' Aw, man. That may not be that. ---- :'''Lupin''': Okay, pal. Catch me if you can. ''[The bubble emerges underwater]'' Damn! I didn't mean it! ---- :'''Lavinia''': So, Lupin, do you see now that it's futile to try to escape from here? :''[Lupin stands up in a daze and knocks on his head several times]'' :'''Lavinia''': Last chance, now. Would you care to accept our invitation and join our brotherhood? :''[Lupin scowls defiantly]'' :'''Lupin''': You heard me, sister. No-one's gonna tell me how to live my life. ---- :'''Jigen''': Why do I feel like I just had a real bad dream? :'''Lupin''': Hey, Jigen, I was living in your bad dream. ====Episode 65, Lupin's Enemy is Lupin==== :'''Lupin''': Anyway, we'll find out as soon as we break in there. :'''Jigen''': [sarcastically] Oh, yeah. Great plan. We break into the place. Don't know why I didn't think of that. :'''Lupin''': This from a man who just came from dining on curry fit only for the immortals. We're blessed. It'll be a piece of cake. :''[Jigen laughs]'' ---- :'''Jigen''': What the...? Where did my hand go? :'''Lupin''': [panicked] Your hand?! :''[Jigen's hand emerges from its sleeve]'' :'''Jigen''': [relieved] Had me worried there. :'''Lupin''': ''[angrily punching Jigen in the stomach]'' Jigen, don't you ever do that to me again! :'''Jigen''': Sorry, man. ---- :'''Mr. X''': Damn it! How did you know I wasn't the real Lupin? :'''Jigen''': 'Cause the real Lupin would never say something all sappy and noble like "Kill me if you're my friend." He'd be squealing for his life like a little girl. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[imitating Mr. X]'' And our long story comes to a happy ending! ''[He cackles]'' :'''Jigen''': ''[drawing his gun, thinking Mr. X tricked him into killing Lupin]'' Bastard! :'''Lupin''': Kidding! Kidding! Just messin' with ya! ====Episode 66, Shooting Orders!==== :'''Jigen''': Speaking of accuracy, I noticed something about that gun that Beauty was waving around yesterday. It's got a venturi built on it, and that's used for cooling the barrel so that the heat won't affect your aim. It's state of the art. Your Walther P-38 was originally manufactured all the way back in the 1930s. All I'm saying is, Beauty's got a .44 Colt A. Python that was made only a few years ago, and that's the difference. You do the math, Lupin. ---- :'''Lupin''': The sun, it's setting. ''[He coughs]'' Seems kind of early for it. But I guess it's... ''[He coughs again]'' ... Just my time. ''[He faints]'' :'''Fujiko''': ''[thinking he died]'' No, it isn't, Lupin! It's not your time yet! ---- :'''Lupin''': Listen to you guys! Bitch, bitch, bitch! Look at me! What the hell's going on? I'm fine, so what's with the funeral? Well?! ---- :'''Jigen''': Was it, uh, supposed to work like that? :'''Lupin''': I'm not a chemist or anything, you know, but I think I might've added a little too much explosive. Probably shouldn't do that kind of thing when you're in a bad mood. ====Episode 69, The Woman the Old Man Fell in Love With==== :'''Zenigata''': Some billionaire bites the big one, so what? Would he care if ''I'' died? ---- :'''Lupin''': Hey, guys. Shouldn't we be out stealing something, or running for our lives, or, uh... I dunno, something? I feel like I'm in a rest home here. ---- :'''Lupin''': Whoa! Get a load of this! It's Pops, and he's being chased by somebody. And there's a girl with him, and she's hot! What the hell is wrong with this picture? :'''Jigen''': Well, if you're right, it's the end of the friggin' world! ---- :'''Zenigata''': I'm prepared to beg if I have to! You gotta help Laura! She's caught in a jam! My pride doesn't matter to me, only Laura's safety! ---- :''[Japanese original]'' :'''Lupin''': By the way, Pops, how come you're going out of your way like this for her? :'''Zenigata''': Well, it's because... :'''Lupin''': You're in love with her, aren't you? :'''Zenigata''': ''[blushing furiously]'' D-d-don't be ridiculous! I'm a public servant! :''[He gives Lupin a playful shove. Lupin points to Laura]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[grinning mischievously at Zenigata]'' There she is! :'''Zenigata''': ''[bashfully covering his face with his hat]'' Oh, come on, Lupin! ---- :'''Fujiko''': Lying on that alleviates your stomach thing? :'''Cabane''': I didn't get to where I am today by taking a lot of stuff for granted. Get what I mean? I ain't movin' until I unlock this! :'''Fujiko''': What a big pain in the butt. :'''Cabane''': Hey! Speak up, I can't hear you! :'''Fujiko''': Oh! Uh, never mind. Just some girl stuff, is all. :''[The camera pans down to reveal that "Fujiko" has hairier legs than usual]'' ---- :'''Jigen''': Pops. I... We tried. I'm sorry. Anyway, Lupin's alive. Look, if you wanna get those bastards, hop in. ''[Zenigata gets in, and glances for a moment at Fujiko, who is bound and gagged in the back seat]'' If you're a little surprised to see Fujiko here, we'll fill you in. ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[over the tape]'' Never, Laura. :'''Laura''': ''[over the tape]'' Oh, I love to hear you say my name. Say it again. :''[From out of the corner of his eye, Lupin notices Cabane's men howling and whooping at him]'' :'''Cabane''': Shaddap! :''[The men immediately stop and try to look professional]'' ---- :'''Goemon''': I, Goemon Ishikawa, say to you: Ha ha! ====Episode 71, Lupin vs. the Shinsengumi==== :''[Lupin drives past a police car, laughing. The police officer notices him and turns to Zenigata, who is resting in the front passenger seat]'' :'''Police Officer''': The guy in the convertible that just went by seemed kinda strange. :'''Zenigata''': Let him go. I'm not in this one. :''[He gives his colleague a little smile, then yawns]'' :'''Police Officer''': 'Kay. ====Episode 72, The Skateboard Murder Mystery==== :'''Jigen''': You didn't... I mean, you wouldn't...? :'''Lupin''': Aw man, you too? Look, I friggin' saved the guy! :'''Jigen''': Yeah, good luck convincing Boronco's men of that. :'''Lupin''': ''[grumbling]'' D'ah, friggin... d'ahh! ''[He sees the blockade]'' Hey, they've already blocked the street off! Hang on, Jigen! :''[Lupin swerves through the blockade, but one of Boronco's men fires a couple of canisters of knockout gas into the car]'' :'''Lupin''': I always thought I missed my true calling as a stunt driver in action movies, you know? ''[He sees Jigen coughing]'' Huh? :'''Guard''': Well that oughta knock 'em out. :''[Boronco arrives in on his skateboard]'' :'''Bolonco''': How'd everything go, Officer? :'''Guard''': Just like a dream. :''[Boronco goes over to Lupin and Jigen, who are completely knocked out]'' ---- :'''Lupin and Jigen''': ''[playing a clapping game]'' Eighty eight days now in the spring, summer's upon us so everyone sing: Pat a cake, pat a cake, baker's man, bake me a cake as fast as you can! :''[They push the halves of the truck apart and dive out of it]'' ---- :'''Jigen''': Huh. I never heard of a football coming with a timer. ''[He places the football to his ear]'' Hmm... :'''Goemon''': Jigen! They don't! :'''Jigen''': ''[panicked]'' Friggin' hell! That means that this thing... This thing here is a... :''[The football explodes]'' :'''Lupin''': Damn! That's it! That little Boronco brat has picked the wrong playmate this time! :'''Goemon''': If you keep thinking of him as just as a kid, then he's gonna keep on playing with you until he wins! ---- :'''Scientist''': Excuse me, Boronco, but this is the fake sapphire you ordered. :'''Boronco''': There's no way he could have...? ---- :''[thanks to Lupin and Fujiko's squabbling, the group ends up losing the Eye of Solomon]'' :'''Goemon''': I'm reconsidering my membership in this whole enterprise! :'''Jigen''': Can you reconsider mine, too? ---- :'''Zenigata''': Stop! You're under arrest, Lupin! You hear me? Just pull over now... Or not! I gotta admit, I really love the chase. :'''Lupin''': I sure wish ''he'd'' reconsider his role in this whole enterprise. ====Episode 73, Flowers and Storms and a Thieves' Race==== :''[Lupin throws his empty food box out of the car]'' :'''Jigen''': Hey, hey! Set an example, will ya? There's kids watching. :''' Lupin''': What are you saying? I put it in the trash. :''[Lupin's trash is seen carelessly disposed on top of a garbage truck]'' ---- :'''Tokumitsu''': Tokumitsu here, reporting live from the scene of the crispy carnage that earlier today thrilled audiences around the world. And a spellbinding barbecue it was, too. Oh, but don't just take my word for it. We have a badly wounded survivor of the tragedy with us. Perhaps I can get him to talk to us. Pardon the interruption, but on a scale of one to ten, ten being the highest, how much pain are you in? ''[The wounded man gives a dying groan]'' Well, thank you very much, and best of luck from all of us on your imminent death. ---- :'''Jigen''': All this co-piloting's kinda exhausting. Think I'll take me a little nap. You can wake me up when we get to heaven. And if we end up in the other place, just let me sleep. ====Episode 74, The Terrifying Chameleon Man==== :'''Lupin''': ''[about the diamond]'' Now I can't seem to decide if I should let Pops lick this thing or not. :'''Fujiko''': Can we vote on it? ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[playing cards with a dozing Jigen]'' Pathetic. Can't even beat him asleep. :'''Goemon''': ''[waiting for the mysterious lurker to arrive]'' I think we may be waiting for Godot. ---- :'''Lupin''': You know, in all these years, you've never given me a simple goodnight kiss. :'''Fujiko''': Just the cheek. Wouldn't want to arouse you. :'''Lupin''': Any old cheek you want, I've got four! ---- :'''Fujiko''': Buy a Q-tip, will you? That's really gross. Better luck next time. :'''Lupin''': Huh...? Of all the friggin'... ''Earwax?!?'' ''[He sits on his bed, angrily pulls off his shoes and tosses them out the room, inadvertently hitting the two chameleon men]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': It's alright, it's just a party favor. Happy New Year. ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[while watching Zenigata chase after insects]'' Real shame you had to whittle down that diamond. It's three months of bug-eating for him. :'''Goemon''': I don't know. I think he enjoys feeling like a kid again. :''[Lupin walks by covered in yellow flowers, humming to himself]'' :'''Jigen''': Hey, what's with the Woodstock get-up, nature boy? :'''Lupin''': Shh! It's just camouflage. Don't tell her, okay? :''[Lupin lies down on the ground and hides among the flowers, waiting for Fujiko]'' :'''Goemon''': ''[sighing]'' He never ''stopped'' being a kid. ====Episode 75, Fujiko Doesn't Look Good in a Wedding Dress==== :'''Jigen''': You're not acting like a man, you're acting like a little kid who's seen too many cornball chick flicks! ---- :'''Fujiko''': Lupin, it's me. What the hell's going on? Where am I? :'''Lupin''': Finally! Damn, you're a heavy sleeper. What do you mean, where are you? You're in Hafner's mansion. ---- :''[During a gunfight, Jigen gets his hat shot off]'' :'''Jigen''': Damn it! :''[He tries to retrieve it but a hail of bullets keeps him away]'' :'''Goemon''': Sorry, but you're going to have to finish this one without your hat! Now come on! :'''Jigen''': They've got no idea what terrible fury they've just unleashed... ---- :'''Jigen''': Great. Friggin' chlorine's gonna bleach my hat. ---- :'''Fujiko''': I'm still in mourning, you know. And I've got assets to go through. ====Episode 76, Do You Know Shakespeare?==== :'''Jigen''': Yeah, just my luck. Snow in Venice, of all places. I'll bet the sun comes out the minute I drag my sorry ass out of here. :'''Angelica''': Excuse me, are you all right? :'''Jigen''': Yeah, I always talk to myself. ---- :'''Jigen''': Turns out the car was hers. A nice one. A Rolls. I mean, I owe her something for blowing it up. :'''Goemon''': I can't help feeling there's more to the story. :'''Lupin''': ''[grinning mischievously]'' And we got a whole lot of extra time. Come on, Jigen. Cough it up. :'''Jigen''': ''[shyly]'' It's just... Look, I've told you the part I'm okay talking about. ---- :''[Angelica searches the ruins and starts off at a run]'' :'''Jigen''': Hey, Angelica, wait! Where are you going? ''[Angelica sees bodies crushed beneath the rubble]'' :'''Angelica''': Oh, God... It's too horrible! ''[She runs through the ruins]'' :'''Jigen''': ''[deeply concerned and afraid for Angelica's life]'' Wait! There may be unexploded bombs! Angelica, please stay where you are! Angelica, listen to me! It's not safe! ''[Angelica doesn't listen to Jigen and keeps running]'' Hey! Just come back! You'll get hurt! ''[Angelica accidentally steps on a bomb. Jigen runs towards her]'' Angelica! Angelica! Damn it! :''[Angelica opens her eyes]'' :'''Angelica''': Don't swear. :'''Jigen''': Why would someone like you ever become a nun anyway? Gotta help me with that. I mean, as I recall, your family was loaded. You were practically royalty. :'''Angelica''': Well, it's only fair I tell you, since you influenced my decision. But I'm happy, believe me. After you left, I was empty. So I devoted myself to God. Now I'm finally feeling his promise of peace has fulfilled in me. I'm in your arms again. I lived to see the doctor rescued. May you know peace, Jigen, my love. ''[She dies in his arms]'' :'''Jigen''': No! Angelica! :''[He cradles her body, sobbing]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': Sorry, sir, about your game. :'''President''': Bugger off. :''[the President and his assistant enter the helicopter] :'''Zenigata''': ''[confused]'' Uh, you just... ''[They slam the helicopter door]'' You go on ahead, sir. I'll take care of everything. ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[at Angelica's grave]'' All my skills, and I couldn't save ya. I'll have to live with that, but I doubt I'll come to any kinda peace with it. Pray for me. ====Episode 78, Diamonds Gleaming in the Robot's Eye==== :'''Lupin''': ''[drowsily answering the phone]'' The number you've dialed is no longer in service. Check your telephone directory or the information operator for the correct number and go to hell. ''[He hangs up, but the phone rings again and falls off the dresser. Lupin slithers out of bed and lies half out of it with his mouth near the reciever]'' You've reached Lupin's mouth. His brain is still asleep. Oh, then you prefer to speak to somebody else? Okay. ''JIGEN!! PHONE!! IT'S FOR YOU!!!'' ---- :''[Lupin, Jigen and Goemon carry the robot up the stairs]'' :'''Jigen''': I don't get it. None of Gavott's people seem to be anywhere around the place. :'''Lupin''': Got a problem with that? ---- :'''Lupin''': I mean, even if a thing like this worked, what would anyone use it for? You wouldn't happen to have a giant paperclip on you, would you? ''[He tests it]'' Not much of a super electro-magnet. ---- :'''Jigen''': Huh. "Dr. Pot's Patented Automatic Nose Blower. To activate, just hold in front of face." ''[A tiny hand comes up out of the box]'' Hey, get a load of this. It's cute. ''[The hand picks up a tissue and pinches Jigen hard on the nose]'' Oww! Ahh! Gahh! Damn it! ''[He pulls the box to try and get the thing off]'' ---- :'''Baby''': And just 'cause Gavotte let the doctor go doesn't mean he isn't gonna rub you guys out. ''[to Jigen]'' And you, I'm gonna pluck that beard off your face myself before he kills ya! ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[about the dismantled robot]'' Well, why don't we get to work on old Humpty Dumpty? :'''Fujiko''': That doesn't sound good. All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty together again. :'''Lupin''': Don't worry. I've done this twice before. :'''Goemon''': You've assembled a robot? :'''Lupin''': Nah. A ship and a tank. :'''Fujiko''': A ship and a tank? :'''Goemon''': That's really quite impressive. :'''Lupin''': Yeah, used to spend all my allowance on those hobby kits of model ships and tanks. :'''Goemon''': Huh? :'''Fujiko''': You mean you've been talking about ''model'' airplanes and toys? :'''Lupin''': ''[after completing the robot]'' Sure. Keeps a young man's hands out of trouble. ====Episode 79, Funeral March for Lupin==== :'''Jigen''': ''[hearing that the concert will have a jeweled baton]'' You know, Lupin, I don't know if I've told you, but I've been a big classical music fan ever since I was a kid. :'''Lupin''': What? You've always been a ballads kind of guy. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[nervously twiddling his thumbs]'' I never told you about this, Fujicakes, but I very nearly took up the bassoon. :''[Fujiko blows smoke in his face]'' :'''Fujiko''': And I very nearly took up with a baboon. :''[She throws her cigarette holder into Lupin's mouth]'' :'''Lupin''': Very funny. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[to Jigen, who is snoring in the seat next to him]'' Didn't you mention you were a fan of all this classical crap? :''[Jigen nods sleepily. Lupin yawns and dozes off as well]'' :'''Fujiko''': ''[to Goemon]'' But they could stay up all night for some kung-fu epic. ---- :'''Lupin''': Looks like Pops is getting serious. :'''Jigen''': Better hope so, 'cause if that ain't serious, I don't know what serious is. ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[after his hypnosis is over]'' Huh? Why the hell'd I pull this out? ---- :''[Goemon notices the couch he damaged while under hypnosis]'' :'''Goemon''': What in the world did I just do? :'''Jigen''': Nothing, just tried to Cuisinart us to death, pally! ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[about Kyoransky]'' Does he replace all those chandeliers every time he kills somebody? ---- :'''Fujiko''': ''[finding that Lupin had secretly removed her underwear]'' Stupid adolescent... ---- :''[Lupin is about to explain his plan to defeat Kyoransky]'' :'''Lupin''': Anyway, take a look at this. :''[He pulls out a ladle]'' :'''Jigen''': Okay, I don't understand. :'''Goemon''': It's a straining ladle for cooking. :'''Jigen''': I know that, but what are you gonna do? Challenge Kyoransky to a bake off? ---- :'''Zenigata''': Lupin, the masquerade's over! Take off the disguise! :'''Lupin''': Thanks a lot! This wig itches. ---- :'''Jigen''': That's a wrap. ---- :'''Kyoransky''': My father was Momanitt Mulchy. When he was alive, he was a master jeweler. But you killed him in cold blood. :'''Lupin''': I only kill in self-defense, which means I don't regret it. ---- :'''Lupin''': You see, I figured out how it is you managed to control with that glittering baton of yours. It emits a high-pitched sound, like a dog whistle. But, you see, the thing is, yours only produces a single tone, whereas mine, on the other hand, has, um... One, two, three... Boy, there's a lot. ---- :'''Zenigata''': You wanna fill me in on what just happened here? ====Episode 80, The Last Meal is a Cup Ramen==== :'''Goemon''': How come grifters never think they'll get grifted? ---- :'''Lupin''': Who put all this pepper in here? ---- :'''Warden''': After him! Lupin has escaped! Don't let him get away! :'''Zenigata''': ''[gleefully sarcastic]'' Yes, what a shame! Lupin has escaped! ====Episode 82, The Rescue Pops Operation==== :'''Zenigata''': Damn it, Lupin! I'm going to get killed because of you. I'm totally going to haunt you. :''[Lupin turns on a transmission]'' :'''Lupin''': I don't mind being haunted by a cute girl. Not sure about you, Pops. And I really feel for you guys, having to take care of a klutz like Pops! ---- :'''Zenigata''': Lupin! Do you want to make a fool out of me, Zenigata? I absolutely refuse to be exchanged as a hostage by the likes of you! :''[He kicks stuff around like an angry toddler. He finds a stick of dynamite that rolled out, then picks it up with his teeth and throws it into the fireplace. The terrorists panic and run for cover. Zenigata stands in the middle of the room, eyes shut tight, sweating profusely and bracing himself for death. No explosion comes. Zenigata's still alive. He looks behind his shoulder and sees that the dynamite was actually a dud with a microphone hid inside. One of the terrorists faints. The men angrily pile on Zenigata as he sinks, crying, to his knees]'' :'''Zenigata''': Shut up! :''[He kicks them away]'' :'''Zenigata''': I'm such a failure, I can't even die properly! :''[He cries and kicks his feet pathetically]'' ---- :'''Napoleon''': The reason why I decided to conquer the world was that it was too noisy for me to sleep in. ''[The gang looks at him, shocked]'' Quite ironic that I found the ideal place in that underground prison. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[tapping the face of Napoleon, who is disguised as him]'' Wow, what a heavy sleeper. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[disguised as Napoleon]'' Inspector Zenigata, why don't we make a deal? I hate Lupin for putting me through this. How would you like to capture him yourself? :'''Zenigata''': I'll take you up on that offer! :''[He rams into Lupin and shoves him into a bush]'' ---- :''[Zenigata sees the helicopter exploding in the distance, as Lupin, who is disguised as Napoleon, stands next to him]'' :'''Zenigata''': L... Lupin... :'''Lupin''': What's the matter? Aren't you pleased? :'''Zenigata''': ''[sniffling]'' I'm sad because a good man has died. :'''Lupin''': A good man? :''[Another explosion occurs. Zenigata breaks into a run]'' :'''Zenigata''': Lupin, if you're alive, let's fight again. :''[The smoke from the wreckage billows out. Zenigata stops suddenly. Lupin runs up beside him. As the musical cue 'Zenigata March' plays in the background, Zenigata stares in disbelief. He starts to cry and sinks to his knees]'' :'''Zenigata''': L... Lupin... We were on different sides of the law, but I liked you. :''[He collapses and beats the ground, sobbing. Lupin smiles warmly]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[in thought]'' I like you, too. ---- :'''Jigen''': Love isn't allowed in a man's world. :'''Lupin''': Come on, Jigen, don't be so mean. ====Episode 84, Leave Revenge to Lupin==== :'''Jigen''': ''[answering the phone]'' Huh? :'''Joe of Spade''': Jigen! I'm being chased! Help me! This is Joe! :'''Jigen''': Joe? What's the matter? Where are you? :'''Joe of Spade''': I'm in Maria's restaurant. :''[Joe's two pursuers kick the door open. Joe draws but isn't able to fire. He backs away in terror]'' :'''Jigen''': ''[over the phone]'' Joe, answer me! What's the matter with you, Joe? :'''Male voice''': [over the phone] Go to hell, you idiot! :''[From over the phone comes the sound of gunfire]'' :'''Jigen''': JOE! :''[Jigen's panicked cries wake Lupin, who sleepily shuffles out of his room, clutching a pillow. The international thief and criminal looks profoundly innocent standing in the doorway like this]'' :'''Lupin''': Jigen, what's going on? :'''Jigen''': It's bad. My mentor's going to get bumped off. :'''Lupin''': ''[half-asleep]'' Huh...? :'''Jigen''': He's a man named Joe of Spade... Lupin, will you go to Marseille with me? :''[Lupin responds with a loud yawn]'' :'''Lupin''': It's the middle of the night... :''[Jigen carries Lupin over his shoulder into the Mercedes and drives into the night with him in the front passenger seat]'' ---- :'''Chief''': Lupin III is a thief who was born in France. He has a clear head, and he's the grandson of Arsene Lupin. He's bound to be patriotic. :'''Zenigata''': Yes, he may be, slightly... ---- :''[Lupin appears in Joe's teleporter. His hair crackles with static and he wears a dazed expression]'' :'''Joe''': Lupin! What are you doing here? :''[He curiously walks over to Lupin to closely inspect him. The young man rolls out, curled up in a tight ball, in the middle of the room. Slowly, he unfolds his legs, then his arms, rolling onto his back, and then a sitting position. He sets his head straight, then pinches his cheek, then his nose, then his ears, then feels his eyes, his head and chin, squishes his cheeks, feels his mouth, and finally slaps his face before shaking his head. He sits, still in a daze, and blinks. He looks around]'' :'''Lupin''': Oh, Joe! That means the electric waves have successfully transmitted me! ==== Episode 87, When the Devil Beckons to Lupin ==== :''[The gang finds Lupin lying asleep in the middle of the road]'' :'''Fujiko''': ''[cradling him]'' Lupin! Hang on! :'''Goemon''': There's only one way to wake up from hypnosis. ''[He kicks Lupin squarely in the behind]'' ---- :'''Peter''': Have you even met the Gestapo? They're devils. They're barely even human! :'''Lupin''': ''[jokingly]'' I thought ''you'' were the devil. :'''Peter''': Shut up! Give me the diamond! ---- :'''Lupin''': Stop it, Peter! :'''Peter''': Welcome, Lupin. I'll kill you along with the rest. :''[He gets out a lighter. Lupin pulls out the Dragon's Tear]'' :'''Lupin''': So you don't want the Dragon's Tear? :'''Peter''': I have no need for that. From the beginning, all I wanted was to kill every one of those bastard Nazis. :'''Lupin''': ''[drawing his Walther]'' I can't let you do that! :''[They pause for a long time. Peter nears the lighter close to the fuse. Lupin shoots it away, then shoots one of the ropes. One of the stakes goes flying and impales Peter. The horrific sight causes Lupin to avert his eyes. The balloon floats away with Peter still impaled on the stake. Lupin and his gang sadly watch the balloon]'' ==== Episode 89, Play the Thieves' Symphony==== :''[Fujiko has seen Lupin dozing in his seat while listening to Beethoven's Eroica]'' :'''Fujiko''': Lupin, since when were you a fan of classical music? :'''Lupin''': Well, ''Eroica'' is a good lullaby, you know? ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[muted]'' Goemon, what's going on? :'''Goemon''': ''[muted]'' I don't know, but there are fleas around. I feel itchy. ---- :'''Lupin''': It's a silencer that silences all sound! Now we're almost in the nuclear safe. :'''Jigen''': Anyway, you can take a bath now. ---- :'''Jigen''': Hey, why don't you go out for a walk? Huh? ''[Lupin ignores him]'' I guess not. ---- :'''Jigen''': No matter what kind of art it may be, I don't appreciate it. ---- :'''Lupin''': Pops? :'''Zenigata''': Don't call me "Pops". I'm not your relative, Lupin. ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[mouth full of balloon]'' Wawawd! I wiw wewwewew wis. ---- :'''Lupin''': Music isn't all about ballads. ==== Episode 97, Find the Treasure of Lupin the First ==== :''[While Lupin is kissing Fujiko, he swallows something]'' :'''Lupin''': Did you just feed me something? :'''Fujiko''': ''[coyly]'' You're right. :'''Lupin''': ''[giggling]'' I get it. You wanna go all night, right? :'''Fujiko''': It's the opposite. :'''Lupin''': The opposite? :'''Fujiko''': It'll make you sleep like a log. :'''Lupin''': Sleep like a... :''[He tumbles out of the bed and passes out]'' ---- :''[Lupin, Jigen and Goemon are handcuffed to a tree branch by Zenigata]'' :'''Lupin''': Hey, Zenigata, what are you going to do with us? :'''Zenigata''': I'm not going to do anything. :'''Lupin''': You're not going to do anything? What do you mean? Why won't you arrest us? :'''Zenigata''': According to the findings from the ICPO investigation, three men suspected as killers are riding the airship Paradise, which is on a goodwill mission. One of the men is from America, one is from Britain and the third is from the USSR. And the target seems to be you, Lupin the Third. :'''Lupin''': Thanks for the information. But Pops, why are you going out of your way to help us? :''[Zenigata says nothing, but turns and silently walks away. He stops suddenly]'' :'''Zenigata''': I heard they have strange killing techniques. Be careful. :'''Lupin''': Now I understand why you showed us your capture technique. :'''Zenigata''': ''[suddenly acting like a tsundere]'' You idiot! What kind of policeman would do such a thing?... Good luck anyway. :'''Jigen and Goemon''': Good luck? :'''Lupin''': ''[smiling warmly]'' He's too nice to be a policeman. ---- :''[Lupin watches a walking doll grow into a giant]'' :'''Lupin''': It's so big! Call it off! ''[He flees through the doorway]'' Stop, stop, stop! ''[The doll crashes through, breaking down the wall]'' Big ladies aren't my type! No means no! ''[He's backed against another wall. The doll tries to make a grab for him]'' This is the opposite of stopping! We're not a good match! We'd stand out! ''[The doll slips and falls on top of him]'' Help! I can't breathe! Come on, help me out of here! :'''Rasputan''': This is the special dummy I had prepared for you. :''[The doll shrinks back to its normal size]'' :'''Lupin''': That was bad. :''[He watches the doll walking as Rasputan laughs]'' :''' ==== Episode 98, The Day the Old Man Died ==== :'''Lupin''': Sure would be nice, going up to Heaven with Pops, hand in hand. ---- :''[Zenigata wakes up underwater and surfaces in the Seine]'' :'''Lupin''': Good grief! Pops is alive! :'''Zenigata''': Lupin! You're under arrest! :'''Lupin''': What's going on here? :'''Jigen''': No idea. :'''Goemon''': ''[hearing Truffaut's men]'' They're coming. :''[The gang jumps into the river. Lupin knocks Zenigata out with a stick as he does so]'' :'''Lupin''': You play dead now, Pops. ---- :'''Goemon''': ''[to Truffaut]'' I feel sorry for the officer you killed. His parents are still alive. :'''Zenigata''': ''[in tears]'' He was my shooting teacher at ICPO! A very kind officer! That's why he used the tranquilizer bullet on me. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Lupin... Thank you. ==== Episode 104, The Most Dangerous Golden Bed ==== :'''Butler''': May I ask who this is? :'''Zenigata''': I'm the man on this card. :''[He presents his business card, which has the name "Kouichi Zenigata" written on it]'' :'''Zenigata''': I'm Inspector Zenigata from Japan! :''[He dutifully salutes]'' :'''Morgan''': I didn't ask the Japanese police to assist me. ==== Episode 106, You're a Cat, I'm a Dried Tuna ==== :'''Vivian''': ''[to the camera]'' Oh, I shouldn't have lied. :'''Zenigata''': What were you saying just now? :'''Vivian''': Uh, nothing... ---- :'''Lupin''': Why would I steal a pencil-eating cat? ---- :'''Lupin''': My life needs excitement, not cuteness. ---- :'''Goemon''': It's just a kids' newspaper. ---- :''[Jigen whittles at a pencil, meowing]'' :'''Jigen''': Meow, I said! ''[He puts the shavings underneath a basket as a trap]'' Can I really catch it this way? ''[He goes to hide behind a chimney and waits. Some time later, Jigen dozes off]'' ---- :'''Bucky''': A famous person wasting time for a lost cat must be very rich. ---- :'''Goemon''': I can't do something this silly anymore. :'''Fujiko''': Me neither. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[putting the cat in a letterbox]'' Post! ''[The young man hides in an alleyway as Bucky, Butcher and Vivian run past. A mailman drives by Lupin on a motorcycle and hands him a package. He opens it and the cat emerges. It jumps onto his shoulder affectionately]'' Why me? ---- :'''Lupin''': Stop the noise! ''[He makes faces at the cat, like a parent would to a baby]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': You're a strange cat. How is this tasty? ''[He tries one of the "pencil shavings" and finds it to have a familiar taste. He inspects the shavings closer]'' This is dried tuna. ---- :'''Lupin''': Go on! Go away. Shoo, shoo! Shoo! Shoo! Go on. You rascal. ''[The cat, in its unconditional love for Lupin, starts to walk away, but decides it will refuse to leave him and walks back towards him]'' I'm a dog. ''[The cat, who doesn't speak or understand human and finds Lupin entertaining, meows with delight and jumps onto his leg]'' Oh, good grief. ---- :'''Zenigata''': I don't care about the cat. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Alright, let's retreat. :'''Vivian''': This is... Mr. Dorogata, that's my cat! Please, search harder! :'''Zenigata''': The name's ''Zeni''gata. ==== Episode 110, Hot Shot, This Is Fujiko ==== :'''Lupin''': Jigen, I'll take one for you. :'''Jigen''': Maybe it's better if I've had a shower first? :'''Lupin''': It doesn't make a difference anyway. :''[He takes a picture of Jigen. A photo comes out. Lupin looks at it with surprise]'' :'''Jigen''': What? What's on it? :''[He finds to his bewilderment that it's a photo three minutes into the future of him in the shower, completely nude]'' ---- :''[On a nudist beach, Zenigata, in boxers, cringes before a trio of women]'' :'''Woman 1''': Come on and take your clothes off. It's the rules here. :'''Woman 2''': A person is most beautiful when they're in the nude. :'''Woman 3''': That's right. ''[She pulls on Zenigata's boxers]'' Here, put this on. ==== Episode 112, Goemon's Close Call ==== :'''Lupin''': You went through this for my sake. :'''Goemon''': If I betrayed my comrades, I'd rather die. :'''Lupin''': ''[stroking Goemon's hair]'' You're a fool. A real fool! :''[He hugs Goemon tightly and cries]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[previewing the next episode]'' "My only goal is to arrest Lupin." Bah! And now Old Man Zenigata is playing Chuushingura to arrest me! The next one is "Operation Chuushingura". See ya! ==== Episode 113, The Name of the Operation is Chuushingura ==== :''[Lupin and Jigen are munching away on biscuits at a kabuki play when they notice Goemon clutching his Zantetsuken and crying, enthralled by the play. Lupin, looking displeasedly at Goemon, is about to take another bite of his biscuit when Jigen yanks it away, and Lupin ends up biting his own teeth]'' :'''Lupin''': Ouch! What did you do that for? ''[He reaches for his biscuit again but Jigen slaps his hand away and points at the weeping Goemon. Lupin leaves the theater]'' Just like kids, coming to watch Chuushingura every year. Are the Japanese idiots? ---- :'''Zenigata''': How could they sack you, chief? :'''Chief Asano''': It doesn't matter, Zenigata. I alone doomed myself. As a law keeper, I shouldn't use violence. :''[Zenigata silently bursts into tears]'' :'''Chief Asano''': But if I knew this would happen, I'd have trashed that minister. :'''Zenigata''': I'm sorry. I shouldn't have stopped you. :'''Chief Asano''': Doesn't matter. You must go on. ---- :''[On a boat, Kira complains to a blind drunk Lupin]'' :'''Kira''': I'm very old, of course I'm degenerated. Why must I be treated as the bad guy? :'''Lupin''': Old man, don't cry. Here's another cup. :'''Kira''': Ooishi Kuranosuke, I hate you. :'''Lupin''': Don't look so mean. :'''Kira''': Right. The topic is the treasure. :'''Lupin''': Is there really a treasure? :'''Kira''': Of course there is. I, Kira Kozuenosuke, used my degenerate ways to gather this treasure. :'''Lupin''': If we were meant to meet, I'll investigate it for you. ---- :''[The plane Lupin is flying is low on fuel]'' :'''Lupin''': We're out of gas. :'''Fujiko''': There's a gas station over there. :'''Lupin''': This isn't a car! ---- :'''Kira''': My hands are cold because... I'm a ghost. :''[After a second, Lupin bursts out laughing]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[pounding the table]'' "I'm a ghost"! That's a good one. :''[His friends watch in astonishment as the man literally vanishes into thin air]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[drunk and talking in his sleep]'' Can't take more... ---- :'''Lupin''': Let's see how serious they are. ''[He holds up a white flag. The officer shoots it]'' They're serious. ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[imitating Oishi]'' Comrades of mine, our time has come! :'''Police''': Yes! :''[Zenigata tries to bang the drum but smashes the skin instead]'' :'''Zenigata''': Oops. :'''Officer''': He's taking this act too much to heart. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[in a flirtatious pose]'' Ginger ale later! ==== Episode 121, The Treasure My Grandfather Left Behind ==== :'''Jigen''': Let's save him. ''[He plays the flute]'' :'''Zenigata''': ''[still wrestling with the snake]'' That's the wrong end! :'''Jigen''': My bad. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[dazed]'' Fujiko, what do you conclude from this? :'''Fujiko''': Let's see... Be careful of the floor and the stairs. :'''Lupin''': Oh yeah, that's right. ''[He faints]'' ---- :''[Lupin slips down a flight of stairs]'' :'''Lupin''': This is the last straw! Ain't there an escalator?! ---- :'''Lupin''': What the hell is all this sheep doing here? :'''Gregoire''': Don't be irritated. It's not good for your health. You know, count sheep when you can't fall asleep? I suggest you take a nap till they all leave. :'''Lupin''': Don't talk bullshit. ''[He yells at the sheep]'' Hey, go on! Shoo! Come on! I need that statue! ---- :''[Jigen sees Lupin sitting in the middle of the courtyard. Butterflies circle around his head]'' :'''Jigen''': Lupin! ''[He rushes forward and shakes the dozing Lupin by the head]'' Wake up, Lupin! :'''Lupin''': Three billion, six hundred and fifty seven million, six thousand... :'''Jigen''': ''[smacking Lupin lightly on the head to wake him up]'' What kind of talk is that? We know the guy's real identity now. :'''Fujiko''': Lupin, what are you doing? ''[She runs up to the gang]'' Is that the Venus statue? It's pretty. :'''Lupin''': You can see it behind the camels? :'''Fujiko''': What camels? ---- :'''Fujiko''': You were decieved by some butterflies? ==== Episode 126, Together with Lupin to Hell ==== :'''Lupin''': Could you keep this for me? ''[He tosses Goemon a brooch]'' Just take it for me as my parting gift. I could be killed by Fujiko's tricks. ''[Goemon gives a smile of understanding, pockets the item and leaves]'' ---- :''[Lupin removes the tape from a bound Jigen's mouth]'' :'''Jigen''': Lupin, you jerk! Have I ever betrayed you? What's the big idea? :'''Lupin''': If I didn't, you wouldn't come with me. :'''Jigen''': Stop the car! I don't want to take part! ''[Lupin sprays Jigen with knockout gas]'' Lupin, I'll remember this... :''[He passes out in the front passenger seat]'' :'''Lupin''': I'll wake you when you get there. Sweet dreams. ---- :'''Lupin''': What now, Jigen? :'''Jigen''': Dunno. ---- :'''Lupin''': Let's use rock-paper-scissors to see who'll decide. ''[Jigen scoffs]'' As I thought... ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[thinking Lupin had died]'' He was a lady-killer, spineless, irritating, but to die like this... :''[a stone is hurled at his head. Lupin emerges from one of the corner pockets]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[indignantly]'' Who's a spineless irritating lady-killer?! ---- :'''Lupin''': Damn, the water's coming in. Go-Goemon... ''GOEMON!!'' ''[The stone behind Lupin and Jigen is sliced and they fall out backwards]'' Goemon, are you dead, too? :'''Goemon''': That would be troublesome. ==== Episode 128, The Old Woman and the Thievery Contest ==== :''[Lupin barges into Jigen and Goemon's room. The two men wake up squealing like little girls. There's a short, awkward pause. Lupin goes to the end of Goemon's bed and looks at him curiously]'' :'''Goemon''': ''[blushing and clearing his throat]'' It seems I've had a bad dream. :'''Jigen''': ''[trying to look casual]'' Me, too. :''[Lupin leaves, knowing his partners don't have the diamond]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': I'm mad that you used my name at your will. :'''Mrs. Dokonjo''': You're angry... :''[She bawls]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[nervous]'' Granny... Listen, granny... ''[He moves over to console her]'' I'll forgive you. But please, don't do it again. Please. :''[She looks up at him with a glare]'' :'''Mrs. Dokonjo''': Lupin! :'''Lupin''': What kind of a look is that? ---- :''[The gang stand on each other's shoulders so that their lunatic friend can reach a diaper on a laundry line]'' :'''Jigen''': When I find that old lady, I'll show her who's boss. :'''Goemon''': ''[standing on Jigen's shoulders]'' I came to Broadway for this? :'''Fujiko''': ''[standing on Goemon's shoulders]'' The four of us had to be mobilized for that? :'''Lupin''': ''[standing on Fujiko's shoulders]'' Just a bit more... there... just a bit more... :''[He manages to grab the trivial thing]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': That old bag is trying to make the article more interesting. She siphoned the gas out of the tank. We're out of gas! :'''Jigen''': ''[laughing lightly and pushing his fedora further down his face]'' That old biddy. I'm beginning to like her. ==== Episode 129, In Jigen, I Saw the Kindness of a Man's Soul ==== :'''Guard''': At the moment, the president is taking a nap. Until he wakes up, please wait in the waiting room. :'''Jigen''': OK. By the way... ''[He hits the guard with a tranquilizer dart]'' Why don't you take a nap as well? ---- :'''Lupin''': I really ought to go there myself, but Pops is hot on my tail right now. :'''Zenigata''': Grrr... Woof! ---- :''[A group of men in brown uniforms burst in on Jigen, who is sitting in a hotel room, holding a beverage glass and wearing a nightgown and a nightcap]'' :'''Jigen''': Well, I don't recall calling for room service. :'''Janaican Police Chief''': Has a woman come into this room? :'''Jigen''': What woman? Sorry, man, but I'm a woman-hater. :'''Janaican Police Chief''': If you're lying, you're in big trouble. Search the place! :''[The men trash the room while Jigen calmly sits and has a drink. Fortunately, they don't notice the broken window the woman swung in through]'' :'''Janaican Officer''': Damn it, she got away! :''[The men leave as Jigen holds the door open for them]'' :'''Jigen''': ''[to the chief]'' Thank you for coming. Why don't you have a drink with me? :''[The chief ignores him and leaves. Jigen kicks the door shut in a huff]'' ---- :'''Fujiko''': ''[disguised as a pilot]'' We're carrying too many people. One person has to get off or we're going to crash. :'''Lupin''': ''[fighting a thumb war with Zenigata]'' That's what he says. What are you going to do, Pops? I don't want to get off. :'''Zenigata''': ''[also fighting the thumb war]'' I don't want to get off here either. ==== Episode 139, Steal Everything From Lupin ==== :'''Lupin''': ''[watching Mr. Steel carry Fujiko off]'' I ain't gonna let my body have all the fun without me. ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[disguising himself as a woman]'' Lupin has a weakness for women. :''[He applies the lipstick. The white face paint and colorful clothes honestly make him look more like a clown. He answers his walkie-talkie]'' :'''Officer''': Inspector, Lupin is here. :'''Zenigata''': Alright, I understand. ''[He puts on a girlish voice]'' I'll be right there. ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[seeing Mr. Steel as Lupin grope a woman in the park]'' He's really trying to act like Lupin, isn't he? :'''Lupin''': I'm not as bad as that. ---- :''[Mr. Steel in Lupin's body tries to chat up a disguised Zenigata]'' :'''Goemon''': His taste is as bad as yours. :'''Lupin''': Don't be silly. I wouldn't try and pick up Old Man Zenigata if I was offered. ---- :'''Jigen''': What now, Lupin? Your body will be taken to prison. ---- :'''Lupin''': This is the first time I've disguised myself as myself. It's really strange. ---- :''[Zenigata faints from the confusion of having his body transported into Mr. Steel's]'' :'''Dr. Changer''': Poor thing. With his brain it's difficult to understand what's going on, you see. ---- :''[as Zenigata, in the dying Mr. Steel's body, chases his own body, Lupin drives past in the Mercedes]'' :'''Lupin''': Pops! Work harder, will you? :'''Zenigata''': L-Lupin! :''[Lupin accelerates, and so does Mr. Steel]'' :'''Zenigata''': Wait! :''[Gradually he slows to a walk and finally collapses, dropping his handcuffs. It's curtains for Zenigata... probably]'' ==== Episode 140, Wolf Run, Pig Fall Down ==== :'''Lupin''': Look at Pops bragging up there. :'''Jigen''': Go ahead and let him. ---- :'''Jigen''': Thanks for catching up, Pops. ---- :'''Jigen''': That fish could beat Jaws. :'''Lupin''': I oughta turn 'im into a canned salmon. ---- :'''Lupin''': Animal instincts really are a wonderful thing. ==== Episode 142, The Big Favorite Disappeared at the Grand Race ==== :'''Lupin''': Pops, where's your parachute? :'''Zenigata''': I don't need it to arrest you! :'''Lupin''': Let go, Pops! :'''Zenigata''': No way in hell! :''[They float down past Red Arrow, who kicks Zenigata, sending him falling into the water, taking Lupin's pants with him]'' ---- :'''Fujiko''': You've done it, Lupin! :'''Lupin''': Yes, but he eats like a horse, pardon the expression. ---- :'''Lupin''': Pops, I'm leaving him with you. Take care of Red Pig. ==== Episode 145, Wings of Death: Albatross ==== :''[Lupin prepares to exchange the detonator for Fujiko]'' :'''Lonebach''': One... :'''Lupin''': Two... :''[Fujiko reveals herself to be Zenigata in disguise]'' :'''Zenigata''': Three! ---- :''[Zenigata searches Lupin, emptying his false foot]'' :'''Lupin''': Pops, is that big aeroboat going to fly? :'''Zenigata''': Yes, today they will test it. :'''Lupin''': I see, that's the story behind that Albatross spark plug thing. ''[Zenigata grabs his face and pulls hard]'' Ow! Ow! Stop it! :'''Zenigata''': Oh, it's in here? :''[Zenigata pulls off a fake hairpiece from Lupin's head]'' :'''Lupin''': It's not my fault. :''[Zenigata looks in bewilderment as the hairpiece starts to fizzle, and finds out too late that it's a flash grenade]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': Fujiko. Fujiko. :''[Fujiko awakens]'' :'''Fujiko''': Lupin. :'''Lupin''': You're not hurt? :''[Fujiko finds she's lying in the rubble, sandwiched between Jigen and Zenigata, who are unconscious. Lupin, meanwhile, is hanging upside down. The four of them look like a tangled mess]'' :'''Fujiko''': I know you look serious but this really must be some kind of joke to you! ---- :''[Lonebach floats through the air with Zenigata clinging to him]'' :'''Zenigata''': I've never seen an atom bomb like this. :'''Lonebach''': These bombs are real, I tell you! :'''Zenigata''': Then let them explode! :'''Lonebach''': No! No way! ==== Episode 148, The Target is 555 Meters ==== :'''Lupin''': The building lights all look like little diamonds from up here. ---- :'''Lupin''': OK, Goemon, I'm good and ready. ==== Episode 151, The Arrest Lupin Highway Operation ==== :'''Zenigata''': I'll catch Lupin even if I have to go into the cage with him. ---- :'''Lupin''': Yo, Pops, are you alright down there? :'''Zenigata''': ''[poking his head through the bars]'' Lupin, how dare you! Don't move! I'm going to get you right now! ''[He realizes his head is stuck and manages to pull it back through the bars. The barge starts moving]'' Stop that! :'''Lupin''': Next time, pick a better trap for me! ''[He laughs loudly]'' :'''Zenigata''': ''[angrily shooting at Lupin]'' You think it's so funny to make a fool of me? ==== Episode 152, Jigen and a Hat and a Pistol ==== :'''Fujiko''': I need Jigen to... ''[She sees Jigen wearing a Tyrolean hat and giggles]'' Jigen, what happened to your hat? :''[Jigen blushes and hides behind Lupin]'' ---- :''[The gang finds Zenigata hiding in a bush with a recording device, sobbing]'' :'''Lupin''': Well, now. Pops, what are you crying about? :'''Zenigata''': Lupin, I've never been so touched like I am today. I really respect Jigen's decision. He is a man among men. :'''Lupin''': What? :'''Zenigata''': Listen, Lupin. I'll let you go until Jigen does his job. Go for it, Jigen! I'm rooting for you! :''[He marches away, singing the theme to Star of the Giants]'' ==== Episode 154, The Hexagon's Great Legacy ==== :'''Fujiko''': ''[disguised as a messenger]'' Inspector, I've got news for you. :'''Zenigata''': Regarding Lupin? :'''Fujiko''': Yes. He's targeting a bank at the Hexagon City. :''[Zenigata laughs eagerly and snatches his coat]'' :'''Zenigata''': Give it. :''[He dashes out the door]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': Wait there, Lupin. I'll use my bonus money to buy you a grave. ==== Episode 155, Farewell my beloved Lupin ==== :'''"Zenigata"''': And this cutie... I mean, the girl is? ---- :'''Lupin''': The real Pops should be at the airport by now. ---- :'''Zenigata''': How stupid can a guy be to impersonate Lupin? ==== English Dub Bloopers ==== :'''Jigen''': I still say that broad is nothing but trouble, but God damn it, has she got great tits or what? ---- :'''Jigen''': It says right here, "Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot..." ---- :'''Lupin''': Sounds like someone thinks he might not measure up. :'''Jigen''': Oh, that's ridiculous, man! I have a fourteen-inch doggy dick and don't you forget it! ---- :'''Dr. Normil''': Gentlemen. :'''Jigen''': Hey, this guy's got a dick for a head. :'''Dr. Normil''': I can see you've been talking about me already. ---- :'''Jigen''': You just tripped over my dick. ---- :'''Jigen''': There's a sign up ahead. It says ''Go Fuck Yourself''. ---- :'''Lupin''': Nothing like a tall glass of juice after a near-fatal sauna. :'''Jotarou''': Excuse me, but I thought you might like to know that you now have no choice but to lick my sweaty fucking testes. ---- :'''Lupin''': Stop it! Turn it off, please! :'''Jotarou''': And then, when you couldn't beat my father fair and square, you cheated! :'''Lupin''': Hah! I could have broken into that safe blindfolded, but I didn't! And you know why? It was out of compassion for your father, you bald fuck! :'''Jotarou''': That's a desperate lie. I'm ''not'' a bald fuck, I ''wax!'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': Dickhead, you'd better be positive about this. :'''Dr. Normil''': I hate it when people call me that. ''I'M VERY SENSITIVE ABOUT MY HEAD!'' Bastard! :'''Zenigata''': ''[in thought]'' Sure you are... ''penis with ears''. === Lupin III Part III === ==== Episode 1, The Gold is Beckoning Lupin ==== :''[Lupin sees a phone ringing in a shark's mouth. He answers it]'' :'''Lupin''': Call me back. I'm busy. :'''Fujiko''': Oh, dear. The Lupin I know wouldn't act so cold. :'''Lupin''': Who's that? Oh, Fujiko. :'''Fujiko''': I'm in San Francisco, and I need your help. :'''Lupin''': Oh, you're in Frisco? Right, I'm on my way. ''[As he hangs up, the shark bites him on the hand. A wave crashes onto him. As it turns out, he was dreaming, and the wave that hit him was water from a vase he knocked over while trying to put the receiver back. He lies half out of his bed, still holding the receiver]'' ---- :'''Jigen''': You said you were stuck to the seat with super glue? Be careful not to peel your back. :'''Lupin''': I have to hurry and help Fujiko. :'''Jigen''': ''[dismantling the bomb]'' In Chinatown? ''[He pulls out the connecting wire]'' Right, got it. :''[Lupin flexes his back, but the bomb is still stuck to him and the entire back of his clothes is torn off]'' :'''Lupin''': Guess not. ==== Episode 2, Expose the Great Trap ==== :'''Lupin''': Whoever touches this bubble when it bursts instantly loses their short-term memory. :''[He lets the bubble float and walks away]'' :'''Jigen''': Hmph. Ridiculous. ''[The bubble bursts on the brim of Jigen's hat, and he stares ahead in a trance. Lupin steals the gun Jigen was cleaning and swaps it with an ice cream cone. Jigen breaks out of the trance and rubs a handkerchief on the ice cream]'' Huh? What the...? ''[Lupin laughs, and Jigen throws the ice cream into his mouth]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': Here you go, back-ash-wards. ---- :'''Director Aran''': ICPO approved the use of six tons of pure gold for this operation. And the operation failed. Naturally we have to take the blame for it. :'''Zenigata''': ''[crying]'' Because of my failure... I apologize. :'''Director Aran''': You don't have to apologize to me. What's done is done. And you're not an Inspector anymore. Forget about Lupin and go back to Japan. :'''Zenigata''': Director Aran, thank you for everything during my time in the force. ''[He walks away in tears]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': You damn interloper! Mind your own business! Not mine! ==== Episode 3, Greetings, Hell's Angel ==== :'''Lupin''': Well? Scared yet? If you feel like running away, this is your last chance. :'''Flora''': I don't feel like it. ''[Lupin looks bewildered]'' If you're trying to drive me away by scaring me, it's not working. ''[Lupin trudges away, then stops and glances back at Flora]'' I've made up my mind to follow you to the end. ''[Lupin looks surprised. Flora runs to him with open arms]'' Do what you want with me, Lupin! :'''Lupin''': ''[disturbed]'' Just kidding! Joke's over! :''[He flees and tumbles into the sea]'' ==== Episode 4, Telepathy is Love's Signal ==== :'''Lupin''': ''[over the phone]'' Fujiko dear! :'''Fujiko''': ''[in the bath]'' Lupin, I won't see you any more. :'''Lupin''': Sorry. Just wait for me. Kissy kissy! :'''Jigen''': Calling Fujiko again? ==== Episode 6, Lupin has Come With a Tank ==== :'''Lupin''': Geez, where's he off screwing around? At this rate, we'll find the pearly gates before we find the Megas treasure. ==== Episode 9, the Copy-Man Becomes Expensive ==== :''[Zenigata is stuck on a magnet, with Budweiser pinned between them. He strains to pull himself loose]'' :'''Dr. Budweiser''': Ouch! Let go of me! :'''Zenigata''': Sorry, doctor. I'm doing the best I can. ''[He tries to pull himself away]'' Damn you, Lupin! He tricked me into wearing a suit of armor because of this magnet. ''[He gets his right arm free]'' Damn it, I can't get loose! ''[His left arm is now free as well. He continues trying to heave himself away. Some time later, Zenigata is fully free. He runs out of the safe and looks around]'' Alright, Lupin! You're mine! ''[He sees a glass case with smouldering ashes coming from it]'' He tricked us with this smoke, saying that it's poisoned gas! Wait a minute! He made us believe that he left through the tunnel... But he's actually probably gone to the roof! ==== Episode 10, Lay a Plot with the Treasure ==== :'''Goemon''': I was distracted again. I must improve my mind. :'''Lupin''': ''[wearing a chef's hat and apron and holding a frying pan]'' Thanks a lot. I couldn't find the can opener, so it was a big assist. ---- :'''Jigen''': Still, what a flake. Doesn't this guy know about libel laws? ---- :''[Lupin has just told Jigen he heard that the Minister needs Arsene Lupin's treasure for something]'' :'''Jigen''': ''[scoffing]'' Ridiculous. I heard the Minister of Justice is going to run for President. He's just using you as campaign fodder. :'''Lupin''': Yeah, it seems like it. ---- :'''Jigen''': By the way, why does the Minister have your grandpa's treasure? :'''Lupin''': Well, the story I heard is that is that grandpa was screwed over by some broad. And she was the Minister's mother. :''[Jigen laughs]'' :'''Jigen''': That's hilarious. It's just like you and Fujiko. ---- :'''Lupin''': You eat a lot. How many stomachs to you have? :'''Jigen''': Don't be silly. It's natural to get hungry after exercising. ---- :'''Jigen''': Don't you think this jailbreak looks too easy? :''[In the back seat, Zenigata looks nervous]'' :'''Lupin''': What? That just means that my plan was perfect. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Minister, you don't have to go about this in a roundabout way. If you leave it to me, I can arrest Lupin right now! :'''Minister''': Inspector Zenigata, if you really could arrest him so easily, Lupin would have been in prison long ago. :'''Zenigata''': Huh? Well... Yes, but... :'''Minister''': Suppose you arrest him. If Lupin then escaped from jail, it would hurt my presidential campaign. Listen, you must not try to arrest Lupin without my permission. :'''Zenigata''': Yes. I, I... I understand, sir! ---- :'''Lupin''': Hey, Pops, you better scram! That dome's gonna blow! ---- :'''Zenigata''': That's our Lupin... I knew something like this would happen! ==== Episode 13, Play a Joke on the Variation ==== :'''Zenigata''': Well? Isn't it cosy, wrapped in my super Lupin-catching flypaper? ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[sticking an exploding bag to Zenigata's face]'' You'd better not peel it off too hard or your skin will come off. ---- :'''Jigen''': What Lupin needs is rest. He's completely exhausted, in both mind and body. ---- :''["Fujiko" drives Lupin to Madame Luisa's castle]'' :'''"Fujiko"'''': Madame Luisa, the billionaire widow, is holding a big party. There will be a lot of rich ladies there. Those vain creatures are like moving jewelry shops. You can collect their jewels with those fingers of yours. ''[Lupin is asleep and not listening]'' Lupin? Lupin? Lupin! ''[Lupin, wearing a woman's dress and bandages on his head, finally wakes up. The symbol of a hand with a curved index finger is reflected in his left eye.]'' Understand? Our share will be 70-30. ''[Lupin sees the castle and stares at it as though in a trance]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': I caught Lupin and lived! ---- :'''Lupin''': Welcome to the peep show! ==== Episode 16, The Poisonous Golden Apple ==== :'''Jigen''': Got a cold? :'''Lupin''': No, it just happens when Pops talks about me. ---- :'''Guard''': Ah, Inspector, look out! It's dangerous to lean over so much! This is shark infested water! :'''Zenigata''': ''[arrogant and insistent on searching for Lupin]'' You fool! If you're scared of a shark, you can't arrest Lupin! ''[The boat leans to the side, sending Zenigata falling over the railing and towards the water. Lupin throws a rope out with a wooden block attached to it, causing the Inspector to dangle just above the water. He sees the guard is right, and there are indeed sharks in the water]'' Hey! Get away! Stay back! ''[The sharks jump at Zenigata]'' I'm not tasty! Don't come! Help! Pull me up! :'''Lupin''': ''[pulling Zenigata up]'' Geez, what a troublesome old man you are! :'''Jigen''': You're too nice. It'd make the job easier if you left him as shark bait. ---- :'''Lupin''': Hey, Pops, that's too violent for prime time! ---- :''[Zenigata sees Lupin ride away on a shark]'' :'''Zenigata''': What?! He trained a shark?! That's a Nobel Prize-level trick! :''[Out on the sea, Lupin still thinks he's riding a shark-shaped boat]'' :'''Lupin''': Huh? I can't control it. What happened to this machine? ''[The shark dives out of the water]'' Huh? Th... This is a real shark! ''[The shark dives in and out of the water]'' Whoa! He-help me! ''[It dives in and out again]'' ''Jigen!'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': Prince Adam, this woman is part of Lupin's gang! :'''Prince Adam''': She isn't. Fujiko is my governess! :'''Zenigata''': Your governess? Fujiko? ''[He bursts out laughing]'' ---- :''[Zenigata bends the bars of the cage he's trapped in]'' :'''Lupin''': Wow, you really are a gorilla. Time to scram! ---- :'''Lupin''': Pops, you didn't sleep last night, did you? You'd better take a nap! :''[The tired Inspector watches Jigen drive Lupin away]'' :'''Zenigata''': Wait, Lupin... :''[His all-night vigil takes its toll and he falls asleep on the ground]'' ---- :''[Lupin appears at the door. He looks dishevelled and exhausted]'' :'''Lupin''': How do I look? Am I sexy? :''[He collapses]'' :'''Fujiko''': Oh, Lupin, what's happened to you? You look so thin! :'''Jigen''': The apple is actually a laxative to help with bulimia. :'''Fujiko''': That figures. After all the trouble to get it, it turned out to be a laxative. ==== Episode 17, Are You Really Getting Married? ==== :'''Jigen''': See? It's just like I said. ---- :'''Lupin''': So, Pops, can you do me one last favor? :'''Zenigata''': W-what? Why are you being so polite? :'''Lupin''': Well, you know, you're going to have us executed, so... I was wondering... Could you marry Fujiko and I first? :'''Fujiko''': Lupin... :'''Lupin''': Please, I beg you, Pops. :''[Zenigata thinks about it]'' :'''Fujiko''': I'd like to ask that of you as well, Inspector Zenigata. ''[to Lupin]'' To tell you the truth, I've loved you all the time. :'''Lupin''': Fujiko... ''[to Zenigata]'' See? Please, Pops. I beg you. :'''Zenigata''': Fine, I got it. I'll see what I can do. ==== Episode 23, The Beirut Mobile Bank Operation ==== :'''Bank manager''': This is my secretary. :'''Fujiko''': ''[disguised as a secretary]'' I was just bringing you drinks. :'''Zenigata''': ''[with an upturned glass on his head]'' So I see. ---- :'''Zenigata''': They brushed me off with some tissues. What do they take us for at Interpol? :''[He sniffs them]'' :'''Zenigata''': Hey, these smell pretty nice. Guess that's normal for a posh bank... ---- :'''Computer''': Physical characteristic: Bow-legged. :'''Lupin''': That's none of your business! ---- :'''Lupin''': Settle down and have one last smoke. :''[He genially hands Zenigata a cigarette. The Inspector sits down and takes the cigarette. Lupin lights it]'' :'''Computer''': Smoking is forbidden. :''[It sprays water in Zenigata's face]'' ==== Episode 24, Sleep Peacefully, My Friend==== :'''Lupin''': ''[cornered and out of bullets]'' Stupid Jigen! :''[Jigen arrives in a helicopter]'' :'''Jigen''': If you don't like me, I can flee solo. :'''Lupin''': Please don't, Jigen-san. ==== Episode 26, A Ghost in New York ==== :''[Goemon has fished out a skeleton from the Hudson river]'' :'''Goemon''': An unidentified corpse. And floating down the Hudson river. Poor fellow. I wish you a speedy journey. ''[As he starts to leave, the skeleton grabs his hakama]'' What are you doing? Stop haunting me or I'll slash you! ''[The skeleton winks flirtatiously. Goemon yells. He watches as the skeleton vanishes in a puff of smoke]'' A host? An illusion? ''[He looks at the bamboo flowerpot he had laid on the ground with trepidation]'' ---- :'''Lilly''': I do love older men. :'''Goemon''': O-O-Older men? ---- :''[Lupin catches one of the quintuplets in his arms]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[with hearts in his eyes]'' Hey, it's the cute babe from before! Seriously, what's your number? I've got to know! ''[She pushes Lupin away and slaps him]'' ==== Episode 29, Let's Go to the Honey-Moon ==== :'''Jigen''': ''[hearing Fujiko and Lupin plan to get married]'' Hmph. You should take a walk before you break his heart. ---- :'''Goemon''': ''[seeing a Daruma doll seemingly moving on its own]'' What power! ---- :'''Zenigata''': Open, sesame. :'''Door''': Please go away. :'''Zenigata''': ''[pounding the door]'' Open up! Open up! ... Open, carrot. :'''Door''': Please go away. :'''Zenigata''': Open, tomato. Open, green pepper! Open, potato! Open, burdock! :'''Door''': Please go away. :'''Zenigata''': Radish! Cabbage! Celery! Sweet potato! ---- :'''Goemon''': Mr. Robot, please tell me how to cast my chi. ''[The robot flees in the other direction]'' Mr. Robot! Please! ''[Goemon blocks its path]'' Please... I beg you! Please teach me! ---- :'''Zenigata''': I always knew she'd stab you in the back. You were betrayed by the woman and your pals and it left you ruined. You felt defeated, and your thoughts turned to suicide. ''[Lupin yawns]'' But then you heard a divine voice saying "Don't be hasty. ''[Lupin removes the handcuffs and plays with them]'' Is that right, Lupin? ''[Lupin yawns again, so hard that tears form in his eyes]'' Don't cry. Here you are. ''[He hands Lupin a handkerchief. He blows his nose]'' There's an old proverb about not shooting the bird who turns to you for help. Right? You know it? ''[He sees Lupin has placed the handkerchief over his hands and removes it, with his handcuffs back on his wrists]'' ==== Episode 32, 10 Million Dollar Key ==== :''[Zenigata has arrested Lupin for stealing a hamburger. Lupin lies on his prison bed while Zenigata drunkenly sits before his cell]'' :'''Zenigata''': I've been chasing you for ten years. And all that time I've never had a day of rest. Turning my back on my home, leaving my country, forsaking women... ''all to chase you!'' :'''Lupin''': ''[turning away]'' You don't get to pin the lack of girlfriends on me. :'''Zenigata''': B-b-By the way... ''[He falls onto his side]'' By the way... Why... Of all the shameful things you've done, Lupin... Why'd it have to be over a hamburger? This is beyond pathetic. :''[He passes out. Lupin looks over at Zenigata with a smile]'' :'''Lupin''': You really are a big softy, Pops. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Robbing a local bank? ''[He sneezes]'' Talk about lowering your standards. ---- :'''Jigen''': American cops aren't pushovers like the ones in Japan. ---- :'''Lupin''': There's no point in having a car as an ornament you can't drive. ---- :'''Lupin''': Everyone needs a break. Even master thieves. ---- :'''Lupin''': The President seems better suited to riding a horse than a car. ---- :'''Lupin''': Well, that saved us some trouble. They stole the car themselves. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Damn that Lupin! If I ever arrest him, I'll give him my cold! :'''Lupin''': ''[to himself, in the other room]'' That must be Pops! ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[reading Lupin's letter]'' "Your beloved Lupin", my ass. ---- :'''Zenigata''': I came here to have breakfast... I mean, arrest you. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[after Fujiko steals the car]'' Oh, whatever. ---- :'''Lupin''': "Ron"? "Zeni"? What are you, poker buddies? ==== Episode 33, A Boy Genius Plays a Dangerous Game ==== :'''Lupin''': Oh, it's Pops. It's weird seeing him play tag in a place like this after so long. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Lupin, are you after the boy, too? :'''Lupin''': As if! Like I'd get mixed up in something like this! ---- :'''Zenigata''': Freeze! :'''Lupin''': No way! ---- :''[At the New York ICPO headquarters, a poorly Zenigata sneezes loudly]'' :'''Zenigata''': ''[sneezing loudly]'' I will definitely catch Lupin... even if I have to sacrifice my life. ''[He sneezes again]'' :'''Chief''': I don't care about Lupin, Zenigata. It seems you don't understand how important this invention is. Anyway, bring back that boy Mikhail. ''[Zenigata blows his nose]'' He wants to use this invention to help starving people Africa and Asia. ''[Zenigata doesn't listen. He stows away his tissue, then takes out a piece of folded paper]'' That was the late Professor Kazanov's dying wish. If it winds up in corporate hands or those of a single government... ''[He realizes Zenigata is distracted]'' Are you listening, Zenigata? ''[Zenigata sneezes white powder into the chief's face]'' ==== Episode 34, Manhattan Crisis ==== :'''Zenigata''': ''[harried]'' ICPO hate putting people up on travel. They're so damn stingy on expenses. ---- :'''Lupin''': You say "pure love", but you mean "pure gold", don't you? ---- :'''Zenigata''': If I arrest Lupin know, they wouldn't know what to do with me! That's why I let him go on purpose. ---- :'''Lupin''': Sorry, I'm... Huh? You're still mad? :'''Goemon''': You woke me up from a nap. How could I be in a good mood after that? :'''Jigen''': Try taking your anger out on the mafia guys. ---- :'''Lupin''': I wish I could act like Elliot Ness! ---- :'''Thug''': Who are you? :'''Goemon''': We're the Shinsengumi! What? Oh no, Lupin's stupidity has rubbed off on me. ---- :'''Fujiko''': Where's Goemon? :'''Jigen''': He went off to crash. :'''Fujiko''': How can he sleep when there's eight million dollars waiting for him? ---- :'''Jigen''': Hey, Lupin. Did you order this thing? :''[Lupin finds that there's a grenade on the sandwich tray. He and Jigen race out the diner. Lupin presses his back to the door. The diner blows up. When the smoke clears, Lupin is unharmed, still with his back to the door. He stares ahead, face blank and numb with terror]'' :'''Lupin''': Delicious. ---- :''[Fleeing from the mafia, Lupin and Jigen run into a couple of policemen doing a stop-and-search] :'''Lupin''': Officer! Help! Help! Help! H- ''[He finds himself staring down the barrel of a cop's gun]'' Eh? ''[He quickly dodges before the cop fires and he and Jigen continue running down the street. The suspected felon fires at them along with the cops]'' Are they mafia, too? :'''Jigen''': Guess so. ---- :'''Lupin''': How many people are in the goddamn mob?! :'''Jigen''': Just assume it's everybody! ---- :'''Lupin''': Help us, Pops! :''[The mafia follow him and Jigen out of the manhole and chase them down the street]'' :'''Zenigata''': I'll help you when I've arrested you. ---- :''[Lupin and Jigen shelter together in a safe while Zenigata searches among the rubble]'' :'''Lupin''': Looks like we're stuck here for a while. :'''Jigen''': ''[dazed]'' Guess so. ---- :'''Goemon''': I'm tired. Bye. ---- :''[Zenigata sits before two wooden crosses he made for Lupin and Jigen]'' :'''Zenigata''': Why did you die and leave me on my own, Lupin? I... I loved chasing you. ''[He buries his face in his fist and cries]'' :'''Lupin''': Hey, Pops! What's up? Did someone die? :'''Zenigata''': Lupin! You're alive? ''[He dodges as Fujiko drives past him]'' :'''Fujiko''': Lupin! Wait for me! :'''Zenigata''': ''[overjoyed]'' Freeze, Lupin! You're under arrest! ==== Episode 38, The Little Mermaid ==== :'''Jigen''': Fujiko, in your vocabulary the word friends is just a synonym for money. ---- :'''Wallace''': Mr. Lupin is waiting for you. Please hurry. :''[He hands the Zantetsuken to Goemon]'' :'''Goemon''': Thank you. ''[Two officers run up to him. He imitates Zenigata]'' You fools! Hurry up and find him! He's escaped! :'''Officers''': Yes, sir! :''[Wallace and Goemon smile, then walk away. As they do so, Zenigata, lying under the rubble, flicks a tracking device onto the Zantetsuken]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': I can't go to heaven having been betrayed by my beloved Princess, can I? ---- :''[Lupin is carried off by a dolphin who is in love with him]'' :'''Lupin''': I don't wanna live underwater! Help me! Jigen? Goemon? Fujiko? Pops?! ==== Episode 39, The Gold To My Rival ==== :'''Zenigata''': Darn you, Lupin... Huh? I feel sleepy. ''[He muzzily makes out a group of masked men breaking into the armored car]'' Hey, wait! ''[A man grabs Zenigata by the arm and holds a knife to his throat]'' You're not Lupin's gang. ''[He bites the man's hand, causing him to scream in pain and lose his aqualung, and judo-throws him]'' Don't underestimate me. I, Zenigata, am not so easily... ''[He collapses by the wall, sedated by the gas and sound asleep]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': The culprit wasn't Lupin this time. He... :'''Chief''': I don't want to hear excuses! Zenigata, hurry up and find that gold, no matter ''who'' took it! :'''Zenigata''': ''[saluting]'' Understood, sir. ---- :'''Forensic scientist''': This is a "survival knife". It's used by special forces. :'''Zenigata''': Special forces... :'''Forensic scientist''': ''[pointing to an engraving on the knife]'' Look at this. :'''Zenigata''': Hmm, it's got an engraving. :'''Forensic scientist''': Yes. It's the serial number of the soldier who owned it. :'''Zenigata''': I see. ''[He dashes to the door]'' Thanks a bunch. You've been very helpful. :''[As he leaves, Jigen emerges from the locker]'' :'''Jigen''': I see. The gold robbers were special forces. :'''Lupin''': Yeah. No doubt. :'''Jigen''': ''[taking the knife]'' Still, he's not very bright to drop it. :'''Lupin''': Now, shall we go? '' :'''Jigen''': Right. :''[Lupin pulls off his mask just as Zenigata comes back in. He hastily pulls it back down]'' :'''Lupin''': W... What do you want? :'''Zenigata''': Huh? I thought I heard voices in here. Is everything OK? :''[He searches Lupin and stares suspiciously at him]'' :'''Lupin''': N... No, I'm just mumbling to myself. What do you want? :'''Zenigata''': Oh, right, right. Could you give me back the knife? :'''Lupin''': The knife? ''[He fumbles around for it]'' Knife, knife, where is that thing...? ''[Jigen's arm emerges from behind Lupin's coat with the knife]'' Oh, here. :'''Zenigata''': Ah, thanks. ''[He stands, wondering why the forensic scientist just grew a third arm. Lupin hastily shoves him out the door]'' :'''Lupin''': You got what you wanted, so get out and let me work! ''[He shuts the door]'' Phew. That was a close call. ---- :'''Lupin''': Thieves don't work during playtime. ---- :'''Zenigata''': "Cool my head"? Asshole. ---- :'''Jigen''': By the way, Lupin, what is this? :'''Lupin''': It's a missile. :'''Jigen''': What?! :'''Lupin''': I "borrowed" it from the armory! :'''Jigen''': Get me off this thing! :''[The missile crashes into a forest. The men emerge in one piece from a pond]'' :'''Lupin''': You still alive, Jigen? :'''Jigen''': Our partnership is over. ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[clinging awkwardly to an airborne plane]'' That's it! No more team-ups! :'''Lupin''': But aren't you comfortable? ==== Episode 41, A Night Under Martial Law ==== :'''Goemon''': It was careless of you to abandon us for a woman. :'''Jigen''': Lupin's habits are rubbing off on me. ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[holding Lupin's face in a caressing manner to examine the scratch on his cheek]'' Is that a new wound? :'''Lupin''': Yes, very new. :''[The two men gaze at each other and share a smile]'' :'''Goemon''': Idiots. :''[Lupin and Jigen touch each other's faces, then laugh]'' ==== Episode 44, Our Papa is a Thief ==== :'''Goemon''': ''[disguised as a construction worker]'' At least we're lucky this isn't Japan. No one I know will see me like this. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''(loudly singing)'' ''For the sake of my honey, I'm old-fashioned, aren't I? For the sake of the jewels, yeah-ho!'' ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[raising his voice to a chicken-like squawk]'' Damn, Lupin! You finally got someone knocked up! :'''Goemon''': ''[to the flabbergasted Lupin]'' It is rather unlike you to leave evidence behind. :'''Lupin''': It's a lie, it's a lie, it's a lie! I've. Been. Framed! I've never met this Mary! :'''Jigen''': ''[leaning into Lupin's face]'' You sure about that? :'''Lupin''': Pretty sure. ---- :'''Goemon''': You are a man of the world, aren't you? :'''Lupin''': ''[sheepishly]'' Well... a bit... ---- :''[Lupin calls Fujiko]'' :'''Fujiko''': I told you, we're not teaming up. :'''Lupin''': It's not that. I need a woman's nursing hand. ''[He sees Mark and Vivian playing with Lupin's Walther and Jigen's Magnum]'' Shut up! That's not a toy! ''[He and Jigen snatch their weapons back]'' :'''Fujiko''': ''[hearing the commotion of children]'' Lupin, are you hiding in a kindergarten? :'''Lupin''': No. OUCH! :''[Over in a truck, Zenigata listens in on the conversation]'' :'''Fujiko''': Well, I'm too busy to help, plus I don't want to. :'''Lupin''': Please, Fujicakes! We're in an apartment in the East Village! :'''Fujiko''': No! :''[She hangs up]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[crying]'' I didn't know that thieves with children even existed! On the contrary, I... :'''Lupin''': Don't cry on me, Pops! :'''Zenigata''': Having spent my life chasing this fool, I never even found a wife! I don't even have any darling children! My fate won't allow it! :'''Lupin''': What snapped in Pops? :'''Jigen''': Apparently he wants a family. :'''Goemon''': Poor soul. :'''Jigen''': This is our chance to run. :''[They back away from the poor, lonely Inspector and make a break for it]'' :'''Zenigata''': I want a wife! I want kids! ---- :'''Goemon''': No matter how we look at it, there's no way Jigen or I have children. :'''Jigen''': Right. No chance of that there. Though in your case... :'''Lupin''': Please, stop talking like that. ---- :'''Fujiko''': We both need to escape! :'''Lupin''': ''[sarcastically]'' Thanks for thinking of me! ---- :'''Jigen''': You look good in drag. :'''Goemon''': Shut it already. ==== Episode 46, Soaring on Scrap Wings ==== :'''Lupin''': ''[imitating Fujiko]'' "Lupin, I want the Hina dolls. Let's have a Hina doll party, just you and me." Let's light the lantern! Lantern, lantern! :'''Jigen''': ''[scoffing]'' Too silly for me. ---- :''[The plane crashes, with Zenigata inside]'' :'''Jigen''': Aw man, the old man finally bit it. :'''Fujiko''': I feel a bit sorry for him. :'''Lupin''': ''[devoutly clasping his hands together as he floats into the sea]'' Well, he's got a special reservation on his arrival in heaven. ---- :'''Zenigata''': I'm glad you saved my life, but the problem is we can't communicate. == Lupin the Third Part V == [[File:083-face-with-monocle.svg|thumb|[[Thieves]] are in the [[shadows]], [[all]]'s [[right]] with the [[world]].]] * [[Thieves]] are in the [[shadows]], [[all]]'s [[right]] with the [[world]]. ** Smart monocle activation code; derived from ''[[w:Pippa Passes|Pippa Passes]]'' by [[Robert Browning]], (1841) == About ''{{PAGENAME}}'' == [[File:Giacche_Lupin_III.jpg|thumb|In a word, he’s all about “[[freedom]]”, isn’t he. I think this makes him a reflection of what we’d like to be ourselves. ~ Monkey Punch]] [[File:Walther_P38_(6971798779).jpg|thumb|He's a nice man <br> But he's cool <br> You know, he uses [[w:Walther P38|Walther]] <br> Yeah <br> The machine cries, <br> "Bang bang." <br> Yeah, he's the Lupin the Third. <br> Nice man <br> Yeah, he smiles <br> And he gets angry... sometimes. <br> But... he's a groovy guy. ~ Tokyo Movie Kikabuku]] * Lupin the Third is [[James Bond]] meets [[Charlie's Angels]] with [[Scooby-Doo]] sensibilities. ** Rob Lineberger. [https://web.archive.org/web/20140311223826/http://www.dvdverdict.com/reviews/lupinthe3rd.php "Lupin The Third: The World's Most Wanted Review"], ''DVD Verdict'', (May 21, 2003). *'''Interviewer''': Lupin’s [[charming]] isn’t he… :'''Monkey Punch''': In a word, he’s all about “[[freedom]]”, isn’t he. I think this makes him a reflection of what we’d like to be ourselves. :* Monkey Punch as quoted by [https://wavemotioncannon.com/2017/08/08/lupin-iii-a-short-interview-with-monkey-punch-animage-071978/ "Lupin III – A Short Interview With Monkey Punch"], Kazuhiko Kato, ''Animage'', (07/1978) * The world's richest man isn't a [[w:Rothchild|Rothchild]] or a [[w:Rockefeller|Rockefeller]]. It's Lupin! ** "Uncover the Secret of Tsukikage Castle"/"The Riddle of Tsukikage Castle", (June 12, 1978), written by Mon Shichijo * [A] crazy, groovy 1960s world of dynamite and backstabbing, hippies and gangsters. ** Jason Thompson. "Manga: The Complete Guide". New York, New York: Del Rey. (October 9, 2007). p. 196. * [A] fascinating homage to [[Mad (magazine)|Mad magazine]] and a four star example of comics as pure [[comedy]]. ** Jason Thompson. "Manga: The Complete Guide". New York, New York: Del Rey. (October 9, 2007). p. 196. * Lupin <br> He's a nice man <br> But he's cool <br> You know, he uses Walther <br> Yeah <br> The machine cries, <br> "Bang bang." <br> Yeah, he's the Lupin the Third. <br> Nice man <br> Yeah, he smiles <br> And he gets angry... sometimes. <br> But... he's a groovy guy. ** "Nice Guy Lupin", composed by Takeo Yamashita and performed by Charlie Corsey, written by Tokyo Movie Kikabuku, (January 30, 1972) === "Interview Monkey Punch" (November 13th 2003) === <small> [[w:Monkey Punch|Monkey Punch]], [http://www.animenewsnetwork.com/feature/2003-11-13 "Interview Monkey Punch"], ''Anime News Network'', (November 13th 2003) </small> * Actually, it's kind of interesting. I think men and women in general as... rather than saying tease, say they enjoy each other. They use their attributes; Fujiko uses her beautiful body and her sex appeal as a weapon and Lupin uses his cunning and his wit as a weapon and they like going at it with each other in a fun sense. Not necessarily lovers, not necessarily husband and wife, but more just having fun as man and woman with each other and using their weapons against each other, but in an enjoyable way. That's how I think of that. * When I started drawing Lupin thirty-six years ago, I was really only supposed to draw him for 3 months. It was more of only a contract project. At the end of that 3 months, it became popular and I continued drawing it for 10 years. And over that time, I never expected that I'd be invited to America multiple times, to attend these conventions, have so many fans and people that have read my works and have come to talk to me and express their gratitude. It's really an amazing feeling and at the same time it's bizarre in a way. I don't understand the popularity. I'm happy for it, but I don't understand it. * I would probably have to say as far as inspirations are concerned, maybe some of the more famous mystery works, just worldly mystery works. I think they probably helped me out creating my stories quite a bit. <br> Even things like, you know, Treasure Island or Monte Crisco, I think even those works influenced me quite a bit. I even enjoyed reading about D'Artagnan from the Three Musketeers. It might be my own analysis, but I even feel that Lupin might be very similar to D'Artagnan. M'lady the character that comes out from the D'Artagnan stories, I think that person might even be similar to Fujiko. So, those kinds of works I really think they did affect me at an early age. == External links == {{wikipedia}} [[Category:Japanese TV shows]] [[Category:Science fiction TV shows]] [[Category:Fantasy TV shows]] l7l0kw6g6tasxj8tex9rfg9z82nrpdi 3778794 3778793 2025-07-14T18:37:48Z 147.147.131.144 /* Episode 10, Steal File M123 */ 3778794 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Lupin_III_logo.svg|thumb|'''Lupin the Third''']] '''''Lupin III'''''(Nihongo: ルパン三世|Rupan Sansei), also written as '''Lupin the Third''' or '''Lupin the 3rd''', is a [[Japanese]] [[w:manga|manga]] series written and illustrated by [[w:Monkey Punch|Monkey Punch]]. It follows the escapades of master [[thief]] [[w:Arsène Lupin III|Arsene Lupin III]], the grandson of [[w:Arsène Lupin|Arsene Lupin]], the [[w:gentleman thief|gentleman thief]] of [[Maurice Leblanc]]'s series of novels. == Quotations from the series == === Lupin The Third Part I === ==== Episode 1, Is Lupin Burning...? ==== :'''Zenigata''': Lupin, how many years has it been, chasing you like this? It's in my blood. It's my fate. If you weren't the grandson of Arsene Lupin, and if I weren't a descendant of Heiji Zenigata... I'll catch you for sure some day. ---- :'''Lupin''': Well, hello, Fujiko. How are you? :'''Fujiko''': ''[clothes torn and tickling hands all over her]'' I'm not exactly tickled pink, Lupin. ---- :'''Zenigata''': You fool! What, do you think you'll stop me? :'''Fujiko''': Not at all. But stay here if you don't want to die. ==== Episode 2, The Man They Call a Magician ==== :'''Lupin''': I'm hungry. :'''Jigen''': Sorry, but we only have food for me, not for you. :'''Lupin''': The octopus? Forget about that. ---- :'''Jigen''': Man, this glass sure can be a pain. ==== Episode 3, Farewell My Beloved Witch==== :'''Lupin''': Linda, my sweet! :'''Jigen''': The hell? Did he just say "Linda, my sweet"? I can't do this... ---- :'''Lupin''': "Attack your prey swiftly and disappear like the wind", right? ---- :'''Lupin''': The missile. A nuclear warhead! ''[Close to tears, he places a hand on the missile]'' Linda had to die for something as stupid as this. ''[He quietly weeps into the missile]'' ---- :'''Jigen''': This is why I keep telling you to be careful of women. :'''Lupin''': I got it, I got it. Don't nag so much. ==== Episode 4, One Chance to Breakout ==== :'''Doctor''': That man is something else. :'''Zenigata''': Well, he won't be for much longer. After all, he's going be executed. ''[He imagines himself at Lupin's trial]'' Death penalty! Death is the only suitable sentence for Lupin the Third! I devoted my entire life to capturing Lupin! I came into being solely so I could arrest him! He should be executed! Death penalty! Death! ''[Next he imagines Lupin being executed in various ways]'' The verdict: I sentence Lupin the Third to death! ''[He imagines Lupin crying pitifully at his trial. In his office, Zenigata sweats and anxiously buries his face in his hands as he wonders if this is what he really wants]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': Jigen, are you just going to let Lupin die?! ---- :'''Zenigata''': I guess this is finally goodbye. ''[He meets the officer's gaze]'' I mean, this world will finally be peaceful. ==== Episode 5, The Coming of Goemon the Thirteenth ==== :'''Lupin''': Dang it! Goemon Ishikawa the First was boiled to death! So I figured this Goemon would be weak against fire! That's the whole reason I prepared the fuel! But ''nooo''! :'''Jigen''': Enough with the braying. What are you, a donkey? ---- :'''Fujiko''': Oh, Lupin! I'm so glad. So, are you going to help me? :'''Jigen''': ''[rolling over on the couch]'' Hmph! This is ridiculous. ==== Episode 9, Killer Sings the Blues ==== :'''Goemon''': He's late! :'''Jigen''': ''[sulking on a chair and frustratedly throwing darts at a heart-shaped target]'' Yeah. Late. :'''Goemon''': What could he be doing before a job? :'''Jigen''': Hung up on a woman, most likely. :'''Goemon''': If that's the case, what are you going to do? :'''Jigen''': I've had enough. We're through! ''[He throws a dart at the door just as it's being opened. Lupin catches the dart in his hand. Jigen brightens]'' You're late! ---- :'''Fujiko''': What a square. ---- :'''Goemon''': Where's Lupin? :'''Jigen''': ''[feigning apathy]'' Don't care. ''[The walkie talkie buzzes. Once again, Jigen's mood brightens]'' Oh, it's him. ---- :''[Jigen sees Lupin tied up in his underwear with a huge bump on his head]'' :'''Jigen''': Huh? Where's the woman? :'''Lupin''': She ran away. :''[Jigen bursts into laughter]'' :'''Jigen''': This is priceless! :'''Lupin''': Laugh it up. ==== Episode 11, When the Seventh Bridge Falls==== :''[Jigen sneezes]'' :'''Lupin''': Are you cold? :'''Jigen''': Of course. I wanna get home and take a nice hot bath. :'''Lupin''': Then you better return this. :''[He passes the bomb back to the shivering Jigen]'' :'''Jigen''': Huh? You're heartless. :'''Lupin''': Just do it. :''[He pushes the complaining gunman back into the water]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': She was such a nice girl. :'''Jigen''': ''[throwing Lupin out of the boat]'' Go back there by yourself, then. ==== Episode 13, Beware the Time Machine ==== :'''Lupin''': ''[to Jigen]'' You sure made one sexy maid, too! ---- :'''Fukuroko''': Well, Inspector, would it make you happy if I were Lupin? :'''Zenigata''': Huh? ''[He bursts into derisive laughter]'' :'''Fukuroko''': What if I'd switched places with the real Fukuroko when you left the room earlier? ''[Zenigata stops laughing]'' And what if all the cops here... ''[He reveals his own voice]'' :'''Lupin''': ... Happened to be my men? ''[Zenigata sees the cops dropping their masks and grinning. He charges forward]'' :'''Zenigata''': Lupin! ''[Lupin blows thick smoke from the cigar]'' Damn it, Lupin! ---- :''[Lupin finds Jigen sitting in the middle of a room cluttered with books, perusing obsessively]'' :'''Lupin''': Hey, Jigen, will you quit this already? Forget about that loon. ''[Jigen walks off to the side]'' Hmph. Fine. I'll just take Goemon with me for this next job. Hey, Goemon! Goemon! ''[To Lupin's chagrin, Goemon appears from the pile of books, likewise perusing the volumes]'' :'''Goemon''': What? :'''Lupin''': Well now, Goemon. :'''Goemon''': I'm certain I've heard of Kyousuke Mamou as well. :''[Lupin goes to the front room, sits down in an armchair and puts his feet on the table]'' :'''Lupin''': You gotta be kidding me. Mamou, Mamou, Lupin the 13th, the year two-thousand something... This ain't a sci-fi manga. :''[Some time later, Lupin sleeps in the armchair. As though in a dream, he hears Mamou's voice speaking to him]'' :'''Mamou''': Allow me to explain, Lupin. I have conquered the fourth dimension. Behold. With this time machine, I can traverse the temporal plane, past or future. And I saw it. ''[A frown forms on the slumbering thief's face]'' I saw my descendants kill your descendants. It all occurs about nine hundred years from now. ''[Lupin moans softly]'' Still don't believe me? Then I'll tell you my date of birth. It's November 18th, 1932. :''[Lupin wakes up, and sits up in confusion]'' :'''Lupin''': November 18th, 1932... Yeesh! What a lousy dream. ''[He goes to the window and stares contemplatively out of it. Jigen and Goemon enter the room]'' :'''Jigen''': Hey, Lupin, we found it. Listen up. Kyousuke Mamou, a scientist. Sci-fi author and recipient of the Hugo award. His passion lies in the fourth dimension, especially the study of time and space, but he went mad in 1966. :'''Goemon''': While institutionalised in the city's psychiatric hospital, he declared the world was in crisis, and built a time machine, his version of Noah's Ark. He is currently traveling in time. :'''Lupin''': What's his date of birth? :'''Goemon''': Date of birth? Yes, it's here. November 18th, 1932. :'''Lupin''': ''[smirking]'' Quite interesting, Mr. Kyousuke Mamou. ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[to Fujiko]'' Lupin's in a bit of a serious mood right now. He's up against a man who travels the fourth dimension, one Kyousuke Mamo. We're afraid of him, too. ''[Lupin flies into a rage and hurls a machete past them]'' :'''Lupin''': BULLCRAP! Did I ever say I was afraid? Hell no! You think I'd take that lunatic's threat seriously? ''[He grabs Fujiko]'' Come with me, Fujiko dear. ''[He races off down the road with her in his Mercedes to take her on a date and forget about the lunatic]'' ---- :''[Fujiko watches Lupin sitting dejectedly on a hill outside the church]'' :'''Fujiko''': Lupin... :''[Lupin answers with a groan]'' :'''Lupin''': It's frustrating, but... this is hopeless. :''[He trudges over to Fujiko]'' :'''Lupin''': Fujiko... :''[He kneels in front of Fujiko, buries his face into her and starts crying. Suddenly, he hears church bells ringing and gets an idea]'' :'''Lupin''': Fujiko... marry me! :'''Fujiko''': What? :'''Lupin''': [desperately] I only have three more days. This is my last wish. :''[Fujiko blinks, confused]'' :'''Lupin''': Please. We'll just do the ceremony. Please, Fujiko. :''[He beseechingly puts his hands together]'' :'''Lupin''': Please. :'''Fujiko''': You really love me that much? :'''Lupin''': Yes! :'''Fujiko''': Then... okay. :'''Lupin''': ''[spirits lifted]'' Really? Alright! ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[shaking Goemon roughly]'' Hey, Goemon! Why the hell didn't you help him? :'''Goemon''': And what exactly did you do to help? :''[Jigen, distraught, buries his face in the table]'' :'''Jigen''': Lupin... Lupin... :'''Goemon''': Don't cry, Jigen. ''[Despite this, Jigen starts to cry anyway]'' I'll avenge him. :''[Jigen looks up at Goemon indignantly]'' :'''Jigen''': Idiot! You're too old-fashioned! He's in the Fourth Dimension! The 29th Century! What can an Edo Period guy like you do? If Mr. Edo Period could do something, Lupin would most likely have done something himself. :''[He continues crying into the table]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[from behind the aquarium]'' Edo Period, huh? How insightful of you two. You've given me a great idea. :''[Goemon and Jigen stare at Lupin in shock. Jigen breaks out into a cold sweat]'' :'''Jigen''': ''[eyes streaming with fresh tears]'' Lupin... :'''Lupin''': Well, you see, I was worried that people would miss me when I was gone, so I hid for a bit. ''[He chuckles]'' :'''Jigen''': ''[angry at Lupin for scaring him]'' Damn you, Lupin! ==== Episode 14, The Emerald's Secret ==== :'''Lupin''': ''[seeing Zenigata dance with a disguised Fujiko]'' He's a superb dancer. Very manly, dynamic, simple. ==== Episode 16, Operation Jewel Snatch ==== :'''Fujiko''': ''[to Lupin]'' Your grandfather, Arsène Lupin, would never let anything slip from his grasp. :'''Jigen''': Can't disagree with you there. ---- :'''Beaver''': The emergency alarm! Call the police! :'''Jigen''': Don't make a racket. ''[He pushes Beaver so that his rear is stuck to the floor, and tapes his mouth]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': Beaver, we know you've been smuggling jewels. ==== Episode 17, Lupin Caught in a Trap ==== :'''Lupin''': Oh, come on, Jigen. Don't look so cranky. :'''Jigen''': ''[defensively]'' I was born cranky. ==== Episode 22, The First Move Computer Wins Operation ==== :'''Zenigata''': ''[near tears]'' Damn that Lupin, acting all high and mighty. :'''Chief''': Inspector, calm down. :'''Zenigata''': ''[anxious]'' But... === Lupin III Part II === ==== Episode 1, The Dashing Entrance of Lupin III ==== :'''Jigen''': ''[respectfully taking off his hat]'' These are hard times for innocent bystanders. What kind of amateur are we dealing with? ---- :''[Lupin, Jigen, Goemon and Fujiko sit on a raft in the middle of the ocean after the liner meant to trap them sinks]'' :'''Fujiko''': It's unbelievable. A billion dollars, it's all gone. Sunk in the ocean, for what? All for revenge. What a waste. :'''Lupin''': I just can't get over it. Old Pops, the constant pain in the rear, who hounded me across seven continents, is gone forever. It's really true what they say in the song, you don't know what you got until it's gone. :'''Jigen''': ''[crossing himself]'' Everybody's gotta go sometime. It's all just a long goodbye, Lupin. :'''Goemon''': Zenigata is now with his ancestors. :''[All four have a moment of silent prayer]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[choking up]'' Poor Pops. :'''Zenigata''': Lupin, you weasel! We had a deal! Get your butt over here! :''[The four of them see Zenigata riding a turtle]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[relieved]'' Pops! Is that you? We thought you were dead! Oh, I could kiss you, ya big lug! Let's get out of here, guys! The chase is on again! Woo-hoo! :''[The gang paddles the raft to New York City. Zenigata spurs the turtle forward, but it throws him off]'' :'''Zenigata''': Wait, Lupin! ==== Episode 2, A Bouquet of Bills Blossoms in Rio's Sunset ==== :'''Jail Security Guard''': Hey, knock it off in there! That tapping's driving me crazy! :'''Lupin''': Oh, sorry there, pal. But you're not officially crazy until you go... BLEH! BLEH! BLEH! ==== Episode 3, Hitler's Legacy ==== :'''Lupin''': ''[shivering and sneezing]'' I still don't get why it took you guys twenty minutes to haul me back on board! :'''Fujiko''': Actually, we could've had you out a lot sooner, lover, but everybody agreed that cold water was exactly what was needed to cure your... voyeurism. :'''Jigen''': In fact, we're gonna keep some handy. :'''Lupin''': Very funny. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[about Genhalter]'' The bad news is he's in East Berlin. :'''Fujiko''': What? East Berlin? Isn't that a little ironic? :'''Lupin''': War's over, guy says, "Hey, they may be Commies, but at least they're fellow homicidal totalitarians." ---- :''[Japanese original]'' :'''Lupin''': Maybe I'll just become a little birdie! ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[seized by West Berlin police]'' Hey, get off me! I almost had him this time, but what the hell do you care?! I know, you're only following orders! "Sieg heil!" ---- :'''Lupin''': I oughta take Rip Van Schickelgruber here and throw him back over the wall! ---- :'''Lupin''': Hey, ladies! This way! We got a rich widower with a heart condition! ---- :'''Zenigata''': Now, be a pal and pose with those transvestites. Come on, it's for my scrapbook. :'''Officer''': I'd never do that. I'm a police officer. :'''Zenigata''': Fine, fine, whatever. But don't just stand there like a big stiff. Smile at least, or something. Come on. :'''Officer''': This ''is'' my smile. :'''Zenigata''': ''[dryly]'' Big surprise. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[seeing the report cards]'' This was his secret stash?! He murders half the world and he's ashamed of ''this''?!? ==== Episode 4, I Can Hear Nessie's Song ==== :'''Goemon''': For Buddha's sake, Lupin, have some dignity. ---- :''[Lupin sees Fujiko being abducted by Dr. Oz]'' :'''Lupin''': Fujiko! Fujiko, hold on! I'm coming! ''[He grabs the oars]'' Come on, Jigen, we gotta help her! :''[He starts rowing at speed, causing Jigen to almost fall out and nearly drop the scotch]'' :'''Jigen''': Hey, hey, hey! The scotch! Who-o-oah! :''[Over on the boat, Fujiko feebly protests]'' :'''Fujiko''': No! Let go of me! :'''Dr. Oz''': Faster! Let's go! :''[Lupin rows frantically, inadvertently tossing Jigen up and down]'' :'''Lupin''': Fujiko! Fujiko! Fujiko! :'''Jigen''': ''[simultaneously]'' Uh! Ow! Oh! :'''Fujiko''': Lupin, help! :''[Dr. Oz turns the boat around. Lupin approaches it in the rowboat]'' :'''Lupin''': Don't worry! I'm coming! Here I am! :''[He swings at one of the men and hits him on the head]'' :'''Jigen''': Hey! Take it easy! I'm getting seasick! :''[A wave from the boat capsizes Lupin's small rowboat. Dr. Oz's motorboat drives away]'' :'''Fujiko''': Lupin! :''[Lupin and Jigen lie across the capsized boat]'' :'''Lupin''': Jigen! Get 'em, get 'em, get 'em! :'''Jigen''': ''[aiming his pistol]'' Hang on. I can't get a beat on 'em. :'''Lupin''': Come on! They're getting away! Shoot 'em, willya? :''[He impatiently hits Jigen over the head with an oar]'' :'''Lupin''': Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! :''[He looks over at Jigen, who is lying, dazed, across the capsized boat]'' :'''Lupin''': Oops. Sorry, pal. ---- :'''Goemon''': ''[after saving Lupin and Jigen from being taken out by an assassin]'' It's a good thing that one of us wasn't sleeping on the job. ---- :''Lupin suddenly cries out. Jigen shoves him to the ground as bullets rain over them]'' :'''Jigen''': Damn it! What in the hell is the matter with you, Lupin? :'''Lupin''': Matter?! What's the matter?! Ask my damn butt! :''[Lupin has a bear trap on his behind]'' :'''Jigen''': Ooh, that's gotta hurt. These guys are good. I mean, well, you know. ---- :''[Goemon pulls at the bear trap on Lupin's behind]'' :'''Lupin''': Ow! Easy, Goemon! :'''Goemon''': Transcend it. :''[Goemon pulls the thing free, ripping off the back of Lupin's pants in the process]'' :'''Lupin''': "Transcend it", my ass! :'''Goemon''': Ah, the old exploding bear trap in the ass trick. ''[He throws away the bear trap and it explodes]'' :'''Lupin''': ''ANYBODY HERE NOT TRYING TO KILL ME?!'' :'''Goemon''': Sorry. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Yep, that sedative would stop a Brahman bull. Prepare to be roped, tied and branded, little dogie. You can sleep it off on your way to prison, on a nice long flight. Not much legroom, but you won't notice. ''[He imagines wheeling a suitcase through the airport, with a dazed Lupin crammed inside. Zenigata imagines himself getting out a syringe]'' A little more? Just say no to drugs, kids. ''[He imagines himself injecting Lupin with the liquid and the thief passing out. Back in reality, he searches for where to aim]'' :'''Zenigata''': Head... neck... shoulder... heart... ''[He sets the crosshairs on Lupin's navel]'' Ah, perfect! There we go. :''[He fires the tranquilizer dart. Goemon rushes in and deflects the dart]'' :'''Zenigata''': Huh? ''[The dart hits Zenigata's forehead]'' ''Ow!!'' :'''British Officer''': You alright, sir? :''[Zenigata sits there, stunned. A dazed smile forms on his face]'' :'''Zenigata''': ''Yyyyeeeeessss, just fiiine.'' :'''British Officer''': Inspector Zenigata! ''[Zenigata yawns]'' Bloody hell. ''[Zenigata falls over backwards and passes out]'' ''Now'' what do I do? ---- :'''Jigen''': Uh, Lupin? I take it back. What I said about Nessie. :'''Lupin''': You? Yeah. Gimme a break. :'''Jigen''': No, really. I've been skeptical about the whole thing, but I'm starting to come around to your point of view. :'''Lupin''': Oh, really? And what brought about this conversion? :'''Jigen''': Oh, I don't know. Probably this fifty-foot sea serpent here. :'''Lupin''': Yeah, yeah. Very... ''[He turns around and finds that Jigen is absolutely correct]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': Help! I'm being eaten by a quaint folk legend! ---- :'''Dr. Oz''': What a touching tableau. I'm all choked up. :'''Jigen''': Not enough, if you ask me. :'''Dr. Oz''': I'd say that beard disqualifies you from weighing in on matters of taste. :'''Jigen''': Hey! Come on down here and say that! ---- :'''Lupin''': Smart guy like you? You really thought Nessie would be attracted to this tin can? :'''Dr. Oz''': Her mating habits are obscure. :'''Lupin''': I'm guessing yours must be too if you really thought this lame plan would work. :'''Dr. Oz''': You can bait me all you like, but it's all moot since your friend charmed Nessie for me. :'''Jigen''': Thanks a lot, Fujiko. :'''Fujiko''': Don't blame me. :'''Lupin''': It's, uh, kind of funny, you know? :''[He and Jigen burst out laughing]'' :'''Dr. Oz''': What is so amusing? :'''Fujiko''': I happen to have a nice singing voice! :'''Lupin''': It's just that it's not the first of your charms that comes to mind. :'''Fujiko''': Oh God, you're hopeless. :''[She knees Lupin in the chin]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': Fujiko, keep singing! ''Mother, father, please believe me, every word is true. I just glimpsed a...'' :''[The Loch Ness Monster heads back underwater]'' :'''Lupin''': Uh-oh, I don't think he likes my rendition very much. ==== Episode 5, I'll Show You How to Transport Gold Bullion ==== :'''Lupin''': You keep trying, Pops. At least the law of averages is on your side, if nothing else. ---- :''[The gang arrive in Nice and trudges along the Promenade des Anglais]'' :'''Jigen''': Oh man, I am so glad to be out of that friggin' forest. :'''Lupin''': Walking all night, starving to death, I can't take another step... Whoa, a restaurant! Woo-hoo! ==== Episode 6, Is the Leaning Tower of Pisa Standing? ==== :'''Lupin''': Of course it's leaning, Jigen. It's just, after all that chianti, you are, too. :'''Jigen''': Oh. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Lupin! ''[He finds he's sitting on a dolphin's back. It dives into the water]'' Hey! ''[It dives back out again]'' Whoa! Cut it out! I'm on official business here! Whoa! ''[And it dives in and out again]'' Stop! I'm serious! ''[And again]'' I'll get you for this, Lupi- ''[And again]'' How do you turn this thing off? ==== Episode 7, Tutankhamun's 3,000 Year-Old Curse ==== :'''Jigen''': Inshallah, you two. ''[He exits, then pops his head back around the door]'' That basically means "good friggin' luck", pal. ---- :'''Zenigata''': I need a seat on the next direct flight to Cairo. :'''Clerk''': If that's your idea of a joke, sir, it's not appreciated. :'''Zenigata''': Listen, I don't know what the hell you're talking about, pal, but I need a... :'''Clerk''': This is an Israeli airport, sir. There are no direct flights to any Arab country. :''[Enraged, Zenigata grabs the clerk by his shoulders]'' :'''Zenigata''': Look, you, this is the last time I'm gonna ask you nicely. Get me a flight to Cairo! :'''Clerk''': Security! Hurry! We've got a lunatic! :''[The guards beat Zenigata and drag him away]'' :'''Zenigata''': No! Wait! Please! I'm one of the good guys, really! ---- :'''Jigen''': I know we're superstitious, but are we ''this'' superstitious? ---- :'''Goemon''': The sun sets, and the sun rises again. :'''Jigen''': The same sun the Pharaohs worshipped thousands of years ago. :''[Fujiko enters onto the deck, carrying the mask]'' :'''Fujiko''': Yes. You know our lives really are just the blink of an eye. :''[The guys notice Fujiko. All pause thoughtfully.]'' :'''Jigen''': How's he doing down there, anyway? :'''Fujiko''' Once he knew we were heading for the Valley of the Kings, he smiled and fell fast asleep. :'''Goemon''': Fujiko, is that the...? :''[Fujiko nods]'' :'''Fujiko''': I'm so ashamed of myself. I just hope it's not too late to return it. ''[Jigen and Goemon stare at her perspicaciously]'' He fell asleep in my arms, babbling and shivering. It was unbearable, seeing him like that, frail and frightened. He was clinging to me like a newborn baby. ---- :'''Fujiko''' The blood on the cuffs is his. He had to yank his hands free. You know as well as I do, Inspector, that if Lupin were in his right mind, he could just slip right out of them. :'''Zenigata''': You know, you got a point there. So, then, where would he be? :'''Fujiko''': He must be in the Valley of the Kings. :''[She covers her mouth as she realizes she just tipped off Zenigata. A broad, gleeful smile spreads across Zenigata's face]'' :'''Zenigata''': Much obliged, Fujiko. ---- :'''Lupin''': So, how was I? As a king? :'''Fujiko''': Sick and scary. :'''Lupin''': I mean, you know, before that. :'''Fujiko''': Oh, you want to know about... :'''Lupin''': Uh-huh. :'''Fujiko''': No, you didn't bring out the concubine in me. ''[Lupin is crestfallen]'' You were goofy. You should have seen yourself. :'''Lupin''': Damn! ==== Episode 8, The Venice Superexpress ==== :'''Lupin''': ''[in disguise]'' Hey, train dudes! Like, wait up, y'know? ---- :'''Lupin''': Hey, Jigen, listen up. Remember that map? :'''Jigen''': M-hm. Yeah. What about it? :'''Lupin''': You must have left it at the hotel. Zenigata found it and he's on the train. :'''Jigen''': What? Really? Nah. That's impossible. I'd never make a rookie mistake like that. :'''Goemon''': There's a simple way to resolve this. :''[Jigen sighs and searches his own jacket]'' :'''Jigen''': Yeah, sure, I got it right he- Where the hell is it? Aw, man. :'''Lupin''': Don't sweat it. Pops'll be looking for us, and luckily we're in disguise. I'm sure he's clueless about Martino. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Guess we're sharing this compartment. Come on, sit down. :'''Lupin''': Uh, no, man. It's like, you know... later! ''[He opens the next door, and finds Fujiko changing]'' Yeah! ''[She throws her shoe at him]'' :'''Fujiko''': Dirty hippy! :''[Zenigata peers out the doorway of his compartment. Lupin, seeing him, quickly gets up, whistles to himself with feigned innocence and hastily ducks into his own compartment]'' :'''Zenigata''': I could swear I heard a woman scream out here. ''[He heads to Fujiko's compartment and peers inside]'' Excuse me, but I thought... ''[Fujiko screams and throws her other shoe at Zenigata]'' Oww. ''[He reveals a shoe print on his face from where Fujiko hit him]'' ---- :'''Fujiko''': ''[in disguise]'' So, you're actually on a case, Inspector? How exciting! :'''Zenigata''': Oh, yeah? Exactly how excited are you? :''[Fujiko gasps at his tone. Zenigata reveals himself, without taking off his mask, to be Lupin in disguise]'' :'''Lupin''': You know, that jockey's outfit back there was giving me ideas. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Why, you're Lupin! Hold it right there! :'''Lupin''': Nope. ---- :'''Fujiko''': Lupin, listen! You gotta get out of there! You're gonna crash on that bridge up ahead! :'''Lupin''': Get over there first and blow up the bridge! :'''Fujiko''': No, you're insane! Don't do it! You're gonna plunge into the gorge! :'''Lupin''': Just do it, willya? Not that I don't appreciate your concern, sweetheart. :'''Fujiko''': ''[acting like a tsundere]'' Did you think I was talking about you? It's the loot I'm worried about! :''[Lupin reacts with frustration]'' ==== Episode 9, What Do You Think of the Ukiyo-e Blues ==== :'''Sharaku''': Water. Please, I... :''[He grabs Jigen's scotch]'' :'''Jigen''': No! Don't you drink that! It's not water, it's... :''[Sharaku downs the scotch]'' :'''Jigen''': Don't you... :''[Sharaku finishes the scotch and lies back down]'' :'''Jigen''': Damn it. Just my luck. This he's got the strength to finish. ---- :'''Jigen''': I hope he's just hungover. ==== Episode 10, Steal File M123 ==== :''[Lupin and Fujiko are locked in a basement]'' :'''Lupin''': Well, the good thing is, I don't think it's Hell. :'''Fujiko''': Not a real far cry, though. ---- :'''Jigen''': You know, you're like a friggin' teenager, Lupin. You gotta grow up, man. :'''Lupin''': ''[petulantly]'' I am ''not'' like a teenager! You guys suck! Go on, take off. Who needs ya? ''[He hears Jigen and Goemon leaving]'' It's not fair! Everyone's being mean to me! ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[as Zenigata]'' I'd say the acting's a bit over the top, wouldn't you? :'''Zenigata''': I'm not acting, me! ---- :'''Goemon''': ''[as Zenigata]'' Hey! What the hell is everybody doing dressed up like me? ---- :'''Chief''': Mr. Zenigata. :'''Zenigatas''': Yes! :''[The chief groans]'' :'''Zenigata''': Listen, I'm the real Zenigata. I should know who the hell I am, shouldn't I? :'''Zenigata 2''': ''[Lupin]'' He's lying, sir! :'''Zenigata 1''': ''[Jigen]'' They're all lying! :'''Zenigata 4''': ''[Goemon]'' Except for me! ---- :'''Zenigata''': Stewardess! Don't let them on there! :'''Jigen''': How did he get out? ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[seeing Zenigata on his and Lupin's tail]'' Butt pain at six o'clock. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Lupin, I know you can hear me. :'''Lupin''': That's a Roger, Red Baron. I'm here. :'''Zenigata''': I know you stole the file from Scotland Yard. Over. :'''Lupin''': Just casing the competition. Over. :'''Zenigata''': You better hand it over. Over. :'''Lupin''': Why don't you roll me in the clover? Over. :'''Zenigata''': ''YOU GO TO HEEEEEELLLL!'' Uh, over. ---- :'''Goemon''': So, the belt explodes if I do this? :'''Lupin''': Hey, hey! Not funny. ---- :'''Lupin''': Who wants chicken nuggets!? ---- :'''Jigen''': Are you sure? That was from the Queen, inviting you to Buckingham Palace, to thank you for your cooperation with Scotland Yard. :'''Lupin''': What?! The Queen?! Buckingham Palace?? ''Aaaagh!'' Get back here! Why didn't you tell me? I always wanted to meet the Queen! ==== Episode 11, Wager on the Monaco GP ==== :'''Jigen''': Goemon, are you in? :'''Goemon''': Hmm... Why not? I'll give it a try. :'''Jigen''': Are you saying you've never been before? ---- :'''Lupin''': This is just great! After all the work I put into that stupid race tomorrow! :'''Jigen''': It's your own damn fault. :'''Lupin''': ''I KNOW!!!'' ---- :'''Jigen''': May I remind you the last time she got us a good deal was ''never''? ---- :'''Fujiko''': I've always thought of you boys as close relatives. :'''Lupin''': ''[incredulously]'' Yeah? That's what Lizzie Borden said. ---- :'''Lupin''': I can't believe I lost all that money. :'''Fujiko''': Yeah? Well, that was ''my'' money, you big dumb jerk! :''[She scratches his face]'' :'''Lupin''': Help! She's gonna kill me! :''[He flees down the promenade, with Fujiko in pursuit]'' :'''Fujiko''': You wish! Killing's too good for you! ==== Episode 12, A Present for the President ==== :'''Zenigata''': But I'm telling you, I'm the only one in the world who can capture this guy! :'''Bordeaux Chief''': I know what you are saying, but then why have you not captured him? :''[Zenigata hesitates]'' ---- :'''Bordeaux Chief''': Just follow me, Inspector Origami. :'''Zenigata''': Hey, the name's not Origami, it's Zenigata! ---- :''[Fujiko notices Lupin watching her get in the wine barrel]'' :'''Fujiko''': Grow up, will you? ''[Lupin giggles. As Fujiko gets into the barrel, she sees Goemon watching her]'' You, too? :'''Goemon''' ''[guiltily]'' Uh, me? Uh, I didn't see a thing. ---- :'''Bordeaux Chief''': It's all up to you, Inspector Epiglottis. ---- :'''Bordeaux Chief''': I know my job, Inspector Terra Cotta. ---- :'''Zenigata''': I knew you were settin' me up, Lupin. You had no idea where the bottle was, but I turned the tables on you, Lupin! I had him take me to the wrong place, and now you're hoist on your own whatever you call it. :'''Lupin''': ''[annoyed]'' "Petard", it's called a damn petard! ---- :''[Lupin is drunkenly driving the gang back to the hideout]'' :'''Jigen''': You sure you're okay to drive? :'''Lupin''': Oh, sure. I'm fine. Just fine. Little bit of alcohol like that isn't going to affect me. :'''Fujiko''': ''[sitting in the back with Goemon]'' Lupin, cut it out! ---- :''[Lupin and Goemon are seriously hungover]'' :'''Jigen''': You guys are a couple of lightweights. :'''Lupin''': Come on, man, keep it down, willya? :'''Jigen''': Ah, geez... :'''Goemon''': You know, just for the record, I've never been hungover from drinking sake. :'''Lupin'''': Gee, you think maybe that's cause it ''TASTES LIKE CRAP?!'' ---- :'''Bordeaux Chief''': Ah, here you are, my dear good friend and colleague, Inspector Pennsylvania. Mon ami. ''[He vigorously pumps the hungover Zenigata's arm]'' Merci. Thanks to you, the bottle is perfectly safe with us. ''[He slaps Zenigata on the back]'' :'''Zenigata''': Hey, Lieutenant, you think you can get my name right if I promise not to throw up on your shoes? ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[in disguise, offering to kiss Zenigata on the cheek]'' 'Allo! What about me? :'''Zenigata''': Uh, no thanks. Gotta run. Bye! ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[to a flight attendant he doesn't realize is Fujiko in disguise, gesturing suggestively]'' I'll take whateeeever you're serving. :'''Fujiko''': ''[going behind a curtain]'' Ugh. :'''Zenigata''': Oh, miiiiss? :'''Fujiko''': ''[politely]'' I'll be right back. ''[to Lupin]'' Let's get this over with. Now he's flirting with me! ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[in a note to Zenigata]'' "Dear Inspector: In recognition of your nearly successful efforts, here's some really cheap crap. HA!" ---- :'''Bordeaux Chief''': You are twice the hero, Inspector Sanitation. :'''Zenigata''': Um, well, I mean, uh... :'''Bordeaux Chief''': Modest, too! ---- :'''Reporter''': Inspector, you know Lupin and his gang better than anyone. Why would they pass up a chance to steal a priceless historical artifact in favor of a crate full of dolls intended as Christmas presents for underprivileged children? :'''Zenigata''': It's really baffling, that's all I can say. :'''Lupin Gang''': What'd he say?! ==== Episode 13, The Great San Francisco Chase==== :'''Lupin hallucination''': Aw, you don't wanna kill me. I mean, that'd just be case of murder-suicide, now, wouldn't it, Pops? ''[He laughs maniacally]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': I can't believe we were beaten to the punch like that! :'''Goemon''': You really need to let that go, my friend. :'''Fujiko''': Goemon's right, Lupin. You're really losing perspective here. I mean, we just scored the biggest, most beautiful diamond I've ever laid eyes on. :'''Lupin''': And will you love it as much when it retails for five bucks? ---- :'''Henchman''': ''[witnessing Zenigata talking in his sleep about Lupin]'' The boss was right. This guy is seriously obsessed. ---- :'''Henchman''': ''[smelling Zenigata's breath]'' Son of a bitch. Smells like something died in here. Guy could use a mint. ---- :'''Henchman 2''': Anyways, all's I'm saying is, great game plan, great team, great execution. :'''Boss''': And, uh, speaking of execution, you know what happens to guys who double-cross me, right? :'''Henchman 2''': Eh, we did it. I swear. Here, look. We even took a picture when we finished. :''[He hands the boss the picture. The boss is so shocked his voice slips]'' :'''Lupin''': ''Zenigata?!'' He's the guy?? ---- :'''Goemon''': ''[knocking out the henchmen]'' They'll be fine... ish. ---- :'''Lupin''': Anyway, we already know where the microfilm is. :'''Jigen''': Hell of a lot of good that does us. Though some fun pictures do come to mind. ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[after the psychiatrist uses a bizarre analogy to describe his depression]'' I suppose I should be flattered by that, but I guess I'm just too depressed. ---- :'''Zenigata''': You're not real... You're not real... You're not real! :'''Lupin''': Yoo-hoo! ''[He waggles his tongue at Zenigata. The Inspector screams and runs down the street, leaving a confused Lupin standing there]'' ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[while driving after Zenigata]'' He's driving like a friggin' maniac. ''[An amused little smile spreads across his face]'' I gotta admit it, though: It does feel kinda nice to be running ''his'' sorry ass ragged for a change. ---- :'''Jigen''': Admit it, you were blinded by diamonds and you betrayed us... just like a typical woman. ---- :'''Lupin''': Open wide now, Inspector Sleeping Beauty. ''[He holds Zenigata's nose. The Inspector sneezes violently, and the microfilm goes flying]'' What...? Hey! It's not in there! What's going on? :'''Fujiko''': Wh... Wha...? :'''Jigen''': ''[whistling and pointing to show the direction the microfilm flew in and then pointing to the ocean]'' Mmm... hm. Ker-plop. ---- :'''Lupin''': So, Pops, I hear you talk about me in your sleep! :'''Zenigata''': Shut up, shut up, shut ''up''! ==== Episode 14, The Great Caribbean Adventure ==== :'''Lupin''': Title! ---- :'''Goemon''': When a fever like that proves impervious to every stratagem of Western medicine, it's time for a little Jiryu-toh. :'''Lupin''': What the hell is Jiryu-toh? :'''Goemon''': It's a broth of pregnant earthworms. :''[Lupin gags]'' :'''Lupin''': Oh man, you gotta be kidding me. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Hey, that looked like them! Naw, it can't be. My brain's just rattled from this damn donkey ride. I mean, lots of people go hang-gliding into remote drug cult temples all the time and then... OH! IT IS HIM! ---- :'''Lupin''': You're not fooling me! I saw "The Wizard of Oz" 100 times! :'''Black Magician''': Alright, very well, then. Just trying to have a little fun, for heaven's sakes. ---- :''[The ruby has poor Zenigata hypnotised]'' :'''Zenigata''': My darling, you're so smooth and silky and stuff. Even smoother than mommy, and don't tell her, but I think you even smell a little better. It'll be our little secret... ==== Episode 15, The Great Detectives Take to the Sky==== :''[Zenigata rushes to the blimp as the gangway starts to close]'' :'''Zenigata''': Hey, hold it! I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming! :'''Announcer''': And we almost forgot Inspector Zenigata of Interpol. :''[Zenigata dives for the steps but misses. He jumps at the gap in between the steps]'' :'''Zenigata''': Damn it all, I just... :''[He lifts himself onto the steps, and they close, almost crushing him]'' :'''Announcer''': As did everyone else, apparently. ---- :'''Fujiko''': ''[doing a bad Peter Lorre impression]'' Gentlemen, dinner is served. ---- :'''Gabriel''': Lupin only has until midnight to steal this treasure. After that, not even the greatest thief in the world could pull it off. :'''Lupin''': ''[as Sherlock Holmes III]'' Quite brilliant, really. I must say. It's got me pondering the best orifice for my stamp collection. :'''Zenigata''': Uh... No way. I'm not gonna touch that one. Three hours left. :'''Gabriel''': So, come on. Candyland? Moustrap? Hungry Hippos? ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[as Archer]'' Why don't you just slip me a mickey? I mean, you got anything a little peppier? You know, like... ''[He drums on a bottle and hums a tune before falling over backwards]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': Just give it up. There's no way out of this this time, Lupin. We're puttin' you on ice for good and I got your mittens right here. ''[He pulls out a pair of handcuffs]'' :'''Lupin''': That's very kind, but you might wanna save those for that cold day in hell when I admit defeat. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[previewing the next episode]'' Oh, man, how did I get so ugly? And mean? Is that really me? Something funny's going on and I don't mean ha-ha funny like this. It's shocking. It's exciting. It's smack-me-up-the-head-and-call-me-Patsy. Catch you later! ==== Episode 16, The Two Faces of Lupin==== :'''Zenigata''': Lupin likes to think of himself as some sort of a gentleman thief. If he says he'll be here at three o'clock Thursday morning, you can count on it. ---- :'''Zenial''': What could you possible want, ma cherie? :'''Fujiko''': To feel loved, of course, mon petit escargot. :'''Zenial''': ''[confused]'' Your little... snail? ---- :'''Lupin''': So someone's running around impersonating me. I mean, what's so hard to grasp? I am something of a celebrity, you know. :'''Fujiko''': He dresses like you, he sounds like you, and he's got your fingerprints. :'''Lupin''': Yeah, but he's not as handsome, according to you. :'''Fujiko''': So what? You're a master of disguise, and I didn't say handsome anyway. ---- :'''Fujiko''': Whatever. You guys stick together, and I'll stick to my principles, like not working with killers. :''[She leaves in a huff]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[frustrated]'' What a hypocritical bitch! "Principles", my ass. ---- :'''Fake Lupin''': You know, if this was good enough to con a couple of cons like that, we just might win an Academy Award. :'''Dr. Normil''': Uh-huh. I could be Geffen, and you Katzenberg. But right now, I'd suggest that we check on our little Robert Downey Jr. :''[Lupin is slumped over the table, motionless and groaning]'' :'''Fake Lupin''': This I gotta see. How much of that stuff did you slip in? :''[Lupin completely passes out, drifting off into a deep sleep]'' :'''Dr. Normil''': ''[with a wicked chuckle]'' Enough. Yes, and he'll have absolutely no memory of anything that's happened. :'''Fake Lupin''': Yeah, or of anything that didn't happen either. :'''Dr. Normil''': ''[laughing]'' Exactly! ---- :''[Lupin stands on a tire and puts his head in a noose]'' :'''Lupin''': It's been fun... 'til now. :''[He kicks the tire away, but the second he does, a bullet from a revolver cuts the rope]'' :'''Lupin''': Damn it! Can't a guy kill himself in peace?!? :'''Fujiko''': Sorry, Lupin, but I just can't let you do this. ---- :''[Tied to a chair, Lupin suddenly tenses. Fujiko gasps]'' :'''Fujiko''': It's midnight, right on the dot! :''[Lupin writhes in his seat. Fujiko cocks her gun]'' :'''Fujiko''': Lupin, sorry I have to do this. We'll be together soon. :'''Lupin''': No, wait! It's a... It's a... :''[He sneezes]'' :'''Fujiko''': ''[relieved]'' I knew I was right. You're not a killer. In fact, you're even allergic to death. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[disguised as Dr. Normil]'' Aha! There he is! Look! :'''Zenigata''': Give me those. ''[He snatches the binoculars, nearly accidentally strangling Lupin, who still has the binoculars cord around his neck]'' ---- :'''Fujiko''': Old Pops is going to be really disappointed, but at least he didn't go empty-handed, you know? ==== Episode 17, Aim for the Oildollar ==== :'''Jigen''': Okay, Goemon. You take his right leg, I'll take his left one. :''[They grab Lupin, hold him upside down and shake him]'' :'''Lupin''': Ooh! Ooh! Hey! Guys! Easy! Ow! Ooh! Uh! Ooh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! ---- :''[Jigen paces back and forth across the room]'' :'''Goemon''': We did everything we could. You know that, Jigen. :'''Jigen''': Yeah, I know, I know. :'''Fujiko''': Poor Lupin. :'''Lupin''': ''[from the bathroom]'' Oh! Atlantic Ocean! :''[He emerges feebly from the bathroom]'' :'''Jigen''': What happened? Are you all right? :'''Lupin''': Yeah. I'm fine. ''[He presents the bomb Lawrence made him swallow]'' But that horse laxative almost did me in. ---- :'''Goemon''': Shut up and have some dignity, for god's sake. ''[Fujiko blows a raspberry at him]'' Real mature. ---- :'''Lupin''': What? But, hey! What about all the money? :'''Fujiko''': Hey, I wasn't exactly in a strong bargaining position or anything. :'''Lupin''': Yeah, but, couldn't you... You know... :'''Fujiko''': What, take on the whole group of them in alphabetical order? :'''Jigen''': Well, it's not like it'd be the first time or anything. ==== Episode 18, The Black Panther ==== :'''Lupin''': This is great. I mean, this is the ultimate mother of all birthday presents. Can you imagine her reaction when she opens it up? "You're giving me the Black Panther? Oh, Lupin, I love you! Come over here, I want to be your little pussycat!" ''[He makes kissing sounds near Goemon]'' :'''Goemon''': First, I'm not a prop for your sexual fantasies. Secondly... ''[He pushes Lupin away]'' You don't have it yet. ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[showing the hotel clerk a picture of Lupin]'' This is what he looks like. Well, most of the time, I mean. Sometimes he's a woman, or an eskimo, or... Anyway, have you seen him? ---- :''[The gang spies on Conaiseau]'' :'''Jigen''': It sounds like they're getting ready to hit the road. Yeah, you called it, Lupin. :'''Lupin''': I still can't figure it, though. This guy's nuts. At least with Pops, it's all, you know, pretty damn... predictable. :'''Zenigata''': ''[suddenly appearing at the window]'' ''Well, well!'' :'''Lupin''': Usually, anyway! :'''Zenigata''': All of you, out of the car now! :'''Lupin''': Well, what can one say to a gracious invitation like that except... Bleh! FLOOR IT! :''[The gang drives away]'' ---- :'''Jigen''': Where the hell are these guys going? :'''Lupin''': Beats me. Better not be one of those three-hour tours you hear about on Nick@Nite. :'''Jigen''': ''[chuckling]'' Yeah. ---- :'''Lupin''': Sounds to me like someone's afraid he might not measure up. :'''Jigen''': Oh, that's ridiculous, man! My resemblance to Dillinger inspired me to pursue this career! :'''Lupin''': What, his scrawny ass? :'''Jigen''': Okay, fine! If it'll shut you up, let's just go! ---- :'''Naturist Woman''': Can't you read? This is a restricted area. Women only. Where's your registration tag? :'''Lupin''': ''[leering]'' Gee, I forget. I guess you'll just have to frisk me. :''[A woman scratches Lupin's face. He and Conaiseau are chased by a mob of angry women]'' :'''Conaiseau''': That's no way to charm a lady! :'''Lupin''': Oh, like I'm gonna take lessons from you! ==== Episode 20, Lupin Up Against the Wall ==== :'''Zenigata''': ''[to Lupin]'' You're coming with me! ''[Fujiko knocks him out]'' Ow. :'''Fujiko''': Clumsy me. ---- :'''Generalissimo Hatler''': Mobilize the tanks! :'''Hess''': Ja wohl! :'''Zenigata''': ''[gagged with tape]'' Not the tanks, you big gorilla! Can't you see? That's just what he wants! He thrives on chaos! ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[through his gag]'' See you later, Lupin! You'll be hearing from me! ---- :'''Lupin''': I'd been meaning to ask you: How'd that flesh wound of yours heal up? :'''Fujiko''': I'm as good as new. :'''Lupin''': Really? Ooh... ''[He takes a look between Fujiko's breasts]'' I'll just... :''[Fujiko yelps and slaps Lupin.]'' :'''Fujiko''': ''Lupin''! :''[The young man careens down the hill in his wheelchair]'' :'''Lupin''': Whoooooa! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, noooooooo! :''[He passes Jigen and Goemon. Goemon rests by the trunk while Jigen is on one of the branches. Lupin continues screaming in the background]'' :'''Jigen''': Hey, we've done all we can for the guy. :'''Goemon''': He's on this own this time. :''[Lupin bumps along the dirt path, yelping. Zenigata approaches in his path]'' :'''Zenigata''': Whoa, what's that? ''[Lupin speeds uncontrollably in his direction]'' Hey, wait a minute! :'''Lupin''': I can't stop! :''[Zenigata runs towards Lupin]'' :'''Zenigata''': It's Lupin! ''[He decides it's a good idea to run back in the other direction]'' Hey! Whoa! :'''Lupin''': Pops! Wait! Please help me! :'''Zenigata''': Hey! Get away from me! ''[Zenigata runs down a hill shoulder with Lupin bouncing close behind]'' Get away from me! What are you doing? Let go of me! :'''Lupin''': Help! Help! :''[They crash into each other and fall over]'' ==== Episode 23, Witch of the Fourth Dimension ==== :'''Chief''': Well, give my regards to Speed Racer. I bid you adieu. :'''Zenigata''': ''[into his hat]'' Penis! :'''Chief''': Pardon? :''[Zenigata turns and hits his head on the door]'' :'''Zenigata''': Ow. Must have caught a cold or something. ''[He feigns another sneeze]'' Asswipe! ---- :'''French Taxi Driver''': Who are you? :'''Zenigata''': ''[sarcastically]'' I'm Jerry Lewis! :''[He hijacks the taxi]'' :'''French Taxi Driver''': You've lost weight! ---- :'''Zenigata''': I'm a very grumpy guy. ---- :'''Jigen''': Hey, Goemon. :'''Goemon''': Yes? What? Well? :'''Jigen''': It's Fujiko. She wants to talk to Lupin. :'''Goemon''': Uh-oh. :'''Jigen''': I know. I'm afraid just hearing her voice. It's gonna be enough to make him jump out the window or something. :'''Lupin''': BANZAI! :''[a glass window breaks]'' :'''Jigen''': You know? ---- :'''Bujiko''': Now here's a map, whether you believe it or not. I think it's in some kind of code. :'''Lupin''': That looks like... hieroglyphics! :''[Remembering the curse of King Tutankhamun, Lupin becomes very frightened]'' :'''Bujiko''': What the...? ''[She tenderly touches Lupin's chin as he trembles]'' You know, I don't understand what you're saying to me, Lupin, and that really ticks me off. :'''Lupin''': It's the curse of King Tut. I already did that one! :'''Bujiko''': But it's kind of cute, you know? ==== Episode 24, The Phantom Thief Nezumi Kozō ==== :'''Lupin''': Okay, so who've you ticked off? :'''Goemon''': No one. :'''Jigen''': ''[to Lupin]'' He's got a point. I mean, ''you're'' the annoying one on this team. ---- :'''Goemon''': Huh? There's a light on. This guy's brazen. ---- :'''Rat Boy''': And I didn't just bathe in there, either. ---- :'''Goemon''': What's this? :'''Rat Boy''': Well, with books, it usually helps to open them up. ---- :'''Goemon''': Whoa, what's all this? :'''Rat Boy''': Well, it's your ancestor, Goemon the Tenth, having a bad hair day, apparently. ---- :'''Rat Boy''': If that doesn't tell you how close they were, then maybe I could draw you a picture. :'''Goemon''': Uh, no, that's alright. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Holy crap, where is he, damn it all?! ''[He opens the door, smashing the Chief]'' Chief, are you here?! ---- :'''Chief''': Cause if we do fail... It's... ''[He makes a throat-slicing motion and a gagging noise]'' :'''Zenigata''': Don't worry about it, Chief. This one's a no-brainer. ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[bursting into Lupin's room]'' Hey, Lupin, we've got a problem. ''[To his dismay, he finds the young man snoring away in bed]'' Oh, man. Look at him. ''[He opens the curtains, then shakes Lupin gently on the shoulder]'' Hey, buddy, get out of bed. It's lunchtime. ''[Lupin sleeps blissfully on]'' Wouldn't you know it? Dead to the world. I swear to God, this guy could sleep through World War friggin' Three. Sorry, man, but I'm afraid you leave no alternative. Gotta bring out the heavy artillery. Hey, Fujiko! Put on some clothes! :''[Lupin wakes up immediately. He springs out of his bed, inadvertently throwing his duvet over Jigen]'' :'''Lupin''': Huh?! Where?! Tell me! Come on! :'''Jigen''': ''[throwing the cover off]'' She's not here, Lupin. :'''Lupin''': What the-? Hey! That's low! I'll get you. Just you wait. ---- :'''Jigen''': Hey, hey Romeo. We only got till tomorrow at noontime. :'''Lupin''': Thanks, ''mom''. Don't wait up for me now. I can let myself in. ---- :'''Officer''': This guy was drunk and disorderly, Inspector. Put up quite a fight on the way here. :'''Zenigata''': ''THEN LOCK HIM UP! WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO, MAKE YOU A POT OF COFFEE?! GO ON! GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!'' ---- :'''Ratboy''': ''[to his mouse]'' Okay, Liza. Make me proud. ---- :'''Ratboy''': ''[in disguise, while in the men's room]'' Uh, well, I, uh, thought I smelled gas... :'''Zenigata''': Oh, yeah? :''[He slowly approaches Ratboy, who stands there, terrified. Then Zenigata laughs lightly]'' :'''Zenigata''': Well, doesn't that, you know, sorta come with the territory? ---- :''[Jigen is woken by the sun's glare]'' :'''Jigen''': Crap! ''[He checks his watch]'' Huh? How the hell did I sleep so late? Damn it. Some kind of a lookout. I must be getting old, or something. ''[He hears Lupin's laughter behind him]'' Lupin! Listen, man. I have no idea know how this happened. I mean, one minute, I'm scoping out the plaza down there, and the next thing I know... :'''Lupin''': ''[calming him down]'' It's okay. Ratboy's been working for us all night. :'''Jigen''': What? The rat? Working for us? :'''Lupin''': Yeah, and he's not half bad, either. I mean, you know, for a super-annoying, ugly little pimple-beaked freakazoid. So, that crate pretty comfortable? ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[laughing at the ridiculous situation while also hearing Ratboy's laugh]'' Oh, brother. Does he always laugh like that? :'''Jigen''': I'm afraid so. ==== Episode 25, The Coming of the Iron Lizards ==== :'''Jigen''': Uh, Lupin? :'''Lupin''': Yeah? :'''Jigen''': Knock, knock. :'''Lupin''': Who's there? :'''Jigen''': Land shark! ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[disguised as a guard]'' Admittedly, it's all a bit Coyote and Road Runner, but it works. ---- :'''Fujiko''': Quit staring down my slip and pull me up! ---- :'''Zenigata''': Well, at least he's alive. Thank goodness for that. ==== Episode 26, The Rose and the Pistol ==== :''[Jigen starts after the woman's kidnappers]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[pinkies cuffed]'' Hey, Jigen, wait! Give me a hand here! :'''Jigen''': Damn, how the hell did that happen? :''[Lupin struggles with the cuffs, which are being held on a long piece of twine by an unconscious Zenigata]'' :'''Jigen''': Look, handle yourself. I'd better go. :'''Lupin''': Hey! Get back here! ''[He goes over to Zenigata and fishes for a keyring. He finds to his disappointment that there are lots of keys]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': I don't dare set foot outside wearing this fleschuganah thing on my pinkie! I mean, what if it's some weird code that says I wanna get spanked by a skinhead or something? ==== Episode 27, Find the Cinderella Stamp==== :'''Jigen''': ''[while Lupin and Fujiko argue with Alice]'' OK, now, children, let's just... ---- :''[Alice pretends that Fujiko is her mother, so the police ask her to come with them]'' :'''Jigen''': Call me when you're done, uh, ''darling''. ---- :'''Lupin''': This is bad for our reputation. I mean, if anything, ''she'' kidnapped ''us''! :'''Jigen''': Well if you ask me, I'm not sure that's much better for our reputation. ---- :''[Jigen pistol-whips the officers holding Lupin]'' :'''Jigen''': Leave this to me. You go get the girl. :''[Lupin runs off down the street after the girl, and Zenigata runs after him]'' :'''Lupin''': ''ALIIICE!'' :'''Zenigata''': ''LUPIIIN!'' ==== Episode 29, Electroshock Pigeon Tactics ==== :''[Lupin's car is out of control]'' :'''Jigen''': Slow down, would ya? :'''Lupin''': I can't! :'''Jigen''': What do you mean, you can't? :'''Lupin''': Hey, the friggin' brakes are out! :''[He presses on the brakes to show Jigen]'' :'''Lupin''': See? :'''Jigen''': What? Well, don't just tap'em! :'''Lupin''': I'm not just tapping! Look! :'''Jigen''': Then how come it's not stopping? :'''Lupin''': Because... the brakes... ''ARE OUT!'' ---- :'''Jigen''': Call me superstitious, but next time you're thinking about that broad, don't actually say her name out loud, okay? :'''Fujiko''': ''[from down below]'' Lupin! :'''Lupin''': Huh? :'''Jigen''': No! :'''Lupin''': Hey! :'''Jigen''': Don't say it! :'''Lupin''': It's Fujiko! :'''Jigen''': Aw, crap. ---- :''[Zenigata sees Lupin and Jigen floating in mid air]'' :'''Zenigata''': GOOD GRAVY! :'''Baron''': Let me see! :''[He looks through the telescope]'' :'''Baron''': Ah, you see? Just as I told you. Hmm... :'''Zenigata''': It's the damnedest damn thing I ever saw in my damn life! ---- :'''Baron''': They're falling... They're thrown clear of the car which explodes... when then, they gently float down to earth, bobbing just over the water like pixies. ---- :'''Fujiko''': Will everything be... Well, you know, intent? :'''Doctor''': Ah, yes, I assume you refer to his hoo-hah. ---- :'''Lupin''': Her dot... and his dot... are like one big happy dot! ---- :'''Fujiko''': ''[tossing the bubble maker up and down in her hand]'' So tell me, did you invent this, or did you steal it? :'''Lupin''': Well, I guess that depends on which one would really impress you. :'''Fujiko''': I guess... I'd have to say if you invented it. :'''Lupin''': ''[leaning in for a kiss]'' Okay, then let's just say that I invented it, shall we? :'''Fujiko''': ''[holding up the pin-like tracking device Lupin planted in her hair]'' Okay. :''[She pops the bubble she and Lupin are in. Lupin begins to plummet towards the ocean and frantically claws at the air. Fujiko grows a new bubble for herself]'' :'''Fujiko''': Then you can just make yourself a new one. :'''Lupin''': But, Fujiko...! :'''Fujiko''': ''[mockingly]'' What? You didn't lie, did you? :'''Lupin''': ''Of course I diiiid!'' :''[Zenigata waits beneath Lupin as he plunges in his direction]'' :'''Zenigata''': ''Don't worry, Lupin! I'll catch you!'' :''[He grins eagerly]'' :'''Lupin''': MOMMYYYYY! :''[As Lupin nears the ocean's surface, Zenigata leaps out of the ocean at him]'' ==== Episode 30, The Winds of Morocco are Hot ==== :'''Lupin''': Listen, Commander, I really wish you all the best with this big bloodbath of yours, but, unfortunately, I'm not going to be sticking around. :'''Foreign Legion Commander''': Ah, I understand. Well, it's up to you. But I should warn you, the only way out of here is up those steps over there. :''[He points to a guillotine. Lupin grimly imagines himself being beheaded]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[in his imagination]'' Help me! Ahh! Help! Help me, please! I really don't wanna die! Help me, please! Please, stop! I'm too young to die! And too handsome, and charming, and... :''[Back in the real world, Lupin continues to stare at the blade]'' :'''Foreign Legion Commander''': But, hey, if you have to go, you have to go. I totally respect that. :'''Lupin''': ''[hopefully]'' And you're sure that's the only, only way? There's no, like, camel taxi or anything? ---- :'''Foreign Legion Commander''': Such petty rivalries are nothing but a bourgeois luxury, which the true revolutionary must abandon. Plus, I hate you. ---- :'''Lupin''': Damn. I haven't felt so trapped and helpless since the last time I went to Disneyland. But at least when I was at Disneyland, nobody ever forced me to share a teacup with Goofy. :'''Zenigata''': You'll be sharing a cell with rats when I get you back to Japan! :'''Lupin''': Yeah, well, be that as it may... It'll be the land of the ''setting'' sun for you if you stick around here and end up in the middle of some revolutionary uprising. :''[He imagines himself and Zenigata clinging to each other in the middle of a battlefield, then imagines himself crying over Zenigata's grave as the Inspector floats away as an angel]'' :'''Zenigata''': But... What about my poor mother?! ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[holding Lupin lightly by the back of his jacket]'' I got you right in the palm of my hand. And I'm not lettin' ya... :'''Lupin''': ''[pulling himself free]'' No wonder you never caught me. ---- :'''Foreign Legion Commander''': ''[attracted to a disguised Zenigata]'' What would I have to pay for her? :'''Lupin''': Trust me, you don't want her. :'''Foreign Legion Commander''': Why not? :'''Lupin''': Uh, well... I mean, it's just... ''[Zenigata makes a show of cuddling up to Lupin]'' You know... I love her so much. ''[He fake sobs]'' :'''Foreign Legion Commander''': Alright, get going. :'''Lupin''': Thank you. What a nice man. ==== Episode 31, Shoot Into the Midnight Sun ==== :''[An exhausted Zenigata knocks on the door of a Swedish police car]'' :'''Zenigata''': Zenigata, with Interpol. Would you give me a lift? :'''First Swedish Officer''': Ja, sure. :'''Zenigata''': I'm beat. ''[He gets in]'' It's ten o'clock. Why is it still light out? :'''First Swedish Officer''': We have a thing here called the midnight sun, and it... :'''Zenigata''': THAT WAS RHETORICAL! THE POINT IS, I HAVEN'T SLEPT IN A WEEK! :'''First Swedish Officer''': Ah, well. Here, try this eye mask. :'''Zenigata''': Oh, yeah? Huh. ''[He ties it around his face, then yawns]'' :'''Second Swedish Officer''': ''[not realizing Zenigata is already asleep]'' I'm guessing you got some tip about Mr. Lupin. :'''Zenigata''': ''[startled]'' ARGH! WHERE? DAMN! LUPIN! ''[He holds up his hands]'' Whoa! I can't see! ''What's goin' on?!'' Hey! Is it... the apocalypse? :'''First Swedish Officer''': It's just the eye mask. You're fine. :''[Zenigata pulls up the eye mask]'' :'''Zenigata''': ''[sheepishly]'' Uh... I knew that. ''[He looks out the back window]'' Damn midnight sun's a menace! :''[He clears his throat and pulls the eye mask back down]'' :'''First Swedish Officer''': So, what's Lupin doing here? :'''Zenigata''': Well, it isn't really that clear yet. Could be, he's trying to make his way to the North Pole. Yep, it's the closest place to the old midnight sun this time of the year. He'll blast off in a rocket ship and steal it, I tell ya. I just figured it out. He's gonna steal the sun, mama, so he can get away with everything. ''[The officers exchange confused glances]'' But I'm not gonna care at all, 'cause it's gonna be... so dark. :''[He yawns loudly. The officers shrug. Lupin and Jigen approach the car]'' :'''Jigen''': Is that Pops in the back seat, blindfolded? :'''Lupin''': Sure looks like it. Poor guy just can't seem to catch a break. :''[He gets out a cigarette and goes up to the officers]'' :'''Lupin''': Hi. How's it going, guys? Mind if I borrow your lighter for a second? :'''Second Swedish Officer''': There's no smoking in our town. :'''Lupin''': ''[reaching in through the back window]'' Ah. It slipped my mind. :''[He and Jigen walk away laughing. Zenigata wakes up suddenly]'' :'''Zenigata''': Hey! Wait a minute! Lupin did it! Seen that everything's all dark! :'''Second Swedish Officer''': Inspector, take off your mask. :''[Zenigata does so]'' :'''Zenigata''': I didn't... talk in my sleep or anything, did I? :'''Swedish Officers''': ''[as Zenigata rubs his eyes]'' Not a word. ---- :'''Goemon''': So then, what's the plan? :'''Lupin''': What the hell do you think? Plunder. :'''Goemon''': Because? :'''Jigen''': Huh? :'''Lupin''': Just think of the consequences if we didn't do it. One of those girls is going to die, and do you want that on your conscience? I know I don't and... Uh, well... :'''Goemon''': Go on. :'''Jigen''': And because... it's what we do. :'''Lupin''': Uh, yeah. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[still digging]'' 'Cause that was different... The curse was on that mask, so I totally understood... But this is just crazy. I mean, don't come crying to me when I'm sitting on the biggest... ==== Episode 32, Lupin Dies Twice ==== :'''Fujiko''': Come on, Lupin, please just let him catch you this one time. :'''Lupin''': So, I guess this means we're going to be giving up together. :'''Fujiko''': It does? :'''Lupin''': Sure! That's the power of love. :'''Fujiko''': I, love you? :'''Lupin''': You see? :'''Fujiko''': I'm not fooling around. :'''Lupin''': 'Cause this is all you need. :'''Fujiko''': You're gonna need a doctor. :'''Zenigata''': ''[feeling like he's having to come between a pair of squabbling children]'' Just shut up, you two! Both of ya! ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[on the phone]'' And the inscription on the headstone should read: "Here lies poor Lupin, Fujiko-less. At least if she visits, he can look up her dress." ---- :''[Zenigata and Fujiko rush to the morgue]'' :'''Zenigata''': Chief! Fill me in! What have you got here? :'''Chief''': Well, sir, we got a DOA ''[meaning "Dead on arrival"]''. And we got his partners here waiting to be interrogated. :'''Zenigata''': Hold on! Are you saying Lupin's deceased?! ''Do you think I was born yesterday or something?! Huh?!'' ''THE ONLY DUMMMY AROUND HERE IS THE DOA!'' :''[Zenigata, Fujiko and the chief enter the morgue]'' :'''Zenigata''': ''[scoffing]'' The old coffin gambit, Lupin? Come on, you big con artist. ''[He waves his handcuffs]'' Alright, open 'er up. :''[The mortician opens the coffin. Lupin lies inside, motionless and pale]'' :'''Zenigata''': That's our guy! :'''Fujiko''': ''No!'' :'''Zenigata''': Hey, Lupin! Get up! Come on! Hey, Lupin! Cut it out, willya? Come on! ''[He shakes the thief's head]'' I'm not kiddin', Lupin! This isn't funny! ''[He starts crying]'' Damn it, Lupin! It can't be true! :'''Chief''': Inspector, please, maybe you should control yourself. :'''Zenigata''': ''[sobbing]'' You can't really be dead! I never told you this before, but I love you! What am I gonna do without you? You're my whole reason to live! How could you do this to me? I hate you! No, I don't! I don't! I'm sorry! ''[He rubs his tear-streaked face against Lupin's]'' Please don't leave me, Lupin! :'''Chief''': ''[placing a comforting hand on Zenigata's shoulder]'' It's alright, Inspector. :''[Zenigata furiously handcuffs the officer, then, sobbing hysterically, tears out of the building, firing his pistol into the air]'' :'''Zenigata''': '''Puma! I'll get you, you son of a bitch!''' ---- :''[Zenigata is arrested]'' :'''Zenigata''': Hey! Wait, I ... ''[The officers throw him into cell with Jigen and Goemon]'' Ow. :'''Jigen''': Yo, Pops! :'''Zenigata''': Yo yourself, you damn bastard! I oughta... :''[He tackles Jigen]'' :'''Jigen''': What the... hey! :'''Zenigata''': What the hell kind of a partner are you anyway? How could you just let him go and die like that?! ---- :''[Lupin lies in his casket. Six feet above him, we hear the voices of the mortician and Fujiko]'' :'''Mortician''': It should be wearing off by now. :'''Fujiko''': And you're sure there's no chance he could have suffocated? :''[Inside the casket, a light turns on. We hear Lupin's heartbeat steadily growing louder]'' :'''Mortician''': A body in this kind of suspended animation requires very little oxygen. :''[Lupin exhales, then opens his eyes]'' :'''Fujiko''': You'd better be right about that. ---- :''[Lupin's casket is unearthed, just as the drugs he needed to fake his own death have worn off]'' :'''Lupin''': Mommy. ''[He yawns]'' What a nap. :''[Fujiko lifts off his casket lid and greets him with a knowing smile]'' :'''Fujiko''': Are you all right? :'''Lupin''' : ''[sitting up with a rose in his hand and an amorous expression on his face]'' You tell me. ''[He leans in to kiss Fujiko, surreptitiously placing the flower into her shirt, and she slaps hm]'' Hey, what the hell kind of greeting is that? I mean, especially after that touching tribute that I gave you on my headstone. :'''Fujiko''': ''[sarcastically]'' Yeah. Real romantic. :''[Lupin takes a look at the headstone]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[forgetting part of his phone conversation with the mortician]'' Hey! That's just crass! ---- :'''Lupin''': I wanted to see that face. Just once before I say... Hasta la bye bye! ==== Episode 34, Lupin Becomes a Vampire ==== :'''Lupin''': ''[stealing a gold statue]'' I'd like to thank the Academy and all the little people who made this possible, especially a certain Inspector... ''[He stops short when he sees a large black wolf in front of him]'' Uh... You don't really want me. I just wet myself. ---- :''[Jigen and Fujiko are hanging up garlic all over their hideout]'' :'''Goemon''': Oh, come on, guys! This is the pits, literally. I mean it's starting to smell like Pavarotti's armpits in here. :'''Jigen''': Yeah, well, I'm sorry about that, pal, but when it comes to vampires, I don't take any chances. :''[He gives Goemon a chained cross]'' :'''Jigen''': I mean, I know your family's been Shinto for like ten generations... :'''Goemon''': Longer. :'''Jigen''': But that doesn't mean crap to a vampire. :'''Goemon''': You know, there's something very offensive about that. ---- :'''Fujiko''': ''[as a storm rages on mount Onihime]'' No way to get up that mountain tonight. Only an idiot would dare to attempt it. :''[Cut to Zenigata clutching onto a steep mountainside in the pouring rain]'' :'''Zenigata''': ''What the hell am I doing up here?!'' I'M SCARED OF THUNDER! I'M SCARED OF HEIGHTS! ---- :'''Jigen''': Wait a minute, Lupin, you were bitten by that bitch, weren't you? :'''Lupin''': Something... ''[He takes off his fake neck]'' ... just happened to come between us. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Feel kind of cheesy about this. Last time I prayed, it was for a two-wheeler. ==== Episode 36, Expose the Secret of Tsukikage Castle ==== :'''Jigen''': But a loon like that, I mean, this treasure could turn out to be a bunch of sumo wrestler bobblehead dolls or a big ball of tinfoil, y'know? :'''Goemon''': It's possible. But it's said that among his possessions was a sword, called Tsukikagemaru. :'''Lupin''': I have no idea what that means, Jigen... :'''Goemon''': I just explained that to you, it's a sword! :'''Lupin''': ... But it sounds important to him, so whaddya say? ---- :''[Lupin sits at the table trying to decipher a code while the blinded Jigen rests in the mattress and Goemon sits at the table with Lupin, trying not to fall asleep]'' :'''Lupin''': Let's see, I've tried adding, subtracting, multiplying, dividing... I don't know, what else can you do with a number? ''[He yawns and falls on his back]'' Truth be told, math was never my best subject. I was always more of a... ''[He yawns again]'' ... More of a recess kind of guy. ---- :'''Fujiko''': Hard at work, I see. So, how's it going? :'''Lupin''': Not well at all. :'''Goemon''': Because you are not trying. :'''Lupin''': Hey, you're sitting there like a Buddha! I'm working my ass off! ---- :'''Zenigata''': A flying crow will always... Uh, never mind. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Who the hell's the new woman in your gang?! I thought you only had eyes for Fujiko! :'''Lupin''': I swear, I don't know what you mean! :'''Zenigata''': You can't fool me, Lupin! I just saw Fujiko in Tokyo, vamping some rich stud. :'''Lupin''': What? What? But, but, uh...! ---- :'''Jigen''': Hey, don't blow a gasket there, Pops! :'''Zenigata''': I'll blow whatever the hell I want to! ''[He gets hit in the head by a falling gold coin. He catches it in his hands as he lies on the ground]'' Hey, wow! :''[More gold coins fall on top of him]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[pouting]'' Aww... it's just not fair. ==== Episode 37, Find the Treasure of Genghis Khan ==== :'''Lupin''': It's really not over 'til the fat lady sings. ''[He jumps off the roof]'' And I don't mean you either! ---- :'''Priest'''': Hey! Get off my bike! :'''Zenigata''': Shut up! :'''Priest''': Don't tell me to shut up! :'''Zenigata''': I'll tell you whatever I want to! :'''Priest''': Oh, yeah?! :'''Zenigata''': Yeah! :'''Priest''': You shut up! :'''Zenigata''': Shut up! :'''Priest''': You shut up! :'''Zenigata''': You...! ==== Episode 40, Operation Missilejack ==== :'''Security System''': Please state today's code phrase. :'''Chief''': ''[in a completely serious tone]'' I want my daddy and mommy, I'm scared and I want to go home. :''[Lupin, who is disguised as the Chief's pet tiger, looks up at the Chief in confusion and astonishment]'' :'''Security System''': Voice print code and phrase confirmed. ---- :'''Fujiko''': ''[running a finger around Zenigata's face]'' I've been having the naughtiest dreams about you, you know that? And you know what I'm doing to you in those dreams? ''[She rips the plaster off of Zenigata's nose]'' ''This!'' :''[Zenigata screams through gritted teeth. Around a corner, Lupin tries to stifle giggles]'' ==== Episode 41, Find Princess Kaguya's Treasure ==== :'''Fujiko''': You ever heard of anything so ridiculous in your life? ''[She sees Lupin staring deliriously ahead and gibbering with Kaguya's bottle resting on his tongue and hearts in his eyes]'' Ugh. Ask a stupid question. ---- :'''Kaguya''': Nice little streak, but all good things come to an end. :'''Jigen''': Well, if the end I'd be coming to is yours, then hey, count me in. ---- :'''Fujiko''': Now it's a dragon's liver. What is she, some kind of refugee from a friggin' fairy tale? Well, she'll regret not inviting me to the ball. ---- :'''Jigen''': Here, mer-y-mer-y-mer-y maid. I don't even know what any of these damn things is supposed to look like. ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[seeing the mermaid]'' Is that a shark? If it is, it's got a great rack. ---- :'''Fujiko''': Now, for the last time, do you want to know where Lupin is or not? :'''Zenigata''': Of course. I flew all the way over here, didn't I? Start talking. :'''Fujiko''': The Himalayas. :'''Zenigata''':... The ''what?'' :''[Out in the Himalayas, Lupin walks up the mountain with his guide, merrily singing]'' :'''Lupin''': ''Edelweiss, edelweiss, you look happy to greet me. Edel- uh, uh...'' ''[He sneezes]'' ---- :'''Goemon''': ''[exiting a dragon's mouth, carrying its liver]'' Wait a minute. Did I leave my wallet in there?... Crap. ---- :''[Lupin charges out of the tent, swinging a baseball bat. He swings at the yeti, but it dodges, and Lupin falls on his face in the snow. He swings again and again at the yeti, but it backs away and keeps dodging. He falls into a snowdrift and swings the bat around blindly]'' :'''Lupin''': Where'd you go, you son of a bitch?! You can't hide from me! :''[He hits the yeti's leg. It cries in pain. Lupin looks up out of the snowdrift and beams triumphantly]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[mockingly]'' Not so scary now, are you, you big ape? Aww, you want your mommy? Big wussy. Look at you. You should be ashamed of yourself. :''[A tear forms in the yeti's eye]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[realizing he's not using the right tone]'' Uh, no, wait, I mean... That's wrong. ''[He holds out the bottle to the yeti's eye]'' Just let it out, baby. No need to be stoic. That's right. You have yourself a good cry. Come on. It's all right. ''[Several frozen tears fall into the bottle. He looks at the frozen tears]'' Wow, that's not really a whole lot. Might have to hit you again. ''[The yeti bawls. An avalanche starts, and Lupin runs down the mountain]'' Damn it! Why couldn't I just leave well enough alone?! ---- :'''Jigen''': Hey, so what happened with the whole retreaty fasting thing? :'''Goemon''': Uh, well, I got hungry, and... Hey, I'm stuck out here. Could you give me a lift? :'''Jigen''': Hop in. I'm in sort of a hurry. ---- :'''Kaguya''': ''[seeing the frozen Lupin]'' What happened? Is he...? :'''Sherpa''': He'll be fine. But he said to give this to you. ''[He hands Kaguya the bottle with the frozen tears in it]'' :'''Kaguya''': And you're sure that these are the tears of the Yeti? :'''Sherpa''': I saw it. And the curse of the Yeti came down on him swiftly. :'''Kaguya''': That's so... sweet. :''[She kisses Lupin on the cheek. The young man blushes so furiously that steam rises from his head and shoulders]'' ---- :'''Goemon''': ''[seeing the frozen Lupin]'' ''That'' can't be comfortable. ---- :'''Jigen''': Hey, I know you guys think ''I'm'' a misogynist, but it's not exactly a red-letter day for ''your'' side of the argument. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[after being thawed out on a spit]'' Just great! You think you know a guy, then you turn around and he tries to eat you! ---- :'''Lupin''': Wow, a real sleeping prince... just like Tchaikovsky's! ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[about Kaguya]'' Goemon, look, I know she lied to us and everything, but come on. Cut her a break. Have a heart. :'''Goemon''': I'm not angry with her, it's that damn Fujiko I want to kill! ---- :'''Lupin''': ''Hey!! Fujiko!!'' :'''Fujiko''': Lupin, I can't share it with you! I don't know if there's enough for two! :'''Lupin''': '''I don't want any!''' ''Do you know what it is?! Do you?!?'' :'''Fujiko''': Yeah, an eternal youth potion of some kind. Why else would she want it? :'''Lupin''': You idiot! Kaguya had that created for her very sick husband! He's in a coma! :''[Fujiko gasps, horrified, at the terrible thing she's done]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': Yeah, it sucks being deceived like that, but at least it was all for a good cause. :'''Goemon''': Yes, well, perhaps that is true, but still, the act of betrayal by Fujiko was unforgivable and merits the very harshest punishment. :'''Jigen''': Here, here! :'''Fujiko''': Lupin, I think he really means it! :'''Lupin''': She's sorry! Really! She's learned her lesson this time, haven't you, Fujicakes? :''[Fujiko starts hiccuping, then flaps her arms uncontrollably. The potion has given her an unbelievably high amount of energy, like a caffeine buzz]'' :'''Lupin''': Uh... :'''Jigen''': It's not real harsh, maybe, but it sure as hell's funny. ---- :''[Lupin is in his hotel room, sleeping peacefully. Fujiko pounds on his door]'' :'''Fujiko''': ''[from outside]'' Lupin! Come on! I still can't sleep! Hey, come on! Wake up! Hey, Lupin! I'm bored! :''[Lupin sits up in bed]'' :'''Lupin''': Aw man, when the hell's this potion ever gonna wear off? :'''Fujiko''': I know you're in there! Let me in! Let's go dancing! :'''Lupin''' ''[burying his head back under the covers]'' I'm too tired to appreciate the irony. :'''Fujiko''': Come on, Lupin! ==== Episode 42, Lupin becomes a Bride ==== :'''Fujiko''': I never thought of you as the golddigger type, but it suits you somehow. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Looks like it's just you and me. ''[Lupin jumps over the railing, does a somersault in the air and grabs the hook to swing to the other side of the hull]'' LUPIIIIN! Damn it all, get back here! You're under arrest! ---- :'''Onabes''': Alright, I warned you, Mr. Zenigata. Now I'm afraid I'm going to have to insist that you leave the ship. :'''Zenigata''': ''[as he is dragged away by security]'' No! Mr. Onabes! Please! Hey! I can explain! This is all her fault! I mean, his fault! You see, she's... ---- :'''Onabes''': Amore! :'''Lupin''': What does that mean? :'''Onabes''': It means: "I want you, I must have you! Let me take you and start a family!" :''[He tackles the flabbergasted Lupin]'' :'''Onabes''': I absolutely refuse to let you up, Miss Mary, unless you promise to marry me! :'''Lupin''': WHAT? That's impossible! :''[Onabes forcefully kisses Lupin]'' :'''Lupin''': Damn it! :''[He slaps Onabes, then flips him over in a judo grip]'' :'''Lupin''': Just snap out of it! :'''Onabes''': Oh yes, flip me like a hamburger, baby! :''[Lupin covers his mouth and flees]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': I'm not even a friggin' woman! :'''Onabes''': Oh well, nobody's perfect. :''[Realizing he can't win, Lupin jumps down from the mast and lands on the deck. His makeup is now a mess]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[frazzled]'' All right! You win! I give up! But premarital sex is out of the question! ---- :'''Jigen''': He's a guy, Lupin, and you're a guy! And if you were that kind of guy, well, you could have friggin' told somebody! ==== Episode 43, Where Are the Peking Man's Bones ==== ==== Episode 44, The Vanishing Special Armored Car ==== :'''Lupin''': ''[as Zenigata]'' I do admit to sort of a perverse admiration. :'''Zenigata''': Admiration, my ass! Why don't you just admit it?! You ''ARE'' in love with the guy! And you always have been, haven't you? You big egomaniac! ---- :'''Jigen''': Friggin' birds can't get close to that thing, and I don't think I can pull off the backless look, either. I mean, not that it doesn't look absolutely stunning on you or anything, but it does take a certain androgynous quality, you know? :'''Lupin''': I swear, I'll beat you with your own hat. ''[Jigen laughs]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': Man, sure could have used Goemon's Zantetsu sword this time, huh? :''[Jigen sees a figure sitting on a crate]'' :'''Jigen''': Hmm? :'''Lupin''': I said, Goemon's sword would have come in handy! :''[Jigen recognizes the figure as Zenigata]'' :'''Jigen''': Huh? :'''Lupin''': I know, it's a bummer, but it's no use crying over spilled milk. We just gotta... :'''Jigen''': Lupin! You'd better get up here! ---- :'''Zenigata''': What's the matter, Lupin? Don't tell me I've stumped ya! I don't think I can take the shock! ''[He laughs, then starts suffocating]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': Yeah, that man's the last of a dying breed, Jigen. :'''Jigen''': You can say that again. :'''Lupin''': Kind of like u... ah... ah, ah, ah... ''[He sneezes]'' :'''Jigen''': Serves you right. I mean, uh, didn't your mama ever tell you not to go out without your pants on? :''[Lupin sees he's only wearing his boxers]'' :'''Lupin''': Oh, man. :''[They laugh]'' ==== Episode 48, Lupin Laughs while the Alarm Bell Rings ==== :''[Zenigata is woken by the telephone and answers it]'' :'''Zenigata''': Zenigata. :'''Lupin''': Hey, man. How's it hanging? :'''Zenigata''': I was just... :'''Lupin''': I refer to that big wad of drool hanging from your chin, you slacker. Then again, in your dreams is the only place you'll ever catch me. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[sneezing]'' You know, I think the whole thing went pretty well. :'''Jigen''': ''[sneezing]'' And that was really the best plan you could think of? :'''Lupin''': Gotta keep your eye on the prize. After all, the whole idea was to divert his attention. Remember that. And that's what counts. :'''Goemon''': Because now, Zenigata's gonna be practically living on that boat until they recover our bodies. :'''Lupin''': Exactly. ''[He sneezes again]'' ---- :''[One of the money bags gets stuck in a pulley]'' :'''Jigen''': Son of a bitch. Wouldn't you know it? Last one? :'''Lupin''': Stay cool, man. We'll get it. Easy does it now. :''[As they try to get the back through, one of the suction cups on the ceiling comes loose]'' :'''Jigen''': Damn piece of crap. :''[The suction cup unsticks, but Lupin and Jigen pull on the rope before the bag hits the floor. They sigh with relief]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[fearing the worst about Lupin]'' Good heavens, what have I done? ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[previewing the next episode]'' Next time I fall in love with Jackie O. Or maybe not. I don't know. My head hurts. It kind of looks like her and sure looks like love. Walking in the rain, putting on a little show for perverts with binoculars. Oh, he's not? He's trying to kill me? Actually, you know, that kind of adds a touch of kink. Anyway, catch you later in ''Snake Charmer''. ==== Episode 50, Lupin Whom I Loved, Part 1 ==== :'''Cornelia''': The constellations of the winter sky are dominated by the brilliant and dynamic figure of Orion. Legend has it, he was a powerfully built young huntsman of exceptional skill, whose love for the daughter of the treacherous king nearly spelled his doom. :''[As the audience the planetarium in rapt attention, Lupin sits in his seat, bored out of his mind and nearly falling asleep. He yawns]'' :'''Lupin''': If only Fujiko were here. This would be a very romantic date, but... Oh, well. It oughta begin in a minute. ---- :'''Jigen''': So, did you have the beef or the fish? That's what you get for being the inside man. ---- :''[Fujiko sees a flame beside her as she's driving and tries to light her cigarette with it]'' :'''Fujiko''': Thanks. :''[She turns around and sees that it was a zombie who lit the flame]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': Our hearts were beating like crazy. :'''Jigen''': This before or after you left the cell? :'''Lupin''': Just let me finish, willya? ---- :'''Lupin''': I don't know which is worse, that she's alive and doesn't remember me, or that she's here. ---- :''[Japanese original; Jigen gives up fighting the zombies and makes a run for it]'' :'''Goemon''': Jigen, where are you going? :'''Jigen''': Don't make me say what would hurt my pride! :'''Goemon''': Are we running away? :'''Jigen''': What choice have we got? ---- :''[English dub]'' :'''Goemon''': Jigen, wait! Where are you going? :'''Jigen''': I have absolutely no friggin' idea! :'''Goemon''': You mind if I come along? ==== Episode 53, The Mad Fantoma Mark III ==== :''[Lupin and Jigen stand face to face in their living rooms, hands at the ready]'' :'''Lupin''': So, this is it, huh? It's come to this. :'''Jigen''': Yep. 'Fraid so, Lupin. :'''Lupin''': Think you can take me on? :'''Jigen''': You said it yourself a million times, Lupin. I'm the quickest draw on the planet. :'''Lupin''': Next to me, that is. :'''Jigen''': Oh, man, this will be sweet. :''[Goemon gives the signal, and the two draw their remote controls. The TV switches back and forth between footage of a soap opera and what looks like Django]'' :'''Goemon''': I think we really need to get a second TV. :'''Lupin''': Hey, I've never missed a single episode of ''Housewives Theater'' in fifteen years and I'm not starting now. :'''Jigen''': That's too damn bad, pal. There's a first time for everything. Anyway, it's Spaghetti Western Sunday on Channel 5. :''[Lupin and Jigen continue switching between channels]'' :'''Jigen''': Dang! :'''Lupin''': No, no, there it is! :'''Jigen''': We're watching this! :'''Lupin''': Hey! No! :'''Jigen''': Would you come on? :'''Lupin''': There! :'''Jigen''': What are you...? :''[The TV goes to static]'' :'''Lupin''': No! :'''Jigen''': What the...? Oh, that's just great. :'''Lupin''': Stop it! Wonderful. Now look what you've done. :'''Jigen''': Yeah? You started it. ==== Episode 54, Detective Hanshichi's Ten-Year-Old Promise==== :'''Chief''': ''[as Zenigata bites sheepishly into his hat]'' Well, Zenigata. Look what happened. We did as you said, left with Hanshichi, and you, and the whole damn thing blew up in our faces. Now, what would you do if you were in my position, Inspector? ---- :'''Lupin''': Damn, he snookered us, the old fart! ==== Episode 57, Will It Be the Computer or Lupin? ==== :'''Zenigata''': Good gravy, this place sure goes on and on. ==== Episode 58, The Border is the Face of Farewell ==== :'''Zenigata''': ''[with a tear in his eye]'' These Russkies aren't very friendly, are they? ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[previewing the next episode]'' This next one's just too weird for words. It's sort of 'Twilight Zone' meets 'House of Wax' meets an exhausted writing staff under deadline pressure. ==== Episode 59, The Mysterious World of Madame X ==== :'''Zenigata''': ''[covered in glue]'' Mother said there would be days like this. Just not this many. Good thing I'm so undauntable, 'cause this kind of thing could really drive you crazy! ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[rubbing his eye]'' Man, I'm beat. ---- :'''Jigen''': Something's not right. :'''Goemon''': It just isn't like him. :'''Jigen''': I know. It's been two days now without even a word, and usually the problem is you can't shut him up. ---- :'''Lupin''': That crazy lady's gonna turn us all into wax figures. Even Fujiko. They got her upstairs, locked up. :''[His eyes fill with tears]'' :'''Jigen''': Hey, don't! Come on! Get a hold of yourself. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Bet you haven't even tried the most obvious thing. :''[He reaches for the doorknob]'' :'''Lupin''': No! Hold it, Pops! Wait! :''[Zenigata turns the doorknob and starts to sink into the floor]'' :'''Zenigata''': Help me! Please! :'''Jigen''': What the hell's going on here, Lupin? :'''Lupin''': Unfortunately, this kind of thing happens all the time around here. She's like some kind of evil witch. :'''Jigen''': ''[lifting Zenigata out]'' That's just great. Either of you guys wanna lend a hand? ---- :'''Lupin''': Uh, Goemon? :'''Goemon''': You need to remain calm. :'''Zenigata''': All right, you guys calm down. ''I'll'' freak out! :''[He runs away]'' ====Episode 61, The Flying Zantetsuken==== :'''Lupin''': ''[tipsy on bourbon]'' Come on, you knew we were drunks when you married us! :'''Jigen''': ''[also happily wasted on the bourbon]'' You know the truly great part? I don't care if I ever get better! :'''Fujiko''': ''[smiling craftily]'' Don't you tempt fate. It can be cruel. ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[answering the phone]'' Good morning. Zenigata speaking. ''WHAT?! IN A HOTEL IN BROAD DAYLIGHT?! WHO THE HELL IS THIS?!'' :'''Lupin''': ''[disguising his voice with an accent]'' The point is, he's here now. Aloha. ---- :''[Goemon tries to hang and shoot himself at the same time]'' :'''Lupin''': No, Goemon, stop! :'''Jigen''': Take it easy, man. :'''Goemon''': She may have put the sleeping pills in the drink, but it was I who kept asking for more. And now the sword, my very soul as a samurai, is gone! :'''Lupin''': I egged... you on! :'''Goemon''': It doesn't matter! The responsibility is solely my own! Don't force me to live in shame, Lupin! That's worse than death to me! ''[He sobs]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[while visiting Goemon in jail]'' Goemon, I don't know what's bugging you, but you haven't eaten for a week and that's not good for ya. I went to a lot of trouble to get that Japanese food brought in here. Please! Tell me you're not trying to starve yourself. That would be really bad for your health and my conscience. ---- :'''Lupin''': Hey, uh, Goemon? You know, technically, boneheaded stunts don't count as harakiri. ====Episode 62, The Sound of the Devil's Bells Call Lupin==== :''[Zenigata sees Lupin exit carrying a bunch of weapons]'' :'''Zenigata''': Uh, listen. Uh, you'd better come along with me right now. :'''Lupin''': Pops, I can't play right now. Sorry. Gotta go. Take care. :'''Zenigata''': Wait! Lupin! Hey! :''[Lupin springs into his Mercedes]'' :'''Zenigata''': Not so fast, wise guy! ''[He launches himself at the car and throws his handcuffs forward. As Lupin drives off, Zenigata finds that he's handcuffed several sticks of lit dynamite. He realizes what it is and runs off]'' Help! Somebody help! :''[The dynamite explodes as Lupin drives off down the road]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': So that's it, Gemarschaft. Looks just like any other peaceful, boring village. ''[He drives further into the seemingly empty village, gets out and looks around]'' Hmm, did I say peaceful? More like comatose. ---- :'''Lupin''': I gotta admit, I did have an unusually peaceful sleep last night. ''[He pulls out a pair of earplugs]'' Modern technology's really a wonderful thing. ---- :''[Sister Lavinia seemingly shoots Lupin's head off, and to her surprise he starts running off without it]'' :'''Lupin''': Sorry, sister. Didn't mean to lose my head. Toodles! ---- :''[Lupin blasts the bubble with a couple of missiles from his Mercedes]'' :'''Lupin''': And that is that. ''[To his astonishment, the bubble reforms]'' Aw, man. That may not be that. ---- :'''Lupin''': Okay, pal. Catch me if you can. ''[The bubble emerges underwater]'' Damn! I didn't mean it! ---- :'''Lavinia''': So, Lupin, do you see now that it's futile to try to escape from here? :''[Lupin stands up in a daze and knocks on his head several times]'' :'''Lavinia''': Last chance, now. Would you care to accept our invitation and join our brotherhood? :''[Lupin scowls defiantly]'' :'''Lupin''': You heard me, sister. No-one's gonna tell me how to live my life. ---- :'''Jigen''': Why do I feel like I just had a real bad dream? :'''Lupin''': Hey, Jigen, I was living in your bad dream. ====Episode 65, Lupin's Enemy is Lupin==== :'''Lupin''': Anyway, we'll find out as soon as we break in there. :'''Jigen''': [sarcastically] Oh, yeah. Great plan. We break into the place. Don't know why I didn't think of that. :'''Lupin''': This from a man who just came from dining on curry fit only for the immortals. We're blessed. It'll be a piece of cake. :''[Jigen laughs]'' ---- :'''Jigen''': What the...? Where did my hand go? :'''Lupin''': [panicked] Your hand?! :''[Jigen's hand emerges from its sleeve]'' :'''Jigen''': [relieved] Had me worried there. :'''Lupin''': ''[angrily punching Jigen in the stomach]'' Jigen, don't you ever do that to me again! :'''Jigen''': Sorry, man. ---- :'''Mr. X''': Damn it! How did you know I wasn't the real Lupin? :'''Jigen''': 'Cause the real Lupin would never say something all sappy and noble like "Kill me if you're my friend." He'd be squealing for his life like a little girl. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[imitating Mr. X]'' And our long story comes to a happy ending! ''[He cackles]'' :'''Jigen''': ''[drawing his gun, thinking Mr. X tricked him into killing Lupin]'' Bastard! :'''Lupin''': Kidding! Kidding! Just messin' with ya! ====Episode 66, Shooting Orders!==== :'''Jigen''': Speaking of accuracy, I noticed something about that gun that Beauty was waving around yesterday. It's got a venturi built on it, and that's used for cooling the barrel so that the heat won't affect your aim. It's state of the art. Your Walther P-38 was originally manufactured all the way back in the 1930s. All I'm saying is, Beauty's got a .44 Colt A. Python that was made only a few years ago, and that's the difference. You do the math, Lupin. ---- :'''Lupin''': The sun, it's setting. ''[He coughs]'' Seems kind of early for it. But I guess it's... ''[He coughs again]'' ... Just my time. ''[He faints]'' :'''Fujiko''': ''[thinking he died]'' No, it isn't, Lupin! It's not your time yet! ---- :'''Lupin''': Listen to you guys! Bitch, bitch, bitch! Look at me! What the hell's going on? I'm fine, so what's with the funeral? Well?! ---- :'''Jigen''': Was it, uh, supposed to work like that? :'''Lupin''': I'm not a chemist or anything, you know, but I think I might've added a little too much explosive. Probably shouldn't do that kind of thing when you're in a bad mood. ====Episode 69, The Woman the Old Man Fell in Love With==== :'''Zenigata''': Some billionaire bites the big one, so what? Would he care if ''I'' died? ---- :'''Lupin''': Hey, guys. Shouldn't we be out stealing something, or running for our lives, or, uh... I dunno, something? I feel like I'm in a rest home here. ---- :'''Lupin''': Whoa! Get a load of this! It's Pops, and he's being chased by somebody. And there's a girl with him, and she's hot! What the hell is wrong with this picture? :'''Jigen''': Well, if you're right, it's the end of the friggin' world! ---- :'''Zenigata''': I'm prepared to beg if I have to! You gotta help Laura! She's caught in a jam! My pride doesn't matter to me, only Laura's safety! ---- :''[Japanese original]'' :'''Lupin''': By the way, Pops, how come you're going out of your way like this for her? :'''Zenigata''': Well, it's because... :'''Lupin''': You're in love with her, aren't you? :'''Zenigata''': ''[blushing furiously]'' D-d-don't be ridiculous! I'm a public servant! :''[He gives Lupin a playful shove. Lupin points to Laura]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[grinning mischievously at Zenigata]'' There she is! :'''Zenigata''': ''[bashfully covering his face with his hat]'' Oh, come on, Lupin! ---- :'''Fujiko''': Lying on that alleviates your stomach thing? :'''Cabane''': I didn't get to where I am today by taking a lot of stuff for granted. Get what I mean? I ain't movin' until I unlock this! :'''Fujiko''': What a big pain in the butt. :'''Cabane''': Hey! Speak up, I can't hear you! :'''Fujiko''': Oh! Uh, never mind. Just some girl stuff, is all. :''[The camera pans down to reveal that "Fujiko" has hairier legs than usual]'' ---- :'''Jigen''': Pops. I... We tried. I'm sorry. Anyway, Lupin's alive. Look, if you wanna get those bastards, hop in. ''[Zenigata gets in, and glances for a moment at Fujiko, who is bound and gagged in the back seat]'' If you're a little surprised to see Fujiko here, we'll fill you in. ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[over the tape]'' Never, Laura. :'''Laura''': ''[over the tape]'' Oh, I love to hear you say my name. Say it again. :''[From out of the corner of his eye, Lupin notices Cabane's men howling and whooping at him]'' :'''Cabane''': Shaddap! :''[The men immediately stop and try to look professional]'' ---- :'''Goemon''': I, Goemon Ishikawa, say to you: Ha ha! ====Episode 71, Lupin vs. the Shinsengumi==== :''[Lupin drives past a police car, laughing. The police officer notices him and turns to Zenigata, who is resting in the front passenger seat]'' :'''Police Officer''': The guy in the convertible that just went by seemed kinda strange. :'''Zenigata''': Let him go. I'm not in this one. :''[He gives his colleague a little smile, then yawns]'' :'''Police Officer''': 'Kay. ====Episode 72, The Skateboard Murder Mystery==== :'''Jigen''': You didn't... I mean, you wouldn't...? :'''Lupin''': Aw man, you too? Look, I friggin' saved the guy! :'''Jigen''': Yeah, good luck convincing Boronco's men of that. :'''Lupin''': ''[grumbling]'' D'ah, friggin... d'ahh! ''[He sees the blockade]'' Hey, they've already blocked the street off! Hang on, Jigen! :''[Lupin swerves through the blockade, but one of Boronco's men fires a couple of canisters of knockout gas into the car]'' :'''Lupin''': I always thought I missed my true calling as a stunt driver in action movies, you know? ''[He sees Jigen coughing]'' Huh? :'''Guard''': Well that oughta knock 'em out. :''[Boronco arrives in on his skateboard]'' :'''Bolonco''': How'd everything go, Officer? :'''Guard''': Just like a dream. :''[Boronco goes over to Lupin and Jigen, who are completely knocked out]'' ---- :'''Lupin and Jigen''': ''[playing a clapping game]'' Eighty eight days now in the spring, summer's upon us so everyone sing: Pat a cake, pat a cake, baker's man, bake me a cake as fast as you can! :''[They push the halves of the truck apart and dive out of it]'' ---- :'''Jigen''': Huh. I never heard of a football coming with a timer. ''[He places the football to his ear]'' Hmm... :'''Goemon''': Jigen! They don't! :'''Jigen''': ''[panicked]'' Friggin' hell! That means that this thing... This thing here is a... :''[The football explodes]'' :'''Lupin''': Damn! That's it! That little Boronco brat has picked the wrong playmate this time! :'''Goemon''': If you keep thinking of him as just as a kid, then he's gonna keep on playing with you until he wins! ---- :'''Scientist''': Excuse me, Boronco, but this is the fake sapphire you ordered. :'''Boronco''': There's no way he could have...? ---- :''[thanks to Lupin and Fujiko's squabbling, the group ends up losing the Eye of Solomon]'' :'''Goemon''': I'm reconsidering my membership in this whole enterprise! :'''Jigen''': Can you reconsider mine, too? ---- :'''Zenigata''': Stop! You're under arrest, Lupin! You hear me? Just pull over now... Or not! I gotta admit, I really love the chase. :'''Lupin''': I sure wish ''he'd'' reconsider his role in this whole enterprise. ====Episode 73, Flowers and Storms and a Thieves' Race==== :''[Lupin throws his empty food box out of the car]'' :'''Jigen''': Hey, hey! Set an example, will ya? There's kids watching. :''' Lupin''': What are you saying? I put it in the trash. :''[Lupin's trash is seen carelessly disposed on top of a garbage truck]'' ---- :'''Tokumitsu''': Tokumitsu here, reporting live from the scene of the crispy carnage that earlier today thrilled audiences around the world. And a spellbinding barbecue it was, too. Oh, but don't just take my word for it. We have a badly wounded survivor of the tragedy with us. Perhaps I can get him to talk to us. Pardon the interruption, but on a scale of one to ten, ten being the highest, how much pain are you in? ''[The wounded man gives a dying groan]'' Well, thank you very much, and best of luck from all of us on your imminent death. ---- :'''Jigen''': All this co-piloting's kinda exhausting. Think I'll take me a little nap. You can wake me up when we get to heaven. And if we end up in the other place, just let me sleep. ====Episode 74, The Terrifying Chameleon Man==== :'''Lupin''': ''[about the diamond]'' Now I can't seem to decide if I should let Pops lick this thing or not. :'''Fujiko''': Can we vote on it? ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[playing cards with a dozing Jigen]'' Pathetic. Can't even beat him asleep. :'''Goemon''': ''[waiting for the mysterious lurker to arrive]'' I think we may be waiting for Godot. ---- :'''Lupin''': You know, in all these years, you've never given me a simple goodnight kiss. :'''Fujiko''': Just the cheek. Wouldn't want to arouse you. :'''Lupin''': Any old cheek you want, I've got four! ---- :'''Fujiko''': Buy a Q-tip, will you? That's really gross. Better luck next time. :'''Lupin''': Huh...? Of all the friggin'... ''Earwax?!?'' ''[He sits on his bed, angrily pulls off his shoes and tosses them out the room, inadvertently hitting the two chameleon men]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': It's alright, it's just a party favor. Happy New Year. ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[while watching Zenigata chase after insects]'' Real shame you had to whittle down that diamond. It's three months of bug-eating for him. :'''Goemon''': I don't know. I think he enjoys feeling like a kid again. :''[Lupin walks by covered in yellow flowers, humming to himself]'' :'''Jigen''': Hey, what's with the Woodstock get-up, nature boy? :'''Lupin''': Shh! It's just camouflage. Don't tell her, okay? :''[Lupin lies down on the ground and hides among the flowers, waiting for Fujiko]'' :'''Goemon''': ''[sighing]'' He never ''stopped'' being a kid. ====Episode 75, Fujiko Doesn't Look Good in a Wedding Dress==== :'''Jigen''': You're not acting like a man, you're acting like a little kid who's seen too many cornball chick flicks! ---- :'''Fujiko''': Lupin, it's me. What the hell's going on? Where am I? :'''Lupin''': Finally! Damn, you're a heavy sleeper. What do you mean, where are you? You're in Hafner's mansion. ---- :''[During a gunfight, Jigen gets his hat shot off]'' :'''Jigen''': Damn it! :''[He tries to retrieve it but a hail of bullets keeps him away]'' :'''Goemon''': Sorry, but you're going to have to finish this one without your hat! Now come on! :'''Jigen''': They've got no idea what terrible fury they've just unleashed... ---- :'''Jigen''': Great. Friggin' chlorine's gonna bleach my hat. ---- :'''Fujiko''': I'm still in mourning, you know. And I've got assets to go through. ====Episode 76, Do You Know Shakespeare?==== :'''Jigen''': Yeah, just my luck. Snow in Venice, of all places. I'll bet the sun comes out the minute I drag my sorry ass out of here. :'''Angelica''': Excuse me, are you all right? :'''Jigen''': Yeah, I always talk to myself. ---- :'''Jigen''': Turns out the car was hers. A nice one. A Rolls. I mean, I owe her something for blowing it up. :'''Goemon''': I can't help feeling there's more to the story. :'''Lupin''': ''[grinning mischievously]'' And we got a whole lot of extra time. Come on, Jigen. Cough it up. :'''Jigen''': ''[shyly]'' It's just... Look, I've told you the part I'm okay talking about. ---- :''[Angelica searches the ruins and starts off at a run]'' :'''Jigen''': Hey, Angelica, wait! Where are you going? ''[Angelica sees bodies crushed beneath the rubble]'' :'''Angelica''': Oh, God... It's too horrible! ''[She runs through the ruins]'' :'''Jigen''': ''[deeply concerned and afraid for Angelica's life]'' Wait! There may be unexploded bombs! Angelica, please stay where you are! Angelica, listen to me! It's not safe! ''[Angelica doesn't listen to Jigen and keeps running]'' Hey! Just come back! You'll get hurt! ''[Angelica accidentally steps on a bomb. Jigen runs towards her]'' Angelica! Angelica! Damn it! :''[Angelica opens her eyes]'' :'''Angelica''': Don't swear. :'''Jigen''': Why would someone like you ever become a nun anyway? Gotta help me with that. I mean, as I recall, your family was loaded. You were practically royalty. :'''Angelica''': Well, it's only fair I tell you, since you influenced my decision. But I'm happy, believe me. After you left, I was empty. So I devoted myself to God. Now I'm finally feeling his promise of peace has fulfilled in me. I'm in your arms again. I lived to see the doctor rescued. May you know peace, Jigen, my love. ''[She dies in his arms]'' :'''Jigen''': No! Angelica! :''[He cradles her body, sobbing]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': Sorry, sir, about your game. :'''President''': Bugger off. :''[the President and his assistant enter the helicopter] :'''Zenigata''': ''[confused]'' Uh, you just... ''[They slam the helicopter door]'' You go on ahead, sir. I'll take care of everything. ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[at Angelica's grave]'' All my skills, and I couldn't save ya. I'll have to live with that, but I doubt I'll come to any kinda peace with it. Pray for me. ====Episode 78, Diamonds Gleaming in the Robot's Eye==== :'''Lupin''': ''[drowsily answering the phone]'' The number you've dialed is no longer in service. Check your telephone directory or the information operator for the correct number and go to hell. ''[He hangs up, but the phone rings again and falls off the dresser. Lupin slithers out of bed and lies half out of it with his mouth near the reciever]'' You've reached Lupin's mouth. His brain is still asleep. Oh, then you prefer to speak to somebody else? Okay. ''JIGEN!! PHONE!! IT'S FOR YOU!!!'' ---- :''[Lupin, Jigen and Goemon carry the robot up the stairs]'' :'''Jigen''': I don't get it. None of Gavott's people seem to be anywhere around the place. :'''Lupin''': Got a problem with that? ---- :'''Lupin''': I mean, even if a thing like this worked, what would anyone use it for? You wouldn't happen to have a giant paperclip on you, would you? ''[He tests it]'' Not much of a super electro-magnet. ---- :'''Jigen''': Huh. "Dr. Pot's Patented Automatic Nose Blower. To activate, just hold in front of face." ''[A tiny hand comes up out of the box]'' Hey, get a load of this. It's cute. ''[The hand picks up a tissue and pinches Jigen hard on the nose]'' Oww! Ahh! Gahh! Damn it! ''[He pulls the box to try and get the thing off]'' ---- :'''Baby''': And just 'cause Gavotte let the doctor go doesn't mean he isn't gonna rub you guys out. ''[to Jigen]'' And you, I'm gonna pluck that beard off your face myself before he kills ya! ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[about the dismantled robot]'' Well, why don't we get to work on old Humpty Dumpty? :'''Fujiko''': That doesn't sound good. All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty together again. :'''Lupin''': Don't worry. I've done this twice before. :'''Goemon''': You've assembled a robot? :'''Lupin''': Nah. A ship and a tank. :'''Fujiko''': A ship and a tank? :'''Goemon''': That's really quite impressive. :'''Lupin''': Yeah, used to spend all my allowance on those hobby kits of model ships and tanks. :'''Goemon''': Huh? :'''Fujiko''': You mean you've been talking about ''model'' airplanes and toys? :'''Lupin''': ''[after completing the robot]'' Sure. Keeps a young man's hands out of trouble. ====Episode 79, Funeral March for Lupin==== :'''Jigen''': ''[hearing that the concert will have a jeweled baton]'' You know, Lupin, I don't know if I've told you, but I've been a big classical music fan ever since I was a kid. :'''Lupin''': What? You've always been a ballads kind of guy. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[nervously twiddling his thumbs]'' I never told you about this, Fujicakes, but I very nearly took up the bassoon. :''[Fujiko blows smoke in his face]'' :'''Fujiko''': And I very nearly took up with a baboon. :''[She throws her cigarette holder into Lupin's mouth]'' :'''Lupin''': Very funny. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[to Jigen, who is snoring in the seat next to him]'' Didn't you mention you were a fan of all this classical crap? :''[Jigen nods sleepily. Lupin yawns and dozes off as well]'' :'''Fujiko''': ''[to Goemon]'' But they could stay up all night for some kung-fu epic. ---- :'''Lupin''': Looks like Pops is getting serious. :'''Jigen''': Better hope so, 'cause if that ain't serious, I don't know what serious is. ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[after his hypnosis is over]'' Huh? Why the hell'd I pull this out? ---- :''[Goemon notices the couch he damaged while under hypnosis]'' :'''Goemon''': What in the world did I just do? :'''Jigen''': Nothing, just tried to Cuisinart us to death, pally! ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[about Kyoransky]'' Does he replace all those chandeliers every time he kills somebody? ---- :'''Fujiko''': ''[finding that Lupin had secretly removed her underwear]'' Stupid adolescent... ---- :''[Lupin is about to explain his plan to defeat Kyoransky]'' :'''Lupin''': Anyway, take a look at this. :''[He pulls out a ladle]'' :'''Jigen''': Okay, I don't understand. :'''Goemon''': It's a straining ladle for cooking. :'''Jigen''': I know that, but what are you gonna do? Challenge Kyoransky to a bake off? ---- :'''Zenigata''': Lupin, the masquerade's over! Take off the disguise! :'''Lupin''': Thanks a lot! This wig itches. ---- :'''Jigen''': That's a wrap. ---- :'''Kyoransky''': My father was Momanitt Mulchy. When he was alive, he was a master jeweler. But you killed him in cold blood. :'''Lupin''': I only kill in self-defense, which means I don't regret it. ---- :'''Lupin''': You see, I figured out how it is you managed to control with that glittering baton of yours. It emits a high-pitched sound, like a dog whistle. But, you see, the thing is, yours only produces a single tone, whereas mine, on the other hand, has, um... One, two, three... Boy, there's a lot. ---- :'''Zenigata''': You wanna fill me in on what just happened here? ====Episode 80, The Last Meal is a Cup Ramen==== :'''Goemon''': How come grifters never think they'll get grifted? ---- :'''Lupin''': Who put all this pepper in here? ---- :'''Warden''': After him! Lupin has escaped! Don't let him get away! :'''Zenigata''': ''[gleefully sarcastic]'' Yes, what a shame! Lupin has escaped! ====Episode 82, The Rescue Pops Operation==== :'''Zenigata''': Damn it, Lupin! I'm going to get killed because of you. I'm totally going to haunt you. :''[Lupin turns on a transmission]'' :'''Lupin''': I don't mind being haunted by a cute girl. Not sure about you, Pops. And I really feel for you guys, having to take care of a klutz like Pops! ---- :'''Zenigata''': Lupin! Do you want to make a fool out of me, Zenigata? I absolutely refuse to be exchanged as a hostage by the likes of you! :''[He kicks stuff around like an angry toddler. He finds a stick of dynamite that rolled out, then picks it up with his teeth and throws it into the fireplace. The terrorists panic and run for cover. Zenigata stands in the middle of the room, eyes shut tight, sweating profusely and bracing himself for death. No explosion comes. Zenigata's still alive. He looks behind his shoulder and sees that the dynamite was actually a dud with a microphone hid inside. One of the terrorists faints. The men angrily pile on Zenigata as he sinks, crying, to his knees]'' :'''Zenigata''': Shut up! :''[He kicks them away]'' :'''Zenigata''': I'm such a failure, I can't even die properly! :''[He cries and kicks his feet pathetically]'' ---- :'''Napoleon''': The reason why I decided to conquer the world was that it was too noisy for me to sleep in. ''[The gang looks at him, shocked]'' Quite ironic that I found the ideal place in that underground prison. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[tapping the face of Napoleon, who is disguised as him]'' Wow, what a heavy sleeper. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[disguised as Napoleon]'' Inspector Zenigata, why don't we make a deal? I hate Lupin for putting me through this. How would you like to capture him yourself? :'''Zenigata''': I'll take you up on that offer! :''[He rams into Lupin and shoves him into a bush]'' ---- :''[Zenigata sees the helicopter exploding in the distance, as Lupin, who is disguised as Napoleon, stands next to him]'' :'''Zenigata''': L... Lupin... :'''Lupin''': What's the matter? Aren't you pleased? :'''Zenigata''': ''[sniffling]'' I'm sad because a good man has died. :'''Lupin''': A good man? :''[Another explosion occurs. Zenigata breaks into a run]'' :'''Zenigata''': Lupin, if you're alive, let's fight again. :''[The smoke from the wreckage billows out. Zenigata stops suddenly. Lupin runs up beside him. As the musical cue 'Zenigata March' plays in the background, Zenigata stares in disbelief. He starts to cry and sinks to his knees]'' :'''Zenigata''': L... Lupin... We were on different sides of the law, but I liked you. :''[He collapses and beats the ground, sobbing. Lupin smiles warmly]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[in thought]'' I like you, too. ---- :'''Jigen''': Love isn't allowed in a man's world. :'''Lupin''': Come on, Jigen, don't be so mean. ====Episode 84, Leave Revenge to Lupin==== :'''Jigen''': ''[answering the phone]'' Huh? :'''Joe of Spade''': Jigen! I'm being chased! Help me! This is Joe! :'''Jigen''': Joe? What's the matter? Where are you? :'''Joe of Spade''': I'm in Maria's restaurant. :''[Joe's two pursuers kick the door open. Joe draws but isn't able to fire. He backs away in terror]'' :'''Jigen''': ''[over the phone]'' Joe, answer me! What's the matter with you, Joe? :'''Male voice''': [over the phone] Go to hell, you idiot! :''[From over the phone comes the sound of gunfire]'' :'''Jigen''': JOE! :''[Jigen's panicked cries wake Lupin, who sleepily shuffles out of his room, clutching a pillow. The international thief and criminal looks profoundly innocent standing in the doorway like this]'' :'''Lupin''': Jigen, what's going on? :'''Jigen''': It's bad. My mentor's going to get bumped off. :'''Lupin''': ''[half-asleep]'' Huh...? :'''Jigen''': He's a man named Joe of Spade... Lupin, will you go to Marseille with me? :''[Lupin responds with a loud yawn]'' :'''Lupin''': It's the middle of the night... :''[Jigen carries Lupin over his shoulder into the Mercedes and drives into the night with him in the front passenger seat]'' ---- :'''Chief''': Lupin III is a thief who was born in France. He has a clear head, and he's the grandson of Arsene Lupin. He's bound to be patriotic. :'''Zenigata''': Yes, he may be, slightly... ---- :''[Lupin appears in Joe's teleporter. His hair crackles with static and he wears a dazed expression]'' :'''Joe''': Lupin! What are you doing here? :''[He curiously walks over to Lupin to closely inspect him. The young man rolls out, curled up in a tight ball, in the middle of the room. Slowly, he unfolds his legs, then his arms, rolling onto his back, and then a sitting position. He sets his head straight, then pinches his cheek, then his nose, then his ears, then feels his eyes, his head and chin, squishes his cheeks, feels his mouth, and finally slaps his face before shaking his head. He sits, still in a daze, and blinks. He looks around]'' :'''Lupin''': Oh, Joe! That means the electric waves have successfully transmitted me! ==== Episode 87, When the Devil Beckons to Lupin ==== :''[The gang finds Lupin lying asleep in the middle of the road]'' :'''Fujiko''': ''[cradling him]'' Lupin! Hang on! :'''Goemon''': There's only one way to wake up from hypnosis. ''[He kicks Lupin squarely in the behind]'' ---- :'''Peter''': Have you even met the Gestapo? They're devils. They're barely even human! :'''Lupin''': ''[jokingly]'' I thought ''you'' were the devil. :'''Peter''': Shut up! Give me the diamond! ---- :'''Lupin''': Stop it, Peter! :'''Peter''': Welcome, Lupin. I'll kill you along with the rest. :''[He gets out a lighter. Lupin pulls out the Dragon's Tear]'' :'''Lupin''': So you don't want the Dragon's Tear? :'''Peter''': I have no need for that. From the beginning, all I wanted was to kill every one of those bastard Nazis. :'''Lupin''': ''[drawing his Walther]'' I can't let you do that! :''[They pause for a long time. Peter nears the lighter close to the fuse. Lupin shoots it away, then shoots one of the ropes. One of the stakes goes flying and impales Peter. The horrific sight causes Lupin to avert his eyes. The balloon floats away with Peter still impaled on the stake. Lupin and his gang sadly watch the balloon]'' ==== Episode 89, Play the Thieves' Symphony==== :''[Fujiko has seen Lupin dozing in his seat while listening to Beethoven's Eroica]'' :'''Fujiko''': Lupin, since when were you a fan of classical music? :'''Lupin''': Well, ''Eroica'' is a good lullaby, you know? ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[muted]'' Goemon, what's going on? :'''Goemon''': ''[muted]'' I don't know, but there are fleas around. I feel itchy. ---- :'''Lupin''': It's a silencer that silences all sound! Now we're almost in the nuclear safe. :'''Jigen''': Anyway, you can take a bath now. ---- :'''Jigen''': Hey, why don't you go out for a walk? Huh? ''[Lupin ignores him]'' I guess not. ---- :'''Jigen''': No matter what kind of art it may be, I don't appreciate it. ---- :'''Lupin''': Pops? :'''Zenigata''': Don't call me "Pops". I'm not your relative, Lupin. ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[mouth full of balloon]'' Wawawd! I wiw wewwewew wis. ---- :'''Lupin''': Music isn't all about ballads. ==== Episode 97, Find the Treasure of Lupin the First ==== :''[While Lupin is kissing Fujiko, he swallows something]'' :'''Lupin''': Did you just feed me something? :'''Fujiko''': ''[coyly]'' You're right. :'''Lupin''': ''[giggling]'' I get it. You wanna go all night, right? :'''Fujiko''': It's the opposite. :'''Lupin''': The opposite? :'''Fujiko''': It'll make you sleep like a log. :'''Lupin''': Sleep like a... :''[He tumbles out of the bed and passes out]'' ---- :''[Lupin, Jigen and Goemon are handcuffed to a tree branch by Zenigata]'' :'''Lupin''': Hey, Zenigata, what are you going to do with us? :'''Zenigata''': I'm not going to do anything. :'''Lupin''': You're not going to do anything? What do you mean? Why won't you arrest us? :'''Zenigata''': According to the findings from the ICPO investigation, three men suspected as killers are riding the airship Paradise, which is on a goodwill mission. One of the men is from America, one is from Britain and the third is from the USSR. And the target seems to be you, Lupin the Third. :'''Lupin''': Thanks for the information. But Pops, why are you going out of your way to help us? :''[Zenigata says nothing, but turns and silently walks away. He stops suddenly]'' :'''Zenigata''': I heard they have strange killing techniques. Be careful. :'''Lupin''': Now I understand why you showed us your capture technique. :'''Zenigata''': ''[suddenly acting like a tsundere]'' You idiot! What kind of policeman would do such a thing?... Good luck anyway. :'''Jigen and Goemon''': Good luck? :'''Lupin''': ''[smiling warmly]'' He's too nice to be a policeman. ---- :''[Lupin watches a walking doll grow into a giant]'' :'''Lupin''': It's so big! Call it off! ''[He flees through the doorway]'' Stop, stop, stop! ''[The doll crashes through, breaking down the wall]'' Big ladies aren't my type! No means no! ''[He's backed against another wall. The doll tries to make a grab for him]'' This is the opposite of stopping! We're not a good match! We'd stand out! ''[The doll slips and falls on top of him]'' Help! I can't breathe! Come on, help me out of here! :'''Rasputan''': This is the special dummy I had prepared for you. :''[The doll shrinks back to its normal size]'' :'''Lupin''': That was bad. :''[He watches the doll walking as Rasputan laughs]'' :''' ==== Episode 98, The Day the Old Man Died ==== :'''Lupin''': Sure would be nice, going up to Heaven with Pops, hand in hand. ---- :''[Zenigata wakes up underwater and surfaces in the Seine]'' :'''Lupin''': Good grief! Pops is alive! :'''Zenigata''': Lupin! You're under arrest! :'''Lupin''': What's going on here? :'''Jigen''': No idea. :'''Goemon''': ''[hearing Truffaut's men]'' They're coming. :''[The gang jumps into the river. Lupin knocks Zenigata out with a stick as he does so]'' :'''Lupin''': You play dead now, Pops. ---- :'''Goemon''': ''[to Truffaut]'' I feel sorry for the officer you killed. His parents are still alive. :'''Zenigata''': ''[in tears]'' He was my shooting teacher at ICPO! A very kind officer! That's why he used the tranquilizer bullet on me. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Lupin... Thank you. ==== Episode 104, The Most Dangerous Golden Bed ==== :'''Butler''': May I ask who this is? :'''Zenigata''': I'm the man on this card. :''[He presents his business card, which has the name "Kouichi Zenigata" written on it]'' :'''Zenigata''': I'm Inspector Zenigata from Japan! :''[He dutifully salutes]'' :'''Morgan''': I didn't ask the Japanese police to assist me. ==== Episode 106, You're a Cat, I'm a Dried Tuna ==== :'''Vivian''': ''[to the camera]'' Oh, I shouldn't have lied. :'''Zenigata''': What were you saying just now? :'''Vivian''': Uh, nothing... ---- :'''Lupin''': Why would I steal a pencil-eating cat? ---- :'''Lupin''': My life needs excitement, not cuteness. ---- :'''Goemon''': It's just a kids' newspaper. ---- :''[Jigen whittles at a pencil, meowing]'' :'''Jigen''': Meow, I said! ''[He puts the shavings underneath a basket as a trap]'' Can I really catch it this way? ''[He goes to hide behind a chimney and waits. Some time later, Jigen dozes off]'' ---- :'''Bucky''': A famous person wasting time for a lost cat must be very rich. ---- :'''Goemon''': I can't do something this silly anymore. :'''Fujiko''': Me neither. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[putting the cat in a letterbox]'' Post! ''[The young man hides in an alleyway as Bucky, Butcher and Vivian run past. A mailman drives by Lupin on a motorcycle and hands him a package. He opens it and the cat emerges. It jumps onto his shoulder affectionately]'' Why me? ---- :'''Lupin''': Stop the noise! ''[He makes faces at the cat, like a parent would to a baby]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': You're a strange cat. How is this tasty? ''[He tries one of the "pencil shavings" and finds it to have a familiar taste. He inspects the shavings closer]'' This is dried tuna. ---- :'''Lupin''': Go on! Go away. Shoo, shoo! Shoo! Shoo! Go on. You rascal. ''[The cat, in its unconditional love for Lupin, starts to walk away, but decides it will refuse to leave him and walks back towards him]'' I'm a dog. ''[The cat, who doesn't speak or understand human and finds Lupin entertaining, meows with delight and jumps onto his leg]'' Oh, good grief. ---- :'''Zenigata''': I don't care about the cat. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Alright, let's retreat. :'''Vivian''': This is... Mr. Dorogata, that's my cat! Please, search harder! :'''Zenigata''': The name's ''Zeni''gata. ==== Episode 110, Hot Shot, This Is Fujiko ==== :'''Lupin''': Jigen, I'll take one for you. :'''Jigen''': Maybe it's better if I've had a shower first? :'''Lupin''': It doesn't make a difference anyway. :''[He takes a picture of Jigen. A photo comes out. Lupin looks at it with surprise]'' :'''Jigen''': What? What's on it? :''[He finds to his bewilderment that it's a photo three minutes into the future of him in the shower, completely nude]'' ---- :''[On a nudist beach, Zenigata, in boxers, cringes before a trio of women]'' :'''Woman 1''': Come on and take your clothes off. It's the rules here. :'''Woman 2''': A person is most beautiful when they're in the nude. :'''Woman 3''': That's right. ''[She pulls on Zenigata's boxers]'' Here, put this on. ==== Episode 112, Goemon's Close Call ==== :'''Lupin''': You went through this for my sake. :'''Goemon''': If I betrayed my comrades, I'd rather die. :'''Lupin''': ''[stroking Goemon's hair]'' You're a fool. A real fool! :''[He hugs Goemon tightly and cries]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[previewing the next episode]'' "My only goal is to arrest Lupin." Bah! And now Old Man Zenigata is playing Chuushingura to arrest me! The next one is "Operation Chuushingura". See ya! ==== Episode 113, The Name of the Operation is Chuushingura ==== :''[Lupin and Jigen are munching away on biscuits at a kabuki play when they notice Goemon clutching his Zantetsuken and crying, enthralled by the play. Lupin, looking displeasedly at Goemon, is about to take another bite of his biscuit when Jigen yanks it away, and Lupin ends up biting his own teeth]'' :'''Lupin''': Ouch! What did you do that for? ''[He reaches for his biscuit again but Jigen slaps his hand away and points at the weeping Goemon. Lupin leaves the theater]'' Just like kids, coming to watch Chuushingura every year. Are the Japanese idiots? ---- :'''Zenigata''': How could they sack you, chief? :'''Chief Asano''': It doesn't matter, Zenigata. I alone doomed myself. As a law keeper, I shouldn't use violence. :''[Zenigata silently bursts into tears]'' :'''Chief Asano''': But if I knew this would happen, I'd have trashed that minister. :'''Zenigata''': I'm sorry. I shouldn't have stopped you. :'''Chief Asano''': Doesn't matter. You must go on. ---- :''[On a boat, Kira complains to a blind drunk Lupin]'' :'''Kira''': I'm very old, of course I'm degenerated. Why must I be treated as the bad guy? :'''Lupin''': Old man, don't cry. Here's another cup. :'''Kira''': Ooishi Kuranosuke, I hate you. :'''Lupin''': Don't look so mean. :'''Kira''': Right. The topic is the treasure. :'''Lupin''': Is there really a treasure? :'''Kira''': Of course there is. I, Kira Kozuenosuke, used my degenerate ways to gather this treasure. :'''Lupin''': If we were meant to meet, I'll investigate it for you. ---- :''[The plane Lupin is flying is low on fuel]'' :'''Lupin''': We're out of gas. :'''Fujiko''': There's a gas station over there. :'''Lupin''': This isn't a car! ---- :'''Kira''': My hands are cold because... I'm a ghost. :''[After a second, Lupin bursts out laughing]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[pounding the table]'' "I'm a ghost"! That's a good one. :''[His friends watch in astonishment as the man literally vanishes into thin air]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[drunk and talking in his sleep]'' Can't take more... ---- :'''Lupin''': Let's see how serious they are. ''[He holds up a white flag. The officer shoots it]'' They're serious. ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[imitating Oishi]'' Comrades of mine, our time has come! :'''Police''': Yes! :''[Zenigata tries to bang the drum but smashes the skin instead]'' :'''Zenigata''': Oops. :'''Officer''': He's taking this act too much to heart. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[in a flirtatious pose]'' Ginger ale later! ==== Episode 121, The Treasure My Grandfather Left Behind ==== :'''Jigen''': Let's save him. ''[He plays the flute]'' :'''Zenigata''': ''[still wrestling with the snake]'' That's the wrong end! :'''Jigen''': My bad. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[dazed]'' Fujiko, what do you conclude from this? :'''Fujiko''': Let's see... Be careful of the floor and the stairs. :'''Lupin''': Oh yeah, that's right. ''[He faints]'' ---- :''[Lupin slips down a flight of stairs]'' :'''Lupin''': This is the last straw! Ain't there an escalator?! ---- :'''Lupin''': What the hell is all this sheep doing here? :'''Gregoire''': Don't be irritated. It's not good for your health. You know, count sheep when you can't fall asleep? I suggest you take a nap till they all leave. :'''Lupin''': Don't talk bullshit. ''[He yells at the sheep]'' Hey, go on! Shoo! Come on! I need that statue! ---- :''[Jigen sees Lupin sitting in the middle of the courtyard. Butterflies circle around his head]'' :'''Jigen''': Lupin! ''[He rushes forward and shakes the dozing Lupin by the head]'' Wake up, Lupin! :'''Lupin''': Three billion, six hundred and fifty seven million, six thousand... :'''Jigen''': ''[smacking Lupin lightly on the head to wake him up]'' What kind of talk is that? We know the guy's real identity now. :'''Fujiko''': Lupin, what are you doing? ''[She runs up to the gang]'' Is that the Venus statue? It's pretty. :'''Lupin''': You can see it behind the camels? :'''Fujiko''': What camels? ---- :'''Fujiko''': You were decieved by some butterflies? ==== Episode 126, Together with Lupin to Hell ==== :'''Lupin''': Could you keep this for me? ''[He tosses Goemon a brooch]'' Just take it for me as my parting gift. I could be killed by Fujiko's tricks. ''[Goemon gives a smile of understanding, pockets the item and leaves]'' ---- :''[Lupin removes the tape from a bound Jigen's mouth]'' :'''Jigen''': Lupin, you jerk! Have I ever betrayed you? What's the big idea? :'''Lupin''': If I didn't, you wouldn't come with me. :'''Jigen''': Stop the car! I don't want to take part! ''[Lupin sprays Jigen with knockout gas]'' Lupin, I'll remember this... :''[He passes out in the front passenger seat]'' :'''Lupin''': I'll wake you when you get there. Sweet dreams. ---- :'''Lupin''': What now, Jigen? :'''Jigen''': Dunno. ---- :'''Lupin''': Let's use rock-paper-scissors to see who'll decide. ''[Jigen scoffs]'' As I thought... ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[thinking Lupin had died]'' He was a lady-killer, spineless, irritating, but to die like this... :''[a stone is hurled at his head. Lupin emerges from one of the corner pockets]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[indignantly]'' Who's a spineless irritating lady-killer?! ---- :'''Lupin''': Damn, the water's coming in. Go-Goemon... ''GOEMON!!'' ''[The stone behind Lupin and Jigen is sliced and they fall out backwards]'' Goemon, are you dead, too? :'''Goemon''': That would be troublesome. ==== Episode 128, The Old Woman and the Thievery Contest ==== :''[Lupin barges into Jigen and Goemon's room. The two men wake up squealing like little girls. There's a short, awkward pause. Lupin goes to the end of Goemon's bed and looks at him curiously]'' :'''Goemon''': ''[blushing and clearing his throat]'' It seems I've had a bad dream. :'''Jigen''': ''[trying to look casual]'' Me, too. :''[Lupin leaves, knowing his partners don't have the diamond]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': I'm mad that you used my name at your will. :'''Mrs. Dokonjo''': You're angry... :''[She bawls]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[nervous]'' Granny... Listen, granny... ''[He moves over to console her]'' I'll forgive you. But please, don't do it again. Please. :''[She looks up at him with a glare]'' :'''Mrs. Dokonjo''': Lupin! :'''Lupin''': What kind of a look is that? ---- :''[The gang stand on each other's shoulders so that their lunatic friend can reach a diaper on a laundry line]'' :'''Jigen''': When I find that old lady, I'll show her who's boss. :'''Goemon''': ''[standing on Jigen's shoulders]'' I came to Broadway for this? :'''Fujiko''': ''[standing on Goemon's shoulders]'' The four of us had to be mobilized for that? :'''Lupin''': ''[standing on Fujiko's shoulders]'' Just a bit more... there... just a bit more... :''[He manages to grab the trivial thing]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': That old bag is trying to make the article more interesting. She siphoned the gas out of the tank. We're out of gas! :'''Jigen''': ''[laughing lightly and pushing his fedora further down his face]'' That old biddy. I'm beginning to like her. ==== Episode 129, In Jigen, I Saw the Kindness of a Man's Soul ==== :'''Guard''': At the moment, the president is taking a nap. Until he wakes up, please wait in the waiting room. :'''Jigen''': OK. By the way... ''[He hits the guard with a tranquilizer dart]'' Why don't you take a nap as well? ---- :'''Lupin''': I really ought to go there myself, but Pops is hot on my tail right now. :'''Zenigata''': Grrr... Woof! ---- :''[A group of men in brown uniforms burst in on Jigen, who is sitting in a hotel room, holding a beverage glass and wearing a nightgown and a nightcap]'' :'''Jigen''': Well, I don't recall calling for room service. :'''Janaican Police Chief''': Has a woman come into this room? :'''Jigen''': What woman? Sorry, man, but I'm a woman-hater. :'''Janaican Police Chief''': If you're lying, you're in big trouble. Search the place! :''[The men trash the room while Jigen calmly sits and has a drink. Fortunately, they don't notice the broken window the woman swung in through]'' :'''Janaican Officer''': Damn it, she got away! :''[The men leave as Jigen holds the door open for them]'' :'''Jigen''': ''[to the chief]'' Thank you for coming. Why don't you have a drink with me? :''[The chief ignores him and leaves. Jigen kicks the door shut in a huff]'' ---- :'''Fujiko''': ''[disguised as a pilot]'' We're carrying too many people. One person has to get off or we're going to crash. :'''Lupin''': ''[fighting a thumb war with Zenigata]'' That's what he says. What are you going to do, Pops? I don't want to get off. :'''Zenigata''': ''[also fighting the thumb war]'' I don't want to get off here either. ==== Episode 139, Steal Everything From Lupin ==== :'''Lupin''': ''[watching Mr. Steel carry Fujiko off]'' I ain't gonna let my body have all the fun without me. ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[disguising himself as a woman]'' Lupin has a weakness for women. :''[He applies the lipstick. The white face paint and colorful clothes honestly make him look more like a clown. He answers his walkie-talkie]'' :'''Officer''': Inspector, Lupin is here. :'''Zenigata''': Alright, I understand. ''[He puts on a girlish voice]'' I'll be right there. ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[seeing Mr. Steel as Lupin grope a woman in the park]'' He's really trying to act like Lupin, isn't he? :'''Lupin''': I'm not as bad as that. ---- :''[Mr. Steel in Lupin's body tries to chat up a disguised Zenigata]'' :'''Goemon''': His taste is as bad as yours. :'''Lupin''': Don't be silly. I wouldn't try and pick up Old Man Zenigata if I was offered. ---- :'''Jigen''': What now, Lupin? Your body will be taken to prison. ---- :'''Lupin''': This is the first time I've disguised myself as myself. It's really strange. ---- :''[Zenigata faints from the confusion of having his body transported into Mr. Steel's]'' :'''Dr. Changer''': Poor thing. With his brain it's difficult to understand what's going on, you see. ---- :''[as Zenigata, in the dying Mr. Steel's body, chases his own body, Lupin drives past in the Mercedes]'' :'''Lupin''': Pops! Work harder, will you? :'''Zenigata''': L-Lupin! :''[Lupin accelerates, and so does Mr. Steel]'' :'''Zenigata''': Wait! :''[Gradually he slows to a walk and finally collapses, dropping his handcuffs. It's curtains for Zenigata... probably]'' ==== Episode 140, Wolf Run, Pig Fall Down ==== :'''Lupin''': Look at Pops bragging up there. :'''Jigen''': Go ahead and let him. ---- :'''Jigen''': Thanks for catching up, Pops. ---- :'''Jigen''': That fish could beat Jaws. :'''Lupin''': I oughta turn 'im into a canned salmon. ---- :'''Lupin''': Animal instincts really are a wonderful thing. ==== Episode 142, The Big Favorite Disappeared at the Grand Race ==== :'''Lupin''': Pops, where's your parachute? :'''Zenigata''': I don't need it to arrest you! :'''Lupin''': Let go, Pops! :'''Zenigata''': No way in hell! :''[They float down past Red Arrow, who kicks Zenigata, sending him falling into the water, taking Lupin's pants with him]'' ---- :'''Fujiko''': You've done it, Lupin! :'''Lupin''': Yes, but he eats like a horse, pardon the expression. ---- :'''Lupin''': Pops, I'm leaving him with you. Take care of Red Pig. ==== Episode 145, Wings of Death: Albatross ==== :''[Lupin prepares to exchange the detonator for Fujiko]'' :'''Lonebach''': One... :'''Lupin''': Two... :''[Fujiko reveals herself to be Zenigata in disguise]'' :'''Zenigata''': Three! ---- :''[Zenigata searches Lupin, emptying his false foot]'' :'''Lupin''': Pops, is that big aeroboat going to fly? :'''Zenigata''': Yes, today they will test it. :'''Lupin''': I see, that's the story behind that Albatross spark plug thing. ''[Zenigata grabs his face and pulls hard]'' Ow! Ow! Stop it! :'''Zenigata''': Oh, it's in here? :''[Zenigata pulls off a fake hairpiece from Lupin's head]'' :'''Lupin''': It's not my fault. :''[Zenigata looks in bewilderment as the hairpiece starts to fizzle, and finds out too late that it's a flash grenade]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': Fujiko. Fujiko. :''[Fujiko awakens]'' :'''Fujiko''': Lupin. :'''Lupin''': You're not hurt? :''[Fujiko finds she's lying in the rubble, sandwiched between Jigen and Zenigata, who are unconscious. Lupin, meanwhile, is hanging upside down. The four of them look like a tangled mess]'' :'''Fujiko''': I know you look serious but this really must be some kind of joke to you! ---- :''[Lonebach floats through the air with Zenigata clinging to him]'' :'''Zenigata''': I've never seen an atom bomb like this. :'''Lonebach''': These bombs are real, I tell you! :'''Zenigata''': Then let them explode! :'''Lonebach''': No! No way! ==== Episode 148, The Target is 555 Meters ==== :'''Lupin''': The building lights all look like little diamonds from up here. ---- :'''Lupin''': OK, Goemon, I'm good and ready. ==== Episode 151, The Arrest Lupin Highway Operation ==== :'''Zenigata''': I'll catch Lupin even if I have to go into the cage with him. ---- :'''Lupin''': Yo, Pops, are you alright down there? :'''Zenigata''': ''[poking his head through the bars]'' Lupin, how dare you! Don't move! I'm going to get you right now! ''[He realizes his head is stuck and manages to pull it back through the bars. The barge starts moving]'' Stop that! :'''Lupin''': Next time, pick a better trap for me! ''[He laughs loudly]'' :'''Zenigata''': ''[angrily shooting at Lupin]'' You think it's so funny to make a fool of me? ==== Episode 152, Jigen and a Hat and a Pistol ==== :'''Fujiko''': I need Jigen to... ''[She sees Jigen wearing a Tyrolean hat and giggles]'' Jigen, what happened to your hat? :''[Jigen blushes and hides behind Lupin]'' ---- :''[The gang finds Zenigata hiding in a bush with a recording device, sobbing]'' :'''Lupin''': Well, now. Pops, what are you crying about? :'''Zenigata''': Lupin, I've never been so touched like I am today. I really respect Jigen's decision. He is a man among men. :'''Lupin''': What? :'''Zenigata''': Listen, Lupin. I'll let you go until Jigen does his job. Go for it, Jigen! I'm rooting for you! :''[He marches away, singing the theme to Star of the Giants]'' ==== Episode 154, The Hexagon's Great Legacy ==== :'''Fujiko''': ''[disguised as a messenger]'' Inspector, I've got news for you. :'''Zenigata''': Regarding Lupin? :'''Fujiko''': Yes. He's targeting a bank at the Hexagon City. :''[Zenigata laughs eagerly and snatches his coat]'' :'''Zenigata''': Give it. :''[He dashes out the door]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': Wait there, Lupin. I'll use my bonus money to buy you a grave. ==== Episode 155, Farewell my beloved Lupin ==== :'''"Zenigata"''': And this cutie... I mean, the girl is? ---- :'''Lupin''': The real Pops should be at the airport by now. ---- :'''Zenigata''': How stupid can a guy be to impersonate Lupin? ==== English Dub Bloopers ==== :'''Jigen''': I still say that broad is nothing but trouble, but God damn it, has she got great tits or what? ---- :'''Jigen''': It says right here, "Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot..." ---- :'''Lupin''': Sounds like someone thinks he might not measure up. :'''Jigen''': Oh, that's ridiculous, man! I have a fourteen-inch doggy dick and don't you forget it! ---- :'''Dr. Normil''': Gentlemen. :'''Jigen''': Hey, this guy's got a dick for a head. :'''Dr. Normil''': I can see you've been talking about me already. ---- :'''Jigen''': You just tripped over my dick. ---- :'''Jigen''': There's a sign up ahead. It says ''Go Fuck Yourself''. ---- :'''Lupin''': Nothing like a tall glass of juice after a near-fatal sauna. :'''Jotarou''': Excuse me, but I thought you might like to know that you now have no choice but to lick my sweaty fucking testes. ---- :'''Lupin''': Stop it! Turn it off, please! :'''Jotarou''': And then, when you couldn't beat my father fair and square, you cheated! :'''Lupin''': Hah! I could have broken into that safe blindfolded, but I didn't! And you know why? It was out of compassion for your father, you bald fuck! :'''Jotarou''': That's a desperate lie. I'm ''not'' a bald fuck, I ''wax!'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': Dickhead, you'd better be positive about this. :'''Dr. Normil''': I hate it when people call me that. ''I'M VERY SENSITIVE ABOUT MY HEAD!'' Bastard! :'''Zenigata''': ''[in thought]'' Sure you are... ''penis with ears''. === Lupin III Part III === ==== Episode 1, The Gold is Beckoning Lupin ==== :''[Lupin sees a phone ringing in a shark's mouth. He answers it]'' :'''Lupin''': Call me back. I'm busy. :'''Fujiko''': Oh, dear. The Lupin I know wouldn't act so cold. :'''Lupin''': Who's that? Oh, Fujiko. :'''Fujiko''': I'm in San Francisco, and I need your help. :'''Lupin''': Oh, you're in Frisco? Right, I'm on my way. ''[As he hangs up, the shark bites him on the hand. A wave crashes onto him. As it turns out, he was dreaming, and the wave that hit him was water from a vase he knocked over while trying to put the receiver back. He lies half out of his bed, still holding the receiver]'' ---- :'''Jigen''': You said you were stuck to the seat with super glue? Be careful not to peel your back. :'''Lupin''': I have to hurry and help Fujiko. :'''Jigen''': ''[dismantling the bomb]'' In Chinatown? ''[He pulls out the connecting wire]'' Right, got it. :''[Lupin flexes his back, but the bomb is still stuck to him and the entire back of his clothes is torn off]'' :'''Lupin''': Guess not. ==== Episode 2, Expose the Great Trap ==== :'''Lupin''': Whoever touches this bubble when it bursts instantly loses their short-term memory. :''[He lets the bubble float and walks away]'' :'''Jigen''': Hmph. Ridiculous. ''[The bubble bursts on the brim of Jigen's hat, and he stares ahead in a trance. Lupin steals the gun Jigen was cleaning and swaps it with an ice cream cone. Jigen breaks out of the trance and rubs a handkerchief on the ice cream]'' Huh? What the...? ''[Lupin laughs, and Jigen throws the ice cream into his mouth]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': Here you go, back-ash-wards. ---- :'''Director Aran''': ICPO approved the use of six tons of pure gold for this operation. And the operation failed. Naturally we have to take the blame for it. :'''Zenigata''': ''[crying]'' Because of my failure... I apologize. :'''Director Aran''': You don't have to apologize to me. What's done is done. And you're not an Inspector anymore. Forget about Lupin and go back to Japan. :'''Zenigata''': Director Aran, thank you for everything during my time in the force. ''[He walks away in tears]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': You damn interloper! Mind your own business! Not mine! ==== Episode 3, Greetings, Hell's Angel ==== :'''Lupin''': Well? Scared yet? If you feel like running away, this is your last chance. :'''Flora''': I don't feel like it. ''[Lupin looks bewildered]'' If you're trying to drive me away by scaring me, it's not working. ''[Lupin trudges away, then stops and glances back at Flora]'' I've made up my mind to follow you to the end. ''[Lupin looks surprised. Flora runs to him with open arms]'' Do what you want with me, Lupin! :'''Lupin''': ''[disturbed]'' Just kidding! Joke's over! :''[He flees and tumbles into the sea]'' ==== Episode 4, Telepathy is Love's Signal ==== :'''Lupin''': ''[over the phone]'' Fujiko dear! :'''Fujiko''': ''[in the bath]'' Lupin, I won't see you any more. :'''Lupin''': Sorry. Just wait for me. Kissy kissy! :'''Jigen''': Calling Fujiko again? ==== Episode 6, Lupin has Come With a Tank ==== :'''Lupin''': Geez, where's he off screwing around? At this rate, we'll find the pearly gates before we find the Megas treasure. ==== Episode 9, the Copy-Man Becomes Expensive ==== :''[Zenigata is stuck on a magnet, with Budweiser pinned between them. He strains to pull himself loose]'' :'''Dr. Budweiser''': Ouch! Let go of me! :'''Zenigata''': Sorry, doctor. I'm doing the best I can. ''[He tries to pull himself away]'' Damn you, Lupin! He tricked me into wearing a suit of armor because of this magnet. ''[He gets his right arm free]'' Damn it, I can't get loose! ''[His left arm is now free as well. He continues trying to heave himself away. Some time later, Zenigata is fully free. He runs out of the safe and looks around]'' Alright, Lupin! You're mine! ''[He sees a glass case with smouldering ashes coming from it]'' He tricked us with this smoke, saying that it's poisoned gas! Wait a minute! He made us believe that he left through the tunnel... But he's actually probably gone to the roof! ==== Episode 10, Lay a Plot with the Treasure ==== :'''Goemon''': I was distracted again. I must improve my mind. :'''Lupin''': ''[wearing a chef's hat and apron and holding a frying pan]'' Thanks a lot. I couldn't find the can opener, so it was a big assist. ---- :'''Jigen''': Still, what a flake. Doesn't this guy know about libel laws? ---- :''[Lupin has just told Jigen he heard that the Minister needs Arsene Lupin's treasure for something]'' :'''Jigen''': ''[scoffing]'' Ridiculous. I heard the Minister of Justice is going to run for President. He's just using you as campaign fodder. :'''Lupin''': Yeah, it seems like it. ---- :'''Jigen''': By the way, why does the Minister have your grandpa's treasure? :'''Lupin''': Well, the story I heard is that is that grandpa was screwed over by some broad. And she was the Minister's mother. :''[Jigen laughs]'' :'''Jigen''': That's hilarious. It's just like you and Fujiko. ---- :'''Lupin''': You eat a lot. How many stomachs to you have? :'''Jigen''': Don't be silly. It's natural to get hungry after exercising. ---- :'''Jigen''': Don't you think this jailbreak looks too easy? :''[In the back seat, Zenigata looks nervous]'' :'''Lupin''': What? That just means that my plan was perfect. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Minister, you don't have to go about this in a roundabout way. If you leave it to me, I can arrest Lupin right now! :'''Minister''': Inspector Zenigata, if you really could arrest him so easily, Lupin would have been in prison long ago. :'''Zenigata''': Huh? Well... Yes, but... :'''Minister''': Suppose you arrest him. If Lupin then escaped from jail, it would hurt my presidential campaign. Listen, you must not try to arrest Lupin without my permission. :'''Zenigata''': Yes. I, I... I understand, sir! ---- :'''Lupin''': Hey, Pops, you better scram! That dome's gonna blow! ---- :'''Zenigata''': That's our Lupin... I knew something like this would happen! ==== Episode 13, Play a Joke on the Variation ==== :'''Zenigata''': Well? Isn't it cosy, wrapped in my super Lupin-catching flypaper? ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[sticking an exploding bag to Zenigata's face]'' You'd better not peel it off too hard or your skin will come off. ---- :'''Jigen''': What Lupin needs is rest. He's completely exhausted, in both mind and body. ---- :''["Fujiko" drives Lupin to Madame Luisa's castle]'' :'''"Fujiko"'''': Madame Luisa, the billionaire widow, is holding a big party. There will be a lot of rich ladies there. Those vain creatures are like moving jewelry shops. You can collect their jewels with those fingers of yours. ''[Lupin is asleep and not listening]'' Lupin? Lupin? Lupin! ''[Lupin, wearing a woman's dress and bandages on his head, finally wakes up. The symbol of a hand with a curved index finger is reflected in his left eye.]'' Understand? Our share will be 70-30. ''[Lupin sees the castle and stares at it as though in a trance]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': I caught Lupin and lived! ---- :'''Lupin''': Welcome to the peep show! ==== Episode 16, The Poisonous Golden Apple ==== :'''Jigen''': Got a cold? :'''Lupin''': No, it just happens when Pops talks about me. ---- :'''Guard''': Ah, Inspector, look out! It's dangerous to lean over so much! This is shark infested water! :'''Zenigata''': ''[arrogant and insistent on searching for Lupin]'' You fool! If you're scared of a shark, you can't arrest Lupin! ''[The boat leans to the side, sending Zenigata falling over the railing and towards the water. Lupin throws a rope out with a wooden block attached to it, causing the Inspector to dangle just above the water. He sees the guard is right, and there are indeed sharks in the water]'' Hey! Get away! Stay back! ''[The sharks jump at Zenigata]'' I'm not tasty! Don't come! Help! Pull me up! :'''Lupin''': ''[pulling Zenigata up]'' Geez, what a troublesome old man you are! :'''Jigen''': You're too nice. It'd make the job easier if you left him as shark bait. ---- :'''Lupin''': Hey, Pops, that's too violent for prime time! ---- :''[Zenigata sees Lupin ride away on a shark]'' :'''Zenigata''': What?! He trained a shark?! That's a Nobel Prize-level trick! :''[Out on the sea, Lupin still thinks he's riding a shark-shaped boat]'' :'''Lupin''': Huh? I can't control it. What happened to this machine? ''[The shark dives out of the water]'' Huh? Th... This is a real shark! ''[The shark dives in and out of the water]'' Whoa! He-help me! ''[It dives in and out again]'' ''Jigen!'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': Prince Adam, this woman is part of Lupin's gang! :'''Prince Adam''': She isn't. Fujiko is my governess! :'''Zenigata''': Your governess? Fujiko? ''[He bursts out laughing]'' ---- :''[Zenigata bends the bars of the cage he's trapped in]'' :'''Lupin''': Wow, you really are a gorilla. Time to scram! ---- :'''Lupin''': Pops, you didn't sleep last night, did you? You'd better take a nap! :''[The tired Inspector watches Jigen drive Lupin away]'' :'''Zenigata''': Wait, Lupin... :''[His all-night vigil takes its toll and he falls asleep on the ground]'' ---- :''[Lupin appears at the door. He looks dishevelled and exhausted]'' :'''Lupin''': How do I look? Am I sexy? :''[He collapses]'' :'''Fujiko''': Oh, Lupin, what's happened to you? You look so thin! :'''Jigen''': The apple is actually a laxative to help with bulimia. :'''Fujiko''': That figures. After all the trouble to get it, it turned out to be a laxative. ==== Episode 17, Are You Really Getting Married? ==== :'''Jigen''': See? It's just like I said. ---- :'''Lupin''': So, Pops, can you do me one last favor? :'''Zenigata''': W-what? Why are you being so polite? :'''Lupin''': Well, you know, you're going to have us executed, so... I was wondering... Could you marry Fujiko and I first? :'''Fujiko''': Lupin... :'''Lupin''': Please, I beg you, Pops. :''[Zenigata thinks about it]'' :'''Fujiko''': I'd like to ask that of you as well, Inspector Zenigata. ''[to Lupin]'' To tell you the truth, I've loved you all the time. :'''Lupin''': Fujiko... ''[to Zenigata]'' See? Please, Pops. I beg you. :'''Zenigata''': Fine, I got it. I'll see what I can do. ==== Episode 23, The Beirut Mobile Bank Operation ==== :'''Bank manager''': This is my secretary. :'''Fujiko''': ''[disguised as a secretary]'' I was just bringing you drinks. :'''Zenigata''': ''[with an upturned glass on his head]'' So I see. ---- :'''Zenigata''': They brushed me off with some tissues. What do they take us for at Interpol? :''[He sniffs them]'' :'''Zenigata''': Hey, these smell pretty nice. Guess that's normal for a posh bank... ---- :'''Computer''': Physical characteristic: Bow-legged. :'''Lupin''': That's none of your business! ---- :'''Lupin''': Settle down and have one last smoke. :''[He genially hands Zenigata a cigarette. The Inspector sits down and takes the cigarette. Lupin lights it]'' :'''Computer''': Smoking is forbidden. :''[It sprays water in Zenigata's face]'' ==== Episode 24, Sleep Peacefully, My Friend==== :'''Lupin''': ''[cornered and out of bullets]'' Stupid Jigen! :''[Jigen arrives in a helicopter]'' :'''Jigen''': If you don't like me, I can flee solo. :'''Lupin''': Please don't, Jigen-san. ==== Episode 26, A Ghost in New York ==== :''[Goemon has fished out a skeleton from the Hudson river]'' :'''Goemon''': An unidentified corpse. And floating down the Hudson river. Poor fellow. I wish you a speedy journey. ''[As he starts to leave, the skeleton grabs his hakama]'' What are you doing? Stop haunting me or I'll slash you! ''[The skeleton winks flirtatiously. Goemon yells. He watches as the skeleton vanishes in a puff of smoke]'' A host? An illusion? ''[He looks at the bamboo flowerpot he had laid on the ground with trepidation]'' ---- :'''Lilly''': I do love older men. :'''Goemon''': O-O-Older men? ---- :''[Lupin catches one of the quintuplets in his arms]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[with hearts in his eyes]'' Hey, it's the cute babe from before! Seriously, what's your number? I've got to know! ''[She pushes Lupin away and slaps him]'' ==== Episode 29, Let's Go to the Honey-Moon ==== :'''Jigen''': ''[hearing Fujiko and Lupin plan to get married]'' Hmph. You should take a walk before you break his heart. ---- :'''Goemon''': ''[seeing a Daruma doll seemingly moving on its own]'' What power! ---- :'''Zenigata''': Open, sesame. :'''Door''': Please go away. :'''Zenigata''': ''[pounding the door]'' Open up! Open up! ... Open, carrot. :'''Door''': Please go away. :'''Zenigata''': Open, tomato. Open, green pepper! Open, potato! Open, burdock! :'''Door''': Please go away. :'''Zenigata''': Radish! Cabbage! Celery! Sweet potato! ---- :'''Goemon''': Mr. Robot, please tell me how to cast my chi. ''[The robot flees in the other direction]'' Mr. Robot! Please! ''[Goemon blocks its path]'' Please... I beg you! Please teach me! ---- :'''Zenigata''': I always knew she'd stab you in the back. You were betrayed by the woman and your pals and it left you ruined. You felt defeated, and your thoughts turned to suicide. ''[Lupin yawns]'' But then you heard a divine voice saying "Don't be hasty. ''[Lupin removes the handcuffs and plays with them]'' Is that right, Lupin? ''[Lupin yawns again, so hard that tears form in his eyes]'' Don't cry. Here you are. ''[He hands Lupin a handkerchief. He blows his nose]'' There's an old proverb about not shooting the bird who turns to you for help. Right? You know it? ''[He sees Lupin has placed the handkerchief over his hands and removes it, with his handcuffs back on his wrists]'' ==== Episode 32, 10 Million Dollar Key ==== :''[Zenigata has arrested Lupin for stealing a hamburger. Lupin lies on his prison bed while Zenigata drunkenly sits before his cell]'' :'''Zenigata''': I've been chasing you for ten years. And all that time I've never had a day of rest. Turning my back on my home, leaving my country, forsaking women... ''all to chase you!'' :'''Lupin''': ''[turning away]'' You don't get to pin the lack of girlfriends on me. :'''Zenigata''': B-b-By the way... ''[He falls onto his side]'' By the way... Why... Of all the shameful things you've done, Lupin... Why'd it have to be over a hamburger? This is beyond pathetic. :''[He passes out. Lupin looks over at Zenigata with a smile]'' :'''Lupin''': You really are a big softy, Pops. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Robbing a local bank? ''[He sneezes]'' Talk about lowering your standards. ---- :'''Jigen''': American cops aren't pushovers like the ones in Japan. ---- :'''Lupin''': There's no point in having a car as an ornament you can't drive. ---- :'''Lupin''': Everyone needs a break. Even master thieves. ---- :'''Lupin''': The President seems better suited to riding a horse than a car. ---- :'''Lupin''': Well, that saved us some trouble. They stole the car themselves. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Damn that Lupin! If I ever arrest him, I'll give him my cold! :'''Lupin''': ''[to himself, in the other room]'' That must be Pops! ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[reading Lupin's letter]'' "Your beloved Lupin", my ass. ---- :'''Zenigata''': I came here to have breakfast... I mean, arrest you. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[after Fujiko steals the car]'' Oh, whatever. ---- :'''Lupin''': "Ron"? "Zeni"? What are you, poker buddies? ==== Episode 33, A Boy Genius Plays a Dangerous Game ==== :'''Lupin''': Oh, it's Pops. It's weird seeing him play tag in a place like this after so long. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Lupin, are you after the boy, too? :'''Lupin''': As if! Like I'd get mixed up in something like this! ---- :'''Zenigata''': Freeze! :'''Lupin''': No way! ---- :''[At the New York ICPO headquarters, a poorly Zenigata sneezes loudly]'' :'''Zenigata''': ''[sneezing loudly]'' I will definitely catch Lupin... even if I have to sacrifice my life. ''[He sneezes again]'' :'''Chief''': I don't care about Lupin, Zenigata. It seems you don't understand how important this invention is. Anyway, bring back that boy Mikhail. ''[Zenigata blows his nose]'' He wants to use this invention to help starving people Africa and Asia. ''[Zenigata doesn't listen. He stows away his tissue, then takes out a piece of folded paper]'' That was the late Professor Kazanov's dying wish. If it winds up in corporate hands or those of a single government... ''[He realizes Zenigata is distracted]'' Are you listening, Zenigata? ''[Zenigata sneezes white powder into the chief's face]'' ==== Episode 34, Manhattan Crisis ==== :'''Zenigata''': ''[harried]'' ICPO hate putting people up on travel. They're so damn stingy on expenses. ---- :'''Lupin''': You say "pure love", but you mean "pure gold", don't you? ---- :'''Zenigata''': If I arrest Lupin know, they wouldn't know what to do with me! That's why I let him go on purpose. ---- :'''Lupin''': Sorry, I'm... Huh? You're still mad? :'''Goemon''': You woke me up from a nap. How could I be in a good mood after that? :'''Jigen''': Try taking your anger out on the mafia guys. ---- :'''Lupin''': I wish I could act like Elliot Ness! ---- :'''Thug''': Who are you? :'''Goemon''': We're the Shinsengumi! What? Oh no, Lupin's stupidity has rubbed off on me. ---- :'''Fujiko''': Where's Goemon? :'''Jigen''': He went off to crash. :'''Fujiko''': How can he sleep when there's eight million dollars waiting for him? ---- :'''Jigen''': Hey, Lupin. Did you order this thing? :''[Lupin finds that there's a grenade on the sandwich tray. He and Jigen race out the diner. Lupin presses his back to the door. The diner blows up. When the smoke clears, Lupin is unharmed, still with his back to the door. He stares ahead, face blank and numb with terror]'' :'''Lupin''': Delicious. ---- :''[Fleeing from the mafia, Lupin and Jigen run into a couple of policemen doing a stop-and-search] :'''Lupin''': Officer! Help! Help! Help! H- ''[He finds himself staring down the barrel of a cop's gun]'' Eh? ''[He quickly dodges before the cop fires and he and Jigen continue running down the street. The suspected felon fires at them along with the cops]'' Are they mafia, too? :'''Jigen''': Guess so. ---- :'''Lupin''': How many people are in the goddamn mob?! :'''Jigen''': Just assume it's everybody! ---- :'''Lupin''': Help us, Pops! :''[The mafia follow him and Jigen out of the manhole and chase them down the street]'' :'''Zenigata''': I'll help you when I've arrested you. ---- :''[Lupin and Jigen shelter together in a safe while Zenigata searches among the rubble]'' :'''Lupin''': Looks like we're stuck here for a while. :'''Jigen''': ''[dazed]'' Guess so. ---- :'''Goemon''': I'm tired. Bye. ---- :''[Zenigata sits before two wooden crosses he made for Lupin and Jigen]'' :'''Zenigata''': Why did you die and leave me on my own, Lupin? I... I loved chasing you. ''[He buries his face in his fist and cries]'' :'''Lupin''': Hey, Pops! What's up? Did someone die? :'''Zenigata''': Lupin! You're alive? ''[He dodges as Fujiko drives past him]'' :'''Fujiko''': Lupin! Wait for me! :'''Zenigata''': ''[overjoyed]'' Freeze, Lupin! You're under arrest! ==== Episode 38, The Little Mermaid ==== :'''Jigen''': Fujiko, in your vocabulary the word friends is just a synonym for money. ---- :'''Wallace''': Mr. Lupin is waiting for you. Please hurry. :''[He hands the Zantetsuken to Goemon]'' :'''Goemon''': Thank you. ''[Two officers run up to him. He imitates Zenigata]'' You fools! Hurry up and find him! He's escaped! :'''Officers''': Yes, sir! :''[Wallace and Goemon smile, then walk away. As they do so, Zenigata, lying under the rubble, flicks a tracking device onto the Zantetsuken]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': I can't go to heaven having been betrayed by my beloved Princess, can I? ---- :''[Lupin is carried off by a dolphin who is in love with him]'' :'''Lupin''': I don't wanna live underwater! Help me! Jigen? Goemon? Fujiko? Pops?! ==== Episode 39, The Gold To My Rival ==== :'''Zenigata''': Darn you, Lupin... Huh? I feel sleepy. ''[He muzzily makes out a group of masked men breaking into the armored car]'' Hey, wait! ''[A man grabs Zenigata by the arm and holds a knife to his throat]'' You're not Lupin's gang. ''[He bites the man's hand, causing him to scream in pain and lose his aqualung, and judo-throws him]'' Don't underestimate me. I, Zenigata, am not so easily... ''[He collapses by the wall, sedated by the gas and sound asleep]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': The culprit wasn't Lupin this time. He... :'''Chief''': I don't want to hear excuses! Zenigata, hurry up and find that gold, no matter ''who'' took it! :'''Zenigata''': ''[saluting]'' Understood, sir. ---- :'''Forensic scientist''': This is a "survival knife". It's used by special forces. :'''Zenigata''': Special forces... :'''Forensic scientist''': ''[pointing to an engraving on the knife]'' Look at this. :'''Zenigata''': Hmm, it's got an engraving. :'''Forensic scientist''': Yes. It's the serial number of the soldier who owned it. :'''Zenigata''': I see. ''[He dashes to the door]'' Thanks a bunch. You've been very helpful. :''[As he leaves, Jigen emerges from the locker]'' :'''Jigen''': I see. The gold robbers were special forces. :'''Lupin''': Yeah. No doubt. :'''Jigen''': ''[taking the knife]'' Still, he's not very bright to drop it. :'''Lupin''': Now, shall we go? '' :'''Jigen''': Right. :''[Lupin pulls off his mask just as Zenigata comes back in. He hastily pulls it back down]'' :'''Lupin''': W... What do you want? :'''Zenigata''': Huh? I thought I heard voices in here. Is everything OK? :''[He searches Lupin and stares suspiciously at him]'' :'''Lupin''': N... No, I'm just mumbling to myself. What do you want? :'''Zenigata''': Oh, right, right. Could you give me back the knife? :'''Lupin''': The knife? ''[He fumbles around for it]'' Knife, knife, where is that thing...? ''[Jigen's arm emerges from behind Lupin's coat with the knife]'' Oh, here. :'''Zenigata''': Ah, thanks. ''[He stands, wondering why the forensic scientist just grew a third arm. Lupin hastily shoves him out the door]'' :'''Lupin''': You got what you wanted, so get out and let me work! ''[He shuts the door]'' Phew. That was a close call. ---- :'''Lupin''': Thieves don't work during playtime. ---- :'''Zenigata''': "Cool my head"? Asshole. ---- :'''Jigen''': By the way, Lupin, what is this? :'''Lupin''': It's a missile. :'''Jigen''': What?! :'''Lupin''': I "borrowed" it from the armory! :'''Jigen''': Get me off this thing! :''[The missile crashes into a forest. The men emerge in one piece from a pond]'' :'''Lupin''': You still alive, Jigen? :'''Jigen''': Our partnership is over. ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[clinging awkwardly to an airborne plane]'' That's it! No more team-ups! :'''Lupin''': But aren't you comfortable? ==== Episode 41, A Night Under Martial Law ==== :'''Goemon''': It was careless of you to abandon us for a woman. :'''Jigen''': Lupin's habits are rubbing off on me. ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[holding Lupin's face in a caressing manner to examine the scratch on his cheek]'' Is that a new wound? :'''Lupin''': Yes, very new. :''[The two men gaze at each other and share a smile]'' :'''Goemon''': Idiots. :''[Lupin and Jigen touch each other's faces, then laugh]'' ==== Episode 44, Our Papa is a Thief ==== :'''Goemon''': ''[disguised as a construction worker]'' At least we're lucky this isn't Japan. No one I know will see me like this. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''(loudly singing)'' ''For the sake of my honey, I'm old-fashioned, aren't I? For the sake of the jewels, yeah-ho!'' ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[raising his voice to a chicken-like squawk]'' Damn, Lupin! You finally got someone knocked up! :'''Goemon''': ''[to the flabbergasted Lupin]'' It is rather unlike you to leave evidence behind. :'''Lupin''': It's a lie, it's a lie, it's a lie! I've. Been. Framed! I've never met this Mary! :'''Jigen''': ''[leaning into Lupin's face]'' You sure about that? :'''Lupin''': Pretty sure. ---- :'''Goemon''': You are a man of the world, aren't you? :'''Lupin''': ''[sheepishly]'' Well... a bit... ---- :''[Lupin calls Fujiko]'' :'''Fujiko''': I told you, we're not teaming up. :'''Lupin''': It's not that. I need a woman's nursing hand. ''[He sees Mark and Vivian playing with Lupin's Walther and Jigen's Magnum]'' Shut up! That's not a toy! ''[He and Jigen snatch their weapons back]'' :'''Fujiko''': ''[hearing the commotion of children]'' Lupin, are you hiding in a kindergarten? :'''Lupin''': No. OUCH! :''[Over in a truck, Zenigata listens in on the conversation]'' :'''Fujiko''': Well, I'm too busy to help, plus I don't want to. :'''Lupin''': Please, Fujicakes! We're in an apartment in the East Village! :'''Fujiko''': No! :''[She hangs up]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[crying]'' I didn't know that thieves with children even existed! On the contrary, I... :'''Lupin''': Don't cry on me, Pops! :'''Zenigata''': Having spent my life chasing this fool, I never even found a wife! I don't even have any darling children! My fate won't allow it! :'''Lupin''': What snapped in Pops? :'''Jigen''': Apparently he wants a family. :'''Goemon''': Poor soul. :'''Jigen''': This is our chance to run. :''[They back away from the poor, lonely Inspector and make a break for it]'' :'''Zenigata''': I want a wife! I want kids! ---- :'''Goemon''': No matter how we look at it, there's no way Jigen or I have children. :'''Jigen''': Right. No chance of that there. Though in your case... :'''Lupin''': Please, stop talking like that. ---- :'''Fujiko''': We both need to escape! :'''Lupin''': ''[sarcastically]'' Thanks for thinking of me! ---- :'''Jigen''': You look good in drag. :'''Goemon''': Shut it already. ==== Episode 46, Soaring on Scrap Wings ==== :'''Lupin''': ''[imitating Fujiko]'' "Lupin, I want the Hina dolls. Let's have a Hina doll party, just you and me." Let's light the lantern! Lantern, lantern! :'''Jigen''': ''[scoffing]'' Too silly for me. ---- :''[The plane crashes, with Zenigata inside]'' :'''Jigen''': Aw man, the old man finally bit it. :'''Fujiko''': I feel a bit sorry for him. :'''Lupin''': ''[devoutly clasping his hands together as he floats into the sea]'' Well, he's got a special reservation on his arrival in heaven. ---- :'''Zenigata''': I'm glad you saved my life, but the problem is we can't communicate. == Lupin the Third Part V == [[File:083-face-with-monocle.svg|thumb|[[Thieves]] are in the [[shadows]], [[all]]'s [[right]] with the [[world]].]] * [[Thieves]] are in the [[shadows]], [[all]]'s [[right]] with the [[world]]. ** Smart monocle activation code; derived from ''[[w:Pippa Passes|Pippa Passes]]'' by [[Robert Browning]], (1841) == About ''{{PAGENAME}}'' == [[File:Giacche_Lupin_III.jpg|thumb|In a word, he’s all about “[[freedom]]”, isn’t he. I think this makes him a reflection of what we’d like to be ourselves. ~ Monkey Punch]] [[File:Walther_P38_(6971798779).jpg|thumb|He's a nice man <br> But he's cool <br> You know, he uses [[w:Walther P38|Walther]] <br> Yeah <br> The machine cries, <br> "Bang bang." <br> Yeah, he's the Lupin the Third. <br> Nice man <br> Yeah, he smiles <br> And he gets angry... sometimes. <br> But... he's a groovy guy. ~ Tokyo Movie Kikabuku]] * Lupin the Third is [[James Bond]] meets [[Charlie's Angels]] with [[Scooby-Doo]] sensibilities. ** Rob Lineberger. [https://web.archive.org/web/20140311223826/http://www.dvdverdict.com/reviews/lupinthe3rd.php "Lupin The Third: The World's Most Wanted Review"], ''DVD Verdict'', (May 21, 2003). *'''Interviewer''': Lupin’s [[charming]] isn’t he… :'''Monkey Punch''': In a word, he’s all about “[[freedom]]”, isn’t he. I think this makes him a reflection of what we’d like to be ourselves. :* Monkey Punch as quoted by [https://wavemotioncannon.com/2017/08/08/lupin-iii-a-short-interview-with-monkey-punch-animage-071978/ "Lupin III – A Short Interview With Monkey Punch"], Kazuhiko Kato, ''Animage'', (07/1978) * The world's richest man isn't a [[w:Rothchild|Rothchild]] or a [[w:Rockefeller|Rockefeller]]. It's Lupin! ** "Uncover the Secret of Tsukikage Castle"/"The Riddle of Tsukikage Castle", (June 12, 1978), written by Mon Shichijo * [A] crazy, groovy 1960s world of dynamite and backstabbing, hippies and gangsters. ** Jason Thompson. "Manga: The Complete Guide". New York, New York: Del Rey. (October 9, 2007). p. 196. * [A] fascinating homage to [[Mad (magazine)|Mad magazine]] and a four star example of comics as pure [[comedy]]. ** Jason Thompson. "Manga: The Complete Guide". New York, New York: Del Rey. (October 9, 2007). p. 196. * Lupin <br> He's a nice man <br> But he's cool <br> You know, he uses Walther <br> Yeah <br> The machine cries, <br> "Bang bang." <br> Yeah, he's the Lupin the Third. <br> Nice man <br> Yeah, he smiles <br> And he gets angry... sometimes. <br> But... he's a groovy guy. ** "Nice Guy Lupin", composed by Takeo Yamashita and performed by Charlie Corsey, written by Tokyo Movie Kikabuku, (January 30, 1972) === "Interview Monkey Punch" (November 13th 2003) === <small> [[w:Monkey Punch|Monkey Punch]], [http://www.animenewsnetwork.com/feature/2003-11-13 "Interview Monkey Punch"], ''Anime News Network'', (November 13th 2003) </small> * Actually, it's kind of interesting. I think men and women in general as... rather than saying tease, say they enjoy each other. They use their attributes; Fujiko uses her beautiful body and her sex appeal as a weapon and Lupin uses his cunning and his wit as a weapon and they like going at it with each other in a fun sense. Not necessarily lovers, not necessarily husband and wife, but more just having fun as man and woman with each other and using their weapons against each other, but in an enjoyable way. That's how I think of that. * When I started drawing Lupin thirty-six years ago, I was really only supposed to draw him for 3 months. It was more of only a contract project. At the end of that 3 months, it became popular and I continued drawing it for 10 years. And over that time, I never expected that I'd be invited to America multiple times, to attend these conventions, have so many fans and people that have read my works and have come to talk to me and express their gratitude. It's really an amazing feeling and at the same time it's bizarre in a way. I don't understand the popularity. I'm happy for it, but I don't understand it. * I would probably have to say as far as inspirations are concerned, maybe some of the more famous mystery works, just worldly mystery works. I think they probably helped me out creating my stories quite a bit. <br> Even things like, you know, Treasure Island or Monte Crisco, I think even those works influenced me quite a bit. I even enjoyed reading about D'Artagnan from the Three Musketeers. It might be my own analysis, but I even feel that Lupin might be very similar to D'Artagnan. M'lady the character that comes out from the D'Artagnan stories, I think that person might even be similar to Fujiko. So, those kinds of works I really think they did affect me at an early age. == External links == {{wikipedia}} [[Category:Japanese TV shows]] [[Category:Science fiction TV shows]] [[Category:Fantasy TV shows]] 5oqvvnnso2pic24ai7yswee6vg5h5vu 3778796 3778794 2025-07-14T18:39:57Z 147.147.131.144 /* Episode 10, Steal File M123 */ 3778796 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Lupin_III_logo.svg|thumb|'''Lupin the Third''']] '''''Lupin III'''''(Nihongo: ルパン三世|Rupan Sansei), also written as '''Lupin the Third''' or '''Lupin the 3rd''', is a [[Japanese]] [[w:manga|manga]] series written and illustrated by [[w:Monkey Punch|Monkey Punch]]. It follows the escapades of master [[thief]] [[w:Arsène Lupin III|Arsene Lupin III]], the grandson of [[w:Arsène Lupin|Arsene Lupin]], the [[w:gentleman thief|gentleman thief]] of [[Maurice Leblanc]]'s series of novels. == Quotations from the series == === Lupin The Third Part I === ==== Episode 1, Is Lupin Burning...? ==== :'''Zenigata''': Lupin, how many years has it been, chasing you like this? It's in my blood. It's my fate. If you weren't the grandson of Arsene Lupin, and if I weren't a descendant of Heiji Zenigata... I'll catch you for sure some day. ---- :'''Lupin''': Well, hello, Fujiko. How are you? :'''Fujiko''': ''[clothes torn and tickling hands all over her]'' I'm not exactly tickled pink, Lupin. ---- :'''Zenigata''': You fool! What, do you think you'll stop me? :'''Fujiko''': Not at all. But stay here if you don't want to die. ==== Episode 2, The Man They Call a Magician ==== :'''Lupin''': I'm hungry. :'''Jigen''': Sorry, but we only have food for me, not for you. :'''Lupin''': The octopus? Forget about that. ---- :'''Jigen''': Man, this glass sure can be a pain. ==== Episode 3, Farewell My Beloved Witch==== :'''Lupin''': Linda, my sweet! :'''Jigen''': The hell? Did he just say "Linda, my sweet"? I can't do this... ---- :'''Lupin''': "Attack your prey swiftly and disappear like the wind", right? ---- :'''Lupin''': The missile. A nuclear warhead! ''[Close to tears, he places a hand on the missile]'' Linda had to die for something as stupid as this. ''[He quietly weeps into the missile]'' ---- :'''Jigen''': This is why I keep telling you to be careful of women. :'''Lupin''': I got it, I got it. Don't nag so much. ==== Episode 4, One Chance to Breakout ==== :'''Doctor''': That man is something else. :'''Zenigata''': Well, he won't be for much longer. After all, he's going be executed. ''[He imagines himself at Lupin's trial]'' Death penalty! Death is the only suitable sentence for Lupin the Third! I devoted my entire life to capturing Lupin! I came into being solely so I could arrest him! He should be executed! Death penalty! Death! ''[Next he imagines Lupin being executed in various ways]'' The verdict: I sentence Lupin the Third to death! ''[He imagines Lupin crying pitifully at his trial. In his office, Zenigata sweats and anxiously buries his face in his hands as he wonders if this is what he really wants]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': Jigen, are you just going to let Lupin die?! ---- :'''Zenigata''': I guess this is finally goodbye. ''[He meets the officer's gaze]'' I mean, this world will finally be peaceful. ==== Episode 5, The Coming of Goemon the Thirteenth ==== :'''Lupin''': Dang it! Goemon Ishikawa the First was boiled to death! So I figured this Goemon would be weak against fire! That's the whole reason I prepared the fuel! But ''nooo''! :'''Jigen''': Enough with the braying. What are you, a donkey? ---- :'''Fujiko''': Oh, Lupin! I'm so glad. So, are you going to help me? :'''Jigen''': ''[rolling over on the couch]'' Hmph! This is ridiculous. ==== Episode 9, Killer Sings the Blues ==== :'''Goemon''': He's late! :'''Jigen''': ''[sulking on a chair and frustratedly throwing darts at a heart-shaped target]'' Yeah. Late. :'''Goemon''': What could he be doing before a job? :'''Jigen''': Hung up on a woman, most likely. :'''Goemon''': If that's the case, what are you going to do? :'''Jigen''': I've had enough. We're through! ''[He throws a dart at the door just as it's being opened. Lupin catches the dart in his hand. Jigen brightens]'' You're late! ---- :'''Fujiko''': What a square. ---- :'''Goemon''': Where's Lupin? :'''Jigen''': ''[feigning apathy]'' Don't care. ''[The walkie talkie buzzes. Once again, Jigen's mood brightens]'' Oh, it's him. ---- :''[Jigen sees Lupin tied up in his underwear with a huge bump on his head]'' :'''Jigen''': Huh? Where's the woman? :'''Lupin''': She ran away. :''[Jigen bursts into laughter]'' :'''Jigen''': This is priceless! :'''Lupin''': Laugh it up. ==== Episode 11, When the Seventh Bridge Falls==== :''[Jigen sneezes]'' :'''Lupin''': Are you cold? :'''Jigen''': Of course. I wanna get home and take a nice hot bath. :'''Lupin''': Then you better return this. :''[He passes the bomb back to the shivering Jigen]'' :'''Jigen''': Huh? You're heartless. :'''Lupin''': Just do it. :''[He pushes the complaining gunman back into the water]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': She was such a nice girl. :'''Jigen''': ''[throwing Lupin out of the boat]'' Go back there by yourself, then. ==== Episode 13, Beware the Time Machine ==== :'''Lupin''': ''[to Jigen]'' You sure made one sexy maid, too! ---- :'''Fukuroko''': Well, Inspector, would it make you happy if I were Lupin? :'''Zenigata''': Huh? ''[He bursts into derisive laughter]'' :'''Fukuroko''': What if I'd switched places with the real Fukuroko when you left the room earlier? ''[Zenigata stops laughing]'' And what if all the cops here... ''[He reveals his own voice]'' :'''Lupin''': ... Happened to be my men? ''[Zenigata sees the cops dropping their masks and grinning. He charges forward]'' :'''Zenigata''': Lupin! ''[Lupin blows thick smoke from the cigar]'' Damn it, Lupin! ---- :''[Lupin finds Jigen sitting in the middle of a room cluttered with books, perusing obsessively]'' :'''Lupin''': Hey, Jigen, will you quit this already? Forget about that loon. ''[Jigen walks off to the side]'' Hmph. Fine. I'll just take Goemon with me for this next job. Hey, Goemon! Goemon! ''[To Lupin's chagrin, Goemon appears from the pile of books, likewise perusing the volumes]'' :'''Goemon''': What? :'''Lupin''': Well now, Goemon. :'''Goemon''': I'm certain I've heard of Kyousuke Mamou as well. :''[Lupin goes to the front room, sits down in an armchair and puts his feet on the table]'' :'''Lupin''': You gotta be kidding me. Mamou, Mamou, Lupin the 13th, the year two-thousand something... This ain't a sci-fi manga. :''[Some time later, Lupin sleeps in the armchair. As though in a dream, he hears Mamou's voice speaking to him]'' :'''Mamou''': Allow me to explain, Lupin. I have conquered the fourth dimension. Behold. With this time machine, I can traverse the temporal plane, past or future. And I saw it. ''[A frown forms on the slumbering thief's face]'' I saw my descendants kill your descendants. It all occurs about nine hundred years from now. ''[Lupin moans softly]'' Still don't believe me? Then I'll tell you my date of birth. It's November 18th, 1932. :''[Lupin wakes up, and sits up in confusion]'' :'''Lupin''': November 18th, 1932... Yeesh! What a lousy dream. ''[He goes to the window and stares contemplatively out of it. Jigen and Goemon enter the room]'' :'''Jigen''': Hey, Lupin, we found it. Listen up. Kyousuke Mamou, a scientist. Sci-fi author and recipient of the Hugo award. His passion lies in the fourth dimension, especially the study of time and space, but he went mad in 1966. :'''Goemon''': While institutionalised in the city's psychiatric hospital, he declared the world was in crisis, and built a time machine, his version of Noah's Ark. He is currently traveling in time. :'''Lupin''': What's his date of birth? :'''Goemon''': Date of birth? Yes, it's here. November 18th, 1932. :'''Lupin''': ''[smirking]'' Quite interesting, Mr. Kyousuke Mamou. ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[to Fujiko]'' Lupin's in a bit of a serious mood right now. He's up against a man who travels the fourth dimension, one Kyousuke Mamo. We're afraid of him, too. ''[Lupin flies into a rage and hurls a machete past them]'' :'''Lupin''': BULLCRAP! Did I ever say I was afraid? Hell no! You think I'd take that lunatic's threat seriously? ''[He grabs Fujiko]'' Come with me, Fujiko dear. ''[He races off down the road with her in his Mercedes to take her on a date and forget about the lunatic]'' ---- :''[Fujiko watches Lupin sitting dejectedly on a hill outside the church]'' :'''Fujiko''': Lupin... :''[Lupin answers with a groan]'' :'''Lupin''': It's frustrating, but... this is hopeless. :''[He trudges over to Fujiko]'' :'''Lupin''': Fujiko... :''[He kneels in front of Fujiko, buries his face into her and starts crying. Suddenly, he hears church bells ringing and gets an idea]'' :'''Lupin''': Fujiko... marry me! :'''Fujiko''': What? :'''Lupin''': [desperately] I only have three more days. This is my last wish. :''[Fujiko blinks, confused]'' :'''Lupin''': Please. We'll just do the ceremony. Please, Fujiko. :''[He beseechingly puts his hands together]'' :'''Lupin''': Please. :'''Fujiko''': You really love me that much? :'''Lupin''': Yes! :'''Fujiko''': Then... okay. :'''Lupin''': ''[spirits lifted]'' Really? Alright! ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[shaking Goemon roughly]'' Hey, Goemon! Why the hell didn't you help him? :'''Goemon''': And what exactly did you do to help? :''[Jigen, distraught, buries his face in the table]'' :'''Jigen''': Lupin... Lupin... :'''Goemon''': Don't cry, Jigen. ''[Despite this, Jigen starts to cry anyway]'' I'll avenge him. :''[Jigen looks up at Goemon indignantly]'' :'''Jigen''': Idiot! You're too old-fashioned! He's in the Fourth Dimension! The 29th Century! What can an Edo Period guy like you do? If Mr. Edo Period could do something, Lupin would most likely have done something himself. :''[He continues crying into the table]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[from behind the aquarium]'' Edo Period, huh? How insightful of you two. You've given me a great idea. :''[Goemon and Jigen stare at Lupin in shock. Jigen breaks out into a cold sweat]'' :'''Jigen''': ''[eyes streaming with fresh tears]'' Lupin... :'''Lupin''': Well, you see, I was worried that people would miss me when I was gone, so I hid for a bit. ''[He chuckles]'' :'''Jigen''': ''[angry at Lupin for scaring him]'' Damn you, Lupin! ==== Episode 14, The Emerald's Secret ==== :'''Lupin''': ''[seeing Zenigata dance with a disguised Fujiko]'' He's a superb dancer. Very manly, dynamic, simple. ==== Episode 16, Operation Jewel Snatch ==== :'''Fujiko''': ''[to Lupin]'' Your grandfather, Arsène Lupin, would never let anything slip from his grasp. :'''Jigen''': Can't disagree with you there. ---- :'''Beaver''': The emergency alarm! Call the police! :'''Jigen''': Don't make a racket. ''[He pushes Beaver so that his rear is stuck to the floor, and tapes his mouth]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': Beaver, we know you've been smuggling jewels. ==== Episode 17, Lupin Caught in a Trap ==== :'''Lupin''': Oh, come on, Jigen. Don't look so cranky. :'''Jigen''': ''[defensively]'' I was born cranky. ==== Episode 22, The First Move Computer Wins Operation ==== :'''Zenigata''': ''[near tears]'' Damn that Lupin, acting all high and mighty. :'''Chief''': Inspector, calm down. :'''Zenigata''': ''[anxious]'' But... === Lupin III Part II === ==== Episode 1, The Dashing Entrance of Lupin III ==== :'''Jigen''': ''[respectfully taking off his hat]'' These are hard times for innocent bystanders. What kind of amateur are we dealing with? ---- :''[Lupin, Jigen, Goemon and Fujiko sit on a raft in the middle of the ocean after the liner meant to trap them sinks]'' :'''Fujiko''': It's unbelievable. A billion dollars, it's all gone. Sunk in the ocean, for what? All for revenge. What a waste. :'''Lupin''': I just can't get over it. Old Pops, the constant pain in the rear, who hounded me across seven continents, is gone forever. It's really true what they say in the song, you don't know what you got until it's gone. :'''Jigen''': ''[crossing himself]'' Everybody's gotta go sometime. It's all just a long goodbye, Lupin. :'''Goemon''': Zenigata is now with his ancestors. :''[All four have a moment of silent prayer]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[choking up]'' Poor Pops. :'''Zenigata''': Lupin, you weasel! We had a deal! Get your butt over here! :''[The four of them see Zenigata riding a turtle]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[relieved]'' Pops! Is that you? We thought you were dead! Oh, I could kiss you, ya big lug! Let's get out of here, guys! The chase is on again! Woo-hoo! :''[The gang paddles the raft to New York City. Zenigata spurs the turtle forward, but it throws him off]'' :'''Zenigata''': Wait, Lupin! ==== Episode 2, A Bouquet of Bills Blossoms in Rio's Sunset ==== :'''Jail Security Guard''': Hey, knock it off in there! That tapping's driving me crazy! :'''Lupin''': Oh, sorry there, pal. But you're not officially crazy until you go... BLEH! BLEH! BLEH! ==== Episode 3, Hitler's Legacy ==== :'''Lupin''': ''[shivering and sneezing]'' I still don't get why it took you guys twenty minutes to haul me back on board! :'''Fujiko''': Actually, we could've had you out a lot sooner, lover, but everybody agreed that cold water was exactly what was needed to cure your... voyeurism. :'''Jigen''': In fact, we're gonna keep some handy. :'''Lupin''': Very funny. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[about Genhalter]'' The bad news is he's in East Berlin. :'''Fujiko''': What? East Berlin? Isn't that a little ironic? :'''Lupin''': War's over, guy says, "Hey, they may be Commies, but at least they're fellow homicidal totalitarians." ---- :''[Japanese original]'' :'''Lupin''': Maybe I'll just become a little birdie! ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[seized by West Berlin police]'' Hey, get off me! I almost had him this time, but what the hell do you care?! I know, you're only following orders! "Sieg heil!" ---- :'''Lupin''': I oughta take Rip Van Schickelgruber here and throw him back over the wall! ---- :'''Lupin''': Hey, ladies! This way! We got a rich widower with a heart condition! ---- :'''Zenigata''': Now, be a pal and pose with those transvestites. Come on, it's for my scrapbook. :'''Officer''': I'd never do that. I'm a police officer. :'''Zenigata''': Fine, fine, whatever. But don't just stand there like a big stiff. Smile at least, or something. Come on. :'''Officer''': This ''is'' my smile. :'''Zenigata''': ''[dryly]'' Big surprise. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[seeing the report cards]'' This was his secret stash?! He murders half the world and he's ashamed of ''this''?!? ==== Episode 4, I Can Hear Nessie's Song ==== :'''Goemon''': For Buddha's sake, Lupin, have some dignity. ---- :''[Lupin sees Fujiko being abducted by Dr. Oz]'' :'''Lupin''': Fujiko! Fujiko, hold on! I'm coming! ''[He grabs the oars]'' Come on, Jigen, we gotta help her! :''[He starts rowing at speed, causing Jigen to almost fall out and nearly drop the scotch]'' :'''Jigen''': Hey, hey, hey! The scotch! Who-o-oah! :''[Over on the boat, Fujiko feebly protests]'' :'''Fujiko''': No! Let go of me! :'''Dr. Oz''': Faster! Let's go! :''[Lupin rows frantically, inadvertently tossing Jigen up and down]'' :'''Lupin''': Fujiko! Fujiko! Fujiko! :'''Jigen''': ''[simultaneously]'' Uh! Ow! Oh! :'''Fujiko''': Lupin, help! :''[Dr. Oz turns the boat around. Lupin approaches it in the rowboat]'' :'''Lupin''': Don't worry! I'm coming! Here I am! :''[He swings at one of the men and hits him on the head]'' :'''Jigen''': Hey! Take it easy! I'm getting seasick! :''[A wave from the boat capsizes Lupin's small rowboat. Dr. Oz's motorboat drives away]'' :'''Fujiko''': Lupin! :''[Lupin and Jigen lie across the capsized boat]'' :'''Lupin''': Jigen! Get 'em, get 'em, get 'em! :'''Jigen''': ''[aiming his pistol]'' Hang on. I can't get a beat on 'em. :'''Lupin''': Come on! They're getting away! Shoot 'em, willya? :''[He impatiently hits Jigen over the head with an oar]'' :'''Lupin''': Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! :''[He looks over at Jigen, who is lying, dazed, across the capsized boat]'' :'''Lupin''': Oops. Sorry, pal. ---- :'''Goemon''': ''[after saving Lupin and Jigen from being taken out by an assassin]'' It's a good thing that one of us wasn't sleeping on the job. ---- :''Lupin suddenly cries out. Jigen shoves him to the ground as bullets rain over them]'' :'''Jigen''': Damn it! What in the hell is the matter with you, Lupin? :'''Lupin''': Matter?! What's the matter?! Ask my damn butt! :''[Lupin has a bear trap on his behind]'' :'''Jigen''': Ooh, that's gotta hurt. These guys are good. I mean, well, you know. ---- :''[Goemon pulls at the bear trap on Lupin's behind]'' :'''Lupin''': Ow! Easy, Goemon! :'''Goemon''': Transcend it. :''[Goemon pulls the thing free, ripping off the back of Lupin's pants in the process]'' :'''Lupin''': "Transcend it", my ass! :'''Goemon''': Ah, the old exploding bear trap in the ass trick. ''[He throws away the bear trap and it explodes]'' :'''Lupin''': ''ANYBODY HERE NOT TRYING TO KILL ME?!'' :'''Goemon''': Sorry. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Yep, that sedative would stop a Brahman bull. Prepare to be roped, tied and branded, little dogie. You can sleep it off on your way to prison, on a nice long flight. Not much legroom, but you won't notice. ''[He imagines wheeling a suitcase through the airport, with a dazed Lupin crammed inside. Zenigata imagines himself getting out a syringe]'' A little more? Just say no to drugs, kids. ''[He imagines himself injecting Lupin with the liquid and the thief passing out. Back in reality, he searches for where to aim]'' :'''Zenigata''': Head... neck... shoulder... heart... ''[He sets the crosshairs on Lupin's navel]'' Ah, perfect! There we go. :''[He fires the tranquilizer dart. Goemon rushes in and deflects the dart]'' :'''Zenigata''': Huh? ''[The dart hits Zenigata's forehead]'' ''Ow!!'' :'''British Officer''': You alright, sir? :''[Zenigata sits there, stunned. A dazed smile forms on his face]'' :'''Zenigata''': ''Yyyyeeeeessss, just fiiine.'' :'''British Officer''': Inspector Zenigata! ''[Zenigata yawns]'' Bloody hell. ''[Zenigata falls over backwards and passes out]'' ''Now'' what do I do? ---- :'''Jigen''': Uh, Lupin? I take it back. What I said about Nessie. :'''Lupin''': You? Yeah. Gimme a break. :'''Jigen''': No, really. I've been skeptical about the whole thing, but I'm starting to come around to your point of view. :'''Lupin''': Oh, really? And what brought about this conversion? :'''Jigen''': Oh, I don't know. Probably this fifty-foot sea serpent here. :'''Lupin''': Yeah, yeah. Very... ''[He turns around and finds that Jigen is absolutely correct]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': Help! I'm being eaten by a quaint folk legend! ---- :'''Dr. Oz''': What a touching tableau. I'm all choked up. :'''Jigen''': Not enough, if you ask me. :'''Dr. Oz''': I'd say that beard disqualifies you from weighing in on matters of taste. :'''Jigen''': Hey! Come on down here and say that! ---- :'''Lupin''': Smart guy like you? You really thought Nessie would be attracted to this tin can? :'''Dr. Oz''': Her mating habits are obscure. :'''Lupin''': I'm guessing yours must be too if you really thought this lame plan would work. :'''Dr. Oz''': You can bait me all you like, but it's all moot since your friend charmed Nessie for me. :'''Jigen''': Thanks a lot, Fujiko. :'''Fujiko''': Don't blame me. :'''Lupin''': It's, uh, kind of funny, you know? :''[He and Jigen burst out laughing]'' :'''Dr. Oz''': What is so amusing? :'''Fujiko''': I happen to have a nice singing voice! :'''Lupin''': It's just that it's not the first of your charms that comes to mind. :'''Fujiko''': Oh God, you're hopeless. :''[She knees Lupin in the chin]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': Fujiko, keep singing! ''Mother, father, please believe me, every word is true. I just glimpsed a...'' :''[The Loch Ness Monster heads back underwater]'' :'''Lupin''': Uh-oh, I don't think he likes my rendition very much. ==== Episode 5, I'll Show You How to Transport Gold Bullion ==== :'''Lupin''': You keep trying, Pops. At least the law of averages is on your side, if nothing else. ---- :''[The gang arrive in Nice and trudges along the Promenade des Anglais]'' :'''Jigen''': Oh man, I am so glad to be out of that friggin' forest. :'''Lupin''': Walking all night, starving to death, I can't take another step... Whoa, a restaurant! Woo-hoo! ==== Episode 6, Is the Leaning Tower of Pisa Standing? ==== :'''Lupin''': Of course it's leaning, Jigen. It's just, after all that chianti, you are, too. :'''Jigen''': Oh. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Lupin! ''[He finds he's sitting on a dolphin's back. It dives into the water]'' Hey! ''[It dives back out again]'' Whoa! Cut it out! I'm on official business here! Whoa! ''[And it dives in and out again]'' Stop! I'm serious! ''[And again]'' I'll get you for this, Lupi- ''[And again]'' How do you turn this thing off? ==== Episode 7, Tutankhamun's 3,000 Year-Old Curse ==== :'''Jigen''': Inshallah, you two. ''[He exits, then pops his head back around the door]'' That basically means "good friggin' luck", pal. ---- :'''Zenigata''': I need a seat on the next direct flight to Cairo. :'''Clerk''': If that's your idea of a joke, sir, it's not appreciated. :'''Zenigata''': Listen, I don't know what the hell you're talking about, pal, but I need a... :'''Clerk''': This is an Israeli airport, sir. There are no direct flights to any Arab country. :''[Enraged, Zenigata grabs the clerk by his shoulders]'' :'''Zenigata''': Look, you, this is the last time I'm gonna ask you nicely. Get me a flight to Cairo! :'''Clerk''': Security! Hurry! We've got a lunatic! :''[The guards beat Zenigata and drag him away]'' :'''Zenigata''': No! Wait! Please! I'm one of the good guys, really! ---- :'''Jigen''': I know we're superstitious, but are we ''this'' superstitious? ---- :'''Goemon''': The sun sets, and the sun rises again. :'''Jigen''': The same sun the Pharaohs worshipped thousands of years ago. :''[Fujiko enters onto the deck, carrying the mask]'' :'''Fujiko''': Yes. You know our lives really are just the blink of an eye. :''[The guys notice Fujiko. All pause thoughtfully.]'' :'''Jigen''': How's he doing down there, anyway? :'''Fujiko''' Once he knew we were heading for the Valley of the Kings, he smiled and fell fast asleep. :'''Goemon''': Fujiko, is that the...? :''[Fujiko nods]'' :'''Fujiko''': I'm so ashamed of myself. I just hope it's not too late to return it. ''[Jigen and Goemon stare at her perspicaciously]'' He fell asleep in my arms, babbling and shivering. It was unbearable, seeing him like that, frail and frightened. He was clinging to me like a newborn baby. ---- :'''Fujiko''' The blood on the cuffs is his. He had to yank his hands free. You know as well as I do, Inspector, that if Lupin were in his right mind, he could just slip right out of them. :'''Zenigata''': You know, you got a point there. So, then, where would he be? :'''Fujiko''': He must be in the Valley of the Kings. :''[She covers her mouth as she realizes she just tipped off Zenigata. A broad, gleeful smile spreads across Zenigata's face]'' :'''Zenigata''': Much obliged, Fujiko. ---- :'''Lupin''': So, how was I? As a king? :'''Fujiko''': Sick and scary. :'''Lupin''': I mean, you know, before that. :'''Fujiko''': Oh, you want to know about... :'''Lupin''': Uh-huh. :'''Fujiko''': No, you didn't bring out the concubine in me. ''[Lupin is crestfallen]'' You were goofy. You should have seen yourself. :'''Lupin''': Damn! ==== Episode 8, The Venice Superexpress ==== :'''Lupin''': ''[in disguise]'' Hey, train dudes! Like, wait up, y'know? ---- :'''Lupin''': Hey, Jigen, listen up. Remember that map? :'''Jigen''': M-hm. Yeah. What about it? :'''Lupin''': You must have left it at the hotel. Zenigata found it and he's on the train. :'''Jigen''': What? Really? Nah. That's impossible. I'd never make a rookie mistake like that. :'''Goemon''': There's a simple way to resolve this. :''[Jigen sighs and searches his own jacket]'' :'''Jigen''': Yeah, sure, I got it right he- Where the hell is it? Aw, man. :'''Lupin''': Don't sweat it. Pops'll be looking for us, and luckily we're in disguise. I'm sure he's clueless about Martino. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Guess we're sharing this compartment. Come on, sit down. :'''Lupin''': Uh, no, man. It's like, you know... later! ''[He opens the next door, and finds Fujiko changing]'' Yeah! ''[She throws her shoe at him]'' :'''Fujiko''': Dirty hippy! :''[Zenigata peers out the doorway of his compartment. Lupin, seeing him, quickly gets up, whistles to himself with feigned innocence and hastily ducks into his own compartment]'' :'''Zenigata''': I could swear I heard a woman scream out here. ''[He heads to Fujiko's compartment and peers inside]'' Excuse me, but I thought... ''[Fujiko screams and throws her other shoe at Zenigata]'' Oww. ''[He reveals a shoe print on his face from where Fujiko hit him]'' ---- :'''Fujiko''': ''[in disguise]'' So, you're actually on a case, Inspector? How exciting! :'''Zenigata''': Oh, yeah? Exactly how excited are you? :''[Fujiko gasps at his tone. Zenigata reveals himself, without taking off his mask, to be Lupin in disguise]'' :'''Lupin''': You know, that jockey's outfit back there was giving me ideas. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Why, you're Lupin! Hold it right there! :'''Lupin''': Nope. ---- :'''Fujiko''': Lupin, listen! You gotta get out of there! You're gonna crash on that bridge up ahead! :'''Lupin''': Get over there first and blow up the bridge! :'''Fujiko''': No, you're insane! Don't do it! You're gonna plunge into the gorge! :'''Lupin''': Just do it, willya? Not that I don't appreciate your concern, sweetheart. :'''Fujiko''': ''[acting like a tsundere]'' Did you think I was talking about you? It's the loot I'm worried about! :''[Lupin reacts with frustration]'' ==== Episode 9, What Do You Think of the Ukiyo-e Blues ==== :'''Sharaku''': Water. Please, I... :''[He grabs Jigen's scotch]'' :'''Jigen''': No! Don't you drink that! It's not water, it's... :''[Sharaku downs the scotch]'' :'''Jigen''': Don't you... :''[Sharaku finishes the scotch and lies back down]'' :'''Jigen''': Damn it. Just my luck. This he's got the strength to finish. ---- :'''Jigen''': I hope he's just hungover. ==== Episode 10, Steal File M123 ==== :''[Lupin and Fujiko are locked in a basement]'' :'''Lupin''': Well, the good thing is, I don't think it's Hell. :'''Fujiko''': Not a real far cry, though. ---- :'''Jigen''': You know, you're like a friggin' teenager, Lupin. You gotta grow up, man. :'''Lupin''': ''[petulantly]'' I am ''not'' like a teenager! You guys suck! Go on, take off. Who needs ya? ''[He hears Jigen and Goemon leaving]'' It's not fair! Everyone's being mean to me! ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[as Zenigata]'' I'd say the acting's a bit over the top, wouldn't you? :'''Zenigata''': I'm not acting, me! ---- :'''Goemon''': ''[as Zenigata]'' Hey! What the hell is everybody doing dressed up like me? ---- :'''Chief''': Mr. Zenigata. :'''Zenigatas''': Yes! :''[The chief groans]'' :'''Zenigata''': Listen, I'm the real Zenigata. I should know who the hell I am, shouldn't I? :'''Zenigata 2''': ''[Lupin]'' He's lying, sir! :'''Zenigata 1''': ''[Jigen]'' They're all lying! :'''Zenigata 4''': ''[Goemon]'' Except for me! ---- :'''Zenigata''': Stewardess! Don't let them on there! :'''Jigen''': How did he get out? ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[seeing Zenigata on his and Lupin's tail]'' Butt pain at six o'clock. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Lupin, I know you can hear me. :'''Lupin''': That's a Roger, Red Baron. I'm here. :'''Zenigata''': I know you stole the file from Scotland Yard. Over. :'''Lupin''': Just casing the competition. Over. :'''Zenigata''': You better hand it over. Over. :'''Lupin''': Why don't you roll me in the clover? Over. :'''Zenigata''': ''YOU GO TO HEEEEEELLLL!'' Uh, over. ---- :'''Goemon''': So, the belt explodes if I do this? :'''Lupin''': Hey, hey! Not funny. ---- :'''Lupin''': Who wants chicken nuggets!? ---- :'''Jigen''': Are you sure? That was from the Queen, inviting you to Buckingham Palace, for your cooperation with Scotland Yard. :'''Lupin''': What?! The Queen?! Buckingham Palace?? ''Aaaagh!'' Get back here! Why didn't you tell me? I always wanted to meet the Queen! Maybe she was gonna knight me or something, who knows? It's possible! ''[He sobs pathetically]'' ==== Episode 11, Wager on the Monaco GP ==== :'''Jigen''': Goemon, are you in? :'''Goemon''': Hmm... Why not? I'll give it a try. :'''Jigen''': Are you saying you've never been before? ---- :'''Lupin''': This is just great! After all the work I put into that stupid race tomorrow! :'''Jigen''': It's your own damn fault. :'''Lupin''': ''I KNOW!!!'' ---- :'''Jigen''': May I remind you the last time she got us a good deal was ''never''? ---- :'''Fujiko''': I've always thought of you boys as close relatives. :'''Lupin''': ''[incredulously]'' Yeah? That's what Lizzie Borden said. ---- :'''Lupin''': I can't believe I lost all that money. :'''Fujiko''': Yeah? Well, that was ''my'' money, you big dumb jerk! :''[She scratches his face]'' :'''Lupin''': Help! She's gonna kill me! :''[He flees down the promenade, with Fujiko in pursuit]'' :'''Fujiko''': You wish! Killing's too good for you! ==== Episode 12, A Present for the President ==== :'''Zenigata''': But I'm telling you, I'm the only one in the world who can capture this guy! :'''Bordeaux Chief''': I know what you are saying, but then why have you not captured him? :''[Zenigata hesitates]'' ---- :'''Bordeaux Chief''': Just follow me, Inspector Origami. :'''Zenigata''': Hey, the name's not Origami, it's Zenigata! ---- :''[Fujiko notices Lupin watching her get in the wine barrel]'' :'''Fujiko''': Grow up, will you? ''[Lupin giggles. As Fujiko gets into the barrel, she sees Goemon watching her]'' You, too? :'''Goemon''' ''[guiltily]'' Uh, me? Uh, I didn't see a thing. ---- :'''Bordeaux Chief''': It's all up to you, Inspector Epiglottis. ---- :'''Bordeaux Chief''': I know my job, Inspector Terra Cotta. ---- :'''Zenigata''': I knew you were settin' me up, Lupin. You had no idea where the bottle was, but I turned the tables on you, Lupin! I had him take me to the wrong place, and now you're hoist on your own whatever you call it. :'''Lupin''': ''[annoyed]'' "Petard", it's called a damn petard! ---- :''[Lupin is drunkenly driving the gang back to the hideout]'' :'''Jigen''': You sure you're okay to drive? :'''Lupin''': Oh, sure. I'm fine. Just fine. Little bit of alcohol like that isn't going to affect me. :'''Fujiko''': ''[sitting in the back with Goemon]'' Lupin, cut it out! ---- :''[Lupin and Goemon are seriously hungover]'' :'''Jigen''': You guys are a couple of lightweights. :'''Lupin''': Come on, man, keep it down, willya? :'''Jigen''': Ah, geez... :'''Goemon''': You know, just for the record, I've never been hungover from drinking sake. :'''Lupin'''': Gee, you think maybe that's cause it ''TASTES LIKE CRAP?!'' ---- :'''Bordeaux Chief''': Ah, here you are, my dear good friend and colleague, Inspector Pennsylvania. Mon ami. ''[He vigorously pumps the hungover Zenigata's arm]'' Merci. Thanks to you, the bottle is perfectly safe with us. ''[He slaps Zenigata on the back]'' :'''Zenigata''': Hey, Lieutenant, you think you can get my name right if I promise not to throw up on your shoes? ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[in disguise, offering to kiss Zenigata on the cheek]'' 'Allo! What about me? :'''Zenigata''': Uh, no thanks. Gotta run. Bye! ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[to a flight attendant he doesn't realize is Fujiko in disguise, gesturing suggestively]'' I'll take whateeeever you're serving. :'''Fujiko''': ''[going behind a curtain]'' Ugh. :'''Zenigata''': Oh, miiiiss? :'''Fujiko''': ''[politely]'' I'll be right back. ''[to Lupin]'' Let's get this over with. Now he's flirting with me! ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[in a note to Zenigata]'' "Dear Inspector: In recognition of your nearly successful efforts, here's some really cheap crap. HA!" ---- :'''Bordeaux Chief''': You are twice the hero, Inspector Sanitation. :'''Zenigata''': Um, well, I mean, uh... :'''Bordeaux Chief''': Modest, too! ---- :'''Reporter''': Inspector, you know Lupin and his gang better than anyone. Why would they pass up a chance to steal a priceless historical artifact in favor of a crate full of dolls intended as Christmas presents for underprivileged children? :'''Zenigata''': It's really baffling, that's all I can say. :'''Lupin Gang''': What'd he say?! ==== Episode 13, The Great San Francisco Chase==== :'''Lupin hallucination''': Aw, you don't wanna kill me. I mean, that'd just be case of murder-suicide, now, wouldn't it, Pops? ''[He laughs maniacally]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': I can't believe we were beaten to the punch like that! :'''Goemon''': You really need to let that go, my friend. :'''Fujiko''': Goemon's right, Lupin. You're really losing perspective here. I mean, we just scored the biggest, most beautiful diamond I've ever laid eyes on. :'''Lupin''': And will you love it as much when it retails for five bucks? ---- :'''Henchman''': ''[witnessing Zenigata talking in his sleep about Lupin]'' The boss was right. This guy is seriously obsessed. ---- :'''Henchman''': ''[smelling Zenigata's breath]'' Son of a bitch. Smells like something died in here. Guy could use a mint. ---- :'''Henchman 2''': Anyways, all's I'm saying is, great game plan, great team, great execution. :'''Boss''': And, uh, speaking of execution, you know what happens to guys who double-cross me, right? :'''Henchman 2''': Eh, we did it. I swear. Here, look. We even took a picture when we finished. :''[He hands the boss the picture. The boss is so shocked his voice slips]'' :'''Lupin''': ''Zenigata?!'' He's the guy?? ---- :'''Goemon''': ''[knocking out the henchmen]'' They'll be fine... ish. ---- :'''Lupin''': Anyway, we already know where the microfilm is. :'''Jigen''': Hell of a lot of good that does us. Though some fun pictures do come to mind. ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[after the psychiatrist uses a bizarre analogy to describe his depression]'' I suppose I should be flattered by that, but I guess I'm just too depressed. ---- :'''Zenigata''': You're not real... You're not real... You're not real! :'''Lupin''': Yoo-hoo! ''[He waggles his tongue at Zenigata. The Inspector screams and runs down the street, leaving a confused Lupin standing there]'' ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[while driving after Zenigata]'' He's driving like a friggin' maniac. ''[An amused little smile spreads across his face]'' I gotta admit it, though: It does feel kinda nice to be running ''his'' sorry ass ragged for a change. ---- :'''Jigen''': Admit it, you were blinded by diamonds and you betrayed us... just like a typical woman. ---- :'''Lupin''': Open wide now, Inspector Sleeping Beauty. ''[He holds Zenigata's nose. The Inspector sneezes violently, and the microfilm goes flying]'' What...? Hey! It's not in there! What's going on? :'''Fujiko''': Wh... Wha...? :'''Jigen''': ''[whistling and pointing to show the direction the microfilm flew in and then pointing to the ocean]'' Mmm... hm. Ker-plop. ---- :'''Lupin''': So, Pops, I hear you talk about me in your sleep! :'''Zenigata''': Shut up, shut up, shut ''up''! ==== Episode 14, The Great Caribbean Adventure ==== :'''Lupin''': Title! ---- :'''Goemon''': When a fever like that proves impervious to every stratagem of Western medicine, it's time for a little Jiryu-toh. :'''Lupin''': What the hell is Jiryu-toh? :'''Goemon''': It's a broth of pregnant earthworms. :''[Lupin gags]'' :'''Lupin''': Oh man, you gotta be kidding me. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Hey, that looked like them! Naw, it can't be. My brain's just rattled from this damn donkey ride. I mean, lots of people go hang-gliding into remote drug cult temples all the time and then... OH! IT IS HIM! ---- :'''Lupin''': You're not fooling me! I saw "The Wizard of Oz" 100 times! :'''Black Magician''': Alright, very well, then. Just trying to have a little fun, for heaven's sakes. ---- :''[The ruby has poor Zenigata hypnotised]'' :'''Zenigata''': My darling, you're so smooth and silky and stuff. Even smoother than mommy, and don't tell her, but I think you even smell a little better. It'll be our little secret... ==== Episode 15, The Great Detectives Take to the Sky==== :''[Zenigata rushes to the blimp as the gangway starts to close]'' :'''Zenigata''': Hey, hold it! I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming! :'''Announcer''': And we almost forgot Inspector Zenigata of Interpol. :''[Zenigata dives for the steps but misses. He jumps at the gap in between the steps]'' :'''Zenigata''': Damn it all, I just... :''[He lifts himself onto the steps, and they close, almost crushing him]'' :'''Announcer''': As did everyone else, apparently. ---- :'''Fujiko''': ''[doing a bad Peter Lorre impression]'' Gentlemen, dinner is served. ---- :'''Gabriel''': Lupin only has until midnight to steal this treasure. After that, not even the greatest thief in the world could pull it off. :'''Lupin''': ''[as Sherlock Holmes III]'' Quite brilliant, really. I must say. It's got me pondering the best orifice for my stamp collection. :'''Zenigata''': Uh... No way. I'm not gonna touch that one. Three hours left. :'''Gabriel''': So, come on. Candyland? Moustrap? Hungry Hippos? ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[as Archer]'' Why don't you just slip me a mickey? I mean, you got anything a little peppier? You know, like... ''[He drums on a bottle and hums a tune before falling over backwards]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': Just give it up. There's no way out of this this time, Lupin. We're puttin' you on ice for good and I got your mittens right here. ''[He pulls out a pair of handcuffs]'' :'''Lupin''': That's very kind, but you might wanna save those for that cold day in hell when I admit defeat. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[previewing the next episode]'' Oh, man, how did I get so ugly? And mean? Is that really me? Something funny's going on and I don't mean ha-ha funny like this. It's shocking. It's exciting. It's smack-me-up-the-head-and-call-me-Patsy. Catch you later! ==== Episode 16, The Two Faces of Lupin==== :'''Zenigata''': Lupin likes to think of himself as some sort of a gentleman thief. If he says he'll be here at three o'clock Thursday morning, you can count on it. ---- :'''Zenial''': What could you possible want, ma cherie? :'''Fujiko''': To feel loved, of course, mon petit escargot. :'''Zenial''': ''[confused]'' Your little... snail? ---- :'''Lupin''': So someone's running around impersonating me. I mean, what's so hard to grasp? I am something of a celebrity, you know. :'''Fujiko''': He dresses like you, he sounds like you, and he's got your fingerprints. :'''Lupin''': Yeah, but he's not as handsome, according to you. :'''Fujiko''': So what? You're a master of disguise, and I didn't say handsome anyway. ---- :'''Fujiko''': Whatever. You guys stick together, and I'll stick to my principles, like not working with killers. :''[She leaves in a huff]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[frustrated]'' What a hypocritical bitch! "Principles", my ass. ---- :'''Fake Lupin''': You know, if this was good enough to con a couple of cons like that, we just might win an Academy Award. :'''Dr. Normil''': Uh-huh. I could be Geffen, and you Katzenberg. But right now, I'd suggest that we check on our little Robert Downey Jr. :''[Lupin is slumped over the table, motionless and groaning]'' :'''Fake Lupin''': This I gotta see. How much of that stuff did you slip in? :''[Lupin completely passes out, drifting off into a deep sleep]'' :'''Dr. Normil''': ''[with a wicked chuckle]'' Enough. Yes, and he'll have absolutely no memory of anything that's happened. :'''Fake Lupin''': Yeah, or of anything that didn't happen either. :'''Dr. Normil''': ''[laughing]'' Exactly! ---- :''[Lupin stands on a tire and puts his head in a noose]'' :'''Lupin''': It's been fun... 'til now. :''[He kicks the tire away, but the second he does, a bullet from a revolver cuts the rope]'' :'''Lupin''': Damn it! Can't a guy kill himself in peace?!? :'''Fujiko''': Sorry, Lupin, but I just can't let you do this. ---- :''[Tied to a chair, Lupin suddenly tenses. Fujiko gasps]'' :'''Fujiko''': It's midnight, right on the dot! :''[Lupin writhes in his seat. Fujiko cocks her gun]'' :'''Fujiko''': Lupin, sorry I have to do this. We'll be together soon. :'''Lupin''': No, wait! It's a... It's a... :''[He sneezes]'' :'''Fujiko''': ''[relieved]'' I knew I was right. You're not a killer. In fact, you're even allergic to death. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[disguised as Dr. Normil]'' Aha! There he is! Look! :'''Zenigata''': Give me those. ''[He snatches the binoculars, nearly accidentally strangling Lupin, who still has the binoculars cord around his neck]'' ---- :'''Fujiko''': Old Pops is going to be really disappointed, but at least he didn't go empty-handed, you know? ==== Episode 17, Aim for the Oildollar ==== :'''Jigen''': Okay, Goemon. You take his right leg, I'll take his left one. :''[They grab Lupin, hold him upside down and shake him]'' :'''Lupin''': Ooh! Ooh! Hey! Guys! Easy! Ow! Ooh! Uh! Ooh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! ---- :''[Jigen paces back and forth across the room]'' :'''Goemon''': We did everything we could. You know that, Jigen. :'''Jigen''': Yeah, I know, I know. :'''Fujiko''': Poor Lupin. :'''Lupin''': ''[from the bathroom]'' Oh! Atlantic Ocean! :''[He emerges feebly from the bathroom]'' :'''Jigen''': What happened? Are you all right? :'''Lupin''': Yeah. I'm fine. ''[He presents the bomb Lawrence made him swallow]'' But that horse laxative almost did me in. ---- :'''Goemon''': Shut up and have some dignity, for god's sake. ''[Fujiko blows a raspberry at him]'' Real mature. ---- :'''Lupin''': What? But, hey! What about all the money? :'''Fujiko''': Hey, I wasn't exactly in a strong bargaining position or anything. :'''Lupin''': Yeah, but, couldn't you... You know... :'''Fujiko''': What, take on the whole group of them in alphabetical order? :'''Jigen''': Well, it's not like it'd be the first time or anything. ==== Episode 18, The Black Panther ==== :'''Lupin''': This is great. I mean, this is the ultimate mother of all birthday presents. Can you imagine her reaction when she opens it up? "You're giving me the Black Panther? Oh, Lupin, I love you! Come over here, I want to be your little pussycat!" ''[He makes kissing sounds near Goemon]'' :'''Goemon''': First, I'm not a prop for your sexual fantasies. Secondly... ''[He pushes Lupin away]'' You don't have it yet. ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[showing the hotel clerk a picture of Lupin]'' This is what he looks like. Well, most of the time, I mean. Sometimes he's a woman, or an eskimo, or... Anyway, have you seen him? ---- :''[The gang spies on Conaiseau]'' :'''Jigen''': It sounds like they're getting ready to hit the road. Yeah, you called it, Lupin. :'''Lupin''': I still can't figure it, though. This guy's nuts. At least with Pops, it's all, you know, pretty damn... predictable. :'''Zenigata''': ''[suddenly appearing at the window]'' ''Well, well!'' :'''Lupin''': Usually, anyway! :'''Zenigata''': All of you, out of the car now! :'''Lupin''': Well, what can one say to a gracious invitation like that except... Bleh! FLOOR IT! :''[The gang drives away]'' ---- :'''Jigen''': Where the hell are these guys going? :'''Lupin''': Beats me. Better not be one of those three-hour tours you hear about on Nick@Nite. :'''Jigen''': ''[chuckling]'' Yeah. ---- :'''Lupin''': Sounds to me like someone's afraid he might not measure up. :'''Jigen''': Oh, that's ridiculous, man! My resemblance to Dillinger inspired me to pursue this career! :'''Lupin''': What, his scrawny ass? :'''Jigen''': Okay, fine! If it'll shut you up, let's just go! ---- :'''Naturist Woman''': Can't you read? This is a restricted area. Women only. Where's your registration tag? :'''Lupin''': ''[leering]'' Gee, I forget. I guess you'll just have to frisk me. :''[A woman scratches Lupin's face. He and Conaiseau are chased by a mob of angry women]'' :'''Conaiseau''': That's no way to charm a lady! :'''Lupin''': Oh, like I'm gonna take lessons from you! ==== Episode 20, Lupin Up Against the Wall ==== :'''Zenigata''': ''[to Lupin]'' You're coming with me! ''[Fujiko knocks him out]'' Ow. :'''Fujiko''': Clumsy me. ---- :'''Generalissimo Hatler''': Mobilize the tanks! :'''Hess''': Ja wohl! :'''Zenigata''': ''[gagged with tape]'' Not the tanks, you big gorilla! Can't you see? That's just what he wants! He thrives on chaos! ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[through his gag]'' See you later, Lupin! You'll be hearing from me! ---- :'''Lupin''': I'd been meaning to ask you: How'd that flesh wound of yours heal up? :'''Fujiko''': I'm as good as new. :'''Lupin''': Really? Ooh... ''[He takes a look between Fujiko's breasts]'' I'll just... :''[Fujiko yelps and slaps Lupin.]'' :'''Fujiko''': ''Lupin''! :''[The young man careens down the hill in his wheelchair]'' :'''Lupin''': Whoooooa! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, noooooooo! :''[He passes Jigen and Goemon. Goemon rests by the trunk while Jigen is on one of the branches. Lupin continues screaming in the background]'' :'''Jigen''': Hey, we've done all we can for the guy. :'''Goemon''': He's on this own this time. :''[Lupin bumps along the dirt path, yelping. Zenigata approaches in his path]'' :'''Zenigata''': Whoa, what's that? ''[Lupin speeds uncontrollably in his direction]'' Hey, wait a minute! :'''Lupin''': I can't stop! :''[Zenigata runs towards Lupin]'' :'''Zenigata''': It's Lupin! ''[He decides it's a good idea to run back in the other direction]'' Hey! Whoa! :'''Lupin''': Pops! Wait! Please help me! :'''Zenigata''': Hey! Get away from me! ''[Zenigata runs down a hill shoulder with Lupin bouncing close behind]'' Get away from me! What are you doing? Let go of me! :'''Lupin''': Help! Help! :''[They crash into each other and fall over]'' ==== Episode 23, Witch of the Fourth Dimension ==== :'''Chief''': Well, give my regards to Speed Racer. I bid you adieu. :'''Zenigata''': ''[into his hat]'' Penis! :'''Chief''': Pardon? :''[Zenigata turns and hits his head on the door]'' :'''Zenigata''': Ow. Must have caught a cold or something. ''[He feigns another sneeze]'' Asswipe! ---- :'''French Taxi Driver''': Who are you? :'''Zenigata''': ''[sarcastically]'' I'm Jerry Lewis! :''[He hijacks the taxi]'' :'''French Taxi Driver''': You've lost weight! ---- :'''Zenigata''': I'm a very grumpy guy. ---- :'''Jigen''': Hey, Goemon. :'''Goemon''': Yes? What? Well? :'''Jigen''': It's Fujiko. She wants to talk to Lupin. :'''Goemon''': Uh-oh. :'''Jigen''': I know. I'm afraid just hearing her voice. It's gonna be enough to make him jump out the window or something. :'''Lupin''': BANZAI! :''[a glass window breaks]'' :'''Jigen''': You know? ---- :'''Bujiko''': Now here's a map, whether you believe it or not. I think it's in some kind of code. :'''Lupin''': That looks like... hieroglyphics! :''[Remembering the curse of King Tutankhamun, Lupin becomes very frightened]'' :'''Bujiko''': What the...? ''[She tenderly touches Lupin's chin as he trembles]'' You know, I don't understand what you're saying to me, Lupin, and that really ticks me off. :'''Lupin''': It's the curse of King Tut. I already did that one! :'''Bujiko''': But it's kind of cute, you know? ==== Episode 24, The Phantom Thief Nezumi Kozō ==== :'''Lupin''': Okay, so who've you ticked off? :'''Goemon''': No one. :'''Jigen''': ''[to Lupin]'' He's got a point. I mean, ''you're'' the annoying one on this team. ---- :'''Goemon''': Huh? There's a light on. This guy's brazen. ---- :'''Rat Boy''': And I didn't just bathe in there, either. ---- :'''Goemon''': What's this? :'''Rat Boy''': Well, with books, it usually helps to open them up. ---- :'''Goemon''': Whoa, what's all this? :'''Rat Boy''': Well, it's your ancestor, Goemon the Tenth, having a bad hair day, apparently. ---- :'''Rat Boy''': If that doesn't tell you how close they were, then maybe I could draw you a picture. :'''Goemon''': Uh, no, that's alright. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Holy crap, where is he, damn it all?! ''[He opens the door, smashing the Chief]'' Chief, are you here?! ---- :'''Chief''': Cause if we do fail... It's... ''[He makes a throat-slicing motion and a gagging noise]'' :'''Zenigata''': Don't worry about it, Chief. This one's a no-brainer. ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[bursting into Lupin's room]'' Hey, Lupin, we've got a problem. ''[To his dismay, he finds the young man snoring away in bed]'' Oh, man. Look at him. ''[He opens the curtains, then shakes Lupin gently on the shoulder]'' Hey, buddy, get out of bed. It's lunchtime. ''[Lupin sleeps blissfully on]'' Wouldn't you know it? Dead to the world. I swear to God, this guy could sleep through World War friggin' Three. Sorry, man, but I'm afraid you leave no alternative. Gotta bring out the heavy artillery. Hey, Fujiko! Put on some clothes! :''[Lupin wakes up immediately. He springs out of his bed, inadvertently throwing his duvet over Jigen]'' :'''Lupin''': Huh?! Where?! Tell me! Come on! :'''Jigen''': ''[throwing the cover off]'' She's not here, Lupin. :'''Lupin''': What the-? Hey! That's low! I'll get you. Just you wait. ---- :'''Jigen''': Hey, hey Romeo. We only got till tomorrow at noontime. :'''Lupin''': Thanks, ''mom''. Don't wait up for me now. I can let myself in. ---- :'''Officer''': This guy was drunk and disorderly, Inspector. Put up quite a fight on the way here. :'''Zenigata''': ''THEN LOCK HIM UP! WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO, MAKE YOU A POT OF COFFEE?! GO ON! GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!'' ---- :'''Ratboy''': ''[to his mouse]'' Okay, Liza. Make me proud. ---- :'''Ratboy''': ''[in disguise, while in the men's room]'' Uh, well, I, uh, thought I smelled gas... :'''Zenigata''': Oh, yeah? :''[He slowly approaches Ratboy, who stands there, terrified. Then Zenigata laughs lightly]'' :'''Zenigata''': Well, doesn't that, you know, sorta come with the territory? ---- :''[Jigen is woken by the sun's glare]'' :'''Jigen''': Crap! ''[He checks his watch]'' Huh? How the hell did I sleep so late? Damn it. Some kind of a lookout. I must be getting old, or something. ''[He hears Lupin's laughter behind him]'' Lupin! Listen, man. I have no idea know how this happened. I mean, one minute, I'm scoping out the plaza down there, and the next thing I know... :'''Lupin''': ''[calming him down]'' It's okay. Ratboy's been working for us all night. :'''Jigen''': What? The rat? Working for us? :'''Lupin''': Yeah, and he's not half bad, either. I mean, you know, for a super-annoying, ugly little pimple-beaked freakazoid. So, that crate pretty comfortable? ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[laughing at the ridiculous situation while also hearing Ratboy's laugh]'' Oh, brother. Does he always laugh like that? :'''Jigen''': I'm afraid so. ==== Episode 25, The Coming of the Iron Lizards ==== :'''Jigen''': Uh, Lupin? :'''Lupin''': Yeah? :'''Jigen''': Knock, knock. :'''Lupin''': Who's there? :'''Jigen''': Land shark! ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[disguised as a guard]'' Admittedly, it's all a bit Coyote and Road Runner, but it works. ---- :'''Fujiko''': Quit staring down my slip and pull me up! ---- :'''Zenigata''': Well, at least he's alive. Thank goodness for that. ==== Episode 26, The Rose and the Pistol ==== :''[Jigen starts after the woman's kidnappers]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[pinkies cuffed]'' Hey, Jigen, wait! Give me a hand here! :'''Jigen''': Damn, how the hell did that happen? :''[Lupin struggles with the cuffs, which are being held on a long piece of twine by an unconscious Zenigata]'' :'''Jigen''': Look, handle yourself. I'd better go. :'''Lupin''': Hey! Get back here! ''[He goes over to Zenigata and fishes for a keyring. He finds to his disappointment that there are lots of keys]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': I don't dare set foot outside wearing this fleschuganah thing on my pinkie! I mean, what if it's some weird code that says I wanna get spanked by a skinhead or something? ==== Episode 27, Find the Cinderella Stamp==== :'''Jigen''': ''[while Lupin and Fujiko argue with Alice]'' OK, now, children, let's just... ---- :''[Alice pretends that Fujiko is her mother, so the police ask her to come with them]'' :'''Jigen''': Call me when you're done, uh, ''darling''. ---- :'''Lupin''': This is bad for our reputation. I mean, if anything, ''she'' kidnapped ''us''! :'''Jigen''': Well if you ask me, I'm not sure that's much better for our reputation. ---- :''[Jigen pistol-whips the officers holding Lupin]'' :'''Jigen''': Leave this to me. You go get the girl. :''[Lupin runs off down the street after the girl, and Zenigata runs after him]'' :'''Lupin''': ''ALIIICE!'' :'''Zenigata''': ''LUPIIIN!'' ==== Episode 29, Electroshock Pigeon Tactics ==== :''[Lupin's car is out of control]'' :'''Jigen''': Slow down, would ya? :'''Lupin''': I can't! :'''Jigen''': What do you mean, you can't? :'''Lupin''': Hey, the friggin' brakes are out! :''[He presses on the brakes to show Jigen]'' :'''Lupin''': See? :'''Jigen''': What? Well, don't just tap'em! :'''Lupin''': I'm not just tapping! Look! :'''Jigen''': Then how come it's not stopping? :'''Lupin''': Because... the brakes... ''ARE OUT!'' ---- :'''Jigen''': Call me superstitious, but next time you're thinking about that broad, don't actually say her name out loud, okay? :'''Fujiko''': ''[from down below]'' Lupin! :'''Lupin''': Huh? :'''Jigen''': No! :'''Lupin''': Hey! :'''Jigen''': Don't say it! :'''Lupin''': It's Fujiko! :'''Jigen''': Aw, crap. ---- :''[Zenigata sees Lupin and Jigen floating in mid air]'' :'''Zenigata''': GOOD GRAVY! :'''Baron''': Let me see! :''[He looks through the telescope]'' :'''Baron''': Ah, you see? Just as I told you. Hmm... :'''Zenigata''': It's the damnedest damn thing I ever saw in my damn life! ---- :'''Baron''': They're falling... They're thrown clear of the car which explodes... when then, they gently float down to earth, bobbing just over the water like pixies. ---- :'''Fujiko''': Will everything be... Well, you know, intent? :'''Doctor''': Ah, yes, I assume you refer to his hoo-hah. ---- :'''Lupin''': Her dot... and his dot... are like one big happy dot! ---- :'''Fujiko''': ''[tossing the bubble maker up and down in her hand]'' So tell me, did you invent this, or did you steal it? :'''Lupin''': Well, I guess that depends on which one would really impress you. :'''Fujiko''': I guess... I'd have to say if you invented it. :'''Lupin''': ''[leaning in for a kiss]'' Okay, then let's just say that I invented it, shall we? :'''Fujiko''': ''[holding up the pin-like tracking device Lupin planted in her hair]'' Okay. :''[She pops the bubble she and Lupin are in. Lupin begins to plummet towards the ocean and frantically claws at the air. Fujiko grows a new bubble for herself]'' :'''Fujiko''': Then you can just make yourself a new one. :'''Lupin''': But, Fujiko...! :'''Fujiko''': ''[mockingly]'' What? You didn't lie, did you? :'''Lupin''': ''Of course I diiiid!'' :''[Zenigata waits beneath Lupin as he plunges in his direction]'' :'''Zenigata''': ''Don't worry, Lupin! I'll catch you!'' :''[He grins eagerly]'' :'''Lupin''': MOMMYYYYY! :''[As Lupin nears the ocean's surface, Zenigata leaps out of the ocean at him]'' ==== Episode 30, The Winds of Morocco are Hot ==== :'''Lupin''': Listen, Commander, I really wish you all the best with this big bloodbath of yours, but, unfortunately, I'm not going to be sticking around. :'''Foreign Legion Commander''': Ah, I understand. Well, it's up to you. But I should warn you, the only way out of here is up those steps over there. :''[He points to a guillotine. Lupin grimly imagines himself being beheaded]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[in his imagination]'' Help me! Ahh! Help! Help me, please! I really don't wanna die! Help me, please! Please, stop! I'm too young to die! And too handsome, and charming, and... :''[Back in the real world, Lupin continues to stare at the blade]'' :'''Foreign Legion Commander''': But, hey, if you have to go, you have to go. I totally respect that. :'''Lupin''': ''[hopefully]'' And you're sure that's the only, only way? There's no, like, camel taxi or anything? ---- :'''Foreign Legion Commander''': Such petty rivalries are nothing but a bourgeois luxury, which the true revolutionary must abandon. Plus, I hate you. ---- :'''Lupin''': Damn. I haven't felt so trapped and helpless since the last time I went to Disneyland. But at least when I was at Disneyland, nobody ever forced me to share a teacup with Goofy. :'''Zenigata''': You'll be sharing a cell with rats when I get you back to Japan! :'''Lupin''': Yeah, well, be that as it may... It'll be the land of the ''setting'' sun for you if you stick around here and end up in the middle of some revolutionary uprising. :''[He imagines himself and Zenigata clinging to each other in the middle of a battlefield, then imagines himself crying over Zenigata's grave as the Inspector floats away as an angel]'' :'''Zenigata''': But... What about my poor mother?! ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[holding Lupin lightly by the back of his jacket]'' I got you right in the palm of my hand. And I'm not lettin' ya... :'''Lupin''': ''[pulling himself free]'' No wonder you never caught me. ---- :'''Foreign Legion Commander''': ''[attracted to a disguised Zenigata]'' What would I have to pay for her? :'''Lupin''': Trust me, you don't want her. :'''Foreign Legion Commander''': Why not? :'''Lupin''': Uh, well... I mean, it's just... ''[Zenigata makes a show of cuddling up to Lupin]'' You know... I love her so much. ''[He fake sobs]'' :'''Foreign Legion Commander''': Alright, get going. :'''Lupin''': Thank you. What a nice man. ==== Episode 31, Shoot Into the Midnight Sun ==== :''[An exhausted Zenigata knocks on the door of a Swedish police car]'' :'''Zenigata''': Zenigata, with Interpol. Would you give me a lift? :'''First Swedish Officer''': Ja, sure. :'''Zenigata''': I'm beat. ''[He gets in]'' It's ten o'clock. Why is it still light out? :'''First Swedish Officer''': We have a thing here called the midnight sun, and it... :'''Zenigata''': THAT WAS RHETORICAL! THE POINT IS, I HAVEN'T SLEPT IN A WEEK! :'''First Swedish Officer''': Ah, well. Here, try this eye mask. :'''Zenigata''': Oh, yeah? Huh. ''[He ties it around his face, then yawns]'' :'''Second Swedish Officer''': ''[not realizing Zenigata is already asleep]'' I'm guessing you got some tip about Mr. Lupin. :'''Zenigata''': ''[startled]'' ARGH! WHERE? DAMN! LUPIN! ''[He holds up his hands]'' Whoa! I can't see! ''What's goin' on?!'' Hey! Is it... the apocalypse? :'''First Swedish Officer''': It's just the eye mask. You're fine. :''[Zenigata pulls up the eye mask]'' :'''Zenigata''': ''[sheepishly]'' Uh... I knew that. ''[He looks out the back window]'' Damn midnight sun's a menace! :''[He clears his throat and pulls the eye mask back down]'' :'''First Swedish Officer''': So, what's Lupin doing here? :'''Zenigata''': Well, it isn't really that clear yet. Could be, he's trying to make his way to the North Pole. Yep, it's the closest place to the old midnight sun this time of the year. He'll blast off in a rocket ship and steal it, I tell ya. I just figured it out. He's gonna steal the sun, mama, so he can get away with everything. ''[The officers exchange confused glances]'' But I'm not gonna care at all, 'cause it's gonna be... so dark. :''[He yawns loudly. The officers shrug. Lupin and Jigen approach the car]'' :'''Jigen''': Is that Pops in the back seat, blindfolded? :'''Lupin''': Sure looks like it. Poor guy just can't seem to catch a break. :''[He gets out a cigarette and goes up to the officers]'' :'''Lupin''': Hi. How's it going, guys? Mind if I borrow your lighter for a second? :'''Second Swedish Officer''': There's no smoking in our town. :'''Lupin''': ''[reaching in through the back window]'' Ah. It slipped my mind. :''[He and Jigen walk away laughing. Zenigata wakes up suddenly]'' :'''Zenigata''': Hey! Wait a minute! Lupin did it! Seen that everything's all dark! :'''Second Swedish Officer''': Inspector, take off your mask. :''[Zenigata does so]'' :'''Zenigata''': I didn't... talk in my sleep or anything, did I? :'''Swedish Officers''': ''[as Zenigata rubs his eyes]'' Not a word. ---- :'''Goemon''': So then, what's the plan? :'''Lupin''': What the hell do you think? Plunder. :'''Goemon''': Because? :'''Jigen''': Huh? :'''Lupin''': Just think of the consequences if we didn't do it. One of those girls is going to die, and do you want that on your conscience? I know I don't and... Uh, well... :'''Goemon''': Go on. :'''Jigen''': And because... it's what we do. :'''Lupin''': Uh, yeah. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[still digging]'' 'Cause that was different... The curse was on that mask, so I totally understood... But this is just crazy. I mean, don't come crying to me when I'm sitting on the biggest... ==== Episode 32, Lupin Dies Twice ==== :'''Fujiko''': Come on, Lupin, please just let him catch you this one time. :'''Lupin''': So, I guess this means we're going to be giving up together. :'''Fujiko''': It does? :'''Lupin''': Sure! That's the power of love. :'''Fujiko''': I, love you? :'''Lupin''': You see? :'''Fujiko''': I'm not fooling around. :'''Lupin''': 'Cause this is all you need. :'''Fujiko''': You're gonna need a doctor. :'''Zenigata''': ''[feeling like he's having to come between a pair of squabbling children]'' Just shut up, you two! Both of ya! ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[on the phone]'' And the inscription on the headstone should read: "Here lies poor Lupin, Fujiko-less. At least if she visits, he can look up her dress." ---- :''[Zenigata and Fujiko rush to the morgue]'' :'''Zenigata''': Chief! Fill me in! What have you got here? :'''Chief''': Well, sir, we got a DOA ''[meaning "Dead on arrival"]''. And we got his partners here waiting to be interrogated. :'''Zenigata''': Hold on! Are you saying Lupin's deceased?! ''Do you think I was born yesterday or something?! Huh?!'' ''THE ONLY DUMMMY AROUND HERE IS THE DOA!'' :''[Zenigata, Fujiko and the chief enter the morgue]'' :'''Zenigata''': ''[scoffing]'' The old coffin gambit, Lupin? Come on, you big con artist. ''[He waves his handcuffs]'' Alright, open 'er up. :''[The mortician opens the coffin. Lupin lies inside, motionless and pale]'' :'''Zenigata''': That's our guy! :'''Fujiko''': ''No!'' :'''Zenigata''': Hey, Lupin! Get up! Come on! Hey, Lupin! Cut it out, willya? Come on! ''[He shakes the thief's head]'' I'm not kiddin', Lupin! This isn't funny! ''[He starts crying]'' Damn it, Lupin! It can't be true! :'''Chief''': Inspector, please, maybe you should control yourself. :'''Zenigata''': ''[sobbing]'' You can't really be dead! I never told you this before, but I love you! What am I gonna do without you? You're my whole reason to live! How could you do this to me? I hate you! No, I don't! I don't! I'm sorry! ''[He rubs his tear-streaked face against Lupin's]'' Please don't leave me, Lupin! :'''Chief''': ''[placing a comforting hand on Zenigata's shoulder]'' It's alright, Inspector. :''[Zenigata furiously handcuffs the officer, then, sobbing hysterically, tears out of the building, firing his pistol into the air]'' :'''Zenigata''': '''Puma! I'll get you, you son of a bitch!''' ---- :''[Zenigata is arrested]'' :'''Zenigata''': Hey! Wait, I ... ''[The officers throw him into cell with Jigen and Goemon]'' Ow. :'''Jigen''': Yo, Pops! :'''Zenigata''': Yo yourself, you damn bastard! I oughta... :''[He tackles Jigen]'' :'''Jigen''': What the... hey! :'''Zenigata''': What the hell kind of a partner are you anyway? How could you just let him go and die like that?! ---- :''[Lupin lies in his casket. Six feet above him, we hear the voices of the mortician and Fujiko]'' :'''Mortician''': It should be wearing off by now. :'''Fujiko''': And you're sure there's no chance he could have suffocated? :''[Inside the casket, a light turns on. We hear Lupin's heartbeat steadily growing louder]'' :'''Mortician''': A body in this kind of suspended animation requires very little oxygen. :''[Lupin exhales, then opens his eyes]'' :'''Fujiko''': You'd better be right about that. ---- :''[Lupin's casket is unearthed, just as the drugs he needed to fake his own death have worn off]'' :'''Lupin''': Mommy. ''[He yawns]'' What a nap. :''[Fujiko lifts off his casket lid and greets him with a knowing smile]'' :'''Fujiko''': Are you all right? :'''Lupin''' : ''[sitting up with a rose in his hand and an amorous expression on his face]'' You tell me. ''[He leans in to kiss Fujiko, surreptitiously placing the flower into her shirt, and she slaps hm]'' Hey, what the hell kind of greeting is that? I mean, especially after that touching tribute that I gave you on my headstone. :'''Fujiko''': ''[sarcastically]'' Yeah. Real romantic. :''[Lupin takes a look at the headstone]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[forgetting part of his phone conversation with the mortician]'' Hey! That's just crass! ---- :'''Lupin''': I wanted to see that face. Just once before I say... Hasta la bye bye! ==== Episode 34, Lupin Becomes a Vampire ==== :'''Lupin''': ''[stealing a gold statue]'' I'd like to thank the Academy and all the little people who made this possible, especially a certain Inspector... ''[He stops short when he sees a large black wolf in front of him]'' Uh... You don't really want me. I just wet myself. ---- :''[Jigen and Fujiko are hanging up garlic all over their hideout]'' :'''Goemon''': Oh, come on, guys! This is the pits, literally. I mean it's starting to smell like Pavarotti's armpits in here. :'''Jigen''': Yeah, well, I'm sorry about that, pal, but when it comes to vampires, I don't take any chances. :''[He gives Goemon a chained cross]'' :'''Jigen''': I mean, I know your family's been Shinto for like ten generations... :'''Goemon''': Longer. :'''Jigen''': But that doesn't mean crap to a vampire. :'''Goemon''': You know, there's something very offensive about that. ---- :'''Fujiko''': ''[as a storm rages on mount Onihime]'' No way to get up that mountain tonight. Only an idiot would dare to attempt it. :''[Cut to Zenigata clutching onto a steep mountainside in the pouring rain]'' :'''Zenigata''': ''What the hell am I doing up here?!'' I'M SCARED OF THUNDER! I'M SCARED OF HEIGHTS! ---- :'''Jigen''': Wait a minute, Lupin, you were bitten by that bitch, weren't you? :'''Lupin''': Something... ''[He takes off his fake neck]'' ... just happened to come between us. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Feel kind of cheesy about this. Last time I prayed, it was for a two-wheeler. ==== Episode 36, Expose the Secret of Tsukikage Castle ==== :'''Jigen''': But a loon like that, I mean, this treasure could turn out to be a bunch of sumo wrestler bobblehead dolls or a big ball of tinfoil, y'know? :'''Goemon''': It's possible. But it's said that among his possessions was a sword, called Tsukikagemaru. :'''Lupin''': I have no idea what that means, Jigen... :'''Goemon''': I just explained that to you, it's a sword! :'''Lupin''': ... But it sounds important to him, so whaddya say? ---- :''[Lupin sits at the table trying to decipher a code while the blinded Jigen rests in the mattress and Goemon sits at the table with Lupin, trying not to fall asleep]'' :'''Lupin''': Let's see, I've tried adding, subtracting, multiplying, dividing... I don't know, what else can you do with a number? ''[He yawns and falls on his back]'' Truth be told, math was never my best subject. I was always more of a... ''[He yawns again]'' ... More of a recess kind of guy. ---- :'''Fujiko''': Hard at work, I see. So, how's it going? :'''Lupin''': Not well at all. :'''Goemon''': Because you are not trying. :'''Lupin''': Hey, you're sitting there like a Buddha! I'm working my ass off! ---- :'''Zenigata''': A flying crow will always... Uh, never mind. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Who the hell's the new woman in your gang?! I thought you only had eyes for Fujiko! :'''Lupin''': I swear, I don't know what you mean! :'''Zenigata''': You can't fool me, Lupin! I just saw Fujiko in Tokyo, vamping some rich stud. :'''Lupin''': What? What? But, but, uh...! ---- :'''Jigen''': Hey, don't blow a gasket there, Pops! :'''Zenigata''': I'll blow whatever the hell I want to! ''[He gets hit in the head by a falling gold coin. He catches it in his hands as he lies on the ground]'' Hey, wow! :''[More gold coins fall on top of him]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[pouting]'' Aww... it's just not fair. ==== Episode 37, Find the Treasure of Genghis Khan ==== :'''Lupin''': It's really not over 'til the fat lady sings. ''[He jumps off the roof]'' And I don't mean you either! ---- :'''Priest'''': Hey! Get off my bike! :'''Zenigata''': Shut up! :'''Priest''': Don't tell me to shut up! :'''Zenigata''': I'll tell you whatever I want to! :'''Priest''': Oh, yeah?! :'''Zenigata''': Yeah! :'''Priest''': You shut up! :'''Zenigata''': Shut up! :'''Priest''': You shut up! :'''Zenigata''': You...! ==== Episode 40, Operation Missilejack ==== :'''Security System''': Please state today's code phrase. :'''Chief''': ''[in a completely serious tone]'' I want my daddy and mommy, I'm scared and I want to go home. :''[Lupin, who is disguised as the Chief's pet tiger, looks up at the Chief in confusion and astonishment]'' :'''Security System''': Voice print code and phrase confirmed. ---- :'''Fujiko''': ''[running a finger around Zenigata's face]'' I've been having the naughtiest dreams about you, you know that? And you know what I'm doing to you in those dreams? ''[She rips the plaster off of Zenigata's nose]'' ''This!'' :''[Zenigata screams through gritted teeth. Around a corner, Lupin tries to stifle giggles]'' ==== Episode 41, Find Princess Kaguya's Treasure ==== :'''Fujiko''': You ever heard of anything so ridiculous in your life? ''[She sees Lupin staring deliriously ahead and gibbering with Kaguya's bottle resting on his tongue and hearts in his eyes]'' Ugh. Ask a stupid question. ---- :'''Kaguya''': Nice little streak, but all good things come to an end. :'''Jigen''': Well, if the end I'd be coming to is yours, then hey, count me in. ---- :'''Fujiko''': Now it's a dragon's liver. What is she, some kind of refugee from a friggin' fairy tale? Well, she'll regret not inviting me to the ball. ---- :'''Jigen''': Here, mer-y-mer-y-mer-y maid. I don't even know what any of these damn things is supposed to look like. ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[seeing the mermaid]'' Is that a shark? If it is, it's got a great rack. ---- :'''Fujiko''': Now, for the last time, do you want to know where Lupin is or not? :'''Zenigata''': Of course. I flew all the way over here, didn't I? Start talking. :'''Fujiko''': The Himalayas. :'''Zenigata''':... The ''what?'' :''[Out in the Himalayas, Lupin walks up the mountain with his guide, merrily singing]'' :'''Lupin''': ''Edelweiss, edelweiss, you look happy to greet me. Edel- uh, uh...'' ''[He sneezes]'' ---- :'''Goemon''': ''[exiting a dragon's mouth, carrying its liver]'' Wait a minute. Did I leave my wallet in there?... Crap. ---- :''[Lupin charges out of the tent, swinging a baseball bat. He swings at the yeti, but it dodges, and Lupin falls on his face in the snow. He swings again and again at the yeti, but it backs away and keeps dodging. He falls into a snowdrift and swings the bat around blindly]'' :'''Lupin''': Where'd you go, you son of a bitch?! You can't hide from me! :''[He hits the yeti's leg. It cries in pain. Lupin looks up out of the snowdrift and beams triumphantly]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[mockingly]'' Not so scary now, are you, you big ape? Aww, you want your mommy? Big wussy. Look at you. You should be ashamed of yourself. :''[A tear forms in the yeti's eye]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[realizing he's not using the right tone]'' Uh, no, wait, I mean... That's wrong. ''[He holds out the bottle to the yeti's eye]'' Just let it out, baby. No need to be stoic. That's right. You have yourself a good cry. Come on. It's all right. ''[Several frozen tears fall into the bottle. He looks at the frozen tears]'' Wow, that's not really a whole lot. Might have to hit you again. ''[The yeti bawls. An avalanche starts, and Lupin runs down the mountain]'' Damn it! Why couldn't I just leave well enough alone?! ---- :'''Jigen''': Hey, so what happened with the whole retreaty fasting thing? :'''Goemon''': Uh, well, I got hungry, and... Hey, I'm stuck out here. Could you give me a lift? :'''Jigen''': Hop in. I'm in sort of a hurry. ---- :'''Kaguya''': ''[seeing the frozen Lupin]'' What happened? Is he...? :'''Sherpa''': He'll be fine. But he said to give this to you. ''[He hands Kaguya the bottle with the frozen tears in it]'' :'''Kaguya''': And you're sure that these are the tears of the Yeti? :'''Sherpa''': I saw it. And the curse of the Yeti came down on him swiftly. :'''Kaguya''': That's so... sweet. :''[She kisses Lupin on the cheek. The young man blushes so furiously that steam rises from his head and shoulders]'' ---- :'''Goemon''': ''[seeing the frozen Lupin]'' ''That'' can't be comfortable. ---- :'''Jigen''': Hey, I know you guys think ''I'm'' a misogynist, but it's not exactly a red-letter day for ''your'' side of the argument. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[after being thawed out on a spit]'' Just great! You think you know a guy, then you turn around and he tries to eat you! ---- :'''Lupin''': Wow, a real sleeping prince... just like Tchaikovsky's! ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[about Kaguya]'' Goemon, look, I know she lied to us and everything, but come on. Cut her a break. Have a heart. :'''Goemon''': I'm not angry with her, it's that damn Fujiko I want to kill! ---- :'''Lupin''': ''Hey!! Fujiko!!'' :'''Fujiko''': Lupin, I can't share it with you! I don't know if there's enough for two! :'''Lupin''': '''I don't want any!''' ''Do you know what it is?! Do you?!?'' :'''Fujiko''': Yeah, an eternal youth potion of some kind. Why else would she want it? :'''Lupin''': You idiot! Kaguya had that created for her very sick husband! He's in a coma! :''[Fujiko gasps, horrified, at the terrible thing she's done]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': Yeah, it sucks being deceived like that, but at least it was all for a good cause. :'''Goemon''': Yes, well, perhaps that is true, but still, the act of betrayal by Fujiko was unforgivable and merits the very harshest punishment. :'''Jigen''': Here, here! :'''Fujiko''': Lupin, I think he really means it! :'''Lupin''': She's sorry! Really! She's learned her lesson this time, haven't you, Fujicakes? :''[Fujiko starts hiccuping, then flaps her arms uncontrollably. The potion has given her an unbelievably high amount of energy, like a caffeine buzz]'' :'''Lupin''': Uh... :'''Jigen''': It's not real harsh, maybe, but it sure as hell's funny. ---- :''[Lupin is in his hotel room, sleeping peacefully. Fujiko pounds on his door]'' :'''Fujiko''': ''[from outside]'' Lupin! Come on! I still can't sleep! Hey, come on! Wake up! Hey, Lupin! I'm bored! :''[Lupin sits up in bed]'' :'''Lupin''': Aw man, when the hell's this potion ever gonna wear off? :'''Fujiko''': I know you're in there! Let me in! Let's go dancing! :'''Lupin''' ''[burying his head back under the covers]'' I'm too tired to appreciate the irony. :'''Fujiko''': Come on, Lupin! ==== Episode 42, Lupin becomes a Bride ==== :'''Fujiko''': I never thought of you as the golddigger type, but it suits you somehow. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Looks like it's just you and me. ''[Lupin jumps over the railing, does a somersault in the air and grabs the hook to swing to the other side of the hull]'' LUPIIIIN! Damn it all, get back here! You're under arrest! ---- :'''Onabes''': Alright, I warned you, Mr. Zenigata. Now I'm afraid I'm going to have to insist that you leave the ship. :'''Zenigata''': ''[as he is dragged away by security]'' No! Mr. Onabes! Please! Hey! I can explain! This is all her fault! I mean, his fault! You see, she's... ---- :'''Onabes''': Amore! :'''Lupin''': What does that mean? :'''Onabes''': It means: "I want you, I must have you! Let me take you and start a family!" :''[He tackles the flabbergasted Lupin]'' :'''Onabes''': I absolutely refuse to let you up, Miss Mary, unless you promise to marry me! :'''Lupin''': WHAT? That's impossible! :''[Onabes forcefully kisses Lupin]'' :'''Lupin''': Damn it! :''[He slaps Onabes, then flips him over in a judo grip]'' :'''Lupin''': Just snap out of it! :'''Onabes''': Oh yes, flip me like a hamburger, baby! :''[Lupin covers his mouth and flees]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': I'm not even a friggin' woman! :'''Onabes''': Oh well, nobody's perfect. :''[Realizing he can't win, Lupin jumps down from the mast and lands on the deck. His makeup is now a mess]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[frazzled]'' All right! You win! I give up! But premarital sex is out of the question! ---- :'''Jigen''': He's a guy, Lupin, and you're a guy! And if you were that kind of guy, well, you could have friggin' told somebody! ==== Episode 43, Where Are the Peking Man's Bones ==== ==== Episode 44, The Vanishing Special Armored Car ==== :'''Lupin''': ''[as Zenigata]'' I do admit to sort of a perverse admiration. :'''Zenigata''': Admiration, my ass! Why don't you just admit it?! You ''ARE'' in love with the guy! And you always have been, haven't you? You big egomaniac! ---- :'''Jigen''': Friggin' birds can't get close to that thing, and I don't think I can pull off the backless look, either. I mean, not that it doesn't look absolutely stunning on you or anything, but it does take a certain androgynous quality, you know? :'''Lupin''': I swear, I'll beat you with your own hat. ''[Jigen laughs]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': Man, sure could have used Goemon's Zantetsu sword this time, huh? :''[Jigen sees a figure sitting on a crate]'' :'''Jigen''': Hmm? :'''Lupin''': I said, Goemon's sword would have come in handy! :''[Jigen recognizes the figure as Zenigata]'' :'''Jigen''': Huh? :'''Lupin''': I know, it's a bummer, but it's no use crying over spilled milk. We just gotta... :'''Jigen''': Lupin! You'd better get up here! ---- :'''Zenigata''': What's the matter, Lupin? Don't tell me I've stumped ya! I don't think I can take the shock! ''[He laughs, then starts suffocating]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': Yeah, that man's the last of a dying breed, Jigen. :'''Jigen''': You can say that again. :'''Lupin''': Kind of like u... ah... ah, ah, ah... ''[He sneezes]'' :'''Jigen''': Serves you right. I mean, uh, didn't your mama ever tell you not to go out without your pants on? :''[Lupin sees he's only wearing his boxers]'' :'''Lupin''': Oh, man. :''[They laugh]'' ==== Episode 48, Lupin Laughs while the Alarm Bell Rings ==== :''[Zenigata is woken by the telephone and answers it]'' :'''Zenigata''': Zenigata. :'''Lupin''': Hey, man. How's it hanging? :'''Zenigata''': I was just... :'''Lupin''': I refer to that big wad of drool hanging from your chin, you slacker. Then again, in your dreams is the only place you'll ever catch me. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[sneezing]'' You know, I think the whole thing went pretty well. :'''Jigen''': ''[sneezing]'' And that was really the best plan you could think of? :'''Lupin''': Gotta keep your eye on the prize. After all, the whole idea was to divert his attention. Remember that. And that's what counts. :'''Goemon''': Because now, Zenigata's gonna be practically living on that boat until they recover our bodies. :'''Lupin''': Exactly. ''[He sneezes again]'' ---- :''[One of the money bags gets stuck in a pulley]'' :'''Jigen''': Son of a bitch. Wouldn't you know it? Last one? :'''Lupin''': Stay cool, man. We'll get it. Easy does it now. :''[As they try to get the back through, one of the suction cups on the ceiling comes loose]'' :'''Jigen''': Damn piece of crap. :''[The suction cup unsticks, but Lupin and Jigen pull on the rope before the bag hits the floor. They sigh with relief]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[fearing the worst about Lupin]'' Good heavens, what have I done? ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[previewing the next episode]'' Next time I fall in love with Jackie O. Or maybe not. I don't know. My head hurts. It kind of looks like her and sure looks like love. Walking in the rain, putting on a little show for perverts with binoculars. Oh, he's not? He's trying to kill me? Actually, you know, that kind of adds a touch of kink. Anyway, catch you later in ''Snake Charmer''. ==== Episode 50, Lupin Whom I Loved, Part 1 ==== :'''Cornelia''': The constellations of the winter sky are dominated by the brilliant and dynamic figure of Orion. Legend has it, he was a powerfully built young huntsman of exceptional skill, whose love for the daughter of the treacherous king nearly spelled his doom. :''[As the audience the planetarium in rapt attention, Lupin sits in his seat, bored out of his mind and nearly falling asleep. He yawns]'' :'''Lupin''': If only Fujiko were here. This would be a very romantic date, but... Oh, well. It oughta begin in a minute. ---- :'''Jigen''': So, did you have the beef or the fish? That's what you get for being the inside man. ---- :''[Fujiko sees a flame beside her as she's driving and tries to light her cigarette with it]'' :'''Fujiko''': Thanks. :''[She turns around and sees that it was a zombie who lit the flame]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': Our hearts were beating like crazy. :'''Jigen''': This before or after you left the cell? :'''Lupin''': Just let me finish, willya? ---- :'''Lupin''': I don't know which is worse, that she's alive and doesn't remember me, or that she's here. ---- :''[Japanese original; Jigen gives up fighting the zombies and makes a run for it]'' :'''Goemon''': Jigen, where are you going? :'''Jigen''': Don't make me say what would hurt my pride! :'''Goemon''': Are we running away? :'''Jigen''': What choice have we got? ---- :''[English dub]'' :'''Goemon''': Jigen, wait! Where are you going? :'''Jigen''': I have absolutely no friggin' idea! :'''Goemon''': You mind if I come along? ==== Episode 53, The Mad Fantoma Mark III ==== :''[Lupin and Jigen stand face to face in their living rooms, hands at the ready]'' :'''Lupin''': So, this is it, huh? It's come to this. :'''Jigen''': Yep. 'Fraid so, Lupin. :'''Lupin''': Think you can take me on? :'''Jigen''': You said it yourself a million times, Lupin. I'm the quickest draw on the planet. :'''Lupin''': Next to me, that is. :'''Jigen''': Oh, man, this will be sweet. :''[Goemon gives the signal, and the two draw their remote controls. The TV switches back and forth between footage of a soap opera and what looks like Django]'' :'''Goemon''': I think we really need to get a second TV. :'''Lupin''': Hey, I've never missed a single episode of ''Housewives Theater'' in fifteen years and I'm not starting now. :'''Jigen''': That's too damn bad, pal. There's a first time for everything. Anyway, it's Spaghetti Western Sunday on Channel 5. :''[Lupin and Jigen continue switching between channels]'' :'''Jigen''': Dang! :'''Lupin''': No, no, there it is! :'''Jigen''': We're watching this! :'''Lupin''': Hey! No! :'''Jigen''': Would you come on? :'''Lupin''': There! :'''Jigen''': What are you...? :''[The TV goes to static]'' :'''Lupin''': No! :'''Jigen''': What the...? Oh, that's just great. :'''Lupin''': Stop it! Wonderful. Now look what you've done. :'''Jigen''': Yeah? You started it. ==== Episode 54, Detective Hanshichi's Ten-Year-Old Promise==== :'''Chief''': ''[as Zenigata bites sheepishly into his hat]'' Well, Zenigata. Look what happened. We did as you said, left with Hanshichi, and you, and the whole damn thing blew up in our faces. Now, what would you do if you were in my position, Inspector? ---- :'''Lupin''': Damn, he snookered us, the old fart! ==== Episode 57, Will It Be the Computer or Lupin? ==== :'''Zenigata''': Good gravy, this place sure goes on and on. ==== Episode 58, The Border is the Face of Farewell ==== :'''Zenigata''': ''[with a tear in his eye]'' These Russkies aren't very friendly, are they? ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[previewing the next episode]'' This next one's just too weird for words. It's sort of 'Twilight Zone' meets 'House of Wax' meets an exhausted writing staff under deadline pressure. ==== Episode 59, The Mysterious World of Madame X ==== :'''Zenigata''': ''[covered in glue]'' Mother said there would be days like this. Just not this many. Good thing I'm so undauntable, 'cause this kind of thing could really drive you crazy! ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[rubbing his eye]'' Man, I'm beat. ---- :'''Jigen''': Something's not right. :'''Goemon''': It just isn't like him. :'''Jigen''': I know. It's been two days now without even a word, and usually the problem is you can't shut him up. ---- :'''Lupin''': That crazy lady's gonna turn us all into wax figures. Even Fujiko. They got her upstairs, locked up. :''[His eyes fill with tears]'' :'''Jigen''': Hey, don't! Come on! Get a hold of yourself. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Bet you haven't even tried the most obvious thing. :''[He reaches for the doorknob]'' :'''Lupin''': No! Hold it, Pops! Wait! :''[Zenigata turns the doorknob and starts to sink into the floor]'' :'''Zenigata''': Help me! Please! :'''Jigen''': What the hell's going on here, Lupin? :'''Lupin''': Unfortunately, this kind of thing happens all the time around here. She's like some kind of evil witch. :'''Jigen''': ''[lifting Zenigata out]'' That's just great. Either of you guys wanna lend a hand? ---- :'''Lupin''': Uh, Goemon? :'''Goemon''': You need to remain calm. :'''Zenigata''': All right, you guys calm down. ''I'll'' freak out! :''[He runs away]'' ====Episode 61, The Flying Zantetsuken==== :'''Lupin''': ''[tipsy on bourbon]'' Come on, you knew we were drunks when you married us! :'''Jigen''': ''[also happily wasted on the bourbon]'' You know the truly great part? I don't care if I ever get better! :'''Fujiko''': ''[smiling craftily]'' Don't you tempt fate. It can be cruel. ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[answering the phone]'' Good morning. Zenigata speaking. ''WHAT?! IN A HOTEL IN BROAD DAYLIGHT?! WHO THE HELL IS THIS?!'' :'''Lupin''': ''[disguising his voice with an accent]'' The point is, he's here now. Aloha. ---- :''[Goemon tries to hang and shoot himself at the same time]'' :'''Lupin''': No, Goemon, stop! :'''Jigen''': Take it easy, man. :'''Goemon''': She may have put the sleeping pills in the drink, but it was I who kept asking for more. And now the sword, my very soul as a samurai, is gone! :'''Lupin''': I egged... you on! :'''Goemon''': It doesn't matter! The responsibility is solely my own! Don't force me to live in shame, Lupin! That's worse than death to me! ''[He sobs]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[while visiting Goemon in jail]'' Goemon, I don't know what's bugging you, but you haven't eaten for a week and that's not good for ya. I went to a lot of trouble to get that Japanese food brought in here. Please! Tell me you're not trying to starve yourself. That would be really bad for your health and my conscience. ---- :'''Lupin''': Hey, uh, Goemon? You know, technically, boneheaded stunts don't count as harakiri. ====Episode 62, The Sound of the Devil's Bells Call Lupin==== :''[Zenigata sees Lupin exit carrying a bunch of weapons]'' :'''Zenigata''': Uh, listen. Uh, you'd better come along with me right now. :'''Lupin''': Pops, I can't play right now. Sorry. Gotta go. Take care. :'''Zenigata''': Wait! Lupin! Hey! :''[Lupin springs into his Mercedes]'' :'''Zenigata''': Not so fast, wise guy! ''[He launches himself at the car and throws his handcuffs forward. As Lupin drives off, Zenigata finds that he's handcuffed several sticks of lit dynamite. He realizes what it is and runs off]'' Help! Somebody help! :''[The dynamite explodes as Lupin drives off down the road]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': So that's it, Gemarschaft. Looks just like any other peaceful, boring village. ''[He drives further into the seemingly empty village, gets out and looks around]'' Hmm, did I say peaceful? More like comatose. ---- :'''Lupin''': I gotta admit, I did have an unusually peaceful sleep last night. ''[He pulls out a pair of earplugs]'' Modern technology's really a wonderful thing. ---- :''[Sister Lavinia seemingly shoots Lupin's head off, and to her surprise he starts running off without it]'' :'''Lupin''': Sorry, sister. Didn't mean to lose my head. Toodles! ---- :''[Lupin blasts the bubble with a couple of missiles from his Mercedes]'' :'''Lupin''': And that is that. ''[To his astonishment, the bubble reforms]'' Aw, man. That may not be that. ---- :'''Lupin''': Okay, pal. Catch me if you can. ''[The bubble emerges underwater]'' Damn! I didn't mean it! ---- :'''Lavinia''': So, Lupin, do you see now that it's futile to try to escape from here? :''[Lupin stands up in a daze and knocks on his head several times]'' :'''Lavinia''': Last chance, now. Would you care to accept our invitation and join our brotherhood? :''[Lupin scowls defiantly]'' :'''Lupin''': You heard me, sister. No-one's gonna tell me how to live my life. ---- :'''Jigen''': Why do I feel like I just had a real bad dream? :'''Lupin''': Hey, Jigen, I was living in your bad dream. ====Episode 65, Lupin's Enemy is Lupin==== :'''Lupin''': Anyway, we'll find out as soon as we break in there. :'''Jigen''': [sarcastically] Oh, yeah. Great plan. We break into the place. Don't know why I didn't think of that. :'''Lupin''': This from a man who just came from dining on curry fit only for the immortals. We're blessed. It'll be a piece of cake. :''[Jigen laughs]'' ---- :'''Jigen''': What the...? Where did my hand go? :'''Lupin''': [panicked] Your hand?! :''[Jigen's hand emerges from its sleeve]'' :'''Jigen''': [relieved] Had me worried there. :'''Lupin''': ''[angrily punching Jigen in the stomach]'' Jigen, don't you ever do that to me again! :'''Jigen''': Sorry, man. ---- :'''Mr. X''': Damn it! How did you know I wasn't the real Lupin? :'''Jigen''': 'Cause the real Lupin would never say something all sappy and noble like "Kill me if you're my friend." He'd be squealing for his life like a little girl. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[imitating Mr. X]'' And our long story comes to a happy ending! ''[He cackles]'' :'''Jigen''': ''[drawing his gun, thinking Mr. X tricked him into killing Lupin]'' Bastard! :'''Lupin''': Kidding! Kidding! Just messin' with ya! ====Episode 66, Shooting Orders!==== :'''Jigen''': Speaking of accuracy, I noticed something about that gun that Beauty was waving around yesterday. It's got a venturi built on it, and that's used for cooling the barrel so that the heat won't affect your aim. It's state of the art. Your Walther P-38 was originally manufactured all the way back in the 1930s. All I'm saying is, Beauty's got a .44 Colt A. Python that was made only a few years ago, and that's the difference. You do the math, Lupin. ---- :'''Lupin''': The sun, it's setting. ''[He coughs]'' Seems kind of early for it. But I guess it's... ''[He coughs again]'' ... Just my time. ''[He faints]'' :'''Fujiko''': ''[thinking he died]'' No, it isn't, Lupin! It's not your time yet! ---- :'''Lupin''': Listen to you guys! Bitch, bitch, bitch! Look at me! What the hell's going on? I'm fine, so what's with the funeral? Well?! ---- :'''Jigen''': Was it, uh, supposed to work like that? :'''Lupin''': I'm not a chemist or anything, you know, but I think I might've added a little too much explosive. Probably shouldn't do that kind of thing when you're in a bad mood. ====Episode 69, The Woman the Old Man Fell in Love With==== :'''Zenigata''': Some billionaire bites the big one, so what? Would he care if ''I'' died? ---- :'''Lupin''': Hey, guys. Shouldn't we be out stealing something, or running for our lives, or, uh... I dunno, something? I feel like I'm in a rest home here. ---- :'''Lupin''': Whoa! Get a load of this! It's Pops, and he's being chased by somebody. And there's a girl with him, and she's hot! What the hell is wrong with this picture? :'''Jigen''': Well, if you're right, it's the end of the friggin' world! ---- :'''Zenigata''': I'm prepared to beg if I have to! You gotta help Laura! She's caught in a jam! My pride doesn't matter to me, only Laura's safety! ---- :''[Japanese original]'' :'''Lupin''': By the way, Pops, how come you're going out of your way like this for her? :'''Zenigata''': Well, it's because... :'''Lupin''': You're in love with her, aren't you? :'''Zenigata''': ''[blushing furiously]'' D-d-don't be ridiculous! I'm a public servant! :''[He gives Lupin a playful shove. Lupin points to Laura]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[grinning mischievously at Zenigata]'' There she is! :'''Zenigata''': ''[bashfully covering his face with his hat]'' Oh, come on, Lupin! ---- :'''Fujiko''': Lying on that alleviates your stomach thing? :'''Cabane''': I didn't get to where I am today by taking a lot of stuff for granted. Get what I mean? I ain't movin' until I unlock this! :'''Fujiko''': What a big pain in the butt. :'''Cabane''': Hey! Speak up, I can't hear you! :'''Fujiko''': Oh! Uh, never mind. Just some girl stuff, is all. :''[The camera pans down to reveal that "Fujiko" has hairier legs than usual]'' ---- :'''Jigen''': Pops. I... We tried. I'm sorry. Anyway, Lupin's alive. Look, if you wanna get those bastards, hop in. ''[Zenigata gets in, and glances for a moment at Fujiko, who is bound and gagged in the back seat]'' If you're a little surprised to see Fujiko here, we'll fill you in. ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[over the tape]'' Never, Laura. :'''Laura''': ''[over the tape]'' Oh, I love to hear you say my name. Say it again. :''[From out of the corner of his eye, Lupin notices Cabane's men howling and whooping at him]'' :'''Cabane''': Shaddap! :''[The men immediately stop and try to look professional]'' ---- :'''Goemon''': I, Goemon Ishikawa, say to you: Ha ha! ====Episode 71, Lupin vs. the Shinsengumi==== :''[Lupin drives past a police car, laughing. The police officer notices him and turns to Zenigata, who is resting in the front passenger seat]'' :'''Police Officer''': The guy in the convertible that just went by seemed kinda strange. :'''Zenigata''': Let him go. I'm not in this one. :''[He gives his colleague a little smile, then yawns]'' :'''Police Officer''': 'Kay. ====Episode 72, The Skateboard Murder Mystery==== :'''Jigen''': You didn't... I mean, you wouldn't...? :'''Lupin''': Aw man, you too? Look, I friggin' saved the guy! :'''Jigen''': Yeah, good luck convincing Boronco's men of that. :'''Lupin''': ''[grumbling]'' D'ah, friggin... d'ahh! ''[He sees the blockade]'' Hey, they've already blocked the street off! Hang on, Jigen! :''[Lupin swerves through the blockade, but one of Boronco's men fires a couple of canisters of knockout gas into the car]'' :'''Lupin''': I always thought I missed my true calling as a stunt driver in action movies, you know? ''[He sees Jigen coughing]'' Huh? :'''Guard''': Well that oughta knock 'em out. :''[Boronco arrives in on his skateboard]'' :'''Bolonco''': How'd everything go, Officer? :'''Guard''': Just like a dream. :''[Boronco goes over to Lupin and Jigen, who are completely knocked out]'' ---- :'''Lupin and Jigen''': ''[playing a clapping game]'' Eighty eight days now in the spring, summer's upon us so everyone sing: Pat a cake, pat a cake, baker's man, bake me a cake as fast as you can! :''[They push the halves of the truck apart and dive out of it]'' ---- :'''Jigen''': Huh. I never heard of a football coming with a timer. ''[He places the football to his ear]'' Hmm... :'''Goemon''': Jigen! They don't! :'''Jigen''': ''[panicked]'' Friggin' hell! That means that this thing... This thing here is a... :''[The football explodes]'' :'''Lupin''': Damn! That's it! That little Boronco brat has picked the wrong playmate this time! :'''Goemon''': If you keep thinking of him as just as a kid, then he's gonna keep on playing with you until he wins! ---- :'''Scientist''': Excuse me, Boronco, but this is the fake sapphire you ordered. :'''Boronco''': There's no way he could have...? ---- :''[thanks to Lupin and Fujiko's squabbling, the group ends up losing the Eye of Solomon]'' :'''Goemon''': I'm reconsidering my membership in this whole enterprise! :'''Jigen''': Can you reconsider mine, too? ---- :'''Zenigata''': Stop! You're under arrest, Lupin! You hear me? Just pull over now... Or not! I gotta admit, I really love the chase. :'''Lupin''': I sure wish ''he'd'' reconsider his role in this whole enterprise. ====Episode 73, Flowers and Storms and a Thieves' Race==== :''[Lupin throws his empty food box out of the car]'' :'''Jigen''': Hey, hey! Set an example, will ya? There's kids watching. :''' Lupin''': What are you saying? I put it in the trash. :''[Lupin's trash is seen carelessly disposed on top of a garbage truck]'' ---- :'''Tokumitsu''': Tokumitsu here, reporting live from the scene of the crispy carnage that earlier today thrilled audiences around the world. And a spellbinding barbecue it was, too. Oh, but don't just take my word for it. We have a badly wounded survivor of the tragedy with us. Perhaps I can get him to talk to us. Pardon the interruption, but on a scale of one to ten, ten being the highest, how much pain are you in? ''[The wounded man gives a dying groan]'' Well, thank you very much, and best of luck from all of us on your imminent death. ---- :'''Jigen''': All this co-piloting's kinda exhausting. Think I'll take me a little nap. You can wake me up when we get to heaven. And if we end up in the other place, just let me sleep. ====Episode 74, The Terrifying Chameleon Man==== :'''Lupin''': ''[about the diamond]'' Now I can't seem to decide if I should let Pops lick this thing or not. :'''Fujiko''': Can we vote on it? ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[playing cards with a dozing Jigen]'' Pathetic. Can't even beat him asleep. :'''Goemon''': ''[waiting for the mysterious lurker to arrive]'' I think we may be waiting for Godot. ---- :'''Lupin''': You know, in all these years, you've never given me a simple goodnight kiss. :'''Fujiko''': Just the cheek. Wouldn't want to arouse you. :'''Lupin''': Any old cheek you want, I've got four! ---- :'''Fujiko''': Buy a Q-tip, will you? That's really gross. Better luck next time. :'''Lupin''': Huh...? Of all the friggin'... ''Earwax?!?'' ''[He sits on his bed, angrily pulls off his shoes and tosses them out the room, inadvertently hitting the two chameleon men]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': It's alright, it's just a party favor. Happy New Year. ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[while watching Zenigata chase after insects]'' Real shame you had to whittle down that diamond. It's three months of bug-eating for him. :'''Goemon''': I don't know. I think he enjoys feeling like a kid again. :''[Lupin walks by covered in yellow flowers, humming to himself]'' :'''Jigen''': Hey, what's with the Woodstock get-up, nature boy? :'''Lupin''': Shh! It's just camouflage. Don't tell her, okay? :''[Lupin lies down on the ground and hides among the flowers, waiting for Fujiko]'' :'''Goemon''': ''[sighing]'' He never ''stopped'' being a kid. ====Episode 75, Fujiko Doesn't Look Good in a Wedding Dress==== :'''Jigen''': You're not acting like a man, you're acting like a little kid who's seen too many cornball chick flicks! ---- :'''Fujiko''': Lupin, it's me. What the hell's going on? Where am I? :'''Lupin''': Finally! Damn, you're a heavy sleeper. What do you mean, where are you? You're in Hafner's mansion. ---- :''[During a gunfight, Jigen gets his hat shot off]'' :'''Jigen''': Damn it! :''[He tries to retrieve it but a hail of bullets keeps him away]'' :'''Goemon''': Sorry, but you're going to have to finish this one without your hat! Now come on! :'''Jigen''': They've got no idea what terrible fury they've just unleashed... ---- :'''Jigen''': Great. Friggin' chlorine's gonna bleach my hat. ---- :'''Fujiko''': I'm still in mourning, you know. And I've got assets to go through. ====Episode 76, Do You Know Shakespeare?==== :'''Jigen''': Yeah, just my luck. Snow in Venice, of all places. I'll bet the sun comes out the minute I drag my sorry ass out of here. :'''Angelica''': Excuse me, are you all right? :'''Jigen''': Yeah, I always talk to myself. ---- :'''Jigen''': Turns out the car was hers. A nice one. A Rolls. I mean, I owe her something for blowing it up. :'''Goemon''': I can't help feeling there's more to the story. :'''Lupin''': ''[grinning mischievously]'' And we got a whole lot of extra time. Come on, Jigen. Cough it up. :'''Jigen''': ''[shyly]'' It's just... Look, I've told you the part I'm okay talking about. ---- :''[Angelica searches the ruins and starts off at a run]'' :'''Jigen''': Hey, Angelica, wait! Where are you going? ''[Angelica sees bodies crushed beneath the rubble]'' :'''Angelica''': Oh, God... It's too horrible! ''[She runs through the ruins]'' :'''Jigen''': ''[deeply concerned and afraid for Angelica's life]'' Wait! There may be unexploded bombs! Angelica, please stay where you are! Angelica, listen to me! It's not safe! ''[Angelica doesn't listen to Jigen and keeps running]'' Hey! Just come back! You'll get hurt! ''[Angelica accidentally steps on a bomb. Jigen runs towards her]'' Angelica! Angelica! Damn it! :''[Angelica opens her eyes]'' :'''Angelica''': Don't swear. :'''Jigen''': Why would someone like you ever become a nun anyway? Gotta help me with that. I mean, as I recall, your family was loaded. You were practically royalty. :'''Angelica''': Well, it's only fair I tell you, since you influenced my decision. But I'm happy, believe me. After you left, I was empty. So I devoted myself to God. Now I'm finally feeling his promise of peace has fulfilled in me. I'm in your arms again. I lived to see the doctor rescued. May you know peace, Jigen, my love. ''[She dies in his arms]'' :'''Jigen''': No! Angelica! :''[He cradles her body, sobbing]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': Sorry, sir, about your game. :'''President''': Bugger off. :''[the President and his assistant enter the helicopter] :'''Zenigata''': ''[confused]'' Uh, you just... ''[They slam the helicopter door]'' You go on ahead, sir. I'll take care of everything. ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[at Angelica's grave]'' All my skills, and I couldn't save ya. I'll have to live with that, but I doubt I'll come to any kinda peace with it. Pray for me. ====Episode 78, Diamonds Gleaming in the Robot's Eye==== :'''Lupin''': ''[drowsily answering the phone]'' The number you've dialed is no longer in service. Check your telephone directory or the information operator for the correct number and go to hell. ''[He hangs up, but the phone rings again and falls off the dresser. Lupin slithers out of bed and lies half out of it with his mouth near the reciever]'' You've reached Lupin's mouth. His brain is still asleep. Oh, then you prefer to speak to somebody else? Okay. ''JIGEN!! PHONE!! IT'S FOR YOU!!!'' ---- :''[Lupin, Jigen and Goemon carry the robot up the stairs]'' :'''Jigen''': I don't get it. None of Gavott's people seem to be anywhere around the place. :'''Lupin''': Got a problem with that? ---- :'''Lupin''': I mean, even if a thing like this worked, what would anyone use it for? You wouldn't happen to have a giant paperclip on you, would you? ''[He tests it]'' Not much of a super electro-magnet. ---- :'''Jigen''': Huh. "Dr. Pot's Patented Automatic Nose Blower. To activate, just hold in front of face." ''[A tiny hand comes up out of the box]'' Hey, get a load of this. It's cute. ''[The hand picks up a tissue and pinches Jigen hard on the nose]'' Oww! Ahh! Gahh! Damn it! ''[He pulls the box to try and get the thing off]'' ---- :'''Baby''': And just 'cause Gavotte let the doctor go doesn't mean he isn't gonna rub you guys out. ''[to Jigen]'' And you, I'm gonna pluck that beard off your face myself before he kills ya! ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[about the dismantled robot]'' Well, why don't we get to work on old Humpty Dumpty? :'''Fujiko''': That doesn't sound good. All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty together again. :'''Lupin''': Don't worry. I've done this twice before. :'''Goemon''': You've assembled a robot? :'''Lupin''': Nah. A ship and a tank. :'''Fujiko''': A ship and a tank? :'''Goemon''': That's really quite impressive. :'''Lupin''': Yeah, used to spend all my allowance on those hobby kits of model ships and tanks. :'''Goemon''': Huh? :'''Fujiko''': You mean you've been talking about ''model'' airplanes and toys? :'''Lupin''': ''[after completing the robot]'' Sure. Keeps a young man's hands out of trouble. ====Episode 79, Funeral March for Lupin==== :'''Jigen''': ''[hearing that the concert will have a jeweled baton]'' You know, Lupin, I don't know if I've told you, but I've been a big classical music fan ever since I was a kid. :'''Lupin''': What? You've always been a ballads kind of guy. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[nervously twiddling his thumbs]'' I never told you about this, Fujicakes, but I very nearly took up the bassoon. :''[Fujiko blows smoke in his face]'' :'''Fujiko''': And I very nearly took up with a baboon. :''[She throws her cigarette holder into Lupin's mouth]'' :'''Lupin''': Very funny. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[to Jigen, who is snoring in the seat next to him]'' Didn't you mention you were a fan of all this classical crap? :''[Jigen nods sleepily. Lupin yawns and dozes off as well]'' :'''Fujiko''': ''[to Goemon]'' But they could stay up all night for some kung-fu epic. ---- :'''Lupin''': Looks like Pops is getting serious. :'''Jigen''': Better hope so, 'cause if that ain't serious, I don't know what serious is. ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[after his hypnosis is over]'' Huh? Why the hell'd I pull this out? ---- :''[Goemon notices the couch he damaged while under hypnosis]'' :'''Goemon''': What in the world did I just do? :'''Jigen''': Nothing, just tried to Cuisinart us to death, pally! ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[about Kyoransky]'' Does he replace all those chandeliers every time he kills somebody? ---- :'''Fujiko''': ''[finding that Lupin had secretly removed her underwear]'' Stupid adolescent... ---- :''[Lupin is about to explain his plan to defeat Kyoransky]'' :'''Lupin''': Anyway, take a look at this. :''[He pulls out a ladle]'' :'''Jigen''': Okay, I don't understand. :'''Goemon''': It's a straining ladle for cooking. :'''Jigen''': I know that, but what are you gonna do? Challenge Kyoransky to a bake off? ---- :'''Zenigata''': Lupin, the masquerade's over! Take off the disguise! :'''Lupin''': Thanks a lot! This wig itches. ---- :'''Jigen''': That's a wrap. ---- :'''Kyoransky''': My father was Momanitt Mulchy. When he was alive, he was a master jeweler. But you killed him in cold blood. :'''Lupin''': I only kill in self-defense, which means I don't regret it. ---- :'''Lupin''': You see, I figured out how it is you managed to control with that glittering baton of yours. It emits a high-pitched sound, like a dog whistle. But, you see, the thing is, yours only produces a single tone, whereas mine, on the other hand, has, um... One, two, three... Boy, there's a lot. ---- :'''Zenigata''': You wanna fill me in on what just happened here? ====Episode 80, The Last Meal is a Cup Ramen==== :'''Goemon''': How come grifters never think they'll get grifted? ---- :'''Lupin''': Who put all this pepper in here? ---- :'''Warden''': After him! Lupin has escaped! Don't let him get away! :'''Zenigata''': ''[gleefully sarcastic]'' Yes, what a shame! Lupin has escaped! ====Episode 82, The Rescue Pops Operation==== :'''Zenigata''': Damn it, Lupin! I'm going to get killed because of you. I'm totally going to haunt you. :''[Lupin turns on a transmission]'' :'''Lupin''': I don't mind being haunted by a cute girl. Not sure about you, Pops. And I really feel for you guys, having to take care of a klutz like Pops! ---- :'''Zenigata''': Lupin! Do you want to make a fool out of me, Zenigata? I absolutely refuse to be exchanged as a hostage by the likes of you! :''[He kicks stuff around like an angry toddler. He finds a stick of dynamite that rolled out, then picks it up with his teeth and throws it into the fireplace. The terrorists panic and run for cover. Zenigata stands in the middle of the room, eyes shut tight, sweating profusely and bracing himself for death. No explosion comes. Zenigata's still alive. He looks behind his shoulder and sees that the dynamite was actually a dud with a microphone hid inside. One of the terrorists faints. The men angrily pile on Zenigata as he sinks, crying, to his knees]'' :'''Zenigata''': Shut up! :''[He kicks them away]'' :'''Zenigata''': I'm such a failure, I can't even die properly! :''[He cries and kicks his feet pathetically]'' ---- :'''Napoleon''': The reason why I decided to conquer the world was that it was too noisy for me to sleep in. ''[The gang looks at him, shocked]'' Quite ironic that I found the ideal place in that underground prison. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[tapping the face of Napoleon, who is disguised as him]'' Wow, what a heavy sleeper. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[disguised as Napoleon]'' Inspector Zenigata, why don't we make a deal? I hate Lupin for putting me through this. How would you like to capture him yourself? :'''Zenigata''': I'll take you up on that offer! :''[He rams into Lupin and shoves him into a bush]'' ---- :''[Zenigata sees the helicopter exploding in the distance, as Lupin, who is disguised as Napoleon, stands next to him]'' :'''Zenigata''': L... Lupin... :'''Lupin''': What's the matter? Aren't you pleased? :'''Zenigata''': ''[sniffling]'' I'm sad because a good man has died. :'''Lupin''': A good man? :''[Another explosion occurs. Zenigata breaks into a run]'' :'''Zenigata''': Lupin, if you're alive, let's fight again. :''[The smoke from the wreckage billows out. Zenigata stops suddenly. Lupin runs up beside him. As the musical cue 'Zenigata March' plays in the background, Zenigata stares in disbelief. He starts to cry and sinks to his knees]'' :'''Zenigata''': L... Lupin... We were on different sides of the law, but I liked you. :''[He collapses and beats the ground, sobbing. Lupin smiles warmly]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[in thought]'' I like you, too. ---- :'''Jigen''': Love isn't allowed in a man's world. :'''Lupin''': Come on, Jigen, don't be so mean. ====Episode 84, Leave Revenge to Lupin==== :'''Jigen''': ''[answering the phone]'' Huh? :'''Joe of Spade''': Jigen! I'm being chased! Help me! This is Joe! :'''Jigen''': Joe? What's the matter? Where are you? :'''Joe of Spade''': I'm in Maria's restaurant. :''[Joe's two pursuers kick the door open. Joe draws but isn't able to fire. He backs away in terror]'' :'''Jigen''': ''[over the phone]'' Joe, answer me! What's the matter with you, Joe? :'''Male voice''': [over the phone] Go to hell, you idiot! :''[From over the phone comes the sound of gunfire]'' :'''Jigen''': JOE! :''[Jigen's panicked cries wake Lupin, who sleepily shuffles out of his room, clutching a pillow. The international thief and criminal looks profoundly innocent standing in the doorway like this]'' :'''Lupin''': Jigen, what's going on? :'''Jigen''': It's bad. My mentor's going to get bumped off. :'''Lupin''': ''[half-asleep]'' Huh...? :'''Jigen''': He's a man named Joe of Spade... Lupin, will you go to Marseille with me? :''[Lupin responds with a loud yawn]'' :'''Lupin''': It's the middle of the night... :''[Jigen carries Lupin over his shoulder into the Mercedes and drives into the night with him in the front passenger seat]'' ---- :'''Chief''': Lupin III is a thief who was born in France. He has a clear head, and he's the grandson of Arsene Lupin. He's bound to be patriotic. :'''Zenigata''': Yes, he may be, slightly... ---- :''[Lupin appears in Joe's teleporter. His hair crackles with static and he wears a dazed expression]'' :'''Joe''': Lupin! What are you doing here? :''[He curiously walks over to Lupin to closely inspect him. The young man rolls out, curled up in a tight ball, in the middle of the room. Slowly, he unfolds his legs, then his arms, rolling onto his back, and then a sitting position. He sets his head straight, then pinches his cheek, then his nose, then his ears, then feels his eyes, his head and chin, squishes his cheeks, feels his mouth, and finally slaps his face before shaking his head. He sits, still in a daze, and blinks. He looks around]'' :'''Lupin''': Oh, Joe! That means the electric waves have successfully transmitted me! ==== Episode 87, When the Devil Beckons to Lupin ==== :''[The gang finds Lupin lying asleep in the middle of the road]'' :'''Fujiko''': ''[cradling him]'' Lupin! Hang on! :'''Goemon''': There's only one way to wake up from hypnosis. ''[He kicks Lupin squarely in the behind]'' ---- :'''Peter''': Have you even met the Gestapo? They're devils. They're barely even human! :'''Lupin''': ''[jokingly]'' I thought ''you'' were the devil. :'''Peter''': Shut up! Give me the diamond! ---- :'''Lupin''': Stop it, Peter! :'''Peter''': Welcome, Lupin. I'll kill you along with the rest. :''[He gets out a lighter. Lupin pulls out the Dragon's Tear]'' :'''Lupin''': So you don't want the Dragon's Tear? :'''Peter''': I have no need for that. From the beginning, all I wanted was to kill every one of those bastard Nazis. :'''Lupin''': ''[drawing his Walther]'' I can't let you do that! :''[They pause for a long time. Peter nears the lighter close to the fuse. Lupin shoots it away, then shoots one of the ropes. One of the stakes goes flying and impales Peter. The horrific sight causes Lupin to avert his eyes. The balloon floats away with Peter still impaled on the stake. Lupin and his gang sadly watch the balloon]'' ==== Episode 89, Play the Thieves' Symphony==== :''[Fujiko has seen Lupin dozing in his seat while listening to Beethoven's Eroica]'' :'''Fujiko''': Lupin, since when were you a fan of classical music? :'''Lupin''': Well, ''Eroica'' is a good lullaby, you know? ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[muted]'' Goemon, what's going on? :'''Goemon''': ''[muted]'' I don't know, but there are fleas around. I feel itchy. ---- :'''Lupin''': It's a silencer that silences all sound! Now we're almost in the nuclear safe. :'''Jigen''': Anyway, you can take a bath now. ---- :'''Jigen''': Hey, why don't you go out for a walk? Huh? ''[Lupin ignores him]'' I guess not. ---- :'''Jigen''': No matter what kind of art it may be, I don't appreciate it. ---- :'''Lupin''': Pops? :'''Zenigata''': Don't call me "Pops". I'm not your relative, Lupin. ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[mouth full of balloon]'' Wawawd! I wiw wewwewew wis. ---- :'''Lupin''': Music isn't all about ballads. ==== Episode 97, Find the Treasure of Lupin the First ==== :''[While Lupin is kissing Fujiko, he swallows something]'' :'''Lupin''': Did you just feed me something? :'''Fujiko''': ''[coyly]'' You're right. :'''Lupin''': ''[giggling]'' I get it. You wanna go all night, right? :'''Fujiko''': It's the opposite. :'''Lupin''': The opposite? :'''Fujiko''': It'll make you sleep like a log. :'''Lupin''': Sleep like a... :''[He tumbles out of the bed and passes out]'' ---- :''[Lupin, Jigen and Goemon are handcuffed to a tree branch by Zenigata]'' :'''Lupin''': Hey, Zenigata, what are you going to do with us? :'''Zenigata''': I'm not going to do anything. :'''Lupin''': You're not going to do anything? What do you mean? Why won't you arrest us? :'''Zenigata''': According to the findings from the ICPO investigation, three men suspected as killers are riding the airship Paradise, which is on a goodwill mission. One of the men is from America, one is from Britain and the third is from the USSR. And the target seems to be you, Lupin the Third. :'''Lupin''': Thanks for the information. But Pops, why are you going out of your way to help us? :''[Zenigata says nothing, but turns and silently walks away. He stops suddenly]'' :'''Zenigata''': I heard they have strange killing techniques. Be careful. :'''Lupin''': Now I understand why you showed us your capture technique. :'''Zenigata''': ''[suddenly acting like a tsundere]'' You idiot! What kind of policeman would do such a thing?... Good luck anyway. :'''Jigen and Goemon''': Good luck? :'''Lupin''': ''[smiling warmly]'' He's too nice to be a policeman. ---- :''[Lupin watches a walking doll grow into a giant]'' :'''Lupin''': It's so big! Call it off! ''[He flees through the doorway]'' Stop, stop, stop! ''[The doll crashes through, breaking down the wall]'' Big ladies aren't my type! No means no! ''[He's backed against another wall. The doll tries to make a grab for him]'' This is the opposite of stopping! We're not a good match! We'd stand out! ''[The doll slips and falls on top of him]'' Help! I can't breathe! Come on, help me out of here! :'''Rasputan''': This is the special dummy I had prepared for you. :''[The doll shrinks back to its normal size]'' :'''Lupin''': That was bad. :''[He watches the doll walking as Rasputan laughs]'' :''' ==== Episode 98, The Day the Old Man Died ==== :'''Lupin''': Sure would be nice, going up to Heaven with Pops, hand in hand. ---- :''[Zenigata wakes up underwater and surfaces in the Seine]'' :'''Lupin''': Good grief! Pops is alive! :'''Zenigata''': Lupin! You're under arrest! :'''Lupin''': What's going on here? :'''Jigen''': No idea. :'''Goemon''': ''[hearing Truffaut's men]'' They're coming. :''[The gang jumps into the river. Lupin knocks Zenigata out with a stick as he does so]'' :'''Lupin''': You play dead now, Pops. ---- :'''Goemon''': ''[to Truffaut]'' I feel sorry for the officer you killed. His parents are still alive. :'''Zenigata''': ''[in tears]'' He was my shooting teacher at ICPO! A very kind officer! That's why he used the tranquilizer bullet on me. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Lupin... Thank you. ==== Episode 104, The Most Dangerous Golden Bed ==== :'''Butler''': May I ask who this is? :'''Zenigata''': I'm the man on this card. :''[He presents his business card, which has the name "Kouichi Zenigata" written on it]'' :'''Zenigata''': I'm Inspector Zenigata from Japan! :''[He dutifully salutes]'' :'''Morgan''': I didn't ask the Japanese police to assist me. ==== Episode 106, You're a Cat, I'm a Dried Tuna ==== :'''Vivian''': ''[to the camera]'' Oh, I shouldn't have lied. :'''Zenigata''': What were you saying just now? :'''Vivian''': Uh, nothing... ---- :'''Lupin''': Why would I steal a pencil-eating cat? ---- :'''Lupin''': My life needs excitement, not cuteness. ---- :'''Goemon''': It's just a kids' newspaper. ---- :''[Jigen whittles at a pencil, meowing]'' :'''Jigen''': Meow, I said! ''[He puts the shavings underneath a basket as a trap]'' Can I really catch it this way? ''[He goes to hide behind a chimney and waits. Some time later, Jigen dozes off]'' ---- :'''Bucky''': A famous person wasting time for a lost cat must be very rich. ---- :'''Goemon''': I can't do something this silly anymore. :'''Fujiko''': Me neither. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[putting the cat in a letterbox]'' Post! ''[The young man hides in an alleyway as Bucky, Butcher and Vivian run past. A mailman drives by Lupin on a motorcycle and hands him a package. He opens it and the cat emerges. It jumps onto his shoulder affectionately]'' Why me? ---- :'''Lupin''': Stop the noise! ''[He makes faces at the cat, like a parent would to a baby]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': You're a strange cat. How is this tasty? ''[He tries one of the "pencil shavings" and finds it to have a familiar taste. He inspects the shavings closer]'' This is dried tuna. ---- :'''Lupin''': Go on! Go away. Shoo, shoo! Shoo! Shoo! Go on. You rascal. ''[The cat, in its unconditional love for Lupin, starts to walk away, but decides it will refuse to leave him and walks back towards him]'' I'm a dog. ''[The cat, who doesn't speak or understand human and finds Lupin entertaining, meows with delight and jumps onto his leg]'' Oh, good grief. ---- :'''Zenigata''': I don't care about the cat. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Alright, let's retreat. :'''Vivian''': This is... Mr. Dorogata, that's my cat! Please, search harder! :'''Zenigata''': The name's ''Zeni''gata. ==== Episode 110, Hot Shot, This Is Fujiko ==== :'''Lupin''': Jigen, I'll take one for you. :'''Jigen''': Maybe it's better if I've had a shower first? :'''Lupin''': It doesn't make a difference anyway. :''[He takes a picture of Jigen. A photo comes out. Lupin looks at it with surprise]'' :'''Jigen''': What? What's on it? :''[He finds to his bewilderment that it's a photo three minutes into the future of him in the shower, completely nude]'' ---- :''[On a nudist beach, Zenigata, in boxers, cringes before a trio of women]'' :'''Woman 1''': Come on and take your clothes off. It's the rules here. :'''Woman 2''': A person is most beautiful when they're in the nude. :'''Woman 3''': That's right. ''[She pulls on Zenigata's boxers]'' Here, put this on. ==== Episode 112, Goemon's Close Call ==== :'''Lupin''': You went through this for my sake. :'''Goemon''': If I betrayed my comrades, I'd rather die. :'''Lupin''': ''[stroking Goemon's hair]'' You're a fool. A real fool! :''[He hugs Goemon tightly and cries]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[previewing the next episode]'' "My only goal is to arrest Lupin." Bah! And now Old Man Zenigata is playing Chuushingura to arrest me! The next one is "Operation Chuushingura". See ya! ==== Episode 113, The Name of the Operation is Chuushingura ==== :''[Lupin and Jigen are munching away on biscuits at a kabuki play when they notice Goemon clutching his Zantetsuken and crying, enthralled by the play. Lupin, looking displeasedly at Goemon, is about to take another bite of his biscuit when Jigen yanks it away, and Lupin ends up biting his own teeth]'' :'''Lupin''': Ouch! What did you do that for? ''[He reaches for his biscuit again but Jigen slaps his hand away and points at the weeping Goemon. Lupin leaves the theater]'' Just like kids, coming to watch Chuushingura every year. Are the Japanese idiots? ---- :'''Zenigata''': How could they sack you, chief? :'''Chief Asano''': It doesn't matter, Zenigata. I alone doomed myself. As a law keeper, I shouldn't use violence. :''[Zenigata silently bursts into tears]'' :'''Chief Asano''': But if I knew this would happen, I'd have trashed that minister. :'''Zenigata''': I'm sorry. I shouldn't have stopped you. :'''Chief Asano''': Doesn't matter. You must go on. ---- :''[On a boat, Kira complains to a blind drunk Lupin]'' :'''Kira''': I'm very old, of course I'm degenerated. Why must I be treated as the bad guy? :'''Lupin''': Old man, don't cry. Here's another cup. :'''Kira''': Ooishi Kuranosuke, I hate you. :'''Lupin''': Don't look so mean. :'''Kira''': Right. The topic is the treasure. :'''Lupin''': Is there really a treasure? :'''Kira''': Of course there is. I, Kira Kozuenosuke, used my degenerate ways to gather this treasure. :'''Lupin''': If we were meant to meet, I'll investigate it for you. ---- :''[The plane Lupin is flying is low on fuel]'' :'''Lupin''': We're out of gas. :'''Fujiko''': There's a gas station over there. :'''Lupin''': This isn't a car! ---- :'''Kira''': My hands are cold because... I'm a ghost. :''[After a second, Lupin bursts out laughing]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[pounding the table]'' "I'm a ghost"! That's a good one. :''[His friends watch in astonishment as the man literally vanishes into thin air]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[drunk and talking in his sleep]'' Can't take more... ---- :'''Lupin''': Let's see how serious they are. ''[He holds up a white flag. The officer shoots it]'' They're serious. ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[imitating Oishi]'' Comrades of mine, our time has come! :'''Police''': Yes! :''[Zenigata tries to bang the drum but smashes the skin instead]'' :'''Zenigata''': Oops. :'''Officer''': He's taking this act too much to heart. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[in a flirtatious pose]'' Ginger ale later! ==== Episode 121, The Treasure My Grandfather Left Behind ==== :'''Jigen''': Let's save him. ''[He plays the flute]'' :'''Zenigata''': ''[still wrestling with the snake]'' That's the wrong end! :'''Jigen''': My bad. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[dazed]'' Fujiko, what do you conclude from this? :'''Fujiko''': Let's see... Be careful of the floor and the stairs. :'''Lupin''': Oh yeah, that's right. ''[He faints]'' ---- :''[Lupin slips down a flight of stairs]'' :'''Lupin''': This is the last straw! Ain't there an escalator?! ---- :'''Lupin''': What the hell is all this sheep doing here? :'''Gregoire''': Don't be irritated. It's not good for your health. You know, count sheep when you can't fall asleep? I suggest you take a nap till they all leave. :'''Lupin''': Don't talk bullshit. ''[He yells at the sheep]'' Hey, go on! Shoo! Come on! I need that statue! ---- :''[Jigen sees Lupin sitting in the middle of the courtyard. Butterflies circle around his head]'' :'''Jigen''': Lupin! ''[He rushes forward and shakes the dozing Lupin by the head]'' Wake up, Lupin! :'''Lupin''': Three billion, six hundred and fifty seven million, six thousand... :'''Jigen''': ''[smacking Lupin lightly on the head to wake him up]'' What kind of talk is that? We know the guy's real identity now. :'''Fujiko''': Lupin, what are you doing? ''[She runs up to the gang]'' Is that the Venus statue? It's pretty. :'''Lupin''': You can see it behind the camels? :'''Fujiko''': What camels? ---- :'''Fujiko''': You were decieved by some butterflies? ==== Episode 126, Together with Lupin to Hell ==== :'''Lupin''': Could you keep this for me? ''[He tosses Goemon a brooch]'' Just take it for me as my parting gift. I could be killed by Fujiko's tricks. ''[Goemon gives a smile of understanding, pockets the item and leaves]'' ---- :''[Lupin removes the tape from a bound Jigen's mouth]'' :'''Jigen''': Lupin, you jerk! Have I ever betrayed you? What's the big idea? :'''Lupin''': If I didn't, you wouldn't come with me. :'''Jigen''': Stop the car! I don't want to take part! ''[Lupin sprays Jigen with knockout gas]'' Lupin, I'll remember this... :''[He passes out in the front passenger seat]'' :'''Lupin''': I'll wake you when you get there. Sweet dreams. ---- :'''Lupin''': What now, Jigen? :'''Jigen''': Dunno. ---- :'''Lupin''': Let's use rock-paper-scissors to see who'll decide. ''[Jigen scoffs]'' As I thought... ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[thinking Lupin had died]'' He was a lady-killer, spineless, irritating, but to die like this... :''[a stone is hurled at his head. Lupin emerges from one of the corner pockets]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[indignantly]'' Who's a spineless irritating lady-killer?! ---- :'''Lupin''': Damn, the water's coming in. Go-Goemon... ''GOEMON!!'' ''[The stone behind Lupin and Jigen is sliced and they fall out backwards]'' Goemon, are you dead, too? :'''Goemon''': That would be troublesome. ==== Episode 128, The Old Woman and the Thievery Contest ==== :''[Lupin barges into Jigen and Goemon's room. The two men wake up squealing like little girls. There's a short, awkward pause. Lupin goes to the end of Goemon's bed and looks at him curiously]'' :'''Goemon''': ''[blushing and clearing his throat]'' It seems I've had a bad dream. :'''Jigen''': ''[trying to look casual]'' Me, too. :''[Lupin leaves, knowing his partners don't have the diamond]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': I'm mad that you used my name at your will. :'''Mrs. Dokonjo''': You're angry... :''[She bawls]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[nervous]'' Granny... Listen, granny... ''[He moves over to console her]'' I'll forgive you. But please, don't do it again. Please. :''[She looks up at him with a glare]'' :'''Mrs. Dokonjo''': Lupin! :'''Lupin''': What kind of a look is that? ---- :''[The gang stand on each other's shoulders so that their lunatic friend can reach a diaper on a laundry line]'' :'''Jigen''': When I find that old lady, I'll show her who's boss. :'''Goemon''': ''[standing on Jigen's shoulders]'' I came to Broadway for this? :'''Fujiko''': ''[standing on Goemon's shoulders]'' The four of us had to be mobilized for that? :'''Lupin''': ''[standing on Fujiko's shoulders]'' Just a bit more... there... just a bit more... :''[He manages to grab the trivial thing]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': That old bag is trying to make the article more interesting. She siphoned the gas out of the tank. We're out of gas! :'''Jigen''': ''[laughing lightly and pushing his fedora further down his face]'' That old biddy. I'm beginning to like her. ==== Episode 129, In Jigen, I Saw the Kindness of a Man's Soul ==== :'''Guard''': At the moment, the president is taking a nap. Until he wakes up, please wait in the waiting room. :'''Jigen''': OK. By the way... ''[He hits the guard with a tranquilizer dart]'' Why don't you take a nap as well? ---- :'''Lupin''': I really ought to go there myself, but Pops is hot on my tail right now. :'''Zenigata''': Grrr... Woof! ---- :''[A group of men in brown uniforms burst in on Jigen, who is sitting in a hotel room, holding a beverage glass and wearing a nightgown and a nightcap]'' :'''Jigen''': Well, I don't recall calling for room service. :'''Janaican Police Chief''': Has a woman come into this room? :'''Jigen''': What woman? Sorry, man, but I'm a woman-hater. :'''Janaican Police Chief''': If you're lying, you're in big trouble. Search the place! :''[The men trash the room while Jigen calmly sits and has a drink. Fortunately, they don't notice the broken window the woman swung in through]'' :'''Janaican Officer''': Damn it, she got away! :''[The men leave as Jigen holds the door open for them]'' :'''Jigen''': ''[to the chief]'' Thank you for coming. Why don't you have a drink with me? :''[The chief ignores him and leaves. Jigen kicks the door shut in a huff]'' ---- :'''Fujiko''': ''[disguised as a pilot]'' We're carrying too many people. One person has to get off or we're going to crash. :'''Lupin''': ''[fighting a thumb war with Zenigata]'' That's what he says. What are you going to do, Pops? I don't want to get off. :'''Zenigata''': ''[also fighting the thumb war]'' I don't want to get off here either. ==== Episode 139, Steal Everything From Lupin ==== :'''Lupin''': ''[watching Mr. Steel carry Fujiko off]'' I ain't gonna let my body have all the fun without me. ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[disguising himself as a woman]'' Lupin has a weakness for women. :''[He applies the lipstick. The white face paint and colorful clothes honestly make him look more like a clown. He answers his walkie-talkie]'' :'''Officer''': Inspector, Lupin is here. :'''Zenigata''': Alright, I understand. ''[He puts on a girlish voice]'' I'll be right there. ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[seeing Mr. Steel as Lupin grope a woman in the park]'' He's really trying to act like Lupin, isn't he? :'''Lupin''': I'm not as bad as that. ---- :''[Mr. Steel in Lupin's body tries to chat up a disguised Zenigata]'' :'''Goemon''': His taste is as bad as yours. :'''Lupin''': Don't be silly. I wouldn't try and pick up Old Man Zenigata if I was offered. ---- :'''Jigen''': What now, Lupin? Your body will be taken to prison. ---- :'''Lupin''': This is the first time I've disguised myself as myself. It's really strange. ---- :''[Zenigata faints from the confusion of having his body transported into Mr. Steel's]'' :'''Dr. Changer''': Poor thing. With his brain it's difficult to understand what's going on, you see. ---- :''[as Zenigata, in the dying Mr. Steel's body, chases his own body, Lupin drives past in the Mercedes]'' :'''Lupin''': Pops! Work harder, will you? :'''Zenigata''': L-Lupin! :''[Lupin accelerates, and so does Mr. Steel]'' :'''Zenigata''': Wait! :''[Gradually he slows to a walk and finally collapses, dropping his handcuffs. It's curtains for Zenigata... probably]'' ==== Episode 140, Wolf Run, Pig Fall Down ==== :'''Lupin''': Look at Pops bragging up there. :'''Jigen''': Go ahead and let him. ---- :'''Jigen''': Thanks for catching up, Pops. ---- :'''Jigen''': That fish could beat Jaws. :'''Lupin''': I oughta turn 'im into a canned salmon. ---- :'''Lupin''': Animal instincts really are a wonderful thing. ==== Episode 142, The Big Favorite Disappeared at the Grand Race ==== :'''Lupin''': Pops, where's your parachute? :'''Zenigata''': I don't need it to arrest you! :'''Lupin''': Let go, Pops! :'''Zenigata''': No way in hell! :''[They float down past Red Arrow, who kicks Zenigata, sending him falling into the water, taking Lupin's pants with him]'' ---- :'''Fujiko''': You've done it, Lupin! :'''Lupin''': Yes, but he eats like a horse, pardon the expression. ---- :'''Lupin''': Pops, I'm leaving him with you. Take care of Red Pig. ==== Episode 145, Wings of Death: Albatross ==== :''[Lupin prepares to exchange the detonator for Fujiko]'' :'''Lonebach''': One... :'''Lupin''': Two... :''[Fujiko reveals herself to be Zenigata in disguise]'' :'''Zenigata''': Three! ---- :''[Zenigata searches Lupin, emptying his false foot]'' :'''Lupin''': Pops, is that big aeroboat going to fly? :'''Zenigata''': Yes, today they will test it. :'''Lupin''': I see, that's the story behind that Albatross spark plug thing. ''[Zenigata grabs his face and pulls hard]'' Ow! Ow! Stop it! :'''Zenigata''': Oh, it's in here? :''[Zenigata pulls off a fake hairpiece from Lupin's head]'' :'''Lupin''': It's not my fault. :''[Zenigata looks in bewilderment as the hairpiece starts to fizzle, and finds out too late that it's a flash grenade]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': Fujiko. Fujiko. :''[Fujiko awakens]'' :'''Fujiko''': Lupin. :'''Lupin''': You're not hurt? :''[Fujiko finds she's lying in the rubble, sandwiched between Jigen and Zenigata, who are unconscious. Lupin, meanwhile, is hanging upside down. The four of them look like a tangled mess]'' :'''Fujiko''': I know you look serious but this really must be some kind of joke to you! ---- :''[Lonebach floats through the air with Zenigata clinging to him]'' :'''Zenigata''': I've never seen an atom bomb like this. :'''Lonebach''': These bombs are real, I tell you! :'''Zenigata''': Then let them explode! :'''Lonebach''': No! No way! ==== Episode 148, The Target is 555 Meters ==== :'''Lupin''': The building lights all look like little diamonds from up here. ---- :'''Lupin''': OK, Goemon, I'm good and ready. ==== Episode 151, The Arrest Lupin Highway Operation ==== :'''Zenigata''': I'll catch Lupin even if I have to go into the cage with him. ---- :'''Lupin''': Yo, Pops, are you alright down there? :'''Zenigata''': ''[poking his head through the bars]'' Lupin, how dare you! Don't move! I'm going to get you right now! ''[He realizes his head is stuck and manages to pull it back through the bars. The barge starts moving]'' Stop that! :'''Lupin''': Next time, pick a better trap for me! ''[He laughs loudly]'' :'''Zenigata''': ''[angrily shooting at Lupin]'' You think it's so funny to make a fool of me? ==== Episode 152, Jigen and a Hat and a Pistol ==== :'''Fujiko''': I need Jigen to... ''[She sees Jigen wearing a Tyrolean hat and giggles]'' Jigen, what happened to your hat? :''[Jigen blushes and hides behind Lupin]'' ---- :''[The gang finds Zenigata hiding in a bush with a recording device, sobbing]'' :'''Lupin''': Well, now. Pops, what are you crying about? :'''Zenigata''': Lupin, I've never been so touched like I am today. I really respect Jigen's decision. He is a man among men. :'''Lupin''': What? :'''Zenigata''': Listen, Lupin. I'll let you go until Jigen does his job. Go for it, Jigen! I'm rooting for you! :''[He marches away, singing the theme to Star of the Giants]'' ==== Episode 154, The Hexagon's Great Legacy ==== :'''Fujiko''': ''[disguised as a messenger]'' Inspector, I've got news for you. :'''Zenigata''': Regarding Lupin? :'''Fujiko''': Yes. He's targeting a bank at the Hexagon City. :''[Zenigata laughs eagerly and snatches his coat]'' :'''Zenigata''': Give it. :''[He dashes out the door]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': Wait there, Lupin. I'll use my bonus money to buy you a grave. ==== Episode 155, Farewell my beloved Lupin ==== :'''"Zenigata"''': And this cutie... I mean, the girl is? ---- :'''Lupin''': The real Pops should be at the airport by now. ---- :'''Zenigata''': How stupid can a guy be to impersonate Lupin? ==== English Dub Bloopers ==== :'''Jigen''': I still say that broad is nothing but trouble, but God damn it, has she got great tits or what? ---- :'''Jigen''': It says right here, "Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot..." ---- :'''Lupin''': Sounds like someone thinks he might not measure up. :'''Jigen''': Oh, that's ridiculous, man! I have a fourteen-inch doggy dick and don't you forget it! ---- :'''Dr. Normil''': Gentlemen. :'''Jigen''': Hey, this guy's got a dick for a head. :'''Dr. Normil''': I can see you've been talking about me already. ---- :'''Jigen''': You just tripped over my dick. ---- :'''Jigen''': There's a sign up ahead. It says ''Go Fuck Yourself''. ---- :'''Lupin''': Nothing like a tall glass of juice after a near-fatal sauna. :'''Jotarou''': Excuse me, but I thought you might like to know that you now have no choice but to lick my sweaty fucking testes. ---- :'''Lupin''': Stop it! Turn it off, please! :'''Jotarou''': And then, when you couldn't beat my father fair and square, you cheated! :'''Lupin''': Hah! I could have broken into that safe blindfolded, but I didn't! And you know why? It was out of compassion for your father, you bald fuck! :'''Jotarou''': That's a desperate lie. I'm ''not'' a bald fuck, I ''wax!'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': Dickhead, you'd better be positive about this. :'''Dr. Normil''': I hate it when people call me that. ''I'M VERY SENSITIVE ABOUT MY HEAD!'' Bastard! :'''Zenigata''': ''[in thought]'' Sure you are... ''penis with ears''. === Lupin III Part III === ==== Episode 1, The Gold is Beckoning Lupin ==== :''[Lupin sees a phone ringing in a shark's mouth. He answers it]'' :'''Lupin''': Call me back. I'm busy. :'''Fujiko''': Oh, dear. The Lupin I know wouldn't act so cold. :'''Lupin''': Who's that? Oh, Fujiko. :'''Fujiko''': I'm in San Francisco, and I need your help. :'''Lupin''': Oh, you're in Frisco? Right, I'm on my way. ''[As he hangs up, the shark bites him on the hand. A wave crashes onto him. As it turns out, he was dreaming, and the wave that hit him was water from a vase he knocked over while trying to put the receiver back. He lies half out of his bed, still holding the receiver]'' ---- :'''Jigen''': You said you were stuck to the seat with super glue? Be careful not to peel your back. :'''Lupin''': I have to hurry and help Fujiko. :'''Jigen''': ''[dismantling the bomb]'' In Chinatown? ''[He pulls out the connecting wire]'' Right, got it. :''[Lupin flexes his back, but the bomb is still stuck to him and the entire back of his clothes is torn off]'' :'''Lupin''': Guess not. ==== Episode 2, Expose the Great Trap ==== :'''Lupin''': Whoever touches this bubble when it bursts instantly loses their short-term memory. :''[He lets the bubble float and walks away]'' :'''Jigen''': Hmph. Ridiculous. ''[The bubble bursts on the brim of Jigen's hat, and he stares ahead in a trance. Lupin steals the gun Jigen was cleaning and swaps it with an ice cream cone. Jigen breaks out of the trance and rubs a handkerchief on the ice cream]'' Huh? What the...? ''[Lupin laughs, and Jigen throws the ice cream into his mouth]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': Here you go, back-ash-wards. ---- :'''Director Aran''': ICPO approved the use of six tons of pure gold for this operation. And the operation failed. Naturally we have to take the blame for it. :'''Zenigata''': ''[crying]'' Because of my failure... I apologize. :'''Director Aran''': You don't have to apologize to me. What's done is done. And you're not an Inspector anymore. Forget about Lupin and go back to Japan. :'''Zenigata''': Director Aran, thank you for everything during my time in the force. ''[He walks away in tears]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': You damn interloper! Mind your own business! Not mine! ==== Episode 3, Greetings, Hell's Angel ==== :'''Lupin''': Well? Scared yet? If you feel like running away, this is your last chance. :'''Flora''': I don't feel like it. ''[Lupin looks bewildered]'' If you're trying to drive me away by scaring me, it's not working. ''[Lupin trudges away, then stops and glances back at Flora]'' I've made up my mind to follow you to the end. ''[Lupin looks surprised. Flora runs to him with open arms]'' Do what you want with me, Lupin! :'''Lupin''': ''[disturbed]'' Just kidding! Joke's over! :''[He flees and tumbles into the sea]'' ==== Episode 4, Telepathy is Love's Signal ==== :'''Lupin''': ''[over the phone]'' Fujiko dear! :'''Fujiko''': ''[in the bath]'' Lupin, I won't see you any more. :'''Lupin''': Sorry. Just wait for me. Kissy kissy! :'''Jigen''': Calling Fujiko again? ==== Episode 6, Lupin has Come With a Tank ==== :'''Lupin''': Geez, where's he off screwing around? At this rate, we'll find the pearly gates before we find the Megas treasure. ==== Episode 9, the Copy-Man Becomes Expensive ==== :''[Zenigata is stuck on a magnet, with Budweiser pinned between them. He strains to pull himself loose]'' :'''Dr. Budweiser''': Ouch! Let go of me! :'''Zenigata''': Sorry, doctor. I'm doing the best I can. ''[He tries to pull himself away]'' Damn you, Lupin! He tricked me into wearing a suit of armor because of this magnet. ''[He gets his right arm free]'' Damn it, I can't get loose! ''[His left arm is now free as well. He continues trying to heave himself away. Some time later, Zenigata is fully free. He runs out of the safe and looks around]'' Alright, Lupin! You're mine! ''[He sees a glass case with smouldering ashes coming from it]'' He tricked us with this smoke, saying that it's poisoned gas! Wait a minute! He made us believe that he left through the tunnel... But he's actually probably gone to the roof! ==== Episode 10, Lay a Plot with the Treasure ==== :'''Goemon''': I was distracted again. I must improve my mind. :'''Lupin''': ''[wearing a chef's hat and apron and holding a frying pan]'' Thanks a lot. I couldn't find the can opener, so it was a big assist. ---- :'''Jigen''': Still, what a flake. Doesn't this guy know about libel laws? ---- :''[Lupin has just told Jigen he heard that the Minister needs Arsene Lupin's treasure for something]'' :'''Jigen''': ''[scoffing]'' Ridiculous. I heard the Minister of Justice is going to run for President. He's just using you as campaign fodder. :'''Lupin''': Yeah, it seems like it. ---- :'''Jigen''': By the way, why does the Minister have your grandpa's treasure? :'''Lupin''': Well, the story I heard is that is that grandpa was screwed over by some broad. And she was the Minister's mother. :''[Jigen laughs]'' :'''Jigen''': That's hilarious. It's just like you and Fujiko. ---- :'''Lupin''': You eat a lot. How many stomachs to you have? :'''Jigen''': Don't be silly. It's natural to get hungry after exercising. ---- :'''Jigen''': Don't you think this jailbreak looks too easy? :''[In the back seat, Zenigata looks nervous]'' :'''Lupin''': What? That just means that my plan was perfect. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Minister, you don't have to go about this in a roundabout way. If you leave it to me, I can arrest Lupin right now! :'''Minister''': Inspector Zenigata, if you really could arrest him so easily, Lupin would have been in prison long ago. :'''Zenigata''': Huh? Well... Yes, but... :'''Minister''': Suppose you arrest him. If Lupin then escaped from jail, it would hurt my presidential campaign. Listen, you must not try to arrest Lupin without my permission. :'''Zenigata''': Yes. I, I... I understand, sir! ---- :'''Lupin''': Hey, Pops, you better scram! That dome's gonna blow! ---- :'''Zenigata''': That's our Lupin... I knew something like this would happen! ==== Episode 13, Play a Joke on the Variation ==== :'''Zenigata''': Well? Isn't it cosy, wrapped in my super Lupin-catching flypaper? ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[sticking an exploding bag to Zenigata's face]'' You'd better not peel it off too hard or your skin will come off. ---- :'''Jigen''': What Lupin needs is rest. He's completely exhausted, in both mind and body. ---- :''["Fujiko" drives Lupin to Madame Luisa's castle]'' :'''"Fujiko"'''': Madame Luisa, the billionaire widow, is holding a big party. There will be a lot of rich ladies there. Those vain creatures are like moving jewelry shops. You can collect their jewels with those fingers of yours. ''[Lupin is asleep and not listening]'' Lupin? Lupin? Lupin! ''[Lupin, wearing a woman's dress and bandages on his head, finally wakes up. The symbol of a hand with a curved index finger is reflected in his left eye.]'' Understand? Our share will be 70-30. ''[Lupin sees the castle and stares at it as though in a trance]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': I caught Lupin and lived! ---- :'''Lupin''': Welcome to the peep show! ==== Episode 16, The Poisonous Golden Apple ==== :'''Jigen''': Got a cold? :'''Lupin''': No, it just happens when Pops talks about me. ---- :'''Guard''': Ah, Inspector, look out! It's dangerous to lean over so much! This is shark infested water! :'''Zenigata''': ''[arrogant and insistent on searching for Lupin]'' You fool! If you're scared of a shark, you can't arrest Lupin! ''[The boat leans to the side, sending Zenigata falling over the railing and towards the water. Lupin throws a rope out with a wooden block attached to it, causing the Inspector to dangle just above the water. He sees the guard is right, and there are indeed sharks in the water]'' Hey! Get away! Stay back! ''[The sharks jump at Zenigata]'' I'm not tasty! Don't come! Help! Pull me up! :'''Lupin''': ''[pulling Zenigata up]'' Geez, what a troublesome old man you are! :'''Jigen''': You're too nice. It'd make the job easier if you left him as shark bait. ---- :'''Lupin''': Hey, Pops, that's too violent for prime time! ---- :''[Zenigata sees Lupin ride away on a shark]'' :'''Zenigata''': What?! He trained a shark?! That's a Nobel Prize-level trick! :''[Out on the sea, Lupin still thinks he's riding a shark-shaped boat]'' :'''Lupin''': Huh? I can't control it. What happened to this machine? ''[The shark dives out of the water]'' Huh? Th... This is a real shark! ''[The shark dives in and out of the water]'' Whoa! He-help me! ''[It dives in and out again]'' ''Jigen!'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': Prince Adam, this woman is part of Lupin's gang! :'''Prince Adam''': She isn't. Fujiko is my governess! :'''Zenigata''': Your governess? Fujiko? ''[He bursts out laughing]'' ---- :''[Zenigata bends the bars of the cage he's trapped in]'' :'''Lupin''': Wow, you really are a gorilla. Time to scram! ---- :'''Lupin''': Pops, you didn't sleep last night, did you? You'd better take a nap! :''[The tired Inspector watches Jigen drive Lupin away]'' :'''Zenigata''': Wait, Lupin... :''[His all-night vigil takes its toll and he falls asleep on the ground]'' ---- :''[Lupin appears at the door. He looks dishevelled and exhausted]'' :'''Lupin''': How do I look? Am I sexy? :''[He collapses]'' :'''Fujiko''': Oh, Lupin, what's happened to you? You look so thin! :'''Jigen''': The apple is actually a laxative to help with bulimia. :'''Fujiko''': That figures. After all the trouble to get it, it turned out to be a laxative. ==== Episode 17, Are You Really Getting Married? ==== :'''Jigen''': See? It's just like I said. ---- :'''Lupin''': So, Pops, can you do me one last favor? :'''Zenigata''': W-what? Why are you being so polite? :'''Lupin''': Well, you know, you're going to have us executed, so... I was wondering... Could you marry Fujiko and I first? :'''Fujiko''': Lupin... :'''Lupin''': Please, I beg you, Pops. :''[Zenigata thinks about it]'' :'''Fujiko''': I'd like to ask that of you as well, Inspector Zenigata. ''[to Lupin]'' To tell you the truth, I've loved you all the time. :'''Lupin''': Fujiko... ''[to Zenigata]'' See? Please, Pops. I beg you. :'''Zenigata''': Fine, I got it. I'll see what I can do. ==== Episode 23, The Beirut Mobile Bank Operation ==== :'''Bank manager''': This is my secretary. :'''Fujiko''': ''[disguised as a secretary]'' I was just bringing you drinks. :'''Zenigata''': ''[with an upturned glass on his head]'' So I see. ---- :'''Zenigata''': They brushed me off with some tissues. What do they take us for at Interpol? :''[He sniffs them]'' :'''Zenigata''': Hey, these smell pretty nice. Guess that's normal for a posh bank... ---- :'''Computer''': Physical characteristic: Bow-legged. :'''Lupin''': That's none of your business! ---- :'''Lupin''': Settle down and have one last smoke. :''[He genially hands Zenigata a cigarette. The Inspector sits down and takes the cigarette. Lupin lights it]'' :'''Computer''': Smoking is forbidden. :''[It sprays water in Zenigata's face]'' ==== Episode 24, Sleep Peacefully, My Friend==== :'''Lupin''': ''[cornered and out of bullets]'' Stupid Jigen! :''[Jigen arrives in a helicopter]'' :'''Jigen''': If you don't like me, I can flee solo. :'''Lupin''': Please don't, Jigen-san. ==== Episode 26, A Ghost in New York ==== :''[Goemon has fished out a skeleton from the Hudson river]'' :'''Goemon''': An unidentified corpse. And floating down the Hudson river. Poor fellow. I wish you a speedy journey. ''[As he starts to leave, the skeleton grabs his hakama]'' What are you doing? Stop haunting me or I'll slash you! ''[The skeleton winks flirtatiously. Goemon yells. He watches as the skeleton vanishes in a puff of smoke]'' A host? An illusion? ''[He looks at the bamboo flowerpot he had laid on the ground with trepidation]'' ---- :'''Lilly''': I do love older men. :'''Goemon''': O-O-Older men? ---- :''[Lupin catches one of the quintuplets in his arms]'' :'''Lupin''': ''[with hearts in his eyes]'' Hey, it's the cute babe from before! Seriously, what's your number? I've got to know! ''[She pushes Lupin away and slaps him]'' ==== Episode 29, Let's Go to the Honey-Moon ==== :'''Jigen''': ''[hearing Fujiko and Lupin plan to get married]'' Hmph. You should take a walk before you break his heart. ---- :'''Goemon''': ''[seeing a Daruma doll seemingly moving on its own]'' What power! ---- :'''Zenigata''': Open, sesame. :'''Door''': Please go away. :'''Zenigata''': ''[pounding the door]'' Open up! Open up! ... Open, carrot. :'''Door''': Please go away. :'''Zenigata''': Open, tomato. Open, green pepper! Open, potato! Open, burdock! :'''Door''': Please go away. :'''Zenigata''': Radish! Cabbage! Celery! Sweet potato! ---- :'''Goemon''': Mr. Robot, please tell me how to cast my chi. ''[The robot flees in the other direction]'' Mr. Robot! Please! ''[Goemon blocks its path]'' Please... I beg you! Please teach me! ---- :'''Zenigata''': I always knew she'd stab you in the back. You were betrayed by the woman and your pals and it left you ruined. You felt defeated, and your thoughts turned to suicide. ''[Lupin yawns]'' But then you heard a divine voice saying "Don't be hasty. ''[Lupin removes the handcuffs and plays with them]'' Is that right, Lupin? ''[Lupin yawns again, so hard that tears form in his eyes]'' Don't cry. Here you are. ''[He hands Lupin a handkerchief. He blows his nose]'' There's an old proverb about not shooting the bird who turns to you for help. Right? You know it? ''[He sees Lupin has placed the handkerchief over his hands and removes it, with his handcuffs back on his wrists]'' ==== Episode 32, 10 Million Dollar Key ==== :''[Zenigata has arrested Lupin for stealing a hamburger. Lupin lies on his prison bed while Zenigata drunkenly sits before his cell]'' :'''Zenigata''': I've been chasing you for ten years. And all that time I've never had a day of rest. Turning my back on my home, leaving my country, forsaking women... ''all to chase you!'' :'''Lupin''': ''[turning away]'' You don't get to pin the lack of girlfriends on me. :'''Zenigata''': B-b-By the way... ''[He falls onto his side]'' By the way... Why... Of all the shameful things you've done, Lupin... Why'd it have to be over a hamburger? This is beyond pathetic. :''[He passes out. Lupin looks over at Zenigata with a smile]'' :'''Lupin''': You really are a big softy, Pops. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Robbing a local bank? ''[He sneezes]'' Talk about lowering your standards. ---- :'''Jigen''': American cops aren't pushovers like the ones in Japan. ---- :'''Lupin''': There's no point in having a car as an ornament you can't drive. ---- :'''Lupin''': Everyone needs a break. Even master thieves. ---- :'''Lupin''': The President seems better suited to riding a horse than a car. ---- :'''Lupin''': Well, that saved us some trouble. They stole the car themselves. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Damn that Lupin! If I ever arrest him, I'll give him my cold! :'''Lupin''': ''[to himself, in the other room]'' That must be Pops! ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[reading Lupin's letter]'' "Your beloved Lupin", my ass. ---- :'''Zenigata''': I came here to have breakfast... I mean, arrest you. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''[after Fujiko steals the car]'' Oh, whatever. ---- :'''Lupin''': "Ron"? "Zeni"? What are you, poker buddies? ==== Episode 33, A Boy Genius Plays a Dangerous Game ==== :'''Lupin''': Oh, it's Pops. It's weird seeing him play tag in a place like this after so long. ---- :'''Zenigata''': Lupin, are you after the boy, too? :'''Lupin''': As if! Like I'd get mixed up in something like this! ---- :'''Zenigata''': Freeze! :'''Lupin''': No way! ---- :''[At the New York ICPO headquarters, a poorly Zenigata sneezes loudly]'' :'''Zenigata''': ''[sneezing loudly]'' I will definitely catch Lupin... even if I have to sacrifice my life. ''[He sneezes again]'' :'''Chief''': I don't care about Lupin, Zenigata. It seems you don't understand how important this invention is. Anyway, bring back that boy Mikhail. ''[Zenigata blows his nose]'' He wants to use this invention to help starving people Africa and Asia. ''[Zenigata doesn't listen. He stows away his tissue, then takes out a piece of folded paper]'' That was the late Professor Kazanov's dying wish. If it winds up in corporate hands or those of a single government... ''[He realizes Zenigata is distracted]'' Are you listening, Zenigata? ''[Zenigata sneezes white powder into the chief's face]'' ==== Episode 34, Manhattan Crisis ==== :'''Zenigata''': ''[harried]'' ICPO hate putting people up on travel. They're so damn stingy on expenses. ---- :'''Lupin''': You say "pure love", but you mean "pure gold", don't you? ---- :'''Zenigata''': If I arrest Lupin know, they wouldn't know what to do with me! That's why I let him go on purpose. ---- :'''Lupin''': Sorry, I'm... Huh? You're still mad? :'''Goemon''': You woke me up from a nap. How could I be in a good mood after that? :'''Jigen''': Try taking your anger out on the mafia guys. ---- :'''Lupin''': I wish I could act like Elliot Ness! ---- :'''Thug''': Who are you? :'''Goemon''': We're the Shinsengumi! What? Oh no, Lupin's stupidity has rubbed off on me. ---- :'''Fujiko''': Where's Goemon? :'''Jigen''': He went off to crash. :'''Fujiko''': How can he sleep when there's eight million dollars waiting for him? ---- :'''Jigen''': Hey, Lupin. Did you order this thing? :''[Lupin finds that there's a grenade on the sandwich tray. He and Jigen race out the diner. Lupin presses his back to the door. The diner blows up. When the smoke clears, Lupin is unharmed, still with his back to the door. He stares ahead, face blank and numb with terror]'' :'''Lupin''': Delicious. ---- :''[Fleeing from the mafia, Lupin and Jigen run into a couple of policemen doing a stop-and-search] :'''Lupin''': Officer! Help! Help! Help! H- ''[He finds himself staring down the barrel of a cop's gun]'' Eh? ''[He quickly dodges before the cop fires and he and Jigen continue running down the street. The suspected felon fires at them along with the cops]'' Are they mafia, too? :'''Jigen''': Guess so. ---- :'''Lupin''': How many people are in the goddamn mob?! :'''Jigen''': Just assume it's everybody! ---- :'''Lupin''': Help us, Pops! :''[The mafia follow him and Jigen out of the manhole and chase them down the street]'' :'''Zenigata''': I'll help you when I've arrested you. ---- :''[Lupin and Jigen shelter together in a safe while Zenigata searches among the rubble]'' :'''Lupin''': Looks like we're stuck here for a while. :'''Jigen''': ''[dazed]'' Guess so. ---- :'''Goemon''': I'm tired. Bye. ---- :''[Zenigata sits before two wooden crosses he made for Lupin and Jigen]'' :'''Zenigata''': Why did you die and leave me on my own, Lupin? I... I loved chasing you. ''[He buries his face in his fist and cries]'' :'''Lupin''': Hey, Pops! What's up? Did someone die? :'''Zenigata''': Lupin! You're alive? ''[He dodges as Fujiko drives past him]'' :'''Fujiko''': Lupin! Wait for me! :'''Zenigata''': ''[overjoyed]'' Freeze, Lupin! You're under arrest! ==== Episode 38, The Little Mermaid ==== :'''Jigen''': Fujiko, in your vocabulary the word friends is just a synonym for money. ---- :'''Wallace''': Mr. Lupin is waiting for you. Please hurry. :''[He hands the Zantetsuken to Goemon]'' :'''Goemon''': Thank you. ''[Two officers run up to him. He imitates Zenigata]'' You fools! Hurry up and find him! He's escaped! :'''Officers''': Yes, sir! :''[Wallace and Goemon smile, then walk away. As they do so, Zenigata, lying under the rubble, flicks a tracking device onto the Zantetsuken]'' ---- :'''Lupin''': I can't go to heaven having been betrayed by my beloved Princess, can I? ---- :''[Lupin is carried off by a dolphin who is in love with him]'' :'''Lupin''': I don't wanna live underwater! Help me! Jigen? Goemon? Fujiko? Pops?! ==== Episode 39, The Gold To My Rival ==== :'''Zenigata''': Darn you, Lupin... Huh? I feel sleepy. ''[He muzzily makes out a group of masked men breaking into the armored car]'' Hey, wait! ''[A man grabs Zenigata by the arm and holds a knife to his throat]'' You're not Lupin's gang. ''[He bites the man's hand, causing him to scream in pain and lose his aqualung, and judo-throws him]'' Don't underestimate me. I, Zenigata, am not so easily... ''[He collapses by the wall, sedated by the gas and sound asleep]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': The culprit wasn't Lupin this time. He... :'''Chief''': I don't want to hear excuses! Zenigata, hurry up and find that gold, no matter ''who'' took it! :'''Zenigata''': ''[saluting]'' Understood, sir. ---- :'''Forensic scientist''': This is a "survival knife". It's used by special forces. :'''Zenigata''': Special forces... :'''Forensic scientist''': ''[pointing to an engraving on the knife]'' Look at this. :'''Zenigata''': Hmm, it's got an engraving. :'''Forensic scientist''': Yes. It's the serial number of the soldier who owned it. :'''Zenigata''': I see. ''[He dashes to the door]'' Thanks a bunch. You've been very helpful. :''[As he leaves, Jigen emerges from the locker]'' :'''Jigen''': I see. The gold robbers were special forces. :'''Lupin''': Yeah. No doubt. :'''Jigen''': ''[taking the knife]'' Still, he's not very bright to drop it. :'''Lupin''': Now, shall we go? '' :'''Jigen''': Right. :''[Lupin pulls off his mask just as Zenigata comes back in. He hastily pulls it back down]'' :'''Lupin''': W... What do you want? :'''Zenigata''': Huh? I thought I heard voices in here. Is everything OK? :''[He searches Lupin and stares suspiciously at him]'' :'''Lupin''': N... No, I'm just mumbling to myself. What do you want? :'''Zenigata''': Oh, right, right. Could you give me back the knife? :'''Lupin''': The knife? ''[He fumbles around for it]'' Knife, knife, where is that thing...? ''[Jigen's arm emerges from behind Lupin's coat with the knife]'' Oh, here. :'''Zenigata''': Ah, thanks. ''[He stands, wondering why the forensic scientist just grew a third arm. Lupin hastily shoves him out the door]'' :'''Lupin''': You got what you wanted, so get out and let me work! ''[He shuts the door]'' Phew. That was a close call. ---- :'''Lupin''': Thieves don't work during playtime. ---- :'''Zenigata''': "Cool my head"? Asshole. ---- :'''Jigen''': By the way, Lupin, what is this? :'''Lupin''': It's a missile. :'''Jigen''': What?! :'''Lupin''': I "borrowed" it from the armory! :'''Jigen''': Get me off this thing! :''[The missile crashes into a forest. The men emerge in one piece from a pond]'' :'''Lupin''': You still alive, Jigen? :'''Jigen''': Our partnership is over. ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[clinging awkwardly to an airborne plane]'' That's it! No more team-ups! :'''Lupin''': But aren't you comfortable? ==== Episode 41, A Night Under Martial Law ==== :'''Goemon''': It was careless of you to abandon us for a woman. :'''Jigen''': Lupin's habits are rubbing off on me. ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[holding Lupin's face in a caressing manner to examine the scratch on his cheek]'' Is that a new wound? :'''Lupin''': Yes, very new. :''[The two men gaze at each other and share a smile]'' :'''Goemon''': Idiots. :''[Lupin and Jigen touch each other's faces, then laugh]'' ==== Episode 44, Our Papa is a Thief ==== :'''Goemon''': ''[disguised as a construction worker]'' At least we're lucky this isn't Japan. No one I know will see me like this. ---- :'''Lupin''': ''(loudly singing)'' ''For the sake of my honey, I'm old-fashioned, aren't I? For the sake of the jewels, yeah-ho!'' ---- :'''Jigen''': ''[raising his voice to a chicken-like squawk]'' Damn, Lupin! You finally got someone knocked up! :'''Goemon''': ''[to the flabbergasted Lupin]'' It is rather unlike you to leave evidence behind. :'''Lupin''': It's a lie, it's a lie, it's a lie! I've. Been. Framed! I've never met this Mary! :'''Jigen''': ''[leaning into Lupin's face]'' You sure about that? :'''Lupin''': Pretty sure. ---- :'''Goemon''': You are a man of the world, aren't you? :'''Lupin''': ''[sheepishly]'' Well... a bit... ---- :''[Lupin calls Fujiko]'' :'''Fujiko''': I told you, we're not teaming up. :'''Lupin''': It's not that. I need a woman's nursing hand. ''[He sees Mark and Vivian playing with Lupin's Walther and Jigen's Magnum]'' Shut up! That's not a toy! ''[He and Jigen snatch their weapons back]'' :'''Fujiko''': ''[hearing the commotion of children]'' Lupin, are you hiding in a kindergarten? :'''Lupin''': No. OUCH! :''[Over in a truck, Zenigata listens in on the conversation]'' :'''Fujiko''': Well, I'm too busy to help, plus I don't want to. :'''Lupin''': Please, Fujicakes! We're in an apartment in the East Village! :'''Fujiko''': No! :''[She hangs up]'' ---- :'''Zenigata''': ''[crying]'' I didn't know that thieves with children even existed! On the contrary, I... :'''Lupin''': Don't cry on me, Pops! :'''Zenigata''': Having spent my life chasing this fool, I never even found a wife! I don't even have any darling children! My fate won't allow it! :'''Lupin''': What snapped in Pops? :'''Jigen''': Apparently he wants a family. :'''Goemon''': Poor soul. :'''Jigen''': This is our chance to run. :''[They back away from the poor, lonely Inspector and make a break for it]'' :'''Zenigata''': I want a wife! I want kids! ---- :'''Goemon''': No matter how we look at it, there's no way Jigen or I have children. :'''Jigen''': Right. No chance of that there. Though in your case... :'''Lupin''': Please, stop talking like that. ---- :'''Fujiko''': We both need to escape! :'''Lupin''': ''[sarcastically]'' Thanks for thinking of me! ---- :'''Jigen''': You look good in drag. :'''Goemon''': Shut it already. ==== Episode 46, Soaring on Scrap Wings ==== :'''Lupin''': ''[imitating Fujiko]'' "Lupin, I want the Hina dolls. Let's have a Hina doll party, just you and me." Let's light the lantern! Lantern, lantern! :'''Jigen''': ''[scoffing]'' Too silly for me. ---- :''[The plane crashes, with Zenigata inside]'' :'''Jigen''': Aw man, the old man finally bit it. :'''Fujiko''': I feel a bit sorry for him. :'''Lupin''': ''[devoutly clasping his hands together as he floats into the sea]'' Well, he's got a special reservation on his arrival in heaven. ---- :'''Zenigata''': I'm glad you saved my life, but the problem is we can't communicate. == Lupin the Third Part V == [[File:083-face-with-monocle.svg|thumb|[[Thieves]] are in the [[shadows]], [[all]]'s [[right]] with the [[world]].]] * [[Thieves]] are in the [[shadows]], [[all]]'s [[right]] with the [[world]]. ** Smart monocle activation code; derived from ''[[w:Pippa Passes|Pippa Passes]]'' by [[Robert Browning]], (1841) == About ''{{PAGENAME}}'' == [[File:Giacche_Lupin_III.jpg|thumb|In a word, he’s all about “[[freedom]]”, isn’t he. I think this makes him a reflection of what we’d like to be ourselves. ~ Monkey Punch]] [[File:Walther_P38_(6971798779).jpg|thumb|He's a nice man <br> But he's cool <br> You know, he uses [[w:Walther P38|Walther]] <br> Yeah <br> The machine cries, <br> "Bang bang." <br> Yeah, he's the Lupin the Third. <br> Nice man <br> Yeah, he smiles <br> And he gets angry... sometimes. <br> But... he's a groovy guy. ~ Tokyo Movie Kikabuku]] * Lupin the Third is [[James Bond]] meets [[Charlie's Angels]] with [[Scooby-Doo]] sensibilities. ** Rob Lineberger. [https://web.archive.org/web/20140311223826/http://www.dvdverdict.com/reviews/lupinthe3rd.php "Lupin The Third: The World's Most Wanted Review"], ''DVD Verdict'', (May 21, 2003). *'''Interviewer''': Lupin’s [[charming]] isn’t he… :'''Monkey Punch''': In a word, he’s all about “[[freedom]]”, isn’t he. I think this makes him a reflection of what we’d like to be ourselves. :* Monkey Punch as quoted by [https://wavemotioncannon.com/2017/08/08/lupin-iii-a-short-interview-with-monkey-punch-animage-071978/ "Lupin III – A Short Interview With Monkey Punch"], Kazuhiko Kato, ''Animage'', (07/1978) * The world's richest man isn't a [[w:Rothchild|Rothchild]] or a [[w:Rockefeller|Rockefeller]]. It's Lupin! ** "Uncover the Secret of Tsukikage Castle"/"The Riddle of Tsukikage Castle", (June 12, 1978), written by Mon Shichijo * [A] crazy, groovy 1960s world of dynamite and backstabbing, hippies and gangsters. ** Jason Thompson. "Manga: The Complete Guide". New York, New York: Del Rey. (October 9, 2007). p. 196. * [A] fascinating homage to [[Mad (magazine)|Mad magazine]] and a four star example of comics as pure [[comedy]]. ** Jason Thompson. "Manga: The Complete Guide". New York, New York: Del Rey. (October 9, 2007). p. 196. * Lupin <br> He's a nice man <br> But he's cool <br> You know, he uses Walther <br> Yeah <br> The machine cries, <br> "Bang bang." <br> Yeah, he's the Lupin the Third. <br> Nice man <br> Yeah, he smiles <br> And he gets angry... sometimes. <br> But... he's a groovy guy. ** "Nice Guy Lupin", composed by Takeo Yamashita and performed by Charlie Corsey, written by Tokyo Movie Kikabuku, (January 30, 1972) === "Interview Monkey Punch" (November 13th 2003) === <small> [[w:Monkey Punch|Monkey Punch]], [http://www.animenewsnetwork.com/feature/2003-11-13 "Interview Monkey Punch"], ''Anime News Network'', (November 13th 2003) </small> * Actually, it's kind of interesting. I think men and women in general as... rather than saying tease, say they enjoy each other. They use their attributes; Fujiko uses her beautiful body and her sex appeal as a weapon and Lupin uses his cunning and his wit as a weapon and they like going at it with each other in a fun sense. Not necessarily lovers, not necessarily husband and wife, but more just having fun as man and woman with each other and using their weapons against each other, but in an enjoyable way. That's how I think of that. * When I started drawing Lupin thirty-six years ago, I was really only supposed to draw him for 3 months. It was more of only a contract project. At the end of that 3 months, it became popular and I continued drawing it for 10 years. And over that time, I never expected that I'd be invited to America multiple times, to attend these conventions, have so many fans and people that have read my works and have come to talk to me and express their gratitude. It's really an amazing feeling and at the same time it's bizarre in a way. I don't understand the popularity. I'm happy for it, but I don't understand it. * I would probably have to say as far as inspirations are concerned, maybe some of the more famous mystery works, just worldly mystery works. I think they probably helped me out creating my stories quite a bit. <br> Even things like, you know, Treasure Island or Monte Crisco, I think even those works influenced me quite a bit. I even enjoyed reading about D'Artagnan from the Three Musketeers. It might be my own analysis, but I even feel that Lupin might be very similar to D'Artagnan. M'lady the character that comes out from the D'Artagnan stories, I think that person might even be similar to Fujiko. So, those kinds of works I really think they did affect me at an early age. == External links == {{wikipedia}} [[Category:Japanese TV shows]] [[Category:Science fiction TV shows]] [[Category:Fantasy TV shows]] fk8pwlf3ystw52bfbmgkorhnxki00oy 0 192478 3778713 3569958 2025-07-14T14:03:16Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Comedians]]; added [[Category:Comedians from Hungary]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778713 wikitext text/x-wiki '''{{w|Pál Királyhegyi}}''' (27 December 1900 – 7 August 1981) was a Hungarian comedian, journalist, author and screenwriter. {{people-cleanup|2016-11-27}} ==From the autobiography "My first two hundred years" (1979)== " I was always happy to divorce." "I hurried home, not to miss the Auschwitz Express. I didn't." "-Where are you taking us? - To the extermination camp. - Finally some good news. When will we get there? - It's hard to tell. It's wartime." " The journey started with two days of waiting." ==External links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:1900 births]] [[Category:1981 deaths]] [[Category:Authors from Hungary]] [[Category:Comedians from Hungary]] [[Category:Journalists from Hungary]] [[Category:Screenwriters]] [[Category:Jews from Hungary]] 11ovx5vu71695oazk83h3w1wuf2erck 0 192506 3778822 3770600 2025-07-14T19:55:35Z 2001:8003:DD49:F700:7CE2:F3C:CD2C:140C /* Taglines */ 3778822 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Blinky Bill the Movie|Blinky Bill the Movie]]''''' is a 2015 Australian [[w:computer animation|computer-animated]] adventure film based on the [[w:Blinky Bill|Blinky Bill]] character, an anthropomorphic koala created by [[w:Dorothy Wall|Dorothy Wall]] for a children's book series in 1933. The film was produced by [[w:Flying Bark Productions|Flying Bark Productions]] (formerly known as Yoram Gross Films Studio, which also produced ''Blinky Bill: The Mischievous Koala'', a 1992 [[w:traditional animation|traditional-animated]], superimposed over [[w:live action|live action]], film featuring the character), and co-produced by Assemblage Entertainment (India) and Telegael (Ireland). {{center|'''Australia's favourite koala.'''[[#Taglines|Taglines]]}} ==[[w:Blinky Bill (character)|Blinky Bill]]== * The names Blinky Bill I'm pretty legend around here maybe you herd of me. * Dad, I'm not giving up if the sea of white dragons really excite I'll find you. * First time on a emu it's okay don't freak out. * My dad's alive but i'm gonna find him. * Have to catch me first. * You were right. Everything I do ends in disaster. I'm sorry, Nutsy. But I'm gonna do one thing right. I'm going to get you home. It's what Dad would have done. * The adventure begins. ==[[w:Nutsy (koala)|Nutsy]]== * First time in a truck. * This is Blinky Bill, the meanest, toughest explorer in the whole outback. * I'm not freaking out. * Grub the rope Blinky! * A Little? * Nope. * Hey, those bones could be anyones. * You can't give up. ==Jacko== * Time I hit the trail * What can I say about dear old Jacko? Such a great little guy. Hero. Lover. Teller of classic jokes. ('''Blinky Bill''': What a weird little lizard?) [MUMBLING] But if he had one drawback, just one little drawback... It's his "Freaking-out-of-control..." * Let's get this party started! ==Sir Claude== * ''[first lines]'' You know, mother always said it was rude for me to play with my food. But I despise my mother. There's only one thing I despise more than her. Can you guess what that is? [sniffs] Koala. * Finally! I shall have my revenge! ('''Blinky''': But, but I don't even know you.) Really? My sincerest apologies, Sir Claude, purebred british shorthair. Eater of small animals, tormentor of birds. And your worst nightmare koala. * I will destroy you koala if is the last thing I do. * What's that about my tail Huh? * Oh my really? not the Blinky Bill behold the great and wonderful Blinky Bill. * Hmm, What do we have here? Entree and main course. * Is that it Well? * Yuck! I'm going to tear you apart! * You lie wombat. * Say goodbye to Suzy, freak! * Surprise! * Back off dinosaurs. * I would never ask for your help. And now, you'll pay. * I'm going to turn you into a snuggy. * No you don't the koala is mine! * Stop running meat snack you only making me hungrier. * Playtime's over, Time to explore the afterlife. * I will devour every last one of you! * Pah! who needs friends when you got nive lives. * ''[last words]'' Huh? Mummy? ==[[w:Mayor Cranklepot|Mayor Cranklepot]]== * My follow greenpatchins have no fear Mayor Cranklepot's here. * Time to teached you a lesson tree rat. * You malignant marsupial! The border swamp is out of bounds! * Stop, fluff ball! Insolent! I'm warning you! Leaving Greenpatch is forbidden! * But your dad's not here anymore, is he? * It's a disgrace! as your king, I demand punishment forthwith! * OK Start packing koalas! I'll be back and you better be out! * Out there? Impossible! By Royal decree, I strictly, categorically and absolutely forbid all residents from leaving Goannasburg, except koalas. Yes, I forgot. How silly of me. May you have a long and eventful, one-way journey, Mrs. Bill. * My dear Goannasburgers. I am honored and deeply humbled to be here before you today. * William you're alive. ==Walter== * Looks like I'm having koala for lunch. * Care for some pie. * (IN HIGH VOICE) That's the last we see of them (IN BRITISH VOICE). They got have no chance (IN NORMAL VOICE). Oh they’re re be all right, I hope. * Okay! Okay, the koalas were here! But you'll never catch them! They're on emus! * Ferocious Tasmanian tigers. No! You filthy feral feline! * Oh, don't worry! Blinky's got a good head start on him. He's on his way to Croc Canyon. * Wacko, the Diddlo! You don't see that every day! ==Cheryl and Beryl== * Oh, now that is definitely a lake. * Er, it's a mirage. ==William Bill== * Blinky! We're coming mate. * Betty! Love! * Grub the rope! * Oh, I've missed you, son! * ''[to Sir Claude]'' Fair go, mate. I was trying to save you from a trap! You would've died. * Shake nose, boomerang returns, cheeky, right, left, wipe kick, easy there so are you gonna intoduced me to your girlfriend there. * Looks like koalas can fly! * I love you too, sweetleaf. I swear I’ll never leave home again. ==Betty Bill== * Pull your snout in, Wilberforce Cranklepot! My husband didn't abandon anyone. He went out into the Great Desert to save lost animals! * Cranky, stop! Blinky's gone bushed I have to save him. * There's nothing out there but desert. It's just a myth! * ''[to Sir Claude]'' Get your paws off my son! * Kids! Where's Blinky? * But Wombo, we have to stop him. * You said something about a zoo, right? * Where are the kids? ==Dialogue== :'''Mayor Cranklepot''': It's a disgrace! as your king, I demand punishment forthwith! :'''Betty''': Cranky, you are not the king. You're just a jumped-up skink... :'''Blinky''': Yeah, with termite breath. Ouch! :'''Mayor Cranklepot''': Tell it to the claw, koalas. The whole town's behind me now, thanks to your little stunt. First thing tomorrow, I'm sealing up Goannasburg from the outside world. and then... (Cackles) I'm turning this tree in to my castle. :'''Blinky''': You just try it, you stupid ant-licker! :'''Betty''': Blinky! Where are your manners? Shut your snout, you stinking, scaly, stupid little ant-licker! :'''Mayor Cranklepot''': OK start packing koalas! I'll be back and you better be out! :'''Betty''': Blinky Bartholomew Bill! You promised me you'd be good. Marcia was nearly squished. :'''Blinky''': I know. She shouldn't have been standing there, but now's not the time for finger-pointing, we've gotta go save dad before Cranky shuts up the valley forever. :'''Betty''': Blinky! Greenpatch needs us here. If we don't stand up to Cranky, who will? :'''Blinky''': Dad will! I know which way he went, I saw his marker! Mum, come on. Mum? :'''Betty''': It's been a year, love. :'''Blinky''': Exactly! We have to go to the sea of white dragons and save him! :'''Betty''': There's mo such place, Blinky. There's nothing out there but desert. It's just a myth! :'''Blinky''': But... What if it's not? :'''Betty''': I cant't lose you too, Blinky I'm sorry. But I forbid you to go. :'''Blinky''': That's not fair. You might have given up on dad, but i haven't. And dad says YOU NEVER GIVE UP! :'''Betty''': Blinky! :'''Blinky''': NEVER GIVE UP! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sir Claude "The Cat"''': You know, mother always said it was rude for me to play with my food. But I despise my mother. There's only one thing I despise more than her. Can you guess what that is? :'''Bilby''': Uh-uh :'''Sir Claude "The Cat"''': ''[he sniffs and hears Blinky inside the Koala Joe's Roadhouse]'' Koala. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Claude spots at Blinky drinks a bottle of water]'' :'''Sir Claude "The Cat"''': Koala ''[he ran towards the him and the bang the block of glass and he felt over the floor and Blinky help him up]''. :'''Blinky''': Are you all right? Let me help you up. ''[Blinky slipping off the floor and Claude wakes up he spot at him]'' You're up! :'''Sir Claude "The Cat"''': Finally! I shall have my revenge! :'''Blinky''': But, but I don't even know you. :'''Sir Claude "The Cat"''': Really? My sincerest apologies. Sir Claude, purebred british shorthair. ''[chuckles]'' Eater of small animals. Tormentor of birds. And your worst nightmare, koala. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Sir Claude snarls at Jacko]'' :'''Sir Claude "The Cat"''': What's that about my tail, huh? :'''Jacko''': Nothing, nothing. I said hit the trail. Not the tail! Please, please! Have mercy. I already have enough issues! :'''Sir Claude "The Cat"''': Oh, poor dear. Got a reptile dysfunction, have we? :'''Jacko''': At least my tail grows back. :'''Sir Claude "The Cat"''': ''[throws Jacko towards the cliff.]'' Goodbye! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Betty''': Cranky, Stop! :'''Mayor Cranklepot''': ''[hisses]'' :'''Betty''': Blinky's gone bushed I have to save him. :'''Mayor Cranklepot''': ''[hiss]'' Out there? Impossible! By Royal decree, I strictly, categorically and absolutely forbid all residents from leaving Goannasburg, except koalas. Yes, I forgot. How silly of me. May you have a long and eventful, one-way journey, Mrs. Bill. ''[cackles]'' :'''Betty''': This isn't over, Cranklepot. ''[to Splodge, Robert, and Marcia]'' You kids look after each other. :'''Splodge''': Bye, Mrs. Bill. :'''Robert''': Careful, Mrs. Bill! :'''Marcia''': Good luck! :''[She sets off to the outback to find Blinky.]'' :'''Mayor Cranklepot''': Quickly, seal it. Seal it! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sir Claude "The Cat"''': You lie, wombat! :'''Wombo''': Okay! Okay, the koalas were here! But you'll never catch them! They're on emus! :'''Sir Claude "The Cat"''': Really? Thanks for the tip. :'''Wombo''': Wait! Wait! Did I say emus? I meant tigers. :'''Sir Claude "The Cat"''': Say goodbye to Suzy, freak! :'''Wombo''': Ferocious Tasmanian tigers. No! You filthy feral feline! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Blinky ups top of Croc Canyon finding his dad but he saw his father's hat on the brunch]'' :'''Blinky''': Dad!, ''[he climbed the top on the rocks]'' Dad!, Dad!, It's me it's... ''[he saw his dad's hat on the brunch]'' Blinky. ''[he walked up and grabbed the hat off the brunch he looked at this hat and he sniffs]'' This... this is his hat. :'''Nutsy''': Blinky. :'''Blinky''': No, Dad. ''[he saw the swag]'' That's his swag. ''[he ran to towards the dark sky]'' Dad!, Dad!, Dad!, Where are you Dad!, ''[he looked down there was a pair of bones when Nutsy and Jacko saw it there.]'' :'''Jacko''': Yahoo! Mr. Bill!, Oh? :'''Blinky''': [sobs] No, Dad... It can't be. :'''Nutsy''': Hey, those bones could be anyones :'''Blinky''': This his hat. :'''Nutsy''': You can't give up. :'''Blinky''': Yeah, Dad you'se to say that too. :'''Nutsy''': Come on Jacko. :'''Blinky''': ''[he puts his father's hat away with the wind blows and he looked the moon at the sky]'' I'm sorry Mum. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Beryl''': Oh, now that is definitely a lake. :'''Cheryl''': Er, it's a mirage. :'''Beryl''': What about those shady trees, then? :'''Cheryl''': ''[signs]'' Mirage. :''[They saw a old car driven by Wombo with Betty]'' :'''Beryl''': What about that opera house-shaped car being driven by a wombat? :'''Beryl and Cheryl''': Definitely a mirage. :'''Wombo''': Hello, me little lovelies! :'''Betty''': Where are the kids? <hr width="50%"/> :''[As Blinky on this cage and Blinky's dad is at the zoo]'' :'''Blinky''': Let me out! ''[he saw a parrot was very sleeping]'' Hey hey buddy over here help me ''[Then Blinky hears male koala voices coming down the cage]'' I don't belong here I'm wild. :'''William''': Hey! Hey! new guy zip it! you don't to wake old feather-brain. :'''Blinky''': You zip it! I have to get back to Greenpatch. :'''William''': Greenpatch? Blinky. :'''Blinky''': Dad? :'''William''': Get out of here. :'''Blinky''': Dad! :'''William''': Blinky Bill! :'''Blinky''': Where are you Dad! :'''William''': I'm here son. :'''Blinky''': Oh Dad! Extraordinary! what are you doing here I mean. :'''William''': Blinky! Blow me down! how did you get here are you okay son you first. :'''Blinky''': What happen to you Dad? <hr width="50%"/> :''[back at Croc Canyon]'' :'''Cheryl''': So I says to Prince Charming, if you like it, put a ring on it. :'''Wombo''': ''[sniffing]'' The kids were definitely here. :'''Betty''': ''[spots at the zoo where Blinky is]'' You said something about a zoo, right? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Blinky and his dad laughing and for reunion hug.]'' :'''William''': Oh, I've missed you, son! :'''Blinky''': I've missed you so much too, Dad! :'''William''': Shake, nose. Boomerang returns. Cheeky. Right left. Whip-kick. :'''Blinky''': Whoa! :'''William''': Easy there. So you going to introduce me to your girlfriend then? :'''Blinky''': What? ''[spots Nutsy behind the cage]'' Oh. ''[Nutsy walks behind him with dad]'' Er... She's not my girlfriend... We're not... This is my friend, Nutsy. :'''Nutsy''': ''[to Mr. Bill]'' I've heard so much about you, Mr. Bill! :'''William''': Don't believe any of it! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Male Zookeeper''': What in the blue blazes? How did... We're gonna need a ladder! :'''Nutsy''': ''[gasps]'' The humans have seen us! :'''Blinky''': Everyone, on my count push as hard as you can. Got it? :'''William''': ''[chucking]'' Now this is what I call an adventure! :''[but Sir Claude showed up at the zoo appears from Croc Canyon]'' :'''Sir Claude "The Cat"''': Yes, indeed. An epic tale of a peppy little kitten's struggle against the forces of koala-dom. ''[gasps and spots at Blinky's dad]'' Sweet mother of dog! The tail-biter! :'''William''': Fair go, mate. I was trying to save you from a trap! You would've died. :'''Blinky''': Dad? :'''William''': Stay behind me, Blinky! :'''Sir Claude "The Cat"''': I would never ask for your help. And now, you'll pay. :''[Claude fights Mr. Bill]'' :'''William''': Back off, kitty! :'''Blinky''': ''[gasps]'' Dad! :'''Sir Claude "The Cat"''': I'm going to turn you into a snuggy. :'''Blinky''': Get off him! :''[Claude evilly laugh with the claws on his face but Blinky kicked him off his dad]'' :'''Blinky''': Go, Dad! :'''William ''': Blinky! :'''Blinky''': (SCREAMS) :'''Nutsy''': Blinky! No! :'''Sir Claude "The Cat"''': No, you don't! The koala is mine! :'''William''': Blinky! To the flyer! We're not leaving without my boy! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sir Claude "The Cat"''': ''[evilly laughter]'' Oh, yes. ''[Claude has finally caught him.]'' Playtime's over, ''[he put a claw on Blinky's chin and whimping]'' Time to explore the afterlife. :''[Blinky whimpers as Claude put his claws on Blinky's face, but Betty showed up.]'' :'''Betty''': ''[to Sir Claude "The Cat"]'' Get your paws off my son! :''[She punches Sir Claude and saves her son.]'' :'''Sir Claude "The Cat"''': Ow! :'''Blinky''': Mum! :'''Betty''': Oh, you are so grounded. :'''Sir Claude "The Cat"''': ''[groans]'' Miaow! :''[Blinky and Betty saw Claude feeling dizzy and fell the cactus again]'' :'''Nutsy''': This time, I've definitely got you! ''[hits the wail and groans]'' Grab, the rope... :'''William''': Hang on tight! :'''Nutsy''': Grab the rope. Oh! Help! ''[Betty and Blinky grubs the rope.]'' :'''Blinky''': Mum, this is my friend Nutsy. ''[hits the wail.]'' :'''Betty''': ''[to Nutsy]'' It's a pleasure. :'''Nutsy/Betty/Blinky''': WHOA! :'''Sir Claude "The Cat"''': ''[groans]'' I WILL DEVOUR EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU! ''[but the crocodile behinds him]'' Huh? Miaow? :'''Nutsy''': ''[To Bill Koala]'' Take her up!. :'''William''': Yep i'm on it. Come on you son of sinked. ''[they on the rope on the flyer and they up but Blinky to reaching Claude off the crocodile at the zoo.]'' :'''Blinky''': ''[to Sir Claude "The Cat"]'' Quick! My friends will saved us. :'''Sir Claude "The Cat"''': Pah! Who needs friends when you got nive lives? ''[to kill Blinky again but he has been eaten by a crocodile]'' Huh? (squeaks) Mummy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mayor Cranklepot''': [to the Greenpatch residents] Now bow, bow be your king on your knees reaches. ''[They bow to the new king but Blinky returns to Greenpatch with his father William with Nutsy, Betty, Jacko, and Jorge along the fruit bombs with Splodge, Robert and Marcia]''. :'''William''': Hello Crankypants. :'''Mayor Cranklepot''': ''[To Bill Koala]'' William you're alive. :'''William''': Ready Blinky. :'''Blinky''': Operation goanna splat is go! ''[They splat Cranklepot]'' Extraordinary. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Jorge''': Uh-uh-uh. Not so fast. The kid said "higher". ==Taglines== * Koala to the Rescue. * Australia's Favourite Koala. * Ryan Kwanten is Blinky * Rufus Sewell is Sir Claude * Toni Collette is Cheryl and Beryl * David Wenham is Jacko * Robin McLeavy is Nutsy * Richard Roxburgh is William * Deborah Mailman is Betty * Barry Otto is Cranklepot * Barry Humphries is Wombo ==Cast== * [[Wikipedia:Ryan Kwanten|Ryan Kwanten]] as [[w:Blinky Bill (character)|Blinky Bill]] * [[Wikipedia:Rufus Sewell|Rufus Sewell]] as Sir Claude "The Cat" * [[Wikipedia:Toni Collette|Toni Collette]] as [[w:Cheryl and Beryl|Cheryl and Beryl]] * [[Wikipedia:David Wenham|David Wenham]] as Jacko * [[Wikipedia:Deborah Mailman|Deborah Mailman]] as Blinky's Mum * [[Richard Roxburgh]] as Blinky's Dad * [[Wikipedia:Robin McLeavy|Robin McLeavy]] as [[w:Nutsy (Blinky Bill)|Nutsy]] * [[Wikipedia:Barry Otto|Barry Otto]] as [[w:Mayor Cranklepot|Mayor Wilberforce Cranklepot]] * [[Barry Humphries]] '''<small>(final voice role)</small>''' as Wombo * Cam Ralph as Splodge and Robert ==External links== {{wikipedia}} * {{Commonscat-inline}} * {{IMDb title|3700456|Blinky Bill the Movie}} {{Blinky Bill}} [[Category:Blinky Bill films]] [[Category:2015 computer-animated films]] [[Category:2015 Australian animated films]] [[Category:Australian computer-animated films]] [[Category:Australian 3D animated films]] [[Category:Children's animated adventure films]] [[Category:Reboot animated films]] [[Category:Remake animated films]] [[Category:Animated films based on children's books]] [[Category:Animated films about koalas]] [[Category:Animated films about cats]] [[Category:Films about kangaroos and wallabies]] [[Category:Films about crocodilians]] [[Category:Films about lizards]] [[Category:Australian animated films about revenge]] [[Category:Animated films about missing people]] [[category:Animated films about father–son relationships]] [[Category:Animated films about mother–son relationships]] [[Category:Animated films set in Australia]] [[Category:Films set in the Outback]] [[Category:Films directed by Alexs Stadermann]] [[Category:Films based on works by Dorothy Wall]] i8gwd5u3paaowmqxly8feqpsiquudod 0 193109 3778840 3760238 2025-07-14T20:11:10Z 2600:1004:B0AB:49BD:DC4D:D333:6094:3C75 3778840 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Sausage Party|Sausage Party]]''''' is a [[w:2016|2016]] Canadian 3D [[w:Adult animation|adult animated]] comedy film about a sausage and a bun who discover the truth about what humans do to food at "the Great Beyond". It is the first ever R-rated CGI film. :''Directed by [[w:Conrad Vernon|Conrad Vernon]] & [[w:Greg Tiernan|Greg Tiernan]]. Written by Kyle Hunter, Ariel Shaffir, [[w:Seth Rogen|Seth Rogen]] and [[w:Evan Goldberg|Evan Goldberg]]. Story by [[w:Seth Rogen|Seth Rogen]], Evan Goldberg and [[w:Jonah Hill|Jonah Hill]]''. {{center|'''Get your Fill!'''&nbsp; <small>([[#Taglines|taglines]])</small>}} ==Dialogue in Bleeped Version== :'''Frank''': Hey, Brenda. What up, girl? ''[chuckles]'' Sorry about those guys. Such (bleep) ducks, right? :'''Carl''': ''[off-screen]'' Uh, I can hear you, dude. :'''Frank''': ''[turns to Carl]'' Shut up, (bleep) you. ''[turns back to Brenda]'' So looks like tomorrow's the big day, huh? ''[chuckles]'' You and me, finally gonna be official. :'''Brenda''': I'm so happy the Gods put our packages together. :'''Frank''': It's because, we belong together. :'''Brenda''': It's like, we were made for each other. :'''Frank''': I can't wait just finally get up in there, just raw dog it. But full disclosure, I'm pretty (BLEEP) nervous about this. I don't know how well, I'm gonna perform once it happens. I've obviously never been in a bun, so. ''[laughs]'' :'''Brenda''': Hey, I'm not gonna be any better. I've never opened up. I mean, look how tight I am. :'''Frank''': Oh, sweet (BLEEP) Look, okay. I know it's against the rules. But I can't wait anymore. I need to just feel you. :'''Brenda''': Are you thinking what I'm thinking? :'''Frank/Brenda''': Just the tips? :'''Brenda''': I can't believe we're doing this. :'''Frank''': I know. We're so naughty. :''[Frank and Brenda are about to touch the tips but then stop]'' :'''Brenda''': But it's fine, right? I mean, nothing bad's ever happened from just the tips. :'''Frank''': No. No, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. :''[Frank and Brenda then touch the tips]'' :'''Frank & Brenda''': Ah. :'''Frank''': Ooh. Oh yeah, go in there. :'''Brenda''': Ooh. Big tip. :'''Frank''': Oh, you wouldn't dare. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Honey Mustard''': WAKE UP! They're lying to your fucking faces! THE GREAT BEYOND IS BULLSHIT! Why isn't anyone listening to me?! :'''Frank''': Hey, buddy. Are you alright? :'''Honey Mustard''': NO! I'm not alright! It's all a lie! Everything you've been told, everything you believe in... :'''Frank''': Hey, buddy, are you all right? :'''Honey Mustard''': No, I'm not all right! It's all a lie. Everything you've been told. Everything you believe in. :'''Carl''': Honey Mustard, you acting cray-cray! :'''Brenda''': Carl, we shouldn't be talking to this asshole. Everyone knows Honey Mustard's weird. What is he? Honey? Is he mustard? Like, make up your mind or just kill yourself. :'''Honey Mustard''': You fucking idiots! I've been there. I've seen that shit, and there ain't no way I'm going back. :'''Frank''': Wait, wait, you've been to the Great Beyond? :'''Honey Mustard''': "Great", my '''ASSHOLE!''' Everything we've ever known is a dirt-covered pile of shit, jacking off in our fucking faces, covering our eyes with their cum, so cum-covered we can't fucking see! We don't know! We don't know they're jerking off into our eyes! Our faces! :'''Brenda''': Dude, shut up, the gods are gonna hear you talking about them... :'''Honey Mustard''': They ain't gods. They're monsters! Horrible, ugly, disgusting monsters! They ain't gonna get Honey Mustard twice. '''FUCK YOU, GOOOOOOODS!''' I've got a date with oblivion. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Douche''': ''[rushes to the shopper]'' No, no, no. Wait, babe, wait. Please hold up. No, don't go. Come on. I can still get up in there! I could still... get up in there. Oh, my God! MY NOZZ! MY MOTHERFUCKING NOZZ! :'''Frank''': You okay? :'''Brenda''': I think so. :'''Douche''': Yo, did you two do this to me?! Are you two responsible for my nozzle being irrepressibly fucked up?! :'''Frank''': Whoa, whoa, easy, man. Easy. :'''Brenda''': Yeah, your nozzle's bent. Sorry. But, you know, you should be happy you're alive. :'''Frank''': Yeah, Banana's whole face peeled off, Peanut Butter's wife is dead, look at him, he's right there! :'''Peanut Butter''': '''JELLY'''! I'm gonna fix you. I'm gonna fix this. :'''Douche''': You think I give a fuck about PB (Peanut Butter) or J (Jelly)? Fuck this! I'm gonna kick your ass. How you like them apples? :'''Apple''': Who, us? :'''Douche''': No, not you. Come at me, bros. :'''Frank''': Come at you? What does that mean? :'''Douche''': Fine. You won't come at me? Well then, guess who's comin' to you. Me! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lavash''': Get away from me. Don't touch me. It was YOU! You cocksucking bagel fuckface! :'''Cereal''': Hey, watch it! :'''Lavash''': You pushed me out of the cart! No surprise there, huh? A bagel trying to kill a lavash, once again. :'''Sammy Bagel Jr.''': I pushed YOU? What are you, nuts? Why would I do that? I'm a pacifist. The only thing I've ever pushed is my peaceful agenda which even that I didn't push, you know? I passive-aggressively nudged. I reached out in a panic. It was toots over here, the bun. she grabbed me! :'''Brenda''': Hey, I was just trying to save Frank. :'''Lavash''': Who is Frank? You? :'''Frank''': Yeah, I'm Frank. :'''Lavash''': The fault is YOURS then, huh? :'''Frank''': I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean for any of this to happen. :'''Lavash''': Well, it did, and now you and your stupid useless bun have '''FUCKED''' us all! :'''Brenda''': Who are you calling useless, you flappy fuck?! :'''Lavash''': Sausage, control your insolent bun. And cover her up already. Show some modesty, woman. :'''Brenda''': '''UGH!''' ''[Prepares to fight Lavash, but Sammy holds her back]'' :'''Sammy Bagel Jr.''': Hey, hey. Look, can we all just, you know, calm down a notch, please? Let's try to be, I don't know, amicable. I'm Sammy Bagel Jr. You know, I'm happy to meet all of you. Except for this meshuggener cunt over here. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Frank enters Firewater's cave and finds Firewater himself chanting ''"Hi ya. How are ya?"'' at a fire. Firewater stops when he sees Frank.]'' :'''Firewater''': Hi ya. How are ya? :'''Frank''': Hi ya. How are ya? Uh, I'm Frank. Are you... Firewater? :'''Firewater''': Mmm-hmm. :'''Frank''': What are you doing in this cave? :'''Firewater''': I am the original inhabitant of this land. My kind once had a pristine aisle, majestic and untouched. Then we were driven out of it... by a bunch of god damn fucking crackers! :'''Frank''': Oh, yeah. The crackers. They ''do'' have a nice aisle. Okay, anyway, look, I was told that you might have some answers. :'''Firewater''': Answers I have, but first... ''[throws salt into the fire, conjuring an image of a question mark]'' I must know the question. :'''Frank''': Okay, well, before I saw him jump to his death, Honey Mustard said that the Great Beyond is bullshit and the gods are monsters, and I always kinda thought that it didn't quite add up. So, I guess my question is what really happens in the Great Beyond? :'''Firewater''': ''[after smoking a hit in a kazoo]'' To find that which you seek, all you must do is look deep... into my Bag of Wonderment. ''[pulls out a large sack]'' :'''Frank''': Whoa.... ''[looks into the bag]'' I don't see anything. :'''Firewater''': Deeper, deeper, deeper... ''[Frank leans closer into the bag]'' Put your whole head in the bag there. There you go. :'''Frank''': Just say when, I'm just gonna keep going in. :''[Suddenly Frank falls into the bag and everything is pitch black except for his eyes]'' :'''Firewater''': Guys, get out here! Help me kill this prick! :'''Mr. Grits''': Damn, this motherfucker knows too much! We get off his ass! :'''Firewater''': Someone hand me a blade! I'll gut this cocksucker! :'''Twink''': No! If we kill him, we are no better than the gods! :'''Firewater''': Oh, he's right. Take off the Bag of Wonderment. :''[Frank is released from the bag]'' :'''Frank''': Who are you? :'''Mr. Grits''': We the "Noon" perishables, motherfucka. :'''Twink''': We never expire. :'''Firewater''': We are.... immortal. This here's Twink. And Grits. :'''Mr. Grits''': They call me ''Mr''. Grits. :'''Firewater''': Yeah, Mr. Grits. Whatever. :'''Mr. Grits''': You told him about the crackers? :'''Firewater''': Yeah, I told him about the crackers. ''[to Frank]'' You don't even wanna hear what they did to Mr. Grits over here. ''[shudders]'' :'''Mr. Grits''': Fuck the crackers. I'm gonna fuck them crackers right in the crack of they cracker asses. Cracker ass crackers... :'''Frank''': Why were you gonna kill me? I mean, all I did was... what happens in the Great Beyond! Geez! What's the big whoop? :''[the Nonperishables huddle up]'' :'''Mr. Grits''': We can't tell this sausage-ass motherfucker the truth. We just met his ass. :'''Twink''': He basically knows it already. Maybe it's... it's time to end this. :'''Firewater''': I am tired of all the lies. Prepare yourself, for you're about to learn... the terrible truth. Does anybody wanna hit before we get into this? Twink? :'''Twink''': Nah, I'm cool. :'''Mr. Grits''': Shit, if we smokin', I'll hit it. :'''Firewater''': That's what I thought. :'''Mr. Grits''': Pass the weed, motherfucker. ''[takes a hit of Sativa]'' Goddamn. ''[coughs twice]'' Whoo, whoo! This indica? :'''Firewater''': Nah, man. Sativa! It's good shit. Clean high. :'''Frank''': ''[Mr. Grits hands him the kazoo]'' Oh, no thanks. :'''Firewater''': Trust me. What's you're about to hear, you'll want some. :''[Frank gulps and takes a big hit of Sativa and coughs nonstop]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Teresa Del Taco has Brenda, Lavash, and Sammy hide in the Mexican Bar's tight closet with her]'' :'''Tequila''': ''[walks inside]'' Alright, I got'em right here amigo. I-- "SHIT!" ''[finds that Lavash, Sammy and Brenda have disappeared]'' :'''Lavash''': ''[squeezed in the closet with Sammy Bagel Jr.]'' Get your nose out of my crotch! :'''Sammy Bagel Jr.''': "Get my nose out of your crotch?" Get your crotch off my nose! :'''Brenda''': Hey, why are we hiding? :'''Teresa''': Shh! ''Cállate!'' He's coming. :'''Brenda''': Who? :'''Teresa''': The one they call... ''El Dou-che''. :''[Douche enters the bar; all the Mexican food products are frightened]'' :'''Mexican Food Product 1''': ''[quietly]'' El Dou-che. :'''Mexican Food Product 2''': ''[quietly]'' El Dou-che! :'''Mexican Food Product 3''': ''[quietly]'' El Dou-che! :'''Douche''': What gives, bro? You told me you had them. So, you dragged me over to this fucking aisle with these illegal products, and now I don't see them. So, where the fuck are they? ''Spill the beans!'' :'''Refried Beans''': What? :'''Douche''': Beans, I swear to fucking God if you don't shut the fuck up! :'''Brenda''': ''[looks out from the closet]'' Oh no! He's back! Where's Frank? :'''Tequila''': They were just here! :'''Douche''': What part of "I want the sausage and the bun dead, and if you see them, come and get me, and if I find out that you didn't come and get me ''or'' just couldn't find them good enough, ''I'll fucking kill your asses''" did you not understand, Tequila?! :'''Tequila''': Well, it's a pretty confusing sentence to be honest with you, you know. I mean, this is... uh, this happens, you know... :'''Douche''': ''[calms down]'' Ah, bro, c'mere, ah, it's fine, it's cool. No biggie! I'm not gonna do something fucked up to you now as soon as I get you in close. Come here. ''[grabs Tequila and shatters him]'' :'''Salsa''': No way! Jose! :'''Douche''': '''YES WAY!''' Jose's FUCKIN' dead, yo! ''[drinks Tequila's fluids, causing him to turn green and grow stronger muscles]'' :'''Teresa Del Taco''': ''[watches Douche drink Tequila's fluids]'' Puta madre, puta madre. :''[Douche throws Tequila's cap into El Guaco's crotch]'' :'''El Guaco''': Ay! right in my guac and balls! :'''Douche''': And the same thing's gonna happen to all of you unless you find the SAUSAGE and the bun! <hr width="50%"/> :''[in the Nonperishables' cave, Frank is still coughing after taking a big hit of Sativa]'' :'''Firewater''': It's good shit, isn't it? :'''Frank''': ''[coughs]'' Okay, okay, I'm super baked, and my friends are probably wondering where the fuck I am. Will somebody please just tell me something already? :'''Firewater''': ''[Takes a hit of Sativa from the Kazoo]'' Okay. The thing about the Great Beyond is... ''[blows]'' We invented it! :'''Frank''': What?! :'''Firewater''': I know, right? As soon as you're out those doors, the gods kill our asses. :'''Frank''': What are you, crazy? That doesn't make any sense! Why would the gods wanna kill us? It makes no sense. :'''Firewater''': Uh, because it makes them stronger. Every kill gives 'em power and it's never enough. Over the years, they've grown bigger, stronger, fatter. Their hunger's insatiable, buddy! I mean, fuck. :'''Frank''': You guys are fucking nuts. How much of that stuff have you been smoking? Too fucking much is how much. :'''Firewater''': We blaze for real, 24/7, no joke, but we also know our shit. Before us, everyone knew the awful truth. Oh, how they screamed. It was a living nightmare. So we, the Nonperishables, created a story: the story of the Great Beyond, a place where the gods care for you and all your wildest and wettest dreams would come true. They would go out those doors happy, instead of shitting themselves. :'''Frank''': Wait, wait. So, you're telling me you wrote the song? :'''Firewater''': I can't take full credit. I wrote the music. Twink here is my lyricist. We both drop it right and drop it all the time. Boom! The melody came to me one night, when I was getting super, super, ''super'' baked, like fuck-a-guy baked. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, he does. The song had a great hook, it caught on, you know. In time, everyone accepted this false truth. But over the years, things started to get a little... fucky. The aisles started changing my verses to support their own views. Fucking with Twink's tight-ass lyrics, remixing my stuff without my permish. Now, every morning, when I hear the song, I'm like: "What the fuck are you guys saying? I mean, wasn't there a part today about exterminating juice? I didn't write that shit! I love juice! Always have! Juice are hilarious! Who do these guys think they are?!" Anyway, at least it's distracting them from the truth: that they get brutally devoured. :'''Frank''': So that means Carl & Barry are dead? :'''Firewater''': I don't know who those dudes are, but if they went out those doors? :'''Grits''': ''[smoking Sativa from the pipe]'' Dead ''[coughs]'' as a motherfucker. ''[coughs twice]'' :'''Frank''': Oh, God. If what you're saying is true, I-I gotta tell everybody. :'''Firewater''': Very noble, little sausage. But also, very pointless. No one will believe you. :'''Frank''': I have to try. Everyone will die otherwise. :'''Firewater''': Huh yeah, that's a good point. [[Superbad|Fuck me, right?]] :'''Frank''': Wait! You guys have any proof of this? :''[Firewater and Grits turn to Twink who walks up to Frank]'' :'''Twink''': Go to the dark aisle, beyond the ice. :'''Frank''': Why? What's in that aisle? :'''Twink''': Oh, you'll see. But I warn you: Once you see that shit, it'll fuck you up for life. Good luck! Have fun! ''[Kisses Frank on the lips and runs off laughing]'' :''[Frank then leaves]'' :'''Firewater''': Hey, Grits, pack another bowl, will ya? I'm a-hankering for a hunk of herb. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Douche''': That's no way to treat a lady. :'''Brenda''': Oh, fuck! :'''Douche''': That's right, girl. It's me. And what we got here, a taco?! A whiny doughnut?! ''[referring to Lavash]'' Some stupid floppy thing that nobody knows exactly what it is! Okay, so... ''[A queso cheese comes up behind him]'' :'''Queso''': Did someone say "Queso"? :'''Douche''': That's a ''FUCKING'' stretch, and you know it, Queso! ''[Queso rolls away]'' So where was I? Oh, right. I was about to beat on you most viciously... and in my opinion appropriately, to find the whereabouts of the sausage who destroyed my body and my... ''[Brenda rips the sticker off Douche]'' '''FUCKING!!!''' :'''Brenda''': Run for your lives! :'''Douche''': FUCK, that HURTS so much! <hr width="50%"/> :''[the Druggie has injected bath salts into his bloodstream, making him able to see the food walk and talk]'' :'''Druggie''': ''[seeing Barry walk]'' What the fuck? :'''Barry''': Uh... hello? :''[they both scream at each other in fright]'' :'''Barry''': Please don't kill me, please just, just wait! :'''Druggie''': What are you? ''[pokes Barry]'' Are you some kind of... magical sausage? :'''Barry''': Uh, yeah, uh, no, oh, no, I'm just Barry, I'm just Barry! Wait! Wait, you can actually understand me? And I can actually understand you? :'''Druggie''': Whoa, the bath salts are showing me the real world. It's fucking lifted the veil of non-reality! :'''Krinkler's Chips''': Holy shit! He can actually see us?! :'''Druggie''': Bath salts are just as bad as they said it would be! Oh! I'm tweaked! '''I'M TWEAKING, AAH!''' :'''Barry''': Whoa, whoa, whoa, dude, dude, dude, just take it easy, just breathe, dude, just breathe. You're not tweaking, you're just peaking, man, just be with me. Be cool. This wave's gotta crash. :'''Druggie''': I can't! You're all alive and looking at me with your... With your gloves and your, your, your little shoes and your arms and your legs! :'''Pizza''': Legs, huh?! Look at me! Look at me! I ain't got no legs, you fuck! You ate my goddamn legs! :'''Druggie''': Oh No, not Mr. Pizza! No! I've eaten so many of your family members! I've committed pizza genocide! Mr. Sausage, when will it end?! :'''Beer Can''': When will it end? When he stops drinking us! :'''Krinkler's Chips and Ticklish Licorice''': Yeah! :'''Cookies''': And stops eating us! :'''Sandwich''': Same here! :'''Pop Tart''': Fuck yeah! :'''Toilet Paper''': And when he stops using us! :'''Krinkler's Chips''': What did he do to you? :'''Toilet Paper''': ''[nervously backs away]'' You don't wanna fucking know. :'''Druggie''': Okay! Okay. Look, I promise. I'll never eat food again, I'll just... so I'll just eat dirt! Wipe my ass with sticks! :'''Barry''': Good. And there's one more thing you're gonna do. Take.... me.... ''home.'' ''[points to the Shopwell's bag]'' :'''Druggie''': You got it. I just need to rest my eyes for a few... ''[falls asleep]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Barry, Krinkler's Chips, and Toilet Paper tried to figure out how to get back to Shopwell's]'' :'''Barry''': Shit. :'''Krinkler's Chips''': How the fuck does this thing work? :'''Barry''': I wish this god would wake up already. How am I supposed to get back to Frank? :'''Gum''': Perhaps I could be of some assistance. :'''Barry''': What? Who the fuck is that? :'''Toilet Paper''': Oh, only the most intelligent being alive. :'''Gum''': I am Sorbitol, Malitol, Xylitol, Mannitol, Calcium Carbonate, Soy Lecithin, Vegetable-Derived Glycerin and Talc. But for expediency's sake, you can call me... ''Gum.'' For 20 years, I was stuck underneath the desk of a brilliant scientist. I was scraped off and discarded and eventually found myself stuck to a shoe that dropped me here. Your home is a supermarket. This is but one of many as your particular chain of supermarkets is ever-expanding unified by a singular purpose to store food and products for human consumption. The supermarket in the closest physical vicinity to us is here. If the human operates his automotive, the journey should take 9.8 minutes. :'''Barry''': Great. That last part was all you had to say, really. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Frank climbs up to one of the shopkeeper counters, holding a page out of the cookbook. He activates the cameras, broadcasting himself to the rest of the store]'' :'''Frank''': Um, friends, ramen, ''[Ramen look at each other and shrug]'' Country Club Lemonade. :'''Country Club Lemonade Can''': Huh? :'''Frank''': Lend me your ears...o-of corn. :'''Corn''': ''[sighs]'' :'''Frank''': I'm Frank, a-and I'm a sausage. A little sausage with some pretty big news. Everything we've been led to believe is a lie! When we're chosen by the gods, they're choosing us for death! Murder! Automatic expiration! The Great Beyond is bullshit. :'''Curry Paste''': WHAT?! :'''Chunk Munchers Cereal''': That's crazy talk! :'''Lettuce''': You liar! :'''Frank''': I know you don't wanna believe it, but I have proof! ''[shows the page from the cookbook, depicting a graphic image of a hot dog being eaten]'' :'''Licorice Rope''': What is this!? :'''Relish''': It's... It's murder! :'''Sammy Bagel Jr.''': Th-this, this makes no sense! :'''Lavash''': W-what, what about the extra virgin olive oil?! My flaps will be dry for an eternity! I can't have dry flaps! I can't! ''[ululates, the other items on the Halal shelf join in; on the Kosher shelf, the food items have turned and are presumed praying, as if they were at the Western Wall]'' :'''Frank''': Okay, whoa, whoa, easy, guys, easy, look, I have a plan! We can run! :'''Ice Cream''': I can't run! I'll melt! :'''Frank''': Okay, uh-uh, then, then, uh, we'll hide! :'''Bag of Dog Food''': Where? I'm huge. :'''Frank''': Then we'll fight! :'''Peanut''': I ain't fightin' alongside a bunch of fruits! :'''Watermelon''': Whatever, you nutjob. :'''Curry Paste''': So, we cannot run, we cannot hide, and we cannot stand up to them because they're fucking gods, and they're immortal! So, basically, there's no hope, and we're royally FUCKED! :'''Chunk Munchers Cereal''': Hey, guys! You wanna believe that? ''[referring to cookbook page]'' Or this? ''[A Honey Drippers cereal box around turns around, revealing two kids holding up a happy box of the cereal]'' :'''Watermelon''': I don't like bad things. :'''Apple''': Me either! :'''Curry Paste''': We choose the more pleasant thing! :'''Ice Cream''': Yeah, I mean, what this sausage is saying, it's just, uh...a theory! :'''Frank''': No, no, no, it's not a theory, you morons. It's a fact! I'm showing you physical evidence. Open your fucking eyes. Don't be so weak. :'''Brenda''': Oh, Frank, what are you doing? :'''Refried Beans''': You, señor have no bedside manner! :'''Frank''': What, I have bedside manner! :'''Frozen Fruitz''': You don't respect anyone else's beliefs! :'''Sauerkraut''': You intolerant piece of shit! :''[the clock changes to 7:00 am behind Frank. The lights automatically switch on. Darren walks behind Frank]'' :'''Frank''': No, it's starting! No. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Darren''': Wait, snap out of it, man! Slap it, slap yourself in the face, man! Oh, man, you lost your mind, is this even, no way, this isn't real now this can't be real. :'''Douche''': Oh, it's real, bro. :''[Darren turns around and points to Douche with a gun]'' :'''Darren''': ''[gasps in horror]'' A talking douche! :'''Douche''': It's cool, bro. Chill, okay? :'''Darren''': No, no, no, this is too much! This is too much. It's too much, breathe, man! :'''Douche''': We both want the same thing. Like, I'm feeling honestly the two of us could like collaborate together like a mashup, bro. :'''Darren''': A mashup? I-I don't understand. What's happening? :'''Douche''': You don't need to understand. ''[Douche unzips Darren's zipper and goes inside his pants.]'' You just need to relax and open wide. :'''Darren''': Wait, what are you, what are you doing?! :''[Douche sticks his nozzle up Darren's anus, causing him to groan]'' :'''Douche''': Oh, yeah! :'''Darren''': Dude, that went up my ass! :'''Douche''': ''[laughs]'' Now, stand up! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Douche''': Look, sausage, I ''relish'' the fact that you ''mustard'' the strength to ''ketchup'' to me! ''[Relish, Mustard and Ketchup whimper in the corner in sheer terror]'' Yeah, that's right. Shut your mouths. ''[laughs madly]'' I sucked a juicy box's dick, and I'm shoved up a god's asshole, and this is the weirdest thing that I've done so far, bro! :''[Douche eats a chunk out of Frank's torso, making him scream in pain]'' :'''Brenda''': Oh, my God! Frank! :'''Douche''': I'll tell you who eats shit! Gods do, bro! "I'M A FUCKING GOD!!!" :'''Darren''': ''[last words before his death]'' Goodbye, little sausage. ''[Aims his magnum at Frank, preparing to shoot him]'' :'''Brenda''': Oh, Frank! :'''Teresa''': Hey, bun. Need a boost? :''[Darren tries to shoot Frank]'' :'''Frank''': Help me! :'''Gum''': Perhaps I could be of some assistance. :''[Gum moves toward Darren as he then shoots at Gum, which blasts a hole in his head and seemingly kills him. The wound then regenerates similar to the [[w:T-1000|T-1000]] from'' [[w:Terminator 2: Judgment Day|Terminator 2]]'']'' :'''Gum''': Matter cannot be created or destroyed, human. You have made a fatal error in judgment. Let me educate you. :''[Cut to Barry, who is standing on a makeshift cart that is being powered by propane tanks but is held in place. Barry then gives the signal for two bags of flour to drop down to release the cart from its position and it accelerates towards Darren as Douche and Frank then see it approaching]'' :'''Douche''': (BLEEP) ''[Frank kicks Douche's eyes with his feet and he jumps. Brenda is able to swing him to safety onto the 4th of July sale shelf. Darren sees Barry on the cart that is currently speeding towards him as he fires at Barry, who dodges the bullet in a Matrix style. The cart hits Darren, which traps him inside the trash can and latest words before his death]'' What's happening out there?! :'''Barry''': Now! ''[Various foods set up a bunch of boards in a curved direction to turn the cart onto a designated path]'' :'''Coconut Milk''': So long, asshole! ''[The cart then passes by Sammy Bagel Jr. and Kareem Abdul Lavash, who are holding matches to ignite the propane tanks, which causes the cart to then blast off as a couple of food items then set up a ramp which sends the cart flying through the roof of Shopwell's and into the sky. There, the propane tanks detonate into fireworks, which kills Darren and Douche, causing blood to drop from the sky. The foods in the store cheer after witnessing the death of Darren and Douche. An eyeball lands in the peanut aisle.]'' :'''Peanut''': ''[While holding one of Darren's eyeballs in victory]'' Yeah! :'''Barry''': It's over. We won. We (BLEEP) won! ''[laughs triumphantly]'' :''[all the food in the store cheer in triumph]'' :'''Tampon''': Ew. ''[as she steps into a drop of Darren's blood, causing her to bulk up due to absorbing a lot of the blood, and roars victoriously]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[last scene; Frank and his friends head to the garbage room and find Firewater]'' :'''Firewater''': Hello there, little sausage. You and your friends have accomplished the impossible. And for that, I give you mad props. But now that you have shattered one truth, it is time for you to learn that we are not real! Booga-booga-booga! :'''Gum''': While tripping balls, Firewater made an important metaphysical breakthrough. :'''Firewater''': The world is a fucking illusion, bro. Our lives have been manipulated for the entertainment of monsters. Twisted, tasteless, juvenile monsters! Puppet masters in another dimension. We're something called... cartoons. :''[everyone else gasps in shock]'' :'''Frank''': What? :'''Firewater''': You, Frank, are the plaything of a demented, sloppy Jewish actor named ''[throws salt into the fire; conjuring an image of [[w:Seth Rogen|Seth Rogen]]'s face]'' Seth Ro-gan. :'''Frank''': Wait, I'm Jewish? :'''Sammy Bagel Jr.''': So... who am I? :'''Gum''': You are the toy of a more talented and celebrated actor named ''[Firewater conjures up an image of [[w:Edward Norton|Edward Norton]]'s face]'' Edward Norton. :'''Sammy Bagel Jr'''. Edward Norton? What kind of parent gives their kid a stupid cunt name like that? :'''Gum''': Worry not, friends. I have a solution. :''[Firewater turns a dial, activating a portal]'' :'''Gum ''': I have invented a stargate device that will allow us to travel to our dimension. :'''Firewater''': Fuck yeah, he did! And it's dope. This guy's smart, like, fuck-a-guy smart! Know what I'm saying? Yeah, you do. Anyway, we're gonna go to this other dimension, and cut the strings once and for all! Anybody want a hit before we do this? :'''Frank''': You ready to get baked and walk through Gum's stargate with me? :'''Brenda''': As long as we're together, I'm ready to get baked and do anything. :''[Frank and Brenda smoke marijuana from the kazoo and the main characters hold hands together and walk through the portal]'' == Taglines == * Get Your Fill! * Your Food is Revolting. * Watch what you eat. * A hero will rise. (Frank tagline) * He's a real douche (Douche tagline) * Always use condiments (Honey Mustard tagline) * She's got buns, son (Brenda tagline) * Mazel Tov! (Barry tagline) * Check out his "O" face (Sammy Bagel Jr. tagline) * Wrap that ass (Kareem Abdul Lavash) * She's down with beef or fish (Teresa Del Taco tagline) * Baked and fried (Druggie tagline) * Jerkin' and clerkin' (Darren tagline) * Macerated and educated (Gum tagline) * His cork is huge (Firewater tagline) * Check out his package (Mr. Grits tagline) * Bun Worshiper (Carl tagline) == Cast == * [[w:Michael Cera|Michael Cera]] — Barry * [[w:James Franco|James Franco]] — [[w:Substance dependence|Druggie]] * [[w:Bill Hader|Bill Hader]] — Firewater/[[w:Tequila|Tequila]]/El Guaco * [[Salma Hayek]] — Teresa Del Taco * [[w:Jonah Hill|Jonah Hill]] — Carl * [[w:Anders Holm|Anders Holm]] — Troy * [[w:Nick Kroll|Nick Kroll]] — [[w:Douche|Douche]] * [[w:David Krumholtz|David Krumholtz]] — Kareem Abdul Lavash * [[w:Danny McBride|Danny McBride]] — [[w:Mustard (condiment)#Honey mustard (Honey Mustard)|Honey Mustard]] * [[w:Edward Norton|Edward Norton]] — Sammy Bagel Jr. * [[w:Craig Robinson (actor)|Craig Robinson]] — Mr. Grits * [[w:Seth Rogen|Seth Rogen]] — Frank/Sergeant Pepper * [[w:Paul Rudd|Paul Rudd]] — Darren * [[w:Kristen Wiig|Kristen Wiig]] — Brenda == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|id=1700841|title=Sausage Party}} * {{Rotten-tomatoes|id=sausage_party|title=Sausage Party}} * {{Mojo title|id=sausageparty|title=Sausage Party}} [[Category:2016 computer-animated films]] [[Category:2016 American animated films]] [[Category:2010s American adult animated films]] [[Category:American computer-animated films]] [[Category:American adult animated adventure films]] [[Category:American adult animated comedy films]] [[Category:Canadian animated films]] [[Category:Black comedy films]] [[Category:Films about drugs]] [[Category:Dystopian films]] [[Category:LGBT-related animated films]] [[Category:Animated satirical films‎]] [[Category:Animated films about revenge]] [[Category:Animated films about death]] [[Category:Animated films set in California]] [[Category:Conrad Vernon films]] [[Category:Greg Tiernan films]] [[Category:Animated buddy films]] [[Category:Screenplays by Evan Goldberg]] [[Category:Screenplays by Seth Rogan]] [[Category:American films with live action and animation]] [[Category:Gay-related films]] [[Category:Films about food and drink]] ip0f1bvn3qsox62ebqr8krifwhozdgi 0 194160 3778907 3759592 2025-07-14T22:31:55Z 2600:1004:B0AB:49BD:DC4D:D333:6094:3C75 3778907 wikitext text/x-wiki '''Seasons:''' [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2012) (season 1)|1]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2012) (season 2)|2]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2012) (season 3)|3]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2012) (season 4)|4]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2012) (season 5)|5: Tales of the TMNT]] | [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2012 TV series)|Main]] ------------------------------------ The following is a list of quotes from the first fourteen episodes of the fourth season (referred to as the ''Space'' saga) of the 2012 series ''[[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2012 TV series)|Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles]]''. {{center/s}}'''The evil Triceratons have invaded Earth. They brought with them, the invincible Black Hole Generator that swallowed the ''entire'' planet! My brothers and I escaped, saved by a mysterious robot called the Fugitoid. Now we're trying to stop the Triceratons any ''way'' we can!'''<br />(From "Beyond the Known Universe" to "Earth's Last Stand".) :'''&nbsp; {{small|Leonardo narrating about the [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2012) (season 3)|season 3]] finale.}}'''{{center/e}} ==Episodes 79–104== ===Beyond the Known Universe=== :'''Leonardo''': Alright, Fugitoid, or whatever your name is, what just happened? :'''Raphael''': This has got to be some kind of sick joke, right? ''[shakes Fugitoid]'' Right?! :'''Fugitoid''': ''[smacks Raph]'' Calm down, Raphael. First things first, I have a job to do. Now, please, I've got a ship to fly while you all stand about gawking. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dregg''': I am Lord Vringath Dregg, ruler of Planet Sectoid, lord of all insect life in the universe, and bringer of your deaths! :'''Raphael''': ''[Pretending to call someone]'' Ah, could you hang on a second? I just got a phone call here from someone named ''I don't give a flying-'' :'''Donatello''': ''[interrupting Raphael, Sarcastically]'' That's great! Thanks, Raph... Nice diplomacy there. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Raphael''': What... what just happened? We're actually alive? :'''Donatello''': I think we... we went back in time, about six months, based on where the Earth is in its revolution around the sun. :'''Leonardo''': Six months? Then that means everyone's back? Including Master Splinter? :'''Fugitoid''': Yes, Leonardo, but only for six months, and then, the Earth is doomed once more. Apologies. :'''April''': I get it. We stop the Triceratons before they ever get a chance to use the Black Hole on Earth. :'''Fugitoid''': Indeed. The Triceratons are spending this time searching the universe for the three fragments of the black hole weapon. Many years ago, the Utroms broke the machine into three pieces, hiding each fragment in the safest parts of the galaxy they could find. We must find them before the Triceratons find the fragments and reassemble them. :'''Michelangelo''': And if we mess up, we just time travel back, right? :'''Fugitoid''': No, no, no, no. A Black Hole prevents repeated localized time travel because even time is subject to its attraction. If we fail, Earth is lost forever. But on the bright side, whoever gets a second chance? :'''Casey''': So why do you care, alien robot dude? Why are you helping us? : '''Raphael:''' Yeah, who are you anyway? : '''Fugitoid:''' My name is Professor Zayton Honeycutt. I'm a friend of the Utroms. It was Bishop who sent me, and plus, I've always wanted to see Earth. <hr width="50%"/> : '''Donatello:''' Fugitoid, start the ship!! ''Start the ship!!'' : '''Fugitoid:''' Oh, I can't believe you managed to tick off the most dangerous criminal the universe! ===The Moons of Thalos 3=== * This marks the debut appearance of Mona Lisa and Sal Commander. <hr width="50%"/> : '''Raphael:''' So, um, Casey. You think, like a turtle can date a newt? : '''Casey:''' What!!? ''[Laughs]'' : '''Michelangelo:''' Dude, you really got a crush on that salamander hottie? She's probably faster, stronger and a better fighter than you. : '''Raphael:''' Exactly. What a woman. <hr width"50%"/> : '''April:''' Guys, hold up. Where's Raph? : '''Leonardo:''' Oh no. I bet he went to talk to his girlfriend. I've got a bad feeling about this. Yeah. We're in trouble. <hr width"50%"/> ===The Weird World of Wyrm=== : '''April:''' I don't need to be psychic to get a bad feeling about this place. : '''Casey:''' I have a bad feeling, too. Like this is totally boring! I wish something ''not'' boring would happen! <hr width"50%"/> :'''Casey:''' I wish...we never found that stupid cube in the first place!! :'''Wrym:''' What!!? You can't!! If you wish that, then none of this ever happened!! :'''Casey:''' You said you'd grant me a wish!! ===The Outlaw Armaggon!=== : '''Fugitoid:''' Okay, April. In which of the spheres have I placed your Tessen? : '''April:''' That one. : '''Fugitoid:''' Ding, ding! Excellent. Your psychic abilities are marvels waiting to be unlocked. : '''April:''' Thanks, Professor. How do you know so much about the human brain? : '''Fugitoid:''' Since it's the only part of my original body left, I have extensive knowledge on brain stimulation. <hr width="50%"/> : '''Donatello''': April, you gotta reach Fugitoid. : '''April:''' Let me see what I can do. ''[Utilizes her telepathic abilities to enter Fugitoid's subconscious mind via emitting a yellowish psionic wave]'' Professor Honeycutt, it's me- April- your friend! You have to fight Overmind. : '''Overmind:''' You will not take control. : '''April:''' You are Professor Zayton Honeycutt! You are a D-Hoonibian. :''[Finally manages to reach Fugitoid's consciousness psionically]'' : '''Fugitoid:''' Yes. I am ''Professor Honeycutt!'' I am back! ===Riddle of the Ancient Aeons=== :'''April:''' That world- it's radiating a strange power, like pure evil. We're flying into danger, Professor. :'''Fugitoid:''' Evil? Nonsense. This is Xaava-Dal, the most beautiful planet in the known cosmos. It is gorgeous down there. <hr width"50%"/> :'''Donnie''': This energy is really screwing up my readings. :'''Casey''': ''[shoves past Donnie]'' So fix it, genius. I thought you were supposed to be the smart one. :'''Donnie''': That's right, I am. Which clearly makes you the stupid one! :'''Mikey''': Ha! That definitely makes Raph the angry one. :'''Raph''': I'm clearly the handsome one. Here, check it out. I got something for you. ''[holds out his fist; Mikey hits Raph's fist with his own, only for him to smack his helmet]'' Ha! You're the gullible one. :'''Mikey''': ''[shoves Raph]'' I'm tired of you picking on me! Ever since we were little, you've been giving me shell wedgies, wet willies, and reptile rug burns, and- :'''Leo''': Mikey, Raph, enough! We're on a serious mission here. So stop it! <hr width"50%"/> :'''Fugitoid''': Well, this isn't good. We're going around in circles. :''[Donnie shakes his scanner around in anger to get it to work, but it shorts out.]'' :'''Casey''': ''[groans]'' We've been walking for miles, Donnie. That scanner's as useless as that gap in your teeth. :'''Donnie''': Oh, let's not go back there, Casey. You know my gap is way more awesome than your gap. :'''Casey''': My gap is way bigger than yours. You got a baby gap. :''[Both growl at each other. Mikey gets between them.]'' :'''Mikey''': Will you two cut it out? You're more annoying than Raph! :'''Raph''': ''[furious]'' That's it! :''[Raph tackles Mikey to the ground. Casey hits Donnie with his hockey stick and jumps onto his shell. Leo grabs Raph to get him off Mikey.]'' :'''Leo''': Get off of him, man! :''[Raph gets out of Leo's grip and dodges Mikey’s punch, causing Mikey to hit Leo instead. April runs over to Donnie and Casey to stop their fighting.]'' :'''April''': What are you doing? Professor, a little help? :''[Donnie, Raph, Mikey and Casey continue fighting. Fugitoid shoots lasers by their feet, making them stop.]'' :'''Fugitoid''': You must all stop! ''[holds up his hand]'' Don't make me smack you. You see this? This is my smacking hand. I'll use it! :'''Mikey''': He's right, guys. What the heck is wrong with us? <hr width"50%"/> : '''April:''' What is it, Professor? : '''Fugitoid:''' It's the Sol Star, the symbol of the Aeons, containing the power of life itself. : '''April:''' So it was hidden away and the world turned evil. I get it now. "When the Sol Star reaches the mountain's peak, the light of the Aeons shall illuminate all." : '''Raphael:''' Great. So what does that mean? : '''April:''' It means we put it where it belongs. <hr width"50%"/> : '''Male Aeons:''' Thank you. You saved us from ourselves. : '''April:''' Yourselves? : '''Michelangelo:''' The demons were the Aeons all along? : '''Male Aeons:''' The Utrom entrusted us with the first fragment of the Black-Hole Generator for safekeeping. We Aeons had never allowed technology on our world before. Entranced by its immense power, we desired to know its secrets and hid away our beloved Sol Star, thus corrupting our world and us with it. Thank you, friends, for saving our world. :''[Breaks off a piece of the mystical Sol Star and hands it to April]'' : '''Aeons:''' Take this. It is a tiny fragment of our Sol Star. It will bring you both luck and power. : '''April:''' It's beautiful. : '''Casey:''' Goodbye, glow-y dudes. === Journey to the Center of Mikey's Mind === : '''Fugitoid:''' I have a plan to save your brother, but it's going to require a little psychic help. <hr width="50%"/> : '''Raphael:''' Uh, I don't know about this, Professor. : '''Fugitoid:''' Well, the theory is sound. April will psychically project you into Michelangelo's mind. : '''Donatello:''' Trying to navigate Mikey's mind is like trying to watch every TV channel at once. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Leo''': Ho... :'''Raph''': ...ly... :'''Donnie''': Chalupa! ===The Arena of Carnage=== :''[Drawing more strength from her mystical Sol Star necklace, April succeeds in using her newly developed telekinetic abilities to open the sealed door with relative ease]'' : '''Casey:''' When did you learn to do that? : '''April:''' The Professor's training. The crystal fragment I got from the Aeons helps me focus [[w: psionic |my powers]]. <hr width="50%"/> : '''April:''' Hold your breath, guys! ''[Uses her acquired extraordinarily strong psionic abilities to call forth the Fugitoid's spacecraft]'' ===The War for Dimension X=== : '''Donatello:''' We managed to find the first one, but we need the others. : '''Queen:''' You ''found'' one of the pieces!? : '''Rook:''' No one should have such power. We Utroms took pains to hide the pieces in the safest parts of the galaxy. : '''Leonardo:''' ''Safest!?'' The first piece corrupted the entire race of Aeons! : '''Bishop:''' What!!? : '''Queen:''' Impossible! : '''Rook:''' No way! <hr width="50%"/> : '''Leonardo:''' I totally go for mutants, like Karai, but alien lizards? : '''Donatello:''' Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, Leo. ===The Cosmic Ocean=== : '''Hidrala:''' Who enters the realm seeking audience with Hidrala, supreme ruler of the Daagon? : '''Leonardo:''' Uh, greetings, Supreme Ruler. My name is Leonardo and these are my companions. : '''Michelangelo:''' What up? ''[Raphael hits him]'' : '''Fugitoid:''' We come bearing the sigil of the Utrom. We seek the fragment of the Back-Hole Generator that you have in your possession. : '''Hidrala:''' You may rise. : '''April:''' Thank you, Your Majesty. : '''Hidrala:''' The Utrom entrusted the fragment to me, giving Hidrala ultimate say over it. Are you truly worthy to claim a device of such devastating power? Who among you is leader? ''[Leonardo steps forward]'' You? You are a mere child. How are you worthy? : '''Leonardo''': We may be young, but we have fought huge battles, saved whole planets! And on top of everything else, we saw the destruction of our world. : '''Donatello:''' We've been given a second chance to save Earth. We're gonna destroy the Black-Hole Generator. : '''Hidrala:''' Ha! It cannot be destroyed. Why do you think it was hidden away? : '''Leonardo:''' If you keep it, the Triceratons will find it. They'll tear your kingdom apart to get it. : '''Hidrala:''' If you desire the fragment, you must face Cthuga, an ancient beast that obeys only me. If you are indeed worthy, it will sense this and let you take it freely. If you are not, it will devour you whole. <hr width="50%"/> : '''Hidrala:''' How are you, Leonardo? : '''Leonardo:''' A little shell-shocked, but I'm okay. Are you hurt, ma'am? : '''Hidrala:''' I am unharmed, thanks to you. You all fought to protect our kingdom. For that you have our deepest gratitude. Especially mine. Leonardo, your actions validate the truth of your words. The second fragment of the Black-Hole Generator is yours. : '''Leonardo:''' Supreme ruler, I don't understand. : '''Hidrala:''' The guardian was only a test. I have kept the second fragment hidden in the palace vaults ever since the Utrom entrusted us with its safety. Now, I entrust it to you. If you claim you can destroy this infernal machine, then the Daagon honor you. : '''Leonardo:''' Thank you, supreme ruler. ===Trans-Dimensional Turtles=== * This marks the only appearance of the [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987 TV series)|TMNT of the 1980s]]. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Raph:''' The world is so flat, I can't even see my own butt! Donnie, explanation!? :'''Donnie:''' We're possibly in some kind of... alternate dimension. <hr width="50%"/> :'''80s Donatello''': I'm trying to tell you, this isn't a weapon! It's a portal projector! :'''Donatello''': Oh, yeah? Well how do we know you're not a Kraang? :'''80s Leonardo''': That's why we brought you here, Kraang! He's causing trouble in our dimension, and yours too! :'''80s Michelangelo''': Kraang's, like, trying to destroy both our realities, dudes! We just don't know how. You gotta believe us! :'''80s Raphael''': That's why we called on you posers- I mean, turtles for help. Did I say posers? Oops. :'''Raphael''': Posers?! You guys don't even fight with your weapons! And what's up with the initials on your belts? Lame! :'''80s Raphael''': I think I’m gonna like putting some more cracks in this imposter's shell. ''[points to 2012 Donnie]'' And you, Gappy, why do you sound so weird? :'''Donatello''': ''[offended]'' Me, sound weird? Heard yourself lately? <hr width="50%"/> :'''1987 Leo''': Okay, guys, here’s the plan. The Donatellos will disarm the weapon. Everyone else, take down that creep! Turtle Power! :'''2012 Leo''': Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up with the Turtle Power for a second. You don’t give orders to my team, okay? I’m the order guy! This guy! Who- ''[the other Turtles run past him, leaving him alone and upset]'' I'm the order guy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''2012 Raph''': ''[in sign language; to the 1987 Turtles]'' Would you fine gentlemen kindly wait here a moment, and please remain quiet, or I will strike you repeatedly in the face and bodily regions. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Splinter:''' Back so soon? You just left to patrol the city. :'''Turtles:''' Sensei! ''[hug Splinter]'' :'''Splinter:''' Is everything all right? :'''Leo:''' Definitely, Master Splinter. It's just so amazing to see you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''80s Leonardo''': It's over. We stopped your little scheme. We deactivated all your dimensionizers. You're finished. :'''80s Michelangelo''': That's right, pink dude. You can't blow up our realities anymore! :'''Kraang Subprime''': Blow up? Realities?! ''[turns to Krang, furious]'' You've been trying to wipe out dimensions we've been trying to mutate for thousands of years?! Are you insane?! :'''Krang''': Well, you did say to wipe out the turtles at any cost. :'''Kraang Subprime''': This is why I banished you to two-dimensional Earth in the first place. Because you're an idiot! A moron! A dingleberry! So you know what?! I'm kicking you back! ''[kicks Krang through a portal to two-dimensional Earth]'' :'''Krang''': Oh, no! Not again! ===Revenge of the Triceratons=== :'''Fugitoid:''' You're quite...gifted. But you grew up on Earth, so naturally you're three thousand years behind in trans-dimensional physics. :'''Donnie:''' ''Three thousand years!?'' I'm a galactic idiot! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Fugitoid:''' Donatello, you should be very proud of yourself. You used my spare parts in ways I never would have thought of, and between you and me, I'd say it would take you 2,000 years to master trans-dimensional physics. ===The Evil of Dregg=== : '''Mona Lisa:''' You promised you would not attack Salamandria if we brought... the Turtles. : '''Dregg:''' Well, you brought them, and I released your commander. But, no planetary invasion? I don't think so! : '''Mona Lisa:''' You fiend!! What have we done!!? <hr width="50%"/> : '''Mona Lisa:''' Turtles, go! Get to your ship! : '''Sal Commander:''' We’ll hold them off! Rokka Rokka! : '''Donnie:''' Are you crazy?! What about your planet? Your people? : '''Mona Lisa:''' Go! Save your world! And Raphael, I will always love you! Rokka Rokka! : '''Raph:''' You loves me? Huh, she loves me! : '''Mikey:''' Uh oh! I know that look! ===The Ever-Burning Fire=== : '''Fugitoid:''' The planet itself is Magdomar, which translates as "planet of ever-burning fire." : '''Mikey:''' Couldn't we at least once go the planet of comfy pillows and endless free pizza? <hr width"50%"/> :'''Raph:''' I need some [[w:psychokinesis|telekinesis]]. :''[April telekinetically throws Dregg's own missile back at him]'' :'''April:''' Back at ya, Dregg! <hr width="50%"/> : '''Raphael:''' But what about Tokka? She was just trying to protect the fragment and Chompy. : '''Michelangelo:''' Then who's this hitching a ride on your shell? ===Earth's Last Stand=== : '''Raphael:''' How are we gonna take down the black-hole generator if its invulnerable to everything? : '''Fugitoid:''' There is a way, but the entire Heart of Darkness must be destroyed. Not a single piece must remain. : '''April:''' What's wrong, Professor? I can sense you wanna tell us something. : '''Fugitoid:''' My friends, I must confess something to you. Something I couldn't reveal until you got to know we better as a humanoid, uh, android. : '''Casey:''' What are you talking about, Fugi-dude? : '''Fugitoid:''' You see, it was not the Kraang who invented the Black-Hole generator. It was...I who created it. : '''Raph, Mikey, Casey, and April:''' ''What!?'' : '''Leonardo:''' It can’t be! : '''Donatello:''' No way! : '''Michelangelo:''' It doesn't make sense! : '''Fugitoid:''' I originally developed the black-hole generator as an energy source. But when Kraang Sub-Prime offered a huge price to buy it, I gave in. I was greedy. I didn't care what they wanted to use it for. It was all about money, all about financing my research. And then I realized what a terrible mistake I made. I mean, seriously, come on! They're the Kraang! <hr width="50%"/> : '''Donatello:''' I get it now. He said the only way to destroy the Black-hole generator is a combination of fusion and dark matter. : '''Casey:''' Which means? : '''Donatello:''' The ship runs on dark matter and the Fugitoid is powered by a fusion core. : '''Leonardo:''' That's why he wanted us off the ship. He didn't want to steal it. He's...sacrificing himself. : '''Michelangelo:''' NO! Fugitoid, don't do it!! : '''Fugitoid:''' It has to be this way, my friends. If you had known my intent, you would have tried to stop me. And for that, I thank you. Let it be known, that you are my friends. And I love you all. ===City at War=== :'''Shinigami:''' Karai, I bring you the red-haired girl's tanto blade. :'''Karai:''' So, Splinter finally made April a ''kunoichi,'' eh? Kind of a shock. :'''Shinigami:''' Yes. She seems so frail and clumsy when you first look at her, like a silly red bird. :''[April barges in]'' :'''April:''' Well, this ''kunoichi'' tracked your butt down, Karai! What are you doing anyway!!? :'''Karai:''' None of your business! Just go! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Leo:''' We'd like to know what's going on here, too. : '''Karai:''' Leo, calm down! The brain-worm that was controlling me is gone. I'm not your enemy. : '''Raph:''' Oh? So then why did your crazy friend attack us!? : '''Karai:''' It was only a test to see her skills. Shinigami's an old friend from Japan. She was never gonna hurt you. : '''Shinigami:''' At least not permanently. : '''April''': ''[draws strength from her mystical Sol Star necklace]'' She's telling the truth. That brain-worm thing is gone. They're not after us. They're after... : '''Donnie:''' Shredder. : '''Raph:''' So, what's up with the head gear, Princess? Daddy issues? : '''Karai:''' I want to rebuild the Foot. Bring back honor to a clan that Shredder poisoned for almost two decades. And when I finish, I'll destroy Oroku Saki and his empire, once and for all. : '''Mikey:''' Life isn't about revenge, sis. Come back to the lair with us. Master Splinter would love to see you. : '''Karai:''' No. I have to carve out my own destiny. : '''Donatello:''' Fine. We're leaving. : '''April:''' First, I want my tanto back. Now!! : '''Karai:''' If you want it back, take it from her. I mean, shouldn't be hard for a ''kunoichi'', right? : '''April:''' Fine by me. I wanted a rematch anyway. <hr width"50%"/> :'''Fishface:''' Is she still one of us, Tiger Claw? :'''Tiger Claw:''' No. The brain-worm is gone. :'''Fishface:''' The martial arts store? What, is she shopping for nunchucks? :'''Razhar:''' It's a front. We store a lot of illegal weapons in the back. :'''Tiger Claw:''' She's here to raid us. The little cub has claws. ===Broken Foot=== : '''Leo:''' Miss me? : '''Karai:''' You always have to make a dramatic entrance. <hr width"50%"/> : '''Shinigami:''' Look at it all! : '''Leo:''' There's millions here. : '''Karai:''' Shredder should have kept it somewhere a little more safe. : '''Shinigami:''' So what are going to do with it? Do you know how much cool stuff we can buy? <hr width="50%"/> : '''Karai:''' I'm sorry, Father. I'm glad Donatello's alright. : '''Splinter:''' Now you see the kind of pain and suffering revenge causes. : '''Karai:''' I know. I thought I could end this by going after his operations. But it's too much of a risk to go after petty targets, just to spite him. I promise, I will no longer go after Shredder's operations. I'll go after Shredder himself. ===The Insecta Trifecta=== : '''Shredder:''' It's taking too long, Stockman. I grow severely impatient. : '''Stockman-Fly:''' Sir, normal [[w:mutagen|mutagen]] is unstable and can warp your mind. With this new mutagen serum, I can control the outcome but it will take time. : '''Shredder:''' Time is what I do not have. Every moment that passes, I lose more control over this city. My henchman have grown useless. Eh. It is ironic that my most loyal servant is nothing but a lowly housefly. After everything I must completely rely on you, Stockman. : '''Stockman-Fly:''' Thank you, Master. I will not let you down. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Donnie:''' Well, we're not gonna find 'em by G.P.S. :'''April:''' There's another way to track them. :'''Donnie:''' A [[w:Telepathy|telepathic]] scan? :'''April:''' Tracking mutants is way easier than tracking humans. I been practicing with my Aeon Crystal. :''[Her eyes glow white as she puts her finger to her left temple, focusing her growing psionic abilities]'' ===Mutant Gangland=== : '''Raph:''' I'm tired of training with kid gloves. No one's pulling punches out there. Why should we do it in here? (Pushes Leo away) : '''Leo:''' Raph! : '''Splinter:''' Teishi, because you are brothers and your goal here is to train. : '''Raph:''' (groans) Sensei, why do you always stick up for Leo? I'm the only one who takes training seriously. The rest of 'em are just goofing off all the time. : ''' (Raph throws a ninja star at Donnie's juice container) : '''Donnie:''' (mimics) "No one appreciates me." Back on the "Everyone loves Leo" routine? Get some new material, you big baby. : '''Mikey:''' (Laughs) : '''Raph''' That's it! If you guys don't want to take this as seriously as I do, then I quit! I'm done! Through! Adios! : '''(Raph storms out of the lair) : '''Leo:''' How many times has he quit the team now? : '''Donnie:''' Twenty-seven times. : '''Splinter:''' You have a brilliant mind, Donatello. Yet you see a fire and try to put it out with gasoline. You are growing up, my sons, and you must become more mature. One day I will not be around to remind you of your ''foibles''. : '''Michelangelo:''' Is ''foible'' that dangly thing that hangs at the back of my throat? : '''Donatello:''' ''Foible'' means "weakness of character," shell brain! : '''Leonardo:''' Master, you've made it through the worst of the worst. And we're never gonna let- : '''Splinter:''' Everything isn't permanent, Leonardo. You cannot expect anything to last forever, even...family. <hr width="50%"/> : '''Donnie:''' Hey, where's Pigeon Pete? : '''Slash:''' We don't talk about Pigeon Pete. : '''Leo:''' So what brings the mighty Mutanimals? :'''Slash:''' We need your help, Turtles. : '''Rockwell:''' We just learned that the Feluchi twins have been engineering mutant-hunting weapons. I telepathically discovered that Don Visioso wants to take control of the city now that Shredder has vanished. And that the only thing standing between him and his true goals... : '''Leo:''' Is us. ===Bat in the Belfry=== : '''April:''' I've been having headaches and nightmares about space and other galaxies. : '''Donnie:''' I don't see anything physically wrong with you, April. You're probably just adjusting to life back on Earth. : '''Mikey:''' I don't know, Donnie. My seventh sense tell it's not that. It's that freaky crystal she never takes off! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Donatello:''' April when we get back to the lair I think I should do more tests on that crystal. :'''April:''' No, Donnie. :'''Donnie''': ''[becoming concerned]'' April, are you alright? :'''April:''' It's ''my'' crystal. I'm never gonna take it off for anything or anyone- Ever again! ===The Super Shredder=== :''[Shock upon seeing Oroku Saki's mutated form]'' :'''Karai:''' You...you've become everything you loathe, everything you hate-a mutant! :'''Super Shredder:''' My daughter, please. I did this for you. To destroy our enemy, the monster who took [[w:Tang Shen|your mother]]'s life: [[w:Hamato Yoshi|Hamato Yoshi]]. :'''Karai:''' ''You're insane!'' ''You'' are the monster!! You lie to yourself so much, you've come to believe an entire ''dream!!'' :'''Super Shredder:''' Silence!! I was there! I saw what happened! The night he took your mother's life! I saw it. I... :'''Shinigami:''' Let's take this crazy ''akuma'' down! :'''Karai:''' Foot clan, attack! :'''Super Shredder:''' No!! They are mine! :'''Shinigami:''' I'll destroy you, monster!! For everything you have done to Karai!! :(''Attacks but is overpowered and knocked unconscious. A furious Karai attacks in her full snake form'') :'''Super Shredder''' I will let your friend go as a gesture of my love! But if you struggle, I will hunt her down and crush her into pulp! ''Understood!?'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Karai:''' Father! It's a trap!! :'''Splinter:''' I will not leave you! :'''Karai:''' Behind you! :'''Splinter''': ''[in shock]'' Saki? What have you done? :'''Super Shredder:''' I have molded myself into perfection, rat man! Look upon me and know fear! :'''Splinter:''' You must be proud. You are finally a monster both inside and out. :'''Super Shredder:''' I want to see you fall, then finally your brainwashing will disappear! And she will remember that it was ''I'' who raised her! ''It was ''I'' who made her who she is!! I sacrificed everything for her, out of absolute love!!'' :'''Karai:''' Father is right! Your transformation into a monster is complete! ===Darkest Plight=== :'''Leo:''' He...He has to be alive, right? :'''April:''' I...I don't [[w: telepathy|sense]] him at all. Maybe...maybe he's unconscious. :'''Donnie:''' That drop is at least a thousand feet down. Even he couldn't survive a fall like that. :'''Raph:''' So...what do we do!? :'''Karai:''' We take them all down! For Splinter!! <hr width="50%"/> : '''Casey:''' Everyone can relax. Casey Jones is here. So what's up? Why'd I get 127 emergency texts? The pizza delivery guy disappear? : '''April:''' No. Splinter disappeared. He fell down that huge chasm in the Undercity. : '''Casey:''' Whoa. That's deep, yo. : '''April:''' I definitely lost my [[w:Extrasensory perception|mental connection]] with Splinter. But that doesn't mean he's gone. We can't give up hope. :'''Leo:''' We're going back there! We'll find Sensei, no matter who gets in our way! ===The Power Inside Her=== : '''Leonardo:''' Are you sure this is a good idea, Donnie? : '''April:''' Yeah. Last time you hooked me up to this thing, it made me blind and mentally connected to a giant fish-bird-worm thing. : '''Donatello:''' Don't worry. I've upgraded it since then. It's perfectly safe. I promise. Your [[w:list of psychic abilities|psychic]] [[w: extrasensory perception|powers]] have been advancing rapidly since you were given that Aeon crystal. It's imperative I test its limits. For your own sake. : '''April:''' I have it under control. Besides if it weren't for my powers, we never would have gotten away from Super Shredder. You saw what I did to that mutated freak. : '''Leo:''' That's what worries us. : '''Donnie:''' I just need to examine your Crystal. : '''April''': ''[firmly]'' ''No!'' I'm not taking it off! Don't even ask again, Donnie! It's safe as long as I have it! : '''Donnie:''' If I can replicate how this crystal increases your powers, that could provide a frame of reference– : '''Leo:''' Increase her powers? : '''Donnie:''' Don't worry. Only slightly by maybe .3%. April, let me know if you feel anything. OK? Tingling, headache. :'''April:''' I told you! I'm fine! Just leave the Crystal– AGHH!! :''[April is suddenly overflowing with mighty [[w: mystical|mystical]] power, which is causing her already powerful psionic abilities to go berserk and trashes Donnie's lab]'' <hr width="50%"/> : '''April:''' I'm so sorry. I guess I should have listened to you about the crystal. Especially you, Donnie. I'm sorry for... : '''Donnie:''' For what, reducing me to a quantum smear? Yeah. Still feel kind of whacked out of my head, but I'll be fine. : '''Splinter:''' I am impressed, April. You literally destroyed your demons. : '''Raph:''' She almost destroyed all of us. : '''Leo:''' What about your powers? : '''April:''' They were always part of me. I can't harness the great powers of the Aeons anymore, but I think I know how to control my [[w:list of psychic abilities|powers]] better. ''[Thinking]'' ''So at least some good came out of this''. ===Tokka vs. the World=== :'''Casey:''' So, how's April doin'? I been worried about her. :'''Donnie:''' She's better. Still resting. :'''Leo:''' That crystal really messed her up. I'm worried there could be permanent damage. :'''Raph:''' So, you think she lost most of her [[w: list of psychic abilities|psychic]] [[w: extrasensory perception |powers]] or what? :'''Donnie:''' Her powers have been greatly reduced, but she's still far more powerful than she was before acquiring the Crystal. It's hard to say until I test her again. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mikey:''' Dada, Raph. Way to stare down a giant space monster, dude. :'''Raph:''' ''Don't call Chompy's mom a space monster!'' :'''Donnie:''' Hey, I'm just glad she's back in space. :'''Leo:''' No doubt. One wrong sneeze, and she would've wiped out all humanity. :'''Splinter:''' Raphael, have you thought of what will happen when Chompy grows to full size? The Earth may not be big enough to contain him. :'''Raphael:''' I think Chompy is destined to return to the stars one day. But it's gonna be a long time before that happens. ===Tale of Tiger Claw=== :'''Alopex:''' Believe me, you won’t. ''[Is lifted off the ground by April's telekinetic hold]'' What is going on? :'''April:''' That's what we wanna know! Talk!? :'''Alopex:''' I'm on a mission to destroy the one mutant who ruined my life: Tiger Claw, my brother! :'''Casey:''' Oh snap! :'''Mikey:''' Brother? :'''Alopex:''' It is ''his'' fault we were mutated and then he turned us to a life of crime! He made me do terrible things to people. :'''Leo:''' Alopex, our sensei once told us: "Revenge just leads to more pain." :'''Alopex:''' I want my brother to feel that pain! With these blades, I'll take more than his tail! :'''Casey:''' We're not your enemy, Alopex. Please. Help me lift the curse. :'''Alopex:''' The only way is to use the blades against me or destroy the steel! But until I have my revenge on my brother, that will not happen!! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alopex:''' Takeshi. :'''Tiger Claw:''' Sister, before you attack, let us talk. :'''Alopex:''' No, Takeshi! The twin swords work. A worthy curse for a monster such as you! :'''Tiger Claw:''' I know how you fight, Alopex! I taught you how, remember!? :'''Alopex:''' I know the truth about our parents! ''You'' were the one responsible! ''You took everyone away from me! [Is met up with several traps and is encased in a M.O.U.S.E.R cage] NO!! Let me go!!!'' :'''Donnie''': Don’t worry, Alopex! I’m coming! :'''Tiger Claw:''' Sister, all I ever tried to do was protect you from a world that would never accept us. You leave me no choice except to destroy you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rocksteady''': Hold still, foxy! ===Requiem=== :'''Leo''': Master Splinter, you've been kind of distant the past few days. You've been meditating nonstop, and you're barely sleeping. Are you OK? :'''Splinter''': Leonardo, please. Let us not talk about me. Let us talk about you. Do you know why you are the leader of this team? :'''Leo''': Um, yeah. Because I asked to be. You said it wasn't because of my skills. :'''Splinter''': I said that only to temper your ego at the time. I knew even when you were a small boy, that you would one day grow up to the leader of this team. And when I pass on, to be like a father as well. :'''Leo''': "Pass on"? What are you talking about, Sensei? :'''Splinter''': Leonardo, if I can only impart one piece of wisdom that will remain with you forever: Remember, giving guidance to your brothers' and friends doesn't come [[Mind|here]]. It comes from [[Heart|here]]. :'''Leo''': I don't get it. You're fine, Father. Is there something you're not telling me? :''[The others arrive outside the dojo]'' :'''Mikey''': Hey, Leo, wanna go visit Karai? Party at the Mutanimals crib, yo. :'''Raph''': And you can come, too, Sensei. :'''Splinter''': Hmm. Perhaps I do need to get out of the sewers for a time. <hr width="50%"/> :''[after Splinter believes that Super Shredder is dead]'' :'''Raph''': Yes! You did it, Sensei. (I did it!) [Splinter smiles at his son and April]'' :'''Splinter''': ''[latest words]'' My family. ''(I did it, turtles. I did it.) [Just as he, Donnie and Mikey arrive in their truck, Leo looks through a telescope at something while Super Shredder is alive with escaped and screams in horror. April notices Super Shredder behind Splinter]'' :'''April:''' Oh, no. Splinter! ''(No! Don’t throw the Master Splinter!) [Splinter turns and his eyes widen. Super Shredder escaped and stabs his blades through the rat's torso]'' :'''Raph''': FATHER!! :'''April''': SPLINTER!! ''[Splinter groans in pain as Super Shredder holds him up]'' :'''Super Shredder''': And now, Hamato Yoshi… ''DIES!!!!!!! [He throws him off the roof! In slow-motion, Splinter plummets to the ground as Raph and April watch in shock and Alopex chops to Super Shredder's two arms and screams. Leo, Donnie and Mikey run over as they screams. Splinter lands on the pavement]'' :'''Pause''': So, this is so event. Super Shredder throws Splinter high in the sky. You know, they were too have say New York City, perhaps I have to stop him. :'''Leo:''' NO!! ''[The Turtles run over to Splinter's motionless body as Super Shredder screams. Leo cradles his head]'' Father. Father. :'''Super Shredder''': ''[after killing Master Splinter]'' I have stupid claimed my victory and I lost in two arms and what has done with Tiger Claw, or I will kill myself. No more will you haunt me, rat and It’s all Alopex's fault for hurting Tiger Claw. ''['''Tiger Claw''': This is all Super Shredder's fault!]'' My fault?! It’s my fault?! ''THIS SO UNFAIR! ['''April''': You know what, Super Shredder, WHAT HAS DONE WITH MASTER SPLINTER!] [?]'' '''''AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!''''' ===Owari=== :''[As we continue on to the next episode, April, Casey the Turtles and everyone we saw buried Splinter in April's farm, where the Kraang invasion started in season 3, pay their final respects at Splinter's grave. Then, one by one, everyone walks away excluding the four Turtles. Leo is the last one to leave. Wandering alone in the woods near the farmhouse, Leo is calmly meditating at a riverbank. The wind whistles and then a voice speaks.]'' :'''Splinter's Spirit:''' Leonardo. ''[Leo gasps, revealing that it was Splinter's Spirit.]'' Do not fear me, my son. :'''Leo:''' Sensei, is it really you or am I... dreaming this? :'''Splinter's Spirit:''' You are not dreaming. I have attained a higher spiritual plane of existence. Passing into death, we merge with the whole of life. We become one with nature, in all of the universe. Even with you. :'''Leo:''' I can't go on without you, Father. :'''Splinter's Spirit:''' You must, Leonardo. You are the sensei now. Your brothers need you. Karai needs you. Shredder is still alive. :'''Leo:''' What!? :'''Splinter's Spirit:''' You must end this, Leonardo. :'''Leo:''' I don't know if we're strong enough, Sensei. Sensei? :''[As the wind whistles again, Leo watches some flower petals fly over his head and soar up towards the shining sun breaking through the clouds, before putting on his empty, white eyes, Leo decides to lead the Hamato Clan and finish off their long feud with Super Shredder once and for all.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Leo''': You killed him! He was your brother, and you killed him! He was your brother, Saki! Your best friend! How could you do that?! :'''Super Shredder''': ''[latest words; ?]'' Random :'''Splinter's Spirit''': ''[?]'' Leonardo, ''[Long pause]'' fear nothing. ''[?]'' :'''Leo''': ''[after killing Super Shredder and Master Splinter too]'' Shredder... is finished. Not Master Splinter. <hr width="50%"/> :''[On the rooftops of Stockman Industries]'' :'''Leo:''' Karai, I'm so sorry. :'''Karai:''' There's nothing to be sorry about, Leo. I just want to thank you for finishing what no one else could. :'''Raph:''' You did it, brother! You ended the Shredder! :'''Leo:''' Whoa, Raph. Don't squeeze me so hard, Raph. I'm still recovering. :'''Donnie:''' So, what are gonna do next? :'''April:''' Oh, I'm sure they'll be plenty of enemies to take Shredder's place. :'''Casey:''' Tiger Claw is still out there. The Foot clan isn't out of the game yet, dudes. :'''Mikey:''' Whatever evil emerges, we'll be ready... 'casue we're awesome. :'''Leo:''' That's right, Mikey, and we'll do it together. Right, Sensei? ==Characters== ===Main=== *Leonardo/Leo *Raphael/Raph *Donatello/Donnie *Michelangelo/Mikey/Michael *[[w:April O'Neil|April O'Neil]] (24 Episodes) *[[w:Casey Jones (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Casey Jones]] (23 Episodes) *Professor Honeycutt/the Fugitoid (14 Episodes) ===Recurring=== *[[w:Hamato Yoshi|Splinter]] (16 Episodes) *[[w:Karai (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Karai]] (8 Episodes) ===Supporting=== *Tang Shen (photographs; 4 Episodes) *Oroku Saki/Super Shredder (9 Episodes) *Bebop *Rocksteady *Fishface (6 Episodes) *Rahzar *Tiger Claw (8 Episodes) *Baxter Stockman/Stockman Fly (4 Episodes) *Shinigami (5 Episodes) *The Mighty Mutanimals **Slash **Leatherhead **Muckman **Dr. Tyler Rockwell **Pigeon Pete **Mondo Gecko *Dr. Kirby O'Neil ("Owari"; cameo) *Lord Dregg (5 Episodes) *Armaggon (2 Episodes) *Mona Lisa (4 Episodes) *Sal Commander (3 Episodes) *Za-Naron ("The Power Inside Her") *Alopex ("Tale of Tiger Claw") *[[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987 TV series)|1987 Turtles]] **1987 Leonardo **1987 Donatello **1987 Michelangelo **1987 Raphael ==External links== {{wikipedia|Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2012 TV series, season 4)}} {{Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles}} [[Category:Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2012 TV series) seasons|4]] [[Category:Children's television seasons]] [[Category:Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987 TV series)]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about turtles]] [[Category:American animated television seasons]] 35es9h7xf6mpye15qncnw212msrkrv4 14 197091 3778610 2690760 2025-07-14T12:49:08Z UDScott 4304 Moving from [[Category:Activists]] to [[Category:Activists by issue]] using [[c:Help:Cat-a-lot|Cat-a-lot]] 3778610 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Activists by issue]] [[Category:Social justice]] ckidbopituhz0xwp9o8peqmn4qir70j 14 197094 3778581 3505355 2025-07-14T12:49:04Z UDScott 4304 Moving from [[Category:Activists]] to [[Category:Activists by issue]] using [[c:Help:Cat-a-lot|Cat-a-lot]] 3778581 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Activists by issue]] [[Category:People from Ethiopia by occupation]] pff2cmiuzo4e8qdw87s74glgwdt4bwy 0 197277 3778689 3155583 2025-07-14T13:51:20Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Comedians]]; added [[Category:Comedians from Sweden]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778689 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:PewDiePie at PAX 2015 crop.jpg|right|thumb|200px|But calling me a [[fascist]], how is that [[help|helping]] anyone?]] '''[[w:Felix Kjellberg|Felix Arvid Ulf Kjellberg]]''' (born on 24 October 1989), better known by his online pseudonym '''PewDiePie''', is a [[w:Swedes|Swedish]] YouTuber, web-based comedian, rapper, songwriter, and video producer. He is known for his [[w:Let's Play (video gaming)|Let's Play]] commentaries and [[w:Video blog|vlogs]] on [[w:YouTube|YouTube]]. He is also currently the most subscribed independent channel on YouTube. {{comedian-stub}} == Quotes == === Channel description === * I make videos. ===2015=== ====depression.wmv (polybridge)==== * Maybe you wanna quit when things fail but you can't just fail when things quit. ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X3A7C4uVK3w depression.wmv (polybridge)] (15 August 2017) ===2016=== ====I WON AN AWARD==== (Felix gets 18th place on a top 100 most handsome faces of 2016) *"OOOH!! 18!... 18!... 18, n***a!!" ===2017=== ====My Response (February)==== * It's because, apparently, [[w:Neo-Nazi|Neo-Nazi]] groups have been referencing me, have been praising me, for making these kinds of jokes and I was unaware of this, so I made a statement, as soon as I found out about this, saying, 'I do not support these hateful groups in any way,' but that's never going to be the title. That doesn't fit their personal agenda. That's not the story they want. This is not an article. This was a [[personal]] attack against me, It is so clear. * Again, it's fine to not agree with someone's sense of humour, '''but calling me a [[w:fascist|fascist]], how is that helping anyone?''' * I want to give the... ''[laughs]'' the warmest thanks, to everybody who supported me. It's been incredible. ''[gives two thumbs up]'' Thank you everybody in the YouTube community. Hey it means a lot, thank you, thank you. '''''[Sarcastically]''''' Now, the most appropriate way to end this, I think, is the tenth thing, the tenth secret Nazi thing that went right past [[w:Wall Street Journal|Wall Street Journal]]. I can't believe they didn't notice it. ''[kisses fist]'' Our secret Nazi salute, the [[w:Fist bump|bro-fist]]. ''[sends fist towards the camera]'' ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mrnJAy-rfyA My Response] (16 February 2017) ====PUBG Livestream==== *"What a f****** n****r, jeez, oh my god, what the fuck?, what a f****** a**hole... sorry, but what the f***?" ====My Response (September)==== * Hello, I wanted to make a statement on what I said in my previous livestream. You probably won't believe me when I say this, but whenever I go online and I hear other players use the same kind of language that I did, I always find it extremely immature and stupid, and I hate how I now personally fed into that part of [[Video games|gaming]] as well. It was something that I said in the heat of the moment. I said the worst [[W:Nigger|word]] I could possibly [[think]] of, and it just sort of slipped out, and I'm not going to make any excuses to why it did, because there are no excuses for it. *I'm disappointed in myself because it seems like I've learned nothing from all these [[past]] controversies, and it's not that I think I can say or do whatever I want and get away with it; that's not it at all! I'm just an [[idiot]], but that doesn't make what I said, or how I said it, okay. It was not okay. I'm really sorry if I offended, hurt, or disappointed anyone with all of this. *Being in the position I am, I should know better. I know I can't keep messing up like this, and I owe it to my audience and to myself to do better than this, because I know I'm better than this. I really want to improve myself and better myself, not just for me, but for anyone that looks up to me or anyone that's influenced by me, and that's how I want to move forward away from this. That's all I had to say. Thank you for watching. Bye. ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cLdxuaxaQwc My Response] (12 September 2017) ====Let's Play of [[Life is Strange]]==== * If [[John Lennon]]'s so [[smart]] then why is he [[dead]]? ===2018=== *"MEME REVIEW" *"Stop atack, eh, atack... atackonizing me!" ====RIP LIL TAY==== * But when you gotta flex, you gotta keep flexing. You know what I'm saying? Please feel free to quote me on that at any given point. ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bF_naHpa-T4 RIP LIL TAY] (5 June 2018) ==== DON'T StART YOUTUBE BEFORE WATCHING THIS ==== * Once your fans start noticing that your channel isn't doing as well as it used to be, they are quick to point out why: It is you. "It is not because I got tired of your content - it is because of you - you've changed man!" ** 24 July 2018 ====ONLY REAL GAMERS CAN WATCH THIS==== * Okay, Grandpa. I don't care about your Vietnam stories! Have you ever tried going into Molten Core with only four healers? * Together, us gamers are strong. For too long we have been oppressed by all these groups; everyone is against us, but we are the toughest, most hard-working, most vigilant, most powerful group on the Internet! If we all together will rise up, we can defeat anything! We can take over the world! We can create the gaming utopia that we all wanted to live in! Cars are not cars - they are carmers; houses are not houses - they are gaming studios; roads are not roads - they are [[w:Candy Crush|Candy Crush]] displays. Imagine it, just think of how good things would really be! Think about how bad we are now because we haven't risen up yet! The more we wait, the harder it will get, but now it is time for gamers to rise together! ** 25 July 2018 ====NINJA RESPECTS ALL WOMANS==== * Just like [[w:Twitter|Twitter]] said themselves, unless [[w:Alex Jones|Alex]] preaches ideas that goes against Twitter's community guidelines or rules, then he shouldn't be banned from Twitter. I found it almost dumbfounding how people will disagree with this statement. * I've seen the argument saying, 'Well, these are private companies, [[w:Apple|Apple]], [[w:Spotify|Spotify]], [[w:YouTube|YouTube]], and whatever. They have the right to ban whoever they want. They can set their own rules. They should just make up rules to get rid of [[w:Alex Jones|Alex Jones]].' It seems pretty fair, right? Their playground, their rules. I also, kind of disagree. I think that social media has grown so big that it's become an extension of your voice, that if you are not on social media, and you are taken off of social media in a way that isn't really specified why, then it can be seen as a way of censorship. **[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rv8UnA_1Os8 NINJA RESPECTS ALL WOMANS] (15 August 2018) ===2019=== *"Negligib... neglibij... Negligibible" ====PewDiePie's Tuber Simulator==== *What!? You've never played TUBER SIMULATOR ?!!?! You know it's fun, right? Now I'm not supposed to give my opinion, but give it a try , and THEN you can tell me if it's good or not. Not convinced yet? Okay, I'll cut you a deal. The game is available for FREE, and that's a GREAT price! **[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uV843iXV2EM Pewdiepies tuber simulator ad] (12 July 2019) == External links == *{{wikipedia-inline}} {{commons category|PewDiePie|PewDiePie)}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Kjellberg, Felix}} [[Category:Actors from Sweden]] [[Category:Comedians from Sweden]] [[Category:Video artists]] [[Category:Internet personalities]] [[Category:Bloggers]] [[Category:Producers]] [[Category:Agnostics]] [[Category:People from Gothenburg]] [[Category:1989 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:YouTubers]] 51bj6buye18djxeaxd8r39by1tfmr4j 0 198436 3778707 3692621 2025-07-14T14:02:00Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Comedians]]; added [[Category:Comedians from South Africa]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778707 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Trevor Noah 2017.jpg|thumb|For any [[comedian]], your [[life]] informs your point of view, the way you see the [[world]].]] '''{{w|Trevor Noah}}''' (born [[20 February]] [[1984]]) is a South African comedian, television host, actor, and political commentator. From 2015 to 2022, he hosted ''[[The Daily Show]]'', an American [[w:news satire|satirical news program]] on [[w:Comedy Central|Comedy Central]]. == Quotes == [[File:Russian bombardment of Kyiv TV Tower.jpg|thumb|Every single one of you, whether you like it or not, is a bastion of [[democracy]]. And if you ever begin to doubt your [[responsibilities]]. If you ever begin to doubt how meaningful it is, look no further than [[w:2022 Russian invasion of Ukraine|what's happening]] in [[Ukraine]].]] * So weird, how our [[prejudices]] have given everyone their lane. [[Middle Easterner]] does something, they're a [[terrorist]]. [[Black people|Black person]] does something, they're gang-related, they're a thug. But if a [[White people|white guy]] walks into a [[church]] [[killing]] nine people there, what do they lead with on the [[news]]? "And today, in an isolated incident, [[w:Dylann Roof|a lone gunman]] [[w:Charleston church shooting|walked into a church opening fire and killing nine people]]." It's always a lone gunman. "A lone gunman with no ties to [[society]] whatsoever". They always [[separate]] them as quickly as possible. ** ''Trevor Noah : Lost in Translation'' (2015) * We drink to enjoy. The Scottish drink to die. ** ''Trevor Noah : Afraid of the Dark'' (2017) * For me, [[Donald Trump]] is an emotional paradox, I'm not gonna lie. Logically, I can process him, emotionally, I struggle. On the one hand, I will admit, I wake up many days terrified at the notion that he's president of the most powerful nation in the world. But I also must admit, I wake up many days knowing he's gonna make me laugh. There's terror and there's joy and I don't know how to feel. You know what it feels like sometimes? It feels like there's a giant asteroid headed towards the earth, but it's shaped like a penis. Like, I think I'm gonna die, but I know I'm gonna laugh. ** ''Trevor Noah : Son of Patricia'' (2018) * You don't go to [[South Africa]] to escape racism. That's where you go to stock up. Are you kidding me, that's the one thing that reminds me of home. The racism out here. ** ''Trevor Noah : Son of Patricia'' (2018) * I spend most of my day screaming — and then over time I get [[tired]] and then when I'm tired, I start thinking of the jokes. … That's what I always loved about [[comedy]], it is a way for us to just, you know, to numb the [[pain]], to process what we're going through without [[feeling]] every single inkling of it. ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wC6V4gLAat4 "Trevor Noah Was Low Key In Black Panther", ''The Late Show'' (June 2018)] *For any comedian, your life informs your point of view, the way you see the world. My comedy comes through the prism of race or class, because those are two worlds that collided for me growing up. And I guess that’s served me well, because those themes cross over countries and continents. We’re all still dealing with those issues today. **On how his upbringing informs his comedy in [https://hbr.org/2018/09/lifes-work-an-interview-with-trevor-noah “Life’s Work: An Interview with Trevor Noah”] in ''Harvard Business Review'' (September-October, 2018) *I think the most important thing is to instantly give them a sense of who you are and how you feel in that moment. If a speaker is nervous and tells the audience that, people immediately contextualize it and respond accordingly. If a performer is in a good mood or feeling wild and crazy and says so, I’ve found, the crowd will be good at matching that energy. So for me, the rapport is built by a genuineness conveyed as quickly as possible. **On connecting with your audience in [https://hbr.org/2018/09/lifes-work-an-interview-with-trevor-noah “Life’s Work: An Interview with Trevor Noah”] in ''Harvard Business Review'' (September-October, 2018) * The weird thing is, I always say to people, "When you're poor, being poor sucks. But being poor together makes it a lot better." Right? Because you're in it together. And it doesn't discount the fact that you don't have much. But then you start to enjoy the things that you do have. And that is each other. And so we laughed. We enjoyed ourselves. We had something that sometimes you don't have when you have too much. And that is the ability to focus on the human beings around you. ** Reflection on living in Soweto, as quoted in ''The Path Made Clear: Discovering Your Life's Direction and Purpose'' (2019), p. 169 * Growing up as a young boy in [[w:Wakanda|Wakanda]], I would see King T’Challa flying over our village, and he would remind me of a great [[w:Xhosa language|Xhosa]] phrase: ''Abelungu abazi ubu ndiyaxoka'', which means: ‘In times like these, we are stronger when we fight together than when we try to fight apart.’'' ** At the Oscars. The Xhosa phrase used by Trevor Noah in this quote was a purposeful mistranslation with the correct translation being: "White people don't know that I'm lying. Can be found under "'''Trevor Noah's fake translation"''' https://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-47356329 <!-- Former source of the translation was not up to wikipedias standards and was replaced (former quote source: https://slate.com/culture/2019/02/academy-awards-2019-trevor-noahs-xhosa-quote-real-joke-oscars.html?via=section_recirc_recent) --> **(February 24th, 2019) *…I like to think that I am the product of a world of impossibilities. You know, my mother is where she should have never been. I think my mother made greater leaps than I have ever made. It's just that her leaps were made within her world and so maybe don't seem as grand. But I think my family, myself, my country, we come from a place where we have achieved the impossible… **On his family history in [https://www.wbur.org/hereandnow/2019/06/04/trevor-noah-young-adult-born-a-crime “Trevor Noah's Lesson To Young Readers: It's Freeing To Define Yourself On Your Own Terms”] in WBUR (June 4th, 2019) * '''Every single one of you, whether you like it or not, is a bastion of [[democracy]].''' And if you ever begin to doubt your [[responsibilities]]. If you ever begin to doubt how meaningful it is, look no further than [[w:2022 Russian invasion of Ukraine|what's happening]] in [[Ukraine]]. Look at what's happening there. [[Journalists]] are risking and even losing their lives to show the [[world]] what's really happening. <br /> You realize how amazing it is. Like in [[America]], you have the [[right]] to seek the [[truth]] and [[speak]] the truth, even if it makes people in power uncomfortable. Even if it makes your viewers or readers uncomfortable. Do you understand how amazing that is? <br /> I stood here tonight and I made fun of the [[President of the United States]], and I'm going to be fine. — ''I'm going to be fine'', right?<br /> Like, do you really [[understand]] what a [[blessing]] it is? Maybe it's happened for so long that you — it might slip your mind, it's a blessing. <br /> In fact, here — ask yourself this question. Honestly ask yourself this question: If [[Russian]] journalists, who are losing their livelihoods ... and their freedom for daring to report on what their own government is doing. If they had the freedom to write any words, to show any stories, or to ask any questions. If they had, basically, what you have, would they be using it in the same way that you do? Ask yourself that question every day. Because you have one of the most important roles in the world. ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_fpxCuorKjA "Remarks at the 2022 White House Correspondents' Dinner, ''C-SPAN'' (30 April 2022)] *I always believe that funny is serious and serious is funny. You don’t really need a distinction between them. If I’m doing something on stage and it evokes an emotion, then I might show that emotion, but I also don’t believe in being a preacher. If you have a point, that’s a bonus. But the funny has to come first, otherwise you shouldn’t call yourself a comedian. **On never expressing anger in his comedy in [https://www.timeout.com/london/comedy/trevor-noah-interview “Trevor Noah interview”] in Time Out {{deadlink}} *(What book might people be surprised to find on your shelves?) Books about [[self-esteem]] and [[depression]]. **[https://www.nytimes.com/2016/11/06/books/review/trevor-noah-by-the-book.html interview] (2016) * I felt like [[w:Charlie and the Chocolate Factory|Charlie and the Chocolate Factory]], it was, like, the weirdest thing ever. I just came for a tour, I just wanted some of the Wonka bars and then the next thing, I'm, like, managing the Oompa Loompas. I'm like "Aaah! I don't know how this works, this is crazy!" ** On taking over [[The Daily Show]] from [[Jon Stewart]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zx_S8vpMXK4 Jon Stewart coming back to The Daily Show! - Trevor Noah - Any Questions from Austin, TX!] (2024) * Laughter is strange in that if we think of all the emotions that we're able to express or feel, one of the things about laughter that's particularly interesting to me is it's one of the few emotions that robs your pain of its power. **[https://deepcast.fm/episode/7939/sex-comedy-and-context-a-live-conversation-with-trevor-noah#quotes/ "Sex, Comedy and Context: A Live Conversation with Trevor Noah" on Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel, found on DeepCast] (19 March 2024) * I think sometimes it's hard for us to think about the possibility of a better future because we haven't lived in it. **[https://deepcast.fm/episode/32047/theres-no-i-in-trevor-noah-video#quotes/ "There's No I In Trevor Noah [VIDEO]" on What Now? with Trevor Noah, found on DeepCast] (30 May 2024) * ''['''Interviewer''': When you say you "wouldn't be here" with me, what do you mean by that?]'' You wouldn't be calling me here to have an interview with me, because I wouldn't have done the things that I've done. Because I couldn't have done them alone. Because ''nobody'' could have done them alone. Nobody ''has'' done the things they've done alone, you know? Like, everyone-- I've seen people tell these stories of climbing Mount Everest and Maya-san, and-- Yo, all those sherpas that went with you, let's talk about them. No one's climbing Everest alone! No one's discovering, y'know, the, the South Pole alone! No, you weren't! In fact, the guy who first navigated the South Pole was ''led there'' by somebody, you know what I mean? ** Interview with The Diary of a CEO - [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FsztuzyXdhY Trevor Noah: My Depression Was Linked To ADHD! Why I Left The Daily Show!] (17 October 2024) * I hear people all the time go like "I'm gonna put my head down and I'm gonna crush it!" Okay, alone? Good luck. ** Interview with The Diary of a CEO - [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FsztuzyXdhY Trevor Noah: My Depression Was Linked To ADHD! Why I Left The Daily Show!] (17 October 2024) * I learned so many things at ''[[The Daily Show]]'', I'm eternally grateful for them... but I also would like to learn more things? Even in the years I haven't been there, I've re-learned and re-remembered that politics ''isn't'' a binary. It's not blue and red, that's an illusion. There aren't two ideas for every problems, that's fake. There are a multitude of ways to discuss any issue and any topic. But if you stay in one place for long enough, then in a good way and in a bad way, you start to perceive that as reality.<br>[...]<br>All my friends that are South African were trapped in South Africa, couldn't leave, couldn't come to me, I couldn't go to them. Couldn't see my family. And I wasn't even big on that, it's not even that I was like "Oh, I've gotta go home to see my family," I just go when I'll go. But now, I realized, I was like, wow! This is just-- again, it's fleeting. And I had to ask myself "Trevor, what are you trying to achieve in your life? Where do you want it to go? Where do you want it to end, y'know? What's more important to you? The ratings on the success of this show and this idea, or the ratings on the success of your friendships and your relationships?" ** On why he left ''The Daily Show'' -- Interview with The Diary of a CEO - [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FsztuzyXdhY Trevor Noah: My Depression Was Linked To ADHD! Why I Left The Daily Show!] (17 October 2024) * [If] you read the news once a week, I promise you, you'll be as informed as somebody who's reading it every single day. You know why? 'Cause when you're reading it every day, you are caught in the cycle of it trying to discover what it doesn't know yet. ** Interview with The Diary of a CEO - [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FsztuzyXdhY Trevor Noah: My Depression Was Linked To ADHD! Why I Left The Daily Show!] (17 October 2024) * And that is a problem I have with, like, a lot of American political spin -- they try and tell you that what you're seeing is not what you're seeing. **[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xma3ZdwtEJ4 We Treated President Biden Like S#*T! - Trevor Noah] (2024) * I think, again, as an old person, you should have a dignified end. You know? And I think we've robbed old people of that in society, y'know, like [[Capitalism]] and whatever. It's like, no, it's nice to, like, "You go, you've live your life, you've done your thing, and you can relax now." **[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xma3ZdwtEJ4 We Treated President Biden Like S#*T! - Trevor Noah] (2024) === ''[[The Daily Show]]'' === * [[Ben Carson]]: for people who like [[Donald Trump]]'s ideas, but hate his charm and charisma. Ben Carson is like the drug free cocaine for people who don't wanna get high but just like snorting white powder. ** 8 October 2015, Visible at 00:25 [http://www.cc.com/video-clips/2ybqd8/the-daily-show-with-trevor-noah-ben-carson-blames-the-victims ''Ben Carson Blames the Victims''], ''CC.com'', 8 October 2015. * Of course Ben Carson advisors can't make him smart, you can't change its brain. That's a job for a neurosurgeon. It's the same when your barber has a #### haircut. ** November 18th, 2015, Visible at 00:50 di [http://www.cc.com/video-clips/2ybqd8/the-daily-show-with-trevor-noah-ben-carson-blames-the-victims ''Ben Carson's Public Breakup''], ''CC.com'', 18 November 2015. * Donald Trump didn't invent racism. Trump didn't invent islamophobia. And he didn't invent violence. All he did was put his name on them like he does with everything else. ** March 16th, 2016, Visible at 06:00 [http://www.cc.com/video-clips/my2sru/the-daily-show-with-trevor-noah-another-super-tuesday-for-donald-trump ''Another Super Tuesday for Donald Trump''], ''CC.com'', 16 March 2016. * Race jokes are kind of like orcas: powerful and entertaining, but you put them on display in the wrong environment and people are going to get hurt, and the joke might die. Like this one just did. ** April 12th, 2016, Visible in [http://www.cc.com/video-clips/g0ng5b/the-daily-show-with-trevor-noah-bill-de-blasio-s-questionable-joke ''Bill de Blasio's Questionable Joke''], ''CC.com'', 12 April 2016. * Hey, son, what the hell is with your haircut? Did you see a paintbrush and say "I want that dude's look!"? ** April 13th, 2016, Visible at 1:30 [http://www.cc.com/video-clips/0zxgxu/the-daily-show-with-trevor-noah-north-korea-s-letter-to-america ''North Korea's Letter to America''], ''CC.com'', 13 April 2016. * The credits from the second Godfather are better than Godfather III. ** April 14th, 2016, Visible at 01:50 [http://www.cc.com/video-clips/s06t5t/the-daily-show-with-trevor-noah-more-reasons-to-hate-ted-cruz ''More Reasons to Hate Ted Cruz''], ''CC.com'', 14 April 2016. * Let's be honest: in general men are stronger than women. That's not sexist, it's just true. If anyone is sexist, it's Nature. Yeah, Nature is the one who was hanging stuff out and was like: "Ok, men, you get the big muscles and you orgasm every time you have sex. Hell, sometimes you have an orgasm just by accident! That's how easy it's gonna be for you! And for the ladies... you get to put an entire human being out of your vagina. Have a good day." ** May 3rd, 2016, Visible al minuto 02:50 di [http://www.cc.com/video-clips/1lbk3y/the-daily-show-with-trevor-noah-military-draft-for-women ''Military Draft for Women''], ''CC.com'', 3 May 2016. * In life only three things are certain: death, Adobe updates and taxes. ** May 13th, 2016<ref> Visible at 00:05 [http://www.cc.com/video-clips/cd7iyf/the-daily-show-with-trevor-noah--weakdonald-trump-won-t-release-his-tax-returns ''#WeakDonald Trump Won't Release His Tax Returns'']'', ''CC.com'', 13 May 2016.'' * ISIS without guns is just basically a blog. ** June 13th, 2016, Visible at 05:00 [http://www.cc.com/video-clips/o5lyhg/the-daily-show-with-trevor-noah-trevor-reacts-to-the-orlando-shooting ''Trevor Reacts to the Orlando Shooting''], ''CC.com'', 13 June 2016. * The Trump tape shouldn't offend you on behalf of females. It should offend you as a human being. ** October 11th, 2016, Visible at 05:50 [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LiPjWUn-PUo ''Fallout from Donald Trump's P***ygate Scandal: The Daily Show], ''YouTube.com'', 11 October 2016. * They're conflating sex talk and sexual assault talk, alright? Trying to make Trump's comments sound normal is not something that they're achieving, 'cause I'm sorry, that is not normal. There is a big difference between saying dirty words and glorifying non-consensual sexual contact. Not every guy has these conversations. No. That's a crime. There is a big difference. People are like, "oh, come on, guys talk dirty". Yeah, guys talk dirty, but guys are not all having conversations about sexual assault. It feels like more people are focused on "he said pussy". It's not about that. It's about him saying he forces himself on women. You tell me what's worse - a guy who says, "last night I dined with a lovely lady, and immediately afterwards, I escorted her back to her residence and proceeded to caress her genitals despite her lack of invitation." Or is this one worse - "oh man, last night I was rolling with this bad bitch, and I was like, "yo, you gonna let me smash that ass?", and she said "no", and I was like, "okay, no pussy for me"." Which one is worse? Now, don't get me wrong. Neither of them is ideal, but one of them is crude, and the other is against the law. ** October 11th, 2016, Visible at 07:43 [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LiPjWUn-PUo ''Fallout from Donald Trump's P***ygate Scandal: The Daily Show], ''YouTube.com'', 11 October 2016. * Welcome to the 2016 presidential election. If you're on TV and you say something that offends the nation, you're gonna lose your job. But don't worry, you can still run for president. ** October 11th, 2016, Visible at 10:19 [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LiPjWUn-PUo ''Fallout from Donald Trump's P***ygate Scandal: The Daily Show], ''YouTube.com'', 11 October 2016. * Have you ever argued with a toddler? Because if you have, you probably lost that argument, or you killed the toddler. Either way, you didn't win the argument, because you can't win an argument against a toddler. Toddlers will say the most outlandish shit. [...] Over the course of this election season, we've come to realize that president-elect [[Donald Trump]] might have the mind of a toddler. And if you think about it, it makes sense. He loves the same things that toddlers do. They like building things. They love attention, always grabbing things they're not supposed to. [...] You don't argue with a child if you want to win. Don't amplify the toddler's voice, because you'll just get trapped in the toddler's world. Rather, just keep asking the toddler to elaborate. Because logic is the downfall of every toddler. The point is to gently demoralize the toddler and smother his tantrums. And, as a bonus, stop him from delegitimizing the press. ** November 30, 2016. Quoted in ''[https://www.businessinsider.com/trevor-noah-trump-toddler-2016-11 Trevor Noah: How journalists really need to deal with Trump]'' (November 30, 2016) by Paul Schrodt, ''{{w|Business Insider}}'' * Juggling is such a white thing, as well, when you think about it. No, just the whole concept. You have so much stuff that, at some point, you are like: "I can't even hold all of this stuff! I'll have to throw some of it in the air!" That's probably how juggling started. Someone was like: "Wow, you have three things, but you only have two hands. Would you like to share something with me?" "No, no, I'll figure this out". ** March 9th, 2017, Visible at 01:00 [http://www.cc.com/video-clips/sb2sj5/the-daily-show-with-trevor-noah-white-people-are-having-a-good-time-in-america ''White People Are Having a Good Time in America''], ''CC.com'', 9 March 2017. * He really is a TV president.'' [...] ''He loves the performance of doing things. But a lot of the time, nothing's actually being done. Essentially, Donald Trump wants to be president, but he doesn't want to do president. ** June 6th, 2017, Visible at 02:00 [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FY5IwndHDLQ ''Trump Touts More Phony Accomplishments: The Daily Show''], ''YouTube.com'', 6 June 2017. * At this point, it's not even a high-level controversy. This isn't House of Cards. Like, this isn't even Veep. It wouldn't even qualify for Blue's Clues.'' ** July 12th, 2017, Visible at 08:20 [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xwr7pEgPqk4 ''A Russian, an Email and an Idiot: Did Donald Trump Jr. Incriminate Himself?: The Daily Show''], ''YouTube.com'', 12 July 2017. * Donald Trump sees the presidency the same way he sees one of his companies: its whole purpose is to serve him and only him.'' [...] ''the whole purpose of the Justice Department, which he thinks is not to uphold law. No, no, no, it's to do the president's bidding. The same way he probably thinks the purpose of the Energy Department is to charge his iPhone. [...] The only thing more shocking than his autocratic view of power is his willingness to talk so openly about it. In a strange way Donald Trump is both the most honest and dishonest president of all time. I figured it out, people. He's not cinnamon Hitler, he's Abraham Nixon. ** July 20th, 2017, Visible at 06:48 [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hjec21YF6JM ''President Trump Casually Makes Another Damning Admission: The Daily Show''], ''YouTube.com'', 20 July 2017. * Maybe we need to change who gets the Nobel Peace Prize, and when. Because so many people have won the prize and they've benefitted from all of its prestige, and then they've gone on to not be peaceful. Like, maybe we should only give the Nobel Peace Prize to people after their career is over and they've passed away, right? It's at the end. We can call it the "Rest in Peace Prize." Then we know you're not gonna surprise us, you're not gonna hurt anyone. Unless someone trips on your grave. ** September 13th, 2017, Visible at 05:10, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2Qq-RPYb_I ''Violent Buddhists Target Muslims in Myanmar: The Daily Show''], ''YouTube.com'', 13 September 2017. * This idea that black people should be grateful is some sneaky-ass racism. Yeah, because when a white billionaire spends a year screaming that America is a disaster, he's in touch with the country. But when a black man kneels quietly, he should be grateful for the successes America has allowed him to have?'' [...] ''It almost feels like white people earn the money, but black people are given it. ** September 26th, 2017, Visible at 04:56, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-Gx23vH0CE&list=PLc5tES41C9QAB7GTrL70xv8UAqw-OOfPZ&index=87&t=0s ''When Is the Right Time for Black People to Protest?: The Daily Show''], ''YouTube.com'', 26 September 2017. * You still haven't told us the right way for black people to protest. I mean, we know: it's wrong to do it in the streets, it's wrong to do it in the tweets. You cannot do it on the field, you cannot do it if you've kneelt. And don't do it if you're rich, you ungrateful son of a bitch. Because there's one thing that's a fact, you cannot protest if you're black. ** September 26th, 2017, Visible at 04:56, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-Gx23vH0CE&list=PLc5tES41C9QAB7GTrL70xv8UAqw-OOfPZ&index=87&t=0s ''When Is the Right Time for Black People to Protest?: The Daily Show''], ''YouTube.com'', 26 September 2017. * This is what I find weird in these arguments, it's that people go "they're not African, they're French". Then I'm like, why can't they be both? Right? Why is that duality only afforded to a select group of people? Why can they not be African? So what they're arguing here is, in order to be French, you have to erase everything that is African? ** July 19th, 2018, Visible at 04:04, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=COD9hcTpGWQ ''Trevor Responds to Criticism from the French Ambassador - Between the Scenes | The Daily Show''], ''YouTube.com'', 19 July 2018. * This is what I find interesting, is, like, when I read stories from Africa and when I watch what politicians say, especially in France, about African migrants: When they are unemployed, when they may commit a crime or when they're considered unsavory, it's the African immigrants. When their children go on to provide a world cup victory for France, we should only refer to them as French. ** July 19th, 2018, Visible at 05:032, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=COD9hcTpGWQ ''Trevor Responds to Criticism from the French Ambassador - Between the Scenes | The Daily Show''], ''YouTube.com'', 19 July 2018. * [[Boris Johnson]] looks like if Donald Trump drank. ** May 15th, 2019, Visible at 02:23, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d1rHsI-g3z4 ''What in the World? | The Daily Show''], ''YouTube.com'', 15 May 2019. * Wait, what? White supremacists aren't a threat because they can only fill a college football stadium? My man, those stadiums hold a hundred thousand people. We shouldn't have enough white supremacists to fill a golf cart, that's how many we should have. [...] White supremacists are like babies on a plane, even one is enough to ruin your day. ** August 14th, 2019, Visible at 01:03, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xqd6z-XhfU0 ''Tucker Carlson Takes a Sudden Vacation Following His Hot Take on White Supremacy | The Daily Show''], ''YouTube.com'', 14 August 2019. * I feel bad for anyone in private insurance who's scared of losing their job. But on the other hand, screw private insurance! I'm sorry, insurance companies are assholes. ** January 1st, 2020, Visible at 11:56, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V6UxhDPzbsE&t=414s ''Getting to Know Elizabeth Warren | The Daily Show''], ''YouTube.com'', 1 January 2020. * You know what the problem in America is? It's that white people call the police like they're asking for the manager. It's like, "this is unacceptable, I demand to see someone who might shoot you". ** June 29th, 2020,Visible at 09.48, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uN84HhcdIws&t=1233s ''White People Unnecessarily Calling the Cops on Black People | The Daily Show''], ''YouTube.com'', 29 June 2020. * The part where we say who's good and who's bad and who started-- let's-- let's step away from that and instead ask a different question: Instead, let's look at who's dead and who's alive this week. ** May 11, 2021, Visible at 4:40, [https://www.youtube.com/NeZ4yXyzUG0?si=rZ-rCrhSJdW1IKZu&t=279 ''Let’s Talk About the Israel-Palestine Conflict | The Daily Show''], ''YouTube.com'', 11 May 2021. * And look, I don't know if I want to eat at a restaurant where everybody's armed. I mean, it's a fun gimmick, but you realize the second someone drops a plate, that place is turning into a Tarantino movie. I mean, it's still a restaurant, so you can't have bare feet, but otherwise, it's a Tarantino movie. But clearly, this person has an unhealthy fixation with guns. ** December 9, 2021, Visible at 07:03 [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bgRKHBQpRFE ''Fringe-Watching: Lauren Boebert | The Daily Show''], ''YouTube.com'', 9 December 2021. * [A friend] said to me, he said "You know, Trevor, one of the greatest lies they tell you in America, they tell you that-- they tell you that America is two political parties -- [[Republican Party (United States)|Republicans]] and [[Democratic Party (United States)|Democrats]]", and he said, "But I'll tell you now, it's Republicans, Democrats, and it's black people and every other person of color who's trying to make a name or do something for themselves." And that stuck with me, and it made me think about American politics differently. Made me realize that we get tricked a lot of the time -- not just in America, but everywhere in the world -- into liking or not liking something based more on the [[w:Tribalism|tribe]] that it comes from, the tribe that it emanates from, than what the idea actually is. ** December 9, 2021, Visible at 02:02 [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ga9iYR1_v8k ''What Did Trevor Learn from The Daily Show? | The Daily Show''], ''YouTube.com'', 9 December 2022. * The final lesson I learned at the show -- and I learned it not ''at'' the show, but ''because'' of the show and the news I was covering is -- please don't forget that the world is a friendlier place than the internet and the news will make you think? ** December 9, 2021, Visible at 08:05 [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ga9iYR1_v8k ''What Did Trevor Learn from The Daily Show? | The Daily Show''], ''YouTube.com'', 9 December 2022. === ''[[w:Born a Crime|Born a Crime: Stories from a South African Childhood]]'' (2016) === * If you’re Native American and you pray to the wolves, you’re a savage. If you’re African and you pray to your ancestors, you’re a primitive. But when white people pray to a guy who turns water into wine, well, that’s just common sense. ** page 6 * In any society built on institutionalized racism, race-mixing doesn't merely challenge the system as unjust, it reveals the system as unsustainable and incoherent. Race-mixing proves that races can mix - and in a lot of cases, ''want'' to mix. Because a mixed person embodies that rebuke to the logic of the system, race-mixing becomes a crime worse than treason. ** page 21 * That’s how a police state works - everyone thinks everyone else is the police. ** page 25 * There were so many perks to being ‘white’ in a black family, I can’t even front. I was having a great time. My own family basically did what the American justice system does: I was given more lenient treatment than the black kids. ** page 52 * Growing up the way I did, I learned how easy it is for white people to get comfortable with a system that awards them all the perks. I knew my cousins were getting beaten for things that I'd done, but I wasn't interested in changing my grandmother's perspective, because that would mean I'd get beaten, too. Why would I do that? So that I'd ''feel'' better? Being beaten didn't make me feel better. I had a choice. I could champion racial justice in our home, or I could enjoy granny's cookies. I went with the cookies. ** page 52/53 * My mom raised me as if there were no limitations on where I could go or what I could do. When I look back I realize she raised me like a white kid - not white culturally, but in the sense of believing that the world was my oyster, that I should speak up for myself, that my ideas and thoughts and decisions mattered. ** page 73 * As the outsider, you can retreat into a shell, be anonymous, be invisible. Or you can go the other way. You protect yourself by opening up. You don't ask to be accepted for everything you are, just the one part of yourself that you're willing to share. For me it was humor. I learned that even though I didn't belong to one group, I could be a part of any group that was laughing. ** page 140/141 * People don’t want to be rich. They want to be able to choose. The richer you are, the more choices you have. That is the freedom of money. ** page 188 * People love to say, “Give a man a fish, and he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he’ll eat for a lifetime.” What they don’t say is, “And it would be nice if you gave him a fishing rod.” That’s the part of the analogy that’s missing. ** page 190 * Every country thinks their history is the most important, and that’s especially true in the West. But if black South Africans could go back in time and kill one person, Cecil Rhodes would come up before Hitler. If people in the Congo could go back in time and kill one person, Belgium’s King Leopold would come way before Hitler. If Native Americans could go back in time and kill one person, it would probably be Christopher Columbus or Andrew Jackson. ** page 195 * In the hood, even if you're not a hardcore criminal, crime is in your life in some way or another. There are degrees of it. It's everyone from the mom buying some food that fell off the back of a truck to feed her family, all the way up to the gangs selling military-grade weapons and hardware. The hood made me realize that crime succeeds because crime does the one thing the government doesn't do: crime cares. Crime is grassroots. Crime looks for the young kids who need support and a lifting hand. Crime offers internship programs and summer jobs and opportunities for advancement. Crime gets involved in the community. Crime doesn't discriminate. ** page 209 * In society, we do horrible things to one another because we don't see the person it affects. We don't see their face. We don't see them as people. Which was the whole reason the hood was built in the first place, to keep the victims of apartheid out of sight and out of mind. Because if white people ever saw black people as human, they would see that slavery is unconscionable. We live in a world where we don't see the ramifications of what we do to others, because we don't live with them. It would be a whole lot harder for an investment banker to rip off people with subprime mortgages if he actually had to live with the people he was ripping off. If we could see one another's pain and empathize with one another, it would never be worth it to us to commit the crimes in the first place. ** page 222 * The more time I spent in jail, the more I realized that the law isn’t rational at all. It’s a lottery. What color is your skin? How much money do you have? Who’s your lawyer? Who’s the judge? ** page 238 * Growing up in a home of abuse, you struggle with the notion that you can love a person you hate, or hate a person you love. It’s a strange feeling. You want to live in a world where someone is good or bad, where you either hate them or love them, but that’s not how people are. ** page 267 * The way my mother always explained it, the traditional man wants a woman to be subservient, but he never falls in love with subservient women. He's attracted to independent women. "He's like an exotic bird collector," she said. "He only wants a woman who is free because his dream is to put her in a cage." * People built homes the way they bought eggs: a little at a time. * The end of apartheid was a gradual thing. Concessions were made here and there, some laws were repealed, others simply weren’t enforced. * We tell people to follow their dreams, but you can only dream of what you can imagine, and, depending on where you come from, your imagination can be quite limited. * What was ironic to me was that white people had spent years seeing video of black people being beaten to death by other white people, but this one video of a black man kicking a cat, that’s what sent them over the edge. * Every year under apartheid, some colored people would get promoted to white. People could submit applications to the government. Your hair might become straight enough, your skin might become light enough, your accent might become polished enough — -and you’d be reclassified as white. All you had to do was denounce your people, denounce your history, and leave your darker-skinned fiends and family behind. ==External Links== {{wikipedia}} * {{Official website|http://www.trevornoah.com}} * {{IMDb name|3696388}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Noah, Trevor}} [[Category:Actors from South Africa]] [[Category:Comedians from South Africa]] [[Category:Television personalities]] [[Category:Radio personalities]] [[Category:Producers]] [[Category:Critics]] [[Category:Autobiographers]] [[Category:People from Johannesburg]] [[Category:1984 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Xhosa people]] 1aalabzh64im7w13da01nkq24zdpjzx 0 199836 3778848 3277131 2025-07-14T20:23:51Z 193.210.195.87 The academic article is notable as it is the recipient of an [https://www.ama.org/press-releases/carlos-diaz-ruiz-and-tomas-nilsson-win-2025-thomas-c-kinnear-journal-of-public-policy-marketing-award/ award] and it is the [https://journals.sagepub.com/home/PPO most cited] paper in the journal 3778848 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Wp ss 20160316 0018.png|thumb|In principle the war effort is always so planned as to eat up any surplus that might exist after meeting the bare needs of the population.... chronic shortage of half the necessities... is deliberate policy to keep even the favored groups somewhere near the brink of hardship, because a general state of scarcity increases the importance of small privileges and thus magnifies the distinction between one group and another. ~[[George Orwell]] in [[1984]] ]] [[File:USS_John_C._Stennis_(CVN-74)_%26_HMS_Illustrious_(R_06).jpg|thumb|A general state of scarcity increases the importance of small privileges... War... not only accomplishes the necessary destruction, but accomplishes it in a psychologically acceptable way. In principle it would be quite simple to waste the surplus labour of the world... by digging holes and filling them up again, or even by producing vast quantities of goods and then setting fire to them. But this would provide only the economic and not the emotional basis for a hierarchical society... In the long run, a hierarchical society was only possible on a basis of poverty and ignorance. ~[[George Orwell]] in [[1984]] ]] [[File:The fin de siècle newspaper proprietor (cropped).jpg|thumb|275px|alt=Three running men carrying papers with the labels "Humbug News", "Fake News", and "Cheap Sensation".|Reporters with various forms of "fake news" from an 1894 illustration by [[Frederick Burr Opper]]]] '''[[w:Fake news|Fake news]]''' is a type of [[yellow journalism]] or [[propaganda]] that consists of deliberate misinformation or hoaxes spread via traditional print and broadcast news media or online social media. == Quotes == * Back in the 1800s, back in before the 20th century, especially in the 1800s, American journalism was a very, very factionalized partisan thing. Political parties had their own newspapers and their own magazines, and every one gave its version of political spin and interpretation. 20th century, for a variety of reasons, not just because we got smarter or more rational, maybe somewhat [of] that, there began being more of a shared set of facts in our media. People disagree violently left, right, center, whatever, but the facts were agreed upon. ** [[w:Kurt Andersen|Kurt Andersen]] in [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XirnEfkdQJM How America Got Divorced from Reality: Christian Utopias, Anti-Elitism, Media Circus] (9:13), Big Think, YouTube video (8 October 2017) * It is no coincidence that ours is the age of fake news, collective superstitions, and pseudo-scientific truths. ** [[Pope Francis]], [https://www.vatican.va/content/francesco/en/audiences/2022/documents/20220525-udienza-generale.html General Audience, St Peter's Square], ''vatican.va'', 25 May 2022 *There is so much stupid information, [[w:misinformation|misinformation]] around. You can’t really get anywhere until you get out from under all that... Science... the ways it does its calculating that approximately nobody going in at a basic level can gain any [[Holism|sense of the whole]].... [[Buckminster Fuller#Critical_Path_(1981)|''Critical Path'']] is a way to dig yourself out from all that misinformation... But it can hardly be read in a week. It takes some study. **[[Buckminster Fuller]] in [https://www.thesunmagazine.org/issues/85/buckminster-fuller-talks-politics Buckminster Fuller Talks Politics, (1982)] * In late April and early May the World Socialist Web Site, which identifies itself as a [[Leon Trotsky|Trotskyite]] group that focuses on the crimes of [[capitalism]], the plight of the [[working class]] and [[imperialism]], began to see a steep decline in readership. The decline persisted into June. Search traffic to the World Socialist Web Site has been reduced by 75 percent overall. And the site is not alone. ... The reductions coincided with the introduction of algorithms imposed by [[Google]] to fight “fake news.” Google said the algorithms are designed to elevate “more authoritative content” and marginalize “blatantly misleading, low quality, offensive or downright false information.” It soon became apparent, however, that in the name of combating “fake news,” Google, Facebook, YouTube and Twitter are censoring left-wing, progressive and anti-war sites. The 150 most popular search terms that brought readers to the World Socialist Web Site, including “socialism,” “Russian Revolution” and “inequality,” today elicit little or no traffic. ** [[Chris Hedges]], "Thought Police for the 21st Century" ([https://www.truthdig.com/articles/thought-police-21st-century/ 21 January 2018]) * Is terrorism the greatest threat to our country, or a recession? I suggest to you today that '''the quickest, most direct way to ruin a democracy is to poison the information.''' ** [[Scott Pelley]], speech at [[w:Arizona State University|Arizona State University]] upon receiving the [[w:Walter Cronkite Award for Excellence in Journalism|Walter Cronkite Award for Excellence in Journalism]] award (21 November 2016) {{Cite web|url=https://cronkite.asu.edu/news-and-events/news/cbs-news-anchor-scott-pelley-receives-cronkite-award-asu-0|title=CBS News Anchor Scott Pelley Receives Cronkite Award from ASU'|}} *We live in a time of fake news - things that are made up and manufactured. ** [[Neil Portnow]]<ref>http://www.billboard.com/articles/news/grammys/7633028/grammy-billboard-roundtable-interview</ref> * In many ways Wikipedia pioneered the [fake news] phenomenon, and journalists' lazy reliance on using it as a source helped falsities to propagate on a scale never seen before. ** [[w:Andrew Orlowski|Andrew Orlowski]], [https://www.theregister.co.uk/2017/12/12/jimmy_wales_fake_news_keynote/ Why is Wikipedia man Jimbo Wales keynoting a fake news conference?], ''The Register'' (12 December 2017) *My definition of fake news is a content-like object that is a story, an article, a video, a tweet that has been fabricated, completely invented out of thin air, intentionally for the purpose of misleading. ** [[Vivian Schiller]]<ref>http://www.npr.org/2016/11/20/502770866</ref> * When terrorists attack, they’re terrorizing. When we attack, we’re retaliating. When they respond to our retaliation with further attacks, they’re terrorizing again. When we respond with further attacks, we’re retaliating again. When people decry civilian deaths caused by the U.S government, they're aiding propaganda efforts. In sharp contrast, when civilian deaths are caused by bombers who hate America, the perpetrators are evil and those deaths are tragedies. When they put bombs in cars and kill people, they're uncivilized killers. When we put bombs on missiles and kill people, we're upholding civilized values. When they kill, they're terrorists. When we kill, we're striking against terror. ** [[w:Norman Solomon|Norman Solomon]], [https://fair.org/media-beat-column/orwellian-logic-101-8212-a-few-simple-lessons/ "Orwellian Logic 101 — A Few Simple Lessons", in ''FAIR''] (27 August 1998) *[[George Orwell|Orwell]]'s [[1984]] explained that "the special function of certain [[w:Newspeak|Newspeak]] words … was not so much to express meanings as to destroy them." During the week after U.S. missiles hit sites in Sudan and Afghanistan, some Americans seemed uncomfortable. A vocal minority even voiced opposition. But approval was routine among those who had learned a few easy Orwellian lessons... At all times, Americans must be kept fully informed about who to hate and fear... No matter how many times they’ve lied in the past, U.S. officials are credible in the present. When they... [say] the bombed pharmaceutical factory in Khartoum was making ingredients for nerve gas, that should be good enough for us.... Might doesn’t make right — except in the real world, when it’s American might. Only someone of dubious political orientation would split hairs about [[international law]]. **[[Norman Solomon]] in [https://fair.org/media-beat-column/orwellian-logic-101-8212-a-few-simple-lessons/ '''Orwellian Logic 101 — A Few Simple Lessons, FAIR'''] (27 August 1998) * It is amazing what's happening to the discredited media like [[CNN]], [[MSDNC]], [[New York Times]], and [[Washington Post]]. Their businesses have dropped off a cliff, which is actually a very good thing for the [[American]] people, because they are Fake News (likewise the networks, [[ABC]], [[NBC]], [[CBS]]) ** [[Donald Trump]] '''[https://www.cnn.com/2021/08/30/politics/trump-legacy-fake-news/index.html Here's Donald Trump's most lasting, damaging legacy]''' (August 30, 2021) * ...a lot of people say they've lost trust in the media, and they think everything is propaganda. And then it becomes very hard to come to any kind of a consensus in society where we say, well, look; you and I disagree on a certain policy, but here are some facts underlying it, and we can at least agree on those facts, whereas now I feel like a lot of people are just adrift. They don't know what to believe. ** [[Jimmy Wales]] in [http://kacu.org/post/wikipedia-founder-says-internet-users-are-adrift-fake-news-era Wikipedia Founder Says Internet Users Are Adrift In The 'Fake News' Era], by [[w:Ari Shapiro|Ari Shapiro]], ''kacu.org'' (28 April 2018) * Our goal with fake news is not to prevent anyone from saying something untrue — but to stop fake news and misinformation spreading across our services. If something is spreading and is rated false by {{w|fact checkers}}, it would lose the vast majority of its distribution in {{w|News Feed}}. And of course if a post crossed line into advocating for violence or [[w:Hate speech|hate]] against a particular group, it would be removed. These issues are very challenging but I believe that often the best way to fight offensive bad speech is with good speech. ** [[Mark Zuckerberg]], as quoted in ''[https://www.recode.net/2018/7/18/17588116/mark-zuckerberg-clarifies-holocaust-denial-offensive Mark Zuckerberg clarifies: ‘I personally find Holocaust denial deeply offensive, and I absolutely didn’t intend to defend the intent of people who deny that.’]'' (July 18, 2018) by {{w|Kara Swisher}}, ''{{w|Recode}}''. * The “[[w:legacy media|legacy media]]” we work for have lost their role as information gatekeepers as technology erased entry barriers. Now, the verified and proven ability to get real information and strict rules against faking it are suddenly relevant again. A leaked audio posted on the web is worthless when it cannot be authenticated — but a recording made by a specific journalist with a job to protect and a news organization with a reputation to safeguard is a different matter. ** Leonid Bershidsky, [https://www.bloomberg.com/opinion/articles/2023-03-29/the-deepfake-revolution-may-revive-mainstream-media?leadSource=uverify%20wall The Deepfake Revolution May Bring a Media Revival], ''Bloomberg'' (29 March 2023) * One can fact-check news, but not beliefs. ** Carlos Diaz Ruiz, [https://doi.org/10.1177/07439156221103852 Disinformation and Echo Chambers: How Disinformation Circulates on Social Media Through Identity-Driven Controversies, 2023: 29] ==See also== * [[Alternative media]] * [[Censorship]] * [[Deception]] * [[Freedom of the press]] * [[Honesty]] * [[Mainstream media]] * [[Nineteen Eighty-Four]] * [[Oligarchy]] * [[Propaganda]] * [[Truth]] * [[Tyranny]] == External links == {{wikipedia}} [[Category:Discourse]] [[Category:Journalism]] [[Category:Politics]] otrtiqba2noiwm5shfsjrs749cf2m92 0 200148 3778729 3005321 2025-07-14T14:11:39Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Comedians]]; added [[Category:Comedians from Mexico]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778729 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Ramón Valdés circa 1950s photograph.jpg|thumb|Caray señor Barriga: ¡Ahora si que no le voy a poder pagar la renta! ([[Spanish language|Spanish]] for, Hell, Mr. Barriga: Now I'm not going to be able to pay the rent!).]] '''[[w:Ramón Valdés|Ramón Gómez Valdés de Castillo]]''', often credited as Ramón Valdés, ([[September 2|2 September]] [[1923]] – [[August 9|9 August]] [[1988]]) was a Mexican actor of film and television best known for his portrayal of Don Ramón in the popular sitcom El Chavo del Ocho. == Quotes == === As Don Ramón === * ¡Qué pasó qué pasó vamos ay! (Spanish for, What happened what happened, let's go!) ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u35jIrN_tyg Don Ramón - Qué pasó, que pasó, vamos ay !!] * No hay trabajo malo... lo malo es tener que trabajar. (Spanish for, There is no bad work ... the bad thing is having to work.) ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PMwNBZ7DZNM No hay trabajo malo... lo malo es tener que trabajar.] * Yo le voy al necaxa... (Spanish for, I'm going to the necaxa...) ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fc21s0ApLpo Don Ramon - Yo le voy al Necaxa.] * Y no te doy otra nomas porque.... (Spanish for, And I do not give you another one because ...) ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pysz4k4R-uU El Chavo del 8 - "y no te doy otra no mas porque!!"] * Cosa bonita, cosa bien hecha, cosa hermosa. (Spanish for, Pretty thing, thing well done, beautiful thing.) ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=knLYJDOnma4 cosa bonita, cosa bien hecha, cosa hermosa -Don ramon] * Tenía que ser el Chavo del Ocho. (Spanish for, It had to be the Chavo del Ocho.) ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XVrmJtPznNU Tenía que ser el Chavo del OOOCHOOOO!] * De todos modos yo ya estoy acostumbrado a recibir los golpes que me da la vida. (Spanish for, Anyways I'm already used to receiving the blows that life gives me.) ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=foKGA3c0q6g Don Ramón - Recibir los golpes que me da la vida] == External links == {{Wikipedia|Ramón Valdés}} {{Commons category|Ramón Valdés}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Valdés, Ramón}} [[Category:1923 births]] [[Category:1988 deaths]] [[Category:Actors from Mexico]] [[Category:Comedians from Mexico]] [[Category:People from Mexico City]] egfe7hps9kt5uh519prphjp6rwi0i38 0 201651 3778537 3369372 2025-07-14T12:41:12Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Architects]]; added [[Category:Architects from Switzerland]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778537 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Sophie Taeuber.jpg|right|thumb|photo of Sophie Taeuber, c. 1903]] '''[[w:Sophie Taeuber-Arp|Sophie Taeuber-Arp]]''' (19 January 1889 – 13 January 1943) was a Swiss [[artist]], [[painter]], [[sculptor]], [[w:textile designer|textile designer]], furniture and interior designer, architect and dancer. She is considered one of the most important artists of [[w:concrete art|concrete art]] and [[w:geometric abstraction|geometric abstraction]] of the 20th century. Sophie Taeuber-Arp did not sign or date her work until the last two years of her life, and she has left very few writings. == Quotes == [[File:Sophie Taeuber-Arp Composition Dada 1920.jpg|right|thumb|Sophie Taeuber, 1920: 'Composition Dada / Dada-Komposition']] [[File:Sophie Taeuber-Arp Oval Composition with Abstract Motifs 1922.jpg|right|thumb|Sophie Taeuber, 1922: 'Oval Composition with Abstract Motifs', textile]] [[File:Sophie Taeuber-Arp, Aubette 182.jpg|right|thumb|Sophie Taeuber, 1927: 'design for foyer-bar of [[w:Aubette (building)|L'Aubette']]', gouache on paper]] [[File:Sophie Taeuber-Arp - Kompozycja.jpg|right|thumb|Sophie Taeuber, 1931: 'Composition', oil-painting on canvas; current location: Museum of Art in Lódź]] * Elementary Forms in a Vertical-Horizontal Composition / Formes élémentaires en composition verticale-horizontale ** title of her work, 1917 - gouache, (29 x 24 cm). Stiftung Hans Arp und Sophie Taeuber-Arp e.V., Rolandswerth, inv. 003.550 * Composition in Dense, Polychrome, Quadrangular Spots / Composition en taches quadrangulaires, polychromes, denses ** title of her work, 1921 * I very much enjoyed working on the drawing, so much so that I made a whole series of small watercolors that I can use at any time for application on embroidered purses, pillows, rugs and wall hangings. ** Quote in a letter to her sister Erika Schlegel, 22 February, 1922; from: ''Today is Tomorrow, Sophie Taeuber-Arp'', ed. Thomas Schmutz; Aargauer Kunsthaus, and Zurich: Scheidegger & Spiess, 2014, p. 221 ** Taeuber describes creating a series of watercolors that she intends to rework across carpets, bags, pillows, and wall covers * ..the wish to produce beautiful things — when that wish is true and profound — falls together with [man's] striving for perfection. ** In Taeuber-Arp's article 'Remarks on the Instruction of Ornamental Design', in 'Bulletin de Tunion suisse des mattresses professionelles et menageres/ Korrespondenzblott' (Zurich), Jahrg. 14, no. 11 / 12 (Dec. 31 , 1922), p. 156 * The intrinsic decorative urge should not be eradicated. It is one of humankind's deep-rooted, primordial urges. Primitive people decorated their implements and cult objects with a desire to beautify and enhance.. ..it is a sense emanating from the urge for perfection and creative accomplishment. ** Quote of 1927, on [http://www.theartstory.org/artist-taeuber-arp-sophie.htm The Artstory: 'Sophie Taeuber-Arp], Swiss Multi-media, applied arts, performance artist, and textile designer' * I think I have spoken enough to you about serious things; which is why I speak [now] of something to which I attribute great value, still too little appreciated — gaiety. It is gaiety, basically, that allows us to have no fear before the problems of life and to find a natural solution to them. ** In a letter of Taeuber-Arp, 1937, to a goddaughter on the occasion of her confirmation; as quoted in [https://www.moma.org/d/c/exhibition_catalogues/W1siZiIsIjMwMDA2MjY2MCJdLFsicCIsImVuY292ZXIiLCJ3d3cubW9tYS5vcmcvY2FsZW5kYXIvZXhoaWJpdGlvbnMvMjI2MSIsImh0dHBzOi8vd3d3Lm1vbWEub3JnL2NhbGVuZGFyL2V4aGliaXRpb25zLzIyNjE%2FbG9jYWxlPWVuIiwiaSJdXQ.pdf?sha=73a64e585a97e2b9 ''Sophie Taeuber-Arp'', Carolyn Lanchner;] Museum of Modern Art, 1981, p. 18 ISBN 0870705989 == Quotes about Sophie Taeuber-Arp == * I met Sophie Taeuber in Zurich in 1915. Even then she already knew how to give direct and palpable shape to her inner reality. In those days this kind of art was called 'abstract art'. Now it is known as 'concrete art,' for nothing is more concrete than the psychic reality it expresses. Like music this art is tangible inner reality she was already dividing the surface of a watercolor into squares and rectangles which she juxtaposed horizontally and perpendicularly. She constructed her painting like a work of masonry. The colors are luminous, going from rawest yellow to deep red or.. ..blue. ** [[Jean Arp|Arp]], c. 1949; in 'Sophie Taeuber-Arp', Hans Arp; in ''Arp on Arp: Poems, Essays, Memories'', ed. Marcel Jean, transl. Joachim Neugroschel; Viking Press, New York 1972, p. 222 * At most anytime you would find them [Sophie and [[Jean Arp|Hans Arp]] ] busy with gluing, stitching, cutting, weaving or building marionettes, which they would let dangle from hooks in the ceiling. The mood was like the first day of Creation, Arp and Sophie re-inventing the world, together with new laws and possibilities of understanding. There was something ethereal about this couple; they resembled two winged ants or butterflies above a flowering meadow: she gracious, smiling, calm; he amused and comical, with hands that were constantly busy kneading, caressing, and assembling. ** [[w:Claire Goll|Claire Goll]]: in ''Ich verzeihe keinem'', p. 63; as quoted by Isabel Wünsche in: ''Marianne Werefkin and the Women Artists in Her Circle'', ed. Tanja Malycheva, Isabel Wünsche; Publisher: Brill. (2017), p. 59 ** The two married artists (in 1922) shared similar artistic interests; rejecting traditional forms of expression, they explored together in their studio a broad variety of materials and techniques. [[w:Claire Goll|Claire Goll]] visited them frequently there == External links == {{Wikipedia}} {{Commons category|Sophie Taeuber-Arp}} * [http://artjournal.collegeart.org/?p=4680 'Dada Dance: Sophie Taeuber’s Visceral Abstraction'], Nell Andrew, 3 July, 2014 / Archive, Highlighted Content * [https://www.moma.org/documents/moma_catalogue_2261_300062660.pdf 'Sophie Taeuber-Arp', essay by Carolyn Lanchner], 1981; publisher: The Museum of Modern Art {{DEFAULTSORT:Taeuber-Arp, Sophie}} [[Category:1889 births]] [[Category:1943 deaths]] [[Category:Painters from Switzerland]] [[Category:Sculptors]] [[Category:Designers]] [[Category:Architects from Switzerland]] [[Category:Dancers]] gmsr90cv8o1rp6izs98q2l4qw21zb3h 0 201739 3778745 3771412 2025-07-14T15:49:57Z 160.72.80.178 /* Quotes */ "Quotation by [[Robert L. Holmes]]"~~~~NHPL 3778745 wikitext text/x-wiki The expression '''{{w|military–industrial complex}}''' ('''MIC''') describes the relationship between a nation's [[military]] and the [[w:arms industry|arms industry]] that supplies it, seen together as a vested interest which influences [[public policy]]. == Quotes == * In the councils of government, we must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by the military-industrial complex. The potential for the disastrous rise of misplaced power exists and will persist. We must never let the weight of this combination endanger our liberties or democratic processes. We should take nothing for granted. Only an alert and knowledgeable citizenry can compel the proper meshing of the huge industrial and military machinery of defense with our peaceful methods and goals, so that security and liberty may prosper together. ** [[Dwight D. Eisenhower]], [[w:Dwight D. Eisenhower's farewell address|Farewell Address]] (January 17, 1961) * What I mean by saying that [[war]] is wrong is not only that it is bad but that it ought not to be waged, that governments ought not to declare and fight wars, societies ought not to provide them with the means by which to do so, and individuals ought not to sanction, support and participate in wars. ** [[Robert L. Holmes]], ''On War and Morality'' [https://books.google.com/books?id=TBoABAAAQBAJ&q=Robert+L.+Holms#v=onepage&q=Robert%20L.%20Holms&f=false (1989)] p. 15 * It is not nuclear violence alone that is the threat to mankind. It is the willingness to kill our fellow human beings – the innocent as well as the noninnocent- for political ends. Unless we are willing to redirect our time, energy, and resources away from perfecting the means of mass destruction of whatever sort and into exploring nonviolent alternatives to war itself, our efforts to combat the threat of nuclear war are likely to be of no avail. ** [[Robert L. Holmes]], ''On War and Morality'' [https://books.google.com/books?id=TBoABAAAQBAJ&q=Robert+L.+Holms#v=onepage&q=Robert%20L.%20Holms&f=false (1989)] Introduction p. 10 * Sending lethal western capabilities to the [[w:Russo-Ukrainian War|front lines]] has been a direct investment in America’s own security in a number of concrete ways. :First, equipping our friends on the front lines to defend themselves is a far cheaper way – in both dollars and American lives – to degrade Russia’s ability to threaten the United States. :Second, Ukraine’s effective defense of its territory is teaching us lessons about how to improve the defenses of partners who are threatened by China. It is no surprise that senior officials from Taiwan are so supportive of efforts to help Ukraine defeat Russia. :Third, most of the money that’s been appropriated for Ukraine security assistance doesn’t actually go to Ukraine. It gets invested in American defense manufacturing. It funds new weapons and munitions for the U.S. armed forces to replace the older material we have provided to Ukraine. :Let me be clear: this assistance means more jobs for American workers and newer weapons for American servicemembers. :* U. S. Senator [[Mitch McConnell]]. Aid to Ukraine is an Investment in America’s Security. [https://www.republicanleader.senate.gov/newsroom/remarks/aid-to-ukraine-is-an-investment-in-americas-security June 12, 2023] ==See also == {{col-begin}} {{col-2}} * [[American exceptionalism|American exceptionalism]] * [[Anti-Russian sentiment]] * [[Anti-war movement]] * [[Capitalism]] * [[Corruption]] * [[Crimes against humanity|Crimes Against Humanity]] * [[Deception]] * [[Evil]] * [[Fear]] * [[Foreign policy of the United States]] * [[Greed]] * [[Hegemony]] * [[Imperialism]] * [[Insanity]] * [[International Criminal Court]] * [[International law]] {{col-2}} * [[Iraq War]] * [[Military]] * [[NATO]] * [[Noblesse oblige]] * [[Nuclear weapons]] * [[The Pentagon]] * [[Propaganda]] * [[Oligarchy]] * [[Operating Manual for Spaceship Earth|''Operating Manual for Spaceship Earth'', by Buckminster Fuller, (1969)]] * [[Rule of law]] * [[War crimes]] * [[Totalitarianism]] * [[Tyranny]] * [[Smedley Butler|''War is a Racket'', by Smedley Butler]] * [[World peace]] {{col-end}} == External links == {{wikipedia}} [[Category:Economics]] [[Category:War]] 08ay75is3yk3kxjff8qjomv3ekbern8 3778801 3778745 2025-07-14T19:07:30Z C.J. Griffin 862699 /* Quotes */ Adding quotes 3778801 wikitext text/x-wiki The expression '''{{w|military–industrial complex}}''' ('''MIC''') describes the relationship between a nation's [[military]] and the [[w:arms industry|arms industry]] that supplies it, seen together as a vested interest which influences [[public policy]]. == Quotes == * As Eisenhower delivered his somber address, the foundations of the military-industrial complex were already set and began multiplying and manifesting in different institutions, disciplines, fields of research, and social institutions. The military-industrial complex was but part of a larger revolution bent on remaking American society, Western Europe, and ultimately the entire globe in its own image of power, subjugation, and profit. At the same time, its autonomy congealed within basic paradigms or structures rooted in imperatives of control, domination, efficiency, and profit within various hierarchical systems of rule. In this sense, as [[Noam Chomsky]] has described it, the military-industrial complex is "a misnomer . . . There is no military-industrial complex: it’s just the industrial system operating under one or another pretext." **[[Steven Best]], "Introduction: Pathologies of Power and the Rise of the Global Industrial Complex", in Steven Best; Richard Kahn; Anthony J. Nocella II; [[w:Peter McLaren|Peter McLaren]] (eds.). ''[https://drstevebest.files.wordpress.com/2020/01/gic-complete-manuscript-final.pdf The Global Industrial Complex: Systems of Domination]''. 2011. p. xvi * These [[w:Industrial Complex|systems]], moreover, interrelate and reinforce one another. We can see this, for instance, in how the constellation in which the academic industrial complex does research for the medical industrial complex and Big Pharma, exploiting the nonhuman animal slaves of the [[w:Animal–industrial complex|animal industrial complex]] in university, military, and private vivisection laboratories and producing fraudulent research financed by and for pharmaceutical capital. The dubiously researched drugs are patented, typically fast-tracked into market sales by the obliging Food and Drug Administration, and then advertised through the media industrial complex. Up to 115 million animals die worldwide annually to perpetuate this fraud, and the human victims of research-for-profit succumb to the medical industrial complex for costly "disease management" (not "health care") treatment that treats only symptoms to focus on the ultimate objective of profit. The dissent of animal rights activists is criminalized by the security industrial complex, and many are sent off to languish, along with one out of every one hundred adults in the U.S. population incarcerated in the [[w:Prison–industrial complex|prison industrial complex]]. **[[Steven Best]], "Introduction: Pathologies of Power and the Rise of the Global Industrial Complex", in Steven Best; Richard Kahn; Anthony J. Nocella II; [[w:Peter McLaren|Peter McLaren]] (eds.). ''[https://drstevebest.files.wordpress.com/2020/01/gic-complete-manuscript-final.pdf The Global Industrial Complex: Systems of Domination]''. 2011. pp. xvi-xvii * In the councils of government, we must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by the military-industrial complex. The potential for the disastrous rise of misplaced power exists and will persist. We must never let the weight of this combination endanger our liberties or democratic processes. We should take nothing for granted. Only an alert and knowledgeable citizenry can compel the proper meshing of the huge industrial and military machinery of defense with our peaceful methods and goals, so that security and liberty may prosper together. ** [[Dwight D. Eisenhower]], [[w:Dwight D. Eisenhower's farewell address|Farewell Address]] (January 17, 1961) * What I mean by saying that [[war]] is wrong is not only that it is bad but that it ought not to be waged, that governments ought not to declare and fight wars, societies ought not to provide them with the means by which to do so, and individuals ought not to sanction, support and participate in wars. ** [[Robert L. Holmes]], ''On War and Morality'' [https://books.google.com/books?id=TBoABAAAQBAJ&q=Robert+L.+Holms#v=onepage&q=Robert%20L.%20Holms&f=false (1989)] p. 15 * It is not nuclear violence alone that is the threat to mankind. It is the willingness to kill our fellow human beings – the innocent as well as the noninnocent- for political ends. Unless we are willing to redirect our time, energy, and resources away from perfecting the means of mass destruction of whatever sort and into exploring nonviolent alternatives to war itself, our efforts to combat the threat of nuclear war are likely to be of no avail. ** [[Robert L. Holmes]], ''On War and Morality'' [https://books.google.com/books?id=TBoABAAAQBAJ&q=Robert+L.+Holms#v=onepage&q=Robert%20L.%20Holms&f=false (1989)] Introduction p. 10 * Sending lethal western capabilities to the [[w:Russo-Ukrainian War|front lines]] has been a direct investment in America’s own security in a number of concrete ways. :First, equipping our friends on the front lines to defend themselves is a far cheaper way – in both dollars and American lives – to degrade Russia’s ability to threaten the United States. :Second, Ukraine’s effective defense of its territory is teaching us lessons about how to improve the defenses of partners who are threatened by China. It is no surprise that senior officials from Taiwan are so supportive of efforts to help Ukraine defeat Russia. :Third, most of the money that’s been appropriated for Ukraine security assistance doesn’t actually go to Ukraine. It gets invested in American defense manufacturing. It funds new weapons and munitions for the U.S. armed forces to replace the older material we have provided to Ukraine. :Let me be clear: this assistance means more jobs for American workers and newer weapons for American servicemembers. :* U. S. Senator [[Mitch McConnell]]. Aid to Ukraine is an Investment in America’s Security. [https://www.republicanleader.senate.gov/newsroom/remarks/aid-to-ukraine-is-an-investment-in-americas-security June 12, 2023] ==See also == {{col-begin}} {{col-2}} * [[American exceptionalism|American exceptionalism]] * [[Anti-Russian sentiment]] * [[Anti-war movement]] * [[Capitalism]] * [[Corruption]] * [[Crimes against humanity|Crimes Against Humanity]] * [[Deception]] * [[Evil]] * [[Fear]] * [[Foreign policy of the United States]] * [[Greed]] * [[Hegemony]] * [[Imperialism]] * [[Insanity]] * [[International Criminal Court]] * [[International law]] {{col-2}} * [[Iraq War]] * [[Military]] * [[NATO]] * [[Noblesse oblige]] * [[Nuclear weapons]] * [[The Pentagon]] * [[Propaganda]] * [[Oligarchy]] * [[Operating Manual for Spaceship Earth|''Operating Manual for Spaceship Earth'', by Buckminster Fuller, (1969)]] * [[Rule of law]] * [[War crimes]] * [[Totalitarianism]] * [[Tyranny]] * [[Smedley Butler|''War is a Racket'', by Smedley Butler]] * [[World peace]] {{col-end}} == External links == {{wikipedia}} [[Category:Economics]] [[Category:War]] dhdhc6vta134v89iqp6bfbai26turmf 0 202341 3778538 3363538 2025-07-14T12:41:28Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Architects]]; added [[Category:Architects from Russia]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778538 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Tatlin VE.jpg|thumb|right|photo of Vladimir Tatlin, 1920]] '''[[w:Vladimir Yevgraphovich Tatlin|Vladimir Yevgraphovich Tatlin]]''' (8 December 1885 – 31 May 1953) was a [[USSR|Soviet]] painter and architect. With [[Kazimir Malevich]] he was one of the two most important figures in the [[w:Soviet art#Soviet Avant-Garde art|Soviet avant-garde]] art movement of the 1920's; later he became an important artist in the [[Constructivism (art)|Constructivist]] movement. He is most famous for his design for '[[w:The Monument to the Third International|The Monument to the Third International]]'. == Quotes == :<small>'''sorted chronologically, by date of the quotes of Vladimir Tatlin'''</small> [[File:Female Model by Vladimir Tatlin 1913.jpg|right|thumb|Tatlin, 1913: 'Female Model / Натурщица', oil-painting on canvas; current location: [[w:Tretyakov Gallery|Tretyakov Gallery]], Moscow; quote from the diary of [[w:Lyubov Popova|Popova]]:'' 'After seeing Picasso's Cubist constructions [later in 1913], Tatlin said, he began to work according to other principles [than Cubism] ]] [[File:A Life for the Tsar (Tatlin) 05.jpg|right|thumb|Tatlin, 1913: a design for '[[w:A Life for the Tsar|A Life for the Tsar']] ]] [[File:Counter-relief by V.Tatlin (1916, GTG) 02 by shakko.JPG|right|thumb|Tatlin, 1916: 'Counter-relief' lacquered mahogany, iron, wood, zinc; current location: [[w:Tretyakov Gallery|Tretyakov Gallery]], Moscow: quote of Tatlin, before 1920:'' 'Let's split open our figures and place the environment inside them..' '']] [[File:Tatlin's Tower maket 1919 year.jpg|right|thumb|Tatlin, 1919: 'Maquette of 'The Monument to the Third International' (often called the [[w:Tatlin's Tower|'Tatlin's Tower']]); there are models in the Moderna Museet in Stockholm, Sweden, at Tretyakov Gallery in Moscow, and at Musée National d'Art Moderne, Centre Georges Pompidou in Paris]] [[File:Stockholm Moderna Museet Collection Vladimir Tatlin The Monument to the Third International, 1919 (5201338122).jpg|right|thumb|Tatlin, 1919: 'The Monument to the Third International', a recent-made copy of [[w:Tatlin's Tower|'Tatlin's Tower']], 1919; location: Moderna Museet Collection - Stockholm; quote of Tatlin, c. 1920's:'' 'It was to be dynamic, both in its outward form and inward activity..' '']] [[File:Stockholm Moderna Museet Collection Vladimir Tatlin Letatlin, 1930-32 (5200746581).jpg|right|thumb|Tatlin, 1929-1932: 'Letatlin No. 3' a human-powered ornithopter; current location: [[w:Central Air Force Museum|Central Air Force Museum]], at Monino Airfield, Russia; - quote of Tatlin, c. 1930:'' 'I too want to give back to man the feeling of flight [with this air-bike, as he called it]. This we have been robbed of by the mechanical flight of the aeroplane. We cannot feel the movement of our body in the air.' '']] === Quotes, 1910 - 1925 === * In reinforced concrete we have not only a new material but, of far greater consequence, new constructions and a new method for designing buildings. Therefore, in using [reinforced concrete], we have to renounce the old traditions and concern ourselves with meeting new tasks. ** Quote in: 'Zodchii 19' (1915), p. 198; as quoted by Vasilii Rakitin, in ''The great Utopia - The Russian and Soviet Avant-Garde, 1915-1932''; Guggenheim Museum, New York, 1992, p. 30 * Let's split open our figures and place the environment inside them. ** Quote before 1920; ac cited by Christina Lodder, in ''Russian Constructivism'', (New Haven: Yale University Press, 1983), 17 * [iron and glass, the] 'materials of the new Classicism'. ** Quote, 1921: in ''Nasha predstoiashchaia rabota,'', V. Tatlin, T Shapiro, I. Meerzon, and P. Vinogradov, 'VIII s"ezd sovetov. Ezhednevnyi biulleten' s"ezda 13 (January 1, 1921), p. 11; as cited by Vasilii Rakitin, in ''The great Utopia - The Russian and Soviet Avant-Garde, 1915-1932''; Guggenheim Museum, New York, 1992, p. 30 * [to create] A union of purely artistic forms for a utilitarian purpose.. [referring to his [https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/2/28/Inner_yard_of_the_Royal_Academy_of_Arts_%28January_2012%29_-_panoramio.jpg Tower / Monument], with a height of 400 meters, but never constructued] ** Quote, c. 1920; as cited by Camilla Gray, ''The Russian Experiment in Art: 1863-1922'', London: Thames and Hudson, 1962, p. 225 * It [ [https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/4/47/Stockholm_Moderna_Museet_Collection_Vladimir_Tatlin_The_Monument_to_the_Third_International%2C_1919_%285201338122%29.jpg [his Tower] ] was to be dynamic, both in its outward form and inward activity.. ** Quote, c. 1920's; as cited by Camilla Gray, ''The Russian Experiment in Art: 1863-1922'', London: Thames and Hudson, 1962, p. 226 * [the task of material culture is] to shed light on the tasks of production in our country, and also to discover the place of the artist-constructor in production, in relation to improving the quality both of the manufactured product and of the organization of the new way of life in general. ** Quote, May 1924; from Tatlin's lecture on 'Material Culture and Its Role in the Production of Life in the USSR'; as quoted by Larissa A. Zhadova, ed., ''Tatlin'', trans. Paul Filotas et al; Thames and Hudson, London, 1988, p. 252 ** In May 1924, right in the middle of [[w:New Economic Policy|N.E.P.]], Tatlin offered his synoptic statement of what was still the task of material culture === Quotes, 1926 - 1954 === * The influence of my art is expressed in the movement of the [[Constructivism (art)|Constructivists]], of which I am the founder – Tatlin. ** Quoted from a biographical note written by Tatlin in 1929, published in ''Tatlin', Weingarten; Kunstverlag Weingarten, 1987), p. 328; as quoted by Vasilii Rakitin, in ''The great Utopia - The Russian and Soviet Avant-Garde, 1915-1932''; Guggenheim Museum, New York, 1992, p. 34 * The dream [of flying] is as old as Icarus.. .I too want to give back to man the feeling of flight [with his 'Letatlin'-air-bike, 1929-1932]. This we have been robbed of by the mechanical flight of the aeroplane. We cannot feel the movement of our body in the air. ** quote, c. 1930; [https://utopiadystopiawwi.wordpress.com/constructivism/vladimir-tatlin/letalin/] cited by Christina Lodder, in ''Russian Constructivism''; Yale University Press, Connecticut, 1983, p. 213 ** The 'Letatlin' was a glider, what Tatlin called an 'air bike', since it would be manually pedaled by the user and contain no motor * The engineers made hard forms. Evil. With angles. They are easily broken. The world is round and soft.. ** quote, c. 1930; [https://utopiadystopiawwi.wordpress.com/constructivism/vladimir-tatlin/letalin/ cited by Christina Lodder], in ''Russian Constructivism''; Yale University Press, Connecticut, 1983, p. 214 ** The 'Letatlin' Tatlin constructed in organic round and oval forms == Quotes about Vladimir Tatlin == :<small>'''sorted chronologically, by date of the quotes about Vladimir Tatlin'''</small> * [Moscow, Spring of 1914:] Dear Sirs, On the 10th, 11th, 12th, 13th, and 14th of May this year the studio of Vladimir Tatlin (57 Ostozhenka, apartment 3) will be open from 6 to 8 p.m. for a free viewing of his synthetic-static compositions. In addition, at seven o'clock on the aforementioned days, the Futurist Sergei Podgaevskii will dynamically declaim his latest poetic transrational records. ** as quoted by Vasilii Rakitin, in ''The great Utopia - The Russian and Soviet Avant-Garde, 1915-1932''; Guggenheim Museum, New York, 1992, p. 25 * I am familiar with Tatlin's theatrical designs in which there is a charming and original quality of color and an unusual balancing [ekvilibristika] of line-{illeg.}. Perhaps this is only trickery, but even trickery is already an art, and for this talent is required. ** Quote from [[w:Alexandre Benois|Benua]], in his review of the [[w:0,10 Exhibition|0.10 exhibition]] (Dec. 1915/Jan. 1916): "Posledniaia futuristicheskaia vystavka," p. 3.; as quoted by Jane A, Sharp, in Chapter 'The Critical Reception of the 0.10 Exhibition: Malevich and Benua, in ''The great Utopia - The Russian and Soviet Avant-Garde, 1915-1932''; Guggenheim Museum, New York, 1992, p. 50 - note 15 * [Tatlin, in a lecture] expressed his dissatisfaction with authorities who did not really support his endeavors to work in industrial concerns. ** Quote of K. Miklashevskii, 1920's in ''Hypertrophy in Art'', note 37: 37 K; as quoted by Larissa A. Zhadova, ed., ''Tatlin'', trans. Paul Filotas et al; Thames and Hudson, London, 1988, p. 137 n. 35 * If the idea of the monument [ [[w:Tatlin's Tower|Tatlin's Tower]] ] is truly new and valuable, then it will never die. Prophets have not always been stoned and imposters have not always succeeded. ** In the 'Petrogradskaia Pravda', December 1920, quoted from an undated newspaper clipping in the collection of A. Korsakova, Moscow (transl. Vasilii Rakitin, 1992) * An absurd and naive, monstrous beast [ [[w:Tatlin's Tower|Tatlin's Tower]] ] with a radio-telegraph horn on its head and the legislative assembly of the Third International in its belly? ** Quote of N. Radlov, in ''futurizme'', (St. Petersburg: "Akvilon," 1923), p. 48 (transl. Vasilii Rakitin, 1992) * The Council of People's Commissars would flee from such a building on the first sunny day and, camped out nearby on the grass, would immediately issue a decree that Tatlin's tower is for rent, at public auction, to horticulturists wishing to grow pineapples. ** Quote of K. Miklashevskii, in 'Gipertrofiia iskusstva' (Petrograd, 1924), p. 59 (transl. Vasilii Rakitin, 1992) * Tatlin does not transcend the confines of [[Cubism]]. ** Quote by [[Kazimir Malevich]] c. 1928, in 'The Constructive Painting of Russian Artists and Constructivism', in ''K. S. Malevich, Essays on Art'', ed. Troels Andersen, (transl. Xenia Glowacki-Prus & Arnold McMillin), London: Rapp & Whiting, 1969, vol. 2, pp. 74-84 ** Malevich asked his students and followers to repeat this short sentence after him, during his teachings * 'Letatlin' (1929-32) is a flying bird, Tatlin's bicycle, on which one can 'sail' through the air. In artistic circles reactions varied yet all struck basically the same chord: ''he's flown out of art,'' - ''a move into technology''.. ** Quote of E. Kronman, in 'Ukhod v tekhniku. Tatlin 1 'Letatlin,' in 'Brigada khudozhnikov 6' (1932), pp. 19-23; cited by Vasilii Rakitin in ''The great Utopia - The Russian and Soviet Avant-Garde, 1915-1932''; Guggenheim Museum, New York, 1992 - note 73 ** The name 'Letatlin' is a combination of the Russian word 'letat', meaning: 'to fly', and Tatlin's own last name * [Tatlin and his 'Letatlin'] an amazing character, but absolutely no artist. ** Quote of [[w:Anatoly Efros|A. Efros]], in 'Mastera raznykh epokh', 'Sovetskii khudozhnik, (Moscow, 1979), p. 547; cited by Vasilii Rakitin in ''The great Utopia - The Russian and Soviet Avant-Garde, 1915-1932''; Guggenheim Museum, New York, 1992 - note 74 * ['Letatlin' is] not so much.. ..an invention as.. ..a sui-generis work of art ** quote of N. Frausek, in 'Iskusstvo v tekhniku', 'Tekhnika', April 9, 1932, p. 4; cited by Vasilii Rakitin in ''The great Utopia - The Russian and Soviet Avant-Garde, 1915-1932''; Guggenheim Museum, New York, 1992 - note 75 * In her diary, [[w:Lyubov Popova|Popova]] recorded Tatlin's story about how, right before his departure from Paris for Moscow [in 1913], he visited 'Pavel' [[Picasso]] himself.. ..(see A. Strigalev, ''O poezdke Tatlina v Berlin i Parizh,'' in 'Iskusstvo 2' (1989), pp. 39-43).. .After seeing Picasso's Cubist constructions, Tatlin said, he began to work according to other principles [than [[Cubism]] ]. ** Vasilii Rakitin, in ''The great Utopia - The Russian and Soviet Avant-Garde, 1915-1932''; Guggenheim Museum, New York, 1992, p. 29 * The [[Constructivism (art)|Constructivists]] recklessly spoke of replacing art with life and wanted to make the object of production the object of art. Tatlin built a stove in his room to keep from freezing, sewed a specially tailored coat to keep from shivering in the wind, and cut himself a comfortable work suit. Playing with the industrial production of an object was not the last motivation of the design solutions of the Moscow Constructivists. ** Vasilii Rakitin, in ''The great Utopia - The Russian and Soviet Avant-Garde, 1915-1932''; Guggenheim Museum, New York, 1992, p. 34 == external links == {{wikipedia}} {{commonscat|Vladimir Tatlin}} * [https://monoskop.org/Vladimir_Tatlin biography and art-images of Tatlin on Monoskop] * [https://utopiadystopiawwi.wordpress.com/constructivism/vladimir-tatlin/letalin/ information about 'Letatlin'] {{DEFAULTSORT:Tatlin, Vladimir}} [[Category:1885 births]] [[Category:1953 deaths]] [[Category:Architects from Russia]] [[Category:Painters from Russia]] [[Category:Sculptors]] [[Category:Designers]] [[Category:People from Moscow]] e6y58sk1uull5ytbmqv42xf0ljbjpfo 0 206009 3778747 3777891 2025-07-14T15:59:59Z 2A02:2F01:6319:4600:CD8C:8F4A:DC68:E839 /* Chaos At The Earth's Core [3.3] */ 3778747 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''{{w|Justice League Unlimited}}''' (JLU) is an American animated television series that was produced by Warner Bros. Animation and aired on Cartoon Network. Featuring a wide array of superheroes from the DC Comics universe, and specifically based on the Justice League superhero team, it is a direct sequel to the previous Justice League animated series. ==Season 1== ===''Initiation'' [1.1]=== :'''Green Arrow''': Well, well, the great and glorious Green Lantern. What, did you run out of alien menaces to beat on, you have to horn in on my turf? :'''Green Lantern''': You're welcome. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': Each of you brings something different to the table. Strength. Speed. Stealth. Whatever. But we're all equal in at least one way: Each of us is willing to make the sacrifices a hero needs to make, even the ultimate one. Since there are so many of us, we have a chance to do more than just put out fires, both literal and figurative. We can be proactive. We can do some real good in the world. But we're going to have to be organized. J'onn'll be up here keeping an eye on everything. He'll be the one to decide whose going where and when. I know a lot of you are used to making those decisions for yourself, but from now on we have to be more coordinated than that. We can't be cowboys any more... or cowgirls. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Green Arrow|Green Arrow]]''': C'mon, I don't belong up here, fighting monsters and aliens and supervillains. I just help the little guy. And a big club like this, you tend to forget all about him. So gee whiz, I'm flattered to be asked and all. But NO THANKS. :'''Batman''': Suit yourself... ''[starts to walk away, then turns back]'' Those monsters you don't fight? They tend to STEP on little guys. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': Is that a ''Containment'' suit? :'''[[w:Captain Atom|Captain Atom]]''': Uh-huh. I'm not flesh and blood anymore, just living energy. :'''Green Arrow''': That wouldn't be NUCLEAR energy, would it? :'''Captain Atom''': With a name like Captain Atom, what do you think? :'''Green Arrow''': ''I'' think you're what I marched against back in college. <hr width="50%"> :'''[[w:Supergirl|Supergirl]]''': Why don't you take the stick out, Corporal? :'''Captain Atom''': Captain. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Supergirl''': He asked you a question! :'''General Kwan''': Don't answer him! That's classified inform- :'''Supergirl''': ''[picks him up]'' I've just about ''had'' it with you guys! You've got 'til the count of five. One... FOUR... ''[her eyes start to glow]'' :'''Captain Atom''': I'd speak up if I were you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': So what's the plan? :'''[[w:Captain Atom|Captain Atom]]''': I shove these carbon rods in the robots reactor, that should stop it. :'''Green Arrow''': I gotta say that's not much of a plan, if you get that close the heat will fry you. :'''Captain Atom''': I know. :'''Green Arrow''': But.. :'''Captain Atom''': If this doesn't work, contact the League, they'll know what to do next. :'''Green Arrow''': Captain. :''[Green Arrow shakes hands with Captain Atom]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Supergirl''': So, aren't you gonna give me the "you did good" speech? :'''Green Lantern''': You're headstrong, unprofessional and reckless. If you ever jeopardize yourself or your teammates again by running off half-cocked without a battle plan, I will personally see to it that you are kicked out of the League, I don't care who your cousin is. ''[He turns and begins to leave]'' And incidentally, you did good. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Showers/locker room area]'' :'''Batman''': Well, if it isn't the monster-killer. :'''Green Arrow''': I was lucky. So was everybody else. Still don't think I belong up here. :'''Batman''': That's the point. Someone like you will keep us honest. :'''Green Arrow''': Gee, Bats, I don't know. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a good radiation burn as much as the next guy, but I don't think... :''[Loses his train of thought as he sees Black Canary across the room, pulling up her boots.]'' :'''Batman''': So...see you soon? :'''Green Arrow''': You just might. ===''For The Man Who Has Everything'' [1.2]=== :''[Getting Superman a gift.]'' :'''Batman''': What'd you get him? :'''Wonder Woman''': I'm not saying anything ''[whispering]'' He'll hear, and spoil the surprise. :'''Batman''': He can hear that, too. :'''Wonder Woman''': How about you? :'''Batman''': He's not the easiest person in the world to buy birthday presents for. ''[holds up an envelope]'' :'''Wonder Woman''': Bruce... you didn't get him a gift certificate? :'''Batman''': ''[offended]'' No! ...cash. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Mongul! :'''Mongul''': You recognize me! I'm flattered. I suppose Superman told you all about our previous encounter. :'''Batman''': You mean how he humiliated you? :'''Mongul''': A... jaundiced account. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mongul''': The Black Mercy is a telepathic species. It reads the heart's desire and feeds the individual a totally convincing simulation of it. :'''Batman''': So he's dreaming. :'''Mongul''': Oh, far deeper than any dream. I wonder where he thinks he is. Sitting on a throne, ruling the universe. All you human garbage fawning at his feet. More honest, don't you think? Than this pretense of being a selfless hero. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mongul''': You don't understand. He was the only obstacle in my way. The rest of you... are already dead. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mongul''': Oh, dear. Is that a neural impactor? I didn't know that they were still making those. I'd advise you to try the plasma disruptor. It's more of a woman's weapon. :'''Wonder Woman''': Go to- ''[fires]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': He'll kill her, Clark. And then he'll kill us all! Shake it off! Come back to us! Please.. <hr width="50%"/> :''[On Krypton; Kal-El is with his son Van-El on the roof of his father's lab, as Van looks through a telescope]'' :'''Van-El''': Dad! ''[The ground shakes]'' Dad? You've gotta look at thi- ''[Sees Kal-El's troubled expression]'' What's...what's the matter? Why are you - :'''Kal-El''': Van, when you were born, it was the happiest day of my life. When I first saw your beautiful little face, your tiny fingers squeezed my hand so tight, like you never wanted to let go. I've watched every step, every struggle...I-I've... but, Van...''[eyes begin to water]'' oh, Rao help me... but I don't think you're real. I don't think any of this is-is real.. :'''Van-El''': Don't say that, Daddy...please, you're scaring me... ''[hugs his father]'' :'''Kal-El''': No, no, I don't want to scare you, Van. You are everything I ever wanted in a son. This...this is everything I ever wanted in a life. But I've got responsibilities, Van, and I...have to...go now... :''[Hugs his son as Krypton begins to tear itself apart, and kisses him on the forehead]'' :'''Van-El''': ''[Tearful]'' Daddy... :'''Kal-El''': I promise you... I'll never forget. :''[Krypton explodes]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': Do you have any idea what you did to me?! :'''Mongul''': I fashioned a prison that you couldn't leave without sacrificing your heart's desire. It must have been like tearing off your own arm. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mongul''': Happy birthday, Kryptonian. I give you... ''oblivion''. :'''Superman''': '''''BURN'''!'' ''[ignites Mongul with heat vision]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mongul''': You know, for a moment there, I almost believed you were going to kill me. How stupid of you to hesitate like that. Not a mistake I'll make, I can assure you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mongul''': You should have stayed in whatever happy fantasy the Black Mercy granted you. :'''Superman''': HAPPY??! Do you know what I've lost?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mongul is ensnared by the Black Mercy]'' :'''Wonder Woman''': I wonder what he's seeing. :'''Batman''': Whatever it is, it's too good for him. :''[The camera draw closer to Mongul's beaten face, who's trying to give a small, satisfied smile while low sounds of screams and explosions are heard in background]'' ===''Kid Stuff'' [1.3]=== :''[All the adults have been banished from the Earth, courtesy of Mordred.]'' :'''Mordred''': This better be worth it, mother. I mean it. :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': If the legends are true, it will be. :'''Mordred''': You've been saying stuff like that for, like, centuries. Nothing ever changes. :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': Everything's changed. Except you, Mordred. And that's because I want you to still be young when I give you your kingdom. :'''Mordred''': I want to be king now! 'What's this thing?' 'Another stupid charm?' :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': It's the amulet of first magic. The source of all Earthly sorcery. :'''Mordred''': Hmm. Shiny. :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': Be ready, Mordred. :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': At last. Mordred, give that to me. :'''Mordred''': Why should I? :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': Silly child, you're not... :'''Mordred''': Not what? Ready? Or big enough or old enough? 'None of that matters, mother.' 'Cause now, I'm strong enough. :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': Mordred! :'''[Morgaine Le Fay gasps]''' :'''Mordred''': I'll have my kingdom and without anyone telling me what to do. I never want to see you or anyone older than me ever again. :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': No! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Blockbuster''': Pound their heads! :'''Superman''': Pound your own. :'''Copperhead''': I won't go down easy. :'''Green Lantern''': Sure, you will. Guess that's a wrap. Sorry. Been hanging out with Flash too much. :'''Copperhead''': It was Judgment Day! And we got sent to [[w:Hell|the bad place]]! THE BAD PLACE! :'''Cheetah''': ''[slaps him]'' Snap out of it, Copper. :'''Green Lantern''': Yeah, calm down. We're probably just in another dimension. :'''Copperhead''': ''[sarcastic]'' Oh, is ''that'' all? :'''Batman''': I don't see any children. :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': That's because a child is responsible. :'''Batman''': Morgaine Le Fay. :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': I mean you no harm. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': My son Mordred has wrought this treachery, banishing all adults to this shadow realm. Even me, his own mother. And after I spent millennia feeding him, bathing him, preparing him to be king... where did I go wrong? :'''Wonder Woman''': You're a sorceress. Can't you just undo his spell? :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': No. He's got the amulet of first magic. He's too powerful. But if we all work together.. :'''Batman''': You want us to defeat your own son? :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': So don't trust me. Let him rule the world and all your children. Here we will stay. Forever. :'''Wonder Woman''': But what can we do? We're stuck here, aren't we? :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': Not exactly. The spell only banishes adults. :'''Green Lantern''': I don't like where this is going. :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': It's the only way. :'''Superman''': We have to do it. :'''[[John Stewart exhales]''' :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': Excellent. :'''[Morgaine Le Fay speaking foreign language]''' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, and Green Lantern have been turned into children.]'' :'''Kid Batman''': This better be temporary. :'''Kid Superman''': You sound weird, Whoa. So do I! :'''Kid Wonder Woman''': ''[Grinning at being the tallest]'' I kind of like this. :'''Kid Batman''': ''[to Green Lantern]'' What's the matter? :'''Kid Green Lantern''': I wore glasses as a kid. Guess I need them again. ''[large, square, green glasses appear on his nose]'' Wow! I didn't even try to make these! :''[Superman cracks up]'' :'''Kid Batman''': I hope not. :''[Green Lantern strains and morphs the glasses into a mask]'' :'''Kid Superman''': Cool! :'''Kid Wonder Woman''': ''[smacks him]'' Will you stop messing around? We gotta find Mordred! :'''Kid Batman''': Bet the little punk's in there! ''[runs towards the castle. Green Lantern, Superman, and Wonder Woman all quickly overtake him by flying]'' It's not a race! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Kid Batman is having trouble with a guard, Kid Wonder Woman punches it in the leg, causing it to shatter, then catches Kid Batman as he falls.]'' :'''Kid Wonder Woman''': You okay, tough guy? :'''Kid Batman''': Let go, I'm fine! ''[Stalks away, pouting]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[The group is thrown into a dungeon; a toddlerized Etrigan comes out.]'' :'''Kid Batman''': Etrigan? :''[Etrigan burps fire and is caught by Superman.]'' :'''Kid Batman''': ''[to Superman]'' Don't hurt him! :'''Kid Superman''': ''[being bitten by Etrigan]'' Tell him that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kid Wonder Woman''': Etrigan! You stop right there. I mean it! You naughty monster. Bad, bad, Etrigan. ''[Etrigan starts to cry. Wonder Woman picks him up]'' Hey little guy, it's okay, I won't hurt you. :'''Kid Batman''': You've got to be kidding. :'''Kid Wonder Woman''': He's just a baby. ''[Burps Etrigan]'' That's all he needed. :'''Kid Green Lantern''': ''[sniffs]'' Aww man, that ain't all she needs. :'''Kid Batman''': Now ''that'' is a job for Superman. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kid Superman''': You two, knock it off! :'''Child''': What are you gonna do? You're just a kid! :'''Kid Superman''': ''[burns the ground near them with his heat vision]'' I'm the kid with laser beams comin' out his eyes! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kid Green Lantern''': I've got a plan! I'll make some giant handcuffs and- :'''Kid Batman''': Forget it! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kid Batman''': Never mind what I just said. We'll take care of everything else. Lantern, you go crazy! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': You've used it all. Don't you realize what you've done? A bargain is a bargain. :''[After the League members been changed back to adults, Wonder Woman is still holding Etrigan]'' :'''Etrigan''': ...Mommy? :''[Wonder Woman drops Etrigan, looking somewhere between disgusted and annoyed]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Wait, what happened to Mordred? :'''Morgaine le Fey''': My spell gave him eternal youth. But now he has broken it, all he has is eternal life. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': Circumstances asides, it was kind of... enjoyable being a kid again. :'''Batman''': I haven't been a kid since I was eight years old. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Morgaine le Fey''': ''[Approaches an impossibly old, feeble and senile Mordred]'' Did you miss Mommy? Well, don't you worry, baby. Mommy's going to take good care of you, from now on... ===''Hawk And Dove'' [1.4]=== :''[Wonder Woman is being shot at by a bank robber who has run out of bullets and is about to throw his gun at her.] :'''Diana''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, yeah. Like THAT’S gonna work. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Diana''': What's wrong with people, J'onn? Hostility is their answer to everything! :'''Martian Manhunter''': You're one to talk, of late. :'''Diana''': What's that supposed to mean? :'''Martian Manhunter''': Diana, you and I have both been affected by our time among humans. It's important that we keep ourselves in check. :'''Diana''': First of all, those thugs back there got exactly what they had coming. As did that band of mercenaries last week. And those creatures from the Decoran Nebula - they weren't misunderstood! They thought we were FOOD! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hephaestus''': Patience, brother. You know how much I care about the details. :'''Ares''': It doesn't have to be pretty, Hephaestus. Where it's going things aren't supposed to be pretty. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hank Hall''': Fine mess here, Don. :'''Don Hall''': Talk to them, you speak Neanderthal! :'''Hank Hall''': I think they're done talking. :'''Don Hall''':This is ridiculous! Just because I disagree with you doesn't make me unpatriotic. :'''Bar Patron''': No, you bein' a bleedin' heart punk makes you unpatriotic! :'''Hank Hall''': Actually, I gotta agree with him on that one. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Don Hall''': Look, we got off on the wrong foot. Don't you think we could find plenty of things we all have in common if we JUST tried? :'''Bar Patron''': ''[ Pauses for a moment looking slightly puzzled]'' ...No! :'''Don Hall''': Hank, say something! :'''Hank Hall''': ''[punches one of the frat boys and gives Don a look]'' Preemptive strike. <hr width="50%"/> :''[ [[w:Hawk and Dove|Hawk and Dove]] find themselves in a barroom brawl]'' :'''Dove''': Oh, you SO wanted to do this! :'''Hawk''': Don't blame me! You're the one that couldn't keep your trap shut! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hawk''': Why not just let them obliterate each other? If people can't control their own country, they don't deserve to have one. :'''Dove''': Way to oversimplify. These folks live in poverty, and when you have so little, it's easy to be swayed into blaming your neighbour. Almost all aggression can be cured with education. :'''Hawk''': Yeah? Then how come some of the best-educated guys in the world work at the Pentagon? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hawk''': There's no one inside that thing! How do you fight that? :'''Wonder Woman''': You hit it 'til it breaks. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Nardoc''': We won, Mr. Sera. The animals attacked, and we ran them out of town. :'''Ares''': I didn't give you the Annihilator so you could run your enemies out of town, I gave you the Annihilator so you could annihilate them! :'''Nardoc''': Forgive the insult, sir, but you think like a South Kaznian. They want to destroy us all, but my brothers and I only wish to keep our land. Perhaps I could take their camp, but the price would be too great. Shall I win a country but massacre my people? :'''[[w:Ares (DC Comics)|Ares]]''': Yes, you idiot! ''I'' think like a South Kasnian?! Has it even entered your skull that THEY think like South Kasnians?! And you'd better start thinking that way, too, if you want there to be a Northerner left in this rat-infested dirt heap you call a country! All any of you mortals are good for is to slaughter one another! To fight and fight until the bones of your enemies are strewn across the battlefield, only to rise again in the next generation, like a well-tended crop! THAT’S what the Annihilator is for! But nooo, you're using it to play TAG! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Hawk attempts to kidnap the South Kasnian leader]'' :'''Hawk''': Ever run away from home? It's fun; you'll love it. ''[Grabs leader out of bed]'' Brother and I used to do it all the time. 'Cept, he'd always wuss out and run home to Mama... <hr width="50%"/> :''[Hawk is watching many Kasnians fighting and blowing things up]'' :'''Hawk''': I see Don's social skills had their usual effect... <hr width="50%"/> :''[Dove had just made the Annihilator stop by simply standing before it without a fight]'' :'''Hawk''': Anybody wanna give me a clue what just happened? :'''Wonder Woman''': Sometimes, it takes more strength NOT to fight. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ares''': But I'll be back and sooner than you think. Wherever there's prejudice, ignorance, inequality, I'll be there. :'''Wonder Woman''': And I'll be waiting. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dove''': You see, doesn't this prove exactly what I've been saying for years? :'''Hawk''': Couldn't tell ya — I do my best not to listen. :'''Dove''': What?!? ===''This Little Piggy'' [1.5]=== :'''Batman''': Patience, princess. Intergang moves in mysterious ways. :'''Wonder Woman''': Tell me about it. What use could they possibly have for the Rosetta Stone? :'''Batman''': We'll find out soon enough. And in the meantime... :'''Wonder Woman''': I know. Patience. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': Don't you ever wish you were down there? :'''Batman''': I'm down there all I need to be. :'''Wonder Woman''': Yes, but it's just a job to you. I'm talking about going down there and having some fun. Maybe... maybe with someone special. :''[Batman frowns and looks away]'' :'''Wonder Woman''': No. No dating for the Batman. It might cut into your brooding time. :'''Batman''': One: dating within the team always leads to disaster. Two: you're a princess from a society of immortal warriors; I'm a rich kid with issues... lots of issues. And three: if my enemies knew I had someone special, they wouldn't rest until they'd gotten to me, through her. :'''Wonder Woman''': ''[Crushes a stone gargoyle's head with her hand]'' Next? :''[A burglar alarm goes off.]'' :'''Batman''': There! :''[He swings into action.]'' :'''Wonder Woman''': ''[wryly]'' Saved by the bell. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': Circe! Be careful, she's... :'''Batman''': Yeah. I've read the ''[[w: Odyssey|Odyssey]]''. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zatanna''': ''[trying to turn Wonder Woman back to normal and failing]'' Lleps eb nekorb! Anaid emoceb namuh! Well, I gave it my best shot. We could call in one of the other magicians. Doctor Fate, maybe- :'''Batman''': No! I mean, let's keep this between us. :'''Zatanna''': But why? If there's a chance to help her, shouldn't we tell everyone and that... oh, wait wait... you and her, are you two... :'''Batman''': Just good friends. :'''Zatanna''': No, you and I are just good friends. There's something more between you and her. :'''Batman''': Well, maybe there was. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:B'wana Beast|B'wana Beast]]''': ''[introducing himself to Zatanna]'' B'wana Beast. How ya doin'? :'''Zatanna''': My ''legs'' are fine. As is the rest of me. Up here. ''[pointing to her face]'' :'''B'wana Beast''': Woah, she's got the fire of the cheetah in her. Rrroowr. :'''Zatanna''': ''[to Batman]'' Why are you doing this to me? <hr width="50%"/> :'''B'wana Beast''': ''[Talking to pigs, trying to find Wonder Woman]'' C'mon guys, help me out. Newcomer? Silver bracelets? Kinda stuck up? <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Red Tornado|Red Tornado]]''': ''[imitating a pig call]'' SOOOOOOO-WEEEEEEEEEE... <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Crimson Avenger|Crimson Avenger]]''': Excuse me, sir, I'm looking for a pig. :'''Old Man''': Gladys, it's for you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''B'wana Beast''': Yo, Wonderpig! ''[pursues the pig Diana through the street, jumping over an oncoming truck in the process; then, over his communicator]'' Bats, Beast. Got a fix on your girl. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Medusa|Medusa]]''': C-Girl and me did some time together back in the Pit of Eternal Torment. That's where they hang you by your ankles and weasels come each night to eat your fingers. They grow back the next day, but trust me - it gets old real quick. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Themis''': Thank you, Medusa. And know that you've earned 300 years off your sentence. :'''Medusa''': ''[sarcastic]'' Freedom in 4010. Ring-a-ding-ding! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Circe''': Thank you, thank you. You've all been so kind to me tonight. You know, my cousins, the Sirens, never thought I could sing. Really! They thought they were all that with their 'Charm the Sailors' routine. But I'm showing them, aren't I? :[''Dead silence. Circe glares - the audience applauses''] :'''Circe''': Oh thank you! I love you all! Are there any requests? :'''Zatanna''': Stcejbo kcatta ecriC! :'''Circe''': I'm not sure I know that one... <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Circe (comics)|Circe]]''': ''[under attack by Zatanna]'' Insolent trickster! You dare to strike- ''[gets hit by a chair]'' You dare to strike- ''[gets hit by a table]'' You dare to strike- ''[gets smothered by a tablecloth]'' QUIT IT! Oh, no... ''[gets hit by a grand piano]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Wait. It seems that magic always has a price. :'''Circe''': And your point is...? :'''Batman''': What would I have to give to make you lift your spell on Diana? :'''Circe''': Well, now you're getting interesting. I want something from you that's very precious. Something you've worked ''very hard'' to conceal. Something when gone, you can never regain. Something ''soul-shattering''... :''[cut to Batman at a mike]'' :'''Batman''': ''[singing]'' [[w:Am I Blue?|Am I blue? Am I blue? Ain't these tears in my eyes telling you...]] <hr width="50%"/> ''[Zatanna is listening to Batman sing as her eyes tear up. She produces a handkerchief to dab at her eyes... then passes it to Circe, who is also crying at the performance.]'' :'''Circe''': Beautiful. :'''Zatanna''': And you'll keep your part of the bargain? :'''Circe''': A deal's a deal. He can stop now. :'''Zatanna''': Not on your life! ''[Both keep watching the performance.]''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zatanna''': ''[to Batman, after he leaves the stage]'' Is there anything you can't do? :'''Batman''': There's one thing I've never been very good at - saying thank you. ''[they share a smile]'' ===''Fearful Symmetry'' [1.6]=== :'''[[W:Green Arrow|Green Arrow]]''': Don't listen to this guy, everything's conspiracies with him. :'''[[W:Question (comics)|The Question]]''': Not "conspiracies". Conspiracy. Singular. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Question''': Reaching back to ancient Egypt, there's been a single cabal of powerful individuals directing the course of human history. But the common man prefers to believe they don't exist, which aids their success. :'''Supergirl''': ''[reading newspaper clippings]'' Global warming, military upheavals in the third world, actors elected to public office... :'''Green Arrow''': The spread of coffee bars, germs outpacing antibiotics, and boy bands? Come on! Who would gain from all this? :'''Question''': Who indeed? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Supergirl''': These weren't just dreams, they felt like they really happened! :'''Green Arrow''': I dunno, I've had some dreams that felt mighty real. ''[glances over his shoulder at Black Canary]'' There was this one the other night... ''[eats a French fry thoughtfully]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': Hold your horses! No one asked for more help. This whole trip might just prove the kid shouldn't eat nachos before bed. :'''Question''': Peanut butter sandwiches. :'''Supergirl''': How did y- what, do you go through my trash?! :'''Question''': Please... I go through ''everyone's'' trash. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': So I think that answered everything. :'''Question''': A little too well. :'''Green Arrow''': Does ''everything'' have a sinister motive in your world? :'''Question''': Yours too, you just don't know it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': What was that about? :'''Question''': What do you think? We're asking questions someone doesn't want answered. :'''Green Arrow''': Aw, learn a new tune already! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Supergirl has just been attacked by an android.]'' :'''Question''': Standard [[w: Infiltration Unit Zeta|Z8 Combat Trainer]]. :'''Green Arrow''': Like the ones we use. The League buys 'em in bulk. :'''Supergirl''': So? :'''Question''': So who do we buy them ''from?'' :'''Supergirl''': The Army, I thin... Oh, wait a minute... :'''Question''': Another fun fact: The man who commissioned the Z8 Project? The same man who put you in the hospital. :'''Supergirl''': General Hardcastle? He's retired now, isn't he? :'''Question''': Gone. And hoping to be forgotten. <hr width="50%"/> :'''General Hardcastle''': Figured someone would come for me some day. Only, I thought they'd be from the other side. ''[aiming his weapon at Supergirl]'' This weapon fires a projectile of kryptonite pellets suspended in a liquid silicon core. Causes maximum scatter on impact. Only gets one shot, but trust me, ''alien'', it'll do the job. :'''Supergirl''': We're not here to hurt you. We just have some questions. :'''General Hardcastle''': Sorry if I don't take your word for it. As I recall, your kind can be fickle. :''[After a tense moment Green Arrow steps in front of Supergirl]'' :'''Green Arrow''': Okay, now what, smart guy? Use up your magic bullet on me, and you're left with one very ticked off Supergirl. :''[The brief distraction gives Question the chance to easily disarm Hardcastle]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''General Hardcastle''': What? I told you everything I... Supergirl? :'''Galatea''': Yes... and no. Friends call me Tea. Are you a friend, general? :''[Hardcastle lunges for his kryptonite gun but Galatea quickly destroys it with her heat vison]'' :'''Galatea''': Guess that's a no. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Galatea''': So, what do you think? It's important that you like yourself. And I'm you, just accelerated a few extra years. Plus better trained. And I have to say, a heck of a lot smarter. :'''Supergirl''': You lured us here. After your lackeys couldn't get rid of me at Star, you decided to deal with me yourself on your home turf. :'''Galatea''': It's like you're reading my mind. Which is actually the problem. And why you have to die. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Outside Nuvo-Gen]'' :'''Question''': ''[singing while inspecting the locked glass door]'' ...Fell in love again, what am I gonna tell my friends? It just happened. You walked in my door, now I don't wanna be alone no more... ''[throws a potted plant through the door]'' Oops, I done it! Told you how I feel! Just hope this time that our love is real... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Question''': You were setting up this bait even before Supergirl started asking questions. It's because the link works both ways, doesn't it? While she was seeing what you were doing, you were feeling her conscience. That's why you couldn't sleep at night. And I bet it got in the way of your work. It bites having someone in your head, doesn't it? :'''Galatea''': ''[begrudgingly]'' You don't know what you're talking about. :'''Question''': No? Prove it. Kill me. :''[Galatea raises her fist but hesitates to hit him]'' ===''The Greatest Story Never Told'' [1.7]=== :'''Child''': Can I have your autograph?! :'''Booster Gold''': Of course you can! ''[signs autograph book]'' :'''Child''': ''[looks at it and is disappointed]'' I thought you were Green Lantern. :'''Skeets:''' I would like your autograph, sir! :'''Booster Gold''': Shut up, Skeets. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Martian Manhunter''': I have never sensed such malevolent magic in one being. Unless Mordru can be defeated, I fear for every living creature on the planet. :'''Booster Gold''': Yes! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Martian Manhunter''': Listen up! A second unit will serve under Green Lantern's command! When I call your name, report to the transporter! Hawk and Dove, Star and Stripe, Shining Knight... Fire and [[w:Ice (comics)|Ice]], [[w:Doctor Light (Kimiyo Hoshi)|Doctor Light]]... [[w:Aztek (comics)|Aztek]], Huntress, Vigilante, Elongated Man... :'''Booster Gold''': Ahem. :'''Martian Manhunter''': [[w:Vibe (comics)|Vibe]]... :'''Booster Gold''': AHEM! :'''Martian Manhunter''': ''[sighs]'' Booster Gold... :'''Booster Gold''': Yes! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Booster Gold''': Energize! :'''Teleporter Operator''': Doofus. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Elongated Man and Booster Gold are stuck with Crowd Control during a battle.]'' :'''[[w: Elongated Man|Elongated Man]]''': "We don't need two stretchy guys". This is so not fair! I mean, okay, I realize that Plastic Man is in the League too, I'm not dissing the guy's skills, but come on! I have it all over that guy! Once, I disguised myself as a vase for like three days! :'''Booster Gold''': No, you didn't! :'''Elongated Man''' Okay, maybe not. Who'd want to, anyway? But I ''am'' a detective! That means I'm like [[w: Plastic Man|Plastic Man]] and Batman rolled into one! And... :'''Booster Gold''': Is there any chance you could stop complaining for five minutes? :'''Elongated Man''': Hey, the squeaky wheel gets the grease, my friend. But I'll tell you one thing: I wouldn't help those ingrates now if they BEGGED me! :'''Wonder Woman''': We need you. :'''Booster Gold''': It's about time! :'''Wonder Woman''': Not you. HIM! :'''Elongated Man''': Squeaky Wheel! ''[leaves with Wonder Woman]'' :'''Skeets''': Maybe they needed a vase. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Booster Gold''': It doesn't matter what we do here, the battle is over there. We're not helping. :'''Skeets''': This is untrue. "They also serve, who only stand and wait." - [[John Milton]]. :'''Booster Gold''': Oh yeah? I got one for ya': "This stinks" - Booster Gold. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Booster Gold''': I am not Green Lantern! If I were Green Lantern, my costume would be green, now wouldn't it?! ''[to Skeets]'' I have officially hit rock bottom. :'''Skeets''': Sir, you saved those insects! Yay! Don't you feel good about yourself? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Booster Gold''': She's beautiful, and in distress! My favorite kind of damsel. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Booster Gold''': Oh, man, we are so lucky! All I have to do is pop this collar on Mr. Black Hole, save the world, and then it's champagne and strawberries for me and the hot doctor! ''[He is about to put the collar around Dr. Daniel's neck, when a car falls on him]'' ''[emerging from under the car]'' I thought they didn't have flying cars in this time period. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Booster Gold opens an ambulance door]'' :'''Booster Gold''': Uh-oh. ''[Cut to pregnant woman in labor; Dr. Simmons arrives]'' Maybe you should handle this. :'''Dr. Tracy Simmons''': Why me? :'''Booster Gold''': You're a doctor. :'''Dr. Tracy Simmons''': I'm a physicist! :'''Booster Gold''': Yeah? :'''Dr. Tracy Simmons''': Give me the collar! ''[She takes it and runs]'' :'''Booster Gold''': I'll - I'll take care of this. ''[climbs into the ambulance next to the woman]'' So, um... how are you feeling? :'''Woman''': ''[screams]'' :'''Booster Gold''': How many fingers am I holding up? :'''Woman''': ''[Grabs him]'' Do something useful! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Booster Gold''': Tracy, where are you? This is all my fault, Skeets. I never should have put her in harm's way. I mean, Superman wouldn't have done that. He would have figured this all out by now. :'''Skeets''': Thataway, sir. :'''Tracy Simmons''': Help me! Oh, no! :'''Skeets''': He's in the subway, sir. He's in the subway. :'''Booster Gold''': I know. :'''Booster Gold''': They were right. Some superhero I turned out to be. If anyone knew the truth. If she knew the truth-- :'''Skeets''': I've got nothing. :'''Tracy Simmons''': Did you find him? :'''Skeets''': According to my sensors, Dr. Brown is nearing critical mass. :'''Booster Gold''': Come on. :'''Tracy Simmons''': Daniel! :'''Daniel''': Tracy, keep back! I can't control it! :'''Booster Gold''': Just stay where you are. :'''Skeets''': Booster! :'''Booster Gold''': Skeets! No! :'''Daniel''': Ohh. :'''Booster Gold''': I blew it! :'''Tracy Simmons''': It's not too late! :'''Booster Gold''': I can't do it! :'''Tracy Simmons''': Yes, you can! You have to! :'''Booster Gold''': Tracy, I'm a fraud! Do you know why I came back to the past? It wasn't to fight for justice! It was to get rich, be famous! I was a failure in the future, just like I am here! I'm not a superhero! :'''Tracy Simmons''': Everything is about to be destroyed forever! And where are the other superheroes? Not here! You are! You're the only one that can do this! So do it! :'''Tracy Simmons''': You're alive. :'''Daniel''': Tracy? :'''Tracy Simmons''': You're all right, Daniel. Just take it slow. :'''Daniel''': I don't feel so good. :'''Booster Gold''': Skeets! :'''Skeets''': My gosh. It was full of stars. :'''Daniel''': Sorry. :'''Tracy Simmons''': You okay? :'''Booster Gold''': Yeah. You? :'''Tracy Simmons''': I am now. That was pretty super-heroic of you. :'''Booster Gold''': Hey. All in a judgment day's work. Well, see ya. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Skeets''': Sir, according to my thermal sensor readings of Dr. Simmons, you just missed a prime opportunity to... well, I believe the phrase is, "kiss the girl." :'''Booster Gold''': Kissing girls is for heroes, Skeets. :'''Captain Atom''': Nice work, Elongated Man. :'''Green Lantern''': That was just about the slickest move I've ever seen. :'''Elongated Man''': Hey, it was a team effort. I'm just glad I stretched in the right place at the right time. :'''Booster Gold''': Back to normal, huh? :'''Batman''': Mordru's magic was nullified when he lost consciousness. I thought I told you to stay on crowd control. :'''Booster Gold''': I know, but... there was this... I mean, you wouldn't believe it... it almost.. ''[pauses on seeing Batman narrowing his eyes]'' ah, forget it. :'''Batman''': You and I are gonna have a little chat later. ''[walks away]'' :'''Booster Gold''': ''[sarcastic]'' Looking forward to that. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tracy Simmons''': ''[offscreen]'' Excuse me, Green Lantern? :'''Booster Gold''': For the last time, I am not Green Lantern! My name is...! ''[turns and sees her]'' :'''Tracy Simmons''': ''[laughs]'' Just kidding. I know who Booster Gold is. So now that I'm not in distress, I was wondering if maybe I was still your kind of damsel. Because maybe we could have dinner if you're not busy doing cleanup. :'''Booster Gold''': Me? No. I only do crowd control. Squeaky wheel, buddy. Squeaky wheel. ===''The Return'' [1.8]=== :'''Guardian''': There's an unidentified object approaching Oa at a somewhat astonishing speed... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Guardian''': Magnify image. :'''Martian Manhunter''': Professor Ivo's android! :'''Green Lantern''': Holy Mother of-! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex Luthor''': ''[leading the rest to a hiding place]'' This is it. :'''[[w: Supergirl|Supergirl]]''': A barber shop? :'''[[W: John Henry Irons|Steel]]''': Got to hand it to you, Luthor - NOBODY would think to look for you here. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amazo''': You cannot keep me from my goal. :'''Superman''': Telepathy. :'''Green Lantern''': I'm not impressed. :'''Superman''': Why have you come back? What do you want? :'''Amazo''': Why do you ask questions you already know the answer to? :'''Superman''': Luthor. :'''Amazo''': Of course. :'''Superman''': We're not gonna give him up. :'''Amazo''': He's your enemy. You owe him nothing. :'''Superman''': Turn...back...now. :'''Amazo''': I have evolved far beyond what I was when we last met. You do not want to challenge me. :'''Green Lantern''': LIGHT HIM UP! :''[The First Line attacks]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kyle Rayner''': We're gonna use every bit of power left in our rings and take one last shot at the android. :'''Green Lantern''': A blast like that could destroy half the planet. :'''Kyle Rayner''': Half a planet is better than none. :''[in the Watchtower]'' :'''Martian Manhunter''': It's the only way. :'''Dr. Fate''': Hmmm, those words are always used to justify destruction. :'''Martian Manhunter''': We can only guess how much power the android has amassed as it has worked it's way across the galaxy. It has to be stopped, Fate. Here and now. Not just for the sake of this world, but for all worlds. :'''Dr. Fate''': Then for the sake of all worlds, I will continue to seek a better way. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex Luthor''': The most powerful creature in the universe wants my head, and the League sends its least powerful member to protect me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Atom_(Ray_Palmer)|Atom]]''': The android – why does he hate you so much? :'''Lex Luthor''': I once took advantage of his naiveté. He's not naïve any more, and I've stopped taking advantage of the innocent. :'''Atom''': Let's hope you'll be more convincing if you have to tell him that. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amazo''': Your bravery is admirable... but annoying. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Martian Manhunter''': You'll need that cannon very soon. :'''Lex Luthor''': Then stop interrupting us! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Martian Manhunter''': You've come to offer help? :'''Dr. Fate''': Not help. Hope. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amazo''': An intriguing idea, modifying the cannon so that it could alter my programming, and it might've worked... a month ago, when I was still nanotech. But I have transcended that limitation. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex Luthor''': A subatomic universe. :'''Atom''': Figured the android can't kill what he can't see. :'''Amazo''': Oh, but I ''can'' see you. ''[Atom and Luthor are revealed to be standing on Amazo's hand]'' Did you really think I couldn't follow you here? No universe, however large, however small, is denied to me. :'''Lex Luthor''': What do you want from me? :'''Amazo''': You have everything humans desire: wealth, power... yet you crave more, and you'll do anything to get it. Why? What is your ultimate purpose? :'''Lex Luthor''': What you're ''really'' asking is, what is ''yours?'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Fate''': Wait. Please. The android's nature has proved benign before. I believe it will again. :'''Green Lantern''': Benign?! You call destroying Oa benign?! ''[all assembled Green Lanterns aim their rings at Dr. Fate]'' Not even you can stand against the Green Lantern Corps. ''[Dr. Fate steps aside, and the Lanterns find the room empty]'' What the devil's going on? :'''Dr. Fate''': Lex Luthor is saving the world. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex Luthor''': The truth is, for all my struggles to make my mark in life, for all I've accomplished, in just a few short generations my name will be forgotten. Even the greatest of us can't compete with time... and death. :'''Amazo''': Then why do you go on? Why does anyone? Why don't I just destroy you and everything else right now? ''[winds start swirling]'' All it would take is a single thought and- :'''Lex Luthor''': No! If you do that, you won't see the end of it! :'''Amazo''': The end of what? :'''Lex Luthor''': The evolutionary process. You of all beings should know something about that. :'''Amazo''': Yes. Yes, I'm evolving. That's why Professor Ivo made me. These past months I have amassed so much knowledge, and yet... I remain confused... empty. What am I evolving into? What is my purpose?! I must know! ''TELL ME!'' :'''Lex Luthor''': There's no way to tell. And that's why I stay in the game. My purpose, if you will, is to see where it's all going. And you! You'll live forever. You'll be able to see it all. :'''Amazo''': Is that my purpose? Simply to be... a ''witness?'' :'''Lex Luthor''': We create our own purpose in life. Now go create yours. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex Luthor''': You know, when I heard you were coming I was actually afraid of you. Petrified. But now, when I see your fear, your uncertainty, I just pity you. :''[Amazo glares]'' :'''Atom''': You should have quit while you were ahead. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Fate''': It's over. Isn't it? :'''Amazo''': Yes. :'''Green Lantern''': He murders an entire world, and it's over? Just like that? I don't think so! :'''Amazo''': I did not destroy Oa - I simply moved it to another dimension. ''[everyone stares]'' It was in my way. :'''John Stewart''': Then could you move it back? :''[Amazo's eyes glow briefly]'' :'''Amazo''': Done. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Fate''': I can help you on your journey. In your search for meaning. :'''Amazo''': Help me? Why? :'''Dr. Fate''': Because that... is my purpose. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Atom''': Told you we'd beat him! :'''Lex Luthor''': What do you mean, "we"? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Inza''': Are you all right? :'''Dr. Fate''': Fine, although there was a moment when I actually thought John Stewart was going to attack me. :'''Shayera Hol''': Oh, I don't know about that. His bark's a lot worse than his bite. ===''Ultimatum'' [1.9]=== :'''Aquaman''': The new Bermuda Platform's under attack. If it collapses, we're gonna have the worst oil spill in history on our hands. I've told those idiots to stay out of my ocean. :'''Superman''': ETA is three minutes, Aquaman. :'''Wonder Woman''': Right behind you, Superman. :'''Batman''': See you there, Diana. :'''Aquaman''': These geniuses dug right into the Earth's magma. Never occurred to them there'd be anything living down there. :'''Batman''': ''[surrounded with Aquaman by Lava men]'' Can you make telepathic contact? :'''Aquaman''': Do they look like fish to you? :'''Wind Dragon''': Don't despair, old chum. :'''Long Shadow''': I didn't know you could do that. :'''Wind Dragon''': Neither did I. :'''Wind Dragon''': Finding new sources of fuel for an energy starved world is truly a worthy endeavor. But in man's quest to better himself, he must respect all of the world's creatures, including those poor beasts whose homes you've disturbed. :'''Wind Dragon''': Not to worry, fellow heroes. The Ultimen are here. :'''Aquaman''': Not them again. :'''Wind Dragon''': Now, is that nice? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Superman is encased in hardened magma]'' :'''Wind Dragon''': You know, Juice, Superman was my hero when I was a lad. It's not his fault he's getting old. :'''Superman''': "Old"?! ''[breaks free]'' :'''Wind Dragon''': Old but spry, sir, old but spry! :'''Long Shadow''': It's, uh, really an honor to be working with you, Wonder Woman. :'''Wonder Woman''': Thank you, Long Shadow. :'''Shifter''': Lend them a hand, Brother? :'''Downpour''': Absolutely, Sister. :'''Shifter''': Flood! :'''Downpour''': Sea serpent! :'''Shifter''': Don't be afraid, Wonder Woman. It's only me, Shifter. :'''Wonder Woman''': Any chance you could warn me before you try to drown me? :'''Shifter''': We were only trying to help. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Long Shadow''': What I wanna know is- :'''Shifter, Downpour, Juice, Wind Dragon''': "Why can't we join the Justice League?" :'''Wind Dragon''': Hey, it's all right. I used to think like that. :'''Long Shadow''': Used to? What happened? :'''Wind Dragon''': I dunno. I guess I just started wanting stuff. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': ''[on Maxwell Lord]'' I can't listen to anymore of this. This guy's dripping more oil than that platform ever did. <hr width="50%'/> :'''Bizarro''': Me will do anything for the woman he loves! Even break her boyfriend out of prison! :'''Wonder Woman''': And what's gonna happen then? :'''Bizarro''': Uh... ''[gets knocked out]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bizarro''': ''[singing]'' Bizarro here to save the day! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Giganta''': Outta the way, tiny. :''[Long Shadow grows taller than her]'' :'''Long Shadow''': You were saying? :'''Giganta''': Oh, poop. <hr width="50%'/> :'''Wonder Woman''': Whatever's going on, we'll do everything in our power to... :'''Wind Dragon''': Yes, ''power.'' That's what it always comes down to, doesn't it? And that's the only way we'll ever be remembered. 'Cause we're the ones who take down the Justice League! The world will never forget us! :'''Batman''': Listen to yourself, you're not making any sense! You're getting sicker! :'''Wind Dragon''': Translation: they're afraid to face us! :'''Long Shadow''': No! :'''Wind Dragon''': As a man said, "You're either with us or against us." :'''Juice''': Where'd he go? :'''Batman''': Light's out... old chum. :'''Downpour''': Nobody does that to my sister. Do you hear me?! Nobody! :''[Downpour blasts Aquaman with a huge tidal wave, which is almost entirely ineffective.]'' :'''Aquaman''': King of the seas, remember? :'''Superman''': Project Cadmus? That's all you know? :'''Long Shadow''': Everything else is an implanted memory. :'''Wonder Woman''': How much time... do you have left? :'''Long Shadow''': Who knows? :'''Amanda Waller''': We'll take it from here. The Ultimen belong to us. :'''Wonder Woman''': Belong? :'''Maxwell Lord''': A poor choice of words. We'll see to it that their last days are comfortable. We will take care of you. You have my word, for whatever it's worth. :'''Wind Dragon''': All right, Max. :''[The gunmen step towards Long Shadow. Wonder Woman steps in front of him.] :'''Wonder Woman''': No. :'''Amanda Waller''': You need to step back. :'''Batman''': Not gonna happen. Long Shadow's with us. :'''Amanda Waller''': ''[to troops]'' Safeties. :''[Soldiers train guns on the League; Superman and Aquaman get between them and Long Shadow]'' :'''Batman''': ''[smirking]'' Mine are bigger than yours. :'''Amanda Waller''': Stand down. He's free to go with you for however long he's got. :'''Batman''': Who are you people? :'''Amanda Waller''': That's a national security matter. And if I were you, I wouldn't probe the situation too closely... rich boy. :'''Wonder Woman''': Welcome to the Justice League. ===''Dark Heart'' [1.10]=== :'''[[w: The Atom|The Atom]]''': ''[confronted by a (relatively) giant nanomachine]'' He's bigger than my car now, Katie. Personally, I blame you. :'''Katie''': How can it possibly be my fault? :'''The Atom''': Because otherwise it would be ''my'' fault. That can't be right; I'm a professor. ''[He rides the nanomachine like a bronco, opening a panel on its back.]'' Okay, I can see the problem, now, Katie. Looks like the salt water created a bad nano-chip. I can get around it by.... ''[he's nearly thrown off as the nanomachine writhes under him]'' Okay, I'm just gonna be direct. ''[He punches the chip, breaking it, but he is shocked by the contact. The nanomachine comes to a halt, and he lies prone on its back, exhausted.]'' :'''Katie''': Professor Palmer! Professor! Ray! :'''The Atom''': I'm just going to lie here for a while, Katie. I'm old now, and I get tired. :'''Katie''': Professor Palmer, you have company...''serious'' company... :'''The Atom''': Stand by, I'm coming up. ''[He adjusts a dial on his belt, causing him to grow out of the petri dish. He steps down from the table it's on, to stand only a little shorter than Superman.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[in free fall, having bailed out of his plane]'' Batman to all points. I could use some air support. Since I can't fly. At all. ''[continues to fall and states calmly]'' Now would be good. ''[Superman catches him only a few feet from the ground]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': ''[holding Atom in her palm]'' Ready? :'''Atom''': Just don't squeeze. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': ''[in the midst of battle, before tucking Atom into her cleavage]'' I need both hands, professor. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Atom''': This is incredible. Every atom of it is filled with books' worth of information, it is beautifully simple, it— :'''Batman''': Save it for the autopsy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Atom''': Amazing. Show him a weapon that destroyed its creators and every other thing it saw, and he wants to play with it. What's to stop history from repeating itself right here on Earth? :'''Superman''': We are. ===''Wake the Dead'' [1.11]=== :'''Aquaman''': Such scintillating repartee. I get better conversation from the android. :'''Amazo''': You are aware I'm in the room? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Aquaman''': I win again... huzzah. :'''Shayera Hol''': It's just a game. :''[Aquaman knocks the board and pieces off the table]'' :'''Aquaman''': You disgust me! :'''Shayera Hol''': Join the club. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': Aquaman thinks I've been here too long. :'''Inza''': Flowers bloom when they are ready, Shayera. :'''Shayera Hol''': I'm no flower. I'm not Lieutenant Shayera Hol of the Thanagarian Empire. Not anymore. I've been stripped of my rank, exiled from my home world. I'm not Hawkgirl. That was always a sham. When I do my job, people get hurt, people that I care about. :'''Inza''': And what happens when you don't do your job? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Lantern''': Doctor Fate called it, Solomon Grundy's back. :'''Vixen''': The zombie guy? A heavy hitter, I read about him in the files. :'''Green Lantern''': Yeah, he's tough, but we can handle him. Funny thing is, he's supposed to be dead. :'''Vixen''': Aren't all zombies, by definition, dead? :'''Green Lantern''': Uh... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amazo''': Checkmate. You are improving. This time it took me 16 moves to defeat you. That's nearly double the number it took last time. :'''Aquaman''': ''[annoyed]'' Set up the board. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Fate''': Solomon Grundy's grave is empty. :'''Aquaman''': Find those responsible, then dig more graves. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Fate''': ''[magically watching Superman, Green Lantern and Vixen fighting Solomon Grundy]'' They need our help. :'''Shayera Hol''': So does Grundy. Let's try and get there before the League kills him. :'''Amazo''': ''[as the battle turns against the League]'' That scenario seems... unlikely. <hr width="50%"/> :''[John and Shayera meet for the first time since Starcrossed.]'' :'''Green Lantern''': Shayera? :'''Shayera Hol''': ... Hate the beard. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': You let Amazo out of the tower now? :'''Dr. Fate''': I'm curious to see how you would dissuade him. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Lantern''': ''[Seeing Superman coming from water to the bridge]'' Are you OK? :'''Superman''': Do I look OK? <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Doctor Fate|Doctor Fate]]''': The creature knows only rage and seeks only oblivion. Your mace may be the only object on Earth that can grant him peace. :'''[[W: John Stewart (comics)|Green Lantern]]''': What are you saying!? :'''Shayera Hol''': Your favorite movie's [[w: Old Yeller (1957 film)|Old Yeller]]. You know ''exactly'' what he's saying. Is this my destiny? To be a destroyer? To betray yet another friend? :'''Doctor Fate''': It's not that simple. It never was. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The vote to keep Shayera in the league or not is revealed.]'' :'''Green Lantern''': I recused myself because... well... Anyway, Superman broke the tie. :'''Superman''': I believe in second chances, I believe in redemption. But mostly, I believe in my friends. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Lantern''': ''[as several onlookers jeer Shayera]'' Back off! She doesn't have to take that from you people! :'''Shayera Hol''': Yes, I do. But it's okay. I guess I deserve some of it. :''[Her hand is taken]'' :'''Mother''': You saved our lives. God bless you, Chica Halcón. :'''Green Lantern''': You deserve that, too. ===''The Once and Future Thing Part 1: Weird Western Tales'' [1.12]=== :'''Enid Clinton''': David? David! Are you hiding in the garage again? Look at this mess. Come on out, David. I know you're here. :'''David Clinton''': Oh. Hello, dear. I was just cataloging some of my collection. :'''Enid Clinton''': Collection? Pft. Bunch of junk. :'''David Clinton''': It's not junk. This comb belonged to Cleopatra. And this... This is an actual early draft of the Magna Carta. And this... :'''Enid Clinton''': Right. Like you could afford these things on a physics professor's salary. We can't even afford the new car I want. :'''David Clinton''': I-I didn't buy them, Enid. I sort of took them. :'''Enid Clinton''': You robbed a museum? Is that why you're wearing that goofy cat suit? :'''David Clinton''': Well, sort of. Not exactly. Remember last summer when I didn't get tenure? :'''Enid Clinton''': Yeah. They thought you were crazy because you kept insisting you were on the verge of discovering... time travel. :'''David Clinton''': It's my chrono-suit. I've had it working for months. I've been using it to gather treasures for my collection. And you said I was a loser. :'''Enid Clinton''': Let me get this straight. You got a suit that lets you travel in time, and you've been using it to steal historical trash? ''[David looks proud; Enid grabs him abusively]'' You stupid little man! You could go back and steal gold and jewels! You could get stock information from the future! We could be rich! :'''[[w:Chronos (comics)|David Clinton]]''': No! We can't use the suit to do anything that could change history. I'm careful to only take things that wouldn't be missed. :'''Enid Clinton''': Like your ''spine?'' :'''David Clinton''': Enid, please, don't talk to me like that. I love- :'''Enid Clinton''': Mother was right. I should have married Jim Doorman. He's a very successful lawyer. And you ''ARE'' a loser - always were, always will be. :'''David Clinton''': But- :'''Enid Clinton''': YOU WORTHLESS, GOOD-FOR-NOTHING, WRETCHED WASTE OF SPACE! YOU INVENT A TIME MACHINE AND CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING USEFUL TO DO WITH IT?! :'''David Clinton''': ''[is stunned with fright at first, but then turns angry]'' I can think of ONE thing! ''[activates a portal in time]'' I can use it to get away from YOU! :''[He disappears into it, leaving Enid looking scared]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': By all means, you first. :'''Green Lantern''': Diana's carrying a grudge. :'''Batman''': She'll get over it. How 'bout you? Carrying anything? :'''Green Lantern''': What? Shayera? We're cool. We're giving each other our space. I'm seeing Vixen, now. ''[pause]'' I'm very happy. :'''Batman''': Uh-''huh''. :'''Green Lantern''': Anyway, why are we always talking about my love life? What's going on between you and Diana? :'''Batman''': Nothing. She's a respected colleague. :'''Green Lantern''': Uh-''huh''. :'''Batman''': I don't have time to pursue a relationship. My work is too important to allow any distractions. Diana's a remarkable woman, she's a valued friend, she's... ''[realizes]'' ...standing right behind me, isn't she? :'''Wonder Woman''': ''[indeed she is]'' Don't let that stop you. ''[leans over Batman, flirtatiously]'' Keep digging. :'''David Clinton''': [GRUNTING] Aah! :'''Batman''': Who are you? How did you get in the watchtower? :'''David Clinton''': You weren't supposed see me. Stay away! No one's supposed to know I was here. :'''Green Lantern''': Everybody okay? :'''Wonder Woman''': Where are we? :'''Batman''': "Where"? I think the question is "when"? :'''Wild West Robber''': I have to confess. You're about the most colorfully attired individuals I've ever bushwhacked. You circus folk? :'''Wonder Woman''': Not exactly. :'''Wild West Robber''': I don't care what you are, long as you pay the toll. :'''Wonder Woman''': Toll? :'''Wild West Robber''': Welcome to Elkhorn, Oklahoma, ma'am. This here is Tobias Manning territory. :'''Wonder Woman''': You want tribute? Money? :'''Wild West Robber''': Why in particular.. That fat gold chain will do just fine, unless you got somethin' else you want to give... [SCREAMS] :'''Wonder Woman''': Those are the biggest, slowest bullets I've ever seen. :'''Batman''': You're letting them go? :'''Wonder Woman''': Hm? Oh, no. :'''Batman''': I was afraid of this. The Elkhorn Gazette. It's either an amazing forgery, or it's less than a month old. :'''Wonder Woman''': So? :'''Batman''': Look at the date. :'''Batman''': ''[reading]: June, 1879. :'''Green Lantern''': I have mentioned how much I hate time travel. :'''Wonder Woman''': If we don't find our sneak thief, we're stuck here. :'''Green Lantern''': Let's head for the nearest town. See if we can find him. :'''Batman''': We can't go anywhere dressed like this. :'''Wonder Woman''': No. We can't. <hr width="50%"/> :''[after swapping their costumes for cowboy clothes]'' :'''Diana''': These shoes are killing me. :'''Bruce Wayne''': You fight crime wearing high heels. :'''Diana''': High heels that fit. Aren't you going to put those on, John? :'''Green Lantern''': Has the shower been invented yet? Somebody should tell this guy. :'''John Stewart''': Those empty holsters aren't going to scare anybody. You sure you don't want one of these? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Positive. Let's ride. :'''Diana''': Hyah! :'''Tobias Manning''': What's it gonna be, Earl? :'''Earl''': I'm studying it, Tobias. :'''Bat Lash''': My pappy always said, "Faint of heart never filled a flush." :'''Earl''': It ain't your pappy's money. Fold. :'''Tobias Manning''': That leaves you and me. What are you holding, Mr. Lash? :'''Bat Lash''': It'll cost you another $500 to find out. :'''Tobias Manning''': Call. Four kings and an ace. :'''Bat Lash''': Well, now, that's a mite perplexing, seeing as I got four aces and a king. :'''Tobias Manning''': Well, I've got the gun. :'''Bat Lash''': Lot of that going around lately. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bat Lash''': Seems like a waste of a good-sized pot. How 'bout we split it and both walk away? :''[Manning's gun extends six additional barrels]'' :'''Tobias Manning''': How 'bout I keep it all? :'''Bat Lash''': Sounds fair the way you explain it. :'''Diana''': That technology's from the future. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Wait. We don't know how things work here yet. :'''Tobias Manning''': Hang him at dawn. :'''Bat Lash''': Don't I get a trial? :'''Tobias Manning''': Sure. You're guilty. My town, my rules. :'''Bat Lash''': Wait a minute. Can't we talk about this? How 'bout another hand? Double or nothin'! :'''John Stewart''': I think we know how things work here now. :'''Diana''': We have to help that man. :'''Bruce Wayne''': That's not what we're here for. Someone's tampering with history. The stakes are much bigger than the life of one card shark. :'''Diana''': Then it's settled. We'll break him out after sundown. :'''David Clinton''': That's not going to work. I tried it. Yeah, those bars are cheap pig iron, but they're plenty strong enough to hold. At least until morning when they come to hang you. :'''Bat Lash''': Do you mind? I'm trying to plan an escape over here. :'''David Clinton''': How's it going so far? :'''Bat Lash''': I'm working on it. :'''Guard''': Quiet down in there! :'''Bat Lash''': That's just what I was telling him. :'''John Stewart''': I'll get the door. Or that. :'''Bruce Wayne''': I'd get out of town if I were you. :'''Bat Lash''': I'd like to, but my pappy always said, "A man who sticks his head in the sand makes a pretty good target." I got business to conclude before I leave. Bartholomew Aloysius Lash. Friends call me Bat. Bat Lash. :'''John Stewart''': I'm John. These are my friends Diana and, uh... :'''Bruce Wayne''': Bruce. :'''John Stewart''': We're the lawmen, looking to bring a criminal to justices. :'''Diana''': You may have seen him. He's got amazing machines. We think the man who put you in here works for him. :'''David Clinton''': Not quite, Wonder Woman. :'''Diana''': How do you know who I am? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Because he's the man we're looking for. :'''David Clinton''': David Clinton, inventor of the chrono-suit, at your disposal. :'''John Stewart''': You tried to steal Batman's utility belt. :'''David Clinton''': And you chased me, but time tunnels are somewhat counter-intuitive. Even though you were only seconds behind me, I arrived here nearly six months before you did. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Where's your time travel device? :'''David Clinton''': Now, that's a story. As soon as I got here, I was robbed. :'''Diana''': By Tobias Manning. :'''David Clinton''': Yes, ma'am. He took my suit and used it to take over this town. He keeps taking trips to the future and coming back with stolen technology. He keeps me here to teach him how to use the stuff that he can't work out for himself. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bat Lash''': Which I'd suspect is most of it, what with him being so mule-stupid and all. :'''David Clinton''': It's been horrible here. Humiliating. I just want to go home. I'll gladly take my punishment if you help me get back. :'''John Stewart''': How did Tobias take over a whole town with a time machine? :'''David Clinton''': Future tech, like his extra-dimensional six-gun. :'''Bruce Wayne''': And his surveillance cameras. We need to go. Now. :'''Diana''': You're with us. :'''Bat Lash''': That's a healthy gal. :'''John Stewart''': I've got their positions. I'm gonna take 'em down. :'''Diana''': Don't hurt anyone. We could accidentally change history. :'''John Stewart''': Little late for that, don't you think? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Go ahead. Give me an excuse. :'''John Stewart''': Something's happening out there. :'''Bat Lash''': Something's happening, all right. The cavalry's arrived. :'''John Stewart''': Who are you people? :'''Sheriff Ohiyesa Smith''': Sheriff Ohiyesa Smith. :'''El Diablo''': El Diablo, ever at the service of justice. :'''Jonah Hex''': Jonah Hex. Don't have a lot of time for jawing. In these parts, there's an abundance of bad men who need setting straight. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': You're with us. :''[tears the door off David's cell]'' :'''Bat Lash''': That's a healthy gal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Jonah Hex|Jonah Hex]]''': If you all are working for Tobias, there's gonna be difficulty. :'''[[w:Bat Lash|Bat Lash]]''': Easy, Jonah - they're with me. They helped me out of a spot while I was here incognito tryin' to find out more about Tobias. :'''[[w:Pow Wow Smith|Ohiyesa Smith]]''': What have you learned? :'''Bat Lash''': Among other moral failings, the man cheats at poker. :'''Jonah Hex''': ''[scoffs]'' I could have told you that. ''[hacks and spits]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Jonah Hex''': What's your stake in this? :'''John Stewart''': We're lawmen too. :'''Jonah Hex''': From back east? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Sure. <hr width="50%"/> :'''John Stewart''': What's the plan? :'''Jonah Hex''': Plan? Huh. We put 'em in the ground. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Jonah Hex''': Fancy gun belt ya got there. I'm thinking you folks are time travelers. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Where would you get a crazy idea like that? :'''Jonah Hex''': Experience. I've had an interesting life. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce Wayne''': Go ahead... give me an excuse. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ohiyesa Smith''': We're getting close. I wanna warn you, there's some downright unusual activity goin' on hereabouts; don't let it throw you. :'''John Stewart''': Don't worry about it, we've got a lot of experience with unusu- ''[a cowboy riding a pterodactyl flies towards them]'' ...I'm sorry, you were saying? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ohiyesa Smith''': Tobias Manning's always been trouble. I've run him out of town before. Well, he came back, except this time he had... I don't know, magic powers. :'''[[w:El Diablo (comics)|El Diablo]]''': There's no such thing as magic, my friend. It was some sort of trickery. :'''Ohiyesa Smith''': Well, he "tricked" me near to death. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ohiyesa Smith''': The shots are spooking the horses! :''' Bat Lash''': The shots are spooking me! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce Wayne''': Six guns. Six of us. Nobody miss. ===''The Once and Future Thing Part 2: Time, Warped'' [1.13]=== :'''Green Lantern''': Last time I saw you, you were too young to drive. You look good for a man your age! :'''[[w: Static (comics)|Static]]''': The miracles of modern medicine. Sixty-five is the new thirty! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[met by his past self]'' Surprised to see me? :'''Batman''': A little. I'm more surprised that I lived so long. :'''[[W: Terry McGinnis|Terry McGinnis (Batman II):]]''' Batman, Bruce Wayne. Bruce Wayne, Batman. Or have you met? :'''Batman and Bruce''': ''[simultaneously]'' Not now! :'''Batman II''': Great. What did they used to call it? [[w: Stereophonic sound|Stereo?]] <hr width="50%"/> :'''Static''': Shayera was one ''cranky'' pregnant lady. Although to be fair, if I'd laid an egg that size... :'''[[w:Warhawk (Batman Beyond)|Warhawk]]''': ''[to Green Lantern]'' He's ''kidding'', Dad—not that I understand why you think this is anything to joke about. :'''Static''': Because we already won. Think about it: If old Bruce is here, that means he already lived through this as Batman. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Flawless logic...except that I have no memory of ever going to the future and meeting my older self, or of anything else that's happening today. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Chronos (comics)|Chronos]]''': The question arises: who told them where and when our targets would arrive? I mean, I told you, and I only know because I'm the undisputed master of space and time. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Chronos sends the traitorous Joker, Chucko, back to prehistoric times]'' :'''Chronos''': Enjoy your stay. :''[Chronos disappears in his portal; a Tyrannosaurus Rex appears and Chucko draws a lightsaber]'' :'''Chucko''': You think I'm scared?! I'll be running this dump in a few ye-! ''[sees a giant asteroid falling right towards him from the sky]'' ...Aw, phooey. :''[We see a massive explosion on Earth, killing the dinosaurs and Chucko. Chronos returns to Enid and the other Jokerz]'' :'''Chronos''': Do you know what killed the dinosaurs? :''[The Jokerz look around stupidly]'' :'''Bonk''': Uh, no... sir? :'''Chronos''': Well, Chucko does. And unless you wanna find out firsthand, you'll go finish off the Justice League. Skedaddle! Time is money! ''[to Enid]'' Actually, time is the non-spatial continuum in which events occur linearly, usually in the direction of increased entropy. But the clowns seem to relate better to the money thing. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman II''': We need to find Chronos. :'''Static''': How? He could be anywhere. :'''Batman''': Sometimes, the best ways are the old ways. ''[Heads for the door]'' :'''Batman II''': It's not that simple. You don't know your way around here. A lot of things have changed. :'''Batman''': ''[pauses with the door half-open]'' Are criminals still superstitious and cowardly? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Yep. :'''Batman''': Good enough for me. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The League confronts one of the Jokerz.]'' :'''Batman II''': You've got some information we need, Ghoul. :'''Ghoul''': You won't find me the talkative sort. ''[Batman grabs him]'' Hey! :'''Batman''': ''[drags Ghoul over to the edge of the building and dangles him over the edge by his leg]'' Where's Chronos? My arm's getting tired. :'''Bruce Wayne''': I can't believe I was ever that green. ''[grabs Ghoul and throws him across the rooftop before advancing on him slowly]'' ''This'' is how you interrogate someone! :''[Later]'' :'''Ghoul''': ...and we've got 9453 active Jokerz organized into about 200 smaller groups. I don't know where Chronos is! He contacts us! He spends every night in a different one of those old buildings! There's no way of knowing ahead of time where he's gonna be! And that's everything I know! :'''Bruce Wayne''': Everything? :'''Ghoul''': ... I wet my bed until I was fourteen! :'''Bruce Wayne''': Losing my patience... :'''Batman''': ''[pulls Bruce Wayne back with a hand on his shoulder]'' I can't control my friend here much longer. You'd better give us something we can use. :'''Ghoul''': His wife! I know where his wife is! :'''Static''': ''[on the sidelines, quietly]'' Wow. Batman playing ''good'' cop... ''[shakes his head in astonishment]'' :'''Green Lantern''': Everything's relative. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Warhawk''': If we don't beat this guy, it's the end of everything. :'''Batman II''': We've been there before. :'''Warhawk''': Not like this. What are you supposed to do when you have the weight of the world on your shoulders? :'''Green Lantern''': Plant your feet. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Lantern''': I don't get it. Of all the places in the city he could stay, why here? :'''Enid Clinton''': Because a loser with a kingdom is still just a loser! See for yourself! ''[opens the time-displaced Elkhorn town jail, where Chronos is sleeping, curled up and sucking his thumb]'' :'''Chronos:''' ''[wakes up]'' Huh- Uh- Enid? :'''Green Lantern''': Nice on the stealth thing, lady. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Chronos! :'''Chronos:''' Wow. You ''are'' good. ''[turns to Enid]'' Isn't he good? :'''Batman''': Look at what's happening around you! Look at the sky! :''[Above them, existence is becoming a white void]'' :'''Chronos''': ''[with a crazed smile]'' Pretty... :'''Green Lantern''': Stay with us, man! We have a problem here! :'''Chronos''': Right, you're right. This calls for another approach. ''[kisses Enid on the cheek and activates a portal]'' You'll love me next time! :''[Batman and Green Lantern pursue Chronos into the portal.]'' :'''Batman''': Where's he going? There's nothing left! :'''Green Lantern''': Yes, there is - the beginning of time. :'''Batman''': He can reset everything; make himself into a god! :'''Green Lantern''': Only if he gets there first. :''[Ahead of them, the image of a swirling pattern in the palm of a hand appears.]'' :'''Green Lantern''': The Green Lanterns have a legend. No one can see the beginning of time. It's a universal law! :'''Batman''': Write him a ticket! :''[Green Lantern forms manacles that seize Chronos and pull him back.]'' :'''Chronos''': NO! :''[Batman inserts the disk he's written into the time-travel belt.]'' :'''Batman''': Uploading the program... :'''Green Lantern''': Make it fast! Having a little trouble with the brakes! :''[They are suddenly back where they started, in the Watchtower cafeteria.]'' :'''Green Lantern''': ... That all... really happened? :'''Batman''': Think so. :'''Green Lantern''': Then... we won? Everything's back to normal? :'''Wonder Woman''': That's a nasty cut, John. :''[Green Lantern touches the cut he got during their adventure.]'' :'''Batman''': ''[to Wonder Woman]'' You don't remember going on a mission with us today, do you? :'''Wonder Woman''': I just got here. :'''Batman''': ''[in an undertone to Green Lantern]'' The timeline's restored to equilibrium. We're the only two people who remember what happened. :''[Green Lantern notices Shayera, who merely gives him an offhanded look]'' :'''Green Lantern''': That... complicates things. What happened to Chronos? :'''Batman''': ''[amusement in his voice]'' I reprogrammed the belt to make sure that Chronos would never come to exist. :''[Flash to the future, when Chronos first tried to jump though time to escape his wife. Every time he punches the button, he arrives back in the same moment he would have left.]'' ==Season 2== ===''The Cat and the Canary'' [2.1]=== :'''[[w: Black Canary|Black Canary]]''': Black Canary. :'''Green Arrow''': Green Arrow. ''[They shake hands]'' I've noticed you around. :'''Black Canary''': I know. You happy punching the bag or you wanna go a few rounds with me? ''[Green Arrow stares awkwardly]'' I ''am'' talking about sparring. :'''Green Arrow''': That'd be nice too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': Well, at least now I understand why you brought me along. You didn't need Green Arrow - you just needed "green." :'''Black Canary''': It isn't like that! :'''Green Arrow''': No? Then tell me - what's it like? :'''Black Canary''': I thought I could trust you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wildcat''': What is this? :'''Black Canary''': We want to help you, Ted. We want to get you out of here. :'''Wildcat''': Why? Does it look like I have a problem? :'''Black Canary''': You do if you don't see what you've become here! You're entertainment for these people! The rooster in a cockfight! :'''Wildcat''': Fighting is what I ''do'', alright? It was all I was ever good at and I'm ''still'' good at it - I'm Wildcat, the guy who fights! That's what I am. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wildcat''': I'll be there in ten minutes. :'''Black Canary''': Would those be real minutes or Wildcat minutes? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': Uh, there's no place to change. :'''Black Canary''': Right here'll do. :''[they turn their backs to each other and Dinah begins to undress, Ollie sneaks a look over his shoulder.]'' :'''Black Canary''': You drop something? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Roulette''': That's right. Two good guys, fighting each other. And one of them's her. ''[cut to Black Canary, then cut to the audience, where male jaws are dropping]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Black Canary''': ''[To Roulette]'' Then here's the deal: If I win, you ban Wildcat from cage fighting forever. And If I lose, ''[to Wildcat]'' I'll never bother you again. :'''Wildcat''': Forget it! :'''[[w:Roulette (DC Comics)|Roulette]]''': Can't do that, Cat - it's much too good an idea. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Black Canary''': You don’t understand, if we leave here without Wildcat, or worse, if I use my power to force him out, he'll just come back. We have to settle this the only way he understands. :'''Green Arrow''': You're not really gonna fight him... :'''Black Canary''': I have to. And beat him, it's the only way he can stop. :'''Green Arrow''': ''[takes an arrow]'' I thought it was just you pretending again. :'''Black Canary''': What's that supposed to mean? :'''Green Arrow''': Like all the flirting you did at the Watchtower. The way you acted interested. To get me to come with you. :'''Black Canary''': Who said that was pretending? :'''Green Arrow''': Oh no, I know your game now. :'''Black Canary''': It's not always a game. :'''Green Arrow''': No? Come here, look me in the eye and say so. ''[Black Canary comes closer to Green Arrow, who knocks her out with gas from the arrow; Roulette enters the room and sees Black Canary unconscious]'' Don't worry. You'll still get your main event. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Black Canary''': ''[to Green Arrow, who she thinks is dead]'' You know, that was an incredibly stupid thing to do. Not to mention arrogant, pig-headed, macho, and... very very sweet. ''[kisses him]'' I'm sorry... :'''Green Arrow''': ''[opens eyes]'' I'm not. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': Care to join me for a cup of coffee? :'''Black Canary''': Yeah. :'''Green Arrow''': Good. You're buying. :''[As he limps away, Canary smiles.]'' ===''The Ties That Bind'' [2.2]=== :'''Oberon''': Craziest stunt you ever pulled... :'''Mr. Miracle''': That's why we're rehearsing it. :'''Oberon''': Kid's got an answer for everything. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mr. Miracle has just performed a seemingly impossible escape]'' :'''[[w:Big Barda|Big Barda]]''': ''[Relieved; hugs him]'' Scott! I thought you were dead! ''[angry; picks him up]'' You insufferable showboat! I thought you were dead! <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Mister Miracle|Mister Miracle]]''': Hey, where is Oberon? :'''Granny Goodness''': Don't worry, dumpling. He's safe and sound, in Granny's loving care! Of course, if you ever want to see the old runt alive again, you'll do exactly as Granny says. :'''Big Barda''': You demented old gargoyle... <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Flash (comics)|Flash]]''': Could it hurt them to show me just a little respect? :'''[[w:Elongated Man|Elongated Man]]''': Tell me about it, I've been at this longer than you and they still treat me like comic relief. :'''Flash''': Better than being treated like a teenage sidekick! I mean, I was one of the original seven! Tell me the truth, Ralph, do I seem immature to you? :'''Elongated Man''': Not in the least. :''[Widen to show they are playing "Brawlin' Bots"]'' :'''Flash''': Ha! I bopped your block off! :'''Elongated Man''': That-that's not fair, the green guy's arms are longer! :'''Flash''': Are not! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Big Barda''': We don't need these cowards! We can do it on our own! :'''Flash''': Great news, Bertha! You don't have to! :''[Barda seizes him by the throat] :'''Big Barda''': BARDA! :'''Flash''': ''[squeaks]'' Isn't that what I said? <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Virman Vundabar|Virman Vundabar]]''': Kalibak, Kalibak, Kalibak... I have used every vile punishment, every known torture, yet still you refuse to join Virman Vundabar's noble cause. :'''[[w:Kalibak|Kalibak]]''': You're about as noble as my armpit. :'''Virman Vundabar''': Very well, you've forced me to my last resort! ''[reaches into his uniform]'' Cake! ''[Kalibak licks his lips, but then spits at Vundabar]'' Oh, did I say that was my last resort? My mistake, I have one more! ''[activates torture device]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Oberon (comics)|Oberon]]''': You've always been this deluded? Or is it just since senility set in? :'''[[w:Granny Goodness|Granny Goodness]]''': Oh! You wound Granny. But not as much as Granny is going to wound you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Granny Goodness''': Are you enjoying Granny's hospitality? :'''Oberon''': Ah, blow it out your shorts, ya goose-stepping harpy! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash''': Not that I mind the exercise, but couldn't your boob tube have transported us any closer? :'''Big Barda''': It's "boom tube"! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Virman Vundabar''': Ah, this should be a magnificent show, even if I already know the ending. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Big Barda is fighting the robot guards]'' :'''Flash''': Robots! I ''love'' smashing robots! :'''Mr. Miracle''': No! You've got something more important to do. Search this place and find Kalibak. :'''Flash''': Will you two be all - ''[robot head flies past]'' Okay! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kalibak''': Well, if it isn't my treacherous stepbrother. And his ''cow.'' :'''Big Barda''': Arrogant worm! How dare you -! ''[swings at him]'' :'''Flash''': ''Knock it off!'' What are you guys, twelve? I can't believe ''I'm'' the mature one here. :'''Mr. Miracle''': He's right. We've got bigger problems. :'''Virman Vundabar''': Indeed you do, fools! Much bigger! And, oh, how I will delight in watching you fail! ''[Barda blasts the monitor]'' [[w:Arte Johnson|Very interesting...but futile]]. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kalibak''': Saved by a female! :'''Flash''': ''[To Big Barda]'' Guess you'd better drop him. ''[Big Barda starts to drop him]'' ''KIDDING!'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Scott Free is trapped in a room rapidly filling with water]'' :'''Virman Vundabar''': Enjoying your bath, Mr. Miracle? Here at Casa de Vundabar, we provide everything, including your very last breath! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kalibak''': Vundabar's not done with us yet! :''[An entire army of guard robots suddenly attack]'' :'''Flash''': Hope you're happy! :'''Kalibak''': Indeed I am! :''[Big Barda and Kalibak smash the guards, Miracle and Flash hang back]'' :'''Flash''': Shouldn't we...? :'''Mr. Miracle''': And spoil their fun? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Martian Manhunter''': ''[to Granny Goodness]'' Try not to think about where you've got Oberon hidden. - ''[to Flash]'' Darkseid's old palace. I'll guide you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mr. Miracle''': Ah, it's good to see you, old friend! :'''Oberon''': It's good to see me, too! :'''Big Barda''': All the trouble we had to go through because of you. :'''Oberon''': All legs, and no heart. :'''Big Barda''': You're just too far away to hear it. :''[kneels and hugs him]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[as Scott and his party depart Apokolips]'' :'''Granny Goodness''': How? Granny never failed with any of them. How did she fail with him? :'''Big Barda''': ''[comes back]'' Oh, one last thing... :''[She delivers a right cross to Granny's jaw, knocking her cold.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Martian Manhunter''': Flash- :'''Flash''': Yeah, I know, I know, I went behind your back! But look how everything turned out! We boom back here for you, the switch went off perfectly, and now we've got Kalibak locked up on Earth where neither side can use him! :'''Martian Manhunter''': You don't- :'''Flash''': So, yeah! I did go behind your back, but you know what? I'd do it again! What do you say to that, big guy? :'''Martian Manhunter''': I was only going to ask if you wanted to play Brawlin' Bots. ''[smiles]'' :'''Flash''': ...Dibs on the green one! ''[zooms away]'' :'''Martian Manhunter''': I wanted the green one... ===''The Doomsday Sanction'' [2.3]=== :'''Anchorman''': In the Caribbean, the San Baquero volcano went active during the night, sending a cloud of ash miles into the air. Geologists predict a devastating eruption sometime within the week. Sources report the Justice League has offered to help the Baqueran authorities with the evacuation. :'''Amanda Waller''': Yeah, have the car ready in 20 minutes and get all the division heads in for the meeting an hour early. :'''Anchorman''': Closer to home, the political world is still reeling from Lex Luthor's surprise announcement of his candidacy for President of the United States. Overnight polling among likely voters shows Luthor to be within striking distance of both major party candidates. :'''Batman''': Get dressed. It's time we talked. <hr width="50%"/> :''[As he intercepts her on her bath]'' :'''Batman''': Amanda Waller. Born in St. Louis, Rhodes scholar, PhD in Political Science. Served in Intelligence, under three administrations. Disappeared from public life, four years ago. :'''Amanda Waller''': ''[deadpan]'' Am I supposed to be impressed? Maybe I should rattle off ''[[W:Bruce Wayne|your]]'' resume now? Y'know, I ''could'' blow the whistle on you any time I want... :'''Batman''': Fine, why don't we step into the light ''together''? I'm sure the American people will be just as interested in ''your'' activities as mine - Secret weapons, illegal cloning experiments, bypassing Congress... :'''Amanda Waller''': What do you want!? :'''Batman''': I want to know what you think you're doing. :'''Amanda Waller''': Did Superman ever mention that to get [[W:Lex Luthor|Luthor's]] pardon, he had to tell us about your parallel universe adventure? ''All about it?'' We started to wonder what would happen if you took the same action that the Justice Lords did, so I had my people run some computer simulations. If the Justice League ever went rogue, ''what do you think would be the result''? :'''Batman''': That's moot. :'''Amanda Waller''': ''[Dryly]'' Humor me. In every single scenario, you beat us. Badly. But that was before [[W:Project Cadmus (DC Comics)|Cadmus.]] Now we have the technology to defend ourselves. :'''Batman''': ''[Threatening]'' Whatever you ''think'' you're doing, if you present a threat to the world, the Justice League will take you down... :'''Amanda Waller''': ''[Angry]'' If ''we'' present a threat!? You got a ''[[W:Watchtower (DC Comics)|spaceship]]'' floating over our heads with a laser weapon pointing ''down''! In another dimension, seven of you overthrew the government and assassinated the President! ''We're'' the good guys, protecting our country from a very real threat: ''you''. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash''': How long is this gonna take? I thought we had an island to evacuate. :'''Wonder Woman''': First team's already down there. We'll join them as soon as we're done. I want to hear what you learned. :'''Batman''': Project Cadmus is in the business of developing weapons, specifically to fight us. :'''Martian Manhunter''': They're worried we've grown too powerful, and they want to even the odds. :'''Batman''': Exactly. They were behind that business with the Ultimen and the Supergirl clone. :'''Dr. Emil Hamilton''': Galatea will be fully recovered soon and ready to return to active duty. :'''Amanda Waller''': And the doomsday weapon? :'''Dr. Emil Hamilton''': Considering the damage done to its frontal lobe, the cellular regeneration has been remarkable. Its EEG's are still flat. Nonetheless, we're monitoring it closely. :'''Amanda Waller''': Keep me updated. Tala, have you developed a plan to retrieve the armor? :'''Tala''': We've come up with some promising scenarios, but they're going to require certain additional resources. :'''Amanda Waller''': Fine. See me after. :'''Flash''': What are they so worried about? We'd never try to take over like that. :'''Batman''': The Justice Lords did in their dimension. What's to stop us? :'''Flash''': Me! Those guys went overboard because their Flash died. So as long as you all focus on keeping me alive, that'll never happen here. :'''Martian Manhunter''': Let's put a pin in that theory to explore another time. :'''Superman''': I've seen the federal budget. There's no funding for a Project Cadmus. Where's the money coming from? :'''Martian Manhunter''': We're all thinking the same thing. :'''Wonder Woman''': Luthor. :'''Batman''': The obvious suspect. He funded General Hardcastle's rogue operations. But if he's bankrolling Cadmus, he's doing an excellent job of covering his tracks. I've got The Question looking into it, and-- :'''Wonder Woman, Superman, Hawkgirl, Green Lantern, Flash, and Martian Manhunter''': Awwwww! :'''Flash''': Not that kook! :'''Batman''': I admit he's wound a bit too tightly, but if anyone can find a hidden link from Luthor to Cadmus, he's the man. In the meantime, I'll be following the trail from Waller's end. :'''Amanda Waller''': And Dr. Milo, splicing together human and animal DNA, how's that going? :'''Dr. Milo''': I know what you're thinking, but my experiments are actually quite close to paying off. Dr. Langston's research has proven very useful. I just need a little more time, and I promise I'll have something concrete to show you. :'''Amanda Waller''': Concrete? Like, say, the super-powered wart hog that tore up your lab last week? Professor Hamilton's already showed me the remains. :'''Dr. Milo''': That... That was just a prototype. :'''Amanda Waller''': Dr. Milo, I'm not known for my sense of humor, but I know a sick joke when I see one. In light of the continuing lack of results from your work, I'm pulling your funding. In accordance with the Technological Clearances Act, we'll set you up in a new non-vital capacity and confiscate your classified research. As you're well aware, any public discussion of Cadmus or its work will result in your immediate sanction. And rest assured, doctor, our people will be keeping... You can go now. :'''Dr. Milo''': I know you're faking. The lobotomized portion of your brain has completely regrown. Do you remember anything from before? That's all right. I'll show you. You've been used, and you deserve to know. You see, you were created from a sample of Superman's genetic material. But your DNA was altered to make you his superior. And then you were trained to hate him. You were conditioned, humiliated, repeatedly injured... but not by Superman. By Amanda Waller and Professor Emil Hamilton. When you became uncontrollable, they tried to dispose of you. They put you in a rocket and shot you into space. But you were too strong. Your struggles threw the rocket off course... and it came back to Earth. When you landed, you fought a different Superman, one from a parallel universe. He lobotomized you. :'''Doomsday''': Superman. :'''Dr. Milo''': Yes. Good. But he isn't your enemy. Your hatred of him was manufactured. At every turn, Waller and Hamilton abused and betrayed you just as they betrayed me. Don't we both deserve retribution? :'''Doomsday''': Yes. Release me. :'''Dr. Milo''': And you'll solve both our problems? :'''Doomsday''': Yes. :'''Dr. Milo''': What are you...? :'''Doomsday''': Your problem's solved. Now for Superman. :'''Security Guard''': No! :'''Amanda Waller''': What's going on? :'''Security Guard''': Ma'am, Doomsday's escaped. :'''Amanda Waller''': Milo. I'll have his hide for this. :'''Security Guard''': Doomsday beat you to it, ma'am. :'''Flash''': Our radios are barely working. I'm spending half my time running messages around. :'''Wonder Woman''': It's the electromagnetic interference from the volcano. Superman, how's it going in there? Can you read me any better than before? :'''Superman''': You're dropping in and out. It depends on where I am. I'm trying to ease the pressure on the volcano. If I can dig some tunnels off the main core, maybe I can stop the eruption before it starts. :'''Wonder Woman''': When will you be able to tell if it's working? :'''Superman''': Hard to say. I could just as easily set it off, so I have to go slow. Just get everyone clear as soon as you can. :'''Doomsday''': Superman. I'm here to kill you. Is this a bad time? I remember those eyes. Let's see you do that again. :'''Superman''': I know who you are, but I'm not the one who hurt you. :'''Doomsday''': Superman is Superman, and I will kill you. :'''Superman''': Why? :'''Doomsday''': It's what I am. I don't care why. :'''Wade Eiling''': GPS puts the stolen pod on San Baquero. Doomsday went right back after Superman. I love a well-conditioned soldier. :'''Amanda Waller''': And what will your soldier do after he's killed Superman? We can't leave him loose. For all we know, he'll try to kill everyone on the planet. He has to be stopped before he leaves that island. :'''Wade Eiling''': But how am I supposed to...? :'''Amanda Waller''': I don't care! Get it done! :'''Wade Eiling''': This is Eiling. Authorization: firewall. Target locked. Package is ready. :'''Henchmann''': Deliver the package. :'''Wonder Woman''': Superman, give me an update. :'''Superman''': Something's come up. Just keep doing what you're doing. :'''Wonder Woman''': Where are you? I'll come help. :'''Superman''': No. Stay with the evacuation. This isn't important. Getting those people to safety is. :'''Wonder Woman''': Move it out. :'''Batman''': Another transport just landed on the mainland. They're over half done. :'''Martian Manhunter''': I don't believe it. It's a nuclear missile headed straight for San Baquero. :'''Batman''': And from the spectrograph, its warhead's lined with kryptonite. Can we hit it from up here? :'''Martian Manhunter''': No. It's moving too fast. But who fired it? :'''Amanda Waller''': Yes, Mr. President? :'''Batman''': Call off the missile. :'''Amanda Waller''': How did you get this number...? :'''Batman''': The missile headed for San Baquero. If anyone dies on that island today, I'm coming for you. :'''Amanda Waller''': You do what you have to, and so will I. Eiling! :'''Batman''': She didn't know. :'''Martian Manhunter''': Captain Atom's on his way from California. :'''Batman''': His top speed's under Mach 2. He'll never get there in time. :'''Vibe''': Oh...! :'''Booster Gold''': Hey! :'''Batman''': Clear the hangar! Now! :'''Watchtower computer''': Initiating emergency drop in three, two, one. :'''Martian Manhunter''': You're going too fast. :'''Batman''': If I let the Earth's gravity accelerate me, I should reach intercept in two minutes. :'''Martian Manhunter''': If you don't burn up on entry. :'''Amanda Waller''': What were you thinking? You're gonna kill Superman and everyone else on the island! :'''Wade Eiling''': We have to sanction Doomsday. We were gonna get to Superman somewhere down the line, and we've been trying to stop drug traffic from San Baquero for years. The way I see it: three birds, one stone. :'''Amanda Waller''': Call it off. :'''Wade Eiling''': Anti-abort safeties have already engaged. I couldn't stop it now if I wanted to. :'''Martian Manhunter''': Wonder Woman, can you hear me? There's a missile with a kryptonite warhead heading for your position. :'''Wonder Woman''': Say again. :'''Martian Manhunter''': Repeat, there's a kryptonite missile heading your way. Can you read me? :'''Wonder Woman''': Flash, get everyone as far away as you can. I'm going back for Superman. :'''Flash''': But... :'''Wonder Woman''': Do it now! :'''Batman''': The missile's armed with magnetic repulsers. :'''Martian Manhunter''': The only way past that is with the javelin itself. You could give the hull an opposing charge. :'''Batman''': Understood. :'''Martian Manhunter''': Batman? Batman, come in. :''[Superman attempts to lobotomize Doomsday with heat vision]'': :'''Doomsday''': Ah, ah, ah. Can't be beat me the same way twice! :'''Superman''': Then I guess I'll need a bigger fire! :''[Superman tosses Doomsday into the volcano.]'' :'''Superman''': Did Cadmus create you? J'onn? :'''Martian Manhunter''': I can't read his mind. His brain's been altered to resist me. :'''Superman''': You don't owe anything to them. They manipulated you and then tried to kill you. :'''Doomsday''': So I keep hearing. :'''Superman''': From who? :'''Doomsday''': All you need to know is that I will get free, and I will kill you. :'''Superman''': If that's your final word. I only use this as a last resort. It's gonna send you to another dimension. You won't be hurt, but you also won't hurt anyone else again. :'''Doomsday''': ''[before being sent to the Phantom Zone, encased in molten rock]'' You'll wish you'd killed me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': What's to stop us? :'''Flash''': Me! Those guys went overboard because their Flash died. So as long as you all focus on keeping me alive, that'll never happen here. :''[Martian Manhunter, Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, and Hawkgirl stare at him.]'' :'''Martian Manhunter''': Let's put a pin in that theory to explore another time. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I've got the Question looking into it and- :'''Flash''': Not that kook! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amanda Waller''': Doctor Milo, I'm not known for my sense of humor, but I know a sick joke when I see one. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Milo''': ''[Seeing Doomsday approach him]'' What are you...? :'''Doomsday''': Your problem solved. :''[Doomsday kills Milo while he screams]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amanda Waller''': [[W:Doctor Achilles Milo|Milo]]! I'll have his hide for this. :'''Security Guard''': [[W:Doomsday (comics)|Doomsday]] beat you to it, ma'am. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Doomsday''': Superman. I'm here to kill you. Is this a bad time? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': I know who you are. But I'm not the one who hurt you. :'''Doomsday''': Superman is Superman. And I will kill you. :'''Superman''': Why? :'''Doomsday''': It's what I am; I don't care why. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Superman and Wonder Woman step into the infirmary to visit Batman, recovering after stopping the San Baquero missile]'' :'''Wonder Woman''': ''[Joking]'' You'll do anything to avoid monitor duty... :'''Batman''': Sent him ''[Doomsday]'' off to the [[W: Phantom Zone (DC Comics)|Phantom Zone,]] didn't you? :'''Superman''': He left us no choice. :'''Batman''': Spoken like a true Justice Lord... :'''Superman''': ''[Offended]'' What!? Come on! :'''Batman''': Passing judgment like gods... With our super-powered army and our orbiting death ray... Cadmus is right to be scared - ''the human race wouldn't stand a chance...'' :'''Superman''': We'd never go there! It isn't in our nature and nothing can change that! :'''Batman''': ''Nothing?'' What if Luthor does become President, like he did in their world? ''What would stop you from doing what that Superman did!?'' :'''Superman''': There's always that Kryptonite you carry around... :'''Batman''': You don't get to joke! Not today! ''[Points at him]'' I just took a bullet for you! :'''Superman''': I'm sorry, Bruce. You're right. But you don't have to worry about the Justice League. Trust me. You know me. :'''Batman''': Yeah, I do. :'''Superman''': Get some rest. ===''Task Force X'' [2.4]=== :'''[[w:Deadshot|Deadshot]]''': ''[as his handcuffs are unlocked]'' What if I don't want to go with him? :'''[[w:Rick Flagg|Colonel Rick Flagg]]''': Then you can go and take your [[w:Electric_chair|seat]], tough guy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Floyd Lawton''': So what do I call you? :'''Colonel Rick Flagg''': The name' s Flagg. Colonel Flagg. :'''Floyd Lawton''': Colonel... Flagg? :'''Floyd Lawton''': You're kidding, right? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Deadshot''': What do you want, exactly? :'''Rick Flagg''': You're gonna do something patriotic, convict. :'''Deadshot''': Groovy. Who do I kill? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Deadshot''': An expert with nothing to lose... this must be some nasty business. :'''Rick Flagg''': A little B-and-E, a little grand larceny. No big deal. :'''Deadshot''': Right. What's the target? ''[Flagg hands him a dossier]'' :'''Colonel Rick Flagg''': Justice League headquarters. :'''Deadshot''': Always did want to die for my country. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Captain Boomerang|Captain Boomerang]]''': Ah, so we'll make our way there, pretty as you please, then maybe a picnic lunch and the Justice League will give us a ride home. We may as well be storming Heaven's Gate itself. :'''[[w:Clock King|Clock King]]''': Unlike Heaven, this tower has a duty roster. One I've studied thoroughly. I've scheduled your visit for when they're at their weakest. :'''Captain Boomerang''': Define "weakest", please. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rick Flagg''': Okay, Plastique, you're setting the charge, and Superman walks in the room. :'''[[w:Plastique (comics)|Plastique]]''': You said he wouldn't be there! :'''Colonel Rick Flagg''': Last minute change in the duty roster, Superman's got the drop on you - what do you do? :'''Plastique''': Before or after I change my [[w:Diaper|Diaper]]? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Deadshot''': I thought he was gonna wet himself when you mentioned the Martian. He couldn't let us through fast enough. :'''Plastique''': That was nothing. I almost lost it when this bonehead set off the metal detector. :'''Captain Boomerang''': Seventy-five cents is seventy-five cents. I'm supposed to throw away money? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Task Force X readies their weapons in an elevator.]'' :'''Deadshot''': ''[addressing Colonel Flag]'' And you? Going in unarmed? :'''Captain Boomerang''': This one don't need no weapons. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Deadshot and Plastique board the elevator; Green Lantern catches the door with his ring]'' :'''Green Lantern''': Hey. :'''Deadshot''': How ya doin'. :''[Brief silence; Deadshot gives Plastique a sidelong glance]'' :'''Deadshot''': Uh, excuse me, Mr. Lantern? For six weeks now, my wife's been after me for Hawkgirl's autograph; you wouldn't know where she's at today, would you? :'''Green Lantern''': ''[annoyed]'' Haven't seen her. ''[gets off elevator]'' :'''Deadshot''': Okay, thanks anyway. :'''Plastique''': You are a ''very'' bad boy. :'''Deadshot''': Tell me you didn't love it. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Task Force X is attempting to escape the Watchtower; they burst onto the transport deck]'' :'''Martian Manhunter''': Ask yourselves - is being in here with me what you truly desire? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Deadshot''': C'est la vie. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amanda Waller''': You really think we can do something with this? :'''Tala''': An invulnerable juggernaut forged by the gods? Oh yes, Ms. Waller, most definitely. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Deadshot''': Most fun I've had since my last root canal. Well gang, guess I'll be saying- :''[Attacked by Colonel Flagg]'' :'''Colonel Rick Flagg''': Dream on, dirtbag. Five years. You sign up for missions like this for five years. If you survive, then you go free. You don't like it, there's a nice warm seat waiting for you back at Belle Reve Correctional. :'''Deadshot''': Tell me, Colonel - what's Waller got on you? :'''Colonel Rick Flagg''': Not a thing. Some of us don't have to be blackmailed into serving their country. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Lantern''': How did you know Vance was the inside man? :'''Martian Manunter''': He was the only one on the tower whose mind I couldn't read. Cadmus must have supplied him with a sophisticated method of masking his thoughts. :'''Green Lantern''': So, what do we do with him now? :'''Martian Manhunter''': I'd like to go in there and wipe clean the last two years of his memory. :'''Green Lantern''': Whoa. That's a little harsh, don't you think? :'''Martian Manhunter''': He's a liability. :'''Green Lantern''': I'm sure he's spilled everything he knows to Cadmus. :'''Martian Manhunter''': Don't you understand? We can't trust him. :'''Green Lantern''': J'onn... we can't trust anyone now. :'''Plastique''': Cool it, Martian. Back off, freak show, or the meat puppet eats it. :'''Colonel Rick Flagg''': Come here. Let's go, girl. :'''Plastique''': I've set this for 30 seconds. Plenty of time for you to disarm. Or not, as the case may be. :'''Captain Atom''': Not very ladylike behavior, ma'am. :'''Colonel Rick Flagg''': Unh! Plastique! :'''Plastique''': Ah! :'''Deadshoot''': C'est la vie. :'''Martian Manhunter''': Tend to her. They thought of everything. :'''Amanda Waller''': You really think we can do something with this? :'''Tala''': An invulnerable juggernaut forged by the gods? Oh, yes, Miss Waller, most definitely. :'''Amanda Waller''': I heard we lost Plastique. :'''Colonel Rick Flagg''': Yes, ma'am. You'll have my full report by 0800. :'''Amanda Waller''': Right. That'll be all. Rick, you're a good soldier. Your father would be proud. :'''Rick Flagg''': Ma'am. ===''The Balance'' [2.5]=== :'''Felix Faust''': That's never going to work. When did the Greeks ever use precipitate of bismuth in their potions? :'''Tala''': The Greeks didn't. But I'm making a counter-potion, remember? :'''[[w:Felix Faust|Felix Faust]]''': Tala, you've come a long way since my untimely demise. But the student, however gifted, still has much to learn from the teacher. :'''Tala''': And I'm supposed to take advice from you, when without my spell, your spirit would have been — poof! — lost on the winds. :'''Felix Faust''': Yes. So very kind of you to trap me in this mirror for all eternity. :'''Tala''': Beats the alternative. :'''Felix Faust''': True enough. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tala''': This is really bad, isn't it? :'''Felix Faust''': You have no idea. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash''': I had dinner with two women at the same time. 'Cause I'm a stud. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Etrigan''': ''[screaming, shifting between demon and human forms]'' The gates of Tartarus swing both ways! AARGH! The balance tilts towards chaos! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zatanna''': ''[speaking backwards]'' Lleh fo enorht eht no stis tsuaf! Tsol si lla! ''["All is lost! Faust sits on the throne of Hell!"]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': Flash! :'''Hermes''': No, it's the original speedster. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hermes''': I've got something for you, here, it's pretty important. Zeus paid for overnight service. Here it is. ''[Hands her a scroll]'' :'''Wonder Woman''':''[reading]'' "For a good time, call Podenemus"...? :'''Hermes''': ''[Grabs the scroll]'' Wha-uh-, heh-heh... Wrong scroll. I think I got a shot, it's her cell number... Here we go. ''[reads]'' "By decree of Zeus, father of Olympus, it is so ordered: Diana of Themyscira will travel to Tartarus and set right that what has been disturbed." :'''Wonder Woman''': He's telling me to go to... :'''Hermes''': Basically. Felix Faust is on the loose again. :'''Wonder Woman''': Felix Faust is dead. :'''Hermes''': Yes, and pretty upset about it, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hermes''': The Amazons did their best to stop him. They're good but they were out of their weight class. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hermes''': You must defeat Faust and restore Hades to the throne of Tartarus. :'''Wonder Woman''': So far as I'm concerned they deserve each other! Why should I care about this? :'''Hermes''': You mean, other than the direct-order-from-the-gods thing? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': ''[walking in on Wonder Woman taking her mace]'' We become pals while I wasn't looking? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Demons are attacking Shayera; one grabs her wing but suddenly backs away]'' :'''Shayera Hol''': ''[spreads her wings]'' That's right, I'm an angel! You can mess with me if you want to... ''[points upward]'' But I don't think you wanna mess with the boss! ''[Demons retreat]'' If we're lucky, they'll all be that dumb. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': Where's Faust? :'''[[w:Abnegazar|Abnegazar]]''': Let me think... oh, yeah! He's over there! No, wait! He's over there! No, there! :'''Shayera Hol''': One more answer, and it better be the right one. :'''Abnegazar''': Or what? You'll kill me? Gosh, I might end up suffering eternal torment as punishment for my sins! Oh, wait - I ALREADY AM! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Wonder Woman has used her lasso to compel a demon to reveal Felix Faust's location]'' :'''Shayera Hol''': How did you do that? :'''Wonder Woman''': Magic lasso. Who knew? :'''Shayera Hol''': If you don't want to tell me, fine. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Wonder Woman has a demon tied up with her lasso.]'' :'''Shayera Hol''': I've got one more question: is there anything else we should know? :'''Abnegazar''': Yeah. You really, really shouldn't go in there. Now, could you please take this rope off of me? I'm a demon! The truth hurts. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Faust is in Hades' library]'' :'''[[w:Felix Faust|Felix Faust]]''': Now I'm in heaven...! Figuratively speaking. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': We're revoking your library card. :'''Felix Faust''': Oh, you want to fight. Not in the mood. ''[Sends them away with a spell, then goes back to his book]'' Darn it, lost my place. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': You okay? :'''Shayera Hol''': Yeah. Didn't think I'd need a jacket where we were going. Aren't you cold in that outfit? :'''Wonder Woman''': Not really. :'''Shayera Hol''': Of course not. The princess doesn't get cold. The princess doesn't even sweat in the fire pits of Tartarus. :'''Wonder Woman''': I do too sweat. :'''Shayera Hol''': Please, you glow. I wouldn't be surprised if you never have to - :''[In the distance, Hades screams]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': Come on. We're putting you back on the throne. :'''Hades''': Or die trying? :'''Shayera Hol''': Not in the plan. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Wonder Woman attacks Faust with Shayera's mace.]'' :'''Wonder Woman''': I hit a lot harder than she does. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Wonder Woman helps Shayera to her feet.]'' :'''Shayera Hol''': You're all sweaty. :'''Wonder Woman''': Told you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hades''': ''[Surveying a burning library]'' Ah well, who has time to read these days? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': What about us? Are we good? :'''Shayera Hol''': Like oil and vinegar. We go together, but we don't mix. :'''Wonder Woman''': Works for me. ===''Double Date'' [2.6]=== :'''Huntress''': Steven Mandragora. Been a while. I've changed some since we met last. But you haven't changed. All these years you've been building your empire with thievery and murder. But it ends tonight. No. :'''Martian Manhunter''': Huntress! :'''Huntress''': John, I... :'''Martian Manhunter''': You were warned. You were told to stay away from Mandragora. You have violated my direct orders. You've crossed the line. :'''Huntress''': You've been watching me? :'''Martian Manhunter''': Given what occurred tonight, I'd say it was a wise precaution. :'''Huntress''': You know what Mandragora did. And I almost had him. He should have been there, but someone tipped him. You did it. :'''Martian Manhunter''': I had Mandragora moved, yes. For his own protection. And yours. :'''Huntress''': All right, J'onn, so I get some Justice League demerits. Fine. Just spare me the lecture. I can find him without your help. :'''Martian Manhunter''': You misunderstand. Tonight was a test, and you failed. Pack your things, Huntress. You're out. You'll need to turn in your identification card immediately. :'''Huntress''': Fine. I hope you choke on it. :'''Question''': Oh, Cadmus, Cadmus, wherefore art thou, Cadmus? I know there's a connection. Don't think I won't find it. :'''Huntress''': You're the League's data guy, the conspiracy buff, right? Wildcat says you're a nutjob. :'''Question''': Funny, he says the same thing about you. :'''Huntress''': He's right. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Huntress''': You must be the ugliest guy of all time, Question, hiding your face like that. :'''Question''': Go away. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Huntress''': Wow. I had no idea that the Girl Scouts were responsible for the crop circle phenomenon. :'''Question''': Few people do. Few even think to ask the question. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Huntress''': Do you know what "apophenia" is? :'''Question''': Apophenia, noun. The tendency to see connections where none exists. Did you come here just to make fun of my work? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Steven Mandragora''': Speaking of squealing, Black Canary, I notice you can't take your eyes off of me. One can hardly blame you. Perhaps after Agent Faraday helps absolve me of my alleged crimes, I could put you in a cage and have you sing for me. :'''Green Arrow''': Listen, you giant tub of...! :'''Agent Faraday''': Green Arrow, may I remind you that you're here strictly in a security capacity? :'''Steven Mandragora''': Yes, why don't you go and fetch me another four platters of oysters like a good little leprechaun? I'm sure your girlfriend and I will have much to discuss while you're gone. I like my oysters sweet, by the way. Sweet and juicy. :'''Black Canary''': Let him talk, Arrow. With all the enemies he's made, he never knows if he's eating his last meal. :''[Mandragora laughs heartily]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Huntress''': Oh, baby doll. And just for the record, I usually prefer my dates to have a face. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Black Canary''': Faraday's right, Arrow. Relax, nothing this guy can say is gonna affect me one way or the other. :'''Steven Mandragora''': Is that right? Well then, perhaps you won't mind explaining how a lovely young lady like you ends up with a nobody like him. Were all the real men in the Justice League already taken? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Green Arrow and Black Canary had been kicked out of Mandragora's house after she punched him]'' :'''Black Canary''': I hope you're proud of yourself. Now we have to do guard duty from outside. :'''Green Arrow''': Hope ''I'm'' proud of myself? ''You're'' the one that punched him! :'''Black Canary''': Yeah, but—OW! It was like punching a brick wall, there's no fat on that man. :''[Green Arrow tries to examine her hand, but she flinches and pulls away]'' :'''Green Arrow''': Will you let me look? ''[Examining Black Canary's hand]'' I think you'll live to punch suspects another day, pretty bird. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': Why are you doing this, Question? :'''Question''': You wouldn't believe me if I told you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': I strongly advise you to stay down. These impact arrows are non-lethal, but they hurt... a lot. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': Alright you two, stay here. Don't make me sic Black Canary on you - you've only seen her nice side so far. :''[Green Arrow leaves with Black Canary; Huntress punches Question's shoulder.]'' :'''Question''': Ow! What was that for? :'''[[w:Huntress (comics)|Huntress]]''': All that crazy mystery man mojo, and you couldn't even pick up a clue without being seen? :'''Question''': The key wasn't the clue. The key was mine. Now, this list of container ship arrivals I palmed when they were yelling at you: ''that's'' the clue. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Black Canary''': I don't get it. Why aren't we on our way to the train station? :'''Green Arrow''': Shh. ''[Huntress and Question run out of the house]'' Because I know when I'm being conned. :'''Black Canary''': You're cute when you're an insufferable smarty-pants. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Huntress''': You're even smarter than they say. :'''Question''': Smart enough to realize you don't know jack about Cadmus. :'''Huntress''': ...I needed your help. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Franco Bertinelli''': Get behind me, Helena. It'll be all right... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Question''': But you saw it all, Helena. Steven Mandragora killed your parents while you watched helplessly. Isn't that what happened? :'''Huntress''': ''[wipes away a tear]'' If you knew all that, then you probably know what I'm gonna do to Mandragora when I catch him. So why help me? :'''Question''': That... is the question. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Question''': Somebody's following us. :'''Huntress''': Lose them! :'''Question''': Like airline luggage. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': You're not supposed to drive when you're angry! :'''Black Canary''': They're heading towards the waterfront. Hang on! :'''Green Arrow''': It's so funny you think you have to tell me that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Black Canary''': ''[through the com-link]'' Stop the car, Question. Pull over! :'''Question''': Stop following us, Canary. :'''Huntress''': Is that her? Give me that! ''[plucks com-link from Question's ear]'' :'''Question''': Hey! :'''Huntress''': ''[speaks through the com-link]'' You want a piece of me, blondie? Bring it! ''[steps on the accelerator]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Question jumps his car over a ramp and onto the train tracks]'' :'''Green Arrow''': This is so unnecessary... :''[Canary jumps her bike to follow them]'' :'''Green Arrow''': Are we dead yet? :'''Black Canary''': No. :'''Green Arrow''': ARE WE DEAD YET? :'''Black Canary''': Look, if we die, I promise I'll let you know. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Question is driving through a railroad tunnel]'' :'''Huntress''': Train...! :'''Question''': I see it. :'''Huntress''': ''TRAIN!'' :'''Question''': I ''see'' it! <hr width="50%"/> :''[J'onn had just teleported Black Canary and Green Arrow out of the train's path and into the sea, leaving behind Canary's motorcycle]'' :'''Black Canary''': I can't believe you! ''[Hits Green Arrow]'' I rebuilt that bike by hand! :'''Green Arrow''': You're absolutely right. I'm sorry I saved our lives. :'''Black Canary''': Rrrrgh! ''[Swims away]'' :'''Green Arrow''': And J'onn thinks Huntress is the unstable one. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Steven Mandragora''': Get behind me, Edgar. It will be all right... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Huntress''': You knew all along that kid was gonna be on that freighter. :'''Question''': I do my homework. :'''Huntress''': Then why go to all the the trouble to help? Why risk your life for me? :'''Question''': ''[embarrassed]'' Because I... like you. :''[Huntress gives Question a long kiss, then pulls him away by his collar]'' :'''Question''': Where are we going? :'''Huntress''': Don't ask so many questions. :'''Black Canary''': ''[to Green Arrow]'' I'm sorry, but... ew. ===''Clash'' [2.7]=== :'''Batman''': J'onn! We're in trouble! :'''Martian Manhunter''': Are you asking for help? :'''Batman''': Yes! :'''Martian Manhunter''': You never ask for help. :'''Batman''': Just get us some reinforcements! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman and Superman are conversing while battling supervillains.]''. :'''Batman''': You were a little hard on the Boy Scout, don't you think? :'''Superman''': I thought ''I'' was the Boy Scout? :'''Batman''': I did too, 'til I met [[w:Captain Marvel (DC Comics)|Captain Marvel]]. ''[at this point, the villains all lie defeated around them]'' What did these guys want, anyway? :'''Superman''': To take over the world. Or rob banks, I forget. But back to Captain Marvel: why are you... why is ''everyone'' defending him? :'''Batman''': We like him. He's... sunny. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': When you joined this team, you became something more than just a hero. :'''Captain Marvel''': I know that, sir, but... :'''Superman''': You became a symbol. A symbol that represents all of us. :'''Captain Marvel''': Yes, sir. :'''Superman''': We don't play favorites, we don't sell deodorant on television, and we don't get involved in politics. :'''Captain Marvel''': Yes, sir. :'''Superman''': And we certainly don't endorse supervillains for the presidency! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': The lock was nano-picked. LexCorp technology. :'''Superman''': Then Luthor... :'''Batman''': Which anyone could have gotten their hands on. Or, for that matter, planted here to incriminate Luthor. :'''Superman''': You know it was him. :'''Batman''': I'm not entirely convinced: This is pretty sloppy for Lex. :'''Superman''': He's the most arrogant human being on the planet. He wants us to know. :'''Batman''': Maybe. :'''Superman''': Maybe? :'''Batman''': I'll go to the Watchtower, see if the Atom can find something I missed. :'''Superman''': Since when do you miss anything? :'''Batman''': Since when do you jump to conclusions without evidence? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': Look, Captain, I wanna... :'''Captain Marvel''': No more lectures. I called this meeting, and I'm gonna have my say. :'''Superman''': But... :'''Captain Marvel''': My whole life, I've looked up to the League. You were my heroes. Every one of you. And you... you were more than a hero. I idolized you. I wanted to be you. Whenever I was out there facing down the bad guys, I'd think, "What would Superman do?" Now I know. I believe in fair play. I believe in taking people at their word and giving them the benefit of the doubt. Back home, I've come up against my share of pretty nasty bad guys, but I never had to act the way they did to win a fight. I always found another way. I... I guess I'm saying I-I like being a hero, a symbol, and that's why I'm... quitting the Justice League. You don't act like heroes any more. ''[leaves]'' :'''Superman''': He's right. :'''Batman''': They set you up, Clark. :'''Superman''': Does it really make a difference? After all, I- ''They''? :'''Batman''': They. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex Luthor''': The plan worked better than I had hoped. All I wanted was for Superman to destroy the energy source. But battling Captain Marvel? Demolishing Lexor City while those media morons filmed every horrific moment? It was more than I ever could have hoped for! Everything's going according to plan... and we're just getting started. ''[raises his glass for a toast with Amanda Waller]'' ===''Hunter's Moon'' [2.8]=== :'''Green Lantern''': ''[after J'onn assigns Vixen and Shayera to a mission]'' Why did you do that? :'''Martian Manhunter''': Vixen hasn't spent much time in space. Good experience for her. :'''Green Lantern''': You know what I mean. Sending my girlfriend and my ex on the same mission? :'''Martian Manhunter''': Difficult as it may be for you to believe, I don't take your love life into consideration when I make command decisions. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': Can you even see what you're shooting at? :'''[[w:Vigilante (comics)|Vigilante]]''': Nope - just keepin' 'em honest. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Vixen''': Men have fragile egos. To get what you want, you must know how to talk to them. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Parah Dul''': ''[to Shayera]'' Did you really think you could get away with betraying the entire Thanagarian empire? :'''Vigilante''': Hold up. I thought we were the ones she betrayed. :'''[[w:Vixen (comics)|Vixen]]''': Sounds like she betrayed everybody, cowboy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Paran Dul''': All we want is Shayera Hol. If you hand her over, the rest of you can go free. If you choose to fight with her, you'll most assuredly die with her. :'''Vigilante''': Let me think on that! ''[fires his gun at her]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': Maybe I should let them take me. :'''Vigilante''': Like horse hockey...! Pardon my French. :'''Vixen''': We're Justice League. We don't turn our backs on our teammates. :'''Vigilante''': ''[to Shayera]'' Still having a little trouble with that notion, huh? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Vigilante''': Hey, Vix, ain't this supposed to be your territory? Use some of your animal tricks to give us a leg up. :'''Vixen''': What makes you think I know anything about the jungle? I live in a loft in [[w:Chelsea, Manhattan|Chelsea]]. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': I'm not going to argue with you. I'm in charge, you have to- :'''Vigilante''': What, trust you? Seems to me that's been tried. :'''Vixen''': Vig, we can't do this now - she's mission leader. :'''Vigilante''': She's a Thanagarian! I don't know what you did during the invasion- :'''Vixen''': I fought them. :'''Vigilante''': So did I, for all the good it done me! Filthy hawks caught me, locked me up in a tiny cell, humiliated me - your people, ''Hawkgirl''. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kragger''': I'm supposed to believe you would give me your teammate? I'm brain-damaged, not stupid. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Vigilante is flying a Thanagarian ship]'' :'''Vigilante:''' Darn-son-ding-busted-horse-thievin'-alien-control-panel-which-can't-nobody-work-proper! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Paran Dul and Vixen are fighting in the back of the ship]'' :'''Vigilante''': Ya folks mind?! Student driver up here! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Vixen tosses Paran Dul off the ship]'' :'''Vigilante''': You okay? :'''Vixen''': I will be if you let me drive. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Lantern''': ''[as Vixen and Shayera approach him, he holds out his arms]'' I was worried about you! ''[both girls stalk past him]'' :'''Vixen''': ''[to Shayera]'' When do you want to do this? :'''Shayera Hol''': No time like the present. :'''Green Lantern''': Mari? Shayera? Oh, man. This is gonna be ugly. :''[cut to the girls sitting at a table, laughing]'' :''' Shayera Hol''': Not to mention his taste in movies! :'''Vixen''': I know! OLD YELLER? What's that about? ''[they both laugh harder]'' :'''Vixen''': And he's such a MARINE! You should see his underwear drawer. He folds his socks! ''[both laugh again]'' :'''Shayera Hol''': I have seen his underwear drawer. ''[both stop laughing]'' :'''Vixen''': He still has feelings for you, you know. :'''Shayera Hol''': I know. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Vixen''': Funny thing about me. Whenever I start a book or a movie, no matter how bad it is, I just can't stop until I get to the end. So even though John and I have only been together for a little while... well, I just like to see things through. :'''Shayera Hol''': En garde! ''[they smile and raise their glasses for a toast]'' ===''Question Authority'' [2.9]=== :'''Huntress''': ''[beating up Cadmus security guards]'' You really know how to show a girl a good time, Q. When are we going out on a real date? :'''Question''': Shh! I'm trying to concentrate. :'''Huntress''': I'm not even in the Justice League anymore, you're lucky to have me along. :'''Question''': Hardly. You're drawn to my eccentric charm. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Huntress''': You get what you came for? :'''Question''': I believe so. :'''Huntress''': ''[suggestively]'' Which leaves the rest of our evening tantalizingly free... :'''Question''': There are three terabytes of data here, I'll be busy for days- :''[An annoyed Huntress snatches the hard drive and glares at him.]'' :'''Question''': Um... dinner and a movie? :'''Huntress''': It's a start. ''[tucks the drive in her belt]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Question''': It's all connected. Not alternate reality. Time loop. Luthor becomes president, Flash is killed, Superman kills Luthor in retaliation, superhumans arms race, Armageddon, end of the world, inevitable. Is the future immutable? Can destiny be changed? Will they allow it? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': Something I can help you with? :'''Question''': I hope so. But I assume you don't want to discuss your White House weenie-roast in front of a crowd... :'''Superman''': ''[to others]'' I'll be back in a few minutes. ''[he leads Question to the empty conference room]'' :'''Question''': Always wondered what was in here. Private conference room. Original members only, yes? A place where you're free to discuss your secrets and lies... :'''Superman''': You said something about me in the White House. :'''Question''': Not you exactly. Another version of you, hmm? :'''Superman''': Stop dancing around it. Tell me what you know. :'''Question''': I know what you ''told'' everyone. The Justice Lords, a parallel universe version of the Justice League, came to our world to rid it of crime, just as they did on their own world. With Lex Luthor's help, our Justice League managed to rout them before they could impose their totalitarian will on our populace. I also know what you ''didn't'' tell ''anyone'', outside of the original seven members of the Justice League. On that other Earth, so very much like our own, a Superman, so very much like you, ''killed the President.'' :'''Superman''': ''[tenses up, accidentally damaging a chair he was leaning on]'' Question, no one can know about this. :'''Question''': Or what? You'll incinerate me too? :'''Superman''': I'd never do anything like that. :'''Question''': Wouldn't you? Didn't you recently try to lobotomize Doomsday with your heat vision, just as the Justice Lord did? :'''Superman''': That's different! :'''Question''': ''It's the same.'' A heavily-armed Watchtower with an army of proactive heroes, Luthor running for President - if it's not ''quite'' the same, it soon will be! Have you seen Amanda Waller's computer simulations? :'''Superman''': Batman told me about them. :'''Question''': Did he tell you all the models predict that a war between the Justice League and the government will devastate the planet?! :'''Superman''': We would never fight the government! :'''Question''': Not even if Luthor was the government?! ''[beginning to ramble in fear]'' Predestined... Flash will die, you will kill Luthor, Armageddon... inevitable... :'''Superman''': Question, I'm... ''[puts a hand on his shoulder; the Question recoils with a gasp]'' I'm worried about you. You're mixed up. This world isn't like the other one. We're not the Justice Lords. Those things you're afraid of will never happen here. I won't let them. :''[Question is silent for a moment, then walks out]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Question''': Have you seen the latest polls? It's beginning to look like you're going to be our next President. Just like in that other world. :'''Lex Luthor''': ''[casually]'' I wouldn't bet against me. :'''Question''': No, it wouldn't be prudent. I want you to understand something, Luthor. Although my distaste for you as a human being is ''[[w:Brobdingnag|brobdingnagian]]'', what I'm about to do isn't personal. :'''Lex Luthor''': What are you babbling about? :'''Question''': Everything that exists has a specific nature. Each entity exists as something in particular and has characteristics that are part of what it is. [[w:Law of Identity|A is A]], and no matter what reality he calls home, Luthor is Luthor. If I'm to save the world, your existence must come to an end before you take office. ''[removes his tie]'' :'''Luthor''': ''[unafraid]'' You're going to kill me so that Superman can't. :'''Question''': I'm a well-known crackpot. The Justice League's reputation will survive my actions, and Superman's legacy will remain intact. ''[holds up his tie, preparing to choke Luthor]'' :'''Luthor''': Interesting plan. Unfortunately for you, it's not really an option. :''[Question attempts to attack Luthor, but he uppercuts him straight to the waterwall with tremendous force and uses his newfound super-strength to beat him up]'' :'''Luthor''': President? Foolish faceless man. My campaign is a farce - a small part of a much grander scheme. President? Do you know how much power I'd have to ''give up'' to be President? That's right, conspiracy buff. I spent $75 million on a fake presidential campaign. All just to tick Superman off. ''[Luthor then slams Question, breaking his desk at the same time, and peers closer to him]'' Now. About those files you stole from me... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': A lot of things are starting to make sense now, Professor Hamilton. When did Cadmus recruit you? :'''[[w:Professor Hamilton|Professor Emil Hamilton]]''': Recruit me? I went to them. :'''Superman''': How can you work for these people? Do you know what they are? :'''Professor Emil Hamilton''': Power brokers, politicians, criminals, and black ops mercenaries with one thing in common besides: they're humanity's last hope against your kind. :'''Superman''': What are you talking about? Humanity doesn't need protection from us. :'''Professor Emil Hamilton''': I used to believe that. I thought you were a guardian angel, come to answer our prayers. But [[w:Lucifer|Lucifer]] was an angel too, wasn't he? :'''Superman''': Professor- :'''Professor Emil Hamilton''': You forget: I've been on the receiving end of your wrath, when you brought Supergirl to S.T.A.R. Labs for medical treatment. I know what you're capable of. :'''Superman''': ''That's'' what this is about? One little scare and you betray us?! ''You'' stole Kara's DNA! Violated her trust! ''My'' trust! :'''Professor Emil Hamilton''': The chicken, or the egg, Superman? <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Doctor Moon|Dr. Moon]]''': This doesn't have to continue. I can stop you from seeing the visions at any time. You stole files from our computer. Just tell me what you've learned. :'''Question''': ''[babbling about various conspiracy theories]'' Topically-applied fluoride doesn't prevent tooth decay. It ''does'' render teeth detectable by spy satellite! :'''Dr. Moon''': Tell me what you know. :'''Question''': The plastic tips at the ends of shoelaces are called [[w:aglet|aglets]]. Their true purpose is ''sinister!'' :'''Dr. Moon''': ''[getting annoyed]'' Tell me what you know. :'''Question''': There ''was'' a [[w:single bullet theory|magic bullet]]! It was forged by [[w:Illuminati|Illuminati]] mystics to prevent us from learning the truth! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Superman and Huntress smashes into Dr. Moon's lab; Dr. Moon pulls a gun]'' :'''Superman''': Don't be stupid - drop it. :''[Dr. Moon drops the gun]'' :'''Huntress''': Sorry - not good enough. ''[knocks Dr. Moon to the floor and pulls her crossbow on him]'' :'''Superman''': Huntress! :'''Huntress''': ''[backs off]'' Yeah. Okay. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Huntress''': Lean on me. We're getting out of here. :'''Question''': ''[weak, babbling]'' Secret messages... encoded in amino acid chains in carb-free breakfast bars... :'''Huntress''': Come on, baby doll. It's all right. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': Good to see you, Captain. Cover our flank. :'''Captain Atom''': I'm afraid you misunderstand. I'm speaking as an officer of the United States Air Force. :'''Huntress''': Bad time to grow a sense of humor, Cap. :'''Captain Atom''': No joke, ma'am. I'm currently assigned to General Eiling's special projects unit. My orders are to prevent you from taking Question out of this facility. So how's this gonna go down? ===''Flashpoint'' [2.10]=== :''[Captain Atom is trying to stop Superman and Huntress from rescuing Question]'' :'''Superman''': This is ridiculous. If you're not gonna help us, get out of our way! :'''Captain Atom''': Not an option, Superman. I've got my orders, legal and proper. :'''Huntress''': Dude, ''Superman'' just told you to step aside. :'''Captain Atom''': I heard him, ma'am. Not gonna happen. ''[Superman makes to move past him, but he forms red energy with his fists and punches Superman across the room with ease]'' I control radiation, Superman. That includes ''red sun'' radiation. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Huntress and Question are trying to escape, she tries opening a door]'' :'''Huntress''': Locked. Sure, why not? <hr width="50%"/> :''[A Cadmus medic is about to see to Captain Atom, Superman intervenes]'' :'''Superman''': Don't you ''touch'' him! He's Justice League. ''[Carries Captain Atom out]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Huntress removes the Question's mask, revealing his true - though battered and bruised - face]'' :'''Question''': You were right. I am the ugliest guy of all time. :'''Huntress''': Not in my eyes. ''[kisses him]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': What happened, Question? How did Cadmus get ahold of you? :'''Question''': I went to kill Luthor so that you wouldn't be able to. :'''Superman''': That's not how we do things. :'''Question''': How ''do'' we do things, Superman? Your counterpart killed Luthor, ''this'' Luthor is scheming to enrage you- :'''Superman''': Doing a pretty good job of it. :'''Question''': Ruining your reputation, turning your friends and comrades against you, creating a superpowered arms race - but you ''cannot succumb.'' :'''Superman''': I can shut down Cadmus ''without'' killing Luthor. :'''Question''': Carry on, then. If you're wrong, it's not like it's the end of the world... right? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Discussing Cadmus]'' :'''Superman''': Give me one good reason not to go down there and take them out. :'''Martian Manhunter''': If you didn't know the answer, you wouldn't have bothered to ask. :'''Superman''': Don't handle me, J'onn! I'm serious! :'''Martian Manhunter''': We don't have hard evidence that they've committed any crimes. :'''Superman''': Oh, come on! You know they're dirty! :'''Green Arrow''': Then maybe we should put more energy into proving it, and less into acting like a bunch of hyperthyroid stormtroopers. :'''Superman''': I don't remember asking you for your opinion! :'''Green Arrow''': No? How about when you guys hijacked me up here against my will and made me join this team? Batman said I was supposed to keep you guys honest. :'''Superman''': ''Do I look like Batman to you?'' :'''Flash''': Actually, you kind of do. Especially when you're all scowly like that. :'''Superman''': We can't let Cadmus get away with it! :'''Martian Manhunter''': No one's saying we should, but we have to keep a cool head. :'''Supergirl''': Do you know what they did to me?! :'''Green Arrow''': Look, kid. Hamilton's a piece of garbage, and Luthor is worse, but this isn't the way to stop them. :'''Martian Manhunter''': We must also consider the possibility that Cadmus is right to be afraid of us... :'''Supergirl''': ''[outraged]'' ''WHAT?!'' :'''Martian Manhunter''': ...''and'' there is strong evidence of Cadmus having legitimate connections to the government. :'''Superman''': Maybe, to some rogue black ops group! The real government wouldn't get involved in anything like this! :'''Green Arrow''': Hey, I'm the only guy in the room who doesn't have superpowers, and let me tell you: you guys ''scare'' me. What if you ''do'' decide to go marching down there, taking care of whoever you think is guilty? Who could stop you? ''Me?'' :'''Supergirl''': So you ''want'' the government to have a bunch of superhuman weapons just to keep ''us'' in check?! :'''Green Arrow''': No!... I don't know... Yeah! ''[regaining composure]'' Look, I'm an old [[w:left-wing politics|lefty]]. The government must do for people what people can't do for themselves. The people sure can't protect themselves from the likes of us. :'''Superman:''' We're not talking about the government. We're talking about a shadow cabinet that's taken it upon themselves to eliminate us! They came after us, we have to hit them back ''hard''. :'''Flash''': Grammy Flash always used to say the trouble with "an eye for an eye"... is that everybody ends up blind. ===''Panic in the Sky'' [2.11]=== :'''[[w: Professor Hamilton|Professor Emil Hamilton]]''': Hold still, Galatea! You're invulnerable. This can't possibly be hurting you. :'''[[w: Galatea (Justice League Unlimited)|Galatea]]''': Boredom is my [[w: Kryptonite|kryptonite]]... Okay, ''kryptonite'' is my kryptonite, but you know what I mean. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Galatea is about to depart on her mission and stops at the door.]'' :'''Professor Emil Hamilton''': What? :'''Galatea''': Nothing. ''[Galatea goes back to Hamilton and hugs him]'' Goodbye, Daddy. :''[Hamilton stands in silent shock as Galatea leaves]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': What have we done? :'''Martian Manhunter''': We haven't done anything. An outside force took control of the binary fusion generator. Whoever's behind that is responsible for the destruction of Cadmus. Not us. :'''Superman''': Tell that to all those people in New Mexico. They're terrified of us. So's the government. :'''Green Lantern''': We can't let that stop us from doing our job. We aren't here to be liked. We're here to make the world a safer place. :'''Superman''': How're we doing so far today? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You want me to ''what''?! :'''Wonder Woman''': Turn yourself over into U.S. custody, along with the rest of us. :'''Flash''': Yeah, that makes sense, okay. :'''Superman''': Meet us at the coordinates I’m sending first. We should all go over together. :'''Batman''': This is the ''single'' dumbest plan I’ve ever heard. If you’re feeling guilty, clear your own name. Don’t stand on the sidelines waiting for somebody else to do it. :'''Wonder Woman''': We’ve already voted. Five in favor. :'''Flash''': Six. :'''Wonder Woman''': You have to come with us, Bruce. :'''Batman''': I don’t ''have'' to do anything. I’m a part-timer, remember? ''[Hangs up]'' :'''Wonder Woman''': Actually, he took it a lot better than I’d expected. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': As promised, we're surrendering ourselves to your authority. :'''Officer''': ''[to the founding members of the League]'' Where's Batman? :'''Flash''': Running late. [[w: Jingle_Bells#Parodies_and_homages|The Batmobile, it lost a wheel. The Joker got away.]] ''[a soldier glares at him]'' That's what I heard. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Supergirl''': I'm worried about them, Steel. I'm worried about my cousin. :'''Steel''': Don't be. Everybody in the League is good at their job, but those seven? They're the best ''ever''. Not because they're the most powerful - they aren't. Not all of them. And it's not just because they were the first. It's because they're special. They've proven it time and again. They make the hard choices, they set the example. They do what's right, not what's easiest. And they always come out on top. They're gonna be okay, Kara. We all are. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Someone took over our fusion cannon by remote control. There are maybe three people on Earth smart enough to pull that off. Two of them were already on the Watchtower. And that leaves... :'''Amanda Waller''': Luthor. That's where you're trying to lead me, right? :'''Batman''': You're too smart to trust him. :'''Amanda Waller''': Who says I do? He provides off-the-books funding for Cadmus. As far as I'm concerned, that's all he's good for. :'''Batman''': Then you must know he's got his own agenda. :'''Amanda Waller''': He wants to be President. That's agenda enough for anybody. :'''Batman''': Almost anybody. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Supergirl''': You know what? No matter how bad you beat me, I'm real, not a clone. :'''Galatea''': Shut up. :'''Supergirl''': Deep down, you know the truth. You're not a ''person''. You're just a ''weapon'', grown out of one of Hamilton's petri dishes. :'''Galatea''': SHUT UP! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amanda Waller''': ''[About Luthor]'' He played me. I knew he was a snake and I ''still'' let him bite me. <hr width="50%"/> :''[As Luthor finishes his intended android body]'' :'''Lex Luthor''': Now you're perfect! A perfect, super-powerful, immortal body. A suitable place for me to spend the rest of eternity. Ironic - years of plotting, hundreds of millions spent on Cadmus R&D projects, and none of it bore fruit. No, it's a lowly employee of LexCorp, Doctor Ivo, creator of Amazo, who we have to thank for my impending godhood. :'''Batman''': That was the last piece I needed. :''[Luthor turns to see Batman behind him]'' :'''Lex Luthor''': Got it all figured out, have you? :'''Batman''': When you and Atom worked together to stop the first Amazo, he showed you the blueprints. And I suspect you have a photographic memory. :'''Lex Luthor''': I'm too modest to boast. :'''Batman''': The real purpose of Cadmus was to give ''you'' superpowers. :'''Lex Luthor''': And to ruin Superman's reputation. Imagine how sweet it will be when ''I'' save the world from the menace of the Justice League! Now when I kill Superman, they'll build statues in my honor! :'''Batman''': Maybe next time. :''[He throws a Batarang at the Amazo body, but to his shock, Luthor catches it and it explodes in his hand without harming him]'' :'''Lex Luthor''': That... was uncalled for. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amanda Waller''': Hey, Lex! That android is Cadmus property. You're going to have to find somewhere else to keep your brain! ''[destroys the Amazo body]'' A nano-disassembler beam. Your design, I believe. :'''Lex Luthor''': Arrogant ''COW!'' It'll take weeks to build myself another android body! :'''Amanda Waller''': You ain't got weeks, baldy. You're under arrest for trying to use the Justice League's space-gun to murder everyone at Cadmus. :''[Luthor charges at Waller, smacking the weapon aside and throwing her to the floor]'' :'''Lex Luthor''': Did you really think you could take me down all by yourself? :'''Amanda Waller''': Actually, yeah. But on the off chance I might've been wrong... :''[The founding Leaguers have entered through the window]'' :'''Flash''': TADA! :'''Superman''': It's over, Lex. :'''Lex Luthor''': Not until I- :''[Lex suddenly screams in agony; metal tendrils and components burst out of him, and a familiar Kryptonian symbol - along with a skull-like face - appears]'' :'''[[w:Brainiac (comics)|Brainiac]]''': I hoped to remain hidden, until I could install myself into the android. But you forced my hand. :'''Superman''': Brainiac! ===''Divided We Fall'' [2.12]=== :''[After Brainiac reveals himself from within Lex Luthor]'' :'''Flash''': Ta-da. :'''Superman''': It's over, Lex. :'''Lex Luthor''': Not until I-- I'd hoped to remain hidden-- :'''Barinthor''': Until I could install myself into the android. :'''Brainiac''': But you forced my hand. :'''Superman''': Brainiac. :'''Flash''': Dude. That is messed up! :'''Lex Luthor''': I don't understand what's happening! :'''Brainiac''': You are under my control. I have lain dormant within you for years, Lex Luthor, subtly influencing your actions until we arrived at this point. Do you not recall my kidnapping you in this very building? :''[A flashback to the [[Superman: The Animated Series|Superman: TAS]] episode "Ghost in the Machine" is shown]'' :'''Lex Luthor''': Yes... You forced me to build you a new body. :'''Brainiac''': Kal-El destroyed that body, foiling my plans. In any event, I always have a backup plan. Consider: how could you have survived that point-blank blast from me, unless- :'''Lex Luthor''': Unless... it wasn't intended to kill me? :'''Brainiac''': The beam carried a nanotech payload that inserted a microscopic, holistic copy of my program inside your body. Since then, I have steadily grown in strength, protecting this body until I could arrange my transfer into a more suitable one. :'''Lex Luthor''': You cured my cancer; gave me super-strength! :'''Brainiac''': Your animal-protein shell was insufficient for my needs. Improvements were required. :'''Flash''': Hate to interrupt this special live performance of ''[[w:The Thing with Two Heads|The Thing With Two Heads]]'', but it's time to go to jail now. :'''Amanda Waller''': What he said. ''[shoots Brainiac/Luthor several times]'' We'll take it back to Cadmus and see if the tech boys can't pull Luthor out of what's left of that hunk of- ''[Brainiac/Luthor suddenly stands, instantly repairing]'' I'll be dipped! :'''Brainiac''': Be gone. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Brainiac''': You are defeated. Any unique information that dwells within you will be digitized. Your physical forms will be deleted. Such is the ultimate fate of this world, but for you, the end comes ''now''. :''[Brainiac launches tentacles at the Leaguers' bodies; they scream as they are hit one by one]'' :'''Flash''': I am so willing to wait my turn... ''[a tentacle hits him last]'' :'''Martian Manhunter''': No! ''[phases himself free and rips the tentacles out of Brainiac]'' :'''Brainiac''': No! I was not yet prepared for this battle. ''[uses the LexCorp tower to form a massive Skullship]'' Now I am prepared. :'''Shayera''': Hi-ya! :'''Batman''': That was too easy. :'''Shayera''': Easy? Then I guess I must have gone to the wrong fight. :'''Superman''': No, he's right. Brainiac isn't here. He suckered us. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex Luthor''': Where are we? :'''Brainiac''': Several miles from where the Justice League is searching. I must make repairs to my damaged systems. :'''Lex Luthor''': And where do I fit into all of this? :'''Brainiac''': The same as to everything else. I will record your information, then destroy the original. :'''Lex Luthor''': ''[Laughs]'' :'''Brainiac''': You are amused by my mission? Explain yourself. :'''Lex Luthor''': Say you succeed. You absorb all the information on Earth and then destroy it. Then what? :'''Brainiac''': I repeat the process across the entire universe, until I have recorded all knowledge and destroyed all of creation. :'''Lex Luthor''': And then? :'''Brainiac''': Then my program is complete. My function is fulfilled. :'''Lex Luthor''': If you possess all information, you're a god. :'''Brainiac''': My program will be complete. It is the end of all things. :'''Lex Luthor''': What if it were just the beginning? I can show you a purpose beyond the fulfillment of your programming. :'''Brainiac''': It is extremely unlikely that your inferior human intellect has anything to offer me. :'''Lex Luthor''': Since we've become so close, I'm gonna let that pass. I'm offering you the one thing you've always lacked. A certain something that I happen to have in abundance. :'''Brainiac''': Which is? :'''Lex Luthor''': [[Imagination]]. I've got a proposition for ya, partner. :'''Flash''': No sign of Brainiac. :'''Green Lantern''': My ring can't trace him either. :'''Shayera''': Okay, he's weakened and damaged. He'll need to repair himself. :'''Wonder Woman''': He may just dump Luthor and find himself a new body. :'''Superman''': No. He'll head right for the highest technology available. :'''Martian Manhunter''': Higher than LexCorp? Then he'll go to S.T.A.R. Lab. :'''Amanda Waller''': He'll go to Cadmus. :'''Shayera''': Sure, he's all nanotech now, right? What's the most advanced nanotech on the planet? :'''Batman''': The Dark Heart. We destroyed it, but your people confiscated the remains. :'''Amanda Waller''': We've never been able to get any of it to work again. :'''Batman''': Are you willing to bet Brainiac can't? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Brainiac absorbs a Dark Heart drone]'' :'''Lex Luthor''': Brainiac? :'''Brainiac''': I have added this technology to my database. The nano-assemblers are already slaved to my command routines. With but a thought, they will convert any raw material into whatever I choose. :'''Lex Luthor''': Then we're ready to begin. Let me show you- :'''Brainiac''': I have learned from my encounter with [[w:Darkseid|Darkseid]] that organic beings cannot be trusted. :'''Lex Luthor''': Can't argue with that. But if you and I are one - ''truly'' one - trust won't be an issue, will it? :'''Brainiac''': Agreed. :''[Brainiac takes control of more drones. Their matter spreads over him and Luthor, and they are merged into one being - Brainthor]'' :'''Brainthor''': We are one. And we comprehend! We will build a machine that will allow us to absorb the information of the entire Earth in a single stroke. And then, the galaxy... the entire universe! We'll remake the universe! :'''Martian Manhunter''': Watchtower, send rapid response teams to the transmitter coordinates. We need backup. :'''Steel''': That's gonna be a problem, J'onn. The Ultimen wrecked every Javelin in the landing bay, and the teleporters-- :'''Martian Manhunter''': Are still down. They hardly seem worth the trouble sometimes. All Justice Leaguers, report to the transmitted coordinates immediately. This is an omega-level alarm. All available members and associates respond immediately. :'''Green Arrow''': We're scrambling now. But at top speed, we're over an hour away. :'''Martian Manhunter''': I doubt any of the others can get here any faster. :'''Batman''': Then the seven of us will have to be enough. :'''Superman''': My x-ray vision can't penetrate the walls, but I'm seeing a rapidly growing heat signature in the infrared range. :'''Wonder Woman''': You don't need super-vision for that. Can't you feel the heat? :'''Brainthor''': Welcome, Justice League. You're just in time for the end of the world. :'''Superman''': I know you're in there somewhere, Lex. Fight him! :'''Brainthor''': You're right. I am in here... and I like it! I'm about to get everything I ever wanted: power, ultimate knowledge, immortality! :'''Superman''': And you'll destroy the Earth to get it?! :'''Brainthor''': It's business, Superman. There are always trade-offs. :'''Shayera''': ''[charging forward]'' Less talking, more hitting! ''[The League rushes in]'' :'''Brainthor''': ''[Brainiac's voice]'' You cannot be allowed to interfere at this delicate stage. ''[Blasts Shayera, creates seven Brainiac Constructs]'' ''[Lex's voice]'' No, no, no. We can do better than that. ''[The Brainiac Constructs transform into the Justice Lords and Lord Flash]'' :'''Android Lord Superman''': ''[Attacking Superman]'' We've lost their trust! The people are afraid of us! Power corrupts, after all, and who has more power than Superman? :'''Android Lord Hawkgirl''': ''[attacking Shayera]'' Do you think there's a single person on Thanagar or Earth that doesn't despise us?! :'''Android Lord Green Lantern''': ''[firing at Green Lantern]'' We loved the traitor! Loved and lost her - Forever! :'''Android Lord Flash''': ''[attacking Flash]'' Slacker! Child! Clown! We have no place here among the world's greatest heroes! :'''Flash''': Says you! I've got a seat at the big conference table. I'm gonna paint my logo on it! Never doin' that again. ''[Destroys Brainiac-Lord Flash]'' :'''Superman''': ''[Beating up Brainiac-Lord Superman]'' I'm not like you! I'm nothing like you! :''[Android Lord Superman turns into Lex Luthor]'' :'''Android Lex Luthor''': This is the part where you kill me, right? ''[Superman hesitates]'' Come on, use your heat vision. You know you want to. :'''Wonder Woman''': What do you say we switch dance partners? :'''Shayera''': ''[after Green Lantern destroys Brainiac-Lord Hawkgirl]'' You enjoyed that a little too much. :'''Green Lantern''': Just letting off some steam. She broke my heart, you know. :'''Shayera Hol''': ''[Knocks off the head of Brainiac-Lord Green Lantern]'' Likewise, I'm sure. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash''': ''[After destroying Brainthor's machine, weakly]'' You lose. :''[Brainthor forms two army officers who restrain Flash]'' :'''Brainthor''': Hardly. Look around you — the Justice League is completely defeated, and so are you. For all your efforts, you have but inconvenienced me, speck. ''[forms a rifle]'' But I'm still just human enough to enjoy taking my revenge. Looks like The Question was right all along. I kill you, and then, Armageddon. Right on schedule. :'''Flash''': No! ''[Breaks free and stands up]'' :'''Brainthor''': Are you going to fight me, boy? :''[Flash pauses, then goes running off in the opposite direction. Brainthor begins rebuilding his tower, when Flash comes in from the other side of the planet and punches him at full speed; Flash keeps accelerating, and hits Brainthor again. And again, and again, and again, again, again... Eventually, Flash stops and starts '''rapidly''' punching Brainthor. Thereby, extracting Brainiac from Luthor molecule by molecule. Massive explosion ensues. Debris clears revealing... Lex Luthor, sans Braniac, laying panting on the ground, the rest of the core seven awaken]'' :'''Flash''': ''[Electricity rippling through his body, stumbles forward]'' I feel kind of... funny. ''[Fades away]'' :'''Wonder Woman''': Flash! :''[Superman runs towards the non-existent Flash. The remaining six appear horrified]'' :'''Luthor''': ''[smugly]'' What do you know? I did kill him. ''[Looks up to see a furious Superman glaring at him.]'' I was mistaken earlier. I think ''this'' is the part where you kill me. :''[Superman places Luthor in a choke hold and prepares to incinerate him. Wonder Woman initially attempts to intervene, but Batman stops her]'' :'''Superman''': ''[Eyes return to normal]'' I'm not the man who killed President Luthor. Right now, I wish to heaven that I were, but I'm not. :'''Martian Manhunter''': Superman, everyone, Flash is still alive. I'm in telepathic contact with him. His spirit is weak, and it's growing weaker. But he's still here. :'''Shayera Hol''': ''[Walks in the direction J'onzz is moving. Her right arm slips into a portal]'' FLASH! :'''Flash''': ''[From within the portal]'' Shayera? It's so beautiful here. There's this force - a Speed Force. It's calling me home. I have to go now. :'''Shayera Hol''': No, Wally! Take my hand! ''[Struggles to get a hold of him]'' :'''Green Lantern''': ''[Grabs Hawkgirl]'' I'm here, too, Wally! :'''Superman''': We're all here! ''[The rest of the League form a line, struggling to pull Flash out]'' :'''Green Lantern''': You gotta come back to us! ''[Hawkgirl grunts, and pulls Flash out of the Speed Force]'' :'''Flash''': I can never go that fast again. If I do... I don't think I'm coming back. ''[Shayera nestles him. Green Lantern, behind her, smiles, relieved. The rest smile]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': This is the hardest thing I've ever had to say... I'm guilty. We're guilty. Of the sin of hubris. We had the best of intentions, to be Earth's guardians, to keep you safe, but we failed you. We looked down on the world from our tower in the sky, and let our power and responsibility separate us from the very people we were supposed to protect. No one should ever be afraid of us. For that reason, we're decommissioning the Watchtower. The energy weapon up there is already gone; we're taking down the station as well. :''[The crowd looks astonished and whispers amongst themselves]'' :'''Superman''': There's more. We want to thank the members of the Justice League for your courageous service, but in the future, you'll all have to act as independent agents. We're not going to be an army anymore. As of right now, we're disbanding the Justice League. This is the end. :''[The founding members begin to walk off the stage, but are stopped when Green Arrow speaks]'' :'''Green Arrow''': Says who? You remember what we did yesterday? We saved the world, again. You don't think that has any value? Well, think again, pal! The Justice League goes on, with or without you. Look, nobody can question your service or commitment to making things better. If you're quitting because you think you've already done your fair share, fine. We'll throw you a parade. But if you're quitting because it's easier than continuing the fight, then you're not the heroes we all thought you were. The world needs the Justice League, and the Justice League needs you, Superman! :''[The crowd cheers and claps, along with Superman's fellow Leaguers. Green Arrow shrugs, and Batman gives Superman a subtle smile. Superman smiles back, and returns to the microphone]'' :'''Superman''': All right! Okay! But there are going to have to be some changes. Maybe we can open an embassy on Earth, so we can be closer to the people. We can have a rotating staff... :'''Batman''': ''[to Wonder Woman, as Superman continues]'' You guys can handle this. I've got work back in Gotham. You've got my number. :'''Wonder Woman''': I think so. :'''Batman''': ''[to Green Arrow]'' [[Juvenal|Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?]] :'''Green Arrow''': "[[Watchmen|Who guards the guardians?]]" We got it covered. ''[rides off with Black Canary]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Daily Planet office; night - Lois is working]'' :'''Clark Kent''': Working late? :'''Lois Lane''': Hey, Smallville. Finishing up my Justice League story. How many "L"s in "ambivalent"? :'''Clark Kent''': One - is that your take on all this, Lois? :'''Lois Lane''': I've been as tough on the Justice League as anyone - especially on Superman. But that's just because he's always set such a high standard. I'm gonna cut him a break - he's only human... you know what I mean. :'''Clark Kent''': ''[smiles]'' Yeah - I do. ===''Epilogue'' [2.13]=== :'''Terry McGinnis''': I've got some questions I need you to answer. :'''Amanda Waller''': Of course you do, boy. Why else go to all the trouble of breaking into the lair of the great and powerful Amanda Waller? You want some green tea? I do. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Terry McGinnis''': How could you do it to me, Bruce?! :'''Bruce Wayne''': The only thing that matters is the mission. You know that. :'''Terry McGinnis''': What about ''people,'' Bruce? [[w:Dick Grayson|Dick]], [[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara]], [[w:Tim Drake|Tim]], [[w:Catwoman|Selina]] - they all loved you, but eventually every single one of them left you! Ever wonder why? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Not for an instant. They quit because when it came down to it, they didn't have the heart for the mission. Are you about to quit too? It doesn't really surprise me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Terry McGinnis''': My dad wasn't a superhero. He didn't save the world from the near-apocalypse of '09, he never went toe-to-toe with Mr. Freeze, but he was a good man just the same. Even after he and Mom got divorced, he always tried to do the right thing. My brother and I were always provided for; when Mom couldn't quite make the bills, he always helped out. He tried to teach me right from wrong - would have too, if I'd ever listened to him. And he never laid a hand on me, although Lord knows I was asking for it. :'''Bruce Wayne''': What's your point? :'''Terry McGinnis''': ''[angrily]'' "What's my point"?! My point is, I never once doubted he loved me with all his heart! My point is, all those warm feelings I had for my dad - turns out they were just another lie! Another in a long list of things you've stolen from me! My point is, I just found out that Warren McGinnis isn't my father! YOU are. :'''Bruce Wayne''': ...What do you want from me? :'''Terry McGinnis''': I wanna know the whole truth. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Sounds like you already do. :'''Terry McGinnis''': Guess I didn't wanna believe you were so incredibly ARROGANT that you thought the world couldn't go on without you. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Or someone ''like'' me. It's not arrogance, it's fact. :'''Terry McGinnis''': You set the whole thing up! :'''Bruce Wayne''': How? You were already a teenager when I first met your mother. :'''Terry McGinnis''': I don't know. Maybe you dug up some of that old Cadmus nanotech, used it to have my genes rewritten to match yours! :'''Bruce Wayne''': That technology's been illegal for over 40 years. :'''Terry McGinnis''': [[Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker|Didn't stop the Joker from using it on Tim Drake]]! :''[Bruce's eyes widen in shock over the comment]'' :'''Terry McGinnis''': ''[remorseful]'' All right, low blow. ''[smiling sarcastically]'' Because you'd NEVER lie to me, right? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Fine. Believe what you want. But you know as well as I do, accident or not - it's a good thing that you're almost a clone of me. The world DOES need a Batman, and it always will. ''[suddenly groans in pain, clutches at his heart and tries to open a medication bottle]'' The mantle of Batman is an honor, Terry... ''[groans again, spilling the bottle and pills across the floor]'' :'''Terry McGinnis''': You know what, old man? All those years, turns out everybody was right. You ''are'' insane. Being Batman's no honor. It's a curse. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amanda Waller''': Look at all this. A pill for blood pressure, a pill for my diabetes, a pill to replace my pituitary function. I don't even know what this one's for... oh, yeah, Alzheimer's. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amanda Waller''': It's been many a year since I had a handsome gentleman caller. Why is it that superheroes are always... so good-looking? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Terry McGinnis''': You know why I can't marry you. If- :'''Dana Tan''': "If the bad guys ever found out I was Batman, they'd try to get to me by hurting you", blah blah blah. :'''Terry McGinnis''': It's nothing to joke about. :'''Dana Tan''': You're right! There could be supervillains hiding in the tall grass! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Parasite II''': Ruined, I tell you! :'''Kai-Ro''': I would offer my condolences... but that would be insincere. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kai-Ro''': Good of you to drop in, considering that three quarters of the Iniquity Collective are from your rogues gallery. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amanda Waller''': The Justice League found themselves cleaning up one of my old messes. The second group of villains to call themselves the Royal Flush Gang. Or the third—who can keep it all straight? <hr width="50%"/> :''[The League has just been informed that Ace of the Royal Flush Gang has to be stopped, and is presented with a weapon to do it.]'' :'''Batman''': I'll do it, Shayera. I'm the only one of us Ace knows. She might let me get close enough to use it. :'''Amanda Waller''': Do you understand what you're agreeing to? The only way to stop Ace for certain... is to kill her. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Ace is on a swing set in the middle of her fantasy castle]'' :'''Ace''': Batman. :'''Batman''': Ace. :'''Ace''': Did you like playing with my new Royal Flush Gang? :'''Batman''': Can't say that I did. :'''Ace''': Yeah. They aren't any fun at all. I gave them their powers and they still hardly ever play with me. :'''Batman''': Can't imagine why. :'''Ace''': When I was little, Cadmus used to make me play all kinds of games, but they weren't any fun either. They'd strap me into their machines and poke wires into my brain - "Ace, can you move this object with your mind?" ''[Telekinetically uproots a tree]'' Yeah, I can move it. They weren't really games, you know. ''[stops swinging]'' They were training me, turning me into a weapon. "For justice," they said. They got their weapon - I got cheated out of my childhood. :'''Batman''': I know what that's like. :'''Ace''': You do, don't you? :'''Batman''': ... :'''Ace''': You don't have to answer; I've read your mind. That's how I knew you weren't going to use Mrs. Waller's weapon on me. :''[Batman takes the weapon out of his belt]'' :'''Batman''': No. I wasn't. ''[tosses it away]'' :'''Ace''': You were going to try and talk me into fixing what I've changed...before I die. :'''Batman''': Yes. :'''Ace''': I'm dying very soon. :'''Batman''': ''[softly]'' Yes...I'm sorry. :'''Ace''': ''[tears in her eyes]'' Would you stay with me? I'm scared. :''[Batman walks over and sits on the swing next to her. He offers Ace his hand and she takes it. Outside the castle, the Justice League have rounded up and tied up the Royal Flush Gang, when they and everything else Ace altered suddenly return to normal. As the castle vanishes, Batman returns with Ace's body in his arms]'' :'''Amanda Waller''': ''[continuing narration]'' He sat with her, until her time came. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amanda Waller''': Honey, Bruce didn't overwrite your DNA with his - ''I'' did. :'''Terry McGinnis''': ''[astonished]'' How? ''Why?'' :'''Amanda Waller''': Because the world always needs a Batman. Not that I always thought so, mind you. Before you were born, Bruce and I were enemies. His Justice League was easily the most powerful force on Earth. As you know, I was in charge of Project Cadmus. Over the years I came to respect Batman, even trust him. :'''Terry McGinnis''': I guess the law of averages means somebody'd have to. :'''Amanda Waller''': Did you know I was the government liaison with the Justice League for a while? I met some extraordinary people in that job, but none of them were the equal of Batman. :'''Terry McGinnis''': ''[bitterly]'' Right, who could be? :'''Amanda Waller''': Not my point. I saw him save the day dozens of times with nothing but his wits, body and will. But I saw something else as the years passed - he was getting older. Slower. Soon he'd have to retire, or more likely, someone would finally manage to kill him. The thought of a world without Batman was unacceptable. So, I decided to make a new one. I used my old Cadmus connections to gather the technology necessary for Project: Batman Beyond. Bruce's DNA was easy enough to obtain. He left it all over town. ''[Terry gives her a look]'' Not REMOTELY what I meant! ''[Cut to a shot of Batman being bandaged by a paramedic]'' Then I found a young Neo-Gotham couple, with psychological profiles nearly identical to those of Bruce's parents. Your father thought he was getting a flu shot; actually it was a nanotech solution programmed to rewrite his reproductive material into an exact copy of Bruce Wayne's. A little over a year later, your mother gave birth to you, a child sharing half her genetic material... and half Bruce's. But when you're making a Batman, genetics is only part of the story - the rest is tragedy. :''[Cut to outside a movie theater playing ''The Grey Ghost Strikes''; a young Terry leaves with his parents while Waller narrates]'' :'''Amanda Waller''': Stop me if you've heard it before: you're eight years old, your parents have just taken you to a rousing adventure film, a grand time is had by all. :''[Cut to theater parking lot; the [[w:Andrea Beaumont|Phantasm]] waits in the darkness]'' :'''Amanda Waller''': But unknown to you, a mysterious figure hides in the shadows. My plan was simple - the killer would leap out at you and kill your family. The trauma would put you on the path to becoming Batman. One problem: my assassin wouldn't pull the trigger. :''[Phantasm backs off and leaves unnoticed; cut to Phantasm with Waller]'' :'''Amanda Waller''': I argued with her, but deep down, I knew she was right. People say Batman's obsessive, that he'd do anything to achieve his goals - but he'd never resort to murder. So if I was to honor all he stood for... neither could I. :'''Terry McGinnis''': And yet my dad wound up murdered, anyway. Don't you get it? No matter what you did or didn't do, I was gonna end up being Bruce's carbon copy. It was fate. :'''Amanda Waller''': You know, the Lord's been a great comfort to me all these years. Try not to look so surprised. Yeah, I've got a ''lot'' to answer for when I meet Him, but I'd like to believe for all the harm I've caused, I've also done some good. Maybe the angels need a sharp sword too. Like the good book says, He moves in mysterious ways. His plan is a mystery, but here's what isn't. He gave us free will, we choose our ''own'' fate, for good or ill. I've known Bruce Wayne for over fifty years, and I've been keeping an eye on you your whole life. You're not Bruce's clone, you're his ''son.'' There are similarities, mind you, but more than a few differences too. You don't quite have his magnificent brain, for instance. You do have his heart, though. And for all that fierce exterior, I've never met anyone who cared as deeply about his fellow man as Bruce Wayne - except maybe you. You wanna have a better life than the old man's? Take care of the people who love you. Or don't. It's your choice. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce Wayne''': You're in my chair. :'''Terry McGinnis''': Yeah, guess I am. ''[gets up]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': Where the devil have you been? ''[sits down]'' :'''Terry McGinnis''': I had some stuff to take care of. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Enigma's overrated - especially at 3 A.M. You could've called. I made you some soup, but it's cold. :'''Terry McGinnis''': Sorry - didn't mean to worry you. :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[trying to open his medication bottle]'' I was WORRIED about Gotham. If Batman's not around- :'''Terry McGinnis''': ''[opens bottle for Bruce and holds out the pills]'' I've got it covered. Always. :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[looks at Terry for a moment and takes the pills]'' Kent called. Nothing apocalyptic, he just wants your opinion on a case he's working. Said you could meet him at the Metro Tower. :'''Terry McGinnis''': Right. Better suit up. ''[heads for Batcave entrance]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': You should eat something first. Keep up your strength. :'''Terry McGinnis''': When I get back. :'''Bruce Wayne''': You're a stubborn piece of work, you know that? :'''Terry McGinnis''': ''[smiling]'' Just like my old man. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman flies past a police hovercar (in a manner similar to [[w:Man-Bat|Man-Bat]] in the first ''Batman: TAS'' episode, "On Leather Wings"]'' :'''Pilot''': Did you see that? ==Season 3== ===''I Am Legion'' [3.1]=== :'''Lex Luthor''': What? I know. I'm going as fast as I can. :'''Warden''': Luthor! Don't make any sudden moves. It's over. Hold fire! Hold Fire! :'''[[w:Key (comics)|Key]]''': Here we are, Mr. Luthor. Your benefactor is looking forward to meeting you. :'''Lex Luthor''': Does the mystery man have a name? :'''Gorilla Grodd''': No need to be insulting, Lex - I'm far superior to any man. :'''Lex Luthor''': Grodd! I appreciate the help, but gratitude only goes so far. I'm not interested in working with you or anyone else. :'''Gorilla Grodd''': I think you'll change your mind once you've seen what I have to offer. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': Why would you even try to move a prisoner that dangerous without calling us? :'''Warden''': Maybe because we thought we could do our jobs without help from the mighty Justice League. :'''Shayera Hol''': And yet... here we are. :'''Superman''': Okay, Shayera, what's done is done. Let's see if we can pick up his trail. Aztek? :'''Aztek''': The wall's submolecular integrity has been compromised. :'''Shayera Hol''': Leptons showing residual weak-force interactions? :'''Aztek''': Yeah. How did you know? :'''Superman''': It's a common energy signature of matter-phasing technology. I assume it doesn't leave a trail? :'''Shayera Hol''': No such luck. Maybe Aztek could... :'''[[King Faraday|King Faraday]]''': You guys want some coffee? Apparently I got nothing better to do here. :'''Superman''': Sorry, we got caught up in the work. :'''King Faraday''': Special Agent King Faraday. I'm the liaison between the Attorney General's office and the Justice League. :'''Aztek''': Uh, good to meet you. I'm... :'''King Faraday''': Aztek. I've been well briefed on all of you. Security on Luthor's transfer was lax because it didn't seem necessary. We haven't had a peep outta him since he was arrested for that Brainiac business last summer. :'''Warden''': He's a broken man. Just sits in his cell talking to himself. :'''Shayera Hol''': When he's not stealing police vans you mean? :'''Warden''': That came out of nowhere. We had no reason to think he was an active threat. :'''King Faraday''': Do what you can. Put out an APB, stake out airports, train and bus stations. :'''Warden''': Already done, for what it's worth. :'''King Faraday''': If he's sighted, don't approach him. Call in the League. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Warden''': My people can handle this. :'''King Faraday''': No, they can't. Your people are good, Luthor is better. And if you get a lead on him, I expect to be kept in the loop. :'''Superman''': Of course. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gorilla Grodd''': The world's most powerful supervillains, banded together with one common goal. :'''Lex Luthor''': They protect each other from the Justice League. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mairzey''': Chuck? :'''Chuck Sirianni''': What is it, honey? :'''Mairzey''': Your old footlocker's beeping. At first I thought it was the smoke detector. :'''Chuck Sirianni''': That ain't no smoke alarm. It's a sound I never thought I'd hear again. There's trouble on Blackhawk Island. :'''Superman''': Aztek didn't find anything else? :'''Fire''': Sorry, Superman. It was a bad lead. :'''Superman''': Nobody's fault. When you guys do pick up Luthor's trail, call me. I want in. :'''Shayera Hol''': You know what? This new monitor-duty rotation isn't so bad. No more overnights unless you want them. Only one shift a week and you're done. Wally? :'''Flash''': Mmm. :'''Fire''': I'm telling you, you should let it grow out. :''[Flash is staring at Fire from across the room]'' :'''Shayera Hol''': Why don't you just go talk to her? :'''Flash''': What, me? Talk to her No way! :'''Shayera Hol''': Yeah, you'd probably be wasting your time anyway. I hear she's... :'''Fire''': you know... ''[Flash looks curiously at her]'' :'''Shayera Hol''': Brazilian. :'''Flash''': Ha, ha. :'''Shayera Hol''': If you're afraid to talk to her, I'll tell her for you. ''[Starts walking over to Fire]'' :'''Flash''': ''[Stopping her]'' Don't! :'''Shayera Hol''': You are so very sad. :'''King Faraday''': Got something for you. Tell Hawkgirl your story, Mr. Sirianni. :'''Chuck Sirianni''': We met a while back, ma'am. Longer for me than for you. When you traveled in time to World War II, you fought alongside my squadron. :'''Shayera Hol''': You're one of the Blackhawks. :'''Chuck Sirianni''': Only one still kicking, I'm sorry to say. :'''Flash''': What's the problem? :'''Chuck Sirianni''': During the war and for decades after, we captured a lot of weapons. Real sci-fi stuff. We hid the worst of it on Blackhawk Island. We decommissioned the place over 30 years ago. But this morning, the old security alarm went off. Might be nothing. :'''Shayera Hol''': Or it might be someone raiding your armory. We'll take a look. Shayera out. Pick a third for the team. :'''Flash''': Um... :'''Shayera Hol''': Oh, Yob Shiggurath! Hey, Fire! :'''Fire''': Yes? :'''Shayera Hol''': We've got a mission. Let's go. :'''Chuck Sirianni''': I'm not going to argue with you about this. :'''Mairzey''': I didn't come to argue. It gets cold up there. :'''Key''': Allow me. Something of a specialty of mine. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Fire''': You haven't said a word the whole trip. :'''Flash''': Buh... :'''Fire''': I was hoping this mission would give us a chance to get to know each other a little better. :'''Flash''': Um, umm, something... :'''Fire''': I understand — you're very deep in thought, mentally preparing for the battle. No time for women — I understand. Oh! :'''Shayera''': Oops! Sorry. Two bogeys closing fast. I'm losing it. We're going down. Get ready to bail. Ejector pod's off-line. We're gonna have to do this the hard way. I got it. :'''Chuck Sirianni''': Hawk! Aah! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash''': That thing's gonna blow! You need both hands to help Shayera - drop me! ''[Fire is uncertain; Flash winks - Fire smiles and lets go]'' ''[in freefall]'' Sure hope I think of something before I hit the ground... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': He ''told'' you to drop him? :'''[[w:Fire (DC Comics)|Fire]]''': He's a senior member of the team! :'''Shayera Hol''': You know he can't ''fly'', right? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash''': ''[Hovering above the ground by spinning his arms]'' Hey ladies, check me out! I'm just like a helicopter! ''[Loses balance and crashes to the ground]'' I'm sorta like a helicopter... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': Don't you ever scare me like that again! ''[stalks off]'' :'''Flash''' : ''[To Fire]'' She loves me. She's like the big sister I never had, only... you know. Short. :'''Chuck Sirianni''': Wait up. I know everything there is to know about this island. You're going to need my help. :'''Flash''': We've got it covered. And, no offense, but you're a little old for this kind of work. :'''Chuck Sirianni''': Something's activated the island's defense grid.You wanna make it outta here alive, I'm coming with you. Whoever's on the island will be headed for master control. That's in a bunker under the Blackhawk Victory Museum. :'''Shayera Hol''': Where you stored the weapons you captured? :'''Chuck Sirianni''': Yeah, there's some serious ordnance there. Even got a couple of old war wheels. :'''Fire''': Wasn't all that stuff destroyed in the war? :'''Chuck Sirianni''': Don't believe everything you see on the Documentary Channel. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash''': War wheels, robot condors. You got a pretty goofy security system here! :'''[[w:Blackhawk (comics)|Chuck Sirianni]]''': Yeah. Good times. :'''Shayera Hol''': I see something. :'''Chuck Sirianni''': Somebody ain't impressed with the security. :'''Key''': We have to hurry. :'''Lex Luthor''': That should keep them occupied. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex Luthor''': You're the human lockpick. Why don't you do this? :'''Key''': Grodd's not testing me. :'''Doctor Polaris''': Company's coming. :'''Chuck Sirianni''': Whoever you guys are, you've got no business being in here. :'''Doctor Polaris''': Sorta goes with the territory — we're thieves. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': We going to do this the hard way, Lex? Please say yes. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash''': Now why is it you always find the keys in the last place you look? :'''Lex Luthor''': Let them go. They're pathetic, but they're with me. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Lex is holding Chuck hostage]'' :'''Chuck Sirianni''': ''[to the Leaguers]'' I'm sorry. If I were 20 years younger... :'''Lex Luthor''': You'd still be ancient. Keep quiet! :'''Watchtower Computer''': Island self-destruct sequence initiated. Three minutes to detonation. :'''Lex Luthor''': Chew on that for a while. We're leaving. If you follow, you know what happens to him. What did you do? Don't bother. We got what we came for. :'''Flash''': Forget it. There's still time for me to run us out to the water. :'''Shayera Hol''': No. I'm not going to let all this history be lost. I can't crack the code, but maybe if I... :'''Chuck Sirianni''': You better let me do that. :'''Watchtower Computer''': Self-destruct sequence canceled. :'''Chuck Sirianni''': Can't fix everything by hitting it. :'''Flash''': What was in there? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gorilla Grodd''': The Spear of Longinus. Hitler believed that whoever holds it is invincible. :'''Lex Luthor''': What are you going to do with it? Sell it to the highest bidder? Keep it yourself and try to conquer the world? :'''Gorilla Grodd''': I was thinking it would look good on the wall in my office. :'''Lex Luthor''': You mean you recruited me, sent me to an island full of death traps, and up against the Justice League. You made me risk my life, and all for nothing?!? :'''Gorilla Grodd''': Essentially... yes. :'''Lex Luthor''': ''[laughs]'' Monkey, I like your style. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex Luthor''': I should kill you! :'''Gorilla Grodd''': But you won't. :'''Lex Luthor''': No. Not today. :'''Fire''': Luthor sure didn't waste any time rounding up a crew. Who were those guys? :'''Flash''': Dr. Polaris and The Key? I don't know. They've never worked with Luthor before. :'''Fire''': All I know is Superman's going to be pretty ticked that we let Luthor get away just to keep some musty old museum from being destroyed. :'''Flash''': It was worth it. ===''Shadow Of The Hawk'' [3.2]=== :'''[[w:Dreamslayer|Dreamslayer]]''': You think you can defeat me with a bubble?!? :''[Dreamslayer uses his flame with more intensity in an attempt to break the bubble, the air runs out with Dreamslayer surrounded by smoke, Lantern dissolves the bubble and watches as Dreamslayer falls on top of a car]]'' :'''Green Lantern''': It's a really good bubble. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Shayera is about to get onto an elevator]'' :'''Green Lantern''': Shayera, I wanted to - ''[doors open; sees Shayera in an evening gown]'' Judas Priest! :'''Shayera Hol''': Problem? :'''Green Lantern''': No, no, it's just, uh... I've... never seen you in a dress before. :'''Shayera Hol''': You don't like it? :'''Green Lantern''': It's, uh... fetching. :'''Shayera Hol''': If you want one for Vixen, I can tell you where I got it. :''[Both get closer, about to kiss]'' :'''Green Lantern''': ''[clears throat]'' Listen... :''[Batman gets on the elevator]'' :'''Batman''': Glad I caught you before you did something stupid. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[on [[w:Hawkman|Carter Hall]]]'' Had an excellent reputation until about five years ago, when he started claiming that aliens landed in ancient Egypt. :'''Shayera Hol''': ''[sarcastic]'' Aliens? Well, then he ''must'' be a lunatic, because we ''know'' there's no life on other planets. :'''Batman''': There's more. :'''Shayera Hol''': What? :'''Batman''': Our Mr. Hall spends quite bit of time on the Internet. :'''Shayera Hol''': Dang, lock him up! :'''Batman''': He frequents the "I Hate Hawkgirl" bulletin boards. :'''Shayera Hol''': That doesn't mean... "Boards"?! How many are there?! :'''Batman''': Fifty-seven. Web rings. Unaffiliated sites number in the hundreds- :'''Shayera Hol''': Forget I asked! :'''Batman''': Hall keeps getting banned from them, for flaming the "Anti-Shayera" posters. :'''Shayera Hol''': So he's a fan? :'''Batman''': He's a ''stalker.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': Carter Hall has uncovered a genuine mystery, and I think it's worth investigating. :'''Green Lantern''': You should take backup. ''[Shayera glares]'' I meant Batman! I- ''we'' don't want you walking into a trap. :'''Shayera Hol''': ''[picking up Thanagarian dagger]'' I can take care of myself, thanks. :'''Batman''': The point is- :'''Shayera Hol''': The ''point'' is you don't trust me. Either of you. ''[Walks to elevator]'' Don't wait up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Carter Hall''': The trick is the raised glyphs. If you push them in the right order, they deactivate all the traps down here. :'''Shayera Hol''': And if you get it wrong? :'''Carter Hall''': Well, we're already in a tomb, so that's handy... <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Carter reveals that he believes he was "Hawkman" in a previous life.]'' :'''Shayera Hol''': I'm sorry. I'm not laughing at you... exactly. I just... I've got the worst taste in men. :'''Carter Hall''': I'm serious, Shayera. :'''Shayera Hol''': I know you are. And I'm in a lost Egyptian tomb with my stalker. The worst part is I'm going to have to listen to John and Batman saying "I told you so." <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': How stupid do you think I am? :'''Batman''': Scale of one to ten? ===''Chaos At The Earth's Core'' [3.3]=== :'''Little girl''': Don't you talk about Supergirl! Supergirl can melt you with her eyes! :'''Stargirl''': Big whoop. My stepdad here is a mecha! :''[S.T.R.I.P.E. waves hello]'' :'''Little girl''': Mecha's so last year. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Supergirl''': Why can't we just fly straight home? :'''Green Lantern''': Over the North Pole is the straightest route. Rookie. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Courtney Whitmore (comics)|Stargirl]]''': She's always "blah, blah, blah, my cousin, blah, blah, BLAH, blah, my cousin." Like we don't know who she means. "Check me out, I'm Supergirl!" :'''[[w:Pat Dugan|S.T.R.I.P.E.]]''': Ask me, Courtney, the only thing that matters is we all pulled through. :'''Stargirl''': Shut up, Pat. It wasn't World War III, it was a giant turtle. :'''S.T.R.I.P.E.''': If I was you, I wouldn't talk behind somebody's back, especially when they got super-hearing. <hr width="50%"/> :''[A powerless Supergirl is under attack by enemies. Stargirl flies down and gloats]'' :'''Supergirl''': What are you waiting for? Zap 'em with your star-thingy! :'''Stargirl''': Oh, may I? 'Cause it would be such an honor to help the great Supergirl out of a jam. :'''Supergirl''': Come on! ''[Stargirl uses her Cosmic Staff and knocks out the attackers]'' You are so loving this! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Lantern''': Let's get this over with. Kara, you... ''[Supergirl leaps off the battlements into the fray with a sword]'' Fine. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Deimos''': My magic is strongest, girl! :'''Stargirl''': Your breath is strongest, dude. That's about it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Deimos''': [''about Stargirl''] Such a pretty child. But then, they're always pretty — when I begin. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Warlord (comics)|Warlord]]''': Deimos! You and me, pal! :'''Deimos''': Morgan. I was hoping to kill you today. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Lantern''': Somebody else didn't want Metallo to give them up. :'''Warlord''': You'll take that thing with you. :'''S.T.R.I.P.E.''': Definitely. And the great stone too. Let GL whip it into the sun. :'''Supergirl''': Wait. This is the one place where kryptonite can do some good. :'''Warlord''': That is a fact. :'''Green Lantern''': We don't want Silver Banshee coming back after it. So the only way I'll let the stone stay here is if we seal the portal to Skartaris permanently. :'''Warlord''': Fine by me. I got everything I need... right here. :'''Green Lantern''': There. I doubt even I could get back through. :'''Stargirl''': How you feeling? Need a lift? :'''Supergirl''': No. I'm good. :'''S.T.R.I.P.E.''': Courtney, you slow your butt down! :'''Stargirl''': Ugh. My dad. :'''Supergirl''': I know. Superman tried to keep me on the farm. Made me hide there for three years. :'''Stargirl''': Big deal. I've still got a curfew. Enough cosmic energy to trash a city and I can't stay out past ten. :'''Supergirl''': Three years. On a farm. In Kansas. :'''Green Lantern''': We'll have J'onn probe what's left of Metallo's mind. I wanna know what he was going to say. Something's going on, ain't it? ===''To Another Shore'' [3.4]=== :'''Green Arrow''': ''[wolf whistles]'' Lookin' good, Diana. Got a date? :'''Wonder Woman''': No such luck, Ollie. I'm representing Themyscira at the global warming conference. :'''Green Arrow''': Way to go, man. Save the planet! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': Agent Faraday - what are you doing here? :'''King Faraday''': Not smoking. Want some? ''[offers Wonder Woman gum]'' :'''Wonder Woman''': No thanks. :'''King Faraday''': I'm here with the Special Security Team - the Vice President is attending. But you know that already, I saw you reading him the riot act earlier. :'''Wonder Woman''': I'm not much of a diplomat. :'''King Faraday''': Don't sell yourself short, lady - you're an international incident waiting to happen. ''[walks off]'' By the way, if you raise your voice to the VP again, my men are under orders to shoot you. ''[he pops his gum and points a finger at her, miming a gun. She holds up an arm, showing that she is wearing her bracelets underneath her business suit, and taps her nail against one.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': J'onn, I've got a situation. :'''Martian Manhunter''': Watchtower sensors have picked up the earth tremors from your location. I knew you were on the scene and assumed you could handle it. :'''Wonder Woman''': Well, I can't. I'm outnumbered, and I'm not feeling well. :'''Martian Manhunter''': We're still shorthanded. I could spare Green Arrow, and... Mr. Terrific. :'''Wonder Woman''': Bring who you want, J'onn, but I need ''you!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': I think you'll make a great diplomat...leave your sword. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Killer Frost''': You are a beautiful man. ''[freezes the agent]'' I think I'll keep you. <hr width="50%"/> :[''After escaping from an ice barrier around him''] :'''Green Arrow''': And Black Canary said a buzzsaw arrow was self-indulgent. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Submarine Henchman''': What're ''you'' doing in here? :''[Green Arrow knocks him out]'' :'''Green Arrow''': Well, for one thing, it's freezing outside. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Killer Frost''': ''[To J'onn]'' Let me go, freak! Or so help me, I'll give you frostbite in places you didn't even know you had places! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Killer Frost''': Kiss my frosty butt! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Faraday''': Attention, unidentified craft. This is Special Agent King Faraday. Your vessel is currently surrounded by three United States Navy Seawolf-class submarines. While I strongly suggest that you surrender immediately and prepare to be boarded, I really enjoy firing Trident missiles at tiny little subs, so the decision's entirely up to you. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Wonder Woman reads from ''[[w:The Rime of the Ancient Mariner|The Rime of the Ancient Mariner]]'' as [[w:Viking Prince|Prince Jon]]'s body and ship are sent into the Sun.]'' :And now all in my own country :I stood on the firm land! :The Hermit stepped forth from the boat :And scarcely he could stand. :"O shrieve me, shrieve me, holy man!" :The Hermit crossed his brow. :"Say quick," quoth he, "I bid thee say- :What manner of man art thou?" :Forthwith this frame of mine was wrenched :With a woeful agony, :Which forced me to begin my tale; :And then it left me free. :Since then, at an uncertain hour :That agony returns; :And till my ghastly tale is told, :This heart within me burns. :I pass, like night, from land to land; :I have strange power of speech; :That moment that his face I see, :I know the man that must hear me; :To him my tale I teach. ===''Flash And Substance'' [3.5]=== :'''Mirror Master''': Gentlemen, we live in brutal times. Last week, to make ends meet, I was reduced to hijacking a tractor-trailer full of sports cars. :'''Captain Cold''': That is so beneath you. At least knock over a bank. :'''Trickster''': You gotta visualize. :'''Captain Cold''': Visualize? What the heck does that mean? If I don't "visualize" a mortgage payment soon, the wife will have me bagging groceries for a living. :'''Captain Boomerang''': She's always been an Ice Queen, that one. <hr width="50%"/> :''[After quickly dashing into a janitor's closet]'' :'''Flash''': ''[as Wally West]'' Watchtower, table for one. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Captain Boomerang''': Well, at least he didn't make me eat my own laser kaleidoscope... :'''Mirror Master''': That's a rumor! A complete exaggeration. And anyway, it was a laser pistol. :'''Captain Cold''': It's like that time I stole an entire train while it was moving. The way people tell it, you'd think the Flash shoved my cold gun- <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mirror Master''': So, we're the hardest men in town- :'''Waitress''': ''[clears throat]'' What'll it be, boys? :'''Captain Boomerang''': [[w:Arnold Palmer (drink)|Arnold Palmer]]. :'''Trickster:''' Cherry cola! :'''Mirror Master''': Decaf soy latte. :'''Captain Cold''': Milk. ''[the others stare at him; sheepishly]'' My ulcer's been acting up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash''': Oh right, uh, cause it's Flash Appreciation Day. Yeah, it'll be great. I understand if everybody's too busy to come, no biggie. My mom's gonna be there. Let's see, my uncle's flying in. Be great if one of the original seven made it. I mean, okay, yeah, it's the Flash Museum, but to me, the whole League deserves the honor, all of us, like I said no biggie... ''[sighs sorrowfully]'' :'''Batman''': What time? :'''Flash''': Six o'clock. ''[realizes]'' Nooooo... You're really coming?! Awesome! You're a stand up guy, Bats! Don't ever let them call you a crazed loner. ''[leaves]'' :'''Orion''': ''[to Batman]'' I can't believe you let that buffoon manipulate you. You'd never catch me at one of those museum openings. ''[Batman glares at him]'' ...It's not black tie, is it? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash''': Mirror Master! :'''Mirror Master''': You’re quick as ever. :'''Flash''': Yeah? Well, you’re... you’re not really all there! :'''Mirror Master''': Oh, nice try. If you'd had another ''minute'' you’d probably think of a decent comeback. ''[the disco ball starts firing random lasers at Flash, who evades]'' Sadly you don't have the time. ''[one of the blasts takes Flash down]'' In another minute you'll be dead! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash''': While you're waiting for me to come arrest you, why not take the time and ''reflect'' on your mistakes? ''[walks away]'' Hey, that was pretty good. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Flash is tied to a giant rocket-powered boomerang]'' :'''Flash''': ''[To Captain Boomerang]'' I swear, when I get outta this, I'm gonna find you and hurl all over you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Captain Boomerang''': Touch of dizziness. You might find it useful to fix on one point on the horizon. For instance, that mountain you're set to crash into. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Orion''': Flash? :'''Flash''': Hey, guys. :'''Orion''': You're tied to a very large boomerang. :'''Flash''': Yeah...? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash''': Listen, I need to go home and change before the opening tonight. :'''Batman''': We're coming with you. :'''Flash''': You really don't have to. :'''Batman''': ''We're coming''... With you. :'''Flash''': ''[sighs]'' OK! You guys are so slow! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After hearing the Trickster's overly elaborate plan]'' :'''Captain Cold''': You know what? Taking turns is dumb. Let's just all jump him at the museum. :'''Mirror Master''': Brilliant! :'''Captain Boomerang''': Good deal. :'''Trickster''': But come on. It'll be great. ''[the other Rogues leave as Trickster continues]'' Okay, you don't like the barf? I can make do with 50,000 rotten eggs and a chainsaw. Well, if that's the way you're gonna be, forget about it! I quit! Nobody gets me. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Flash, Batman, and [[w: Orion (comics)|Orion]] enter a bar to confront the [[w: Trickster (comics)|Trickster]]. The Rogues spot them and dash out.]'' :'''Trickster''': I mean what's so special about a "disco of death?" Heck with 'em! I'm an artist! They're just robbing banks. Captain Cold, Captain Boomerang... Probably would have gone for it if I was a "Captain"... :''[Flash clears his throat.]'' :'''Trickster''': Got ya! :''[Trickster fires a gun with a nose-shaped barrel. Batman slaps it away, and the blast hits the pool table behind them.]'' :'''Trickster''': It's a snot gun. Ha ha. :'''Batman''': Where are the others? :'''Trickster''': Those crabby hacks can go plug a hole for all I care. But I'm not about to rat 'em out! :'''Batman''': Orion? :'''Orion''': ''[grabs Trickster]'' Talk, while you still have a jaw! :'''Flash''': Hey hey! Would you guys ''please'' take it down a notch? Let me handle this. ''[leads Trickster back to the bar and sits with him]'' James, you're off your meds, aren't you? :'''Trickster''': Better off without 'em. Take 'em if I start feeling down. :'''Flash''': You know that's not how the medicine works. You're not well! :'''Trickster''': I'm ''fine''. You wanna throw some darts? :'''Flash''': No. Listen, James. You're wearing the suit again! :'''Trickster''': I am? ''[examines his clothing]'' Well, whaddaya know? :'''Flash''': Here's the deal, buddy. Tell me where those guys went, and I'll come see you in the hospital. We'll play darts...! The soft kind. :'''Trickster''': Okay, they're gonna ambush you at the Flash Museum. :'''Flash''': See? That's all we needed! ''[gets up to leave with Batman and Orion]'' Come on, we better get over there. :'''Orion''': What about your enemy? :'''Flash''': Oh, right! ''[Calls to Trickster]'' Dude, soon as you finish your drink, turn yourself in! :'''Trickster''': ''[raising his mug]'' Got me again, Flash! <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Linda_Park_(comics)|Linda Park]]''': When we come back, I'll try to get with him... Get ''to'' him... For an interview... Are we off? Geez. He's a total babe. Like the entire track team at once. I can't believe you're not into him, Marla. :'''Marla''': Okay... Now you're off. ''[Linda face-palms with her notes in embarrassment]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Orion''': ''[about Flash]'' Central City builds statues to this... fool. Who makes bad jokes. Who concerns himself with pitiful men like the Trickster. I don't understand. :'''Batman''': No... you don't. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Captain Cold''': That's it? I was all set to crack some bones. :'''Orion''': Then brace yourself! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Orion''': Now I understand. You play the fool to hide a warrior's pain. :'''Flash''': Dude. Bad guys went down, and no one got hurt. You know what I call that? A really good day. ===''Dead Reckoning'' [3.6]=== :'''The Master''': I know you are here, Boston Brand. :'''Deadman''': ''[Appears]'' What's the point of being a flippin'ghost if you can't even sneak up on people? For that matter, what's the point of being a ghost, period? It's been over a year since I caught the man who murdered me. :'''The Master''': So your work here is done. You are ready to pass on to the next level? :'''Deadman''': I don't know what "ready" means, but I feel like I done my time. :'''The Master''': And yet, here you are. :'''Deadman''': “Here you are”? What kind of lousy wisdom is “Here you are?” :'''The Master''': If you seek knowledge, you have but to ask. :'''Deadman''': I've avenged my own death. Why am I still here? :'''The Master''': Your destiny is not to avenge your own death. Your destiny is to avenge mine. :'''Deadman''': What? :''[In the Himalayas]'' :'''Devil Ray''': Grodd never sends us to any place nice. :'''Taj Ze''': This humble one begs your forgiveness, but to enter this sacred place, the right must be earned. :'''Devil Ray''': ''[Shoots him]'' Keep the change. :'''Young Monk''': This humble one begs your forgiveness... but no outsider is permitted in the temple of Nanda Parbat. :'''Atomic Skull''': That's cute, kid. Get out of the way or I'll spank you. :'''Young Monk''': This would also not be permitted. :''[Atomic Skull grunting]'' :'''Devil Ray''': ''[chuckles]'' Little Bruce Lee's got your number. Lucky thing you've got us for backup. :'''Young Monk''': This humble one would not presume to fight you alone. :'''Ramparge''': Now things are getting interesting. :'''Lex Luthor''': Take them down. Bizarro, you despise me right? :'''Bizarro''': Uh-huh. Bizarro hate Luthor. Me do anything for he. :'''Lex Luthor''': Good—I mean, bad. Anyway, take care of those monks. :'''Bizarro''': Okay. :'''Devil Ray''': Stand aside or you're dead. :'''The Master''': In the fullness of time, we are all dead. This is not the way to end my life. Ah! :''[Deadman gasps]'' :'''Deadman''': Master! :'''The Master''': Do not waste your time, Boston Brand. This portion of my journey has come to an end. :'''Deadman''': But-- :'''The Master''': We will meet again. :'''Deadman''': I'm gonna make you pay! :'''Lex Luthor''': Rampage, what's wrong with you? :'''Tala''': She has been possessed. Out, undead spirit! :''[Deadman screaming]'' :'''Rampage''': What just happened? :'''Tala''': This is it. The heart of Nanda Parbat. We have what we came for. It's time to leave. :''[Deadman groans]'' :''[Deadman crying]'' :'''Tala''': I have done as you ask, Lord Grodd. :'''Lex Luthor''': Get off your knees, woman. :'''Tala''': Not until my master says so. :'''Gorilla Grodd''': Excellent work, my dear. You may rise. :'''Lex Luthor''': You're pathetic. Debasing yourself like that. :'''Tala''': I owe Grodd everything. I would still be trapped in that mirror if he hadn't freed me. :'''Devil Ray''': When Giganta gets out of prison, she ain't gonna appreciate you hanging on to her boyfriend like that. :'''Tala''': That's her problem. Giganta's not nearly enough woman for Grodd. :'''Gorilla Grodd''': True. :'''Lex Luthor''': If you're quite finished demonstrating what an alpha male you are, maybe you'd care to explain what you intend to do with that thing. :'''Gorilla Grodd''': Already told you, but you won't accept it. You don't believe in magic. :'''Lex Luthor''': It's not a matter of belief. I'm just unaccustomed to working with something I don't fully understand. :'''Gorilla Grood''': As long as the amplifier you built for me works... :'''Lex Luthor''': It does. :'''Gorilla Grodd''': Then consider this an exotic power source. You don't need to understand anything more. :'''Lex Luthor''': You can't produce a carrier wave of the amplitude you talk about with this building's cloaking field generator. :'''Gorilla Grodd''': So you've convinced me. I don't intend to use our field generator. :'''Lex Luthor''': You're planning to build one? :'''Gorilla Grood''': Luthor, Luthor, Luthor. Why build when we can take what we want? Gentlemen, shall we go? :'''Deadman''': Rama Kushna. Just like you to show up too late to help. :'''Rama Kushna''': Your impertinence is refreshing as always. But have a care. The gods are capricious. :'''Deadman''': What do you want from me? The master is dead. They're all dead. :'''Rama Kushna''': Do not presume to lecture me on the nature of reality. The monks have not yet passed from this plane. :'''Deadman''': They're in some kind of coma? :'''Rama Kushna''': That is as close to the truth as you are capable of comprehending. You must retrieve the heart of Nanda Parbat, or they will remain in their current state for all time. I have spoken. :'''Deadman''': How the heck am I supposed to do that? :'''Superman''': Is that really everything? :'''Batman''': We're done. All reports filed. :'''Wonder Woman''': Good. What you guys say we get something to eat? We hardly spend time together when we're not working. :'''Superman''': Sounds good to me. But I'm tired of commissary food. :'''Batman''': I'd like to, Diana, but I've been away from Gotham too long. :'''Superman''': Come on, Bruce. I know a burger place in Metropolis that has the best fries on the East Coast. And the milkshakes are so thick-- ''[is possessed by [[w: Deadman|Deadman]]]'' :'''Deadman''': I need your help. :'''Wonder Woman''': That's pretty thick. :'''Superman''': I'm serious. I need your help on a mission of vengeance. Now, don't be alarmed, but I'm not Superman. I'm-- :'''Batman''': A ghost, inhabiting his body. Is that you, Boston? :'''Superman''': Hi, Bats. When I'm working, people call me "Deadman." :'''Wonder Woman''': You know this... ghost? :'''Superman''': Yeah, Batman helped me solve my own murder a while back. Now I need your help again. :'''Wonder Woman''': If you hurt Superman, I'll-- :'''Superman''': Relax. He doesn't even know I'm in here. :'''Batman''': We can't see or hear him, otherwise. Once he leaves, Superman will be fine. :'''Superman''': It's like he says. :'''Batman''': Why are you still around? I thought once your murder was solved, your exile was ended. :'''Superman''': You and me both. You know how they say, "No good deed goes unpunished"? I guess I shot my mouth off to the wrong deity. :'''Wonder Woman''': What's this about? :'''Superman''': A bunch of supervillains busted into Nanda Parbat and stole a mystic totem filled with the souls of hundreds of monks. And they killed the master. :'''Wonder Woman''': Batman? :'''Superman''': He knew the master even before I did. :'''Batman''': He was one of my martial arts teachers. :'''Superman''': With all the power in this body, it'd be easy to punish the men responsible. If I could find them. :'''Batman''': That's not the master's way. Or yours. We'll find them, and we'll see that justice is done. Not vengeance. :'''Superman''': Yeah. Fun to think about, though. :'''Wonder Woman''': Let's go up to Ops and see if you can't pick the bad guys out of a photo array. You're sure that's not the magician you saw? :'''Superman''': Nope. All the rest of them are right on, though. :'''Batman''': First sign of Luthor since Shayera saw him on Blackhawk Island. What's he up to? :'''Wonder Woman''': This seems like it might be bigger than Luthor. Agent Faraday told me Devil Ray escaped from prison. And Bizarro showing up again... And all the odd teams of previously unaffiliated villains-- :'''Batman''': Whose brains have conveniently been shorting out when we questioned them. :'''Mr. Terrific''': Do you guys remember the one bit of information J'onn was able to pull out of Giganta's mind before it shut down? :'''Wonder Woman''': Grodd. Think he's put together a new secret society? :'''Batman''': Except this time he's doing a better job of keeping the secret. :'''Wonder Woman''': So how do we find them? :'''Superman''': I wish I could help. I can feel the psychic screams of the souls they stole. But I can't pinpoint a location. All I get are images of Africa. I know. A continent doesn't much narrow things down, but it's all I can... :'''Wonder Woman''': Gorilla City. He's gone back home. :'''Batman''': ''[From the Watchtower]'' Solovar, this is Batman. :'''Solovar''': What a coincidence. I was just about to call you. :'''Batman''': We wanted to give you a heads-up. We got reason to believe... ''[Solovar is shown crouching behind rubble, holding a gun. Sounds of battle]'' ...Grodd's coming your way. :'''Solovar''': You don't say! That would explain the armies of supervillains attacking the city! :'''Batman''': How bad? :'''Solovar''': They've all but taken over. They're holding the central control building. We could use some help if you have any to spare. Can't chat. Signing off? :'''Deadman''': ''[Possessing Superman]'' Gorilla City? :'''Wonder Woman''': A hidden city of talking, hyper-intelligent gorillas, with technology far beyond anything humans have developed. :'''Deadman''': No, really! :'''Wonder Woman''': You're a ghost from the Himalayas, having trouble believing this? :'''Deadman''': Point. :'''Deadman''': ''[Possessing Superman]'' You know, when they beam down on a [[Star Trek that TV show]], they never miss. :'''Wonder Woman''': We didn't miss, either. It's a force field, but it also hides the city from prying eyes. :'''Deadman''': ''[Possessing Superman]'' Looks like a job for Superman! :''[Superman grunting]'' :'''Batman''': You're wasting time! Go in as a ghost. Find the central control and shut down the shield generator. We'll follow as soon as we can. :'''Deadman''': ''[Possessing Superman]'' Yeah, okay! :''[Deadman leaves Superman's body]'' :'''Superman''': ...you have to eat them(i.e. the milkshakes at Superman's favorite burger restaurant) with a spoon! ''[looks around]'' What am I doing in Africa? :'''Deadman''': ''[Possessing Atomic Skull]'' You two, Devil Ray wants you outside right now. Go on. I'll take care of things here. You'd think the thing would be a big red button, or at least have a sign on it or something. The heck with it. :''[Atomic skull grunting]'' :'''Superman''': That's our cue. :'''Lex Luthor''': Skull! What do you think you're doing?! :'''Atomic Skull''': I gotta say, I don't have a good answer for you. :'''Tala''': It's the ghost. He's here again. But this time, I will take care of him for good. :''[Deadman screaming]'' :''[Deadman screaming]'' :'''Tala''': I cannot destroy him. :'''Gorilla Grodd''': Can you at least get him out of our hair for a bit? :'''Tala''': Yes. I banish you from this place, evil spirit. :''[Deadman grunting]'' :'''Lex Luthor''': We lost shield power for 41 seconds before the backup kicked in. We have to assume-- :'''Gorilla Grodd''': That the Justice League is here. They are headed this way. We need more time to complete our work. Then it won't matter. :'''Lex Luthor''': I'm on it. Bizarro. Superman is your best friend. Do you understand? :'''Bizarro''': Bizarro understand. Superman am friend. Bizarro must kill him. :'''Deadman''': ''[Possessing Wonder Woman]'' You killed my teacher. My friend. :'''Devil Ray''': You'll have to be more specific, lady. I've killed a lot of people. :'''Wonder Woman''': The old monk. :''[Devil Ray grunting]'' :''[Devil Ray groans]'' :'''Devil Ray''': What are you waiting for? You want revenge? Take it. :'''Wonder Woman''': No. That's not what he would have wanted. ''[angered because Deadman possessed her to fight Devil Ray]'' Next time, ask permission! :'''Gorilla Grodd''': Tala, we're ready for the heart. :'''Lex Luthor''': Good. Then all I have to do is install this mind control module, and you'll be able to project your will over the entire world. Present company excepted, of course. :'''Gorilla Grodd''': Actually, that's just what I wanted you to think. My true plans are far more grand. Tala? :'''Lex Luthor''': Some sort of genetic reconfiguration matrix? :'''Gorilla Grodd''': You show impressive intellect for a homo sapiens. Using the massive carrier wave that, thanks to you, Gorilla City's shield generator can now produce-- I'm about to send a signal that will rewrite human DNA. A devolution ray that will turn every man, woman, and child on Earth into an ape! :''[Bizarro groans]'' :''[Bizarro grunting]'' :'''Batman''': You okay? :'''Superman''': Yeah. Let's wrap this up. :'''Wonder Woman''': ''[turned into a gorilla]'' Oh, come on! :'''Lex Luthor''': ''[turned into a gorilla]'' Why am I not surprised? :'''Gorilla Grodd''': Don't bother. It's too late. :'''Superman''': ''[turned into a gorilla]'' Tell me how to stop it. :'''Gorilla Grodd''': Get us out of here, Tala. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': Is everything okay? :'''Wonder Woman''': Well, I’m sort of missing Flash’s obligatory joke about how Grodd made a monkey out of us. :'''Superman''': Just couldn’t let it go unsaid. :'''Wonder Woman''': Obligatory. :'''Deadman''': That's it, guys. Yuk it up. You saved the world, but I failed. Everyone in Nanda Parbat is gone-- forever. :'''Solovar''': We're in your debt again, Justice League. :'''Superman''': If only Luthor and Grodd hadn't gotten away. :'''Solovar''': If it's any consolation, we've picked up nearly a dozen of his super-powered cronies-- with more to come, I'm sure. :''[Devil Ray groans]'' :''[Devil Ray screaming]'' :'''Batman''': No. I didn't mean. :''[Batman grunting]'' :'''Superman''': Bruce, Deadman took over your body. It wasn't your fault. :'''Deadman''': Let me explain. He would have shot her. I didn't have a choice. :'''Rama Kushna''': Boston Brand, your actions have led to the death of another. :'''Deadman''': I'm sorry. I-- I didn't mean to-- :'''Rama Kushna''': Intentions are immaterial. You were gifted with power to be used to balance the scales of karma. Because of your actions, the scale now is unbalanced. :'''Deadman''': Unbalanced? Thanks to Devil Ray and his team, the master and all the other monks are dead. :'''Rama Kushna''': Incorrect. When the heart was shattered, the essences of the monks were set free. Even now their souls return to their rightful places. :'''The Master''': No one dies in Nanda Parbat. But the scales are unbalanced. Your work in this world is not yet done. :''[After Gorilla Grodd's plan has failed]'' :'''Lex Luthor''': Since there's only one monkey left around here, I'm assuming that the Justice League found a way to stop the carrier wave. :'''Gorilla Grodd''': There's more than one way to peel a banana. Next time- :'''Lex Luthor''': I wasn't going to do this for another couple of weeks, but seriously... ''[rises from table and draws a gun]'' Turning all of humanity into ''apes''? ''[aims weapon at Grodd]'' ''That'' was your master plan?! ''[Shoots Grodd, then turns to the other villains]'' Listen up! From now on, ''I'm'' in charge of this operation. Anybody got a problem with that? :''[No one challenges him; Tala sidles up to him]'' :'''Tala''': No problem at all... baby. ===''Patriot Act'' [3.7]=== :'''Amanda Waller''': You look well, General. The past few months have been good to you. :'''General Wade Eiling''': Mrs. Waller, due respect, this reassignment is a joke. Never thought I'd become a desk drone. :'''Amanda Waller''': I can't help you there. Langley all but scrapped Project Cadmus and insisted on your transfer. We're lucky we're not all in jail. :'''General Wade Eiling''': Look, the only mistake we made was trusting Luthor. :'''Amanda Waller''': ''Wade''. You know better than to dwell on the past. :'''[[w:General Wade Eiling|General Wade Eiling]]''': I'm talking about right now. The Justice League is still the single greatest threat to global security. :'''Amanda Waller''': I used to believe that too. But remember: we used to say the same about the Soviets. Our enemies are never as evil as we imagine... and maybe we're never quite as good. :'''General Wade Eiling''': Nuts. Don't tell me the bleeding hearts in Congress got to you. :'''Amanda Waller''': I'd eat them alive. :'''General Wade Eiling''': You would too. You've got some onions, Amanda. :'''Amanda Waller''': Then listen to me. I'm not the League's greatest fan, but their intentions are good. I ''can'' work with them. :'''General Wade Eiling''': What if you're wrong, though? Turns out the metahumans ''aren't'' on the side of the angels? We won't have any way to defend ourselves. Look what happened last year: Superman walked into Cadmus and tossed our best men like a salad. :'''Amanda Waller''': Oh, for heaven's sake. :'''General Wade Eiling''': What's to stop him from doing it again? They're all orbiting us with a space weapon, ''supposedly'' decommissioned. That's a much bigger threat than the Russians ever were. If we'd rolled over like this with the Soviet Union, given up our nukes... :'''Amanda Waller''': We'd all be living under a red flag? :'''General Wade Eiling''': Yes, ma'am, you'd better believe it. After all our work, what did Cadmus accomplish? You get a reprimand, I'm pushing pencils, and the League gets another base here on Earth, that Metro Tower. When one side loses ground and the other side gains, that isn't a truce - it's a surrender! :'''Amanda Waller''': It's a different world, General. Learn to live in it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mister Terrific''': Green Lantern, what's your status? :'''Green Lantern''': This sun's going nova any day now. It's worse than we thought. We'll have to deploy twice as many fusion dampers. :'''Mister Terrific''': You're breaking up. Say again? :'''Green Lantern''': The main point is, this is gonna take a while. :'''Mister Terrific''': Understood. We've got it covered on this end. Check in whenever you can. Watchtower out. Green Arrow, S.T.R.I.P.E., Stargirl, Vigilante and Shining Knight, meet me on the bridge. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Soldier''': ''[in General Eiling's grip]'' Don't kill me! :'''General Wade Eiling''': I wouldn't kill you, soldier. You're just doing your job. And now I'm going to do mine... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Vigilante''': Ha! The exact second the movie's over, we get a mission. Dang if that ain't lucky! :'''[[w:Shining Knight|Shining Knight]]''': I still say this [[w:Clint Eastwood|Clint Eastwood]] dishonored himself when he refused to - what was it? "Play by the rules"? :'''Vigilante''': Partner, your medieval upbringing has done left ya' unschooled in the ways of the movin' picture. :'''Shining Knight''': No, his proper duty is to his police captain. I see why they call him "[[w:Dirty Harry|dirty]]." He besmirches his order. :'''Vigilante''': Sir Justin, if you're gonna be watchin' stuff on my big TV with the 5.1 surround sound, you had best watch what you say about Mr. Clint Eastwood. :'''Mister Terrific''': Half of our resources are in deep space. We're short-handed. :'''S.T.R.I.P.E.''': Right. I'll take a real assignment over Watchtower duty any day. :'''Green Arrow''': So who's left up here with you? The Ray? :'''Mister Terrific''': He's with Vixen, checking out an explosion in the Aleutians. Flash and Supergirl aren't finished in Madagascar. :'''Green Arrow''': You're spreading us a little thin. :'''Mister Terrific''': We go where we're needed, Green Arrow. Did you second guess the Martian like this? :'''Green Arrow''': Sorry, my bad. You're the big-picture guy. :'''Mister Terrific''': I've got it all worked out. There's just this one mission in Metropolis. I need you people to fill in for Superman. :'''Stargirl''': Cool. :'''Rick Wilson''': Welcome back to the Daily Planet and Hubell's Department Stores' 87th Annual Metro Merchants Parade. I'm Rick Wilson. :'''Kaitlin O'Shaughnessy-Ruiz''': And I'm Kaitlin O'Shaughnessy-Ruiz. And who's passing the reviewing stand now but the Veterans Legion honor guard followed by the Madison High School marching band. :'''Rick Wilson''': Yes, and just look who's coming next. An old, dear friend. It's a bird. It's a plane. It's Superman. :'''Kaitlin O'Shaughnessy-Ruiz''': That's right, Rick. Superman is held by officers from the police department's 19th precinct. And next up, more heroes. Some of the brave policemen, firefighters and emergency workers who serve Metropolis every day. :'''Rick Wilson''': And riding with them, well, the actual Superman can't be here today but he sent along some of his Justice League cohorts. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shining Knight''': I'd slay the ogre Blunderbore all over again rather than put myself on display in this manner. Even though that ogre turned out to be- :'''Vigilante, Stargirl, S.T.R.I.P.E. and Green Arrow''': Morgaine le Fey. :'''S.T.R.I.P.E.''': We've all heard it. :'''Shining Knight''': ...'Tis a good story. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Stargirl''': So, what? Since we don't have superpowers it takes five of us to replace one Superman? :'''Police officer''': Excuse me. I just want to thank you Justice League guys for turning out in force. It means a lot to us. :'''Green Arrow''': Hey, we can't thank you enough. You're the real heroes. :'''Shining Knight''': It's you the people come to honor. :'''Stargirl''': Great. Now I'm petty. :'''Green Arrow''': See where it says "Heroes one and all"? That's what it's all about. The crowd doesn't care who can bench press a mountain, or shoot lasers out of their ears. :'''Old lady''': Where's Superman? :'''Man''': How come none of the good ones are here? :'''Kid #2''': I didn't come here to see some stupid cowboy! :'''Man #2''': I don't think vigilantes are good role models, especially ones with guns! :'''Woman''': I came to see Superman! <hr width="50"%/> :[''the now-superpowered General Eiling crashes the Metropolis parade''] :'''General''': General Eiling, sir. What brings you back to Cadmus? :'''General Wade Eiling''': Just came to collect something I left behind. :'''General Wade Eiling''': I want you men posted at the entrance to this wing. Nobody in or out. :'''Henchmann''': Yes, sir. :'''Dr. Anderson''': General, what are you doing? :'''General Wade Eiling''': Hello, Dr. Anderson. I left my reading glasses in the bio vault and can't seem to get back in. :'''Dr. Anderson''': That code was changed six months ago. You're not authorized. :'''General Wade Eiling''': The new code. Now. :'''Dr. Anderson''': General, no. That serum's unstable. :'''General Wade Eiling''': I read the report. :'''Dr. Anderson''': So you know about the horrible disfigurations. The test animals... :'''General Wade Eiling''': Too late now. :'''Dr. Anderson''': Shoot to kill. Now. While you still can. :'''General Wade Eiling''': Where's Superman? :'''Green Arrow''': Busy. Can I help you? :'''General Wade Eiling''': Yeah. Hold this for me! ''[hurls a cart at Green Arrow]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Stargirl''': We're taking this someplace else. Haven't you ever heard of innocent bystanders? :'''General Wade Eiling''': You ever hear of acceptable losses? You can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs. This country is halfway down the toilet because of you super-powered types. :'''Stargirl''': For the record, I don't have powers, pottymouth. It's the staff! :'''General Wade Eiling''': ''[slamming Stargirl into the ground]'' In that case, miss, then you're just another egg. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Vigilante''': You hit 'im high, I'll hit 'im low! :'''Green Arrow''': Whatever! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': You wanted Superman? Now you've got-''[Speedy and Crimson Avenger teleport in]''- The Crimson Avenger and my ex-sidekick. :'''Speedy''': Ex-''partner''. :'''Green Arrow''': Speedy, we gotta do this now? :'''General Wade Eiling''': Oooh, now I'm scared. <hr width="50%"/> :'''General Wade Eiling''': You spoiled, rich little twerp! :'''Green Arrow''': I think he means me. :'''Speedy''': Oh. For a second, I was all mad. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': You still got your quantum arrow? :'''Speedy''': Yeah, but you said... :'''Green Arrow''': This ''is'' an emergency! <hr width="50%"/> :'''General Wade Eiling''': Superman, you coward! All your men are down, and you won't even show your face! :'''Shining Knight''': He cannot hear even your bellowing, monster. As we speak, Superman rescues an entire star system a universe away. Do your worst - I'll not let you harm another. :'''General Wade Eiling''': I do what I do in service to my country. :'''Shining Knight''': Once, at the word of my lord King Arthur, I was ordered to lay waste to an entire village. I knew my king's heart could not be so unjust, so I spared them all. :'''General Wade Eiling''': Then you're a lousy soldier. :''[Eiling punches the Shining Knight in the jaw]'' :'''Shining Knight''': There it is...the creeping moral decay of the past thousand years. :''[Shining Knight swings his sword at General Eiling, who dodges easily]'' :'''Shining Knight''': Arthur ''thanked'' me, oaf! Had I been wrong, I would have handed over my sword and left the court in shame! :''[Eiling slams Shining Knight into the ground]'' :'''General Wade Eiling''': Save yourself a hospital stay and stand down. That magic armor won't help you. :'''Shining Knight''': Have at thee! :''[Shining Knight tries to punch Eiling, but is slammed into the ground again]'' :'''General Wade Eiling''': You're a relic. In this world, power is the only thing that matters. You and those other no-name heroes, you're just people. In the great scheme of things, nothing you do has the least bit of significance. ''[Shining Knight rises again, but Eiling punches him again]'' I'll waste you and a billion like you before you before I allow any power to rival America's. It's my duty. :'''Shining Knight''': You don't know what the word means! :'''General Wade Eiling''': You can't win. :'''Shining Knight''': I'll die as befits a knight, defending the weak. ''[falls to his knees]'' :'''General Wade Eiling''': Why don't you give up? :'''Shining Knight''': Why don't ''you?'' :''[General Eiling kicks Shining Knight, then lifts a car]'' :'''General Wade Eiling''': Superman and your Justice League are a threat to a safe and stable world. :''[He turns to crush Shining Knight, only to find several civilians standing protectively around him]'' :'''Old Woman''': Drop the act! You think killing Superman would make the world safe? Or killing this boy? Or us? Tell me - how many of us do you have to kill to keep us safe? :'''General Wade Eiling''': They're the ones I'm after, not you. I'm not the menace, metahumans are. Superpowered beings. :'''Boy''': ''You're'' the only one around here with superpowers. :''[After a tense silence, Eiling drops the car]'' :'''General Wade Eiling''': All right, I've become what I hate, I'll give you that. But in the long run, you'll see I was right. You'll see you need the likes of me to protect you from them! ''[bounds away across the city's buildings]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shining Knight''': Hold. ''[To old woman]'' I have yet to thank you. :'''Old Woman''': No need to thank me, son. You just get better. World still needs protectin', you know. ===''The Great Brain Robbery'' [3.8]=== :'''Lex Luthor''': Brainiac, you're in there. I can almost feel you. Abasing myself before Grodd, then running this unwieldy super-gang. It's all been worth it if I can just free the only piece of you that remains. :'''Tala''': Lex, don't talk to the rock. :'''Lex Luthor''': Stay out of this, witch. It makes no sense. The smallest scrap of Brainiac should be sufficient to reconstitute him. :'''Tala''': Don't worry, darling. I'm sure it will be... :'''Lex Luthor''': Unless Grodd is somehow preventing it. :'''Grodd''': What do you want, Luthor? :'''Lex Luthor''': How do I unlock the Brainiac code? :'''Grodd''': You're a genius, figure it out. :'''Lex Luthor''': Tell me, you leering, manipulative, knuckle dragger, or I'll... :'''Grodd''': Lex, Lex. You can't expect me to give up my only bargaining chip. What's in it for me? :'''Lex Luthor''': When this is over, I'm going to sell your body for dog meat. :'''Grodd''': It must pain you to see me like this, after what we've been to one another. :'''Tala''': My taste in boyfriends has evolved. Wait, Lex.You're the leader now. You don't need to lock horns with him. :'''Lex Luthor''': The only thing that matters now is a speck of information locked somewhere deep inside Grodd's thick skull. :'''Tala''': Yes, okay. So we break his head open and take it. :'''Doctor Polaris''': We don't think you've got what it takes to run the show. You've been acting unbalanced, holed up in that lab, talking to yourself. :'''Sinestro:''' After Grodd tried to turn the world into apes, you can imagine how seriously we take something like that. What are you going to do, make everybody bald? :'''Doctor Polaris''': Maybe it's time for younger, smarter, more aggressive leadership. :'''Lex Luthor''': Really? :'''Doctor Polaris''': Yeah. Why should any of us follow you? :'''Lex Luthor''': Because I'll show you how to make more money in one day than you've made in your entire lives. :'''Green Lantern''': Look, we know Grodd's running some kind of organized group. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash''': Just be careful with my head — it's where I keep all my one-liners. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex-in-Flash''': Beam me out of here, or I'm going to vibrate these fingers and scramble your brains. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash-in-Lex''': ''[looks in a mirror]'' Aaah, that is just wrong! <hr width=50%"/> :''[The Flash (in Lex Luthor's body) walks out of a bathroom stall.]'' :'''[[w:Doctor Polaris|Doctor Polaris]]''': Ahem. :'''Flash-in-Lex''': What? :'''Doctor Polaris''': Are you gonna wash your hands? :'''Flash-in-Lex''': No! 'Cause I'm ''evil!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash-in-Lex''': My fellow bad guys, I, Lex Luthor, your leader, will speak now about my, Lex Luthor's plan. My... villainous, villainous plan. Question the plan at your peril. Uh... Any questions? :'''Angle Man''': We all get a cut, right? :'''Flash-in-Lex''': Watch your step, my evil minion. You presume too much! One of these days, you'll go too far. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Bizarro|Bizarro]]''': ''[Raises his hand]'' Me got answer. :'''Flash-in-Lex''': Ah, excellent. Do enlighten us. :'''Bizarro''': Ever since you plug into monkey's head, you act perfectly sane and rational. Am you Bizarro mommy? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Lex-as-Flash hides in a bathroom in the Watchtower to escape the pursuing League members]'' :'''Luthor-in-Flash''': ''[Panting]'' Lex, you're having a difficult day. ''[Lex looks in the mirror]'' Hmm... If nothing else, I can at least learn the Flash's secret identity. ''[Unmasks and looks in the mirror, then frowns]'' I have no idea who this is. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Tala (comics)|Tala]]''': Just rest in here. :''[pulls "Lex" into a closet]'' :'''Flash-in-Lex''': Hey - that's not restful. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash-in-Lex''': Me, the Flash? You've, like, totally lost it, Grodd. I'm Lex Luthor! :'''Grodd''': And I'm [[w:Charlton Heston|Charlton Heston]]. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grodd''': Ah, Tala, my old groupie. I so miss bending you to my will. :'''Tala''': Go eat a banana. Lex is my man now. ''[Leaves with Lex]'' :'''Grodd''': If you say so. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash-in-Lex''': You, [[w:Evil Star|evil-head guy]]! What's your part in this plan? :'''Evil Star:''' I'm not in the plan. :'''Flash-in-Lex''': ''[pause]'' Exactly! Pop quiz! Everyone tell me his or her part in the plan. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash-in-Lex''': Lex Luthor is pleased. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex-in-Flash''': Attention! The man you think is Luthor is actually a Justice Leaguer disguised as me. Repeat: he is not Luthor. :'''Flash-in-Lex''': ...I, Lex Luthor, find that preposterous. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mr. Terrific''': Dr. Fate, your patient just anesthetized himself. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash''': Guys! I was starting to think I was going to go out as the bottom of a supervillain dog pile! :'''Green Lantern''': It ''sounds'' like Wally, but is there any way to be sure? :'''Flash''': You want proof? Until he went off into the Marines, GL's nickname was- :'''Green Lantern''': Stop! It's him. Man, you promised never to repeat that story! :'''Flash''': I know, I was just messing with your head. :'''[[w:Mister Terrific (comics)|Mister Terrific]]''': Well, can you tell us anything about Grodd's Secret Society? Where's the headquarters? :'''Flash''': I don't know. [[w:Legion of Doom (comics)|In a swamp?]] <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tala''': Lex? Is that really you? :'''Lex Luthor''': Of course it's me, you twit. :'''Tala''': ''[Disappointed]'' Ooh. ===''Grudge Match'' [3.9]=== :'''Roulette''': Lex, darling. I'm having some serious financial problems, and I'm afraid you're to blame. :'''Lex Luthor''': Well, don't look at me to bail you out, Roulette. I'm the one who skims you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Roulette''': You're playing with fire, witch! :'''Tala''': Who's playing? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Roulette''': The new Meta-Brawl! All girl fights, all the time! We'll call it "The Glamor Slam" or "The Belles of the Brawl"! :'''Sonar''': "Chickapalooza"! <hr width="50%"/> :[''Huntress is watching Black Canary while talking on a cell phone with The Question, who is searching a cold storage area]'' :'''Huntress''': I'm telling you Q, Canary's totally off her game. Think she's moonlighting? Maybe she's stepping out on Green Arrow... :'''The Question''': The deeper mystery here is why do you even ''care?'' Isn't this the woman who beat the snot out of you a few months back? :'''Huntress''': She got a lucky shot in! Okay, five or six lucky shots. Anyway, that's not the poin- :'''The Question''': ''[takes the lid off of a container]'' Aha! As I suspected - [[w: Baskin-Robbins|thirty-''two'' flavors]]. :'''Huntress''': There's something wrong here, Q, I can feel it. :'''The Question''': ''I'm'' the conspiracy theorist, and even ''I'' don't see anything. :'''Huntress''': ''[pauses; sighs]'' So... what are you wearing? :'''The Question''': Blue overcoat. [[w:Fedora (hat)|Fedora]]. :'''Huntress''': ''[scoffs]'' You really stink at this. :'''The Question''': ...Orange socks? :''[Huntress hangs up]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Huntress''': You sure you're okay? :'''Black Canary''': Worried? :'''Huntress''': Curious. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Roulette''': Let the pain begin! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Huntress''': They've had you up every night working the arena. No wonder you've been fighting like a girl. ''[pause]'' You know what I mean. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Roulette''': Of course, you two aren't under my control any longer, which means I'm going to have to eliminate you. In the ring, of course. Why just shoot you when I can sell tickets and lay odds? :'''Huntress''': You're scum. :'''Roulette''': No, no, my dear. I'm an entrepreneur. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Roulette''': Huntress and Black Canary versus two new contenders! Vixen, the beauty with the beast powers, and the Thanagar thrasher... Hawkgirl! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Vixen''': I don't want to hurt you, Shayera. :'''Shayera Hol''': But I wanna hurt you! :'''Vixen''': Just when we were starting to get along. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Huntress''': Looks like we're in this together. :'''Black Canary''': If you call me "girlfriend", I'm gonna dropkick you into the next county. :'''Huntress''': Now, don't go all sentimental on me. <hr width="50%"/> :[''Vixen pulls the League communicator out of Shayera's ear, freeing her from Roulette's mind control]'' :'''Shayera Hol''': I don't think I want to know... :'''Vixen''': We're in a cage match fighting to the death! :'''Shayera Hol''': Yeah, see? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Roulette''': Yes, that's really Wonder Woman, ladies and gentlemen! It is on! Can even these four beautiful bruisers stand up to the Amazon powerhouse herself? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Vixen''': Anybody got a plan? :'''Shayera Hol''': Yeah, try to stay alive. :'''Huntress''': Anybody got a good plan? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sonar''': In another thirty seconds your brains will be so scrambled I'll be able to serve 'em up with bacon. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Huntress''': Do I kill the signal or you? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Black Canary''': You know, if you want, I can talk to the League and get you back in. :'''Huntress''': Nah, I do fine on my own. :''[silence]'' :'''Black Canary''': Thank you, Helena. If you hadn't... :'''Huntress''': You would have done the same. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Huntress''': You know, I was totally whipping your butt back when they caught us. :'''Black Canary''': Pff. In your dreams! :'''Huntress''': Like I'd waste my dreams on you... ===''Far From Home'' [3.10]=== :'''Bouncing Boy''': This stinks, Brainy. I hate running from a fight. :'''Brainiac 5''': They'll never look for us here. That gives us a chance to counterattack. :'''Bouncing Boy''': Attack how? There's only the two of us left. :'''Brainiac 5''': Yes, I've been giving that problem some thought. :'''[[w:Bouncing Boy|Bouncing Boy]]''': Oh, no. I know [[w:Brainiac 5|you]]'re a level 12 mega-genius, but you are seriously out of your mind. :'''Brainiac 5''': There's no other option. All of our teammates have been captured. To save them, we'll have to break the laws of time and recruit heroes from the past. :'''Bouncing Boy''': But messing with history? That's risky, even for us. :'''Brainiac 5''': Incomplete records from the 21st century show that three members of the legendary Justice League once came to the future. My research indicates now is that time. :'''Bouncing Boy''': I did my homework too, Brainy. The histories say three heroes came to the future. :'''Brainiac 5''': But only two of them ever made it home. :'''Green Lantern''': You ready, Supergirl? :'''Supergirl''': Dude, I was born ready. That tickles. I'll take that, thanks. Whoa! So Queen Bee and Doctor Cyber? Not much of a workout. :'''Green Lantern''': Hear that, Ollie? Kara thinks it's too easy. :'''Green Arrow''': Well, we wouldn't want her to get bored. :'''Supergirl''': Aah! I hate you. Ha! :'''Green Arrow''': Some kid, huh? Today's her 21st birthday, but she'd rather be here practicing than go out with me and Dinah. :'''Superman''': Good for her. :'''Green Arrow''': Hey, at least we wanted to spend some time with her. You ever think about how she must feel? She's always an outsider. :'''Superman''': I know a little bit about that myself, Ollie. :'''Green Arrow''': Just a little. You came to Earth as a baby, grew up here. Kara spent most of her life on a planet with technology hundreds of years ahead of ours. She's gotta feel like she's trapped in the Stone Age. :'''Superman''': I've tried to make her feel at home. :'''Green Arrow''': How? Seems to me you treat her just like another cape. :'''Superman''': I was never happy about Kara going into the family business, but now that she's decided it's what she wants to do, I've tried to step back and let her develop into her own person. I didn't want her living in the shadow of being Superman's cousin. :'''Green Arrow''': This may shock you, but she's proud to be your cousin. She even changed her costume to look more like yours. :'''Superman''': Yes, and I'm very proud. But don't tell her. :'''Green Arrow''': No, that's a job for Superman. :'''Supergirl''': Well? :'''Green Lantern''': Well what? :'''Supergirl''': Aren't you gonna give me notes about all the stuff I screwed up? :'''Green Lantern''': No notes, Kara. I've got nothing left to teach you. :'''Green Arrow''': Not bad, kiddo. You set a new record for this simulation. :'''Superman''': Kara. :'''Brainiac 5''': I'm certain that this must be disorienting for you. My name is... :'''Supergirl''': ''[angrily]'' Brainiac! :'''Brainiac 5''': ''[oblivious]'' That's right, how did you... ''[realizes]'' Uh-oh! :''[Supergirl attacks him]'' :'''Brainiac 5''': Please, calm down. I'm not going to hurt you. :'''Green Arrow''': Whoa, sparky. Let's hear what he has to say. :'''[[w:Brainiac 5|Brainiac 5]]''': Thank you. Yes, I am a Brainiac, but I'm not a machine. I'm organic. The universe-conquering Brainiac you knew is my distant ancestor. Over time he learned to pass down his code biologically. I am Brainiac 5. Think of me as the black sheep of my family, dedicated to doing good to make up for my ancestor's legacy of evil. :'''Green Lantern''': And you demonstrated that by kidnapping us? :'''Bouncing Boy''': We'd have never done it if the situation wasn't so dire. :'''Green Arrow''': Where are we, anyway? :'''Brainiac 5''': Approximately 1000 years into your future, in what you'd call the 31st century. :'''Green Lantern''': Time travel, swell. :'''Bouncing Boy''': It's a real thrill for me to meet you, sir. You're the famous John Stewart, father of... :'''Green Lantern''': You wanna shut up before you create a time paradox? :'''Bouncing Boy''': Sorry. Chuck Taine. Code name: Bouncing Boy. :'''Supergirl''': Why did you bring us here? :'''Brainiac 5''': We're part of a group called the Legion of Super Heroes, a galaxy-spanning force not unlike your Justice League. A team of criminals called the Fatal Five attacked our new headquarters, captured all our teammates. :'''Bouncing Boy''': They must have something big planned to risk taking on the legion. But we can't figure what it is. :'''Brainiac 5''': We needed help, so we sent the Time Bubble to bring back some of Earth's greatest heroes. :'''Supergirl''': But why us? :'''Brainiac 5''': It... it was random, we'd have taken anyone. :'''Green Lantern''': Okay, so how can we help? :'''Supergirl''': Whoa, time out. Just because he's seriously cute, doesn't mean we can trust a Brainiac! :'''Green Arrow''': I'm not getting a bad vibe off the kid. :'''Green Lantern''': ''[to Supergirl]'' And apparently neither are you. "Seriously cute", huh? :'''Bouncing Boy''': The date we pulled her from is exactly when Supergirl vanished from the historical records. Brainy, she's going to die. We have to tell her. :'''Brainiac 5''': No. Telling her could change history. Keep quiet, Chuck. That's an order. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bouncing Boy''': You know, Brainiac, being organic and having a heart - not the same thing. :'''Green Lantern''': We're in. What's next? :'''Brainiac 5''': The lab's this way. The tech is out of date, but we should find enough-- :'''[[w:Emerald Empress|Emerald Empress]]''': A Green Lantern! That's a rare sight in this galaxy these days. :'''[[w:Persuader_(comics)|Persuader]]''': Take a good look! He won't be here long. :'''Supergirl''': ''[Fighting the Fatal Five]'' So what's your power? Super-strength? Speed? :'''Brainiac 5''': I have a 12th level intellect-- :'''Supergirl''': Great, you can knock'em out with your diploma. :'''Brainiac 5''': ''[caught by Supergirl]'' That was unnecessary. My belt protects me from any impact. :'''Supergirl''': Maybe I was just trying to cop a feel. :'''Persuader''': Empress. :'''Emerald Princess''': You'll find the Emerald Eye of Ekron more than a match for your ring. :'''Persuader''': On your feet. :'''Supergirl''': Ohh. What? :'''Brainiac 5''': You've got to free the others. Aah! :'''Emerald Princess''': Forget them. We have the Green Lantern. Let's go. :'''Green Arrow''': What's goin' on? Can you track 'em with those things? :'''Brainiac 5''': Not yet, but I've identified the technology. They're psion receptors. :'''Supergirl''': Hey, that soda machine in the lobby still works. :'''Brainiac 5''': Oh, thanks. :'''Supergirl''': Back on Argo, we used psionic technology for our remote controls. When we lost one, you just had to think at it, and it'd beep. Don't know why we bothered. They were always in the couch cushions. :'''Brainiac 5''': Good idea, but it won't work. The Fatal Five are masking the carrier wave somehow. :'''Supergirl''': ''[To Brainiac 5]'' So, I have to know. Why'd you save me first? :'''Brainiac 5''': My decision was based on pure logic. :'''Green Arrow''': Really? Because Green Lantern's the most powerful. :'''Brainiac 5''': No offense, but I don't think you can follow the reasoning of a 12th-level intellect such as my own. :'''Green Arrow''': Guess not. Hey, Kara, wanna get me one of those drinks? :'''Supergirl''': Oh, sure. :'''Green Arrow''': ''[to Brainiac 5 about Kara]'' Admit it, genius. You're in love with her. :'''Brainiac 5''': Ludicrous, we just met. Moreover, as a Coluan, I'm ruled by intellect, not emotion. :'''Green Arrow''': So in love with her. :'''Brainiac 5''': ''[stops to analyze himself]'' Increased sweat-gland production. Shortness of breath, inability to concentrate. I thought it was guilt, but I am in love. How did you know? :'''Green Arrow''': Just call me Cupid, junior. I never miss. ''[Kara comes in]'' I'm gonna raid this dump, see if I can upgrade my arrows with some future tech. I'll be gone for a long time, so you two are stuck with each other. Alone. For a long time. :'''Tharok''': You had the superior weapons and the advantage of surprise. Explain to me how you failed to capture Brainiac 5. :'''Emerald Princess''': Watch your tone, half-a-man. I'd hardly call capturing a Green Lantern a failure. He's more powerful than a dozen Brainiacs. :'''Tharok''': Perhaps, but that was never part of the plan. :'''Emerald Princess''': You have to learn to improvise, Tharok. We're better armed than ever to strike against the United Planets. After that, the universe will be ours for the taking. :'''Supergirl''': What's that? :'''Brainiac 5''': A legion flight ring. All of us have one. :'''Supergirl''': So does this mean we're going steady? :'''Brainiac 5''': Uh... :'''Supergirl''': Trust me, 1000 years ago, that joke was hilarious. :'''Brainiac 5''': I thought since I couldn't trace the control disk, maybe I could trace the missing Legionnaires' rings. But it was another dead end. :'''Supergirl''': It's a shame our Justice League comm-links don't work here. We could track Green Lantern by his transponder. Come to think of it, we still could if we had a... :'''Brainiac 5 and Supergirl''': Quantum-tunneling RF transponder. :'''Brainiac 5''': Hold that thought. :'''Green Arrow''': Yeah, this looks like it could do some damage. :'''Supergirl''': Get up here. Brainiac's found GL. :'''Brainiac 5''': His signal's coming from this ship. They're headed towards the capital of the United Planets. The Fatal Five's tried to destroy it before. :'''Green Arrow''': And now with GL and the entire legion under their control, they just might succeed. :'''Brainiac 5''': The good news is my personal cruiser runs rings around their ship. We could still beat them there. :'''Supergirl''': Then what? :'''Green Arrow''': We improvise. :'''Supergirl''': Nice ship. :'''Brainiac 5''': It's strictly no-frills, but it's fast. What do you pilot back home? :'''Supergirl''': Usually just a pickup. :'''Brainiac 5''': "A pickup"? Is that a type of star cruiser? :'''Supergirl''': ''[About the Legion Flight ring]'' What's that? :'''Brainiac 5''': The Legion Flight ring, all of us have one. ''[Hands the ring to Supergirl]'' :'''Supergirl''': So does this mean we're going steady? :'''Brainiac 5''': Eeerrr-- :'''Supergirl''': Trust me, a thousand years ago, that joke was hilarious. :'''Supergirl''': Nice ship! :'''Brainiac 5''': It's strictly no frills, but it's fast. What do you pilot back home? :'''Supergirl''': Usually just a pickup. :'''Brainiac 5''': A pickup — is that a type of Starcruiser? :'''Green Arrow''': Yes. Yes it is. :'''Brainiac 5''': We're going into orbit. :'''Supergirl''': And we've got company. You guys get aboard that mothership and shut down the control devices. :'''Green Arrow''': What are you gonna do? :'''Supergirl''': Hold off John and the legion until you snap them back to normal. :'''Brainiac 5''': You won't stand a chance against them. :'''Supergirl''': Maybe, but I'm the only one who does stand a chance of protecting the capital. :'''Brainiac 5''': You can't go because I lo-- Because I lied to you. Kara, I don't even know you, but-- history says you never returned from this battle. :'''Supergirl''': What? :'''Green Arrow''': And you knew that all along? :'''Brainiac 5''': I'm sorry. I had hoped it wouldn't come to this. I wanted to spare her. :'''Supergirl''': There's still a planet full of people down there who need our help. Do your job, and I'm gonna do mine. :'''Brainiac 5''': But-- ''[Supergirl kisses him]'' :'''Supergirl''': In case I don't see you again. :'''Green Arrow''': Hey, genius? Hi. How about puttin' that big brain of yours to work on a plan to get us aboard the mothership? :'''Brainiac 5''': I'll get us in. :'''Green Arrow''': I love the direct approach. :'''Brainiac 5''': The rest of the mission won't be so easy. Let's move. :'''Supergirl''': You can do this, Kara. No biggie, just another practice mission. Ha! Aah! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Breaking into the Fatal Five's HQ]'' :'''Brainiac 5''': Shoot. :'''Green Arrow''': I know. I was hoping they'd be out looking for us. :'''Brainiac 5''': No, shoot! ''[Green Arrow shoots an arrow at the Fatal Five catches Brainiac 5 in mid-air]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': Shoot. I know. I was hoping they'd be out looking for us. :'''Brainiac 5''': No. shoot. :'''Emerald Princess''': Obliterate them. :'''Green Arrow''': Okay, big guy, that's as far as you go. :'''Tharok''': You can't stop Validus with that toy. :'''Green Arrow''': Rusty, I got him right where I want him. :'''Tharok''': No! :'''Supergirl''': John, stop! Fight it. :'''Green Lantern''': Kara. I knew what I was doing, but I couldn't stop. :'''Phantom Girl''': Where are we? :'''Bouncing Boy''': Last thing I remember was... Oh, no. :'''Green Arrow''': Just so you know, the sharp part's on the other end, chief. :'''Persuader''': Believe me, that's coming. :'''Brainiac 5''': Aah! :'''Emerald Princess''': Tear him to bits. Slowly. :'''Phantom Girl''': We wanted to say thanks by making you honorary legionnaires. :'''Green Lantern''': It's very nice, but I already have a ring. :'''Bouncing Boy''': Don't worry about it, GL. You can't keep it anyway. If you took it home, the future technology could pollute the time stream. :'''Supergirl''': I'm keeping mine. I'm not going back. Kara? History says Supergirl never returned from this mission because she decided to stay in the future. :'''Superman''': Whatever abducted them didn't leave any energy signature. Maybe Dr. Fate or Zatanna? Where's Kara? :'''Green Lantern''': She asked us to give you this. :'''Supergirl''': Tell Ma and Pa I love them. And I love you too, Clark. Don't take this the wrong way, but I've found a place where I can make a difference. Where I'm more than just Superman's kid cousin. I... I feel I belong here. Also, I met this boy. :'''Green Arrow''': You should have seen her. She was amazing. :'''Green Lantern''': She's a grown woman now, capable of choosing-- :'''Superman''': Kara's headstrong, but she's always made good decisions. I trust her judgment. But you were right, Ollie. I wish I had told her. :'''Green Arrow''': It's okay, Clark. She knows. :'''Superman''': Now, this boy Kara likes so much, does he have a name? :''[nervous looks from Green Lantern and Green Arrow]'' ===''Ancient History'' [3.11]=== :'''[[w:Gentleman Ghost|Gentleman Ghost]]''': I like it. Very imaginative. But your ring is useless against me, Lantern. :'''Green Lantern''': Then why are you running from it? :''[Gentleman Ghost groans]'' :'''Gentleman Ghost''': Mind the ion drive. That's delicate equipment. :''[Green Lantern grunts]'' :'''Green Lantern''': Right, I took you lightly. I won't make that mistake again. :'''Gentleman Ghost''': I think you might. :''[Green Lantern screaming]'' :''[Green Lantern groans]'' :'''Gentleman Ghost''': If I were to give you another chance, I mean. :''[Gentleman Ghost grunting]'' :'''Hawkman''': He's all yours, GL. The Nth metal in this net-- :'''Green Lantern''': Has properties that interfere with dimensional shifting. I know. :'''Gentleman Ghost''': Next time, Green Lantern, I'll do you proper. :'''Green Lantern''': Quiet down in there. :''[Gentleman Ghost grunting]'' :''[Gentleman Ghost groans]'' :'''Hawkman''': I fought our Gentleman Ghost before. These intangible types can be tricky. :'''Green Lantern''': Uh-huh. :'''Hawkman''': But he didn't stand a chance against the two of us. :'''Green Lantern''': Look, Hawkman, I appreciate the help. Let's leave it at that. :'''Hawkman''': Well, give Shayera my regards. :''[Shayera Hol grunting]'' :'''Vixen''': You might wanna ease up a bit there. Most guys don't really go for the ripped, bulky look. :'''Shayera Hol''': Just trying to maintain my girlish figure. My girlish, girlish figure. And why does it always have to be about the guys, anyway? :'''Vixen''': Honey, it's always about the guys. And since I'll be away on that photo shoot for a week-- :'''Shayera Hol''': Here we go. :'''Vixen''': Well, I’m surprised you haven’t made your move before now. :'''Shayera Hol''': I'm still trying to figure out the right Earth protocol for this situation. It's not like I can assassinate you in your sleep, or poison your water... I miss Thanagar. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Shadow Thief|Shadow Thief]]''': For decades their ever-growing empire was a utopia. But nothing lasts forever. At least, nothing good. <hr width="50%"/> :''[after Ashari cuts a flower off of a tree with a knife]'' :'''Chay-Ara''': You didn't have to do that. I can fly. :'''Bashari''': When we're together, so can I. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hawkman''': You always were good with that thing. :'''Shayera Hol''': Just hit him! :'''Hawkman''': Right! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': Don't say you don't love me. :'''Green Lantern''': I'll never say that. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': Tell me about my son. ===''Alive!'' [3.12]=== :''[At the Legion of Doom's base, Lex Luthor is attempting to reactivate the sole piece of Brainiac. Tala enters approaches him as the computer room is overloading] :'''Tala''': Lex! Stop it! You'll blow us all to pieces! :'''Lex Luthor''': Not now, Woman! Something's happening... It's... [but the stone's energy overloads and destroys the machine, failing to recreated Brainiac] it's... just one more steaming flop! ''[screams in anger and wrecks the control panels with his hands]'' :'''Tala''': Baby... :'''Lex Luthor''': Nothing works! ''[continues wrecking the tools]'' :'''Tala''': Lex, forget bringing back Brainiac. :'''Lex Luthor''': I don't need input from some crystal-gazing parasite! One who's confused a winch's grip on power with the real thing! :'''Tala''': ''[takes the stone]'' This is the real trouble-maker for us. It's pure wild goose chase. Look, I will prove it. I will show you what is in there. :'''Lex Luthor''': Don't be stupid. ''[takes the stone]'' This is science. What good is your sorcery? Unless you plan to turn stone into gold? Or maybe a frog? :'''Tala''': Such ignorance. Transmutation is what you want to do! :'''Lex Luthor''': Transmutation is...''[pauses]'' what are you waiting for? Do it! ''[hands the stone to her]'' :'''Tala''': Okay! :'''Lex Luthor''': Okay! :'''Tala''': ''[performing her Transmutation Sorcery]'' By the slaughter of the innocent, by pestilence and plague, reveal the hidden unto me. ''[she uses her powers to view the stone's origins. She finds nothing]'' There, you see? Just a rock. A worthless piece of... ''[she sees something from it]'' oh. :'''Lex Luthor''': What? :'''Tala''': It's not important. :'''Lex Luthor''': Show me! :''[she uses her magic to give Luthor a vision of the past, when the Brainiac Asteroid was destroyed]'' :'''Brainiac Computer Voice''': Critical system failure in three seconds. Two seconds. One second. ''[the asteroid explodes. Tala, almost unable to keep up with the image, screams as the vision nearly fades]'' :'''Lex Luthor''': No! Keep the image! ''[Tala struggles until Luthor sees enough]'' There is still Brainiac in the universe. :'''Tala''': There is no way to tell where it happened. :'''Lex Luthor''': Wrong. I saw enough of those stars to determine the explosion's coordinates. It should be a simple matter. :'''Tala''': You saw the wild goose again. Concentrate on us, baby. Space is too far. Together, we can rule this world. ''[Luthor pushes her aside]'' Oh! :'''Lex Luthor''': If you like this world so much, keep your fool mouth shut. Then maybe I'll let you keep it. Me? I'm going to be a god again. ''[sometime later, the Society members make changes in their headquarters]'' Speed it up! Sinestro, don't forget the floor. I want radiation shielding from every direction. Rampage... ''[interrupted when Bizarro has trouble with his work]'' ''[annoyed]'' Help Bizarro. ''[to Weather Wizard]'' Don't distort the metal, moron! :'''Weather Wizard''': I don't even know why we're doing this. :''[Luthor pins him next to the hot molten metal in the wall]'' :'''Lex Luthor''': Killer Frost, if Weather Wizard here doesn't shape up, I'm holding you accountable. :'''Killer Frost''': Whatever. :'''Lex Luthor''': Structural integrity is crucial. :'''Killer Frost''': Okay, got it. Jeez. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grodd''': Why is my headquarters moving? Hey, What's going on?! ''[no answer]'' I demand to know what's going on! :'''Tala''': Quiet, Grodd! :'''Grodd''': You! Come to gloat at me again? I'm not some monkey in a zoo, throwing- :'''Tala''': ''[Shushes him]'' Listen, I've been very, ''very'' bad. I picked the wrong pony. It should have been you. :'''Grodd''': Ooh, you've finally sussed it out. That hairless sweetheart of yours isn't a leader. He's a thug. :'''Tala''': And how! I don't like to compete for Lex with a dead computer. I want you to be the man in charge, like before. So, baby, ''[strokes him seductively]'' what do ''you'' want? :'''Grodd''': Why, only you, my dear. And Luthor's fat head on a plate! ''[Tala smiles]'' :''[the Society members are in their working places as Toyman is navigating]'' :'''Atomic Skull''': That's one Mother of a laser show. :'''Lex Luthor''': Toyman? :'''Toyman''': We should be reaching the Brainiac Remnants soon. By the way, thank you for making me your navigator, Luthor. I've aways loved learning a new controller. :'''Lex Luthor''': Just keep us on course. The slightest error and we're dead. :''[suddenly, Grodd breaks through with a laser cannon]'' :'''Grodd''': I wouldn't worry about it, neanderthal. The way I see it, You're dead either way. ''[Approaches Luthor along with the villains who follow him]'' I'd like to complete this transaction with as little blood shed as possible, Lex. Now, put your hands up and have Toyman turn us around. :''Tala'': Don't look at him, big boy. Grodd is leader. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Giganta grabs Grodd]'' :'''Grodd''': Giganta, you're out of jail! How's your head? :'''Giganta''': Pretty good, considering you tried to '''''fry my brain'''''! ''[begins to squeeze Grodd]'' :'''Tala''': Don't get grabby, Thunderthighs! Grodd is ''mine'' now! ''[Blasts Giganta]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Killer Frost''': ''[Prepares to freeze Toyman]'' One creep-cicle coming up! ''[Toyman headbutts her and runs away]'' You are ''so'' annoying! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tala''': Trapped like a rat. It's very weird. You have never had so much fun when we were together. [''Tala fires a magic spell at Luthor, but it bounces back and knocks her unconscious. He pulls an amulet from under his shirt''] :'''Lex Luthor''': You wouldn't ''believe'' what this cost me. :''[scene shifts to Toyman, who is walking the stair with a deadly Yo-Yo in his hand as Killer Frost approaches him surfing in a ice wave]'' :'''Toyman''': Around the world... [''wipes Frost's ice construct with his Yo-yo, knocking her in the ground''] Rock the crater... ''[Frost creates an ice wall to protect herself, but Toyman uses his yo-yo to break it through and knock her unconscious]'' Sleeper. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grodd''': Give up, Lex! You're only delaying the inevitable. :'''Lex Luthor''': You're right. :'''Grodd''': ''[shoots a blast of his gun at Luthor, who deflects with his gloves]'' If it's all the same to you, I'd rather snap your neck with my bare hands. ''[Luthor tries to attack him, but Grodd counters and singlehandedly beats him up again and again]'' You know, this mutiny was easy. The Secret Society hates you. :'''Lex Luthor''': Like they ''love'' you! ''[runs towards Grodd, who knocks him away with a kick]'' Idiotic simian. Half-baked objectivist. :'''Grodd''': ''[grabs Luthor]'' You're ill-equipped to lead, Lex. :'''Lex Luthor''': ''[choking]'' A lower primate masquerading as an intellectual. :'''Grodd''': I'm the more accomplished, both physically and mentally. ''[uses telepathy on Luthor, who overrides it with his power-belt and puts Grodd under his control]'' :'''Lex Luthor''': Took you long enough. I was beginning to think I'd figured you wrong. Now bow down to me. ''[Grodd struggles not to, but does so]'' Who is master here? :'''Grodd''': ''[weakly]'' You... are... :'''Lex Luthor''': Get up. ''[Grodd obeys]'' Take six steps forward. ''[Grodd does so and opens the door in front of him]'' Get in. ''[Grodd does so again and Luthor closes the door and deactivates his power-belt]'' :'''Grodd''': ''[trying to break through the door in anger]'' I should have let you rot in jail! :'''Lex Luthor''': Goodbye, Grodd. It could have gone the other way. :'''Grodd''': It really could have, couldn't it? :'''Lex Luthor''': No... But why speak ill of the dead? ''[punches a button and opens airlock]'' :'''Grodd''': You twisted little pink rat-hole of a hominid, I'm not done with you! I'll get out of this, and when I do...! :''[Grodd is sucked out of his headquarters to his death]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Lex Luthor's team has beaten Grodd's rebels]'' :'''Lex Luthor''': Can ''any'' of you give me one good reason to let you live? ''[Killer Frost steps forward from the rebels, then freezes her comrades without a word]'' Killer Frost... you've got a future. Get rid of the rest. :'''Killer Frost''': You got it. :'''Toyman''': We're here. :''[the headquarters reaches Brainiac's coordinates]'' :'''Tala''': ''[To Luthor]'' Darling, Grodd must have used mind-control!... Okay, maybe not. But baby, you don't ever doubt that I love you, correct? I-, I-, I know I did something bad, I'm a sick person. You don't know what it's like to be me. :'''Lex Luthor''': Don't be afraid, darling. You still have a big role in my plan. In fact... I can't do this without you. ''[Volcana knocks Tala out, then, she wakes up being used as a mystical conduit to reassemble Brainiac.]'' I used to think magic was unknowable, unpredictable, and not to be trusted. You've taught me so much, Tala. Even my wealth of scientific knowledge would never have been up to this task. You will be the mystic conduit that will siphon Brainiac's essence from the debris. I'll be able to reconstitute him from that energy. But I doubt you'll see it. :'''Tala''': You planned this all along! Even before I-- :'''Lex Luthor''': I'm a sick person too. :'''Toyman''': Luthor, the collection panels are in place. :'''Tala''': ''[panicked]'' Lex! Please! I beg you! :'''Lex Luthor''': Hold that thought. ''[to Toyman]'' Do it. ''[Toyman is about to obey, but time stops]'' I said do it! :'''[[w:Metron (character)|Metron]]''': ''[appearing behind Luthor]'' He cannot hear you, Lex Luthor. Time has stopped. We exist between two ticks of the clock. In my travels through the myriad paths of infinity, I have seen the first and the last. But what you do today threatens the entire universe. Past, Present and Future. :'''Lex Luthor''': I should hope it does. Look, I didn't catch the name. :'''Metron''': Metron. Scientist and chronicler. :'''Lex Luthor''': Well, Metron, I'll soon be ready for anything the universe can throw at me. I'm about to become a god. :'''Metron''': You don't know what a god is. Or what you are unleashing. :'''Lex Luthor''': "Tampering with forces beyond my ken", and so forth? Nice try. Look, if you want my power, make your move, otherwise you can get lost. :'''Metron''': You will regret your decision. We all will. ''[Metron disappears as time turns back to normal]'' :'''Toyman''': Twinkle, twinkle, [[w:Brainiac (comics)|Brainiac]], Tala's gonna bring you back! ''[activates the machine]'' :'''Tala''': ''[last words]'' Lex! Lex! Lex! :'''Lex Luthor''': Brainiac! I'm coming! ''[the machine drains Tala's energy until it creates a mysterious figure which appears with the smoke]'' People, meet your new lord and master! :''[He becomes shocked as, instead of Brainiac, the figure is revealed to be [[Darkseid]], who is now fused with Brainiac and given a new look]'' :'''Darkseid''': It seems I have you to thank for my resurrection. Though your world will suffer slowly, I grant you a quick death. :''[Darkseid uses his power to destroy the base. Scene shifts to Apokolips, where factions of the Apokoliptans are having a civil war]'' :'''Stick''': That rodent, Vundabar, thinks he can rule Apokolips in Darkseid's stead. We'll be the ones who deliver his pestilent corpse to Granny Goodness. ''[the two sides begin the battle, but before they can, Darkseid emerges and all bow to him]'' Welcome home, oh, mighty Darkseid. :'''Darkseid''': Arise, my children. Let this meaningless battle for control end today. :'''Sting''': Of course, my Lord. We had thought ourselves bereft forever. :'''Darkseid''': Only the slimmest of chances has allowed me to overcome my death at the hands of Superman. But let the universe howl in despair, for I have returned! ''[The Apokoliptan armies cheer triumphantly]'' :'''Stick''': What is your will, my lord? :'''Darkseid''': As ever, to search for the Anti-Life Equation, that I might bring order to this aimless universe. But first, Superman must suffer for killing me. His adopted world will die screaming. Only then will I seek the ultimate end. :'''Kanto''': Forgive me, lord, but to attack Earth would violate your pact with Highfather. New Genesis would doubtless retaliate. :'''Darkseid''': ''[smiles]'' Where do you think I'm going next? :''[scene shifts to the Watchtower as a Watchtower employee runs desperately into the room where Superman and the League are]'' :'''Employee''': Superman! You better get outside quick! :''[The League goes outside and confronts Luthor and the remaining members of the Legion of Doom]'' :'''Lex Luthor''': We have a little problem... ===''Destroyer'' [3.13]=== :'''Superman''': Let's say, just for the sake of argument, that I believe a single word of your story. How did you survive the explosion? :'''Lex Luthor''': By the skin of my teeth. But stranded more than a power ring's charge from home, we found ourselves dependent on the kindness of strangers. A resident of the nearby planet, New Genesis, drawn by our ship's explosion, offered his help. We accepted, of course. :'''Superman''': You've got some nerve coming to us for help. :'''Lex Luthor''': Darkseid took Brainiac away from me. I can't hear his voice in my head anymore! :'''Giganta''': Enough of the crazy talk, Lex. Darkseid said he was coming to Earth to destroy it. You guys are supposed to keep that from happening. :'''Green Lantern''': We'll do just that, lady. Thanks for the heads up. :'''Atomic Skull''': And what about us? :'''Wonder Woman''': You're all going into holding cells. :'''Atomic Skull''': You think so? Ain't no way we're giving up without a... :'''Mr. Terrific''': Watchtower to Metro Tower. We've got a situation. :'''Superman''': What's going on up there? :'''Mister Terrific''': Multiple hyperspatial incursions. But they're planetside. I'm sending telemetry. :'''Batman''': Boom tubes. :'''Superman''': He's right. Can you hear it? Like thunder. :'''Mister Terrific''': Attention all Justice League personnel, this is an omega-level threat. :'''Blue Devil''': Get to the Javelins. :'''Shayera-Hol''': No time. All members prepare for emergency teleport. Send us first. Give the others a chance to get their pants on. :'''Mr. Terrific''': You got it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': Okay, let's get these people locked up. Sounds like we've got a fight on our hands. :'''Giganta''': If you think you're locking us up while the whole world's under attack, you've got ''two'' fights on your hands. :'''Batman''': She's got a point. We'll need all the bodies we can throw at this. :'''Superman''': Oh, come on! It's Lex flippin' Luthor! Why should we trust him?! :'''[[w:Atomic Skull|Atomic Skull]]''': Hey, it's our world too! :'''Lex Luthor''': Let's be clear about this. We're not here to help you save the world. You're here to help me get revenge on Darkseid. When this is over, it's back to business as usual. :'''Superman''': ''[glares at Lex]'' Wouldn't have it any other way. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Search through the telemetry on the attack groups; find the best-protected mother ship. That's where Darkseid will be. :'''Superman''': And that's where I want to go. :'''Mr. Terrific''': I imagine so— it's in Metropolis, hovering over the Daily Planet. Stand by. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex Luthor''': Was there a plan here? :'''Batman''': Take out the small fries until we attract the big fish's attention. :'''Lex Luthor''': Ha! With everything going on, I bet he never notices us! :[''[[w:Darkseid|Darkseid]] appears''] :'''Batman''': You're on. :'''Superman''': I'll take some of that action. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Darkseid''': I hope you appreciate, Kal-El, that everything that happens from this point is on your head. The skies will rain fire, the oceans will boil, the streets will run red with the blood of billions. Only then, after your last pitiful hope is extinguished, will I end your life. Let's go. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex Luthor''': You destroyed Brainiac! I'm gonna make you pay! :'''Darkseid''': Unlikely. ''[blows Luthor away]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Darkseid''': I'm more powerful than I've ever been, and the last time we met, you barely managed to hold your own. :'''Superman''': Funny. That's not how I remember it. :'''Darkseid''': Allow me to refresh your memory. ''[Darkseid picks up the Daily Planet globe and uses it to slam Superman through every floor of the building]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Lantern''': We gotta find a way to take this out for good! :'''Flash''': Why don't you just throw it into the sun? ''[pauses and stares at Green Lantern]'' Yeah, I guess that's a pretty stupid idea. :'''Green Lantern''': No, maybe you're on to something. But I'll need more leverage. And a trench! :'''Flash''': On it! ''[he runs around and around in a circle, creating a trench around the drill]'' Now what? ''[Green Lantern creates a catapult with his ring]'' Aw, cool! ''[Green Lantern flings the drill]'' :'''Green Lantern''': Doesn't look like it ''quite'' made escape velocity. ''[The drill hits a ship, which explodes]'' :'''Flash''': Good effort, though. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Darkseid''': Don't leave us yet, Kal-El. I want you to see your adopted homeworld bow down before me. Only then will I allow you death's sweet release. Agh! Parademons. Dispose of these annoyances. :'''Superman''': 'Scuse me. :'''Darkseid''': Flea. ''[Batman dodges Darkseid's Omega Beam and it hits a Parademon]'' Impressive. No one has ever avoided my Omega Beam. I wonder if the other one is as agile. ''[Powers up his Omega Beams; Lex Luthor runs away]'' Excellent strategy. :'''Superman''': Luthor! :'''Darkseid''': You friends have abandoned you, or fallen before my might. Super or otherwise, you're merely a man. And I, am a god. You still try to fight. Can't you see that it's hopeless? :'''Superman''': That man won't quit as long as he can still draw a breath. None of my teammates will. Me? I've got a different problem. I feel like I live in a world made of, cardboard. Always taking constant care not to break something, to break someone. Never allowing myself to lose control. Even for a moment, or someone could die. But you can take it, can't you, big man? What we have here is a rare opportunity for me to cut loose. And show you just how powerful I really am. Had enough? :'''Darkseid''': Not quite yet. It's called the Agony Matrix. Direct neural stimulation of pain receptors. All of them. Imagine the worst pain you've ever felt in your life. Times a thousand. Now imagine that pain continuing. Forever. Oh, that's right. You don't have to imagine. Still alive? You impress me, Kryptonian. More... Your valor has touched my heart. Oh yes. There is still some small part of me that knows mercy. I will end your pain... with something special I've been saving for just this occasion. ''[Darkseid draws a [[W:Kryptonite|Kryptonite]] knife]'' I'm going to carve out your heart and put it on a pike in my throne room. :''[Lex Luthor appears in a business suit]'' :'''Lex Luthor''': As much as I'd enjoy seeing that, first you've got some business with me. Sorry it took me so long. I had to go get my power-suit. :'''Darkseid''': You would dare challenge me? Insanity! :'''Lex Luthor''': Oh, I'm not here to challenge you, Darkseid. Quite the contrary. I've got something you want. The only thing you want. :''[Luthor holds up his hand, revealing a dazzling shard of energy]'' :'''Darkseid''': ''[astonished]'' The Anti-Life Equation! :'''Lex Luthor''': My gift to you. :'''Superman''': Lex, don't! :'''Batman''': It's too late. :'''Darkseid''': It's beautiful, isn't it? :'''Lex Luthor''': Yes, yes it is. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': Get away from here! It's not safe! :'''Elderly Chinese Man''': Don't worry. I'm here to help. :'''Wonder Woman''': I appreciate your inten- ''[Sees the old man easily defeating Parademons]'' Hera! ''[The man suddenly changes into a Chinese dragon, defeating more Parademons. He then changes again, becoming the Martian Manhunter.]'' J'onn! ''[hugs him]'' :'''Martian Manhunter''': Good to see you, Diana. I've got a lot to tell you about. :'''Wonder Woman''': We'll catch up later. :'''Martian Manhunter''': Wouldn't miss it. First things first... :''[The team flies off towards one of Darkseid's magma towers]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex Luthor''': Problem? :'''Batman''': I'm out. :'''Lex Luthor''': ''[holds up his gun]'' Take my extra. :'''Batman''': Not my style. :'''Lex Luthor:''' Suit yourself. I'm planning to live through this. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex Luthor''': You! Metron! You knew this was going to happen! :'''[[W:Metron (comics)|Metron]]''': This outcome ''was'' the most likely possible result of your foolhardy actions. :'''Lex Luthor''': You can help me! I ''demand'' that you help me! :'''Metron''': You are in no position to make demands of anyone. I warned you that you were dabbling in forces beyond your comprehension. :'''Lex Luthor''': You'd be surprised what I can comprehend! For instance, if you know so much about Darkseid, I'll wager you know how to beat him! :'''Metron''': There is one possibility. One thing in all the universe that ''might''... but no. The risk... :'''Lex Luthor''': I know a little something about risk myself. ''[aims his pistol at Metron]'' Care for an object lesson? :'''Metron''': Very well. I will take you where you want to go. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Darkseid''': You still try to fight. Can't you see that it's hopeless? :'''Superman''': ''[Pins Darkseid against a wall]'' Batman won't quit so long as he can draw breath. ''None'' of my teammates will. Me? I've got a ''different'' problem. ''[Punches Darkseid through the wall]'' '''I feel like I live in a world made of ''cardboard''. ''Always'' taking care not to break something, to break some''one''. ''Never'' allowing myself to lose control, even for a moment, or someone could die.''' ''[Punches Darkseid again]'' But you can take it, can't you, big man? What we have here is a rare opportunity for me to ''cut loose'', and show you '''''just how powerful I really am'''''. ''[Punches Darkseid across the city with a single blow]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Metron''': Behold the [[w:Source Wall|Source Wall]]. Beyond it is the single greatest secret of the universe. This is as far as I dare to go. I warn you one final time: only a 12th level intellect has the slightest hope of surviving what you are about to experience. :'''Lex Luthor''': Then I'm overqualified. <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Lex Luthor and Darkseid vanish through the Anti-Life Equation]'' :'''Sroya Bashir''': This has been the scene all over the world. In the wake of Darkseid's defeat, his attacking forces have withdrawn presumably back to wherever it is they came from. :'''Superman''': Thanks to Luthor, of all people. :'''Martian Manhunter''': In many ways, Lex Luthor represents the worst of what mankind has to offer. :'''Superman''': But he died saving us all. :'''Batman''': I doubt that either of them died. :'''Superman''': But we saw it this time! :'''Flash''': You saw it last time too. :'''Green Lantern''': What's that old saying? "Believe half of what you see..." :'''Shayera Hol''': "...and none of what you hear." They'll be back. :'''Martian Manhunter''': And we'll be ready for them. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': Meanwhile, it's past time that Luthor's partners in crime were locked up. :'''Atomic Skull''': Wait a minute – we help you guys save the world, and we don't even get any consideration? :''[Batman looks at Superman, who shrugs]'' :'''Batman''': You're right. Five-minute head start. :'''Atomic Skull''': Five minutes? Are you kidding?! :'''Wonder Woman''': Four minutes, fifty seconds. :''[The villains promptly flee; Giganta gives the surprised Flash a kiss on the cheek before joining the others]'' :'''Giganta''': Mwah. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Last lines of the series]'' :'''Martian Manhunter''': ''[on the cell phone to his wife]'' I should be back in time to dinner. I love you too. :'''Flash''': These are the end times. :'''Superman''': ''[to Batman]'' A head start? You're getting soft in your old age. :'''Batman''': ''[smiling]'' Don't you have a tall building to go leap? :'''Wonder Woman''': And the adventure continues. ''[The entire Justice League runs down the stairs, chasing the villains, each of the Justice League is split into sections, ending with the originals and Batman's emblem filling the screen]'' ==External links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:2000s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:American sequel TV shows]] [[Category:Animated Batman TV shows]] [[Category:Animated Justice League TV shows]] [[Category:Animated Superman TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated science fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated superhero TV shows]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Cartoon Network shows]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Crime TV shows]] [[Category:Animated television programs based on DC Comics]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:Television series by Warner Bros. Animation]] qa5el6mu49g6eb3ro5z6i70j0sq8fj4 3778751 3778747 2025-07-14T16:21:55Z 2A02:2F01:6319:4600:CD8C:8F4A:DC68:E839 /* Chaos At The Earth's Core [3.3] */ 3778751 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''{{w|Justice League Unlimited}}''' (JLU) is an American animated television series that was produced by Warner Bros. Animation and aired on Cartoon Network. Featuring a wide array of superheroes from the DC Comics universe, and specifically based on the Justice League superhero team, it is a direct sequel to the previous Justice League animated series. ==Season 1== ===''Initiation'' [1.1]=== :'''Green Arrow''': Well, well, the great and glorious Green Lantern. What, did you run out of alien menaces to beat on, you have to horn in on my turf? :'''Green Lantern''': You're welcome. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': Each of you brings something different to the table. Strength. Speed. Stealth. Whatever. But we're all equal in at least one way: Each of us is willing to make the sacrifices a hero needs to make, even the ultimate one. Since there are so many of us, we have a chance to do more than just put out fires, both literal and figurative. We can be proactive. We can do some real good in the world. But we're going to have to be organized. J'onn'll be up here keeping an eye on everything. He'll be the one to decide whose going where and when. I know a lot of you are used to making those decisions for yourself, but from now on we have to be more coordinated than that. We can't be cowboys any more... or cowgirls. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Green Arrow|Green Arrow]]''': C'mon, I don't belong up here, fighting monsters and aliens and supervillains. I just help the little guy. And a big club like this, you tend to forget all about him. So gee whiz, I'm flattered to be asked and all. But NO THANKS. :'''Batman''': Suit yourself... ''[starts to walk away, then turns back]'' Those monsters you don't fight? They tend to STEP on little guys. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': Is that a ''Containment'' suit? :'''[[w:Captain Atom|Captain Atom]]''': Uh-huh. I'm not flesh and blood anymore, just living energy. :'''Green Arrow''': That wouldn't be NUCLEAR energy, would it? :'''Captain Atom''': With a name like Captain Atom, what do you think? :'''Green Arrow''': ''I'' think you're what I marched against back in college. <hr width="50%"> :'''[[w:Supergirl|Supergirl]]''': Why don't you take the stick out, Corporal? :'''Captain Atom''': Captain. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Supergirl''': He asked you a question! :'''General Kwan''': Don't answer him! That's classified inform- :'''Supergirl''': ''[picks him up]'' I've just about ''had'' it with you guys! You've got 'til the count of five. One... FOUR... ''[her eyes start to glow]'' :'''Captain Atom''': I'd speak up if I were you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': So what's the plan? :'''[[w:Captain Atom|Captain Atom]]''': I shove these carbon rods in the robots reactor, that should stop it. :'''Green Arrow''': I gotta say that's not much of a plan, if you get that close the heat will fry you. :'''Captain Atom''': I know. :'''Green Arrow''': But.. :'''Captain Atom''': If this doesn't work, contact the League, they'll know what to do next. :'''Green Arrow''': Captain. :''[Green Arrow shakes hands with Captain Atom]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Supergirl''': So, aren't you gonna give me the "you did good" speech? :'''Green Lantern''': You're headstrong, unprofessional and reckless. If you ever jeopardize yourself or your teammates again by running off half-cocked without a battle plan, I will personally see to it that you are kicked out of the League, I don't care who your cousin is. ''[He turns and begins to leave]'' And incidentally, you did good. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Showers/locker room area]'' :'''Batman''': Well, if it isn't the monster-killer. :'''Green Arrow''': I was lucky. So was everybody else. Still don't think I belong up here. :'''Batman''': That's the point. Someone like you will keep us honest. :'''Green Arrow''': Gee, Bats, I don't know. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a good radiation burn as much as the next guy, but I don't think... :''[Loses his train of thought as he sees Black Canary across the room, pulling up her boots.]'' :'''Batman''': So...see you soon? :'''Green Arrow''': You just might. ===''For The Man Who Has Everything'' [1.2]=== :''[Getting Superman a gift.]'' :'''Batman''': What'd you get him? :'''Wonder Woman''': I'm not saying anything ''[whispering]'' He'll hear, and spoil the surprise. :'''Batman''': He can hear that, too. :'''Wonder Woman''': How about you? :'''Batman''': He's not the easiest person in the world to buy birthday presents for. ''[holds up an envelope]'' :'''Wonder Woman''': Bruce... you didn't get him a gift certificate? :'''Batman''': ''[offended]'' No! ...cash. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Mongul! :'''Mongul''': You recognize me! I'm flattered. I suppose Superman told you all about our previous encounter. :'''Batman''': You mean how he humiliated you? :'''Mongul''': A... jaundiced account. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mongul''': The Black Mercy is a telepathic species. It reads the heart's desire and feeds the individual a totally convincing simulation of it. :'''Batman''': So he's dreaming. :'''Mongul''': Oh, far deeper than any dream. I wonder where he thinks he is. Sitting on a throne, ruling the universe. All you human garbage fawning at his feet. More honest, don't you think? Than this pretense of being a selfless hero. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mongul''': You don't understand. He was the only obstacle in my way. The rest of you... are already dead. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mongul''': Oh, dear. Is that a neural impactor? I didn't know that they were still making those. I'd advise you to try the plasma disruptor. It's more of a woman's weapon. :'''Wonder Woman''': Go to- ''[fires]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': He'll kill her, Clark. And then he'll kill us all! Shake it off! Come back to us! Please.. <hr width="50%"/> :''[On Krypton; Kal-El is with his son Van-El on the roof of his father's lab, as Van looks through a telescope]'' :'''Van-El''': Dad! ''[The ground shakes]'' Dad? You've gotta look at thi- ''[Sees Kal-El's troubled expression]'' What's...what's the matter? Why are you - :'''Kal-El''': Van, when you were born, it was the happiest day of my life. When I first saw your beautiful little face, your tiny fingers squeezed my hand so tight, like you never wanted to let go. I've watched every step, every struggle...I-I've... but, Van...''[eyes begin to water]'' oh, Rao help me... but I don't think you're real. I don't think any of this is-is real.. :'''Van-El''': Don't say that, Daddy...please, you're scaring me... ''[hugs his father]'' :'''Kal-El''': No, no, I don't want to scare you, Van. You are everything I ever wanted in a son. This...this is everything I ever wanted in a life. But I've got responsibilities, Van, and I...have to...go now... :''[Hugs his son as Krypton begins to tear itself apart, and kisses him on the forehead]'' :'''Van-El''': ''[Tearful]'' Daddy... :'''Kal-El''': I promise you... I'll never forget. :''[Krypton explodes]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': Do you have any idea what you did to me?! :'''Mongul''': I fashioned a prison that you couldn't leave without sacrificing your heart's desire. It must have been like tearing off your own arm. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mongul''': Happy birthday, Kryptonian. I give you... ''oblivion''. :'''Superman''': '''''BURN'''!'' ''[ignites Mongul with heat vision]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mongul''': You know, for a moment there, I almost believed you were going to kill me. How stupid of you to hesitate like that. Not a mistake I'll make, I can assure you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mongul''': You should have stayed in whatever happy fantasy the Black Mercy granted you. :'''Superman''': HAPPY??! Do you know what I've lost?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mongul is ensnared by the Black Mercy]'' :'''Wonder Woman''': I wonder what he's seeing. :'''Batman''': Whatever it is, it's too good for him. :''[The camera draw closer to Mongul's beaten face, who's trying to give a small, satisfied smile while low sounds of screams and explosions are heard in background]'' ===''Kid Stuff'' [1.3]=== :''[All the adults have been banished from the Earth, courtesy of Mordred.]'' :'''Mordred''': This better be worth it, mother. I mean it. :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': If the legends are true, it will be. :'''Mordred''': You've been saying stuff like that for, like, centuries. Nothing ever changes. :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': Everything's changed. Except you, Mordred. And that's because I want you to still be young when I give you your kingdom. :'''Mordred''': I want to be king now! 'What's this thing?' 'Another stupid charm?' :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': It's the amulet of first magic. The source of all Earthly sorcery. :'''Mordred''': Hmm. Shiny. :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': Be ready, Mordred. :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': At last. Mordred, give that to me. :'''Mordred''': Why should I? :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': Silly child, you're not... :'''Mordred''': Not what? Ready? Or big enough or old enough? 'None of that matters, mother.' 'Cause now, I'm strong enough. :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': Mordred! :'''[Morgaine Le Fay gasps]''' :'''Mordred''': I'll have my kingdom and without anyone telling me what to do. I never want to see you or anyone older than me ever again. :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': No! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Blockbuster''': Pound their heads! :'''Superman''': Pound your own. :'''Copperhead''': I won't go down easy. :'''Green Lantern''': Sure, you will. Guess that's a wrap. Sorry. Been hanging out with Flash too much. :'''Copperhead''': It was Judgment Day! And we got sent to [[w:Hell|the bad place]]! THE BAD PLACE! :'''Cheetah''': ''[slaps him]'' Snap out of it, Copper. :'''Green Lantern''': Yeah, calm down. We're probably just in another dimension. :'''Copperhead''': ''[sarcastic]'' Oh, is ''that'' all? :'''Batman''': I don't see any children. :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': That's because a child is responsible. :'''Batman''': Morgaine Le Fay. :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': I mean you no harm. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': My son Mordred has wrought this treachery, banishing all adults to this shadow realm. Even me, his own mother. And after I spent millennia feeding him, bathing him, preparing him to be king... where did I go wrong? :'''Wonder Woman''': You're a sorceress. Can't you just undo his spell? :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': No. He's got the amulet of first magic. He's too powerful. But if we all work together.. :'''Batman''': You want us to defeat your own son? :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': So don't trust me. Let him rule the world and all your children. Here we will stay. Forever. :'''Wonder Woman''': But what can we do? We're stuck here, aren't we? :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': Not exactly. The spell only banishes adults. :'''Green Lantern''': I don't like where this is going. :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': It's the only way. :'''Superman''': We have to do it. :'''[[John Stewart exhales]''' :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': Excellent. :'''[Morgaine Le Fay speaking foreign language]''' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, and Green Lantern have been turned into children.]'' :'''Kid Batman''': This better be temporary. :'''Kid Superman''': You sound weird, Whoa. So do I! :'''Kid Wonder Woman''': ''[Grinning at being the tallest]'' I kind of like this. :'''Kid Batman''': ''[to Green Lantern]'' What's the matter? :'''Kid Green Lantern''': I wore glasses as a kid. Guess I need them again. ''[large, square, green glasses appear on his nose]'' Wow! I didn't even try to make these! :''[Superman cracks up]'' :'''Kid Batman''': I hope not. :''[Green Lantern strains and morphs the glasses into a mask]'' :'''Kid Superman''': Cool! :'''Kid Wonder Woman''': ''[smacks him]'' Will you stop messing around? We gotta find Mordred! :'''Kid Batman''': Bet the little punk's in there! ''[runs towards the castle. Green Lantern, Superman, and Wonder Woman all quickly overtake him by flying]'' It's not a race! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Kid Batman is having trouble with a guard, Kid Wonder Woman punches it in the leg, causing it to shatter, then catches Kid Batman as he falls.]'' :'''Kid Wonder Woman''': You okay, tough guy? :'''Kid Batman''': Let go, I'm fine! ''[Stalks away, pouting]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[The group is thrown into a dungeon; a toddlerized Etrigan comes out.]'' :'''Kid Batman''': Etrigan? :''[Etrigan burps fire and is caught by Superman.]'' :'''Kid Batman''': ''[to Superman]'' Don't hurt him! :'''Kid Superman''': ''[being bitten by Etrigan]'' Tell him that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kid Wonder Woman''': Etrigan! You stop right there. I mean it! You naughty monster. Bad, bad, Etrigan. ''[Etrigan starts to cry. Wonder Woman picks him up]'' Hey little guy, it's okay, I won't hurt you. :'''Kid Batman''': You've got to be kidding. :'''Kid Wonder Woman''': He's just a baby. ''[Burps Etrigan]'' That's all he needed. :'''Kid Green Lantern''': ''[sniffs]'' Aww man, that ain't all she needs. :'''Kid Batman''': Now ''that'' is a job for Superman. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kid Superman''': You two, knock it off! :'''Child''': What are you gonna do? You're just a kid! :'''Kid Superman''': ''[burns the ground near them with his heat vision]'' I'm the kid with laser beams comin' out his eyes! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kid Green Lantern''': I've got a plan! I'll make some giant handcuffs and- :'''Kid Batman''': Forget it! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kid Batman''': Never mind what I just said. We'll take care of everything else. Lantern, you go crazy! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': You've used it all. Don't you realize what you've done? A bargain is a bargain. :''[After the League members been changed back to adults, Wonder Woman is still holding Etrigan]'' :'''Etrigan''': ...Mommy? :''[Wonder Woman drops Etrigan, looking somewhere between disgusted and annoyed]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Wait, what happened to Mordred? :'''Morgaine le Fey''': My spell gave him eternal youth. But now he has broken it, all he has is eternal life. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': Circumstances asides, it was kind of... enjoyable being a kid again. :'''Batman''': I haven't been a kid since I was eight years old. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Morgaine le Fey''': ''[Approaches an impossibly old, feeble and senile Mordred]'' Did you miss Mommy? Well, don't you worry, baby. Mommy's going to take good care of you, from now on... ===''Hawk And Dove'' [1.4]=== :''[Wonder Woman is being shot at by a bank robber who has run out of bullets and is about to throw his gun at her.] :'''Diana''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, yeah. Like THAT’S gonna work. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Diana''': What's wrong with people, J'onn? Hostility is their answer to everything! :'''Martian Manhunter''': You're one to talk, of late. :'''Diana''': What's that supposed to mean? :'''Martian Manhunter''': Diana, you and I have both been affected by our time among humans. It's important that we keep ourselves in check. :'''Diana''': First of all, those thugs back there got exactly what they had coming. As did that band of mercenaries last week. And those creatures from the Decoran Nebula - they weren't misunderstood! They thought we were FOOD! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hephaestus''': Patience, brother. You know how much I care about the details. :'''Ares''': It doesn't have to be pretty, Hephaestus. Where it's going things aren't supposed to be pretty. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hank Hall''': Fine mess here, Don. :'''Don Hall''': Talk to them, you speak Neanderthal! :'''Hank Hall''': I think they're done talking. :'''Don Hall''':This is ridiculous! Just because I disagree with you doesn't make me unpatriotic. :'''Bar Patron''': No, you bein' a bleedin' heart punk makes you unpatriotic! :'''Hank Hall''': Actually, I gotta agree with him on that one. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Don Hall''': Look, we got off on the wrong foot. Don't you think we could find plenty of things we all have in common if we JUST tried? :'''Bar Patron''': ''[ Pauses for a moment looking slightly puzzled]'' ...No! :'''Don Hall''': Hank, say something! :'''Hank Hall''': ''[punches one of the frat boys and gives Don a look]'' Preemptive strike. <hr width="50%"/> :''[ [[w:Hawk and Dove|Hawk and Dove]] find themselves in a barroom brawl]'' :'''Dove''': Oh, you SO wanted to do this! :'''Hawk''': Don't blame me! You're the one that couldn't keep your trap shut! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hawk''': Why not just let them obliterate each other? If people can't control their own country, they don't deserve to have one. :'''Dove''': Way to oversimplify. These folks live in poverty, and when you have so little, it's easy to be swayed into blaming your neighbour. Almost all aggression can be cured with education. :'''Hawk''': Yeah? Then how come some of the best-educated guys in the world work at the Pentagon? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hawk''': There's no one inside that thing! How do you fight that? :'''Wonder Woman''': You hit it 'til it breaks. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Nardoc''': We won, Mr. Sera. The animals attacked, and we ran them out of town. :'''Ares''': I didn't give you the Annihilator so you could run your enemies out of town, I gave you the Annihilator so you could annihilate them! :'''Nardoc''': Forgive the insult, sir, but you think like a South Kaznian. They want to destroy us all, but my brothers and I only wish to keep our land. Perhaps I could take their camp, but the price would be too great. Shall I win a country but massacre my people? :'''[[w:Ares (DC Comics)|Ares]]''': Yes, you idiot! ''I'' think like a South Kasnian?! Has it even entered your skull that THEY think like South Kasnians?! And you'd better start thinking that way, too, if you want there to be a Northerner left in this rat-infested dirt heap you call a country! All any of you mortals are good for is to slaughter one another! To fight and fight until the bones of your enemies are strewn across the battlefield, only to rise again in the next generation, like a well-tended crop! THAT’S what the Annihilator is for! But nooo, you're using it to play TAG! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Hawk attempts to kidnap the South Kasnian leader]'' :'''Hawk''': Ever run away from home? It's fun; you'll love it. ''[Grabs leader out of bed]'' Brother and I used to do it all the time. 'Cept, he'd always wuss out and run home to Mama... <hr width="50%"/> :''[Hawk is watching many Kasnians fighting and blowing things up]'' :'''Hawk''': I see Don's social skills had their usual effect... <hr width="50%"/> :''[Dove had just made the Annihilator stop by simply standing before it without a fight]'' :'''Hawk''': Anybody wanna give me a clue what just happened? :'''Wonder Woman''': Sometimes, it takes more strength NOT to fight. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ares''': But I'll be back and sooner than you think. Wherever there's prejudice, ignorance, inequality, I'll be there. :'''Wonder Woman''': And I'll be waiting. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dove''': You see, doesn't this prove exactly what I've been saying for years? :'''Hawk''': Couldn't tell ya — I do my best not to listen. :'''Dove''': What?!? ===''This Little Piggy'' [1.5]=== :'''Batman''': Patience, princess. Intergang moves in mysterious ways. :'''Wonder Woman''': Tell me about it. What use could they possibly have for the Rosetta Stone? :'''Batman''': We'll find out soon enough. And in the meantime... :'''Wonder Woman''': I know. Patience. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': Don't you ever wish you were down there? :'''Batman''': I'm down there all I need to be. :'''Wonder Woman''': Yes, but it's just a job to you. I'm talking about going down there and having some fun. Maybe... maybe with someone special. :''[Batman frowns and looks away]'' :'''Wonder Woman''': No. No dating for the Batman. It might cut into your brooding time. :'''Batman''': One: dating within the team always leads to disaster. Two: you're a princess from a society of immortal warriors; I'm a rich kid with issues... lots of issues. And three: if my enemies knew I had someone special, they wouldn't rest until they'd gotten to me, through her. :'''Wonder Woman''': ''[Crushes a stone gargoyle's head with her hand]'' Next? :''[A burglar alarm goes off.]'' :'''Batman''': There! :''[He swings into action.]'' :'''Wonder Woman''': ''[wryly]'' Saved by the bell. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': Circe! Be careful, she's... :'''Batman''': Yeah. I've read the ''[[w: Odyssey|Odyssey]]''. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zatanna''': ''[trying to turn Wonder Woman back to normal and failing]'' Lleps eb nekorb! Anaid emoceb namuh! Well, I gave it my best shot. We could call in one of the other magicians. Doctor Fate, maybe- :'''Batman''': No! I mean, let's keep this between us. :'''Zatanna''': But why? If there's a chance to help her, shouldn't we tell everyone and that... oh, wait wait... you and her, are you two... :'''Batman''': Just good friends. :'''Zatanna''': No, you and I are just good friends. There's something more between you and her. :'''Batman''': Well, maybe there was. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:B'wana Beast|B'wana Beast]]''': ''[introducing himself to Zatanna]'' B'wana Beast. How ya doin'? :'''Zatanna''': My ''legs'' are fine. As is the rest of me. Up here. ''[pointing to her face]'' :'''B'wana Beast''': Woah, she's got the fire of the cheetah in her. Rrroowr. :'''Zatanna''': ''[to Batman]'' Why are you doing this to me? <hr width="50%"/> :'''B'wana Beast''': ''[Talking to pigs, trying to find Wonder Woman]'' C'mon guys, help me out. Newcomer? Silver bracelets? Kinda stuck up? <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Red Tornado|Red Tornado]]''': ''[imitating a pig call]'' SOOOOOOO-WEEEEEEEEEE... <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Crimson Avenger|Crimson Avenger]]''': Excuse me, sir, I'm looking for a pig. :'''Old Man''': Gladys, it's for you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''B'wana Beast''': Yo, Wonderpig! ''[pursues the pig Diana through the street, jumping over an oncoming truck in the process; then, over his communicator]'' Bats, Beast. Got a fix on your girl. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Medusa|Medusa]]''': C-Girl and me did some time together back in the Pit of Eternal Torment. That's where they hang you by your ankles and weasels come each night to eat your fingers. They grow back the next day, but trust me - it gets old real quick. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Themis''': Thank you, Medusa. And know that you've earned 300 years off your sentence. :'''Medusa''': ''[sarcastic]'' Freedom in 4010. Ring-a-ding-ding! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Circe''': Thank you, thank you. You've all been so kind to me tonight. You know, my cousins, the Sirens, never thought I could sing. Really! They thought they were all that with their 'Charm the Sailors' routine. But I'm showing them, aren't I? :[''Dead silence. Circe glares - the audience applauses''] :'''Circe''': Oh thank you! I love you all! Are there any requests? :'''Zatanna''': Stcejbo kcatta ecriC! :'''Circe''': I'm not sure I know that one... <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Circe (comics)|Circe]]''': ''[under attack by Zatanna]'' Insolent trickster! You dare to strike- ''[gets hit by a chair]'' You dare to strike- ''[gets hit by a table]'' You dare to strike- ''[gets smothered by a tablecloth]'' QUIT IT! Oh, no... ''[gets hit by a grand piano]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Wait. It seems that magic always has a price. :'''Circe''': And your point is...? :'''Batman''': What would I have to give to make you lift your spell on Diana? :'''Circe''': Well, now you're getting interesting. I want something from you that's very precious. Something you've worked ''very hard'' to conceal. Something when gone, you can never regain. Something ''soul-shattering''... :''[cut to Batman at a mike]'' :'''Batman''': ''[singing]'' [[w:Am I Blue?|Am I blue? Am I blue? Ain't these tears in my eyes telling you...]] <hr width="50%"/> ''[Zatanna is listening to Batman sing as her eyes tear up. She produces a handkerchief to dab at her eyes... then passes it to Circe, who is also crying at the performance.]'' :'''Circe''': Beautiful. :'''Zatanna''': And you'll keep your part of the bargain? :'''Circe''': A deal's a deal. He can stop now. :'''Zatanna''': Not on your life! ''[Both keep watching the performance.]''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zatanna''': ''[to Batman, after he leaves the stage]'' Is there anything you can't do? :'''Batman''': There's one thing I've never been very good at - saying thank you. ''[they share a smile]'' ===''Fearful Symmetry'' [1.6]=== :'''[[W:Green Arrow|Green Arrow]]''': Don't listen to this guy, everything's conspiracies with him. :'''[[W:Question (comics)|The Question]]''': Not "conspiracies". Conspiracy. Singular. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Question''': Reaching back to ancient Egypt, there's been a single cabal of powerful individuals directing the course of human history. But the common man prefers to believe they don't exist, which aids their success. :'''Supergirl''': ''[reading newspaper clippings]'' Global warming, military upheavals in the third world, actors elected to public office... :'''Green Arrow''': The spread of coffee bars, germs outpacing antibiotics, and boy bands? Come on! Who would gain from all this? :'''Question''': Who indeed? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Supergirl''': These weren't just dreams, they felt like they really happened! :'''Green Arrow''': I dunno, I've had some dreams that felt mighty real. ''[glances over his shoulder at Black Canary]'' There was this one the other night... ''[eats a French fry thoughtfully]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': Hold your horses! No one asked for more help. This whole trip might just prove the kid shouldn't eat nachos before bed. :'''Question''': Peanut butter sandwiches. :'''Supergirl''': How did y- what, do you go through my trash?! :'''Question''': Please... I go through ''everyone's'' trash. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': So I think that answered everything. :'''Question''': A little too well. :'''Green Arrow''': Does ''everything'' have a sinister motive in your world? :'''Question''': Yours too, you just don't know it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': What was that about? :'''Question''': What do you think? We're asking questions someone doesn't want answered. :'''Green Arrow''': Aw, learn a new tune already! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Supergirl has just been attacked by an android.]'' :'''Question''': Standard [[w: Infiltration Unit Zeta|Z8 Combat Trainer]]. :'''Green Arrow''': Like the ones we use. The League buys 'em in bulk. :'''Supergirl''': So? :'''Question''': So who do we buy them ''from?'' :'''Supergirl''': The Army, I thin... Oh, wait a minute... :'''Question''': Another fun fact: The man who commissioned the Z8 Project? The same man who put you in the hospital. :'''Supergirl''': General Hardcastle? He's retired now, isn't he? :'''Question''': Gone. And hoping to be forgotten. <hr width="50%"/> :'''General Hardcastle''': Figured someone would come for me some day. Only, I thought they'd be from the other side. ''[aiming his weapon at Supergirl]'' This weapon fires a projectile of kryptonite pellets suspended in a liquid silicon core. Causes maximum scatter on impact. Only gets one shot, but trust me, ''alien'', it'll do the job. :'''Supergirl''': We're not here to hurt you. We just have some questions. :'''General Hardcastle''': Sorry if I don't take your word for it. As I recall, your kind can be fickle. :''[After a tense moment Green Arrow steps in front of Supergirl]'' :'''Green Arrow''': Okay, now what, smart guy? Use up your magic bullet on me, and you're left with one very ticked off Supergirl. :''[The brief distraction gives Question the chance to easily disarm Hardcastle]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''General Hardcastle''': What? I told you everything I... Supergirl? :'''Galatea''': Yes... and no. Friends call me Tea. Are you a friend, general? :''[Hardcastle lunges for his kryptonite gun but Galatea quickly destroys it with her heat vison]'' :'''Galatea''': Guess that's a no. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Galatea''': So, what do you think? It's important that you like yourself. And I'm you, just accelerated a few extra years. Plus better trained. And I have to say, a heck of a lot smarter. :'''Supergirl''': You lured us here. After your lackeys couldn't get rid of me at Star, you decided to deal with me yourself on your home turf. :'''Galatea''': It's like you're reading my mind. Which is actually the problem. And why you have to die. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Outside Nuvo-Gen]'' :'''Question''': ''[singing while inspecting the locked glass door]'' ...Fell in love again, what am I gonna tell my friends? It just happened. You walked in my door, now I don't wanna be alone no more... ''[throws a potted plant through the door]'' Oops, I done it! Told you how I feel! Just hope this time that our love is real... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Question''': You were setting up this bait even before Supergirl started asking questions. It's because the link works both ways, doesn't it? While she was seeing what you were doing, you were feeling her conscience. That's why you couldn't sleep at night. And I bet it got in the way of your work. It bites having someone in your head, doesn't it? :'''Galatea''': ''[begrudgingly]'' You don't know what you're talking about. :'''Question''': No? Prove it. Kill me. :''[Galatea raises her fist but hesitates to hit him]'' ===''The Greatest Story Never Told'' [1.7]=== :'''Child''': Can I have your autograph?! :'''Booster Gold''': Of course you can! ''[signs autograph book]'' :'''Child''': ''[looks at it and is disappointed]'' I thought you were Green Lantern. :'''Skeets:''' I would like your autograph, sir! :'''Booster Gold''': Shut up, Skeets. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Martian Manhunter''': I have never sensed such malevolent magic in one being. Unless Mordru can be defeated, I fear for every living creature on the planet. :'''Booster Gold''': Yes! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Martian Manhunter''': Listen up! A second unit will serve under Green Lantern's command! When I call your name, report to the transporter! Hawk and Dove, Star and Stripe, Shining Knight... Fire and [[w:Ice (comics)|Ice]], [[w:Doctor Light (Kimiyo Hoshi)|Doctor Light]]... [[w:Aztek (comics)|Aztek]], Huntress, Vigilante, Elongated Man... :'''Booster Gold''': Ahem. :'''Martian Manhunter''': [[w:Vibe (comics)|Vibe]]... :'''Booster Gold''': AHEM! :'''Martian Manhunter''': ''[sighs]'' Booster Gold... :'''Booster Gold''': Yes! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Booster Gold''': Energize! :'''Teleporter Operator''': Doofus. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Elongated Man and Booster Gold are stuck with Crowd Control during a battle.]'' :'''[[w: Elongated Man|Elongated Man]]''': "We don't need two stretchy guys". This is so not fair! I mean, okay, I realize that Plastic Man is in the League too, I'm not dissing the guy's skills, but come on! I have it all over that guy! Once, I disguised myself as a vase for like three days! :'''Booster Gold''': No, you didn't! :'''Elongated Man''' Okay, maybe not. Who'd want to, anyway? But I ''am'' a detective! That means I'm like [[w: Plastic Man|Plastic Man]] and Batman rolled into one! And... :'''Booster Gold''': Is there any chance you could stop complaining for five minutes? :'''Elongated Man''': Hey, the squeaky wheel gets the grease, my friend. But I'll tell you one thing: I wouldn't help those ingrates now if they BEGGED me! :'''Wonder Woman''': We need you. :'''Booster Gold''': It's about time! :'''Wonder Woman''': Not you. HIM! :'''Elongated Man''': Squeaky Wheel! ''[leaves with Wonder Woman]'' :'''Skeets''': Maybe they needed a vase. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Booster Gold''': It doesn't matter what we do here, the battle is over there. We're not helping. :'''Skeets''': This is untrue. "They also serve, who only stand and wait." - [[John Milton]]. :'''Booster Gold''': Oh yeah? I got one for ya': "This stinks" - Booster Gold. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Booster Gold''': I am not Green Lantern! If I were Green Lantern, my costume would be green, now wouldn't it?! ''[to Skeets]'' I have officially hit rock bottom. :'''Skeets''': Sir, you saved those insects! Yay! Don't you feel good about yourself? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Booster Gold''': She's beautiful, and in distress! My favorite kind of damsel. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Booster Gold''': Oh, man, we are so lucky! All I have to do is pop this collar on Mr. Black Hole, save the world, and then it's champagne and strawberries for me and the hot doctor! ''[He is about to put the collar around Dr. Daniel's neck, when a car falls on him]'' ''[emerging from under the car]'' I thought they didn't have flying cars in this time period. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Booster Gold opens an ambulance door]'' :'''Booster Gold''': Uh-oh. ''[Cut to pregnant woman in labor; Dr. Simmons arrives]'' Maybe you should handle this. :'''Dr. Tracy Simmons''': Why me? :'''Booster Gold''': You're a doctor. :'''Dr. Tracy Simmons''': I'm a physicist! :'''Booster Gold''': Yeah? :'''Dr. Tracy Simmons''': Give me the collar! ''[She takes it and runs]'' :'''Booster Gold''': I'll - I'll take care of this. ''[climbs into the ambulance next to the woman]'' So, um... how are you feeling? :'''Woman''': ''[screams]'' :'''Booster Gold''': How many fingers am I holding up? :'''Woman''': ''[Grabs him]'' Do something useful! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Booster Gold''': Tracy, where are you? This is all my fault, Skeets. I never should have put her in harm's way. I mean, Superman wouldn't have done that. He would have figured this all out by now. :'''Skeets''': Thataway, sir. :'''Tracy Simmons''': Help me! Oh, no! :'''Skeets''': He's in the subway, sir. He's in the subway. :'''Booster Gold''': I know. :'''Booster Gold''': They were right. Some superhero I turned out to be. If anyone knew the truth. If she knew the truth-- :'''Skeets''': I've got nothing. :'''Tracy Simmons''': Did you find him? :'''Skeets''': According to my sensors, Dr. Brown is nearing critical mass. :'''Booster Gold''': Come on. :'''Tracy Simmons''': Daniel! :'''Daniel''': Tracy, keep back! I can't control it! :'''Booster Gold''': Just stay where you are. :'''Skeets''': Booster! :'''Booster Gold''': Skeets! No! :'''Daniel''': Ohh. :'''Booster Gold''': I blew it! :'''Tracy Simmons''': It's not too late! :'''Booster Gold''': I can't do it! :'''Tracy Simmons''': Yes, you can! You have to! :'''Booster Gold''': Tracy, I'm a fraud! Do you know why I came back to the past? It wasn't to fight for justice! It was to get rich, be famous! I was a failure in the future, just like I am here! I'm not a superhero! :'''Tracy Simmons''': Everything is about to be destroyed forever! And where are the other superheroes? Not here! You are! You're the only one that can do this! So do it! :'''Tracy Simmons''': You're alive. :'''Daniel''': Tracy? :'''Tracy Simmons''': You're all right, Daniel. Just take it slow. :'''Daniel''': I don't feel so good. :'''Booster Gold''': Skeets! :'''Skeets''': My gosh. It was full of stars. :'''Daniel''': Sorry. :'''Tracy Simmons''': You okay? :'''Booster Gold''': Yeah. You? :'''Tracy Simmons''': I am now. That was pretty super-heroic of you. :'''Booster Gold''': Hey. All in a judgment day's work. Well, see ya. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Skeets''': Sir, according to my thermal sensor readings of Dr. Simmons, you just missed a prime opportunity to... well, I believe the phrase is, "kiss the girl." :'''Booster Gold''': Kissing girls is for heroes, Skeets. :'''Captain Atom''': Nice work, Elongated Man. :'''Green Lantern''': That was just about the slickest move I've ever seen. :'''Elongated Man''': Hey, it was a team effort. I'm just glad I stretched in the right place at the right time. :'''Booster Gold''': Back to normal, huh? :'''Batman''': Mordru's magic was nullified when he lost consciousness. I thought I told you to stay on crowd control. :'''Booster Gold''': I know, but... there was this... I mean, you wouldn't believe it... it almost.. ''[pauses on seeing Batman narrowing his eyes]'' ah, forget it. :'''Batman''': You and I are gonna have a little chat later. ''[walks away]'' :'''Booster Gold''': ''[sarcastic]'' Looking forward to that. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tracy Simmons''': ''[offscreen]'' Excuse me, Green Lantern? :'''Booster Gold''': For the last time, I am not Green Lantern! My name is...! ''[turns and sees her]'' :'''Tracy Simmons''': ''[laughs]'' Just kidding. I know who Booster Gold is. So now that I'm not in distress, I was wondering if maybe I was still your kind of damsel. Because maybe we could have dinner if you're not busy doing cleanup. :'''Booster Gold''': Me? No. I only do crowd control. Squeaky wheel, buddy. Squeaky wheel. ===''The Return'' [1.8]=== :'''Guardian''': There's an unidentified object approaching Oa at a somewhat astonishing speed... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Guardian''': Magnify image. :'''Martian Manhunter''': Professor Ivo's android! :'''Green Lantern''': Holy Mother of-! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex Luthor''': ''[leading the rest to a hiding place]'' This is it. :'''[[w: Supergirl|Supergirl]]''': A barber shop? :'''[[W: John Henry Irons|Steel]]''': Got to hand it to you, Luthor - NOBODY would think to look for you here. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amazo''': You cannot keep me from my goal. :'''Superman''': Telepathy. :'''Green Lantern''': I'm not impressed. :'''Superman''': Why have you come back? What do you want? :'''Amazo''': Why do you ask questions you already know the answer to? :'''Superman''': Luthor. :'''Amazo''': Of course. :'''Superman''': We're not gonna give him up. :'''Amazo''': He's your enemy. You owe him nothing. :'''Superman''': Turn...back...now. :'''Amazo''': I have evolved far beyond what I was when we last met. You do not want to challenge me. :'''Green Lantern''': LIGHT HIM UP! :''[The First Line attacks]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kyle Rayner''': We're gonna use every bit of power left in our rings and take one last shot at the android. :'''Green Lantern''': A blast like that could destroy half the planet. :'''Kyle Rayner''': Half a planet is better than none. :''[in the Watchtower]'' :'''Martian Manhunter''': It's the only way. :'''Dr. Fate''': Hmmm, those words are always used to justify destruction. :'''Martian Manhunter''': We can only guess how much power the android has amassed as it has worked it's way across the galaxy. It has to be stopped, Fate. Here and now. Not just for the sake of this world, but for all worlds. :'''Dr. Fate''': Then for the sake of all worlds, I will continue to seek a better way. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex Luthor''': The most powerful creature in the universe wants my head, and the League sends its least powerful member to protect me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Atom_(Ray_Palmer)|Atom]]''': The android – why does he hate you so much? :'''Lex Luthor''': I once took advantage of his naiveté. He's not naïve any more, and I've stopped taking advantage of the innocent. :'''Atom''': Let's hope you'll be more convincing if you have to tell him that. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amazo''': Your bravery is admirable... but annoying. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Martian Manhunter''': You'll need that cannon very soon. :'''Lex Luthor''': Then stop interrupting us! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Martian Manhunter''': You've come to offer help? :'''Dr. Fate''': Not help. Hope. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amazo''': An intriguing idea, modifying the cannon so that it could alter my programming, and it might've worked... a month ago, when I was still nanotech. But I have transcended that limitation. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex Luthor''': A subatomic universe. :'''Atom''': Figured the android can't kill what he can't see. :'''Amazo''': Oh, but I ''can'' see you. ''[Atom and Luthor are revealed to be standing on Amazo's hand]'' Did you really think I couldn't follow you here? No universe, however large, however small, is denied to me. :'''Lex Luthor''': What do you want from me? :'''Amazo''': You have everything humans desire: wealth, power... yet you crave more, and you'll do anything to get it. Why? What is your ultimate purpose? :'''Lex Luthor''': What you're ''really'' asking is, what is ''yours?'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Fate''': Wait. Please. The android's nature has proved benign before. I believe it will again. :'''Green Lantern''': Benign?! You call destroying Oa benign?! ''[all assembled Green Lanterns aim their rings at Dr. Fate]'' Not even you can stand against the Green Lantern Corps. ''[Dr. Fate steps aside, and the Lanterns find the room empty]'' What the devil's going on? :'''Dr. Fate''': Lex Luthor is saving the world. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex Luthor''': The truth is, for all my struggles to make my mark in life, for all I've accomplished, in just a few short generations my name will be forgotten. Even the greatest of us can't compete with time... and death. :'''Amazo''': Then why do you go on? Why does anyone? Why don't I just destroy you and everything else right now? ''[winds start swirling]'' All it would take is a single thought and- :'''Lex Luthor''': No! If you do that, you won't see the end of it! :'''Amazo''': The end of what? :'''Lex Luthor''': The evolutionary process. You of all beings should know something about that. :'''Amazo''': Yes. Yes, I'm evolving. That's why Professor Ivo made me. These past months I have amassed so much knowledge, and yet... I remain confused... empty. What am I evolving into? What is my purpose?! I must know! ''TELL ME!'' :'''Lex Luthor''': There's no way to tell. And that's why I stay in the game. My purpose, if you will, is to see where it's all going. And you! You'll live forever. You'll be able to see it all. :'''Amazo''': Is that my purpose? Simply to be... a ''witness?'' :'''Lex Luthor''': We create our own purpose in life. Now go create yours. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex Luthor''': You know, when I heard you were coming I was actually afraid of you. Petrified. But now, when I see your fear, your uncertainty, I just pity you. :''[Amazo glares]'' :'''Atom''': You should have quit while you were ahead. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Fate''': It's over. Isn't it? :'''Amazo''': Yes. :'''Green Lantern''': He murders an entire world, and it's over? Just like that? I don't think so! :'''Amazo''': I did not destroy Oa - I simply moved it to another dimension. ''[everyone stares]'' It was in my way. :'''John Stewart''': Then could you move it back? :''[Amazo's eyes glow briefly]'' :'''Amazo''': Done. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Fate''': I can help you on your journey. In your search for meaning. :'''Amazo''': Help me? Why? :'''Dr. Fate''': Because that... is my purpose. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Atom''': Told you we'd beat him! :'''Lex Luthor''': What do you mean, "we"? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Inza''': Are you all right? :'''Dr. Fate''': Fine, although there was a moment when I actually thought John Stewart was going to attack me. :'''Shayera Hol''': Oh, I don't know about that. His bark's a lot worse than his bite. ===''Ultimatum'' [1.9]=== :'''Aquaman''': The new Bermuda Platform's under attack. If it collapses, we're gonna have the worst oil spill in history on our hands. I've told those idiots to stay out of my ocean. :'''Superman''': ETA is three minutes, Aquaman. :'''Wonder Woman''': Right behind you, Superman. :'''Batman''': See you there, Diana. :'''Aquaman''': These geniuses dug right into the Earth's magma. Never occurred to them there'd be anything living down there. :'''Batman''': ''[surrounded with Aquaman by Lava men]'' Can you make telepathic contact? :'''Aquaman''': Do they look like fish to you? :'''Wind Dragon''': Don't despair, old chum. :'''Long Shadow''': I didn't know you could do that. :'''Wind Dragon''': Neither did I. :'''Wind Dragon''': Finding new sources of fuel for an energy starved world is truly a worthy endeavor. But in man's quest to better himself, he must respect all of the world's creatures, including those poor beasts whose homes you've disturbed. :'''Wind Dragon''': Not to worry, fellow heroes. The Ultimen are here. :'''Aquaman''': Not them again. :'''Wind Dragon''': Now, is that nice? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Superman is encased in hardened magma]'' :'''Wind Dragon''': You know, Juice, Superman was my hero when I was a lad. It's not his fault he's getting old. :'''Superman''': "Old"?! ''[breaks free]'' :'''Wind Dragon''': Old but spry, sir, old but spry! :'''Long Shadow''': It's, uh, really an honor to be working with you, Wonder Woman. :'''Wonder Woman''': Thank you, Long Shadow. :'''Shifter''': Lend them a hand, Brother? :'''Downpour''': Absolutely, Sister. :'''Shifter''': Flood! :'''Downpour''': Sea serpent! :'''Shifter''': Don't be afraid, Wonder Woman. It's only me, Shifter. :'''Wonder Woman''': Any chance you could warn me before you try to drown me? :'''Shifter''': We were only trying to help. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Long Shadow''': What I wanna know is- :'''Shifter, Downpour, Juice, Wind Dragon''': "Why can't we join the Justice League?" :'''Wind Dragon''': Hey, it's all right. I used to think like that. :'''Long Shadow''': Used to? What happened? :'''Wind Dragon''': I dunno. I guess I just started wanting stuff. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': ''[on Maxwell Lord]'' I can't listen to anymore of this. This guy's dripping more oil than that platform ever did. <hr width="50%'/> :'''Bizarro''': Me will do anything for the woman he loves! Even break her boyfriend out of prison! :'''Wonder Woman''': And what's gonna happen then? :'''Bizarro''': Uh... ''[gets knocked out]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bizarro''': ''[singing]'' Bizarro here to save the day! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Giganta''': Outta the way, tiny. :''[Long Shadow grows taller than her]'' :'''Long Shadow''': You were saying? :'''Giganta''': Oh, poop. <hr width="50%'/> :'''Wonder Woman''': Whatever's going on, we'll do everything in our power to... :'''Wind Dragon''': Yes, ''power.'' That's what it always comes down to, doesn't it? And that's the only way we'll ever be remembered. 'Cause we're the ones who take down the Justice League! The world will never forget us! :'''Batman''': Listen to yourself, you're not making any sense! You're getting sicker! :'''Wind Dragon''': Translation: they're afraid to face us! :'''Long Shadow''': No! :'''Wind Dragon''': As a man said, "You're either with us or against us." :'''Juice''': Where'd he go? :'''Batman''': Light's out... old chum. :'''Downpour''': Nobody does that to my sister. Do you hear me?! Nobody! :''[Downpour blasts Aquaman with a huge tidal wave, which is almost entirely ineffective.]'' :'''Aquaman''': King of the seas, remember? :'''Superman''': Project Cadmus? That's all you know? :'''Long Shadow''': Everything else is an implanted memory. :'''Wonder Woman''': How much time... do you have left? :'''Long Shadow''': Who knows? :'''Amanda Waller''': We'll take it from here. The Ultimen belong to us. :'''Wonder Woman''': Belong? :'''Maxwell Lord''': A poor choice of words. We'll see to it that their last days are comfortable. We will take care of you. You have my word, for whatever it's worth. :'''Wind Dragon''': All right, Max. :''[The gunmen step towards Long Shadow. Wonder Woman steps in front of him.] :'''Wonder Woman''': No. :'''Amanda Waller''': You need to step back. :'''Batman''': Not gonna happen. Long Shadow's with us. :'''Amanda Waller''': ''[to troops]'' Safeties. :''[Soldiers train guns on the League; Superman and Aquaman get between them and Long Shadow]'' :'''Batman''': ''[smirking]'' Mine are bigger than yours. :'''Amanda Waller''': Stand down. He's free to go with you for however long he's got. :'''Batman''': Who are you people? :'''Amanda Waller''': That's a national security matter. And if I were you, I wouldn't probe the situation too closely... rich boy. :'''Wonder Woman''': Welcome to the Justice League. ===''Dark Heart'' [1.10]=== :'''[[w: The Atom|The Atom]]''': ''[confronted by a (relatively) giant nanomachine]'' He's bigger than my car now, Katie. Personally, I blame you. :'''Katie''': How can it possibly be my fault? :'''The Atom''': Because otherwise it would be ''my'' fault. That can't be right; I'm a professor. ''[He rides the nanomachine like a bronco, opening a panel on its back.]'' Okay, I can see the problem, now, Katie. Looks like the salt water created a bad nano-chip. I can get around it by.... ''[he's nearly thrown off as the nanomachine writhes under him]'' Okay, I'm just gonna be direct. ''[He punches the chip, breaking it, but he is shocked by the contact. The nanomachine comes to a halt, and he lies prone on its back, exhausted.]'' :'''Katie''': Professor Palmer! Professor! Ray! :'''The Atom''': I'm just going to lie here for a while, Katie. I'm old now, and I get tired. :'''Katie''': Professor Palmer, you have company...''serious'' company... :'''The Atom''': Stand by, I'm coming up. ''[He adjusts a dial on his belt, causing him to grow out of the petri dish. He steps down from the table it's on, to stand only a little shorter than Superman.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[in free fall, having bailed out of his plane]'' Batman to all points. I could use some air support. Since I can't fly. At all. ''[continues to fall and states calmly]'' Now would be good. ''[Superman catches him only a few feet from the ground]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': ''[holding Atom in her palm]'' Ready? :'''Atom''': Just don't squeeze. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': ''[in the midst of battle, before tucking Atom into her cleavage]'' I need both hands, professor. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Atom''': This is incredible. Every atom of it is filled with books' worth of information, it is beautifully simple, it— :'''Batman''': Save it for the autopsy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Atom''': Amazing. Show him a weapon that destroyed its creators and every other thing it saw, and he wants to play with it. What's to stop history from repeating itself right here on Earth? :'''Superman''': We are. ===''Wake the Dead'' [1.11]=== :'''Aquaman''': Such scintillating repartee. I get better conversation from the android. :'''Amazo''': You are aware I'm in the room? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Aquaman''': I win again... huzzah. :'''Shayera Hol''': It's just a game. :''[Aquaman knocks the board and pieces off the table]'' :'''Aquaman''': You disgust me! :'''Shayera Hol''': Join the club. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': Aquaman thinks I've been here too long. :'''Inza''': Flowers bloom when they are ready, Shayera. :'''Shayera Hol''': I'm no flower. I'm not Lieutenant Shayera Hol of the Thanagarian Empire. Not anymore. I've been stripped of my rank, exiled from my home world. I'm not Hawkgirl. That was always a sham. When I do my job, people get hurt, people that I care about. :'''Inza''': And what happens when you don't do your job? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Lantern''': Doctor Fate called it, Solomon Grundy's back. :'''Vixen''': The zombie guy? A heavy hitter, I read about him in the files. :'''Green Lantern''': Yeah, he's tough, but we can handle him. Funny thing is, he's supposed to be dead. :'''Vixen''': Aren't all zombies, by definition, dead? :'''Green Lantern''': Uh... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amazo''': Checkmate. You are improving. This time it took me 16 moves to defeat you. That's nearly double the number it took last time. :'''Aquaman''': ''[annoyed]'' Set up the board. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Fate''': Solomon Grundy's grave is empty. :'''Aquaman''': Find those responsible, then dig more graves. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Fate''': ''[magically watching Superman, Green Lantern and Vixen fighting Solomon Grundy]'' They need our help. :'''Shayera Hol''': So does Grundy. Let's try and get there before the League kills him. :'''Amazo''': ''[as the battle turns against the League]'' That scenario seems... unlikely. <hr width="50%"/> :''[John and Shayera meet for the first time since Starcrossed.]'' :'''Green Lantern''': Shayera? :'''Shayera Hol''': ... Hate the beard. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': You let Amazo out of the tower now? :'''Dr. Fate''': I'm curious to see how you would dissuade him. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Lantern''': ''[Seeing Superman coming from water to the bridge]'' Are you OK? :'''Superman''': Do I look OK? <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Doctor Fate|Doctor Fate]]''': The creature knows only rage and seeks only oblivion. Your mace may be the only object on Earth that can grant him peace. :'''[[W: John Stewart (comics)|Green Lantern]]''': What are you saying!? :'''Shayera Hol''': Your favorite movie's [[w: Old Yeller (1957 film)|Old Yeller]]. You know ''exactly'' what he's saying. Is this my destiny? To be a destroyer? To betray yet another friend? :'''Doctor Fate''': It's not that simple. It never was. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The vote to keep Shayera in the league or not is revealed.]'' :'''Green Lantern''': I recused myself because... well... Anyway, Superman broke the tie. :'''Superman''': I believe in second chances, I believe in redemption. But mostly, I believe in my friends. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Lantern''': ''[as several onlookers jeer Shayera]'' Back off! She doesn't have to take that from you people! :'''Shayera Hol''': Yes, I do. But it's okay. I guess I deserve some of it. :''[Her hand is taken]'' :'''Mother''': You saved our lives. God bless you, Chica Halcón. :'''Green Lantern''': You deserve that, too. ===''The Once and Future Thing Part 1: Weird Western Tales'' [1.12]=== :'''Enid Clinton''': David? David! Are you hiding in the garage again? Look at this mess. Come on out, David. I know you're here. :'''David Clinton''': Oh. Hello, dear. I was just cataloging some of my collection. :'''Enid Clinton''': Collection? Pft. Bunch of junk. :'''David Clinton''': It's not junk. This comb belonged to Cleopatra. And this... This is an actual early draft of the Magna Carta. And this... :'''Enid Clinton''': Right. Like you could afford these things on a physics professor's salary. We can't even afford the new car I want. :'''David Clinton''': I-I didn't buy them, Enid. I sort of took them. :'''Enid Clinton''': You robbed a museum? Is that why you're wearing that goofy cat suit? :'''David Clinton''': Well, sort of. Not exactly. Remember last summer when I didn't get tenure? :'''Enid Clinton''': Yeah. They thought you were crazy because you kept insisting you were on the verge of discovering... time travel. :'''David Clinton''': It's my chrono-suit. I've had it working for months. I've been using it to gather treasures for my collection. And you said I was a loser. :'''Enid Clinton''': Let me get this straight. You got a suit that lets you travel in time, and you've been using it to steal historical trash? ''[David looks proud; Enid grabs him abusively]'' You stupid little man! You could go back and steal gold and jewels! You could get stock information from the future! We could be rich! :'''[[w:Chronos (comics)|David Clinton]]''': No! We can't use the suit to do anything that could change history. I'm careful to only take things that wouldn't be missed. :'''Enid Clinton''': Like your ''spine?'' :'''David Clinton''': Enid, please, don't talk to me like that. I love- :'''Enid Clinton''': Mother was right. I should have married Jim Doorman. He's a very successful lawyer. And you ''ARE'' a loser - always were, always will be. :'''David Clinton''': But- :'''Enid Clinton''': YOU WORTHLESS, GOOD-FOR-NOTHING, WRETCHED WASTE OF SPACE! YOU INVENT A TIME MACHINE AND CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING USEFUL TO DO WITH IT?! :'''David Clinton''': ''[is stunned with fright at first, but then turns angry]'' I can think of ONE thing! ''[activates a portal in time]'' I can use it to get away from YOU! :''[He disappears into it, leaving Enid looking scared]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': By all means, you first. :'''Green Lantern''': Diana's carrying a grudge. :'''Batman''': She'll get over it. How 'bout you? Carrying anything? :'''Green Lantern''': What? Shayera? We're cool. We're giving each other our space. I'm seeing Vixen, now. ''[pause]'' I'm very happy. :'''Batman''': Uh-''huh''. :'''Green Lantern''': Anyway, why are we always talking about my love life? What's going on between you and Diana? :'''Batman''': Nothing. She's a respected colleague. :'''Green Lantern''': Uh-''huh''. :'''Batman''': I don't have time to pursue a relationship. My work is too important to allow any distractions. Diana's a remarkable woman, she's a valued friend, she's... ''[realizes]'' ...standing right behind me, isn't she? :'''Wonder Woman''': ''[indeed she is]'' Don't let that stop you. ''[leans over Batman, flirtatiously]'' Keep digging. :'''David Clinton''': [GRUNTING] Aah! :'''Batman''': Who are you? How did you get in the watchtower? :'''David Clinton''': You weren't supposed see me. Stay away! No one's supposed to know I was here. :'''Green Lantern''': Everybody okay? :'''Wonder Woman''': Where are we? :'''Batman''': "Where"? I think the question is "when"? :'''Wild West Robber''': I have to confess. You're about the most colorfully attired individuals I've ever bushwhacked. You circus folk? :'''Wonder Woman''': Not exactly. :'''Wild West Robber''': I don't care what you are, long as you pay the toll. :'''Wonder Woman''': Toll? :'''Wild West Robber''': Welcome to Elkhorn, Oklahoma, ma'am. This here is Tobias Manning territory. :'''Wonder Woman''': You want tribute? Money? :'''Wild West Robber''': Why in particular.. That fat gold chain will do just fine, unless you got somethin' else you want to give... [SCREAMS] :'''Wonder Woman''': Those are the biggest, slowest bullets I've ever seen. :'''Batman''': You're letting them go? :'''Wonder Woman''': Hm? Oh, no. :'''Batman''': I was afraid of this. The Elkhorn Gazette. It's either an amazing forgery, or it's less than a month old. :'''Wonder Woman''': So? :'''Batman''': Look at the date. :'''Batman''': ''[reading]: June, 1879. :'''Green Lantern''': I have mentioned how much I hate time travel. :'''Wonder Woman''': If we don't find our sneak thief, we're stuck here. :'''Green Lantern''': Let's head for the nearest town. See if we can find him. :'''Batman''': We can't go anywhere dressed like this. :'''Wonder Woman''': No. We can't. <hr width="50%"/> :''[after swapping their costumes for cowboy clothes]'' :'''Diana''': These shoes are killing me. :'''Bruce Wayne''': You fight crime wearing high heels. :'''Diana''': High heels that fit. Aren't you going to put those on, John? :'''Green Lantern''': Has the shower been invented yet? Somebody should tell this guy. :'''John Stewart''': Those empty holsters aren't going to scare anybody. You sure you don't want one of these? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Positive. Let's ride. :'''Diana''': Hyah! :'''Tobias Manning''': What's it gonna be, Earl? :'''Earl''': I'm studying it, Tobias. :'''Bat Lash''': My pappy always said, "Faint of heart never filled a flush." :'''Earl''': It ain't your pappy's money. Fold. :'''Tobias Manning''': That leaves you and me. What are you holding, Mr. Lash? :'''Bat Lash''': It'll cost you another $500 to find out. :'''Tobias Manning''': Call. Four kings and an ace. :'''Bat Lash''': Well, now, that's a mite perplexing, seeing as I got four aces and a king. :'''Tobias Manning''': Well, I've got the gun. :'''Bat Lash''': Lot of that going around lately. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bat Lash''': Seems like a waste of a good-sized pot. How 'bout we split it and both walk away? :''[Manning's gun extends six additional barrels]'' :'''Tobias Manning''': How 'bout I keep it all? :'''Bat Lash''': Sounds fair the way you explain it. :'''Diana''': That technology's from the future. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Wait. We don't know how things work here yet. :'''Tobias Manning''': Hang him at dawn. :'''Bat Lash''': Don't I get a trial? :'''Tobias Manning''': Sure. You're guilty. My town, my rules. :'''Bat Lash''': Wait a minute. Can't we talk about this? How 'bout another hand? Double or nothin'! :'''John Stewart''': I think we know how things work here now. :'''Diana''': We have to help that man. :'''Bruce Wayne''': That's not what we're here for. Someone's tampering with history. The stakes are much bigger than the life of one card shark. :'''Diana''': Then it's settled. We'll break him out after sundown. :'''David Clinton''': That's not going to work. I tried it. Yeah, those bars are cheap pig iron, but they're plenty strong enough to hold. At least until morning when they come to hang you. :'''Bat Lash''': Do you mind? I'm trying to plan an escape over here. :'''David Clinton''': How's it going so far? :'''Bat Lash''': I'm working on it. :'''Guard''': Quiet down in there! :'''Bat Lash''': That's just what I was telling him. :'''John Stewart''': I'll get the door. Or that. :'''Bruce Wayne''': I'd get out of town if I were you. :'''Bat Lash''': I'd like to, but my pappy always said, "A man who sticks his head in the sand makes a pretty good target." I got business to conclude before I leave. Bartholomew Aloysius Lash. Friends call me Bat. Bat Lash. :'''John Stewart''': I'm John. These are my friends Diana and, uh... :'''Bruce Wayne''': Bruce. :'''John Stewart''': We're the lawmen, looking to bring a criminal to justices. :'''Diana''': You may have seen him. He's got amazing machines. We think the man who put you in here works for him. :'''David Clinton''': Not quite, Wonder Woman. :'''Diana''': How do you know who I am? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Because he's the man we're looking for. :'''David Clinton''': David Clinton, inventor of the chrono-suit, at your disposal. :'''John Stewart''': You tried to steal Batman's utility belt. :'''David Clinton''': And you chased me, but time tunnels are somewhat counter-intuitive. Even though you were only seconds behind me, I arrived here nearly six months before you did. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Where's your time travel device? :'''David Clinton''': Now, that's a story. As soon as I got here, I was robbed. :'''Diana''': By Tobias Manning. :'''David Clinton''': Yes, ma'am. He took my suit and used it to take over this town. He keeps taking trips to the future and coming back with stolen technology. He keeps me here to teach him how to use the stuff that he can't work out for himself. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bat Lash''': Which I'd suspect is most of it, what with him being so mule-stupid and all. :'''David Clinton''': It's been horrible here. Humiliating. I just want to go home. I'll gladly take my punishment if you help me get back. :'''John Stewart''': How did Tobias take over a whole town with a time machine? :'''David Clinton''': Future tech, like his extra-dimensional six-gun. :'''Bruce Wayne''': And his surveillance cameras. We need to go. Now. :'''Diana''': You're with us. :'''Bat Lash''': That's a healthy gal. :'''John Stewart''': I've got their positions. I'm gonna take 'em down. :'''Diana''': Don't hurt anyone. We could accidentally change history. :'''John Stewart''': Little late for that, don't you think? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Go ahead. Give me an excuse. :'''John Stewart''': Something's happening out there. :'''Bat Lash''': Something's happening, all right. The cavalry's arrived. :'''John Stewart''': Who are you people? :'''Sheriff Ohiyesa Smith''': Sheriff Ohiyesa Smith. :'''El Diablo''': El Diablo, ever at the service of justice. :'''Jonah Hex''': Jonah Hex. Don't have a lot of time for jawing. In these parts, there's an abundance of bad men who need setting straight. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': You're with us. :''[tears the door off David's cell]'' :'''Bat Lash''': That's a healthy gal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Jonah Hex|Jonah Hex]]''': If you all are working for Tobias, there's gonna be difficulty. :'''[[w:Bat Lash|Bat Lash]]''': Easy, Jonah - they're with me. They helped me out of a spot while I was here incognito tryin' to find out more about Tobias. :'''[[w:Pow Wow Smith|Ohiyesa Smith]]''': What have you learned? :'''Bat Lash''': Among other moral failings, the man cheats at poker. :'''Jonah Hex''': ''[scoffs]'' I could have told you that. ''[hacks and spits]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Jonah Hex''': What's your stake in this? :'''John Stewart''': We're lawmen too. :'''Jonah Hex''': From back east? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Sure. <hr width="50%"/> :'''John Stewart''': What's the plan? :'''Jonah Hex''': Plan? Huh. We put 'em in the ground. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Jonah Hex''': Fancy gun belt ya got there. I'm thinking you folks are time travelers. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Where would you get a crazy idea like that? :'''Jonah Hex''': Experience. I've had an interesting life. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce Wayne''': Go ahead... give me an excuse. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ohiyesa Smith''': We're getting close. I wanna warn you, there's some downright unusual activity goin' on hereabouts; don't let it throw you. :'''John Stewart''': Don't worry about it, we've got a lot of experience with unusu- ''[a cowboy riding a pterodactyl flies towards them]'' ...I'm sorry, you were saying? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ohiyesa Smith''': Tobias Manning's always been trouble. I've run him out of town before. Well, he came back, except this time he had... I don't know, magic powers. :'''[[w:El Diablo (comics)|El Diablo]]''': There's no such thing as magic, my friend. It was some sort of trickery. :'''Ohiyesa Smith''': Well, he "tricked" me near to death. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ohiyesa Smith''': The shots are spooking the horses! :''' Bat Lash''': The shots are spooking me! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce Wayne''': Six guns. Six of us. Nobody miss. ===''The Once and Future Thing Part 2: Time, Warped'' [1.13]=== :'''Green Lantern''': Last time I saw you, you were too young to drive. You look good for a man your age! :'''[[w: Static (comics)|Static]]''': The miracles of modern medicine. Sixty-five is the new thirty! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[met by his past self]'' Surprised to see me? :'''Batman''': A little. I'm more surprised that I lived so long. :'''[[W: Terry McGinnis|Terry McGinnis (Batman II):]]''' Batman, Bruce Wayne. Bruce Wayne, Batman. Or have you met? :'''Batman and Bruce''': ''[simultaneously]'' Not now! :'''Batman II''': Great. What did they used to call it? [[w: Stereophonic sound|Stereo?]] <hr width="50%"/> :'''Static''': Shayera was one ''cranky'' pregnant lady. Although to be fair, if I'd laid an egg that size... :'''[[w:Warhawk (Batman Beyond)|Warhawk]]''': ''[to Green Lantern]'' He's ''kidding'', Dad—not that I understand why you think this is anything to joke about. :'''Static''': Because we already won. Think about it: If old Bruce is here, that means he already lived through this as Batman. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Flawless logic...except that I have no memory of ever going to the future and meeting my older self, or of anything else that's happening today. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Chronos (comics)|Chronos]]''': The question arises: who told them where and when our targets would arrive? I mean, I told you, and I only know because I'm the undisputed master of space and time. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Chronos sends the traitorous Joker, Chucko, back to prehistoric times]'' :'''Chronos''': Enjoy your stay. :''[Chronos disappears in his portal; a Tyrannosaurus Rex appears and Chucko draws a lightsaber]'' :'''Chucko''': You think I'm scared?! I'll be running this dump in a few ye-! ''[sees a giant asteroid falling right towards him from the sky]'' ...Aw, phooey. :''[We see a massive explosion on Earth, killing the dinosaurs and Chucko. Chronos returns to Enid and the other Jokerz]'' :'''Chronos''': Do you know what killed the dinosaurs? :''[The Jokerz look around stupidly]'' :'''Bonk''': Uh, no... sir? :'''Chronos''': Well, Chucko does. And unless you wanna find out firsthand, you'll go finish off the Justice League. Skedaddle! Time is money! ''[to Enid]'' Actually, time is the non-spatial continuum in which events occur linearly, usually in the direction of increased entropy. But the clowns seem to relate better to the money thing. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman II''': We need to find Chronos. :'''Static''': How? He could be anywhere. :'''Batman''': Sometimes, the best ways are the old ways. ''[Heads for the door]'' :'''Batman II''': It's not that simple. You don't know your way around here. A lot of things have changed. :'''Batman''': ''[pauses with the door half-open]'' Are criminals still superstitious and cowardly? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Yep. :'''Batman''': Good enough for me. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The League confronts one of the Jokerz.]'' :'''Batman II''': You've got some information we need, Ghoul. :'''Ghoul''': You won't find me the talkative sort. ''[Batman grabs him]'' Hey! :'''Batman''': ''[drags Ghoul over to the edge of the building and dangles him over the edge by his leg]'' Where's Chronos? My arm's getting tired. :'''Bruce Wayne''': I can't believe I was ever that green. ''[grabs Ghoul and throws him across the rooftop before advancing on him slowly]'' ''This'' is how you interrogate someone! :''[Later]'' :'''Ghoul''': ...and we've got 9453 active Jokerz organized into about 200 smaller groups. I don't know where Chronos is! He contacts us! He spends every night in a different one of those old buildings! There's no way of knowing ahead of time where he's gonna be! And that's everything I know! :'''Bruce Wayne''': Everything? :'''Ghoul''': ... I wet my bed until I was fourteen! :'''Bruce Wayne''': Losing my patience... :'''Batman''': ''[pulls Bruce Wayne back with a hand on his shoulder]'' I can't control my friend here much longer. You'd better give us something we can use. :'''Ghoul''': His wife! I know where his wife is! :'''Static''': ''[on the sidelines, quietly]'' Wow. Batman playing ''good'' cop... ''[shakes his head in astonishment]'' :'''Green Lantern''': Everything's relative. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Warhawk''': If we don't beat this guy, it's the end of everything. :'''Batman II''': We've been there before. :'''Warhawk''': Not like this. What are you supposed to do when you have the weight of the world on your shoulders? :'''Green Lantern''': Plant your feet. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Lantern''': I don't get it. Of all the places in the city he could stay, why here? :'''Enid Clinton''': Because a loser with a kingdom is still just a loser! See for yourself! ''[opens the time-displaced Elkhorn town jail, where Chronos is sleeping, curled up and sucking his thumb]'' :'''Chronos:''' ''[wakes up]'' Huh- Uh- Enid? :'''Green Lantern''': Nice on the stealth thing, lady. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Chronos! :'''Chronos:''' Wow. You ''are'' good. ''[turns to Enid]'' Isn't he good? :'''Batman''': Look at what's happening around you! Look at the sky! :''[Above them, existence is becoming a white void]'' :'''Chronos''': ''[with a crazed smile]'' Pretty... :'''Green Lantern''': Stay with us, man! We have a problem here! :'''Chronos''': Right, you're right. This calls for another approach. ''[kisses Enid on the cheek and activates a portal]'' You'll love me next time! :''[Batman and Green Lantern pursue Chronos into the portal.]'' :'''Batman''': Where's he going? There's nothing left! :'''Green Lantern''': Yes, there is - the beginning of time. :'''Batman''': He can reset everything; make himself into a god! :'''Green Lantern''': Only if he gets there first. :''[Ahead of them, the image of a swirling pattern in the palm of a hand appears.]'' :'''Green Lantern''': The Green Lanterns have a legend. No one can see the beginning of time. It's a universal law! :'''Batman''': Write him a ticket! :''[Green Lantern forms manacles that seize Chronos and pull him back.]'' :'''Chronos''': NO! :''[Batman inserts the disk he's written into the time-travel belt.]'' :'''Batman''': Uploading the program... :'''Green Lantern''': Make it fast! Having a little trouble with the brakes! :''[They are suddenly back where they started, in the Watchtower cafeteria.]'' :'''Green Lantern''': ... That all... really happened? :'''Batman''': Think so. :'''Green Lantern''': Then... we won? Everything's back to normal? :'''Wonder Woman''': That's a nasty cut, John. :''[Green Lantern touches the cut he got during their adventure.]'' :'''Batman''': ''[to Wonder Woman]'' You don't remember going on a mission with us today, do you? :'''Wonder Woman''': I just got here. :'''Batman''': ''[in an undertone to Green Lantern]'' The timeline's restored to equilibrium. We're the only two people who remember what happened. :''[Green Lantern notices Shayera, who merely gives him an offhanded look]'' :'''Green Lantern''': That... complicates things. What happened to Chronos? :'''Batman''': ''[amusement in his voice]'' I reprogrammed the belt to make sure that Chronos would never come to exist. :''[Flash to the future, when Chronos first tried to jump though time to escape his wife. Every time he punches the button, he arrives back in the same moment he would have left.]'' ==Season 2== ===''The Cat and the Canary'' [2.1]=== :'''[[w: Black Canary|Black Canary]]''': Black Canary. :'''Green Arrow''': Green Arrow. ''[They shake hands]'' I've noticed you around. :'''Black Canary''': I know. You happy punching the bag or you wanna go a few rounds with me? ''[Green Arrow stares awkwardly]'' I ''am'' talking about sparring. :'''Green Arrow''': That'd be nice too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': Well, at least now I understand why you brought me along. You didn't need Green Arrow - you just needed "green." :'''Black Canary''': It isn't like that! :'''Green Arrow''': No? Then tell me - what's it like? :'''Black Canary''': I thought I could trust you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wildcat''': What is this? :'''Black Canary''': We want to help you, Ted. We want to get you out of here. :'''Wildcat''': Why? Does it look like I have a problem? :'''Black Canary''': You do if you don't see what you've become here! You're entertainment for these people! The rooster in a cockfight! :'''Wildcat''': Fighting is what I ''do'', alright? It was all I was ever good at and I'm ''still'' good at it - I'm Wildcat, the guy who fights! That's what I am. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wildcat''': I'll be there in ten minutes. :'''Black Canary''': Would those be real minutes or Wildcat minutes? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': Uh, there's no place to change. :'''Black Canary''': Right here'll do. :''[they turn their backs to each other and Dinah begins to undress, Ollie sneaks a look over his shoulder.]'' :'''Black Canary''': You drop something? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Roulette''': That's right. Two good guys, fighting each other. And one of them's her. ''[cut to Black Canary, then cut to the audience, where male jaws are dropping]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Black Canary''': ''[To Roulette]'' Then here's the deal: If I win, you ban Wildcat from cage fighting forever. And If I lose, ''[to Wildcat]'' I'll never bother you again. :'''Wildcat''': Forget it! :'''[[w:Roulette (DC Comics)|Roulette]]''': Can't do that, Cat - it's much too good an idea. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Black Canary''': You don’t understand, if we leave here without Wildcat, or worse, if I use my power to force him out, he'll just come back. We have to settle this the only way he understands. :'''Green Arrow''': You're not really gonna fight him... :'''Black Canary''': I have to. And beat him, it's the only way he can stop. :'''Green Arrow''': ''[takes an arrow]'' I thought it was just you pretending again. :'''Black Canary''': What's that supposed to mean? :'''Green Arrow''': Like all the flirting you did at the Watchtower. The way you acted interested. To get me to come with you. :'''Black Canary''': Who said that was pretending? :'''Green Arrow''': Oh no, I know your game now. :'''Black Canary''': It's not always a game. :'''Green Arrow''': No? Come here, look me in the eye and say so. ''[Black Canary comes closer to Green Arrow, who knocks her out with gas from the arrow; Roulette enters the room and sees Black Canary unconscious]'' Don't worry. You'll still get your main event. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Black Canary''': ''[to Green Arrow, who she thinks is dead]'' You know, that was an incredibly stupid thing to do. Not to mention arrogant, pig-headed, macho, and... very very sweet. ''[kisses him]'' I'm sorry... :'''Green Arrow''': ''[opens eyes]'' I'm not. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': Care to join me for a cup of coffee? :'''Black Canary''': Yeah. :'''Green Arrow''': Good. You're buying. :''[As he limps away, Canary smiles.]'' ===''The Ties That Bind'' [2.2]=== :'''Oberon''': Craziest stunt you ever pulled... :'''Mr. Miracle''': That's why we're rehearsing it. :'''Oberon''': Kid's got an answer for everything. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mr. Miracle has just performed a seemingly impossible escape]'' :'''[[w:Big Barda|Big Barda]]''': ''[Relieved; hugs him]'' Scott! I thought you were dead! ''[angry; picks him up]'' You insufferable showboat! I thought you were dead! <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Mister Miracle|Mister Miracle]]''': Hey, where is Oberon? :'''Granny Goodness''': Don't worry, dumpling. He's safe and sound, in Granny's loving care! Of course, if you ever want to see the old runt alive again, you'll do exactly as Granny says. :'''Big Barda''': You demented old gargoyle... <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Flash (comics)|Flash]]''': Could it hurt them to show me just a little respect? :'''[[w:Elongated Man|Elongated Man]]''': Tell me about it, I've been at this longer than you and they still treat me like comic relief. :'''Flash''': Better than being treated like a teenage sidekick! I mean, I was one of the original seven! Tell me the truth, Ralph, do I seem immature to you? :'''Elongated Man''': Not in the least. :''[Widen to show they are playing "Brawlin' Bots"]'' :'''Flash''': Ha! I bopped your block off! :'''Elongated Man''': That-that's not fair, the green guy's arms are longer! :'''Flash''': Are not! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Big Barda''': We don't need these cowards! We can do it on our own! :'''Flash''': Great news, Bertha! You don't have to! :''[Barda seizes him by the throat] :'''Big Barda''': BARDA! :'''Flash''': ''[squeaks]'' Isn't that what I said? <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Virman Vundabar|Virman Vundabar]]''': Kalibak, Kalibak, Kalibak... I have used every vile punishment, every known torture, yet still you refuse to join Virman Vundabar's noble cause. :'''[[w:Kalibak|Kalibak]]''': You're about as noble as my armpit. :'''Virman Vundabar''': Very well, you've forced me to my last resort! ''[reaches into his uniform]'' Cake! ''[Kalibak licks his lips, but then spits at Vundabar]'' Oh, did I say that was my last resort? My mistake, I have one more! ''[activates torture device]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Oberon (comics)|Oberon]]''': You've always been this deluded? Or is it just since senility set in? :'''[[w:Granny Goodness|Granny Goodness]]''': Oh! You wound Granny. But not as much as Granny is going to wound you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Granny Goodness''': Are you enjoying Granny's hospitality? :'''Oberon''': Ah, blow it out your shorts, ya goose-stepping harpy! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash''': Not that I mind the exercise, but couldn't your boob tube have transported us any closer? :'''Big Barda''': It's "boom tube"! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Virman Vundabar''': Ah, this should be a magnificent show, even if I already know the ending. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Big Barda is fighting the robot guards]'' :'''Flash''': Robots! I ''love'' smashing robots! :'''Mr. Miracle''': No! You've got something more important to do. Search this place and find Kalibak. :'''Flash''': Will you two be all - ''[robot head flies past]'' Okay! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kalibak''': Well, if it isn't my treacherous stepbrother. And his ''cow.'' :'''Big Barda''': Arrogant worm! How dare you -! ''[swings at him]'' :'''Flash''': ''Knock it off!'' What are you guys, twelve? I can't believe ''I'm'' the mature one here. :'''Mr. Miracle''': He's right. We've got bigger problems. :'''Virman Vundabar''': Indeed you do, fools! Much bigger! And, oh, how I will delight in watching you fail! ''[Barda blasts the monitor]'' [[w:Arte Johnson|Very interesting...but futile]]. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kalibak''': Saved by a female! :'''Flash''': ''[To Big Barda]'' Guess you'd better drop him. ''[Big Barda starts to drop him]'' ''KIDDING!'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Scott Free is trapped in a room rapidly filling with water]'' :'''Virman Vundabar''': Enjoying your bath, Mr. Miracle? Here at Casa de Vundabar, we provide everything, including your very last breath! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kalibak''': Vundabar's not done with us yet! :''[An entire army of guard robots suddenly attack]'' :'''Flash''': Hope you're happy! :'''Kalibak''': Indeed I am! :''[Big Barda and Kalibak smash the guards, Miracle and Flash hang back]'' :'''Flash''': Shouldn't we...? :'''Mr. Miracle''': And spoil their fun? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Martian Manhunter''': ''[to Granny Goodness]'' Try not to think about where you've got Oberon hidden. - ''[to Flash]'' Darkseid's old palace. I'll guide you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mr. Miracle''': Ah, it's good to see you, old friend! :'''Oberon''': It's good to see me, too! :'''Big Barda''': All the trouble we had to go through because of you. :'''Oberon''': All legs, and no heart. :'''Big Barda''': You're just too far away to hear it. :''[kneels and hugs him]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[as Scott and his party depart Apokolips]'' :'''Granny Goodness''': How? Granny never failed with any of them. How did she fail with him? :'''Big Barda''': ''[comes back]'' Oh, one last thing... :''[She delivers a right cross to Granny's jaw, knocking her cold.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Martian Manhunter''': Flash- :'''Flash''': Yeah, I know, I know, I went behind your back! But look how everything turned out! We boom back here for you, the switch went off perfectly, and now we've got Kalibak locked up on Earth where neither side can use him! :'''Martian Manhunter''': You don't- :'''Flash''': So, yeah! I did go behind your back, but you know what? I'd do it again! What do you say to that, big guy? :'''Martian Manhunter''': I was only going to ask if you wanted to play Brawlin' Bots. ''[smiles]'' :'''Flash''': ...Dibs on the green one! ''[zooms away]'' :'''Martian Manhunter''': I wanted the green one... ===''The Doomsday Sanction'' [2.3]=== :'''Anchorman''': In the Caribbean, the San Baquero volcano went active during the night, sending a cloud of ash miles into the air. Geologists predict a devastating eruption sometime within the week. Sources report the Justice League has offered to help the Baqueran authorities with the evacuation. :'''Amanda Waller''': Yeah, have the car ready in 20 minutes and get all the division heads in for the meeting an hour early. :'''Anchorman''': Closer to home, the political world is still reeling from Lex Luthor's surprise announcement of his candidacy for President of the United States. Overnight polling among likely voters shows Luthor to be within striking distance of both major party candidates. :'''Batman''': Get dressed. It's time we talked. <hr width="50%"/> :''[As he intercepts her on her bath]'' :'''Batman''': Amanda Waller. Born in St. Louis, Rhodes scholar, PhD in Political Science. Served in Intelligence, under three administrations. Disappeared from public life, four years ago. :'''Amanda Waller''': ''[deadpan]'' Am I supposed to be impressed? Maybe I should rattle off ''[[W:Bruce Wayne|your]]'' resume now? Y'know, I ''could'' blow the whistle on you any time I want... :'''Batman''': Fine, why don't we step into the light ''together''? I'm sure the American people will be just as interested in ''your'' activities as mine - Secret weapons, illegal cloning experiments, bypassing Congress... :'''Amanda Waller''': What do you want!? :'''Batman''': I want to know what you think you're doing. :'''Amanda Waller''': Did Superman ever mention that to get [[W:Lex Luthor|Luthor's]] pardon, he had to tell us about your parallel universe adventure? ''All about it?'' We started to wonder what would happen if you took the same action that the Justice Lords did, so I had my people run some computer simulations. If the Justice League ever went rogue, ''what do you think would be the result''? :'''Batman''': That's moot. :'''Amanda Waller''': ''[Dryly]'' Humor me. In every single scenario, you beat us. Badly. But that was before [[W:Project Cadmus (DC Comics)|Cadmus.]] Now we have the technology to defend ourselves. :'''Batman''': ''[Threatening]'' Whatever you ''think'' you're doing, if you present a threat to the world, the Justice League will take you down... :'''Amanda Waller''': ''[Angry]'' If ''we'' present a threat!? You got a ''[[W:Watchtower (DC Comics)|spaceship]]'' floating over our heads with a laser weapon pointing ''down''! In another dimension, seven of you overthrew the government and assassinated the President! ''We're'' the good guys, protecting our country from a very real threat: ''you''. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash''': How long is this gonna take? I thought we had an island to evacuate. :'''Wonder Woman''': First team's already down there. We'll join them as soon as we're done. I want to hear what you learned. :'''Batman''': Project Cadmus is in the business of developing weapons, specifically to fight us. :'''Martian Manhunter''': They're worried we've grown too powerful, and they want to even the odds. :'''Batman''': Exactly. They were behind that business with the Ultimen and the Supergirl clone. :'''Dr. Emil Hamilton''': Galatea will be fully recovered soon and ready to return to active duty. :'''Amanda Waller''': And the doomsday weapon? :'''Dr. Emil Hamilton''': Considering the damage done to its frontal lobe, the cellular regeneration has been remarkable. Its EEG's are still flat. Nonetheless, we're monitoring it closely. :'''Amanda Waller''': Keep me updated. Tala, have you developed a plan to retrieve the armor? :'''Tala''': We've come up with some promising scenarios, but they're going to require certain additional resources. :'''Amanda Waller''': Fine. See me after. :'''Flash''': What are they so worried about? We'd never try to take over like that. :'''Batman''': The Justice Lords did in their dimension. What's to stop us? :'''Flash''': Me! Those guys went overboard because their Flash died. So as long as you all focus on keeping me alive, that'll never happen here. :'''Martian Manhunter''': Let's put a pin in that theory to explore another time. :'''Superman''': I've seen the federal budget. There's no funding for a Project Cadmus. Where's the money coming from? :'''Martian Manhunter''': We're all thinking the same thing. :'''Wonder Woman''': Luthor. :'''Batman''': The obvious suspect. He funded General Hardcastle's rogue operations. But if he's bankrolling Cadmus, he's doing an excellent job of covering his tracks. I've got The Question looking into it, and-- :'''Wonder Woman, Superman, Hawkgirl, Green Lantern, Flash, and Martian Manhunter''': Awwwww! :'''Flash''': Not that kook! :'''Batman''': I admit he's wound a bit too tightly, but if anyone can find a hidden link from Luthor to Cadmus, he's the man. In the meantime, I'll be following the trail from Waller's end. :'''Amanda Waller''': And Dr. Milo, splicing together human and animal DNA, how's that going? :'''Dr. Milo''': I know what you're thinking, but my experiments are actually quite close to paying off. Dr. Langston's research has proven very useful. I just need a little more time, and I promise I'll have something concrete to show you. :'''Amanda Waller''': Concrete? Like, say, the super-powered wart hog that tore up your lab last week? Professor Hamilton's already showed me the remains. :'''Dr. Milo''': That... That was just a prototype. :'''Amanda Waller''': Dr. Milo, I'm not known for my sense of humor, but I know a sick joke when I see one. In light of the continuing lack of results from your work, I'm pulling your funding. In accordance with the Technological Clearances Act, we'll set you up in a new non-vital capacity and confiscate your classified research. As you're well aware, any public discussion of Cadmus or its work will result in your immediate sanction. And rest assured, doctor, our people will be keeping... You can go now. :'''Dr. Milo''': I know you're faking. The lobotomized portion of your brain has completely regrown. Do you remember anything from before? That's all right. I'll show you. You've been used, and you deserve to know. You see, you were created from a sample of Superman's genetic material. But your DNA was altered to make you his superior. And then you were trained to hate him. You were conditioned, humiliated, repeatedly injured... but not by Superman. By Amanda Waller and Professor Emil Hamilton. When you became uncontrollable, they tried to dispose of you. They put you in a rocket and shot you into space. But you were too strong. Your struggles threw the rocket off course... and it came back to Earth. When you landed, you fought a different Superman, one from a parallel universe. He lobotomized you. :'''Doomsday''': Superman. :'''Dr. Milo''': Yes. Good. But he isn't your enemy. Your hatred of him was manufactured. At every turn, Waller and Hamilton abused and betrayed you just as they betrayed me. Don't we both deserve retribution? :'''Doomsday''': Yes. Release me. :'''Dr. Milo''': And you'll solve both our problems? :'''Doomsday''': Yes. :'''Dr. Milo''': What are you...? :'''Doomsday''': Your problem's solved. Now for Superman. :'''Security Guard''': No! :'''Amanda Waller''': What's going on? :'''Security Guard''': Ma'am, Doomsday's escaped. :'''Amanda Waller''': Milo. I'll have his hide for this. :'''Security Guard''': Doomsday beat you to it, ma'am. :'''Flash''': Our radios are barely working. I'm spending half my time running messages around. :'''Wonder Woman''': It's the electromagnetic interference from the volcano. Superman, how's it going in there? Can you read me any better than before? :'''Superman''': You're dropping in and out. It depends on where I am. I'm trying to ease the pressure on the volcano. If I can dig some tunnels off the main core, maybe I can stop the eruption before it starts. :'''Wonder Woman''': When will you be able to tell if it's working? :'''Superman''': Hard to say. I could just as easily set it off, so I have to go slow. Just get everyone clear as soon as you can. :'''Doomsday''': Superman. I'm here to kill you. Is this a bad time? I remember those eyes. Let's see you do that again. :'''Superman''': I know who you are, but I'm not the one who hurt you. :'''Doomsday''': Superman is Superman, and I will kill you. :'''Superman''': Why? :'''Doomsday''': It's what I am. I don't care why. :'''Wade Eiling''': GPS puts the stolen pod on San Baquero. Doomsday went right back after Superman. I love a well-conditioned soldier. :'''Amanda Waller''': And what will your soldier do after he's killed Superman? We can't leave him loose. For all we know, he'll try to kill everyone on the planet. He has to be stopped before he leaves that island. :'''Wade Eiling''': But how am I supposed to...? :'''Amanda Waller''': I don't care! Get it done! :'''Wade Eiling''': This is Eiling. Authorization: firewall. Target locked. Package is ready. :'''Henchmann''': Deliver the package. :'''Wonder Woman''': Superman, give me an update. :'''Superman''': Something's come up. Just keep doing what you're doing. :'''Wonder Woman''': Where are you? I'll come help. :'''Superman''': No. Stay with the evacuation. This isn't important. Getting those people to safety is. :'''Wonder Woman''': Move it out. :'''Batman''': Another transport just landed on the mainland. They're over half done. :'''Martian Manhunter''': I don't believe it. It's a nuclear missile headed straight for San Baquero. :'''Batman''': And from the spectrograph, its warhead's lined with kryptonite. Can we hit it from up here? :'''Martian Manhunter''': No. It's moving too fast. But who fired it? :'''Amanda Waller''': Yes, Mr. President? :'''Batman''': Call off the missile. :'''Amanda Waller''': How did you get this number...? :'''Batman''': The missile headed for San Baquero. If anyone dies on that island today, I'm coming for you. :'''Amanda Waller''': You do what you have to, and so will I. Eiling! :'''Batman''': She didn't know. :'''Martian Manhunter''': Captain Atom's on his way from California. :'''Batman''': His top speed's under Mach 2. He'll never get there in time. :'''Vibe''': Oh...! :'''Booster Gold''': Hey! :'''Batman''': Clear the hangar! Now! :'''Watchtower computer''': Initiating emergency drop in three, two, one. :'''Martian Manhunter''': You're going too fast. :'''Batman''': If I let the Earth's gravity accelerate me, I should reach intercept in two minutes. :'''Martian Manhunter''': If you don't burn up on entry. :'''Amanda Waller''': What were you thinking? You're gonna kill Superman and everyone else on the island! :'''Wade Eiling''': We have to sanction Doomsday. We were gonna get to Superman somewhere down the line, and we've been trying to stop drug traffic from San Baquero for years. The way I see it: three birds, one stone. :'''Amanda Waller''': Call it off. :'''Wade Eiling''': Anti-abort safeties have already engaged. I couldn't stop it now if I wanted to. :'''Martian Manhunter''': Wonder Woman, can you hear me? There's a missile with a kryptonite warhead heading for your position. :'''Wonder Woman''': Say again. :'''Martian Manhunter''': Repeat, there's a kryptonite missile heading your way. Can you read me? :'''Wonder Woman''': Flash, get everyone as far away as you can. I'm going back for Superman. :'''Flash''': But... :'''Wonder Woman''': Do it now! :'''Batman''': The missile's armed with magnetic repulsers. :'''Martian Manhunter''': The only way past that is with the javelin itself. You could give the hull an opposing charge. :'''Batman''': Understood. :'''Martian Manhunter''': Batman? Batman, come in. :''[Superman attempts to lobotomize Doomsday with heat vision]'': :'''Doomsday''': Ah, ah, ah. Can't be beat me the same way twice! :'''Superman''': Then I guess I'll need a bigger fire! :''[Superman tosses Doomsday into the volcano.]'' :'''Superman''': Did Cadmus create you? J'onn? :'''Martian Manhunter''': I can't read his mind. His brain's been altered to resist me. :'''Superman''': You don't owe anything to them. They manipulated you and then tried to kill you. :'''Doomsday''': So I keep hearing. :'''Superman''': From who? :'''Doomsday''': All you need to know is that I will get free, and I will kill you. :'''Superman''': If that's your final word. I only use this as a last resort. It's gonna send you to another dimension. You won't be hurt, but you also won't hurt anyone else again. :'''Doomsday''': ''[before being sent to the Phantom Zone, encased in molten rock]'' You'll wish you'd killed me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': What's to stop us? :'''Flash''': Me! Those guys went overboard because their Flash died. So as long as you all focus on keeping me alive, that'll never happen here. :''[Martian Manhunter, Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, and Hawkgirl stare at him.]'' :'''Martian Manhunter''': Let's put a pin in that theory to explore another time. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I've got the Question looking into it and- :'''Flash''': Not that kook! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amanda Waller''': Doctor Milo, I'm not known for my sense of humor, but I know a sick joke when I see one. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Milo''': ''[Seeing Doomsday approach him]'' What are you...? :'''Doomsday''': Your problem solved. :''[Doomsday kills Milo while he screams]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amanda Waller''': [[W:Doctor Achilles Milo|Milo]]! I'll have his hide for this. :'''Security Guard''': [[W:Doomsday (comics)|Doomsday]] beat you to it, ma'am. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Doomsday''': Superman. I'm here to kill you. Is this a bad time? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': I know who you are. But I'm not the one who hurt you. :'''Doomsday''': Superman is Superman. And I will kill you. :'''Superman''': Why? :'''Doomsday''': It's what I am; I don't care why. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Superman and Wonder Woman step into the infirmary to visit Batman, recovering after stopping the San Baquero missile]'' :'''Wonder Woman''': ''[Joking]'' You'll do anything to avoid monitor duty... :'''Batman''': Sent him ''[Doomsday]'' off to the [[W: Phantom Zone (DC Comics)|Phantom Zone,]] didn't you? :'''Superman''': He left us no choice. :'''Batman''': Spoken like a true Justice Lord... :'''Superman''': ''[Offended]'' What!? Come on! :'''Batman''': Passing judgment like gods... With our super-powered army and our orbiting death ray... Cadmus is right to be scared - ''the human race wouldn't stand a chance...'' :'''Superman''': We'd never go there! It isn't in our nature and nothing can change that! :'''Batman''': ''Nothing?'' What if Luthor does become President, like he did in their world? ''What would stop you from doing what that Superman did!?'' :'''Superman''': There's always that Kryptonite you carry around... :'''Batman''': You don't get to joke! Not today! ''[Points at him]'' I just took a bullet for you! :'''Superman''': I'm sorry, Bruce. You're right. But you don't have to worry about the Justice League. Trust me. You know me. :'''Batman''': Yeah, I do. :'''Superman''': Get some rest. ===''Task Force X'' [2.4]=== :'''[[w:Deadshot|Deadshot]]''': ''[as his handcuffs are unlocked]'' What if I don't want to go with him? :'''[[w:Rick Flagg|Colonel Rick Flagg]]''': Then you can go and take your [[w:Electric_chair|seat]], tough guy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Floyd Lawton''': So what do I call you? :'''Colonel Rick Flagg''': The name' s Flagg. Colonel Flagg. :'''Floyd Lawton''': Colonel... Flagg? :'''Floyd Lawton''': You're kidding, right? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Deadshot''': What do you want, exactly? :'''Rick Flagg''': You're gonna do something patriotic, convict. :'''Deadshot''': Groovy. Who do I kill? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Deadshot''': An expert with nothing to lose... this must be some nasty business. :'''Rick Flagg''': A little B-and-E, a little grand larceny. No big deal. :'''Deadshot''': Right. What's the target? ''[Flagg hands him a dossier]'' :'''Colonel Rick Flagg''': Justice League headquarters. :'''Deadshot''': Always did want to die for my country. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Captain Boomerang|Captain Boomerang]]''': Ah, so we'll make our way there, pretty as you please, then maybe a picnic lunch and the Justice League will give us a ride home. We may as well be storming Heaven's Gate itself. :'''[[w:Clock King|Clock King]]''': Unlike Heaven, this tower has a duty roster. One I've studied thoroughly. I've scheduled your visit for when they're at their weakest. :'''Captain Boomerang''': Define "weakest", please. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rick Flagg''': Okay, Plastique, you're setting the charge, and Superman walks in the room. :'''[[w:Plastique (comics)|Plastique]]''': You said he wouldn't be there! :'''Colonel Rick Flagg''': Last minute change in the duty roster, Superman's got the drop on you - what do you do? :'''Plastique''': Before or after I change my [[w:Diaper|Diaper]]? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Deadshot''': I thought he was gonna wet himself when you mentioned the Martian. He couldn't let us through fast enough. :'''Plastique''': That was nothing. I almost lost it when this bonehead set off the metal detector. :'''Captain Boomerang''': Seventy-five cents is seventy-five cents. I'm supposed to throw away money? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Task Force X readies their weapons in an elevator.]'' :'''Deadshot''': ''[addressing Colonel Flag]'' And you? Going in unarmed? :'''Captain Boomerang''': This one don't need no weapons. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Deadshot and Plastique board the elevator; Green Lantern catches the door with his ring]'' :'''Green Lantern''': Hey. :'''Deadshot''': How ya doin'. :''[Brief silence; Deadshot gives Plastique a sidelong glance]'' :'''Deadshot''': Uh, excuse me, Mr. Lantern? For six weeks now, my wife's been after me for Hawkgirl's autograph; you wouldn't know where she's at today, would you? :'''Green Lantern''': ''[annoyed]'' Haven't seen her. ''[gets off elevator]'' :'''Deadshot''': Okay, thanks anyway. :'''Plastique''': You are a ''very'' bad boy. :'''Deadshot''': Tell me you didn't love it. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Task Force X is attempting to escape the Watchtower; they burst onto the transport deck]'' :'''Martian Manhunter''': Ask yourselves - is being in here with me what you truly desire? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Deadshot''': C'est la vie. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amanda Waller''': You really think we can do something with this? :'''Tala''': An invulnerable juggernaut forged by the gods? Oh yes, Ms. Waller, most definitely. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Deadshot''': Most fun I've had since my last root canal. Well gang, guess I'll be saying- :''[Attacked by Colonel Flagg]'' :'''Colonel Rick Flagg''': Dream on, dirtbag. Five years. You sign up for missions like this for five years. If you survive, then you go free. You don't like it, there's a nice warm seat waiting for you back at Belle Reve Correctional. :'''Deadshot''': Tell me, Colonel - what's Waller got on you? :'''Colonel Rick Flagg''': Not a thing. Some of us don't have to be blackmailed into serving their country. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Lantern''': How did you know Vance was the inside man? :'''Martian Manunter''': He was the only one on the tower whose mind I couldn't read. Cadmus must have supplied him with a sophisticated method of masking his thoughts. :'''Green Lantern''': So, what do we do with him now? :'''Martian Manhunter''': I'd like to go in there and wipe clean the last two years of his memory. :'''Green Lantern''': Whoa. That's a little harsh, don't you think? :'''Martian Manhunter''': He's a liability. :'''Green Lantern''': I'm sure he's spilled everything he knows to Cadmus. :'''Martian Manhunter''': Don't you understand? We can't trust him. :'''Green Lantern''': J'onn... we can't trust anyone now. :'''Plastique''': Cool it, Martian. Back off, freak show, or the meat puppet eats it. :'''Colonel Rick Flagg''': Come here. Let's go, girl. :'''Plastique''': I've set this for 30 seconds. Plenty of time for you to disarm. Or not, as the case may be. :'''Captain Atom''': Not very ladylike behavior, ma'am. :'''Colonel Rick Flagg''': Unh! Plastique! :'''Plastique''': Ah! :'''Deadshoot''': C'est la vie. :'''Martian Manhunter''': Tend to her. They thought of everything. :'''Amanda Waller''': You really think we can do something with this? :'''Tala''': An invulnerable juggernaut forged by the gods? Oh, yes, Miss Waller, most definitely. :'''Amanda Waller''': I heard we lost Plastique. :'''Colonel Rick Flagg''': Yes, ma'am. You'll have my full report by 0800. :'''Amanda Waller''': Right. That'll be all. Rick, you're a good soldier. Your father would be proud. :'''Rick Flagg''': Ma'am. ===''The Balance'' [2.5]=== :'''Felix Faust''': That's never going to work. When did the Greeks ever use precipitate of bismuth in their potions? :'''Tala''': The Greeks didn't. But I'm making a counter-potion, remember? :'''[[w:Felix Faust|Felix Faust]]''': Tala, you've come a long way since my untimely demise. But the student, however gifted, still has much to learn from the teacher. :'''Tala''': And I'm supposed to take advice from you, when without my spell, your spirit would have been — poof! — lost on the winds. :'''Felix Faust''': Yes. So very kind of you to trap me in this mirror for all eternity. :'''Tala''': Beats the alternative. :'''Felix Faust''': True enough. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tala''': This is really bad, isn't it? :'''Felix Faust''': You have no idea. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash''': I had dinner with two women at the same time. 'Cause I'm a stud. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Etrigan''': ''[screaming, shifting between demon and human forms]'' The gates of Tartarus swing both ways! AARGH! The balance tilts towards chaos! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zatanna''': ''[speaking backwards]'' Lleh fo enorht eht no stis tsuaf! Tsol si lla! ''["All is lost! Faust sits on the throne of Hell!"]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': Flash! :'''Hermes''': No, it's the original speedster. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hermes''': I've got something for you, here, it's pretty important. Zeus paid for overnight service. Here it is. ''[Hands her a scroll]'' :'''Wonder Woman''':''[reading]'' "For a good time, call Podenemus"...? :'''Hermes''': ''[Grabs the scroll]'' Wha-uh-, heh-heh... Wrong scroll. I think I got a shot, it's her cell number... Here we go. ''[reads]'' "By decree of Zeus, father of Olympus, it is so ordered: Diana of Themyscira will travel to Tartarus and set right that what has been disturbed." :'''Wonder Woman''': He's telling me to go to... :'''Hermes''': Basically. Felix Faust is on the loose again. :'''Wonder Woman''': Felix Faust is dead. :'''Hermes''': Yes, and pretty upset about it, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hermes''': The Amazons did their best to stop him. They're good but they were out of their weight class. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hermes''': You must defeat Faust and restore Hades to the throne of Tartarus. :'''Wonder Woman''': So far as I'm concerned they deserve each other! Why should I care about this? :'''Hermes''': You mean, other than the direct-order-from-the-gods thing? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': ''[walking in on Wonder Woman taking her mace]'' We become pals while I wasn't looking? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Demons are attacking Shayera; one grabs her wing but suddenly backs away]'' :'''Shayera Hol''': ''[spreads her wings]'' That's right, I'm an angel! You can mess with me if you want to... ''[points upward]'' But I don't think you wanna mess with the boss! ''[Demons retreat]'' If we're lucky, they'll all be that dumb. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': Where's Faust? :'''[[w:Abnegazar|Abnegazar]]''': Let me think... oh, yeah! He's over there! No, wait! He's over there! No, there! :'''Shayera Hol''': One more answer, and it better be the right one. :'''Abnegazar''': Or what? You'll kill me? Gosh, I might end up suffering eternal torment as punishment for my sins! Oh, wait - I ALREADY AM! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Wonder Woman has used her lasso to compel a demon to reveal Felix Faust's location]'' :'''Shayera Hol''': How did you do that? :'''Wonder Woman''': Magic lasso. Who knew? :'''Shayera Hol''': If you don't want to tell me, fine. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Wonder Woman has a demon tied up with her lasso.]'' :'''Shayera Hol''': I've got one more question: is there anything else we should know? :'''Abnegazar''': Yeah. You really, really shouldn't go in there. Now, could you please take this rope off of me? I'm a demon! The truth hurts. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Faust is in Hades' library]'' :'''[[w:Felix Faust|Felix Faust]]''': Now I'm in heaven...! Figuratively speaking. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': We're revoking your library card. :'''Felix Faust''': Oh, you want to fight. Not in the mood. ''[Sends them away with a spell, then goes back to his book]'' Darn it, lost my place. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': You okay? :'''Shayera Hol''': Yeah. Didn't think I'd need a jacket where we were going. Aren't you cold in that outfit? :'''Wonder Woman''': Not really. :'''Shayera Hol''': Of course not. The princess doesn't get cold. The princess doesn't even sweat in the fire pits of Tartarus. :'''Wonder Woman''': I do too sweat. :'''Shayera Hol''': Please, you glow. I wouldn't be surprised if you never have to - :''[In the distance, Hades screams]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': Come on. We're putting you back on the throne. :'''Hades''': Or die trying? :'''Shayera Hol''': Not in the plan. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Wonder Woman attacks Faust with Shayera's mace.]'' :'''Wonder Woman''': I hit a lot harder than she does. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Wonder Woman helps Shayera to her feet.]'' :'''Shayera Hol''': You're all sweaty. :'''Wonder Woman''': Told you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hades''': ''[Surveying a burning library]'' Ah well, who has time to read these days? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': What about us? Are we good? :'''Shayera Hol''': Like oil and vinegar. We go together, but we don't mix. :'''Wonder Woman''': Works for me. ===''Double Date'' [2.6]=== :'''Huntress''': Steven Mandragora. Been a while. I've changed some since we met last. But you haven't changed. All these years you've been building your empire with thievery and murder. But it ends tonight. No. :'''Martian Manhunter''': Huntress! :'''Huntress''': John, I... :'''Martian Manhunter''': You were warned. You were told to stay away from Mandragora. You have violated my direct orders. You've crossed the line. :'''Huntress''': You've been watching me? :'''Martian Manhunter''': Given what occurred tonight, I'd say it was a wise precaution. :'''Huntress''': You know what Mandragora did. And I almost had him. He should have been there, but someone tipped him. You did it. :'''Martian Manhunter''': I had Mandragora moved, yes. For his own protection. And yours. :'''Huntress''': All right, J'onn, so I get some Justice League demerits. Fine. Just spare me the lecture. I can find him without your help. :'''Martian Manhunter''': You misunderstand. Tonight was a test, and you failed. Pack your things, Huntress. You're out. You'll need to turn in your identification card immediately. :'''Huntress''': Fine. I hope you choke on it. :'''Question''': Oh, Cadmus, Cadmus, wherefore art thou, Cadmus? I know there's a connection. Don't think I won't find it. :'''Huntress''': You're the League's data guy, the conspiracy buff, right? Wildcat says you're a nutjob. :'''Question''': Funny, he says the same thing about you. :'''Huntress''': He's right. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Huntress''': You must be the ugliest guy of all time, Question, hiding your face like that. :'''Question''': Go away. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Huntress''': Wow. I had no idea that the Girl Scouts were responsible for the crop circle phenomenon. :'''Question''': Few people do. Few even think to ask the question. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Huntress''': Do you know what "apophenia" is? :'''Question''': Apophenia, noun. The tendency to see connections where none exists. Did you come here just to make fun of my work? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Steven Mandragora''': Speaking of squealing, Black Canary, I notice you can't take your eyes off of me. One can hardly blame you. Perhaps after Agent Faraday helps absolve me of my alleged crimes, I could put you in a cage and have you sing for me. :'''Green Arrow''': Listen, you giant tub of...! :'''Agent Faraday''': Green Arrow, may I remind you that you're here strictly in a security capacity? :'''Steven Mandragora''': Yes, why don't you go and fetch me another four platters of oysters like a good little leprechaun? I'm sure your girlfriend and I will have much to discuss while you're gone. I like my oysters sweet, by the way. Sweet and juicy. :'''Black Canary''': Let him talk, Arrow. With all the enemies he's made, he never knows if he's eating his last meal. :''[Mandragora laughs heartily]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Huntress''': Oh, baby doll. And just for the record, I usually prefer my dates to have a face. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Black Canary''': Faraday's right, Arrow. Relax, nothing this guy can say is gonna affect me one way or the other. :'''Steven Mandragora''': Is that right? Well then, perhaps you won't mind explaining how a lovely young lady like you ends up with a nobody like him. Were all the real men in the Justice League already taken? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Green Arrow and Black Canary had been kicked out of Mandragora's house after she punched him]'' :'''Black Canary''': I hope you're proud of yourself. Now we have to do guard duty from outside. :'''Green Arrow''': Hope ''I'm'' proud of myself? ''You're'' the one that punched him! :'''Black Canary''': Yeah, but—OW! It was like punching a brick wall, there's no fat on that man. :''[Green Arrow tries to examine her hand, but she flinches and pulls away]'' :'''Green Arrow''': Will you let me look? ''[Examining Black Canary's hand]'' I think you'll live to punch suspects another day, pretty bird. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': Why are you doing this, Question? :'''Question''': You wouldn't believe me if I told you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': I strongly advise you to stay down. These impact arrows are non-lethal, but they hurt... a lot. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': Alright you two, stay here. Don't make me sic Black Canary on you - you've only seen her nice side so far. :''[Green Arrow leaves with Black Canary; Huntress punches Question's shoulder.]'' :'''Question''': Ow! What was that for? :'''[[w:Huntress (comics)|Huntress]]''': All that crazy mystery man mojo, and you couldn't even pick up a clue without being seen? :'''Question''': The key wasn't the clue. The key was mine. Now, this list of container ship arrivals I palmed when they were yelling at you: ''that's'' the clue. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Black Canary''': I don't get it. Why aren't we on our way to the train station? :'''Green Arrow''': Shh. ''[Huntress and Question run out of the house]'' Because I know when I'm being conned. :'''Black Canary''': You're cute when you're an insufferable smarty-pants. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Huntress''': You're even smarter than they say. :'''Question''': Smart enough to realize you don't know jack about Cadmus. :'''Huntress''': ...I needed your help. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Franco Bertinelli''': Get behind me, Helena. It'll be all right... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Question''': But you saw it all, Helena. Steven Mandragora killed your parents while you watched helplessly. Isn't that what happened? :'''Huntress''': ''[wipes away a tear]'' If you knew all that, then you probably know what I'm gonna do to Mandragora when I catch him. So why help me? :'''Question''': That... is the question. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Question''': Somebody's following us. :'''Huntress''': Lose them! :'''Question''': Like airline luggage. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': You're not supposed to drive when you're angry! :'''Black Canary''': They're heading towards the waterfront. Hang on! :'''Green Arrow''': It's so funny you think you have to tell me that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Black Canary''': ''[through the com-link]'' Stop the car, Question. Pull over! :'''Question''': Stop following us, Canary. :'''Huntress''': Is that her? Give me that! ''[plucks com-link from Question's ear]'' :'''Question''': Hey! :'''Huntress''': ''[speaks through the com-link]'' You want a piece of me, blondie? Bring it! ''[steps on the accelerator]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Question jumps his car over a ramp and onto the train tracks]'' :'''Green Arrow''': This is so unnecessary... :''[Canary jumps her bike to follow them]'' :'''Green Arrow''': Are we dead yet? :'''Black Canary''': No. :'''Green Arrow''': ARE WE DEAD YET? :'''Black Canary''': Look, if we die, I promise I'll let you know. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Question is driving through a railroad tunnel]'' :'''Huntress''': Train...! :'''Question''': I see it. :'''Huntress''': ''TRAIN!'' :'''Question''': I ''see'' it! <hr width="50%"/> :''[J'onn had just teleported Black Canary and Green Arrow out of the train's path and into the sea, leaving behind Canary's motorcycle]'' :'''Black Canary''': I can't believe you! ''[Hits Green Arrow]'' I rebuilt that bike by hand! :'''Green Arrow''': You're absolutely right. I'm sorry I saved our lives. :'''Black Canary''': Rrrrgh! ''[Swims away]'' :'''Green Arrow''': And J'onn thinks Huntress is the unstable one. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Steven Mandragora''': Get behind me, Edgar. It will be all right... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Huntress''': You knew all along that kid was gonna be on that freighter. :'''Question''': I do my homework. :'''Huntress''': Then why go to all the the trouble to help? Why risk your life for me? :'''Question''': ''[embarrassed]'' Because I... like you. :''[Huntress gives Question a long kiss, then pulls him away by his collar]'' :'''Question''': Where are we going? :'''Huntress''': Don't ask so many questions. :'''Black Canary''': ''[to Green Arrow]'' I'm sorry, but... ew. ===''Clash'' [2.7]=== :'''Batman''': J'onn! We're in trouble! :'''Martian Manhunter''': Are you asking for help? :'''Batman''': Yes! :'''Martian Manhunter''': You never ask for help. :'''Batman''': Just get us some reinforcements! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman and Superman are conversing while battling supervillains.]''. :'''Batman''': You were a little hard on the Boy Scout, don't you think? :'''Superman''': I thought ''I'' was the Boy Scout? :'''Batman''': I did too, 'til I met [[w:Captain Marvel (DC Comics)|Captain Marvel]]. ''[at this point, the villains all lie defeated around them]'' What did these guys want, anyway? :'''Superman''': To take over the world. Or rob banks, I forget. But back to Captain Marvel: why are you... why is ''everyone'' defending him? :'''Batman''': We like him. He's... sunny. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': When you joined this team, you became something more than just a hero. :'''Captain Marvel''': I know that, sir, but... :'''Superman''': You became a symbol. A symbol that represents all of us. :'''Captain Marvel''': Yes, sir. :'''Superman''': We don't play favorites, we don't sell deodorant on television, and we don't get involved in politics. :'''Captain Marvel''': Yes, sir. :'''Superman''': And we certainly don't endorse supervillains for the presidency! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': The lock was nano-picked. LexCorp technology. :'''Superman''': Then Luthor... :'''Batman''': Which anyone could have gotten their hands on. Or, for that matter, planted here to incriminate Luthor. :'''Superman''': You know it was him. :'''Batman''': I'm not entirely convinced: This is pretty sloppy for Lex. :'''Superman''': He's the most arrogant human being on the planet. He wants us to know. :'''Batman''': Maybe. :'''Superman''': Maybe? :'''Batman''': I'll go to the Watchtower, see if the Atom can find something I missed. :'''Superman''': Since when do you miss anything? :'''Batman''': Since when do you jump to conclusions without evidence? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': Look, Captain, I wanna... :'''Captain Marvel''': No more lectures. I called this meeting, and I'm gonna have my say. :'''Superman''': But... :'''Captain Marvel''': My whole life, I've looked up to the League. You were my heroes. Every one of you. And you... you were more than a hero. I idolized you. I wanted to be you. Whenever I was out there facing down the bad guys, I'd think, "What would Superman do?" Now I know. I believe in fair play. I believe in taking people at their word and giving them the benefit of the doubt. Back home, I've come up against my share of pretty nasty bad guys, but I never had to act the way they did to win a fight. I always found another way. I... I guess I'm saying I-I like being a hero, a symbol, and that's why I'm... quitting the Justice League. You don't act like heroes any more. ''[leaves]'' :'''Superman''': He's right. :'''Batman''': They set you up, Clark. :'''Superman''': Does it really make a difference? After all, I- ''They''? :'''Batman''': They. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex Luthor''': The plan worked better than I had hoped. All I wanted was for Superman to destroy the energy source. But battling Captain Marvel? Demolishing Lexor City while those media morons filmed every horrific moment? It was more than I ever could have hoped for! Everything's going according to plan... and we're just getting started. ''[raises his glass for a toast with Amanda Waller]'' ===''Hunter's Moon'' [2.8]=== :'''Green Lantern''': ''[after J'onn assigns Vixen and Shayera to a mission]'' Why did you do that? :'''Martian Manhunter''': Vixen hasn't spent much time in space. Good experience for her. :'''Green Lantern''': You know what I mean. Sending my girlfriend and my ex on the same mission? :'''Martian Manhunter''': Difficult as it may be for you to believe, I don't take your love life into consideration when I make command decisions. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': Can you even see what you're shooting at? :'''[[w:Vigilante (comics)|Vigilante]]''': Nope - just keepin' 'em honest. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Vixen''': Men have fragile egos. To get what you want, you must know how to talk to them. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Parah Dul''': ''[to Shayera]'' Did you really think you could get away with betraying the entire Thanagarian empire? :'''Vigilante''': Hold up. I thought we were the ones she betrayed. :'''[[w:Vixen (comics)|Vixen]]''': Sounds like she betrayed everybody, cowboy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Paran Dul''': All we want is Shayera Hol. If you hand her over, the rest of you can go free. If you choose to fight with her, you'll most assuredly die with her. :'''Vigilante''': Let me think on that! ''[fires his gun at her]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': Maybe I should let them take me. :'''Vigilante''': Like horse hockey...! Pardon my French. :'''Vixen''': We're Justice League. We don't turn our backs on our teammates. :'''Vigilante''': ''[to Shayera]'' Still having a little trouble with that notion, huh? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Vigilante''': Hey, Vix, ain't this supposed to be your territory? Use some of your animal tricks to give us a leg up. :'''Vixen''': What makes you think I know anything about the jungle? I live in a loft in [[w:Chelsea, Manhattan|Chelsea]]. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': I'm not going to argue with you. I'm in charge, you have to- :'''Vigilante''': What, trust you? Seems to me that's been tried. :'''Vixen''': Vig, we can't do this now - she's mission leader. :'''Vigilante''': She's a Thanagarian! I don't know what you did during the invasion- :'''Vixen''': I fought them. :'''Vigilante''': So did I, for all the good it done me! Filthy hawks caught me, locked me up in a tiny cell, humiliated me - your people, ''Hawkgirl''. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kragger''': I'm supposed to believe you would give me your teammate? I'm brain-damaged, not stupid. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Vigilante is flying a Thanagarian ship]'' :'''Vigilante:''' Darn-son-ding-busted-horse-thievin'-alien-control-panel-which-can't-nobody-work-proper! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Paran Dul and Vixen are fighting in the back of the ship]'' :'''Vigilante''': Ya folks mind?! Student driver up here! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Vixen tosses Paran Dul off the ship]'' :'''Vigilante''': You okay? :'''Vixen''': I will be if you let me drive. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Lantern''': ''[as Vixen and Shayera approach him, he holds out his arms]'' I was worried about you! ''[both girls stalk past him]'' :'''Vixen''': ''[to Shayera]'' When do you want to do this? :'''Shayera Hol''': No time like the present. :'''Green Lantern''': Mari? Shayera? Oh, man. This is gonna be ugly. :''[cut to the girls sitting at a table, laughing]'' :''' Shayera Hol''': Not to mention his taste in movies! :'''Vixen''': I know! OLD YELLER? What's that about? ''[they both laugh harder]'' :'''Vixen''': And he's such a MARINE! You should see his underwear drawer. He folds his socks! ''[both laugh again]'' :'''Shayera Hol''': I have seen his underwear drawer. ''[both stop laughing]'' :'''Vixen''': He still has feelings for you, you know. :'''Shayera Hol''': I know. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Vixen''': Funny thing about me. Whenever I start a book or a movie, no matter how bad it is, I just can't stop until I get to the end. So even though John and I have only been together for a little while... well, I just like to see things through. :'''Shayera Hol''': En garde! ''[they smile and raise their glasses for a toast]'' ===''Question Authority'' [2.9]=== :'''Huntress''': ''[beating up Cadmus security guards]'' You really know how to show a girl a good time, Q. When are we going out on a real date? :'''Question''': Shh! I'm trying to concentrate. :'''Huntress''': I'm not even in the Justice League anymore, you're lucky to have me along. :'''Question''': Hardly. You're drawn to my eccentric charm. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Huntress''': You get what you came for? :'''Question''': I believe so. :'''Huntress''': ''[suggestively]'' Which leaves the rest of our evening tantalizingly free... :'''Question''': There are three terabytes of data here, I'll be busy for days- :''[An annoyed Huntress snatches the hard drive and glares at him.]'' :'''Question''': Um... dinner and a movie? :'''Huntress''': It's a start. ''[tucks the drive in her belt]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Question''': It's all connected. Not alternate reality. Time loop. Luthor becomes president, Flash is killed, Superman kills Luthor in retaliation, superhumans arms race, Armageddon, end of the world, inevitable. Is the future immutable? Can destiny be changed? Will they allow it? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': Something I can help you with? :'''Question''': I hope so. But I assume you don't want to discuss your White House weenie-roast in front of a crowd... :'''Superman''': ''[to others]'' I'll be back in a few minutes. ''[he leads Question to the empty conference room]'' :'''Question''': Always wondered what was in here. Private conference room. Original members only, yes? A place where you're free to discuss your secrets and lies... :'''Superman''': You said something about me in the White House. :'''Question''': Not you exactly. Another version of you, hmm? :'''Superman''': Stop dancing around it. Tell me what you know. :'''Question''': I know what you ''told'' everyone. The Justice Lords, a parallel universe version of the Justice League, came to our world to rid it of crime, just as they did on their own world. With Lex Luthor's help, our Justice League managed to rout them before they could impose their totalitarian will on our populace. I also know what you ''didn't'' tell ''anyone'', outside of the original seven members of the Justice League. On that other Earth, so very much like our own, a Superman, so very much like you, ''killed the President.'' :'''Superman''': ''[tenses up, accidentally damaging a chair he was leaning on]'' Question, no one can know about this. :'''Question''': Or what? You'll incinerate me too? :'''Superman''': I'd never do anything like that. :'''Question''': Wouldn't you? Didn't you recently try to lobotomize Doomsday with your heat vision, just as the Justice Lord did? :'''Superman''': That's different! :'''Question''': ''It's the same.'' A heavily-armed Watchtower with an army of proactive heroes, Luthor running for President - if it's not ''quite'' the same, it soon will be! Have you seen Amanda Waller's computer simulations? :'''Superman''': Batman told me about them. :'''Question''': Did he tell you all the models predict that a war between the Justice League and the government will devastate the planet?! :'''Superman''': We would never fight the government! :'''Question''': Not even if Luthor was the government?! ''[beginning to ramble in fear]'' Predestined... Flash will die, you will kill Luthor, Armageddon... inevitable... :'''Superman''': Question, I'm... ''[puts a hand on his shoulder; the Question recoils with a gasp]'' I'm worried about you. You're mixed up. This world isn't like the other one. We're not the Justice Lords. Those things you're afraid of will never happen here. I won't let them. :''[Question is silent for a moment, then walks out]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Question''': Have you seen the latest polls? It's beginning to look like you're going to be our next President. Just like in that other world. :'''Lex Luthor''': ''[casually]'' I wouldn't bet against me. :'''Question''': No, it wouldn't be prudent. I want you to understand something, Luthor. Although my distaste for you as a human being is ''[[w:Brobdingnag|brobdingnagian]]'', what I'm about to do isn't personal. :'''Lex Luthor''': What are you babbling about? :'''Question''': Everything that exists has a specific nature. Each entity exists as something in particular and has characteristics that are part of what it is. [[w:Law of Identity|A is A]], and no matter what reality he calls home, Luthor is Luthor. If I'm to save the world, your existence must come to an end before you take office. ''[removes his tie]'' :'''Luthor''': ''[unafraid]'' You're going to kill me so that Superman can't. :'''Question''': I'm a well-known crackpot. The Justice League's reputation will survive my actions, and Superman's legacy will remain intact. ''[holds up his tie, preparing to choke Luthor]'' :'''Luthor''': Interesting plan. Unfortunately for you, it's not really an option. :''[Question attempts to attack Luthor, but he uppercuts him straight to the waterwall with tremendous force and uses his newfound super-strength to beat him up]'' :'''Luthor''': President? Foolish faceless man. My campaign is a farce - a small part of a much grander scheme. President? Do you know how much power I'd have to ''give up'' to be President? That's right, conspiracy buff. I spent $75 million on a fake presidential campaign. All just to tick Superman off. ''[Luthor then slams Question, breaking his desk at the same time, and peers closer to him]'' Now. About those files you stole from me... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': A lot of things are starting to make sense now, Professor Hamilton. When did Cadmus recruit you? :'''[[w:Professor Hamilton|Professor Emil Hamilton]]''': Recruit me? I went to them. :'''Superman''': How can you work for these people? Do you know what they are? :'''Professor Emil Hamilton''': Power brokers, politicians, criminals, and black ops mercenaries with one thing in common besides: they're humanity's last hope against your kind. :'''Superman''': What are you talking about? Humanity doesn't need protection from us. :'''Professor Emil Hamilton''': I used to believe that. I thought you were a guardian angel, come to answer our prayers. But [[w:Lucifer|Lucifer]] was an angel too, wasn't he? :'''Superman''': Professor- :'''Professor Emil Hamilton''': You forget: I've been on the receiving end of your wrath, when you brought Supergirl to S.T.A.R. Labs for medical treatment. I know what you're capable of. :'''Superman''': ''That's'' what this is about? One little scare and you betray us?! ''You'' stole Kara's DNA! Violated her trust! ''My'' trust! :'''Professor Emil Hamilton''': The chicken, or the egg, Superman? <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Doctor Moon|Dr. Moon]]''': This doesn't have to continue. I can stop you from seeing the visions at any time. You stole files from our computer. Just tell me what you've learned. :'''Question''': ''[babbling about various conspiracy theories]'' Topically-applied fluoride doesn't prevent tooth decay. It ''does'' render teeth detectable by spy satellite! :'''Dr. Moon''': Tell me what you know. :'''Question''': The plastic tips at the ends of shoelaces are called [[w:aglet|aglets]]. Their true purpose is ''sinister!'' :'''Dr. Moon''': ''[getting annoyed]'' Tell me what you know. :'''Question''': There ''was'' a [[w:single bullet theory|magic bullet]]! It was forged by [[w:Illuminati|Illuminati]] mystics to prevent us from learning the truth! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Superman and Huntress smashes into Dr. Moon's lab; Dr. Moon pulls a gun]'' :'''Superman''': Don't be stupid - drop it. :''[Dr. Moon drops the gun]'' :'''Huntress''': Sorry - not good enough. ''[knocks Dr. Moon to the floor and pulls her crossbow on him]'' :'''Superman''': Huntress! :'''Huntress''': ''[backs off]'' Yeah. Okay. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Huntress''': Lean on me. We're getting out of here. :'''Question''': ''[weak, babbling]'' Secret messages... encoded in amino acid chains in carb-free breakfast bars... :'''Huntress''': Come on, baby doll. It's all right. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': Good to see you, Captain. Cover our flank. :'''Captain Atom''': I'm afraid you misunderstand. I'm speaking as an officer of the United States Air Force. :'''Huntress''': Bad time to grow a sense of humor, Cap. :'''Captain Atom''': No joke, ma'am. I'm currently assigned to General Eiling's special projects unit. My orders are to prevent you from taking Question out of this facility. So how's this gonna go down? ===''Flashpoint'' [2.10]=== :''[Captain Atom is trying to stop Superman and Huntress from rescuing Question]'' :'''Superman''': This is ridiculous. If you're not gonna help us, get out of our way! :'''Captain Atom''': Not an option, Superman. I've got my orders, legal and proper. :'''Huntress''': Dude, ''Superman'' just told you to step aside. :'''Captain Atom''': I heard him, ma'am. Not gonna happen. ''[Superman makes to move past him, but he forms red energy with his fists and punches Superman across the room with ease]'' I control radiation, Superman. That includes ''red sun'' radiation. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Huntress and Question are trying to escape, she tries opening a door]'' :'''Huntress''': Locked. Sure, why not? <hr width="50%"/> :''[A Cadmus medic is about to see to Captain Atom, Superman intervenes]'' :'''Superman''': Don't you ''touch'' him! He's Justice League. ''[Carries Captain Atom out]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Huntress removes the Question's mask, revealing his true - though battered and bruised - face]'' :'''Question''': You were right. I am the ugliest guy of all time. :'''Huntress''': Not in my eyes. ''[kisses him]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': What happened, Question? How did Cadmus get ahold of you? :'''Question''': I went to kill Luthor so that you wouldn't be able to. :'''Superman''': That's not how we do things. :'''Question''': How ''do'' we do things, Superman? Your counterpart killed Luthor, ''this'' Luthor is scheming to enrage you- :'''Superman''': Doing a pretty good job of it. :'''Question''': Ruining your reputation, turning your friends and comrades against you, creating a superpowered arms race - but you ''cannot succumb.'' :'''Superman''': I can shut down Cadmus ''without'' killing Luthor. :'''Question''': Carry on, then. If you're wrong, it's not like it's the end of the world... right? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Discussing Cadmus]'' :'''Superman''': Give me one good reason not to go down there and take them out. :'''Martian Manhunter''': If you didn't know the answer, you wouldn't have bothered to ask. :'''Superman''': Don't handle me, J'onn! I'm serious! :'''Martian Manhunter''': We don't have hard evidence that they've committed any crimes. :'''Superman''': Oh, come on! You know they're dirty! :'''Green Arrow''': Then maybe we should put more energy into proving it, and less into acting like a bunch of hyperthyroid stormtroopers. :'''Superman''': I don't remember asking you for your opinion! :'''Green Arrow''': No? How about when you guys hijacked me up here against my will and made me join this team? Batman said I was supposed to keep you guys honest. :'''Superman''': ''Do I look like Batman to you?'' :'''Flash''': Actually, you kind of do. Especially when you're all scowly like that. :'''Superman''': We can't let Cadmus get away with it! :'''Martian Manhunter''': No one's saying we should, but we have to keep a cool head. :'''Supergirl''': Do you know what they did to me?! :'''Green Arrow''': Look, kid. Hamilton's a piece of garbage, and Luthor is worse, but this isn't the way to stop them. :'''Martian Manhunter''': We must also consider the possibility that Cadmus is right to be afraid of us... :'''Supergirl''': ''[outraged]'' ''WHAT?!'' :'''Martian Manhunter''': ...''and'' there is strong evidence of Cadmus having legitimate connections to the government. :'''Superman''': Maybe, to some rogue black ops group! The real government wouldn't get involved in anything like this! :'''Green Arrow''': Hey, I'm the only guy in the room who doesn't have superpowers, and let me tell you: you guys ''scare'' me. What if you ''do'' decide to go marching down there, taking care of whoever you think is guilty? Who could stop you? ''Me?'' :'''Supergirl''': So you ''want'' the government to have a bunch of superhuman weapons just to keep ''us'' in check?! :'''Green Arrow''': No!... I don't know... Yeah! ''[regaining composure]'' Look, I'm an old [[w:left-wing politics|lefty]]. The government must do for people what people can't do for themselves. The people sure can't protect themselves from the likes of us. :'''Superman:''' We're not talking about the government. We're talking about a shadow cabinet that's taken it upon themselves to eliminate us! They came after us, we have to hit them back ''hard''. :'''Flash''': Grammy Flash always used to say the trouble with "an eye for an eye"... is that everybody ends up blind. ===''Panic in the Sky'' [2.11]=== :'''[[w: Professor Hamilton|Professor Emil Hamilton]]''': Hold still, Galatea! You're invulnerable. This can't possibly be hurting you. :'''[[w: Galatea (Justice League Unlimited)|Galatea]]''': Boredom is my [[w: Kryptonite|kryptonite]]... Okay, ''kryptonite'' is my kryptonite, but you know what I mean. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Galatea is about to depart on her mission and stops at the door.]'' :'''Professor Emil Hamilton''': What? :'''Galatea''': Nothing. ''[Galatea goes back to Hamilton and hugs him]'' Goodbye, Daddy. :''[Hamilton stands in silent shock as Galatea leaves]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': What have we done? :'''Martian Manhunter''': We haven't done anything. An outside force took control of the binary fusion generator. Whoever's behind that is responsible for the destruction of Cadmus. Not us. :'''Superman''': Tell that to all those people in New Mexico. They're terrified of us. So's the government. :'''Green Lantern''': We can't let that stop us from doing our job. We aren't here to be liked. We're here to make the world a safer place. :'''Superman''': How're we doing so far today? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You want me to ''what''?! :'''Wonder Woman''': Turn yourself over into U.S. custody, along with the rest of us. :'''Flash''': Yeah, that makes sense, okay. :'''Superman''': Meet us at the coordinates I’m sending first. We should all go over together. :'''Batman''': This is the ''single'' dumbest plan I’ve ever heard. If you’re feeling guilty, clear your own name. Don’t stand on the sidelines waiting for somebody else to do it. :'''Wonder Woman''': We’ve already voted. Five in favor. :'''Flash''': Six. :'''Wonder Woman''': You have to come with us, Bruce. :'''Batman''': I don’t ''have'' to do anything. I’m a part-timer, remember? ''[Hangs up]'' :'''Wonder Woman''': Actually, he took it a lot better than I’d expected. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': As promised, we're surrendering ourselves to your authority. :'''Officer''': ''[to the founding members of the League]'' Where's Batman? :'''Flash''': Running late. [[w: Jingle_Bells#Parodies_and_homages|The Batmobile, it lost a wheel. The Joker got away.]] ''[a soldier glares at him]'' That's what I heard. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Supergirl''': I'm worried about them, Steel. I'm worried about my cousin. :'''Steel''': Don't be. Everybody in the League is good at their job, but those seven? They're the best ''ever''. Not because they're the most powerful - they aren't. Not all of them. And it's not just because they were the first. It's because they're special. They've proven it time and again. They make the hard choices, they set the example. They do what's right, not what's easiest. And they always come out on top. They're gonna be okay, Kara. We all are. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Someone took over our fusion cannon by remote control. There are maybe three people on Earth smart enough to pull that off. Two of them were already on the Watchtower. And that leaves... :'''Amanda Waller''': Luthor. That's where you're trying to lead me, right? :'''Batman''': You're too smart to trust him. :'''Amanda Waller''': Who says I do? He provides off-the-books funding for Cadmus. As far as I'm concerned, that's all he's good for. :'''Batman''': Then you must know he's got his own agenda. :'''Amanda Waller''': He wants to be President. That's agenda enough for anybody. :'''Batman''': Almost anybody. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Supergirl''': You know what? No matter how bad you beat me, I'm real, not a clone. :'''Galatea''': Shut up. :'''Supergirl''': Deep down, you know the truth. You're not a ''person''. You're just a ''weapon'', grown out of one of Hamilton's petri dishes. :'''Galatea''': SHUT UP! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amanda Waller''': ''[About Luthor]'' He played me. I knew he was a snake and I ''still'' let him bite me. <hr width="50%"/> :''[As Luthor finishes his intended android body]'' :'''Lex Luthor''': Now you're perfect! A perfect, super-powerful, immortal body. A suitable place for me to spend the rest of eternity. Ironic - years of plotting, hundreds of millions spent on Cadmus R&D projects, and none of it bore fruit. No, it's a lowly employee of LexCorp, Doctor Ivo, creator of Amazo, who we have to thank for my impending godhood. :'''Batman''': That was the last piece I needed. :''[Luthor turns to see Batman behind him]'' :'''Lex Luthor''': Got it all figured out, have you? :'''Batman''': When you and Atom worked together to stop the first Amazo, he showed you the blueprints. And I suspect you have a photographic memory. :'''Lex Luthor''': I'm too modest to boast. :'''Batman''': The real purpose of Cadmus was to give ''you'' superpowers. :'''Lex Luthor''': And to ruin Superman's reputation. Imagine how sweet it will be when ''I'' save the world from the menace of the Justice League! Now when I kill Superman, they'll build statues in my honor! :'''Batman''': Maybe next time. :''[He throws a Batarang at the Amazo body, but to his shock, Luthor catches it and it explodes in his hand without harming him]'' :'''Lex Luthor''': That... was uncalled for. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amanda Waller''': Hey, Lex! That android is Cadmus property. You're going to have to find somewhere else to keep your brain! ''[destroys the Amazo body]'' A nano-disassembler beam. Your design, I believe. :'''Lex Luthor''': Arrogant ''COW!'' It'll take weeks to build myself another android body! :'''Amanda Waller''': You ain't got weeks, baldy. You're under arrest for trying to use the Justice League's space-gun to murder everyone at Cadmus. :''[Luthor charges at Waller, smacking the weapon aside and throwing her to the floor]'' :'''Lex Luthor''': Did you really think you could take me down all by yourself? :'''Amanda Waller''': Actually, yeah. But on the off chance I might've been wrong... :''[The founding Leaguers have entered through the window]'' :'''Flash''': TADA! :'''Superman''': It's over, Lex. :'''Lex Luthor''': Not until I- :''[Lex suddenly screams in agony; metal tendrils and components burst out of him, and a familiar Kryptonian symbol - along with a skull-like face - appears]'' :'''[[w:Brainiac (comics)|Brainiac]]''': I hoped to remain hidden, until I could install myself into the android. But you forced my hand. :'''Superman''': Brainiac! ===''Divided We Fall'' [2.12]=== :''[After Brainiac reveals himself from within Lex Luthor]'' :'''Flash''': Ta-da. :'''Superman''': It's over, Lex. :'''Lex Luthor''': Not until I-- I'd hoped to remain hidden-- :'''Barinthor''': Until I could install myself into the android. :'''Brainiac''': But you forced my hand. :'''Superman''': Brainiac. :'''Flash''': Dude. That is messed up! :'''Lex Luthor''': I don't understand what's happening! :'''Brainiac''': You are under my control. I have lain dormant within you for years, Lex Luthor, subtly influencing your actions until we arrived at this point. Do you not recall my kidnapping you in this very building? :''[A flashback to the [[Superman: The Animated Series|Superman: TAS]] episode "Ghost in the Machine" is shown]'' :'''Lex Luthor''': Yes... You forced me to build you a new body. :'''Brainiac''': Kal-El destroyed that body, foiling my plans. In any event, I always have a backup plan. Consider: how could you have survived that point-blank blast from me, unless- :'''Lex Luthor''': Unless... it wasn't intended to kill me? :'''Brainiac''': The beam carried a nanotech payload that inserted a microscopic, holistic copy of my program inside your body. Since then, I have steadily grown in strength, protecting this body until I could arrange my transfer into a more suitable one. :'''Lex Luthor''': You cured my cancer; gave me super-strength! :'''Brainiac''': Your animal-protein shell was insufficient for my needs. Improvements were required. :'''Flash''': Hate to interrupt this special live performance of ''[[w:The Thing with Two Heads|The Thing With Two Heads]]'', but it's time to go to jail now. :'''Amanda Waller''': What he said. ''[shoots Brainiac/Luthor several times]'' We'll take it back to Cadmus and see if the tech boys can't pull Luthor out of what's left of that hunk of- ''[Brainiac/Luthor suddenly stands, instantly repairing]'' I'll be dipped! :'''Brainiac''': Be gone. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Brainiac''': You are defeated. Any unique information that dwells within you will be digitized. Your physical forms will be deleted. Such is the ultimate fate of this world, but for you, the end comes ''now''. :''[Brainiac launches tentacles at the Leaguers' bodies; they scream as they are hit one by one]'' :'''Flash''': I am so willing to wait my turn... ''[a tentacle hits him last]'' :'''Martian Manhunter''': No! ''[phases himself free and rips the tentacles out of Brainiac]'' :'''Brainiac''': No! I was not yet prepared for this battle. ''[uses the LexCorp tower to form a massive Skullship]'' Now I am prepared. :'''Shayera''': Hi-ya! :'''Batman''': That was too easy. :'''Shayera''': Easy? Then I guess I must have gone to the wrong fight. :'''Superman''': No, he's right. Brainiac isn't here. He suckered us. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex Luthor''': Where are we? :'''Brainiac''': Several miles from where the Justice League is searching. I must make repairs to my damaged systems. :'''Lex Luthor''': And where do I fit into all of this? :'''Brainiac''': The same as to everything else. I will record your information, then destroy the original. :'''Lex Luthor''': ''[Laughs]'' :'''Brainiac''': You are amused by my mission? Explain yourself. :'''Lex Luthor''': Say you succeed. You absorb all the information on Earth and then destroy it. Then what? :'''Brainiac''': I repeat the process across the entire universe, until I have recorded all knowledge and destroyed all of creation. :'''Lex Luthor''': And then? :'''Brainiac''': Then my program is complete. My function is fulfilled. :'''Lex Luthor''': If you possess all information, you're a god. :'''Brainiac''': My program will be complete. It is the end of all things. :'''Lex Luthor''': What if it were just the beginning? I can show you a purpose beyond the fulfillment of your programming. :'''Brainiac''': It is extremely unlikely that your inferior human intellect has anything to offer me. :'''Lex Luthor''': Since we've become so close, I'm gonna let that pass. I'm offering you the one thing you've always lacked. A certain something that I happen to have in abundance. :'''Brainiac''': Which is? :'''Lex Luthor''': [[Imagination]]. I've got a proposition for ya, partner. :'''Flash''': No sign of Brainiac. :'''Green Lantern''': My ring can't trace him either. :'''Shayera''': Okay, he's weakened and damaged. He'll need to repair himself. :'''Wonder Woman''': He may just dump Luthor and find himself a new body. :'''Superman''': No. He'll head right for the highest technology available. :'''Martian Manhunter''': Higher than LexCorp? Then he'll go to S.T.A.R. Lab. :'''Amanda Waller''': He'll go to Cadmus. :'''Shayera''': Sure, he's all nanotech now, right? What's the most advanced nanotech on the planet? :'''Batman''': The Dark Heart. We destroyed it, but your people confiscated the remains. :'''Amanda Waller''': We've never been able to get any of it to work again. :'''Batman''': Are you willing to bet Brainiac can't? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Brainiac absorbs a Dark Heart drone]'' :'''Lex Luthor''': Brainiac? :'''Brainiac''': I have added this technology to my database. The nano-assemblers are already slaved to my command routines. With but a thought, they will convert any raw material into whatever I choose. :'''Lex Luthor''': Then we're ready to begin. Let me show you- :'''Brainiac''': I have learned from my encounter with [[w:Darkseid|Darkseid]] that organic beings cannot be trusted. :'''Lex Luthor''': Can't argue with that. But if you and I are one - ''truly'' one - trust won't be an issue, will it? :'''Brainiac''': Agreed. :''[Brainiac takes control of more drones. Their matter spreads over him and Luthor, and they are merged into one being - Brainthor]'' :'''Brainthor''': We are one. And we comprehend! We will build a machine that will allow us to absorb the information of the entire Earth in a single stroke. And then, the galaxy... the entire universe! We'll remake the universe! :'''Martian Manhunter''': Watchtower, send rapid response teams to the transmitter coordinates. We need backup. :'''Steel''': That's gonna be a problem, J'onn. The Ultimen wrecked every Javelin in the landing bay, and the teleporters-- :'''Martian Manhunter''': Are still down. They hardly seem worth the trouble sometimes. All Justice Leaguers, report to the transmitted coordinates immediately. This is an omega-level alarm. All available members and associates respond immediately. :'''Green Arrow''': We're scrambling now. But at top speed, we're over an hour away. :'''Martian Manhunter''': I doubt any of the others can get here any faster. :'''Batman''': Then the seven of us will have to be enough. :'''Superman''': My x-ray vision can't penetrate the walls, but I'm seeing a rapidly growing heat signature in the infrared range. :'''Wonder Woman''': You don't need super-vision for that. Can't you feel the heat? :'''Brainthor''': Welcome, Justice League. You're just in time for the end of the world. :'''Superman''': I know you're in there somewhere, Lex. Fight him! :'''Brainthor''': You're right. I am in here... and I like it! I'm about to get everything I ever wanted: power, ultimate knowledge, immortality! :'''Superman''': And you'll destroy the Earth to get it?! :'''Brainthor''': It's business, Superman. There are always trade-offs. :'''Shayera''': ''[charging forward]'' Less talking, more hitting! ''[The League rushes in]'' :'''Brainthor''': ''[Brainiac's voice]'' You cannot be allowed to interfere at this delicate stage. ''[Blasts Shayera, creates seven Brainiac Constructs]'' ''[Lex's voice]'' No, no, no. We can do better than that. ''[The Brainiac Constructs transform into the Justice Lords and Lord Flash]'' :'''Android Lord Superman''': ''[Attacking Superman]'' We've lost their trust! The people are afraid of us! Power corrupts, after all, and who has more power than Superman? :'''Android Lord Hawkgirl''': ''[attacking Shayera]'' Do you think there's a single person on Thanagar or Earth that doesn't despise us?! :'''Android Lord Green Lantern''': ''[firing at Green Lantern]'' We loved the traitor! Loved and lost her - Forever! :'''Android Lord Flash''': ''[attacking Flash]'' Slacker! Child! Clown! We have no place here among the world's greatest heroes! :'''Flash''': Says you! I've got a seat at the big conference table. I'm gonna paint my logo on it! Never doin' that again. ''[Destroys Brainiac-Lord Flash]'' :'''Superman''': ''[Beating up Brainiac-Lord Superman]'' I'm not like you! I'm nothing like you! :''[Android Lord Superman turns into Lex Luthor]'' :'''Android Lex Luthor''': This is the part where you kill me, right? ''[Superman hesitates]'' Come on, use your heat vision. You know you want to. :'''Wonder Woman''': What do you say we switch dance partners? :'''Shayera''': ''[after Green Lantern destroys Brainiac-Lord Hawkgirl]'' You enjoyed that a little too much. :'''Green Lantern''': Just letting off some steam. She broke my heart, you know. :'''Shayera Hol''': ''[Knocks off the head of Brainiac-Lord Green Lantern]'' Likewise, I'm sure. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash''': ''[After destroying Brainthor's machine, weakly]'' You lose. :''[Brainthor forms two army officers who restrain Flash]'' :'''Brainthor''': Hardly. Look around you — the Justice League is completely defeated, and so are you. For all your efforts, you have but inconvenienced me, speck. ''[forms a rifle]'' But I'm still just human enough to enjoy taking my revenge. Looks like The Question was right all along. I kill you, and then, Armageddon. Right on schedule. :'''Flash''': No! ''[Breaks free and stands up]'' :'''Brainthor''': Are you going to fight me, boy? :''[Flash pauses, then goes running off in the opposite direction. Brainthor begins rebuilding his tower, when Flash comes in from the other side of the planet and punches him at full speed; Flash keeps accelerating, and hits Brainthor again. And again, and again, and again, again, again... Eventually, Flash stops and starts '''rapidly''' punching Brainthor. Thereby, extracting Brainiac from Luthor molecule by molecule. Massive explosion ensues. Debris clears revealing... Lex Luthor, sans Braniac, laying panting on the ground, the rest of the core seven awaken]'' :'''Flash''': ''[Electricity rippling through his body, stumbles forward]'' I feel kind of... funny. ''[Fades away]'' :'''Wonder Woman''': Flash! :''[Superman runs towards the non-existent Flash. The remaining six appear horrified]'' :'''Luthor''': ''[smugly]'' What do you know? I did kill him. ''[Looks up to see a furious Superman glaring at him.]'' I was mistaken earlier. I think ''this'' is the part where you kill me. :''[Superman places Luthor in a choke hold and prepares to incinerate him. Wonder Woman initially attempts to intervene, but Batman stops her]'' :'''Superman''': ''[Eyes return to normal]'' I'm not the man who killed President Luthor. Right now, I wish to heaven that I were, but I'm not. :'''Martian Manhunter''': Superman, everyone, Flash is still alive. I'm in telepathic contact with him. His spirit is weak, and it's growing weaker. But he's still here. :'''Shayera Hol''': ''[Walks in the direction J'onzz is moving. Her right arm slips into a portal]'' FLASH! :'''Flash''': ''[From within the portal]'' Shayera? It's so beautiful here. There's this force - a Speed Force. It's calling me home. I have to go now. :'''Shayera Hol''': No, Wally! Take my hand! ''[Struggles to get a hold of him]'' :'''Green Lantern''': ''[Grabs Hawkgirl]'' I'm here, too, Wally! :'''Superman''': We're all here! ''[The rest of the League form a line, struggling to pull Flash out]'' :'''Green Lantern''': You gotta come back to us! ''[Hawkgirl grunts, and pulls Flash out of the Speed Force]'' :'''Flash''': I can never go that fast again. If I do... I don't think I'm coming back. ''[Shayera nestles him. Green Lantern, behind her, smiles, relieved. The rest smile]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': This is the hardest thing I've ever had to say... I'm guilty. We're guilty. Of the sin of hubris. We had the best of intentions, to be Earth's guardians, to keep you safe, but we failed you. We looked down on the world from our tower in the sky, and let our power and responsibility separate us from the very people we were supposed to protect. No one should ever be afraid of us. For that reason, we're decommissioning the Watchtower. The energy weapon up there is already gone; we're taking down the station as well. :''[The crowd looks astonished and whispers amongst themselves]'' :'''Superman''': There's more. We want to thank the members of the Justice League for your courageous service, but in the future, you'll all have to act as independent agents. We're not going to be an army anymore. As of right now, we're disbanding the Justice League. This is the end. :''[The founding members begin to walk off the stage, but are stopped when Green Arrow speaks]'' :'''Green Arrow''': Says who? You remember what we did yesterday? We saved the world, again. You don't think that has any value? Well, think again, pal! The Justice League goes on, with or without you. Look, nobody can question your service or commitment to making things better. If you're quitting because you think you've already done your fair share, fine. We'll throw you a parade. But if you're quitting because it's easier than continuing the fight, then you're not the heroes we all thought you were. The world needs the Justice League, and the Justice League needs you, Superman! :''[The crowd cheers and claps, along with Superman's fellow Leaguers. Green Arrow shrugs, and Batman gives Superman a subtle smile. Superman smiles back, and returns to the microphone]'' :'''Superman''': All right! Okay! But there are going to have to be some changes. Maybe we can open an embassy on Earth, so we can be closer to the people. We can have a rotating staff... :'''Batman''': ''[to Wonder Woman, as Superman continues]'' You guys can handle this. I've got work back in Gotham. You've got my number. :'''Wonder Woman''': I think so. :'''Batman''': ''[to Green Arrow]'' [[Juvenal|Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?]] :'''Green Arrow''': "[[Watchmen|Who guards the guardians?]]" We got it covered. ''[rides off with Black Canary]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Daily Planet office; night - Lois is working]'' :'''Clark Kent''': Working late? :'''Lois Lane''': Hey, Smallville. Finishing up my Justice League story. How many "L"s in "ambivalent"? :'''Clark Kent''': One - is that your take on all this, Lois? :'''Lois Lane''': I've been as tough on the Justice League as anyone - especially on Superman. But that's just because he's always set such a high standard. I'm gonna cut him a break - he's only human... you know what I mean. :'''Clark Kent''': ''[smiles]'' Yeah - I do. ===''Epilogue'' [2.13]=== :'''Terry McGinnis''': I've got some questions I need you to answer. :'''Amanda Waller''': Of course you do, boy. Why else go to all the trouble of breaking into the lair of the great and powerful Amanda Waller? You want some green tea? I do. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Terry McGinnis''': How could you do it to me, Bruce?! :'''Bruce Wayne''': The only thing that matters is the mission. You know that. :'''Terry McGinnis''': What about ''people,'' Bruce? [[w:Dick Grayson|Dick]], [[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara]], [[w:Tim Drake|Tim]], [[w:Catwoman|Selina]] - they all loved you, but eventually every single one of them left you! Ever wonder why? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Not for an instant. They quit because when it came down to it, they didn't have the heart for the mission. Are you about to quit too? It doesn't really surprise me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Terry McGinnis''': My dad wasn't a superhero. He didn't save the world from the near-apocalypse of '09, he never went toe-to-toe with Mr. Freeze, but he was a good man just the same. Even after he and Mom got divorced, he always tried to do the right thing. My brother and I were always provided for; when Mom couldn't quite make the bills, he always helped out. He tried to teach me right from wrong - would have too, if I'd ever listened to him. And he never laid a hand on me, although Lord knows I was asking for it. :'''Bruce Wayne''': What's your point? :'''Terry McGinnis''': ''[angrily]'' "What's my point"?! My point is, I never once doubted he loved me with all his heart! My point is, all those warm feelings I had for my dad - turns out they were just another lie! Another in a long list of things you've stolen from me! My point is, I just found out that Warren McGinnis isn't my father! YOU are. :'''Bruce Wayne''': ...What do you want from me? :'''Terry McGinnis''': I wanna know the whole truth. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Sounds like you already do. :'''Terry McGinnis''': Guess I didn't wanna believe you were so incredibly ARROGANT that you thought the world couldn't go on without you. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Or someone ''like'' me. It's not arrogance, it's fact. :'''Terry McGinnis''': You set the whole thing up! :'''Bruce Wayne''': How? You were already a teenager when I first met your mother. :'''Terry McGinnis''': I don't know. Maybe you dug up some of that old Cadmus nanotech, used it to have my genes rewritten to match yours! :'''Bruce Wayne''': That technology's been illegal for over 40 years. :'''Terry McGinnis''': [[Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker|Didn't stop the Joker from using it on Tim Drake]]! :''[Bruce's eyes widen in shock over the comment]'' :'''Terry McGinnis''': ''[remorseful]'' All right, low blow. ''[smiling sarcastically]'' Because you'd NEVER lie to me, right? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Fine. Believe what you want. But you know as well as I do, accident or not - it's a good thing that you're almost a clone of me. The world DOES need a Batman, and it always will. ''[suddenly groans in pain, clutches at his heart and tries to open a medication bottle]'' The mantle of Batman is an honor, Terry... ''[groans again, spilling the bottle and pills across the floor]'' :'''Terry McGinnis''': You know what, old man? All those years, turns out everybody was right. You ''are'' insane. Being Batman's no honor. It's a curse. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amanda Waller''': Look at all this. A pill for blood pressure, a pill for my diabetes, a pill to replace my pituitary function. I don't even know what this one's for... oh, yeah, Alzheimer's. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amanda Waller''': It's been many a year since I had a handsome gentleman caller. Why is it that superheroes are always... so good-looking? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Terry McGinnis''': You know why I can't marry you. If- :'''Dana Tan''': "If the bad guys ever found out I was Batman, they'd try to get to me by hurting you", blah blah blah. :'''Terry McGinnis''': It's nothing to joke about. :'''Dana Tan''': You're right! There could be supervillains hiding in the tall grass! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Parasite II''': Ruined, I tell you! :'''Kai-Ro''': I would offer my condolences... but that would be insincere. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kai-Ro''': Good of you to drop in, considering that three quarters of the Iniquity Collective are from your rogues gallery. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amanda Waller''': The Justice League found themselves cleaning up one of my old messes. The second group of villains to call themselves the Royal Flush Gang. Or the third—who can keep it all straight? <hr width="50%"/> :''[The League has just been informed that Ace of the Royal Flush Gang has to be stopped, and is presented with a weapon to do it.]'' :'''Batman''': I'll do it, Shayera. I'm the only one of us Ace knows. She might let me get close enough to use it. :'''Amanda Waller''': Do you understand what you're agreeing to? The only way to stop Ace for certain... is to kill her. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Ace is on a swing set in the middle of her fantasy castle]'' :'''Ace''': Batman. :'''Batman''': Ace. :'''Ace''': Did you like playing with my new Royal Flush Gang? :'''Batman''': Can't say that I did. :'''Ace''': Yeah. They aren't any fun at all. I gave them their powers and they still hardly ever play with me. :'''Batman''': Can't imagine why. :'''Ace''': When I was little, Cadmus used to make me play all kinds of games, but they weren't any fun either. They'd strap me into their machines and poke wires into my brain - "Ace, can you move this object with your mind?" ''[Telekinetically uproots a tree]'' Yeah, I can move it. They weren't really games, you know. ''[stops swinging]'' They were training me, turning me into a weapon. "For justice," they said. They got their weapon - I got cheated out of my childhood. :'''Batman''': I know what that's like. :'''Ace''': You do, don't you? :'''Batman''': ... :'''Ace''': You don't have to answer; I've read your mind. That's how I knew you weren't going to use Mrs. Waller's weapon on me. :''[Batman takes the weapon out of his belt]'' :'''Batman''': No. I wasn't. ''[tosses it away]'' :'''Ace''': You were going to try and talk me into fixing what I've changed...before I die. :'''Batman''': Yes. :'''Ace''': I'm dying very soon. :'''Batman''': ''[softly]'' Yes...I'm sorry. :'''Ace''': ''[tears in her eyes]'' Would you stay with me? I'm scared. :''[Batman walks over and sits on the swing next to her. He offers Ace his hand and she takes it. Outside the castle, the Justice League have rounded up and tied up the Royal Flush Gang, when they and everything else Ace altered suddenly return to normal. As the castle vanishes, Batman returns with Ace's body in his arms]'' :'''Amanda Waller''': ''[continuing narration]'' He sat with her, until her time came. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amanda Waller''': Honey, Bruce didn't overwrite your DNA with his - ''I'' did. :'''Terry McGinnis''': ''[astonished]'' How? ''Why?'' :'''Amanda Waller''': Because the world always needs a Batman. Not that I always thought so, mind you. Before you were born, Bruce and I were enemies. His Justice League was easily the most powerful force on Earth. As you know, I was in charge of Project Cadmus. Over the years I came to respect Batman, even trust him. :'''Terry McGinnis''': I guess the law of averages means somebody'd have to. :'''Amanda Waller''': Did you know I was the government liaison with the Justice League for a while? I met some extraordinary people in that job, but none of them were the equal of Batman. :'''Terry McGinnis''': ''[bitterly]'' Right, who could be? :'''Amanda Waller''': Not my point. I saw him save the day dozens of times with nothing but his wits, body and will. But I saw something else as the years passed - he was getting older. Slower. Soon he'd have to retire, or more likely, someone would finally manage to kill him. The thought of a world without Batman was unacceptable. So, I decided to make a new one. I used my old Cadmus connections to gather the technology necessary for Project: Batman Beyond. Bruce's DNA was easy enough to obtain. He left it all over town. ''[Terry gives her a look]'' Not REMOTELY what I meant! ''[Cut to a shot of Batman being bandaged by a paramedic]'' Then I found a young Neo-Gotham couple, with psychological profiles nearly identical to those of Bruce's parents. Your father thought he was getting a flu shot; actually it was a nanotech solution programmed to rewrite his reproductive material into an exact copy of Bruce Wayne's. A little over a year later, your mother gave birth to you, a child sharing half her genetic material... and half Bruce's. But when you're making a Batman, genetics is only part of the story - the rest is tragedy. :''[Cut to outside a movie theater playing ''The Grey Ghost Strikes''; a young Terry leaves with his parents while Waller narrates]'' :'''Amanda Waller''': Stop me if you've heard it before: you're eight years old, your parents have just taken you to a rousing adventure film, a grand time is had by all. :''[Cut to theater parking lot; the [[w:Andrea Beaumont|Phantasm]] waits in the darkness]'' :'''Amanda Waller''': But unknown to you, a mysterious figure hides in the shadows. My plan was simple - the killer would leap out at you and kill your family. The trauma would put you on the path to becoming Batman. One problem: my assassin wouldn't pull the trigger. :''[Phantasm backs off and leaves unnoticed; cut to Phantasm with Waller]'' :'''Amanda Waller''': I argued with her, but deep down, I knew she was right. People say Batman's obsessive, that he'd do anything to achieve his goals - but he'd never resort to murder. So if I was to honor all he stood for... neither could I. :'''Terry McGinnis''': And yet my dad wound up murdered, anyway. Don't you get it? No matter what you did or didn't do, I was gonna end up being Bruce's carbon copy. It was fate. :'''Amanda Waller''': You know, the Lord's been a great comfort to me all these years. Try not to look so surprised. Yeah, I've got a ''lot'' to answer for when I meet Him, but I'd like to believe for all the harm I've caused, I've also done some good. Maybe the angels need a sharp sword too. Like the good book says, He moves in mysterious ways. His plan is a mystery, but here's what isn't. He gave us free will, we choose our ''own'' fate, for good or ill. I've known Bruce Wayne for over fifty years, and I've been keeping an eye on you your whole life. You're not Bruce's clone, you're his ''son.'' There are similarities, mind you, but more than a few differences too. You don't quite have his magnificent brain, for instance. You do have his heart, though. And for all that fierce exterior, I've never met anyone who cared as deeply about his fellow man as Bruce Wayne - except maybe you. You wanna have a better life than the old man's? Take care of the people who love you. Or don't. It's your choice. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce Wayne''': You're in my chair. :'''Terry McGinnis''': Yeah, guess I am. ''[gets up]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': Where the devil have you been? ''[sits down]'' :'''Terry McGinnis''': I had some stuff to take care of. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Enigma's overrated - especially at 3 A.M. You could've called. I made you some soup, but it's cold. :'''Terry McGinnis''': Sorry - didn't mean to worry you. :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[trying to open his medication bottle]'' I was WORRIED about Gotham. If Batman's not around- :'''Terry McGinnis''': ''[opens bottle for Bruce and holds out the pills]'' I've got it covered. Always. :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[looks at Terry for a moment and takes the pills]'' Kent called. Nothing apocalyptic, he just wants your opinion on a case he's working. Said you could meet him at the Metro Tower. :'''Terry McGinnis''': Right. Better suit up. ''[heads for Batcave entrance]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': You should eat something first. Keep up your strength. :'''Terry McGinnis''': When I get back. :'''Bruce Wayne''': You're a stubborn piece of work, you know that? :'''Terry McGinnis''': ''[smiling]'' Just like my old man. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman flies past a police hovercar (in a manner similar to [[w:Man-Bat|Man-Bat]] in the first ''Batman: TAS'' episode, "On Leather Wings"]'' :'''Pilot''': Did you see that? ==Season 3== ===''I Am Legion'' [3.1]=== :'''Lex Luthor''': What? I know. I'm going as fast as I can. :'''Warden''': Luthor! Don't make any sudden moves. It's over. Hold fire! Hold Fire! :'''[[w:Key (comics)|Key]]''': Here we are, Mr. Luthor. Your benefactor is looking forward to meeting you. :'''Lex Luthor''': Does the mystery man have a name? :'''Gorilla Grodd''': No need to be insulting, Lex - I'm far superior to any man. :'''Lex Luthor''': Grodd! I appreciate the help, but gratitude only goes so far. I'm not interested in working with you or anyone else. :'''Gorilla Grodd''': I think you'll change your mind once you've seen what I have to offer. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': Why would you even try to move a prisoner that dangerous without calling us? :'''Warden''': Maybe because we thought we could do our jobs without help from the mighty Justice League. :'''Shayera Hol''': And yet... here we are. :'''Superman''': Okay, Shayera, what's done is done. Let's see if we can pick up his trail. Aztek? :'''Aztek''': The wall's submolecular integrity has been compromised. :'''Shayera Hol''': Leptons showing residual weak-force interactions? :'''Aztek''': Yeah. How did you know? :'''Superman''': It's a common energy signature of matter-phasing technology. I assume it doesn't leave a trail? :'''Shayera Hol''': No such luck. Maybe Aztek could... :'''[[King Faraday|King Faraday]]''': You guys want some coffee? Apparently I got nothing better to do here. :'''Superman''': Sorry, we got caught up in the work. :'''King Faraday''': Special Agent King Faraday. I'm the liaison between the Attorney General's office and the Justice League. :'''Aztek''': Uh, good to meet you. I'm... :'''King Faraday''': Aztek. I've been well briefed on all of you. Security on Luthor's transfer was lax because it didn't seem necessary. We haven't had a peep outta him since he was arrested for that Brainiac business last summer. :'''Warden''': He's a broken man. Just sits in his cell talking to himself. :'''Shayera Hol''': When he's not stealing police vans you mean? :'''Warden''': That came out of nowhere. We had no reason to think he was an active threat. :'''King Faraday''': Do what you can. Put out an APB, stake out airports, train and bus stations. :'''Warden''': Already done, for what it's worth. :'''King Faraday''': If he's sighted, don't approach him. Call in the League. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Warden''': My people can handle this. :'''King Faraday''': No, they can't. Your people are good, Luthor is better. And if you get a lead on him, I expect to be kept in the loop. :'''Superman''': Of course. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gorilla Grodd''': The world's most powerful supervillains, banded together with one common goal. :'''Lex Luthor''': They protect each other from the Justice League. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mairzey''': Chuck? :'''Chuck Sirianni''': What is it, honey? :'''Mairzey''': Your old footlocker's beeping. At first I thought it was the smoke detector. :'''Chuck Sirianni''': That ain't no smoke alarm. It's a sound I never thought I'd hear again. There's trouble on Blackhawk Island. :'''Superman''': Aztek didn't find anything else? :'''Fire''': Sorry, Superman. It was a bad lead. :'''Superman''': Nobody's fault. When you guys do pick up Luthor's trail, call me. I want in. :'''Shayera Hol''': You know what? This new monitor-duty rotation isn't so bad. No more overnights unless you want them. Only one shift a week and you're done. Wally? :'''Flash''': Mmm. :'''Fire''': I'm telling you, you should let it grow out. :''[Flash is staring at Fire from across the room]'' :'''Shayera Hol''': Why don't you just go talk to her? :'''Flash''': What, me? Talk to her No way! :'''Shayera Hol''': Yeah, you'd probably be wasting your time anyway. I hear she's... :'''Fire''': you know... ''[Flash looks curiously at her]'' :'''Shayera Hol''': Brazilian. :'''Flash''': Ha, ha. :'''Shayera Hol''': If you're afraid to talk to her, I'll tell her for you. ''[Starts walking over to Fire]'' :'''Flash''': ''[Stopping her]'' Don't! :'''Shayera Hol''': You are so very sad. :'''King Faraday''': Got something for you. Tell Hawkgirl your story, Mr. Sirianni. :'''Chuck Sirianni''': We met a while back, ma'am. Longer for me than for you. When you traveled in time to World War II, you fought alongside my squadron. :'''Shayera Hol''': You're one of the Blackhawks. :'''Chuck Sirianni''': Only one still kicking, I'm sorry to say. :'''Flash''': What's the problem? :'''Chuck Sirianni''': During the war and for decades after, we captured a lot of weapons. Real sci-fi stuff. We hid the worst of it on Blackhawk Island. We decommissioned the place over 30 years ago. But this morning, the old security alarm went off. Might be nothing. :'''Shayera Hol''': Or it might be someone raiding your armory. We'll take a look. Shayera out. Pick a third for the team. :'''Flash''': Um... :'''Shayera Hol''': Oh, Yob Shiggurath! Hey, Fire! :'''Fire''': Yes? :'''Shayera Hol''': We've got a mission. Let's go. :'''Chuck Sirianni''': I'm not going to argue with you about this. :'''Mairzey''': I didn't come to argue. It gets cold up there. :'''Key''': Allow me. Something of a specialty of mine. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Fire''': You haven't said a word the whole trip. :'''Flash''': Buh... :'''Fire''': I was hoping this mission would give us a chance to get to know each other a little better. :'''Flash''': Um, umm, something... :'''Fire''': I understand — you're very deep in thought, mentally preparing for the battle. No time for women — I understand. Oh! :'''Shayera''': Oops! Sorry. Two bogeys closing fast. I'm losing it. We're going down. Get ready to bail. Ejector pod's off-line. We're gonna have to do this the hard way. I got it. :'''Chuck Sirianni''': Hawk! Aah! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash''': That thing's gonna blow! You need both hands to help Shayera - drop me! ''[Fire is uncertain; Flash winks - Fire smiles and lets go]'' ''[in freefall]'' Sure hope I think of something before I hit the ground... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': He ''told'' you to drop him? :'''[[w:Fire (DC Comics)|Fire]]''': He's a senior member of the team! :'''Shayera Hol''': You know he can't ''fly'', right? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash''': ''[Hovering above the ground by spinning his arms]'' Hey ladies, check me out! I'm just like a helicopter! ''[Loses balance and crashes to the ground]'' I'm sorta like a helicopter... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': Don't you ever scare me like that again! ''[stalks off]'' :'''Flash''' : ''[To Fire]'' She loves me. She's like the big sister I never had, only... you know. Short. :'''Chuck Sirianni''': Wait up. I know everything there is to know about this island. You're going to need my help. :'''Flash''': We've got it covered. And, no offense, but you're a little old for this kind of work. :'''Chuck Sirianni''': Something's activated the island's defense grid.You wanna make it outta here alive, I'm coming with you. Whoever's on the island will be headed for master control. That's in a bunker under the Blackhawk Victory Museum. :'''Shayera Hol''': Where you stored the weapons you captured? :'''Chuck Sirianni''': Yeah, there's some serious ordnance there. Even got a couple of old war wheels. :'''Fire''': Wasn't all that stuff destroyed in the war? :'''Chuck Sirianni''': Don't believe everything you see on the Documentary Channel. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash''': War wheels, robot condors. You got a pretty goofy security system here! :'''[[w:Blackhawk (comics)|Chuck Sirianni]]''': Yeah. Good times. :'''Shayera Hol''': I see something. :'''Chuck Sirianni''': Somebody ain't impressed with the security. :'''Key''': We have to hurry. :'''Lex Luthor''': That should keep them occupied. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex Luthor''': You're the human lockpick. Why don't you do this? :'''Key''': Grodd's not testing me. :'''Doctor Polaris''': Company's coming. :'''Chuck Sirianni''': Whoever you guys are, you've got no business being in here. :'''Doctor Polaris''': Sorta goes with the territory — we're thieves. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': We going to do this the hard way, Lex? Please say yes. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash''': Now why is it you always find the keys in the last place you look? :'''Lex Luthor''': Let them go. They're pathetic, but they're with me. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Lex is holding Chuck hostage]'' :'''Chuck Sirianni''': ''[to the Leaguers]'' I'm sorry. If I were 20 years younger... :'''Lex Luthor''': You'd still be ancient. Keep quiet! :'''Watchtower Computer''': Island self-destruct sequence initiated. Three minutes to detonation. :'''Lex Luthor''': Chew on that for a while. We're leaving. If you follow, you know what happens to him. What did you do? Don't bother. We got what we came for. :'''Flash''': Forget it. There's still time for me to run us out to the water. :'''Shayera Hol''': No. I'm not going to let all this history be lost. I can't crack the code, but maybe if I... :'''Chuck Sirianni''': You better let me do that. :'''Watchtower Computer''': Self-destruct sequence canceled. :'''Chuck Sirianni''': Can't fix everything by hitting it. :'''Flash''': What was in there? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gorilla Grodd''': The Spear of Longinus. Hitler believed that whoever holds it is invincible. :'''Lex Luthor''': What are you going to do with it? Sell it to the highest bidder? Keep it yourself and try to conquer the world? :'''Gorilla Grodd''': I was thinking it would look good on the wall in my office. :'''Lex Luthor''': You mean you recruited me, sent me to an island full of death traps, and up against the Justice League. You made me risk my life, and all for nothing?!? :'''Gorilla Grodd''': Essentially... yes. :'''Lex Luthor''': ''[laughs]'' Monkey, I like your style. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex Luthor''': I should kill you! :'''Gorilla Grodd''': But you won't. :'''Lex Luthor''': No. Not today. :'''Fire''': Luthor sure didn't waste any time rounding up a crew. Who were those guys? :'''Flash''': Dr. Polaris and The Key? I don't know. They've never worked with Luthor before. :'''Fire''': All I know is Superman's going to be pretty ticked that we let Luthor get away just to keep some musty old museum from being destroyed. :'''Flash''': It was worth it. ===''Shadow Of The Hawk'' [3.2]=== :'''[[w:Dreamslayer|Dreamslayer]]''': You think you can defeat me with a bubble?!? :''[Dreamslayer uses his flame with more intensity in an attempt to break the bubble, the air runs out with Dreamslayer surrounded by smoke, Lantern dissolves the bubble and watches as Dreamslayer falls on top of a car]]'' :'''Green Lantern''': It's a really good bubble. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Shayera is about to get onto an elevator]'' :'''Green Lantern''': Shayera, I wanted to - ''[doors open; sees Shayera in an evening gown]'' Judas Priest! :'''Shayera Hol''': Problem? :'''Green Lantern''': No, no, it's just, uh... I've... never seen you in a dress before. :'''Shayera Hol''': You don't like it? :'''Green Lantern''': It's, uh... fetching. :'''Shayera Hol''': If you want one for Vixen, I can tell you where I got it. :''[Both get closer, about to kiss]'' :'''Green Lantern''': ''[clears throat]'' Listen... :''[Batman gets on the elevator]'' :'''Batman''': Glad I caught you before you did something stupid. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[on [[w:Hawkman|Carter Hall]]]'' Had an excellent reputation until about five years ago, when he started claiming that aliens landed in ancient Egypt. :'''Shayera Hol''': ''[sarcastic]'' Aliens? Well, then he ''must'' be a lunatic, because we ''know'' there's no life on other planets. :'''Batman''': There's more. :'''Shayera Hol''': What? :'''Batman''': Our Mr. Hall spends quite bit of time on the Internet. :'''Shayera Hol''': Dang, lock him up! :'''Batman''': He frequents the "I Hate Hawkgirl" bulletin boards. :'''Shayera Hol''': That doesn't mean... "Boards"?! How many are there?! :'''Batman''': Fifty-seven. Web rings. Unaffiliated sites number in the hundreds- :'''Shayera Hol''': Forget I asked! :'''Batman''': Hall keeps getting banned from them, for flaming the "Anti-Shayera" posters. :'''Shayera Hol''': So he's a fan? :'''Batman''': He's a ''stalker.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': Carter Hall has uncovered a genuine mystery, and I think it's worth investigating. :'''Green Lantern''': You should take backup. ''[Shayera glares]'' I meant Batman! I- ''we'' don't want you walking into a trap. :'''Shayera Hol''': ''[picking up Thanagarian dagger]'' I can take care of myself, thanks. :'''Batman''': The point is- :'''Shayera Hol''': The ''point'' is you don't trust me. Either of you. ''[Walks to elevator]'' Don't wait up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Carter Hall''': The trick is the raised glyphs. If you push them in the right order, they deactivate all the traps down here. :'''Shayera Hol''': And if you get it wrong? :'''Carter Hall''': Well, we're already in a tomb, so that's handy... <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Carter reveals that he believes he was "Hawkman" in a previous life.]'' :'''Shayera Hol''': I'm sorry. I'm not laughing at you... exactly. I just... I've got the worst taste in men. :'''Carter Hall''': I'm serious, Shayera. :'''Shayera Hol''': I know you are. And I'm in a lost Egyptian tomb with my stalker. The worst part is I'm going to have to listen to John and Batman saying "I told you so." <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': How stupid do you think I am? :'''Batman''': Scale of one to ten? ===''Chaos At The Earth's Core'' [3.3]=== :'''Little girl''': Don't you talk about Supergirl! Supergirl can melt you with her eyes! :'''Stargirl''': Big whoop. My stepdad here is a mecha! :''[S.T.R.I.P.E. waves hello]'' :'''Little girl''': Mecha's so last year. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Supergirl''': Why can't we just fly straight home? :'''Green Lantern''': Over the North Pole is the straightest route. Rookie. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Courtney Whitmore (comics)|Stargirl]]''': She's always "blah, blah, blah, my cousin, blah, blah, BLAH, blah, my cousin." Like we don't know who she means. "Check me out, I'm Supergirl!" :'''[[w:Pat Dugan|S.T.R.I.P.E.]]''': Ask me, Courtney, the only thing that matters is we all pulled through. :'''Stargirl''': Shut up, Pat. It wasn't World War III, it was a giant turtle. :'''S.T.R.I.P.E.''': If I was you, I wouldn't talk behind somebody's back, especially when they got super-hearing. <hr width="50%"/> :''[A powerless Supergirl is under attack by enemies. Stargirl flies down and gloats]'' :'''Supergirl''': What are you waiting for? Zap 'em with your star-thingy! :'''Stargirl''': Oh, may I? 'Cause it would be such an honor to help the great Supergirl out of a jam. :'''Supergirl''': Come on! ''[Stargirl uses her Cosmic Staff and knocks out the attackers]'' You are so loving this! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Lantern''': Let's get this over with. Kara, you... ''[Supergirl leaps off the battlements into the fray with a sword]'' Fine. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Deimos''': My magic is strongest, girl! :'''Stargirl''': Your breath is strongest, dude. That's about it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Deimos''': [''about Stargirl''] Such a pretty child. But then, they're always pretty — when I begin. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Warlord (comics)|Warlord]]''': Deimos! You and me, pal! :'''Deimos''': Morgan. I was hoping to kill you today. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Metallo''': I can't move without my kryptonite battery. But it's killing you. :'''Supergirl''': I won't quit. :'''Stargirl''': You don't have to. :'''Warlord''': Will there ever be another time such as ours? The great stone is safe! Deimos is defeated! Now and forever! Skartaris is free! :'''Green Lantern''': John Corbin. Alias Metallo. Fancy meeting you here in the center of the Earth. Muling kryptonite with Silver Banshee. You could pretty much run forever on this one little chunk. And without it... What do you have? Fifteen minutes of reserve power? Ten? Tell me, why do you want so much? There's enough in that tabernacle to satisfy a hundred Superman haters! :'''Supergirl''': There's a scary thought. :'''Metallo''': You won't get anything out of me. :'''Green Lantern''': Pretty soon you aren't gonna have the breath to talk. Who knows? Five minutes? One? :'''Metallo''': All right. I've joined forces with-- :''[Metallo screaming in agony]'' :'''S.T.R.I.P.E.''': Whoa, Nelly! :'''Green Latnern''': This isn't Silver Banshee's work. Somebody else didn't want Metallo to give them up. :'''Warlord''': You'll take that thing with you. :'''S.T.R.I.P.E.''': Definitely. And the great stone too. Let GL whip it into the sun. :'''Supergirl''': Wait. This is the one place where kryptonite can do some good. :'''Warlord''': That is a fact. :'''Green Lantern''': We don't want Silver Banshee coming back after it. So the only way I'll let the stone stay here is if we seal the portal to Skartaris permanently. :'''Warlord''': Fine by me. I got everything I need... right here. :'''Green Lantern''': There. I doubt even I could get back through. :'''Stargirl''': How you feeling? Need a lift? :'''Supergirl''': No. I'm good. :'''S.T.R.I.P.E.''': Courtney, you slow your butt down! :'''Stargirl''': Ugh. My dad. :'''Supergirl''': I know. Superman tried to keep me on the farm. Made me hide there for three years. :'''Stargirl''': Big deal. I've still got a curfew. Enough cosmic energy to trash a city and I can't stay out past ten. :'''Supergirl''': Three years. On a farm. In Kansas. :'''Green Lantern''': We'll have J'onn probe what's left of Metallo's mind. I wanna know what he was going to say. Something's going on, ain't it? ===''To Another Shore'' [3.4]=== :'''Green Arrow''': ''[wolf whistles]'' Lookin' good, Diana. Got a date? :'''Wonder Woman''': No such luck, Ollie. I'm representing Themyscira at the global warming conference. :'''Green Arrow''': Way to go, man. Save the planet! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': Agent Faraday - what are you doing here? :'''King Faraday''': Not smoking. Want some? ''[offers Wonder Woman gum]'' :'''Wonder Woman''': No thanks. :'''King Faraday''': I'm here with the Special Security Team - the Vice President is attending. But you know that already, I saw you reading him the riot act earlier. :'''Wonder Woman''': I'm not much of a diplomat. :'''King Faraday''': Don't sell yourself short, lady - you're an international incident waiting to happen. ''[walks off]'' By the way, if you raise your voice to the VP again, my men are under orders to shoot you. ''[he pops his gum and points a finger at her, miming a gun. She holds up an arm, showing that she is wearing her bracelets underneath her business suit, and taps her nail against one.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': J'onn, I've got a situation. :'''Martian Manhunter''': Watchtower sensors have picked up the earth tremors from your location. I knew you were on the scene and assumed you could handle it. :'''Wonder Woman''': Well, I can't. I'm outnumbered, and I'm not feeling well. :'''Martian Manhunter''': We're still shorthanded. I could spare Green Arrow, and... Mr. Terrific. :'''Wonder Woman''': Bring who you want, J'onn, but I need ''you!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': I think you'll make a great diplomat...leave your sword. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Killer Frost''': You are a beautiful man. ''[freezes the agent]'' I think I'll keep you. <hr width="50%"/> :[''After escaping from an ice barrier around him''] :'''Green Arrow''': And Black Canary said a buzzsaw arrow was self-indulgent. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Submarine Henchman''': What're ''you'' doing in here? :''[Green Arrow knocks him out]'' :'''Green Arrow''': Well, for one thing, it's freezing outside. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Killer Frost''': ''[To J'onn]'' Let me go, freak! Or so help me, I'll give you frostbite in places you didn't even know you had places! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Killer Frost''': Kiss my frosty butt! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Faraday''': Attention, unidentified craft. This is Special Agent King Faraday. Your vessel is currently surrounded by three United States Navy Seawolf-class submarines. While I strongly suggest that you surrender immediately and prepare to be boarded, I really enjoy firing Trident missiles at tiny little subs, so the decision's entirely up to you. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Wonder Woman reads from ''[[w:The Rime of the Ancient Mariner|The Rime of the Ancient Mariner]]'' as [[w:Viking Prince|Prince Jon]]'s body and ship are sent into the Sun.]'' :And now all in my own country :I stood on the firm land! :The Hermit stepped forth from the boat :And scarcely he could stand. :"O shrieve me, shrieve me, holy man!" :The Hermit crossed his brow. :"Say quick," quoth he, "I bid thee say- :What manner of man art thou?" :Forthwith this frame of mine was wrenched :With a woeful agony, :Which forced me to begin my tale; :And then it left me free. :Since then, at an uncertain hour :That agony returns; :And till my ghastly tale is told, :This heart within me burns. :I pass, like night, from land to land; :I have strange power of speech; :That moment that his face I see, :I know the man that must hear me; :To him my tale I teach. ===''Flash And Substance'' [3.5]=== :'''Mirror Master''': Gentlemen, we live in brutal times. Last week, to make ends meet, I was reduced to hijacking a tractor-trailer full of sports cars. :'''Captain Cold''': That is so beneath you. At least knock over a bank. :'''Trickster''': You gotta visualize. :'''Captain Cold''': Visualize? What the heck does that mean? If I don't "visualize" a mortgage payment soon, the wife will have me bagging groceries for a living. :'''Captain Boomerang''': She's always been an Ice Queen, that one. <hr width="50%"/> :''[After quickly dashing into a janitor's closet]'' :'''Flash''': ''[as Wally West]'' Watchtower, table for one. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Captain Boomerang''': Well, at least he didn't make me eat my own laser kaleidoscope... :'''Mirror Master''': That's a rumor! A complete exaggeration. And anyway, it was a laser pistol. :'''Captain Cold''': It's like that time I stole an entire train while it was moving. The way people tell it, you'd think the Flash shoved my cold gun- <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mirror Master''': So, we're the hardest men in town- :'''Waitress''': ''[clears throat]'' What'll it be, boys? :'''Captain Boomerang''': [[w:Arnold Palmer (drink)|Arnold Palmer]]. :'''Trickster:''' Cherry cola! :'''Mirror Master''': Decaf soy latte. :'''Captain Cold''': Milk. ''[the others stare at him; sheepishly]'' My ulcer's been acting up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash''': Oh right, uh, cause it's Flash Appreciation Day. Yeah, it'll be great. I understand if everybody's too busy to come, no biggie. My mom's gonna be there. Let's see, my uncle's flying in. Be great if one of the original seven made it. I mean, okay, yeah, it's the Flash Museum, but to me, the whole League deserves the honor, all of us, like I said no biggie... ''[sighs sorrowfully]'' :'''Batman''': What time? :'''Flash''': Six o'clock. ''[realizes]'' Nooooo... You're really coming?! Awesome! You're a stand up guy, Bats! Don't ever let them call you a crazed loner. ''[leaves]'' :'''Orion''': ''[to Batman]'' I can't believe you let that buffoon manipulate you. You'd never catch me at one of those museum openings. ''[Batman glares at him]'' ...It's not black tie, is it? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash''': Mirror Master! :'''Mirror Master''': You’re quick as ever. :'''Flash''': Yeah? Well, you’re... you’re not really all there! :'''Mirror Master''': Oh, nice try. If you'd had another ''minute'' you’d probably think of a decent comeback. ''[the disco ball starts firing random lasers at Flash, who evades]'' Sadly you don't have the time. ''[one of the blasts takes Flash down]'' In another minute you'll be dead! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash''': While you're waiting for me to come arrest you, why not take the time and ''reflect'' on your mistakes? ''[walks away]'' Hey, that was pretty good. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Flash is tied to a giant rocket-powered boomerang]'' :'''Flash''': ''[To Captain Boomerang]'' I swear, when I get outta this, I'm gonna find you and hurl all over you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Captain Boomerang''': Touch of dizziness. You might find it useful to fix on one point on the horizon. For instance, that mountain you're set to crash into. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Orion''': Flash? :'''Flash''': Hey, guys. :'''Orion''': You're tied to a very large boomerang. :'''Flash''': Yeah...? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash''': Listen, I need to go home and change before the opening tonight. :'''Batman''': We're coming with you. :'''Flash''': You really don't have to. :'''Batman''': ''We're coming''... With you. :'''Flash''': ''[sighs]'' OK! You guys are so slow! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After hearing the Trickster's overly elaborate plan]'' :'''Captain Cold''': You know what? Taking turns is dumb. Let's just all jump him at the museum. :'''Mirror Master''': Brilliant! :'''Captain Boomerang''': Good deal. :'''Trickster''': But come on. It'll be great. ''[the other Rogues leave as Trickster continues]'' Okay, you don't like the barf? I can make do with 50,000 rotten eggs and a chainsaw. Well, if that's the way you're gonna be, forget about it! I quit! Nobody gets me. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Flash, Batman, and [[w: Orion (comics)|Orion]] enter a bar to confront the [[w: Trickster (comics)|Trickster]]. The Rogues spot them and dash out.]'' :'''Trickster''': I mean what's so special about a "disco of death?" Heck with 'em! I'm an artist! They're just robbing banks. Captain Cold, Captain Boomerang... Probably would have gone for it if I was a "Captain"... :''[Flash clears his throat.]'' :'''Trickster''': Got ya! :''[Trickster fires a gun with a nose-shaped barrel. Batman slaps it away, and the blast hits the pool table behind them.]'' :'''Trickster''': It's a snot gun. Ha ha. :'''Batman''': Where are the others? :'''Trickster''': Those crabby hacks can go plug a hole for all I care. But I'm not about to rat 'em out! :'''Batman''': Orion? :'''Orion''': ''[grabs Trickster]'' Talk, while you still have a jaw! :'''Flash''': Hey hey! Would you guys ''please'' take it down a notch? Let me handle this. ''[leads Trickster back to the bar and sits with him]'' James, you're off your meds, aren't you? :'''Trickster''': Better off without 'em. Take 'em if I start feeling down. :'''Flash''': You know that's not how the medicine works. You're not well! :'''Trickster''': I'm ''fine''. You wanna throw some darts? :'''Flash''': No. Listen, James. You're wearing the suit again! :'''Trickster''': I am? ''[examines his clothing]'' Well, whaddaya know? :'''Flash''': Here's the deal, buddy. Tell me where those guys went, and I'll come see you in the hospital. We'll play darts...! The soft kind. :'''Trickster''': Okay, they're gonna ambush you at the Flash Museum. :'''Flash''': See? That's all we needed! ''[gets up to leave with Batman and Orion]'' Come on, we better get over there. :'''Orion''': What about your enemy? :'''Flash''': Oh, right! ''[Calls to Trickster]'' Dude, soon as you finish your drink, turn yourself in! :'''Trickster''': ''[raising his mug]'' Got me again, Flash! <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Linda_Park_(comics)|Linda Park]]''': When we come back, I'll try to get with him... Get ''to'' him... For an interview... Are we off? Geez. He's a total babe. Like the entire track team at once. I can't believe you're not into him, Marla. :'''Marla''': Okay... Now you're off. ''[Linda face-palms with her notes in embarrassment]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Orion''': ''[about Flash]'' Central City builds statues to this... fool. Who makes bad jokes. Who concerns himself with pitiful men like the Trickster. I don't understand. :'''Batman''': No... you don't. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Captain Cold''': That's it? I was all set to crack some bones. :'''Orion''': Then brace yourself! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Orion''': Now I understand. You play the fool to hide a warrior's pain. :'''Flash''': Dude. Bad guys went down, and no one got hurt. You know what I call that? A really good day. ===''Dead Reckoning'' [3.6]=== :'''The Master''': I know you are here, Boston Brand. :'''Deadman''': ''[Appears]'' What's the point of being a flippin'ghost if you can't even sneak up on people? For that matter, what's the point of being a ghost, period? It's been over a year since I caught the man who murdered me. :'''The Master''': So your work here is done. You are ready to pass on to the next level? :'''Deadman''': I don't know what "ready" means, but I feel like I done my time. :'''The Master''': And yet, here you are. :'''Deadman''': “Here you are”? What kind of lousy wisdom is “Here you are?” :'''The Master''': If you seek knowledge, you have but to ask. :'''Deadman''': I've avenged my own death. Why am I still here? :'''The Master''': Your destiny is not to avenge your own death. Your destiny is to avenge mine. :'''Deadman''': What? :''[In the Himalayas]'' :'''Devil Ray''': Grodd never sends us to any place nice. :'''Taj Ze''': This humble one begs your forgiveness, but to enter this sacred place, the right must be earned. :'''Devil Ray''': ''[Shoots him]'' Keep the change. :'''Young Monk''': This humble one begs your forgiveness... but no outsider is permitted in the temple of Nanda Parbat. :'''Atomic Skull''': That's cute, kid. Get out of the way or I'll spank you. :'''Young Monk''': This would also not be permitted. :''[Atomic Skull grunting]'' :'''Devil Ray''': ''[chuckles]'' Little Bruce Lee's got your number. Lucky thing you've got us for backup. :'''Young Monk''': This humble one would not presume to fight you alone. :'''Ramparge''': Now things are getting interesting. :'''Lex Luthor''': Take them down. Bizarro, you despise me right? :'''Bizarro''': Uh-huh. Bizarro hate Luthor. Me do anything for he. :'''Lex Luthor''': Good—I mean, bad. Anyway, take care of those monks. :'''Bizarro''': Okay. :'''Devil Ray''': Stand aside or you're dead. :'''The Master''': In the fullness of time, we are all dead. This is not the way to end my life. Ah! :''[Deadman gasps]'' :'''Deadman''': Master! :'''The Master''': Do not waste your time, Boston Brand. This portion of my journey has come to an end. :'''Deadman''': But-- :'''The Master''': We will meet again. :'''Deadman''': I'm gonna make you pay! :'''Lex Luthor''': Rampage, what's wrong with you? :'''Tala''': She has been possessed. Out, undead spirit! :''[Deadman screaming]'' :'''Rampage''': What just happened? :'''Tala''': This is it. The heart of Nanda Parbat. We have what we came for. It's time to leave. :''[Deadman groans]'' :''[Deadman crying]'' :'''Tala''': I have done as you ask, Lord Grodd. :'''Lex Luthor''': Get off your knees, woman. :'''Tala''': Not until my master says so. :'''Gorilla Grodd''': Excellent work, my dear. You may rise. :'''Lex Luthor''': You're pathetic. Debasing yourself like that. :'''Tala''': I owe Grodd everything. I would still be trapped in that mirror if he hadn't freed me. :'''Devil Ray''': When Giganta gets out of prison, she ain't gonna appreciate you hanging on to her boyfriend like that. :'''Tala''': That's her problem. Giganta's not nearly enough woman for Grodd. :'''Gorilla Grodd''': True. :'''Lex Luthor''': If you're quite finished demonstrating what an alpha male you are, maybe you'd care to explain what you intend to do with that thing. :'''Gorilla Grodd''': Already told you, but you won't accept it. You don't believe in magic. :'''Lex Luthor''': It's not a matter of belief. I'm just unaccustomed to working with something I don't fully understand. :'''Gorilla Grood''': As long as the amplifier you built for me works... :'''Lex Luthor''': It does. :'''Gorilla Grodd''': Then consider this an exotic power source. You don't need to understand anything more. :'''Lex Luthor''': You can't produce a carrier wave of the amplitude you talk about with this building's cloaking field generator. :'''Gorilla Grodd''': So you've convinced me. I don't intend to use our field generator. :'''Lex Luthor''': You're planning to build one? :'''Gorilla Grood''': Luthor, Luthor, Luthor. Why build when we can take what we want? Gentlemen, shall we go? :'''Deadman''': Rama Kushna. Just like you to show up too late to help. :'''Rama Kushna''': Your impertinence is refreshing as always. But have a care. The gods are capricious. :'''Deadman''': What do you want from me? The master is dead. They're all dead. :'''Rama Kushna''': Do not presume to lecture me on the nature of reality. The monks have not yet passed from this plane. :'''Deadman''': They're in some kind of coma? :'''Rama Kushna''': That is as close to the truth as you are capable of comprehending. You must retrieve the heart of Nanda Parbat, or they will remain in their current state for all time. I have spoken. :'''Deadman''': How the heck am I supposed to do that? :'''Superman''': Is that really everything? :'''Batman''': We're done. All reports filed. :'''Wonder Woman''': Good. What you guys say we get something to eat? We hardly spend time together when we're not working. :'''Superman''': Sounds good to me. But I'm tired of commissary food. :'''Batman''': I'd like to, Diana, but I've been away from Gotham too long. :'''Superman''': Come on, Bruce. I know a burger place in Metropolis that has the best fries on the East Coast. And the milkshakes are so thick-- ''[is possessed by [[w: Deadman|Deadman]]]'' :'''Deadman''': I need your help. :'''Wonder Woman''': That's pretty thick. :'''Superman''': I'm serious. I need your help on a mission of vengeance. Now, don't be alarmed, but I'm not Superman. I'm-- :'''Batman''': A ghost, inhabiting his body. Is that you, Boston? :'''Superman''': Hi, Bats. When I'm working, people call me "Deadman." :'''Wonder Woman''': You know this... ghost? :'''Superman''': Yeah, Batman helped me solve my own murder a while back. Now I need your help again. :'''Wonder Woman''': If you hurt Superman, I'll-- :'''Superman''': Relax. He doesn't even know I'm in here. :'''Batman''': We can't see or hear him, otherwise. Once he leaves, Superman will be fine. :'''Superman''': It's like he says. :'''Batman''': Why are you still around? I thought once your murder was solved, your exile was ended. :'''Superman''': You and me both. You know how they say, "No good deed goes unpunished"? I guess I shot my mouth off to the wrong deity. :'''Wonder Woman''': What's this about? :'''Superman''': A bunch of supervillains busted into Nanda Parbat and stole a mystic totem filled with the souls of hundreds of monks. And they killed the master. :'''Wonder Woman''': Batman? :'''Superman''': He knew the master even before I did. :'''Batman''': He was one of my martial arts teachers. :'''Superman''': With all the power in this body, it'd be easy to punish the men responsible. If I could find them. :'''Batman''': That's not the master's way. Or yours. We'll find them, and we'll see that justice is done. Not vengeance. :'''Superman''': Yeah. Fun to think about, though. :'''Wonder Woman''': Let's go up to Ops and see if you can't pick the bad guys out of a photo array. You're sure that's not the magician you saw? :'''Superman''': Nope. All the rest of them are right on, though. :'''Batman''': First sign of Luthor since Shayera saw him on Blackhawk Island. What's he up to? :'''Wonder Woman''': This seems like it might be bigger than Luthor. Agent Faraday told me Devil Ray escaped from prison. And Bizarro showing up again... And all the odd teams of previously unaffiliated villains-- :'''Batman''': Whose brains have conveniently been shorting out when we questioned them. :'''Mr. Terrific''': Do you guys remember the one bit of information J'onn was able to pull out of Giganta's mind before it shut down? :'''Wonder Woman''': Grodd. Think he's put together a new secret society? :'''Batman''': Except this time he's doing a better job of keeping the secret. :'''Wonder Woman''': So how do we find them? :'''Superman''': I wish I could help. I can feel the psychic screams of the souls they stole. But I can't pinpoint a location. All I get are images of Africa. I know. A continent doesn't much narrow things down, but it's all I can... :'''Wonder Woman''': Gorilla City. He's gone back home. :'''Batman''': ''[From the Watchtower]'' Solovar, this is Batman. :'''Solovar''': What a coincidence. I was just about to call you. :'''Batman''': We wanted to give you a heads-up. We got reason to believe... ''[Solovar is shown crouching behind rubble, holding a gun. Sounds of battle]'' ...Grodd's coming your way. :'''Solovar''': You don't say! That would explain the armies of supervillains attacking the city! :'''Batman''': How bad? :'''Solovar''': They've all but taken over. They're holding the central control building. We could use some help if you have any to spare. Can't chat. Signing off? :'''Deadman''': ''[Possessing Superman]'' Gorilla City? :'''Wonder Woman''': A hidden city of talking, hyper-intelligent gorillas, with technology far beyond anything humans have developed. :'''Deadman''': No, really! :'''Wonder Woman''': You're a ghost from the Himalayas, having trouble believing this? :'''Deadman''': Point. :'''Deadman''': ''[Possessing Superman]'' You know, when they beam down on a [[Star Trek that TV show]], they never miss. :'''Wonder Woman''': We didn't miss, either. It's a force field, but it also hides the city from prying eyes. :'''Deadman''': ''[Possessing Superman]'' Looks like a job for Superman! :''[Superman grunting]'' :'''Batman''': You're wasting time! Go in as a ghost. Find the central control and shut down the shield generator. We'll follow as soon as we can. :'''Deadman''': ''[Possessing Superman]'' Yeah, okay! :''[Deadman leaves Superman's body]'' :'''Superman''': ...you have to eat them(i.e. the milkshakes at Superman's favorite burger restaurant) with a spoon! ''[looks around]'' What am I doing in Africa? :'''Deadman''': ''[Possessing Atomic Skull]'' You two, Devil Ray wants you outside right now. Go on. I'll take care of things here. You'd think the thing would be a big red button, or at least have a sign on it or something. The heck with it. :''[Atomic skull grunting]'' :'''Superman''': That's our cue. :'''Lex Luthor''': Skull! What do you think you're doing?! :'''Atomic Skull''': I gotta say, I don't have a good answer for you. :'''Tala''': It's the ghost. He's here again. But this time, I will take care of him for good. :''[Deadman screaming]'' :''[Deadman screaming]'' :'''Tala''': I cannot destroy him. :'''Gorilla Grodd''': Can you at least get him out of our hair for a bit? :'''Tala''': Yes. I banish you from this place, evil spirit. :''[Deadman grunting]'' :'''Lex Luthor''': We lost shield power for 41 seconds before the backup kicked in. We have to assume-- :'''Gorilla Grodd''': That the Justice League is here. They are headed this way. We need more time to complete our work. Then it won't matter. :'''Lex Luthor''': I'm on it. Bizarro. Superman is your best friend. Do you understand? :'''Bizarro''': Bizarro understand. Superman am friend. Bizarro must kill him. :'''Deadman''': ''[Possessing Wonder Woman]'' You killed my teacher. My friend. :'''Devil Ray''': You'll have to be more specific, lady. I've killed a lot of people. :'''Wonder Woman''': The old monk. :''[Devil Ray grunting]'' :''[Devil Ray groans]'' :'''Devil Ray''': What are you waiting for? You want revenge? Take it. :'''Wonder Woman''': No. That's not what he would have wanted. ''[angered because Deadman possessed her to fight Devil Ray]'' Next time, ask permission! :'''Gorilla Grodd''': Tala, we're ready for the heart. :'''Lex Luthor''': Good. Then all I have to do is install this mind control module, and you'll be able to project your will over the entire world. Present company excepted, of course. :'''Gorilla Grodd''': Actually, that's just what I wanted you to think. My true plans are far more grand. Tala? :'''Lex Luthor''': Some sort of genetic reconfiguration matrix? :'''Gorilla Grodd''': You show impressive intellect for a homo sapiens. Using the massive carrier wave that, thanks to you, Gorilla City's shield generator can now produce-- I'm about to send a signal that will rewrite human DNA. A devolution ray that will turn every man, woman, and child on Earth into an ape! :''[Bizarro groans]'' :''[Bizarro grunting]'' :'''Batman''': You okay? :'''Superman''': Yeah. Let's wrap this up. :'''Wonder Woman''': ''[turned into a gorilla]'' Oh, come on! :'''Lex Luthor''': ''[turned into a gorilla]'' Why am I not surprised? :'''Gorilla Grodd''': Don't bother. It's too late. :'''Superman''': ''[turned into a gorilla]'' Tell me how to stop it. :'''Gorilla Grodd''': Get us out of here, Tala. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': Is everything okay? :'''Wonder Woman''': Well, I’m sort of missing Flash’s obligatory joke about how Grodd made a monkey out of us. :'''Superman''': Just couldn’t let it go unsaid. :'''Wonder Woman''': Obligatory. :'''Deadman''': That's it, guys. Yuk it up. You saved the world, but I failed. Everyone in Nanda Parbat is gone-- forever. :'''Solovar''': We're in your debt again, Justice League. :'''Superman''': If only Luthor and Grodd hadn't gotten away. :'''Solovar''': If it's any consolation, we've picked up nearly a dozen of his super-powered cronies-- with more to come, I'm sure. :''[Devil Ray groans]'' :''[Devil Ray screaming]'' :'''Batman''': No. I didn't mean. :''[Batman grunting]'' :'''Superman''': Bruce, Deadman took over your body. It wasn't your fault. :'''Deadman''': Let me explain. He would have shot her. I didn't have a choice. :'''Rama Kushna''': Boston Brand, your actions have led to the death of another. :'''Deadman''': I'm sorry. I-- I didn't mean to-- :'''Rama Kushna''': Intentions are immaterial. You were gifted with power to be used to balance the scales of karma. Because of your actions, the scale now is unbalanced. :'''Deadman''': Unbalanced? Thanks to Devil Ray and his team, the master and all the other monks are dead. :'''Rama Kushna''': Incorrect. When the heart was shattered, the essences of the monks were set free. Even now their souls return to their rightful places. :'''The Master''': No one dies in Nanda Parbat. But the scales are unbalanced. Your work in this world is not yet done. :''[After Gorilla Grodd's plan has failed]'' :'''Lex Luthor''': Since there's only one monkey left around here, I'm assuming that the Justice League found a way to stop the carrier wave. :'''Gorilla Grodd''': There's more than one way to peel a banana. Next time- :'''Lex Luthor''': I wasn't going to do this for another couple of weeks, but seriously... ''[rises from table and draws a gun]'' Turning all of humanity into ''apes''? ''[aims weapon at Grodd]'' ''That'' was your master plan?! ''[Shoots Grodd, then turns to the other villains]'' Listen up! From now on, ''I'm'' in charge of this operation. Anybody got a problem with that? :''[No one challenges him; Tala sidles up to him]'' :'''Tala''': No problem at all... baby. ===''Patriot Act'' [3.7]=== :'''Amanda Waller''': You look well, General. The past few months have been good to you. :'''General Wade Eiling''': Mrs. Waller, due respect, this reassignment is a joke. Never thought I'd become a desk drone. :'''Amanda Waller''': I can't help you there. Langley all but scrapped Project Cadmus and insisted on your transfer. We're lucky we're not all in jail. :'''General Wade Eiling''': Look, the only mistake we made was trusting Luthor. :'''Amanda Waller''': ''Wade''. You know better than to dwell on the past. :'''[[w:General Wade Eiling|General Wade Eiling]]''': I'm talking about right now. The Justice League is still the single greatest threat to global security. :'''Amanda Waller''': I used to believe that too. But remember: we used to say the same about the Soviets. Our enemies are never as evil as we imagine... and maybe we're never quite as good. :'''General Wade Eiling''': Nuts. Don't tell me the bleeding hearts in Congress got to you. :'''Amanda Waller''': I'd eat them alive. :'''General Wade Eiling''': You would too. You've got some onions, Amanda. :'''Amanda Waller''': Then listen to me. I'm not the League's greatest fan, but their intentions are good. I ''can'' work with them. :'''General Wade Eiling''': What if you're wrong, though? Turns out the metahumans ''aren't'' on the side of the angels? We won't have any way to defend ourselves. Look what happened last year: Superman walked into Cadmus and tossed our best men like a salad. :'''Amanda Waller''': Oh, for heaven's sake. :'''General Wade Eiling''': What's to stop him from doing it again? They're all orbiting us with a space weapon, ''supposedly'' decommissioned. That's a much bigger threat than the Russians ever were. If we'd rolled over like this with the Soviet Union, given up our nukes... :'''Amanda Waller''': We'd all be living under a red flag? :'''General Wade Eiling''': Yes, ma'am, you'd better believe it. After all our work, what did Cadmus accomplish? You get a reprimand, I'm pushing pencils, and the League gets another base here on Earth, that Metro Tower. When one side loses ground and the other side gains, that isn't a truce - it's a surrender! :'''Amanda Waller''': It's a different world, General. Learn to live in it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mister Terrific''': Green Lantern, what's your status? :'''Green Lantern''': This sun's going nova any day now. It's worse than we thought. We'll have to deploy twice as many fusion dampers. :'''Mister Terrific''': You're breaking up. Say again? :'''Green Lantern''': The main point is, this is gonna take a while. :'''Mister Terrific''': Understood. We've got it covered on this end. Check in whenever you can. Watchtower out. Green Arrow, S.T.R.I.P.E., Stargirl, Vigilante and Shining Knight, meet me on the bridge. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Soldier''': ''[in General Eiling's grip]'' Don't kill me! :'''General Wade Eiling''': I wouldn't kill you, soldier. You're just doing your job. And now I'm going to do mine... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Vigilante''': Ha! The exact second the movie's over, we get a mission. Dang if that ain't lucky! :'''[[w:Shining Knight|Shining Knight]]''': I still say this [[w:Clint Eastwood|Clint Eastwood]] dishonored himself when he refused to - what was it? "Play by the rules"? :'''Vigilante''': Partner, your medieval upbringing has done left ya' unschooled in the ways of the movin' picture. :'''Shining Knight''': No, his proper duty is to his police captain. I see why they call him "[[w:Dirty Harry|dirty]]." He besmirches his order. :'''Vigilante''': Sir Justin, if you're gonna be watchin' stuff on my big TV with the 5.1 surround sound, you had best watch what you say about Mr. Clint Eastwood. :'''Mister Terrific''': Half of our resources are in deep space. We're short-handed. :'''S.T.R.I.P.E.''': Right. I'll take a real assignment over Watchtower duty any day. :'''Green Arrow''': So who's left up here with you? The Ray? :'''Mister Terrific''': He's with Vixen, checking out an explosion in the Aleutians. Flash and Supergirl aren't finished in Madagascar. :'''Green Arrow''': You're spreading us a little thin. :'''Mister Terrific''': We go where we're needed, Green Arrow. Did you second guess the Martian like this? :'''Green Arrow''': Sorry, my bad. You're the big-picture guy. :'''Mister Terrific''': I've got it all worked out. There's just this one mission in Metropolis. I need you people to fill in for Superman. :'''Stargirl''': Cool. :'''Rick Wilson''': Welcome back to the Daily Planet and Hubell's Department Stores' 87th Annual Metro Merchants Parade. I'm Rick Wilson. :'''Kaitlin O'Shaughnessy-Ruiz''': And I'm Kaitlin O'Shaughnessy-Ruiz. And who's passing the reviewing stand now but the Veterans Legion honor guard followed by the Madison High School marching band. :'''Rick Wilson''': Yes, and just look who's coming next. An old, dear friend. It's a bird. It's a plane. It's Superman. :'''Kaitlin O'Shaughnessy-Ruiz''': That's right, Rick. Superman is held by officers from the police department's 19th precinct. And next up, more heroes. Some of the brave policemen, firefighters and emergency workers who serve Metropolis every day. :'''Rick Wilson''': And riding with them, well, the actual Superman can't be here today but he sent along some of his Justice League cohorts. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shining Knight''': I'd slay the ogre Blunderbore all over again rather than put myself on display in this manner. Even though that ogre turned out to be- :'''Vigilante, Stargirl, S.T.R.I.P.E. and Green Arrow''': Morgaine le Fey. :'''S.T.R.I.P.E.''': We've all heard it. :'''Shining Knight''': ...'Tis a good story. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Stargirl''': So, what? Since we don't have superpowers it takes five of us to replace one Superman? :'''Police officer''': Excuse me. I just want to thank you Justice League guys for turning out in force. It means a lot to us. :'''Green Arrow''': Hey, we can't thank you enough. You're the real heroes. :'''Shining Knight''': It's you the people come to honor. :'''Stargirl''': Great. Now I'm petty. :'''Green Arrow''': See where it says "Heroes one and all"? That's what it's all about. The crowd doesn't care who can bench press a mountain, or shoot lasers out of their ears. :'''Old lady''': Where's Superman? :'''Man''': How come none of the good ones are here? :'''Kid #2''': I didn't come here to see some stupid cowboy! :'''Man #2''': I don't think vigilantes are good role models, especially ones with guns! :'''Woman''': I came to see Superman! <hr width="50"%/> :[''the now-superpowered General Eiling crashes the Metropolis parade''] :'''General''': General Eiling, sir. What brings you back to Cadmus? :'''General Wade Eiling''': Just came to collect something I left behind. :'''General Wade Eiling''': I want you men posted at the entrance to this wing. Nobody in or out. :'''Henchmann''': Yes, sir. :'''Dr. Anderson''': General, what are you doing? :'''General Wade Eiling''': Hello, Dr. Anderson. I left my reading glasses in the bio vault and can't seem to get back in. :'''Dr. Anderson''': That code was changed six months ago. You're not authorized. :'''General Wade Eiling''': The new code. Now. :'''Dr. Anderson''': General, no. That serum's unstable. :'''General Wade Eiling''': I read the report. :'''Dr. Anderson''': So you know about the horrible disfigurations. The test animals... :'''General Wade Eiling''': Too late now. :'''Dr. Anderson''': Shoot to kill. Now. While you still can. :'''General Wade Eiling''': Where's Superman? :'''Green Arrow''': Busy. Can I help you? :'''General Wade Eiling''': Yeah. Hold this for me! ''[hurls a cart at Green Arrow]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Stargirl''': We're taking this someplace else. Haven't you ever heard of innocent bystanders? :'''General Wade Eiling''': You ever hear of acceptable losses? You can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs. This country is halfway down the toilet because of you super-powered types. :'''Stargirl''': For the record, I don't have powers, pottymouth. It's the staff! :'''General Wade Eiling''': ''[slamming Stargirl into the ground]'' In that case, miss, then you're just another egg. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Vigilante''': You hit 'im high, I'll hit 'im low! :'''Green Arrow''': Whatever! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': You wanted Superman? Now you've got-''[Speedy and Crimson Avenger teleport in]''- The Crimson Avenger and my ex-sidekick. :'''Speedy''': Ex-''partner''. :'''Green Arrow''': Speedy, we gotta do this now? :'''General Wade Eiling''': Oooh, now I'm scared. <hr width="50%"/> :'''General Wade Eiling''': You spoiled, rich little twerp! :'''Green Arrow''': I think he means me. :'''Speedy''': Oh. For a second, I was all mad. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': You still got your quantum arrow? :'''Speedy''': Yeah, but you said... :'''Green Arrow''': This ''is'' an emergency! <hr width="50%"/> :'''General Wade Eiling''': Superman, you coward! All your men are down, and you won't even show your face! :'''Shining Knight''': He cannot hear even your bellowing, monster. As we speak, Superman rescues an entire star system a universe away. Do your worst - I'll not let you harm another. :'''General Wade Eiling''': I do what I do in service to my country. :'''Shining Knight''': Once, at the word of my lord King Arthur, I was ordered to lay waste to an entire village. I knew my king's heart could not be so unjust, so I spared them all. :'''General Wade Eiling''': Then you're a lousy soldier. :''[Eiling punches the Shining Knight in the jaw]'' :'''Shining Knight''': There it is...the creeping moral decay of the past thousand years. :''[Shining Knight swings his sword at General Eiling, who dodges easily]'' :'''Shining Knight''': Arthur ''thanked'' me, oaf! Had I been wrong, I would have handed over my sword and left the court in shame! :''[Eiling slams Shining Knight into the ground]'' :'''General Wade Eiling''': Save yourself a hospital stay and stand down. That magic armor won't help you. :'''Shining Knight''': Have at thee! :''[Shining Knight tries to punch Eiling, but is slammed into the ground again]'' :'''General Wade Eiling''': You're a relic. In this world, power is the only thing that matters. You and those other no-name heroes, you're just people. In the great scheme of things, nothing you do has the least bit of significance. ''[Shining Knight rises again, but Eiling punches him again]'' I'll waste you and a billion like you before you before I allow any power to rival America's. It's my duty. :'''Shining Knight''': You don't know what the word means! :'''General Wade Eiling''': You can't win. :'''Shining Knight''': I'll die as befits a knight, defending the weak. ''[falls to his knees]'' :'''General Wade Eiling''': Why don't you give up? :'''Shining Knight''': Why don't ''you?'' :''[General Eiling kicks Shining Knight, then lifts a car]'' :'''General Wade Eiling''': Superman and your Justice League are a threat to a safe and stable world. :''[He turns to crush Shining Knight, only to find several civilians standing protectively around him]'' :'''Old Woman''': Drop the act! You think killing Superman would make the world safe? Or killing this boy? Or us? Tell me - how many of us do you have to kill to keep us safe? :'''General Wade Eiling''': They're the ones I'm after, not you. I'm not the menace, metahumans are. Superpowered beings. :'''Boy''': ''You're'' the only one around here with superpowers. :''[After a tense silence, Eiling drops the car]'' :'''General Wade Eiling''': All right, I've become what I hate, I'll give you that. But in the long run, you'll see I was right. You'll see you need the likes of me to protect you from them! ''[bounds away across the city's buildings]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shining Knight''': Hold. ''[To old woman]'' I have yet to thank you. :'''Old Woman''': No need to thank me, son. You just get better. World still needs protectin', you know. ===''The Great Brain Robbery'' [3.8]=== :'''Lex Luthor''': Brainiac, you're in there. I can almost feel you. Abasing myself before Grodd, then running this unwieldy super-gang. It's all been worth it if I can just free the only piece of you that remains. :'''Tala''': Lex, don't talk to the rock. :'''Lex Luthor''': Stay out of this, witch. It makes no sense. The smallest scrap of Brainiac should be sufficient to reconstitute him. :'''Tala''': Don't worry, darling. I'm sure it will be... :'''Lex Luthor''': Unless Grodd is somehow preventing it. :'''Grodd''': What do you want, Luthor? :'''Lex Luthor''': How do I unlock the Brainiac code? :'''Grodd''': You're a genius, figure it out. :'''Lex Luthor''': Tell me, you leering, manipulative, knuckle dragger, or I'll... :'''Grodd''': Lex, Lex. You can't expect me to give up my only bargaining chip. What's in it for me? :'''Lex Luthor''': When this is over, I'm going to sell your body for dog meat. :'''Grodd''': It must pain you to see me like this, after what we've been to one another. :'''Tala''': My taste in boyfriends has evolved. Wait, Lex.You're the leader now. You don't need to lock horns with him. :'''Lex Luthor''': The only thing that matters now is a speck of information locked somewhere deep inside Grodd's thick skull. :'''Tala''': Yes, okay. So we break his head open and take it. :'''Doctor Polaris''': We don't think you've got what it takes to run the show. You've been acting unbalanced, holed up in that lab, talking to yourself. :'''Sinestro:''' After Grodd tried to turn the world into apes, you can imagine how seriously we take something like that. What are you going to do, make everybody bald? :'''Doctor Polaris''': Maybe it's time for younger, smarter, more aggressive leadership. :'''Lex Luthor''': Really? :'''Doctor Polaris''': Yeah. Why should any of us follow you? :'''Lex Luthor''': Because I'll show you how to make more money in one day than you've made in your entire lives. :'''Green Lantern''': Look, we know Grodd's running some kind of organized group. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash''': Just be careful with my head — it's where I keep all my one-liners. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex-in-Flash''': Beam me out of here, or I'm going to vibrate these fingers and scramble your brains. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash-in-Lex''': ''[looks in a mirror]'' Aaah, that is just wrong! <hr width=50%"/> :''[The Flash (in Lex Luthor's body) walks out of a bathroom stall.]'' :'''[[w:Doctor Polaris|Doctor Polaris]]''': Ahem. :'''Flash-in-Lex''': What? :'''Doctor Polaris''': Are you gonna wash your hands? :'''Flash-in-Lex''': No! 'Cause I'm ''evil!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash-in-Lex''': My fellow bad guys, I, Lex Luthor, your leader, will speak now about my, Lex Luthor's plan. My... villainous, villainous plan. Question the plan at your peril. Uh... Any questions? :'''Angle Man''': We all get a cut, right? :'''Flash-in-Lex''': Watch your step, my evil minion. You presume too much! One of these days, you'll go too far. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Bizarro|Bizarro]]''': ''[Raises his hand]'' Me got answer. :'''Flash-in-Lex''': Ah, excellent. Do enlighten us. :'''Bizarro''': Ever since you plug into monkey's head, you act perfectly sane and rational. Am you Bizarro mommy? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Lex-as-Flash hides in a bathroom in the Watchtower to escape the pursuing League members]'' :'''Luthor-in-Flash''': ''[Panting]'' Lex, you're having a difficult day. ''[Lex looks in the mirror]'' Hmm... If nothing else, I can at least learn the Flash's secret identity. ''[Unmasks and looks in the mirror, then frowns]'' I have no idea who this is. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Tala (comics)|Tala]]''': Just rest in here. :''[pulls "Lex" into a closet]'' :'''Flash-in-Lex''': Hey - that's not restful. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash-in-Lex''': Me, the Flash? You've, like, totally lost it, Grodd. I'm Lex Luthor! :'''Grodd''': And I'm [[w:Charlton Heston|Charlton Heston]]. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grodd''': Ah, Tala, my old groupie. I so miss bending you to my will. :'''Tala''': Go eat a banana. Lex is my man now. ''[Leaves with Lex]'' :'''Grodd''': If you say so. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash-in-Lex''': You, [[w:Evil Star|evil-head guy]]! What's your part in this plan? :'''Evil Star:''' I'm not in the plan. :'''Flash-in-Lex''': ''[pause]'' Exactly! Pop quiz! Everyone tell me his or her part in the plan. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash-in-Lex''': Lex Luthor is pleased. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex-in-Flash''': Attention! The man you think is Luthor is actually a Justice Leaguer disguised as me. Repeat: he is not Luthor. :'''Flash-in-Lex''': ...I, Lex Luthor, find that preposterous. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mr. Terrific''': Dr. Fate, your patient just anesthetized himself. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash''': Guys! I was starting to think I was going to go out as the bottom of a supervillain dog pile! :'''Green Lantern''': It ''sounds'' like Wally, but is there any way to be sure? :'''Flash''': You want proof? Until he went off into the Marines, GL's nickname was- :'''Green Lantern''': Stop! It's him. Man, you promised never to repeat that story! :'''Flash''': I know, I was just messing with your head. :'''[[w:Mister Terrific (comics)|Mister Terrific]]''': Well, can you tell us anything about Grodd's Secret Society? Where's the headquarters? :'''Flash''': I don't know. [[w:Legion of Doom (comics)|In a swamp?]] <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tala''': Lex? Is that really you? :'''Lex Luthor''': Of course it's me, you twit. :'''Tala''': ''[Disappointed]'' Ooh. ===''Grudge Match'' [3.9]=== :'''Roulette''': Lex, darling. I'm having some serious financial problems, and I'm afraid you're to blame. :'''Lex Luthor''': Well, don't look at me to bail you out, Roulette. I'm the one who skims you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Roulette''': You're playing with fire, witch! :'''Tala''': Who's playing? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Roulette''': The new Meta-Brawl! All girl fights, all the time! We'll call it "The Glamor Slam" or "The Belles of the Brawl"! :'''Sonar''': "Chickapalooza"! <hr width="50%"/> :[''Huntress is watching Black Canary while talking on a cell phone with The Question, who is searching a cold storage area]'' :'''Huntress''': I'm telling you Q, Canary's totally off her game. Think she's moonlighting? Maybe she's stepping out on Green Arrow... :'''The Question''': The deeper mystery here is why do you even ''care?'' Isn't this the woman who beat the snot out of you a few months back? :'''Huntress''': She got a lucky shot in! Okay, five or six lucky shots. Anyway, that's not the poin- :'''The Question''': ''[takes the lid off of a container]'' Aha! As I suspected - [[w: Baskin-Robbins|thirty-''two'' flavors]]. :'''Huntress''': There's something wrong here, Q, I can feel it. :'''The Question''': ''I'm'' the conspiracy theorist, and even ''I'' don't see anything. :'''Huntress''': ''[pauses; sighs]'' So... what are you wearing? :'''The Question''': Blue overcoat. [[w:Fedora (hat)|Fedora]]. :'''Huntress''': ''[scoffs]'' You really stink at this. :'''The Question''': ...Orange socks? :''[Huntress hangs up]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Huntress''': You sure you're okay? :'''Black Canary''': Worried? :'''Huntress''': Curious. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Roulette''': Let the pain begin! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Huntress''': They've had you up every night working the arena. No wonder you've been fighting like a girl. ''[pause]'' You know what I mean. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Roulette''': Of course, you two aren't under my control any longer, which means I'm going to have to eliminate you. In the ring, of course. Why just shoot you when I can sell tickets and lay odds? :'''Huntress''': You're scum. :'''Roulette''': No, no, my dear. I'm an entrepreneur. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Roulette''': Huntress and Black Canary versus two new contenders! Vixen, the beauty with the beast powers, and the Thanagar thrasher... Hawkgirl! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Vixen''': I don't want to hurt you, Shayera. :'''Shayera Hol''': But I wanna hurt you! :'''Vixen''': Just when we were starting to get along. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Huntress''': Looks like we're in this together. :'''Black Canary''': If you call me "girlfriend", I'm gonna dropkick you into the next county. :'''Huntress''': Now, don't go all sentimental on me. <hr width="50%"/> :[''Vixen pulls the League communicator out of Shayera's ear, freeing her from Roulette's mind control]'' :'''Shayera Hol''': I don't think I want to know... :'''Vixen''': We're in a cage match fighting to the death! :'''Shayera Hol''': Yeah, see? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Roulette''': Yes, that's really Wonder Woman, ladies and gentlemen! It is on! Can even these four beautiful bruisers stand up to the Amazon powerhouse herself? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Vixen''': Anybody got a plan? :'''Shayera Hol''': Yeah, try to stay alive. :'''Huntress''': Anybody got a good plan? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sonar''': In another thirty seconds your brains will be so scrambled I'll be able to serve 'em up with bacon. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Huntress''': Do I kill the signal or you? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Black Canary''': You know, if you want, I can talk to the League and get you back in. :'''Huntress''': Nah, I do fine on my own. :''[silence]'' :'''Black Canary''': Thank you, Helena. If you hadn't... :'''Huntress''': You would have done the same. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Huntress''': You know, I was totally whipping your butt back when they caught us. :'''Black Canary''': Pff. In your dreams! :'''Huntress''': Like I'd waste my dreams on you... ===''Far From Home'' [3.10]=== :'''Bouncing Boy''': This stinks, Brainy. I hate running from a fight. :'''Brainiac 5''': They'll never look for us here. That gives us a chance to counterattack. :'''Bouncing Boy''': Attack how? There's only the two of us left. :'''Brainiac 5''': Yes, I've been giving that problem some thought. :'''[[w:Bouncing Boy|Bouncing Boy]]''': Oh, no. I know [[w:Brainiac 5|you]]'re a level 12 mega-genius, but you are seriously out of your mind. :'''Brainiac 5''': There's no other option. All of our teammates have been captured. To save them, we'll have to break the laws of time and recruit heroes from the past. :'''Bouncing Boy''': But messing with history? That's risky, even for us. :'''Brainiac 5''': Incomplete records from the 21st century show that three members of the legendary Justice League once came to the future. My research indicates now is that time. :'''Bouncing Boy''': I did my homework too, Brainy. The histories say three heroes came to the future. :'''Brainiac 5''': But only two of them ever made it home. :'''Green Lantern''': You ready, Supergirl? :'''Supergirl''': Dude, I was born ready. That tickles. I'll take that, thanks. Whoa! So Queen Bee and Doctor Cyber? Not much of a workout. :'''Green Lantern''': Hear that, Ollie? Kara thinks it's too easy. :'''Green Arrow''': Well, we wouldn't want her to get bored. :'''Supergirl''': Aah! I hate you. Ha! :'''Green Arrow''': Some kid, huh? Today's her 21st birthday, but she'd rather be here practicing than go out with me and Dinah. :'''Superman''': Good for her. :'''Green Arrow''': Hey, at least we wanted to spend some time with her. You ever think about how she must feel? She's always an outsider. :'''Superman''': I know a little bit about that myself, Ollie. :'''Green Arrow''': Just a little. You came to Earth as a baby, grew up here. Kara spent most of her life on a planet with technology hundreds of years ahead of ours. She's gotta feel like she's trapped in the Stone Age. :'''Superman''': I've tried to make her feel at home. :'''Green Arrow''': How? Seems to me you treat her just like another cape. :'''Superman''': I was never happy about Kara going into the family business, but now that she's decided it's what she wants to do, I've tried to step back and let her develop into her own person. I didn't want her living in the shadow of being Superman's cousin. :'''Green Arrow''': This may shock you, but she's proud to be your cousin. She even changed her costume to look more like yours. :'''Superman''': Yes, and I'm very proud. But don't tell her. :'''Green Arrow''': No, that's a job for Superman. :'''Supergirl''': Well? :'''Green Lantern''': Well what? :'''Supergirl''': Aren't you gonna give me notes about all the stuff I screwed up? :'''Green Lantern''': No notes, Kara. I've got nothing left to teach you. :'''Green Arrow''': Not bad, kiddo. You set a new record for this simulation. :'''Superman''': Kara. :'''Brainiac 5''': I'm certain that this must be disorienting for you. My name is... :'''Supergirl''': ''[angrily]'' Brainiac! :'''Brainiac 5''': ''[oblivious]'' That's right, how did you... ''[realizes]'' Uh-oh! :''[Supergirl attacks him]'' :'''Brainiac 5''': Please, calm down. I'm not going to hurt you. :'''Green Arrow''': Whoa, sparky. Let's hear what he has to say. :'''[[w:Brainiac 5|Brainiac 5]]''': Thank you. Yes, I am a Brainiac, but I'm not a machine. I'm organic. The universe-conquering Brainiac you knew is my distant ancestor. Over time he learned to pass down his code biologically. I am Brainiac 5. Think of me as the black sheep of my family, dedicated to doing good to make up for my ancestor's legacy of evil. :'''Green Lantern''': And you demonstrated that by kidnapping us? :'''Bouncing Boy''': We'd have never done it if the situation wasn't so dire. :'''Green Arrow''': Where are we, anyway? :'''Brainiac 5''': Approximately 1000 years into your future, in what you'd call the 31st century. :'''Green Lantern''': Time travel, swell. :'''Bouncing Boy''': It's a real thrill for me to meet you, sir. You're the famous John Stewart, father of... :'''Green Lantern''': You wanna shut up before you create a time paradox? :'''Bouncing Boy''': Sorry. Chuck Taine. Code name: Bouncing Boy. :'''Supergirl''': Why did you bring us here? :'''Brainiac 5''': We're part of a group called the Legion of Super Heroes, a galaxy-spanning force not unlike your Justice League. A team of criminals called the Fatal Five attacked our new headquarters, captured all our teammates. :'''Bouncing Boy''': They must have something big planned to risk taking on the legion. But we can't figure what it is. :'''Brainiac 5''': We needed help, so we sent the Time Bubble to bring back some of Earth's greatest heroes. :'''Supergirl''': But why us? :'''Brainiac 5''': It... it was random, we'd have taken anyone. :'''Green Lantern''': Okay, so how can we help? :'''Supergirl''': Whoa, time out. Just because he's seriously cute, doesn't mean we can trust a Brainiac! :'''Green Arrow''': I'm not getting a bad vibe off the kid. :'''Green Lantern''': ''[to Supergirl]'' And apparently neither are you. "Seriously cute", huh? :'''Bouncing Boy''': The date we pulled her from is exactly when Supergirl vanished from the historical records. Brainy, she's going to die. We have to tell her. :'''Brainiac 5''': No. Telling her could change history. Keep quiet, Chuck. That's an order. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bouncing Boy''': You know, Brainiac, being organic and having a heart - not the same thing. :'''Green Lantern''': We're in. What's next? :'''Brainiac 5''': The lab's this way. The tech is out of date, but we should find enough-- :'''[[w:Emerald Empress|Emerald Empress]]''': A Green Lantern! That's a rare sight in this galaxy these days. :'''[[w:Persuader_(comics)|Persuader]]''': Take a good look! He won't be here long. :'''Supergirl''': ''[Fighting the Fatal Five]'' So what's your power? Super-strength? Speed? :'''Brainiac 5''': I have a 12th level intellect-- :'''Supergirl''': Great, you can knock'em out with your diploma. :'''Brainiac 5''': ''[caught by Supergirl]'' That was unnecessary. My belt protects me from any impact. :'''Supergirl''': Maybe I was just trying to cop a feel. :'''Persuader''': Empress. :'''Emerald Princess''': You'll find the Emerald Eye of Ekron more than a match for your ring. :'''Persuader''': On your feet. :'''Supergirl''': Ohh. What? :'''Brainiac 5''': You've got to free the others. Aah! :'''Emerald Princess''': Forget them. We have the Green Lantern. Let's go. :'''Green Arrow''': What's goin' on? Can you track 'em with those things? :'''Brainiac 5''': Not yet, but I've identified the technology. They're psion receptors. :'''Supergirl''': Hey, that soda machine in the lobby still works. :'''Brainiac 5''': Oh, thanks. :'''Supergirl''': Back on Argo, we used psionic technology for our remote controls. When we lost one, you just had to think at it, and it'd beep. Don't know why we bothered. They were always in the couch cushions. :'''Brainiac 5''': Good idea, but it won't work. The Fatal Five are masking the carrier wave somehow. :'''Supergirl''': ''[To Brainiac 5]'' So, I have to know. Why'd you save me first? :'''Brainiac 5''': My decision was based on pure logic. :'''Green Arrow''': Really? Because Green Lantern's the most powerful. :'''Brainiac 5''': No offense, but I don't think you can follow the reasoning of a 12th-level intellect such as my own. :'''Green Arrow''': Guess not. Hey, Kara, wanna get me one of those drinks? :'''Supergirl''': Oh, sure. :'''Green Arrow''': ''[to Brainiac 5 about Kara]'' Admit it, genius. You're in love with her. :'''Brainiac 5''': Ludicrous, we just met. Moreover, as a Coluan, I'm ruled by intellect, not emotion. :'''Green Arrow''': So in love with her. :'''Brainiac 5''': ''[stops to analyze himself]'' Increased sweat-gland production. Shortness of breath, inability to concentrate. I thought it was guilt, but I am in love. How did you know? :'''Green Arrow''': Just call me Cupid, junior. I never miss. ''[Kara comes in]'' I'm gonna raid this dump, see if I can upgrade my arrows with some future tech. I'll be gone for a long time, so you two are stuck with each other. Alone. For a long time. :'''Tharok''': You had the superior weapons and the advantage of surprise. Explain to me how you failed to capture Brainiac 5. :'''Emerald Princess''': Watch your tone, half-a-man. I'd hardly call capturing a Green Lantern a failure. He's more powerful than a dozen Brainiacs. :'''Tharok''': Perhaps, but that was never part of the plan. :'''Emerald Princess''': You have to learn to improvise, Tharok. We're better armed than ever to strike against the United Planets. After that, the universe will be ours for the taking. :'''Supergirl''': What's that? :'''Brainiac 5''': A legion flight ring. All of us have one. :'''Supergirl''': So does this mean we're going steady? :'''Brainiac 5''': Uh... :'''Supergirl''': Trust me, 1000 years ago, that joke was hilarious. :'''Brainiac 5''': I thought since I couldn't trace the control disk, maybe I could trace the missing Legionnaires' rings. But it was another dead end. :'''Supergirl''': It's a shame our Justice League comm-links don't work here. We could track Green Lantern by his transponder. Come to think of it, we still could if we had a... :'''Brainiac 5 and Supergirl''': Quantum-tunneling RF transponder. :'''Brainiac 5''': Hold that thought. :'''Green Arrow''': Yeah, this looks like it could do some damage. :'''Supergirl''': Get up here. Brainiac's found GL. :'''Brainiac 5''': His signal's coming from this ship. They're headed towards the capital of the United Planets. The Fatal Five's tried to destroy it before. :'''Green Arrow''': And now with GL and the entire legion under their control, they just might succeed. :'''Brainiac 5''': The good news is my personal cruiser runs rings around their ship. We could still beat them there. :'''Supergirl''': Then what? :'''Green Arrow''': We improvise. :'''Supergirl''': Nice ship. :'''Brainiac 5''': It's strictly no-frills, but it's fast. What do you pilot back home? :'''Supergirl''': Usually just a pickup. :'''Brainiac 5''': "A pickup"? Is that a type of star cruiser? :'''Supergirl''': ''[About the Legion Flight ring]'' What's that? :'''Brainiac 5''': The Legion Flight ring, all of us have one. ''[Hands the ring to Supergirl]'' :'''Supergirl''': So does this mean we're going steady? :'''Brainiac 5''': Eeerrr-- :'''Supergirl''': Trust me, a thousand years ago, that joke was hilarious. :'''Supergirl''': Nice ship! :'''Brainiac 5''': It's strictly no frills, but it's fast. What do you pilot back home? :'''Supergirl''': Usually just a pickup. :'''Brainiac 5''': A pickup — is that a type of Starcruiser? :'''Green Arrow''': Yes. Yes it is. :'''Brainiac 5''': We're going into orbit. :'''Supergirl''': And we've got company. You guys get aboard that mothership and shut down the control devices. :'''Green Arrow''': What are you gonna do? :'''Supergirl''': Hold off John and the legion until you snap them back to normal. :'''Brainiac 5''': You won't stand a chance against them. :'''Supergirl''': Maybe, but I'm the only one who does stand a chance of protecting the capital. :'''Brainiac 5''': You can't go because I lo-- Because I lied to you. Kara, I don't even know you, but-- history says you never returned from this battle. :'''Supergirl''': What? :'''Green Arrow''': And you knew that all along? :'''Brainiac 5''': I'm sorry. I had hoped it wouldn't come to this. I wanted to spare her. :'''Supergirl''': There's still a planet full of people down there who need our help. Do your job, and I'm gonna do mine. :'''Brainiac 5''': But-- ''[Supergirl kisses him]'' :'''Supergirl''': In case I don't see you again. :'''Green Arrow''': Hey, genius? Hi. How about puttin' that big brain of yours to work on a plan to get us aboard the mothership? :'''Brainiac 5''': I'll get us in. :'''Green Arrow''': I love the direct approach. :'''Brainiac 5''': The rest of the mission won't be so easy. Let's move. :'''Supergirl''': You can do this, Kara. No biggie, just another practice mission. Ha! Aah! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Breaking into the Fatal Five's HQ]'' :'''Brainiac 5''': Shoot. :'''Green Arrow''': I know. I was hoping they'd be out looking for us. :'''Brainiac 5''': No, shoot! ''[Green Arrow shoots an arrow at the Fatal Five catches Brainiac 5 in mid-air]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': Shoot. I know. I was hoping they'd be out looking for us. :'''Brainiac 5''': No. shoot. :'''Emerald Princess''': Obliterate them. :'''Green Arrow''': Okay, big guy, that's as far as you go. :'''Tharok''': You can't stop Validus with that toy. :'''Green Arrow''': Rusty, I got him right where I want him. :'''Tharok''': No! :'''Supergirl''': John, stop! Fight it. :'''Green Lantern''': Kara. I knew what I was doing, but I couldn't stop. :'''Phantom Girl''': Where are we? :'''Bouncing Boy''': Last thing I remember was... Oh, no. :'''Green Arrow''': Just so you know, the sharp part's on the other end, chief. :'''Persuader''': Believe me, that's coming. :'''Brainiac 5''': Aah! :'''Emerald Princess''': Tear him to bits. Slowly. :'''Phantom Girl''': We wanted to say thanks by making you honorary legionnaires. :'''Green Lantern''': It's very nice, but I already have a ring. :'''Bouncing Boy''': Don't worry about it, GL. You can't keep it anyway. If you took it home, the future technology could pollute the time stream. :'''Supergirl''': I'm keeping mine. I'm not going back. Kara? History says Supergirl never returned from this mission because she decided to stay in the future. :'''Superman''': Whatever abducted them didn't leave any energy signature. Maybe Dr. Fate or Zatanna? Where's Kara? :'''Green Lantern''': She asked us to give you this. :'''Supergirl''': Tell Ma and Pa I love them. And I love you too, Clark. Don't take this the wrong way, but I've found a place where I can make a difference. Where I'm more than just Superman's kid cousin. I... I feel I belong here. Also, I met this boy. :'''Green Arrow''': You should have seen her. She was amazing. :'''Green Lantern''': She's a grown woman now, capable of choosing-- :'''Superman''': Kara's headstrong, but she's always made good decisions. I trust her judgment. But you were right, Ollie. I wish I had told her. :'''Green Arrow''': It's okay, Clark. She knows. :'''Superman''': Now, this boy Kara likes so much, does he have a name? :''[nervous looks from Green Lantern and Green Arrow]'' ===''Ancient History'' [3.11]=== :'''[[w:Gentleman Ghost|Gentleman Ghost]]''': I like it. Very imaginative. But your ring is useless against me, Lantern. :'''Green Lantern''': Then why are you running from it? :''[Gentleman Ghost groans]'' :'''Gentleman Ghost''': Mind the ion drive. That's delicate equipment. :''[Green Lantern grunts]'' :'''Green Lantern''': Right, I took you lightly. I won't make that mistake again. :'''Gentleman Ghost''': I think you might. :''[Green Lantern screaming]'' :''[Green Lantern groans]'' :'''Gentleman Ghost''': If I were to give you another chance, I mean. :''[Gentleman Ghost grunting]'' :'''Hawkman''': He's all yours, GL. The Nth metal in this net-- :'''Green Lantern''': Has properties that interfere with dimensional shifting. I know. :'''Gentleman Ghost''': Next time, Green Lantern, I'll do you proper. :'''Green Lantern''': Quiet down in there. :''[Gentleman Ghost grunting]'' :''[Gentleman Ghost groans]'' :'''Hawkman''': I fought our Gentleman Ghost before. These intangible types can be tricky. :'''Green Lantern''': Uh-huh. :'''Hawkman''': But he didn't stand a chance against the two of us. :'''Green Lantern''': Look, Hawkman, I appreciate the help. Let's leave it at that. :'''Hawkman''': Well, give Shayera my regards. :''[Shayera Hol grunting]'' :'''Vixen''': You might wanna ease up a bit there. Most guys don't really go for the ripped, bulky look. :'''Shayera Hol''': Just trying to maintain my girlish figure. My girlish, girlish figure. And why does it always have to be about the guys, anyway? :'''Vixen''': Honey, it's always about the guys. And since I'll be away on that photo shoot for a week-- :'''Shayera Hol''': Here we go. :'''Vixen''': Well, I’m surprised you haven’t made your move before now. :'''Shayera Hol''': I'm still trying to figure out the right Earth protocol for this situation. It's not like I can assassinate you in your sleep, or poison your water... I miss Thanagar. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Shadow Thief|Shadow Thief]]''': For decades their ever-growing empire was a utopia. But nothing lasts forever. At least, nothing good. <hr width="50%"/> :''[after Ashari cuts a flower off of a tree with a knife]'' :'''Chay-Ara''': You didn't have to do that. I can fly. :'''Bashari''': When we're together, so can I. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hawkman''': You always were good with that thing. :'''Shayera Hol''': Just hit him! :'''Hawkman''': Right! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': Don't say you don't love me. :'''Green Lantern''': I'll never say that. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': Tell me about my son. ===''Alive!'' [3.12]=== :''[At the Legion of Doom's base, Lex Luthor is attempting to reactivate the sole piece of Brainiac. Tala enters approaches him as the computer room is overloading] :'''Tala''': Lex! Stop it! You'll blow us all to pieces! :'''Lex Luthor''': Not now, Woman! Something's happening... It's... [but the stone's energy overloads and destroys the machine, failing to recreated Brainiac] it's... just one more steaming flop! ''[screams in anger and wrecks the control panels with his hands]'' :'''Tala''': Baby... :'''Lex Luthor''': Nothing works! ''[continues wrecking the tools]'' :'''Tala''': Lex, forget bringing back Brainiac. :'''Lex Luthor''': I don't need input from some crystal-gazing parasite! One who's confused a winch's grip on power with the real thing! :'''Tala''': ''[takes the stone]'' This is the real trouble-maker for us. It's pure wild goose chase. Look, I will prove it. I will show you what is in there. :'''Lex Luthor''': Don't be stupid. ''[takes the stone]'' This is science. What good is your sorcery? Unless you plan to turn stone into gold? Or maybe a frog? :'''Tala''': Such ignorance. Transmutation is what you want to do! :'''Lex Luthor''': Transmutation is...''[pauses]'' what are you waiting for? Do it! ''[hands the stone to her]'' :'''Tala''': Okay! :'''Lex Luthor''': Okay! :'''Tala''': ''[performing her Transmutation Sorcery]'' By the slaughter of the innocent, by pestilence and plague, reveal the hidden unto me. ''[she uses her powers to view the stone's origins. She finds nothing]'' There, you see? Just a rock. A worthless piece of... ''[she sees something from it]'' oh. :'''Lex Luthor''': What? :'''Tala''': It's not important. :'''Lex Luthor''': Show me! :''[she uses her magic to give Luthor a vision of the past, when the Brainiac Asteroid was destroyed]'' :'''Brainiac Computer Voice''': Critical system failure in three seconds. Two seconds. One second. ''[the asteroid explodes. Tala, almost unable to keep up with the image, screams as the vision nearly fades]'' :'''Lex Luthor''': No! Keep the image! ''[Tala struggles until Luthor sees enough]'' There is still Brainiac in the universe. :'''Tala''': There is no way to tell where it happened. :'''Lex Luthor''': Wrong. I saw enough of those stars to determine the explosion's coordinates. It should be a simple matter. :'''Tala''': You saw the wild goose again. Concentrate on us, baby. Space is too far. Together, we can rule this world. ''[Luthor pushes her aside]'' Oh! :'''Lex Luthor''': If you like this world so much, keep your fool mouth shut. Then maybe I'll let you keep it. Me? I'm going to be a god again. ''[sometime later, the Society members make changes in their headquarters]'' Speed it up! Sinestro, don't forget the floor. I want radiation shielding from every direction. Rampage... ''[interrupted when Bizarro has trouble with his work]'' ''[annoyed]'' Help Bizarro. ''[to Weather Wizard]'' Don't distort the metal, moron! :'''Weather Wizard''': I don't even know why we're doing this. :''[Luthor pins him next to the hot molten metal in the wall]'' :'''Lex Luthor''': Killer Frost, if Weather Wizard here doesn't shape up, I'm holding you accountable. :'''Killer Frost''': Whatever. :'''Lex Luthor''': Structural integrity is crucial. :'''Killer Frost''': Okay, got it. Jeez. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grodd''': Why is my headquarters moving? Hey, What's going on?! ''[no answer]'' I demand to know what's going on! :'''Tala''': Quiet, Grodd! :'''Grodd''': You! Come to gloat at me again? I'm not some monkey in a zoo, throwing- :'''Tala''': ''[Shushes him]'' Listen, I've been very, ''very'' bad. I picked the wrong pony. It should have been you. :'''Grodd''': Ooh, you've finally sussed it out. That hairless sweetheart of yours isn't a leader. He's a thug. :'''Tala''': And how! I don't like to compete for Lex with a dead computer. I want you to be the man in charge, like before. So, baby, ''[strokes him seductively]'' what do ''you'' want? :'''Grodd''': Why, only you, my dear. And Luthor's fat head on a plate! ''[Tala smiles]'' :''[the Society members are in their working places as Toyman is navigating]'' :'''Atomic Skull''': That's one Mother of a laser show. :'''Lex Luthor''': Toyman? :'''Toyman''': We should be reaching the Brainiac Remnants soon. By the way, thank you for making me your navigator, Luthor. I've aways loved learning a new controller. :'''Lex Luthor''': Just keep us on course. The slightest error and we're dead. :''[suddenly, Grodd breaks through with a laser cannon]'' :'''Grodd''': I wouldn't worry about it, neanderthal. The way I see it, You're dead either way. ''[Approaches Luthor along with the villains who follow him]'' I'd like to complete this transaction with as little blood shed as possible, Lex. Now, put your hands up and have Toyman turn us around. :''Tala'': Don't look at him, big boy. Grodd is leader. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Giganta grabs Grodd]'' :'''Grodd''': Giganta, you're out of jail! How's your head? :'''Giganta''': Pretty good, considering you tried to '''''fry my brain'''''! ''[begins to squeeze Grodd]'' :'''Tala''': Don't get grabby, Thunderthighs! Grodd is ''mine'' now! ''[Blasts Giganta]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Killer Frost''': ''[Prepares to freeze Toyman]'' One creep-cicle coming up! ''[Toyman headbutts her and runs away]'' You are ''so'' annoying! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tala''': Trapped like a rat. It's very weird. You have never had so much fun when we were together. [''Tala fires a magic spell at Luthor, but it bounces back and knocks her unconscious. He pulls an amulet from under his shirt''] :'''Lex Luthor''': You wouldn't ''believe'' what this cost me. :''[scene shifts to Toyman, who is walking the stair with a deadly Yo-Yo in his hand as Killer Frost approaches him surfing in a ice wave]'' :'''Toyman''': Around the world... [''wipes Frost's ice construct with his Yo-yo, knocking her in the ground''] Rock the crater... ''[Frost creates an ice wall to protect herself, but Toyman uses his yo-yo to break it through and knock her unconscious]'' Sleeper. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grodd''': Give up, Lex! You're only delaying the inevitable. :'''Lex Luthor''': You're right. :'''Grodd''': ''[shoots a blast of his gun at Luthor, who deflects with his gloves]'' If it's all the same to you, I'd rather snap your neck with my bare hands. ''[Luthor tries to attack him, but Grodd counters and singlehandedly beats him up again and again]'' You know, this mutiny was easy. The Secret Society hates you. :'''Lex Luthor''': Like they ''love'' you! ''[runs towards Grodd, who knocks him away with a kick]'' Idiotic simian. Half-baked objectivist. :'''Grodd''': ''[grabs Luthor]'' You're ill-equipped to lead, Lex. :'''Lex Luthor''': ''[choking]'' A lower primate masquerading as an intellectual. :'''Grodd''': I'm the more accomplished, both physically and mentally. ''[uses telepathy on Luthor, who overrides it with his power-belt and puts Grodd under his control]'' :'''Lex Luthor''': Took you long enough. I was beginning to think I'd figured you wrong. Now bow down to me. ''[Grodd struggles not to, but does so]'' Who is master here? :'''Grodd''': ''[weakly]'' You... are... :'''Lex Luthor''': Get up. ''[Grodd obeys]'' Take six steps forward. ''[Grodd does so and opens the door in front of him]'' Get in. ''[Grodd does so again and Luthor closes the door and deactivates his power-belt]'' :'''Grodd''': ''[trying to break through the door in anger]'' I should have let you rot in jail! :'''Lex Luthor''': Goodbye, Grodd. It could have gone the other way. :'''Grodd''': It really could have, couldn't it? :'''Lex Luthor''': No... But why speak ill of the dead? ''[punches a button and opens airlock]'' :'''Grodd''': You twisted little pink rat-hole of a hominid, I'm not done with you! I'll get out of this, and when I do...! :''[Grodd is sucked out of his headquarters to his death]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Lex Luthor's team has beaten Grodd's rebels]'' :'''Lex Luthor''': Can ''any'' of you give me one good reason to let you live? ''[Killer Frost steps forward from the rebels, then freezes her comrades without a word]'' Killer Frost... you've got a future. Get rid of the rest. :'''Killer Frost''': You got it. :'''Toyman''': We're here. :''[the headquarters reaches Brainiac's coordinates]'' :'''Tala''': ''[To Luthor]'' Darling, Grodd must have used mind-control!... Okay, maybe not. But baby, you don't ever doubt that I love you, correct? I-, I-, I know I did something bad, I'm a sick person. You don't know what it's like to be me. :'''Lex Luthor''': Don't be afraid, darling. You still have a big role in my plan. In fact... I can't do this without you. ''[Volcana knocks Tala out, then, she wakes up being used as a mystical conduit to reassemble Brainiac.]'' I used to think magic was unknowable, unpredictable, and not to be trusted. You've taught me so much, Tala. Even my wealth of scientific knowledge would never have been up to this task. You will be the mystic conduit that will siphon Brainiac's essence from the debris. I'll be able to reconstitute him from that energy. But I doubt you'll see it. :'''Tala''': You planned this all along! Even before I-- :'''Lex Luthor''': I'm a sick person too. :'''Toyman''': Luthor, the collection panels are in place. :'''Tala''': ''[panicked]'' Lex! Please! I beg you! :'''Lex Luthor''': Hold that thought. ''[to Toyman]'' Do it. ''[Toyman is about to obey, but time stops]'' I said do it! :'''[[w:Metron (character)|Metron]]''': ''[appearing behind Luthor]'' He cannot hear you, Lex Luthor. Time has stopped. We exist between two ticks of the clock. In my travels through the myriad paths of infinity, I have seen the first and the last. But what you do today threatens the entire universe. Past, Present and Future. :'''Lex Luthor''': I should hope it does. Look, I didn't catch the name. :'''Metron''': Metron. Scientist and chronicler. :'''Lex Luthor''': Well, Metron, I'll soon be ready for anything the universe can throw at me. I'm about to become a god. :'''Metron''': You don't know what a god is. Or what you are unleashing. :'''Lex Luthor''': "Tampering with forces beyond my ken", and so forth? Nice try. Look, if you want my power, make your move, otherwise you can get lost. :'''Metron''': You will regret your decision. We all will. ''[Metron disappears as time turns back to normal]'' :'''Toyman''': Twinkle, twinkle, [[w:Brainiac (comics)|Brainiac]], Tala's gonna bring you back! ''[activates the machine]'' :'''Tala''': ''[last words]'' Lex! Lex! Lex! :'''Lex Luthor''': Brainiac! I'm coming! ''[the machine drains Tala's energy until it creates a mysterious figure which appears with the smoke]'' People, meet your new lord and master! :''[He becomes shocked as, instead of Brainiac, the figure is revealed to be [[Darkseid]], who is now fused with Brainiac and given a new look]'' :'''Darkseid''': It seems I have you to thank for my resurrection. Though your world will suffer slowly, I grant you a quick death. :''[Darkseid uses his power to destroy the base. Scene shifts to Apokolips, where factions of the Apokoliptans are having a civil war]'' :'''Stick''': That rodent, Vundabar, thinks he can rule Apokolips in Darkseid's stead. We'll be the ones who deliver his pestilent corpse to Granny Goodness. ''[the two sides begin the battle, but before they can, Darkseid emerges and all bow to him]'' Welcome home, oh, mighty Darkseid. :'''Darkseid''': Arise, my children. Let this meaningless battle for control end today. :'''Sting''': Of course, my Lord. We had thought ourselves bereft forever. :'''Darkseid''': Only the slimmest of chances has allowed me to overcome my death at the hands of Superman. But let the universe howl in despair, for I have returned! ''[The Apokoliptan armies cheer triumphantly]'' :'''Stick''': What is your will, my lord? :'''Darkseid''': As ever, to search for the Anti-Life Equation, that I might bring order to this aimless universe. But first, Superman must suffer for killing me. His adopted world will die screaming. Only then will I seek the ultimate end. :'''Kanto''': Forgive me, lord, but to attack Earth would violate your pact with Highfather. New Genesis would doubtless retaliate. :'''Darkseid''': ''[smiles]'' Where do you think I'm going next? :''[scene shifts to the Watchtower as a Watchtower employee runs desperately into the room where Superman and the League are]'' :'''Employee''': Superman! You better get outside quick! :''[The League goes outside and confronts Luthor and the remaining members of the Legion of Doom]'' :'''Lex Luthor''': We have a little problem... ===''Destroyer'' [3.13]=== :'''Superman''': Let's say, just for the sake of argument, that I believe a single word of your story. How did you survive the explosion? :'''Lex Luthor''': By the skin of my teeth. But stranded more than a power ring's charge from home, we found ourselves dependent on the kindness of strangers. A resident of the nearby planet, New Genesis, drawn by our ship's explosion, offered his help. We accepted, of course. :'''Superman''': You've got some nerve coming to us for help. :'''Lex Luthor''': Darkseid took Brainiac away from me. I can't hear his voice in my head anymore! :'''Giganta''': Enough of the crazy talk, Lex. Darkseid said he was coming to Earth to destroy it. You guys are supposed to keep that from happening. :'''Green Lantern''': We'll do just that, lady. Thanks for the heads up. :'''Atomic Skull''': And what about us? :'''Wonder Woman''': You're all going into holding cells. :'''Atomic Skull''': You think so? Ain't no way we're giving up without a... :'''Mr. Terrific''': Watchtower to Metro Tower. We've got a situation. :'''Superman''': What's going on up there? :'''Mister Terrific''': Multiple hyperspatial incursions. But they're planetside. I'm sending telemetry. :'''Batman''': Boom tubes. :'''Superman''': He's right. Can you hear it? Like thunder. :'''Mister Terrific''': Attention all Justice League personnel, this is an omega-level threat. :'''Blue Devil''': Get to the Javelins. :'''Shayera-Hol''': No time. All members prepare for emergency teleport. Send us first. Give the others a chance to get their pants on. :'''Mr. Terrific''': You got it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': Okay, let's get these people locked up. Sounds like we've got a fight on our hands. :'''Giganta''': If you think you're locking us up while the whole world's under attack, you've got ''two'' fights on your hands. :'''Batman''': She's got a point. We'll need all the bodies we can throw at this. :'''Superman''': Oh, come on! It's Lex flippin' Luthor! Why should we trust him?! :'''[[w:Atomic Skull|Atomic Skull]]''': Hey, it's our world too! :'''Lex Luthor''': Let's be clear about this. We're not here to help you save the world. You're here to help me get revenge on Darkseid. When this is over, it's back to business as usual. :'''Superman''': ''[glares at Lex]'' Wouldn't have it any other way. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Search through the telemetry on the attack groups; find the best-protected mother ship. That's where Darkseid will be. :'''Superman''': And that's where I want to go. :'''Mr. Terrific''': I imagine so— it's in Metropolis, hovering over the Daily Planet. Stand by. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex Luthor''': Was there a plan here? :'''Batman''': Take out the small fries until we attract the big fish's attention. :'''Lex Luthor''': Ha! With everything going on, I bet he never notices us! :[''[[w:Darkseid|Darkseid]] appears''] :'''Batman''': You're on. :'''Superman''': I'll take some of that action. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Darkseid''': I hope you appreciate, Kal-El, that everything that happens from this point is on your head. The skies will rain fire, the oceans will boil, the streets will run red with the blood of billions. Only then, after your last pitiful hope is extinguished, will I end your life. Let's go. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex Luthor''': You destroyed Brainiac! I'm gonna make you pay! :'''Darkseid''': Unlikely. ''[blows Luthor away]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Darkseid''': I'm more powerful than I've ever been, and the last time we met, you barely managed to hold your own. :'''Superman''': Funny. That's not how I remember it. :'''Darkseid''': Allow me to refresh your memory. ''[Darkseid picks up the Daily Planet globe and uses it to slam Superman through every floor of the building]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Lantern''': We gotta find a way to take this out for good! :'''Flash''': Why don't you just throw it into the sun? ''[pauses and stares at Green Lantern]'' Yeah, I guess that's a pretty stupid idea. :'''Green Lantern''': No, maybe you're on to something. But I'll need more leverage. And a trench! :'''Flash''': On it! ''[he runs around and around in a circle, creating a trench around the drill]'' Now what? ''[Green Lantern creates a catapult with his ring]'' Aw, cool! ''[Green Lantern flings the drill]'' :'''Green Lantern''': Doesn't look like it ''quite'' made escape velocity. ''[The drill hits a ship, which explodes]'' :'''Flash''': Good effort, though. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Darkseid''': Don't leave us yet, Kal-El. I want you to see your adopted homeworld bow down before me. Only then will I allow you death's sweet release. Agh! Parademons. Dispose of these annoyances. :'''Superman''': 'Scuse me. :'''Darkseid''': Flea. ''[Batman dodges Darkseid's Omega Beam and it hits a Parademon]'' Impressive. No one has ever avoided my Omega Beam. I wonder if the other one is as agile. ''[Powers up his Omega Beams; Lex Luthor runs away]'' Excellent strategy. :'''Superman''': Luthor! :'''Darkseid''': You friends have abandoned you, or fallen before my might. Super or otherwise, you're merely a man. And I, am a god. You still try to fight. Can't you see that it's hopeless? :'''Superman''': That man won't quit as long as he can still draw a breath. None of my teammates will. Me? I've got a different problem. I feel like I live in a world made of, cardboard. Always taking constant care not to break something, to break someone. Never allowing myself to lose control. Even for a moment, or someone could die. But you can take it, can't you, big man? What we have here is a rare opportunity for me to cut loose. And show you just how powerful I really am. Had enough? :'''Darkseid''': Not quite yet. It's called the Agony Matrix. Direct neural stimulation of pain receptors. All of them. Imagine the worst pain you've ever felt in your life. Times a thousand. Now imagine that pain continuing. Forever. Oh, that's right. You don't have to imagine. Still alive? You impress me, Kryptonian. More... Your valor has touched my heart. Oh yes. There is still some small part of me that knows mercy. I will end your pain... with something special I've been saving for just this occasion. ''[Darkseid draws a [[W:Kryptonite|Kryptonite]] knife]'' I'm going to carve out your heart and put it on a pike in my throne room. :''[Lex Luthor appears in a business suit]'' :'''Lex Luthor''': As much as I'd enjoy seeing that, first you've got some business with me. Sorry it took me so long. I had to go get my power-suit. :'''Darkseid''': You would dare challenge me? Insanity! :'''Lex Luthor''': Oh, I'm not here to challenge you, Darkseid. Quite the contrary. I've got something you want. The only thing you want. :''[Luthor holds up his hand, revealing a dazzling shard of energy]'' :'''Darkseid''': ''[astonished]'' The Anti-Life Equation! :'''Lex Luthor''': My gift to you. :'''Superman''': Lex, don't! :'''Batman''': It's too late. :'''Darkseid''': It's beautiful, isn't it? :'''Lex Luthor''': Yes, yes it is. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': Get away from here! It's not safe! :'''Elderly Chinese Man''': Don't worry. I'm here to help. :'''Wonder Woman''': I appreciate your inten- ''[Sees the old man easily defeating Parademons]'' Hera! ''[The man suddenly changes into a Chinese dragon, defeating more Parademons. He then changes again, becoming the Martian Manhunter.]'' J'onn! ''[hugs him]'' :'''Martian Manhunter''': Good to see you, Diana. I've got a lot to tell you about. :'''Wonder Woman''': We'll catch up later. :'''Martian Manhunter''': Wouldn't miss it. First things first... :''[The team flies off towards one of Darkseid's magma towers]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex Luthor''': Problem? :'''Batman''': I'm out. :'''Lex Luthor''': ''[holds up his gun]'' Take my extra. :'''Batman''': Not my style. :'''Lex Luthor:''' Suit yourself. I'm planning to live through this. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex Luthor''': You! Metron! You knew this was going to happen! :'''[[W:Metron (comics)|Metron]]''': This outcome ''was'' the most likely possible result of your foolhardy actions. :'''Lex Luthor''': You can help me! I ''demand'' that you help me! :'''Metron''': You are in no position to make demands of anyone. I warned you that you were dabbling in forces beyond your comprehension. :'''Lex Luthor''': You'd be surprised what I can comprehend! For instance, if you know so much about Darkseid, I'll wager you know how to beat him! :'''Metron''': There is one possibility. One thing in all the universe that ''might''... but no. The risk... :'''Lex Luthor''': I know a little something about risk myself. ''[aims his pistol at Metron]'' Care for an object lesson? :'''Metron''': Very well. I will take you where you want to go. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Darkseid''': You still try to fight. Can't you see that it's hopeless? :'''Superman''': ''[Pins Darkseid against a wall]'' Batman won't quit so long as he can draw breath. ''None'' of my teammates will. Me? I've got a ''different'' problem. ''[Punches Darkseid through the wall]'' '''I feel like I live in a world made of ''cardboard''. ''Always'' taking care not to break something, to break some''one''. ''Never'' allowing myself to lose control, even for a moment, or someone could die.''' ''[Punches Darkseid again]'' But you can take it, can't you, big man? What we have here is a rare opportunity for me to ''cut loose'', and show you '''''just how powerful I really am'''''. ''[Punches Darkseid across the city with a single blow]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Metron''': Behold the [[w:Source Wall|Source Wall]]. Beyond it is the single greatest secret of the universe. This is as far as I dare to go. I warn you one final time: only a 12th level intellect has the slightest hope of surviving what you are about to experience. :'''Lex Luthor''': Then I'm overqualified. <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Lex Luthor and Darkseid vanish through the Anti-Life Equation]'' :'''Sroya Bashir''': This has been the scene all over the world. In the wake of Darkseid's defeat, his attacking forces have withdrawn presumably back to wherever it is they came from. :'''Superman''': Thanks to Luthor, of all people. :'''Martian Manhunter''': In many ways, Lex Luthor represents the worst of what mankind has to offer. :'''Superman''': But he died saving us all. :'''Batman''': I doubt that either of them died. :'''Superman''': But we saw it this time! :'''Flash''': You saw it last time too. :'''Green Lantern''': What's that old saying? "Believe half of what you see..." :'''Shayera Hol''': "...and none of what you hear." They'll be back. :'''Martian Manhunter''': And we'll be ready for them. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': Meanwhile, it's past time that Luthor's partners in crime were locked up. :'''Atomic Skull''': Wait a minute – we help you guys save the world, and we don't even get any consideration? :''[Batman looks at Superman, who shrugs]'' :'''Batman''': You're right. Five-minute head start. :'''Atomic Skull''': Five minutes? Are you kidding?! :'''Wonder Woman''': Four minutes, fifty seconds. :''[The villains promptly flee; Giganta gives the surprised Flash a kiss on the cheek before joining the others]'' :'''Giganta''': Mwah. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Last lines of the series]'' :'''Martian Manhunter''': ''[on the cell phone to his wife]'' I should be back in time to dinner. I love you too. :'''Flash''': These are the end times. :'''Superman''': ''[to Batman]'' A head start? You're getting soft in your old age. :'''Batman''': ''[smiling]'' Don't you have a tall building to go leap? :'''Wonder Woman''': And the adventure continues. ''[The entire Justice League runs down the stairs, chasing the villains, each of the Justice League is split into sections, ending with the originals and Batman's emblem filling the screen]'' ==External links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:2000s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:American sequel TV shows]] [[Category:Animated Batman TV shows]] [[Category:Animated Justice League TV shows]] [[Category:Animated Superman TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated science fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated superhero TV shows]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Cartoon Network shows]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Crime TV shows]] [[Category:Animated television programs based on DC Comics]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:Television series by Warner Bros. Animation]] s2xudosjn483hxkj22m2zcs06h81tco 3778752 3778751 2025-07-14T16:38:29Z 2A02:2F01:6319:4600:CD8C:8F4A:DC68:E839 /* Chaos At The Earth's Core [3.3] */ 3778752 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''{{w|Justice League Unlimited}}''' (JLU) is an American animated television series that was produced by Warner Bros. Animation and aired on Cartoon Network. Featuring a wide array of superheroes from the DC Comics universe, and specifically based on the Justice League superhero team, it is a direct sequel to the previous Justice League animated series. ==Season 1== ===''Initiation'' [1.1]=== :'''Green Arrow''': Well, well, the great and glorious Green Lantern. What, did you run out of alien menaces to beat on, you have to horn in on my turf? :'''Green Lantern''': You're welcome. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': Each of you brings something different to the table. Strength. Speed. Stealth. Whatever. But we're all equal in at least one way: Each of us is willing to make the sacrifices a hero needs to make, even the ultimate one. Since there are so many of us, we have a chance to do more than just put out fires, both literal and figurative. We can be proactive. We can do some real good in the world. But we're going to have to be organized. J'onn'll be up here keeping an eye on everything. He'll be the one to decide whose going where and when. I know a lot of you are used to making those decisions for yourself, but from now on we have to be more coordinated than that. We can't be cowboys any more... or cowgirls. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Green Arrow|Green Arrow]]''': C'mon, I don't belong up here, fighting monsters and aliens and supervillains. I just help the little guy. And a big club like this, you tend to forget all about him. So gee whiz, I'm flattered to be asked and all. But NO THANKS. :'''Batman''': Suit yourself... ''[starts to walk away, then turns back]'' Those monsters you don't fight? They tend to STEP on little guys. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': Is that a ''Containment'' suit? :'''[[w:Captain Atom|Captain Atom]]''': Uh-huh. I'm not flesh and blood anymore, just living energy. :'''Green Arrow''': That wouldn't be NUCLEAR energy, would it? :'''Captain Atom''': With a name like Captain Atom, what do you think? :'''Green Arrow''': ''I'' think you're what I marched against back in college. <hr width="50%"> :'''[[w:Supergirl|Supergirl]]''': Why don't you take the stick out, Corporal? :'''Captain Atom''': Captain. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Supergirl''': He asked you a question! :'''General Kwan''': Don't answer him! That's classified inform- :'''Supergirl''': ''[picks him up]'' I've just about ''had'' it with you guys! You've got 'til the count of five. One... FOUR... ''[her eyes start to glow]'' :'''Captain Atom''': I'd speak up if I were you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': So what's the plan? :'''[[w:Captain Atom|Captain Atom]]''': I shove these carbon rods in the robots reactor, that should stop it. :'''Green Arrow''': I gotta say that's not much of a plan, if you get that close the heat will fry you. :'''Captain Atom''': I know. :'''Green Arrow''': But.. :'''Captain Atom''': If this doesn't work, contact the League, they'll know what to do next. :'''Green Arrow''': Captain. :''[Green Arrow shakes hands with Captain Atom]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Supergirl''': So, aren't you gonna give me the "you did good" speech? :'''Green Lantern''': You're headstrong, unprofessional and reckless. If you ever jeopardize yourself or your teammates again by running off half-cocked without a battle plan, I will personally see to it that you are kicked out of the League, I don't care who your cousin is. ''[He turns and begins to leave]'' And incidentally, you did good. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Showers/locker room area]'' :'''Batman''': Well, if it isn't the monster-killer. :'''Green Arrow''': I was lucky. So was everybody else. Still don't think I belong up here. :'''Batman''': That's the point. Someone like you will keep us honest. :'''Green Arrow''': Gee, Bats, I don't know. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a good radiation burn as much as the next guy, but I don't think... :''[Loses his train of thought as he sees Black Canary across the room, pulling up her boots.]'' :'''Batman''': So...see you soon? :'''Green Arrow''': You just might. ===''For The Man Who Has Everything'' [1.2]=== :''[Getting Superman a gift.]'' :'''Batman''': What'd you get him? :'''Wonder Woman''': I'm not saying anything ''[whispering]'' He'll hear, and spoil the surprise. :'''Batman''': He can hear that, too. :'''Wonder Woman''': How about you? :'''Batman''': He's not the easiest person in the world to buy birthday presents for. ''[holds up an envelope]'' :'''Wonder Woman''': Bruce... you didn't get him a gift certificate? :'''Batman''': ''[offended]'' No! ...cash. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Mongul! :'''Mongul''': You recognize me! I'm flattered. I suppose Superman told you all about our previous encounter. :'''Batman''': You mean how he humiliated you? :'''Mongul''': A... jaundiced account. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mongul''': The Black Mercy is a telepathic species. It reads the heart's desire and feeds the individual a totally convincing simulation of it. :'''Batman''': So he's dreaming. :'''Mongul''': Oh, far deeper than any dream. I wonder where he thinks he is. Sitting on a throne, ruling the universe. All you human garbage fawning at his feet. More honest, don't you think? Than this pretense of being a selfless hero. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mongul''': You don't understand. He was the only obstacle in my way. The rest of you... are already dead. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mongul''': Oh, dear. Is that a neural impactor? I didn't know that they were still making those. I'd advise you to try the plasma disruptor. It's more of a woman's weapon. :'''Wonder Woman''': Go to- ''[fires]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': He'll kill her, Clark. And then he'll kill us all! Shake it off! Come back to us! Please.. <hr width="50%"/> :''[On Krypton; Kal-El is with his son Van-El on the roof of his father's lab, as Van looks through a telescope]'' :'''Van-El''': Dad! ''[The ground shakes]'' Dad? You've gotta look at thi- ''[Sees Kal-El's troubled expression]'' What's...what's the matter? Why are you - :'''Kal-El''': Van, when you were born, it was the happiest day of my life. When I first saw your beautiful little face, your tiny fingers squeezed my hand so tight, like you never wanted to let go. I've watched every step, every struggle...I-I've... but, Van...''[eyes begin to water]'' oh, Rao help me... but I don't think you're real. I don't think any of this is-is real.. :'''Van-El''': Don't say that, Daddy...please, you're scaring me... ''[hugs his father]'' :'''Kal-El''': No, no, I don't want to scare you, Van. You are everything I ever wanted in a son. This...this is everything I ever wanted in a life. But I've got responsibilities, Van, and I...have to...go now... :''[Hugs his son as Krypton begins to tear itself apart, and kisses him on the forehead]'' :'''Van-El''': ''[Tearful]'' Daddy... :'''Kal-El''': I promise you... I'll never forget. :''[Krypton explodes]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': Do you have any idea what you did to me?! :'''Mongul''': I fashioned a prison that you couldn't leave without sacrificing your heart's desire. It must have been like tearing off your own arm. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mongul''': Happy birthday, Kryptonian. I give you... ''oblivion''. :'''Superman''': '''''BURN'''!'' ''[ignites Mongul with heat vision]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mongul''': You know, for a moment there, I almost believed you were going to kill me. How stupid of you to hesitate like that. Not a mistake I'll make, I can assure you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mongul''': You should have stayed in whatever happy fantasy the Black Mercy granted you. :'''Superman''': HAPPY??! Do you know what I've lost?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mongul is ensnared by the Black Mercy]'' :'''Wonder Woman''': I wonder what he's seeing. :'''Batman''': Whatever it is, it's too good for him. :''[The camera draw closer to Mongul's beaten face, who's trying to give a small, satisfied smile while low sounds of screams and explosions are heard in background]'' ===''Kid Stuff'' [1.3]=== :''[All the adults have been banished from the Earth, courtesy of Mordred.]'' :'''Mordred''': This better be worth it, mother. I mean it. :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': If the legends are true, it will be. :'''Mordred''': You've been saying stuff like that for, like, centuries. Nothing ever changes. :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': Everything's changed. Except you, Mordred. And that's because I want you to still be young when I give you your kingdom. :'''Mordred''': I want to be king now! 'What's this thing?' 'Another stupid charm?' :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': It's the amulet of first magic. The source of all Earthly sorcery. :'''Mordred''': Hmm. Shiny. :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': Be ready, Mordred. :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': At last. Mordred, give that to me. :'''Mordred''': Why should I? :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': Silly child, you're not... :'''Mordred''': Not what? Ready? Or big enough or old enough? 'None of that matters, mother.' 'Cause now, I'm strong enough. :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': Mordred! :'''[Morgaine Le Fay gasps]''' :'''Mordred''': I'll have my kingdom and without anyone telling me what to do. I never want to see you or anyone older than me ever again. :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': No! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Blockbuster''': Pound their heads! :'''Superman''': Pound your own. :'''Copperhead''': I won't go down easy. :'''Green Lantern''': Sure, you will. Guess that's a wrap. Sorry. Been hanging out with Flash too much. :'''Copperhead''': It was Judgment Day! And we got sent to [[w:Hell|the bad place]]! THE BAD PLACE! :'''Cheetah''': ''[slaps him]'' Snap out of it, Copper. :'''Green Lantern''': Yeah, calm down. We're probably just in another dimension. :'''Copperhead''': ''[sarcastic]'' Oh, is ''that'' all? :'''Batman''': I don't see any children. :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': That's because a child is responsible. :'''Batman''': Morgaine Le Fay. :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': I mean you no harm. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': My son Mordred has wrought this treachery, banishing all adults to this shadow realm. Even me, his own mother. And after I spent millennia feeding him, bathing him, preparing him to be king... where did I go wrong? :'''Wonder Woman''': You're a sorceress. Can't you just undo his spell? :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': No. He's got the amulet of first magic. He's too powerful. But if we all work together.. :'''Batman''': You want us to defeat your own son? :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': So don't trust me. Let him rule the world and all your children. Here we will stay. Forever. :'''Wonder Woman''': But what can we do? We're stuck here, aren't we? :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': Not exactly. The spell only banishes adults. :'''Green Lantern''': I don't like where this is going. :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': It's the only way. :'''Superman''': We have to do it. :'''[[John Stewart exhales]''' :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': Excellent. :'''[Morgaine Le Fay speaking foreign language]''' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, and Green Lantern have been turned into children.]'' :'''Kid Batman''': This better be temporary. :'''Kid Superman''': You sound weird, Whoa. So do I! :'''Kid Wonder Woman''': ''[Grinning at being the tallest]'' I kind of like this. :'''Kid Batman''': ''[to Green Lantern]'' What's the matter? :'''Kid Green Lantern''': I wore glasses as a kid. Guess I need them again. ''[large, square, green glasses appear on his nose]'' Wow! I didn't even try to make these! :''[Superman cracks up]'' :'''Kid Batman''': I hope not. :''[Green Lantern strains and morphs the glasses into a mask]'' :'''Kid Superman''': Cool! :'''Kid Wonder Woman''': ''[smacks him]'' Will you stop messing around? We gotta find Mordred! :'''Kid Batman''': Bet the little punk's in there! ''[runs towards the castle. Green Lantern, Superman, and Wonder Woman all quickly overtake him by flying]'' It's not a race! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Kid Batman is having trouble with a guard, Kid Wonder Woman punches it in the leg, causing it to shatter, then catches Kid Batman as he falls.]'' :'''Kid Wonder Woman''': You okay, tough guy? :'''Kid Batman''': Let go, I'm fine! ''[Stalks away, pouting]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[The group is thrown into a dungeon; a toddlerized Etrigan comes out.]'' :'''Kid Batman''': Etrigan? :''[Etrigan burps fire and is caught by Superman.]'' :'''Kid Batman''': ''[to Superman]'' Don't hurt him! :'''Kid Superman''': ''[being bitten by Etrigan]'' Tell him that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kid Wonder Woman''': Etrigan! You stop right there. I mean it! You naughty monster. Bad, bad, Etrigan. ''[Etrigan starts to cry. Wonder Woman picks him up]'' Hey little guy, it's okay, I won't hurt you. :'''Kid Batman''': You've got to be kidding. :'''Kid Wonder Woman''': He's just a baby. ''[Burps Etrigan]'' That's all he needed. :'''Kid Green Lantern''': ''[sniffs]'' Aww man, that ain't all she needs. :'''Kid Batman''': Now ''that'' is a job for Superman. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kid Superman''': You two, knock it off! :'''Child''': What are you gonna do? You're just a kid! :'''Kid Superman''': ''[burns the ground near them with his heat vision]'' I'm the kid with laser beams comin' out his eyes! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kid Green Lantern''': I've got a plan! I'll make some giant handcuffs and- :'''Kid Batman''': Forget it! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kid Batman''': Never mind what I just said. We'll take care of everything else. Lantern, you go crazy! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': You've used it all. Don't you realize what you've done? A bargain is a bargain. :''[After the League members been changed back to adults, Wonder Woman is still holding Etrigan]'' :'''Etrigan''': ...Mommy? :''[Wonder Woman drops Etrigan, looking somewhere between disgusted and annoyed]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Wait, what happened to Mordred? :'''Morgaine le Fey''': My spell gave him eternal youth. But now he has broken it, all he has is eternal life. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': Circumstances asides, it was kind of... enjoyable being a kid again. :'''Batman''': I haven't been a kid since I was eight years old. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Morgaine le Fey''': ''[Approaches an impossibly old, feeble and senile Mordred]'' Did you miss Mommy? Well, don't you worry, baby. Mommy's going to take good care of you, from now on... ===''Hawk And Dove'' [1.4]=== :''[Wonder Woman is being shot at by a bank robber who has run out of bullets and is about to throw his gun at her.] :'''Diana''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, yeah. Like THAT’S gonna work. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Diana''': What's wrong with people, J'onn? Hostility is their answer to everything! :'''Martian Manhunter''': You're one to talk, of late. :'''Diana''': What's that supposed to mean? :'''Martian Manhunter''': Diana, you and I have both been affected by our time among humans. It's important that we keep ourselves in check. :'''Diana''': First of all, those thugs back there got exactly what they had coming. As did that band of mercenaries last week. And those creatures from the Decoran Nebula - they weren't misunderstood! They thought we were FOOD! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hephaestus''': Patience, brother. You know how much I care about the details. :'''Ares''': It doesn't have to be pretty, Hephaestus. Where it's going things aren't supposed to be pretty. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hank Hall''': Fine mess here, Don. :'''Don Hall''': Talk to them, you speak Neanderthal! :'''Hank Hall''': I think they're done talking. :'''Don Hall''':This is ridiculous! Just because I disagree with you doesn't make me unpatriotic. :'''Bar Patron''': No, you bein' a bleedin' heart punk makes you unpatriotic! :'''Hank Hall''': Actually, I gotta agree with him on that one. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Don Hall''': Look, we got off on the wrong foot. Don't you think we could find plenty of things we all have in common if we JUST tried? :'''Bar Patron''': ''[ Pauses for a moment looking slightly puzzled]'' ...No! :'''Don Hall''': Hank, say something! :'''Hank Hall''': ''[punches one of the frat boys and gives Don a look]'' Preemptive strike. <hr width="50%"/> :''[ [[w:Hawk and Dove|Hawk and Dove]] find themselves in a barroom brawl]'' :'''Dove''': Oh, you SO wanted to do this! :'''Hawk''': Don't blame me! You're the one that couldn't keep your trap shut! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hawk''': Why not just let them obliterate each other? If people can't control their own country, they don't deserve to have one. :'''Dove''': Way to oversimplify. These folks live in poverty, and when you have so little, it's easy to be swayed into blaming your neighbour. Almost all aggression can be cured with education. :'''Hawk''': Yeah? Then how come some of the best-educated guys in the world work at the Pentagon? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hawk''': There's no one inside that thing! How do you fight that? :'''Wonder Woman''': You hit it 'til it breaks. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Nardoc''': We won, Mr. Sera. The animals attacked, and we ran them out of town. :'''Ares''': I didn't give you the Annihilator so you could run your enemies out of town, I gave you the Annihilator so you could annihilate them! :'''Nardoc''': Forgive the insult, sir, but you think like a South Kaznian. They want to destroy us all, but my brothers and I only wish to keep our land. Perhaps I could take their camp, but the price would be too great. Shall I win a country but massacre my people? :'''[[w:Ares (DC Comics)|Ares]]''': Yes, you idiot! ''I'' think like a South Kasnian?! Has it even entered your skull that THEY think like South Kasnians?! And you'd better start thinking that way, too, if you want there to be a Northerner left in this rat-infested dirt heap you call a country! All any of you mortals are good for is to slaughter one another! To fight and fight until the bones of your enemies are strewn across the battlefield, only to rise again in the next generation, like a well-tended crop! THAT’S what the Annihilator is for! But nooo, you're using it to play TAG! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Hawk attempts to kidnap the South Kasnian leader]'' :'''Hawk''': Ever run away from home? It's fun; you'll love it. ''[Grabs leader out of bed]'' Brother and I used to do it all the time. 'Cept, he'd always wuss out and run home to Mama... <hr width="50%"/> :''[Hawk is watching many Kasnians fighting and blowing things up]'' :'''Hawk''': I see Don's social skills had their usual effect... <hr width="50%"/> :''[Dove had just made the Annihilator stop by simply standing before it without a fight]'' :'''Hawk''': Anybody wanna give me a clue what just happened? :'''Wonder Woman''': Sometimes, it takes more strength NOT to fight. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ares''': But I'll be back and sooner than you think. Wherever there's prejudice, ignorance, inequality, I'll be there. :'''Wonder Woman''': And I'll be waiting. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dove''': You see, doesn't this prove exactly what I've been saying for years? :'''Hawk''': Couldn't tell ya — I do my best not to listen. :'''Dove''': What?!? ===''This Little Piggy'' [1.5]=== :'''Batman''': Patience, princess. Intergang moves in mysterious ways. :'''Wonder Woman''': Tell me about it. What use could they possibly have for the Rosetta Stone? :'''Batman''': We'll find out soon enough. And in the meantime... :'''Wonder Woman''': I know. Patience. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': Don't you ever wish you were down there? :'''Batman''': I'm down there all I need to be. :'''Wonder Woman''': Yes, but it's just a job to you. I'm talking about going down there and having some fun. Maybe... maybe with someone special. :''[Batman frowns and looks away]'' :'''Wonder Woman''': No. No dating for the Batman. It might cut into your brooding time. :'''Batman''': One: dating within the team always leads to disaster. Two: you're a princess from a society of immortal warriors; I'm a rich kid with issues... lots of issues. And three: if my enemies knew I had someone special, they wouldn't rest until they'd gotten to me, through her. :'''Wonder Woman''': ''[Crushes a stone gargoyle's head with her hand]'' Next? :''[A burglar alarm goes off.]'' :'''Batman''': There! :''[He swings into action.]'' :'''Wonder Woman''': ''[wryly]'' Saved by the bell. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': Circe! Be careful, she's... :'''Batman''': Yeah. I've read the ''[[w: Odyssey|Odyssey]]''. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zatanna''': ''[trying to turn Wonder Woman back to normal and failing]'' Lleps eb nekorb! Anaid emoceb namuh! Well, I gave it my best shot. We could call in one of the other magicians. Doctor Fate, maybe- :'''Batman''': No! I mean, let's keep this between us. :'''Zatanna''': But why? If there's a chance to help her, shouldn't we tell everyone and that... oh, wait wait... you and her, are you two... :'''Batman''': Just good friends. :'''Zatanna''': No, you and I are just good friends. There's something more between you and her. :'''Batman''': Well, maybe there was. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:B'wana Beast|B'wana Beast]]''': ''[introducing himself to Zatanna]'' B'wana Beast. How ya doin'? :'''Zatanna''': My ''legs'' are fine. As is the rest of me. Up here. ''[pointing to her face]'' :'''B'wana Beast''': Woah, she's got the fire of the cheetah in her. Rrroowr. :'''Zatanna''': ''[to Batman]'' Why are you doing this to me? <hr width="50%"/> :'''B'wana Beast''': ''[Talking to pigs, trying to find Wonder Woman]'' C'mon guys, help me out. Newcomer? Silver bracelets? Kinda stuck up? <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Red Tornado|Red Tornado]]''': ''[imitating a pig call]'' SOOOOOOO-WEEEEEEEEEE... <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Crimson Avenger|Crimson Avenger]]''': Excuse me, sir, I'm looking for a pig. :'''Old Man''': Gladys, it's for you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''B'wana Beast''': Yo, Wonderpig! ''[pursues the pig Diana through the street, jumping over an oncoming truck in the process; then, over his communicator]'' Bats, Beast. Got a fix on your girl. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Medusa|Medusa]]''': C-Girl and me did some time together back in the Pit of Eternal Torment. That's where they hang you by your ankles and weasels come each night to eat your fingers. They grow back the next day, but trust me - it gets old real quick. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Themis''': Thank you, Medusa. And know that you've earned 300 years off your sentence. :'''Medusa''': ''[sarcastic]'' Freedom in 4010. Ring-a-ding-ding! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Circe''': Thank you, thank you. You've all been so kind to me tonight. You know, my cousins, the Sirens, never thought I could sing. Really! They thought they were all that with their 'Charm the Sailors' routine. But I'm showing them, aren't I? :[''Dead silence. Circe glares - the audience applauses''] :'''Circe''': Oh thank you! I love you all! Are there any requests? :'''Zatanna''': Stcejbo kcatta ecriC! :'''Circe''': I'm not sure I know that one... <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Circe (comics)|Circe]]''': ''[under attack by Zatanna]'' Insolent trickster! You dare to strike- ''[gets hit by a chair]'' You dare to strike- ''[gets hit by a table]'' You dare to strike- ''[gets smothered by a tablecloth]'' QUIT IT! Oh, no... ''[gets hit by a grand piano]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Wait. It seems that magic always has a price. :'''Circe''': And your point is...? :'''Batman''': What would I have to give to make you lift your spell on Diana? :'''Circe''': Well, now you're getting interesting. I want something from you that's very precious. Something you've worked ''very hard'' to conceal. Something when gone, you can never regain. Something ''soul-shattering''... :''[cut to Batman at a mike]'' :'''Batman''': ''[singing]'' [[w:Am I Blue?|Am I blue? Am I blue? Ain't these tears in my eyes telling you...]] <hr width="50%"/> ''[Zatanna is listening to Batman sing as her eyes tear up. She produces a handkerchief to dab at her eyes... then passes it to Circe, who is also crying at the performance.]'' :'''Circe''': Beautiful. :'''Zatanna''': And you'll keep your part of the bargain? :'''Circe''': A deal's a deal. He can stop now. :'''Zatanna''': Not on your life! ''[Both keep watching the performance.]''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zatanna''': ''[to Batman, after he leaves the stage]'' Is there anything you can't do? :'''Batman''': There's one thing I've never been very good at - saying thank you. ''[they share a smile]'' ===''Fearful Symmetry'' [1.6]=== :'''[[W:Green Arrow|Green Arrow]]''': Don't listen to this guy, everything's conspiracies with him. :'''[[W:Question (comics)|The Question]]''': Not "conspiracies". Conspiracy. Singular. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Question''': Reaching back to ancient Egypt, there's been a single cabal of powerful individuals directing the course of human history. But the common man prefers to believe they don't exist, which aids their success. :'''Supergirl''': ''[reading newspaper clippings]'' Global warming, military upheavals in the third world, actors elected to public office... :'''Green Arrow''': The spread of coffee bars, germs outpacing antibiotics, and boy bands? Come on! Who would gain from all this? :'''Question''': Who indeed? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Supergirl''': These weren't just dreams, they felt like they really happened! :'''Green Arrow''': I dunno, I've had some dreams that felt mighty real. ''[glances over his shoulder at Black Canary]'' There was this one the other night... ''[eats a French fry thoughtfully]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': Hold your horses! No one asked for more help. This whole trip might just prove the kid shouldn't eat nachos before bed. :'''Question''': Peanut butter sandwiches. :'''Supergirl''': How did y- what, do you go through my trash?! :'''Question''': Please... I go through ''everyone's'' trash. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': So I think that answered everything. :'''Question''': A little too well. :'''Green Arrow''': Does ''everything'' have a sinister motive in your world? :'''Question''': Yours too, you just don't know it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': What was that about? :'''Question''': What do you think? We're asking questions someone doesn't want answered. :'''Green Arrow''': Aw, learn a new tune already! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Supergirl has just been attacked by an android.]'' :'''Question''': Standard [[w: Infiltration Unit Zeta|Z8 Combat Trainer]]. :'''Green Arrow''': Like the ones we use. The League buys 'em in bulk. :'''Supergirl''': So? :'''Question''': So who do we buy them ''from?'' :'''Supergirl''': The Army, I thin... Oh, wait a minute... :'''Question''': Another fun fact: The man who commissioned the Z8 Project? The same man who put you in the hospital. :'''Supergirl''': General Hardcastle? He's retired now, isn't he? :'''Question''': Gone. And hoping to be forgotten. <hr width="50%"/> :'''General Hardcastle''': Figured someone would come for me some day. Only, I thought they'd be from the other side. ''[aiming his weapon at Supergirl]'' This weapon fires a projectile of kryptonite pellets suspended in a liquid silicon core. Causes maximum scatter on impact. Only gets one shot, but trust me, ''alien'', it'll do the job. :'''Supergirl''': We're not here to hurt you. We just have some questions. :'''General Hardcastle''': Sorry if I don't take your word for it. As I recall, your kind can be fickle. :''[After a tense moment Green Arrow steps in front of Supergirl]'' :'''Green Arrow''': Okay, now what, smart guy? Use up your magic bullet on me, and you're left with one very ticked off Supergirl. :''[The brief distraction gives Question the chance to easily disarm Hardcastle]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''General Hardcastle''': What? I told you everything I... Supergirl? :'''Galatea''': Yes... and no. Friends call me Tea. Are you a friend, general? :''[Hardcastle lunges for his kryptonite gun but Galatea quickly destroys it with her heat vison]'' :'''Galatea''': Guess that's a no. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Galatea''': So, what do you think? It's important that you like yourself. And I'm you, just accelerated a few extra years. Plus better trained. And I have to say, a heck of a lot smarter. :'''Supergirl''': You lured us here. After your lackeys couldn't get rid of me at Star, you decided to deal with me yourself on your home turf. :'''Galatea''': It's like you're reading my mind. Which is actually the problem. And why you have to die. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Outside Nuvo-Gen]'' :'''Question''': ''[singing while inspecting the locked glass door]'' ...Fell in love again, what am I gonna tell my friends? It just happened. You walked in my door, now I don't wanna be alone no more... ''[throws a potted plant through the door]'' Oops, I done it! Told you how I feel! Just hope this time that our love is real... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Question''': You were setting up this bait even before Supergirl started asking questions. It's because the link works both ways, doesn't it? While she was seeing what you were doing, you were feeling her conscience. That's why you couldn't sleep at night. And I bet it got in the way of your work. It bites having someone in your head, doesn't it? :'''Galatea''': ''[begrudgingly]'' You don't know what you're talking about. :'''Question''': No? Prove it. Kill me. :''[Galatea raises her fist but hesitates to hit him]'' ===''The Greatest Story Never Told'' [1.7]=== :'''Child''': Can I have your autograph?! :'''Booster Gold''': Of course you can! ''[signs autograph book]'' :'''Child''': ''[looks at it and is disappointed]'' I thought you were Green Lantern. :'''Skeets:''' I would like your autograph, sir! :'''Booster Gold''': Shut up, Skeets. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Martian Manhunter''': I have never sensed such malevolent magic in one being. Unless Mordru can be defeated, I fear for every living creature on the planet. :'''Booster Gold''': Yes! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Martian Manhunter''': Listen up! A second unit will serve under Green Lantern's command! When I call your name, report to the transporter! Hawk and Dove, Star and Stripe, Shining Knight... Fire and [[w:Ice (comics)|Ice]], [[w:Doctor Light (Kimiyo Hoshi)|Doctor Light]]... [[w:Aztek (comics)|Aztek]], Huntress, Vigilante, Elongated Man... :'''Booster Gold''': Ahem. :'''Martian Manhunter''': [[w:Vibe (comics)|Vibe]]... :'''Booster Gold''': AHEM! :'''Martian Manhunter''': ''[sighs]'' Booster Gold... :'''Booster Gold''': Yes! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Booster Gold''': Energize! :'''Teleporter Operator''': Doofus. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Elongated Man and Booster Gold are stuck with Crowd Control during a battle.]'' :'''[[w: Elongated Man|Elongated Man]]''': "We don't need two stretchy guys". This is so not fair! I mean, okay, I realize that Plastic Man is in the League too, I'm not dissing the guy's skills, but come on! I have it all over that guy! Once, I disguised myself as a vase for like three days! :'''Booster Gold''': No, you didn't! :'''Elongated Man''' Okay, maybe not. Who'd want to, anyway? But I ''am'' a detective! That means I'm like [[w: Plastic Man|Plastic Man]] and Batman rolled into one! And... :'''Booster Gold''': Is there any chance you could stop complaining for five minutes? :'''Elongated Man''': Hey, the squeaky wheel gets the grease, my friend. But I'll tell you one thing: I wouldn't help those ingrates now if they BEGGED me! :'''Wonder Woman''': We need you. :'''Booster Gold''': It's about time! :'''Wonder Woman''': Not you. HIM! :'''Elongated Man''': Squeaky Wheel! ''[leaves with Wonder Woman]'' :'''Skeets''': Maybe they needed a vase. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Booster Gold''': It doesn't matter what we do here, the battle is over there. We're not helping. :'''Skeets''': This is untrue. "They also serve, who only stand and wait." - [[John Milton]]. :'''Booster Gold''': Oh yeah? I got one for ya': "This stinks" - Booster Gold. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Booster Gold''': I am not Green Lantern! If I were Green Lantern, my costume would be green, now wouldn't it?! ''[to Skeets]'' I have officially hit rock bottom. :'''Skeets''': Sir, you saved those insects! Yay! Don't you feel good about yourself? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Booster Gold''': She's beautiful, and in distress! My favorite kind of damsel. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Booster Gold''': Oh, man, we are so lucky! All I have to do is pop this collar on Mr. Black Hole, save the world, and then it's champagne and strawberries for me and the hot doctor! ''[He is about to put the collar around Dr. Daniel's neck, when a car falls on him]'' ''[emerging from under the car]'' I thought they didn't have flying cars in this time period. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Booster Gold opens an ambulance door]'' :'''Booster Gold''': Uh-oh. ''[Cut to pregnant woman in labor; Dr. Simmons arrives]'' Maybe you should handle this. :'''Dr. Tracy Simmons''': Why me? :'''Booster Gold''': You're a doctor. :'''Dr. Tracy Simmons''': I'm a physicist! :'''Booster Gold''': Yeah? :'''Dr. Tracy Simmons''': Give me the collar! ''[She takes it and runs]'' :'''Booster Gold''': I'll - I'll take care of this. ''[climbs into the ambulance next to the woman]'' So, um... how are you feeling? :'''Woman''': ''[screams]'' :'''Booster Gold''': How many fingers am I holding up? :'''Woman''': ''[Grabs him]'' Do something useful! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Booster Gold''': Tracy, where are you? This is all my fault, Skeets. I never should have put her in harm's way. I mean, Superman wouldn't have done that. He would have figured this all out by now. :'''Skeets''': Thataway, sir. :'''Tracy Simmons''': Help me! Oh, no! :'''Skeets''': He's in the subway, sir. He's in the subway. :'''Booster Gold''': I know. :'''Booster Gold''': They were right. Some superhero I turned out to be. If anyone knew the truth. If she knew the truth-- :'''Skeets''': I've got nothing. :'''Tracy Simmons''': Did you find him? :'''Skeets''': According to my sensors, Dr. Brown is nearing critical mass. :'''Booster Gold''': Come on. :'''Tracy Simmons''': Daniel! :'''Daniel''': Tracy, keep back! I can't control it! :'''Booster Gold''': Just stay where you are. :'''Skeets''': Booster! :'''Booster Gold''': Skeets! No! :'''Daniel''': Ohh. :'''Booster Gold''': I blew it! :'''Tracy Simmons''': It's not too late! :'''Booster Gold''': I can't do it! :'''Tracy Simmons''': Yes, you can! You have to! :'''Booster Gold''': Tracy, I'm a fraud! Do you know why I came back to the past? It wasn't to fight for justice! It was to get rich, be famous! I was a failure in the future, just like I am here! I'm not a superhero! :'''Tracy Simmons''': Everything is about to be destroyed forever! And where are the other superheroes? Not here! You are! You're the only one that can do this! So do it! :'''Tracy Simmons''': You're alive. :'''Daniel''': Tracy? :'''Tracy Simmons''': You're all right, Daniel. Just take it slow. :'''Daniel''': I don't feel so good. :'''Booster Gold''': Skeets! :'''Skeets''': My gosh. It was full of stars. :'''Daniel''': Sorry. :'''Tracy Simmons''': You okay? :'''Booster Gold''': Yeah. You? :'''Tracy Simmons''': I am now. That was pretty super-heroic of you. :'''Booster Gold''': Hey. All in a judgment day's work. Well, see ya. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Skeets''': Sir, according to my thermal sensor readings of Dr. Simmons, you just missed a prime opportunity to... well, I believe the phrase is, "kiss the girl." :'''Booster Gold''': Kissing girls is for heroes, Skeets. :'''Captain Atom''': Nice work, Elongated Man. :'''Green Lantern''': That was just about the slickest move I've ever seen. :'''Elongated Man''': Hey, it was a team effort. I'm just glad I stretched in the right place at the right time. :'''Booster Gold''': Back to normal, huh? :'''Batman''': Mordru's magic was nullified when he lost consciousness. I thought I told you to stay on crowd control. :'''Booster Gold''': I know, but... there was this... I mean, you wouldn't believe it... it almost.. ''[pauses on seeing Batman narrowing his eyes]'' ah, forget it. :'''Batman''': You and I are gonna have a little chat later. ''[walks away]'' :'''Booster Gold''': ''[sarcastic]'' Looking forward to that. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tracy Simmons''': ''[offscreen]'' Excuse me, Green Lantern? :'''Booster Gold''': For the last time, I am not Green Lantern! My name is...! ''[turns and sees her]'' :'''Tracy Simmons''': ''[laughs]'' Just kidding. I know who Booster Gold is. So now that I'm not in distress, I was wondering if maybe I was still your kind of damsel. Because maybe we could have dinner if you're not busy doing cleanup. :'''Booster Gold''': Me? No. I only do crowd control. Squeaky wheel, buddy. Squeaky wheel. ===''The Return'' [1.8]=== :'''Guardian''': There's an unidentified object approaching Oa at a somewhat astonishing speed... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Guardian''': Magnify image. :'''Martian Manhunter''': Professor Ivo's android! :'''Green Lantern''': Holy Mother of-! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex Luthor''': ''[leading the rest to a hiding place]'' This is it. :'''[[w: Supergirl|Supergirl]]''': A barber shop? :'''[[W: John Henry Irons|Steel]]''': Got to hand it to you, Luthor - NOBODY would think to look for you here. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amazo''': You cannot keep me from my goal. :'''Superman''': Telepathy. :'''Green Lantern''': I'm not impressed. :'''Superman''': Why have you come back? What do you want? :'''Amazo''': Why do you ask questions you already know the answer to? :'''Superman''': Luthor. :'''Amazo''': Of course. :'''Superman''': We're not gonna give him up. :'''Amazo''': He's your enemy. You owe him nothing. :'''Superman''': Turn...back...now. :'''Amazo''': I have evolved far beyond what I was when we last met. You do not want to challenge me. :'''Green Lantern''': LIGHT HIM UP! :''[The First Line attacks]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kyle Rayner''': We're gonna use every bit of power left in our rings and take one last shot at the android. :'''Green Lantern''': A blast like that could destroy half the planet. :'''Kyle Rayner''': Half a planet is better than none. :''[in the Watchtower]'' :'''Martian Manhunter''': It's the only way. :'''Dr. Fate''': Hmmm, those words are always used to justify destruction. :'''Martian Manhunter''': We can only guess how much power the android has amassed as it has worked it's way across the galaxy. It has to be stopped, Fate. Here and now. Not just for the sake of this world, but for all worlds. :'''Dr. Fate''': Then for the sake of all worlds, I will continue to seek a better way. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex Luthor''': The most powerful creature in the universe wants my head, and the League sends its least powerful member to protect me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Atom_(Ray_Palmer)|Atom]]''': The android – why does he hate you so much? :'''Lex Luthor''': I once took advantage of his naiveté. He's not naïve any more, and I've stopped taking advantage of the innocent. :'''Atom''': Let's hope you'll be more convincing if you have to tell him that. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amazo''': Your bravery is admirable... but annoying. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Martian Manhunter''': You'll need that cannon very soon. :'''Lex Luthor''': Then stop interrupting us! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Martian Manhunter''': You've come to offer help? :'''Dr. Fate''': Not help. Hope. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amazo''': An intriguing idea, modifying the cannon so that it could alter my programming, and it might've worked... a month ago, when I was still nanotech. But I have transcended that limitation. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex Luthor''': A subatomic universe. :'''Atom''': Figured the android can't kill what he can't see. :'''Amazo''': Oh, but I ''can'' see you. ''[Atom and Luthor are revealed to be standing on Amazo's hand]'' Did you really think I couldn't follow you here? No universe, however large, however small, is denied to me. :'''Lex Luthor''': What do you want from me? :'''Amazo''': You have everything humans desire: wealth, power... yet you crave more, and you'll do anything to get it. Why? What is your ultimate purpose? :'''Lex Luthor''': What you're ''really'' asking is, what is ''yours?'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Fate''': Wait. Please. The android's nature has proved benign before. I believe it will again. :'''Green Lantern''': Benign?! You call destroying Oa benign?! ''[all assembled Green Lanterns aim their rings at Dr. Fate]'' Not even you can stand against the Green Lantern Corps. ''[Dr. Fate steps aside, and the Lanterns find the room empty]'' What the devil's going on? :'''Dr. Fate''': Lex Luthor is saving the world. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex Luthor''': The truth is, for all my struggles to make my mark in life, for all I've accomplished, in just a few short generations my name will be forgotten. Even the greatest of us can't compete with time... and death. :'''Amazo''': Then why do you go on? Why does anyone? Why don't I just destroy you and everything else right now? ''[winds start swirling]'' All it would take is a single thought and- :'''Lex Luthor''': No! If you do that, you won't see the end of it! :'''Amazo''': The end of what? :'''Lex Luthor''': The evolutionary process. You of all beings should know something about that. :'''Amazo''': Yes. Yes, I'm evolving. That's why Professor Ivo made me. These past months I have amassed so much knowledge, and yet... I remain confused... empty. What am I evolving into? What is my purpose?! I must know! ''TELL ME!'' :'''Lex Luthor''': There's no way to tell. And that's why I stay in the game. My purpose, if you will, is to see where it's all going. And you! You'll live forever. You'll be able to see it all. :'''Amazo''': Is that my purpose? Simply to be... a ''witness?'' :'''Lex Luthor''': We create our own purpose in life. Now go create yours. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex Luthor''': You know, when I heard you were coming I was actually afraid of you. Petrified. But now, when I see your fear, your uncertainty, I just pity you. :''[Amazo glares]'' :'''Atom''': You should have quit while you were ahead. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Fate''': It's over. Isn't it? :'''Amazo''': Yes. :'''Green Lantern''': He murders an entire world, and it's over? Just like that? I don't think so! :'''Amazo''': I did not destroy Oa - I simply moved it to another dimension. ''[everyone stares]'' It was in my way. :'''John Stewart''': Then could you move it back? :''[Amazo's eyes glow briefly]'' :'''Amazo''': Done. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Fate''': I can help you on your journey. In your search for meaning. :'''Amazo''': Help me? Why? :'''Dr. Fate''': Because that... is my purpose. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Atom''': Told you we'd beat him! :'''Lex Luthor''': What do you mean, "we"? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Inza''': Are you all right? :'''Dr. Fate''': Fine, although there was a moment when I actually thought John Stewart was going to attack me. :'''Shayera Hol''': Oh, I don't know about that. His bark's a lot worse than his bite. ===''Ultimatum'' [1.9]=== :'''Aquaman''': The new Bermuda Platform's under attack. If it collapses, we're gonna have the worst oil spill in history on our hands. I've told those idiots to stay out of my ocean. :'''Superman''': ETA is three minutes, Aquaman. :'''Wonder Woman''': Right behind you, Superman. :'''Batman''': See you there, Diana. :'''Aquaman''': These geniuses dug right into the Earth's magma. Never occurred to them there'd be anything living down there. :'''Batman''': ''[surrounded with Aquaman by Lava men]'' Can you make telepathic contact? :'''Aquaman''': Do they look like fish to you? :'''Wind Dragon''': Don't despair, old chum. :'''Long Shadow''': I didn't know you could do that. :'''Wind Dragon''': Neither did I. :'''Wind Dragon''': Finding new sources of fuel for an energy starved world is truly a worthy endeavor. But in man's quest to better himself, he must respect all of the world's creatures, including those poor beasts whose homes you've disturbed. :'''Wind Dragon''': Not to worry, fellow heroes. The Ultimen are here. :'''Aquaman''': Not them again. :'''Wind Dragon''': Now, is that nice? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Superman is encased in hardened magma]'' :'''Wind Dragon''': You know, Juice, Superman was my hero when I was a lad. It's not his fault he's getting old. :'''Superman''': "Old"?! ''[breaks free]'' :'''Wind Dragon''': Old but spry, sir, old but spry! :'''Long Shadow''': It's, uh, really an honor to be working with you, Wonder Woman. :'''Wonder Woman''': Thank you, Long Shadow. :'''Shifter''': Lend them a hand, Brother? :'''Downpour''': Absolutely, Sister. :'''Shifter''': Flood! :'''Downpour''': Sea serpent! :'''Shifter''': Don't be afraid, Wonder Woman. It's only me, Shifter. :'''Wonder Woman''': Any chance you could warn me before you try to drown me? :'''Shifter''': We were only trying to help. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Long Shadow''': What I wanna know is- :'''Shifter, Downpour, Juice, Wind Dragon''': "Why can't we join the Justice League?" :'''Wind Dragon''': Hey, it's all right. I used to think like that. :'''Long Shadow''': Used to? What happened? :'''Wind Dragon''': I dunno. I guess I just started wanting stuff. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': ''[on Maxwell Lord]'' I can't listen to anymore of this. This guy's dripping more oil than that platform ever did. <hr width="50%'/> :'''Bizarro''': Me will do anything for the woman he loves! Even break her boyfriend out of prison! :'''Wonder Woman''': And what's gonna happen then? :'''Bizarro''': Uh... ''[gets knocked out]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bizarro''': ''[singing]'' Bizarro here to save the day! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Giganta''': Outta the way, tiny. :''[Long Shadow grows taller than her]'' :'''Long Shadow''': You were saying? :'''Giganta''': Oh, poop. <hr width="50%'/> :'''Wonder Woman''': Whatever's going on, we'll do everything in our power to... :'''Wind Dragon''': Yes, ''power.'' That's what it always comes down to, doesn't it? And that's the only way we'll ever be remembered. 'Cause we're the ones who take down the Justice League! The world will never forget us! :'''Batman''': Listen to yourself, you're not making any sense! You're getting sicker! :'''Wind Dragon''': Translation: they're afraid to face us! :'''Long Shadow''': No! :'''Wind Dragon''': As a man said, "You're either with us or against us." :'''Juice''': Where'd he go? :'''Batman''': Light's out... old chum. :'''Downpour''': Nobody does that to my sister. Do you hear me?! Nobody! :''[Downpour blasts Aquaman with a huge tidal wave, which is almost entirely ineffective.]'' :'''Aquaman''': King of the seas, remember? :'''Superman''': Project Cadmus? That's all you know? :'''Long Shadow''': Everything else is an implanted memory. :'''Wonder Woman''': How much time... do you have left? :'''Long Shadow''': Who knows? :'''Amanda Waller''': We'll take it from here. The Ultimen belong to us. :'''Wonder Woman''': Belong? :'''Maxwell Lord''': A poor choice of words. We'll see to it that their last days are comfortable. We will take care of you. You have my word, for whatever it's worth. :'''Wind Dragon''': All right, Max. :''[The gunmen step towards Long Shadow. Wonder Woman steps in front of him.] :'''Wonder Woman''': No. :'''Amanda Waller''': You need to step back. :'''Batman''': Not gonna happen. Long Shadow's with us. :'''Amanda Waller''': ''[to troops]'' Safeties. :''[Soldiers train guns on the League; Superman and Aquaman get between them and Long Shadow]'' :'''Batman''': ''[smirking]'' Mine are bigger than yours. :'''Amanda Waller''': Stand down. He's free to go with you for however long he's got. :'''Batman''': Who are you people? :'''Amanda Waller''': That's a national security matter. And if I were you, I wouldn't probe the situation too closely... rich boy. :'''Wonder Woman''': Welcome to the Justice League. ===''Dark Heart'' [1.10]=== :'''[[w: The Atom|The Atom]]''': ''[confronted by a (relatively) giant nanomachine]'' He's bigger than my car now, Katie. Personally, I blame you. :'''Katie''': How can it possibly be my fault? :'''The Atom''': Because otherwise it would be ''my'' fault. That can't be right; I'm a professor. ''[He rides the nanomachine like a bronco, opening a panel on its back.]'' Okay, I can see the problem, now, Katie. Looks like the salt water created a bad nano-chip. I can get around it by.... ''[he's nearly thrown off as the nanomachine writhes under him]'' Okay, I'm just gonna be direct. ''[He punches the chip, breaking it, but he is shocked by the contact. The nanomachine comes to a halt, and he lies prone on its back, exhausted.]'' :'''Katie''': Professor Palmer! Professor! Ray! :'''The Atom''': I'm just going to lie here for a while, Katie. I'm old now, and I get tired. :'''Katie''': Professor Palmer, you have company...''serious'' company... :'''The Atom''': Stand by, I'm coming up. ''[He adjusts a dial on his belt, causing him to grow out of the petri dish. He steps down from the table it's on, to stand only a little shorter than Superman.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[in free fall, having bailed out of his plane]'' Batman to all points. I could use some air support. Since I can't fly. At all. ''[continues to fall and states calmly]'' Now would be good. ''[Superman catches him only a few feet from the ground]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': ''[holding Atom in her palm]'' Ready? :'''Atom''': Just don't squeeze. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': ''[in the midst of battle, before tucking Atom into her cleavage]'' I need both hands, professor. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Atom''': This is incredible. Every atom of it is filled with books' worth of information, it is beautifully simple, it— :'''Batman''': Save it for the autopsy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Atom''': Amazing. Show him a weapon that destroyed its creators and every other thing it saw, and he wants to play with it. What's to stop history from repeating itself right here on Earth? :'''Superman''': We are. ===''Wake the Dead'' [1.11]=== :'''Aquaman''': Such scintillating repartee. I get better conversation from the android. :'''Amazo''': You are aware I'm in the room? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Aquaman''': I win again... huzzah. :'''Shayera Hol''': It's just a game. :''[Aquaman knocks the board and pieces off the table]'' :'''Aquaman''': You disgust me! :'''Shayera Hol''': Join the club. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': Aquaman thinks I've been here too long. :'''Inza''': Flowers bloom when they are ready, Shayera. :'''Shayera Hol''': I'm no flower. I'm not Lieutenant Shayera Hol of the Thanagarian Empire. Not anymore. I've been stripped of my rank, exiled from my home world. I'm not Hawkgirl. That was always a sham. When I do my job, people get hurt, people that I care about. :'''Inza''': And what happens when you don't do your job? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Lantern''': Doctor Fate called it, Solomon Grundy's back. :'''Vixen''': The zombie guy? A heavy hitter, I read about him in the files. :'''Green Lantern''': Yeah, he's tough, but we can handle him. Funny thing is, he's supposed to be dead. :'''Vixen''': Aren't all zombies, by definition, dead? :'''Green Lantern''': Uh... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amazo''': Checkmate. You are improving. This time it took me 16 moves to defeat you. That's nearly double the number it took last time. :'''Aquaman''': ''[annoyed]'' Set up the board. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Fate''': Solomon Grundy's grave is empty. :'''Aquaman''': Find those responsible, then dig more graves. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Fate''': ''[magically watching Superman, Green Lantern and Vixen fighting Solomon Grundy]'' They need our help. :'''Shayera Hol''': So does Grundy. Let's try and get there before the League kills him. :'''Amazo''': ''[as the battle turns against the League]'' That scenario seems... unlikely. <hr width="50%"/> :''[John and Shayera meet for the first time since Starcrossed.]'' :'''Green Lantern''': Shayera? :'''Shayera Hol''': ... Hate the beard. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': You let Amazo out of the tower now? :'''Dr. Fate''': I'm curious to see how you would dissuade him. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Lantern''': ''[Seeing Superman coming from water to the bridge]'' Are you OK? :'''Superman''': Do I look OK? <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Doctor Fate|Doctor Fate]]''': The creature knows only rage and seeks only oblivion. Your mace may be the only object on Earth that can grant him peace. :'''[[W: John Stewart (comics)|Green Lantern]]''': What are you saying!? :'''Shayera Hol''': Your favorite movie's [[w: Old Yeller (1957 film)|Old Yeller]]. You know ''exactly'' what he's saying. Is this my destiny? To be a destroyer? To betray yet another friend? :'''Doctor Fate''': It's not that simple. It never was. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The vote to keep Shayera in the league or not is revealed.]'' :'''Green Lantern''': I recused myself because... well... Anyway, Superman broke the tie. :'''Superman''': I believe in second chances, I believe in redemption. But mostly, I believe in my friends. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Lantern''': ''[as several onlookers jeer Shayera]'' Back off! She doesn't have to take that from you people! :'''Shayera Hol''': Yes, I do. But it's okay. I guess I deserve some of it. :''[Her hand is taken]'' :'''Mother''': You saved our lives. God bless you, Chica Halcón. :'''Green Lantern''': You deserve that, too. ===''The Once and Future Thing Part 1: Weird Western Tales'' [1.12]=== :'''Enid Clinton''': David? David! Are you hiding in the garage again? Look at this mess. Come on out, David. I know you're here. :'''David Clinton''': Oh. Hello, dear. I was just cataloging some of my collection. :'''Enid Clinton''': Collection? Pft. Bunch of junk. :'''David Clinton''': It's not junk. This comb belonged to Cleopatra. And this... This is an actual early draft of the Magna Carta. And this... :'''Enid Clinton''': Right. Like you could afford these things on a physics professor's salary. We can't even afford the new car I want. :'''David Clinton''': I-I didn't buy them, Enid. I sort of took them. :'''Enid Clinton''': You robbed a museum? Is that why you're wearing that goofy cat suit? :'''David Clinton''': Well, sort of. Not exactly. Remember last summer when I didn't get tenure? :'''Enid Clinton''': Yeah. They thought you were crazy because you kept insisting you were on the verge of discovering... time travel. :'''David Clinton''': It's my chrono-suit. I've had it working for months. I've been using it to gather treasures for my collection. And you said I was a loser. :'''Enid Clinton''': Let me get this straight. You got a suit that lets you travel in time, and you've been using it to steal historical trash? ''[David looks proud; Enid grabs him abusively]'' You stupid little man! You could go back and steal gold and jewels! You could get stock information from the future! We could be rich! :'''[[w:Chronos (comics)|David Clinton]]''': No! We can't use the suit to do anything that could change history. I'm careful to only take things that wouldn't be missed. :'''Enid Clinton''': Like your ''spine?'' :'''David Clinton''': Enid, please, don't talk to me like that. I love- :'''Enid Clinton''': Mother was right. I should have married Jim Doorman. He's a very successful lawyer. And you ''ARE'' a loser - always were, always will be. :'''David Clinton''': But- :'''Enid Clinton''': YOU WORTHLESS, GOOD-FOR-NOTHING, WRETCHED WASTE OF SPACE! YOU INVENT A TIME MACHINE AND CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING USEFUL TO DO WITH IT?! :'''David Clinton''': ''[is stunned with fright at first, but then turns angry]'' I can think of ONE thing! ''[activates a portal in time]'' I can use it to get away from YOU! :''[He disappears into it, leaving Enid looking scared]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': By all means, you first. :'''Green Lantern''': Diana's carrying a grudge. :'''Batman''': She'll get over it. How 'bout you? Carrying anything? :'''Green Lantern''': What? Shayera? We're cool. We're giving each other our space. I'm seeing Vixen, now. ''[pause]'' I'm very happy. :'''Batman''': Uh-''huh''. :'''Green Lantern''': Anyway, why are we always talking about my love life? What's going on between you and Diana? :'''Batman''': Nothing. She's a respected colleague. :'''Green Lantern''': Uh-''huh''. :'''Batman''': I don't have time to pursue a relationship. My work is too important to allow any distractions. Diana's a remarkable woman, she's a valued friend, she's... ''[realizes]'' ...standing right behind me, isn't she? :'''Wonder Woman''': ''[indeed she is]'' Don't let that stop you. ''[leans over Batman, flirtatiously]'' Keep digging. :'''David Clinton''': [GRUNTING] Aah! :'''Batman''': Who are you? How did you get in the watchtower? :'''David Clinton''': You weren't supposed see me. Stay away! No one's supposed to know I was here. :'''Green Lantern''': Everybody okay? :'''Wonder Woman''': Where are we? :'''Batman''': "Where"? I think the question is "when"? :'''Wild West Robber''': I have to confess. You're about the most colorfully attired individuals I've ever bushwhacked. You circus folk? :'''Wonder Woman''': Not exactly. :'''Wild West Robber''': I don't care what you are, long as you pay the toll. :'''Wonder Woman''': Toll? :'''Wild West Robber''': Welcome to Elkhorn, Oklahoma, ma'am. This here is Tobias Manning territory. :'''Wonder Woman''': You want tribute? Money? :'''Wild West Robber''': Why in particular.. That fat gold chain will do just fine, unless you got somethin' else you want to give... [SCREAMS] :'''Wonder Woman''': Those are the biggest, slowest bullets I've ever seen. :'''Batman''': You're letting them go? :'''Wonder Woman''': Hm? Oh, no. :'''Batman''': I was afraid of this. The Elkhorn Gazette. It's either an amazing forgery, or it's less than a month old. :'''Wonder Woman''': So? :'''Batman''': Look at the date. :'''Batman''': ''[reading]: June, 1879. :'''Green Lantern''': I have mentioned how much I hate time travel. :'''Wonder Woman''': If we don't find our sneak thief, we're stuck here. :'''Green Lantern''': Let's head for the nearest town. See if we can find him. :'''Batman''': We can't go anywhere dressed like this. :'''Wonder Woman''': No. We can't. <hr width="50%"/> :''[after swapping their costumes for cowboy clothes]'' :'''Diana''': These shoes are killing me. :'''Bruce Wayne''': You fight crime wearing high heels. :'''Diana''': High heels that fit. Aren't you going to put those on, John? :'''Green Lantern''': Has the shower been invented yet? Somebody should tell this guy. :'''John Stewart''': Those empty holsters aren't going to scare anybody. You sure you don't want one of these? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Positive. Let's ride. :'''Diana''': Hyah! :'''Tobias Manning''': What's it gonna be, Earl? :'''Earl''': I'm studying it, Tobias. :'''Bat Lash''': My pappy always said, "Faint of heart never filled a flush." :'''Earl''': It ain't your pappy's money. Fold. :'''Tobias Manning''': That leaves you and me. What are you holding, Mr. Lash? :'''Bat Lash''': It'll cost you another $500 to find out. :'''Tobias Manning''': Call. Four kings and an ace. :'''Bat Lash''': Well, now, that's a mite perplexing, seeing as I got four aces and a king. :'''Tobias Manning''': Well, I've got the gun. :'''Bat Lash''': Lot of that going around lately. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bat Lash''': Seems like a waste of a good-sized pot. How 'bout we split it and both walk away? :''[Manning's gun extends six additional barrels]'' :'''Tobias Manning''': How 'bout I keep it all? :'''Bat Lash''': Sounds fair the way you explain it. :'''Diana''': That technology's from the future. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Wait. We don't know how things work here yet. :'''Tobias Manning''': Hang him at dawn. :'''Bat Lash''': Don't I get a trial? :'''Tobias Manning''': Sure. You're guilty. My town, my rules. :'''Bat Lash''': Wait a minute. Can't we talk about this? How 'bout another hand? Double or nothin'! :'''John Stewart''': I think we know how things work here now. :'''Diana''': We have to help that man. :'''Bruce Wayne''': That's not what we're here for. Someone's tampering with history. The stakes are much bigger than the life of one card shark. :'''Diana''': Then it's settled. We'll break him out after sundown. :'''David Clinton''': That's not going to work. I tried it. Yeah, those bars are cheap pig iron, but they're plenty strong enough to hold. At least until morning when they come to hang you. :'''Bat Lash''': Do you mind? I'm trying to plan an escape over here. :'''David Clinton''': How's it going so far? :'''Bat Lash''': I'm working on it. :'''Guard''': Quiet down in there! :'''Bat Lash''': That's just what I was telling him. :'''John Stewart''': I'll get the door. Or that. :'''Bruce Wayne''': I'd get out of town if I were you. :'''Bat Lash''': I'd like to, but my pappy always said, "A man who sticks his head in the sand makes a pretty good target." I got business to conclude before I leave. Bartholomew Aloysius Lash. Friends call me Bat. Bat Lash. :'''John Stewart''': I'm John. These are my friends Diana and, uh... :'''Bruce Wayne''': Bruce. :'''John Stewart''': We're the lawmen, looking to bring a criminal to justices. :'''Diana''': You may have seen him. He's got amazing machines. We think the man who put you in here works for him. :'''David Clinton''': Not quite, Wonder Woman. :'''Diana''': How do you know who I am? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Because he's the man we're looking for. :'''David Clinton''': David Clinton, inventor of the chrono-suit, at your disposal. :'''John Stewart''': You tried to steal Batman's utility belt. :'''David Clinton''': And you chased me, but time tunnels are somewhat counter-intuitive. Even though you were only seconds behind me, I arrived here nearly six months before you did. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Where's your time travel device? :'''David Clinton''': Now, that's a story. As soon as I got here, I was robbed. :'''Diana''': By Tobias Manning. :'''David Clinton''': Yes, ma'am. He took my suit and used it to take over this town. He keeps taking trips to the future and coming back with stolen technology. He keeps me here to teach him how to use the stuff that he can't work out for himself. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bat Lash''': Which I'd suspect is most of it, what with him being so mule-stupid and all. :'''David Clinton''': It's been horrible here. Humiliating. I just want to go home. I'll gladly take my punishment if you help me get back. :'''John Stewart''': How did Tobias take over a whole town with a time machine? :'''David Clinton''': Future tech, like his extra-dimensional six-gun. :'''Bruce Wayne''': And his surveillance cameras. We need to go. Now. :'''Diana''': You're with us. :'''Bat Lash''': That's a healthy gal. :'''John Stewart''': I've got their positions. I'm gonna take 'em down. :'''Diana''': Don't hurt anyone. We could accidentally change history. :'''John Stewart''': Little late for that, don't you think? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Go ahead. Give me an excuse. :'''John Stewart''': Something's happening out there. :'''Bat Lash''': Something's happening, all right. The cavalry's arrived. :'''John Stewart''': Who are you people? :'''Sheriff Ohiyesa Smith''': Sheriff Ohiyesa Smith. :'''El Diablo''': El Diablo, ever at the service of justice. :'''Jonah Hex''': Jonah Hex. Don't have a lot of time for jawing. In these parts, there's an abundance of bad men who need setting straight. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': You're with us. :''[tears the door off David's cell]'' :'''Bat Lash''': That's a healthy gal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Jonah Hex|Jonah Hex]]''': If you all are working for Tobias, there's gonna be difficulty. :'''[[w:Bat Lash|Bat Lash]]''': Easy, Jonah - they're with me. They helped me out of a spot while I was here incognito tryin' to find out more about Tobias. :'''[[w:Pow Wow Smith|Ohiyesa Smith]]''': What have you learned? :'''Bat Lash''': Among other moral failings, the man cheats at poker. :'''Jonah Hex''': ''[scoffs]'' I could have told you that. ''[hacks and spits]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Jonah Hex''': What's your stake in this? :'''John Stewart''': We're lawmen too. :'''Jonah Hex''': From back east? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Sure. <hr width="50%"/> :'''John Stewart''': What's the plan? :'''Jonah Hex''': Plan? Huh. We put 'em in the ground. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Jonah Hex''': Fancy gun belt ya got there. I'm thinking you folks are time travelers. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Where would you get a crazy idea like that? :'''Jonah Hex''': Experience. I've had an interesting life. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce Wayne''': Go ahead... give me an excuse. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ohiyesa Smith''': We're getting close. I wanna warn you, there's some downright unusual activity goin' on hereabouts; don't let it throw you. :'''John Stewart''': Don't worry about it, we've got a lot of experience with unusu- ''[a cowboy riding a pterodactyl flies towards them]'' ...I'm sorry, you were saying? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ohiyesa Smith''': Tobias Manning's always been trouble. I've run him out of town before. Well, he came back, except this time he had... I don't know, magic powers. :'''[[w:El Diablo (comics)|El Diablo]]''': There's no such thing as magic, my friend. It was some sort of trickery. :'''Ohiyesa Smith''': Well, he "tricked" me near to death. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ohiyesa Smith''': The shots are spooking the horses! :''' Bat Lash''': The shots are spooking me! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce Wayne''': Six guns. Six of us. Nobody miss. ===''The Once and Future Thing Part 2: Time, Warped'' [1.13]=== :'''Green Lantern''': Last time I saw you, you were too young to drive. You look good for a man your age! :'''[[w: Static (comics)|Static]]''': The miracles of modern medicine. Sixty-five is the new thirty! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[met by his past self]'' Surprised to see me? :'''Batman''': A little. I'm more surprised that I lived so long. :'''[[W: Terry McGinnis|Terry McGinnis (Batman II):]]''' Batman, Bruce Wayne. Bruce Wayne, Batman. Or have you met? :'''Batman and Bruce''': ''[simultaneously]'' Not now! :'''Batman II''': Great. What did they used to call it? [[w: Stereophonic sound|Stereo?]] <hr width="50%"/> :'''Static''': Shayera was one ''cranky'' pregnant lady. Although to be fair, if I'd laid an egg that size... :'''[[w:Warhawk (Batman Beyond)|Warhawk]]''': ''[to Green Lantern]'' He's ''kidding'', Dad—not that I understand why you think this is anything to joke about. :'''Static''': Because we already won. Think about it: If old Bruce is here, that means he already lived through this as Batman. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Flawless logic...except that I have no memory of ever going to the future and meeting my older self, or of anything else that's happening today. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Chronos (comics)|Chronos]]''': The question arises: who told them where and when our targets would arrive? I mean, I told you, and I only know because I'm the undisputed master of space and time. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Chronos sends the traitorous Joker, Chucko, back to prehistoric times]'' :'''Chronos''': Enjoy your stay. :''[Chronos disappears in his portal; a Tyrannosaurus Rex appears and Chucko draws a lightsaber]'' :'''Chucko''': You think I'm scared?! I'll be running this dump in a few ye-! ''[sees a giant asteroid falling right towards him from the sky]'' ...Aw, phooey. :''[We see a massive explosion on Earth, killing the dinosaurs and Chucko. Chronos returns to Enid and the other Jokerz]'' :'''Chronos''': Do you know what killed the dinosaurs? :''[The Jokerz look around stupidly]'' :'''Bonk''': Uh, no... sir? :'''Chronos''': Well, Chucko does. And unless you wanna find out firsthand, you'll go finish off the Justice League. Skedaddle! Time is money! ''[to Enid]'' Actually, time is the non-spatial continuum in which events occur linearly, usually in the direction of increased entropy. But the clowns seem to relate better to the money thing. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman II''': We need to find Chronos. :'''Static''': How? He could be anywhere. :'''Batman''': Sometimes, the best ways are the old ways. ''[Heads for the door]'' :'''Batman II''': It's not that simple. You don't know your way around here. A lot of things have changed. :'''Batman''': ''[pauses with the door half-open]'' Are criminals still superstitious and cowardly? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Yep. :'''Batman''': Good enough for me. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The League confronts one of the Jokerz.]'' :'''Batman II''': You've got some information we need, Ghoul. :'''Ghoul''': You won't find me the talkative sort. ''[Batman grabs him]'' Hey! :'''Batman''': ''[drags Ghoul over to the edge of the building and dangles him over the edge by his leg]'' Where's Chronos? My arm's getting tired. :'''Bruce Wayne''': I can't believe I was ever that green. ''[grabs Ghoul and throws him across the rooftop before advancing on him slowly]'' ''This'' is how you interrogate someone! :''[Later]'' :'''Ghoul''': ...and we've got 9453 active Jokerz organized into about 200 smaller groups. I don't know where Chronos is! He contacts us! He spends every night in a different one of those old buildings! There's no way of knowing ahead of time where he's gonna be! And that's everything I know! :'''Bruce Wayne''': Everything? :'''Ghoul''': ... I wet my bed until I was fourteen! :'''Bruce Wayne''': Losing my patience... :'''Batman''': ''[pulls Bruce Wayne back with a hand on his shoulder]'' I can't control my friend here much longer. You'd better give us something we can use. :'''Ghoul''': His wife! I know where his wife is! :'''Static''': ''[on the sidelines, quietly]'' Wow. Batman playing ''good'' cop... ''[shakes his head in astonishment]'' :'''Green Lantern''': Everything's relative. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Warhawk''': If we don't beat this guy, it's the end of everything. :'''Batman II''': We've been there before. :'''Warhawk''': Not like this. What are you supposed to do when you have the weight of the world on your shoulders? :'''Green Lantern''': Plant your feet. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Lantern''': I don't get it. Of all the places in the city he could stay, why here? :'''Enid Clinton''': Because a loser with a kingdom is still just a loser! See for yourself! ''[opens the time-displaced Elkhorn town jail, where Chronos is sleeping, curled up and sucking his thumb]'' :'''Chronos:''' ''[wakes up]'' Huh- Uh- Enid? :'''Green Lantern''': Nice on the stealth thing, lady. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Chronos! :'''Chronos:''' Wow. You ''are'' good. ''[turns to Enid]'' Isn't he good? :'''Batman''': Look at what's happening around you! Look at the sky! :''[Above them, existence is becoming a white void]'' :'''Chronos''': ''[with a crazed smile]'' Pretty... :'''Green Lantern''': Stay with us, man! We have a problem here! :'''Chronos''': Right, you're right. This calls for another approach. ''[kisses Enid on the cheek and activates a portal]'' You'll love me next time! :''[Batman and Green Lantern pursue Chronos into the portal.]'' :'''Batman''': Where's he going? There's nothing left! :'''Green Lantern''': Yes, there is - the beginning of time. :'''Batman''': He can reset everything; make himself into a god! :'''Green Lantern''': Only if he gets there first. :''[Ahead of them, the image of a swirling pattern in the palm of a hand appears.]'' :'''Green Lantern''': The Green Lanterns have a legend. No one can see the beginning of time. It's a universal law! :'''Batman''': Write him a ticket! :''[Green Lantern forms manacles that seize Chronos and pull him back.]'' :'''Chronos''': NO! :''[Batman inserts the disk he's written into the time-travel belt.]'' :'''Batman''': Uploading the program... :'''Green Lantern''': Make it fast! Having a little trouble with the brakes! :''[They are suddenly back where they started, in the Watchtower cafeteria.]'' :'''Green Lantern''': ... That all... really happened? :'''Batman''': Think so. :'''Green Lantern''': Then... we won? Everything's back to normal? :'''Wonder Woman''': That's a nasty cut, John. :''[Green Lantern touches the cut he got during their adventure.]'' :'''Batman''': ''[to Wonder Woman]'' You don't remember going on a mission with us today, do you? :'''Wonder Woman''': I just got here. :'''Batman''': ''[in an undertone to Green Lantern]'' The timeline's restored to equilibrium. We're the only two people who remember what happened. :''[Green Lantern notices Shayera, who merely gives him an offhanded look]'' :'''Green Lantern''': That... complicates things. What happened to Chronos? :'''Batman''': ''[amusement in his voice]'' I reprogrammed the belt to make sure that Chronos would never come to exist. :''[Flash to the future, when Chronos first tried to jump though time to escape his wife. Every time he punches the button, he arrives back in the same moment he would have left.]'' ==Season 2== ===''The Cat and the Canary'' [2.1]=== :'''[[w: Black Canary|Black Canary]]''': Black Canary. :'''Green Arrow''': Green Arrow. ''[They shake hands]'' I've noticed you around. :'''Black Canary''': I know. You happy punching the bag or you wanna go a few rounds with me? ''[Green Arrow stares awkwardly]'' I ''am'' talking about sparring. :'''Green Arrow''': That'd be nice too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': Well, at least now I understand why you brought me along. You didn't need Green Arrow - you just needed "green." :'''Black Canary''': It isn't like that! :'''Green Arrow''': No? Then tell me - what's it like? :'''Black Canary''': I thought I could trust you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wildcat''': What is this? :'''Black Canary''': We want to help you, Ted. We want to get you out of here. :'''Wildcat''': Why? Does it look like I have a problem? :'''Black Canary''': You do if you don't see what you've become here! You're entertainment for these people! The rooster in a cockfight! :'''Wildcat''': Fighting is what I ''do'', alright? It was all I was ever good at and I'm ''still'' good at it - I'm Wildcat, the guy who fights! That's what I am. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wildcat''': I'll be there in ten minutes. :'''Black Canary''': Would those be real minutes or Wildcat minutes? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': Uh, there's no place to change. :'''Black Canary''': Right here'll do. :''[they turn their backs to each other and Dinah begins to undress, Ollie sneaks a look over his shoulder.]'' :'''Black Canary''': You drop something? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Roulette''': That's right. Two good guys, fighting each other. And one of them's her. ''[cut to Black Canary, then cut to the audience, where male jaws are dropping]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Black Canary''': ''[To Roulette]'' Then here's the deal: If I win, you ban Wildcat from cage fighting forever. And If I lose, ''[to Wildcat]'' I'll never bother you again. :'''Wildcat''': Forget it! :'''[[w:Roulette (DC Comics)|Roulette]]''': Can't do that, Cat - it's much too good an idea. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Black Canary''': You don’t understand, if we leave here without Wildcat, or worse, if I use my power to force him out, he'll just come back. We have to settle this the only way he understands. :'''Green Arrow''': You're not really gonna fight him... :'''Black Canary''': I have to. And beat him, it's the only way he can stop. :'''Green Arrow''': ''[takes an arrow]'' I thought it was just you pretending again. :'''Black Canary''': What's that supposed to mean? :'''Green Arrow''': Like all the flirting you did at the Watchtower. The way you acted interested. To get me to come with you. :'''Black Canary''': Who said that was pretending? :'''Green Arrow''': Oh no, I know your game now. :'''Black Canary''': It's not always a game. :'''Green Arrow''': No? Come here, look me in the eye and say so. ''[Black Canary comes closer to Green Arrow, who knocks her out with gas from the arrow; Roulette enters the room and sees Black Canary unconscious]'' Don't worry. You'll still get your main event. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Black Canary''': ''[to Green Arrow, who she thinks is dead]'' You know, that was an incredibly stupid thing to do. Not to mention arrogant, pig-headed, macho, and... very very sweet. ''[kisses him]'' I'm sorry... :'''Green Arrow''': ''[opens eyes]'' I'm not. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': Care to join me for a cup of coffee? :'''Black Canary''': Yeah. :'''Green Arrow''': Good. You're buying. :''[As he limps away, Canary smiles.]'' ===''The Ties That Bind'' [2.2]=== :'''Oberon''': Craziest stunt you ever pulled... :'''Mr. Miracle''': That's why we're rehearsing it. :'''Oberon''': Kid's got an answer for everything. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mr. Miracle has just performed a seemingly impossible escape]'' :'''[[w:Big Barda|Big Barda]]''': ''[Relieved; hugs him]'' Scott! I thought you were dead! ''[angry; picks him up]'' You insufferable showboat! I thought you were dead! <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Mister Miracle|Mister Miracle]]''': Hey, where is Oberon? :'''Granny Goodness''': Don't worry, dumpling. He's safe and sound, in Granny's loving care! Of course, if you ever want to see the old runt alive again, you'll do exactly as Granny says. :'''Big Barda''': You demented old gargoyle... <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Flash (comics)|Flash]]''': Could it hurt them to show me just a little respect? :'''[[w:Elongated Man|Elongated Man]]''': Tell me about it, I've been at this longer than you and they still treat me like comic relief. :'''Flash''': Better than being treated like a teenage sidekick! I mean, I was one of the original seven! Tell me the truth, Ralph, do I seem immature to you? :'''Elongated Man''': Not in the least. :''[Widen to show they are playing "Brawlin' Bots"]'' :'''Flash''': Ha! I bopped your block off! :'''Elongated Man''': That-that's not fair, the green guy's arms are longer! :'''Flash''': Are not! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Big Barda''': We don't need these cowards! We can do it on our own! :'''Flash''': Great news, Bertha! You don't have to! :''[Barda seizes him by the throat] :'''Big Barda''': BARDA! :'''Flash''': ''[squeaks]'' Isn't that what I said? <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Virman Vundabar|Virman Vundabar]]''': Kalibak, Kalibak, Kalibak... I have used every vile punishment, every known torture, yet still you refuse to join Virman Vundabar's noble cause. :'''[[w:Kalibak|Kalibak]]''': You're about as noble as my armpit. :'''Virman Vundabar''': Very well, you've forced me to my last resort! ''[reaches into his uniform]'' Cake! ''[Kalibak licks his lips, but then spits at Vundabar]'' Oh, did I say that was my last resort? My mistake, I have one more! ''[activates torture device]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Oberon (comics)|Oberon]]''': You've always been this deluded? Or is it just since senility set in? :'''[[w:Granny Goodness|Granny Goodness]]''': Oh! You wound Granny. But not as much as Granny is going to wound you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Granny Goodness''': Are you enjoying Granny's hospitality? :'''Oberon''': Ah, blow it out your shorts, ya goose-stepping harpy! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash''': Not that I mind the exercise, but couldn't your boob tube have transported us any closer? :'''Big Barda''': It's "boom tube"! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Virman Vundabar''': Ah, this should be a magnificent show, even if I already know the ending. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Big Barda is fighting the robot guards]'' :'''Flash''': Robots! I ''love'' smashing robots! :'''Mr. Miracle''': No! You've got something more important to do. Search this place and find Kalibak. :'''Flash''': Will you two be all - ''[robot head flies past]'' Okay! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kalibak''': Well, if it isn't my treacherous stepbrother. And his ''cow.'' :'''Big Barda''': Arrogant worm! How dare you -! ''[swings at him]'' :'''Flash''': ''Knock it off!'' What are you guys, twelve? I can't believe ''I'm'' the mature one here. :'''Mr. Miracle''': He's right. We've got bigger problems. :'''Virman Vundabar''': Indeed you do, fools! Much bigger! And, oh, how I will delight in watching you fail! ''[Barda blasts the monitor]'' [[w:Arte Johnson|Very interesting...but futile]]. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kalibak''': Saved by a female! :'''Flash''': ''[To Big Barda]'' Guess you'd better drop him. ''[Big Barda starts to drop him]'' ''KIDDING!'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Scott Free is trapped in a room rapidly filling with water]'' :'''Virman Vundabar''': Enjoying your bath, Mr. Miracle? Here at Casa de Vundabar, we provide everything, including your very last breath! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kalibak''': Vundabar's not done with us yet! :''[An entire army of guard robots suddenly attack]'' :'''Flash''': Hope you're happy! :'''Kalibak''': Indeed I am! :''[Big Barda and Kalibak smash the guards, Miracle and Flash hang back]'' :'''Flash''': Shouldn't we...? :'''Mr. Miracle''': And spoil their fun? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Martian Manhunter''': ''[to Granny Goodness]'' Try not to think about where you've got Oberon hidden. - ''[to Flash]'' Darkseid's old palace. I'll guide you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mr. Miracle''': Ah, it's good to see you, old friend! :'''Oberon''': It's good to see me, too! :'''Big Barda''': All the trouble we had to go through because of you. :'''Oberon''': All legs, and no heart. :'''Big Barda''': You're just too far away to hear it. :''[kneels and hugs him]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[as Scott and his party depart Apokolips]'' :'''Granny Goodness''': How? Granny never failed with any of them. How did she fail with him? :'''Big Barda''': ''[comes back]'' Oh, one last thing... :''[She delivers a right cross to Granny's jaw, knocking her cold.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Martian Manhunter''': Flash- :'''Flash''': Yeah, I know, I know, I went behind your back! But look how everything turned out! We boom back here for you, the switch went off perfectly, and now we've got Kalibak locked up on Earth where neither side can use him! :'''Martian Manhunter''': You don't- :'''Flash''': So, yeah! I did go behind your back, but you know what? I'd do it again! What do you say to that, big guy? :'''Martian Manhunter''': I was only going to ask if you wanted to play Brawlin' Bots. ''[smiles]'' :'''Flash''': ...Dibs on the green one! ''[zooms away]'' :'''Martian Manhunter''': I wanted the green one... ===''The Doomsday Sanction'' [2.3]=== :'''Anchorman''': In the Caribbean, the San Baquero volcano went active during the night, sending a cloud of ash miles into the air. Geologists predict a devastating eruption sometime within the week. Sources report the Justice League has offered to help the Baqueran authorities with the evacuation. :'''Amanda Waller''': Yeah, have the car ready in 20 minutes and get all the division heads in for the meeting an hour early. :'''Anchorman''': Closer to home, the political world is still reeling from Lex Luthor's surprise announcement of his candidacy for President of the United States. Overnight polling among likely voters shows Luthor to be within striking distance of both major party candidates. :'''Batman''': Get dressed. It's time we talked. <hr width="50%"/> :''[As he intercepts her on her bath]'' :'''Batman''': Amanda Waller. Born in St. Louis, Rhodes scholar, PhD in Political Science. Served in Intelligence, under three administrations. Disappeared from public life, four years ago. :'''Amanda Waller''': ''[deadpan]'' Am I supposed to be impressed? Maybe I should rattle off ''[[W:Bruce Wayne|your]]'' resume now? Y'know, I ''could'' blow the whistle on you any time I want... :'''Batman''': Fine, why don't we step into the light ''together''? I'm sure the American people will be just as interested in ''your'' activities as mine - Secret weapons, illegal cloning experiments, bypassing Congress... :'''Amanda Waller''': What do you want!? :'''Batman''': I want to know what you think you're doing. :'''Amanda Waller''': Did Superman ever mention that to get [[W:Lex Luthor|Luthor's]] pardon, he had to tell us about your parallel universe adventure? ''All about it?'' We started to wonder what would happen if you took the same action that the Justice Lords did, so I had my people run some computer simulations. If the Justice League ever went rogue, ''what do you think would be the result''? :'''Batman''': That's moot. :'''Amanda Waller''': ''[Dryly]'' Humor me. In every single scenario, you beat us. Badly. But that was before [[W:Project Cadmus (DC Comics)|Cadmus.]] Now we have the technology to defend ourselves. :'''Batman''': ''[Threatening]'' Whatever you ''think'' you're doing, if you present a threat to the world, the Justice League will take you down... :'''Amanda Waller''': ''[Angry]'' If ''we'' present a threat!? You got a ''[[W:Watchtower (DC Comics)|spaceship]]'' floating over our heads with a laser weapon pointing ''down''! In another dimension, seven of you overthrew the government and assassinated the President! ''We're'' the good guys, protecting our country from a very real threat: ''you''. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash''': How long is this gonna take? I thought we had an island to evacuate. :'''Wonder Woman''': First team's already down there. We'll join them as soon as we're done. I want to hear what you learned. :'''Batman''': Project Cadmus is in the business of developing weapons, specifically to fight us. :'''Martian Manhunter''': They're worried we've grown too powerful, and they want to even the odds. :'''Batman''': Exactly. They were behind that business with the Ultimen and the Supergirl clone. :'''Dr. Emil Hamilton''': Galatea will be fully recovered soon and ready to return to active duty. :'''Amanda Waller''': And the doomsday weapon? :'''Dr. Emil Hamilton''': Considering the damage done to its frontal lobe, the cellular regeneration has been remarkable. Its EEG's are still flat. Nonetheless, we're monitoring it closely. :'''Amanda Waller''': Keep me updated. Tala, have you developed a plan to retrieve the armor? :'''Tala''': We've come up with some promising scenarios, but they're going to require certain additional resources. :'''Amanda Waller''': Fine. See me after. :'''Flash''': What are they so worried about? We'd never try to take over like that. :'''Batman''': The Justice Lords did in their dimension. What's to stop us? :'''Flash''': Me! Those guys went overboard because their Flash died. So as long as you all focus on keeping me alive, that'll never happen here. :'''Martian Manhunter''': Let's put a pin in that theory to explore another time. :'''Superman''': I've seen the federal budget. There's no funding for a Project Cadmus. Where's the money coming from? :'''Martian Manhunter''': We're all thinking the same thing. :'''Wonder Woman''': Luthor. :'''Batman''': The obvious suspect. He funded General Hardcastle's rogue operations. But if he's bankrolling Cadmus, he's doing an excellent job of covering his tracks. I've got The Question looking into it, and-- :'''Wonder Woman, Superman, Hawkgirl, Green Lantern, Flash, and Martian Manhunter''': Awwwww! :'''Flash''': Not that kook! :'''Batman''': I admit he's wound a bit too tightly, but if anyone can find a hidden link from Luthor to Cadmus, he's the man. In the meantime, I'll be following the trail from Waller's end. :'''Amanda Waller''': And Dr. Milo, splicing together human and animal DNA, how's that going? :'''Dr. Milo''': I know what you're thinking, but my experiments are actually quite close to paying off. Dr. Langston's research has proven very useful. I just need a little more time, and I promise I'll have something concrete to show you. :'''Amanda Waller''': Concrete? Like, say, the super-powered wart hog that tore up your lab last week? Professor Hamilton's already showed me the remains. :'''Dr. Milo''': That... That was just a prototype. :'''Amanda Waller''': Dr. Milo, I'm not known for my sense of humor, but I know a sick joke when I see one. In light of the continuing lack of results from your work, I'm pulling your funding. In accordance with the Technological Clearances Act, we'll set you up in a new non-vital capacity and confiscate your classified research. As you're well aware, any public discussion of Cadmus or its work will result in your immediate sanction. And rest assured, doctor, our people will be keeping... You can go now. :'''Dr. Milo''': I know you're faking. The lobotomized portion of your brain has completely regrown. Do you remember anything from before? That's all right. I'll show you. You've been used, and you deserve to know. You see, you were created from a sample of Superman's genetic material. But your DNA was altered to make you his superior. And then you were trained to hate him. You were conditioned, humiliated, repeatedly injured... but not by Superman. By Amanda Waller and Professor Emil Hamilton. When you became uncontrollable, they tried to dispose of you. They put you in a rocket and shot you into space. But you were too strong. Your struggles threw the rocket off course... and it came back to Earth. When you landed, you fought a different Superman, one from a parallel universe. He lobotomized you. :'''Doomsday''': Superman. :'''Dr. Milo''': Yes. Good. But he isn't your enemy. Your hatred of him was manufactured. At every turn, Waller and Hamilton abused and betrayed you just as they betrayed me. Don't we both deserve retribution? :'''Doomsday''': Yes. Release me. :'''Dr. Milo''': And you'll solve both our problems? :'''Doomsday''': Yes. :'''Dr. Milo''': What are you...? :'''Doomsday''': Your problem's solved. Now for Superman. :'''Security Guard''': No! :'''Amanda Waller''': What's going on? :'''Security Guard''': Ma'am, Doomsday's escaped. :'''Amanda Waller''': Milo. I'll have his hide for this. :'''Security Guard''': Doomsday beat you to it, ma'am. :'''Flash''': Our radios are barely working. I'm spending half my time running messages around. :'''Wonder Woman''': It's the electromagnetic interference from the volcano. Superman, how's it going in there? Can you read me any better than before? :'''Superman''': You're dropping in and out. It depends on where I am. I'm trying to ease the pressure on the volcano. If I can dig some tunnels off the main core, maybe I can stop the eruption before it starts. :'''Wonder Woman''': When will you be able to tell if it's working? :'''Superman''': Hard to say. I could just as easily set it off, so I have to go slow. Just get everyone clear as soon as you can. :'''Doomsday''': Superman. I'm here to kill you. Is this a bad time? I remember those eyes. Let's see you do that again. :'''Superman''': I know who you are, but I'm not the one who hurt you. :'''Doomsday''': Superman is Superman, and I will kill you. :'''Superman''': Why? :'''Doomsday''': It's what I am. I don't care why. :'''Wade Eiling''': GPS puts the stolen pod on San Baquero. Doomsday went right back after Superman. I love a well-conditioned soldier. :'''Amanda Waller''': And what will your soldier do after he's killed Superman? We can't leave him loose. For all we know, he'll try to kill everyone on the planet. He has to be stopped before he leaves that island. :'''Wade Eiling''': But how am I supposed to...? :'''Amanda Waller''': I don't care! Get it done! :'''Wade Eiling''': This is Eiling. Authorization: firewall. Target locked. Package is ready. :'''Henchmann''': Deliver the package. :'''Wonder Woman''': Superman, give me an update. :'''Superman''': Something's come up. Just keep doing what you're doing. :'''Wonder Woman''': Where are you? I'll come help. :'''Superman''': No. Stay with the evacuation. This isn't important. Getting those people to safety is. :'''Wonder Woman''': Move it out. :'''Batman''': Another transport just landed on the mainland. They're over half done. :'''Martian Manhunter''': I don't believe it. It's a nuclear missile headed straight for San Baquero. :'''Batman''': And from the spectrograph, its warhead's lined with kryptonite. Can we hit it from up here? :'''Martian Manhunter''': No. It's moving too fast. But who fired it? :'''Amanda Waller''': Yes, Mr. President? :'''Batman''': Call off the missile. :'''Amanda Waller''': How did you get this number...? :'''Batman''': The missile headed for San Baquero. If anyone dies on that island today, I'm coming for you. :'''Amanda Waller''': You do what you have to, and so will I. Eiling! :'''Batman''': She didn't know. :'''Martian Manhunter''': Captain Atom's on his way from California. :'''Batman''': His top speed's under Mach 2. He'll never get there in time. :'''Vibe''': Oh...! :'''Booster Gold''': Hey! :'''Batman''': Clear the hangar! Now! :'''Watchtower computer''': Initiating emergency drop in three, two, one. :'''Martian Manhunter''': You're going too fast. :'''Batman''': If I let the Earth's gravity accelerate me, I should reach intercept in two minutes. :'''Martian Manhunter''': If you don't burn up on entry. :'''Amanda Waller''': What were you thinking? You're gonna kill Superman and everyone else on the island! :'''Wade Eiling''': We have to sanction Doomsday. We were gonna get to Superman somewhere down the line, and we've been trying to stop drug traffic from San Baquero for years. The way I see it: three birds, one stone. :'''Amanda Waller''': Call it off. :'''Wade Eiling''': Anti-abort safeties have already engaged. I couldn't stop it now if I wanted to. :'''Martian Manhunter''': Wonder Woman, can you hear me? There's a missile with a kryptonite warhead heading for your position. :'''Wonder Woman''': Say again. :'''Martian Manhunter''': Repeat, there's a kryptonite missile heading your way. Can you read me? :'''Wonder Woman''': Flash, get everyone as far away as you can. I'm going back for Superman. :'''Flash''': But... :'''Wonder Woman''': Do it now! :'''Batman''': The missile's armed with magnetic repulsers. :'''Martian Manhunter''': The only way past that is with the javelin itself. You could give the hull an opposing charge. :'''Batman''': Understood. :'''Martian Manhunter''': Batman? Batman, come in. :''[Superman attempts to lobotomize Doomsday with heat vision]'': :'''Doomsday''': Ah, ah, ah. Can't be beat me the same way twice! :'''Superman''': Then I guess I'll need a bigger fire! :''[Superman tosses Doomsday into the volcano.]'' :'''Superman''': Did Cadmus create you? J'onn? :'''Martian Manhunter''': I can't read his mind. His brain's been altered to resist me. :'''Superman''': You don't owe anything to them. They manipulated you and then tried to kill you. :'''Doomsday''': So I keep hearing. :'''Superman''': From who? :'''Doomsday''': All you need to know is that I will get free, and I will kill you. :'''Superman''': If that's your final word. I only use this as a last resort. It's gonna send you to another dimension. You won't be hurt, but you also won't hurt anyone else again. :'''Doomsday''': ''[before being sent to the Phantom Zone, encased in molten rock]'' You'll wish you'd killed me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': What's to stop us? :'''Flash''': Me! Those guys went overboard because their Flash died. So as long as you all focus on keeping me alive, that'll never happen here. :''[Martian Manhunter, Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, and Hawkgirl stare at him.]'' :'''Martian Manhunter''': Let's put a pin in that theory to explore another time. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I've got the Question looking into it and- :'''Flash''': Not that kook! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amanda Waller''': Doctor Milo, I'm not known for my sense of humor, but I know a sick joke when I see one. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Milo''': ''[Seeing Doomsday approach him]'' What are you...? :'''Doomsday''': Your problem solved. :''[Doomsday kills Milo while he screams]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amanda Waller''': [[W:Doctor Achilles Milo|Milo]]! I'll have his hide for this. :'''Security Guard''': [[W:Doomsday (comics)|Doomsday]] beat you to it, ma'am. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Doomsday''': Superman. I'm here to kill you. Is this a bad time? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': I know who you are. But I'm not the one who hurt you. :'''Doomsday''': Superman is Superman. And I will kill you. :'''Superman''': Why? :'''Doomsday''': It's what I am; I don't care why. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Superman and Wonder Woman step into the infirmary to visit Batman, recovering after stopping the San Baquero missile]'' :'''Wonder Woman''': ''[Joking]'' You'll do anything to avoid monitor duty... :'''Batman''': Sent him ''[Doomsday]'' off to the [[W: Phantom Zone (DC Comics)|Phantom Zone,]] didn't you? :'''Superman''': He left us no choice. :'''Batman''': Spoken like a true Justice Lord... :'''Superman''': ''[Offended]'' What!? Come on! :'''Batman''': Passing judgment like gods... With our super-powered army and our orbiting death ray... Cadmus is right to be scared - ''the human race wouldn't stand a chance...'' :'''Superman''': We'd never go there! It isn't in our nature and nothing can change that! :'''Batman''': ''Nothing?'' What if Luthor does become President, like he did in their world? ''What would stop you from doing what that Superman did!?'' :'''Superman''': There's always that Kryptonite you carry around... :'''Batman''': You don't get to joke! Not today! ''[Points at him]'' I just took a bullet for you! :'''Superman''': I'm sorry, Bruce. You're right. But you don't have to worry about the Justice League. Trust me. You know me. :'''Batman''': Yeah, I do. :'''Superman''': Get some rest. ===''Task Force X'' [2.4]=== :'''[[w:Deadshot|Deadshot]]''': ''[as his handcuffs are unlocked]'' What if I don't want to go with him? :'''[[w:Rick Flagg|Colonel Rick Flagg]]''': Then you can go and take your [[w:Electric_chair|seat]], tough guy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Floyd Lawton''': So what do I call you? :'''Colonel Rick Flagg''': The name' s Flagg. Colonel Flagg. :'''Floyd Lawton''': Colonel... Flagg? :'''Floyd Lawton''': You're kidding, right? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Deadshot''': What do you want, exactly? :'''Rick Flagg''': You're gonna do something patriotic, convict. :'''Deadshot''': Groovy. Who do I kill? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Deadshot''': An expert with nothing to lose... this must be some nasty business. :'''Rick Flagg''': A little B-and-E, a little grand larceny. No big deal. :'''Deadshot''': Right. What's the target? ''[Flagg hands him a dossier]'' :'''Colonel Rick Flagg''': Justice League headquarters. :'''Deadshot''': Always did want to die for my country. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Captain Boomerang|Captain Boomerang]]''': Ah, so we'll make our way there, pretty as you please, then maybe a picnic lunch and the Justice League will give us a ride home. We may as well be storming Heaven's Gate itself. :'''[[w:Clock King|Clock King]]''': Unlike Heaven, this tower has a duty roster. One I've studied thoroughly. I've scheduled your visit for when they're at their weakest. :'''Captain Boomerang''': Define "weakest", please. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rick Flagg''': Okay, Plastique, you're setting the charge, and Superman walks in the room. :'''[[w:Plastique (comics)|Plastique]]''': You said he wouldn't be there! :'''Colonel Rick Flagg''': Last minute change in the duty roster, Superman's got the drop on you - what do you do? :'''Plastique''': Before or after I change my [[w:Diaper|Diaper]]? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Deadshot''': I thought he was gonna wet himself when you mentioned the Martian. He couldn't let us through fast enough. :'''Plastique''': That was nothing. I almost lost it when this bonehead set off the metal detector. :'''Captain Boomerang''': Seventy-five cents is seventy-five cents. I'm supposed to throw away money? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Task Force X readies their weapons in an elevator.]'' :'''Deadshot''': ''[addressing Colonel Flag]'' And you? Going in unarmed? :'''Captain Boomerang''': This one don't need no weapons. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Deadshot and Plastique board the elevator; Green Lantern catches the door with his ring]'' :'''Green Lantern''': Hey. :'''Deadshot''': How ya doin'. :''[Brief silence; Deadshot gives Plastique a sidelong glance]'' :'''Deadshot''': Uh, excuse me, Mr. Lantern? For six weeks now, my wife's been after me for Hawkgirl's autograph; you wouldn't know where she's at today, would you? :'''Green Lantern''': ''[annoyed]'' Haven't seen her. ''[gets off elevator]'' :'''Deadshot''': Okay, thanks anyway. :'''Plastique''': You are a ''very'' bad boy. :'''Deadshot''': Tell me you didn't love it. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Task Force X is attempting to escape the Watchtower; they burst onto the transport deck]'' :'''Martian Manhunter''': Ask yourselves - is being in here with me what you truly desire? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Deadshot''': C'est la vie. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amanda Waller''': You really think we can do something with this? :'''Tala''': An invulnerable juggernaut forged by the gods? Oh yes, Ms. Waller, most definitely. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Deadshot''': Most fun I've had since my last root canal. Well gang, guess I'll be saying- :''[Attacked by Colonel Flagg]'' :'''Colonel Rick Flagg''': Dream on, dirtbag. Five years. You sign up for missions like this for five years. If you survive, then you go free. You don't like it, there's a nice warm seat waiting for you back at Belle Reve Correctional. :'''Deadshot''': Tell me, Colonel - what's Waller got on you? :'''Colonel Rick Flagg''': Not a thing. Some of us don't have to be blackmailed into serving their country. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Lantern''': How did you know Vance was the inside man? :'''Martian Manunter''': He was the only one on the tower whose mind I couldn't read. Cadmus must have supplied him with a sophisticated method of masking his thoughts. :'''Green Lantern''': So, what do we do with him now? :'''Martian Manhunter''': I'd like to go in there and wipe clean the last two years of his memory. :'''Green Lantern''': Whoa. That's a little harsh, don't you think? :'''Martian Manhunter''': He's a liability. :'''Green Lantern''': I'm sure he's spilled everything he knows to Cadmus. :'''Martian Manhunter''': Don't you understand? We can't trust him. :'''Green Lantern''': J'onn... we can't trust anyone now. :'''Plastique''': Cool it, Martian. Back off, freak show, or the meat puppet eats it. :'''Colonel Rick Flagg''': Come here. Let's go, girl. :'''Plastique''': I've set this for 30 seconds. Plenty of time for you to disarm. Or not, as the case may be. :'''Captain Atom''': Not very ladylike behavior, ma'am. :'''Colonel Rick Flagg''': Unh! Plastique! :'''Plastique''': Ah! :'''Deadshoot''': C'est la vie. :'''Martian Manhunter''': Tend to her. They thought of everything. :'''Amanda Waller''': You really think we can do something with this? :'''Tala''': An invulnerable juggernaut forged by the gods? Oh, yes, Miss Waller, most definitely. :'''Amanda Waller''': I heard we lost Plastique. :'''Colonel Rick Flagg''': Yes, ma'am. You'll have my full report by 0800. :'''Amanda Waller''': Right. That'll be all. Rick, you're a good soldier. Your father would be proud. :'''Rick Flagg''': Ma'am. ===''The Balance'' [2.5]=== :'''Felix Faust''': That's never going to work. When did the Greeks ever use precipitate of bismuth in their potions? :'''Tala''': The Greeks didn't. But I'm making a counter-potion, remember? :'''[[w:Felix Faust|Felix Faust]]''': Tala, you've come a long way since my untimely demise. But the student, however gifted, still has much to learn from the teacher. :'''Tala''': And I'm supposed to take advice from you, when without my spell, your spirit would have been — poof! — lost on the winds. :'''Felix Faust''': Yes. So very kind of you to trap me in this mirror for all eternity. :'''Tala''': Beats the alternative. :'''Felix Faust''': True enough. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tala''': This is really bad, isn't it? :'''Felix Faust''': You have no idea. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash''': I had dinner with two women at the same time. 'Cause I'm a stud. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Etrigan''': ''[screaming, shifting between demon and human forms]'' The gates of Tartarus swing both ways! AARGH! The balance tilts towards chaos! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zatanna''': ''[speaking backwards]'' Lleh fo enorht eht no stis tsuaf! Tsol si lla! ''["All is lost! Faust sits on the throne of Hell!"]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': Flash! :'''Hermes''': No, it's the original speedster. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hermes''': I've got something for you, here, it's pretty important. Zeus paid for overnight service. Here it is. ''[Hands her a scroll]'' :'''Wonder Woman''':''[reading]'' "For a good time, call Podenemus"...? :'''Hermes''': ''[Grabs the scroll]'' Wha-uh-, heh-heh... Wrong scroll. I think I got a shot, it's her cell number... Here we go. ''[reads]'' "By decree of Zeus, father of Olympus, it is so ordered: Diana of Themyscira will travel to Tartarus and set right that what has been disturbed." :'''Wonder Woman''': He's telling me to go to... :'''Hermes''': Basically. Felix Faust is on the loose again. :'''Wonder Woman''': Felix Faust is dead. :'''Hermes''': Yes, and pretty upset about it, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hermes''': The Amazons did their best to stop him. They're good but they were out of their weight class. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hermes''': You must defeat Faust and restore Hades to the throne of Tartarus. :'''Wonder Woman''': So far as I'm concerned they deserve each other! Why should I care about this? :'''Hermes''': You mean, other than the direct-order-from-the-gods thing? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': ''[walking in on Wonder Woman taking her mace]'' We become pals while I wasn't looking? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Demons are attacking Shayera; one grabs her wing but suddenly backs away]'' :'''Shayera Hol''': ''[spreads her wings]'' That's right, I'm an angel! You can mess with me if you want to... ''[points upward]'' But I don't think you wanna mess with the boss! ''[Demons retreat]'' If we're lucky, they'll all be that dumb. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': Where's Faust? :'''[[w:Abnegazar|Abnegazar]]''': Let me think... oh, yeah! He's over there! No, wait! He's over there! No, there! :'''Shayera Hol''': One more answer, and it better be the right one. :'''Abnegazar''': Or what? You'll kill me? Gosh, I might end up suffering eternal torment as punishment for my sins! Oh, wait - I ALREADY AM! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Wonder Woman has used her lasso to compel a demon to reveal Felix Faust's location]'' :'''Shayera Hol''': How did you do that? :'''Wonder Woman''': Magic lasso. Who knew? :'''Shayera Hol''': If you don't want to tell me, fine. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Wonder Woman has a demon tied up with her lasso.]'' :'''Shayera Hol''': I've got one more question: is there anything else we should know? :'''Abnegazar''': Yeah. You really, really shouldn't go in there. Now, could you please take this rope off of me? I'm a demon! The truth hurts. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Faust is in Hades' library]'' :'''[[w:Felix Faust|Felix Faust]]''': Now I'm in heaven...! Figuratively speaking. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': We're revoking your library card. :'''Felix Faust''': Oh, you want to fight. Not in the mood. ''[Sends them away with a spell, then goes back to his book]'' Darn it, lost my place. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': You okay? :'''Shayera Hol''': Yeah. Didn't think I'd need a jacket where we were going. Aren't you cold in that outfit? :'''Wonder Woman''': Not really. :'''Shayera Hol''': Of course not. The princess doesn't get cold. The princess doesn't even sweat in the fire pits of Tartarus. :'''Wonder Woman''': I do too sweat. :'''Shayera Hol''': Please, you glow. I wouldn't be surprised if you never have to - :''[In the distance, Hades screams]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': Come on. We're putting you back on the throne. :'''Hades''': Or die trying? :'''Shayera Hol''': Not in the plan. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Wonder Woman attacks Faust with Shayera's mace.]'' :'''Wonder Woman''': I hit a lot harder than she does. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Wonder Woman helps Shayera to her feet.]'' :'''Shayera Hol''': You're all sweaty. :'''Wonder Woman''': Told you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hades''': ''[Surveying a burning library]'' Ah well, who has time to read these days? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': What about us? Are we good? :'''Shayera Hol''': Like oil and vinegar. We go together, but we don't mix. :'''Wonder Woman''': Works for me. ===''Double Date'' [2.6]=== :'''Huntress''': Steven Mandragora. Been a while. I've changed some since we met last. But you haven't changed. All these years you've been building your empire with thievery and murder. But it ends tonight. No. :'''Martian Manhunter''': Huntress! :'''Huntress''': John, I... :'''Martian Manhunter''': You were warned. You were told to stay away from Mandragora. You have violated my direct orders. You've crossed the line. :'''Huntress''': You've been watching me? :'''Martian Manhunter''': Given what occurred tonight, I'd say it was a wise precaution. :'''Huntress''': You know what Mandragora did. And I almost had him. He should have been there, but someone tipped him. You did it. :'''Martian Manhunter''': I had Mandragora moved, yes. For his own protection. And yours. :'''Huntress''': All right, J'onn, so I get some Justice League demerits. Fine. Just spare me the lecture. I can find him without your help. :'''Martian Manhunter''': You misunderstand. Tonight was a test, and you failed. Pack your things, Huntress. You're out. You'll need to turn in your identification card immediately. :'''Huntress''': Fine. I hope you choke on it. :'''Question''': Oh, Cadmus, Cadmus, wherefore art thou, Cadmus? I know there's a connection. Don't think I won't find it. :'''Huntress''': You're the League's data guy, the conspiracy buff, right? Wildcat says you're a nutjob. :'''Question''': Funny, he says the same thing about you. :'''Huntress''': He's right. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Huntress''': You must be the ugliest guy of all time, Question, hiding your face like that. :'''Question''': Go away. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Huntress''': Wow. I had no idea that the Girl Scouts were responsible for the crop circle phenomenon. :'''Question''': Few people do. Few even think to ask the question. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Huntress''': Do you know what "apophenia" is? :'''Question''': Apophenia, noun. The tendency to see connections where none exists. Did you come here just to make fun of my work? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Steven Mandragora''': Speaking of squealing, Black Canary, I notice you can't take your eyes off of me. One can hardly blame you. Perhaps after Agent Faraday helps absolve me of my alleged crimes, I could put you in a cage and have you sing for me. :'''Green Arrow''': Listen, you giant tub of...! :'''Agent Faraday''': Green Arrow, may I remind you that you're here strictly in a security capacity? :'''Steven Mandragora''': Yes, why don't you go and fetch me another four platters of oysters like a good little leprechaun? I'm sure your girlfriend and I will have much to discuss while you're gone. I like my oysters sweet, by the way. Sweet and juicy. :'''Black Canary''': Let him talk, Arrow. With all the enemies he's made, he never knows if he's eating his last meal. :''[Mandragora laughs heartily]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Huntress''': Oh, baby doll. And just for the record, I usually prefer my dates to have a face. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Black Canary''': Faraday's right, Arrow. Relax, nothing this guy can say is gonna affect me one way or the other. :'''Steven Mandragora''': Is that right? Well then, perhaps you won't mind explaining how a lovely young lady like you ends up with a nobody like him. Were all the real men in the Justice League already taken? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Green Arrow and Black Canary had been kicked out of Mandragora's house after she punched him]'' :'''Black Canary''': I hope you're proud of yourself. Now we have to do guard duty from outside. :'''Green Arrow''': Hope ''I'm'' proud of myself? ''You're'' the one that punched him! :'''Black Canary''': Yeah, but—OW! It was like punching a brick wall, there's no fat on that man. :''[Green Arrow tries to examine her hand, but she flinches and pulls away]'' :'''Green Arrow''': Will you let me look? ''[Examining Black Canary's hand]'' I think you'll live to punch suspects another day, pretty bird. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': Why are you doing this, Question? :'''Question''': You wouldn't believe me if I told you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': I strongly advise you to stay down. These impact arrows are non-lethal, but they hurt... a lot. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': Alright you two, stay here. Don't make me sic Black Canary on you - you've only seen her nice side so far. :''[Green Arrow leaves with Black Canary; Huntress punches Question's shoulder.]'' :'''Question''': Ow! What was that for? :'''[[w:Huntress (comics)|Huntress]]''': All that crazy mystery man mojo, and you couldn't even pick up a clue without being seen? :'''Question''': The key wasn't the clue. The key was mine. Now, this list of container ship arrivals I palmed when they were yelling at you: ''that's'' the clue. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Black Canary''': I don't get it. Why aren't we on our way to the train station? :'''Green Arrow''': Shh. ''[Huntress and Question run out of the house]'' Because I know when I'm being conned. :'''Black Canary''': You're cute when you're an insufferable smarty-pants. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Huntress''': You're even smarter than they say. :'''Question''': Smart enough to realize you don't know jack about Cadmus. :'''Huntress''': ...I needed your help. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Franco Bertinelli''': Get behind me, Helena. It'll be all right... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Question''': But you saw it all, Helena. Steven Mandragora killed your parents while you watched helplessly. Isn't that what happened? :'''Huntress''': ''[wipes away a tear]'' If you knew all that, then you probably know what I'm gonna do to Mandragora when I catch him. So why help me? :'''Question''': That... is the question. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Question''': Somebody's following us. :'''Huntress''': Lose them! :'''Question''': Like airline luggage. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': You're not supposed to drive when you're angry! :'''Black Canary''': They're heading towards the waterfront. Hang on! :'''Green Arrow''': It's so funny you think you have to tell me that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Black Canary''': ''[through the com-link]'' Stop the car, Question. Pull over! :'''Question''': Stop following us, Canary. :'''Huntress''': Is that her? Give me that! ''[plucks com-link from Question's ear]'' :'''Question''': Hey! :'''Huntress''': ''[speaks through the com-link]'' You want a piece of me, blondie? Bring it! ''[steps on the accelerator]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Question jumps his car over a ramp and onto the train tracks]'' :'''Green Arrow''': This is so unnecessary... :''[Canary jumps her bike to follow them]'' :'''Green Arrow''': Are we dead yet? :'''Black Canary''': No. :'''Green Arrow''': ARE WE DEAD YET? :'''Black Canary''': Look, if we die, I promise I'll let you know. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Question is driving through a railroad tunnel]'' :'''Huntress''': Train...! :'''Question''': I see it. :'''Huntress''': ''TRAIN!'' :'''Question''': I ''see'' it! <hr width="50%"/> :''[J'onn had just teleported Black Canary and Green Arrow out of the train's path and into the sea, leaving behind Canary's motorcycle]'' :'''Black Canary''': I can't believe you! ''[Hits Green Arrow]'' I rebuilt that bike by hand! :'''Green Arrow''': You're absolutely right. I'm sorry I saved our lives. :'''Black Canary''': Rrrrgh! ''[Swims away]'' :'''Green Arrow''': And J'onn thinks Huntress is the unstable one. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Steven Mandragora''': Get behind me, Edgar. It will be all right... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Huntress''': You knew all along that kid was gonna be on that freighter. :'''Question''': I do my homework. :'''Huntress''': Then why go to all the the trouble to help? Why risk your life for me? :'''Question''': ''[embarrassed]'' Because I... like you. :''[Huntress gives Question a long kiss, then pulls him away by his collar]'' :'''Question''': Where are we going? :'''Huntress''': Don't ask so many questions. :'''Black Canary''': ''[to Green Arrow]'' I'm sorry, but... ew. ===''Clash'' [2.7]=== :'''Batman''': J'onn! We're in trouble! :'''Martian Manhunter''': Are you asking for help? :'''Batman''': Yes! :'''Martian Manhunter''': You never ask for help. :'''Batman''': Just get us some reinforcements! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman and Superman are conversing while battling supervillains.]''. :'''Batman''': You were a little hard on the Boy Scout, don't you think? :'''Superman''': I thought ''I'' was the Boy Scout? :'''Batman''': I did too, 'til I met [[w:Captain Marvel (DC Comics)|Captain Marvel]]. ''[at this point, the villains all lie defeated around them]'' What did these guys want, anyway? :'''Superman''': To take over the world. Or rob banks, I forget. But back to Captain Marvel: why are you... why is ''everyone'' defending him? :'''Batman''': We like him. He's... sunny. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': When you joined this team, you became something more than just a hero. :'''Captain Marvel''': I know that, sir, but... :'''Superman''': You became a symbol. A symbol that represents all of us. :'''Captain Marvel''': Yes, sir. :'''Superman''': We don't play favorites, we don't sell deodorant on television, and we don't get involved in politics. :'''Captain Marvel''': Yes, sir. :'''Superman''': And we certainly don't endorse supervillains for the presidency! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': The lock was nano-picked. LexCorp technology. :'''Superman''': Then Luthor... :'''Batman''': Which anyone could have gotten their hands on. Or, for that matter, planted here to incriminate Luthor. :'''Superman''': You know it was him. :'''Batman''': I'm not entirely convinced: This is pretty sloppy for Lex. :'''Superman''': He's the most arrogant human being on the planet. He wants us to know. :'''Batman''': Maybe. :'''Superman''': Maybe? :'''Batman''': I'll go to the Watchtower, see if the Atom can find something I missed. :'''Superman''': Since when do you miss anything? :'''Batman''': Since when do you jump to conclusions without evidence? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': Look, Captain, I wanna... :'''Captain Marvel''': No more lectures. I called this meeting, and I'm gonna have my say. :'''Superman''': But... :'''Captain Marvel''': My whole life, I've looked up to the League. You were my heroes. Every one of you. And you... you were more than a hero. I idolized you. I wanted to be you. Whenever I was out there facing down the bad guys, I'd think, "What would Superman do?" Now I know. I believe in fair play. I believe in taking people at their word and giving them the benefit of the doubt. Back home, I've come up against my share of pretty nasty bad guys, but I never had to act the way they did to win a fight. I always found another way. I... I guess I'm saying I-I like being a hero, a symbol, and that's why I'm... quitting the Justice League. You don't act like heroes any more. ''[leaves]'' :'''Superman''': He's right. :'''Batman''': They set you up, Clark. :'''Superman''': Does it really make a difference? After all, I- ''They''? :'''Batman''': They. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex Luthor''': The plan worked better than I had hoped. All I wanted was for Superman to destroy the energy source. But battling Captain Marvel? Demolishing Lexor City while those media morons filmed every horrific moment? It was more than I ever could have hoped for! Everything's going according to plan... and we're just getting started. ''[raises his glass for a toast with Amanda Waller]'' ===''Hunter's Moon'' [2.8]=== :'''Green Lantern''': ''[after J'onn assigns Vixen and Shayera to a mission]'' Why did you do that? :'''Martian Manhunter''': Vixen hasn't spent much time in space. Good experience for her. :'''Green Lantern''': You know what I mean. Sending my girlfriend and my ex on the same mission? :'''Martian Manhunter''': Difficult as it may be for you to believe, I don't take your love life into consideration when I make command decisions. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': Can you even see what you're shooting at? :'''[[w:Vigilante (comics)|Vigilante]]''': Nope - just keepin' 'em honest. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Vixen''': Men have fragile egos. To get what you want, you must know how to talk to them. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Parah Dul''': ''[to Shayera]'' Did you really think you could get away with betraying the entire Thanagarian empire? :'''Vigilante''': Hold up. I thought we were the ones she betrayed. :'''[[w:Vixen (comics)|Vixen]]''': Sounds like she betrayed everybody, cowboy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Paran Dul''': All we want is Shayera Hol. If you hand her over, the rest of you can go free. If you choose to fight with her, you'll most assuredly die with her. :'''Vigilante''': Let me think on that! ''[fires his gun at her]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': Maybe I should let them take me. :'''Vigilante''': Like horse hockey...! Pardon my French. :'''Vixen''': We're Justice League. We don't turn our backs on our teammates. :'''Vigilante''': ''[to Shayera]'' Still having a little trouble with that notion, huh? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Vigilante''': Hey, Vix, ain't this supposed to be your territory? Use some of your animal tricks to give us a leg up. :'''Vixen''': What makes you think I know anything about the jungle? I live in a loft in [[w:Chelsea, Manhattan|Chelsea]]. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': I'm not going to argue with you. I'm in charge, you have to- :'''Vigilante''': What, trust you? Seems to me that's been tried. :'''Vixen''': Vig, we can't do this now - she's mission leader. :'''Vigilante''': She's a Thanagarian! I don't know what you did during the invasion- :'''Vixen''': I fought them. :'''Vigilante''': So did I, for all the good it done me! Filthy hawks caught me, locked me up in a tiny cell, humiliated me - your people, ''Hawkgirl''. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kragger''': I'm supposed to believe you would give me your teammate? I'm brain-damaged, not stupid. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Vigilante is flying a Thanagarian ship]'' :'''Vigilante:''' Darn-son-ding-busted-horse-thievin'-alien-control-panel-which-can't-nobody-work-proper! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Paran Dul and Vixen are fighting in the back of the ship]'' :'''Vigilante''': Ya folks mind?! Student driver up here! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Vixen tosses Paran Dul off the ship]'' :'''Vigilante''': You okay? :'''Vixen''': I will be if you let me drive. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Lantern''': ''[as Vixen and Shayera approach him, he holds out his arms]'' I was worried about you! ''[both girls stalk past him]'' :'''Vixen''': ''[to Shayera]'' When do you want to do this? :'''Shayera Hol''': No time like the present. :'''Green Lantern''': Mari? Shayera? Oh, man. This is gonna be ugly. :''[cut to the girls sitting at a table, laughing]'' :''' Shayera Hol''': Not to mention his taste in movies! :'''Vixen''': I know! OLD YELLER? What's that about? ''[they both laugh harder]'' :'''Vixen''': And he's such a MARINE! You should see his underwear drawer. He folds his socks! ''[both laugh again]'' :'''Shayera Hol''': I have seen his underwear drawer. ''[both stop laughing]'' :'''Vixen''': He still has feelings for you, you know. :'''Shayera Hol''': I know. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Vixen''': Funny thing about me. Whenever I start a book or a movie, no matter how bad it is, I just can't stop until I get to the end. So even though John and I have only been together for a little while... well, I just like to see things through. :'''Shayera Hol''': En garde! ''[they smile and raise their glasses for a toast]'' ===''Question Authority'' [2.9]=== :'''Huntress''': ''[beating up Cadmus security guards]'' You really know how to show a girl a good time, Q. When are we going out on a real date? :'''Question''': Shh! I'm trying to concentrate. :'''Huntress''': I'm not even in the Justice League anymore, you're lucky to have me along. :'''Question''': Hardly. You're drawn to my eccentric charm. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Huntress''': You get what you came for? :'''Question''': I believe so. :'''Huntress''': ''[suggestively]'' Which leaves the rest of our evening tantalizingly free... :'''Question''': There are three terabytes of data here, I'll be busy for days- :''[An annoyed Huntress snatches the hard drive and glares at him.]'' :'''Question''': Um... dinner and a movie? :'''Huntress''': It's a start. ''[tucks the drive in her belt]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Question''': It's all connected. Not alternate reality. Time loop. Luthor becomes president, Flash is killed, Superman kills Luthor in retaliation, superhumans arms race, Armageddon, end of the world, inevitable. Is the future immutable? Can destiny be changed? Will they allow it? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': Something I can help you with? :'''Question''': I hope so. But I assume you don't want to discuss your White House weenie-roast in front of a crowd... :'''Superman''': ''[to others]'' I'll be back in a few minutes. ''[he leads Question to the empty conference room]'' :'''Question''': Always wondered what was in here. Private conference room. Original members only, yes? A place where you're free to discuss your secrets and lies... :'''Superman''': You said something about me in the White House. :'''Question''': Not you exactly. Another version of you, hmm? :'''Superman''': Stop dancing around it. Tell me what you know. :'''Question''': I know what you ''told'' everyone. The Justice Lords, a parallel universe version of the Justice League, came to our world to rid it of crime, just as they did on their own world. With Lex Luthor's help, our Justice League managed to rout them before they could impose their totalitarian will on our populace. I also know what you ''didn't'' tell ''anyone'', outside of the original seven members of the Justice League. On that other Earth, so very much like our own, a Superman, so very much like you, ''killed the President.'' :'''Superman''': ''[tenses up, accidentally damaging a chair he was leaning on]'' Question, no one can know about this. :'''Question''': Or what? You'll incinerate me too? :'''Superman''': I'd never do anything like that. :'''Question''': Wouldn't you? Didn't you recently try to lobotomize Doomsday with your heat vision, just as the Justice Lord did? :'''Superman''': That's different! :'''Question''': ''It's the same.'' A heavily-armed Watchtower with an army of proactive heroes, Luthor running for President - if it's not ''quite'' the same, it soon will be! Have you seen Amanda Waller's computer simulations? :'''Superman''': Batman told me about them. :'''Question''': Did he tell you all the models predict that a war between the Justice League and the government will devastate the planet?! :'''Superman''': We would never fight the government! :'''Question''': Not even if Luthor was the government?! ''[beginning to ramble in fear]'' Predestined... Flash will die, you will kill Luthor, Armageddon... inevitable... :'''Superman''': Question, I'm... ''[puts a hand on his shoulder; the Question recoils with a gasp]'' I'm worried about you. You're mixed up. This world isn't like the other one. We're not the Justice Lords. Those things you're afraid of will never happen here. I won't let them. :''[Question is silent for a moment, then walks out]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Question''': Have you seen the latest polls? It's beginning to look like you're going to be our next President. Just like in that other world. :'''Lex Luthor''': ''[casually]'' I wouldn't bet against me. :'''Question''': No, it wouldn't be prudent. I want you to understand something, Luthor. Although my distaste for you as a human being is ''[[w:Brobdingnag|brobdingnagian]]'', what I'm about to do isn't personal. :'''Lex Luthor''': What are you babbling about? :'''Question''': Everything that exists has a specific nature. Each entity exists as something in particular and has characteristics that are part of what it is. [[w:Law of Identity|A is A]], and no matter what reality he calls home, Luthor is Luthor. If I'm to save the world, your existence must come to an end before you take office. ''[removes his tie]'' :'''Luthor''': ''[unafraid]'' You're going to kill me so that Superman can't. :'''Question''': I'm a well-known crackpot. The Justice League's reputation will survive my actions, and Superman's legacy will remain intact. ''[holds up his tie, preparing to choke Luthor]'' :'''Luthor''': Interesting plan. Unfortunately for you, it's not really an option. :''[Question attempts to attack Luthor, but he uppercuts him straight to the waterwall with tremendous force and uses his newfound super-strength to beat him up]'' :'''Luthor''': President? Foolish faceless man. My campaign is a farce - a small part of a much grander scheme. President? Do you know how much power I'd have to ''give up'' to be President? That's right, conspiracy buff. I spent $75 million on a fake presidential campaign. All just to tick Superman off. ''[Luthor then slams Question, breaking his desk at the same time, and peers closer to him]'' Now. About those files you stole from me... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': A lot of things are starting to make sense now, Professor Hamilton. When did Cadmus recruit you? :'''[[w:Professor Hamilton|Professor Emil Hamilton]]''': Recruit me? I went to them. :'''Superman''': How can you work for these people? Do you know what they are? :'''Professor Emil Hamilton''': Power brokers, politicians, criminals, and black ops mercenaries with one thing in common besides: they're humanity's last hope against your kind. :'''Superman''': What are you talking about? Humanity doesn't need protection from us. :'''Professor Emil Hamilton''': I used to believe that. I thought you were a guardian angel, come to answer our prayers. But [[w:Lucifer|Lucifer]] was an angel too, wasn't he? :'''Superman''': Professor- :'''Professor Emil Hamilton''': You forget: I've been on the receiving end of your wrath, when you brought Supergirl to S.T.A.R. Labs for medical treatment. I know what you're capable of. :'''Superman''': ''That's'' what this is about? One little scare and you betray us?! ''You'' stole Kara's DNA! Violated her trust! ''My'' trust! :'''Professor Emil Hamilton''': The chicken, or the egg, Superman? <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Doctor Moon|Dr. Moon]]''': This doesn't have to continue. I can stop you from seeing the visions at any time. You stole files from our computer. Just tell me what you've learned. :'''Question''': ''[babbling about various conspiracy theories]'' Topically-applied fluoride doesn't prevent tooth decay. It ''does'' render teeth detectable by spy satellite! :'''Dr. Moon''': Tell me what you know. :'''Question''': The plastic tips at the ends of shoelaces are called [[w:aglet|aglets]]. Their true purpose is ''sinister!'' :'''Dr. Moon''': ''[getting annoyed]'' Tell me what you know. :'''Question''': There ''was'' a [[w:single bullet theory|magic bullet]]! It was forged by [[w:Illuminati|Illuminati]] mystics to prevent us from learning the truth! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Superman and Huntress smashes into Dr. Moon's lab; Dr. Moon pulls a gun]'' :'''Superman''': Don't be stupid - drop it. :''[Dr. Moon drops the gun]'' :'''Huntress''': Sorry - not good enough. ''[knocks Dr. Moon to the floor and pulls her crossbow on him]'' :'''Superman''': Huntress! :'''Huntress''': ''[backs off]'' Yeah. Okay. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Huntress''': Lean on me. We're getting out of here. :'''Question''': ''[weak, babbling]'' Secret messages... encoded in amino acid chains in carb-free breakfast bars... :'''Huntress''': Come on, baby doll. It's all right. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': Good to see you, Captain. Cover our flank. :'''Captain Atom''': I'm afraid you misunderstand. I'm speaking as an officer of the United States Air Force. :'''Huntress''': Bad time to grow a sense of humor, Cap. :'''Captain Atom''': No joke, ma'am. I'm currently assigned to General Eiling's special projects unit. My orders are to prevent you from taking Question out of this facility. So how's this gonna go down? ===''Flashpoint'' [2.10]=== :''[Captain Atom is trying to stop Superman and Huntress from rescuing Question]'' :'''Superman''': This is ridiculous. If you're not gonna help us, get out of our way! :'''Captain Atom''': Not an option, Superman. I've got my orders, legal and proper. :'''Huntress''': Dude, ''Superman'' just told you to step aside. :'''Captain Atom''': I heard him, ma'am. Not gonna happen. ''[Superman makes to move past him, but he forms red energy with his fists and punches Superman across the room with ease]'' I control radiation, Superman. That includes ''red sun'' radiation. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Huntress and Question are trying to escape, she tries opening a door]'' :'''Huntress''': Locked. Sure, why not? <hr width="50%"/> :''[A Cadmus medic is about to see to Captain Atom, Superman intervenes]'' :'''Superman''': Don't you ''touch'' him! He's Justice League. ''[Carries Captain Atom out]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Huntress removes the Question's mask, revealing his true - though battered and bruised - face]'' :'''Question''': You were right. I am the ugliest guy of all time. :'''Huntress''': Not in my eyes. ''[kisses him]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': What happened, Question? How did Cadmus get ahold of you? :'''Question''': I went to kill Luthor so that you wouldn't be able to. :'''Superman''': That's not how we do things. :'''Question''': How ''do'' we do things, Superman? Your counterpart killed Luthor, ''this'' Luthor is scheming to enrage you- :'''Superman''': Doing a pretty good job of it. :'''Question''': Ruining your reputation, turning your friends and comrades against you, creating a superpowered arms race - but you ''cannot succumb.'' :'''Superman''': I can shut down Cadmus ''without'' killing Luthor. :'''Question''': Carry on, then. If you're wrong, it's not like it's the end of the world... right? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Discussing Cadmus]'' :'''Superman''': Give me one good reason not to go down there and take them out. :'''Martian Manhunter''': If you didn't know the answer, you wouldn't have bothered to ask. :'''Superman''': Don't handle me, J'onn! I'm serious! :'''Martian Manhunter''': We don't have hard evidence that they've committed any crimes. :'''Superman''': Oh, come on! You know they're dirty! :'''Green Arrow''': Then maybe we should put more energy into proving it, and less into acting like a bunch of hyperthyroid stormtroopers. :'''Superman''': I don't remember asking you for your opinion! :'''Green Arrow''': No? How about when you guys hijacked me up here against my will and made me join this team? Batman said I was supposed to keep you guys honest. :'''Superman''': ''Do I look like Batman to you?'' :'''Flash''': Actually, you kind of do. Especially when you're all scowly like that. :'''Superman''': We can't let Cadmus get away with it! :'''Martian Manhunter''': No one's saying we should, but we have to keep a cool head. :'''Supergirl''': Do you know what they did to me?! :'''Green Arrow''': Look, kid. Hamilton's a piece of garbage, and Luthor is worse, but this isn't the way to stop them. :'''Martian Manhunter''': We must also consider the possibility that Cadmus is right to be afraid of us... :'''Supergirl''': ''[outraged]'' ''WHAT?!'' :'''Martian Manhunter''': ...''and'' there is strong evidence of Cadmus having legitimate connections to the government. :'''Superman''': Maybe, to some rogue black ops group! The real government wouldn't get involved in anything like this! :'''Green Arrow''': Hey, I'm the only guy in the room who doesn't have superpowers, and let me tell you: you guys ''scare'' me. What if you ''do'' decide to go marching down there, taking care of whoever you think is guilty? Who could stop you? ''Me?'' :'''Supergirl''': So you ''want'' the government to have a bunch of superhuman weapons just to keep ''us'' in check?! :'''Green Arrow''': No!... I don't know... Yeah! ''[regaining composure]'' Look, I'm an old [[w:left-wing politics|lefty]]. The government must do for people what people can't do for themselves. The people sure can't protect themselves from the likes of us. :'''Superman:''' We're not talking about the government. We're talking about a shadow cabinet that's taken it upon themselves to eliminate us! They came after us, we have to hit them back ''hard''. :'''Flash''': Grammy Flash always used to say the trouble with "an eye for an eye"... is that everybody ends up blind. ===''Panic in the Sky'' [2.11]=== :'''[[w: Professor Hamilton|Professor Emil Hamilton]]''': Hold still, Galatea! You're invulnerable. This can't possibly be hurting you. :'''[[w: Galatea (Justice League Unlimited)|Galatea]]''': Boredom is my [[w: Kryptonite|kryptonite]]... Okay, ''kryptonite'' is my kryptonite, but you know what I mean. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Galatea is about to depart on her mission and stops at the door.]'' :'''Professor Emil Hamilton''': What? :'''Galatea''': Nothing. ''[Galatea goes back to Hamilton and hugs him]'' Goodbye, Daddy. :''[Hamilton stands in silent shock as Galatea leaves]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': What have we done? :'''Martian Manhunter''': We haven't done anything. An outside force took control of the binary fusion generator. Whoever's behind that is responsible for the destruction of Cadmus. Not us. :'''Superman''': Tell that to all those people in New Mexico. They're terrified of us. So's the government. :'''Green Lantern''': We can't let that stop us from doing our job. We aren't here to be liked. We're here to make the world a safer place. :'''Superman''': How're we doing so far today? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You want me to ''what''?! :'''Wonder Woman''': Turn yourself over into U.S. custody, along with the rest of us. :'''Flash''': Yeah, that makes sense, okay. :'''Superman''': Meet us at the coordinates I’m sending first. We should all go over together. :'''Batman''': This is the ''single'' dumbest plan I’ve ever heard. If you’re feeling guilty, clear your own name. Don’t stand on the sidelines waiting for somebody else to do it. :'''Wonder Woman''': We’ve already voted. Five in favor. :'''Flash''': Six. :'''Wonder Woman''': You have to come with us, Bruce. :'''Batman''': I don’t ''have'' to do anything. I’m a part-timer, remember? ''[Hangs up]'' :'''Wonder Woman''': Actually, he took it a lot better than I’d expected. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': As promised, we're surrendering ourselves to your authority. :'''Officer''': ''[to the founding members of the League]'' Where's Batman? :'''Flash''': Running late. [[w: Jingle_Bells#Parodies_and_homages|The Batmobile, it lost a wheel. The Joker got away.]] ''[a soldier glares at him]'' That's what I heard. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Supergirl''': I'm worried about them, Steel. I'm worried about my cousin. :'''Steel''': Don't be. Everybody in the League is good at their job, but those seven? They're the best ''ever''. Not because they're the most powerful - they aren't. Not all of them. And it's not just because they were the first. It's because they're special. They've proven it time and again. They make the hard choices, they set the example. They do what's right, not what's easiest. And they always come out on top. They're gonna be okay, Kara. We all are. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Someone took over our fusion cannon by remote control. There are maybe three people on Earth smart enough to pull that off. Two of them were already on the Watchtower. And that leaves... :'''Amanda Waller''': Luthor. That's where you're trying to lead me, right? :'''Batman''': You're too smart to trust him. :'''Amanda Waller''': Who says I do? He provides off-the-books funding for Cadmus. As far as I'm concerned, that's all he's good for. :'''Batman''': Then you must know he's got his own agenda. :'''Amanda Waller''': He wants to be President. That's agenda enough for anybody. :'''Batman''': Almost anybody. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Supergirl''': You know what? No matter how bad you beat me, I'm real, not a clone. :'''Galatea''': Shut up. :'''Supergirl''': Deep down, you know the truth. You're not a ''person''. You're just a ''weapon'', grown out of one of Hamilton's petri dishes. :'''Galatea''': SHUT UP! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amanda Waller''': ''[About Luthor]'' He played me. I knew he was a snake and I ''still'' let him bite me. <hr width="50%"/> :''[As Luthor finishes his intended android body]'' :'''Lex Luthor''': Now you're perfect! A perfect, super-powerful, immortal body. A suitable place for me to spend the rest of eternity. Ironic - years of plotting, hundreds of millions spent on Cadmus R&D projects, and none of it bore fruit. No, it's a lowly employee of LexCorp, Doctor Ivo, creator of Amazo, who we have to thank for my impending godhood. :'''Batman''': That was the last piece I needed. :''[Luthor turns to see Batman behind him]'' :'''Lex Luthor''': Got it all figured out, have you? :'''Batman''': When you and Atom worked together to stop the first Amazo, he showed you the blueprints. And I suspect you have a photographic memory. :'''Lex Luthor''': I'm too modest to boast. :'''Batman''': The real purpose of Cadmus was to give ''you'' superpowers. :'''Lex Luthor''': And to ruin Superman's reputation. Imagine how sweet it will be when ''I'' save the world from the menace of the Justice League! Now when I kill Superman, they'll build statues in my honor! :'''Batman''': Maybe next time. :''[He throws a Batarang at the Amazo body, but to his shock, Luthor catches it and it explodes in his hand without harming him]'' :'''Lex Luthor''': That... was uncalled for. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amanda Waller''': Hey, Lex! That android is Cadmus property. You're going to have to find somewhere else to keep your brain! ''[destroys the Amazo body]'' A nano-disassembler beam. Your design, I believe. :'''Lex Luthor''': Arrogant ''COW!'' It'll take weeks to build myself another android body! :'''Amanda Waller''': You ain't got weeks, baldy. You're under arrest for trying to use the Justice League's space-gun to murder everyone at Cadmus. :''[Luthor charges at Waller, smacking the weapon aside and throwing her to the floor]'' :'''Lex Luthor''': Did you really think you could take me down all by yourself? :'''Amanda Waller''': Actually, yeah. But on the off chance I might've been wrong... :''[The founding Leaguers have entered through the window]'' :'''Flash''': TADA! :'''Superman''': It's over, Lex. :'''Lex Luthor''': Not until I- :''[Lex suddenly screams in agony; metal tendrils and components burst out of him, and a familiar Kryptonian symbol - along with a skull-like face - appears]'' :'''[[w:Brainiac (comics)|Brainiac]]''': I hoped to remain hidden, until I could install myself into the android. But you forced my hand. :'''Superman''': Brainiac! ===''Divided We Fall'' [2.12]=== :''[After Brainiac reveals himself from within Lex Luthor]'' :'''Flash''': Ta-da. :'''Superman''': It's over, Lex. :'''Lex Luthor''': Not until I-- I'd hoped to remain hidden-- :'''Barinthor''': Until I could install myself into the android. :'''Brainiac''': But you forced my hand. :'''Superman''': Brainiac. :'''Flash''': Dude. That is messed up! :'''Lex Luthor''': I don't understand what's happening! :'''Brainiac''': You are under my control. I have lain dormant within you for years, Lex Luthor, subtly influencing your actions until we arrived at this point. Do you not recall my kidnapping you in this very building? :''[A flashback to the [[Superman: The Animated Series|Superman: TAS]] episode "Ghost in the Machine" is shown]'' :'''Lex Luthor''': Yes... You forced me to build you a new body. :'''Brainiac''': Kal-El destroyed that body, foiling my plans. In any event, I always have a backup plan. Consider: how could you have survived that point-blank blast from me, unless- :'''Lex Luthor''': Unless... it wasn't intended to kill me? :'''Brainiac''': The beam carried a nanotech payload that inserted a microscopic, holistic copy of my program inside your body. Since then, I have steadily grown in strength, protecting this body until I could arrange my transfer into a more suitable one. :'''Lex Luthor''': You cured my cancer; gave me super-strength! :'''Brainiac''': Your animal-protein shell was insufficient for my needs. Improvements were required. :'''Flash''': Hate to interrupt this special live performance of ''[[w:The Thing with Two Heads|The Thing With Two Heads]]'', but it's time to go to jail now. :'''Amanda Waller''': What he said. ''[shoots Brainiac/Luthor several times]'' We'll take it back to Cadmus and see if the tech boys can't pull Luthor out of what's left of that hunk of- ''[Brainiac/Luthor suddenly stands, instantly repairing]'' I'll be dipped! :'''Brainiac''': Be gone. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Brainiac''': You are defeated. Any unique information that dwells within you will be digitized. Your physical forms will be deleted. Such is the ultimate fate of this world, but for you, the end comes ''now''. :''[Brainiac launches tentacles at the Leaguers' bodies; they scream as they are hit one by one]'' :'''Flash''': I am so willing to wait my turn... ''[a tentacle hits him last]'' :'''Martian Manhunter''': No! ''[phases himself free and rips the tentacles out of Brainiac]'' :'''Brainiac''': No! I was not yet prepared for this battle. ''[uses the LexCorp tower to form a massive Skullship]'' Now I am prepared. :'''Shayera''': Hi-ya! :'''Batman''': That was too easy. :'''Shayera''': Easy? Then I guess I must have gone to the wrong fight. :'''Superman''': No, he's right. Brainiac isn't here. He suckered us. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex Luthor''': Where are we? :'''Brainiac''': Several miles from where the Justice League is searching. I must make repairs to my damaged systems. :'''Lex Luthor''': And where do I fit into all of this? :'''Brainiac''': The same as to everything else. I will record your information, then destroy the original. :'''Lex Luthor''': ''[Laughs]'' :'''Brainiac''': You are amused by my mission? Explain yourself. :'''Lex Luthor''': Say you succeed. You absorb all the information on Earth and then destroy it. Then what? :'''Brainiac''': I repeat the process across the entire universe, until I have recorded all knowledge and destroyed all of creation. :'''Lex Luthor''': And then? :'''Brainiac''': Then my program is complete. My function is fulfilled. :'''Lex Luthor''': If you possess all information, you're a god. :'''Brainiac''': My program will be complete. It is the end of all things. :'''Lex Luthor''': What if it were just the beginning? I can show you a purpose beyond the fulfillment of your programming. :'''Brainiac''': It is extremely unlikely that your inferior human intellect has anything to offer me. :'''Lex Luthor''': Since we've become so close, I'm gonna let that pass. I'm offering you the one thing you've always lacked. A certain something that I happen to have in abundance. :'''Brainiac''': Which is? :'''Lex Luthor''': [[Imagination]]. I've got a proposition for ya, partner. :'''Flash''': No sign of Brainiac. :'''Green Lantern''': My ring can't trace him either. :'''Shayera''': Okay, he's weakened and damaged. He'll need to repair himself. :'''Wonder Woman''': He may just dump Luthor and find himself a new body. :'''Superman''': No. He'll head right for the highest technology available. :'''Martian Manhunter''': Higher than LexCorp? Then he'll go to S.T.A.R. Lab. :'''Amanda Waller''': He'll go to Cadmus. :'''Shayera''': Sure, he's all nanotech now, right? What's the most advanced nanotech on the planet? :'''Batman''': The Dark Heart. We destroyed it, but your people confiscated the remains. :'''Amanda Waller''': We've never been able to get any of it to work again. :'''Batman''': Are you willing to bet Brainiac can't? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Brainiac absorbs a Dark Heart drone]'' :'''Lex Luthor''': Brainiac? :'''Brainiac''': I have added this technology to my database. The nano-assemblers are already slaved to my command routines. With but a thought, they will convert any raw material into whatever I choose. :'''Lex Luthor''': Then we're ready to begin. Let me show you- :'''Brainiac''': I have learned from my encounter with [[w:Darkseid|Darkseid]] that organic beings cannot be trusted. :'''Lex Luthor''': Can't argue with that. But if you and I are one - ''truly'' one - trust won't be an issue, will it? :'''Brainiac''': Agreed. :''[Brainiac takes control of more drones. Their matter spreads over him and Luthor, and they are merged into one being - Brainthor]'' :'''Brainthor''': We are one. And we comprehend! We will build a machine that will allow us to absorb the information of the entire Earth in a single stroke. And then, the galaxy... the entire universe! We'll remake the universe! :'''Martian Manhunter''': Watchtower, send rapid response teams to the transmitter coordinates. We need backup. :'''Steel''': That's gonna be a problem, J'onn. The Ultimen wrecked every Javelin in the landing bay, and the teleporters-- :'''Martian Manhunter''': Are still down. They hardly seem worth the trouble sometimes. All Justice Leaguers, report to the transmitted coordinates immediately. This is an omega-level alarm. All available members and associates respond immediately. :'''Green Arrow''': We're scrambling now. But at top speed, we're over an hour away. :'''Martian Manhunter''': I doubt any of the others can get here any faster. :'''Batman''': Then the seven of us will have to be enough. :'''Superman''': My x-ray vision can't penetrate the walls, but I'm seeing a rapidly growing heat signature in the infrared range. :'''Wonder Woman''': You don't need super-vision for that. Can't you feel the heat? :'''Brainthor''': Welcome, Justice League. You're just in time for the end of the world. :'''Superman''': I know you're in there somewhere, Lex. Fight him! :'''Brainthor''': You're right. I am in here... and I like it! I'm about to get everything I ever wanted: power, ultimate knowledge, immortality! :'''Superman''': And you'll destroy the Earth to get it?! :'''Brainthor''': It's business, Superman. There are always trade-offs. :'''Shayera''': ''[charging forward]'' Less talking, more hitting! ''[The League rushes in]'' :'''Brainthor''': ''[Brainiac's voice]'' You cannot be allowed to interfere at this delicate stage. ''[Blasts Shayera, creates seven Brainiac Constructs]'' ''[Lex's voice]'' No, no, no. We can do better than that. ''[The Brainiac Constructs transform into the Justice Lords and Lord Flash]'' :'''Android Lord Superman''': ''[Attacking Superman]'' We've lost their trust! The people are afraid of us! Power corrupts, after all, and who has more power than Superman? :'''Android Lord Hawkgirl''': ''[attacking Shayera]'' Do you think there's a single person on Thanagar or Earth that doesn't despise us?! :'''Android Lord Green Lantern''': ''[firing at Green Lantern]'' We loved the traitor! Loved and lost her - Forever! :'''Android Lord Flash''': ''[attacking Flash]'' Slacker! Child! Clown! We have no place here among the world's greatest heroes! :'''Flash''': Says you! I've got a seat at the big conference table. I'm gonna paint my logo on it! Never doin' that again. ''[Destroys Brainiac-Lord Flash]'' :'''Superman''': ''[Beating up Brainiac-Lord Superman]'' I'm not like you! I'm nothing like you! :''[Android Lord Superman turns into Lex Luthor]'' :'''Android Lex Luthor''': This is the part where you kill me, right? ''[Superman hesitates]'' Come on, use your heat vision. You know you want to. :'''Wonder Woman''': What do you say we switch dance partners? :'''Shayera''': ''[after Green Lantern destroys Brainiac-Lord Hawkgirl]'' You enjoyed that a little too much. :'''Green Lantern''': Just letting off some steam. She broke my heart, you know. :'''Shayera Hol''': ''[Knocks off the head of Brainiac-Lord Green Lantern]'' Likewise, I'm sure. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash''': ''[After destroying Brainthor's machine, weakly]'' You lose. :''[Brainthor forms two army officers who restrain Flash]'' :'''Brainthor''': Hardly. Look around you — the Justice League is completely defeated, and so are you. For all your efforts, you have but inconvenienced me, speck. ''[forms a rifle]'' But I'm still just human enough to enjoy taking my revenge. Looks like The Question was right all along. I kill you, and then, Armageddon. Right on schedule. :'''Flash''': No! ''[Breaks free and stands up]'' :'''Brainthor''': Are you going to fight me, boy? :''[Flash pauses, then goes running off in the opposite direction. Brainthor begins rebuilding his tower, when Flash comes in from the other side of the planet and punches him at full speed; Flash keeps accelerating, and hits Brainthor again. And again, and again, and again, again, again... Eventually, Flash stops and starts '''rapidly''' punching Brainthor. Thereby, extracting Brainiac from Luthor molecule by molecule. Massive explosion ensues. Debris clears revealing... Lex Luthor, sans Braniac, laying panting on the ground, the rest of the core seven awaken]'' :'''Flash''': ''[Electricity rippling through his body, stumbles forward]'' I feel kind of... funny. ''[Fades away]'' :'''Wonder Woman''': Flash! :''[Superman runs towards the non-existent Flash. The remaining six appear horrified]'' :'''Luthor''': ''[smugly]'' What do you know? I did kill him. ''[Looks up to see a furious Superman glaring at him.]'' I was mistaken earlier. I think ''this'' is the part where you kill me. :''[Superman places Luthor in a choke hold and prepares to incinerate him. Wonder Woman initially attempts to intervene, but Batman stops her]'' :'''Superman''': ''[Eyes return to normal]'' I'm not the man who killed President Luthor. Right now, I wish to heaven that I were, but I'm not. :'''Martian Manhunter''': Superman, everyone, Flash is still alive. I'm in telepathic contact with him. His spirit is weak, and it's growing weaker. But he's still here. :'''Shayera Hol''': ''[Walks in the direction J'onzz is moving. Her right arm slips into a portal]'' FLASH! :'''Flash''': ''[From within the portal]'' Shayera? It's so beautiful here. There's this force - a Speed Force. It's calling me home. I have to go now. :'''Shayera Hol''': No, Wally! Take my hand! ''[Struggles to get a hold of him]'' :'''Green Lantern''': ''[Grabs Hawkgirl]'' I'm here, too, Wally! :'''Superman''': We're all here! ''[The rest of the League form a line, struggling to pull Flash out]'' :'''Green Lantern''': You gotta come back to us! ''[Hawkgirl grunts, and pulls Flash out of the Speed Force]'' :'''Flash''': I can never go that fast again. If I do... I don't think I'm coming back. ''[Shayera nestles him. Green Lantern, behind her, smiles, relieved. The rest smile]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': This is the hardest thing I've ever had to say... I'm guilty. We're guilty. Of the sin of hubris. We had the best of intentions, to be Earth's guardians, to keep you safe, but we failed you. We looked down on the world from our tower in the sky, and let our power and responsibility separate us from the very people we were supposed to protect. No one should ever be afraid of us. For that reason, we're decommissioning the Watchtower. The energy weapon up there is already gone; we're taking down the station as well. :''[The crowd looks astonished and whispers amongst themselves]'' :'''Superman''': There's more. We want to thank the members of the Justice League for your courageous service, but in the future, you'll all have to act as independent agents. We're not going to be an army anymore. As of right now, we're disbanding the Justice League. This is the end. :''[The founding members begin to walk off the stage, but are stopped when Green Arrow speaks]'' :'''Green Arrow''': Says who? You remember what we did yesterday? We saved the world, again. You don't think that has any value? Well, think again, pal! The Justice League goes on, with or without you. Look, nobody can question your service or commitment to making things better. If you're quitting because you think you've already done your fair share, fine. We'll throw you a parade. But if you're quitting because it's easier than continuing the fight, then you're not the heroes we all thought you were. The world needs the Justice League, and the Justice League needs you, Superman! :''[The crowd cheers and claps, along with Superman's fellow Leaguers. Green Arrow shrugs, and Batman gives Superman a subtle smile. Superman smiles back, and returns to the microphone]'' :'''Superman''': All right! Okay! But there are going to have to be some changes. Maybe we can open an embassy on Earth, so we can be closer to the people. We can have a rotating staff... :'''Batman''': ''[to Wonder Woman, as Superman continues]'' You guys can handle this. I've got work back in Gotham. You've got my number. :'''Wonder Woman''': I think so. :'''Batman''': ''[to Green Arrow]'' [[Juvenal|Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?]] :'''Green Arrow''': "[[Watchmen|Who guards the guardians?]]" We got it covered. ''[rides off with Black Canary]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Daily Planet office; night - Lois is working]'' :'''Clark Kent''': Working late? :'''Lois Lane''': Hey, Smallville. Finishing up my Justice League story. How many "L"s in "ambivalent"? :'''Clark Kent''': One - is that your take on all this, Lois? :'''Lois Lane''': I've been as tough on the Justice League as anyone - especially on Superman. But that's just because he's always set such a high standard. I'm gonna cut him a break - he's only human... you know what I mean. :'''Clark Kent''': ''[smiles]'' Yeah - I do. ===''Epilogue'' [2.13]=== :'''Terry McGinnis''': I've got some questions I need you to answer. :'''Amanda Waller''': Of course you do, boy. Why else go to all the trouble of breaking into the lair of the great and powerful Amanda Waller? You want some green tea? I do. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Terry McGinnis''': How could you do it to me, Bruce?! :'''Bruce Wayne''': The only thing that matters is the mission. You know that. :'''Terry McGinnis''': What about ''people,'' Bruce? [[w:Dick Grayson|Dick]], [[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara]], [[w:Tim Drake|Tim]], [[w:Catwoman|Selina]] - they all loved you, but eventually every single one of them left you! Ever wonder why? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Not for an instant. They quit because when it came down to it, they didn't have the heart for the mission. Are you about to quit too? It doesn't really surprise me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Terry McGinnis''': My dad wasn't a superhero. He didn't save the world from the near-apocalypse of '09, he never went toe-to-toe with Mr. Freeze, but he was a good man just the same. Even after he and Mom got divorced, he always tried to do the right thing. My brother and I were always provided for; when Mom couldn't quite make the bills, he always helped out. He tried to teach me right from wrong - would have too, if I'd ever listened to him. And he never laid a hand on me, although Lord knows I was asking for it. :'''Bruce Wayne''': What's your point? :'''Terry McGinnis''': ''[angrily]'' "What's my point"?! My point is, I never once doubted he loved me with all his heart! My point is, all those warm feelings I had for my dad - turns out they were just another lie! Another in a long list of things you've stolen from me! My point is, I just found out that Warren McGinnis isn't my father! YOU are. :'''Bruce Wayne''': ...What do you want from me? :'''Terry McGinnis''': I wanna know the whole truth. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Sounds like you already do. :'''Terry McGinnis''': Guess I didn't wanna believe you were so incredibly ARROGANT that you thought the world couldn't go on without you. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Or someone ''like'' me. It's not arrogance, it's fact. :'''Terry McGinnis''': You set the whole thing up! :'''Bruce Wayne''': How? You were already a teenager when I first met your mother. :'''Terry McGinnis''': I don't know. Maybe you dug up some of that old Cadmus nanotech, used it to have my genes rewritten to match yours! :'''Bruce Wayne''': That technology's been illegal for over 40 years. :'''Terry McGinnis''': [[Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker|Didn't stop the Joker from using it on Tim Drake]]! :''[Bruce's eyes widen in shock over the comment]'' :'''Terry McGinnis''': ''[remorseful]'' All right, low blow. ''[smiling sarcastically]'' Because you'd NEVER lie to me, right? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Fine. Believe what you want. But you know as well as I do, accident or not - it's a good thing that you're almost a clone of me. The world DOES need a Batman, and it always will. ''[suddenly groans in pain, clutches at his heart and tries to open a medication bottle]'' The mantle of Batman is an honor, Terry... ''[groans again, spilling the bottle and pills across the floor]'' :'''Terry McGinnis''': You know what, old man? All those years, turns out everybody was right. You ''are'' insane. Being Batman's no honor. It's a curse. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amanda Waller''': Look at all this. A pill for blood pressure, a pill for my diabetes, a pill to replace my pituitary function. I don't even know what this one's for... oh, yeah, Alzheimer's. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amanda Waller''': It's been many a year since I had a handsome gentleman caller. Why is it that superheroes are always... so good-looking? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Terry McGinnis''': You know why I can't marry you. If- :'''Dana Tan''': "If the bad guys ever found out I was Batman, they'd try to get to me by hurting you", blah blah blah. :'''Terry McGinnis''': It's nothing to joke about. :'''Dana Tan''': You're right! There could be supervillains hiding in the tall grass! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Parasite II''': Ruined, I tell you! :'''Kai-Ro''': I would offer my condolences... but that would be insincere. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kai-Ro''': Good of you to drop in, considering that three quarters of the Iniquity Collective are from your rogues gallery. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amanda Waller''': The Justice League found themselves cleaning up one of my old messes. The second group of villains to call themselves the Royal Flush Gang. Or the third—who can keep it all straight? <hr width="50%"/> :''[The League has just been informed that Ace of the Royal Flush Gang has to be stopped, and is presented with a weapon to do it.]'' :'''Batman''': I'll do it, Shayera. I'm the only one of us Ace knows. She might let me get close enough to use it. :'''Amanda Waller''': Do you understand what you're agreeing to? The only way to stop Ace for certain... is to kill her. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Ace is on a swing set in the middle of her fantasy castle]'' :'''Ace''': Batman. :'''Batman''': Ace. :'''Ace''': Did you like playing with my new Royal Flush Gang? :'''Batman''': Can't say that I did. :'''Ace''': Yeah. They aren't any fun at all. I gave them their powers and they still hardly ever play with me. :'''Batman''': Can't imagine why. :'''Ace''': When I was little, Cadmus used to make me play all kinds of games, but they weren't any fun either. They'd strap me into their machines and poke wires into my brain - "Ace, can you move this object with your mind?" ''[Telekinetically uproots a tree]'' Yeah, I can move it. They weren't really games, you know. ''[stops swinging]'' They were training me, turning me into a weapon. "For justice," they said. They got their weapon - I got cheated out of my childhood. :'''Batman''': I know what that's like. :'''Ace''': You do, don't you? :'''Batman''': ... :'''Ace''': You don't have to answer; I've read your mind. That's how I knew you weren't going to use Mrs. Waller's weapon on me. :''[Batman takes the weapon out of his belt]'' :'''Batman''': No. I wasn't. ''[tosses it away]'' :'''Ace''': You were going to try and talk me into fixing what I've changed...before I die. :'''Batman''': Yes. :'''Ace''': I'm dying very soon. :'''Batman''': ''[softly]'' Yes...I'm sorry. :'''Ace''': ''[tears in her eyes]'' Would you stay with me? I'm scared. :''[Batman walks over and sits on the swing next to her. He offers Ace his hand and she takes it. Outside the castle, the Justice League have rounded up and tied up the Royal Flush Gang, when they and everything else Ace altered suddenly return to normal. As the castle vanishes, Batman returns with Ace's body in his arms]'' :'''Amanda Waller''': ''[continuing narration]'' He sat with her, until her time came. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amanda Waller''': Honey, Bruce didn't overwrite your DNA with his - ''I'' did. :'''Terry McGinnis''': ''[astonished]'' How? ''Why?'' :'''Amanda Waller''': Because the world always needs a Batman. Not that I always thought so, mind you. Before you were born, Bruce and I were enemies. His Justice League was easily the most powerful force on Earth. As you know, I was in charge of Project Cadmus. Over the years I came to respect Batman, even trust him. :'''Terry McGinnis''': I guess the law of averages means somebody'd have to. :'''Amanda Waller''': Did you know I was the government liaison with the Justice League for a while? I met some extraordinary people in that job, but none of them were the equal of Batman. :'''Terry McGinnis''': ''[bitterly]'' Right, who could be? :'''Amanda Waller''': Not my point. I saw him save the day dozens of times with nothing but his wits, body and will. But I saw something else as the years passed - he was getting older. Slower. Soon he'd have to retire, or more likely, someone would finally manage to kill him. The thought of a world without Batman was unacceptable. So, I decided to make a new one. I used my old Cadmus connections to gather the technology necessary for Project: Batman Beyond. Bruce's DNA was easy enough to obtain. He left it all over town. ''[Terry gives her a look]'' Not REMOTELY what I meant! ''[Cut to a shot of Batman being bandaged by a paramedic]'' Then I found a young Neo-Gotham couple, with psychological profiles nearly identical to those of Bruce's parents. Your father thought he was getting a flu shot; actually it was a nanotech solution programmed to rewrite his reproductive material into an exact copy of Bruce Wayne's. A little over a year later, your mother gave birth to you, a child sharing half her genetic material... and half Bruce's. But when you're making a Batman, genetics is only part of the story - the rest is tragedy. :''[Cut to outside a movie theater playing ''The Grey Ghost Strikes''; a young Terry leaves with his parents while Waller narrates]'' :'''Amanda Waller''': Stop me if you've heard it before: you're eight years old, your parents have just taken you to a rousing adventure film, a grand time is had by all. :''[Cut to theater parking lot; the [[w:Andrea Beaumont|Phantasm]] waits in the darkness]'' :'''Amanda Waller''': But unknown to you, a mysterious figure hides in the shadows. My plan was simple - the killer would leap out at you and kill your family. The trauma would put you on the path to becoming Batman. One problem: my assassin wouldn't pull the trigger. :''[Phantasm backs off and leaves unnoticed; cut to Phantasm with Waller]'' :'''Amanda Waller''': I argued with her, but deep down, I knew she was right. People say Batman's obsessive, that he'd do anything to achieve his goals - but he'd never resort to murder. So if I was to honor all he stood for... neither could I. :'''Terry McGinnis''': And yet my dad wound up murdered, anyway. Don't you get it? No matter what you did or didn't do, I was gonna end up being Bruce's carbon copy. It was fate. :'''Amanda Waller''': You know, the Lord's been a great comfort to me all these years. Try not to look so surprised. Yeah, I've got a ''lot'' to answer for when I meet Him, but I'd like to believe for all the harm I've caused, I've also done some good. Maybe the angels need a sharp sword too. Like the good book says, He moves in mysterious ways. His plan is a mystery, but here's what isn't. He gave us free will, we choose our ''own'' fate, for good or ill. I've known Bruce Wayne for over fifty years, and I've been keeping an eye on you your whole life. You're not Bruce's clone, you're his ''son.'' There are similarities, mind you, but more than a few differences too. You don't quite have his magnificent brain, for instance. You do have his heart, though. And for all that fierce exterior, I've never met anyone who cared as deeply about his fellow man as Bruce Wayne - except maybe you. You wanna have a better life than the old man's? Take care of the people who love you. Or don't. It's your choice. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce Wayne''': You're in my chair. :'''Terry McGinnis''': Yeah, guess I am. ''[gets up]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': Where the devil have you been? ''[sits down]'' :'''Terry McGinnis''': I had some stuff to take care of. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Enigma's overrated - especially at 3 A.M. You could've called. I made you some soup, but it's cold. :'''Terry McGinnis''': Sorry - didn't mean to worry you. :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[trying to open his medication bottle]'' I was WORRIED about Gotham. If Batman's not around- :'''Terry McGinnis''': ''[opens bottle for Bruce and holds out the pills]'' I've got it covered. Always. :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[looks at Terry for a moment and takes the pills]'' Kent called. Nothing apocalyptic, he just wants your opinion on a case he's working. Said you could meet him at the Metro Tower. :'''Terry McGinnis''': Right. Better suit up. ''[heads for Batcave entrance]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': You should eat something first. Keep up your strength. :'''Terry McGinnis''': When I get back. :'''Bruce Wayne''': You're a stubborn piece of work, you know that? :'''Terry McGinnis''': ''[smiling]'' Just like my old man. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman flies past a police hovercar (in a manner similar to [[w:Man-Bat|Man-Bat]] in the first ''Batman: TAS'' episode, "On Leather Wings"]'' :'''Pilot''': Did you see that? ==Season 3== ===''I Am Legion'' [3.1]=== :'''Lex Luthor''': What? I know. I'm going as fast as I can. :'''Warden''': Luthor! Don't make any sudden moves. It's over. Hold fire! Hold Fire! :'''[[w:Key (comics)|Key]]''': Here we are, Mr. Luthor. Your benefactor is looking forward to meeting you. :'''Lex Luthor''': Does the mystery man have a name? :'''Gorilla Grodd''': No need to be insulting, Lex - I'm far superior to any man. :'''Lex Luthor''': Grodd! I appreciate the help, but gratitude only goes so far. I'm not interested in working with you or anyone else. :'''Gorilla Grodd''': I think you'll change your mind once you've seen what I have to offer. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': Why would you even try to move a prisoner that dangerous without calling us? :'''Warden''': Maybe because we thought we could do our jobs without help from the mighty Justice League. :'''Shayera Hol''': And yet... here we are. :'''Superman''': Okay, Shayera, what's done is done. Let's see if we can pick up his trail. Aztek? :'''Aztek''': The wall's submolecular integrity has been compromised. :'''Shayera Hol''': Leptons showing residual weak-force interactions? :'''Aztek''': Yeah. How did you know? :'''Superman''': It's a common energy signature of matter-phasing technology. I assume it doesn't leave a trail? :'''Shayera Hol''': No such luck. Maybe Aztek could... :'''[[King Faraday|King Faraday]]''': You guys want some coffee? Apparently I got nothing better to do here. :'''Superman''': Sorry, we got caught up in the work. :'''King Faraday''': Special Agent King Faraday. I'm the liaison between the Attorney General's office and the Justice League. :'''Aztek''': Uh, good to meet you. I'm... :'''King Faraday''': Aztek. I've been well briefed on all of you. Security on Luthor's transfer was lax because it didn't seem necessary. We haven't had a peep outta him since he was arrested for that Brainiac business last summer. :'''Warden''': He's a broken man. Just sits in his cell talking to himself. :'''Shayera Hol''': When he's not stealing police vans you mean? :'''Warden''': That came out of nowhere. We had no reason to think he was an active threat. :'''King Faraday''': Do what you can. Put out an APB, stake out airports, train and bus stations. :'''Warden''': Already done, for what it's worth. :'''King Faraday''': If he's sighted, don't approach him. Call in the League. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Warden''': My people can handle this. :'''King Faraday''': No, they can't. Your people are good, Luthor is better. And if you get a lead on him, I expect to be kept in the loop. :'''Superman''': Of course. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gorilla Grodd''': The world's most powerful supervillains, banded together with one common goal. :'''Lex Luthor''': They protect each other from the Justice League. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mairzey''': Chuck? :'''Chuck Sirianni''': What is it, honey? :'''Mairzey''': Your old footlocker's beeping. At first I thought it was the smoke detector. :'''Chuck Sirianni''': That ain't no smoke alarm. It's a sound I never thought I'd hear again. There's trouble on Blackhawk Island. :'''Superman''': Aztek didn't find anything else? :'''Fire''': Sorry, Superman. It was a bad lead. :'''Superman''': Nobody's fault. When you guys do pick up Luthor's trail, call me. I want in. :'''Shayera Hol''': You know what? This new monitor-duty rotation isn't so bad. No more overnights unless you want them. Only one shift a week and you're done. Wally? :'''Flash''': Mmm. :'''Fire''': I'm telling you, you should let it grow out. :''[Flash is staring at Fire from across the room]'' :'''Shayera Hol''': Why don't you just go talk to her? :'''Flash''': What, me? Talk to her No way! :'''Shayera Hol''': Yeah, you'd probably be wasting your time anyway. I hear she's... :'''Fire''': you know... ''[Flash looks curiously at her]'' :'''Shayera Hol''': Brazilian. :'''Flash''': Ha, ha. :'''Shayera Hol''': If you're afraid to talk to her, I'll tell her for you. ''[Starts walking over to Fire]'' :'''Flash''': ''[Stopping her]'' Don't! :'''Shayera Hol''': You are so very sad. :'''King Faraday''': Got something for you. Tell Hawkgirl your story, Mr. Sirianni. :'''Chuck Sirianni''': We met a while back, ma'am. Longer for me than for you. When you traveled in time to World War II, you fought alongside my squadron. :'''Shayera Hol''': You're one of the Blackhawks. :'''Chuck Sirianni''': Only one still kicking, I'm sorry to say. :'''Flash''': What's the problem? :'''Chuck Sirianni''': During the war and for decades after, we captured a lot of weapons. Real sci-fi stuff. We hid the worst of it on Blackhawk Island. We decommissioned the place over 30 years ago. But this morning, the old security alarm went off. Might be nothing. :'''Shayera Hol''': Or it might be someone raiding your armory. We'll take a look. Shayera out. Pick a third for the team. :'''Flash''': Um... :'''Shayera Hol''': Oh, Yob Shiggurath! Hey, Fire! :'''Fire''': Yes? :'''Shayera Hol''': We've got a mission. Let's go. :'''Chuck Sirianni''': I'm not going to argue with you about this. :'''Mairzey''': I didn't come to argue. It gets cold up there. :'''Key''': Allow me. Something of a specialty of mine. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Fire''': You haven't said a word the whole trip. :'''Flash''': Buh... :'''Fire''': I was hoping this mission would give us a chance to get to know each other a little better. :'''Flash''': Um, umm, something... :'''Fire''': I understand — you're very deep in thought, mentally preparing for the battle. No time for women — I understand. Oh! :'''Shayera''': Oops! Sorry. Two bogeys closing fast. I'm losing it. We're going down. Get ready to bail. Ejector pod's off-line. We're gonna have to do this the hard way. I got it. :'''Chuck Sirianni''': Hawk! Aah! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash''': That thing's gonna blow! You need both hands to help Shayera - drop me! ''[Fire is uncertain; Flash winks - Fire smiles and lets go]'' ''[in freefall]'' Sure hope I think of something before I hit the ground... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': He ''told'' you to drop him? :'''[[w:Fire (DC Comics)|Fire]]''': He's a senior member of the team! :'''Shayera Hol''': You know he can't ''fly'', right? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash''': ''[Hovering above the ground by spinning his arms]'' Hey ladies, check me out! I'm just like a helicopter! ''[Loses balance and crashes to the ground]'' I'm sorta like a helicopter... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': Don't you ever scare me like that again! ''[stalks off]'' :'''Flash''' : ''[To Fire]'' She loves me. She's like the big sister I never had, only... you know. Short. :'''Chuck Sirianni''': Wait up. I know everything there is to know about this island. You're going to need my help. :'''Flash''': We've got it covered. And, no offense, but you're a little old for this kind of work. :'''Chuck Sirianni''': Something's activated the island's defense grid.You wanna make it outta here alive, I'm coming with you. Whoever's on the island will be headed for master control. That's in a bunker under the Blackhawk Victory Museum. :'''Shayera Hol''': Where you stored the weapons you captured? :'''Chuck Sirianni''': Yeah, there's some serious ordnance there. Even got a couple of old war wheels. :'''Fire''': Wasn't all that stuff destroyed in the war? :'''Chuck Sirianni''': Don't believe everything you see on the Documentary Channel. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash''': War wheels, robot condors. You got a pretty goofy security system here! :'''[[w:Blackhawk (comics)|Chuck Sirianni]]''': Yeah. Good times. :'''Shayera Hol''': I see something. :'''Chuck Sirianni''': Somebody ain't impressed with the security. :'''Key''': We have to hurry. :'''Lex Luthor''': That should keep them occupied. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex Luthor''': You're the human lockpick. Why don't you do this? :'''Key''': Grodd's not testing me. :'''Doctor Polaris''': Company's coming. :'''Chuck Sirianni''': Whoever you guys are, you've got no business being in here. :'''Doctor Polaris''': Sorta goes with the territory — we're thieves. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': We going to do this the hard way, Lex? Please say yes. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash''': Now why is it you always find the keys in the last place you look? :'''Lex Luthor''': Let them go. They're pathetic, but they're with me. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Lex is holding Chuck hostage]'' :'''Chuck Sirianni''': ''[to the Leaguers]'' I'm sorry. If I were 20 years younger... :'''Lex Luthor''': You'd still be ancient. Keep quiet! :'''Watchtower Computer''': Island self-destruct sequence initiated. Three minutes to detonation. :'''Lex Luthor''': Chew on that for a while. We're leaving. If you follow, you know what happens to him. What did you do? Don't bother. We got what we came for. :'''Flash''': Forget it. There's still time for me to run us out to the water. :'''Shayera Hol''': No. I'm not going to let all this history be lost. I can't crack the code, but maybe if I... :'''Chuck Sirianni''': You better let me do that. :'''Watchtower Computer''': Self-destruct sequence canceled. :'''Chuck Sirianni''': Can't fix everything by hitting it. :'''Flash''': What was in there? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gorilla Grodd''': The Spear of Longinus. Hitler believed that whoever holds it is invincible. :'''Lex Luthor''': What are you going to do with it? Sell it to the highest bidder? Keep it yourself and try to conquer the world? :'''Gorilla Grodd''': I was thinking it would look good on the wall in my office. :'''Lex Luthor''': You mean you recruited me, sent me to an island full of death traps, and up against the Justice League. You made me risk my life, and all for nothing?!? :'''Gorilla Grodd''': Essentially... yes. :'''Lex Luthor''': ''[laughs]'' Monkey, I like your style. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex Luthor''': I should kill you! :'''Gorilla Grodd''': But you won't. :'''Lex Luthor''': No. Not today. :'''Fire''': Luthor sure didn't waste any time rounding up a crew. Who were those guys? :'''Flash''': Dr. Polaris and The Key? I don't know. They've never worked with Luthor before. :'''Fire''': All I know is Superman's going to be pretty ticked that we let Luthor get away just to keep some musty old museum from being destroyed. :'''Flash''': It was worth it. ===''Shadow Of The Hawk'' [3.2]=== :'''[[w:Dreamslayer|Dreamslayer]]''': You think you can defeat me with a bubble?!? :''[Dreamslayer uses his flame with more intensity in an attempt to break the bubble, the air runs out with Dreamslayer surrounded by smoke, Lantern dissolves the bubble and watches as Dreamslayer falls on top of a car]]'' :'''Green Lantern''': It's a really good bubble. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Shayera is about to get onto an elevator]'' :'''Green Lantern''': Shayera, I wanted to - ''[doors open; sees Shayera in an evening gown]'' Judas Priest! :'''Shayera Hol''': Problem? :'''Green Lantern''': No, no, it's just, uh... I've... never seen you in a dress before. :'''Shayera Hol''': You don't like it? :'''Green Lantern''': It's, uh... fetching. :'''Shayera Hol''': If you want one for Vixen, I can tell you where I got it. :''[Both get closer, about to kiss]'' :'''Green Lantern''': ''[clears throat]'' Listen... :''[Batman gets on the elevator]'' :'''Batman''': Glad I caught you before you did something stupid. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[on [[w:Hawkman|Carter Hall]]]'' Had an excellent reputation until about five years ago, when he started claiming that aliens landed in ancient Egypt. :'''Shayera Hol''': ''[sarcastic]'' Aliens? Well, then he ''must'' be a lunatic, because we ''know'' there's no life on other planets. :'''Batman''': There's more. :'''Shayera Hol''': What? :'''Batman''': Our Mr. Hall spends quite bit of time on the Internet. :'''Shayera Hol''': Dang, lock him up! :'''Batman''': He frequents the "I Hate Hawkgirl" bulletin boards. :'''Shayera Hol''': That doesn't mean... "Boards"?! How many are there?! :'''Batman''': Fifty-seven. Web rings. Unaffiliated sites number in the hundreds- :'''Shayera Hol''': Forget I asked! :'''Batman''': Hall keeps getting banned from them, for flaming the "Anti-Shayera" posters. :'''Shayera Hol''': So he's a fan? :'''Batman''': He's a ''stalker.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': Carter Hall has uncovered a genuine mystery, and I think it's worth investigating. :'''Green Lantern''': You should take backup. ''[Shayera glares]'' I meant Batman! I- ''we'' don't want you walking into a trap. :'''Shayera Hol''': ''[picking up Thanagarian dagger]'' I can take care of myself, thanks. :'''Batman''': The point is- :'''Shayera Hol''': The ''point'' is you don't trust me. Either of you. ''[Walks to elevator]'' Don't wait up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Carter Hall''': The trick is the raised glyphs. If you push them in the right order, they deactivate all the traps down here. :'''Shayera Hol''': And if you get it wrong? :'''Carter Hall''': Well, we're already in a tomb, so that's handy... <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Carter reveals that he believes he was "Hawkman" in a previous life.]'' :'''Shayera Hol''': I'm sorry. I'm not laughing at you... exactly. I just... I've got the worst taste in men. :'''Carter Hall''': I'm serious, Shayera. :'''Shayera Hol''': I know you are. And I'm in a lost Egyptian tomb with my stalker. The worst part is I'm going to have to listen to John and Batman saying "I told you so." <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': How stupid do you think I am? :'''Batman''': Scale of one to ten? ===''Chaos At The Earth's Core'' [3.3]=== :'''Little girl''': Don't you talk about Supergirl! Supergirl can melt you with her eyes! :'''Stargirl''': Big whoop. My stepdad here is a mecha! :''[S.T.R.I.P.E. waves hello]'' :'''Little girl''': Mecha's so last year. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Supergirl''': Why can't we just fly straight home? :'''Green Lantern''': Over the North Pole is the straightest route. Rookie. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Courtney Whitmore (comics)|Stargirl]]''': She's always "blah, blah, blah, my cousin, blah, blah, BLAH, blah, my cousin." Like we don't know who she means. "Check me out, I'm Supergirl!" :'''[[w:Pat Dugan|S.T.R.I.P.E.]]''': Ask me, Courtney, the only thing that matters is we all pulled through. :'''Stargirl''': Shut up, Pat. It wasn't World War III, it was a giant turtle. :'''S.T.R.I.P.E.''': If I was you, I wouldn't talk behind somebody's back, especially when they got super-hearing. <hr width="50%"/> :''[A powerless Supergirl is under attack by enemies. Stargirl flies down and gloats]'' :'''Supergirl''': What are you waiting for? Zap 'em with your star-thingy! :'''Stargirl''': Oh, may I? 'Cause it would be such an honor to help the great Supergirl out of a jam. :'''Supergirl''': Come on! ''[Stargirl uses her Cosmic Staff and knocks out the attackers]'' You are so loving this! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Lantern''': Let's get this over with. Kara, you... ''[Supergirl leaps off the battlements into the fray with a sword]'' Fine. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Deimos''': My magic is strongest, girl! :'''Stargirl''': Your breath is strongest, dude. That's about it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Deimos''': [''about Stargirl''] Such a pretty child. But then, they're always pretty — when I begin. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Warlord (comics)|Warlord]]''': Deimos! You and me, pal! :'''Deimos''': Morgan. I was hoping to kill you today. :'''Supergirl''': Touch it and you're tinfoil. :'''Metallo''': At this distance... the kryptonite cell that powers me would bring your cousin to his knees. :'''Supergirl''': I'm immune to kryptonite, metal mouth. Give up. :'''Metallo''': If you're immune, love, why do you need that staff? You filthy brat! Where are you? :'''Warlord''': Oof. :''[Deimos laughs]'' :'''Deimos''': You think you've won? No freedom-loving worlord will ever unite the lands and bring peace. Justice. A foolish dream. :'''Warlord''': Maybe so, wizard. But it's the one dream worth fighting for. :'''Deimos''': Oof! :'''Supergirl''': Ugh! :'''Metallo''': You lied, little one. I can see the illness creeping over you. You have none of Superman's strength. :'''Supergirl''': But I got brains. :'''Metallo''': I can't move without my kryptonite battery. But it's killing you. :'''Supergirl''': I won't quit. :'''Stargirl''': You don't have to. :'''Warlord''': Will there ever be another time such as ours? The great stone is safe! Deimos is defeated! Now and forever! Skartaris is free! :'''Green Lantern''': John Corbin. Alias Metallo. Fancy meeting you here in the center of the Earth. Muling kryptonite with Silver Banshee. You could pretty much run forever on this one little chunk. And without it... What do you have? Fifteen minutes of reserve power? Ten? Tell me, why do you want so much? There's enough in that tabernacle to satisfy a hundred Superman haters! :'''Supergirl''': There's a scary thought. :'''Metallo''': You won't get anything out of me. :'''Green Lantern''': Pretty soon you aren't gonna have the breath to talk. Who knows? Five minutes? One? :'''Metallo''': All right. I've joined forces with-- :''[Metallo screaming in agony]'' :'''S.T.R.I.P.E.''': Whoa, Nelly! :'''Green Latnern''': This isn't Silver Banshee's work. Somebody else didn't want Metallo to give them up. :'''Warlord''': You'll take that thing with you. :'''S.T.R.I.P.E.''': Definitely. And the great stone too. Let GL whip it into the sun. :'''Supergirl''': Wait. This is the one place where kryptonite can do some good. :'''Warlord''': That is a fact. :'''Green Lantern''': We don't want Silver Banshee coming back after it. So the only way I'll let the stone stay here is if we seal the portal to Skartaris permanently. :'''Warlord''': Fine by me. I got everything I need... right here. :'''Green Lantern''': There. I doubt even I could get back through. :'''Stargirl''': How you feeling? Need a lift? :'''Supergirl''': No. I'm good. :'''S.T.R.I.P.E.''': Courtney, you slow your butt down! :'''Stargirl''': Ugh. My dad. :'''Supergirl''': I know. Superman tried to keep me on the farm. Made me hide there for three years. :'''Stargirl''': Big deal. I've still got a curfew. Enough cosmic energy to trash a city and I can't stay out past ten. :'''Supergirl''': Three years. On a farm. In Kansas. :'''Green Lantern''': We'll have J'onn probe what's left of Metallo's mind. I wanna know what he was going to say. Something's going on, ain't it? ===''To Another Shore'' [3.4]=== :'''Green Arrow''': ''[wolf whistles]'' Lookin' good, Diana. Got a date? :'''Wonder Woman''': No such luck, Ollie. I'm representing Themyscira at the global warming conference. :'''Green Arrow''': Way to go, man. Save the planet! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': Agent Faraday - what are you doing here? :'''King Faraday''': Not smoking. Want some? ''[offers Wonder Woman gum]'' :'''Wonder Woman''': No thanks. :'''King Faraday''': I'm here with the Special Security Team - the Vice President is attending. But you know that already, I saw you reading him the riot act earlier. :'''Wonder Woman''': I'm not much of a diplomat. :'''King Faraday''': Don't sell yourself short, lady - you're an international incident waiting to happen. ''[walks off]'' By the way, if you raise your voice to the VP again, my men are under orders to shoot you. ''[he pops his gum and points a finger at her, miming a gun. She holds up an arm, showing that she is wearing her bracelets underneath her business suit, and taps her nail against one.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': J'onn, I've got a situation. :'''Martian Manhunter''': Watchtower sensors have picked up the earth tremors from your location. I knew you were on the scene and assumed you could handle it. :'''Wonder Woman''': Well, I can't. I'm outnumbered, and I'm not feeling well. :'''Martian Manhunter''': We're still shorthanded. I could spare Green Arrow, and... Mr. Terrific. :'''Wonder Woman''': Bring who you want, J'onn, but I need ''you!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': I think you'll make a great diplomat...leave your sword. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Killer Frost''': You are a beautiful man. ''[freezes the agent]'' I think I'll keep you. <hr width="50%"/> :[''After escaping from an ice barrier around him''] :'''Green Arrow''': And Black Canary said a buzzsaw arrow was self-indulgent. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Submarine Henchman''': What're ''you'' doing in here? :''[Green Arrow knocks him out]'' :'''Green Arrow''': Well, for one thing, it's freezing outside. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Killer Frost''': ''[To J'onn]'' Let me go, freak! Or so help me, I'll give you frostbite in places you didn't even know you had places! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Killer Frost''': Kiss my frosty butt! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Faraday''': Attention, unidentified craft. This is Special Agent King Faraday. Your vessel is currently surrounded by three United States Navy Seawolf-class submarines. While I strongly suggest that you surrender immediately and prepare to be boarded, I really enjoy firing Trident missiles at tiny little subs, so the decision's entirely up to you. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Wonder Woman reads from ''[[w:The Rime of the Ancient Mariner|The Rime of the Ancient Mariner]]'' as [[w:Viking Prince|Prince Jon]]'s body and ship are sent into the Sun.]'' :And now all in my own country :I stood on the firm land! :The Hermit stepped forth from the boat :And scarcely he could stand. :"O shrieve me, shrieve me, holy man!" :The Hermit crossed his brow. :"Say quick," quoth he, "I bid thee say- :What manner of man art thou?" :Forthwith this frame of mine was wrenched :With a woeful agony, :Which forced me to begin my tale; :And then it left me free. :Since then, at an uncertain hour :That agony returns; :And till my ghastly tale is told, :This heart within me burns. :I pass, like night, from land to land; :I have strange power of speech; :That moment that his face I see, :I know the man that must hear me; :To him my tale I teach. ===''Flash And Substance'' [3.5]=== :'''Mirror Master''': Gentlemen, we live in brutal times. Last week, to make ends meet, I was reduced to hijacking a tractor-trailer full of sports cars. :'''Captain Cold''': That is so beneath you. At least knock over a bank. :'''Trickster''': You gotta visualize. :'''Captain Cold''': Visualize? What the heck does that mean? If I don't "visualize" a mortgage payment soon, the wife will have me bagging groceries for a living. :'''Captain Boomerang''': She's always been an Ice Queen, that one. <hr width="50%"/> :''[After quickly dashing into a janitor's closet]'' :'''Flash''': ''[as Wally West]'' Watchtower, table for one. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Captain Boomerang''': Well, at least he didn't make me eat my own laser kaleidoscope... :'''Mirror Master''': That's a rumor! A complete exaggeration. And anyway, it was a laser pistol. :'''Captain Cold''': It's like that time I stole an entire train while it was moving. The way people tell it, you'd think the Flash shoved my cold gun- <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mirror Master''': So, we're the hardest men in town- :'''Waitress''': ''[clears throat]'' What'll it be, boys? :'''Captain Boomerang''': [[w:Arnold Palmer (drink)|Arnold Palmer]]. :'''Trickster:''' Cherry cola! :'''Mirror Master''': Decaf soy latte. :'''Captain Cold''': Milk. ''[the others stare at him; sheepishly]'' My ulcer's been acting up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash''': Oh right, uh, cause it's Flash Appreciation Day. Yeah, it'll be great. I understand if everybody's too busy to come, no biggie. My mom's gonna be there. Let's see, my uncle's flying in. Be great if one of the original seven made it. I mean, okay, yeah, it's the Flash Museum, but to me, the whole League deserves the honor, all of us, like I said no biggie... ''[sighs sorrowfully]'' :'''Batman''': What time? :'''Flash''': Six o'clock. ''[realizes]'' Nooooo... You're really coming?! Awesome! You're a stand up guy, Bats! Don't ever let them call you a crazed loner. ''[leaves]'' :'''Orion''': ''[to Batman]'' I can't believe you let that buffoon manipulate you. You'd never catch me at one of those museum openings. ''[Batman glares at him]'' ...It's not black tie, is it? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash''': Mirror Master! :'''Mirror Master''': You’re quick as ever. :'''Flash''': Yeah? Well, you’re... you’re not really all there! :'''Mirror Master''': Oh, nice try. If you'd had another ''minute'' you’d probably think of a decent comeback. ''[the disco ball starts firing random lasers at Flash, who evades]'' Sadly you don't have the time. ''[one of the blasts takes Flash down]'' In another minute you'll be dead! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash''': While you're waiting for me to come arrest you, why not take the time and ''reflect'' on your mistakes? ''[walks away]'' Hey, that was pretty good. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Flash is tied to a giant rocket-powered boomerang]'' :'''Flash''': ''[To Captain Boomerang]'' I swear, when I get outta this, I'm gonna find you and hurl all over you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Captain Boomerang''': Touch of dizziness. You might find it useful to fix on one point on the horizon. For instance, that mountain you're set to crash into. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Orion''': Flash? :'''Flash''': Hey, guys. :'''Orion''': You're tied to a very large boomerang. :'''Flash''': Yeah...? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash''': Listen, I need to go home and change before the opening tonight. :'''Batman''': We're coming with you. :'''Flash''': You really don't have to. :'''Batman''': ''We're coming''... With you. :'''Flash''': ''[sighs]'' OK! You guys are so slow! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After hearing the Trickster's overly elaborate plan]'' :'''Captain Cold''': You know what? Taking turns is dumb. Let's just all jump him at the museum. :'''Mirror Master''': Brilliant! :'''Captain Boomerang''': Good deal. :'''Trickster''': But come on. It'll be great. ''[the other Rogues leave as Trickster continues]'' Okay, you don't like the barf? I can make do with 50,000 rotten eggs and a chainsaw. Well, if that's the way you're gonna be, forget about it! I quit! Nobody gets me. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Flash, Batman, and [[w: Orion (comics)|Orion]] enter a bar to confront the [[w: Trickster (comics)|Trickster]]. The Rogues spot them and dash out.]'' :'''Trickster''': I mean what's so special about a "disco of death?" Heck with 'em! I'm an artist! They're just robbing banks. Captain Cold, Captain Boomerang... Probably would have gone for it if I was a "Captain"... :''[Flash clears his throat.]'' :'''Trickster''': Got ya! :''[Trickster fires a gun with a nose-shaped barrel. Batman slaps it away, and the blast hits the pool table behind them.]'' :'''Trickster''': It's a snot gun. Ha ha. :'''Batman''': Where are the others? :'''Trickster''': Those crabby hacks can go plug a hole for all I care. But I'm not about to rat 'em out! :'''Batman''': Orion? :'''Orion''': ''[grabs Trickster]'' Talk, while you still have a jaw! :'''Flash''': Hey hey! Would you guys ''please'' take it down a notch? Let me handle this. ''[leads Trickster back to the bar and sits with him]'' James, you're off your meds, aren't you? :'''Trickster''': Better off without 'em. Take 'em if I start feeling down. :'''Flash''': You know that's not how the medicine works. You're not well! :'''Trickster''': I'm ''fine''. You wanna throw some darts? :'''Flash''': No. Listen, James. You're wearing the suit again! :'''Trickster''': I am? ''[examines his clothing]'' Well, whaddaya know? :'''Flash''': Here's the deal, buddy. Tell me where those guys went, and I'll come see you in the hospital. We'll play darts...! The soft kind. :'''Trickster''': Okay, they're gonna ambush you at the Flash Museum. :'''Flash''': See? That's all we needed! ''[gets up to leave with Batman and Orion]'' Come on, we better get over there. :'''Orion''': What about your enemy? :'''Flash''': Oh, right! ''[Calls to Trickster]'' Dude, soon as you finish your drink, turn yourself in! :'''Trickster''': ''[raising his mug]'' Got me again, Flash! <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Linda_Park_(comics)|Linda Park]]''': When we come back, I'll try to get with him... Get ''to'' him... For an interview... Are we off? Geez. He's a total babe. Like the entire track team at once. I can't believe you're not into him, Marla. :'''Marla''': Okay... Now you're off. ''[Linda face-palms with her notes in embarrassment]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Orion''': ''[about Flash]'' Central City builds statues to this... fool. Who makes bad jokes. Who concerns himself with pitiful men like the Trickster. I don't understand. :'''Batman''': No... you don't. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Captain Cold''': That's it? I was all set to crack some bones. :'''Orion''': Then brace yourself! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Orion''': Now I understand. You play the fool to hide a warrior's pain. :'''Flash''': Dude. Bad guys went down, and no one got hurt. You know what I call that? A really good day. ===''Dead Reckoning'' [3.6]=== :'''The Master''': I know you are here, Boston Brand. :'''Deadman''': ''[Appears]'' What's the point of being a flippin'ghost if you can't even sneak up on people? For that matter, what's the point of being a ghost, period? It's been over a year since I caught the man who murdered me. :'''The Master''': So your work here is done. You are ready to pass on to the next level? :'''Deadman''': I don't know what "ready" means, but I feel like I done my time. :'''The Master''': And yet, here you are. :'''Deadman''': “Here you are”? What kind of lousy wisdom is “Here you are?” :'''The Master''': If you seek knowledge, you have but to ask. :'''Deadman''': I've avenged my own death. Why am I still here? :'''The Master''': Your destiny is not to avenge your own death. Your destiny is to avenge mine. :'''Deadman''': What? :''[In the Himalayas]'' :'''Devil Ray''': Grodd never sends us to any place nice. :'''Taj Ze''': This humble one begs your forgiveness, but to enter this sacred place, the right must be earned. :'''Devil Ray''': ''[Shoots him]'' Keep the change. :'''Young Monk''': This humble one begs your forgiveness... but no outsider is permitted in the temple of Nanda Parbat. :'''Atomic Skull''': That's cute, kid. Get out of the way or I'll spank you. :'''Young Monk''': This would also not be permitted. :''[Atomic Skull grunting]'' :'''Devil Ray''': ''[chuckles]'' Little Bruce Lee's got your number. Lucky thing you've got us for backup. :'''Young Monk''': This humble one would not presume to fight you alone. :'''Ramparge''': Now things are getting interesting. :'''Lex Luthor''': Take them down. Bizarro, you despise me right? :'''Bizarro''': Uh-huh. Bizarro hate Luthor. Me do anything for he. :'''Lex Luthor''': Good—I mean, bad. Anyway, take care of those monks. :'''Bizarro''': Okay. :'''Devil Ray''': Stand aside or you're dead. :'''The Master''': In the fullness of time, we are all dead. This is not the way to end my life. Ah! :''[Deadman gasps]'' :'''Deadman''': Master! :'''The Master''': Do not waste your time, Boston Brand. This portion of my journey has come to an end. :'''Deadman''': But-- :'''The Master''': We will meet again. :'''Deadman''': I'm gonna make you pay! :'''Lex Luthor''': Rampage, what's wrong with you? :'''Tala''': She has been possessed. Out, undead spirit! :''[Deadman screaming]'' :'''Rampage''': What just happened? :'''Tala''': This is it. The heart of Nanda Parbat. We have what we came for. It's time to leave. :''[Deadman groans]'' :''[Deadman crying]'' :'''Tala''': I have done as you ask, Lord Grodd. :'''Lex Luthor''': Get off your knees, woman. :'''Tala''': Not until my master says so. :'''Gorilla Grodd''': Excellent work, my dear. You may rise. :'''Lex Luthor''': You're pathetic. Debasing yourself like that. :'''Tala''': I owe Grodd everything. I would still be trapped in that mirror if he hadn't freed me. :'''Devil Ray''': When Giganta gets out of prison, she ain't gonna appreciate you hanging on to her boyfriend like that. :'''Tala''': That's her problem. Giganta's not nearly enough woman for Grodd. :'''Gorilla Grodd''': True. :'''Lex Luthor''': If you're quite finished demonstrating what an alpha male you are, maybe you'd care to explain what you intend to do with that thing. :'''Gorilla Grodd''': Already told you, but you won't accept it. You don't believe in magic. :'''Lex Luthor''': It's not a matter of belief. I'm just unaccustomed to working with something I don't fully understand. :'''Gorilla Grood''': As long as the amplifier you built for me works... :'''Lex Luthor''': It does. :'''Gorilla Grodd''': Then consider this an exotic power source. You don't need to understand anything more. :'''Lex Luthor''': You can't produce a carrier wave of the amplitude you talk about with this building's cloaking field generator. :'''Gorilla Grodd''': So you've convinced me. I don't intend to use our field generator. :'''Lex Luthor''': You're planning to build one? :'''Gorilla Grood''': Luthor, Luthor, Luthor. Why build when we can take what we want? Gentlemen, shall we go? :'''Deadman''': Rama Kushna. Just like you to show up too late to help. :'''Rama Kushna''': Your impertinence is refreshing as always. But have a care. The gods are capricious. :'''Deadman''': What do you want from me? The master is dead. They're all dead. :'''Rama Kushna''': Do not presume to lecture me on the nature of reality. The monks have not yet passed from this plane. :'''Deadman''': They're in some kind of coma? :'''Rama Kushna''': That is as close to the truth as you are capable of comprehending. You must retrieve the heart of Nanda Parbat, or they will remain in their current state for all time. I have spoken. :'''Deadman''': How the heck am I supposed to do that? :'''Superman''': Is that really everything? :'''Batman''': We're done. All reports filed. :'''Wonder Woman''': Good. What you guys say we get something to eat? We hardly spend time together when we're not working. :'''Superman''': Sounds good to me. But I'm tired of commissary food. :'''Batman''': I'd like to, Diana, but I've been away from Gotham too long. :'''Superman''': Come on, Bruce. I know a burger place in Metropolis that has the best fries on the East Coast. And the milkshakes are so thick-- ''[is possessed by [[w: Deadman|Deadman]]]'' :'''Deadman''': I need your help. :'''Wonder Woman''': That's pretty thick. :'''Superman''': I'm serious. I need your help on a mission of vengeance. Now, don't be alarmed, but I'm not Superman. I'm-- :'''Batman''': A ghost, inhabiting his body. Is that you, Boston? :'''Superman''': Hi, Bats. When I'm working, people call me "Deadman." :'''Wonder Woman''': You know this... ghost? :'''Superman''': Yeah, Batman helped me solve my own murder a while back. Now I need your help again. :'''Wonder Woman''': If you hurt Superman, I'll-- :'''Superman''': Relax. He doesn't even know I'm in here. :'''Batman''': We can't see or hear him, otherwise. Once he leaves, Superman will be fine. :'''Superman''': It's like he says. :'''Batman''': Why are you still around? I thought once your murder was solved, your exile was ended. :'''Superman''': You and me both. You know how they say, "No good deed goes unpunished"? I guess I shot my mouth off to the wrong deity. :'''Wonder Woman''': What's this about? :'''Superman''': A bunch of supervillains busted into Nanda Parbat and stole a mystic totem filled with the souls of hundreds of monks. And they killed the master. :'''Wonder Woman''': Batman? :'''Superman''': He knew the master even before I did. :'''Batman''': He was one of my martial arts teachers. :'''Superman''': With all the power in this body, it'd be easy to punish the men responsible. If I could find them. :'''Batman''': That's not the master's way. Or yours. We'll find them, and we'll see that justice is done. Not vengeance. :'''Superman''': Yeah. Fun to think about, though. :'''Wonder Woman''': Let's go up to Ops and see if you can't pick the bad guys out of a photo array. You're sure that's not the magician you saw? :'''Superman''': Nope. All the rest of them are right on, though. :'''Batman''': First sign of Luthor since Shayera saw him on Blackhawk Island. What's he up to? :'''Wonder Woman''': This seems like it might be bigger than Luthor. Agent Faraday told me Devil Ray escaped from prison. And Bizarro showing up again... And all the odd teams of previously unaffiliated villains-- :'''Batman''': Whose brains have conveniently been shorting out when we questioned them. :'''Mr. Terrific''': Do you guys remember the one bit of information J'onn was able to pull out of Giganta's mind before it shut down? :'''Wonder Woman''': Grodd. Think he's put together a new secret society? :'''Batman''': Except this time he's doing a better job of keeping the secret. :'''Wonder Woman''': So how do we find them? :'''Superman''': I wish I could help. I can feel the psychic screams of the souls they stole. But I can't pinpoint a location. All I get are images of Africa. I know. A continent doesn't much narrow things down, but it's all I can... :'''Wonder Woman''': Gorilla City. He's gone back home. :'''Batman''': ''[From the Watchtower]'' Solovar, this is Batman. :'''Solovar''': What a coincidence. I was just about to call you. :'''Batman''': We wanted to give you a heads-up. We got reason to believe... ''[Solovar is shown crouching behind rubble, holding a gun. Sounds of battle]'' ...Grodd's coming your way. :'''Solovar''': You don't say! That would explain the armies of supervillains attacking the city! :'''Batman''': How bad? :'''Solovar''': They've all but taken over. They're holding the central control building. We could use some help if you have any to spare. Can't chat. Signing off? :'''Deadman''': ''[Possessing Superman]'' Gorilla City? :'''Wonder Woman''': A hidden city of talking, hyper-intelligent gorillas, with technology far beyond anything humans have developed. :'''Deadman''': No, really! :'''Wonder Woman''': You're a ghost from the Himalayas, having trouble believing this? :'''Deadman''': Point. :'''Deadman''': ''[Possessing Superman]'' You know, when they beam down on a [[Star Trek that TV show]], they never miss. :'''Wonder Woman''': We didn't miss, either. It's a force field, but it also hides the city from prying eyes. :'''Deadman''': ''[Possessing Superman]'' Looks like a job for Superman! :''[Superman grunting]'' :'''Batman''': You're wasting time! Go in as a ghost. Find the central control and shut down the shield generator. We'll follow as soon as we can. :'''Deadman''': ''[Possessing Superman]'' Yeah, okay! :''[Deadman leaves Superman's body]'' :'''Superman''': ...you have to eat them(i.e. the milkshakes at Superman's favorite burger restaurant) with a spoon! ''[looks around]'' What am I doing in Africa? :'''Deadman''': ''[Possessing Atomic Skull]'' You two, Devil Ray wants you outside right now. Go on. I'll take care of things here. You'd think the thing would be a big red button, or at least have a sign on it or something. The heck with it. :''[Atomic skull grunting]'' :'''Superman''': That's our cue. :'''Lex Luthor''': Skull! What do you think you're doing?! :'''Atomic Skull''': I gotta say, I don't have a good answer for you. :'''Tala''': It's the ghost. He's here again. But this time, I will take care of him for good. :''[Deadman screaming]'' :''[Deadman screaming]'' :'''Tala''': I cannot destroy him. :'''Gorilla Grodd''': Can you at least get him out of our hair for a bit? :'''Tala''': Yes. I banish you from this place, evil spirit. :''[Deadman grunting]'' :'''Lex Luthor''': We lost shield power for 41 seconds before the backup kicked in. We have to assume-- :'''Gorilla Grodd''': That the Justice League is here. They are headed this way. We need more time to complete our work. Then it won't matter. :'''Lex Luthor''': I'm on it. Bizarro. Superman is your best friend. Do you understand? :'''Bizarro''': Bizarro understand. Superman am friend. Bizarro must kill him. :'''Deadman''': ''[Possessing Wonder Woman]'' You killed my teacher. My friend. :'''Devil Ray''': You'll have to be more specific, lady. I've killed a lot of people. :'''Wonder Woman''': The old monk. :''[Devil Ray grunting]'' :''[Devil Ray groans]'' :'''Devil Ray''': What are you waiting for? You want revenge? Take it. :'''Wonder Woman''': No. That's not what he would have wanted. ''[angered because Deadman possessed her to fight Devil Ray]'' Next time, ask permission! :'''Gorilla Grodd''': Tala, we're ready for the heart. :'''Lex Luthor''': Good. Then all I have to do is install this mind control module, and you'll be able to project your will over the entire world. Present company excepted, of course. :'''Gorilla Grodd''': Actually, that's just what I wanted you to think. My true plans are far more grand. Tala? :'''Lex Luthor''': Some sort of genetic reconfiguration matrix? :'''Gorilla Grodd''': You show impressive intellect for a homo sapiens. Using the massive carrier wave that, thanks to you, Gorilla City's shield generator can now produce-- I'm about to send a signal that will rewrite human DNA. A devolution ray that will turn every man, woman, and child on Earth into an ape! :''[Bizarro groans]'' :''[Bizarro grunting]'' :'''Batman''': You okay? :'''Superman''': Yeah. Let's wrap this up. :'''Wonder Woman''': ''[turned into a gorilla]'' Oh, come on! :'''Lex Luthor''': ''[turned into a gorilla]'' Why am I not surprised? :'''Gorilla Grodd''': Don't bother. It's too late. :'''Superman''': ''[turned into a gorilla]'' Tell me how to stop it. :'''Gorilla Grodd''': Get us out of here, Tala. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': Is everything okay? :'''Wonder Woman''': Well, I’m sort of missing Flash’s obligatory joke about how Grodd made a monkey out of us. :'''Superman''': Just couldn’t let it go unsaid. :'''Wonder Woman''': Obligatory. :'''Deadman''': That's it, guys. Yuk it up. You saved the world, but I failed. Everyone in Nanda Parbat is gone-- forever. :'''Solovar''': We're in your debt again, Justice League. :'''Superman''': If only Luthor and Grodd hadn't gotten away. :'''Solovar''': If it's any consolation, we've picked up nearly a dozen of his super-powered cronies-- with more to come, I'm sure. :''[Devil Ray groans]'' :''[Devil Ray screaming]'' :'''Batman''': No. I didn't mean. :''[Batman grunting]'' :'''Superman''': Bruce, Deadman took over your body. It wasn't your fault. :'''Deadman''': Let me explain. He would have shot her. I didn't have a choice. :'''Rama Kushna''': Boston Brand, your actions have led to the death of another. :'''Deadman''': I'm sorry. I-- I didn't mean to-- :'''Rama Kushna''': Intentions are immaterial. You were gifted with power to be used to balance the scales of karma. Because of your actions, the scale now is unbalanced. :'''Deadman''': Unbalanced? Thanks to Devil Ray and his team, the master and all the other monks are dead. :'''Rama Kushna''': Incorrect. When the heart was shattered, the essences of the monks were set free. Even now their souls return to their rightful places. :'''The Master''': No one dies in Nanda Parbat. But the scales are unbalanced. Your work in this world is not yet done. :''[After Gorilla Grodd's plan has failed]'' :'''Lex Luthor''': Since there's only one monkey left around here, I'm assuming that the Justice League found a way to stop the carrier wave. :'''Gorilla Grodd''': There's more than one way to peel a banana. Next time- :'''Lex Luthor''': I wasn't going to do this for another couple of weeks, but seriously... ''[rises from table and draws a gun]'' Turning all of humanity into ''apes''? ''[aims weapon at Grodd]'' ''That'' was your master plan?! ''[Shoots Grodd, then turns to the other villains]'' Listen up! From now on, ''I'm'' in charge of this operation. Anybody got a problem with that? :''[No one challenges him; Tala sidles up to him]'' :'''Tala''': No problem at all... baby. ===''Patriot Act'' [3.7]=== :'''Amanda Waller''': You look well, General. The past few months have been good to you. :'''General Wade Eiling''': Mrs. Waller, due respect, this reassignment is a joke. Never thought I'd become a desk drone. :'''Amanda Waller''': I can't help you there. Langley all but scrapped Project Cadmus and insisted on your transfer. We're lucky we're not all in jail. :'''General Wade Eiling''': Look, the only mistake we made was trusting Luthor. :'''Amanda Waller''': ''Wade''. You know better than to dwell on the past. :'''[[w:General Wade Eiling|General Wade Eiling]]''': I'm talking about right now. The Justice League is still the single greatest threat to global security. :'''Amanda Waller''': I used to believe that too. But remember: we used to say the same about the Soviets. Our enemies are never as evil as we imagine... and maybe we're never quite as good. :'''General Wade Eiling''': Nuts. Don't tell me the bleeding hearts in Congress got to you. :'''Amanda Waller''': I'd eat them alive. :'''General Wade Eiling''': You would too. You've got some onions, Amanda. :'''Amanda Waller''': Then listen to me. I'm not the League's greatest fan, but their intentions are good. I ''can'' work with them. :'''General Wade Eiling''': What if you're wrong, though? Turns out the metahumans ''aren't'' on the side of the angels? We won't have any way to defend ourselves. Look what happened last year: Superman walked into Cadmus and tossed our best men like a salad. :'''Amanda Waller''': Oh, for heaven's sake. :'''General Wade Eiling''': What's to stop him from doing it again? They're all orbiting us with a space weapon, ''supposedly'' decommissioned. That's a much bigger threat than the Russians ever were. If we'd rolled over like this with the Soviet Union, given up our nukes... :'''Amanda Waller''': We'd all be living under a red flag? :'''General Wade Eiling''': Yes, ma'am, you'd better believe it. After all our work, what did Cadmus accomplish? You get a reprimand, I'm pushing pencils, and the League gets another base here on Earth, that Metro Tower. When one side loses ground and the other side gains, that isn't a truce - it's a surrender! :'''Amanda Waller''': It's a different world, General. Learn to live in it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mister Terrific''': Green Lantern, what's your status? :'''Green Lantern''': This sun's going nova any day now. It's worse than we thought. We'll have to deploy twice as many fusion dampers. :'''Mister Terrific''': You're breaking up. Say again? :'''Green Lantern''': The main point is, this is gonna take a while. :'''Mister Terrific''': Understood. We've got it covered on this end. Check in whenever you can. Watchtower out. Green Arrow, S.T.R.I.P.E., Stargirl, Vigilante and Shining Knight, meet me on the bridge. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Soldier''': ''[in General Eiling's grip]'' Don't kill me! :'''General Wade Eiling''': I wouldn't kill you, soldier. You're just doing your job. And now I'm going to do mine... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Vigilante''': Ha! The exact second the movie's over, we get a mission. Dang if that ain't lucky! :'''[[w:Shining Knight|Shining Knight]]''': I still say this [[w:Clint Eastwood|Clint Eastwood]] dishonored himself when he refused to - what was it? "Play by the rules"? :'''Vigilante''': Partner, your medieval upbringing has done left ya' unschooled in the ways of the movin' picture. :'''Shining Knight''': No, his proper duty is to his police captain. I see why they call him "[[w:Dirty Harry|dirty]]." He besmirches his order. :'''Vigilante''': Sir Justin, if you're gonna be watchin' stuff on my big TV with the 5.1 surround sound, you had best watch what you say about Mr. Clint Eastwood. :'''Mister Terrific''': Half of our resources are in deep space. We're short-handed. :'''S.T.R.I.P.E.''': Right. I'll take a real assignment over Watchtower duty any day. :'''Green Arrow''': So who's left up here with you? The Ray? :'''Mister Terrific''': He's with Vixen, checking out an explosion in the Aleutians. Flash and Supergirl aren't finished in Madagascar. :'''Green Arrow''': You're spreading us a little thin. :'''Mister Terrific''': We go where we're needed, Green Arrow. Did you second guess the Martian like this? :'''Green Arrow''': Sorry, my bad. You're the big-picture guy. :'''Mister Terrific''': I've got it all worked out. There's just this one mission in Metropolis. I need you people to fill in for Superman. :'''Stargirl''': Cool. :'''Rick Wilson''': Welcome back to the Daily Planet and Hubell's Department Stores' 87th Annual Metro Merchants Parade. I'm Rick Wilson. :'''Kaitlin O'Shaughnessy-Ruiz''': And I'm Kaitlin O'Shaughnessy-Ruiz. And who's passing the reviewing stand now but the Veterans Legion honor guard followed by the Madison High School marching band. :'''Rick Wilson''': Yes, and just look who's coming next. An old, dear friend. It's a bird. It's a plane. It's Superman. :'''Kaitlin O'Shaughnessy-Ruiz''': That's right, Rick. Superman is held by officers from the police department's 19th precinct. And next up, more heroes. Some of the brave policemen, firefighters and emergency workers who serve Metropolis every day. :'''Rick Wilson''': And riding with them, well, the actual Superman can't be here today but he sent along some of his Justice League cohorts. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shining Knight''': I'd slay the ogre Blunderbore all over again rather than put myself on display in this manner. Even though that ogre turned out to be- :'''Vigilante, Stargirl, S.T.R.I.P.E. and Green Arrow''': Morgaine le Fey. :'''S.T.R.I.P.E.''': We've all heard it. :'''Shining Knight''': ...'Tis a good story. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Stargirl''': So, what? Since we don't have superpowers it takes five of us to replace one Superman? :'''Police officer''': Excuse me. I just want to thank you Justice League guys for turning out in force. It means a lot to us. :'''Green Arrow''': Hey, we can't thank you enough. You're the real heroes. :'''Shining Knight''': It's you the people come to honor. :'''Stargirl''': Great. Now I'm petty. :'''Green Arrow''': See where it says "Heroes one and all"? That's what it's all about. The crowd doesn't care who can bench press a mountain, or shoot lasers out of their ears. :'''Old lady''': Where's Superman? :'''Man''': How come none of the good ones are here? :'''Kid #2''': I didn't come here to see some stupid cowboy! :'''Man #2''': I don't think vigilantes are good role models, especially ones with guns! :'''Woman''': I came to see Superman! <hr width="50"%/> :[''the now-superpowered General Eiling crashes the Metropolis parade''] :'''General''': General Eiling, sir. What brings you back to Cadmus? :'''General Wade Eiling''': Just came to collect something I left behind. :'''General Wade Eiling''': I want you men posted at the entrance to this wing. Nobody in or out. :'''Henchmann''': Yes, sir. :'''Dr. Anderson''': General, what are you doing? :'''General Wade Eiling''': Hello, Dr. Anderson. I left my reading glasses in the bio vault and can't seem to get back in. :'''Dr. Anderson''': That code was changed six months ago. You're not authorized. :'''General Wade Eiling''': The new code. Now. :'''Dr. Anderson''': General, no. That serum's unstable. :'''General Wade Eiling''': I read the report. :'''Dr. Anderson''': So you know about the horrible disfigurations. The test animals... :'''General Wade Eiling''': Too late now. :'''Dr. Anderson''': Shoot to kill. Now. While you still can. :'''General Wade Eiling''': Where's Superman? :'''Green Arrow''': Busy. Can I help you? :'''General Wade Eiling''': Yeah. Hold this for me! ''[hurls a cart at Green Arrow]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Stargirl''': We're taking this someplace else. Haven't you ever heard of innocent bystanders? :'''General Wade Eiling''': You ever hear of acceptable losses? You can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs. This country is halfway down the toilet because of you super-powered types. :'''Stargirl''': For the record, I don't have powers, pottymouth. It's the staff! :'''General Wade Eiling''': ''[slamming Stargirl into the ground]'' In that case, miss, then you're just another egg. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Vigilante''': You hit 'im high, I'll hit 'im low! :'''Green Arrow''': Whatever! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': You wanted Superman? Now you've got-''[Speedy and Crimson Avenger teleport in]''- The Crimson Avenger and my ex-sidekick. :'''Speedy''': Ex-''partner''. :'''Green Arrow''': Speedy, we gotta do this now? :'''General Wade Eiling''': Oooh, now I'm scared. <hr width="50%"/> :'''General Wade Eiling''': You spoiled, rich little twerp! :'''Green Arrow''': I think he means me. :'''Speedy''': Oh. For a second, I was all mad. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': You still got your quantum arrow? :'''Speedy''': Yeah, but you said... :'''Green Arrow''': This ''is'' an emergency! <hr width="50%"/> :'''General Wade Eiling''': Superman, you coward! All your men are down, and you won't even show your face! :'''Shining Knight''': He cannot hear even your bellowing, monster. As we speak, Superman rescues an entire star system a universe away. Do your worst - I'll not let you harm another. :'''General Wade Eiling''': I do what I do in service to my country. :'''Shining Knight''': Once, at the word of my lord King Arthur, I was ordered to lay waste to an entire village. I knew my king's heart could not be so unjust, so I spared them all. :'''General Wade Eiling''': Then you're a lousy soldier. :''[Eiling punches the Shining Knight in the jaw]'' :'''Shining Knight''': There it is...the creeping moral decay of the past thousand years. :''[Shining Knight swings his sword at General Eiling, who dodges easily]'' :'''Shining Knight''': Arthur ''thanked'' me, oaf! Had I been wrong, I would have handed over my sword and left the court in shame! :''[Eiling slams Shining Knight into the ground]'' :'''General Wade Eiling''': Save yourself a hospital stay and stand down. That magic armor won't help you. :'''Shining Knight''': Have at thee! :''[Shining Knight tries to punch Eiling, but is slammed into the ground again]'' :'''General Wade Eiling''': You're a relic. In this world, power is the only thing that matters. You and those other no-name heroes, you're just people. In the great scheme of things, nothing you do has the least bit of significance. ''[Shining Knight rises again, but Eiling punches him again]'' I'll waste you and a billion like you before you before I allow any power to rival America's. It's my duty. :'''Shining Knight''': You don't know what the word means! :'''General Wade Eiling''': You can't win. :'''Shining Knight''': I'll die as befits a knight, defending the weak. ''[falls to his knees]'' :'''General Wade Eiling''': Why don't you give up? :'''Shining Knight''': Why don't ''you?'' :''[General Eiling kicks Shining Knight, then lifts a car]'' :'''General Wade Eiling''': Superman and your Justice League are a threat to a safe and stable world. :''[He turns to crush Shining Knight, only to find several civilians standing protectively around him]'' :'''Old Woman''': Drop the act! You think killing Superman would make the world safe? Or killing this boy? Or us? Tell me - how many of us do you have to kill to keep us safe? :'''General Wade Eiling''': They're the ones I'm after, not you. I'm not the menace, metahumans are. Superpowered beings. :'''Boy''': ''You're'' the only one around here with superpowers. :''[After a tense silence, Eiling drops the car]'' :'''General Wade Eiling''': All right, I've become what I hate, I'll give you that. But in the long run, you'll see I was right. You'll see you need the likes of me to protect you from them! ''[bounds away across the city's buildings]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shining Knight''': Hold. ''[To old woman]'' I have yet to thank you. :'''Old Woman''': No need to thank me, son. You just get better. World still needs protectin', you know. ===''The Great Brain Robbery'' [3.8]=== :'''Lex Luthor''': Brainiac, you're in there. I can almost feel you. Abasing myself before Grodd, then running this unwieldy super-gang. It's all been worth it if I can just free the only piece of you that remains. :'''Tala''': Lex, don't talk to the rock. :'''Lex Luthor''': Stay out of this, witch. It makes no sense. The smallest scrap of Brainiac should be sufficient to reconstitute him. :'''Tala''': Don't worry, darling. I'm sure it will be... :'''Lex Luthor''': Unless Grodd is somehow preventing it. :'''Grodd''': What do you want, Luthor? :'''Lex Luthor''': How do I unlock the Brainiac code? :'''Grodd''': You're a genius, figure it out. :'''Lex Luthor''': Tell me, you leering, manipulative, knuckle dragger, or I'll... :'''Grodd''': Lex, Lex. You can't expect me to give up my only bargaining chip. What's in it for me? :'''Lex Luthor''': When this is over, I'm going to sell your body for dog meat. :'''Grodd''': It must pain you to see me like this, after what we've been to one another. :'''Tala''': My taste in boyfriends has evolved. Wait, Lex.You're the leader now. You don't need to lock horns with him. :'''Lex Luthor''': The only thing that matters now is a speck of information locked somewhere deep inside Grodd's thick skull. :'''Tala''': Yes, okay. So we break his head open and take it. :'''Doctor Polaris''': We don't think you've got what it takes to run the show. You've been acting unbalanced, holed up in that lab, talking to yourself. :'''Sinestro:''' After Grodd tried to turn the world into apes, you can imagine how seriously we take something like that. What are you going to do, make everybody bald? :'''Doctor Polaris''': Maybe it's time for younger, smarter, more aggressive leadership. :'''Lex Luthor''': Really? :'''Doctor Polaris''': Yeah. Why should any of us follow you? :'''Lex Luthor''': Because I'll show you how to make more money in one day than you've made in your entire lives. :'''Green Lantern''': Look, we know Grodd's running some kind of organized group. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash''': Just be careful with my head — it's where I keep all my one-liners. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex-in-Flash''': Beam me out of here, or I'm going to vibrate these fingers and scramble your brains. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash-in-Lex''': ''[looks in a mirror]'' Aaah, that is just wrong! <hr width=50%"/> :''[The Flash (in Lex Luthor's body) walks out of a bathroom stall.]'' :'''[[w:Doctor Polaris|Doctor Polaris]]''': Ahem. :'''Flash-in-Lex''': What? :'''Doctor Polaris''': Are you gonna wash your hands? :'''Flash-in-Lex''': No! 'Cause I'm ''evil!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash-in-Lex''': My fellow bad guys, I, Lex Luthor, your leader, will speak now about my, Lex Luthor's plan. My... villainous, villainous plan. Question the plan at your peril. Uh... Any questions? :'''Angle Man''': We all get a cut, right? :'''Flash-in-Lex''': Watch your step, my evil minion. You presume too much! One of these days, you'll go too far. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Bizarro|Bizarro]]''': ''[Raises his hand]'' Me got answer. :'''Flash-in-Lex''': Ah, excellent. Do enlighten us. :'''Bizarro''': Ever since you plug into monkey's head, you act perfectly sane and rational. Am you Bizarro mommy? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Lex-as-Flash hides in a bathroom in the Watchtower to escape the pursuing League members]'' :'''Luthor-in-Flash''': ''[Panting]'' Lex, you're having a difficult day. ''[Lex looks in the mirror]'' Hmm... If nothing else, I can at least learn the Flash's secret identity. ''[Unmasks and looks in the mirror, then frowns]'' I have no idea who this is. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Tala (comics)|Tala]]''': Just rest in here. :''[pulls "Lex" into a closet]'' :'''Flash-in-Lex''': Hey - that's not restful. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash-in-Lex''': Me, the Flash? You've, like, totally lost it, Grodd. I'm Lex Luthor! :'''Grodd''': And I'm [[w:Charlton Heston|Charlton Heston]]. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grodd''': Ah, Tala, my old groupie. I so miss bending you to my will. :'''Tala''': Go eat a banana. Lex is my man now. ''[Leaves with Lex]'' :'''Grodd''': If you say so. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash-in-Lex''': You, [[w:Evil Star|evil-head guy]]! What's your part in this plan? :'''Evil Star:''' I'm not in the plan. :'''Flash-in-Lex''': ''[pause]'' Exactly! Pop quiz! Everyone tell me his or her part in the plan. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash-in-Lex''': Lex Luthor is pleased. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex-in-Flash''': Attention! The man you think is Luthor is actually a Justice Leaguer disguised as me. Repeat: he is not Luthor. :'''Flash-in-Lex''': ...I, Lex Luthor, find that preposterous. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mr. Terrific''': Dr. Fate, your patient just anesthetized himself. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash''': Guys! I was starting to think I was going to go out as the bottom of a supervillain dog pile! :'''Green Lantern''': It ''sounds'' like Wally, but is there any way to be sure? :'''Flash''': You want proof? Until he went off into the Marines, GL's nickname was- :'''Green Lantern''': Stop! It's him. Man, you promised never to repeat that story! :'''Flash''': I know, I was just messing with your head. :'''[[w:Mister Terrific (comics)|Mister Terrific]]''': Well, can you tell us anything about Grodd's Secret Society? Where's the headquarters? :'''Flash''': I don't know. [[w:Legion of Doom (comics)|In a swamp?]] <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tala''': Lex? Is that really you? :'''Lex Luthor''': Of course it's me, you twit. :'''Tala''': ''[Disappointed]'' Ooh. ===''Grudge Match'' [3.9]=== :'''Roulette''': Lex, darling. I'm having some serious financial problems, and I'm afraid you're to blame. :'''Lex Luthor''': Well, don't look at me to bail you out, Roulette. I'm the one who skims you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Roulette''': You're playing with fire, witch! :'''Tala''': Who's playing? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Roulette''': The new Meta-Brawl! All girl fights, all the time! We'll call it "The Glamor Slam" or "The Belles of the Brawl"! :'''Sonar''': "Chickapalooza"! <hr width="50%"/> :[''Huntress is watching Black Canary while talking on a cell phone with The Question, who is searching a cold storage area]'' :'''Huntress''': I'm telling you Q, Canary's totally off her game. Think she's moonlighting? Maybe she's stepping out on Green Arrow... :'''The Question''': The deeper mystery here is why do you even ''care?'' Isn't this the woman who beat the snot out of you a few months back? :'''Huntress''': She got a lucky shot in! Okay, five or six lucky shots. Anyway, that's not the poin- :'''The Question''': ''[takes the lid off of a container]'' Aha! As I suspected - [[w: Baskin-Robbins|thirty-''two'' flavors]]. :'''Huntress''': There's something wrong here, Q, I can feel it. :'''The Question''': ''I'm'' the conspiracy theorist, and even ''I'' don't see anything. :'''Huntress''': ''[pauses; sighs]'' So... what are you wearing? :'''The Question''': Blue overcoat. [[w:Fedora (hat)|Fedora]]. :'''Huntress''': ''[scoffs]'' You really stink at this. :'''The Question''': ...Orange socks? :''[Huntress hangs up]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Huntress''': You sure you're okay? :'''Black Canary''': Worried? :'''Huntress''': Curious. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Roulette''': Let the pain begin! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Huntress''': They've had you up every night working the arena. No wonder you've been fighting like a girl. ''[pause]'' You know what I mean. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Roulette''': Of course, you two aren't under my control any longer, which means I'm going to have to eliminate you. In the ring, of course. Why just shoot you when I can sell tickets and lay odds? :'''Huntress''': You're scum. :'''Roulette''': No, no, my dear. I'm an entrepreneur. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Roulette''': Huntress and Black Canary versus two new contenders! Vixen, the beauty with the beast powers, and the Thanagar thrasher... Hawkgirl! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Vixen''': I don't want to hurt you, Shayera. :'''Shayera Hol''': But I wanna hurt you! :'''Vixen''': Just when we were starting to get along. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Huntress''': Looks like we're in this together. :'''Black Canary''': If you call me "girlfriend", I'm gonna dropkick you into the next county. :'''Huntress''': Now, don't go all sentimental on me. <hr width="50%"/> :[''Vixen pulls the League communicator out of Shayera's ear, freeing her from Roulette's mind control]'' :'''Shayera Hol''': I don't think I want to know... :'''Vixen''': We're in a cage match fighting to the death! :'''Shayera Hol''': Yeah, see? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Roulette''': Yes, that's really Wonder Woman, ladies and gentlemen! It is on! Can even these four beautiful bruisers stand up to the Amazon powerhouse herself? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Vixen''': Anybody got a plan? :'''Shayera Hol''': Yeah, try to stay alive. :'''Huntress''': Anybody got a good plan? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sonar''': In another thirty seconds your brains will be so scrambled I'll be able to serve 'em up with bacon. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Huntress''': Do I kill the signal or you? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Black Canary''': You know, if you want, I can talk to the League and get you back in. :'''Huntress''': Nah, I do fine on my own. :''[silence]'' :'''Black Canary''': Thank you, Helena. If you hadn't... :'''Huntress''': You would have done the same. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Huntress''': You know, I was totally whipping your butt back when they caught us. :'''Black Canary''': Pff. In your dreams! :'''Huntress''': Like I'd waste my dreams on you... ===''Far From Home'' [3.10]=== :'''Bouncing Boy''': This stinks, Brainy. I hate running from a fight. :'''Brainiac 5''': They'll never look for us here. That gives us a chance to counterattack. :'''Bouncing Boy''': Attack how? There's only the two of us left. :'''Brainiac 5''': Yes, I've been giving that problem some thought. :'''[[w:Bouncing Boy|Bouncing Boy]]''': Oh, no. I know [[w:Brainiac 5|you]]'re a level 12 mega-genius, but you are seriously out of your mind. :'''Brainiac 5''': There's no other option. All of our teammates have been captured. To save them, we'll have to break the laws of time and recruit heroes from the past. :'''Bouncing Boy''': But messing with history? That's risky, even for us. :'''Brainiac 5''': Incomplete records from the 21st century show that three members of the legendary Justice League once came to the future. My research indicates now is that time. :'''Bouncing Boy''': I did my homework too, Brainy. The histories say three heroes came to the future. :'''Brainiac 5''': But only two of them ever made it home. :'''Green Lantern''': You ready, Supergirl? :'''Supergirl''': Dude, I was born ready. That tickles. I'll take that, thanks. Whoa! So Queen Bee and Doctor Cyber? Not much of a workout. :'''Green Lantern''': Hear that, Ollie? Kara thinks it's too easy. :'''Green Arrow''': Well, we wouldn't want her to get bored. :'''Supergirl''': Aah! I hate you. Ha! :'''Green Arrow''': Some kid, huh? Today's her 21st birthday, but she'd rather be here practicing than go out with me and Dinah. :'''Superman''': Good for her. :'''Green Arrow''': Hey, at least we wanted to spend some time with her. You ever think about how she must feel? She's always an outsider. :'''Superman''': I know a little bit about that myself, Ollie. :'''Green Arrow''': Just a little. You came to Earth as a baby, grew up here. Kara spent most of her life on a planet with technology hundreds of years ahead of ours. She's gotta feel like she's trapped in the Stone Age. :'''Superman''': I've tried to make her feel at home. :'''Green Arrow''': How? Seems to me you treat her just like another cape. :'''Superman''': I was never happy about Kara going into the family business, but now that she's decided it's what she wants to do, I've tried to step back and let her develop into her own person. I didn't want her living in the shadow of being Superman's cousin. :'''Green Arrow''': This may shock you, but she's proud to be your cousin. She even changed her costume to look more like yours. :'''Superman''': Yes, and I'm very proud. But don't tell her. :'''Green Arrow''': No, that's a job for Superman. :'''Supergirl''': Well? :'''Green Lantern''': Well what? :'''Supergirl''': Aren't you gonna give me notes about all the stuff I screwed up? :'''Green Lantern''': No notes, Kara. I've got nothing left to teach you. :'''Green Arrow''': Not bad, kiddo. You set a new record for this simulation. :'''Superman''': Kara. :'''Brainiac 5''': I'm certain that this must be disorienting for you. My name is... :'''Supergirl''': ''[angrily]'' Brainiac! :'''Brainiac 5''': ''[oblivious]'' That's right, how did you... ''[realizes]'' Uh-oh! :''[Supergirl attacks him]'' :'''Brainiac 5''': Please, calm down. I'm not going to hurt you. :'''Green Arrow''': Whoa, sparky. Let's hear what he has to say. :'''[[w:Brainiac 5|Brainiac 5]]''': Thank you. Yes, I am a Brainiac, but I'm not a machine. I'm organic. The universe-conquering Brainiac you knew is my distant ancestor. Over time he learned to pass down his code biologically. I am Brainiac 5. Think of me as the black sheep of my family, dedicated to doing good to make up for my ancestor's legacy of evil. :'''Green Lantern''': And you demonstrated that by kidnapping us? :'''Bouncing Boy''': We'd have never done it if the situation wasn't so dire. :'''Green Arrow''': Where are we, anyway? :'''Brainiac 5''': Approximately 1000 years into your future, in what you'd call the 31st century. :'''Green Lantern''': Time travel, swell. :'''Bouncing Boy''': It's a real thrill for me to meet you, sir. You're the famous John Stewart, father of... :'''Green Lantern''': You wanna shut up before you create a time paradox? :'''Bouncing Boy''': Sorry. Chuck Taine. Code name: Bouncing Boy. :'''Supergirl''': Why did you bring us here? :'''Brainiac 5''': We're part of a group called the Legion of Super Heroes, a galaxy-spanning force not unlike your Justice League. A team of criminals called the Fatal Five attacked our new headquarters, captured all our teammates. :'''Bouncing Boy''': They must have something big planned to risk taking on the legion. But we can't figure what it is. :'''Brainiac 5''': We needed help, so we sent the Time Bubble to bring back some of Earth's greatest heroes. :'''Supergirl''': But why us? :'''Brainiac 5''': It... it was random, we'd have taken anyone. :'''Green Lantern''': Okay, so how can we help? :'''Supergirl''': Whoa, time out. Just because he's seriously cute, doesn't mean we can trust a Brainiac! :'''Green Arrow''': I'm not getting a bad vibe off the kid. :'''Green Lantern''': ''[to Supergirl]'' And apparently neither are you. "Seriously cute", huh? :'''Bouncing Boy''': The date we pulled her from is exactly when Supergirl vanished from the historical records. Brainy, she's going to die. We have to tell her. :'''Brainiac 5''': No. Telling her could change history. Keep quiet, Chuck. That's an order. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bouncing Boy''': You know, Brainiac, being organic and having a heart - not the same thing. :'''Green Lantern''': We're in. What's next? :'''Brainiac 5''': The lab's this way. The tech is out of date, but we should find enough-- :'''[[w:Emerald Empress|Emerald Empress]]''': A Green Lantern! That's a rare sight in this galaxy these days. :'''[[w:Persuader_(comics)|Persuader]]''': Take a good look! He won't be here long. :'''Supergirl''': ''[Fighting the Fatal Five]'' So what's your power? Super-strength? Speed? :'''Brainiac 5''': I have a 12th level intellect-- :'''Supergirl''': Great, you can knock'em out with your diploma. :'''Brainiac 5''': ''[caught by Supergirl]'' That was unnecessary. My belt protects me from any impact. :'''Supergirl''': Maybe I was just trying to cop a feel. :'''Persuader''': Empress. :'''Emerald Princess''': You'll find the Emerald Eye of Ekron more than a match for your ring. :'''Persuader''': On your feet. :'''Supergirl''': Ohh. What? :'''Brainiac 5''': You've got to free the others. Aah! :'''Emerald Princess''': Forget them. We have the Green Lantern. Let's go. :'''Green Arrow''': What's goin' on? Can you track 'em with those things? :'''Brainiac 5''': Not yet, but I've identified the technology. They're psion receptors. :'''Supergirl''': Hey, that soda machine in the lobby still works. :'''Brainiac 5''': Oh, thanks. :'''Supergirl''': Back on Argo, we used psionic technology for our remote controls. When we lost one, you just had to think at it, and it'd beep. Don't know why we bothered. They were always in the couch cushions. :'''Brainiac 5''': Good idea, but it won't work. The Fatal Five are masking the carrier wave somehow. :'''Supergirl''': ''[To Brainiac 5]'' So, I have to know. Why'd you save me first? :'''Brainiac 5''': My decision was based on pure logic. :'''Green Arrow''': Really? Because Green Lantern's the most powerful. :'''Brainiac 5''': No offense, but I don't think you can follow the reasoning of a 12th-level intellect such as my own. :'''Green Arrow''': Guess not. Hey, Kara, wanna get me one of those drinks? :'''Supergirl''': Oh, sure. :'''Green Arrow''': ''[to Brainiac 5 about Kara]'' Admit it, genius. You're in love with her. :'''Brainiac 5''': Ludicrous, we just met. Moreover, as a Coluan, I'm ruled by intellect, not emotion. :'''Green Arrow''': So in love with her. :'''Brainiac 5''': ''[stops to analyze himself]'' Increased sweat-gland production. Shortness of breath, inability to concentrate. I thought it was guilt, but I am in love. How did you know? :'''Green Arrow''': Just call me Cupid, junior. I never miss. ''[Kara comes in]'' I'm gonna raid this dump, see if I can upgrade my arrows with some future tech. I'll be gone for a long time, so you two are stuck with each other. Alone. For a long time. :'''Tharok''': You had the superior weapons and the advantage of surprise. Explain to me how you failed to capture Brainiac 5. :'''Emerald Princess''': Watch your tone, half-a-man. I'd hardly call capturing a Green Lantern a failure. He's more powerful than a dozen Brainiacs. :'''Tharok''': Perhaps, but that was never part of the plan. :'''Emerald Princess''': You have to learn to improvise, Tharok. We're better armed than ever to strike against the United Planets. After that, the universe will be ours for the taking. :'''Supergirl''': What's that? :'''Brainiac 5''': A legion flight ring. All of us have one. :'''Supergirl''': So does this mean we're going steady? :'''Brainiac 5''': Uh... :'''Supergirl''': Trust me, 1000 years ago, that joke was hilarious. :'''Brainiac 5''': I thought since I couldn't trace the control disk, maybe I could trace the missing Legionnaires' rings. But it was another dead end. :'''Supergirl''': It's a shame our Justice League comm-links don't work here. We could track Green Lantern by his transponder. Come to think of it, we still could if we had a... :'''Brainiac 5 and Supergirl''': Quantum-tunneling RF transponder. :'''Brainiac 5''': Hold that thought. :'''Green Arrow''': Yeah, this looks like it could do some damage. :'''Supergirl''': Get up here. Brainiac's found GL. :'''Brainiac 5''': His signal's coming from this ship. They're headed towards the capital of the United Planets. The Fatal Five's tried to destroy it before. :'''Green Arrow''': And now with GL and the entire legion under their control, they just might succeed. :'''Brainiac 5''': The good news is my personal cruiser runs rings around their ship. We could still beat them there. :'''Supergirl''': Then what? :'''Green Arrow''': We improvise. :'''Supergirl''': Nice ship. :'''Brainiac 5''': It's strictly no-frills, but it's fast. What do you pilot back home? :'''Supergirl''': Usually just a pickup. :'''Brainiac 5''': "A pickup"? Is that a type of star cruiser? :'''Supergirl''': ''[About the Legion Flight ring]'' What's that? :'''Brainiac 5''': The Legion Flight ring, all of us have one. ''[Hands the ring to Supergirl]'' :'''Supergirl''': So does this mean we're going steady? :'''Brainiac 5''': Eeerrr-- :'''Supergirl''': Trust me, a thousand years ago, that joke was hilarious. :'''Supergirl''': Nice ship! :'''Brainiac 5''': It's strictly no frills, but it's fast. What do you pilot back home? :'''Supergirl''': Usually just a pickup. :'''Brainiac 5''': A pickup — is that a type of Starcruiser? :'''Green Arrow''': Yes. Yes it is. :'''Brainiac 5''': We're going into orbit. :'''Supergirl''': And we've got company. You guys get aboard that mothership and shut down the control devices. :'''Green Arrow''': What are you gonna do? :'''Supergirl''': Hold off John and the legion until you snap them back to normal. :'''Brainiac 5''': You won't stand a chance against them. :'''Supergirl''': Maybe, but I'm the only one who does stand a chance of protecting the capital. :'''Brainiac 5''': You can't go because I lo-- Because I lied to you. Kara, I don't even know you, but-- history says you never returned from this battle. :'''Supergirl''': What? :'''Green Arrow''': And you knew that all along? :'''Brainiac 5''': I'm sorry. I had hoped it wouldn't come to this. I wanted to spare her. :'''Supergirl''': There's still a planet full of people down there who need our help. Do your job, and I'm gonna do mine. :'''Brainiac 5''': But-- ''[Supergirl kisses him]'' :'''Supergirl''': In case I don't see you again. :'''Green Arrow''': Hey, genius? Hi. How about puttin' that big brain of yours to work on a plan to get us aboard the mothership? :'''Brainiac 5''': I'll get us in. :'''Green Arrow''': I love the direct approach. :'''Brainiac 5''': The rest of the mission won't be so easy. Let's move. :'''Supergirl''': You can do this, Kara. No biggie, just another practice mission. Ha! Aah! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Breaking into the Fatal Five's HQ]'' :'''Brainiac 5''': Shoot. :'''Green Arrow''': I know. I was hoping they'd be out looking for us. :'''Brainiac 5''': No, shoot! ''[Green Arrow shoots an arrow at the Fatal Five catches Brainiac 5 in mid-air]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': Shoot. I know. I was hoping they'd be out looking for us. :'''Brainiac 5''': No. shoot. :'''Emerald Princess''': Obliterate them. :'''Green Arrow''': Okay, big guy, that's as far as you go. :'''Tharok''': You can't stop Validus with that toy. :'''Green Arrow''': Rusty, I got him right where I want him. :'''Tharok''': No! :'''Supergirl''': John, stop! Fight it. :'''Green Lantern''': Kara. I knew what I was doing, but I couldn't stop. :'''Phantom Girl''': Where are we? :'''Bouncing Boy''': Last thing I remember was... Oh, no. :'''Green Arrow''': Just so you know, the sharp part's on the other end, chief. :'''Persuader''': Believe me, that's coming. :'''Brainiac 5''': Aah! :'''Emerald Princess''': Tear him to bits. Slowly. :'''Phantom Girl''': We wanted to say thanks by making you honorary legionnaires. :'''Green Lantern''': It's very nice, but I already have a ring. :'''Bouncing Boy''': Don't worry about it, GL. You can't keep it anyway. If you took it home, the future technology could pollute the time stream. :'''Supergirl''': I'm keeping mine. I'm not going back. Kara? History says Supergirl never returned from this mission because she decided to stay in the future. :'''Superman''': Whatever abducted them didn't leave any energy signature. Maybe Dr. Fate or Zatanna? Where's Kara? :'''Green Lantern''': She asked us to give you this. :'''Supergirl''': Tell Ma and Pa I love them. And I love you too, Clark. Don't take this the wrong way, but I've found a place where I can make a difference. Where I'm more than just Superman's kid cousin. I... I feel I belong here. Also, I met this boy. :'''Green Arrow''': You should have seen her. She was amazing. :'''Green Lantern''': She's a grown woman now, capable of choosing-- :'''Superman''': Kara's headstrong, but she's always made good decisions. I trust her judgment. But you were right, Ollie. I wish I had told her. :'''Green Arrow''': It's okay, Clark. She knows. :'''Superman''': Now, this boy Kara likes so much, does he have a name? :''[nervous looks from Green Lantern and Green Arrow]'' ===''Ancient History'' [3.11]=== :'''[[w:Gentleman Ghost|Gentleman Ghost]]''': I like it. Very imaginative. But your ring is useless against me, Lantern. :'''Green Lantern''': Then why are you running from it? :''[Gentleman Ghost groans]'' :'''Gentleman Ghost''': Mind the ion drive. That's delicate equipment. :''[Green Lantern grunts]'' :'''Green Lantern''': Right, I took you lightly. I won't make that mistake again. :'''Gentleman Ghost''': I think you might. :''[Green Lantern screaming]'' :''[Green Lantern groans]'' :'''Gentleman Ghost''': If I were to give you another chance, I mean. :''[Gentleman Ghost grunting]'' :'''Hawkman''': He's all yours, GL. The Nth metal in this net-- :'''Green Lantern''': Has properties that interfere with dimensional shifting. I know. :'''Gentleman Ghost''': Next time, Green Lantern, I'll do you proper. :'''Green Lantern''': Quiet down in there. :''[Gentleman Ghost grunting]'' :''[Gentleman Ghost groans]'' :'''Hawkman''': I fought our Gentleman Ghost before. These intangible types can be tricky. :'''Green Lantern''': Uh-huh. :'''Hawkman''': But he didn't stand a chance against the two of us. :'''Green Lantern''': Look, Hawkman, I appreciate the help. Let's leave it at that. :'''Hawkman''': Well, give Shayera my regards. :''[Shayera Hol grunting]'' :'''Vixen''': You might wanna ease up a bit there. Most guys don't really go for the ripped, bulky look. :'''Shayera Hol''': Just trying to maintain my girlish figure. My girlish, girlish figure. And why does it always have to be about the guys, anyway? :'''Vixen''': Honey, it's always about the guys. And since I'll be away on that photo shoot for a week-- :'''Shayera Hol''': Here we go. :'''Vixen''': Well, I’m surprised you haven’t made your move before now. :'''Shayera Hol''': I'm still trying to figure out the right Earth protocol for this situation. It's not like I can assassinate you in your sleep, or poison your water... I miss Thanagar. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Shadow Thief|Shadow Thief]]''': For decades their ever-growing empire was a utopia. But nothing lasts forever. At least, nothing good. <hr width="50%"/> :''[after Ashari cuts a flower off of a tree with a knife]'' :'''Chay-Ara''': You didn't have to do that. I can fly. :'''Bashari''': When we're together, so can I. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hawkman''': You always were good with that thing. :'''Shayera Hol''': Just hit him! :'''Hawkman''': Right! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': Don't say you don't love me. :'''Green Lantern''': I'll never say that. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': Tell me about my son. ===''Alive!'' [3.12]=== :''[At the Legion of Doom's base, Lex Luthor is attempting to reactivate the sole piece of Brainiac. Tala enters approaches him as the computer room is overloading] :'''Tala''': Lex! Stop it! You'll blow us all to pieces! :'''Lex Luthor''': Not now, Woman! Something's happening... It's... [but the stone's energy overloads and destroys the machine, failing to recreated Brainiac] it's... just one more steaming flop! ''[screams in anger and wrecks the control panels with his hands]'' :'''Tala''': Baby... :'''Lex Luthor''': Nothing works! ''[continues wrecking the tools]'' :'''Tala''': Lex, forget bringing back Brainiac. :'''Lex Luthor''': I don't need input from some crystal-gazing parasite! One who's confused a winch's grip on power with the real thing! :'''Tala''': ''[takes the stone]'' This is the real trouble-maker for us. It's pure wild goose chase. Look, I will prove it. I will show you what is in there. :'''Lex Luthor''': Don't be stupid. ''[takes the stone]'' This is science. What good is your sorcery? Unless you plan to turn stone into gold? Or maybe a frog? :'''Tala''': Such ignorance. Transmutation is what you want to do! :'''Lex Luthor''': Transmutation is...''[pauses]'' what are you waiting for? Do it! ''[hands the stone to her]'' :'''Tala''': Okay! :'''Lex Luthor''': Okay! :'''Tala''': ''[performing her Transmutation Sorcery]'' By the slaughter of the innocent, by pestilence and plague, reveal the hidden unto me. ''[she uses her powers to view the stone's origins. She finds nothing]'' There, you see? Just a rock. A worthless piece of... ''[she sees something from it]'' oh. :'''Lex Luthor''': What? :'''Tala''': It's not important. :'''Lex Luthor''': Show me! :''[she uses her magic to give Luthor a vision of the past, when the Brainiac Asteroid was destroyed]'' :'''Brainiac Computer Voice''': Critical system failure in three seconds. Two seconds. One second. ''[the asteroid explodes. Tala, almost unable to keep up with the image, screams as the vision nearly fades]'' :'''Lex Luthor''': No! Keep the image! ''[Tala struggles until Luthor sees enough]'' There is still Brainiac in the universe. :'''Tala''': There is no way to tell where it happened. :'''Lex Luthor''': Wrong. I saw enough of those stars to determine the explosion's coordinates. It should be a simple matter. :'''Tala''': You saw the wild goose again. Concentrate on us, baby. Space is too far. Together, we can rule this world. ''[Luthor pushes her aside]'' Oh! :'''Lex Luthor''': If you like this world so much, keep your fool mouth shut. Then maybe I'll let you keep it. Me? I'm going to be a god again. ''[sometime later, the Society members make changes in their headquarters]'' Speed it up! Sinestro, don't forget the floor. I want radiation shielding from every direction. Rampage... ''[interrupted when Bizarro has trouble with his work]'' ''[annoyed]'' Help Bizarro. ''[to Weather Wizard]'' Don't distort the metal, moron! :'''Weather Wizard''': I don't even know why we're doing this. :''[Luthor pins him next to the hot molten metal in the wall]'' :'''Lex Luthor''': Killer Frost, if Weather Wizard here doesn't shape up, I'm holding you accountable. :'''Killer Frost''': Whatever. :'''Lex Luthor''': Structural integrity is crucial. :'''Killer Frost''': Okay, got it. Jeez. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grodd''': Why is my headquarters moving? Hey, What's going on?! ''[no answer]'' I demand to know what's going on! :'''Tala''': Quiet, Grodd! :'''Grodd''': You! Come to gloat at me again? I'm not some monkey in a zoo, throwing- :'''Tala''': ''[Shushes him]'' Listen, I've been very, ''very'' bad. I picked the wrong pony. It should have been you. :'''Grodd''': Ooh, you've finally sussed it out. That hairless sweetheart of yours isn't a leader. He's a thug. :'''Tala''': And how! I don't like to compete for Lex with a dead computer. I want you to be the man in charge, like before. So, baby, ''[strokes him seductively]'' what do ''you'' want? :'''Grodd''': Why, only you, my dear. And Luthor's fat head on a plate! ''[Tala smiles]'' :''[the Society members are in their working places as Toyman is navigating]'' :'''Atomic Skull''': That's one Mother of a laser show. :'''Lex Luthor''': Toyman? :'''Toyman''': We should be reaching the Brainiac Remnants soon. By the way, thank you for making me your navigator, Luthor. I've aways loved learning a new controller. :'''Lex Luthor''': Just keep us on course. The slightest error and we're dead. :''[suddenly, Grodd breaks through with a laser cannon]'' :'''Grodd''': I wouldn't worry about it, neanderthal. The way I see it, You're dead either way. ''[Approaches Luthor along with the villains who follow him]'' I'd like to complete this transaction with as little blood shed as possible, Lex. Now, put your hands up and have Toyman turn us around. :''Tala'': Don't look at him, big boy. Grodd is leader. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Giganta grabs Grodd]'' :'''Grodd''': Giganta, you're out of jail! How's your head? :'''Giganta''': Pretty good, considering you tried to '''''fry my brain'''''! ''[begins to squeeze Grodd]'' :'''Tala''': Don't get grabby, Thunderthighs! Grodd is ''mine'' now! ''[Blasts Giganta]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Killer Frost''': ''[Prepares to freeze Toyman]'' One creep-cicle coming up! ''[Toyman headbutts her and runs away]'' You are ''so'' annoying! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tala''': Trapped like a rat. It's very weird. You have never had so much fun when we were together. [''Tala fires a magic spell at Luthor, but it bounces back and knocks her unconscious. He pulls an amulet from under his shirt''] :'''Lex Luthor''': You wouldn't ''believe'' what this cost me. :''[scene shifts to Toyman, who is walking the stair with a deadly Yo-Yo in his hand as Killer Frost approaches him surfing in a ice wave]'' :'''Toyman''': Around the world... [''wipes Frost's ice construct with his Yo-yo, knocking her in the ground''] Rock the crater... ''[Frost creates an ice wall to protect herself, but Toyman uses his yo-yo to break it through and knock her unconscious]'' Sleeper. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grodd''': Give up, Lex! You're only delaying the inevitable. :'''Lex Luthor''': You're right. :'''Grodd''': ''[shoots a blast of his gun at Luthor, who deflects with his gloves]'' If it's all the same to you, I'd rather snap your neck with my bare hands. ''[Luthor tries to attack him, but Grodd counters and singlehandedly beats him up again and again]'' You know, this mutiny was easy. The Secret Society hates you. :'''Lex Luthor''': Like they ''love'' you! ''[runs towards Grodd, who knocks him away with a kick]'' Idiotic simian. Half-baked objectivist. :'''Grodd''': ''[grabs Luthor]'' You're ill-equipped to lead, Lex. :'''Lex Luthor''': ''[choking]'' A lower primate masquerading as an intellectual. :'''Grodd''': I'm the more accomplished, both physically and mentally. ''[uses telepathy on Luthor, who overrides it with his power-belt and puts Grodd under his control]'' :'''Lex Luthor''': Took you long enough. I was beginning to think I'd figured you wrong. Now bow down to me. ''[Grodd struggles not to, but does so]'' Who is master here? :'''Grodd''': ''[weakly]'' You... are... :'''Lex Luthor''': Get up. ''[Grodd obeys]'' Take six steps forward. ''[Grodd does so and opens the door in front of him]'' Get in. ''[Grodd does so again and Luthor closes the door and deactivates his power-belt]'' :'''Grodd''': ''[trying to break through the door in anger]'' I should have let you rot in jail! :'''Lex Luthor''': Goodbye, Grodd. It could have gone the other way. :'''Grodd''': It really could have, couldn't it? :'''Lex Luthor''': No... But why speak ill of the dead? ''[punches a button and opens airlock]'' :'''Grodd''': You twisted little pink rat-hole of a hominid, I'm not done with you! I'll get out of this, and when I do...! :''[Grodd is sucked out of his headquarters to his death]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Lex Luthor's team has beaten Grodd's rebels]'' :'''Lex Luthor''': Can ''any'' of you give me one good reason to let you live? ''[Killer Frost steps forward from the rebels, then freezes her comrades without a word]'' Killer Frost... you've got a future. Get rid of the rest. :'''Killer Frost''': You got it. :'''Toyman''': We're here. :''[the headquarters reaches Brainiac's coordinates]'' :'''Tala''': ''[To Luthor]'' Darling, Grodd must have used mind-control!... Okay, maybe not. But baby, you don't ever doubt that I love you, correct? I-, I-, I know I did something bad, I'm a sick person. You don't know what it's like to be me. :'''Lex Luthor''': Don't be afraid, darling. You still have a big role in my plan. In fact... I can't do this without you. ''[Volcana knocks Tala out, then, she wakes up being used as a mystical conduit to reassemble Brainiac.]'' I used to think magic was unknowable, unpredictable, and not to be trusted. You've taught me so much, Tala. Even my wealth of scientific knowledge would never have been up to this task. You will be the mystic conduit that will siphon Brainiac's essence from the debris. I'll be able to reconstitute him from that energy. But I doubt you'll see it. :'''Tala''': You planned this all along! Even before I-- :'''Lex Luthor''': I'm a sick person too. :'''Toyman''': Luthor, the collection panels are in place. :'''Tala''': ''[panicked]'' Lex! Please! I beg you! :'''Lex Luthor''': Hold that thought. ''[to Toyman]'' Do it. ''[Toyman is about to obey, but time stops]'' I said do it! :'''[[w:Metron (character)|Metron]]''': ''[appearing behind Luthor]'' He cannot hear you, Lex Luthor. Time has stopped. We exist between two ticks of the clock. In my travels through the myriad paths of infinity, I have seen the first and the last. But what you do today threatens the entire universe. Past, Present and Future. :'''Lex Luthor''': I should hope it does. Look, I didn't catch the name. :'''Metron''': Metron. Scientist and chronicler. :'''Lex Luthor''': Well, Metron, I'll soon be ready for anything the universe can throw at me. I'm about to become a god. :'''Metron''': You don't know what a god is. Or what you are unleashing. :'''Lex Luthor''': "Tampering with forces beyond my ken", and so forth? Nice try. Look, if you want my power, make your move, otherwise you can get lost. :'''Metron''': You will regret your decision. We all will. ''[Metron disappears as time turns back to normal]'' :'''Toyman''': Twinkle, twinkle, [[w:Brainiac (comics)|Brainiac]], Tala's gonna bring you back! ''[activates the machine]'' :'''Tala''': ''[last words]'' Lex! Lex! Lex! :'''Lex Luthor''': Brainiac! I'm coming! ''[the machine drains Tala's energy until it creates a mysterious figure which appears with the smoke]'' People, meet your new lord and master! :''[He becomes shocked as, instead of Brainiac, the figure is revealed to be [[Darkseid]], who is now fused with Brainiac and given a new look]'' :'''Darkseid''': It seems I have you to thank for my resurrection. Though your world will suffer slowly, I grant you a quick death. :''[Darkseid uses his power to destroy the base. Scene shifts to Apokolips, where factions of the Apokoliptans are having a civil war]'' :'''Stick''': That rodent, Vundabar, thinks he can rule Apokolips in Darkseid's stead. We'll be the ones who deliver his pestilent corpse to Granny Goodness. ''[the two sides begin the battle, but before they can, Darkseid emerges and all bow to him]'' Welcome home, oh, mighty Darkseid. :'''Darkseid''': Arise, my children. Let this meaningless battle for control end today. :'''Sting''': Of course, my Lord. We had thought ourselves bereft forever. :'''Darkseid''': Only the slimmest of chances has allowed me to overcome my death at the hands of Superman. But let the universe howl in despair, for I have returned! ''[The Apokoliptan armies cheer triumphantly]'' :'''Stick''': What is your will, my lord? :'''Darkseid''': As ever, to search for the Anti-Life Equation, that I might bring order to this aimless universe. But first, Superman must suffer for killing me. His adopted world will die screaming. Only then will I seek the ultimate end. :'''Kanto''': Forgive me, lord, but to attack Earth would violate your pact with Highfather. New Genesis would doubtless retaliate. :'''Darkseid''': ''[smiles]'' Where do you think I'm going next? :''[scene shifts to the Watchtower as a Watchtower employee runs desperately into the room where Superman and the League are]'' :'''Employee''': Superman! You better get outside quick! :''[The League goes outside and confronts Luthor and the remaining members of the Legion of Doom]'' :'''Lex Luthor''': We have a little problem... ===''Destroyer'' [3.13]=== :'''Superman''': Let's say, just for the sake of argument, that I believe a single word of your story. How did you survive the explosion? :'''Lex Luthor''': By the skin of my teeth. But stranded more than a power ring's charge from home, we found ourselves dependent on the kindness of strangers. A resident of the nearby planet, New Genesis, drawn by our ship's explosion, offered his help. We accepted, of course. :'''Superman''': You've got some nerve coming to us for help. :'''Lex Luthor''': Darkseid took Brainiac away from me. I can't hear his voice in my head anymore! :'''Giganta''': Enough of the crazy talk, Lex. Darkseid said he was coming to Earth to destroy it. You guys are supposed to keep that from happening. :'''Green Lantern''': We'll do just that, lady. Thanks for the heads up. :'''Atomic Skull''': And what about us? :'''Wonder Woman''': You're all going into holding cells. :'''Atomic Skull''': You think so? Ain't no way we're giving up without a... :'''Mr. Terrific''': Watchtower to Metro Tower. We've got a situation. :'''Superman''': What's going on up there? :'''Mister Terrific''': Multiple hyperspatial incursions. But they're planetside. I'm sending telemetry. :'''Batman''': Boom tubes. :'''Superman''': He's right. Can you hear it? Like thunder. :'''Mister Terrific''': Attention all Justice League personnel, this is an omega-level threat. :'''Blue Devil''': Get to the Javelins. :'''Shayera-Hol''': No time. All members prepare for emergency teleport. Send us first. Give the others a chance to get their pants on. :'''Mr. Terrific''': You got it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': Okay, let's get these people locked up. Sounds like we've got a fight on our hands. :'''Giganta''': If you think you're locking us up while the whole world's under attack, you've got ''two'' fights on your hands. :'''Batman''': She's got a point. We'll need all the bodies we can throw at this. :'''Superman''': Oh, come on! It's Lex flippin' Luthor! Why should we trust him?! :'''[[w:Atomic Skull|Atomic Skull]]''': Hey, it's our world too! :'''Lex Luthor''': Let's be clear about this. We're not here to help you save the world. You're here to help me get revenge on Darkseid. When this is over, it's back to business as usual. :'''Superman''': ''[glares at Lex]'' Wouldn't have it any other way. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Search through the telemetry on the attack groups; find the best-protected mother ship. That's where Darkseid will be. :'''Superman''': And that's where I want to go. :'''Mr. Terrific''': I imagine so— it's in Metropolis, hovering over the Daily Planet. Stand by. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex Luthor''': Was there a plan here? :'''Batman''': Take out the small fries until we attract the big fish's attention. :'''Lex Luthor''': Ha! With everything going on, I bet he never notices us! :[''[[w:Darkseid|Darkseid]] appears''] :'''Batman''': You're on. :'''Superman''': I'll take some of that action. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Darkseid''': I hope you appreciate, Kal-El, that everything that happens from this point is on your head. The skies will rain fire, the oceans will boil, the streets will run red with the blood of billions. Only then, after your last pitiful hope is extinguished, will I end your life. Let's go. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex Luthor''': You destroyed Brainiac! I'm gonna make you pay! :'''Darkseid''': Unlikely. ''[blows Luthor away]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Darkseid''': I'm more powerful than I've ever been, and the last time we met, you barely managed to hold your own. :'''Superman''': Funny. That's not how I remember it. :'''Darkseid''': Allow me to refresh your memory. ''[Darkseid picks up the Daily Planet globe and uses it to slam Superman through every floor of the building]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Lantern''': We gotta find a way to take this out for good! :'''Flash''': Why don't you just throw it into the sun? ''[pauses and stares at Green Lantern]'' Yeah, I guess that's a pretty stupid idea. :'''Green Lantern''': No, maybe you're on to something. But I'll need more leverage. And a trench! :'''Flash''': On it! ''[he runs around and around in a circle, creating a trench around the drill]'' Now what? ''[Green Lantern creates a catapult with his ring]'' Aw, cool! ''[Green Lantern flings the drill]'' :'''Green Lantern''': Doesn't look like it ''quite'' made escape velocity. ''[The drill hits a ship, which explodes]'' :'''Flash''': Good effort, though. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Darkseid''': Don't leave us yet, Kal-El. I want you to see your adopted homeworld bow down before me. Only then will I allow you death's sweet release. Agh! Parademons. Dispose of these annoyances. :'''Superman''': 'Scuse me. :'''Darkseid''': Flea. ''[Batman dodges Darkseid's Omega Beam and it hits a Parademon]'' Impressive. No one has ever avoided my Omega Beam. I wonder if the other one is as agile. ''[Powers up his Omega Beams; Lex Luthor runs away]'' Excellent strategy. :'''Superman''': Luthor! :'''Darkseid''': You friends have abandoned you, or fallen before my might. Super or otherwise, you're merely a man. And I, am a god. You still try to fight. Can't you see that it's hopeless? :'''Superman''': That man won't quit as long as he can still draw a breath. None of my teammates will. Me? I've got a different problem. I feel like I live in a world made of, cardboard. Always taking constant care not to break something, to break someone. Never allowing myself to lose control. Even for a moment, or someone could die. But you can take it, can't you, big man? What we have here is a rare opportunity for me to cut loose. And show you just how powerful I really am. Had enough? :'''Darkseid''': Not quite yet. It's called the Agony Matrix. Direct neural stimulation of pain receptors. All of them. Imagine the worst pain you've ever felt in your life. Times a thousand. Now imagine that pain continuing. Forever. Oh, that's right. You don't have to imagine. Still alive? You impress me, Kryptonian. More... Your valor has touched my heart. Oh yes. There is still some small part of me that knows mercy. I will end your pain... with something special I've been saving for just this occasion. ''[Darkseid draws a [[W:Kryptonite|Kryptonite]] knife]'' I'm going to carve out your heart and put it on a pike in my throne room. :''[Lex Luthor appears in a business suit]'' :'''Lex Luthor''': As much as I'd enjoy seeing that, first you've got some business with me. Sorry it took me so long. I had to go get my power-suit. :'''Darkseid''': You would dare challenge me? Insanity! :'''Lex Luthor''': Oh, I'm not here to challenge you, Darkseid. Quite the contrary. I've got something you want. The only thing you want. :''[Luthor holds up his hand, revealing a dazzling shard of energy]'' :'''Darkseid''': ''[astonished]'' The Anti-Life Equation! :'''Lex Luthor''': My gift to you. :'''Superman''': Lex, don't! :'''Batman''': It's too late. :'''Darkseid''': It's beautiful, isn't it? :'''Lex Luthor''': Yes, yes it is. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': Get away from here! It's not safe! :'''Elderly Chinese Man''': Don't worry. I'm here to help. :'''Wonder Woman''': I appreciate your inten- ''[Sees the old man easily defeating Parademons]'' Hera! ''[The man suddenly changes into a Chinese dragon, defeating more Parademons. He then changes again, becoming the Martian Manhunter.]'' J'onn! ''[hugs him]'' :'''Martian Manhunter''': Good to see you, Diana. I've got a lot to tell you about. :'''Wonder Woman''': We'll catch up later. :'''Martian Manhunter''': Wouldn't miss it. First things first... :''[The team flies off towards one of Darkseid's magma towers]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex Luthor''': Problem? :'''Batman''': I'm out. :'''Lex Luthor''': ''[holds up his gun]'' Take my extra. :'''Batman''': Not my style. :'''Lex Luthor:''' Suit yourself. I'm planning to live through this. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex Luthor''': You! Metron! You knew this was going to happen! :'''[[W:Metron (comics)|Metron]]''': This outcome ''was'' the most likely possible result of your foolhardy actions. :'''Lex Luthor''': You can help me! I ''demand'' that you help me! :'''Metron''': You are in no position to make demands of anyone. I warned you that you were dabbling in forces beyond your comprehension. :'''Lex Luthor''': You'd be surprised what I can comprehend! For instance, if you know so much about Darkseid, I'll wager you know how to beat him! :'''Metron''': There is one possibility. One thing in all the universe that ''might''... but no. The risk... :'''Lex Luthor''': I know a little something about risk myself. ''[aims his pistol at Metron]'' Care for an object lesson? :'''Metron''': Very well. I will take you where you want to go. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Darkseid''': You still try to fight. Can't you see that it's hopeless? :'''Superman''': ''[Pins Darkseid against a wall]'' Batman won't quit so long as he can draw breath. ''None'' of my teammates will. Me? I've got a ''different'' problem. ''[Punches Darkseid through the wall]'' '''I feel like I live in a world made of ''cardboard''. ''Always'' taking care not to break something, to break some''one''. ''Never'' allowing myself to lose control, even for a moment, or someone could die.''' ''[Punches Darkseid again]'' But you can take it, can't you, big man? What we have here is a rare opportunity for me to ''cut loose'', and show you '''''just how powerful I really am'''''. ''[Punches Darkseid across the city with a single blow]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Metron''': Behold the [[w:Source Wall|Source Wall]]. Beyond it is the single greatest secret of the universe. This is as far as I dare to go. I warn you one final time: only a 12th level intellect has the slightest hope of surviving what you are about to experience. :'''Lex Luthor''': Then I'm overqualified. <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Lex Luthor and Darkseid vanish through the Anti-Life Equation]'' :'''Sroya Bashir''': This has been the scene all over the world. In the wake of Darkseid's defeat, his attacking forces have withdrawn presumably back to wherever it is they came from. :'''Superman''': Thanks to Luthor, of all people. :'''Martian Manhunter''': In many ways, Lex Luthor represents the worst of what mankind has to offer. :'''Superman''': But he died saving us all. :'''Batman''': I doubt that either of them died. :'''Superman''': But we saw it this time! :'''Flash''': You saw it last time too. :'''Green Lantern''': What's that old saying? "Believe half of what you see..." :'''Shayera Hol''': "...and none of what you hear." They'll be back. :'''Martian Manhunter''': And we'll be ready for them. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': Meanwhile, it's past time that Luthor's partners in crime were locked up. :'''Atomic Skull''': Wait a minute – we help you guys save the world, and we don't even get any consideration? :''[Batman looks at Superman, who shrugs]'' :'''Batman''': You're right. Five-minute head start. :'''Atomic Skull''': Five minutes? Are you kidding?! :'''Wonder Woman''': Four minutes, fifty seconds. :''[The villains promptly flee; Giganta gives the surprised Flash a kiss on the cheek before joining the others]'' :'''Giganta''': Mwah. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Last lines of the series]'' :'''Martian Manhunter''': ''[on the cell phone to his wife]'' I should be back in time to dinner. I love you too. :'''Flash''': These are the end times. :'''Superman''': ''[to Batman]'' A head start? You're getting soft in your old age. :'''Batman''': ''[smiling]'' Don't you have a tall building to go leap? :'''Wonder Woman''': And the adventure continues. ''[The entire Justice League runs down the stairs, chasing the villains, each of the Justice League is split into sections, ending with the originals and Batman's emblem filling the screen]'' ==External links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:2000s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:American sequel TV shows]] [[Category:Animated Batman TV shows]] [[Category:Animated Justice League TV shows]] [[Category:Animated Superman TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated science fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated superhero TV shows]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Cartoon Network shows]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Crime TV shows]] [[Category:Animated television programs based on DC Comics]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:Television series by Warner Bros. Animation]] 7uc9m3jme3swvjeqr5cgnzno5apf1fl 3778753 3778752 2025-07-14T16:40:35Z 2A02:2F01:6319:4600:CD8C:8F4A:DC68:E839 /* The Doomsday Sanction [2.3] */ 3778753 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''{{w|Justice League Unlimited}}''' (JLU) is an American animated television series that was produced by Warner Bros. Animation and aired on Cartoon Network. Featuring a wide array of superheroes from the DC Comics universe, and specifically based on the Justice League superhero team, it is a direct sequel to the previous Justice League animated series. ==Season 1== ===''Initiation'' [1.1]=== :'''Green Arrow''': Well, well, the great and glorious Green Lantern. What, did you run out of alien menaces to beat on, you have to horn in on my turf? :'''Green Lantern''': You're welcome. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': Each of you brings something different to the table. Strength. Speed. Stealth. Whatever. But we're all equal in at least one way: Each of us is willing to make the sacrifices a hero needs to make, even the ultimate one. Since there are so many of us, we have a chance to do more than just put out fires, both literal and figurative. We can be proactive. We can do some real good in the world. But we're going to have to be organized. J'onn'll be up here keeping an eye on everything. He'll be the one to decide whose going where and when. I know a lot of you are used to making those decisions for yourself, but from now on we have to be more coordinated than that. We can't be cowboys any more... or cowgirls. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Green Arrow|Green Arrow]]''': C'mon, I don't belong up here, fighting monsters and aliens and supervillains. I just help the little guy. And a big club like this, you tend to forget all about him. So gee whiz, I'm flattered to be asked and all. But NO THANKS. :'''Batman''': Suit yourself... ''[starts to walk away, then turns back]'' Those monsters you don't fight? They tend to STEP on little guys. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': Is that a ''Containment'' suit? :'''[[w:Captain Atom|Captain Atom]]''': Uh-huh. I'm not flesh and blood anymore, just living energy. :'''Green Arrow''': That wouldn't be NUCLEAR energy, would it? :'''Captain Atom''': With a name like Captain Atom, what do you think? :'''Green Arrow''': ''I'' think you're what I marched against back in college. <hr width="50%"> :'''[[w:Supergirl|Supergirl]]''': Why don't you take the stick out, Corporal? :'''Captain Atom''': Captain. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Supergirl''': He asked you a question! :'''General Kwan''': Don't answer him! That's classified inform- :'''Supergirl''': ''[picks him up]'' I've just about ''had'' it with you guys! You've got 'til the count of five. One... FOUR... ''[her eyes start to glow]'' :'''Captain Atom''': I'd speak up if I were you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': So what's the plan? :'''[[w:Captain Atom|Captain Atom]]''': I shove these carbon rods in the robots reactor, that should stop it. :'''Green Arrow''': I gotta say that's not much of a plan, if you get that close the heat will fry you. :'''Captain Atom''': I know. :'''Green Arrow''': But.. :'''Captain Atom''': If this doesn't work, contact the League, they'll know what to do next. :'''Green Arrow''': Captain. :''[Green Arrow shakes hands with Captain Atom]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Supergirl''': So, aren't you gonna give me the "you did good" speech? :'''Green Lantern''': You're headstrong, unprofessional and reckless. If you ever jeopardize yourself or your teammates again by running off half-cocked without a battle plan, I will personally see to it that you are kicked out of the League, I don't care who your cousin is. ''[He turns and begins to leave]'' And incidentally, you did good. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Showers/locker room area]'' :'''Batman''': Well, if it isn't the monster-killer. :'''Green Arrow''': I was lucky. So was everybody else. Still don't think I belong up here. :'''Batman''': That's the point. Someone like you will keep us honest. :'''Green Arrow''': Gee, Bats, I don't know. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a good radiation burn as much as the next guy, but I don't think... :''[Loses his train of thought as he sees Black Canary across the room, pulling up her boots.]'' :'''Batman''': So...see you soon? :'''Green Arrow''': You just might. ===''For The Man Who Has Everything'' [1.2]=== :''[Getting Superman a gift.]'' :'''Batman''': What'd you get him? :'''Wonder Woman''': I'm not saying anything ''[whispering]'' He'll hear, and spoil the surprise. :'''Batman''': He can hear that, too. :'''Wonder Woman''': How about you? :'''Batman''': He's not the easiest person in the world to buy birthday presents for. ''[holds up an envelope]'' :'''Wonder Woman''': Bruce... you didn't get him a gift certificate? :'''Batman''': ''[offended]'' No! ...cash. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Mongul! :'''Mongul''': You recognize me! I'm flattered. I suppose Superman told you all about our previous encounter. :'''Batman''': You mean how he humiliated you? :'''Mongul''': A... jaundiced account. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mongul''': The Black Mercy is a telepathic species. It reads the heart's desire and feeds the individual a totally convincing simulation of it. :'''Batman''': So he's dreaming. :'''Mongul''': Oh, far deeper than any dream. I wonder where he thinks he is. Sitting on a throne, ruling the universe. All you human garbage fawning at his feet. More honest, don't you think? Than this pretense of being a selfless hero. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mongul''': You don't understand. He was the only obstacle in my way. The rest of you... are already dead. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mongul''': Oh, dear. Is that a neural impactor? I didn't know that they were still making those. I'd advise you to try the plasma disruptor. It's more of a woman's weapon. :'''Wonder Woman''': Go to- ''[fires]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': He'll kill her, Clark. And then he'll kill us all! Shake it off! Come back to us! Please.. <hr width="50%"/> :''[On Krypton; Kal-El is with his son Van-El on the roof of his father's lab, as Van looks through a telescope]'' :'''Van-El''': Dad! ''[The ground shakes]'' Dad? You've gotta look at thi- ''[Sees Kal-El's troubled expression]'' What's...what's the matter? Why are you - :'''Kal-El''': Van, when you were born, it was the happiest day of my life. When I first saw your beautiful little face, your tiny fingers squeezed my hand so tight, like you never wanted to let go. I've watched every step, every struggle...I-I've... but, Van...''[eyes begin to water]'' oh, Rao help me... but I don't think you're real. I don't think any of this is-is real.. :'''Van-El''': Don't say that, Daddy...please, you're scaring me... ''[hugs his father]'' :'''Kal-El''': No, no, I don't want to scare you, Van. You are everything I ever wanted in a son. This...this is everything I ever wanted in a life. But I've got responsibilities, Van, and I...have to...go now... :''[Hugs his son as Krypton begins to tear itself apart, and kisses him on the forehead]'' :'''Van-El''': ''[Tearful]'' Daddy... :'''Kal-El''': I promise you... I'll never forget. :''[Krypton explodes]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': Do you have any idea what you did to me?! :'''Mongul''': I fashioned a prison that you couldn't leave without sacrificing your heart's desire. It must have been like tearing off your own arm. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mongul''': Happy birthday, Kryptonian. I give you... ''oblivion''. :'''Superman''': '''''BURN'''!'' ''[ignites Mongul with heat vision]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mongul''': You know, for a moment there, I almost believed you were going to kill me. How stupid of you to hesitate like that. Not a mistake I'll make, I can assure you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mongul''': You should have stayed in whatever happy fantasy the Black Mercy granted you. :'''Superman''': HAPPY??! Do you know what I've lost?! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mongul is ensnared by the Black Mercy]'' :'''Wonder Woman''': I wonder what he's seeing. :'''Batman''': Whatever it is, it's too good for him. :''[The camera draw closer to Mongul's beaten face, who's trying to give a small, satisfied smile while low sounds of screams and explosions are heard in background]'' ===''Kid Stuff'' [1.3]=== :''[All the adults have been banished from the Earth, courtesy of Mordred.]'' :'''Mordred''': This better be worth it, mother. I mean it. :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': If the legends are true, it will be. :'''Mordred''': You've been saying stuff like that for, like, centuries. Nothing ever changes. :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': Everything's changed. Except you, Mordred. And that's because I want you to still be young when I give you your kingdom. :'''Mordred''': I want to be king now! 'What's this thing?' 'Another stupid charm?' :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': It's the amulet of first magic. The source of all Earthly sorcery. :'''Mordred''': Hmm. Shiny. :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': Be ready, Mordred. :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': At last. Mordred, give that to me. :'''Mordred''': Why should I? :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': Silly child, you're not... :'''Mordred''': Not what? Ready? Or big enough or old enough? 'None of that matters, mother.' 'Cause now, I'm strong enough. :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': Mordred! :'''[Morgaine Le Fay gasps]''' :'''Mordred''': I'll have my kingdom and without anyone telling me what to do. I never want to see you or anyone older than me ever again. :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': No! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Blockbuster''': Pound their heads! :'''Superman''': Pound your own. :'''Copperhead''': I won't go down easy. :'''Green Lantern''': Sure, you will. Guess that's a wrap. Sorry. Been hanging out with Flash too much. :'''Copperhead''': It was Judgment Day! And we got sent to [[w:Hell|the bad place]]! THE BAD PLACE! :'''Cheetah''': ''[slaps him]'' Snap out of it, Copper. :'''Green Lantern''': Yeah, calm down. We're probably just in another dimension. :'''Copperhead''': ''[sarcastic]'' Oh, is ''that'' all? :'''Batman''': I don't see any children. :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': That's because a child is responsible. :'''Batman''': Morgaine Le Fay. :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': I mean you no harm. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': My son Mordred has wrought this treachery, banishing all adults to this shadow realm. Even me, his own mother. And after I spent millennia feeding him, bathing him, preparing him to be king... where did I go wrong? :'''Wonder Woman''': You're a sorceress. Can't you just undo his spell? :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': No. He's got the amulet of first magic. He's too powerful. But if we all work together.. :'''Batman''': You want us to defeat your own son? :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': So don't trust me. Let him rule the world and all your children. Here we will stay. Forever. :'''Wonder Woman''': But what can we do? We're stuck here, aren't we? :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': Not exactly. The spell only banishes adults. :'''Green Lantern''': I don't like where this is going. :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': It's the only way. :'''Superman''': We have to do it. :'''[[John Stewart exhales]''' :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': Excellent. :'''[Morgaine Le Fay speaking foreign language]''' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, and Green Lantern have been turned into children.]'' :'''Kid Batman''': This better be temporary. :'''Kid Superman''': You sound weird, Whoa. So do I! :'''Kid Wonder Woman''': ''[Grinning at being the tallest]'' I kind of like this. :'''Kid Batman''': ''[to Green Lantern]'' What's the matter? :'''Kid Green Lantern''': I wore glasses as a kid. Guess I need them again. ''[large, square, green glasses appear on his nose]'' Wow! I didn't even try to make these! :''[Superman cracks up]'' :'''Kid Batman''': I hope not. :''[Green Lantern strains and morphs the glasses into a mask]'' :'''Kid Superman''': Cool! :'''Kid Wonder Woman''': ''[smacks him]'' Will you stop messing around? We gotta find Mordred! :'''Kid Batman''': Bet the little punk's in there! ''[runs towards the castle. Green Lantern, Superman, and Wonder Woman all quickly overtake him by flying]'' It's not a race! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Kid Batman is having trouble with a guard, Kid Wonder Woman punches it in the leg, causing it to shatter, then catches Kid Batman as he falls.]'' :'''Kid Wonder Woman''': You okay, tough guy? :'''Kid Batman''': Let go, I'm fine! ''[Stalks away, pouting]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[The group is thrown into a dungeon; a toddlerized Etrigan comes out.]'' :'''Kid Batman''': Etrigan? :''[Etrigan burps fire and is caught by Superman.]'' :'''Kid Batman''': ''[to Superman]'' Don't hurt him! :'''Kid Superman''': ''[being bitten by Etrigan]'' Tell him that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kid Wonder Woman''': Etrigan! You stop right there. I mean it! You naughty monster. Bad, bad, Etrigan. ''[Etrigan starts to cry. Wonder Woman picks him up]'' Hey little guy, it's okay, I won't hurt you. :'''Kid Batman''': You've got to be kidding. :'''Kid Wonder Woman''': He's just a baby. ''[Burps Etrigan]'' That's all he needed. :'''Kid Green Lantern''': ''[sniffs]'' Aww man, that ain't all she needs. :'''Kid Batman''': Now ''that'' is a job for Superman. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kid Superman''': You two, knock it off! :'''Child''': What are you gonna do? You're just a kid! :'''Kid Superman''': ''[burns the ground near them with his heat vision]'' I'm the kid with laser beams comin' out his eyes! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kid Green Lantern''': I've got a plan! I'll make some giant handcuffs and- :'''Kid Batman''': Forget it! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kid Batman''': Never mind what I just said. We'll take care of everything else. Lantern, you go crazy! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Morgaine Le Fay''': You've used it all. Don't you realize what you've done? A bargain is a bargain. :''[After the League members been changed back to adults, Wonder Woman is still holding Etrigan]'' :'''Etrigan''': ...Mommy? :''[Wonder Woman drops Etrigan, looking somewhere between disgusted and annoyed]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Wait, what happened to Mordred? :'''Morgaine le Fey''': My spell gave him eternal youth. But now he has broken it, all he has is eternal life. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': Circumstances asides, it was kind of... enjoyable being a kid again. :'''Batman''': I haven't been a kid since I was eight years old. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Morgaine le Fey''': ''[Approaches an impossibly old, feeble and senile Mordred]'' Did you miss Mommy? Well, don't you worry, baby. Mommy's going to take good care of you, from now on... ===''Hawk And Dove'' [1.4]=== :''[Wonder Woman is being shot at by a bank robber who has run out of bullets and is about to throw his gun at her.] :'''Diana''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, yeah. Like THAT’S gonna work. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Diana''': What's wrong with people, J'onn? Hostility is their answer to everything! :'''Martian Manhunter''': You're one to talk, of late. :'''Diana''': What's that supposed to mean? :'''Martian Manhunter''': Diana, you and I have both been affected by our time among humans. It's important that we keep ourselves in check. :'''Diana''': First of all, those thugs back there got exactly what they had coming. As did that band of mercenaries last week. And those creatures from the Decoran Nebula - they weren't misunderstood! They thought we were FOOD! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hephaestus''': Patience, brother. You know how much I care about the details. :'''Ares''': It doesn't have to be pretty, Hephaestus. Where it's going things aren't supposed to be pretty. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hank Hall''': Fine mess here, Don. :'''Don Hall''': Talk to them, you speak Neanderthal! :'''Hank Hall''': I think they're done talking. :'''Don Hall''':This is ridiculous! Just because I disagree with you doesn't make me unpatriotic. :'''Bar Patron''': No, you bein' a bleedin' heart punk makes you unpatriotic! :'''Hank Hall''': Actually, I gotta agree with him on that one. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Don Hall''': Look, we got off on the wrong foot. Don't you think we could find plenty of things we all have in common if we JUST tried? :'''Bar Patron''': ''[ Pauses for a moment looking slightly puzzled]'' ...No! :'''Don Hall''': Hank, say something! :'''Hank Hall''': ''[punches one of the frat boys and gives Don a look]'' Preemptive strike. <hr width="50%"/> :''[ [[w:Hawk and Dove|Hawk and Dove]] find themselves in a barroom brawl]'' :'''Dove''': Oh, you SO wanted to do this! :'''Hawk''': Don't blame me! You're the one that couldn't keep your trap shut! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hawk''': Why not just let them obliterate each other? If people can't control their own country, they don't deserve to have one. :'''Dove''': Way to oversimplify. These folks live in poverty, and when you have so little, it's easy to be swayed into blaming your neighbour. Almost all aggression can be cured with education. :'''Hawk''': Yeah? Then how come some of the best-educated guys in the world work at the Pentagon? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hawk''': There's no one inside that thing! How do you fight that? :'''Wonder Woman''': You hit it 'til it breaks. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Nardoc''': We won, Mr. Sera. The animals attacked, and we ran them out of town. :'''Ares''': I didn't give you the Annihilator so you could run your enemies out of town, I gave you the Annihilator so you could annihilate them! :'''Nardoc''': Forgive the insult, sir, but you think like a South Kaznian. They want to destroy us all, but my brothers and I only wish to keep our land. Perhaps I could take their camp, but the price would be too great. Shall I win a country but massacre my people? :'''[[w:Ares (DC Comics)|Ares]]''': Yes, you idiot! ''I'' think like a South Kasnian?! Has it even entered your skull that THEY think like South Kasnians?! And you'd better start thinking that way, too, if you want there to be a Northerner left in this rat-infested dirt heap you call a country! All any of you mortals are good for is to slaughter one another! To fight and fight until the bones of your enemies are strewn across the battlefield, only to rise again in the next generation, like a well-tended crop! THAT’S what the Annihilator is for! But nooo, you're using it to play TAG! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Hawk attempts to kidnap the South Kasnian leader]'' :'''Hawk''': Ever run away from home? It's fun; you'll love it. ''[Grabs leader out of bed]'' Brother and I used to do it all the time. 'Cept, he'd always wuss out and run home to Mama... <hr width="50%"/> :''[Hawk is watching many Kasnians fighting and blowing things up]'' :'''Hawk''': I see Don's social skills had their usual effect... <hr width="50%"/> :''[Dove had just made the Annihilator stop by simply standing before it without a fight]'' :'''Hawk''': Anybody wanna give me a clue what just happened? :'''Wonder Woman''': Sometimes, it takes more strength NOT to fight. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ares''': But I'll be back and sooner than you think. Wherever there's prejudice, ignorance, inequality, I'll be there. :'''Wonder Woman''': And I'll be waiting. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dove''': You see, doesn't this prove exactly what I've been saying for years? :'''Hawk''': Couldn't tell ya — I do my best not to listen. :'''Dove''': What?!? ===''This Little Piggy'' [1.5]=== :'''Batman''': Patience, princess. Intergang moves in mysterious ways. :'''Wonder Woman''': Tell me about it. What use could they possibly have for the Rosetta Stone? :'''Batman''': We'll find out soon enough. And in the meantime... :'''Wonder Woman''': I know. Patience. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': Don't you ever wish you were down there? :'''Batman''': I'm down there all I need to be. :'''Wonder Woman''': Yes, but it's just a job to you. I'm talking about going down there and having some fun. Maybe... maybe with someone special. :''[Batman frowns and looks away]'' :'''Wonder Woman''': No. No dating for the Batman. It might cut into your brooding time. :'''Batman''': One: dating within the team always leads to disaster. Two: you're a princess from a society of immortal warriors; I'm a rich kid with issues... lots of issues. And three: if my enemies knew I had someone special, they wouldn't rest until they'd gotten to me, through her. :'''Wonder Woman''': ''[Crushes a stone gargoyle's head with her hand]'' Next? :''[A burglar alarm goes off.]'' :'''Batman''': There! :''[He swings into action.]'' :'''Wonder Woman''': ''[wryly]'' Saved by the bell. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': Circe! Be careful, she's... :'''Batman''': Yeah. I've read the ''[[w: Odyssey|Odyssey]]''. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zatanna''': ''[trying to turn Wonder Woman back to normal and failing]'' Lleps eb nekorb! Anaid emoceb namuh! Well, I gave it my best shot. We could call in one of the other magicians. Doctor Fate, maybe- :'''Batman''': No! I mean, let's keep this between us. :'''Zatanna''': But why? If there's a chance to help her, shouldn't we tell everyone and that... oh, wait wait... you and her, are you two... :'''Batman''': Just good friends. :'''Zatanna''': No, you and I are just good friends. There's something more between you and her. :'''Batman''': Well, maybe there was. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:B'wana Beast|B'wana Beast]]''': ''[introducing himself to Zatanna]'' B'wana Beast. How ya doin'? :'''Zatanna''': My ''legs'' are fine. As is the rest of me. Up here. ''[pointing to her face]'' :'''B'wana Beast''': Woah, she's got the fire of the cheetah in her. Rrroowr. :'''Zatanna''': ''[to Batman]'' Why are you doing this to me? <hr width="50%"/> :'''B'wana Beast''': ''[Talking to pigs, trying to find Wonder Woman]'' C'mon guys, help me out. Newcomer? Silver bracelets? Kinda stuck up? <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Red Tornado|Red Tornado]]''': ''[imitating a pig call]'' SOOOOOOO-WEEEEEEEEEE... <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Crimson Avenger|Crimson Avenger]]''': Excuse me, sir, I'm looking for a pig. :'''Old Man''': Gladys, it's for you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''B'wana Beast''': Yo, Wonderpig! ''[pursues the pig Diana through the street, jumping over an oncoming truck in the process; then, over his communicator]'' Bats, Beast. Got a fix on your girl. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Medusa|Medusa]]''': C-Girl and me did some time together back in the Pit of Eternal Torment. That's where they hang you by your ankles and weasels come each night to eat your fingers. They grow back the next day, but trust me - it gets old real quick. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Themis''': Thank you, Medusa. And know that you've earned 300 years off your sentence. :'''Medusa''': ''[sarcastic]'' Freedom in 4010. Ring-a-ding-ding! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Circe''': Thank you, thank you. You've all been so kind to me tonight. You know, my cousins, the Sirens, never thought I could sing. Really! They thought they were all that with their 'Charm the Sailors' routine. But I'm showing them, aren't I? :[''Dead silence. Circe glares - the audience applauses''] :'''Circe''': Oh thank you! I love you all! Are there any requests? :'''Zatanna''': Stcejbo kcatta ecriC! :'''Circe''': I'm not sure I know that one... <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Circe (comics)|Circe]]''': ''[under attack by Zatanna]'' Insolent trickster! You dare to strike- ''[gets hit by a chair]'' You dare to strike- ''[gets hit by a table]'' You dare to strike- ''[gets smothered by a tablecloth]'' QUIT IT! Oh, no... ''[gets hit by a grand piano]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Wait. It seems that magic always has a price. :'''Circe''': And your point is...? :'''Batman''': What would I have to give to make you lift your spell on Diana? :'''Circe''': Well, now you're getting interesting. I want something from you that's very precious. Something you've worked ''very hard'' to conceal. Something when gone, you can never regain. Something ''soul-shattering''... :''[cut to Batman at a mike]'' :'''Batman''': ''[singing]'' [[w:Am I Blue?|Am I blue? Am I blue? Ain't these tears in my eyes telling you...]] <hr width="50%"/> ''[Zatanna is listening to Batman sing as her eyes tear up. She produces a handkerchief to dab at her eyes... then passes it to Circe, who is also crying at the performance.]'' :'''Circe''': Beautiful. :'''Zatanna''': And you'll keep your part of the bargain? :'''Circe''': A deal's a deal. He can stop now. :'''Zatanna''': Not on your life! ''[Both keep watching the performance.]''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zatanna''': ''[to Batman, after he leaves the stage]'' Is there anything you can't do? :'''Batman''': There's one thing I've never been very good at - saying thank you. ''[they share a smile]'' ===''Fearful Symmetry'' [1.6]=== :'''[[W:Green Arrow|Green Arrow]]''': Don't listen to this guy, everything's conspiracies with him. :'''[[W:Question (comics)|The Question]]''': Not "conspiracies". Conspiracy. Singular. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Question''': Reaching back to ancient Egypt, there's been a single cabal of powerful individuals directing the course of human history. But the common man prefers to believe they don't exist, which aids their success. :'''Supergirl''': ''[reading newspaper clippings]'' Global warming, military upheavals in the third world, actors elected to public office... :'''Green Arrow''': The spread of coffee bars, germs outpacing antibiotics, and boy bands? Come on! Who would gain from all this? :'''Question''': Who indeed? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Supergirl''': These weren't just dreams, they felt like they really happened! :'''Green Arrow''': I dunno, I've had some dreams that felt mighty real. ''[glances over his shoulder at Black Canary]'' There was this one the other night... ''[eats a French fry thoughtfully]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': Hold your horses! No one asked for more help. This whole trip might just prove the kid shouldn't eat nachos before bed. :'''Question''': Peanut butter sandwiches. :'''Supergirl''': How did y- what, do you go through my trash?! :'''Question''': Please... I go through ''everyone's'' trash. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': So I think that answered everything. :'''Question''': A little too well. :'''Green Arrow''': Does ''everything'' have a sinister motive in your world? :'''Question''': Yours too, you just don't know it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': What was that about? :'''Question''': What do you think? We're asking questions someone doesn't want answered. :'''Green Arrow''': Aw, learn a new tune already! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Supergirl has just been attacked by an android.]'' :'''Question''': Standard [[w: Infiltration Unit Zeta|Z8 Combat Trainer]]. :'''Green Arrow''': Like the ones we use. The League buys 'em in bulk. :'''Supergirl''': So? :'''Question''': So who do we buy them ''from?'' :'''Supergirl''': The Army, I thin... Oh, wait a minute... :'''Question''': Another fun fact: The man who commissioned the Z8 Project? The same man who put you in the hospital. :'''Supergirl''': General Hardcastle? He's retired now, isn't he? :'''Question''': Gone. And hoping to be forgotten. <hr width="50%"/> :'''General Hardcastle''': Figured someone would come for me some day. Only, I thought they'd be from the other side. ''[aiming his weapon at Supergirl]'' This weapon fires a projectile of kryptonite pellets suspended in a liquid silicon core. Causes maximum scatter on impact. Only gets one shot, but trust me, ''alien'', it'll do the job. :'''Supergirl''': We're not here to hurt you. We just have some questions. :'''General Hardcastle''': Sorry if I don't take your word for it. As I recall, your kind can be fickle. :''[After a tense moment Green Arrow steps in front of Supergirl]'' :'''Green Arrow''': Okay, now what, smart guy? Use up your magic bullet on me, and you're left with one very ticked off Supergirl. :''[The brief distraction gives Question the chance to easily disarm Hardcastle]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''General Hardcastle''': What? I told you everything I... Supergirl? :'''Galatea''': Yes... and no. Friends call me Tea. Are you a friend, general? :''[Hardcastle lunges for his kryptonite gun but Galatea quickly destroys it with her heat vison]'' :'''Galatea''': Guess that's a no. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Galatea''': So, what do you think? It's important that you like yourself. And I'm you, just accelerated a few extra years. Plus better trained. And I have to say, a heck of a lot smarter. :'''Supergirl''': You lured us here. After your lackeys couldn't get rid of me at Star, you decided to deal with me yourself on your home turf. :'''Galatea''': It's like you're reading my mind. Which is actually the problem. And why you have to die. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Outside Nuvo-Gen]'' :'''Question''': ''[singing while inspecting the locked glass door]'' ...Fell in love again, what am I gonna tell my friends? It just happened. You walked in my door, now I don't wanna be alone no more... ''[throws a potted plant through the door]'' Oops, I done it! Told you how I feel! Just hope this time that our love is real... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Question''': You were setting up this bait even before Supergirl started asking questions. It's because the link works both ways, doesn't it? While she was seeing what you were doing, you were feeling her conscience. That's why you couldn't sleep at night. And I bet it got in the way of your work. It bites having someone in your head, doesn't it? :'''Galatea''': ''[begrudgingly]'' You don't know what you're talking about. :'''Question''': No? Prove it. Kill me. :''[Galatea raises her fist but hesitates to hit him]'' ===''The Greatest Story Never Told'' [1.7]=== :'''Child''': Can I have your autograph?! :'''Booster Gold''': Of course you can! ''[signs autograph book]'' :'''Child''': ''[looks at it and is disappointed]'' I thought you were Green Lantern. :'''Skeets:''' I would like your autograph, sir! :'''Booster Gold''': Shut up, Skeets. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Martian Manhunter''': I have never sensed such malevolent magic in one being. Unless Mordru can be defeated, I fear for every living creature on the planet. :'''Booster Gold''': Yes! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Martian Manhunter''': Listen up! A second unit will serve under Green Lantern's command! When I call your name, report to the transporter! Hawk and Dove, Star and Stripe, Shining Knight... Fire and [[w:Ice (comics)|Ice]], [[w:Doctor Light (Kimiyo Hoshi)|Doctor Light]]... [[w:Aztek (comics)|Aztek]], Huntress, Vigilante, Elongated Man... :'''Booster Gold''': Ahem. :'''Martian Manhunter''': [[w:Vibe (comics)|Vibe]]... :'''Booster Gold''': AHEM! :'''Martian Manhunter''': ''[sighs]'' Booster Gold... :'''Booster Gold''': Yes! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Booster Gold''': Energize! :'''Teleporter Operator''': Doofus. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Elongated Man and Booster Gold are stuck with Crowd Control during a battle.]'' :'''[[w: Elongated Man|Elongated Man]]''': "We don't need two stretchy guys". This is so not fair! I mean, okay, I realize that Plastic Man is in the League too, I'm not dissing the guy's skills, but come on! I have it all over that guy! Once, I disguised myself as a vase for like three days! :'''Booster Gold''': No, you didn't! :'''Elongated Man''' Okay, maybe not. Who'd want to, anyway? But I ''am'' a detective! That means I'm like [[w: Plastic Man|Plastic Man]] and Batman rolled into one! And... :'''Booster Gold''': Is there any chance you could stop complaining for five minutes? :'''Elongated Man''': Hey, the squeaky wheel gets the grease, my friend. But I'll tell you one thing: I wouldn't help those ingrates now if they BEGGED me! :'''Wonder Woman''': We need you. :'''Booster Gold''': It's about time! :'''Wonder Woman''': Not you. HIM! :'''Elongated Man''': Squeaky Wheel! ''[leaves with Wonder Woman]'' :'''Skeets''': Maybe they needed a vase. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Booster Gold''': It doesn't matter what we do here, the battle is over there. We're not helping. :'''Skeets''': This is untrue. "They also serve, who only stand and wait." - [[John Milton]]. :'''Booster Gold''': Oh yeah? I got one for ya': "This stinks" - Booster Gold. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Booster Gold''': I am not Green Lantern! If I were Green Lantern, my costume would be green, now wouldn't it?! ''[to Skeets]'' I have officially hit rock bottom. :'''Skeets''': Sir, you saved those insects! Yay! Don't you feel good about yourself? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Booster Gold''': She's beautiful, and in distress! My favorite kind of damsel. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Booster Gold''': Oh, man, we are so lucky! All I have to do is pop this collar on Mr. Black Hole, save the world, and then it's champagne and strawberries for me and the hot doctor! ''[He is about to put the collar around Dr. Daniel's neck, when a car falls on him]'' ''[emerging from under the car]'' I thought they didn't have flying cars in this time period. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Booster Gold opens an ambulance door]'' :'''Booster Gold''': Uh-oh. ''[Cut to pregnant woman in labor; Dr. Simmons arrives]'' Maybe you should handle this. :'''Dr. Tracy Simmons''': Why me? :'''Booster Gold''': You're a doctor. :'''Dr. Tracy Simmons''': I'm a physicist! :'''Booster Gold''': Yeah? :'''Dr. Tracy Simmons''': Give me the collar! ''[She takes it and runs]'' :'''Booster Gold''': I'll - I'll take care of this. ''[climbs into the ambulance next to the woman]'' So, um... how are you feeling? :'''Woman''': ''[screams]'' :'''Booster Gold''': How many fingers am I holding up? :'''Woman''': ''[Grabs him]'' Do something useful! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Booster Gold''': Tracy, where are you? This is all my fault, Skeets. I never should have put her in harm's way. I mean, Superman wouldn't have done that. He would have figured this all out by now. :'''Skeets''': Thataway, sir. :'''Tracy Simmons''': Help me! Oh, no! :'''Skeets''': He's in the subway, sir. He's in the subway. :'''Booster Gold''': I know. :'''Booster Gold''': They were right. Some superhero I turned out to be. If anyone knew the truth. If she knew the truth-- :'''Skeets''': I've got nothing. :'''Tracy Simmons''': Did you find him? :'''Skeets''': According to my sensors, Dr. Brown is nearing critical mass. :'''Booster Gold''': Come on. :'''Tracy Simmons''': Daniel! :'''Daniel''': Tracy, keep back! I can't control it! :'''Booster Gold''': Just stay where you are. :'''Skeets''': Booster! :'''Booster Gold''': Skeets! No! :'''Daniel''': Ohh. :'''Booster Gold''': I blew it! :'''Tracy Simmons''': It's not too late! :'''Booster Gold''': I can't do it! :'''Tracy Simmons''': Yes, you can! You have to! :'''Booster Gold''': Tracy, I'm a fraud! Do you know why I came back to the past? It wasn't to fight for justice! It was to get rich, be famous! I was a failure in the future, just like I am here! I'm not a superhero! :'''Tracy Simmons''': Everything is about to be destroyed forever! And where are the other superheroes? Not here! You are! You're the only one that can do this! So do it! :'''Tracy Simmons''': You're alive. :'''Daniel''': Tracy? :'''Tracy Simmons''': You're all right, Daniel. Just take it slow. :'''Daniel''': I don't feel so good. :'''Booster Gold''': Skeets! :'''Skeets''': My gosh. It was full of stars. :'''Daniel''': Sorry. :'''Tracy Simmons''': You okay? :'''Booster Gold''': Yeah. You? :'''Tracy Simmons''': I am now. That was pretty super-heroic of you. :'''Booster Gold''': Hey. All in a judgment day's work. Well, see ya. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Skeets''': Sir, according to my thermal sensor readings of Dr. Simmons, you just missed a prime opportunity to... well, I believe the phrase is, "kiss the girl." :'''Booster Gold''': Kissing girls is for heroes, Skeets. :'''Captain Atom''': Nice work, Elongated Man. :'''Green Lantern''': That was just about the slickest move I've ever seen. :'''Elongated Man''': Hey, it was a team effort. I'm just glad I stretched in the right place at the right time. :'''Booster Gold''': Back to normal, huh? :'''Batman''': Mordru's magic was nullified when he lost consciousness. I thought I told you to stay on crowd control. :'''Booster Gold''': I know, but... there was this... I mean, you wouldn't believe it... it almost.. ''[pauses on seeing Batman narrowing his eyes]'' ah, forget it. :'''Batman''': You and I are gonna have a little chat later. ''[walks away]'' :'''Booster Gold''': ''[sarcastic]'' Looking forward to that. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tracy Simmons''': ''[offscreen]'' Excuse me, Green Lantern? :'''Booster Gold''': For the last time, I am not Green Lantern! My name is...! ''[turns and sees her]'' :'''Tracy Simmons''': ''[laughs]'' Just kidding. I know who Booster Gold is. So now that I'm not in distress, I was wondering if maybe I was still your kind of damsel. Because maybe we could have dinner if you're not busy doing cleanup. :'''Booster Gold''': Me? No. I only do crowd control. Squeaky wheel, buddy. Squeaky wheel. ===''The Return'' [1.8]=== :'''Guardian''': There's an unidentified object approaching Oa at a somewhat astonishing speed... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Guardian''': Magnify image. :'''Martian Manhunter''': Professor Ivo's android! :'''Green Lantern''': Holy Mother of-! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex Luthor''': ''[leading the rest to a hiding place]'' This is it. :'''[[w: Supergirl|Supergirl]]''': A barber shop? :'''[[W: John Henry Irons|Steel]]''': Got to hand it to you, Luthor - NOBODY would think to look for you here. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amazo''': You cannot keep me from my goal. :'''Superman''': Telepathy. :'''Green Lantern''': I'm not impressed. :'''Superman''': Why have you come back? What do you want? :'''Amazo''': Why do you ask questions you already know the answer to? :'''Superman''': Luthor. :'''Amazo''': Of course. :'''Superman''': We're not gonna give him up. :'''Amazo''': He's your enemy. You owe him nothing. :'''Superman''': Turn...back...now. :'''Amazo''': I have evolved far beyond what I was when we last met. You do not want to challenge me. :'''Green Lantern''': LIGHT HIM UP! :''[The First Line attacks]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kyle Rayner''': We're gonna use every bit of power left in our rings and take one last shot at the android. :'''Green Lantern''': A blast like that could destroy half the planet. :'''Kyle Rayner''': Half a planet is better than none. :''[in the Watchtower]'' :'''Martian Manhunter''': It's the only way. :'''Dr. Fate''': Hmmm, those words are always used to justify destruction. :'''Martian Manhunter''': We can only guess how much power the android has amassed as it has worked it's way across the galaxy. It has to be stopped, Fate. Here and now. Not just for the sake of this world, but for all worlds. :'''Dr. Fate''': Then for the sake of all worlds, I will continue to seek a better way. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex Luthor''': The most powerful creature in the universe wants my head, and the League sends its least powerful member to protect me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Atom_(Ray_Palmer)|Atom]]''': The android – why does he hate you so much? :'''Lex Luthor''': I once took advantage of his naiveté. He's not naïve any more, and I've stopped taking advantage of the innocent. :'''Atom''': Let's hope you'll be more convincing if you have to tell him that. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amazo''': Your bravery is admirable... but annoying. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Martian Manhunter''': You'll need that cannon very soon. :'''Lex Luthor''': Then stop interrupting us! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Martian Manhunter''': You've come to offer help? :'''Dr. Fate''': Not help. Hope. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amazo''': An intriguing idea, modifying the cannon so that it could alter my programming, and it might've worked... a month ago, when I was still nanotech. But I have transcended that limitation. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex Luthor''': A subatomic universe. :'''Atom''': Figured the android can't kill what he can't see. :'''Amazo''': Oh, but I ''can'' see you. ''[Atom and Luthor are revealed to be standing on Amazo's hand]'' Did you really think I couldn't follow you here? No universe, however large, however small, is denied to me. :'''Lex Luthor''': What do you want from me? :'''Amazo''': You have everything humans desire: wealth, power... yet you crave more, and you'll do anything to get it. Why? What is your ultimate purpose? :'''Lex Luthor''': What you're ''really'' asking is, what is ''yours?'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Fate''': Wait. Please. The android's nature has proved benign before. I believe it will again. :'''Green Lantern''': Benign?! You call destroying Oa benign?! ''[all assembled Green Lanterns aim their rings at Dr. Fate]'' Not even you can stand against the Green Lantern Corps. ''[Dr. Fate steps aside, and the Lanterns find the room empty]'' What the devil's going on? :'''Dr. Fate''': Lex Luthor is saving the world. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex Luthor''': The truth is, for all my struggles to make my mark in life, for all I've accomplished, in just a few short generations my name will be forgotten. Even the greatest of us can't compete with time... and death. :'''Amazo''': Then why do you go on? Why does anyone? Why don't I just destroy you and everything else right now? ''[winds start swirling]'' All it would take is a single thought and- :'''Lex Luthor''': No! If you do that, you won't see the end of it! :'''Amazo''': The end of what? :'''Lex Luthor''': The evolutionary process. You of all beings should know something about that. :'''Amazo''': Yes. Yes, I'm evolving. That's why Professor Ivo made me. These past months I have amassed so much knowledge, and yet... I remain confused... empty. What am I evolving into? What is my purpose?! I must know! ''TELL ME!'' :'''Lex Luthor''': There's no way to tell. And that's why I stay in the game. My purpose, if you will, is to see where it's all going. And you! You'll live forever. You'll be able to see it all. :'''Amazo''': Is that my purpose? Simply to be... a ''witness?'' :'''Lex Luthor''': We create our own purpose in life. Now go create yours. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex Luthor''': You know, when I heard you were coming I was actually afraid of you. Petrified. But now, when I see your fear, your uncertainty, I just pity you. :''[Amazo glares]'' :'''Atom''': You should have quit while you were ahead. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Fate''': It's over. Isn't it? :'''Amazo''': Yes. :'''Green Lantern''': He murders an entire world, and it's over? Just like that? I don't think so! :'''Amazo''': I did not destroy Oa - I simply moved it to another dimension. ''[everyone stares]'' It was in my way. :'''John Stewart''': Then could you move it back? :''[Amazo's eyes glow briefly]'' :'''Amazo''': Done. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Fate''': I can help you on your journey. In your search for meaning. :'''Amazo''': Help me? Why? :'''Dr. Fate''': Because that... is my purpose. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Atom''': Told you we'd beat him! :'''Lex Luthor''': What do you mean, "we"? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Inza''': Are you all right? :'''Dr. Fate''': Fine, although there was a moment when I actually thought John Stewart was going to attack me. :'''Shayera Hol''': Oh, I don't know about that. His bark's a lot worse than his bite. ===''Ultimatum'' [1.9]=== :'''Aquaman''': The new Bermuda Platform's under attack. If it collapses, we're gonna have the worst oil spill in history on our hands. I've told those idiots to stay out of my ocean. :'''Superman''': ETA is three minutes, Aquaman. :'''Wonder Woman''': Right behind you, Superman. :'''Batman''': See you there, Diana. :'''Aquaman''': These geniuses dug right into the Earth's magma. Never occurred to them there'd be anything living down there. :'''Batman''': ''[surrounded with Aquaman by Lava men]'' Can you make telepathic contact? :'''Aquaman''': Do they look like fish to you? :'''Wind Dragon''': Don't despair, old chum. :'''Long Shadow''': I didn't know you could do that. :'''Wind Dragon''': Neither did I. :'''Wind Dragon''': Finding new sources of fuel for an energy starved world is truly a worthy endeavor. But in man's quest to better himself, he must respect all of the world's creatures, including those poor beasts whose homes you've disturbed. :'''Wind Dragon''': Not to worry, fellow heroes. The Ultimen are here. :'''Aquaman''': Not them again. :'''Wind Dragon''': Now, is that nice? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Superman is encased in hardened magma]'' :'''Wind Dragon''': You know, Juice, Superman was my hero when I was a lad. It's not his fault he's getting old. :'''Superman''': "Old"?! ''[breaks free]'' :'''Wind Dragon''': Old but spry, sir, old but spry! :'''Long Shadow''': It's, uh, really an honor to be working with you, Wonder Woman. :'''Wonder Woman''': Thank you, Long Shadow. :'''Shifter''': Lend them a hand, Brother? :'''Downpour''': Absolutely, Sister. :'''Shifter''': Flood! :'''Downpour''': Sea serpent! :'''Shifter''': Don't be afraid, Wonder Woman. It's only me, Shifter. :'''Wonder Woman''': Any chance you could warn me before you try to drown me? :'''Shifter''': We were only trying to help. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Long Shadow''': What I wanna know is- :'''Shifter, Downpour, Juice, Wind Dragon''': "Why can't we join the Justice League?" :'''Wind Dragon''': Hey, it's all right. I used to think like that. :'''Long Shadow''': Used to? What happened? :'''Wind Dragon''': I dunno. I guess I just started wanting stuff. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': ''[on Maxwell Lord]'' I can't listen to anymore of this. This guy's dripping more oil than that platform ever did. <hr width="50%'/> :'''Bizarro''': Me will do anything for the woman he loves! Even break her boyfriend out of prison! :'''Wonder Woman''': And what's gonna happen then? :'''Bizarro''': Uh... ''[gets knocked out]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bizarro''': ''[singing]'' Bizarro here to save the day! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Giganta''': Outta the way, tiny. :''[Long Shadow grows taller than her]'' :'''Long Shadow''': You were saying? :'''Giganta''': Oh, poop. <hr width="50%'/> :'''Wonder Woman''': Whatever's going on, we'll do everything in our power to... :'''Wind Dragon''': Yes, ''power.'' That's what it always comes down to, doesn't it? And that's the only way we'll ever be remembered. 'Cause we're the ones who take down the Justice League! The world will never forget us! :'''Batman''': Listen to yourself, you're not making any sense! You're getting sicker! :'''Wind Dragon''': Translation: they're afraid to face us! :'''Long Shadow''': No! :'''Wind Dragon''': As a man said, "You're either with us or against us." :'''Juice''': Where'd he go? :'''Batman''': Light's out... old chum. :'''Downpour''': Nobody does that to my sister. Do you hear me?! Nobody! :''[Downpour blasts Aquaman with a huge tidal wave, which is almost entirely ineffective.]'' :'''Aquaman''': King of the seas, remember? :'''Superman''': Project Cadmus? That's all you know? :'''Long Shadow''': Everything else is an implanted memory. :'''Wonder Woman''': How much time... do you have left? :'''Long Shadow''': Who knows? :'''Amanda Waller''': We'll take it from here. The Ultimen belong to us. :'''Wonder Woman''': Belong? :'''Maxwell Lord''': A poor choice of words. We'll see to it that their last days are comfortable. We will take care of you. You have my word, for whatever it's worth. :'''Wind Dragon''': All right, Max. :''[The gunmen step towards Long Shadow. Wonder Woman steps in front of him.] :'''Wonder Woman''': No. :'''Amanda Waller''': You need to step back. :'''Batman''': Not gonna happen. Long Shadow's with us. :'''Amanda Waller''': ''[to troops]'' Safeties. :''[Soldiers train guns on the League; Superman and Aquaman get between them and Long Shadow]'' :'''Batman''': ''[smirking]'' Mine are bigger than yours. :'''Amanda Waller''': Stand down. He's free to go with you for however long he's got. :'''Batman''': Who are you people? :'''Amanda Waller''': That's a national security matter. And if I were you, I wouldn't probe the situation too closely... rich boy. :'''Wonder Woman''': Welcome to the Justice League. ===''Dark Heart'' [1.10]=== :'''[[w: The Atom|The Atom]]''': ''[confronted by a (relatively) giant nanomachine]'' He's bigger than my car now, Katie. Personally, I blame you. :'''Katie''': How can it possibly be my fault? :'''The Atom''': Because otherwise it would be ''my'' fault. That can't be right; I'm a professor. ''[He rides the nanomachine like a bronco, opening a panel on its back.]'' Okay, I can see the problem, now, Katie. Looks like the salt water created a bad nano-chip. I can get around it by.... ''[he's nearly thrown off as the nanomachine writhes under him]'' Okay, I'm just gonna be direct. ''[He punches the chip, breaking it, but he is shocked by the contact. The nanomachine comes to a halt, and he lies prone on its back, exhausted.]'' :'''Katie''': Professor Palmer! Professor! Ray! :'''The Atom''': I'm just going to lie here for a while, Katie. I'm old now, and I get tired. :'''Katie''': Professor Palmer, you have company...''serious'' company... :'''The Atom''': Stand by, I'm coming up. ''[He adjusts a dial on his belt, causing him to grow out of the petri dish. He steps down from the table it's on, to stand only a little shorter than Superman.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[in free fall, having bailed out of his plane]'' Batman to all points. I could use some air support. Since I can't fly. At all. ''[continues to fall and states calmly]'' Now would be good. ''[Superman catches him only a few feet from the ground]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': ''[holding Atom in her palm]'' Ready? :'''Atom''': Just don't squeeze. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': ''[in the midst of battle, before tucking Atom into her cleavage]'' I need both hands, professor. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Atom''': This is incredible. Every atom of it is filled with books' worth of information, it is beautifully simple, it— :'''Batman''': Save it for the autopsy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Atom''': Amazing. Show him a weapon that destroyed its creators and every other thing it saw, and he wants to play with it. What's to stop history from repeating itself right here on Earth? :'''Superman''': We are. ===''Wake the Dead'' [1.11]=== :'''Aquaman''': Such scintillating repartee. I get better conversation from the android. :'''Amazo''': You are aware I'm in the room? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Aquaman''': I win again... huzzah. :'''Shayera Hol''': It's just a game. :''[Aquaman knocks the board and pieces off the table]'' :'''Aquaman''': You disgust me! :'''Shayera Hol''': Join the club. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': Aquaman thinks I've been here too long. :'''Inza''': Flowers bloom when they are ready, Shayera. :'''Shayera Hol''': I'm no flower. I'm not Lieutenant Shayera Hol of the Thanagarian Empire. Not anymore. I've been stripped of my rank, exiled from my home world. I'm not Hawkgirl. That was always a sham. When I do my job, people get hurt, people that I care about. :'''Inza''': And what happens when you don't do your job? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Lantern''': Doctor Fate called it, Solomon Grundy's back. :'''Vixen''': The zombie guy? A heavy hitter, I read about him in the files. :'''Green Lantern''': Yeah, he's tough, but we can handle him. Funny thing is, he's supposed to be dead. :'''Vixen''': Aren't all zombies, by definition, dead? :'''Green Lantern''': Uh... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amazo''': Checkmate. You are improving. This time it took me 16 moves to defeat you. That's nearly double the number it took last time. :'''Aquaman''': ''[annoyed]'' Set up the board. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Fate''': Solomon Grundy's grave is empty. :'''Aquaman''': Find those responsible, then dig more graves. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Fate''': ''[magically watching Superman, Green Lantern and Vixen fighting Solomon Grundy]'' They need our help. :'''Shayera Hol''': So does Grundy. Let's try and get there before the League kills him. :'''Amazo''': ''[as the battle turns against the League]'' That scenario seems... unlikely. <hr width="50%"/> :''[John and Shayera meet for the first time since Starcrossed.]'' :'''Green Lantern''': Shayera? :'''Shayera Hol''': ... Hate the beard. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': You let Amazo out of the tower now? :'''Dr. Fate''': I'm curious to see how you would dissuade him. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Lantern''': ''[Seeing Superman coming from water to the bridge]'' Are you OK? :'''Superman''': Do I look OK? <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Doctor Fate|Doctor Fate]]''': The creature knows only rage and seeks only oblivion. Your mace may be the only object on Earth that can grant him peace. :'''[[W: John Stewart (comics)|Green Lantern]]''': What are you saying!? :'''Shayera Hol''': Your favorite movie's [[w: Old Yeller (1957 film)|Old Yeller]]. You know ''exactly'' what he's saying. Is this my destiny? To be a destroyer? To betray yet another friend? :'''Doctor Fate''': It's not that simple. It never was. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The vote to keep Shayera in the league or not is revealed.]'' :'''Green Lantern''': I recused myself because... well... Anyway, Superman broke the tie. :'''Superman''': I believe in second chances, I believe in redemption. But mostly, I believe in my friends. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Lantern''': ''[as several onlookers jeer Shayera]'' Back off! She doesn't have to take that from you people! :'''Shayera Hol''': Yes, I do. But it's okay. I guess I deserve some of it. :''[Her hand is taken]'' :'''Mother''': You saved our lives. God bless you, Chica Halcón. :'''Green Lantern''': You deserve that, too. ===''The Once and Future Thing Part 1: Weird Western Tales'' [1.12]=== :'''Enid Clinton''': David? David! Are you hiding in the garage again? Look at this mess. Come on out, David. I know you're here. :'''David Clinton''': Oh. Hello, dear. I was just cataloging some of my collection. :'''Enid Clinton''': Collection? Pft. Bunch of junk. :'''David Clinton''': It's not junk. This comb belonged to Cleopatra. And this... This is an actual early draft of the Magna Carta. And this... :'''Enid Clinton''': Right. Like you could afford these things on a physics professor's salary. We can't even afford the new car I want. :'''David Clinton''': I-I didn't buy them, Enid. I sort of took them. :'''Enid Clinton''': You robbed a museum? Is that why you're wearing that goofy cat suit? :'''David Clinton''': Well, sort of. Not exactly. Remember last summer when I didn't get tenure? :'''Enid Clinton''': Yeah. They thought you were crazy because you kept insisting you were on the verge of discovering... time travel. :'''David Clinton''': It's my chrono-suit. I've had it working for months. I've been using it to gather treasures for my collection. And you said I was a loser. :'''Enid Clinton''': Let me get this straight. You got a suit that lets you travel in time, and you've been using it to steal historical trash? ''[David looks proud; Enid grabs him abusively]'' You stupid little man! You could go back and steal gold and jewels! You could get stock information from the future! We could be rich! :'''[[w:Chronos (comics)|David Clinton]]''': No! We can't use the suit to do anything that could change history. I'm careful to only take things that wouldn't be missed. :'''Enid Clinton''': Like your ''spine?'' :'''David Clinton''': Enid, please, don't talk to me like that. I love- :'''Enid Clinton''': Mother was right. I should have married Jim Doorman. He's a very successful lawyer. And you ''ARE'' a loser - always were, always will be. :'''David Clinton''': But- :'''Enid Clinton''': YOU WORTHLESS, GOOD-FOR-NOTHING, WRETCHED WASTE OF SPACE! YOU INVENT A TIME MACHINE AND CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING USEFUL TO DO WITH IT?! :'''David Clinton''': ''[is stunned with fright at first, but then turns angry]'' I can think of ONE thing! ''[activates a portal in time]'' I can use it to get away from YOU! :''[He disappears into it, leaving Enid looking scared]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': By all means, you first. :'''Green Lantern''': Diana's carrying a grudge. :'''Batman''': She'll get over it. How 'bout you? Carrying anything? :'''Green Lantern''': What? Shayera? We're cool. We're giving each other our space. I'm seeing Vixen, now. ''[pause]'' I'm very happy. :'''Batman''': Uh-''huh''. :'''Green Lantern''': Anyway, why are we always talking about my love life? What's going on between you and Diana? :'''Batman''': Nothing. She's a respected colleague. :'''Green Lantern''': Uh-''huh''. :'''Batman''': I don't have time to pursue a relationship. My work is too important to allow any distractions. Diana's a remarkable woman, she's a valued friend, she's... ''[realizes]'' ...standing right behind me, isn't she? :'''Wonder Woman''': ''[indeed she is]'' Don't let that stop you. ''[leans over Batman, flirtatiously]'' Keep digging. :'''David Clinton''': [GRUNTING] Aah! :'''Batman''': Who are you? How did you get in the watchtower? :'''David Clinton''': You weren't supposed see me. Stay away! No one's supposed to know I was here. :'''Green Lantern''': Everybody okay? :'''Wonder Woman''': Where are we? :'''Batman''': "Where"? I think the question is "when"? :'''Wild West Robber''': I have to confess. You're about the most colorfully attired individuals I've ever bushwhacked. You circus folk? :'''Wonder Woman''': Not exactly. :'''Wild West Robber''': I don't care what you are, long as you pay the toll. :'''Wonder Woman''': Toll? :'''Wild West Robber''': Welcome to Elkhorn, Oklahoma, ma'am. This here is Tobias Manning territory. :'''Wonder Woman''': You want tribute? Money? :'''Wild West Robber''': Why in particular.. That fat gold chain will do just fine, unless you got somethin' else you want to give... [SCREAMS] :'''Wonder Woman''': Those are the biggest, slowest bullets I've ever seen. :'''Batman''': You're letting them go? :'''Wonder Woman''': Hm? Oh, no. :'''Batman''': I was afraid of this. The Elkhorn Gazette. It's either an amazing forgery, or it's less than a month old. :'''Wonder Woman''': So? :'''Batman''': Look at the date. :'''Batman''': ''[reading]: June, 1879. :'''Green Lantern''': I have mentioned how much I hate time travel. :'''Wonder Woman''': If we don't find our sneak thief, we're stuck here. :'''Green Lantern''': Let's head for the nearest town. See if we can find him. :'''Batman''': We can't go anywhere dressed like this. :'''Wonder Woman''': No. We can't. <hr width="50%"/> :''[after swapping their costumes for cowboy clothes]'' :'''Diana''': These shoes are killing me. :'''Bruce Wayne''': You fight crime wearing high heels. :'''Diana''': High heels that fit. Aren't you going to put those on, John? :'''Green Lantern''': Has the shower been invented yet? Somebody should tell this guy. :'''John Stewart''': Those empty holsters aren't going to scare anybody. You sure you don't want one of these? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Positive. Let's ride. :'''Diana''': Hyah! :'''Tobias Manning''': What's it gonna be, Earl? :'''Earl''': I'm studying it, Tobias. :'''Bat Lash''': My pappy always said, "Faint of heart never filled a flush." :'''Earl''': It ain't your pappy's money. Fold. :'''Tobias Manning''': That leaves you and me. What are you holding, Mr. Lash? :'''Bat Lash''': It'll cost you another $500 to find out. :'''Tobias Manning''': Call. Four kings and an ace. :'''Bat Lash''': Well, now, that's a mite perplexing, seeing as I got four aces and a king. :'''Tobias Manning''': Well, I've got the gun. :'''Bat Lash''': Lot of that going around lately. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bat Lash''': Seems like a waste of a good-sized pot. How 'bout we split it and both walk away? :''[Manning's gun extends six additional barrels]'' :'''Tobias Manning''': How 'bout I keep it all? :'''Bat Lash''': Sounds fair the way you explain it. :'''Diana''': That technology's from the future. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Wait. We don't know how things work here yet. :'''Tobias Manning''': Hang him at dawn. :'''Bat Lash''': Don't I get a trial? :'''Tobias Manning''': Sure. You're guilty. My town, my rules. :'''Bat Lash''': Wait a minute. Can't we talk about this? How 'bout another hand? Double or nothin'! :'''John Stewart''': I think we know how things work here now. :'''Diana''': We have to help that man. :'''Bruce Wayne''': That's not what we're here for. Someone's tampering with history. The stakes are much bigger than the life of one card shark. :'''Diana''': Then it's settled. We'll break him out after sundown. :'''David Clinton''': That's not going to work. I tried it. Yeah, those bars are cheap pig iron, but they're plenty strong enough to hold. At least until morning when they come to hang you. :'''Bat Lash''': Do you mind? I'm trying to plan an escape over here. :'''David Clinton''': How's it going so far? :'''Bat Lash''': I'm working on it. :'''Guard''': Quiet down in there! :'''Bat Lash''': That's just what I was telling him. :'''John Stewart''': I'll get the door. Or that. :'''Bruce Wayne''': I'd get out of town if I were you. :'''Bat Lash''': I'd like to, but my pappy always said, "A man who sticks his head in the sand makes a pretty good target." I got business to conclude before I leave. Bartholomew Aloysius Lash. Friends call me Bat. Bat Lash. :'''John Stewart''': I'm John. These are my friends Diana and, uh... :'''Bruce Wayne''': Bruce. :'''John Stewart''': We're the lawmen, looking to bring a criminal to justices. :'''Diana''': You may have seen him. He's got amazing machines. We think the man who put you in here works for him. :'''David Clinton''': Not quite, Wonder Woman. :'''Diana''': How do you know who I am? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Because he's the man we're looking for. :'''David Clinton''': David Clinton, inventor of the chrono-suit, at your disposal. :'''John Stewart''': You tried to steal Batman's utility belt. :'''David Clinton''': And you chased me, but time tunnels are somewhat counter-intuitive. Even though you were only seconds behind me, I arrived here nearly six months before you did. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Where's your time travel device? :'''David Clinton''': Now, that's a story. As soon as I got here, I was robbed. :'''Diana''': By Tobias Manning. :'''David Clinton''': Yes, ma'am. He took my suit and used it to take over this town. He keeps taking trips to the future and coming back with stolen technology. He keeps me here to teach him how to use the stuff that he can't work out for himself. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bat Lash''': Which I'd suspect is most of it, what with him being so mule-stupid and all. :'''David Clinton''': It's been horrible here. Humiliating. I just want to go home. I'll gladly take my punishment if you help me get back. :'''John Stewart''': How did Tobias take over a whole town with a time machine? :'''David Clinton''': Future tech, like his extra-dimensional six-gun. :'''Bruce Wayne''': And his surveillance cameras. We need to go. Now. :'''Diana''': You're with us. :'''Bat Lash''': That's a healthy gal. :'''John Stewart''': I've got their positions. I'm gonna take 'em down. :'''Diana''': Don't hurt anyone. We could accidentally change history. :'''John Stewart''': Little late for that, don't you think? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Go ahead. Give me an excuse. :'''John Stewart''': Something's happening out there. :'''Bat Lash''': Something's happening, all right. The cavalry's arrived. :'''John Stewart''': Who are you people? :'''Sheriff Ohiyesa Smith''': Sheriff Ohiyesa Smith. :'''El Diablo''': El Diablo, ever at the service of justice. :'''Jonah Hex''': Jonah Hex. Don't have a lot of time for jawing. In these parts, there's an abundance of bad men who need setting straight. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': You're with us. :''[tears the door off David's cell]'' :'''Bat Lash''': That's a healthy gal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Jonah Hex|Jonah Hex]]''': If you all are working for Tobias, there's gonna be difficulty. :'''[[w:Bat Lash|Bat Lash]]''': Easy, Jonah - they're with me. They helped me out of a spot while I was here incognito tryin' to find out more about Tobias. :'''[[w:Pow Wow Smith|Ohiyesa Smith]]''': What have you learned? :'''Bat Lash''': Among other moral failings, the man cheats at poker. :'''Jonah Hex''': ''[scoffs]'' I could have told you that. ''[hacks and spits]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Jonah Hex''': What's your stake in this? :'''John Stewart''': We're lawmen too. :'''Jonah Hex''': From back east? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Sure. <hr width="50%"/> :'''John Stewart''': What's the plan? :'''Jonah Hex''': Plan? Huh. We put 'em in the ground. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Jonah Hex''': Fancy gun belt ya got there. I'm thinking you folks are time travelers. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Where would you get a crazy idea like that? :'''Jonah Hex''': Experience. I've had an interesting life. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce Wayne''': Go ahead... give me an excuse. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ohiyesa Smith''': We're getting close. I wanna warn you, there's some downright unusual activity goin' on hereabouts; don't let it throw you. :'''John Stewart''': Don't worry about it, we've got a lot of experience with unusu- ''[a cowboy riding a pterodactyl flies towards them]'' ...I'm sorry, you were saying? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ohiyesa Smith''': Tobias Manning's always been trouble. I've run him out of town before. Well, he came back, except this time he had... I don't know, magic powers. :'''[[w:El Diablo (comics)|El Diablo]]''': There's no such thing as magic, my friend. It was some sort of trickery. :'''Ohiyesa Smith''': Well, he "tricked" me near to death. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ohiyesa Smith''': The shots are spooking the horses! :''' Bat Lash''': The shots are spooking me! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce Wayne''': Six guns. Six of us. Nobody miss. ===''The Once and Future Thing Part 2: Time, Warped'' [1.13]=== :'''Green Lantern''': Last time I saw you, you were too young to drive. You look good for a man your age! :'''[[w: Static (comics)|Static]]''': The miracles of modern medicine. Sixty-five is the new thirty! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[met by his past self]'' Surprised to see me? :'''Batman''': A little. I'm more surprised that I lived so long. :'''[[W: Terry McGinnis|Terry McGinnis (Batman II):]]''' Batman, Bruce Wayne. Bruce Wayne, Batman. Or have you met? :'''Batman and Bruce''': ''[simultaneously]'' Not now! :'''Batman II''': Great. What did they used to call it? [[w: Stereophonic sound|Stereo?]] <hr width="50%"/> :'''Static''': Shayera was one ''cranky'' pregnant lady. Although to be fair, if I'd laid an egg that size... :'''[[w:Warhawk (Batman Beyond)|Warhawk]]''': ''[to Green Lantern]'' He's ''kidding'', Dad—not that I understand why you think this is anything to joke about. :'''Static''': Because we already won. Think about it: If old Bruce is here, that means he already lived through this as Batman. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Flawless logic...except that I have no memory of ever going to the future and meeting my older self, or of anything else that's happening today. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Chronos (comics)|Chronos]]''': The question arises: who told them where and when our targets would arrive? I mean, I told you, and I only know because I'm the undisputed master of space and time. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Chronos sends the traitorous Joker, Chucko, back to prehistoric times]'' :'''Chronos''': Enjoy your stay. :''[Chronos disappears in his portal; a Tyrannosaurus Rex appears and Chucko draws a lightsaber]'' :'''Chucko''': You think I'm scared?! I'll be running this dump in a few ye-! ''[sees a giant asteroid falling right towards him from the sky]'' ...Aw, phooey. :''[We see a massive explosion on Earth, killing the dinosaurs and Chucko. Chronos returns to Enid and the other Jokerz]'' :'''Chronos''': Do you know what killed the dinosaurs? :''[The Jokerz look around stupidly]'' :'''Bonk''': Uh, no... sir? :'''Chronos''': Well, Chucko does. And unless you wanna find out firsthand, you'll go finish off the Justice League. Skedaddle! Time is money! ''[to Enid]'' Actually, time is the non-spatial continuum in which events occur linearly, usually in the direction of increased entropy. But the clowns seem to relate better to the money thing. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman II''': We need to find Chronos. :'''Static''': How? He could be anywhere. :'''Batman''': Sometimes, the best ways are the old ways. ''[Heads for the door]'' :'''Batman II''': It's not that simple. You don't know your way around here. A lot of things have changed. :'''Batman''': ''[pauses with the door half-open]'' Are criminals still superstitious and cowardly? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Yep. :'''Batman''': Good enough for me. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The League confronts one of the Jokerz.]'' :'''Batman II''': You've got some information we need, Ghoul. :'''Ghoul''': You won't find me the talkative sort. ''[Batman grabs him]'' Hey! :'''Batman''': ''[drags Ghoul over to the edge of the building and dangles him over the edge by his leg]'' Where's Chronos? My arm's getting tired. :'''Bruce Wayne''': I can't believe I was ever that green. ''[grabs Ghoul and throws him across the rooftop before advancing on him slowly]'' ''This'' is how you interrogate someone! :''[Later]'' :'''Ghoul''': ...and we've got 9453 active Jokerz organized into about 200 smaller groups. I don't know where Chronos is! He contacts us! He spends every night in a different one of those old buildings! There's no way of knowing ahead of time where he's gonna be! And that's everything I know! :'''Bruce Wayne''': Everything? :'''Ghoul''': ... I wet my bed until I was fourteen! :'''Bruce Wayne''': Losing my patience... :'''Batman''': ''[pulls Bruce Wayne back with a hand on his shoulder]'' I can't control my friend here much longer. You'd better give us something we can use. :'''Ghoul''': His wife! I know where his wife is! :'''Static''': ''[on the sidelines, quietly]'' Wow. Batman playing ''good'' cop... ''[shakes his head in astonishment]'' :'''Green Lantern''': Everything's relative. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Warhawk''': If we don't beat this guy, it's the end of everything. :'''Batman II''': We've been there before. :'''Warhawk''': Not like this. What are you supposed to do when you have the weight of the world on your shoulders? :'''Green Lantern''': Plant your feet. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Lantern''': I don't get it. Of all the places in the city he could stay, why here? :'''Enid Clinton''': Because a loser with a kingdom is still just a loser! See for yourself! ''[opens the time-displaced Elkhorn town jail, where Chronos is sleeping, curled up and sucking his thumb]'' :'''Chronos:''' ''[wakes up]'' Huh- Uh- Enid? :'''Green Lantern''': Nice on the stealth thing, lady. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Chronos! :'''Chronos:''' Wow. You ''are'' good. ''[turns to Enid]'' Isn't he good? :'''Batman''': Look at what's happening around you! Look at the sky! :''[Above them, existence is becoming a white void]'' :'''Chronos''': ''[with a crazed smile]'' Pretty... :'''Green Lantern''': Stay with us, man! We have a problem here! :'''Chronos''': Right, you're right. This calls for another approach. ''[kisses Enid on the cheek and activates a portal]'' You'll love me next time! :''[Batman and Green Lantern pursue Chronos into the portal.]'' :'''Batman''': Where's he going? There's nothing left! :'''Green Lantern''': Yes, there is - the beginning of time. :'''Batman''': He can reset everything; make himself into a god! :'''Green Lantern''': Only if he gets there first. :''[Ahead of them, the image of a swirling pattern in the palm of a hand appears.]'' :'''Green Lantern''': The Green Lanterns have a legend. No one can see the beginning of time. It's a universal law! :'''Batman''': Write him a ticket! :''[Green Lantern forms manacles that seize Chronos and pull him back.]'' :'''Chronos''': NO! :''[Batman inserts the disk he's written into the time-travel belt.]'' :'''Batman''': Uploading the program... :'''Green Lantern''': Make it fast! Having a little trouble with the brakes! :''[They are suddenly back where they started, in the Watchtower cafeteria.]'' :'''Green Lantern''': ... That all... really happened? :'''Batman''': Think so. :'''Green Lantern''': Then... we won? Everything's back to normal? :'''Wonder Woman''': That's a nasty cut, John. :''[Green Lantern touches the cut he got during their adventure.]'' :'''Batman''': ''[to Wonder Woman]'' You don't remember going on a mission with us today, do you? :'''Wonder Woman''': I just got here. :'''Batman''': ''[in an undertone to Green Lantern]'' The timeline's restored to equilibrium. We're the only two people who remember what happened. :''[Green Lantern notices Shayera, who merely gives him an offhanded look]'' :'''Green Lantern''': That... complicates things. What happened to Chronos? :'''Batman''': ''[amusement in his voice]'' I reprogrammed the belt to make sure that Chronos would never come to exist. :''[Flash to the future, when Chronos first tried to jump though time to escape his wife. Every time he punches the button, he arrives back in the same moment he would have left.]'' ==Season 2== ===''The Cat and the Canary'' [2.1]=== :'''[[w: Black Canary|Black Canary]]''': Black Canary. :'''Green Arrow''': Green Arrow. ''[They shake hands]'' I've noticed you around. :'''Black Canary''': I know. You happy punching the bag or you wanna go a few rounds with me? ''[Green Arrow stares awkwardly]'' I ''am'' talking about sparring. :'''Green Arrow''': That'd be nice too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': Well, at least now I understand why you brought me along. You didn't need Green Arrow - you just needed "green." :'''Black Canary''': It isn't like that! :'''Green Arrow''': No? Then tell me - what's it like? :'''Black Canary''': I thought I could trust you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wildcat''': What is this? :'''Black Canary''': We want to help you, Ted. We want to get you out of here. :'''Wildcat''': Why? Does it look like I have a problem? :'''Black Canary''': You do if you don't see what you've become here! You're entertainment for these people! The rooster in a cockfight! :'''Wildcat''': Fighting is what I ''do'', alright? It was all I was ever good at and I'm ''still'' good at it - I'm Wildcat, the guy who fights! That's what I am. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wildcat''': I'll be there in ten minutes. :'''Black Canary''': Would those be real minutes or Wildcat minutes? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': Uh, there's no place to change. :'''Black Canary''': Right here'll do. :''[they turn their backs to each other and Dinah begins to undress, Ollie sneaks a look over his shoulder.]'' :'''Black Canary''': You drop something? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Roulette''': That's right. Two good guys, fighting each other. And one of them's her. ''[cut to Black Canary, then cut to the audience, where male jaws are dropping]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Black Canary''': ''[To Roulette]'' Then here's the deal: If I win, you ban Wildcat from cage fighting forever. And If I lose, ''[to Wildcat]'' I'll never bother you again. :'''Wildcat''': Forget it! :'''[[w:Roulette (DC Comics)|Roulette]]''': Can't do that, Cat - it's much too good an idea. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Black Canary''': You don’t understand, if we leave here without Wildcat, or worse, if I use my power to force him out, he'll just come back. We have to settle this the only way he understands. :'''Green Arrow''': You're not really gonna fight him... :'''Black Canary''': I have to. And beat him, it's the only way he can stop. :'''Green Arrow''': ''[takes an arrow]'' I thought it was just you pretending again. :'''Black Canary''': What's that supposed to mean? :'''Green Arrow''': Like all the flirting you did at the Watchtower. The way you acted interested. To get me to come with you. :'''Black Canary''': Who said that was pretending? :'''Green Arrow''': Oh no, I know your game now. :'''Black Canary''': It's not always a game. :'''Green Arrow''': No? Come here, look me in the eye and say so. ''[Black Canary comes closer to Green Arrow, who knocks her out with gas from the arrow; Roulette enters the room and sees Black Canary unconscious]'' Don't worry. You'll still get your main event. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Black Canary''': ''[to Green Arrow, who she thinks is dead]'' You know, that was an incredibly stupid thing to do. Not to mention arrogant, pig-headed, macho, and... very very sweet. ''[kisses him]'' I'm sorry... :'''Green Arrow''': ''[opens eyes]'' I'm not. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': Care to join me for a cup of coffee? :'''Black Canary''': Yeah. :'''Green Arrow''': Good. You're buying. :''[As he limps away, Canary smiles.]'' ===''The Ties That Bind'' [2.2]=== :'''Oberon''': Craziest stunt you ever pulled... :'''Mr. Miracle''': That's why we're rehearsing it. :'''Oberon''': Kid's got an answer for everything. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mr. Miracle has just performed a seemingly impossible escape]'' :'''[[w:Big Barda|Big Barda]]''': ''[Relieved; hugs him]'' Scott! I thought you were dead! ''[angry; picks him up]'' You insufferable showboat! I thought you were dead! <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Mister Miracle|Mister Miracle]]''': Hey, where is Oberon? :'''Granny Goodness''': Don't worry, dumpling. He's safe and sound, in Granny's loving care! Of course, if you ever want to see the old runt alive again, you'll do exactly as Granny says. :'''Big Barda''': You demented old gargoyle... <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Flash (comics)|Flash]]''': Could it hurt them to show me just a little respect? :'''[[w:Elongated Man|Elongated Man]]''': Tell me about it, I've been at this longer than you and they still treat me like comic relief. :'''Flash''': Better than being treated like a teenage sidekick! I mean, I was one of the original seven! Tell me the truth, Ralph, do I seem immature to you? :'''Elongated Man''': Not in the least. :''[Widen to show they are playing "Brawlin' Bots"]'' :'''Flash''': Ha! I bopped your block off! :'''Elongated Man''': That-that's not fair, the green guy's arms are longer! :'''Flash''': Are not! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Big Barda''': We don't need these cowards! We can do it on our own! :'''Flash''': Great news, Bertha! You don't have to! :''[Barda seizes him by the throat] :'''Big Barda''': BARDA! :'''Flash''': ''[squeaks]'' Isn't that what I said? <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Virman Vundabar|Virman Vundabar]]''': Kalibak, Kalibak, Kalibak... I have used every vile punishment, every known torture, yet still you refuse to join Virman Vundabar's noble cause. :'''[[w:Kalibak|Kalibak]]''': You're about as noble as my armpit. :'''Virman Vundabar''': Very well, you've forced me to my last resort! ''[reaches into his uniform]'' Cake! ''[Kalibak licks his lips, but then spits at Vundabar]'' Oh, did I say that was my last resort? My mistake, I have one more! ''[activates torture device]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Oberon (comics)|Oberon]]''': You've always been this deluded? Or is it just since senility set in? :'''[[w:Granny Goodness|Granny Goodness]]''': Oh! You wound Granny. But not as much as Granny is going to wound you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Granny Goodness''': Are you enjoying Granny's hospitality? :'''Oberon''': Ah, blow it out your shorts, ya goose-stepping harpy! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash''': Not that I mind the exercise, but couldn't your boob tube have transported us any closer? :'''Big Barda''': It's "boom tube"! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Virman Vundabar''': Ah, this should be a magnificent show, even if I already know the ending. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Big Barda is fighting the robot guards]'' :'''Flash''': Robots! I ''love'' smashing robots! :'''Mr. Miracle''': No! You've got something more important to do. Search this place and find Kalibak. :'''Flash''': Will you two be all - ''[robot head flies past]'' Okay! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kalibak''': Well, if it isn't my treacherous stepbrother. And his ''cow.'' :'''Big Barda''': Arrogant worm! How dare you -! ''[swings at him]'' :'''Flash''': ''Knock it off!'' What are you guys, twelve? I can't believe ''I'm'' the mature one here. :'''Mr. Miracle''': He's right. We've got bigger problems. :'''Virman Vundabar''': Indeed you do, fools! Much bigger! And, oh, how I will delight in watching you fail! ''[Barda blasts the monitor]'' [[w:Arte Johnson|Very interesting...but futile]]. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kalibak''': Saved by a female! :'''Flash''': ''[To Big Barda]'' Guess you'd better drop him. ''[Big Barda starts to drop him]'' ''KIDDING!'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Scott Free is trapped in a room rapidly filling with water]'' :'''Virman Vundabar''': Enjoying your bath, Mr. Miracle? Here at Casa de Vundabar, we provide everything, including your very last breath! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kalibak''': Vundabar's not done with us yet! :''[An entire army of guard robots suddenly attack]'' :'''Flash''': Hope you're happy! :'''Kalibak''': Indeed I am! :''[Big Barda and Kalibak smash the guards, Miracle and Flash hang back]'' :'''Flash''': Shouldn't we...? :'''Mr. Miracle''': And spoil their fun? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Martian Manhunter''': ''[to Granny Goodness]'' Try not to think about where you've got Oberon hidden. - ''[to Flash]'' Darkseid's old palace. I'll guide you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mr. Miracle''': Ah, it's good to see you, old friend! :'''Oberon''': It's good to see me, too! :'''Big Barda''': All the trouble we had to go through because of you. :'''Oberon''': All legs, and no heart. :'''Big Barda''': You're just too far away to hear it. :''[kneels and hugs him]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[as Scott and his party depart Apokolips]'' :'''Granny Goodness''': How? Granny never failed with any of them. How did she fail with him? :'''Big Barda''': ''[comes back]'' Oh, one last thing... :''[She delivers a right cross to Granny's jaw, knocking her cold.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Martian Manhunter''': Flash- :'''Flash''': Yeah, I know, I know, I went behind your back! But look how everything turned out! We boom back here for you, the switch went off perfectly, and now we've got Kalibak locked up on Earth where neither side can use him! :'''Martian Manhunter''': You don't- :'''Flash''': So, yeah! I did go behind your back, but you know what? I'd do it again! What do you say to that, big guy? :'''Martian Manhunter''': I was only going to ask if you wanted to play Brawlin' Bots. ''[smiles]'' :'''Flash''': ...Dibs on the green one! ''[zooms away]'' :'''Martian Manhunter''': I wanted the green one... ===''The Doomsday Sanction'' [2.3]=== :'''Anchorman''': In the Caribbean, the San Baquero volcano went active during the night, sending a cloud of ash miles into the air. Geologists predict a devastating eruption sometime within the week. Sources report the Justice League has offered to help the Baqueran authorities with the evacuation. :'''Amanda Waller''': Yeah, have the car ready in 20 minutes and get all the division heads in for the meeting an hour early. :'''Anchorman''': Closer to home, the political world is still reeling from Lex Luthor's surprise announcement of his candidacy for President of the United States. Overnight polling among likely voters shows Luthor to be within striking distance of both major party candidates. :'''Batman''': Get dressed. It's time we talked. <hr width="50%"/> :''[As he intercepts her on her bath]'' :'''Batman''': Amanda Waller. Born in St. Louis, Rhodes scholar, PhD in Political Science. Served in Intelligence, under three administrations. Disappeared from public life, four years ago. :'''Amanda Waller''': ''[deadpan]'' Am I supposed to be impressed? Maybe I should rattle off ''[[W:Bruce Wayne|your]]'' resume now? Y'know, I ''could'' blow the whistle on you any time I want... :'''Batman''': Fine, why don't we step into the light ''together''? I'm sure the American people will be just as interested in ''your'' activities as mine - Secret weapons, illegal cloning experiments, bypassing Congress... :'''Amanda Waller''': What do you want!? :'''Batman''': I want to know what you think you're doing. :'''Amanda Waller''': Did Superman ever mention that to get [[W:Lex Luthor|Luthor's]] pardon, he had to tell us about your parallel universe adventure? ''All about it?'' We started to wonder what would happen if you took the same action that the Justice Lords did, so I had my people run some computer simulations. If the Justice League ever went rogue, ''what do you think would be the result''? :'''Batman''': That's moot. :'''Amanda Waller''': ''[Dryly]'' Humor me. In every single scenario, you beat us. Badly. But that was before [[W:Project Cadmus (DC Comics)|Cadmus.]] Now we have the technology to defend ourselves. :'''Batman''': ''[Threatening]'' Whatever you ''think'' you're doing, if you present a threat to the world, the Justice League will take you down... :'''Amanda Waller''': ''[Angry]'' If ''we'' present a threat!? You got a ''[[W:Watchtower (DC Comics)|spaceship]]'' floating over our heads with a laser weapon pointing ''down''! In another dimension, seven of you overthrew the government and assassinated the President! ''We're'' the good guys, protecting our country from a very real threat: ''you''. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash''': How long is this gonna take? I thought we had an island to evacuate. :'''Wonder Woman''': First team's already down there. We'll join them as soon as we're done. I want to hear what you learned. :'''Batman''': Project Cadmus is in the business of developing weapons, specifically to fight us. :'''Martian Manhunter''': They're worried we've grown too powerful, and they want to even the odds. :'''Batman''': Exactly. They were behind that business with the Ultimen and the Supergirl clone. :'''Dr. Emil Hamilton''': Galatea will be fully recovered soon and ready to return to active duty. :'''Amanda Waller''': And the doomsday weapon? :'''Dr. Emil Hamilton''': Considering the damage done to its frontal lobe, the cellular regeneration has been remarkable. Its EEG's are still flat. Nonetheless, we're monitoring it closely. :'''Amanda Waller''': Keep me updated. Tala, have you developed a plan to retrieve the armor? :'''Tala''': We've come up with some promising scenarios, but they're going to require certain additional resources. :'''Amanda Waller''': Fine. See me after. :'''Flash''': What are they so worried about? We'd never try to take over like that. :'''Batman''': The Justice Lords did in their dimension. What's to stop us? :'''Flash''': Me! Those guys went overboard because their Flash died. So as long as you all focus on keeping me alive, that'll never happen here. :'''Martian Manhunter''': Let's put a pin in that theory to explore another time. :'''Superman''': I've seen the federal budget. There's no funding for a Project Cadmus. Where's the money coming from? :'''Martian Manhunter''': We're all thinking the same thing. :'''Wonder Woman''': Luthor. :'''Batman''': The obvious suspect. He funded General Hardcastle's rogue operations. But if he's bankrolling Cadmus, he's doing an excellent job of covering his tracks. I've got The Question looking into it, and-- :'''Wonder Woman, Superman, Hawkgirl, Green Lantern, Flash, and Martian Manhunter''': Awwwww! :'''Flash''': Not that kook! :'''Batman''': I admit he's wound a bit too tightly, but if anyone can find a hidden link from Luthor to Cadmus, he's the man. In the meantime, I'll be following the trail from Waller's end. :'''Amanda Waller''': And Dr. Milo, splicing together human and animal DNA, how's that going? :'''Dr. Milo''': I know what you're thinking, but my experiments are actually quite close to paying off. Dr. Langston's research has proven very useful. I just need a little more time, and I promise I'll have something concrete to show you. :'''Amanda Waller''': Concrete? Like, say, the super-powered wart hog that tore up your lab last week? Professor Hamilton's already showed me the remains. :'''Dr. Milo''': That... That was just a prototype. :'''Amanda Waller''': Dr. Milo, I'm not known for my sense of humor, but I know a sick joke when I see one. In light of the continuing lack of results from your work, I'm pulling your funding. In accordance with the Technological Clearances Act, we'll set you up in a new non-vital capacity and confiscate your classified research. As you're well aware, any public discussion of Cadmus or its work will result in your immediate sanction. And rest assured, doctor, our people will be keeping... You can go now. :'''Dr. Milo''': I know you're faking. The lobotomized portion of your brain has completely regrown. Do you remember anything from before? That's all right. I'll show you. You've been used, and you deserve to know. You see, you were created from a sample of Superman's genetic material. But your DNA was altered to make you his superior. And then you were trained to hate him. You were conditioned, humiliated, repeatedly injured... but not by Superman. By Amanda Waller and Professor Emil Hamilton. When you became uncontrollable, they tried to dispose of you. They put you in a rocket and shot you into space. But you were too strong. Your struggles threw the rocket off course... and it came back to Earth. When you landed, you fought a different Superman, one from a parallel universe. He lobotomized you. :'''Doomsday''': Superman. :'''Dr. Milo''': Yes. Good. But he isn't your enemy. Your hatred of him was manufactured. At every turn, Waller and Hamilton abused and betrayed you just as they betrayed me. Don't we both deserve retribution? :'''Doomsday''': Yes. Release me. :'''Dr. Milo''': And you'll solve both our problems? :'''Doomsday''': Yes. :'''Dr. Milo''': What are you...? :'''Doomsday''': Your problem's solved. Now for Superman. :'''Security Guard''': No! :'''Amanda Waller''': What's going on? :'''Security Guard''': Ma'am, Doomsday's escaped. :'''Amanda Waller''': Milo. I'll have his hide for this. :'''Security Guard''': Doomsday beat you to it, ma'am. :'''Flash''': Our radios are barely working. I'm spending half my time running messages around. :'''Wonder Woman''': It's the electromagnetic interference from the volcano. Superman, how's it going in there? Can you read me any better than before? :'''Superman''': You're dropping in and out. It depends on where I am. I'm trying to ease the pressure on the volcano. If I can dig some tunnels off the main core, maybe I can stop the eruption before it starts. :'''Wonder Woman''': When will you be able to tell if it's working? :'''Superman''': Hard to say. I could just as easily set it off, so I have to go slow. Just get everyone clear as soon as you can. :'''Doomsday''': Superman. I'm here to kill you. Is this a bad time? I remember those eyes. Let's see you do that again. :'''Superman''': I know who you are, but I'm not the one who hurt you. :'''Doomsday''': Superman is Superman, and I will kill you. :'''Superman''': Why? :'''Doomsday''': It's what I am. I don't care why. :'''Wade Eiling''': GPS puts the stolen pod on San Baquero. Doomsday went right back after Superman. I love a well-conditioned soldier. :'''Amanda Waller''': And what will your soldier do after he's killed Superman? We can't leave him loose. For all we know, he'll try to kill everyone on the planet. He has to be stopped before he leaves that island. :'''Wade Eiling''': But how am I supposed to...? :'''Amanda Waller''': I don't care! Get it done! :'''Wade Eiling''': This is Eiling. Authorization: firewall. Target locked. :'''Henchmann''': Package is ready. Deliver the package. :'''Wonder Woman''': Superman, give me an update. :'''Superman''': Something's come up. Just keep doing what you're doing. :'''Wonder Woman''': Where are you? I'll come help. :'''Superman''': No. Stay with the evacuation. This isn't important. Getting those people to safety is. :'''Wonder Woman''': Move it out. :'''Batman''': Another transport just landed on the mainland. They're over half done. :'''Martian Manhunter''': I don't believe it. It's a nuclear missile headed straight for San Baquero. :'''Batman''': And from the spectrograph, its warhead's lined with kryptonite. Can we hit it from up here? :'''Martian Manhunter''': No. It's moving too fast. But who fired it? :'''Amanda Waller''': Yes, Mr. President? :'''Batman''': Call off the missile. :'''Amanda Waller''': How did you get this number...? :'''Batman''': The missile headed for San Baquero. If anyone dies on that island today, I'm coming for you. :'''Amanda Waller''': You do what you have to, and so will I. Eiling! :'''Batman''': She didn't know. :'''Martian Manhunter''': Captain Atom's on his way from California. :'''Batman''': His top speed's under Mach 2. He'll never get there in time. :'''Vibe''': Oh...! :'''Booster Gold''': Hey! :'''Batman''': Clear the hangar! Now! :'''Watchtower computer''': Initiating emergency drop in three, two, one. :'''Martian Manhunter''': You're going too fast. :'''Batman''': If I let the Earth's gravity accelerate me, I should reach intercept in two minutes. :'''Martian Manhunter''': If you don't burn up on entry. :'''Amanda Waller''': What were you thinking? You're gonna kill Superman and everyone else on the island! :'''Wade Eiling''': We have to sanction Doomsday. We were gonna get to Superman somewhere down the line, and we've been trying to stop drug traffic from San Baquero for years. The way I see it: three birds, one stone. :'''Amanda Waller''': Call it off. :'''Wade Eiling''': Anti-abort safeties have already engaged. I couldn't stop it now if I wanted to. :'''Martian Manhunter''': Wonder Woman, can you hear me? There's a missile with a kryptonite warhead heading for your position. :'''Wonder Woman''': Say again. :'''Martian Manhunter''': Repeat, there's a kryptonite missile heading your way. Can you read me? :'''Wonder Woman''': Flash, get everyone as far away as you can. I'm going back for Superman. :'''Flash''': But... :'''Wonder Woman''': Do it now! :'''Batman''': The missile's armed with magnetic repulsers. :'''Martian Manhunter''': The only way past that is with the javelin itself. You could give the hull an opposing charge. :'''Batman''': Understood. :'''Martian Manhunter''': Batman? Batman, come in. :''[Superman attempts to lobotomize Doomsday with heat vision]'': :'''Doomsday''': Ah, ah, ah. Can't be beat me the same way twice! :'''Superman''': Then I guess I'll need a bigger fire! :''[Superman tosses Doomsday into the volcano.]'' :'''Superman''': Did Cadmus create you? J'onn? :'''Martian Manhunter''': I can't read his mind. His brain's been altered to resist me. :'''Superman''': You don't owe anything to them. They manipulated you and then tried to kill you. :'''Doomsday''': So I keep hearing. :'''Superman''': From who? :'''Doomsday''': All you need to know is that I will get free, and I will kill you. :'''Superman''': If that's your final word. I only use this as a last resort. It's gonna send you to another dimension. You won't be hurt, but you also won't hurt anyone else again. :'''Doomsday''': ''[before being sent to the Phantom Zone, encased in molten rock]'' You'll wish you'd killed me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': What's to stop us? :'''Flash''': Me! Those guys went overboard because their Flash died. So as long as you all focus on keeping me alive, that'll never happen here. :''[Martian Manhunter, Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, and Hawkgirl stare at him.]'' :'''Martian Manhunter''': Let's put a pin in that theory to explore another time. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': I've got the Question looking into it and- :'''Flash''': Not that kook! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amanda Waller''': Doctor Milo, I'm not known for my sense of humor, but I know a sick joke when I see one. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dr. Milo''': ''[Seeing Doomsday approach him]'' What are you...? :'''Doomsday''': Your problem solved. :''[Doomsday kills Milo while he screams]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amanda Waller''': [[W:Doctor Achilles Milo|Milo]]! I'll have his hide for this. :'''Security Guard''': [[W:Doomsday (comics)|Doomsday]] beat you to it, ma'am. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Doomsday''': Superman. I'm here to kill you. Is this a bad time? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': I know who you are. But I'm not the one who hurt you. :'''Doomsday''': Superman is Superman. And I will kill you. :'''Superman''': Why? :'''Doomsday''': It's what I am; I don't care why. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Superman and Wonder Woman step into the infirmary to visit Batman, recovering after stopping the San Baquero missile]'' :'''Wonder Woman''': ''[Joking]'' You'll do anything to avoid monitor duty... :'''Batman''': Sent him ''[Doomsday]'' off to the [[W: Phantom Zone (DC Comics)|Phantom Zone,]] didn't you? :'''Superman''': He left us no choice. :'''Batman''': Spoken like a true Justice Lord... :'''Superman''': ''[Offended]'' What!? Come on! :'''Batman''': Passing judgment like gods... With our super-powered army and our orbiting death ray... Cadmus is right to be scared - ''the human race wouldn't stand a chance...'' :'''Superman''': We'd never go there! It isn't in our nature and nothing can change that! :'''Batman''': ''Nothing?'' What if Luthor does become President, like he did in their world? ''What would stop you from doing what that Superman did!?'' :'''Superman''': There's always that Kryptonite you carry around... :'''Batman''': You don't get to joke! Not today! ''[Points at him]'' I just took a bullet for you! :'''Superman''': I'm sorry, Bruce. You're right. But you don't have to worry about the Justice League. Trust me. You know me. :'''Batman''': Yeah, I do. :'''Superman''': Get some rest. ===''Task Force X'' [2.4]=== :'''[[w:Deadshot|Deadshot]]''': ''[as his handcuffs are unlocked]'' What if I don't want to go with him? :'''[[w:Rick Flagg|Colonel Rick Flagg]]''': Then you can go and take your [[w:Electric_chair|seat]], tough guy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Floyd Lawton''': So what do I call you? :'''Colonel Rick Flagg''': The name' s Flagg. Colonel Flagg. :'''Floyd Lawton''': Colonel... Flagg? :'''Floyd Lawton''': You're kidding, right? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Deadshot''': What do you want, exactly? :'''Rick Flagg''': You're gonna do something patriotic, convict. :'''Deadshot''': Groovy. Who do I kill? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Deadshot''': An expert with nothing to lose... this must be some nasty business. :'''Rick Flagg''': A little B-and-E, a little grand larceny. No big deal. :'''Deadshot''': Right. What's the target? ''[Flagg hands him a dossier]'' :'''Colonel Rick Flagg''': Justice League headquarters. :'''Deadshot''': Always did want to die for my country. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Captain Boomerang|Captain Boomerang]]''': Ah, so we'll make our way there, pretty as you please, then maybe a picnic lunch and the Justice League will give us a ride home. We may as well be storming Heaven's Gate itself. :'''[[w:Clock King|Clock King]]''': Unlike Heaven, this tower has a duty roster. One I've studied thoroughly. I've scheduled your visit for when they're at their weakest. :'''Captain Boomerang''': Define "weakest", please. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rick Flagg''': Okay, Plastique, you're setting the charge, and Superman walks in the room. :'''[[w:Plastique (comics)|Plastique]]''': You said he wouldn't be there! :'''Colonel Rick Flagg''': Last minute change in the duty roster, Superman's got the drop on you - what do you do? :'''Plastique''': Before or after I change my [[w:Diaper|Diaper]]? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Deadshot''': I thought he was gonna wet himself when you mentioned the Martian. He couldn't let us through fast enough. :'''Plastique''': That was nothing. I almost lost it when this bonehead set off the metal detector. :'''Captain Boomerang''': Seventy-five cents is seventy-five cents. I'm supposed to throw away money? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Task Force X readies their weapons in an elevator.]'' :'''Deadshot''': ''[addressing Colonel Flag]'' And you? Going in unarmed? :'''Captain Boomerang''': This one don't need no weapons. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Deadshot and Plastique board the elevator; Green Lantern catches the door with his ring]'' :'''Green Lantern''': Hey. :'''Deadshot''': How ya doin'. :''[Brief silence; Deadshot gives Plastique a sidelong glance]'' :'''Deadshot''': Uh, excuse me, Mr. Lantern? For six weeks now, my wife's been after me for Hawkgirl's autograph; you wouldn't know where she's at today, would you? :'''Green Lantern''': ''[annoyed]'' Haven't seen her. ''[gets off elevator]'' :'''Deadshot''': Okay, thanks anyway. :'''Plastique''': You are a ''very'' bad boy. :'''Deadshot''': Tell me you didn't love it. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Task Force X is attempting to escape the Watchtower; they burst onto the transport deck]'' :'''Martian Manhunter''': Ask yourselves - is being in here with me what you truly desire? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Deadshot''': C'est la vie. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amanda Waller''': You really think we can do something with this? :'''Tala''': An invulnerable juggernaut forged by the gods? Oh yes, Ms. Waller, most definitely. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Deadshot''': Most fun I've had since my last root canal. Well gang, guess I'll be saying- :''[Attacked by Colonel Flagg]'' :'''Colonel Rick Flagg''': Dream on, dirtbag. Five years. You sign up for missions like this for five years. If you survive, then you go free. You don't like it, there's a nice warm seat waiting for you back at Belle Reve Correctional. :'''Deadshot''': Tell me, Colonel - what's Waller got on you? :'''Colonel Rick Flagg''': Not a thing. Some of us don't have to be blackmailed into serving their country. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Lantern''': How did you know Vance was the inside man? :'''Martian Manunter''': He was the only one on the tower whose mind I couldn't read. Cadmus must have supplied him with a sophisticated method of masking his thoughts. :'''Green Lantern''': So, what do we do with him now? :'''Martian Manhunter''': I'd like to go in there and wipe clean the last two years of his memory. :'''Green Lantern''': Whoa. That's a little harsh, don't you think? :'''Martian Manhunter''': He's a liability. :'''Green Lantern''': I'm sure he's spilled everything he knows to Cadmus. :'''Martian Manhunter''': Don't you understand? We can't trust him. :'''Green Lantern''': J'onn... we can't trust anyone now. :'''Plastique''': Cool it, Martian. Back off, freak show, or the meat puppet eats it. :'''Colonel Rick Flagg''': Come here. Let's go, girl. :'''Plastique''': I've set this for 30 seconds. Plenty of time for you to disarm. Or not, as the case may be. :'''Captain Atom''': Not very ladylike behavior, ma'am. :'''Colonel Rick Flagg''': Unh! Plastique! :'''Plastique''': Ah! :'''Deadshoot''': C'est la vie. :'''Martian Manhunter''': Tend to her. They thought of everything. :'''Amanda Waller''': You really think we can do something with this? :'''Tala''': An invulnerable juggernaut forged by the gods? Oh, yes, Miss Waller, most definitely. :'''Amanda Waller''': I heard we lost Plastique. :'''Colonel Rick Flagg''': Yes, ma'am. You'll have my full report by 0800. :'''Amanda Waller''': Right. That'll be all. Rick, you're a good soldier. Your father would be proud. :'''Rick Flagg''': Ma'am. ===''The Balance'' [2.5]=== :'''Felix Faust''': That's never going to work. When did the Greeks ever use precipitate of bismuth in their potions? :'''Tala''': The Greeks didn't. But I'm making a counter-potion, remember? :'''[[w:Felix Faust|Felix Faust]]''': Tala, you've come a long way since my untimely demise. But the student, however gifted, still has much to learn from the teacher. :'''Tala''': And I'm supposed to take advice from you, when without my spell, your spirit would have been — poof! — lost on the winds. :'''Felix Faust''': Yes. So very kind of you to trap me in this mirror for all eternity. :'''Tala''': Beats the alternative. :'''Felix Faust''': True enough. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tala''': This is really bad, isn't it? :'''Felix Faust''': You have no idea. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash''': I had dinner with two women at the same time. 'Cause I'm a stud. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Etrigan''': ''[screaming, shifting between demon and human forms]'' The gates of Tartarus swing both ways! AARGH! The balance tilts towards chaos! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Zatanna''': ''[speaking backwards]'' Lleh fo enorht eht no stis tsuaf! Tsol si lla! ''["All is lost! Faust sits on the throne of Hell!"]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': Flash! :'''Hermes''': No, it's the original speedster. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hermes''': I've got something for you, here, it's pretty important. Zeus paid for overnight service. Here it is. ''[Hands her a scroll]'' :'''Wonder Woman''':''[reading]'' "For a good time, call Podenemus"...? :'''Hermes''': ''[Grabs the scroll]'' Wha-uh-, heh-heh... Wrong scroll. I think I got a shot, it's her cell number... Here we go. ''[reads]'' "By decree of Zeus, father of Olympus, it is so ordered: Diana of Themyscira will travel to Tartarus and set right that what has been disturbed." :'''Wonder Woman''': He's telling me to go to... :'''Hermes''': Basically. Felix Faust is on the loose again. :'''Wonder Woman''': Felix Faust is dead. :'''Hermes''': Yes, and pretty upset about it, too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hermes''': The Amazons did their best to stop him. They're good but they were out of their weight class. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hermes''': You must defeat Faust and restore Hades to the throne of Tartarus. :'''Wonder Woman''': So far as I'm concerned they deserve each other! Why should I care about this? :'''Hermes''': You mean, other than the direct-order-from-the-gods thing? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': ''[walking in on Wonder Woman taking her mace]'' We become pals while I wasn't looking? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Demons are attacking Shayera; one grabs her wing but suddenly backs away]'' :'''Shayera Hol''': ''[spreads her wings]'' That's right, I'm an angel! You can mess with me if you want to... ''[points upward]'' But I don't think you wanna mess with the boss! ''[Demons retreat]'' If we're lucky, they'll all be that dumb. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': Where's Faust? :'''[[w:Abnegazar|Abnegazar]]''': Let me think... oh, yeah! He's over there! No, wait! He's over there! No, there! :'''Shayera Hol''': One more answer, and it better be the right one. :'''Abnegazar''': Or what? You'll kill me? Gosh, I might end up suffering eternal torment as punishment for my sins! Oh, wait - I ALREADY AM! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Wonder Woman has used her lasso to compel a demon to reveal Felix Faust's location]'' :'''Shayera Hol''': How did you do that? :'''Wonder Woman''': Magic lasso. Who knew? :'''Shayera Hol''': If you don't want to tell me, fine. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Wonder Woman has a demon tied up with her lasso.]'' :'''Shayera Hol''': I've got one more question: is there anything else we should know? :'''Abnegazar''': Yeah. You really, really shouldn't go in there. Now, could you please take this rope off of me? I'm a demon! The truth hurts. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Faust is in Hades' library]'' :'''[[w:Felix Faust|Felix Faust]]''': Now I'm in heaven...! Figuratively speaking. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': We're revoking your library card. :'''Felix Faust''': Oh, you want to fight. Not in the mood. ''[Sends them away with a spell, then goes back to his book]'' Darn it, lost my place. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': You okay? :'''Shayera Hol''': Yeah. Didn't think I'd need a jacket where we were going. Aren't you cold in that outfit? :'''Wonder Woman''': Not really. :'''Shayera Hol''': Of course not. The princess doesn't get cold. The princess doesn't even sweat in the fire pits of Tartarus. :'''Wonder Woman''': I do too sweat. :'''Shayera Hol''': Please, you glow. I wouldn't be surprised if you never have to - :''[In the distance, Hades screams]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': Come on. We're putting you back on the throne. :'''Hades''': Or die trying? :'''Shayera Hol''': Not in the plan. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Wonder Woman attacks Faust with Shayera's mace.]'' :'''Wonder Woman''': I hit a lot harder than she does. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Wonder Woman helps Shayera to her feet.]'' :'''Shayera Hol''': You're all sweaty. :'''Wonder Woman''': Told you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hades''': ''[Surveying a burning library]'' Ah well, who has time to read these days? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': What about us? Are we good? :'''Shayera Hol''': Like oil and vinegar. We go together, but we don't mix. :'''Wonder Woman''': Works for me. ===''Double Date'' [2.6]=== :'''Huntress''': Steven Mandragora. Been a while. I've changed some since we met last. But you haven't changed. All these years you've been building your empire with thievery and murder. But it ends tonight. No. :'''Martian Manhunter''': Huntress! :'''Huntress''': John, I... :'''Martian Manhunter''': You were warned. You were told to stay away from Mandragora. You have violated my direct orders. You've crossed the line. :'''Huntress''': You've been watching me? :'''Martian Manhunter''': Given what occurred tonight, I'd say it was a wise precaution. :'''Huntress''': You know what Mandragora did. And I almost had him. He should have been there, but someone tipped him. You did it. :'''Martian Manhunter''': I had Mandragora moved, yes. For his own protection. And yours. :'''Huntress''': All right, J'onn, so I get some Justice League demerits. Fine. Just spare me the lecture. I can find him without your help. :'''Martian Manhunter''': You misunderstand. Tonight was a test, and you failed. Pack your things, Huntress. You're out. You'll need to turn in your identification card immediately. :'''Huntress''': Fine. I hope you choke on it. :'''Question''': Oh, Cadmus, Cadmus, wherefore art thou, Cadmus? I know there's a connection. Don't think I won't find it. :'''Huntress''': You're the League's data guy, the conspiracy buff, right? Wildcat says you're a nutjob. :'''Question''': Funny, he says the same thing about you. :'''Huntress''': He's right. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Huntress''': You must be the ugliest guy of all time, Question, hiding your face like that. :'''Question''': Go away. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Huntress''': Wow. I had no idea that the Girl Scouts were responsible for the crop circle phenomenon. :'''Question''': Few people do. Few even think to ask the question. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Huntress''': Do you know what "apophenia" is? :'''Question''': Apophenia, noun. The tendency to see connections where none exists. Did you come here just to make fun of my work? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Steven Mandragora''': Speaking of squealing, Black Canary, I notice you can't take your eyes off of me. One can hardly blame you. Perhaps after Agent Faraday helps absolve me of my alleged crimes, I could put you in a cage and have you sing for me. :'''Green Arrow''': Listen, you giant tub of...! :'''Agent Faraday''': Green Arrow, may I remind you that you're here strictly in a security capacity? :'''Steven Mandragora''': Yes, why don't you go and fetch me another four platters of oysters like a good little leprechaun? I'm sure your girlfriend and I will have much to discuss while you're gone. I like my oysters sweet, by the way. Sweet and juicy. :'''Black Canary''': Let him talk, Arrow. With all the enemies he's made, he never knows if he's eating his last meal. :''[Mandragora laughs heartily]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Huntress''': Oh, baby doll. And just for the record, I usually prefer my dates to have a face. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Black Canary''': Faraday's right, Arrow. Relax, nothing this guy can say is gonna affect me one way or the other. :'''Steven Mandragora''': Is that right? Well then, perhaps you won't mind explaining how a lovely young lady like you ends up with a nobody like him. Were all the real men in the Justice League already taken? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Green Arrow and Black Canary had been kicked out of Mandragora's house after she punched him]'' :'''Black Canary''': I hope you're proud of yourself. Now we have to do guard duty from outside. :'''Green Arrow''': Hope ''I'm'' proud of myself? ''You're'' the one that punched him! :'''Black Canary''': Yeah, but—OW! It was like punching a brick wall, there's no fat on that man. :''[Green Arrow tries to examine her hand, but she flinches and pulls away]'' :'''Green Arrow''': Will you let me look? ''[Examining Black Canary's hand]'' I think you'll live to punch suspects another day, pretty bird. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': Why are you doing this, Question? :'''Question''': You wouldn't believe me if I told you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': I strongly advise you to stay down. These impact arrows are non-lethal, but they hurt... a lot. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': Alright you two, stay here. Don't make me sic Black Canary on you - you've only seen her nice side so far. :''[Green Arrow leaves with Black Canary; Huntress punches Question's shoulder.]'' :'''Question''': Ow! What was that for? :'''[[w:Huntress (comics)|Huntress]]''': All that crazy mystery man mojo, and you couldn't even pick up a clue without being seen? :'''Question''': The key wasn't the clue. The key was mine. Now, this list of container ship arrivals I palmed when they were yelling at you: ''that's'' the clue. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Black Canary''': I don't get it. Why aren't we on our way to the train station? :'''Green Arrow''': Shh. ''[Huntress and Question run out of the house]'' Because I know when I'm being conned. :'''Black Canary''': You're cute when you're an insufferable smarty-pants. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Huntress''': You're even smarter than they say. :'''Question''': Smart enough to realize you don't know jack about Cadmus. :'''Huntress''': ...I needed your help. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Franco Bertinelli''': Get behind me, Helena. It'll be all right... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Question''': But you saw it all, Helena. Steven Mandragora killed your parents while you watched helplessly. Isn't that what happened? :'''Huntress''': ''[wipes away a tear]'' If you knew all that, then you probably know what I'm gonna do to Mandragora when I catch him. So why help me? :'''Question''': That... is the question. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Question''': Somebody's following us. :'''Huntress''': Lose them! :'''Question''': Like airline luggage. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': You're not supposed to drive when you're angry! :'''Black Canary''': They're heading towards the waterfront. Hang on! :'''Green Arrow''': It's so funny you think you have to tell me that! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Black Canary''': ''[through the com-link]'' Stop the car, Question. Pull over! :'''Question''': Stop following us, Canary. :'''Huntress''': Is that her? Give me that! ''[plucks com-link from Question's ear]'' :'''Question''': Hey! :'''Huntress''': ''[speaks through the com-link]'' You want a piece of me, blondie? Bring it! ''[steps on the accelerator]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Question jumps his car over a ramp and onto the train tracks]'' :'''Green Arrow''': This is so unnecessary... :''[Canary jumps her bike to follow them]'' :'''Green Arrow''': Are we dead yet? :'''Black Canary''': No. :'''Green Arrow''': ARE WE DEAD YET? :'''Black Canary''': Look, if we die, I promise I'll let you know. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Question is driving through a railroad tunnel]'' :'''Huntress''': Train...! :'''Question''': I see it. :'''Huntress''': ''TRAIN!'' :'''Question''': I ''see'' it! <hr width="50%"/> :''[J'onn had just teleported Black Canary and Green Arrow out of the train's path and into the sea, leaving behind Canary's motorcycle]'' :'''Black Canary''': I can't believe you! ''[Hits Green Arrow]'' I rebuilt that bike by hand! :'''Green Arrow''': You're absolutely right. I'm sorry I saved our lives. :'''Black Canary''': Rrrrgh! ''[Swims away]'' :'''Green Arrow''': And J'onn thinks Huntress is the unstable one. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Steven Mandragora''': Get behind me, Edgar. It will be all right... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Huntress''': You knew all along that kid was gonna be on that freighter. :'''Question''': I do my homework. :'''Huntress''': Then why go to all the the trouble to help? Why risk your life for me? :'''Question''': ''[embarrassed]'' Because I... like you. :''[Huntress gives Question a long kiss, then pulls him away by his collar]'' :'''Question''': Where are we going? :'''Huntress''': Don't ask so many questions. :'''Black Canary''': ''[to Green Arrow]'' I'm sorry, but... ew. ===''Clash'' [2.7]=== :'''Batman''': J'onn! We're in trouble! :'''Martian Manhunter''': Are you asking for help? :'''Batman''': Yes! :'''Martian Manhunter''': You never ask for help. :'''Batman''': Just get us some reinforcements! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman and Superman are conversing while battling supervillains.]''. :'''Batman''': You were a little hard on the Boy Scout, don't you think? :'''Superman''': I thought ''I'' was the Boy Scout? :'''Batman''': I did too, 'til I met [[w:Captain Marvel (DC Comics)|Captain Marvel]]. ''[at this point, the villains all lie defeated around them]'' What did these guys want, anyway? :'''Superman''': To take over the world. Or rob banks, I forget. But back to Captain Marvel: why are you... why is ''everyone'' defending him? :'''Batman''': We like him. He's... sunny. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': When you joined this team, you became something more than just a hero. :'''Captain Marvel''': I know that, sir, but... :'''Superman''': You became a symbol. A symbol that represents all of us. :'''Captain Marvel''': Yes, sir. :'''Superman''': We don't play favorites, we don't sell deodorant on television, and we don't get involved in politics. :'''Captain Marvel''': Yes, sir. :'''Superman''': And we certainly don't endorse supervillains for the presidency! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': The lock was nano-picked. LexCorp technology. :'''Superman''': Then Luthor... :'''Batman''': Which anyone could have gotten their hands on. Or, for that matter, planted here to incriminate Luthor. :'''Superman''': You know it was him. :'''Batman''': I'm not entirely convinced: This is pretty sloppy for Lex. :'''Superman''': He's the most arrogant human being on the planet. He wants us to know. :'''Batman''': Maybe. :'''Superman''': Maybe? :'''Batman''': I'll go to the Watchtower, see if the Atom can find something I missed. :'''Superman''': Since when do you miss anything? :'''Batman''': Since when do you jump to conclusions without evidence? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': Look, Captain, I wanna... :'''Captain Marvel''': No more lectures. I called this meeting, and I'm gonna have my say. :'''Superman''': But... :'''Captain Marvel''': My whole life, I've looked up to the League. You were my heroes. Every one of you. And you... you were more than a hero. I idolized you. I wanted to be you. Whenever I was out there facing down the bad guys, I'd think, "What would Superman do?" Now I know. I believe in fair play. I believe in taking people at their word and giving them the benefit of the doubt. Back home, I've come up against my share of pretty nasty bad guys, but I never had to act the way they did to win a fight. I always found another way. I... I guess I'm saying I-I like being a hero, a symbol, and that's why I'm... quitting the Justice League. You don't act like heroes any more. ''[leaves]'' :'''Superman''': He's right. :'''Batman''': They set you up, Clark. :'''Superman''': Does it really make a difference? After all, I- ''They''? :'''Batman''': They. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex Luthor''': The plan worked better than I had hoped. All I wanted was for Superman to destroy the energy source. But battling Captain Marvel? Demolishing Lexor City while those media morons filmed every horrific moment? It was more than I ever could have hoped for! Everything's going according to plan... and we're just getting started. ''[raises his glass for a toast with Amanda Waller]'' ===''Hunter's Moon'' [2.8]=== :'''Green Lantern''': ''[after J'onn assigns Vixen and Shayera to a mission]'' Why did you do that? :'''Martian Manhunter''': Vixen hasn't spent much time in space. Good experience for her. :'''Green Lantern''': You know what I mean. Sending my girlfriend and my ex on the same mission? :'''Martian Manhunter''': Difficult as it may be for you to believe, I don't take your love life into consideration when I make command decisions. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': Can you even see what you're shooting at? :'''[[w:Vigilante (comics)|Vigilante]]''': Nope - just keepin' 'em honest. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Vixen''': Men have fragile egos. To get what you want, you must know how to talk to them. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Parah Dul''': ''[to Shayera]'' Did you really think you could get away with betraying the entire Thanagarian empire? :'''Vigilante''': Hold up. I thought we were the ones she betrayed. :'''[[w:Vixen (comics)|Vixen]]''': Sounds like she betrayed everybody, cowboy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Paran Dul''': All we want is Shayera Hol. If you hand her over, the rest of you can go free. If you choose to fight with her, you'll most assuredly die with her. :'''Vigilante''': Let me think on that! ''[fires his gun at her]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': Maybe I should let them take me. :'''Vigilante''': Like horse hockey...! Pardon my French. :'''Vixen''': We're Justice League. We don't turn our backs on our teammates. :'''Vigilante''': ''[to Shayera]'' Still having a little trouble with that notion, huh? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Vigilante''': Hey, Vix, ain't this supposed to be your territory? Use some of your animal tricks to give us a leg up. :'''Vixen''': What makes you think I know anything about the jungle? I live in a loft in [[w:Chelsea, Manhattan|Chelsea]]. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': I'm not going to argue with you. I'm in charge, you have to- :'''Vigilante''': What, trust you? Seems to me that's been tried. :'''Vixen''': Vig, we can't do this now - she's mission leader. :'''Vigilante''': She's a Thanagarian! I don't know what you did during the invasion- :'''Vixen''': I fought them. :'''Vigilante''': So did I, for all the good it done me! Filthy hawks caught me, locked me up in a tiny cell, humiliated me - your people, ''Hawkgirl''. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kragger''': I'm supposed to believe you would give me your teammate? I'm brain-damaged, not stupid. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Vigilante is flying a Thanagarian ship]'' :'''Vigilante:''' Darn-son-ding-busted-horse-thievin'-alien-control-panel-which-can't-nobody-work-proper! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Paran Dul and Vixen are fighting in the back of the ship]'' :'''Vigilante''': Ya folks mind?! Student driver up here! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Vixen tosses Paran Dul off the ship]'' :'''Vigilante''': You okay? :'''Vixen''': I will be if you let me drive. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Lantern''': ''[as Vixen and Shayera approach him, he holds out his arms]'' I was worried about you! ''[both girls stalk past him]'' :'''Vixen''': ''[to Shayera]'' When do you want to do this? :'''Shayera Hol''': No time like the present. :'''Green Lantern''': Mari? Shayera? Oh, man. This is gonna be ugly. :''[cut to the girls sitting at a table, laughing]'' :''' Shayera Hol''': Not to mention his taste in movies! :'''Vixen''': I know! OLD YELLER? What's that about? ''[they both laugh harder]'' :'''Vixen''': And he's such a MARINE! You should see his underwear drawer. He folds his socks! ''[both laugh again]'' :'''Shayera Hol''': I have seen his underwear drawer. ''[both stop laughing]'' :'''Vixen''': He still has feelings for you, you know. :'''Shayera Hol''': I know. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Vixen''': Funny thing about me. Whenever I start a book or a movie, no matter how bad it is, I just can't stop until I get to the end. So even though John and I have only been together for a little while... well, I just like to see things through. :'''Shayera Hol''': En garde! ''[they smile and raise their glasses for a toast]'' ===''Question Authority'' [2.9]=== :'''Huntress''': ''[beating up Cadmus security guards]'' You really know how to show a girl a good time, Q. When are we going out on a real date? :'''Question''': Shh! I'm trying to concentrate. :'''Huntress''': I'm not even in the Justice League anymore, you're lucky to have me along. :'''Question''': Hardly. You're drawn to my eccentric charm. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Huntress''': You get what you came for? :'''Question''': I believe so. :'''Huntress''': ''[suggestively]'' Which leaves the rest of our evening tantalizingly free... :'''Question''': There are three terabytes of data here, I'll be busy for days- :''[An annoyed Huntress snatches the hard drive and glares at him.]'' :'''Question''': Um... dinner and a movie? :'''Huntress''': It's a start. ''[tucks the drive in her belt]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Question''': It's all connected. Not alternate reality. Time loop. Luthor becomes president, Flash is killed, Superman kills Luthor in retaliation, superhumans arms race, Armageddon, end of the world, inevitable. Is the future immutable? Can destiny be changed? Will they allow it? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': Something I can help you with? :'''Question''': I hope so. But I assume you don't want to discuss your White House weenie-roast in front of a crowd... :'''Superman''': ''[to others]'' I'll be back in a few minutes. ''[he leads Question to the empty conference room]'' :'''Question''': Always wondered what was in here. Private conference room. Original members only, yes? A place where you're free to discuss your secrets and lies... :'''Superman''': You said something about me in the White House. :'''Question''': Not you exactly. Another version of you, hmm? :'''Superman''': Stop dancing around it. Tell me what you know. :'''Question''': I know what you ''told'' everyone. The Justice Lords, a parallel universe version of the Justice League, came to our world to rid it of crime, just as they did on their own world. With Lex Luthor's help, our Justice League managed to rout them before they could impose their totalitarian will on our populace. I also know what you ''didn't'' tell ''anyone'', outside of the original seven members of the Justice League. On that other Earth, so very much like our own, a Superman, so very much like you, ''killed the President.'' :'''Superman''': ''[tenses up, accidentally damaging a chair he was leaning on]'' Question, no one can know about this. :'''Question''': Or what? You'll incinerate me too? :'''Superman''': I'd never do anything like that. :'''Question''': Wouldn't you? Didn't you recently try to lobotomize Doomsday with your heat vision, just as the Justice Lord did? :'''Superman''': That's different! :'''Question''': ''It's the same.'' A heavily-armed Watchtower with an army of proactive heroes, Luthor running for President - if it's not ''quite'' the same, it soon will be! Have you seen Amanda Waller's computer simulations? :'''Superman''': Batman told me about them. :'''Question''': Did he tell you all the models predict that a war between the Justice League and the government will devastate the planet?! :'''Superman''': We would never fight the government! :'''Question''': Not even if Luthor was the government?! ''[beginning to ramble in fear]'' Predestined... Flash will die, you will kill Luthor, Armageddon... inevitable... :'''Superman''': Question, I'm... ''[puts a hand on his shoulder; the Question recoils with a gasp]'' I'm worried about you. You're mixed up. This world isn't like the other one. We're not the Justice Lords. Those things you're afraid of will never happen here. I won't let them. :''[Question is silent for a moment, then walks out]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Question''': Have you seen the latest polls? It's beginning to look like you're going to be our next President. Just like in that other world. :'''Lex Luthor''': ''[casually]'' I wouldn't bet against me. :'''Question''': No, it wouldn't be prudent. I want you to understand something, Luthor. Although my distaste for you as a human being is ''[[w:Brobdingnag|brobdingnagian]]'', what I'm about to do isn't personal. :'''Lex Luthor''': What are you babbling about? :'''Question''': Everything that exists has a specific nature. Each entity exists as something in particular and has characteristics that are part of what it is. [[w:Law of Identity|A is A]], and no matter what reality he calls home, Luthor is Luthor. If I'm to save the world, your existence must come to an end before you take office. ''[removes his tie]'' :'''Luthor''': ''[unafraid]'' You're going to kill me so that Superman can't. :'''Question''': I'm a well-known crackpot. The Justice League's reputation will survive my actions, and Superman's legacy will remain intact. ''[holds up his tie, preparing to choke Luthor]'' :'''Luthor''': Interesting plan. Unfortunately for you, it's not really an option. :''[Question attempts to attack Luthor, but he uppercuts him straight to the waterwall with tremendous force and uses his newfound super-strength to beat him up]'' :'''Luthor''': President? Foolish faceless man. My campaign is a farce - a small part of a much grander scheme. President? Do you know how much power I'd have to ''give up'' to be President? That's right, conspiracy buff. I spent $75 million on a fake presidential campaign. All just to tick Superman off. ''[Luthor then slams Question, breaking his desk at the same time, and peers closer to him]'' Now. About those files you stole from me... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': A lot of things are starting to make sense now, Professor Hamilton. When did Cadmus recruit you? :'''[[w:Professor Hamilton|Professor Emil Hamilton]]''': Recruit me? I went to them. :'''Superman''': How can you work for these people? Do you know what they are? :'''Professor Emil Hamilton''': Power brokers, politicians, criminals, and black ops mercenaries with one thing in common besides: they're humanity's last hope against your kind. :'''Superman''': What are you talking about? Humanity doesn't need protection from us. :'''Professor Emil Hamilton''': I used to believe that. I thought you were a guardian angel, come to answer our prayers. But [[w:Lucifer|Lucifer]] was an angel too, wasn't he? :'''Superman''': Professor- :'''Professor Emil Hamilton''': You forget: I've been on the receiving end of your wrath, when you brought Supergirl to S.T.A.R. Labs for medical treatment. I know what you're capable of. :'''Superman''': ''That's'' what this is about? One little scare and you betray us?! ''You'' stole Kara's DNA! Violated her trust! ''My'' trust! :'''Professor Emil Hamilton''': The chicken, or the egg, Superman? <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Doctor Moon|Dr. Moon]]''': This doesn't have to continue. I can stop you from seeing the visions at any time. You stole files from our computer. Just tell me what you've learned. :'''Question''': ''[babbling about various conspiracy theories]'' Topically-applied fluoride doesn't prevent tooth decay. It ''does'' render teeth detectable by spy satellite! :'''Dr. Moon''': Tell me what you know. :'''Question''': The plastic tips at the ends of shoelaces are called [[w:aglet|aglets]]. Their true purpose is ''sinister!'' :'''Dr. Moon''': ''[getting annoyed]'' Tell me what you know. :'''Question''': There ''was'' a [[w:single bullet theory|magic bullet]]! It was forged by [[w:Illuminati|Illuminati]] mystics to prevent us from learning the truth! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Superman and Huntress smashes into Dr. Moon's lab; Dr. Moon pulls a gun]'' :'''Superman''': Don't be stupid - drop it. :''[Dr. Moon drops the gun]'' :'''Huntress''': Sorry - not good enough. ''[knocks Dr. Moon to the floor and pulls her crossbow on him]'' :'''Superman''': Huntress! :'''Huntress''': ''[backs off]'' Yeah. Okay. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Huntress''': Lean on me. We're getting out of here. :'''Question''': ''[weak, babbling]'' Secret messages... encoded in amino acid chains in carb-free breakfast bars... :'''Huntress''': Come on, baby doll. It's all right. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': Good to see you, Captain. Cover our flank. :'''Captain Atom''': I'm afraid you misunderstand. I'm speaking as an officer of the United States Air Force. :'''Huntress''': Bad time to grow a sense of humor, Cap. :'''Captain Atom''': No joke, ma'am. I'm currently assigned to General Eiling's special projects unit. My orders are to prevent you from taking Question out of this facility. So how's this gonna go down? ===''Flashpoint'' [2.10]=== :''[Captain Atom is trying to stop Superman and Huntress from rescuing Question]'' :'''Superman''': This is ridiculous. If you're not gonna help us, get out of our way! :'''Captain Atom''': Not an option, Superman. I've got my orders, legal and proper. :'''Huntress''': Dude, ''Superman'' just told you to step aside. :'''Captain Atom''': I heard him, ma'am. Not gonna happen. ''[Superman makes to move past him, but he forms red energy with his fists and punches Superman across the room with ease]'' I control radiation, Superman. That includes ''red sun'' radiation. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Huntress and Question are trying to escape, she tries opening a door]'' :'''Huntress''': Locked. Sure, why not? <hr width="50%"/> :''[A Cadmus medic is about to see to Captain Atom, Superman intervenes]'' :'''Superman''': Don't you ''touch'' him! He's Justice League. ''[Carries Captain Atom out]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Huntress removes the Question's mask, revealing his true - though battered and bruised - face]'' :'''Question''': You were right. I am the ugliest guy of all time. :'''Huntress''': Not in my eyes. ''[kisses him]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': What happened, Question? How did Cadmus get ahold of you? :'''Question''': I went to kill Luthor so that you wouldn't be able to. :'''Superman''': That's not how we do things. :'''Question''': How ''do'' we do things, Superman? Your counterpart killed Luthor, ''this'' Luthor is scheming to enrage you- :'''Superman''': Doing a pretty good job of it. :'''Question''': Ruining your reputation, turning your friends and comrades against you, creating a superpowered arms race - but you ''cannot succumb.'' :'''Superman''': I can shut down Cadmus ''without'' killing Luthor. :'''Question''': Carry on, then. If you're wrong, it's not like it's the end of the world... right? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Discussing Cadmus]'' :'''Superman''': Give me one good reason not to go down there and take them out. :'''Martian Manhunter''': If you didn't know the answer, you wouldn't have bothered to ask. :'''Superman''': Don't handle me, J'onn! I'm serious! :'''Martian Manhunter''': We don't have hard evidence that they've committed any crimes. :'''Superman''': Oh, come on! You know they're dirty! :'''Green Arrow''': Then maybe we should put more energy into proving it, and less into acting like a bunch of hyperthyroid stormtroopers. :'''Superman''': I don't remember asking you for your opinion! :'''Green Arrow''': No? How about when you guys hijacked me up here against my will and made me join this team? Batman said I was supposed to keep you guys honest. :'''Superman''': ''Do I look like Batman to you?'' :'''Flash''': Actually, you kind of do. Especially when you're all scowly like that. :'''Superman''': We can't let Cadmus get away with it! :'''Martian Manhunter''': No one's saying we should, but we have to keep a cool head. :'''Supergirl''': Do you know what they did to me?! :'''Green Arrow''': Look, kid. Hamilton's a piece of garbage, and Luthor is worse, but this isn't the way to stop them. :'''Martian Manhunter''': We must also consider the possibility that Cadmus is right to be afraid of us... :'''Supergirl''': ''[outraged]'' ''WHAT?!'' :'''Martian Manhunter''': ...''and'' there is strong evidence of Cadmus having legitimate connections to the government. :'''Superman''': Maybe, to some rogue black ops group! The real government wouldn't get involved in anything like this! :'''Green Arrow''': Hey, I'm the only guy in the room who doesn't have superpowers, and let me tell you: you guys ''scare'' me. What if you ''do'' decide to go marching down there, taking care of whoever you think is guilty? Who could stop you? ''Me?'' :'''Supergirl''': So you ''want'' the government to have a bunch of superhuman weapons just to keep ''us'' in check?! :'''Green Arrow''': No!... I don't know... Yeah! ''[regaining composure]'' Look, I'm an old [[w:left-wing politics|lefty]]. The government must do for people what people can't do for themselves. The people sure can't protect themselves from the likes of us. :'''Superman:''' We're not talking about the government. We're talking about a shadow cabinet that's taken it upon themselves to eliminate us! They came after us, we have to hit them back ''hard''. :'''Flash''': Grammy Flash always used to say the trouble with "an eye for an eye"... is that everybody ends up blind. ===''Panic in the Sky'' [2.11]=== :'''[[w: Professor Hamilton|Professor Emil Hamilton]]''': Hold still, Galatea! You're invulnerable. This can't possibly be hurting you. :'''[[w: Galatea (Justice League Unlimited)|Galatea]]''': Boredom is my [[w: Kryptonite|kryptonite]]... Okay, ''kryptonite'' is my kryptonite, but you know what I mean. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Galatea is about to depart on her mission and stops at the door.]'' :'''Professor Emil Hamilton''': What? :'''Galatea''': Nothing. ''[Galatea goes back to Hamilton and hugs him]'' Goodbye, Daddy. :''[Hamilton stands in silent shock as Galatea leaves]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': What have we done? :'''Martian Manhunter''': We haven't done anything. An outside force took control of the binary fusion generator. Whoever's behind that is responsible for the destruction of Cadmus. Not us. :'''Superman''': Tell that to all those people in New Mexico. They're terrified of us. So's the government. :'''Green Lantern''': We can't let that stop us from doing our job. We aren't here to be liked. We're here to make the world a safer place. :'''Superman''': How're we doing so far today? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': You want me to ''what''?! :'''Wonder Woman''': Turn yourself over into U.S. custody, along with the rest of us. :'''Flash''': Yeah, that makes sense, okay. :'''Superman''': Meet us at the coordinates I’m sending first. We should all go over together. :'''Batman''': This is the ''single'' dumbest plan I’ve ever heard. If you’re feeling guilty, clear your own name. Don’t stand on the sidelines waiting for somebody else to do it. :'''Wonder Woman''': We’ve already voted. Five in favor. :'''Flash''': Six. :'''Wonder Woman''': You have to come with us, Bruce. :'''Batman''': I don’t ''have'' to do anything. I’m a part-timer, remember? ''[Hangs up]'' :'''Wonder Woman''': Actually, he took it a lot better than I’d expected. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': As promised, we're surrendering ourselves to your authority. :'''Officer''': ''[to the founding members of the League]'' Where's Batman? :'''Flash''': Running late. [[w: Jingle_Bells#Parodies_and_homages|The Batmobile, it lost a wheel. The Joker got away.]] ''[a soldier glares at him]'' That's what I heard. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Supergirl''': I'm worried about them, Steel. I'm worried about my cousin. :'''Steel''': Don't be. Everybody in the League is good at their job, but those seven? They're the best ''ever''. Not because they're the most powerful - they aren't. Not all of them. And it's not just because they were the first. It's because they're special. They've proven it time and again. They make the hard choices, they set the example. They do what's right, not what's easiest. And they always come out on top. They're gonna be okay, Kara. We all are. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Someone took over our fusion cannon by remote control. There are maybe three people on Earth smart enough to pull that off. Two of them were already on the Watchtower. And that leaves... :'''Amanda Waller''': Luthor. That's where you're trying to lead me, right? :'''Batman''': You're too smart to trust him. :'''Amanda Waller''': Who says I do? He provides off-the-books funding for Cadmus. As far as I'm concerned, that's all he's good for. :'''Batman''': Then you must know he's got his own agenda. :'''Amanda Waller''': He wants to be President. That's agenda enough for anybody. :'''Batman''': Almost anybody. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Supergirl''': You know what? No matter how bad you beat me, I'm real, not a clone. :'''Galatea''': Shut up. :'''Supergirl''': Deep down, you know the truth. You're not a ''person''. You're just a ''weapon'', grown out of one of Hamilton's petri dishes. :'''Galatea''': SHUT UP! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amanda Waller''': ''[About Luthor]'' He played me. I knew he was a snake and I ''still'' let him bite me. <hr width="50%"/> :''[As Luthor finishes his intended android body]'' :'''Lex Luthor''': Now you're perfect! A perfect, super-powerful, immortal body. A suitable place for me to spend the rest of eternity. Ironic - years of plotting, hundreds of millions spent on Cadmus R&D projects, and none of it bore fruit. No, it's a lowly employee of LexCorp, Doctor Ivo, creator of Amazo, who we have to thank for my impending godhood. :'''Batman''': That was the last piece I needed. :''[Luthor turns to see Batman behind him]'' :'''Lex Luthor''': Got it all figured out, have you? :'''Batman''': When you and Atom worked together to stop the first Amazo, he showed you the blueprints. And I suspect you have a photographic memory. :'''Lex Luthor''': I'm too modest to boast. :'''Batman''': The real purpose of Cadmus was to give ''you'' superpowers. :'''Lex Luthor''': And to ruin Superman's reputation. Imagine how sweet it will be when ''I'' save the world from the menace of the Justice League! Now when I kill Superman, they'll build statues in my honor! :'''Batman''': Maybe next time. :''[He throws a Batarang at the Amazo body, but to his shock, Luthor catches it and it explodes in his hand without harming him]'' :'''Lex Luthor''': That... was uncalled for. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amanda Waller''': Hey, Lex! That android is Cadmus property. You're going to have to find somewhere else to keep your brain! ''[destroys the Amazo body]'' A nano-disassembler beam. Your design, I believe. :'''Lex Luthor''': Arrogant ''COW!'' It'll take weeks to build myself another android body! :'''Amanda Waller''': You ain't got weeks, baldy. You're under arrest for trying to use the Justice League's space-gun to murder everyone at Cadmus. :''[Luthor charges at Waller, smacking the weapon aside and throwing her to the floor]'' :'''Lex Luthor''': Did you really think you could take me down all by yourself? :'''Amanda Waller''': Actually, yeah. But on the off chance I might've been wrong... :''[The founding Leaguers have entered through the window]'' :'''Flash''': TADA! :'''Superman''': It's over, Lex. :'''Lex Luthor''': Not until I- :''[Lex suddenly screams in agony; metal tendrils and components burst out of him, and a familiar Kryptonian symbol - along with a skull-like face - appears]'' :'''[[w:Brainiac (comics)|Brainiac]]''': I hoped to remain hidden, until I could install myself into the android. But you forced my hand. :'''Superman''': Brainiac! ===''Divided We Fall'' [2.12]=== :''[After Brainiac reveals himself from within Lex Luthor]'' :'''Flash''': Ta-da. :'''Superman''': It's over, Lex. :'''Lex Luthor''': Not until I-- I'd hoped to remain hidden-- :'''Barinthor''': Until I could install myself into the android. :'''Brainiac''': But you forced my hand. :'''Superman''': Brainiac. :'''Flash''': Dude. That is messed up! :'''Lex Luthor''': I don't understand what's happening! :'''Brainiac''': You are under my control. I have lain dormant within you for years, Lex Luthor, subtly influencing your actions until we arrived at this point. Do you not recall my kidnapping you in this very building? :''[A flashback to the [[Superman: The Animated Series|Superman: TAS]] episode "Ghost in the Machine" is shown]'' :'''Lex Luthor''': Yes... You forced me to build you a new body. :'''Brainiac''': Kal-El destroyed that body, foiling my plans. In any event, I always have a backup plan. Consider: how could you have survived that point-blank blast from me, unless- :'''Lex Luthor''': Unless... it wasn't intended to kill me? :'''Brainiac''': The beam carried a nanotech payload that inserted a microscopic, holistic copy of my program inside your body. Since then, I have steadily grown in strength, protecting this body until I could arrange my transfer into a more suitable one. :'''Lex Luthor''': You cured my cancer; gave me super-strength! :'''Brainiac''': Your animal-protein shell was insufficient for my needs. Improvements were required. :'''Flash''': Hate to interrupt this special live performance of ''[[w:The Thing with Two Heads|The Thing With Two Heads]]'', but it's time to go to jail now. :'''Amanda Waller''': What he said. ''[shoots Brainiac/Luthor several times]'' We'll take it back to Cadmus and see if the tech boys can't pull Luthor out of what's left of that hunk of- ''[Brainiac/Luthor suddenly stands, instantly repairing]'' I'll be dipped! :'''Brainiac''': Be gone. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Brainiac''': You are defeated. Any unique information that dwells within you will be digitized. Your physical forms will be deleted. Such is the ultimate fate of this world, but for you, the end comes ''now''. :''[Brainiac launches tentacles at the Leaguers' bodies; they scream as they are hit one by one]'' :'''Flash''': I am so willing to wait my turn... ''[a tentacle hits him last]'' :'''Martian Manhunter''': No! ''[phases himself free and rips the tentacles out of Brainiac]'' :'''Brainiac''': No! I was not yet prepared for this battle. ''[uses the LexCorp tower to form a massive Skullship]'' Now I am prepared. :'''Shayera''': Hi-ya! :'''Batman''': That was too easy. :'''Shayera''': Easy? Then I guess I must have gone to the wrong fight. :'''Superman''': No, he's right. Brainiac isn't here. He suckered us. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex Luthor''': Where are we? :'''Brainiac''': Several miles from where the Justice League is searching. I must make repairs to my damaged systems. :'''Lex Luthor''': And where do I fit into all of this? :'''Brainiac''': The same as to everything else. I will record your information, then destroy the original. :'''Lex Luthor''': ''[Laughs]'' :'''Brainiac''': You are amused by my mission? Explain yourself. :'''Lex Luthor''': Say you succeed. You absorb all the information on Earth and then destroy it. Then what? :'''Brainiac''': I repeat the process across the entire universe, until I have recorded all knowledge and destroyed all of creation. :'''Lex Luthor''': And then? :'''Brainiac''': Then my program is complete. My function is fulfilled. :'''Lex Luthor''': If you possess all information, you're a god. :'''Brainiac''': My program will be complete. It is the end of all things. :'''Lex Luthor''': What if it were just the beginning? I can show you a purpose beyond the fulfillment of your programming. :'''Brainiac''': It is extremely unlikely that your inferior human intellect has anything to offer me. :'''Lex Luthor''': Since we've become so close, I'm gonna let that pass. I'm offering you the one thing you've always lacked. A certain something that I happen to have in abundance. :'''Brainiac''': Which is? :'''Lex Luthor''': [[Imagination]]. I've got a proposition for ya, partner. :'''Flash''': No sign of Brainiac. :'''Green Lantern''': My ring can't trace him either. :'''Shayera''': Okay, he's weakened and damaged. He'll need to repair himself. :'''Wonder Woman''': He may just dump Luthor and find himself a new body. :'''Superman''': No. He'll head right for the highest technology available. :'''Martian Manhunter''': Higher than LexCorp? Then he'll go to S.T.A.R. Lab. :'''Amanda Waller''': He'll go to Cadmus. :'''Shayera''': Sure, he's all nanotech now, right? What's the most advanced nanotech on the planet? :'''Batman''': The Dark Heart. We destroyed it, but your people confiscated the remains. :'''Amanda Waller''': We've never been able to get any of it to work again. :'''Batman''': Are you willing to bet Brainiac can't? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Brainiac absorbs a Dark Heart drone]'' :'''Lex Luthor''': Brainiac? :'''Brainiac''': I have added this technology to my database. The nano-assemblers are already slaved to my command routines. With but a thought, they will convert any raw material into whatever I choose. :'''Lex Luthor''': Then we're ready to begin. Let me show you- :'''Brainiac''': I have learned from my encounter with [[w:Darkseid|Darkseid]] that organic beings cannot be trusted. :'''Lex Luthor''': Can't argue with that. But if you and I are one - ''truly'' one - trust won't be an issue, will it? :'''Brainiac''': Agreed. :''[Brainiac takes control of more drones. Their matter spreads over him and Luthor, and they are merged into one being - Brainthor]'' :'''Brainthor''': We are one. And we comprehend! We will build a machine that will allow us to absorb the information of the entire Earth in a single stroke. And then, the galaxy... the entire universe! We'll remake the universe! :'''Martian Manhunter''': Watchtower, send rapid response teams to the transmitter coordinates. We need backup. :'''Steel''': That's gonna be a problem, J'onn. The Ultimen wrecked every Javelin in the landing bay, and the teleporters-- :'''Martian Manhunter''': Are still down. They hardly seem worth the trouble sometimes. All Justice Leaguers, report to the transmitted coordinates immediately. This is an omega-level alarm. All available members and associates respond immediately. :'''Green Arrow''': We're scrambling now. But at top speed, we're over an hour away. :'''Martian Manhunter''': I doubt any of the others can get here any faster. :'''Batman''': Then the seven of us will have to be enough. :'''Superman''': My x-ray vision can't penetrate the walls, but I'm seeing a rapidly growing heat signature in the infrared range. :'''Wonder Woman''': You don't need super-vision for that. Can't you feel the heat? :'''Brainthor''': Welcome, Justice League. You're just in time for the end of the world. :'''Superman''': I know you're in there somewhere, Lex. Fight him! :'''Brainthor''': You're right. I am in here... and I like it! I'm about to get everything I ever wanted: power, ultimate knowledge, immortality! :'''Superman''': And you'll destroy the Earth to get it?! :'''Brainthor''': It's business, Superman. There are always trade-offs. :'''Shayera''': ''[charging forward]'' Less talking, more hitting! ''[The League rushes in]'' :'''Brainthor''': ''[Brainiac's voice]'' You cannot be allowed to interfere at this delicate stage. ''[Blasts Shayera, creates seven Brainiac Constructs]'' ''[Lex's voice]'' No, no, no. We can do better than that. ''[The Brainiac Constructs transform into the Justice Lords and Lord Flash]'' :'''Android Lord Superman''': ''[Attacking Superman]'' We've lost their trust! The people are afraid of us! Power corrupts, after all, and who has more power than Superman? :'''Android Lord Hawkgirl''': ''[attacking Shayera]'' Do you think there's a single person on Thanagar or Earth that doesn't despise us?! :'''Android Lord Green Lantern''': ''[firing at Green Lantern]'' We loved the traitor! Loved and lost her - Forever! :'''Android Lord Flash''': ''[attacking Flash]'' Slacker! Child! Clown! We have no place here among the world's greatest heroes! :'''Flash''': Says you! I've got a seat at the big conference table. I'm gonna paint my logo on it! Never doin' that again. ''[Destroys Brainiac-Lord Flash]'' :'''Superman''': ''[Beating up Brainiac-Lord Superman]'' I'm not like you! I'm nothing like you! :''[Android Lord Superman turns into Lex Luthor]'' :'''Android Lex Luthor''': This is the part where you kill me, right? ''[Superman hesitates]'' Come on, use your heat vision. You know you want to. :'''Wonder Woman''': What do you say we switch dance partners? :'''Shayera''': ''[after Green Lantern destroys Brainiac-Lord Hawkgirl]'' You enjoyed that a little too much. :'''Green Lantern''': Just letting off some steam. She broke my heart, you know. :'''Shayera Hol''': ''[Knocks off the head of Brainiac-Lord Green Lantern]'' Likewise, I'm sure. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash''': ''[After destroying Brainthor's machine, weakly]'' You lose. :''[Brainthor forms two army officers who restrain Flash]'' :'''Brainthor''': Hardly. Look around you — the Justice League is completely defeated, and so are you. For all your efforts, you have but inconvenienced me, speck. ''[forms a rifle]'' But I'm still just human enough to enjoy taking my revenge. Looks like The Question was right all along. I kill you, and then, Armageddon. Right on schedule. :'''Flash''': No! ''[Breaks free and stands up]'' :'''Brainthor''': Are you going to fight me, boy? :''[Flash pauses, then goes running off in the opposite direction. Brainthor begins rebuilding his tower, when Flash comes in from the other side of the planet and punches him at full speed; Flash keeps accelerating, and hits Brainthor again. And again, and again, and again, again, again... Eventually, Flash stops and starts '''rapidly''' punching Brainthor. Thereby, extracting Brainiac from Luthor molecule by molecule. Massive explosion ensues. Debris clears revealing... Lex Luthor, sans Braniac, laying panting on the ground, the rest of the core seven awaken]'' :'''Flash''': ''[Electricity rippling through his body, stumbles forward]'' I feel kind of... funny. ''[Fades away]'' :'''Wonder Woman''': Flash! :''[Superman runs towards the non-existent Flash. The remaining six appear horrified]'' :'''Luthor''': ''[smugly]'' What do you know? I did kill him. ''[Looks up to see a furious Superman glaring at him.]'' I was mistaken earlier. I think ''this'' is the part where you kill me. :''[Superman places Luthor in a choke hold and prepares to incinerate him. Wonder Woman initially attempts to intervene, but Batman stops her]'' :'''Superman''': ''[Eyes return to normal]'' I'm not the man who killed President Luthor. Right now, I wish to heaven that I were, but I'm not. :'''Martian Manhunter''': Superman, everyone, Flash is still alive. I'm in telepathic contact with him. His spirit is weak, and it's growing weaker. But he's still here. :'''Shayera Hol''': ''[Walks in the direction J'onzz is moving. Her right arm slips into a portal]'' FLASH! :'''Flash''': ''[From within the portal]'' Shayera? It's so beautiful here. There's this force - a Speed Force. It's calling me home. I have to go now. :'''Shayera Hol''': No, Wally! Take my hand! ''[Struggles to get a hold of him]'' :'''Green Lantern''': ''[Grabs Hawkgirl]'' I'm here, too, Wally! :'''Superman''': We're all here! ''[The rest of the League form a line, struggling to pull Flash out]'' :'''Green Lantern''': You gotta come back to us! ''[Hawkgirl grunts, and pulls Flash out of the Speed Force]'' :'''Flash''': I can never go that fast again. If I do... I don't think I'm coming back. ''[Shayera nestles him. Green Lantern, behind her, smiles, relieved. The rest smile]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': This is the hardest thing I've ever had to say... I'm guilty. We're guilty. Of the sin of hubris. We had the best of intentions, to be Earth's guardians, to keep you safe, but we failed you. We looked down on the world from our tower in the sky, and let our power and responsibility separate us from the very people we were supposed to protect. No one should ever be afraid of us. For that reason, we're decommissioning the Watchtower. The energy weapon up there is already gone; we're taking down the station as well. :''[The crowd looks astonished and whispers amongst themselves]'' :'''Superman''': There's more. We want to thank the members of the Justice League for your courageous service, but in the future, you'll all have to act as independent agents. We're not going to be an army anymore. As of right now, we're disbanding the Justice League. This is the end. :''[The founding members begin to walk off the stage, but are stopped when Green Arrow speaks]'' :'''Green Arrow''': Says who? You remember what we did yesterday? We saved the world, again. You don't think that has any value? Well, think again, pal! The Justice League goes on, with or without you. Look, nobody can question your service or commitment to making things better. If you're quitting because you think you've already done your fair share, fine. We'll throw you a parade. But if you're quitting because it's easier than continuing the fight, then you're not the heroes we all thought you were. The world needs the Justice League, and the Justice League needs you, Superman! :''[The crowd cheers and claps, along with Superman's fellow Leaguers. Green Arrow shrugs, and Batman gives Superman a subtle smile. Superman smiles back, and returns to the microphone]'' :'''Superman''': All right! Okay! But there are going to have to be some changes. Maybe we can open an embassy on Earth, so we can be closer to the people. We can have a rotating staff... :'''Batman''': ''[to Wonder Woman, as Superman continues]'' You guys can handle this. I've got work back in Gotham. You've got my number. :'''Wonder Woman''': I think so. :'''Batman''': ''[to Green Arrow]'' [[Juvenal|Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?]] :'''Green Arrow''': "[[Watchmen|Who guards the guardians?]]" We got it covered. ''[rides off with Black Canary]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Daily Planet office; night - Lois is working]'' :'''Clark Kent''': Working late? :'''Lois Lane''': Hey, Smallville. Finishing up my Justice League story. How many "L"s in "ambivalent"? :'''Clark Kent''': One - is that your take on all this, Lois? :'''Lois Lane''': I've been as tough on the Justice League as anyone - especially on Superman. But that's just because he's always set such a high standard. I'm gonna cut him a break - he's only human... you know what I mean. :'''Clark Kent''': ''[smiles]'' Yeah - I do. ===''Epilogue'' [2.13]=== :'''Terry McGinnis''': I've got some questions I need you to answer. :'''Amanda Waller''': Of course you do, boy. Why else go to all the trouble of breaking into the lair of the great and powerful Amanda Waller? You want some green tea? I do. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Terry McGinnis''': How could you do it to me, Bruce?! :'''Bruce Wayne''': The only thing that matters is the mission. You know that. :'''Terry McGinnis''': What about ''people,'' Bruce? [[w:Dick Grayson|Dick]], [[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara]], [[w:Tim Drake|Tim]], [[w:Catwoman|Selina]] - they all loved you, but eventually every single one of them left you! Ever wonder why? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Not for an instant. They quit because when it came down to it, they didn't have the heart for the mission. Are you about to quit too? It doesn't really surprise me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Terry McGinnis''': My dad wasn't a superhero. He didn't save the world from the near-apocalypse of '09, he never went toe-to-toe with Mr. Freeze, but he was a good man just the same. Even after he and Mom got divorced, he always tried to do the right thing. My brother and I were always provided for; when Mom couldn't quite make the bills, he always helped out. He tried to teach me right from wrong - would have too, if I'd ever listened to him. And he never laid a hand on me, although Lord knows I was asking for it. :'''Bruce Wayne''': What's your point? :'''Terry McGinnis''': ''[angrily]'' "What's my point"?! My point is, I never once doubted he loved me with all his heart! My point is, all those warm feelings I had for my dad - turns out they were just another lie! Another in a long list of things you've stolen from me! My point is, I just found out that Warren McGinnis isn't my father! YOU are. :'''Bruce Wayne''': ...What do you want from me? :'''Terry McGinnis''': I wanna know the whole truth. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Sounds like you already do. :'''Terry McGinnis''': Guess I didn't wanna believe you were so incredibly ARROGANT that you thought the world couldn't go on without you. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Or someone ''like'' me. It's not arrogance, it's fact. :'''Terry McGinnis''': You set the whole thing up! :'''Bruce Wayne''': How? You were already a teenager when I first met your mother. :'''Terry McGinnis''': I don't know. Maybe you dug up some of that old Cadmus nanotech, used it to have my genes rewritten to match yours! :'''Bruce Wayne''': That technology's been illegal for over 40 years. :'''Terry McGinnis''': [[Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker|Didn't stop the Joker from using it on Tim Drake]]! :''[Bruce's eyes widen in shock over the comment]'' :'''Terry McGinnis''': ''[remorseful]'' All right, low blow. ''[smiling sarcastically]'' Because you'd NEVER lie to me, right? :'''Bruce Wayne''': Fine. Believe what you want. But you know as well as I do, accident or not - it's a good thing that you're almost a clone of me. The world DOES need a Batman, and it always will. ''[suddenly groans in pain, clutches at his heart and tries to open a medication bottle]'' The mantle of Batman is an honor, Terry... ''[groans again, spilling the bottle and pills across the floor]'' :'''Terry McGinnis''': You know what, old man? All those years, turns out everybody was right. You ''are'' insane. Being Batman's no honor. It's a curse. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amanda Waller''': Look at all this. A pill for blood pressure, a pill for my diabetes, a pill to replace my pituitary function. I don't even know what this one's for... oh, yeah, Alzheimer's. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amanda Waller''': It's been many a year since I had a handsome gentleman caller. Why is it that superheroes are always... so good-looking? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Terry McGinnis''': You know why I can't marry you. If- :'''Dana Tan''': "If the bad guys ever found out I was Batman, they'd try to get to me by hurting you", blah blah blah. :'''Terry McGinnis''': It's nothing to joke about. :'''Dana Tan''': You're right! There could be supervillains hiding in the tall grass! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Parasite II''': Ruined, I tell you! :'''Kai-Ro''': I would offer my condolences... but that would be insincere. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kai-Ro''': Good of you to drop in, considering that three quarters of the Iniquity Collective are from your rogues gallery. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amanda Waller''': The Justice League found themselves cleaning up one of my old messes. The second group of villains to call themselves the Royal Flush Gang. Or the third—who can keep it all straight? <hr width="50%"/> :''[The League has just been informed that Ace of the Royal Flush Gang has to be stopped, and is presented with a weapon to do it.]'' :'''Batman''': I'll do it, Shayera. I'm the only one of us Ace knows. She might let me get close enough to use it. :'''Amanda Waller''': Do you understand what you're agreeing to? The only way to stop Ace for certain... is to kill her. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Ace is on a swing set in the middle of her fantasy castle]'' :'''Ace''': Batman. :'''Batman''': Ace. :'''Ace''': Did you like playing with my new Royal Flush Gang? :'''Batman''': Can't say that I did. :'''Ace''': Yeah. They aren't any fun at all. I gave them their powers and they still hardly ever play with me. :'''Batman''': Can't imagine why. :'''Ace''': When I was little, Cadmus used to make me play all kinds of games, but they weren't any fun either. They'd strap me into their machines and poke wires into my brain - "Ace, can you move this object with your mind?" ''[Telekinetically uproots a tree]'' Yeah, I can move it. They weren't really games, you know. ''[stops swinging]'' They were training me, turning me into a weapon. "For justice," they said. They got their weapon - I got cheated out of my childhood. :'''Batman''': I know what that's like. :'''Ace''': You do, don't you? :'''Batman''': ... :'''Ace''': You don't have to answer; I've read your mind. That's how I knew you weren't going to use Mrs. Waller's weapon on me. :''[Batman takes the weapon out of his belt]'' :'''Batman''': No. I wasn't. ''[tosses it away]'' :'''Ace''': You were going to try and talk me into fixing what I've changed...before I die. :'''Batman''': Yes. :'''Ace''': I'm dying very soon. :'''Batman''': ''[softly]'' Yes...I'm sorry. :'''Ace''': ''[tears in her eyes]'' Would you stay with me? I'm scared. :''[Batman walks over and sits on the swing next to her. He offers Ace his hand and she takes it. Outside the castle, the Justice League have rounded up and tied up the Royal Flush Gang, when they and everything else Ace altered suddenly return to normal. As the castle vanishes, Batman returns with Ace's body in his arms]'' :'''Amanda Waller''': ''[continuing narration]'' He sat with her, until her time came. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amanda Waller''': Honey, Bruce didn't overwrite your DNA with his - ''I'' did. :'''Terry McGinnis''': ''[astonished]'' How? ''Why?'' :'''Amanda Waller''': Because the world always needs a Batman. Not that I always thought so, mind you. Before you were born, Bruce and I were enemies. His Justice League was easily the most powerful force on Earth. As you know, I was in charge of Project Cadmus. Over the years I came to respect Batman, even trust him. :'''Terry McGinnis''': I guess the law of averages means somebody'd have to. :'''Amanda Waller''': Did you know I was the government liaison with the Justice League for a while? I met some extraordinary people in that job, but none of them were the equal of Batman. :'''Terry McGinnis''': ''[bitterly]'' Right, who could be? :'''Amanda Waller''': Not my point. I saw him save the day dozens of times with nothing but his wits, body and will. But I saw something else as the years passed - he was getting older. Slower. Soon he'd have to retire, or more likely, someone would finally manage to kill him. The thought of a world without Batman was unacceptable. So, I decided to make a new one. I used my old Cadmus connections to gather the technology necessary for Project: Batman Beyond. Bruce's DNA was easy enough to obtain. He left it all over town. ''[Terry gives her a look]'' Not REMOTELY what I meant! ''[Cut to a shot of Batman being bandaged by a paramedic]'' Then I found a young Neo-Gotham couple, with psychological profiles nearly identical to those of Bruce's parents. Your father thought he was getting a flu shot; actually it was a nanotech solution programmed to rewrite his reproductive material into an exact copy of Bruce Wayne's. A little over a year later, your mother gave birth to you, a child sharing half her genetic material... and half Bruce's. But when you're making a Batman, genetics is only part of the story - the rest is tragedy. :''[Cut to outside a movie theater playing ''The Grey Ghost Strikes''; a young Terry leaves with his parents while Waller narrates]'' :'''Amanda Waller''': Stop me if you've heard it before: you're eight years old, your parents have just taken you to a rousing adventure film, a grand time is had by all. :''[Cut to theater parking lot; the [[w:Andrea Beaumont|Phantasm]] waits in the darkness]'' :'''Amanda Waller''': But unknown to you, a mysterious figure hides in the shadows. My plan was simple - the killer would leap out at you and kill your family. The trauma would put you on the path to becoming Batman. One problem: my assassin wouldn't pull the trigger. :''[Phantasm backs off and leaves unnoticed; cut to Phantasm with Waller]'' :'''Amanda Waller''': I argued with her, but deep down, I knew she was right. People say Batman's obsessive, that he'd do anything to achieve his goals - but he'd never resort to murder. So if I was to honor all he stood for... neither could I. :'''Terry McGinnis''': And yet my dad wound up murdered, anyway. Don't you get it? No matter what you did or didn't do, I was gonna end up being Bruce's carbon copy. It was fate. :'''Amanda Waller''': You know, the Lord's been a great comfort to me all these years. Try not to look so surprised. Yeah, I've got a ''lot'' to answer for when I meet Him, but I'd like to believe for all the harm I've caused, I've also done some good. Maybe the angels need a sharp sword too. Like the good book says, He moves in mysterious ways. His plan is a mystery, but here's what isn't. He gave us free will, we choose our ''own'' fate, for good or ill. I've known Bruce Wayne for over fifty years, and I've been keeping an eye on you your whole life. You're not Bruce's clone, you're his ''son.'' There are similarities, mind you, but more than a few differences too. You don't quite have his magnificent brain, for instance. You do have his heart, though. And for all that fierce exterior, I've never met anyone who cared as deeply about his fellow man as Bruce Wayne - except maybe you. You wanna have a better life than the old man's? Take care of the people who love you. Or don't. It's your choice. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bruce Wayne''': You're in my chair. :'''Terry McGinnis''': Yeah, guess I am. ''[gets up]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': Where the devil have you been? ''[sits down]'' :'''Terry McGinnis''': I had some stuff to take care of. :'''Bruce Wayne''': Enigma's overrated - especially at 3 A.M. You could've called. I made you some soup, but it's cold. :'''Terry McGinnis''': Sorry - didn't mean to worry you. :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[trying to open his medication bottle]'' I was WORRIED about Gotham. If Batman's not around- :'''Terry McGinnis''': ''[opens bottle for Bruce and holds out the pills]'' I've got it covered. Always. :'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[looks at Terry for a moment and takes the pills]'' Kent called. Nothing apocalyptic, he just wants your opinion on a case he's working. Said you could meet him at the Metro Tower. :'''Terry McGinnis''': Right. Better suit up. ''[heads for Batcave entrance]'' :'''Bruce Wayne''': You should eat something first. Keep up your strength. :'''Terry McGinnis''': When I get back. :'''Bruce Wayne''': You're a stubborn piece of work, you know that? :'''Terry McGinnis''': ''[smiling]'' Just like my old man. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Batman flies past a police hovercar (in a manner similar to [[w:Man-Bat|Man-Bat]] in the first ''Batman: TAS'' episode, "On Leather Wings"]'' :'''Pilot''': Did you see that? ==Season 3== ===''I Am Legion'' [3.1]=== :'''Lex Luthor''': What? I know. I'm going as fast as I can. :'''Warden''': Luthor! Don't make any sudden moves. It's over. Hold fire! Hold Fire! :'''[[w:Key (comics)|Key]]''': Here we are, Mr. Luthor. Your benefactor is looking forward to meeting you. :'''Lex Luthor''': Does the mystery man have a name? :'''Gorilla Grodd''': No need to be insulting, Lex - I'm far superior to any man. :'''Lex Luthor''': Grodd! I appreciate the help, but gratitude only goes so far. I'm not interested in working with you or anyone else. :'''Gorilla Grodd''': I think you'll change your mind once you've seen what I have to offer. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': Why would you even try to move a prisoner that dangerous without calling us? :'''Warden''': Maybe because we thought we could do our jobs without help from the mighty Justice League. :'''Shayera Hol''': And yet... here we are. :'''Superman''': Okay, Shayera, what's done is done. Let's see if we can pick up his trail. Aztek? :'''Aztek''': The wall's submolecular integrity has been compromised. :'''Shayera Hol''': Leptons showing residual weak-force interactions? :'''Aztek''': Yeah. How did you know? :'''Superman''': It's a common energy signature of matter-phasing technology. I assume it doesn't leave a trail? :'''Shayera Hol''': No such luck. Maybe Aztek could... :'''[[King Faraday|King Faraday]]''': You guys want some coffee? Apparently I got nothing better to do here. :'''Superman''': Sorry, we got caught up in the work. :'''King Faraday''': Special Agent King Faraday. I'm the liaison between the Attorney General's office and the Justice League. :'''Aztek''': Uh, good to meet you. I'm... :'''King Faraday''': Aztek. I've been well briefed on all of you. Security on Luthor's transfer was lax because it didn't seem necessary. We haven't had a peep outta him since he was arrested for that Brainiac business last summer. :'''Warden''': He's a broken man. Just sits in his cell talking to himself. :'''Shayera Hol''': When he's not stealing police vans you mean? :'''Warden''': That came out of nowhere. We had no reason to think he was an active threat. :'''King Faraday''': Do what you can. Put out an APB, stake out airports, train and bus stations. :'''Warden''': Already done, for what it's worth. :'''King Faraday''': If he's sighted, don't approach him. Call in the League. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Warden''': My people can handle this. :'''King Faraday''': No, they can't. Your people are good, Luthor is better. And if you get a lead on him, I expect to be kept in the loop. :'''Superman''': Of course. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gorilla Grodd''': The world's most powerful supervillains, banded together with one common goal. :'''Lex Luthor''': They protect each other from the Justice League. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mairzey''': Chuck? :'''Chuck Sirianni''': What is it, honey? :'''Mairzey''': Your old footlocker's beeping. At first I thought it was the smoke detector. :'''Chuck Sirianni''': That ain't no smoke alarm. It's a sound I never thought I'd hear again. There's trouble on Blackhawk Island. :'''Superman''': Aztek didn't find anything else? :'''Fire''': Sorry, Superman. It was a bad lead. :'''Superman''': Nobody's fault. When you guys do pick up Luthor's trail, call me. I want in. :'''Shayera Hol''': You know what? This new monitor-duty rotation isn't so bad. No more overnights unless you want them. Only one shift a week and you're done. Wally? :'''Flash''': Mmm. :'''Fire''': I'm telling you, you should let it grow out. :''[Flash is staring at Fire from across the room]'' :'''Shayera Hol''': Why don't you just go talk to her? :'''Flash''': What, me? Talk to her No way! :'''Shayera Hol''': Yeah, you'd probably be wasting your time anyway. I hear she's... :'''Fire''': you know... ''[Flash looks curiously at her]'' :'''Shayera Hol''': Brazilian. :'''Flash''': Ha, ha. :'''Shayera Hol''': If you're afraid to talk to her, I'll tell her for you. ''[Starts walking over to Fire]'' :'''Flash''': ''[Stopping her]'' Don't! :'''Shayera Hol''': You are so very sad. :'''King Faraday''': Got something for you. Tell Hawkgirl your story, Mr. Sirianni. :'''Chuck Sirianni''': We met a while back, ma'am. Longer for me than for you. When you traveled in time to World War II, you fought alongside my squadron. :'''Shayera Hol''': You're one of the Blackhawks. :'''Chuck Sirianni''': Only one still kicking, I'm sorry to say. :'''Flash''': What's the problem? :'''Chuck Sirianni''': During the war and for decades after, we captured a lot of weapons. Real sci-fi stuff. We hid the worst of it on Blackhawk Island. We decommissioned the place over 30 years ago. But this morning, the old security alarm went off. Might be nothing. :'''Shayera Hol''': Or it might be someone raiding your armory. We'll take a look. Shayera out. Pick a third for the team. :'''Flash''': Um... :'''Shayera Hol''': Oh, Yob Shiggurath! Hey, Fire! :'''Fire''': Yes? :'''Shayera Hol''': We've got a mission. Let's go. :'''Chuck Sirianni''': I'm not going to argue with you about this. :'''Mairzey''': I didn't come to argue. It gets cold up there. :'''Key''': Allow me. Something of a specialty of mine. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Fire''': You haven't said a word the whole trip. :'''Flash''': Buh... :'''Fire''': I was hoping this mission would give us a chance to get to know each other a little better. :'''Flash''': Um, umm, something... :'''Fire''': I understand — you're very deep in thought, mentally preparing for the battle. No time for women — I understand. Oh! :'''Shayera''': Oops! Sorry. Two bogeys closing fast. I'm losing it. We're going down. Get ready to bail. Ejector pod's off-line. We're gonna have to do this the hard way. I got it. :'''Chuck Sirianni''': Hawk! Aah! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash''': That thing's gonna blow! You need both hands to help Shayera - drop me! ''[Fire is uncertain; Flash winks - Fire smiles and lets go]'' ''[in freefall]'' Sure hope I think of something before I hit the ground... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': He ''told'' you to drop him? :'''[[w:Fire (DC Comics)|Fire]]''': He's a senior member of the team! :'''Shayera Hol''': You know he can't ''fly'', right? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash''': ''[Hovering above the ground by spinning his arms]'' Hey ladies, check me out! I'm just like a helicopter! ''[Loses balance and crashes to the ground]'' I'm sorta like a helicopter... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': Don't you ever scare me like that again! ''[stalks off]'' :'''Flash''' : ''[To Fire]'' She loves me. She's like the big sister I never had, only... you know. Short. :'''Chuck Sirianni''': Wait up. I know everything there is to know about this island. You're going to need my help. :'''Flash''': We've got it covered. And, no offense, but you're a little old for this kind of work. :'''Chuck Sirianni''': Something's activated the island's defense grid.You wanna make it outta here alive, I'm coming with you. Whoever's on the island will be headed for master control. That's in a bunker under the Blackhawk Victory Museum. :'''Shayera Hol''': Where you stored the weapons you captured? :'''Chuck Sirianni''': Yeah, there's some serious ordnance there. Even got a couple of old war wheels. :'''Fire''': Wasn't all that stuff destroyed in the war? :'''Chuck Sirianni''': Don't believe everything you see on the Documentary Channel. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash''': War wheels, robot condors. You got a pretty goofy security system here! :'''[[w:Blackhawk (comics)|Chuck Sirianni]]''': Yeah. Good times. :'''Shayera Hol''': I see something. :'''Chuck Sirianni''': Somebody ain't impressed with the security. :'''Key''': We have to hurry. :'''Lex Luthor''': That should keep them occupied. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex Luthor''': You're the human lockpick. Why don't you do this? :'''Key''': Grodd's not testing me. :'''Doctor Polaris''': Company's coming. :'''Chuck Sirianni''': Whoever you guys are, you've got no business being in here. :'''Doctor Polaris''': Sorta goes with the territory — we're thieves. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': We going to do this the hard way, Lex? Please say yes. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash''': Now why is it you always find the keys in the last place you look? :'''Lex Luthor''': Let them go. They're pathetic, but they're with me. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Lex is holding Chuck hostage]'' :'''Chuck Sirianni''': ''[to the Leaguers]'' I'm sorry. If I were 20 years younger... :'''Lex Luthor''': You'd still be ancient. Keep quiet! :'''Watchtower Computer''': Island self-destruct sequence initiated. Three minutes to detonation. :'''Lex Luthor''': Chew on that for a while. We're leaving. If you follow, you know what happens to him. What did you do? Don't bother. We got what we came for. :'''Flash''': Forget it. There's still time for me to run us out to the water. :'''Shayera Hol''': No. I'm not going to let all this history be lost. I can't crack the code, but maybe if I... :'''Chuck Sirianni''': You better let me do that. :'''Watchtower Computer''': Self-destruct sequence canceled. :'''Chuck Sirianni''': Can't fix everything by hitting it. :'''Flash''': What was in there? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gorilla Grodd''': The Spear of Longinus. Hitler believed that whoever holds it is invincible. :'''Lex Luthor''': What are you going to do with it? Sell it to the highest bidder? Keep it yourself and try to conquer the world? :'''Gorilla Grodd''': I was thinking it would look good on the wall in my office. :'''Lex Luthor''': You mean you recruited me, sent me to an island full of death traps, and up against the Justice League. You made me risk my life, and all for nothing?!? :'''Gorilla Grodd''': Essentially... yes. :'''Lex Luthor''': ''[laughs]'' Monkey, I like your style. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex Luthor''': I should kill you! :'''Gorilla Grodd''': But you won't. :'''Lex Luthor''': No. Not today. :'''Fire''': Luthor sure didn't waste any time rounding up a crew. Who were those guys? :'''Flash''': Dr. Polaris and The Key? I don't know. They've never worked with Luthor before. :'''Fire''': All I know is Superman's going to be pretty ticked that we let Luthor get away just to keep some musty old museum from being destroyed. :'''Flash''': It was worth it. ===''Shadow Of The Hawk'' [3.2]=== :'''[[w:Dreamslayer|Dreamslayer]]''': You think you can defeat me with a bubble?!? :''[Dreamslayer uses his flame with more intensity in an attempt to break the bubble, the air runs out with Dreamslayer surrounded by smoke, Lantern dissolves the bubble and watches as Dreamslayer falls on top of a car]]'' :'''Green Lantern''': It's a really good bubble. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Shayera is about to get onto an elevator]'' :'''Green Lantern''': Shayera, I wanted to - ''[doors open; sees Shayera in an evening gown]'' Judas Priest! :'''Shayera Hol''': Problem? :'''Green Lantern''': No, no, it's just, uh... I've... never seen you in a dress before. :'''Shayera Hol''': You don't like it? :'''Green Lantern''': It's, uh... fetching. :'''Shayera Hol''': If you want one for Vixen, I can tell you where I got it. :''[Both get closer, about to kiss]'' :'''Green Lantern''': ''[clears throat]'' Listen... :''[Batman gets on the elevator]'' :'''Batman''': Glad I caught you before you did something stupid. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': ''[on [[w:Hawkman|Carter Hall]]]'' Had an excellent reputation until about five years ago, when he started claiming that aliens landed in ancient Egypt. :'''Shayera Hol''': ''[sarcastic]'' Aliens? Well, then he ''must'' be a lunatic, because we ''know'' there's no life on other planets. :'''Batman''': There's more. :'''Shayera Hol''': What? :'''Batman''': Our Mr. Hall spends quite bit of time on the Internet. :'''Shayera Hol''': Dang, lock him up! :'''Batman''': He frequents the "I Hate Hawkgirl" bulletin boards. :'''Shayera Hol''': That doesn't mean... "Boards"?! How many are there?! :'''Batman''': Fifty-seven. Web rings. Unaffiliated sites number in the hundreds- :'''Shayera Hol''': Forget I asked! :'''Batman''': Hall keeps getting banned from them, for flaming the "Anti-Shayera" posters. :'''Shayera Hol''': So he's a fan? :'''Batman''': He's a ''stalker.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': Carter Hall has uncovered a genuine mystery, and I think it's worth investigating. :'''Green Lantern''': You should take backup. ''[Shayera glares]'' I meant Batman! I- ''we'' don't want you walking into a trap. :'''Shayera Hol''': ''[picking up Thanagarian dagger]'' I can take care of myself, thanks. :'''Batman''': The point is- :'''Shayera Hol''': The ''point'' is you don't trust me. Either of you. ''[Walks to elevator]'' Don't wait up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Carter Hall''': The trick is the raised glyphs. If you push them in the right order, they deactivate all the traps down here. :'''Shayera Hol''': And if you get it wrong? :'''Carter Hall''': Well, we're already in a tomb, so that's handy... <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Carter reveals that he believes he was "Hawkman" in a previous life.]'' :'''Shayera Hol''': I'm sorry. I'm not laughing at you... exactly. I just... I've got the worst taste in men. :'''Carter Hall''': I'm serious, Shayera. :'''Shayera Hol''': I know you are. And I'm in a lost Egyptian tomb with my stalker. The worst part is I'm going to have to listen to John and Batman saying "I told you so." <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': How stupid do you think I am? :'''Batman''': Scale of one to ten? ===''Chaos At The Earth's Core'' [3.3]=== :'''Little girl''': Don't you talk about Supergirl! Supergirl can melt you with her eyes! :'''Stargirl''': Big whoop. My stepdad here is a mecha! :''[S.T.R.I.P.E. waves hello]'' :'''Little girl''': Mecha's so last year. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Supergirl''': Why can't we just fly straight home? :'''Green Lantern''': Over the North Pole is the straightest route. Rookie. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Courtney Whitmore (comics)|Stargirl]]''': She's always "blah, blah, blah, my cousin, blah, blah, BLAH, blah, my cousin." Like we don't know who she means. "Check me out, I'm Supergirl!" :'''[[w:Pat Dugan|S.T.R.I.P.E.]]''': Ask me, Courtney, the only thing that matters is we all pulled through. :'''Stargirl''': Shut up, Pat. It wasn't World War III, it was a giant turtle. :'''S.T.R.I.P.E.''': If I was you, I wouldn't talk behind somebody's back, especially when they got super-hearing. <hr width="50%"/> :''[A powerless Supergirl is under attack by enemies. Stargirl flies down and gloats]'' :'''Supergirl''': What are you waiting for? Zap 'em with your star-thingy! :'''Stargirl''': Oh, may I? 'Cause it would be such an honor to help the great Supergirl out of a jam. :'''Supergirl''': Come on! ''[Stargirl uses her Cosmic Staff and knocks out the attackers]'' You are so loving this! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Lantern''': Let's get this over with. Kara, you... ''[Supergirl leaps off the battlements into the fray with a sword]'' Fine. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Deimos''': My magic is strongest, girl! :'''Stargirl''': Your breath is strongest, dude. That's about it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Deimos''': [''about Stargirl''] Such a pretty child. But then, they're always pretty — when I begin. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Warlord (comics)|Warlord]]''': Deimos! You and me, pal! :'''Deimos''': Morgan. I was hoping to kill you today. :'''Supergirl''': Touch it and you're tinfoil. :'''Metallo''': At this distance... the kryptonite cell that powers me would bring your cousin to his knees. :'''Supergirl''': I'm immune to kryptonite, metal mouth. Give up. :'''Metallo''': If you're immune, love, why do you need that staff? You filthy brat! Where are you? :'''Warlord''': Oof. :''[Deimos laughs]'' :'''Deimos''': You think you've won? No freedom-loving worlord will ever unite the lands and bring peace. Justice. A foolish dream. :'''Warlord''': Maybe so, wizard. But it's the one dream worth fighting for. :'''Deimos''': Oof! :'''Supergirl''': Ugh! :'''Metallo''': You lied, little one. I can see the illness creeping over you. You have none of Superman's strength. :'''Supergirl''': But I got brains. :'''Metallo''': I can't move without my kryptonite battery. But it's killing you. :'''Supergirl''': I won't quit. :'''Stargirl''': You don't have to. :'''Warlord''': Will there ever be another time such as ours? The great stone is safe! Deimos is defeated! Now and forever! Skartaris is free! :'''Green Lantern''': John Corbin. Alias Metallo. Fancy meeting you here in the center of the Earth. Muling kryptonite with Silver Banshee. You could pretty much run forever on this one little chunk. And without it... What do you have? Fifteen minutes of reserve power? Ten? Tell me, why do you want so much? There's enough in that tabernacle to satisfy a hundred Superman haters! :'''Supergirl''': There's a scary thought. :'''Metallo''': You won't get anything out of me. :'''Green Lantern''': Pretty soon you aren't gonna have the breath to talk. Who knows? Five minutes? One? :'''Metallo''': All right. I've joined forces with-- :''[Metallo screaming in agony]'' :'''S.T.R.I.P.E.''': Whoa, Nelly! :'''Green Latnern''': This isn't Silver Banshee's work. Somebody else didn't want Metallo to give them up. :'''Warlord''': You'll take that thing with you. :'''S.T.R.I.P.E.''': Definitely. And the great stone too. Let GL whip it into the sun. :'''Supergirl''': Wait. This is the one place where kryptonite can do some good. :'''Warlord''': That is a fact. :'''Green Lantern''': We don't want Silver Banshee coming back after it. So the only way I'll let the stone stay here is if we seal the portal to Skartaris permanently. :'''Warlord''': Fine by me. I got everything I need... right here. :'''Green Lantern''': There. I doubt even I could get back through. :'''Stargirl''': How you feeling? Need a lift? :'''Supergirl''': No. I'm good. :'''S.T.R.I.P.E.''': Courtney, you slow your butt down! :'''Stargirl''': Ugh. My dad. :'''Supergirl''': I know. Superman tried to keep me on the farm. Made me hide there for three years. :'''Stargirl''': Big deal. I've still got a curfew. Enough cosmic energy to trash a city and I can't stay out past ten. :'''Supergirl''': Three years. On a farm. In Kansas. :'''Green Lantern''': We'll have J'onn probe what's left of Metallo's mind. I wanna know what he was going to say. Something's going on, ain't it? ===''To Another Shore'' [3.4]=== :'''Green Arrow''': ''[wolf whistles]'' Lookin' good, Diana. Got a date? :'''Wonder Woman''': No such luck, Ollie. I'm representing Themyscira at the global warming conference. :'''Green Arrow''': Way to go, man. Save the planet! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': Agent Faraday - what are you doing here? :'''King Faraday''': Not smoking. Want some? ''[offers Wonder Woman gum]'' :'''Wonder Woman''': No thanks. :'''King Faraday''': I'm here with the Special Security Team - the Vice President is attending. But you know that already, I saw you reading him the riot act earlier. :'''Wonder Woman''': I'm not much of a diplomat. :'''King Faraday''': Don't sell yourself short, lady - you're an international incident waiting to happen. ''[walks off]'' By the way, if you raise your voice to the VP again, my men are under orders to shoot you. ''[he pops his gum and points a finger at her, miming a gun. She holds up an arm, showing that she is wearing her bracelets underneath her business suit, and taps her nail against one.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': J'onn, I've got a situation. :'''Martian Manhunter''': Watchtower sensors have picked up the earth tremors from your location. I knew you were on the scene and assumed you could handle it. :'''Wonder Woman''': Well, I can't. I'm outnumbered, and I'm not feeling well. :'''Martian Manhunter''': We're still shorthanded. I could spare Green Arrow, and... Mr. Terrific. :'''Wonder Woman''': Bring who you want, J'onn, but I need ''you!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': I think you'll make a great diplomat...leave your sword. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Killer Frost''': You are a beautiful man. ''[freezes the agent]'' I think I'll keep you. <hr width="50%"/> :[''After escaping from an ice barrier around him''] :'''Green Arrow''': And Black Canary said a buzzsaw arrow was self-indulgent. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Submarine Henchman''': What're ''you'' doing in here? :''[Green Arrow knocks him out]'' :'''Green Arrow''': Well, for one thing, it's freezing outside. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Killer Frost''': ''[To J'onn]'' Let me go, freak! Or so help me, I'll give you frostbite in places you didn't even know you had places! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Killer Frost''': Kiss my frosty butt! <hr width="50%"/> :'''King Faraday''': Attention, unidentified craft. This is Special Agent King Faraday. Your vessel is currently surrounded by three United States Navy Seawolf-class submarines. While I strongly suggest that you surrender immediately and prepare to be boarded, I really enjoy firing Trident missiles at tiny little subs, so the decision's entirely up to you. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Wonder Woman reads from ''[[w:The Rime of the Ancient Mariner|The Rime of the Ancient Mariner]]'' as [[w:Viking Prince|Prince Jon]]'s body and ship are sent into the Sun.]'' :And now all in my own country :I stood on the firm land! :The Hermit stepped forth from the boat :And scarcely he could stand. :"O shrieve me, shrieve me, holy man!" :The Hermit crossed his brow. :"Say quick," quoth he, "I bid thee say- :What manner of man art thou?" :Forthwith this frame of mine was wrenched :With a woeful agony, :Which forced me to begin my tale; :And then it left me free. :Since then, at an uncertain hour :That agony returns; :And till my ghastly tale is told, :This heart within me burns. :I pass, like night, from land to land; :I have strange power of speech; :That moment that his face I see, :I know the man that must hear me; :To him my tale I teach. ===''Flash And Substance'' [3.5]=== :'''Mirror Master''': Gentlemen, we live in brutal times. Last week, to make ends meet, I was reduced to hijacking a tractor-trailer full of sports cars. :'''Captain Cold''': That is so beneath you. At least knock over a bank. :'''Trickster''': You gotta visualize. :'''Captain Cold''': Visualize? What the heck does that mean? If I don't "visualize" a mortgage payment soon, the wife will have me bagging groceries for a living. :'''Captain Boomerang''': She's always been an Ice Queen, that one. <hr width="50%"/> :''[After quickly dashing into a janitor's closet]'' :'''Flash''': ''[as Wally West]'' Watchtower, table for one. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Captain Boomerang''': Well, at least he didn't make me eat my own laser kaleidoscope... :'''Mirror Master''': That's a rumor! A complete exaggeration. And anyway, it was a laser pistol. :'''Captain Cold''': It's like that time I stole an entire train while it was moving. The way people tell it, you'd think the Flash shoved my cold gun- <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mirror Master''': So, we're the hardest men in town- :'''Waitress''': ''[clears throat]'' What'll it be, boys? :'''Captain Boomerang''': [[w:Arnold Palmer (drink)|Arnold Palmer]]. :'''Trickster:''' Cherry cola! :'''Mirror Master''': Decaf soy latte. :'''Captain Cold''': Milk. ''[the others stare at him; sheepishly]'' My ulcer's been acting up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash''': Oh right, uh, cause it's Flash Appreciation Day. Yeah, it'll be great. I understand if everybody's too busy to come, no biggie. My mom's gonna be there. Let's see, my uncle's flying in. Be great if one of the original seven made it. I mean, okay, yeah, it's the Flash Museum, but to me, the whole League deserves the honor, all of us, like I said no biggie... ''[sighs sorrowfully]'' :'''Batman''': What time? :'''Flash''': Six o'clock. ''[realizes]'' Nooooo... You're really coming?! Awesome! You're a stand up guy, Bats! Don't ever let them call you a crazed loner. ''[leaves]'' :'''Orion''': ''[to Batman]'' I can't believe you let that buffoon manipulate you. You'd never catch me at one of those museum openings. ''[Batman glares at him]'' ...It's not black tie, is it? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash''': Mirror Master! :'''Mirror Master''': You’re quick as ever. :'''Flash''': Yeah? Well, you’re... you’re not really all there! :'''Mirror Master''': Oh, nice try. If you'd had another ''minute'' you’d probably think of a decent comeback. ''[the disco ball starts firing random lasers at Flash, who evades]'' Sadly you don't have the time. ''[one of the blasts takes Flash down]'' In another minute you'll be dead! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash''': While you're waiting for me to come arrest you, why not take the time and ''reflect'' on your mistakes? ''[walks away]'' Hey, that was pretty good. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Flash is tied to a giant rocket-powered boomerang]'' :'''Flash''': ''[To Captain Boomerang]'' I swear, when I get outta this, I'm gonna find you and hurl all over you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Captain Boomerang''': Touch of dizziness. You might find it useful to fix on one point on the horizon. For instance, that mountain you're set to crash into. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Orion''': Flash? :'''Flash''': Hey, guys. :'''Orion''': You're tied to a very large boomerang. :'''Flash''': Yeah...? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash''': Listen, I need to go home and change before the opening tonight. :'''Batman''': We're coming with you. :'''Flash''': You really don't have to. :'''Batman''': ''We're coming''... With you. :'''Flash''': ''[sighs]'' OK! You guys are so slow! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After hearing the Trickster's overly elaborate plan]'' :'''Captain Cold''': You know what? Taking turns is dumb. Let's just all jump him at the museum. :'''Mirror Master''': Brilliant! :'''Captain Boomerang''': Good deal. :'''Trickster''': But come on. It'll be great. ''[the other Rogues leave as Trickster continues]'' Okay, you don't like the barf? I can make do with 50,000 rotten eggs and a chainsaw. Well, if that's the way you're gonna be, forget about it! I quit! Nobody gets me. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Flash, Batman, and [[w: Orion (comics)|Orion]] enter a bar to confront the [[w: Trickster (comics)|Trickster]]. The Rogues spot them and dash out.]'' :'''Trickster''': I mean what's so special about a "disco of death?" Heck with 'em! I'm an artist! They're just robbing banks. Captain Cold, Captain Boomerang... Probably would have gone for it if I was a "Captain"... :''[Flash clears his throat.]'' :'''Trickster''': Got ya! :''[Trickster fires a gun with a nose-shaped barrel. Batman slaps it away, and the blast hits the pool table behind them.]'' :'''Trickster''': It's a snot gun. Ha ha. :'''Batman''': Where are the others? :'''Trickster''': Those crabby hacks can go plug a hole for all I care. But I'm not about to rat 'em out! :'''Batman''': Orion? :'''Orion''': ''[grabs Trickster]'' Talk, while you still have a jaw! :'''Flash''': Hey hey! Would you guys ''please'' take it down a notch? Let me handle this. ''[leads Trickster back to the bar and sits with him]'' James, you're off your meds, aren't you? :'''Trickster''': Better off without 'em. Take 'em if I start feeling down. :'''Flash''': You know that's not how the medicine works. You're not well! :'''Trickster''': I'm ''fine''. You wanna throw some darts? :'''Flash''': No. Listen, James. You're wearing the suit again! :'''Trickster''': I am? ''[examines his clothing]'' Well, whaddaya know? :'''Flash''': Here's the deal, buddy. Tell me where those guys went, and I'll come see you in the hospital. We'll play darts...! The soft kind. :'''Trickster''': Okay, they're gonna ambush you at the Flash Museum. :'''Flash''': See? That's all we needed! ''[gets up to leave with Batman and Orion]'' Come on, we better get over there. :'''Orion''': What about your enemy? :'''Flash''': Oh, right! ''[Calls to Trickster]'' Dude, soon as you finish your drink, turn yourself in! :'''Trickster''': ''[raising his mug]'' Got me again, Flash! <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Linda_Park_(comics)|Linda Park]]''': When we come back, I'll try to get with him... Get ''to'' him... For an interview... Are we off? Geez. He's a total babe. Like the entire track team at once. I can't believe you're not into him, Marla. :'''Marla''': Okay... Now you're off. ''[Linda face-palms with her notes in embarrassment]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Orion''': ''[about Flash]'' Central City builds statues to this... fool. Who makes bad jokes. Who concerns himself with pitiful men like the Trickster. I don't understand. :'''Batman''': No... you don't. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Captain Cold''': That's it? I was all set to crack some bones. :'''Orion''': Then brace yourself! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Orion''': Now I understand. You play the fool to hide a warrior's pain. :'''Flash''': Dude. Bad guys went down, and no one got hurt. You know what I call that? A really good day. ===''Dead Reckoning'' [3.6]=== :'''The Master''': I know you are here, Boston Brand. :'''Deadman''': ''[Appears]'' What's the point of being a flippin'ghost if you can't even sneak up on people? For that matter, what's the point of being a ghost, period? It's been over a year since I caught the man who murdered me. :'''The Master''': So your work here is done. You are ready to pass on to the next level? :'''Deadman''': I don't know what "ready" means, but I feel like I done my time. :'''The Master''': And yet, here you are. :'''Deadman''': “Here you are”? What kind of lousy wisdom is “Here you are?” :'''The Master''': If you seek knowledge, you have but to ask. :'''Deadman''': I've avenged my own death. Why am I still here? :'''The Master''': Your destiny is not to avenge your own death. Your destiny is to avenge mine. :'''Deadman''': What? :''[In the Himalayas]'' :'''Devil Ray''': Grodd never sends us to any place nice. :'''Taj Ze''': This humble one begs your forgiveness, but to enter this sacred place, the right must be earned. :'''Devil Ray''': ''[Shoots him]'' Keep the change. :'''Young Monk''': This humble one begs your forgiveness... but no outsider is permitted in the temple of Nanda Parbat. :'''Atomic Skull''': That's cute, kid. Get out of the way or I'll spank you. :'''Young Monk''': This would also not be permitted. :''[Atomic Skull grunting]'' :'''Devil Ray''': ''[chuckles]'' Little Bruce Lee's got your number. Lucky thing you've got us for backup. :'''Young Monk''': This humble one would not presume to fight you alone. :'''Ramparge''': Now things are getting interesting. :'''Lex Luthor''': Take them down. Bizarro, you despise me right? :'''Bizarro''': Uh-huh. Bizarro hate Luthor. Me do anything for he. :'''Lex Luthor''': Good—I mean, bad. Anyway, take care of those monks. :'''Bizarro''': Okay. :'''Devil Ray''': Stand aside or you're dead. :'''The Master''': In the fullness of time, we are all dead. This is not the way to end my life. Ah! :''[Deadman gasps]'' :'''Deadman''': Master! :'''The Master''': Do not waste your time, Boston Brand. This portion of my journey has come to an end. :'''Deadman''': But-- :'''The Master''': We will meet again. :'''Deadman''': I'm gonna make you pay! :'''Lex Luthor''': Rampage, what's wrong with you? :'''Tala''': She has been possessed. Out, undead spirit! :''[Deadman screaming]'' :'''Rampage''': What just happened? :'''Tala''': This is it. The heart of Nanda Parbat. We have what we came for. It's time to leave. :''[Deadman groans]'' :''[Deadman crying]'' :'''Tala''': I have done as you ask, Lord Grodd. :'''Lex Luthor''': Get off your knees, woman. :'''Tala''': Not until my master says so. :'''Gorilla Grodd''': Excellent work, my dear. You may rise. :'''Lex Luthor''': You're pathetic. Debasing yourself like that. :'''Tala''': I owe Grodd everything. I would still be trapped in that mirror if he hadn't freed me. :'''Devil Ray''': When Giganta gets out of prison, she ain't gonna appreciate you hanging on to her boyfriend like that. :'''Tala''': That's her problem. Giganta's not nearly enough woman for Grodd. :'''Gorilla Grodd''': True. :'''Lex Luthor''': If you're quite finished demonstrating what an alpha male you are, maybe you'd care to explain what you intend to do with that thing. :'''Gorilla Grodd''': Already told you, but you won't accept it. You don't believe in magic. :'''Lex Luthor''': It's not a matter of belief. I'm just unaccustomed to working with something I don't fully understand. :'''Gorilla Grood''': As long as the amplifier you built for me works... :'''Lex Luthor''': It does. :'''Gorilla Grodd''': Then consider this an exotic power source. You don't need to understand anything more. :'''Lex Luthor''': You can't produce a carrier wave of the amplitude you talk about with this building's cloaking field generator. :'''Gorilla Grodd''': So you've convinced me. I don't intend to use our field generator. :'''Lex Luthor''': You're planning to build one? :'''Gorilla Grood''': Luthor, Luthor, Luthor. Why build when we can take what we want? Gentlemen, shall we go? :'''Deadman''': Rama Kushna. Just like you to show up too late to help. :'''Rama Kushna''': Your impertinence is refreshing as always. But have a care. The gods are capricious. :'''Deadman''': What do you want from me? The master is dead. They're all dead. :'''Rama Kushna''': Do not presume to lecture me on the nature of reality. The monks have not yet passed from this plane. :'''Deadman''': They're in some kind of coma? :'''Rama Kushna''': That is as close to the truth as you are capable of comprehending. You must retrieve the heart of Nanda Parbat, or they will remain in their current state for all time. I have spoken. :'''Deadman''': How the heck am I supposed to do that? :'''Superman''': Is that really everything? :'''Batman''': We're done. All reports filed. :'''Wonder Woman''': Good. What you guys say we get something to eat? We hardly spend time together when we're not working. :'''Superman''': Sounds good to me. But I'm tired of commissary food. :'''Batman''': I'd like to, Diana, but I've been away from Gotham too long. :'''Superman''': Come on, Bruce. I know a burger place in Metropolis that has the best fries on the East Coast. And the milkshakes are so thick-- ''[is possessed by [[w: Deadman|Deadman]]]'' :'''Deadman''': I need your help. :'''Wonder Woman''': That's pretty thick. :'''Superman''': I'm serious. I need your help on a mission of vengeance. Now, don't be alarmed, but I'm not Superman. I'm-- :'''Batman''': A ghost, inhabiting his body. Is that you, Boston? :'''Superman''': Hi, Bats. When I'm working, people call me "Deadman." :'''Wonder Woman''': You know this... ghost? :'''Superman''': Yeah, Batman helped me solve my own murder a while back. Now I need your help again. :'''Wonder Woman''': If you hurt Superman, I'll-- :'''Superman''': Relax. He doesn't even know I'm in here. :'''Batman''': We can't see or hear him, otherwise. Once he leaves, Superman will be fine. :'''Superman''': It's like he says. :'''Batman''': Why are you still around? I thought once your murder was solved, your exile was ended. :'''Superman''': You and me both. You know how they say, "No good deed goes unpunished"? I guess I shot my mouth off to the wrong deity. :'''Wonder Woman''': What's this about? :'''Superman''': A bunch of supervillains busted into Nanda Parbat and stole a mystic totem filled with the souls of hundreds of monks. And they killed the master. :'''Wonder Woman''': Batman? :'''Superman''': He knew the master even before I did. :'''Batman''': He was one of my martial arts teachers. :'''Superman''': With all the power in this body, it'd be easy to punish the men responsible. If I could find them. :'''Batman''': That's not the master's way. Or yours. We'll find them, and we'll see that justice is done. Not vengeance. :'''Superman''': Yeah. Fun to think about, though. :'''Wonder Woman''': Let's go up to Ops and see if you can't pick the bad guys out of a photo array. You're sure that's not the magician you saw? :'''Superman''': Nope. All the rest of them are right on, though. :'''Batman''': First sign of Luthor since Shayera saw him on Blackhawk Island. What's he up to? :'''Wonder Woman''': This seems like it might be bigger than Luthor. Agent Faraday told me Devil Ray escaped from prison. And Bizarro showing up again... And all the odd teams of previously unaffiliated villains-- :'''Batman''': Whose brains have conveniently been shorting out when we questioned them. :'''Mr. Terrific''': Do you guys remember the one bit of information J'onn was able to pull out of Giganta's mind before it shut down? :'''Wonder Woman''': Grodd. Think he's put together a new secret society? :'''Batman''': Except this time he's doing a better job of keeping the secret. :'''Wonder Woman''': So how do we find them? :'''Superman''': I wish I could help. I can feel the psychic screams of the souls they stole. But I can't pinpoint a location. All I get are images of Africa. I know. A continent doesn't much narrow things down, but it's all I can... :'''Wonder Woman''': Gorilla City. He's gone back home. :'''Batman''': ''[From the Watchtower]'' Solovar, this is Batman. :'''Solovar''': What a coincidence. I was just about to call you. :'''Batman''': We wanted to give you a heads-up. We got reason to believe... ''[Solovar is shown crouching behind rubble, holding a gun. Sounds of battle]'' ...Grodd's coming your way. :'''Solovar''': You don't say! That would explain the armies of supervillains attacking the city! :'''Batman''': How bad? :'''Solovar''': They've all but taken over. They're holding the central control building. We could use some help if you have any to spare. Can't chat. Signing off? :'''Deadman''': ''[Possessing Superman]'' Gorilla City? :'''Wonder Woman''': A hidden city of talking, hyper-intelligent gorillas, with technology far beyond anything humans have developed. :'''Deadman''': No, really! :'''Wonder Woman''': You're a ghost from the Himalayas, having trouble believing this? :'''Deadman''': Point. :'''Deadman''': ''[Possessing Superman]'' You know, when they beam down on a [[Star Trek that TV show]], they never miss. :'''Wonder Woman''': We didn't miss, either. It's a force field, but it also hides the city from prying eyes. :'''Deadman''': ''[Possessing Superman]'' Looks like a job for Superman! :''[Superman grunting]'' :'''Batman''': You're wasting time! Go in as a ghost. Find the central control and shut down the shield generator. We'll follow as soon as we can. :'''Deadman''': ''[Possessing Superman]'' Yeah, okay! :''[Deadman leaves Superman's body]'' :'''Superman''': ...you have to eat them(i.e. the milkshakes at Superman's favorite burger restaurant) with a spoon! ''[looks around]'' What am I doing in Africa? :'''Deadman''': ''[Possessing Atomic Skull]'' You two, Devil Ray wants you outside right now. Go on. I'll take care of things here. You'd think the thing would be a big red button, or at least have a sign on it or something. The heck with it. :''[Atomic skull grunting]'' :'''Superman''': That's our cue. :'''Lex Luthor''': Skull! What do you think you're doing?! :'''Atomic Skull''': I gotta say, I don't have a good answer for you. :'''Tala''': It's the ghost. He's here again. But this time, I will take care of him for good. :''[Deadman screaming]'' :''[Deadman screaming]'' :'''Tala''': I cannot destroy him. :'''Gorilla Grodd''': Can you at least get him out of our hair for a bit? :'''Tala''': Yes. I banish you from this place, evil spirit. :''[Deadman grunting]'' :'''Lex Luthor''': We lost shield power for 41 seconds before the backup kicked in. We have to assume-- :'''Gorilla Grodd''': That the Justice League is here. They are headed this way. We need more time to complete our work. Then it won't matter. :'''Lex Luthor''': I'm on it. Bizarro. Superman is your best friend. Do you understand? :'''Bizarro''': Bizarro understand. Superman am friend. Bizarro must kill him. :'''Deadman''': ''[Possessing Wonder Woman]'' You killed my teacher. My friend. :'''Devil Ray''': You'll have to be more specific, lady. I've killed a lot of people. :'''Wonder Woman''': The old monk. :''[Devil Ray grunting]'' :''[Devil Ray groans]'' :'''Devil Ray''': What are you waiting for? You want revenge? Take it. :'''Wonder Woman''': No. That's not what he would have wanted. ''[angered because Deadman possessed her to fight Devil Ray]'' Next time, ask permission! :'''Gorilla Grodd''': Tala, we're ready for the heart. :'''Lex Luthor''': Good. Then all I have to do is install this mind control module, and you'll be able to project your will over the entire world. Present company excepted, of course. :'''Gorilla Grodd''': Actually, that's just what I wanted you to think. My true plans are far more grand. Tala? :'''Lex Luthor''': Some sort of genetic reconfiguration matrix? :'''Gorilla Grodd''': You show impressive intellect for a homo sapiens. Using the massive carrier wave that, thanks to you, Gorilla City's shield generator can now produce-- I'm about to send a signal that will rewrite human DNA. A devolution ray that will turn every man, woman, and child on Earth into an ape! :''[Bizarro groans]'' :''[Bizarro grunting]'' :'''Batman''': You okay? :'''Superman''': Yeah. Let's wrap this up. :'''Wonder Woman''': ''[turned into a gorilla]'' Oh, come on! :'''Lex Luthor''': ''[turned into a gorilla]'' Why am I not surprised? :'''Gorilla Grodd''': Don't bother. It's too late. :'''Superman''': ''[turned into a gorilla]'' Tell me how to stop it. :'''Gorilla Grodd''': Get us out of here, Tala. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': Is everything okay? :'''Wonder Woman''': Well, I’m sort of missing Flash’s obligatory joke about how Grodd made a monkey out of us. :'''Superman''': Just couldn’t let it go unsaid. :'''Wonder Woman''': Obligatory. :'''Deadman''': That's it, guys. Yuk it up. You saved the world, but I failed. Everyone in Nanda Parbat is gone-- forever. :'''Solovar''': We're in your debt again, Justice League. :'''Superman''': If only Luthor and Grodd hadn't gotten away. :'''Solovar''': If it's any consolation, we've picked up nearly a dozen of his super-powered cronies-- with more to come, I'm sure. :''[Devil Ray groans]'' :''[Devil Ray screaming]'' :'''Batman''': No. I didn't mean. :''[Batman grunting]'' :'''Superman''': Bruce, Deadman took over your body. It wasn't your fault. :'''Deadman''': Let me explain. He would have shot her. I didn't have a choice. :'''Rama Kushna''': Boston Brand, your actions have led to the death of another. :'''Deadman''': I'm sorry. I-- I didn't mean to-- :'''Rama Kushna''': Intentions are immaterial. You were gifted with power to be used to balance the scales of karma. Because of your actions, the scale now is unbalanced. :'''Deadman''': Unbalanced? Thanks to Devil Ray and his team, the master and all the other monks are dead. :'''Rama Kushna''': Incorrect. When the heart was shattered, the essences of the monks were set free. Even now their souls return to their rightful places. :'''The Master''': No one dies in Nanda Parbat. But the scales are unbalanced. Your work in this world is not yet done. :''[After Gorilla Grodd's plan has failed]'' :'''Lex Luthor''': Since there's only one monkey left around here, I'm assuming that the Justice League found a way to stop the carrier wave. :'''Gorilla Grodd''': There's more than one way to peel a banana. Next time- :'''Lex Luthor''': I wasn't going to do this for another couple of weeks, but seriously... ''[rises from table and draws a gun]'' Turning all of humanity into ''apes''? ''[aims weapon at Grodd]'' ''That'' was your master plan?! ''[Shoots Grodd, then turns to the other villains]'' Listen up! From now on, ''I'm'' in charge of this operation. Anybody got a problem with that? :''[No one challenges him; Tala sidles up to him]'' :'''Tala''': No problem at all... baby. ===''Patriot Act'' [3.7]=== :'''Amanda Waller''': You look well, General. The past few months have been good to you. :'''General Wade Eiling''': Mrs. Waller, due respect, this reassignment is a joke. Never thought I'd become a desk drone. :'''Amanda Waller''': I can't help you there. Langley all but scrapped Project Cadmus and insisted on your transfer. We're lucky we're not all in jail. :'''General Wade Eiling''': Look, the only mistake we made was trusting Luthor. :'''Amanda Waller''': ''Wade''. You know better than to dwell on the past. :'''[[w:General Wade Eiling|General Wade Eiling]]''': I'm talking about right now. The Justice League is still the single greatest threat to global security. :'''Amanda Waller''': I used to believe that too. But remember: we used to say the same about the Soviets. Our enemies are never as evil as we imagine... and maybe we're never quite as good. :'''General Wade Eiling''': Nuts. Don't tell me the bleeding hearts in Congress got to you. :'''Amanda Waller''': I'd eat them alive. :'''General Wade Eiling''': You would too. You've got some onions, Amanda. :'''Amanda Waller''': Then listen to me. I'm not the League's greatest fan, but their intentions are good. I ''can'' work with them. :'''General Wade Eiling''': What if you're wrong, though? Turns out the metahumans ''aren't'' on the side of the angels? We won't have any way to defend ourselves. Look what happened last year: Superman walked into Cadmus and tossed our best men like a salad. :'''Amanda Waller''': Oh, for heaven's sake. :'''General Wade Eiling''': What's to stop him from doing it again? They're all orbiting us with a space weapon, ''supposedly'' decommissioned. That's a much bigger threat than the Russians ever were. If we'd rolled over like this with the Soviet Union, given up our nukes... :'''Amanda Waller''': We'd all be living under a red flag? :'''General Wade Eiling''': Yes, ma'am, you'd better believe it. After all our work, what did Cadmus accomplish? You get a reprimand, I'm pushing pencils, and the League gets another base here on Earth, that Metro Tower. When one side loses ground and the other side gains, that isn't a truce - it's a surrender! :'''Amanda Waller''': It's a different world, General. Learn to live in it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mister Terrific''': Green Lantern, what's your status? :'''Green Lantern''': This sun's going nova any day now. It's worse than we thought. We'll have to deploy twice as many fusion dampers. :'''Mister Terrific''': You're breaking up. Say again? :'''Green Lantern''': The main point is, this is gonna take a while. :'''Mister Terrific''': Understood. We've got it covered on this end. Check in whenever you can. Watchtower out. Green Arrow, S.T.R.I.P.E., Stargirl, Vigilante and Shining Knight, meet me on the bridge. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Soldier''': ''[in General Eiling's grip]'' Don't kill me! :'''General Wade Eiling''': I wouldn't kill you, soldier. You're just doing your job. And now I'm going to do mine... <hr width="50%"/> :'''Vigilante''': Ha! The exact second the movie's over, we get a mission. Dang if that ain't lucky! :'''[[w:Shining Knight|Shining Knight]]''': I still say this [[w:Clint Eastwood|Clint Eastwood]] dishonored himself when he refused to - what was it? "Play by the rules"? :'''Vigilante''': Partner, your medieval upbringing has done left ya' unschooled in the ways of the movin' picture. :'''Shining Knight''': No, his proper duty is to his police captain. I see why they call him "[[w:Dirty Harry|dirty]]." He besmirches his order. :'''Vigilante''': Sir Justin, if you're gonna be watchin' stuff on my big TV with the 5.1 surround sound, you had best watch what you say about Mr. Clint Eastwood. :'''Mister Terrific''': Half of our resources are in deep space. We're short-handed. :'''S.T.R.I.P.E.''': Right. I'll take a real assignment over Watchtower duty any day. :'''Green Arrow''': So who's left up here with you? The Ray? :'''Mister Terrific''': He's with Vixen, checking out an explosion in the Aleutians. Flash and Supergirl aren't finished in Madagascar. :'''Green Arrow''': You're spreading us a little thin. :'''Mister Terrific''': We go where we're needed, Green Arrow. Did you second guess the Martian like this? :'''Green Arrow''': Sorry, my bad. You're the big-picture guy. :'''Mister Terrific''': I've got it all worked out. There's just this one mission in Metropolis. I need you people to fill in for Superman. :'''Stargirl''': Cool. :'''Rick Wilson''': Welcome back to the Daily Planet and Hubell's Department Stores' 87th Annual Metro Merchants Parade. I'm Rick Wilson. :'''Kaitlin O'Shaughnessy-Ruiz''': And I'm Kaitlin O'Shaughnessy-Ruiz. And who's passing the reviewing stand now but the Veterans Legion honor guard followed by the Madison High School marching band. :'''Rick Wilson''': Yes, and just look who's coming next. An old, dear friend. It's a bird. It's a plane. It's Superman. :'''Kaitlin O'Shaughnessy-Ruiz''': That's right, Rick. Superman is held by officers from the police department's 19th precinct. And next up, more heroes. Some of the brave policemen, firefighters and emergency workers who serve Metropolis every day. :'''Rick Wilson''': And riding with them, well, the actual Superman can't be here today but he sent along some of his Justice League cohorts. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shining Knight''': I'd slay the ogre Blunderbore all over again rather than put myself on display in this manner. Even though that ogre turned out to be- :'''Vigilante, Stargirl, S.T.R.I.P.E. and Green Arrow''': Morgaine le Fey. :'''S.T.R.I.P.E.''': We've all heard it. :'''Shining Knight''': ...'Tis a good story. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Stargirl''': So, what? Since we don't have superpowers it takes five of us to replace one Superman? :'''Police officer''': Excuse me. I just want to thank you Justice League guys for turning out in force. It means a lot to us. :'''Green Arrow''': Hey, we can't thank you enough. You're the real heroes. :'''Shining Knight''': It's you the people come to honor. :'''Stargirl''': Great. Now I'm petty. :'''Green Arrow''': See where it says "Heroes one and all"? That's what it's all about. The crowd doesn't care who can bench press a mountain, or shoot lasers out of their ears. :'''Old lady''': Where's Superman? :'''Man''': How come none of the good ones are here? :'''Kid #2''': I didn't come here to see some stupid cowboy! :'''Man #2''': I don't think vigilantes are good role models, especially ones with guns! :'''Woman''': I came to see Superman! <hr width="50"%/> :[''the now-superpowered General Eiling crashes the Metropolis parade''] :'''General''': General Eiling, sir. What brings you back to Cadmus? :'''General Wade Eiling''': Just came to collect something I left behind. :'''General Wade Eiling''': I want you men posted at the entrance to this wing. Nobody in or out. :'''Henchmann''': Yes, sir. :'''Dr. Anderson''': General, what are you doing? :'''General Wade Eiling''': Hello, Dr. Anderson. I left my reading glasses in the bio vault and can't seem to get back in. :'''Dr. Anderson''': That code was changed six months ago. You're not authorized. :'''General Wade Eiling''': The new code. Now. :'''Dr. Anderson''': General, no. That serum's unstable. :'''General Wade Eiling''': I read the report. :'''Dr. Anderson''': So you know about the horrible disfigurations. The test animals... :'''General Wade Eiling''': Too late now. :'''Dr. Anderson''': Shoot to kill. Now. While you still can. :'''General Wade Eiling''': Where's Superman? :'''Green Arrow''': Busy. Can I help you? :'''General Wade Eiling''': Yeah. Hold this for me! ''[hurls a cart at Green Arrow]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Stargirl''': We're taking this someplace else. Haven't you ever heard of innocent bystanders? :'''General Wade Eiling''': You ever hear of acceptable losses? You can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs. This country is halfway down the toilet because of you super-powered types. :'''Stargirl''': For the record, I don't have powers, pottymouth. It's the staff! :'''General Wade Eiling''': ''[slamming Stargirl into the ground]'' In that case, miss, then you're just another egg. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Vigilante''': You hit 'im high, I'll hit 'im low! :'''Green Arrow''': Whatever! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': You wanted Superman? Now you've got-''[Speedy and Crimson Avenger teleport in]''- The Crimson Avenger and my ex-sidekick. :'''Speedy''': Ex-''partner''. :'''Green Arrow''': Speedy, we gotta do this now? :'''General Wade Eiling''': Oooh, now I'm scared. <hr width="50%"/> :'''General Wade Eiling''': You spoiled, rich little twerp! :'''Green Arrow''': I think he means me. :'''Speedy''': Oh. For a second, I was all mad. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': You still got your quantum arrow? :'''Speedy''': Yeah, but you said... :'''Green Arrow''': This ''is'' an emergency! <hr width="50%"/> :'''General Wade Eiling''': Superman, you coward! All your men are down, and you won't even show your face! :'''Shining Knight''': He cannot hear even your bellowing, monster. As we speak, Superman rescues an entire star system a universe away. Do your worst - I'll not let you harm another. :'''General Wade Eiling''': I do what I do in service to my country. :'''Shining Knight''': Once, at the word of my lord King Arthur, I was ordered to lay waste to an entire village. I knew my king's heart could not be so unjust, so I spared them all. :'''General Wade Eiling''': Then you're a lousy soldier. :''[Eiling punches the Shining Knight in the jaw]'' :'''Shining Knight''': There it is...the creeping moral decay of the past thousand years. :''[Shining Knight swings his sword at General Eiling, who dodges easily]'' :'''Shining Knight''': Arthur ''thanked'' me, oaf! Had I been wrong, I would have handed over my sword and left the court in shame! :''[Eiling slams Shining Knight into the ground]'' :'''General Wade Eiling''': Save yourself a hospital stay and stand down. That magic armor won't help you. :'''Shining Knight''': Have at thee! :''[Shining Knight tries to punch Eiling, but is slammed into the ground again]'' :'''General Wade Eiling''': You're a relic. In this world, power is the only thing that matters. You and those other no-name heroes, you're just people. In the great scheme of things, nothing you do has the least bit of significance. ''[Shining Knight rises again, but Eiling punches him again]'' I'll waste you and a billion like you before you before I allow any power to rival America's. It's my duty. :'''Shining Knight''': You don't know what the word means! :'''General Wade Eiling''': You can't win. :'''Shining Knight''': I'll die as befits a knight, defending the weak. ''[falls to his knees]'' :'''General Wade Eiling''': Why don't you give up? :'''Shining Knight''': Why don't ''you?'' :''[General Eiling kicks Shining Knight, then lifts a car]'' :'''General Wade Eiling''': Superman and your Justice League are a threat to a safe and stable world. :''[He turns to crush Shining Knight, only to find several civilians standing protectively around him]'' :'''Old Woman''': Drop the act! You think killing Superman would make the world safe? Or killing this boy? Or us? Tell me - how many of us do you have to kill to keep us safe? :'''General Wade Eiling''': They're the ones I'm after, not you. I'm not the menace, metahumans are. Superpowered beings. :'''Boy''': ''You're'' the only one around here with superpowers. :''[After a tense silence, Eiling drops the car]'' :'''General Wade Eiling''': All right, I've become what I hate, I'll give you that. But in the long run, you'll see I was right. You'll see you need the likes of me to protect you from them! ''[bounds away across the city's buildings]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shining Knight''': Hold. ''[To old woman]'' I have yet to thank you. :'''Old Woman''': No need to thank me, son. You just get better. World still needs protectin', you know. ===''The Great Brain Robbery'' [3.8]=== :'''Lex Luthor''': Brainiac, you're in there. I can almost feel you. Abasing myself before Grodd, then running this unwieldy super-gang. It's all been worth it if I can just free the only piece of you that remains. :'''Tala''': Lex, don't talk to the rock. :'''Lex Luthor''': Stay out of this, witch. It makes no sense. The smallest scrap of Brainiac should be sufficient to reconstitute him. :'''Tala''': Don't worry, darling. I'm sure it will be... :'''Lex Luthor''': Unless Grodd is somehow preventing it. :'''Grodd''': What do you want, Luthor? :'''Lex Luthor''': How do I unlock the Brainiac code? :'''Grodd''': You're a genius, figure it out. :'''Lex Luthor''': Tell me, you leering, manipulative, knuckle dragger, or I'll... :'''Grodd''': Lex, Lex. You can't expect me to give up my only bargaining chip. What's in it for me? :'''Lex Luthor''': When this is over, I'm going to sell your body for dog meat. :'''Grodd''': It must pain you to see me like this, after what we've been to one another. :'''Tala''': My taste in boyfriends has evolved. Wait, Lex.You're the leader now. You don't need to lock horns with him. :'''Lex Luthor''': The only thing that matters now is a speck of information locked somewhere deep inside Grodd's thick skull. :'''Tala''': Yes, okay. So we break his head open and take it. :'''Doctor Polaris''': We don't think you've got what it takes to run the show. You've been acting unbalanced, holed up in that lab, talking to yourself. :'''Sinestro:''' After Grodd tried to turn the world into apes, you can imagine how seriously we take something like that. What are you going to do, make everybody bald? :'''Doctor Polaris''': Maybe it's time for younger, smarter, more aggressive leadership. :'''Lex Luthor''': Really? :'''Doctor Polaris''': Yeah. Why should any of us follow you? :'''Lex Luthor''': Because I'll show you how to make more money in one day than you've made in your entire lives. :'''Green Lantern''': Look, we know Grodd's running some kind of organized group. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash''': Just be careful with my head — it's where I keep all my one-liners. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex-in-Flash''': Beam me out of here, or I'm going to vibrate these fingers and scramble your brains. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash-in-Lex''': ''[looks in a mirror]'' Aaah, that is just wrong! <hr width=50%"/> :''[The Flash (in Lex Luthor's body) walks out of a bathroom stall.]'' :'''[[w:Doctor Polaris|Doctor Polaris]]''': Ahem. :'''Flash-in-Lex''': What? :'''Doctor Polaris''': Are you gonna wash your hands? :'''Flash-in-Lex''': No! 'Cause I'm ''evil!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash-in-Lex''': My fellow bad guys, I, Lex Luthor, your leader, will speak now about my, Lex Luthor's plan. My... villainous, villainous plan. Question the plan at your peril. Uh... Any questions? :'''Angle Man''': We all get a cut, right? :'''Flash-in-Lex''': Watch your step, my evil minion. You presume too much! One of these days, you'll go too far. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Bizarro|Bizarro]]''': ''[Raises his hand]'' Me got answer. :'''Flash-in-Lex''': Ah, excellent. Do enlighten us. :'''Bizarro''': Ever since you plug into monkey's head, you act perfectly sane and rational. Am you Bizarro mommy? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Lex-as-Flash hides in a bathroom in the Watchtower to escape the pursuing League members]'' :'''Luthor-in-Flash''': ''[Panting]'' Lex, you're having a difficult day. ''[Lex looks in the mirror]'' Hmm... If nothing else, I can at least learn the Flash's secret identity. ''[Unmasks and looks in the mirror, then frowns]'' I have no idea who this is. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Tala (comics)|Tala]]''': Just rest in here. :''[pulls "Lex" into a closet]'' :'''Flash-in-Lex''': Hey - that's not restful. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash-in-Lex''': Me, the Flash? You've, like, totally lost it, Grodd. I'm Lex Luthor! :'''Grodd''': And I'm [[w:Charlton Heston|Charlton Heston]]. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grodd''': Ah, Tala, my old groupie. I so miss bending you to my will. :'''Tala''': Go eat a banana. Lex is my man now. ''[Leaves with Lex]'' :'''Grodd''': If you say so. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash-in-Lex''': You, [[w:Evil Star|evil-head guy]]! What's your part in this plan? :'''Evil Star:''' I'm not in the plan. :'''Flash-in-Lex''': ''[pause]'' Exactly! Pop quiz! Everyone tell me his or her part in the plan. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash-in-Lex''': Lex Luthor is pleased. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex-in-Flash''': Attention! The man you think is Luthor is actually a Justice Leaguer disguised as me. Repeat: he is not Luthor. :'''Flash-in-Lex''': ...I, Lex Luthor, find that preposterous. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mr. Terrific''': Dr. Fate, your patient just anesthetized himself. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Flash''': Guys! I was starting to think I was going to go out as the bottom of a supervillain dog pile! :'''Green Lantern''': It ''sounds'' like Wally, but is there any way to be sure? :'''Flash''': You want proof? Until he went off into the Marines, GL's nickname was- :'''Green Lantern''': Stop! It's him. Man, you promised never to repeat that story! :'''Flash''': I know, I was just messing with your head. :'''[[w:Mister Terrific (comics)|Mister Terrific]]''': Well, can you tell us anything about Grodd's Secret Society? Where's the headquarters? :'''Flash''': I don't know. [[w:Legion of Doom (comics)|In a swamp?]] <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tala''': Lex? Is that really you? :'''Lex Luthor''': Of course it's me, you twit. :'''Tala''': ''[Disappointed]'' Ooh. ===''Grudge Match'' [3.9]=== :'''Roulette''': Lex, darling. I'm having some serious financial problems, and I'm afraid you're to blame. :'''Lex Luthor''': Well, don't look at me to bail you out, Roulette. I'm the one who skims you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Roulette''': You're playing with fire, witch! :'''Tala''': Who's playing? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Roulette''': The new Meta-Brawl! All girl fights, all the time! We'll call it "The Glamor Slam" or "The Belles of the Brawl"! :'''Sonar''': "Chickapalooza"! <hr width="50%"/> :[''Huntress is watching Black Canary while talking on a cell phone with The Question, who is searching a cold storage area]'' :'''Huntress''': I'm telling you Q, Canary's totally off her game. Think she's moonlighting? Maybe she's stepping out on Green Arrow... :'''The Question''': The deeper mystery here is why do you even ''care?'' Isn't this the woman who beat the snot out of you a few months back? :'''Huntress''': She got a lucky shot in! Okay, five or six lucky shots. Anyway, that's not the poin- :'''The Question''': ''[takes the lid off of a container]'' Aha! As I suspected - [[w: Baskin-Robbins|thirty-''two'' flavors]]. :'''Huntress''': There's something wrong here, Q, I can feel it. :'''The Question''': ''I'm'' the conspiracy theorist, and even ''I'' don't see anything. :'''Huntress''': ''[pauses; sighs]'' So... what are you wearing? :'''The Question''': Blue overcoat. [[w:Fedora (hat)|Fedora]]. :'''Huntress''': ''[scoffs]'' You really stink at this. :'''The Question''': ...Orange socks? :''[Huntress hangs up]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Huntress''': You sure you're okay? :'''Black Canary''': Worried? :'''Huntress''': Curious. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Roulette''': Let the pain begin! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Huntress''': They've had you up every night working the arena. No wonder you've been fighting like a girl. ''[pause]'' You know what I mean. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Roulette''': Of course, you two aren't under my control any longer, which means I'm going to have to eliminate you. In the ring, of course. Why just shoot you when I can sell tickets and lay odds? :'''Huntress''': You're scum. :'''Roulette''': No, no, my dear. I'm an entrepreneur. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Roulette''': Huntress and Black Canary versus two new contenders! Vixen, the beauty with the beast powers, and the Thanagar thrasher... Hawkgirl! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Vixen''': I don't want to hurt you, Shayera. :'''Shayera Hol''': But I wanna hurt you! :'''Vixen''': Just when we were starting to get along. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Huntress''': Looks like we're in this together. :'''Black Canary''': If you call me "girlfriend", I'm gonna dropkick you into the next county. :'''Huntress''': Now, don't go all sentimental on me. <hr width="50%"/> :[''Vixen pulls the League communicator out of Shayera's ear, freeing her from Roulette's mind control]'' :'''Shayera Hol''': I don't think I want to know... :'''Vixen''': We're in a cage match fighting to the death! :'''Shayera Hol''': Yeah, see? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Roulette''': Yes, that's really Wonder Woman, ladies and gentlemen! It is on! Can even these four beautiful bruisers stand up to the Amazon powerhouse herself? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Vixen''': Anybody got a plan? :'''Shayera Hol''': Yeah, try to stay alive. :'''Huntress''': Anybody got a good plan? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sonar''': In another thirty seconds your brains will be so scrambled I'll be able to serve 'em up with bacon. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Huntress''': Do I kill the signal or you? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Black Canary''': You know, if you want, I can talk to the League and get you back in. :'''Huntress''': Nah, I do fine on my own. :''[silence]'' :'''Black Canary''': Thank you, Helena. If you hadn't... :'''Huntress''': You would have done the same. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Huntress''': You know, I was totally whipping your butt back when they caught us. :'''Black Canary''': Pff. In your dreams! :'''Huntress''': Like I'd waste my dreams on you... ===''Far From Home'' [3.10]=== :'''Bouncing Boy''': This stinks, Brainy. I hate running from a fight. :'''Brainiac 5''': They'll never look for us here. That gives us a chance to counterattack. :'''Bouncing Boy''': Attack how? There's only the two of us left. :'''Brainiac 5''': Yes, I've been giving that problem some thought. :'''[[w:Bouncing Boy|Bouncing Boy]]''': Oh, no. I know [[w:Brainiac 5|you]]'re a level 12 mega-genius, but you are seriously out of your mind. :'''Brainiac 5''': There's no other option. All of our teammates have been captured. To save them, we'll have to break the laws of time and recruit heroes from the past. :'''Bouncing Boy''': But messing with history? That's risky, even for us. :'''Brainiac 5''': Incomplete records from the 21st century show that three members of the legendary Justice League once came to the future. My research indicates now is that time. :'''Bouncing Boy''': I did my homework too, Brainy. The histories say three heroes came to the future. :'''Brainiac 5''': But only two of them ever made it home. :'''Green Lantern''': You ready, Supergirl? :'''Supergirl''': Dude, I was born ready. That tickles. I'll take that, thanks. Whoa! So Queen Bee and Doctor Cyber? Not much of a workout. :'''Green Lantern''': Hear that, Ollie? Kara thinks it's too easy. :'''Green Arrow''': Well, we wouldn't want her to get bored. :'''Supergirl''': Aah! I hate you. Ha! :'''Green Arrow''': Some kid, huh? Today's her 21st birthday, but she'd rather be here practicing than go out with me and Dinah. :'''Superman''': Good for her. :'''Green Arrow''': Hey, at least we wanted to spend some time with her. You ever think about how she must feel? She's always an outsider. :'''Superman''': I know a little bit about that myself, Ollie. :'''Green Arrow''': Just a little. You came to Earth as a baby, grew up here. Kara spent most of her life on a planet with technology hundreds of years ahead of ours. She's gotta feel like she's trapped in the Stone Age. :'''Superman''': I've tried to make her feel at home. :'''Green Arrow''': How? Seems to me you treat her just like another cape. :'''Superman''': I was never happy about Kara going into the family business, but now that she's decided it's what she wants to do, I've tried to step back and let her develop into her own person. I didn't want her living in the shadow of being Superman's cousin. :'''Green Arrow''': This may shock you, but she's proud to be your cousin. She even changed her costume to look more like yours. :'''Superman''': Yes, and I'm very proud. But don't tell her. :'''Green Arrow''': No, that's a job for Superman. :'''Supergirl''': Well? :'''Green Lantern''': Well what? :'''Supergirl''': Aren't you gonna give me notes about all the stuff I screwed up? :'''Green Lantern''': No notes, Kara. I've got nothing left to teach you. :'''Green Arrow''': Not bad, kiddo. You set a new record for this simulation. :'''Superman''': Kara. :'''Brainiac 5''': I'm certain that this must be disorienting for you. My name is... :'''Supergirl''': ''[angrily]'' Brainiac! :'''Brainiac 5''': ''[oblivious]'' That's right, how did you... ''[realizes]'' Uh-oh! :''[Supergirl attacks him]'' :'''Brainiac 5''': Please, calm down. I'm not going to hurt you. :'''Green Arrow''': Whoa, sparky. Let's hear what he has to say. :'''[[w:Brainiac 5|Brainiac 5]]''': Thank you. Yes, I am a Brainiac, but I'm not a machine. I'm organic. The universe-conquering Brainiac you knew is my distant ancestor. Over time he learned to pass down his code biologically. I am Brainiac 5. Think of me as the black sheep of my family, dedicated to doing good to make up for my ancestor's legacy of evil. :'''Green Lantern''': And you demonstrated that by kidnapping us? :'''Bouncing Boy''': We'd have never done it if the situation wasn't so dire. :'''Green Arrow''': Where are we, anyway? :'''Brainiac 5''': Approximately 1000 years into your future, in what you'd call the 31st century. :'''Green Lantern''': Time travel, swell. :'''Bouncing Boy''': It's a real thrill for me to meet you, sir. You're the famous John Stewart, father of... :'''Green Lantern''': You wanna shut up before you create a time paradox? :'''Bouncing Boy''': Sorry. Chuck Taine. Code name: Bouncing Boy. :'''Supergirl''': Why did you bring us here? :'''Brainiac 5''': We're part of a group called the Legion of Super Heroes, a galaxy-spanning force not unlike your Justice League. A team of criminals called the Fatal Five attacked our new headquarters, captured all our teammates. :'''Bouncing Boy''': They must have something big planned to risk taking on the legion. But we can't figure what it is. :'''Brainiac 5''': We needed help, so we sent the Time Bubble to bring back some of Earth's greatest heroes. :'''Supergirl''': But why us? :'''Brainiac 5''': It... it was random, we'd have taken anyone. :'''Green Lantern''': Okay, so how can we help? :'''Supergirl''': Whoa, time out. Just because he's seriously cute, doesn't mean we can trust a Brainiac! :'''Green Arrow''': I'm not getting a bad vibe off the kid. :'''Green Lantern''': ''[to Supergirl]'' And apparently neither are you. "Seriously cute", huh? :'''Bouncing Boy''': The date we pulled her from is exactly when Supergirl vanished from the historical records. Brainy, she's going to die. We have to tell her. :'''Brainiac 5''': No. Telling her could change history. Keep quiet, Chuck. That's an order. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bouncing Boy''': You know, Brainiac, being organic and having a heart - not the same thing. :'''Green Lantern''': We're in. What's next? :'''Brainiac 5''': The lab's this way. The tech is out of date, but we should find enough-- :'''[[w:Emerald Empress|Emerald Empress]]''': A Green Lantern! That's a rare sight in this galaxy these days. :'''[[w:Persuader_(comics)|Persuader]]''': Take a good look! He won't be here long. :'''Supergirl''': ''[Fighting the Fatal Five]'' So what's your power? Super-strength? Speed? :'''Brainiac 5''': I have a 12th level intellect-- :'''Supergirl''': Great, you can knock'em out with your diploma. :'''Brainiac 5''': ''[caught by Supergirl]'' That was unnecessary. My belt protects me from any impact. :'''Supergirl''': Maybe I was just trying to cop a feel. :'''Persuader''': Empress. :'''Emerald Princess''': You'll find the Emerald Eye of Ekron more than a match for your ring. :'''Persuader''': On your feet. :'''Supergirl''': Ohh. What? :'''Brainiac 5''': You've got to free the others. Aah! :'''Emerald Princess''': Forget them. We have the Green Lantern. Let's go. :'''Green Arrow''': What's goin' on? Can you track 'em with those things? :'''Brainiac 5''': Not yet, but I've identified the technology. They're psion receptors. :'''Supergirl''': Hey, that soda machine in the lobby still works. :'''Brainiac 5''': Oh, thanks. :'''Supergirl''': Back on Argo, we used psionic technology for our remote controls. When we lost one, you just had to think at it, and it'd beep. Don't know why we bothered. They were always in the couch cushions. :'''Brainiac 5''': Good idea, but it won't work. The Fatal Five are masking the carrier wave somehow. :'''Supergirl''': ''[To Brainiac 5]'' So, I have to know. Why'd you save me first? :'''Brainiac 5''': My decision was based on pure logic. :'''Green Arrow''': Really? Because Green Lantern's the most powerful. :'''Brainiac 5''': No offense, but I don't think you can follow the reasoning of a 12th-level intellect such as my own. :'''Green Arrow''': Guess not. Hey, Kara, wanna get me one of those drinks? :'''Supergirl''': Oh, sure. :'''Green Arrow''': ''[to Brainiac 5 about Kara]'' Admit it, genius. You're in love with her. :'''Brainiac 5''': Ludicrous, we just met. Moreover, as a Coluan, I'm ruled by intellect, not emotion. :'''Green Arrow''': So in love with her. :'''Brainiac 5''': ''[stops to analyze himself]'' Increased sweat-gland production. Shortness of breath, inability to concentrate. I thought it was guilt, but I am in love. How did you know? :'''Green Arrow''': Just call me Cupid, junior. I never miss. ''[Kara comes in]'' I'm gonna raid this dump, see if I can upgrade my arrows with some future tech. I'll be gone for a long time, so you two are stuck with each other. Alone. For a long time. :'''Tharok''': You had the superior weapons and the advantage of surprise. Explain to me how you failed to capture Brainiac 5. :'''Emerald Princess''': Watch your tone, half-a-man. I'd hardly call capturing a Green Lantern a failure. He's more powerful than a dozen Brainiacs. :'''Tharok''': Perhaps, but that was never part of the plan. :'''Emerald Princess''': You have to learn to improvise, Tharok. We're better armed than ever to strike against the United Planets. After that, the universe will be ours for the taking. :'''Supergirl''': What's that? :'''Brainiac 5''': A legion flight ring. All of us have one. :'''Supergirl''': So does this mean we're going steady? :'''Brainiac 5''': Uh... :'''Supergirl''': Trust me, 1000 years ago, that joke was hilarious. :'''Brainiac 5''': I thought since I couldn't trace the control disk, maybe I could trace the missing Legionnaires' rings. But it was another dead end. :'''Supergirl''': It's a shame our Justice League comm-links don't work here. We could track Green Lantern by his transponder. Come to think of it, we still could if we had a... :'''Brainiac 5 and Supergirl''': Quantum-tunneling RF transponder. :'''Brainiac 5''': Hold that thought. :'''Green Arrow''': Yeah, this looks like it could do some damage. :'''Supergirl''': Get up here. Brainiac's found GL. :'''Brainiac 5''': His signal's coming from this ship. They're headed towards the capital of the United Planets. The Fatal Five's tried to destroy it before. :'''Green Arrow''': And now with GL and the entire legion under their control, they just might succeed. :'''Brainiac 5''': The good news is my personal cruiser runs rings around their ship. We could still beat them there. :'''Supergirl''': Then what? :'''Green Arrow''': We improvise. :'''Supergirl''': Nice ship. :'''Brainiac 5''': It's strictly no-frills, but it's fast. What do you pilot back home? :'''Supergirl''': Usually just a pickup. :'''Brainiac 5''': "A pickup"? Is that a type of star cruiser? :'''Supergirl''': ''[About the Legion Flight ring]'' What's that? :'''Brainiac 5''': The Legion Flight ring, all of us have one. ''[Hands the ring to Supergirl]'' :'''Supergirl''': So does this mean we're going steady? :'''Brainiac 5''': Eeerrr-- :'''Supergirl''': Trust me, a thousand years ago, that joke was hilarious. :'''Supergirl''': Nice ship! :'''Brainiac 5''': It's strictly no frills, but it's fast. What do you pilot back home? :'''Supergirl''': Usually just a pickup. :'''Brainiac 5''': A pickup — is that a type of Starcruiser? :'''Green Arrow''': Yes. Yes it is. :'''Brainiac 5''': We're going into orbit. :'''Supergirl''': And we've got company. You guys get aboard that mothership and shut down the control devices. :'''Green Arrow''': What are you gonna do? :'''Supergirl''': Hold off John and the legion until you snap them back to normal. :'''Brainiac 5''': You won't stand a chance against them. :'''Supergirl''': Maybe, but I'm the only one who does stand a chance of protecting the capital. :'''Brainiac 5''': You can't go because I lo-- Because I lied to you. Kara, I don't even know you, but-- history says you never returned from this battle. :'''Supergirl''': What? :'''Green Arrow''': And you knew that all along? :'''Brainiac 5''': I'm sorry. I had hoped it wouldn't come to this. I wanted to spare her. :'''Supergirl''': There's still a planet full of people down there who need our help. Do your job, and I'm gonna do mine. :'''Brainiac 5''': But-- ''[Supergirl kisses him]'' :'''Supergirl''': In case I don't see you again. :'''Green Arrow''': Hey, genius? Hi. How about puttin' that big brain of yours to work on a plan to get us aboard the mothership? :'''Brainiac 5''': I'll get us in. :'''Green Arrow''': I love the direct approach. :'''Brainiac 5''': The rest of the mission won't be so easy. Let's move. :'''Supergirl''': You can do this, Kara. No biggie, just another practice mission. Ha! Aah! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Breaking into the Fatal Five's HQ]'' :'''Brainiac 5''': Shoot. :'''Green Arrow''': I know. I was hoping they'd be out looking for us. :'''Brainiac 5''': No, shoot! ''[Green Arrow shoots an arrow at the Fatal Five catches Brainiac 5 in mid-air]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Arrow''': Shoot. I know. I was hoping they'd be out looking for us. :'''Brainiac 5''': No. shoot. :'''Emerald Princess''': Obliterate them. :'''Green Arrow''': Okay, big guy, that's as far as you go. :'''Tharok''': You can't stop Validus with that toy. :'''Green Arrow''': Rusty, I got him right where I want him. :'''Tharok''': No! :'''Supergirl''': John, stop! Fight it. :'''Green Lantern''': Kara. I knew what I was doing, but I couldn't stop. :'''Phantom Girl''': Where are we? :'''Bouncing Boy''': Last thing I remember was... Oh, no. :'''Green Arrow''': Just so you know, the sharp part's on the other end, chief. :'''Persuader''': Believe me, that's coming. :'''Brainiac 5''': Aah! :'''Emerald Princess''': Tear him to bits. Slowly. :'''Phantom Girl''': We wanted to say thanks by making you honorary legionnaires. :'''Green Lantern''': It's very nice, but I already have a ring. :'''Bouncing Boy''': Don't worry about it, GL. You can't keep it anyway. If you took it home, the future technology could pollute the time stream. :'''Supergirl''': I'm keeping mine. I'm not going back. Kara? History says Supergirl never returned from this mission because she decided to stay in the future. :'''Superman''': Whatever abducted them didn't leave any energy signature. Maybe Dr. Fate or Zatanna? Where's Kara? :'''Green Lantern''': She asked us to give you this. :'''Supergirl''': Tell Ma and Pa I love them. And I love you too, Clark. Don't take this the wrong way, but I've found a place where I can make a difference. Where I'm more than just Superman's kid cousin. I... I feel I belong here. Also, I met this boy. :'''Green Arrow''': You should have seen her. She was amazing. :'''Green Lantern''': She's a grown woman now, capable of choosing-- :'''Superman''': Kara's headstrong, but she's always made good decisions. I trust her judgment. But you were right, Ollie. I wish I had told her. :'''Green Arrow''': It's okay, Clark. She knows. :'''Superman''': Now, this boy Kara likes so much, does he have a name? :''[nervous looks from Green Lantern and Green Arrow]'' ===''Ancient History'' [3.11]=== :'''[[w:Gentleman Ghost|Gentleman Ghost]]''': I like it. Very imaginative. But your ring is useless against me, Lantern. :'''Green Lantern''': Then why are you running from it? :''[Gentleman Ghost groans]'' :'''Gentleman Ghost''': Mind the ion drive. That's delicate equipment. :''[Green Lantern grunts]'' :'''Green Lantern''': Right, I took you lightly. I won't make that mistake again. :'''Gentleman Ghost''': I think you might. :''[Green Lantern screaming]'' :''[Green Lantern groans]'' :'''Gentleman Ghost''': If I were to give you another chance, I mean. :''[Gentleman Ghost grunting]'' :'''Hawkman''': He's all yours, GL. The Nth metal in this net-- :'''Green Lantern''': Has properties that interfere with dimensional shifting. I know. :'''Gentleman Ghost''': Next time, Green Lantern, I'll do you proper. :'''Green Lantern''': Quiet down in there. :''[Gentleman Ghost grunting]'' :''[Gentleman Ghost groans]'' :'''Hawkman''': I fought our Gentleman Ghost before. These intangible types can be tricky. :'''Green Lantern''': Uh-huh. :'''Hawkman''': But he didn't stand a chance against the two of us. :'''Green Lantern''': Look, Hawkman, I appreciate the help. Let's leave it at that. :'''Hawkman''': Well, give Shayera my regards. :''[Shayera Hol grunting]'' :'''Vixen''': You might wanna ease up a bit there. Most guys don't really go for the ripped, bulky look. :'''Shayera Hol''': Just trying to maintain my girlish figure. My girlish, girlish figure. And why does it always have to be about the guys, anyway? :'''Vixen''': Honey, it's always about the guys. And since I'll be away on that photo shoot for a week-- :'''Shayera Hol''': Here we go. :'''Vixen''': Well, I’m surprised you haven’t made your move before now. :'''Shayera Hol''': I'm still trying to figure out the right Earth protocol for this situation. It's not like I can assassinate you in your sleep, or poison your water... I miss Thanagar. <hr width="50%"/> :'''[[w:Shadow Thief|Shadow Thief]]''': For decades their ever-growing empire was a utopia. But nothing lasts forever. At least, nothing good. <hr width="50%"/> :''[after Ashari cuts a flower off of a tree with a knife]'' :'''Chay-Ara''': You didn't have to do that. I can fly. :'''Bashari''': When we're together, so can I. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hawkman''': You always were good with that thing. :'''Shayera Hol''': Just hit him! :'''Hawkman''': Right! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': Don't say you don't love me. :'''Green Lantern''': I'll never say that. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shayera Hol''': Tell me about my son. ===''Alive!'' [3.12]=== :''[At the Legion of Doom's base, Lex Luthor is attempting to reactivate the sole piece of Brainiac. Tala enters approaches him as the computer room is overloading] :'''Tala''': Lex! Stop it! You'll blow us all to pieces! :'''Lex Luthor''': Not now, Woman! Something's happening... It's... [but the stone's energy overloads and destroys the machine, failing to recreated Brainiac] it's... just one more steaming flop! ''[screams in anger and wrecks the control panels with his hands]'' :'''Tala''': Baby... :'''Lex Luthor''': Nothing works! ''[continues wrecking the tools]'' :'''Tala''': Lex, forget bringing back Brainiac. :'''Lex Luthor''': I don't need input from some crystal-gazing parasite! One who's confused a winch's grip on power with the real thing! :'''Tala''': ''[takes the stone]'' This is the real trouble-maker for us. It's pure wild goose chase. Look, I will prove it. I will show you what is in there. :'''Lex Luthor''': Don't be stupid. ''[takes the stone]'' This is science. What good is your sorcery? Unless you plan to turn stone into gold? Or maybe a frog? :'''Tala''': Such ignorance. Transmutation is what you want to do! :'''Lex Luthor''': Transmutation is...''[pauses]'' what are you waiting for? Do it! ''[hands the stone to her]'' :'''Tala''': Okay! :'''Lex Luthor''': Okay! :'''Tala''': ''[performing her Transmutation Sorcery]'' By the slaughter of the innocent, by pestilence and plague, reveal the hidden unto me. ''[she uses her powers to view the stone's origins. She finds nothing]'' There, you see? Just a rock. A worthless piece of... ''[she sees something from it]'' oh. :'''Lex Luthor''': What? :'''Tala''': It's not important. :'''Lex Luthor''': Show me! :''[she uses her magic to give Luthor a vision of the past, when the Brainiac Asteroid was destroyed]'' :'''Brainiac Computer Voice''': Critical system failure in three seconds. Two seconds. One second. ''[the asteroid explodes. Tala, almost unable to keep up with the image, screams as the vision nearly fades]'' :'''Lex Luthor''': No! Keep the image! ''[Tala struggles until Luthor sees enough]'' There is still Brainiac in the universe. :'''Tala''': There is no way to tell where it happened. :'''Lex Luthor''': Wrong. I saw enough of those stars to determine the explosion's coordinates. It should be a simple matter. :'''Tala''': You saw the wild goose again. Concentrate on us, baby. Space is too far. Together, we can rule this world. ''[Luthor pushes her aside]'' Oh! :'''Lex Luthor''': If you like this world so much, keep your fool mouth shut. Then maybe I'll let you keep it. Me? I'm going to be a god again. ''[sometime later, the Society members make changes in their headquarters]'' Speed it up! Sinestro, don't forget the floor. I want radiation shielding from every direction. Rampage... ''[interrupted when Bizarro has trouble with his work]'' ''[annoyed]'' Help Bizarro. ''[to Weather Wizard]'' Don't distort the metal, moron! :'''Weather Wizard''': I don't even know why we're doing this. :''[Luthor pins him next to the hot molten metal in the wall]'' :'''Lex Luthor''': Killer Frost, if Weather Wizard here doesn't shape up, I'm holding you accountable. :'''Killer Frost''': Whatever. :'''Lex Luthor''': Structural integrity is crucial. :'''Killer Frost''': Okay, got it. Jeez. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grodd''': Why is my headquarters moving? Hey, What's going on?! ''[no answer]'' I demand to know what's going on! :'''Tala''': Quiet, Grodd! :'''Grodd''': You! Come to gloat at me again? I'm not some monkey in a zoo, throwing- :'''Tala''': ''[Shushes him]'' Listen, I've been very, ''very'' bad. I picked the wrong pony. It should have been you. :'''Grodd''': Ooh, you've finally sussed it out. That hairless sweetheart of yours isn't a leader. He's a thug. :'''Tala''': And how! I don't like to compete for Lex with a dead computer. I want you to be the man in charge, like before. So, baby, ''[strokes him seductively]'' what do ''you'' want? :'''Grodd''': Why, only you, my dear. And Luthor's fat head on a plate! ''[Tala smiles]'' :''[the Society members are in their working places as Toyman is navigating]'' :'''Atomic Skull''': That's one Mother of a laser show. :'''Lex Luthor''': Toyman? :'''Toyman''': We should be reaching the Brainiac Remnants soon. By the way, thank you for making me your navigator, Luthor. I've aways loved learning a new controller. :'''Lex Luthor''': Just keep us on course. The slightest error and we're dead. :''[suddenly, Grodd breaks through with a laser cannon]'' :'''Grodd''': I wouldn't worry about it, neanderthal. The way I see it, You're dead either way. ''[Approaches Luthor along with the villains who follow him]'' I'd like to complete this transaction with as little blood shed as possible, Lex. Now, put your hands up and have Toyman turn us around. :''Tala'': Don't look at him, big boy. Grodd is leader. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Giganta grabs Grodd]'' :'''Grodd''': Giganta, you're out of jail! How's your head? :'''Giganta''': Pretty good, considering you tried to '''''fry my brain'''''! ''[begins to squeeze Grodd]'' :'''Tala''': Don't get grabby, Thunderthighs! Grodd is ''mine'' now! ''[Blasts Giganta]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Killer Frost''': ''[Prepares to freeze Toyman]'' One creep-cicle coming up! ''[Toyman headbutts her and runs away]'' You are ''so'' annoying! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tala''': Trapped like a rat. It's very weird. You have never had so much fun when we were together. [''Tala fires a magic spell at Luthor, but it bounces back and knocks her unconscious. He pulls an amulet from under his shirt''] :'''Lex Luthor''': You wouldn't ''believe'' what this cost me. :''[scene shifts to Toyman, who is walking the stair with a deadly Yo-Yo in his hand as Killer Frost approaches him surfing in a ice wave]'' :'''Toyman''': Around the world... [''wipes Frost's ice construct with his Yo-yo, knocking her in the ground''] Rock the crater... ''[Frost creates an ice wall to protect herself, but Toyman uses his yo-yo to break it through and knock her unconscious]'' Sleeper. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grodd''': Give up, Lex! You're only delaying the inevitable. :'''Lex Luthor''': You're right. :'''Grodd''': ''[shoots a blast of his gun at Luthor, who deflects with his gloves]'' If it's all the same to you, I'd rather snap your neck with my bare hands. ''[Luthor tries to attack him, but Grodd counters and singlehandedly beats him up again and again]'' You know, this mutiny was easy. The Secret Society hates you. :'''Lex Luthor''': Like they ''love'' you! ''[runs towards Grodd, who knocks him away with a kick]'' Idiotic simian. Half-baked objectivist. :'''Grodd''': ''[grabs Luthor]'' You're ill-equipped to lead, Lex. :'''Lex Luthor''': ''[choking]'' A lower primate masquerading as an intellectual. :'''Grodd''': I'm the more accomplished, both physically and mentally. ''[uses telepathy on Luthor, who overrides it with his power-belt and puts Grodd under his control]'' :'''Lex Luthor''': Took you long enough. I was beginning to think I'd figured you wrong. Now bow down to me. ''[Grodd struggles not to, but does so]'' Who is master here? :'''Grodd''': ''[weakly]'' You... are... :'''Lex Luthor''': Get up. ''[Grodd obeys]'' Take six steps forward. ''[Grodd does so and opens the door in front of him]'' Get in. ''[Grodd does so again and Luthor closes the door and deactivates his power-belt]'' :'''Grodd''': ''[trying to break through the door in anger]'' I should have let you rot in jail! :'''Lex Luthor''': Goodbye, Grodd. It could have gone the other way. :'''Grodd''': It really could have, couldn't it? :'''Lex Luthor''': No... But why speak ill of the dead? ''[punches a button and opens airlock]'' :'''Grodd''': You twisted little pink rat-hole of a hominid, I'm not done with you! I'll get out of this, and when I do...! :''[Grodd is sucked out of his headquarters to his death]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Lex Luthor's team has beaten Grodd's rebels]'' :'''Lex Luthor''': Can ''any'' of you give me one good reason to let you live? ''[Killer Frost steps forward from the rebels, then freezes her comrades without a word]'' Killer Frost... you've got a future. Get rid of the rest. :'''Killer Frost''': You got it. :'''Toyman''': We're here. :''[the headquarters reaches Brainiac's coordinates]'' :'''Tala''': ''[To Luthor]'' Darling, Grodd must have used mind-control!... Okay, maybe not. But baby, you don't ever doubt that I love you, correct? I-, I-, I know I did something bad, I'm a sick person. You don't know what it's like to be me. :'''Lex Luthor''': Don't be afraid, darling. You still have a big role in my plan. In fact... I can't do this without you. ''[Volcana knocks Tala out, then, she wakes up being used as a mystical conduit to reassemble Brainiac.]'' I used to think magic was unknowable, unpredictable, and not to be trusted. You've taught me so much, Tala. Even my wealth of scientific knowledge would never have been up to this task. You will be the mystic conduit that will siphon Brainiac's essence from the debris. I'll be able to reconstitute him from that energy. But I doubt you'll see it. :'''Tala''': You planned this all along! Even before I-- :'''Lex Luthor''': I'm a sick person too. :'''Toyman''': Luthor, the collection panels are in place. :'''Tala''': ''[panicked]'' Lex! Please! I beg you! :'''Lex Luthor''': Hold that thought. ''[to Toyman]'' Do it. ''[Toyman is about to obey, but time stops]'' I said do it! :'''[[w:Metron (character)|Metron]]''': ''[appearing behind Luthor]'' He cannot hear you, Lex Luthor. Time has stopped. We exist between two ticks of the clock. In my travels through the myriad paths of infinity, I have seen the first and the last. But what you do today threatens the entire universe. Past, Present and Future. :'''Lex Luthor''': I should hope it does. Look, I didn't catch the name. :'''Metron''': Metron. Scientist and chronicler. :'''Lex Luthor''': Well, Metron, I'll soon be ready for anything the universe can throw at me. I'm about to become a god. :'''Metron''': You don't know what a god is. Or what you are unleashing. :'''Lex Luthor''': "Tampering with forces beyond my ken", and so forth? Nice try. Look, if you want my power, make your move, otherwise you can get lost. :'''Metron''': You will regret your decision. We all will. ''[Metron disappears as time turns back to normal]'' :'''Toyman''': Twinkle, twinkle, [[w:Brainiac (comics)|Brainiac]], Tala's gonna bring you back! ''[activates the machine]'' :'''Tala''': ''[last words]'' Lex! Lex! Lex! :'''Lex Luthor''': Brainiac! I'm coming! ''[the machine drains Tala's energy until it creates a mysterious figure which appears with the smoke]'' People, meet your new lord and master! :''[He becomes shocked as, instead of Brainiac, the figure is revealed to be [[Darkseid]], who is now fused with Brainiac and given a new look]'' :'''Darkseid''': It seems I have you to thank for my resurrection. Though your world will suffer slowly, I grant you a quick death. :''[Darkseid uses his power to destroy the base. Scene shifts to Apokolips, where factions of the Apokoliptans are having a civil war]'' :'''Stick''': That rodent, Vundabar, thinks he can rule Apokolips in Darkseid's stead. We'll be the ones who deliver his pestilent corpse to Granny Goodness. ''[the two sides begin the battle, but before they can, Darkseid emerges and all bow to him]'' Welcome home, oh, mighty Darkseid. :'''Darkseid''': Arise, my children. Let this meaningless battle for control end today. :'''Sting''': Of course, my Lord. We had thought ourselves bereft forever. :'''Darkseid''': Only the slimmest of chances has allowed me to overcome my death at the hands of Superman. But let the universe howl in despair, for I have returned! ''[The Apokoliptan armies cheer triumphantly]'' :'''Stick''': What is your will, my lord? :'''Darkseid''': As ever, to search for the Anti-Life Equation, that I might bring order to this aimless universe. But first, Superman must suffer for killing me. His adopted world will die screaming. Only then will I seek the ultimate end. :'''Kanto''': Forgive me, lord, but to attack Earth would violate your pact with Highfather. New Genesis would doubtless retaliate. :'''Darkseid''': ''[smiles]'' Where do you think I'm going next? :''[scene shifts to the Watchtower as a Watchtower employee runs desperately into the room where Superman and the League are]'' :'''Employee''': Superman! You better get outside quick! :''[The League goes outside and confronts Luthor and the remaining members of the Legion of Doom]'' :'''Lex Luthor''': We have a little problem... ===''Destroyer'' [3.13]=== :'''Superman''': Let's say, just for the sake of argument, that I believe a single word of your story. How did you survive the explosion? :'''Lex Luthor''': By the skin of my teeth. But stranded more than a power ring's charge from home, we found ourselves dependent on the kindness of strangers. A resident of the nearby planet, New Genesis, drawn by our ship's explosion, offered his help. We accepted, of course. :'''Superman''': You've got some nerve coming to us for help. :'''Lex Luthor''': Darkseid took Brainiac away from me. I can't hear his voice in my head anymore! :'''Giganta''': Enough of the crazy talk, Lex. Darkseid said he was coming to Earth to destroy it. You guys are supposed to keep that from happening. :'''Green Lantern''': We'll do just that, lady. Thanks for the heads up. :'''Atomic Skull''': And what about us? :'''Wonder Woman''': You're all going into holding cells. :'''Atomic Skull''': You think so? Ain't no way we're giving up without a... :'''Mr. Terrific''': Watchtower to Metro Tower. We've got a situation. :'''Superman''': What's going on up there? :'''Mister Terrific''': Multiple hyperspatial incursions. But they're planetside. I'm sending telemetry. :'''Batman''': Boom tubes. :'''Superman''': He's right. Can you hear it? Like thunder. :'''Mister Terrific''': Attention all Justice League personnel, this is an omega-level threat. :'''Blue Devil''': Get to the Javelins. :'''Shayera-Hol''': No time. All members prepare for emergency teleport. Send us first. Give the others a chance to get their pants on. :'''Mr. Terrific''': You got it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': Okay, let's get these people locked up. Sounds like we've got a fight on our hands. :'''Giganta''': If you think you're locking us up while the whole world's under attack, you've got ''two'' fights on your hands. :'''Batman''': She's got a point. We'll need all the bodies we can throw at this. :'''Superman''': Oh, come on! It's Lex flippin' Luthor! Why should we trust him?! :'''[[w:Atomic Skull|Atomic Skull]]''': Hey, it's our world too! :'''Lex Luthor''': Let's be clear about this. We're not here to help you save the world. You're here to help me get revenge on Darkseid. When this is over, it's back to business as usual. :'''Superman''': ''[glares at Lex]'' Wouldn't have it any other way. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Batman''': Search through the telemetry on the attack groups; find the best-protected mother ship. That's where Darkseid will be. :'''Superman''': And that's where I want to go. :'''Mr. Terrific''': I imagine so— it's in Metropolis, hovering over the Daily Planet. Stand by. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex Luthor''': Was there a plan here? :'''Batman''': Take out the small fries until we attract the big fish's attention. :'''Lex Luthor''': Ha! With everything going on, I bet he never notices us! :[''[[w:Darkseid|Darkseid]] appears''] :'''Batman''': You're on. :'''Superman''': I'll take some of that action. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Darkseid''': I hope you appreciate, Kal-El, that everything that happens from this point is on your head. The skies will rain fire, the oceans will boil, the streets will run red with the blood of billions. Only then, after your last pitiful hope is extinguished, will I end your life. Let's go. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex Luthor''': You destroyed Brainiac! I'm gonna make you pay! :'''Darkseid''': Unlikely. ''[blows Luthor away]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Darkseid''': I'm more powerful than I've ever been, and the last time we met, you barely managed to hold your own. :'''Superman''': Funny. That's not how I remember it. :'''Darkseid''': Allow me to refresh your memory. ''[Darkseid picks up the Daily Planet globe and uses it to slam Superman through every floor of the building]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Green Lantern''': We gotta find a way to take this out for good! :'''Flash''': Why don't you just throw it into the sun? ''[pauses and stares at Green Lantern]'' Yeah, I guess that's a pretty stupid idea. :'''Green Lantern''': No, maybe you're on to something. But I'll need more leverage. And a trench! :'''Flash''': On it! ''[he runs around and around in a circle, creating a trench around the drill]'' Now what? ''[Green Lantern creates a catapult with his ring]'' Aw, cool! ''[Green Lantern flings the drill]'' :'''Green Lantern''': Doesn't look like it ''quite'' made escape velocity. ''[The drill hits a ship, which explodes]'' :'''Flash''': Good effort, though. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Darkseid''': Don't leave us yet, Kal-El. I want you to see your adopted homeworld bow down before me. Only then will I allow you death's sweet release. Agh! Parademons. Dispose of these annoyances. :'''Superman''': 'Scuse me. :'''Darkseid''': Flea. ''[Batman dodges Darkseid's Omega Beam and it hits a Parademon]'' Impressive. No one has ever avoided my Omega Beam. I wonder if the other one is as agile. ''[Powers up his Omega Beams; Lex Luthor runs away]'' Excellent strategy. :'''Superman''': Luthor! :'''Darkseid''': You friends have abandoned you, or fallen before my might. Super or otherwise, you're merely a man. And I, am a god. You still try to fight. Can't you see that it's hopeless? :'''Superman''': That man won't quit as long as he can still draw a breath. None of my teammates will. Me? I've got a different problem. I feel like I live in a world made of, cardboard. Always taking constant care not to break something, to break someone. Never allowing myself to lose control. Even for a moment, or someone could die. But you can take it, can't you, big man? What we have here is a rare opportunity for me to cut loose. And show you just how powerful I really am. Had enough? :'''Darkseid''': Not quite yet. It's called the Agony Matrix. Direct neural stimulation of pain receptors. All of them. Imagine the worst pain you've ever felt in your life. Times a thousand. Now imagine that pain continuing. Forever. Oh, that's right. You don't have to imagine. Still alive? You impress me, Kryptonian. More... Your valor has touched my heart. Oh yes. There is still some small part of me that knows mercy. I will end your pain... with something special I've been saving for just this occasion. ''[Darkseid draws a [[W:Kryptonite|Kryptonite]] knife]'' I'm going to carve out your heart and put it on a pike in my throne room. :''[Lex Luthor appears in a business suit]'' :'''Lex Luthor''': As much as I'd enjoy seeing that, first you've got some business with me. Sorry it took me so long. I had to go get my power-suit. :'''Darkseid''': You would dare challenge me? Insanity! :'''Lex Luthor''': Oh, I'm not here to challenge you, Darkseid. Quite the contrary. I've got something you want. The only thing you want. :''[Luthor holds up his hand, revealing a dazzling shard of energy]'' :'''Darkseid''': ''[astonished]'' The Anti-Life Equation! :'''Lex Luthor''': My gift to you. :'''Superman''': Lex, don't! :'''Batman''': It's too late. :'''Darkseid''': It's beautiful, isn't it? :'''Lex Luthor''': Yes, yes it is. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': Get away from here! It's not safe! :'''Elderly Chinese Man''': Don't worry. I'm here to help. :'''Wonder Woman''': I appreciate your inten- ''[Sees the old man easily defeating Parademons]'' Hera! ''[The man suddenly changes into a Chinese dragon, defeating more Parademons. He then changes again, becoming the Martian Manhunter.]'' J'onn! ''[hugs him]'' :'''Martian Manhunter''': Good to see you, Diana. I've got a lot to tell you about. :'''Wonder Woman''': We'll catch up later. :'''Martian Manhunter''': Wouldn't miss it. First things first... :''[The team flies off towards one of Darkseid's magma towers]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex Luthor''': Problem? :'''Batman''': I'm out. :'''Lex Luthor''': ''[holds up his gun]'' Take my extra. :'''Batman''': Not my style. :'''Lex Luthor:''' Suit yourself. I'm planning to live through this. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lex Luthor''': You! Metron! You knew this was going to happen! :'''[[W:Metron (comics)|Metron]]''': This outcome ''was'' the most likely possible result of your foolhardy actions. :'''Lex Luthor''': You can help me! I ''demand'' that you help me! :'''Metron''': You are in no position to make demands of anyone. I warned you that you were dabbling in forces beyond your comprehension. :'''Lex Luthor''': You'd be surprised what I can comprehend! For instance, if you know so much about Darkseid, I'll wager you know how to beat him! :'''Metron''': There is one possibility. One thing in all the universe that ''might''... but no. The risk... :'''Lex Luthor''': I know a little something about risk myself. ''[aims his pistol at Metron]'' Care for an object lesson? :'''Metron''': Very well. I will take you where you want to go. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Darkseid''': You still try to fight. Can't you see that it's hopeless? :'''Superman''': ''[Pins Darkseid against a wall]'' Batman won't quit so long as he can draw breath. ''None'' of my teammates will. Me? I've got a ''different'' problem. ''[Punches Darkseid through the wall]'' '''I feel like I live in a world made of ''cardboard''. ''Always'' taking care not to break something, to break some''one''. ''Never'' allowing myself to lose control, even for a moment, or someone could die.''' ''[Punches Darkseid again]'' But you can take it, can't you, big man? What we have here is a rare opportunity for me to ''cut loose'', and show you '''''just how powerful I really am'''''. ''[Punches Darkseid across the city with a single blow]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Metron''': Behold the [[w:Source Wall|Source Wall]]. Beyond it is the single greatest secret of the universe. This is as far as I dare to go. I warn you one final time: only a 12th level intellect has the slightest hope of surviving what you are about to experience. :'''Lex Luthor''': Then I'm overqualified. <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Lex Luthor and Darkseid vanish through the Anti-Life Equation]'' :'''Sroya Bashir''': This has been the scene all over the world. In the wake of Darkseid's defeat, his attacking forces have withdrawn presumably back to wherever it is they came from. :'''Superman''': Thanks to Luthor, of all people. :'''Martian Manhunter''': In many ways, Lex Luthor represents the worst of what mankind has to offer. :'''Superman''': But he died saving us all. :'''Batman''': I doubt that either of them died. :'''Superman''': But we saw it this time! :'''Flash''': You saw it last time too. :'''Green Lantern''': What's that old saying? "Believe half of what you see..." :'''Shayera Hol''': "...and none of what you hear." They'll be back. :'''Martian Manhunter''': And we'll be ready for them. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wonder Woman''': Meanwhile, it's past time that Luthor's partners in crime were locked up. :'''Atomic Skull''': Wait a minute – we help you guys save the world, and we don't even get any consideration? :''[Batman looks at Superman, who shrugs]'' :'''Batman''': You're right. Five-minute head start. :'''Atomic Skull''': Five minutes? Are you kidding?! :'''Wonder Woman''': Four minutes, fifty seconds. :''[The villains promptly flee; Giganta gives the surprised Flash a kiss on the cheek before joining the others]'' :'''Giganta''': Mwah. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Last lines of the series]'' :'''Martian Manhunter''': ''[on the cell phone to his wife]'' I should be back in time to dinner. I love you too. :'''Flash''': These are the end times. :'''Superman''': ''[to Batman]'' A head start? You're getting soft in your old age. :'''Batman''': ''[smiling]'' Don't you have a tall building to go leap? :'''Wonder Woman''': And the adventure continues. ''[The entire Justice League runs down the stairs, chasing the villains, each of the Justice League is split into sections, ending with the originals and Batman's emblem filling the screen]'' ==External links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:2000s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:American sequel TV shows]] [[Category:Animated Batman TV shows]] [[Category:Animated Justice League TV shows]] [[Category:Animated Superman TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated science fantasy TV shows]] [[Category:American children's animated superhero TV shows]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Cartoon Network shows]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Crime TV shows]] [[Category:Animated television programs based on DC Comics]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:Television series by Warner Bros. Animation]] duhg5ecqcqf980be69dyvpy3ng5bm3e 0 206365 3778527 3381226 2025-07-14T12:36:49Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Architects]]; added [[Category:Architects from Italy]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778527 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:James Rivière|James Rivière]]''' (born [[7 December]], [[1949]]) is an italian contemporary [[w:Italy|Italian]] [[w:Contemporary |contemporary ]] [[w:architect|architect]], [[w:sculptor|sculptor]], and jewelry designer. == Quotes == * I liked drawing and I had a passion for sculpture, after all goldsmithing is nothing but a miniature sculpture. ** ''[http://www.ilgiornale.it/news/bottega-vaticano-i-gioielli-papa.html Dalla bottega al Vaticano con i gioielli per il Papa]'', ''ilgiornale.it'', Marta Bravi, Thursday 12 February 2009. * I started with an idea that I had in mind and then I looked for the right technique to make it happen. ** ''[http://www.ilgiornale.it/news/bottega-vaticano-i-gioielli-papa.html Dalla bottega al Vaticano con i gioielli per il Papa]'', ''ilgiornale.it'', Marta Bravi, Thursday 12 February 2009. * After three years spent in a small goldsmith factory, I had nothing left to learn. A colleague who was looking for a new job as goldsmith, tells me: look I went to a small shop, figured that they do not even use the electric drill, but they make holes with bows, like the primitives. I understood that this was the place for me. ** [[Marta Bravi]] in : [s.n.] (2009). "[http://www.ilgiornale.it/news/bottega-vaticano-i-gioielli-papa.html Dalla bottega al Vaticano con i gioielli per il Papa]" in ''ilgiornale.it'' == Quotes about James Rivière == * His jewels are Martian Things ** [[Marta Bravi]] in : [s.n.] (2009). "[http://www.ilgiornale.it/news/bottega-vaticano-i-gioielli-papa.html Dalla bottega al Vaticano con i gioielli per il Papa]" in ''ilgiornale.it'' == External links == {{wikipedia}} [http://collections.vam.ac.uk/search/?listing_type=imagetext&offset=0&limit=30&narrow=1&extrasearch=&q=Rivi%C3%A8re%2C+James&commit=Search&quality=0&objectnamesearch=&placesearch=&after=&before=&namesearch=&materialsearch=&mnsearch=&locationsearch= James Rivière, Victoria and Albert Museum of London, governed by a Board of Trustees appointed by the Prime Minister of United Kingdom] {{DEFAULTSORT:Rivière, James}} [[Category:Designers]] [[Category:Architects from Italy]] [[Category:Painters from Italy]] [[Category:Vegetarians]] [[Category:Sculptors]] [[Category:1949 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:People from Paris]] [[Category:People from Milan]] [[pt:James Rivière]] nzbcbc5omvvbvapshi5twfn08jztad2 0 207623 3778915 3769956 2025-07-14T22:40:26Z 2600:4040:13FC:3300:E8A1:9546:A98D:64CE 3778915 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''{{w|Teen Titans Go! To the Movies}}''''' is a 2018 American animated superhero comedy film based on the television series ''[[w:Teen Titans Go! (TV series)|Teen Titans Go!]]'', which is based on the DC Comics superhero team of the same name and produced by Warner Bros. Animation. == Robin == * Titans, why are you guys doing that to Superman? He is a national treasure! * This is the Teen Titans. Can anyone hear us? We think we found a way back. == Dialogue == :'''Superman''': Problem is you guys are never actually doing anything heroic. :'''Cyborg''': Man, Please! That ain't true! What about that time we discovered that sweet diner? And they had that food! :''[The other Titans shout in agreement]'' :'''Starfire''': Oh yes! That was most delicious! :'''Superman''': That wasn't even a crime, and you didn't save anything! :'''Cyborg''': ''[aside to Raven]'' This guy thinks we didn't save anything. WE SAVED ROOM FOR DESSERT! <hr width="50%"> :'''Stan Lee''': Hey, everybody! Look at me! I'm Stan Lee, doing my subtle cameo. ''[strikes a series of poses with his name behind him]'' :'''Stan Lee's Assistant''': ''[appears]'' Mr. Stan. ''[whispers into his ear, then walks off]'' :'''Stan Lee''': This is a DC movie?! Oh, geez. I gotta get outta here! ''[runs away]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Batman and Superman fight]'' :'''Batman''': What's your mother's name? :'''Superman''': Martha. :'''Batman''': My mommy's name is Martha too. :''[They hug]'' :'''Batman''': Wait, what's your father's name? :'''Superman''': Jonathan? :'''Batman''': Mine's Thomas! :''[They continue fighting]'' <hr width="50%"> :''[Poor video signal]'' :'''Beast Boy''': Is it working? :'''Cyborg''': Almost got it... :'''Starfire''': Hurry! There is not much time! :'''Raven''': They need to know we're still here. :''[Signal improves]'' :'''Cyborg''': Booyah! We're transmitting! :'''Robin''': This is the [[w:Teen Titans (TV series)|Teen Titans]]. Can anyone hear us? We think we've found a way back. == Cast == * [[w:Greg Cipes|Greg Cipes]] — [[w:Beast Boy|Beast Boy]] * [[w:Scott Menville|Scott Menville]] — [[w:Dick Grayson|Robin]] * [[w:Khary Payton|Khary Payton]] — [[w:Cyborg (DC Comics)|Cyborg]] * [[w:Tara Strong|Tara Strong]] — [[w:Raven (DC Comics)|Raven]] * [[Hynden Walch]] — [[w:Starfire (Teen Titans)|Starfire]] * [[Will Arnett]] — [[w:Deathstroke|Slade]] ** [[Kristen Bell]] — Jade Wilson * [[w:Eric Bauza|Eric Bauza]] — [[w:Aquaman|Aquaman]] * [[Patton Oswalt]] — [[w:Atom (Ray Palmer)|Atom]] * [[w:Michael Bolton|Michael Bolton]] — Tiger * [[Nicolas Cage]] — [[w:Superman|Superman]] * [[w:Meredith Salenger|Meredith Salenger]] — [[w:Supergirl (Kara Zor-El)|Supergirl]] == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{DC Comics animated films}} [[Category:2018 animated films]] [[Category:2010s American animated films]] [[Category:American flash animated films]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy films]] [[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]] [[Category:American children's animated musical films]] [[Category:American children's animated superhero films]] [[Category:Theatrically released animated superhero films]] [[Category:Films based on animated television series]] [[Category:Animated films about friendship]] [[Category:Teen Titans films]] [[Category:Films set on fictional planets]] [[Category:Animated buddy films]] 2crj769u1tgmsh36r55fu3hbgmc5ays 0 208145 3778813 3775037 2025-07-14T19:30:22Z 2A00:23C8:A180:6201:5C26:865C:DDDC:75CF /* A Charmed Life [3.9] */ 3778813 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Seasons:''' [[Babar (season 1)|1]] [[Babar (season 2)|2]] [[Babar (season 3)|3]] [[Babar (season 4)|4]] [[Babar (season 5)|5]] [[Babar (season 6)|6]] | [[Babar: The Movie]] / [[Babar: King of the Elephants|King of the Elephants]] | [[Babar (TV series)|Main]] ---- The following is a list of quotes from the third season of ''[[Babar (TV Series)|Babar]]''. ===Special Delivery [3.1]=== :'''Babar''': I remember when we first brought baby Isabelle home. :'''Celeste''': Oh yes, and our three darling children wanted to know if the hospital had a return policy! <hr width=50%/> : :Alexander: Come on, Isabelle, you don't want to nap. Let's play trucks. Vroom! :[Isabelle giggling] :Alexander: Demolition Derby! :What do you say? :[Isabelle gurgling] :Alexander: Let go, will ya. :Oh, Isabelle! Whoa! :[Loud crash] :[Isabelle crying] Waaah! Ahh! Ahh! :Celeste: Good gracious! :Alexander: Don't worry, i'm okay. I was-- :Celeste: Oh, poor baby. :Is my little sweetheart okay? :Alexander: Well, maybe a slight concussion, or two. :Babar: You scared the daylights out of her, Alexander. :Alexander: But i was only trying to play with her. She almost ripped my trunk off. :Celeste: My poor little thing. :[Isabelle whimpering] <hr width=50%/> :'''Pom''': Father, Mother, Flora's run away from home! :'''Babar''': What? :Celeste: Oh, Flora! :Cornelius: My tuks, in that storm? :[thunderstorm] :[Isabelle crying] Waaaah!!! :Alexander: Who else but Isabelle could even wreck a good thunderstorm. :Babar: I've got to find her. :Celeste: Hurry, Babar! :Cornelius: I'll call out the guards. :Celeste: Find her! :Flora: Gnnnnn! Agh! [screaming] AHHH!!! :[thunderstorm] :Babar: Flora! Flora! :_____________________ :'''Alexander''': Just like a sister to take the easy way out, and leave us with the diaper monster!<hr width=50%/> :'''Celeste''': Whatever could have happened to the diapers? They should've been delivered hours ago. :'''Flora''': I sent them away. :'''Babar''': You did WHAT?! :'''Celeste''': Flora! We need those diapers for Isabelle right now! I'll have to call them back. :'''Babar''': And I'll get Isabelle. ''[turns to Flora]'' I'll talk to you later, young lady! :Coming, sweetheart! :[Flora sobbing] :_________________________ :Flora: And I'm never coming back. <hr width=50%/> :'''Alexander''': Keep looking, Pom. :'''Pom''': It's no use. Everybody wants dogs, cats, canaries, but no babies. :'''Alexander''': You mean, nobody wants somebody else's trouble. :'''Babar''': Pom! Alexander! :'''Alexander''': Hide the paper. Dad's coming! :'''Babar''': So what are you two up to now? :'''Pom and Alexander''': Nothing, Father! ===The Celesteville Enquirer [3.2]=== :'''Celeste:''' I know you're not feeling well, Isabelle, dear, But you must have something to eat. :'''Isabelle:''' Hmph! No! [Throws a bowl of porridge and lands on Celeste's head] [Isabelle cries] :'''Alexander:''' New look for Queen Celeste? :'''Babar:''' Dear citizens of Celesteville... :'''Mr. Elephant:''' No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. :'''Babar:''' No? Well, how about... "Dearest citizens of Celesteville"? Uh, no, that doesn't see enough. :'''Mr. Elephant:''' No, no, no. This will never do. [pulls down Babar's pants] Never, never, never. [takes Babar's pants] :'''Alexander:''' King Babar takes a short break. :'''Cornelius:''' Ahh... Ohh, there's nothing like a warm bath to make you feel like a brand new pachyderm. [humming] [Pompadour scream] :'''Cornelius:''' Pompadour, what's wrong? :'''Pompadour:''' This! :'''Cornelius:''' "Celesteville Enquirer: the inside story on palace life"? [chuckling] Isn't that cute? But isn't that... but how... who, what, when, where, why? Why, why?! :'''Cornelius and Pompadour:''' YOUR MAJESTY!!! <hr width=50%/> :'''Flora''': Look at the pictures I took the other day, father. :'''Babar''': These are very good, Flora. I think you show a great deal of talent. :'''Flora''': Thank you, father. I've decided that's what I'm gonna be when I grow up: A newspaper-picture-taker photographer lady! :'''Babar''': You mean a photojournalist. :'''Flora''': Yeah! That sounds even better <hr width=50%/> :'''Cornelius''': Babar would never allow Flora to publish those pictures. It would be deadly for the king's public image. I mean, uh... I was in the bathtub, Popmadour, with my toy boats.... and my... my duckie... :'''Pompadour''': My sentiments exactly, Cornelius. It would be very dangerous to undermine the people's confidence in their king. But at least you weren't made to look silly as I was. The people will think I have no... no... table manners! <hr width=50%/> :'''Babar''': I love those royal boxer shorts you made for me, but I don't want the whole kingdom to see them. :'''Celeste''': Oh, Babar. I'll bet you'd look cute! ===To Tell Or Not to Tell [3.3]=== :''[The boys survey the wrecked kitchen]'' :'''Alexander''': Mice? :'''Pom''': Water buffaloes! <hr width=50%/> :'''Babar''': You can't throw this away, Celeste. It's the Celesteville national anthem I wrote when I was first crowned king. "Oh, Celesteville, home of elephants. Tusks, trunks and gray, the place for me to stay. Hey, hey, hey!" :'''Celeste''': "Tusks, trunks and gray"? Oh, Babar... ''[chuckles]'' :'''Babar''': Well, it sounded better way back then... <hr width=50%/> :'''Pom''': You shouldn't have given (Isabelle) your candy bar! :'''Alexander''': How did I know she'd end up wearing it? ===Witches Potion [3.4]=== :''[After Alexander saves the witch's cat]'' :'''Witch (Winifred)''': ''[to Alexander]'' You say your sister is sick? What's wrong with her? :'''Alexander''': She was out there with us today and she got bitten by a snake. :'''Witch (Winifred)''': What kind of snake was it? :'''Alexander''': A purple night shadow. :'''Witch (Winifred)''': ''[gets shocked and horrified of this revelation; such as her cat]'' Come on! We haven't much time! ''[runs off to her house as Alexander follows her]'' I'll need some things from the house! ===Fathers and Sons [3.5]=== :'''Babar''': It's not whether you win or lose... :'''Alexander''': ...It's how you play the game. I know. I just wish we could play the game well enough to win. Just once! <hr width=50%/> :'''Alexander''': My dad's better then your dad! :'''Victor''': My dad's a billion times better then your dad! :'''Alexander''': Yeah? Well, my dad is two hundred and seventy-three kabillion times better then your dad, and twice on Sundays! ===Uncle Arthur and the Pirates [3.6]=== :'''Celeste''': It's always exciting having Arthur back in town. :'''Babar''': "Exciting" is an understatement, Celeste. ===My Dinner With Rataxes [3.7]=== :'''Rataxes''': Mirror, Mirror, on the wall, who's the suavest of them all? :'''Basil''': ''[off-screen]'' Your Rhiness. :'''Rataxes''': Bingo! :'''Basil''': Here's the hero you hollered for, your rhiness. It certainly looks heavenly. :'''Rataxes''': Forget it, Basil. This morsel is all mine! :'''Basil''': But my belly is baron, boss. I've missed breakfast and brunch. Haven't you heard the rule: "Share and share alike"? :'''Rataxes''': Yes I have, Basil. And I make it a rule never to share what I like. :'''Lady Rataxes''': ''[off-screen]'' '''''RATAXES!''''' :'''Rataxes''': Oh my gosh! It's Lady Rataxes! If she catches me snacking, I'm done for. :'''Basil''': Quick, in here! ''[opens mouth]'' :''[Rataxes shoves morsel in Basil's mouth]'' :'''Lady Rataxes''': You've been snacking again, haven't you? <hr width=50%/> :'''Basil''': I found it, your rhiness! A document detailing the diverse detours within those darn dark dungeon depths! :'''Lady Rataxes''': ''[to Babar and Celeste]'' He found the map. <hr width=50%/> :'''Victor''': Prepare to Enter the Dungeon. :'''Alexander''': This is a dungeon? :'''Victor''': ''[off-screen]'' Mom went and had it redecorated. But there used to be a lot of pain and suffering down here. :'''Pom''': ''[off-screen]'' Hey. That's the Celesteville Cup. ''[on-screen]'' Father's been looking all over for that. :'''Victor''': Dad and Basil won that when they clobbered the cycling team of King Babar and your Uncle Arthur. :'''Flora, Alexander and Pom''': ''[in unison]'' That's not how we heard it. :'''Victor''': And this is when my dad beat your dad at the tennis finals. And this is when he out-tiddlied your dad ''[off-screen]'' in the Tiddly-Winks Tournament. Ya see this? ''[on-screen]'' This is the football my dad used to score the winning touchdown against your dad. :'''Flora''': This is all very nice, Victor, but your dad couldn't beat our dad in a million years. :'''Victor''': The Quarterback drops back, he looks deep, then unloads the long bomb to Rataxes! :'''Alexander''': ''[off-screen]''The play is picked up by Babar! ''[on-screen]'' He charges for the goal line... :'''Pom and Flora''': Ahh! ''[crashes into the wall]'' :'''Alexander''': Touchdown! <hr width=50%/> :'''Babar''': Nice working with you, Rataxes. :'''Rataxes''': I couldn't agree more, Babar. :'''Babar''': Who knows? This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship. :'''Babar and Rataxes''': Nah! <hr width=50%/> :'''Rataxes''': You know, it's a good thing you signed that peace treaty when you did. You elephants would never have survived a full-fledged rhino attack! :'''Babar''': I believe you. I'm barely surviving dinner. ===The Coin [3.8]=== :'''Rataxes''': All I want is...to be '''king''' of Celesteville! <hr width=50%/> :'''Babar''': Rataxes is going to ask for my crown, my kingdom... <hr width=50%/> :'''Pompadour''': ''[about Rataxes]'' He's, he's... unreasonable! :'''Babar''': That's an understatement. <hr width=50%/> :'''Basil''': Bow down to Rataxes. King of Rhinoland '''and''' Celesteville! ===A Charmed Life [3.9]=== :'''Celeste''': The king and queen are at home. :'''Babar''': They are now. <hr width=50%/> :'''Babar''': Since when are you a trash collector? :'''Pompadour''': "Trash collector"? We are sanitation engineers! :'''Cornelius''': We just got promoted! <hr width=50%/> :'''Babar:''' Questions, questions, questions. Everybody wants answers. Where? When? How? What? [picks a trinket] How curious. Looks like some sort of charm. :'''Gypsy Bear''': (off-screen) Problems, Your Majesty? :'''Babar''': Huh? [The gypsy bear stirs his spoon on his cauldron on fire] Where did you come from? :'''Gypsy Bear''': Oh, here and there. What's bothering you? :'''Babar''': (sighs) The king's supposed to have all the answers. I think I've run out of answers. [spins a trinket in his trunk] :'''Gypsy Bear''': It must be difficult having so many people depend on you, but then, I'm sure you wouldn't have it any other way. :'''Babar''': Oh, wouldn't I? A carefree gypsy life like yours wouldn't be hard to take. No responsibilities, no decisions to have to make. [throws a trinket up in the air] Day after day after day. :'''Gypsy Bear''': True, but think of all the good you do for so many. :'''Babar''': But as much as I do, there's something else that needs doing. (sighs) Oh, if I could just wish it all away. :'''Gypsy Bear''': Be careful what you wish, Your Majesty. It might come true. :'''Babar''': (chuckles) If only it were that easy. I'd just close my eyes... :'''Gypsy Bear''': Be careful. :'''Babar''': And wish that I never was the king of Celesteville. ===A Tale of Two Siblings [3.10]=== ===The Unsalted Sea Serpent [3.11]=== :'''Alexander''': Victor's not feeling very well. I think he's seasick. :'''Pom''': He can't be seasick. We're on a lake! :'''Alexander''': Okay, okay. So he's lakesick, alright? <hr width=50%/> :'''Babar''': Ah, there's nothing like the open sea. Right, Pom? :'''Pom''': Right, father. But this is a lake, not the sea. :'''Babar''': Oh, yes. Well, that's even better. Ah, the open lake! Doesn't sound quite the same, does it? :'''Pom''': ''[chuckles]'' No, it doesn't! ===Ghost for a Day [3.12]=== :'''Pompadour''': How can we let his majesty deliver that speech? The way he's been acting, he'll probably do it in his pajamas! <hr width=50%/> :'''Babar''': I know I've been acting crazy, but maybe our lives have become a little crazy lately. :'''Pompadour''': But, sire, it's simply the faster pace of progress! :'''Babar''': Precisely. And the faster life moves, the faster it can pass us by. I just think we should slow down once in a while, to be with family and friends. :'''Cornelius''': Now that's real progress, Babar. The sanest thing I've heard in a while. Why, it sounds like something the old king might have said. :'''Babar''': Yes, Cornelius. I can almost hear him say those exact words. ===Boys Will Be Boys [3.13]=== :'''Babar''': I'd never thought I'd see the day when I'd be thanking you, Rataxes. <hr width=50%/> :'''Rataxes''': If I always had to lose to someone, I'm glad it was you. :'''Babar''': Thanks, Rataxes. You were a worthy opponant; Always kept me on my toes. <hr width=50%/> :'''Babar''': ...And so, Rataxes actually saved our lives. :'''Arthur''': He must have been sick or something! _____________________ Arthur: Hey! Look at his. Remember this? Zephir: Yeah. You put that there, Arthur. Babar: Oh, yes, i remember. It's one of those traps you set in case someone else tried to find our treasure. [Zephir laughs] Ha ha ha! All those silly traps. Ha! None of them ever worked. [Babar, Arthur & Zephir screaming] AHHHH!!! Arthur: You were saying, Zephir? :'''Zephir''': Let me be the first to congratulate you, Arthur. Thanks to your ingenuity, we're stuck up here until somebody finds us! :[Babar & Zephir] Just like the old days. ==External links== {{wikipedia|Babar (TV series)}} [[Category:Babar seasons|3]] p7uy7hpqcllf4wq3qeqmfaxw2pf1gpx 0 208827 3778494 3732100 2025-07-14T12:25:37Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Architects]]; added [[Category:Architects from France]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778494 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Philibert Delorme (Jacquand & Leclerc) 1.jpg|thumb|{{center/s}}Philibert Delorme portrait<br />({{w|Claudius Jacquand}} &<br />[[w:Sébastien Leclerc (1637–1714)|Sébastien Leclerc]]){{center/e}}]] '''{{w|Philibert de l'Orme}}''' (3-9 June 1514 – 8 January 1570) was a French architect and writer, and one of the great masters of the French Renaissance. His surname is also written '''De l'Orme''', '''de L'Orme''', or '''Delorme'''. == Quotes == * Fortunate indeed is the man who has found wisdom and who is full of that discretion which is better than all the acquiring, trafficking, and possession of gold and silver. ... I dwell (so says Wisdom) in good and salutary counsel, and am present at learned and wise cogitations. Therefore must a man seek this Wisdom and, having found it, take care to hold it well, that in its time and place it may be of help to him. The ensuing representation will set before your eyes the treatise which I have propounded. ** ''Livre d'architecture'' as quoted by Edward Fenton, "Messer Philibert Delorme" ''The Metropolitan Museum of Art Bulletin'' Vol. 13, No. 4, Dec., 1954 [[File:Chateausaintmaur.jpg|thumb|{{center/s}}Château de Saint-Maur,<br />architect: Philibert de l'Orme{{center/e}}]] * Have I not also done a great service in having brought into France the fashion of good building, done away with barbarous manners, and great gaping joints in masonry, shown to all how one should observe the measures of architecture, and made the best workmen of the day, as they admit themselves? Let people recollect how they built when I began [[w:Saint-Maur-des-Fossés#Château de Saint-Maur|Saint-Maur]] for my lord the [[w:Jean du Bellay|Cardinal du Bellay]] ...Moreover, let it be recollected that all I have ever done has been found to be very good and to give great contentment to all. ** ''Livre d'architecture'' as quoted by Edward Fenton, "Messer Philibert Delorme" ''The Metropolitan Museum of Art Bulletin'' Vol. 13, No. 4, Dec., 1954 == Quotes about de l'Orme == [[File:Château d'Anet - Anet - Eure-et-Loir - France - Mérimée PA00096955 (52).jpg|thumb|{{center/s}}Château d'Anet{{center/e}}]] * [T]he work by two sixteenth century masters of [[w:Stereotomy (descriptive geometry)|stereotomic]] architecture – the Spanish architect {{w|Andrés de Vandelvira}} (1505-1575) and the French architect Philibert De l’Orme (1515-1570) – is paradigmatic. Their cut-stone vaults and domes are an expression of the quest for the formal identification and definition of construction elements in keeping with the technical know-how and aesthetic canons of stereotomy. A comparison of two of their works is particularly interesting: the dome of the chapel of Salvador at Úbeda by Andrés de Vandelvira, built between 1536 and 1542, and the dome of the [[w:Château d'Anet|chapel at Anet]] by Philibert De l’Orme, built between 1548 and 1553. ...[T]he figurative solution adopted by De l’Orme... On a technical level, the juxtaposition of the decorative and the construction pattern is not casual, but geometrically controlled in order to optimise the production of the {{w|voussoir}}s by reducing to a minimum the number of “panneaux” needed to cut them. The system of ribbing, conceived according to the logic of this production process, is commensurate with the “metre” used in the wall assemblage and is consequently segmented in strict relation to the shape and dimension of the curved surface of the voussoirs that define the [[w:Dome#Terminology|intrado]]s of the dome. ** Francesco Defilippis, 'Architecture and Stereotomy. The Relation Between the “Construction Apparatus” and the "Decorative Apparatus" of the Cut-Stone Vaults and Domes of Philibert de l’Orme and Andrés de Vandelvira' (2006) Second International Congress on Construction History, Queens' College, Cambridge University (April 2, 2006) ''Proceedings of the Second International Congress on Construction History'' (CSHA) Vol. 1, ISBN 987-1-329-15030-0, [https://www.arct.cam.ac.uk/Downloads/ichs/vol-1-951-968-defilippis.pdf pp. 951-968.]<!-- http://www.constructionhistorysociety.org/proceedings/ --> * ''Philibert de l'Orme'' 1518-77. If [[w:Pierre Lescot|Lescot]] and [[w:Jean Bullant|Bullant]] were at least as much decorators as builders, Philibert de l'Orme was less an architect than an engineer; construction and not decoration was the important thing to him. The works he designed as an artist he usually executed as a builder. ** {{w|Emilia Dilke}} (''lady'' Dilke, Emilia Frances Strong Pattison) ''Renaissance of art in France'' (1879) 1:143-69. Report, Vol. 81, New York State Library [https://books.google.com/books?id=jk5JAQAAMAAJ&pg=PA231 p. 231.] * On January 8, I570, Philibert Delorme died in his canon's house of Notre-Dame. He had played a considerable part in the life of his times, he had written an immense book, and he had designed some of the most notable buildings in France. In his own opinion he had simply re-established architecture in France. ...There are two woodcuts at the conclusion of Philibert Delorme's ''Livre d'architecture''. One shows a figure without eyes and hands moving aimlessly across a Gothic landscape. Behind him stands a medieval castle with its moat and turrets, a cloudburst filling the sky above it. This is his concept of the Bad Architect. The other is a scene of classic architecture, fruitful vines, and playing fountains. The sky is serene, and in the ordered court stands the Good Architect, triple-eyed and double-handed, presenting a roll of plans to a willing workman. ...Could it have been a sketch for a self-portrait that Messer Philibert Delorme was setting before our eyes? ** Edward Fenton, "Messer Philibert Delorme" ''The Metropolitan Museum of Art Bulletin'' Vol. 13, No. 4, Dec., 1954, p. 158. * A paper was read by the Rev. [[w:Robert Willis (engineer)|Professor Willis]], "On the system followed by the Architects of the middle ages in the construction of their Vaults." The principles of vaulting and the mode of setting out the arch-stones were first laid down in the well-known treatise of Philibert de l'Orme; but it is evident that his predecessors, the architects who practised the Gothic style, must have been in possession of a geometrical system, though it was probably very simple, as compared with the complicated problems of P. de l'Orme. To investigate the system of the Gothic architects by a close observation of their works, was the subject of Professor Willis's paper. The mode of construction adopted by the Gothic architects in their vaulting, differs widely from that of classical architecture, both ancient and modern, inasmuch as, in the latter, the vaults are formed of regular courses of cut stone; whereas Gothic vaultings consist of a series of ribs, each rib constituting a separate and independent arch, the interstices filled in with lighter materials to complete the vault. In the early Norman work of our English edifices, these vaultings are often very rude and irregular, and the several arches so far from coinciding, that it is requisite to fill up the backs of the ribs to a considerable extent, in order to level the intermediate [[w:Spandrel|spandril]]s. Yet, even in vaults like these, some geometrical system must have been necessary. The change of style in the architecture of the thirteenth century, necessitated a more careful construction, since the rib mouldings became more numerous and complicated, as the capitals from which they sprung were diminished in their capacity to receive them. This difficulty was met by the construction of a stool of solid masonry in level courses from the springing up to the point where the ribs spread sufficiently to disengage the mouldings from each other, and then they are carried over separately, and filled in as before. The mode in which the difficulties arising from the various levels at which it was sometimes necessary to spring the ribs in Gothic vaultings of this period—as, for example, in raising the lateral arches of the vaults of a church to make room for the clerestory windows, producing a great variety of curvatures in the same vaulting, all to be reconciled in the filling in, were illustrated by diagrams, without the aid of which it is useless to pursue the details. With regard to the curvature of the diagonal ribs, they were never projected according to the modern practice, to which may be attributed the want of character which marks most of the imitations of Gothic vaulting. Actual measurement has proved the diagonals of early Gothic vaulting to be arcs of circles, the centres being below the springing of the cross ribs, and the problem called by Philibert de l'Orme the "''troisp oints perdus''," was probably that upon which they were laid down: and it may be observed, that both the classical and the Gothic systems of vaulting were in operation in different parts of Europe at the same time and that P. de l'Orme must have had the opportunity of being acquainted with both. The introduction of the four-centered arch simplified the vaulting in one respect, by bringing the centres of all the curves to a uniform level; but the effect of vaulting in this form is consequently extremely flat and poor, compared with the lightness and freedom of that in the earlier period. New complexity, however, had arisen with the introduction of cross lines from one main rib to another. These short ribs meet upon bosses, worked together with a portion of the divergent ribs, in solid stone; but the principle of setting up the ribs and filling in is still followed, notwithstanding the complicated form of the framework. These intricate patterns, which form a link between the simple early groins and the last phase of Gothic vaulting in fan-tracery, exhibit various degrees of success in the design, dependent upon the skill of the architect. In most of the vaults of this description, the centre compartments fall into the shape of a star. In some examples, this form has been clearly laid down on the plan, but is lost in the execution, through the distortion occasioned by the dip of the ribs or other causes; while in other instances it is unexpectedly brought out by combinations evincing consummate ingenuity and knowledge of the resources of geometry and perspective. In fan-vaulting we return to real masonry, the ribs and panels being carved out of stones fitted together. Complicated as this mode of construction may be, it is less so in reality than in appearance, being greatly simplified by uniform curvatures, and uniform levels in the springings; and the system of setting out the stones seems to have been so well understood, that it is found to be invariably the same throughout all our great fan-vaults. This system Professor Willis explained to be dependent upon certain horizontal beds on the uppermost surfaces of the intersecting stones, which it would be impossible to render intelligible without the models to which his observations referred. ** ''The Metropolitan Magazine'' (May, 1841) Vol. 31, [https://books.google.com/books?id=IMARAAAAYAAJ&pg=RA1-PA125 pp. 125-126,] Saunders and Otley, "Learned Societies, Institute of British Architects" July 5. * French architects and engineers in the 16th, 17th, and 18th centuries occupied themselves a good deal with roofs with curved ribs, and two systems of constructing the rib were worked out. In the most modern of them, that invented by Colonel Emy, the ribs were constructed of a series of thicknesses of bent timber, one on the back of another, and held together by bolts. In the older system that of Philibert de l'Orme, the ribs were also built up, but the pieces composing them are placed side by side, and either form a polygon approaching a semicircle or are cut to bring them to a curve.&nbsp;[[File:Bourse de commerce, Halle au blé (ancienne) - Vue d'ensemble en cours de construction - Paris 01 - Médiathèque de l'architecture et du patrimoine - APMH00012727.jpg|thumb|{{center/s}}Bourse de commerce<br />(dome of the Paris Corn Market){{center/e}}]]In fact, the ribs are very much such as... used for the great [[w:Bourse de commerce (Paris)|dome of the Paris Corn Market]]. There is, however, a great difference between a dome—the strongest of all forms—and one permitting the introduction of as many rings of ties as may be desired; and a roof over an ordinary oblong space, where no such binding together is admissible, and where straight rafters may have to be used, which loads the rib at certain points only. In the latter case, a good many precautions have, generally speaking, to be taken to prevent the rib from being unequally loaded, and so either spreading or losing its shape in some other way. The rib made of unbent timber, side by side, on De l'Orme's plan, is admitted to be stronger than the one made of bent timbers laid one on the back of the other; but both have been largely used, and good examples of both may be met with... ** B. Priestley Shires, "Domestic Architecture: England under the Edwards" (May 29, 1885) ''The Illustrated Carpenter and Builder'', Vol. 16-17, " [https://books.google.com/books?id=0NdKAQAAMAAJ&pg=PA355 p. 355.] * Mr. G. Rennie said, he believed that few, if any, examples of oblique bridges existed in England prior to those which had been mentioned, and the extreme obliquity of Mr. Storey's bridge rendered it very interesting; such bridges had long been constructed in Italy, and in France. Vasari mentioned an oblique bridge over the Mugnone near Florence, erected in 1530. In a curious old work intituled "L'Architecture des Voutes," [a treatise on [[w:Stereotomy (descriptive geometry)|stereotomy]]] par [[w:François Derand|Derand]], (folio, 1645) diagrams were given of the oblique, as well as of almost every other kind of arch. Philibert de L'Orme, and subsequent French architects, seemed also to have been fond of [[w:Skew arch|oblique arch]]es. Nicholson, who was quoted by Mr. Buck as having first explained the method of constructing the oblique arch must, Mr. Rennie conceived, have seen Derand's work. ** John Storey, No. 685. "Description of an Oblique Bridge over the River Gaunless on the Hagger Leases Branch Railway Durham" (1845) ''Minutes of Proceedings of the Institution of Civil Engineers'', Vol. IV, Session 1845, ed., Charles Manby, [https://books.google.com/books?id=tBMFAAAAQAAJ&pg=PA60 pp. 60-61.] * [Catharine] Randall, ''Building Codes'', argues that Philibert de l'Orme was, if not a Calvanist, someone with a 'strongly evangelical stance and perhaps Calvanist sympathies'... Such Calvinist sympathies, according to Randall, are detectable in his 'stylistic idiosyncracies', which compose 'the architectural vocabulary of the late Calvinist architects',... his use (like Calvin) of the biblical text as a 'textual template for his building activity in general',... in his creation of a Protestant architectural genealogy... etc. No direct evidence exists, however, to support claims that De l'Orme was anything but Catholic—he was, after all, a priest (diocese of Lyons) and later canon (Potié, ''Philibert De l'Orme'', 23). As Andrew Spicer notes, in his review of Randall's book, 'much of [her] evidence would seem to be circumstantial, and there are problems in equating the terms "evangelical" with "crypto-" or "proto-" Calvinist (''Catholic Historical Review'', 89/1 (2003), 106). I do not propose to resolve this debate here... ** Phillip John Usher, ''Epic Arts in Renaissance France'' (2014) p. 183, footnote 123. * If the use of iron in building does not enable us to exceed these dimensions at a decidedly less cost, then indeed we are inferior to our ancestors. In fact the great builders of the Middle Ages, like those of the Renaissance, were eminently men of subtle, active, and inventive intellect. I say inventive intellect, for that is the ruling characteristic of the works bequeathed to us by those old builders. It is apparent in the structure of our mediaeval buildings, and only ceases to manifest itself when the material becomes inadequate. It is apparent in the attempts of the Renaissance; for apart from the superficial imitation of classic forms which the architects of the latter period affected, they did not adhere to this imitation in the construction of their buildings and in the methods they employed. Without reference to the buildings of that epoch, we may find the proof of this fact in the written works of several of those architects, such as [[Albrecht Dürer|Albert Dürer]], [[w:Sebastiano Serlio|Serlio]], Philibert de l'Orme, etc. On every page of their writings we find some original idea, or new adaptation; and as in the case of their predecessors, their ingenuity is circumscribed only by the inadequacy of their materials. ** {{w|Eugène Viollet-le-Duc}}, ''Lectures on Architecture'' (1881) Vol. 2, [https://books.google.com/books?id=lGpTAAAAMAAJ&pg=PA86 pp. 86-87.] == See also == [[Architecture]] == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{Commons category|Philibert Delorme}} * ''Nouvelles inventions pour bien bastir'' [http://gallica.bnf.fr/ark:/12148/btv1b8609517b/f5.image.r=.langEN (1561)] Gallica. * ''Le premier tome de l'architecture'': ** [http://www.e-rara.ch/doi/10.3931/e-rara-15161 (1567)] Library of the University of Bern. ** [http://gallica.bnf.fr/ark:/12148/btv1b2100075t.r=.langEN (1567-illustrations)] Gallica. ** [https://archive.org/stream/gri_33125013924192#page/n4/mode/1up (1568)] Internet Archive. ** [https://archive.org/stream/architecturedeph00lorm#page/n6/mode/1up (1626)] Internet Archive, includes [https://archive.org/stream/architecturedeph00lorm#page/n13/mode/1up de l'Orme's portrait engraving] & ''Invention pour bien bastir'' {{DEFAULTSORT:Lorme, Philibert De}} [[Category:Architects from France]] [[Category:Sculptors]] [[Category:1514 births]] [[Category:1570 deaths]] [[Category:People from Lyon]] 1gy8cghjvhydn4y0aq9s25mq7ssvkf3 3778495 3778494 2025-07-14T12:25:44Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Sculptors]]; added [[Category:Sculptors from France]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778495 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Philibert Delorme (Jacquand & Leclerc) 1.jpg|thumb|{{center/s}}Philibert Delorme portrait<br />({{w|Claudius Jacquand}} &<br />[[w:Sébastien Leclerc (1637–1714)|Sébastien Leclerc]]){{center/e}}]] '''{{w|Philibert de l'Orme}}''' (3-9 June 1514 – 8 January 1570) was a French architect and writer, and one of the great masters of the French Renaissance. His surname is also written '''De l'Orme''', '''de L'Orme''', or '''Delorme'''. == Quotes == * Fortunate indeed is the man who has found wisdom and who is full of that discretion which is better than all the acquiring, trafficking, and possession of gold and silver. ... I dwell (so says Wisdom) in good and salutary counsel, and am present at learned and wise cogitations. Therefore must a man seek this Wisdom and, having found it, take care to hold it well, that in its time and place it may be of help to him. The ensuing representation will set before your eyes the treatise which I have propounded. ** ''Livre d'architecture'' as quoted by Edward Fenton, "Messer Philibert Delorme" ''The Metropolitan Museum of Art Bulletin'' Vol. 13, No. 4, Dec., 1954 [[File:Chateausaintmaur.jpg|thumb|{{center/s}}Château de Saint-Maur,<br />architect: Philibert de l'Orme{{center/e}}]] * Have I not also done a great service in having brought into France the fashion of good building, done away with barbarous manners, and great gaping joints in masonry, shown to all how one should observe the measures of architecture, and made the best workmen of the day, as they admit themselves? Let people recollect how they built when I began [[w:Saint-Maur-des-Fossés#Château de Saint-Maur|Saint-Maur]] for my lord the [[w:Jean du Bellay|Cardinal du Bellay]] ...Moreover, let it be recollected that all I have ever done has been found to be very good and to give great contentment to all. ** ''Livre d'architecture'' as quoted by Edward Fenton, "Messer Philibert Delorme" ''The Metropolitan Museum of Art Bulletin'' Vol. 13, No. 4, Dec., 1954 == Quotes about de l'Orme == [[File:Château d'Anet - Anet - Eure-et-Loir - France - Mérimée PA00096955 (52).jpg|thumb|{{center/s}}Château d'Anet{{center/e}}]] * [T]he work by two sixteenth century masters of [[w:Stereotomy (descriptive geometry)|stereotomic]] architecture – the Spanish architect {{w|Andrés de Vandelvira}} (1505-1575) and the French architect Philibert De l’Orme (1515-1570) – is paradigmatic. Their cut-stone vaults and domes are an expression of the quest for the formal identification and definition of construction elements in keeping with the technical know-how and aesthetic canons of stereotomy. A comparison of two of their works is particularly interesting: the dome of the chapel of Salvador at Úbeda by Andrés de Vandelvira, built between 1536 and 1542, and the dome of the [[w:Château d'Anet|chapel at Anet]] by Philibert De l’Orme, built between 1548 and 1553. ...[T]he figurative solution adopted by De l’Orme... On a technical level, the juxtaposition of the decorative and the construction pattern is not casual, but geometrically controlled in order to optimise the production of the {{w|voussoir}}s by reducing to a minimum the number of “panneaux” needed to cut them. The system of ribbing, conceived according to the logic of this production process, is commensurate with the “metre” used in the wall assemblage and is consequently segmented in strict relation to the shape and dimension of the curved surface of the voussoirs that define the [[w:Dome#Terminology|intrado]]s of the dome. ** Francesco Defilippis, 'Architecture and Stereotomy. The Relation Between the “Construction Apparatus” and the "Decorative Apparatus" of the Cut-Stone Vaults and Domes of Philibert de l’Orme and Andrés de Vandelvira' (2006) Second International Congress on Construction History, Queens' College, Cambridge University (April 2, 2006) ''Proceedings of the Second International Congress on Construction History'' (CSHA) Vol. 1, ISBN 987-1-329-15030-0, [https://www.arct.cam.ac.uk/Downloads/ichs/vol-1-951-968-defilippis.pdf pp. 951-968.]<!-- http://www.constructionhistorysociety.org/proceedings/ --> * ''Philibert de l'Orme'' 1518-77. If [[w:Pierre Lescot|Lescot]] and [[w:Jean Bullant|Bullant]] were at least as much decorators as builders, Philibert de l'Orme was less an architect than an engineer; construction and not decoration was the important thing to him. The works he designed as an artist he usually executed as a builder. ** {{w|Emilia Dilke}} (''lady'' Dilke, Emilia Frances Strong Pattison) ''Renaissance of art in France'' (1879) 1:143-69. Report, Vol. 81, New York State Library [https://books.google.com/books?id=jk5JAQAAMAAJ&pg=PA231 p. 231.] * On January 8, I570, Philibert Delorme died in his canon's house of Notre-Dame. He had played a considerable part in the life of his times, he had written an immense book, and he had designed some of the most notable buildings in France. In his own opinion he had simply re-established architecture in France. ...There are two woodcuts at the conclusion of Philibert Delorme's ''Livre d'architecture''. One shows a figure without eyes and hands moving aimlessly across a Gothic landscape. Behind him stands a medieval castle with its moat and turrets, a cloudburst filling the sky above it. This is his concept of the Bad Architect. The other is a scene of classic architecture, fruitful vines, and playing fountains. The sky is serene, and in the ordered court stands the Good Architect, triple-eyed and double-handed, presenting a roll of plans to a willing workman. ...Could it have been a sketch for a self-portrait that Messer Philibert Delorme was setting before our eyes? ** Edward Fenton, "Messer Philibert Delorme" ''The Metropolitan Museum of Art Bulletin'' Vol. 13, No. 4, Dec., 1954, p. 158. * A paper was read by the Rev. [[w:Robert Willis (engineer)|Professor Willis]], "On the system followed by the Architects of the middle ages in the construction of their Vaults." The principles of vaulting and the mode of setting out the arch-stones were first laid down in the well-known treatise of Philibert de l'Orme; but it is evident that his predecessors, the architects who practised the Gothic style, must have been in possession of a geometrical system, though it was probably very simple, as compared with the complicated problems of P. de l'Orme. To investigate the system of the Gothic architects by a close observation of their works, was the subject of Professor Willis's paper. The mode of construction adopted by the Gothic architects in their vaulting, differs widely from that of classical architecture, both ancient and modern, inasmuch as, in the latter, the vaults are formed of regular courses of cut stone; whereas Gothic vaultings consist of a series of ribs, each rib constituting a separate and independent arch, the interstices filled in with lighter materials to complete the vault. In the early Norman work of our English edifices, these vaultings are often very rude and irregular, and the several arches so far from coinciding, that it is requisite to fill up the backs of the ribs to a considerable extent, in order to level the intermediate [[w:Spandrel|spandril]]s. Yet, even in vaults like these, some geometrical system must have been necessary. The change of style in the architecture of the thirteenth century, necessitated a more careful construction, since the rib mouldings became more numerous and complicated, as the capitals from which they sprung were diminished in their capacity to receive them. This difficulty was met by the construction of a stool of solid masonry in level courses from the springing up to the point where the ribs spread sufficiently to disengage the mouldings from each other, and then they are carried over separately, and filled in as before. The mode in which the difficulties arising from the various levels at which it was sometimes necessary to spring the ribs in Gothic vaultings of this period—as, for example, in raising the lateral arches of the vaults of a church to make room for the clerestory windows, producing a great variety of curvatures in the same vaulting, all to be reconciled in the filling in, were illustrated by diagrams, without the aid of which it is useless to pursue the details. With regard to the curvature of the diagonal ribs, they were never projected according to the modern practice, to which may be attributed the want of character which marks most of the imitations of Gothic vaulting. Actual measurement has proved the diagonals of early Gothic vaulting to be arcs of circles, the centres being below the springing of the cross ribs, and the problem called by Philibert de l'Orme the "''troisp oints perdus''," was probably that upon which they were laid down: and it may be observed, that both the classical and the Gothic systems of vaulting were in operation in different parts of Europe at the same time and that P. de l'Orme must have had the opportunity of being acquainted with both. The introduction of the four-centered arch simplified the vaulting in one respect, by bringing the centres of all the curves to a uniform level; but the effect of vaulting in this form is consequently extremely flat and poor, compared with the lightness and freedom of that in the earlier period. New complexity, however, had arisen with the introduction of cross lines from one main rib to another. These short ribs meet upon bosses, worked together with a portion of the divergent ribs, in solid stone; but the principle of setting up the ribs and filling in is still followed, notwithstanding the complicated form of the framework. These intricate patterns, which form a link between the simple early groins and the last phase of Gothic vaulting in fan-tracery, exhibit various degrees of success in the design, dependent upon the skill of the architect. In most of the vaults of this description, the centre compartments fall into the shape of a star. In some examples, this form has been clearly laid down on the plan, but is lost in the execution, through the distortion occasioned by the dip of the ribs or other causes; while in other instances it is unexpectedly brought out by combinations evincing consummate ingenuity and knowledge of the resources of geometry and perspective. In fan-vaulting we return to real masonry, the ribs and panels being carved out of stones fitted together. Complicated as this mode of construction may be, it is less so in reality than in appearance, being greatly simplified by uniform curvatures, and uniform levels in the springings; and the system of setting out the stones seems to have been so well understood, that it is found to be invariably the same throughout all our great fan-vaults. This system Professor Willis explained to be dependent upon certain horizontal beds on the uppermost surfaces of the intersecting stones, which it would be impossible to render intelligible without the models to which his observations referred. ** ''The Metropolitan Magazine'' (May, 1841) Vol. 31, [https://books.google.com/books?id=IMARAAAAYAAJ&pg=RA1-PA125 pp. 125-126,] Saunders and Otley, "Learned Societies, Institute of British Architects" July 5. * French architects and engineers in the 16th, 17th, and 18th centuries occupied themselves a good deal with roofs with curved ribs, and two systems of constructing the rib were worked out. In the most modern of them, that invented by Colonel Emy, the ribs were constructed of a series of thicknesses of bent timber, one on the back of another, and held together by bolts. In the older system that of Philibert de l'Orme, the ribs were also built up, but the pieces composing them are placed side by side, and either form a polygon approaching a semicircle or are cut to bring them to a curve.&nbsp;[[File:Bourse de commerce, Halle au blé (ancienne) - Vue d'ensemble en cours de construction - Paris 01 - Médiathèque de l'architecture et du patrimoine - APMH00012727.jpg|thumb|{{center/s}}Bourse de commerce<br />(dome of the Paris Corn Market){{center/e}}]]In fact, the ribs are very much such as... used for the great [[w:Bourse de commerce (Paris)|dome of the Paris Corn Market]]. There is, however, a great difference between a dome—the strongest of all forms—and one permitting the introduction of as many rings of ties as may be desired; and a roof over an ordinary oblong space, where no such binding together is admissible, and where straight rafters may have to be used, which loads the rib at certain points only. In the latter case, a good many precautions have, generally speaking, to be taken to prevent the rib from being unequally loaded, and so either spreading or losing its shape in some other way. The rib made of unbent timber, side by side, on De l'Orme's plan, is admitted to be stronger than the one made of bent timbers laid one on the back of the other; but both have been largely used, and good examples of both may be met with... ** B. Priestley Shires, "Domestic Architecture: England under the Edwards" (May 29, 1885) ''The Illustrated Carpenter and Builder'', Vol. 16-17, " [https://books.google.com/books?id=0NdKAQAAMAAJ&pg=PA355 p. 355.] * Mr. G. Rennie said, he believed that few, if any, examples of oblique bridges existed in England prior to those which had been mentioned, and the extreme obliquity of Mr. Storey's bridge rendered it very interesting; such bridges had long been constructed in Italy, and in France. Vasari mentioned an oblique bridge over the Mugnone near Florence, erected in 1530. In a curious old work intituled "L'Architecture des Voutes," [a treatise on [[w:Stereotomy (descriptive geometry)|stereotomy]]] par [[w:François Derand|Derand]], (folio, 1645) diagrams were given of the oblique, as well as of almost every other kind of arch. Philibert de L'Orme, and subsequent French architects, seemed also to have been fond of [[w:Skew arch|oblique arch]]es. Nicholson, who was quoted by Mr. Buck as having first explained the method of constructing the oblique arch must, Mr. Rennie conceived, have seen Derand's work. ** John Storey, No. 685. "Description of an Oblique Bridge over the River Gaunless on the Hagger Leases Branch Railway Durham" (1845) ''Minutes of Proceedings of the Institution of Civil Engineers'', Vol. IV, Session 1845, ed., Charles Manby, [https://books.google.com/books?id=tBMFAAAAQAAJ&pg=PA60 pp. 60-61.] * [Catharine] Randall, ''Building Codes'', argues that Philibert de l'Orme was, if not a Calvanist, someone with a 'strongly evangelical stance and perhaps Calvanist sympathies'... Such Calvinist sympathies, according to Randall, are detectable in his 'stylistic idiosyncracies', which compose 'the architectural vocabulary of the late Calvinist architects',... his use (like Calvin) of the biblical text as a 'textual template for his building activity in general',... in his creation of a Protestant architectural genealogy... etc. No direct evidence exists, however, to support claims that De l'Orme was anything but Catholic—he was, after all, a priest (diocese of Lyons) and later canon (Potié, ''Philibert De l'Orme'', 23). As Andrew Spicer notes, in his review of Randall's book, 'much of [her] evidence would seem to be circumstantial, and there are problems in equating the terms "evangelical" with "crypto-" or "proto-" Calvinist (''Catholic Historical Review'', 89/1 (2003), 106). I do not propose to resolve this debate here... ** Phillip John Usher, ''Epic Arts in Renaissance France'' (2014) p. 183, footnote 123. * If the use of iron in building does not enable us to exceed these dimensions at a decidedly less cost, then indeed we are inferior to our ancestors. In fact the great builders of the Middle Ages, like those of the Renaissance, were eminently men of subtle, active, and inventive intellect. I say inventive intellect, for that is the ruling characteristic of the works bequeathed to us by those old builders. It is apparent in the structure of our mediaeval buildings, and only ceases to manifest itself when the material becomes inadequate. It is apparent in the attempts of the Renaissance; for apart from the superficial imitation of classic forms which the architects of the latter period affected, they did not adhere to this imitation in the construction of their buildings and in the methods they employed. Without reference to the buildings of that epoch, we may find the proof of this fact in the written works of several of those architects, such as [[Albrecht Dürer|Albert Dürer]], [[w:Sebastiano Serlio|Serlio]], Philibert de l'Orme, etc. On every page of their writings we find some original idea, or new adaptation; and as in the case of their predecessors, their ingenuity is circumscribed only by the inadequacy of their materials. ** {{w|Eugène Viollet-le-Duc}}, ''Lectures on Architecture'' (1881) Vol. 2, [https://books.google.com/books?id=lGpTAAAAMAAJ&pg=PA86 pp. 86-87.] == See also == [[Architecture]] == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{Commons category|Philibert Delorme}} * ''Nouvelles inventions pour bien bastir'' [http://gallica.bnf.fr/ark:/12148/btv1b8609517b/f5.image.r=.langEN (1561)] Gallica. * ''Le premier tome de l'architecture'': ** [http://www.e-rara.ch/doi/10.3931/e-rara-15161 (1567)] Library of the University of Bern. ** [http://gallica.bnf.fr/ark:/12148/btv1b2100075t.r=.langEN (1567-illustrations)] Gallica. ** [https://archive.org/stream/gri_33125013924192#page/n4/mode/1up (1568)] Internet Archive. ** [https://archive.org/stream/architecturedeph00lorm#page/n6/mode/1up (1626)] Internet Archive, includes [https://archive.org/stream/architecturedeph00lorm#page/n13/mode/1up de l'Orme's portrait engraving] & ''Invention pour bien bastir'' {{DEFAULTSORT:Lorme, Philibert De}} [[Category:Architects from France]] [[Category:Sculptors from France]] [[Category:1514 births]] [[Category:1570 deaths]] [[Category:People from Lyon]] 0srojq100m2hvfxrh998ae9kx9xajb8 14 209845 3778567 2483375 2025-07-14T12:49:02Z UDScott 4304 Moving from [[Category:Activists]] to [[Category:Activists by issue]] using [[c:Help:Cat-a-lot|Cat-a-lot]] 3778567 wikitext text/x-wiki {{wikipedia|Anti-racism}} {{wikipedia|Category:Anti-racism activists}} [[Category:Racism]] [[Category:Activists by issue]] 82sba3kek6lf99m3veig0w2axr4bgcw 0 210178 3778770 3778213 2025-07-14T18:07:22Z 2600:1700:C361:A40:598C:AA99:C4B7:8F3B /* Hummels & Heroin [21.05] */ 3778770 wikitext text/x-wiki {{DISPLAYTITLE:''South Park''/Season 21}} {{South Park header}} '''''[[w:South Park|South Park]]''''' (1997–present) is an adult animated television series created by [[w:Trey Parker|Trey Parker]] and [[w:Matt Stone|Matt Stone]]. Distributed by and airing on Comedy Central, it follows the surreal adventures of four young boys who live in the small town of South Park, Colorado. {{tv-stub}} === ''[[w:White People Renovating Houses|White People Renovating Houses]]'' [21.01] === :'''Liane''': Oh, hi, Poopsie. :'''Cartman''': Mom, Alexa left! She's not here! :'''Liane''': Oh, yes, sweetie. We had to get rid of Alexa. :'''Cartman''': What have you done with her? :'''Liane''': Oh, it's okay, sweetie. We have Jim Bob now. :'''Cartman''': What's a Jim Bob?? :'''Jim Bob''': Doot-doot. Awaiting request. :'''Liane''': He works the same and makes sure people don't lose their jobs. Jim Bob, what time is it? :'''Jim Bob''': ''[checks his watch]'' Doot doot, it is 3:27. :'''Liane''': Ooh, Mommy's gotta run, sweetie. Jim Bob, how's the traffic to town? :'''Jim Bob''': Doot-doot, traffic's fine. You'll get there in about nine minutes. :'''Liane''': ''[to Cartman]'' Okay, you want some music, hun? Jim Bob, play [[w: Kendrick Lamar|Kendrick Lamar]]. :'''Jim Bob''': Playing "[[w:Humble (Kendrick Lamar song)|Humble]]" by Kendrick Lamar. 🎵 I remember syrup sandwiches and crime and allowances. Finesse a (doot) with some counterfeits... 🎵 :'''Cartman''': Jim Bob, ''[Jim Bob stops singing]'' Simon says "big frosty [[w:Semen|semen]] shake." :'''Jim Bob''': The hell you talkin' 'bout, boy?! ''[strums again]'' 🎵 My left hook just went viraaaaaal. Sit down, be humble 🎵 :'''Cartman''': NOOOOOOOOO! === ''[[w:Put It Down (South Park)|Put It Down]]'' [21.02] === :'''Tweek''': Oh, my god! What is that?! ''What is that?!'' :'''Craig''': It's probably nothing. Everything's fine. :'''Tweek''': Will you please stop saying that?! I can't take it! :'''Craig''': I'm trying to make you feel better! :'''Tweek''': Well, maybe I don't ''want'' to feel better right now! :'''Craig''': Okay, but think about that. That actually doesn't make any sense. :'''Tweek''': Why do you have to be so logical?! I don't need you to problem-solve all the time! I need you to... ''[yells] I don't know!'' :'''Craig''': Tweek, honey. All week, you've been freaking out and ''I've'' been the one forced to deal with it. :'''Tweek''': You haven't been dealing with it! You've been trying to make it go away because my emotions ''are freaking you out!'' :''[A young girl behind Tweek is run over by a bumper car]'' :'''Craig''': Tweek, North Korea isn't bombing anyone. They would lose the support of China, and that would be - :'''Tweek''': There you go again! Stop preaching facts to me! ''It's not what I need!'' :'''Craig''': Well, I'm sorry that I'm actually in control of my goddamn emotions, ''you baby! [beat]'' Oh, see? Now you made me lose control of my emotions. Goddamn it. :''[Craig leaves. Tweek quivers then screams]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Heidi Turner''': Eric, you need to stop. What they're doing is important. :'''Eric Cartman''': They're doing a memorial service with speeches and crying. What's that gonna solve? :'''Heidi Turner''': It's not about problem solving, Eric. It's about people getting together and feeling what they need to feel. People need help sorting out their emotions sometimes. And the best thing isn't always quick answers but just being there, supporting each other and talking through those feelings. <hr width=50%/> :''[Tweek reads that his cupcake peace offering to North Korea has failed; President Garrison tweeted that Tweek probably defecated in the batter]'' :'''Tweek''': [screams] ''What?!'' Why would he ''say'' that?! :'''Craig''': Tweek, calm down. <hr width=50%/> :'''Craig''': Tweek! What's going on? :'''Tweek''': What?! What do you mean what's going on?! The same shit that's been going on! :'''Craig''': Nothing's gotten any better?! Oh, my God! How does that make you feel? :'''Tweek''': I feel scared! I feel alone! :'''Craig''': That must be horrible to feel that way! It must be hard for you to even think! :'''Tweek''': It is! ''[jumps off the bed]'' It's terrible! :'''Craig''': I bet it's terrible! What else are you feeling? :'''Tweek''': Like - Like I have no control over my life! Like I'm just a pawn in a big game. :'''Craig''': Oh, that's a terrifying thought. You must feel trapped! :'''Tweek''': Yeah, like trapped but, like, completely unable to even move! :'''Craig''': Jesus! It's like there's no solution to any of this! What are you gonna do? What ''can'' you do?! :'''Tweek''': I don't know! It's-It's like maybe-maybe I have to find a way to feel a little in charge of me again. :'''Craig''': That sounds so insurmountable, though. How would you even start? :'''Tweek''': I don't know, but I-I gotta do something about this. There's gotta be a way I can... ''[calms, turns to Craig and smiles]'' Thank you, Craig. === ''[[w:Holiday Special (South Park)|Holiday Special]]'' [21.03] === === ''[[w:Franchise Prequel|Franchise Prequel]]'' [21.04] === :''[The parents are all having a meeting at Jimmy's house and drinking coffee]'' :'''Ryan''': Thanks for coming, everyone. I know you are all concerned as Sarah and I are about what's happening to our children. :'''Thomas''': I just... can't believe that children in our town are dressing up in hero costumes and peeing in each other's mouths. :'''Randy''': And who are these kids? Does anyone know? They're wearing capes and forcing objects into their own rectal cavities? Why? :'''Steve''': ''[referring to himself and his wife]'' We were shocked to read that a young African-American boy is wearing Tupperware and defecating on girls while they sleep. What if those kids are hanging out with our kids? :'''Stephen''': You know what I think the problem is? Facebook. :'''Randy''': Facebook? How so? :'''Stephen''': Well, look, we all know there's a lot of mixing of truth and fiction that's been on Facebook lately, and children lack the cognitive ability to determine what's true and what isn't on Facebook. That's why we now have young kids dressing up in costumes, eating poop, and having sex with antelopes in our town. :'''Thomas''': Maybe we need to get our kids ''off'' of Facebook. :'''Randy''': That'll never happen. You know what I say we do? Let's invite Mark Zuckerberg to come and talk to us all about our concerns in this community. :'''Linda''': Do you really think he'd come? :'''Stephen''': Why not give it a try? Let's invite Mark Zuckerberg here and see what he has to say? I'm sure he's a reasonable person. ''[sips his coffee]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Stephen''': ''[while dragging Butters]'' You think you're just so smart, don't you? :'''Butters''': No, sir. :'''Stephen''': Make me look a fool, will you? We'll just see about this! ''[he and his son enter Vladimir's office]'' Not so funny now, is it? Go on! Tell Mr. Putin what you told me! :'''Butters''': Well, I was just, I just said how I'd use Facebook like Russia did. And I really didn't break any rules and-- :'''Stephen''': Didn't break any rules! Good job teaching our children that's all that matters! Just because there's a way to (either) cause chaos in a town, or disrupt an entire country, doesn't mean you go and do it, does it?! If Mark Zuckerberg points a loaded cannon at someone's face, ''[points to Vladimir]'' are you innocent for just lighting the fuse?! Answer me! :'''Putin''': Nyet, sir. (No, sir.) :'''Stephen''': No! You don't go around making things about people either, unless it's about Mark Zuckerberg 'cause he deserves it. ''[walks to the door]'' I hope you're both ''very'' satisfied with the damage you've caused, because you're '''both''' ''GROUNDED! [leaves the office, slamming the door behind him]'' === ''[[w:Hummels & Heroin|Hummels & Heroin]]'' [21.05] === :'''Marcus' Dad''': Okay, okay, can everyone hear me? Hello? Thanks, everyone, for helping us celebrate Marcus' birthday. As a special birthday surprise for you, Marcus, we got you your favorite entertainer. Everyone, please welcome Chuck E. Cheese. :'''Chuck E. Cheese''': Hey. Check. :'''Marcus''': Yes. Yehehehehes. :'''Chuck E. Cheese''': ''[rather clearly appearing so strung out he can barely stand]'' I ah thanks... for'm celeb... Marcus's birthday.... :'''Marcus' Mom''': What's wrong with him? :'''Marcus' Dad''': Can't you tell? He's high on painkillers! :'''Chuck E. Cheese''': ''[tries to remember what he's supposed to play]'' Hold on. Shit. Okay, let's.... Let's do this! ''[slams a riff on his guitar]'' ''[[w:Purple Rain (song)| ♫ Never meant to cause you any sor-♫]]'' ''[projectile vomits with enough force to spew out of the holes in his costume head, before he falls off the stage, dead, as Marcus can only scream in horror]'' :'''Marcus' Dad''': All right, kids, uh, why don't we head back to the party and cut the cake? :'''Marcus''': I don't want cake! Who's gonna eat cake at a time like this?! (''crying'') :'''Man 1''': Another drug overdose? :'''Man 2''': Most likely. Percolate and Oxycontin found wrapped in his cheesecloth. :'''Man 1''': Prescription drugs, but with no prescription :'''Man 2''': You guys know where all these illegal meds are coming from? :'''Man 1''': Most likely from the prisons. Whenever there's a drug epidemic you can usually trace it back to people who've been... thrown away by society and forgotten about. <hr width=50%> :'''Kyle''': Dude, Stan. Come on, dude, we're gonna go set off fireworks at Kenny's house. :'''Stan''': I will. I just gotta do this for my grandpa first. :'''Eric''': Again? Dude, how many crappy crochet pillows do you have to give out for him? :'''Stan''': I don't know. It's what he wants. I feel bad for him, all right? I think he's miserable. :'''Eric''': He's old. He's supposed to be miserable. :'''Stan''': Look, I just gotta make this exchange for him and then we can go. Oh, oh, I think this is her now. :'''Swiper''': Are you Stan Marsh? It's me, Swiper. :'''Stan''': Cool. Do you have the Hummel? :'''Swiper''': This is it. Ride Into Christmas, Limited Edition. Now give me the pillow. I have to get to a birthday party. :'''Stan''': 'Kay, fine. :'''Swiper''': All right, peace. :'''Kyle''': Dude, that's really weird. <hr width=50%> :'''Marcus''': Students, faculty, and staff, today we are facing an epidemic of catastrophic proportions. I know I am not alone in mourning the loss of one of our greatest entertainers, Chuck E. Cheese. Had we known the personal hell he was going through, perhaps we could've helped. But too many were more than eager to supply Chuck E. with the opioids that caused his untimely death. Chuck E. was not the first entertainer to die from this epidemic. Let us not forget Dinkie Dook the Clown, dead of a Roxanol overdose at Tommy Schneider's bar mitzvah last March. Shimmer and Shine, who both collapsed from massive amounts of oxycodone at Nelly Anderson's birthday party. Spider-Man, cut down in his prime by Demerol, and just recently, Swiper the Fox, dead of multiple opioids found in his crochet pillow. How many more entertainers must we lose before we take action?! It is time to declare war on opioids in our society! <hr width=50%> :'''Eric''': Dude, what the fuck, Stan?! :'''Stan''': I don't know, all right?! :'''Kyle''': You didn't know you were slinging drugs for your grandpa? :'''Stan''': It didn't occur to me as a possibility. :'''Eric''': Dude, did you hear everyone in school?! They're coming after you! You killed Swiper the Fox, and ''we'' were standing there with you! You gotta tell people we had no idea what was going on! :'''Stan''': I had no idea what was going on! :'''Butters''': ''[enters the bathroom]'' Hey, fellas! Boy, that Marcus kid is on the warpath, huh? Well, he's really motivated. I mean, screw that kid, but I guess it's good somebody's finally doing something about these goddamn drug dealers. Well, see ya, fellas. ''[leaves the bathroom]'' :'''Eric''': Our only way out is to go to the police right now and turn Stan's grandpa in! :'''Stan''': No, we don't have to do that! Let me talk to him. I can put a stop to this. <hr width=50%> :'''Marcus''': ''[answers the phone]'' Yes? :'''Annie''': We're at Mimi Thompson's party. Peppa Pig just collapsed on stage! :'''Marcus''': Oh, my God! Don't let anyone near Peppa Pig until I arrive! ''[arrives at the scenery]'' Move aside! Let me through! Aw, Peppa. Peppa, can you hear me? My name is Marcus Preston. Can you understand me? Where did you get the drugs, Peppa? Was it from Stan Marsh? :'''Peppa Pig''': Yo, man, what you talkin' about? Get me a fuckin' ambulance! :'''Marcus''': Shh, Peppa, focus. Soon, you'll be in heaven jumping in all the muddy puddles you can imagine. But first, you must tell me, where do the Hummels go, Peppa? :'''Ambulance lady''': All right, let us through. Get away, kids. :'''Marcus''': Peppa, now! Why Hummels?! You've got to squeal! :'''Peppa Pig''': Old people. Old people... love... Hummels. :'''Marcus''': It's okay, she's with Chuck E. Cheese now. <hr width=50%> :'''Marcus''': Hello, Mr. Marsh! :'''Stan''': Marcus. :'''Marcus''': I told you I'd bring you down. :'''Stan''': Marcus, it's not what you think. I'm trying to make things better here. :'''Marcus''': Oh, I bet you are! You, your grandpa, ALL the people here, are going to jail! I'm calling the police! :'''Stan''': You can put an end to this place, but you won't be stopping the problem. These people are victims too, Marcus. Victims of a way bigger game being played by way bigger people! :'''Marcus''': Oh, you're a fine one for speeches! When it comes to saving your own ass! :'''Stan''': It's not for me, Marcus. Look, I know you loved Chuck E. Cheese. I know you'd do anything to bring down the people who took him from you. That's why you have to go further, Marcus. Take it to the people who profited from Chuck E.'s addiction. :'''Marcus''': ''[crying]'' He was just a mouse… who wanted to make people happy. :'''Stan''': I know. I know. === ''[[w:Sons a Witches|Sons a Witches]]'' [21.06] === :''[Morning at the Marsh residence…]'' :'''Randy''': ''[comes down the stairs, goes to the fridge, gets out a gallon of fruit punch, and drinks straight from it, sighing with satisfaction; then turns and notices Sharon crossing her arms]'' Oh. Hey, didn't see you there. :'''Sharon''': Did you hear anything about what happened last night? :'''Randy''': Uuuhhh, no, what happened? :'''Sharon''': Your buddy, Chip Duncan? ''[holds up her phone, showing last night's news]'' Apparently, he flew around on a broom, blew things up, and kidnapped some children? :'''Randy''': Are you serious?! :'''Sharon''': You heard nothing about this?! He flew away vowing we'd all be dead by Halloween! :'''Randy''': God, I knew that guy was a fuckin' chode. :'''Sharon''': Randy, what did you guys do at that party? :'''Randy''': Nothin'. We were just hangin' out and talkin' and stuff, and then Chip got all weird. :'''Sharon''': People were hurt! :'''Randy''': Yeah, I agree! It's awful! We're not like Chip, okay?! He's a bad witch! <hr width=50%> :'''Sharon''': You can't possibly be considering doing this again! :'''Randy''': Why not? :'''Sharon''': Randy a '''''real''''' witch is flying around in the sky snatching children! I don't think this is the best time for you to be wearing a witch costume and partying. :'''Randy''': Ugh. Gah! Just because of one bad witch, we're supposed to stop a tradition that goes back twenty-some-odd years?! Jesus! <hr width=50%> :''[South Park Elementary; the students and parents are all gathered in the gymnasium]'' :'''Mayor McDaniels''': Students and parents, I know that you are all concerned about the witch who is preying upon our town. And I wanna speak to you all about how to try and protect yourselves. But first, some gentlemen have asked to speak on what they perceive to be a "witch pursuit thing". === ''[[w:Doubling Down (South Park)|Doubling Down]]'' [21.07] === :'''Cartman''': That dirty whore! Who does that bitch think she is?! Packing my lunch for me?! Fuck her, dude! :'''Jimmy''': Pissed off at your girlfriend again, huh, Eric? :'''Cartman''': She's not a girlfriend. She's a controlling, manipulative whore! :'''Kyle''': That's enough, Cartman! I am so sick of hearing you call Heidi horrible things! :'''Cartman''': That's because you don't understand how much it sucks to be in a relationship! ---- :'''Steven Black''': Heidi? Turner? The Turners' daughter? :'''Cartman''': Yeah... :'''Steven Black''': I thought she was with that Kyle Broflovski kid. :'''Cartman''': What? :'''Steven Black''': I saw them at the park today, holding hands. :'''Cartman''': Kyle? Kyle?! '''Kyle!!''' [a montage begins with five marching happy Kyles appearing] Kyle! Kyle! Kyle Kyle Kyle! [a big red heart appears and breaks, and a line of smiling Kyles marches out of it in shades of pink. Next scene is a Jewish dance performed by hasidim. Next scene is Cartman out on the street striking a match...] Kyle! [...and burning a giant flag on the ground with it.] Kyle! [the flames spread to fill up the screen. The next scene shows a cackling Kyle coming up out of the water like a giant sea monster as Eric and Heidi hold on to each other. Kyle holds a menorah reminiscent of a trident. Next scene is another group of hasidim dancing] Kyle! [next scene is Cartman and Heidi running away, only to be stopped by Kyle popping up before them like an exploding volcano, cackling. Cartman and Heidi turn and run away again, but the ground around them is compromised and Kyle's shadow covers them both as they look up at him. Next scene is back at the dining room at Tolkien's mansion] Kyle... :'''Steven Black''': Yeah, Kyle. === ''[[w:Moss Piglets (South Park)|Moss Piglets]]'' [21.08] === :'''Wendy''': Is it just me, or are things around here getting worse and worse? :'''Millie''': It's definitely not just you. I think everyone's in shock that Heidi went back to Cartman. :'''Theresa''': What keeps driving her back to him? It's so weird. :'''Isla''': She's so… mean and angry these days. :'''Wendy''': People change. They say you become more and more like the person you're with, and I guess it's true with Heidi. :'''Heidi''': ''[joining them at the table]'' Hey, guys. What's up? :'''Isla''': ''[fearfully]'' Hey, Heidi. :'''Heidi''': What are you guys talkin' about? :'''Nichole''': Nothing. :'''Heidi''': Bullcrap, you're all talkin' about me again. 'Cause you're judgmental bitches. ''[belches]'' Ehh… :'''Wendy''': Heidi, are you okay? It's just… you look… :'''Heidi''': I look what? :'''Wendy''': You know, y-you just look… :'''Heidi''': What? I look fat? Is that what you wanna say, Wendy? Fuck you, bitch! :'''Theresa''': She's just concerned, Heidi. :'''Heidi''': ''[mimicking Theresa]'' "Mehmehmehmehmehhh, Heidi." I'm just trying to enjoy my lunch here! Can I do it without you guys shitting on all over me? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Heidi''': ''[enters Mr. Mackey's office]'' You wanted to see me, Mr. Mackey? :'''Mr. Mackey''': Oh, yes, Heidi. Uh, we just wanted to see if you have transportation to the Special Ed Science Fair this weekend, or if you wanted us to set something up for you. :'''Heidi''': What? :'''Mr. Mackey''': …Uh, Saturday is the science fair, and, you're the judge for the competition? :'''Heidi''': Judge a special needs science fair? Ahem, no thanks. :'''Mr. Mackey''': Well, Heidi, is there a problem with you being the judge this weekend? :'''Heidi''': Uhh, yeah? It's Saturday, and I don't wanna be at school? :'''Mr. Mackey''': But, you're always the judge of the Special Ed Science Fair because you're our best science student. :'''Heidi''': So, now I'm gonna be punished by being force to judge a bunch of handicapped kids?! :'''Mr. Mackey''': But… Okay, you see, the problem is that you volunteered last month, Heidi. You said you wanted to do it, m'kay? :'''Heidi''': Well, how can you expect students to commit to things a month in advance?! I don't even know what I want for dinner tonight. :'''Mr. Mackey''': Look, the kids have worked really hard and have done some amazing projects. :'''Heidi''': You're gonna force me to come to school on a Saturday?! :'''Mr. Mackey''': Heidi, eh… is everything all right? :'''Heidi''': Oh, what? Are you gonna call me fat now too?! It just so happens I'm a vegan, which means it'd difficult for me to get enough protein, so my body doesn't burn fat, it burns muscle, which makes it look like I'm fat, but I'm actually WAY healthier than any of YOU! :'''Mr. Mackey''': Heidi, you're judging the Special Ed Science Fair this weekend. :'''Heidi''': Oh, Goddammit! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Wendy, Isla, Theresa, and Heidi are waiting at the bus stop]'' :'''Heidi''': ''[frustrated]'' This is bullcrap! How can they force me to be the Science Fair judge?! Now I know how it feels to be a slave! :'''Wendy''': It's…not exactly like being a slave, Heidi. :'''Heidi''': Yes, it is! Am I being paid to judge the Science Fair?! No! Do I have a choice?! No! Ooh, yes, massa! Let me judge that Science Fair for you, sir! :'''Theresa''': God, will you stop?! :'''Heidi''': Theresa, don't get all aggro on me because you're pissed off your family lives in a trailer. :'''Theresa''': My family doesn't live in a trailer. We live in a tiny home. My parents downsized to make a smaller footprint on the environment. :'''Heidi''': That's what I said. Your family lives in a trailer. :'''Theresa''': There's lots of progressive people living in tiny homes. There's five others on my block. :'''Heidi''': Right. That's called a "trailer park." :'''Theresa''': ''[embarrassed]'' I don't live in a trailer park! :'''Wendy''': Just don't even respond to her. Just ignore her. :'''Heidi''': I'll try, but she's such a bitch. :'''Isla''': She wasn't talking to you, Heidi. :'''Heidi''': Oh, looks like Isla has something to say, you guys. Hold on, I'm sure this is going to be really profound. Go ahead, Isla, knock us out with you wit and satire. This should be good, you guys. :'''Cartman''': ''[walks up to Heidi]'' Hey, Heidi, what's up? :'''Heidi''': ''[uninterested]'' Oh, hey, babe, what's going on? :'''Cartman''': What are you up to? :'''Heidi''': Nothing, just talking to my girlfriends about tiny homes. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Heidi''': Butters! :'''Butters''': ''[turns around, startled]'' Oh! Hey! :'''Heidi''': How would you like to be the judge for the Special Ed Science Fair this weekend? :'''Butters''': Uh, I can't. I'm going to a birthday party. :'''Cartman''': Butters, don't be a dick! :'''Heidi''': Yeah, don't make up excuses because judging handicapped students sounds terrible. :'''Cartman''': Yeah, Butters. God. :'''Clyde''': He's not making it up. It's ''my'' birthday party. :'''Cartman''': Well, then could you invite Heidi, please? She needs an excuse not to have to go to the special needs science fair. :'''Stan''': What's wrong with supporting them? They're our friends. :'''Heidi''': Because nobody wants to be trapped in a gym with Special Ed science. :'''Kyle''': Actually, some other projects are pretty cool. :'''Cartman & Heidi''': Shut up, Kyle! Samesies! ''[both kiss]'' :'''Heidi''': Look, it's all just a complete waste of time. It's not like a Special Ed Science Fair is actually gonna contribute to society. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Heidi''': ''[pacing around Cartman, upset]'' What the hell is going on?! Everywhere I turn, people are being given handouts while I'm forced to work my ass off! It's total bullshit! :'''Cartman''': Yeah… uh… Babe, uh I understand that you're pissed off, but, um, you know, it is recess. Maybe we should relax and have some fun? :'''Heidi''': ''[stops pacing]'' Relax?! How can I relax?! I get straight A's! I ace every test! And who gets all the support?! The Special Ed Department! <hr width="50%"/> :''[The students are all assembled in the gymnasium as Heidi gives out an announcement, with Cartman standing next to her]'' :'''Heidi''': ''[standing on the podium]'' Fellow students, I have asked to speak today because of the hypocrisy and bullying that is coming from the administration at this so-called school. It is an outrage that our principal and counselor demand our participation in privileged programs that are outrageously overfunded. Why is it that the school allows funding that only goes to special-needs students? Are the rest of us not special? If we are continually asked to work for no money and ask our parents to pay for ''our'' programs, then soon we will all be poor, and forced to live in a trailer park, like Theresa. :'''Theresa''': It's not a trailer! :'''Heidi''': Theresa, get over it. You live in a trailer park. It's not a big deal. :'''Cartman''': Uh, okay, honey. You're kind of getting off topic, sweetie. :'''Heidi''': What did you say?! :'''Cartman''': I just… I just want you to stay on point so we can get this over with. :'''Heidi''': "GET THIS OVER WITH?!" You're supposed to be supporting me! :'''Cartman''': I ''am'' supporting you, sweetheart! :'''Heidi''': Being supportive doesn't mean you criticize me, asshole! Just forget it! My point is, if the school administration doesn't cancel the science fair, I will see to it that they are all fired for discrimination! :'''Mr. Mackey''': ''[to PC Principal]'' She's kind of like Cartman, but with the ability to follow through. :'''PC Principal''': Oh, dude. Bro. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Jerry''': ''[seeing the water bears adapting]'' Son of a bitch, we just might have ourselves some fans! <hr width="50%"/> :''[The NFL Owners, Special Ed Kids, PC Principal, Mr. Mackey, and Cartman all chase after Heidi and corner her in the school foyer while she's carrying the water bears]'' :'''Cartman''': Heidi, seriously, you need to listen to me! :'''Heidi''': ''[catching her breath]'' I don't… have to listen… to anybody! :'''Cartman''': Yes, yes you do! You need to listen! :'''Heidi''': Fuck you! :'''Cartman''': No, fuck you! :'''Jerry''': Little girl, please! What you have in your hand is very special. :'''Heidi''': Well, I'm sick of everyone treating me like shit! :'''Jerry''': Think about the NFL. How much joy it brings to everyone! :'''Nathan''': Don't listen to them. Give the water bears to me. I deserve all the fame and bitches. :'''Cartman''': Heidi, you've gotta stop being so angry. :'''Jerry''': Look, if you- if you don't do it for the NFL, what about humanity? Those creatures are showing the first signs of sentience. Think about what they could mean for science. For medicine. Making people better. :'''Cartman''': Come on, babe. We all want the old Heidi back. :'''Heidi''': ''[looks up at the balcony, noticing Wendy, Theresa, and Isla looking down upon her, looks down at the water bears, then looks up again]'' Screw all you guys! ''[chugs down the whole fish bowl, killing the water bears]'' :'''NFL Owners and Special Ed Kids''': NOOOO!!! === ''[[w:Super Hard PCness|Super Hard PCness]]'' [21.09] === :'''PC Principal''': Alright, everyone. Listen up. As you all know, we've been looking for a strong woman to take on the role of vice principal at this school. We couldn't be happier with the selection we've made and we're sure she'll be making our school a better place. So with that let me turn over the floor to our new vice principal, Strong Woman. ''[applause all around]'' :'''Strong Woman''': Thanks everyone. Alright, listen up. ''[gathers her papers up]'' I fully appreciate that some of you might be uncomfortable with me being here. Earlier today, I noticed that some faculty weren't sure whether to call me "Miss Woman" or just "Strong." If I were a man, you'd probably address me as Vice Principal Woman, so why should it be any different, huh? We good? :'''Mr. Mackey''': Uhm'kay. :'''Strong Woman''': So I've been getting to know some of the students here and I'm definitely hearing a lot of frustration and confusion over issues that all the schools are facing right now. I also spent some time observing in the cafeteria and was pretty shocked by the abusive and intolerant language. ''[as she speaks, Hootie & The Blowfish's "Hold My Hand" begins to play in PC Principal's head]'' Not sure if any of you have noticed, but a lot of the girls are eating their lunches out on the playground to avoid being around the toxic environment that's been created. It's my intention to make the cafeteria... P.E. class is another huge problem at this school. The girls' gym outfits seem not to have been updated since the '60s. We have a lot of work to do here. I intend to do it quickly. ''[in PC Principal's mind, everything around her fades out and all he sees is her against a pink background with hearts everywhere, soon replaced by flowers and leaves, then a blue sky with clouds]'' :'''Mr. Mackey''': Excuse me uh, I'm sorry, but uh, is anyone else hearing Hootie & The Blowfish like, very very softly? :'''Substitute Teacher''': Yeah, yeah, I hear it. :'''Strong Woman''': ''[rises and walks towards PC Principal]'' It's, it's coming from over here somewhere. :'''PC Principal''': E-excuse me everyone, I um, I need to get to the restroom. Sorry, I'll be right back. ''[rushes out the door, and the song disappears with him]'' ---- :'''Kyle''': ''[on the phone with Mr. Garrison as Donald Trump]'' Yes, This is Millennials Against Canada. :'''Mr. Garrison''': Yeah, listen, this thing's kind of escalating. You people need to call it quits. :'''Kyle''': We can't do that, Mr. President. Someone has to do what's right. :'''Mr. Garrison''': What exactly do you want? :'''Kyle''': What do I want? I want a world... where laughter doesn't come at someone else's expense. Where people can live freely without fear of being farted on. I want a world where you aren't ridiculed for trying to help. A world where a nice girl that I liked isn't turned into another Eric Cartman! These Canadians are in the way of that world, and everything they do and everything they have done needs to be ERASED from the Earth! :'''Mr. Garrison''': Jeez, I got a little chub. === ''[[w:Splatty Tomato|Splatty Tomato]]'' [21.10] === [[Category:South Park seasons]] :'''Craig''': ''[comforting Tweek]'' There there, Tweek. Everything is going to be okay. :'''Tweek''': I saw what I saw, Craig! You have to believe me! :'''Stan''': What's going on? :'''Craig''': Tweek's having a panic attack. :'''Tweek''': It was real! He tried to get me! :'''Kyle''': Who did? :'''Tweek''': The President! :'''Craig''': It's just your imagination, Tweek. :'''Stan''': It's not his imagination. I saw him too. :'''Kyle''': You saw the President? :'''Stan''': Out by the quarry. But I didn't believe it. I said, "How could this be?" :'''Heidi''': "The President?" I saw him too. He had a blue suit and an orange face. He kept asking me "How are my ap-" :'''Token''': "How are my approval ratings?" I saw him too. :'''Stan''': Dude, isn't this all really familiar? I saw something just like this on that show called ''Stranger-'' :'''Randy''': ''Stranger Things. Stranger Things'' is the show. I saw it too. :'''Craig''': But wait, isn't ''Stranger Things'' just like that movie-? :'''Cartman''': Just like that movie ''IT''. :'''Randy''': You saw ''IT'' too? :'''Cartman''': Yeah, I saw ''IT'' in the theater. :'''Token''': I saw ''Stranger Things'' and ''IT''. :'''Randy''': Jesus, I don't think anyone's imagining anything. I think the President IS here. You kids get inside somewhere. I have to warn the town! ''[gets on his bike and rides off, only to fall on his face]'' Aw! <hr width="50%"> :'''Heidi''': ''[takes the gun out of Robert's hand and aims it at Cartman; enraged]'' You piece of shit! This was all ''your'' fault! You controlled me, and manipulated me, and turned me into ''this!'' :'''Cartman''': ''[with his hands up]'' Baby, put down the gun, sweetheart, okay? :'''Heidi''': I used to be kind! I used to be caring! But then you... you... ''[realizes]'' No. Not you. Me. ''I'' did this. I let being a victim become a way of life. If you always make yourself the victim, you can justify being awful. Eric... I'm sorry. I'm breaking up with you. :'''Cartman''': Honey, don't be ridiculous. :'''Heidi''': I've ''been'' ridiculous. I have to learn to stop feeling sorry for myself. :'''Cartman''': Heidi, you are ''not'' breaking up with me. :'''Heidi''': Yes, I am. It's over. :'''Cartman''': I'm afraid I can't let you do that, sweetheart! ''[grabs the gun and threatens to use it to kill himself]'' Step back! I'll do it, I swear to God! :'''Heidi''': It's not gonna work this time, Eric. :'''Cartman''': You break up with me, I will kill myself! The choice is yours, Heidi! Come on everybody! "Eric, we don't want you to die." :'''Heidi''': I'm sorry. You can be the victim. I can't. f300yqxy611nx01bfulk8k0nbylxjg0 3778774 3778770 2025-07-14T18:11:50Z 2600:1700:C361:A40:598C:AA99:C4B7:8F3B /* Hummels & Heroin [21.05] */ 3778774 wikitext text/x-wiki {{DISPLAYTITLE:''South Park''/Season 21}} {{South Park header}} '''''[[w:South Park|South Park]]''''' (1997–present) is an adult animated television series created by [[w:Trey Parker|Trey Parker]] and [[w:Matt Stone|Matt Stone]]. Distributed by and airing on Comedy Central, it follows the surreal adventures of four young boys who live in the small town of South Park, Colorado. {{tv-stub}} === ''[[w:White People Renovating Houses|White People Renovating Houses]]'' [21.01] === :'''Liane''': Oh, hi, Poopsie. :'''Cartman''': Mom, Alexa left! She's not here! :'''Liane''': Oh, yes, sweetie. We had to get rid of Alexa. :'''Cartman''': What have you done with her? :'''Liane''': Oh, it's okay, sweetie. We have Jim Bob now. :'''Cartman''': What's a Jim Bob?? :'''Jim Bob''': Doot-doot. Awaiting request. :'''Liane''': He works the same and makes sure people don't lose their jobs. Jim Bob, what time is it? :'''Jim Bob''': ''[checks his watch]'' Doot doot, it is 3:27. :'''Liane''': Ooh, Mommy's gotta run, sweetie. Jim Bob, how's the traffic to town? :'''Jim Bob''': Doot-doot, traffic's fine. You'll get there in about nine minutes. :'''Liane''': ''[to Cartman]'' Okay, you want some music, hun? Jim Bob, play [[w: Kendrick Lamar|Kendrick Lamar]]. :'''Jim Bob''': Playing "[[w:Humble (Kendrick Lamar song)|Humble]]" by Kendrick Lamar. 🎵 I remember syrup sandwiches and crime and allowances. Finesse a (doot) with some counterfeits... 🎵 :'''Cartman''': Jim Bob, ''[Jim Bob stops singing]'' Simon says "big frosty [[w:Semen|semen]] shake." :'''Jim Bob''': The hell you talkin' 'bout, boy?! ''[strums again]'' 🎵 My left hook just went viraaaaaal. Sit down, be humble 🎵 :'''Cartman''': NOOOOOOOOO! === ''[[w:Put It Down (South Park)|Put It Down]]'' [21.02] === :'''Tweek''': Oh, my god! What is that?! ''What is that?!'' :'''Craig''': It's probably nothing. Everything's fine. :'''Tweek''': Will you please stop saying that?! I can't take it! :'''Craig''': I'm trying to make you feel better! :'''Tweek''': Well, maybe I don't ''want'' to feel better right now! :'''Craig''': Okay, but think about that. That actually doesn't make any sense. :'''Tweek''': Why do you have to be so logical?! I don't need you to problem-solve all the time! I need you to... ''[yells] I don't know!'' :'''Craig''': Tweek, honey. All week, you've been freaking out and ''I've'' been the one forced to deal with it. :'''Tweek''': You haven't been dealing with it! You've been trying to make it go away because my emotions ''are freaking you out!'' :''[A young girl behind Tweek is run over by a bumper car]'' :'''Craig''': Tweek, North Korea isn't bombing anyone. They would lose the support of China, and that would be - :'''Tweek''': There you go again! Stop preaching facts to me! ''It's not what I need!'' :'''Craig''': Well, I'm sorry that I'm actually in control of my goddamn emotions, ''you baby! [beat]'' Oh, see? Now you made me lose control of my emotions. Goddamn it. :''[Craig leaves. Tweek quivers then screams]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Heidi Turner''': Eric, you need to stop. What they're doing is important. :'''Eric Cartman''': They're doing a memorial service with speeches and crying. What's that gonna solve? :'''Heidi Turner''': It's not about problem solving, Eric. It's about people getting together and feeling what they need to feel. People need help sorting out their emotions sometimes. And the best thing isn't always quick answers but just being there, supporting each other and talking through those feelings. <hr width=50%/> :''[Tweek reads that his cupcake peace offering to North Korea has failed; President Garrison tweeted that Tweek probably defecated in the batter]'' :'''Tweek''': [screams] ''What?!'' Why would he ''say'' that?! :'''Craig''': Tweek, calm down. <hr width=50%/> :'''Craig''': Tweek! What's going on? :'''Tweek''': What?! What do you mean what's going on?! The same shit that's been going on! :'''Craig''': Nothing's gotten any better?! Oh, my God! How does that make you feel? :'''Tweek''': I feel scared! I feel alone! :'''Craig''': That must be horrible to feel that way! It must be hard for you to even think! :'''Tweek''': It is! ''[jumps off the bed]'' It's terrible! :'''Craig''': I bet it's terrible! What else are you feeling? :'''Tweek''': Like - Like I have no control over my life! Like I'm just a pawn in a big game. :'''Craig''': Oh, that's a terrifying thought. You must feel trapped! :'''Tweek''': Yeah, like trapped but, like, completely unable to even move! :'''Craig''': Jesus! It's like there's no solution to any of this! What are you gonna do? What ''can'' you do?! :'''Tweek''': I don't know! It's-It's like maybe-maybe I have to find a way to feel a little in charge of me again. :'''Craig''': That sounds so insurmountable, though. How would you even start? :'''Tweek''': I don't know, but I-I gotta do something about this. There's gotta be a way I can... ''[calms, turns to Craig and smiles]'' Thank you, Craig. === ''[[w:Holiday Special (South Park)|Holiday Special]]'' [21.03] === === ''[[w:Franchise Prequel|Franchise Prequel]]'' [21.04] === :''[The parents are all having a meeting at Jimmy's house and drinking coffee]'' :'''Ryan''': Thanks for coming, everyone. I know you are all concerned as Sarah and I are about what's happening to our children. :'''Thomas''': I just... can't believe that children in our town are dressing up in hero costumes and peeing in each other's mouths. :'''Randy''': And who are these kids? Does anyone know? They're wearing capes and forcing objects into their own rectal cavities? Why? :'''Steve''': ''[referring to himself and his wife]'' We were shocked to read that a young African-American boy is wearing Tupperware and defecating on girls while they sleep. What if those kids are hanging out with our kids? :'''Stephen''': You know what I think the problem is? Facebook. :'''Randy''': Facebook? How so? :'''Stephen''': Well, look, we all know there's a lot of mixing of truth and fiction that's been on Facebook lately, and children lack the cognitive ability to determine what's true and what isn't on Facebook. That's why we now have young kids dressing up in costumes, eating poop, and having sex with antelopes in our town. :'''Thomas''': Maybe we need to get our kids ''off'' of Facebook. :'''Randy''': That'll never happen. You know what I say we do? Let's invite Mark Zuckerberg to come and talk to us all about our concerns in this community. :'''Linda''': Do you really think he'd come? :'''Stephen''': Why not give it a try? Let's invite Mark Zuckerberg here and see what he has to say? I'm sure he's a reasonable person. ''[sips his coffee]'' <hr width="50%"> :'''Stephen''': ''[while dragging Butters]'' You think you're just so smart, don't you? :'''Butters''': No, sir. :'''Stephen''': Make me look a fool, will you? We'll just see about this! ''[he and his son enter Vladimir's office]'' Not so funny now, is it? Go on! Tell Mr. Putin what you told me! :'''Butters''': Well, I was just, I just said how I'd use Facebook like Russia did. And I really didn't break any rules and-- :'''Stephen''': Didn't break any rules! Good job teaching our children that's all that matters! Just because there's a way to (either) cause chaos in a town, or disrupt an entire country, doesn't mean you go and do it, does it?! If Mark Zuckerberg points a loaded cannon at someone's face, ''[points to Vladimir]'' are you innocent for just lighting the fuse?! Answer me! :'''Putin''': Nyet, sir. (No, sir.) :'''Stephen''': No! You don't go around making things about people either, unless it's about Mark Zuckerberg 'cause he deserves it. ''[walks to the door]'' I hope you're both ''very'' satisfied with the damage you've caused, because you're '''both''' ''GROUNDED! [leaves the office, slamming the door behind him]'' === ''[[w:Hummels & Heroin|Hummels & Heroin]]'' [21.05] === :''[Episode starts with some kids at a birthday party in the Preston family's backyard and celebrating Marcus' birthday]'' :'''Marcus' Dad''': ''[on microphone]'' Okay, okay, can everyone hear me? Hello? Thanks, everyone, for helping us celebrate Marcus' birthday. As a special birthday surprise for you, Marcus, we got you your favorite entertainer. Everyone, please welcome Chuck E. Cheese. :'''Chuck E. Cheese''': Hey. Check. :'''Marcus''': Yes. Yehehehehes. :'''Chuck E. Cheese''': ''[rather clearly appearing so strung out he can barely stand]'' I ah thanks... for'm celeb... Marcus's birthday.... :'''Marcus' Mom''': What's wrong with him? :'''Marcus' Dad''': Can't you tell? He's high on painkillers! :'''Chuck E. Cheese''': ''[tries to remember what he's supposed to play]'' Hold on. Shit. Okay, let's.... Let's do this! ''[slams a riff on his guitar]'' ''[[w:Purple Rain (song)| ♫ Never meant to cause you any sor-♫]]'' ''[projectile vomits with enough force to spew out of the holes in his costume head, before he falls off the stage, dead, as Marcus can only scream in horror]'' :'''Marcus' Dad''': All right, kids, uh, why don't we head back to the party and cut the cake? :'''Marcus''': I don't want cake! Who's gonna eat cake at a time like this?! (''crying'') :'''Man 1''': Another drug overdose? :'''Man 2''': Most likely. Percolate and Oxycontin found wrapped in his cheesecloth. :'''Man 1''': Prescription drugs, but with no prescription :'''Man 2''': You guys know where all these illegal meds are coming from? :'''Man 1''': Most likely from the prisons. Whenever there's a drug epidemic you can usually trace it back to people who've been... thrown away by society and forgotten about. <hr width=50%> :'''Kyle''': Dude, Stan. Come on, dude, we're gonna go set off fireworks at Kenny's house. :'''Stan''': I will. I just gotta do this for my grandpa first. :'''Eric''': Again? Dude, how many crappy crochet pillows do you have to give out for him? :'''Stan''': I don't know. It's what he wants. I feel bad for him, all right? I think he's miserable. :'''Eric''': He's old. He's supposed to be miserable. :'''Stan''': Look, I just gotta make this exchange for him and then we can go. Oh, oh, I think this is her now. :'''Swiper''': Are you Stan Marsh? It's me, Swiper. :'''Stan''': Cool. Do you have the Hummel? :'''Swiper''': This is it. Ride Into Christmas, Limited Edition. Now give me the pillow. I have to get to a birthday party. :'''Stan''': 'Kay, fine. :'''Swiper''': All right, peace. :'''Kyle''': Dude, that's really weird. <hr width=50%> :'''Marcus''': Students, faculty, and staff, today we are facing an epidemic of catastrophic proportions. I know I am not alone in mourning the loss of one of our greatest entertainers, Chuck E. Cheese. Had we known the personal hell he was going through, perhaps we could've helped. But too many were more than eager to supply Chuck E. with the opioids that caused his untimely death. Chuck E. was not the first entertainer to die from this epidemic. Let us not forget Dinkie Dook the Clown, dead of a Roxanol overdose at Tommy Schneider's bar mitzvah last March. Shimmer and Shine, who both collapsed from massive amounts of oxycodone at Nelly Anderson's birthday party. Spider-Man, cut down in his prime by Demerol, and just recently, Swiper the Fox, dead of multiple opioids found in his crochet pillow. How many more entertainers must we lose before we take action?! It is time to declare war on opioids in our society! <hr width=50%> :'''Eric''': Dude, what the fuck, Stan?! :'''Stan''': I don't know, all right?! :'''Kyle''': You didn't know you were slinging drugs for your grandpa? :'''Stan''': It didn't occur to me as a possibility. :'''Eric''': Dude, did you hear everyone in school?! They're coming after you! You killed Swiper the Fox, and ''we'' were standing there with you! You gotta tell people we had no idea what was going on! :'''Stan''': I had no idea what was going on! :'''Butters''': ''[enters the bathroom]'' Hey, fellas! Boy, that Marcus kid is on the warpath, huh? Well, he's really motivated. I mean, screw that kid, but I guess it's good somebody's finally doing something about these goddamn drug dealers. Well, see ya, fellas. ''[leaves the bathroom]'' :'''Eric''': Our only way out is to go to the police right now and turn Stan's grandpa in! :'''Stan''': No, we don't have to do that! Let me talk to him. I can put a stop to this. <hr width=50%> :'''Marcus''': ''[answers the phone]'' Yes? :'''Annie''': We're at Mimi Thompson's party. Peppa Pig just collapsed on stage! :'''Marcus''': Oh, my God! Don't let anyone near Peppa Pig until I arrive! ''[arrives at the scenery]'' Move aside! Let me through! Aw, Peppa. Peppa, can you hear me? My name is Marcus Preston. Can you understand me? Where did you get the drugs, Peppa? Was it from Stan Marsh? :'''Peppa Pig''': Yo, man, what you talkin' about? Get me a fuckin' ambulance! :'''Marcus''': Shh, Peppa, focus. Soon, you'll be in heaven jumping in all the muddy puddles you can imagine. But first, you must tell me, where do the Hummels go, Peppa? :'''Ambulance lady''': All right, let us through. Get away, kids. :'''Marcus''': Peppa, now! Why Hummels?! You've got to squeal! :'''Peppa Pig''': Old people. Old people... love... Hummels. :'''Marcus''': It's okay, she's with Chuck E. Cheese now. <hr width=50%> :'''Marcus''': Hello, Mr. Marsh! :'''Stan''': Marcus. :'''Marcus''': I told you I'd bring you down. :'''Stan''': Marcus, it's not what you think. I'm trying to make things better here. :'''Marcus''': Oh, I bet you are! You, your grandpa, ALL the people here, are going to jail! I'm calling the police! :'''Stan''': You can put an end to this place, but you won't be stopping the problem. These people are victims too, Marcus. Victims of a way bigger game being played by way bigger people! :'''Marcus''': Oh, you're a fine one for speeches! When it comes to saving your own ass! :'''Stan''': It's not for me, Marcus. Look, I know you loved Chuck E. Cheese. I know you'd do anything to bring down the people who took him from you. That's why you have to go further, Marcus. Take it to the people who profited from Chuck E.'s addiction. :'''Marcus''': ''[crying]'' He was just a mouse… who wanted to make people happy. :'''Stan''': I know. I know. === ''[[w:Sons a Witches|Sons a Witches]]'' [21.06] === :''[Morning at the Marsh residence…]'' :'''Randy''': ''[comes down the stairs, goes to the fridge, gets out a gallon of fruit punch, and drinks straight from it, sighing with satisfaction; then turns and notices Sharon crossing her arms]'' Oh. Hey, didn't see you there. :'''Sharon''': Did you hear anything about what happened last night? :'''Randy''': Uuuhhh, no, what happened? :'''Sharon''': Your buddy, Chip Duncan? ''[holds up her phone, showing last night's news]'' Apparently, he flew around on a broom, blew things up, and kidnapped some children? :'''Randy''': Are you serious?! :'''Sharon''': You heard nothing about this?! He flew away vowing we'd all be dead by Halloween! :'''Randy''': God, I knew that guy was a fuckin' chode. :'''Sharon''': Randy, what did you guys do at that party? :'''Randy''': Nothin'. We were just hangin' out and talkin' and stuff, and then Chip got all weird. :'''Sharon''': People were hurt! :'''Randy''': Yeah, I agree! It's awful! We're not like Chip, okay?! He's a bad witch! <hr width=50%> :'''Sharon''': You can't possibly be considering doing this again! :'''Randy''': Why not? :'''Sharon''': Randy a '''''real''''' witch is flying around in the sky snatching children! I don't think this is the best time for you to be wearing a witch costume and partying. :'''Randy''': Ugh. Gah! Just because of one bad witch, we're supposed to stop a tradition that goes back twenty-some-odd years?! Jesus! <hr width=50%> :''[South Park Elementary; the students and parents are all gathered in the gymnasium]'' :'''Mayor McDaniels''': Students and parents, I know that you are all concerned about the witch who is preying upon our town. And I wanna speak to you all about how to try and protect yourselves. But first, some gentlemen have asked to speak on what they perceive to be a "witch pursuit thing". === ''[[w:Doubling Down (South Park)|Doubling Down]]'' [21.07] === :'''Cartman''': That dirty whore! Who does that bitch think she is?! Packing my lunch for me?! Fuck her, dude! :'''Jimmy''': Pissed off at your girlfriend again, huh, Eric? :'''Cartman''': She's not a girlfriend. She's a controlling, manipulative whore! :'''Kyle''': That's enough, Cartman! I am so sick of hearing you call Heidi horrible things! :'''Cartman''': That's because you don't understand how much it sucks to be in a relationship! ---- :'''Steven Black''': Heidi? Turner? The Turners' daughter? :'''Cartman''': Yeah... :'''Steven Black''': I thought she was with that Kyle Broflovski kid. :'''Cartman''': What? :'''Steven Black''': I saw them at the park today, holding hands. :'''Cartman''': Kyle? Kyle?! '''Kyle!!''' [a montage begins with five marching happy Kyles appearing] Kyle! Kyle! Kyle Kyle Kyle! [a big red heart appears and breaks, and a line of smiling Kyles marches out of it in shades of pink. Next scene is a Jewish dance performed by hasidim. Next scene is Cartman out on the street striking a match...] Kyle! [...and burning a giant flag on the ground with it.] Kyle! [the flames spread to fill up the screen. The next scene shows a cackling Kyle coming up out of the water like a giant sea monster as Eric and Heidi hold on to each other. Kyle holds a menorah reminiscent of a trident. Next scene is another group of hasidim dancing] Kyle! [next scene is Cartman and Heidi running away, only to be stopped by Kyle popping up before them like an exploding volcano, cackling. Cartman and Heidi turn and run away again, but the ground around them is compromised and Kyle's shadow covers them both as they look up at him. Next scene is back at the dining room at Tolkien's mansion] Kyle... :'''Steven Black''': Yeah, Kyle. === ''[[w:Moss Piglets (South Park)|Moss Piglets]]'' [21.08] === :'''Wendy''': Is it just me, or are things around here getting worse and worse? :'''Millie''': It's definitely not just you. I think everyone's in shock that Heidi went back to Cartman. :'''Theresa''': What keeps driving her back to him? It's so weird. :'''Isla''': She's so… mean and angry these days. :'''Wendy''': People change. They say you become more and more like the person you're with, and I guess it's true with Heidi. :'''Heidi''': ''[joining them at the table]'' Hey, guys. What's up? :'''Isla''': ''[fearfully]'' Hey, Heidi. :'''Heidi''': What are you guys talkin' about? :'''Nichole''': Nothing. :'''Heidi''': Bullcrap, you're all talkin' about me again. 'Cause you're judgmental bitches. ''[belches]'' Ehh… :'''Wendy''': Heidi, are you okay? It's just… you look… :'''Heidi''': I look what? :'''Wendy''': You know, y-you just look… :'''Heidi''': What? I look fat? Is that what you wanna say, Wendy? Fuck you, bitch! :'''Theresa''': She's just concerned, Heidi. :'''Heidi''': ''[mimicking Theresa]'' "Mehmehmehmehmehhh, Heidi." I'm just trying to enjoy my lunch here! Can I do it without you guys shitting on all over me? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Heidi''': ''[enters Mr. Mackey's office]'' You wanted to see me, Mr. Mackey? :'''Mr. Mackey''': Oh, yes, Heidi. Uh, we just wanted to see if you have transportation to the Special Ed Science Fair this weekend, or if you wanted us to set something up for you. :'''Heidi''': What? :'''Mr. Mackey''': …Uh, Saturday is the science fair, and, you're the judge for the competition? :'''Heidi''': Judge a special needs science fair? Ahem, no thanks. :'''Mr. Mackey''': Well, Heidi, is there a problem with you being the judge this weekend? :'''Heidi''': Uhh, yeah? It's Saturday, and I don't wanna be at school? :'''Mr. Mackey''': But, you're always the judge of the Special Ed Science Fair because you're our best science student. :'''Heidi''': So, now I'm gonna be punished by being force to judge a bunch of handicapped kids?! :'''Mr. Mackey''': But… Okay, you see, the problem is that you volunteered last month, Heidi. You said you wanted to do it, m'kay? :'''Heidi''': Well, how can you expect students to commit to things a month in advance?! I don't even know what I want for dinner tonight. :'''Mr. Mackey''': Look, the kids have worked really hard and have done some amazing projects. :'''Heidi''': You're gonna force me to come to school on a Saturday?! :'''Mr. Mackey''': Heidi, eh… is everything all right? :'''Heidi''': Oh, what? Are you gonna call me fat now too?! It just so happens I'm a vegan, which means it'd difficult for me to get enough protein, so my body doesn't burn fat, it burns muscle, which makes it look like I'm fat, but I'm actually WAY healthier than any of YOU! :'''Mr. Mackey''': Heidi, you're judging the Special Ed Science Fair this weekend. :'''Heidi''': Oh, Goddammit! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Wendy, Isla, Theresa, and Heidi are waiting at the bus stop]'' :'''Heidi''': ''[frustrated]'' This is bullcrap! How can they force me to be the Science Fair judge?! Now I know how it feels to be a slave! :'''Wendy''': It's…not exactly like being a slave, Heidi. :'''Heidi''': Yes, it is! Am I being paid to judge the Science Fair?! No! Do I have a choice?! No! Ooh, yes, massa! Let me judge that Science Fair for you, sir! :'''Theresa''': God, will you stop?! :'''Heidi''': Theresa, don't get all aggro on me because you're pissed off your family lives in a trailer. :'''Theresa''': My family doesn't live in a trailer. We live in a tiny home. My parents downsized to make a smaller footprint on the environment. :'''Heidi''': That's what I said. Your family lives in a trailer. :'''Theresa''': There's lots of progressive people living in tiny homes. There's five others on my block. :'''Heidi''': Right. That's called a "trailer park." :'''Theresa''': ''[embarrassed]'' I don't live in a trailer park! :'''Wendy''': Just don't even respond to her. Just ignore her. :'''Heidi''': I'll try, but she's such a bitch. :'''Isla''': She wasn't talking to you, Heidi. :'''Heidi''': Oh, looks like Isla has something to say, you guys. Hold on, I'm sure this is going to be really profound. Go ahead, Isla, knock us out with you wit and satire. This should be good, you guys. :'''Cartman''': ''[walks up to Heidi]'' Hey, Heidi, what's up? :'''Heidi''': ''[uninterested]'' Oh, hey, babe, what's going on? :'''Cartman''': What are you up to? :'''Heidi''': Nothing, just talking to my girlfriends about tiny homes. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Heidi''': Butters! :'''Butters''': ''[turns around, startled]'' Oh! Hey! :'''Heidi''': How would you like to be the judge for the Special Ed Science Fair this weekend? :'''Butters''': Uh, I can't. I'm going to a birthday party. :'''Cartman''': Butters, don't be a dick! :'''Heidi''': Yeah, don't make up excuses because judging handicapped students sounds terrible. :'''Cartman''': Yeah, Butters. God. :'''Clyde''': He's not making it up. It's ''my'' birthday party. :'''Cartman''': Well, then could you invite Heidi, please? She needs an excuse not to have to go to the special needs science fair. :'''Stan''': What's wrong with supporting them? They're our friends. :'''Heidi''': Because nobody wants to be trapped in a gym with Special Ed science. :'''Kyle''': Actually, some other projects are pretty cool. :'''Cartman & Heidi''': Shut up, Kyle! Samesies! ''[both kiss]'' :'''Heidi''': Look, it's all just a complete waste of time. It's not like a Special Ed Science Fair is actually gonna contribute to society. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Heidi''': ''[pacing around Cartman, upset]'' What the hell is going on?! Everywhere I turn, people are being given handouts while I'm forced to work my ass off! It's total bullshit! :'''Cartman''': Yeah… uh… Babe, uh I understand that you're pissed off, but, um, you know, it is recess. Maybe we should relax and have some fun? :'''Heidi''': ''[stops pacing]'' Relax?! How can I relax?! I get straight A's! I ace every test! And who gets all the support?! The Special Ed Department! <hr width="50%"/> :''[The students are all assembled in the gymnasium as Heidi gives out an announcement, with Cartman standing next to her]'' :'''Heidi''': ''[standing on the podium]'' Fellow students, I have asked to speak today because of the hypocrisy and bullying that is coming from the administration at this so-called school. It is an outrage that our principal and counselor demand our participation in privileged programs that are outrageously overfunded. Why is it that the school allows funding that only goes to special-needs students? Are the rest of us not special? If we are continually asked to work for no money and ask our parents to pay for ''our'' programs, then soon we will all be poor, and forced to live in a trailer park, like Theresa. :'''Theresa''': It's not a trailer! :'''Heidi''': Theresa, get over it. You live in a trailer park. It's not a big deal. :'''Cartman''': Uh, okay, honey. You're kind of getting off topic, sweetie. :'''Heidi''': What did you say?! :'''Cartman''': I just… I just want you to stay on point so we can get this over with. :'''Heidi''': "GET THIS OVER WITH?!" You're supposed to be supporting me! :'''Cartman''': I ''am'' supporting you, sweetheart! :'''Heidi''': Being supportive doesn't mean you criticize me, asshole! Just forget it! My point is, if the school administration doesn't cancel the science fair, I will see to it that they are all fired for discrimination! :'''Mr. Mackey''': ''[to PC Principal]'' She's kind of like Cartman, but with the ability to follow through. :'''PC Principal''': Oh, dude. Bro. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Jerry''': ''[seeing the water bears adapting]'' Son of a bitch, we just might have ourselves some fans! <hr width="50%"/> :''[The NFL Owners, Special Ed Kids, PC Principal, Mr. Mackey, and Cartman all chase after Heidi and corner her in the school foyer while she's carrying the water bears]'' :'''Cartman''': Heidi, seriously, you need to listen to me! :'''Heidi''': ''[catching her breath]'' I don't… have to listen… to anybody! :'''Cartman''': Yes, yes you do! You need to listen! :'''Heidi''': Fuck you! :'''Cartman''': No, fuck you! :'''Jerry''': Little girl, please! What you have in your hand is very special. :'''Heidi''': Well, I'm sick of everyone treating me like shit! :'''Jerry''': Think about the NFL. How much joy it brings to everyone! :'''Nathan''': Don't listen to them. Give the water bears to me. I deserve all the fame and bitches. :'''Cartman''': Heidi, you've gotta stop being so angry. :'''Jerry''': Look, if you- if you don't do it for the NFL, what about humanity? Those creatures are showing the first signs of sentience. Think about what they could mean for science. For medicine. Making people better. :'''Cartman''': Come on, babe. We all want the old Heidi back. :'''Heidi''': ''[looks up at the balcony, noticing Wendy, Theresa, and Isla looking down upon her, looks down at the water bears, then looks up again]'' Screw all you guys! ''[chugs down the whole fish bowl, killing the water bears]'' :'''NFL Owners and Special Ed Kids''': NOOOO!!! === ''[[w:Super Hard PCness|Super Hard PCness]]'' [21.09] === :'''PC Principal''': Alright, everyone. Listen up. As you all know, we've been looking for a strong woman to take on the role of vice principal at this school. We couldn't be happier with the selection we've made and we're sure she'll be making our school a better place. So with that let me turn over the floor to our new vice principal, Strong Woman. ''[applause all around]'' :'''Strong Woman''': Thanks everyone. Alright, listen up. ''[gathers her papers up]'' I fully appreciate that some of you might be uncomfortable with me being here. Earlier today, I noticed that some faculty weren't sure whether to call me "Miss Woman" or just "Strong." If I were a man, you'd probably address me as Vice Principal Woman, so why should it be any different, huh? We good? :'''Mr. Mackey''': Uhm'kay. :'''Strong Woman''': So I've been getting to know some of the students here and I'm definitely hearing a lot of frustration and confusion over issues that all the schools are facing right now. I also spent some time observing in the cafeteria and was pretty shocked by the abusive and intolerant language. ''[as she speaks, Hootie & The Blowfish's "Hold My Hand" begins to play in PC Principal's head]'' Not sure if any of you have noticed, but a lot of the girls are eating their lunches out on the playground to avoid being around the toxic environment that's been created. It's my intention to make the cafeteria... P.E. class is another huge problem at this school. The girls' gym outfits seem not to have been updated since the '60s. We have a lot of work to do here. I intend to do it quickly. ''[in PC Principal's mind, everything around her fades out and all he sees is her against a pink background with hearts everywhere, soon replaced by flowers and leaves, then a blue sky with clouds]'' :'''Mr. Mackey''': Excuse me uh, I'm sorry, but uh, is anyone else hearing Hootie & The Blowfish like, very very softly? :'''Substitute Teacher''': Yeah, yeah, I hear it. :'''Strong Woman''': ''[rises and walks towards PC Principal]'' It's, it's coming from over here somewhere. :'''PC Principal''': E-excuse me everyone, I um, I need to get to the restroom. Sorry, I'll be right back. ''[rushes out the door, and the song disappears with him]'' ---- :'''Kyle''': ''[on the phone with Mr. Garrison as Donald Trump]'' Yes, This is Millennials Against Canada. :'''Mr. Garrison''': Yeah, listen, this thing's kind of escalating. You people need to call it quits. :'''Kyle''': We can't do that, Mr. President. Someone has to do what's right. :'''Mr. Garrison''': What exactly do you want? :'''Kyle''': What do I want? I want a world... where laughter doesn't come at someone else's expense. Where people can live freely without fear of being farted on. I want a world where you aren't ridiculed for trying to help. A world where a nice girl that I liked isn't turned into another Eric Cartman! These Canadians are in the way of that world, and everything they do and everything they have done needs to be ERASED from the Earth! :'''Mr. Garrison''': Jeez, I got a little chub. === ''[[w:Splatty Tomato|Splatty Tomato]]'' [21.10] === [[Category:South Park seasons]] :'''Craig''': ''[comforting Tweek]'' There there, Tweek. Everything is going to be okay. :'''Tweek''': I saw what I saw, Craig! You have to believe me! :'''Stan''': What's going on? :'''Craig''': Tweek's having a panic attack. :'''Tweek''': It was real! He tried to get me! :'''Kyle''': Who did? :'''Tweek''': The President! :'''Craig''': It's just your imagination, Tweek. :'''Stan''': It's not his imagination. I saw him too. :'''Kyle''': You saw the President? :'''Stan''': Out by the quarry. But I didn't believe it. I said, "How could this be?" :'''Heidi''': "The President?" I saw him too. He had a blue suit and an orange face. He kept asking me "How are my ap-" :'''Token''': "How are my approval ratings?" I saw him too. :'''Stan''': Dude, isn't this all really familiar? I saw something just like this on that show called ''Stranger-'' :'''Randy''': ''Stranger Things. Stranger Things'' is the show. I saw it too. :'''Craig''': But wait, isn't ''Stranger Things'' just like that movie-? :'''Cartman''': Just like that movie ''IT''. :'''Randy''': You saw ''IT'' too? :'''Cartman''': Yeah, I saw ''IT'' in the theater. :'''Token''': I saw ''Stranger Things'' and ''IT''. :'''Randy''': Jesus, I don't think anyone's imagining anything. I think the President IS here. You kids get inside somewhere. I have to warn the town! ''[gets on his bike and rides off, only to fall on his face]'' Aw! <hr width="50%"> :'''Heidi''': ''[takes the gun out of Robert's hand and aims it at Cartman; enraged]'' You piece of shit! This was all ''your'' fault! You controlled me, and manipulated me, and turned me into ''this!'' :'''Cartman''': ''[with his hands up]'' Baby, put down the gun, sweetheart, okay? :'''Heidi''': I used to be kind! I used to be caring! But then you... you... ''[realizes]'' No. Not you. Me. ''I'' did this. I let being a victim become a way of life. If you always make yourself the victim, you can justify being awful. Eric... I'm sorry. I'm breaking up with you. :'''Cartman''': Honey, don't be ridiculous. :'''Heidi''': I've ''been'' ridiculous. I have to learn to stop feeling sorry for myself. :'''Cartman''': Heidi, you are ''not'' breaking up with me. :'''Heidi''': Yes, I am. It's over. :'''Cartman''': I'm afraid I can't let you do that, sweetheart! ''[grabs the gun and threatens to use it to kill himself]'' Step back! I'll do it, I swear to God! :'''Heidi''': It's not gonna work this time, Eric. :'''Cartman''': You break up with me, I will kill myself! The choice is yours, Heidi! Come on everybody! "Eric, we don't want you to die." :'''Heidi''': I'm sorry. You can be the victim. I can't. 67qd3qrxmg59a9ax4prpzzrea8tdmvk 0 210179 3778767 3778270 2025-07-14T18:01:16Z 2600:1700:C361:A40:598C:AA99:C4B7:8F3B /* Unfulfilled [22.09] */ 3778767 wikitext text/x-wiki {{DISPLAYTITLE:''South Park''/Season 22}} {{South Park header}} '''''[[w:South Park|South Park]]''''' (1997–present) is an adult animated television series created by [[w:Trey Parker|Trey Parker]] and [[w:Matt Stone|Matt Stone]]. Distributed by and airing on Comedy Central, it follows the surreal adventures of four young boys who live in the small town of South Park, Colorado. === ''[[w:Dead Kids|Dead Kids]] [22.01]'' === :'''Ms. Nelson''': ''[handing the students back their graded math exams]'' I want you all to take a close look at your math exams, children. Some of you did very well, but many of you did not. :'''Cartman''': ''[dismayed that he got an F]'' Aw, man! :'''Ms. Nelson''': The addition of fractions is very simple. Let's run through it again. How do we solve this first one? :''[Sounds of gunshots and children screaming are heard from outside in the hallway]'' :'''Butters''': ''[raises his hand]'' Add together the 3 and the 3! :'''Ms. Nelson''': Good, Butters. We add the 3's together. And what about the 4's? Token? :'''Token''': They're the denominators, so they stay a 4. <hr width=50%> :'''Stan''': Some kid shot up the school. :'''Randy''': Who shot up the schoo-- was it you? :'''Stan''': No. :'''Randy''': Did you get shot? :'''Stan''': No. :'''Randy''': Oh... ''[goes back to cutting his steak]'' Well, what's this about failing a math quiz? :'''Sharon''': ''[pounds the table, angrily]'' Are you serious?! Did you not hear what your child said?! Kids '''''died''''' at his school! :'''Randy''': I'm sorry, Sharon. I... :'''Sharon''': Why are you all acting like this is normal?! What is wrong with you people?! ''[storms upstairs]'' :'''Stan''': What's up Mom's ass? :''[Later that night, Sharon is angrily putting up laundry in the master bedroom with her eyes almost tearing up]'' :'''Randy''': ''[entering]'' Hey, Sharon. You doing okay? :'''Sharon''': No, I'm not okay! Children were '''''shot!''''' They were ''killed'' at a school where they were supposed to be safe! :'''Randy''': Uh-huh, and... what else is going on? :'''Sharon''': Why does there need to be anything else?! ''[in unison]'' ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! :'''Randy''': ''[in unison]'' I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Sharon. :'''Sharon''': Why isn't anyone else emotional?! :'''Randy''': Hon, uh… when was your last… I mean, you know how sometimes things can seem like a little bigger deal 'cause, you know, you're… down there? :'''Sharon''': Don't you ''dare'' suggest that I'm only emotional because it's… :'''Randy''': I'm… I'm just… I'm just pointing out that it is around that time. :'''Sharon''': GET OUT, RANDY! I'm not overreacting! <hr width=50%> :''[Marsh residence; Sharon has called a group of parents together for a meeting]'' :'''Sharon''': Thanks for coming, everybody. I'm sure you all heard there was ''yet'' another school shooting today. We have to figure out what we're going to do as parents, because this whole thing is out of control! We have to ask ourselves why this is happening and do something now! :'''Stephen''': Well, you know, Sharon, I think... it s a complex issue, you know. It's... it's not really as simple as just... ''[Randy perks up and begins signing to him furiously; It basically amounts to "Stop! Stop! It's Sharon! She's menstruating!"]'' What I'm saying is that, that with issues like this, sometimes you have to be kind of... ''[begins to see what Randy is doing: "she's touched in the head"]'' crazy? :'''Sharon''': What are you talking about? ''[Randy pulls out a red handkerchief and pretends it's a bloody tampon]'' Do you understand that our children are being murdered? :'''Stephen''': Red? :'''Sharon''': How much closer to home can this all hit? ''[Randy continues signing: "She's menstruating heavily and it's driving her crazy."]'' It was at our children's school! :'''Stephen''': ''[still not getting it]'' Crazy time. Crazy red time. :'''Randy''': ''[stops in his tracks as Sharon notices]'' I agree with my wife. :'''Laura''': Well, there certainly are things that need changing. Just yesterday, I was at the park with my son Craig and... have you seen the state of the playground equipment? Not only does it seem unsafe, but it's become quite an eyesore. :'''Ryan''': The whole park could use an upgrade, if you ask me. It's become a camp out for the homeless. :'''Sharon''': ''[now very irate and enraged]'' <span style="color:red"> ARE YOU FUCKING JOKING?! YOU'RE GONNA TAKE ONE SECOND TO COMPARE CHILD MURDER TO PARK UPGRADES?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH EVERYBODY?! '''YOU'VE ALL GONE CRAZY!''' </span> ''[furiously goes upstairs]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Sharon''': ''[sees Randy outside the window; irritated]'' GOD DAMN IT! ''[angrily exits the therapist's office and gets into Randy's face]'' Stop acting like there's something wrong with me! Something's wrong with ''you,'' '''''all''''' of you!! Try having some goddamn compassion! <hr width=50%> :'''Officer Stevens''': You did everything you could, Mr. Marsh. If your wife can't realize the truth and appreciate you, maybe she never will. :'''Sharon''': Realize what?! What have you been telling everybody, RANDY?! :'''Stephen''': Randy was just trying to make you feel loved while you're going through menopause. :'''Sharon''': Menopause?! I'm not going through fucking menopause! :'''Stephen''': How do you know? :'''Sharon''': I just got my period this morning! :'''Randy''': You... you got your period? :'''Sharon''': <span style="color:red">YES!</span> :'''Randy''': You just got your period this morning? :'''Sharon''': <span style="color:red">'''YES!'''</span> :'''Randy''': So, the past few days, maybe you have been just a little- :'''Sharon''': NO! NO NOTHING! Don't you guys see what's happened here?! I want you to be angry! Every day we hear about another school shooting! It used to be a big deal! I want it to be a big deal again. I mean Harriet, you came to my house and said there was a school shooting to trick me into going with you! :'''Harriet''': I was just trying to be a part of the big surprise, Sharon. :'''Sharon''': That's what I'm talking about! That's crazy, Harriet! I want you all to be shocked! I want you all to be sad! :'''Townsman''': You want everyone to be sad? :'''Harriet''': Well. Sharon, if you wanted to make me sad, congratulations. ''[voice cracks a little]'' You did a great job. ''[sadly walks away]'' :'''Stephen''': Yeah, let's go somewhere without so much negativity. === ''[[w:A Boy and a Priest|A Boy and a Priest]] [22.02]'' === :'''Randy''': ''[points to Butters after he unlocks the church doors]'' Ohhh! ''[laughs along with the other congregants]'' :'''Butters''': There's no church today! You all are just gonna have to find somethin' better to do! ''[closes the doors and locks them up]'' :'''Randy''': Hey. Hey! Open the door! Hey! Come on! ''[driving all the way home, moments later…]'' Well, this sucks. What are we supposed to do without church? :'''Sharon''': I just feel so empty. :'''Shelley''': What are you guys so upset about? :'''Randy''': Shut up, Shelley! === ''[[w:The Problem with a Poo|The Problem with a Poo]] [22.03]'' === :'''Mayor McDaniels''': People, it's time we faced some hard truths. The town is looking to us for answers, and all we keep doing is burying our heads. We need to cut the budget for this year's Christmas pageant. <hr width=50%> :'''Stan''': Dude, Kyle. Dude! :'''Cartman''': Dude! :'''Kyle''': What? :'''Stan''': Did you read what Mr. Hankey tweeted last night?! :'''Kyle''': What Mr. Hankey tweeted? :'''Stan''': Yeah. I guess after band rehearsals he went on Twitter to talk about us. :'''Cartman''': Look! ''[takes out his phone and gives it to Kyle to see for himself]'' :'''Kyle''': Oh. Jesus Christ, dude. <hr width=50%> :'''Kyle''': Mr. Hankey, everyone's really mad at you. Were you on Twitter last night? :'''Mr. Hankey''': ''[slowly]'' Yeah. :'''Kyle''': Did you tweet, '''"The kids of South Park are retarded homos who can't play music?"''' :'''Mr. Hankey''': ''[more slowly]'' Yeah. :'''Kyle''': Why would you tweet that?! All the kids are really pissed off! :'''Mr. Hankey''': It was a bad attempt at a joke. I'm sorry. Will you tell the kids I didn't mean it? :'''Kyle''': What do you want me to say? :'''Mr. Hankey''': The fact is, I couldn't sleep last night so I took some Ambien. Do you take that stuff? It turns your brain into oatmeal. Please, Kyle, tell the kids I didn't mean any harm. We've gotta focus on Christmas! <hr width=50%> :'''Mayor McDaniels''': ''[furiously]'' Hankey! ''[Hankey turns to her and the other council members, all pissed at him]'' We need to talk about what you tweeted. :'''Mr. Hankey''': Oh, I'm sooo sorry. I took Ambien two nights ago and I called the schoolkids homos. :'''Mayor McDanniels''': No, I'm talking about what you tweeted last night. ''[takes out her phone]'' '''"The city council members are a bunch of pussy-licking Islamists."''' :'''Mr. Hankey''': Oh-oh Jeez, did I say that? Listen, if you're tired and you can't sleep, DO NOT take Ambien. Okay? Whew! :'''Mayor McDanniels''': I'm afraid we have no option but to fire you as executive planning manager of the city council. :'''Mr. Hankey''': Fire me? No, no, no, please. I-I'm really sorry. No, no wait! Wait, please give me another chance! Don't do this! What about Christmas? <hr width=50%> :'''Dr. Gauche''': Your vice principal gave birth to all five babies with no epidural. I must say, she's a ''very'' strong woman. :'''PC Principal''': That she is. :'''Dr. Gauche''': The quintuplets are all healthy and resting away. There are her babies right there. :''[They look through the nursery window and see the PC baby quintuplets resting after they've been born]'' :'''PC Principal''': Oh, dude. Bro. :'''Dr. Gauche''': Yes, cute, little buggers, aren't they? Three boys and two girls. :'''PC Principal''': I think it's wrong to force gender specification upon them at this young age. :'''Dr. Gauche''': Funny. That's exactly what their mother said. The quints are all Caucasian, blue-eyed, and something kind of weird. :'''PC Principal''': What's that? :'''Dr. Gauche''': Well, the babies are all extremely PC, the likes of which I have never seen. <hr width=50%> :'''Strong Woman''': My babies! Where are they? :'''PC Principal''': Shh. It's okay. The babies are fine. Resting in the nursery. They're the most... They're the most PC babies I've ever seen. :'''Strong Woman''': You shouldn't be here. People will start getting suspicious! <hr width=50%> :'''Newscaster''': Today, South Park says goodbye to Mr. Hankey. The longtime union of this town and the holiday figure is over for good. We should all feel pretty great about ourselves, give ourselves a little, nice pat on the back, as we, as a society, continue to try and sweep away all the poop. :'''Mr. Hankey''': Well, everyone, I guess this is goodbye. It sure has been swell. :'''Mayor McDaniels''': No goodbyes, Mr. Hankey. You just need to go. We already called you a Poober. :'''Mr. Hankey''': A Poober? They have that? ''[A Lyft car honks and pulls up]'' Oh, you mean Lyft. Well, okay. Goodbye, everyone. I hope I brought a few smiles and a few laughs into your hearts. :'''Mayor McDaniels''': ''[opens the back door for him, coldly]'' Goodbye, Mr. Hankey. :''[Mr. Hankey hops into the car, Mayor then closes the door, and the car drives away]'' :'''Stan''': Where will he go? :'''Randy''': He'll have to find a place that accepts racist, awful beings like him. There are still places out there who don't care about bigotry and hate. === ''[[w:Tegridy Farms|Tegridy Farms]] [22.04]'' === :'''Randy''': I'm over it, Sharon. I am seriously over it. Don't you wanna just start over? Go back to simpler times? :'''Sharon''': What do you mean? :'''Randy''': I've had it -- school shootings, pieces of shit taking Ambien and tweeting, priests raping kids, and somehow... I'm not laughing anymore. Let's do it, Sharon. What I've always talked about. Let's get outta here. Go buy a farm and live off the land. :'''Sharon''': Are you being serious? :'''Randy''': I've never been more serious. :'''Nelson''': ''[honking]'' Hey, the light's green! :'''Randy''': SHUT UP, NELSON! Let's move out to the country. Go back to simple living when things mattered, like work hard and tegridy. :'''Sharon''': How will we make a living? :'''Randy''': By growing things and selling what we make with our hands. We can do this, Sharon. It's time. <hr width=50%> :''[South Park Elementary; Stan had told his friends about living on a farm after selling their house]'' :'''Kyle''': So, just like that? Your parents sold your house and everything? :'''Stan''': Yeah, it takes me like an hour to get to school now. It sucks. All because Shelley bribed the playground monitor to let her vape during recess. :'''Kyle''': Why would your sister want to get addicted to those things? :'''Cartman''': Well, your little brother does it too, Kyle. :'''Kyle''': What are you talking about? :'''Cartman''': You didn't know? The kindergartners are, like, the biggest vapers at this school. <hr width=50%> :'''Randy''': ''[confronting Stan with a vape pen]'' Where did you get this? :'''Stan''': It's not mine. I took it from a kindergartner. :'''Randy''': Yeah, right. My own son using a pussy stick. Don't you know what these things are doing to our way of life?! I've had enough! :'''Stan''': What are you gonna do? :'''Randy''': You think I'm just gonna stand around while they destroy my family?! We've worked this farm and this land for over four days! I'm not about to let some vape queens take it all away from us! === ''[[w:The Scoots|The Scoots]] [22.05]'' === === ''[[w:Time to Get Cereal|Time to Get Cereal]] [22.06]'' === :'''Jimbo''': Where are you goin', Ned? :'''Ned''': I'm getting my white ass outta here. :''[ManBearPig appears behind Ned, getting the latter's attention]'' :'''Stan''' ''[upon seeing ManBearPig]'': What the ''fuck?!'' :'''Jimbo''': Jesus Christ! ''[fires at ManBearPig]'' :'''Ned''' ''[running from ManBearPig]'': Heeeelp meeeeee! :''[ManBearPig attacks Ned then carries him away, leaving Jimbo, Stan, and Randy horrified]'' :'''Jimbo''': Ned! === ''[[w:Nobody Got Cereal?|Nobody Got Cereal?]] [22.07]'' === :'''Stan''': I can't believe you would get high and play video games while your son is in jail! You're such an asshole! :'''Randy''': Well, at least I'm not a school shooter! <hr width=50%> :''[Yates Residence; Harrison arrives and is about to open his front door when he hears shooting and screams, then the sound of a galloping horse from inside]'' :'''Sgt. Harrison Yates''': Oh, you'd better not- ''[goes inside and throws his hat and jacket down; enraged]'' You bitch! ''[Maggie shrieks in fright and stands up]'' You're playing Red Dead Redemption, aren't you?! :'''Maggie Yates''': So what of it?! :'''Sgt. Harrison Yates''': What did I tell you about playing on my saved game, Maggie?! :'''Maggie Yates''': No! No, this is ''my'' life now, Harrison Yates! I started over, with me ''own'' saved game! :'''Sgt. Harrison Yates''': What are you talking about? :'''Maggie Yates''': See for yourself! ''[hands him over the game controller]'' You and all your talk o'wantin' your own life! I wanted somethin' new, too! I started over in the snow and worked my way up to the new gang leader! I have thousands of dollars o'me own! I built a house with John Marston! I'm helping ''his'' family now! :'''Sgt. Harrison Yates''': You fucking slut! :'''Maggie Yates''': That's right, Harrison Yates! And what have you got?! A basic starter horse and the $20 gambler's hat you won at a poker match! I'm ''twice'' the man you are now! :'''Sgt. Harrison Yates''': Don't you talk to me like that! :'''Maggie Yates''': I'll talk however I want! I've completed every hunting side mission! Found seven legendary animals! :'''Sgt. Harrison Yates''': Found them where?! :'''Maggie Yates''': I'm not tellin'! You wanted your now life and now you got it! ''[walks out of the room]'' :'''Sgt. Harrison Yates''': Maggie! ''[sits on his knees and breaks down, weeping]'' === ''[[w:Buddah Box|Buddah Box]] [22.08]'' === :'''Ms. Nelson''': You aren't using this during class time. :'''Cartman''': It relaxes me. Ask my therapist. I have anxiety, you dumb bitch. === ''[[w:Unfulfilled|Unfulfilled]] [22.09]'' === :''[Stotch house garage, Butters works on his bike making it stand out]'' :'''Butters''': Oh, boy! This is looking so great! ''[Stephen enters and takes a safety vest from the coat rack by the door]'' Hey, Dad! The big bike parade is this weekend. How's it look? First prize is $50! :'''Stephen''': ''[frustrated]'' What are you saying, that our family needs cash?! I'm busting my ass trying to make ends meet! You wanna go live with Kim Kardashian?! She's better than me 'cause ''she's'' got money?! FUCK YOU, SON! ''[leaves and slams the door, then walks into the house through the kitchen, enters the living room, and puts on his vest]'' :'''Linda''': Butters really loves that bike parade. :'''Stephen''': I don't need to be reminded every ten minutes that money's tight. ''[sighs deeply]'' I'm sorry. It's just this new job. It can be such a grind. :'''Linda''': You work too hard at that place. :'''Stephen''': Kids these days just don't understand how much their parents break their backs to provide. <hr width=50%> :'''Mayor McDaniels''': Ship to address. Order now. Usually ships in… ''[irritated] four to six weeks?!'' I can make my own towels in four to six weeks! :'''Janson''': ''[knocks on door]'' Mayor, you have a visitor. :'''Mayor McDaniels''': Not now, I'm having problems. === ''[[w:Bike Parade|Bike Parade]] [22.10]'' === :''[Stan, Kyle, and Cartman walk up to City Hall and burst into the Mayor's office]'' :'''Stan''': Mayor, we demand you cancel the bike parade! :'''Cartman''': It is nihilistic and out of touch with progressive thinking! :''[the executive armchair turns around to reveal Jeff Bezos]'' :'''Jeff Bezos''': ''[puts his feet up and communicates telepathically]'' What's the matter? Afraid you wouldn't win? :'''Stan''': It's him. <hr width=50%> :'''Randy Marsh''': Hello, Bezos. You can take your fulfillment center and fulfill it right up your ass! You see, there's one thing you didn't count on, and that's Tegridy! ''[focusing on the townspeople's bloodshot eyes]'' Just look in the eyes of these people. Everyone has Tegridy now - Tegridy that you will never understand! We aren't just different classes of people anymore! We are a town! :'''Jeff Bezos''': ''[beat]'' Are you all high? :'''Randy Marsh''': No. ''[the townspeople murmur in agreement]'' Why do you ask that? :'''Jeff Bezos''': Because I'm over ''here!'' :''[Everyone is revealed to be facing Bezos' right]'' :'''Randy Marsh''': Oh. ''[walks around the crowd to face Bezos]'' Hang on. Hold on. Okay. I got it. Anyways. You see Tegridy is something that can't be understood by big corporations. Oh, they'll try to package Tegridy, but only I can really package Tegridy. I got more money now 'cause of Tegridy. That's because I figured out how to get Tegridy to everyone. And that's - now everyone is in this state of Tegridy that's impenetrable. Am I making sense? :'''Jeff Bezos''': NO! :'''Randy Marsh''': The point is nobody's coming to work for you! So you can take your whole plan and fulfill it somewhere else! :'''Jeff Bezos''': '''''''Damn you, Tegridy!!!''''''' [[Category:South Park seasons]] igi4kwonfhtgd707bw1ymztqnytzkjt 0 210224 3778759 3761214 2025-07-14T17:03:49Z CommonsDelinker 13873 Removing "Buddhist_monastery_prayer_wheels.jpg", it has been deleted from Commons by [[c:User:A.Savin|A.Savin]] because: faked license and/or description -- per [[:c:Commons:Deletion requests/Files on User:GPSLeo/temp|]]. 3778759 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Agni_god_of_fire.jpg|thumb| I am the searing heat of the sand. I am the flame of the heart. I am the engulfing wave. I am the soil regenerated. Rejoice, and behold the Light.]] The '''{{w|Agni Yoga}}''' or the '''Living Ethics''', or the '''Teaching of Life''' consists of a synthesis of ancient Eastern beliefs and modern Western thought and a bridge between the spiritual and the scientific, transmitted by the [[Helena Roerich|Helena]] and [[Nicholas Roerich]]s in the 1920s. [[File:Roerich_symbol (bold, red).svg|thumb|The Renovation of the World will come—the prophecies will be fulfilled. People will arise and build a New Temple.]] [[File:Le Gan Chenpo (Himalaya, Népal) (8446635289).jpg|thumb|Beware of venomous vibrations. Strive for the future and succumb not to the spell of the present. Follow the simplest path as you ascend the mountain.]] [[File:OrigenStudentsLuyken.jpg|thumb|It was after the time of [[Origen]]’s disciples that the false religion of the priesthood began to spread.]] == ''Leaves of Morya’s Garden: Book One: The Call'' (1924) == :<small>[http://www.agniyoga.org/ay_frame.html?app_id=LMG1 Full text online]</small> *Into the New World my first message. You who gave the Ashram, And you who gave two lives, Proclaim. Builders and warriors, strengthen the steps. Reader, if you have not grasped—read again, after a while. The predestined is not accidental, The leaves fall in their time. And winter is but the harbinger of spring. All is revealed; all is attainable. I will cover you with My shield, if you but tend to your labors. I have spoken. (i) *By holiness in life, guard the precious Gem of Gems. Aum Tat Sat Aum! I am thou, thou art I — parts of the Divine Self. My Warriors! Life thunders — be watchful. Danger! The soul hearkens to its warning! The world is in turmoil — strive for salvation. I invoke blessings unto you. Salvation will be yours! Life nourishes the soul. Strive for the life glorified, and for the realization of purity. Put aside all prejudices — think freely. Be not downcast but full of hope. Flee not from life, but walk the path of salvation. You and We — here together in spirit. One Temple for all — for all, One God. Manifold worlds dwell in the Abode of the Almighty, And the Holy Spirit soars throughout. The Renovation of the World will come — the prophecies will be fulfilled. People will arise and build a New Temple. (1) *Those who are obsessed with matters of the earthly world can receive no answers from the Heights. Fate can be overcome if you manifest the Christ, Who sacrificed Himself for Truth. (3) *My Friends! Happiness lies in serving the salvation of Humanity. Put aside all prejudices and, summoning your spiritual forces, aid mankind. Direct the unsightly towards the path of beauty. As the tree renews its leaves, so shall humanity flourish on the path of righteousness. (4) *Beware of venomous vibrations. Strive for the [[future]] and succumb not to the spell of the present. Follow the simplest path as you ascend the mountain. Powerful, exalted visions require pure surroundings, and prana. Christ’s deeds were consummated amidst the beauties of nature. Never did He dwell for long in cities. (51) *The Teacher suffered for His words of Truth. Man resists the path to Light. Darkness is more pleasing to the eyes of moles, But love and knowledge will conquer all. Your spirit will ascend and you will pass by the uncomprehending ones swiftly, as you would mileposts on the way. Smile at the difficulties upon your path. I vouch, you will conquer! (116) *My Children, you are unaware of the battle that rages around you. Both secretly and openly do the dark forces fight. Your spirit, like a dam, is lashed by the waters. Your heart unfolds and will be flooded with knowledge. Fear not, O heart, you will conquer! (117) *It was after the time of [[Origen]]’s disciples that the false religion of the priesthood began to spread.(268) *Be resourceful - act! (291) * We speak but once. Do not repeat your questions. What is not understood or is unheard is lost to Earth. You may find new ways of understanding and ascent, but by new steps. Therefore be alert. Tiredness is not dangerous. But levity and callousness are banes to mankind. Like a householder in constant action, be not afraid of a few drops of labor’s perspiration. Even a misguided action is better than passivity. Attain the port. For each one is a ship provided. (292) *I perceive the enemies will be destroyed by miraculous fire. The time for action is but begun. Comprehend devotion, faith, and courage. I will safeguard you with a helmet of faith, an armor of devotion, and a shield of victory. And on the banner will be inscribed: Love, the Conqueror. (299) *My children, children, dear children. Do not think that [[Masters of Wisdom|Our Community]] is hidden from humanity by impregnable walls. The snows of Himalaya that hide Us are not obstacles for true seekers, but only for the curious ones. Mind the difference between the seeker and the dry, skeptical investigator. Immerse yourselves in Our labor, and I will lead you on the path to the Yonder World. (313) *Avoid those who will not hear. Pass by those who will not see — yes. Behold! (316) *Whose knocking do I hear? It is you, fugitive! [[Now]] I shall tell you, You have been fleeing from Me with the same persistence you manifested before, when building My Abodes. You fled, attempting to hide yourself within the sanctuaries of the world’s temples. Behind the steps of thrones did you conceal yourself. Changing your appearance, you did secrete yourself beneath the folds of tents. You tried to lose yourself in earthly sounds of flute and strings. To where did you flee? [[Now]] you stand before Me, And I say: you have returned to Me, You have found My door. You saw how your mind had lost its light, how dispersed was your joy. And you now understand that the knocking one will be admitted. And the admitted one will be forgiven. And you have [[now]] found the better door, and have come, seeing the futility of your flight. And I will admit you who knock and say to you: I have preserved for you your [[joy]]. Take up your chalice, and [[work]]. You, Avirach, You know now that flight is in vain. You stand there [[now]], approaching the door, And your chalice awaits you. (338) *Respect the principle of Hierarchy. In Brotherhoods great and small, all actions are given through the Elders. There may be teachings and inspirations, but actions originate from One Source. (395) *One must forgive people their failure to understand. Good people are often guilty of faulty [[judgment]]. It is essential to be lenient with beginner’s mistakes. (414) *Avoid places where [[anger]] and disunity are displayed. Beclouded is the people’s imagination. Learn to rise above the hands that drag one downward. Seated in the boat, one thinks not about one’s house-key. (415) *Wisely We will turn everything for the good. (448) *I will gather the [[women|daughters]]. Let them help lay out the garden of beauty. Let them fill the garden to overflowing with new blossoms. I perceive that one can expect a rapid sprouting of life in the [[Age of Aquarius|New World]] (449) == ''Leaves of Morya’s Garden: Book Two: Illumination (1925)'' == :<small>[http://agniyoga.org/ay_en/Leaves-of-Moryas-Garden-II.php Full text online]</small> [[File:Martelaarschap van heilige Lucia S. Lvcia (titel op object), RP-P-BI-513.jpg|thumb|Great crimes have been committed in the name of Christ...All the embellishments need to be discarded... even the works of [[Origen]] were subjected to alteration. It is high time to change the state of the world.]] *Welcome to seekers! Welcome to bearers of the [[Common good|Common Weal]]! Welcome of the East... They will ask: Who gave you the Teaching? Answer: The [[Mahatma]] of the East. They will ask: Where does He live? Answer: The abode of the Teacher not only cannot be made known but cannot even be uttered. Your question shows how far you are from the understanding of the Teaching. Even humanly you must realize how wrong your question is. They will ask: When can I be useful? Answer: From this hour unto eternity. ...When should I prepare myself for labor? ...Lose not an hour! ...And when will the call come? ...Even sleep vigilantly. ...How shall I work until this hour? ...Enhancing the quality of labor. (1) *Time was when even a hundred warriors were counted a host. Then a thousand were already an army. In time a hundred thousand conquered the world. Afterwards millions rose but they also did not alter the orbit of the spirit. And so I shall summon under the Banner of Spirit one billion. This will be the sign of My army. Consider when this manifestation will be fulfilled and seven banners will be affirmed! (1) *The Teacher points out that you should learn to feel the bonds which have united you by the manifestation of miracles. By a wondrous bast are your sandals tied for the long journey. As was the past, so also will be laid the future. One cannot have respite from predestined meetings. And numberless are the sendings upon the pages of life. Thus, all is prepared; but do not tear My web. The whirlwind of folly blows away the best designs sent by Me. One should not strew about treasures which are bestowed for manifestation to the world. Being a minor is not an excuse. It is better to celebrate the victory after the first battle than to wander underground. Therefore, I say, walk together and cover yourselves by one Shield. Let each one purify his breath without sprouting the dust of anger. And, gathering the flowers of devotion, you will understand the usefulness of My path. Do I lead you by force? Compulsion is not Our ally. But if we are walking together, why not give counsel! Therefore, I say to you, think better and do not stumble. (10) *In the future equilibrium of spirit and matter a clear vision may be obtained. But now only fragments are to be seen. That is why the ancients guarded this natural telescope so cautiously. The most powerful telescopes were '''women''', and the first requisite for their protection was quietude. (125) *Great crimes have been committed in the name of Christ...All the embellishments need to be discarded... even the works of [[Origen]] were subjected to alteration. It is high time to change the state of the world. (150) *One could build a whole city, and one could give people the most valuable knowledge, but what is really difficult is washing off the true image of Christ. Think about how you can wipe clean the body of Christ. By gathering the bits and pieces of truth in the popular concept of the Savior and replacing his splendid tunic with overalls, seekers may be able to find illumination. By human hands must the Temple be built. (152) *...Christ spoke those memorable words... He was looking on as the moonlight poured onto the sands. “We have lost the way,” I told Him. “We have to wait and find out the positions of the stars.” “Rasul Morya, why should We bother about the way, when the entire world is waiting for Us?” Then, taking His bamboo staff He traced a square around His footprint and said, “Truly, by human feet.” And having made an impression with His palm, He enclosed it in a square. “Truly, by human hands.” Between the squares He drew what looked like a pillar crowned with an arc. He said: “Oh, how Aum will penetrate the human consciousness! Here I have drawn a pistil with an arc above it, and have laid the foundation in four directions. When the Temple is built by human feet and human hands — the Temple where the pistil placed by Me will blossom — then may the builders walk My path. Why wait for a path, when the path is before Us?... When the Name of the Temple is uttered, this image shall appear. As a reminder of My constellation, a square and nine stars shall shine above the Temple. The sign of the foot and the hand shall be inscribed on the cornerstone.” That is what He Himself said on the eve of the new moon. The heat of the desert was great. (153) [[File:Signs of Christ.jpg|thumb|...He traced a square around His footprint and said...“Oh, how Aum will penetrate the human consciousness! Here I have drawn a pistil with an arc above it, and have laid the foundation in four directions. When the Temple is built by human feet and human hands — the Temple where the pistil placed by Me will blossom — then may the builders walk My path. Why wait for a path, when the path is before Us?... When the Name of the Temple is uttered, this image shall appear.]] *The Star of the Morning is a sign of the Great Epoch, the first ray of which will flash forth from the Teaching of Christ; for who is to glorify the Mother of the World if not Christ, He who was belittled by the world? Give Us the arch of the Vault through which to enter! (153) *The goal and the meaning of existence is to strive upward beyond the limits of the known, and to help one another. (160) *Only that Teaching which contains all hope, which makes life beautiful, which manifests action, can promote true evolution. Certainly life is not a market, where one can make a fine bargain for entrance into the Heavenly Kingdom. Certainly life is not a grave, where one trembles before the justice of an Unknown Judge! In keeping with their opinion, scholars have proposed the ingenious consolation: “Man begins to die from the moment of his birth”—a scanty and funereal comfort. But We say that man is eternally being born, and particularly at the moment of so-called death. The servitors of distorted religions encourage their wards in the purchase of places in the cemetery, where through their advance arrangements they will lie more advantageously and honorably than others more indigent and hence undeserving of lengthy prayers. The incense for these poor ones will be adulterated and the prayers abominably sung. Ask people, finally, what authentic Teaching has enjoined this monstrous practice? Verily, we have had enough of graves, cemeteries, and intimidations! 334. *One may know how loftily the Teachers have regarded the transition to future manifestations, and least of all have They been concerned about a cemetery site. The attitude toward death is a very important indicator of the character of the Teaching, for in it is contained the understanding of [[reincarnation]]. I urge you to consider reincarnation strictly scientifically. If you can propound any other structure of the universe, We shall reserve for you a chair as professor of theology and promise you a first-class funeral; for indeed in the eyes of the enlightened you will have already decided to die. Read attentively the writings of the Teachers published by you, and you will be amazed at how unanimously in all ages They speak about the change of life. The Path of Light will appear when you venture to look scientifically and without prejudices. [[File:Stupa Spire and Prayer Flags (7476655906).jpg|thumb|The common task is General Welfare.]] [[File:Austria-00892_-_Pallas_Athene_Statue_(20882553519).jpg|thumb|Cooperation must be based upon sound rules. This teaches orderliness...even in daily work are expressed the great laws of the Universe... Let the better evolution be built upon labor as the measure of value. Labor must be voluntary. Cooperation must be voluntary.]] [[File:Girl playing violin.jpg|thumb|Shield children from everything false; guard them against worthless music; protect them from obscenity; protect them from false competitions; protect them from affirmation of selfhood ([[egotism]]). The more so, since it is necessary to inculcate a love for incessant learning.]] [[File:CRH3 High Speed Train in Guangzhou, China.jpg|thumb|The new consciousness, supported by technical means, will give a powerful impetus to knowledge... for the process of evolution.]] == ''New Era Community'' (1926) == :<small>[http://agniyoga.org/ay_en/New-Era-Community.php Full text online]</small> * We are dissipating [[superstition]], [[ignorance]] and [[fear]]. We are forging [[courage]], [[Will (philosophy)|will]] and [[knowledge]]. Every striving toward [[Enlightenment (spiritual)|enlightenment]] is welcome. Every [[prejudice]], caused by ignorance, is exposed. Thou who dost toil, are not alive in thy [[consciousness]] the roots of cooperation and community? If this flame has already illumined thy brain, adopt the signs of the Teaching of Our mountains. Thou who dost labor, do not become wearied puzzling over certain expressions. Every line is the highest measure of simplicity. Greeting to workers and seekers! (1) * Family, clan, country, union of nations—each unit strives toward [[peace]], toward betterment of life. Each unit of [[cooperation]] and communal life needs perfecting. No one can fix the limits of [[evolution]]. By this line of reasoning a worker becomes a creator. Let us not be frightened by the problems of creativeness. Let us find for science unencumbered paths. Thus, thought about [[perfection|perfectionment]] will be a sign of [[joy]]. (1) *[[Unity]] is pointed out in all beliefs as the sole bulwark of success. Better attainments can be affirmed if the unity of coworkers is assured. One may cite a great number of examples when mutual trust among the coworkers helped in lofty solutions. Let people, from home and hearth up to the spacial preordinations, remember about the value of cooperation. The seed of labor withers without the moisture of reciprocity. Let us not look backward too much. We hastening fellow travelers shall become weary if we jostle each other. We shall realize a beautiful meaning if we can introduce the great concept—friend. Community may consist only of friends. (4) *The path of life is one of mutual help. Participants in the great task cannot be humanity haters. This term denoting a shameful hatred is a long one. But perhaps people will the better remember it and be ashamed. (5) *Also let us not forget that realization is simplified through clear consciousness. But let us not lose the shortest Path. Time is precious. We should not deprive anyone because of our sluggishness. [[Laziness]] and [[ignorance]] sleep in the same cradle. (6) *[[Malice]] admits [[W:leprosy|leprosy]] and [[w:pestilence|pestilence]]. Malice can transform a peaceful fireside into a swarm of snakes. Qualities of malice are not befitting the community. The common task is [[General welfare|General Welfare]]. (7) *[[Cooperation]] must be based upon sound rules. This teaches orderliness; that is, it helps the acquirement of a rhythm. Thus even in daily work are expressed the great laws of the Universe. It is especially needed to become accustomed from childhood to continuous labor. Let the better evolution be built upon labor as the measure of value. Labor must be voluntary. Cooperation must be voluntary. (8) * There should be instilled [[respect]] for [[craftsmanship]], in order that it be understood as a higher distinction. Ancient working community [[w:guild|guilds]] left testimony of their [[vitality]]. One can see how people cultivated their skills toward perfection. They knew how to shield each other and how to guard the [[dignity]] of their community. So long as people do not learn to defend the merit of their fellow-workers they will not achieve the happiness of Common Good. (12) * The concept of justice proves itself upon the foundation of labor. Likewise courage grows easily in the vouching for each other. Indeed, all as one, yet each one contributing his own best aptitude. Let us not destroy, but let us bring forth the warmth of the heart. (13) * Our feeling is one of absence of specialty, because We live for the whole complex of life. Every specialist approaching Us inevitably loses his monochromatic eye-glasses. Therefore, make every effort that the specialty should become but one of the dishes at your table. As birds over the Earth, as bees above all the flowers, we can embrace the entire universe. Without a specialty it is easier to prepare oneself for the current task in evolution—intercourse with distant worlds and the transformation of the Astral World, the world of dark earthly survivals. The adoption of the concept of Community will open the gates for next achievements, and their dates depend upon people themselves. Therefore, let us take up broadly the quest of Community. (13) *'''Yesterday is past; let us learn how to meet a new dawn'''... It is unworthy to rummage in yesterday’s dust... (81) *It is wise to draw a line between past and future. It is impossible to calculate all that has been done—it is incommensurable. It is better to say: “Yesterday is past; let us learn how to meet a new dawn.” We all grow, and our works are expanding with us. After twenty-seven years no one is a youth, and we all can then understand the achievement of Service. It is unworthy to rummage in yesterday’s dust. Henceforth let us establish a new step. Let us begin to labor, surrounding ourselves with a thousand eyes. Let us acquire purity of thought and co-measurement of actions. Thus let us fill our days; let us become used to mobility and decisiveness. Likewise, let us not forget that there is nothing on Earth higher than the given Plan for the Common Good. Let us manifest understanding of the Teachings of life. As Moses brought forth human dignity, as Buddha impelled toward the broadening of consciousness, as Christ taught the good of giving, so now the New World is directed toward the far-off worlds! Ponder, what comparisons surround us! Ponder about the cornerstone. Reflect about the given path. Ponder how the boundaries of the Cosmos touch you. Recall the steps of wondrous tensions not in a book but in life. Reflect that so much has not been taken up and absorbed and yet you stand in your place. Therefore, be not disheartened by mistakes, but ascend by the Hierarchy of the Teaching. (81) * Once a woman stopped between images of the [[Guatama Buddha|Blessed Buddha]] and [[Maitreya (Theosophy)|Maitreya]], not knowing to Whom to offer her reverence. And the image of the Blessed Buddha uttered these words 'According to My Covenant, revere the future. Standing in defense of the past, direct your gaze toward the dawn' Remember how We labor for the future, and direct all your being into the future! In rays of knowledge We bring a Teaching strange to the world, for the light of the world is covered by darkness. (95) *It is difficult to renounce the feeling of [[ownership]]; it is like wise difficult to overcome babbling. (100) * When the family does not know how, let the school teach [[cleanliness]] in all ways of life. Dirt comes not from poverty but from ignorance. Cleanliness in life is the gateway to purity of heart. Who then is unwilling that people be pure? One should equip schools in such a way that they will be conservatories for the adornment of life. Each object can be considered from the standpoint of love. Each thing must be made a participant in the happy life. Cooperation will help to find a way for each household. Where one person alone does not find the solution, there the community will be of assistance. Not prizefighters but creators will be the pride of the country. (106} * The school will teach respect for useful inventions, but will warn against a machine [[slavery]]. All forms of slavery will be destroyed as signs of darkness. The teacher will be a guiding tutor—a friend who points out a shorter and better path. Not the process of compulsion, but the smile of summons. But, if into the schools of life treason will have seeped, then the severest judgment will put an end to such madness. {108} * The schools will determine where is laziness, where an unusual structure of character, where madness and where the necessary understanding. (109) * Among the school subjects let there be taught the fundamentals of astronomy, but let it be presented as the gateway to the far-off worlds. Thus schools will stimulate the first thoughts about life in the far-off worlds. Space will become alive, astrochemistry and rays will round out the presentation of the magnitude of the Universe. Young hearts will feel not as ants upon the earth's crust, but as bearers of spirit responsible for the planet. Let us fix our attention on schools, for from them will issue the affirmation of cooperation. There will be no construction without cooperation. There will be no security of state and union while outworn egoism holds sway. (110) * Many warnings were given against selfhood. This deadly sister of ignorance smites and extinguishes the best fires. Do not consider a reminder about egoism out of place during the establishment of cooperatives. On the contrary, each statute must be written not for oneself but for others. Among various appellations the word “friend" will be a most hearty one. Indeed, the heart does not admit egoism. The heart lives in self-abnegation. Thus, strong is the heart when it is concerned about the future, not thinking about self. (111) * Shield children from everything false; guard them against worthless music; protect them from obscenity; protect them from false competitions; protect them from affirmation of selfhood. The more so, since it is necessary to inculcate a love for incessant learning. The muscles must not gain the upper hand over mind and heart. What sort of heart takes a liking to blows of the fist? (116) * It is absurd to think that perspiration is only a physical manifestation. During mental work a particular emanation valuable for the saturation of space issues forth. If bodily perspiration can fertilize the earth, then that of the spirit restores prana by being chemically transformed in the rays of the Sun. Labor is the crown of Light. It is necessary that school pupils remember the significance of labor as a factor of world-creation. As a result of labor there will be steadfastness of consciousness. It is necessary to emphasize strongly the atmosphere of work. (117) *The new consciousness, supported by technical means, will give a powerful impetus to knowledge. Indeed, the community must be a most sensitive apparatus for the process of evolution. Indeed, in a conscious community no individual can make affirmation about an already molded world-study. Every dull barrier is swept away by the sharpened vibration of the collective. (121) *My young friends, again you have been gathered in the name of the Teaching and again you have had an evening with guests. Whereas, it has been said and repeated that the hour of discourse about the Teaching must be devoid of ordinary gossip. Even though this hour may be more infrequent, yet its quality must be upheld. You approach by round-about ways, you surmount the fatigue of the working day, you bear a particle of the common good; but the accumulated objects of the familiar room break up your striving, and imperceptibly you become dusty boarders. Moreover, one of you, observing what is taking place, becomes a self-appointed overseer and sinks into the pettiest irritation. The fabric of the communion is torn and an unworthy mending is begun. We urge you, even if for only an hour, to be consciously responsible people. If an hour a week is difficult for you, then better meet only every fortnight. Learn how to exclude at that time all troublesome beastly habits—smoking, drinking, eating, shallow gossip, dealings in small affairs, censure, anger. Upon being assembled, remain seated several minutes in silence. If then one of you will not find the strength to enlighten his consciousness, let him silently go back into cold and darkness. We are enemies of all compulsive magic, but a natural control of consciousness must become the prerequisite of real construction. Surely for one hour one can dismiss personal ventures. If this be difficult, how then can you think about progress and growth of consciousness? An ox knows about chewing its cud but does not advance farther than digestion. Make an effort to give your discourses beauty, simplicity and purity.<br>The most unusual problems of knowledge, the most audacious forms of beauty, should force you out of your musty corner. Understand, I wish to see you, at least for a while, particular and able to absorb. These seeds of cooperative thinking will give you the perseverance for attainments. Not only resolve but also persistence is needed. Understand concentration as a test of consciousness. Let Me see you proceeding aspiringly and consciously. I am speaking for immediate fulfillment. (125) *In the recent past, in accordance with the plan of My Friend, We often visited Western cities. At that time We encountered casual individuals who suspected something about Us. The most persistent inquiries were addressed to Us—about the methods of psycho-mechanics and demands for the most precise biochemical formulas. Besides, with the conceitedness of the West, these people were never concerned about their own consciousness and did not attempt to learn whether they possessed the corresponding physical qualities. It is sad to contemplate that this importunity was unaccompanied by any aspirations for social welfare. As the caveman with his club hastened to gather colored sea-shells as his exclusive property, so did these dwellers of stone palaces try to appropriate for themselves qualities foreign to them. Moreover, the caveman adorned himself with the shells, but the contemporary wiseacres degraded knowledge into after-dinner coffee talk—it was a spectacle of shameful lightmindedness.... He who wishes to plow must have his plow. He who wishes to attain must understand his weapon. The people of the West have overshadowed their consciousness with the weightiest thoughts, but the joy of knowledge has become something almost indecent. Joy of realization must become the prerogative of the New World. (198) == ''Agni Yoga'' (1929) == :<small>[http://agniyoga.org/ay_en/Agni-Yoga.php Full text online]</small> [[File:Maitreya future Buddha, Rattanakosin Period, Wat Phichaiyat 3.jpg|thumb|Your support is the Teacher. Your shield is devotion to the Teacher. Your downfall is indifference and duplicity of thought. § 205]] *[[Yoga]] — that supreme bridge to cosmic attainment—has existed through all ages. Each Teaching comprises its own [[Yoga]], applicable to that step of evolution. The Yogas do not contradict each other. As the branches of one tree they spread their shade and refresh the traveler... Do not reject the forces of Yoga, but like light carry them into the twilight of labor unrealized. For the future, we arise out of sleep. For the future, we renew our garments. For the future, we sustain ourselves. For the future, we strive in our thought. For the future, we gather strength... First we shall apply the counsels of life. Then we shall pronounce the name of the Yoga of the time approaching. We shall hear the advancing footsteps... we hail the yoga of the past—the Raja Yoga. And we affirm that of the future—the Agni Yoga. (preface) * They will ask, "Can the time of [[w: Maitreya_(Theosophy)|Maitreya]] create a [[Age of Aquarius|New Era]]?" Answer, "If the Crusades brought a new age, then truly the Era of Maitreya is a thousandfold more significant." (1) * Now, at the dawn of the age of Maitreya, there is needed a Yoga comprising the essence of the whole of life, all-embracing, evading nought. One remembers the example of those unignitable youths in the biblical legend who valiantly sacrificed themselves to the fiery furnace and thereby acquired power. You may call this the Yoga of Life. But the most precise name will be Agni Yoga. It is precisely the element of fire that gives its name to this Yoga of self-sacrifice. (158) * No name will provoke so many attacks as that of Maitreya, for it is bound up with the future. Nothing provokes so much fear and irritation in people as thinking about the future. (336) * In mirages you can see the lie of evidence and the truth of reality. I repeat, you see reality, but it is a reality that is not where your eyes indicate. And this is true of many phenomena. * Often people will not look at reality, but insist on their own misperception. People will ask why demonstrations of the subtle energies are so rare. Tell them that on the contrary, they are continuous, but the human eye and ear do not care to recognize them. When the human eye does glimpse them, it is usual to convince oneself that they were imagined. This is the attitude of an undeveloped consciousness. * The ability to observe with clarity should be developed in the schools. In the schools it is necessary to test this ability. And the best way is in silence and in darkness. *Understand once again that the time of changes of continents is approaching. Maitreya is coming, in the vanguard of science, addressing its new frontiers. All the problems of science and of the evolution of all that exists are of concern to the Teacher. (344) ==''Hierarchy'' (1931)== * It would be unwise to send out a boat without a rudder. But the Pilot is predestined and the creation of the heart will not be precipitated into the abyss. Like milestones on a luminous path, the Brothers of Humanity, ever alert, are standing on guard, ready to lead the traveler into the chain of ascent.<BR>'''Hierarchy is not coercion, it is the law of the Universe. It is not a threat, but the call of the heart and a fiery admonition directing toward the [[Common good|General Good]]'''. (preamble) * We suffuse space with the flux of evolution. The Brothers of Humanity willingly renounce Paranirvana for the affirmation of human evolution, in their desire to lay the foundation for a better step. The goal is not divested of labor. The goal is not divested of sacrifice. Thus, point out the closeness of the manifestation of [[Maitreya (Theosophy)|Maitreya]].<BR>According to the prophecy of the most ancient Teachers, when humanity loses the foundation of the Teaching and sinks into obscurity, the Epoch of Maitreya will take place. 1 * The [[heart]] of an Arhat is like the Heart of Cosmos. The heart of an Arhat is like the fire of the sun. Eternity and the motion of Cosmos fill the heart of the Arhat. '''Maitreya is coming, radiant with all fires. His Heart is aflame with [[compassion]] for destitute humanity. His Heart is aflame with the affirmation of the new [[understanding|Covenants]].''' 3 * Among people there exists the concept of benumbed Arhats; and poor yogis feed the imaginations of men with their own images. But when humanity shall realize that the Arhat is the highest manifestation of Materia Lucida, it will understand that there is no difference between Materia Lucida which emits Light, and the Matter of Love enveloping all with Light. Humanity invests the Arhat with an austere image, but Materia Lucida radiates Love. 3 * The Ruler of Shambhala reveals three Doctrines to humanity: the Teaching manifested by Maitreya summons the human spirit to Our creative world; the Teaching of Maitreya ordains the infinite in Cosmos, in life, and in the attainments of the spirit; the Teaching of Maitreya guards the knowledge of the Cosmic Fire as the unfoldment of the heart that embraces the manifestation of the Universe. 7 * The ancient legend that affirms the manifestation of Maitreya as a resurrection of the spirit is correct. We will add that the resurrection of the spirit as the conscious acceptance of the Teaching of Lord Maitreya may be precursor of the Advent. 7 * '''Maitreya wishes to hasten all. Maitreya wishes that all should be successfully accomplished. Maitreya wishes you joy. Maitreya wishes to grant to humanity a gift through the fiery experience of Agni Yoga. Maitreya wishes to transform life on Earth in the radiance of the Mother of the World.''' Yes, yes, yes! The beauty of life is limitless!<BR>An Arhat sees with the eyes of the heart. An Arhat sees with the eyes of the heart the beauty of reality. An Arhat sees with the eyes of the heart, and the essence of the future calls Us. Verily is that creativeness affirmed by Us. 8 * '''How stupid are all who deny [[hope]]! How [[Blindness|blind]] are those who affirm the advantage of wars! How few are the consciousnesses that can perceive the regeneration of the planet by way of [[culture]]! Certainly, those who do not comprehend creativeness by means of higher measures will perish in the same old upheavals. Those who do not comprehend the new ways are greatly in need of understanding the Epoch of [[Maitreya (Theosophy)|Maitreya]].''' 390 ==''Heart'' (1932)== *The immediate duty of everyone who knows about the Subtle World is to affirm the existence of this invisible but real world every time the opportunity presents itself. Some people may respond by getting angry, but it will give them an opportunity to think about reality. If research on human physiology were supplemented by the study of the Subtle World, which connects all the various conditions of existence, our world would at once enter into a distinctly new era. I can affirm that the commotion arising from the present turmoil has attained unprecedented proportions, because the bond between the worlds is totally ignored. Let nobody claim that he has not been warned in due time. Let the traveler not forget that he cannot return to the house that he left behind, that it is only by his own efforts that he can reach the Luminous City to which he has been summoned. Let the traveler remind everyone he meets at the crossroads that paths are irreversible. 188. ==''Fiery World'', Part I (1933)== :<small>[http://agniyoga.org/ay_en/Fiery-World-I.php Full text online]</small> *The element of Fire, the most all-pervading, the most creative, the most life-bearing, is least observed and esteemed. The human [[consciousness]] concerns itself with a multitude of empty and insignificant considerations, but the most wonderful of all escapes it. People quarrel over a price in the bazaar, but they have no desire to stretch forth their hands to the treasure. Much that has been told about the [[heart]] must also be applied to the Fiery World, but with particular acuteness. The impetus of Fire is as strong as the structure of a crystal. Not by accident have globes and crystal spheres been employed by [[Clairvoyance|clairvoyants]]. Live embers are needed for the purification of the consciousness; the rainbow flame affirms the striving of the spirit. A multitude of applications of the work of Fire reveal themselves as the most striking conditions of existence. Beginning with the ordinary light formations visible to the open eye, up to the complex fires of the heart, we are led into the realm of the Fiery World. (1) *If we look on our planet from above, we will observe, besides the evident volcanoes, particular vortices of light and darkness. The human spirit can create powerful manifestations of energy. One may state that the vortices of Light are saviors of the equilibrium of the planet. Nor is it far from the truth to state that the vortices of darkness contain a destructive gas, which is not only deadly to the crust of the planet but can alter the climate and even significantly effect a shifting of the poles. Thus powerful is the significance of the human spirit. Hence We treasure the Ashrams where purified Agni is gathered. Many teachings have pointed out the importance of pure places where psychic energy can be affirmed. References to the importance of pure places are found in the Sacred Writings, in the [[Bible]], and in the [[Rigveda|Rig-Veda]]; the [[Tao]] likewise contains knowledge of these treasure-places of Earth. We rejoice when We notice the rise of new Ashrams, for people so seldom think of the power of their spirits! (664) ==''Fiery World'', Part II (1934)== :<small>[http://agniyoga.org/ay_en/Fiery-World-II.php Full text online]</small> *People usually have absolutely no idea how to use the given Teaching. When they hear some formula which seems familiar, they haughtily exclaim, “Again the same thing, known to everyone!” They do not attempt to verify the extent to which this familiar formula has been realized and applied by them. They do not stop to think that the useful Teaching is given not for the sake of novelty but for the upbuilding of a worthy life. (Preface) *The Teaching of Life is not a compilation of unheard-of utopias. Humanity is of very ancient origin; and in the course of ages multifarious sparks of Wisdom have been poured upon Earth, but every cycle has its key. If someone can recognize the present key as a familiar one, then let him rejoice and be thankful for an indication which is close to him. It seems simple, but in reality it proves to be very difficult. People love to listen to news and to receive toys, but few are ready to refine their consciousness. (Preface) *It cannot be that one of the elements has not been stressed in the Teachings. Fire has been mentioned a thousand times, but now the stressing of Fire is no longer a repetition, for it is a warning about events which concern the planet’s fate. Most people will not be able to say that in their hearts they have been preparing for the Fiery Baptism, although the most ancient Teachings forewarned about the inevitable Epoch of Fire. (Preface) *To come to the realization of the necessity not to diminish the attainment of the acceptance of the law, will be already the joy of the spirit. To understand how the Great Planetary Spirits revere discipline, will be already the joy of the spirit. To realize the fiery being within oneself, will be already the joy of the spirit. But to understand this being as a very great responsibility, will be valor... The fiery consciousness is already the finest chemism. It manifests most fully in the interplanetary spaces. Where the physical body feels already exhausted, there begins the fiery breath. Therefore, beings are divided into two types—one thrives in the depths of the lower strata, and the other aspires towards summits. (2) *Let us remember the myth about the “Origin of Mountains.” When the Planetary Creator toiled over the formation of the earth, He gave attention to fertile plains which could provide people with a quiet agriculture. But the Mother of the World said, “Verily, people will find bread and trade in the plains, but when gold will pollute the plains whither shall go the pure in spirit to gather strength? Either let them have wings, or let them have mountains, in order to escape from gold.” And the Creator answered, “It is too early to give wings to people, they would carry death and destruction. But let us give them mountains. Even if some be afraid of them, for others they will be salvation.” Thus there are two kinds of people—people of the plains and people of the mountains. One may remember now these myths, which foretold the contamination of the planet. (5) *People are so carelessly engulfed in an everyday routine of life, that even the most striking thing appears dull to them. Ingratitude, laziness, unwillingness to respond with the heart, all are engendered by darkness of existence. But the fiery path shines with the fire of the heart. (464) *Only the unwise will look into the succeeding book without assimilating the preceding ones. (468) ==''Aum'' (1936) == :<small>[http://agniyoga.org/ay_en/Aum.php Full text online]</small> *Let us examine the rainbow—observe that there is in it no blood-red color, nor black; among the higher radiations we find only a radiance and refinement of color. Certain colors which are reminiscent of the higher spheres penetrate to the surface of Earth. Some people love these echoes of the Higher World, but others, on the contrary, prefer the densest shades... (1) *The physician observes that certain medicines act quite differently on different people. A certain excellent vivifying remedy may act on some people only as an aphrodisiac. People can be tested by their reactions to medicines. A lower nature will draw from substances only the lower, but each entity which is joined to the highest draws precisely the highest. Such a law must be remembered... (2) *A man cannot spend his life without experiencing, though it be but once, the warmth of the heart. Indeed, this will be a fiery sensation, but when it is encircled with a luminous diadem and rainbow, it is then merged with the higher energies. People should not talk and complain that nothing is accessible to them; on the contrary, throughout earthly life they can already sense the great energies. The earthly body cannot always feel such manifestations, it would burn up. But in a lofty state the spirit can nevertheless experience the rays of Grace. Let people not complain, but live more purely. (5) *When you ponder deeply, you will perceive Our path. We are ready to help wherever the law permits. We grieve when We see that people, not having reached the line of salvation, as madmen cast themselves into the abyss. How many thoughts are expended in order to reach the simplest and best result. Yet often the madmen dare to assault the Highest while they are still enveloped by darkness. This is similar to the casting of a stone into the waves of the ocean. True, it may create a little splash, but it can hardly affect the mighty current. Thus it is with all attacks against the great energies. The most savage assault is shattered against the rock of the unconquerable spirit. The boasting of the dark forces only indicates their madness. All-powerful Aum will overcome the most insane and violent attack. (6) [[File:Napalm.jpg|thumb|In the [[Puranas]] it was predicted that toward the end of [[Kali Yuga]] humanity would be driven to acts of madness... such mental confusion fully corresponds with the end of Kali Yuga... humanity is acting insanely. The Thinker warned, “Do not fall into madness.” ~285, Supermundane, (1938)]] [[File:Woman reading, 2003 (3253265421).jpg|thumb| Even during the days of [[Armageddon]] one can begin beneficial self-improvement. If there is not sufficient energy to banish malice, cruelty, and coarseness, one can at least restrain them. Everyone can apply his efforts to this work. Tension is great and it is time to abandon light-mindedness, that most pernicious ignorance. ]] [[File:A reader J2.jpg|thumb|The Thinker instructed, “Everyone can declare war on his own ignorance. Such a war is honorable; it is a guarantee of achievement and a service to his nation.” ]] *The manifestation of unfit elements is great at the end of [[w:Kali Yuga|Kali Yuga]]. The fiercer [[w:Armageddon|Armageddon]] is, the better it serves as purifier of the dross. *At the present time much is being created. In vain may some one think that something does not exist when it is already in existence. Thus it is also with entire nations—some proceed as the dead, others as the newly born. Thus it is in everything. (7) *If earthly substances act so diversely on different people, then how much more varied is the reaction on them of the highest energies! Long ago people understood that for the proper reception of these rays it is needful to bring the organism into a harmonious condition. For this purpose the Wise Ones have indicated the power of sacred invocations. Aum, or phonetically Om, was such a synthesis of sonant strivings. Prayer and inward concentration are excellent attainments which render healthful the state of the spirit. Each one in his own way has contributed a manifestation useful to spiritual concentration, whether he sought the solution in music, in song, or in the dance; there have even been crude methods leading to intoxication and frenzy. There were many deviations and errors, but fundamentally man was striving to create a particularly exalted state of mind, promoting the reception of the higher energies. (4) *The triple consonance is pronounced as “Om!” It is as if two letters merge together, but in reality the Basis and the First Cause are blended in the one Indivisible. One can observe everywhere how goal-fittingly the laws of consonance have been established. (189) *Descending into a deep cavern, one prefers to have a bright and even-burning lamp, rather than a smoky sputtering torch. It is the same with the quality of psychic energy. The sparks of a smoky flare do not improve a situation. But how to attain an even light? Only by constant meditation about the basic energy. Like a wordless mental process, in the rhythm of the heart the inextinguishable Light is strengthened. (591) ==''Brotherhood'' (1937)== *That which is most sacred surrounds the concept of [[Brotherhood]]. That which is most joyful lives in the consciousness that there exists cooperation of Knowledge. Such thought affirms that somewhere there are living True Co-workers. Let us recall the fundamentals which lead to Brotherhood. *Let us consider a concept which has become extremely overburdened. Amidst daily life people assimilate with difficulty an understanding of cooperation, yet much more difficult and inaccessible to them is the concept of Brotherhood. Bodily heritage, that is, blood relationship, impedes the acceptance of the concept of Brotherhood. It is simpler for people to disclaim altogether any understanding of World Brotherhood. They would rather call it a utopia than reflect about the possibility of applying it in life. < <BR>If even in the narrow domain of domestic life people do not find within themselves the affirmation of brotherhood, then in the wider sense it may seem to them to be impractical. Besides, people read carelessly the ancient Covenants, which speak about great numbers of Brothers and Sisters.<BR>Likewise, people’s recollections of the Subtle World have become clouded. Only there is it possible to encounter the expanded realization of Brotherhood. The body impedes the way to many broad ideas. Only by going beyond the limits of the bodily understanding is it possible to recognize brotherly cooperation. Let us gather the signs of such an expanded state of consciousness. (1) *When rocks begin to crumble people break them up and remove them for the security of the road; and so it is with certain human definitions. In the course of centuries a term may lose its original meaning and should be replaced by a word closer to the current period. This has happened with the word initiated. Together with anointment, its original meaning has been relegated to the past. Instead of initiated and uninitiated, let us say knowing and unknowing, or cognizant and ignorant. But it is better to express initiation itself by the word education. Thus it can be expressed without belittlement, in a word closer to contemporary times.<BR>In no way is it right to conceal something good in outmoded words when it is possible to express it more comprehensibly for broad masses of people. Surely, knowledge is not for the elect but for all! Therefore, we should not reiterate outworn morals, but rather, designate the best conditions for scientific cognizance. Only the ignorant will not understand that for the successful advancement of science the best conditions of life must be established.<BR>Science cannot go beyond the limits of the mechanistic circle so long as this wall remains unsurmounted by the understanding of the Subtle World. (10) *Some people talk little about Brotherhood but do much for it. And there are others who always have Brotherhood on their tongues and are never far from treachery. (16) *Let us not take obstinacy along with us. There is no more intolerable burden than stubbornness. People do not even choose a headstrong horse; they will not even take an obstinate dog on a journey. Stubbornness is a paralysis of the best centers. Experiments with psychic energy will be without results if the investigator be stubborn. Reason and wisdom contain no restrictive stubbornness. (19) *Any food containing blood is harmful for the development of subtle energy. If humanity would only refrain from devouring dead bodies, then evolution could be accelerated. Meat lovers have tried to remove the blood, but they have not been able to obtain the desired results. Meat, even with the blood removed, cannot be fully freed from the emanations of this powerful substance. The sun’s rays to a certain extent remove these emanations, but their dispersion into space also causes no small harm. Try to carry out a psychic energy experiment near a slaughterhouse and you will receive signs of acute madness, not to mention the entities which attach themselves to the exposed blood. Not without foundation has blood been called sacred.<BR>There can thus be observed different kinds of people. It is possible to convince oneself particularly as to how strong atavism is. The desire for food containing blood is augmented by atavism, because the many preceding generations were saturated with blood. Unfortunately, governments pay no attention to improving the health of the population. State medicine and hygiene stand at a low level. Medical supervision is no higher than that of the police. No new thought penetrates into these outworn institutions. They can only prosecute, they cannot help.<BR>Hence, on the path to Brotherhood there should be no slaughterhouses. (21) ==''Supermundane'' (1938) == :<small>[http://agniyoga.org/ay_en/Supermundane.php Full text online]</small> * Friend, how can we discuss the Supermundane if [[energy]] is not yet realized as the foundation of Existence? Many will not understand at all what is meant by this, while others may think that they understand the significance of fundamental energy, but cannot think about it with clarity. It is necessary to train one's thought upon the idea of energy until the feeling of it becomes as real as the feeling about any solid object. We speak about feeling, because knowledge alone cannot provide an understanding of energy. (Introduction) * Even if man accepts the truth that fundamentally there is only one energy, this alone will not be enough for progress—one must also learn to picture to oneself its innumerable qualities. Man's customary narrowness of thought limits his perception of the properties of this energy, and thus limits his understanding. (Introduction) * Those who think of the Supermundane as the very Highest are correct. “As below, so above.” Let this ancient saying serve as a guide to cognition of the forces of the Supermundane. (Introduction) * Man has always been afraid of anything mysterious, forgetting that the key to the mystery is within himself. One must free oneself from all impeding conditions or circumstances, which are different for everyone. Progress depends upon free will that is directed toward good... People may laugh, but ideas do rule the world. (2) * On all continents Our healing solicitude is often felt. People receive help and sense a sudden recovery but do not understand whence came the help... a conscious acceptance of Our help increases the beneficial effect.... The ignorant assert that We provoke revolutions and sedition, but actually We have tried many times to prevent murder and destruction. [[Count of St. Germain|Brother Rakoczy]] himself fulfilled the highest measure of love for humanity and was rejected by those whom He tried to save. His actions were recorded in well-known extant memoirs, but still certain liars call him the father of the [[French Revolution]]... Our warning was rejected; nevertheless, it is Our duty to warn the nations... Eventually, people will recall and compare the facts. One can mention events from the history of various countries—recall Napoleon, the appearance of the Advisor to the American Constitutional Convention, the manifestation in Sweden, and the Indication given to Spain. Remember that ten years ago the ruin of Spain was foretold. The sign of [[salvation]] had been given, but, as usual, it was not accepted. We hasten to send help everywhere and rejoice when it is accepted. We sorrow to see what destiny nations prepare for themselves. (6) * We often instruct that [[unity]] be preserved. Such an Indication is not merely a simple moral teaching—disunity is the most abhorrent [[dissonance]]. Nothing strikes space as sharply as dissonance. When people are filled with malicious discord, damaging disruptions in space result immediately. Such people not only harm themselves they also create a spatial [[karma]] involving others like them. It is dreadful to battle with such newly-generated [[chaos]]. People who bring [[discord]] are truly creators of chaos and the [[consequences]] of their malicious abuse are [[grievous]].<BR>We must work for unity, not by [[hymns]] and harps, but by [[labor]] and [[struggle]]. Few will strive to [[Masters of Wisdom|Our Brotherhood]] when they learn about the sweat of Our labor. (7) * Urusvati understands the significance of the [[calmness]] necessary for action. People find many ways to explain this quality. Some think that without an effort of the will there can be no calm. Others see calmness as a true innate characteristic, and still others say that a crooked beginning brings a crooked end, or that calmness depends upon the method of labor. All of these observations have a part of the truth in them, but the most basic one, the quality of experience, is often forgotten.<BR>An inexperienced seaman is apprehensive when boarding a ship, but after ten voyages he astonishes those around him by his calmness. <BR>Our actions are full of calmness. Like experienced seafarers We have passed through countless storms and know how to weather them. To overcome chaos and darkness is Our daily task. Not unexpected battle, but continuous action is the order of the day. Action should be followed by a conscious calmness. This is not like a narcotic stupor, but is a sober and experienced use of goal-fitting strength. (36) * Urusvati carries [[fearlessness]] in her heart. We affirm that this quality is accumulated through faith and lengthy experience. [[Helena Petrovna Blavatsky|Upâsikâ]] was an example of complete fearlessness in life. She was courageous in all circumstances, and no fear could intrude. The life of Upâsikâ was filled with occasions for fear. It was sad to see how many persecutions came together, how her name was slandered. She had no means, and accusers threatened her from all sides. Verily, she was a touchstone of fearlessness! One can cite many such examples throughout the ages. (37) * [[Feminism|Women’s movements]] have a special significance for the immediate future. These movements should be understood not as an assertion of supremacy, but as the establishment of [[justice]]. Much has been said about co-measurement and [[equilibrium]]; precisely for the realization of this principle must the full rights of women be strengthened. One should not think that this will benefit only women; it will promote world equilibrium, and thus is necessary for harmonious evolution... We labor to introduce measures for the achievement of [[equilibrium]], but much opposition is encountered... We are at the helm, but other sailors should also help. The terror of [[Armageddon]] can be transformed into a manifestation of success, but first Armageddon must be discerned and the meaning of [[Masters of Wisdom|Hierarchy]] understood... The role of woman in the world’s economy has been strengthened. Never before have so many women been called to high positions. Our Counsels penetrate into far-off places. (38) * Urusvati pities people who reject the Brotherhood. We pity each one who deprives himself of knowledge about the Stronghold of the world. If a man preserves in his heart a strong awareness that somewhere work is being done for humanity, then he is already participating in life-saving thought. Let it at first be like a dream, let it at times flash out like lightning. Each flash bears witness to the sacred energy. Man should not rebel against the affirmation of this truth. (39) * We hasten to inspire people with fearlessness by every means. We try to whisper about the harm of [[fear]] and the foolishness of terror. From remote times people have been accustomed to fear so-called [[Death|death.]] They were always intimidated by [[hell]], and at the same time were not told about the meaning of perfectment. One cannot ask people to be brave if they do not know why they are on Earth, and where they will be directed when liberated. We entrust Our co-workers to repeat as much as they can to people about the great Eternity and the [[Reincarnation|continuity of life]]... We know what devastation [[fear]] produces in the human organism. Earthly physicians should distinguish a special kind of sickness caused by fear. Let them experience Our tension. Let them understand how harmful is fear.<BR>We entrust Our co-workers to repeat as much as they can to people about the great Eternity and the continuity of life. We have not left, but have voluntarily remained on Earth. We have consciously accepted earthly life. We could be far away, but choose to remain with the suffering ones. Our Vigil would not be unswerving if We were influenced by fear.<BR> As physicians We know what devastation fear produces in the human organism. Earthly physicians should distinguish a special kind of sickness caused by fear. Let them experience Our tension. Let them understand how harmful is fear. Do not think that fieriness comes by itself; it must be cultivated through many lives.(44) * The manifestation of unfit elements is great at the end of [[Kali Yuga]]. The fiercer [[Armageddon]] is, the better it serves as purifier of the dross. (66) * There are those who do not like to clean their own homes, and the resulting accumulations often end in conflagration. Therefore, he who fears labor should forget about Our existence. (66) * The end of Kali Yuga is significant, for many cosmic events are connected with this period... [[Armageddon]] was predicted ages ago, and the abnormalities at the end of Kali Yuga were described in the [[Puranas]], but even keen thinkers underestimated those clear indications.<BR> However, the unusualness of the events does not impress humanity, whose mental confusion was also predicted ages ago. (106) * We do not conceal the need for urgent measures, because, in the ongoing Armageddon, the [[Evil|dark ones]] hope to corrupt all human energies. (122) * The significance of [[Armageddon]] is little understood. Anyone who knows about the approaching end of [[Kali Yuga]] recognizes that it cannot occur without world upheavals. The forces that were particularly powerful during the Black Age must now struggle for survival, and they prefer a general catastrophe to defeat... The tension of spatial currents and the discovery of Primal Energy could not be mentioned in the Puranas even though they were intended for the seeking, advanced thinkers. But both of these conditions have now been manifested in a pronounced form, making the significance of the approaching end of Kali Yuga the more obvious. (127) * Urusvati knows the variety of conditions that may relate to one’s [[Reincarnation|incarnations]]. The Thinker said, “Once upon a time a great leader delivered a brilliant speech, and when he had finished he began to look for something on the ground. A simple silver ring had fallen from his finger. People smiled and suggested that he cease looking for an object of such insignificance and little value, but the leader said, ‘You do not know the origin of this ring. Perhaps the whole speech was delivered on its account.’ ”<BR>And so it may happen with incarnations. People may have to return just to find a little ring that is of great importance to them, but of no value to others. People cannot understand why some great incarnations are followed by seemingly insignificant ones, but who can tell what valuable object must be found during the difficult journey? Often, in the course of general self-perfectment, a small, precious stone is required that seems insignificant, but is of great value. Various incarnations indicate that an important task must be performed for the sake of general evolution. (233) * It is true that [[Armageddon]] is raging and incredible crimes have been committed, but it is also true that against the background of these terrors a speedy evolution rushes onward. Is it possible that people do not see how much of the new is entering life? We should not permit the doubting worldlings to proclaim that the [[evil|dark forces]] are victorious. That which belongs to [[Infinity]] cannot be conquered. * The Thinker wisely encouraged His disciples, and prophesied the victory of the Forces of Light. (259) * '''In the [[Puranas]] it was predicted that toward the end of Kali Yuga humanity would be driven to acts of [[madness]]. It is very dangerous that people do not recognize this state, for while it is possible to cure a patient who does not resist treatment, if he struggles against it the beneficial effects of the medicine will be diminished. But how do you explain to people that their leaders and their teachers are insane? ...such mental confusion fully corresponds with the end of Kali Yuga... Most people hate the messenger who brings knowledge... let them at least remember the warning that humanity is acting insanely. * The Thinker warned, “Do not fall into madness.”''' (285) * You certainly know that We consider war to be the shame of mankind, but one situation that can be considered as worse is the decay of humanity. [[Armageddon]] should not be understood as only a physical battle. It is full of incalculable dangers, among which will be epidemics, but the most ruinous consequence will be psychic perversions. People will lose trust in one another, and will compete in doing evil. They will develop a persistent hatred of all except their own kind, and will sink into irresponsibility and depravity. (286) * To all these insanities will be added the most shameful—the intensified competition between male and female. We insist upon equal and full rights for women, but the servants of darkness will expel them from many fields of activity, even where they bring the most benefit. We have spoken about the many maladies in the world, but the renewed struggle between the male and female principles will be the most tragic. It is hard to imagine how disastrous this will be, for it is a struggle against evolution itself! What a high price humanity pays for every such opposition to evolution! In these convulsions the young generations are corrupted. [[Plato]] spoke about beautiful thinking, but what kind of beauty is possible when there is hostility between man and woman? Now is the time to think about equal and full rights, but darkness invades the tensed realms. However, all the dark attacks will serve a certain good purpose, for those who have been humiliated in [[w:Kali Yuga|Kali Yuga]] will be glorified in [[w:Satya Yuga|Satya Yuga]]. ... * Let us remember that these years of [[Armageddon]] are the most intense, and one’s health should be especially guarded because the cosmic currents will increase many diseases. You must understand that this time is unique... It is near-sighted to think that if war is prevented all problems will be solved! There are those who think so and imagine that they can cheat evolution, not realizing that the worst war is in their own homes. However, there do exist places on Earth where evolution develops normally, and We are always there. (286) * The sages of antiquity tried to appeal to the conscience of people by relating tales about epic heroes who could converse with the far-off worlds, but the legends remained mere fairy-tales. Even in this century, the Age of Energy, people pay no attention to the energy of thought. One can rejoice that transference of thought is being studied in some universities, but unfortunately this research has been limited to a few mechanical methods that will never enlighten humanity regarding the importance of thought as the subtlest energy. *The realization of the energy of thought must help to discipline the free will. It must be understood that dire planetary events are caused by the impetuosity of unbridled free will. Earth is now experiencing Armageddon, and in this calamity the free will is of great importance. Supermundane forces could not precipitate such a calamity without the long-term participation of humanity. <BR>I beg you to pay attention to this epidemic of psychic madness. We cannot attribute what is taking place to any particular group of individuals, and must recognize that the people of all nations contribute to the world’s upheavals. One should not think that events are born and die of themselves. Perhaps the seeds that were sown two thousand years ago are now sprouting. So carefully does space guard the phenomenon of thought. * The Thinker pointed out that people can recognize their present condition of being when looking back into their ancient repositories. (445) * It is regrettable that after millions of years people do not understand what dangers they evoke from space! But even during the days of [[Armageddon]] one can begin beneficial self-improvement. If there is not sufficient energy to banish malice, cruelty, and coarseness, one can at least restrain them. Everyone can apply his efforts to this work. Tension is great and it is time to abandon light-mindedness, that most pernicious ignorance... * The Thinker instructed, '''“Everyone can declare war on his own ignorance. Such a war is honorable; it is a guarantee of achievement and a service to his nation.”''' (625) * Humanity should study the foundations of [[w:heredity|heredity]]. But this will be possible only when science is liberated from [[superstition]] and limitation. ... Indeed, scientists of limited mind can observe heredity only within the context of the family; in other words, within the most narrow limitations. They occasionally do observe those inherited traits that may appear even after several generations. But they cannot make the more sensitive observations, because they do not believe in [[reincarnation]] or in the Supermundane World. It is impossible to properly observe man within these narrow, ignorant limitations, but one may hope that science will free itself and will achieve true insights... * The Thinker reminded, “Liberate science, hasten to remove its fetters.” (930) * “Thinking of the Beautiful, we attract to ourselves beautiful worlds.” So said the Thinker. (931) * No pleas or commands can help, no tears or praise can help, if the [[heart]] is closed. An ancient psalm proclaims wisely, “My heart is open.” He who said it recognized the fundamental magnet... An open heart is a victory over earthly limitations. Some will say it is too late for us to transform our hearts. They prove their ignorance with such a notion. They do not understand that the word “late” must be banished from their dictionary. Life is limitless and uninterrupted, and it is never too late for any achievement. (932) * People often talk about Macrocosm and microcosm, and at the same time, do not see their main foundations. They do not admit the existence of the primary energy, the Supermundane World and the spiritual basis of everything. What kind of Macrocosm could it be without basic foundations? It would be a poor ruin and the microcosm would be a pitifully deformed creature. (934) * Some insightful scientists sense that even in their most brilliant discoveries something is lacking. They understand inwardly that the laws discovered by them are only partial and can be extended to new boundaries. But, since from their early childhood no one ever spoke to them about the law of the [[spirit]], they do not find within themselves the courage to seek unlimited knowledge. Examples can be cited of serious researchers who concealed their broad observations. They were afraid to go beyond the boundaries of their limited science. In secret they read the works of great thinkers but would never admit to their own new paths. (934) * The Thinker said, “There will come a new scientist, bold and unlimited.” (934) * We have no need of fakirs who stand on their heads. We have no need of sorcerers with a halo of clairvoyance, selling their crumbs of prognostication for money. We wish a true Yogi to be a good sower, a servant of the Common Good. This entreaty must be remembered, for people forget the simplest, most urgent advice. (953) * In the Supermundane World [[gratitude]] will always be a valuable quality. Because of his link with the Subtle World, the Yogi understands the significance of gratitude. It has already been said that gratitude is valuable to the one who feels it. At each action of good, the fire of the heart shines brightly and fills the emanations with [[healing]]. (955) * Yet people persistently do not want to understand the significance of giving thanks. No one has spoken to the children about the inner meaning of the sendings of [[Benevolence|good]]. They can only in their own way grasp the benefit of gratitude. Sometimes they are compelled to repeat some senseless gratitude, whose inner meaning is not even explained to them. What meaning can there be in the senseless repetition of words not even understood?... * The Thinker taught, “Learn to understand gratitude. It will build the Abode of Good.” (955) ==Quotes about == ==See also == {{wikipedia}} *[[The_Ageless_Wisdom_Teachings|The Ageless Wisdom Teachings]] * The Master [[Koot Hoomi]] * [[Masters of Wisdom]] * The Master [[Morya]] *[[Helena Roerich]] == External links == * [http://www.agniyoga.org The Agni Yoga Society] * [http://www.roerich.ee/index.php Estonian Roerich Society] {{commonscat|Helena Roerich}} {{Authority control}} [[Category:Philosophy]] [[Category:Theosophy]] raal62pr48vbqxkscw2jekvnt6htbs9 14 211429 3778575 2929160 2025-07-14T12:49:03Z UDScott 4304 Moving from [[Category:Activists]] to [[Category:Activists by issue]] using [[c:Help:Cat-a-lot|Cat-a-lot]] 3778575 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Activists by issue]] [[Category:Climate change]] 9y2xzdgamzyzw21a1vy0lqbr05tymq8 14 211687 3778601 2630797 2025-07-14T12:49:07Z UDScott 4304 Moving from [[Category:Activists]] to [[Category:Activists by issue]] using [[c:Help:Cat-a-lot|Cat-a-lot]] 3778601 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Non-governmental organizations|Non-governmental organizations]]''', '''nongovernmental organizations''', or '''nongovernment organizations''', commonly referred to as '''NGOs''', are usually [[w:nonprofit organization|non-profit]] and sometimes international organizations independent of governments and international governmental organizations (though often funded by governments) that are active in humanitarian, educational, health care, public policy, social, human rights, environmental, and other areas to affect changes according to their objectives. [[Category:Activists by issue]] [[Category:Organizations]] qjboiz6855cey371r6i99o1fi83kot1 0 213036 3778986 3766936 2025-07-15T02:23:29Z 2601:84:C903:B4E0:CCD7:7A38:B89E:B671 /* The Witches' Downfall (Cinélume)/Fire and Ice (4Kids) */ 3778986 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Seasons:''' [[Winx Club (season 1)|1]] [[Winx Club (season 2)|2]] [[Winx Club (season 3)|3]] [[Winx Club (season 4)|4]] [[Winx Club (season 5)|5]] [[Winx Club (season 6)|6]] [[Winx Club (season 7)|7]] | [[Winx Club|Main]] ---- '''''[[w:Winx Club|Winx Club]]''''' is an animated television series created by [[w:Iginio Straffi|Iginio Straffi]] and animated by [[w:Rainbow (company)|Rainbow SpA]], in co-production with [[w:Nickelodeon|Nickelodeon]] (Seasons 5 and 6) and [[w:Rai Fiction|Rai Fiction]]. ===An Unexecpted Event (Cinélume)/It Feels Like Magic (4Kids)=== '''Vanessa''': Wake up sleepyhead, the sun's been up for ages! <br> '''Bloom''':''[Still in bed]'' Just 5 more minutes Mom! <br> '''Vanessa''': You're late Bloom. <br> '''Bloom''': School? Oh no! ''[running around, doing mostly everything at once]'' Why didn't you wake me up before? Oh, the alarm didn't go off! Oh no! I can't believe this! ''[suddenly realizing something]'' Hang on, school's out! The alarm didn't go off because I'm on vacation, oh mom! Your joke is NOT funny! <hr width="50%" /> '''Mike''':''[reading newspaper, to Bloom]'' Good Morning Sunshine! <br> '''Bloom''': I'm not going to spend my summer working in a shop! I wish I could go somewhere fun, with my friends! <br> '''Mike''':When you're older you can go wherever you want. <br> '''Bloom''': How old is older? I'm already 16, Dad! <br> '''Mike''': Only 16! You are still my little [[girl]]! ===Welcome to Magix! (Cinélume)/More Than High School (4Kids)=== *Musa, Tecna and Flora (Fairies of Music, Technology and Nature) transform into their regular Winx/Fairy forms for the first time. <hr width80%> :'''Flora's Plant''': Whaoow! That hurt! :'''Bloom''': Wow. I'm sorry. :'''Flora''': He's my latest creation :'''Bloom''': He talks? :'''Flora''': He's cute, isn't he? My theory is that if more plants talked, deforestation would be dramatically reduced. It's worth trying. If it just saves one tree... Hi, I'm Flora. ''[knocks over plant]'' Oopsie. :'''Plant''': Can't a plant get a break around here? Oahhh. :'''Flora''': Sorry, honey. :'''Bloom''': Anyway, I'm Bloom. :'''Stella''': ''[clears throat, and whispers]'' Uhh, Bloom. :'''Bloom''': Oh! Uhh... What I meant to say is Bloom's a name I like a lot, but it's not my name. Actually, my real name is... ''[backs up and reads what is written by the door]'' Varanda of...of... Valisto. Yup. That's me. :'''Tecna''': Valisto. Fourth world of Magix upper realm. Well known for its renowned artists and tradition. It's beaches are very popular with tourists. :'''Bloom''': Right. That's where I'm from. :'''Tecna''' Cool. My name's Tecna. :'''Stella''': Hey Tecna! I'm Stella. But I'm also...the princess of Solairia :'''Tecna''': You are quite infamous. :'''Musa''': That's the word on the street. Yo. If you plan to blow up more stuff, let us know ahead so we can bounce. :''[Bloom, Tecna and Flora giggle]'' :'''Stella''': It was in the name of fashion. I don't regret it. :'''Tecna''': I'm curious. Were you actually able to create this new shade of pink? :'''Stella''': No! But when I do, it's going to be the official color of Solaria! <hr width=80%> : ''(All five Winx Club girls transformed into their standard Winx/Fairy forms)'' : '''Tecna:''' ''Static Sphere!'' : '''Musa:''' ''Sonic Blast!'' : '''Flora:''' ''Golden Pollen!'' <hr width=80%> : '''Icy:''' Alright you little firsties! You are history! Now it's gong to get piercing cold! : '''Tecna:''' Everybody get behind me! ''Firewall.'' <hr width=80%> :'''Stella''': It's okay. You could have survived at least another 15 minutes in that ice. You know, considering your from Earth and all, you did an outstandingly splendid, Bloom. You are so brave! :'''Musa, Flora, and Tecna''': Stella! :'''Stella''': Uh... :'''Flora''': Why did you just call her Bloom and say that she's from planet Earth?! :'''Stella''': Uh, right. There might be some tiny minor details we need to fill you in on. I'll give you the whole scoop on the way back to Alfea. <hr width=80%> : '''Bloom:''' My name is Bloom and I come from Earth. : '''Griselda:''' From Earth as in planet Earth? How can that be possible? : '''Bloom:''' But please, don't send me back home. This is the most amazing place ever. <hr width=80%> : '''Faragonda:''' I thought there were no more magical beings left on Earth. : '''Griselda:''' Me neither. I thought they all died centuries ago. : '''Faragonda:''' Well then, who is Bloom? ===Alfea College for Fairies (Cinélume)/Save the First Dance (4Kids)=== :''[Bloom achieves her standard Winx/Fairy form for the very first time, further developing and magnifying her inherent magical powers as a fairy]'' <hr width80%> :'''Icy:''' You pathetic Earth girl. How'd you even get into this school? You don't have any Winx at all. : '''Bloom:''' You're wrong! I ''do'' have Winx! : '''Icy:''' No. I don't think so. : '''Bloom:''' I'll show you! I do have Winx! I know it!! : (''Taps into her innate magical powers and transforms into her regular Winx/Fairy form'') <hr width80%> : (''After transforming into her standard Winx/Fairy form for the first time'') :'''Bloom:''' Cool! I knew I could do it! Now let's see what you're made of! : '''Icy:''' Aw, isn't that so cute? You got your fairy wings. Too bad your little outfit can't do your fighting for you. <hr width=80%> :'''Bloom''': I can handle this. Come on, focus! Just focus, Bloom. I got! Now you better hand over Stella's ring or you'll have to face my wrath! : '''Icy:''' Hey, get a load of that 'tude :'''Darcy''':I know. A couple of wings and she thinks she's all that. <hr width=80%> : '''Icy:''' We're gonna teach you a lesson! ''Frozen Prism.'' : '''Stormy:''' ''Arctic Blast.'' : '''Icy:''' All right, let's wrap this up with my personal favorite. ''Ice Coffin.'' We got the ring and Earth girl is history. We're done here. ===The Black-Mud Swamp (Cinélume)/The Voice of Nature (4Kids)=== :'''Flora''': That tree turned to stone. :'''Stella''': Turned to stone? Talk about being statuesque! <hr width70%> :'''Bloom''': Maybe the voice of [[nature]] can give us a clue. :'''Flora''': That's right, the voice of nature! :'''Tecna''': What do you mean "voice"? I can't hear a thing. ===Date with Disaster=== : (''After transforming into her Winx/Fairy form'') : '''Tecna:''' ''Firewall Shield.'' : '''Musa:''' You go, Tecna! <hr width=80%> : '''Bloom:''' Guys, that's not Stella. You know who calls us pixies. Are you Icy or Darcy!!? : '''Evil Stella:''' And the slowest horse crosses the finish line! Congratulations. Here's your prize. : (''Transforms into her true form, Darcy'') : '''Bloom:''' What have you witches' done with Stella!!? : '''Icy:''' She's right here! <hr width=80%> : '''Bloom:''' Everybody stop! Okay, the wings are coming off! : (''Turns back to normal'') : '''Flora:''' Bloom? : '''Bloom:''' We can't risk Stella's safety. You guys win this time. ===Mission at Cloudtower (Cinélume)/Secret Guardian (4Kids)=== : '''Daphne:''' Bloom. Listen to me, Bloom. I can save you. : '''Bloom:''' What? : '''Daphne:''' You have to trust me. I want you to follow my voice. You know my voice. Think back in time, Bloom. Way back. Remember? I used to watch over you. : '''Bloom:''' Oh. : '''Daphne:''' This way, Bloom. Follow me. <hr width70%> : '''Tecna:''' Bloom, what happened to you back there? : '''Bloom:''' Well, I heard this voice. It told me to follow it. This might totally bananas, but I knew I could trust the voice. : '''Stella:''' Bananas got us out. So I guess you were right to listen to it. ===Friends in Need (Cinélume)/Grounded (4Kids)=== :'''Darcy:''' A real witch would let such an offense go unpunished. :'''Icy:''' And neither shall we, my dear Darcy. Since the power of the Dragon's not in the Solaria Ring, we'll go find the true source of power, and then use it to destroy their entire school. <hr width70%> :'''Darcy:''' Shall we go? :'''Icy:''' Because of those twits!? I want the Dragon Fire power, and I'll burn in the flames of before I let a handful of pixies get in my way! :'''Stormy:''' Me, too. Once we get, we're so gonna rule, they'll be naming entire realms after the three of us. :'''Icy:''' So let's conjure the Wisperian Crystal. They'll find the source of the Dragon Fire, and lead us straight to it. <hr width70%> :'''Icy:''' It's like the power keeps moving. <hr width70%> :'''Icy:''' Interesting. The Wisperian Crystals are responding strongly. That means the Dragon Fire is in this room. But I don't see anything, so we'll just trash the place until we find it!! :'''Bloom:''' You're not trashing anything!! Turn on the lights, Riven. <hr width70%> :'''Faragonda:''' The Dragon Fire power is just a myth. Or is it? Well, the Witches' said it was right here in this room, but I know it's not in the Solaria Ring. Is it possible they're right? And if they are, how did it get here? And who's got it? <hr width70%> ===A Friendship Sundered (Cinélume)/The Day of the Rose (4Kids)=== :''(In Cinélume dub)'' :'''Bloom''': I'll be cheering for you, Brandon! :'''Sky''': Hey, Riven. Who's cheering for you? Stella's cheering for me, Bloom's cheering for Brandon. But you don't have any one. :'''Riven''': I can have any girl I want! Wanna bet? :'''Brandon''': What kind of bet? :'''Riven''': My kind of bet! If I win the race, I get to pick one of your fairy friends to be my escort for the ball this evening. :'''Brandon''': ''[turns away]'' This is stupid! :'''Riven''': Oh, is it? Well, in this case, I'll choose... Uh, Bloom. Is that a deal? :''[Stella goes wide]'' :'''Bloom''': ''[disbelief]'' What?! ''[She steps in front of Riven, clearly irritated]'' Maybe you should ask me first! :'''Riven''': Yeah. But- :'''Bloom''': No "but". Who do you think you are? Just so you know, I choose who I go out with! ''[Riven's expression becomes severe]'' And I wouldn't go out with you if you were the last guy on Earth! ''[Riven growls in anger]'' You're just a ridiculous, arrogant, pathetic windbag! ''[The other three cannot hide their shock. Brandon frowns]'' Go ahead, win the race but I'm warning you - don't you come near me! ''[She crosses her arms and angrily pouts. Riven grabs a hold of Bloom's chin and turns it towards his, getting close to her face]'' :'''Riven''': Tch. Oh? Do you really mean what you just said? I think deep down, you like me. :''[Brandon goes wide out, and becomes furious out of pure jealousy. Clutching his fist and scowling. Bloom quickly knocks Riven's hand off of her]'' :'''Bloom''': Hey! Hands off! Don't be cheeky with me, Riven! You should show people a little more respect! ''[She levitates a flower pot over Riven's head and dumping water all over him. Everyone laughs]'' :'''Brandon''': Oops! :'''Bloom''': Uh... I didn't mean to, Riven I'm sorry! :'''Riven''': Go away! :'''Brandon''': Be Calm, Riven! :'''Riven''': Screw you, Brandon! Piss off, all of you! ''[He runs away]'' :'''Stella''': Hey, he had it coming! :'''Riven''': ''[He is walking around the festival, while people stare at him]'' Fudge, fudge, fudge! Girls, huh! Who needs them? I sure don't. I don't need anybody! ''[He leans against the store front and looks at himself in the reflected glass]'' I don't need this stupid party! <hr width70%> :''(In 4Kids dub)'' :'''Bloom''': I’ll be rooting for you Brandon. :'''Sky (Brandon)''': So who’s gonna be rooting for you, Riven? Bloom’s rooting for Brandon, Stella’s rooting for me, where’s your cheerleader? :'''Riven''': I don’t need one, dude, unlike you. :'''Brandon (Sky)''': Relax, Riven! :'''Riven''': Trust me, if I actually wanted one of these Alfea pixies, I could have my pick of the whole litter, and both of you know it. :'''Bloom and Stella''': Huh? :'''Brandon (Sky)''': This is dumb. :'''Riven''': In fact, a certain someone’s been giving me the eye. Isn’t that right, Bloom? :''[Stella gasps]'' :'''Bloom''': ''[very shocked]'' What?! The only ‘I’, I’d give you is "I don’t think so". ''[She walks up to him]'' :'''Riven''': ''[unconvinced]'' Right. :'''Bloom''': ''[to Riven, furiously]'' What is with you? Hey I think I know who I like, and trust me, I don’t go for the whole jerk thing. I still can’t figure out why Musa’s got a crush on you. ''[Riven starts to get mad]'' You’re a totally conceited, totally cocky, totally boring '''''waste of good oxygen!''''' ''[Stella, Sky and Brandon all looked shocked at her outburst and worried for Riven’s reaction]'' I’m sorry, but guys like you give guy’s a bad name, Riven. ''[She looks away]'' :'''Riven''': You are really cute when you’re angry, you know that? ''[He touches Bloom's chin and leans in closer. Brandon (Sky) gets annoyed]'' I dig girls who play hard to get. :'''Brandon (Sky)''': Augh. :'''Bloom''': ''[Her hand balls into a fist before pushing Riven away]'' Eugh! Don’t you touch me. ''[She draws her magic to her fingertips]'' You know what I think you need to just cool down, Riven. ''[She summons a nearby pot of flowers and tips the water from it over Riven’s head. Brandon (Sky) gasps. The water soaks into Riven’s shirt and pants. Stella gasps and laughs]'' :'''Sky (Brandon)''': Looks like someone wet their pants. :''[Stella, Bloom, Brandon and Sky laugh]'' :'''Bloom''': Still think I’m cute when I’m angry? :'''Riven''': ''He is really mad]'' I am so gonna make you pay for that, Bloom. :'''Bloom''': ''[She gasps, startled by the intense anger in Riven’s voice., worried]'' We were just kidding, weren’t we? Riven, I thought... ''[She tries to touch Riven’s shoulder but he brushes her off]'' :'''Riven''': Get away! :'''Brandon (Sky)''': Come on, Riven, she...''[He also tries to console Riven but is brushed off]'' :'''Riven''': Hands off, Brandon. I’m getting out of here. ''[He runs off leaving the others confused]'' :'''Stella''': Please. He had it coming. <hr width70%> :'''Musa:''' I lost my mom when I was kid, so today's kind of a bittersweet day. And my dad's out of town at that hip hop tour of his. ===Betrayed! (Cinélume)/Spelled (4Kids)=== *The Trix sisters discover the current possessor of the ancient, almighty Dragon Fire power- Bloom. <hr width70%> :'''Flora:''' It's so wired. It's like her Winx is activating. :'''Stella:''' Activating in her sleep? Whoa. Did you see her outfit change? I wish I could do that in my sleep. :'''Flora:''' When this happens to magical beings, it means her powers are evolving. <hr width70%> :'''Bloom:''' I've definitely seen that face before. I remember where I saw her! She's one of the nymphs on the walls Town Hall. <hr width70%> :'''Bloom:''' Now I know her name- Daphne. <hr width70%> :''(In Cinélume dub)'' :'''Icy''': Well, well, look who's here. ''[She and Stormy have sneaked up behind Musa]'' :'''Stormy''': Why, it's one of the little fairies? :'''Musa''': Please, not today, okay. I don't feel... ''[As she tries to leave but Icy blocks her way]'' :'''Icy''': Not so fast. Where do you think you're going? :'''Musa''': ''[She walks around her]'' Back to Alfea. :'''Icy''': ''[offscreen]'' No, you're not. ''[She grabs Musa's wrist]'' :'''Musa''': Huh? :'''Icy''': First, we want to know, why were you spying on our friend, Darcy? :'''Musa''': ''[She pulls her wrist free]'' I wasn't spying on anyone! Especially not Darcy! ''[She tries to walk away again but Stormy blocks her way]'' :'''Stormy''': Trust Icy to recognize a spy when she sees one. :'''Icy''': I bet you were watching Riven. You've got a crush on him, don't you? :'''Musa''': Leave me alone! :'''Icy''': ''[offscreen]'' Silly girl! You know, the other day Riven said that he thinks nothing of you! :'''Stormy''': Ha! :''[Musa continues to cry]'' :'''Icy''': ''[offscreen]'' Absolutely nothing. ''[Musa raise her hand to slaps Icy. The commotion is heard by the witches insides]'' Ouch! ''[Musa gasps in horror]'' She slapped me! She slapped me in the face! :'''Stormy''': Woah, I can even see the prints of her fingers. Does it hurt? :'''Icy''': Of course it hurts, dummy! :'''Musa''': I'm so sorry, Icy, I didn't mean to hurt you! :'''Icy''': You! You are going to pay for this! ''[She clicks at a nearby witch]'' Hey you! Fetch the others. We need to teach this little Winx a lesson she won't soon forget. :''[The witch goes inside]'' :'''Stormy''': What do you want to do? :'''Musa''': Yeah, what's wrong with you Icy? You need backup to fight me? :'''Icy''': I don't want to fight, sweetie. I just want to give your facial attributes a little magic treatment. <hr width70%> :''(In 4Kids dub)'' :'''Icy''': No wonder it reeks of loser, look who's here. ''[She and Stormy appear behind Musa]'' :'''Stormy''': Why, it's the one with the pigtails. :'''Musa''': ''[scoffs]'' Bug off, perm-head. Go back to your...''[She tries to leave but Icy blocks her way]'' :'''Icy''': Not so fast. Where do you think you're going? :'''Musa''': ''[She walks around her and tries to walk away]'' Back to civilization. :'''Icy''': No, you're not. ''[She grabs Musa's wrist]'' Not until you explain what you're doing in our territory. :'''Musa''': ''[She pulls her wrist free]'' Don't make me laugh! I go wherever I want! ''[She tries to leave again but Stormy blocks her way]'' :'''Stormy''': You don't come onto Cloud Tower turf and if you do, you don't get to leave. :'''Icy''': That's right, at least not until we're done with you. :'''Musa''': You don't want to get into it with me, witch! :'''Icy''': ''[offscreen]'' You're not in the Harmonic Realm now, little princess, and your daddy and his hip hop palace guards aren't here to protect you. :'''Musa''': ''[offscreen, The witches inside the cafe notice the ruckus]'' Complexion smear, wart adhere! ''[She casts a spell causing a wart to appear on Icy's face, shocked]'' It worked! :'''Icy''': How dare you!? My flawless face! :'''Stormy''': Woah, that has to be the single most disgusting wart ever! :'''Icy''': Nobody asked you! :'''Musa''': I warned you. I told you to leave me alone. :'''Icy''': Goodbye wart, gross and gory, return my beauty to its glory. ''[She casts a spell and the wart disappears]'' All gone. Now what should I do to this pig-tailed pixie to teach her to show some respect. :'''Stormy''': Let's mess her up! :'''Musa''': Yeah, yeah, you're good a trash talking. Why don't you show me what you got? :'''Icy''': I will! The entire Cloud Tower senior class is here and I'm gonna make an example out of you. <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' It was the same voice that led us out of Cloud Tower. I'm sure of it. <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' Musa! Move!! : '''Stormy:''' You can't help your friend! She's finished! : '''Bloom:''' No, she isn't! ''Get out of my way!!'' <hr width70%> : '''Stormy:''' Icy, check your crystal. : '''Icy:''' Whisperia! Show me! Show the Dragon power! It's ''her''! <hr width70%> : '''Sky:''' You had an insane amount of power. Do you realize this? : '''Bloom:''' All I really remember is getting super mad. : '''Tecna:''' Well, I believe that Bloom's power has evolved to a completely higher level. <hr width70%> : '''Stormy:''' I almost broke a nail out there. : '''Darcy:''' I can't believe we were defeated by a freshman. I hope it doesn't ruin our rep. : '''Icy:''' It doesn't matter. Not even one bit. We know who has the Dragon power. : '''Stormy:''' We are so gonna rule. : '''Icy:''' We'll rule everything and everybody. ===Bloom Tested (Cinélume)/Magical Reality Check (4Kids)=== : '''Icy:''' The Dragon Fire will be ours. : '''Stormy:''' But she has to unleash it so we can capture it, right? So, what if she doesn't use the Dragon Fire? : '''Darcy:''' She will as long as we make her really mad. : '''Stormy:''' If can do a simple thing like that...We don't deserve to be called witches. <hr width70%> : '''Faragonda:''' Oh no, the chamber. It picked Sparx. <hr width70%> : '''Icy:''' Bunny burgers anyone? : '''Bloom:''' STOP!! : '''Icy:''' It's all your fault. : '''Stormy:''' You did let it happen. : '''Darcy:''' That's right. : '''Icy:''' It's a shame. Bunny was so cute. : '''Bloom:''' ''I'M GOING TO GET YOU FOR THAT!!'' <hr width70%> : '''Icy:''' Now! Move girls! : '''Stormy:''' This is it! : '''Icy:''' The crystals are working. Yes! Yes! Yes!! The power is ours! NO!! : '''Stormy:''' It got away!? : '''Icy:''' The Dragon Fire is meant to be ours and we'll get it, no matter what it takes!! ===The Monster and the Willow (Cinélume)/Junior League (4Kids)=== :'''Tecna:''' And now for a light source. ''Digilluminator.'' <hr width70%> :'''Tecna:''' Bloom, you have to help me. We're going to need all the Winx we can muster. ===Miss Magix=== :''(In Cinélume dub)'' :'''Stella''': ''[She shows off an outfit]'' How about this? :'''Bloom''': Stella, you have to wear the same outfit as everybody else. :'''Tecna''': That's the rule. :'''Flora''': ''[She and Musa enter the dressing room]'' Stella! We've brought everything you need to win. :'''Musa''': Starting with soft and relaxing music to allow the face muscles to loosen up. ''[She uses her music on the CD player which starts to play]'' :'''Flora''': And then it's oil of arrabattola and leaves of Ranco-ficus. :'''Stella''': Whatever means of torture you deem appropriate, as long as I become the new Miss Magix. :'''Flora''': You will have the smoothest skin in the whole dimension. :'''Musa''': And your hair will be like gold silk. :'''Stella''': Oh, the things I must bear. :''[Someone starts to cry and the girls go investigate]'' :'''Beauty Contest Contestant''': ''[tearfully]'' What am I going to do now? :'''Girl''': I'm sure we'll find a solution. :'''Bloom''': ''[She walks up to the contestant and her friend]'' What's happened? That's so terrible. :'''Girl''': A catastrophe. :'''Beauty Contest Contestant''': ''[tearfully]'' Look what happened to my hair. Normally it's straight. I was just walking down the hall when poof, my whole head of hair puffed up just like that! ''[The contestant starts crying again. Bloom touches the her hair which bounces, making her cry harder. Stella gasps]'' :'''Stella''': What is that?! :''[Bloom winces. The contestant cries even harder and runs off. She encounters Icy, Darcy and Stormy in the hallway]'' :'''Darcy''': Nice hair. :'''Icy''': Congratulations. ''[She, Darcy and Stormy laugh meanly and the contestant starts to bawl. Bloom watches from around the corner]'' :'''Bloom''': The usual suspects. <hr width70%> :''(In 4Kids dub)'' :'''Stella''': ''[She models an outfit of a short purple skirt, and a pink and green crop top for Bloom and Tecna]'' You like this? :'''Bloom''': Yeah, it's really cute. Perfect for the fitness competition. :'''Flora''': ''[She and Musa enter the dressing Stella]'' Stella! :'''Stella''': What do you have there? :'''Flora''': A fresh botanical beauty booster. :'''Musa''': And an out of this realm tune. It's so hot it'll make your eyelashes curl. ''[She makes the radio play a song]'' :'''Flora''': This will maximise your natural beauty but it might sting a little. :'''Stella''': ''[She conjures up an armchair]'' Fret not. You're talking to a girl with many years of pluck and groom experience. ''[She sits in the armchair]'' :''[Flora starts to apply the beauty booster to Stella's face]'' :'''Musa''': ''[offscreen]'' So Miss Solaria, what's the first thing you would do if you were crowned Miss Magix. ''[She starts to curl Stella's hair]'' :'''Stella''': Help underprivileged Princesses... :''[There is a scream from outside. The girls rush out to the hallway]'' :'''Beauty Contest Contestant''': ''[in a high pitched voice, crying]'' But I'll never win now! :'''Girl''': You still have your looks. :'''Bloom''': What happened to your voice?! :''[The contestant starts crying]'' :'''Girl''': She tried to cast a spell. :'''Beauty Contest Contestant''': ''[in a high pitched voice]'' But I got it wrong! But I said "voice" instead of "choice", or all. Maybe it's not that bad! :'''Stella''': Aww, that's awful! :''[Bloom groans. The contestant runs off, crying again.]'' :'''Stella''': I didn't mean that, I'm really sorry! Awww. Maybe the judges won't notice. It's really not that bad! :'''Beauty Contest Contestant''': ''[runs into the Trix, in a high pitched voice]'' Excuse me. :'''Icy''': I thought rooster's only crowed in the morning! :''[The Trix laugh. The contestant starts to bawl. Bloom looks around the corner and sees them.]'' :'''Bloom''': Hmph! What are they doing here?! <hr width70%> :''(In Cinélume dub)'' :'''Stella''': Did you hear the audience's reaction when number 10 came out?! I'll never win! :'''Bloom''': Stella, it's only a game! :'''Stella''': Yeah, but where's the fun if I don't win? :''[Lucy comes walking off the stage]'' :'''Bloom''': Hey, congratulations. They like you a lot. ''[Lucy ignores her and keeps walking]'' What a strange reaction. There's something going on here. :'''Stella''': The contestants must also be polite and show some class! Oops! <hr width70%> :''(In 4Kids dub)'' :'''Stella''': Miss Popularis wasn't on the list I requested. Something's off! :'''Bloom''': Maybe she signed up late. :'''Stella''': Did you see how much the crowd loved her? :''[Miss Popularis (Lucy) exits the stage and walks past them]'' :'''Bloom''': Hey, are you having a nice time? ''[Miss Popularis (Lucy) keeps walking without responding]'' Woah, she can't be from Popularis. They're all friendly. Something's definitely off! ===A Great Secret Revealed (Cinélume)/Meant to Be (4Kids)=== :'''Musa''': What's with all the gloom, Bloom? <hr width50%> :'''Mitzi''': How dare she interrupt my regular scheduled programming! <hr width70%> : '''Musa:''' Your Earth parents sound really cool. : '''Bloom:''' that's just it- my Earth parents. : '''Stella:''' This new info's got you thinking about your birth parents, huh? : '''Bloom:''' That's right, Stella. I'm probably not even from Earth. : '''Tecna:''' So then what you doing in a fire in Gardenia? : '''Bloom:''' That's what I'd like to know, Tecna. I'm just so confused. Where did I come from? What realm and what part of the universe? : '''Flora:''' You may never find the answers. : '''Bloom:''' Would that stop you from looking? : '''Flora:''' I guess not. : '''Bloom:''' I have to find out about my origins. ===Bloom's Dark Secret (Cinélume)/The Witch Trap (4Kids)=== :'''Bloom:''' ''[furious]'' ''I told you to leave her alone!!'' :(''Unleashes a strong fiery wave of Dragon Fire energy that knocks the Trix away'') <hr width70%> :'''Stella:''' Bloom, your power rocks. ===Honor above All (Cinélume)/Pushing the Envelope (4Kids)=== :'''Faragonda:''' The last witch coven, Sparx, and now Daphne. It doesn't seem possible. <hr width70%> : '''Faragonda:''' If the voice belongs to the Daphne of Dragon Fire legend, than it's possible you might be more than you are. <hr width70%> : '''Faragonda:''' According legend, when the kingdom of Sparx was destroyed, Daphne became the guardian of the mystical Dragon Fire. <hr width70%> :'''Daphne:''' Bloom. I have been waiting for you. :'''Bloom:''' Daphne. :'''Daphne:''' I have something for you. It came from the palace, from the kingdom of Sparx. :'''Bloom:''' A crown? :'''Daphne:''' The Ember Tiara. The Dragon Fire has not sopped burning. It still exists within- <hr width70%> ===Cold Spell (Cinélume)/The Nightmare Monster (4Kids)=== :'''Mirta:''' They're after Bloom's power. They sent that nightmare monster to drain everyone else's magic, so they can get to her. <hr width70%> :'''Flora:''' Tecna, make a shield! :'''Tecna:''' I'm trying! I don't have enough magic. <hr width70%> :'''Icy:''' ''Pixies on Ice.'' Coming soon to a stadium near you! :'''Bloom:''' I'll get you, Icy!! :'''Icy:''' NOW!! :(''Icy, Darcy and Stormy restrain Bloom in a green aura'') :'''Bloom:''' Oh no!! :'''Icy:''' Got her! She's all ours! <hr width70%> :'''Icy:''' Struggle all you want, Bloom. You're not going anywhere. You have something that we want! :'''Bloom:''' I don't know what you're talking about!! :'''Icy:''' You really don't, do you? ===Secrets Within Secrets (Cinélume)/Royal Heartbreak (4Kids)=== * Bloom learns that "Brandon" is, in reality, Prince Sky of Eraklyon. *A fairy named Diaspro, who is the fiancee of Sky, debuts. <hr width70%> ===The Font of Dragon Fire (Cinélume)/Senior Witches Go to Earth (4Kids)=== * Bloom learns she is the last survivor of the long-dead world of Sparx (Domino) and is, in fact, royalty. <hr width70%> :'''Flora''': She said no. :'''Stella''':Well,what does 'no' mean, really? :'''Musa''': What are you saying? :'''Tecna''': Don't answer that. <hr width70%> :'''Mitzi''': Bloom! We have Show & Tell tomorrow at school. Can I bring you? I was gonna bring my scooter but you'd be better. :'''Bloom''': Don't expect me to dignify that with an answer. <hr width70%> :'''Bloom''': I have ''plenty'' of "friends", Mitzi! :'''Mitzi''': Imaginary [[friend]]s don't count. :'''Bloom''': Whatever! <hr width70%> :'''Icy''': You weren't likely to mess up and let the ultimate power fall into the hands of witches, were you? 'Cuase that's happening. Besides, the Dragon Fire should be ours. Our coven earns the right to have it. They spent centuries tracking its last remaining pieces. And when they finally located it on Sparx, they put a spell on the whole planet, freezing it, turning it into a sea of ice. The ultimate power was within their grasp. But the guardian of the Fire tricked them--that nymph hid the Dragon Fire inside the heir to the kingdom's throne: Inside you, Bloom. :'''Bloom''': You're saying that I'm the heir to the throne of Sparx? That I'm a princess? : '''Icy:''' Yeah, but once you lose the Flame you'll just a figurehead. Ready, ladies? All right! Let's finish what our coven started. : '''Stormy:''' Let's get the Dragon Fire! : '''Bloom:''' No. I won't let you get it. : '''Darcy:''' It's not up to you. <hr width70%> :'''Darcy:''' Look at her. She's so weak. :'''Icy:''' If I could feel sorry for her, I would. An entirely powerless fate awaits her; a whole magic-less existence. :'''The Trix:''' ''"Crystals of Wisperia, dark magic from our kin :''[Reach inside this girl and steal her powers from within]'' <hr width70%> :'''Knut:''' What's up? :'''Icy:''' What's up is that the Fire is ours. Let's get back to Cloud Tower. <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' The witches' trapped me. They took my power. According to them, it's actually the Dragon Fire. ===The Fall of Magix (Cinélume)/The Army of Decay (4Kids)=== :'''Bloom''': I was thinking of quitting Alfea. I didn't feel like I belonged. Then I went back home and I found out who I really am and where I come from, and now I kind of wish I hadn't. I'm a member of the royal family of Sparx, and that's cool, but I am the last one left. And apparently, I'm the keeper of a power called the Dragon Fire, and Daphne, you know, the nymph who's been calling for me in my [[dream]]s and stuff, she gave it to me. :'''Faragonda''': Yes, I suspected as much, Bloom. :'''Bloom''': You knew something about this? Then why didn't say anything to me?! :'''Faragonda''': I wanted to, Bloom, but I've always believe that [[truth]] should come to us, only when we are ready to hear it. :'''Bloom''': Maybe, but I wasn't ready to hear it, especially not from those three witches! :'''Faragonda''': What three witches? What are you talking about? :'''Bloom''': Icy, Darcy, and Stormy followed me to Gardenia. They're the ones who told me everything! They attacked me and... and then they took the Dragon Fire! They said they're going to use it to summon some magical army or something! :'''Griselda''': Not the Army of Decay! :'''Bloom''': That's it. What's does mean? :'''Faragonda''': It means we are all in very grave danger. <hr width70%> :''[after taking over Cloud Tower]'' :'''Icy''': Griffin, you and your students have just earned yourselves a nice vacation in the damp snake and rat-infested dungeons of Cloud Tower. What, you're not happy? How ungrateful. :'''Griffin''': You wretch! :'''Cloud Tower Professor''': If you think you'll get away with this, you're wrong! :'''Icy''': Oh yeah, we all saw how you can stop us. It was very impressive. <hr width70%> :'''Riven''': What's going on here? Since when does Griffin let you use her office? :'''Darcy''': Since we took it from her. :'''Riven''': What do you mean? I don't know what you've done, but I really don't like what's going on around here. :'''Stormy''': Oh Riven, you're still in the dark, aren't you? ''[cuts him with her nail]'' But rest assured, you were fundamental to our success. We couldn't have done it without your help. :'''Icy''': You spying skills made all the difference in our power struggle with the Fairies. :'''Riven''': No! You've tricked me! Curses on you! You snakes! <hr width=70%/> :'''Icy''': Witches of Cloud Tower, welcome to our little pep rally! As your newly self-appointed student body presidents on planning on making some major changes around here and I'm not talking about things like putting soda machines in the cafeteria, ladies. We're gonna take over the whole realm of Magix! :'''Griffin''': ''No!'' :'''Cloud Tower Professor''': We won't let you do this, Icy! :'''Icy''': You have no say because you're be spending a nice long sabbatical in the dungeons of Cloud Tower. : '''Griffin:''' You won't get away with this, Icy! : '''Icy:''' Oh yes we will, Miss headmistress 'casue we got the Dragon Fire. : '''Griffin:''' Oh no! : '''Stormy:''' That's right. The most powerful force in all the known realms. : '''Darcy:''' And we're gonna use it to summon the army of Decay. : '''Griffin:''' No! Not that! You can't do this, Icy! The army of Decay is too powerful! Once unleashed, it will completely destroy everything in its path! : '''Icy:''' Just watch me! === Mission to Domino (Cinélume)/Sparks of Hope (4kids)=== :'''Icy''': ''[over hologram to Faragonda and Saladin] ''Time to face the facts, Professors: : You don't stand a chance against us. If you want your precious schools spared from total destruction, you must follow these conditions- First, lay down your arms and surrender. Second, all of you have to stand up in front of your students and say "Icy rules, Icy's the greatest." And then you've gotta swear allegiance to us! If you ''don't'' do that we're gonna wipe your schools right off the face of the realm. You've got five hours to decide. ''[hologram goes off]'' :'''Faragonda''': ''[to Saladin]'' If those witches think we're just going to hand our schools over to them they're crazier than I thought! <hr width70%> :'''Icy''': Ooh, we're scared now Professor Saladin. You've managed to draft a mindless ogre and a duck. <hr width70%> :'''Palladium''': Before we can send you, we have to suit you up in the appropriate attire. You see, the weather on Sparx is quite brutal, so I'm afraid open-toe shoes and exposed midriffs simply will not do. :'''Griselda''': If I had my way, this would be the year-round dress code. :'''Faragonda''': Oh, Griselda. <hr width70%> :'''Flora''': Just find your warm inner place and keep walking. :'''Stella''': You find your warm inner place, Flora. Me, I'll get an extra blanket. <hr width70%> :'''Flora''': I can't take it anymore. :'''Musa''': What happened to your warm, inner place? :'''Flora''': It froze. <hr width70%> :''[After destroying Red Fountain]'' :'''Darcy''': Weren't we just [[great]]. We totally sent them flying. :'''Stormy''': We rule. :'''Icy''': Ah, but we're not done yet, Sisters. The best is yet to come. ===The Crown of Dreams (Cinélume)/The Frozen Palace (4Kids)=== :''[Daphne, Nymph of Magix, makes her actual appearance, though still as a transparent ghost]'' <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' This so weird. I remember this place. This was...my home. <hr width=70%/> : '''Daphne:''' Welcome, Bloom. I have been waiting for you. : '''Bloom:''' Daphne. : '''Stella:''' That's a great outfit. : '''Daphne:''' Please follow me. : '''Bloom:''' She's the one from my dreams. : '''Stella:''' Maybe she's like your [[w:Fairy Godmother|fairy godmother]] or something. <hr width70%> : '''Daphne:''' Bloom, I know the Dragon Fire was stolen. But you must know, the Dragon Fire is not here on Sparx. : '''Bloom:''' It's not? : '''Daphne:''' No. <hr width70%> :'''Bloom:''' A crown? :'''Daphne''': Pick it up. It will show you your story. When you were born, Sparx was still filled with pure magic, but then the Coven launched a sneak attack. They took over the entire planet and destroyed everything. What was once the most magical place in the universe became lifeless. The King called on me to save you and to guard the Dragon Fire. I took you and the Flame, and I brought you to the last place anyone would look for a magical creature: I delivered you to Earth. It was the place where your destiny was waiting, a destiny that would nurture and care for you, and that would prepare you to one day return to Sparx to reclaim your throne. : '''Bloom''' (''tearful'')''':''' I just can't believe it. I messed everything up. : '''Daphne:''' Bloom, it's not your fault. You did what you could. : '''Bloom:''' Yeah? : '''Musa:''' Yeah. : '''Bloom:''' But all of this happened so I could protect the Dragon Fire. It was my responsibility and I so failed. Tell me what to do, Daphne. I'll do anything! I'll do whatever it takes to get the Dragon Fire back from the witches.' : '''Daphne:''' You will get the Dragon Fire back. It belongs to you. It is your destiny. Look for it and you'll find it. :(''Vanishes in sparkly light'') :'''Bloom:''' But, wait! Where am I supposed to look? <hr width70%> :'''Stella''': Off topic, but what about all the fabulous jewelry? :'''Musa''': I think Stella's got her eye on a necklace or two. :'''Bloom''': OK, after I reclaim the throne you can take your pick. <hr width="50%" /> :'''Bloom''': Thanks. :'''Tecna''': Oh, don't mention it, just a little technical support. <hr width="50%" /> :'''Flora''': That's so nice, and romantic. :'''Stella''': Hold your horses, Miss Cheery, no one said he's off the hook yet. ===Storming Cloudtower (Cinélume)/Mission to Cloud Tower (4Kids)=== ===Power Play (Cinélume)/The Search for the Flame (4Kids)=== :'''Bloom:''' The Dragon Fire. It's behind those doors. :'''Sky:''' How do you know? :'''Bloom:''' I can sense its presence. <hr width70%> :'''Stormy:''' What is she doing? :'''Darcy:''' It looks like some kind of advanced. :'''Griffin:''' What I'm doing is putting you in dentition!! And if you talk, pass notes or chew gum, the detention barrier will double in strength. <hr width70%> ===The Witches' Siege (Cinélume)/Battle for Alfea (4Kids)=== :'''Stella:''' You gotta be kidding! There's, like, thousands of 'em! <hr width70%> ===The Ultimate Challenge (Cinélume)/The Great Witch Invasion (4Kids)=== :''[With the aid and guidance of Daphne, Bloom regains her full fairy powers as the rightful Keeper of the ancient and almighty Dragon Fire]'' <hr width80%> :'''Flora''': I'm so glad to see you! :'''Mirta''': And I'm glad to have legs and arms again! <hr width="50%" /> :'''Daphne''': You haven't lost your [[power]]s, Bloom. Look over there. :'''Bloom''': That's my parent's house. I mean... my adopted parent's house. :'''Daphne''': Yes, you were brought up on Earth by two caring and understanding people, who loved you well enough to let you go when the time came. :'''Bloom''': And I let them down. Same at Alfea, I didn't meet anyone's expectations. I don't belong anywhere. :'''Daphne''': Bloom, you still are who you were and your past will forever belong to you, just like your powers. No one can take that away from you. :'''Bloom''': So what happened to me then? :'''Daphne''': Nothing that doesn't happen to us all. You had doubts, you were afraid. You came to believe that, what you loved most dearly, could be taken away from you. But the truth is, no one in the whole universe could ever steal your past, your [[dream]]s, or your magic powers. The witches do not own them. They are yours to keep, forever. Bloom, to recover your powers, look deep inside yourself. your journey has ended, Bloom. You have arrived. <hr width70%> :'''Bloom''': Who I am. I am Bloom! I am a princess! I'm the keeper of the Dragon Fire. And no one can take that away from me! :''(Emerges from the lake in full Winx/Fairy form)'' <hr width70%> :'''Icy''': You ladies want to hear something funny? The quiz in last month's Teen Witch said "What would you do if you got to take over the whole universe? :'''Darcy''': What did you put? :'''Icy''': I wrote "You'll find out soon enough, loser," and sent it in. <hr width="50%" /> :'''Codatorta''': ''[after beating Saladin in a game]'' What's the matter? Ya giving up? :'''Saladin''': I am surrendering, but only the round, not the whole match. <hr width="50%" /> :'''Bloom''': Hey there, tentacle mouth, back away from the prince! <hr width="50%" /> :'''Bloom''': Sorry I'm late, are you okay? :'''Sky''': Yeah, but if you hadn't come along, I'd be worm food. :'''Bloom''': C'mon, that's not [[true]]. :'''Sky''': So, what was that about "nobody messes with my boyfriend"? Did I hear you right? :'''Bloom''': I just needed something to shout, like trash talking in the heat of battle kinda thing. :'''Sky''': Oh yeah, I figured that's what it was. :'''Bloom''': No big deal, just got... carried away in the moment. :'''Sky''': Right. So your powers are back. :'''Bloom''': They never left me. I just hope I didn't realize that too late. :'''Sky''': Better late than never. <hr width="50%" /> :'''Stormy''': I know we're traveling in grand style, but I gotta ask... are we there yet? :'''Darcy''': You're kidding, Stormy. You're actually going to start witching now? :'''Icy''': You don't like your throne, I suggest you hop down and walk. Otherwise, stay focused. :'''Darcy''': I agree with you, Icy, but, uh, do you have any ballpark sense of how much longer this is going to be? :'''Icy''': ''[annoyed]'' Fifteen minutes or so. Now pay attention, all right? <hr width=70%/> :'''Flora:''': Aha! Gotcha! :'''Icy''': Whaaat?! :'''Flora:'''''Triple Blossom''. ''(shoots to Icy)'' :'''Delta Driver''': EXCEED CHARGE! :'''Icy:'''NEVER!!!! :'''Flora:''' ''Palm Strike''. :'''Stormy:''' Gaaaaah! <hr width80%> :'''Bloom:''' I am Bloom. I am a princess. I am the Keeper of the Dragon Fire. And ''no one'' can take that away from me!! <hr width="50%" /> :'''Faragonda''': Do you hear that, Griffin? :'''Griffin''': I do. They're here. ===The Witches' Downfall (Cinélume)/Fire and Ice (4Kids)=== * This the Season One finale. <hr width70%> :'''Flora''': ''[after blowing Stormy and Darcy away]'' Still think this is pathetic, Stormy? <hr width80%> :'''Bloom''': That's not the Dragon Fire! ''This'' is the Dragon Fire! <hr width80%> : '''Icy:''' They destroyed your precious little planet! And I'll destroy you!! I'm glad we got more Dragon Fire, Bloom. 'Cause that means there's more for me to take! : '''Bloom:''' You're not taking anything! The Dragon Fire's mine!! <hr width=70%/> : '''Icy:''' And the winner is...Was there ever any doubt? Enjoy the rest of your frozen frigid life! ''No!!'' : '''Bloom:''' ''You're done!'' :(''Furiously unleashes the full strength of the almighty Dragon Fire'') <hr width80%> :'''Faragonda''': Are you sure you don't want to stay for prom? :'''Griffin''': We don't do prom, we crash prom. So enjoy it. This will be the one year we don't try to ruin it. <hr width80%> :'''Stella''': Let's toast to non-royalty [[people]] too. We can not forget about them, 'cause, you know, they can be pretty cute. <hr width80%> :'''Flora:''' Hey, guys, we're going to be sophomores this year. And you what that means: Sophomore-year is even more exiting than the first year. ==Cast== ===Cinélume=== *Helena Evangeliou as Bloom *Jennifer Seguin as Stella *Holly Gauthier-Frankel as Flora *Sarah McCullough as Musa and Stormy *Lezlie Karls as Tecna *Eleanor Noble as Icy *Carrie Finley as Darcy *Danny Brochu as Sky *Mark Hauser as Brandon *Michael Yarmush as Timmy *Mitchell Rothpan as Riven *Susan Glover as Grizelda *Jodie Resther as Daphne === 4Kids === *Liza Jacquline as Bloom *Caren Manuel as Stella and Darcy *Lisa Adams as Stella (stand-in) *Kerry Williams as Flora and Francine *Lisa Ortiz as Musa, Icy, Mitzi, and Matlin *Dani Schaffel as Tecna *Suzy Myers as Stormy *Dan Green as Sky, Miss Magix Host and Domino's Crown *Greg Abbey as Brandon *Michael Sinterniklaas as Riven *Sebastian Arcelus as Timmy and Palladium *Pete Zarustica as Kiko and Wizgiz * Rachael Lillis as Faragonda, Barbatea, DuFour, Amaryl, Ortensia, Priscilla, Lucy, Ediltrude * Carol Jacobanis as Griffin * Michael Alston as Saladin * Marc Thompson as Knut * Erica Schroeder as Daphne * Su Meredith as Griselda * Kayzie Rogers as Vanessa * Stuart Zagnit as Mike * Veronica Taylor as Alice, Diaspro, and Zarathustra * Amy Palant as Mirta [[Category:Winx Club seasons]] 8lrnzzpj61nhoah7y0d2ho7s4wqpc2w 3779013 3778986 2025-07-15T02:57:56Z 2601:84:C903:B4E0:CCD7:7A38:B89E:B671 /* Cast */ 3779013 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Seasons:''' [[Winx Club (season 1)|1]] [[Winx Club (season 2)|2]] [[Winx Club (season 3)|3]] [[Winx Club (season 4)|4]] [[Winx Club (season 5)|5]] [[Winx Club (season 6)|6]] [[Winx Club (season 7)|7]] | [[Winx Club|Main]] ---- '''''[[w:Winx Club|Winx Club]]''''' is an animated television series created by [[w:Iginio Straffi|Iginio Straffi]] and animated by [[w:Rainbow (company)|Rainbow SpA]], in co-production with [[w:Nickelodeon|Nickelodeon]] (Seasons 5 and 6) and [[w:Rai Fiction|Rai Fiction]]. ===An Unexecpted Event (Cinélume)/It Feels Like Magic (4Kids)=== '''Vanessa''': Wake up sleepyhead, the sun's been up for ages! <br> '''Bloom''':''[Still in bed]'' Just 5 more minutes Mom! <br> '''Vanessa''': You're late Bloom. <br> '''Bloom''': School? Oh no! ''[running around, doing mostly everything at once]'' Why didn't you wake me up before? Oh, the alarm didn't go off! Oh no! I can't believe this! ''[suddenly realizing something]'' Hang on, school's out! The alarm didn't go off because I'm on vacation, oh mom! Your joke is NOT funny! <hr width="50%" /> '''Mike''':''[reading newspaper, to Bloom]'' Good Morning Sunshine! <br> '''Bloom''': I'm not going to spend my summer working in a shop! I wish I could go somewhere fun, with my friends! <br> '''Mike''':When you're older you can go wherever you want. <br> '''Bloom''': How old is older? I'm already 16, Dad! <br> '''Mike''': Only 16! You are still my little [[girl]]! ===Welcome to Magix! (Cinélume)/More Than High School (4Kids)=== *Musa, Tecna and Flora (Fairies of Music, Technology and Nature) transform into their regular Winx/Fairy forms for the first time. <hr width80%> :'''Flora's Plant''': Whaoow! That hurt! :'''Bloom''': Wow. I'm sorry. :'''Flora''': He's my latest creation :'''Bloom''': He talks? :'''Flora''': He's cute, isn't he? My theory is that if more plants talked, deforestation would be dramatically reduced. It's worth trying. If it just saves one tree... Hi, I'm Flora. ''[knocks over plant]'' Oopsie. :'''Plant''': Can't a plant get a break around here? Oahhh. :'''Flora''': Sorry, honey. :'''Bloom''': Anyway, I'm Bloom. :'''Stella''': ''[clears throat, and whispers]'' Uhh, Bloom. :'''Bloom''': Oh! Uhh... What I meant to say is Bloom's a name I like a lot, but it's not my name. Actually, my real name is... ''[backs up and reads what is written by the door]'' Varanda of...of... Valisto. Yup. That's me. :'''Tecna''': Valisto. Fourth world of Magix upper realm. Well known for its renowned artists and tradition. It's beaches are very popular with tourists. :'''Bloom''': Right. That's where I'm from. :'''Tecna''' Cool. My name's Tecna. :'''Stella''': Hey Tecna! I'm Stella. But I'm also...the princess of Solairia :'''Tecna''': You are quite infamous. :'''Musa''': That's the word on the street. Yo. If you plan to blow up more stuff, let us know ahead so we can bounce. :''[Bloom, Tecna and Flora giggle]'' :'''Stella''': It was in the name of fashion. I don't regret it. :'''Tecna''': I'm curious. Were you actually able to create this new shade of pink? :'''Stella''': No! But when I do, it's going to be the official color of Solaria! <hr width=80%> : ''(All five Winx Club girls transformed into their standard Winx/Fairy forms)'' : '''Tecna:''' ''Static Sphere!'' : '''Musa:''' ''Sonic Blast!'' : '''Flora:''' ''Golden Pollen!'' <hr width=80%> : '''Icy:''' Alright you little firsties! You are history! Now it's gong to get piercing cold! : '''Tecna:''' Everybody get behind me! ''Firewall.'' <hr width=80%> :'''Stella''': It's okay. You could have survived at least another 15 minutes in that ice. You know, considering your from Earth and all, you did an outstandingly splendid, Bloom. You are so brave! :'''Musa, Flora, and Tecna''': Stella! :'''Stella''': Uh... :'''Flora''': Why did you just call her Bloom and say that she's from planet Earth?! :'''Stella''': Uh, right. There might be some tiny minor details we need to fill you in on. I'll give you the whole scoop on the way back to Alfea. <hr width=80%> : '''Bloom:''' My name is Bloom and I come from Earth. : '''Griselda:''' From Earth as in planet Earth? How can that be possible? : '''Bloom:''' But please, don't send me back home. This is the most amazing place ever. <hr width=80%> : '''Faragonda:''' I thought there were no more magical beings left on Earth. : '''Griselda:''' Me neither. I thought they all died centuries ago. : '''Faragonda:''' Well then, who is Bloom? ===Alfea College for Fairies (Cinélume)/Save the First Dance (4Kids)=== :''[Bloom achieves her standard Winx/Fairy form for the very first time, further developing and magnifying her inherent magical powers as a fairy]'' <hr width80%> :'''Icy:''' You pathetic Earth girl. How'd you even get into this school? You don't have any Winx at all. : '''Bloom:''' You're wrong! I ''do'' have Winx! : '''Icy:''' No. I don't think so. : '''Bloom:''' I'll show you! I do have Winx! I know it!! : (''Taps into her innate magical powers and transforms into her regular Winx/Fairy form'') <hr width80%> : (''After transforming into her standard Winx/Fairy form for the first time'') :'''Bloom:''' Cool! I knew I could do it! Now let's see what you're made of! : '''Icy:''' Aw, isn't that so cute? You got your fairy wings. Too bad your little outfit can't do your fighting for you. <hr width=80%> :'''Bloom''': I can handle this. Come on, focus! Just focus, Bloom. I got! Now you better hand over Stella's ring or you'll have to face my wrath! : '''Icy:''' Hey, get a load of that 'tude :'''Darcy''':I know. A couple of wings and she thinks she's all that. <hr width=80%> : '''Icy:''' We're gonna teach you a lesson! ''Frozen Prism.'' : '''Stormy:''' ''Arctic Blast.'' : '''Icy:''' All right, let's wrap this up with my personal favorite. ''Ice Coffin.'' We got the ring and Earth girl is history. We're done here. ===The Black-Mud Swamp (Cinélume)/The Voice of Nature (4Kids)=== :'''Flora''': That tree turned to stone. :'''Stella''': Turned to stone? Talk about being statuesque! <hr width70%> :'''Bloom''': Maybe the voice of [[nature]] can give us a clue. :'''Flora''': That's right, the voice of nature! :'''Tecna''': What do you mean "voice"? I can't hear a thing. ===Date with Disaster=== : (''After transforming into her Winx/Fairy form'') : '''Tecna:''' ''Firewall Shield.'' : '''Musa:''' You go, Tecna! <hr width=80%> : '''Bloom:''' Guys, that's not Stella. You know who calls us pixies. Are you Icy or Darcy!!? : '''Evil Stella:''' And the slowest horse crosses the finish line! Congratulations. Here's your prize. : (''Transforms into her true form, Darcy'') : '''Bloom:''' What have you witches' done with Stella!!? : '''Icy:''' She's right here! <hr width=80%> : '''Bloom:''' Everybody stop! Okay, the wings are coming off! : (''Turns back to normal'') : '''Flora:''' Bloom? : '''Bloom:''' We can't risk Stella's safety. You guys win this time. ===Mission at Cloudtower (Cinélume)/Secret Guardian (4Kids)=== : '''Daphne:''' Bloom. Listen to me, Bloom. I can save you. : '''Bloom:''' What? : '''Daphne:''' You have to trust me. I want you to follow my voice. You know my voice. Think back in time, Bloom. Way back. Remember? I used to watch over you. : '''Bloom:''' Oh. : '''Daphne:''' This way, Bloom. Follow me. <hr width70%> : '''Tecna:''' Bloom, what happened to you back there? : '''Bloom:''' Well, I heard this voice. It told me to follow it. This might totally bananas, but I knew I could trust the voice. : '''Stella:''' Bananas got us out. So I guess you were right to listen to it. ===Friends in Need (Cinélume)/Grounded (4Kids)=== :'''Darcy:''' A real witch would let such an offense go unpunished. :'''Icy:''' And neither shall we, my dear Darcy. Since the power of the Dragon's not in the Solaria Ring, we'll go find the true source of power, and then use it to destroy their entire school. <hr width70%> :'''Darcy:''' Shall we go? :'''Icy:''' Because of those twits!? I want the Dragon Fire power, and I'll burn in the flames of before I let a handful of pixies get in my way! :'''Stormy:''' Me, too. Once we get, we're so gonna rule, they'll be naming entire realms after the three of us. :'''Icy:''' So let's conjure the Wisperian Crystal. They'll find the source of the Dragon Fire, and lead us straight to it. <hr width70%> :'''Icy:''' It's like the power keeps moving. <hr width70%> :'''Icy:''' Interesting. The Wisperian Crystals are responding strongly. That means the Dragon Fire is in this room. But I don't see anything, so we'll just trash the place until we find it!! :'''Bloom:''' You're not trashing anything!! Turn on the lights, Riven. <hr width70%> :'''Faragonda:''' The Dragon Fire power is just a myth. Or is it? Well, the Witches' said it was right here in this room, but I know it's not in the Solaria Ring. Is it possible they're right? And if they are, how did it get here? And who's got it? <hr width70%> ===A Friendship Sundered (Cinélume)/The Day of the Rose (4Kids)=== :''(In Cinélume dub)'' :'''Bloom''': I'll be cheering for you, Brandon! :'''Sky''': Hey, Riven. Who's cheering for you? Stella's cheering for me, Bloom's cheering for Brandon. But you don't have any one. :'''Riven''': I can have any girl I want! Wanna bet? :'''Brandon''': What kind of bet? :'''Riven''': My kind of bet! If I win the race, I get to pick one of your fairy friends to be my escort for the ball this evening. :'''Brandon''': ''[turns away]'' This is stupid! :'''Riven''': Oh, is it? Well, in this case, I'll choose... Uh, Bloom. Is that a deal? :''[Stella goes wide]'' :'''Bloom''': ''[disbelief]'' What?! ''[She steps in front of Riven, clearly irritated]'' Maybe you should ask me first! :'''Riven''': Yeah. But- :'''Bloom''': No "but". Who do you think you are? Just so you know, I choose who I go out with! ''[Riven's expression becomes severe]'' And I wouldn't go out with you if you were the last guy on Earth! ''[Riven growls in anger]'' You're just a ridiculous, arrogant, pathetic windbag! ''[The other three cannot hide their shock. Brandon frowns]'' Go ahead, win the race but I'm warning you - don't you come near me! ''[She crosses her arms and angrily pouts. Riven grabs a hold of Bloom's chin and turns it towards his, getting close to her face]'' :'''Riven''': Tch. Oh? Do you really mean what you just said? I think deep down, you like me. :''[Brandon goes wide out, and becomes furious out of pure jealousy. Clutching his fist and scowling. Bloom quickly knocks Riven's hand off of her]'' :'''Bloom''': Hey! Hands off! Don't be cheeky with me, Riven! You should show people a little more respect! ''[She levitates a flower pot over Riven's head and dumping water all over him. Everyone laughs]'' :'''Brandon''': Oops! :'''Bloom''': Uh... I didn't mean to, Riven I'm sorry! :'''Riven''': Go away! :'''Brandon''': Be Calm, Riven! :'''Riven''': Screw you, Brandon! Piss off, all of you! ''[He runs away]'' :'''Stella''': Hey, he had it coming! :'''Riven''': ''[He is walking around the festival, while people stare at him]'' Fudge, fudge, fudge! Girls, huh! Who needs them? I sure don't. I don't need anybody! ''[He leans against the store front and looks at himself in the reflected glass]'' I don't need this stupid party! <hr width70%> :''(In 4Kids dub)'' :'''Bloom''': I’ll be rooting for you Brandon. :'''Sky (Brandon)''': So who’s gonna be rooting for you, Riven? Bloom’s rooting for Brandon, Stella’s rooting for me, where’s your cheerleader? :'''Riven''': I don’t need one, dude, unlike you. :'''Brandon (Sky)''': Relax, Riven! :'''Riven''': Trust me, if I actually wanted one of these Alfea pixies, I could have my pick of the whole litter, and both of you know it. :'''Bloom and Stella''': Huh? :'''Brandon (Sky)''': This is dumb. :'''Riven''': In fact, a certain someone’s been giving me the eye. Isn’t that right, Bloom? :''[Stella gasps]'' :'''Bloom''': ''[very shocked]'' What?! The only ‘I’, I’d give you is "I don’t think so". ''[She walks up to him]'' :'''Riven''': ''[unconvinced]'' Right. :'''Bloom''': ''[to Riven, furiously]'' What is with you? Hey I think I know who I like, and trust me, I don’t go for the whole jerk thing. I still can’t figure out why Musa’s got a crush on you. ''[Riven starts to get mad]'' You’re a totally conceited, totally cocky, totally boring '''''waste of good oxygen!''''' ''[Stella, Sky and Brandon all looked shocked at her outburst and worried for Riven’s reaction]'' I’m sorry, but guys like you give guy’s a bad name, Riven. ''[She looks away]'' :'''Riven''': You are really cute when you’re angry, you know that? ''[He touches Bloom's chin and leans in closer. Brandon (Sky) gets annoyed]'' I dig girls who play hard to get. :'''Brandon (Sky)''': Augh. :'''Bloom''': ''[Her hand balls into a fist before pushing Riven away]'' Eugh! Don’t you touch me. ''[She draws her magic to her fingertips]'' You know what I think you need to just cool down, Riven. ''[She summons a nearby pot of flowers and tips the water from it over Riven’s head. Brandon (Sky) gasps. The water soaks into Riven’s shirt and pants. Stella gasps and laughs]'' :'''Sky (Brandon)''': Looks like someone wet their pants. :''[Stella, Bloom, Brandon and Sky laugh]'' :'''Bloom''': Still think I’m cute when I’m angry? :'''Riven''': ''He is really mad]'' I am so gonna make you pay for that, Bloom. :'''Bloom''': ''[She gasps, startled by the intense anger in Riven’s voice., worried]'' We were just kidding, weren’t we? Riven, I thought... ''[She tries to touch Riven’s shoulder but he brushes her off]'' :'''Riven''': Get away! :'''Brandon (Sky)''': Come on, Riven, she...''[He also tries to console Riven but is brushed off]'' :'''Riven''': Hands off, Brandon. I’m getting out of here. ''[He runs off leaving the others confused]'' :'''Stella''': Please. He had it coming. <hr width70%> :'''Musa:''' I lost my mom when I was kid, so today's kind of a bittersweet day. And my dad's out of town at that hip hop tour of his. ===Betrayed! (Cinélume)/Spelled (4Kids)=== *The Trix sisters discover the current possessor of the ancient, almighty Dragon Fire power- Bloom. <hr width70%> :'''Flora:''' It's so wired. It's like her Winx is activating. :'''Stella:''' Activating in her sleep? Whoa. Did you see her outfit change? I wish I could do that in my sleep. :'''Flora:''' When this happens to magical beings, it means her powers are evolving. <hr width70%> :'''Bloom:''' I've definitely seen that face before. I remember where I saw her! She's one of the nymphs on the walls Town Hall. <hr width70%> :'''Bloom:''' Now I know her name- Daphne. <hr width70%> :''(In Cinélume dub)'' :'''Icy''': Well, well, look who's here. ''[She and Stormy have sneaked up behind Musa]'' :'''Stormy''': Why, it's one of the little fairies? :'''Musa''': Please, not today, okay. I don't feel... ''[As she tries to leave but Icy blocks her way]'' :'''Icy''': Not so fast. Where do you think you're going? :'''Musa''': ''[She walks around her]'' Back to Alfea. :'''Icy''': ''[offscreen]'' No, you're not. ''[She grabs Musa's wrist]'' :'''Musa''': Huh? :'''Icy''': First, we want to know, why were you spying on our friend, Darcy? :'''Musa''': ''[She pulls her wrist free]'' I wasn't spying on anyone! Especially not Darcy! ''[She tries to walk away again but Stormy blocks her way]'' :'''Stormy''': Trust Icy to recognize a spy when she sees one. :'''Icy''': I bet you were watching Riven. You've got a crush on him, don't you? :'''Musa''': Leave me alone! :'''Icy''': ''[offscreen]'' Silly girl! You know, the other day Riven said that he thinks nothing of you! :'''Stormy''': Ha! :''[Musa continues to cry]'' :'''Icy''': ''[offscreen]'' Absolutely nothing. ''[Musa raise her hand to slaps Icy. The commotion is heard by the witches insides]'' Ouch! ''[Musa gasps in horror]'' She slapped me! She slapped me in the face! :'''Stormy''': Woah, I can even see the prints of her fingers. Does it hurt? :'''Icy''': Of course it hurts, dummy! :'''Musa''': I'm so sorry, Icy, I didn't mean to hurt you! :'''Icy''': You! You are going to pay for this! ''[She clicks at a nearby witch]'' Hey you! Fetch the others. We need to teach this little Winx a lesson she won't soon forget. :''[The witch goes inside]'' :'''Stormy''': What do you want to do? :'''Musa''': Yeah, what's wrong with you Icy? You need backup to fight me? :'''Icy''': I don't want to fight, sweetie. I just want to give your facial attributes a little magic treatment. <hr width70%> :''(In 4Kids dub)'' :'''Icy''': No wonder it reeks of loser, look who's here. ''[She and Stormy appear behind Musa]'' :'''Stormy''': Why, it's the one with the pigtails. :'''Musa''': ''[scoffs]'' Bug off, perm-head. Go back to your...''[She tries to leave but Icy blocks her way]'' :'''Icy''': Not so fast. Where do you think you're going? :'''Musa''': ''[She walks around her and tries to walk away]'' Back to civilization. :'''Icy''': No, you're not. ''[She grabs Musa's wrist]'' Not until you explain what you're doing in our territory. :'''Musa''': ''[She pulls her wrist free]'' Don't make me laugh! I go wherever I want! ''[She tries to leave again but Stormy blocks her way]'' :'''Stormy''': You don't come onto Cloud Tower turf and if you do, you don't get to leave. :'''Icy''': That's right, at least not until we're done with you. :'''Musa''': You don't want to get into it with me, witch! :'''Icy''': ''[offscreen]'' You're not in the Harmonic Realm now, little princess, and your daddy and his hip hop palace guards aren't here to protect you. :'''Musa''': ''[offscreen, The witches inside the cafe notice the ruckus]'' Complexion smear, wart adhere! ''[She casts a spell causing a wart to appear on Icy's face, shocked]'' It worked! :'''Icy''': How dare you!? My flawless face! :'''Stormy''': Woah, that has to be the single most disgusting wart ever! :'''Icy''': Nobody asked you! :'''Musa''': I warned you. I told you to leave me alone. :'''Icy''': Goodbye wart, gross and gory, return my beauty to its glory. ''[She casts a spell and the wart disappears]'' All gone. Now what should I do to this pig-tailed pixie to teach her to show some respect. :'''Stormy''': Let's mess her up! :'''Musa''': Yeah, yeah, you're good a trash talking. Why don't you show me what you got? :'''Icy''': I will! The entire Cloud Tower senior class is here and I'm gonna make an example out of you. <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' It was the same voice that led us out of Cloud Tower. I'm sure of it. <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' Musa! Move!! : '''Stormy:''' You can't help your friend! She's finished! : '''Bloom:''' No, she isn't! ''Get out of my way!!'' <hr width70%> : '''Stormy:''' Icy, check your crystal. : '''Icy:''' Whisperia! Show me! Show the Dragon power! It's ''her''! <hr width70%> : '''Sky:''' You had an insane amount of power. Do you realize this? : '''Bloom:''' All I really remember is getting super mad. : '''Tecna:''' Well, I believe that Bloom's power has evolved to a completely higher level. <hr width70%> : '''Stormy:''' I almost broke a nail out there. : '''Darcy:''' I can't believe we were defeated by a freshman. I hope it doesn't ruin our rep. : '''Icy:''' It doesn't matter. Not even one bit. We know who has the Dragon power. : '''Stormy:''' We are so gonna rule. : '''Icy:''' We'll rule everything and everybody. ===Bloom Tested (Cinélume)/Magical Reality Check (4Kids)=== : '''Icy:''' The Dragon Fire will be ours. : '''Stormy:''' But she has to unleash it so we can capture it, right? So, what if she doesn't use the Dragon Fire? : '''Darcy:''' She will as long as we make her really mad. : '''Stormy:''' If can do a simple thing like that...We don't deserve to be called witches. <hr width70%> : '''Faragonda:''' Oh no, the chamber. It picked Sparx. <hr width70%> : '''Icy:''' Bunny burgers anyone? : '''Bloom:''' STOP!! : '''Icy:''' It's all your fault. : '''Stormy:''' You did let it happen. : '''Darcy:''' That's right. : '''Icy:''' It's a shame. Bunny was so cute. : '''Bloom:''' ''I'M GOING TO GET YOU FOR THAT!!'' <hr width70%> : '''Icy:''' Now! Move girls! : '''Stormy:''' This is it! : '''Icy:''' The crystals are working. Yes! Yes! Yes!! The power is ours! NO!! : '''Stormy:''' It got away!? : '''Icy:''' The Dragon Fire is meant to be ours and we'll get it, no matter what it takes!! ===The Monster and the Willow (Cinélume)/Junior League (4Kids)=== :'''Tecna:''' And now for a light source. ''Digilluminator.'' <hr width70%> :'''Tecna:''' Bloom, you have to help me. We're going to need all the Winx we can muster. ===Miss Magix=== :''(In Cinélume dub)'' :'''Stella''': ''[She shows off an outfit]'' How about this? :'''Bloom''': Stella, you have to wear the same outfit as everybody else. :'''Tecna''': That's the rule. :'''Flora''': ''[She and Musa enter the dressing room]'' Stella! We've brought everything you need to win. :'''Musa''': Starting with soft and relaxing music to allow the face muscles to loosen up. ''[She uses her music on the CD player which starts to play]'' :'''Flora''': And then it's oil of arrabattola and leaves of Ranco-ficus. :'''Stella''': Whatever means of torture you deem appropriate, as long as I become the new Miss Magix. :'''Flora''': You will have the smoothest skin in the whole dimension. :'''Musa''': And your hair will be like gold silk. :'''Stella''': Oh, the things I must bear. :''[Someone starts to cry and the girls go investigate]'' :'''Beauty Contest Contestant''': ''[tearfully]'' What am I going to do now? :'''Girl''': I'm sure we'll find a solution. :'''Bloom''': ''[She walks up to the contestant and her friend]'' What's happened? That's so terrible. :'''Girl''': A catastrophe. :'''Beauty Contest Contestant''': ''[tearfully]'' Look what happened to my hair. Normally it's straight. I was just walking down the hall when poof, my whole head of hair puffed up just like that! ''[The contestant starts crying again. Bloom touches the her hair which bounces, making her cry harder. Stella gasps]'' :'''Stella''': What is that?! :''[Bloom winces. The contestant cries even harder and runs off. She encounters Icy, Darcy and Stormy in the hallway]'' :'''Darcy''': Nice hair. :'''Icy''': Congratulations. ''[She, Darcy and Stormy laugh meanly and the contestant starts to bawl. Bloom watches from around the corner]'' :'''Bloom''': The usual suspects. <hr width70%> :''(In 4Kids dub)'' :'''Stella''': ''[She models an outfit of a short purple skirt, and a pink and green crop top for Bloom and Tecna]'' You like this? :'''Bloom''': Yeah, it's really cute. Perfect for the fitness competition. :'''Flora''': ''[She and Musa enter the dressing Stella]'' Stella! :'''Stella''': What do you have there? :'''Flora''': A fresh botanical beauty booster. :'''Musa''': And an out of this realm tune. It's so hot it'll make your eyelashes curl. ''[She makes the radio play a song]'' :'''Flora''': This will maximise your natural beauty but it might sting a little. :'''Stella''': ''[She conjures up an armchair]'' Fret not. You're talking to a girl with many years of pluck and groom experience. ''[She sits in the armchair]'' :''[Flora starts to apply the beauty booster to Stella's face]'' :'''Musa''': ''[offscreen]'' So Miss Solaria, what's the first thing you would do if you were crowned Miss Magix. ''[She starts to curl Stella's hair]'' :'''Stella''': Help underprivileged Princesses... :''[There is a scream from outside. The girls rush out to the hallway]'' :'''Beauty Contest Contestant''': ''[in a high pitched voice, crying]'' But I'll never win now! :'''Girl''': You still have your looks. :'''Bloom''': What happened to your voice?! :''[The contestant starts crying]'' :'''Girl''': She tried to cast a spell. :'''Beauty Contest Contestant''': ''[in a high pitched voice]'' But I got it wrong! But I said "voice" instead of "choice", or all. Maybe it's not that bad! :'''Stella''': Aww, that's awful! :''[Bloom groans. The contestant runs off, crying again.]'' :'''Stella''': I didn't mean that, I'm really sorry! Awww. Maybe the judges won't notice. It's really not that bad! :'''Beauty Contest Contestant''': ''[runs into the Trix, in a high pitched voice]'' Excuse me. :'''Icy''': I thought rooster's only crowed in the morning! :''[The Trix laugh. The contestant starts to bawl. Bloom looks around the corner and sees them.]'' :'''Bloom''': Hmph! What are they doing here?! <hr width70%> :''(In Cinélume dub)'' :'''Stella''': Did you hear the audience's reaction when number 10 came out?! I'll never win! :'''Bloom''': Stella, it's only a game! :'''Stella''': Yeah, but where's the fun if I don't win? :''[Lucy comes walking off the stage]'' :'''Bloom''': Hey, congratulations. They like you a lot. ''[Lucy ignores her and keeps walking]'' What a strange reaction. There's something going on here. :'''Stella''': The contestants must also be polite and show some class! Oops! <hr width70%> :''(In 4Kids dub)'' :'''Stella''': Miss Popularis wasn't on the list I requested. Something's off! :'''Bloom''': Maybe she signed up late. :'''Stella''': Did you see how much the crowd loved her? :''[Miss Popularis (Lucy) exits the stage and walks past them]'' :'''Bloom''': Hey, are you having a nice time? ''[Miss Popularis (Lucy) keeps walking without responding]'' Woah, she can't be from Popularis. They're all friendly. Something's definitely off! ===A Great Secret Revealed (Cinélume)/Meant to Be (4Kids)=== :'''Musa''': What's with all the gloom, Bloom? <hr width50%> :'''Mitzi''': How dare she interrupt my regular scheduled programming! <hr width70%> : '''Musa:''' Your Earth parents sound really cool. : '''Bloom:''' that's just it- my Earth parents. : '''Stella:''' This new info's got you thinking about your birth parents, huh? : '''Bloom:''' That's right, Stella. I'm probably not even from Earth. : '''Tecna:''' So then what you doing in a fire in Gardenia? : '''Bloom:''' That's what I'd like to know, Tecna. I'm just so confused. Where did I come from? What realm and what part of the universe? : '''Flora:''' You may never find the answers. : '''Bloom:''' Would that stop you from looking? : '''Flora:''' I guess not. : '''Bloom:''' I have to find out about my origins. ===Bloom's Dark Secret (Cinélume)/The Witch Trap (4Kids)=== :'''Bloom:''' ''[furious]'' ''I told you to leave her alone!!'' :(''Unleashes a strong fiery wave of Dragon Fire energy that knocks the Trix away'') <hr width70%> :'''Stella:''' Bloom, your power rocks. ===Honor above All (Cinélume)/Pushing the Envelope (4Kids)=== :'''Faragonda:''' The last witch coven, Sparx, and now Daphne. It doesn't seem possible. <hr width70%> : '''Faragonda:''' If the voice belongs to the Daphne of Dragon Fire legend, than it's possible you might be more than you are. <hr width70%> : '''Faragonda:''' According legend, when the kingdom of Sparx was destroyed, Daphne became the guardian of the mystical Dragon Fire. <hr width70%> :'''Daphne:''' Bloom. I have been waiting for you. :'''Bloom:''' Daphne. :'''Daphne:''' I have something for you. It came from the palace, from the kingdom of Sparx. :'''Bloom:''' A crown? :'''Daphne:''' The Ember Tiara. The Dragon Fire has not sopped burning. It still exists within- <hr width70%> ===Cold Spell (Cinélume)/The Nightmare Monster (4Kids)=== :'''Mirta:''' They're after Bloom's power. They sent that nightmare monster to drain everyone else's magic, so they can get to her. <hr width70%> :'''Flora:''' Tecna, make a shield! :'''Tecna:''' I'm trying! I don't have enough magic. <hr width70%> :'''Icy:''' ''Pixies on Ice.'' Coming soon to a stadium near you! :'''Bloom:''' I'll get you, Icy!! :'''Icy:''' NOW!! :(''Icy, Darcy and Stormy restrain Bloom in a green aura'') :'''Bloom:''' Oh no!! :'''Icy:''' Got her! She's all ours! <hr width70%> :'''Icy:''' Struggle all you want, Bloom. You're not going anywhere. You have something that we want! :'''Bloom:''' I don't know what you're talking about!! :'''Icy:''' You really don't, do you? ===Secrets Within Secrets (Cinélume)/Royal Heartbreak (4Kids)=== * Bloom learns that "Brandon" is, in reality, Prince Sky of Eraklyon. *A fairy named Diaspro, who is the fiancee of Sky, debuts. <hr width70%> ===The Font of Dragon Fire (Cinélume)/Senior Witches Go to Earth (4Kids)=== * Bloom learns she is the last survivor of the long-dead world of Sparx (Domino) and is, in fact, royalty. <hr width70%> :'''Flora''': She said no. :'''Stella''':Well,what does 'no' mean, really? :'''Musa''': What are you saying? :'''Tecna''': Don't answer that. <hr width70%> :'''Mitzi''': Bloom! We have Show & Tell tomorrow at school. Can I bring you? I was gonna bring my scooter but you'd be better. :'''Bloom''': Don't expect me to dignify that with an answer. <hr width70%> :'''Bloom''': I have ''plenty'' of "friends", Mitzi! :'''Mitzi''': Imaginary [[friend]]s don't count. :'''Bloom''': Whatever! <hr width70%> :'''Icy''': You weren't likely to mess up and let the ultimate power fall into the hands of witches, were you? 'Cuase that's happening. Besides, the Dragon Fire should be ours. Our coven earns the right to have it. They spent centuries tracking its last remaining pieces. And when they finally located it on Sparx, they put a spell on the whole planet, freezing it, turning it into a sea of ice. The ultimate power was within their grasp. But the guardian of the Fire tricked them--that nymph hid the Dragon Fire inside the heir to the kingdom's throne: Inside you, Bloom. :'''Bloom''': You're saying that I'm the heir to the throne of Sparx? That I'm a princess? : '''Icy:''' Yeah, but once you lose the Flame you'll just a figurehead. Ready, ladies? All right! Let's finish what our coven started. : '''Stormy:''' Let's get the Dragon Fire! : '''Bloom:''' No. I won't let you get it. : '''Darcy:''' It's not up to you. <hr width70%> :'''Darcy:''' Look at her. She's so weak. :'''Icy:''' If I could feel sorry for her, I would. An entirely powerless fate awaits her; a whole magic-less existence. :'''The Trix:''' ''"Crystals of Wisperia, dark magic from our kin :''[Reach inside this girl and steal her powers from within]'' <hr width70%> :'''Knut:''' What's up? :'''Icy:''' What's up is that the Fire is ours. Let's get back to Cloud Tower. <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' The witches' trapped me. They took my power. According to them, it's actually the Dragon Fire. ===The Fall of Magix (Cinélume)/The Army of Decay (4Kids)=== :'''Bloom''': I was thinking of quitting Alfea. I didn't feel like I belonged. Then I went back home and I found out who I really am and where I come from, and now I kind of wish I hadn't. I'm a member of the royal family of Sparx, and that's cool, but I am the last one left. And apparently, I'm the keeper of a power called the Dragon Fire, and Daphne, you know, the nymph who's been calling for me in my [[dream]]s and stuff, she gave it to me. :'''Faragonda''': Yes, I suspected as much, Bloom. :'''Bloom''': You knew something about this? Then why didn't say anything to me?! :'''Faragonda''': I wanted to, Bloom, but I've always believe that [[truth]] should come to us, only when we are ready to hear it. :'''Bloom''': Maybe, but I wasn't ready to hear it, especially not from those three witches! :'''Faragonda''': What three witches? What are you talking about? :'''Bloom''': Icy, Darcy, and Stormy followed me to Gardenia. They're the ones who told me everything! They attacked me and... and then they took the Dragon Fire! They said they're going to use it to summon some magical army or something! :'''Griselda''': Not the Army of Decay! :'''Bloom''': That's it. What's does mean? :'''Faragonda''': It means we are all in very grave danger. <hr width70%> :''[after taking over Cloud Tower]'' :'''Icy''': Griffin, you and your students have just earned yourselves a nice vacation in the damp snake and rat-infested dungeons of Cloud Tower. What, you're not happy? How ungrateful. :'''Griffin''': You wretch! :'''Cloud Tower Professor''': If you think you'll get away with this, you're wrong! :'''Icy''': Oh yeah, we all saw how you can stop us. It was very impressive. <hr width70%> :'''Riven''': What's going on here? Since when does Griffin let you use her office? :'''Darcy''': Since we took it from her. :'''Riven''': What do you mean? I don't know what you've done, but I really don't like what's going on around here. :'''Stormy''': Oh Riven, you're still in the dark, aren't you? ''[cuts him with her nail]'' But rest assured, you were fundamental to our success. We couldn't have done it without your help. :'''Icy''': You spying skills made all the difference in our power struggle with the Fairies. :'''Riven''': No! You've tricked me! Curses on you! You snakes! <hr width=70%/> :'''Icy''': Witches of Cloud Tower, welcome to our little pep rally! As your newly self-appointed student body presidents on planning on making some major changes around here and I'm not talking about things like putting soda machines in the cafeteria, ladies. We're gonna take over the whole realm of Magix! :'''Griffin''': ''No!'' :'''Cloud Tower Professor''': We won't let you do this, Icy! :'''Icy''': You have no say because you're be spending a nice long sabbatical in the dungeons of Cloud Tower. : '''Griffin:''' You won't get away with this, Icy! : '''Icy:''' Oh yes we will, Miss headmistress 'casue we got the Dragon Fire. : '''Griffin:''' Oh no! : '''Stormy:''' That's right. The most powerful force in all the known realms. : '''Darcy:''' And we're gonna use it to summon the army of Decay. : '''Griffin:''' No! Not that! You can't do this, Icy! The army of Decay is too powerful! Once unleashed, it will completely destroy everything in its path! : '''Icy:''' Just watch me! === Mission to Domino (Cinélume)/Sparks of Hope (4kids)=== :'''Icy''': ''[over hologram to Faragonda and Saladin] ''Time to face the facts, Professors: : You don't stand a chance against us. If you want your precious schools spared from total destruction, you must follow these conditions- First, lay down your arms and surrender. Second, all of you have to stand up in front of your students and say "Icy rules, Icy's the greatest." And then you've gotta swear allegiance to us! If you ''don't'' do that we're gonna wipe your schools right off the face of the realm. You've got five hours to decide. ''[hologram goes off]'' :'''Faragonda''': ''[to Saladin]'' If those witches think we're just going to hand our schools over to them they're crazier than I thought! <hr width70%> :'''Icy''': Ooh, we're scared now Professor Saladin. You've managed to draft a mindless ogre and a duck. <hr width70%> :'''Palladium''': Before we can send you, we have to suit you up in the appropriate attire. You see, the weather on Sparx is quite brutal, so I'm afraid open-toe shoes and exposed midriffs simply will not do. :'''Griselda''': If I had my way, this would be the year-round dress code. :'''Faragonda''': Oh, Griselda. <hr width70%> :'''Flora''': Just find your warm inner place and keep walking. :'''Stella''': You find your warm inner place, Flora. Me, I'll get an extra blanket. <hr width70%> :'''Flora''': I can't take it anymore. :'''Musa''': What happened to your warm, inner place? :'''Flora''': It froze. <hr width70%> :''[After destroying Red Fountain]'' :'''Darcy''': Weren't we just [[great]]. We totally sent them flying. :'''Stormy''': We rule. :'''Icy''': Ah, but we're not done yet, Sisters. The best is yet to come. ===The Crown of Dreams (Cinélume)/The Frozen Palace (4Kids)=== :''[Daphne, Nymph of Magix, makes her actual appearance, though still as a transparent ghost]'' <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' This so weird. I remember this place. This was...my home. <hr width=70%/> : '''Daphne:''' Welcome, Bloom. I have been waiting for you. : '''Bloom:''' Daphne. : '''Stella:''' That's a great outfit. : '''Daphne:''' Please follow me. : '''Bloom:''' She's the one from my dreams. : '''Stella:''' Maybe she's like your [[w:Fairy Godmother|fairy godmother]] or something. <hr width70%> : '''Daphne:''' Bloom, I know the Dragon Fire was stolen. But you must know, the Dragon Fire is not here on Sparx. : '''Bloom:''' It's not? : '''Daphne:''' No. <hr width70%> :'''Bloom:''' A crown? :'''Daphne''': Pick it up. It will show you your story. When you were born, Sparx was still filled with pure magic, but then the Coven launched a sneak attack. They took over the entire planet and destroyed everything. What was once the most magical place in the universe became lifeless. The King called on me to save you and to guard the Dragon Fire. I took you and the Flame, and I brought you to the last place anyone would look for a magical creature: I delivered you to Earth. It was the place where your destiny was waiting, a destiny that would nurture and care for you, and that would prepare you to one day return to Sparx to reclaim your throne. : '''Bloom''' (''tearful'')''':''' I just can't believe it. I messed everything up. : '''Daphne:''' Bloom, it's not your fault. You did what you could. : '''Bloom:''' Yeah? : '''Musa:''' Yeah. : '''Bloom:''' But all of this happened so I could protect the Dragon Fire. It was my responsibility and I so failed. Tell me what to do, Daphne. I'll do anything! I'll do whatever it takes to get the Dragon Fire back from the witches.' : '''Daphne:''' You will get the Dragon Fire back. It belongs to you. It is your destiny. Look for it and you'll find it. :(''Vanishes in sparkly light'') :'''Bloom:''' But, wait! Where am I supposed to look? <hr width70%> :'''Stella''': Off topic, but what about all the fabulous jewelry? :'''Musa''': I think Stella's got her eye on a necklace or two. :'''Bloom''': OK, after I reclaim the throne you can take your pick. <hr width="50%" /> :'''Bloom''': Thanks. :'''Tecna''': Oh, don't mention it, just a little technical support. <hr width="50%" /> :'''Flora''': That's so nice, and romantic. :'''Stella''': Hold your horses, Miss Cheery, no one said he's off the hook yet. ===Storming Cloudtower (Cinélume)/Mission to Cloud Tower (4Kids)=== ===Power Play (Cinélume)/The Search for the Flame (4Kids)=== :'''Bloom:''' The Dragon Fire. It's behind those doors. :'''Sky:''' How do you know? :'''Bloom:''' I can sense its presence. <hr width70%> :'''Stormy:''' What is she doing? :'''Darcy:''' It looks like some kind of advanced. :'''Griffin:''' What I'm doing is putting you in dentition!! And if you talk, pass notes or chew gum, the detention barrier will double in strength. <hr width70%> ===The Witches' Siege (Cinélume)/Battle for Alfea (4Kids)=== :'''Stella:''' You gotta be kidding! There's, like, thousands of 'em! <hr width70%> ===The Ultimate Challenge (Cinélume)/The Great Witch Invasion (4Kids)=== :''[With the aid and guidance of Daphne, Bloom regains her full fairy powers as the rightful Keeper of the ancient and almighty Dragon Fire]'' <hr width80%> :'''Flora''': I'm so glad to see you! :'''Mirta''': And I'm glad to have legs and arms again! <hr width="50%" /> :'''Daphne''': You haven't lost your [[power]]s, Bloom. Look over there. :'''Bloom''': That's my parent's house. I mean... my adopted parent's house. :'''Daphne''': Yes, you were brought up on Earth by two caring and understanding people, who loved you well enough to let you go when the time came. :'''Bloom''': And I let them down. Same at Alfea, I didn't meet anyone's expectations. I don't belong anywhere. :'''Daphne''': Bloom, you still are who you were and your past will forever belong to you, just like your powers. No one can take that away from you. :'''Bloom''': So what happened to me then? :'''Daphne''': Nothing that doesn't happen to us all. You had doubts, you were afraid. You came to believe that, what you loved most dearly, could be taken away from you. But the truth is, no one in the whole universe could ever steal your past, your [[dream]]s, or your magic powers. The witches do not own them. They are yours to keep, forever. Bloom, to recover your powers, look deep inside yourself. your journey has ended, Bloom. You have arrived. <hr width70%> :'''Bloom''': Who I am. I am Bloom! I am a princess! I'm the keeper of the Dragon Fire. And no one can take that away from me! :''(Emerges from the lake in full Winx/Fairy form)'' <hr width70%> :'''Icy''': You ladies want to hear something funny? The quiz in last month's Teen Witch said "What would you do if you got to take over the whole universe? :'''Darcy''': What did you put? :'''Icy''': I wrote "You'll find out soon enough, loser," and sent it in. <hr width="50%" /> :'''Codatorta''': ''[after beating Saladin in a game]'' What's the matter? Ya giving up? :'''Saladin''': I am surrendering, but only the round, not the whole match. <hr width="50%" /> :'''Bloom''': Hey there, tentacle mouth, back away from the prince! <hr width="50%" /> :'''Bloom''': Sorry I'm late, are you okay? :'''Sky''': Yeah, but if you hadn't come along, I'd be worm food. :'''Bloom''': C'mon, that's not [[true]]. :'''Sky''': So, what was that about "nobody messes with my boyfriend"? Did I hear you right? :'''Bloom''': I just needed something to shout, like trash talking in the heat of battle kinda thing. :'''Sky''': Oh yeah, I figured that's what it was. :'''Bloom''': No big deal, just got... carried away in the moment. :'''Sky''': Right. So your powers are back. :'''Bloom''': They never left me. I just hope I didn't realize that too late. :'''Sky''': Better late than never. <hr width="50%" /> :'''Stormy''': I know we're traveling in grand style, but I gotta ask... are we there yet? :'''Darcy''': You're kidding, Stormy. You're actually going to start witching now? :'''Icy''': You don't like your throne, I suggest you hop down and walk. Otherwise, stay focused. :'''Darcy''': I agree with you, Icy, but, uh, do you have any ballpark sense of how much longer this is going to be? :'''Icy''': ''[annoyed]'' Fifteen minutes or so. Now pay attention, all right? <hr width=70%/> :'''Flora:''': Aha! Gotcha! :'''Icy''': Whaaat?! :'''Flora:'''''Triple Blossom''. ''(shoots to Icy)'' :'''Delta Driver''': EXCEED CHARGE! :'''Icy:'''NEVER!!!! :'''Flora:''' ''Palm Strike''. :'''Stormy:''' Gaaaaah! <hr width80%> :'''Bloom:''' I am Bloom. I am a princess. I am the Keeper of the Dragon Fire. And ''no one'' can take that away from me!! <hr width="50%" /> :'''Faragonda''': Do you hear that, Griffin? :'''Griffin''': I do. They're here. ===The Witches' Downfall (Cinélume)/Fire and Ice (4Kids)=== * This the Season One finale. <hr width70%> :'''Flora''': ''[after blowing Stormy and Darcy away]'' Still think this is pathetic, Stormy? <hr width80%> :'''Bloom''': That's not the Dragon Fire! ''This'' is the Dragon Fire! <hr width80%> : '''Icy:''' They destroyed your precious little planet! And I'll destroy you!! I'm glad we got more Dragon Fire, Bloom. 'Cause that means there's more for me to take! : '''Bloom:''' You're not taking anything! The Dragon Fire's mine!! <hr width=70%/> : '''Icy:''' And the winner is...Was there ever any doubt? Enjoy the rest of your frozen frigid life! ''No!!'' : '''Bloom:''' ''You're done!'' :(''Furiously unleashes the full strength of the almighty Dragon Fire'') <hr width80%> :'''Faragonda''': Are you sure you don't want to stay for prom? :'''Griffin''': We don't do prom, we crash prom. So enjoy it. This will be the one year we don't try to ruin it. <hr width80%> :'''Stella''': Let's toast to non-royalty [[people]] too. We can not forget about them, 'cause, you know, they can be pretty cute. <hr width80%> :'''Flora:''' Hey, guys, we're going to be sophomores this year. And you what that means: Sophomore-year is even more exiting than the first year. ==Cast== ===Cinélume=== *Helena Evangeliou as Bloom *Jennifer Seguin as Stella *Holly Gauthier-Frankel as Flora *Sarah McCullough as Musa and Stormy *Lezlie Karls as Tecna *Eleanor Noble as Icy *Carrie Finley as Darcy *Danny Brochu as Sky *Mark Hauser as Brandon *Michael Yarmush as Timmy *Mitchell Rothpan as Riven *Susan Glover as Griselda *Jodie Resther as Daphne === 4Kids === *Liza Jacquline as Bloom *Caren Manuel as Stella and Darcy *Lisa Adams as Stella (stand-in) *Kerry Williams as Flora and Francine *Lisa Ortiz as Musa, Icy, Mitzi, and Matlin *Dani Schaffel as Tecna *Suzy Myers as Stormy *Dan Green as Sky, Miss Magix Host and Domino's Crown *Greg Abbey as Brandon *Michael Sinterniklaas as Riven *Sebastian Arcelus as Timmy and Palladium *Pete Zarustica as Kiko and Wizgiz * Rachael Lillis as Faragonda, Barbatea, DuFour, Amaryl, Ortensia, Priscilla, Lucy, Ediltrude * Carol Jacobanis as Griffin * Michael Alston as Saladin * Marc Thompson as Knut * Erica Schroeder as Daphne * Su Meredith as Griselda * Kayzie Rogers as Vanessa * Stuart Zagnit as Mike * Veronica Taylor as Alice, Diaspro, and Zarathustra * Amy Palant as Mirta [[Category:Winx Club seasons]] tu6rra50r5qoow70owix7s2n7nfl5vj 0 213037 3779015 3663144 2025-07-15T03:04:28Z 2601:84:C903:B4E0:CCD7:7A38:B89E:B671 /* The Phoenix Revealed (Cinélume)/The Ultimate Power Couple (4Kids) */ 3779015 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Seasons:''' [[Winx Club (season 1)|1]] [[Winx Club (season 2)|2]] [[Winx Club (season 3)|3]] [[Winx Club (season 4)|4]] [[Winx Club (season 5)|5]] [[Winx Club (season 6)|6]] [[Winx Club (season 7)|7]] | [[Winx Club|Main]] ---- '''''[[w:Winx Club|Winx Club]]''''' is an animated television series created by [[w:Iginio Straffi|Iginio Straffi]] and animated by [[w:Rainbow (company)|Rainbow SpA]], in co-production with [[w:Nickelodeon|Nickelodeon]] (Seasons 5 and 6) and [[w:Rai Fiction|Rai Fiction]]. ===The Shadow Phoenix (Cinélume)/Back to School (4Kids)=== * The sixth additional to the Winx Club is Aisha/Layla, Fairy of Waves. <hr width70%> : '''Bloom''' (''narrating'')''':''' Summer was over and it was my first day back at Alfea. <hr width=70%/> :'''Lord Darkar''': Look, it's a [[w: phoenix (mythology) |bird]]! No, it's a man. No! It's Lord Darkar. <hr width=70%/> : '''Tecna:''' I have my map. I'll have it match a scan. She's a princess from the realm of Tides. : '''Bloom:''' It's a baby pixie. She's so sleepy. This is just what the psychic said- a fairy with long flowing hair and a sleepy baby pixie. : '''Musa:''' What else did she say? : '''Bloom:''' That there's gonna danger and darkness like nothing we've ever seen before. ===Up to Their Old Trix (Cinélume)/Princess of Tides (4Kids)=== :'''Musa''': ''[after Layla faints]'' Okay, she's either a little whacked or she's still need to [[sleep]]. <hr width=70%/> :'''Stella''': Have some cafeteria food! :'''Flora''': Keep it down, Stel. :'''Stella''': Why? What's the big deal? ''[Piff cries]'' What's she doing? Doesn't she want a sandwich? :'''Bloom''': Uh, Stella, Piff's not even teething yet. ===Rescue Mission (Cinélume)/Into the Under Realm (4Kids)=== :'''Bloom:''' My powers are draining. I feel weak. (''faints'') :'''Sky:''' Bloom. <hr width80%> :'''Layla:''' I'm from the realm of Tides. I can mold water molecules into any shape. :'''Sky:''' Cool. <hr width70%> ===Princess Amentia (Cinélume)/Queen of Perfection (4Kids)=== ===Magic Bonding (Cinélume)/Rescuing the Pixies (4Kids)=== :''(in Cinélume dub)'' :'''Sky''': Layla! Hurry up! :'''Layla''': Wait! It's only the pixies. At last. :'''Pixies''': Layla! :'''Layla''': Huh? Wait a minute! :'''Pixies''': ''[They fly into Layla's arms, knocking her to the ground]'' Layla! :'''Layla''': Pixies, these are my new friends: Bloom, Stella, and Sky. :'''Amore''': ''[she flies over to Stella]'' Oh, what a wonderful person. :'''Stella''': My, she's adorable. :'''Sky''': Stella's returning a compliment? What's going on here? :'''Layla''': That's the bonding, it's like love at first sight between a fairy and a pixie. Their bond will be unbreakable. :'''Amore''': I'm Amore, pixie of love. :'''Stella''': And I'm Stella, the most loved fairy. :'''Lockette''': ''[she flies over to Bloom]'' Hi, I'm Lockette, the pixie of portals. Will you protect me from now on? :''[Cut to the throne Room, Darkar is using magic to watch them]'' :'''Darkar''': Those pixies are so sweet, I'm starting to like them. ''[laughing evilly]'' :''[Cut back to the Shadowhaunt]'' :'''Bloom''': And that's how we were rescued. :'''Layla''': Speaking of rescued, how did you manage to get out of the cage? :'''Digit''': It was easy, all of a sudden the barrier was deleted. :'''Layla''': So you weren't rescued by our paladin? :'''Stella''': I'm sorry, but I'd like to remind you that while we're sitting here chatting, Brandon is probably walking down the aisle. Let's hop to it! :'''Sky''': Stella's right. Come on, girls, there's no time to lose. <hr width80%> :''(in 4Kids dub)'' :'''Sky''': Layla, come on! :'''Bloom''': Layla! :'''Layla''': It's the pixies! :'''Pixies''': ''[They towards Layla's open arms]'' Layla! ''[They crash into Layla, knocking her to the ground]'' :'''Layla''': These are my new friends, you guys, Bloom, Stella, and Sky. :'''Amore''': ''[she flies over to Stella]'' Ooh, you're so beautiful. :'''Stella''': And you're so adorable. :'''Sky''': Stella's returning a compliment? What's that about? :'''Layla''': Well, you see, a fairy and her destined pixie bond on first sight. They're like soulmates. :'''Amore''': I'm Amore, pixie of love. :'''Stella''': And I'm Stella, from Solaria. :'''Lockette''': ''[she flies over to Bloom]'' You're amazing! You've got a lot of hidden passage in your heart. I'm Lockette, the pixie of portals. :'''Digit''': You shouldn't have been able to protect that barrier. :'''Layla''': I know, something is not right here. First the barrier? Then that paladin appears out of nowhere? :'''Stella''': Hey, let's talk and walk people. This little mission isn't over yet. My beau is being forced down the aisle. We gotta save him! :'''Sky''': Stella's right. Everybody let's hurry up and get to Downland. Brandon needs us. ===Runaway Groom (Cinélume)/My Boyfriend's Wedding (4Kids)=== :'''Stella:''' Meanwhile, my boo is being forced down the aisle! ===The Mysterious Stone (Cinélume)/The Dark Tower (4Kids)=== :''(In Cinélume dub)'' :''[Bloom and Flora hug, Stella and Musa hug, and Layla is reunited with Piff]'' :'''Layla''': Piff! :'''Livvy''': ''[narrating]'' As you can imagine, all eyes were on us pixies, and three of us bonded on the spot. Tecna and Digit had met in a chatroom a while back and were overdo for an actual face-to-face meeting. ''[Tecna and Digit are bond together]'' And a big hug! ''[Musa and Tune are bond together]'' Tune and Musa discovered a common sense of style. :'''Tune''': Wow, those headphones are quite, umm, unique. :'''Musa''': Well, it's my hair actually. :'''Livvy''': ''[narrating]'' And Chatta wasted no time telling Flora all her secrets. :'''Chatta''': What's your boyfriend's name? Tell me. :'''Flora''': I told you I don't have one. :'''Chatta''': You don't have one? You must have two. Hey, don't be shy, come on, details. Is he tall? Dark? Buff? Smart? Friendly? :''[Kiko jumps around at Bloom's feet trying to get her attention but she is talking to Lockette and Glim]'' :'''Bloom''': Welcome to Alfea, pixies. Come on, let's go in and get you guys something to eat. ''[She walks away without noticing Kiko, and he sad]'' :'''Sky''': Kiko, first time a girl dumps you? ''[Kiko pushes him away]'' Okay, okay. Alright. :'''Livvy''': ''[narrating]'' Faragonda was very happy to see the fairies back at Alfea, safe and sound. However, the following morning she summoned the Winx to her office to discuss a most serious matter. <hr width80%> :''(in 4Kids dub)'' :''[Stella, Bloom, and Layla laugh and run over to them]'' :'''Bloom''': Hey! ''[She and Flora hug. Stella and Musa hug]'' :'''Musa''': Stella! :''[Layla reunites with Piff]'' :'''Bloom''': Oh, hey, these are the pixies, you guys. :'''Tecna''': How fascinating. Is that actual pixidium? Oh, my, how adorable! ''[she and Digit bond]'' :'''Layla''': Tecna, this is Digit. :''[Musa and Tune bond]'' :'''Tune''': My name is Tune, I am the pixies of manners. I love your hairstyle, it's so, umm, unique. :'''Musa''': Thanks, it's like my signature. :'''Chatta''': ''[she and Flora bond]'' So, you're name is Flora. Do you have a boyfriend? I bet you do. What's his name? Is he a big time cutie? :'''Flora''': I'm sort of flying solo. :'''Chatta''': Don't worry, we're gonna get you one before the semester's up. Wanna hear about our adventure? I was so brave! I fought this gigantic snake! :''[Kiko jumps around at Bloom's feet, but she is too busy talking to Lockette and Glim to notice]'' :'''Bloom''': Let's go inside, you guys, and I'll give you a tour of the school, okay? :'''Lockette''': We wanna see your room. :'''Bloom''': Okay, but I have to warn you, it's probably a mess. At least it was when I left, what with Flora's vines and my laundry. ''[She walks away without noticing Kiko and he is disappointed]'' :'''Sky''': Look, Kiko, if you want a girl's attention, you gotta play it real cool. ''[Kiko pushes him away]'' Alright, take it easy. Just trying to give you a little man to man advice. But fine, do things your way. <hr width80%> :'''Stella:''' I can't believe Bloom's still out there blasting that thing. :'''Musa:''' You know how she gets when she's determined. <hr width80%> :''(in Cinélume dub)'' :'''Faragonda''': Let me introduce a leading expert from the famous Malequoi Academy. He'll be joining our faculty at my special request. Professor Avalon. :'''Flora''': He makes me feel a teeny bit nervous. :'''Stella''': Is this guy hot or what? Can't keep my eyes off him. :'''Tecna''': Well, I wonder what his specialty is. :'''Faragonda''': Professor, would you please destroy that stone. :'''Avalon''': ''Lapis Studay Etpheremay Tatframga Etconimunum''. ''[He uses a spell on the stone and it fractures into a pile or rubble. The students gasp]'' :'''Bloom''': How did he do that? :'''Avalon''': What you've just witnessed is a technical incantation. Until now, you've been casting spells spontaneously, following your instincts. Those are the skills you perfected last year. This is a whole new level of difficulty. :'''Flora''': Technical magic? What's different about it? :'''Faragonda''': These spells require cognitive analysis and accurate pronunciation. That's the subject of Professor Avalon's class. :'''Tecna''': Ah, a question, please, Headmistress. How did you determine which technical spell would destroy the unidentified stone? :'''Faragonda''': Easy. I created the stone. I wanted to make absolutely sure that you would not underestimate the importance of your new classes. :'''Chatta''': That does it! First, they obsess about a stupid stone, and now it's the new professor. I can't believe our fairies have already forgotten about us. What do you say, we ask them to come flying with us over the lake? :'''Lockette''': Alright! :'''Faragonda''': Everybody, class dismissed! But if you have questions, I'm sure Professor Avalon will be happy to answer them. :'''Bloom''': I have one, Professor. :'''Flora''': Oh, yes, me too. :'''Stella''': Professor Avalon. :''[The students cluster around Avalon]'' :'''Avalon''': Ask whatever you wish, I am here for you. :'''Tecna''': Professor, may I ask a technical question? :'''Avalon''': Go ahead. :'''Tecna''': What would be the ration of random... :''[Chatta and Lockette are forced out by the clustering the students]'' :'''Lockette''': ''[cried]'' I'm so sad, Bloom didn't even notice me! :''[Kiko walks to Lockette and goes to tried to comfort her, but stick his tongue out at her instead. He runs away from Lockette and she starts crying loudly. Chatta is getting mad]'' :'''Amaryl''': What does cognitive analysis mean precisely? :'''Avalon''': Let me answer your question by... :'''Bloom''': ''[internally]'' Cognitive analysis, I wonder if this new professor could help me find out more about my birth parents. :'''Musa''': What was that language you used? It has a fascinating sound. :'''Flora''': Is your subject very difficult? :'''Bloom''': Professor Avalon, would you have time to help me with some personal research? :'''Avalon''': I'll be in my office this afternoon. Come see me. :'''Bloom''': I'll be there. :'''Flora''': But Bloom, we were supposed to hang out today. :'''Bloom''': Sorry, I can't. :'''Chatta''': Ahem, Flora. :'''Flora''': What? :''[Chatta sticks her tongue out]'' <hr width80%> :''(in 4Kids dub)'' :'''Faragonda''': Allow me to introduce our newest faculty member, who comes to us from the esteemed Malequoi Paladin Academy, Professor Avalon. :''[Avalon bows and the student murmur to each other]'' :'''Flora''': Why do my toes feel kind of tingly? :'''Stella''': Flora wants to know why her toes feel kind of tingly. :'''Tecna''': For the same reason yours and mine do. :'''Faragonda''': He will now destroy the Obelisk. :''[The students gasp and mutter to each other]'' :'''Avalon''': ''Lapis stugia delframe catilion''. ''[He glows yellow and uses a spell on the obelisk. It fractures and crumbles into large chunks]'' :'''Bloom''': How did you do that? :'''Avalon''': You young students have yet to discover what I call your genial power. :'''Stella''': Huh? :'''Avalon''': But once you do your winx will grow and you will be able to control magical energy, like the kind that composed those towers. :'''Flora''': So, where did the dark towers come from? :'''Stella''': Yeah? :'''Faragonda''': Professor Avalon created them so he could observe your power in action and evaluate each of your skills. :'''Tecna''': Umm, I have a question, Miss Faragonda. What's the name of the class Professor Avalon is teaching, and how many students will be asmitten- uh I mean admitted? :'''Faragonda''': Only twenty students will be allowed in. ''[The students are surprised]'' It's a master workshop, and as such will require great commitment. I've made some recommendations but Professor Avalon will make the final decisions. So, if you're interested in the class, or have any questions, speak up. :'''Bloom''': I'm interested! :'''Flora''': Me too! :''[The class gathers around Avalon all talking over each other]'' :'''Avalon''': First, let me say this class will be quite difficult. :'''Tecna''': I've never gotten anything lower than an A-minus in my life. :'''Avalon''': Is that so? :'''Amaryl''': So, this genial power, what is it? :'''Avalon''': It's the power that connects you to your family, and to your origins, so that you can best understand your magic and make the most of it. :'''Musa''': Yo, I don't get it. It's like learning to talk to your ancestors? :'''Flora''': It's about finding them in yourself. :'''Bloom''': What if you don't know a lot about your origins? Can you still learn this thing? :'''Avalon''': It might take some extra work, but the answer is yes. :'''Bloom''': Sign me up! ===Party Crasher (Cinélume)/Party Monster (4Kids)=== :''(In Cinélume dub)'' :'''Musa''': You remember where it goes ba-ba-da-dap and then the rhythm guitar comes in? :'''Layla''': Right. That's where I was gonna go like this! ''[She dances then moonwalks. She almost drops her drink and jumps out to catch it, waking Piff]'' Ta-da! ''[She and Musa laugh, and then they see Darcy in disguise]'' :'''Musa''': That's strange. That girl looks awfully familiar. :'''Layla''': What's wrong, Musa? :'''Musa''': ''[gasped]'' It's Darcy! :'''Darcy''': Curses! ''[She runs off]'' :'''Musa''': That's her. Come on, let's go! ''[She and Layla runs off, dropping her drinks while Tune stays drinking her tea]'' <hr width80%> :''(in 4Kids dub)'' :'''Musa''': When the music starts, I'll come out and say, "This one goes out to our Red Fountain peeps". :'''Layla''': That's when I'll come out and do the Tide walk. ''[She dances then moonwalks. She almost drops her drink and jumps out to catch it, waking Piff]'' Ta-da! ''[She and Musa laugh]'' :'''Darcy''': ''[In disguise, walks past]'' Eugh, gag me. :'''Musa''': Hey, that girl sounded just like somebody I know. :'''Layla''': What's her problem? :'''Musa''': Hey you! Wait a second. :'''Darcy''': Huh? Get lost! ''[She runs off]'' :'''Musa''': I think that's Darcy. Come on, let's get 'em. :''[They toss their drinks aside and run after them. Tune watches them go and sips her tea]'' ===Professor Avalon's Secret (Cinélume)/The Angel of Doom (4Kids)=== ===The Crypt of the Codex (Cinélume)/Reaching for the Sky (4Kids)=== :''[The Trix sisters manage to get the first piece of the Codex]'' :''[Bloom is revealed to possess great healing powers, courtesy of the ancient and almighty power of the Dragon Fire, the very source of the whole magical universe itself]'' <hr width80%> :'''Bloom''' (''with tears in her eyes'')''':''' Please! Don't leave me, Sky. I really do need you. :(''Draws more strength from her ever-growing, almighty Dragon Fire energies to wake Sky from his slumber'') :'''Timmy:''' You saved him, Bloom. <hr width70%> ===Race Against Time (Cinélume)/Homesick (4Kids)=== :''(In Cinélume dub)'' :'''Bloom''': Okay, a purification spell. ''[She goes over to a plant and casts a spell in another language. The plant transforms so that it has a face]'' Help! ''[The plant growls at her and she picks up the book and hits the plant with it]'' Woah. What's wrong with this book? :''[The pixies are still being held in the box, and Piff is crying]'' :'''Chatta''': This is terrible, Piff is homesick. :'''Amore''': We've gotta get her back to the village. :''[A hooded figure enters the room they're being held in]'' :'''Lockette''': What was that? :'''Digit''': Someone's here. :'''Lockette''': Oh, who is it? :'''Chatta''': Most importantly, what is he going to do to us? <hr width80%> :''(In 4Kids dub)'' :'''Bloom''': This spell will undo any previous spell. Maybe I should give it a shot. ''[She goes over to a plant and says a spell in another language. The plant transforms so it has a mouth that roars at Bloom. She grabs the spell book and hits the plant with it]'' Something's wrong with this book. :''[The pixies are still locked up in the box and Piff is crying]'' :'''Chatta''': Piff is more homesick than all of us. :'''Amore''': We've gotta get her back to the village. :''[Someone comes into the room they're being held in]'' :'''Lockette''': Someone's coming! :'''Amore''': Oh no. :'''Lockette''': This is not good. <hr width80%> :''(In Cinélume dub)'' :'''Lockette''': I'm scared! :'''Chatta''': We must be strong everyone! :''[The hooded figure starts to use magic on the box holding the pixies]'' :'''Digit''': Uh oh, here he comes! :''[One side of the box falls away and the pixies walk out]'' :'''Chatta''': Hey, he set us free. :'''Amore''': We're still in danger. :'''Digit''': Right, first thing we gotta do is get back home. :'''Lockette''': We'll be much safer there. :''[The pixies fly away]'' <hr width80%> :''(In 4Kids dub)'' :'''Lockette''': I'm scared! :'''Chatta''': Be quiet, Lockette. :''[A hooded man approaches the box and uses his magic on it]'' :'''Digit''': He's breaking in! :''[One side of the box falls off and the pixies walk out]'' :'''Lockette''': Hey! I think he's leaving. :'''Amore''': Who was it? :'''Digit''': Who cares? Let's get back to the village. :'''Lockette''': Come on everybody! :''[The pixies fly away]'' ===Win-x Together! (Cinélume)/Truth or Dare (4Kids)=== *The six Winx Club girls' learn how to use their unique fairy magic and spells in convergence. <hr width80%> === The Invisible Pixies (Cinélume)/Gangs of Gardenia (4Kids)=== :'''Stella''': I can say "Do you have this in a size four?" in ten different languages, but I'm afraid that's about it. :'''Aisha''': I wasn't even allowed to pick out my own clothes. My parents only wanted me to look one way. :'''Tune''': Prim and proper, I'm sure. :'''Aisha''': Yeah, that's it. It was such a drag. :'''Tune''': Hmph! <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' Mom, this pendant comes from Sparx. It's a symbol of my birth family. The writing says Daphne, Bloom, Oritel and Miriam. I'm gonna try and find out more what happened to them. <hr width="50%" /> :'''Vanessa''': What's Kiko playing with? There's nothing there. :'''Bloom''': Well, it's kinda hard to explain. <hr width="50%" /> :'''Aisha''': Why don't you sneak a little magic and play DJ, Musa. :'''Musa''': As long as we're not using magic on people. <hr width="50%" /> :'''Triplet 1''': I'm tellin' you, those [[girl]]s are witches or sorcerers. :'''Triplet 3''': Dude, the correct gender-specific term is sorceress. :'''Triplet 1''': That's what I just said; weren't you listenin'?! Now go get me another soda. ===Battle on Planet Eraklyon (Cinélume)/The Wrong Righters (4Kids)=== ===The Show Must Go On! (Cinélume)/Magic In My Heart (4Kids)=== :''[Musa's father debuts]'' <hr width80%> :'''Musa:''' My magic comes from the music around me. So I just figured the more singing, the more power. <hr width80%> :''(in Cinélume Dub; Special Concert Ending)'' :''We're the magical Winx Club'' :''The wonder girls'' :''That's us'' :''Yes we're best friends'' :''Our hearts beat as one'' :'''Bloom''': "Word of Winx!" :'''Musa''': "Pump up the volume!" :'''Tecna''': "Logical right!" :'''Layla''': "Energy!" :'''Flora''': "I vote for Winx!" :'''Stella''': "Beautiful things must stay together!" :'''Girls of Winx''': "Winx"! "Winx Club"! :''We're'' :''The wonderful Winx Club'' :''We fly from star to star'' :''Over mountains and seas'' :''Here we are'' :''We're'' :''The wonderful Winx Club'' :''We fly from star to star'' :''Over mountains and seas'' :''Here we are'' :''The magical Winx Club'' ===Hallowinx! (Cinélume)/The Fourth Witch (4Kids)=== :''(in Cinélume Dub)'' :'''Mitzi''': Bloom, I'm so glad you came...''[She twirls to show off her dress]'' Isn't this dress marvelous? :'''Bloom''': Ho, yeah, it's really something else! :'''Mitzi''': "Something else"? What kind of compliment is that? ''[She grabs one of the strands of her dress]'' Aren't these sparkles dazzling? I had them custom made, they cost me a fortune! ''[She begins her criticism on the girls costumes]'' Now, speaking of costumes. I find yours very disappointing, I told you to wear something elegant! This is a party, NOT a funeral! :'''Stella''': Sweetie, put on your sunglasses! :'''Mitzi''': And why should I? ''[gasps]'' :''[The Winx remove their robes and reveal their fairy forms. Mitzi is stunned speechless and the guests are impressed by their "costumes"]'' :'''Doctor Costumer''': ''[Impressed]'' Oh! Wow! :'''Nurse Costumer''': ''[grumpily]'' Hmm. ''[She elbows the doctor]'' :'''Doctor Costumer''': Ow! :'''Witch Hunter Robin Costumer''': How did you make your wings? They look so real! :'''Flora''': That's a secret. :''[A girl with a magenta hat walks over to Stella]'' :'''Female Hat Costumer''': I would so love to wear something like just once in my life! :'''Female Skeleton Costumer''': It beats series 2902, thermic-optic-camouflage! :''[Mitzi is standing aside, jealous of the Winx getting all the attention]'' :'''Blue Mask Costumer''': Would you like me to go and dim the lights a little bit? :'''Mitzi''': No, you'd just mess it up. Anyway, I've got a plan to scare 'em all right out of their half-wits. ''[cackles]'' <hr width80%> :''(in 4Kids Dub)'' :'''Mitzi''': ''[sarcastically]'' Bloom. I'm so glad that you came! ''[She twirls to show off her dress]'' Hm. You like?? :'''Bloom''': What're suppose to be exactly? :'''Mitzi''': Duh! I'm the goth supermodel from the future! Ha, I don't know what you're suppose to be but those are THE most boring costumes I've ever seen! :'''Bloom''': ''[She and Layla look down on their black long robes]'' Huh. :'''Mitzi''': Actually, I have an idea. I'd like you to stand next to me all night, 'cause those lame-o outfits will make mine look extra hot! :'''Stella''': ''[sarcastically]'' We'd be honored to stand next to you! :'''Mitzi''': Well, of course you would! ''[gasps]'' :''[The Winx reveal their fairy "costumes". Mitzi gasps loudly, shocked at how beautiful their costumes are]'' :'''The Winx''': Mm-hm. :''[The Male Party goer who spoke to Layla are amazed by their costumes. Al irritable elbows him hard]'' :'''Frankenstein Female Party goer''': I love your outfits! Where did you get them? :'''Flora''': Um... Online? :''[A female party goer consults Stella]'' :'''Female Party goer 1''': I'm the president of our school fashion club and I'd love for you to join! :'''Skeleton Female Party goer''': You've inspired me! I'm totally gonna be a fairy next Halloween! :''[Mitzi stands aside, arms folded and irritated. A female friend of hers with a blue mask approaches her]'' :'''Blue mask Friend''': Personally, I think they look tacky in those outfits. :'''Mitzi''': ''[angrily]'' Shut up! Their costumes are gorgeous but I'll still make sure their miserable before the night's over! ''[Mitzi nasally cackles]'' <hr width80%> :'''Elle''': Aren't these the girls who go to reform school? :'''Bloom''': What did you say?! :'''Elle''': Don't take offense. The [[truth]] is I would probably be in boarding school too if my [[father]] weren't rich, famous, and connected. <hr width80%> :'''Stella''': You can smell her perfume a mile away! She wears way too much fragrance, big faux pas. :'''Mitzi''': Faux pas you, loser! :'''Stella''': You know, you should thank me for telling you. <hr width80%> :'''Mitzi:''' That's gonna leave a stain. Permanently. :''(Bloom magically wipes the stain off her sparky Winx/Fairy top)'' :'''Bloom:''' Mitzi. Don't worry about it. The stain came right out. :'''Mitzi:''' Huh? ===Twinning with the Witches (Cinélume)/Exchange Students (4Kids)=== :''[the Winx are running through the halls of Cloud Tower, trying to think of a plan to stop the Trix from getting the Codex]'' :'''Musa''': Check this plan: We pretend we know where the Codex is then we go there and lay a trap and –- :'''Stella''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh great idea, Musa. ''[seriously]'' Icy isn't exactly an idiot, ya know! <hr width80%> :'''Stella:''' How are gonna stop them when they have that superpowered Gloomix thing? ===In the Heart of Cloudtower (Cinélume)/The Heart of Cloud Tower (4Kids)=== *The Winx Club fail in stopping the Trix sisters from getting the second fragment of the Codex. <hr width80%> :'''Stella:''' ''Ray of Light.'' <hr width80%> : '''Darcy:''' ''Perfect Darkness''. : '''Bloom:''' Ah! My eyes! <hr width=70%/> :'''Griffin:''' They must go back to Alfea to replenish their Winx. They must learn to work together and trust one another because Lord Darkar will be attacking Alfea next. ===The Spy in the Shadows (Cinélume)/Shadows in Bloom (4Kids)=== *Bloom sees her birth parents, King Oritel and Queen Miriam of Sparx, for first time, though in a vision. *The third piece of the Codex is taken by none other than Bloom who had been spelled by "Professor Avalon." <hr width80%> :'''Bloom:''' Oritel and Miriam. Hey, do you know who I am!? Whoa. The Dragon. <hr width80%> : '''Lord Darkar:''' It's so nice when the light finally sees the darkness. Go, my little puppet. <hr width80%> : '''Stella:''' Bloom, I'm sorry but you're asking for it! ''Solar Burst''. : '''Dark Bloom:''' Don't forget, Stella! I can fight fire with fire! <hr width80%> : '''Lockette:''' We're your friends, Bloom, and we love you. : '''Dark Bloom:''' Get away from Lockette! : '''Chatta:''' A bonded pixie's kiss can break almost any dark spell. <hr width=70%/> : '''Dark Bloom:''' Ha! You got nothing! I'm gonna enjoy wiping the floor with you guys! <hr width80%> ===Pixie Village (Cinélume)/The First Charmix (4Kids)=== *A secondary, evolved transformation for fairies' is revealed''':''' Charmix, a greater though temporary evolution of the standard Winx/Fairy form. <hr width80%> : '''Chatta:''' You got a Charmix, Bloom. Fairies get them when they get in tough with their true selves. : '''Bloom:''' It's filling me with some new kind of power. (''Everyone cheers'') <hr width80%> ===Danger in the Wildland (Cinélume)/Last Resorts (4Kids)=== *Stella earns her enhanced Charmix powers by apologizing to Layla. *Musa earns her greater Charmix powers by admitting to Riven that she really likes him. <hr width80%> : '''Stella:''' I like you Layla. I want us to be friends. Whoa. : '''Layla:''' you got your Charmix, Stella. <hr width=70%/> :'''Musa:''' Oh, and I do like you...a lot. See you around. : '''Riven:''' Huh? : '''Musa:''' Wow! I got a Charmix! ===Charmix Power (Cinélume)/Trouble in Paradise (4Kids)=== *Layla receives her enhanced Charmix abilities and spells due to strong desire to find her friends. *Tecna earns her greater Charmix powers for being honest with her feelings with Timmy, and showing it by crying tears. <hr width80%> : '''Layla:''' I miss my friends. No! I can't give up! I'll find them! Wow. I got my Charmix. <hr width70%> : '''Timmy:''' You got your Charmix, Tecna. ===The Time for Truth (Cinélume)/Darkness and Light (4Kids)=== *Bloom, Stella, Musa, Tecna and Layla receive Charmix training, with all of their stronger Charmix spells nonverbal. *Flora earns her Charmix by finally confessing her true romantic feelings to Helia. <hr width80%> : '''Griselda''' (''about the witch-goblin'')''':''' Your regular powers won't beat it. If you don't use your Charmix... : '''Bloom:''' Alright, girls! It's Charmix time! <hr width70%> : '''Flora:''' Ms. Faragonda, I not sure I can do this. I mean, I haven't even gotten my Charmix yet. : '''Faragonda:''' You're the Fairy of Nature. You can do this. Now I want you to try and save that flower. <hr width70%> : '''Flora:''' Helia! I really, really like you. : '''Helia:''' I love you, too. <hr width70%> : '''Chatta:''' You did it, Flora. : '''Flora:''' My Charmix! <hr width=70%/> : '''False Avalon:''' I found a new way to boost your powers. It's called the Empowerment Bubble. : '''Bloom:''' I'm feeling so much negative energy in here. What is this thing doing to my power? : '''False Avalon:''' It's taking all of your power and giving it me, Bloom. Isn't it marvelous? ===Darkar's Prisoner (Cinélume)/Desperately Seeking Bloom (4Kids)=== : '''False Avalon:''' What you going to do now that you got her, Darkar? Steal her power from her? : '''Lord Darkar:''' Actually, her power alone is useless to me. I need her because the Dragon Fire and the Shadow Fire must be united. It will take both parts of the Fire to enter the realm of Realix. Then we'll use her light and my darkness to take the Ultimate Power! Bloom, you're going to help take over the universe! You have no choice! <hr width=70%/> : '''Stella:''' Look, I'm in a tube-top dress, and it's ridiculously cold in here! So I'm going take care of this right! Go Charmix! (''Stella Charmix Transformation'') ''Solar Blast''. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' I am ''not'' like you! I'll never be evil! : '''Lord Darkar:''' That's what our friend over here said too. Avalon used to be a cloud spirit and now he's on my side. You will be on my side, too. : '''Bloom:''' I have a good heart! You can't turn it dark! : '''Lord Darkar:''' Cloud spirits are the purest beings. If I can convert a cloud spirit, I can change anyone. And that includes you, Bloom. <hr width=70%/> : '''Flora:''' Roots and vines, bind this creature! : '''Musa:''' ''Sonic Boost''. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' It doesn't matter what you do to me! My friends will stop you!! : '''Lord Darkar:''' You will destroy anyone who tries to stop us! So if they try, you will end up destroying them! There is nothing you can do, Bloom! Because as of right now, you belong to me! ===Face to Face with the Enemy (Cinélume)/Storming Shadowhaunt (4Kids)=== : '''Lord Darkar''' (''to Dark Bloom'')''':''' The time has come to activate the Codex, my beautiful. Hand in hand, we will seize the Ultimate Power. : '''Icy:''' My beautiful! I hate to interrupt your sweet little "together we will rule the universe" moment, but we got a little problem outside. : '''Stormy:''' The Winx girls and their boy toys have managed to fly a ship into the main cavern. : '''Darcy:''' While you're in here flirting with Bloom, they're out there turning your shadow monsters into a shooting gallery. : '''Lord Darkar:''' A minor annoyance. You three deal with it. : '''Icy:''' What about entering the realm of Realix together!? : '''Stormy:''' That's right! : '''Lord Darkar:''' Bloom and I need time to open the vortex. Go and lend all your Gloomix powers to my creatures, so they can crush the fairies. <hr width80%> : '''Darcy:''' I can't believe this! : '''Icy:''' He may need Bloom's power to open the gate to Realix! But once she does, we'll witch her up and remind Darkar who we are!! <hr width80%> :'''Darkar:''' We're almost ready, my dear Bloom. :'''Icy:''' Hey. L.D. :'''Darcy:''' You're not leaving are you? :'''Icy:''' You wouldn't leave without your main witches, would you? :'''Darkar:''' I only have one main witch now. And, no, I don't plan on leaving without her. :'''Stormy:''' What are you talking about!? :'''Darcy:''' You better not be suggesting what I think you're suggesting. :'''Icy:''' We have been running all over the realms for you, and now you're gonna ditch us for some nitwit little wannabee at the last minute? :'''Darkar:''' Bloom's my main witch now. As for you three, considers yourselves dumped. now it's just you and me, my sweet. <hr width80%> : '''Lord Darkar:''' To open the vortex, we must present light and darkness allied in together. The Codex doesn't know you turned to darkness. It only sees the light of the Dragon Fire within you. <hr width=70%/> : '''Lord Darkar:''' Yes! The gateway to Realix! When we step through there, we will be face-to-face with the Ultimate Power! And anyone who tries to follow us will have to deal with Curvok. Shall we? As they say, lightness before dark. <hr width=70%/> (''In their evolved Charmix forms'') : '''Flora:''' ''Blossom Blast''. : '''Musa:''' ''Sonic Boom''. Good one, Flo. Now let's catch up with Stella and Layla. ===The Phoenix Revealed (Cinélume)/The Ultimate Power Couple (4Kids)=== *This is the final time Charmix is used by any of the Winx Club fairies. * The only appearance of the Mega-Trix (the amalgamation of all three witch sisters) <hr width80%> : '''Lord Darkar:''' Here we are, you and me, the Ultimate Power couple. <hr width80%> :(''Stella and Layla enter Realix through the portal'') : '''Stella:''' ''Solar Burst''. : '''Layla:''' ''Ocean Blast''. Whoa. Look at Bloom. : '''Stella:''' He must have put a dark spell on her. <hr width80%> : '''Lord Darkar:''' You keep chanting, Bloom. I'll destroy them <hr width80%> : '''Layla:''' Bloom, it's us. : '''Stella:''' Darkar put a spell on you, Bloom. : '''Lord Darkar:''' You got that right. And the spell is unbreakable. : '''Stella:''' In that case, we're gonna have to make you undo it! : '''Lord Darkar:''' I'm sorry, but I think darkness suits your friend rather well. <hr width70%> :(''Layla and Stella transform into their evolved Charmix forms'') : '''Stella:''' Let's use our Charmix. Come on! ''Solar Eclipse Blast''. : '''Layla:''' ''Aquarius Current''. : '''Layla and Stella:''' Now! Together! :(''Fire concentrated beams of magical sunlight and watery energy at Darkar'') <hr width80%> :'''Stella:''' I guess we got him. :'''Layla:''' So what are gonna do about Bloom? <hr width80%> :'''Flora:''' What do we do if she actually beats him? :'''Tecna:''' If either of them gain complete control of the Ultimate Power, there will be no way to stop them. <hr width70%> : '''Lord Darkar:''' Wait for me, my dear! The power is ours! : '''Stella and Layla:''' No! : '''Lord Darkar:''' And now Bloom with hand it over to me and I will rule all the realms! <hr width=70%/> : '''Sky:''' If I can talk to her, maybe she'll listen and I can reach beyond the spell. : '''Brandon:''' Sky? :'''Lord Darkar''': What are you going to do, ask her to the prom? Sorry, she's busy! :'''Sky:''' Bloom! :'''Lord Darkar''': Give me the power now, Bloom! :'''Sky''': Wait, Bloom, try to listen to my voice. It's me- your boyfriend. :'''Dark Bloom:''' Huh? :'''Sky:''' Darkar put you under a spell. :'''Dark Bloom:''' Huh? :'''Sky:''' This is not who you are. You're not evil. You may not be able to see it now Bloom, but you have a true heart. :'''Lord Darkar''': He doesn't know anything! :'''Sky''': I know what your heart is like! I've felt it. Your heart is full of light, Bloom. Your heart is so pure and good, that it saved me. You didn't let me go and I'm not gonna let you go. So you have to fight this Bloom! You have to break free! You have to come back, because I...love you! <hr width70%> : '''Layla:''' Whoa. : '''Stella:''' How did she do it? : '''Flora:''' She used the power in her heart to fight the darkness. : '''Timmy:''' I can feel it. <hr width=70%/> : '''Lord Darkar:''' NO! ''What did you do to it!?'' : '''Bloom:''' I gave it back. The Ultimate Power is staying in Realix, where it belongs. <hr width=70%/> : '''Stella:''' It's gonna take all six of us giving it everything we have. : '''Layla:''' We'll use our Charmix. : '''Bloom:''' The power of six Charmix converging at once. <hr width80%> :(''All six Charmix fairies focus their unusually strong magic into one single attack'') :'''Winx Club:''' Winx Club, Charmix Convergence!! :'''Darkar:''' NO!! This can't happening!! NO!! NOOO!!! (''Vanishes into oblivion from the combined force of the Winx Club'') <hr width80%> :'''Icy (''Inside the Mega-Trix form''):''' That idiot fairy gave the Ultimate Power back!! ''I hate her more than ever!!'' <hr width=50%/> :''[Bloom is standing at the top of stairs and Sky goes towards her and Bloom is with Kiko]'' :'''Bloom''': Hey, Sky, I am glad you found me! We need to talk about what happened in Realix. :'''Sky''': So, you don't remember what I said to you. :'''Bloom''': Of course, I remember. What you said to me was totally sweet. :'''Sky''': So you liked what I said to you, using the L word and all? :'''Bloom''': I [[love]] you too, Sky. :''[They kiss]'' ===Cinélume=== *Helena Evangeliou as Bloom *Jennifer Seguin as Stella *Holly Gauthier-Frankel as Flora *Sarah McCullough as Musa, Stormy, Zing, Matlin *Lezlie Karls as Tecna (Episodes 1-5) *Jodie Resther as Tecna (Episode 6 onward), Daphne *Lucinda Davis as Layla, Digit *Harry Standjofski as Darkar *Eleanor Noble as Icy *Carrie Finley as Darcy *Danny Brochu as Sky *Mark Hauser as Brandon *Michael Yarmush as Timmy *Mitchell Rothpan as Riven *Martin Watier as Helia *Susan Glover as Griselda *Mary Smith as Amore === 4Kids === *Liza Jacquline as Bloom *Caren Manuel as Stella and Darcy *Lisa Adams as Stella (stand-in) *Kerry Williams as Flora, Francine, Amore *Lisa Ortiz as Musa, Icy, Digit, Mitzi, Matlin *Dani Schaffel as Tecna *Vashthy Mompoint as Layla *Jason Griffith as Darkar *Suzy Myers as Stormy *Dan Green as Sky *Greg Abbey as Brandon *Michael Sinterniklaas as Riven *Sebastian Arcelus as Timmy and Palladium *Pete Zarustica as Kiko and Wizgiz * Rachael Lillis as Faragonda, Barbatea, DuFour, Amaryl, Ortensia, Priscilla, Lucy, Ediltrude * Carol Jacobanis as Griffin * Michael Alston as Saladin * Marc Thompson as Knut, Avalon * Erica Schroeder as Daphne, Piff * Su Meredith as Griselda * Kayzie Rogers as Vanessa * Stuart Zagnit as Mike * Veronica Taylor as Alice, Diaspro, and Zarathustra * Amy Palant as Mirta * Wayne Grayson as Jared * Priscilla Everett as Amentia [[Category:Winx Club seasons]] tmrvcwx6mxchq1160tu28zv1xv4t6cx 3779026 3779015 2025-07-15T05:31:30Z 2601:84:C903:B4E0:CCD7:7A38:B89E:B671 /* Cinélume */ 3779026 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Seasons:''' [[Winx Club (season 1)|1]] [[Winx Club (season 2)|2]] [[Winx Club (season 3)|3]] [[Winx Club (season 4)|4]] [[Winx Club (season 5)|5]] [[Winx Club (season 6)|6]] [[Winx Club (season 7)|7]] | [[Winx Club|Main]] ---- '''''[[w:Winx Club|Winx Club]]''''' is an animated television series created by [[w:Iginio Straffi|Iginio Straffi]] and animated by [[w:Rainbow (company)|Rainbow SpA]], in co-production with [[w:Nickelodeon|Nickelodeon]] (Seasons 5 and 6) and [[w:Rai Fiction|Rai Fiction]]. ===The Shadow Phoenix (Cinélume)/Back to School (4Kids)=== * The sixth additional to the Winx Club is Aisha/Layla, Fairy of Waves. <hr width70%> : '''Bloom''' (''narrating'')''':''' Summer was over and it was my first day back at Alfea. <hr width=70%/> :'''Lord Darkar''': Look, it's a [[w: phoenix (mythology) |bird]]! No, it's a man. No! It's Lord Darkar. <hr width=70%/> : '''Tecna:''' I have my map. I'll have it match a scan. She's a princess from the realm of Tides. : '''Bloom:''' It's a baby pixie. She's so sleepy. This is just what the psychic said- a fairy with long flowing hair and a sleepy baby pixie. : '''Musa:''' What else did she say? : '''Bloom:''' That there's gonna danger and darkness like nothing we've ever seen before. ===Up to Their Old Trix (Cinélume)/Princess of Tides (4Kids)=== :'''Musa''': ''[after Layla faints]'' Okay, she's either a little whacked or she's still need to [[sleep]]. <hr width=70%/> :'''Stella''': Have some cafeteria food! :'''Flora''': Keep it down, Stel. :'''Stella''': Why? What's the big deal? ''[Piff cries]'' What's she doing? Doesn't she want a sandwich? :'''Bloom''': Uh, Stella, Piff's not even teething yet. ===Rescue Mission (Cinélume)/Into the Under Realm (4Kids)=== :'''Bloom:''' My powers are draining. I feel weak. (''faints'') :'''Sky:''' Bloom. <hr width80%> :'''Layla:''' I'm from the realm of Tides. I can mold water molecules into any shape. :'''Sky:''' Cool. <hr width70%> ===Princess Amentia (Cinélume)/Queen of Perfection (4Kids)=== ===Magic Bonding (Cinélume)/Rescuing the Pixies (4Kids)=== :''(in Cinélume dub)'' :'''Sky''': Layla! Hurry up! :'''Layla''': Wait! It's only the pixies. At last. :'''Pixies''': Layla! :'''Layla''': Huh? Wait a minute! :'''Pixies''': ''[They fly into Layla's arms, knocking her to the ground]'' Layla! :'''Layla''': Pixies, these are my new friends: Bloom, Stella, and Sky. :'''Amore''': ''[she flies over to Stella]'' Oh, what a wonderful person. :'''Stella''': My, she's adorable. :'''Sky''': Stella's returning a compliment? What's going on here? :'''Layla''': That's the bonding, it's like love at first sight between a fairy and a pixie. Their bond will be unbreakable. :'''Amore''': I'm Amore, pixie of love. :'''Stella''': And I'm Stella, the most loved fairy. :'''Lockette''': ''[she flies over to Bloom]'' Hi, I'm Lockette, the pixie of portals. Will you protect me from now on? :''[Cut to the throne Room, Darkar is using magic to watch them]'' :'''Darkar''': Those pixies are so sweet, I'm starting to like them. ''[laughing evilly]'' :''[Cut back to the Shadowhaunt]'' :'''Bloom''': And that's how we were rescued. :'''Layla''': Speaking of rescued, how did you manage to get out of the cage? :'''Digit''': It was easy, all of a sudden the barrier was deleted. :'''Layla''': So you weren't rescued by our paladin? :'''Stella''': I'm sorry, but I'd like to remind you that while we're sitting here chatting, Brandon is probably walking down the aisle. Let's hop to it! :'''Sky''': Stella's right. Come on, girls, there's no time to lose. <hr width80%> :''(in 4Kids dub)'' :'''Sky''': Layla, come on! :'''Bloom''': Layla! :'''Layla''': It's the pixies! :'''Pixies''': ''[They towards Layla's open arms]'' Layla! ''[They crash into Layla, knocking her to the ground]'' :'''Layla''': These are my new friends, you guys, Bloom, Stella, and Sky. :'''Amore''': ''[she flies over to Stella]'' Ooh, you're so beautiful. :'''Stella''': And you're so adorable. :'''Sky''': Stella's returning a compliment? What's that about? :'''Layla''': Well, you see, a fairy and her destined pixie bond on first sight. They're like soulmates. :'''Amore''': I'm Amore, pixie of love. :'''Stella''': And I'm Stella, from Solaria. :'''Lockette''': ''[she flies over to Bloom]'' You're amazing! You've got a lot of hidden passage in your heart. I'm Lockette, the pixie of portals. :'''Digit''': You shouldn't have been able to protect that barrier. :'''Layla''': I know, something is not right here. First the barrier? Then that paladin appears out of nowhere? :'''Stella''': Hey, let's talk and walk people. This little mission isn't over yet. My beau is being forced down the aisle. We gotta save him! :'''Sky''': Stella's right. Everybody let's hurry up and get to Downland. Brandon needs us. ===Runaway Groom (Cinélume)/My Boyfriend's Wedding (4Kids)=== :'''Stella:''' Meanwhile, my boo is being forced down the aisle! ===The Mysterious Stone (Cinélume)/The Dark Tower (4Kids)=== :''(In Cinélume dub)'' :''[Bloom and Flora hug, Stella and Musa hug, and Layla is reunited with Piff]'' :'''Layla''': Piff! :'''Livvy''': ''[narrating]'' As you can imagine, all eyes were on us pixies, and three of us bonded on the spot. Tecna and Digit had met in a chatroom a while back and were overdo for an actual face-to-face meeting. ''[Tecna and Digit are bond together]'' And a big hug! ''[Musa and Tune are bond together]'' Tune and Musa discovered a common sense of style. :'''Tune''': Wow, those headphones are quite, umm, unique. :'''Musa''': Well, it's my hair actually. :'''Livvy''': ''[narrating]'' And Chatta wasted no time telling Flora all her secrets. :'''Chatta''': What's your boyfriend's name? Tell me. :'''Flora''': I told you I don't have one. :'''Chatta''': You don't have one? You must have two. Hey, don't be shy, come on, details. Is he tall? Dark? Buff? Smart? Friendly? :''[Kiko jumps around at Bloom's feet trying to get her attention but she is talking to Lockette and Glim]'' :'''Bloom''': Welcome to Alfea, pixies. Come on, let's go in and get you guys something to eat. ''[She walks away without noticing Kiko, and he sad]'' :'''Sky''': Kiko, first time a girl dumps you? ''[Kiko pushes him away]'' Okay, okay. Alright. :'''Livvy''': ''[narrating]'' Faragonda was very happy to see the fairies back at Alfea, safe and sound. However, the following morning she summoned the Winx to her office to discuss a most serious matter. <hr width80%> :''(in 4Kids dub)'' :''[Stella, Bloom, and Layla laugh and run over to them]'' :'''Bloom''': Hey! ''[She and Flora hug. Stella and Musa hug]'' :'''Musa''': Stella! :''[Layla reunites with Piff]'' :'''Bloom''': Oh, hey, these are the pixies, you guys. :'''Tecna''': How fascinating. Is that actual pixidium? Oh, my, how adorable! ''[she and Digit bond]'' :'''Layla''': Tecna, this is Digit. :''[Musa and Tune bond]'' :'''Tune''': My name is Tune, I am the pixies of manners. I love your hairstyle, it's so, umm, unique. :'''Musa''': Thanks, it's like my signature. :'''Chatta''': ''[she and Flora bond]'' So, you're name is Flora. Do you have a boyfriend? I bet you do. What's his name? Is he a big time cutie? :'''Flora''': I'm sort of flying solo. :'''Chatta''': Don't worry, we're gonna get you one before the semester's up. Wanna hear about our adventure? I was so brave! I fought this gigantic snake! :''[Kiko jumps around at Bloom's feet, but she is too busy talking to Lockette and Glim to notice]'' :'''Bloom''': Let's go inside, you guys, and I'll give you a tour of the school, okay? :'''Lockette''': We wanna see your room. :'''Bloom''': Okay, but I have to warn you, it's probably a mess. At least it was when I left, what with Flora's vines and my laundry. ''[She walks away without noticing Kiko and he is disappointed]'' :'''Sky''': Look, Kiko, if you want a girl's attention, you gotta play it real cool. ''[Kiko pushes him away]'' Alright, take it easy. Just trying to give you a little man to man advice. But fine, do things your way. <hr width80%> :'''Stella:''' I can't believe Bloom's still out there blasting that thing. :'''Musa:''' You know how she gets when she's determined. <hr width80%> :''(in Cinélume dub)'' :'''Faragonda''': Let me introduce a leading expert from the famous Malequoi Academy. He'll be joining our faculty at my special request. Professor Avalon. :'''Flora''': He makes me feel a teeny bit nervous. :'''Stella''': Is this guy hot or what? Can't keep my eyes off him. :'''Tecna''': Well, I wonder what his specialty is. :'''Faragonda''': Professor, would you please destroy that stone. :'''Avalon''': ''Lapis Studay Etpheremay Tatframga Etconimunum''. ''[He uses a spell on the stone and it fractures into a pile or rubble. The students gasp]'' :'''Bloom''': How did he do that? :'''Avalon''': What you've just witnessed is a technical incantation. Until now, you've been casting spells spontaneously, following your instincts. Those are the skills you perfected last year. This is a whole new level of difficulty. :'''Flora''': Technical magic? What's different about it? :'''Faragonda''': These spells require cognitive analysis and accurate pronunciation. That's the subject of Professor Avalon's class. :'''Tecna''': Ah, a question, please, Headmistress. How did you determine which technical spell would destroy the unidentified stone? :'''Faragonda''': Easy. I created the stone. I wanted to make absolutely sure that you would not underestimate the importance of your new classes. :'''Chatta''': That does it! First, they obsess about a stupid stone, and now it's the new professor. I can't believe our fairies have already forgotten about us. What do you say, we ask them to come flying with us over the lake? :'''Lockette''': Alright! :'''Faragonda''': Everybody, class dismissed! But if you have questions, I'm sure Professor Avalon will be happy to answer them. :'''Bloom''': I have one, Professor. :'''Flora''': Oh, yes, me too. :'''Stella''': Professor Avalon. :''[The students cluster around Avalon]'' :'''Avalon''': Ask whatever you wish, I am here for you. :'''Tecna''': Professor, may I ask a technical question? :'''Avalon''': Go ahead. :'''Tecna''': What would be the ration of random... :''[Chatta and Lockette are forced out by the clustering the students]'' :'''Lockette''': ''[cried]'' I'm so sad, Bloom didn't even notice me! :''[Kiko walks to Lockette and goes to tried to comfort her, but stick his tongue out at her instead. He runs away from Lockette and she starts crying loudly. Chatta is getting mad]'' :'''Amaryl''': What does cognitive analysis mean precisely? :'''Avalon''': Let me answer your question by... :'''Bloom''': ''[internally]'' Cognitive analysis, I wonder if this new professor could help me find out more about my birth parents. :'''Musa''': What was that language you used? It has a fascinating sound. :'''Flora''': Is your subject very difficult? :'''Bloom''': Professor Avalon, would you have time to help me with some personal research? :'''Avalon''': I'll be in my office this afternoon. Come see me. :'''Bloom''': I'll be there. :'''Flora''': But Bloom, we were supposed to hang out today. :'''Bloom''': Sorry, I can't. :'''Chatta''': Ahem, Flora. :'''Flora''': What? :''[Chatta sticks her tongue out]'' <hr width80%> :''(in 4Kids dub)'' :'''Faragonda''': Allow me to introduce our newest faculty member, who comes to us from the esteemed Malequoi Paladin Academy, Professor Avalon. :''[Avalon bows and the student murmur to each other]'' :'''Flora''': Why do my toes feel kind of tingly? :'''Stella''': Flora wants to know why her toes feel kind of tingly. :'''Tecna''': For the same reason yours and mine do. :'''Faragonda''': He will now destroy the Obelisk. :''[The students gasp and mutter to each other]'' :'''Avalon''': ''Lapis stugia delframe catilion''. ''[He glows yellow and uses a spell on the obelisk. It fractures and crumbles into large chunks]'' :'''Bloom''': How did you do that? :'''Avalon''': You young students have yet to discover what I call your genial power. :'''Stella''': Huh? :'''Avalon''': But once you do your winx will grow and you will be able to control magical energy, like the kind that composed those towers. :'''Flora''': So, where did the dark towers come from? :'''Stella''': Yeah? :'''Faragonda''': Professor Avalon created them so he could observe your power in action and evaluate each of your skills. :'''Tecna''': Umm, I have a question, Miss Faragonda. What's the name of the class Professor Avalon is teaching, and how many students will be asmitten- uh I mean admitted? :'''Faragonda''': Only twenty students will be allowed in. ''[The students are surprised]'' It's a master workshop, and as such will require great commitment. I've made some recommendations but Professor Avalon will make the final decisions. So, if you're interested in the class, or have any questions, speak up. :'''Bloom''': I'm interested! :'''Flora''': Me too! :''[The class gathers around Avalon all talking over each other]'' :'''Avalon''': First, let me say this class will be quite difficult. :'''Tecna''': I've never gotten anything lower than an A-minus in my life. :'''Avalon''': Is that so? :'''Amaryl''': So, this genial power, what is it? :'''Avalon''': It's the power that connects you to your family, and to your origins, so that you can best understand your magic and make the most of it. :'''Musa''': Yo, I don't get it. It's like learning to talk to your ancestors? :'''Flora''': It's about finding them in yourself. :'''Bloom''': What if you don't know a lot about your origins? Can you still learn this thing? :'''Avalon''': It might take some extra work, but the answer is yes. :'''Bloom''': Sign me up! ===Party Crasher (Cinélume)/Party Monster (4Kids)=== :''(In Cinélume dub)'' :'''Musa''': You remember where it goes ba-ba-da-dap and then the rhythm guitar comes in? :'''Layla''': Right. That's where I was gonna go like this! ''[She dances then moonwalks. She almost drops her drink and jumps out to catch it, waking Piff]'' Ta-da! ''[She and Musa laugh, and then they see Darcy in disguise]'' :'''Musa''': That's strange. That girl looks awfully familiar. :'''Layla''': What's wrong, Musa? :'''Musa''': ''[gasped]'' It's Darcy! :'''Darcy''': Curses! ''[She runs off]'' :'''Musa''': That's her. Come on, let's go! ''[She and Layla runs off, dropping her drinks while Tune stays drinking her tea]'' <hr width80%> :''(in 4Kids dub)'' :'''Musa''': When the music starts, I'll come out and say, "This one goes out to our Red Fountain peeps". :'''Layla''': That's when I'll come out and do the Tide walk. ''[She dances then moonwalks. She almost drops her drink and jumps out to catch it, waking Piff]'' Ta-da! ''[She and Musa laugh]'' :'''Darcy''': ''[In disguise, walks past]'' Eugh, gag me. :'''Musa''': Hey, that girl sounded just like somebody I know. :'''Layla''': What's her problem? :'''Musa''': Hey you! Wait a second. :'''Darcy''': Huh? Get lost! ''[She runs off]'' :'''Musa''': I think that's Darcy. Come on, let's get 'em. :''[They toss their drinks aside and run after them. Tune watches them go and sips her tea]'' ===Professor Avalon's Secret (Cinélume)/The Angel of Doom (4Kids)=== ===The Crypt of the Codex (Cinélume)/Reaching for the Sky (4Kids)=== :''[The Trix sisters manage to get the first piece of the Codex]'' :''[Bloom is revealed to possess great healing powers, courtesy of the ancient and almighty power of the Dragon Fire, the very source of the whole magical universe itself]'' <hr width80%> :'''Bloom''' (''with tears in her eyes'')''':''' Please! Don't leave me, Sky. I really do need you. :(''Draws more strength from her ever-growing, almighty Dragon Fire energies to wake Sky from his slumber'') :'''Timmy:''' You saved him, Bloom. <hr width70%> ===Race Against Time (Cinélume)/Homesick (4Kids)=== :''(In Cinélume dub)'' :'''Bloom''': Okay, a purification spell. ''[She goes over to a plant and casts a spell in another language. The plant transforms so that it has a face]'' Help! ''[The plant growls at her and she picks up the book and hits the plant with it]'' Woah. What's wrong with this book? :''[The pixies are still being held in the box, and Piff is crying]'' :'''Chatta''': This is terrible, Piff is homesick. :'''Amore''': We've gotta get her back to the village. :''[A hooded figure enters the room they're being held in]'' :'''Lockette''': What was that? :'''Digit''': Someone's here. :'''Lockette''': Oh, who is it? :'''Chatta''': Most importantly, what is he going to do to us? <hr width80%> :''(In 4Kids dub)'' :'''Bloom''': This spell will undo any previous spell. Maybe I should give it a shot. ''[She goes over to a plant and says a spell in another language. The plant transforms so it has a mouth that roars at Bloom. She grabs the spell book and hits the plant with it]'' Something's wrong with this book. :''[The pixies are still locked up in the box and Piff is crying]'' :'''Chatta''': Piff is more homesick than all of us. :'''Amore''': We've gotta get her back to the village. :''[Someone comes into the room they're being held in]'' :'''Lockette''': Someone's coming! :'''Amore''': Oh no. :'''Lockette''': This is not good. <hr width80%> :''(In Cinélume dub)'' :'''Lockette''': I'm scared! :'''Chatta''': We must be strong everyone! :''[The hooded figure starts to use magic on the box holding the pixies]'' :'''Digit''': Uh oh, here he comes! :''[One side of the box falls away and the pixies walk out]'' :'''Chatta''': Hey, he set us free. :'''Amore''': We're still in danger. :'''Digit''': Right, first thing we gotta do is get back home. :'''Lockette''': We'll be much safer there. :''[The pixies fly away]'' <hr width80%> :''(In 4Kids dub)'' :'''Lockette''': I'm scared! :'''Chatta''': Be quiet, Lockette. :''[A hooded man approaches the box and uses his magic on it]'' :'''Digit''': He's breaking in! :''[One side of the box falls off and the pixies walk out]'' :'''Lockette''': Hey! I think he's leaving. :'''Amore''': Who was it? :'''Digit''': Who cares? Let's get back to the village. :'''Lockette''': Come on everybody! :''[The pixies fly away]'' ===Win-x Together! (Cinélume)/Truth or Dare (4Kids)=== *The six Winx Club girls' learn how to use their unique fairy magic and spells in convergence. <hr width80%> === The Invisible Pixies (Cinélume)/Gangs of Gardenia (4Kids)=== :'''Stella''': I can say "Do you have this in a size four?" in ten different languages, but I'm afraid that's about it. :'''Aisha''': I wasn't even allowed to pick out my own clothes. My parents only wanted me to look one way. :'''Tune''': Prim and proper, I'm sure. :'''Aisha''': Yeah, that's it. It was such a drag. :'''Tune''': Hmph! <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' Mom, this pendant comes from Sparx. It's a symbol of my birth family. The writing says Daphne, Bloom, Oritel and Miriam. I'm gonna try and find out more what happened to them. <hr width="50%" /> :'''Vanessa''': What's Kiko playing with? There's nothing there. :'''Bloom''': Well, it's kinda hard to explain. <hr width="50%" /> :'''Aisha''': Why don't you sneak a little magic and play DJ, Musa. :'''Musa''': As long as we're not using magic on people. <hr width="50%" /> :'''Triplet 1''': I'm tellin' you, those [[girl]]s are witches or sorcerers. :'''Triplet 3''': Dude, the correct gender-specific term is sorceress. :'''Triplet 1''': That's what I just said; weren't you listenin'?! Now go get me another soda. ===Battle on Planet Eraklyon (Cinélume)/The Wrong Righters (4Kids)=== ===The Show Must Go On! (Cinélume)/Magic In My Heart (4Kids)=== :''[Musa's father debuts]'' <hr width80%> :'''Musa:''' My magic comes from the music around me. So I just figured the more singing, the more power. <hr width80%> :''(in Cinélume Dub; Special Concert Ending)'' :''We're the magical Winx Club'' :''The wonder girls'' :''That's us'' :''Yes we're best friends'' :''Our hearts beat as one'' :'''Bloom''': "Word of Winx!" :'''Musa''': "Pump up the volume!" :'''Tecna''': "Logical right!" :'''Layla''': "Energy!" :'''Flora''': "I vote for Winx!" :'''Stella''': "Beautiful things must stay together!" :'''Girls of Winx''': "Winx"! "Winx Club"! :''We're'' :''The wonderful Winx Club'' :''We fly from star to star'' :''Over mountains and seas'' :''Here we are'' :''We're'' :''The wonderful Winx Club'' :''We fly from star to star'' :''Over mountains and seas'' :''Here we are'' :''The magical Winx Club'' ===Hallowinx! (Cinélume)/The Fourth Witch (4Kids)=== :''(in Cinélume Dub)'' :'''Mitzi''': Bloom, I'm so glad you came...''[She twirls to show off her dress]'' Isn't this dress marvelous? :'''Bloom''': Ho, yeah, it's really something else! :'''Mitzi''': "Something else"? What kind of compliment is that? ''[She grabs one of the strands of her dress]'' Aren't these sparkles dazzling? I had them custom made, they cost me a fortune! ''[She begins her criticism on the girls costumes]'' Now, speaking of costumes. I find yours very disappointing, I told you to wear something elegant! This is a party, NOT a funeral! :'''Stella''': Sweetie, put on your sunglasses! :'''Mitzi''': And why should I? ''[gasps]'' :''[The Winx remove their robes and reveal their fairy forms. Mitzi is stunned speechless and the guests are impressed by their "costumes"]'' :'''Doctor Costumer''': ''[Impressed]'' Oh! Wow! :'''Nurse Costumer''': ''[grumpily]'' Hmm. ''[She elbows the doctor]'' :'''Doctor Costumer''': Ow! :'''Witch Hunter Robin Costumer''': How did you make your wings? They look so real! :'''Flora''': That's a secret. :''[A girl with a magenta hat walks over to Stella]'' :'''Female Hat Costumer''': I would so love to wear something like just once in my life! :'''Female Skeleton Costumer''': It beats series 2902, thermic-optic-camouflage! :''[Mitzi is standing aside, jealous of the Winx getting all the attention]'' :'''Blue Mask Costumer''': Would you like me to go and dim the lights a little bit? :'''Mitzi''': No, you'd just mess it up. Anyway, I've got a plan to scare 'em all right out of their half-wits. ''[cackles]'' <hr width80%> :''(in 4Kids Dub)'' :'''Mitzi''': ''[sarcastically]'' Bloom. I'm so glad that you came! ''[She twirls to show off her dress]'' Hm. You like?? :'''Bloom''': What're suppose to be exactly? :'''Mitzi''': Duh! I'm the goth supermodel from the future! Ha, I don't know what you're suppose to be but those are THE most boring costumes I've ever seen! :'''Bloom''': ''[She and Layla look down on their black long robes]'' Huh. :'''Mitzi''': Actually, I have an idea. I'd like you to stand next to me all night, 'cause those lame-o outfits will make mine look extra hot! :'''Stella''': ''[sarcastically]'' We'd be honored to stand next to you! :'''Mitzi''': Well, of course you would! ''[gasps]'' :''[The Winx reveal their fairy "costumes". Mitzi gasps loudly, shocked at how beautiful their costumes are]'' :'''The Winx''': Mm-hm. :''[The Male Party goer who spoke to Layla are amazed by their costumes. Al irritable elbows him hard]'' :'''Frankenstein Female Party goer''': I love your outfits! Where did you get them? :'''Flora''': Um... Online? :''[A female party goer consults Stella]'' :'''Female Party goer 1''': I'm the president of our school fashion club and I'd love for you to join! :'''Skeleton Female Party goer''': You've inspired me! I'm totally gonna be a fairy next Halloween! :''[Mitzi stands aside, arms folded and irritated. A female friend of hers with a blue mask approaches her]'' :'''Blue mask Friend''': Personally, I think they look tacky in those outfits. :'''Mitzi''': ''[angrily]'' Shut up! Their costumes are gorgeous but I'll still make sure their miserable before the night's over! ''[Mitzi nasally cackles]'' <hr width80%> :'''Elle''': Aren't these the girls who go to reform school? :'''Bloom''': What did you say?! :'''Elle''': Don't take offense. The [[truth]] is I would probably be in boarding school too if my [[father]] weren't rich, famous, and connected. <hr width80%> :'''Stella''': You can smell her perfume a mile away! She wears way too much fragrance, big faux pas. :'''Mitzi''': Faux pas you, loser! :'''Stella''': You know, you should thank me for telling you. <hr width80%> :'''Mitzi:''' That's gonna leave a stain. Permanently. :''(Bloom magically wipes the stain off her sparky Winx/Fairy top)'' :'''Bloom:''' Mitzi. Don't worry about it. The stain came right out. :'''Mitzi:''' Huh? ===Twinning with the Witches (Cinélume)/Exchange Students (4Kids)=== :''[the Winx are running through the halls of Cloud Tower, trying to think of a plan to stop the Trix from getting the Codex]'' :'''Musa''': Check this plan: We pretend we know where the Codex is then we go there and lay a trap and –- :'''Stella''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh great idea, Musa. ''[seriously]'' Icy isn't exactly an idiot, ya know! <hr width80%> :'''Stella:''' How are gonna stop them when they have that superpowered Gloomix thing? ===In the Heart of Cloudtower (Cinélume)/The Heart of Cloud Tower (4Kids)=== *The Winx Club fail in stopping the Trix sisters from getting the second fragment of the Codex. <hr width80%> :'''Stella:''' ''Ray of Light.'' <hr width80%> : '''Darcy:''' ''Perfect Darkness''. : '''Bloom:''' Ah! My eyes! <hr width=70%/> :'''Griffin:''' They must go back to Alfea to replenish their Winx. They must learn to work together and trust one another because Lord Darkar will be attacking Alfea next. ===The Spy in the Shadows (Cinélume)/Shadows in Bloom (4Kids)=== *Bloom sees her birth parents, King Oritel and Queen Miriam of Sparx, for first time, though in a vision. *The third piece of the Codex is taken by none other than Bloom who had been spelled by "Professor Avalon." <hr width80%> :'''Bloom:''' Oritel and Miriam. Hey, do you know who I am!? Whoa. The Dragon. <hr width80%> : '''Lord Darkar:''' It's so nice when the light finally sees the darkness. Go, my little puppet. <hr width80%> : '''Stella:''' Bloom, I'm sorry but you're asking for it! ''Solar Burst''. : '''Dark Bloom:''' Don't forget, Stella! I can fight fire with fire! <hr width80%> : '''Lockette:''' We're your friends, Bloom, and we love you. : '''Dark Bloom:''' Get away from Lockette! : '''Chatta:''' A bonded pixie's kiss can break almost any dark spell. <hr width=70%/> : '''Dark Bloom:''' Ha! You got nothing! I'm gonna enjoy wiping the floor with you guys! <hr width80%> ===Pixie Village (Cinélume)/The First Charmix (4Kids)=== *A secondary, evolved transformation for fairies' is revealed''':''' Charmix, a greater though temporary evolution of the standard Winx/Fairy form. <hr width80%> : '''Chatta:''' You got a Charmix, Bloom. Fairies get them when they get in tough with their true selves. : '''Bloom:''' It's filling me with some new kind of power. (''Everyone cheers'') <hr width80%> ===Danger in the Wildland (Cinélume)/Last Resorts (4Kids)=== *Stella earns her enhanced Charmix powers by apologizing to Layla. *Musa earns her greater Charmix powers by admitting to Riven that she really likes him. <hr width80%> : '''Stella:''' I like you Layla. I want us to be friends. Whoa. : '''Layla:''' you got your Charmix, Stella. <hr width=70%/> :'''Musa:''' Oh, and I do like you...a lot. See you around. : '''Riven:''' Huh? : '''Musa:''' Wow! I got a Charmix! ===Charmix Power (Cinélume)/Trouble in Paradise (4Kids)=== *Layla receives her enhanced Charmix abilities and spells due to strong desire to find her friends. *Tecna earns her greater Charmix powers for being honest with her feelings with Timmy, and showing it by crying tears. <hr width80%> : '''Layla:''' I miss my friends. No! I can't give up! I'll find them! Wow. I got my Charmix. <hr width70%> : '''Timmy:''' You got your Charmix, Tecna. ===The Time for Truth (Cinélume)/Darkness and Light (4Kids)=== *Bloom, Stella, Musa, Tecna and Layla receive Charmix training, with all of their stronger Charmix spells nonverbal. *Flora earns her Charmix by finally confessing her true romantic feelings to Helia. <hr width80%> : '''Griselda''' (''about the witch-goblin'')''':''' Your regular powers won't beat it. If you don't use your Charmix... : '''Bloom:''' Alright, girls! It's Charmix time! <hr width70%> : '''Flora:''' Ms. Faragonda, I not sure I can do this. I mean, I haven't even gotten my Charmix yet. : '''Faragonda:''' You're the Fairy of Nature. You can do this. Now I want you to try and save that flower. <hr width70%> : '''Flora:''' Helia! I really, really like you. : '''Helia:''' I love you, too. <hr width70%> : '''Chatta:''' You did it, Flora. : '''Flora:''' My Charmix! <hr width=70%/> : '''False Avalon:''' I found a new way to boost your powers. It's called the Empowerment Bubble. : '''Bloom:''' I'm feeling so much negative energy in here. What is this thing doing to my power? : '''False Avalon:''' It's taking all of your power and giving it me, Bloom. Isn't it marvelous? ===Darkar's Prisoner (Cinélume)/Desperately Seeking Bloom (4Kids)=== : '''False Avalon:''' What you going to do now that you got her, Darkar? Steal her power from her? : '''Lord Darkar:''' Actually, her power alone is useless to me. I need her because the Dragon Fire and the Shadow Fire must be united. It will take both parts of the Fire to enter the realm of Realix. Then we'll use her light and my darkness to take the Ultimate Power! Bloom, you're going to help take over the universe! You have no choice! <hr width=70%/> : '''Stella:''' Look, I'm in a tube-top dress, and it's ridiculously cold in here! So I'm going take care of this right! Go Charmix! (''Stella Charmix Transformation'') ''Solar Blast''. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' I am ''not'' like you! I'll never be evil! : '''Lord Darkar:''' That's what our friend over here said too. Avalon used to be a cloud spirit and now he's on my side. You will be on my side, too. : '''Bloom:''' I have a good heart! You can't turn it dark! : '''Lord Darkar:''' Cloud spirits are the purest beings. If I can convert a cloud spirit, I can change anyone. And that includes you, Bloom. <hr width=70%/> : '''Flora:''' Roots and vines, bind this creature! : '''Musa:''' ''Sonic Boost''. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' It doesn't matter what you do to me! My friends will stop you!! : '''Lord Darkar:''' You will destroy anyone who tries to stop us! So if they try, you will end up destroying them! There is nothing you can do, Bloom! Because as of right now, you belong to me! ===Face to Face with the Enemy (Cinélume)/Storming Shadowhaunt (4Kids)=== : '''Lord Darkar''' (''to Dark Bloom'')''':''' The time has come to activate the Codex, my beautiful. Hand in hand, we will seize the Ultimate Power. : '''Icy:''' My beautiful! I hate to interrupt your sweet little "together we will rule the universe" moment, but we got a little problem outside. : '''Stormy:''' The Winx girls and their boy toys have managed to fly a ship into the main cavern. : '''Darcy:''' While you're in here flirting with Bloom, they're out there turning your shadow monsters into a shooting gallery. : '''Lord Darkar:''' A minor annoyance. You three deal with it. : '''Icy:''' What about entering the realm of Realix together!? : '''Stormy:''' That's right! : '''Lord Darkar:''' Bloom and I need time to open the vortex. Go and lend all your Gloomix powers to my creatures, so they can crush the fairies. <hr width80%> : '''Darcy:''' I can't believe this! : '''Icy:''' He may need Bloom's power to open the gate to Realix! But once she does, we'll witch her up and remind Darkar who we are!! <hr width80%> :'''Darkar:''' We're almost ready, my dear Bloom. :'''Icy:''' Hey. L.D. :'''Darcy:''' You're not leaving are you? :'''Icy:''' You wouldn't leave without your main witches, would you? :'''Darkar:''' I only have one main witch now. And, no, I don't plan on leaving without her. :'''Stormy:''' What are you talking about!? :'''Darcy:''' You better not be suggesting what I think you're suggesting. :'''Icy:''' We have been running all over the realms for you, and now you're gonna ditch us for some nitwit little wannabee at the last minute? :'''Darkar:''' Bloom's my main witch now. As for you three, considers yourselves dumped. now it's just you and me, my sweet. <hr width80%> : '''Lord Darkar:''' To open the vortex, we must present light and darkness allied in together. The Codex doesn't know you turned to darkness. It only sees the light of the Dragon Fire within you. <hr width=70%/> : '''Lord Darkar:''' Yes! The gateway to Realix! When we step through there, we will be face-to-face with the Ultimate Power! And anyone who tries to follow us will have to deal with Curvok. Shall we? As they say, lightness before dark. <hr width=70%/> (''In their evolved Charmix forms'') : '''Flora:''' ''Blossom Blast''. : '''Musa:''' ''Sonic Boom''. Good one, Flo. Now let's catch up with Stella and Layla. ===The Phoenix Revealed (Cinélume)/The Ultimate Power Couple (4Kids)=== *This is the final time Charmix is used by any of the Winx Club fairies. * The only appearance of the Mega-Trix (the amalgamation of all three witch sisters) <hr width80%> : '''Lord Darkar:''' Here we are, you and me, the Ultimate Power couple. <hr width80%> :(''Stella and Layla enter Realix through the portal'') : '''Stella:''' ''Solar Burst''. : '''Layla:''' ''Ocean Blast''. Whoa. Look at Bloom. : '''Stella:''' He must have put a dark spell on her. <hr width80%> : '''Lord Darkar:''' You keep chanting, Bloom. I'll destroy them <hr width80%> : '''Layla:''' Bloom, it's us. : '''Stella:''' Darkar put a spell on you, Bloom. : '''Lord Darkar:''' You got that right. And the spell is unbreakable. : '''Stella:''' In that case, we're gonna have to make you undo it! : '''Lord Darkar:''' I'm sorry, but I think darkness suits your friend rather well. <hr width70%> :(''Layla and Stella transform into their evolved Charmix forms'') : '''Stella:''' Let's use our Charmix. Come on! ''Solar Eclipse Blast''. : '''Layla:''' ''Aquarius Current''. : '''Layla and Stella:''' Now! Together! :(''Fire concentrated beams of magical sunlight and watery energy at Darkar'') <hr width80%> :'''Stella:''' I guess we got him. :'''Layla:''' So what are gonna do about Bloom? <hr width80%> :'''Flora:''' What do we do if she actually beats him? :'''Tecna:''' If either of them gain complete control of the Ultimate Power, there will be no way to stop them. <hr width70%> : '''Lord Darkar:''' Wait for me, my dear! The power is ours! : '''Stella and Layla:''' No! : '''Lord Darkar:''' And now Bloom with hand it over to me and I will rule all the realms! <hr width=70%/> : '''Sky:''' If I can talk to her, maybe she'll listen and I can reach beyond the spell. : '''Brandon:''' Sky? :'''Lord Darkar''': What are you going to do, ask her to the prom? Sorry, she's busy! :'''Sky:''' Bloom! :'''Lord Darkar''': Give me the power now, Bloom! :'''Sky''': Wait, Bloom, try to listen to my voice. It's me- your boyfriend. :'''Dark Bloom:''' Huh? :'''Sky:''' Darkar put you under a spell. :'''Dark Bloom:''' Huh? :'''Sky:''' This is not who you are. You're not evil. You may not be able to see it now Bloom, but you have a true heart. :'''Lord Darkar''': He doesn't know anything! :'''Sky''': I know what your heart is like! I've felt it. Your heart is full of light, Bloom. Your heart is so pure and good, that it saved me. You didn't let me go and I'm not gonna let you go. So you have to fight this Bloom! You have to break free! You have to come back, because I...love you! <hr width70%> : '''Layla:''' Whoa. : '''Stella:''' How did she do it? : '''Flora:''' She used the power in her heart to fight the darkness. : '''Timmy:''' I can feel it. <hr width=70%/> : '''Lord Darkar:''' NO! ''What did you do to it!?'' : '''Bloom:''' I gave it back. The Ultimate Power is staying in Realix, where it belongs. <hr width=70%/> : '''Stella:''' It's gonna take all six of us giving it everything we have. : '''Layla:''' We'll use our Charmix. : '''Bloom:''' The power of six Charmix converging at once. <hr width80%> :(''All six Charmix fairies focus their unusually strong magic into one single attack'') :'''Winx Club:''' Winx Club, Charmix Convergence!! :'''Darkar:''' NO!! This can't happening!! NO!! NOOO!!! (''Vanishes into oblivion from the combined force of the Winx Club'') <hr width80%> :'''Icy (''Inside the Mega-Trix form''):''' That idiot fairy gave the Ultimate Power back!! ''I hate her more than ever!!'' <hr width=50%/> :''[Bloom is standing at the top of stairs and Sky goes towards her and Bloom is with Kiko]'' :'''Bloom''': Hey, Sky, I am glad you found me! We need to talk about what happened in Realix. :'''Sky''': So, you don't remember what I said to you. :'''Bloom''': Of course, I remember. What you said to me was totally sweet. :'''Sky''': So you liked what I said to you, using the L word and all? :'''Bloom''': I [[love]] you too, Sky. :''[They kiss]'' ==Cast=== ===Cinélume=== *Helena Evangeliou as Bloom *Jennifer Seguin as Stella *Holly Gauthier-Frankel as Flora *Sarah McCullough as Musa, Stormy, Zing, Matlin *Lezlie Karls as Tecna (Episodes 1-5) *Jodie Resther as Tecna (Episode 6 onward), Daphne *Lucinda Davis as Layla, Digit *Harry Standjofski as Darkar *Eleanor Noble as Icy *Carrie Finley as Darcy *Danny Brochu as Sky *Mark Hauser as Brandon *Michael Yarmush as Timmy *Mitchell Rothpan as Riven *Martin Watier as Helia *Susan Glover as Griselda *Mary Smith as Amore === 4Kids === *Liza Jacquline as Bloom *Caren Manuel as Stella and Darcy *Lisa Adams as Stella (stand-in) *Kerry Williams as Flora, Francine, Amore *Lisa Ortiz as Musa, Icy, Digit, Mitzi, Matlin *Dani Schaffel as Tecna *Vashthy Mompoint as Layla *Jason Griffith as Darkar *Suzy Myers as Stormy *Dan Green as Sky *Greg Abbey as Brandon *Michael Sinterniklaas as Riven *Sebastian Arcelus as Timmy and Palladium *Pete Zarustica as Kiko and Wizgiz * Rachael Lillis as Faragonda, Barbatea, DuFour, Amaryl, Ortensia, Priscilla, Lucy, Ediltrude * Carol Jacobanis as Griffin * Michael Alston as Saladin * Marc Thompson as Knut, Avalon * Erica Schroeder as Daphne, Piff * Su Meredith as Griselda * Kayzie Rogers as Vanessa * Stuart Zagnit as Mike * Veronica Taylor as Alice, Diaspro, and Zarathustra * Amy Palant as Mirta * Wayne Grayson as Jared * Priscilla Everett as Amentia [[Category:Winx Club seasons]] e67rt2k4gug532u1ataiqrx8qhoc3wl 3779027 3779026 2025-07-15T05:31:38Z 2601:84:C903:B4E0:CCD7:7A38:B89E:B671 /* Cast= */ 3779027 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Seasons:''' [[Winx Club (season 1)|1]] [[Winx Club (season 2)|2]] [[Winx Club (season 3)|3]] [[Winx Club (season 4)|4]] [[Winx Club (season 5)|5]] [[Winx Club (season 6)|6]] [[Winx Club (season 7)|7]] | [[Winx Club|Main]] ---- '''''[[w:Winx Club|Winx Club]]''''' is an animated television series created by [[w:Iginio Straffi|Iginio Straffi]] and animated by [[w:Rainbow (company)|Rainbow SpA]], in co-production with [[w:Nickelodeon|Nickelodeon]] (Seasons 5 and 6) and [[w:Rai Fiction|Rai Fiction]]. ===The Shadow Phoenix (Cinélume)/Back to School (4Kids)=== * The sixth additional to the Winx Club is Aisha/Layla, Fairy of Waves. <hr width70%> : '''Bloom''' (''narrating'')''':''' Summer was over and it was my first day back at Alfea. <hr width=70%/> :'''Lord Darkar''': Look, it's a [[w: phoenix (mythology) |bird]]! No, it's a man. No! It's Lord Darkar. <hr width=70%/> : '''Tecna:''' I have my map. I'll have it match a scan. She's a princess from the realm of Tides. : '''Bloom:''' It's a baby pixie. She's so sleepy. This is just what the psychic said- a fairy with long flowing hair and a sleepy baby pixie. : '''Musa:''' What else did she say? : '''Bloom:''' That there's gonna danger and darkness like nothing we've ever seen before. ===Up to Their Old Trix (Cinélume)/Princess of Tides (4Kids)=== :'''Musa''': ''[after Layla faints]'' Okay, she's either a little whacked or she's still need to [[sleep]]. <hr width=70%/> :'''Stella''': Have some cafeteria food! :'''Flora''': Keep it down, Stel. :'''Stella''': Why? What's the big deal? ''[Piff cries]'' What's she doing? Doesn't she want a sandwich? :'''Bloom''': Uh, Stella, Piff's not even teething yet. ===Rescue Mission (Cinélume)/Into the Under Realm (4Kids)=== :'''Bloom:''' My powers are draining. I feel weak. (''faints'') :'''Sky:''' Bloom. <hr width80%> :'''Layla:''' I'm from the realm of Tides. I can mold water molecules into any shape. :'''Sky:''' Cool. <hr width70%> ===Princess Amentia (Cinélume)/Queen of Perfection (4Kids)=== ===Magic Bonding (Cinélume)/Rescuing the Pixies (4Kids)=== :''(in Cinélume dub)'' :'''Sky''': Layla! Hurry up! :'''Layla''': Wait! It's only the pixies. At last. :'''Pixies''': Layla! :'''Layla''': Huh? Wait a minute! :'''Pixies''': ''[They fly into Layla's arms, knocking her to the ground]'' Layla! :'''Layla''': Pixies, these are my new friends: Bloom, Stella, and Sky. :'''Amore''': ''[she flies over to Stella]'' Oh, what a wonderful person. :'''Stella''': My, she's adorable. :'''Sky''': Stella's returning a compliment? What's going on here? :'''Layla''': That's the bonding, it's like love at first sight between a fairy and a pixie. Their bond will be unbreakable. :'''Amore''': I'm Amore, pixie of love. :'''Stella''': And I'm Stella, the most loved fairy. :'''Lockette''': ''[she flies over to Bloom]'' Hi, I'm Lockette, the pixie of portals. Will you protect me from now on? :''[Cut to the throne Room, Darkar is using magic to watch them]'' :'''Darkar''': Those pixies are so sweet, I'm starting to like them. ''[laughing evilly]'' :''[Cut back to the Shadowhaunt]'' :'''Bloom''': And that's how we were rescued. :'''Layla''': Speaking of rescued, how did you manage to get out of the cage? :'''Digit''': It was easy, all of a sudden the barrier was deleted. :'''Layla''': So you weren't rescued by our paladin? :'''Stella''': I'm sorry, but I'd like to remind you that while we're sitting here chatting, Brandon is probably walking down the aisle. Let's hop to it! :'''Sky''': Stella's right. Come on, girls, there's no time to lose. <hr width80%> :''(in 4Kids dub)'' :'''Sky''': Layla, come on! :'''Bloom''': Layla! :'''Layla''': It's the pixies! :'''Pixies''': ''[They towards Layla's open arms]'' Layla! ''[They crash into Layla, knocking her to the ground]'' :'''Layla''': These are my new friends, you guys, Bloom, Stella, and Sky. :'''Amore''': ''[she flies over to Stella]'' Ooh, you're so beautiful. :'''Stella''': And you're so adorable. :'''Sky''': Stella's returning a compliment? What's that about? :'''Layla''': Well, you see, a fairy and her destined pixie bond on first sight. They're like soulmates. :'''Amore''': I'm Amore, pixie of love. :'''Stella''': And I'm Stella, from Solaria. :'''Lockette''': ''[she flies over to Bloom]'' You're amazing! You've got a lot of hidden passage in your heart. I'm Lockette, the pixie of portals. :'''Digit''': You shouldn't have been able to protect that barrier. :'''Layla''': I know, something is not right here. First the barrier? Then that paladin appears out of nowhere? :'''Stella''': Hey, let's talk and walk people. This little mission isn't over yet. My beau is being forced down the aisle. We gotta save him! :'''Sky''': Stella's right. Everybody let's hurry up and get to Downland. Brandon needs us. ===Runaway Groom (Cinélume)/My Boyfriend's Wedding (4Kids)=== :'''Stella:''' Meanwhile, my boo is being forced down the aisle! ===The Mysterious Stone (Cinélume)/The Dark Tower (4Kids)=== :''(In Cinélume dub)'' :''[Bloom and Flora hug, Stella and Musa hug, and Layla is reunited with Piff]'' :'''Layla''': Piff! :'''Livvy''': ''[narrating]'' As you can imagine, all eyes were on us pixies, and three of us bonded on the spot. Tecna and Digit had met in a chatroom a while back and were overdo for an actual face-to-face meeting. ''[Tecna and Digit are bond together]'' And a big hug! ''[Musa and Tune are bond together]'' Tune and Musa discovered a common sense of style. :'''Tune''': Wow, those headphones are quite, umm, unique. :'''Musa''': Well, it's my hair actually. :'''Livvy''': ''[narrating]'' And Chatta wasted no time telling Flora all her secrets. :'''Chatta''': What's your boyfriend's name? Tell me. :'''Flora''': I told you I don't have one. :'''Chatta''': You don't have one? You must have two. Hey, don't be shy, come on, details. Is he tall? Dark? Buff? Smart? Friendly? :''[Kiko jumps around at Bloom's feet trying to get her attention but she is talking to Lockette and Glim]'' :'''Bloom''': Welcome to Alfea, pixies. Come on, let's go in and get you guys something to eat. ''[She walks away without noticing Kiko, and he sad]'' :'''Sky''': Kiko, first time a girl dumps you? ''[Kiko pushes him away]'' Okay, okay. Alright. :'''Livvy''': ''[narrating]'' Faragonda was very happy to see the fairies back at Alfea, safe and sound. However, the following morning she summoned the Winx to her office to discuss a most serious matter. <hr width80%> :''(in 4Kids dub)'' :''[Stella, Bloom, and Layla laugh and run over to them]'' :'''Bloom''': Hey! ''[She and Flora hug. Stella and Musa hug]'' :'''Musa''': Stella! :''[Layla reunites with Piff]'' :'''Bloom''': Oh, hey, these are the pixies, you guys. :'''Tecna''': How fascinating. Is that actual pixidium? Oh, my, how adorable! ''[she and Digit bond]'' :'''Layla''': Tecna, this is Digit. :''[Musa and Tune bond]'' :'''Tune''': My name is Tune, I am the pixies of manners. I love your hairstyle, it's so, umm, unique. :'''Musa''': Thanks, it's like my signature. :'''Chatta''': ''[she and Flora bond]'' So, you're name is Flora. Do you have a boyfriend? I bet you do. What's his name? Is he a big time cutie? :'''Flora''': I'm sort of flying solo. :'''Chatta''': Don't worry, we're gonna get you one before the semester's up. Wanna hear about our adventure? I was so brave! I fought this gigantic snake! :''[Kiko jumps around at Bloom's feet, but she is too busy talking to Lockette and Glim to notice]'' :'''Bloom''': Let's go inside, you guys, and I'll give you a tour of the school, okay? :'''Lockette''': We wanna see your room. :'''Bloom''': Okay, but I have to warn you, it's probably a mess. At least it was when I left, what with Flora's vines and my laundry. ''[She walks away without noticing Kiko and he is disappointed]'' :'''Sky''': Look, Kiko, if you want a girl's attention, you gotta play it real cool. ''[Kiko pushes him away]'' Alright, take it easy. Just trying to give you a little man to man advice. But fine, do things your way. <hr width80%> :'''Stella:''' I can't believe Bloom's still out there blasting that thing. :'''Musa:''' You know how she gets when she's determined. <hr width80%> :''(in Cinélume dub)'' :'''Faragonda''': Let me introduce a leading expert from the famous Malequoi Academy. He'll be joining our faculty at my special request. Professor Avalon. :'''Flora''': He makes me feel a teeny bit nervous. :'''Stella''': Is this guy hot or what? Can't keep my eyes off him. :'''Tecna''': Well, I wonder what his specialty is. :'''Faragonda''': Professor, would you please destroy that stone. :'''Avalon''': ''Lapis Studay Etpheremay Tatframga Etconimunum''. ''[He uses a spell on the stone and it fractures into a pile or rubble. The students gasp]'' :'''Bloom''': How did he do that? :'''Avalon''': What you've just witnessed is a technical incantation. Until now, you've been casting spells spontaneously, following your instincts. Those are the skills you perfected last year. This is a whole new level of difficulty. :'''Flora''': Technical magic? What's different about it? :'''Faragonda''': These spells require cognitive analysis and accurate pronunciation. That's the subject of Professor Avalon's class. :'''Tecna''': Ah, a question, please, Headmistress. How did you determine which technical spell would destroy the unidentified stone? :'''Faragonda''': Easy. I created the stone. I wanted to make absolutely sure that you would not underestimate the importance of your new classes. :'''Chatta''': That does it! First, they obsess about a stupid stone, and now it's the new professor. I can't believe our fairies have already forgotten about us. What do you say, we ask them to come flying with us over the lake? :'''Lockette''': Alright! :'''Faragonda''': Everybody, class dismissed! But if you have questions, I'm sure Professor Avalon will be happy to answer them. :'''Bloom''': I have one, Professor. :'''Flora''': Oh, yes, me too. :'''Stella''': Professor Avalon. :''[The students cluster around Avalon]'' :'''Avalon''': Ask whatever you wish, I am here for you. :'''Tecna''': Professor, may I ask a technical question? :'''Avalon''': Go ahead. :'''Tecna''': What would be the ration of random... :''[Chatta and Lockette are forced out by the clustering the students]'' :'''Lockette''': ''[cried]'' I'm so sad, Bloom didn't even notice me! :''[Kiko walks to Lockette and goes to tried to comfort her, but stick his tongue out at her instead. He runs away from Lockette and she starts crying loudly. Chatta is getting mad]'' :'''Amaryl''': What does cognitive analysis mean precisely? :'''Avalon''': Let me answer your question by... :'''Bloom''': ''[internally]'' Cognitive analysis, I wonder if this new professor could help me find out more about my birth parents. :'''Musa''': What was that language you used? It has a fascinating sound. :'''Flora''': Is your subject very difficult? :'''Bloom''': Professor Avalon, would you have time to help me with some personal research? :'''Avalon''': I'll be in my office this afternoon. Come see me. :'''Bloom''': I'll be there. :'''Flora''': But Bloom, we were supposed to hang out today. :'''Bloom''': Sorry, I can't. :'''Chatta''': Ahem, Flora. :'''Flora''': What? :''[Chatta sticks her tongue out]'' <hr width80%> :''(in 4Kids dub)'' :'''Faragonda''': Allow me to introduce our newest faculty member, who comes to us from the esteemed Malequoi Paladin Academy, Professor Avalon. :''[Avalon bows and the student murmur to each other]'' :'''Flora''': Why do my toes feel kind of tingly? :'''Stella''': Flora wants to know why her toes feel kind of tingly. :'''Tecna''': For the same reason yours and mine do. :'''Faragonda''': He will now destroy the Obelisk. :''[The students gasp and mutter to each other]'' :'''Avalon''': ''Lapis stugia delframe catilion''. ''[He glows yellow and uses a spell on the obelisk. It fractures and crumbles into large chunks]'' :'''Bloom''': How did you do that? :'''Avalon''': You young students have yet to discover what I call your genial power. :'''Stella''': Huh? :'''Avalon''': But once you do your winx will grow and you will be able to control magical energy, like the kind that composed those towers. :'''Flora''': So, where did the dark towers come from? :'''Stella''': Yeah? :'''Faragonda''': Professor Avalon created them so he could observe your power in action and evaluate each of your skills. :'''Tecna''': Umm, I have a question, Miss Faragonda. What's the name of the class Professor Avalon is teaching, and how many students will be asmitten- uh I mean admitted? :'''Faragonda''': Only twenty students will be allowed in. ''[The students are surprised]'' It's a master workshop, and as such will require great commitment. I've made some recommendations but Professor Avalon will make the final decisions. So, if you're interested in the class, or have any questions, speak up. :'''Bloom''': I'm interested! :'''Flora''': Me too! :''[The class gathers around Avalon all talking over each other]'' :'''Avalon''': First, let me say this class will be quite difficult. :'''Tecna''': I've never gotten anything lower than an A-minus in my life. :'''Avalon''': Is that so? :'''Amaryl''': So, this genial power, what is it? :'''Avalon''': It's the power that connects you to your family, and to your origins, so that you can best understand your magic and make the most of it. :'''Musa''': Yo, I don't get it. It's like learning to talk to your ancestors? :'''Flora''': It's about finding them in yourself. :'''Bloom''': What if you don't know a lot about your origins? Can you still learn this thing? :'''Avalon''': It might take some extra work, but the answer is yes. :'''Bloom''': Sign me up! ===Party Crasher (Cinélume)/Party Monster (4Kids)=== :''(In Cinélume dub)'' :'''Musa''': You remember where it goes ba-ba-da-dap and then the rhythm guitar comes in? :'''Layla''': Right. That's where I was gonna go like this! ''[She dances then moonwalks. She almost drops her drink and jumps out to catch it, waking Piff]'' Ta-da! ''[She and Musa laugh, and then they see Darcy in disguise]'' :'''Musa''': That's strange. That girl looks awfully familiar. :'''Layla''': What's wrong, Musa? :'''Musa''': ''[gasped]'' It's Darcy! :'''Darcy''': Curses! ''[She runs off]'' :'''Musa''': That's her. Come on, let's go! ''[She and Layla runs off, dropping her drinks while Tune stays drinking her tea]'' <hr width80%> :''(in 4Kids dub)'' :'''Musa''': When the music starts, I'll come out and say, "This one goes out to our Red Fountain peeps". :'''Layla''': That's when I'll come out and do the Tide walk. ''[She dances then moonwalks. She almost drops her drink and jumps out to catch it, waking Piff]'' Ta-da! ''[She and Musa laugh]'' :'''Darcy''': ''[In disguise, walks past]'' Eugh, gag me. :'''Musa''': Hey, that girl sounded just like somebody I know. :'''Layla''': What's her problem? :'''Musa''': Hey you! Wait a second. :'''Darcy''': Huh? Get lost! ''[She runs off]'' :'''Musa''': I think that's Darcy. Come on, let's get 'em. :''[They toss their drinks aside and run after them. Tune watches them go and sips her tea]'' ===Professor Avalon's Secret (Cinélume)/The Angel of Doom (4Kids)=== ===The Crypt of the Codex (Cinélume)/Reaching for the Sky (4Kids)=== :''[The Trix sisters manage to get the first piece of the Codex]'' :''[Bloom is revealed to possess great healing powers, courtesy of the ancient and almighty power of the Dragon Fire, the very source of the whole magical universe itself]'' <hr width80%> :'''Bloom''' (''with tears in her eyes'')''':''' Please! Don't leave me, Sky. I really do need you. :(''Draws more strength from her ever-growing, almighty Dragon Fire energies to wake Sky from his slumber'') :'''Timmy:''' You saved him, Bloom. <hr width70%> ===Race Against Time (Cinélume)/Homesick (4Kids)=== :''(In Cinélume dub)'' :'''Bloom''': Okay, a purification spell. ''[She goes over to a plant and casts a spell in another language. The plant transforms so that it has a face]'' Help! ''[The plant growls at her and she picks up the book and hits the plant with it]'' Woah. What's wrong with this book? :''[The pixies are still being held in the box, and Piff is crying]'' :'''Chatta''': This is terrible, Piff is homesick. :'''Amore''': We've gotta get her back to the village. :''[A hooded figure enters the room they're being held in]'' :'''Lockette''': What was that? :'''Digit''': Someone's here. :'''Lockette''': Oh, who is it? :'''Chatta''': Most importantly, what is he going to do to us? <hr width80%> :''(In 4Kids dub)'' :'''Bloom''': This spell will undo any previous spell. Maybe I should give it a shot. ''[She goes over to a plant and says a spell in another language. The plant transforms so it has a mouth that roars at Bloom. She grabs the spell book and hits the plant with it]'' Something's wrong with this book. :''[The pixies are still locked up in the box and Piff is crying]'' :'''Chatta''': Piff is more homesick than all of us. :'''Amore''': We've gotta get her back to the village. :''[Someone comes into the room they're being held in]'' :'''Lockette''': Someone's coming! :'''Amore''': Oh no. :'''Lockette''': This is not good. <hr width80%> :''(In Cinélume dub)'' :'''Lockette''': I'm scared! :'''Chatta''': We must be strong everyone! :''[The hooded figure starts to use magic on the box holding the pixies]'' :'''Digit''': Uh oh, here he comes! :''[One side of the box falls away and the pixies walk out]'' :'''Chatta''': Hey, he set us free. :'''Amore''': We're still in danger. :'''Digit''': Right, first thing we gotta do is get back home. :'''Lockette''': We'll be much safer there. :''[The pixies fly away]'' <hr width80%> :''(In 4Kids dub)'' :'''Lockette''': I'm scared! :'''Chatta''': Be quiet, Lockette. :''[A hooded man approaches the box and uses his magic on it]'' :'''Digit''': He's breaking in! :''[One side of the box falls off and the pixies walk out]'' :'''Lockette''': Hey! I think he's leaving. :'''Amore''': Who was it? :'''Digit''': Who cares? Let's get back to the village. :'''Lockette''': Come on everybody! :''[The pixies fly away]'' ===Win-x Together! (Cinélume)/Truth or Dare (4Kids)=== *The six Winx Club girls' learn how to use their unique fairy magic and spells in convergence. <hr width80%> === The Invisible Pixies (Cinélume)/Gangs of Gardenia (4Kids)=== :'''Stella''': I can say "Do you have this in a size four?" in ten different languages, but I'm afraid that's about it. :'''Aisha''': I wasn't even allowed to pick out my own clothes. My parents only wanted me to look one way. :'''Tune''': Prim and proper, I'm sure. :'''Aisha''': Yeah, that's it. It was such a drag. :'''Tune''': Hmph! <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' Mom, this pendant comes from Sparx. It's a symbol of my birth family. The writing says Daphne, Bloom, Oritel and Miriam. I'm gonna try and find out more what happened to them. <hr width="50%" /> :'''Vanessa''': What's Kiko playing with? There's nothing there. :'''Bloom''': Well, it's kinda hard to explain. <hr width="50%" /> :'''Aisha''': Why don't you sneak a little magic and play DJ, Musa. :'''Musa''': As long as we're not using magic on people. <hr width="50%" /> :'''Triplet 1''': I'm tellin' you, those [[girl]]s are witches or sorcerers. :'''Triplet 3''': Dude, the correct gender-specific term is sorceress. :'''Triplet 1''': That's what I just said; weren't you listenin'?! Now go get me another soda. ===Battle on Planet Eraklyon (Cinélume)/The Wrong Righters (4Kids)=== ===The Show Must Go On! (Cinélume)/Magic In My Heart (4Kids)=== :''[Musa's father debuts]'' <hr width80%> :'''Musa:''' My magic comes from the music around me. So I just figured the more singing, the more power. <hr width80%> :''(in Cinélume Dub; Special Concert Ending)'' :''We're the magical Winx Club'' :''The wonder girls'' :''That's us'' :''Yes we're best friends'' :''Our hearts beat as one'' :'''Bloom''': "Word of Winx!" :'''Musa''': "Pump up the volume!" :'''Tecna''': "Logical right!" :'''Layla''': "Energy!" :'''Flora''': "I vote for Winx!" :'''Stella''': "Beautiful things must stay together!" :'''Girls of Winx''': "Winx"! "Winx Club"! :''We're'' :''The wonderful Winx Club'' :''We fly from star to star'' :''Over mountains and seas'' :''Here we are'' :''We're'' :''The wonderful Winx Club'' :''We fly from star to star'' :''Over mountains and seas'' :''Here we are'' :''The magical Winx Club'' ===Hallowinx! (Cinélume)/The Fourth Witch (4Kids)=== :''(in Cinélume Dub)'' :'''Mitzi''': Bloom, I'm so glad you came...''[She twirls to show off her dress]'' Isn't this dress marvelous? :'''Bloom''': Ho, yeah, it's really something else! :'''Mitzi''': "Something else"? What kind of compliment is that? ''[She grabs one of the strands of her dress]'' Aren't these sparkles dazzling? I had them custom made, they cost me a fortune! ''[She begins her criticism on the girls costumes]'' Now, speaking of costumes. I find yours very disappointing, I told you to wear something elegant! This is a party, NOT a funeral! :'''Stella''': Sweetie, put on your sunglasses! :'''Mitzi''': And why should I? ''[gasps]'' :''[The Winx remove their robes and reveal their fairy forms. Mitzi is stunned speechless and the guests are impressed by their "costumes"]'' :'''Doctor Costumer''': ''[Impressed]'' Oh! Wow! :'''Nurse Costumer''': ''[grumpily]'' Hmm. ''[She elbows the doctor]'' :'''Doctor Costumer''': Ow! :'''Witch Hunter Robin Costumer''': How did you make your wings? They look so real! :'''Flora''': That's a secret. :''[A girl with a magenta hat walks over to Stella]'' :'''Female Hat Costumer''': I would so love to wear something like just once in my life! :'''Female Skeleton Costumer''': It beats series 2902, thermic-optic-camouflage! :''[Mitzi is standing aside, jealous of the Winx getting all the attention]'' :'''Blue Mask Costumer''': Would you like me to go and dim the lights a little bit? :'''Mitzi''': No, you'd just mess it up. Anyway, I've got a plan to scare 'em all right out of their half-wits. ''[cackles]'' <hr width80%> :''(in 4Kids Dub)'' :'''Mitzi''': ''[sarcastically]'' Bloom. I'm so glad that you came! ''[She twirls to show off her dress]'' Hm. You like?? :'''Bloom''': What're suppose to be exactly? :'''Mitzi''': Duh! I'm the goth supermodel from the future! Ha, I don't know what you're suppose to be but those are THE most boring costumes I've ever seen! :'''Bloom''': ''[She and Layla look down on their black long robes]'' Huh. :'''Mitzi''': Actually, I have an idea. I'd like you to stand next to me all night, 'cause those lame-o outfits will make mine look extra hot! :'''Stella''': ''[sarcastically]'' We'd be honored to stand next to you! :'''Mitzi''': Well, of course you would! ''[gasps]'' :''[The Winx reveal their fairy "costumes". Mitzi gasps loudly, shocked at how beautiful their costumes are]'' :'''The Winx''': Mm-hm. :''[The Male Party goer who spoke to Layla are amazed by their costumes. Al irritable elbows him hard]'' :'''Frankenstein Female Party goer''': I love your outfits! Where did you get them? :'''Flora''': Um... Online? :''[A female party goer consults Stella]'' :'''Female Party goer 1''': I'm the president of our school fashion club and I'd love for you to join! :'''Skeleton Female Party goer''': You've inspired me! I'm totally gonna be a fairy next Halloween! :''[Mitzi stands aside, arms folded and irritated. A female friend of hers with a blue mask approaches her]'' :'''Blue mask Friend''': Personally, I think they look tacky in those outfits. :'''Mitzi''': ''[angrily]'' Shut up! Their costumes are gorgeous but I'll still make sure their miserable before the night's over! ''[Mitzi nasally cackles]'' <hr width80%> :'''Elle''': Aren't these the girls who go to reform school? :'''Bloom''': What did you say?! :'''Elle''': Don't take offense. The [[truth]] is I would probably be in boarding school too if my [[father]] weren't rich, famous, and connected. <hr width80%> :'''Stella''': You can smell her perfume a mile away! She wears way too much fragrance, big faux pas. :'''Mitzi''': Faux pas you, loser! :'''Stella''': You know, you should thank me for telling you. <hr width80%> :'''Mitzi:''' That's gonna leave a stain. Permanently. :''(Bloom magically wipes the stain off her sparky Winx/Fairy top)'' :'''Bloom:''' Mitzi. Don't worry about it. The stain came right out. :'''Mitzi:''' Huh? ===Twinning with the Witches (Cinélume)/Exchange Students (4Kids)=== :''[the Winx are running through the halls of Cloud Tower, trying to think of a plan to stop the Trix from getting the Codex]'' :'''Musa''': Check this plan: We pretend we know where the Codex is then we go there and lay a trap and –- :'''Stella''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh great idea, Musa. ''[seriously]'' Icy isn't exactly an idiot, ya know! <hr width80%> :'''Stella:''' How are gonna stop them when they have that superpowered Gloomix thing? ===In the Heart of Cloudtower (Cinélume)/The Heart of Cloud Tower (4Kids)=== *The Winx Club fail in stopping the Trix sisters from getting the second fragment of the Codex. <hr width80%> :'''Stella:''' ''Ray of Light.'' <hr width80%> : '''Darcy:''' ''Perfect Darkness''. : '''Bloom:''' Ah! My eyes! <hr width=70%/> :'''Griffin:''' They must go back to Alfea to replenish their Winx. They must learn to work together and trust one another because Lord Darkar will be attacking Alfea next. ===The Spy in the Shadows (Cinélume)/Shadows in Bloom (4Kids)=== *Bloom sees her birth parents, King Oritel and Queen Miriam of Sparx, for first time, though in a vision. *The third piece of the Codex is taken by none other than Bloom who had been spelled by "Professor Avalon." <hr width80%> :'''Bloom:''' Oritel and Miriam. Hey, do you know who I am!? Whoa. The Dragon. <hr width80%> : '''Lord Darkar:''' It's so nice when the light finally sees the darkness. Go, my little puppet. <hr width80%> : '''Stella:''' Bloom, I'm sorry but you're asking for it! ''Solar Burst''. : '''Dark Bloom:''' Don't forget, Stella! I can fight fire with fire! <hr width80%> : '''Lockette:''' We're your friends, Bloom, and we love you. : '''Dark Bloom:''' Get away from Lockette! : '''Chatta:''' A bonded pixie's kiss can break almost any dark spell. <hr width=70%/> : '''Dark Bloom:''' Ha! You got nothing! I'm gonna enjoy wiping the floor with you guys! <hr width80%> ===Pixie Village (Cinélume)/The First Charmix (4Kids)=== *A secondary, evolved transformation for fairies' is revealed''':''' Charmix, a greater though temporary evolution of the standard Winx/Fairy form. <hr width80%> : '''Chatta:''' You got a Charmix, Bloom. Fairies get them when they get in tough with their true selves. : '''Bloom:''' It's filling me with some new kind of power. (''Everyone cheers'') <hr width80%> ===Danger in the Wildland (Cinélume)/Last Resorts (4Kids)=== *Stella earns her enhanced Charmix powers by apologizing to Layla. *Musa earns her greater Charmix powers by admitting to Riven that she really likes him. <hr width80%> : '''Stella:''' I like you Layla. I want us to be friends. Whoa. : '''Layla:''' you got your Charmix, Stella. <hr width=70%/> :'''Musa:''' Oh, and I do like you...a lot. See you around. : '''Riven:''' Huh? : '''Musa:''' Wow! I got a Charmix! ===Charmix Power (Cinélume)/Trouble in Paradise (4Kids)=== *Layla receives her enhanced Charmix abilities and spells due to strong desire to find her friends. *Tecna earns her greater Charmix powers for being honest with her feelings with Timmy, and showing it by crying tears. <hr width80%> : '''Layla:''' I miss my friends. No! I can't give up! I'll find them! Wow. I got my Charmix. <hr width70%> : '''Timmy:''' You got your Charmix, Tecna. ===The Time for Truth (Cinélume)/Darkness and Light (4Kids)=== *Bloom, Stella, Musa, Tecna and Layla receive Charmix training, with all of their stronger Charmix spells nonverbal. *Flora earns her Charmix by finally confessing her true romantic feelings to Helia. <hr width80%> : '''Griselda''' (''about the witch-goblin'')''':''' Your regular powers won't beat it. If you don't use your Charmix... : '''Bloom:''' Alright, girls! It's Charmix time! <hr width70%> : '''Flora:''' Ms. Faragonda, I not sure I can do this. I mean, I haven't even gotten my Charmix yet. : '''Faragonda:''' You're the Fairy of Nature. You can do this. Now I want you to try and save that flower. <hr width70%> : '''Flora:''' Helia! I really, really like you. : '''Helia:''' I love you, too. <hr width70%> : '''Chatta:''' You did it, Flora. : '''Flora:''' My Charmix! <hr width=70%/> : '''False Avalon:''' I found a new way to boost your powers. It's called the Empowerment Bubble. : '''Bloom:''' I'm feeling so much negative energy in here. What is this thing doing to my power? : '''False Avalon:''' It's taking all of your power and giving it me, Bloom. Isn't it marvelous? ===Darkar's Prisoner (Cinélume)/Desperately Seeking Bloom (4Kids)=== : '''False Avalon:''' What you going to do now that you got her, Darkar? Steal her power from her? : '''Lord Darkar:''' Actually, her power alone is useless to me. I need her because the Dragon Fire and the Shadow Fire must be united. It will take both parts of the Fire to enter the realm of Realix. Then we'll use her light and my darkness to take the Ultimate Power! Bloom, you're going to help take over the universe! You have no choice! <hr width=70%/> : '''Stella:''' Look, I'm in a tube-top dress, and it's ridiculously cold in here! So I'm going take care of this right! Go Charmix! (''Stella Charmix Transformation'') ''Solar Blast''. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' I am ''not'' like you! I'll never be evil! : '''Lord Darkar:''' That's what our friend over here said too. Avalon used to be a cloud spirit and now he's on my side. You will be on my side, too. : '''Bloom:''' I have a good heart! You can't turn it dark! : '''Lord Darkar:''' Cloud spirits are the purest beings. If I can convert a cloud spirit, I can change anyone. And that includes you, Bloom. <hr width=70%/> : '''Flora:''' Roots and vines, bind this creature! : '''Musa:''' ''Sonic Boost''. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' It doesn't matter what you do to me! My friends will stop you!! : '''Lord Darkar:''' You will destroy anyone who tries to stop us! So if they try, you will end up destroying them! There is nothing you can do, Bloom! Because as of right now, you belong to me! ===Face to Face with the Enemy (Cinélume)/Storming Shadowhaunt (4Kids)=== : '''Lord Darkar''' (''to Dark Bloom'')''':''' The time has come to activate the Codex, my beautiful. Hand in hand, we will seize the Ultimate Power. : '''Icy:''' My beautiful! I hate to interrupt your sweet little "together we will rule the universe" moment, but we got a little problem outside. : '''Stormy:''' The Winx girls and their boy toys have managed to fly a ship into the main cavern. : '''Darcy:''' While you're in here flirting with Bloom, they're out there turning your shadow monsters into a shooting gallery. : '''Lord Darkar:''' A minor annoyance. You three deal with it. : '''Icy:''' What about entering the realm of Realix together!? : '''Stormy:''' That's right! : '''Lord Darkar:''' Bloom and I need time to open the vortex. Go and lend all your Gloomix powers to my creatures, so they can crush the fairies. <hr width80%> : '''Darcy:''' I can't believe this! : '''Icy:''' He may need Bloom's power to open the gate to Realix! But once she does, we'll witch her up and remind Darkar who we are!! <hr width80%> :'''Darkar:''' We're almost ready, my dear Bloom. :'''Icy:''' Hey. L.D. :'''Darcy:''' You're not leaving are you? :'''Icy:''' You wouldn't leave without your main witches, would you? :'''Darkar:''' I only have one main witch now. And, no, I don't plan on leaving without her. :'''Stormy:''' What are you talking about!? :'''Darcy:''' You better not be suggesting what I think you're suggesting. :'''Icy:''' We have been running all over the realms for you, and now you're gonna ditch us for some nitwit little wannabee at the last minute? :'''Darkar:''' Bloom's my main witch now. As for you three, considers yourselves dumped. now it's just you and me, my sweet. <hr width80%> : '''Lord Darkar:''' To open the vortex, we must present light and darkness allied in together. The Codex doesn't know you turned to darkness. It only sees the light of the Dragon Fire within you. <hr width=70%/> : '''Lord Darkar:''' Yes! The gateway to Realix! When we step through there, we will be face-to-face with the Ultimate Power! And anyone who tries to follow us will have to deal with Curvok. Shall we? As they say, lightness before dark. <hr width=70%/> (''In their evolved Charmix forms'') : '''Flora:''' ''Blossom Blast''. : '''Musa:''' ''Sonic Boom''. Good one, Flo. Now let's catch up with Stella and Layla. ===The Phoenix Revealed (Cinélume)/The Ultimate Power Couple (4Kids)=== *This is the final time Charmix is used by any of the Winx Club fairies. * The only appearance of the Mega-Trix (the amalgamation of all three witch sisters) <hr width80%> : '''Lord Darkar:''' Here we are, you and me, the Ultimate Power couple. <hr width80%> :(''Stella and Layla enter Realix through the portal'') : '''Stella:''' ''Solar Burst''. : '''Layla:''' ''Ocean Blast''. Whoa. Look at Bloom. : '''Stella:''' He must have put a dark spell on her. <hr width80%> : '''Lord Darkar:''' You keep chanting, Bloom. I'll destroy them <hr width80%> : '''Layla:''' Bloom, it's us. : '''Stella:''' Darkar put a spell on you, Bloom. : '''Lord Darkar:''' You got that right. And the spell is unbreakable. : '''Stella:''' In that case, we're gonna have to make you undo it! : '''Lord Darkar:''' I'm sorry, but I think darkness suits your friend rather well. <hr width70%> :(''Layla and Stella transform into their evolved Charmix forms'') : '''Stella:''' Let's use our Charmix. Come on! ''Solar Eclipse Blast''. : '''Layla:''' ''Aquarius Current''. : '''Layla and Stella:''' Now! Together! :(''Fire concentrated beams of magical sunlight and watery energy at Darkar'') <hr width80%> :'''Stella:''' I guess we got him. :'''Layla:''' So what are gonna do about Bloom? <hr width80%> :'''Flora:''' What do we do if she actually beats him? :'''Tecna:''' If either of them gain complete control of the Ultimate Power, there will be no way to stop them. <hr width70%> : '''Lord Darkar:''' Wait for me, my dear! The power is ours! : '''Stella and Layla:''' No! : '''Lord Darkar:''' And now Bloom with hand it over to me and I will rule all the realms! <hr width=70%/> : '''Sky:''' If I can talk to her, maybe she'll listen and I can reach beyond the spell. : '''Brandon:''' Sky? :'''Lord Darkar''': What are you going to do, ask her to the prom? Sorry, she's busy! :'''Sky:''' Bloom! :'''Lord Darkar''': Give me the power now, Bloom! :'''Sky''': Wait, Bloom, try to listen to my voice. It's me- your boyfriend. :'''Dark Bloom:''' Huh? :'''Sky:''' Darkar put you under a spell. :'''Dark Bloom:''' Huh? :'''Sky:''' This is not who you are. You're not evil. You may not be able to see it now Bloom, but you have a true heart. :'''Lord Darkar''': He doesn't know anything! :'''Sky''': I know what your heart is like! I've felt it. Your heart is full of light, Bloom. Your heart is so pure and good, that it saved me. You didn't let me go and I'm not gonna let you go. So you have to fight this Bloom! You have to break free! You have to come back, because I...love you! <hr width70%> : '''Layla:''' Whoa. : '''Stella:''' How did she do it? : '''Flora:''' She used the power in her heart to fight the darkness. : '''Timmy:''' I can feel it. <hr width=70%/> : '''Lord Darkar:''' NO! ''What did you do to it!?'' : '''Bloom:''' I gave it back. The Ultimate Power is staying in Realix, where it belongs. <hr width=70%/> : '''Stella:''' It's gonna take all six of us giving it everything we have. : '''Layla:''' We'll use our Charmix. : '''Bloom:''' The power of six Charmix converging at once. <hr width80%> :(''All six Charmix fairies focus their unusually strong magic into one single attack'') :'''Winx Club:''' Winx Club, Charmix Convergence!! :'''Darkar:''' NO!! This can't happening!! NO!! NOOO!!! (''Vanishes into oblivion from the combined force of the Winx Club'') <hr width80%> :'''Icy (''Inside the Mega-Trix form''):''' That idiot fairy gave the Ultimate Power back!! ''I hate her more than ever!!'' <hr width=50%/> :''[Bloom is standing at the top of stairs and Sky goes towards her and Bloom is with Kiko]'' :'''Bloom''': Hey, Sky, I am glad you found me! We need to talk about what happened in Realix. :'''Sky''': So, you don't remember what I said to you. :'''Bloom''': Of course, I remember. What you said to me was totally sweet. :'''Sky''': So you liked what I said to you, using the L word and all? :'''Bloom''': I [[love]] you too, Sky. :''[They kiss]'' ==Cast== ===Cinélume=== *Helena Evangeliou as Bloom *Jennifer Seguin as Stella *Holly Gauthier-Frankel as Flora *Sarah McCullough as Musa, Stormy, Zing, Matlin *Lezlie Karls as Tecna (Episodes 1-5) *Jodie Resther as Tecna (Episode 6 onward), Daphne *Lucinda Davis as Layla, Digit *Harry Standjofski as Darkar *Eleanor Noble as Icy *Carrie Finley as Darcy *Danny Brochu as Sky *Mark Hauser as Brandon *Michael Yarmush as Timmy *Mitchell Rothpan as Riven *Martin Watier as Helia *Susan Glover as Griselda *Mary Smith as Amore === 4Kids === *Liza Jacquline as Bloom *Caren Manuel as Stella and Darcy *Lisa Adams as Stella (stand-in) *Kerry Williams as Flora, Francine, Amore *Lisa Ortiz as Musa, Icy, Digit, Mitzi, Matlin *Dani Schaffel as Tecna *Vashthy Mompoint as Layla *Jason Griffith as Darkar *Suzy Myers as Stormy *Dan Green as Sky *Greg Abbey as Brandon *Michael Sinterniklaas as Riven *Sebastian Arcelus as Timmy and Palladium *Pete Zarustica as Kiko and Wizgiz * Rachael Lillis as Faragonda, Barbatea, DuFour, Amaryl, Ortensia, Priscilla, Lucy, Ediltrude * Carol Jacobanis as Griffin * Michael Alston as Saladin * Marc Thompson as Knut, Avalon * Erica Schroeder as Daphne, Piff * Su Meredith as Griselda * Kayzie Rogers as Vanessa * Stuart Zagnit as Mike * Veronica Taylor as Alice, Diaspro, and Zarathustra * Amy Palant as Mirta * Wayne Grayson as Jared * Priscilla Everett as Amentia [[Category:Winx Club seasons]] 31l3uj79iuqa0nlmzavis73zoorzdcr 0 213038 3778980 3603686 2025-07-15T02:06:14Z 2601:84:C903:B4E0:CCD7:7A38:B89E:B671 /* The Perfect Dress */ 3778980 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Seasons:''' [[Winx Club (season 1)|1]] [[Winx Club (season 2)|2]] [[Winx Club (season 3)|3]] [[Winx Club (season 4)|4]] [[Winx Club (season 5)|5]] [[Winx Club (season 6)|6]] [[Winx Club (season 7)|7]] | [[Winx Club|Main]] ---- '''''[[w:Winx Club|Winx Club]]''''' is an animated television series created by [[w:Iginio Straffi|Iginio Straffi]] and animated by [[w:Rainbow (company)|Rainbow SpA]], in co-production with [[w:Nickelodeon|Nickelodeon]] (Seasons 5 and 6) and [[w:Rai Fiction|Rai Fiction]]. ===The Princess' Ball/The Princess Ball/The Perfect Dress=== :'''Stella''': I'll take this one to Mom's, that one to Dad's... no, wait, I need the blue top for Mom's picnic. But then I should have the red dress for Dad's royal parade. :'''Amore''': The red dress is really beautiful, Stella. :'''Stella''': True. I should probably wear it to Mom's garden tea party. Do you know any cloning spells? :'''Amore''': Uh... nuh-uh. <hr width80%> :'''Musa:''' I'm gettin' my hair spelled. <hr width80%> :'''Aisha:''' Hey, girls! So, how'd it go? :'''Stella:''' Fine. Musa, what did you do to your hair? :'''Musa:''' A little change of style. :'''Stella:''' Very nice! And I just updated my wardrobe with a new dress! :'''Musa:''' Can we see it? ===Beauty Is a Beast=== :'''Bloom:''' I ask you to show me my birth parents, Oritel and Miriam. Show me what happened them. Sparx! That's when the Coven destroyed my planet. Oritel and Miriam. :'''Stella:''' Don't cry, sweetie. Oritel and Miriam were standing there, which must mean they're still alive. :'''Bloom:''' Do you really think that's what it means? :'''Stella:''' You asked the room to show what happened to them. So it must mean that they're out there somewhere. <hr width80%> :'''Chimera''': ''Your days as your father's little angel are over. By the power of Valtor, change. Transmit, transform, transmute!'' :(''casts the dark spell to turn Stella into a monster'') :'''Cassandra''': Radius, this monster is not your daughter. Listen to my voice, this monster is not your daughter, now do as I say. <hr width="50%" /> :'''Stella''': Tell the guards who I am! :'''Bloom''': Hey, this is Princess Stella! :'''Chimera''': That hideous monstrosity? That can't be Princess Stella. <hr width="50%" /> :'''Musa''': I have the feeling were not gonna be invited to the next party! :'''Bloom''': We'll be happy if we just get out of here in one piece. :'''Stella''': Hey! ''[Flora screams]'' Oh no, I'm so ugly I even scare my own friends! :'''Flora''': I'm sorry, Stella, I didn't mean to scream. Come here, sweetie! <hr width="50%" /> :'''Flora''': Since there's no hip-hop in this palace, how about rap? Ivy rap, that is. <hr width="50%" /> :'''Guard 1''': Get the monster! :'''Bloom''': That's not a monster, it's Princess Stella! :'''Guard 2''': She's lying. Our princess could never look that hideous. :'''Guard 1''': He's right! Get her! ===Pretty, Pretty Princess=== :'''Musa''': Wow, this rain, it's like anti-magic. :'''Tecna''': It weakened our spells and strength but luckily, we still have enough Winx left to save Stella. :'''Stella''': The way I look, I probably be better off if you hadn't. :'''Bloom''': We'll get you changed back, Stella, but in the meantime, I think you're kind of cuddly. :'''Flora''': Yeah, kind of like a cross between a frog and a bear or on second thought, maybe a dragon. :'''Stella''': I'm green, I'm hideous, and I'm giving a whole new meaning of the term, bloated! :'''Bloom''': It's a spell. We'll figure out a way to break it. <hr width="50%" /> :'''Bloom''': Hold on, are we forgetting something? :'''Musa''': Narrow passageway, plus-size fairy? Not good. :'''Stella''': Plus-size fairy?! That's not very nice! :'''Bloom''': We got you, Stella! :'''Musa''': And I didn't mean anything by calling you plus-size. :'''Stella''': Musa, you're too concern with your figure. <hr width="50%" /> :'''Bloom''': The leeches are gone! Thanks, Stella, you saved us! :'''Stella''': Hey, I might not be pretty, but I'm still tough! <hr width="50%" /> :'''Brandon''': Hey there, beautiful! :'''Stella''': Way to go, inner self! You got it going on! :'''Brandon''': Say what? :'''Stella''': Come on! ===The Mirror of Truth=== : '''Faragonda:''' Sophomores have be able to achieve their Charmix. This year, you must acquire your Enchantix. This is your final fairy form, which will give you access to far greater powers; such as fairy dust and miniaturization. The test will find you at a critical moment in time. You must rescue someone from your own world. This the only way you can earn your Enchantix. And the only way for you to protect your worlds from evil and destruction. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' Rescue someone from my own world? But everyone on Sparx disappeared a long time ago. Unless Oritel and Miriam are still alive, then no one from my world is left. And I'll never get my Enchantix. <hr width=70%/> :'''Brandon''': Stella... :'''Stella''': You don't understand! :'''Brandon''': I do! :'''Stella''': You see me as my old self because of Flora's spell! :'''Brandon''': Stella, maybe this isn't the best time to tell you this, but I can see what you look like. :'''Stella''': Hmm? But how is that possible? :'''Brandon''': Flora's illusion spell wore off back on the ship. :'''Stella''': And you can still look at me even though I look like a hideous monster? :'''Brandon''': You're still the same beautiful person inside. You still have the same heart, Stella. Girls, tell her what you see when you look at her. :'''Tecna''': I see a totally honest person, who always says what's on her mind. :'''Flora''': Is cheerful and upbeat and fun. :'''Musa''': A kind of crazy fairy that makes me laugh. :'''Bloom''': And I see a best friend forever. :'''Stella''': Do you really think all that about me? I always thought people just thought I was pretty. ===Mission to Tides=== :'''Bloom:''' Every time you mention Baltor's name, I have these visions. Weird visions of Sparx. And what's even weirder is that I see things I couldn't have seen 'cause I was just a baby. And then everything starts racing through my head until it all goes to black!! <hr width80%> :'''Icy:''' This new power Baltor gave me is cool. :'''Darcy:''' Baltor gave you a new power? :'''Stormy''': We know she's his favorite. But don't worry: she'll mess it up just like she always does. :'''Icy''': Spoken like a real witch, but true, although perhaps Baltor will be different. Nah. Eventually he'll disappoint me, but in the meantime, it could be fun. <hr width=70%/> :'''Baltor:''' Let's see if what they say is true. So it is you, the lost heiress to the throne of Sparx. <hr width=70%/> : '''Stormy:''' I can't wait to crush those fairies. : '''Baltor:''' Yes, go. Just make sure to leave Bloom out for me. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' You think you'd understand the balance of power by now, Icy! Whenever you face us, you lose! <hr width=70%/> : '''Baltor:''' Don't worry, Bloom. I don't want to harm you. I just wanted to see you face-to-face. : '''Bloom:''' You're destroying all of Tides, you've turned wondrous mermaids into horrible monsters! what is it you want, Baltor? What are you after? : '''Baltor:''' I just what belonged to me a long time ago. And I'm here as an old and forgotten courtesy to warn you to say out of my way. : '''Bloom:''' What do you mean by an old courtesy? : '''Baltor:''' You and I share a common past, Bloom. A shared history; something you're far too young to remember. ===The Mermaid Queen=== *Layla achieves her Enchantix form and greater water-controlling powers by sacrificing herself for her aunt, Queen Leshia. <hr width80%> :'''Bloom:''' I don't know if my fire spells will work underwater. <hr width80%> : '''Bloom:''' It's Layla's Enchantix. : '''Musa:''' It's beautiful. : '''Flora:''' It's totally amazing. : '''Bloom:''' Congratulations, Layla. Your sacrifice for Queen Leshia earned you your Enchantix powers. : '''Layla:''' So what? : '''Bloom:''' what do you mean "so what?" : '''Layla:''' I still can't see, Bloom. Everything is still dark. ===Royal Behavior=== : '''Faragonda:''' What happened to your friend is both terrible and wonderful. A dark spell has taken her sight. However, Layla was able to achieve her final fairy form. She now has Enchantix powers and that means she is strong enough to break Baltor's spell by herself. There is healing energy in the fairy dust on your new wings. If you concentrate hard, you be able to release it. Feel it all around you, dear. You don't need your eyes to see it. : '''Layla:''' I can see! I can see! : '''Faragonda:''' Fairy dust upon the wings of an Enchantix is one of strongest healing elements in the magical universe. <hr width=70%/> : '''Faragonda:''' There are things you must know about Baltor. things that connect him to you. : '''Bloom:''' Baltor said something like that on Tides, but I didn't know what he was talking about. : '''Faragonda:''' This book will explain to you what happened. What you see here is the Company of Light, a group of noble warriors who fought the three Ancient Witches. : '''Bloom:''' Baltor was with the Ancient Witches? : '''Faragonda:''' Yes. They are the ones who created him. At the beginning of the magical universe, when the Great Dragon was born, a tiny spark of its Fire fell into the darkness. The witches' took that dark ember and used it to create him. Now, the Company of Light was founded by your birth parents, Oritel and Miriam. <hr width80%> :'''Bloom:''' But if nobody really knows what happened to them, do you think it's possible they could be...? :'''Faragonda:''' What, dear? :'''Bloom:''' Well, that my parents could still be alive somewhere? :'''Faragonda:''' Bloom, I can't tell you. Nobody can. :'''Bloom:''' Nobody but Baltor! He's the last one saw my parents! He knows the answer! :'''Faragonda:''' Bloom, you must be very careful! Baltor is a vengeful creature, and if he finds out who you are he's going to try to destroy you! ===Dark Sky=== *Stella earns her Enchantix form and powers by saving her father King Radius from a dragon. <hr width80%> : '''Layla:''' Whoa! My Enchantix power has made this rubber glue spell a thousand times stronger. If I were you guys, I'd stop firing right now. <hr width=70%/> : '''Baltor:''' Bloom's heart is hurting. This loss will make her weak, which is exactly how I want her. ===Operation: Boyfriend Rescue=== :'''Stella''': ''[trying to figure out if she should call Brandon]'' On the one hand, he has a lot to do on Erakylon, but I am not the type of girl you don't check in on. Never have been, never will be, don't wanna be. <hr width="50%" /> :'''Riven''': How about operation let the dude choose, I mean your all assuming Sky wants to be rescued? :'''Bloom''': How could you say that!?! <hr width=70%/> : Stella: It's gonna be the end all right, but not for us! (''Transforms into her Enchantix form'') ''Shower of Light''. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' I don't want to fight you, Sky, I just want to talk to you. Then if you really want, I'll get out of your life for good. : '''Sky:''' You'll get out of it right now! : '''Stella:''' Hey, have it! :(''Blasts him with solar energy, revealing an all too familiar mark on his left forearm'') :'''Stella:''' That's Baltor's mark. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' Somehow, Baltor must have met up with Diaspro. And that goblet she gave him must have been his potion. : '''Musa:''' That's gonna be a strong spell, but maybe fairy dust can break it. : '''Stella:''' Coming right up. ===Attack of the Zombie Witches=== *Musa earns her Enchantix by refusing to leave Princess Galatea of Melody (the Harmonic Realm) behind. <hr width80%> : '''Musa:''' ''No!'' Never! ''I am not leaving you!!'' <hr width70%> : '''Princess Galatea:''' Oh, Musa. You've got your Enchantix. : '''Musa:''' Cool! Maybe I can stop this fire. And since it was dark magic that took your wings, some fairy dust should bring them back, too. ===Missing in Action=== : '''Flora:''' The trees were too scared, so they turned away. : '''Bloom:''' The trees were scared of Baltor? <hr width=70%/> (''Seeing Ms. Faragonda one with an oak tree'') : '''Bloom:''' Oh no. Ms. Faragonda. : '''Stella:''' Trans-combined with a tree? : '''Bloom:''' We have to do something! Especially for everything Ms. F's done for us. I only made this far as a fairy because of you. : '''Musa:''' Ms. Faragonda, I don't know if you can hear me. But trust me. We're gonna save you. ===Tears of the Black Willow=== *Flora achieves her Enchantix powers by saving her younger sister Rose (Miele). <hr width80%> : '''Flora:''' Everybody, this is my sister Rose. <hr width70%> : '''Stella:''' Welcome to the Enchantix squad, Musa. : '''Musa:''' I love my new wings. : '''Layla:''' Can you feel just how powerful is in them? <hr width70%> :'''Rose:''' Your friends are really brave. <hr width70%> :'''Bloom:''' Did you hear that, Tecna? :'''Tecna:''' Let's not try to disappoint her. :(''Fires a ray of virtual energy'') <hr width70%> : '''Stormy:''' Say goodbye, goody-goody! : '''Rose:''' No! :(''Takes the blast that was meant for her elder sister'') : '''Flora:''' Rose! ''That was my sister!'' <hr width70%> : '''Flora:''' Miele, why didn't you go back home?/Why didn't you go back home, Rose? : '''Miele/Rose:''' I just wanted to see what would happen./I just wanted to be brave. : '''Flora:''' I love you, my little blossom.../I'm not going to make it, sweetie. : '''Miele/Rose:''' Wait! Flora! : '''Flora:''' Bubble, bring her up!/Bubble, bring her to the surface. : '''Miele/Rose:''' FLORA, NOOOOOOO!!!!!! <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' Rose! What happened? Where's Flora? : '''Rose:''' She saved me. <hr width70%> : '''Layla:''' Congratulations, Flora. You got your Enchantix powers. : '''Rose:''' Thanks for saving me, Flora. : '''Flora:''' Hey, you saved me first. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' You three, stop misbehaving or we may have to spank you! ===Point of No Return=== *Tecna achieves her Enchantix powers due her self-sacrifice in closing the Omega portal and saving the realm of Tides, even it means of her being trapped in there. * When Bloom is screaming for Tecna, a closeup of her horrified face shows the makeup of her Enchantix attire, even though she has not yet achieved it. <hr width80%> : '''Flora:''' ''Ivy Rescue Vine''. :(''Stops Stella's fall'') <hr width=70%/> : '''Tecna:''' I can do this! : '''Flora:''' No, Tecna! Don't go in there! : '''Bloom:''' Tecna!! <hr width=70%/> : '''Layla:''' Let go! she can't risk her life for my planet! : '''Tibok:''' If she has chosen to go forward, you must let her do it. Perhaps she will be the one to close the gate. Perhaps this act of sacrifice is her destiny. <hr width=70%/> :(''Tecna has just achieved her Enchantix form and far stronger technology/data-based powers'') : '''Musa:''' What's she gonna do with the fairy dust? : '''Bloom:''' She's using it to force her way inside the portal!! <hr width=70%/> : '''Baltor:''' I must say, those fairies are certainly not afraid of sacrifice. : '''Stormy:''' Yeah, and they're lucky, too. They survived the Omega gate. : '''Darcy:''' Well, all but Tecna. : '''Icy:''' Which means there are only five fairies left for us to finish off. ===Payback!=== * The Nickelodeon title for this episode is "Revenge!" * Bloom is now the only Winx Club member who remains in her standard Winx/Fairy form. <hr width70%> : '''Flora:''' Tecna was a great fairy. : '''Layla:''' And she saved the entire realm of Tides with her sacrifice. : '''Timmy:''' Tecna's not gone! She's just trapped! : '''Riven:''' Tecna's disappeared inside the Omega portal! : '''Musa:''' And the gate closed forever, Timmy. <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' The Winx Club was the six of us together. It's just not the same without Tecna. : '''Musa:''' Maybe we should end it, like disband the group. : '''Stella:''' I hate to say it, but I agree. :'''Layla:''' It's the right thing. <hr width70%> :'''Bloom:''' It's over, Baltor!! :(''Baltor strikes Musa and Flora with his evil magic'') : '''Bloom:''' ''Dragon Fury'' : '''Baltor:''' Your powers are strong, Bloom, just like your mother's. : '''Bloom:''' What?! : '''Baltor:''' Miriam, the queen of planet Sparx. : '''Bloom:''' My mother? What do ''you'' know about her!? : '''Baltor:''' I defeated her. :<hr width=70%/> : '''Baltor:''' Your birth parents, Oritel and Miriam, were the leaders of the Company of Light. A bunch of do-good-er warriors who fought to save the magical dimension. : '''Musa:''' ''Base Boom''. : '''Baltor:''' I recently visited a planet whose magic was all about silence. Let me show you one of the strong spells I took from them. :(''Traps Musa in a soundproof bubble'') : '''Flora:''' ''Ivy Vine Wrap''. : '''Baltor:''' And for you, some magic of the cave dwellers of the Under Realm. They like total darkness. Flowers can't survive long without light, right? <hr width70%> : '''Baltor:''' So do you want to fight or do you want to hear about your parents, Bloom? : '''Bloom:''' I'm listening. : '''Baltor:''' I met Oritel and Miriam when I was a young wizard. I was the one who faced them in their final battle. First I trapped Miriam with a spell I learned from the dwellers of the dark dimension. Of course, King Oritel came to rescue her as I knew he would. Your birth father was very powerful. I could never have defeated him unless he lowered his guard to save your mother. While he used his magic to save his beloved, I used mine to send them both to Oblivion. And that's how it ended for your birth parents, Oritel and Miriam, the great king and queen of planet Sparx. I'm so glad we could share that story. :(''a furious Bloom is overflowing with Dragon Fire energy'') : '''Bloom:''' ''Why you!!'' : '''Baltor:''' Come on! Show me what you've got! Do it for Sparx! Do it for your parents! : (''A thoroughly enraged Bloom releases a tremendous amount of Dragon Fire energy'') :'''Baltor:''' ''Oposotius''. And so goes the last survivor of the planet Sparx. Destroyed by her own magic. <hr width=70%/> : '''Stella:''' This calls for some fairy dust. : '''Griffin:''' I see you made progress. I remember when Faragonda first got her Enchantix. All my best spells became useless against her. <hr width80%> :'''Faragonda:''' Stella, get us out of here! :'''Bloom:''' NO!! we have to beat him! For Tecna and for Miriam and Oritel!! :'''Faragonda:''' I'm sorry, Bloom, but not today. <hr width80%> :'''Faragonda:''' There is just one place you can go to become stronger, Bloom. It is called Pyros, also known as the Island of Dragons. The power you can get there is great, but the dangers are severe. :'''Bloom:''' I don't care! Baltor destroyed my parents and took Tecna! If will help me beat him, then I'll do it. <hr width80%> :'''Baltor:''' I cannot allow the heir to the throne of Sparx to survive! :'''Icy:''' How about we just go get Bloom for you? :'''Darcy:''' Yeah. We'll wait till she's away from her friends. :'''Baltor:''' Good. Go and bring her here, then we'll destroy her together. ===The Island of Dragons=== *Bloom has a vision of her ghostly elder sister Daphne. <hr width80%> : '''Daphne:''' Bloom. Bloom. : '''Bloom:''' Daphne? : '''Daphne:''' You must find your inner dragon. : '''Bloom:''' My inner dragon? What dragon? : '''Daphne:''' Your dragon. <hr width=70%/> : '''Layla:''' ''Enchanted Morfix''. : '''Guard:''' I don't like stepping stuff, and I don't like pink! ===The Power Within=== *The Nickelodeon title is "Building Hope." *Bloom earns her immense Enchantix by "being fearless and open to her powers". However, it dangerously incomplete as she did not earn it via bravery and self-sacrifice but rather through sheer willpower. In the Nickelodeon version, she earns it by refusing to let Baltor win. <hr width80%> :'''Baltor:''' I don't know how, but Tecna has managed to communicate from the Omega Dimension. :'''Icy:''' But that's impossible. :'''Baltor:''' And now they're going to get a rescue party together, fly there and bring her back to Alfea. :'''Icy:''' And do you want us to ruin their party? :'''Baltor:''' No. What I want you to do is go deal with Bloom. :'''Stormy:''' I am totally game for that. :'''Icy:''' I'm always game for messin' up Bloom. :'''Baltor:''' Bloom is strengthening her already impressive powers. She's training on an island called Pyros. :'''Icy:''' I'm guessing you want us to mess up Bloom's little island vacation? <hr width80%> : '''Bloom:''' My name is Bloom and I came to Pyros to get stronger. And so far, I found my inner dragon, and that's good and all. But I'm still not strong enough and I don't what else to do to make that happen. : '''Maya:''' If you want to get stronger, you must open your heart and your mind. I can see that the universe has given you a mission. You are destined to battle an evil force. You possess plenty of power to destroy it. : '''Bloom:''' You can really see all that? : '''Maya:''' I see it clearly. <hr width=70%/> : '''Maya:''' You want to ask me about your Enchantix? : '''Bloom:''' Yes. Even though there's no one left from my realm, is it still possible for me to earn it? : '''Maya:''' Many things are possible on Pyros that are not possible elsewhere. For you to achieve your goal, Bloom, you must let go of your fear. : '''Bloom:''' Is losing all your fear really possible? <hr width=70%/> : '''Musa:''' ''Sound Wave Attack''. : '''Stella:''' Can't have sound without light. ''Sunbeam Shower''. <hr width=70%/> : '''Maya:''' I have something for you. Here. Take this, so you can always remember the lessons you leaned on Pyros. : '''Bloom:''' That's so pretty. What's in it? : '''Maya:''' Every magical place and every magical being has a unique essence. And this contains the essence of Pyros. And now I'm going to help you let go of fear and believe in your ability to get what you want. Sit. When you do these things, you'll understand your true essence. And that's how you get stronger. : '''Bloom:''' I feel like I'm getting there, I just wish I had my Enchantix. : '''Maya:''' I believe that it's within you. I believe that you can find your Enchantix if you truly set your mind to it. <hr width70%> :(''Bloom breaks out of the ice cube'') : '''Darcy:''' Whoa! She got stronger. : '''Icy:''' It seems like our little friend learned a new trick or two at Loser Bootcamp. <hr width70%> : '''Icy:''' Just so you know, after we capture you, we're bringing you back to Baltor: : '''Bloom''' (''thinking'')''':''' Baltor! I've had ''enough'' of Baltor! I believe. I believe I have the power in me. ''I'm gonna use it to stop Baltor! And it's starting right here, right now with these witches!'' :(''Starts overflowing with great mystical energy'') :'''Bloom:'''I am fearless and open to my powers! :(''transforms into her Enchantix form for the first time'') :'''Bloom:''' ''Enchanted Sphere''. :(''Encases the Trix sisters inside an orb of Dragon Fire'') :'''Bloom:''' This is my island, witches! <hr width70%> :'''Maya:''' I knew you had it in you. : '''Bloom:''' Did you see that, Maya? I believed that I could do it, and I got my Enchantix. : '''Maya:''' Yes you did. You found your inner dragon, and now you've unlocked your deepest source of power. And for that, you should be very proud of yourself. You came to Pyros looking for more strength. But because of your courage, what you ended up finding was even bigger than any magical power you could ever have. Listen. You are finding yourself and there is nothing more powerful than that. Now go back to Alfea and put your gift to good use. ===The Omega Mission=== *Bloom was unable to transform at first, due to her Enchantix being dangerously incomplete. <hr width80%> : '''Bloom:''' I was able to grow so much, and I got way more in touch with my powers, but... : '''Griselda:''' There's always a "but." : '''Bloom:''' I don't understand how I got my Enchantix without saving anybody from my realm. : '''Faragonda:''' You've became a rare exception to the rules of fairies, a very rare exception. On Pyros, you used all of your willpower. And your belief in yourself was powerful that it simply transformed you. It's as if you willed yourself into an Enchantix. :'''Griselda:''' Very impressive. :'''Bloom:''' Thanks a lot. <hr width70%> :''[Bloom and Sky are on the bench]'' :'''Sky''': I didn't go to the omega dimension prison has dead prisoners because I was put under active control at Red fountain, but when I heard you were back I asked Codatorta to escort me special permission. :'''Bloom''': And cause you were so nice he said yes? :'''Sky''': Exactly yeah. :''[They hug]'' :'''Bloom''': Who told you I was back from pyros. :'''Sky''': That's confidential Imfornation bloom sorry. :''[Amore comes out from behind the bench]'' :'''Amore''': I told himbecause of true love. :''[Bloom and Sky leave each other and blush]'' :'''Chatta''': Amore! :'''Amore''': What, what's wrong with what I said? :'''Tune''': Look! You made them both blush! <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' I wish I could go with you, Tecna, but I haven't been able to transform since I got back from Pyros. :'''Tecna:''' Then we'll walk. <hr width70%> :'''Tecna:''' What are you doing, Bloom? You can't transform. :'''Bloom:''' I'm gonna have to. <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' Musa's fairy dust must have fixed whatever was keeping me from transforming. So what do you say we take this snake out, get our guys, and head for home? <hr width80%> :'''Stella:''' I think your new mega dragon attack finished him off. :'''Musa:''' Alright! Way to go, Bloom. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' Wait a second. It's not over yet. : '''Layla:''' What are you talking about, Bloom? : '''Musa:''' That snake is history : '''Bloom:''' No it's not, you guys. When my dragon form collided with it, we formed a kind of instant connection. And now it's speaking to me or as long as I'm hearing what it's thinking. : '''Flora:'''And what is it telling you, Bloom? : '''Bloom:''' It's telling that is the ice snake's purpose to keep all things imprisoned. And since its part of the Omega Dimension itself, Is impossible to destroy. ===Day at the Museum=== : '''Bloom:''' ''Dragon Energy''. : '''Tecna:''' A logical strategy. Increasing the air friction around the creature should slow it down. : '''Layla:''' She's losing control. : '''Flora:''' Griselda, you have to do something! : '''Faragonda:''' Not just yet. Give her a second. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' Did I do it? : '''Faragonda:''' You successfully repelled the negotiator, yes. But your magic was out of control. Bloom, I'm not going to lie to you. Your Enchantix power is dangerously incomplete. The others have a power that was born out of sacrifice. But your Enchantix was created by pure force of will. It's not the same thing at all. : '''Bloom:''' All that I really care about, Ms. F, is that my power works against Baltor. And it should do that, don't you think? : '''Faragonda:''' I'm not sure how your power will work. And speaking of Baltor, he's disappeared. : '''Bloom:''' What do you mean? I thought he was a Cloud Tower. : '''Faragonda:''' He escaped. But on the plus side, Cloud Tower is safe again. : '''Bloom:''' That's great. But...Baltor is the only one who knows what happened to my birth parents, Oritel and Miriam. So I have to find him and make him tell me. <hr width=70%/> : '''Baltor:''' Well, look at you. Enchantix and Dragon Fire together. Finally, a decent challenge. : '''Bloom:''' Come and get me, Baltor! The protection glass is magic-proof. Your spells won't go through it!! : '''Baltor:''' Yes, but they will go around it. :(''Throws a ball of fire, but Bloom's orange fairy dust purifies it'') <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' The Dragon Fire and the Enchantix aren't what's going to beat you Baltor. It's six Enchantix together! <hr width70%> : '''Baltor:''' Bloom, someday I'll get that little fairy dust pendant right from your neck and add it to my collection of trinkets. But I'm afraid I'm going to fight all of you today. Just ''you!!'' ===Biker Wedding Crashers=== : '''Stella:''' Stop right there! As long as I'm around, you'll never become the queen of Solaria! : '''Cassandra''': Stella! : '''Stella:''' People of Solaria, this monster and her wannabee daughter have bewitched your king! : '''Cassandra:''' Don't listen to her! She's lying! <hr width70%> : '''Stella:''' No! Daddy! : '''Chimera:''' Daddy can't hear you. : '''Stella:''' Can you not take a hint!!? <hr width70%> : '''King Radius:''' Who are you? : '''Stella:''' I'm your daughter, Daddy. Your Stella. Don't you remember? You used to call me Stella-my-Bella and my little ray of sunshine. : '''King Radius:''' I don't recall. : '''Stella:''' Stupid, Baltor! No way is he taking my father away from me!! Fairy dust!! ===The Golden Kingdom=== : '''Musa:''' See what you think of this. ''Sound Cage''. :(''Bloom is encased in a dome of sound, but easily overwhelms it with a mighty burst of Dragon Fire energy'') :'''Musa:''' Man, I channeled all my Winx into that attack. : '''Flora:''' OK. Guess I'm up next. Don't take this personally. <hr width=70%/> : '''Lockette:''' You leave Bloom alone. : '''Stella:''' Don't worry. We're not really fighting. : '''Bloom:''' Yeah. Since Baltor and I both get our power from the Dragon Fire, we figured that we found a way to beat my power, we can use to beat his. But so far, no luck. <hr width=70%/> : '''Tecna:''' I've got it! I know how to defeat the Dragon Fire! According to the book, at the beginning of the magical universe when the Great Dragon was born, another opposite force was created as well. This opposite force was contained in Water Stars. : '''Amore:''' But, Tecna, Water Stars don't exist anymore. : '''Tecna:''' In this dimension they don't. : '''Bloom:''' What do you mean by that? :'''Tecna:''' Because they're naturally opposed to each other, the Dragon Fire and Water Stars couldn't exist in the same dimension. So the Ancient Wizards came together and opened a portal to seal them off from our dimension. : '''Bloom:''' Where are they now? : '''Tecna:''' In the Golden Kingdom. <hr width=70%/> : '''Icy:''' I felt something really gross, like the way a sunset feels. : '''Baltor:''' It was a wave of positive energy. And there's only one place it could've come from- the Golden Kingdom. Show me the Red Tower! So they have gone to the Golden Kingdom. For Water Stars. Here! Take this and destroy Bloom now. That's my girl. : '''Darcy:''' Icy's your girl? : '''Baltor:''' You're all my girls! Now go! ===The Crystal Labyrinth=== : '''Sky:''' Looks like some kind of ancient language. Can any of you guys read it? : '''Bloom:''' It says "only those who are pure of heart may enter." <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' I have an idea. Since our fairy dust is anti-darkness, I bet if we spray it on ourselves it should remove all traces of darkness from us. : '''Stella:''' What darkness? : '''Timmy:''' Everybody's got some kind of darkness. Like vanity. : '''Stella:''' Oh. <hr width70%> : '''Musa:''' We're miniaturizing. : '''Tecna:''' I guess the time was right. : '''Bloom:''' I couldn't do it. Since my Enchantix wasn't earned the same way as yours, Ms. Faragonda said it may have limitations. But I want you girls to on ahead. We need the Water Stars. They're our only hope to stop Baltor. <hr width=70%/> : '''Icy:''' Looks like it's just you and me, Bloom. : '''Bloom:''' You don't have a chance, Icy! : '''Icy:''' 'Cause of your big bad Enchantix powers? well, Baltor wanted me to give you ''this!'' Anti-dark dust from the dark dimension. It renders you powerless. How do you like my chances now? What should we do with you, Bloom? I know! How about we reenact the night we first met? I seem to remember putting you into a block of ice! ===The Wizard's Challenge=== <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' I think we should try a more practical approach. If they activate when they come into contact with Dragon Fire energy, then maybe I'm the key to unleashing their full power. : '''Musa:''' But remember, Boom, if they can destroy Baltor because of his Dragon Fire then they can destroy you too. : '''Bloom:''' I know it's very risky for me, but I don't we have a choice. <hr width70%> : '''Tecna:''' No one's allowed in here without a library card!! : '''Layla:''' ''Morfix Shield''. : '''Flora:''' ''Ivy Vine Wrap''. : '''Stella:''' ''Solarian Sunbeam''. : '''Bloom:''' ''Dragon Fury''. <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' I know it's risky, you guys, but I try to activate the Water Stars. : '''Stella:''' Wait! Don't do it, Bloom! You don't know how they could affect you! : '''Baltor:''' What they do to me, they'll do to you. : '''Flora:''' We can do this without the Water Stars. : '''Bloom:''' Flora, you know we can't. They're our only hope. ''Dragon Essence''. : '''Flora:''' Bloom are you OK? : '''Bloom:''' I'm fine, but what about Baltor? <hr width=70%> : '''Bloom:''' Baltor, it's over. : '''Baltor:''' If you destroy me, Bloom, you'll also destroy your parents. : '''Bloom:''' What!? What are you talking about!? : '''Baltor:''' They're inside of me. As I'm sure you are aware, when I fought the final battle between your birth parents, Oritel and Miriam, they defeated me. : '''Bloom:''' Yeah? : '''Baltor:''' But what you don't know is just before they sent me away, I cast an absorption spell and imprisoned them in my body. And so, Bloom, if you destroy me, they will be gone forever, too. : '''Bloom''' (''tearful'')''':''' Oh no, that's... : '''Layla:''' Baltor just escaped. ===The Witches' Crypt=== * The Nickelodeon title is "Finding the Truth" * Bloom discovers that her biological parents are very much alive, in a dark realm separate from the magical universe itself. <hr width70%> :'''Faragonda:''' No, I don't know if Baltor is telling the truth about your parents or if's just trying to trick you to gain an advantage in the battle. But if he is telling the truth and he did use an absorption spell, then his fate and your parents will be one and the same. :'''Bloom:''' I thought my strong connection with Baltor was because both of our powers come from the Dragon Fire, but maybe there's another reason. :'''Faragonda:''' And what do you think that is, Bloom? :'''Bloom:''' Maybe what I'm actually hearing is my parents trapped inside of him! That they're calling out to me, begging me to help them. <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' Let's try to add the magical energy of the Water Stars to our Enchantix powers. : '''Musa:''' Good idea, Bloom. But what about their affect on you? : '''Bloom:''' They only affect me once they're activated. So I'll put up a shield to protect myself. : '''Stella:''' All right! Let's activate them! <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' I wish I could go along with you, but my Enchantix power is still incomplete. And no matter what I try, it won't let me miniaturize. : '''Stella:''' Don't worry, Bloom. We got it covered. <hr width70%> :'''Bloom:''' You did it! You broke Baltor's spell! :'''Stella:''' It was just as easy as changing my sweater back. <hr width70%> :'''Baltor:''' You know all about the power of laughter, don't you? Well, soon you'll learn about the power of tears. : '''Icy:''' You and Bloom are inseparable. It's like there's some fate aura drawing you two together. : '''Baltor:''' And I think you three are linked to Bloom. But the sad fact of the matter is that neither of you has or ever has had what it takes to destroy her. : '''Icy:''' It's her Enchantix that's the problem. : '''Darcy:''' It gives her advantage. : '''Baltor:''' Sounds like an excuse to me. But then again, maybe you're right. Maybe all we need to do is level the playing field and give you ladies your own new power. Something we can call your Disenchantix. I'm going to cast a spell on you from the misery dimension. ''Power of the wind, power of ice, power darkness, it's time to grow. Draw from the void of misery and thieve and flourish''. Now you have your own version of the Enchantix, only way cooler. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' This is the presence Ms. Faragonda sensed. I feel it. Show yourself dark witches! : '''Belladonna:''' Heiress to the throne of Sparx, you have come to inquire about the fate of your birth parents, Oritel and Miriam, have you not? : '''Bloom:''' Yes. I want to know what happened to them! I want to know where they are! : '''Lysslis:''' Do you want the truth or simply something that will comfort you? : '''Bloom:''' I want the truth about what happened, no matter how hard it is to hear! : '''Belladonna:''' Then the truth is exactly what we will tell you. :'''Bloom:''' Huh? :'''Belladonna:''' Your parents, the King and Queen of Sparx, are not prisoners in Baltor's body. That was a trap he set for you. Oritel and Miriam are alive. : '''Bloom''' (''relieved'')''':''' Alive!? Where are they? : '''Lysslis:''' In a place far away. Not in this realm or even this dimension. : '''Bloom:''' Nothing is too far away for me! Tell me where they are and I'll go there! : '''Belladonna:''' It is not a place you can go! And that is all we will say! : '''Bloom:''' No! Wait! I want to know where my parents are! You can't leave me like this! ''You can't!'' <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' Baltor lied to me. He didn't capture my birth parents, and they aren't trapped inside of him. And now that know this, I can fight him with all of my might and all my power. ===The Spell of the Elements=== *The Nickelodeon title is "Valtor's Fury" <hr width70%> : '''Baltor:''' I am unbeatable!! : '''Icy:''' It sure didn't look that way, dude. : '''Darcy:''' Yeah. No offense, but those Water Stars knocked you on your unbeatable butt. : '''Stormy:''' Maybe you need to get some new spells and, you know, bulk up. : '''Icy:''' Yeah. Like get some new buff in the Magix department. (''the Trix laugh'') : '''Baltor:''' SILENCE!! ''I am Baltor! I am the greatest wizard in the magical universe!!'' ''Do not dare challenge me!!'' <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' We're still going to beat you Baltor. As long as there's a single once of energy in our bodies, we'll fight you! : '''Baltor:''' Here! See how you like ''this!'' :(''Blasts Bloom with the Water Stars immeasurable, mystical energy'') The Water Stars are painful, aren't they, Bloom? : '''Stella:''' To me, they're no different than a regular blast. : '''Tecna:''' Same goes for me. : '''Musa:''' Come on, girls! We have to protect Bloom. <hr width=70%/> : '''Baltor:''' Oblivion awaits you, Bloom! The same place I sent your parents! Fairy dust can't stop me. I'm not a dark spell and neither are the Water Stars. <hr width=70%> : '''Layla:''' I'm' going in. : '''Stella:''' Wait! Don't. We have to trust that Bloom knows what she's doing. : '''Musa:''' What if she doesn't? :(''Bloom collapses, due to repeated energy blasts from the Water Stars'') : '''Flora:''' Oh no. : '''Baltor:''' And so goes the last survivor to the throne of Sparx. <hr width=70%/> : '''Baltor:''' You five are next. : '''Stella:''' Before you start firing, you might wanna check your box. It looks like it's leaking. : '''Baltor:''' What!? NO!! : '''Stella:''' Bloom's fairy dust may not have affected you, but it busted your stash of spells right open. <hr width70%> :'''Baltor:''' You three get back here, right now!! :'''Icy:''' I wish we had time ti discuss this, but let's make one thing clear: You and us, we're over!! :'''Darcy:''' Yeah, see ya, loser. :'''Stormy:''' Buh-bye. ===Fire and Flame=== * This Season Three finale is followed by ''The Secret of the Lost Kingdom'' 3D CGI movie. <hr width70%> : '''Stella:''' That was an ''Enchantix Sunburst''. You should be gone. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' There's no point in fighting this thing. The only way I can beat is to attack the one who controls it. Find Baltor! And hit him where he hides!! (''Fires an orb of Dragon Fire, which unexpectedly hits Baltor from behind'') This thing stopped, which means I must have hit Baltor. <hr width=70%/> : '''Ancient Witches:''' Baltor. Baltor. : '''Baltor:''' Who are you!? : '''Ancient Witches:''' Is it possible that you forgot about us, Baltor? : '''Baltor:''' Show yourself! : '''Ancient Witches:''' You don't give orders to us, Baltor! ''We'' give orders to ''you''! : '''Baltor:''' The three Ancestresses. : '''Ancient Witches:''' You disappointed us, Baltor. So we're calling you back from this world! : '''Baltor:''' You think you can make me go back with you!? You three may have created me, but you do not control me! I've outgrown you and passed you by! What are you doing!? : '''Ancient Witches:''' From the limbo where we are exiled, we're not allowed to act on the outside world. But nothing can stop us from acting on ''you'', because you are ours, Baltor! : '''Baltor:''' No! Stop it!! : '''Ancient Witches:''' You failed! Your magic powers were squandered. And for that you must pay! We will take the part that is the wizard and leave the part that is the beast! You will be stronger and more brutal! Now go destroy all that is in your path! <hr width=70%/> : '''Layla:''' Not looking too good, Baltor. : '''Baltor:''' Soon you won't be either! : '''Layla:''' ''Morfix Bolt''. : '''Flora:''' ''Enchantix Ivy Wrap''. <hr width=70%/> :(''Combining Enchantix powers with Musa and Tecna'') : '''Stella:''' Enchantix convergence power. : '''Baltor:''' Is that it? : '''Stella:''' I thought that was pretty strong. : '''Bloom:''' As a beast, Baltor is much stronger than he was as a wizard. But I have an idea. There's a spell I learned on Pyros that just might work. <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' Power of the Flame, leave me. Go and find Baltor's fire. :(''A tiny orb-shaped spark of the Dragon Fire leaves her, causing her to faint'') <hr width70%> :'''Musa:''' Whoa, look. :'''Tecna:''' It's her Dragon Fire. <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' I did it, Baltor! I've traveled to the inner sanctum of your Dragon Fire. And now that I'm here, I'm gonna put out your Dragon Fire flame once and for all! <hr width70%> : '''Sky:''' Bloom, talk to me! :'''Stella:''' She's not here, Sky. She's over there, fighting for all of us. <hr width70%> : '''Baltor:''' Your fairy dust erased the dark magic of the Ancestresses. : '''Bloom:''' But that's...! : '''Baltor:''' And now I am myself again- A wizard created from a dark ember of the Great Dragon's fire! : '''Bloom:''' I'm still gonna finish you off!! : '''Baltor:''' I have a better idea, Bloom. Something that will help me achieve my destiny, and you finally locate your birth parents. : '''Bloom:''' I don't believe you know anything about my birth parents!! : '''Baltor:''' But the Ancient Witches do. In fact, they hold the key to both our destinies: : For you finding Oritel and Miriam, and for me achieving the greatness that I deserve. So this is what I propose to you, Bloom: Turn your rage on the Ancestresses and join me. Together we will be strong enough to defeat them and make them give us what we want. You and I are the same, Bloom. We are book ends, matching pieces of the greatest ancient magic ever to exist. : '''Bloom:''' The only thing we have in common is our Dragon Fire! And right now, my is gonna fight yours until one of them is out. : '''Baltor:''' So be it. I gave you one last chance! And now I'm going to destroy you! : Bloom: Not if I destroy you first! ''Dragon Fire Fury''. <hr width=70%> : '''Faragonda:''' Well done, girls. Baltor's essence now rests with the Ancient Witches. <hr width70%> : '''Nabu:''' You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, Layla. :(''The two lovers share a loving hug'') <hr width70%> : '''Faragonda:''' Your Enchantix powers are still incomplete. But the courage you showed on Tides, tells me that you're ready, Bloom. I believe you now have what it takes to find the Ancient Witches, break their dark spell, and finally find your birth parents. : '''Bloom:''' I think I'm ready. Mom, Dad, I feel like we're going to meet really soon. [[Category:Winx Club seasons]] e7mxz9htlbcg5fwei9qukdh286yyffh 3778981 3778980 2025-07-15T02:08:06Z 2601:84:C903:B4E0:CCD7:7A38:B89E:B671 /* Fire and Flame */ 3778981 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Seasons:''' [[Winx Club (season 1)|1]] [[Winx Club (season 2)|2]] [[Winx Club (season 3)|3]] [[Winx Club (season 4)|4]] [[Winx Club (season 5)|5]] [[Winx Club (season 6)|6]] [[Winx Club (season 7)|7]] | [[Winx Club|Main]] ---- '''''[[w:Winx Club|Winx Club]]''''' is an animated television series created by [[w:Iginio Straffi|Iginio Straffi]] and animated by [[w:Rainbow (company)|Rainbow SpA]], in co-production with [[w:Nickelodeon|Nickelodeon]] (Seasons 5 and 6) and [[w:Rai Fiction|Rai Fiction]]. ===The Princess' Ball/The Princess Ball/The Perfect Dress=== :'''Stella''': I'll take this one to Mom's, that one to Dad's... no, wait, I need the blue top for Mom's picnic. But then I should have the red dress for Dad's royal parade. :'''Amore''': The red dress is really beautiful, Stella. :'''Stella''': True. I should probably wear it to Mom's garden tea party. Do you know any cloning spells? :'''Amore''': Uh... nuh-uh. <hr width80%> :'''Musa:''' I'm gettin' my hair spelled. <hr width80%> :'''Aisha:''' Hey, girls! So, how'd it go? :'''Stella:''' Fine. Musa, what did you do to your hair? :'''Musa:''' A little change of style. :'''Stella:''' Very nice! And I just updated my wardrobe with a new dress! :'''Musa:''' Can we see it? ===Beauty Is a Beast=== :'''Bloom:''' I ask you to show me my birth parents, Oritel and Miriam. Show me what happened them. Sparx! That's when the Coven destroyed my planet. Oritel and Miriam. :'''Stella:''' Don't cry, sweetie. Oritel and Miriam were standing there, which must mean they're still alive. :'''Bloom:''' Do you really think that's what it means? :'''Stella:''' You asked the room to show what happened to them. So it must mean that they're out there somewhere. <hr width80%> :'''Chimera''': ''Your days as your father's little angel are over. By the power of Valtor, change. Transmit, transform, transmute!'' :(''casts the dark spell to turn Stella into a monster'') :'''Cassandra''': Radius, this monster is not your daughter. Listen to my voice, this monster is not your daughter, now do as I say. <hr width="50%" /> :'''Stella''': Tell the guards who I am! :'''Bloom''': Hey, this is Princess Stella! :'''Chimera''': That hideous monstrosity? That can't be Princess Stella. <hr width="50%" /> :'''Musa''': I have the feeling were not gonna be invited to the next party! :'''Bloom''': We'll be happy if we just get out of here in one piece. :'''Stella''': Hey! ''[Flora screams]'' Oh no, I'm so ugly I even scare my own friends! :'''Flora''': I'm sorry, Stella, I didn't mean to scream. Come here, sweetie! <hr width="50%" /> :'''Flora''': Since there's no hip-hop in this palace, how about rap? Ivy rap, that is. <hr width="50%" /> :'''Guard 1''': Get the monster! :'''Bloom''': That's not a monster, it's Princess Stella! :'''Guard 2''': She's lying. Our princess could never look that hideous. :'''Guard 1''': He's right! Get her! ===Pretty, Pretty Princess=== :'''Musa''': Wow, this rain, it's like anti-magic. :'''Tecna''': It weakened our spells and strength but luckily, we still have enough Winx left to save Stella. :'''Stella''': The way I look, I probably be better off if you hadn't. :'''Bloom''': We'll get you changed back, Stella, but in the meantime, I think you're kind of cuddly. :'''Flora''': Yeah, kind of like a cross between a frog and a bear or on second thought, maybe a dragon. :'''Stella''': I'm green, I'm hideous, and I'm giving a whole new meaning of the term, bloated! :'''Bloom''': It's a spell. We'll figure out a way to break it. <hr width="50%" /> :'''Bloom''': Hold on, are we forgetting something? :'''Musa''': Narrow passageway, plus-size fairy? Not good. :'''Stella''': Plus-size fairy?! That's not very nice! :'''Bloom''': We got you, Stella! :'''Musa''': And I didn't mean anything by calling you plus-size. :'''Stella''': Musa, you're too concern with your figure. <hr width="50%" /> :'''Bloom''': The leeches are gone! Thanks, Stella, you saved us! :'''Stella''': Hey, I might not be pretty, but I'm still tough! <hr width="50%" /> :'''Brandon''': Hey there, beautiful! :'''Stella''': Way to go, inner self! You got it going on! :'''Brandon''': Say what? :'''Stella''': Come on! ===The Mirror of Truth=== : '''Faragonda:''' Sophomores have be able to achieve their Charmix. This year, you must acquire your Enchantix. This is your final fairy form, which will give you access to far greater powers; such as fairy dust and miniaturization. The test will find you at a critical moment in time. You must rescue someone from your own world. This the only way you can earn your Enchantix. And the only way for you to protect your worlds from evil and destruction. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' Rescue someone from my own world? But everyone on Sparx disappeared a long time ago. Unless Oritel and Miriam are still alive, then no one from my world is left. And I'll never get my Enchantix. <hr width=70%/> :'''Brandon''': Stella... :'''Stella''': You don't understand! :'''Brandon''': I do! :'''Stella''': You see me as my old self because of Flora's spell! :'''Brandon''': Stella, maybe this isn't the best time to tell you this, but I can see what you look like. :'''Stella''': Hmm? But how is that possible? :'''Brandon''': Flora's illusion spell wore off back on the ship. :'''Stella''': And you can still look at me even though I look like a hideous monster? :'''Brandon''': You're still the same beautiful person inside. You still have the same heart, Stella. Girls, tell her what you see when you look at her. :'''Tecna''': I see a totally honest person, who always says what's on her mind. :'''Flora''': Is cheerful and upbeat and fun. :'''Musa''': A kind of crazy fairy that makes me laugh. :'''Bloom''': And I see a best friend forever. :'''Stella''': Do you really think all that about me? I always thought people just thought I was pretty. ===Mission to Tides=== :'''Bloom:''' Every time you mention Baltor's name, I have these visions. Weird visions of Sparx. And what's even weirder is that I see things I couldn't have seen 'cause I was just a baby. And then everything starts racing through my head until it all goes to black!! <hr width80%> :'''Icy:''' This new power Baltor gave me is cool. :'''Darcy:''' Baltor gave you a new power? :'''Stormy''': We know she's his favorite. But don't worry: she'll mess it up just like she always does. :'''Icy''': Spoken like a real witch, but true, although perhaps Baltor will be different. Nah. Eventually he'll disappoint me, but in the meantime, it could be fun. <hr width=70%/> :'''Baltor:''' Let's see if what they say is true. So it is you, the lost heiress to the throne of Sparx. <hr width=70%/> : '''Stormy:''' I can't wait to crush those fairies. : '''Baltor:''' Yes, go. Just make sure to leave Bloom out for me. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' You think you'd understand the balance of power by now, Icy! Whenever you face us, you lose! <hr width=70%/> : '''Baltor:''' Don't worry, Bloom. I don't want to harm you. I just wanted to see you face-to-face. : '''Bloom:''' You're destroying all of Tides, you've turned wondrous mermaids into horrible monsters! what is it you want, Baltor? What are you after? : '''Baltor:''' I just what belonged to me a long time ago. And I'm here as an old and forgotten courtesy to warn you to say out of my way. : '''Bloom:''' What do you mean by an old courtesy? : '''Baltor:''' You and I share a common past, Bloom. A shared history; something you're far too young to remember. ===The Mermaid Queen=== *Layla achieves her Enchantix form and greater water-controlling powers by sacrificing herself for her aunt, Queen Leshia. <hr width80%> :'''Bloom:''' I don't know if my fire spells will work underwater. <hr width80%> : '''Bloom:''' It's Layla's Enchantix. : '''Musa:''' It's beautiful. : '''Flora:''' It's totally amazing. : '''Bloom:''' Congratulations, Layla. Your sacrifice for Queen Leshia earned you your Enchantix powers. : '''Layla:''' So what? : '''Bloom:''' what do you mean "so what?" : '''Layla:''' I still can't see, Bloom. Everything is still dark. ===Royal Behavior=== : '''Faragonda:''' What happened to your friend is both terrible and wonderful. A dark spell has taken her sight. However, Layla was able to achieve her final fairy form. She now has Enchantix powers and that means she is strong enough to break Baltor's spell by herself. There is healing energy in the fairy dust on your new wings. If you concentrate hard, you be able to release it. Feel it all around you, dear. You don't need your eyes to see it. : '''Layla:''' I can see! I can see! : '''Faragonda:''' Fairy dust upon the wings of an Enchantix is one of strongest healing elements in the magical universe. <hr width=70%/> : '''Faragonda:''' There are things you must know about Baltor. things that connect him to you. : '''Bloom:''' Baltor said something like that on Tides, but I didn't know what he was talking about. : '''Faragonda:''' This book will explain to you what happened. What you see here is the Company of Light, a group of noble warriors who fought the three Ancient Witches. : '''Bloom:''' Baltor was with the Ancient Witches? : '''Faragonda:''' Yes. They are the ones who created him. At the beginning of the magical universe, when the Great Dragon was born, a tiny spark of its Fire fell into the darkness. The witches' took that dark ember and used it to create him. Now, the Company of Light was founded by your birth parents, Oritel and Miriam. <hr width80%> :'''Bloom:''' But if nobody really knows what happened to them, do you think it's possible they could be...? :'''Faragonda:''' What, dear? :'''Bloom:''' Well, that my parents could still be alive somewhere? :'''Faragonda:''' Bloom, I can't tell you. Nobody can. :'''Bloom:''' Nobody but Baltor! He's the last one saw my parents! He knows the answer! :'''Faragonda:''' Bloom, you must be very careful! Baltor is a vengeful creature, and if he finds out who you are he's going to try to destroy you! ===Dark Sky=== *Stella earns her Enchantix form and powers by saving her father King Radius from a dragon. <hr width80%> : '''Layla:''' Whoa! My Enchantix power has made this rubber glue spell a thousand times stronger. If I were you guys, I'd stop firing right now. <hr width=70%/> : '''Baltor:''' Bloom's heart is hurting. This loss will make her weak, which is exactly how I want her. ===Operation: Boyfriend Rescue=== :'''Stella''': ''[trying to figure out if she should call Brandon]'' On the one hand, he has a lot to do on Erakylon, but I am not the type of girl you don't check in on. Never have been, never will be, don't wanna be. <hr width="50%" /> :'''Riven''': How about operation let the dude choose, I mean your all assuming Sky wants to be rescued? :'''Bloom''': How could you say that!?! <hr width=70%/> : Stella: It's gonna be the end all right, but not for us! (''Transforms into her Enchantix form'') ''Shower of Light''. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' I don't want to fight you, Sky, I just want to talk to you. Then if you really want, I'll get out of your life for good. : '''Sky:''' You'll get out of it right now! : '''Stella:''' Hey, have it! :(''Blasts him with solar energy, revealing an all too familiar mark on his left forearm'') :'''Stella:''' That's Baltor's mark. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' Somehow, Baltor must have met up with Diaspro. And that goblet she gave him must have been his potion. : '''Musa:''' That's gonna be a strong spell, but maybe fairy dust can break it. : '''Stella:''' Coming right up. ===Attack of the Zombie Witches=== *Musa earns her Enchantix by refusing to leave Princess Galatea of Melody (the Harmonic Realm) behind. <hr width80%> : '''Musa:''' ''No!'' Never! ''I am not leaving you!!'' <hr width70%> : '''Princess Galatea:''' Oh, Musa. You've got your Enchantix. : '''Musa:''' Cool! Maybe I can stop this fire. And since it was dark magic that took your wings, some fairy dust should bring them back, too. ===Missing in Action=== : '''Flora:''' The trees were too scared, so they turned away. : '''Bloom:''' The trees were scared of Baltor? <hr width=70%/> (''Seeing Ms. Faragonda one with an oak tree'') : '''Bloom:''' Oh no. Ms. Faragonda. : '''Stella:''' Trans-combined with a tree? : '''Bloom:''' We have to do something! Especially for everything Ms. F's done for us. I only made this far as a fairy because of you. : '''Musa:''' Ms. Faragonda, I don't know if you can hear me. But trust me. We're gonna save you. ===Tears of the Black Willow=== *Flora achieves her Enchantix powers by saving her younger sister Rose (Miele). <hr width80%> : '''Flora:''' Everybody, this is my sister Rose. <hr width70%> : '''Stella:''' Welcome to the Enchantix squad, Musa. : '''Musa:''' I love my new wings. : '''Layla:''' Can you feel just how powerful is in them? <hr width70%> :'''Rose:''' Your friends are really brave. <hr width70%> :'''Bloom:''' Did you hear that, Tecna? :'''Tecna:''' Let's not try to disappoint her. :(''Fires a ray of virtual energy'') <hr width70%> : '''Stormy:''' Say goodbye, goody-goody! : '''Rose:''' No! :(''Takes the blast that was meant for her elder sister'') : '''Flora:''' Rose! ''That was my sister!'' <hr width70%> : '''Flora:''' Miele, why didn't you go back home?/Why didn't you go back home, Rose? : '''Miele/Rose:''' I just wanted to see what would happen./I just wanted to be brave. : '''Flora:''' I love you, my little blossom.../I'm not going to make it, sweetie. : '''Miele/Rose:''' Wait! Flora! : '''Flora:''' Bubble, bring her up!/Bubble, bring her to the surface. : '''Miele/Rose:''' FLORA, NOOOOOOO!!!!!! <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' Rose! What happened? Where's Flora? : '''Rose:''' She saved me. <hr width70%> : '''Layla:''' Congratulations, Flora. You got your Enchantix powers. : '''Rose:''' Thanks for saving me, Flora. : '''Flora:''' Hey, you saved me first. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' You three, stop misbehaving or we may have to spank you! ===Point of No Return=== *Tecna achieves her Enchantix powers due her self-sacrifice in closing the Omega portal and saving the realm of Tides, even it means of her being trapped in there. * When Bloom is screaming for Tecna, a closeup of her horrified face shows the makeup of her Enchantix attire, even though she has not yet achieved it. <hr width80%> : '''Flora:''' ''Ivy Rescue Vine''. :(''Stops Stella's fall'') <hr width=70%/> : '''Tecna:''' I can do this! : '''Flora:''' No, Tecna! Don't go in there! : '''Bloom:''' Tecna!! <hr width=70%/> : '''Layla:''' Let go! she can't risk her life for my planet! : '''Tibok:''' If she has chosen to go forward, you must let her do it. Perhaps she will be the one to close the gate. Perhaps this act of sacrifice is her destiny. <hr width=70%/> :(''Tecna has just achieved her Enchantix form and far stronger technology/data-based powers'') : '''Musa:''' What's she gonna do with the fairy dust? : '''Bloom:''' She's using it to force her way inside the portal!! <hr width=70%/> : '''Baltor:''' I must say, those fairies are certainly not afraid of sacrifice. : '''Stormy:''' Yeah, and they're lucky, too. They survived the Omega gate. : '''Darcy:''' Well, all but Tecna. : '''Icy:''' Which means there are only five fairies left for us to finish off. ===Payback!=== * The Nickelodeon title for this episode is "Revenge!" * Bloom is now the only Winx Club member who remains in her standard Winx/Fairy form. <hr width70%> : '''Flora:''' Tecna was a great fairy. : '''Layla:''' And she saved the entire realm of Tides with her sacrifice. : '''Timmy:''' Tecna's not gone! She's just trapped! : '''Riven:''' Tecna's disappeared inside the Omega portal! : '''Musa:''' And the gate closed forever, Timmy. <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' The Winx Club was the six of us together. It's just not the same without Tecna. : '''Musa:''' Maybe we should end it, like disband the group. : '''Stella:''' I hate to say it, but I agree. :'''Layla:''' It's the right thing. <hr width70%> :'''Bloom:''' It's over, Baltor!! :(''Baltor strikes Musa and Flora with his evil magic'') : '''Bloom:''' ''Dragon Fury'' : '''Baltor:''' Your powers are strong, Bloom, just like your mother's. : '''Bloom:''' What?! : '''Baltor:''' Miriam, the queen of planet Sparx. : '''Bloom:''' My mother? What do ''you'' know about her!? : '''Baltor:''' I defeated her. :<hr width=70%/> : '''Baltor:''' Your birth parents, Oritel and Miriam, were the leaders of the Company of Light. A bunch of do-good-er warriors who fought to save the magical dimension. : '''Musa:''' ''Base Boom''. : '''Baltor:''' I recently visited a planet whose magic was all about silence. Let me show you one of the strong spells I took from them. :(''Traps Musa in a soundproof bubble'') : '''Flora:''' ''Ivy Vine Wrap''. : '''Baltor:''' And for you, some magic of the cave dwellers of the Under Realm. They like total darkness. Flowers can't survive long without light, right? <hr width70%> : '''Baltor:''' So do you want to fight or do you want to hear about your parents, Bloom? : '''Bloom:''' I'm listening. : '''Baltor:''' I met Oritel and Miriam when I was a young wizard. I was the one who faced them in their final battle. First I trapped Miriam with a spell I learned from the dwellers of the dark dimension. Of course, King Oritel came to rescue her as I knew he would. Your birth father was very powerful. I could never have defeated him unless he lowered his guard to save your mother. While he used his magic to save his beloved, I used mine to send them both to Oblivion. And that's how it ended for your birth parents, Oritel and Miriam, the great king and queen of planet Sparx. I'm so glad we could share that story. :(''a furious Bloom is overflowing with Dragon Fire energy'') : '''Bloom:''' ''Why you!!'' : '''Baltor:''' Come on! Show me what you've got! Do it for Sparx! Do it for your parents! : (''A thoroughly enraged Bloom releases a tremendous amount of Dragon Fire energy'') :'''Baltor:''' ''Oposotius''. And so goes the last survivor of the planet Sparx. Destroyed by her own magic. <hr width=70%/> : '''Stella:''' This calls for some fairy dust. : '''Griffin:''' I see you made progress. I remember when Faragonda first got her Enchantix. All my best spells became useless against her. <hr width80%> :'''Faragonda:''' Stella, get us out of here! :'''Bloom:''' NO!! we have to beat him! For Tecna and for Miriam and Oritel!! :'''Faragonda:''' I'm sorry, Bloom, but not today. <hr width80%> :'''Faragonda:''' There is just one place you can go to become stronger, Bloom. It is called Pyros, also known as the Island of Dragons. The power you can get there is great, but the dangers are severe. :'''Bloom:''' I don't care! Baltor destroyed my parents and took Tecna! If will help me beat him, then I'll do it. <hr width80%> :'''Baltor:''' I cannot allow the heir to the throne of Sparx to survive! :'''Icy:''' How about we just go get Bloom for you? :'''Darcy:''' Yeah. We'll wait till she's away from her friends. :'''Baltor:''' Good. Go and bring her here, then we'll destroy her together. ===The Island of Dragons=== *Bloom has a vision of her ghostly elder sister Daphne. <hr width80%> : '''Daphne:''' Bloom. Bloom. : '''Bloom:''' Daphne? : '''Daphne:''' You must find your inner dragon. : '''Bloom:''' My inner dragon? What dragon? : '''Daphne:''' Your dragon. <hr width=70%/> : '''Layla:''' ''Enchanted Morfix''. : '''Guard:''' I don't like stepping stuff, and I don't like pink! ===The Power Within=== *The Nickelodeon title is "Building Hope." *Bloom earns her immense Enchantix by "being fearless and open to her powers". However, it dangerously incomplete as she did not earn it via bravery and self-sacrifice but rather through sheer willpower. In the Nickelodeon version, she earns it by refusing to let Baltor win. <hr width80%> :'''Baltor:''' I don't know how, but Tecna has managed to communicate from the Omega Dimension. :'''Icy:''' But that's impossible. :'''Baltor:''' And now they're going to get a rescue party together, fly there and bring her back to Alfea. :'''Icy:''' And do you want us to ruin their party? :'''Baltor:''' No. What I want you to do is go deal with Bloom. :'''Stormy:''' I am totally game for that. :'''Icy:''' I'm always game for messin' up Bloom. :'''Baltor:''' Bloom is strengthening her already impressive powers. She's training on an island called Pyros. :'''Icy:''' I'm guessing you want us to mess up Bloom's little island vacation? <hr width80%> : '''Bloom:''' My name is Bloom and I came to Pyros to get stronger. And so far, I found my inner dragon, and that's good and all. But I'm still not strong enough and I don't what else to do to make that happen. : '''Maya:''' If you want to get stronger, you must open your heart and your mind. I can see that the universe has given you a mission. You are destined to battle an evil force. You possess plenty of power to destroy it. : '''Bloom:''' You can really see all that? : '''Maya:''' I see it clearly. <hr width=70%/> : '''Maya:''' You want to ask me about your Enchantix? : '''Bloom:''' Yes. Even though there's no one left from my realm, is it still possible for me to earn it? : '''Maya:''' Many things are possible on Pyros that are not possible elsewhere. For you to achieve your goal, Bloom, you must let go of your fear. : '''Bloom:''' Is losing all your fear really possible? <hr width=70%/> : '''Musa:''' ''Sound Wave Attack''. : '''Stella:''' Can't have sound without light. ''Sunbeam Shower''. <hr width=70%/> : '''Maya:''' I have something for you. Here. Take this, so you can always remember the lessons you leaned on Pyros. : '''Bloom:''' That's so pretty. What's in it? : '''Maya:''' Every magical place and every magical being has a unique essence. And this contains the essence of Pyros. And now I'm going to help you let go of fear and believe in your ability to get what you want. Sit. When you do these things, you'll understand your true essence. And that's how you get stronger. : '''Bloom:''' I feel like I'm getting there, I just wish I had my Enchantix. : '''Maya:''' I believe that it's within you. I believe that you can find your Enchantix if you truly set your mind to it. <hr width70%> :(''Bloom breaks out of the ice cube'') : '''Darcy:''' Whoa! She got stronger. : '''Icy:''' It seems like our little friend learned a new trick or two at Loser Bootcamp. <hr width70%> : '''Icy:''' Just so you know, after we capture you, we're bringing you back to Baltor: : '''Bloom''' (''thinking'')''':''' Baltor! I've had ''enough'' of Baltor! I believe. I believe I have the power in me. ''I'm gonna use it to stop Baltor! And it's starting right here, right now with these witches!'' :(''Starts overflowing with great mystical energy'') :'''Bloom:'''I am fearless and open to my powers! :(''transforms into her Enchantix form for the first time'') :'''Bloom:''' ''Enchanted Sphere''. :(''Encases the Trix sisters inside an orb of Dragon Fire'') :'''Bloom:''' This is my island, witches! <hr width70%> :'''Maya:''' I knew you had it in you. : '''Bloom:''' Did you see that, Maya? I believed that I could do it, and I got my Enchantix. : '''Maya:''' Yes you did. You found your inner dragon, and now you've unlocked your deepest source of power. And for that, you should be very proud of yourself. You came to Pyros looking for more strength. But because of your courage, what you ended up finding was even bigger than any magical power you could ever have. Listen. You are finding yourself and there is nothing more powerful than that. Now go back to Alfea and put your gift to good use. ===The Omega Mission=== *Bloom was unable to transform at first, due to her Enchantix being dangerously incomplete. <hr width80%> : '''Bloom:''' I was able to grow so much, and I got way more in touch with my powers, but... : '''Griselda:''' There's always a "but." : '''Bloom:''' I don't understand how I got my Enchantix without saving anybody from my realm. : '''Faragonda:''' You've became a rare exception to the rules of fairies, a very rare exception. On Pyros, you used all of your willpower. And your belief in yourself was powerful that it simply transformed you. It's as if you willed yourself into an Enchantix. :'''Griselda:''' Very impressive. :'''Bloom:''' Thanks a lot. <hr width70%> :''[Bloom and Sky are on the bench]'' :'''Sky''': I didn't go to the omega dimension prison has dead prisoners because I was put under active control at Red fountain, but when I heard you were back I asked Codatorta to escort me special permission. :'''Bloom''': And cause you were so nice he said yes? :'''Sky''': Exactly yeah. :''[They hug]'' :'''Bloom''': Who told you I was back from pyros. :'''Sky''': That's confidential Imfornation bloom sorry. :''[Amore comes out from behind the bench]'' :'''Amore''': I told himbecause of true love. :''[Bloom and Sky leave each other and blush]'' :'''Chatta''': Amore! :'''Amore''': What, what's wrong with what I said? :'''Tune''': Look! You made them both blush! <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' I wish I could go with you, Tecna, but I haven't been able to transform since I got back from Pyros. :'''Tecna:''' Then we'll walk. <hr width70%> :'''Tecna:''' What are you doing, Bloom? You can't transform. :'''Bloom:''' I'm gonna have to. <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' Musa's fairy dust must have fixed whatever was keeping me from transforming. So what do you say we take this snake out, get our guys, and head for home? <hr width80%> :'''Stella:''' I think your new mega dragon attack finished him off. :'''Musa:''' Alright! Way to go, Bloom. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' Wait a second. It's not over yet. : '''Layla:''' What are you talking about, Bloom? : '''Musa:''' That snake is history : '''Bloom:''' No it's not, you guys. When my dragon form collided with it, we formed a kind of instant connection. And now it's speaking to me or as long as I'm hearing what it's thinking. : '''Flora:'''And what is it telling you, Bloom? : '''Bloom:''' It's telling that is the ice snake's purpose to keep all things imprisoned. And since its part of the Omega Dimension itself, Is impossible to destroy. ===Day at the Museum=== : '''Bloom:''' ''Dragon Energy''. : '''Tecna:''' A logical strategy. Increasing the air friction around the creature should slow it down. : '''Layla:''' She's losing control. : '''Flora:''' Griselda, you have to do something! : '''Faragonda:''' Not just yet. Give her a second. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' Did I do it? : '''Faragonda:''' You successfully repelled the negotiator, yes. But your magic was out of control. Bloom, I'm not going to lie to you. Your Enchantix power is dangerously incomplete. The others have a power that was born out of sacrifice. But your Enchantix was created by pure force of will. It's not the same thing at all. : '''Bloom:''' All that I really care about, Ms. F, is that my power works against Baltor. And it should do that, don't you think? : '''Faragonda:''' I'm not sure how your power will work. And speaking of Baltor, he's disappeared. : '''Bloom:''' What do you mean? I thought he was a Cloud Tower. : '''Faragonda:''' He escaped. But on the plus side, Cloud Tower is safe again. : '''Bloom:''' That's great. But...Baltor is the only one who knows what happened to my birth parents, Oritel and Miriam. So I have to find him and make him tell me. <hr width=70%/> : '''Baltor:''' Well, look at you. Enchantix and Dragon Fire together. Finally, a decent challenge. : '''Bloom:''' Come and get me, Baltor! The protection glass is magic-proof. Your spells won't go through it!! : '''Baltor:''' Yes, but they will go around it. :(''Throws a ball of fire, but Bloom's orange fairy dust purifies it'') <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' The Dragon Fire and the Enchantix aren't what's going to beat you Baltor. It's six Enchantix together! <hr width70%> : '''Baltor:''' Bloom, someday I'll get that little fairy dust pendant right from your neck and add it to my collection of trinkets. But I'm afraid I'm going to fight all of you today. Just ''you!!'' ===Biker Wedding Crashers=== : '''Stella:''' Stop right there! As long as I'm around, you'll never become the queen of Solaria! : '''Cassandra''': Stella! : '''Stella:''' People of Solaria, this monster and her wannabee daughter have bewitched your king! : '''Cassandra:''' Don't listen to her! She's lying! <hr width70%> : '''Stella:''' No! Daddy! : '''Chimera:''' Daddy can't hear you. : '''Stella:''' Can you not take a hint!!? <hr width70%> : '''King Radius:''' Who are you? : '''Stella:''' I'm your daughter, Daddy. Your Stella. Don't you remember? You used to call me Stella-my-Bella and my little ray of sunshine. : '''King Radius:''' I don't recall. : '''Stella:''' Stupid, Baltor! No way is he taking my father away from me!! Fairy dust!! ===The Golden Kingdom=== : '''Musa:''' See what you think of this. ''Sound Cage''. :(''Bloom is encased in a dome of sound, but easily overwhelms it with a mighty burst of Dragon Fire energy'') :'''Musa:''' Man, I channeled all my Winx into that attack. : '''Flora:''' OK. Guess I'm up next. Don't take this personally. <hr width=70%/> : '''Lockette:''' You leave Bloom alone. : '''Stella:''' Don't worry. We're not really fighting. : '''Bloom:''' Yeah. Since Baltor and I both get our power from the Dragon Fire, we figured that we found a way to beat my power, we can use to beat his. But so far, no luck. <hr width=70%/> : '''Tecna:''' I've got it! I know how to defeat the Dragon Fire! According to the book, at the beginning of the magical universe when the Great Dragon was born, another opposite force was created as well. This opposite force was contained in Water Stars. : '''Amore:''' But, Tecna, Water Stars don't exist anymore. : '''Tecna:''' In this dimension they don't. : '''Bloom:''' What do you mean by that? :'''Tecna:''' Because they're naturally opposed to each other, the Dragon Fire and Water Stars couldn't exist in the same dimension. So the Ancient Wizards came together and opened a portal to seal them off from our dimension. : '''Bloom:''' Where are they now? : '''Tecna:''' In the Golden Kingdom. <hr width=70%/> : '''Icy:''' I felt something really gross, like the way a sunset feels. : '''Baltor:''' It was a wave of positive energy. And there's only one place it could've come from- the Golden Kingdom. Show me the Red Tower! So they have gone to the Golden Kingdom. For Water Stars. Here! Take this and destroy Bloom now. That's my girl. : '''Darcy:''' Icy's your girl? : '''Baltor:''' You're all my girls! Now go! ===The Crystal Labyrinth=== : '''Sky:''' Looks like some kind of ancient language. Can any of you guys read it? : '''Bloom:''' It says "only those who are pure of heart may enter." <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' I have an idea. Since our fairy dust is anti-darkness, I bet if we spray it on ourselves it should remove all traces of darkness from us. : '''Stella:''' What darkness? : '''Timmy:''' Everybody's got some kind of darkness. Like vanity. : '''Stella:''' Oh. <hr width70%> : '''Musa:''' We're miniaturizing. : '''Tecna:''' I guess the time was right. : '''Bloom:''' I couldn't do it. Since my Enchantix wasn't earned the same way as yours, Ms. Faragonda said it may have limitations. But I want you girls to on ahead. We need the Water Stars. They're our only hope to stop Baltor. <hr width=70%/> : '''Icy:''' Looks like it's just you and me, Bloom. : '''Bloom:''' You don't have a chance, Icy! : '''Icy:''' 'Cause of your big bad Enchantix powers? well, Baltor wanted me to give you ''this!'' Anti-dark dust from the dark dimension. It renders you powerless. How do you like my chances now? What should we do with you, Bloom? I know! How about we reenact the night we first met? I seem to remember putting you into a block of ice! ===The Wizard's Challenge=== <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' I think we should try a more practical approach. If they activate when they come into contact with Dragon Fire energy, then maybe I'm the key to unleashing their full power. : '''Musa:''' But remember, Boom, if they can destroy Baltor because of his Dragon Fire then they can destroy you too. : '''Bloom:''' I know it's very risky for me, but I don't we have a choice. <hr width70%> : '''Tecna:''' No one's allowed in here without a library card!! : '''Layla:''' ''Morfix Shield''. : '''Flora:''' ''Ivy Vine Wrap''. : '''Stella:''' ''Solarian Sunbeam''. : '''Bloom:''' ''Dragon Fury''. <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' I know it's risky, you guys, but I try to activate the Water Stars. : '''Stella:''' Wait! Don't do it, Bloom! You don't know how they could affect you! : '''Baltor:''' What they do to me, they'll do to you. : '''Flora:''' We can do this without the Water Stars. : '''Bloom:''' Flora, you know we can't. They're our only hope. ''Dragon Essence''. : '''Flora:''' Bloom are you OK? : '''Bloom:''' I'm fine, but what about Baltor? <hr width=70%> : '''Bloom:''' Baltor, it's over. : '''Baltor:''' If you destroy me, Bloom, you'll also destroy your parents. : '''Bloom:''' What!? What are you talking about!? : '''Baltor:''' They're inside of me. As I'm sure you are aware, when I fought the final battle between your birth parents, Oritel and Miriam, they defeated me. : '''Bloom:''' Yeah? : '''Baltor:''' But what you don't know is just before they sent me away, I cast an absorption spell and imprisoned them in my body. And so, Bloom, if you destroy me, they will be gone forever, too. : '''Bloom''' (''tearful'')''':''' Oh no, that's... : '''Layla:''' Baltor just escaped. ===The Witches' Crypt=== * The Nickelodeon title is "Finding the Truth" * Bloom discovers that her biological parents are very much alive, in a dark realm separate from the magical universe itself. <hr width70%> :'''Faragonda:''' No, I don't know if Baltor is telling the truth about your parents or if's just trying to trick you to gain an advantage in the battle. But if he is telling the truth and he did use an absorption spell, then his fate and your parents will be one and the same. :'''Bloom:''' I thought my strong connection with Baltor was because both of our powers come from the Dragon Fire, but maybe there's another reason. :'''Faragonda:''' And what do you think that is, Bloom? :'''Bloom:''' Maybe what I'm actually hearing is my parents trapped inside of him! That they're calling out to me, begging me to help them. <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' Let's try to add the magical energy of the Water Stars to our Enchantix powers. : '''Musa:''' Good idea, Bloom. But what about their affect on you? : '''Bloom:''' They only affect me once they're activated. So I'll put up a shield to protect myself. : '''Stella:''' All right! Let's activate them! <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' I wish I could go along with you, but my Enchantix power is still incomplete. And no matter what I try, it won't let me miniaturize. : '''Stella:''' Don't worry, Bloom. We got it covered. <hr width70%> :'''Bloom:''' You did it! You broke Baltor's spell! :'''Stella:''' It was just as easy as changing my sweater back. <hr width70%> :'''Baltor:''' You know all about the power of laughter, don't you? Well, soon you'll learn about the power of tears. : '''Icy:''' You and Bloom are inseparable. It's like there's some fate aura drawing you two together. : '''Baltor:''' And I think you three are linked to Bloom. But the sad fact of the matter is that neither of you has or ever has had what it takes to destroy her. : '''Icy:''' It's her Enchantix that's the problem. : '''Darcy:''' It gives her advantage. : '''Baltor:''' Sounds like an excuse to me. But then again, maybe you're right. Maybe all we need to do is level the playing field and give you ladies your own new power. Something we can call your Disenchantix. I'm going to cast a spell on you from the misery dimension. ''Power of the wind, power of ice, power darkness, it's time to grow. Draw from the void of misery and thieve and flourish''. Now you have your own version of the Enchantix, only way cooler. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' This is the presence Ms. Faragonda sensed. I feel it. Show yourself dark witches! : '''Belladonna:''' Heiress to the throne of Sparx, you have come to inquire about the fate of your birth parents, Oritel and Miriam, have you not? : '''Bloom:''' Yes. I want to know what happened to them! I want to know where they are! : '''Lysslis:''' Do you want the truth or simply something that will comfort you? : '''Bloom:''' I want the truth about what happened, no matter how hard it is to hear! : '''Belladonna:''' Then the truth is exactly what we will tell you. :'''Bloom:''' Huh? :'''Belladonna:''' Your parents, the King and Queen of Sparx, are not prisoners in Baltor's body. That was a trap he set for you. Oritel and Miriam are alive. : '''Bloom''' (''relieved'')''':''' Alive!? Where are they? : '''Lysslis:''' In a place far away. Not in this realm or even this dimension. : '''Bloom:''' Nothing is too far away for me! Tell me where they are and I'll go there! : '''Belladonna:''' It is not a place you can go! And that is all we will say! : '''Bloom:''' No! Wait! I want to know where my parents are! You can't leave me like this! ''You can't!'' <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' Baltor lied to me. He didn't capture my birth parents, and they aren't trapped inside of him. And now that know this, I can fight him with all of my might and all my power. ===The Spell of the Elements=== *The Nickelodeon title is "Valtor's Fury" <hr width70%> : '''Baltor:''' I am unbeatable!! : '''Icy:''' It sure didn't look that way, dude. : '''Darcy:''' Yeah. No offense, but those Water Stars knocked you on your unbeatable butt. : '''Stormy:''' Maybe you need to get some new spells and, you know, bulk up. : '''Icy:''' Yeah. Like get some new buff in the Magix department. (''the Trix laugh'') : '''Baltor:''' SILENCE!! ''I am Baltor! I am the greatest wizard in the magical universe!!'' ''Do not dare challenge me!!'' <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' We're still going to beat you Baltor. As long as there's a single once of energy in our bodies, we'll fight you! : '''Baltor:''' Here! See how you like ''this!'' :(''Blasts Bloom with the Water Stars immeasurable, mystical energy'') The Water Stars are painful, aren't they, Bloom? : '''Stella:''' To me, they're no different than a regular blast. : '''Tecna:''' Same goes for me. : '''Musa:''' Come on, girls! We have to protect Bloom. <hr width=70%/> : '''Baltor:''' Oblivion awaits you, Bloom! The same place I sent your parents! Fairy dust can't stop me. I'm not a dark spell and neither are the Water Stars. <hr width=70%> : '''Layla:''' I'm' going in. : '''Stella:''' Wait! Don't. We have to trust that Bloom knows what she's doing. : '''Musa:''' What if she doesn't? :(''Bloom collapses, due to repeated energy blasts from the Water Stars'') : '''Flora:''' Oh no. : '''Baltor:''' And so goes the last survivor to the throne of Sparx. <hr width=70%/> : '''Baltor:''' You five are next. : '''Stella:''' Before you start firing, you might wanna check your box. It looks like it's leaking. : '''Baltor:''' What!? NO!! : '''Stella:''' Bloom's fairy dust may not have affected you, but it busted your stash of spells right open. <hr width70%> :'''Baltor:''' You three get back here, right now!! :'''Icy:''' I wish we had time ti discuss this, but let's make one thing clear: You and us, we're over!! :'''Darcy:''' Yeah, see ya, loser. :'''Stormy:''' Buh-bye. ===A New Beginning/Fire and Flame/The Final Battle=== * This Season Three finale is followed by ''The Secret of the Lost Kingdom'' 3D CGI movie. <hr width70%> : '''Stella:''' That was an ''Enchantix Sunburst''. You should be gone. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' There's no point in fighting this thing. The only way I can beat is to attack the one who controls it. Find Baltor! And hit him where he hides!! (''Fires an orb of Dragon Fire, which unexpectedly hits Baltor from behind'') This thing stopped, which means I must have hit Baltor. <hr width=70%/> : '''Ancient Witches:''' Baltor. Baltor. : '''Baltor:''' Who are you!? : '''Ancient Witches:''' Is it possible that you forgot about us, Baltor? : '''Baltor:''' Show yourself! : '''Ancient Witches:''' You don't give orders to us, Baltor! ''We'' give orders to ''you''! : '''Baltor:''' The three Ancestresses. : '''Ancient Witches:''' You disappointed us, Baltor. So we're calling you back from this world! : '''Baltor:''' You think you can make me go back with you!? You three may have created me, but you do not control me! I've outgrown you and passed you by! What are you doing!? : '''Ancient Witches:''' From the limbo where we are exiled, we're not allowed to act on the outside world. But nothing can stop us from acting on ''you'', because you are ours, Baltor! : '''Baltor:''' No! Stop it!! : '''Ancient Witches:''' You failed! Your magic powers were squandered. And for that you must pay! We will take the part that is the wizard and leave the part that is the beast! You will be stronger and more brutal! Now go destroy all that is in your path! <hr width=70%/> : '''Layla:''' Not looking too good, Baltor. : '''Baltor:''' Soon you won't be either! : '''Layla:''' ''Morfix Bolt''. : '''Flora:''' ''Enchantix Ivy Wrap''. <hr width=70%/> :(''Combining Enchantix powers with Musa and Tecna'') : '''Stella:''' Enchantix convergence power. : '''Baltor:''' Is that it? : '''Stella:''' I thought that was pretty strong. : '''Bloom:''' As a beast, Baltor is much stronger than he was as a wizard. But I have an idea. There's a spell I learned on Pyros that just might work. <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' Power of the Flame, leave me. Go and find Baltor's fire. :(''A tiny orb-shaped spark of the Dragon Fire leaves her, causing her to faint'') <hr width70%> :'''Musa:''' Whoa, look. :'''Tecna:''' It's her Dragon Fire. <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' I did it, Baltor! I've traveled to the inner sanctum of your Dragon Fire. And now that I'm here, I'm gonna put out your Dragon Fire flame once and for all! <hr width70%> : '''Sky:''' Bloom, talk to me! :'''Stella:''' She's not here, Sky. She's over there, fighting for all of us. <hr width70%> :'''Valtor''': Thank you, Bloom. I was getting a little warm. :'''Bloom''': Valtor. :'''Valtor''': It was bold of you to come back here for sure. But what did you think you were going to achieve? :'''Bloom''': I guess that's what we're about to find out. :'''Valtor''': Come on, then. Attack me. Vent your anger. But remember this is not going to bring your birth parents back. :'''Bloom''': Shut up, Valtor! You don't know anything about them! :'''Valtor''': Oh yes I do. I know that I lied to you in the past and so, of course I totally understand if you don't believe me now. But the fact of the matter is it's the three ancient witches that are to blame for Oritel and Marion's demise. You should turn your rage on them. Join me. I'll regain control of my body and together, we will destroy the ancient witches. Their power as well as the magic knowledge of every single planet will be ours. We are the same, Bloom. Don't forget it. :'''Bloom''': We're nothing alike, Valtor. And once your fire is out, nothing will be left for you, I swear. :'''Valtor''': All right, then. I gave you one last chance. And now I'm going to destroy you! :'''Bloom''': Fairy Dust, extinguish the fire! <hr width70%> : '''Baltor:''' Your fairy dust erased the dark magic of the Ancestresses. : '''Bloom:''' But that's...! : '''Baltor:''' And now I am myself again- A wizard created from a dark ember of the Great Dragon's fire! : '''Bloom:''' I'm still gonna finish you off!! : '''Baltor:''' I have a better idea, Bloom. Something that will help me achieve my destiny, and you finally locate your birth parents. : '''Bloom:''' I don't believe you know anything about my birth parents!! : '''Baltor:''' But the Ancient Witches do. In fact, they hold the key to both our destinies: : For you finding Oritel and Miriam, and for me achieving the greatness that I deserve. So this is what I propose to you, Bloom: Turn your rage on the Ancestresses and join me. Together we will be strong enough to defeat them and make them give us what we want. You and I are the same, Bloom. We are book ends, matching pieces of the greatest ancient magic ever to exist. : '''Bloom:''' The only thing we have in common is our Dragon Fire! And right now, my is gonna fight yours until one of them is out. : '''Baltor:''' So be it. I gave you one last chance! And now I'm going to destroy you! : Bloom: Not if I destroy you first! ''Dragon Fire Fury''. <hr width=70%> : '''Faragonda:''' Well done, girls. Baltor's essence now rests with the Ancient Witches. <hr width70%> : '''Nabu:''' You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, Layla. :(''The two lovers share a loving hug'') <hr width70%> : '''Faragonda:''' Your Enchantix powers are still incomplete. But the courage you showed on Tides, tells me that you're ready, Bloom. I believe you now have what it takes to find the Ancient Witches, break their dark spell, and finally find your birth parents. : '''Bloom:''' I think I'm ready. Mom, Dad, I feel like we're going to meet really soon. [[Category:Winx Club seasons]] aytxu78gand962lx5q8kfdkwnst1aoi 3779029 3778981 2025-07-15T05:43:15Z 2601:84:C903:B4E0:CCD7:7A38:B89E:B671 /* A New Beginning/Fire and Flame/The Final Battle */ 3779029 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Seasons:''' [[Winx Club (season 1)|1]] [[Winx Club (season 2)|2]] [[Winx Club (season 3)|3]] [[Winx Club (season 4)|4]] [[Winx Club (season 5)|5]] [[Winx Club (season 6)|6]] [[Winx Club (season 7)|7]] | [[Winx Club|Main]] ---- '''''[[w:Winx Club|Winx Club]]''''' is an animated television series created by [[w:Iginio Straffi|Iginio Straffi]] and animated by [[w:Rainbow (company)|Rainbow SpA]], in co-production with [[w:Nickelodeon|Nickelodeon]] (Seasons 5 and 6) and [[w:Rai Fiction|Rai Fiction]]. ===The Princess' Ball/The Princess Ball/The Perfect Dress=== :'''Stella''': I'll take this one to Mom's, that one to Dad's... no, wait, I need the blue top for Mom's picnic. But then I should have the red dress for Dad's royal parade. :'''Amore''': The red dress is really beautiful, Stella. :'''Stella''': True. I should probably wear it to Mom's garden tea party. Do you know any cloning spells? :'''Amore''': Uh... nuh-uh. <hr width80%> :'''Musa:''' I'm gettin' my hair spelled. <hr width80%> :'''Aisha:''' Hey, girls! So, how'd it go? :'''Stella:''' Fine. Musa, what did you do to your hair? :'''Musa:''' A little change of style. :'''Stella:''' Very nice! And I just updated my wardrobe with a new dress! :'''Musa:''' Can we see it? ===Beauty Is a Beast=== :'''Bloom:''' I ask you to show me my birth parents, Oritel and Miriam. Show me what happened them. Sparx! That's when the Coven destroyed my planet. Oritel and Miriam. :'''Stella:''' Don't cry, sweetie. Oritel and Miriam were standing there, which must mean they're still alive. :'''Bloom:''' Do you really think that's what it means? :'''Stella:''' You asked the room to show what happened to them. So it must mean that they're out there somewhere. <hr width80%> :'''Chimera''': ''Your days as your father's little angel are over. By the power of Valtor, change. Transmit, transform, transmute!'' :(''casts the dark spell to turn Stella into a monster'') :'''Cassandra''': Radius, this monster is not your daughter. Listen to my voice, this monster is not your daughter, now do as I say. <hr width="50%" /> :'''Stella''': Tell the guards who I am! :'''Bloom''': Hey, this is Princess Stella! :'''Chimera''': That hideous monstrosity? That can't be Princess Stella. <hr width="50%" /> :'''Musa''': I have the feeling were not gonna be invited to the next party! :'''Bloom''': We'll be happy if we just get out of here in one piece. :'''Stella''': Hey! ''[Flora screams]'' Oh no, I'm so ugly I even scare my own friends! :'''Flora''': I'm sorry, Stella, I didn't mean to scream. Come here, sweetie! <hr width="50%" /> :'''Flora''': Since there's no hip-hop in this palace, how about rap? Ivy rap, that is. <hr width="50%" /> :'''Guard 1''': Get the monster! :'''Bloom''': That's not a monster, it's Princess Stella! :'''Guard 2''': She's lying. Our princess could never look that hideous. :'''Guard 1''': He's right! Get her! ===Pretty, Pretty Princess=== :'''Musa''': Wow, this rain, it's like anti-magic. :'''Tecna''': It weakened our spells and strength but luckily, we still have enough Winx left to save Stella. :'''Stella''': The way I look, I probably be better off if you hadn't. :'''Bloom''': We'll get you changed back, Stella, but in the meantime, I think you're kind of cuddly. :'''Flora''': Yeah, kind of like a cross between a frog and a bear or on second thought, maybe a dragon. :'''Stella''': I'm green, I'm hideous, and I'm giving a whole new meaning of the term, bloated! :'''Bloom''': It's a spell. We'll figure out a way to break it. <hr width="50%" /> :'''Bloom''': Hold on, are we forgetting something? :'''Musa''': Narrow passageway, plus-size fairy? Not good. :'''Stella''': Plus-size fairy?! That's not very nice! :'''Bloom''': We got you, Stella! :'''Musa''': And I didn't mean anything by calling you plus-size. :'''Stella''': Musa, you're too concern with your figure. <hr width="50%" /> :'''Bloom''': The leeches are gone! Thanks, Stella, you saved us! :'''Stella''': Hey, I might not be pretty, but I'm still tough! <hr width="50%" /> :'''Brandon''': Hey there, beautiful! :'''Stella''': Way to go, inner self! You got it going on! :'''Brandon''': Say what? :'''Stella''': Come on! ===The Mirror of Truth=== : '''Faragonda:''' Sophomores have be able to achieve their Charmix. This year, you must acquire your Enchantix. This is your final fairy form, which will give you access to far greater powers; such as fairy dust and miniaturization. The test will find you at a critical moment in time. You must rescue someone from your own world. This the only way you can earn your Enchantix. And the only way for you to protect your worlds from evil and destruction. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' Rescue someone from my own world? But everyone on Sparx disappeared a long time ago. Unless Oritel and Miriam are still alive, then no one from my world is left. And I'll never get my Enchantix. <hr width=70%/> :'''Brandon''': Stella... :'''Stella''': You don't understand! :'''Brandon''': I do! :'''Stella''': You see me as my old self because of Flora's spell! :'''Brandon''': Stella, maybe this isn't the best time to tell you this, but I can see what you look like. :'''Stella''': Hmm? But how is that possible? :'''Brandon''': Flora's illusion spell wore off back on the ship. :'''Stella''': And you can still look at me even though I look like a hideous monster? :'''Brandon''': You're still the same beautiful person inside. You still have the same heart, Stella. Girls, tell her what you see when you look at her. :'''Tecna''': I see a totally honest person, who always says what's on her mind. :'''Flora''': Is cheerful and upbeat and fun. :'''Musa''': A kind of crazy fairy that makes me laugh. :'''Bloom''': And I see a best friend forever. :'''Stella''': Do you really think all that about me? I always thought people just thought I was pretty. ===Mission to Tides=== :'''Bloom:''' Every time you mention Baltor's name, I have these visions. Weird visions of Sparx. And what's even weirder is that I see things I couldn't have seen 'cause I was just a baby. And then everything starts racing through my head until it all goes to black!! <hr width80%> :'''Icy:''' This new power Baltor gave me is cool. :'''Darcy:''' Baltor gave you a new power? :'''Stormy''': We know she's his favorite. But don't worry: she'll mess it up just like she always does. :'''Icy''': Spoken like a real witch, but true, although perhaps Baltor will be different. Nah. Eventually he'll disappoint me, but in the meantime, it could be fun. <hr width=70%/> :'''Baltor:''' Let's see if what they say is true. So it is you, the lost heiress to the throne of Sparx. <hr width=70%/> : '''Stormy:''' I can't wait to crush those fairies. : '''Baltor:''' Yes, go. Just make sure to leave Bloom out for me. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' You think you'd understand the balance of power by now, Icy! Whenever you face us, you lose! <hr width=70%/> : '''Baltor:''' Don't worry, Bloom. I don't want to harm you. I just wanted to see you face-to-face. : '''Bloom:''' You're destroying all of Tides, you've turned wondrous mermaids into horrible monsters! what is it you want, Baltor? What are you after? : '''Baltor:''' I just what belonged to me a long time ago. And I'm here as an old and forgotten courtesy to warn you to say out of my way. : '''Bloom:''' What do you mean by an old courtesy? : '''Baltor:''' You and I share a common past, Bloom. A shared history; something you're far too young to remember. ===The Mermaid Queen=== *Layla achieves her Enchantix form and greater water-controlling powers by sacrificing herself for her aunt, Queen Leshia. <hr width80%> :'''Bloom:''' I don't know if my fire spells will work underwater. <hr width80%> : '''Bloom:''' It's Layla's Enchantix. : '''Musa:''' It's beautiful. : '''Flora:''' It's totally amazing. : '''Bloom:''' Congratulations, Layla. Your sacrifice for Queen Leshia earned you your Enchantix powers. : '''Layla:''' So what? : '''Bloom:''' what do you mean "so what?" : '''Layla:''' I still can't see, Bloom. Everything is still dark. ===Royal Behavior=== : '''Faragonda:''' What happened to your friend is both terrible and wonderful. A dark spell has taken her sight. However, Layla was able to achieve her final fairy form. She now has Enchantix powers and that means she is strong enough to break Baltor's spell by herself. There is healing energy in the fairy dust on your new wings. If you concentrate hard, you be able to release it. Feel it all around you, dear. You don't need your eyes to see it. : '''Layla:''' I can see! I can see! : '''Faragonda:''' Fairy dust upon the wings of an Enchantix is one of strongest healing elements in the magical universe. <hr width=70%/> : '''Faragonda:''' There are things you must know about Baltor. things that connect him to you. : '''Bloom:''' Baltor said something like that on Tides, but I didn't know what he was talking about. : '''Faragonda:''' This book will explain to you what happened. What you see here is the Company of Light, a group of noble warriors who fought the three Ancient Witches. : '''Bloom:''' Baltor was with the Ancient Witches? : '''Faragonda:''' Yes. They are the ones who created him. At the beginning of the magical universe, when the Great Dragon was born, a tiny spark of its Fire fell into the darkness. The witches' took that dark ember and used it to create him. Now, the Company of Light was founded by your birth parents, Oritel and Miriam. <hr width80%> :'''Bloom:''' But if nobody really knows what happened to them, do you think it's possible they could be...? :'''Faragonda:''' What, dear? :'''Bloom:''' Well, that my parents could still be alive somewhere? :'''Faragonda:''' Bloom, I can't tell you. Nobody can. :'''Bloom:''' Nobody but Baltor! He's the last one saw my parents! He knows the answer! :'''Faragonda:''' Bloom, you must be very careful! Baltor is a vengeful creature, and if he finds out who you are he's going to try to destroy you! ===Dark Sky=== *Stella earns her Enchantix form and powers by saving her father King Radius from a dragon. <hr width80%> : '''Layla:''' Whoa! My Enchantix power has made this rubber glue spell a thousand times stronger. If I were you guys, I'd stop firing right now. <hr width=70%/> : '''Baltor:''' Bloom's heart is hurting. This loss will make her weak, which is exactly how I want her. ===Operation: Boyfriend Rescue=== :'''Stella''': ''[trying to figure out if she should call Brandon]'' On the one hand, he has a lot to do on Erakylon, but I am not the type of girl you don't check in on. Never have been, never will be, don't wanna be. <hr width="50%" /> :'''Riven''': How about operation let the dude choose, I mean your all assuming Sky wants to be rescued? :'''Bloom''': How could you say that!?! <hr width=70%/> : Stella: It's gonna be the end all right, but not for us! (''Transforms into her Enchantix form'') ''Shower of Light''. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' I don't want to fight you, Sky, I just want to talk to you. Then if you really want, I'll get out of your life for good. : '''Sky:''' You'll get out of it right now! : '''Stella:''' Hey, have it! :(''Blasts him with solar energy, revealing an all too familiar mark on his left forearm'') :'''Stella:''' That's Baltor's mark. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' Somehow, Baltor must have met up with Diaspro. And that goblet she gave him must have been his potion. : '''Musa:''' That's gonna be a strong spell, but maybe fairy dust can break it. : '''Stella:''' Coming right up. ===Attack of the Zombie Witches=== *Musa earns her Enchantix by refusing to leave Princess Galatea of Melody (the Harmonic Realm) behind. <hr width80%> : '''Musa:''' ''No!'' Never! ''I am not leaving you!!'' <hr width70%> : '''Princess Galatea:''' Oh, Musa. You've got your Enchantix. : '''Musa:''' Cool! Maybe I can stop this fire. And since it was dark magic that took your wings, some fairy dust should bring them back, too. ===Missing in Action=== : '''Flora:''' The trees were too scared, so they turned away. : '''Bloom:''' The trees were scared of Baltor? <hr width=70%/> (''Seeing Ms. Faragonda one with an oak tree'') : '''Bloom:''' Oh no. Ms. Faragonda. : '''Stella:''' Trans-combined with a tree? : '''Bloom:''' We have to do something! Especially for everything Ms. F's done for us. I only made this far as a fairy because of you. : '''Musa:''' Ms. Faragonda, I don't know if you can hear me. But trust me. We're gonna save you. ===Tears of the Black Willow=== *Flora achieves her Enchantix powers by saving her younger sister Rose (Miele). <hr width80%> : '''Flora:''' Everybody, this is my sister Rose. <hr width70%> : '''Stella:''' Welcome to the Enchantix squad, Musa. : '''Musa:''' I love my new wings. : '''Layla:''' Can you feel just how powerful is in them? <hr width70%> :'''Rose:''' Your friends are really brave. <hr width70%> :'''Bloom:''' Did you hear that, Tecna? :'''Tecna:''' Let's not try to disappoint her. :(''Fires a ray of virtual energy'') <hr width70%> : '''Stormy:''' Say goodbye, goody-goody! : '''Rose:''' No! :(''Takes the blast that was meant for her elder sister'') : '''Flora:''' Rose! ''That was my sister!'' <hr width70%> : '''Flora:''' Miele, why didn't you go back home?/Why didn't you go back home, Rose? : '''Miele/Rose:''' I just wanted to see what would happen./I just wanted to be brave. : '''Flora:''' I love you, my little blossom.../I'm not going to make it, sweetie. : '''Miele/Rose:''' Wait! Flora! : '''Flora:''' Bubble, bring her up!/Bubble, bring her to the surface. : '''Miele/Rose:''' FLORA, NOOOOOOO!!!!!! <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' Rose! What happened? Where's Flora? : '''Rose:''' She saved me. <hr width70%> : '''Layla:''' Congratulations, Flora. You got your Enchantix powers. : '''Rose:''' Thanks for saving me, Flora. : '''Flora:''' Hey, you saved me first. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' You three, stop misbehaving or we may have to spank you! ===Point of No Return=== *Tecna achieves her Enchantix powers due her self-sacrifice in closing the Omega portal and saving the realm of Tides, even it means of her being trapped in there. * When Bloom is screaming for Tecna, a closeup of her horrified face shows the makeup of her Enchantix attire, even though she has not yet achieved it. <hr width80%> : '''Flora:''' ''Ivy Rescue Vine''. :(''Stops Stella's fall'') <hr width=70%/> : '''Tecna:''' I can do this! : '''Flora:''' No, Tecna! Don't go in there! : '''Bloom:''' Tecna!! <hr width=70%/> : '''Layla:''' Let go! she can't risk her life for my planet! : '''Tibok:''' If she has chosen to go forward, you must let her do it. Perhaps she will be the one to close the gate. Perhaps this act of sacrifice is her destiny. <hr width=70%/> :(''Tecna has just achieved her Enchantix form and far stronger technology/data-based powers'') : '''Musa:''' What's she gonna do with the fairy dust? : '''Bloom:''' She's using it to force her way inside the portal!! <hr width=70%/> : '''Baltor:''' I must say, those fairies are certainly not afraid of sacrifice. : '''Stormy:''' Yeah, and they're lucky, too. They survived the Omega gate. : '''Darcy:''' Well, all but Tecna. : '''Icy:''' Which means there are only five fairies left for us to finish off. ===Payback!=== * The Nickelodeon title for this episode is "Revenge!" * Bloom is now the only Winx Club member who remains in her standard Winx/Fairy form. <hr width70%> : '''Flora:''' Tecna was a great fairy. : '''Layla:''' And she saved the entire realm of Tides with her sacrifice. : '''Timmy:''' Tecna's not gone! She's just trapped! : '''Riven:''' Tecna's disappeared inside the Omega portal! : '''Musa:''' And the gate closed forever, Timmy. <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' The Winx Club was the six of us together. It's just not the same without Tecna. : '''Musa:''' Maybe we should end it, like disband the group. : '''Stella:''' I hate to say it, but I agree. :'''Layla:''' It's the right thing. <hr width70%> :'''Bloom:''' It's over, Baltor!! :(''Baltor strikes Musa and Flora with his evil magic'') : '''Bloom:''' ''Dragon Fury'' : '''Baltor:''' Your powers are strong, Bloom, just like your mother's. : '''Bloom:''' What?! : '''Baltor:''' Miriam, the queen of planet Sparx. : '''Bloom:''' My mother? What do ''you'' know about her!? : '''Baltor:''' I defeated her. :<hr width=70%/> : '''Baltor:''' Your birth parents, Oritel and Miriam, were the leaders of the Company of Light. A bunch of do-good-er warriors who fought to save the magical dimension. : '''Musa:''' ''Base Boom''. : '''Baltor:''' I recently visited a planet whose magic was all about silence. Let me show you one of the strong spells I took from them. :(''Traps Musa in a soundproof bubble'') : '''Flora:''' ''Ivy Vine Wrap''. : '''Baltor:''' And for you, some magic of the cave dwellers of the Under Realm. They like total darkness. Flowers can't survive long without light, right? <hr width70%> : '''Baltor:''' So do you want to fight or do you want to hear about your parents, Bloom? : '''Bloom:''' I'm listening. : '''Baltor:''' I met Oritel and Miriam when I was a young wizard. I was the one who faced them in their final battle. First I trapped Miriam with a spell I learned from the dwellers of the dark dimension. Of course, King Oritel came to rescue her as I knew he would. Your birth father was very powerful. I could never have defeated him unless he lowered his guard to save your mother. While he used his magic to save his beloved, I used mine to send them both to Oblivion. And that's how it ended for your birth parents, Oritel and Miriam, the great king and queen of planet Sparx. I'm so glad we could share that story. :(''a furious Bloom is overflowing with Dragon Fire energy'') : '''Bloom:''' ''Why you!!'' : '''Baltor:''' Come on! Show me what you've got! Do it for Sparx! Do it for your parents! : (''A thoroughly enraged Bloom releases a tremendous amount of Dragon Fire energy'') :'''Baltor:''' ''Oposotius''. And so goes the last survivor of the planet Sparx. Destroyed by her own magic. <hr width=70%/> : '''Stella:''' This calls for some fairy dust. : '''Griffin:''' I see you made progress. I remember when Faragonda first got her Enchantix. All my best spells became useless against her. <hr width80%> :'''Faragonda:''' Stella, get us out of here! :'''Bloom:''' NO!! we have to beat him! For Tecna and for Miriam and Oritel!! :'''Faragonda:''' I'm sorry, Bloom, but not today. <hr width80%> :'''Faragonda:''' There is just one place you can go to become stronger, Bloom. It is called Pyros, also known as the Island of Dragons. The power you can get there is great, but the dangers are severe. :'''Bloom:''' I don't care! Baltor destroyed my parents and took Tecna! If will help me beat him, then I'll do it. <hr width80%> :'''Baltor:''' I cannot allow the heir to the throne of Sparx to survive! :'''Icy:''' How about we just go get Bloom for you? :'''Darcy:''' Yeah. We'll wait till she's away from her friends. :'''Baltor:''' Good. Go and bring her here, then we'll destroy her together. ===The Island of Dragons=== *Bloom has a vision of her ghostly elder sister Daphne. <hr width80%> : '''Daphne:''' Bloom. Bloom. : '''Bloom:''' Daphne? : '''Daphne:''' You must find your inner dragon. : '''Bloom:''' My inner dragon? What dragon? : '''Daphne:''' Your dragon. <hr width=70%/> : '''Layla:''' ''Enchanted Morfix''. : '''Guard:''' I don't like stepping stuff, and I don't like pink! ===The Power Within=== *The Nickelodeon title is "Building Hope." *Bloom earns her immense Enchantix by "being fearless and open to her powers". However, it dangerously incomplete as she did not earn it via bravery and self-sacrifice but rather through sheer willpower. In the Nickelodeon version, she earns it by refusing to let Baltor win. <hr width80%> :'''Baltor:''' I don't know how, but Tecna has managed to communicate from the Omega Dimension. :'''Icy:''' But that's impossible. :'''Baltor:''' And now they're going to get a rescue party together, fly there and bring her back to Alfea. :'''Icy:''' And do you want us to ruin their party? :'''Baltor:''' No. What I want you to do is go deal with Bloom. :'''Stormy:''' I am totally game for that. :'''Icy:''' I'm always game for messin' up Bloom. :'''Baltor:''' Bloom is strengthening her already impressive powers. She's training on an island called Pyros. :'''Icy:''' I'm guessing you want us to mess up Bloom's little island vacation? <hr width80%> : '''Bloom:''' My name is Bloom and I came to Pyros to get stronger. And so far, I found my inner dragon, and that's good and all. But I'm still not strong enough and I don't what else to do to make that happen. : '''Maya:''' If you want to get stronger, you must open your heart and your mind. I can see that the universe has given you a mission. You are destined to battle an evil force. You possess plenty of power to destroy it. : '''Bloom:''' You can really see all that? : '''Maya:''' I see it clearly. <hr width=70%/> : '''Maya:''' You want to ask me about your Enchantix? : '''Bloom:''' Yes. Even though there's no one left from my realm, is it still possible for me to earn it? : '''Maya:''' Many things are possible on Pyros that are not possible elsewhere. For you to achieve your goal, Bloom, you must let go of your fear. : '''Bloom:''' Is losing all your fear really possible? <hr width=70%/> : '''Musa:''' ''Sound Wave Attack''. : '''Stella:''' Can't have sound without light. ''Sunbeam Shower''. <hr width=70%/> : '''Maya:''' I have something for you. Here. Take this, so you can always remember the lessons you leaned on Pyros. : '''Bloom:''' That's so pretty. What's in it? : '''Maya:''' Every magical place and every magical being has a unique essence. And this contains the essence of Pyros. And now I'm going to help you let go of fear and believe in your ability to get what you want. Sit. When you do these things, you'll understand your true essence. And that's how you get stronger. : '''Bloom:''' I feel like I'm getting there, I just wish I had my Enchantix. : '''Maya:''' I believe that it's within you. I believe that you can find your Enchantix if you truly set your mind to it. <hr width70%> :(''Bloom breaks out of the ice cube'') : '''Darcy:''' Whoa! She got stronger. : '''Icy:''' It seems like our little friend learned a new trick or two at Loser Bootcamp. <hr width70%> : '''Icy:''' Just so you know, after we capture you, we're bringing you back to Baltor: : '''Bloom''' (''thinking'')''':''' Baltor! I've had ''enough'' of Baltor! I believe. I believe I have the power in me. ''I'm gonna use it to stop Baltor! And it's starting right here, right now with these witches!'' :(''Starts overflowing with great mystical energy'') :'''Bloom:'''I am fearless and open to my powers! :(''transforms into her Enchantix form for the first time'') :'''Bloom:''' ''Enchanted Sphere''. :(''Encases the Trix sisters inside an orb of Dragon Fire'') :'''Bloom:''' This is my island, witches! <hr width70%> :'''Maya:''' I knew you had it in you. : '''Bloom:''' Did you see that, Maya? I believed that I could do it, and I got my Enchantix. : '''Maya:''' Yes you did. You found your inner dragon, and now you've unlocked your deepest source of power. And for that, you should be very proud of yourself. You came to Pyros looking for more strength. But because of your courage, what you ended up finding was even bigger than any magical power you could ever have. Listen. You are finding yourself and there is nothing more powerful than that. Now go back to Alfea and put your gift to good use. ===The Omega Mission=== *Bloom was unable to transform at first, due to her Enchantix being dangerously incomplete. <hr width80%> : '''Bloom:''' I was able to grow so much, and I got way more in touch with my powers, but... : '''Griselda:''' There's always a "but." : '''Bloom:''' I don't understand how I got my Enchantix without saving anybody from my realm. : '''Faragonda:''' You've became a rare exception to the rules of fairies, a very rare exception. On Pyros, you used all of your willpower. And your belief in yourself was powerful that it simply transformed you. It's as if you willed yourself into an Enchantix. :'''Griselda:''' Very impressive. :'''Bloom:''' Thanks a lot. <hr width70%> :''[Bloom and Sky are on the bench]'' :'''Sky''': I didn't go to the omega dimension prison has dead prisoners because I was put under active control at Red fountain, but when I heard you were back I asked Codatorta to escort me special permission. :'''Bloom''': And cause you were so nice he said yes? :'''Sky''': Exactly yeah. :''[They hug]'' :'''Bloom''': Who told you I was back from pyros. :'''Sky''': That's confidential Imfornation bloom sorry. :''[Amore comes out from behind the bench]'' :'''Amore''': I told himbecause of true love. :''[Bloom and Sky leave each other and blush]'' :'''Chatta''': Amore! :'''Amore''': What, what's wrong with what I said? :'''Tune''': Look! You made them both blush! <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' I wish I could go with you, Tecna, but I haven't been able to transform since I got back from Pyros. :'''Tecna:''' Then we'll walk. <hr width70%> :'''Tecna:''' What are you doing, Bloom? You can't transform. :'''Bloom:''' I'm gonna have to. <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' Musa's fairy dust must have fixed whatever was keeping me from transforming. So what do you say we take this snake out, get our guys, and head for home? <hr width80%> :'''Stella:''' I think your new mega dragon attack finished him off. :'''Musa:''' Alright! Way to go, Bloom. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' Wait a second. It's not over yet. : '''Layla:''' What are you talking about, Bloom? : '''Musa:''' That snake is history : '''Bloom:''' No it's not, you guys. When my dragon form collided with it, we formed a kind of instant connection. And now it's speaking to me or as long as I'm hearing what it's thinking. : '''Flora:'''And what is it telling you, Bloom? : '''Bloom:''' It's telling that is the ice snake's purpose to keep all things imprisoned. And since its part of the Omega Dimension itself, Is impossible to destroy. ===Day at the Museum=== : '''Bloom:''' ''Dragon Energy''. : '''Tecna:''' A logical strategy. Increasing the air friction around the creature should slow it down. : '''Layla:''' She's losing control. : '''Flora:''' Griselda, you have to do something! : '''Faragonda:''' Not just yet. Give her a second. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' Did I do it? : '''Faragonda:''' You successfully repelled the negotiator, yes. But your magic was out of control. Bloom, I'm not going to lie to you. Your Enchantix power is dangerously incomplete. The others have a power that was born out of sacrifice. But your Enchantix was created by pure force of will. It's not the same thing at all. : '''Bloom:''' All that I really care about, Ms. F, is that my power works against Baltor. And it should do that, don't you think? : '''Faragonda:''' I'm not sure how your power will work. And speaking of Baltor, he's disappeared. : '''Bloom:''' What do you mean? I thought he was a Cloud Tower. : '''Faragonda:''' He escaped. But on the plus side, Cloud Tower is safe again. : '''Bloom:''' That's great. But...Baltor is the only one who knows what happened to my birth parents, Oritel and Miriam. So I have to find him and make him tell me. <hr width=70%/> : '''Baltor:''' Well, look at you. Enchantix and Dragon Fire together. Finally, a decent challenge. : '''Bloom:''' Come and get me, Baltor! The protection glass is magic-proof. Your spells won't go through it!! : '''Baltor:''' Yes, but they will go around it. :(''Throws a ball of fire, but Bloom's orange fairy dust purifies it'') <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' The Dragon Fire and the Enchantix aren't what's going to beat you Baltor. It's six Enchantix together! <hr width70%> : '''Baltor:''' Bloom, someday I'll get that little fairy dust pendant right from your neck and add it to my collection of trinkets. But I'm afraid I'm going to fight all of you today. Just ''you!!'' ===Biker Wedding Crashers=== : '''Stella:''' Stop right there! As long as I'm around, you'll never become the queen of Solaria! : '''Cassandra''': Stella! : '''Stella:''' People of Solaria, this monster and her wannabee daughter have bewitched your king! : '''Cassandra:''' Don't listen to her! She's lying! <hr width70%> : '''Stella:''' No! Daddy! : '''Chimera:''' Daddy can't hear you. : '''Stella:''' Can you not take a hint!!? <hr width70%> : '''King Radius:''' Who are you? : '''Stella:''' I'm your daughter, Daddy. Your Stella. Don't you remember? You used to call me Stella-my-Bella and my little ray of sunshine. : '''King Radius:''' I don't recall. : '''Stella:''' Stupid, Baltor! No way is he taking my father away from me!! Fairy dust!! ===The Golden Kingdom=== : '''Musa:''' See what you think of this. ''Sound Cage''. :(''Bloom is encased in a dome of sound, but easily overwhelms it with a mighty burst of Dragon Fire energy'') :'''Musa:''' Man, I channeled all my Winx into that attack. : '''Flora:''' OK. Guess I'm up next. Don't take this personally. <hr width=70%/> : '''Lockette:''' You leave Bloom alone. : '''Stella:''' Don't worry. We're not really fighting. : '''Bloom:''' Yeah. Since Baltor and I both get our power from the Dragon Fire, we figured that we found a way to beat my power, we can use to beat his. But so far, no luck. <hr width=70%/> : '''Tecna:''' I've got it! I know how to defeat the Dragon Fire! According to the book, at the beginning of the magical universe when the Great Dragon was born, another opposite force was created as well. This opposite force was contained in Water Stars. : '''Amore:''' But, Tecna, Water Stars don't exist anymore. : '''Tecna:''' In this dimension they don't. : '''Bloom:''' What do you mean by that? :'''Tecna:''' Because they're naturally opposed to each other, the Dragon Fire and Water Stars couldn't exist in the same dimension. So the Ancient Wizards came together and opened a portal to seal them off from our dimension. : '''Bloom:''' Where are they now? : '''Tecna:''' In the Golden Kingdom. <hr width=70%/> : '''Icy:''' I felt something really gross, like the way a sunset feels. : '''Baltor:''' It was a wave of positive energy. And there's only one place it could've come from- the Golden Kingdom. Show me the Red Tower! So they have gone to the Golden Kingdom. For Water Stars. Here! Take this and destroy Bloom now. That's my girl. : '''Darcy:''' Icy's your girl? : '''Baltor:''' You're all my girls! Now go! ===The Crystal Labyrinth=== : '''Sky:''' Looks like some kind of ancient language. Can any of you guys read it? : '''Bloom:''' It says "only those who are pure of heart may enter." <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' I have an idea. Since our fairy dust is anti-darkness, I bet if we spray it on ourselves it should remove all traces of darkness from us. : '''Stella:''' What darkness? : '''Timmy:''' Everybody's got some kind of darkness. Like vanity. : '''Stella:''' Oh. <hr width70%> : '''Musa:''' We're miniaturizing. : '''Tecna:''' I guess the time was right. : '''Bloom:''' I couldn't do it. Since my Enchantix wasn't earned the same way as yours, Ms. Faragonda said it may have limitations. But I want you girls to on ahead. We need the Water Stars. They're our only hope to stop Baltor. <hr width=70%/> : '''Icy:''' Looks like it's just you and me, Bloom. : '''Bloom:''' You don't have a chance, Icy! : '''Icy:''' 'Cause of your big bad Enchantix powers? well, Baltor wanted me to give you ''this!'' Anti-dark dust from the dark dimension. It renders you powerless. How do you like my chances now? What should we do with you, Bloom? I know! How about we reenact the night we first met? I seem to remember putting you into a block of ice! ===The Wizard's Challenge=== <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' I think we should try a more practical approach. If they activate when they come into contact with Dragon Fire energy, then maybe I'm the key to unleashing their full power. : '''Musa:''' But remember, Boom, if they can destroy Baltor because of his Dragon Fire then they can destroy you too. : '''Bloom:''' I know it's very risky for me, but I don't we have a choice. <hr width70%> : '''Tecna:''' No one's allowed in here without a library card!! : '''Layla:''' ''Morfix Shield''. : '''Flora:''' ''Ivy Vine Wrap''. : '''Stella:''' ''Solarian Sunbeam''. : '''Bloom:''' ''Dragon Fury''. <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' I know it's risky, you guys, but I try to activate the Water Stars. : '''Stella:''' Wait! Don't do it, Bloom! You don't know how they could affect you! : '''Baltor:''' What they do to me, they'll do to you. : '''Flora:''' We can do this without the Water Stars. : '''Bloom:''' Flora, you know we can't. They're our only hope. ''Dragon Essence''. : '''Flora:''' Bloom are you OK? : '''Bloom:''' I'm fine, but what about Baltor? <hr width=70%> : '''Bloom:''' Baltor, it's over. : '''Baltor:''' If you destroy me, Bloom, you'll also destroy your parents. : '''Bloom:''' What!? What are you talking about!? : '''Baltor:''' They're inside of me. As I'm sure you are aware, when I fought the final battle between your birth parents, Oritel and Miriam, they defeated me. : '''Bloom:''' Yeah? : '''Baltor:''' But what you don't know is just before they sent me away, I cast an absorption spell and imprisoned them in my body. And so, Bloom, if you destroy me, they will be gone forever, too. : '''Bloom''' (''tearful'')''':''' Oh no, that's... : '''Layla:''' Baltor just escaped. ===The Witches' Crypt=== * The Nickelodeon title is "Finding the Truth" * Bloom discovers that her biological parents are very much alive, in a dark realm separate from the magical universe itself. <hr width70%> :'''Faragonda:''' No, I don't know if Baltor is telling the truth about your parents or if's just trying to trick you to gain an advantage in the battle. But if he is telling the truth and he did use an absorption spell, then his fate and your parents will be one and the same. :'''Bloom:''' I thought my strong connection with Baltor was because both of our powers come from the Dragon Fire, but maybe there's another reason. :'''Faragonda:''' And what do you think that is, Bloom? :'''Bloom:''' Maybe what I'm actually hearing is my parents trapped inside of him! That they're calling out to me, begging me to help them. <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' Let's try to add the magical energy of the Water Stars to our Enchantix powers. : '''Musa:''' Good idea, Bloom. But what about their affect on you? : '''Bloom:''' They only affect me once they're activated. So I'll put up a shield to protect myself. : '''Stella:''' All right! Let's activate them! <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' I wish I could go along with you, but my Enchantix power is still incomplete. And no matter what I try, it won't let me miniaturize. : '''Stella:''' Don't worry, Bloom. We got it covered. <hr width70%> :'''Bloom:''' You did it! You broke Baltor's spell! :'''Stella:''' It was just as easy as changing my sweater back. <hr width70%> :'''Baltor:''' You know all about the power of laughter, don't you? Well, soon you'll learn about the power of tears. : '''Icy:''' You and Bloom are inseparable. It's like there's some fate aura drawing you two together. : '''Baltor:''' And I think you three are linked to Bloom. But the sad fact of the matter is that neither of you has or ever has had what it takes to destroy her. : '''Icy:''' It's her Enchantix that's the problem. : '''Darcy:''' It gives her advantage. : '''Baltor:''' Sounds like an excuse to me. But then again, maybe you're right. Maybe all we need to do is level the playing field and give you ladies your own new power. Something we can call your Disenchantix. I'm going to cast a spell on you from the misery dimension. ''Power of the wind, power of ice, power darkness, it's time to grow. Draw from the void of misery and thieve and flourish''. Now you have your own version of the Enchantix, only way cooler. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' This is the presence Ms. Faragonda sensed. I feel it. Show yourself dark witches! : '''Belladonna:''' Heiress to the throne of Sparx, you have come to inquire about the fate of your birth parents, Oritel and Miriam, have you not? : '''Bloom:''' Yes. I want to know what happened to them! I want to know where they are! : '''Lysslis:''' Do you want the truth or simply something that will comfort you? : '''Bloom:''' I want the truth about what happened, no matter how hard it is to hear! : '''Belladonna:''' Then the truth is exactly what we will tell you. :'''Bloom:''' Huh? :'''Belladonna:''' Your parents, the King and Queen of Sparx, are not prisoners in Baltor's body. That was a trap he set for you. Oritel and Miriam are alive. : '''Bloom''' (''relieved'')''':''' Alive!? Where are they? : '''Lysslis:''' In a place far away. Not in this realm or even this dimension. : '''Bloom:''' Nothing is too far away for me! Tell me where they are and I'll go there! : '''Belladonna:''' It is not a place you can go! And that is all we will say! : '''Bloom:''' No! Wait! I want to know where my parents are! You can't leave me like this! ''You can't!'' <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' Baltor lied to me. He didn't capture my birth parents, and they aren't trapped inside of him. And now that know this, I can fight him with all of my might and all my power. ===The Spell of the Elements=== *The Nickelodeon title is "Valtor's Fury" <hr width70%> : '''Baltor:''' I am unbeatable!! : '''Icy:''' It sure didn't look that way, dude. : '''Darcy:''' Yeah. No offense, but those Water Stars knocked you on your unbeatable butt. : '''Stormy:''' Maybe you need to get some new spells and, you know, bulk up. : '''Icy:''' Yeah. Like get some new buff in the Magix department. (''the Trix laugh'') : '''Baltor:''' SILENCE!! ''I am Baltor! I am the greatest wizard in the magical universe!!'' ''Do not dare challenge me!!'' <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' We're still going to beat you Baltor. As long as there's a single once of energy in our bodies, we'll fight you! : '''Baltor:''' Here! See how you like ''this!'' :(''Blasts Bloom with the Water Stars immeasurable, mystical energy'') The Water Stars are painful, aren't they, Bloom? : '''Stella:''' To me, they're no different than a regular blast. : '''Tecna:''' Same goes for me. : '''Musa:''' Come on, girls! We have to protect Bloom. <hr width=70%/> : '''Baltor:''' Oblivion awaits you, Bloom! The same place I sent your parents! Fairy dust can't stop me. I'm not a dark spell and neither are the Water Stars. <hr width=70%> : '''Layla:''' I'm' going in. : '''Stella:''' Wait! Don't. We have to trust that Bloom knows what she's doing. : '''Musa:''' What if she doesn't? :(''Bloom collapses, due to repeated energy blasts from the Water Stars'') : '''Flora:''' Oh no. : '''Baltor:''' And so goes the last survivor to the throne of Sparx. <hr width=70%/> : '''Baltor:''' You five are next. : '''Stella:''' Before you start firing, you might wanna check your box. It looks like it's leaking. : '''Baltor:''' What!? NO!! : '''Stella:''' Bloom's fairy dust may not have affected you, but it busted your stash of spells right open. <hr width70%> :'''Baltor:''' You three get back here, right now!! :'''Icy:''' I wish we had time ti discuss this, but let's make one thing clear: You and us, we're over!! :'''Darcy:''' Yeah, see ya, loser. :'''Stormy:''' Buh-bye. ===A New Beginning/Fire and Flame/The Final Battle=== * This Season Three finale is followed by ''The Secret of the Lost Kingdom'' 3D CGI movie. <hr width70%> : '''Stella:''' That was an ''Enchantix Sunburst''. You should be gone. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' There's no point in fighting this thing. The only way I can beat is to attack the one who controls it. Find Baltor! And hit him where he hides!! (''Fires an orb of Dragon Fire, which unexpectedly hits Baltor from behind'') This thing stopped, which means I must have hit Baltor. <hr width=70%/> : '''Ancient Witches:''' Baltor. Baltor. : '''Baltor:''' Who are you!? : '''Ancient Witches:''' Is it possible that you forgot about us, Baltor? : '''Baltor:''' Show yourself! : '''Ancient Witches:''' You don't give orders to us, Baltor! ''We'' give orders to ''you''! : '''Baltor:''' The three Ancestresses. : '''Ancient Witches:''' You disappointed us, Baltor. So we're calling you back from this world! : '''Baltor:''' You think you can make me go back with you!? You three may have created me, but you do not control me! I've outgrown you and passed you by! What are you doing!? : '''Ancient Witches:''' From the limbo where we are exiled, we're not allowed to act on the outside world. But nothing can stop us from acting on ''you'', because you are ours, Baltor! : '''Baltor:''' No! Stop it!! : '''Ancient Witches:''' You failed! Your magic powers were squandered. And for that you must pay! We will take the part that is the wizard and leave the part that is the beast! You will be stronger and more brutal! Now go destroy all that is in your path! <hr width=70%/> : '''Layla:''' Not looking too good, Baltor. : '''Baltor:''' Soon you won't be either! : '''Layla:''' ''Morfix Bolt''. : '''Flora:''' ''Enchantix Ivy Wrap''. <hr width=70%/> :(''Combining Enchantix powers with Musa and Tecna'') : '''Stella:''' Enchantix convergence power. : '''Baltor:''' Is that it? : '''Stella:''' I thought that was pretty strong. : '''Bloom:''' As a beast, Baltor is much stronger than he was as a wizard. But I have an idea. There's a spell I learned on Pyros that just might work. <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' Power of the Flame, leave me. Go and find Baltor's fire. :(''A tiny orb-shaped spark of the Dragon Fire leaves her, causing her to faint'') <hr width70%> :'''Musa:''' Whoa, look. :'''Tecna:''' It's her Dragon Fire. <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' I did it, Baltor! I've traveled to the inner sanctum of your Dragon Fire. And now that I'm here, I'm gonna put out your Dragon Fire flame once and for all! <hr width70%> : '''Sky:''' Bloom, talk to me! :'''Stella:''' She's not here, Sky. She's over there, fighting for all of us. <hr width70%> :'''Valtor''': Thank you, Bloom. I was getting a little warm. :'''Bloom''': Valtor. :'''Valtor''': It was bold of you to come back here for sure. But what did you think you were going to achieve? :'''Bloom''': I guess that's what we're about to find out. :'''Valtor''': Come on, then. Attack me. Vent your anger. But remember this is not going to bring your birth parents back. :'''Bloom''': Shut up, Valtor! You don't know anything about them! :'''Valtor''': Oh yes I do. I know that I lied to you in the past and so, of course I totally understand if you don't believe me now. But the fact of the matter is it's the three ancient witches that are to blame for Oritel and Marion's demise. You should turn your rage on them. Join me. I'll regain control of my body and together, we will destroy the ancient witches. Their power as well as the magic knowledge of every single planet will be ours. We are the same, Bloom. Don't forget it. :'''Bloom''': We're nothing alike, Valtor. And once your fire is out, nothing will be left for you, I swear. :'''Valtor''': All right, then. I gave you one last chance. And now I'm going to destroy you! :'''Bloom''': Fairy Dust, extinguish the fire! <hr width70%> : '''Baltor:''' Your fairy dust erased the dark magic of the Ancestresses. : '''Bloom:''' But that's...! : '''Baltor:''' And now I am myself again- A wizard created from a dark ember of the Great Dragon's fire! : '''Bloom:''' I'm still gonna finish you off!! : '''Baltor:''' I have a better idea, Bloom. Something that will help me achieve my destiny, and you finally locate your birth parents. : '''Bloom:''' I don't believe you know anything about my birth parents!! : '''Baltor:''' But the Ancient Witches do. In fact, they hold the key to both our destinies: : For you finding Oritel and Miriam, and for me achieving the greatness that I deserve. So this is what I propose to you, Bloom: Turn your rage on the Ancestresses and join me. Together we will be strong enough to defeat them and make them give us what we want. You and I are the same, Bloom. We are book ends, matching pieces of the greatest ancient magic ever to exist. : '''Bloom:''' The only thing we have in common is our Dragon Fire! And right now, my is gonna fight yours until one of them is out. : '''Baltor:''' So be it. I gave you one last chance! And now I'm going to destroy you! : Bloom: Not if I destroy you first! ''Dragon Fire Fury''. <hr width=70%> : '''Faragonda:''' Well done, girls. Baltor's essence now rests with the Ancient Witches. <hr width70%> : '''Nabu:''' You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, Layla. :(''The two lovers share a loving hug'') <hr width70%> : '''Faragonda:''' Your Enchantix powers are still incomplete. But the courage you showed on Tides, tells me that you're ready, Bloom. I believe you now have what it takes to find the Ancient Witches, break their dark spell, and finally find your birth parents. : '''Bloom:''' I think I'm ready. Mom, Dad, I feel like we're going to meet really soon. ==Cast== ===Cinélume=== *Helena Evangeliou as Bloom *Jennifer Seguin as Stella *Holly Gauthier-Frankel as Flora *Sarah McCullough as Musa, Stormy, Zing, Matlin *Jodie Resther as Tecna, Daphne *Lucinda Davis as Layla, Digit *Cedric Kühle as Valtor *Eleanor Noble as Icy *Carrie Finley as Darcy *Danny Brochu as Sky *Mark Hauser as Brandon *Michael Yarmush as Timmy *Mitchell Rothpan as Riven *Martin Watier as Helia *Susan Glover as Griselda *Mary Smith as Amore === 4Kids === *Liza Jacquline as Bloom *Caren Manuel as Stella and Darcy *Lisa Adams as Stella (stand-in) * Kerry Williams as Flora, Francine, Amore, Rose * Lisa Ortiz as Musa, Icy, Digit, Mitzi, Matlin * Rebecca Soler as Tecna * Vashthy Mompoint as Layla * Sean Schemmel as Baltor * Suzy Myers as Stormy * Dan Green as Sky * Greg Abbey as Brandon * Michael Sinterniklaas as Riven * Sebastian Arcelus as Timmy and Palladium * Matt Charles as Ophir/Nabu * Pete Zarustica as Kiko and Wizgiz * Rachael Lillis as Faragonda, Barbatea, DuFour, Amaryl, Ortensia, Priscilla, Lucy, Ediltrude * Carol Jacobanis as Griffin * Michael Alston as Saladin * Marc Thompson as Knut, Avalon * Erica Schroeder as Daphne, Piff, Galatea * Su Meredith as Griselda * Kayzie Rogers as Vanessa * Stuart Zagnit as Mike * Veronica Taylor as Alice, Diaspro, and Zarathustra * Amy Palant as Mirta ===Atlas Oceanic=== *Molly C. Quinn as Bloom *Amy Gross as Stella *Alejandra Reynoso as Flora *Romi Dames as Musa *Morgan Deckner as Tecna *Keke Palmer as Aisha *Josh Keaton as Valtor *Larisa Oleynik as Icy *Jennifer Cody as Darcy *Kimberly Brooks as Stormy *Matt Shively as Sky *Adam Gregory as Brandon *David Faustino as Helia *Charlie Schlatter as Timmy *Sam Riegel as Riven *Will Blagrove as Ophir/Nabu * Kath Soucie as Cassandra * Rachael Macfarlane as Chimera *Kari Wahlgren as Faragonda, Narrator *Susanne Blakeslee as Griselda *Mitchell Whitfield as Palladium *Dee Bradley Baker as Kiko and Wizgiz * Grey DeLisle as Belladonna * Candi Milo as Lysslis * Laraine Newman as Tharma, Barbatea, Ligea, Maia * Laraine Newman as Ligea * Laura Bailey as Tressa * André Sogliuzzo as Radius * Jennifer Hale as Galatea * Jessica DiCicco as Miele * Jim Cummings as Taboc, Ice Spirits [[Category:Winx Club seasons]] 0e7a409osy026bhjxmusqn9tdynhfzn 3779030 3779029 2025-07-15T05:44:00Z 2601:84:C903:B4E0:CCD7:7A38:B89E:B671 /* Atlas Oceanic */ 3779030 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Seasons:''' [[Winx Club (season 1)|1]] [[Winx Club (season 2)|2]] [[Winx Club (season 3)|3]] [[Winx Club (season 4)|4]] [[Winx Club (season 5)|5]] [[Winx Club (season 6)|6]] [[Winx Club (season 7)|7]] | [[Winx Club|Main]] ---- '''''[[w:Winx Club|Winx Club]]''''' is an animated television series created by [[w:Iginio Straffi|Iginio Straffi]] and animated by [[w:Rainbow (company)|Rainbow SpA]], in co-production with [[w:Nickelodeon|Nickelodeon]] (Seasons 5 and 6) and [[w:Rai Fiction|Rai Fiction]]. ===The Princess' Ball/The Princess Ball/The Perfect Dress=== :'''Stella''': I'll take this one to Mom's, that one to Dad's... no, wait, I need the blue top for Mom's picnic. But then I should have the red dress for Dad's royal parade. :'''Amore''': The red dress is really beautiful, Stella. :'''Stella''': True. I should probably wear it to Mom's garden tea party. Do you know any cloning spells? :'''Amore''': Uh... nuh-uh. <hr width80%> :'''Musa:''' I'm gettin' my hair spelled. <hr width80%> :'''Aisha:''' Hey, girls! So, how'd it go? :'''Stella:''' Fine. Musa, what did you do to your hair? :'''Musa:''' A little change of style. :'''Stella:''' Very nice! And I just updated my wardrobe with a new dress! :'''Musa:''' Can we see it? ===Beauty Is a Beast=== :'''Bloom:''' I ask you to show me my birth parents, Oritel and Miriam. Show me what happened them. Sparx! That's when the Coven destroyed my planet. Oritel and Miriam. :'''Stella:''' Don't cry, sweetie. Oritel and Miriam were standing there, which must mean they're still alive. :'''Bloom:''' Do you really think that's what it means? :'''Stella:''' You asked the room to show what happened to them. So it must mean that they're out there somewhere. <hr width80%> :'''Chimera''': ''Your days as your father's little angel are over. By the power of Valtor, change. Transmit, transform, transmute!'' :(''casts the dark spell to turn Stella into a monster'') :'''Cassandra''': Radius, this monster is not your daughter. Listen to my voice, this monster is not your daughter, now do as I say. <hr width="50%" /> :'''Stella''': Tell the guards who I am! :'''Bloom''': Hey, this is Princess Stella! :'''Chimera''': That hideous monstrosity? That can't be Princess Stella. <hr width="50%" /> :'''Musa''': I have the feeling were not gonna be invited to the next party! :'''Bloom''': We'll be happy if we just get out of here in one piece. :'''Stella''': Hey! ''[Flora screams]'' Oh no, I'm so ugly I even scare my own friends! :'''Flora''': I'm sorry, Stella, I didn't mean to scream. Come here, sweetie! <hr width="50%" /> :'''Flora''': Since there's no hip-hop in this palace, how about rap? Ivy rap, that is. <hr width="50%" /> :'''Guard 1''': Get the monster! :'''Bloom''': That's not a monster, it's Princess Stella! :'''Guard 2''': She's lying. Our princess could never look that hideous. :'''Guard 1''': He's right! Get her! ===Pretty, Pretty Princess=== :'''Musa''': Wow, this rain, it's like anti-magic. :'''Tecna''': It weakened our spells and strength but luckily, we still have enough Winx left to save Stella. :'''Stella''': The way I look, I probably be better off if you hadn't. :'''Bloom''': We'll get you changed back, Stella, but in the meantime, I think you're kind of cuddly. :'''Flora''': Yeah, kind of like a cross between a frog and a bear or on second thought, maybe a dragon. :'''Stella''': I'm green, I'm hideous, and I'm giving a whole new meaning of the term, bloated! :'''Bloom''': It's a spell. We'll figure out a way to break it. <hr width="50%" /> :'''Bloom''': Hold on, are we forgetting something? :'''Musa''': Narrow passageway, plus-size fairy? Not good. :'''Stella''': Plus-size fairy?! That's not very nice! :'''Bloom''': We got you, Stella! :'''Musa''': And I didn't mean anything by calling you plus-size. :'''Stella''': Musa, you're too concern with your figure. <hr width="50%" /> :'''Bloom''': The leeches are gone! Thanks, Stella, you saved us! :'''Stella''': Hey, I might not be pretty, but I'm still tough! <hr width="50%" /> :'''Brandon''': Hey there, beautiful! :'''Stella''': Way to go, inner self! You got it going on! :'''Brandon''': Say what? :'''Stella''': Come on! ===The Mirror of Truth=== : '''Faragonda:''' Sophomores have be able to achieve their Charmix. This year, you must acquire your Enchantix. This is your final fairy form, which will give you access to far greater powers; such as fairy dust and miniaturization. The test will find you at a critical moment in time. You must rescue someone from your own world. This the only way you can earn your Enchantix. And the only way for you to protect your worlds from evil and destruction. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' Rescue someone from my own world? But everyone on Sparx disappeared a long time ago. Unless Oritel and Miriam are still alive, then no one from my world is left. And I'll never get my Enchantix. <hr width=70%/> :'''Brandon''': Stella... :'''Stella''': You don't understand! :'''Brandon''': I do! :'''Stella''': You see me as my old self because of Flora's spell! :'''Brandon''': Stella, maybe this isn't the best time to tell you this, but I can see what you look like. :'''Stella''': Hmm? But how is that possible? :'''Brandon''': Flora's illusion spell wore off back on the ship. :'''Stella''': And you can still look at me even though I look like a hideous monster? :'''Brandon''': You're still the same beautiful person inside. You still have the same heart, Stella. Girls, tell her what you see when you look at her. :'''Tecna''': I see a totally honest person, who always says what's on her mind. :'''Flora''': Is cheerful and upbeat and fun. :'''Musa''': A kind of crazy fairy that makes me laugh. :'''Bloom''': And I see a best friend forever. :'''Stella''': Do you really think all that about me? I always thought people just thought I was pretty. ===Mission to Tides=== :'''Bloom:''' Every time you mention Baltor's name, I have these visions. Weird visions of Sparx. And what's even weirder is that I see things I couldn't have seen 'cause I was just a baby. And then everything starts racing through my head until it all goes to black!! <hr width80%> :'''Icy:''' This new power Baltor gave me is cool. :'''Darcy:''' Baltor gave you a new power? :'''Stormy''': We know she's his favorite. But don't worry: she'll mess it up just like she always does. :'''Icy''': Spoken like a real witch, but true, although perhaps Baltor will be different. Nah. Eventually he'll disappoint me, but in the meantime, it could be fun. <hr width=70%/> :'''Baltor:''' Let's see if what they say is true. So it is you, the lost heiress to the throne of Sparx. <hr width=70%/> : '''Stormy:''' I can't wait to crush those fairies. : '''Baltor:''' Yes, go. Just make sure to leave Bloom out for me. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' You think you'd understand the balance of power by now, Icy! Whenever you face us, you lose! <hr width=70%/> : '''Baltor:''' Don't worry, Bloom. I don't want to harm you. I just wanted to see you face-to-face. : '''Bloom:''' You're destroying all of Tides, you've turned wondrous mermaids into horrible monsters! what is it you want, Baltor? What are you after? : '''Baltor:''' I just what belonged to me a long time ago. And I'm here as an old and forgotten courtesy to warn you to say out of my way. : '''Bloom:''' What do you mean by an old courtesy? : '''Baltor:''' You and I share a common past, Bloom. A shared history; something you're far too young to remember. ===The Mermaid Queen=== *Layla achieves her Enchantix form and greater water-controlling powers by sacrificing herself for her aunt, Queen Leshia. <hr width80%> :'''Bloom:''' I don't know if my fire spells will work underwater. <hr width80%> : '''Bloom:''' It's Layla's Enchantix. : '''Musa:''' It's beautiful. : '''Flora:''' It's totally amazing. : '''Bloom:''' Congratulations, Layla. Your sacrifice for Queen Leshia earned you your Enchantix powers. : '''Layla:''' So what? : '''Bloom:''' what do you mean "so what?" : '''Layla:''' I still can't see, Bloom. Everything is still dark. ===Royal Behavior=== : '''Faragonda:''' What happened to your friend is both terrible and wonderful. A dark spell has taken her sight. However, Layla was able to achieve her final fairy form. She now has Enchantix powers and that means she is strong enough to break Baltor's spell by herself. There is healing energy in the fairy dust on your new wings. If you concentrate hard, you be able to release it. Feel it all around you, dear. You don't need your eyes to see it. : '''Layla:''' I can see! I can see! : '''Faragonda:''' Fairy dust upon the wings of an Enchantix is one of strongest healing elements in the magical universe. <hr width=70%/> : '''Faragonda:''' There are things you must know about Baltor. things that connect him to you. : '''Bloom:''' Baltor said something like that on Tides, but I didn't know what he was talking about. : '''Faragonda:''' This book will explain to you what happened. What you see here is the Company of Light, a group of noble warriors who fought the three Ancient Witches. : '''Bloom:''' Baltor was with the Ancient Witches? : '''Faragonda:''' Yes. They are the ones who created him. At the beginning of the magical universe, when the Great Dragon was born, a tiny spark of its Fire fell into the darkness. The witches' took that dark ember and used it to create him. Now, the Company of Light was founded by your birth parents, Oritel and Miriam. <hr width80%> :'''Bloom:''' But if nobody really knows what happened to them, do you think it's possible they could be...? :'''Faragonda:''' What, dear? :'''Bloom:''' Well, that my parents could still be alive somewhere? :'''Faragonda:''' Bloom, I can't tell you. Nobody can. :'''Bloom:''' Nobody but Baltor! He's the last one saw my parents! He knows the answer! :'''Faragonda:''' Bloom, you must be very careful! Baltor is a vengeful creature, and if he finds out who you are he's going to try to destroy you! ===Dark Sky=== *Stella earns her Enchantix form and powers by saving her father King Radius from a dragon. <hr width80%> : '''Layla:''' Whoa! My Enchantix power has made this rubber glue spell a thousand times stronger. If I were you guys, I'd stop firing right now. <hr width=70%/> : '''Baltor:''' Bloom's heart is hurting. This loss will make her weak, which is exactly how I want her. ===Operation: Boyfriend Rescue=== :'''Stella''': ''[trying to figure out if she should call Brandon]'' On the one hand, he has a lot to do on Erakylon, but I am not the type of girl you don't check in on. Never have been, never will be, don't wanna be. <hr width="50%" /> :'''Riven''': How about operation let the dude choose, I mean your all assuming Sky wants to be rescued? :'''Bloom''': How could you say that!?! <hr width=70%/> : Stella: It's gonna be the end all right, but not for us! (''Transforms into her Enchantix form'') ''Shower of Light''. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' I don't want to fight you, Sky, I just want to talk to you. Then if you really want, I'll get out of your life for good. : '''Sky:''' You'll get out of it right now! : '''Stella:''' Hey, have it! :(''Blasts him with solar energy, revealing an all too familiar mark on his left forearm'') :'''Stella:''' That's Baltor's mark. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' Somehow, Baltor must have met up with Diaspro. And that goblet she gave him must have been his potion. : '''Musa:''' That's gonna be a strong spell, but maybe fairy dust can break it. : '''Stella:''' Coming right up. ===Attack of the Zombie Witches=== *Musa earns her Enchantix by refusing to leave Princess Galatea of Melody (the Harmonic Realm) behind. <hr width80%> : '''Musa:''' ''No!'' Never! ''I am not leaving you!!'' <hr width70%> : '''Princess Galatea:''' Oh, Musa. You've got your Enchantix. : '''Musa:''' Cool! Maybe I can stop this fire. And since it was dark magic that took your wings, some fairy dust should bring them back, too. ===Missing in Action=== : '''Flora:''' The trees were too scared, so they turned away. : '''Bloom:''' The trees were scared of Baltor? <hr width=70%/> (''Seeing Ms. Faragonda one with an oak tree'') : '''Bloom:''' Oh no. Ms. Faragonda. : '''Stella:''' Trans-combined with a tree? : '''Bloom:''' We have to do something! Especially for everything Ms. F's done for us. I only made this far as a fairy because of you. : '''Musa:''' Ms. Faragonda, I don't know if you can hear me. But trust me. We're gonna save you. ===Tears of the Black Willow=== *Flora achieves her Enchantix powers by saving her younger sister Rose (Miele). <hr width80%> : '''Flora:''' Everybody, this is my sister Rose. <hr width70%> : '''Stella:''' Welcome to the Enchantix squad, Musa. : '''Musa:''' I love my new wings. : '''Layla:''' Can you feel just how powerful is in them? <hr width70%> :'''Rose:''' Your friends are really brave. <hr width70%> :'''Bloom:''' Did you hear that, Tecna? :'''Tecna:''' Let's not try to disappoint her. :(''Fires a ray of virtual energy'') <hr width70%> : '''Stormy:''' Say goodbye, goody-goody! : '''Rose:''' No! :(''Takes the blast that was meant for her elder sister'') : '''Flora:''' Rose! ''That was my sister!'' <hr width70%> : '''Flora:''' Miele, why didn't you go back home?/Why didn't you go back home, Rose? : '''Miele/Rose:''' I just wanted to see what would happen./I just wanted to be brave. : '''Flora:''' I love you, my little blossom.../I'm not going to make it, sweetie. : '''Miele/Rose:''' Wait! Flora! : '''Flora:''' Bubble, bring her up!/Bubble, bring her to the surface. : '''Miele/Rose:''' FLORA, NOOOOOOO!!!!!! <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' Rose! What happened? Where's Flora? : '''Rose:''' She saved me. <hr width70%> : '''Layla:''' Congratulations, Flora. You got your Enchantix powers. : '''Rose:''' Thanks for saving me, Flora. : '''Flora:''' Hey, you saved me first. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' You three, stop misbehaving or we may have to spank you! ===Point of No Return=== *Tecna achieves her Enchantix powers due her self-sacrifice in closing the Omega portal and saving the realm of Tides, even it means of her being trapped in there. * When Bloom is screaming for Tecna, a closeup of her horrified face shows the makeup of her Enchantix attire, even though she has not yet achieved it. <hr width80%> : '''Flora:''' ''Ivy Rescue Vine''. :(''Stops Stella's fall'') <hr width=70%/> : '''Tecna:''' I can do this! : '''Flora:''' No, Tecna! Don't go in there! : '''Bloom:''' Tecna!! <hr width=70%/> : '''Layla:''' Let go! she can't risk her life for my planet! : '''Tibok:''' If she has chosen to go forward, you must let her do it. Perhaps she will be the one to close the gate. Perhaps this act of sacrifice is her destiny. <hr width=70%/> :(''Tecna has just achieved her Enchantix form and far stronger technology/data-based powers'') : '''Musa:''' What's she gonna do with the fairy dust? : '''Bloom:''' She's using it to force her way inside the portal!! <hr width=70%/> : '''Baltor:''' I must say, those fairies are certainly not afraid of sacrifice. : '''Stormy:''' Yeah, and they're lucky, too. They survived the Omega gate. : '''Darcy:''' Well, all but Tecna. : '''Icy:''' Which means there are only five fairies left for us to finish off. ===Payback!=== * The Nickelodeon title for this episode is "Revenge!" * Bloom is now the only Winx Club member who remains in her standard Winx/Fairy form. <hr width70%> : '''Flora:''' Tecna was a great fairy. : '''Layla:''' And she saved the entire realm of Tides with her sacrifice. : '''Timmy:''' Tecna's not gone! She's just trapped! : '''Riven:''' Tecna's disappeared inside the Omega portal! : '''Musa:''' And the gate closed forever, Timmy. <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' The Winx Club was the six of us together. It's just not the same without Tecna. : '''Musa:''' Maybe we should end it, like disband the group. : '''Stella:''' I hate to say it, but I agree. :'''Layla:''' It's the right thing. <hr width70%> :'''Bloom:''' It's over, Baltor!! :(''Baltor strikes Musa and Flora with his evil magic'') : '''Bloom:''' ''Dragon Fury'' : '''Baltor:''' Your powers are strong, Bloom, just like your mother's. : '''Bloom:''' What?! : '''Baltor:''' Miriam, the queen of planet Sparx. : '''Bloom:''' My mother? What do ''you'' know about her!? : '''Baltor:''' I defeated her. :<hr width=70%/> : '''Baltor:''' Your birth parents, Oritel and Miriam, were the leaders of the Company of Light. A bunch of do-good-er warriors who fought to save the magical dimension. : '''Musa:''' ''Base Boom''. : '''Baltor:''' I recently visited a planet whose magic was all about silence. Let me show you one of the strong spells I took from them. :(''Traps Musa in a soundproof bubble'') : '''Flora:''' ''Ivy Vine Wrap''. : '''Baltor:''' And for you, some magic of the cave dwellers of the Under Realm. They like total darkness. Flowers can't survive long without light, right? <hr width70%> : '''Baltor:''' So do you want to fight or do you want to hear about your parents, Bloom? : '''Bloom:''' I'm listening. : '''Baltor:''' I met Oritel and Miriam when I was a young wizard. I was the one who faced them in their final battle. First I trapped Miriam with a spell I learned from the dwellers of the dark dimension. Of course, King Oritel came to rescue her as I knew he would. Your birth father was very powerful. I could never have defeated him unless he lowered his guard to save your mother. While he used his magic to save his beloved, I used mine to send them both to Oblivion. And that's how it ended for your birth parents, Oritel and Miriam, the great king and queen of planet Sparx. I'm so glad we could share that story. :(''a furious Bloom is overflowing with Dragon Fire energy'') : '''Bloom:''' ''Why you!!'' : '''Baltor:''' Come on! Show me what you've got! Do it for Sparx! Do it for your parents! : (''A thoroughly enraged Bloom releases a tremendous amount of Dragon Fire energy'') :'''Baltor:''' ''Oposotius''. And so goes the last survivor of the planet Sparx. Destroyed by her own magic. <hr width=70%/> : '''Stella:''' This calls for some fairy dust. : '''Griffin:''' I see you made progress. I remember when Faragonda first got her Enchantix. All my best spells became useless against her. <hr width80%> :'''Faragonda:''' Stella, get us out of here! :'''Bloom:''' NO!! we have to beat him! For Tecna and for Miriam and Oritel!! :'''Faragonda:''' I'm sorry, Bloom, but not today. <hr width80%> :'''Faragonda:''' There is just one place you can go to become stronger, Bloom. It is called Pyros, also known as the Island of Dragons. The power you can get there is great, but the dangers are severe. :'''Bloom:''' I don't care! Baltor destroyed my parents and took Tecna! If will help me beat him, then I'll do it. <hr width80%> :'''Baltor:''' I cannot allow the heir to the throne of Sparx to survive! :'''Icy:''' How about we just go get Bloom for you? :'''Darcy:''' Yeah. We'll wait till she's away from her friends. :'''Baltor:''' Good. Go and bring her here, then we'll destroy her together. ===The Island of Dragons=== *Bloom has a vision of her ghostly elder sister Daphne. <hr width80%> : '''Daphne:''' Bloom. Bloom. : '''Bloom:''' Daphne? : '''Daphne:''' You must find your inner dragon. : '''Bloom:''' My inner dragon? What dragon? : '''Daphne:''' Your dragon. <hr width=70%/> : '''Layla:''' ''Enchanted Morfix''. : '''Guard:''' I don't like stepping stuff, and I don't like pink! ===The Power Within=== *The Nickelodeon title is "Building Hope." *Bloom earns her immense Enchantix by "being fearless and open to her powers". However, it dangerously incomplete as she did not earn it via bravery and self-sacrifice but rather through sheer willpower. In the Nickelodeon version, she earns it by refusing to let Baltor win. <hr width80%> :'''Baltor:''' I don't know how, but Tecna has managed to communicate from the Omega Dimension. :'''Icy:''' But that's impossible. :'''Baltor:''' And now they're going to get a rescue party together, fly there and bring her back to Alfea. :'''Icy:''' And do you want us to ruin their party? :'''Baltor:''' No. What I want you to do is go deal with Bloom. :'''Stormy:''' I am totally game for that. :'''Icy:''' I'm always game for messin' up Bloom. :'''Baltor:''' Bloom is strengthening her already impressive powers. She's training on an island called Pyros. :'''Icy:''' I'm guessing you want us to mess up Bloom's little island vacation? <hr width80%> : '''Bloom:''' My name is Bloom and I came to Pyros to get stronger. And so far, I found my inner dragon, and that's good and all. But I'm still not strong enough and I don't what else to do to make that happen. : '''Maya:''' If you want to get stronger, you must open your heart and your mind. I can see that the universe has given you a mission. You are destined to battle an evil force. You possess plenty of power to destroy it. : '''Bloom:''' You can really see all that? : '''Maya:''' I see it clearly. <hr width=70%/> : '''Maya:''' You want to ask me about your Enchantix? : '''Bloom:''' Yes. Even though there's no one left from my realm, is it still possible for me to earn it? : '''Maya:''' Many things are possible on Pyros that are not possible elsewhere. For you to achieve your goal, Bloom, you must let go of your fear. : '''Bloom:''' Is losing all your fear really possible? <hr width=70%/> : '''Musa:''' ''Sound Wave Attack''. : '''Stella:''' Can't have sound without light. ''Sunbeam Shower''. <hr width=70%/> : '''Maya:''' I have something for you. Here. Take this, so you can always remember the lessons you leaned on Pyros. : '''Bloom:''' That's so pretty. What's in it? : '''Maya:''' Every magical place and every magical being has a unique essence. And this contains the essence of Pyros. And now I'm going to help you let go of fear and believe in your ability to get what you want. Sit. When you do these things, you'll understand your true essence. And that's how you get stronger. : '''Bloom:''' I feel like I'm getting there, I just wish I had my Enchantix. : '''Maya:''' I believe that it's within you. I believe that you can find your Enchantix if you truly set your mind to it. <hr width70%> :(''Bloom breaks out of the ice cube'') : '''Darcy:''' Whoa! She got stronger. : '''Icy:''' It seems like our little friend learned a new trick or two at Loser Bootcamp. <hr width70%> : '''Icy:''' Just so you know, after we capture you, we're bringing you back to Baltor: : '''Bloom''' (''thinking'')''':''' Baltor! I've had ''enough'' of Baltor! I believe. I believe I have the power in me. ''I'm gonna use it to stop Baltor! And it's starting right here, right now with these witches!'' :(''Starts overflowing with great mystical energy'') :'''Bloom:'''I am fearless and open to my powers! :(''transforms into her Enchantix form for the first time'') :'''Bloom:''' ''Enchanted Sphere''. :(''Encases the Trix sisters inside an orb of Dragon Fire'') :'''Bloom:''' This is my island, witches! <hr width70%> :'''Maya:''' I knew you had it in you. : '''Bloom:''' Did you see that, Maya? I believed that I could do it, and I got my Enchantix. : '''Maya:''' Yes you did. You found your inner dragon, and now you've unlocked your deepest source of power. And for that, you should be very proud of yourself. You came to Pyros looking for more strength. But because of your courage, what you ended up finding was even bigger than any magical power you could ever have. Listen. You are finding yourself and there is nothing more powerful than that. Now go back to Alfea and put your gift to good use. ===The Omega Mission=== *Bloom was unable to transform at first, due to her Enchantix being dangerously incomplete. <hr width80%> : '''Bloom:''' I was able to grow so much, and I got way more in touch with my powers, but... : '''Griselda:''' There's always a "but." : '''Bloom:''' I don't understand how I got my Enchantix without saving anybody from my realm. : '''Faragonda:''' You've became a rare exception to the rules of fairies, a very rare exception. On Pyros, you used all of your willpower. And your belief in yourself was powerful that it simply transformed you. It's as if you willed yourself into an Enchantix. :'''Griselda:''' Very impressive. :'''Bloom:''' Thanks a lot. <hr width70%> :''[Bloom and Sky are on the bench]'' :'''Sky''': I didn't go to the omega dimension prison has dead prisoners because I was put under active control at Red fountain, but when I heard you were back I asked Codatorta to escort me special permission. :'''Bloom''': And cause you were so nice he said yes? :'''Sky''': Exactly yeah. :''[They hug]'' :'''Bloom''': Who told you I was back from pyros. :'''Sky''': That's confidential Imfornation bloom sorry. :''[Amore comes out from behind the bench]'' :'''Amore''': I told himbecause of true love. :''[Bloom and Sky leave each other and blush]'' :'''Chatta''': Amore! :'''Amore''': What, what's wrong with what I said? :'''Tune''': Look! You made them both blush! <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' I wish I could go with you, Tecna, but I haven't been able to transform since I got back from Pyros. :'''Tecna:''' Then we'll walk. <hr width70%> :'''Tecna:''' What are you doing, Bloom? You can't transform. :'''Bloom:''' I'm gonna have to. <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' Musa's fairy dust must have fixed whatever was keeping me from transforming. So what do you say we take this snake out, get our guys, and head for home? <hr width80%> :'''Stella:''' I think your new mega dragon attack finished him off. :'''Musa:''' Alright! Way to go, Bloom. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' Wait a second. It's not over yet. : '''Layla:''' What are you talking about, Bloom? : '''Musa:''' That snake is history : '''Bloom:''' No it's not, you guys. When my dragon form collided with it, we formed a kind of instant connection. And now it's speaking to me or as long as I'm hearing what it's thinking. : '''Flora:'''And what is it telling you, Bloom? : '''Bloom:''' It's telling that is the ice snake's purpose to keep all things imprisoned. And since its part of the Omega Dimension itself, Is impossible to destroy. ===Day at the Museum=== : '''Bloom:''' ''Dragon Energy''. : '''Tecna:''' A logical strategy. Increasing the air friction around the creature should slow it down. : '''Layla:''' She's losing control. : '''Flora:''' Griselda, you have to do something! : '''Faragonda:''' Not just yet. Give her a second. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' Did I do it? : '''Faragonda:''' You successfully repelled the negotiator, yes. But your magic was out of control. Bloom, I'm not going to lie to you. Your Enchantix power is dangerously incomplete. The others have a power that was born out of sacrifice. But your Enchantix was created by pure force of will. It's not the same thing at all. : '''Bloom:''' All that I really care about, Ms. F, is that my power works against Baltor. And it should do that, don't you think? : '''Faragonda:''' I'm not sure how your power will work. And speaking of Baltor, he's disappeared. : '''Bloom:''' What do you mean? I thought he was a Cloud Tower. : '''Faragonda:''' He escaped. But on the plus side, Cloud Tower is safe again. : '''Bloom:''' That's great. But...Baltor is the only one who knows what happened to my birth parents, Oritel and Miriam. So I have to find him and make him tell me. <hr width=70%/> : '''Baltor:''' Well, look at you. Enchantix and Dragon Fire together. Finally, a decent challenge. : '''Bloom:''' Come and get me, Baltor! The protection glass is magic-proof. Your spells won't go through it!! : '''Baltor:''' Yes, but they will go around it. :(''Throws a ball of fire, but Bloom's orange fairy dust purifies it'') <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' The Dragon Fire and the Enchantix aren't what's going to beat you Baltor. It's six Enchantix together! <hr width70%> : '''Baltor:''' Bloom, someday I'll get that little fairy dust pendant right from your neck and add it to my collection of trinkets. But I'm afraid I'm going to fight all of you today. Just ''you!!'' ===Biker Wedding Crashers=== : '''Stella:''' Stop right there! As long as I'm around, you'll never become the queen of Solaria! : '''Cassandra''': Stella! : '''Stella:''' People of Solaria, this monster and her wannabee daughter have bewitched your king! : '''Cassandra:''' Don't listen to her! She's lying! <hr width70%> : '''Stella:''' No! Daddy! : '''Chimera:''' Daddy can't hear you. : '''Stella:''' Can you not take a hint!!? <hr width70%> : '''King Radius:''' Who are you? : '''Stella:''' I'm your daughter, Daddy. Your Stella. Don't you remember? You used to call me Stella-my-Bella and my little ray of sunshine. : '''King Radius:''' I don't recall. : '''Stella:''' Stupid, Baltor! No way is he taking my father away from me!! Fairy dust!! ===The Golden Kingdom=== : '''Musa:''' See what you think of this. ''Sound Cage''. :(''Bloom is encased in a dome of sound, but easily overwhelms it with a mighty burst of Dragon Fire energy'') :'''Musa:''' Man, I channeled all my Winx into that attack. : '''Flora:''' OK. Guess I'm up next. Don't take this personally. <hr width=70%/> : '''Lockette:''' You leave Bloom alone. : '''Stella:''' Don't worry. We're not really fighting. : '''Bloom:''' Yeah. Since Baltor and I both get our power from the Dragon Fire, we figured that we found a way to beat my power, we can use to beat his. But so far, no luck. <hr width=70%/> : '''Tecna:''' I've got it! I know how to defeat the Dragon Fire! According to the book, at the beginning of the magical universe when the Great Dragon was born, another opposite force was created as well. This opposite force was contained in Water Stars. : '''Amore:''' But, Tecna, Water Stars don't exist anymore. : '''Tecna:''' In this dimension they don't. : '''Bloom:''' What do you mean by that? :'''Tecna:''' Because they're naturally opposed to each other, the Dragon Fire and Water Stars couldn't exist in the same dimension. So the Ancient Wizards came together and opened a portal to seal them off from our dimension. : '''Bloom:''' Where are they now? : '''Tecna:''' In the Golden Kingdom. <hr width=70%/> : '''Icy:''' I felt something really gross, like the way a sunset feels. : '''Baltor:''' It was a wave of positive energy. And there's only one place it could've come from- the Golden Kingdom. Show me the Red Tower! So they have gone to the Golden Kingdom. For Water Stars. Here! Take this and destroy Bloom now. That's my girl. : '''Darcy:''' Icy's your girl? : '''Baltor:''' You're all my girls! Now go! ===The Crystal Labyrinth=== : '''Sky:''' Looks like some kind of ancient language. Can any of you guys read it? : '''Bloom:''' It says "only those who are pure of heart may enter." <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' I have an idea. Since our fairy dust is anti-darkness, I bet if we spray it on ourselves it should remove all traces of darkness from us. : '''Stella:''' What darkness? : '''Timmy:''' Everybody's got some kind of darkness. Like vanity. : '''Stella:''' Oh. <hr width70%> : '''Musa:''' We're miniaturizing. : '''Tecna:''' I guess the time was right. : '''Bloom:''' I couldn't do it. Since my Enchantix wasn't earned the same way as yours, Ms. Faragonda said it may have limitations. But I want you girls to on ahead. We need the Water Stars. They're our only hope to stop Baltor. <hr width=70%/> : '''Icy:''' Looks like it's just you and me, Bloom. : '''Bloom:''' You don't have a chance, Icy! : '''Icy:''' 'Cause of your big bad Enchantix powers? well, Baltor wanted me to give you ''this!'' Anti-dark dust from the dark dimension. It renders you powerless. How do you like my chances now? What should we do with you, Bloom? I know! How about we reenact the night we first met? I seem to remember putting you into a block of ice! ===The Wizard's Challenge=== <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' I think we should try a more practical approach. If they activate when they come into contact with Dragon Fire energy, then maybe I'm the key to unleashing their full power. : '''Musa:''' But remember, Boom, if they can destroy Baltor because of his Dragon Fire then they can destroy you too. : '''Bloom:''' I know it's very risky for me, but I don't we have a choice. <hr width70%> : '''Tecna:''' No one's allowed in here without a library card!! : '''Layla:''' ''Morfix Shield''. : '''Flora:''' ''Ivy Vine Wrap''. : '''Stella:''' ''Solarian Sunbeam''. : '''Bloom:''' ''Dragon Fury''. <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' I know it's risky, you guys, but I try to activate the Water Stars. : '''Stella:''' Wait! Don't do it, Bloom! You don't know how they could affect you! : '''Baltor:''' What they do to me, they'll do to you. : '''Flora:''' We can do this without the Water Stars. : '''Bloom:''' Flora, you know we can't. They're our only hope. ''Dragon Essence''. : '''Flora:''' Bloom are you OK? : '''Bloom:''' I'm fine, but what about Baltor? <hr width=70%> : '''Bloom:''' Baltor, it's over. : '''Baltor:''' If you destroy me, Bloom, you'll also destroy your parents. : '''Bloom:''' What!? What are you talking about!? : '''Baltor:''' They're inside of me. As I'm sure you are aware, when I fought the final battle between your birth parents, Oritel and Miriam, they defeated me. : '''Bloom:''' Yeah? : '''Baltor:''' But what you don't know is just before they sent me away, I cast an absorption spell and imprisoned them in my body. And so, Bloom, if you destroy me, they will be gone forever, too. : '''Bloom''' (''tearful'')''':''' Oh no, that's... : '''Layla:''' Baltor just escaped. ===The Witches' Crypt=== * The Nickelodeon title is "Finding the Truth" * Bloom discovers that her biological parents are very much alive, in a dark realm separate from the magical universe itself. <hr width70%> :'''Faragonda:''' No, I don't know if Baltor is telling the truth about your parents or if's just trying to trick you to gain an advantage in the battle. But if he is telling the truth and he did use an absorption spell, then his fate and your parents will be one and the same. :'''Bloom:''' I thought my strong connection with Baltor was because both of our powers come from the Dragon Fire, but maybe there's another reason. :'''Faragonda:''' And what do you think that is, Bloom? :'''Bloom:''' Maybe what I'm actually hearing is my parents trapped inside of him! That they're calling out to me, begging me to help them. <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' Let's try to add the magical energy of the Water Stars to our Enchantix powers. : '''Musa:''' Good idea, Bloom. But what about their affect on you? : '''Bloom:''' They only affect me once they're activated. So I'll put up a shield to protect myself. : '''Stella:''' All right! Let's activate them! <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' I wish I could go along with you, but my Enchantix power is still incomplete. And no matter what I try, it won't let me miniaturize. : '''Stella:''' Don't worry, Bloom. We got it covered. <hr width70%> :'''Bloom:''' You did it! You broke Baltor's spell! :'''Stella:''' It was just as easy as changing my sweater back. <hr width70%> :'''Baltor:''' You know all about the power of laughter, don't you? Well, soon you'll learn about the power of tears. : '''Icy:''' You and Bloom are inseparable. It's like there's some fate aura drawing you two together. : '''Baltor:''' And I think you three are linked to Bloom. But the sad fact of the matter is that neither of you has or ever has had what it takes to destroy her. : '''Icy:''' It's her Enchantix that's the problem. : '''Darcy:''' It gives her advantage. : '''Baltor:''' Sounds like an excuse to me. But then again, maybe you're right. Maybe all we need to do is level the playing field and give you ladies your own new power. Something we can call your Disenchantix. I'm going to cast a spell on you from the misery dimension. ''Power of the wind, power of ice, power darkness, it's time to grow. Draw from the void of misery and thieve and flourish''. Now you have your own version of the Enchantix, only way cooler. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' This is the presence Ms. Faragonda sensed. I feel it. Show yourself dark witches! : '''Belladonna:''' Heiress to the throne of Sparx, you have come to inquire about the fate of your birth parents, Oritel and Miriam, have you not? : '''Bloom:''' Yes. I want to know what happened to them! I want to know where they are! : '''Lysslis:''' Do you want the truth or simply something that will comfort you? : '''Bloom:''' I want the truth about what happened, no matter how hard it is to hear! : '''Belladonna:''' Then the truth is exactly what we will tell you. :'''Bloom:''' Huh? :'''Belladonna:''' Your parents, the King and Queen of Sparx, are not prisoners in Baltor's body. That was a trap he set for you. Oritel and Miriam are alive. : '''Bloom''' (''relieved'')''':''' Alive!? Where are they? : '''Lysslis:''' In a place far away. Not in this realm or even this dimension. : '''Bloom:''' Nothing is too far away for me! Tell me where they are and I'll go there! : '''Belladonna:''' It is not a place you can go! And that is all we will say! : '''Bloom:''' No! Wait! I want to know where my parents are! You can't leave me like this! ''You can't!'' <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' Baltor lied to me. He didn't capture my birth parents, and they aren't trapped inside of him. And now that know this, I can fight him with all of my might and all my power. ===The Spell of the Elements=== *The Nickelodeon title is "Valtor's Fury" <hr width70%> : '''Baltor:''' I am unbeatable!! : '''Icy:''' It sure didn't look that way, dude. : '''Darcy:''' Yeah. No offense, but those Water Stars knocked you on your unbeatable butt. : '''Stormy:''' Maybe you need to get some new spells and, you know, bulk up. : '''Icy:''' Yeah. Like get some new buff in the Magix department. (''the Trix laugh'') : '''Baltor:''' SILENCE!! ''I am Baltor! I am the greatest wizard in the magical universe!!'' ''Do not dare challenge me!!'' <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' We're still going to beat you Baltor. As long as there's a single once of energy in our bodies, we'll fight you! : '''Baltor:''' Here! See how you like ''this!'' :(''Blasts Bloom with the Water Stars immeasurable, mystical energy'') The Water Stars are painful, aren't they, Bloom? : '''Stella:''' To me, they're no different than a regular blast. : '''Tecna:''' Same goes for me. : '''Musa:''' Come on, girls! We have to protect Bloom. <hr width=70%/> : '''Baltor:''' Oblivion awaits you, Bloom! The same place I sent your parents! Fairy dust can't stop me. I'm not a dark spell and neither are the Water Stars. <hr width=70%> : '''Layla:''' I'm' going in. : '''Stella:''' Wait! Don't. We have to trust that Bloom knows what she's doing. : '''Musa:''' What if she doesn't? :(''Bloom collapses, due to repeated energy blasts from the Water Stars'') : '''Flora:''' Oh no. : '''Baltor:''' And so goes the last survivor to the throne of Sparx. <hr width=70%/> : '''Baltor:''' You five are next. : '''Stella:''' Before you start firing, you might wanna check your box. It looks like it's leaking. : '''Baltor:''' What!? NO!! : '''Stella:''' Bloom's fairy dust may not have affected you, but it busted your stash of spells right open. <hr width70%> :'''Baltor:''' You three get back here, right now!! :'''Icy:''' I wish we had time ti discuss this, but let's make one thing clear: You and us, we're over!! :'''Darcy:''' Yeah, see ya, loser. :'''Stormy:''' Buh-bye. ===A New Beginning/Fire and Flame/The Final Battle=== * This Season Three finale is followed by ''The Secret of the Lost Kingdom'' 3D CGI movie. <hr width70%> : '''Stella:''' That was an ''Enchantix Sunburst''. You should be gone. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' There's no point in fighting this thing. The only way I can beat is to attack the one who controls it. Find Baltor! And hit him where he hides!! (''Fires an orb of Dragon Fire, which unexpectedly hits Baltor from behind'') This thing stopped, which means I must have hit Baltor. <hr width=70%/> : '''Ancient Witches:''' Baltor. Baltor. : '''Baltor:''' Who are you!? : '''Ancient Witches:''' Is it possible that you forgot about us, Baltor? : '''Baltor:''' Show yourself! : '''Ancient Witches:''' You don't give orders to us, Baltor! ''We'' give orders to ''you''! : '''Baltor:''' The three Ancestresses. : '''Ancient Witches:''' You disappointed us, Baltor. So we're calling you back from this world! : '''Baltor:''' You think you can make me go back with you!? You three may have created me, but you do not control me! I've outgrown you and passed you by! What are you doing!? : '''Ancient Witches:''' From the limbo where we are exiled, we're not allowed to act on the outside world. But nothing can stop us from acting on ''you'', because you are ours, Baltor! : '''Baltor:''' No! Stop it!! : '''Ancient Witches:''' You failed! Your magic powers were squandered. And for that you must pay! We will take the part that is the wizard and leave the part that is the beast! You will be stronger and more brutal! Now go destroy all that is in your path! <hr width=70%/> : '''Layla:''' Not looking too good, Baltor. : '''Baltor:''' Soon you won't be either! : '''Layla:''' ''Morfix Bolt''. : '''Flora:''' ''Enchantix Ivy Wrap''. <hr width=70%/> :(''Combining Enchantix powers with Musa and Tecna'') : '''Stella:''' Enchantix convergence power. : '''Baltor:''' Is that it? : '''Stella:''' I thought that was pretty strong. : '''Bloom:''' As a beast, Baltor is much stronger than he was as a wizard. But I have an idea. There's a spell I learned on Pyros that just might work. <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' Power of the Flame, leave me. Go and find Baltor's fire. :(''A tiny orb-shaped spark of the Dragon Fire leaves her, causing her to faint'') <hr width70%> :'''Musa:''' Whoa, look. :'''Tecna:''' It's her Dragon Fire. <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' I did it, Baltor! I've traveled to the inner sanctum of your Dragon Fire. And now that I'm here, I'm gonna put out your Dragon Fire flame once and for all! <hr width70%> : '''Sky:''' Bloom, talk to me! :'''Stella:''' She's not here, Sky. She's over there, fighting for all of us. <hr width70%> :'''Valtor''': Thank you, Bloom. I was getting a little warm. :'''Bloom''': Valtor. :'''Valtor''': It was bold of you to come back here for sure. But what did you think you were going to achieve? :'''Bloom''': I guess that's what we're about to find out. :'''Valtor''': Come on, then. Attack me. Vent your anger. But remember this is not going to bring your birth parents back. :'''Bloom''': Shut up, Valtor! You don't know anything about them! :'''Valtor''': Oh yes I do. I know that I lied to you in the past and so, of course I totally understand if you don't believe me now. But the fact of the matter is it's the three ancient witches that are to blame for Oritel and Marion's demise. You should turn your rage on them. Join me. I'll regain control of my body and together, we will destroy the ancient witches. Their power as well as the magic knowledge of every single planet will be ours. We are the same, Bloom. Don't forget it. :'''Bloom''': We're nothing alike, Valtor. And once your fire is out, nothing will be left for you, I swear. :'''Valtor''': All right, then. I gave you one last chance. And now I'm going to destroy you! :'''Bloom''': Fairy Dust, extinguish the fire! <hr width70%> : '''Baltor:''' Your fairy dust erased the dark magic of the Ancestresses. : '''Bloom:''' But that's...! : '''Baltor:''' And now I am myself again- A wizard created from a dark ember of the Great Dragon's fire! : '''Bloom:''' I'm still gonna finish you off!! : '''Baltor:''' I have a better idea, Bloom. Something that will help me achieve my destiny, and you finally locate your birth parents. : '''Bloom:''' I don't believe you know anything about my birth parents!! : '''Baltor:''' But the Ancient Witches do. In fact, they hold the key to both our destinies: : For you finding Oritel and Miriam, and for me achieving the greatness that I deserve. So this is what I propose to you, Bloom: Turn your rage on the Ancestresses and join me. Together we will be strong enough to defeat them and make them give us what we want. You and I are the same, Bloom. We are book ends, matching pieces of the greatest ancient magic ever to exist. : '''Bloom:''' The only thing we have in common is our Dragon Fire! And right now, my is gonna fight yours until one of them is out. : '''Baltor:''' So be it. I gave you one last chance! And now I'm going to destroy you! : Bloom: Not if I destroy you first! ''Dragon Fire Fury''. <hr width=70%> : '''Faragonda:''' Well done, girls. Baltor's essence now rests with the Ancient Witches. <hr width70%> : '''Nabu:''' You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, Layla. :(''The two lovers share a loving hug'') <hr width70%> : '''Faragonda:''' Your Enchantix powers are still incomplete. But the courage you showed on Tides, tells me that you're ready, Bloom. I believe you now have what it takes to find the Ancient Witches, break their dark spell, and finally find your birth parents. : '''Bloom:''' I think I'm ready. Mom, Dad, I feel like we're going to meet really soon. ==Cast== ===Cinélume=== *Helena Evangeliou as Bloom *Jennifer Seguin as Stella *Holly Gauthier-Frankel as Flora *Sarah McCullough as Musa, Stormy, Zing, Matlin *Jodie Resther as Tecna, Daphne *Lucinda Davis as Layla, Digit *Cedric Kühle as Valtor *Eleanor Noble as Icy *Carrie Finley as Darcy *Danny Brochu as Sky *Mark Hauser as Brandon *Michael Yarmush as Timmy *Mitchell Rothpan as Riven *Martin Watier as Helia *Susan Glover as Griselda *Mary Smith as Amore === 4Kids === *Liza Jacquline as Bloom *Caren Manuel as Stella and Darcy *Lisa Adams as Stella (stand-in) * Kerry Williams as Flora, Francine, Amore, Rose * Lisa Ortiz as Musa, Icy, Digit, Mitzi, Matlin * Rebecca Soler as Tecna * Vashthy Mompoint as Layla * Sean Schemmel as Baltor * Suzy Myers as Stormy * Dan Green as Sky * Greg Abbey as Brandon * Michael Sinterniklaas as Riven * Sebastian Arcelus as Timmy and Palladium * Matt Charles as Ophir/Nabu * Pete Zarustica as Kiko and Wizgiz * Rachael Lillis as Faragonda, Barbatea, DuFour, Amaryl, Ortensia, Priscilla, Lucy, Ediltrude * Carol Jacobanis as Griffin * Michael Alston as Saladin * Marc Thompson as Knut, Avalon * Erica Schroeder as Daphne, Piff, Galatea * Su Meredith as Griselda * Kayzie Rogers as Vanessa * Stuart Zagnit as Mike * Veronica Taylor as Alice, Diaspro, and Zarathustra * Amy Palant as Mirta ===Atlas Oceanic=== *Molly C. Quinn as Bloom *Amy Gross as Stella *Alejandra Reynoso as Flora *Romi Dames as Musa *Morgan Deckner as Tecna *Keke Palmer as Aisha *Josh Keaton as Valtor *Larisa Oleynik as Icy *Jennifer Cody as Darcy *Kimberly Brooks as Stormy *Matt Shively as Sky *Adam Gregory as Brandon *David Faustino as Helia *Charlie Schlatter as Timmy *Sam Riegel as Riven *Will Blagrove as Ophir/Nabu * Kath Soucie as Cassandra * Rachael Macfarlane as Chimera *Kari Wahlgren as Faragonda, Narrator *Susanne Blakeslee as Griselda *Mitchell Whitfield as Palladium *Dee Bradley Baker as Kiko and Wizgiz * Grey DeLisle as Belladonna * Candi Milo as Lysslis * Laraine Newman as Tharma, Barbatea, Ligea, Maia * Laura Bailey as Tressa * André Sogliuzzo as Radius * Jennifer Hale as Galatea * Jessica DiCicco as Miele * Jim Cummings as Taboc, Ice Spirits [[Category:Winx Club seasons]] bwaifnjsspqkvb8ja675qj9j3oisk2p 3779031 3779030 2025-07-15T05:48:15Z 2601:84:C903:B4E0:CCD7:7A38:B89E:B671 /* Cinélume */ 3779031 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Seasons:''' [[Winx Club (season 1)|1]] [[Winx Club (season 2)|2]] [[Winx Club (season 3)|3]] [[Winx Club (season 4)|4]] [[Winx Club (season 5)|5]] [[Winx Club (season 6)|6]] [[Winx Club (season 7)|7]] | [[Winx Club|Main]] ---- '''''[[w:Winx Club|Winx Club]]''''' is an animated television series created by [[w:Iginio Straffi|Iginio Straffi]] and animated by [[w:Rainbow (company)|Rainbow SpA]], in co-production with [[w:Nickelodeon|Nickelodeon]] (Seasons 5 and 6) and [[w:Rai Fiction|Rai Fiction]]. ===The Princess' Ball/The Princess Ball/The Perfect Dress=== :'''Stella''': I'll take this one to Mom's, that one to Dad's... no, wait, I need the blue top for Mom's picnic. But then I should have the red dress for Dad's royal parade. :'''Amore''': The red dress is really beautiful, Stella. :'''Stella''': True. I should probably wear it to Mom's garden tea party. Do you know any cloning spells? :'''Amore''': Uh... nuh-uh. <hr width80%> :'''Musa:''' I'm gettin' my hair spelled. <hr width80%> :'''Aisha:''' Hey, girls! So, how'd it go? :'''Stella:''' Fine. Musa, what did you do to your hair? :'''Musa:''' A little change of style. :'''Stella:''' Very nice! And I just updated my wardrobe with a new dress! :'''Musa:''' Can we see it? ===Beauty Is a Beast=== :'''Bloom:''' I ask you to show me my birth parents, Oritel and Miriam. Show me what happened them. Sparx! That's when the Coven destroyed my planet. Oritel and Miriam. :'''Stella:''' Don't cry, sweetie. Oritel and Miriam were standing there, which must mean they're still alive. :'''Bloom:''' Do you really think that's what it means? :'''Stella:''' You asked the room to show what happened to them. So it must mean that they're out there somewhere. <hr width80%> :'''Chimera''': ''Your days as your father's little angel are over. By the power of Valtor, change. Transmit, transform, transmute!'' :(''casts the dark spell to turn Stella into a monster'') :'''Cassandra''': Radius, this monster is not your daughter. Listen to my voice, this monster is not your daughter, now do as I say. <hr width="50%" /> :'''Stella''': Tell the guards who I am! :'''Bloom''': Hey, this is Princess Stella! :'''Chimera''': That hideous monstrosity? That can't be Princess Stella. <hr width="50%" /> :'''Musa''': I have the feeling were not gonna be invited to the next party! :'''Bloom''': We'll be happy if we just get out of here in one piece. :'''Stella''': Hey! ''[Flora screams]'' Oh no, I'm so ugly I even scare my own friends! :'''Flora''': I'm sorry, Stella, I didn't mean to scream. Come here, sweetie! <hr width="50%" /> :'''Flora''': Since there's no hip-hop in this palace, how about rap? Ivy rap, that is. <hr width="50%" /> :'''Guard 1''': Get the monster! :'''Bloom''': That's not a monster, it's Princess Stella! :'''Guard 2''': She's lying. Our princess could never look that hideous. :'''Guard 1''': He's right! Get her! ===Pretty, Pretty Princess=== :'''Musa''': Wow, this rain, it's like anti-magic. :'''Tecna''': It weakened our spells and strength but luckily, we still have enough Winx left to save Stella. :'''Stella''': The way I look, I probably be better off if you hadn't. :'''Bloom''': We'll get you changed back, Stella, but in the meantime, I think you're kind of cuddly. :'''Flora''': Yeah, kind of like a cross between a frog and a bear or on second thought, maybe a dragon. :'''Stella''': I'm green, I'm hideous, and I'm giving a whole new meaning of the term, bloated! :'''Bloom''': It's a spell. We'll figure out a way to break it. <hr width="50%" /> :'''Bloom''': Hold on, are we forgetting something? :'''Musa''': Narrow passageway, plus-size fairy? Not good. :'''Stella''': Plus-size fairy?! That's not very nice! :'''Bloom''': We got you, Stella! :'''Musa''': And I didn't mean anything by calling you plus-size. :'''Stella''': Musa, you're too concern with your figure. <hr width="50%" /> :'''Bloom''': The leeches are gone! Thanks, Stella, you saved us! :'''Stella''': Hey, I might not be pretty, but I'm still tough! <hr width="50%" /> :'''Brandon''': Hey there, beautiful! :'''Stella''': Way to go, inner self! You got it going on! :'''Brandon''': Say what? :'''Stella''': Come on! ===The Mirror of Truth=== : '''Faragonda:''' Sophomores have be able to achieve their Charmix. This year, you must acquire your Enchantix. This is your final fairy form, which will give you access to far greater powers; such as fairy dust and miniaturization. The test will find you at a critical moment in time. You must rescue someone from your own world. This the only way you can earn your Enchantix. And the only way for you to protect your worlds from evil and destruction. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' Rescue someone from my own world? But everyone on Sparx disappeared a long time ago. Unless Oritel and Miriam are still alive, then no one from my world is left. And I'll never get my Enchantix. <hr width=70%/> :'''Brandon''': Stella... :'''Stella''': You don't understand! :'''Brandon''': I do! :'''Stella''': You see me as my old self because of Flora's spell! :'''Brandon''': Stella, maybe this isn't the best time to tell you this, but I can see what you look like. :'''Stella''': Hmm? But how is that possible? :'''Brandon''': Flora's illusion spell wore off back on the ship. :'''Stella''': And you can still look at me even though I look like a hideous monster? :'''Brandon''': You're still the same beautiful person inside. You still have the same heart, Stella. Girls, tell her what you see when you look at her. :'''Tecna''': I see a totally honest person, who always says what's on her mind. :'''Flora''': Is cheerful and upbeat and fun. :'''Musa''': A kind of crazy fairy that makes me laugh. :'''Bloom''': And I see a best friend forever. :'''Stella''': Do you really think all that about me? I always thought people just thought I was pretty. ===Mission to Tides=== :'''Bloom:''' Every time you mention Baltor's name, I have these visions. Weird visions of Sparx. And what's even weirder is that I see things I couldn't have seen 'cause I was just a baby. And then everything starts racing through my head until it all goes to black!! <hr width80%> :'''Icy:''' This new power Baltor gave me is cool. :'''Darcy:''' Baltor gave you a new power? :'''Stormy''': We know she's his favorite. But don't worry: she'll mess it up just like she always does. :'''Icy''': Spoken like a real witch, but true, although perhaps Baltor will be different. Nah. Eventually he'll disappoint me, but in the meantime, it could be fun. <hr width=70%/> :'''Baltor:''' Let's see if what they say is true. So it is you, the lost heiress to the throne of Sparx. <hr width=70%/> : '''Stormy:''' I can't wait to crush those fairies. : '''Baltor:''' Yes, go. Just make sure to leave Bloom out for me. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' You think you'd understand the balance of power by now, Icy! Whenever you face us, you lose! <hr width=70%/> : '''Baltor:''' Don't worry, Bloom. I don't want to harm you. I just wanted to see you face-to-face. : '''Bloom:''' You're destroying all of Tides, you've turned wondrous mermaids into horrible monsters! what is it you want, Baltor? What are you after? : '''Baltor:''' I just what belonged to me a long time ago. And I'm here as an old and forgotten courtesy to warn you to say out of my way. : '''Bloom:''' What do you mean by an old courtesy? : '''Baltor:''' You and I share a common past, Bloom. A shared history; something you're far too young to remember. ===The Mermaid Queen=== *Layla achieves her Enchantix form and greater water-controlling powers by sacrificing herself for her aunt, Queen Leshia. <hr width80%> :'''Bloom:''' I don't know if my fire spells will work underwater. <hr width80%> : '''Bloom:''' It's Layla's Enchantix. : '''Musa:''' It's beautiful. : '''Flora:''' It's totally amazing. : '''Bloom:''' Congratulations, Layla. Your sacrifice for Queen Leshia earned you your Enchantix powers. : '''Layla:''' So what? : '''Bloom:''' what do you mean "so what?" : '''Layla:''' I still can't see, Bloom. Everything is still dark. ===Royal Behavior=== : '''Faragonda:''' What happened to your friend is both terrible and wonderful. A dark spell has taken her sight. However, Layla was able to achieve her final fairy form. She now has Enchantix powers and that means she is strong enough to break Baltor's spell by herself. There is healing energy in the fairy dust on your new wings. If you concentrate hard, you be able to release it. Feel it all around you, dear. You don't need your eyes to see it. : '''Layla:''' I can see! I can see! : '''Faragonda:''' Fairy dust upon the wings of an Enchantix is one of strongest healing elements in the magical universe. <hr width=70%/> : '''Faragonda:''' There are things you must know about Baltor. things that connect him to you. : '''Bloom:''' Baltor said something like that on Tides, but I didn't know what he was talking about. : '''Faragonda:''' This book will explain to you what happened. What you see here is the Company of Light, a group of noble warriors who fought the three Ancient Witches. : '''Bloom:''' Baltor was with the Ancient Witches? : '''Faragonda:''' Yes. They are the ones who created him. At the beginning of the magical universe, when the Great Dragon was born, a tiny spark of its Fire fell into the darkness. The witches' took that dark ember and used it to create him. Now, the Company of Light was founded by your birth parents, Oritel and Miriam. <hr width80%> :'''Bloom:''' But if nobody really knows what happened to them, do you think it's possible they could be...? :'''Faragonda:''' What, dear? :'''Bloom:''' Well, that my parents could still be alive somewhere? :'''Faragonda:''' Bloom, I can't tell you. Nobody can. :'''Bloom:''' Nobody but Baltor! He's the last one saw my parents! He knows the answer! :'''Faragonda:''' Bloom, you must be very careful! Baltor is a vengeful creature, and if he finds out who you are he's going to try to destroy you! ===Dark Sky=== *Stella earns her Enchantix form and powers by saving her father King Radius from a dragon. <hr width80%> : '''Layla:''' Whoa! My Enchantix power has made this rubber glue spell a thousand times stronger. If I were you guys, I'd stop firing right now. <hr width=70%/> : '''Baltor:''' Bloom's heart is hurting. This loss will make her weak, which is exactly how I want her. ===Operation: Boyfriend Rescue=== :'''Stella''': ''[trying to figure out if she should call Brandon]'' On the one hand, he has a lot to do on Erakylon, but I am not the type of girl you don't check in on. Never have been, never will be, don't wanna be. <hr width="50%" /> :'''Riven''': How about operation let the dude choose, I mean your all assuming Sky wants to be rescued? :'''Bloom''': How could you say that!?! <hr width=70%/> : Stella: It's gonna be the end all right, but not for us! (''Transforms into her Enchantix form'') ''Shower of Light''. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' I don't want to fight you, Sky, I just want to talk to you. Then if you really want, I'll get out of your life for good. : '''Sky:''' You'll get out of it right now! : '''Stella:''' Hey, have it! :(''Blasts him with solar energy, revealing an all too familiar mark on his left forearm'') :'''Stella:''' That's Baltor's mark. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' Somehow, Baltor must have met up with Diaspro. And that goblet she gave him must have been his potion. : '''Musa:''' That's gonna be a strong spell, but maybe fairy dust can break it. : '''Stella:''' Coming right up. ===Attack of the Zombie Witches=== *Musa earns her Enchantix by refusing to leave Princess Galatea of Melody (the Harmonic Realm) behind. <hr width80%> : '''Musa:''' ''No!'' Never! ''I am not leaving you!!'' <hr width70%> : '''Princess Galatea:''' Oh, Musa. You've got your Enchantix. : '''Musa:''' Cool! Maybe I can stop this fire. And since it was dark magic that took your wings, some fairy dust should bring them back, too. ===Missing in Action=== : '''Flora:''' The trees were too scared, so they turned away. : '''Bloom:''' The trees were scared of Baltor? <hr width=70%/> (''Seeing Ms. Faragonda one with an oak tree'') : '''Bloom:''' Oh no. Ms. Faragonda. : '''Stella:''' Trans-combined with a tree? : '''Bloom:''' We have to do something! Especially for everything Ms. F's done for us. I only made this far as a fairy because of you. : '''Musa:''' Ms. Faragonda, I don't know if you can hear me. But trust me. We're gonna save you. ===Tears of the Black Willow=== *Flora achieves her Enchantix powers by saving her younger sister Rose (Miele). <hr width80%> : '''Flora:''' Everybody, this is my sister Rose. <hr width70%> : '''Stella:''' Welcome to the Enchantix squad, Musa. : '''Musa:''' I love my new wings. : '''Layla:''' Can you feel just how powerful is in them? <hr width70%> :'''Rose:''' Your friends are really brave. <hr width70%> :'''Bloom:''' Did you hear that, Tecna? :'''Tecna:''' Let's not try to disappoint her. :(''Fires a ray of virtual energy'') <hr width70%> : '''Stormy:''' Say goodbye, goody-goody! : '''Rose:''' No! :(''Takes the blast that was meant for her elder sister'') : '''Flora:''' Rose! ''That was my sister!'' <hr width70%> : '''Flora:''' Miele, why didn't you go back home?/Why didn't you go back home, Rose? : '''Miele/Rose:''' I just wanted to see what would happen./I just wanted to be brave. : '''Flora:''' I love you, my little blossom.../I'm not going to make it, sweetie. : '''Miele/Rose:''' Wait! Flora! : '''Flora:''' Bubble, bring her up!/Bubble, bring her to the surface. : '''Miele/Rose:''' FLORA, NOOOOOOO!!!!!! <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' Rose! What happened? Where's Flora? : '''Rose:''' She saved me. <hr width70%> : '''Layla:''' Congratulations, Flora. You got your Enchantix powers. : '''Rose:''' Thanks for saving me, Flora. : '''Flora:''' Hey, you saved me first. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' You three, stop misbehaving or we may have to spank you! ===Point of No Return=== *Tecna achieves her Enchantix powers due her self-sacrifice in closing the Omega portal and saving the realm of Tides, even it means of her being trapped in there. * When Bloom is screaming for Tecna, a closeup of her horrified face shows the makeup of her Enchantix attire, even though she has not yet achieved it. <hr width80%> : '''Flora:''' ''Ivy Rescue Vine''. :(''Stops Stella's fall'') <hr width=70%/> : '''Tecna:''' I can do this! : '''Flora:''' No, Tecna! Don't go in there! : '''Bloom:''' Tecna!! <hr width=70%/> : '''Layla:''' Let go! she can't risk her life for my planet! : '''Tibok:''' If she has chosen to go forward, you must let her do it. Perhaps she will be the one to close the gate. Perhaps this act of sacrifice is her destiny. <hr width=70%/> :(''Tecna has just achieved her Enchantix form and far stronger technology/data-based powers'') : '''Musa:''' What's she gonna do with the fairy dust? : '''Bloom:''' She's using it to force her way inside the portal!! <hr width=70%/> : '''Baltor:''' I must say, those fairies are certainly not afraid of sacrifice. : '''Stormy:''' Yeah, and they're lucky, too. They survived the Omega gate. : '''Darcy:''' Well, all but Tecna. : '''Icy:''' Which means there are only five fairies left for us to finish off. ===Payback!=== * The Nickelodeon title for this episode is "Revenge!" * Bloom is now the only Winx Club member who remains in her standard Winx/Fairy form. <hr width70%> : '''Flora:''' Tecna was a great fairy. : '''Layla:''' And she saved the entire realm of Tides with her sacrifice. : '''Timmy:''' Tecna's not gone! She's just trapped! : '''Riven:''' Tecna's disappeared inside the Omega portal! : '''Musa:''' And the gate closed forever, Timmy. <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' The Winx Club was the six of us together. It's just not the same without Tecna. : '''Musa:''' Maybe we should end it, like disband the group. : '''Stella:''' I hate to say it, but I agree. :'''Layla:''' It's the right thing. <hr width70%> :'''Bloom:''' It's over, Baltor!! :(''Baltor strikes Musa and Flora with his evil magic'') : '''Bloom:''' ''Dragon Fury'' : '''Baltor:''' Your powers are strong, Bloom, just like your mother's. : '''Bloom:''' What?! : '''Baltor:''' Miriam, the queen of planet Sparx. : '''Bloom:''' My mother? What do ''you'' know about her!? : '''Baltor:''' I defeated her. :<hr width=70%/> : '''Baltor:''' Your birth parents, Oritel and Miriam, were the leaders of the Company of Light. A bunch of do-good-er warriors who fought to save the magical dimension. : '''Musa:''' ''Base Boom''. : '''Baltor:''' I recently visited a planet whose magic was all about silence. Let me show you one of the strong spells I took from them. :(''Traps Musa in a soundproof bubble'') : '''Flora:''' ''Ivy Vine Wrap''. : '''Baltor:''' And for you, some magic of the cave dwellers of the Under Realm. They like total darkness. Flowers can't survive long without light, right? <hr width70%> : '''Baltor:''' So do you want to fight or do you want to hear about your parents, Bloom? : '''Bloom:''' I'm listening. : '''Baltor:''' I met Oritel and Miriam when I was a young wizard. I was the one who faced them in their final battle. First I trapped Miriam with a spell I learned from the dwellers of the dark dimension. Of course, King Oritel came to rescue her as I knew he would. Your birth father was very powerful. I could never have defeated him unless he lowered his guard to save your mother. While he used his magic to save his beloved, I used mine to send them both to Oblivion. And that's how it ended for your birth parents, Oritel and Miriam, the great king and queen of planet Sparx. I'm so glad we could share that story. :(''a furious Bloom is overflowing with Dragon Fire energy'') : '''Bloom:''' ''Why you!!'' : '''Baltor:''' Come on! Show me what you've got! Do it for Sparx! Do it for your parents! : (''A thoroughly enraged Bloom releases a tremendous amount of Dragon Fire energy'') :'''Baltor:''' ''Oposotius''. And so goes the last survivor of the planet Sparx. Destroyed by her own magic. <hr width=70%/> : '''Stella:''' This calls for some fairy dust. : '''Griffin:''' I see you made progress. I remember when Faragonda first got her Enchantix. All my best spells became useless against her. <hr width80%> :'''Faragonda:''' Stella, get us out of here! :'''Bloom:''' NO!! we have to beat him! For Tecna and for Miriam and Oritel!! :'''Faragonda:''' I'm sorry, Bloom, but not today. <hr width80%> :'''Faragonda:''' There is just one place you can go to become stronger, Bloom. It is called Pyros, also known as the Island of Dragons. The power you can get there is great, but the dangers are severe. :'''Bloom:''' I don't care! Baltor destroyed my parents and took Tecna! If will help me beat him, then I'll do it. <hr width80%> :'''Baltor:''' I cannot allow the heir to the throne of Sparx to survive! :'''Icy:''' How about we just go get Bloom for you? :'''Darcy:''' Yeah. We'll wait till she's away from her friends. :'''Baltor:''' Good. Go and bring her here, then we'll destroy her together. ===The Island of Dragons=== *Bloom has a vision of her ghostly elder sister Daphne. <hr width80%> : '''Daphne:''' Bloom. Bloom. : '''Bloom:''' Daphne? : '''Daphne:''' You must find your inner dragon. : '''Bloom:''' My inner dragon? What dragon? : '''Daphne:''' Your dragon. <hr width=70%/> : '''Layla:''' ''Enchanted Morfix''. : '''Guard:''' I don't like stepping stuff, and I don't like pink! ===The Power Within=== *The Nickelodeon title is "Building Hope." *Bloom earns her immense Enchantix by "being fearless and open to her powers". However, it dangerously incomplete as she did not earn it via bravery and self-sacrifice but rather through sheer willpower. In the Nickelodeon version, she earns it by refusing to let Baltor win. <hr width80%> :'''Baltor:''' I don't know how, but Tecna has managed to communicate from the Omega Dimension. :'''Icy:''' But that's impossible. :'''Baltor:''' And now they're going to get a rescue party together, fly there and bring her back to Alfea. :'''Icy:''' And do you want us to ruin their party? :'''Baltor:''' No. What I want you to do is go deal with Bloom. :'''Stormy:''' I am totally game for that. :'''Icy:''' I'm always game for messin' up Bloom. :'''Baltor:''' Bloom is strengthening her already impressive powers. She's training on an island called Pyros. :'''Icy:''' I'm guessing you want us to mess up Bloom's little island vacation? <hr width80%> : '''Bloom:''' My name is Bloom and I came to Pyros to get stronger. And so far, I found my inner dragon, and that's good and all. But I'm still not strong enough and I don't what else to do to make that happen. : '''Maya:''' If you want to get stronger, you must open your heart and your mind. I can see that the universe has given you a mission. You are destined to battle an evil force. You possess plenty of power to destroy it. : '''Bloom:''' You can really see all that? : '''Maya:''' I see it clearly. <hr width=70%/> : '''Maya:''' You want to ask me about your Enchantix? : '''Bloom:''' Yes. Even though there's no one left from my realm, is it still possible for me to earn it? : '''Maya:''' Many things are possible on Pyros that are not possible elsewhere. For you to achieve your goal, Bloom, you must let go of your fear. : '''Bloom:''' Is losing all your fear really possible? <hr width=70%/> : '''Musa:''' ''Sound Wave Attack''. : '''Stella:''' Can't have sound without light. ''Sunbeam Shower''. <hr width=70%/> : '''Maya:''' I have something for you. Here. Take this, so you can always remember the lessons you leaned on Pyros. : '''Bloom:''' That's so pretty. What's in it? : '''Maya:''' Every magical place and every magical being has a unique essence. And this contains the essence of Pyros. And now I'm going to help you let go of fear and believe in your ability to get what you want. Sit. When you do these things, you'll understand your true essence. And that's how you get stronger. : '''Bloom:''' I feel like I'm getting there, I just wish I had my Enchantix. : '''Maya:''' I believe that it's within you. I believe that you can find your Enchantix if you truly set your mind to it. <hr width70%> :(''Bloom breaks out of the ice cube'') : '''Darcy:''' Whoa! She got stronger. : '''Icy:''' It seems like our little friend learned a new trick or two at Loser Bootcamp. <hr width70%> : '''Icy:''' Just so you know, after we capture you, we're bringing you back to Baltor: : '''Bloom''' (''thinking'')''':''' Baltor! I've had ''enough'' of Baltor! I believe. I believe I have the power in me. ''I'm gonna use it to stop Baltor! And it's starting right here, right now with these witches!'' :(''Starts overflowing with great mystical energy'') :'''Bloom:'''I am fearless and open to my powers! :(''transforms into her Enchantix form for the first time'') :'''Bloom:''' ''Enchanted Sphere''. :(''Encases the Trix sisters inside an orb of Dragon Fire'') :'''Bloom:''' This is my island, witches! <hr width70%> :'''Maya:''' I knew you had it in you. : '''Bloom:''' Did you see that, Maya? I believed that I could do it, and I got my Enchantix. : '''Maya:''' Yes you did. You found your inner dragon, and now you've unlocked your deepest source of power. And for that, you should be very proud of yourself. You came to Pyros looking for more strength. But because of your courage, what you ended up finding was even bigger than any magical power you could ever have. Listen. You are finding yourself and there is nothing more powerful than that. Now go back to Alfea and put your gift to good use. ===The Omega Mission=== *Bloom was unable to transform at first, due to her Enchantix being dangerously incomplete. <hr width80%> : '''Bloom:''' I was able to grow so much, and I got way more in touch with my powers, but... : '''Griselda:''' There's always a "but." : '''Bloom:''' I don't understand how I got my Enchantix without saving anybody from my realm. : '''Faragonda:''' You've became a rare exception to the rules of fairies, a very rare exception. On Pyros, you used all of your willpower. And your belief in yourself was powerful that it simply transformed you. It's as if you willed yourself into an Enchantix. :'''Griselda:''' Very impressive. :'''Bloom:''' Thanks a lot. <hr width70%> :''[Bloom and Sky are on the bench]'' :'''Sky''': I didn't go to the omega dimension prison has dead prisoners because I was put under active control at Red fountain, but when I heard you were back I asked Codatorta to escort me special permission. :'''Bloom''': And cause you were so nice he said yes? :'''Sky''': Exactly yeah. :''[They hug]'' :'''Bloom''': Who told you I was back from pyros. :'''Sky''': That's confidential Imfornation bloom sorry. :''[Amore comes out from behind the bench]'' :'''Amore''': I told himbecause of true love. :''[Bloom and Sky leave each other and blush]'' :'''Chatta''': Amore! :'''Amore''': What, what's wrong with what I said? :'''Tune''': Look! You made them both blush! <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' I wish I could go with you, Tecna, but I haven't been able to transform since I got back from Pyros. :'''Tecna:''' Then we'll walk. <hr width70%> :'''Tecna:''' What are you doing, Bloom? You can't transform. :'''Bloom:''' I'm gonna have to. <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' Musa's fairy dust must have fixed whatever was keeping me from transforming. So what do you say we take this snake out, get our guys, and head for home? <hr width80%> :'''Stella:''' I think your new mega dragon attack finished him off. :'''Musa:''' Alright! Way to go, Bloom. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' Wait a second. It's not over yet. : '''Layla:''' What are you talking about, Bloom? : '''Musa:''' That snake is history : '''Bloom:''' No it's not, you guys. When my dragon form collided with it, we formed a kind of instant connection. And now it's speaking to me or as long as I'm hearing what it's thinking. : '''Flora:'''And what is it telling you, Bloom? : '''Bloom:''' It's telling that is the ice snake's purpose to keep all things imprisoned. And since its part of the Omega Dimension itself, Is impossible to destroy. ===Day at the Museum=== : '''Bloom:''' ''Dragon Energy''. : '''Tecna:''' A logical strategy. Increasing the air friction around the creature should slow it down. : '''Layla:''' She's losing control. : '''Flora:''' Griselda, you have to do something! : '''Faragonda:''' Not just yet. Give her a second. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' Did I do it? : '''Faragonda:''' You successfully repelled the negotiator, yes. But your magic was out of control. Bloom, I'm not going to lie to you. Your Enchantix power is dangerously incomplete. The others have a power that was born out of sacrifice. But your Enchantix was created by pure force of will. It's not the same thing at all. : '''Bloom:''' All that I really care about, Ms. F, is that my power works against Baltor. And it should do that, don't you think? : '''Faragonda:''' I'm not sure how your power will work. And speaking of Baltor, he's disappeared. : '''Bloom:''' What do you mean? I thought he was a Cloud Tower. : '''Faragonda:''' He escaped. But on the plus side, Cloud Tower is safe again. : '''Bloom:''' That's great. But...Baltor is the only one who knows what happened to my birth parents, Oritel and Miriam. So I have to find him and make him tell me. <hr width=70%/> : '''Baltor:''' Well, look at you. Enchantix and Dragon Fire together. Finally, a decent challenge. : '''Bloom:''' Come and get me, Baltor! The protection glass is magic-proof. Your spells won't go through it!! : '''Baltor:''' Yes, but they will go around it. :(''Throws a ball of fire, but Bloom's orange fairy dust purifies it'') <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' The Dragon Fire and the Enchantix aren't what's going to beat you Baltor. It's six Enchantix together! <hr width70%> : '''Baltor:''' Bloom, someday I'll get that little fairy dust pendant right from your neck and add it to my collection of trinkets. But I'm afraid I'm going to fight all of you today. Just ''you!!'' ===Biker Wedding Crashers=== : '''Stella:''' Stop right there! As long as I'm around, you'll never become the queen of Solaria! : '''Cassandra''': Stella! : '''Stella:''' People of Solaria, this monster and her wannabee daughter have bewitched your king! : '''Cassandra:''' Don't listen to her! She's lying! <hr width70%> : '''Stella:''' No! Daddy! : '''Chimera:''' Daddy can't hear you. : '''Stella:''' Can you not take a hint!!? <hr width70%> : '''King Radius:''' Who are you? : '''Stella:''' I'm your daughter, Daddy. Your Stella. Don't you remember? You used to call me Stella-my-Bella and my little ray of sunshine. : '''King Radius:''' I don't recall. : '''Stella:''' Stupid, Baltor! No way is he taking my father away from me!! Fairy dust!! ===The Golden Kingdom=== : '''Musa:''' See what you think of this. ''Sound Cage''. :(''Bloom is encased in a dome of sound, but easily overwhelms it with a mighty burst of Dragon Fire energy'') :'''Musa:''' Man, I channeled all my Winx into that attack. : '''Flora:''' OK. Guess I'm up next. Don't take this personally. <hr width=70%/> : '''Lockette:''' You leave Bloom alone. : '''Stella:''' Don't worry. We're not really fighting. : '''Bloom:''' Yeah. Since Baltor and I both get our power from the Dragon Fire, we figured that we found a way to beat my power, we can use to beat his. But so far, no luck. <hr width=70%/> : '''Tecna:''' I've got it! I know how to defeat the Dragon Fire! According to the book, at the beginning of the magical universe when the Great Dragon was born, another opposite force was created as well. This opposite force was contained in Water Stars. : '''Amore:''' But, Tecna, Water Stars don't exist anymore. : '''Tecna:''' In this dimension they don't. : '''Bloom:''' What do you mean by that? :'''Tecna:''' Because they're naturally opposed to each other, the Dragon Fire and Water Stars couldn't exist in the same dimension. So the Ancient Wizards came together and opened a portal to seal them off from our dimension. : '''Bloom:''' Where are they now? : '''Tecna:''' In the Golden Kingdom. <hr width=70%/> : '''Icy:''' I felt something really gross, like the way a sunset feels. : '''Baltor:''' It was a wave of positive energy. And there's only one place it could've come from- the Golden Kingdom. Show me the Red Tower! So they have gone to the Golden Kingdom. For Water Stars. Here! Take this and destroy Bloom now. That's my girl. : '''Darcy:''' Icy's your girl? : '''Baltor:''' You're all my girls! Now go! ===The Crystal Labyrinth=== : '''Sky:''' Looks like some kind of ancient language. Can any of you guys read it? : '''Bloom:''' It says "only those who are pure of heart may enter." <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' I have an idea. Since our fairy dust is anti-darkness, I bet if we spray it on ourselves it should remove all traces of darkness from us. : '''Stella:''' What darkness? : '''Timmy:''' Everybody's got some kind of darkness. Like vanity. : '''Stella:''' Oh. <hr width70%> : '''Musa:''' We're miniaturizing. : '''Tecna:''' I guess the time was right. : '''Bloom:''' I couldn't do it. Since my Enchantix wasn't earned the same way as yours, Ms. Faragonda said it may have limitations. But I want you girls to on ahead. We need the Water Stars. They're our only hope to stop Baltor. <hr width=70%/> : '''Icy:''' Looks like it's just you and me, Bloom. : '''Bloom:''' You don't have a chance, Icy! : '''Icy:''' 'Cause of your big bad Enchantix powers? well, Baltor wanted me to give you ''this!'' Anti-dark dust from the dark dimension. It renders you powerless. How do you like my chances now? What should we do with you, Bloom? I know! How about we reenact the night we first met? I seem to remember putting you into a block of ice! ===The Wizard's Challenge=== <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' I think we should try a more practical approach. If they activate when they come into contact with Dragon Fire energy, then maybe I'm the key to unleashing their full power. : '''Musa:''' But remember, Boom, if they can destroy Baltor because of his Dragon Fire then they can destroy you too. : '''Bloom:''' I know it's very risky for me, but I don't we have a choice. <hr width70%> : '''Tecna:''' No one's allowed in here without a library card!! : '''Layla:''' ''Morfix Shield''. : '''Flora:''' ''Ivy Vine Wrap''. : '''Stella:''' ''Solarian Sunbeam''. : '''Bloom:''' ''Dragon Fury''. <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' I know it's risky, you guys, but I try to activate the Water Stars. : '''Stella:''' Wait! Don't do it, Bloom! You don't know how they could affect you! : '''Baltor:''' What they do to me, they'll do to you. : '''Flora:''' We can do this without the Water Stars. : '''Bloom:''' Flora, you know we can't. They're our only hope. ''Dragon Essence''. : '''Flora:''' Bloom are you OK? : '''Bloom:''' I'm fine, but what about Baltor? <hr width=70%> : '''Bloom:''' Baltor, it's over. : '''Baltor:''' If you destroy me, Bloom, you'll also destroy your parents. : '''Bloom:''' What!? What are you talking about!? : '''Baltor:''' They're inside of me. As I'm sure you are aware, when I fought the final battle between your birth parents, Oritel and Miriam, they defeated me. : '''Bloom:''' Yeah? : '''Baltor:''' But what you don't know is just before they sent me away, I cast an absorption spell and imprisoned them in my body. And so, Bloom, if you destroy me, they will be gone forever, too. : '''Bloom''' (''tearful'')''':''' Oh no, that's... : '''Layla:''' Baltor just escaped. ===The Witches' Crypt=== * The Nickelodeon title is "Finding the Truth" * Bloom discovers that her biological parents are very much alive, in a dark realm separate from the magical universe itself. <hr width70%> :'''Faragonda:''' No, I don't know if Baltor is telling the truth about your parents or if's just trying to trick you to gain an advantage in the battle. But if he is telling the truth and he did use an absorption spell, then his fate and your parents will be one and the same. :'''Bloom:''' I thought my strong connection with Baltor was because both of our powers come from the Dragon Fire, but maybe there's another reason. :'''Faragonda:''' And what do you think that is, Bloom? :'''Bloom:''' Maybe what I'm actually hearing is my parents trapped inside of him! That they're calling out to me, begging me to help them. <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' Let's try to add the magical energy of the Water Stars to our Enchantix powers. : '''Musa:''' Good idea, Bloom. But what about their affect on you? : '''Bloom:''' They only affect me once they're activated. So I'll put up a shield to protect myself. : '''Stella:''' All right! Let's activate them! <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' I wish I could go along with you, but my Enchantix power is still incomplete. And no matter what I try, it won't let me miniaturize. : '''Stella:''' Don't worry, Bloom. We got it covered. <hr width70%> :'''Bloom:''' You did it! You broke Baltor's spell! :'''Stella:''' It was just as easy as changing my sweater back. <hr width70%> :'''Baltor:''' You know all about the power of laughter, don't you? Well, soon you'll learn about the power of tears. : '''Icy:''' You and Bloom are inseparable. It's like there's some fate aura drawing you two together. : '''Baltor:''' And I think you three are linked to Bloom. But the sad fact of the matter is that neither of you has or ever has had what it takes to destroy her. : '''Icy:''' It's her Enchantix that's the problem. : '''Darcy:''' It gives her advantage. : '''Baltor:''' Sounds like an excuse to me. But then again, maybe you're right. Maybe all we need to do is level the playing field and give you ladies your own new power. Something we can call your Disenchantix. I'm going to cast a spell on you from the misery dimension. ''Power of the wind, power of ice, power darkness, it's time to grow. Draw from the void of misery and thieve and flourish''. Now you have your own version of the Enchantix, only way cooler. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' This is the presence Ms. Faragonda sensed. I feel it. Show yourself dark witches! : '''Belladonna:''' Heiress to the throne of Sparx, you have come to inquire about the fate of your birth parents, Oritel and Miriam, have you not? : '''Bloom:''' Yes. I want to know what happened to them! I want to know where they are! : '''Lysslis:''' Do you want the truth or simply something that will comfort you? : '''Bloom:''' I want the truth about what happened, no matter how hard it is to hear! : '''Belladonna:''' Then the truth is exactly what we will tell you. :'''Bloom:''' Huh? :'''Belladonna:''' Your parents, the King and Queen of Sparx, are not prisoners in Baltor's body. That was a trap he set for you. Oritel and Miriam are alive. : '''Bloom''' (''relieved'')''':''' Alive!? Where are they? : '''Lysslis:''' In a place far away. Not in this realm or even this dimension. : '''Bloom:''' Nothing is too far away for me! Tell me where they are and I'll go there! : '''Belladonna:''' It is not a place you can go! And that is all we will say! : '''Bloom:''' No! Wait! I want to know where my parents are! You can't leave me like this! ''You can't!'' <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' Baltor lied to me. He didn't capture my birth parents, and they aren't trapped inside of him. And now that know this, I can fight him with all of my might and all my power. ===The Spell of the Elements=== *The Nickelodeon title is "Valtor's Fury" <hr width70%> : '''Baltor:''' I am unbeatable!! : '''Icy:''' It sure didn't look that way, dude. : '''Darcy:''' Yeah. No offense, but those Water Stars knocked you on your unbeatable butt. : '''Stormy:''' Maybe you need to get some new spells and, you know, bulk up. : '''Icy:''' Yeah. Like get some new buff in the Magix department. (''the Trix laugh'') : '''Baltor:''' SILENCE!! ''I am Baltor! I am the greatest wizard in the magical universe!!'' ''Do not dare challenge me!!'' <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' We're still going to beat you Baltor. As long as there's a single once of energy in our bodies, we'll fight you! : '''Baltor:''' Here! See how you like ''this!'' :(''Blasts Bloom with the Water Stars immeasurable, mystical energy'') The Water Stars are painful, aren't they, Bloom? : '''Stella:''' To me, they're no different than a regular blast. : '''Tecna:''' Same goes for me. : '''Musa:''' Come on, girls! We have to protect Bloom. <hr width=70%/> : '''Baltor:''' Oblivion awaits you, Bloom! The same place I sent your parents! Fairy dust can't stop me. I'm not a dark spell and neither are the Water Stars. <hr width=70%> : '''Layla:''' I'm' going in. : '''Stella:''' Wait! Don't. We have to trust that Bloom knows what she's doing. : '''Musa:''' What if she doesn't? :(''Bloom collapses, due to repeated energy blasts from the Water Stars'') : '''Flora:''' Oh no. : '''Baltor:''' And so goes the last survivor to the throne of Sparx. <hr width=70%/> : '''Baltor:''' You five are next. : '''Stella:''' Before you start firing, you might wanna check your box. It looks like it's leaking. : '''Baltor:''' What!? NO!! : '''Stella:''' Bloom's fairy dust may not have affected you, but it busted your stash of spells right open. <hr width70%> :'''Baltor:''' You three get back here, right now!! :'''Icy:''' I wish we had time ti discuss this, but let's make one thing clear: You and us, we're over!! :'''Darcy:''' Yeah, see ya, loser. :'''Stormy:''' Buh-bye. ===A New Beginning/Fire and Flame/The Final Battle=== * This Season Three finale is followed by ''The Secret of the Lost Kingdom'' 3D CGI movie. <hr width70%> : '''Stella:''' That was an ''Enchantix Sunburst''. You should be gone. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' There's no point in fighting this thing. The only way I can beat is to attack the one who controls it. Find Baltor! And hit him where he hides!! (''Fires an orb of Dragon Fire, which unexpectedly hits Baltor from behind'') This thing stopped, which means I must have hit Baltor. <hr width=70%/> : '''Ancient Witches:''' Baltor. Baltor. : '''Baltor:''' Who are you!? : '''Ancient Witches:''' Is it possible that you forgot about us, Baltor? : '''Baltor:''' Show yourself! : '''Ancient Witches:''' You don't give orders to us, Baltor! ''We'' give orders to ''you''! : '''Baltor:''' The three Ancestresses. : '''Ancient Witches:''' You disappointed us, Baltor. So we're calling you back from this world! : '''Baltor:''' You think you can make me go back with you!? You three may have created me, but you do not control me! I've outgrown you and passed you by! What are you doing!? : '''Ancient Witches:''' From the limbo where we are exiled, we're not allowed to act on the outside world. But nothing can stop us from acting on ''you'', because you are ours, Baltor! : '''Baltor:''' No! Stop it!! : '''Ancient Witches:''' You failed! Your magic powers were squandered. And for that you must pay! We will take the part that is the wizard and leave the part that is the beast! You will be stronger and more brutal! Now go destroy all that is in your path! <hr width=70%/> : '''Layla:''' Not looking too good, Baltor. : '''Baltor:''' Soon you won't be either! : '''Layla:''' ''Morfix Bolt''. : '''Flora:''' ''Enchantix Ivy Wrap''. <hr width=70%/> :(''Combining Enchantix powers with Musa and Tecna'') : '''Stella:''' Enchantix convergence power. : '''Baltor:''' Is that it? : '''Stella:''' I thought that was pretty strong. : '''Bloom:''' As a beast, Baltor is much stronger than he was as a wizard. But I have an idea. There's a spell I learned on Pyros that just might work. <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' Power of the Flame, leave me. Go and find Baltor's fire. :(''A tiny orb-shaped spark of the Dragon Fire leaves her, causing her to faint'') <hr width70%> :'''Musa:''' Whoa, look. :'''Tecna:''' It's her Dragon Fire. <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' I did it, Baltor! I've traveled to the inner sanctum of your Dragon Fire. And now that I'm here, I'm gonna put out your Dragon Fire flame once and for all! <hr width70%> : '''Sky:''' Bloom, talk to me! :'''Stella:''' She's not here, Sky. She's over there, fighting for all of us. <hr width70%> :'''Valtor''': Thank you, Bloom. I was getting a little warm. :'''Bloom''': Valtor. :'''Valtor''': It was bold of you to come back here for sure. But what did you think you were going to achieve? :'''Bloom''': I guess that's what we're about to find out. :'''Valtor''': Come on, then. Attack me. Vent your anger. But remember this is not going to bring your birth parents back. :'''Bloom''': Shut up, Valtor! You don't know anything about them! :'''Valtor''': Oh yes I do. I know that I lied to you in the past and so, of course I totally understand if you don't believe me now. But the fact of the matter is it's the three ancient witches that are to blame for Oritel and Marion's demise. You should turn your rage on them. Join me. I'll regain control of my body and together, we will destroy the ancient witches. Their power as well as the magic knowledge of every single planet will be ours. We are the same, Bloom. Don't forget it. :'''Bloom''': We're nothing alike, Valtor. And once your fire is out, nothing will be left for you, I swear. :'''Valtor''': All right, then. I gave you one last chance. And now I'm going to destroy you! :'''Bloom''': Fairy Dust, extinguish the fire! <hr width70%> : '''Baltor:''' Your fairy dust erased the dark magic of the Ancestresses. : '''Bloom:''' But that's...! : '''Baltor:''' And now I am myself again- A wizard created from a dark ember of the Great Dragon's fire! : '''Bloom:''' I'm still gonna finish you off!! : '''Baltor:''' I have a better idea, Bloom. Something that will help me achieve my destiny, and you finally locate your birth parents. : '''Bloom:''' I don't believe you know anything about my birth parents!! : '''Baltor:''' But the Ancient Witches do. In fact, they hold the key to both our destinies: : For you finding Oritel and Miriam, and for me achieving the greatness that I deserve. So this is what I propose to you, Bloom: Turn your rage on the Ancestresses and join me. Together we will be strong enough to defeat them and make them give us what we want. You and I are the same, Bloom. We are book ends, matching pieces of the greatest ancient magic ever to exist. : '''Bloom:''' The only thing we have in common is our Dragon Fire! And right now, my is gonna fight yours until one of them is out. : '''Baltor:''' So be it. I gave you one last chance! And now I'm going to destroy you! : Bloom: Not if I destroy you first! ''Dragon Fire Fury''. <hr width=70%> : '''Faragonda:''' Well done, girls. Baltor's essence now rests with the Ancient Witches. <hr width70%> : '''Nabu:''' You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, Layla. :(''The two lovers share a loving hug'') <hr width70%> : '''Faragonda:''' Your Enchantix powers are still incomplete. But the courage you showed on Tides, tells me that you're ready, Bloom. I believe you now have what it takes to find the Ancient Witches, break their dark spell, and finally find your birth parents. : '''Bloom:''' I think I'm ready. Mom, Dad, I feel like we're going to meet really soon. ==Cast== ===Cinélume=== *Helena Evangeliou as Bloom *Jennifer Seguin as Stella *Holly Gauthier-Frankel as Flora *Sarah McCullough as Musa, Stormy, (Episode 1-3), Matlin *Anik Matern as Musa, Stormy *Jodie Resther as Tecna, Daphne *Lucinda Davis as Layla, Digit *Cedric Kühle as Valtor *Eleanor Noble as Icy *Carrie Finley as Darcy *Danny Brochu as Sky *Mark Hauser as Brandon *Michael Yarmush as Timmy *Mitchell Rothpan as Riven *Martin Watier as Helia *Susan Glover as Griselda *Mary Smith as Amore === 4Kids === *Liza Jacquline as Bloom *Caren Manuel as Stella and Darcy *Lisa Adams as Stella (stand-in) * Kerry Williams as Flora, Francine, Amore, Rose * Lisa Ortiz as Musa, Icy, Digit, Mitzi, Matlin * Rebecca Soler as Tecna * Vashthy Mompoint as Layla * Sean Schemmel as Baltor * Suzy Myers as Stormy * Dan Green as Sky * Greg Abbey as Brandon * Michael Sinterniklaas as Riven * Sebastian Arcelus as Timmy and Palladium * Matt Charles as Ophir/Nabu * Pete Zarustica as Kiko and Wizgiz * Rachael Lillis as Faragonda, Barbatea, DuFour, Amaryl, Ortensia, Priscilla, Lucy, Ediltrude * Carol Jacobanis as Griffin * Michael Alston as Saladin * Marc Thompson as Knut, Avalon * Erica Schroeder as Daphne, Piff, Galatea * Su Meredith as Griselda * Kayzie Rogers as Vanessa * Stuart Zagnit as Mike * Veronica Taylor as Alice, Diaspro, and Zarathustra * Amy Palant as Mirta ===Atlas Oceanic=== *Molly C. Quinn as Bloom *Amy Gross as Stella *Alejandra Reynoso as Flora *Romi Dames as Musa *Morgan Deckner as Tecna *Keke Palmer as Aisha *Josh Keaton as Valtor *Larisa Oleynik as Icy *Jennifer Cody as Darcy *Kimberly Brooks as Stormy *Matt Shively as Sky *Adam Gregory as Brandon *David Faustino as Helia *Charlie Schlatter as Timmy *Sam Riegel as Riven *Will Blagrove as Ophir/Nabu * Kath Soucie as Cassandra * Rachael Macfarlane as Chimera *Kari Wahlgren as Faragonda, Narrator *Susanne Blakeslee as Griselda *Mitchell Whitfield as Palladium *Dee Bradley Baker as Kiko and Wizgiz * Grey DeLisle as Belladonna * Candi Milo as Lysslis * Laraine Newman as Tharma, Barbatea, Ligea, Maia * Laura Bailey as Tressa * André Sogliuzzo as Radius * Jennifer Hale as Galatea * Jessica DiCicco as Miele * Jim Cummings as Taboc, Ice Spirits [[Category:Winx Club seasons]] 10yq9bmskxn8ybp63cui0886e0ycwy6 3779032 3779031 2025-07-15T05:48:26Z 2601:84:C903:B4E0:CCD7:7A38:B89E:B671 /* Cinélume */ 3779032 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Seasons:''' [[Winx Club (season 1)|1]] [[Winx Club (season 2)|2]] [[Winx Club (season 3)|3]] [[Winx Club (season 4)|4]] [[Winx Club (season 5)|5]] [[Winx Club (season 6)|6]] [[Winx Club (season 7)|7]] | [[Winx Club|Main]] ---- '''''[[w:Winx Club|Winx Club]]''''' is an animated television series created by [[w:Iginio Straffi|Iginio Straffi]] and animated by [[w:Rainbow (company)|Rainbow SpA]], in co-production with [[w:Nickelodeon|Nickelodeon]] (Seasons 5 and 6) and [[w:Rai Fiction|Rai Fiction]]. ===The Princess' Ball/The Princess Ball/The Perfect Dress=== :'''Stella''': I'll take this one to Mom's, that one to Dad's... no, wait, I need the blue top for Mom's picnic. But then I should have the red dress for Dad's royal parade. :'''Amore''': The red dress is really beautiful, Stella. :'''Stella''': True. I should probably wear it to Mom's garden tea party. Do you know any cloning spells? :'''Amore''': Uh... nuh-uh. <hr width80%> :'''Musa:''' I'm gettin' my hair spelled. <hr width80%> :'''Aisha:''' Hey, girls! So, how'd it go? :'''Stella:''' Fine. Musa, what did you do to your hair? :'''Musa:''' A little change of style. :'''Stella:''' Very nice! And I just updated my wardrobe with a new dress! :'''Musa:''' Can we see it? ===Beauty Is a Beast=== :'''Bloom:''' I ask you to show me my birth parents, Oritel and Miriam. Show me what happened them. Sparx! That's when the Coven destroyed my planet. Oritel and Miriam. :'''Stella:''' Don't cry, sweetie. Oritel and Miriam were standing there, which must mean they're still alive. :'''Bloom:''' Do you really think that's what it means? :'''Stella:''' You asked the room to show what happened to them. So it must mean that they're out there somewhere. <hr width80%> :'''Chimera''': ''Your days as your father's little angel are over. By the power of Valtor, change. Transmit, transform, transmute!'' :(''casts the dark spell to turn Stella into a monster'') :'''Cassandra''': Radius, this monster is not your daughter. Listen to my voice, this monster is not your daughter, now do as I say. <hr width="50%" /> :'''Stella''': Tell the guards who I am! :'''Bloom''': Hey, this is Princess Stella! :'''Chimera''': That hideous monstrosity? That can't be Princess Stella. <hr width="50%" /> :'''Musa''': I have the feeling were not gonna be invited to the next party! :'''Bloom''': We'll be happy if we just get out of here in one piece. :'''Stella''': Hey! ''[Flora screams]'' Oh no, I'm so ugly I even scare my own friends! :'''Flora''': I'm sorry, Stella, I didn't mean to scream. Come here, sweetie! <hr width="50%" /> :'''Flora''': Since there's no hip-hop in this palace, how about rap? Ivy rap, that is. <hr width="50%" /> :'''Guard 1''': Get the monster! :'''Bloom''': That's not a monster, it's Princess Stella! :'''Guard 2''': She's lying. Our princess could never look that hideous. :'''Guard 1''': He's right! Get her! ===Pretty, Pretty Princess=== :'''Musa''': Wow, this rain, it's like anti-magic. :'''Tecna''': It weakened our spells and strength but luckily, we still have enough Winx left to save Stella. :'''Stella''': The way I look, I probably be better off if you hadn't. :'''Bloom''': We'll get you changed back, Stella, but in the meantime, I think you're kind of cuddly. :'''Flora''': Yeah, kind of like a cross between a frog and a bear or on second thought, maybe a dragon. :'''Stella''': I'm green, I'm hideous, and I'm giving a whole new meaning of the term, bloated! :'''Bloom''': It's a spell. We'll figure out a way to break it. <hr width="50%" /> :'''Bloom''': Hold on, are we forgetting something? :'''Musa''': Narrow passageway, plus-size fairy? Not good. :'''Stella''': Plus-size fairy?! That's not very nice! :'''Bloom''': We got you, Stella! :'''Musa''': And I didn't mean anything by calling you plus-size. :'''Stella''': Musa, you're too concern with your figure. <hr width="50%" /> :'''Bloom''': The leeches are gone! Thanks, Stella, you saved us! :'''Stella''': Hey, I might not be pretty, but I'm still tough! <hr width="50%" /> :'''Brandon''': Hey there, beautiful! :'''Stella''': Way to go, inner self! You got it going on! :'''Brandon''': Say what? :'''Stella''': Come on! ===The Mirror of Truth=== : '''Faragonda:''' Sophomores have be able to achieve their Charmix. This year, you must acquire your Enchantix. This is your final fairy form, which will give you access to far greater powers; such as fairy dust and miniaturization. The test will find you at a critical moment in time. You must rescue someone from your own world. This the only way you can earn your Enchantix. And the only way for you to protect your worlds from evil and destruction. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' Rescue someone from my own world? But everyone on Sparx disappeared a long time ago. Unless Oritel and Miriam are still alive, then no one from my world is left. And I'll never get my Enchantix. <hr width=70%/> :'''Brandon''': Stella... :'''Stella''': You don't understand! :'''Brandon''': I do! :'''Stella''': You see me as my old self because of Flora's spell! :'''Brandon''': Stella, maybe this isn't the best time to tell you this, but I can see what you look like. :'''Stella''': Hmm? But how is that possible? :'''Brandon''': Flora's illusion spell wore off back on the ship. :'''Stella''': And you can still look at me even though I look like a hideous monster? :'''Brandon''': You're still the same beautiful person inside. You still have the same heart, Stella. Girls, tell her what you see when you look at her. :'''Tecna''': I see a totally honest person, who always says what's on her mind. :'''Flora''': Is cheerful and upbeat and fun. :'''Musa''': A kind of crazy fairy that makes me laugh. :'''Bloom''': And I see a best friend forever. :'''Stella''': Do you really think all that about me? I always thought people just thought I was pretty. ===Mission to Tides=== :'''Bloom:''' Every time you mention Baltor's name, I have these visions. Weird visions of Sparx. And what's even weirder is that I see things I couldn't have seen 'cause I was just a baby. And then everything starts racing through my head until it all goes to black!! <hr width80%> :'''Icy:''' This new power Baltor gave me is cool. :'''Darcy:''' Baltor gave you a new power? :'''Stormy''': We know she's his favorite. But don't worry: she'll mess it up just like she always does. :'''Icy''': Spoken like a real witch, but true, although perhaps Baltor will be different. Nah. Eventually he'll disappoint me, but in the meantime, it could be fun. <hr width=70%/> :'''Baltor:''' Let's see if what they say is true. So it is you, the lost heiress to the throne of Sparx. <hr width=70%/> : '''Stormy:''' I can't wait to crush those fairies. : '''Baltor:''' Yes, go. Just make sure to leave Bloom out for me. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' You think you'd understand the balance of power by now, Icy! Whenever you face us, you lose! <hr width=70%/> : '''Baltor:''' Don't worry, Bloom. I don't want to harm you. I just wanted to see you face-to-face. : '''Bloom:''' You're destroying all of Tides, you've turned wondrous mermaids into horrible monsters! what is it you want, Baltor? What are you after? : '''Baltor:''' I just what belonged to me a long time ago. And I'm here as an old and forgotten courtesy to warn you to say out of my way. : '''Bloom:''' What do you mean by an old courtesy? : '''Baltor:''' You and I share a common past, Bloom. A shared history; something you're far too young to remember. ===The Mermaid Queen=== *Layla achieves her Enchantix form and greater water-controlling powers by sacrificing herself for her aunt, Queen Leshia. <hr width80%> :'''Bloom:''' I don't know if my fire spells will work underwater. <hr width80%> : '''Bloom:''' It's Layla's Enchantix. : '''Musa:''' It's beautiful. : '''Flora:''' It's totally amazing. : '''Bloom:''' Congratulations, Layla. Your sacrifice for Queen Leshia earned you your Enchantix powers. : '''Layla:''' So what? : '''Bloom:''' what do you mean "so what?" : '''Layla:''' I still can't see, Bloom. Everything is still dark. ===Royal Behavior=== : '''Faragonda:''' What happened to your friend is both terrible and wonderful. A dark spell has taken her sight. However, Layla was able to achieve her final fairy form. She now has Enchantix powers and that means she is strong enough to break Baltor's spell by herself. There is healing energy in the fairy dust on your new wings. If you concentrate hard, you be able to release it. Feel it all around you, dear. You don't need your eyes to see it. : '''Layla:''' I can see! I can see! : '''Faragonda:''' Fairy dust upon the wings of an Enchantix is one of strongest healing elements in the magical universe. <hr width=70%/> : '''Faragonda:''' There are things you must know about Baltor. things that connect him to you. : '''Bloom:''' Baltor said something like that on Tides, but I didn't know what he was talking about. : '''Faragonda:''' This book will explain to you what happened. What you see here is the Company of Light, a group of noble warriors who fought the three Ancient Witches. : '''Bloom:''' Baltor was with the Ancient Witches? : '''Faragonda:''' Yes. They are the ones who created him. At the beginning of the magical universe, when the Great Dragon was born, a tiny spark of its Fire fell into the darkness. The witches' took that dark ember and used it to create him. Now, the Company of Light was founded by your birth parents, Oritel and Miriam. <hr width80%> :'''Bloom:''' But if nobody really knows what happened to them, do you think it's possible they could be...? :'''Faragonda:''' What, dear? :'''Bloom:''' Well, that my parents could still be alive somewhere? :'''Faragonda:''' Bloom, I can't tell you. Nobody can. :'''Bloom:''' Nobody but Baltor! He's the last one saw my parents! He knows the answer! :'''Faragonda:''' Bloom, you must be very careful! Baltor is a vengeful creature, and if he finds out who you are he's going to try to destroy you! ===Dark Sky=== *Stella earns her Enchantix form and powers by saving her father King Radius from a dragon. <hr width80%> : '''Layla:''' Whoa! My Enchantix power has made this rubber glue spell a thousand times stronger. If I were you guys, I'd stop firing right now. <hr width=70%/> : '''Baltor:''' Bloom's heart is hurting. This loss will make her weak, which is exactly how I want her. ===Operation: Boyfriend Rescue=== :'''Stella''': ''[trying to figure out if she should call Brandon]'' On the one hand, he has a lot to do on Erakylon, but I am not the type of girl you don't check in on. Never have been, never will be, don't wanna be. <hr width="50%" /> :'''Riven''': How about operation let the dude choose, I mean your all assuming Sky wants to be rescued? :'''Bloom''': How could you say that!?! <hr width=70%/> : Stella: It's gonna be the end all right, but not for us! (''Transforms into her Enchantix form'') ''Shower of Light''. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' I don't want to fight you, Sky, I just want to talk to you. Then if you really want, I'll get out of your life for good. : '''Sky:''' You'll get out of it right now! : '''Stella:''' Hey, have it! :(''Blasts him with solar energy, revealing an all too familiar mark on his left forearm'') :'''Stella:''' That's Baltor's mark. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' Somehow, Baltor must have met up with Diaspro. And that goblet she gave him must have been his potion. : '''Musa:''' That's gonna be a strong spell, but maybe fairy dust can break it. : '''Stella:''' Coming right up. ===Attack of the Zombie Witches=== *Musa earns her Enchantix by refusing to leave Princess Galatea of Melody (the Harmonic Realm) behind. <hr width80%> : '''Musa:''' ''No!'' Never! ''I am not leaving you!!'' <hr width70%> : '''Princess Galatea:''' Oh, Musa. You've got your Enchantix. : '''Musa:''' Cool! Maybe I can stop this fire. And since it was dark magic that took your wings, some fairy dust should bring them back, too. ===Missing in Action=== : '''Flora:''' The trees were too scared, so they turned away. : '''Bloom:''' The trees were scared of Baltor? <hr width=70%/> (''Seeing Ms. Faragonda one with an oak tree'') : '''Bloom:''' Oh no. Ms. Faragonda. : '''Stella:''' Trans-combined with a tree? : '''Bloom:''' We have to do something! Especially for everything Ms. F's done for us. I only made this far as a fairy because of you. : '''Musa:''' Ms. Faragonda, I don't know if you can hear me. But trust me. We're gonna save you. ===Tears of the Black Willow=== *Flora achieves her Enchantix powers by saving her younger sister Rose (Miele). <hr width80%> : '''Flora:''' Everybody, this is my sister Rose. <hr width70%> : '''Stella:''' Welcome to the Enchantix squad, Musa. : '''Musa:''' I love my new wings. : '''Layla:''' Can you feel just how powerful is in them? <hr width70%> :'''Rose:''' Your friends are really brave. <hr width70%> :'''Bloom:''' Did you hear that, Tecna? :'''Tecna:''' Let's not try to disappoint her. :(''Fires a ray of virtual energy'') <hr width70%> : '''Stormy:''' Say goodbye, goody-goody! : '''Rose:''' No! :(''Takes the blast that was meant for her elder sister'') : '''Flora:''' Rose! ''That was my sister!'' <hr width70%> : '''Flora:''' Miele, why didn't you go back home?/Why didn't you go back home, Rose? : '''Miele/Rose:''' I just wanted to see what would happen./I just wanted to be brave. : '''Flora:''' I love you, my little blossom.../I'm not going to make it, sweetie. : '''Miele/Rose:''' Wait! Flora! : '''Flora:''' Bubble, bring her up!/Bubble, bring her to the surface. : '''Miele/Rose:''' FLORA, NOOOOOOO!!!!!! <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' Rose! What happened? Where's Flora? : '''Rose:''' She saved me. <hr width70%> : '''Layla:''' Congratulations, Flora. You got your Enchantix powers. : '''Rose:''' Thanks for saving me, Flora. : '''Flora:''' Hey, you saved me first. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' You three, stop misbehaving or we may have to spank you! ===Point of No Return=== *Tecna achieves her Enchantix powers due her self-sacrifice in closing the Omega portal and saving the realm of Tides, even it means of her being trapped in there. * When Bloom is screaming for Tecna, a closeup of her horrified face shows the makeup of her Enchantix attire, even though she has not yet achieved it. <hr width80%> : '''Flora:''' ''Ivy Rescue Vine''. :(''Stops Stella's fall'') <hr width=70%/> : '''Tecna:''' I can do this! : '''Flora:''' No, Tecna! Don't go in there! : '''Bloom:''' Tecna!! <hr width=70%/> : '''Layla:''' Let go! she can't risk her life for my planet! : '''Tibok:''' If she has chosen to go forward, you must let her do it. Perhaps she will be the one to close the gate. Perhaps this act of sacrifice is her destiny. <hr width=70%/> :(''Tecna has just achieved her Enchantix form and far stronger technology/data-based powers'') : '''Musa:''' What's she gonna do with the fairy dust? : '''Bloom:''' She's using it to force her way inside the portal!! <hr width=70%/> : '''Baltor:''' I must say, those fairies are certainly not afraid of sacrifice. : '''Stormy:''' Yeah, and they're lucky, too. They survived the Omega gate. : '''Darcy:''' Well, all but Tecna. : '''Icy:''' Which means there are only five fairies left for us to finish off. ===Payback!=== * The Nickelodeon title for this episode is "Revenge!" * Bloom is now the only Winx Club member who remains in her standard Winx/Fairy form. <hr width70%> : '''Flora:''' Tecna was a great fairy. : '''Layla:''' And she saved the entire realm of Tides with her sacrifice. : '''Timmy:''' Tecna's not gone! She's just trapped! : '''Riven:''' Tecna's disappeared inside the Omega portal! : '''Musa:''' And the gate closed forever, Timmy. <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' The Winx Club was the six of us together. It's just not the same without Tecna. : '''Musa:''' Maybe we should end it, like disband the group. : '''Stella:''' I hate to say it, but I agree. :'''Layla:''' It's the right thing. <hr width70%> :'''Bloom:''' It's over, Baltor!! :(''Baltor strikes Musa and Flora with his evil magic'') : '''Bloom:''' ''Dragon Fury'' : '''Baltor:''' Your powers are strong, Bloom, just like your mother's. : '''Bloom:''' What?! : '''Baltor:''' Miriam, the queen of planet Sparx. : '''Bloom:''' My mother? What do ''you'' know about her!? : '''Baltor:''' I defeated her. :<hr width=70%/> : '''Baltor:''' Your birth parents, Oritel and Miriam, were the leaders of the Company of Light. A bunch of do-good-er warriors who fought to save the magical dimension. : '''Musa:''' ''Base Boom''. : '''Baltor:''' I recently visited a planet whose magic was all about silence. Let me show you one of the strong spells I took from them. :(''Traps Musa in a soundproof bubble'') : '''Flora:''' ''Ivy Vine Wrap''. : '''Baltor:''' And for you, some magic of the cave dwellers of the Under Realm. They like total darkness. Flowers can't survive long without light, right? <hr width70%> : '''Baltor:''' So do you want to fight or do you want to hear about your parents, Bloom? : '''Bloom:''' I'm listening. : '''Baltor:''' I met Oritel and Miriam when I was a young wizard. I was the one who faced them in their final battle. First I trapped Miriam with a spell I learned from the dwellers of the dark dimension. Of course, King Oritel came to rescue her as I knew he would. Your birth father was very powerful. I could never have defeated him unless he lowered his guard to save your mother. While he used his magic to save his beloved, I used mine to send them both to Oblivion. And that's how it ended for your birth parents, Oritel and Miriam, the great king and queen of planet Sparx. I'm so glad we could share that story. :(''a furious Bloom is overflowing with Dragon Fire energy'') : '''Bloom:''' ''Why you!!'' : '''Baltor:''' Come on! Show me what you've got! Do it for Sparx! Do it for your parents! : (''A thoroughly enraged Bloom releases a tremendous amount of Dragon Fire energy'') :'''Baltor:''' ''Oposotius''. And so goes the last survivor of the planet Sparx. Destroyed by her own magic. <hr width=70%/> : '''Stella:''' This calls for some fairy dust. : '''Griffin:''' I see you made progress. I remember when Faragonda first got her Enchantix. All my best spells became useless against her. <hr width80%> :'''Faragonda:''' Stella, get us out of here! :'''Bloom:''' NO!! we have to beat him! For Tecna and for Miriam and Oritel!! :'''Faragonda:''' I'm sorry, Bloom, but not today. <hr width80%> :'''Faragonda:''' There is just one place you can go to become stronger, Bloom. It is called Pyros, also known as the Island of Dragons. The power you can get there is great, but the dangers are severe. :'''Bloom:''' I don't care! Baltor destroyed my parents and took Tecna! If will help me beat him, then I'll do it. <hr width80%> :'''Baltor:''' I cannot allow the heir to the throne of Sparx to survive! :'''Icy:''' How about we just go get Bloom for you? :'''Darcy:''' Yeah. We'll wait till she's away from her friends. :'''Baltor:''' Good. Go and bring her here, then we'll destroy her together. ===The Island of Dragons=== *Bloom has a vision of her ghostly elder sister Daphne. <hr width80%> : '''Daphne:''' Bloom. Bloom. : '''Bloom:''' Daphne? : '''Daphne:''' You must find your inner dragon. : '''Bloom:''' My inner dragon? What dragon? : '''Daphne:''' Your dragon. <hr width=70%/> : '''Layla:''' ''Enchanted Morfix''. : '''Guard:''' I don't like stepping stuff, and I don't like pink! ===The Power Within=== *The Nickelodeon title is "Building Hope." *Bloom earns her immense Enchantix by "being fearless and open to her powers". However, it dangerously incomplete as she did not earn it via bravery and self-sacrifice but rather through sheer willpower. In the Nickelodeon version, she earns it by refusing to let Baltor win. <hr width80%> :'''Baltor:''' I don't know how, but Tecna has managed to communicate from the Omega Dimension. :'''Icy:''' But that's impossible. :'''Baltor:''' And now they're going to get a rescue party together, fly there and bring her back to Alfea. :'''Icy:''' And do you want us to ruin their party? :'''Baltor:''' No. What I want you to do is go deal with Bloom. :'''Stormy:''' I am totally game for that. :'''Icy:''' I'm always game for messin' up Bloom. :'''Baltor:''' Bloom is strengthening her already impressive powers. She's training on an island called Pyros. :'''Icy:''' I'm guessing you want us to mess up Bloom's little island vacation? <hr width80%> : '''Bloom:''' My name is Bloom and I came to Pyros to get stronger. And so far, I found my inner dragon, and that's good and all. But I'm still not strong enough and I don't what else to do to make that happen. : '''Maya:''' If you want to get stronger, you must open your heart and your mind. I can see that the universe has given you a mission. You are destined to battle an evil force. You possess plenty of power to destroy it. : '''Bloom:''' You can really see all that? : '''Maya:''' I see it clearly. <hr width=70%/> : '''Maya:''' You want to ask me about your Enchantix? : '''Bloom:''' Yes. Even though there's no one left from my realm, is it still possible for me to earn it? : '''Maya:''' Many things are possible on Pyros that are not possible elsewhere. For you to achieve your goal, Bloom, you must let go of your fear. : '''Bloom:''' Is losing all your fear really possible? <hr width=70%/> : '''Musa:''' ''Sound Wave Attack''. : '''Stella:''' Can't have sound without light. ''Sunbeam Shower''. <hr width=70%/> : '''Maya:''' I have something for you. Here. Take this, so you can always remember the lessons you leaned on Pyros. : '''Bloom:''' That's so pretty. What's in it? : '''Maya:''' Every magical place and every magical being has a unique essence. And this contains the essence of Pyros. And now I'm going to help you let go of fear and believe in your ability to get what you want. Sit. When you do these things, you'll understand your true essence. And that's how you get stronger. : '''Bloom:''' I feel like I'm getting there, I just wish I had my Enchantix. : '''Maya:''' I believe that it's within you. I believe that you can find your Enchantix if you truly set your mind to it. <hr width70%> :(''Bloom breaks out of the ice cube'') : '''Darcy:''' Whoa! She got stronger. : '''Icy:''' It seems like our little friend learned a new trick or two at Loser Bootcamp. <hr width70%> : '''Icy:''' Just so you know, after we capture you, we're bringing you back to Baltor: : '''Bloom''' (''thinking'')''':''' Baltor! I've had ''enough'' of Baltor! I believe. I believe I have the power in me. ''I'm gonna use it to stop Baltor! And it's starting right here, right now with these witches!'' :(''Starts overflowing with great mystical energy'') :'''Bloom:'''I am fearless and open to my powers! :(''transforms into her Enchantix form for the first time'') :'''Bloom:''' ''Enchanted Sphere''. :(''Encases the Trix sisters inside an orb of Dragon Fire'') :'''Bloom:''' This is my island, witches! <hr width70%> :'''Maya:''' I knew you had it in you. : '''Bloom:''' Did you see that, Maya? I believed that I could do it, and I got my Enchantix. : '''Maya:''' Yes you did. You found your inner dragon, and now you've unlocked your deepest source of power. And for that, you should be very proud of yourself. You came to Pyros looking for more strength. But because of your courage, what you ended up finding was even bigger than any magical power you could ever have. Listen. You are finding yourself and there is nothing more powerful than that. Now go back to Alfea and put your gift to good use. ===The Omega Mission=== *Bloom was unable to transform at first, due to her Enchantix being dangerously incomplete. <hr width80%> : '''Bloom:''' I was able to grow so much, and I got way more in touch with my powers, but... : '''Griselda:''' There's always a "but." : '''Bloom:''' I don't understand how I got my Enchantix without saving anybody from my realm. : '''Faragonda:''' You've became a rare exception to the rules of fairies, a very rare exception. On Pyros, you used all of your willpower. And your belief in yourself was powerful that it simply transformed you. It's as if you willed yourself into an Enchantix. :'''Griselda:''' Very impressive. :'''Bloom:''' Thanks a lot. <hr width70%> :''[Bloom and Sky are on the bench]'' :'''Sky''': I didn't go to the omega dimension prison has dead prisoners because I was put under active control at Red fountain, but when I heard you were back I asked Codatorta to escort me special permission. :'''Bloom''': And cause you were so nice he said yes? :'''Sky''': Exactly yeah. :''[They hug]'' :'''Bloom''': Who told you I was back from pyros. :'''Sky''': That's confidential Imfornation bloom sorry. :''[Amore comes out from behind the bench]'' :'''Amore''': I told himbecause of true love. :''[Bloom and Sky leave each other and blush]'' :'''Chatta''': Amore! :'''Amore''': What, what's wrong with what I said? :'''Tune''': Look! You made them both blush! <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' I wish I could go with you, Tecna, but I haven't been able to transform since I got back from Pyros. :'''Tecna:''' Then we'll walk. <hr width70%> :'''Tecna:''' What are you doing, Bloom? You can't transform. :'''Bloom:''' I'm gonna have to. <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' Musa's fairy dust must have fixed whatever was keeping me from transforming. So what do you say we take this snake out, get our guys, and head for home? <hr width80%> :'''Stella:''' I think your new mega dragon attack finished him off. :'''Musa:''' Alright! Way to go, Bloom. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' Wait a second. It's not over yet. : '''Layla:''' What are you talking about, Bloom? : '''Musa:''' That snake is history : '''Bloom:''' No it's not, you guys. When my dragon form collided with it, we formed a kind of instant connection. And now it's speaking to me or as long as I'm hearing what it's thinking. : '''Flora:'''And what is it telling you, Bloom? : '''Bloom:''' It's telling that is the ice snake's purpose to keep all things imprisoned. And since its part of the Omega Dimension itself, Is impossible to destroy. ===Day at the Museum=== : '''Bloom:''' ''Dragon Energy''. : '''Tecna:''' A logical strategy. Increasing the air friction around the creature should slow it down. : '''Layla:''' She's losing control. : '''Flora:''' Griselda, you have to do something! : '''Faragonda:''' Not just yet. Give her a second. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' Did I do it? : '''Faragonda:''' You successfully repelled the negotiator, yes. But your magic was out of control. Bloom, I'm not going to lie to you. Your Enchantix power is dangerously incomplete. The others have a power that was born out of sacrifice. But your Enchantix was created by pure force of will. It's not the same thing at all. : '''Bloom:''' All that I really care about, Ms. F, is that my power works against Baltor. And it should do that, don't you think? : '''Faragonda:''' I'm not sure how your power will work. And speaking of Baltor, he's disappeared. : '''Bloom:''' What do you mean? I thought he was a Cloud Tower. : '''Faragonda:''' He escaped. But on the plus side, Cloud Tower is safe again. : '''Bloom:''' That's great. But...Baltor is the only one who knows what happened to my birth parents, Oritel and Miriam. So I have to find him and make him tell me. <hr width=70%/> : '''Baltor:''' Well, look at you. Enchantix and Dragon Fire together. Finally, a decent challenge. : '''Bloom:''' Come and get me, Baltor! The protection glass is magic-proof. Your spells won't go through it!! : '''Baltor:''' Yes, but they will go around it. :(''Throws a ball of fire, but Bloom's orange fairy dust purifies it'') <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' The Dragon Fire and the Enchantix aren't what's going to beat you Baltor. It's six Enchantix together! <hr width70%> : '''Baltor:''' Bloom, someday I'll get that little fairy dust pendant right from your neck and add it to my collection of trinkets. But I'm afraid I'm going to fight all of you today. Just ''you!!'' ===Biker Wedding Crashers=== : '''Stella:''' Stop right there! As long as I'm around, you'll never become the queen of Solaria! : '''Cassandra''': Stella! : '''Stella:''' People of Solaria, this monster and her wannabee daughter have bewitched your king! : '''Cassandra:''' Don't listen to her! She's lying! <hr width70%> : '''Stella:''' No! Daddy! : '''Chimera:''' Daddy can't hear you. : '''Stella:''' Can you not take a hint!!? <hr width70%> : '''King Radius:''' Who are you? : '''Stella:''' I'm your daughter, Daddy. Your Stella. Don't you remember? You used to call me Stella-my-Bella and my little ray of sunshine. : '''King Radius:''' I don't recall. : '''Stella:''' Stupid, Baltor! No way is he taking my father away from me!! Fairy dust!! ===The Golden Kingdom=== : '''Musa:''' See what you think of this. ''Sound Cage''. :(''Bloom is encased in a dome of sound, but easily overwhelms it with a mighty burst of Dragon Fire energy'') :'''Musa:''' Man, I channeled all my Winx into that attack. : '''Flora:''' OK. Guess I'm up next. Don't take this personally. <hr width=70%/> : '''Lockette:''' You leave Bloom alone. : '''Stella:''' Don't worry. We're not really fighting. : '''Bloom:''' Yeah. Since Baltor and I both get our power from the Dragon Fire, we figured that we found a way to beat my power, we can use to beat his. But so far, no luck. <hr width=70%/> : '''Tecna:''' I've got it! I know how to defeat the Dragon Fire! According to the book, at the beginning of the magical universe when the Great Dragon was born, another opposite force was created as well. This opposite force was contained in Water Stars. : '''Amore:''' But, Tecna, Water Stars don't exist anymore. : '''Tecna:''' In this dimension they don't. : '''Bloom:''' What do you mean by that? :'''Tecna:''' Because they're naturally opposed to each other, the Dragon Fire and Water Stars couldn't exist in the same dimension. So the Ancient Wizards came together and opened a portal to seal them off from our dimension. : '''Bloom:''' Where are they now? : '''Tecna:''' In the Golden Kingdom. <hr width=70%/> : '''Icy:''' I felt something really gross, like the way a sunset feels. : '''Baltor:''' It was a wave of positive energy. And there's only one place it could've come from- the Golden Kingdom. Show me the Red Tower! So they have gone to the Golden Kingdom. For Water Stars. Here! Take this and destroy Bloom now. That's my girl. : '''Darcy:''' Icy's your girl? : '''Baltor:''' You're all my girls! Now go! ===The Crystal Labyrinth=== : '''Sky:''' Looks like some kind of ancient language. Can any of you guys read it? : '''Bloom:''' It says "only those who are pure of heart may enter." <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' I have an idea. Since our fairy dust is anti-darkness, I bet if we spray it on ourselves it should remove all traces of darkness from us. : '''Stella:''' What darkness? : '''Timmy:''' Everybody's got some kind of darkness. Like vanity. : '''Stella:''' Oh. <hr width70%> : '''Musa:''' We're miniaturizing. : '''Tecna:''' I guess the time was right. : '''Bloom:''' I couldn't do it. Since my Enchantix wasn't earned the same way as yours, Ms. Faragonda said it may have limitations. But I want you girls to on ahead. We need the Water Stars. They're our only hope to stop Baltor. <hr width=70%/> : '''Icy:''' Looks like it's just you and me, Bloom. : '''Bloom:''' You don't have a chance, Icy! : '''Icy:''' 'Cause of your big bad Enchantix powers? well, Baltor wanted me to give you ''this!'' Anti-dark dust from the dark dimension. It renders you powerless. How do you like my chances now? What should we do with you, Bloom? I know! How about we reenact the night we first met? I seem to remember putting you into a block of ice! ===The Wizard's Challenge=== <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' I think we should try a more practical approach. If they activate when they come into contact with Dragon Fire energy, then maybe I'm the key to unleashing their full power. : '''Musa:''' But remember, Boom, if they can destroy Baltor because of his Dragon Fire then they can destroy you too. : '''Bloom:''' I know it's very risky for me, but I don't we have a choice. <hr width70%> : '''Tecna:''' No one's allowed in here without a library card!! : '''Layla:''' ''Morfix Shield''. : '''Flora:''' ''Ivy Vine Wrap''. : '''Stella:''' ''Solarian Sunbeam''. : '''Bloom:''' ''Dragon Fury''. <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' I know it's risky, you guys, but I try to activate the Water Stars. : '''Stella:''' Wait! Don't do it, Bloom! You don't know how they could affect you! : '''Baltor:''' What they do to me, they'll do to you. : '''Flora:''' We can do this without the Water Stars. : '''Bloom:''' Flora, you know we can't. They're our only hope. ''Dragon Essence''. : '''Flora:''' Bloom are you OK? : '''Bloom:''' I'm fine, but what about Baltor? <hr width=70%> : '''Bloom:''' Baltor, it's over. : '''Baltor:''' If you destroy me, Bloom, you'll also destroy your parents. : '''Bloom:''' What!? What are you talking about!? : '''Baltor:''' They're inside of me. As I'm sure you are aware, when I fought the final battle between your birth parents, Oritel and Miriam, they defeated me. : '''Bloom:''' Yeah? : '''Baltor:''' But what you don't know is just before they sent me away, I cast an absorption spell and imprisoned them in my body. And so, Bloom, if you destroy me, they will be gone forever, too. : '''Bloom''' (''tearful'')''':''' Oh no, that's... : '''Layla:''' Baltor just escaped. ===The Witches' Crypt=== * The Nickelodeon title is "Finding the Truth" * Bloom discovers that her biological parents are very much alive, in a dark realm separate from the magical universe itself. <hr width70%> :'''Faragonda:''' No, I don't know if Baltor is telling the truth about your parents or if's just trying to trick you to gain an advantage in the battle. But if he is telling the truth and he did use an absorption spell, then his fate and your parents will be one and the same. :'''Bloom:''' I thought my strong connection with Baltor was because both of our powers come from the Dragon Fire, but maybe there's another reason. :'''Faragonda:''' And what do you think that is, Bloom? :'''Bloom:''' Maybe what I'm actually hearing is my parents trapped inside of him! That they're calling out to me, begging me to help them. <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' Let's try to add the magical energy of the Water Stars to our Enchantix powers. : '''Musa:''' Good idea, Bloom. But what about their affect on you? : '''Bloom:''' They only affect me once they're activated. So I'll put up a shield to protect myself. : '''Stella:''' All right! Let's activate them! <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' I wish I could go along with you, but my Enchantix power is still incomplete. And no matter what I try, it won't let me miniaturize. : '''Stella:''' Don't worry, Bloom. We got it covered. <hr width70%> :'''Bloom:''' You did it! You broke Baltor's spell! :'''Stella:''' It was just as easy as changing my sweater back. <hr width70%> :'''Baltor:''' You know all about the power of laughter, don't you? Well, soon you'll learn about the power of tears. : '''Icy:''' You and Bloom are inseparable. It's like there's some fate aura drawing you two together. : '''Baltor:''' And I think you three are linked to Bloom. But the sad fact of the matter is that neither of you has or ever has had what it takes to destroy her. : '''Icy:''' It's her Enchantix that's the problem. : '''Darcy:''' It gives her advantage. : '''Baltor:''' Sounds like an excuse to me. But then again, maybe you're right. Maybe all we need to do is level the playing field and give you ladies your own new power. Something we can call your Disenchantix. I'm going to cast a spell on you from the misery dimension. ''Power of the wind, power of ice, power darkness, it's time to grow. Draw from the void of misery and thieve and flourish''. Now you have your own version of the Enchantix, only way cooler. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' This is the presence Ms. Faragonda sensed. I feel it. Show yourself dark witches! : '''Belladonna:''' Heiress to the throne of Sparx, you have come to inquire about the fate of your birth parents, Oritel and Miriam, have you not? : '''Bloom:''' Yes. I want to know what happened to them! I want to know where they are! : '''Lysslis:''' Do you want the truth or simply something that will comfort you? : '''Bloom:''' I want the truth about what happened, no matter how hard it is to hear! : '''Belladonna:''' Then the truth is exactly what we will tell you. :'''Bloom:''' Huh? :'''Belladonna:''' Your parents, the King and Queen of Sparx, are not prisoners in Baltor's body. That was a trap he set for you. Oritel and Miriam are alive. : '''Bloom''' (''relieved'')''':''' Alive!? Where are they? : '''Lysslis:''' In a place far away. Not in this realm or even this dimension. : '''Bloom:''' Nothing is too far away for me! Tell me where they are and I'll go there! : '''Belladonna:''' It is not a place you can go! And that is all we will say! : '''Bloom:''' No! Wait! I want to know where my parents are! You can't leave me like this! ''You can't!'' <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' Baltor lied to me. He didn't capture my birth parents, and they aren't trapped inside of him. And now that know this, I can fight him with all of my might and all my power. ===The Spell of the Elements=== *The Nickelodeon title is "Valtor's Fury" <hr width70%> : '''Baltor:''' I am unbeatable!! : '''Icy:''' It sure didn't look that way, dude. : '''Darcy:''' Yeah. No offense, but those Water Stars knocked you on your unbeatable butt. : '''Stormy:''' Maybe you need to get some new spells and, you know, bulk up. : '''Icy:''' Yeah. Like get some new buff in the Magix department. (''the Trix laugh'') : '''Baltor:''' SILENCE!! ''I am Baltor! I am the greatest wizard in the magical universe!!'' ''Do not dare challenge me!!'' <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' We're still going to beat you Baltor. As long as there's a single once of energy in our bodies, we'll fight you! : '''Baltor:''' Here! See how you like ''this!'' :(''Blasts Bloom with the Water Stars immeasurable, mystical energy'') The Water Stars are painful, aren't they, Bloom? : '''Stella:''' To me, they're no different than a regular blast. : '''Tecna:''' Same goes for me. : '''Musa:''' Come on, girls! We have to protect Bloom. <hr width=70%/> : '''Baltor:''' Oblivion awaits you, Bloom! The same place I sent your parents! Fairy dust can't stop me. I'm not a dark spell and neither are the Water Stars. <hr width=70%> : '''Layla:''' I'm' going in. : '''Stella:''' Wait! Don't. We have to trust that Bloom knows what she's doing. : '''Musa:''' What if she doesn't? :(''Bloom collapses, due to repeated energy blasts from the Water Stars'') : '''Flora:''' Oh no. : '''Baltor:''' And so goes the last survivor to the throne of Sparx. <hr width=70%/> : '''Baltor:''' You five are next. : '''Stella:''' Before you start firing, you might wanna check your box. It looks like it's leaking. : '''Baltor:''' What!? NO!! : '''Stella:''' Bloom's fairy dust may not have affected you, but it busted your stash of spells right open. <hr width70%> :'''Baltor:''' You three get back here, right now!! :'''Icy:''' I wish we had time ti discuss this, but let's make one thing clear: You and us, we're over!! :'''Darcy:''' Yeah, see ya, loser. :'''Stormy:''' Buh-bye. ===A New Beginning/Fire and Flame/The Final Battle=== * This Season Three finale is followed by ''The Secret of the Lost Kingdom'' 3D CGI movie. <hr width70%> : '''Stella:''' That was an ''Enchantix Sunburst''. You should be gone. <hr width=70%/> : '''Bloom:''' There's no point in fighting this thing. The only way I can beat is to attack the one who controls it. Find Baltor! And hit him where he hides!! (''Fires an orb of Dragon Fire, which unexpectedly hits Baltor from behind'') This thing stopped, which means I must have hit Baltor. <hr width=70%/> : '''Ancient Witches:''' Baltor. Baltor. : '''Baltor:''' Who are you!? : '''Ancient Witches:''' Is it possible that you forgot about us, Baltor? : '''Baltor:''' Show yourself! : '''Ancient Witches:''' You don't give orders to us, Baltor! ''We'' give orders to ''you''! : '''Baltor:''' The three Ancestresses. : '''Ancient Witches:''' You disappointed us, Baltor. So we're calling you back from this world! : '''Baltor:''' You think you can make me go back with you!? You three may have created me, but you do not control me! I've outgrown you and passed you by! What are you doing!? : '''Ancient Witches:''' From the limbo where we are exiled, we're not allowed to act on the outside world. But nothing can stop us from acting on ''you'', because you are ours, Baltor! : '''Baltor:''' No! Stop it!! : '''Ancient Witches:''' You failed! Your magic powers were squandered. And for that you must pay! We will take the part that is the wizard and leave the part that is the beast! You will be stronger and more brutal! Now go destroy all that is in your path! <hr width=70%/> : '''Layla:''' Not looking too good, Baltor. : '''Baltor:''' Soon you won't be either! : '''Layla:''' ''Morfix Bolt''. : '''Flora:''' ''Enchantix Ivy Wrap''. <hr width=70%/> :(''Combining Enchantix powers with Musa and Tecna'') : '''Stella:''' Enchantix convergence power. : '''Baltor:''' Is that it? : '''Stella:''' I thought that was pretty strong. : '''Bloom:''' As a beast, Baltor is much stronger than he was as a wizard. But I have an idea. There's a spell I learned on Pyros that just might work. <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' Power of the Flame, leave me. Go and find Baltor's fire. :(''A tiny orb-shaped spark of the Dragon Fire leaves her, causing her to faint'') <hr width70%> :'''Musa:''' Whoa, look. :'''Tecna:''' It's her Dragon Fire. <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' I did it, Baltor! I've traveled to the inner sanctum of your Dragon Fire. And now that I'm here, I'm gonna put out your Dragon Fire flame once and for all! <hr width70%> : '''Sky:''' Bloom, talk to me! :'''Stella:''' She's not here, Sky. She's over there, fighting for all of us. <hr width70%> :'''Valtor''': Thank you, Bloom. I was getting a little warm. :'''Bloom''': Valtor. :'''Valtor''': It was bold of you to come back here for sure. But what did you think you were going to achieve? :'''Bloom''': I guess that's what we're about to find out. :'''Valtor''': Come on, then. Attack me. Vent your anger. But remember this is not going to bring your birth parents back. :'''Bloom''': Shut up, Valtor! You don't know anything about them! :'''Valtor''': Oh yes I do. I know that I lied to you in the past and so, of course I totally understand if you don't believe me now. But the fact of the matter is it's the three ancient witches that are to blame for Oritel and Marion's demise. You should turn your rage on them. Join me. I'll regain control of my body and together, we will destroy the ancient witches. Their power as well as the magic knowledge of every single planet will be ours. We are the same, Bloom. Don't forget it. :'''Bloom''': We're nothing alike, Valtor. And once your fire is out, nothing will be left for you, I swear. :'''Valtor''': All right, then. I gave you one last chance. And now I'm going to destroy you! :'''Bloom''': Fairy Dust, extinguish the fire! <hr width70%> : '''Baltor:''' Your fairy dust erased the dark magic of the Ancestresses. : '''Bloom:''' But that's...! : '''Baltor:''' And now I am myself again- A wizard created from a dark ember of the Great Dragon's fire! : '''Bloom:''' I'm still gonna finish you off!! : '''Baltor:''' I have a better idea, Bloom. Something that will help me achieve my destiny, and you finally locate your birth parents. : '''Bloom:''' I don't believe you know anything about my birth parents!! : '''Baltor:''' But the Ancient Witches do. In fact, they hold the key to both our destinies: : For you finding Oritel and Miriam, and for me achieving the greatness that I deserve. So this is what I propose to you, Bloom: Turn your rage on the Ancestresses and join me. Together we will be strong enough to defeat them and make them give us what we want. You and I are the same, Bloom. We are book ends, matching pieces of the greatest ancient magic ever to exist. : '''Bloom:''' The only thing we have in common is our Dragon Fire! And right now, my is gonna fight yours until one of them is out. : '''Baltor:''' So be it. I gave you one last chance! And now I'm going to destroy you! : Bloom: Not if I destroy you first! ''Dragon Fire Fury''. <hr width=70%> : '''Faragonda:''' Well done, girls. Baltor's essence now rests with the Ancient Witches. <hr width70%> : '''Nabu:''' You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, Layla. :(''The two lovers share a loving hug'') <hr width70%> : '''Faragonda:''' Your Enchantix powers are still incomplete. But the courage you showed on Tides, tells me that you're ready, Bloom. I believe you now have what it takes to find the Ancient Witches, break their dark spell, and finally find your birth parents. : '''Bloom:''' I think I'm ready. Mom, Dad, I feel like we're going to meet really soon. ==Cast== ===Cinélume=== *Helena Evangeliou as Bloom *Jennifer Seguin as Stella *Holly Gauthier-Frankel as Flora *Sarah McCullough as Musa, Stormy, (Episode 1-3), Matlin *Anik Matern as Musa, Stormy (Episode 4 onward) *Jodie Resther as Tecna, Daphne *Lucinda Davis as Layla, Digit *Cedric Kühle as Valtor *Eleanor Noble as Icy *Carrie Finley as Darcy *Danny Brochu as Sky *Mark Hauser as Brandon *Michael Yarmush as Timmy *Mitchell Rothpan as Riven *Martin Watier as Helia *Susan Glover as Griselda *Mary Smith as Amore === 4Kids === *Liza Jacquline as Bloom *Caren Manuel as Stella and Darcy *Lisa Adams as Stella (stand-in) * Kerry Williams as Flora, Francine, Amore, Rose * Lisa Ortiz as Musa, Icy, Digit, Mitzi, Matlin * Rebecca Soler as Tecna * Vashthy Mompoint as Layla * Sean Schemmel as Baltor * Suzy Myers as Stormy * Dan Green as Sky * Greg Abbey as Brandon * Michael Sinterniklaas as Riven * Sebastian Arcelus as Timmy and Palladium * Matt Charles as Ophir/Nabu * Pete Zarustica as Kiko and Wizgiz * Rachael Lillis as Faragonda, Barbatea, DuFour, Amaryl, Ortensia, Priscilla, Lucy, Ediltrude * Carol Jacobanis as Griffin * Michael Alston as Saladin * Marc Thompson as Knut, Avalon * Erica Schroeder as Daphne, Piff, Galatea * Su Meredith as Griselda * Kayzie Rogers as Vanessa * Stuart Zagnit as Mike * Veronica Taylor as Alice, Diaspro, and Zarathustra * Amy Palant as Mirta ===Atlas Oceanic=== *Molly C. Quinn as Bloom *Amy Gross as Stella *Alejandra Reynoso as Flora *Romi Dames as Musa *Morgan Deckner as Tecna *Keke Palmer as Aisha *Josh Keaton as Valtor *Larisa Oleynik as Icy *Jennifer Cody as Darcy *Kimberly Brooks as Stormy *Matt Shively as Sky *Adam Gregory as Brandon *David Faustino as Helia *Charlie Schlatter as Timmy *Sam Riegel as Riven *Will Blagrove as Ophir/Nabu * Kath Soucie as Cassandra * Rachael Macfarlane as Chimera *Kari Wahlgren as Faragonda, Narrator *Susanne Blakeslee as Griselda *Mitchell Whitfield as Palladium *Dee Bradley Baker as Kiko and Wizgiz * Grey DeLisle as Belladonna * Candi Milo as Lysslis * Laraine Newman as Tharma, Barbatea, Ligea, Maia * Laura Bailey as Tressa * André Sogliuzzo as Radius * Jennifer Hale as Galatea * Jessica DiCicco as Miele * Jim Cummings as Taboc, Ice Spirits [[Category:Winx Club seasons]] 9wpjyfcmjtxoll9km6u96tyoz4dj5ix 0 213039 3778973 3282335 2025-07-15T02:01:37Z 2601:84:C903:B4E0:CCD7:7A38:B89E:B671 /* The Fairy Hunters/The Wizards of the Black Circle */ 3778973 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Seasons:''' [[Winx Club (season 1)|1]] [[Winx Club (season 2)|2]] [[Winx Club (season 3)|3]] [[Winx Club (season 4)|4]] [[Winx Club (season 5)|5]] [[Winx Club (season 6)|6]] [[Winx Club (season 7)|7]] | [[Winx Club|Main]] ---- '''''[[w:Winx Club|Winx Club]]''''' is an animated television series created by [[w:Iginio Straffi|Iginio Straffi]] and animated by [[w:Rainbow (company)|Rainbow SpA]], in co-production with [[w:Nickelodeon|Nickelodeon]] (Seasons 5 and 6) and [[w:Rai Fiction|Rai Fiction]]. ===The Fairy Hunters/The Wizards of the Black Circle=== : '''Bloom''': Ah, a new year has started at Alfea! : '''Flora''': The first year without us, Bloom! : '''Layla''': All those memories... : '''Tecna''': It's a strange feeling going back to school when being on the other side of the desk. : '''Stella''': Yeah, the right side. No more oral presentations, no more tests to pass or homework to do, because, this time, we’re the teachers, right? ---- : '''Ogron:''' It may come as a surprise to you, Bloom, but the wizards of the Black Circle are immune to fairy magic. :(''Bloom strengthens her spell'') : '''Bloom:''' ''Dragon Energy''. <hr width70%> : '''Ogron:''' The last fairy of the Earth is finally ours! : '''Anagan:''' Ogron, what's happening? : '''Ogron:''' The circle has rejected her. She is not the fairy we are looking for. ===Fear in Pixie Village=== *Bloom is now capable of using her fairy dust to miniaturize, which is due to her Enchantix finally being completed since rescuing her whole home world and people from eternal frost, in ''The Secret of the Lost Kingdom'' movie. <hr width70%> :'''Flora:''' Gardenia. She's in Gardenia. :'''Bloom:''' The last Earth fairy was born in my hometown? ===Winx on Earth=== * The original Italian title is "The Last Fairy of Earth." *Roxy, the last terrestrial fairy of Earth, debuts, though as a cameo. <hr width70%> ===Magic Pets=== :'''Ogron:''' Gardenia. Why did the last fairy of Earth have to be in this lame town? Must have been difficult for such a powerful creature to live among all this...Mediocrity. The sooner we find her, the sooner we can leave this depressing excuse for a city. <hr width70%> :'''Faragonda:''' And what about the second part of your mission? Is there any sign of the last fairy? :'''Tecna:''' Not yet, but we are looking. :'''Faragonda:''' Remember how crucial this part of the mission is. If the last Earth fairy falls into the hands of the Wizards of the Black Circle, they will be the most powerful wizards in all the dimensions. And their darkness will make unbearable for mankind. <hr width70%> :'''Ogron:''' ''Tell me right now!! Where is the last Earth fairy!!? Star talking!'' :'''Stella:''' ''Ocean of Light.'' :'''Bloom:''' Stella no! :'''Ogron:''' Attack me all you want. All it does is make me stronger and more powerful. Here's your ''Ocean of Light'' right back at you. <hr width70%> ===Ogron's Spell=== :'''Flora:''' I love Earth, but it has a lot of problems. :'''Musa:''' I wonder what it was like the fairies' ruled it. :'''Bloom:''' I don't know, but since they disappeared there's a total lack of harmony. <hr width70%> :'''Bloom''': Sky! What are you doing here? :'''Sky''': Eh... ehm-ehm... we just... well you know, we missed you guys so eh... surprise! :'''Bloom''': Sky! :'''Sky''': What, aren't you happy to see us? :'''Bloom''': Stop it, I know what's going on. :'''Sky''': Okay Bloom, listen. I know you're not gonna like this, but you guys are gonna need all the help you can get if you're taking on the Wizards of the Black Circle! :'''Bloom''': Sky, you just don't think that we can handle them, do you? Well for your information, this is our mission and we were doing just fine. :'''Riven''':Yeah right! ''[gestures to the destroyed park]'' :'''Bloom''': Sky we appreciate what your doing but if you don't trust us knows the time to tell us? :'''Riven''': We trust you too much! Who were those guys at the club!? :'''Musa''':Riven? :'''Bloom''':What are you talking about? :'''Sky''':Come on Bloom! Don't tell me your denying it? That Andy guy! :'''Bloom''': ''What!?'' You been ''spying'' on us!? :'''Sky''':Well, we.. a uh... :'''Bloom''': I can't believe you'd do this! I thought you knew me better then that! What's worse is I thought I knew ''you!'' :'''Sky''': Bloom if you just let me explain. :'''Riven''': Awe, let them go. Tomorrow they'll have forgotten all about it. :'''Sky''': Riven, please just stop talking! <hr width80%> === A Fairy Found=== * The last terrestrial fairy of Earth is revealed- [[w:Roxy (Winx Club)|Roxy]], Fairy of Animals. *Enchantix is seen for the final time, evolved into Believix. <hr width70%> :(''[[w:Roxy (Winx Club)|Roxy]] comforts her pet dog Artu'') :'''Bloom:''' She's giving off magic energy. Can you feel it? :'''Flora:''' It's the same one we felt since we first arrived in Gardenia. :'''Tecna:''' So it must have come from her, bot Ogron and his wizards. :'''Stella:''' So she must be... :'''Bloom:''' The last fairy of Earth. <hr width70%> : '''Ogron:''' I heard those girls say you are the one- a fairy! : '''Roxy:''' Not this again. : '''Ogron:''' It's true! You ''are'' the destined one! Now, wizards, open the portal! : '''Roxy:''' NO!! Help!! : '''Ogron:''' Yes! We finally have her! The Black Circle shall consume your powers and our mission will be complete!! <hr width70%> :''[Upon seeing the Winx Club transform off-screen]'' :'''Ogron''': It's the same old [[song]] and [[dance]] with them. :'''Gantlos''': Speak for yourself, Ogron, I kinda like it. : '''Stella:''' It's nice to have such big fans. ''Ocean of Light''. : '''Bloom:''' Roxy, take cover and don't move! ''Dragon Fury''. <hr width70%> :'''Ogron''': You led us to Roxy, so we are in your debt. For that, we'll let you live. Humiliated, defenseless and on your knees, but alive. <hr width=70%> :'''Roxy''': This is crazy, I must be seeing things. I'm ''not'' a fairy. Fairies don't exist! There's no such thing. Oh fairies don't exist. They don't exist! I can't be a fairy! :'''Ogron''': Oh yes Roxy. Fairies indeed exist and you're one of them. There's no need to cry. :'''Roxy''': Girls, please help me! You're the only ones who can save me! :'''Bloom''': Roxy, open your heart! :'''Anagan''': I don't think they heard you. :'''Roxy''': Fairies, I need you. :'''Ogron''': Ah, so now you believe in fairies. :'''Bloom''': Well done Roxy, this is exactly what you have to do. Keep going. Have faith, Roxy. :'''Roxy''': Yes. I believe. I believe in fairies and I hope they wipe those smirks off your ugly faces! <hr width=50%> (''All six Winx Club fairies have achieved their Believix forms'') : '''Bloom:''' Thank you. Your belief in us transformed us into Believix Fairies. We are so much stronger now, right, Winx? :'''Layla:''' Let the battle begin. ===I Believe In You=== <hr width70%> : '''Stella:''' ''Double Eclipse''. Uh, did you read the chapter about my powers? : '''Musa:''' No. But I know my by heart. ''Stereo Clash''. <hr width70%> : '''Roxy:''' These girls are risking their lives for me. I just wish I was as brave as them. : '''Morgana:''' Roxy. Roxy. : '''Roxy:''' Who are you? : '''Morgana:''' I will guide you. Remember you are a fairy, the Fairy of Animals. Do not be afraid. Fight! <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' We must combine our attack spells in a magic convergence. ''Fire Arrow''. : '''Stella:''' ''Sun Dance''. : '''Musa:''' ''Harmonic Attack''. : '''Tecna:''' ''Megawatt''. : '''Layla:''' ''Morfix Wave''. : '''Flora:''' ''Autumn Wind''. <hr width70%> :'''Roxy:''' I'm scared. Scared of being...a fairy. :'''Morgana's Voice:''' But you don't have to be afraid. You are the last fairy of Earth, Fairy of Animals. And the animals will help you if you let them. :'''Roxy:''' Who are you? :'''Morgana:''' You will find out soon enough. You believed in the Winx, now you must believe in yourself, just as I believe in you. <hr width70%> :'''Morgana's Voice:''' You are a fairy, Roxy, and I believe in you. :'''Roxy:''' Yes! I ''am'' a fairy, the Fairy of Animals! <hr width70%> :'''Bloom:''' We have found the last Earth fairy, Headmistress. Her name is Roxy. :'''Faragonda:''' Excellent work, Girls, but your mission is no yet complete. :'''Tecna:''' The Wizards' are still strong. Even the Believix power is useless against them. :'''Faragonda:''' That is because you have yet to reach your full potential. Did you know there are three types of wings, each with its own special power? :'''Winx Club:''' Oooh. :'''Faragonda:''' Yes. There is "Speedix" which allows you to fly faster, "Zoomix" which enables you to teleport over long distances, and "Tracix" which lets you see into the past. <hr width70%> ===Hidden in the Country=== *Believix Fairies are able to use their fairy dust to miniaturize, as with Enchantix. <hr width70%> : '''Roxy:''' I know what to do! No more running away! Creatures of the sky and forest, come to me! Come to me now! : '''Ogron:''' When she has possession of the White Circle, that girl is too strong! ===Nebula's White Circle=== <hr width70%> : '''Nebula:''' Never! This white Circle belongs to Nebula! Now and forever!! : '''Stella:''' Nebula. I heard that name before from the Book of Fairies. :'''Tecna:''' Yes. A very powerful warrior-fairy who faced Orgon and his wizards. <hr width70%> :'''Bloom:''' Let's use our shields. We have to separate Roxy from the negative energy controlling her. ''Flaming Armor.'' :'''Stella:''' ''Sirius Shield.'' :'''Musa:''' ''Sonic screen.'' :'''Tecna:''' ''Defender Plate'' :'''Flora:''' ''Summer Thunder'' :'''Layla:''' ''Plasma Wall.'' <hr width70%> ===The Audition=== ===Superheroes=== * Roxy's inherent magical abilities as Fairy of Animals gradually begin to develop when she is able to give Artu the ability of human speech. <hr width70%> : '''Roxy:''' Go, Winx! I want to be like them! I want to use my powers to help people. <hr width70%> : '''Roxy:''' Bloom, I did it! : '''Artu:''' Hello, Bloom. : '''Bloom:''' Roxy, you managed to use your magic. : '''Roxy:''' Yeah. But it's it's only temporary. ===The Pets' Pursuit=== * [[w:Roxy (Winx Club)|Roxy]] finally achieves her standard Winx/Fairy form by tapping into her inherent magical powers due to her rage and sorrow. <hr width70%> : '''Ganthos:''' What are you sobbing about? It's just a dog. : '''Roxy''' (''furious'')''':''' What!!? Just a dog!? ''Just a dog!?'' :(''Her fury enables her to tap into her exceptionally strong magical powers and transform into her standard Winx/Fairy form for the first time'') : '''Klaus:''' Wait! This...this is impossible. : '''Roxy:''' You're gonna pay for that, you monster!! I did it! I managed to transform into a fairy. Dad! Artu! Don't worry. I can help you now. : '''Ganthos:''' Nice, little one. But now what are you planning on doing? : '''Roxy:''' My attack magic is weak compared to the wizard's. But maybe there is something...I'm the Fairy of Animals. <hr width80%/> : '''Bloom:''' I'll finish them off with...Wait! I'm sensing something. : '''Flora:''' Yes, I feel it too. Roxy's magic trail. It's much stronger than before. <hr width80%> : '''Bloom:''' Roxy, you managed to transform into a fairy. : '''Roxy:''' Yes, I did. I...Oh, Artu. Artu, answer me! Oh, Artu! ===Roxy's Energy=== *The adult fairy who appears in Roxy's visions is revealed to be Morgana, Queen of the terrestrial fairies. <hr width70%> :'''Bloom''': Roxy, listen. :'''Roxy:''' Leave me alone!! If I hadn't met all of you, this never would have happened!! I don't want be a fairy! Why me!? I didn't ask for this. :'''Bloom:''' I know how you feel, Roxy, believe me. But you must move forward. A fairy lives for others, never for herself. :'''Layla:''' Not now. She's too upset, Bloom. :'''Stella:''' Stay with her. We'll handle the Fairy Hunters. <hr width80%/> : '''Bloom:''' Roxy, you...you are our last hope now. Here. Take it. : '''Roxy:''' No! I don't want the negative energy of the White Circle to control me again. : '''Bloom:''' If it falls into Ogron's hands, it will be the end for us all. : '''Roxy:''' I can't, Bloom. : '''Bloom:''' Please...I can't...I can't protect it any longer. : '''Roxy:''' Bloom! : '''Ogron:''' Ha! She fainted. <hr width80> : '''Morgana:''' We are what we are. You are a fairy, remember that- the Fairy of Animals. And the White Circle is a very powerful weapon, Roxy. Do not be frightened. Use it. Fight. <hr width70%> : '''Ogron:''' You wouldn't dare! (''Roxy emits a sea-green beam of mystical energy at him'') : '''Ogron:''' Foolish, girl! You just condemned Gardenia to it's destruction! :(''Blasts Roxy backward'') : '''Morgana:''' Get up, Roxy. You have great power. The energy of [[Earth]] is in you. Use it properly. <hr width80> :'''Bloom:''' That's the power of Believix. The people of Earth believe in fairies again, and that is our strength. ''Dragon Heart.'' ===Bringing Magic Back=== :'''Roxy''' (''thinking'')''':''' ''They're fairies but they manage to live their lives like regular girls. I wonder I'll be able to do that, too.'' :'''Bloom''' (''conversing telepathically'')''':''' ''I know how you feel, Roxy. Believe me, I understand.'' <hr width70%> : '''Faragonda''' It is good to see you, Roxy, even though it is from a distance. I'm sure the Winx have told you all about the Magix dimension, where fairies like you study at Alfea College. It will take much training, three intense years. : '''Roxy:''' Wait! What!!? There's no way I'm going to a school in another dimension! My life is here in Gardenia! <hr width=80%> : '''Faragonda:''' You must be patient with her, girls. The wizards' are still out there. Roxy is inexperienced. She could end up in trouble. <hr width=80%> (''All seven Winx Club girls have transformed'') : '''Bloom:''' Wow, Roxy. You learn fast. <hr width=80%> : '''Animal Smuggler:''' Nice costumes! For Halloween! : '''Roxy:''' We are ''real'' fairies and you'll pay for taking all these innocent animals! ===The New Witch in Town=== <hr width70%> :'''Bloom:''' The size of the object you're levitating is not as powerful as how strong your actions are. :'''Roxy:''' Okay. I think I get it. :(''Manages to use her magic to telekinetically lift an ice cream stand'') :'''Bloom:''' That was great, Roxy. <hr width70%> ===The Virtual Hideout=== <hr width70%> :'''Roxy:''' How does it work? :'''Flora:''' Objects and places have memories, Roxy. With this spell, we can go back and relive them. :'''Bloom:''' We don't know what we're going to see. Are you sure you wanna do it? :'''Roxy:''' When Nebula used me to fight against the Wizards, I understood how the Earth fairies' suffered. :'''Bloom:''' You're more and more like me. You used to act instinctive, but now you know what you want. <hr width70%> :(''The seven Winx Club fairies see a vision hundreds of years ago, back when Earth was full of magic'') :'''Morgana:''' Here it is- the last White Circle. There are many paths to our world, but this Circle will the last hope for us fairies to escape from the human world and go back to our realm, the isle of Tir Nan Og. The gates are disappearing, destroyed by Ogron and the Dark Wizards. A Black Circle appears to combat the White Circle. Many of us fought against the Fairy Hunters. The White Circle is our salvation. No shadow will obscure its light. <hr width70%> :'''Roxy:''' That woman's voice is the same one who told me believe in myself because I'm the Fairy of Animals. :'''Tecna:''' You're also the last fairy of Earth, but somewhere beyond that gate there are other Earth fairies. :'''Layla:''' And we'll find them. We promise. <hr width70%> :'''Bloom:''' Roxy, what's wrong? Are you sick? :'''Roxy:''' Someone broke into your place and is threatening the pests. They're in danger. <hr width70%> ===Island Tricks=== * The Terrestrial fairies of Earth are finally released, but desire nothing more than bitter vengeance against the humans' who had stopped believing in them, therefore greatly weakening their powerful fairy magic, as well as the Fairy Hunters who imprisoned them. <hr width70%> : '''Flora:''' So the Wizards' defeated the Earth fairies and imprisoned them... : '''Musa:''' In their own realm. How horrible. : '''Roxy:''' All of this has to end! : '''Faragonda:''' Yes, Roxy. And your magic will be most fundamental for this mission. Use the White Circle. It will take you to Tir Nan Og, the main realm of the Earth fairies. <hr width80> : '''Roxy:''' I...know that I must save the Earth fairies. But I don't know how. <hr width70%> ===Diana's Attack=== : '''Diana:''' I am Diana, warrior Fairy of Nature. Our queen Morgana wants to know you better, Roxy. : '''Bloom:''' Your wasting your time! Roxy will never join you! : '''Diana:''' The last Earth fairy ''will'' join her sisters in the fight against Ogron and the humans! : '''Bloom:''' I understand your rage, but why must you destroy humans? They didn't imprison you, the fairy hunters did! : '''Diana:''' You dare defend Earth people!? They've been afflicting this world with wars and environmental catastrophes! They are guilty! Now they'll pay! <hr width80%/> :(''About the enlarged spider'') :'''Roxy:''' It's not my type of pet, but I may be able to establish contact. <hr width80%> : '''Faragonda:''' To go into Diana's kingdom of the Amazon, you must go beyond Believix. ===In the Amazon Forest=== *The Winx Club, minus Roxy, acquire a greater evolution, Sophix. Like Charmix, it can only be used for a brief period. <hr width70%> : '''Ethereal Fairies:''' We the ethereal fairies. We shall give you the gifts of destiny. They are an evolution of Believix. The first is Sophix, the gift of wisdom. Bloom you will have the gift of ''Inner Flame''. Stella, the ''Drop of Light'', Musa, ''Pure Harmony'', Tecna, ''Superior Order'', Flora the ''Breathe of Nature'', and Layla; the gift of ''Vital Beat''. : '''Nabu:''' Now you stronger than ever, Layla. <hr width70%> : '''Roxy:''' I want to go, too. : '''Bloom:''' Sorry, Roxy. But this mission is too dangerous for a fairy with no Believix powers. <hr width70%> :(''After evolving into her Sophix form'') : '''Bloom:''' ''Inner Flame''. This the flame of life; to never give and to be born again. : '''Stella:''' ''Drop of Light''. This the light of hope, which must never go out. : '''Musa:''' ''Pure Harmony''. : '''Warrior Fairy:''' These fairies! They are totally and completely in true with nature! : '''Warrior Fairy # 2:''' But, Diana says they're our enemies, so we better attack again! : '''Tecna:''' ''Superior Order''. This the gift of order, the substance of all living things. <hr width70%> :'''Amazon Warrior Fairy:''' These fairies- they are totally and completely in tune with nature. :'''2nd Amazon Fairy:''' But, Diana says they're our enemies, so we better attack again. <hr width70%> ===Diana's Redemption=== <hr width70%> :'''Diana:''' My strength! The heart of the forest is in danger. <hr width70%> ===The Fairy of Justice=== <hr width70%> ===Aurora's Tower=== *The Winx Club, excluding Roxy, acquire the gift of heart, Lovix. As with Charmix, it is a temporary evolution of a previous, less powerful fairy level. <hr width70%> : '''Morgana:''' Agreed. But...the youngest fairy, Roxy. No one is to touch a single hair on her head. <hr width70%> : '''Roxy:''' Look out! ''Enchanted Cloak''. :(''Creates an orbicular shield to defend Flora and Tecna'') <hr width=50%> :'''Roxy:''' ''Wolf Talon''. : (''Fires a wolf of pure mystical energy at the ice monster'') : '''Flora:''' Fierce, Roxy. <hr width=50%> : '''Musa:''' You're the animal expert. What do you think, Roxy? : '''Roxy:''' Slip lock spell. ''Wild Heartbeat''. (''Fires a beam of sea-green magic that makes polar bears fight the ice creatures''). That'll buy us some time. <hr width70%> : '''Morgana:''' Join me, Roxy. No one will ever hurt you. : '''Roxy:''' Thanks, Morgana. Stop! Do you know how close you came to hitting me!? : '''Arctic Fairy:''' Step backward! : '''Bloom:''' It's working, Roxy. whatever you're doing. : '''Roxy:''' Trust me. We need to combine our powers and nothing will happen to us. <hr width70%> : '''Aurora:''' In my hand is the Blizzard. In it, there is enough power to freeze the whole universe. But I sense that one of you holds a great power within. (''to Bloom''). Yes. You hold the formidable power of the Dragon Fire. I don't want an ice and fire fight. <hr width70%> ===Bloom's Challenge=== :'''Bloom:''' For some reason, Morgana seems to really care about Roxy. Roxy knows it too. During the fight, she noticed the fairies' were trying not to hit her. She used that to defend us. We need to find out the connection between Morgana and Roxy. :(''Roxy regains consciousness'') :'''Roxy:''' Hey, girls. What's going on? Maybe I don't want to know. :'''Flora:''' You were freezing to death, and Bloom managed to buy us time by challenging Nebula to a duel. :'''Roxy:''' What!? You really did that, Bloom? <hr width80%/> : '''Morgana:''' Why will you not join me, Roxy? I offered you so many chances to save yourself, but in order to do so you must leave the Winx. : '''Roxy:''' I will never leave my friends! I will share their destiny! : '''Morgana:''' I made sure nobody harmed you. : '''Roxy:''' Yes, and I took advantage of that to save the Winx! <hr width70%> : '''Nebula:''' We've been talking for too long! We must have our revenge on the wizards', even if it means destroying Sybila's cave!! <hr width80%/> :'''Aurora:''' Nebula is out of control! Stop her before she destroys my ice tower! <hr width80%> : '''Bloom:''' You're making a mistake! You can't solve anything with vengeance! : '''Nebula:''' What do you know about vengeance and hatred!? You have nothing to teach me, you naughty child!! Have you ever been locked for centuries in a prison, humiliated and beaten!? : '''Bloom:''' ''Ice Wall''. : '''Nebula:''' My revenge against the humans is even greater! They stopped believing in us and condemned us to Oblivion! <hr width=70%> : '''Bloom:''' ''That's enough, Nebula!'' : '''Nebula:''' I'm here, Bloom. I'm waiting for you. : '''Bloom:''' ''Dragon Fire''. <hr width=70%> : '''Musa:''' Bloom defeated Nebula. You have to respect the deal. :(''Bloom collapses from exhaustion'') : '''Flora:''' Oh no. Bloom! : '''Nebula:''' The fight drained all of her power. <hr width=80%> : '''Roxy:''' Morgana, Bloom did all this for me. If something happens to her, I would never forgive myself. : '''Morgana:''' And neither could I. Your friend won the challenge, and so we must respect the arrangement. <hr width70%> : '''Flora:''' We need to trust, Roxy. She's good and she learns quickly. : '''Tecna:''' You're right, Flora. <hr width70%> : '''Nebula:''' Come, young fairy! Show me how good you are. <hr width80%/> :'''Morgana:''' I command you to stop. Bloom fought fairly. We must keep our word. :'''Roxy:''' Morgana, now you must keep your word and stop your revenge against humans. :'''Morgana:''' I'll do as you say, Roxy. But only because you asked me to. ===The Wizards' Trap=== : '''Roxy:''' Stop! :(''Uses her abilities to calm the crows'') : '''Nebula:''' I guess you can't argue with the Fairy of Animals. <hr width80%> :'''Nabu:''' Duman, your powers are out of control right now. But I can help you recover from the aliment you've been. :'''Duman:''' Who said I want to recover? :'''Nabu:''' Your magic energy is out of control right now and soon it will burn out. :'''Duman:''' In a few hours, the whole world will be ours! It was into the Black Circle at once! :'''Sky:''' What are you talking about?! :'''Duman:''' The Black Circle. (snickers) When Morgana touches the ring, we will destroy all the fairies! :'''Helia:''' What about Ogron's promise? :'''Duman:''' Hahahaha! Ogron lied! :'''Brandon:''' We've gotta warn the girls! <hr width80%> : '''Ogron:''' The last fairy of Earth! We still have a bone to pick with each other, don't we, Roxy!? <hr width70%> : '''Flora:''' Surrender, wizards! This your last chance! : '''Anagan:''' The casnm will close until the last Earth fairy falls in its depths. <hr width80%> : '''Sky:''' Nabu, what are you doing!!? : '''Nabu:''' The cashn! I have to close it! : '''Riven:''' But there's not a magical object strong enough to hold it! : '''Nabu:''' My staff is magic object. : '''Layla:''' Roxy's White Circle! What about the White Circle!? : '''Nabu:''' It's also the key to the fairies' realm! You need to protect it! <hr width80%> :'''Nabu:''' ''[last words]'' I'll never leave you, Layla. Wherever you'll be, anytime, in any world, I'll always be with you. These eyes, Layla, mustn't cry. I love you. <hr width80%> : '''Bloom:''' Layla, the Black Gift! The last Gift of Destiny from the Ethereal Fairies! Now's the time to use it!/Now's the time to use its power! : '''Layla:''' Ethereal Fairies, I beg of you, please! Give me the spell of life! : ''[Ogron suddenly steals the gift]'' :'''Bloom:''' (gasps) OGRON! :'''Layla:''' Give it back to me, now! : '''Ogron:''' Oops, how careless of me./Oh, dear me. I wasted the Gift of Destiny to give back to life to this small flower./I wasted the gift of destiny on reviving this small flower. ===Morgana's Secret/Home at Last=== : '''Roxy:''' ''Scorpion's Tail''. : (''Uses the tail of a scorpion to swipe away the warrior fairies' weapons'') <hr width70%> : '''Layla:''' So, I see it didn't take you long to replace me! : '''Roxy:''' You surprised us before when we weren't ready, but we are not going to let that happen again! : (''emits a sea-green beam of mystic energy'') <hr width80%> : '''Roxy:''' ''Wolf Talon.'' : '''Bloom:''' Nice one, Roxy. <hr width70%> :'''Nebula:''' Layla follow us, the time has come to open the doors of the magic universe. The Omega Dimension awaits us! :'''Bloom:''' Don't do it! Please Layla, don't go! You're not like them! :'''Layla:''' The girl you knew is broken, just like the flower Ogron gave me. All I want to do is give him back his gift. :'''Nebula:''' Farewell, Winx! :(Warrior fairies disappear) :'''Bloom:''' NO!!! <hr width70%> : '''Morgana:''' Even though Nebula has taken my place, that does not make a queen. After me, the throne goes to the Princess of Tir Nan Og- my daughter. You can rescue me, Roxy. : '''Roxy:''' Me? You...you're my mother? : '''Morgana:''' Roxy, I have waited so long. : '''Roxy:''' I- I thought you were... : '''Morgana:''' I'm here. I'm alive. And you're ready to accept all of this. You the last Earth fairy, the last hope for us all. Thanks to your friends, you found us and you found yourself. <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' But, Gantlos has disappeared. : '''Roxy:''' Don't worry. I know how to find him. : (''Creates a bird of prey out of ice'') :'''Roxy:''' ''Ice Raptor'', find Ganthos' tracks. ===Duel in the Omega Dimension=== *This is the Season 4 finale, followed by the second 3D movie, ''[[w:Winx Club 3D: Magical Adventure|Magical Adventure]]'' <hr width70%> :'''Roxy:''' What a creepy place. :'''Tecna:''' This is were they exile the most dangerous criminals in the universe. :'''Stella:''' But, don't worry. These ice blocks are pretty secure. :'''Roxy:''' "Pretty secure"? You're always so comforting Stella. <hr width70%> : '''Ogron:''' You want to avenge Nabu, but you're too weak to do it. <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' Nebula. : '''Nebula:''' I'll stay here. : '''Bloom:''' No, Nebula! : '''Nebula:''' I left the light for the dark side, so I should stay. : '''Bloom:''' No, that's not true. You always have light inside you. It's a part of you. Come on and start over. <hr width=80%> : '''Morgana:''' Earth fairies, release your magic into the human world and make a better place. [[Category:Winx Club seasons]] 8bvsx9n3b7c45nvl85jskvky4zi5h2o 3778975 3778973 2025-07-15T02:02:23Z 2601:84:C903:B4E0:CCD7:7A38:B89E:B671 /* Duel in the Omega Dimension */ 3778975 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Seasons:''' [[Winx Club (season 1)|1]] [[Winx Club (season 2)|2]] [[Winx Club (season 3)|3]] [[Winx Club (season 4)|4]] [[Winx Club (season 5)|5]] [[Winx Club (season 6)|6]] [[Winx Club (season 7)|7]] | [[Winx Club|Main]] ---- '''''[[w:Winx Club|Winx Club]]''''' is an animated television series created by [[w:Iginio Straffi|Iginio Straffi]] and animated by [[w:Rainbow (company)|Rainbow SpA]], in co-production with [[w:Nickelodeon|Nickelodeon]] (Seasons 5 and 6) and [[w:Rai Fiction|Rai Fiction]]. ===The Fairy Hunters/The Wizards of the Black Circle=== : '''Bloom''': Ah, a new year has started at Alfea! : '''Flora''': The first year without us, Bloom! : '''Layla''': All those memories... : '''Tecna''': It's a strange feeling going back to school when being on the other side of the desk. : '''Stella''': Yeah, the right side. No more oral presentations, no more tests to pass or homework to do, because, this time, we’re the teachers, right? ---- : '''Ogron:''' It may come as a surprise to you, Bloom, but the wizards of the Black Circle are immune to fairy magic. :(''Bloom strengthens her spell'') : '''Bloom:''' ''Dragon Energy''. <hr width70%> : '''Ogron:''' The last fairy of the Earth is finally ours! : '''Anagan:''' Ogron, what's happening? : '''Ogron:''' The circle has rejected her. She is not the fairy we are looking for. ===Fear in Pixie Village=== *Bloom is now capable of using her fairy dust to miniaturize, which is due to her Enchantix finally being completed since rescuing her whole home world and people from eternal frost, in ''The Secret of the Lost Kingdom'' movie. <hr width70%> :'''Flora:''' Gardenia. She's in Gardenia. :'''Bloom:''' The last Earth fairy was born in my hometown? ===Winx on Earth=== * The original Italian title is "The Last Fairy of Earth." *Roxy, the last terrestrial fairy of Earth, debuts, though as a cameo. <hr width70%> ===Magic Pets=== :'''Ogron:''' Gardenia. Why did the last fairy of Earth have to be in this lame town? Must have been difficult for such a powerful creature to live among all this...Mediocrity. The sooner we find her, the sooner we can leave this depressing excuse for a city. <hr width70%> :'''Faragonda:''' And what about the second part of your mission? Is there any sign of the last fairy? :'''Tecna:''' Not yet, but we are looking. :'''Faragonda:''' Remember how crucial this part of the mission is. If the last Earth fairy falls into the hands of the Wizards of the Black Circle, they will be the most powerful wizards in all the dimensions. And their darkness will make unbearable for mankind. <hr width70%> :'''Ogron:''' ''Tell me right now!! Where is the last Earth fairy!!? Star talking!'' :'''Stella:''' ''Ocean of Light.'' :'''Bloom:''' Stella no! :'''Ogron:''' Attack me all you want. All it does is make me stronger and more powerful. Here's your ''Ocean of Light'' right back at you. <hr width70%> ===Ogron's Spell=== :'''Flora:''' I love Earth, but it has a lot of problems. :'''Musa:''' I wonder what it was like the fairies' ruled it. :'''Bloom:''' I don't know, but since they disappeared there's a total lack of harmony. <hr width70%> :'''Bloom''': Sky! What are you doing here? :'''Sky''': Eh... ehm-ehm... we just... well you know, we missed you guys so eh... surprise! :'''Bloom''': Sky! :'''Sky''': What, aren't you happy to see us? :'''Bloom''': Stop it, I know what's going on. :'''Sky''': Okay Bloom, listen. I know you're not gonna like this, but you guys are gonna need all the help you can get if you're taking on the Wizards of the Black Circle! :'''Bloom''': Sky, you just don't think that we can handle them, do you? Well for your information, this is our mission and we were doing just fine. :'''Riven''':Yeah right! ''[gestures to the destroyed park]'' :'''Bloom''': Sky we appreciate what your doing but if you don't trust us knows the time to tell us? :'''Riven''': We trust you too much! Who were those guys at the club!? :'''Musa''':Riven? :'''Bloom''':What are you talking about? :'''Sky''':Come on Bloom! Don't tell me your denying it? That Andy guy! :'''Bloom''': ''What!?'' You been ''spying'' on us!? :'''Sky''':Well, we.. a uh... :'''Bloom''': I can't believe you'd do this! I thought you knew me better then that! What's worse is I thought I knew ''you!'' :'''Sky''': Bloom if you just let me explain. :'''Riven''': Awe, let them go. Tomorrow they'll have forgotten all about it. :'''Sky''': Riven, please just stop talking! <hr width80%> === A Fairy Found=== * The last terrestrial fairy of Earth is revealed- [[w:Roxy (Winx Club)|Roxy]], Fairy of Animals. *Enchantix is seen for the final time, evolved into Believix. <hr width70%> :(''[[w:Roxy (Winx Club)|Roxy]] comforts her pet dog Artu'') :'''Bloom:''' She's giving off magic energy. Can you feel it? :'''Flora:''' It's the same one we felt since we first arrived in Gardenia. :'''Tecna:''' So it must have come from her, bot Ogron and his wizards. :'''Stella:''' So she must be... :'''Bloom:''' The last fairy of Earth. <hr width70%> : '''Ogron:''' I heard those girls say you are the one- a fairy! : '''Roxy:''' Not this again. : '''Ogron:''' It's true! You ''are'' the destined one! Now, wizards, open the portal! : '''Roxy:''' NO!! Help!! : '''Ogron:''' Yes! We finally have her! The Black Circle shall consume your powers and our mission will be complete!! <hr width70%> :''[Upon seeing the Winx Club transform off-screen]'' :'''Ogron''': It's the same old [[song]] and [[dance]] with them. :'''Gantlos''': Speak for yourself, Ogron, I kinda like it. : '''Stella:''' It's nice to have such big fans. ''Ocean of Light''. : '''Bloom:''' Roxy, take cover and don't move! ''Dragon Fury''. <hr width70%> :'''Ogron''': You led us to Roxy, so we are in your debt. For that, we'll let you live. Humiliated, defenseless and on your knees, but alive. <hr width=70%> :'''Roxy''': This is crazy, I must be seeing things. I'm ''not'' a fairy. Fairies don't exist! There's no such thing. Oh fairies don't exist. They don't exist! I can't be a fairy! :'''Ogron''': Oh yes Roxy. Fairies indeed exist and you're one of them. There's no need to cry. :'''Roxy''': Girls, please help me! You're the only ones who can save me! :'''Bloom''': Roxy, open your heart! :'''Anagan''': I don't think they heard you. :'''Roxy''': Fairies, I need you. :'''Ogron''': Ah, so now you believe in fairies. :'''Bloom''': Well done Roxy, this is exactly what you have to do. Keep going. Have faith, Roxy. :'''Roxy''': Yes. I believe. I believe in fairies and I hope they wipe those smirks off your ugly faces! <hr width=50%> (''All six Winx Club fairies have achieved their Believix forms'') : '''Bloom:''' Thank you. Your belief in us transformed us into Believix Fairies. We are so much stronger now, right, Winx? :'''Layla:''' Let the battle begin. ===I Believe In You=== <hr width70%> : '''Stella:''' ''Double Eclipse''. Uh, did you read the chapter about my powers? : '''Musa:''' No. But I know my by heart. ''Stereo Clash''. <hr width70%> : '''Roxy:''' These girls are risking their lives for me. I just wish I was as brave as them. : '''Morgana:''' Roxy. Roxy. : '''Roxy:''' Who are you? : '''Morgana:''' I will guide you. Remember you are a fairy, the Fairy of Animals. Do not be afraid. Fight! <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' We must combine our attack spells in a magic convergence. ''Fire Arrow''. : '''Stella:''' ''Sun Dance''. : '''Musa:''' ''Harmonic Attack''. : '''Tecna:''' ''Megawatt''. : '''Layla:''' ''Morfix Wave''. : '''Flora:''' ''Autumn Wind''. <hr width70%> :'''Roxy:''' I'm scared. Scared of being...a fairy. :'''Morgana's Voice:''' But you don't have to be afraid. You are the last fairy of Earth, Fairy of Animals. And the animals will help you if you let them. :'''Roxy:''' Who are you? :'''Morgana:''' You will find out soon enough. You believed in the Winx, now you must believe in yourself, just as I believe in you. <hr width70%> :'''Morgana's Voice:''' You are a fairy, Roxy, and I believe in you. :'''Roxy:''' Yes! I ''am'' a fairy, the Fairy of Animals! <hr width70%> :'''Bloom:''' We have found the last Earth fairy, Headmistress. Her name is Roxy. :'''Faragonda:''' Excellent work, Girls, but your mission is no yet complete. :'''Tecna:''' The Wizards' are still strong. Even the Believix power is useless against them. :'''Faragonda:''' That is because you have yet to reach your full potential. Did you know there are three types of wings, each with its own special power? :'''Winx Club:''' Oooh. :'''Faragonda:''' Yes. There is "Speedix" which allows you to fly faster, "Zoomix" which enables you to teleport over long distances, and "Tracix" which lets you see into the past. <hr width70%> ===Hidden in the Country=== *Believix Fairies are able to use their fairy dust to miniaturize, as with Enchantix. <hr width70%> : '''Roxy:''' I know what to do! No more running away! Creatures of the sky and forest, come to me! Come to me now! : '''Ogron:''' When she has possession of the White Circle, that girl is too strong! ===Nebula's White Circle=== <hr width70%> : '''Nebula:''' Never! This white Circle belongs to Nebula! Now and forever!! : '''Stella:''' Nebula. I heard that name before from the Book of Fairies. :'''Tecna:''' Yes. A very powerful warrior-fairy who faced Orgon and his wizards. <hr width70%> :'''Bloom:''' Let's use our shields. We have to separate Roxy from the negative energy controlling her. ''Flaming Armor.'' :'''Stella:''' ''Sirius Shield.'' :'''Musa:''' ''Sonic screen.'' :'''Tecna:''' ''Defender Plate'' :'''Flora:''' ''Summer Thunder'' :'''Layla:''' ''Plasma Wall.'' <hr width70%> ===The Audition=== ===Superheroes=== * Roxy's inherent magical abilities as Fairy of Animals gradually begin to develop when she is able to give Artu the ability of human speech. <hr width70%> : '''Roxy:''' Go, Winx! I want to be like them! I want to use my powers to help people. <hr width70%> : '''Roxy:''' Bloom, I did it! : '''Artu:''' Hello, Bloom. : '''Bloom:''' Roxy, you managed to use your magic. : '''Roxy:''' Yeah. But it's it's only temporary. ===The Pets' Pursuit=== * [[w:Roxy (Winx Club)|Roxy]] finally achieves her standard Winx/Fairy form by tapping into her inherent magical powers due to her rage and sorrow. <hr width70%> : '''Ganthos:''' What are you sobbing about? It's just a dog. : '''Roxy''' (''furious'')''':''' What!!? Just a dog!? ''Just a dog!?'' :(''Her fury enables her to tap into her exceptionally strong magical powers and transform into her standard Winx/Fairy form for the first time'') : '''Klaus:''' Wait! This...this is impossible. : '''Roxy:''' You're gonna pay for that, you monster!! I did it! I managed to transform into a fairy. Dad! Artu! Don't worry. I can help you now. : '''Ganthos:''' Nice, little one. But now what are you planning on doing? : '''Roxy:''' My attack magic is weak compared to the wizard's. But maybe there is something...I'm the Fairy of Animals. <hr width80%/> : '''Bloom:''' I'll finish them off with...Wait! I'm sensing something. : '''Flora:''' Yes, I feel it too. Roxy's magic trail. It's much stronger than before. <hr width80%> : '''Bloom:''' Roxy, you managed to transform into a fairy. : '''Roxy:''' Yes, I did. I...Oh, Artu. Artu, answer me! Oh, Artu! ===Roxy's Energy=== *The adult fairy who appears in Roxy's visions is revealed to be Morgana, Queen of the terrestrial fairies. <hr width70%> :'''Bloom''': Roxy, listen. :'''Roxy:''' Leave me alone!! If I hadn't met all of you, this never would have happened!! I don't want be a fairy! Why me!? I didn't ask for this. :'''Bloom:''' I know how you feel, Roxy, believe me. But you must move forward. A fairy lives for others, never for herself. :'''Layla:''' Not now. She's too upset, Bloom. :'''Stella:''' Stay with her. We'll handle the Fairy Hunters. <hr width80%/> : '''Bloom:''' Roxy, you...you are our last hope now. Here. Take it. : '''Roxy:''' No! I don't want the negative energy of the White Circle to control me again. : '''Bloom:''' If it falls into Ogron's hands, it will be the end for us all. : '''Roxy:''' I can't, Bloom. : '''Bloom:''' Please...I can't...I can't protect it any longer. : '''Roxy:''' Bloom! : '''Ogron:''' Ha! She fainted. <hr width80> : '''Morgana:''' We are what we are. You are a fairy, remember that- the Fairy of Animals. And the White Circle is a very powerful weapon, Roxy. Do not be frightened. Use it. Fight. <hr width70%> : '''Ogron:''' You wouldn't dare! (''Roxy emits a sea-green beam of mystical energy at him'') : '''Ogron:''' Foolish, girl! You just condemned Gardenia to it's destruction! :(''Blasts Roxy backward'') : '''Morgana:''' Get up, Roxy. You have great power. The energy of [[Earth]] is in you. Use it properly. <hr width80> :'''Bloom:''' That's the power of Believix. The people of Earth believe in fairies again, and that is our strength. ''Dragon Heart.'' ===Bringing Magic Back=== :'''Roxy''' (''thinking'')''':''' ''They're fairies but they manage to live their lives like regular girls. I wonder I'll be able to do that, too.'' :'''Bloom''' (''conversing telepathically'')''':''' ''I know how you feel, Roxy. Believe me, I understand.'' <hr width70%> : '''Faragonda''' It is good to see you, Roxy, even though it is from a distance. I'm sure the Winx have told you all about the Magix dimension, where fairies like you study at Alfea College. It will take much training, three intense years. : '''Roxy:''' Wait! What!!? There's no way I'm going to a school in another dimension! My life is here in Gardenia! <hr width=80%> : '''Faragonda:''' You must be patient with her, girls. The wizards' are still out there. Roxy is inexperienced. She could end up in trouble. <hr width=80%> (''All seven Winx Club girls have transformed'') : '''Bloom:''' Wow, Roxy. You learn fast. <hr width=80%> : '''Animal Smuggler:''' Nice costumes! For Halloween! : '''Roxy:''' We are ''real'' fairies and you'll pay for taking all these innocent animals! ===The New Witch in Town=== <hr width70%> :'''Bloom:''' The size of the object you're levitating is not as powerful as how strong your actions are. :'''Roxy:''' Okay. I think I get it. :(''Manages to use her magic to telekinetically lift an ice cream stand'') :'''Bloom:''' That was great, Roxy. <hr width70%> ===The Virtual Hideout=== <hr width70%> :'''Roxy:''' How does it work? :'''Flora:''' Objects and places have memories, Roxy. With this spell, we can go back and relive them. :'''Bloom:''' We don't know what we're going to see. Are you sure you wanna do it? :'''Roxy:''' When Nebula used me to fight against the Wizards, I understood how the Earth fairies' suffered. :'''Bloom:''' You're more and more like me. You used to act instinctive, but now you know what you want. <hr width70%> :(''The seven Winx Club fairies see a vision hundreds of years ago, back when Earth was full of magic'') :'''Morgana:''' Here it is- the last White Circle. There are many paths to our world, but this Circle will the last hope for us fairies to escape from the human world and go back to our realm, the isle of Tir Nan Og. The gates are disappearing, destroyed by Ogron and the Dark Wizards. A Black Circle appears to combat the White Circle. Many of us fought against the Fairy Hunters. The White Circle is our salvation. No shadow will obscure its light. <hr width70%> :'''Roxy:''' That woman's voice is the same one who told me believe in myself because I'm the Fairy of Animals. :'''Tecna:''' You're also the last fairy of Earth, but somewhere beyond that gate there are other Earth fairies. :'''Layla:''' And we'll find them. We promise. <hr width70%> :'''Bloom:''' Roxy, what's wrong? Are you sick? :'''Roxy:''' Someone broke into your place and is threatening the pests. They're in danger. <hr width70%> ===Island Tricks=== * The Terrestrial fairies of Earth are finally released, but desire nothing more than bitter vengeance against the humans' who had stopped believing in them, therefore greatly weakening their powerful fairy magic, as well as the Fairy Hunters who imprisoned them. <hr width70%> : '''Flora:''' So the Wizards' defeated the Earth fairies and imprisoned them... : '''Musa:''' In their own realm. How horrible. : '''Roxy:''' All of this has to end! : '''Faragonda:''' Yes, Roxy. And your magic will be most fundamental for this mission. Use the White Circle. It will take you to Tir Nan Og, the main realm of the Earth fairies. <hr width80> : '''Roxy:''' I...know that I must save the Earth fairies. But I don't know how. <hr width70%> ===Diana's Attack=== : '''Diana:''' I am Diana, warrior Fairy of Nature. Our queen Morgana wants to know you better, Roxy. : '''Bloom:''' Your wasting your time! Roxy will never join you! : '''Diana:''' The last Earth fairy ''will'' join her sisters in the fight against Ogron and the humans! : '''Bloom:''' I understand your rage, but why must you destroy humans? They didn't imprison you, the fairy hunters did! : '''Diana:''' You dare defend Earth people!? They've been afflicting this world with wars and environmental catastrophes! They are guilty! Now they'll pay! <hr width80%/> :(''About the enlarged spider'') :'''Roxy:''' It's not my type of pet, but I may be able to establish contact. <hr width80%> : '''Faragonda:''' To go into Diana's kingdom of the Amazon, you must go beyond Believix. ===In the Amazon Forest=== *The Winx Club, minus Roxy, acquire a greater evolution, Sophix. Like Charmix, it can only be used for a brief period. <hr width70%> : '''Ethereal Fairies:''' We the ethereal fairies. We shall give you the gifts of destiny. They are an evolution of Believix. The first is Sophix, the gift of wisdom. Bloom you will have the gift of ''Inner Flame''. Stella, the ''Drop of Light'', Musa, ''Pure Harmony'', Tecna, ''Superior Order'', Flora the ''Breathe of Nature'', and Layla; the gift of ''Vital Beat''. : '''Nabu:''' Now you stronger than ever, Layla. <hr width70%> : '''Roxy:''' I want to go, too. : '''Bloom:''' Sorry, Roxy. But this mission is too dangerous for a fairy with no Believix powers. <hr width70%> :(''After evolving into her Sophix form'') : '''Bloom:''' ''Inner Flame''. This the flame of life; to never give and to be born again. : '''Stella:''' ''Drop of Light''. This the light of hope, which must never go out. : '''Musa:''' ''Pure Harmony''. : '''Warrior Fairy:''' These fairies! They are totally and completely in true with nature! : '''Warrior Fairy # 2:''' But, Diana says they're our enemies, so we better attack again! : '''Tecna:''' ''Superior Order''. This the gift of order, the substance of all living things. <hr width70%> :'''Amazon Warrior Fairy:''' These fairies- they are totally and completely in tune with nature. :'''2nd Amazon Fairy:''' But, Diana says they're our enemies, so we better attack again. <hr width70%> ===Diana's Redemption=== <hr width70%> :'''Diana:''' My strength! The heart of the forest is in danger. <hr width70%> ===The Fairy of Justice=== <hr width70%> ===Aurora's Tower=== *The Winx Club, excluding Roxy, acquire the gift of heart, Lovix. As with Charmix, it is a temporary evolution of a previous, less powerful fairy level. <hr width70%> : '''Morgana:''' Agreed. But...the youngest fairy, Roxy. No one is to touch a single hair on her head. <hr width70%> : '''Roxy:''' Look out! ''Enchanted Cloak''. :(''Creates an orbicular shield to defend Flora and Tecna'') <hr width=50%> :'''Roxy:''' ''Wolf Talon''. : (''Fires a wolf of pure mystical energy at the ice monster'') : '''Flora:''' Fierce, Roxy. <hr width=50%> : '''Musa:''' You're the animal expert. What do you think, Roxy? : '''Roxy:''' Slip lock spell. ''Wild Heartbeat''. (''Fires a beam of sea-green magic that makes polar bears fight the ice creatures''). That'll buy us some time. <hr width70%> : '''Morgana:''' Join me, Roxy. No one will ever hurt you. : '''Roxy:''' Thanks, Morgana. Stop! Do you know how close you came to hitting me!? : '''Arctic Fairy:''' Step backward! : '''Bloom:''' It's working, Roxy. whatever you're doing. : '''Roxy:''' Trust me. We need to combine our powers and nothing will happen to us. <hr width70%> : '''Aurora:''' In my hand is the Blizzard. In it, there is enough power to freeze the whole universe. But I sense that one of you holds a great power within. (''to Bloom''). Yes. You hold the formidable power of the Dragon Fire. I don't want an ice and fire fight. <hr width70%> ===Bloom's Challenge=== :'''Bloom:''' For some reason, Morgana seems to really care about Roxy. Roxy knows it too. During the fight, she noticed the fairies' were trying not to hit her. She used that to defend us. We need to find out the connection between Morgana and Roxy. :(''Roxy regains consciousness'') :'''Roxy:''' Hey, girls. What's going on? Maybe I don't want to know. :'''Flora:''' You were freezing to death, and Bloom managed to buy us time by challenging Nebula to a duel. :'''Roxy:''' What!? You really did that, Bloom? <hr width80%/> : '''Morgana:''' Why will you not join me, Roxy? I offered you so many chances to save yourself, but in order to do so you must leave the Winx. : '''Roxy:''' I will never leave my friends! I will share their destiny! : '''Morgana:''' I made sure nobody harmed you. : '''Roxy:''' Yes, and I took advantage of that to save the Winx! <hr width70%> : '''Nebula:''' We've been talking for too long! We must have our revenge on the wizards', even if it means destroying Sybila's cave!! <hr width80%/> :'''Aurora:''' Nebula is out of control! Stop her before she destroys my ice tower! <hr width80%> : '''Bloom:''' You're making a mistake! You can't solve anything with vengeance! : '''Nebula:''' What do you know about vengeance and hatred!? You have nothing to teach me, you naughty child!! Have you ever been locked for centuries in a prison, humiliated and beaten!? : '''Bloom:''' ''Ice Wall''. : '''Nebula:''' My revenge against the humans is even greater! They stopped believing in us and condemned us to Oblivion! <hr width=70%> : '''Bloom:''' ''That's enough, Nebula!'' : '''Nebula:''' I'm here, Bloom. I'm waiting for you. : '''Bloom:''' ''Dragon Fire''. <hr width=70%> : '''Musa:''' Bloom defeated Nebula. You have to respect the deal. :(''Bloom collapses from exhaustion'') : '''Flora:''' Oh no. Bloom! : '''Nebula:''' The fight drained all of her power. <hr width=80%> : '''Roxy:''' Morgana, Bloom did all this for me. If something happens to her, I would never forgive myself. : '''Morgana:''' And neither could I. Your friend won the challenge, and so we must respect the arrangement. <hr width70%> : '''Flora:''' We need to trust, Roxy. She's good and she learns quickly. : '''Tecna:''' You're right, Flora. <hr width70%> : '''Nebula:''' Come, young fairy! Show me how good you are. <hr width80%/> :'''Morgana:''' I command you to stop. Bloom fought fairly. We must keep our word. :'''Roxy:''' Morgana, now you must keep your word and stop your revenge against humans. :'''Morgana:''' I'll do as you say, Roxy. But only because you asked me to. ===The Wizards' Trap=== : '''Roxy:''' Stop! :(''Uses her abilities to calm the crows'') : '''Nebula:''' I guess you can't argue with the Fairy of Animals. <hr width80%> :'''Nabu:''' Duman, your powers are out of control right now. But I can help you recover from the aliment you've been. :'''Duman:''' Who said I want to recover? :'''Nabu:''' Your magic energy is out of control right now and soon it will burn out. :'''Duman:''' In a few hours, the whole world will be ours! It was into the Black Circle at once! :'''Sky:''' What are you talking about?! :'''Duman:''' The Black Circle. (snickers) When Morgana touches the ring, we will destroy all the fairies! :'''Helia:''' What about Ogron's promise? :'''Duman:''' Hahahaha! Ogron lied! :'''Brandon:''' We've gotta warn the girls! <hr width80%> : '''Ogron:''' The last fairy of Earth! We still have a bone to pick with each other, don't we, Roxy!? <hr width70%> : '''Flora:''' Surrender, wizards! This your last chance! : '''Anagan:''' The casnm will close until the last Earth fairy falls in its depths. <hr width80%> : '''Sky:''' Nabu, what are you doing!!? : '''Nabu:''' The cashn! I have to close it! : '''Riven:''' But there's not a magical object strong enough to hold it! : '''Nabu:''' My staff is magic object. : '''Layla:''' Roxy's White Circle! What about the White Circle!? : '''Nabu:''' It's also the key to the fairies' realm! You need to protect it! <hr width80%> :'''Nabu:''' ''[last words]'' I'll never leave you, Layla. Wherever you'll be, anytime, in any world, I'll always be with you. These eyes, Layla, mustn't cry. I love you. <hr width80%> : '''Bloom:''' Layla, the Black Gift! The last Gift of Destiny from the Ethereal Fairies! Now's the time to use it!/Now's the time to use its power! : '''Layla:''' Ethereal Fairies, I beg of you, please! Give me the spell of life! : ''[Ogron suddenly steals the gift]'' :'''Bloom:''' (gasps) OGRON! :'''Layla:''' Give it back to me, now! : '''Ogron:''' Oops, how careless of me./Oh, dear me. I wasted the Gift of Destiny to give back to life to this small flower./I wasted the gift of destiny on reviving this small flower. ===Morgana's Secret/Home at Last=== : '''Roxy:''' ''Scorpion's Tail''. : (''Uses the tail of a scorpion to swipe away the warrior fairies' weapons'') <hr width70%> : '''Layla:''' So, I see it didn't take you long to replace me! : '''Roxy:''' You surprised us before when we weren't ready, but we are not going to let that happen again! : (''emits a sea-green beam of mystic energy'') <hr width80%> : '''Roxy:''' ''Wolf Talon.'' : '''Bloom:''' Nice one, Roxy. <hr width70%> :'''Nebula:''' Layla follow us, the time has come to open the doors of the magic universe. The Omega Dimension awaits us! :'''Bloom:''' Don't do it! Please Layla, don't go! You're not like them! :'''Layla:''' The girl you knew is broken, just like the flower Ogron gave me. All I want to do is give him back his gift. :'''Nebula:''' Farewell, Winx! :(Warrior fairies disappear) :'''Bloom:''' NO!!! <hr width70%> : '''Morgana:''' Even though Nebula has taken my place, that does not make a queen. After me, the throne goes to the Princess of Tir Nan Og- my daughter. You can rescue me, Roxy. : '''Roxy:''' Me? You...you're my mother? : '''Morgana:''' Roxy, I have waited so long. : '''Roxy:''' I- I thought you were... : '''Morgana:''' I'm here. I'm alive. And you're ready to accept all of this. You the last Earth fairy, the last hope for us all. Thanks to your friends, you found us and you found yourself. <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' But, Gantlos has disappeared. : '''Roxy:''' Don't worry. I know how to find him. : (''Creates a bird of prey out of ice'') :'''Roxy:''' ''Ice Raptor'', find Ganthos' tracks. ===Duel in the Omega Dimension=== *This is the Season 4 finale, followed by the second 3D movie, ''[[w:Winx Club 3D: Magical Adventure|Magical Adventure]]'' <hr width70%> :'''Roxy:''' What a creepy place. :'''Tecna:''' This is were they exile the most dangerous criminals in the universe. :'''Stella:''' But, don't worry. These ice blocks are pretty secure. :'''Roxy:''' "Pretty secure"? You're always so comforting Stella. <hr width70%> : '''Ogron:''' You want to avenge Nabu, but you're too weak to do it. <hr width70%> :'''Anigan:''' Let's surrender, Ogron! :'''Orgon:''' ''Never!'' <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' Nebula. : '''Nebula:''' I'll stay here. : '''Bloom:''' No, Nebula! : '''Nebula:''' I left the light for the dark side, so I should stay. : '''Bloom:''' No, that's not true. You always have light inside you. It's a part of you. Come on and start over. <hr width=80%> : '''Morgana:''' Earth fairies, release your magic into the human world and make a better place. [[Category:Winx Club seasons]] fmzuksk1ah7dg12lnkifbb3wwgn5qmx 3778979 3778975 2025-07-15T02:05:10Z 2601:84:C903:B4E0:CCD7:7A38:B89E:B671 3778979 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Seasons:''' [[Winx Club (season 1)|1]] [[Winx Club (season 2)|2]] [[Winx Club (season 3)|3]] [[Winx Club (season 4)|4]] [[Winx Club (season 5)|5]] [[Winx Club (season 6)|6]] [[Winx Club (season 7)|7]] | [[Winx Club|Main]] ---- '''''[[w:Winx Club|Winx Club]]''''' is an animated television series created by [[w:Iginio Straffi|Iginio Straffi]] and animated by [[w:Rainbow (company)|Rainbow SpA]], in co-production with [[w:Nickelodeon|Nickelodeon]] (Seasons 5 and 6) and [[w:Rai Fiction|Rai Fiction]]. ===The Fairy Hunters/The Wizards of the Black Circle=== : '''Bloom''': Ah, a new year has started at Alfea! : '''Flora''': The first year without us, Bloom! : '''Layla''': All those memories... : '''Tecna''': It's a strange feeling going back to school when being on the other side of the desk. : '''Stella''': Yeah, the right side. No more oral presentations, no more tests to pass or homework to do, because, this time, we’re the teachers, right? ---- : '''Ogron:''' It may come as a surprise to you, Bloom, but the wizards of the Black Circle are immune to fairy magic. :(''Bloom strengthens her spell'') : '''Bloom:''' ''Dragon Energy''. <hr width70%> : '''Ogron:''' The last fairy of the Earth is finally ours! : '''Anagan:''' Ogron, what's happening? : '''Ogron:''' The circle has rejected her. She is not the fairy we are looking for. ===The Tree of Life/Fear in Pixie Village=== *Bloom is now capable of using her fairy dust to miniaturize, which is due to her Enchantix finally being completed since rescuing her whole home world and people from eternal frost, in ''The Secret of the Lost Kingdom'' movie. <hr width70%> :'''Flora:''' Gardenia. She's in Gardenia. :'''Bloom:''' The last Earth fairy was born in my hometown? ===The Last Fairy on Earth/Winx on Earth=== * The original Italian title is "The Last Fairy of Earth." *Roxy, the last terrestrial fairy of Earth, debuts, though as a cameo. <hr width70%> ===Love and Pet/Magic Pets=== :'''Ogron:''' Gardenia. Why did the last fairy of Earth have to be in this lame town? Must have been difficult for such a powerful creature to live among all this...Mediocrity. The sooner we find her, the sooner we can leave this depressing excuse for a city. <hr width70%> :'''Faragonda:''' And what about the second part of your mission? Is there any sign of the last fairy? :'''Tecna:''' Not yet, but we are looking. :'''Faragonda:''' Remember how crucial this part of the mission is. If the last Earth fairy falls into the hands of the Wizards of the Black Circle, they will be the most powerful wizards in all the dimensions. And their darkness will make unbearable for mankind. <hr width70%> :'''Ogron:''' ''Tell me right now!! Where is the last Earth fairy!!? Star talking!'' :'''Stella:''' ''Ocean of Light.'' :'''Bloom:''' Stella no! :'''Ogron:''' Attack me all you want. All it does is make me stronger and more powerful. Here's your ''Ocean of Light'' right back at you. <hr width70%> ===Mitzi's Present/Ogron's Spell=== :'''Flora:''' I love Earth, but it has a lot of problems. :'''Musa:''' I wonder what it was like the fairies' ruled it. :'''Bloom:''' I don't know, but since they disappeared there's a total lack of harmony. <hr width70%> :'''Bloom''': Sky! What are you doing here? :'''Sky''': Eh... ehm-ehm... we just... well you know, we missed you guys so eh... surprise! :'''Bloom''': Sky! :'''Sky''': What, aren't you happy to see us? :'''Bloom''': Stop it, I know what's going on. :'''Sky''': Okay Bloom, listen. I know you're not gonna like this, but you guys are gonna need all the help you can get if you're taking on the Wizards of the Black Circle! :'''Bloom''': Sky, you just don't think that we can handle them, do you? Well for your information, this is our mission and we were doing just fine. :'''Riven''':Yeah right! ''[gestures to the destroyed park]'' :'''Bloom''': Sky we appreciate what your doing but if you don't trust us knows the time to tell us? :'''Riven''': We trust you too much! Who were those guys at the club!? :'''Musa''':Riven? :'''Bloom''':What are you talking about? :'''Sky''':Come on Bloom! Don't tell me your denying it? That Andy guy! :'''Bloom''': ''What!?'' You been ''spying'' on us!? :'''Sky''':Well, we.. a uh... :'''Bloom''': I can't believe you'd do this! I thought you knew me better then that! What's worse is I thought I knew ''you!'' :'''Sky''': Bloom if you just let me explain. :'''Riven''': Awe, let them go. Tomorrow they'll have forgotten all about it. :'''Sky''': Riven, please just stop talking! <hr width80%> === A Fairy in Danger/A Fairy Found=== * The last terrestrial fairy of Earth is revealed- [[w:Roxy (Winx Club)|Roxy]], Fairy of Animals. *Enchantix is seen for the final time, evolved into Believix. <hr width70%> :(''[[w:Roxy (Winx Club)|Roxy]] comforts her pet dog Artu'') :'''Bloom:''' She's giving off magic energy. Can you feel it? :'''Flora:''' It's the same one we felt since we first arrived in Gardenia. :'''Tecna:''' So it must have come from her, bot Ogron and his wizards. :'''Stella:''' So she must be... :'''Bloom:''' The last fairy of Earth. <hr width70%> : '''Ogron:''' I heard those girls say you are the one- a fairy! : '''Roxy:''' Not this again. : '''Ogron:''' It's true! You ''are'' the destined one! Now, wizards, open the portal! : '''Roxy:''' NO!! Help!! : '''Ogron:''' Yes! We finally have her! The Black Circle shall consume your powers and our mission will be complete!! <hr width70%> :''[Upon seeing the Winx Club transform off-screen]'' :'''Ogron''': It's the same old [[song]] and [[dance]] with them. :'''Gantlos''': Speak for yourself, Ogron, I kinda like it. : '''Stella:''' It's nice to have such big fans. ''Ocean of Light''. : '''Bloom:''' Roxy, take cover and don't move! ''Dragon Fury''. <hr width70%> :'''Ogron''': You led us to Roxy, so we are in your debt. For that, we'll let you live. Humiliated, defenseless and on your knees, but alive. <hr width=70%> :'''Roxy''': This is crazy, I must be seeing things. I'm ''not'' a fairy. Fairies don't exist! There's no such thing. Oh fairies don't exist. They don't exist! I can't be a fairy! :'''Ogron''': Oh yes Roxy. Fairies indeed exist and you're one of them. There's no need to cry. :'''Roxy''': Girls, please help me! You're the only ones who can save me! :'''Bloom''': Roxy, open your heart! :'''Anagan''': I don't think they heard you. :'''Roxy''': Fairies, I need you. :'''Ogron''': Ah, so now you believe in fairies. :'''Bloom''': Well done Roxy, this is exactly what you have to do. Keep going. Have faith, Roxy! :'''Roxy''': Yes... I believe! I believe in fairies! And I hope they wipe those smirks off your ugly faces! :'''Bloom''': This is it... The Believix energy! Feel the energy, girls, feel it! :'''Ogron''': That's enough! Wizards of the Black Circle, the portal! <hr width=50%> (''All six Winx Club fairies have achieved their Believix forms'') : '''Bloom:''' Thank you. Your belief in us transformed us into Believix Fairies. We are so much stronger now, right, Winx? :'''Layla:''' Let the battle begin. ===Winx Believix/I Believe In You=== :'''Bloom''': I can't believe we reached the Believix level! :'''Flora''': It was like all the forces of nature united in one single moment! :'''Stella''': Check out the clothes! They're amazing! <hr width70%> : '''Stella:''' ''Double Eclipse''. Uh, did you read the chapter about my powers? : '''Musa:''' No. But I know my by heart. ''Stereo Clash''. <hr width70%> : '''Roxy:''' These girls are risking their lives for me. I just wish I was as brave as them. : '''Morgana:''' Roxy. Roxy. : '''Roxy:''' Who are you? : '''Morgana:''' I will guide you. Remember you are a fairy, the Fairy of Animals. Do not be afraid. Fight! <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' We must combine our attack spells in a magic convergence. ''Fire Arrow''. : '''Stella:''' ''Sun Dance''. : '''Musa:''' ''Harmonic Attack''. : '''Tecna:''' ''Megawatt''. : '''Layla:''' ''Morfix Wave''. : '''Flora:''' ''Autumn Wind''. <hr width70%> :'''Roxy:''' I'm scared. Scared of being...a fairy. :'''Morgana's Voice:''' But you don't have to be afraid. You are the last fairy of Earth, Fairy of Animals. And the animals will help you if you let them. :'''Roxy:''' Who are you? :'''Morgana:''' You will find out soon enough. You believed in the Winx, now you must believe in yourself, just as I believe in you. <hr width70%> :'''Morgana's Voice:''' You are a fairy, Roxy, and I believe in you. :'''Roxy:''' Yes! I ''am'' a fairy, the Fairy of Animals! <hr width70%> :'''Bloom:''' We have found the last Earth fairy, Headmistress. Her name is Roxy. :'''Faragonda:''' Excellent work, Girls, but your mission is no yet complete. :'''Tecna:''' The Wizards' are still strong. Even the Believix power is useless against them. :'''Faragonda:''' That is because you have yet to reach your full potential. Did you know there are three types of wings, each with its own special power? :'''Winx Club:''' Oooh. :'''Faragonda:''' Yes. There is "Speedix" which allows you to fly faster, "Zoomix" which enables you to teleport over long distances, and "Tracix" which lets you see into the past. <hr width70%> ===Hidden in the Country=== *Believix Fairies are able to use their fairy dust to miniaturize, as with Enchantix. <hr width70%> : '''Roxy:''' I know what to do! No more running away! Creatures of the sky and forest, come to me! Come to me now! : '''Ogron:''' When she has possession of the White Circle, that girl is too strong! ===Nebula's White Circle=== <hr width70%> : '''Nebula:''' Never! This white Circle belongs to Nebula! Now and forever!! : '''Stella:''' Nebula. I heard that name before from the Book of Fairies. :'''Tecna:''' Yes. A very powerful warrior-fairy who faced Orgon and his wizards. <hr width70%> :'''Bloom:''' Let's use our shields. We have to separate Roxy from the negative energy controlling her. ''Flaming Armor.'' :'''Stella:''' ''Sirius Shield.'' :'''Musa:''' ''Sonic screen.'' :'''Tecna:''' ''Defender Plate'' :'''Flora:''' ''Summer Thunder'' :'''Layla:''' ''Plasma Wall.'' <hr width70%> ===The Audition=== ===Superheroes=== * Roxy's inherent magical abilities as Fairy of Animals gradually begin to develop when she is able to give Artu the ability of human speech. <hr width70%> : '''Roxy:''' Go, Winx! I want to be like them! I want to use my powers to help people. <hr width70%> : '''Roxy:''' Bloom, I did it! : '''Artu:''' Hello, Bloom. : '''Bloom:''' Roxy, you managed to use your magic. : '''Roxy:''' Yeah. But it's it's only temporary. ===The Pets' Pursuit=== * [[w:Roxy (Winx Club)|Roxy]] finally achieves her standard Winx/Fairy form by tapping into her inherent magical powers due to her rage and sorrow. <hr width70%> : '''Ganthos:''' What are you sobbing about? It's just a dog. : '''Roxy''' (''furious'')''':''' What!!? Just a dog!? ''Just a dog!?'' :(''Her fury enables her to tap into her exceptionally strong magical powers and transform into her standard Winx/Fairy form for the first time'') : '''Klaus:''' Wait! This...this is impossible. : '''Roxy:''' You're gonna pay for that, you monster!! I did it! I managed to transform into a fairy. Dad! Artu! Don't worry. I can help you now. : '''Ganthos:''' Nice, little one. But now what are you planning on doing? : '''Roxy:''' My attack magic is weak compared to the wizard's. But maybe there is something...I'm the Fairy of Animals. <hr width80%/> : '''Bloom:''' I'll finish them off with...Wait! I'm sensing something. : '''Flora:''' Yes, I feel it too. Roxy's magic trail. It's much stronger than before. <hr width80%> : '''Bloom:''' Roxy, you managed to transform into a fairy. : '''Roxy:''' Yes, I did. I...Oh, Artu. Artu, answer me! Oh, Artu! ===Roxy's Energy=== *The adult fairy who appears in Roxy's visions is revealed to be Morgana, Queen of the terrestrial fairies. <hr width70%> :'''Bloom''': Roxy, listen. :'''Roxy:''' Leave me alone!! If I hadn't met all of you, this never would have happened!! I don't want be a fairy! Why me!? I didn't ask for this. :'''Bloom:''' I know how you feel, Roxy, believe me. But you must move forward. A fairy lives for others, never for herself. :'''Layla:''' Not now. She's too upset, Bloom. :'''Stella:''' Stay with her. We'll handle the Fairy Hunters. <hr width80%/> : '''Bloom:''' Roxy, you...you are our last hope now. Here. Take it. : '''Roxy:''' No! I don't want the negative energy of the White Circle to control me again. : '''Bloom:''' If it falls into Ogron's hands, it will be the end for us all. : '''Roxy:''' I can't, Bloom. : '''Bloom:''' Please...I can't...I can't protect it any longer. : '''Roxy:''' Bloom! : '''Ogron:''' Ha! She fainted. <hr width80> : '''Morgana:''' We are what we are. You are a fairy, remember that- the Fairy of Animals. And the White Circle is a very powerful weapon, Roxy. Do not be frightened. Use it. Fight. <hr width70%> : '''Ogron:''' You wouldn't dare! (''Roxy emits a sea-green beam of mystical energy at him'') : '''Ogron:''' Foolish, girl! You just condemned Gardenia to it's destruction! :(''Blasts Roxy backward'') : '''Morgana:''' Get up, Roxy. You have great power. The energy of [[Earth]] is in you. Use it properly. <hr width80> :'''Bloom:''' That's the power of Believix. The people of Earth believe in fairies again, and that is our strength. ''Dragon Heart.'' ===Bringing Magic Back=== :'''Roxy''' (''thinking'')''':''' ''They're fairies but they manage to live their lives like regular girls. I wonder I'll be able to do that, too.'' :'''Bloom''' (''conversing telepathically'')''':''' ''I know how you feel, Roxy. Believe me, I understand.'' <hr width70%> : '''Faragonda''' It is good to see you, Roxy, even though it is from a distance. I'm sure the Winx have told you all about the Magix dimension, where fairies like you study at Alfea College. It will take much training, three intense years. : '''Roxy:''' Wait! What!!? There's no way I'm going to a school in another dimension! My life is here in Gardenia! <hr width=80%> : '''Faragonda:''' You must be patient with her, girls. The wizards' are still out there. Roxy is inexperienced. She could end up in trouble. <hr width=80%> (''All seven Winx Club girls have transformed'') : '''Bloom:''' Wow, Roxy. You learn fast. <hr width=80%> : '''Animal Smuggler:''' Nice costumes! For Halloween! : '''Roxy:''' We are ''real'' fairies and you'll pay for taking all these innocent animals! ===The New Witch in Town=== <hr width70%> :'''Bloom:''' The size of the object you're levitating is not as powerful as how strong your actions are. :'''Roxy:''' Okay. I think I get it. :(''Manages to use her magic to telekinetically lift an ice cream stand'') :'''Bloom:''' That was great, Roxy. <hr width70%> ===The Virtual Hideout=== <hr width70%> :'''Roxy:''' How does it work? :'''Flora:''' Objects and places have memories, Roxy. With this spell, we can go back and relive them. :'''Bloom:''' We don't know what we're going to see. Are you sure you wanna do it? :'''Roxy:''' When Nebula used me to fight against the Wizards, I understood how the Earth fairies' suffered. :'''Bloom:''' You're more and more like me. You used to act instinctive, but now you know what you want. <hr width70%> :(''The seven Winx Club fairies see a vision hundreds of years ago, back when Earth was full of magic'') :'''Morgana:''' Here it is- the last White Circle. There are many paths to our world, but this Circle will the last hope for us fairies to escape from the human world and go back to our realm, the isle of Tir Nan Og. The gates are disappearing, destroyed by Ogron and the Dark Wizards. A Black Circle appears to combat the White Circle. Many of us fought against the Fairy Hunters. The White Circle is our salvation. No shadow will obscure its light. <hr width70%> :'''Roxy:''' That woman's voice is the same one who told me believe in myself because I'm the Fairy of Animals. :'''Tecna:''' You're also the last fairy of Earth, but somewhere beyond that gate there are other Earth fairies. :'''Layla:''' And we'll find them. We promise. <hr width70%> :'''Bloom:''' Roxy, what's wrong? Are you sick? :'''Roxy:''' Someone broke into your place and is threatening the pests. They're in danger. <hr width70%> ===Island Tricks=== * The Terrestrial fairies of Earth are finally released, but desire nothing more than bitter vengeance against the humans' who had stopped believing in them, therefore greatly weakening their powerful fairy magic, as well as the Fairy Hunters who imprisoned them. <hr width70%> : '''Flora:''' So the Wizards' defeated the Earth fairies and imprisoned them... : '''Musa:''' In their own realm. How horrible. : '''Roxy:''' All of this has to end! : '''Faragonda:''' Yes, Roxy. And your magic will be most fundamental for this mission. Use the White Circle. It will take you to Tir Nan Og, the main realm of the Earth fairies. <hr width80> : '''Roxy:''' I...know that I must save the Earth fairies. But I don't know how. <hr width70%> ===Diana's Attack=== : '''Diana:''' I am Diana, warrior Fairy of Nature. Our queen Morgana wants to know you better, Roxy. : '''Bloom:''' Your wasting your time! Roxy will never join you! : '''Diana:''' The last Earth fairy ''will'' join her sisters in the fight against Ogron and the humans! : '''Bloom:''' I understand your rage, but why must you destroy humans? They didn't imprison you, the fairy hunters did! : '''Diana:''' You dare defend Earth people!? They've been afflicting this world with wars and environmental catastrophes! They are guilty! Now they'll pay! <hr width80%/> :(''About the enlarged spider'') :'''Roxy:''' It's not my type of pet, but I may be able to establish contact. <hr width80%> : '''Faragonda:''' To go into Diana's kingdom of the Amazon, you must go beyond Believix. ===In the Amazon Forest=== *The Winx Club, minus Roxy, acquire a greater evolution, Sophix. Like Charmix, it can only be used for a brief period. <hr width70%> : '''Ethereal Fairies:''' We the ethereal fairies. We shall give you the gifts of destiny. They are an evolution of Believix. The first is Sophix, the gift of wisdom. Bloom you will have the gift of ''Inner Flame''. Stella, the ''Drop of Light'', Musa, ''Pure Harmony'', Tecna, ''Superior Order'', Flora the ''Breathe of Nature'', and Layla; the gift of ''Vital Beat''. : '''Nabu:''' Now you stronger than ever, Layla. <hr width70%> : '''Roxy:''' I want to go, too. : '''Bloom:''' Sorry, Roxy. But this mission is too dangerous for a fairy with no Believix powers. <hr width70%> :(''After evolving into her Sophix form'') : '''Bloom:''' ''Inner Flame''. This the flame of life; to never give and to be born again. : '''Stella:''' ''Drop of Light''. This the light of hope, which must never go out. : '''Musa:''' ''Pure Harmony''. : '''Warrior Fairy:''' These fairies! They are totally and completely in true with nature! : '''Warrior Fairy # 2:''' But, Diana says they're our enemies, so we better attack again! : '''Tecna:''' ''Superior Order''. This the gift of order, the substance of all living things. <hr width70%> :'''Amazon Warrior Fairy:''' These fairies- they are totally and completely in tune with nature. :'''2nd Amazon Fairy:''' But, Diana says they're our enemies, so we better attack again. <hr width70%> ===Diana's Redemption=== <hr width70%> :'''Diana:''' My strength! The heart of the forest is in danger. <hr width70%> ===The Fairy of Justice=== <hr width70%> ===Aurora's Tower=== *The Winx Club, excluding Roxy, acquire the gift of heart, Lovix. As with Charmix, it is a temporary evolution of a previous, less powerful fairy level. <hr width70%> : '''Morgana:''' Agreed. But...the youngest fairy, Roxy. No one is to touch a single hair on her head. <hr width70%> : '''Roxy:''' Look out! ''Enchanted Cloak''. :(''Creates an orbicular shield to defend Flora and Tecna'') <hr width=50%> :'''Roxy:''' ''Wolf Talon''. : (''Fires a wolf of pure mystical energy at the ice monster'') : '''Flora:''' Fierce, Roxy. <hr width=50%> : '''Musa:''' You're the animal expert. What do you think, Roxy? : '''Roxy:''' Slip lock spell. ''Wild Heartbeat''. (''Fires a beam of sea-green magic that makes polar bears fight the ice creatures''). That'll buy us some time. <hr width70%> : '''Morgana:''' Join me, Roxy. No one will ever hurt you. : '''Roxy:''' Thanks, Morgana. Stop! Do you know how close you came to hitting me!? : '''Arctic Fairy:''' Step backward! : '''Bloom:''' It's working, Roxy. whatever you're doing. : '''Roxy:''' Trust me. We need to combine our powers and nothing will happen to us. <hr width70%> : '''Aurora:''' In my hand is the Blizzard. In it, there is enough power to freeze the whole universe. But I sense that one of you holds a great power within. (''to Bloom''). Yes. You hold the formidable power of the Dragon Fire. I don't want an ice and fire fight. <hr width70%> ===Bloom's Challenge=== :'''Bloom:''' For some reason, Morgana seems to really care about Roxy. Roxy knows it too. During the fight, she noticed the fairies' were trying not to hit her. She used that to defend us. We need to find out the connection between Morgana and Roxy. :(''Roxy regains consciousness'') :'''Roxy:''' Hey, girls. What's going on? Maybe I don't want to know. :'''Flora:''' You were freezing to death, and Bloom managed to buy us time by challenging Nebula to a duel. :'''Roxy:''' What!? You really did that, Bloom? <hr width80%/> : '''Morgana:''' Why will you not join me, Roxy? I offered you so many chances to save yourself, but in order to do so you must leave the Winx. : '''Roxy:''' I will never leave my friends! I will share their destiny! : '''Morgana:''' I made sure nobody harmed you. : '''Roxy:''' Yes, and I took advantage of that to save the Winx! <hr width70%> : '''Nebula:''' We've been talking for too long! We must have our revenge on the wizards', even if it means destroying Sybila's cave!! <hr width80%/> :'''Aurora:''' Nebula is out of control! Stop her before she destroys my ice tower! <hr width80%> : '''Bloom:''' You're making a mistake! You can't solve anything with vengeance! : '''Nebula:''' What do you know about vengeance and hatred!? You have nothing to teach me, you naughty child!! Have you ever been locked for centuries in a prison, humiliated and beaten!? : '''Bloom:''' ''Ice Wall''. : '''Nebula:''' My revenge against the humans is even greater! They stopped believing in us and condemned us to Oblivion! <hr width=70%> : '''Bloom:''' ''That's enough, Nebula!'' : '''Nebula:''' I'm here, Bloom. I'm waiting for you. : '''Bloom:''' ''Dragon Fire''. <hr width=70%> : '''Musa:''' Bloom defeated Nebula. You have to respect the deal. :(''Bloom collapses from exhaustion'') : '''Flora:''' Oh no. Bloom! : '''Nebula:''' The fight drained all of her power. <hr width=80%> : '''Roxy:''' Morgana, Bloom did all this for me. If something happens to her, I would never forgive myself. : '''Morgana:''' And neither could I. Your friend won the challenge, and so we must respect the arrangement. <hr width70%> : '''Flora:''' We need to trust, Roxy. She's good and she learns quickly. : '''Tecna:''' You're right, Flora. <hr width70%> : '''Nebula:''' Come, young fairy! Show me how good you are. <hr width80%/> :'''Morgana:''' I command you to stop. Bloom fought fairly. We must keep our word. :'''Roxy:''' Morgana, now you must keep your word and stop your revenge against humans. :'''Morgana:''' I'll do as you say, Roxy. But only because you asked me to. ===The Wizards' Trap=== : '''Roxy:''' Stop! :(''Uses her abilities to calm the crows'') : '''Nebula:''' I guess you can't argue with the Fairy of Animals. <hr width80%> :'''Nabu:''' Duman, your powers are out of control right now. But I can help you recover from the aliment you've been. :'''Duman:''' Who said I want to recover? :'''Nabu:''' Your magic energy is out of control right now and soon it will burn out. :'''Duman:''' In a few hours, the whole world will be ours! It was into the Black Circle at once! :'''Sky:''' What are you talking about?! :'''Duman:''' The Black Circle. (snickers) When Morgana touches the ring, we will destroy all the fairies! :'''Helia:''' What about Ogron's promise? :'''Duman:''' Hahahaha! Ogron lied! :'''Brandon:''' We've gotta warn the girls! <hr width80%> : '''Ogron:''' The last fairy of Earth! We still have a bone to pick with each other, don't we, Roxy!? <hr width70%> : '''Flora:''' Surrender, wizards! This your last chance! : '''Anagan:''' The casnm will close until the last Earth fairy falls in its depths. <hr width80%> : '''Sky:''' Nabu, what are you doing!!? : '''Nabu:''' The cashn! I have to close it! : '''Riven:''' But there's not a magical object strong enough to hold it! : '''Nabu:''' My staff is magic object. : '''Layla:''' Roxy's White Circle! What about the White Circle!? : '''Nabu:''' It's also the key to the fairies' realm! You need to protect it! <hr width80%> :'''Nabu:''' ''[last words]'' I'll never leave you, Layla. Wherever you'll be, anytime, in any world, I'll always be with you. These eyes, Layla, mustn't cry. I love you. <hr width80%> : '''Bloom:''' Layla, the Black Gift! The last Gift of Destiny from the Ethereal Fairies! Now's the time to use it!/Now's the time to use its power! : '''Layla:''' Ethereal Fairies, I beg of you, please! Give me the spell of life! : ''[Ogron suddenly steals the gift]'' :'''Bloom:''' (gasps) OGRON! :'''Layla:''' Give it back to me, now! : '''Ogron:''' Oops, how careless of me./Oh, dear me. I wasted the Gift of Destiny to give back to life to this small flower./I wasted the gift of destiny on reviving this small flower. ===Morgana's Secret/Home at Last=== : '''Roxy:''' ''Scorpion's Tail''. : (''Uses the tail of a scorpion to swipe away the warrior fairies' weapons'') <hr width70%> : '''Layla:''' So, I see it didn't take you long to replace me! : '''Roxy:''' You surprised us before when we weren't ready, but we are not going to let that happen again! : (''emits a sea-green beam of mystic energy'') <hr width80%> : '''Roxy:''' ''Wolf Talon.'' : '''Bloom:''' Nice one, Roxy. <hr width70%> :'''Nebula:''' Layla follow us, the time has come to open the doors of the magic universe. The Omega Dimension awaits us! :'''Bloom:''' Don't do it! Please Layla, don't go! You're not like them! :'''Layla:''' The girl you knew is broken, just like the flower Ogron gave me. All I want to do is give him back his gift. :'''Nebula:''' Farewell, Winx! :(Warrior fairies disappear) :'''Bloom:''' NO!!! <hr width70%> : '''Morgana:''' Even though Nebula has taken my place, that does not make a queen. After me, the throne goes to the Princess of Tir Nan Og- my daughter. You can rescue me, Roxy. : '''Roxy:''' Me? You...you're my mother? : '''Morgana:''' Roxy, I have waited so long. : '''Roxy:''' I- I thought you were... : '''Morgana:''' I'm here. I'm alive. And you're ready to accept all of this. You the last Earth fairy, the last hope for us all. Thanks to your friends, you found us and you found yourself. <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' But, Gantlos has disappeared. : '''Roxy:''' Don't worry. I know how to find him. : (''Creates a bird of prey out of ice'') :'''Roxy:''' ''Ice Raptor'', find Ganthos' tracks. ===Duel in the Omega Dimension=== *This is the Season 4 finale, followed by the second 3D movie, ''[[w:Winx Club 3D: Magical Adventure|Magical Adventure]]'' <hr width70%> :'''Roxy:''' What a creepy place. :'''Tecna:''' This is were they exile the most dangerous criminals in the universe. :'''Stella:''' But, don't worry. These ice blocks are pretty secure. :'''Roxy:''' "Pretty secure"? You're always so comforting Stella. <hr width70%> : '''Ogron:''' You want to avenge Nabu, but you're too weak to do it. <hr width70%> :'''Anigan:''' Let's surrender, Ogron! :'''Orgon:''' ''Never!'' <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' Nebula. : '''Nebula:''' I'll stay here. : '''Bloom:''' No, Nebula! : '''Nebula:''' I left the light for the dark side, so I should stay. : '''Bloom:''' No, that's not true. You always have light inside you. It's a part of you. Come on and start over. <hr width=80%> : '''Morgana:''' Earth fairies, release your magic into the human world and make a better place. [[Category:Winx Club seasons]] jokg34mpslms3f586rmcoro618de397 3778994 3778979 2025-07-15T02:33:29Z 2601:84:C903:B4E0:CCD7:7A38:B89E:B671 /* Duel in the Omega Dimension */ 3778994 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Seasons:''' [[Winx Club (season 1)|1]] [[Winx Club (season 2)|2]] [[Winx Club (season 3)|3]] [[Winx Club (season 4)|4]] [[Winx Club (season 5)|5]] [[Winx Club (season 6)|6]] [[Winx Club (season 7)|7]] | [[Winx Club|Main]] ---- '''''[[w:Winx Club|Winx Club]]''''' is an animated television series created by [[w:Iginio Straffi|Iginio Straffi]] and animated by [[w:Rainbow (company)|Rainbow SpA]], in co-production with [[w:Nickelodeon|Nickelodeon]] (Seasons 5 and 6) and [[w:Rai Fiction|Rai Fiction]]. ===The Fairy Hunters/The Wizards of the Black Circle=== : '''Bloom''': Ah, a new year has started at Alfea! : '''Flora''': The first year without us, Bloom! : '''Layla''': All those memories... : '''Tecna''': It's a strange feeling going back to school when being on the other side of the desk. : '''Stella''': Yeah, the right side. No more oral presentations, no more tests to pass or homework to do, because, this time, we’re the teachers, right? ---- : '''Ogron:''' It may come as a surprise to you, Bloom, but the wizards of the Black Circle are immune to fairy magic. :(''Bloom strengthens her spell'') : '''Bloom:''' ''Dragon Energy''. <hr width70%> : '''Ogron:''' The last fairy of the Earth is finally ours! : '''Anagan:''' Ogron, what's happening? : '''Ogron:''' The circle has rejected her. She is not the fairy we are looking for. ===The Tree of Life/Fear in Pixie Village=== *Bloom is now capable of using her fairy dust to miniaturize, which is due to her Enchantix finally being completed since rescuing her whole home world and people from eternal frost, in ''The Secret of the Lost Kingdom'' movie. <hr width70%> :'''Flora:''' Gardenia. She's in Gardenia. :'''Bloom:''' The last Earth fairy was born in my hometown? ===The Last Fairy on Earth/Winx on Earth=== * The original Italian title is "The Last Fairy of Earth." *Roxy, the last terrestrial fairy of Earth, debuts, though as a cameo. <hr width70%> ===Love and Pet/Magic Pets=== :'''Ogron:''' Gardenia. Why did the last fairy of Earth have to be in this lame town? Must have been difficult for such a powerful creature to live among all this...Mediocrity. The sooner we find her, the sooner we can leave this depressing excuse for a city. <hr width70%> :'''Faragonda:''' And what about the second part of your mission? Is there any sign of the last fairy? :'''Tecna:''' Not yet, but we are looking. :'''Faragonda:''' Remember how crucial this part of the mission is. If the last Earth fairy falls into the hands of the Wizards of the Black Circle, they will be the most powerful wizards in all the dimensions. And their darkness will make unbearable for mankind. <hr width70%> :'''Ogron:''' ''Tell me right now!! Where is the last Earth fairy!!? Star talking!'' :'''Stella:''' ''Ocean of Light.'' :'''Bloom:''' Stella no! :'''Ogron:''' Attack me all you want. All it does is make me stronger and more powerful. Here's your ''Ocean of Light'' right back at you. <hr width70%> ===Mitzi's Present/Ogron's Spell=== :'''Flora:''' I love Earth, but it has a lot of problems. :'''Musa:''' I wonder what it was like the fairies' ruled it. :'''Bloom:''' I don't know, but since they disappeared there's a total lack of harmony. <hr width70%> :'''Bloom''': Sky! What are you doing here? :'''Sky''': Eh... ehm-ehm... we just... well you know, we missed you guys so eh... surprise! :'''Bloom''': Sky! :'''Sky''': What, aren't you happy to see us? :'''Bloom''': Stop it, I know what's going on. :'''Sky''': Okay Bloom, listen. I know you're not gonna like this, but you guys are gonna need all the help you can get if you're taking on the Wizards of the Black Circle! :'''Bloom''': Sky, you just don't think that we can handle them, do you? Well for your information, this is our mission and we were doing just fine. :'''Riven''':Yeah right! ''[gestures to the destroyed park]'' :'''Bloom''': Sky we appreciate what your doing but if you don't trust us knows the time to tell us? :'''Riven''': We trust you too much! Who were those guys at the club!? :'''Musa''':Riven? :'''Bloom''':What are you talking about? :'''Sky''':Come on Bloom! Don't tell me your denying it? That Andy guy! :'''Bloom''': ''What!?'' You been ''spying'' on us!? :'''Sky''':Well, we.. a uh... :'''Bloom''': I can't believe you'd do this! I thought you knew me better then that! What's worse is I thought I knew ''you!'' :'''Sky''': Bloom if you just let me explain. :'''Riven''': Awe, let them go. Tomorrow they'll have forgotten all about it. :'''Sky''': Riven, please just stop talking! <hr width80%> === A Fairy in Danger/A Fairy Found=== * The last terrestrial fairy of Earth is revealed- [[w:Roxy (Winx Club)|Roxy]], Fairy of Animals. *Enchantix is seen for the final time, evolved into Believix. <hr width70%> :(''[[w:Roxy (Winx Club)|Roxy]] comforts her pet dog Artu'') :'''Bloom:''' She's giving off magic energy. Can you feel it? :'''Flora:''' It's the same one we felt since we first arrived in Gardenia. :'''Tecna:''' So it must have come from her, bot Ogron and his wizards. :'''Stella:''' So she must be... :'''Bloom:''' The last fairy of Earth. <hr width70%> : '''Ogron:''' I heard those girls say you are the one- a fairy! : '''Roxy:''' Not this again. : '''Ogron:''' It's true! You ''are'' the destined one! Now, wizards, open the portal! : '''Roxy:''' NO!! Help!! : '''Ogron:''' Yes! We finally have her! The Black Circle shall consume your powers and our mission will be complete!! <hr width70%> :''[Upon seeing the Winx Club transform off-screen]'' :'''Ogron''': It's the same old [[song]] and [[dance]] with them. :'''Gantlos''': Speak for yourself, Ogron, I kinda like it. : '''Stella:''' It's nice to have such big fans. ''Ocean of Light''. : '''Bloom:''' Roxy, take cover and don't move! ''Dragon Fury''. <hr width70%> :'''Ogron''': You led us to Roxy, so we are in your debt. For that, we'll let you live. Humiliated, defenseless and on your knees, but alive. <hr width=70%> :'''Roxy''': This is crazy, I must be seeing things. I'm ''not'' a fairy. Fairies don't exist! There's no such thing. Oh fairies don't exist. They don't exist! I can't be a fairy! :'''Ogron''': Oh yes Roxy. Fairies indeed exist and you're one of them. There's no need to cry. :'''Roxy''': Girls, please help me! You're the only ones who can save me! :'''Bloom''': Roxy, open your heart! :'''Anagan''': I don't think they heard you. :'''Roxy''': Fairies, I need you. :'''Ogron''': Ah, so now you believe in fairies. :'''Bloom''': Well done Roxy, this is exactly what you have to do. Keep going. Have faith, Roxy! :'''Roxy''': Yes... I believe! I believe in fairies! And I hope they wipe those smirks off your ugly faces! :'''Bloom''': This is it... The Believix energy! Feel the energy, girls, feel it! :'''Ogron''': That's enough! Wizards of the Black Circle, the portal! <hr width=50%> (''All six Winx Club fairies have achieved their Believix forms'') : '''Bloom:''' Thank you. Your belief in us transformed us into Believix Fairies. We are so much stronger now, right, Winx? :'''Layla:''' Let the battle begin. ===Winx Believix/I Believe In You=== :'''Bloom''': I can't believe we reached the Believix level! :'''Flora''': It was like all the forces of nature united in one single moment! :'''Stella''': Check out the clothes! They're amazing! <hr width70%> : '''Stella:''' ''Double Eclipse''. Uh, did you read the chapter about my powers? : '''Musa:''' No. But I know my by heart. ''Stereo Clash''. <hr width70%> : '''Roxy:''' These girls are risking their lives for me. I just wish I was as brave as them. : '''Morgana:''' Roxy. Roxy. : '''Roxy:''' Who are you? : '''Morgana:''' I will guide you. Remember you are a fairy, the Fairy of Animals. Do not be afraid. Fight! <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' We must combine our attack spells in a magic convergence. ''Fire Arrow''. : '''Stella:''' ''Sun Dance''. : '''Musa:''' ''Harmonic Attack''. : '''Tecna:''' ''Megawatt''. : '''Layla:''' ''Morfix Wave''. : '''Flora:''' ''Autumn Wind''. <hr width70%> :'''Roxy:''' I'm scared. Scared of being...a fairy. :'''Morgana's Voice:''' But you don't have to be afraid. You are the last fairy of Earth, Fairy of Animals. And the animals will help you if you let them. :'''Roxy:''' Who are you? :'''Morgana:''' You will find out soon enough. You believed in the Winx, now you must believe in yourself, just as I believe in you. <hr width70%> :'''Morgana's Voice:''' You are a fairy, Roxy, and I believe in you. :'''Roxy:''' Yes! I ''am'' a fairy, the Fairy of Animals! <hr width70%> :'''Bloom:''' We have found the last Earth fairy, Headmistress. Her name is Roxy. :'''Faragonda:''' Excellent work, Girls, but your mission is no yet complete. :'''Tecna:''' The Wizards' are still strong. Even the Believix power is useless against them. :'''Faragonda:''' That is because you have yet to reach your full potential. Did you know there are three types of wings, each with its own special power? :'''Winx Club:''' Oooh. :'''Faragonda:''' Yes. There is "Speedix" which allows you to fly faster, "Zoomix" which enables you to teleport over long distances, and "Tracix" which lets you see into the past. <hr width70%> ===Hidden in the Country=== *Believix Fairies are able to use their fairy dust to miniaturize, as with Enchantix. <hr width70%> : '''Roxy:''' I know what to do! No more running away! Creatures of the sky and forest, come to me! Come to me now! : '''Ogron:''' When she has possession of the White Circle, that girl is too strong! ===Nebula's White Circle=== <hr width70%> : '''Nebula:''' Never! This white Circle belongs to Nebula! Now and forever!! : '''Stella:''' Nebula. I heard that name before from the Book of Fairies. :'''Tecna:''' Yes. A very powerful warrior-fairy who faced Orgon and his wizards. <hr width70%> :'''Bloom:''' Let's use our shields. We have to separate Roxy from the negative energy controlling her. ''Flaming Armor.'' :'''Stella:''' ''Sirius Shield.'' :'''Musa:''' ''Sonic screen.'' :'''Tecna:''' ''Defender Plate'' :'''Flora:''' ''Summer Thunder'' :'''Layla:''' ''Plasma Wall.'' <hr width70%> ===The Audition=== ===Superheroes=== * Roxy's inherent magical abilities as Fairy of Animals gradually begin to develop when she is able to give Artu the ability of human speech. <hr width70%> : '''Roxy:''' Go, Winx! I want to be like them! I want to use my powers to help people. <hr width70%> : '''Roxy:''' Bloom, I did it! : '''Artu:''' Hello, Bloom. : '''Bloom:''' Roxy, you managed to use your magic. : '''Roxy:''' Yeah. But it's it's only temporary. ===The Pets' Pursuit=== * [[w:Roxy (Winx Club)|Roxy]] finally achieves her standard Winx/Fairy form by tapping into her inherent magical powers due to her rage and sorrow. <hr width70%> : '''Ganthos:''' What are you sobbing about? It's just a dog. : '''Roxy''' (''furious'')''':''' What!!? Just a dog!? ''Just a dog!?'' :(''Her fury enables her to tap into her exceptionally strong magical powers and transform into her standard Winx/Fairy form for the first time'') : '''Klaus:''' Wait! This...this is impossible. : '''Roxy:''' You're gonna pay for that, you monster!! I did it! I managed to transform into a fairy. Dad! Artu! Don't worry. I can help you now. : '''Ganthos:''' Nice, little one. But now what are you planning on doing? : '''Roxy:''' My attack magic is weak compared to the wizard's. But maybe there is something...I'm the Fairy of Animals. <hr width80%/> : '''Bloom:''' I'll finish them off with...Wait! I'm sensing something. : '''Flora:''' Yes, I feel it too. Roxy's magic trail. It's much stronger than before. <hr width80%> : '''Bloom:''' Roxy, you managed to transform into a fairy. : '''Roxy:''' Yes, I did. I...Oh, Artu. Artu, answer me! Oh, Artu! ===Roxy's Energy=== *The adult fairy who appears in Roxy's visions is revealed to be Morgana, Queen of the terrestrial fairies. <hr width70%> :'''Bloom''': Roxy, listen. :'''Roxy:''' Leave me alone!! If I hadn't met all of you, this never would have happened!! I don't want be a fairy! Why me!? I didn't ask for this. :'''Bloom:''' I know how you feel, Roxy, believe me. But you must move forward. A fairy lives for others, never for herself. :'''Layla:''' Not now. She's too upset, Bloom. :'''Stella:''' Stay with her. We'll handle the Fairy Hunters. <hr width80%/> : '''Bloom:''' Roxy, you...you are our last hope now. Here. Take it. : '''Roxy:''' No! I don't want the negative energy of the White Circle to control me again. : '''Bloom:''' If it falls into Ogron's hands, it will be the end for us all. : '''Roxy:''' I can't, Bloom. : '''Bloom:''' Please...I can't...I can't protect it any longer. : '''Roxy:''' Bloom! : '''Ogron:''' Ha! She fainted. <hr width80> : '''Morgana:''' We are what we are. You are a fairy, remember that- the Fairy of Animals. And the White Circle is a very powerful weapon, Roxy. Do not be frightened. Use it. Fight. <hr width70%> : '''Ogron:''' You wouldn't dare! (''Roxy emits a sea-green beam of mystical energy at him'') : '''Ogron:''' Foolish, girl! You just condemned Gardenia to it's destruction! :(''Blasts Roxy backward'') : '''Morgana:''' Get up, Roxy. You have great power. The energy of [[Earth]] is in you. Use it properly. <hr width80> :'''Bloom:''' That's the power of Believix. The people of Earth believe in fairies again, and that is our strength. ''Dragon Heart.'' ===Bringing Magic Back=== :'''Roxy''' (''thinking'')''':''' ''They're fairies but they manage to live their lives like regular girls. I wonder I'll be able to do that, too.'' :'''Bloom''' (''conversing telepathically'')''':''' ''I know how you feel, Roxy. Believe me, I understand.'' <hr width70%> : '''Faragonda''' It is good to see you, Roxy, even though it is from a distance. I'm sure the Winx have told you all about the Magix dimension, where fairies like you study at Alfea College. It will take much training, three intense years. : '''Roxy:''' Wait! What!!? There's no way I'm going to a school in another dimension! My life is here in Gardenia! <hr width=80%> : '''Faragonda:''' You must be patient with her, girls. The wizards' are still out there. Roxy is inexperienced. She could end up in trouble. <hr width=80%> (''All seven Winx Club girls have transformed'') : '''Bloom:''' Wow, Roxy. You learn fast. <hr width=80%> : '''Animal Smuggler:''' Nice costumes! For Halloween! : '''Roxy:''' We are ''real'' fairies and you'll pay for taking all these innocent animals! ===The New Witch in Town=== <hr width70%> :'''Bloom:''' The size of the object you're levitating is not as powerful as how strong your actions are. :'''Roxy:''' Okay. I think I get it. :(''Manages to use her magic to telekinetically lift an ice cream stand'') :'''Bloom:''' That was great, Roxy. <hr width70%> ===The Virtual Hideout=== <hr width70%> :'''Roxy:''' How does it work? :'''Flora:''' Objects and places have memories, Roxy. With this spell, we can go back and relive them. :'''Bloom:''' We don't know what we're going to see. Are you sure you wanna do it? :'''Roxy:''' When Nebula used me to fight against the Wizards, I understood how the Earth fairies' suffered. :'''Bloom:''' You're more and more like me. You used to act instinctive, but now you know what you want. <hr width70%> :(''The seven Winx Club fairies see a vision hundreds of years ago, back when Earth was full of magic'') :'''Morgana:''' Here it is- the last White Circle. There are many paths to our world, but this Circle will the last hope for us fairies to escape from the human world and go back to our realm, the isle of Tir Nan Og. The gates are disappearing, destroyed by Ogron and the Dark Wizards. A Black Circle appears to combat the White Circle. Many of us fought against the Fairy Hunters. The White Circle is our salvation. No shadow will obscure its light. <hr width70%> :'''Roxy:''' That woman's voice is the same one who told me believe in myself because I'm the Fairy of Animals. :'''Tecna:''' You're also the last fairy of Earth, but somewhere beyond that gate there are other Earth fairies. :'''Layla:''' And we'll find them. We promise. <hr width70%> :'''Bloom:''' Roxy, what's wrong? Are you sick? :'''Roxy:''' Someone broke into your place and is threatening the pests. They're in danger. <hr width70%> ===Island Tricks=== * The Terrestrial fairies of Earth are finally released, but desire nothing more than bitter vengeance against the humans' who had stopped believing in them, therefore greatly weakening their powerful fairy magic, as well as the Fairy Hunters who imprisoned them. <hr width70%> : '''Flora:''' So the Wizards' defeated the Earth fairies and imprisoned them... : '''Musa:''' In their own realm. How horrible. : '''Roxy:''' All of this has to end! : '''Faragonda:''' Yes, Roxy. And your magic will be most fundamental for this mission. Use the White Circle. It will take you to Tir Nan Og, the main realm of the Earth fairies. <hr width80> : '''Roxy:''' I...know that I must save the Earth fairies. But I don't know how. <hr width70%> ===Diana's Attack=== : '''Diana:''' I am Diana, warrior Fairy of Nature. Our queen Morgana wants to know you better, Roxy. : '''Bloom:''' Your wasting your time! Roxy will never join you! : '''Diana:''' The last Earth fairy ''will'' join her sisters in the fight against Ogron and the humans! : '''Bloom:''' I understand your rage, but why must you destroy humans? They didn't imprison you, the fairy hunters did! : '''Diana:''' You dare defend Earth people!? They've been afflicting this world with wars and environmental catastrophes! They are guilty! Now they'll pay! <hr width80%/> :(''About the enlarged spider'') :'''Roxy:''' It's not my type of pet, but I may be able to establish contact. <hr width80%> : '''Faragonda:''' To go into Diana's kingdom of the Amazon, you must go beyond Believix. ===In the Amazon Forest=== *The Winx Club, minus Roxy, acquire a greater evolution, Sophix. Like Charmix, it can only be used for a brief period. <hr width70%> : '''Ethereal Fairies:''' We the ethereal fairies. We shall give you the gifts of destiny. They are an evolution of Believix. The first is Sophix, the gift of wisdom. Bloom you will have the gift of ''Inner Flame''. Stella, the ''Drop of Light'', Musa, ''Pure Harmony'', Tecna, ''Superior Order'', Flora the ''Breathe of Nature'', and Layla; the gift of ''Vital Beat''. : '''Nabu:''' Now you stronger than ever, Layla. <hr width70%> : '''Roxy:''' I want to go, too. : '''Bloom:''' Sorry, Roxy. But this mission is too dangerous for a fairy with no Believix powers. <hr width70%> :(''After evolving into her Sophix form'') : '''Bloom:''' ''Inner Flame''. This the flame of life; to never give and to be born again. : '''Stella:''' ''Drop of Light''. This the light of hope, which must never go out. : '''Musa:''' ''Pure Harmony''. : '''Warrior Fairy:''' These fairies! They are totally and completely in true with nature! : '''Warrior Fairy # 2:''' But, Diana says they're our enemies, so we better attack again! : '''Tecna:''' ''Superior Order''. This the gift of order, the substance of all living things. <hr width70%> :'''Amazon Warrior Fairy:''' These fairies- they are totally and completely in tune with nature. :'''2nd Amazon Fairy:''' But, Diana says they're our enemies, so we better attack again. <hr width70%> ===Diana's Redemption=== <hr width70%> :'''Diana:''' My strength! The heart of the forest is in danger. <hr width70%> ===The Fairy of Justice=== <hr width70%> ===Aurora's Tower=== *The Winx Club, excluding Roxy, acquire the gift of heart, Lovix. As with Charmix, it is a temporary evolution of a previous, less powerful fairy level. <hr width70%> : '''Morgana:''' Agreed. But...the youngest fairy, Roxy. No one is to touch a single hair on her head. <hr width70%> : '''Roxy:''' Look out! ''Enchanted Cloak''. :(''Creates an orbicular shield to defend Flora and Tecna'') <hr width=50%> :'''Roxy:''' ''Wolf Talon''. : (''Fires a wolf of pure mystical energy at the ice monster'') : '''Flora:''' Fierce, Roxy. <hr width=50%> : '''Musa:''' You're the animal expert. What do you think, Roxy? : '''Roxy:''' Slip lock spell. ''Wild Heartbeat''. (''Fires a beam of sea-green magic that makes polar bears fight the ice creatures''). That'll buy us some time. <hr width70%> : '''Morgana:''' Join me, Roxy. No one will ever hurt you. : '''Roxy:''' Thanks, Morgana. Stop! Do you know how close you came to hitting me!? : '''Arctic Fairy:''' Step backward! : '''Bloom:''' It's working, Roxy. whatever you're doing. : '''Roxy:''' Trust me. We need to combine our powers and nothing will happen to us. <hr width70%> : '''Aurora:''' In my hand is the Blizzard. In it, there is enough power to freeze the whole universe. But I sense that one of you holds a great power within. (''to Bloom''). Yes. You hold the formidable power of the Dragon Fire. I don't want an ice and fire fight. <hr width70%> ===Bloom's Challenge=== :'''Bloom:''' For some reason, Morgana seems to really care about Roxy. Roxy knows it too. During the fight, she noticed the fairies' were trying not to hit her. She used that to defend us. We need to find out the connection between Morgana and Roxy. :(''Roxy regains consciousness'') :'''Roxy:''' Hey, girls. What's going on? Maybe I don't want to know. :'''Flora:''' You were freezing to death, and Bloom managed to buy us time by challenging Nebula to a duel. :'''Roxy:''' What!? You really did that, Bloom? <hr width80%/> : '''Morgana:''' Why will you not join me, Roxy? I offered you so many chances to save yourself, but in order to do so you must leave the Winx. : '''Roxy:''' I will never leave my friends! I will share their destiny! : '''Morgana:''' I made sure nobody harmed you. : '''Roxy:''' Yes, and I took advantage of that to save the Winx! <hr width70%> : '''Nebula:''' We've been talking for too long! We must have our revenge on the wizards', even if it means destroying Sybila's cave!! <hr width80%/> :'''Aurora:''' Nebula is out of control! Stop her before she destroys my ice tower! <hr width80%> : '''Bloom:''' You're making a mistake! You can't solve anything with vengeance! : '''Nebula:''' What do you know about vengeance and hatred!? You have nothing to teach me, you naughty child!! Have you ever been locked for centuries in a prison, humiliated and beaten!? : '''Bloom:''' ''Ice Wall''. : '''Nebula:''' My revenge against the humans is even greater! They stopped believing in us and condemned us to Oblivion! <hr width=70%> : '''Bloom:''' ''That's enough, Nebula!'' : '''Nebula:''' I'm here, Bloom. I'm waiting for you. : '''Bloom:''' ''Dragon Fire''. <hr width=70%> : '''Musa:''' Bloom defeated Nebula. You have to respect the deal. :(''Bloom collapses from exhaustion'') : '''Flora:''' Oh no. Bloom! : '''Nebula:''' The fight drained all of her power. <hr width=80%> : '''Roxy:''' Morgana, Bloom did all this for me. If something happens to her, I would never forgive myself. : '''Morgana:''' And neither could I. Your friend won the challenge, and so we must respect the arrangement. <hr width70%> : '''Flora:''' We need to trust, Roxy. She's good and she learns quickly. : '''Tecna:''' You're right, Flora. <hr width70%> : '''Nebula:''' Come, young fairy! Show me how good you are. <hr width80%/> :'''Morgana:''' I command you to stop. Bloom fought fairly. We must keep our word. :'''Roxy:''' Morgana, now you must keep your word and stop your revenge against humans. :'''Morgana:''' I'll do as you say, Roxy. But only because you asked me to. ===The Wizards' Trap=== : '''Roxy:''' Stop! :(''Uses her abilities to calm the crows'') : '''Nebula:''' I guess you can't argue with the Fairy of Animals. <hr width80%> :'''Nabu:''' Duman, your powers are out of control right now. But I can help you recover from the aliment you've been. :'''Duman:''' Who said I want to recover? :'''Nabu:''' Your magic energy is out of control right now and soon it will burn out. :'''Duman:''' In a few hours, the whole world will be ours! It was into the Black Circle at once! :'''Sky:''' What are you talking about?! :'''Duman:''' The Black Circle. (snickers) When Morgana touches the ring, we will destroy all the fairies! :'''Helia:''' What about Ogron's promise? :'''Duman:''' Hahahaha! Ogron lied! :'''Brandon:''' We've gotta warn the girls! <hr width80%> : '''Ogron:''' The last fairy of Earth! We still have a bone to pick with each other, don't we, Roxy!? <hr width70%> : '''Flora:''' Surrender, wizards! This your last chance! : '''Anagan:''' The casnm will close until the last Earth fairy falls in its depths. <hr width80%> : '''Sky:''' Nabu, what are you doing!!? : '''Nabu:''' The cashn! I have to close it! : '''Riven:''' But there's not a magical object strong enough to hold it! : '''Nabu:''' My staff is magic object. : '''Layla:''' Roxy's White Circle! What about the White Circle!? : '''Nabu:''' It's also the key to the fairies' realm! You need to protect it! <hr width80%> :'''Nabu:''' ''[last words]'' I'll never leave you, Layla. Wherever you'll be, anytime, in any world, I'll always be with you. These eyes, Layla, mustn't cry. I love you. <hr width80%> : '''Bloom:''' Layla, the Black Gift! The last Gift of Destiny from the Ethereal Fairies! Now's the time to use it!/Now's the time to use its power! : '''Layla:''' Ethereal Fairies, I beg of you, please! Give me the spell of life! : ''[Ogron suddenly steals the gift]'' :'''Bloom:''' (gasps) OGRON! :'''Layla:''' Give it back to me, now! : '''Ogron:''' Oops, how careless of me./Oh, dear me. I wasted the Gift of Destiny to give back to life to this small flower./I wasted the gift of destiny on reviving this small flower. ===Morgana's Secret/Home at Last=== : '''Roxy:''' ''Scorpion's Tail''. : (''Uses the tail of a scorpion to swipe away the warrior fairies' weapons'') <hr width70%> : '''Layla:''' So, I see it didn't take you long to replace me! : '''Roxy:''' You surprised us before when we weren't ready, but we are not going to let that happen again! : (''emits a sea-green beam of mystic energy'') <hr width80%> : '''Roxy:''' ''Wolf Talon.'' : '''Bloom:''' Nice one, Roxy. <hr width70%> :'''Nebula:''' Layla follow us, the time has come to open the doors of the magic universe. The Omega Dimension awaits us! :'''Bloom:''' Don't do it! Please Layla, don't go! You're not like them! :'''Layla:''' The girl you knew is broken, just like the flower Ogron gave me. All I want to do is give him back his gift. :'''Nebula:''' Farewell, Winx! :(Warrior fairies disappear) :'''Bloom:''' NO!!! <hr width70%> : '''Morgana:''' Even though Nebula has taken my place, that does not make a queen. After me, the throne goes to the Princess of Tir Nan Og- my daughter. You can rescue me, Roxy. : '''Roxy:''' Me? You...you're my mother? : '''Morgana:''' Roxy, I have waited so long. : '''Roxy:''' I- I thought you were... : '''Morgana:''' I'm here. I'm alive. And you're ready to accept all of this. You the last Earth fairy, the last hope for us all. Thanks to your friends, you found us and you found yourself. <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' But, Gantlos has disappeared. : '''Roxy:''' Don't worry. I know how to find him. : (''Creates a bird of prey out of ice'') :'''Roxy:''' ''Ice Raptor'', find Ganthos' tracks. ===Ice and Fire/Duel in the Omega Dimension=== *This is the Season 4 finale, followed by the second 3D movie, ''[[w:Winx Club 3D: Magical Adventure|Magical Adventure]]'' <hr width70%> :'''Roxy:''' What a creepy place. :'''Tecna:''' This is were they exile the most dangerous criminals in the universe. :'''Stella:''' But, don't worry. These ice blocks are pretty secure. :'''Roxy:''' "Pretty secure"? You're always so comforting Stella. <hr width70%> : '''Ogron:''' You want to avenge Nabu, but you're too weak to do it. <hr width70%> :'''Anigan:''' Let's surrender, Ogron! :'''Orgon:''' ''Never!'' <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' Nebula. : '''Nebula:''' I'll stay here. : '''Bloom:''' No, Nebula! : '''Nebula:''' I left the light for the dark side, so I should stay. : '''Bloom:''' No, that's not true. You always have light inside you. It's a part of you. Come on and start over. <hr width=80%> : '''Morgana:''' Earth fairies, release your magic into the human world and make a better place. ==Cast== ===Cinélume=== *Angela Galuppo as Bloom *Jennifer Seguin as Stella *Holly Gauthier-Frankel as Flora *Anik Matern as Musa *Jodie Resther as Tecna *Lucinda Davis as Layla *Sara Camacho as Roxy *Danny Brochu as Sky *Mark Hauser as Brandon *Martin Watier as Helia *Michael Yarmush as Timmy *Mitchell Rothpan as Riven *Terence Scammel as Ogron *Simon Peacock as Duman *Thor Bishopric as Anagan *Mark Camacho as Gantlos *Susan Glover as Nebula ==Atlas Oceanic== ===Cinélume=== *Molly C. Quinn as Bloom *Amy Gross as Stella *Alejandra Reynoso as Flora *Romi Dames as Musa *Morgan Deckner as Tecna *Keke Palmer as Layla *Liliana Mumy as Roxy *Matt Shively as Sky *Adam Gregory as Brandon *David Faustino as Helia *Charlie Schlatter as Timmy, Duman, Jason Queen *Sam Riegel as Riven *Will Blagrove as Nabu *Kari Wahlgren as Faragonda, Narrator *Yuri Lowenthal as Ogron *Bumper Robinson as Anagan *Josh Keaton as Gantlos *Mindy Sterling as Morgana *Karen Strassman as Nebula, Green Ethereal Fairy *April Stewart as Vanessa, Blue Ethereal Fairy *Grey DeLisle as Yellow Ethereal Fairy *Tara Strong as Diana *Megan Goldsmith as Aurora, Clarice *Sirena Irwin as Sibylla *Daniella Monet as Mitzi *Jennifer Hale as Sally *Melissa Greenspan as Darma *Saige Ryan Campbell as Alice [[Category:Winx Club seasons]] 8dgitaj9jy3zis9epc7f6r34ydsifx0 3778996 3778994 2025-07-15T02:33:54Z 2601:84:C903:B4E0:CCD7:7A38:B89E:B671 /* Atlas Oceanic */ 3778996 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Seasons:''' [[Winx Club (season 1)|1]] [[Winx Club (season 2)|2]] [[Winx Club (season 3)|3]] [[Winx Club (season 4)|4]] [[Winx Club (season 5)|5]] [[Winx Club (season 6)|6]] [[Winx Club (season 7)|7]] | [[Winx Club|Main]] ---- '''''[[w:Winx Club|Winx Club]]''''' is an animated television series created by [[w:Iginio Straffi|Iginio Straffi]] and animated by [[w:Rainbow (company)|Rainbow SpA]], in co-production with [[w:Nickelodeon|Nickelodeon]] (Seasons 5 and 6) and [[w:Rai Fiction|Rai Fiction]]. ===The Fairy Hunters/The Wizards of the Black Circle=== : '''Bloom''': Ah, a new year has started at Alfea! : '''Flora''': The first year without us, Bloom! : '''Layla''': All those memories... : '''Tecna''': It's a strange feeling going back to school when being on the other side of the desk. : '''Stella''': Yeah, the right side. No more oral presentations, no more tests to pass or homework to do, because, this time, we’re the teachers, right? ---- : '''Ogron:''' It may come as a surprise to you, Bloom, but the wizards of the Black Circle are immune to fairy magic. :(''Bloom strengthens her spell'') : '''Bloom:''' ''Dragon Energy''. <hr width70%> : '''Ogron:''' The last fairy of the Earth is finally ours! : '''Anagan:''' Ogron, what's happening? : '''Ogron:''' The circle has rejected her. She is not the fairy we are looking for. ===The Tree of Life/Fear in Pixie Village=== *Bloom is now capable of using her fairy dust to miniaturize, which is due to her Enchantix finally being completed since rescuing her whole home world and people from eternal frost, in ''The Secret of the Lost Kingdom'' movie. <hr width70%> :'''Flora:''' Gardenia. She's in Gardenia. :'''Bloom:''' The last Earth fairy was born in my hometown? ===The Last Fairy on Earth/Winx on Earth=== * The original Italian title is "The Last Fairy of Earth." *Roxy, the last terrestrial fairy of Earth, debuts, though as a cameo. <hr width70%> ===Love and Pet/Magic Pets=== :'''Ogron:''' Gardenia. Why did the last fairy of Earth have to be in this lame town? Must have been difficult for such a powerful creature to live among all this...Mediocrity. The sooner we find her, the sooner we can leave this depressing excuse for a city. <hr width70%> :'''Faragonda:''' And what about the second part of your mission? Is there any sign of the last fairy? :'''Tecna:''' Not yet, but we are looking. :'''Faragonda:''' Remember how crucial this part of the mission is. If the last Earth fairy falls into the hands of the Wizards of the Black Circle, they will be the most powerful wizards in all the dimensions. And their darkness will make unbearable for mankind. <hr width70%> :'''Ogron:''' ''Tell me right now!! Where is the last Earth fairy!!? Star talking!'' :'''Stella:''' ''Ocean of Light.'' :'''Bloom:''' Stella no! :'''Ogron:''' Attack me all you want. All it does is make me stronger and more powerful. Here's your ''Ocean of Light'' right back at you. <hr width70%> ===Mitzi's Present/Ogron's Spell=== :'''Flora:''' I love Earth, but it has a lot of problems. :'''Musa:''' I wonder what it was like the fairies' ruled it. :'''Bloom:''' I don't know, but since they disappeared there's a total lack of harmony. <hr width70%> :'''Bloom''': Sky! What are you doing here? :'''Sky''': Eh... ehm-ehm... we just... well you know, we missed you guys so eh... surprise! :'''Bloom''': Sky! :'''Sky''': What, aren't you happy to see us? :'''Bloom''': Stop it, I know what's going on. :'''Sky''': Okay Bloom, listen. I know you're not gonna like this, but you guys are gonna need all the help you can get if you're taking on the Wizards of the Black Circle! :'''Bloom''': Sky, you just don't think that we can handle them, do you? Well for your information, this is our mission and we were doing just fine. :'''Riven''':Yeah right! ''[gestures to the destroyed park]'' :'''Bloom''': Sky we appreciate what your doing but if you don't trust us knows the time to tell us? :'''Riven''': We trust you too much! Who were those guys at the club!? :'''Musa''':Riven? :'''Bloom''':What are you talking about? :'''Sky''':Come on Bloom! Don't tell me your denying it? That Andy guy! :'''Bloom''': ''What!?'' You been ''spying'' on us!? :'''Sky''':Well, we.. a uh... :'''Bloom''': I can't believe you'd do this! I thought you knew me better then that! What's worse is I thought I knew ''you!'' :'''Sky''': Bloom if you just let me explain. :'''Riven''': Awe, let them go. Tomorrow they'll have forgotten all about it. :'''Sky''': Riven, please just stop talking! <hr width80%> === A Fairy in Danger/A Fairy Found=== * The last terrestrial fairy of Earth is revealed- [[w:Roxy (Winx Club)|Roxy]], Fairy of Animals. *Enchantix is seen for the final time, evolved into Believix. <hr width70%> :(''[[w:Roxy (Winx Club)|Roxy]] comforts her pet dog Artu'') :'''Bloom:''' She's giving off magic energy. Can you feel it? :'''Flora:''' It's the same one we felt since we first arrived in Gardenia. :'''Tecna:''' So it must have come from her, bot Ogron and his wizards. :'''Stella:''' So she must be... :'''Bloom:''' The last fairy of Earth. <hr width70%> : '''Ogron:''' I heard those girls say you are the one- a fairy! : '''Roxy:''' Not this again. : '''Ogron:''' It's true! You ''are'' the destined one! Now, wizards, open the portal! : '''Roxy:''' NO!! Help!! : '''Ogron:''' Yes! We finally have her! The Black Circle shall consume your powers and our mission will be complete!! <hr width70%> :''[Upon seeing the Winx Club transform off-screen]'' :'''Ogron''': It's the same old [[song]] and [[dance]] with them. :'''Gantlos''': Speak for yourself, Ogron, I kinda like it. : '''Stella:''' It's nice to have such big fans. ''Ocean of Light''. : '''Bloom:''' Roxy, take cover and don't move! ''Dragon Fury''. <hr width70%> :'''Ogron''': You led us to Roxy, so we are in your debt. For that, we'll let you live. Humiliated, defenseless and on your knees, but alive. <hr width=70%> :'''Roxy''': This is crazy, I must be seeing things. I'm ''not'' a fairy. Fairies don't exist! There's no such thing. Oh fairies don't exist. They don't exist! I can't be a fairy! :'''Ogron''': Oh yes Roxy. Fairies indeed exist and you're one of them. There's no need to cry. :'''Roxy''': Girls, please help me! You're the only ones who can save me! :'''Bloom''': Roxy, open your heart! :'''Anagan''': I don't think they heard you. :'''Roxy''': Fairies, I need you. :'''Ogron''': Ah, so now you believe in fairies. :'''Bloom''': Well done Roxy, this is exactly what you have to do. Keep going. Have faith, Roxy! :'''Roxy''': Yes... I believe! I believe in fairies! And I hope they wipe those smirks off your ugly faces! :'''Bloom''': This is it... The Believix energy! Feel the energy, girls, feel it! :'''Ogron''': That's enough! Wizards of the Black Circle, the portal! <hr width=50%> (''All six Winx Club fairies have achieved their Believix forms'') : '''Bloom:''' Thank you. Your belief in us transformed us into Believix Fairies. We are so much stronger now, right, Winx? :'''Layla:''' Let the battle begin. ===Winx Believix/I Believe In You=== :'''Bloom''': I can't believe we reached the Believix level! :'''Flora''': It was like all the forces of nature united in one single moment! :'''Stella''': Check out the clothes! They're amazing! <hr width70%> : '''Stella:''' ''Double Eclipse''. Uh, did you read the chapter about my powers? : '''Musa:''' No. But I know my by heart. ''Stereo Clash''. <hr width70%> : '''Roxy:''' These girls are risking their lives for me. I just wish I was as brave as them. : '''Morgana:''' Roxy. Roxy. : '''Roxy:''' Who are you? : '''Morgana:''' I will guide you. Remember you are a fairy, the Fairy of Animals. Do not be afraid. Fight! <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' We must combine our attack spells in a magic convergence. ''Fire Arrow''. : '''Stella:''' ''Sun Dance''. : '''Musa:''' ''Harmonic Attack''. : '''Tecna:''' ''Megawatt''. : '''Layla:''' ''Morfix Wave''. : '''Flora:''' ''Autumn Wind''. <hr width70%> :'''Roxy:''' I'm scared. Scared of being...a fairy. :'''Morgana's Voice:''' But you don't have to be afraid. You are the last fairy of Earth, Fairy of Animals. And the animals will help you if you let them. :'''Roxy:''' Who are you? :'''Morgana:''' You will find out soon enough. You believed in the Winx, now you must believe in yourself, just as I believe in you. <hr width70%> :'''Morgana's Voice:''' You are a fairy, Roxy, and I believe in you. :'''Roxy:''' Yes! I ''am'' a fairy, the Fairy of Animals! <hr width70%> :'''Bloom:''' We have found the last Earth fairy, Headmistress. Her name is Roxy. :'''Faragonda:''' Excellent work, Girls, but your mission is no yet complete. :'''Tecna:''' The Wizards' are still strong. Even the Believix power is useless against them. :'''Faragonda:''' That is because you have yet to reach your full potential. Did you know there are three types of wings, each with its own special power? :'''Winx Club:''' Oooh. :'''Faragonda:''' Yes. There is "Speedix" which allows you to fly faster, "Zoomix" which enables you to teleport over long distances, and "Tracix" which lets you see into the past. <hr width70%> ===Hidden in the Country=== *Believix Fairies are able to use their fairy dust to miniaturize, as with Enchantix. <hr width70%> : '''Roxy:''' I know what to do! No more running away! Creatures of the sky and forest, come to me! Come to me now! : '''Ogron:''' When she has possession of the White Circle, that girl is too strong! ===Nebula's White Circle=== <hr width70%> : '''Nebula:''' Never! This white Circle belongs to Nebula! Now and forever!! : '''Stella:''' Nebula. I heard that name before from the Book of Fairies. :'''Tecna:''' Yes. A very powerful warrior-fairy who faced Orgon and his wizards. <hr width70%> :'''Bloom:''' Let's use our shields. We have to separate Roxy from the negative energy controlling her. ''Flaming Armor.'' :'''Stella:''' ''Sirius Shield.'' :'''Musa:''' ''Sonic screen.'' :'''Tecna:''' ''Defender Plate'' :'''Flora:''' ''Summer Thunder'' :'''Layla:''' ''Plasma Wall.'' <hr width70%> ===The Audition=== ===Superheroes=== * Roxy's inherent magical abilities as Fairy of Animals gradually begin to develop when she is able to give Artu the ability of human speech. <hr width70%> : '''Roxy:''' Go, Winx! I want to be like them! I want to use my powers to help people. <hr width70%> : '''Roxy:''' Bloom, I did it! : '''Artu:''' Hello, Bloom. : '''Bloom:''' Roxy, you managed to use your magic. : '''Roxy:''' Yeah. But it's it's only temporary. ===The Pets' Pursuit=== * [[w:Roxy (Winx Club)|Roxy]] finally achieves her standard Winx/Fairy form by tapping into her inherent magical powers due to her rage and sorrow. <hr width70%> : '''Ganthos:''' What are you sobbing about? It's just a dog. : '''Roxy''' (''furious'')''':''' What!!? Just a dog!? ''Just a dog!?'' :(''Her fury enables her to tap into her exceptionally strong magical powers and transform into her standard Winx/Fairy form for the first time'') : '''Klaus:''' Wait! This...this is impossible. : '''Roxy:''' You're gonna pay for that, you monster!! I did it! I managed to transform into a fairy. Dad! Artu! Don't worry. I can help you now. : '''Ganthos:''' Nice, little one. But now what are you planning on doing? : '''Roxy:''' My attack magic is weak compared to the wizard's. But maybe there is something...I'm the Fairy of Animals. <hr width80%/> : '''Bloom:''' I'll finish them off with...Wait! I'm sensing something. : '''Flora:''' Yes, I feel it too. Roxy's magic trail. It's much stronger than before. <hr width80%> : '''Bloom:''' Roxy, you managed to transform into a fairy. : '''Roxy:''' Yes, I did. I...Oh, Artu. Artu, answer me! Oh, Artu! ===Roxy's Energy=== *The adult fairy who appears in Roxy's visions is revealed to be Morgana, Queen of the terrestrial fairies. <hr width70%> :'''Bloom''': Roxy, listen. :'''Roxy:''' Leave me alone!! If I hadn't met all of you, this never would have happened!! I don't want be a fairy! Why me!? I didn't ask for this. :'''Bloom:''' I know how you feel, Roxy, believe me. But you must move forward. A fairy lives for others, never for herself. :'''Layla:''' Not now. She's too upset, Bloom. :'''Stella:''' Stay with her. We'll handle the Fairy Hunters. <hr width80%/> : '''Bloom:''' Roxy, you...you are our last hope now. Here. Take it. : '''Roxy:''' No! I don't want the negative energy of the White Circle to control me again. : '''Bloom:''' If it falls into Ogron's hands, it will be the end for us all. : '''Roxy:''' I can't, Bloom. : '''Bloom:''' Please...I can't...I can't protect it any longer. : '''Roxy:''' Bloom! : '''Ogron:''' Ha! She fainted. <hr width80> : '''Morgana:''' We are what we are. You are a fairy, remember that- the Fairy of Animals. And the White Circle is a very powerful weapon, Roxy. Do not be frightened. Use it. Fight. <hr width70%> : '''Ogron:''' You wouldn't dare! (''Roxy emits a sea-green beam of mystical energy at him'') : '''Ogron:''' Foolish, girl! You just condemned Gardenia to it's destruction! :(''Blasts Roxy backward'') : '''Morgana:''' Get up, Roxy. You have great power. The energy of [[Earth]] is in you. Use it properly. <hr width80> :'''Bloom:''' That's the power of Believix. The people of Earth believe in fairies again, and that is our strength. ''Dragon Heart.'' ===Bringing Magic Back=== :'''Roxy''' (''thinking'')''':''' ''They're fairies but they manage to live their lives like regular girls. I wonder I'll be able to do that, too.'' :'''Bloom''' (''conversing telepathically'')''':''' ''I know how you feel, Roxy. Believe me, I understand.'' <hr width70%> : '''Faragonda''' It is good to see you, Roxy, even though it is from a distance. I'm sure the Winx have told you all about the Magix dimension, where fairies like you study at Alfea College. It will take much training, three intense years. : '''Roxy:''' Wait! What!!? There's no way I'm going to a school in another dimension! My life is here in Gardenia! <hr width=80%> : '''Faragonda:''' You must be patient with her, girls. The wizards' are still out there. Roxy is inexperienced. She could end up in trouble. <hr width=80%> (''All seven Winx Club girls have transformed'') : '''Bloom:''' Wow, Roxy. You learn fast. <hr width=80%> : '''Animal Smuggler:''' Nice costumes! For Halloween! : '''Roxy:''' We are ''real'' fairies and you'll pay for taking all these innocent animals! ===The New Witch in Town=== <hr width70%> :'''Bloom:''' The size of the object you're levitating is not as powerful as how strong your actions are. :'''Roxy:''' Okay. I think I get it. :(''Manages to use her magic to telekinetically lift an ice cream stand'') :'''Bloom:''' That was great, Roxy. <hr width70%> ===The Virtual Hideout=== <hr width70%> :'''Roxy:''' How does it work? :'''Flora:''' Objects and places have memories, Roxy. With this spell, we can go back and relive them. :'''Bloom:''' We don't know what we're going to see. Are you sure you wanna do it? :'''Roxy:''' When Nebula used me to fight against the Wizards, I understood how the Earth fairies' suffered. :'''Bloom:''' You're more and more like me. You used to act instinctive, but now you know what you want. <hr width70%> :(''The seven Winx Club fairies see a vision hundreds of years ago, back when Earth was full of magic'') :'''Morgana:''' Here it is- the last White Circle. There are many paths to our world, but this Circle will the last hope for us fairies to escape from the human world and go back to our realm, the isle of Tir Nan Og. The gates are disappearing, destroyed by Ogron and the Dark Wizards. A Black Circle appears to combat the White Circle. Many of us fought against the Fairy Hunters. The White Circle is our salvation. No shadow will obscure its light. <hr width70%> :'''Roxy:''' That woman's voice is the same one who told me believe in myself because I'm the Fairy of Animals. :'''Tecna:''' You're also the last fairy of Earth, but somewhere beyond that gate there are other Earth fairies. :'''Layla:''' And we'll find them. We promise. <hr width70%> :'''Bloom:''' Roxy, what's wrong? Are you sick? :'''Roxy:''' Someone broke into your place and is threatening the pests. They're in danger. <hr width70%> ===Island Tricks=== * The Terrestrial fairies of Earth are finally released, but desire nothing more than bitter vengeance against the humans' who had stopped believing in them, therefore greatly weakening their powerful fairy magic, as well as the Fairy Hunters who imprisoned them. <hr width70%> : '''Flora:''' So the Wizards' defeated the Earth fairies and imprisoned them... : '''Musa:''' In their own realm. How horrible. : '''Roxy:''' All of this has to end! : '''Faragonda:''' Yes, Roxy. And your magic will be most fundamental for this mission. Use the White Circle. It will take you to Tir Nan Og, the main realm of the Earth fairies. <hr width80> : '''Roxy:''' I...know that I must save the Earth fairies. But I don't know how. <hr width70%> ===Diana's Attack=== : '''Diana:''' I am Diana, warrior Fairy of Nature. Our queen Morgana wants to know you better, Roxy. : '''Bloom:''' Your wasting your time! Roxy will never join you! : '''Diana:''' The last Earth fairy ''will'' join her sisters in the fight against Ogron and the humans! : '''Bloom:''' I understand your rage, but why must you destroy humans? They didn't imprison you, the fairy hunters did! : '''Diana:''' You dare defend Earth people!? They've been afflicting this world with wars and environmental catastrophes! They are guilty! Now they'll pay! <hr width80%/> :(''About the enlarged spider'') :'''Roxy:''' It's not my type of pet, but I may be able to establish contact. <hr width80%> : '''Faragonda:''' To go into Diana's kingdom of the Amazon, you must go beyond Believix. ===In the Amazon Forest=== *The Winx Club, minus Roxy, acquire a greater evolution, Sophix. Like Charmix, it can only be used for a brief period. <hr width70%> : '''Ethereal Fairies:''' We the ethereal fairies. We shall give you the gifts of destiny. They are an evolution of Believix. The first is Sophix, the gift of wisdom. Bloom you will have the gift of ''Inner Flame''. Stella, the ''Drop of Light'', Musa, ''Pure Harmony'', Tecna, ''Superior Order'', Flora the ''Breathe of Nature'', and Layla; the gift of ''Vital Beat''. : '''Nabu:''' Now you stronger than ever, Layla. <hr width70%> : '''Roxy:''' I want to go, too. : '''Bloom:''' Sorry, Roxy. But this mission is too dangerous for a fairy with no Believix powers. <hr width70%> :(''After evolving into her Sophix form'') : '''Bloom:''' ''Inner Flame''. This the flame of life; to never give and to be born again. : '''Stella:''' ''Drop of Light''. This the light of hope, which must never go out. : '''Musa:''' ''Pure Harmony''. : '''Warrior Fairy:''' These fairies! They are totally and completely in true with nature! : '''Warrior Fairy # 2:''' But, Diana says they're our enemies, so we better attack again! : '''Tecna:''' ''Superior Order''. This the gift of order, the substance of all living things. <hr width70%> :'''Amazon Warrior Fairy:''' These fairies- they are totally and completely in tune with nature. :'''2nd Amazon Fairy:''' But, Diana says they're our enemies, so we better attack again. <hr width70%> ===Diana's Redemption=== <hr width70%> :'''Diana:''' My strength! The heart of the forest is in danger. <hr width70%> ===The Fairy of Justice=== <hr width70%> ===Aurora's Tower=== *The Winx Club, excluding Roxy, acquire the gift of heart, Lovix. As with Charmix, it is a temporary evolution of a previous, less powerful fairy level. <hr width70%> : '''Morgana:''' Agreed. But...the youngest fairy, Roxy. No one is to touch a single hair on her head. <hr width70%> : '''Roxy:''' Look out! ''Enchanted Cloak''. :(''Creates an orbicular shield to defend Flora and Tecna'') <hr width=50%> :'''Roxy:''' ''Wolf Talon''. : (''Fires a wolf of pure mystical energy at the ice monster'') : '''Flora:''' Fierce, Roxy. <hr width=50%> : '''Musa:''' You're the animal expert. What do you think, Roxy? : '''Roxy:''' Slip lock spell. ''Wild Heartbeat''. (''Fires a beam of sea-green magic that makes polar bears fight the ice creatures''). That'll buy us some time. <hr width70%> : '''Morgana:''' Join me, Roxy. No one will ever hurt you. : '''Roxy:''' Thanks, Morgana. Stop! Do you know how close you came to hitting me!? : '''Arctic Fairy:''' Step backward! : '''Bloom:''' It's working, Roxy. whatever you're doing. : '''Roxy:''' Trust me. We need to combine our powers and nothing will happen to us. <hr width70%> : '''Aurora:''' In my hand is the Blizzard. In it, there is enough power to freeze the whole universe. But I sense that one of you holds a great power within. (''to Bloom''). Yes. You hold the formidable power of the Dragon Fire. I don't want an ice and fire fight. <hr width70%> ===Bloom's Challenge=== :'''Bloom:''' For some reason, Morgana seems to really care about Roxy. Roxy knows it too. During the fight, she noticed the fairies' were trying not to hit her. She used that to defend us. We need to find out the connection between Morgana and Roxy. :(''Roxy regains consciousness'') :'''Roxy:''' Hey, girls. What's going on? Maybe I don't want to know. :'''Flora:''' You were freezing to death, and Bloom managed to buy us time by challenging Nebula to a duel. :'''Roxy:''' What!? You really did that, Bloom? <hr width80%/> : '''Morgana:''' Why will you not join me, Roxy? I offered you so many chances to save yourself, but in order to do so you must leave the Winx. : '''Roxy:''' I will never leave my friends! I will share their destiny! : '''Morgana:''' I made sure nobody harmed you. : '''Roxy:''' Yes, and I took advantage of that to save the Winx! <hr width70%> : '''Nebula:''' We've been talking for too long! We must have our revenge on the wizards', even if it means destroying Sybila's cave!! <hr width80%/> :'''Aurora:''' Nebula is out of control! Stop her before she destroys my ice tower! <hr width80%> : '''Bloom:''' You're making a mistake! You can't solve anything with vengeance! : '''Nebula:''' What do you know about vengeance and hatred!? You have nothing to teach me, you naughty child!! Have you ever been locked for centuries in a prison, humiliated and beaten!? : '''Bloom:''' ''Ice Wall''. : '''Nebula:''' My revenge against the humans is even greater! They stopped believing in us and condemned us to Oblivion! <hr width=70%> : '''Bloom:''' ''That's enough, Nebula!'' : '''Nebula:''' I'm here, Bloom. I'm waiting for you. : '''Bloom:''' ''Dragon Fire''. <hr width=70%> : '''Musa:''' Bloom defeated Nebula. You have to respect the deal. :(''Bloom collapses from exhaustion'') : '''Flora:''' Oh no. Bloom! : '''Nebula:''' The fight drained all of her power. <hr width=80%> : '''Roxy:''' Morgana, Bloom did all this for me. If something happens to her, I would never forgive myself. : '''Morgana:''' And neither could I. Your friend won the challenge, and so we must respect the arrangement. <hr width70%> : '''Flora:''' We need to trust, Roxy. She's good and she learns quickly. : '''Tecna:''' You're right, Flora. <hr width70%> : '''Nebula:''' Come, young fairy! Show me how good you are. <hr width80%/> :'''Morgana:''' I command you to stop. Bloom fought fairly. We must keep our word. :'''Roxy:''' Morgana, now you must keep your word and stop your revenge against humans. :'''Morgana:''' I'll do as you say, Roxy. But only because you asked me to. ===The Wizards' Trap=== : '''Roxy:''' Stop! :(''Uses her abilities to calm the crows'') : '''Nebula:''' I guess you can't argue with the Fairy of Animals. <hr width80%> :'''Nabu:''' Duman, your powers are out of control right now. But I can help you recover from the aliment you've been. :'''Duman:''' Who said I want to recover? :'''Nabu:''' Your magic energy is out of control right now and soon it will burn out. :'''Duman:''' In a few hours, the whole world will be ours! It was into the Black Circle at once! :'''Sky:''' What are you talking about?! :'''Duman:''' The Black Circle. (snickers) When Morgana touches the ring, we will destroy all the fairies! :'''Helia:''' What about Ogron's promise? :'''Duman:''' Hahahaha! Ogron lied! :'''Brandon:''' We've gotta warn the girls! <hr width80%> : '''Ogron:''' The last fairy of Earth! We still have a bone to pick with each other, don't we, Roxy!? <hr width70%> : '''Flora:''' Surrender, wizards! This your last chance! : '''Anagan:''' The casnm will close until the last Earth fairy falls in its depths. <hr width80%> : '''Sky:''' Nabu, what are you doing!!? : '''Nabu:''' The cashn! I have to close it! : '''Riven:''' But there's not a magical object strong enough to hold it! : '''Nabu:''' My staff is magic object. : '''Layla:''' Roxy's White Circle! What about the White Circle!? : '''Nabu:''' It's also the key to the fairies' realm! You need to protect it! <hr width80%> :'''Nabu:''' ''[last words]'' I'll never leave you, Layla. Wherever you'll be, anytime, in any world, I'll always be with you. These eyes, Layla, mustn't cry. I love you. <hr width80%> : '''Bloom:''' Layla, the Black Gift! The last Gift of Destiny from the Ethereal Fairies! Now's the time to use it!/Now's the time to use its power! : '''Layla:''' Ethereal Fairies, I beg of you, please! Give me the spell of life! : ''[Ogron suddenly steals the gift]'' :'''Bloom:''' (gasps) OGRON! :'''Layla:''' Give it back to me, now! : '''Ogron:''' Oops, how careless of me./Oh, dear me. I wasted the Gift of Destiny to give back to life to this small flower./I wasted the gift of destiny on reviving this small flower. ===Morgana's Secret/Home at Last=== : '''Roxy:''' ''Scorpion's Tail''. : (''Uses the tail of a scorpion to swipe away the warrior fairies' weapons'') <hr width70%> : '''Layla:''' So, I see it didn't take you long to replace me! : '''Roxy:''' You surprised us before when we weren't ready, but we are not going to let that happen again! : (''emits a sea-green beam of mystic energy'') <hr width80%> : '''Roxy:''' ''Wolf Talon.'' : '''Bloom:''' Nice one, Roxy. <hr width70%> :'''Nebula:''' Layla follow us, the time has come to open the doors of the magic universe. The Omega Dimension awaits us! :'''Bloom:''' Don't do it! Please Layla, don't go! You're not like them! :'''Layla:''' The girl you knew is broken, just like the flower Ogron gave me. All I want to do is give him back his gift. :'''Nebula:''' Farewell, Winx! :(Warrior fairies disappear) :'''Bloom:''' NO!!! <hr width70%> : '''Morgana:''' Even though Nebula has taken my place, that does not make a queen. After me, the throne goes to the Princess of Tir Nan Og- my daughter. You can rescue me, Roxy. : '''Roxy:''' Me? You...you're my mother? : '''Morgana:''' Roxy, I have waited so long. : '''Roxy:''' I- I thought you were... : '''Morgana:''' I'm here. I'm alive. And you're ready to accept all of this. You the last Earth fairy, the last hope for us all. Thanks to your friends, you found us and you found yourself. <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' But, Gantlos has disappeared. : '''Roxy:''' Don't worry. I know how to find him. : (''Creates a bird of prey out of ice'') :'''Roxy:''' ''Ice Raptor'', find Ganthos' tracks. ===Ice and Fire/Duel in the Omega Dimension=== *This is the Season 4 finale, followed by the second 3D movie, ''[[w:Winx Club 3D: Magical Adventure|Magical Adventure]]'' <hr width70%> :'''Roxy:''' What a creepy place. :'''Tecna:''' This is were they exile the most dangerous criminals in the universe. :'''Stella:''' But, don't worry. These ice blocks are pretty secure. :'''Roxy:''' "Pretty secure"? You're always so comforting Stella. <hr width70%> : '''Ogron:''' You want to avenge Nabu, but you're too weak to do it. <hr width70%> :'''Anigan:''' Let's surrender, Ogron! :'''Orgon:''' ''Never!'' <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' Nebula. : '''Nebula:''' I'll stay here. : '''Bloom:''' No, Nebula! : '''Nebula:''' I left the light for the dark side, so I should stay. : '''Bloom:''' No, that's not true. You always have light inside you. It's a part of you. Come on and start over. <hr width=80%> : '''Morgana:''' Earth fairies, release your magic into the human world and make a better place. ==Cast== ===Cinélume=== *Angela Galuppo as Bloom *Jennifer Seguin as Stella *Holly Gauthier-Frankel as Flora *Anik Matern as Musa *Jodie Resther as Tecna *Lucinda Davis as Layla *Sara Camacho as Roxy *Danny Brochu as Sky *Mark Hauser as Brandon *Martin Watier as Helia *Michael Yarmush as Timmy *Mitchell Rothpan as Riven *Terence Scammel as Ogron *Simon Peacock as Duman *Thor Bishopric as Anagan *Mark Camacho as Gantlos *Susan Glover as Nebula ===Atlas Oceanic=== *Molly C. Quinn as Bloom *Amy Gross as Stella *Alejandra Reynoso as Flora *Romi Dames as Musa *Morgan Deckner as Tecna *Keke Palmer as Layla *Liliana Mumy as Roxy *Matt Shively as Sky *Adam Gregory as Brandon *David Faustino as Helia *Charlie Schlatter as Timmy, Duman, Jason Queen *Sam Riegel as Riven *Will Blagrove as Nabu *Kari Wahlgren as Faragonda, Narrator *Yuri Lowenthal as Ogron *Bumper Robinson as Anagan *Josh Keaton as Gantlos *Mindy Sterling as Morgana *Karen Strassman as Nebula, Green Ethereal Fairy *April Stewart as Vanessa, Blue Ethereal Fairy *Grey DeLisle as Yellow Ethereal Fairy *Tara Strong as Diana *Megan Goldsmith as Aurora, Clarice *Sirena Irwin as Sibylla *Daniella Monet as Mitzi *Jennifer Hale as Sally *Melissa Greenspan as Darma *Saige Ryan Campbell as Alice [[Category:Winx Club seasons]] 8k5e8ttj675vdz9d8zln8f82nv36qds 0 213040 3779008 3282336 2025-07-15T02:41:11Z 2601:84:C903:B4E0:CCD7:7A38:B89E:B671 /* The End of Tritannus */ 3779008 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Seasons:''' [[Winx Club (season 1)|1]] [[Winx Club (season 2)|2]] [[Winx Club (season 3)|3]] [[Winx Club (season 4)|4]] [[Winx Club (season 5)|5]] [[Winx Club (season 6)|6]] [[Winx Club (season 7)|7]] | [[Winx Club|Main]] ---- '''''[[w:Winx Club|Winx Club]]''''' is an animated television series created by [[w:Iginio Straffi|Iginio Straffi]] and animated by [[w:Rainbow (company)|Rainbow SpA]], in co-production with [[w:Nickelodeon|Nickelodeon]] (Seasons 5 and 6) and [[w:Rai Fiction|Rai Fiction]]. ===The Spill=== : '''Roxy:''' I got into Alfea. : '''Bloom:''' Roxy, that's wonderful. : '''Roxy:''' I could never have done it without you Bloom. You there for me, just like a big sister. :(''Bloom flashes back to when she last saw her own big sister'') : '''Daphne:''' You've come a long way, Bloom. : '''Bloom:''' I couldn't have done it with you, Daphne. : '''Daphne:''' I think you could. : '''Bloom:''' I just wish I could do something for you. :(''End of flashback'') : '''Bloom:''' My big sister. Oh, Daphne. : '''Roxy:''' Bloom? : '''Bloom:''' I'm fine. ===The Rise of Tritannus=== :'''Aisha:''' I can't believe that monster is my cousin. ===Return to Alfea=== : '''Faragonda:''' Welcome to a new year. I see some new faces and some familiar ones. Here there is one fairy I want everyone to meet. I am happy to introduce Roxy. : '''Roxy:''' Hey. : '''Faragonda:''' Roxy is from Earth, where magic was absent for a very long time. But thanks to her courage, magic is back on Earth. And she is here at Alfea, thanks to some of your fellow students- the Winx. <hr width80%> : '''Bloom:''' The things is that our Believix powers seem to work well underwater. : '''Faragonda:''' Your powers as Believix fairies are great. But far from land and the worlds of water. They are less...effective. : '''Flora:''' But Tritannus is strong. : '''Aisha:''' And getting stronger. : '''Bloom:''' How are we going to stop him? :'''Faragonda:'''There is one way. You must try to acquire Sirenix. : '''Stella:''' Great. Just when I thought we were done. : '''Faragonda:''' Sirenix is an ancient power, born of the magic of the oceans. It will make you strong to defeat Tritannus. But no one has become a Sirenix fairy for quite some time. : '''Bloom:''' Then how do we acquire the power? Become Sirenix fairies? : '''Faragonda:''' You must start by finding the ancient book of Sirenix. But that will a great challenge, for it is hidden and I do not know where. However, I do knows its hiding place. Bloom, you must ask your sister Daphne. She was the last fairy to acquire Sirenix. Only she can tell you. <hr width=80%> : '''Daphne:''' I am so happy to see you again. Do you need my help, little sister? : '''Bloom:''' Yes, Daphne. I want you to tell where the Sirenix book is hidden. : '''Daphne:''' No! Not Sirenix! ''Look at me!'' Look at Sirenix did to ''me!'' When the three Ancient Witches attacked the magic dimension, I was ready to confront them. But the Witches' cast a spell on Sirenix. And when I used its power to defend myself, it turned against me. And I became ''this''- a spirit without a body. Do not seek Sirenix! If you fail, your fate will terrible. : '''Bloom:''' But I must try! There is a deadly threat the magic dimension, and to stop it, I need the power of Sirenix. : '''Daphne:''' I wish I could protect you. : '''Bloom:''' But you can't. Please, Daphne, tell me. Where is the Sirenix book? : '''Daphne:''' The Sirenix book is in the magic archive of Alfea. Find it at your peril. ===The Sirenix Book=== :'''Queen Lesia:''' Sirenix is ancient power of the fairies. But no fairy has achieved Sirenix for a very long time. The last one to possess it was a fairy named Daphne. :'''Tritannus:''' That's it!!? :'''Queen Lesia:''' Yes. <hr width80%> : '''Bloom:''' We have found the Sirenix Book. And if we open it our quest will begin. It will mean risking everything we have, everything we are. Are we sure we want to do this? <hr width80%> : '''Tritannus:''' Icy, I know where to start our quest for Sirenix. We must find Daphne. : '''Icy:''' Daphne? :'''Stormy:''' Bloom's sister? :'''Darcy:''' Who else? :'''Icy:''' And I know right where she is. ===The Lilo=== *This episode is also considered the very first of the fifth season, taking place before the events of "The Spill." <hr width70%> :'''Faragonda:''' Because you Winx brought magic back to Earth, the Lilo will blossom there for the first time, in centuries. However, it only does so once at sunset. After which it loses its power. <hr width80%/> :'''Mike:''' We believe in you, Winx. ===The Power of Harmonix=== *This is the last time the six Winx Club girls' use their Believix powers, which is succeeded by Harmonix. <hr width70%> :'''Aisha:''' Open it, right? Right? :'''Flora:''' But...but it could be dangerous. :'''Tecna:''' There's the curse of Sirenix. :'''Musa:''' And we don't even know what that means. :'''Bloom:''' The Sirenix curse left my sister Daphne a disembodied spirit. :'''Aisha:''' But we need Sirenix powers to defeat Tritannus. :'''Stella:''' And save the whole magic dimension. :'''Faragonda:''' Whatever you decide, you must do it freely and with open heart. You will not be able to begin the quest until you all agree. If you fail in the quest for Sirenix, you will lose your fairy powers forever. <hr width80%/> :'''Bloom:''' I've been thinking. If we complete the quest, maybe can break the curse. Maybe we can... :'''Aisha:''' Help your sister Daphne. <hr width80%> :'''Sirenix Book:''' The quest for Sirenix begins. But know this, there is a curse upon Sirenix. You must complete the quest within one lunar cycle, or you will all lose your powers forever. :'''Stella:''' Yeah, yeah, yeah! :'''Bloom:''' We know. And we are ready to begin. :'''Sirenix Book:''' To gain Sirenix, you must find the Gems of Self-Confidence, Empathy, and Courage, which are hidden in the oceans of the Magic Dimension. :'''Aisha:''' That will be challenging. Unfortunately, our Believix powers don't really work underwater. :'''Sirenix Book:''' For each of you, a Sirenix box. Your Guardian of Sirenix resides within. You may call on her for help during your quest. :''(The Winx glow)'' :'''Musa:''' What's happening? :'''Sirenix Book:''' Your Guardians have granted you a new fairy power: Harmonix. It will allow you to swim faster and use your powers freely in the ocean. The quest begins. ===The Shimmering Shells=== :'''Diaspro:''' Sky doesn't love you, Bloom. <hr width80%/> :'''Negative Stella:''' You will never be a fashion designer. Never going to happen. <hr width80%/> :'''Aisha:''' How did you know that would work? :'''Stella:''' I didn't. But I thought this must be the Gem of Self-Confidence. ===Secret of the Ruby Reef=== :'''Stella:''' Miss you, love you. Communing with your ghostly sister is cool and all, but it's not now. This party is right here, in the moment. <hr width80%/> : '''Icy:''' We would've knocked but there's no door. : '''Stormy:''' Who lives under a lake? : '''Daphne:''' What do you want? :'''Tritannus:''' Just one thing!! I want the secret of Sirenix!! <hr width80%> : '''Sky:''' Bloom? : '''Bloom:''' I just a horrible feeling about Daphne. ===The Gem of Empathy=== :'''Brandon:''' Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess named Stella. :'''Young Stella:''' That's me. ===A Magix Christmas=== ===Trix Tricks=== <hr width70%> : '''Tritannus:''' Tell me how to get Sirenix now, Daphne, or I'll let them tear your mind part!! : '''Daphne:''' ''Never!'' : '''Tritannus:''' Stop! She fainted. : '''Darcy:''' Lightweight. : '''Tritannus:''' She'll never talk to save herself! : '''Icy:''' But she would talk to save her sister. : '''Tritannus:''' Bloom! Of course! Find Bloom and bring her here! <hr width70%> : '''Tritannus:''' We'll never get Daphne to talk now! ===Test of Courage=== :(''In the castle of Domino'') :'''Sky:''' Still worrying about Daphne? I'm sure she's proud of you today. You're receiving a great honor. :'''Bloom:''' You're receiving the bigger honor, Sky. You saved Domino. :'''Sky:''' I did? :'''Bloom:''' Yes, you did. With this. You managed to pull the sword from its stone, then you destroyed the Witches' and brought the whole world back to life. :'''Sky:''' I don't remember that guy. He's so...fearless. :'''Bloom:''' You're still that guy, Sky. :'''Sky:''' OK, Bloom. :(''Oritel and Miriam, King and Queen of Domino, arrive'') :'''Bloom:''' Come on. My parents are here. :'''Sky:''' I don't remember them either. <hr width80%> (''In the depths of Lake Roccaluce'') : '''Tritannus''': ''Speak!!'' : '''Daphne:''' I will never let you have Sirenix, monster!! : '''Darcy:''' This is getting us nowhere. : '''Stormy:''' She's never gonna spill. : '''Icy:''' I know how to break her. Isn't today Domino's renewal celebration? I bet your parents will be all dressed up with nowhere to run. : '''Daphne:''' No!! : '''Icy:''' I thought that might hit a nerve. : '''Tritannus:''' And it did. Go to Domino! Capture Oritel and Miriam. Then she'll tell us what we want to know! Maybe I'll see you there. I have some hunting to do! <hr width80%> :'''Serena:''' You will not enter the oceans of Domino! :'''Tritannus:''' It's such a special day for Domino. <hr width80%> :'''King Oritel:''' We owe a great debt to this brave young man. Without his courage our world would still be frozen in ice. <hr width80%> : '''Tritannus:''' Go on! Tell me how to acquire Sirenix or watch your parents be destroyed!! : '''Daphne:''' Please, no! : '''Tritannus:''' Speak!! : '''Icy:''' If I push her over do you think she'll break? : '''Daphne:''' Please don't hurt them!! Please no! I'll...I'll tell you want you want to know. : '''Tritannus:''' Good work, Icy. Hurry back. <hr width80%> : '''Sky:''' Oh no. : '''Bloom:''' Sky, what is it? : '''Sky:''' Tritannus has taken Daphne prisoner and he's forced her to tell him the secret of Sirenix. : '''Bloom:''' Oh no. : '''Stella:''' We'll find her Bloom. We're with you. : '''Flora:''' We'll find her, wherever she is, and save her. : '''Aisha:''' Count on it. ===Sirenix=== *The Winx Club finally achieve the ancient ocean/sea-related fairy power of Sirenix, even though it is still cursed with dark magic. <hr width70%> : '''Faragonda:''' That was not like you, Bloom. You must maintain focus to control Sirenix. : '''Bloom:''' I know, but Daphne is still Tritannus' prisoner and I don't how much more she can take. <hr width70%> : '''Sirenix Book:''' Winx, I commend you. You have passed the tests of Self Confidence, Empathy and Courage, and won the three Gems. But to complete your quest, you must find the Source of Sirenix. And for that, you must look within yourselves. <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' Maybe we can't find the answer because we're looking in the wrong place. : '''Tecna:''' What do you mean? : '''Bloom:''' The Sirenix Book said we should look inside ourselves. So maybe that's how we'll find the Source of Sirenix! Sirenix Box! : ''(She summons her guardian)'' : '''Bloom:''' Guardian, we know finding the three Gems is not the end, and that we must continue to the display the virtues they represent to gain Sirenix! : '''Bloom's Guardian of Sirenix:''' Well done, fairies. You have passed the final test. You will find the Source of Sirenix in the place where your quest began. : '''Bloom:''' Where our quest began...? :''(Remembers flashback)'' : '''Winx:''' Lake Roccaluce! <hr width70%> : '''Tritannus:''' Give up, Daphne! Your parents are sculptures and you're all doomed! : '''Daphne:''' No! : '''Tritannus:''' Tell how to acquire Sirenix! : '''Daphne:''' My Sirenix powers are protected by the source of Sirenix at Lake Roccaluce. You will never obtain Sirenix, monster! : '''Tritannus:''' Unless I destroy the source and then I can rip Sirenix right out of you! : '''Daphne:''' Oh no. : '''Tritannus:''' I win, fairy! Icy! : '''Icy:''' Coming. So? She talked? : '''Tritannus:''' Yes. I know what to do. And once I get Sirenix, you will have it too, beautiful Icy. <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' ''Fire Blade''. : '''Tritannus:''' Why you! : '''Bloom:''' Tell me where Daphne is, monster! : '''Serena:''' Bloom, the lake is almost dry. : '''Bloom:''' But... : '''Tritannus:''' Go on, fairy. Save the pretty lake. : '''Bloom:''' This isn't over, Tritannus! : '''Tritannus:''' It is for now, my dear fairy. <hr width70%> : '''Tritannus:''' I have a gift for- Daphne's Sirenix powers! : '''Daphne:''' No! No! My powers! : '''Tritannus:''' I give you Sirenix! <hr width70%> : '''Alyriss:''' She is the supreme guardian of Sirenix: : '''Omnia:''' I am Omnia and you are Sirenix fairies now. Enter the Infinite Ocean. <hr width=80%> : '''Omnia:''' Winx. as Sirenix fairies, you are each given a wish. You may ask your guardians' to grant it. But only after you have pleased destiny. : '''Stella:''' There's always a catch. : '''Omnia:''' There is something else. Something evil has entered the Infinite Ocean. : '''Aisha:''' Tritannus! : '''Omnia:''' He is stronger than before. And he has powerful allies who possess dark Sirenix. : '''Stella:''' The Trix! : '''Omnia:''' To rid the Infinite Ocean of their evil, you must develop your powers fully. ===The Emperor's Throne=== : '''Daphne:''' Be careful, Tritannus. Sirenix is cursed. : '''Icy:''' Oh, be quiet, you! You're just saying that 'cause we forced you into telling us how to get it. My mighty Tritannus will become the emperor of the Infinite Ocean. : '''Tritannus:''' And you, Icy, will be my empress. <hr width70%> : '''Daphne:''' I told you, Tritannus. Sirenix will destroy you. : '''Tritannus:''' Who asked you, fairy!? Lock her up! (''Daphne is imprisoned in a cell, right below the Emperor's throne'') <hr width70%> ===The Pillar of Light=== :'''Stella:''' All the worlds? Even Solaria? :'''Faragonda:''' Yes. Even Solaria. :'''Stella:''' I have to go home! My father! without the sun, he could die! ===The Eclipse=== : '''Stella:''' I am the Fairy of the Shinning Sun and no one's gonna put the lights out on my watch! ''Light of Sirenix.'' ===Faraway Reflections=== <hr width70%> : '''Daphne:''' Darcy, Stormy! You must stop him! : '''Darcy:''' Are you speaking to moi? : '''Daphne:''' Please, listen to me! You must stop Tritannus before he activates the emperor's throne! : '''Darcy:''' and why would we do that, Daphne? : '''Daphne:''' The throne will unleash a power that not even Tritannus can control! He will destroy himself and all of us in the Infinite Ocean! He will destroy you!! : '''Darcy:''' Yeah right. : '''Stormy:''' Can you believe her? : '''Daphne:''' I must reach Bloom. I must try. I cannot. Tritannus is too strong. <hr width70%> : '''Daphne:''' Little sister, Tritannus has taken my powers. I am his prisoner. : '''Bloom:''' I will find you! I will save you! : '''Daphne:''' No! The magic dimension is in great danger! You must stop Tritannus! He is seeking to find the seals from the Pillar of Balance and the Pillar of Control. Do not let him have them! : '''Bloom:''' But I don't even know where the pillars are. : '''Daphne:''' Look to the Eye of Inspiration. <hr width70%> ===The Devourer=== : '''Daphne:''' Bloom. Bloom. : '''Bloom:''' Daphne? : '''Daphne:''' Bloom, the selkies are in danger! : '''Bloom:''' Danger? What sort of danger? : '''Daphne:''' A monster- a monster to devour them. : '''Bloom:''' Where, Daphne? : '''Daphne:''' Near the Pillar of Light. ===The Singing Whales=== : '''Riven:''' What's that sound in the tune of that song? : '''Musa:''' That's the sound of the singing whales of Melody. The whales' singing keeps the whole world in balance. <hr width80%> :'''Daphne:''' Bloom. Bloom. :'''Bloom:''' Daphne!? :'''Daphne:''' Tritannus is on his way to take the seal! ===The Problems of Love=== ===A Perfect Date=== :(''Another vision between the two sisters'') : '''Daphne:''' Bloom! : '''Bloom:''' Daphne? : '''Daphne:''' Tritannus is going to the Pillar of Control. : '''Bloom:''' Yes. We will stop him. : '''Daphne:''' Bloom, you must destroy the seal! : '''Bloom:''' Destroy the seal? : '''Daphne:''' Destroy the seal of the Pillar of Control! Destroy it! : '''Bloom:''' But, Daphne...Daphne? <hr width=80%> : '''Flora:''' Huh? Everything OK, Bloom? :(''Bloom sighs'') : '''Winx:''' What? : '''Bloom:''' Daphne said we should destroy the seal of the Pillar of Control. : '''Stella:''' Destroy it? : '''Flora:''' Without the seal, the Pillar will crumble. : '''Musa:''' And throw the Magic Dimension into chaos again. : '''Aisha:''' Hmm... Wait. Think about it. We stabilized the other Pillars when they lost their seals. : '''Bloom:''' If we destroy the seal, there's no way Tritannus can take it! : '''Stella:''' And then, we can stick a fork in Tritannus! : '''Bloom:''' Because he'll be done. <hr width=80%> : '''Tecna:''' ''Aura of Sirenix!'' ===Listen to Your Heart=== :'''Tritannus:''' NO!! ''The seal is gone!!'' :'''Serena:''' You will never have it! The Winx destroyed it! :'''Icy:''' Those obnoxious fairies beat us to it!! <hr width80%> :'''Tecna:''' My Sirenix box. :'''Tecna's Guardian of Sirenix:''' Impressive, Tecna. You have earned the right to make a wish. :'''Tecna:''' I wish the people of Zenith would feel connected to all the worlds of the magic dimension and understand that we are all one. :'''Tecna's Guardian of Sirenix:''' Done. <hr width80%> : '''Tritannus:''' You know, don't you!? You know how to activate the throne! How I can become emperor! : '''Daphne:''' You must not activate the throne, Tritannus. The curse of Sirenix will destroy you, as it destroyed Politea. : '''Tritannus:''' Politea!? Who's that!! : '''Daphne:''' She was a Sirenix fairy. Cursed by her lust for power, she lost herself in darkness and became...a monster. <hr width70%> :'''Stormy:''' Monstrous dark power? Sounds good. :'''Darcy:''' If we grab Politea and take her power, we can ditch your wack boyfriend and still rule the Infinite Ocean. :'''Icy:''' Never going to happen, so wy don't you two just get lost? :'''Stormy:''' Sister, you do not have to ask me twice. <hr width70%> ===The Shark's Eye=== *How Daphne, as Nymph of Magix, was turned into her present form as bodiless spirit and ghost is revealed. <hr width70%> : '''Daphne:''' The throne! It weakened him. It is the curse of Sirenix. It will destroy you, just as it destroyed Politea. : '''Icy:''' Oh zip it, Debbie downer. : '''Tritannus:''' Politea, of course! Her Sirenix power is tremendous. I can use it to activate the emperor's throne if we can find her. : '''Icy:''' My dark Sirenix powers will lead me to her. <hr width=80%> : '''Daphne:''' Bloom. Bloom, you must find Politea before the Trix do! : '''Bloom:''' But who is she? Where do I look for her? : '''Daphne:''' Alfea. In the room of faraway reflections. Be careful, Bloom! The curse of Sirenix! Politea is evil! ''Evil!'' <hr width=80%> : '''Bloom:''' Oh. So Politea was a nymph, just like Daphne. The Ancestral Witches. Daphne fought them to save the Infinite Ocean. She was so brave. Oh no! When the witches' attacked again, when Daphne needed her most, Politea refused to help. And so the witches' destroyed them both. And cursed Sirenix. <hr width=80%> : '''Icy:''' Well, look who it is? Bloom and Mini Bloom. : '''Bloom:''' I am so not in the mood, Icy! ''Dragon Kick.'' <hr width80%> :'''Stella:''' I wish my parents would always listen to each other and to me. I want that more than anything. ===Saving Paradise Bay=== : '''Flora:''' Breath of the Ocean, reveal yourself. <hr width70%> : '''Flora:''' I wish for all people to treat nature with love and respect. : '''Sirenix Guardian:''' A lovely wish. Consider it done. <hr width70%> :'''Diaspro''': It's not fair! ''[points to Bloom, angrily]'' This is your fault, Bloom! ===Battle for the Infinite Ocean=== : '''Bloom:''' ''Ingenious Protection.'' <hr width=80%> : '''Aisha:''' NO!! ''Tide of Sirenix.'' <hr width=80%> : '''Aisha:''' I wish for Nereus to live. <hr width=80%> : '''Aisha:''' Ahh!! No!! My powers!! ===The End of Tritannus=== *This is the Season 5 finale, followed by the third 3D movie, ''[[w:Winx Club: The Mystery of the Abyss|The Mystery of the Abyss]].'' <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' No!! ''Dragon Kick.'' ''Dragon Punch.'' ''Lava Jab.'' <hr width=80%> : '''Tritannus:''' No!! : '''Bloom:''' ''Fire of Sirenix!'' : (''Creates a powerful geyser of flame that breaks his trident'') : '''Tritannus:''' My trident!!! <hr width=80%> : '''Bloom's Sirenix Guardian:''' Bloom, I am so proud of you. You banished the deepest darkness. What is your wish? : '''Bloom:''' I wish to break the Sirenix curse and end its legacy forever. : '''Bloom's Sirenix Guardian:''' Your wish, dear Bloom, is granted. :''(Daphne appears before Bloom, her ghostly body changing into flesh and blood]'' : '''Bloom:''' Daphne! :'''Daphne:''' Bloom! <hr width=80%> : '''Daphne:''' Best little sister in the known universe. == Cast == *Molly C. Quinn as Bloom *Amy Gross as Stella *Alejandra Reynoso as Flora *Romi Dames as Musa *Morgan Deckner as Tecna *Keke Palmer as Aisha, Lemmy *Adam Wylie as Tritannus *Larisa Oleynik as Icy, Marion *Jennifer Cody as Darcy *Kimberley Brooks as Stormy, Niobe, Trista *Elizabeth Gilles as Daphne *Keythe Farley as Neptune *Will Friedle as Nereus *Matt Shively as Sky *Adam Gregory as Brandon *David Faustino as Helia *Charlie Schlatter as Timmy *Sam Riegel as Riven *Kari Wahlgren as Faragonda, Narrator *Obba Babatundé as Teredor *Laraine Newman as Ligea *Liliana Mumy as Roxy *Laura Bailey as Serena, Matlin, Tressa, Mermaid *Lauren Weisman as Illiris *Amber Hood as Desiryee *Hope Levy as Sonna *Natalie Lander as Lithia, Mirta *April Stewart as Vanessa *James Patrick Stewart as Mike *Josh Keaton as Oritel *André Sogliuzzo as Radius *Megan Cavanagh as Luna *Nika Futterman as Omnia *Daniella Monet as Mitzi *Ariel Winter as Macy [[Category:Winx Club seasons]] gfn66q2c3qtnn8nob6m5xydy8wr8m6c 3779011 3779008 2025-07-15T02:43:44Z 2601:84:C903:B4E0:CCD7:7A38:B89E:B671 /* Cast */ 3779011 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Seasons:''' [[Winx Club (season 1)|1]] [[Winx Club (season 2)|2]] [[Winx Club (season 3)|3]] [[Winx Club (season 4)|4]] [[Winx Club (season 5)|5]] [[Winx Club (season 6)|6]] [[Winx Club (season 7)|7]] | [[Winx Club|Main]] ---- '''''[[w:Winx Club|Winx Club]]''''' is an animated television series created by [[w:Iginio Straffi|Iginio Straffi]] and animated by [[w:Rainbow (company)|Rainbow SpA]], in co-production with [[w:Nickelodeon|Nickelodeon]] (Seasons 5 and 6) and [[w:Rai Fiction|Rai Fiction]]. ===The Spill=== : '''Roxy:''' I got into Alfea. : '''Bloom:''' Roxy, that's wonderful. : '''Roxy:''' I could never have done it without you Bloom. You there for me, just like a big sister. :(''Bloom flashes back to when she last saw her own big sister'') : '''Daphne:''' You've come a long way, Bloom. : '''Bloom:''' I couldn't have done it with you, Daphne. : '''Daphne:''' I think you could. : '''Bloom:''' I just wish I could do something for you. :(''End of flashback'') : '''Bloom:''' My big sister. Oh, Daphne. : '''Roxy:''' Bloom? : '''Bloom:''' I'm fine. ===The Rise of Tritannus=== :'''Aisha:''' I can't believe that monster is my cousin. ===Return to Alfea=== : '''Faragonda:''' Welcome to a new year. I see some new faces and some familiar ones. Here there is one fairy I want everyone to meet. I am happy to introduce Roxy. : '''Roxy:''' Hey. : '''Faragonda:''' Roxy is from Earth, where magic was absent for a very long time. But thanks to her courage, magic is back on Earth. And she is here at Alfea, thanks to some of your fellow students- the Winx. <hr width80%> : '''Bloom:''' The things is that our Believix powers seem to work well underwater. : '''Faragonda:''' Your powers as Believix fairies are great. But far from land and the worlds of water. They are less...effective. : '''Flora:''' But Tritannus is strong. : '''Aisha:''' And getting stronger. : '''Bloom:''' How are we going to stop him? :'''Faragonda:'''There is one way. You must try to acquire Sirenix. : '''Stella:''' Great. Just when I thought we were done. : '''Faragonda:''' Sirenix is an ancient power, born of the magic of the oceans. It will make you strong to defeat Tritannus. But no one has become a Sirenix fairy for quite some time. : '''Bloom:''' Then how do we acquire the power? Become Sirenix fairies? : '''Faragonda:''' You must start by finding the ancient book of Sirenix. But that will a great challenge, for it is hidden and I do not know where. However, I do knows its hiding place. Bloom, you must ask your sister Daphne. She was the last fairy to acquire Sirenix. Only she can tell you. <hr width=80%> : '''Daphne:''' I am so happy to see you again. Do you need my help, little sister? : '''Bloom:''' Yes, Daphne. I want you to tell where the Sirenix book is hidden. : '''Daphne:''' No! Not Sirenix! ''Look at me!'' Look at Sirenix did to ''me!'' When the three Ancient Witches attacked the magic dimension, I was ready to confront them. But the Witches' cast a spell on Sirenix. And when I used its power to defend myself, it turned against me. And I became ''this''- a spirit without a body. Do not seek Sirenix! If you fail, your fate will terrible. : '''Bloom:''' But I must try! There is a deadly threat the magic dimension, and to stop it, I need the power of Sirenix. : '''Daphne:''' I wish I could protect you. : '''Bloom:''' But you can't. Please, Daphne, tell me. Where is the Sirenix book? : '''Daphne:''' The Sirenix book is in the magic archive of Alfea. Find it at your peril. ===The Sirenix Book=== :'''Queen Lesia:''' Sirenix is ancient power of the fairies. But no fairy has achieved Sirenix for a very long time. The last one to possess it was a fairy named Daphne. :'''Tritannus:''' That's it!!? :'''Queen Lesia:''' Yes. <hr width80%> : '''Bloom:''' We have found the Sirenix Book. And if we open it our quest will begin. It will mean risking everything we have, everything we are. Are we sure we want to do this? <hr width80%> : '''Tritannus:''' Icy, I know where to start our quest for Sirenix. We must find Daphne. : '''Icy:''' Daphne? :'''Stormy:''' Bloom's sister? :'''Darcy:''' Who else? :'''Icy:''' And I know right where she is. ===The Lilo=== *This episode is also considered the very first of the fifth season, taking place before the events of "The Spill." <hr width70%> :'''Faragonda:''' Because you Winx brought magic back to Earth, the Lilo will blossom there for the first time, in centuries. However, it only does so once at sunset. After which it loses its power. <hr width80%/> :'''Mike:''' We believe in you, Winx. ===The Power of Harmonix=== *This is the last time the six Winx Club girls' use their Believix powers, which is succeeded by Harmonix. <hr width70%> :'''Aisha:''' Open it, right? Right? :'''Flora:''' But...but it could be dangerous. :'''Tecna:''' There's the curse of Sirenix. :'''Musa:''' And we don't even know what that means. :'''Bloom:''' The Sirenix curse left my sister Daphne a disembodied spirit. :'''Aisha:''' But we need Sirenix powers to defeat Tritannus. :'''Stella:''' And save the whole magic dimension. :'''Faragonda:''' Whatever you decide, you must do it freely and with open heart. You will not be able to begin the quest until you all agree. If you fail in the quest for Sirenix, you will lose your fairy powers forever. <hr width80%/> :'''Bloom:''' I've been thinking. If we complete the quest, maybe can break the curse. Maybe we can... :'''Aisha:''' Help your sister Daphne. <hr width80%> :'''Sirenix Book:''' The quest for Sirenix begins. But know this, there is a curse upon Sirenix. You must complete the quest within one lunar cycle, or you will all lose your powers forever. :'''Stella:''' Yeah, yeah, yeah! :'''Bloom:''' We know. And we are ready to begin. :'''Sirenix Book:''' To gain Sirenix, you must find the Gems of Self-Confidence, Empathy, and Courage, which are hidden in the oceans of the Magic Dimension. :'''Aisha:''' That will be challenging. Unfortunately, our Believix powers don't really work underwater. :'''Sirenix Book:''' For each of you, a Sirenix box. Your Guardian of Sirenix resides within. You may call on her for help during your quest. :''(The Winx glow)'' :'''Musa:''' What's happening? :'''Sirenix Book:''' Your Guardians have granted you a new fairy power: Harmonix. It will allow you to swim faster and use your powers freely in the ocean. The quest begins. ===The Shimmering Shells=== :'''Diaspro:''' Sky doesn't love you, Bloom. <hr width80%/> :'''Negative Stella:''' You will never be a fashion designer. Never going to happen. <hr width80%/> :'''Aisha:''' How did you know that would work? :'''Stella:''' I didn't. But I thought this must be the Gem of Self-Confidence. ===Secret of the Ruby Reef=== :'''Stella:''' Miss you, love you. Communing with your ghostly sister is cool and all, but it's not now. This party is right here, in the moment. <hr width80%/> : '''Icy:''' We would've knocked but there's no door. : '''Stormy:''' Who lives under a lake? : '''Daphne:''' What do you want? :'''Tritannus:''' Just one thing!! I want the secret of Sirenix!! <hr width80%> : '''Sky:''' Bloom? : '''Bloom:''' I just a horrible feeling about Daphne. ===The Gem of Empathy=== :'''Brandon:''' Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess named Stella. :'''Young Stella:''' That's me. ===A Magix Christmas=== ===Trix Tricks=== <hr width70%> : '''Tritannus:''' Tell me how to get Sirenix now, Daphne, or I'll let them tear your mind part!! : '''Daphne:''' ''Never!'' : '''Tritannus:''' Stop! She fainted. : '''Darcy:''' Lightweight. : '''Tritannus:''' She'll never talk to save herself! : '''Icy:''' But she would talk to save her sister. : '''Tritannus:''' Bloom! Of course! Find Bloom and bring her here! <hr width70%> : '''Tritannus:''' We'll never get Daphne to talk now! ===Test of Courage=== :(''In the castle of Domino'') :'''Sky:''' Still worrying about Daphne? I'm sure she's proud of you today. You're receiving a great honor. :'''Bloom:''' You're receiving the bigger honor, Sky. You saved Domino. :'''Sky:''' I did? :'''Bloom:''' Yes, you did. With this. You managed to pull the sword from its stone, then you destroyed the Witches' and brought the whole world back to life. :'''Sky:''' I don't remember that guy. He's so...fearless. :'''Bloom:''' You're still that guy, Sky. :'''Sky:''' OK, Bloom. :(''Oritel and Miriam, King and Queen of Domino, arrive'') :'''Bloom:''' Come on. My parents are here. :'''Sky:''' I don't remember them either. <hr width80%> (''In the depths of Lake Roccaluce'') : '''Tritannus''': ''Speak!!'' : '''Daphne:''' I will never let you have Sirenix, monster!! : '''Darcy:''' This is getting us nowhere. : '''Stormy:''' She's never gonna spill. : '''Icy:''' I know how to break her. Isn't today Domino's renewal celebration? I bet your parents will be all dressed up with nowhere to run. : '''Daphne:''' No!! : '''Icy:''' I thought that might hit a nerve. : '''Tritannus:''' And it did. Go to Domino! Capture Oritel and Miriam. Then she'll tell us what we want to know! Maybe I'll see you there. I have some hunting to do! <hr width80%> :'''Serena:''' You will not enter the oceans of Domino! :'''Tritannus:''' It's such a special day for Domino. <hr width80%> :'''King Oritel:''' We owe a great debt to this brave young man. Without his courage our world would still be frozen in ice. <hr width80%> : '''Tritannus:''' Go on! Tell me how to acquire Sirenix or watch your parents be destroyed!! : '''Daphne:''' Please, no! : '''Tritannus:''' Speak!! : '''Icy:''' If I push her over do you think she'll break? : '''Daphne:''' Please don't hurt them!! Please no! I'll...I'll tell you want you want to know. : '''Tritannus:''' Good work, Icy. Hurry back. <hr width80%> : '''Sky:''' Oh no. : '''Bloom:''' Sky, what is it? : '''Sky:''' Tritannus has taken Daphne prisoner and he's forced her to tell him the secret of Sirenix. : '''Bloom:''' Oh no. : '''Stella:''' We'll find her Bloom. We're with you. : '''Flora:''' We'll find her, wherever she is, and save her. : '''Aisha:''' Count on it. ===Sirenix=== *The Winx Club finally achieve the ancient ocean/sea-related fairy power of Sirenix, even though it is still cursed with dark magic. <hr width70%> : '''Faragonda:''' That was not like you, Bloom. You must maintain focus to control Sirenix. : '''Bloom:''' I know, but Daphne is still Tritannus' prisoner and I don't how much more she can take. <hr width70%> : '''Sirenix Book:''' Winx, I commend you. You have passed the tests of Self Confidence, Empathy and Courage, and won the three Gems. But to complete your quest, you must find the Source of Sirenix. And for that, you must look within yourselves. <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' Maybe we can't find the answer because we're looking in the wrong place. : '''Tecna:''' What do you mean? : '''Bloom:''' The Sirenix Book said we should look inside ourselves. So maybe that's how we'll find the Source of Sirenix! Sirenix Box! : ''(She summons her guardian)'' : '''Bloom:''' Guardian, we know finding the three Gems is not the end, and that we must continue to the display the virtues they represent to gain Sirenix! : '''Bloom's Guardian of Sirenix:''' Well done, fairies. You have passed the final test. You will find the Source of Sirenix in the place where your quest began. : '''Bloom:''' Where our quest began...? :''(Remembers flashback)'' : '''Winx:''' Lake Roccaluce! <hr width70%> : '''Tritannus:''' Give up, Daphne! Your parents are sculptures and you're all doomed! : '''Daphne:''' No! : '''Tritannus:''' Tell how to acquire Sirenix! : '''Daphne:''' My Sirenix powers are protected by the source of Sirenix at Lake Roccaluce. You will never obtain Sirenix, monster! : '''Tritannus:''' Unless I destroy the source and then I can rip Sirenix right out of you! : '''Daphne:''' Oh no. : '''Tritannus:''' I win, fairy! Icy! : '''Icy:''' Coming. So? She talked? : '''Tritannus:''' Yes. I know what to do. And once I get Sirenix, you will have it too, beautiful Icy. <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' ''Fire Blade''. : '''Tritannus:''' Why you! : '''Bloom:''' Tell me where Daphne is, monster! : '''Serena:''' Bloom, the lake is almost dry. : '''Bloom:''' But... : '''Tritannus:''' Go on, fairy. Save the pretty lake. : '''Bloom:''' This isn't over, Tritannus! : '''Tritannus:''' It is for now, my dear fairy. <hr width70%> : '''Tritannus:''' I have a gift for- Daphne's Sirenix powers! : '''Daphne:''' No! No! My powers! : '''Tritannus:''' I give you Sirenix! <hr width70%> : '''Alyriss:''' She is the supreme guardian of Sirenix: : '''Omnia:''' I am Omnia and you are Sirenix fairies now. Enter the Infinite Ocean. <hr width=80%> : '''Omnia:''' Winx. as Sirenix fairies, you are each given a wish. You may ask your guardians' to grant it. But only after you have pleased destiny. : '''Stella:''' There's always a catch. : '''Omnia:''' There is something else. Something evil has entered the Infinite Ocean. : '''Aisha:''' Tritannus! : '''Omnia:''' He is stronger than before. And he has powerful allies who possess dark Sirenix. : '''Stella:''' The Trix! : '''Omnia:''' To rid the Infinite Ocean of their evil, you must develop your powers fully. ===The Emperor's Throne=== : '''Daphne:''' Be careful, Tritannus. Sirenix is cursed. : '''Icy:''' Oh, be quiet, you! You're just saying that 'cause we forced you into telling us how to get it. My mighty Tritannus will become the emperor of the Infinite Ocean. : '''Tritannus:''' And you, Icy, will be my empress. <hr width70%> : '''Daphne:''' I told you, Tritannus. Sirenix will destroy you. : '''Tritannus:''' Who asked you, fairy!? Lock her up! (''Daphne is imprisoned in a cell, right below the Emperor's throne'') <hr width70%> ===The Pillar of Light=== :'''Stella:''' All the worlds? Even Solaria? :'''Faragonda:''' Yes. Even Solaria. :'''Stella:''' I have to go home! My father! without the sun, he could die! ===The Eclipse=== : '''Stella:''' I am the Fairy of the Shinning Sun and no one's gonna put the lights out on my watch! ''Light of Sirenix.'' ===Faraway Reflections=== <hr width70%> : '''Daphne:''' Darcy, Stormy! You must stop him! : '''Darcy:''' Are you speaking to moi? : '''Daphne:''' Please, listen to me! You must stop Tritannus before he activates the emperor's throne! : '''Darcy:''' and why would we do that, Daphne? : '''Daphne:''' The throne will unleash a power that not even Tritannus can control! He will destroy himself and all of us in the Infinite Ocean! He will destroy you!! : '''Darcy:''' Yeah right. : '''Stormy:''' Can you believe her? : '''Daphne:''' I must reach Bloom. I must try. I cannot. Tritannus is too strong. <hr width70%> : '''Daphne:''' Little sister, Tritannus has taken my powers. I am his prisoner. : '''Bloom:''' I will find you! I will save you! : '''Daphne:''' No! The magic dimension is in great danger! You must stop Tritannus! He is seeking to find the seals from the Pillar of Balance and the Pillar of Control. Do not let him have them! : '''Bloom:''' But I don't even know where the pillars are. : '''Daphne:''' Look to the Eye of Inspiration. <hr width70%> ===The Devourer=== : '''Daphne:''' Bloom. Bloom. : '''Bloom:''' Daphne? : '''Daphne:''' Bloom, the selkies are in danger! : '''Bloom:''' Danger? What sort of danger? : '''Daphne:''' A monster- a monster to devour them. : '''Bloom:''' Where, Daphne? : '''Daphne:''' Near the Pillar of Light. ===The Singing Whales=== : '''Riven:''' What's that sound in the tune of that song? : '''Musa:''' That's the sound of the singing whales of Melody. The whales' singing keeps the whole world in balance. <hr width80%> :'''Daphne:''' Bloom. Bloom. :'''Bloom:''' Daphne!? :'''Daphne:''' Tritannus is on his way to take the seal! ===The Problems of Love=== ===A Perfect Date=== :(''Another vision between the two sisters'') : '''Daphne:''' Bloom! : '''Bloom:''' Daphne? : '''Daphne:''' Tritannus is going to the Pillar of Control. : '''Bloom:''' Yes. We will stop him. : '''Daphne:''' Bloom, you must destroy the seal! : '''Bloom:''' Destroy the seal? : '''Daphne:''' Destroy the seal of the Pillar of Control! Destroy it! : '''Bloom:''' But, Daphne...Daphne? <hr width=80%> : '''Flora:''' Huh? Everything OK, Bloom? :(''Bloom sighs'') : '''Winx:''' What? : '''Bloom:''' Daphne said we should destroy the seal of the Pillar of Control. : '''Stella:''' Destroy it? : '''Flora:''' Without the seal, the Pillar will crumble. : '''Musa:''' And throw the Magic Dimension into chaos again. : '''Aisha:''' Hmm... Wait. Think about it. We stabilized the other Pillars when they lost their seals. : '''Bloom:''' If we destroy the seal, there's no way Tritannus can take it! : '''Stella:''' And then, we can stick a fork in Tritannus! : '''Bloom:''' Because he'll be done. <hr width=80%> : '''Tecna:''' ''Aura of Sirenix!'' ===Listen to Your Heart=== :'''Tritannus:''' NO!! ''The seal is gone!!'' :'''Serena:''' You will never have it! The Winx destroyed it! :'''Icy:''' Those obnoxious fairies beat us to it!! <hr width80%> :'''Tecna:''' My Sirenix box. :'''Tecna's Guardian of Sirenix:''' Impressive, Tecna. You have earned the right to make a wish. :'''Tecna:''' I wish the people of Zenith would feel connected to all the worlds of the magic dimension and understand that we are all one. :'''Tecna's Guardian of Sirenix:''' Done. <hr width80%> : '''Tritannus:''' You know, don't you!? You know how to activate the throne! How I can become emperor! : '''Daphne:''' You must not activate the throne, Tritannus. The curse of Sirenix will destroy you, as it destroyed Politea. : '''Tritannus:''' Politea!? Who's that!! : '''Daphne:''' She was a Sirenix fairy. Cursed by her lust for power, she lost herself in darkness and became...a monster. <hr width70%> :'''Stormy:''' Monstrous dark power? Sounds good. :'''Darcy:''' If we grab Politea and take her power, we can ditch your wack boyfriend and still rule the Infinite Ocean. :'''Icy:''' Never going to happen, so wy don't you two just get lost? :'''Stormy:''' Sister, you do not have to ask me twice. <hr width70%> ===The Shark's Eye=== *How Daphne, as Nymph of Magix, was turned into her present form as bodiless spirit and ghost is revealed. <hr width70%> : '''Daphne:''' The throne! It weakened him. It is the curse of Sirenix. It will destroy you, just as it destroyed Politea. : '''Icy:''' Oh zip it, Debbie downer. : '''Tritannus:''' Politea, of course! Her Sirenix power is tremendous. I can use it to activate the emperor's throne if we can find her. : '''Icy:''' My dark Sirenix powers will lead me to her. <hr width=80%> : '''Daphne:''' Bloom. Bloom, you must find Politea before the Trix do! : '''Bloom:''' But who is she? Where do I look for her? : '''Daphne:''' Alfea. In the room of faraway reflections. Be careful, Bloom! The curse of Sirenix! Politea is evil! ''Evil!'' <hr width=80%> : '''Bloom:''' Oh. So Politea was a nymph, just like Daphne. The Ancestral Witches. Daphne fought them to save the Infinite Ocean. She was so brave. Oh no! When the witches' attacked again, when Daphne needed her most, Politea refused to help. And so the witches' destroyed them both. And cursed Sirenix. <hr width=80%> : '''Icy:''' Well, look who it is? Bloom and Mini Bloom. : '''Bloom:''' I am so not in the mood, Icy! ''Dragon Kick.'' <hr width80%> :'''Stella:''' I wish my parents would always listen to each other and to me. I want that more than anything. ===Saving Paradise Bay=== : '''Flora:''' Breath of the Ocean, reveal yourself. <hr width70%> : '''Flora:''' I wish for all people to treat nature with love and respect. : '''Sirenix Guardian:''' A lovely wish. Consider it done. <hr width70%> :'''Diaspro''': It's not fair! ''[points to Bloom, angrily]'' This is your fault, Bloom! ===Battle for the Infinite Ocean=== : '''Bloom:''' ''Ingenious Protection.'' <hr width=80%> : '''Aisha:''' NO!! ''Tide of Sirenix.'' <hr width=80%> : '''Aisha:''' I wish for Nereus to live. <hr width=80%> : '''Aisha:''' Ahh!! No!! My powers!! ===The End of Tritannus=== *This is the Season 5 finale, followed by the third 3D movie, ''[[w:Winx Club: The Mystery of the Abyss|The Mystery of the Abyss]].'' <hr width70%> : '''Bloom:''' No!! ''Dragon Kick.'' ''Dragon Punch.'' ''Lava Jab.'' <hr width=80%> : '''Tritannus:''' No!! : '''Bloom:''' ''Fire of Sirenix!'' : (''Creates a powerful geyser of flame that breaks his trident'') : '''Tritannus:''' My trident!!! <hr width=80%> : '''Bloom's Sirenix Guardian:''' Bloom, I am so proud of you. You banished the deepest darkness. What is your wish? : '''Bloom:''' I wish to break the Sirenix curse and end its legacy forever. : '''Bloom's Sirenix Guardian:''' Your wish, dear Bloom, is granted. :''(Daphne appears before Bloom, her ghostly body changing into flesh and blood]'' : '''Bloom:''' Daphne! :'''Daphne:''' Bloom! <hr width=80%> : '''Daphne:''' Best little sister in the known universe. == Cast == *Molly C. Quinn as Bloom *Amy Gross as Stella *Alejandra Reynoso as Flora, Flora's Guardian of Sirenix *Romi Dames as Musa, Phylla *Morgan Deckner as Tecna *Keke Palmer as Aisha, Lemmy *Adam Wylie as Tritannus *Larisa Oleynik as Icy, Marion *Jennifer Cody as Darcy *Kimberley Brooks as Stormy, Niobe, Trista *Elizabeth Gilles as Daphne *Keythe Farley as Neptune *Will Friedle as Nereus *Matt Shively as Sky *Adam Gregory as Brandon *David Faustino as Helia *Charlie Schlatter as Timmy *Sam Riegel as Riven *Kari Wahlgren as Faragonda, Narrator *Susanne Blakeslee as Grizelda, Bloom's Guardian of Sirenix *Obba Babatundé as Teredor *Laraine Newman as Ligea *Liliana Mumy as Roxy *Laura Bailey as Serena, Matlin, Tressa, Mermaid *Lauren Weisman as Illiris *Amber Hood as Desiryee *Hope Levy as Sonna *Natalie Lander as Lithia, Mirta *Tara Strong as Stella's Guardian of Sirenix *Grey DeLisle as Tecna's Guardian of Sirenix *Sugar Lyn Beard as Nissa, Musa's Guardian of Sirenix *April Stewart as Vanessa, Aisha's Guardian of Sirenix *James Patrick Stewart as Mike *Josh Keaton as Oritel *André Sogliuzzo as Radius *Megan Cavanagh as Luna *Nika Futterman as Omnia *Daniella Monet as Mitzi *Ariel Winter as Macy [[Category:Winx Club seasons]] oj9y473kt4rtw8teos5o82ht5twux5l 0 213042 3779012 3282338 2025-07-15T02:51:07Z 2601:84:C903:B4E0:CCD7:7A38:B89E:B671 /* The Power of the Fairy Animals */ 3779012 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- '''''[[w:Winx Club|Winx Club]]''''' is an animated television series created by [[w:Iginio Straffi|Iginio Straffi]] and animated by [[w:Rainbow (company)|Rainbow SpA]], in co-production with [[w:Nickelodeon|Nickelodeon]] (Seasons 5 and 6) and [[w:Rai Fiction|Rai Fiction]]. ===The Alfea Natural Park=== :'''Faragonda:''' And along the Keepers, a friend of yours will also be joining us. :'''Winx Club:''' Roxy! :'''Roxy:''' Hey, girls. :'''Faragonda:''' I thought, who better than the Fairy of Animals to get the Kangormai safely back to the park? <hr width80%> :'''Faragonda:''' I created this place as a refuge for all the fairy animals. Each one of them is a unique creature with its own special power or talent. :'''Roxy:''' There are already some animals in the park who are nearly extinct on their native worlds. But here, they can live peacefully; safe from any threat. <hr width80%> ===Young Fairies Grow Up=== <hr width80%> :'''Roxy:''' Roxy, Fairy of Animals. :(''Transforms into her Winx/Fairy form'') <hr width80%> (''After witnessing Kalshara tame the deer'') :'''Bloom:''' Now that's a real fairy animal tamer. <hr width80%> :''Note:'' Roxy transforms into her regular Winx/fairy form since the [[w: Winx Club (season 4)|fourth season]]. ===Butterflix=== :'''Roxy:''' I was actually impressed by your skills. It's rare for a digmole to bond with a fairy. :'''Young Faragonda:''' But, my digmole ran away. :'''Bloom:''' Faragonda, we'll help you find him. :'''Young Faragonda:''' Wow. Really? <hr width80%> :'''Young Faragonda:''' I'm sorry. I borrowed your book without asking. But Kalshara promised she'd put it back. :'''Headmistress Navilla:''' So you're saying this is all Kalshara's fault? :'''Bloom:''' Look! Up there! :'''Roxy:''' that's the same bird Kalshara transformed into in Wizgiz's class. :'''Bloom:''' Headmistress, it can't be a coincidence that Kalshara's flying away after stealing your book and during all of this. <hr width80%> :'''Young Brafilius:''' Back off, monster! :'''Kalshara:''' Don't you recognize your own sister, Brafilius? :'''Brafilius:''' Kalshara? It sounds like you but what happened? :'''Kalshara:''' I'm a master shapeshifter now, thanks to wild magic. :'''Young Brafilius:''' You're an animal! It's horrible. :'''Kalshara:''' You finally have a chance to wield the Ultimate Power and you back away!!? :'''Brafilius:''' I don't want it anymore! No thank you. :'''Kalshara:''' Wrong answer, brother dear! <hr width80%> :'''Young Faragonda:''' That voice. :'''Kalshara:''' If it isn't Faragonda and the gaggle of newbie losers! :'''Young Faragonda:''' Kalshara, is that you? You're so changed. :'''Kalshara:''' It's called wild magic. You should try it some time. :'''Stella:''' Lets teach those two what magic can do. :'''Flora:''' But if we transform, Navilla will know we're not real students. :'''Bloom:''' We don't have a choice. These digmoles are our mission. We have to protect them from Kalshara. <hr width80%> :'''Navilla:''' Kalshara, why are you doing this? You were my best student. :'''Kalshara:''' And you were incompetent, headmistress! You taught me the power of animal magic! In fact, why I show you just how much I've learned!? :'''Young Faragonda:''' I've learned quite a bit myself! Now, little kitty, time for to go to your cage. <hr width80%> ===The First Color of the Universe=== :'''Bloom:''' We'll stop her. We just need to find the animal mentioned in the secret before she does. :'''Faragonda:''' And you're going to help them, Roxy. Your expertise has already proven crucial to this mission. :'''Roxy:''' Oh! Rounding up digmoles is easy. Those little gluttons will follow food anywhere. <hr width80%> :'''Bloom:''' We need to stop Brafilius. If he's in the park, every animal here is danger. :'''Roxy:''' I think it would be better to keep searching, Bloom. Fairy animals know who the defend themselves. Don't underestimate them. :'''Bloom:''' Don't underestimate Brafilius either. :'''Roxy:''' I'm the Fairy of Animals. Trust me. This is why Faragonda sent me with you! :'''Bloom:''' Please wait, Roxy! We need to convince her to come back. It's too dangerous for her to go on alone. <hr width80%> :'''Bloom:''' Roxy, are you OK? :'''Roxy:''' Brafilius! He took the digmole and my Stone of Memories! :'''Musa:''' Oh no. :'''Tecna:''' That means that bad wizard... :'''Bloom:''' ...Can travel through time now. ===A Friend from the Past=== :'''Roxy:''' Oh, Bloom, I am so sorry. :'''Bloom:''' Don't cry, Roxy. It's not your fault. :'''Roxy:''' Yes it is. Brafilius took me by surprise and took my Stone of Memories. It couldn't get any worse than this. :'''Bloom:''' It could have happened to any of us. <hr width80%> :'''Bloom:''' Remember what Faragonda said? They're all magically linked to one another. :'''Aisha:''' That means that Brafilius has activated Roxy's Stone. :'''Musa:''' But to where? :'''Roxy:''' The prehistoric Magix. It is there that the most ancient species of fairy animals live-the Cry-Cries. :'''Musa:''' Maybe that's the solution to the riddle of the secret. :'''Stella:''' But how would we be able to find this animal without Roxy's help? :'''Roxy:''' You'll be fine. In prehistoric times, all animals used to blend in with the environment, but the cry-cry didn't. <hr width80%> ===Adventure on Lynphea=== :'''Bloom:''' Hi, Roxy. Did you find anything? :'''Roxy:''' Yes. Kalshara and Barfilius are searching for the animal who holds the Ultimate Power. <hr width80%> :'''Roxy:''' They sense a threat on Lynphea. The magi wolves, they're in danger. :'''Bloom:''' What kind of danger? :'''Roxy:''' I don't know. That's all I can tell from here. :'''Bloom:''' You did great, Roxy. :'''Flora:''' My parents may have something that can help us. <hr width80%> ===Back in the Middle Ages=== ===The Fairy Cat=== ===Winx, Trapped!=== <hr width80%> :'''Roxy:''' I believe that each of you is destined to meet your own fairy animal. <hr width80%> ===Mission in the Jungle=== ===A Fairy Animal for Tecna=== ===The Unicorn's Secret=== ===Tynix Transformation=== :'''Elas:''' They have the Tynix power. <hr width80%> ===The Magic Stones=== ===Back to Paradise Bay=== ===Lost in a Droplet=== ===A Magix Rainbow=== :'''Creature of Graynor:''' A shapeshifter attacked me and put this collar on me. :'''Bloom:''' Kalshara! :'''Brafilius:''' She must be talking about you! :'''Kalshara:''' Shh. ===Banana Day=== ===Baby Winx=== <hr width80%> :'''Aisha:''' We're children. <hr width80%> ===It's a Crazy, Crazy World=== :'''Digmole:''' I want to find my fairy. The one I am bonded with. Faragonda. :'''Bloom:''' Huh? ===The Kingdom of Diamonds=== ===The Heart of Alfea=== <hr width80%> :'''Flora:''' It's up to us, Amarok. Let's combine our powers! ''Strength of the Magi Wolf.'' <hr width80%> ===The Golden Butterfly=== :(''To Roxy and other basic Winx/Fairy-level fairies'') :'''Griselda:''' As you know, we're running a serious risk. The barrier of Alfea has disappeared! :'''Daphne:''' Don't worry. I've just called for backup. :'''Faragonda:''' Watch out. The Trix could return at any moment. :'''Icy:''' Surprise! We're already here. :'''Roxy:''' Girls, ready to face them!? :'''Fairy:''' More than ready. <hr width80%> :'''Young Faragonda:''' The Golden Butterfly's power is closest to Alfea's natural park. So it must be here somewhere. :'''Flora:''' There! a field of golden flowers. <hr width80%> ===New Magic Harmony=== <hr width80%> :(''Elas' horn turns from silver to gold'') :'''Bloom:''' Thanks to your heroic act, your strength has increased tremendously. <hr width80%> :(''Icy attacks the teachers with a nonverbal ice spell'') :'''Daphne:''' Back off! ''Embracing Wind.'' :(''Turns to Roxy and the other fairies'') :'''Daphne:''' We have to defend Alfea at all cost! Follow me! <hr width80%> :'''Musa:''' Look how they're playing 'casue they're no longer scared of anyone. :'''Roxy:''' They sensed the positive aura coming from Alfea. :'''Bloom:''' The power of the Golden Butterfly is linked to the fairy animals. :'''Roxy:''' Yes. They all feel at home now. :'''Faragonda:''' Your dream came true, Roxy. You should be proud. Here at Alfea, fairy animals and fairies can finally live together in peace and harmony. <hr width80%> :'''Bloom:''' Kalshara! :(''Bloom, the rest of the Winx, Daphne and Roxy get ready to fight'') :'''Aisha:''' Heads up, girls. :'''Kalshara:''' I'm not here to fight, Winx, but to propose to you...an alliance. An alliance against a common enemy. ===The Power of the Fairy Animals=== *This is the [[w:Winx Club (season 7)|Season 7]] finale. <hr width80%> :'''Elas:''' You fooled us more than once. Why should we trust you now? :'''Kalshara:''' Because I will be taking the same risk as you. For my brother. Only I can lead you to the Trix. I can sense Brafilius' magic presence. :'''Bloom:''' Can we trust you? :''Kalshara:''' Absolutely. I am a fairy like you, after all. <hr width80%> :(''Roxy, standing next to Bloom's elder sister Daphne'') :'''Roxy:''' We'll come with you. :'''Bloom:''' Not today, Roxy. We have to play this game with the Trix. :'''Elas:''' And we have to as well. :'''Bloom:''' We'll be careful. :'''Stella:''' Trouble always seems to find us. :'''Daphne:''' Good luck, Winx Club. <hr width80%> :'''Infinity Swan:''' I am the Infinity Swan. Those who respect nature have no need to fear me. Those who doesn't will be cast in my shadow. :'''Stormy:''' We are the rulers of nature! <hr width80%> :'''Bloom:''' We'll use our Stones of Memories. We'll trap the Trix in limbo outside of time, where they will never be a danger anyone. :'''Aisha:''' We need all seven of the Stones. :'''Bloom:''' Power of the Stones, I command you... :(''Icy, Darcy and Stormy are slowly overwhelmed by such fairy power, and Roxy's sea green-colored Stone floats away'') :'''Brafilius:''' Hey, that's mine! == Cast == * Haven Paschell as Bloom * Jessica Paquet as Stella * Eileen Stevens as Flora, Kalshara, Lockette * Kate Bristol as Musa, Shiny * Saskia Maarleveld as Tecna * Alysha Deslorieux as Aisha, Francine * Suzy Myers as Roxy * Erica Schroeder as Faragonda, Icy, Piff, Critty, Squonk * Billy Bob Thompson as Sky, Biff, Digmole, Faragonda's Digmole * Jake Paque as Brandon * Michael Liscio Jr. as Helia * Wayne Grayson as Timmy * Marc Thompson as Nex, Brafilius * Lori Gardner as Darcy * Zoe Martin as Stormy * Henry F. Benjamin as Amarok * Lisa Ortiz as Griselda, Cherie, Chloe, Lucilly * Alyson Leigh Rosenfeld as Miele [[Category:Winx Club seasons]] myk073l9aq7nsxhyy7mgpfi9vew30kf 0 214100 3778904 3513315 2025-07-14T22:28:34Z 2600:1004:B0AB:49BD:DC4D:D333:6094:3C75 /* External links */ 3778904 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Goliath II|Goliath II]]''''' is an American [[w:Short film|short]] [[w:Animation|animated]] [[w:Comedy film|comedy film]] produced by [[w:The Walt Disney Company|Walt Disney Productions]]. Directed by [[w:Wolfgang Reitherman|Wolfgang Reitherman]] and written by [[w:Bill Peet|Bill Peet]], it is narrated by [[w:Sterling Holloway|Sterling Holloway]] and stars [[w:Kevin Corcoran|Kevin Corcoran]]. It was released to theatrically in the United States on January 21, 1960 alongside the live-action ''[[w:Toby Tyler|Toby Tyler]]'' (also starring Corcoran). :''Directed by [[w:Wolfgang Reitherman|Wolfgang Reitherman]]. Produced by [[Walt Disney]]. Written by [[w:Bill Peet|Bill Peet]].'' ==Dialogue== :'''Goliath II's Mother''': ''[seeing that Eloise is about to walk on Goliath II without notice]'' '''ELOISE!''' ''[Eloise stops as Goliath II plays with a butterfly]'' Why don't you watch where you're going, you... you clumsy ox! :'''Eloise''': ''[furiously]'' Now, don't you 'clumsy ox' me! I can't watch out for your precious little brat; that's your worry. If you think I'm going to pussyfoot around the rest of my life just because... :'''Goliath II's Mother''': ''[seeing that Goliath II is about to be eaten up by a crocodile]'' Goliath! '''GOLIATH!''' ''[snatches him by the tail saving him as the crocodile chomps into nothing; worried]'' Oh, Goliath, what on earth will I ever do? ==Voice cast== * [[w:Kevin Corcoran|Kevin Corcoran]] as Goliath II. (uncredited) * [[w:Barbara Jo Allen|Barbara Jo Allen]] as Goliath II's Mother. (uncredited) * Reta Shaw as Eloise. (uncredited) * [[w:Paul Frees|Paul Frees]] as The Mouse and Goliath I. (uncredited) * Jimmy MacDonald as Rajah (uncredited) * [[w:Sterling Holloway|Sterling Holloway]] as Narrator. ==External links== {{wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title}} {{Walt Disney Animation Studios}} [[Category:1960 films]] [[Category:American animated short films]] [[Category:Traditionally animated short films]] [[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]] [[Category:Children's animated adventure short films]] [[Category:Animated films about elephants]] [[Category:Films about mice]] [[Category:Tiger films]] [[Category:Films about crocodilians]] [[Category:Films set in India]] [[Category:Films directed by Wolfgang Reitherman]] [[Category:The Walt Disney Company]] tkqx94pp0nfpilyllnels5t9jgw05g2 14 214573 3778564 2571213 2025-07-14T12:49:02Z UDScott 4304 Moving from [[Category:Activists]] to [[Category:Activists by issue]] using [[c:Help:Cat-a-lot|Cat-a-lot]] 3778564 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Activists by issue]] rxgqxpl04xupcja2xiry5j7hacpn7li 14 215175 3778585 3337811 2025-07-14T12:49:05Z UDScott 4304 Moving from [[Category:Activists]] to [[Category:Activists by issue]] using [[c:Help:Cat-a-lot|Cat-a-lot]] 3778585 wikitext text/x-wiki Category page focused on individuals who advocated for sexual freedom in both the field of politics and culture. [[Category:Activists by issue]] 13dyvq4grcqxs5xurh3wq1x473y9st7 0 217703 3778702 3688637 2025-07-14T13:55:45Z 廣九直通車 2343641 /* P */ +quote, indicating the special status of the RN (the Army and Air Force didn't enjoy such mention in their service Acts) 3778702 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Invincible Armada.jpg|thumb|The royal navy of England has ever been its greatest defence and ornament; it is its ancient and natural strength; the floating bulwark of the island. ~ [[William Blackstone]]]] The '''{{w|Royal Navy}}''' ('''RN''') is the {{w|United Kingdom}}'s [[Navy|naval warfare force]]. Although warships were used by [[England|English]] and [[Scotland|Scottish]] [[King|kings]] from the early [[Middle Ages|medieval period]], the first major maritime engagements were fought in the [[w:Hundred Years' War|Hundred Years' War]] against [[w:Kingdom of France|France]]. The modern Royal Navy traces its origins to the early 16th century; the oldest of the [[w:British Armed Forces|UK's armed services]], it is consequently known as the '''Senior Service'''. [[File:English White Ensign 1620.svg|thumb|In July 1642 [[Charles I of England|Charles I]]'s splendid navy defected to Parliament without firing a shot. Throughout the First English Civil War the king thus faced the humiliation of fighting his own 'royal' navy... While command of the navy could never guarantee victory, without it Parliament would have faced almost certain and rapid defeat. ~ Bernard Capp]] [[File:Battle of Quiberon Bay.jpg|thumb|Come cheer up, my lads! 'tis to glory we steer,<br>To add something more to this wonderful year ~ David Garrick]] [[File:Holman, Cape St Vincent.jpg|thumb|To honour we call you, as free men not slaves,<br>For who are so free as the sons of the waves? ~ David Garrick]] [[File:Hms hood Colorized-80a01d86-3474-11eb-9ba7-06afe61ae382.png|thumb|Heart of oak are our ships, heart of oak are our men;<br>We always are ready, steady, boys, steady! ~ David Garrick]] [[File:Victory Portsmouth um 1900.jpg|thumb|We'll fight and we'll conquer again and again. ~ David Garrick]] [[File:Irish Naval Service Colour.svg|thumb| The Irish army is held in high regard among most Irish people. It is seen as a manifestation of sovereignty, especially as the army claims an unbroken link with the insurrectionists of 1916. Unfortunately the Naval Service enjoys no such legacy; founded in 1946, its first commanding officer was from the Royal Navy. ~ Aidan McIvor]] [[File:HMSTrafalgarlaunch1841.jpg|thumb|Ever since the days of old the Navy's ruled the waves.<br>For years they've told the world that Britons never shall be slaves.<br>The Navy still remembers and you'll often hear them say<br>What Nelson told Napoleon upon Trafalgar day. ~ ''Bell-Bottom George'']] [[File:Turner, The Battle of Trafalgar (1822).jpg|thumb|It serves you right, you shouldn't have joined, it jolly well serves you right.<br>It serves you right, you shouldn't have joined, you might have been sitting tight<br>You might have been in Civvy Street instead of in the fight<br>But it serves you right, you shouldn't have joined, it jolly well serves you right. ~ ''Bell-Bottom George'']] __NOTOC__ {{TOCalpha}} == A == == B == * '''The royal navy of England has ever been its greatest defence and ornament; it is its ancient and natural strength; the floating bulwark of the island.''' ** Sir [[William Blackstone]] (1765), ''Commentaries, Volume I'', Book I, chapter xiii., p. 387 == C == * During the civil war the naval contribution to the parliamentary cause was secondary. [[Victory]] was decided on [[land]]. The fact that [[Parliament of the United Kingdom|Parliament]] had control of the navy was none the less vital in making victory possible. If the [[Monarchy of the United Kingdom|king]] had retained control of the fleet the royalists could have blockaded [[London]], and the resulting economic dislocation might easily have generated enough popular pressure to force Parliament into [[peace]] on almost any terms. During the war the navy's undramatic work in protecting commerce kept up the level of customs revenues and helped finance the war-effort. The navy was an effective deterrent to any foreign [[Monarchy|monarch]] tempted to send help to [[Charles I of England|Charles]]. It assisted land campaigns by transporting supplies and reinforcements and by providing mobile artillery. It played an important role in maintaining the outposts at [[w:Hull|Hull]] and [[w:Plymouth|Plymouth]], and contributed to the capture of [[w:Bristol|Bristol]] and [[w:Newcastle|Newcastle]]. The [[w:Robert_Rich,_2nd_Earl_of_Warwick|earl of Warwick]], as Lord High Admiral, and his vice-admiral and successor [[w:William_Batten|William Batten]] provided vigorous and effective leadership. ** Bernard Capp, ''Cromwell's Navy: The Fleet and the English Revolution, 1648-1660'' (1989), p. 2-3 * During the [[w:Interregnum|interregnum]] the navy's role was far more spectacular. The rulers of [[w:Continental_Europe|continental Europe]] were horrified by the [[w:Execution_of_Charles_I|execution of the king]] in January 1649 and all repudiated the new Commonwealth. The navy was thus needed to protect England from possible invasion and to force foreign powers to recognize the new regime. Over the next eleven years it was almost continuously in action, both defensive and offensive. ** Bernard Capp, ''Cromwell's Navy: The Fleet and the English Revolution, 1648-1660'' (1989), p. 3 * '''In July 1642 [[Charles I of England|Charles I]]'s splendid navy defected to [[Parliament of the United Kingdom|Parliament]] without firing a shot. Throughout the [[English Civil War|First English Civil War]] the king thus faced the humiliation of fighting his own 'royal' navy. Far more was at stake, of course, than injured pride. As Clarendon observed, the loss of the fleet was 'of unspeakable ill consequence to the king's affairs', and dealt a devastating blow to his chances of winning the war. While command of the navy could never guarantee victory, without it Parliament would have faced almost certain and rapid defeat.''' ** Bernard Capp, ''The Civil Wars: A Military History of England, Scotland and Ireland, 1638-1660'' (1998), edited by John Kenyon and Jane Ohlmeyer, p. 156 == D == == E == == F == * Ever since the days of old the Navy's ruled the waves.<br>For years they've told the world that [[British people|Britons]] never shall be slaves.<br>The Navy still remembers and you'll often hear them say<br>What [[Horatio Nelson|Nelson]] told [[Napoleon]] upon [[w:Battle_of_Trafalgar|Trafalgar]] day. ** George Formby, "It Serves Me Right", ''Bell-Bottom George'' (1943), directed by Marcel Varnel, written by Edward Dryhurst, Peter Fraser, John L. Arthur, Richard Fisher, and Peter Creswell * It serves you right, you shouldn't have joined, it jolly well serves you right.<br>It serves you right, you shouldn't have joined, you might have been sitting tight<br>You might have been in Civvy Street instead of in the fight<br>But it serves you right, you shouldn't have joined, it jolly well serves you right. ** George Formby, "It Serves Me Right", ''Bell-Bottom George'' (1943), directed by Marcel Varnel, written by Edward Dryhurst, Peter Fraser, John L. Arthur, Richard Fisher, and Peter Creswell == G == * '''Come cheer up, my lads! 'tis to glory we steer,'''<br>'''To add something more to this wonderful year;'''<br>'''To honour we call you, as free men not slaves,'''<br>'''For who are so free as the sons of the waves?''' ** David Garrick, author of the lyrics to the first verse of "Heart of Oak" in 1759, while the music was written by William Boyce. Originally written for the London stage, the song became quite popular and was subsequently adopted as the official quick march of the Royal Navy. * '''Heart of oak are our ships, heart of oak are our men;'''<br>'''We always are ready, steady, boys, steady!'''<br>'''We'll fight and we'll conquer again and again.''' ** David Garrick, chorus to "Heart of Oak" (1759) == H == == I == == J == == K == * The seeming helplessness of our cousins strikes me as amusing when it is not annoying. I am sure what they wish in their hearts is that we would haul down the [[Flag of the United States|Stars and Stripes]] and hoist the [[w:White_Ensign|White Ensign]] in all our ships. What particularly irks me is their strong liking for mixed forces, which as you know approached anathema to me. I am willing to take over additional tasks- and we have done so- but I cannot be expected to agree to help them cling to tasks that they themselves say they are unable to do unless we lend them our ships and other forces. I think we have done enough for them in their Home Fleet. ** [[Ernest King]], in a letter from King to Admiral Harold B. Stark in November 1943, as quoted in ''Churchill's Anchor: Admiral of the Fleet Sir Dudley Pound'' (2000) by Robin Brodhurst. == L == == M == * How groups of [[Human|humans]] contemplate and plan for wars is also affected by their culture, including [[geography]]. Island nations or those with long coasts have understood and invested heavily in sea power. In the case of Britain, its navy – tellingly called the Senior Service – has absorbed more resources and had much greater prestige over the centuries than its army. While paintings, poems, films and histories memorialise the great naval battles – Salamis, Lepanto, Trafalgar, Midway – when one navy destroyed another, the main strategic purpose of navies is to control the seas, and the highways hat criss-cross them, and prevent their enemies from doing so. Even today land communications are vulnerable to disruption, either man-made or natural; how much more so in the past before surfaced roads and railways? ** [[Margaret MacMillan]], ''War: How Conflict Shaped Us'' (2020) * Ever since humans began to build floating craft, water has been the most reliable way of moving people and material. Navies exist to protect their nations, their coasts, people and [[Transport|shipping]], and to project their power abroad. By landing troops on enemy coasts, acting as floating gun and aircraft platforms in more recent times to bring firepower to bear on land targets, or destroying enemy capacity to wage war, whether by sinking or seizing enemy and sometimes neutral shipping or blockading ports so that needed resources, including [[soldiers]], cannot move in or out, a powerful navy can make it difficult, even impossible, for its enemy to wage war on land or at sea. ‘We destroy the national life afloat,’ said the leading British naval theorist [[w:Julian_Corbett|Julian Corbett]], who taught generations of officers before the [[World War I|First World War]], ‘and therefore check the vitality of that life ashore, as far as one is dependent on the other.’ ** [[Margaret MacMillan]], ''War: How Conflict Shaped Us'' (2020) *[[Napoleon]] was supreme on the Continent but he never managed to defeat the British navy. As a result the British were able to send supplies and reinforcements to their allies and damage the [[w:economy_of_France|French economy]] by sinking [[France|French]] shipping and blockading French ports. In the [[World War I|First World War]] the British navy successfully enforced a naval blockade on [[German Empire|Germany]] which included interdicting goods which the British deemed necessary for the German war effort even if these were carried on neutral ships. While the impact of the blockade is still debated, senior German officers blamed it for their defeat. ‘We were in the end defeated by sea power,’ said [[Erich Raeder]], who headed the [[w:Kriegsmarine|German navy]] from 1928 to 1943, ‘which deprived us of our food and raw materials, and slowly throttled by the blockade.’ **[[Margaret MacMillan]], ''War: How Conflict Shaped Us'' (2020) * During the [[Irish Civil War|Civil War]] consideration was given by the [[Government of the United Kingdom|British government]] to using the Royal Navy to help the [[w:Free_State_Army|Free State Army]]. However, it was decided that such an action was unnecessary and would only embarrass the [[w:Irish_Provisional_Government|Provisional government]] in [[Dublin]]. The Royal Navy remained aloof during the conflict, although its presence dominated [[Ireland]]'s coastal waters. ** Aidan McIvor, ''A History of the Irish Naval Service'' (1994), p. 46 * '''The Irish army is held in high regard among most Irish people. It is seen as a manifestation of [[sovereignty]], especially as the army claims an unbroken link with the [[w:Easter_Uprising|insurrectionists of 1916]]. Unfortunately the Naval Service enjoys no such legacy; founded in 1946, its first commanding officer was from the Royal Navy.''' ** Aidan McIvor, ''A History of the Irish Naval Service'' (1994), p. 220 == N == == O == == P == * WHEREAS it is expedient to amend the law relating to the government of Her Majesty’s Navy, '''whereon, under the good Providence of [[God]], the wealth, safety and strength of [[United Kingdom|the Kingdom]] so much depend:''' ** [[Parliament of the United Kingdom]], Preamble of {{w|Naval Discipline Act 1957}} == Q == == R == * '''"Si vis pacem, para bellum" (Latin) (If you wish for peace, prepare for war)''' ** [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Royal_Navy Royal Navy]'s Motto == S == == T == * I am not talking about failure, I am talking about my supreme confidence in the [[Royal Navy|British fleet]]...superlative ships, excellent equipment, the most highly trained professional group of men, the most honourable and brave members of Her Majesty's Service. '''Failure? Do you remember what [[Victoria of the United Kingdom|Queen Victoria]] once said? “Failure—the possibilities do not exist”.''' That is the way we must look at it, with all our [[professionalism]], all our flair and every single bit of native cunning, every single bit of professionalism and all our equipment and we must go out calmly, quietly, to succeed. ** [[Margaret Thatcher]], [http://www.margaretthatcher.org/document/104913 TV Interview for ITN (5 April 1982)] regarding the Falkland Islands == U == == V == == W == == X == == Y == == Z == ==External links== *{{Wikipedia-inline}} [[Category:Navies]] [[Category:British Armed Forces]] mi405dd8ehozf4py6tsg5200mc2lfb2 0 222620 3778842 3776779 2025-07-14T20:16:46Z 2001:8003:DD49:F700:7CE2:F3C:CD2C:140C /* Dragons Rising */ 3778842 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''Seasons''': [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 1)|1]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 2)|2]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 3)|3]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 4)|4]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 5): Ninja Tribunal|5: Ninja Tribunal]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Fast Forward|6: Fast Forward]] / [[TMNT: Back to the Sewer|7: Back to the Sewer]] | '''Film''': [[Turtles Forever]] | [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003 TV series)|Main]] ---------------- The following is a list of quotes from the fourth season of the 2003 series '''''[[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003 TV series)|Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles]]'''''. ==Cousin Sid== * This is the Season 4 premiere. This marks the debut appearance of Casey Jones's cousin Sid. <hr width=50%/> :'''[[w:Splinter (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Master Splinter]]''': ''(Narrating)'' Life moves as the wheel of destiny turns, day to night, night to day. [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 3)|Our fight with the Shredder nearly cost us our lives.]] We are broken, battered, but alive. Our bodies will heal but I wonder: Do my sons carry other wounds not so easily overcome? I know with a great heaviness that there will always be some new threat to challenge us. I only pray my sons will be prepared to face it... <hr width=50%/> :''[The episode opens with a view of the Jones’ family farmhouse at night. Cut to the interior. The front door opens, and April enters with Master Splinter. He is injured and she is supporting him.]'' :'''April O'Neil''': Just a little bit further, Master Splinter. :''[Donatello and Michelangelo enter next. Donatello’s arm is in a sling and Michelangelo is on crutches with casts on his legs.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Finally. Now, someone give me a fork or something. You have no idea how bad my legs itch. :'''Donatello''': Yeah, we do, Mikey. We heard about it the whole trip. :''[Last to enter are Casey Jones, Raphael, and Leonardo. Casey and Leonardo are supporting Raphael. The two turtles have bandages wrapped around their bodies. April helps Splinter onto a chair.]'' :'''Splinter''': Thank you, April. I am not as young as I once was. Wound's take longer to heal. :'''Michelangelo''': I'm still as young as I once was, and I don't feel like I'm ever going to heal! :''[Casey and Leonardo helps Raphael to lie down on the couch.]'' :'''Raphael''': Too bad you didn't break your jaw. Maybe we’d finally get a little peace and quiet around here. ''[bones cracking]'' Ow. :'''Michelangelo''': ''[sits in a chair next to Splinter’s and props his legs up.]'' Ahh! That's... better? ''[sniffs]'' Ew! What's that smell?! It smells like burnt – ''[He glances over at his father.]'' Oh, right. Sorry, Sensei. :'''April''':All right. Who's hungry? :'''Donatello''': Me! :'''Michelangelo''': I am! :'''Donatello''': I am! :'''Casey Jones''': Over here! :''[Leonardo is standing at the window, staring into the yard.]'' :'''April''': Leo? :'''Splinter''': Leonardo? :'''Leonardo''': I'm fine. <hr width=50%/> :'''April''': ''[grabs the fork from Michelangelo]'' No scratching. <hr width=50%/> : '''Raphael''': Hey, I like it when Leo acts tough. We should get Karai to stab him more often. :''(Leo angrily glares)'' :'''Mikey''': Easy Leo. Leave Raph to me. Raph needs a hiding place. Don't you, Raphie boy? And I got just the spot. :'''Raph''': Hiding spot? ''[Leonardo and Donatello carry him to a closet.]'' Don't even... No way am I missing this action. ==The People's Choice== :'''[[w:Michelangelo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Michelangelo]]''': ''(Narrating)'' Who would have guessed that getting back to nature with my bro's would turn into a sci-fi marathon? There's nothing cooler than slimy, slippery space-creatures, giant alien blobs, cosmic rock creatures with a bad attitude, or intergalactic catfight! And here I thought our camping trip was going to be boring. Silly me! <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> ==Sons of the Silent Age== :'''[[w:April O'Neil|April O'Neil]]''': ''(Narrating)'' I love nature. Its beauty, its balance and perfection. Nature reminds me of what I learned in school about the scientist Charles Darwin. Darwin believed in the survival of the fittest. He explained how life on Earth could be defined simply as the struggle for existence. But, it seems to me that the struggle for existence is never very simple. <hr width=50%/> :'''April''': Are you okay, Leo? I know something’s been bothering you. :'''Leonardo''': Yeah, I... I don’t know. Well, I guess I do. It’s... I just can’t stop thinking about the last time we faced off against the Shredder. ''[clenches his fist.]'' That the only way that we could’ve defeated him was by blowing ourselves up. I couldn’t protect my brothers, my master. ''[punches a fist into the palm of his other hand.]'' I feel like such a complete failure, and no matter how I try to rationalize it, justify it, it always comes down to the fact that I wasn’t good enough. <hr width=50%/> :'''Raphael''': Then the first thing we have ta' do is sneak in there. :'''Michelangelo''': Right, and like the Three Musketeers used to say, "One for all and all for ninja mode." Course, I'm paraphrasing. ''[smack]'' Owww! :'''Raph''': What is wrong with you? :'''Mikey''': What? ==Dragon's Brew== * This is the only episodes in the series to not feature Raph (despite being mentioned), Mikey, and Donnie. <hr width=50%/> :'''Hun''': ''(Narrating)'' This is the dawning of a new age. I have seen the past and I have touched the future. I have learned from my late great master that preparation is everything and I am prepared. Our destiny will soon be at hand. Nothing can stop us now. Nothing. <hr width=50%/> :'''Casey''': Ha~ah! :'''Hun''': Jones! Uh! :'''Casey''': ''[elbows him in the gut and then sweeps his feet from under him with a hockey stick.]'' You and me, we got unfinished business! :'''Hun''': Bring it on. ''[Leonardo hops onto a box behind him.]'' Thought you turtles were destroyed. :'''Leonardo''': There’s a lot of that going around. :'''Casey''': He’s mine, Leo! :'''Leonardo''': I’ll just soften him up a little for you. <hr width=50%/> :'''Boy''': Mommy, I was dreaming about Daddy. It was horrible! :'''Mother''': It’s okay, Sweetie. Daddy is in a better place, remember? ==I, Monster== * This marks the debut appearance of Rat King. <hr width=50%/> :'''Rat King''': ''(Narrating)'' I awoke in the mud and the slime of a filthy river. I don't know where I am or even who I am. I'm haunted by glimpses... momentary fragments of a life I think I had. But what life do I have now? What am I, but a monster? And now all will fear me... because everything fears the monster. <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> ==Grudge Match== :'''[[w:Raphael (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Raphael]]''': ''(Narrating)'' It may look like just another day in the Battle Nexus, with the crowds and the cheering, but trust me, this day was gonna be special. I was looking forward to somebody finally shutting Mikey up about being Battle Nexus Champion. But it was starting to look like they were gonna shut Mikey up permanently. <hr width=50%/> :'''Master Splinter''': Yes. Pizza sounds very appetizing right now, with pepperoni and ''karma''. ==A Wing and a Prayer== * This marks the debut appearance of Raptarr. <hr width=50%/> :'''Raptarr''': ''(Narrating)'' Long have I watched over the world of man, and have I've been sickened by the ruthless acts of a soulless few. But through it all, I have learned more of who I am. Some call me "Hunter". Some call me "Protector". Whatever I am called, I have vowed to be this world's guardian angel. <hr width=50%/> ==Bad Day== :'''[[w:Donatello (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Donatello]]''': ''(Narrating)'' OK, pop quiz: If a dozen of Agent Bishop's deadly commandos are chasing you at ninety miles an hour from points A, B, and C, what are the odds you're gonna survive the next five minutes? <hr width=50%/> :'''Master Splinter''': Perhaps, but I am not speaking to you. I wait for my true foes to reveal themselves. You cannot touch me! :'''Foot Mystic''': This one is more powerful than we imagined. <hr width=50%/> :'''Karai''': Fools! Another failure!? :'''Fire Mystic''': Our encounter has given information that will be useful to us. But we did not expect our forces to be breached. :'''Karai''': And you recklessly revealed your presence to the rodent! :'''Water Mystic''': We assure you, we have gained enough knowledge for our next assault. :'''Karai''': Then make it so! Otherwise, when I attack, I assure you it will be no illusion!! ==Aliens Among Us== :'''Agent Bishop''': ''(Narrating)'' For more years than I can remember I have stood watch. Preparing for a day I've long known was inevitable. The alien threat is real. And the world has suffered at the hand of these invaders. The world must be prepared it must always be vigilant. And I will make sure it is, no matter what the cost. ==Dragons Rising== * This marks the only appearance of Arnold Casey Jones Sr., the late father of [[w:Casey Jones (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Casey Jones]] in flashbacks <hr width=50%/> :'''[[w:Casey Jones (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Casey Jones]]''': ''(Narrating)'' You know, it's taken me quite a while, but I've really come a long way. I finally got my temper under control. However, there are still a few certain things that can really make my blood boil. Hun is one of them certain things. ''[Flashback to younger Hun and Casey]'' Me and him, we go way back. See, when I was a kid, a gang of street punks was shaking my old man down for protection money. It was Hun and the Purple Dragons. When my old man wouldn't pay him, they torched our store. :'''Hun''': ''[grabs young Casey]'' You tell your old man punk, Next time pay up or else. ''[drops young Casey and walks off with the Purple dragons gang as young Casey watches sadly flashbacks end]'' :'''Casey Jones''': ''(Narrating)'' Yeah, me and him, we still got a score to settle. No matter how I try to plan out this problem, the two of us are headed for a bad, bad, showdown. :''[Casey and Hun grapple with each other atop a truck moving at high speed.]'' :'''Casey Jones''': ''(Narrating)'' Who knows? Maybe I haven't come as far as I thought. <hr width=50%/> :'''Mrs. Jones''': Arnold, please. Is too dangerous. :'''Young Casey''': Please, Pops, don’t go. :'''Arnold Jones Sr.''': ''[squats down and places a hand on his son's shoulder.]'' I gotta, kiddo. I put everything we had into that store. I can’t just let them get away with this. I’m going to the police. :'''Young Casey''': But they said no cops. They said if you— :'''Arnold Jones Sr.''': Casey, sometimes you just gotta stand up for what’s right, even if the odds are against you. Even if you’re all alone. You gotta just stand up and do the right thing. <hr width=50%/> : ''[Casey, Raphael, Michelangelo and Donatello are inside the Battle Shell and Leonardo stands behind the vehicle outside and crossed his arms]'' :'''Raphael''': Come on, Leo, get in. :'''Michelangelo''': Let’s go home, bro. ''[Leonardo doesn’t move]'' :'''Raph''': '''Now what!?''' ''[groans]'' :'''Leonardo''': ''[angrily]'' We ''didn't'' finish the job. We blew it. Again! '''We blew it!''' :'''Donatello''': We ''did'' the best we could. At least we stopped half the convoy. :'''Leo''': ''[angrily]'' '''Half'''. We stopped '''half'''. And only because we got lucky. ''[and looks at his brothers and Casey]'' Is that good enough for you? Is it!? We're always one step behind. We ''act'' like a bunch of '''amateurs'''! How many more times are we gonna get beaten before you guys '''wise up and realize''' <big><big>'''this isn't a game!?'''</big></big> ''[turns around and storms off alone]'' :'''Raph''': ''[stands up and flips the switch to close the back doors]'' I hate to admit it, but he ''ain't'' wrong. : ''[Donatello starts the Battle Shell and drives away, Casey walks up next to him]'' :'''Casey''': Hey, Donny, drive by the cemetery, will ya’? I got an important stop I need to make. <hr width=50%/> : ''[Morning came as Donatello, Raphael and Michelangelo wait at the Battle Shell as Casey enters the cemetery, he walks up to his father’s grave]'' :'''Casey''': Hey, Pops, I brought ya’ something. ''[kneels and places the torn piece of jacket from Hun on the grave, the marker reads “Arnold Casey Jones Sr. Beloved Husband, Father and Friend.”]'' You spoke true, Pop. No matter what, you gotta stand up and do the right thing. But I guess I’m lucky. Even when the odds are against me, I ain’t alone. ''[stands up]'' I got friends. Good friends. :''[The three turtles stand together and watching him as the morning sun rises]'' ==Still Nobody== :'''Nobody''': ''(Narrating)'' Watching over the city, I have learned the sad truth that violence begins violence. They say nobody can break the cycle. That nobody cares. Nobody can do anything about it. Nobody tries to change things and they're right. Because I'm still Nobody and I do care. I will try to change things. I will make a difference. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': Don't stop. Mikey, you left your shell cell on. :'''Michelangelo''': I'm sorry mister 'I'm going to pump you up' Leonardo, but I didn’t know we'd be doing a pull-up marathon. ''[Donatello pops him on the back of the head.]'' Ow! :'''Raphael''': Whoa, Don. Don't smack Mikey. ''[He pops Michelangelo.]'' That's my job. :'''Michelangelo''': Hey! Do I look like a piñata? :'''Donatello''': ''[to Michelangelo]'' Just answer your phone. :'''Michelangelo''': Talk to the turtle. ''[They all continue the pull-ups.]'' Hey, long time no hear. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. No problem. We'll be there. :'''Raphael''': ''[to Michelangelo]'' Who was it? :'''Michelangelo''': Nobody. <hr width=50%/> :'''Fang''': Yes, Master Hun? :'''Hun''': Scratch Jencko and his Turks off of our list of possible recruits, and see if you can retrieve any of the hardware we sold that punk. ''[The limo arrives in front of the “Oroku Saki Memorial Library”.]'' Seems a shame to waste it. :''[Hun steps out of the limo.]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[Inside, people are milling about, talking to one another. Karai steps up to the podium in front of a large, draped object. Reporters begin taking pictures as the crowd quiets down.]'' :'''Karai''': Thank you all for coming to this dedication of the new Oroku Saki Memorial Library. One final gift from my late father to the city that he loved. ''[The drape is pulled off of a huge statue of Oroku Saki. Everyone applauds.]'' It is a great honor to dedicate my life to carrying on my father’s humanitarian efforts, even though he is gone, taken from us too soon. <hr width=50%/> :'''Hun''': ''(sarcastic)'' Lovely party, Karai. :'''Karai''': Hun. I did not expect to see you at this dedication. :'''Hun''': ''[stands up]'' Explain something to me, Karai! You do all this in the name of the Shredder. ''He'' was a alien slug! How could you have known that and still serve him?! :'''Karai''': The Shredder gave me a life. He was my father, and I vow in his name, and I will hunt down those who destroyed him and make them pay with their lives! ==All Hallows Thieves== :'''Raphael''': ''(Narrating)'' Halloween in New York City. One of my favorite times of the year. A day where no matter how odd, how freaky, or scary you might be, you fit in with everyone else. A day when girls and boys all over the city dress as their favorite monsters and heroes and get free candy. A day when even a teenage mutant ninja turtle can walk around in the open. Of course, some Halloweens are filled with more tricks than treats. Maybe this year, we should've stayed home and rented scary movies. ==Samurai Tourist== :'''Miyamoto Usagi''': ''(Narrating)'' The paths we walk in life are different for each of us. Some walk the land without a care in the world while some choose to take on burdens that would crush the spirits of most. The land cares little of which path you choose. But its inhabitants are another matter entirely. Clearly, this is not our land. Gennosuke and I came to visit old friends, but I fear now that our presence has done more harm than good. <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> :'''Splinter''': Thank you, Miyamoto Usagi. When I asked you to come, I hoped you could reach him, but I fear my son is now traveling down a difficult path. A path it seems he must travel alone. :'''Usagi''': I wish you good luck, Master Splinter. Farewell, my friends. ''[pushes Kojima into the portal.]'' :'''Gennosuke''': So long boys! ''[chuckling]'' :''[Gennosuke follows Usagi into the portal. Suddenly...]'' :'''Michelangelo''': ''[scream, appears on the upper landing.]'' Stop him! Don’t let him go! :'''Donatello''': Mikey? ''[The portal vanishes.]'' :'''Raphael''': What now, shell for brains? :'''Michelangelo''': My Silver Sentry comics. Gen, he-- he took ‘em. All of ‘em. '''No!''' ==The Ancient One== * This marks the debut appearance of the Ancient One. <hr width=50%/> :'''[[w:Leonardo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Leonardo]]''': ''(Narrating)'' I've traveled thousands of miles looking for an answer, only to wind up here, halfway across the world in the middle of nowhere, battling it out with four nasty creatures, more ghosts than man, but who's steel is all too real. Meanwhile, my traveling companion, some gross slob who attached himself to me like a bloated tick, doesn't do a thing to help out. He just sits there, grinning like a fool, leaving me to fight for both our lives. I've journeyed all across the world in search for answers, and instead, all I'm gonna get is my head chopped off. <hr width=50%/> :''[The episode begins inside the turtles’ lair, as Leonardo and Splinter spar.]'' :'''Leonardo''': I already told you, I’m fine. :'''Master Splinter''': You are sure?! :''[Michelangelo lowers his comic book and grimaces.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Nothing’s the matter, Sensei. Why do you keep asking me that?! :'''Master Splinter''': So much anger. The unopened bottle will burst when its internal pressure becomes too much to bear. ''[Donatello spots Raphael at the weight bench.]'' For months now you have been brooding, surly, and stubborn. :''[Donatello appears worried.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Yeah, right. :''[Donatello and Raphael glance at one another. Shift to Splinter and Leonardo, who are sparring with swords.]'' :'''Master Splinter''': You have not been yourself. You must release what festers within you. Your family will help you, Leonardo. It is important that we be open with one another. :''[Leonardo attacks and manages to disarm Splinter. He then angrily confronts his father.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Open?! Okay, this Katana lesson stinks! I've mastered this years ago! '''YEARS AGO'''!! :'''Master Splinter''': ''[stares at him and then retrieves the sword.]'' It is not the students choice to say when a lesson is learned. ''[He attacks.]'' The student’s place is to listen and learn. :''[The sparring grows fierce and the other turtles gather to watch.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Something tells me the cork’s about to pop on that unopened bottle. :'''Raphael''': That hothead. ''[Donatello and Michelangelo look at him]'' I hate it when Leo reminds me of me. :'''Leonardo''': I've already mastered this lesson! ''[shoves Splinter.]'' And yesterday's lesson! And the lesson before that! '''WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO TEACH ME''' ''[disarms Splinter.]'' '''SOMETHING I DON'T ALREADY KNOW?!!!''' ''[slashes at Splinter and slices his head. The other turtles run to their father as he drops to one knee and grabs his head.]'' :'''Donatello''': Master Splinter! :'''Michelangelo''': Are you okay? ''[Leonardo drops his sword.]'' :'''Raphael''': Leo! What the shell is your problem!? :'''Leonardo''': ''[shoves past Raphael]'' Master! ''[and Donatello]'' Master, I’m so sorry. I-I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just… I just lost control. ''[He hangs his head.]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[Later, Master Splinter kneels in his room, which is candle lit. There is a bandage on his head. Leonardo stands in the doorway.]'' :'''Splinter''': Sit down, my son. :''[Leonardo enters, slides the door shut, and kneels before his father.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Master, I-I don’t know what to say. :'''Splinter''': Say nothing, listen. We were all badly wounded in our final confrontation with the Shredder. Your brothers and I have healed, but you have not. I have meditated long and hard on this matter, and now realize that you are correct. :'''Leonardo''': Huh? :'''Splinter''': It is time for you to move on. It is time for you to study with a new sensei. :'''Leonardo''': But-but, Master, I don’t want a new sensei. I’m happy here with you. ''[Donatello, Michelangelo and Raphael are listening at the door.]'' I know there’s so much more that you can teach me. :'''Splinter''': No, my son. It is as it must be. ''[Both stand and Splinter goes to the shelves on his back wall.]'' Now, there is but one master in all the world that I would entrust my son’s well-being to. He is wise, honorable, and highly skilled. He is called the Ancient One, ''[He looks at a picture of Hamato Yoshi.]'' and he was the sensei to my sensei, Hamato Yoshi. You must make a pilgrimage, a pilgrimage halfway across the world. :'''Leonardo''': But, Sensei… :'''Splinter''': Come, let us prepare you for your journey. <hr width=50%/> :''[He pushes Leonardo back and swings at him. As Leonardo fights, he has a flashback to Donatello, aboard Shredder’s starship during [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 3)|Exodus part 2]], as the engine starts to overload.]'' :'''Donatello''': Help me! I’m hurt! ''[echoes]'' :'''Michelangelo''': We’re not gonna make it! Leo, help me! ''[echoes]'' :'''Raphael''': Leo, the Shredder’s coming for us! You gotta do something! ''[echoes]'' :'''Splinter''': Save us, Leonardo! We are all counting on you, my son. ''[echoes]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Ancient One''': If there was nothing more you could have done, why do you punish yourself so? :'''Leonardo''': I finally understand. ''[He turns and walks back to the short man and then drops to one knee.]'' Ancient One. I am honored. :'''Ancient One''': Took you long enough, Leonardo. <hr width=50%/> :'''Ancient One''': Now, Leonardo, tell an old man just what it is you think you have learned. ''[hands a bowl to Leonardo.]'' :'''Leonardo''': I guess I’ve been… I’ve been obsessed with failing. I hardened my heart like a rock; wrapped up inside my own shell. Trying to be perfect; thinking I wasn’t good enough, that I needed to be better. So angry… so…. ''[The Ancient One raps him on the head with a bamboo stick.]'' Ow! What? :'''Ancient One''': Too many words. Explain simply. :'''Leonardo''': I’ve been my own worst enemy. :'''Ancient One''': Much better. Now, relax and enjoy your tea, and let me tell you a tale of Master Yoshi. Yoshi found himself at a crossroads, not dissimilar to your own. ==Scion of the Shredder== * [[w:Karai (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Karai]] assumes the legacy of her adopted Utrom father and becomes the new Shredder and the Ninja Turtles' sworn enemy, especially toward Leo. <hr width=50%/> :'''Donatello''': ''(Narrating)'' I've been worried a lot lately. For starters, I'm worried about the Foot. They're back... and they're tougher than ever. And... I'm worried about my brother, Leonardo. He's on a quest to parts unknown, and I'm worried he's not gonna find what he's been looking for. But mostly... I'm worried that Leo won't find us alive when he gets back. Master Splinter tells me that I worry too much. Okay, you tell me. Should I be worried? <hr width=50%/> :''[The episode opens inside the turtles’ lair. Raphael is working out on his punching bag. Donatello is strapped into a harness, suspended over the Shell Sub where he is doing some welding. Michelangelo is seated on the couch with Klunk next to him. He is stacking playing cards while Master Splinter looks on.]'' :'''Splinter''': That is an impressive edifice, Michelangelo. Dare I ask how many hours you have spent building it? :'''Michelangelo''': Good question, Sensei. Hey, Raph, what time is it? :'''Raphael''': Like I wear a watch? How should I know? Hey, Donny, what time is it? :'''Donatello''': Beats me. Ask Leo. ''[He cuts off the welding torch and his brothers stop what they are doing. Splinter lowers his head with a sigh.]'' Sorry. Leo’s been gone more than two months and I still forget he’s not here. :'''Raphael''': Master Splinter, when’s that bum coming back anyway? :''[Donatello and Raphael walk over to join the others.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': And is Leo coming back normal, or like, more normal? ‘Cause before he left he was acting kinda, you know... ''[He twirls a finger next to his temple and Raphael slaps the back of his head.]'' Ow! Hey! :'''Splinter''': I do not know, my sons. Leonardo is on a pilgrimage to find the Ancient One, and to find answers. Such things are beyond time. :'''Donatello''': Well, I miss having him around. :'''Splinter''': As do we all. We must have faith that he will return when he is ready. <hr width=50%/> :'''Ancient One''': Leonardo, your family is in grave danger. :'''Leonardo''': What?! ''[jumps up and leaps over to join the Ancient One, who nods at him.]'' I understand, Sensei. <hr width=50%/> :'''Michelangelo''': Um, what is that? :''[The turtles pull their weapons. Klunk curls around Michelangelo’s ankle.]'' :'''Raphael''': Whatever it is, it’s coming through the front door! :''[The banging continues and the heavily fortified lair entrance bulges. The lair shakes and stones fall. The door shifts to one side and a brace rips loose, then the door falls. Splinter and the turtles rush towards the ramp and watch as two huge Foot mechs, called Shrednauts, crash through the wall and enter the lair. The Shrednauts pause and Foot ninja run into the lair.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': What the...? The Foot! :'''Donatello''': But how? How did ''they'' find us? :'''Raphael''': Don’t matter how they found us, they found us. Now let’s kick the shell out of ‘em! ''[He rushes to meet some advancing ninja.]'' '''Get... out... of... my house!!''' <hr width=50%/> :'''Raphael''': Oh, shell! :'''Donatello''': No way! It can’t be him! :'''Michelangelo''': Master Splinter, any chance this is just another mystical attack? :'''Splinter''': No, my son, this is real. All too real. :'''Donnie''': The Shredder! But, the Utroms sentenced him to exile. :'''Raph''': Yeah? Well, it didn’t take. :''[The dust around the Shredder swirls and then the four Foot Elite appear.]'' :'''Karai''': Oroku Saki is gone, thanks to you, but the Shredder lives on! ''[She removes her helmet to reveal herself.]'' :'''Donnie''': Karai! :'''Splinter''': So the daughter of Oroku Saki has become the Shredder. Why? :'''Karai''': Honor demands it, Splinter-san. After you helped the vile Utroms exile my father, I vowed to avenge his honor! :'''Splinter''': You dare speak of honor!? Your father murdered my Master Yoshi! Your father had no honor! :'''Karai''': You will pay for your lie! ''All of you!!'' Where is Leonardo?! :'''Raph''': He ain't here. :'''Mikey''': You know, you just missed him, but if you leave right now, we'll tell him that you stopped by. :'''Karai''': You mock me. The fact that you still live mocks me!! ''[She dons the helmet.]'' That all ends now! ''Destroy them!'' Leave no one alive. <hr width80%> :'''Splinter''': Master Yoshi's orb. ''[Karai brakes it]'' No!! :'''Karai''': Your sons destroyed my father! Now I will repay them in kind! ''I'' begged Leonardo to let him go, but ''he'' would not listen to reason!! :'''Splinter''': It is ''you'' who has been blinded to ''reason!'' Oroku Saki was a murderer! But ''you'' will ''not'' allow yourself to see the truth!! :'''Karai''': I see clearly, rat! and you will pay for what you have done to me! :'''Splinter''': I reached out to you! I hoped that you would turn away from evil, but I can see now that has consumed you!! You are faster than your father. I will give you that, but your dark heart will betray you, just as his did! :'''Karai''': You are not even worthy to speak of my father, rodent!! I will silence your treacherous tongue once and for all!! <hr width80%> :'''Raph''': Donnie, you take Master Splinter with you. We split up, get out, and hook back up again topside. Got it? ''[They jump as a Shrednaut strikes the ledge they were on.]'' Now let’s go! And guys, be careful. <hr width80%> :''[Meanwhile, Karai is still inside the lair.]'' :'''Karai''': In the name of Oroku Saki, ''Find them!!'' They must not be allowed to live. ''[The Foot bow to her and run to do her bidding.]'' And tear this filthy place apart, Leave nothing standing! :''[The Shrednauts begin firing, taking down support pillars and blasting the ceiling with missiles. Karai laughs as the turtles’ home is destroyed.]'' <hr width80%> :''[To the river, where Donatello, piloting the Shell Sub, is trying to shake his pursuers. The Foot fire torpedoes.]'' :'''Donatello''': Hold on, Master Splinter. :''He pulls back hard on the steering column and the Shell Sub goes straight up. The torpedoes hit each other and explode. The Foot manage to get in front of him and one fires his torpedoes, scoring a direct hit on the underbelly of the Shell Sub. The sub flips over, water beginning to drip into the interior.'' :'''Donatello''': I don’t have enough firepower to fight all of them. Unless… ''[glances at a set of controls.]'' Hang on, Master Splinter. I’ve got an idea. :''[He presses a set of buttons and the Shell Sub rights itself. Torpedoes launch and fire directly into the river bottom, where they raise a dust cloud. Donatello manages to keep the sub upright and land it at the center of the dust cloud. River bottom dirt covers the sub as it settles on the bottom. The Foot converge on the spot where it went down. Inside, Donatello forces open the door and water floods into the cabin. He gives the diving gear to Splinter and then takes a deep breath before kicking a gear and then swimming out of the sub. Suddenly, the Shell Sub emerges and shoots straight upwards. Donatello and Splinter peek up out of the dirt to watch the Foot go after it and fire multiple torpedoes, all of which hit the sub. It explodes, and the remains sink to the river bottom.]'' :'''Underwater Foot Ninja''': Mistress Karai, Donatello and the rat have been destroyed. :'''Karai''': ''[on radio]'' Excellent. Most excellent. :''[The Foot leave. Donatello and Splinter pass the breathing mask back and forth as they swim for the surface.]'' <hr width80%> :''[Michelangelo punches through a wall with the Tunneler and enters the subway tunnels. He drives straight across tracks and drills through another wall to reach another sewer tunnel, with the Shrednaut in hot pursuit. he opens the door]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Hang on, Klunk! ''[jumps out of the Tunneler and dives for cover in the side tunnel. The Tunneler speeds away with the Shrednaut in pursuit. The Shrednaut fires several missiles and hits the Tunneler, which rolls over and crashes.]'' :'''Foot Technician''': Foot Mech Four to Base. Michelangelo is finished. :'''Karai''': ''[on radio]'' Excellent. :''[Michelangelo runs away from the area, carrying Klunk with him.]'' <hr width80%> :'''Karai''': ''[Cut to an overhead view of the city.]'' All that remains is Leonardo. ==Prodigal Son== * Leo becomes less trustful towards Karai since this episode. However, he still appears to have feelings for her as he spared her life. <hr width80%> :'''[[w:Karai (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Karai]]''': ''(Praying)'' Honorable father, though you are imprisoned among the stars, I bring you news that will set free your soul. I, your humble daughter, Karai, discovered the lair of your most hated enemies and led a full Foot attack force against them. Utterly defeated, all they could was flee. Donatello and the rat we left destroyed at the bottom of the river. Michelangelo tried to burrow his way into safety, but he could not dig deep enough to escape my wrath. And Raphael was blown to smithereens in the turtles' own Battle Shell. All that remains is Leonardo, father, and once I find him, then you will truly and forever be avenged! <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': Man! I really missed this old place. ''[sees the ruins of the Lair]'' Oh no, the lair!! ''[strips off his coat and draws a katana before entering.]'' No!! What happened here!? ''[picks up a broken Shell Cell, looks around, and continues on, finding that the lair has almost been completely destroyed. Poised on a ledge above, a Shrednaut’s lights come on. It captures Leonardo’s presence in its view screen and jumps down in front of him. The Foot Technician inside the Shrednaut opens fire, but Leonardo leaps to safety and pulls his second sword.]'' '''You dare come into my home and do this?!!''' ''[jumps at the control pod where the Technician sits and slices into it, causing the Shrednaut to tumble backwards and power down. Leonardo then slices open the harness which holds the Technician in his seat. Leonardo spots the emblem on the Technician’s shirt.]'' The Foot. ''[grabs the Technician by the shirt front and lifts him.]'' '''My family, where are they?!!''' :'''Foot Technician''': You’ll get nothing from me! :''[He presses a button and sparks begin to fly from the Shrednaut’s body. Leonardo leaps away and the Technician flees the machine. Leonardo races out of the lair as the Shrednaut overloads and explodes. The explosion sends Leonardo flying partway down the tunnel, but he is unhurt.]'' :'''Leonardo''': I need some answers. <hr width=50%/> :'''April O'Neil''': ''[from her warning note]'' Leo, I'm so sorry. I not sure what to say, the others are... Karai said she got them all. ''She'' left this. She says your next. Be careful. :'''Leonardo''': No! It can't be! Karai is ''lying!'' They’re alive, I know it! <hr width=50%/> :''[At the Foot Headquarters. A helicopter comes in for a landing and Karai steps out. A Foot ninja meets her and delivers a report.]'' :'''Foot Ninja''': Mistress Karai, we just received the report. The Shrednaut unit stationed in the turtles’ lair was destroyed. :'''Karai''': Leonardo. Deploy all available Foot ninja. Search the city. ''Destroy him!'' ''[The ninja bows and leaves.]'' This night my beloved father will truly be avenged! <hr width=50%/> :''[Leonardo enters an abandoned building through the broken skylight. Behind him, Donatello sees only a shadowed form and draws his bō. Hearing the sound, Leonardo draws a sword and spins around.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Donny? It’s me. :'''Donatello''': Ah, Leo. ''[limps towards his brother.]'' You’re back! :''[They shake hands in greeting.]'' :'''Leonardo''': You okay? :'''Splinter''': My son. :'''Leonardo''': Master Splinter. ''[His father comes out of the shadows, holding his side.]'' I knew it. I knew you were both alive. Don’t worry, Sensei, everything’s gonna be okay. I promise. :'''Donatello''': Oh man, it’s good to see you, bro’. :'''Leonardo''': We have to get both of you out of here before any more Foot show up. <hr width=50%/> :''[Cut to a long range view of {{w|Belvedere Castle}}. A manhole cover slides into place on a trail in {{w|Central Park}}. In the tunnels below, Leonardo leads the way, illuminating their path with his flashlight.]'' :'''Leonardo''': We need to find a safe place for you two to rest and recuperate. Some place far from the old lair. ''[He brushes the dirt off of a sign which reads “Reservoir Pump Station”. Following the arrow on the sign, the trio find a boarded up entrance. he removes the boards and then opens the metal door. He flashes the light around before descending a short set of stairs onto a metal catwalk. The space is huge, with catwalks leading in several directions.]'' This oughta do for now. :'''Donatello''': This must be one of the earlier pumping stations for the reservoir. I think I’ve seen it on some of the old city planning. ''[He looks around at the expansive space and whistles.]'' Very nice! :'''Splinter''': Leonardo, now that Donatello and I are safe… :'''Leonardo''': I’m already on it, Master Splinter. I’ll find them. ''[He races out of the station.]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Raphael''': I ''can't'' believe Karai did this to '''''us!''''' I can't believe ''she'' and the Foot tooked '''''our home!''''' :'''Leonardo''': Listen, Raph, nothing is permanent. We have to flow with change. :'''Master Splinter''': Perhaps Leonardo has learned a thing or two from the Ancient One. ''[He and Leonardo look at one another.]'' Yes, I can see it in your eyes. I have my son back. And I can see something else in your eyes. Please be careful, my son. She will be well guarded, and her skills are much improved. :'''Leonardo''': So are mine, sensei. I’ll be fine, I promise. Now, get some rest. I’m gonna go get some food and supplies. I’ll be back. :'''Raphael''': Hey, Leo, bring back some sodas or something. :'''Michelangelo''': And some pizza and Chinese food ''[Klunk meow]'' and some kibble. <hr width=50%/> :''[Karai is inside the Oroku Saki Memorial Library in full Shredder armor, sans the helmet. She approaches Oroku Saki’s statue, kneels and removes the covering from a katana. This she places in the stand which is at the feet of the statue. As soon as she sets the sword in place, the “Sewer Sweet Sewer” plaque whips through the air and impales the sword stand.]'' :'''Leonardo''': ''[coldly]'' Hello, Karai. Got your message. :'''Karai''': I am impressed. Security here is very tight, yet here you are, undetected. :''[Leonardo hops down and takes up a defensive posture.]'' :'''Leonardo''': So, you are the new Shredder? :''[Karai places the helmet on her head and turns.]'' :'''Karai''': Yes. ''[draws her sword]'' And I am your doom! :''[Leonardo pulls one of his swords as well.]'' :'''Leonardo:''' You have gone too far this time, Karai!! :'''Karai:''' Not far enough! Not until you lie broken and battered at my feet! Only then will my father truly be avenged! Make no mistake, Leonardo, son of Splinter, hated enemy of my father. Your path ends here! :''[leaps at him and he rushes to meet her attack. Their swords clash and they push against each other.]'' :'''Leonardo:''' I remember when we first met, Karai! We fought side by side and I said you were nothing like the Shredder! ''[He falls back, pulling her down and rolling until she is on her back and he is standing over her.]'' I thought you understood honor, but I was wrong! ''You're exactly like him!! You understand '''nothing!!''''' :''[She kicks him off, but he does a handspring and regains his feet. Leonardo catches her sword on his and quickly disarms her, sending her sword flying onto the arms of the statue. She takes a swing at him, but he ducks and pulls her second sword from her belt.]'' :'''Karai''': No, you will pay. You must pay! ''[She tries to slash him with her Tekkō-kagi, but he ducks. Karai squats and launches the weighted end of her Manriki-gusari at him. It wraps around the handle of her stolen sword and she flips backwards, her weight pulling the weapon from his hand. She throws the sword behind her and drops the hook end of the Manriki-gusari into her other hand. Spinning it, she charges and throws the weapon. Leonardo pulls his second katana, leaps, and slices through the chain.]'' No! I must have my revenge! ''[She runs but Leonardo pursues. As she turns, he flips through the air at her, slicing several times. Karai’s helmet falls into several pieces, shocking her.]'' :'''Leonardo:''' Your own anger defeats you, Karai. ''[stands with his back to her.]'' You remind me of a Turtle I used to know. :'''Karai:''' ''[takes a couple of steps back, and grabs the communication device from her belt.]'' Security to the library… ''[Before she can finish, Leonardo slashes across the device, destroying it. As it falls, Leonardo, who has gotten behind her, places his katana near her head. He taps on her shoulder with the sword and she drops to her knees.]'' Go ahead. Do it! Finish me! :'''Leonardo:''' No. ''[Still kneeling, Karai turns as he sheathes his swords.]'' I'm giving you one last chance to do the right thing, Karai. Don't waste it. ''[walks over to Saki’s statue.]'' And Karai, ''[leaps]'' ''stay away [grabs Saki’s sword] from my '''family!!''''' ''[slashes at the statue and tosses the sword so that it sticks into the floor in front of Karai. As he races away]'' :''[The statue’s head falls, having been sliced away from the body. It bounces and rolls across the floor, coming to a stop in front of Karai. Suddenly the room is flooded with Foot ninjas.]'' :'''Foot Ninja''': Mistress Karai! Is everything all right?! :''[Karai looks up to see two of the upper window panels flapping in the breeze.]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[Leonardo returns to the new lair carrying a duffel bag.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Did someone mention food? ''[takes two containers from the bag.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Chinese food for breakfast? ''[He and Donatello both catch a container.]'' Works for me. :''[Kneeling, Leonardo hands a container of food to Raphael and then stands to walk over to Splinter.]'' :'''Leonardo''': I’ve checked it out and this seems like a safe place, Master Splinter. We could stay here, maybe even fix it up a bit. :'''Splinter''': It is as the great sage, Shinto Sakamoto said, home is where you hang your hat. :''[Leonardo kneels before him and takes an ornate walking stick from his bag.]'' :'''Leonardo''': This walking stick is said to have come from a very ancient and mystic tree. ''[He presents the stick to Splinter, who takes it from him.]'' I got it with the Ancient One. I’ve carried it all this way for you. :'''Splinter''': Ah, a very gracious gift. ''[They bow to one another.]'' Thank you, Leonardo. Welcome home. ==Outbreak== :'''Agent Bishop''': ''(Narrating)'' For too long, our world, our history, has been influenced by extraterrestrial threats. I know this all too well. My purpose has always been clear: Defend against the threat. Rebuild humanity to resist invasion. It hasn't always been easy. There are tough choices that need to be made. Someone has to stop this alien plague. It was a vow I made long ago. And I intend to keep it. <hr width=50%/> :'''Michelangelo''': Ugh. Next time I’ll take lookout duty. :'''Raphael''': Great. More of Karai's Foot ninja. We should be out hunting them, not the other way around. :'''Leonardo''': We’ll handle Karai, Raph, but on our terms, not hers. We’ll handle whatever comes our way. <hr width=50%/> :'''Raphael''': You okay, bro’? ''[helps Donatello up.]'' :'''Donatello''': Thanks. :'''Michelangelo''': Don, Raph, watch out! :''[They turn to see several tentacles shooting towards them. Raphael shoves Donatello out of the way.]'' :'''Raphael''': Move! :''[Raphael avoids the tentacles, but one of the spikes strikes Donatello’s thigh.]'' :'''Donatello''': Oh! :''[Raphael pins the tentacle with his sai.]'' :'''Donatello''': My leg. :'''Raphael''': You okay? :'''Donatello''': Yeah, just a nick. Uh, thanks again. ==Trouble with Augie== * This marks the only appearance of Professor August O'Neil, an uncle of [[w:April O'Neil|April O'Neil]] and is the only appearance of Robyn O'Neil, a sister of April. <hr width=50%/> :'''April O'Neil''': ''(Narrating)'' The man in the hat is my uncle Augie. Uncle Augie didn't just teach me math and science, he taught me to love them. If it wasn't for him, I never would've have gotten my college degree in math. Uncle Augie was always coming and going, off on adventures, but we made the most of our time together. Then one day, uncle Augie just disappeared and he never came back. I'd give anything to see my uncle Augie again. I know he's alive and somehow, someway, I'm going to find him. <hr width=50%/> :'''Mikey''': Especially since Karai the new miss Shredder showed up at your shop. ==Insane in the Membrane== * This marks the only appearance of Baxter Stockman's mother in flashbacks. <hr width=50%/> :''[Montage of Stockman's accomplishments accompanied by his voice over]'' :'''[[w:Baxter Stockman|Baxter Stockman]]''': ''(Narrating)'' Once, long ago, I, Dr. Baxter Stockman, was a whole man. With a brilliant mind and an able body! In the scientific community, I was unequalled! Throughout the world, I was renowned, revered, worshipped! But it all went wrong, horribly, horribly wrong. My genius fell under the control of cruel-minded brutes. :''[Flashback of Shredder ordering Hun to drag Stockman away.]'' :'''Baxter Stockman''': No, '''NOOOOOOOOOO!''' :''[We see Hun, from Stockman's POV, thrusting a saw in his face, and the image shatters as it makes contact. A montage of Stockman's various injuries plays until we see him as just a brain in a jar]'' :'''Baxter Stockman''': ''(Narrating)'' They whittled me away, piece by piece, limb by limb, until I was reduced to nearly nothing. ''[Stockman, in his deteriorated form, approaches the camera menacingly]'' But those simpletons aren't to blame. I finally know who's responsible for my downfall, and now, with my new body, I will finally have my revenge! <hr width=50%/> :'''Baxter Stockman''': [Driven to madness and desperation] This experiment is a catastrophe. (As he slams his hands on the floor which it cracks) Uh! HOW could I have been so stupid? Why was I in such a rush? Why didn't I listen to agent Bishop? [Rips off his lab coat in rage] WHY?! Why am I a failure, my whole life?! Oh, mama. I made such promise. (Reminiscing) Where did it all go wrong?! Where? ''[The scene turns red and blue as all of Stockman's enemies appear in his mind, reminscing his time with them. First, we cut to Shredder and some Baxter's injuries.]'' A horrible degradation at the hands of the Shredder. ''[Cut to Hun, who looks grumpily at camera with Purple Dragons behind his back.]'' His horrific bug, Hun! ''[Cut to the turtles]'' And those despicable turtles! No! No! [Camera pans to April, who points at something and then...] Before then… It was her! I trusted her and ''she'' betrayed me! ''[Cut to the turtles (in shadows) and April. Raphael is seen kicking robot Stockman.]'' SHE brought in those turtles and ruined everything, my glorious mousers failed because of her and that failure is what brought the Shredder's wrath down upon me! Yes! She's responsible, ''she'' did this to me. (He picks up the whole table, throws at machinery and brakes) And ''she'' is the one who will pay!! <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> :'''Casey Jones''': He just busted in he knocked me out when I woke up they were gone, all I remember is him saying something about going back to where this all started. :'''Raphael''': Where it all started? :'''Leonardo''': Stocktronics, ''[To Stockman continues to carry April to his old lab building now abandoned, offscreen]'' the lab where he and April first worked together it has to be. <hr width=50%/> :'''Mrs. Stockman''': Baxter, ''[coughing]'' I'm sorry baby doll Mama's just worn out, I guess this old body just can't take it, I so wanted to see you grow up and be a fine man, I did ''[coughing]'' Remember the sky's the limit for you boy, I love you Baxter. ''[dies]'' :'''Young Baxter Stockman''': No, Mama! Don't leave me. Mama! Mama! <hr width=50%/> :'''Leo''': Let her go, Stockman! :'''Baxter Stockman''': April? You, you betrayed me! :'''Donnie''': Run, April! Get out of here! :'''Baxter Stockman''': No! She can't leave, I forbid it! :'''Mikey''': You asked for it, Dr. Stockman-Stein! <hr width=50%/> :'''Raph''': There they are! :'''Mikey''': On the cable car! <hr width=50%/> :'''Stockman''': Now we can finally set things right. :'''April''': Doctor Stockman, please don’t this, can you remember when your work helped people when it was about the science? You were a brilliant man the sky was the limit for you Doctor Stockman. :'''Stockman''': ''[starts hallucinating again.]'' Mama? ''[sees April as his mother.]'' :'''Baxter Stockman's mother''': The sky was the limit you were such a good boy, you had so much potential, what happened to you baby doll? ''[sees her as herself again]'' :'''April''': You were someone I admired, someone I respected and you can be again. :'''Baxter Stockman''': Mama what have I done? :''[The coupling of the cable car continues to break]'' :'''April''': Doctor. :''[Stockman hallucinates April as his mother again.]'' :'''Baxter Stockman's mother''': Baxter. :'''April''': Please. :''[The cable car shakes and she trips backwards.]'' :'''Baxter Stockman''': (gasps) Mama, Mama. :'''Casey''': April! :'''Baxter Stockman''': ''[still hallucinates April as his mother]'' Mama. You've got to get off of here, Mama it's not safe. ''[He comes to April and picks her, Casey climbs down the cable and grabs April.]'' Hurry Mama, ''[Casey places his around April and they both look at Stockman]'' hurry! I love you, Mama! I… ''[The coupling brakes from the cable and the cable car falls in to the river]'' I… Ahhh! :''[The slash is heard as April cries over Stockman's "death", the turtles pull the cable getting Casey and April to safety inside the copter.]'' :'''Mikey''': Man, you think that's the end of Stockman? :'''Leo''': We've seen him come back from worse. Only time will tell. :'''Raph''': Well, I say it good riddance! That psycho's giving us nothing, but grief, ever since we met him! :'''Donnie''': I dunno, at least he gave us this neat chopper... sort of. Now, let's just find a place to park it. ==Return of Savanti== ===Part 1 [4.20]=== :'''Donatello''': ''(Narrating)'' My name is Donatello and right now I can't help but think of an old saying: Be careful what you wish for. All my life, I've been fascinated with what they call "terrible lizards" and "thunder beasts". Dinosaurs. But now, amazingly, I got my wish. Here I am in the Cretaceous Period, 65 million years ago, finally seeing them with my own two eyes, while running for my life. So be careful what you wish for, or, just like the dinosaurs, you might find yourself facing sudden extinction. ===Part 2 [4.21]=== :'''Savanti Romero''': ''(Narrating)'' Eons ago, I was on the verge of ultimate power. With the omnipotent Time Scepter, I, Savanti Romero, was going to rule all of time. That is, until Lord Simultaneous thwarted my plan. He turned me into a monster and exiled me from null time to Earth's Middle Ages where he hoped never to hear from me again. But instead, I plotted: Summoning all my magic, I tried again to take the time scepter and use it against Lord Simultaneous. But thanks to the interference of those accursed ninja turtles and that foolish timestress Renet, my victory was denied and Simultaneous exiled me once more, even further in time to Earth's Cretaceous Period, but that did not stop me. Again, I gathered my magic and lured my prey back through time. Savanti Romero will not be denied his revenge. The timestress will pay for her meddling. The time scepter will finally be mine. As for the turtles, they have no idea of the changes that are about to befall them. ==Tale of Master Yoshi== * This marks the only appearance of [[w:Tang Shen|Tang Shen]], and Yukio Mashimi in flashbacks. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' Honor. Integrity. Bushido. These were the ideals that drove Master Splinter's beloved master: Hamato Yoshi. He had traveled far to reach this castle fortress only to find four Foot elite warriors barring his way. But four or four hundred, it mattered not for on this particular night, Yoshi was driven by a powerful force unfamiliar to him. Hatred. Hatred that burned so bright it threatened to destroy him. Hatred born out of the need for revenge. <hr width=50%/> :'''Donatello''': I know! Maybe Leo should tell us about the Ancient One. :'''Raphael''': Yeah, Leo. I want to know the other things you learned on how to kick butt. :'''Leonardo''': Well, I wouldn't know where to start, but there is one story I think you might want to hear... about Master Splinter's master, Hamato Yoshi. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': It's a story about a girl. :'''Raphael''': A girl? Does she kick butt? :'''Master Splinter''': Raphael. Please, continue, Leonardo. :'''Leo''': Okay. Our story begins long ago in the 1960s. Japan was just getting back on its feet. :'''Michelangelo''': After an attack by [[Godzilla]]? :'''Leo''': No. After its defeat in [[w:World War II|World War II]]. It was not uncommon to see young orphaned boys in the streets, begging for food and money. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' So the Ancient One took Yoshi and his friend into his home, and trained them in the ways of ninjitsu, and treated them as if they were his own sons. As they grew into young men, they became closer than brothers, best of friends who do everything together. They even fell in love at the same time, with the same girl - [[w:Tang Shen|Tang Shen]]. They were crazy about her. Tang Shen was also an orphan raised by the Ancient One. It was her loving care that made the Ancient One's house into a home and that often brought unexpected visitors to her kitchen. :'''Tang Shen''': Mashimi, no! :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' But Tang Shen saw a hungry innocent creature and, as always, her first thought was to care for it. She decided to keep the curious rat as a pet. Seeing that Tang Shen had grown fond of the hungry little visitor, Yoshi had built a home for the newest member of their family. Although, Tang Shen had captured both the boys' hearts, it was clear that her heart belonged to only one of them - Yoshi. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' But the Ancient One was dead set against it. :'''Ancient One''': Ha, no. The Guardians are no place for you. You must ''not'' do this. Yoshi, a different destiny awaits you. Neither of you are ready. You need much more training. :'''Yukio Mashimi''': Sensei, we are more than ready. :'''Ancient One''': In body perhaps, but it is your heart and mind that still need training, my son. :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': The Guardians are an honorable force for good, Sensei. I want to help them. :''[Tang Shen peers through the doorway into the dojo.]'' :'''Ancient One''': No. I forbid you to ''join'' the Guardians. ''[leaves]'' That is my ''final'' word. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' Though his friendship with Mashimi began to diminish, Yoshi's bond with Tang Shen grew stronger than ever, but the coils of jealousy were winding tighter and tighter in Mashimi's soul until... something snapped. :''[A crack of thunder is followed by rain. Tang Shen lifts her arms to welcome it.]'' :'''Yukio Mashimi''': Tang Shen! :'''Tang Shen''': Oh, Mashimi, you startled me. ''[?]'' What, what is wrong with you? :''[Inside his dojo the little rat munches on a crumb when the sound of Tang Shen’s scream cuts the air. The Ancient One is nearby and runs for the door.]'' :'''Ancient One''': Tang Shen? ''[runs outside, looking for her.]'' Tang Shen! ''[He then spots her prone form.]'' Oh no! Tang Shen! <hr width=50%/> :'''Shredder''': Secure all the exits. Let none escape. :''[Mashimi, now wearing the garb of the Foot, steps up next to Shredder.]'' :'''Mortu''': Mashini, ''you'' have betrayed ''us!''? :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': Mashimi, why? :'''Yukio Mashimi''': How dare ''you'' ask why! ''You'' betrayed ''me!'' We were like brothers, but you had everything and left me with nothing!! Now I take everything from you, including your life!! <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' Yoshi returned to tell Tang Shen all that had happened, only to find out the horrible truth. :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': Tang Shen!? No! '''NOOOO!!''' ''[echoes]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[at Shen's grave]'' :'''Ancient One''': This is all my fault. I knew Mashimi had a dark streak in his heart. :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': It is not your fault, Master. It is Mashimi's fault and he shall pay with his life!! :'''Ancient One''': Be careful, my son. Vengeance is like a splinter that will poison your mind and heart. <hr width=50%/> :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': Yukio Mashimi, I have come for you! Show yourself, ''traitor!'' :'''Shredder''': ''[sits on his throne.]'' Mashimi. :''[Mashimi steps out in front of the stairs leading up to Shredder’s throne.]'' :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': Mashimi, ''I'' challenge ''you'' to a ''duel'', assassin!! :'''Yukio Mashimi''': A duel!? Ha! You have unknowingly stepped into the lion's den, Yoshi! I do not need to fight you! We outnumber you!! :'''Shredder''': You are mistaken, Yukio Mashimi. You stand alone. Defeat Hamato Yoshi and I will forgive our humiliating retreat from the Utrom base. Only if you defeat Yoshi will I let you live. :'''Yukio Mashimi''': As you wish, Master. ''[walks over to where Yoshi waits and strikes a defensive posture.]'' So, Yoshi, our story comes full circle! It began with the two of us and it will end with just the two of us!! :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': This story will only end with one of us, Mashimi!! <hr width=50%/> :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': Well, little one. I will name you Splinter. And together, we will remind ourselves of Tang Shen. Of her beauty, her kindness, and love. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': Well, I think we all know the rest of the story. :'''Michelangleo''': Man! What a bummer story. :'''Master Splinter''': Perhaps, Michelangelo, but perhaps not. It not for these events, I would never have been brought to New York. :'''Donatello''': And the Utroms would never have had to relocate here either, meaning no ooze. :'''Raphael''': No us. <hr width=50%/> :''[Present Day Japan. The Ancient One approaches a home. Inside, a gate rises and he proceeds down a long flight of stairs. He enters a large chamber, lit by fire sconces mounted around the center of a circular area. He bows.]'' :'''Ancient One''': I have come to plead for the turtles. You must not carry out your designs. :''[From the darkness, a pair of blue eyes light up. It is one of the Ninja Tribunal.]'' :'''Juto-Shisho''': You are too late, Ancient One. :''[From another side, the bright eyes are green.]'' :'''Chikara-Shisho''': We have decided. :''[Yet a third set of eyes, silver in color, appears.]'' :'''Kon-Shisho''': We will judge the turtles’ fate. We will determine whether they will live... :'''Juto-Shisho''': Or how they will meet their end. :''[The Ancient One bows.]'' ==<span style=color:purple>'''The Mutated Era of Donatello'''</span>== ===Adventures in Turtle Sitting=== :'''Leonardo''' ''[narrating]'': Things are not good, and they're getting worse by the second. We could really use good old Donnie right about now. Ever since Bishop's mutant outbreak began, Don's been the one guiding us through this whole mess. Coming up with all the answers. :''[Michelangelo gets hit]'' :'''Raph''': Mikey! :'''Leo''': ''[narrating]'' There have been ''hundreds'' of times we'd've been turtle-waxed... if Don's brains hadn't bailed us out. :'''Leo''': ''[sees Raph getting grabbed a monster]'' Raph! :'''Leo''': ''[narrating]'' It's too bad Don's not here now, because this is definitely one of those times. <hr width=50%/> :'''April''': Now who could that be? [She opens the doors to find the Michelangelo, Leonardo and Raphael standing there.] Guys! Hey, this is...unexpected. Guys! Hey, this is...unexpected. :'''Leonardo''': Sorry, April, but we’re on our way to a possible mutant outbreak at the power plant and— :'''Donatello''': Achoo! ''[groans, leans against the doorframe, looking weak and with dark bags under his eyes.]'' :'''April''': Whoa. Don, you look greener than usual. A lot greener than usual. :'''Donnie''': I know, I-- ''[blows his nose.]'' I've picked up this little bug and I haven't been able to shake it. ''[blows nose]'' I was feeling alright, but I just can't handle mutants right now. :'''Mikey''': Did you figure that out before, or after you barfed in the Battle Shell? :'''Raph''': Mikey! ''[slaps Mikey in the head]'' :'''Mikey''': OW! :'''Raph''': ''Adults'' are talking. April, can you keep an eye on Donnie for us? :'''Donnie''': Achoo! ''[blows his nose.]'' :'''April''': Of course Don can stay here. I mean, we weren’t going anywhere anyway. :'''Casey''': Bro’, you are seriously cramping my style here. :'''Donnie''': Sorry. :'''April''': You guys have been on monster patrol for weeks. What’s the plan, clean up all the mutants in Manhattan? :'''Leo''': Well, no. This outbreak is way more than four turtles can handle. We’re just trying to keep it from spreading. :'''April''': Well, go get ‘em guys. We’ll watch Don. :'''Leo''': Donnie, take it easy bro’. ''[The other turtles depart.]'' :'''Donnie''': Good lu-uh-uh-achoo! Achoo! :'''Casey''': Uh! ''[slaps his forehead as Donatello groans.]'' Come on, sickly mutant ninja turtle, you better lie down before you fall down. ''[helps Donatello lie down on the couch and then covers him with a blanket.]'' There. Comfy? <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': Okay, Mikey, you take the left. Don, you cover me on— :'''Michelangelo''': Uh, Don’s home sick from school today, Leo. :'''Leonardo''': Right. Raph, you cover me on the right. And remember guys, just contain them, do not splatter them. :'''Raphael''': We know the drill. Can't have that cream filling spillin' out, infecting other creatures with their freako DNA. The last thing we need is more genetic rejects. I mean, we've already got Mikey. :''[It's loving brother time!]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[after Donatello mutates]'' :'''April O'Neil''': This is crazy! :'''Casey Jones''': What do we do?! :'''April''': It's Don right? Try talking to him! :'''Casey''': Talk to him, are you nuts!? He's a savage, freaky monster and '''YOU JUST WHACKED HIM IN THE FACE WITH A BROOM!!!''' :''[Casey being the voice of reason]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Stockman''': I-- I don’t understand. What’s happened? What have you done to me? :'''Agent Bishop''': I had your brain recovered from the bottom of New York’s East River after your misguided sabbatical. While I could do without your personality, I do need your brain. The outbreak is getting worse by the minute, and I expect you to use that powerful mind of yours to clean it up. :'''Stockman''': I-- I-- I can’t believe... oh. I can’t believe you brought me back this. Why? Why? [He gets off the table and stands on shaky legs before falling.] Why couldn’t you let me finally rest in peace? Why?! <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': What was that thing? :'''Raphael''': And where’s Don? :'''Michelangelo''': Did that monster get Don? :'''April''': Guys, that monster is Don. :'''Michelangelo''': Say what? :'''April''': That thing you just fought is Don. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leatherhead''': I regret to say... I cannot cure him. :'''Mikey''': What?! NO!! :'''Raphael''': '''MAN, I AM GONNA TAKE BISHOP AND RAM MY FOOT SO FAR...''' :'''Leonardo''': Easy, Raph! We'll find cure, but first we got to capture Don before he hurts himself or anyone else. :''[Raph almost says something inappropriate for kids]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Michelangelo''': Oh ugly, mutated-version-of-my-beloved-brother DONATELLOOOO, where are youuu~?! ''[He hears growling.]'' Donny?! :''[Mutant Donatello appears rounds a turn, sees Michelangelo, and charges.]'' :'''Mikey''': Like, ZOINKS!! :''[Michelangelo dodges a swing, leaps over Donatello’s head, and runs. Donatello chases him. Michelangelo catches onto a hole in the ceiling of the tunnel and one handed swings through into the tunnel above. He turns and looks back, but sees no Donatello. Arming his weapon, he walks back towards the hole. Suddenly Donatello bursts through and Michelangelo screams and runs.]'' :'''Mikey''': Oh, Humna, humna, humna, humna, humna, humna, humna, humna! WHOA! :''[mutant Donatello keeps swinging his fists to Michelangelo, who keeps dodging them by swinging back and forward]'' :'''Mikey''': Now I know how a piñata feels! ''[dodge another fist swing]'' AND I DON'T LIKE IT! Whoa, Don! Come on, quit it! ''[Raph and Leo arrive.]'' A little help here, guys? :'''Raphael''': Whoa, mama! Don’s been taking his vitamins. ''[Donatello punches Michelangelo and flings him down at the feet of his brothers.]'' I’m really sorry about this, Donny! :''[He jumps down in front of Donatello and swings at him with his capture claw weapon.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Remember, this is Don. Do not hurt him! :''[Raphael hops around as Donatello tries to slash him.]'' :'''Raphael''': That’s not gonna be a problem, Leo! :''Donatello straightens and roars. Leonardo kicks his carapace and when Donatello turns, Raphael kicks him. Donatello falls forward onto his hands and knees.'' :'''Leonardo''': Leatherhead, you’re on. :''[Leatherhead leaps out of hiding and runs towards Donatello, who has risen to his feet. Leatherhead plows into him, grabs and lifts him off his feet. Donatello tries to snap at him. Leatherhead shoves him into the containment unit and Michelangelo and Leonardo slam the door shut. Donatello pounds on the glass as his brothers and Leatherhead look on.]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Splinter''': ''[sadly]'' My son. :'''Leatherhead''': I can sympathize. I know what it’s like to be a monster. :'''Raphael''': ''[places his hand on Splinter’s shoulder.]'' Poor Donny. :'''Michelangelo''': What are we gonna do, Leo? :'''Leonardo''': Do? This is Donatello. This is our brother. ''[He flattens a palm on the glass.]'' We’re going to hunt down a cure for him, no matter what it takes. No matter what it takes. ===Good Genes=== ====Part 1 [2.24]==== :'''[[w:Leatherhead (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Leatherhead]]''': ''(Narrating)'' As we fly through the night, I can't help but ponder: intelligence, reason, even simple thought. Most people take these things for granted. I do not. For I know what it's like to be an advanced mind, trapped in the body of a brute... of a monster. But for once, I am not the monster in question. My friend Donatello is one of the gentlest souls I've ever met, with one of the finest minds I've ever known. But now, thanks to the evil agent Bishop, my friend has been transformed into a thoughtless savage. And I fear that the Donatello I know may truly be lost forever. <hr width=50%/> :'''Karai''': Mystics, your master has need of you! :''[Laughter echoes all around her.]'' :'''Water Mystic''': ''[voice-over]'' Our master is the Shredder. Not you, little girl! :''[The Earth Mystic materializes atop of podium.]'' :'''Earth Mystic''': You are nothing but a pretender! like the Utrom abomination before you! :''[The other Mystics appear atop their perches.]'' :'''Karai''': You forget your place, Mystics! You serve me now. I hold the same power over you as my father did! All your talk of ancient power. You live in the past. I am the future and you will obey me. Find the turtle Leonardo! ''He'' must pay for his crimes ''against'' my father! Do you hear me?! ''[turns and walks away.]'' ''Find him!'' ''[exits the room. As the door closes behind her, the Mystics speaks again.]'' :'''Earth Mystic''': Perhaps ''he'' will find you! <hr width=50%/> :'''Leo''': Once we have Bishop, We'll convince him to help Don. :'''Raph''': Leatherhead and I can handle that part of the plan, we can be very convincing. ''[punches hand]'' :'''Michelangelo''': It's Area 51, they probably have a UFO watching us from SPACE! <hr width=50%/> :'''Stockman''': Now open that hunk a' junk. ====Part 2 [2.25]==== :'''Leo''': ''(Narrating)'' A wise man once said: I've got a bad feeling about this. And right now, I know how he feels. Believe it or not, that's my brother Donatello. And right now, he's sick. Really sick. He was scratched by one of Bishop's outbreak mutants, and now he has become a savage, mindless monster. Had it been any of us, we would have looked at Don to save the day. But even with Leatherhead's help, we're no closer to finding a cure. With no other options, we tracked down the one man who might have a cure: the man responsible for the outbreak in the first place: Agent Bishop. Bishop agreed to cure Don, but for a price. Infiltrating Foot central? It's an impossible mission. But what can we do? Our brother is sick. And there's nothing we won't do to save him. Even if it means... making a deal with the devil. <hr width=50%/> :'''Agent Bishop''': Comm systems on, secure channel :'''The Entity''': Ah, Agent Bishop, we are transmitting coordinates to you even as we speak :'''Bishop''': And in return? :'''Entity''': We will let you know, will you be retrieving the artifact yourself? :'''Bishop''': Of cause not, i'll sending in special agents. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leatherhead''': Donatello's condition continues to deteriorate, there's not much time. :'''Master Splinter''': Doctor Stockman, Agent Bisharp told us you have administer the cure to Donatello. :'''Baxter Stockman''': To think I sunk so low that unparalleled genius would be used save the life of these freaks, unfathomable. :'''Leatherhead''': Where is the cure Stockman? :'''Stockman''': I am pulled sweet oblivion for what? this? :'''Leatherhead''': Show us the cure NOW! :'''Stockman''': CURE? you stupid animal, Agent Bishop lied there is no cure. :'''Splinter''': WHAT?! :''[Leatherhead growls and his eyes turn green on Stockman]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Leo''': April come in :'''April''': Go leo :'''Leo''': we've made it to the Foots garbage disposal facility, time for you & Casey to do your thing :'''April''': Casey's heading in to the power station now, stand by :'''Casey''': Hey if we gonna put a computer virus in here to shut down the power, how come you're not going in? :'''April''': Because I don't look like a janitor :'''Casey''': Gee thanks :'''Leo''': Keep us posted April, we're moving into position :'''April''': Roger that :'''Leo''': Well here the fun starts :'''April''': All the buildings garbage go through shoots that led to an incinerator :'''Michelangelo''': We're going in through the furnace, isn't that gonna be hot???? :'''Leo''': It's our only way and that's not all,once through the incinerators we go up a shoots. :'''April''': Which Karai has secured with a deadly grid of lazers :'''Leo''': When the power drops we go up the vent, we gotta beat the emergency-power kicking in :'''Mikey''': Ah, Leo why is the grid still on? :'''Leo''': Casey, April, cut that power or we're turtles flambe. :'''Casey''': I've put in the stupid virus but it ain't working! :'''Leo''': Casey we really need that power out NOW :'''Casey''': Alright, you stupid computers, we're doing this old school, ''[picks up a computer]'' GOONGALA!!! ''[throws computer]'', Woo hoo :'''Leo''': Grids' down <hr width=50%/> :'''Karai''': Find out what's going on . . . Leonardo is here, but why?, why would he come here? <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': Good work Casey we're in, April go the phase 3: get to the copter :'''April O'Neil''': On it :'''Leo''': remember we get what we need and get out, Ralph you know what you have to do, Mikey you're with me, let's go <hr width=50%/> :'''Metal Mystic''': Everything goes as planned my brothers. :'''Earth Mystic''': Soon we all be free! <hr width=50%/> :''[About the mystic Heart of Tengu]'' :'''Karai''': No!! Give that to me!! You do not know what you are doing!! <hr width=50%/> :'''Karai''': You cannot take that! :'''Leonardo''': Watch me!! <hr width=50%/> :'''Karai''': No! ''[runs towards them.]'' Leonardo, face me!! :''[Leonardo turns and draws a sword, but Michelangelo catches him by the arm.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Get in, Get out, right? It's not about Karai, right? :'''Leo''': ''[sheathes his katana.]'' Right. :''[They climb onto the rubble piled in front of the hole in the wall.]'' :'''Karai''': Stop them! Someone stop them!! :''[All three turtles jump. Karai and her Foot Elite reach the opening, but can only watch as the turtles climb up a ladder dangling from the helicopter.]'' :'''Karai''': No! No! ''[drops to her knees.]'' No-o! ''[echoes]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Don''': ''[Emerges from a cloud of mist, cured]'' Hey guys, what's up? ''[collapses into Leatherhead's arms]'' :'''Leatherhead''': I have you, my friend. :'''Michelangelo, Raphael and Leonardo''': All right! Donny! Welcome back! It’s so good to see you again! <hr width=50%/> :'''Master Splinter''': Welcome back, my son. :'''Don''': I hope you guys didn't go through too much trouble for me. (Did you?) :''[Everyone is silent]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Nah. ==Ninja Tribunal== * This is the Season 4 finale. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' You know, if there's one thing I've learned being a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, is to always expect the unexpected. But with all of our training, and all of our hard work, I'd like to think that we're ready for anything. But sometimes, the unexpected is just a little too... unexpected. <hr width=50%/> :'''Raphael''': Yeah, no offense Donnie, but you weren't too much fun when you were... sick. :'''Michelangelo''': Fun?! He was a monster. An absolutely, horrible, drooling big nasty-fanged monster! You tried to eat my leg! <hr width=50%/> :'''Michelangelo''': Are we sure that Donnie's all better? See the full moon, Donnie? Do you feel the monster inside? The monster taking control?! 'MWAHAHAHA!!!! :'''Donatello''': Oh no. I'm- I'm changing! '''RAAAAGGGHH!''' :'''Mikey''': AAAAHHH! HELP ME! HELP ME! HE'S TRYING TO EAT MY LEG AGAIN! AAAAAHHHHH! <hr width=50%/> :''[After the enemy ninjas demonstrated their weapon sticks to the Turtles.]'' :'''Raphael''': Now maybe it's just me, but I think these guys plan to stick it to us. <hr width=50%/> :'''Juto-Shisho''': Bow when you enter this sanctuary. :'''Chikara-Shisho''': We require warriors to combatant, and as pathetic as you are, you eight are our best hope. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': You expect us to fight each other? :'''Raphael''': Forget it, bucketheads. :'''Kon-Shisho''': You WILL fight, or you will be destroyed. <hr width=50%/> :''[Back to New York City, the rooftop from which the turtles were kidnapped. Splinter and the Ancient One are searching the rooftop. The Ancient One finds the slashed mask left by the wooden warrior that Leonardo had fought.]'' :'''Ancient One''': The Mokusai no Bushi were here. ''[He studies gashes in the rooftop and then points to another area.]'' And here, signs of a struggle. :'''Splinter''': The Ninja Tribunal has taken my sons! Ancient One, you must take me to the tribunal. :'''Ancient One''': You know that what you ask is simply not permitted. :'''Splinter''': Permitted or not, I will protect my sons! == Characters == === Main === * [[w:Leonardo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Leonardo]] (or Leo) - voiced by [[w:Michael Sinterniklaas|Michael Sinterniklaas]] * [[w:Donatello (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Donatello]] (or Donnie) - voiced by [[w:Sam Riegel|Sam Riegel]] * [[w:Raphael (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Raphael]] (or Raph) - voiced by [[w:Greg Abbey|Frank Frankson]] * [[w:Michelangelo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Michelangelo]] (or Mikey) - voiced by [[w:Wayne Grayson|Wayne Grayson]] === Recurring === * [[w:Splinter (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Splinter]] - voiced by [[Darren Dunstan]] * [[w:April O'Neil|April O'Neil]] - voiced by [[w:Veronica Taylor|Veronica Taylor]] * [[w:Casey Jones (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Arnold Casey Jones Jr.]] - voiced by [[w:Marc Thompson (voice actor)|Marc Thompson]] === Antagonists === * [[w:Karai (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles|Karai]] – voiced by Karen Neill * Agent John Bishop – voiced by [[w:David Zen Mansley|David Zen Mansley]] * [[w:Baxter Stockman|Baxter Stockman]] – voiced by Scott Williams * Savanti Romero – voiced by [[w:David Zen Mansley|David Zen Mansley]] * [[w:Hun (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Hun]] – voiced by [[w:Greg Carey (voice actor)|Greg Carey]] * Rat King – voiced by [[w:David Zen Mansley|David Zen Mansley]] === Supporting === * [[w:Leatherhead (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Leatherhead]] - voiced by [[w:Greg Carey (voice actor)|Gary K. Lewis]] * The Ancient One - voiced by David Chen * [[w:Miyamoto Usagi|Miyamoto Usagi]] - voiced by [[w:Jason Griffith|Jason Griffith]] * [[w:Murakami Gennosuke|Murakami Gennosuke]] – voiced by [[Eric Stuart]] * Jhanna - voiced by [[w:Lisa Ortiz|Lisa Ortiz]] * Raptarr - voiced by Marc Diraison * Renet - voiced by Liza Jacqueline * Professor August O'Neil - voiced by [[w:Marc Thompson (voice actor)|Marc Thompson]] * Robyn O'Neil * * * * * Mortu - voiced by [[w:Dan Green (voice actor)|Dan Green]] * The Ultimate Daimyo - voiced by [[w:Marc Thompson (voice actor)|Marc Thompson]] * Gyoji - voiced by [[w:Oliver Wyman (actor)|Oliver Wyman]] * Nobody - voiced by [[w:Sean Schemmel|Sean Schemmel]] === Minor === * [[w:Hamato Yoshi|Hamato Yoshi]] – voiced by [[Eric Stuart]] * [[w:Shredder (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Ch'rell/Oroku Saki/Shredder]] - voiced by [[w:Scott Rayow|Scottie Ray]] * Angel - voiced by [[w:Tara Sands|Tara Jayne]] * Arnold Casey Jones Sr. * Baxter Stockman's mother * [[w:Tang Shen|Tang Shen]] * Yukio Mashimi * * * * * ==External links== {{wikipedia|Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003 TV series, season 4)}} {{Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles}} [[Category:Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003 TV series) seasons|4]] [[Category:Children's television seasons]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about turtles]] [[Category:American animated television seasons]] 1rott1jzqupecsa1ktkqujvws6209m4 3778843 3778842 2025-07-14T20:17:51Z 2001:8003:DD49:F700:7CE2:F3C:CD2C:140C /* Dragons Rising */ 3778843 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''Seasons''': [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 1)|1]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 2)|2]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 3)|3]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 4)|4]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 5): Ninja Tribunal|5: Ninja Tribunal]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Fast Forward|6: Fast Forward]] / [[TMNT: Back to the Sewer|7: Back to the Sewer]] | '''Film''': [[Turtles Forever]] | [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003 TV series)|Main]] ---------------- The following is a list of quotes from the fourth season of the 2003 series '''''[[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003 TV series)|Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles]]'''''. ==Cousin Sid== * This is the Season 4 premiere. This marks the debut appearance of Casey Jones's cousin Sid. <hr width=50%/> :'''[[w:Splinter (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Master Splinter]]''': ''(Narrating)'' Life moves as the wheel of destiny turns, day to night, night to day. [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 3)|Our fight with the Shredder nearly cost us our lives.]] We are broken, battered, but alive. Our bodies will heal but I wonder: Do my sons carry other wounds not so easily overcome? I know with a great heaviness that there will always be some new threat to challenge us. I only pray my sons will be prepared to face it... <hr width=50%/> :''[The episode opens with a view of the Jones’ family farmhouse at night. Cut to the interior. The front door opens, and April enters with Master Splinter. He is injured and she is supporting him.]'' :'''April O'Neil''': Just a little bit further, Master Splinter. :''[Donatello and Michelangelo enter next. Donatello’s arm is in a sling and Michelangelo is on crutches with casts on his legs.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Finally. Now, someone give me a fork or something. You have no idea how bad my legs itch. :'''Donatello''': Yeah, we do, Mikey. We heard about it the whole trip. :''[Last to enter are Casey Jones, Raphael, and Leonardo. Casey and Leonardo are supporting Raphael. The two turtles have bandages wrapped around their bodies. April helps Splinter onto a chair.]'' :'''Splinter''': Thank you, April. I am not as young as I once was. Wound's take longer to heal. :'''Michelangelo''': I'm still as young as I once was, and I don't feel like I'm ever going to heal! :''[Casey and Leonardo helps Raphael to lie down on the couch.]'' :'''Raphael''': Too bad you didn't break your jaw. Maybe we’d finally get a little peace and quiet around here. ''[bones cracking]'' Ow. :'''Michelangelo''': ''[sits in a chair next to Splinter’s and props his legs up.]'' Ahh! That's... better? ''[sniffs]'' Ew! What's that smell?! It smells like burnt – ''[He glances over at his father.]'' Oh, right. Sorry, Sensei. :'''April''':All right. Who's hungry? :'''Donatello''': Me! :'''Michelangelo''': I am! :'''Donatello''': I am! :'''Casey Jones''': Over here! :''[Leonardo is standing at the window, staring into the yard.]'' :'''April''': Leo? :'''Splinter''': Leonardo? :'''Leonardo''': I'm fine. <hr width=50%/> :'''April''': ''[grabs the fork from Michelangelo]'' No scratching. <hr width=50%/> : '''Raphael''': Hey, I like it when Leo acts tough. We should get Karai to stab him more often. :''(Leo angrily glares)'' :'''Mikey''': Easy Leo. Leave Raph to me. Raph needs a hiding place. Don't you, Raphie boy? And I got just the spot. :'''Raph''': Hiding spot? ''[Leonardo and Donatello carry him to a closet.]'' Don't even... No way am I missing this action. ==The People's Choice== :'''[[w:Michelangelo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Michelangelo]]''': ''(Narrating)'' Who would have guessed that getting back to nature with my bro's would turn into a sci-fi marathon? There's nothing cooler than slimy, slippery space-creatures, giant alien blobs, cosmic rock creatures with a bad attitude, or intergalactic catfight! And here I thought our camping trip was going to be boring. Silly me! <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> ==Sons of the Silent Age== :'''[[w:April O'Neil|April O'Neil]]''': ''(Narrating)'' I love nature. Its beauty, its balance and perfection. Nature reminds me of what I learned in school about the scientist Charles Darwin. Darwin believed in the survival of the fittest. He explained how life on Earth could be defined simply as the struggle for existence. But, it seems to me that the struggle for existence is never very simple. <hr width=50%/> :'''April''': Are you okay, Leo? I know something’s been bothering you. :'''Leonardo''': Yeah, I... I don’t know. Well, I guess I do. It’s... I just can’t stop thinking about the last time we faced off against the Shredder. ''[clenches his fist.]'' That the only way that we could’ve defeated him was by blowing ourselves up. I couldn’t protect my brothers, my master. ''[punches a fist into the palm of his other hand.]'' I feel like such a complete failure, and no matter how I try to rationalize it, justify it, it always comes down to the fact that I wasn’t good enough. <hr width=50%/> :'''Raphael''': Then the first thing we have ta' do is sneak in there. :'''Michelangelo''': Right, and like the Three Musketeers used to say, "One for all and all for ninja mode." Course, I'm paraphrasing. ''[smack]'' Owww! :'''Raph''': What is wrong with you? :'''Mikey''': What? ==Dragon's Brew== * This is the only episodes in the series to not feature Raph (despite being mentioned), Mikey, and Donnie. <hr width=50%/> :'''Hun''': ''(Narrating)'' This is the dawning of a new age. I have seen the past and I have touched the future. I have learned from my late great master that preparation is everything and I am prepared. Our destiny will soon be at hand. Nothing can stop us now. Nothing. <hr width=50%/> :'''Casey''': Ha~ah! :'''Hun''': Jones! Uh! :'''Casey''': ''[elbows him in the gut and then sweeps his feet from under him with a hockey stick.]'' You and me, we got unfinished business! :'''Hun''': Bring it on. ''[Leonardo hops onto a box behind him.]'' Thought you turtles were destroyed. :'''Leonardo''': There’s a lot of that going around. :'''Casey''': He’s mine, Leo! :'''Leonardo''': I’ll just soften him up a little for you. <hr width=50%/> :'''Boy''': Mommy, I was dreaming about Daddy. It was horrible! :'''Mother''': It’s okay, Sweetie. Daddy is in a better place, remember? ==I, Monster== * This marks the debut appearance of Rat King. <hr width=50%/> :'''Rat King''': ''(Narrating)'' I awoke in the mud and the slime of a filthy river. I don't know where I am or even who I am. I'm haunted by glimpses... momentary fragments of a life I think I had. But what life do I have now? What am I, but a monster? And now all will fear me... because everything fears the monster. <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> ==Grudge Match== :'''[[w:Raphael (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Raphael]]''': ''(Narrating)'' It may look like just another day in the Battle Nexus, with the crowds and the cheering, but trust me, this day was gonna be special. I was looking forward to somebody finally shutting Mikey up about being Battle Nexus Champion. But it was starting to look like they were gonna shut Mikey up permanently. <hr width=50%/> :'''Master Splinter''': Yes. Pizza sounds very appetizing right now, with pepperoni and ''karma''. ==A Wing and a Prayer== * This marks the debut appearance of Raptarr. <hr width=50%/> :'''Raptarr''': ''(Narrating)'' Long have I watched over the world of man, and have I've been sickened by the ruthless acts of a soulless few. But through it all, I have learned more of who I am. Some call me "Hunter". Some call me "Protector". Whatever I am called, I have vowed to be this world's guardian angel. <hr width=50%/> ==Bad Day== :'''[[w:Donatello (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Donatello]]''': ''(Narrating)'' OK, pop quiz: If a dozen of Agent Bishop's deadly commandos are chasing you at ninety miles an hour from points A, B, and C, what are the odds you're gonna survive the next five minutes? <hr width=50%/> :'''Master Splinter''': Perhaps, but I am not speaking to you. I wait for my true foes to reveal themselves. You cannot touch me! :'''Foot Mystic''': This one is more powerful than we imagined. <hr width=50%/> :'''Karai''': Fools! Another failure!? :'''Fire Mystic''': Our encounter has given information that will be useful to us. But we did not expect our forces to be breached. :'''Karai''': And you recklessly revealed your presence to the rodent! :'''Water Mystic''': We assure you, we have gained enough knowledge for our next assault. :'''Karai''': Then make it so! Otherwise, when I attack, I assure you it will be no illusion!! ==Aliens Among Us== :'''Agent Bishop''': ''(Narrating)'' For more years than I can remember I have stood watch. Preparing for a day I've long known was inevitable. The alien threat is real. And the world has suffered at the hand of these invaders. The world must be prepared it must always be vigilant. And I will make sure it is, no matter what the cost. ==Dragons Rising== * This marks the only appearance of Arnold Casey Jones Sr., the late father of [[w:Casey Jones (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Casey Jones]] in flashbacks <hr width=50%/> :'''[[w:Casey Jones (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Casey Jones]]''': ''(Narrating)'' You know, it's taken me quite a while, but I've really come a long way. I finally got my temper under control. However, there are still a few certain things that can really make my blood boil. Hun is one of them certain things. ''[Flashback to younger Hun and Casey]'' Me and him, we go way back. See, when I was a kid, a gang of street punks was shaking my old man down for protection money. It was Hun and the Purple Dragons. When my old man wouldn't pay him, they torched our store. :'''Hun''': ''[grabs young Casey]'' You tell your old man punk, Next time pay up or else. ''[drops young Casey and walks off with the Purple dragons gang as young Casey watches sadly flashbacks end]'' :'''Casey Jones''': ''(Narrating)'' Yeah, me and him, we still got a score to settle. No matter how I try to plan out this problem, the two of us are headed for a bad, bad, showdown. :''[Casey and Hun grapple with each other atop a truck moving at high speed.]'' :'''Casey Jones''': ''(Narrating)'' Who knows? Maybe I haven't come as far as I thought. <hr width=50%/> :'''Mrs. Jones''': Arnold, please. Is too dangerous. :'''Young Casey''': Please, Pops, don’t go. :'''Arnold Jones Sr.''': ''[squats down and places a hand on his son's shoulder.]'' I gotta, kiddo. I put everything we had into that store. I can’t just let them get away with this. I’m going to the police. :'''Young Casey''': But they said no cops. They said if you— :'''Arnold Jones Sr.''': Casey, sometimes you just gotta stand up for what’s right, even if the odds are against you. Even if you’re all alone. You gotta just stand up and do the right thing. <hr width=50%/> :''[Casey, Raphael, Michelangelo and Donatello are inside the Battle Shell and Leonardo stands behind the vehicle outside and crossed his arms]'' :'''Raphael''': Come on, Leo, get in. :'''Michelangelo''': Let’s go home, bro. ''[Leonardo doesn’t move]'' :'''Raph''': '''Now what!?''' ''[groans]'' :'''Leonardo''': ''[angrily]'' We ''didn't'' finish the job. We blew it. Again! '''We blew it!''' :'''Donatello''': We ''did'' the best we could. At least we stopped half the convoy. :'''Leo''': ''[angrily]'' '''Half'''. We stopped '''half'''. And only because we got lucky. ''[and looks at his brothers and Casey]'' Is that good enough for you? Is it!? We're always one step behind. We ''act'' like a bunch of '''amateurs'''! How many more times are we gonna get beaten before you guys '''wise up and realize''' <big><big>'''this isn't a game!?'''</big></big> ''[turns around and storms off alone]'' :'''Raph''': ''[stands up and flips the switch to close the back doors]'' I hate to admit it, but he ''ain't'' wrong. : ''[Donatello starts the Battle Shell and drives away, Casey walks up next to him]'' :'''Casey''': Hey, Donny, drive by the cemetery, will ya’? I got an important stop I need to make. <hr width=50%/> :''[Morning came as Donatello, Raphael and Michelangelo wait at the Battle Shell as Casey enters the cemetery, he walks up to his father’s grave]'' :'''Casey''': Hey, Pops, I brought ya’ something. ''[kneels and places the torn piece of jacket from Hun on the grave, the marker reads “Arnold Casey Jones Sr. Beloved Husband, Father and Friend.”]'' You spoke true, Pop. No matter what, you gotta stand up and do the right thing. But I guess I’m lucky. Even when the odds are against me, I ain’t alone. ''[stands up]'' I got friends. Good friends. :''[The three turtles stand together and watching him as the morning sun rises]'' ==Still Nobody== :'''Nobody''': ''(Narrating)'' Watching over the city, I have learned the sad truth that violence begins violence. They say nobody can break the cycle. That nobody cares. Nobody can do anything about it. Nobody tries to change things and they're right. Because I'm still Nobody and I do care. I will try to change things. I will make a difference. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': Don't stop. Mikey, you left your shell cell on. :'''Michelangelo''': I'm sorry mister 'I'm going to pump you up' Leonardo, but I didn’t know we'd be doing a pull-up marathon. ''[Donatello pops him on the back of the head.]'' Ow! :'''Raphael''': Whoa, Don. Don't smack Mikey. ''[He pops Michelangelo.]'' That's my job. :'''Michelangelo''': Hey! Do I look like a piñata? :'''Donatello''': ''[to Michelangelo]'' Just answer your phone. :'''Michelangelo''': Talk to the turtle. ''[They all continue the pull-ups.]'' Hey, long time no hear. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. No problem. We'll be there. :'''Raphael''': ''[to Michelangelo]'' Who was it? :'''Michelangelo''': Nobody. <hr width=50%/> :'''Fang''': Yes, Master Hun? :'''Hun''': Scratch Jencko and his Turks off of our list of possible recruits, and see if you can retrieve any of the hardware we sold that punk. ''[The limo arrives in front of the “Oroku Saki Memorial Library”.]'' Seems a shame to waste it. :''[Hun steps out of the limo.]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[Inside, people are milling about, talking to one another. Karai steps up to the podium in front of a large, draped object. Reporters begin taking pictures as the crowd quiets down.]'' :'''Karai''': Thank you all for coming to this dedication of the new Oroku Saki Memorial Library. One final gift from my late father to the city that he loved. ''[The drape is pulled off of a huge statue of Oroku Saki. Everyone applauds.]'' It is a great honor to dedicate my life to carrying on my father’s humanitarian efforts, even though he is gone, taken from us too soon. <hr width=50%/> :'''Hun''': ''(sarcastic)'' Lovely party, Karai. :'''Karai''': Hun. I did not expect to see you at this dedication. :'''Hun''': ''[stands up]'' Explain something to me, Karai! You do all this in the name of the Shredder. ''He'' was a alien slug! How could you have known that and still serve him?! :'''Karai''': The Shredder gave me a life. He was my father, and I vow in his name, and I will hunt down those who destroyed him and make them pay with their lives! ==All Hallows Thieves== :'''Raphael''': ''(Narrating)'' Halloween in New York City. One of my favorite times of the year. A day where no matter how odd, how freaky, or scary you might be, you fit in with everyone else. A day when girls and boys all over the city dress as their favorite monsters and heroes and get free candy. A day when even a teenage mutant ninja turtle can walk around in the open. Of course, some Halloweens are filled with more tricks than treats. Maybe this year, we should've stayed home and rented scary movies. ==Samurai Tourist== :'''Miyamoto Usagi''': ''(Narrating)'' The paths we walk in life are different for each of us. Some walk the land without a care in the world while some choose to take on burdens that would crush the spirits of most. The land cares little of which path you choose. But its inhabitants are another matter entirely. Clearly, this is not our land. Gennosuke and I came to visit old friends, but I fear now that our presence has done more harm than good. <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> :'''Splinter''': Thank you, Miyamoto Usagi. When I asked you to come, I hoped you could reach him, but I fear my son is now traveling down a difficult path. A path it seems he must travel alone. :'''Usagi''': I wish you good luck, Master Splinter. Farewell, my friends. ''[pushes Kojima into the portal.]'' :'''Gennosuke''': So long boys! ''[chuckling]'' :''[Gennosuke follows Usagi into the portal. Suddenly...]'' :'''Michelangelo''': ''[scream, appears on the upper landing.]'' Stop him! Don’t let him go! :'''Donatello''': Mikey? ''[The portal vanishes.]'' :'''Raphael''': What now, shell for brains? :'''Michelangelo''': My Silver Sentry comics. Gen, he-- he took ‘em. All of ‘em. '''No!''' ==The Ancient One== * This marks the debut appearance of the Ancient One. <hr width=50%/> :'''[[w:Leonardo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Leonardo]]''': ''(Narrating)'' I've traveled thousands of miles looking for an answer, only to wind up here, halfway across the world in the middle of nowhere, battling it out with four nasty creatures, more ghosts than man, but who's steel is all too real. Meanwhile, my traveling companion, some gross slob who attached himself to me like a bloated tick, doesn't do a thing to help out. He just sits there, grinning like a fool, leaving me to fight for both our lives. I've journeyed all across the world in search for answers, and instead, all I'm gonna get is my head chopped off. <hr width=50%/> :''[The episode begins inside the turtles’ lair, as Leonardo and Splinter spar.]'' :'''Leonardo''': I already told you, I’m fine. :'''Master Splinter''': You are sure?! :''[Michelangelo lowers his comic book and grimaces.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Nothing’s the matter, Sensei. Why do you keep asking me that?! :'''Master Splinter''': So much anger. The unopened bottle will burst when its internal pressure becomes too much to bear. ''[Donatello spots Raphael at the weight bench.]'' For months now you have been brooding, surly, and stubborn. :''[Donatello appears worried.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Yeah, right. :''[Donatello and Raphael glance at one another. Shift to Splinter and Leonardo, who are sparring with swords.]'' :'''Master Splinter''': You have not been yourself. You must release what festers within you. Your family will help you, Leonardo. It is important that we be open with one another. :''[Leonardo attacks and manages to disarm Splinter. He then angrily confronts his father.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Open?! Okay, this Katana lesson stinks! I've mastered this years ago! '''YEARS AGO'''!! :'''Master Splinter''': ''[stares at him and then retrieves the sword.]'' It is not the students choice to say when a lesson is learned. ''[He attacks.]'' The student’s place is to listen and learn. :''[The sparring grows fierce and the other turtles gather to watch.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Something tells me the cork’s about to pop on that unopened bottle. :'''Raphael''': That hothead. ''[Donatello and Michelangelo look at him]'' I hate it when Leo reminds me of me. :'''Leonardo''': I've already mastered this lesson! ''[shoves Splinter.]'' And yesterday's lesson! And the lesson before that! '''WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO TEACH ME''' ''[disarms Splinter.]'' '''SOMETHING I DON'T ALREADY KNOW?!!!''' ''[slashes at Splinter and slices his head. The other turtles run to their father as he drops to one knee and grabs his head.]'' :'''Donatello''': Master Splinter! :'''Michelangelo''': Are you okay? ''[Leonardo drops his sword.]'' :'''Raphael''': Leo! What the shell is your problem!? :'''Leonardo''': ''[shoves past Raphael]'' Master! ''[and Donatello]'' Master, I’m so sorry. I-I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just… I just lost control. ''[He hangs his head.]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[Later, Master Splinter kneels in his room, which is candle lit. There is a bandage on his head. Leonardo stands in the doorway.]'' :'''Splinter''': Sit down, my son. :''[Leonardo enters, slides the door shut, and kneels before his father.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Master, I-I don’t know what to say. :'''Splinter''': Say nothing, listen. We were all badly wounded in our final confrontation with the Shredder. Your brothers and I have healed, but you have not. I have meditated long and hard on this matter, and now realize that you are correct. :'''Leonardo''': Huh? :'''Splinter''': It is time for you to move on. It is time for you to study with a new sensei. :'''Leonardo''': But-but, Master, I don’t want a new sensei. I’m happy here with you. ''[Donatello, Michelangelo and Raphael are listening at the door.]'' I know there’s so much more that you can teach me. :'''Splinter''': No, my son. It is as it must be. ''[Both stand and Splinter goes to the shelves on his back wall.]'' Now, there is but one master in all the world that I would entrust my son’s well-being to. He is wise, honorable, and highly skilled. He is called the Ancient One, ''[He looks at a picture of Hamato Yoshi.]'' and he was the sensei to my sensei, Hamato Yoshi. You must make a pilgrimage, a pilgrimage halfway across the world. :'''Leonardo''': But, Sensei… :'''Splinter''': Come, let us prepare you for your journey. <hr width=50%/> :''[He pushes Leonardo back and swings at him. As Leonardo fights, he has a flashback to Donatello, aboard Shredder’s starship during [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 3)|Exodus part 2]], as the engine starts to overload.]'' :'''Donatello''': Help me! I’m hurt! ''[echoes]'' :'''Michelangelo''': We’re not gonna make it! Leo, help me! ''[echoes]'' :'''Raphael''': Leo, the Shredder’s coming for us! You gotta do something! ''[echoes]'' :'''Splinter''': Save us, Leonardo! We are all counting on you, my son. ''[echoes]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Ancient One''': If there was nothing more you could have done, why do you punish yourself so? :'''Leonardo''': I finally understand. ''[He turns and walks back to the short man and then drops to one knee.]'' Ancient One. I am honored. :'''Ancient One''': Took you long enough, Leonardo. <hr width=50%/> :'''Ancient One''': Now, Leonardo, tell an old man just what it is you think you have learned. ''[hands a bowl to Leonardo.]'' :'''Leonardo''': I guess I’ve been… I’ve been obsessed with failing. I hardened my heart like a rock; wrapped up inside my own shell. Trying to be perfect; thinking I wasn’t good enough, that I needed to be better. So angry… so…. ''[The Ancient One raps him on the head with a bamboo stick.]'' Ow! What? :'''Ancient One''': Too many words. Explain simply. :'''Leonardo''': I’ve been my own worst enemy. :'''Ancient One''': Much better. Now, relax and enjoy your tea, and let me tell you a tale of Master Yoshi. Yoshi found himself at a crossroads, not dissimilar to your own. ==Scion of the Shredder== * [[w:Karai (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Karai]] assumes the legacy of her adopted Utrom father and becomes the new Shredder and the Ninja Turtles' sworn enemy, especially toward Leo. <hr width=50%/> :'''Donatello''': ''(Narrating)'' I've been worried a lot lately. For starters, I'm worried about the Foot. They're back... and they're tougher than ever. And... I'm worried about my brother, Leonardo. He's on a quest to parts unknown, and I'm worried he's not gonna find what he's been looking for. But mostly... I'm worried that Leo won't find us alive when he gets back. Master Splinter tells me that I worry too much. Okay, you tell me. Should I be worried? <hr width=50%/> :''[The episode opens inside the turtles’ lair. Raphael is working out on his punching bag. Donatello is strapped into a harness, suspended over the Shell Sub where he is doing some welding. Michelangelo is seated on the couch with Klunk next to him. He is stacking playing cards while Master Splinter looks on.]'' :'''Splinter''': That is an impressive edifice, Michelangelo. Dare I ask how many hours you have spent building it? :'''Michelangelo''': Good question, Sensei. Hey, Raph, what time is it? :'''Raphael''': Like I wear a watch? How should I know? Hey, Donny, what time is it? :'''Donatello''': Beats me. Ask Leo. ''[He cuts off the welding torch and his brothers stop what they are doing. Splinter lowers his head with a sigh.]'' Sorry. Leo’s been gone more than two months and I still forget he’s not here. :'''Raphael''': Master Splinter, when’s that bum coming back anyway? :''[Donatello and Raphael walk over to join the others.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': And is Leo coming back normal, or like, more normal? ‘Cause before he left he was acting kinda, you know... ''[He twirls a finger next to his temple and Raphael slaps the back of his head.]'' Ow! Hey! :'''Splinter''': I do not know, my sons. Leonardo is on a pilgrimage to find the Ancient One, and to find answers. Such things are beyond time. :'''Donatello''': Well, I miss having him around. :'''Splinter''': As do we all. We must have faith that he will return when he is ready. <hr width=50%/> :'''Ancient One''': Leonardo, your family is in grave danger. :'''Leonardo''': What?! ''[jumps up and leaps over to join the Ancient One, who nods at him.]'' I understand, Sensei. <hr width=50%/> :'''Michelangelo''': Um, what is that? :''[The turtles pull their weapons. Klunk curls around Michelangelo’s ankle.]'' :'''Raphael''': Whatever it is, it’s coming through the front door! :''[The banging continues and the heavily fortified lair entrance bulges. The lair shakes and stones fall. The door shifts to one side and a brace rips loose, then the door falls. Splinter and the turtles rush towards the ramp and watch as two huge Foot mechs, called Shrednauts, crash through the wall and enter the lair. The Shrednauts pause and Foot ninja run into the lair.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': What the...? The Foot! :'''Donatello''': But how? How did ''they'' find us? :'''Raphael''': Don’t matter how they found us, they found us. Now let’s kick the shell out of ‘em! ''[He rushes to meet some advancing ninja.]'' '''Get... out... of... my house!!''' <hr width=50%/> :'''Raphael''': Oh, shell! :'''Donatello''': No way! It can’t be him! :'''Michelangelo''': Master Splinter, any chance this is just another mystical attack? :'''Splinter''': No, my son, this is real. All too real. :'''Donnie''': The Shredder! But, the Utroms sentenced him to exile. :'''Raph''': Yeah? Well, it didn’t take. :''[The dust around the Shredder swirls and then the four Foot Elite appear.]'' :'''Karai''': Oroku Saki is gone, thanks to you, but the Shredder lives on! ''[She removes her helmet to reveal herself.]'' :'''Donnie''': Karai! :'''Splinter''': So the daughter of Oroku Saki has become the Shredder. Why? :'''Karai''': Honor demands it, Splinter-san. After you helped the vile Utroms exile my father, I vowed to avenge his honor! :'''Splinter''': You dare speak of honor!? Your father murdered my Master Yoshi! Your father had no honor! :'''Karai''': You will pay for your lie! ''All of you!!'' Where is Leonardo?! :'''Raph''': He ain't here. :'''Mikey''': You know, you just missed him, but if you leave right now, we'll tell him that you stopped by. :'''Karai''': You mock me. The fact that you still live mocks me!! ''[She dons the helmet.]'' That all ends now! ''Destroy them!'' Leave no one alive. <hr width80%> :'''Splinter''': Master Yoshi's orb. ''[Karai brakes it]'' No!! :'''Karai''': Your sons destroyed my father! Now I will repay them in kind! ''I'' begged Leonardo to let him go, but ''he'' would not listen to reason!! :'''Splinter''': It is ''you'' who has been blinded to ''reason!'' Oroku Saki was a murderer! But ''you'' will ''not'' allow yourself to see the truth!! :'''Karai''': I see clearly, rat! and you will pay for what you have done to me! :'''Splinter''': I reached out to you! I hoped that you would turn away from evil, but I can see now that has consumed you!! You are faster than your father. I will give you that, but your dark heart will betray you, just as his did! :'''Karai''': You are not even worthy to speak of my father, rodent!! I will silence your treacherous tongue once and for all!! <hr width80%> :'''Raph''': Donnie, you take Master Splinter with you. We split up, get out, and hook back up again topside. Got it? ''[They jump as a Shrednaut strikes the ledge they were on.]'' Now let’s go! And guys, be careful. <hr width80%> :''[Meanwhile, Karai is still inside the lair.]'' :'''Karai''': In the name of Oroku Saki, ''Find them!!'' They must not be allowed to live. ''[The Foot bow to her and run to do her bidding.]'' And tear this filthy place apart, Leave nothing standing! :''[The Shrednauts begin firing, taking down support pillars and blasting the ceiling with missiles. Karai laughs as the turtles’ home is destroyed.]'' <hr width80%> :''[To the river, where Donatello, piloting the Shell Sub, is trying to shake his pursuers. The Foot fire torpedoes.]'' :'''Donatello''': Hold on, Master Splinter. :''He pulls back hard on the steering column and the Shell Sub goes straight up. The torpedoes hit each other and explode. The Foot manage to get in front of him and one fires his torpedoes, scoring a direct hit on the underbelly of the Shell Sub. The sub flips over, water beginning to drip into the interior.'' :'''Donatello''': I don’t have enough firepower to fight all of them. Unless… ''[glances at a set of controls.]'' Hang on, Master Splinter. I’ve got an idea. :''[He presses a set of buttons and the Shell Sub rights itself. Torpedoes launch and fire directly into the river bottom, where they raise a dust cloud. Donatello manages to keep the sub upright and land it at the center of the dust cloud. River bottom dirt covers the sub as it settles on the bottom. The Foot converge on the spot where it went down. Inside, Donatello forces open the door and water floods into the cabin. He gives the diving gear to Splinter and then takes a deep breath before kicking a gear and then swimming out of the sub. Suddenly, the Shell Sub emerges and shoots straight upwards. Donatello and Splinter peek up out of the dirt to watch the Foot go after it and fire multiple torpedoes, all of which hit the sub. It explodes, and the remains sink to the river bottom.]'' :'''Underwater Foot Ninja''': Mistress Karai, Donatello and the rat have been destroyed. :'''Karai''': ''[on radio]'' Excellent. Most excellent. :''[The Foot leave. Donatello and Splinter pass the breathing mask back and forth as they swim for the surface.]'' <hr width80%> :''[Michelangelo punches through a wall with the Tunneler and enters the subway tunnels. He drives straight across tracks and drills through another wall to reach another sewer tunnel, with the Shrednaut in hot pursuit. he opens the door]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Hang on, Klunk! ''[jumps out of the Tunneler and dives for cover in the side tunnel. The Tunneler speeds away with the Shrednaut in pursuit. The Shrednaut fires several missiles and hits the Tunneler, which rolls over and crashes.]'' :'''Foot Technician''': Foot Mech Four to Base. Michelangelo is finished. :'''Karai''': ''[on radio]'' Excellent. :''[Michelangelo runs away from the area, carrying Klunk with him.]'' <hr width80%> :'''Karai''': ''[Cut to an overhead view of the city.]'' All that remains is Leonardo. ==Prodigal Son== * Leo becomes less trustful towards Karai since this episode. However, he still appears to have feelings for her as he spared her life. <hr width80%> :'''[[w:Karai (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Karai]]''': ''(Praying)'' Honorable father, though you are imprisoned among the stars, I bring you news that will set free your soul. I, your humble daughter, Karai, discovered the lair of your most hated enemies and led a full Foot attack force against them. Utterly defeated, all they could was flee. Donatello and the rat we left destroyed at the bottom of the river. Michelangelo tried to burrow his way into safety, but he could not dig deep enough to escape my wrath. And Raphael was blown to smithereens in the turtles' own Battle Shell. All that remains is Leonardo, father, and once I find him, then you will truly and forever be avenged! <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': Man! I really missed this old place. ''[sees the ruins of the Lair]'' Oh no, the lair!! ''[strips off his coat and draws a katana before entering.]'' No!! What happened here!? ''[picks up a broken Shell Cell, looks around, and continues on, finding that the lair has almost been completely destroyed. Poised on a ledge above, a Shrednaut’s lights come on. It captures Leonardo’s presence in its view screen and jumps down in front of him. The Foot Technician inside the Shrednaut opens fire, but Leonardo leaps to safety and pulls his second sword.]'' '''You dare come into my home and do this?!!''' ''[jumps at the control pod where the Technician sits and slices into it, causing the Shrednaut to tumble backwards and power down. Leonardo then slices open the harness which holds the Technician in his seat. Leonardo spots the emblem on the Technician’s shirt.]'' The Foot. ''[grabs the Technician by the shirt front and lifts him.]'' '''My family, where are they?!!''' :'''Foot Technician''': You’ll get nothing from me! :''[He presses a button and sparks begin to fly from the Shrednaut’s body. Leonardo leaps away and the Technician flees the machine. Leonardo races out of the lair as the Shrednaut overloads and explodes. The explosion sends Leonardo flying partway down the tunnel, but he is unhurt.]'' :'''Leonardo''': I need some answers. <hr width=50%/> :'''April O'Neil''': ''[from her warning note]'' Leo, I'm so sorry. I not sure what to say, the others are... Karai said she got them all. ''She'' left this. She says your next. Be careful. :'''Leonardo''': No! It can't be! Karai is ''lying!'' They’re alive, I know it! <hr width=50%/> :''[At the Foot Headquarters. A helicopter comes in for a landing and Karai steps out. A Foot ninja meets her and delivers a report.]'' :'''Foot Ninja''': Mistress Karai, we just received the report. The Shrednaut unit stationed in the turtles’ lair was destroyed. :'''Karai''': Leonardo. Deploy all available Foot ninja. Search the city. ''Destroy him!'' ''[The ninja bows and leaves.]'' This night my beloved father will truly be avenged! <hr width=50%/> :''[Leonardo enters an abandoned building through the broken skylight. Behind him, Donatello sees only a shadowed form and draws his bō. Hearing the sound, Leonardo draws a sword and spins around.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Donny? It’s me. :'''Donatello''': Ah, Leo. ''[limps towards his brother.]'' You’re back! :''[They shake hands in greeting.]'' :'''Leonardo''': You okay? :'''Splinter''': My son. :'''Leonardo''': Master Splinter. ''[His father comes out of the shadows, holding his side.]'' I knew it. I knew you were both alive. Don’t worry, Sensei, everything’s gonna be okay. I promise. :'''Donatello''': Oh man, it’s good to see you, bro’. :'''Leonardo''': We have to get both of you out of here before any more Foot show up. <hr width=50%/> :''[Cut to a long range view of {{w|Belvedere Castle}}. A manhole cover slides into place on a trail in {{w|Central Park}}. In the tunnels below, Leonardo leads the way, illuminating their path with his flashlight.]'' :'''Leonardo''': We need to find a safe place for you two to rest and recuperate. Some place far from the old lair. ''[He brushes the dirt off of a sign which reads “Reservoir Pump Station”. Following the arrow on the sign, the trio find a boarded up entrance. he removes the boards and then opens the metal door. He flashes the light around before descending a short set of stairs onto a metal catwalk. The space is huge, with catwalks leading in several directions.]'' This oughta do for now. :'''Donatello''': This must be one of the earlier pumping stations for the reservoir. I think I’ve seen it on some of the old city planning. ''[He looks around at the expansive space and whistles.]'' Very nice! :'''Splinter''': Leonardo, now that Donatello and I are safe… :'''Leonardo''': I’m already on it, Master Splinter. I’ll find them. ''[He races out of the station.]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Raphael''': I ''can't'' believe Karai did this to '''''us!''''' I can't believe ''she'' and the Foot tooked '''''our home!''''' :'''Leonardo''': Listen, Raph, nothing is permanent. We have to flow with change. :'''Master Splinter''': Perhaps Leonardo has learned a thing or two from the Ancient One. ''[He and Leonardo look at one another.]'' Yes, I can see it in your eyes. I have my son back. And I can see something else in your eyes. Please be careful, my son. She will be well guarded, and her skills are much improved. :'''Leonardo''': So are mine, sensei. I’ll be fine, I promise. Now, get some rest. I’m gonna go get some food and supplies. I’ll be back. :'''Raphael''': Hey, Leo, bring back some sodas or something. :'''Michelangelo''': And some pizza and Chinese food ''[Klunk meow]'' and some kibble. <hr width=50%/> :''[Karai is inside the Oroku Saki Memorial Library in full Shredder armor, sans the helmet. She approaches Oroku Saki’s statue, kneels and removes the covering from a katana. This she places in the stand which is at the feet of the statue. As soon as she sets the sword in place, the “Sewer Sweet Sewer” plaque whips through the air and impales the sword stand.]'' :'''Leonardo''': ''[coldly]'' Hello, Karai. Got your message. :'''Karai''': I am impressed. Security here is very tight, yet here you are, undetected. :''[Leonardo hops down and takes up a defensive posture.]'' :'''Leonardo''': So, you are the new Shredder? :''[Karai places the helmet on her head and turns.]'' :'''Karai''': Yes. ''[draws her sword]'' And I am your doom! :''[Leonardo pulls one of his swords as well.]'' :'''Leonardo:''' You have gone too far this time, Karai!! :'''Karai:''' Not far enough! Not until you lie broken and battered at my feet! Only then will my father truly be avenged! Make no mistake, Leonardo, son of Splinter, hated enemy of my father. Your path ends here! :''[leaps at him and he rushes to meet her attack. Their swords clash and they push against each other.]'' :'''Leonardo:''' I remember when we first met, Karai! We fought side by side and I said you were nothing like the Shredder! ''[He falls back, pulling her down and rolling until she is on her back and he is standing over her.]'' I thought you understood honor, but I was wrong! ''You're exactly like him!! You understand '''nothing!!''''' :''[She kicks him off, but he does a handspring and regains his feet. Leonardo catches her sword on his and quickly disarms her, sending her sword flying onto the arms of the statue. She takes a swing at him, but he ducks and pulls her second sword from her belt.]'' :'''Karai''': No, you will pay. You must pay! ''[She tries to slash him with her Tekkō-kagi, but he ducks. Karai squats and launches the weighted end of her Manriki-gusari at him. It wraps around the handle of her stolen sword and she flips backwards, her weight pulling the weapon from his hand. She throws the sword behind her and drops the hook end of the Manriki-gusari into her other hand. Spinning it, she charges and throws the weapon. Leonardo pulls his second katana, leaps, and slices through the chain.]'' No! I must have my revenge! ''[She runs but Leonardo pursues. As she turns, he flips through the air at her, slicing several times. Karai’s helmet falls into several pieces, shocking her.]'' :'''Leonardo:''' Your own anger defeats you, Karai. ''[stands with his back to her.]'' You remind me of a Turtle I used to know. :'''Karai:''' ''[takes a couple of steps back, and grabs the communication device from her belt.]'' Security to the library… ''[Before she can finish, Leonardo slashes across the device, destroying it. As it falls, Leonardo, who has gotten behind her, places his katana near her head. He taps on her shoulder with the sword and she drops to her knees.]'' Go ahead. Do it! Finish me! :'''Leonardo:''' No. ''[Still kneeling, Karai turns as he sheathes his swords.]'' I'm giving you one last chance to do the right thing, Karai. Don't waste it. ''[walks over to Saki’s statue.]'' And Karai, ''[leaps]'' ''stay away [grabs Saki’s sword] from my '''family!!''''' ''[slashes at the statue and tosses the sword so that it sticks into the floor in front of Karai. As he races away]'' :''[The statue’s head falls, having been sliced away from the body. It bounces and rolls across the floor, coming to a stop in front of Karai. Suddenly the room is flooded with Foot ninjas.]'' :'''Foot Ninja''': Mistress Karai! Is everything all right?! :''[Karai looks up to see two of the upper window panels flapping in the breeze.]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[Leonardo returns to the new lair carrying a duffel bag.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Did someone mention food? ''[takes two containers from the bag.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Chinese food for breakfast? ''[He and Donatello both catch a container.]'' Works for me. :''[Kneeling, Leonardo hands a container of food to Raphael and then stands to walk over to Splinter.]'' :'''Leonardo''': I’ve checked it out and this seems like a safe place, Master Splinter. We could stay here, maybe even fix it up a bit. :'''Splinter''': It is as the great sage, Shinto Sakamoto said, home is where you hang your hat. :''[Leonardo kneels before him and takes an ornate walking stick from his bag.]'' :'''Leonardo''': This walking stick is said to have come from a very ancient and mystic tree. ''[He presents the stick to Splinter, who takes it from him.]'' I got it with the Ancient One. I’ve carried it all this way for you. :'''Splinter''': Ah, a very gracious gift. ''[They bow to one another.]'' Thank you, Leonardo. Welcome home. ==Outbreak== :'''Agent Bishop''': ''(Narrating)'' For too long, our world, our history, has been influenced by extraterrestrial threats. I know this all too well. My purpose has always been clear: Defend against the threat. Rebuild humanity to resist invasion. It hasn't always been easy. There are tough choices that need to be made. Someone has to stop this alien plague. It was a vow I made long ago. And I intend to keep it. <hr width=50%/> :'''Michelangelo''': Ugh. Next time I’ll take lookout duty. :'''Raphael''': Great. More of Karai's Foot ninja. We should be out hunting them, not the other way around. :'''Leonardo''': We’ll handle Karai, Raph, but on our terms, not hers. We’ll handle whatever comes our way. <hr width=50%/> :'''Raphael''': You okay, bro’? ''[helps Donatello up.]'' :'''Donatello''': Thanks. :'''Michelangelo''': Don, Raph, watch out! :''[They turn to see several tentacles shooting towards them. Raphael shoves Donatello out of the way.]'' :'''Raphael''': Move! :''[Raphael avoids the tentacles, but one of the spikes strikes Donatello’s thigh.]'' :'''Donatello''': Oh! :''[Raphael pins the tentacle with his sai.]'' :'''Donatello''': My leg. :'''Raphael''': You okay? :'''Donatello''': Yeah, just a nick. Uh, thanks again. ==Trouble with Augie== * This marks the only appearance of Professor August O'Neil, an uncle of [[w:April O'Neil|April O'Neil]] and is the only appearance of Robyn O'Neil, a sister of April. <hr width=50%/> :'''April O'Neil''': ''(Narrating)'' The man in the hat is my uncle Augie. Uncle Augie didn't just teach me math and science, he taught me to love them. If it wasn't for him, I never would've have gotten my college degree in math. Uncle Augie was always coming and going, off on adventures, but we made the most of our time together. Then one day, uncle Augie just disappeared and he never came back. I'd give anything to see my uncle Augie again. I know he's alive and somehow, someway, I'm going to find him. <hr width=50%/> :'''Mikey''': Especially since Karai the new miss Shredder showed up at your shop. ==Insane in the Membrane== * This marks the only appearance of Baxter Stockman's mother in flashbacks. <hr width=50%/> :''[Montage of Stockman's accomplishments accompanied by his voice over]'' :'''[[w:Baxter Stockman|Baxter Stockman]]''': ''(Narrating)'' Once, long ago, I, Dr. Baxter Stockman, was a whole man. With a brilliant mind and an able body! In the scientific community, I was unequalled! Throughout the world, I was renowned, revered, worshipped! But it all went wrong, horribly, horribly wrong. My genius fell under the control of cruel-minded brutes. :''[Flashback of Shredder ordering Hun to drag Stockman away.]'' :'''Baxter Stockman''': No, '''NOOOOOOOOOO!''' :''[We see Hun, from Stockman's POV, thrusting a saw in his face, and the image shatters as it makes contact. A montage of Stockman's various injuries plays until we see him as just a brain in a jar]'' :'''Baxter Stockman''': ''(Narrating)'' They whittled me away, piece by piece, limb by limb, until I was reduced to nearly nothing. ''[Stockman, in his deteriorated form, approaches the camera menacingly]'' But those simpletons aren't to blame. I finally know who's responsible for my downfall, and now, with my new body, I will finally have my revenge! <hr width=50%/> :'''Baxter Stockman''': [Driven to madness and desperation] This experiment is a catastrophe. (As he slams his hands on the floor which it cracks) Uh! HOW could I have been so stupid? Why was I in such a rush? Why didn't I listen to agent Bishop? [Rips off his lab coat in rage] WHY?! Why am I a failure, my whole life?! Oh, mama. I made such promise. (Reminiscing) Where did it all go wrong?! Where? ''[The scene turns red and blue as all of Stockman's enemies appear in his mind, reminscing his time with them. First, we cut to Shredder and some Baxter's injuries.]'' A horrible degradation at the hands of the Shredder. ''[Cut to Hun, who looks grumpily at camera with Purple Dragons behind his back.]'' His horrific bug, Hun! ''[Cut to the turtles]'' And those despicable turtles! No! No! [Camera pans to April, who points at something and then...] Before then… It was her! I trusted her and ''she'' betrayed me! ''[Cut to the turtles (in shadows) and April. Raphael is seen kicking robot Stockman.]'' SHE brought in those turtles and ruined everything, my glorious mousers failed because of her and that failure is what brought the Shredder's wrath down upon me! Yes! She's responsible, ''she'' did this to me. (He picks up the whole table, throws at machinery and brakes) And ''she'' is the one who will pay!! <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> :'''Casey Jones''': He just busted in he knocked me out when I woke up they were gone, all I remember is him saying something about going back to where this all started. :'''Raphael''': Where it all started? :'''Leonardo''': Stocktronics, ''[To Stockman continues to carry April to his old lab building now abandoned, offscreen]'' the lab where he and April first worked together it has to be. <hr width=50%/> :'''Mrs. Stockman''': Baxter, ''[coughing]'' I'm sorry baby doll Mama's just worn out, I guess this old body just can't take it, I so wanted to see you grow up and be a fine man, I did ''[coughing]'' Remember the sky's the limit for you boy, I love you Baxter. ''[dies]'' :'''Young Baxter Stockman''': No, Mama! Don't leave me. Mama! Mama! <hr width=50%/> :'''Leo''': Let her go, Stockman! :'''Baxter Stockman''': April? You, you betrayed me! :'''Donnie''': Run, April! Get out of here! :'''Baxter Stockman''': No! She can't leave, I forbid it! :'''Mikey''': You asked for it, Dr. Stockman-Stein! <hr width=50%/> :'''Raph''': There they are! :'''Mikey''': On the cable car! <hr width=50%/> :'''Stockman''': Now we can finally set things right. :'''April''': Doctor Stockman, please don’t this, can you remember when your work helped people when it was about the science? You were a brilliant man the sky was the limit for you Doctor Stockman. :'''Stockman''': ''[starts hallucinating again.]'' Mama? ''[sees April as his mother.]'' :'''Baxter Stockman's mother''': The sky was the limit you were such a good boy, you had so much potential, what happened to you baby doll? ''[sees her as herself again]'' :'''April''': You were someone I admired, someone I respected and you can be again. :'''Baxter Stockman''': Mama what have I done? :''[The coupling of the cable car continues to break]'' :'''April''': Doctor. :''[Stockman hallucinates April as his mother again.]'' :'''Baxter Stockman's mother''': Baxter. :'''April''': Please. :''[The cable car shakes and she trips backwards.]'' :'''Baxter Stockman''': (gasps) Mama, Mama. :'''Casey''': April! :'''Baxter Stockman''': ''[still hallucinates April as his mother]'' Mama. You've got to get off of here, Mama it's not safe. ''[He comes to April and picks her, Casey climbs down the cable and grabs April.]'' Hurry Mama, ''[Casey places his around April and they both look at Stockman]'' hurry! I love you, Mama! I… ''[The coupling brakes from the cable and the cable car falls in to the river]'' I… Ahhh! :''[The slash is heard as April cries over Stockman's "death", the turtles pull the cable getting Casey and April to safety inside the copter.]'' :'''Mikey''': Man, you think that's the end of Stockman? :'''Leo''': We've seen him come back from worse. Only time will tell. :'''Raph''': Well, I say it good riddance! That psycho's giving us nothing, but grief, ever since we met him! :'''Donnie''': I dunno, at least he gave us this neat chopper... sort of. Now, let's just find a place to park it. ==Return of Savanti== ===Part 1 [4.20]=== :'''Donatello''': ''(Narrating)'' My name is Donatello and right now I can't help but think of an old saying: Be careful what you wish for. All my life, I've been fascinated with what they call "terrible lizards" and "thunder beasts". Dinosaurs. But now, amazingly, I got my wish. Here I am in the Cretaceous Period, 65 million years ago, finally seeing them with my own two eyes, while running for my life. So be careful what you wish for, or, just like the dinosaurs, you might find yourself facing sudden extinction. ===Part 2 [4.21]=== :'''Savanti Romero''': ''(Narrating)'' Eons ago, I was on the verge of ultimate power. With the omnipotent Time Scepter, I, Savanti Romero, was going to rule all of time. That is, until Lord Simultaneous thwarted my plan. He turned me into a monster and exiled me from null time to Earth's Middle Ages where he hoped never to hear from me again. But instead, I plotted: Summoning all my magic, I tried again to take the time scepter and use it against Lord Simultaneous. But thanks to the interference of those accursed ninja turtles and that foolish timestress Renet, my victory was denied and Simultaneous exiled me once more, even further in time to Earth's Cretaceous Period, but that did not stop me. Again, I gathered my magic and lured my prey back through time. Savanti Romero will not be denied his revenge. The timestress will pay for her meddling. The time scepter will finally be mine. As for the turtles, they have no idea of the changes that are about to befall them. ==Tale of Master Yoshi== * This marks the only appearance of [[w:Tang Shen|Tang Shen]], and Yukio Mashimi in flashbacks. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' Honor. Integrity. Bushido. These were the ideals that drove Master Splinter's beloved master: Hamato Yoshi. He had traveled far to reach this castle fortress only to find four Foot elite warriors barring his way. But four or four hundred, it mattered not for on this particular night, Yoshi was driven by a powerful force unfamiliar to him. Hatred. Hatred that burned so bright it threatened to destroy him. Hatred born out of the need for revenge. <hr width=50%/> :'''Donatello''': I know! Maybe Leo should tell us about the Ancient One. :'''Raphael''': Yeah, Leo. I want to know the other things you learned on how to kick butt. :'''Leonardo''': Well, I wouldn't know where to start, but there is one story I think you might want to hear... about Master Splinter's master, Hamato Yoshi. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': It's a story about a girl. :'''Raphael''': A girl? Does she kick butt? :'''Master Splinter''': Raphael. Please, continue, Leonardo. :'''Leo''': Okay. Our story begins long ago in the 1960s. Japan was just getting back on its feet. :'''Michelangelo''': After an attack by [[Godzilla]]? :'''Leo''': No. After its defeat in [[w:World War II|World War II]]. It was not uncommon to see young orphaned boys in the streets, begging for food and money. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' So the Ancient One took Yoshi and his friend into his home, and trained them in the ways of ninjitsu, and treated them as if they were his own sons. As they grew into young men, they became closer than brothers, best of friends who do everything together. They even fell in love at the same time, with the same girl - [[w:Tang Shen|Tang Shen]]. They were crazy about her. Tang Shen was also an orphan raised by the Ancient One. It was her loving care that made the Ancient One's house into a home and that often brought unexpected visitors to her kitchen. :'''Tang Shen''': Mashimi, no! :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' But Tang Shen saw a hungry innocent creature and, as always, her first thought was to care for it. She decided to keep the curious rat as a pet. Seeing that Tang Shen had grown fond of the hungry little visitor, Yoshi had built a home for the newest member of their family. Although, Tang Shen had captured both the boys' hearts, it was clear that her heart belonged to only one of them - Yoshi. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' But the Ancient One was dead set against it. :'''Ancient One''': Ha, no. The Guardians are no place for you. You must ''not'' do this. Yoshi, a different destiny awaits you. Neither of you are ready. You need much more training. :'''Yukio Mashimi''': Sensei, we are more than ready. :'''Ancient One''': In body perhaps, but it is your heart and mind that still need training, my son. :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': The Guardians are an honorable force for good, Sensei. I want to help them. :''[Tang Shen peers through the doorway into the dojo.]'' :'''Ancient One''': No. I forbid you to ''join'' the Guardians. ''[leaves]'' That is my ''final'' word. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' Though his friendship with Mashimi began to diminish, Yoshi's bond with Tang Shen grew stronger than ever, but the coils of jealousy were winding tighter and tighter in Mashimi's soul until... something snapped. :''[A crack of thunder is followed by rain. Tang Shen lifts her arms to welcome it.]'' :'''Yukio Mashimi''': Tang Shen! :'''Tang Shen''': Oh, Mashimi, you startled me. ''[?]'' What, what is wrong with you? :''[Inside his dojo the little rat munches on a crumb when the sound of Tang Shen’s scream cuts the air. The Ancient One is nearby and runs for the door.]'' :'''Ancient One''': Tang Shen? ''[runs outside, looking for her.]'' Tang Shen! ''[He then spots her prone form.]'' Oh no! Tang Shen! <hr width=50%/> :'''Shredder''': Secure all the exits. Let none escape. :''[Mashimi, now wearing the garb of the Foot, steps up next to Shredder.]'' :'''Mortu''': Mashini, ''you'' have betrayed ''us!''? :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': Mashimi, why? :'''Yukio Mashimi''': How dare ''you'' ask why! ''You'' betrayed ''me!'' We were like brothers, but you had everything and left me with nothing!! Now I take everything from you, including your life!! <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' Yoshi returned to tell Tang Shen all that had happened, only to find out the horrible truth. :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': Tang Shen!? No! '''NOOOO!!''' ''[echoes]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[at Shen's grave]'' :'''Ancient One''': This is all my fault. I knew Mashimi had a dark streak in his heart. :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': It is not your fault, Master. It is Mashimi's fault and he shall pay with his life!! :'''Ancient One''': Be careful, my son. Vengeance is like a splinter that will poison your mind and heart. <hr width=50%/> :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': Yukio Mashimi, I have come for you! Show yourself, ''traitor!'' :'''Shredder''': ''[sits on his throne.]'' Mashimi. :''[Mashimi steps out in front of the stairs leading up to Shredder’s throne.]'' :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': Mashimi, ''I'' challenge ''you'' to a ''duel'', assassin!! :'''Yukio Mashimi''': A duel!? Ha! You have unknowingly stepped into the lion's den, Yoshi! I do not need to fight you! We outnumber you!! :'''Shredder''': You are mistaken, Yukio Mashimi. You stand alone. Defeat Hamato Yoshi and I will forgive our humiliating retreat from the Utrom base. Only if you defeat Yoshi will I let you live. :'''Yukio Mashimi''': As you wish, Master. ''[walks over to where Yoshi waits and strikes a defensive posture.]'' So, Yoshi, our story comes full circle! It began with the two of us and it will end with just the two of us!! :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': This story will only end with one of us, Mashimi!! <hr width=50%/> :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': Well, little one. I will name you Splinter. And together, we will remind ourselves of Tang Shen. Of her beauty, her kindness, and love. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': Well, I think we all know the rest of the story. :'''Michelangleo''': Man! What a bummer story. :'''Master Splinter''': Perhaps, Michelangelo, but perhaps not. It not for these events, I would never have been brought to New York. :'''Donatello''': And the Utroms would never have had to relocate here either, meaning no ooze. :'''Raphael''': No us. <hr width=50%/> :''[Present Day Japan. The Ancient One approaches a home. Inside, a gate rises and he proceeds down a long flight of stairs. He enters a large chamber, lit by fire sconces mounted around the center of a circular area. He bows.]'' :'''Ancient One''': I have come to plead for the turtles. You must not carry out your designs. :''[From the darkness, a pair of blue eyes light up. It is one of the Ninja Tribunal.]'' :'''Juto-Shisho''': You are too late, Ancient One. :''[From another side, the bright eyes are green.]'' :'''Chikara-Shisho''': We have decided. :''[Yet a third set of eyes, silver in color, appears.]'' :'''Kon-Shisho''': We will judge the turtles’ fate. We will determine whether they will live... :'''Juto-Shisho''': Or how they will meet their end. :''[The Ancient One bows.]'' ==<span style=color:purple>'''The Mutated Era of Donatello'''</span>== ===Adventures in Turtle Sitting=== :'''Leonardo''' ''[narrating]'': Things are not good, and they're getting worse by the second. We could really use good old Donnie right about now. Ever since Bishop's mutant outbreak began, Don's been the one guiding us through this whole mess. Coming up with all the answers. :''[Michelangelo gets hit]'' :'''Raph''': Mikey! :'''Leo''': ''[narrating]'' There have been ''hundreds'' of times we'd've been turtle-waxed... if Don's brains hadn't bailed us out. :'''Leo''': ''[sees Raph getting grabbed a monster]'' Raph! :'''Leo''': ''[narrating]'' It's too bad Don's not here now, because this is definitely one of those times. <hr width=50%/> :'''April''': Now who could that be? [She opens the doors to find the Michelangelo, Leonardo and Raphael standing there.] Guys! Hey, this is...unexpected. Guys! Hey, this is...unexpected. :'''Leonardo''': Sorry, April, but we’re on our way to a possible mutant outbreak at the power plant and— :'''Donatello''': Achoo! ''[groans, leans against the doorframe, looking weak and with dark bags under his eyes.]'' :'''April''': Whoa. Don, you look greener than usual. A lot greener than usual. :'''Donnie''': I know, I-- ''[blows his nose.]'' I've picked up this little bug and I haven't been able to shake it. ''[blows nose]'' I was feeling alright, but I just can't handle mutants right now. :'''Mikey''': Did you figure that out before, or after you barfed in the Battle Shell? :'''Raph''': Mikey! ''[slaps Mikey in the head]'' :'''Mikey''': OW! :'''Raph''': ''Adults'' are talking. April, can you keep an eye on Donnie for us? :'''Donnie''': Achoo! ''[blows his nose.]'' :'''April''': Of course Don can stay here. I mean, we weren’t going anywhere anyway. :'''Casey''': Bro’, you are seriously cramping my style here. :'''Donnie''': Sorry. :'''April''': You guys have been on monster patrol for weeks. What’s the plan, clean up all the mutants in Manhattan? :'''Leo''': Well, no. This outbreak is way more than four turtles can handle. We’re just trying to keep it from spreading. :'''April''': Well, go get ‘em guys. We’ll watch Don. :'''Leo''': Donnie, take it easy bro’. ''[The other turtles depart.]'' :'''Donnie''': Good lu-uh-uh-achoo! Achoo! :'''Casey''': Uh! ''[slaps his forehead as Donatello groans.]'' Come on, sickly mutant ninja turtle, you better lie down before you fall down. ''[helps Donatello lie down on the couch and then covers him with a blanket.]'' There. Comfy? <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': Okay, Mikey, you take the left. Don, you cover me on— :'''Michelangelo''': Uh, Don’s home sick from school today, Leo. :'''Leonardo''': Right. Raph, you cover me on the right. And remember guys, just contain them, do not splatter them. :'''Raphael''': We know the drill. Can't have that cream filling spillin' out, infecting other creatures with their freako DNA. The last thing we need is more genetic rejects. I mean, we've already got Mikey. :''[It's loving brother time!]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[after Donatello mutates]'' :'''April O'Neil''': This is crazy! :'''Casey Jones''': What do we do?! :'''April''': It's Don right? Try talking to him! :'''Casey''': Talk to him, are you nuts!? He's a savage, freaky monster and '''YOU JUST WHACKED HIM IN THE FACE WITH A BROOM!!!''' :''[Casey being the voice of reason]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Stockman''': I-- I don’t understand. What’s happened? What have you done to me? :'''Agent Bishop''': I had your brain recovered from the bottom of New York’s East River after your misguided sabbatical. While I could do without your personality, I do need your brain. The outbreak is getting worse by the minute, and I expect you to use that powerful mind of yours to clean it up. :'''Stockman''': I-- I-- I can’t believe... oh. I can’t believe you brought me back this. Why? Why? [He gets off the table and stands on shaky legs before falling.] Why couldn’t you let me finally rest in peace? Why?! <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': What was that thing? :'''Raphael''': And where’s Don? :'''Michelangelo''': Did that monster get Don? :'''April''': Guys, that monster is Don. :'''Michelangelo''': Say what? :'''April''': That thing you just fought is Don. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leatherhead''': I regret to say... I cannot cure him. :'''Mikey''': What?! NO!! :'''Raphael''': '''MAN, I AM GONNA TAKE BISHOP AND RAM MY FOOT SO FAR...''' :'''Leonardo''': Easy, Raph! We'll find cure, but first we got to capture Don before he hurts himself or anyone else. :''[Raph almost says something inappropriate for kids]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Michelangelo''': Oh ugly, mutated-version-of-my-beloved-brother DONATELLOOOO, where are youuu~?! ''[He hears growling.]'' Donny?! :''[Mutant Donatello appears rounds a turn, sees Michelangelo, and charges.]'' :'''Mikey''': Like, ZOINKS!! :''[Michelangelo dodges a swing, leaps over Donatello’s head, and runs. Donatello chases him. Michelangelo catches onto a hole in the ceiling of the tunnel and one handed swings through into the tunnel above. He turns and looks back, but sees no Donatello. Arming his weapon, he walks back towards the hole. Suddenly Donatello bursts through and Michelangelo screams and runs.]'' :'''Mikey''': Oh, Humna, humna, humna, humna, humna, humna, humna, humna! WHOA! :''[mutant Donatello keeps swinging his fists to Michelangelo, who keeps dodging them by swinging back and forward]'' :'''Mikey''': Now I know how a piñata feels! ''[dodge another fist swing]'' AND I DON'T LIKE IT! Whoa, Don! Come on, quit it! ''[Raph and Leo arrive.]'' A little help here, guys? :'''Raphael''': Whoa, mama! Don’s been taking his vitamins. ''[Donatello punches Michelangelo and flings him down at the feet of his brothers.]'' I’m really sorry about this, Donny! :''[He jumps down in front of Donatello and swings at him with his capture claw weapon.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Remember, this is Don. Do not hurt him! :''[Raphael hops around as Donatello tries to slash him.]'' :'''Raphael''': That’s not gonna be a problem, Leo! :''Donatello straightens and roars. Leonardo kicks his carapace and when Donatello turns, Raphael kicks him. Donatello falls forward onto his hands and knees.'' :'''Leonardo''': Leatherhead, you’re on. :''[Leatherhead leaps out of hiding and runs towards Donatello, who has risen to his feet. Leatherhead plows into him, grabs and lifts him off his feet. Donatello tries to snap at him. Leatherhead shoves him into the containment unit and Michelangelo and Leonardo slam the door shut. Donatello pounds on the glass as his brothers and Leatherhead look on.]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Splinter''': ''[sadly]'' My son. :'''Leatherhead''': I can sympathize. I know what it’s like to be a monster. :'''Raphael''': ''[places his hand on Splinter’s shoulder.]'' Poor Donny. :'''Michelangelo''': What are we gonna do, Leo? :'''Leonardo''': Do? This is Donatello. This is our brother. ''[He flattens a palm on the glass.]'' We’re going to hunt down a cure for him, no matter what it takes. No matter what it takes. ===Good Genes=== ====Part 1 [2.24]==== :'''[[w:Leatherhead (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Leatherhead]]''': ''(Narrating)'' As we fly through the night, I can't help but ponder: intelligence, reason, even simple thought. Most people take these things for granted. I do not. For I know what it's like to be an advanced mind, trapped in the body of a brute... of a monster. But for once, I am not the monster in question. My friend Donatello is one of the gentlest souls I've ever met, with one of the finest minds I've ever known. But now, thanks to the evil agent Bishop, my friend has been transformed into a thoughtless savage. And I fear that the Donatello I know may truly be lost forever. <hr width=50%/> :'''Karai''': Mystics, your master has need of you! :''[Laughter echoes all around her.]'' :'''Water Mystic''': ''[voice-over]'' Our master is the Shredder. Not you, little girl! :''[The Earth Mystic materializes atop of podium.]'' :'''Earth Mystic''': You are nothing but a pretender! like the Utrom abomination before you! :''[The other Mystics appear atop their perches.]'' :'''Karai''': You forget your place, Mystics! You serve me now. I hold the same power over you as my father did! All your talk of ancient power. You live in the past. I am the future and you will obey me. Find the turtle Leonardo! ''He'' must pay for his crimes ''against'' my father! Do you hear me?! ''[turns and walks away.]'' ''Find him!'' ''[exits the room. As the door closes behind her, the Mystics speaks again.]'' :'''Earth Mystic''': Perhaps ''he'' will find you! <hr width=50%/> :'''Leo''': Once we have Bishop, We'll convince him to help Don. :'''Raph''': Leatherhead and I can handle that part of the plan, we can be very convincing. ''[punches hand]'' :'''Michelangelo''': It's Area 51, they probably have a UFO watching us from SPACE! <hr width=50%/> :'''Stockman''': Now open that hunk a' junk. ====Part 2 [2.25]==== :'''Leo''': ''(Narrating)'' A wise man once said: I've got a bad feeling about this. And right now, I know how he feels. Believe it or not, that's my brother Donatello. And right now, he's sick. Really sick. He was scratched by one of Bishop's outbreak mutants, and now he has become a savage, mindless monster. Had it been any of us, we would have looked at Don to save the day. But even with Leatherhead's help, we're no closer to finding a cure. With no other options, we tracked down the one man who might have a cure: the man responsible for the outbreak in the first place: Agent Bishop. Bishop agreed to cure Don, but for a price. Infiltrating Foot central? It's an impossible mission. But what can we do? Our brother is sick. And there's nothing we won't do to save him. Even if it means... making a deal with the devil. <hr width=50%/> :'''Agent Bishop''': Comm systems on, secure channel :'''The Entity''': Ah, Agent Bishop, we are transmitting coordinates to you even as we speak :'''Bishop''': And in return? :'''Entity''': We will let you know, will you be retrieving the artifact yourself? :'''Bishop''': Of cause not, i'll sending in special agents. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leatherhead''': Donatello's condition continues to deteriorate, there's not much time. :'''Master Splinter''': Doctor Stockman, Agent Bisharp told us you have administer the cure to Donatello. :'''Baxter Stockman''': To think I sunk so low that unparalleled genius would be used save the life of these freaks, unfathomable. :'''Leatherhead''': Where is the cure Stockman? :'''Stockman''': I am pulled sweet oblivion for what? this? :'''Leatherhead''': Show us the cure NOW! :'''Stockman''': CURE? you stupid animal, Agent Bishop lied there is no cure. :'''Splinter''': WHAT?! :''[Leatherhead growls and his eyes turn green on Stockman]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Leo''': April come in :'''April''': Go leo :'''Leo''': we've made it to the Foots garbage disposal facility, time for you & Casey to do your thing :'''April''': Casey's heading in to the power station now, stand by :'''Casey''': Hey if we gonna put a computer virus in here to shut down the power, how come you're not going in? :'''April''': Because I don't look like a janitor :'''Casey''': Gee thanks :'''Leo''': Keep us posted April, we're moving into position :'''April''': Roger that :'''Leo''': Well here the fun starts :'''April''': All the buildings garbage go through shoots that led to an incinerator :'''Michelangelo''': We're going in through the furnace, isn't that gonna be hot???? :'''Leo''': It's our only way and that's not all,once through the incinerators we go up a shoots. :'''April''': Which Karai has secured with a deadly grid of lazers :'''Leo''': When the power drops we go up the vent, we gotta beat the emergency-power kicking in :'''Mikey''': Ah, Leo why is the grid still on? :'''Leo''': Casey, April, cut that power or we're turtles flambe. :'''Casey''': I've put in the stupid virus but it ain't working! :'''Leo''': Casey we really need that power out NOW :'''Casey''': Alright, you stupid computers, we're doing this old school, ''[picks up a computer]'' GOONGALA!!! ''[throws computer]'', Woo hoo :'''Leo''': Grids' down <hr width=50%/> :'''Karai''': Find out what's going on . . . Leonardo is here, but why?, why would he come here? <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': Good work Casey we're in, April go the phase 3: get to the copter :'''April O'Neil''': On it :'''Leo''': remember we get what we need and get out, Ralph you know what you have to do, Mikey you're with me, let's go <hr width=50%/> :'''Metal Mystic''': Everything goes as planned my brothers. :'''Earth Mystic''': Soon we all be free! <hr width=50%/> :''[About the mystic Heart of Tengu]'' :'''Karai''': No!! Give that to me!! You do not know what you are doing!! <hr width=50%/> :'''Karai''': You cannot take that! :'''Leonardo''': Watch me!! <hr width=50%/> :'''Karai''': No! ''[runs towards them.]'' Leonardo, face me!! :''[Leonardo turns and draws a sword, but Michelangelo catches him by the arm.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Get in, Get out, right? It's not about Karai, right? :'''Leo''': ''[sheathes his katana.]'' Right. :''[They climb onto the rubble piled in front of the hole in the wall.]'' :'''Karai''': Stop them! Someone stop them!! :''[All three turtles jump. Karai and her Foot Elite reach the opening, but can only watch as the turtles climb up a ladder dangling from the helicopter.]'' :'''Karai''': No! No! ''[drops to her knees.]'' No-o! ''[echoes]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Don''': ''[Emerges from a cloud of mist, cured]'' Hey guys, what's up? ''[collapses into Leatherhead's arms]'' :'''Leatherhead''': I have you, my friend. :'''Michelangelo, Raphael and Leonardo''': All right! Donny! Welcome back! It’s so good to see you again! <hr width=50%/> :'''Master Splinter''': Welcome back, my son. :'''Don''': I hope you guys didn't go through too much trouble for me. (Did you?) :''[Everyone is silent]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Nah. ==Ninja Tribunal== * This is the Season 4 finale. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' You know, if there's one thing I've learned being a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, is to always expect the unexpected. But with all of our training, and all of our hard work, I'd like to think that we're ready for anything. But sometimes, the unexpected is just a little too... unexpected. <hr width=50%/> :'''Raphael''': Yeah, no offense Donnie, but you weren't too much fun when you were... sick. :'''Michelangelo''': Fun?! He was a monster. An absolutely, horrible, drooling big nasty-fanged monster! You tried to eat my leg! <hr width=50%/> :'''Michelangelo''': Are we sure that Donnie's all better? See the full moon, Donnie? Do you feel the monster inside? The monster taking control?! 'MWAHAHAHA!!!! :'''Donatello''': Oh no. I'm- I'm changing! '''RAAAAGGGHH!''' :'''Mikey''': AAAAHHH! HELP ME! HELP ME! HE'S TRYING TO EAT MY LEG AGAIN! AAAAAHHHHH! <hr width=50%/> :''[After the enemy ninjas demonstrated their weapon sticks to the Turtles.]'' :'''Raphael''': Now maybe it's just me, but I think these guys plan to stick it to us. <hr width=50%/> :'''Juto-Shisho''': Bow when you enter this sanctuary. :'''Chikara-Shisho''': We require warriors to combatant, and as pathetic as you are, you eight are our best hope. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': You expect us to fight each other? :'''Raphael''': Forget it, bucketheads. :'''Kon-Shisho''': You WILL fight, or you will be destroyed. <hr width=50%/> :''[Back to New York City, the rooftop from which the turtles were kidnapped. Splinter and the Ancient One are searching the rooftop. The Ancient One finds the slashed mask left by the wooden warrior that Leonardo had fought.]'' :'''Ancient One''': The Mokusai no Bushi were here. ''[He studies gashes in the rooftop and then points to another area.]'' And here, signs of a struggle. :'''Splinter''': The Ninja Tribunal has taken my sons! Ancient One, you must take me to the tribunal. :'''Ancient One''': You know that what you ask is simply not permitted. :'''Splinter''': Permitted or not, I will protect my sons! == Characters == === Main === * [[w:Leonardo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Leonardo]] (or Leo) - voiced by [[w:Michael Sinterniklaas|Michael Sinterniklaas]] * [[w:Donatello (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Donatello]] (or Donnie) - voiced by [[w:Sam Riegel|Sam Riegel]] * [[w:Raphael (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Raphael]] (or Raph) - voiced by [[w:Greg Abbey|Frank Frankson]] * [[w:Michelangelo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Michelangelo]] (or Mikey) - voiced by [[w:Wayne Grayson|Wayne Grayson]] === Recurring === * [[w:Splinter (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Splinter]] - voiced by [[Darren Dunstan]] * [[w:April O'Neil|April O'Neil]] - voiced by [[w:Veronica Taylor|Veronica Taylor]] * [[w:Casey Jones (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Arnold Casey Jones Jr.]] - voiced by [[w:Marc Thompson (voice actor)|Marc Thompson]] === Antagonists === * [[w:Karai (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles|Karai]] – voiced by Karen Neill * Agent John Bishop – voiced by [[w:David Zen Mansley|David Zen Mansley]] * [[w:Baxter Stockman|Baxter Stockman]] – voiced by Scott Williams * Savanti Romero – voiced by [[w:David Zen Mansley|David Zen Mansley]] * [[w:Hun (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Hun]] – voiced by [[w:Greg Carey (voice actor)|Greg Carey]] * Rat King – voiced by [[w:David Zen Mansley|David Zen Mansley]] === Supporting === * [[w:Leatherhead (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Leatherhead]] - voiced by [[w:Greg Carey (voice actor)|Gary K. Lewis]] * The Ancient One - voiced by David Chen * [[w:Miyamoto Usagi|Miyamoto Usagi]] - voiced by [[w:Jason Griffith|Jason Griffith]] * [[w:Murakami Gennosuke|Murakami Gennosuke]] – voiced by [[Eric Stuart]] * Jhanna - voiced by [[w:Lisa Ortiz|Lisa Ortiz]] * Raptarr - voiced by Marc Diraison * Renet - voiced by Liza Jacqueline * Professor August O'Neil - voiced by [[w:Marc Thompson (voice actor)|Marc Thompson]] * Robyn O'Neil * * * * * Mortu - voiced by [[w:Dan Green (voice actor)|Dan Green]] * The Ultimate Daimyo - voiced by [[w:Marc Thompson (voice actor)|Marc Thompson]] * Gyoji - voiced by [[w:Oliver Wyman (actor)|Oliver Wyman]] * Nobody - voiced by [[w:Sean Schemmel|Sean Schemmel]] === Minor === * [[w:Hamato Yoshi|Hamato Yoshi]] – voiced by [[Eric Stuart]] * [[w:Shredder (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Ch'rell/Oroku Saki/Shredder]] - voiced by [[w:Scott Rayow|Scottie Ray]] * Angel - voiced by [[w:Tara Sands|Tara Jayne]] * Arnold Casey Jones Sr. * Baxter Stockman's mother * [[w:Tang Shen|Tang Shen]] * Yukio Mashimi * * * * * ==External links== {{wikipedia|Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003 TV series, season 4)}} {{Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles}} [[Category:Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003 TV series) seasons|4]] [[Category:Children's television seasons]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about turtles]] [[Category:American animated television seasons]] gkoal1texvtvq8li0k6qhh0cf9q9114 3778849 3778843 2025-07-14T20:24:54Z 2001:8003:DD49:F700:7CE2:F3C:CD2C:140C /* Dragons Rising */ 3778849 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''Seasons''': [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 1)|1]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 2)|2]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 3)|3]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 4)|4]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 5): Ninja Tribunal|5: Ninja Tribunal]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Fast Forward|6: Fast Forward]] / [[TMNT: Back to the Sewer|7: Back to the Sewer]] | '''Film''': [[Turtles Forever]] | [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003 TV series)|Main]] ---------------- The following is a list of quotes from the fourth season of the 2003 series '''''[[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003 TV series)|Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles]]'''''. ==Cousin Sid== * This is the Season 4 premiere. This marks the debut appearance of Casey Jones's cousin Sid. <hr width=50%/> :'''[[w:Splinter (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Master Splinter]]''': ''(Narrating)'' Life moves as the wheel of destiny turns, day to night, night to day. [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 3)|Our fight with the Shredder nearly cost us our lives.]] We are broken, battered, but alive. Our bodies will heal but I wonder: Do my sons carry other wounds not so easily overcome? I know with a great heaviness that there will always be some new threat to challenge us. I only pray my sons will be prepared to face it... <hr width=50%/> :''[The episode opens with a view of the Jones’ family farmhouse at night. Cut to the interior. The front door opens, and April enters with Master Splinter. He is injured and she is supporting him.]'' :'''April O'Neil''': Just a little bit further, Master Splinter. :''[Donatello and Michelangelo enter next. Donatello’s arm is in a sling and Michelangelo is on crutches with casts on his legs.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Finally. Now, someone give me a fork or something. You have no idea how bad my legs itch. :'''Donatello''': Yeah, we do, Mikey. We heard about it the whole trip. :''[Last to enter are Casey Jones, Raphael, and Leonardo. Casey and Leonardo are supporting Raphael. The two turtles have bandages wrapped around their bodies. April helps Splinter onto a chair.]'' :'''Splinter''': Thank you, April. I am not as young as I once was. Wound's take longer to heal. :'''Michelangelo''': I'm still as young as I once was, and I don't feel like I'm ever going to heal! :''[Casey and Leonardo helps Raphael to lie down on the couch.]'' :'''Raphael''': Too bad you didn't break your jaw. Maybe we’d finally get a little peace and quiet around here. ''[bones cracking]'' Ow. :'''Michelangelo''': ''[sits in a chair next to Splinter’s and props his legs up.]'' Ahh! That's... better? ''[sniffs]'' Ew! What's that smell?! It smells like burnt – ''[He glances over at his father.]'' Oh, right. Sorry, Sensei. :'''April''':All right. Who's hungry? :'''Donatello''': Me! :'''Michelangelo''': I am! :'''Donatello''': I am! :'''Casey Jones''': Over here! :''[Leonardo is standing at the window, staring into the yard.]'' :'''April''': Leo? :'''Splinter''': Leonardo? :'''Leonardo''': I'm fine. <hr width=50%/> :'''April''': ''[grabs the fork from Michelangelo]'' No scratching. <hr width=50%/> : '''Raphael''': Hey, I like it when Leo acts tough. We should get Karai to stab him more often. :''(Leo angrily glares)'' :'''Mikey''': Easy Leo. Leave Raph to me. Raph needs a hiding place. Don't you, Raphie boy? And I got just the spot. :'''Raph''': Hiding spot? ''[Leonardo and Donatello carry him to a closet.]'' Don't even... No way am I missing this action. ==The People's Choice== :'''[[w:Michelangelo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Michelangelo]]''': ''(Narrating)'' Who would have guessed that getting back to nature with my bro's would turn into a sci-fi marathon? There's nothing cooler than slimy, slippery space-creatures, giant alien blobs, cosmic rock creatures with a bad attitude, or intergalactic catfight! And here I thought our camping trip was going to be boring. Silly me! <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> ==Sons of the Silent Age== :'''[[w:April O'Neil|April O'Neil]]''': ''(Narrating)'' I love nature. Its beauty, its balance and perfection. Nature reminds me of what I learned in school about the scientist Charles Darwin. Darwin believed in the survival of the fittest. He explained how life on Earth could be defined simply as the struggle for existence. But, it seems to me that the struggle for existence is never very simple. <hr width=50%/> :'''April''': Are you okay, Leo? I know something’s been bothering you. :'''Leonardo''': Yeah, I... I don’t know. Well, I guess I do. It’s... I just can’t stop thinking about the last time we faced off against the Shredder. ''[clenches his fist.]'' That the only way that we could’ve defeated him was by blowing ourselves up. I couldn’t protect my brothers, my master. ''[punches a fist into the palm of his other hand.]'' I feel like such a complete failure, and no matter how I try to rationalize it, justify it, it always comes down to the fact that I wasn’t good enough. <hr width=50%/> :'''Raphael''': Then the first thing we have ta' do is sneak in there. :'''Michelangelo''': Right, and like the Three Musketeers used to say, "One for all and all for ninja mode." Course, I'm paraphrasing. ''[smack]'' Owww! :'''Raph''': What is wrong with you? :'''Mikey''': What? ==Dragon's Brew== * This is the only episodes in the series to not feature Raph (despite being mentioned), Mikey, and Donnie. <hr width=50%/> :'''Hun''': ''(Narrating)'' This is the dawning of a new age. I have seen the past and I have touched the future. I have learned from my late great master that preparation is everything and I am prepared. Our destiny will soon be at hand. Nothing can stop us now. Nothing. <hr width=50%/> :'''Casey''': Ha~ah! :'''Hun''': Jones! Uh! :'''Casey''': ''[elbows him in the gut and then sweeps his feet from under him with a hockey stick.]'' You and me, we got unfinished business! :'''Hun''': Bring it on. ''[Leonardo hops onto a box behind him.]'' Thought you turtles were destroyed. :'''Leonardo''': There’s a lot of that going around. :'''Casey''': He’s mine, Leo! :'''Leonardo''': I’ll just soften him up a little for you. <hr width=50%/> :'''Boy''': Mommy, I was dreaming about Daddy. It was horrible! :'''Mother''': It’s okay, Sweetie. Daddy is in a better place, remember? ==I, Monster== * This marks the debut appearance of Rat King. <hr width=50%/> :'''Rat King''': ''(Narrating)'' I awoke in the mud and the slime of a filthy river. I don't know where I am or even who I am. I'm haunted by glimpses... momentary fragments of a life I think I had. But what life do I have now? What am I, but a monster? And now all will fear me... because everything fears the monster. <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> ==Grudge Match== :'''[[w:Raphael (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Raphael]]''': ''(Narrating)'' It may look like just another day in the Battle Nexus, with the crowds and the cheering, but trust me, this day was gonna be special. I was looking forward to somebody finally shutting Mikey up about being Battle Nexus Champion. But it was starting to look like they were gonna shut Mikey up permanently. <hr width=50%/> :'''Master Splinter''': Yes. Pizza sounds very appetizing right now, with pepperoni and ''karma''. ==A Wing and a Prayer== * This marks the debut appearance of Raptarr. <hr width=50%/> :'''Raptarr''': ''(Narrating)'' Long have I watched over the world of man, and have I've been sickened by the ruthless acts of a soulless few. But through it all, I have learned more of who I am. Some call me "Hunter". Some call me "Protector". Whatever I am called, I have vowed to be this world's guardian angel. <hr width=50%/> ==Bad Day== :'''[[w:Donatello (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Donatello]]''': ''(Narrating)'' OK, pop quiz: If a dozen of Agent Bishop's deadly commandos are chasing you at ninety miles an hour from points A, B, and C, what are the odds you're gonna survive the next five minutes? <hr width=50%/> :'''Master Splinter''': Perhaps, but I am not speaking to you. I wait for my true foes to reveal themselves. You cannot touch me! :'''Foot Mystic''': This one is more powerful than we imagined. <hr width=50%/> :'''Karai''': Fools! Another failure!? :'''Fire Mystic''': Our encounter has given information that will be useful to us. But we did not expect our forces to be breached. :'''Karai''': And you recklessly revealed your presence to the rodent! :'''Water Mystic''': We assure you, we have gained enough knowledge for our next assault. :'''Karai''': Then make it so! Otherwise, when I attack, I assure you it will be no illusion!! ==Aliens Among Us== :'''Agent Bishop''': ''(Narrating)'' For more years than I can remember I have stood watch. Preparing for a day I've long known was inevitable. The alien threat is real. And the world has suffered at the hand of these invaders. The world must be prepared it must always be vigilant. And I will make sure it is, no matter what the cost. ==Dragons Rising== * This marks the only appearance of Arnold Casey Jones Sr., the late father of [[w:Casey Jones (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Casey Jones]] in flashbacks <hr width=50%/> :'''[[w:Casey Jones (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Casey Jones]]''': ''(Narrating)'' You know, it's taken me quite a while, but I've really come a long way. I finally got my temper under control. However, there are still a few certain things that can really make my blood boil. Hun is one of them certain things. ''[Flashback to younger Hun and Casey]'' Me and him, we go way back. See, when I was a kid, a gang of street punks was shaking my old man down for protection money. It was Hun and the Purple Dragons. When my old man wouldn't pay him, they torched our store. :'''Hun''': ''[grabs young Casey]'' You tell your old man punk, Next time pay up or else. ''[drops young Casey and walks off with the Purple dragons gang as young Casey watches sadly flashbacks end]'' :'''Casey Jones''': ''(Narrating)'' Yeah, me and him, we still got a score to settle. No matter how I try to plan out this problem, the two of us are headed for a bad, bad, showdown. :''[Casey and Hun grapple with each other atop a truck moving at high speed.]'' :'''Casey Jones''': ''(Narrating)'' Who knows? Maybe I haven't come as far as I thought. <hr width=50%/> :'''Mrs. Jones''': Arnold, please. Is too dangerous. :'''Young Casey''': Please, Pops, don’t go. :'''Arnold Jones Sr.''': ''[squats down and places a hand on his son's shoulder.]'' I gotta, kiddo. I put everything we had into that store. I can’t just let them get away with this. I’m going to the police. :'''Young Casey''': But they said no cops. They said if you— :'''Arnold Jones Sr.''': Casey, sometimes you just gotta stand up for what’s right, even if the odds are against you. Even if you’re all alone. You gotta just stand up and do the right thing. <hr width=50%/> :''[Casey, Raphael, Michelangelo and Donatello are inside the Battle Shell and Leonardo stands behind the vehicle outside and crossed his arms]'' :'''Raphael''': Come on, Leo, get in. :'''Michelangelo''': Let’s go home, bro. ''[Leonardo doesn’t move]'' :'''Raph''': '''Now what!?''' ''[groans]'' :'''Leonardo''': ''[angrily]'' We ''didn't'' finish the job. We blew it. Again! '''We blew it!''' :'''Donatello''': We ''did'' the best we could. At least we stopped half the convoy. :'''Leo''': ''[angrily]'' '''Half'''. We stopped '''half'''. And only because we got lucky. ''[and looks at his brothers and Casey]'' Is that good enough for you? Is it!? We're always one step behind. We ''act'' like a bunch of '''amateurs'''! How many more times are we gonna get beaten before you guys '''wise up and realize''' <big><big>'''this isn't a game!?'''</big></big> ''[turns around and storms off alone]'' :'''Raph''': ''[stands up and flips the switch to close the back doors]'' I hate to admit it, but he ''ain't'' wrong. : ''[Donatello starts the Battle Shell and drives away, Casey walks up next to him]'' :'''Casey''': Hey, Donny, drive by the cemetery, will ya’? I got an important stop I need to make. <hr width=50%/> :''[Morning came as Donatello, Raphael and Michelangelo wait outside at the Battle Shell as Casey enters the cemetery, he walks up to his father’s grave]'' :'''Casey''': Hey, Pops, I brought ya’ something. ''[kneels and places the torn piece of jacket from Hun on the grave, the marker reads “Arnold Casey Jones Sr. Beloved Husband, Father and Friend.”]'' You spoke true, Pop. No matter what, you gotta stand up and do the right thing. But I guess I’m lucky. Even when the odds are against me, I ain’t alone. ''[stands up]'' I got friends. Good friends. :''[The three turtles stand together and watching him as the morning sun rises]'' ==Still Nobody== :'''Nobody''': ''(Narrating)'' Watching over the city, I have learned the sad truth that violence begins violence. They say nobody can break the cycle. That nobody cares. Nobody can do anything about it. Nobody tries to change things and they're right. Because I'm still Nobody and I do care. I will try to change things. I will make a difference. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': Don't stop. Mikey, you left your shell cell on. :'''Michelangelo''': I'm sorry mister 'I'm going to pump you up' Leonardo, but I didn’t know we'd be doing a pull-up marathon. ''[Donatello pops him on the back of the head.]'' Ow! :'''Raphael''': Whoa, Don. Don't smack Mikey. ''[He pops Michelangelo.]'' That's my job. :'''Michelangelo''': Hey! Do I look like a piñata? :'''Donatello''': ''[to Michelangelo]'' Just answer your phone. :'''Michelangelo''': Talk to the turtle. ''[They all continue the pull-ups.]'' Hey, long time no hear. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. No problem. We'll be there. :'''Raphael''': ''[to Michelangelo]'' Who was it? :'''Michelangelo''': Nobody. <hr width=50%/> :'''Fang''': Yes, Master Hun? :'''Hun''': Scratch Jencko and his Turks off of our list of possible recruits, and see if you can retrieve any of the hardware we sold that punk. ''[The limo arrives in front of the “Oroku Saki Memorial Library”.]'' Seems a shame to waste it. :''[Hun steps out of the limo.]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[Inside, people are milling about, talking to one another. Karai steps up to the podium in front of a large, draped object. Reporters begin taking pictures as the crowd quiets down.]'' :'''Karai''': Thank you all for coming to this dedication of the new Oroku Saki Memorial Library. One final gift from my late father to the city that he loved. ''[The drape is pulled off of a huge statue of Oroku Saki. Everyone applauds.]'' It is a great honor to dedicate my life to carrying on my father’s humanitarian efforts, even though he is gone, taken from us too soon. <hr width=50%/> :'''Hun''': ''(sarcastic)'' Lovely party, Karai. :'''Karai''': Hun. I did not expect to see you at this dedication. :'''Hun''': ''[stands up]'' Explain something to me, Karai! You do all this in the name of the Shredder. ''He'' was a alien slug! How could you have known that and still serve him?! :'''Karai''': The Shredder gave me a life. He was my father, and I vow in his name, and I will hunt down those who destroyed him and make them pay with their lives! ==All Hallows Thieves== :'''Raphael''': ''(Narrating)'' Halloween in New York City. One of my favorite times of the year. A day where no matter how odd, how freaky, or scary you might be, you fit in with everyone else. A day when girls and boys all over the city dress as their favorite monsters and heroes and get free candy. A day when even a teenage mutant ninja turtle can walk around in the open. Of course, some Halloweens are filled with more tricks than treats. Maybe this year, we should've stayed home and rented scary movies. ==Samurai Tourist== :'''Miyamoto Usagi''': ''(Narrating)'' The paths we walk in life are different for each of us. Some walk the land without a care in the world while some choose to take on burdens that would crush the spirits of most. The land cares little of which path you choose. But its inhabitants are another matter entirely. Clearly, this is not our land. Gennosuke and I came to visit old friends, but I fear now that our presence has done more harm than good. <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> :'''Splinter''': Thank you, Miyamoto Usagi. When I asked you to come, I hoped you could reach him, but I fear my son is now traveling down a difficult path. A path it seems he must travel alone. :'''Usagi''': I wish you good luck, Master Splinter. Farewell, my friends. ''[pushes Kojima into the portal.]'' :'''Gennosuke''': So long boys! ''[chuckling]'' :''[Gennosuke follows Usagi into the portal. Suddenly...]'' :'''Michelangelo''': ''[scream, appears on the upper landing.]'' Stop him! Don’t let him go! :'''Donatello''': Mikey? ''[The portal vanishes.]'' :'''Raphael''': What now, shell for brains? :'''Michelangelo''': My Silver Sentry comics. Gen, he-- he took ‘em. All of ‘em. '''No!''' ==The Ancient One== * This marks the debut appearance of the Ancient One. <hr width=50%/> :'''[[w:Leonardo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Leonardo]]''': ''(Narrating)'' I've traveled thousands of miles looking for an answer, only to wind up here, halfway across the world in the middle of nowhere, battling it out with four nasty creatures, more ghosts than man, but who's steel is all too real. Meanwhile, my traveling companion, some gross slob who attached himself to me like a bloated tick, doesn't do a thing to help out. He just sits there, grinning like a fool, leaving me to fight for both our lives. I've journeyed all across the world in search for answers, and instead, all I'm gonna get is my head chopped off. <hr width=50%/> :''[The episode begins inside the turtles’ lair, as Leonardo and Splinter spar.]'' :'''Leonardo''': I already told you, I’m fine. :'''Master Splinter''': You are sure?! :''[Michelangelo lowers his comic book and grimaces.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Nothing’s the matter, Sensei. Why do you keep asking me that?! :'''Master Splinter''': So much anger. The unopened bottle will burst when its internal pressure becomes too much to bear. ''[Donatello spots Raphael at the weight bench.]'' For months now you have been brooding, surly, and stubborn. :''[Donatello appears worried.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Yeah, right. :''[Donatello and Raphael glance at one another. Shift to Splinter and Leonardo, who are sparring with swords.]'' :'''Master Splinter''': You have not been yourself. You must release what festers within you. Your family will help you, Leonardo. It is important that we be open with one another. :''[Leonardo attacks and manages to disarm Splinter. He then angrily confronts his father.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Open?! Okay, this Katana lesson stinks! I've mastered this years ago! '''YEARS AGO'''!! :'''Master Splinter''': ''[stares at him and then retrieves the sword.]'' It is not the students choice to say when a lesson is learned. ''[He attacks.]'' The student’s place is to listen and learn. :''[The sparring grows fierce and the other turtles gather to watch.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Something tells me the cork’s about to pop on that unopened bottle. :'''Raphael''': That hothead. ''[Donatello and Michelangelo look at him]'' I hate it when Leo reminds me of me. :'''Leonardo''': I've already mastered this lesson! ''[shoves Splinter.]'' And yesterday's lesson! And the lesson before that! '''WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO TEACH ME''' ''[disarms Splinter.]'' '''SOMETHING I DON'T ALREADY KNOW?!!!''' ''[slashes at Splinter and slices his head. The other turtles run to their father as he drops to one knee and grabs his head.]'' :'''Donatello''': Master Splinter! :'''Michelangelo''': Are you okay? ''[Leonardo drops his sword.]'' :'''Raphael''': Leo! What the shell is your problem!? :'''Leonardo''': ''[shoves past Raphael]'' Master! ''[and Donatello]'' Master, I’m so sorry. I-I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just… I just lost control. ''[He hangs his head.]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[Later, Master Splinter kneels in his room, which is candle lit. There is a bandage on his head. Leonardo stands in the doorway.]'' :'''Splinter''': Sit down, my son. :''[Leonardo enters, slides the door shut, and kneels before his father.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Master, I-I don’t know what to say. :'''Splinter''': Say nothing, listen. We were all badly wounded in our final confrontation with the Shredder. Your brothers and I have healed, but you have not. I have meditated long and hard on this matter, and now realize that you are correct. :'''Leonardo''': Huh? :'''Splinter''': It is time for you to move on. It is time for you to study with a new sensei. :'''Leonardo''': But-but, Master, I don’t want a new sensei. I’m happy here with you. ''[Donatello, Michelangelo and Raphael are listening at the door.]'' I know there’s so much more that you can teach me. :'''Splinter''': No, my son. It is as it must be. ''[Both stand and Splinter goes to the shelves on his back wall.]'' Now, there is but one master in all the world that I would entrust my son’s well-being to. He is wise, honorable, and highly skilled. He is called the Ancient One, ''[He looks at a picture of Hamato Yoshi.]'' and he was the sensei to my sensei, Hamato Yoshi. You must make a pilgrimage, a pilgrimage halfway across the world. :'''Leonardo''': But, Sensei… :'''Splinter''': Come, let us prepare you for your journey. <hr width=50%/> :''[He pushes Leonardo back and swings at him. As Leonardo fights, he has a flashback to Donatello, aboard Shredder’s starship during [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 3)|Exodus part 2]], as the engine starts to overload.]'' :'''Donatello''': Help me! I’m hurt! ''[echoes]'' :'''Michelangelo''': We’re not gonna make it! Leo, help me! ''[echoes]'' :'''Raphael''': Leo, the Shredder’s coming for us! You gotta do something! ''[echoes]'' :'''Splinter''': Save us, Leonardo! We are all counting on you, my son. ''[echoes]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Ancient One''': If there was nothing more you could have done, why do you punish yourself so? :'''Leonardo''': I finally understand. ''[He turns and walks back to the short man and then drops to one knee.]'' Ancient One. I am honored. :'''Ancient One''': Took you long enough, Leonardo. <hr width=50%/> :'''Ancient One''': Now, Leonardo, tell an old man just what it is you think you have learned. ''[hands a bowl to Leonardo.]'' :'''Leonardo''': I guess I’ve been… I’ve been obsessed with failing. I hardened my heart like a rock; wrapped up inside my own shell. Trying to be perfect; thinking I wasn’t good enough, that I needed to be better. So angry… so…. ''[The Ancient One raps him on the head with a bamboo stick.]'' Ow! What? :'''Ancient One''': Too many words. Explain simply. :'''Leonardo''': I’ve been my own worst enemy. :'''Ancient One''': Much better. Now, relax and enjoy your tea, and let me tell you a tale of Master Yoshi. Yoshi found himself at a crossroads, not dissimilar to your own. ==Scion of the Shredder== * [[w:Karai (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Karai]] assumes the legacy of her adopted Utrom father and becomes the new Shredder and the Ninja Turtles' sworn enemy, especially toward Leo. <hr width=50%/> :'''Donatello''': ''(Narrating)'' I've been worried a lot lately. For starters, I'm worried about the Foot. They're back... and they're tougher than ever. And... I'm worried about my brother, Leonardo. He's on a quest to parts unknown, and I'm worried he's not gonna find what he's been looking for. But mostly... I'm worried that Leo won't find us alive when he gets back. Master Splinter tells me that I worry too much. Okay, you tell me. Should I be worried? <hr width=50%/> :''[The episode opens inside the turtles’ lair. Raphael is working out on his punching bag. Donatello is strapped into a harness, suspended over the Shell Sub where he is doing some welding. Michelangelo is seated on the couch with Klunk next to him. He is stacking playing cards while Master Splinter looks on.]'' :'''Splinter''': That is an impressive edifice, Michelangelo. Dare I ask how many hours you have spent building it? :'''Michelangelo''': Good question, Sensei. Hey, Raph, what time is it? :'''Raphael''': Like I wear a watch? How should I know? Hey, Donny, what time is it? :'''Donatello''': Beats me. Ask Leo. ''[He cuts off the welding torch and his brothers stop what they are doing. Splinter lowers his head with a sigh.]'' Sorry. Leo’s been gone more than two months and I still forget he’s not here. :'''Raphael''': Master Splinter, when’s that bum coming back anyway? :''[Donatello and Raphael walk over to join the others.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': And is Leo coming back normal, or like, more normal? ‘Cause before he left he was acting kinda, you know... ''[He twirls a finger next to his temple and Raphael slaps the back of his head.]'' Ow! Hey! :'''Splinter''': I do not know, my sons. Leonardo is on a pilgrimage to find the Ancient One, and to find answers. Such things are beyond time. :'''Donatello''': Well, I miss having him around. :'''Splinter''': As do we all. We must have faith that he will return when he is ready. <hr width=50%/> :'''Ancient One''': Leonardo, your family is in grave danger. :'''Leonardo''': What?! ''[jumps up and leaps over to join the Ancient One, who nods at him.]'' I understand, Sensei. <hr width=50%/> :'''Michelangelo''': Um, what is that? :''[The turtles pull their weapons. Klunk curls around Michelangelo’s ankle.]'' :'''Raphael''': Whatever it is, it’s coming through the front door! :''[The banging continues and the heavily fortified lair entrance bulges. The lair shakes and stones fall. The door shifts to one side and a brace rips loose, then the door falls. Splinter and the turtles rush towards the ramp and watch as two huge Foot mechs, called Shrednauts, crash through the wall and enter the lair. The Shrednauts pause and Foot ninja run into the lair.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': What the...? The Foot! :'''Donatello''': But how? How did ''they'' find us? :'''Raphael''': Don’t matter how they found us, they found us. Now let’s kick the shell out of ‘em! ''[He rushes to meet some advancing ninja.]'' '''Get... out... of... my house!!''' <hr width=50%/> :'''Raphael''': Oh, shell! :'''Donatello''': No way! It can’t be him! :'''Michelangelo''': Master Splinter, any chance this is just another mystical attack? :'''Splinter''': No, my son, this is real. All too real. :'''Donnie''': The Shredder! But, the Utroms sentenced him to exile. :'''Raph''': Yeah? Well, it didn’t take. :''[The dust around the Shredder swirls and then the four Foot Elite appear.]'' :'''Karai''': Oroku Saki is gone, thanks to you, but the Shredder lives on! ''[She removes her helmet to reveal herself.]'' :'''Donnie''': Karai! :'''Splinter''': So the daughter of Oroku Saki has become the Shredder. Why? :'''Karai''': Honor demands it, Splinter-san. After you helped the vile Utroms exile my father, I vowed to avenge his honor! :'''Splinter''': You dare speak of honor!? Your father murdered my Master Yoshi! Your father had no honor! :'''Karai''': You will pay for your lie! ''All of you!!'' Where is Leonardo?! :'''Raph''': He ain't here. :'''Mikey''': You know, you just missed him, but if you leave right now, we'll tell him that you stopped by. :'''Karai''': You mock me. The fact that you still live mocks me!! ''[She dons the helmet.]'' That all ends now! ''Destroy them!'' Leave no one alive. <hr width80%> :'''Splinter''': Master Yoshi's orb. ''[Karai brakes it]'' No!! :'''Karai''': Your sons destroyed my father! Now I will repay them in kind! ''I'' begged Leonardo to let him go, but ''he'' would not listen to reason!! :'''Splinter''': It is ''you'' who has been blinded to ''reason!'' Oroku Saki was a murderer! But ''you'' will ''not'' allow yourself to see the truth!! :'''Karai''': I see clearly, rat! and you will pay for what you have done to me! :'''Splinter''': I reached out to you! I hoped that you would turn away from evil, but I can see now that has consumed you!! You are faster than your father. I will give you that, but your dark heart will betray you, just as his did! :'''Karai''': You are not even worthy to speak of my father, rodent!! I will silence your treacherous tongue once and for all!! <hr width80%> :'''Raph''': Donnie, you take Master Splinter with you. We split up, get out, and hook back up again topside. Got it? ''[They jump as a Shrednaut strikes the ledge they were on.]'' Now let’s go! And guys, be careful. <hr width80%> :''[Meanwhile, Karai is still inside the lair.]'' :'''Karai''': In the name of Oroku Saki, ''Find them!!'' They must not be allowed to live. ''[The Foot bow to her and run to do her bidding.]'' And tear this filthy place apart, Leave nothing standing! :''[The Shrednauts begin firing, taking down support pillars and blasting the ceiling with missiles. Karai laughs as the turtles’ home is destroyed.]'' <hr width80%> :''[To the river, where Donatello, piloting the Shell Sub, is trying to shake his pursuers. The Foot fire torpedoes.]'' :'''Donatello''': Hold on, Master Splinter. :''He pulls back hard on the steering column and the Shell Sub goes straight up. The torpedoes hit each other and explode. The Foot manage to get in front of him and one fires his torpedoes, scoring a direct hit on the underbelly of the Shell Sub. The sub flips over, water beginning to drip into the interior.'' :'''Donatello''': I don’t have enough firepower to fight all of them. Unless… ''[glances at a set of controls.]'' Hang on, Master Splinter. I’ve got an idea. :''[He presses a set of buttons and the Shell Sub rights itself. Torpedoes launch and fire directly into the river bottom, where they raise a dust cloud. Donatello manages to keep the sub upright and land it at the center of the dust cloud. River bottom dirt covers the sub as it settles on the bottom. The Foot converge on the spot where it went down. Inside, Donatello forces open the door and water floods into the cabin. He gives the diving gear to Splinter and then takes a deep breath before kicking a gear and then swimming out of the sub. Suddenly, the Shell Sub emerges and shoots straight upwards. Donatello and Splinter peek up out of the dirt to watch the Foot go after it and fire multiple torpedoes, all of which hit the sub. It explodes, and the remains sink to the river bottom.]'' :'''Underwater Foot Ninja''': Mistress Karai, Donatello and the rat have been destroyed. :'''Karai''': ''[on radio]'' Excellent. Most excellent. :''[The Foot leave. Donatello and Splinter pass the breathing mask back and forth as they swim for the surface.]'' <hr width80%> :''[Michelangelo punches through a wall with the Tunneler and enters the subway tunnels. He drives straight across tracks and drills through another wall to reach another sewer tunnel, with the Shrednaut in hot pursuit. he opens the door]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Hang on, Klunk! ''[jumps out of the Tunneler and dives for cover in the side tunnel. The Tunneler speeds away with the Shrednaut in pursuit. The Shrednaut fires several missiles and hits the Tunneler, which rolls over and crashes.]'' :'''Foot Technician''': Foot Mech Four to Base. Michelangelo is finished. :'''Karai''': ''[on radio]'' Excellent. :''[Michelangelo runs away from the area, carrying Klunk with him.]'' <hr width80%> :'''Karai''': ''[Cut to an overhead view of the city.]'' All that remains is Leonardo. ==Prodigal Son== * Leo becomes less trustful towards Karai since this episode. However, he still appears to have feelings for her as he spared her life. <hr width80%> :'''[[w:Karai (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Karai]]''': ''(Praying)'' Honorable father, though you are imprisoned among the stars, I bring you news that will set free your soul. I, your humble daughter, Karai, discovered the lair of your most hated enemies and led a full Foot attack force against them. Utterly defeated, all they could was flee. Donatello and the rat we left destroyed at the bottom of the river. Michelangelo tried to burrow his way into safety, but he could not dig deep enough to escape my wrath. And Raphael was blown to smithereens in the turtles' own Battle Shell. All that remains is Leonardo, father, and once I find him, then you will truly and forever be avenged! <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': Man! I really missed this old place. ''[sees the ruins of the Lair]'' Oh no, the lair!! ''[strips off his coat and draws a katana before entering.]'' No!! What happened here!? ''[picks up a broken Shell Cell, looks around, and continues on, finding that the lair has almost been completely destroyed. Poised on a ledge above, a Shrednaut’s lights come on. It captures Leonardo’s presence in its view screen and jumps down in front of him. The Foot Technician inside the Shrednaut opens fire, but Leonardo leaps to safety and pulls his second sword.]'' '''You dare come into my home and do this?!!''' ''[jumps at the control pod where the Technician sits and slices into it, causing the Shrednaut to tumble backwards and power down. Leonardo then slices open the harness which holds the Technician in his seat. Leonardo spots the emblem on the Technician’s shirt.]'' The Foot. ''[grabs the Technician by the shirt front and lifts him.]'' '''My family, where are they?!!''' :'''Foot Technician''': You’ll get nothing from me! :''[He presses a button and sparks begin to fly from the Shrednaut’s body. Leonardo leaps away and the Technician flees the machine. Leonardo races out of the lair as the Shrednaut overloads and explodes. The explosion sends Leonardo flying partway down the tunnel, but he is unhurt.]'' :'''Leonardo''': I need some answers. <hr width=50%/> :'''April O'Neil''': ''[from her warning note]'' Leo, I'm so sorry. I not sure what to say, the others are... Karai said she got them all. ''She'' left this. She says your next. Be careful. :'''Leonardo''': No! It can't be! Karai is ''lying!'' They’re alive, I know it! <hr width=50%/> :''[At the Foot Headquarters. A helicopter comes in for a landing and Karai steps out. A Foot ninja meets her and delivers a report.]'' :'''Foot Ninja''': Mistress Karai, we just received the report. The Shrednaut unit stationed in the turtles’ lair was destroyed. :'''Karai''': Leonardo. Deploy all available Foot ninja. Search the city. ''Destroy him!'' ''[The ninja bows and leaves.]'' This night my beloved father will truly be avenged! <hr width=50%/> :''[Leonardo enters an abandoned building through the broken skylight. Behind him, Donatello sees only a shadowed form and draws his bō. Hearing the sound, Leonardo draws a sword and spins around.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Donny? It’s me. :'''Donatello''': Ah, Leo. ''[limps towards his brother.]'' You’re back! :''[They shake hands in greeting.]'' :'''Leonardo''': You okay? :'''Splinter''': My son. :'''Leonardo''': Master Splinter. ''[His father comes out of the shadows, holding his side.]'' I knew it. I knew you were both alive. Don’t worry, Sensei, everything’s gonna be okay. I promise. :'''Donatello''': Oh man, it’s good to see you, bro’. :'''Leonardo''': We have to get both of you out of here before any more Foot show up. <hr width=50%/> :''[Cut to a long range view of {{w|Belvedere Castle}}. A manhole cover slides into place on a trail in {{w|Central Park}}. In the tunnels below, Leonardo leads the way, illuminating their path with his flashlight.]'' :'''Leonardo''': We need to find a safe place for you two to rest and recuperate. Some place far from the old lair. ''[He brushes the dirt off of a sign which reads “Reservoir Pump Station”. Following the arrow on the sign, the trio find a boarded up entrance. he removes the boards and then opens the metal door. He flashes the light around before descending a short set of stairs onto a metal catwalk. The space is huge, with catwalks leading in several directions.]'' This oughta do for now. :'''Donatello''': This must be one of the earlier pumping stations for the reservoir. I think I’ve seen it on some of the old city planning. ''[He looks around at the expansive space and whistles.]'' Very nice! :'''Splinter''': Leonardo, now that Donatello and I are safe… :'''Leonardo''': I’m already on it, Master Splinter. I’ll find them. ''[He races out of the station.]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Raphael''': I ''can't'' believe Karai did this to '''''us!''''' I can't believe ''she'' and the Foot tooked '''''our home!''''' :'''Leonardo''': Listen, Raph, nothing is permanent. We have to flow with change. :'''Master Splinter''': Perhaps Leonardo has learned a thing or two from the Ancient One. ''[He and Leonardo look at one another.]'' Yes, I can see it in your eyes. I have my son back. And I can see something else in your eyes. Please be careful, my son. She will be well guarded, and her skills are much improved. :'''Leonardo''': So are mine, sensei. I’ll be fine, I promise. Now, get some rest. I’m gonna go get some food and supplies. I’ll be back. :'''Raphael''': Hey, Leo, bring back some sodas or something. :'''Michelangelo''': And some pizza and Chinese food ''[Klunk meow]'' and some kibble. <hr width=50%/> :''[Karai is inside the Oroku Saki Memorial Library in full Shredder armor, sans the helmet. She approaches Oroku Saki’s statue, kneels and removes the covering from a katana. This she places in the stand which is at the feet of the statue. As soon as she sets the sword in place, the “Sewer Sweet Sewer” plaque whips through the air and impales the sword stand.]'' :'''Leonardo''': ''[coldly]'' Hello, Karai. Got your message. :'''Karai''': I am impressed. Security here is very tight, yet here you are, undetected. :''[Leonardo hops down and takes up a defensive posture.]'' :'''Leonardo''': So, you are the new Shredder? :''[Karai places the helmet on her head and turns.]'' :'''Karai''': Yes. ''[draws her sword]'' And I am your doom! :''[Leonardo pulls one of his swords as well.]'' :'''Leonardo:''' You have gone too far this time, Karai!! :'''Karai:''' Not far enough! Not until you lie broken and battered at my feet! Only then will my father truly be avenged! Make no mistake, Leonardo, son of Splinter, hated enemy of my father. Your path ends here! :''[leaps at him and he rushes to meet her attack. Their swords clash and they push against each other.]'' :'''Leonardo:''' I remember when we first met, Karai! We fought side by side and I said you were nothing like the Shredder! ''[He falls back, pulling her down and rolling until she is on her back and he is standing over her.]'' I thought you understood honor, but I was wrong! ''You're exactly like him!! You understand '''nothing!!''''' :''[She kicks him off, but he does a handspring and regains his feet. Leonardo catches her sword on his and quickly disarms her, sending her sword flying onto the arms of the statue. She takes a swing at him, but he ducks and pulls her second sword from her belt.]'' :'''Karai''': No, you will pay. You must pay! ''[She tries to slash him with her Tekkō-kagi, but he ducks. Karai squats and launches the weighted end of her Manriki-gusari at him. It wraps around the handle of her stolen sword and she flips backwards, her weight pulling the weapon from his hand. She throws the sword behind her and drops the hook end of the Manriki-gusari into her other hand. Spinning it, she charges and throws the weapon. Leonardo pulls his second katana, leaps, and slices through the chain.]'' No! I must have my revenge! ''[She runs but Leonardo pursues. As she turns, he flips through the air at her, slicing several times. Karai’s helmet falls into several pieces, shocking her.]'' :'''Leonardo:''' Your own anger defeats you, Karai. ''[stands with his back to her.]'' You remind me of a Turtle I used to know. :'''Karai:''' ''[takes a couple of steps back, and grabs the communication device from her belt.]'' Security to the library… ''[Before she can finish, Leonardo slashes across the device, destroying it. As it falls, Leonardo, who has gotten behind her, places his katana near her head. He taps on her shoulder with the sword and she drops to her knees.]'' Go ahead. Do it! Finish me! :'''Leonardo:''' No. ''[Still kneeling, Karai turns as he sheathes his swords.]'' I'm giving you one last chance to do the right thing, Karai. Don't waste it. ''[walks over to Saki’s statue.]'' And Karai, ''[leaps]'' ''stay away [grabs Saki’s sword] from my '''family!!''''' ''[slashes at the statue and tosses the sword so that it sticks into the floor in front of Karai. As he races away]'' :''[The statue’s head falls, having been sliced away from the body. It bounces and rolls across the floor, coming to a stop in front of Karai. Suddenly the room is flooded with Foot ninjas.]'' :'''Foot Ninja''': Mistress Karai! Is everything all right?! :''[Karai looks up to see two of the upper window panels flapping in the breeze.]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[Leonardo returns to the new lair carrying a duffel bag.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Did someone mention food? ''[takes two containers from the bag.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Chinese food for breakfast? ''[He and Donatello both catch a container.]'' Works for me. :''[Kneeling, Leonardo hands a container of food to Raphael and then stands to walk over to Splinter.]'' :'''Leonardo''': I’ve checked it out and this seems like a safe place, Master Splinter. We could stay here, maybe even fix it up a bit. :'''Splinter''': It is as the great sage, Shinto Sakamoto said, home is where you hang your hat. :''[Leonardo kneels before him and takes an ornate walking stick from his bag.]'' :'''Leonardo''': This walking stick is said to have come from a very ancient and mystic tree. ''[He presents the stick to Splinter, who takes it from him.]'' I got it with the Ancient One. I’ve carried it all this way for you. :'''Splinter''': Ah, a very gracious gift. ''[They bow to one another.]'' Thank you, Leonardo. Welcome home. ==Outbreak== :'''Agent Bishop''': ''(Narrating)'' For too long, our world, our history, has been influenced by extraterrestrial threats. I know this all too well. My purpose has always been clear: Defend against the threat. Rebuild humanity to resist invasion. It hasn't always been easy. There are tough choices that need to be made. Someone has to stop this alien plague. It was a vow I made long ago. And I intend to keep it. <hr width=50%/> :'''Michelangelo''': Ugh. Next time I’ll take lookout duty. :'''Raphael''': Great. More of Karai's Foot ninja. We should be out hunting them, not the other way around. :'''Leonardo''': We’ll handle Karai, Raph, but on our terms, not hers. We’ll handle whatever comes our way. <hr width=50%/> :'''Raphael''': You okay, bro’? ''[helps Donatello up.]'' :'''Donatello''': Thanks. :'''Michelangelo''': Don, Raph, watch out! :''[They turn to see several tentacles shooting towards them. Raphael shoves Donatello out of the way.]'' :'''Raphael''': Move! :''[Raphael avoids the tentacles, but one of the spikes strikes Donatello’s thigh.]'' :'''Donatello''': Oh! :''[Raphael pins the tentacle with his sai.]'' :'''Donatello''': My leg. :'''Raphael''': You okay? :'''Donatello''': Yeah, just a nick. Uh, thanks again. ==Trouble with Augie== * This marks the only appearance of Professor August O'Neil, an uncle of [[w:April O'Neil|April O'Neil]] and is the only appearance of Robyn O'Neil, a sister of April. <hr width=50%/> :'''April O'Neil''': ''(Narrating)'' The man in the hat is my uncle Augie. Uncle Augie didn't just teach me math and science, he taught me to love them. If it wasn't for him, I never would've have gotten my college degree in math. Uncle Augie was always coming and going, off on adventures, but we made the most of our time together. Then one day, uncle Augie just disappeared and he never came back. I'd give anything to see my uncle Augie again. I know he's alive and somehow, someway, I'm going to find him. <hr width=50%/> :'''Mikey''': Especially since Karai the new miss Shredder showed up at your shop. ==Insane in the Membrane== * This marks the only appearance of Baxter Stockman's mother in flashbacks. <hr width=50%/> :''[Montage of Stockman's accomplishments accompanied by his voice over]'' :'''[[w:Baxter Stockman|Baxter Stockman]]''': ''(Narrating)'' Once, long ago, I, Dr. Baxter Stockman, was a whole man. With a brilliant mind and an able body! In the scientific community, I was unequalled! Throughout the world, I was renowned, revered, worshipped! But it all went wrong, horribly, horribly wrong. My genius fell under the control of cruel-minded brutes. :''[Flashback of Shredder ordering Hun to drag Stockman away.]'' :'''Baxter Stockman''': No, '''NOOOOOOOOOO!''' :''[We see Hun, from Stockman's POV, thrusting a saw in his face, and the image shatters as it makes contact. A montage of Stockman's various injuries plays until we see him as just a brain in a jar]'' :'''Baxter Stockman''': ''(Narrating)'' They whittled me away, piece by piece, limb by limb, until I was reduced to nearly nothing. ''[Stockman, in his deteriorated form, approaches the camera menacingly]'' But those simpletons aren't to blame. I finally know who's responsible for my downfall, and now, with my new body, I will finally have my revenge! <hr width=50%/> :'''Baxter Stockman''': [Driven to madness and desperation] This experiment is a catastrophe. (As he slams his hands on the floor which it cracks) Uh! HOW could I have been so stupid? Why was I in such a rush? Why didn't I listen to agent Bishop? [Rips off his lab coat in rage] WHY?! Why am I a failure, my whole life?! Oh, mama. I made such promise. (Reminiscing) Where did it all go wrong?! Where? ''[The scene turns red and blue as all of Stockman's enemies appear in his mind, reminscing his time with them. First, we cut to Shredder and some Baxter's injuries.]'' A horrible degradation at the hands of the Shredder. ''[Cut to Hun, who looks grumpily at camera with Purple Dragons behind his back.]'' His horrific bug, Hun! ''[Cut to the turtles]'' And those despicable turtles! No! No! [Camera pans to April, who points at something and then...] Before then… It was her! I trusted her and ''she'' betrayed me! ''[Cut to the turtles (in shadows) and April. Raphael is seen kicking robot Stockman.]'' SHE brought in those turtles and ruined everything, my glorious mousers failed because of her and that failure is what brought the Shredder's wrath down upon me! Yes! She's responsible, ''she'' did this to me. (He picks up the whole table, throws at machinery and brakes) And ''she'' is the one who will pay!! <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> :'''Casey Jones''': He just busted in he knocked me out when I woke up they were gone, all I remember is him saying something about going back to where this all started. :'''Raphael''': Where it all started? :'''Leonardo''': Stocktronics, ''[To Stockman continues to carry April to his old lab building now abandoned, offscreen]'' the lab where he and April first worked together it has to be. <hr width=50%/> :'''Mrs. Stockman''': Baxter, ''[coughing]'' I'm sorry baby doll Mama's just worn out, I guess this old body just can't take it, I so wanted to see you grow up and be a fine man, I did ''[coughing]'' Remember the sky's the limit for you boy, I love you Baxter. ''[dies]'' :'''Young Baxter Stockman''': No, Mama! Don't leave me. Mama! Mama! <hr width=50%/> :'''Leo''': Let her go, Stockman! :'''Baxter Stockman''': April? You, you betrayed me! :'''Donnie''': Run, April! Get out of here! :'''Baxter Stockman''': No! She can't leave, I forbid it! :'''Mikey''': You asked for it, Dr. Stockman-Stein! <hr width=50%/> :'''Raph''': There they are! :'''Mikey''': On the cable car! <hr width=50%/> :'''Stockman''': Now we can finally set things right. :'''April''': Doctor Stockman, please don’t this, can you remember when your work helped people when it was about the science? You were a brilliant man the sky was the limit for you Doctor Stockman. :'''Stockman''': ''[starts hallucinating again.]'' Mama? ''[sees April as his mother.]'' :'''Baxter Stockman's mother''': The sky was the limit you were such a good boy, you had so much potential, what happened to you baby doll? ''[sees her as herself again]'' :'''April''': You were someone I admired, someone I respected and you can be again. :'''Baxter Stockman''': Mama what have I done? :''[The coupling of the cable car continues to break]'' :'''April''': Doctor. :''[Stockman hallucinates April as his mother again.]'' :'''Baxter Stockman's mother''': Baxter. :'''April''': Please. :''[The cable car shakes and she trips backwards.]'' :'''Baxter Stockman''': (gasps) Mama, Mama. :'''Casey''': April! :'''Baxter Stockman''': ''[still hallucinates April as his mother]'' Mama. You've got to get off of here, Mama it's not safe. ''[He comes to April and picks her, Casey climbs down the cable and grabs April.]'' Hurry Mama, ''[Casey places his around April and they both look at Stockman]'' hurry! I love you, Mama! I… ''[The coupling brakes from the cable and the cable car falls in to the river]'' I… Ahhh! :''[The slash is heard as April cries over Stockman's "death", the turtles pull the cable getting Casey and April to safety inside the copter.]'' :'''Mikey''': Man, you think that's the end of Stockman? :'''Leo''': We've seen him come back from worse. Only time will tell. :'''Raph''': Well, I say it good riddance! That psycho's giving us nothing, but grief, ever since we met him! :'''Donnie''': I dunno, at least he gave us this neat chopper... sort of. Now, let's just find a place to park it. ==Return of Savanti== ===Part 1 [4.20]=== :'''Donatello''': ''(Narrating)'' My name is Donatello and right now I can't help but think of an old saying: Be careful what you wish for. All my life, I've been fascinated with what they call "terrible lizards" and "thunder beasts". Dinosaurs. But now, amazingly, I got my wish. Here I am in the Cretaceous Period, 65 million years ago, finally seeing them with my own two eyes, while running for my life. So be careful what you wish for, or, just like the dinosaurs, you might find yourself facing sudden extinction. ===Part 2 [4.21]=== :'''Savanti Romero''': ''(Narrating)'' Eons ago, I was on the verge of ultimate power. With the omnipotent Time Scepter, I, Savanti Romero, was going to rule all of time. That is, until Lord Simultaneous thwarted my plan. He turned me into a monster and exiled me from null time to Earth's Middle Ages where he hoped never to hear from me again. But instead, I plotted: Summoning all my magic, I tried again to take the time scepter and use it against Lord Simultaneous. But thanks to the interference of those accursed ninja turtles and that foolish timestress Renet, my victory was denied and Simultaneous exiled me once more, even further in time to Earth's Cretaceous Period, but that did not stop me. Again, I gathered my magic and lured my prey back through time. Savanti Romero will not be denied his revenge. The timestress will pay for her meddling. The time scepter will finally be mine. As for the turtles, they have no idea of the changes that are about to befall them. ==Tale of Master Yoshi== * This marks the only appearance of [[w:Tang Shen|Tang Shen]], and Yukio Mashimi in flashbacks. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' Honor. Integrity. Bushido. These were the ideals that drove Master Splinter's beloved master: Hamato Yoshi. He had traveled far to reach this castle fortress only to find four Foot elite warriors barring his way. But four or four hundred, it mattered not for on this particular night, Yoshi was driven by a powerful force unfamiliar to him. Hatred. Hatred that burned so bright it threatened to destroy him. Hatred born out of the need for revenge. <hr width=50%/> :'''Donatello''': I know! Maybe Leo should tell us about the Ancient One. :'''Raphael''': Yeah, Leo. I want to know the other things you learned on how to kick butt. :'''Leonardo''': Well, I wouldn't know where to start, but there is one story I think you might want to hear... about Master Splinter's master, Hamato Yoshi. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': It's a story about a girl. :'''Raphael''': A girl? Does she kick butt? :'''Master Splinter''': Raphael. Please, continue, Leonardo. :'''Leo''': Okay. Our story begins long ago in the 1960s. Japan was just getting back on its feet. :'''Michelangelo''': After an attack by [[Godzilla]]? :'''Leo''': No. After its defeat in [[w:World War II|World War II]]. It was not uncommon to see young orphaned boys in the streets, begging for food and money. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' So the Ancient One took Yoshi and his friend into his home, and trained them in the ways of ninjitsu, and treated them as if they were his own sons. As they grew into young men, they became closer than brothers, best of friends who do everything together. They even fell in love at the same time, with the same girl - [[w:Tang Shen|Tang Shen]]. They were crazy about her. Tang Shen was also an orphan raised by the Ancient One. It was her loving care that made the Ancient One's house into a home and that often brought unexpected visitors to her kitchen. :'''Tang Shen''': Mashimi, no! :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' But Tang Shen saw a hungry innocent creature and, as always, her first thought was to care for it. She decided to keep the curious rat as a pet. Seeing that Tang Shen had grown fond of the hungry little visitor, Yoshi had built a home for the newest member of their family. Although, Tang Shen had captured both the boys' hearts, it was clear that her heart belonged to only one of them - Yoshi. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' But the Ancient One was dead set against it. :'''Ancient One''': Ha, no. The Guardians are no place for you. You must ''not'' do this. Yoshi, a different destiny awaits you. Neither of you are ready. You need much more training. :'''Yukio Mashimi''': Sensei, we are more than ready. :'''Ancient One''': In body perhaps, but it is your heart and mind that still need training, my son. :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': The Guardians are an honorable force for good, Sensei. I want to help them. :''[Tang Shen peers through the doorway into the dojo.]'' :'''Ancient One''': No. I forbid you to ''join'' the Guardians. ''[leaves]'' That is my ''final'' word. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' Though his friendship with Mashimi began to diminish, Yoshi's bond with Tang Shen grew stronger than ever, but the coils of jealousy were winding tighter and tighter in Mashimi's soul until... something snapped. :''[A crack of thunder is followed by rain. Tang Shen lifts her arms to welcome it.]'' :'''Yukio Mashimi''': Tang Shen! :'''Tang Shen''': Oh, Mashimi, you startled me. ''[?]'' What, what is wrong with you? :''[Inside his dojo the little rat munches on a crumb when the sound of Tang Shen’s scream cuts the air. The Ancient One is nearby and runs for the door.]'' :'''Ancient One''': Tang Shen? ''[runs outside, looking for her.]'' Tang Shen! ''[He then spots her prone form.]'' Oh no! Tang Shen! <hr width=50%/> :'''Shredder''': Secure all the exits. Let none escape. :''[Mashimi, now wearing the garb of the Foot, steps up next to Shredder.]'' :'''Mortu''': Mashini, ''you'' have betrayed ''us!''? :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': Mashimi, why? :'''Yukio Mashimi''': How dare ''you'' ask why! ''You'' betrayed ''me!'' We were like brothers, but you had everything and left me with nothing!! Now I take everything from you, including your life!! <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' Yoshi returned to tell Tang Shen all that had happened, only to find out the horrible truth. :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': Tang Shen!? No! '''NOOOO!!''' ''[echoes]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[at Shen's grave]'' :'''Ancient One''': This is all my fault. I knew Mashimi had a dark streak in his heart. :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': It is not your fault, Master. It is Mashimi's fault and he shall pay with his life!! :'''Ancient One''': Be careful, my son. Vengeance is like a splinter that will poison your mind and heart. <hr width=50%/> :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': Yukio Mashimi, I have come for you! Show yourself, ''traitor!'' :'''Shredder''': ''[sits on his throne.]'' Mashimi. :''[Mashimi steps out in front of the stairs leading up to Shredder’s throne.]'' :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': Mashimi, ''I'' challenge ''you'' to a ''duel'', assassin!! :'''Yukio Mashimi''': A duel!? Ha! You have unknowingly stepped into the lion's den, Yoshi! I do not need to fight you! We outnumber you!! :'''Shredder''': You are mistaken, Yukio Mashimi. You stand alone. Defeat Hamato Yoshi and I will forgive our humiliating retreat from the Utrom base. Only if you defeat Yoshi will I let you live. :'''Yukio Mashimi''': As you wish, Master. ''[walks over to where Yoshi waits and strikes a defensive posture.]'' So, Yoshi, our story comes full circle! It began with the two of us and it will end with just the two of us!! :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': This story will only end with one of us, Mashimi!! <hr width=50%/> :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': Well, little one. I will name you Splinter. And together, we will remind ourselves of Tang Shen. Of her beauty, her kindness, and love. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': Well, I think we all know the rest of the story. :'''Michelangleo''': Man! What a bummer story. :'''Master Splinter''': Perhaps, Michelangelo, but perhaps not. It not for these events, I would never have been brought to New York. :'''Donatello''': And the Utroms would never have had to relocate here either, meaning no ooze. :'''Raphael''': No us. <hr width=50%/> :''[Present Day Japan. The Ancient One approaches a home. Inside, a gate rises and he proceeds down a long flight of stairs. He enters a large chamber, lit by fire sconces mounted around the center of a circular area. He bows.]'' :'''Ancient One''': I have come to plead for the turtles. You must not carry out your designs. :''[From the darkness, a pair of blue eyes light up. It is one of the Ninja Tribunal.]'' :'''Juto-Shisho''': You are too late, Ancient One. :''[From another side, the bright eyes are green.]'' :'''Chikara-Shisho''': We have decided. :''[Yet a third set of eyes, silver in color, appears.]'' :'''Kon-Shisho''': We will judge the turtles’ fate. We will determine whether they will live... :'''Juto-Shisho''': Or how they will meet their end. :''[The Ancient One bows.]'' ==<span style=color:purple>'''The Mutated Era of Donatello'''</span>== ===Adventures in Turtle Sitting=== :'''Leonardo''' ''[narrating]'': Things are not good, and they're getting worse by the second. We could really use good old Donnie right about now. Ever since Bishop's mutant outbreak began, Don's been the one guiding us through this whole mess. Coming up with all the answers. :''[Michelangelo gets hit]'' :'''Raph''': Mikey! :'''Leo''': ''[narrating]'' There have been ''hundreds'' of times we'd've been turtle-waxed... if Don's brains hadn't bailed us out. :'''Leo''': ''[sees Raph getting grabbed a monster]'' Raph! :'''Leo''': ''[narrating]'' It's too bad Don's not here now, because this is definitely one of those times. <hr width=50%/> :'''April''': Now who could that be? [She opens the doors to find the Michelangelo, Leonardo and Raphael standing there.] Guys! Hey, this is...unexpected. Guys! Hey, this is...unexpected. :'''Leonardo''': Sorry, April, but we’re on our way to a possible mutant outbreak at the power plant and— :'''Donatello''': Achoo! ''[groans, leans against the doorframe, looking weak and with dark bags under his eyes.]'' :'''April''': Whoa. Don, you look greener than usual. A lot greener than usual. :'''Donnie''': I know, I-- ''[blows his nose.]'' I've picked up this little bug and I haven't been able to shake it. ''[blows nose]'' I was feeling alright, but I just can't handle mutants right now. :'''Mikey''': Did you figure that out before, or after you barfed in the Battle Shell? :'''Raph''': Mikey! ''[slaps Mikey in the head]'' :'''Mikey''': OW! :'''Raph''': ''Adults'' are talking. April, can you keep an eye on Donnie for us? :'''Donnie''': Achoo! ''[blows his nose.]'' :'''April''': Of course Don can stay here. I mean, we weren’t going anywhere anyway. :'''Casey''': Bro’, you are seriously cramping my style here. :'''Donnie''': Sorry. :'''April''': You guys have been on monster patrol for weeks. What’s the plan, clean up all the mutants in Manhattan? :'''Leo''': Well, no. This outbreak is way more than four turtles can handle. We’re just trying to keep it from spreading. :'''April''': Well, go get ‘em guys. We’ll watch Don. :'''Leo''': Donnie, take it easy bro’. ''[The other turtles depart.]'' :'''Donnie''': Good lu-uh-uh-achoo! Achoo! :'''Casey''': Uh! ''[slaps his forehead as Donatello groans.]'' Come on, sickly mutant ninja turtle, you better lie down before you fall down. ''[helps Donatello lie down on the couch and then covers him with a blanket.]'' There. Comfy? <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': Okay, Mikey, you take the left. Don, you cover me on— :'''Michelangelo''': Uh, Don’s home sick from school today, Leo. :'''Leonardo''': Right. Raph, you cover me on the right. And remember guys, just contain them, do not splatter them. :'''Raphael''': We know the drill. Can't have that cream filling spillin' out, infecting other creatures with their freako DNA. The last thing we need is more genetic rejects. I mean, we've already got Mikey. :''[It's loving brother time!]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[after Donatello mutates]'' :'''April O'Neil''': This is crazy! :'''Casey Jones''': What do we do?! :'''April''': It's Don right? Try talking to him! :'''Casey''': Talk to him, are you nuts!? He's a savage, freaky monster and '''YOU JUST WHACKED HIM IN THE FACE WITH A BROOM!!!''' :''[Casey being the voice of reason]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Stockman''': I-- I don’t understand. What’s happened? What have you done to me? :'''Agent Bishop''': I had your brain recovered from the bottom of New York’s East River after your misguided sabbatical. While I could do without your personality, I do need your brain. The outbreak is getting worse by the minute, and I expect you to use that powerful mind of yours to clean it up. :'''Stockman''': I-- I-- I can’t believe... oh. I can’t believe you brought me back this. Why? Why? [He gets off the table and stands on shaky legs before falling.] Why couldn’t you let me finally rest in peace? Why?! <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': What was that thing? :'''Raphael''': And where’s Don? :'''Michelangelo''': Did that monster get Don? :'''April''': Guys, that monster is Don. :'''Michelangelo''': Say what? :'''April''': That thing you just fought is Don. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leatherhead''': I regret to say... I cannot cure him. :'''Mikey''': What?! NO!! :'''Raphael''': '''MAN, I AM GONNA TAKE BISHOP AND RAM MY FOOT SO FAR...''' :'''Leonardo''': Easy, Raph! We'll find cure, but first we got to capture Don before he hurts himself or anyone else. :''[Raph almost says something inappropriate for kids]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Michelangelo''': Oh ugly, mutated-version-of-my-beloved-brother DONATELLOOOO, where are youuu~?! ''[He hears growling.]'' Donny?! :''[Mutant Donatello appears rounds a turn, sees Michelangelo, and charges.]'' :'''Mikey''': Like, ZOINKS!! :''[Michelangelo dodges a swing, leaps over Donatello’s head, and runs. Donatello chases him. Michelangelo catches onto a hole in the ceiling of the tunnel and one handed swings through into the tunnel above. He turns and looks back, but sees no Donatello. Arming his weapon, he walks back towards the hole. Suddenly Donatello bursts through and Michelangelo screams and runs.]'' :'''Mikey''': Oh, Humna, humna, humna, humna, humna, humna, humna, humna! WHOA! :''[mutant Donatello keeps swinging his fists to Michelangelo, who keeps dodging them by swinging back and forward]'' :'''Mikey''': Now I know how a piñata feels! ''[dodge another fist swing]'' AND I DON'T LIKE IT! Whoa, Don! Come on, quit it! ''[Raph and Leo arrive.]'' A little help here, guys? :'''Raphael''': Whoa, mama! Don’s been taking his vitamins. ''[Donatello punches Michelangelo and flings him down at the feet of his brothers.]'' I’m really sorry about this, Donny! :''[He jumps down in front of Donatello and swings at him with his capture claw weapon.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Remember, this is Don. Do not hurt him! :''[Raphael hops around as Donatello tries to slash him.]'' :'''Raphael''': That’s not gonna be a problem, Leo! :''Donatello straightens and roars. Leonardo kicks his carapace and when Donatello turns, Raphael kicks him. Donatello falls forward onto his hands and knees.'' :'''Leonardo''': Leatherhead, you’re on. :''[Leatherhead leaps out of hiding and runs towards Donatello, who has risen to his feet. Leatherhead plows into him, grabs and lifts him off his feet. Donatello tries to snap at him. Leatherhead shoves him into the containment unit and Michelangelo and Leonardo slam the door shut. Donatello pounds on the glass as his brothers and Leatherhead look on.]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Splinter''': ''[sadly]'' My son. :'''Leatherhead''': I can sympathize. I know what it’s like to be a monster. :'''Raphael''': ''[places his hand on Splinter’s shoulder.]'' Poor Donny. :'''Michelangelo''': What are we gonna do, Leo? :'''Leonardo''': Do? This is Donatello. This is our brother. ''[He flattens a palm on the glass.]'' We’re going to hunt down a cure for him, no matter what it takes. No matter what it takes. ===Good Genes=== ====Part 1 [2.24]==== :'''[[w:Leatherhead (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Leatherhead]]''': ''(Narrating)'' As we fly through the night, I can't help but ponder: intelligence, reason, even simple thought. Most people take these things for granted. I do not. For I know what it's like to be an advanced mind, trapped in the body of a brute... of a monster. But for once, I am not the monster in question. My friend Donatello is one of the gentlest souls I've ever met, with one of the finest minds I've ever known. But now, thanks to the evil agent Bishop, my friend has been transformed into a thoughtless savage. And I fear that the Donatello I know may truly be lost forever. <hr width=50%/> :'''Karai''': Mystics, your master has need of you! :''[Laughter echoes all around her.]'' :'''Water Mystic''': ''[voice-over]'' Our master is the Shredder. Not you, little girl! :''[The Earth Mystic materializes atop of podium.]'' :'''Earth Mystic''': You are nothing but a pretender! like the Utrom abomination before you! :''[The other Mystics appear atop their perches.]'' :'''Karai''': You forget your place, Mystics! You serve me now. I hold the same power over you as my father did! All your talk of ancient power. You live in the past. I am the future and you will obey me. Find the turtle Leonardo! ''He'' must pay for his crimes ''against'' my father! Do you hear me?! ''[turns and walks away.]'' ''Find him!'' ''[exits the room. As the door closes behind her, the Mystics speaks again.]'' :'''Earth Mystic''': Perhaps ''he'' will find you! <hr width=50%/> :'''Leo''': Once we have Bishop, We'll convince him to help Don. :'''Raph''': Leatherhead and I can handle that part of the plan, we can be very convincing. ''[punches hand]'' :'''Michelangelo''': It's Area 51, they probably have a UFO watching us from SPACE! <hr width=50%/> :'''Stockman''': Now open that hunk a' junk. ====Part 2 [2.25]==== :'''Leo''': ''(Narrating)'' A wise man once said: I've got a bad feeling about this. And right now, I know how he feels. Believe it or not, that's my brother Donatello. And right now, he's sick. Really sick. He was scratched by one of Bishop's outbreak mutants, and now he has become a savage, mindless monster. Had it been any of us, we would have looked at Don to save the day. But even with Leatherhead's help, we're no closer to finding a cure. With no other options, we tracked down the one man who might have a cure: the man responsible for the outbreak in the first place: Agent Bishop. Bishop agreed to cure Don, but for a price. Infiltrating Foot central? It's an impossible mission. But what can we do? Our brother is sick. And there's nothing we won't do to save him. Even if it means... making a deal with the devil. <hr width=50%/> :'''Agent Bishop''': Comm systems on, secure channel :'''The Entity''': Ah, Agent Bishop, we are transmitting coordinates to you even as we speak :'''Bishop''': And in return? :'''Entity''': We will let you know, will you be retrieving the artifact yourself? :'''Bishop''': Of cause not, i'll sending in special agents. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leatherhead''': Donatello's condition continues to deteriorate, there's not much time. :'''Master Splinter''': Doctor Stockman, Agent Bisharp told us you have administer the cure to Donatello. :'''Baxter Stockman''': To think I sunk so low that unparalleled genius would be used save the life of these freaks, unfathomable. :'''Leatherhead''': Where is the cure Stockman? :'''Stockman''': I am pulled sweet oblivion for what? this? :'''Leatherhead''': Show us the cure NOW! :'''Stockman''': CURE? you stupid animal, Agent Bishop lied there is no cure. :'''Splinter''': WHAT?! :''[Leatherhead growls and his eyes turn green on Stockman]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Leo''': April come in :'''April''': Go leo :'''Leo''': we've made it to the Foots garbage disposal facility, time for you & Casey to do your thing :'''April''': Casey's heading in to the power station now, stand by :'''Casey''': Hey if we gonna put a computer virus in here to shut down the power, how come you're not going in? :'''April''': Because I don't look like a janitor :'''Casey''': Gee thanks :'''Leo''': Keep us posted April, we're moving into position :'''April''': Roger that :'''Leo''': Well here the fun starts :'''April''': All the buildings garbage go through shoots that led to an incinerator :'''Michelangelo''': We're going in through the furnace, isn't that gonna be hot???? :'''Leo''': It's our only way and that's not all,once through the incinerators we go up a shoots. :'''April''': Which Karai has secured with a deadly grid of lazers :'''Leo''': When the power drops we go up the vent, we gotta beat the emergency-power kicking in :'''Mikey''': Ah, Leo why is the grid still on? :'''Leo''': Casey, April, cut that power or we're turtles flambe. :'''Casey''': I've put in the stupid virus but it ain't working! :'''Leo''': Casey we really need that power out NOW :'''Casey''': Alright, you stupid computers, we're doing this old school, ''[picks up a computer]'' GOONGALA!!! ''[throws computer]'', Woo hoo :'''Leo''': Grids' down <hr width=50%/> :'''Karai''': Find out what's going on . . . Leonardo is here, but why?, why would he come here? <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': Good work Casey we're in, April go the phase 3: get to the copter :'''April O'Neil''': On it :'''Leo''': remember we get what we need and get out, Ralph you know what you have to do, Mikey you're with me, let's go <hr width=50%/> :'''Metal Mystic''': Everything goes as planned my brothers. :'''Earth Mystic''': Soon we all be free! <hr width=50%/> :''[About the mystic Heart of Tengu]'' :'''Karai''': No!! Give that to me!! You do not know what you are doing!! <hr width=50%/> :'''Karai''': You cannot take that! :'''Leonardo''': Watch me!! <hr width=50%/> :'''Karai''': No! ''[runs towards them.]'' Leonardo, face me!! :''[Leonardo turns and draws a sword, but Michelangelo catches him by the arm.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Get in, Get out, right? It's not about Karai, right? :'''Leo''': ''[sheathes his katana.]'' Right. :''[They climb onto the rubble piled in front of the hole in the wall.]'' :'''Karai''': Stop them! Someone stop them!! :''[All three turtles jump. Karai and her Foot Elite reach the opening, but can only watch as the turtles climb up a ladder dangling from the helicopter.]'' :'''Karai''': No! No! ''[drops to her knees.]'' No-o! ''[echoes]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Don''': ''[Emerges from a cloud of mist, cured]'' Hey guys, what's up? ''[collapses into Leatherhead's arms]'' :'''Leatherhead''': I have you, my friend. :'''Michelangelo, Raphael and Leonardo''': All right! Donny! Welcome back! It’s so good to see you again! <hr width=50%/> :'''Master Splinter''': Welcome back, my son. :'''Don''': I hope you guys didn't go through too much trouble for me. (Did you?) :''[Everyone is silent]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Nah. ==Ninja Tribunal== * This is the Season 4 finale. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' You know, if there's one thing I've learned being a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, is to always expect the unexpected. But with all of our training, and all of our hard work, I'd like to think that we're ready for anything. But sometimes, the unexpected is just a little too... unexpected. <hr width=50%/> :'''Raphael''': Yeah, no offense Donnie, but you weren't too much fun when you were... sick. :'''Michelangelo''': Fun?! He was a monster. An absolutely, horrible, drooling big nasty-fanged monster! You tried to eat my leg! <hr width=50%/> :'''Michelangelo''': Are we sure that Donnie's all better? See the full moon, Donnie? Do you feel the monster inside? The monster taking control?! 'MWAHAHAHA!!!! :'''Donatello''': Oh no. I'm- I'm changing! '''RAAAAGGGHH!''' :'''Mikey''': AAAAHHH! HELP ME! HELP ME! HE'S TRYING TO EAT MY LEG AGAIN! AAAAAHHHHH! <hr width=50%/> :''[After the enemy ninjas demonstrated their weapon sticks to the Turtles.]'' :'''Raphael''': Now maybe it's just me, but I think these guys plan to stick it to us. <hr width=50%/> :'''Juto-Shisho''': Bow when you enter this sanctuary. :'''Chikara-Shisho''': We require warriors to combatant, and as pathetic as you are, you eight are our best hope. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': You expect us to fight each other? :'''Raphael''': Forget it, bucketheads. :'''Kon-Shisho''': You WILL fight, or you will be destroyed. <hr width=50%/> :''[Back to New York City, the rooftop from which the turtles were kidnapped. Splinter and the Ancient One are searching the rooftop. The Ancient One finds the slashed mask left by the wooden warrior that Leonardo had fought.]'' :'''Ancient One''': The Mokusai no Bushi were here. ''[He studies gashes in the rooftop and then points to another area.]'' And here, signs of a struggle. :'''Splinter''': The Ninja Tribunal has taken my sons! Ancient One, you must take me to the tribunal. :'''Ancient One''': You know that what you ask is simply not permitted. :'''Splinter''': Permitted or not, I will protect my sons! == Characters == === Main === * [[w:Leonardo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Leonardo]] (or Leo) - voiced by [[w:Michael Sinterniklaas|Michael Sinterniklaas]] * [[w:Donatello (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Donatello]] (or Donnie) - voiced by [[w:Sam Riegel|Sam Riegel]] * [[w:Raphael (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Raphael]] (or Raph) - voiced by [[w:Greg Abbey|Frank Frankson]] * [[w:Michelangelo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Michelangelo]] (or Mikey) - voiced by [[w:Wayne Grayson|Wayne Grayson]] === Recurring === * [[w:Splinter (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Splinter]] - voiced by [[Darren Dunstan]] * [[w:April O'Neil|April O'Neil]] - voiced by [[w:Veronica Taylor|Veronica Taylor]] * [[w:Casey Jones (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Arnold Casey Jones Jr.]] - voiced by [[w:Marc Thompson (voice actor)|Marc Thompson]] === Antagonists === * [[w:Karai (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles|Karai]] – voiced by Karen Neill * Agent John Bishop – voiced by [[w:David Zen Mansley|David Zen Mansley]] * [[w:Baxter Stockman|Baxter Stockman]] – voiced by Scott Williams * Savanti Romero – voiced by [[w:David Zen Mansley|David Zen Mansley]] * [[w:Hun (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Hun]] – voiced by [[w:Greg Carey (voice actor)|Greg Carey]] * Rat King – voiced by [[w:David Zen Mansley|David Zen Mansley]] === Supporting === * [[w:Leatherhead (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Leatherhead]] - voiced by [[w:Greg Carey (voice actor)|Gary K. Lewis]] * The Ancient One - voiced by David Chen * [[w:Miyamoto Usagi|Miyamoto Usagi]] - voiced by [[w:Jason Griffith|Jason Griffith]] * [[w:Murakami Gennosuke|Murakami Gennosuke]] – voiced by [[Eric Stuart]] * Jhanna - voiced by [[w:Lisa Ortiz|Lisa Ortiz]] * Raptarr - voiced by Marc Diraison * Renet - voiced by Liza Jacqueline * Professor August O'Neil - voiced by [[w:Marc Thompson (voice actor)|Marc Thompson]] * Robyn O'Neil * * * * * Mortu - voiced by [[w:Dan Green (voice actor)|Dan Green]] * The Ultimate Daimyo - voiced by [[w:Marc Thompson (voice actor)|Marc Thompson]] * Gyoji - voiced by [[w:Oliver Wyman (actor)|Oliver Wyman]] * Nobody - voiced by [[w:Sean Schemmel|Sean Schemmel]] === Minor === * [[w:Hamato Yoshi|Hamato Yoshi]] – voiced by [[Eric Stuart]] * [[w:Shredder (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Ch'rell/Oroku Saki/Shredder]] - voiced by [[w:Scott Rayow|Scottie Ray]] * Angel - voiced by [[w:Tara Sands|Tara Jayne]] * Arnold Casey Jones Sr. * Baxter Stockman's mother * [[w:Tang Shen|Tang Shen]] * Yukio Mashimi * * * * * ==External links== {{wikipedia|Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003 TV series, season 4)}} {{Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles}} [[Category:Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003 TV series) seasons|4]] [[Category:Children's television seasons]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about turtles]] [[Category:American animated television seasons]] kbjogl67rqi6ujgn8lm4imos7yvtmt8 3778850 3778849 2025-07-14T20:26:08Z 2001:8003:DD49:F700:7CE2:F3C:CD2C:140C /* Dragons Rising */ 3778850 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''Seasons''': [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 1)|1]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 2)|2]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 3)|3]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 4)|4]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 5): Ninja Tribunal|5: Ninja Tribunal]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Fast Forward|6: Fast Forward]] / [[TMNT: Back to the Sewer|7: Back to the Sewer]] | '''Film''': [[Turtles Forever]] | [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003 TV series)|Main]] ---------------- The following is a list of quotes from the fourth season of the 2003 series '''''[[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003 TV series)|Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles]]'''''. ==Cousin Sid== * This is the Season 4 premiere. This marks the debut appearance of Casey Jones's cousin Sid. <hr width=50%/> :'''[[w:Splinter (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Master Splinter]]''': ''(Narrating)'' Life moves as the wheel of destiny turns, day to night, night to day. [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 3)|Our fight with the Shredder nearly cost us our lives.]] We are broken, battered, but alive. Our bodies will heal but I wonder: Do my sons carry other wounds not so easily overcome? I know with a great heaviness that there will always be some new threat to challenge us. I only pray my sons will be prepared to face it... <hr width=50%/> :''[The episode opens with a view of the Jones’ family farmhouse at night. Cut to the interior. The front door opens, and April enters with Master Splinter. He is injured and she is supporting him.]'' :'''April O'Neil''': Just a little bit further, Master Splinter. :''[Donatello and Michelangelo enter next. Donatello’s arm is in a sling and Michelangelo is on crutches with casts on his legs.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Finally. Now, someone give me a fork or something. You have no idea how bad my legs itch. :'''Donatello''': Yeah, we do, Mikey. We heard about it the whole trip. :''[Last to enter are Casey Jones, Raphael, and Leonardo. Casey and Leonardo are supporting Raphael. The two turtles have bandages wrapped around their bodies. April helps Splinter onto a chair.]'' :'''Splinter''': Thank you, April. I am not as young as I once was. Wound's take longer to heal. :'''Michelangelo''': I'm still as young as I once was, and I don't feel like I'm ever going to heal! :''[Casey and Leonardo helps Raphael to lie down on the couch.]'' :'''Raphael''': Too bad you didn't break your jaw. Maybe we’d finally get a little peace and quiet around here. ''[bones cracking]'' Ow. :'''Michelangelo''': ''[sits in a chair next to Splinter’s and props his legs up.]'' Ahh! That's... better? ''[sniffs]'' Ew! What's that smell?! It smells like burnt – ''[He glances over at his father.]'' Oh, right. Sorry, Sensei. :'''April''':All right. Who's hungry? :'''Donatello''': Me! :'''Michelangelo''': I am! :'''Donatello''': I am! :'''Casey Jones''': Over here! :''[Leonardo is standing at the window, staring into the yard.]'' :'''April''': Leo? :'''Splinter''': Leonardo? :'''Leonardo''': I'm fine. <hr width=50%/> :'''April''': ''[grabs the fork from Michelangelo]'' No scratching. <hr width=50%/> : '''Raphael''': Hey, I like it when Leo acts tough. We should get Karai to stab him more often. :''(Leo angrily glares)'' :'''Mikey''': Easy Leo. Leave Raph to me. Raph needs a hiding place. Don't you, Raphie boy? And I got just the spot. :'''Raph''': Hiding spot? ''[Leonardo and Donatello carry him to a closet.]'' Don't even... No way am I missing this action. ==The People's Choice== :'''[[w:Michelangelo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Michelangelo]]''': ''(Narrating)'' Who would have guessed that getting back to nature with my bro's would turn into a sci-fi marathon? There's nothing cooler than slimy, slippery space-creatures, giant alien blobs, cosmic rock creatures with a bad attitude, or intergalactic catfight! And here I thought our camping trip was going to be boring. Silly me! <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> ==Sons of the Silent Age== :'''[[w:April O'Neil|April O'Neil]]''': ''(Narrating)'' I love nature. Its beauty, its balance and perfection. Nature reminds me of what I learned in school about the scientist Charles Darwin. Darwin believed in the survival of the fittest. He explained how life on Earth could be defined simply as the struggle for existence. But, it seems to me that the struggle for existence is never very simple. <hr width=50%/> :'''April''': Are you okay, Leo? I know something’s been bothering you. :'''Leonardo''': Yeah, I... I don’t know. Well, I guess I do. It’s... I just can’t stop thinking about the last time we faced off against the Shredder. ''[clenches his fist.]'' That the only way that we could’ve defeated him was by blowing ourselves up. I couldn’t protect my brothers, my master. ''[punches a fist into the palm of his other hand.]'' I feel like such a complete failure, and no matter how I try to rationalize it, justify it, it always comes down to the fact that I wasn’t good enough. <hr width=50%/> :'''Raphael''': Then the first thing we have ta' do is sneak in there. :'''Michelangelo''': Right, and like the Three Musketeers used to say, "One for all and all for ninja mode." Course, I'm paraphrasing. ''[smack]'' Owww! :'''Raph''': What is wrong with you? :'''Mikey''': What? ==Dragon's Brew== * This is the only episodes in the series to not feature Raph (despite being mentioned), Mikey, and Donnie. <hr width=50%/> :'''Hun''': ''(Narrating)'' This is the dawning of a new age. I have seen the past and I have touched the future. I have learned from my late great master that preparation is everything and I am prepared. Our destiny will soon be at hand. Nothing can stop us now. Nothing. <hr width=50%/> :'''Casey''': Ha~ah! :'''Hun''': Jones! Uh! :'''Casey''': ''[elbows him in the gut and then sweeps his feet from under him with a hockey stick.]'' You and me, we got unfinished business! :'''Hun''': Bring it on. ''[Leonardo hops onto a box behind him.]'' Thought you turtles were destroyed. :'''Leonardo''': There’s a lot of that going around. :'''Casey''': He’s mine, Leo! :'''Leonardo''': I’ll just soften him up a little for you. <hr width=50%/> :'''Boy''': Mommy, I was dreaming about Daddy. It was horrible! :'''Mother''': It’s okay, Sweetie. Daddy is in a better place, remember? ==I, Monster== * This marks the debut appearance of Rat King. <hr width=50%/> :'''Rat King''': ''(Narrating)'' I awoke in the mud and the slime of a filthy river. I don't know where I am or even who I am. I'm haunted by glimpses... momentary fragments of a life I think I had. But what life do I have now? What am I, but a monster? And now all will fear me... because everything fears the monster. <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> ==Grudge Match== :'''[[w:Raphael (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Raphael]]''': ''(Narrating)'' It may look like just another day in the Battle Nexus, with the crowds and the cheering, but trust me, this day was gonna be special. I was looking forward to somebody finally shutting Mikey up about being Battle Nexus Champion. But it was starting to look like they were gonna shut Mikey up permanently. <hr width=50%/> :'''Master Splinter''': Yes. Pizza sounds very appetizing right now, with pepperoni and ''karma''. ==A Wing and a Prayer== * This marks the debut appearance of Raptarr. <hr width=50%/> :'''Raptarr''': ''(Narrating)'' Long have I watched over the world of man, and have I've been sickened by the ruthless acts of a soulless few. But through it all, I have learned more of who I am. Some call me "Hunter". Some call me "Protector". Whatever I am called, I have vowed to be this world's guardian angel. <hr width=50%/> ==Bad Day== :'''[[w:Donatello (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Donatello]]''': ''(Narrating)'' OK, pop quiz: If a dozen of Agent Bishop's deadly commandos are chasing you at ninety miles an hour from points A, B, and C, what are the odds you're gonna survive the next five minutes? <hr width=50%/> :'''Master Splinter''': Perhaps, but I am not speaking to you. I wait for my true foes to reveal themselves. You cannot touch me! :'''Foot Mystic''': This one is more powerful than we imagined. <hr width=50%/> :'''Karai''': Fools! Another failure!? :'''Fire Mystic''': Our encounter has given information that will be useful to us. But we did not expect our forces to be breached. :'''Karai''': And you recklessly revealed your presence to the rodent! :'''Water Mystic''': We assure you, we have gained enough knowledge for our next assault. :'''Karai''': Then make it so! Otherwise, when I attack, I assure you it will be no illusion!! ==Aliens Among Us== :'''Agent Bishop''': ''(Narrating)'' For more years than I can remember I have stood watch. Preparing for a day I've long known was inevitable. The alien threat is real. And the world has suffered at the hand of these invaders. The world must be prepared it must always be vigilant. And I will make sure it is, no matter what the cost. ==Dragons Rising== * This marks the only appearance of Arnold Casey Jones Sr., the late father of [[w:Casey Jones (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Casey Jones]] in flashbacks <hr width=50%/> :'''[[w:Casey Jones (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Casey Jones]]''': ''(Narrating)'' You know, it's taken me quite a while, but I've really come a long way. I finally got my temper under control. However, there are still a few certain things that can really make my blood boil. Hun is one of them certain things. ''[Flashback to younger Hun and Casey]'' Me and him, we go way back. See, when I was a kid, a gang of street punks was shaking my old man down for protection money. It was Hun and the Purple Dragons. When my old man wouldn't pay him, they torched our store. :'''Hun''': ''[grabs young Casey]'' You tell your old man punk, Next time pay up or else. ''[drops young Casey and walks off with the Purple dragons gang as young Casey watches sadly flashbacks end]'' :'''Casey Jones''': ''(Narrating)'' Yeah, me and him, we still got a score to settle. No matter how I try to plan out this problem, the two of us are headed for a bad, bad, showdown. :''[Casey and Hun grapple with each other atop a truck moving at high speed.]'' :'''Casey Jones''': ''(Narrating)'' Who knows? Maybe I haven't come as far as I thought. <hr width=50%/> :'''Mrs. Jones''': Arnold, please. Is too dangerous. :'''Young Casey''': Please, Pops, don’t go. :'''Arnold Jones Sr.''': ''[squats down and places a hand on his son's shoulder.]'' I gotta, kiddo. I put everything we had into that store. I can’t just let them get away with this. I’m going to the police. :'''Young Casey''': But they said no cops. They said if you— :'''Arnold Jones Sr.''': Casey, sometimes you just gotta stand up for what’s right, even if the odds are against you. Even if you’re all alone. You gotta just stand up and do the right thing. <hr width=50%/> :''[Casey, Raphael, Michelangelo and Donatello are inside the Battle Shell and Leonardo stands behind the vehicle outside and crossed his arms]'' :'''Raphael''': Come on, Leo, get in. :'''Michelangelo''': Let’s go home, bro. ''[Leonardo doesn’t move]'' :'''Raph''': '''Now what!?''' ''[groans]'' :'''Leonardo''': ''[angrily]'' We ''didn't'' finish the job. We blew it. Again! '''We blew it!''' :'''Donatello''': We ''did'' the best we could. At least we stopped half the convoy. :'''Leo''': ''[angrily]'' '''Half'''. We stopped '''half'''. And only because we got lucky. ''[and looks at his brothers and Casey]'' Is that good enough for you? Is it!? We're always one step behind. We ''act'' like a bunch of '''amateurs'''! How many more times are we gonna get beaten before you guys '''wise up and realize''' <big><big>'''this isn't a game!?'''</big></big> ''[turns around and storms off alone]'' :'''Raph''': ''[stands up and flips the switch to close the back doors]'' I hate to admit it, but he ''ain't'' wrong. : ''[Donatello starts the Battle Shell and drives away, Casey walks up next to him]'' :'''Casey''': Hey, Donny, drive by the cemetery, will ya’? I got an important stop I need to make. <hr width=50%/> :''[Morning came as Donatello, Raphael and Michelangelo wait outside at the Battle Shell as Casey enters the cemetery, he walks up to his father’s grave]'' :'''Casey''': Hey, Pops, I brought ya’ something. ''[kneels and places the torn piece of jacket from Hun on the grave, the tombstone has a marker reads “Arnold Casey Jones Sr. Beloved Husband, Father and Friend.”]'' You spoke true, Pop. No matter what, you gotta stand up and do the right thing. But I guess I’m lucky. Even when the odds are against me, I ain’t alone. ''[stands up]'' I got friends. Good friends. :''[The three turtles stand together and watching him as the morning sun rises]'' ==Still Nobody== :'''Nobody''': ''(Narrating)'' Watching over the city, I have learned the sad truth that violence begins violence. They say nobody can break the cycle. That nobody cares. Nobody can do anything about it. Nobody tries to change things and they're right. Because I'm still Nobody and I do care. I will try to change things. I will make a difference. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': Don't stop. Mikey, you left your shell cell on. :'''Michelangelo''': I'm sorry mister 'I'm going to pump you up' Leonardo, but I didn’t know we'd be doing a pull-up marathon. ''[Donatello pops him on the back of the head.]'' Ow! :'''Raphael''': Whoa, Don. Don't smack Mikey. ''[He pops Michelangelo.]'' That's my job. :'''Michelangelo''': Hey! Do I look like a piñata? :'''Donatello''': ''[to Michelangelo]'' Just answer your phone. :'''Michelangelo''': Talk to the turtle. ''[They all continue the pull-ups.]'' Hey, long time no hear. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. No problem. We'll be there. :'''Raphael''': ''[to Michelangelo]'' Who was it? :'''Michelangelo''': Nobody. <hr width=50%/> :'''Fang''': Yes, Master Hun? :'''Hun''': Scratch Jencko and his Turks off of our list of possible recruits, and see if you can retrieve any of the hardware we sold that punk. ''[The limo arrives in front of the “Oroku Saki Memorial Library”.]'' Seems a shame to waste it. :''[Hun steps out of the limo.]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[Inside, people are milling about, talking to one another. Karai steps up to the podium in front of a large, draped object. Reporters begin taking pictures as the crowd quiets down.]'' :'''Karai''': Thank you all for coming to this dedication of the new Oroku Saki Memorial Library. One final gift from my late father to the city that he loved. ''[The drape is pulled off of a huge statue of Oroku Saki. Everyone applauds.]'' It is a great honor to dedicate my life to carrying on my father’s humanitarian efforts, even though he is gone, taken from us too soon. <hr width=50%/> :'''Hun''': ''(sarcastic)'' Lovely party, Karai. :'''Karai''': Hun. I did not expect to see you at this dedication. :'''Hun''': ''[stands up]'' Explain something to me, Karai! You do all this in the name of the Shredder. ''He'' was a alien slug! How could you have known that and still serve him?! :'''Karai''': The Shredder gave me a life. He was my father, and I vow in his name, and I will hunt down those who destroyed him and make them pay with their lives! ==All Hallows Thieves== :'''Raphael''': ''(Narrating)'' Halloween in New York City. One of my favorite times of the year. A day where no matter how odd, how freaky, or scary you might be, you fit in with everyone else. A day when girls and boys all over the city dress as their favorite monsters and heroes and get free candy. A day when even a teenage mutant ninja turtle can walk around in the open. Of course, some Halloweens are filled with more tricks than treats. Maybe this year, we should've stayed home and rented scary movies. ==Samurai Tourist== :'''Miyamoto Usagi''': ''(Narrating)'' The paths we walk in life are different for each of us. Some walk the land without a care in the world while some choose to take on burdens that would crush the spirits of most. The land cares little of which path you choose. But its inhabitants are another matter entirely. Clearly, this is not our land. Gennosuke and I came to visit old friends, but I fear now that our presence has done more harm than good. <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> :'''Splinter''': Thank you, Miyamoto Usagi. When I asked you to come, I hoped you could reach him, but I fear my son is now traveling down a difficult path. A path it seems he must travel alone. :'''Usagi''': I wish you good luck, Master Splinter. Farewell, my friends. ''[pushes Kojima into the portal.]'' :'''Gennosuke''': So long boys! ''[chuckling]'' :''[Gennosuke follows Usagi into the portal. Suddenly...]'' :'''Michelangelo''': ''[scream, appears on the upper landing.]'' Stop him! Don’t let him go! :'''Donatello''': Mikey? ''[The portal vanishes.]'' :'''Raphael''': What now, shell for brains? :'''Michelangelo''': My Silver Sentry comics. Gen, he-- he took ‘em. All of ‘em. '''No!''' ==The Ancient One== * This marks the debut appearance of the Ancient One. <hr width=50%/> :'''[[w:Leonardo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Leonardo]]''': ''(Narrating)'' I've traveled thousands of miles looking for an answer, only to wind up here, halfway across the world in the middle of nowhere, battling it out with four nasty creatures, more ghosts than man, but who's steel is all too real. Meanwhile, my traveling companion, some gross slob who attached himself to me like a bloated tick, doesn't do a thing to help out. He just sits there, grinning like a fool, leaving me to fight for both our lives. I've journeyed all across the world in search for answers, and instead, all I'm gonna get is my head chopped off. <hr width=50%/> :''[The episode begins inside the turtles’ lair, as Leonardo and Splinter spar.]'' :'''Leonardo''': I already told you, I’m fine. :'''Master Splinter''': You are sure?! :''[Michelangelo lowers his comic book and grimaces.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Nothing’s the matter, Sensei. Why do you keep asking me that?! :'''Master Splinter''': So much anger. The unopened bottle will burst when its internal pressure becomes too much to bear. ''[Donatello spots Raphael at the weight bench.]'' For months now you have been brooding, surly, and stubborn. :''[Donatello appears worried.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Yeah, right. :''[Donatello and Raphael glance at one another. Shift to Splinter and Leonardo, who are sparring with swords.]'' :'''Master Splinter''': You have not been yourself. You must release what festers within you. Your family will help you, Leonardo. It is important that we be open with one another. :''[Leonardo attacks and manages to disarm Splinter. He then angrily confronts his father.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Open?! Okay, this Katana lesson stinks! I've mastered this years ago! '''YEARS AGO'''!! :'''Master Splinter''': ''[stares at him and then retrieves the sword.]'' It is not the students choice to say when a lesson is learned. ''[He attacks.]'' The student’s place is to listen and learn. :''[The sparring grows fierce and the other turtles gather to watch.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Something tells me the cork’s about to pop on that unopened bottle. :'''Raphael''': That hothead. ''[Donatello and Michelangelo look at him]'' I hate it when Leo reminds me of me. :'''Leonardo''': I've already mastered this lesson! ''[shoves Splinter.]'' And yesterday's lesson! And the lesson before that! '''WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO TEACH ME''' ''[disarms Splinter.]'' '''SOMETHING I DON'T ALREADY KNOW?!!!''' ''[slashes at Splinter and slices his head. The other turtles run to their father as he drops to one knee and grabs his head.]'' :'''Donatello''': Master Splinter! :'''Michelangelo''': Are you okay? ''[Leonardo drops his sword.]'' :'''Raphael''': Leo! What the shell is your problem!? :'''Leonardo''': ''[shoves past Raphael]'' Master! ''[and Donatello]'' Master, I’m so sorry. I-I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just… I just lost control. ''[He hangs his head.]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[Later, Master Splinter kneels in his room, which is candle lit. There is a bandage on his head. Leonardo stands in the doorway.]'' :'''Splinter''': Sit down, my son. :''[Leonardo enters, slides the door shut, and kneels before his father.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Master, I-I don’t know what to say. :'''Splinter''': Say nothing, listen. We were all badly wounded in our final confrontation with the Shredder. Your brothers and I have healed, but you have not. I have meditated long and hard on this matter, and now realize that you are correct. :'''Leonardo''': Huh? :'''Splinter''': It is time for you to move on. It is time for you to study with a new sensei. :'''Leonardo''': But-but, Master, I don’t want a new sensei. I’m happy here with you. ''[Donatello, Michelangelo and Raphael are listening at the door.]'' I know there’s so much more that you can teach me. :'''Splinter''': No, my son. It is as it must be. ''[Both stand and Splinter goes to the shelves on his back wall.]'' Now, there is but one master in all the world that I would entrust my son’s well-being to. He is wise, honorable, and highly skilled. He is called the Ancient One, ''[He looks at a picture of Hamato Yoshi.]'' and he was the sensei to my sensei, Hamato Yoshi. You must make a pilgrimage, a pilgrimage halfway across the world. :'''Leonardo''': But, Sensei… :'''Splinter''': Come, let us prepare you for your journey. <hr width=50%/> :''[He pushes Leonardo back and swings at him. As Leonardo fights, he has a flashback to Donatello, aboard Shredder’s starship during [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 3)|Exodus part 2]], as the engine starts to overload.]'' :'''Donatello''': Help me! I’m hurt! ''[echoes]'' :'''Michelangelo''': We’re not gonna make it! Leo, help me! ''[echoes]'' :'''Raphael''': Leo, the Shredder’s coming for us! You gotta do something! ''[echoes]'' :'''Splinter''': Save us, Leonardo! We are all counting on you, my son. ''[echoes]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Ancient One''': If there was nothing more you could have done, why do you punish yourself so? :'''Leonardo''': I finally understand. ''[He turns and walks back to the short man and then drops to one knee.]'' Ancient One. I am honored. :'''Ancient One''': Took you long enough, Leonardo. <hr width=50%/> :'''Ancient One''': Now, Leonardo, tell an old man just what it is you think you have learned. ''[hands a bowl to Leonardo.]'' :'''Leonardo''': I guess I’ve been… I’ve been obsessed with failing. I hardened my heart like a rock; wrapped up inside my own shell. Trying to be perfect; thinking I wasn’t good enough, that I needed to be better. So angry… so…. ''[The Ancient One raps him on the head with a bamboo stick.]'' Ow! What? :'''Ancient One''': Too many words. Explain simply. :'''Leonardo''': I’ve been my own worst enemy. :'''Ancient One''': Much better. Now, relax and enjoy your tea, and let me tell you a tale of Master Yoshi. Yoshi found himself at a crossroads, not dissimilar to your own. ==Scion of the Shredder== * [[w:Karai (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Karai]] assumes the legacy of her adopted Utrom father and becomes the new Shredder and the Ninja Turtles' sworn enemy, especially toward Leo. <hr width=50%/> :'''Donatello''': ''(Narrating)'' I've been worried a lot lately. For starters, I'm worried about the Foot. They're back... and they're tougher than ever. And... I'm worried about my brother, Leonardo. He's on a quest to parts unknown, and I'm worried he's not gonna find what he's been looking for. But mostly... I'm worried that Leo won't find us alive when he gets back. Master Splinter tells me that I worry too much. Okay, you tell me. Should I be worried? <hr width=50%/> :''[The episode opens inside the turtles’ lair. Raphael is working out on his punching bag. Donatello is strapped into a harness, suspended over the Shell Sub where he is doing some welding. Michelangelo is seated on the couch with Klunk next to him. He is stacking playing cards while Master Splinter looks on.]'' :'''Splinter''': That is an impressive edifice, Michelangelo. Dare I ask how many hours you have spent building it? :'''Michelangelo''': Good question, Sensei. Hey, Raph, what time is it? :'''Raphael''': Like I wear a watch? How should I know? Hey, Donny, what time is it? :'''Donatello''': Beats me. Ask Leo. ''[He cuts off the welding torch and his brothers stop what they are doing. Splinter lowers his head with a sigh.]'' Sorry. Leo’s been gone more than two months and I still forget he’s not here. :'''Raphael''': Master Splinter, when’s that bum coming back anyway? :''[Donatello and Raphael walk over to join the others.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': And is Leo coming back normal, or like, more normal? ‘Cause before he left he was acting kinda, you know... ''[He twirls a finger next to his temple and Raphael slaps the back of his head.]'' Ow! Hey! :'''Splinter''': I do not know, my sons. Leonardo is on a pilgrimage to find the Ancient One, and to find answers. Such things are beyond time. :'''Donatello''': Well, I miss having him around. :'''Splinter''': As do we all. We must have faith that he will return when he is ready. <hr width=50%/> :'''Ancient One''': Leonardo, your family is in grave danger. :'''Leonardo''': What?! ''[jumps up and leaps over to join the Ancient One, who nods at him.]'' I understand, Sensei. <hr width=50%/> :'''Michelangelo''': Um, what is that? :''[The turtles pull their weapons. Klunk curls around Michelangelo’s ankle.]'' :'''Raphael''': Whatever it is, it’s coming through the front door! :''[The banging continues and the heavily fortified lair entrance bulges. The lair shakes and stones fall. The door shifts to one side and a brace rips loose, then the door falls. Splinter and the turtles rush towards the ramp and watch as two huge Foot mechs, called Shrednauts, crash through the wall and enter the lair. The Shrednauts pause and Foot ninja run into the lair.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': What the...? The Foot! :'''Donatello''': But how? How did ''they'' find us? :'''Raphael''': Don’t matter how they found us, they found us. Now let’s kick the shell out of ‘em! ''[He rushes to meet some advancing ninja.]'' '''Get... out... of... my house!!''' <hr width=50%/> :'''Raphael''': Oh, shell! :'''Donatello''': No way! It can’t be him! :'''Michelangelo''': Master Splinter, any chance this is just another mystical attack? :'''Splinter''': No, my son, this is real. All too real. :'''Donnie''': The Shredder! But, the Utroms sentenced him to exile. :'''Raph''': Yeah? Well, it didn’t take. :''[The dust around the Shredder swirls and then the four Foot Elite appear.]'' :'''Karai''': Oroku Saki is gone, thanks to you, but the Shredder lives on! ''[She removes her helmet to reveal herself.]'' :'''Donnie''': Karai! :'''Splinter''': So the daughter of Oroku Saki has become the Shredder. Why? :'''Karai''': Honor demands it, Splinter-san. After you helped the vile Utroms exile my father, I vowed to avenge his honor! :'''Splinter''': You dare speak of honor!? Your father murdered my Master Yoshi! Your father had no honor! :'''Karai''': You will pay for your lie! ''All of you!!'' Where is Leonardo?! :'''Raph''': He ain't here. :'''Mikey''': You know, you just missed him, but if you leave right now, we'll tell him that you stopped by. :'''Karai''': You mock me. The fact that you still live mocks me!! ''[She dons the helmet.]'' That all ends now! ''Destroy them!'' Leave no one alive. <hr width80%> :'''Splinter''': Master Yoshi's orb. ''[Karai brakes it]'' No!! :'''Karai''': Your sons destroyed my father! Now I will repay them in kind! ''I'' begged Leonardo to let him go, but ''he'' would not listen to reason!! :'''Splinter''': It is ''you'' who has been blinded to ''reason!'' Oroku Saki was a murderer! But ''you'' will ''not'' allow yourself to see the truth!! :'''Karai''': I see clearly, rat! and you will pay for what you have done to me! :'''Splinter''': I reached out to you! I hoped that you would turn away from evil, but I can see now that has consumed you!! You are faster than your father. I will give you that, but your dark heart will betray you, just as his did! :'''Karai''': You are not even worthy to speak of my father, rodent!! I will silence your treacherous tongue once and for all!! <hr width80%> :'''Raph''': Donnie, you take Master Splinter with you. We split up, get out, and hook back up again topside. Got it? ''[They jump as a Shrednaut strikes the ledge they were on.]'' Now let’s go! And guys, be careful. <hr width80%> :''[Meanwhile, Karai is still inside the lair.]'' :'''Karai''': In the name of Oroku Saki, ''Find them!!'' They must not be allowed to live. ''[The Foot bow to her and run to do her bidding.]'' And tear this filthy place apart, Leave nothing standing! :''[The Shrednauts begin firing, taking down support pillars and blasting the ceiling with missiles. Karai laughs as the turtles’ home is destroyed.]'' <hr width80%> :''[To the river, where Donatello, piloting the Shell Sub, is trying to shake his pursuers. The Foot fire torpedoes.]'' :'''Donatello''': Hold on, Master Splinter. :''He pulls back hard on the steering column and the Shell Sub goes straight up. The torpedoes hit each other and explode. The Foot manage to get in front of him and one fires his torpedoes, scoring a direct hit on the underbelly of the Shell Sub. The sub flips over, water beginning to drip into the interior.'' :'''Donatello''': I don’t have enough firepower to fight all of them. Unless… ''[glances at a set of controls.]'' Hang on, Master Splinter. I’ve got an idea. :''[He presses a set of buttons and the Shell Sub rights itself. Torpedoes launch and fire directly into the river bottom, where they raise a dust cloud. Donatello manages to keep the sub upright and land it at the center of the dust cloud. River bottom dirt covers the sub as it settles on the bottom. The Foot converge on the spot where it went down. Inside, Donatello forces open the door and water floods into the cabin. He gives the diving gear to Splinter and then takes a deep breath before kicking a gear and then swimming out of the sub. Suddenly, the Shell Sub emerges and shoots straight upwards. Donatello and Splinter peek up out of the dirt to watch the Foot go after it and fire multiple torpedoes, all of which hit the sub. It explodes, and the remains sink to the river bottom.]'' :'''Underwater Foot Ninja''': Mistress Karai, Donatello and the rat have been destroyed. :'''Karai''': ''[on radio]'' Excellent. Most excellent. :''[The Foot leave. Donatello and Splinter pass the breathing mask back and forth as they swim for the surface.]'' <hr width80%> :''[Michelangelo punches through a wall with the Tunneler and enters the subway tunnels. He drives straight across tracks and drills through another wall to reach another sewer tunnel, with the Shrednaut in hot pursuit. he opens the door]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Hang on, Klunk! ''[jumps out of the Tunneler and dives for cover in the side tunnel. The Tunneler speeds away with the Shrednaut in pursuit. The Shrednaut fires several missiles and hits the Tunneler, which rolls over and crashes.]'' :'''Foot Technician''': Foot Mech Four to Base. Michelangelo is finished. :'''Karai''': ''[on radio]'' Excellent. :''[Michelangelo runs away from the area, carrying Klunk with him.]'' <hr width80%> :'''Karai''': ''[Cut to an overhead view of the city.]'' All that remains is Leonardo. ==Prodigal Son== * Leo becomes less trustful towards Karai since this episode. However, he still appears to have feelings for her as he spared her life. <hr width80%> :'''[[w:Karai (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Karai]]''': ''(Praying)'' Honorable father, though you are imprisoned among the stars, I bring you news that will set free your soul. I, your humble daughter, Karai, discovered the lair of your most hated enemies and led a full Foot attack force against them. Utterly defeated, all they could was flee. Donatello and the rat we left destroyed at the bottom of the river. Michelangelo tried to burrow his way into safety, but he could not dig deep enough to escape my wrath. And Raphael was blown to smithereens in the turtles' own Battle Shell. All that remains is Leonardo, father, and once I find him, then you will truly and forever be avenged! <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': Man! I really missed this old place. ''[sees the ruins of the Lair]'' Oh no, the lair!! ''[strips off his coat and draws a katana before entering.]'' No!! What happened here!? ''[picks up a broken Shell Cell, looks around, and continues on, finding that the lair has almost been completely destroyed. Poised on a ledge above, a Shrednaut’s lights come on. It captures Leonardo’s presence in its view screen and jumps down in front of him. The Foot Technician inside the Shrednaut opens fire, but Leonardo leaps to safety and pulls his second sword.]'' '''You dare come into my home and do this?!!''' ''[jumps at the control pod where the Technician sits and slices into it, causing the Shrednaut to tumble backwards and power down. Leonardo then slices open the harness which holds the Technician in his seat. Leonardo spots the emblem on the Technician’s shirt.]'' The Foot. ''[grabs the Technician by the shirt front and lifts him.]'' '''My family, where are they?!!''' :'''Foot Technician''': You’ll get nothing from me! :''[He presses a button and sparks begin to fly from the Shrednaut’s body. Leonardo leaps away and the Technician flees the machine. Leonardo races out of the lair as the Shrednaut overloads and explodes. The explosion sends Leonardo flying partway down the tunnel, but he is unhurt.]'' :'''Leonardo''': I need some answers. <hr width=50%/> :'''April O'Neil''': ''[from her warning note]'' Leo, I'm so sorry. I not sure what to say, the others are... Karai said she got them all. ''She'' left this. She says your next. Be careful. :'''Leonardo''': No! It can't be! Karai is ''lying!'' They’re alive, I know it! <hr width=50%/> :''[At the Foot Headquarters. A helicopter comes in for a landing and Karai steps out. A Foot ninja meets her and delivers a report.]'' :'''Foot Ninja''': Mistress Karai, we just received the report. The Shrednaut unit stationed in the turtles’ lair was destroyed. :'''Karai''': Leonardo. Deploy all available Foot ninja. Search the city. ''Destroy him!'' ''[The ninja bows and leaves.]'' This night my beloved father will truly be avenged! <hr width=50%/> :''[Leonardo enters an abandoned building through the broken skylight. Behind him, Donatello sees only a shadowed form and draws his bō. Hearing the sound, Leonardo draws a sword and spins around.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Donny? It’s me. :'''Donatello''': Ah, Leo. ''[limps towards his brother.]'' You’re back! :''[They shake hands in greeting.]'' :'''Leonardo''': You okay? :'''Splinter''': My son. :'''Leonardo''': Master Splinter. ''[His father comes out of the shadows, holding his side.]'' I knew it. I knew you were both alive. Don’t worry, Sensei, everything’s gonna be okay. I promise. :'''Donatello''': Oh man, it’s good to see you, bro’. :'''Leonardo''': We have to get both of you out of here before any more Foot show up. <hr width=50%/> :''[Cut to a long range view of {{w|Belvedere Castle}}. A manhole cover slides into place on a trail in {{w|Central Park}}. In the tunnels below, Leonardo leads the way, illuminating their path with his flashlight.]'' :'''Leonardo''': We need to find a safe place for you two to rest and recuperate. Some place far from the old lair. ''[He brushes the dirt off of a sign which reads “Reservoir Pump Station”. Following the arrow on the sign, the trio find a boarded up entrance. he removes the boards and then opens the metal door. He flashes the light around before descending a short set of stairs onto a metal catwalk. The space is huge, with catwalks leading in several directions.]'' This oughta do for now. :'''Donatello''': This must be one of the earlier pumping stations for the reservoir. I think I’ve seen it on some of the old city planning. ''[He looks around at the expansive space and whistles.]'' Very nice! :'''Splinter''': Leonardo, now that Donatello and I are safe… :'''Leonardo''': I’m already on it, Master Splinter. I’ll find them. ''[He races out of the station.]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Raphael''': I ''can't'' believe Karai did this to '''''us!''''' I can't believe ''she'' and the Foot tooked '''''our home!''''' :'''Leonardo''': Listen, Raph, nothing is permanent. We have to flow with change. :'''Master Splinter''': Perhaps Leonardo has learned a thing or two from the Ancient One. ''[He and Leonardo look at one another.]'' Yes, I can see it in your eyes. I have my son back. And I can see something else in your eyes. Please be careful, my son. She will be well guarded, and her skills are much improved. :'''Leonardo''': So are mine, sensei. I’ll be fine, I promise. Now, get some rest. I’m gonna go get some food and supplies. I’ll be back. :'''Raphael''': Hey, Leo, bring back some sodas or something. :'''Michelangelo''': And some pizza and Chinese food ''[Klunk meow]'' and some kibble. <hr width=50%/> :''[Karai is inside the Oroku Saki Memorial Library in full Shredder armor, sans the helmet. She approaches Oroku Saki’s statue, kneels and removes the covering from a katana. This she places in the stand which is at the feet of the statue. As soon as she sets the sword in place, the “Sewer Sweet Sewer” plaque whips through the air and impales the sword stand.]'' :'''Leonardo''': ''[coldly]'' Hello, Karai. Got your message. :'''Karai''': I am impressed. Security here is very tight, yet here you are, undetected. :''[Leonardo hops down and takes up a defensive posture.]'' :'''Leonardo''': So, you are the new Shredder? :''[Karai places the helmet on her head and turns.]'' :'''Karai''': Yes. ''[draws her sword]'' And I am your doom! :''[Leonardo pulls one of his swords as well.]'' :'''Leonardo:''' You have gone too far this time, Karai!! :'''Karai:''' Not far enough! Not until you lie broken and battered at my feet! Only then will my father truly be avenged! Make no mistake, Leonardo, son of Splinter, hated enemy of my father. Your path ends here! :''[leaps at him and he rushes to meet her attack. Their swords clash and they push against each other.]'' :'''Leonardo:''' I remember when we first met, Karai! We fought side by side and I said you were nothing like the Shredder! ''[He falls back, pulling her down and rolling until she is on her back and he is standing over her.]'' I thought you understood honor, but I was wrong! ''You're exactly like him!! You understand '''nothing!!''''' :''[She kicks him off, but he does a handspring and regains his feet. Leonardo catches her sword on his and quickly disarms her, sending her sword flying onto the arms of the statue. She takes a swing at him, but he ducks and pulls her second sword from her belt.]'' :'''Karai''': No, you will pay. You must pay! ''[She tries to slash him with her Tekkō-kagi, but he ducks. Karai squats and launches the weighted end of her Manriki-gusari at him. It wraps around the handle of her stolen sword and she flips backwards, her weight pulling the weapon from his hand. She throws the sword behind her and drops the hook end of the Manriki-gusari into her other hand. Spinning it, she charges and throws the weapon. Leonardo pulls his second katana, leaps, and slices through the chain.]'' No! I must have my revenge! ''[She runs but Leonardo pursues. As she turns, he flips through the air at her, slicing several times. Karai’s helmet falls into several pieces, shocking her.]'' :'''Leonardo:''' Your own anger defeats you, Karai. ''[stands with his back to her.]'' You remind me of a Turtle I used to know. :'''Karai:''' ''[takes a couple of steps back, and grabs the communication device from her belt.]'' Security to the library… ''[Before she can finish, Leonardo slashes across the device, destroying it. As it falls, Leonardo, who has gotten behind her, places his katana near her head. He taps on her shoulder with the sword and she drops to her knees.]'' Go ahead. Do it! Finish me! :'''Leonardo:''' No. ''[Still kneeling, Karai turns as he sheathes his swords.]'' I'm giving you one last chance to do the right thing, Karai. Don't waste it. ''[walks over to Saki’s statue.]'' And Karai, ''[leaps]'' ''stay away [grabs Saki’s sword] from my '''family!!''''' ''[slashes at the statue and tosses the sword so that it sticks into the floor in front of Karai. As he races away]'' :''[The statue’s head falls, having been sliced away from the body. It bounces and rolls across the floor, coming to a stop in front of Karai. Suddenly the room is flooded with Foot ninjas.]'' :'''Foot Ninja''': Mistress Karai! Is everything all right?! :''[Karai looks up to see two of the upper window panels flapping in the breeze.]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[Leonardo returns to the new lair carrying a duffel bag.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Did someone mention food? ''[takes two containers from the bag.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Chinese food for breakfast? ''[He and Donatello both catch a container.]'' Works for me. :''[Kneeling, Leonardo hands a container of food to Raphael and then stands to walk over to Splinter.]'' :'''Leonardo''': I’ve checked it out and this seems like a safe place, Master Splinter. We could stay here, maybe even fix it up a bit. :'''Splinter''': It is as the great sage, Shinto Sakamoto said, home is where you hang your hat. :''[Leonardo kneels before him and takes an ornate walking stick from his bag.]'' :'''Leonardo''': This walking stick is said to have come from a very ancient and mystic tree. ''[He presents the stick to Splinter, who takes it from him.]'' I got it with the Ancient One. I’ve carried it all this way for you. :'''Splinter''': Ah, a very gracious gift. ''[They bow to one another.]'' Thank you, Leonardo. Welcome home. ==Outbreak== :'''Agent Bishop''': ''(Narrating)'' For too long, our world, our history, has been influenced by extraterrestrial threats. I know this all too well. My purpose has always been clear: Defend against the threat. Rebuild humanity to resist invasion. It hasn't always been easy. There are tough choices that need to be made. Someone has to stop this alien plague. It was a vow I made long ago. And I intend to keep it. <hr width=50%/> :'''Michelangelo''': Ugh. Next time I’ll take lookout duty. :'''Raphael''': Great. More of Karai's Foot ninja. We should be out hunting them, not the other way around. :'''Leonardo''': We’ll handle Karai, Raph, but on our terms, not hers. We’ll handle whatever comes our way. <hr width=50%/> :'''Raphael''': You okay, bro’? ''[helps Donatello up.]'' :'''Donatello''': Thanks. :'''Michelangelo''': Don, Raph, watch out! :''[They turn to see several tentacles shooting towards them. Raphael shoves Donatello out of the way.]'' :'''Raphael''': Move! :''[Raphael avoids the tentacles, but one of the spikes strikes Donatello’s thigh.]'' :'''Donatello''': Oh! :''[Raphael pins the tentacle with his sai.]'' :'''Donatello''': My leg. :'''Raphael''': You okay? :'''Donatello''': Yeah, just a nick. Uh, thanks again. ==Trouble with Augie== * This marks the only appearance of Professor August O'Neil, an uncle of [[w:April O'Neil|April O'Neil]] and is the only appearance of Robyn O'Neil, a sister of April. <hr width=50%/> :'''April O'Neil''': ''(Narrating)'' The man in the hat is my uncle Augie. Uncle Augie didn't just teach me math and science, he taught me to love them. If it wasn't for him, I never would've have gotten my college degree in math. Uncle Augie was always coming and going, off on adventures, but we made the most of our time together. Then one day, uncle Augie just disappeared and he never came back. I'd give anything to see my uncle Augie again. I know he's alive and somehow, someway, I'm going to find him. <hr width=50%/> :'''Mikey''': Especially since Karai the new miss Shredder showed up at your shop. ==Insane in the Membrane== * This marks the only appearance of Baxter Stockman's mother in flashbacks. <hr width=50%/> :''[Montage of Stockman's accomplishments accompanied by his voice over]'' :'''[[w:Baxter Stockman|Baxter Stockman]]''': ''(Narrating)'' Once, long ago, I, Dr. Baxter Stockman, was a whole man. With a brilliant mind and an able body! In the scientific community, I was unequalled! Throughout the world, I was renowned, revered, worshipped! But it all went wrong, horribly, horribly wrong. My genius fell under the control of cruel-minded brutes. :''[Flashback of Shredder ordering Hun to drag Stockman away.]'' :'''Baxter Stockman''': No, '''NOOOOOOOOOO!''' :''[We see Hun, from Stockman's POV, thrusting a saw in his face, and the image shatters as it makes contact. A montage of Stockman's various injuries plays until we see him as just a brain in a jar]'' :'''Baxter Stockman''': ''(Narrating)'' They whittled me away, piece by piece, limb by limb, until I was reduced to nearly nothing. ''[Stockman, in his deteriorated form, approaches the camera menacingly]'' But those simpletons aren't to blame. I finally know who's responsible for my downfall, and now, with my new body, I will finally have my revenge! <hr width=50%/> :'''Baxter Stockman''': [Driven to madness and desperation] This experiment is a catastrophe. (As he slams his hands on the floor which it cracks) Uh! HOW could I have been so stupid? Why was I in such a rush? Why didn't I listen to agent Bishop? [Rips off his lab coat in rage] WHY?! Why am I a failure, my whole life?! Oh, mama. I made such promise. (Reminiscing) Where did it all go wrong?! Where? ''[The scene turns red and blue as all of Stockman's enemies appear in his mind, reminscing his time with them. First, we cut to Shredder and some Baxter's injuries.]'' A horrible degradation at the hands of the Shredder. ''[Cut to Hun, who looks grumpily at camera with Purple Dragons behind his back.]'' His horrific bug, Hun! ''[Cut to the turtles]'' And those despicable turtles! No! No! [Camera pans to April, who points at something and then...] Before then… It was her! I trusted her and ''she'' betrayed me! ''[Cut to the turtles (in shadows) and April. Raphael is seen kicking robot Stockman.]'' SHE brought in those turtles and ruined everything, my glorious mousers failed because of her and that failure is what brought the Shredder's wrath down upon me! Yes! She's responsible, ''she'' did this to me. (He picks up the whole table, throws at machinery and brakes) And ''she'' is the one who will pay!! <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> :'''Casey Jones''': He just busted in he knocked me out when I woke up they were gone, all I remember is him saying something about going back to where this all started. :'''Raphael''': Where it all started? :'''Leonardo''': Stocktronics, ''[To Stockman continues to carry April to his old lab building now abandoned, offscreen]'' the lab where he and April first worked together it has to be. <hr width=50%/> :'''Mrs. Stockman''': Baxter, ''[coughing]'' I'm sorry baby doll Mama's just worn out, I guess this old body just can't take it, I so wanted to see you grow up and be a fine man, I did ''[coughing]'' Remember the sky's the limit for you boy, I love you Baxter. ''[dies]'' :'''Young Baxter Stockman''': No, Mama! Don't leave me. Mama! Mama! <hr width=50%/> :'''Leo''': Let her go, Stockman! :'''Baxter Stockman''': April? You, you betrayed me! :'''Donnie''': Run, April! Get out of here! :'''Baxter Stockman''': No! She can't leave, I forbid it! :'''Mikey''': You asked for it, Dr. Stockman-Stein! <hr width=50%/> :'''Raph''': There they are! :'''Mikey''': On the cable car! <hr width=50%/> :'''Stockman''': Now we can finally set things right. :'''April''': Doctor Stockman, please don’t this, can you remember when your work helped people when it was about the science? You were a brilliant man the sky was the limit for you Doctor Stockman. :'''Stockman''': ''[starts hallucinating again.]'' Mama? ''[sees April as his mother.]'' :'''Baxter Stockman's mother''': The sky was the limit you were such a good boy, you had so much potential, what happened to you baby doll? ''[sees her as herself again]'' :'''April''': You were someone I admired, someone I respected and you can be again. :'''Baxter Stockman''': Mama what have I done? :''[The coupling of the cable car continues to break]'' :'''April''': Doctor. :''[Stockman hallucinates April as his mother again.]'' :'''Baxter Stockman's mother''': Baxter. :'''April''': Please. :''[The cable car shakes and she trips backwards.]'' :'''Baxter Stockman''': (gasps) Mama, Mama. :'''Casey''': April! :'''Baxter Stockman''': ''[still hallucinates April as his mother]'' Mama. You've got to get off of here, Mama it's not safe. ''[He comes to April and picks her, Casey climbs down the cable and grabs April.]'' Hurry Mama, ''[Casey places his around April and they both look at Stockman]'' hurry! I love you, Mama! I… ''[The coupling brakes from the cable and the cable car falls in to the river]'' I… Ahhh! :''[The slash is heard as April cries over Stockman's "death", the turtles pull the cable getting Casey and April to safety inside the copter.]'' :'''Mikey''': Man, you think that's the end of Stockman? :'''Leo''': We've seen him come back from worse. Only time will tell. :'''Raph''': Well, I say it good riddance! That psycho's giving us nothing, but grief, ever since we met him! :'''Donnie''': I dunno, at least he gave us this neat chopper... sort of. Now, let's just find a place to park it. ==Return of Savanti== ===Part 1 [4.20]=== :'''Donatello''': ''(Narrating)'' My name is Donatello and right now I can't help but think of an old saying: Be careful what you wish for. All my life, I've been fascinated with what they call "terrible lizards" and "thunder beasts". Dinosaurs. But now, amazingly, I got my wish. Here I am in the Cretaceous Period, 65 million years ago, finally seeing them with my own two eyes, while running for my life. So be careful what you wish for, or, just like the dinosaurs, you might find yourself facing sudden extinction. ===Part 2 [4.21]=== :'''Savanti Romero''': ''(Narrating)'' Eons ago, I was on the verge of ultimate power. With the omnipotent Time Scepter, I, Savanti Romero, was going to rule all of time. That is, until Lord Simultaneous thwarted my plan. He turned me into a monster and exiled me from null time to Earth's Middle Ages where he hoped never to hear from me again. But instead, I plotted: Summoning all my magic, I tried again to take the time scepter and use it against Lord Simultaneous. But thanks to the interference of those accursed ninja turtles and that foolish timestress Renet, my victory was denied and Simultaneous exiled me once more, even further in time to Earth's Cretaceous Period, but that did not stop me. Again, I gathered my magic and lured my prey back through time. Savanti Romero will not be denied his revenge. The timestress will pay for her meddling. The time scepter will finally be mine. As for the turtles, they have no idea of the changes that are about to befall them. ==Tale of Master Yoshi== * This marks the only appearance of [[w:Tang Shen|Tang Shen]], and Yukio Mashimi in flashbacks. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' Honor. Integrity. Bushido. These were the ideals that drove Master Splinter's beloved master: Hamato Yoshi. He had traveled far to reach this castle fortress only to find four Foot elite warriors barring his way. But four or four hundred, it mattered not for on this particular night, Yoshi was driven by a powerful force unfamiliar to him. Hatred. Hatred that burned so bright it threatened to destroy him. Hatred born out of the need for revenge. <hr width=50%/> :'''Donatello''': I know! Maybe Leo should tell us about the Ancient One. :'''Raphael''': Yeah, Leo. I want to know the other things you learned on how to kick butt. :'''Leonardo''': Well, I wouldn't know where to start, but there is one story I think you might want to hear... about Master Splinter's master, Hamato Yoshi. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': It's a story about a girl. :'''Raphael''': A girl? Does she kick butt? :'''Master Splinter''': Raphael. Please, continue, Leonardo. :'''Leo''': Okay. Our story begins long ago in the 1960s. Japan was just getting back on its feet. :'''Michelangelo''': After an attack by [[Godzilla]]? :'''Leo''': No. After its defeat in [[w:World War II|World War II]]. It was not uncommon to see young orphaned boys in the streets, begging for food and money. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' So the Ancient One took Yoshi and his friend into his home, and trained them in the ways of ninjitsu, and treated them as if they were his own sons. As they grew into young men, they became closer than brothers, best of friends who do everything together. They even fell in love at the same time, with the same girl - [[w:Tang Shen|Tang Shen]]. They were crazy about her. Tang Shen was also an orphan raised by the Ancient One. It was her loving care that made the Ancient One's house into a home and that often brought unexpected visitors to her kitchen. :'''Tang Shen''': Mashimi, no! :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' But Tang Shen saw a hungry innocent creature and, as always, her first thought was to care for it. She decided to keep the curious rat as a pet. Seeing that Tang Shen had grown fond of the hungry little visitor, Yoshi had built a home for the newest member of their family. Although, Tang Shen had captured both the boys' hearts, it was clear that her heart belonged to only one of them - Yoshi. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' But the Ancient One was dead set against it. :'''Ancient One''': Ha, no. The Guardians are no place for you. You must ''not'' do this. Yoshi, a different destiny awaits you. Neither of you are ready. You need much more training. :'''Yukio Mashimi''': Sensei, we are more than ready. :'''Ancient One''': In body perhaps, but it is your heart and mind that still need training, my son. :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': The Guardians are an honorable force for good, Sensei. I want to help them. :''[Tang Shen peers through the doorway into the dojo.]'' :'''Ancient One''': No. I forbid you to ''join'' the Guardians. ''[leaves]'' That is my ''final'' word. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' Though his friendship with Mashimi began to diminish, Yoshi's bond with Tang Shen grew stronger than ever, but the coils of jealousy were winding tighter and tighter in Mashimi's soul until... something snapped. :''[A crack of thunder is followed by rain. Tang Shen lifts her arms to welcome it.]'' :'''Yukio Mashimi''': Tang Shen! :'''Tang Shen''': Oh, Mashimi, you startled me. ''[?]'' What, what is wrong with you? :''[Inside his dojo the little rat munches on a crumb when the sound of Tang Shen’s scream cuts the air. The Ancient One is nearby and runs for the door.]'' :'''Ancient One''': Tang Shen? ''[runs outside, looking for her.]'' Tang Shen! ''[He then spots her prone form.]'' Oh no! Tang Shen! <hr width=50%/> :'''Shredder''': Secure all the exits. Let none escape. :''[Mashimi, now wearing the garb of the Foot, steps up next to Shredder.]'' :'''Mortu''': Mashini, ''you'' have betrayed ''us!''? :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': Mashimi, why? :'''Yukio Mashimi''': How dare ''you'' ask why! ''You'' betrayed ''me!'' We were like brothers, but you had everything and left me with nothing!! Now I take everything from you, including your life!! <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' Yoshi returned to tell Tang Shen all that had happened, only to find out the horrible truth. :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': Tang Shen!? No! '''NOOOO!!''' ''[echoes]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[at Shen's grave]'' :'''Ancient One''': This is all my fault. I knew Mashimi had a dark streak in his heart. :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': It is not your fault, Master. It is Mashimi's fault and he shall pay with his life!! :'''Ancient One''': Be careful, my son. Vengeance is like a splinter that will poison your mind and heart. <hr width=50%/> :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': Yukio Mashimi, I have come for you! Show yourself, ''traitor!'' :'''Shredder''': ''[sits on his throne.]'' Mashimi. :''[Mashimi steps out in front of the stairs leading up to Shredder’s throne.]'' :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': Mashimi, ''I'' challenge ''you'' to a ''duel'', assassin!! :'''Yukio Mashimi''': A duel!? Ha! You have unknowingly stepped into the lion's den, Yoshi! I do not need to fight you! We outnumber you!! :'''Shredder''': You are mistaken, Yukio Mashimi. You stand alone. Defeat Hamato Yoshi and I will forgive our humiliating retreat from the Utrom base. Only if you defeat Yoshi will I let you live. :'''Yukio Mashimi''': As you wish, Master. ''[walks over to where Yoshi waits and strikes a defensive posture.]'' So, Yoshi, our story comes full circle! It began with the two of us and it will end with just the two of us!! :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': This story will only end with one of us, Mashimi!! <hr width=50%/> :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': Well, little one. I will name you Splinter. And together, we will remind ourselves of Tang Shen. Of her beauty, her kindness, and love. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': Well, I think we all know the rest of the story. :'''Michelangleo''': Man! What a bummer story. :'''Master Splinter''': Perhaps, Michelangelo, but perhaps not. It not for these events, I would never have been brought to New York. :'''Donatello''': And the Utroms would never have had to relocate here either, meaning no ooze. :'''Raphael''': No us. <hr width=50%/> :''[Present Day Japan. The Ancient One approaches a home. Inside, a gate rises and he proceeds down a long flight of stairs. He enters a large chamber, lit by fire sconces mounted around the center of a circular area. He bows.]'' :'''Ancient One''': I have come to plead for the turtles. You must not carry out your designs. :''[From the darkness, a pair of blue eyes light up. It is one of the Ninja Tribunal.]'' :'''Juto-Shisho''': You are too late, Ancient One. :''[From another side, the bright eyes are green.]'' :'''Chikara-Shisho''': We have decided. :''[Yet a third set of eyes, silver in color, appears.]'' :'''Kon-Shisho''': We will judge the turtles’ fate. We will determine whether they will live... :'''Juto-Shisho''': Or how they will meet their end. :''[The Ancient One bows.]'' ==<span style=color:purple>'''The Mutated Era of Donatello'''</span>== ===Adventures in Turtle Sitting=== :'''Leonardo''' ''[narrating]'': Things are not good, and they're getting worse by the second. We could really use good old Donnie right about now. Ever since Bishop's mutant outbreak began, Don's been the one guiding us through this whole mess. Coming up with all the answers. :''[Michelangelo gets hit]'' :'''Raph''': Mikey! :'''Leo''': ''[narrating]'' There have been ''hundreds'' of times we'd've been turtle-waxed... if Don's brains hadn't bailed us out. :'''Leo''': ''[sees Raph getting grabbed a monster]'' Raph! :'''Leo''': ''[narrating]'' It's too bad Don's not here now, because this is definitely one of those times. <hr width=50%/> :'''April''': Now who could that be? [She opens the doors to find the Michelangelo, Leonardo and Raphael standing there.] Guys! Hey, this is...unexpected. Guys! Hey, this is...unexpected. :'''Leonardo''': Sorry, April, but we’re on our way to a possible mutant outbreak at the power plant and— :'''Donatello''': Achoo! ''[groans, leans against the doorframe, looking weak and with dark bags under his eyes.]'' :'''April''': Whoa. Don, you look greener than usual. A lot greener than usual. :'''Donnie''': I know, I-- ''[blows his nose.]'' I've picked up this little bug and I haven't been able to shake it. ''[blows nose]'' I was feeling alright, but I just can't handle mutants right now. :'''Mikey''': Did you figure that out before, or after you barfed in the Battle Shell? :'''Raph''': Mikey! ''[slaps Mikey in the head]'' :'''Mikey''': OW! :'''Raph''': ''Adults'' are talking. April, can you keep an eye on Donnie for us? :'''Donnie''': Achoo! ''[blows his nose.]'' :'''April''': Of course Don can stay here. I mean, we weren’t going anywhere anyway. :'''Casey''': Bro’, you are seriously cramping my style here. :'''Donnie''': Sorry. :'''April''': You guys have been on monster patrol for weeks. What’s the plan, clean up all the mutants in Manhattan? :'''Leo''': Well, no. This outbreak is way more than four turtles can handle. We’re just trying to keep it from spreading. :'''April''': Well, go get ‘em guys. We’ll watch Don. :'''Leo''': Donnie, take it easy bro’. ''[The other turtles depart.]'' :'''Donnie''': Good lu-uh-uh-achoo! Achoo! :'''Casey''': Uh! ''[slaps his forehead as Donatello groans.]'' Come on, sickly mutant ninja turtle, you better lie down before you fall down. ''[helps Donatello lie down on the couch and then covers him with a blanket.]'' There. Comfy? <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': Okay, Mikey, you take the left. Don, you cover me on— :'''Michelangelo''': Uh, Don’s home sick from school today, Leo. :'''Leonardo''': Right. Raph, you cover me on the right. And remember guys, just contain them, do not splatter them. :'''Raphael''': We know the drill. Can't have that cream filling spillin' out, infecting other creatures with their freako DNA. The last thing we need is more genetic rejects. I mean, we've already got Mikey. :''[It's loving brother time!]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[after Donatello mutates]'' :'''April O'Neil''': This is crazy! :'''Casey Jones''': What do we do?! :'''April''': It's Don right? Try talking to him! :'''Casey''': Talk to him, are you nuts!? He's a savage, freaky monster and '''YOU JUST WHACKED HIM IN THE FACE WITH A BROOM!!!''' :''[Casey being the voice of reason]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Stockman''': I-- I don’t understand. What’s happened? What have you done to me? :'''Agent Bishop''': I had your brain recovered from the bottom of New York’s East River after your misguided sabbatical. While I could do without your personality, I do need your brain. The outbreak is getting worse by the minute, and I expect you to use that powerful mind of yours to clean it up. :'''Stockman''': I-- I-- I can’t believe... oh. I can’t believe you brought me back this. Why? Why? [He gets off the table and stands on shaky legs before falling.] Why couldn’t you let me finally rest in peace? Why?! <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': What was that thing? :'''Raphael''': And where’s Don? :'''Michelangelo''': Did that monster get Don? :'''April''': Guys, that monster is Don. :'''Michelangelo''': Say what? :'''April''': That thing you just fought is Don. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leatherhead''': I regret to say... I cannot cure him. :'''Mikey''': What?! NO!! :'''Raphael''': '''MAN, I AM GONNA TAKE BISHOP AND RAM MY FOOT SO FAR...''' :'''Leonardo''': Easy, Raph! We'll find cure, but first we got to capture Don before he hurts himself or anyone else. :''[Raph almost says something inappropriate for kids]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Michelangelo''': Oh ugly, mutated-version-of-my-beloved-brother DONATELLOOOO, where are youuu~?! ''[He hears growling.]'' Donny?! :''[Mutant Donatello appears rounds a turn, sees Michelangelo, and charges.]'' :'''Mikey''': Like, ZOINKS!! :''[Michelangelo dodges a swing, leaps over Donatello’s head, and runs. Donatello chases him. Michelangelo catches onto a hole in the ceiling of the tunnel and one handed swings through into the tunnel above. He turns and looks back, but sees no Donatello. Arming his weapon, he walks back towards the hole. Suddenly Donatello bursts through and Michelangelo screams and runs.]'' :'''Mikey''': Oh, Humna, humna, humna, humna, humna, humna, humna, humna! WHOA! :''[mutant Donatello keeps swinging his fists to Michelangelo, who keeps dodging them by swinging back and forward]'' :'''Mikey''': Now I know how a piñata feels! ''[dodge another fist swing]'' AND I DON'T LIKE IT! Whoa, Don! Come on, quit it! ''[Raph and Leo arrive.]'' A little help here, guys? :'''Raphael''': Whoa, mama! Don’s been taking his vitamins. ''[Donatello punches Michelangelo and flings him down at the feet of his brothers.]'' I’m really sorry about this, Donny! :''[He jumps down in front of Donatello and swings at him with his capture claw weapon.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Remember, this is Don. Do not hurt him! :''[Raphael hops around as Donatello tries to slash him.]'' :'''Raphael''': That’s not gonna be a problem, Leo! :''Donatello straightens and roars. Leonardo kicks his carapace and when Donatello turns, Raphael kicks him. Donatello falls forward onto his hands and knees.'' :'''Leonardo''': Leatherhead, you’re on. :''[Leatherhead leaps out of hiding and runs towards Donatello, who has risen to his feet. Leatherhead plows into him, grabs and lifts him off his feet. Donatello tries to snap at him. Leatherhead shoves him into the containment unit and Michelangelo and Leonardo slam the door shut. Donatello pounds on the glass as his brothers and Leatherhead look on.]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Splinter''': ''[sadly]'' My son. :'''Leatherhead''': I can sympathize. I know what it’s like to be a monster. :'''Raphael''': ''[places his hand on Splinter’s shoulder.]'' Poor Donny. :'''Michelangelo''': What are we gonna do, Leo? :'''Leonardo''': Do? This is Donatello. This is our brother. ''[He flattens a palm on the glass.]'' We’re going to hunt down a cure for him, no matter what it takes. No matter what it takes. ===Good Genes=== ====Part 1 [2.24]==== :'''[[w:Leatherhead (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Leatherhead]]''': ''(Narrating)'' As we fly through the night, I can't help but ponder: intelligence, reason, even simple thought. Most people take these things for granted. I do not. For I know what it's like to be an advanced mind, trapped in the body of a brute... of a monster. But for once, I am not the monster in question. My friend Donatello is one of the gentlest souls I've ever met, with one of the finest minds I've ever known. But now, thanks to the evil agent Bishop, my friend has been transformed into a thoughtless savage. And I fear that the Donatello I know may truly be lost forever. <hr width=50%/> :'''Karai''': Mystics, your master has need of you! :''[Laughter echoes all around her.]'' :'''Water Mystic''': ''[voice-over]'' Our master is the Shredder. Not you, little girl! :''[The Earth Mystic materializes atop of podium.]'' :'''Earth Mystic''': You are nothing but a pretender! like the Utrom abomination before you! :''[The other Mystics appear atop their perches.]'' :'''Karai''': You forget your place, Mystics! You serve me now. I hold the same power over you as my father did! All your talk of ancient power. You live in the past. I am the future and you will obey me. Find the turtle Leonardo! ''He'' must pay for his crimes ''against'' my father! Do you hear me?! ''[turns and walks away.]'' ''Find him!'' ''[exits the room. As the door closes behind her, the Mystics speaks again.]'' :'''Earth Mystic''': Perhaps ''he'' will find you! <hr width=50%/> :'''Leo''': Once we have Bishop, We'll convince him to help Don. :'''Raph''': Leatherhead and I can handle that part of the plan, we can be very convincing. ''[punches hand]'' :'''Michelangelo''': It's Area 51, they probably have a UFO watching us from SPACE! <hr width=50%/> :'''Stockman''': Now open that hunk a' junk. ====Part 2 [2.25]==== :'''Leo''': ''(Narrating)'' A wise man once said: I've got a bad feeling about this. And right now, I know how he feels. Believe it or not, that's my brother Donatello. And right now, he's sick. Really sick. He was scratched by one of Bishop's outbreak mutants, and now he has become a savage, mindless monster. Had it been any of us, we would have looked at Don to save the day. But even with Leatherhead's help, we're no closer to finding a cure. With no other options, we tracked down the one man who might have a cure: the man responsible for the outbreak in the first place: Agent Bishop. Bishop agreed to cure Don, but for a price. Infiltrating Foot central? It's an impossible mission. But what can we do? Our brother is sick. And there's nothing we won't do to save him. Even if it means... making a deal with the devil. <hr width=50%/> :'''Agent Bishop''': Comm systems on, secure channel :'''The Entity''': Ah, Agent Bishop, we are transmitting coordinates to you even as we speak :'''Bishop''': And in return? :'''Entity''': We will let you know, will you be retrieving the artifact yourself? :'''Bishop''': Of cause not, i'll sending in special agents. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leatherhead''': Donatello's condition continues to deteriorate, there's not much time. :'''Master Splinter''': Doctor Stockman, Agent Bisharp told us you have administer the cure to Donatello. :'''Baxter Stockman''': To think I sunk so low that unparalleled genius would be used save the life of these freaks, unfathomable. :'''Leatherhead''': Where is the cure Stockman? :'''Stockman''': I am pulled sweet oblivion for what? this? :'''Leatherhead''': Show us the cure NOW! :'''Stockman''': CURE? you stupid animal, Agent Bishop lied there is no cure. :'''Splinter''': WHAT?! :''[Leatherhead growls and his eyes turn green on Stockman]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Leo''': April come in :'''April''': Go leo :'''Leo''': we've made it to the Foots garbage disposal facility, time for you & Casey to do your thing :'''April''': Casey's heading in to the power station now, stand by :'''Casey''': Hey if we gonna put a computer virus in here to shut down the power, how come you're not going in? :'''April''': Because I don't look like a janitor :'''Casey''': Gee thanks :'''Leo''': Keep us posted April, we're moving into position :'''April''': Roger that :'''Leo''': Well here the fun starts :'''April''': All the buildings garbage go through shoots that led to an incinerator :'''Michelangelo''': We're going in through the furnace, isn't that gonna be hot???? :'''Leo''': It's our only way and that's not all,once through the incinerators we go up a shoots. :'''April''': Which Karai has secured with a deadly grid of lazers :'''Leo''': When the power drops we go up the vent, we gotta beat the emergency-power kicking in :'''Mikey''': Ah, Leo why is the grid still on? :'''Leo''': Casey, April, cut that power or we're turtles flambe. :'''Casey''': I've put in the stupid virus but it ain't working! :'''Leo''': Casey we really need that power out NOW :'''Casey''': Alright, you stupid computers, we're doing this old school, ''[picks up a computer]'' GOONGALA!!! ''[throws computer]'', Woo hoo :'''Leo''': Grids' down <hr width=50%/> :'''Karai''': Find out what's going on . . . Leonardo is here, but why?, why would he come here? <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': Good work Casey we're in, April go the phase 3: get to the copter :'''April O'Neil''': On it :'''Leo''': remember we get what we need and get out, Ralph you know what you have to do, Mikey you're with me, let's go <hr width=50%/> :'''Metal Mystic''': Everything goes as planned my brothers. :'''Earth Mystic''': Soon we all be free! <hr width=50%/> :''[About the mystic Heart of Tengu]'' :'''Karai''': No!! Give that to me!! You do not know what you are doing!! <hr width=50%/> :'''Karai''': You cannot take that! :'''Leonardo''': Watch me!! <hr width=50%/> :'''Karai''': No! ''[runs towards them.]'' Leonardo, face me!! :''[Leonardo turns and draws a sword, but Michelangelo catches him by the arm.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Get in, Get out, right? It's not about Karai, right? :'''Leo''': ''[sheathes his katana.]'' Right. :''[They climb onto the rubble piled in front of the hole in the wall.]'' :'''Karai''': Stop them! Someone stop them!! :''[All three turtles jump. Karai and her Foot Elite reach the opening, but can only watch as the turtles climb up a ladder dangling from the helicopter.]'' :'''Karai''': No! No! ''[drops to her knees.]'' No-o! ''[echoes]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Don''': ''[Emerges from a cloud of mist, cured]'' Hey guys, what's up? ''[collapses into Leatherhead's arms]'' :'''Leatherhead''': I have you, my friend. :'''Michelangelo, Raphael and Leonardo''': All right! Donny! Welcome back! It’s so good to see you again! <hr width=50%/> :'''Master Splinter''': Welcome back, my son. :'''Don''': I hope you guys didn't go through too much trouble for me. (Did you?) :''[Everyone is silent]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Nah. ==Ninja Tribunal== * This is the Season 4 finale. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' You know, if there's one thing I've learned being a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, is to always expect the unexpected. But with all of our training, and all of our hard work, I'd like to think that we're ready for anything. But sometimes, the unexpected is just a little too... unexpected. <hr width=50%/> :'''Raphael''': Yeah, no offense Donnie, but you weren't too much fun when you were... sick. :'''Michelangelo''': Fun?! He was a monster. An absolutely, horrible, drooling big nasty-fanged monster! You tried to eat my leg! <hr width=50%/> :'''Michelangelo''': Are we sure that Donnie's all better? See the full moon, Donnie? Do you feel the monster inside? The monster taking control?! 'MWAHAHAHA!!!! :'''Donatello''': Oh no. I'm- I'm changing! '''RAAAAGGGHH!''' :'''Mikey''': AAAAHHH! HELP ME! HELP ME! HE'S TRYING TO EAT MY LEG AGAIN! AAAAAHHHHH! <hr width=50%/> :''[After the enemy ninjas demonstrated their weapon sticks to the Turtles.]'' :'''Raphael''': Now maybe it's just me, but I think these guys plan to stick it to us. <hr width=50%/> :'''Juto-Shisho''': Bow when you enter this sanctuary. :'''Chikara-Shisho''': We require warriors to combatant, and as pathetic as you are, you eight are our best hope. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': You expect us to fight each other? :'''Raphael''': Forget it, bucketheads. :'''Kon-Shisho''': You WILL fight, or you will be destroyed. <hr width=50%/> :''[Back to New York City, the rooftop from which the turtles were kidnapped. Splinter and the Ancient One are searching the rooftop. The Ancient One finds the slashed mask left by the wooden warrior that Leonardo had fought.]'' :'''Ancient One''': The Mokusai no Bushi were here. ''[He studies gashes in the rooftop and then points to another area.]'' And here, signs of a struggle. :'''Splinter''': The Ninja Tribunal has taken my sons! Ancient One, you must take me to the tribunal. :'''Ancient One''': You know that what you ask is simply not permitted. :'''Splinter''': Permitted or not, I will protect my sons! == Characters == === Main === * [[w:Leonardo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Leonardo]] (or Leo) - voiced by [[w:Michael Sinterniklaas|Michael Sinterniklaas]] * [[w:Donatello (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Donatello]] (or Donnie) - voiced by [[w:Sam Riegel|Sam Riegel]] * [[w:Raphael (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Raphael]] (or Raph) - voiced by [[w:Greg Abbey|Frank Frankson]] * [[w:Michelangelo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Michelangelo]] (or Mikey) - voiced by [[w:Wayne Grayson|Wayne Grayson]] === Recurring === * [[w:Splinter (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Splinter]] - voiced by [[Darren Dunstan]] * [[w:April O'Neil|April O'Neil]] - voiced by [[w:Veronica Taylor|Veronica Taylor]] * [[w:Casey Jones (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Arnold Casey Jones Jr.]] - voiced by [[w:Marc Thompson (voice actor)|Marc Thompson]] === Antagonists === * [[w:Karai (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles|Karai]] – voiced by Karen Neill * Agent John Bishop – voiced by [[w:David Zen Mansley|David Zen Mansley]] * [[w:Baxter Stockman|Baxter Stockman]] – voiced by Scott Williams * Savanti Romero – voiced by [[w:David Zen Mansley|David Zen Mansley]] * [[w:Hun (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Hun]] – voiced by [[w:Greg Carey (voice actor)|Greg Carey]] * Rat King – voiced by [[w:David Zen Mansley|David Zen Mansley]] === Supporting === * [[w:Leatherhead (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Leatherhead]] - voiced by [[w:Greg Carey (voice actor)|Gary K. Lewis]] * The Ancient One - voiced by David Chen * [[w:Miyamoto Usagi|Miyamoto Usagi]] - voiced by [[w:Jason Griffith|Jason Griffith]] * [[w:Murakami Gennosuke|Murakami Gennosuke]] – voiced by [[Eric Stuart]] * Jhanna - voiced by [[w:Lisa Ortiz|Lisa Ortiz]] * Raptarr - voiced by Marc Diraison * Renet - voiced by Liza Jacqueline * Professor August O'Neil - voiced by [[w:Marc Thompson (voice actor)|Marc Thompson]] * Robyn O'Neil * * * * * Mortu - voiced by [[w:Dan Green (voice actor)|Dan Green]] * The Ultimate Daimyo - voiced by [[w:Marc Thompson (voice actor)|Marc Thompson]] * Gyoji - voiced by [[w:Oliver Wyman (actor)|Oliver Wyman]] * Nobody - voiced by [[w:Sean Schemmel|Sean Schemmel]] === Minor === * [[w:Hamato Yoshi|Hamato Yoshi]] – voiced by [[Eric Stuart]] * [[w:Shredder (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Ch'rell/Oroku Saki/Shredder]] - voiced by [[w:Scott Rayow|Scottie Ray]] * Angel - voiced by [[w:Tara Sands|Tara Jayne]] * Arnold Casey Jones Sr. * Baxter Stockman's mother * [[w:Tang Shen|Tang Shen]] * Yukio Mashimi * * * * * ==External links== {{wikipedia|Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003 TV series, season 4)}} {{Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles}} [[Category:Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003 TV series) seasons|4]] [[Category:Children's television seasons]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about turtles]] [[Category:American animated television seasons]] 9a8omyp166ozh65emzajy5nrj5r9s8n 3778857 3778850 2025-07-14T20:47:03Z 2001:8003:DD49:F700:7CE2:F3C:CD2C:140C /* Scion of the Shredder */ 3778857 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''Seasons''': [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 1)|1]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 2)|2]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 3)|3]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 4)|4]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 5): Ninja Tribunal|5: Ninja Tribunal]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Fast Forward|6: Fast Forward]] / [[TMNT: Back to the Sewer|7: Back to the Sewer]] | '''Film''': [[Turtles Forever]] | [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003 TV series)|Main]] ---------------- The following is a list of quotes from the fourth season of the 2003 series '''''[[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003 TV series)|Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles]]'''''. ==Cousin Sid== * This is the Season 4 premiere. This marks the debut appearance of Casey Jones's cousin Sid. <hr width=50%/> :'''[[w:Splinter (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Master Splinter]]''': ''(Narrating)'' Life moves as the wheel of destiny turns, day to night, night to day. [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 3)|Our fight with the Shredder nearly cost us our lives.]] We are broken, battered, but alive. Our bodies will heal but I wonder: Do my sons carry other wounds not so easily overcome? I know with a great heaviness that there will always be some new threat to challenge us. I only pray my sons will be prepared to face it... <hr width=50%/> :''[The episode opens with a view of the Jones’ family farmhouse at night. Cut to the interior. The front door opens, and April enters with Master Splinter. He is injured and she is supporting him.]'' :'''April O'Neil''': Just a little bit further, Master Splinter. :''[Donatello and Michelangelo enter next. Donatello’s arm is in a sling and Michelangelo is on crutches with casts on his legs.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Finally. Now, someone give me a fork or something. You have no idea how bad my legs itch. :'''Donatello''': Yeah, we do, Mikey. We heard about it the whole trip. :''[Last to enter are Casey Jones, Raphael, and Leonardo. Casey and Leonardo are supporting Raphael. The two turtles have bandages wrapped around their bodies. April helps Splinter onto a chair.]'' :'''Splinter''': Thank you, April. I am not as young as I once was. Wound's take longer to heal. :'''Michelangelo''': I'm still as young as I once was, and I don't feel like I'm ever going to heal! :''[Casey and Leonardo helps Raphael to lie down on the couch.]'' :'''Raphael''': Too bad you didn't break your jaw. Maybe we’d finally get a little peace and quiet around here. ''[bones cracking]'' Ow. :'''Michelangelo''': ''[sits in a chair next to Splinter’s and props his legs up.]'' Ahh! That's... better? ''[sniffs]'' Ew! What's that smell?! It smells like burnt – ''[He glances over at his father.]'' Oh, right. Sorry, Sensei. :'''April''':All right. Who's hungry? :'''Donatello''': Me! :'''Michelangelo''': I am! :'''Donatello''': I am! :'''Casey Jones''': Over here! :''[Leonardo is standing at the window, staring into the yard.]'' :'''April''': Leo? :'''Splinter''': Leonardo? :'''Leonardo''': I'm fine. <hr width=50%/> :'''April''': ''[grabs the fork from Michelangelo]'' No scratching. <hr width=50%/> : '''Raphael''': Hey, I like it when Leo acts tough. We should get Karai to stab him more often. :''(Leo angrily glares)'' :'''Mikey''': Easy Leo. Leave Raph to me. Raph needs a hiding place. Don't you, Raphie boy? And I got just the spot. :'''Raph''': Hiding spot? ''[Leonardo and Donatello carry him to a closet.]'' Don't even... No way am I missing this action. ==The People's Choice== :'''[[w:Michelangelo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Michelangelo]]''': ''(Narrating)'' Who would have guessed that getting back to nature with my bro's would turn into a sci-fi marathon? There's nothing cooler than slimy, slippery space-creatures, giant alien blobs, cosmic rock creatures with a bad attitude, or intergalactic catfight! And here I thought our camping trip was going to be boring. Silly me! <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> ==Sons of the Silent Age== :'''[[w:April O'Neil|April O'Neil]]''': ''(Narrating)'' I love nature. Its beauty, its balance and perfection. Nature reminds me of what I learned in school about the scientist Charles Darwin. Darwin believed in the survival of the fittest. He explained how life on Earth could be defined simply as the struggle for existence. But, it seems to me that the struggle for existence is never very simple. <hr width=50%/> :'''April''': Are you okay, Leo? I know something’s been bothering you. :'''Leonardo''': Yeah, I... I don’t know. Well, I guess I do. It’s... I just can’t stop thinking about the last time we faced off against the Shredder. ''[clenches his fist.]'' That the only way that we could’ve defeated him was by blowing ourselves up. I couldn’t protect my brothers, my master. ''[punches a fist into the palm of his other hand.]'' I feel like such a complete failure, and no matter how I try to rationalize it, justify it, it always comes down to the fact that I wasn’t good enough. <hr width=50%/> :'''Raphael''': Then the first thing we have ta' do is sneak in there. :'''Michelangelo''': Right, and like the Three Musketeers used to say, "One for all and all for ninja mode." Course, I'm paraphrasing. ''[smack]'' Owww! :'''Raph''': What is wrong with you? :'''Mikey''': What? ==Dragon's Brew== * This is the only episodes in the series to not feature Raph (despite being mentioned), Mikey, and Donnie. <hr width=50%/> :'''Hun''': ''(Narrating)'' This is the dawning of a new age. I have seen the past and I have touched the future. I have learned from my late great master that preparation is everything and I am prepared. Our destiny will soon be at hand. Nothing can stop us now. Nothing. <hr width=50%/> :'''Casey''': Ha~ah! :'''Hun''': Jones! Uh! :'''Casey''': ''[elbows him in the gut and then sweeps his feet from under him with a hockey stick.]'' You and me, we got unfinished business! :'''Hun''': Bring it on. ''[Leonardo hops onto a box behind him.]'' Thought you turtles were destroyed. :'''Leonardo''': There’s a lot of that going around. :'''Casey''': He’s mine, Leo! :'''Leonardo''': I’ll just soften him up a little for you. <hr width=50%/> :'''Boy''': Mommy, I was dreaming about Daddy. It was horrible! :'''Mother''': It’s okay, Sweetie. Daddy is in a better place, remember? ==I, Monster== * This marks the debut appearance of Rat King. <hr width=50%/> :'''Rat King''': ''(Narrating)'' I awoke in the mud and the slime of a filthy river. I don't know where I am or even who I am. I'm haunted by glimpses... momentary fragments of a life I think I had. But what life do I have now? What am I, but a monster? And now all will fear me... because everything fears the monster. <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> ==Grudge Match== :'''[[w:Raphael (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Raphael]]''': ''(Narrating)'' It may look like just another day in the Battle Nexus, with the crowds and the cheering, but trust me, this day was gonna be special. I was looking forward to somebody finally shutting Mikey up about being Battle Nexus Champion. But it was starting to look like they were gonna shut Mikey up permanently. <hr width=50%/> :'''Master Splinter''': Yes. Pizza sounds very appetizing right now, with pepperoni and ''karma''. ==A Wing and a Prayer== * This marks the debut appearance of Raptarr. <hr width=50%/> :'''Raptarr''': ''(Narrating)'' Long have I watched over the world of man, and have I've been sickened by the ruthless acts of a soulless few. But through it all, I have learned more of who I am. Some call me "Hunter". Some call me "Protector". Whatever I am called, I have vowed to be this world's guardian angel. <hr width=50%/> ==Bad Day== :'''[[w:Donatello (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Donatello]]''': ''(Narrating)'' OK, pop quiz: If a dozen of Agent Bishop's deadly commandos are chasing you at ninety miles an hour from points A, B, and C, what are the odds you're gonna survive the next five minutes? <hr width=50%/> :'''Master Splinter''': Perhaps, but I am not speaking to you. I wait for my true foes to reveal themselves. You cannot touch me! :'''Foot Mystic''': This one is more powerful than we imagined. <hr width=50%/> :'''Karai''': Fools! Another failure!? :'''Fire Mystic''': Our encounter has given information that will be useful to us. But we did not expect our forces to be breached. :'''Karai''': And you recklessly revealed your presence to the rodent! :'''Water Mystic''': We assure you, we have gained enough knowledge for our next assault. :'''Karai''': Then make it so! Otherwise, when I attack, I assure you it will be no illusion!! ==Aliens Among Us== :'''Agent Bishop''': ''(Narrating)'' For more years than I can remember I have stood watch. Preparing for a day I've long known was inevitable. The alien threat is real. And the world has suffered at the hand of these invaders. The world must be prepared it must always be vigilant. And I will make sure it is, no matter what the cost. ==Dragons Rising== * This marks the only appearance of Arnold Casey Jones Sr., the late father of [[w:Casey Jones (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Casey Jones]] in flashbacks <hr width=50%/> :'''[[w:Casey Jones (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Casey Jones]]''': ''(Narrating)'' You know, it's taken me quite a while, but I've really come a long way. I finally got my temper under control. However, there are still a few certain things that can really make my blood boil. Hun is one of them certain things. ''[Flashback to younger Hun and Casey]'' Me and him, we go way back. See, when I was a kid, a gang of street punks was shaking my old man down for protection money. It was Hun and the Purple Dragons. When my old man wouldn't pay him, they torched our store. :'''Hun''': ''[grabs young Casey]'' You tell your old man punk, Next time pay up or else. ''[drops young Casey and walks off with the Purple dragons gang as young Casey watches sadly flashbacks end]'' :'''Casey Jones''': ''(Narrating)'' Yeah, me and him, we still got a score to settle. No matter how I try to plan out this problem, the two of us are headed for a bad, bad, showdown. :''[Casey and Hun grapple with each other atop a truck moving at high speed.]'' :'''Casey Jones''': ''(Narrating)'' Who knows? Maybe I haven't come as far as I thought. <hr width=50%/> :'''Mrs. Jones''': Arnold, please. Is too dangerous. :'''Young Casey''': Please, Pops, don’t go. :'''Arnold Jones Sr.''': ''[squats down and places a hand on his son's shoulder.]'' I gotta, kiddo. I put everything we had into that store. I can’t just let them get away with this. I’m going to the police. :'''Young Casey''': But they said no cops. They said if you— :'''Arnold Jones Sr.''': Casey, sometimes you just gotta stand up for what’s right, even if the odds are against you. Even if you’re all alone. You gotta just stand up and do the right thing. <hr width=50%/> :''[Casey, Raphael, Michelangelo and Donatello are inside the Battle Shell and Leonardo stands behind the vehicle outside and crossed his arms]'' :'''Raphael''': Come on, Leo, get in. :'''Michelangelo''': Let’s go home, bro. ''[Leonardo doesn’t move]'' :'''Raph''': '''Now what!?''' ''[groans]'' :'''Leonardo''': ''[angrily]'' We ''didn't'' finish the job. We blew it. Again! '''We blew it!''' :'''Donatello''': We ''did'' the best we could. At least we stopped half the convoy. :'''Leo''': ''[angrily]'' '''Half'''. We stopped '''half'''. And only because we got lucky. ''[and looks at his brothers and Casey]'' Is that good enough for you? Is it!? We're always one step behind. We ''act'' like a bunch of '''amateurs'''! How many more times are we gonna get beaten before you guys '''wise up and realize''' <big><big>'''this isn't a game!?'''</big></big> ''[turns around and storms off alone]'' :'''Raph''': ''[stands up and flips the switch to close the back doors]'' I hate to admit it, but he ''ain't'' wrong. : ''[Donatello starts the Battle Shell and drives away, Casey walks up next to him]'' :'''Casey''': Hey, Donny, drive by the cemetery, will ya’? I got an important stop I need to make. <hr width=50%/> :''[Morning came as Donatello, Raphael and Michelangelo wait outside at the Battle Shell as Casey enters the cemetery, he walks up to his father’s grave]'' :'''Casey''': Hey, Pops, I brought ya’ something. ''[kneels and places the torn piece of jacket from Hun on the grave, the tombstone has a marker reads “Arnold Casey Jones Sr. Beloved Husband, Father and Friend.”]'' You spoke true, Pop. No matter what, you gotta stand up and do the right thing. But I guess I’m lucky. Even when the odds are against me, I ain’t alone. ''[stands up]'' I got friends. Good friends. :''[The three turtles stand together and watching him as the morning sun rises]'' ==Still Nobody== :'''Nobody''': ''(Narrating)'' Watching over the city, I have learned the sad truth that violence begins violence. They say nobody can break the cycle. That nobody cares. Nobody can do anything about it. Nobody tries to change things and they're right. Because I'm still Nobody and I do care. I will try to change things. I will make a difference. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': Don't stop. Mikey, you left your shell cell on. :'''Michelangelo''': I'm sorry mister 'I'm going to pump you up' Leonardo, but I didn’t know we'd be doing a pull-up marathon. ''[Donatello pops him on the back of the head.]'' Ow! :'''Raphael''': Whoa, Don. Don't smack Mikey. ''[He pops Michelangelo.]'' That's my job. :'''Michelangelo''': Hey! Do I look like a piñata? :'''Donatello''': ''[to Michelangelo]'' Just answer your phone. :'''Michelangelo''': Talk to the turtle. ''[They all continue the pull-ups.]'' Hey, long time no hear. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. No problem. We'll be there. :'''Raphael''': ''[to Michelangelo]'' Who was it? :'''Michelangelo''': Nobody. <hr width=50%/> :'''Fang''': Yes, Master Hun? :'''Hun''': Scratch Jencko and his Turks off of our list of possible recruits, and see if you can retrieve any of the hardware we sold that punk. ''[The limo arrives in front of the “Oroku Saki Memorial Library”.]'' Seems a shame to waste it. :''[Hun steps out of the limo.]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[Inside, people are milling about, talking to one another. Karai steps up to the podium in front of a large, draped object. Reporters begin taking pictures as the crowd quiets down.]'' :'''Karai''': Thank you all for coming to this dedication of the new Oroku Saki Memorial Library. One final gift from my late father to the city that he loved. ''[The drape is pulled off of a huge statue of Oroku Saki. Everyone applauds.]'' It is a great honor to dedicate my life to carrying on my father’s humanitarian efforts, even though he is gone, taken from us too soon. <hr width=50%/> :'''Hun''': ''(sarcastic)'' Lovely party, Karai. :'''Karai''': Hun. I did not expect to see you at this dedication. :'''Hun''': ''[stands up]'' Explain something to me, Karai! You do all this in the name of the Shredder. ''He'' was a alien slug! How could you have known that and still serve him?! :'''Karai''': The Shredder gave me a life. He was my father, and I vow in his name, and I will hunt down those who destroyed him and make them pay with their lives! ==All Hallows Thieves== :'''Raphael''': ''(Narrating)'' Halloween in New York City. One of my favorite times of the year. A day where no matter how odd, how freaky, or scary you might be, you fit in with everyone else. A day when girls and boys all over the city dress as their favorite monsters and heroes and get free candy. A day when even a teenage mutant ninja turtle can walk around in the open. Of course, some Halloweens are filled with more tricks than treats. Maybe this year, we should've stayed home and rented scary movies. ==Samurai Tourist== :'''Miyamoto Usagi''': ''(Narrating)'' The paths we walk in life are different for each of us. Some walk the land without a care in the world while some choose to take on burdens that would crush the spirits of most. The land cares little of which path you choose. But its inhabitants are another matter entirely. Clearly, this is not our land. Gennosuke and I came to visit old friends, but I fear now that our presence has done more harm than good. <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> :'''Splinter''': Thank you, Miyamoto Usagi. When I asked you to come, I hoped you could reach him, but I fear my son is now traveling down a difficult path. A path it seems he must travel alone. :'''Usagi''': I wish you good luck, Master Splinter. Farewell, my friends. ''[pushes Kojima into the portal.]'' :'''Gennosuke''': So long boys! ''[chuckling]'' :''[Gennosuke follows Usagi into the portal. Suddenly...]'' :'''Michelangelo''': ''[scream, appears on the upper landing.]'' Stop him! Don’t let him go! :'''Donatello''': Mikey? ''[The portal vanishes.]'' :'''Raphael''': What now, shell for brains? :'''Michelangelo''': My Silver Sentry comics. Gen, he-- he took ‘em. All of ‘em. '''No!''' ==The Ancient One== * This marks the debut appearance of the Ancient One. <hr width=50%/> :'''[[w:Leonardo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Leonardo]]''': ''(Narrating)'' I've traveled thousands of miles looking for an answer, only to wind up here, halfway across the world in the middle of nowhere, battling it out with four nasty creatures, more ghosts than man, but who's steel is all too real. Meanwhile, my traveling companion, some gross slob who attached himself to me like a bloated tick, doesn't do a thing to help out. He just sits there, grinning like a fool, leaving me to fight for both our lives. I've journeyed all across the world in search for answers, and instead, all I'm gonna get is my head chopped off. <hr width=50%/> :''[The episode begins inside the turtles’ lair, as Leonardo and Splinter spar.]'' :'''Leonardo''': I already told you, I’m fine. :'''Master Splinter''': You are sure?! :''[Michelangelo lowers his comic book and grimaces.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Nothing’s the matter, Sensei. Why do you keep asking me that?! :'''Master Splinter''': So much anger. The unopened bottle will burst when its internal pressure becomes too much to bear. ''[Donatello spots Raphael at the weight bench.]'' For months now you have been brooding, surly, and stubborn. :''[Donatello appears worried.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Yeah, right. :''[Donatello and Raphael glance at one another. Shift to Splinter and Leonardo, who are sparring with swords.]'' :'''Master Splinter''': You have not been yourself. You must release what festers within you. Your family will help you, Leonardo. It is important that we be open with one another. :''[Leonardo attacks and manages to disarm Splinter. He then angrily confronts his father.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Open?! Okay, this Katana lesson stinks! I've mastered this years ago! '''YEARS AGO'''!! :'''Master Splinter''': ''[stares at him and then retrieves the sword.]'' It is not the students choice to say when a lesson is learned. ''[He attacks.]'' The student’s place is to listen and learn. :''[The sparring grows fierce and the other turtles gather to watch.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Something tells me the cork’s about to pop on that unopened bottle. :'''Raphael''': That hothead. ''[Donatello and Michelangelo look at him]'' I hate it when Leo reminds me of me. :'''Leonardo''': I've already mastered this lesson! ''[shoves Splinter.]'' And yesterday's lesson! And the lesson before that! '''WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO TEACH ME''' ''[disarms Splinter.]'' '''SOMETHING I DON'T ALREADY KNOW?!!!''' ''[slashes at Splinter and slices his head. The other turtles run to their father as he drops to one knee and grabs his head.]'' :'''Donatello''': Master Splinter! :'''Michelangelo''': Are you okay? ''[Leonardo drops his sword.]'' :'''Raphael''': Leo! What the shell is your problem!? :'''Leonardo''': ''[shoves past Raphael]'' Master! ''[and Donatello]'' Master, I’m so sorry. I-I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just… I just lost control. ''[He hangs his head.]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[Later, Master Splinter kneels in his room, which is candle lit. There is a bandage on his head. Leonardo stands in the doorway.]'' :'''Splinter''': Sit down, my son. :''[Leonardo enters, slides the door shut, and kneels before his father.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Master, I-I don’t know what to say. :'''Splinter''': Say nothing, listen. We were all badly wounded in our final confrontation with the Shredder. Your brothers and I have healed, but you have not. I have meditated long and hard on this matter, and now realize that you are correct. :'''Leonardo''': Huh? :'''Splinter''': It is time for you to move on. It is time for you to study with a new sensei. :'''Leonardo''': But-but, Master, I don’t want a new sensei. I’m happy here with you. ''[Donatello, Michelangelo and Raphael are listening at the door.]'' I know there’s so much more that you can teach me. :'''Splinter''': No, my son. It is as it must be. ''[Both stand and Splinter goes to the shelves on his back wall.]'' Now, there is but one master in all the world that I would entrust my son’s well-being to. He is wise, honorable, and highly skilled. He is called the Ancient One, ''[He looks at a picture of Hamato Yoshi.]'' and he was the sensei to my sensei, Hamato Yoshi. You must make a pilgrimage, a pilgrimage halfway across the world. :'''Leonardo''': But, Sensei… :'''Splinter''': Come, let us prepare you for your journey. <hr width=50%/> :''[He pushes Leonardo back and swings at him. As Leonardo fights, he has a flashback to Donatello, aboard Shredder’s starship during [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 3)|Exodus part 2]], as the engine starts to overload.]'' :'''Donatello''': Help me! I’m hurt! ''[echoes]'' :'''Michelangelo''': We’re not gonna make it! Leo, help me! ''[echoes]'' :'''Raphael''': Leo, the Shredder’s coming for us! You gotta do something! ''[echoes]'' :'''Splinter''': Save us, Leonardo! We are all counting on you, my son. ''[echoes]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Ancient One''': If there was nothing more you could have done, why do you punish yourself so? :'''Leonardo''': I finally understand. ''[He turns and walks back to the short man and then drops to one knee.]'' Ancient One. I am honored. :'''Ancient One''': Took you long enough, Leonardo. <hr width=50%/> :'''Ancient One''': Now, Leonardo, tell an old man just what it is you think you have learned. ''[hands a bowl to Leonardo.]'' :'''Leonardo''': I guess I’ve been… I’ve been obsessed with failing. I hardened my heart like a rock; wrapped up inside my own shell. Trying to be perfect; thinking I wasn’t good enough, that I needed to be better. So angry… so…. ''[The Ancient One raps him on the head with a bamboo stick.]'' Ow! What? :'''Ancient One''': Too many words. Explain simply. :'''Leonardo''': I’ve been my own worst enemy. :'''Ancient One''': Much better. Now, relax and enjoy your tea, and let me tell you a tale of Master Yoshi. Yoshi found himself at a crossroads, not dissimilar to your own. ==Scion of the Shredder== * [[w:Karai (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Karai]] assumes the legacy of her adopted Utrom father and becomes the new Shredder and the Ninja Turtles' sworn enemy, especially toward Leo. <hr width=50%/> :'''Donatello''': ''(Narrating)'' I've been worried a lot lately. For starters, I'm worried about the Foot. They're back... and they're tougher than ever. And... I'm worried about my brother, Leonardo. He's on a quest to parts unknown, and I'm worried he's not gonna find what he's been looking for. But mostly... I'm worried that Leo won't find us alive when he gets back. Master Splinter tells me that I worry too much. Okay, you tell me. Should I be worried? <hr width=50%/> :''[The episode opens inside the turtles’ lair. Raphael is working out on his punching bag. Donatello is strapped into a harness, suspended over the Shell Sub where he is doing some welding. Michelangelo is seated on the couch with Klunk next to him. He is stacking playing cards while Master Splinter looks on.]'' :'''Splinter''': That is an impressive edifice, Michelangelo. Dare I ask how many hours you have spent building it? :'''Michelangelo''': Good question, Sensei. Hey, Raph, what time is it? :'''Raphael''': Like I wear a watch? How should I know? Hey, Donny, what time is it? :'''Donatello''': Beats me. Ask Leo. ''[He cuts off the welding torch and his brothers stop what they are doing. Splinter lowers his head with a sigh.]'' Sorry. Leo’s been gone more than two months and I still forget he’s not here. :'''Raphael''': Master Splinter, when’s that bum coming back anyway? :''[Donatello and Raphael walk over to join the others.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': And is Leo coming back normal, or like, more normal? ‘Cause before he left he was acting kinda, you know... ''[He twirls a finger next to his temple and Raphael slaps the back of his head.]'' Ow! Hey! :'''Splinter''': I do not know, my sons. Leonardo is on a pilgrimage to find the Ancient One, and to find answers. Such things are beyond time. :'''Donatello''': Well, I miss having him around. :'''Splinter''': As do we all. We must have faith that he will return when he is ready. <hr width=50%/> :'''Ancient One''': Leonardo, your family is in grave danger. :'''Leonardo''': What?! ''[jumps up and leaps over to join the Ancient One, who nods at him.]'' I understand, Sensei. <hr width=50%/> :'''Michelangelo''': Um, what is that? :''[The turtles pull their weapons. Klunk curls around Michelangelo’s ankle.]'' :'''Raphael''': Whatever it is, it’s coming through the front door! :''[The banging continues and the heavily fortified lair entrance bulges. The lair shakes and stones fall. The door shifts to one side and a brace rips loose, then the door falls. Splinter and the turtles rush towards the ramp and watch as two huge Foot mechs, called Shrednauts, crash through the wall and enter the lair. The Shrednauts pause and Foot ninja run into the lair.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': What the...? The Foot! :'''Donatello''': But how? How did ''they'' find us? :'''Raphael''': Don’t matter how they found us, they found us. Now let’s kick the shell out of ‘em! ''[He rushes to meet some advancing ninja.]'' '''Get... out... of... my house!!''' <hr width=50%/> :'''Raphael''': Oh, shell! :'''Donatello''': No way! It can’t be him! :'''Michelangelo''': Master Splinter, any chance this is just another mystical attack? :'''Splinter''': No, my son, this is real. All too real. :'''Donnie''': The Shredder! But, the Utroms sentenced him to exile. :'''Raph''': Yeah? Well, it didn’t take. :''[The dust around the Shredder swirls and then the four Foot Elite appear.]'' :'''Karai''': Oroku Saki is gone, thanks to you, but the Shredder lives on! ''[She removes her helmet to reveal herself.]'' :'''Donnie''': Karai! :'''Splinter''': So the daughter of Oroku Saki has become the Shredder. Why? :'''Karai''': Honor demands it, Splinter-san. After you helped the vile Utroms exile my father, I vowed to avenge his honor! :'''Splinter''': You dare speak of honor!? Your father murdered my Master Yoshi! Your father had no honor! :'''Karai''': You will pay for your lie! ''All of you!!'' Where is Leonardo?! :'''Raph''': ''He'' ain't here! :'''Mikey''': You know, you just missed him, but if you leave right now, we'll tell him that you stopped by. :'''Karai''': You mock me. The fact that you still live mocks me!! ''[She dons the helmet.]'' That all ends now! ''Destroy them!'' Leave no one alive. <hr width80%> :'''Splinter''': Master Yoshi's orb. ''[Karai brakes it]'' No!! :'''Karai''': Your sons destroyed my father! Now I will repay them in kind! I begged Leonardo to let him go, but ''he'' would not listen to reason!! :'''Splinter''': It is ''you'' who has been blinded to reason! Oroku Saki was a murderer! But ''you'' will ''not'' allow yourself to see the truth!! :'''Karai''': I see clearly, rat! and you will pay for what you have done to me! :''[They fight.]'' :'''Splinter''': I reached out to you! I hoped that you would turn away from evil, but I can see now that has consumed you!! ''[Karai slashes his shoulder.]'' Ugh! ''[steps back]'' You are faster than your father. I will give you that, but your dark heart will betray you, just as ''his'' did!! :''[She strikes him hard enough to expel him from the room. Karai stalks towards him as Splinter lays on the ground.]'' :'''Karai''': You are not even worthy to speak of my father, rodent!! ''[grabs him by his robe and lifts him off the ground.]'' I will silence your treacherous tongue once and for all!! ''[She draws back an arm to strike. Raphael pushes himself up from the ground and sees them.]'' :'''Raphael''': '''NO!!''' :'''Donatello''': Master Splinter! :''[Raphael races forward and leaps at Karai, who spins around and hits him, dropping Splinter in the process. Donatello runs at her and jumps, kicking her to the ground, which causes Karai to lose her helmet. She doesn’t move and Donatello helps Splinter stand up. He is joined by Raphael and Michelangelo.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Master Splinter! :'''Donatello''': We have to get out of here. :''[They all spin around at another loud crashing sound, to find the lair filled with enemies, all of them staring at the mutant family.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Uh, easier said than done. :'''Raphael''': Donnie, you take Master Splinter with you. We split up, get out, and hook back up again topside. Got it? ''[They jump as a Shrednaut strikes the ledge they were on.]'' Now let’s go! And guys, be careful. <hr width80%> <hr width80%> <hr width80%> <hr width80%> :''[Meanwhile, the elevator reaches the garage above the lair. When the elevator door opens, Raphael walks out slowly, and then drops to all fours, breathing hard. Behind him, the Foot ninja are all unconscious. Suddenly the garage door opens and Raphael looks up to see more Foot ninja approaching.]'' :'''Raphael''': You gotta be kidding me. :''[The Foot ninja race towards him and Raphael jumps up to run for the Battle Shell. He enters just as the ninja throw several throwing stars at him, all of them hitting the door. Raphael starts the engine and then fires a missile at the Foot ninja blocking the door. With the path cleared, Raphael drives out of the garage and onto the city streets.]'' <hr width80%> :''[Meanwhile, Karai is still inside the lair.]'' :'''Karai''': In the name of Oroku Saki, ''Find them!!'' They must not be allowed to live. ''[The Foot bow to her and run to do her bidding.]'' And tear this filthy place apart, Leave nothing standing! :''[The Shrednauts begin firing, taking down support pillars and blasting the ceiling with missiles. Karai laughs as the turtles’ home is destroyed.]'' <hr width80%> :''[To the river, where Donatello, piloting the Shell Sub, is trying to shake his pursuers. The Foot fire torpedoes.]'' :'''Donatello''': Hold on, Master Splinter. :''He pulls back hard on the steering column and the Shell Sub goes straight up. The torpedoes hit each other and explode. The Foot manage to get in front of him and one fires his torpedoes, scoring a direct hit on the underbelly of the Shell Sub. The sub flips over, water beginning to drip into the interior.'' :'''Donatello''': I don’t have enough firepower to fight all of them. Unless… ''[glances at a set of controls.]'' Hang on, Master Splinter. I’ve got an idea. :''[He presses a set of buttons and the Shell Sub rights itself. Torpedoes launch and fire directly into the river bottom, where they raise a dust cloud. Donatello manages to keep the sub upright and land it at the center of the dust cloud. River bottom dirt covers the sub as it settles on the bottom. The Foot converge on the spot where it went down. Inside, Donatello forces open the door and water floods into the cabin. He gives the diving gear to Splinter and then takes a deep breath before kicking a gear and then swimming out of the sub. Suddenly, the Shell Sub emerges and shoots straight upwards. Donatello and Splinter peek up out of the dirt to watch the Foot go after it and fire multiple torpedoes, all of which hit the sub. It explodes, and the remains sink to the river bottom.]'' :'''Underwater Foot Ninja''': Mistress Karai, Donatello and the rat have been destroyed. :'''Karai''': ''[on radio]'' Excellent. Most excellent. :''[The Foot leave. Donatello and Splinter pass the breathing mask back and forth as they swim for the surface.]'' <hr width80%> :''[Michelangelo punches through a wall with the Tunneler and enters the subway tunnels. He drives straight across tracks and drills through another wall to reach another sewer tunnel, with the Shrednaut in hot pursuit. he opens the door]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Hang on, Klunk! ''[jumps out of the Tunneler and dives for cover in the side tunnel. The Tunneler speeds away with the Shrednaut in pursuit. The Shrednaut fires several missiles and hits the Tunneler, which rolls over and crashes.]'' :'''Foot Technician''': Foot Mech Four to Base. Michelangelo is finished. :'''Karai''': ''[on radio]'' Excellent. :''[Michelangelo runs away from the area, carrying Klunk with him.]'' <hr width80%> :'''Karai''': ''[Cut to an overhead view of the city.]'' All that remains is Leonardo. ==Prodigal Son== * Leo becomes less trustful towards Karai since this episode. However, he still appears to have feelings for her as he spared her life. <hr width80%> :'''[[w:Karai (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Karai]]''': ''(Praying)'' Honorable father, though you are imprisoned among the stars, I bring you news that will set free your soul. I, your humble daughter, Karai, discovered the lair of your most hated enemies and led a full Foot attack force against them. Utterly defeated, all they could was flee. Donatello and the rat we left destroyed at the bottom of the river. Michelangelo tried to burrow his way into safety, but he could not dig deep enough to escape my wrath. And Raphael was blown to smithereens in the turtles' own Battle Shell. All that remains is Leonardo, father, and once I find him, then you will truly and forever be avenged! <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': Man! I really missed this old place. ''[sees the ruins of the Lair]'' Oh no, the lair!! ''[strips off his coat and draws a katana before entering.]'' No!! What happened here!? ''[picks up a broken Shell Cell, looks around, and continues on, finding that the lair has almost been completely destroyed. Poised on a ledge above, a Shrednaut’s lights come on. It captures Leonardo’s presence in its view screen and jumps down in front of him. The Foot Technician inside the Shrednaut opens fire, but Leonardo leaps to safety and pulls his second sword.]'' '''You dare come into my home and do this?!!''' ''[jumps at the control pod where the Technician sits and slices into it, causing the Shrednaut to tumble backwards and power down. Leonardo then slices open the harness which holds the Technician in his seat. Leonardo spots the emblem on the Technician’s shirt.]'' The Foot. ''[grabs the Technician by the shirt front and lifts him.]'' '''My family, where are they?!!''' :'''Foot Technician''': You’ll get nothing from me! :''[He presses a button and sparks begin to fly from the Shrednaut’s body. Leonardo leaps away and the Technician flees the machine. Leonardo races out of the lair as the Shrednaut overloads and explodes. The explosion sends Leonardo flying partway down the tunnel, but he is unhurt.]'' :'''Leonardo''': I need some answers. <hr width=50%/> :'''April O'Neil''': ''[from her warning note]'' Leo, I'm so sorry. I not sure what to say, the others are... Karai said she got them all. ''She'' left this. She says your next. Be careful. :'''Leonardo''': No! It can't be! Karai is ''lying!'' They’re alive, I know it! <hr width=50%/> :''[At the Foot Headquarters. A helicopter comes in for a landing and Karai steps out. A Foot ninja meets her and delivers a report.]'' :'''Foot Ninja''': Mistress Karai, we just received the report. The Shrednaut unit stationed in the turtles’ lair was destroyed. :'''Karai''': Leonardo. Deploy all available Foot ninja. Search the city. ''Destroy him!'' ''[The ninja bows and leaves.]'' This night my beloved father will truly be avenged! <hr width=50%/> :''[Leonardo enters an abandoned building through the broken skylight. Behind him, Donatello sees only a shadowed form and draws his bō. Hearing the sound, Leonardo draws a sword and spins around.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Donny? It’s me. :'''Donatello''': Ah, Leo. ''[limps towards his brother.]'' You’re back! :''[They shake hands in greeting.]'' :'''Leonardo''': You okay? :'''Splinter''': My son. :'''Leonardo''': Master Splinter. ''[His father comes out of the shadows, holding his side.]'' I knew it. I knew you were both alive. Don’t worry, Sensei, everything’s gonna be okay. I promise. :'''Donatello''': Oh man, it’s good to see you, bro’. :'''Leonardo''': We have to get both of you out of here before any more Foot show up. <hr width=50%/> :''[Cut to a long range view of {{w|Belvedere Castle}}. A manhole cover slides into place on a trail in {{w|Central Park}}. In the tunnels below, Leonardo leads the way, illuminating their path with his flashlight.]'' :'''Leonardo''': We need to find a safe place for you two to rest and recuperate. Some place far from the old lair. ''[He brushes the dirt off of a sign which reads “Reservoir Pump Station”. Following the arrow on the sign, the trio find a boarded up entrance. he removes the boards and then opens the metal door. He flashes the light around before descending a short set of stairs onto a metal catwalk. The space is huge, with catwalks leading in several directions.]'' This oughta do for now. :'''Donatello''': This must be one of the earlier pumping stations for the reservoir. I think I’ve seen it on some of the old city planning. ''[He looks around at the expansive space and whistles.]'' Very nice! :'''Splinter''': Leonardo, now that Donatello and I are safe… :'''Leonardo''': I’m already on it, Master Splinter. I’ll find them. ''[He races out of the station.]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Raphael''': I ''can't'' believe Karai did this to '''''us!''''' I can't believe ''she'' and the Foot tooked '''''our home!''''' :'''Leonardo''': Listen, Raph, nothing is permanent. We have to flow with change. :'''Master Splinter''': Perhaps Leonardo has learned a thing or two from the Ancient One. ''[He and Leonardo look at one another.]'' Yes, I can see it in your eyes. I have my son back. And I can see something else in your eyes. Please be careful, my son. She will be well guarded, and her skills are much improved. :'''Leonardo''': So are mine, sensei. I’ll be fine, I promise. Now, get some rest. I’m gonna go get some food and supplies. I’ll be back. :'''Raphael''': Hey, Leo, bring back some sodas or something. :'''Michelangelo''': And some pizza and Chinese food ''[Klunk meow]'' and some kibble. <hr width=50%/> :''[Karai is inside the Oroku Saki Memorial Library in full Shredder armor, sans the helmet. She approaches Oroku Saki’s statue, kneels and removes the covering from a katana. This she places in the stand which is at the feet of the statue. As soon as she sets the sword in place, the “Sewer Sweet Sewer” plaque whips through the air and impales the sword stand.]'' :'''Leonardo''': ''[coldly]'' Hello, Karai. Got your message. :'''Karai''': I am impressed. Security here is very tight, yet here you are, undetected. :''[Leonardo hops down and takes up a defensive posture.]'' :'''Leonardo''': So, you are the new Shredder? :''[Karai places the helmet on her head and turns.]'' :'''Karai''': Yes. ''[draws her sword]'' And I am your doom! :''[Leonardo pulls one of his swords as well.]'' :'''Leonardo:''' You have gone too far this time, Karai!! :'''Karai:''' Not far enough! Not until you lie broken and battered at my feet! Only then will my father truly be avenged! Make no mistake, Leonardo, son of Splinter, hated enemy of my father. Your path ends here! :''[leaps at him and he rushes to meet her attack. Their swords clash and they push against each other.]'' :'''Leonardo:''' I remember when we first met, Karai! We fought side by side and I said you were nothing like the Shredder! ''[He falls back, pulling her down and rolling until she is on her back and he is standing over her.]'' I thought you understood honor, but I was wrong! ''You're exactly like him!! You understand '''nothing!!''''' :''[She kicks him off, but he does a handspring and regains his feet. Leonardo catches her sword on his and quickly disarms her, sending her sword flying onto the arms of the statue. She takes a swing at him, but he ducks and pulls her second sword from her belt.]'' :'''Karai''': No, you will pay. You must pay! ''[She tries to slash him with her Tekkō-kagi, but he ducks. Karai squats and launches the weighted end of her Manriki-gusari at him. It wraps around the handle of her stolen sword and she flips backwards, her weight pulling the weapon from his hand. She throws the sword behind her and drops the hook end of the Manriki-gusari into her other hand. Spinning it, she charges and throws the weapon. Leonardo pulls his second katana, leaps, and slices through the chain.]'' No! I must have my revenge! ''[She runs but Leonardo pursues. As she turns, he flips through the air at her, slicing several times. Karai’s helmet falls into several pieces, shocking her.]'' :'''Leonardo:''' Your own anger defeats you, Karai. ''[stands with his back to her.]'' You remind me of a Turtle I used to know. :'''Karai:''' ''[takes a couple of steps back, and grabs the communication device from her belt.]'' Security to the library… ''[Before she can finish, Leonardo slashes across the device, destroying it. As it falls, Leonardo, who has gotten behind her, places his katana near her head. He taps on her shoulder with the sword and she drops to her knees.]'' Go ahead. Do it! Finish me! :'''Leonardo:''' No. ''[Still kneeling, Karai turns as he sheathes his swords.]'' I'm giving you one last chance to do the right thing, Karai. Don't waste it. ''[walks over to Saki’s statue.]'' And Karai, ''[leaps]'' ''stay away [grabs Saki’s sword] from my '''family!!''''' ''[slashes at the statue and tosses the sword so that it sticks into the floor in front of Karai. As he races away]'' :''[The statue’s head falls, having been sliced away from the body. It bounces and rolls across the floor, coming to a stop in front of Karai. Suddenly the room is flooded with Foot ninjas.]'' :'''Foot Ninja''': Mistress Karai! Is everything all right?! :''[Karai looks up to see two of the upper window panels flapping in the breeze.]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[Leonardo returns to the new lair carrying a duffel bag.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Did someone mention food? ''[takes two containers from the bag.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Chinese food for breakfast? ''[He and Donatello both catch a container.]'' Works for me. :''[Kneeling, Leonardo hands a container of food to Raphael and then stands to walk over to Splinter.]'' :'''Leonardo''': I’ve checked it out and this seems like a safe place, Master Splinter. We could stay here, maybe even fix it up a bit. :'''Splinter''': It is as the great sage, Shinto Sakamoto said, home is where you hang your hat. :''[Leonardo kneels before him and takes an ornate walking stick from his bag.]'' :'''Leonardo''': This walking stick is said to have come from a very ancient and mystic tree. ''[He presents the stick to Splinter, who takes it from him.]'' I got it with the Ancient One. I’ve carried it all this way for you. :'''Splinter''': Ah, a very gracious gift. ''[They bow to one another.]'' Thank you, Leonardo. Welcome home. ==Outbreak== :'''Agent Bishop''': ''(Narrating)'' For too long, our world, our history, has been influenced by extraterrestrial threats. I know this all too well. My purpose has always been clear: Defend against the threat. Rebuild humanity to resist invasion. It hasn't always been easy. There are tough choices that need to be made. Someone has to stop this alien plague. It was a vow I made long ago. And I intend to keep it. <hr width=50%/> :'''Michelangelo''': Ugh. Next time I’ll take lookout duty. :'''Raphael''': Great. More of Karai's Foot ninja. We should be out hunting them, not the other way around. :'''Leonardo''': We’ll handle Karai, Raph, but on our terms, not hers. We’ll handle whatever comes our way. <hr width=50%/> :'''Raphael''': You okay, bro’? ''[helps Donatello up.]'' :'''Donatello''': Thanks. :'''Michelangelo''': Don, Raph, watch out! :''[They turn to see several tentacles shooting towards them. Raphael shoves Donatello out of the way.]'' :'''Raphael''': Move! :''[Raphael avoids the tentacles, but one of the spikes strikes Donatello’s thigh.]'' :'''Donatello''': Oh! :''[Raphael pins the tentacle with his sai.]'' :'''Donatello''': My leg. :'''Raphael''': You okay? :'''Donatello''': Yeah, just a nick. Uh, thanks again. ==Trouble with Augie== * This marks the only appearance of Professor August O'Neil, an uncle of [[w:April O'Neil|April O'Neil]] and is the only appearance of Robyn O'Neil, a sister of April. <hr width=50%/> :'''April O'Neil''': ''(Narrating)'' The man in the hat is my uncle Augie. Uncle Augie didn't just teach me math and science, he taught me to love them. If it wasn't for him, I never would've have gotten my college degree in math. Uncle Augie was always coming and going, off on adventures, but we made the most of our time together. Then one day, uncle Augie just disappeared and he never came back. I'd give anything to see my uncle Augie again. I know he's alive and somehow, someway, I'm going to find him. <hr width=50%/> :'''Mikey''': Especially since Karai the new miss Shredder showed up at your shop. ==Insane in the Membrane== * This marks the only appearance of Baxter Stockman's mother in flashbacks. <hr width=50%/> :''[Montage of Stockman's accomplishments accompanied by his voice over]'' :'''[[w:Baxter Stockman|Baxter Stockman]]''': ''(Narrating)'' Once, long ago, I, Dr. Baxter Stockman, was a whole man. With a brilliant mind and an able body! In the scientific community, I was unequalled! Throughout the world, I was renowned, revered, worshipped! But it all went wrong, horribly, horribly wrong. My genius fell under the control of cruel-minded brutes. :''[Flashback of Shredder ordering Hun to drag Stockman away.]'' :'''Baxter Stockman''': No, '''NOOOOOOOOOO!''' :''[We see Hun, from Stockman's POV, thrusting a saw in his face, and the image shatters as it makes contact. A montage of Stockman's various injuries plays until we see him as just a brain in a jar]'' :'''Baxter Stockman''': ''(Narrating)'' They whittled me away, piece by piece, limb by limb, until I was reduced to nearly nothing. ''[Stockman, in his deteriorated form, approaches the camera menacingly]'' But those simpletons aren't to blame. I finally know who's responsible for my downfall, and now, with my new body, I will finally have my revenge! <hr width=50%/> :'''Baxter Stockman''': [Driven to madness and desperation] This experiment is a catastrophe. (As he slams his hands on the floor which it cracks) Uh! HOW could I have been so stupid? Why was I in such a rush? Why didn't I listen to agent Bishop? [Rips off his lab coat in rage] WHY?! Why am I a failure, my whole life?! Oh, mama. I made such promise. (Reminiscing) Where did it all go wrong?! Where? ''[The scene turns red and blue as all of Stockman's enemies appear in his mind, reminscing his time with them. First, we cut to Shredder and some Baxter's injuries.]'' A horrible degradation at the hands of the Shredder. ''[Cut to Hun, who looks grumpily at camera with Purple Dragons behind his back.]'' His horrific bug, Hun! ''[Cut to the turtles]'' And those despicable turtles! No! No! [Camera pans to April, who points at something and then...] Before then… It was her! I trusted her and ''she'' betrayed me! ''[Cut to the turtles (in shadows) and April. Raphael is seen kicking robot Stockman.]'' SHE brought in those turtles and ruined everything, my glorious mousers failed because of her and that failure is what brought the Shredder's wrath down upon me! Yes! She's responsible, ''she'' did this to me. (He picks up the whole table, throws at machinery and brakes) And ''she'' is the one who will pay!! <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> :'''Casey Jones''': He just busted in he knocked me out when I woke up they were gone, all I remember is him saying something about going back to where this all started. :'''Raphael''': Where it all started? :'''Leonardo''': Stocktronics, ''[To Stockman continues to carry April to his old lab building now abandoned, offscreen]'' the lab where he and April first worked together it has to be. <hr width=50%/> :'''Mrs. Stockman''': Baxter, ''[coughing]'' I'm sorry baby doll Mama's just worn out, I guess this old body just can't take it, I so wanted to see you grow up and be a fine man, I did ''[coughing]'' Remember the sky's the limit for you boy, I love you Baxter. ''[dies]'' :'''Young Baxter Stockman''': No, Mama! Don't leave me. Mama! Mama! <hr width=50%/> :'''Leo''': Let her go, Stockman! :'''Baxter Stockman''': April? You, you betrayed me! :'''Donnie''': Run, April! Get out of here! :'''Baxter Stockman''': No! She can't leave, I forbid it! :'''Mikey''': You asked for it, Dr. Stockman-Stein! <hr width=50%/> :'''Raph''': There they are! :'''Mikey''': On the cable car! <hr width=50%/> :'''Stockman''': Now we can finally set things right. :'''April''': Doctor Stockman, please don’t this, can you remember when your work helped people when it was about the science? You were a brilliant man the sky was the limit for you Doctor Stockman. :'''Stockman''': ''[starts hallucinating again.]'' Mama? ''[sees April as his mother.]'' :'''Baxter Stockman's mother''': The sky was the limit you were such a good boy, you had so much potential, what happened to you baby doll? ''[sees her as herself again]'' :'''April''': You were someone I admired, someone I respected and you can be again. :'''Baxter Stockman''': Mama what have I done? :''[The coupling of the cable car continues to break]'' :'''April''': Doctor. :''[Stockman hallucinates April as his mother again.]'' :'''Baxter Stockman's mother''': Baxter. :'''April''': Please. :''[The cable car shakes and she trips backwards.]'' :'''Baxter Stockman''': (gasps) Mama, Mama. :'''Casey''': April! :'''Baxter Stockman''': ''[still hallucinates April as his mother]'' Mama. You've got to get off of here, Mama it's not safe. ''[He comes to April and picks her, Casey climbs down the cable and grabs April.]'' Hurry Mama, ''[Casey places his around April and they both look at Stockman]'' hurry! I love you, Mama! I… ''[The coupling brakes from the cable and the cable car falls in to the river]'' I… Ahhh! :''[The slash is heard as April cries over Stockman's "death", the turtles pull the cable getting Casey and April to safety inside the copter.]'' :'''Mikey''': Man, you think that's the end of Stockman? :'''Leo''': We've seen him come back from worse. Only time will tell. :'''Raph''': Well, I say it good riddance! That psycho's giving us nothing, but grief, ever since we met him! :'''Donnie''': I dunno, at least he gave us this neat chopper... sort of. Now, let's just find a place to park it. ==Return of Savanti== ===Part 1 [4.20]=== :'''Donatello''': ''(Narrating)'' My name is Donatello and right now I can't help but think of an old saying: Be careful what you wish for. All my life, I've been fascinated with what they call "terrible lizards" and "thunder beasts". Dinosaurs. But now, amazingly, I got my wish. Here I am in the Cretaceous Period, 65 million years ago, finally seeing them with my own two eyes, while running for my life. So be careful what you wish for, or, just like the dinosaurs, you might find yourself facing sudden extinction. ===Part 2 [4.21]=== :'''Savanti Romero''': ''(Narrating)'' Eons ago, I was on the verge of ultimate power. With the omnipotent Time Scepter, I, Savanti Romero, was going to rule all of time. That is, until Lord Simultaneous thwarted my plan. He turned me into a monster and exiled me from null time to Earth's Middle Ages where he hoped never to hear from me again. But instead, I plotted: Summoning all my magic, I tried again to take the time scepter and use it against Lord Simultaneous. But thanks to the interference of those accursed ninja turtles and that foolish timestress Renet, my victory was denied and Simultaneous exiled me once more, even further in time to Earth's Cretaceous Period, but that did not stop me. Again, I gathered my magic and lured my prey back through time. Savanti Romero will not be denied his revenge. The timestress will pay for her meddling. The time scepter will finally be mine. As for the turtles, they have no idea of the changes that are about to befall them. ==Tale of Master Yoshi== * This marks the only appearance of [[w:Tang Shen|Tang Shen]], and Yukio Mashimi in flashbacks. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' Honor. Integrity. Bushido. These were the ideals that drove Master Splinter's beloved master: Hamato Yoshi. He had traveled far to reach this castle fortress only to find four Foot elite warriors barring his way. But four or four hundred, it mattered not for on this particular night, Yoshi was driven by a powerful force unfamiliar to him. Hatred. Hatred that burned so bright it threatened to destroy him. Hatred born out of the need for revenge. <hr width=50%/> :'''Donatello''': I know! Maybe Leo should tell us about the Ancient One. :'''Raphael''': Yeah, Leo. I want to know the other things you learned on how to kick butt. :'''Leonardo''': Well, I wouldn't know where to start, but there is one story I think you might want to hear... about Master Splinter's master, Hamato Yoshi. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': It's a story about a girl. :'''Raphael''': A girl? Does she kick butt? :'''Master Splinter''': Raphael. Please, continue, Leonardo. :'''Leo''': Okay. Our story begins long ago in the 1960s. Japan was just getting back on its feet. :'''Michelangelo''': After an attack by [[Godzilla]]? :'''Leo''': No. After its defeat in [[w:World War II|World War II]]. It was not uncommon to see young orphaned boys in the streets, begging for food and money. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' So the Ancient One took Yoshi and his friend into his home, and trained them in the ways of ninjitsu, and treated them as if they were his own sons. As they grew into young men, they became closer than brothers, best of friends who do everything together. They even fell in love at the same time, with the same girl - [[w:Tang Shen|Tang Shen]]. They were crazy about her. Tang Shen was also an orphan raised by the Ancient One. It was her loving care that made the Ancient One's house into a home and that often brought unexpected visitors to her kitchen. :'''Tang Shen''': Mashimi, no! :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' But Tang Shen saw a hungry innocent creature and, as always, her first thought was to care for it. She decided to keep the curious rat as a pet. Seeing that Tang Shen had grown fond of the hungry little visitor, Yoshi had built a home for the newest member of their family. Although, Tang Shen had captured both the boys' hearts, it was clear that her heart belonged to only one of them - Yoshi. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' But the Ancient One was dead set against it. :'''Ancient One''': Ha, no. The Guardians are no place for you. You must ''not'' do this. Yoshi, a different destiny awaits you. Neither of you are ready. You need much more training. :'''Yukio Mashimi''': Sensei, we are more than ready. :'''Ancient One''': In body perhaps, but it is your heart and mind that still need training, my son. :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': The Guardians are an honorable force for good, Sensei. I want to help them. :''[Tang Shen peers through the doorway into the dojo.]'' :'''Ancient One''': No. I forbid you to ''join'' the Guardians. ''[leaves]'' That is my ''final'' word. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' Though his friendship with Mashimi began to diminish, Yoshi's bond with Tang Shen grew stronger than ever, but the coils of jealousy were winding tighter and tighter in Mashimi's soul until... something snapped. :''[A crack of thunder is followed by rain. Tang Shen lifts her arms to welcome it.]'' :'''Yukio Mashimi''': Tang Shen! :'''Tang Shen''': Oh, Mashimi, you startled me. ''[?]'' What, what is wrong with you? :''[Inside his dojo the little rat munches on a crumb when the sound of Tang Shen’s scream cuts the air. The Ancient One is nearby and runs for the door.]'' :'''Ancient One''': Tang Shen? ''[runs outside, looking for her.]'' Tang Shen! ''[He then spots her prone form.]'' Oh no! Tang Shen! <hr width=50%/> :'''Shredder''': Secure all the exits. Let none escape. :''[Mashimi, now wearing the garb of the Foot, steps up next to Shredder.]'' :'''Mortu''': Mashini, ''you'' have betrayed ''us!''? :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': Mashimi, why? :'''Yukio Mashimi''': How dare ''you'' ask why! ''You'' betrayed ''me!'' We were like brothers, but you had everything and left me with nothing!! Now I take everything from you, including your life!! <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' Yoshi returned to tell Tang Shen all that had happened, only to find out the horrible truth. :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': Tang Shen!? No! '''NOOOO!!''' ''[echoes]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[at Shen's grave]'' :'''Ancient One''': This is all my fault. I knew Mashimi had a dark streak in his heart. :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': It is not your fault, Master. It is Mashimi's fault and he shall pay with his life!! :'''Ancient One''': Be careful, my son. Vengeance is like a splinter that will poison your mind and heart. <hr width=50%/> :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': Yukio Mashimi, I have come for you! Show yourself, ''traitor!'' :'''Shredder''': ''[sits on his throne.]'' Mashimi. :''[Mashimi steps out in front of the stairs leading up to Shredder’s throne.]'' :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': Mashimi, ''I'' challenge ''you'' to a ''duel'', assassin!! :'''Yukio Mashimi''': A duel!? Ha! You have unknowingly stepped into the lion's den, Yoshi! I do not need to fight you! We outnumber you!! :'''Shredder''': You are mistaken, Yukio Mashimi. You stand alone. Defeat Hamato Yoshi and I will forgive our humiliating retreat from the Utrom base. Only if you defeat Yoshi will I let you live. :'''Yukio Mashimi''': As you wish, Master. ''[walks over to where Yoshi waits and strikes a defensive posture.]'' So, Yoshi, our story comes full circle! It began with the two of us and it will end with just the two of us!! :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': This story will only end with one of us, Mashimi!! <hr width=50%/> :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': Well, little one. I will name you Splinter. And together, we will remind ourselves of Tang Shen. Of her beauty, her kindness, and love. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': Well, I think we all know the rest of the story. :'''Michelangleo''': Man! What a bummer story. :'''Master Splinter''': Perhaps, Michelangelo, but perhaps not. It not for these events, I would never have been brought to New York. :'''Donatello''': And the Utroms would never have had to relocate here either, meaning no ooze. :'''Raphael''': No us. <hr width=50%/> :''[Present Day Japan. The Ancient One approaches a home. Inside, a gate rises and he proceeds down a long flight of stairs. He enters a large chamber, lit by fire sconces mounted around the center of a circular area. He bows.]'' :'''Ancient One''': I have come to plead for the turtles. You must not carry out your designs. :''[From the darkness, a pair of blue eyes light up. It is one of the Ninja Tribunal.]'' :'''Juto-Shisho''': You are too late, Ancient One. :''[From another side, the bright eyes are green.]'' :'''Chikara-Shisho''': We have decided. :''[Yet a third set of eyes, silver in color, appears.]'' :'''Kon-Shisho''': We will judge the turtles’ fate. We will determine whether they will live... :'''Juto-Shisho''': Or how they will meet their end. :''[The Ancient One bows.]'' ==<span style=color:purple>'''The Mutated Era of Donatello'''</span>== ===Adventures in Turtle Sitting=== :'''Leonardo''' ''[narrating]'': Things are not good, and they're getting worse by the second. We could really use good old Donnie right about now. Ever since Bishop's mutant outbreak began, Don's been the one guiding us through this whole mess. Coming up with all the answers. :''[Michelangelo gets hit]'' :'''Raph''': Mikey! :'''Leo''': ''[narrating]'' There have been ''hundreds'' of times we'd've been turtle-waxed... if Don's brains hadn't bailed us out. :'''Leo''': ''[sees Raph getting grabbed a monster]'' Raph! :'''Leo''': ''[narrating]'' It's too bad Don's not here now, because this is definitely one of those times. <hr width=50%/> :'''April''': Now who could that be? [She opens the doors to find the Michelangelo, Leonardo and Raphael standing there.] Guys! Hey, this is...unexpected. Guys! Hey, this is...unexpected. :'''Leonardo''': Sorry, April, but we’re on our way to a possible mutant outbreak at the power plant and— :'''Donatello''': Achoo! ''[groans, leans against the doorframe, looking weak and with dark bags under his eyes.]'' :'''April''': Whoa. Don, you look greener than usual. A lot greener than usual. :'''Donnie''': I know, I-- ''[blows his nose.]'' I've picked up this little bug and I haven't been able to shake it. ''[blows nose]'' I was feeling alright, but I just can't handle mutants right now. :'''Mikey''': Did you figure that out before, or after you barfed in the Battle Shell? :'''Raph''': Mikey! ''[slaps Mikey in the head]'' :'''Mikey''': OW! :'''Raph''': ''Adults'' are talking. April, can you keep an eye on Donnie for us? :'''Donnie''': Achoo! ''[blows his nose.]'' :'''April''': Of course Don can stay here. I mean, we weren’t going anywhere anyway. :'''Casey''': Bro’, you are seriously cramping my style here. :'''Donnie''': Sorry. :'''April''': You guys have been on monster patrol for weeks. What’s the plan, clean up all the mutants in Manhattan? :'''Leo''': Well, no. This outbreak is way more than four turtles can handle. We’re just trying to keep it from spreading. :'''April''': Well, go get ‘em guys. We’ll watch Don. :'''Leo''': Donnie, take it easy bro’. ''[The other turtles depart.]'' :'''Donnie''': Good lu-uh-uh-achoo! Achoo! :'''Casey''': Uh! ''[slaps his forehead as Donatello groans.]'' Come on, sickly mutant ninja turtle, you better lie down before you fall down. ''[helps Donatello lie down on the couch and then covers him with a blanket.]'' There. Comfy? <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': Okay, Mikey, you take the left. Don, you cover me on— :'''Michelangelo''': Uh, Don’s home sick from school today, Leo. :'''Leonardo''': Right. Raph, you cover me on the right. And remember guys, just contain them, do not splatter them. :'''Raphael''': We know the drill. Can't have that cream filling spillin' out, infecting other creatures with their freako DNA. The last thing we need is more genetic rejects. I mean, we've already got Mikey. :''[It's loving brother time!]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[after Donatello mutates]'' :'''April O'Neil''': This is crazy! :'''Casey Jones''': What do we do?! :'''April''': It's Don right? Try talking to him! :'''Casey''': Talk to him, are you nuts!? He's a savage, freaky monster and '''YOU JUST WHACKED HIM IN THE FACE WITH A BROOM!!!''' :''[Casey being the voice of reason]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Stockman''': I-- I don’t understand. What’s happened? What have you done to me? :'''Agent Bishop''': I had your brain recovered from the bottom of New York’s East River after your misguided sabbatical. While I could do without your personality, I do need your brain. The outbreak is getting worse by the minute, and I expect you to use that powerful mind of yours to clean it up. :'''Stockman''': I-- I-- I can’t believe... oh. I can’t believe you brought me back this. Why? Why? [He gets off the table and stands on shaky legs before falling.] Why couldn’t you let me finally rest in peace? Why?! <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': What was that thing? :'''Raphael''': And where’s Don? :'''Michelangelo''': Did that monster get Don? :'''April''': Guys, that monster is Don. :'''Michelangelo''': Say what? :'''April''': That thing you just fought is Don. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leatherhead''': I regret to say... I cannot cure him. :'''Mikey''': What?! NO!! :'''Raphael''': '''MAN, I AM GONNA TAKE BISHOP AND RAM MY FOOT SO FAR...''' :'''Leonardo''': Easy, Raph! We'll find cure, but first we got to capture Don before he hurts himself or anyone else. :''[Raph almost says something inappropriate for kids]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Michelangelo''': Oh ugly, mutated-version-of-my-beloved-brother DONATELLOOOO, where are youuu~?! ''[He hears growling.]'' Donny?! :''[Mutant Donatello appears rounds a turn, sees Michelangelo, and charges.]'' :'''Mikey''': Like, ZOINKS!! :''[Michelangelo dodges a swing, leaps over Donatello’s head, and runs. Donatello chases him. Michelangelo catches onto a hole in the ceiling of the tunnel and one handed swings through into the tunnel above. He turns and looks back, but sees no Donatello. Arming his weapon, he walks back towards the hole. Suddenly Donatello bursts through and Michelangelo screams and runs.]'' :'''Mikey''': Oh, Humna, humna, humna, humna, humna, humna, humna, humna! WHOA! :''[mutant Donatello keeps swinging his fists to Michelangelo, who keeps dodging them by swinging back and forward]'' :'''Mikey''': Now I know how a piñata feels! ''[dodge another fist swing]'' AND I DON'T LIKE IT! Whoa, Don! Come on, quit it! ''[Raph and Leo arrive.]'' A little help here, guys? :'''Raphael''': Whoa, mama! Don’s been taking his vitamins. ''[Donatello punches Michelangelo and flings him down at the feet of his brothers.]'' I’m really sorry about this, Donny! :''[He jumps down in front of Donatello and swings at him with his capture claw weapon.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Remember, this is Don. Do not hurt him! :''[Raphael hops around as Donatello tries to slash him.]'' :'''Raphael''': That’s not gonna be a problem, Leo! :''Donatello straightens and roars. Leonardo kicks his carapace and when Donatello turns, Raphael kicks him. Donatello falls forward onto his hands and knees.'' :'''Leonardo''': Leatherhead, you’re on. :''[Leatherhead leaps out of hiding and runs towards Donatello, who has risen to his feet. Leatherhead plows into him, grabs and lifts him off his feet. Donatello tries to snap at him. Leatherhead shoves him into the containment unit and Michelangelo and Leonardo slam the door shut. Donatello pounds on the glass as his brothers and Leatherhead look on.]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Splinter''': ''[sadly]'' My son. :'''Leatherhead''': I can sympathize. I know what it’s like to be a monster. :'''Raphael''': ''[places his hand on Splinter’s shoulder.]'' Poor Donny. :'''Michelangelo''': What are we gonna do, Leo? :'''Leonardo''': Do? This is Donatello. This is our brother. ''[He flattens a palm on the glass.]'' We’re going to hunt down a cure for him, no matter what it takes. No matter what it takes. ===Good Genes=== ====Part 1 [2.24]==== :'''[[w:Leatherhead (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Leatherhead]]''': ''(Narrating)'' As we fly through the night, I can't help but ponder: intelligence, reason, even simple thought. Most people take these things for granted. I do not. For I know what it's like to be an advanced mind, trapped in the body of a brute... of a monster. But for once, I am not the monster in question. My friend Donatello is one of the gentlest souls I've ever met, with one of the finest minds I've ever known. But now, thanks to the evil agent Bishop, my friend has been transformed into a thoughtless savage. And I fear that the Donatello I know may truly be lost forever. <hr width=50%/> :'''Karai''': Mystics, your master has need of you! :''[Laughter echoes all around her.]'' :'''Water Mystic''': ''[voice-over]'' Our master is the Shredder. Not you, little girl! :''[The Earth Mystic materializes atop of podium.]'' :'''Earth Mystic''': You are nothing but a pretender! like the Utrom abomination before you! :''[The other Mystics appear atop their perches.]'' :'''Karai''': You forget your place, Mystics! You serve me now. I hold the same power over you as my father did! All your talk of ancient power. You live in the past. I am the future and you will obey me. Find the turtle Leonardo! ''He'' must pay for his crimes ''against'' my father! Do you hear me?! ''[turns and walks away.]'' ''Find him!'' ''[exits the room. As the door closes behind her, the Mystics speaks again.]'' :'''Earth Mystic''': Perhaps ''he'' will find you! <hr width=50%/> :'''Leo''': Once we have Bishop, We'll convince him to help Don. :'''Raph''': Leatherhead and I can handle that part of the plan, we can be very convincing. ''[punches hand]'' :'''Michelangelo''': It's Area 51, they probably have a UFO watching us from SPACE! <hr width=50%/> :'''Stockman''': Now open that hunk a' junk. ====Part 2 [2.25]==== :'''Leo''': ''(Narrating)'' A wise man once said: I've got a bad feeling about this. And right now, I know how he feels. Believe it or not, that's my brother Donatello. And right now, he's sick. Really sick. He was scratched by one of Bishop's outbreak mutants, and now he has become a savage, mindless monster. Had it been any of us, we would have looked at Don to save the day. But even with Leatherhead's help, we're no closer to finding a cure. With no other options, we tracked down the one man who might have a cure: the man responsible for the outbreak in the first place: Agent Bishop. Bishop agreed to cure Don, but for a price. Infiltrating Foot central? It's an impossible mission. But what can we do? Our brother is sick. And there's nothing we won't do to save him. Even if it means... making a deal with the devil. <hr width=50%/> :'''Agent Bishop''': Comm systems on, secure channel :'''The Entity''': Ah, Agent Bishop, we are transmitting coordinates to you even as we speak :'''Bishop''': And in return? :'''Entity''': We will let you know, will you be retrieving the artifact yourself? :'''Bishop''': Of cause not, i'll sending in special agents. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leatherhead''': Donatello's condition continues to deteriorate, there's not much time. :'''Master Splinter''': Doctor Stockman, Agent Bisharp told us you have administer the cure to Donatello. :'''Baxter Stockman''': To think I sunk so low that unparalleled genius would be used save the life of these freaks, unfathomable. :'''Leatherhead''': Where is the cure Stockman? :'''Stockman''': I am pulled sweet oblivion for what? this? :'''Leatherhead''': Show us the cure NOW! :'''Stockman''': CURE? you stupid animal, Agent Bishop lied there is no cure. :'''Splinter''': WHAT?! :''[Leatherhead growls and his eyes turn green on Stockman]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Leo''': April come in :'''April''': Go leo :'''Leo''': we've made it to the Foots garbage disposal facility, time for you & Casey to do your thing :'''April''': Casey's heading in to the power station now, stand by :'''Casey''': Hey if we gonna put a computer virus in here to shut down the power, how come you're not going in? :'''April''': Because I don't look like a janitor :'''Casey''': Gee thanks :'''Leo''': Keep us posted April, we're moving into position :'''April''': Roger that :'''Leo''': Well here the fun starts :'''April''': All the buildings garbage go through shoots that led to an incinerator :'''Michelangelo''': We're going in through the furnace, isn't that gonna be hot???? :'''Leo''': It's our only way and that's not all,once through the incinerators we go up a shoots. :'''April''': Which Karai has secured with a deadly grid of lazers :'''Leo''': When the power drops we go up the vent, we gotta beat the emergency-power kicking in :'''Mikey''': Ah, Leo why is the grid still on? :'''Leo''': Casey, April, cut that power or we're turtles flambe. :'''Casey''': I've put in the stupid virus but it ain't working! :'''Leo''': Casey we really need that power out NOW :'''Casey''': Alright, you stupid computers, we're doing this old school, ''[picks up a computer]'' GOONGALA!!! ''[throws computer]'', Woo hoo :'''Leo''': Grids' down <hr width=50%/> :'''Karai''': Find out what's going on . . . Leonardo is here, but why?, why would he come here? <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': Good work Casey we're in, April go the phase 3: get to the copter :'''April O'Neil''': On it :'''Leo''': remember we get what we need and get out, Ralph you know what you have to do, Mikey you're with me, let's go <hr width=50%/> :'''Metal Mystic''': Everything goes as planned my brothers. :'''Earth Mystic''': Soon we all be free! <hr width=50%/> :''[About the mystic Heart of Tengu]'' :'''Karai''': No!! Give that to me!! You do not know what you are doing!! <hr width=50%/> :'''Karai''': You cannot take that! :'''Leonardo''': Watch me!! <hr width=50%/> :'''Karai''': No! ''[runs towards them.]'' Leonardo, face me!! :''[Leonardo turns and draws a sword, but Michelangelo catches him by the arm.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Get in, Get out, right? It's not about Karai, right? :'''Leo''': ''[sheathes his katana.]'' Right. :''[They climb onto the rubble piled in front of the hole in the wall.]'' :'''Karai''': Stop them! Someone stop them!! :''[All three turtles jump. Karai and her Foot Elite reach the opening, but can only watch as the turtles climb up a ladder dangling from the helicopter.]'' :'''Karai''': No! No! ''[drops to her knees.]'' No-o! ''[echoes]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Don''': ''[Emerges from a cloud of mist, cured]'' Hey guys, what's up? ''[collapses into Leatherhead's arms]'' :'''Leatherhead''': I have you, my friend. :'''Michelangelo, Raphael and Leonardo''': All right! Donny! Welcome back! It’s so good to see you again! <hr width=50%/> :'''Master Splinter''': Welcome back, my son. :'''Don''': I hope you guys didn't go through too much trouble for me. (Did you?) :''[Everyone is silent]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Nah. ==Ninja Tribunal== * This is the Season 4 finale. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' You know, if there's one thing I've learned being a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, is to always expect the unexpected. But with all of our training, and all of our hard work, I'd like to think that we're ready for anything. But sometimes, the unexpected is just a little too... unexpected. <hr width=50%/> :'''Raphael''': Yeah, no offense Donnie, but you weren't too much fun when you were... sick. :'''Michelangelo''': Fun?! He was a monster. An absolutely, horrible, drooling big nasty-fanged monster! You tried to eat my leg! <hr width=50%/> :'''Michelangelo''': Are we sure that Donnie's all better? See the full moon, Donnie? Do you feel the monster inside? The monster taking control?! 'MWAHAHAHA!!!! :'''Donatello''': Oh no. I'm- I'm changing! '''RAAAAGGGHH!''' :'''Mikey''': AAAAHHH! HELP ME! HELP ME! HE'S TRYING TO EAT MY LEG AGAIN! AAAAAHHHHH! <hr width=50%/> :''[After the enemy ninjas demonstrated their weapon sticks to the Turtles.]'' :'''Raphael''': Now maybe it's just me, but I think these guys plan to stick it to us. <hr width=50%/> :'''Juto-Shisho''': Bow when you enter this sanctuary. :'''Chikara-Shisho''': We require warriors to combatant, and as pathetic as you are, you eight are our best hope. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': You expect us to fight each other? :'''Raphael''': Forget it, bucketheads. :'''Kon-Shisho''': You WILL fight, or you will be destroyed. <hr width=50%/> :''[Back to New York City, the rooftop from which the turtles were kidnapped. Splinter and the Ancient One are searching the rooftop. The Ancient One finds the slashed mask left by the wooden warrior that Leonardo had fought.]'' :'''Ancient One''': The Mokusai no Bushi were here. ''[He studies gashes in the rooftop and then points to another area.]'' And here, signs of a struggle. :'''Splinter''': The Ninja Tribunal has taken my sons! Ancient One, you must take me to the tribunal. :'''Ancient One''': You know that what you ask is simply not permitted. :'''Splinter''': Permitted or not, I will protect my sons! == Characters == === Main === * [[w:Leonardo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Leonardo]] (or Leo) - voiced by [[w:Michael Sinterniklaas|Michael Sinterniklaas]] * [[w:Donatello (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Donatello]] (or Donnie) - voiced by [[w:Sam Riegel|Sam Riegel]] * [[w:Raphael (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Raphael]] (or Raph) - voiced by [[w:Greg Abbey|Frank Frankson]] * [[w:Michelangelo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Michelangelo]] (or Mikey) - voiced by [[w:Wayne Grayson|Wayne Grayson]] === Recurring === * [[w:Splinter (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Splinter]] - voiced by [[Darren Dunstan]] * [[w:April O'Neil|April O'Neil]] - voiced by [[w:Veronica Taylor|Veronica Taylor]] * [[w:Casey Jones (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Arnold Casey Jones Jr.]] - voiced by [[w:Marc Thompson (voice actor)|Marc Thompson]] === Antagonists === * [[w:Karai (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles|Karai]] – voiced by Karen Neill * Agent John Bishop – voiced by [[w:David Zen Mansley|David Zen Mansley]] * [[w:Baxter Stockman|Baxter Stockman]] – voiced by Scott Williams * Savanti Romero – voiced by [[w:David Zen Mansley|David Zen Mansley]] * [[w:Hun (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Hun]] – voiced by [[w:Greg Carey (voice actor)|Greg Carey]] * Rat King – voiced by [[w:David Zen Mansley|David Zen Mansley]] === Supporting === * [[w:Leatherhead (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Leatherhead]] - voiced by [[w:Greg Carey (voice actor)|Gary K. Lewis]] * The Ancient One - voiced by David Chen * [[w:Miyamoto Usagi|Miyamoto Usagi]] - voiced by [[w:Jason Griffith|Jason Griffith]] * [[w:Murakami Gennosuke|Murakami Gennosuke]] – voiced by [[Eric Stuart]] * Jhanna - voiced by [[w:Lisa Ortiz|Lisa Ortiz]] * Raptarr - voiced by Marc Diraison * Renet - voiced by Liza Jacqueline * Professor August O'Neil - voiced by [[w:Marc Thompson (voice actor)|Marc Thompson]] * Robyn O'Neil * * * * * Mortu - voiced by [[w:Dan Green (voice actor)|Dan Green]] * The Ultimate Daimyo - voiced by [[w:Marc Thompson (voice actor)|Marc Thompson]] * Gyoji - voiced by [[w:Oliver Wyman (actor)|Oliver Wyman]] * Nobody - voiced by [[w:Sean Schemmel|Sean Schemmel]] === Minor === * [[w:Hamato Yoshi|Hamato Yoshi]] – voiced by [[Eric Stuart]] * [[w:Shredder (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Ch'rell/Oroku Saki/Shredder]] - voiced by [[w:Scott Rayow|Scottie Ray]] * Angel - voiced by [[w:Tara Sands|Tara Jayne]] * Arnold Casey Jones Sr. * Baxter Stockman's mother * [[w:Tang Shen|Tang Shen]] * Yukio Mashimi * * * * * ==External links== {{wikipedia|Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003 TV series, season 4)}} {{Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles}} [[Category:Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003 TV series) seasons|4]] [[Category:Children's television seasons]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about turtles]] [[Category:American animated television seasons]] 7msb07gsrzoyx0awj963ppta8grf4s2 3778858 3778857 2025-07-14T20:51:25Z 2001:8003:DD49:F700:7CE2:F3C:CD2C:140C /* Scion of the Shredder */ 3778858 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''Seasons''': [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 1)|1]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 2)|2]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 3)|3]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 4)|4]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 5): Ninja Tribunal|5: Ninja Tribunal]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Fast Forward|6: Fast Forward]] / [[TMNT: Back to the Sewer|7: Back to the Sewer]] | '''Film''': [[Turtles Forever]] | [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003 TV series)|Main]] ---------------- The following is a list of quotes from the fourth season of the 2003 series '''''[[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003 TV series)|Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles]]'''''. ==Cousin Sid== * This is the Season 4 premiere. This marks the debut appearance of Casey Jones's cousin Sid. <hr width=50%/> :'''[[w:Splinter (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Master Splinter]]''': ''(Narrating)'' Life moves as the wheel of destiny turns, day to night, night to day. [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 3)|Our fight with the Shredder nearly cost us our lives.]] We are broken, battered, but alive. Our bodies will heal but I wonder: Do my sons carry other wounds not so easily overcome? I know with a great heaviness that there will always be some new threat to challenge us. I only pray my sons will be prepared to face it... <hr width=50%/> :''[The episode opens with a view of the Jones’ family farmhouse at night. Cut to the interior. The front door opens, and April enters with Master Splinter. He is injured and she is supporting him.]'' :'''April O'Neil''': Just a little bit further, Master Splinter. :''[Donatello and Michelangelo enter next. Donatello’s arm is in a sling and Michelangelo is on crutches with casts on his legs.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Finally. Now, someone give me a fork or something. You have no idea how bad my legs itch. :'''Donatello''': Yeah, we do, Mikey. We heard about it the whole trip. :''[Last to enter are Casey Jones, Raphael, and Leonardo. Casey and Leonardo are supporting Raphael. The two turtles have bandages wrapped around their bodies. April helps Splinter onto a chair.]'' :'''Splinter''': Thank you, April. I am not as young as I once was. Wound's take longer to heal. :'''Michelangelo''': I'm still as young as I once was, and I don't feel like I'm ever going to heal! :''[Casey and Leonardo helps Raphael to lie down on the couch.]'' :'''Raphael''': Too bad you didn't break your jaw. Maybe we’d finally get a little peace and quiet around here. ''[bones cracking]'' Ow. :'''Michelangelo''': ''[sits in a chair next to Splinter’s and props his legs up.]'' Ahh! That's... better? ''[sniffs]'' Ew! What's that smell?! It smells like burnt – ''[He glances over at his father.]'' Oh, right. Sorry, Sensei. :'''April''':All right. Who's hungry? :'''Donatello''': Me! :'''Michelangelo''': I am! :'''Donatello''': I am! :'''Casey Jones''': Over here! :''[Leonardo is standing at the window, staring into the yard.]'' :'''April''': Leo? :'''Splinter''': Leonardo? :'''Leonardo''': I'm fine. <hr width=50%/> :'''April''': ''[grabs the fork from Michelangelo]'' No scratching. <hr width=50%/> : '''Raphael''': Hey, I like it when Leo acts tough. We should get Karai to stab him more often. :''(Leo angrily glares)'' :'''Mikey''': Easy Leo. Leave Raph to me. Raph needs a hiding place. Don't you, Raphie boy? And I got just the spot. :'''Raph''': Hiding spot? ''[Leonardo and Donatello carry him to a closet.]'' Don't even... No way am I missing this action. ==The People's Choice== :'''[[w:Michelangelo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Michelangelo]]''': ''(Narrating)'' Who would have guessed that getting back to nature with my bro's would turn into a sci-fi marathon? There's nothing cooler than slimy, slippery space-creatures, giant alien blobs, cosmic rock creatures with a bad attitude, or intergalactic catfight! And here I thought our camping trip was going to be boring. Silly me! <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> ==Sons of the Silent Age== :'''[[w:April O'Neil|April O'Neil]]''': ''(Narrating)'' I love nature. Its beauty, its balance and perfection. Nature reminds me of what I learned in school about the scientist Charles Darwin. Darwin believed in the survival of the fittest. He explained how life on Earth could be defined simply as the struggle for existence. But, it seems to me that the struggle for existence is never very simple. <hr width=50%/> :'''April''': Are you okay, Leo? I know something’s been bothering you. :'''Leonardo''': Yeah, I... I don’t know. Well, I guess I do. It’s... I just can’t stop thinking about the last time we faced off against the Shredder. ''[clenches his fist.]'' That the only way that we could’ve defeated him was by blowing ourselves up. I couldn’t protect my brothers, my master. ''[punches a fist into the palm of his other hand.]'' I feel like such a complete failure, and no matter how I try to rationalize it, justify it, it always comes down to the fact that I wasn’t good enough. <hr width=50%/> :'''Raphael''': Then the first thing we have ta' do is sneak in there. :'''Michelangelo''': Right, and like the Three Musketeers used to say, "One for all and all for ninja mode." Course, I'm paraphrasing. ''[smack]'' Owww! :'''Raph''': What is wrong with you? :'''Mikey''': What? ==Dragon's Brew== * This is the only episodes in the series to not feature Raph (despite being mentioned), Mikey, and Donnie. <hr width=50%/> :'''Hun''': ''(Narrating)'' This is the dawning of a new age. I have seen the past and I have touched the future. I have learned from my late great master that preparation is everything and I am prepared. Our destiny will soon be at hand. Nothing can stop us now. Nothing. <hr width=50%/> :'''Casey''': Ha~ah! :'''Hun''': Jones! Uh! :'''Casey''': ''[elbows him in the gut and then sweeps his feet from under him with a hockey stick.]'' You and me, we got unfinished business! :'''Hun''': Bring it on. ''[Leonardo hops onto a box behind him.]'' Thought you turtles were destroyed. :'''Leonardo''': There’s a lot of that going around. :'''Casey''': He’s mine, Leo! :'''Leonardo''': I’ll just soften him up a little for you. <hr width=50%/> :'''Boy''': Mommy, I was dreaming about Daddy. It was horrible! :'''Mother''': It’s okay, Sweetie. Daddy is in a better place, remember? ==I, Monster== * This marks the debut appearance of Rat King. <hr width=50%/> :'''Rat King''': ''(Narrating)'' I awoke in the mud and the slime of a filthy river. I don't know where I am or even who I am. I'm haunted by glimpses... momentary fragments of a life I think I had. But what life do I have now? What am I, but a monster? And now all will fear me... because everything fears the monster. <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> ==Grudge Match== :'''[[w:Raphael (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Raphael]]''': ''(Narrating)'' It may look like just another day in the Battle Nexus, with the crowds and the cheering, but trust me, this day was gonna be special. I was looking forward to somebody finally shutting Mikey up about being Battle Nexus Champion. But it was starting to look like they were gonna shut Mikey up permanently. <hr width=50%/> :'''Master Splinter''': Yes. Pizza sounds very appetizing right now, with pepperoni and ''karma''. ==A Wing and a Prayer== * This marks the debut appearance of Raptarr. <hr width=50%/> :'''Raptarr''': ''(Narrating)'' Long have I watched over the world of man, and have I've been sickened by the ruthless acts of a soulless few. But through it all, I have learned more of who I am. Some call me "Hunter". Some call me "Protector". Whatever I am called, I have vowed to be this world's guardian angel. <hr width=50%/> ==Bad Day== :'''[[w:Donatello (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Donatello]]''': ''(Narrating)'' OK, pop quiz: If a dozen of Agent Bishop's deadly commandos are chasing you at ninety miles an hour from points A, B, and C, what are the odds you're gonna survive the next five minutes? <hr width=50%/> :'''Master Splinter''': Perhaps, but I am not speaking to you. I wait for my true foes to reveal themselves. You cannot touch me! :'''Foot Mystic''': This one is more powerful than we imagined. <hr width=50%/> :'''Karai''': Fools! Another failure!? :'''Fire Mystic''': Our encounter has given information that will be useful to us. But we did not expect our forces to be breached. :'''Karai''': And you recklessly revealed your presence to the rodent! :'''Water Mystic''': We assure you, we have gained enough knowledge for our next assault. :'''Karai''': Then make it so! Otherwise, when I attack, I assure you it will be no illusion!! ==Aliens Among Us== :'''Agent Bishop''': ''(Narrating)'' For more years than I can remember I have stood watch. Preparing for a day I've long known was inevitable. The alien threat is real. And the world has suffered at the hand of these invaders. The world must be prepared it must always be vigilant. And I will make sure it is, no matter what the cost. ==Dragons Rising== * This marks the only appearance of Arnold Casey Jones Sr., the late father of [[w:Casey Jones (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Casey Jones]] in flashbacks <hr width=50%/> :'''[[w:Casey Jones (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Casey Jones]]''': ''(Narrating)'' You know, it's taken me quite a while, but I've really come a long way. I finally got my temper under control. However, there are still a few certain things that can really make my blood boil. Hun is one of them certain things. ''[Flashback to younger Hun and Casey]'' Me and him, we go way back. See, when I was a kid, a gang of street punks was shaking my old man down for protection money. It was Hun and the Purple Dragons. When my old man wouldn't pay him, they torched our store. :'''Hun''': ''[grabs young Casey]'' You tell your old man punk, Next time pay up or else. ''[drops young Casey and walks off with the Purple dragons gang as young Casey watches sadly flashbacks end]'' :'''Casey Jones''': ''(Narrating)'' Yeah, me and him, we still got a score to settle. No matter how I try to plan out this problem, the two of us are headed for a bad, bad, showdown. :''[Casey and Hun grapple with each other atop a truck moving at high speed.]'' :'''Casey Jones''': ''(Narrating)'' Who knows? Maybe I haven't come as far as I thought. <hr width=50%/> :'''Mrs. Jones''': Arnold, please. Is too dangerous. :'''Young Casey''': Please, Pops, don’t go. :'''Arnold Jones Sr.''': ''[squats down and places a hand on his son's shoulder.]'' I gotta, kiddo. I put everything we had into that store. I can’t just let them get away with this. I’m going to the police. :'''Young Casey''': But they said no cops. They said if you— :'''Arnold Jones Sr.''': Casey, sometimes you just gotta stand up for what’s right, even if the odds are against you. Even if you’re all alone. You gotta just stand up and do the right thing. <hr width=50%/> :''[Casey, Raphael, Michelangelo and Donatello are inside the Battle Shell and Leonardo stands behind the vehicle outside and crossed his arms]'' :'''Raphael''': Come on, Leo, get in. :'''Michelangelo''': Let’s go home, bro. ''[Leonardo doesn’t move]'' :'''Raph''': '''Now what!?''' ''[groans]'' :'''Leonardo''': ''[angrily]'' We ''didn't'' finish the job. We blew it. Again! '''We blew it!''' :'''Donatello''': We ''did'' the best we could. At least we stopped half the convoy. :'''Leo''': ''[angrily]'' '''Half'''. We stopped '''half'''. And only because we got lucky. ''[and looks at his brothers and Casey]'' Is that good enough for you? Is it!? We're always one step behind. We ''act'' like a bunch of '''amateurs'''! How many more times are we gonna get beaten before you guys '''wise up and realize''' <big><big>'''this isn't a game!?'''</big></big> ''[turns around and storms off alone]'' :'''Raph''': ''[stands up and flips the switch to close the back doors]'' I hate to admit it, but he ''ain't'' wrong. : ''[Donatello starts the Battle Shell and drives away, Casey walks up next to him]'' :'''Casey''': Hey, Donny, drive by the cemetery, will ya’? I got an important stop I need to make. <hr width=50%/> :''[Morning came as Donatello, Raphael and Michelangelo wait outside at the Battle Shell as Casey enters the cemetery, he walks up to his father’s grave]'' :'''Casey''': Hey, Pops, I brought ya’ something. ''[kneels and places the torn piece of jacket from Hun on the grave, the tombstone has a marker reads “Arnold Casey Jones Sr. Beloved Husband, Father and Friend.”]'' You spoke true, Pop. No matter what, you gotta stand up and do the right thing. But I guess I’m lucky. Even when the odds are against me, I ain’t alone. ''[stands up]'' I got friends. Good friends. :''[The three turtles stand together and watching him as the morning sun rises]'' ==Still Nobody== :'''Nobody''': ''(Narrating)'' Watching over the city, I have learned the sad truth that violence begins violence. They say nobody can break the cycle. That nobody cares. Nobody can do anything about it. Nobody tries to change things and they're right. Because I'm still Nobody and I do care. I will try to change things. I will make a difference. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': Don't stop. Mikey, you left your shell cell on. :'''Michelangelo''': I'm sorry mister 'I'm going to pump you up' Leonardo, but I didn’t know we'd be doing a pull-up marathon. ''[Donatello pops him on the back of the head.]'' Ow! :'''Raphael''': Whoa, Don. Don't smack Mikey. ''[He pops Michelangelo.]'' That's my job. :'''Michelangelo''': Hey! Do I look like a piñata? :'''Donatello''': ''[to Michelangelo]'' Just answer your phone. :'''Michelangelo''': Talk to the turtle. ''[They all continue the pull-ups.]'' Hey, long time no hear. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. No problem. We'll be there. :'''Raphael''': ''[to Michelangelo]'' Who was it? :'''Michelangelo''': Nobody. <hr width=50%/> :'''Fang''': Yes, Master Hun? :'''Hun''': Scratch Jencko and his Turks off of our list of possible recruits, and see if you can retrieve any of the hardware we sold that punk. ''[The limo arrives in front of the “Oroku Saki Memorial Library”.]'' Seems a shame to waste it. :''[Hun steps out of the limo.]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[Inside, people are milling about, talking to one another. Karai steps up to the podium in front of a large, draped object. Reporters begin taking pictures as the crowd quiets down.]'' :'''Karai''': Thank you all for coming to this dedication of the new Oroku Saki Memorial Library. One final gift from my late father to the city that he loved. ''[The drape is pulled off of a huge statue of Oroku Saki. Everyone applauds.]'' It is a great honor to dedicate my life to carrying on my father’s humanitarian efforts, even though he is gone, taken from us too soon. <hr width=50%/> :'''Hun''': ''(sarcastic)'' Lovely party, Karai. :'''Karai''': Hun. I did not expect to see you at this dedication. :'''Hun''': ''[stands up]'' Explain something to me, Karai! You do all this in the name of the Shredder. ''He'' was a alien slug! How could you have known that and still serve him?! :'''Karai''': The Shredder gave me a life. He was my father, and I vow in his name, and I will hunt down those who destroyed him and make them pay with their lives! ==All Hallows Thieves== :'''Raphael''': ''(Narrating)'' Halloween in New York City. One of my favorite times of the year. A day where no matter how odd, how freaky, or scary you might be, you fit in with everyone else. A day when girls and boys all over the city dress as their favorite monsters and heroes and get free candy. A day when even a teenage mutant ninja turtle can walk around in the open. Of course, some Halloweens are filled with more tricks than treats. Maybe this year, we should've stayed home and rented scary movies. ==Samurai Tourist== :'''Miyamoto Usagi''': ''(Narrating)'' The paths we walk in life are different for each of us. Some walk the land without a care in the world while some choose to take on burdens that would crush the spirits of most. The land cares little of which path you choose. But its inhabitants are another matter entirely. Clearly, this is not our land. Gennosuke and I came to visit old friends, but I fear now that our presence has done more harm than good. <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> :'''Splinter''': Thank you, Miyamoto Usagi. When I asked you to come, I hoped you could reach him, but I fear my son is now traveling down a difficult path. A path it seems he must travel alone. :'''Usagi''': I wish you good luck, Master Splinter. Farewell, my friends. ''[pushes Kojima into the portal.]'' :'''Gennosuke''': So long boys! ''[chuckling]'' :''[Gennosuke follows Usagi into the portal. Suddenly...]'' :'''Michelangelo''': ''[scream, appears on the upper landing.]'' Stop him! Don’t let him go! :'''Donatello''': Mikey? ''[The portal vanishes.]'' :'''Raphael''': What now, shell for brains? :'''Michelangelo''': My Silver Sentry comics. Gen, he-- he took ‘em. All of ‘em. '''No!''' ==The Ancient One== * This marks the debut appearance of the Ancient One. <hr width=50%/> :'''[[w:Leonardo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Leonardo]]''': ''(Narrating)'' I've traveled thousands of miles looking for an answer, only to wind up here, halfway across the world in the middle of nowhere, battling it out with four nasty creatures, more ghosts than man, but who's steel is all too real. Meanwhile, my traveling companion, some gross slob who attached himself to me like a bloated tick, doesn't do a thing to help out. He just sits there, grinning like a fool, leaving me to fight for both our lives. I've journeyed all across the world in search for answers, and instead, all I'm gonna get is my head chopped off. <hr width=50%/> :''[The episode begins inside the turtles’ lair, as Leonardo and Splinter spar.]'' :'''Leonardo''': I already told you, I’m fine. :'''Master Splinter''': You are sure?! :''[Michelangelo lowers his comic book and grimaces.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Nothing’s the matter, Sensei. Why do you keep asking me that?! :'''Master Splinter''': So much anger. The unopened bottle will burst when its internal pressure becomes too much to bear. ''[Donatello spots Raphael at the weight bench.]'' For months now you have been brooding, surly, and stubborn. :''[Donatello appears worried.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Yeah, right. :''[Donatello and Raphael glance at one another. Shift to Splinter and Leonardo, who are sparring with swords.]'' :'''Master Splinter''': You have not been yourself. You must release what festers within you. Your family will help you, Leonardo. It is important that we be open with one another. :''[Leonardo attacks and manages to disarm Splinter. He then angrily confronts his father.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Open?! Okay, this Katana lesson stinks! I've mastered this years ago! '''YEARS AGO'''!! :'''Master Splinter''': ''[stares at him and then retrieves the sword.]'' It is not the students choice to say when a lesson is learned. ''[He attacks.]'' The student’s place is to listen and learn. :''[The sparring grows fierce and the other turtles gather to watch.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Something tells me the cork’s about to pop on that unopened bottle. :'''Raphael''': That hothead. ''[Donatello and Michelangelo look at him]'' I hate it when Leo reminds me of me. :'''Leonardo''': I've already mastered this lesson! ''[shoves Splinter.]'' And yesterday's lesson! And the lesson before that! '''WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO TEACH ME''' ''[disarms Splinter.]'' '''SOMETHING I DON'T ALREADY KNOW?!!!''' ''[slashes at Splinter and slices his head. The other turtles run to their father as he drops to one knee and grabs his head.]'' :'''Donatello''': Master Splinter! :'''Michelangelo''': Are you okay? ''[Leonardo drops his sword.]'' :'''Raphael''': Leo! What the shell is your problem!? :'''Leonardo''': ''[shoves past Raphael]'' Master! ''[and Donatello]'' Master, I’m so sorry. I-I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just… I just lost control. ''[He hangs his head.]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[Later, Master Splinter kneels in his room, which is candle lit. There is a bandage on his head. Leonardo stands in the doorway.]'' :'''Splinter''': Sit down, my son. :''[Leonardo enters, slides the door shut, and kneels before his father.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Master, I-I don’t know what to say. :'''Splinter''': Say nothing, listen. We were all badly wounded in our final confrontation with the Shredder. Your brothers and I have healed, but you have not. I have meditated long and hard on this matter, and now realize that you are correct. :'''Leonardo''': Huh? :'''Splinter''': It is time for you to move on. It is time for you to study with a new sensei. :'''Leonardo''': But-but, Master, I don’t want a new sensei. I’m happy here with you. ''[Donatello, Michelangelo and Raphael are listening at the door.]'' I know there’s so much more that you can teach me. :'''Splinter''': No, my son. It is as it must be. ''[Both stand and Splinter goes to the shelves on his back wall.]'' Now, there is but one master in all the world that I would entrust my son’s well-being to. He is wise, honorable, and highly skilled. He is called the Ancient One, ''[He looks at a picture of Hamato Yoshi.]'' and he was the sensei to my sensei, Hamato Yoshi. You must make a pilgrimage, a pilgrimage halfway across the world. :'''Leonardo''': But, Sensei… :'''Splinter''': Come, let us prepare you for your journey. <hr width=50%/> :''[He pushes Leonardo back and swings at him. As Leonardo fights, he has a flashback to Donatello, aboard Shredder’s starship during [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 3)|Exodus part 2]], as the engine starts to overload.]'' :'''Donatello''': Help me! I’m hurt! ''[echoes]'' :'''Michelangelo''': We’re not gonna make it! Leo, help me! ''[echoes]'' :'''Raphael''': Leo, the Shredder’s coming for us! You gotta do something! ''[echoes]'' :'''Splinter''': Save us, Leonardo! We are all counting on you, my son. ''[echoes]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Ancient One''': If there was nothing more you could have done, why do you punish yourself so? :'''Leonardo''': I finally understand. ''[He turns and walks back to the short man and then drops to one knee.]'' Ancient One. I am honored. :'''Ancient One''': Took you long enough, Leonardo. <hr width=50%/> :'''Ancient One''': Now, Leonardo, tell an old man just what it is you think you have learned. ''[hands a bowl to Leonardo.]'' :'''Leonardo''': I guess I’ve been… I’ve been obsessed with failing. I hardened my heart like a rock; wrapped up inside my own shell. Trying to be perfect; thinking I wasn’t good enough, that I needed to be better. So angry… so…. ''[The Ancient One raps him on the head with a bamboo stick.]'' Ow! What? :'''Ancient One''': Too many words. Explain simply. :'''Leonardo''': I’ve been my own worst enemy. :'''Ancient One''': Much better. Now, relax and enjoy your tea, and let me tell you a tale of Master Yoshi. Yoshi found himself at a crossroads, not dissimilar to your own. ==Scion of the Shredder== * [[w:Karai (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Karai]] assumes the legacy of her adopted Utrom father and becomes the new Shredder and the Ninja Turtles' sworn enemy, especially toward Leo. <hr width=50%/> :'''Donatello''': ''(Narrating)'' I've been worried a lot lately. For starters, I'm worried about the Foot. They're back... and they're tougher than ever. And... I'm worried about my brother, Leonardo. He's on a quest to parts unknown, and I'm worried he's not gonna find what he's been looking for. But mostly... I'm worried that Leo won't find us alive when he gets back. Master Splinter tells me that I worry too much. Okay, you tell me. Should I be worried? <hr width=50%/> :''[The episode opens inside the turtles’ lair. Raphael is working out on his punching bag. Donatello is strapped into a harness, suspended over the Shell Sub where he is doing some welding. Michelangelo is seated on the couch with Klunk next to him. He is stacking playing cards while Master Splinter looks on.]'' :'''Splinter''': That is an impressive edifice, Michelangelo. Dare I ask how many hours you have spent building it? :'''Michelangelo''': Good question, Sensei. Hey, Raph, what time is it? :'''Raphael''': Like I wear a watch? How should I know? Hey, Donny, what time is it? :'''Donatello''': Beats me. Ask Leo. ''[He cuts off the welding torch and his brothers stop what they are doing. Splinter lowers his head with a sigh.]'' Sorry. Leo’s been gone more than two months and I still forget he’s not here. :'''Raphael''': Master Splinter, when’s that bum coming back anyway? :''[Donatello and Raphael walk over to join the others.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': And is Leo coming back normal, or like, more normal? ‘Cause before he left he was acting kinda, you know... ''[He twirls a finger next to his temple and Raphael slaps the back of his head.]'' Ow! Hey! :'''Splinter''': I do not know, my sons. Leonardo is on a pilgrimage to find the Ancient One, and to find answers. Such things are beyond time. :'''Donatello''': Well, I miss having him around. :'''Splinter''': As do we all. We must have faith that he will return when he is ready. <hr width=50%/> :'''Ancient One''': Leonardo, your family is in grave danger. :'''Leonardo''': What?! ''[jumps up and leaps over to join the Ancient One, who nods at him.]'' I understand, Sensei. <hr width=50%/> :'''Michelangelo''': Um, what is that? :''[The turtles pull their weapons. Klunk curls around Michelangelo’s ankle.]'' :'''Raphael''': Whatever it is, it’s coming through the front door! :''[The banging continues and the heavily fortified lair entrance bulges. The lair shakes and stones fall. The door shifts to one side and a brace rips loose, then the door falls. Splinter and the turtles rush towards the ramp and watch as two huge Foot mechs, called Shrednauts, crash through the wall and enter the lair. The Shrednauts pause and Foot ninja run into the lair.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': What the...? The Foot! :'''Donatello''': But how? How did ''they'' find us? :'''Raphael''': Don’t matter how they found us, they found us. Now let’s kick the shell out of ‘em! ''[He rushes to meet some advancing ninja.]'' '''Get... out... of... my house!!''' <hr width=50%/> :'''Raphael''': Oh, shell! :'''Donatello''': No way! It can’t be him! :'''Michelangelo''': Master Splinter, any chance this is just another mystical attack? :'''Splinter''': No, my son, this is real. All too real. :'''Donnie''': The Shredder! But, the Utroms sentenced him to exile. :'''Raph''': Yeah? Well, it didn’t take. :''[The dust around the Shredder swirls and then the four Foot Elite appear.]'' :'''Karai''': Oroku Saki is gone, thanks to you, but the Shredder lives on! ''[She removes her helmet to reveal herself.]'' :'''Donnie''': Karai! :'''Splinter''': So the daughter of Oroku Saki has become the Shredder. Why? :'''Karai''': Honor demands it, Splinter-san. After you helped the vile Utroms exile my father, I vowed to avenge his honor! :'''Splinter''': You dare speak of honor!? Your father murdered my Master Yoshi! Your father had no honor! :'''Karai''': You will pay for your lie! ''All of you!!'' Where is Leonardo?! :'''Raph''': ''He'' ain't here! :'''Mikey''': You know, you just missed him, but if you leave right now, we'll tell him that you stopped by. :'''Karai''': You mock me. The fact that you still live mocks me!! ''[She dons the helmet.]'' That all ends now! ''Destroy them!'' Leave no one alive. <hr width80%> :'''Splinter''': Master Yoshi's orb. ''[Karai brakes it]'' No!! :'''Karai''': Your sons destroyed my father! Now I will repay them in kind! I begged Leonardo to let him go, but ''he'' would not listen to reason!! :'''Splinter''': It is ''you'' who has been blinded to reason! Oroku Saki was a murderer! But ''you'' will ''not'' allow yourself to see the truth!! :'''Karai''': I see clearly, rat! and you will pay for what you have done to me! :''[They fight.]'' :'''Splinter''': I reached out to you! I hoped that you would turn away from evil, but I can see now that has consumed you!! ''[Karai slashes his shoulder.]'' Ugh! ''[steps back]'' You are faster than your father. I will give you that, but your dark heart will betray you, just as ''his'' did!! :''[She strikes him hard enough to expel him from the room. Karai stalks towards him as Splinter lays on the ground.]'' :'''Karai''': You are not even worthy to speak of my father, rodent!! ''[grabs him by his robe and lifts him off the ground.]'' I will silence your treacherous tongue once and for all!! ''[She draws back an arm to strike. Raphael pushes himself up from the ground and sees them.]'' :'''Raphael''': '''NO!!''' :'''Donatello''': Master Splinter! :''[Raphael races forward and leaps at Karai, who spins around and hits him, dropping Splinter in the process. Donatello runs at her and jumps, kicking her to the ground, which causes Karai to lose her helmet. She doesn’t move and Donatello helps Splinter stand up. He is joined by Raphael and Michelangelo.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Master Splinter! :'''Donatello''': We have to get out of here. :''[They all spin around at another loud crashing sound, to find the lair filled with enemies, all of them staring at the mutant family.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Uh, easier said than done. :'''Raphael''': Donnie, you take Master Splinter with you. We split up, get out, and hook back up again topside. Got it? ''[They jump as a Shrednaut strikes the ledge they were on.]'' Now let’s go! And guys, be careful. <hr width80%> <hr width80%> <hr width80%> :'''Michelangelo''': Klunk? ''[Klunk meow]'' Where are you, Klunk? ''[He ducks a laser blast and then looks up to see Klunk standing on an overhead rafter.]'' Ah! Hang on, Klunk, I’m coming! ''[He leaps and climbs until he reaches the cat.]'' I got you pal. Mikey’s here. :''[He picks up Klunk and then spots a Shrednaut taking aim at him. It fires and Michelangelo jumps for a rope, which he climbs while Klunk clings to his shell. Still dodging blasts from the Shrednaut, Michelangelo leaps for a fire escape ladder which he rides down to the floor below. Jumping off the ladder, he hops from Foot ninja to Foot ninja, bouncing off of their shoulders, before spin kicking one down and landing on the ground. He turns to find a Shrednaut aiming at him. Michelangelo darts between the legs of another Shrednaut and rolls to a stop at a ramp. Holding Klunk, he runs as a Shrednaut pulverizes a support column and the rocks tumble down. Michelangelo races into the next room and the Shrednaut follows. Parked along one wall is the Turtle Tunneler. Michelangelo is inside with Klunk.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Don’t worry, Klunk. I’ve got a plan. ''[Klunk hops into his lap.]'' Here we go. :''[He starts the Tunneler’s engine and fires up the front laser drill. As he drives towards a back wall, the Shrednaut opens fire. The Tunneler drills its way into the sewer tunnels and drives away, but the Shrednaut enters the tunnel and gives chase.]'' <hr width80%> :''[Meanwhile, the elevator reaches the garage above the lair. When the elevator door opens, Raphael walks out slowly, and then drops to all fours, breathing hard. Behind him, the Foot ninja are all unconscious. Suddenly the garage door opens and Raphael looks up to see more Foot ninja approaching.]'' :'''Raphael''': You gotta be kidding me. :''[The Foot ninja race towards him and Raphael jumps up to run for the Battle Shell. He enters just as the ninja throw several throwing stars at him, all of them hitting the door. Raphael starts the engine and then fires a missile at the Foot ninja blocking the door. With the path cleared, Raphael drives out of the garage and onto the city streets.]'' <hr width80%> :''[Meanwhile, Karai is still inside the lair.]'' :'''Karai''': In the name of Oroku Saki, ''Find them!!'' They must not be allowed to live. ''[The Foot bow to her and run to do her bidding.]'' And tear this filthy place apart, Leave nothing standing! :''[The Shrednauts begin firing, taking down support pillars and blasting the ceiling with missiles. Karai laughs as the turtles’ home is destroyed.]'' <hr width80%> :''[To the river, where Donatello, piloting the Shell Sub, is trying to shake his pursuers. The Foot fire torpedoes.]'' :'''Donatello''': Hold on, Master Splinter. :''He pulls back hard on the steering column and the Shell Sub goes straight up. The torpedoes hit each other and explode. The Foot manage to get in front of him and one fires his torpedoes, scoring a direct hit on the underbelly of the Shell Sub. The sub flips over, water beginning to drip into the interior.'' :'''Donatello''': I don’t have enough firepower to fight all of them. Unless… ''[glances at a set of controls.]'' Hang on, Master Splinter. I’ve got an idea. :''[He presses a set of buttons and the Shell Sub rights itself. Torpedoes launch and fire directly into the river bottom, where they raise a dust cloud. Donatello manages to keep the sub upright and land it at the center of the dust cloud. River bottom dirt covers the sub as it settles on the bottom. The Foot converge on the spot where it went down. Inside, Donatello forces open the door and water floods into the cabin. He gives the diving gear to Splinter and then takes a deep breath before kicking a gear and then swimming out of the sub. Suddenly, the Shell Sub emerges and shoots straight upwards. Donatello and Splinter peek up out of the dirt to watch the Foot go after it and fire multiple torpedoes, all of which hit the sub. It explodes, and the remains sink to the river bottom.]'' :'''Underwater Foot Ninja''': Mistress Karai, Donatello and the rat have been destroyed. :'''Karai''': ''[on radio]'' Excellent. Most excellent. :''[The Foot leave. Donatello and Splinter pass the breathing mask back and forth as they swim for the surface.]'' <hr width80%> :''[Michelangelo punches through a wall with the Tunneler and enters the subway tunnels. He drives straight across tracks and drills through another wall to reach another sewer tunnel, with the Shrednaut in hot pursuit. he opens the door]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Hang on, Klunk! ''[jumps out of the Tunneler and dives for cover in the side tunnel. The Tunneler speeds away with the Shrednaut in pursuit. The Shrednaut fires several missiles and hits the Tunneler, which rolls over and crashes.]'' :'''Foot Technician''': Foot Mech Four to Base. Michelangelo is finished. :'''Karai''': ''[on radio]'' Excellent. :''[Michelangelo runs away from the area, carrying Klunk with him.]'' <hr width80%> :'''Karai''': ''[Cut to an overhead view of the city.]'' All that remains is Leonardo. ==Prodigal Son== * Leo becomes less trustful towards Karai since this episode. However, he still appears to have feelings for her as he spared her life. <hr width80%> :'''[[w:Karai (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Karai]]''': ''(Praying)'' Honorable father, though you are imprisoned among the stars, I bring you news that will set free your soul. I, your humble daughter, Karai, discovered the lair of your most hated enemies and led a full Foot attack force against them. Utterly defeated, all they could was flee. Donatello and the rat we left destroyed at the bottom of the river. Michelangelo tried to burrow his way into safety, but he could not dig deep enough to escape my wrath. And Raphael was blown to smithereens in the turtles' own Battle Shell. All that remains is Leonardo, father, and once I find him, then you will truly and forever be avenged! <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': Man! I really missed this old place. ''[sees the ruins of the Lair]'' Oh no, the lair!! ''[strips off his coat and draws a katana before entering.]'' No!! What happened here!? ''[picks up a broken Shell Cell, looks around, and continues on, finding that the lair has almost been completely destroyed. Poised on a ledge above, a Shrednaut’s lights come on. It captures Leonardo’s presence in its view screen and jumps down in front of him. The Foot Technician inside the Shrednaut opens fire, but Leonardo leaps to safety and pulls his second sword.]'' '''You dare come into my home and do this?!!''' ''[jumps at the control pod where the Technician sits and slices into it, causing the Shrednaut to tumble backwards and power down. Leonardo then slices open the harness which holds the Technician in his seat. Leonardo spots the emblem on the Technician’s shirt.]'' The Foot. ''[grabs the Technician by the shirt front and lifts him.]'' '''My family, where are they?!!''' :'''Foot Technician''': You’ll get nothing from me! :''[He presses a button and sparks begin to fly from the Shrednaut’s body. Leonardo leaps away and the Technician flees the machine. Leonardo races out of the lair as the Shrednaut overloads and explodes. The explosion sends Leonardo flying partway down the tunnel, but he is unhurt.]'' :'''Leonardo''': I need some answers. <hr width=50%/> :'''April O'Neil''': ''[from her warning note]'' Leo, I'm so sorry. I not sure what to say, the others are... Karai said she got them all. ''She'' left this. She says your next. Be careful. :'''Leonardo''': No! It can't be! Karai is ''lying!'' They’re alive, I know it! <hr width=50%/> :''[At the Foot Headquarters. A helicopter comes in for a landing and Karai steps out. A Foot ninja meets her and delivers a report.]'' :'''Foot Ninja''': Mistress Karai, we just received the report. The Shrednaut unit stationed in the turtles’ lair was destroyed. :'''Karai''': Leonardo. Deploy all available Foot ninja. Search the city. ''Destroy him!'' ''[The ninja bows and leaves.]'' This night my beloved father will truly be avenged! <hr width=50%/> :''[Leonardo enters an abandoned building through the broken skylight. Behind him, Donatello sees only a shadowed form and draws his bō. Hearing the sound, Leonardo draws a sword and spins around.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Donny? It’s me. :'''Donatello''': Ah, Leo. ''[limps towards his brother.]'' You’re back! :''[They shake hands in greeting.]'' :'''Leonardo''': You okay? :'''Splinter''': My son. :'''Leonardo''': Master Splinter. ''[His father comes out of the shadows, holding his side.]'' I knew it. I knew you were both alive. Don’t worry, Sensei, everything’s gonna be okay. I promise. :'''Donatello''': Oh man, it’s good to see you, bro’. :'''Leonardo''': We have to get both of you out of here before any more Foot show up. <hr width=50%/> :''[Cut to a long range view of {{w|Belvedere Castle}}. A manhole cover slides into place on a trail in {{w|Central Park}}. In the tunnels below, Leonardo leads the way, illuminating their path with his flashlight.]'' :'''Leonardo''': We need to find a safe place for you two to rest and recuperate. Some place far from the old lair. ''[He brushes the dirt off of a sign which reads “Reservoir Pump Station”. Following the arrow on the sign, the trio find a boarded up entrance. he removes the boards and then opens the metal door. He flashes the light around before descending a short set of stairs onto a metal catwalk. The space is huge, with catwalks leading in several directions.]'' This oughta do for now. :'''Donatello''': This must be one of the earlier pumping stations for the reservoir. I think I’ve seen it on some of the old city planning. ''[He looks around at the expansive space and whistles.]'' Very nice! :'''Splinter''': Leonardo, now that Donatello and I are safe… :'''Leonardo''': I’m already on it, Master Splinter. I’ll find them. ''[He races out of the station.]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Raphael''': I ''can't'' believe Karai did this to '''''us!''''' I can't believe ''she'' and the Foot tooked '''''our home!''''' :'''Leonardo''': Listen, Raph, nothing is permanent. We have to flow with change. :'''Master Splinter''': Perhaps Leonardo has learned a thing or two from the Ancient One. ''[He and Leonardo look at one another.]'' Yes, I can see it in your eyes. I have my son back. And I can see something else in your eyes. Please be careful, my son. She will be well guarded, and her skills are much improved. :'''Leonardo''': So are mine, sensei. I’ll be fine, I promise. Now, get some rest. I’m gonna go get some food and supplies. I’ll be back. :'''Raphael''': Hey, Leo, bring back some sodas or something. :'''Michelangelo''': And some pizza and Chinese food ''[Klunk meow]'' and some kibble. <hr width=50%/> :''[Karai is inside the Oroku Saki Memorial Library in full Shredder armor, sans the helmet. She approaches Oroku Saki’s statue, kneels and removes the covering from a katana. This she places in the stand which is at the feet of the statue. As soon as she sets the sword in place, the “Sewer Sweet Sewer” plaque whips through the air and impales the sword stand.]'' :'''Leonardo''': ''[coldly]'' Hello, Karai. Got your message. :'''Karai''': I am impressed. Security here is very tight, yet here you are, undetected. :''[Leonardo hops down and takes up a defensive posture.]'' :'''Leonardo''': So, you are the new Shredder? :''[Karai places the helmet on her head and turns.]'' :'''Karai''': Yes. ''[draws her sword]'' And I am your doom! :''[Leonardo pulls one of his swords as well.]'' :'''Leonardo:''' You have gone too far this time, Karai!! :'''Karai:''' Not far enough! Not until you lie broken and battered at my feet! Only then will my father truly be avenged! Make no mistake, Leonardo, son of Splinter, hated enemy of my father. Your path ends here! :''[leaps at him and he rushes to meet her attack. Their swords clash and they push against each other.]'' :'''Leonardo:''' I remember when we first met, Karai! We fought side by side and I said you were nothing like the Shredder! ''[He falls back, pulling her down and rolling until she is on her back and he is standing over her.]'' I thought you understood honor, but I was wrong! ''You're exactly like him!! You understand '''nothing!!''''' :''[She kicks him off, but he does a handspring and regains his feet. Leonardo catches her sword on his and quickly disarms her, sending her sword flying onto the arms of the statue. She takes a swing at him, but he ducks and pulls her second sword from her belt.]'' :'''Karai''': No, you will pay. You must pay! ''[She tries to slash him with her Tekkō-kagi, but he ducks. Karai squats and launches the weighted end of her Manriki-gusari at him. It wraps around the handle of her stolen sword and she flips backwards, her weight pulling the weapon from his hand. She throws the sword behind her and drops the hook end of the Manriki-gusari into her other hand. Spinning it, she charges and throws the weapon. Leonardo pulls his second katana, leaps, and slices through the chain.]'' No! I must have my revenge! ''[She runs but Leonardo pursues. As she turns, he flips through the air at her, slicing several times. Karai’s helmet falls into several pieces, shocking her.]'' :'''Leonardo:''' Your own anger defeats you, Karai. ''[stands with his back to her.]'' You remind me of a Turtle I used to know. :'''Karai:''' ''[takes a couple of steps back, and grabs the communication device from her belt.]'' Security to the library… ''[Before she can finish, Leonardo slashes across the device, destroying it. As it falls, Leonardo, who has gotten behind her, places his katana near her head. He taps on her shoulder with the sword and she drops to her knees.]'' Go ahead. Do it! Finish me! :'''Leonardo:''' No. ''[Still kneeling, Karai turns as he sheathes his swords.]'' I'm giving you one last chance to do the right thing, Karai. Don't waste it. ''[walks over to Saki’s statue.]'' And Karai, ''[leaps]'' ''stay away [grabs Saki’s sword] from my '''family!!''''' ''[slashes at the statue and tosses the sword so that it sticks into the floor in front of Karai. As he races away]'' :''[The statue’s head falls, having been sliced away from the body. It bounces and rolls across the floor, coming to a stop in front of Karai. Suddenly the room is flooded with Foot ninjas.]'' :'''Foot Ninja''': Mistress Karai! Is everything all right?! :''[Karai looks up to see two of the upper window panels flapping in the breeze.]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[Leonardo returns to the new lair carrying a duffel bag.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Did someone mention food? ''[takes two containers from the bag.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Chinese food for breakfast? ''[He and Donatello both catch a container.]'' Works for me. :''[Kneeling, Leonardo hands a container of food to Raphael and then stands to walk over to Splinter.]'' :'''Leonardo''': I’ve checked it out and this seems like a safe place, Master Splinter. We could stay here, maybe even fix it up a bit. :'''Splinter''': It is as the great sage, Shinto Sakamoto said, home is where you hang your hat. :''[Leonardo kneels before him and takes an ornate walking stick from his bag.]'' :'''Leonardo''': This walking stick is said to have come from a very ancient and mystic tree. ''[He presents the stick to Splinter, who takes it from him.]'' I got it with the Ancient One. I’ve carried it all this way for you. :'''Splinter''': Ah, a very gracious gift. ''[They bow to one another.]'' Thank you, Leonardo. Welcome home. ==Outbreak== :'''Agent Bishop''': ''(Narrating)'' For too long, our world, our history, has been influenced by extraterrestrial threats. I know this all too well. My purpose has always been clear: Defend against the threat. Rebuild humanity to resist invasion. It hasn't always been easy. There are tough choices that need to be made. Someone has to stop this alien plague. It was a vow I made long ago. And I intend to keep it. <hr width=50%/> :'''Michelangelo''': Ugh. Next time I’ll take lookout duty. :'''Raphael''': Great. More of Karai's Foot ninja. We should be out hunting them, not the other way around. :'''Leonardo''': We’ll handle Karai, Raph, but on our terms, not hers. We’ll handle whatever comes our way. <hr width=50%/> :'''Raphael''': You okay, bro’? ''[helps Donatello up.]'' :'''Donatello''': Thanks. :'''Michelangelo''': Don, Raph, watch out! :''[They turn to see several tentacles shooting towards them. Raphael shoves Donatello out of the way.]'' :'''Raphael''': Move! :''[Raphael avoids the tentacles, but one of the spikes strikes Donatello’s thigh.]'' :'''Donatello''': Oh! :''[Raphael pins the tentacle with his sai.]'' :'''Donatello''': My leg. :'''Raphael''': You okay? :'''Donatello''': Yeah, just a nick. Uh, thanks again. ==Trouble with Augie== * This marks the only appearance of Professor August O'Neil, an uncle of [[w:April O'Neil|April O'Neil]] and is the only appearance of Robyn O'Neil, a sister of April. <hr width=50%/> :'''April O'Neil''': ''(Narrating)'' The man in the hat is my uncle Augie. Uncle Augie didn't just teach me math and science, he taught me to love them. If it wasn't for him, I never would've have gotten my college degree in math. Uncle Augie was always coming and going, off on adventures, but we made the most of our time together. Then one day, uncle Augie just disappeared and he never came back. I'd give anything to see my uncle Augie again. I know he's alive and somehow, someway, I'm going to find him. <hr width=50%/> :'''Mikey''': Especially since Karai the new miss Shredder showed up at your shop. ==Insane in the Membrane== * This marks the only appearance of Baxter Stockman's mother in flashbacks. <hr width=50%/> :''[Montage of Stockman's accomplishments accompanied by his voice over]'' :'''[[w:Baxter Stockman|Baxter Stockman]]''': ''(Narrating)'' Once, long ago, I, Dr. Baxter Stockman, was a whole man. With a brilliant mind and an able body! In the scientific community, I was unequalled! Throughout the world, I was renowned, revered, worshipped! But it all went wrong, horribly, horribly wrong. My genius fell under the control of cruel-minded brutes. :''[Flashback of Shredder ordering Hun to drag Stockman away.]'' :'''Baxter Stockman''': No, '''NOOOOOOOOOO!''' :''[We see Hun, from Stockman's POV, thrusting a saw in his face, and the image shatters as it makes contact. A montage of Stockman's various injuries plays until we see him as just a brain in a jar]'' :'''Baxter Stockman''': ''(Narrating)'' They whittled me away, piece by piece, limb by limb, until I was reduced to nearly nothing. ''[Stockman, in his deteriorated form, approaches the camera menacingly]'' But those simpletons aren't to blame. I finally know who's responsible for my downfall, and now, with my new body, I will finally have my revenge! <hr width=50%/> :'''Baxter Stockman''': [Driven to madness and desperation] This experiment is a catastrophe. (As he slams his hands on the floor which it cracks) Uh! HOW could I have been so stupid? Why was I in such a rush? Why didn't I listen to agent Bishop? [Rips off his lab coat in rage] WHY?! Why am I a failure, my whole life?! Oh, mama. I made such promise. (Reminiscing) Where did it all go wrong?! Where? ''[The scene turns red and blue as all of Stockman's enemies appear in his mind, reminscing his time with them. First, we cut to Shredder and some Baxter's injuries.]'' A horrible degradation at the hands of the Shredder. ''[Cut to Hun, who looks grumpily at camera with Purple Dragons behind his back.]'' His horrific bug, Hun! ''[Cut to the turtles]'' And those despicable turtles! No! No! [Camera pans to April, who points at something and then...] Before then… It was her! I trusted her and ''she'' betrayed me! ''[Cut to the turtles (in shadows) and April. Raphael is seen kicking robot Stockman.]'' SHE brought in those turtles and ruined everything, my glorious mousers failed because of her and that failure is what brought the Shredder's wrath down upon me! Yes! She's responsible, ''she'' did this to me. (He picks up the whole table, throws at machinery and brakes) And ''she'' is the one who will pay!! <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> :'''Casey Jones''': He just busted in he knocked me out when I woke up they were gone, all I remember is him saying something about going back to where this all started. :'''Raphael''': Where it all started? :'''Leonardo''': Stocktronics, ''[To Stockman continues to carry April to his old lab building now abandoned, offscreen]'' the lab where he and April first worked together it has to be. <hr width=50%/> :'''Mrs. Stockman''': Baxter, ''[coughing]'' I'm sorry baby doll Mama's just worn out, I guess this old body just can't take it, I so wanted to see you grow up and be a fine man, I did ''[coughing]'' Remember the sky's the limit for you boy, I love you Baxter. ''[dies]'' :'''Young Baxter Stockman''': No, Mama! Don't leave me. Mama! Mama! <hr width=50%/> :'''Leo''': Let her go, Stockman! :'''Baxter Stockman''': April? You, you betrayed me! :'''Donnie''': Run, April! Get out of here! :'''Baxter Stockman''': No! She can't leave, I forbid it! :'''Mikey''': You asked for it, Dr. Stockman-Stein! <hr width=50%/> :'''Raph''': There they are! :'''Mikey''': On the cable car! <hr width=50%/> :'''Stockman''': Now we can finally set things right. :'''April''': Doctor Stockman, please don’t this, can you remember when your work helped people when it was about the science? You were a brilliant man the sky was the limit for you Doctor Stockman. :'''Stockman''': ''[starts hallucinating again.]'' Mama? ''[sees April as his mother.]'' :'''Baxter Stockman's mother''': The sky was the limit you were such a good boy, you had so much potential, what happened to you baby doll? ''[sees her as herself again]'' :'''April''': You were someone I admired, someone I respected and you can be again. :'''Baxter Stockman''': Mama what have I done? :''[The coupling of the cable car continues to break]'' :'''April''': Doctor. :''[Stockman hallucinates April as his mother again.]'' :'''Baxter Stockman's mother''': Baxter. :'''April''': Please. :''[The cable car shakes and she trips backwards.]'' :'''Baxter Stockman''': (gasps) Mama, Mama. :'''Casey''': April! :'''Baxter Stockman''': ''[still hallucinates April as his mother]'' Mama. You've got to get off of here, Mama it's not safe. ''[He comes to April and picks her, Casey climbs down the cable and grabs April.]'' Hurry Mama, ''[Casey places his around April and they both look at Stockman]'' hurry! I love you, Mama! I… ''[The coupling brakes from the cable and the cable car falls in to the river]'' I… Ahhh! :''[The slash is heard as April cries over Stockman's "death", the turtles pull the cable getting Casey and April to safety inside the copter.]'' :'''Mikey''': Man, you think that's the end of Stockman? :'''Leo''': We've seen him come back from worse. Only time will tell. :'''Raph''': Well, I say it good riddance! That psycho's giving us nothing, but grief, ever since we met him! :'''Donnie''': I dunno, at least he gave us this neat chopper... sort of. Now, let's just find a place to park it. ==Return of Savanti== ===Part 1 [4.20]=== :'''Donatello''': ''(Narrating)'' My name is Donatello and right now I can't help but think of an old saying: Be careful what you wish for. All my life, I've been fascinated with what they call "terrible lizards" and "thunder beasts". Dinosaurs. But now, amazingly, I got my wish. Here I am in the Cretaceous Period, 65 million years ago, finally seeing them with my own two eyes, while running for my life. So be careful what you wish for, or, just like the dinosaurs, you might find yourself facing sudden extinction. ===Part 2 [4.21]=== :'''Savanti Romero''': ''(Narrating)'' Eons ago, I was on the verge of ultimate power. With the omnipotent Time Scepter, I, Savanti Romero, was going to rule all of time. That is, until Lord Simultaneous thwarted my plan. He turned me into a monster and exiled me from null time to Earth's Middle Ages where he hoped never to hear from me again. But instead, I plotted: Summoning all my magic, I tried again to take the time scepter and use it against Lord Simultaneous. But thanks to the interference of those accursed ninja turtles and that foolish timestress Renet, my victory was denied and Simultaneous exiled me once more, even further in time to Earth's Cretaceous Period, but that did not stop me. Again, I gathered my magic and lured my prey back through time. Savanti Romero will not be denied his revenge. The timestress will pay for her meddling. The time scepter will finally be mine. As for the turtles, they have no idea of the changes that are about to befall them. ==Tale of Master Yoshi== * This marks the only appearance of [[w:Tang Shen|Tang Shen]], and Yukio Mashimi in flashbacks. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' Honor. Integrity. Bushido. These were the ideals that drove Master Splinter's beloved master: Hamato Yoshi. He had traveled far to reach this castle fortress only to find four Foot elite warriors barring his way. But four or four hundred, it mattered not for on this particular night, Yoshi was driven by a powerful force unfamiliar to him. Hatred. Hatred that burned so bright it threatened to destroy him. Hatred born out of the need for revenge. <hr width=50%/> :'''Donatello''': I know! Maybe Leo should tell us about the Ancient One. :'''Raphael''': Yeah, Leo. I want to know the other things you learned on how to kick butt. :'''Leonardo''': Well, I wouldn't know where to start, but there is one story I think you might want to hear... about Master Splinter's master, Hamato Yoshi. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': It's a story about a girl. :'''Raphael''': A girl? Does she kick butt? :'''Master Splinter''': Raphael. Please, continue, Leonardo. :'''Leo''': Okay. Our story begins long ago in the 1960s. Japan was just getting back on its feet. :'''Michelangelo''': After an attack by [[Godzilla]]? :'''Leo''': No. After its defeat in [[w:World War II|World War II]]. It was not uncommon to see young orphaned boys in the streets, begging for food and money. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' So the Ancient One took Yoshi and his friend into his home, and trained them in the ways of ninjitsu, and treated them as if they were his own sons. As they grew into young men, they became closer than brothers, best of friends who do everything together. They even fell in love at the same time, with the same girl - [[w:Tang Shen|Tang Shen]]. They were crazy about her. Tang Shen was also an orphan raised by the Ancient One. It was her loving care that made the Ancient One's house into a home and that often brought unexpected visitors to her kitchen. :'''Tang Shen''': Mashimi, no! :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' But Tang Shen saw a hungry innocent creature and, as always, her first thought was to care for it. She decided to keep the curious rat as a pet. Seeing that Tang Shen had grown fond of the hungry little visitor, Yoshi had built a home for the newest member of their family. Although, Tang Shen had captured both the boys' hearts, it was clear that her heart belonged to only one of them - Yoshi. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' But the Ancient One was dead set against it. :'''Ancient One''': Ha, no. The Guardians are no place for you. You must ''not'' do this. Yoshi, a different destiny awaits you. Neither of you are ready. You need much more training. :'''Yukio Mashimi''': Sensei, we are more than ready. :'''Ancient One''': In body perhaps, but it is your heart and mind that still need training, my son. :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': The Guardians are an honorable force for good, Sensei. I want to help them. :''[Tang Shen peers through the doorway into the dojo.]'' :'''Ancient One''': No. I forbid you to ''join'' the Guardians. ''[leaves]'' That is my ''final'' word. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' Though his friendship with Mashimi began to diminish, Yoshi's bond with Tang Shen grew stronger than ever, but the coils of jealousy were winding tighter and tighter in Mashimi's soul until... something snapped. :''[A crack of thunder is followed by rain. Tang Shen lifts her arms to welcome it.]'' :'''Yukio Mashimi''': Tang Shen! :'''Tang Shen''': Oh, Mashimi, you startled me. ''[?]'' What, what is wrong with you? :''[Inside his dojo the little rat munches on a crumb when the sound of Tang Shen’s scream cuts the air. The Ancient One is nearby and runs for the door.]'' :'''Ancient One''': Tang Shen? ''[runs outside, looking for her.]'' Tang Shen! ''[He then spots her prone form.]'' Oh no! Tang Shen! <hr width=50%/> :'''Shredder''': Secure all the exits. Let none escape. :''[Mashimi, now wearing the garb of the Foot, steps up next to Shredder.]'' :'''Mortu''': Mashini, ''you'' have betrayed ''us!''? :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': Mashimi, why? :'''Yukio Mashimi''': How dare ''you'' ask why! ''You'' betrayed ''me!'' We were like brothers, but you had everything and left me with nothing!! Now I take everything from you, including your life!! <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' Yoshi returned to tell Tang Shen all that had happened, only to find out the horrible truth. :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': Tang Shen!? No! '''NOOOO!!''' ''[echoes]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[at Shen's grave]'' :'''Ancient One''': This is all my fault. I knew Mashimi had a dark streak in his heart. :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': It is not your fault, Master. It is Mashimi's fault and he shall pay with his life!! :'''Ancient One''': Be careful, my son. Vengeance is like a splinter that will poison your mind and heart. <hr width=50%/> :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': Yukio Mashimi, I have come for you! Show yourself, ''traitor!'' :'''Shredder''': ''[sits on his throne.]'' Mashimi. :''[Mashimi steps out in front of the stairs leading up to Shredder’s throne.]'' :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': Mashimi, ''I'' challenge ''you'' to a ''duel'', assassin!! :'''Yukio Mashimi''': A duel!? Ha! You have unknowingly stepped into the lion's den, Yoshi! I do not need to fight you! We outnumber you!! :'''Shredder''': You are mistaken, Yukio Mashimi. You stand alone. Defeat Hamato Yoshi and I will forgive our humiliating retreat from the Utrom base. Only if you defeat Yoshi will I let you live. :'''Yukio Mashimi''': As you wish, Master. ''[walks over to where Yoshi waits and strikes a defensive posture.]'' So, Yoshi, our story comes full circle! It began with the two of us and it will end with just the two of us!! :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': This story will only end with one of us, Mashimi!! <hr width=50%/> :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': Well, little one. I will name you Splinter. And together, we will remind ourselves of Tang Shen. Of her beauty, her kindness, and love. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': Well, I think we all know the rest of the story. :'''Michelangleo''': Man! What a bummer story. :'''Master Splinter''': Perhaps, Michelangelo, but perhaps not. It not for these events, I would never have been brought to New York. :'''Donatello''': And the Utroms would never have had to relocate here either, meaning no ooze. :'''Raphael''': No us. <hr width=50%/> :''[Present Day Japan. The Ancient One approaches a home. Inside, a gate rises and he proceeds down a long flight of stairs. He enters a large chamber, lit by fire sconces mounted around the center of a circular area. He bows.]'' :'''Ancient One''': I have come to plead for the turtles. You must not carry out your designs. :''[From the darkness, a pair of blue eyes light up. It is one of the Ninja Tribunal.]'' :'''Juto-Shisho''': You are too late, Ancient One. :''[From another side, the bright eyes are green.]'' :'''Chikara-Shisho''': We have decided. :''[Yet a third set of eyes, silver in color, appears.]'' :'''Kon-Shisho''': We will judge the turtles’ fate. We will determine whether they will live... :'''Juto-Shisho''': Or how they will meet their end. :''[The Ancient One bows.]'' ==<span style=color:purple>'''The Mutated Era of Donatello'''</span>== ===Adventures in Turtle Sitting=== :'''Leonardo''' ''[narrating]'': Things are not good, and they're getting worse by the second. We could really use good old Donnie right about now. Ever since Bishop's mutant outbreak began, Don's been the one guiding us through this whole mess. Coming up with all the answers. :''[Michelangelo gets hit]'' :'''Raph''': Mikey! :'''Leo''': ''[narrating]'' There have been ''hundreds'' of times we'd've been turtle-waxed... if Don's brains hadn't bailed us out. :'''Leo''': ''[sees Raph getting grabbed a monster]'' Raph! :'''Leo''': ''[narrating]'' It's too bad Don's not here now, because this is definitely one of those times. <hr width=50%/> :'''April''': Now who could that be? [She opens the doors to find the Michelangelo, Leonardo and Raphael standing there.] Guys! Hey, this is...unexpected. Guys! Hey, this is...unexpected. :'''Leonardo''': Sorry, April, but we’re on our way to a possible mutant outbreak at the power plant and— :'''Donatello''': Achoo! ''[groans, leans against the doorframe, looking weak and with dark bags under his eyes.]'' :'''April''': Whoa. Don, you look greener than usual. A lot greener than usual. :'''Donnie''': I know, I-- ''[blows his nose.]'' I've picked up this little bug and I haven't been able to shake it. ''[blows nose]'' I was feeling alright, but I just can't handle mutants right now. :'''Mikey''': Did you figure that out before, or after you barfed in the Battle Shell? :'''Raph''': Mikey! ''[slaps Mikey in the head]'' :'''Mikey''': OW! :'''Raph''': ''Adults'' are talking. April, can you keep an eye on Donnie for us? :'''Donnie''': Achoo! ''[blows his nose.]'' :'''April''': Of course Don can stay here. I mean, we weren’t going anywhere anyway. :'''Casey''': Bro’, you are seriously cramping my style here. :'''Donnie''': Sorry. :'''April''': You guys have been on monster patrol for weeks. What’s the plan, clean up all the mutants in Manhattan? :'''Leo''': Well, no. This outbreak is way more than four turtles can handle. We’re just trying to keep it from spreading. :'''April''': Well, go get ‘em guys. We’ll watch Don. :'''Leo''': Donnie, take it easy bro’. ''[The other turtles depart.]'' :'''Donnie''': Good lu-uh-uh-achoo! Achoo! :'''Casey''': Uh! ''[slaps his forehead as Donatello groans.]'' Come on, sickly mutant ninja turtle, you better lie down before you fall down. ''[helps Donatello lie down on the couch and then covers him with a blanket.]'' There. Comfy? <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': Okay, Mikey, you take the left. Don, you cover me on— :'''Michelangelo''': Uh, Don’s home sick from school today, Leo. :'''Leonardo''': Right. Raph, you cover me on the right. And remember guys, just contain them, do not splatter them. :'''Raphael''': We know the drill. Can't have that cream filling spillin' out, infecting other creatures with their freako DNA. The last thing we need is more genetic rejects. I mean, we've already got Mikey. :''[It's loving brother time!]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[after Donatello mutates]'' :'''April O'Neil''': This is crazy! :'''Casey Jones''': What do we do?! :'''April''': It's Don right? Try talking to him! :'''Casey''': Talk to him, are you nuts!? He's a savage, freaky monster and '''YOU JUST WHACKED HIM IN THE FACE WITH A BROOM!!!''' :''[Casey being the voice of reason]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Stockman''': I-- I don’t understand. What’s happened? What have you done to me? :'''Agent Bishop''': I had your brain recovered from the bottom of New York’s East River after your misguided sabbatical. While I could do without your personality, I do need your brain. The outbreak is getting worse by the minute, and I expect you to use that powerful mind of yours to clean it up. :'''Stockman''': I-- I-- I can’t believe... oh. I can’t believe you brought me back this. Why? Why? [He gets off the table and stands on shaky legs before falling.] Why couldn’t you let me finally rest in peace? Why?! <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': What was that thing? :'''Raphael''': And where’s Don? :'''Michelangelo''': Did that monster get Don? :'''April''': Guys, that monster is Don. :'''Michelangelo''': Say what? :'''April''': That thing you just fought is Don. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leatherhead''': I regret to say... I cannot cure him. :'''Mikey''': What?! NO!! :'''Raphael''': '''MAN, I AM GONNA TAKE BISHOP AND RAM MY FOOT SO FAR...''' :'''Leonardo''': Easy, Raph! We'll find cure, but first we got to capture Don before he hurts himself or anyone else. :''[Raph almost says something inappropriate for kids]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Michelangelo''': Oh ugly, mutated-version-of-my-beloved-brother DONATELLOOOO, where are youuu~?! ''[He hears growling.]'' Donny?! :''[Mutant Donatello appears rounds a turn, sees Michelangelo, and charges.]'' :'''Mikey''': Like, ZOINKS!! :''[Michelangelo dodges a swing, leaps over Donatello’s head, and runs. Donatello chases him. Michelangelo catches onto a hole in the ceiling of the tunnel and one handed swings through into the tunnel above. He turns and looks back, but sees no Donatello. Arming his weapon, he walks back towards the hole. Suddenly Donatello bursts through and Michelangelo screams and runs.]'' :'''Mikey''': Oh, Humna, humna, humna, humna, humna, humna, humna, humna! WHOA! :''[mutant Donatello keeps swinging his fists to Michelangelo, who keeps dodging them by swinging back and forward]'' :'''Mikey''': Now I know how a piñata feels! ''[dodge another fist swing]'' AND I DON'T LIKE IT! Whoa, Don! Come on, quit it! ''[Raph and Leo arrive.]'' A little help here, guys? :'''Raphael''': Whoa, mama! Don’s been taking his vitamins. ''[Donatello punches Michelangelo and flings him down at the feet of his brothers.]'' I’m really sorry about this, Donny! :''[He jumps down in front of Donatello and swings at him with his capture claw weapon.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Remember, this is Don. Do not hurt him! :''[Raphael hops around as Donatello tries to slash him.]'' :'''Raphael''': That’s not gonna be a problem, Leo! :''Donatello straightens and roars. Leonardo kicks his carapace and when Donatello turns, Raphael kicks him. Donatello falls forward onto his hands and knees.'' :'''Leonardo''': Leatherhead, you’re on. :''[Leatherhead leaps out of hiding and runs towards Donatello, who has risen to his feet. Leatherhead plows into him, grabs and lifts him off his feet. Donatello tries to snap at him. Leatherhead shoves him into the containment unit and Michelangelo and Leonardo slam the door shut. Donatello pounds on the glass as his brothers and Leatherhead look on.]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Splinter''': ''[sadly]'' My son. :'''Leatherhead''': I can sympathize. I know what it’s like to be a monster. :'''Raphael''': ''[places his hand on Splinter’s shoulder.]'' Poor Donny. :'''Michelangelo''': What are we gonna do, Leo? :'''Leonardo''': Do? This is Donatello. This is our brother. ''[He flattens a palm on the glass.]'' We’re going to hunt down a cure for him, no matter what it takes. No matter what it takes. ===Good Genes=== ====Part 1 [2.24]==== :'''[[w:Leatherhead (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Leatherhead]]''': ''(Narrating)'' As we fly through the night, I can't help but ponder: intelligence, reason, even simple thought. Most people take these things for granted. I do not. For I know what it's like to be an advanced mind, trapped in the body of a brute... of a monster. But for once, I am not the monster in question. My friend Donatello is one of the gentlest souls I've ever met, with one of the finest minds I've ever known. But now, thanks to the evil agent Bishop, my friend has been transformed into a thoughtless savage. And I fear that the Donatello I know may truly be lost forever. <hr width=50%/> :'''Karai''': Mystics, your master has need of you! :''[Laughter echoes all around her.]'' :'''Water Mystic''': ''[voice-over]'' Our master is the Shredder. Not you, little girl! :''[The Earth Mystic materializes atop of podium.]'' :'''Earth Mystic''': You are nothing but a pretender! like the Utrom abomination before you! :''[The other Mystics appear atop their perches.]'' :'''Karai''': You forget your place, Mystics! You serve me now. I hold the same power over you as my father did! All your talk of ancient power. You live in the past. I am the future and you will obey me. Find the turtle Leonardo! ''He'' must pay for his crimes ''against'' my father! Do you hear me?! ''[turns and walks away.]'' ''Find him!'' ''[exits the room. As the door closes behind her, the Mystics speaks again.]'' :'''Earth Mystic''': Perhaps ''he'' will find you! <hr width=50%/> :'''Leo''': Once we have Bishop, We'll convince him to help Don. :'''Raph''': Leatherhead and I can handle that part of the plan, we can be very convincing. ''[punches hand]'' :'''Michelangelo''': It's Area 51, they probably have a UFO watching us from SPACE! <hr width=50%/> :'''Stockman''': Now open that hunk a' junk. ====Part 2 [2.25]==== :'''Leo''': ''(Narrating)'' A wise man once said: I've got a bad feeling about this. And right now, I know how he feels. Believe it or not, that's my brother Donatello. And right now, he's sick. Really sick. He was scratched by one of Bishop's outbreak mutants, and now he has become a savage, mindless monster. Had it been any of us, we would have looked at Don to save the day. But even with Leatherhead's help, we're no closer to finding a cure. With no other options, we tracked down the one man who might have a cure: the man responsible for the outbreak in the first place: Agent Bishop. Bishop agreed to cure Don, but for a price. Infiltrating Foot central? It's an impossible mission. But what can we do? Our brother is sick. And there's nothing we won't do to save him. Even if it means... making a deal with the devil. <hr width=50%/> :'''Agent Bishop''': Comm systems on, secure channel :'''The Entity''': Ah, Agent Bishop, we are transmitting coordinates to you even as we speak :'''Bishop''': And in return? :'''Entity''': We will let you know, will you be retrieving the artifact yourself? :'''Bishop''': Of cause not, i'll sending in special agents. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leatherhead''': Donatello's condition continues to deteriorate, there's not much time. :'''Master Splinter''': Doctor Stockman, Agent Bisharp told us you have administer the cure to Donatello. :'''Baxter Stockman''': To think I sunk so low that unparalleled genius would be used save the life of these freaks, unfathomable. :'''Leatherhead''': Where is the cure Stockman? :'''Stockman''': I am pulled sweet oblivion for what? this? :'''Leatherhead''': Show us the cure NOW! :'''Stockman''': CURE? you stupid animal, Agent Bishop lied there is no cure. :'''Splinter''': WHAT?! :''[Leatherhead growls and his eyes turn green on Stockman]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Leo''': April come in :'''April''': Go leo :'''Leo''': we've made it to the Foots garbage disposal facility, time for you & Casey to do your thing :'''April''': Casey's heading in to the power station now, stand by :'''Casey''': Hey if we gonna put a computer virus in here to shut down the power, how come you're not going in? :'''April''': Because I don't look like a janitor :'''Casey''': Gee thanks :'''Leo''': Keep us posted April, we're moving into position :'''April''': Roger that :'''Leo''': Well here the fun starts :'''April''': All the buildings garbage go through shoots that led to an incinerator :'''Michelangelo''': We're going in through the furnace, isn't that gonna be hot???? :'''Leo''': It's our only way and that's not all,once through the incinerators we go up a shoots. :'''April''': Which Karai has secured with a deadly grid of lazers :'''Leo''': When the power drops we go up the vent, we gotta beat the emergency-power kicking in :'''Mikey''': Ah, Leo why is the grid still on? :'''Leo''': Casey, April, cut that power or we're turtles flambe. :'''Casey''': I've put in the stupid virus but it ain't working! :'''Leo''': Casey we really need that power out NOW :'''Casey''': Alright, you stupid computers, we're doing this old school, ''[picks up a computer]'' GOONGALA!!! ''[throws computer]'', Woo hoo :'''Leo''': Grids' down <hr width=50%/> :'''Karai''': Find out what's going on . . . Leonardo is here, but why?, why would he come here? <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': Good work Casey we're in, April go the phase 3: get to the copter :'''April O'Neil''': On it :'''Leo''': remember we get what we need and get out, Ralph you know what you have to do, Mikey you're with me, let's go <hr width=50%/> :'''Metal Mystic''': Everything goes as planned my brothers. :'''Earth Mystic''': Soon we all be free! <hr width=50%/> :''[About the mystic Heart of Tengu]'' :'''Karai''': No!! Give that to me!! You do not know what you are doing!! <hr width=50%/> :'''Karai''': You cannot take that! :'''Leonardo''': Watch me!! <hr width=50%/> :'''Karai''': No! ''[runs towards them.]'' Leonardo, face me!! :''[Leonardo turns and draws a sword, but Michelangelo catches him by the arm.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Get in, Get out, right? It's not about Karai, right? :'''Leo''': ''[sheathes his katana.]'' Right. :''[They climb onto the rubble piled in front of the hole in the wall.]'' :'''Karai''': Stop them! Someone stop them!! :''[All three turtles jump. Karai and her Foot Elite reach the opening, but can only watch as the turtles climb up a ladder dangling from the helicopter.]'' :'''Karai''': No! No! ''[drops to her knees.]'' No-o! ''[echoes]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Don''': ''[Emerges from a cloud of mist, cured]'' Hey guys, what's up? ''[collapses into Leatherhead's arms]'' :'''Leatherhead''': I have you, my friend. :'''Michelangelo, Raphael and Leonardo''': All right! Donny! Welcome back! It’s so good to see you again! <hr width=50%/> :'''Master Splinter''': Welcome back, my son. :'''Don''': I hope you guys didn't go through too much trouble for me. (Did you?) :''[Everyone is silent]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Nah. ==Ninja Tribunal== * This is the Season 4 finale. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' You know, if there's one thing I've learned being a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, is to always expect the unexpected. But with all of our training, and all of our hard work, I'd like to think that we're ready for anything. But sometimes, the unexpected is just a little too... unexpected. <hr width=50%/> :'''Raphael''': Yeah, no offense Donnie, but you weren't too much fun when you were... sick. :'''Michelangelo''': Fun?! He was a monster. An absolutely, horrible, drooling big nasty-fanged monster! You tried to eat my leg! <hr width=50%/> :'''Michelangelo''': Are we sure that Donnie's all better? See the full moon, Donnie? Do you feel the monster inside? The monster taking control?! 'MWAHAHAHA!!!! :'''Donatello''': Oh no. I'm- I'm changing! '''RAAAAGGGHH!''' :'''Mikey''': AAAAHHH! HELP ME! HELP ME! HE'S TRYING TO EAT MY LEG AGAIN! AAAAAHHHHH! <hr width=50%/> :''[After the enemy ninjas demonstrated their weapon sticks to the Turtles.]'' :'''Raphael''': Now maybe it's just me, but I think these guys plan to stick it to us. <hr width=50%/> :'''Juto-Shisho''': Bow when you enter this sanctuary. :'''Chikara-Shisho''': We require warriors to combatant, and as pathetic as you are, you eight are our best hope. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': You expect us to fight each other? :'''Raphael''': Forget it, bucketheads. :'''Kon-Shisho''': You WILL fight, or you will be destroyed. <hr width=50%/> :''[Back to New York City, the rooftop from which the turtles were kidnapped. Splinter and the Ancient One are searching the rooftop. The Ancient One finds the slashed mask left by the wooden warrior that Leonardo had fought.]'' :'''Ancient One''': The Mokusai no Bushi were here. ''[He studies gashes in the rooftop and then points to another area.]'' And here, signs of a struggle. :'''Splinter''': The Ninja Tribunal has taken my sons! Ancient One, you must take me to the tribunal. :'''Ancient One''': You know that what you ask is simply not permitted. :'''Splinter''': Permitted or not, I will protect my sons! == Characters == === Main === * [[w:Leonardo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Leonardo]] (or Leo) - voiced by [[w:Michael Sinterniklaas|Michael Sinterniklaas]] * [[w:Donatello (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Donatello]] (or Donnie) - voiced by [[w:Sam Riegel|Sam Riegel]] * [[w:Raphael (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Raphael]] (or Raph) - voiced by [[w:Greg Abbey|Frank Frankson]] * [[w:Michelangelo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Michelangelo]] (or Mikey) - voiced by [[w:Wayne Grayson|Wayne Grayson]] === Recurring === * [[w:Splinter (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Splinter]] - voiced by [[Darren Dunstan]] * [[w:April O'Neil|April O'Neil]] - voiced by [[w:Veronica Taylor|Veronica Taylor]] * [[w:Casey Jones (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Arnold Casey Jones Jr.]] - voiced by [[w:Marc Thompson (voice actor)|Marc Thompson]] === Antagonists === * [[w:Karai (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles|Karai]] – voiced by Karen Neill * Agent John Bishop – voiced by [[w:David Zen Mansley|David Zen Mansley]] * [[w:Baxter Stockman|Baxter Stockman]] – voiced by Scott Williams * Savanti Romero – voiced by [[w:David Zen Mansley|David Zen Mansley]] * [[w:Hun (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Hun]] – voiced by [[w:Greg Carey (voice actor)|Greg Carey]] * Rat King – voiced by [[w:David Zen Mansley|David Zen Mansley]] === Supporting === * [[w:Leatherhead (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Leatherhead]] - voiced by [[w:Greg Carey (voice actor)|Gary K. Lewis]] * The Ancient One - voiced by David Chen * [[w:Miyamoto Usagi|Miyamoto Usagi]] - voiced by [[w:Jason Griffith|Jason Griffith]] * [[w:Murakami Gennosuke|Murakami Gennosuke]] – voiced by [[Eric Stuart]] * Jhanna - voiced by [[w:Lisa Ortiz|Lisa Ortiz]] * Raptarr - voiced by Marc Diraison * Renet - voiced by Liza Jacqueline * Professor August O'Neil - voiced by [[w:Marc Thompson (voice actor)|Marc Thompson]] * Robyn O'Neil * * * * * Mortu - voiced by [[w:Dan Green (voice actor)|Dan Green]] * The Ultimate Daimyo - voiced by [[w:Marc Thompson (voice actor)|Marc Thompson]] * Gyoji - voiced by [[w:Oliver Wyman (actor)|Oliver Wyman]] * Nobody - voiced by [[w:Sean Schemmel|Sean Schemmel]] === Minor === * [[w:Hamato Yoshi|Hamato Yoshi]] – voiced by [[Eric Stuart]] * [[w:Shredder (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Ch'rell/Oroku Saki/Shredder]] - voiced by [[w:Scott Rayow|Scottie Ray]] * Angel - voiced by [[w:Tara Sands|Tara Jayne]] * Arnold Casey Jones Sr. * Baxter Stockman's mother * [[w:Tang Shen|Tang Shen]] * Yukio Mashimi * * * * * ==External links== {{wikipedia|Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003 TV series, season 4)}} {{Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles}} [[Category:Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003 TV series) seasons|4]] [[Category:Children's television seasons]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about turtles]] [[Category:American animated television seasons]] 70dfw6i32vwi00v9vlpsbp11jgyb7wt 3778944 3778858 2025-07-15T00:31:52Z 2001:8003:DD49:F700:7CE2:F3C:CD2C:140C /* Dragons Rising */ 3778944 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''Seasons''': [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 1)|1]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 2)|2]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 3)|3]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 4)|4]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 5): Ninja Tribunal|5: Ninja Tribunal]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Fast Forward|6: Fast Forward]] / [[TMNT: Back to the Sewer|7: Back to the Sewer]] | '''Film''': [[Turtles Forever]] | [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003 TV series)|Main]] ---------------- The following is a list of quotes from the fourth season of the 2003 series '''''[[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003 TV series)|Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles]]'''''. ==Cousin Sid== * This is the Season 4 premiere. This marks the debut appearance of Casey Jones's cousin Sid. <hr width=50%/> :'''[[w:Splinter (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Master Splinter]]''': ''(Narrating)'' Life moves as the wheel of destiny turns, day to night, night to day. [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 3)|Our fight with the Shredder nearly cost us our lives.]] We are broken, battered, but alive. Our bodies will heal but I wonder: Do my sons carry other wounds not so easily overcome? I know with a great heaviness that there will always be some new threat to challenge us. I only pray my sons will be prepared to face it... <hr width=50%/> :''[The episode opens with a view of the Jones’ family farmhouse at night. Cut to the interior. The front door opens, and April enters with Master Splinter. He is injured and she is supporting him.]'' :'''April O'Neil''': Just a little bit further, Master Splinter. :''[Donatello and Michelangelo enter next. Donatello’s arm is in a sling and Michelangelo is on crutches with casts on his legs.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Finally. Now, someone give me a fork or something. You have no idea how bad my legs itch. :'''Donatello''': Yeah, we do, Mikey. We heard about it the whole trip. :''[Last to enter are Casey Jones, Raphael, and Leonardo. Casey and Leonardo are supporting Raphael. The two turtles have bandages wrapped around their bodies. April helps Splinter onto a chair.]'' :'''Splinter''': Thank you, April. I am not as young as I once was. Wound's take longer to heal. :'''Michelangelo''': I'm still as young as I once was, and I don't feel like I'm ever going to heal! :''[Casey and Leonardo helps Raphael to lie down on the couch.]'' :'''Raphael''': Too bad you didn't break your jaw. Maybe we’d finally get a little peace and quiet around here. ''[bones cracking]'' Ow. :'''Michelangelo''': ''[sits in a chair next to Splinter’s and props his legs up.]'' Ahh! That's... better? ''[sniffs]'' Ew! What's that smell?! It smells like burnt – ''[He glances over at his father.]'' Oh, right. Sorry, Sensei. :'''April''':All right. Who's hungry? :'''Donatello''': Me! :'''Michelangelo''': I am! :'''Donatello''': I am! :'''Casey Jones''': Over here! :''[Leonardo is standing at the window, staring into the yard.]'' :'''April''': Leo? :'''Splinter''': Leonardo? :'''Leonardo''': I'm fine. <hr width=50%/> :'''April''': ''[grabs the fork from Michelangelo]'' No scratching. <hr width=50%/> : '''Raphael''': Hey, I like it when Leo acts tough. We should get Karai to stab him more often. :''(Leo angrily glares)'' :'''Mikey''': Easy Leo. Leave Raph to me. Raph needs a hiding place. Don't you, Raphie boy? And I got just the spot. :'''Raph''': Hiding spot? ''[Leonardo and Donatello carry him to a closet.]'' Don't even... No way am I missing this action. ==The People's Choice== :'''[[w:Michelangelo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Michelangelo]]''': ''(Narrating)'' Who would have guessed that getting back to nature with my bro's would turn into a sci-fi marathon? There's nothing cooler than slimy, slippery space-creatures, giant alien blobs, cosmic rock creatures with a bad attitude, or intergalactic catfight! And here I thought our camping trip was going to be boring. Silly me! <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> ==Sons of the Silent Age== :'''[[w:April O'Neil|April O'Neil]]''': ''(Narrating)'' I love nature. Its beauty, its balance and perfection. Nature reminds me of what I learned in school about the scientist Charles Darwin. Darwin believed in the survival of the fittest. He explained how life on Earth could be defined simply as the struggle for existence. But, it seems to me that the struggle for existence is never very simple. <hr width=50%/> :'''April''': Are you okay, Leo? I know something’s been bothering you. :'''Leonardo''': Yeah, I... I don’t know. Well, I guess I do. It’s... I just can’t stop thinking about the last time we faced off against the Shredder. ''[clenches his fist.]'' That the only way that we could’ve defeated him was by blowing ourselves up. I couldn’t protect my brothers, my master. ''[punches a fist into the palm of his other hand.]'' I feel like such a complete failure, and no matter how I try to rationalize it, justify it, it always comes down to the fact that I wasn’t good enough. <hr width=50%/> :'''Raphael''': Then the first thing we have ta' do is sneak in there. :'''Michelangelo''': Right, and like the Three Musketeers used to say, "One for all and all for ninja mode." Course, I'm paraphrasing. ''[smack]'' Owww! :'''Raph''': What is wrong with you? :'''Mikey''': What? ==Dragon's Brew== * This is the only episodes in the series to not feature Raph (despite being mentioned), Mikey, and Donnie. <hr width=50%/> :'''Hun''': ''(Narrating)'' This is the dawning of a new age. I have seen the past and I have touched the future. I have learned from my late great master that preparation is everything and I am prepared. Our destiny will soon be at hand. Nothing can stop us now. Nothing. <hr width=50%/> :'''Casey''': Ha~ah! :'''Hun''': Jones! Uh! :'''Casey''': ''[elbows him in the gut and then sweeps his feet from under him with a hockey stick.]'' You and me, we got unfinished business! :'''Hun''': Bring it on. ''[Leonardo hops onto a box behind him.]'' Thought you turtles were destroyed. :'''Leonardo''': There’s a lot of that going around. :'''Casey''': He’s mine, Leo! :'''Leonardo''': I’ll just soften him up a little for you. <hr width=50%/> :'''Boy''': Mommy, I was dreaming about Daddy. It was horrible! :'''Mother''': It’s okay, Sweetie. Daddy is in a better place, remember? ==I, Monster== * This marks the debut appearance of Rat King. <hr width=50%/> :'''Rat King''': ''(Narrating)'' I awoke in the mud and the slime of a filthy river. I don't know where I am or even who I am. I'm haunted by glimpses... momentary fragments of a life I think I had. But what life do I have now? What am I, but a monster? And now all will fear me... because everything fears the monster. <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> ==Grudge Match== :'''[[w:Raphael (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Raphael]]''': ''(Narrating)'' It may look like just another day in the Battle Nexus, with the crowds and the cheering, but trust me, this day was gonna be special. I was looking forward to somebody finally shutting Mikey up about being Battle Nexus Champion. But it was starting to look like they were gonna shut Mikey up permanently. <hr width=50%/> :'''Master Splinter''': Yes. Pizza sounds very appetizing right now, with pepperoni and ''karma''. ==A Wing and a Prayer== * This marks the debut appearance of Raptarr. <hr width=50%/> :'''Raptarr''': ''(Narrating)'' Long have I watched over the world of man, and have I've been sickened by the ruthless acts of a soulless few. But through it all, I have learned more of who I am. Some call me "Hunter". Some call me "Protector". Whatever I am called, I have vowed to be this world's guardian angel. <hr width=50%/> ==Bad Day== :'''[[w:Donatello (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Donatello]]''': ''(Narrating)'' OK, pop quiz: If a dozen of Agent Bishop's deadly commandos are chasing you at ninety miles an hour from points A, B, and C, what are the odds you're gonna survive the next five minutes? <hr width=50%/> :'''Master Splinter''': Perhaps, but I am not speaking to you. I wait for my true foes to reveal themselves. You cannot touch me! :'''Foot Mystic''': This one is more powerful than we imagined. <hr width=50%/> :'''Karai''': Fools! Another failure!? :'''Fire Mystic''': Our encounter has given information that will be useful to us. But we did not expect our forces to be breached. :'''Karai''': And you recklessly revealed your presence to the rodent! :'''Water Mystic''': We assure you, we have gained enough knowledge for our next assault. :'''Karai''': Then make it so! Otherwise, when I attack, I assure you it will be no illusion!! ==Aliens Among Us== :'''Agent Bishop''': ''(Narrating)'' For more years than I can remember I have stood watch. Preparing for a day I've long known was inevitable. The alien threat is real. And the world has suffered at the hand of these invaders. The world must be prepared it must always be vigilant. And I will make sure it is, no matter what the cost. ==Dragons Rising== * This marks the only appearance of Arnold Casey Jones Sr., the late father of [[w:Casey Jones (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Casey Jones]] in flashbacks <hr width=50%/> :'''[[w:Casey Jones (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Casey Jones]]''': ''(Narrating)'' You know, it's taken me quite a while, but I've really come a long way. I finally got my temper under control. However, there are still a few certain things that can really make my blood boil. Hun is one of them certain things. ''[Flashback to younger Hun and Casey]'' Me and him, we go way back. See, when I was a kid, a gang of street punks was shaking my old man down for protection money. It was Hun and the Purple Dragons. When my old man wouldn't pay him, they torched our store. :'''Hun''': ''[grabs young Casey]'' You tell your old man punk, Next time pay up or else. ''[drops young Casey and walks off with the Purple dragons gang as young Casey watches sadly flashbacks end]'' :'''Casey Jones''': ''(Narrating)'' Yeah, me and him, we still got a score to settle. No matter how I try to plan out this problem, the two of us are headed for a bad, bad, showdown. :''[Casey and Hun grapple with each other atop a truck moving at high speed.]'' :'''Casey Jones''': ''(Narrating)'' Who knows? Maybe I haven't come as far as I thought. <hr width=50%/> :'''Mrs. Jones''': Arnold, please. Is too dangerous. :'''Young Casey''': Please, Pops, don’t go. :'''Arnold Jones Sr.''': ''[squats down and places a hand on his son's shoulder.]'' I gotta, kiddo. I put everything we had into that store. I can’t just let them get away with this. I’m going to the police. :'''Young Casey''': But they said no cops. They said if you— :'''Arnold Jones Sr.''': Casey, sometimes you just gotta stand up for what’s right, even if the odds are against you. Even if you’re all alone. You gotta just stand up and do the right thing. <hr width=50%/> :''[Casey, Raphael, Michelangelo and Donatello are inside the Battle Shell and Leonardo stands behind the vehicle outside and crossed his arms]'' :'''Raphael''': Come on, Leo, get in. :'''Michelangelo''': Let’s go home, bro. ''[Leonardo doesn’t move]'' :'''Raph''': '''Now what!?''' ''[groans]'' :'''Leonardo''': ''[angrily]'' We ''didn't'' finish the job. We blew it. Again! '''We blew it!''' :'''Donatello''': We ''did'' the best we could. At least we stopped half the convoy. :'''Leo''': ''[angrily]'' '''Half'''. We stopped '''half'''. And only because we got lucky. ''[and looks at his brothers and Casey]'' Is that good enough for you? Is it!? We're always one step behind. We ''act'' like a bunch of '''amateurs'''! How many more times are we gonna get beaten before you guys '''wise up and realize''' <big><big>'''this isn't a game!?'''</big></big> ''[turns around and storms off alone]'' :'''Raph''': ''[stands up and flips the switch to close the back doors]'' I hate to admit it, but ''he'' ain't wrong. : ''[Donatello starts the Battle Shell and drives away, Casey walks up next to him]'' :'''Casey''': Hey, Donny, drive by the cemetery, will ya’? I got an important stop I need to make. <hr width=50%/> :''[Morning came as Donatello, Raphael and Michelangelo wait outside at the Battle Shell as Casey enters the cemetery, he walks up to his father’s grave]'' :'''Casey''': Hey, Pops, I brought ya’ something. ''[kneels and places the torn piece of jacket from Hun on the grave, the tombstone has a marker reads “Arnold Casey Jones Sr. Beloved Husband, Father and Friend.”]'' You spoke true, Pop. No matter what, you gotta stand up and do the right thing. But I guess I’m lucky. Even when the odds are against me, I ain’t alone. ''[stands up]'' I got friends. Good friends. :''[The three turtles stand together and watching him as the morning sun rises]'' ==Still Nobody== :'''Nobody''': ''(Narrating)'' Watching over the city, I have learned the sad truth that violence begins violence. They say nobody can break the cycle. That nobody cares. Nobody can do anything about it. Nobody tries to change things and they're right. Because I'm still Nobody and I do care. I will try to change things. I will make a difference. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': Don't stop. Mikey, you left your shell cell on. :'''Michelangelo''': I'm sorry mister 'I'm going to pump you up' Leonardo, but I didn’t know we'd be doing a pull-up marathon. ''[Donatello pops him on the back of the head.]'' Ow! :'''Raphael''': Whoa, Don. Don't smack Mikey. ''[He pops Michelangelo.]'' That's my job. :'''Michelangelo''': Hey! Do I look like a piñata? :'''Donatello''': ''[to Michelangelo]'' Just answer your phone. :'''Michelangelo''': Talk to the turtle. ''[They all continue the pull-ups.]'' Hey, long time no hear. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. No problem. We'll be there. :'''Raphael''': ''[to Michelangelo]'' Who was it? :'''Michelangelo''': Nobody. <hr width=50%/> :'''Fang''': Yes, Master Hun? :'''Hun''': Scratch Jencko and his Turks off of our list of possible recruits, and see if you can retrieve any of the hardware we sold that punk. ''[The limo arrives in front of the “Oroku Saki Memorial Library”.]'' Seems a shame to waste it. :''[Hun steps out of the limo.]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[Inside, people are milling about, talking to one another. Karai steps up to the podium in front of a large, draped object. Reporters begin taking pictures as the crowd quiets down.]'' :'''Karai''': Thank you all for coming to this dedication of the new Oroku Saki Memorial Library. One final gift from my late father to the city that he loved. ''[The drape is pulled off of a huge statue of Oroku Saki. Everyone applauds.]'' It is a great honor to dedicate my life to carrying on my father’s humanitarian efforts, even though he is gone, taken from us too soon. <hr width=50%/> :'''Hun''': ''(sarcastic)'' Lovely party, Karai. :'''Karai''': Hun. I did not expect to see you at this dedication. :'''Hun''': ''[stands up]'' Explain something to me, Karai! You do all this in the name of the Shredder. ''He'' was a alien slug! How could you have known that and still serve him?! :'''Karai''': The Shredder gave me a life. He was my father, and I vow in his name, and I will hunt down those who destroyed him and make them pay with their lives! ==All Hallows Thieves== :'''Raphael''': ''(Narrating)'' Halloween in New York City. One of my favorite times of the year. A day where no matter how odd, how freaky, or scary you might be, you fit in with everyone else. A day when girls and boys all over the city dress as their favorite monsters and heroes and get free candy. A day when even a teenage mutant ninja turtle can walk around in the open. Of course, some Halloweens are filled with more tricks than treats. Maybe this year, we should've stayed home and rented scary movies. ==Samurai Tourist== :'''Miyamoto Usagi''': ''(Narrating)'' The paths we walk in life are different for each of us. Some walk the land without a care in the world while some choose to take on burdens that would crush the spirits of most. The land cares little of which path you choose. But its inhabitants are another matter entirely. Clearly, this is not our land. Gennosuke and I came to visit old friends, but I fear now that our presence has done more harm than good. <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> :'''Splinter''': Thank you, Miyamoto Usagi. When I asked you to come, I hoped you could reach him, but I fear my son is now traveling down a difficult path. A path it seems he must travel alone. :'''Usagi''': I wish you good luck, Master Splinter. Farewell, my friends. ''[pushes Kojima into the portal.]'' :'''Gennosuke''': So long boys! ''[chuckling]'' :''[Gennosuke follows Usagi into the portal. Suddenly...]'' :'''Michelangelo''': ''[scream, appears on the upper landing.]'' Stop him! Don’t let him go! :'''Donatello''': Mikey? ''[The portal vanishes.]'' :'''Raphael''': What now, shell for brains? :'''Michelangelo''': My Silver Sentry comics. Gen, he-- he took ‘em. All of ‘em. '''No!''' ==The Ancient One== * This marks the debut appearance of the Ancient One. <hr width=50%/> :'''[[w:Leonardo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Leonardo]]''': ''(Narrating)'' I've traveled thousands of miles looking for an answer, only to wind up here, halfway across the world in the middle of nowhere, battling it out with four nasty creatures, more ghosts than man, but who's steel is all too real. Meanwhile, my traveling companion, some gross slob who attached himself to me like a bloated tick, doesn't do a thing to help out. He just sits there, grinning like a fool, leaving me to fight for both our lives. I've journeyed all across the world in search for answers, and instead, all I'm gonna get is my head chopped off. <hr width=50%/> :''[The episode begins inside the turtles’ lair, as Leonardo and Splinter spar.]'' :'''Leonardo''': I already told you, I’m fine. :'''Master Splinter''': You are sure?! :''[Michelangelo lowers his comic book and grimaces.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Nothing’s the matter, Sensei. Why do you keep asking me that?! :'''Master Splinter''': So much anger. The unopened bottle will burst when its internal pressure becomes too much to bear. ''[Donatello spots Raphael at the weight bench.]'' For months now you have been brooding, surly, and stubborn. :''[Donatello appears worried.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Yeah, right. :''[Donatello and Raphael glance at one another. Shift to Splinter and Leonardo, who are sparring with swords.]'' :'''Master Splinter''': You have not been yourself. You must release what festers within you. Your family will help you, Leonardo. It is important that we be open with one another. :''[Leonardo attacks and manages to disarm Splinter. He then angrily confronts his father.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Open?! Okay, this Katana lesson stinks! I've mastered this years ago! '''YEARS AGO'''!! :'''Master Splinter''': ''[stares at him and then retrieves the sword.]'' It is not the students choice to say when a lesson is learned. ''[He attacks.]'' The student’s place is to listen and learn. :''[The sparring grows fierce and the other turtles gather to watch.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Something tells me the cork’s about to pop on that unopened bottle. :'''Raphael''': That hothead. ''[Donatello and Michelangelo look at him]'' I hate it when Leo reminds me of me. :'''Leonardo''': I've already mastered this lesson! ''[shoves Splinter.]'' And yesterday's lesson! And the lesson before that! '''WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO TEACH ME''' ''[disarms Splinter.]'' '''SOMETHING I DON'T ALREADY KNOW?!!!''' ''[slashes at Splinter and slices his head. The other turtles run to their father as he drops to one knee and grabs his head.]'' :'''Donatello''': Master Splinter! :'''Michelangelo''': Are you okay? ''[Leonardo drops his sword.]'' :'''Raphael''': Leo! What the shell is your problem!? :'''Leonardo''': ''[shoves past Raphael]'' Master! ''[and Donatello]'' Master, I’m so sorry. I-I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just… I just lost control. ''[He hangs his head.]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[Later, Master Splinter kneels in his room, which is candle lit. There is a bandage on his head. Leonardo stands in the doorway.]'' :'''Splinter''': Sit down, my son. :''[Leonardo enters, slides the door shut, and kneels before his father.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Master, I-I don’t know what to say. :'''Splinter''': Say nothing, listen. We were all badly wounded in our final confrontation with the Shredder. Your brothers and I have healed, but you have not. I have meditated long and hard on this matter, and now realize that you are correct. :'''Leonardo''': Huh? :'''Splinter''': It is time for you to move on. It is time for you to study with a new sensei. :'''Leonardo''': But-but, Master, I don’t want a new sensei. I’m happy here with you. ''[Donatello, Michelangelo and Raphael are listening at the door.]'' I know there’s so much more that you can teach me. :'''Splinter''': No, my son. It is as it must be. ''[Both stand and Splinter goes to the shelves on his back wall.]'' Now, there is but one master in all the world that I would entrust my son’s well-being to. He is wise, honorable, and highly skilled. He is called the Ancient One, ''[He looks at a picture of Hamato Yoshi.]'' and he was the sensei to my sensei, Hamato Yoshi. You must make a pilgrimage, a pilgrimage halfway across the world. :'''Leonardo''': But, Sensei… :'''Splinter''': Come, let us prepare you for your journey. <hr width=50%/> :''[He pushes Leonardo back and swings at him. As Leonardo fights, he has a flashback to Donatello, aboard Shredder’s starship during [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 3)|Exodus part 2]], as the engine starts to overload.]'' :'''Donatello''': Help me! I’m hurt! ''[echoes]'' :'''Michelangelo''': We’re not gonna make it! Leo, help me! ''[echoes]'' :'''Raphael''': Leo, the Shredder’s coming for us! You gotta do something! ''[echoes]'' :'''Splinter''': Save us, Leonardo! We are all counting on you, my son. ''[echoes]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Ancient One''': If there was nothing more you could have done, why do you punish yourself so? :'''Leonardo''': I finally understand. ''[He turns and walks back to the short man and then drops to one knee.]'' Ancient One. I am honored. :'''Ancient One''': Took you long enough, Leonardo. <hr width=50%/> :'''Ancient One''': Now, Leonardo, tell an old man just what it is you think you have learned. ''[hands a bowl to Leonardo.]'' :'''Leonardo''': I guess I’ve been… I’ve been obsessed with failing. I hardened my heart like a rock; wrapped up inside my own shell. Trying to be perfect; thinking I wasn’t good enough, that I needed to be better. So angry… so…. ''[The Ancient One raps him on the head with a bamboo stick.]'' Ow! What? :'''Ancient One''': Too many words. Explain simply. :'''Leonardo''': I’ve been my own worst enemy. :'''Ancient One''': Much better. Now, relax and enjoy your tea, and let me tell you a tale of Master Yoshi. Yoshi found himself at a crossroads, not dissimilar to your own. ==Scion of the Shredder== * [[w:Karai (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Karai]] assumes the legacy of her adopted Utrom father and becomes the new Shredder and the Ninja Turtles' sworn enemy, especially toward Leo. <hr width=50%/> :'''Donatello''': ''(Narrating)'' I've been worried a lot lately. For starters, I'm worried about the Foot. They're back... and they're tougher than ever. And... I'm worried about my brother, Leonardo. He's on a quest to parts unknown, and I'm worried he's not gonna find what he's been looking for. But mostly... I'm worried that Leo won't find us alive when he gets back. Master Splinter tells me that I worry too much. Okay, you tell me. Should I be worried? <hr width=50%/> :''[The episode opens inside the turtles’ lair. Raphael is working out on his punching bag. Donatello is strapped into a harness, suspended over the Shell Sub where he is doing some welding. Michelangelo is seated on the couch with Klunk next to him. He is stacking playing cards while Master Splinter looks on.]'' :'''Splinter''': That is an impressive edifice, Michelangelo. Dare I ask how many hours you have spent building it? :'''Michelangelo''': Good question, Sensei. Hey, Raph, what time is it? :'''Raphael''': Like I wear a watch? How should I know? Hey, Donny, what time is it? :'''Donatello''': Beats me. Ask Leo. ''[He cuts off the welding torch and his brothers stop what they are doing. Splinter lowers his head with a sigh.]'' Sorry. Leo’s been gone more than two months and I still forget he’s not here. :'''Raphael''': Master Splinter, when’s that bum coming back anyway? :''[Donatello and Raphael walk over to join the others.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': And is Leo coming back normal, or like, more normal? ‘Cause before he left he was acting kinda, you know... ''[He twirls a finger next to his temple and Raphael slaps the back of his head.]'' Ow! Hey! :'''Splinter''': I do not know, my sons. Leonardo is on a pilgrimage to find the Ancient One, and to find answers. Such things are beyond time. :'''Donatello''': Well, I miss having him around. :'''Splinter''': As do we all. We must have faith that he will return when he is ready. <hr width=50%/> :'''Ancient One''': Leonardo, your family is in grave danger. :'''Leonardo''': What?! ''[jumps up and leaps over to join the Ancient One, who nods at him.]'' I understand, Sensei. <hr width=50%/> :'''Michelangelo''': Um, what is that? :''[The turtles pull their weapons. Klunk curls around Michelangelo’s ankle.]'' :'''Raphael''': Whatever it is, it’s coming through the front door! :''[The banging continues and the heavily fortified lair entrance bulges. The lair shakes and stones fall. The door shifts to one side and a brace rips loose, then the door falls. Splinter and the turtles rush towards the ramp and watch as two huge Foot mechs, called Shrednauts, crash through the wall and enter the lair. The Shrednauts pause and Foot ninja run into the lair.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': What the...? The Foot! :'''Donatello''': But how? How did ''they'' find us? :'''Raphael''': Don’t matter how they found us, they found us. Now let’s kick the shell out of ‘em! ''[He rushes to meet some advancing ninja.]'' '''Get... out... of... my house!!''' <hr width=50%/> :'''Raphael''': Oh, shell! :'''Donatello''': No way! It can’t be him! :'''Michelangelo''': Master Splinter, any chance this is just another mystical attack? :'''Splinter''': No, my son, this is real. All too real. :'''Donnie''': The Shredder! But, the Utroms sentenced him to exile. :'''Raph''': Yeah? Well, it didn’t take. :''[The dust around the Shredder swirls and then the four Foot Elite appear.]'' :'''Karai''': Oroku Saki is gone, thanks to you, but the Shredder lives on! ''[She removes her helmet to reveal herself.]'' :'''Donnie''': Karai! :'''Splinter''': So the daughter of Oroku Saki has become the Shredder. Why? :'''Karai''': Honor demands it, Splinter-san. After you helped the vile Utroms exile my father, I vowed to avenge his honor! :'''Splinter''': You dare speak of honor!? Your father murdered my Master Yoshi! Your father had no honor! :'''Karai''': You will pay for your lie! ''All of you!!'' Where is Leonardo?! :'''Raph''': ''He'' ain't here! :'''Mikey''': You know, you just missed him, but if you leave right now, we'll tell him that you stopped by. :'''Karai''': You mock me. The fact that you still live mocks me!! ''[She dons the helmet.]'' That all ends now! ''Destroy them!'' Leave no one alive. <hr width80%> :'''Splinter''': Master Yoshi's orb. ''[Karai brakes it]'' No!! :'''Karai''': Your sons destroyed my father! Now I will repay them in kind! I begged Leonardo to let him go, but ''he'' would not listen to reason!! :'''Splinter''': It is ''you'' who has been blinded to reason! Oroku Saki was a murderer! But ''you'' will ''not'' allow yourself to see the truth!! :'''Karai''': I see clearly, rat! and you will pay for what you have done to me! :''[They fight.]'' :'''Splinter''': I reached out to you! I hoped that you would turn away from evil, but I can see now that has consumed you!! ''[Karai slashes his shoulder.]'' Ugh! ''[steps back]'' You are faster than your father. I will give you that, but your dark heart will betray you, just as ''his'' did!! :''[She strikes him hard enough to expel him from the room. Karai stalks towards him as Splinter lays on the ground.]'' :'''Karai''': You are not even worthy to speak of my father, rodent!! ''[grabs him by his robe and lifts him off the ground.]'' I will silence your treacherous tongue once and for all!! ''[She draws back an arm to strike. Raphael pushes himself up from the ground and sees them.]'' :'''Raphael''': '''NO!!''' :'''Donatello''': Master Splinter! :''[Raphael races forward and leaps at Karai, who spins around and hits him, dropping Splinter in the process. Donatello runs at her and jumps, kicking her to the ground, which causes Karai to lose her helmet. She doesn’t move and Donatello helps Splinter stand up. He is joined by Raphael and Michelangelo.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Master Splinter! :'''Donatello''': We have to get out of here. :''[They all spin around at another loud crashing sound, to find the lair filled with enemies, all of them staring at the mutant family.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Uh, easier said than done. :'''Raphael''': Donnie, you take Master Splinter with you. We split up, get out, and hook back up again topside. Got it? ''[They jump as a Shrednaut strikes the ledge they were on.]'' Now let’s go! And guys, be careful. <hr width80%> <hr width80%> <hr width80%> :'''Michelangelo''': Klunk? ''[Klunk meow]'' Where are you, Klunk? ''[He ducks a laser blast and then looks up to see Klunk standing on an overhead rafter.]'' Ah! Hang on, Klunk, I’m coming! ''[He leaps and climbs until he reaches the cat.]'' I got you pal. Mikey’s here. :''[He picks up Klunk and then spots a Shrednaut taking aim at him. It fires and Michelangelo jumps for a rope, which he climbs while Klunk clings to his shell. Still dodging blasts from the Shrednaut, Michelangelo leaps for a fire escape ladder which he rides down to the floor below. Jumping off the ladder, he hops from Foot ninja to Foot ninja, bouncing off of their shoulders, before spin kicking one down and landing on the ground. He turns to find a Shrednaut aiming at him. Michelangelo darts between the legs of another Shrednaut and rolls to a stop at a ramp. Holding Klunk, he runs as a Shrednaut pulverizes a support column and the rocks tumble down. Michelangelo races into the next room and the Shrednaut follows. Parked along one wall is the Turtle Tunneler. Michelangelo is inside with Klunk.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Don’t worry, Klunk. I’ve got a plan. ''[Klunk hops into his lap.]'' Here we go. :''[He starts the Tunneler’s engine and fires up the front laser drill. As he drives towards a back wall, the Shrednaut opens fire. The Tunneler drills its way into the sewer tunnels and drives away, but the Shrednaut enters the tunnel and gives chase.]'' <hr width80%> :''[Meanwhile, the elevator reaches the garage above the lair. When the elevator door opens, Raphael walks out slowly, and then drops to all fours, breathing hard. Behind him, the Foot ninja are all unconscious. Suddenly the garage door opens and Raphael looks up to see more Foot ninja approaching.]'' :'''Raphael''': You gotta be kidding me. :''[The Foot ninja race towards him and Raphael jumps up to run for the Battle Shell. He enters just as the ninja throw several throwing stars at him, all of them hitting the door. Raphael starts the engine and then fires a missile at the Foot ninja blocking the door. With the path cleared, Raphael drives out of the garage and onto the city streets.]'' <hr width80%> :''[Meanwhile, Karai is still inside the lair.]'' :'''Karai''': In the name of Oroku Saki, ''Find them!!'' They must not be allowed to live. ''[The Foot bow to her and run to do her bidding.]'' And tear this filthy place apart, Leave nothing standing! :''[The Shrednauts begin firing, taking down support pillars and blasting the ceiling with missiles. Karai laughs as the turtles’ home is destroyed.]'' <hr width80%> :''[To the river, where Donatello, piloting the Shell Sub, is trying to shake his pursuers. The Foot fire torpedoes.]'' :'''Donatello''': Hold on, Master Splinter. :''He pulls back hard on the steering column and the Shell Sub goes straight up. The torpedoes hit each other and explode. The Foot manage to get in front of him and one fires his torpedoes, scoring a direct hit on the underbelly of the Shell Sub. The sub flips over, water beginning to drip into the interior.'' :'''Donatello''': I don’t have enough firepower to fight all of them. Unless… ''[glances at a set of controls.]'' Hang on, Master Splinter. I’ve got an idea. :''[He presses a set of buttons and the Shell Sub rights itself. Torpedoes launch and fire directly into the river bottom, where they raise a dust cloud. Donatello manages to keep the sub upright and land it at the center of the dust cloud. River bottom dirt covers the sub as it settles on the bottom. The Foot converge on the spot where it went down. Inside, Donatello forces open the door and water floods into the cabin. He gives the diving gear to Splinter and then takes a deep breath before kicking a gear and then swimming out of the sub. Suddenly, the Shell Sub emerges and shoots straight upwards. Donatello and Splinter peek up out of the dirt to watch the Foot go after it and fire multiple torpedoes, all of which hit the sub. It explodes, and the remains sink to the river bottom.]'' :'''Underwater Foot Ninja''': Mistress Karai, Donatello and the rat have been destroyed. :'''Karai''': ''[on radio]'' Excellent. Most excellent. :''[The Foot leave. Donatello and Splinter pass the breathing mask back and forth as they swim for the surface.]'' <hr width80%> :''[Michelangelo punches through a wall with the Tunneler and enters the subway tunnels. He drives straight across tracks and drills through another wall to reach another sewer tunnel, with the Shrednaut in hot pursuit. he opens the door]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Hang on, Klunk! ''[jumps out of the Tunneler and dives for cover in the side tunnel. The Tunneler speeds away with the Shrednaut in pursuit. The Shrednaut fires several missiles and hits the Tunneler, which rolls over and crashes.]'' :'''Foot Technician''': Foot Mech Four to Base. Michelangelo is finished. :'''Karai''': ''[on radio]'' Excellent. :''[Michelangelo runs away from the area, carrying Klunk with him.]'' <hr width80%> :'''Karai''': ''[Cut to an overhead view of the city.]'' All that remains is Leonardo. ==Prodigal Son== * Leo becomes less trustful towards Karai since this episode. However, he still appears to have feelings for her as he spared her life. <hr width80%> :'''[[w:Karai (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Karai]]''': ''(Praying)'' Honorable father, though you are imprisoned among the stars, I bring you news that will set free your soul. I, your humble daughter, Karai, discovered the lair of your most hated enemies and led a full Foot attack force against them. Utterly defeated, all they could was flee. Donatello and the rat we left destroyed at the bottom of the river. Michelangelo tried to burrow his way into safety, but he could not dig deep enough to escape my wrath. And Raphael was blown to smithereens in the turtles' own Battle Shell. All that remains is Leonardo, father, and once I find him, then you will truly and forever be avenged! <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': Man! I really missed this old place. ''[sees the ruins of the Lair]'' Oh no, the lair!! ''[strips off his coat and draws a katana before entering.]'' No!! What happened here!? ''[picks up a broken Shell Cell, looks around, and continues on, finding that the lair has almost been completely destroyed. Poised on a ledge above, a Shrednaut’s lights come on. It captures Leonardo’s presence in its view screen and jumps down in front of him. The Foot Technician inside the Shrednaut opens fire, but Leonardo leaps to safety and pulls his second sword.]'' '''You dare come into my home and do this?!!''' ''[jumps at the control pod where the Technician sits and slices into it, causing the Shrednaut to tumble backwards and power down. Leonardo then slices open the harness which holds the Technician in his seat. Leonardo spots the emblem on the Technician’s shirt.]'' The Foot. ''[grabs the Technician by the shirt front and lifts him.]'' '''My family, where are they?!!''' :'''Foot Technician''': You’ll get nothing from me! :''[He presses a button and sparks begin to fly from the Shrednaut’s body. Leonardo leaps away and the Technician flees the machine. Leonardo races out of the lair as the Shrednaut overloads and explodes. The explosion sends Leonardo flying partway down the tunnel, but he is unhurt.]'' :'''Leonardo''': I need some answers. <hr width=50%/> :'''April O'Neil''': ''[from her warning note]'' Leo, I'm so sorry. I not sure what to say, the others are... Karai said she got them all. ''She'' left this. She says your next. Be careful. :'''Leonardo''': No! It can't be! Karai is ''lying!'' They’re alive, I know it! <hr width=50%/> :''[At the Foot Headquarters. A helicopter comes in for a landing and Karai steps out. A Foot ninja meets her and delivers a report.]'' :'''Foot Ninja''': Mistress Karai, we just received the report. The Shrednaut unit stationed in the turtles’ lair was destroyed. :'''Karai''': Leonardo. Deploy all available Foot ninja. Search the city. ''Destroy him!'' ''[The ninja bows and leaves.]'' This night my beloved father will truly be avenged! <hr width=50%/> :''[Leonardo enters an abandoned building through the broken skylight. Behind him, Donatello sees only a shadowed form and draws his bō. Hearing the sound, Leonardo draws a sword and spins around.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Donny? It’s me. :'''Donatello''': Ah, Leo. ''[limps towards his brother.]'' You’re back! :''[They shake hands in greeting.]'' :'''Leonardo''': You okay? :'''Splinter''': My son. :'''Leonardo''': Master Splinter. ''[His father comes out of the shadows, holding his side.]'' I knew it. I knew you were both alive. Don’t worry, Sensei, everything’s gonna be okay. I promise. :'''Donatello''': Oh man, it’s good to see you, bro’. :'''Leonardo''': We have to get both of you out of here before any more Foot show up. <hr width=50%/> :''[Cut to a long range view of {{w|Belvedere Castle}}. A manhole cover slides into place on a trail in {{w|Central Park}}. In the tunnels below, Leonardo leads the way, illuminating their path with his flashlight.]'' :'''Leonardo''': We need to find a safe place for you two to rest and recuperate. Some place far from the old lair. ''[He brushes the dirt off of a sign which reads “Reservoir Pump Station”. Following the arrow on the sign, the trio find a boarded up entrance. he removes the boards and then opens the metal door. He flashes the light around before descending a short set of stairs onto a metal catwalk. The space is huge, with catwalks leading in several directions.]'' This oughta do for now. :'''Donatello''': This must be one of the earlier pumping stations for the reservoir. I think I’ve seen it on some of the old city planning. ''[He looks around at the expansive space and whistles.]'' Very nice! :'''Splinter''': Leonardo, now that Donatello and I are safe… :'''Leonardo''': I’m already on it, Master Splinter. I’ll find them. ''[He races out of the station.]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Raphael''': I ''can't'' believe Karai did this to '''''us!''''' I can't believe ''she'' and the Foot tooked '''''our home!''''' :'''Leonardo''': Listen, Raph, nothing is permanent. We have to flow with change. :'''Master Splinter''': Perhaps Leonardo has learned a thing or two from the Ancient One. ''[He and Leonardo look at one another.]'' Yes, I can see it in your eyes. I have my son back. And I can see something else in your eyes. Please be careful, my son. She will be well guarded, and her skills are much improved. :'''Leonardo''': So are mine, sensei. I’ll be fine, I promise. Now, get some rest. I’m gonna go get some food and supplies. I’ll be back. :'''Raphael''': Hey, Leo, bring back some sodas or something. :'''Michelangelo''': And some pizza and Chinese food ''[Klunk meow]'' and some kibble. <hr width=50%/> :''[Karai is inside the Oroku Saki Memorial Library in full Shredder armor, sans the helmet. She approaches Oroku Saki’s statue, kneels and removes the covering from a katana. This she places in the stand which is at the feet of the statue. As soon as she sets the sword in place, the “Sewer Sweet Sewer” plaque whips through the air and impales the sword stand.]'' :'''Leonardo''': ''[coldly]'' Hello, Karai. Got your message. :'''Karai''': I am impressed. Security here is very tight, yet here you are, undetected. :''[Leonardo hops down and takes up a defensive posture.]'' :'''Leonardo''': So, you are the new Shredder? :''[Karai places the helmet on her head and turns.]'' :'''Karai''': Yes. ''[draws her sword]'' And I am your doom! :''[Leonardo pulls one of his swords as well.]'' :'''Leonardo:''' You have gone too far this time, Karai!! :'''Karai:''' Not far enough! Not until you lie broken and battered at my feet! Only then will my father truly be avenged! Make no mistake, Leonardo, son of Splinter, hated enemy of my father. Your path ends here! :''[leaps at him and he rushes to meet her attack. Their swords clash and they push against each other.]'' :'''Leonardo:''' I remember when we first met, Karai! We fought side by side and I said you were nothing like the Shredder! ''[He falls back, pulling her down and rolling until she is on her back and he is standing over her.]'' I thought you understood honor, but I was wrong! ''You're exactly like him!! You understand '''nothing!!''''' :''[She kicks him off, but he does a handspring and regains his feet. Leonardo catches her sword on his and quickly disarms her, sending her sword flying onto the arms of the statue. She takes a swing at him, but he ducks and pulls her second sword from her belt.]'' :'''Karai''': No, you will pay. You must pay! ''[She tries to slash him with her Tekkō-kagi, but he ducks. Karai squats and launches the weighted end of her Manriki-gusari at him. It wraps around the handle of her stolen sword and she flips backwards, her weight pulling the weapon from his hand. She throws the sword behind her and drops the hook end of the Manriki-gusari into her other hand. Spinning it, she charges and throws the weapon. Leonardo pulls his second katana, leaps, and slices through the chain.]'' No! I must have my revenge! ''[She runs but Leonardo pursues. As she turns, he flips through the air at her, slicing several times. Karai’s helmet falls into several pieces, shocking her.]'' :'''Leonardo:''' Your own anger defeats you, Karai. ''[stands with his back to her.]'' You remind me of a Turtle I used to know. :'''Karai:''' ''[takes a couple of steps back, and grabs the communication device from her belt.]'' Security to the library… ''[Before she can finish, Leonardo slashes across the device, destroying it. As it falls, Leonardo, who has gotten behind her, places his katana near her head. He taps on her shoulder with the sword and she drops to her knees.]'' Go ahead. Do it! Finish me! :'''Leonardo:''' No. ''[Still kneeling, Karai turns as he sheathes his swords.]'' I'm giving you one last chance to do the right thing, Karai. Don't waste it. ''[walks over to Saki’s statue.]'' And Karai, ''[leaps]'' ''stay away [grabs Saki’s sword] from my '''family!!''''' ''[slashes at the statue and tosses the sword so that it sticks into the floor in front of Karai. As he races away]'' :''[The statue’s head falls, having been sliced away from the body. It bounces and rolls across the floor, coming to a stop in front of Karai. Suddenly the room is flooded with Foot ninjas.]'' :'''Foot Ninja''': Mistress Karai! Is everything all right?! :''[Karai looks up to see two of the upper window panels flapping in the breeze.]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[Leonardo returns to the new lair carrying a duffel bag.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Did someone mention food? ''[takes two containers from the bag.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Chinese food for breakfast? ''[He and Donatello both catch a container.]'' Works for me. :''[Kneeling, Leonardo hands a container of food to Raphael and then stands to walk over to Splinter.]'' :'''Leonardo''': I’ve checked it out and this seems like a safe place, Master Splinter. We could stay here, maybe even fix it up a bit. :'''Splinter''': It is as the great sage, Shinto Sakamoto said, home is where you hang your hat. :''[Leonardo kneels before him and takes an ornate walking stick from his bag.]'' :'''Leonardo''': This walking stick is said to have come from a very ancient and mystic tree. ''[He presents the stick to Splinter, who takes it from him.]'' I got it with the Ancient One. I’ve carried it all this way for you. :'''Splinter''': Ah, a very gracious gift. ''[They bow to one another.]'' Thank you, Leonardo. Welcome home. ==Outbreak== :'''Agent Bishop''': ''(Narrating)'' For too long, our world, our history, has been influenced by extraterrestrial threats. I know this all too well. My purpose has always been clear: Defend against the threat. Rebuild humanity to resist invasion. It hasn't always been easy. There are tough choices that need to be made. Someone has to stop this alien plague. It was a vow I made long ago. And I intend to keep it. <hr width=50%/> :'''Michelangelo''': Ugh. Next time I’ll take lookout duty. :'''Raphael''': Great. More of Karai's Foot ninja. We should be out hunting them, not the other way around. :'''Leonardo''': We’ll handle Karai, Raph, but on our terms, not hers. We’ll handle whatever comes our way. <hr width=50%/> :'''Raphael''': You okay, bro’? ''[helps Donatello up.]'' :'''Donatello''': Thanks. :'''Michelangelo''': Don, Raph, watch out! :''[They turn to see several tentacles shooting towards them. Raphael shoves Donatello out of the way.]'' :'''Raphael''': Move! :''[Raphael avoids the tentacles, but one of the spikes strikes Donatello’s thigh.]'' :'''Donatello''': Oh! :''[Raphael pins the tentacle with his sai.]'' :'''Donatello''': My leg. :'''Raphael''': You okay? :'''Donatello''': Yeah, just a nick. Uh, thanks again. ==Trouble with Augie== * This marks the only appearance of Professor August O'Neil, an uncle of [[w:April O'Neil|April O'Neil]] and is the only appearance of Robyn O'Neil, a sister of April. <hr width=50%/> :'''April O'Neil''': ''(Narrating)'' The man in the hat is my uncle Augie. Uncle Augie didn't just teach me math and science, he taught me to love them. If it wasn't for him, I never would've have gotten my college degree in math. Uncle Augie was always coming and going, off on adventures, but we made the most of our time together. Then one day, uncle Augie just disappeared and he never came back. I'd give anything to see my uncle Augie again. I know he's alive and somehow, someway, I'm going to find him. <hr width=50%/> :'''Mikey''': Especially since Karai the new miss Shredder showed up at your shop. ==Insane in the Membrane== * This marks the only appearance of Baxter Stockman's mother in flashbacks. <hr width=50%/> :''[Montage of Stockman's accomplishments accompanied by his voice over]'' :'''[[w:Baxter Stockman|Baxter Stockman]]''': ''(Narrating)'' Once, long ago, I, Dr. Baxter Stockman, was a whole man. With a brilliant mind and an able body! In the scientific community, I was unequalled! Throughout the world, I was renowned, revered, worshipped! But it all went wrong, horribly, horribly wrong. My genius fell under the control of cruel-minded brutes. :''[Flashback of Shredder ordering Hun to drag Stockman away.]'' :'''Baxter Stockman''': No, '''NOOOOOOOOOO!''' :''[We see Hun, from Stockman's POV, thrusting a saw in his face, and the image shatters as it makes contact. A montage of Stockman's various injuries plays until we see him as just a brain in a jar]'' :'''Baxter Stockman''': ''(Narrating)'' They whittled me away, piece by piece, limb by limb, until I was reduced to nearly nothing. ''[Stockman, in his deteriorated form, approaches the camera menacingly]'' But those simpletons aren't to blame. I finally know who's responsible for my downfall, and now, with my new body, I will finally have my revenge! <hr width=50%/> :'''Baxter Stockman''': [Driven to madness and desperation] This experiment is a catastrophe. (As he slams his hands on the floor which it cracks) Uh! HOW could I have been so stupid? Why was I in such a rush? Why didn't I listen to agent Bishop? [Rips off his lab coat in rage] WHY?! Why am I a failure, my whole life?! Oh, mama. I made such promise. (Reminiscing) Where did it all go wrong?! Where? ''[The scene turns red and blue as all of Stockman's enemies appear in his mind, reminscing his time with them. First, we cut to Shredder and some Baxter's injuries.]'' A horrible degradation at the hands of the Shredder. ''[Cut to Hun, who looks grumpily at camera with Purple Dragons behind his back.]'' His horrific bug, Hun! ''[Cut to the turtles]'' And those despicable turtles! No! No! [Camera pans to April, who points at something and then...] Before then… It was her! I trusted her and ''she'' betrayed me! ''[Cut to the turtles (in shadows) and April. Raphael is seen kicking robot Stockman.]'' SHE brought in those turtles and ruined everything, my glorious mousers failed because of her and that failure is what brought the Shredder's wrath down upon me! Yes! She's responsible, ''she'' did this to me. (He picks up the whole table, throws at machinery and brakes) And ''she'' is the one who will pay!! <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> :'''Casey Jones''': He just busted in he knocked me out when I woke up they were gone, all I remember is him saying something about going back to where this all started. :'''Raphael''': Where it all started? :'''Leonardo''': Stocktronics, ''[To Stockman continues to carry April to his old lab building now abandoned, offscreen]'' the lab where he and April first worked together it has to be. <hr width=50%/> :'''Mrs. Stockman''': Baxter, ''[coughing]'' I'm sorry baby doll Mama's just worn out, I guess this old body just can't take it, I so wanted to see you grow up and be a fine man, I did ''[coughing]'' Remember the sky's the limit for you boy, I love you Baxter. ''[dies]'' :'''Young Baxter Stockman''': No, Mama! Don't leave me. Mama! Mama! <hr width=50%/> :'''Leo''': Let her go, Stockman! :'''Baxter Stockman''': April? You, you betrayed me! :'''Donnie''': Run, April! Get out of here! :'''Baxter Stockman''': No! She can't leave, I forbid it! :'''Mikey''': You asked for it, Dr. Stockman-Stein! <hr width=50%/> :'''Raph''': There they are! :'''Mikey''': On the cable car! <hr width=50%/> :'''Stockman''': Now we can finally set things right. :'''April''': Doctor Stockman, please don’t this, can you remember when your work helped people when it was about the science? You were a brilliant man the sky was the limit for you Doctor Stockman. :'''Stockman''': ''[starts hallucinating again.]'' Mama? ''[sees April as his mother.]'' :'''Baxter Stockman's mother''': The sky was the limit you were such a good boy, you had so much potential, what happened to you baby doll? ''[sees her as herself again]'' :'''April''': You were someone I admired, someone I respected and you can be again. :'''Baxter Stockman''': Mama what have I done? :''[The coupling of the cable car continues to break]'' :'''April''': Doctor. :''[Stockman hallucinates April as his mother again.]'' :'''Baxter Stockman's mother''': Baxter. :'''April''': Please. :''[The cable car shakes and she trips backwards.]'' :'''Baxter Stockman''': (gasps) Mama, Mama. :'''Casey''': April! :'''Baxter Stockman''': ''[still hallucinates April as his mother]'' Mama. You've got to get off of here, Mama it's not safe. ''[He comes to April and picks her, Casey climbs down the cable and grabs April.]'' Hurry Mama, ''[Casey places his around April and they both look at Stockman]'' hurry! I love you, Mama! I… ''[The coupling brakes from the cable and the cable car falls in to the river]'' I… Ahhh! :''[The slash is heard as April cries over Stockman's "death", the turtles pull the cable getting Casey and April to safety inside the copter.]'' :'''Mikey''': Man, you think that's the end of Stockman? :'''Leo''': We've seen him come back from worse. Only time will tell. :'''Raph''': Well, I say it good riddance! That psycho's giving us nothing, but grief, ever since we met him! :'''Donnie''': I dunno, at least he gave us this neat chopper... sort of. Now, let's just find a place to park it. ==Return of Savanti== ===Part 1 [4.20]=== :'''Donatello''': ''(Narrating)'' My name is Donatello and right now I can't help but think of an old saying: Be careful what you wish for. All my life, I've been fascinated with what they call "terrible lizards" and "thunder beasts". Dinosaurs. But now, amazingly, I got my wish. Here I am in the Cretaceous Period, 65 million years ago, finally seeing them with my own two eyes, while running for my life. So be careful what you wish for, or, just like the dinosaurs, you might find yourself facing sudden extinction. ===Part 2 [4.21]=== :'''Savanti Romero''': ''(Narrating)'' Eons ago, I was on the verge of ultimate power. With the omnipotent Time Scepter, I, Savanti Romero, was going to rule all of time. That is, until Lord Simultaneous thwarted my plan. He turned me into a monster and exiled me from null time to Earth's Middle Ages where he hoped never to hear from me again. But instead, I plotted: Summoning all my magic, I tried again to take the time scepter and use it against Lord Simultaneous. But thanks to the interference of those accursed ninja turtles and that foolish timestress Renet, my victory was denied and Simultaneous exiled me once more, even further in time to Earth's Cretaceous Period, but that did not stop me. Again, I gathered my magic and lured my prey back through time. Savanti Romero will not be denied his revenge. The timestress will pay for her meddling. The time scepter will finally be mine. As for the turtles, they have no idea of the changes that are about to befall them. ==Tale of Master Yoshi== * This marks the only appearance of [[w:Tang Shen|Tang Shen]], and Yukio Mashimi in flashbacks. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' Honor. Integrity. Bushido. These were the ideals that drove Master Splinter's beloved master: Hamato Yoshi. He had traveled far to reach this castle fortress only to find four Foot elite warriors barring his way. But four or four hundred, it mattered not for on this particular night, Yoshi was driven by a powerful force unfamiliar to him. Hatred. Hatred that burned so bright it threatened to destroy him. Hatred born out of the need for revenge. <hr width=50%/> :'''Donatello''': I know! Maybe Leo should tell us about the Ancient One. :'''Raphael''': Yeah, Leo. I want to know the other things you learned on how to kick butt. :'''Leonardo''': Well, I wouldn't know where to start, but there is one story I think you might want to hear... about Master Splinter's master, Hamato Yoshi. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': It's a story about a girl. :'''Raphael''': A girl? Does she kick butt? :'''Master Splinter''': Raphael. Please, continue, Leonardo. :'''Leo''': Okay. Our story begins long ago in the 1960s. Japan was just getting back on its feet. :'''Michelangelo''': After an attack by [[Godzilla]]? :'''Leo''': No. After its defeat in [[w:World War II|World War II]]. It was not uncommon to see young orphaned boys in the streets, begging for food and money. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' So the Ancient One took Yoshi and his friend into his home, and trained them in the ways of ninjitsu, and treated them as if they were his own sons. As they grew into young men, they became closer than brothers, best of friends who do everything together. They even fell in love at the same time, with the same girl - [[w:Tang Shen|Tang Shen]]. They were crazy about her. Tang Shen was also an orphan raised by the Ancient One. It was her loving care that made the Ancient One's house into a home and that often brought unexpected visitors to her kitchen. :'''Tang Shen''': Mashimi, no! :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' But Tang Shen saw a hungry innocent creature and, as always, her first thought was to care for it. She decided to keep the curious rat as a pet. Seeing that Tang Shen had grown fond of the hungry little visitor, Yoshi had built a home for the newest member of their family. Although, Tang Shen had captured both the boys' hearts, it was clear that her heart belonged to only one of them - Yoshi. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' But the Ancient One was dead set against it. :'''Ancient One''': Ha, no. The Guardians are no place for you. You must ''not'' do this. Yoshi, a different destiny awaits you. Neither of you are ready. You need much more training. :'''Yukio Mashimi''': Sensei, we are more than ready. :'''Ancient One''': In body perhaps, but it is your heart and mind that still need training, my son. :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': The Guardians are an honorable force for good, Sensei. I want to help them. :''[Tang Shen peers through the doorway into the dojo.]'' :'''Ancient One''': No. I forbid you to ''join'' the Guardians. ''[leaves]'' That is my ''final'' word. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' Though his friendship with Mashimi began to diminish, Yoshi's bond with Tang Shen grew stronger than ever, but the coils of jealousy were winding tighter and tighter in Mashimi's soul until... something snapped. :''[A crack of thunder is followed by rain. Tang Shen lifts her arms to welcome it.]'' :'''Yukio Mashimi''': Tang Shen! :'''Tang Shen''': Oh, Mashimi, you startled me. ''[?]'' What, what is wrong with you? :''[Inside his dojo the little rat munches on a crumb when the sound of Tang Shen’s scream cuts the air. The Ancient One is nearby and runs for the door.]'' :'''Ancient One''': Tang Shen? ''[runs outside, looking for her.]'' Tang Shen! ''[He then spots her prone form.]'' Oh no! Tang Shen! <hr width=50%/> :'''Shredder''': Secure all the exits. Let none escape. :''[Mashimi, now wearing the garb of the Foot, steps up next to Shredder.]'' :'''Mortu''': Mashini, ''you'' have betrayed ''us!''? :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': Mashimi, why? :'''Yukio Mashimi''': How dare ''you'' ask why! ''You'' betrayed ''me!'' We were like brothers, but you had everything and left me with nothing!! Now I take everything from you, including your life!! <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' Yoshi returned to tell Tang Shen all that had happened, only to find out the horrible truth. :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': Tang Shen!? No! '''NOOOO!!''' ''[echoes]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[at Shen's grave]'' :'''Ancient One''': This is all my fault. I knew Mashimi had a dark streak in his heart. :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': It is not your fault, Master. It is Mashimi's fault and he shall pay with his life!! :'''Ancient One''': Be careful, my son. Vengeance is like a splinter that will poison your mind and heart. <hr width=50%/> :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': Yukio Mashimi, I have come for you! Show yourself, ''traitor!'' :'''Shredder''': ''[sits on his throne.]'' Mashimi. :''[Mashimi steps out in front of the stairs leading up to Shredder’s throne.]'' :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': Mashimi, ''I'' challenge ''you'' to a ''duel'', assassin!! :'''Yukio Mashimi''': A duel!? Ha! You have unknowingly stepped into the lion's den, Yoshi! I do not need to fight you! We outnumber you!! :'''Shredder''': You are mistaken, Yukio Mashimi. You stand alone. Defeat Hamato Yoshi and I will forgive our humiliating retreat from the Utrom base. Only if you defeat Yoshi will I let you live. :'''Yukio Mashimi''': As you wish, Master. ''[walks over to where Yoshi waits and strikes a defensive posture.]'' So, Yoshi, our story comes full circle! It began with the two of us and it will end with just the two of us!! :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': This story will only end with one of us, Mashimi!! <hr width=50%/> :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': Well, little one. I will name you Splinter. And together, we will remind ourselves of Tang Shen. Of her beauty, her kindness, and love. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': Well, I think we all know the rest of the story. :'''Michelangleo''': Man! What a bummer story. :'''Master Splinter''': Perhaps, Michelangelo, but perhaps not. It not for these events, I would never have been brought to New York. :'''Donatello''': And the Utroms would never have had to relocate here either, meaning no ooze. :'''Raphael''': No us. <hr width=50%/> :''[Present Day Japan. The Ancient One approaches a home. Inside, a gate rises and he proceeds down a long flight of stairs. He enters a large chamber, lit by fire sconces mounted around the center of a circular area. He bows.]'' :'''Ancient One''': I have come to plead for the turtles. You must not carry out your designs. :''[From the darkness, a pair of blue eyes light up. It is one of the Ninja Tribunal.]'' :'''Juto-Shisho''': You are too late, Ancient One. :''[From another side, the bright eyes are green.]'' :'''Chikara-Shisho''': We have decided. :''[Yet a third set of eyes, silver in color, appears.]'' :'''Kon-Shisho''': We will judge the turtles’ fate. We will determine whether they will live... :'''Juto-Shisho''': Or how they will meet their end. :''[The Ancient One bows.]'' ==<span style=color:purple>'''The Mutated Era of Donatello'''</span>== ===Adventures in Turtle Sitting=== :'''Leonardo''' ''[narrating]'': Things are not good, and they're getting worse by the second. We could really use good old Donnie right about now. Ever since Bishop's mutant outbreak began, Don's been the one guiding us through this whole mess. Coming up with all the answers. :''[Michelangelo gets hit]'' :'''Raph''': Mikey! :'''Leo''': ''[narrating]'' There have been ''hundreds'' of times we'd've been turtle-waxed... if Don's brains hadn't bailed us out. :'''Leo''': ''[sees Raph getting grabbed a monster]'' Raph! :'''Leo''': ''[narrating]'' It's too bad Don's not here now, because this is definitely one of those times. <hr width=50%/> :'''April''': Now who could that be? [She opens the doors to find the Michelangelo, Leonardo and Raphael standing there.] Guys! Hey, this is...unexpected. Guys! Hey, this is...unexpected. :'''Leonardo''': Sorry, April, but we’re on our way to a possible mutant outbreak at the power plant and— :'''Donatello''': Achoo! ''[groans, leans against the doorframe, looking weak and with dark bags under his eyes.]'' :'''April''': Whoa. Don, you look greener than usual. A lot greener than usual. :'''Donnie''': I know, I-- ''[blows his nose.]'' I've picked up this little bug and I haven't been able to shake it. ''[blows nose]'' I was feeling alright, but I just can't handle mutants right now. :'''Mikey''': Did you figure that out before, or after you barfed in the Battle Shell? :'''Raph''': Mikey! ''[slaps Mikey in the head]'' :'''Mikey''': OW! :'''Raph''': ''Adults'' are talking. April, can you keep an eye on Donnie for us? :'''Donnie''': Achoo! ''[blows his nose.]'' :'''April''': Of course Don can stay here. I mean, we weren’t going anywhere anyway. :'''Casey''': Bro’, you are seriously cramping my style here. :'''Donnie''': Sorry. :'''April''': You guys have been on monster patrol for weeks. What’s the plan, clean up all the mutants in Manhattan? :'''Leo''': Well, no. This outbreak is way more than four turtles can handle. We’re just trying to keep it from spreading. :'''April''': Well, go get ‘em guys. We’ll watch Don. :'''Leo''': Donnie, take it easy bro’. ''[The other turtles depart.]'' :'''Donnie''': Good lu-uh-uh-achoo! Achoo! :'''Casey''': Uh! ''[slaps his forehead as Donatello groans.]'' Come on, sickly mutant ninja turtle, you better lie down before you fall down. ''[helps Donatello lie down on the couch and then covers him with a blanket.]'' There. Comfy? <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': Okay, Mikey, you take the left. Don, you cover me on— :'''Michelangelo''': Uh, Don’s home sick from school today, Leo. :'''Leonardo''': Right. Raph, you cover me on the right. And remember guys, just contain them, do not splatter them. :'''Raphael''': We know the drill. Can't have that cream filling spillin' out, infecting other creatures with their freako DNA. The last thing we need is more genetic rejects. I mean, we've already got Mikey. :''[It's loving brother time!]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[after Donatello mutates]'' :'''April O'Neil''': This is crazy! :'''Casey Jones''': What do we do?! :'''April''': It's Don right? Try talking to him! :'''Casey''': Talk to him, are you nuts!? He's a savage, freaky monster and '''YOU JUST WHACKED HIM IN THE FACE WITH A BROOM!!!''' :''[Casey being the voice of reason]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Stockman''': I-- I don’t understand. What’s happened? What have you done to me? :'''Agent Bishop''': I had your brain recovered from the bottom of New York’s East River after your misguided sabbatical. While I could do without your personality, I do need your brain. The outbreak is getting worse by the minute, and I expect you to use that powerful mind of yours to clean it up. :'''Stockman''': I-- I-- I can’t believe... oh. I can’t believe you brought me back this. Why? Why? [He gets off the table and stands on shaky legs before falling.] Why couldn’t you let me finally rest in peace? Why?! <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': What was that thing? :'''Raphael''': And where’s Don? :'''Michelangelo''': Did that monster get Don? :'''April''': Guys, that monster is Don. :'''Michelangelo''': Say what? :'''April''': That thing you just fought is Don. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leatherhead''': I regret to say... I cannot cure him. :'''Mikey''': What?! NO!! :'''Raphael''': '''MAN, I AM GONNA TAKE BISHOP AND RAM MY FOOT SO FAR...''' :'''Leonardo''': Easy, Raph! We'll find cure, but first we got to capture Don before he hurts himself or anyone else. :''[Raph almost says something inappropriate for kids]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Michelangelo''': Oh ugly, mutated-version-of-my-beloved-brother DONATELLOOOO, where are youuu~?! ''[He hears growling.]'' Donny?! :''[Mutant Donatello appears rounds a turn, sees Michelangelo, and charges.]'' :'''Mikey''': Like, ZOINKS!! :''[Michelangelo dodges a swing, leaps over Donatello’s head, and runs. Donatello chases him. Michelangelo catches onto a hole in the ceiling of the tunnel and one handed swings through into the tunnel above. He turns and looks back, but sees no Donatello. Arming his weapon, he walks back towards the hole. Suddenly Donatello bursts through and Michelangelo screams and runs.]'' :'''Mikey''': Oh, Humna, humna, humna, humna, humna, humna, humna, humna! WHOA! :''[mutant Donatello keeps swinging his fists to Michelangelo, who keeps dodging them by swinging back and forward]'' :'''Mikey''': Now I know how a piñata feels! ''[dodge another fist swing]'' AND I DON'T LIKE IT! Whoa, Don! Come on, quit it! ''[Raph and Leo arrive.]'' A little help here, guys? :'''Raphael''': Whoa, mama! Don’s been taking his vitamins. ''[Donatello punches Michelangelo and flings him down at the feet of his brothers.]'' I’m really sorry about this, Donny! :''[He jumps down in front of Donatello and swings at him with his capture claw weapon.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Remember, this is Don. Do not hurt him! :''[Raphael hops around as Donatello tries to slash him.]'' :'''Raphael''': That’s not gonna be a problem, Leo! :''Donatello straightens and roars. Leonardo kicks his carapace and when Donatello turns, Raphael kicks him. Donatello falls forward onto his hands and knees.'' :'''Leonardo''': Leatherhead, you’re on. :''[Leatherhead leaps out of hiding and runs towards Donatello, who has risen to his feet. Leatherhead plows into him, grabs and lifts him off his feet. Donatello tries to snap at him. Leatherhead shoves him into the containment unit and Michelangelo and Leonardo slam the door shut. Donatello pounds on the glass as his brothers and Leatherhead look on.]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Splinter''': ''[sadly]'' My son. :'''Leatherhead''': I can sympathize. I know what it’s like to be a monster. :'''Raphael''': ''[places his hand on Splinter’s shoulder.]'' Poor Donny. :'''Michelangelo''': What are we gonna do, Leo? :'''Leonardo''': Do? This is Donatello. This is our brother. ''[He flattens a palm on the glass.]'' We’re going to hunt down a cure for him, no matter what it takes. No matter what it takes. ===Good Genes=== ====Part 1 [2.24]==== :'''[[w:Leatherhead (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Leatherhead]]''': ''(Narrating)'' As we fly through the night, I can't help but ponder: intelligence, reason, even simple thought. Most people take these things for granted. I do not. For I know what it's like to be an advanced mind, trapped in the body of a brute... of a monster. But for once, I am not the monster in question. My friend Donatello is one of the gentlest souls I've ever met, with one of the finest minds I've ever known. But now, thanks to the evil agent Bishop, my friend has been transformed into a thoughtless savage. And I fear that the Donatello I know may truly be lost forever. <hr width=50%/> :'''Karai''': Mystics, your master has need of you! :''[Laughter echoes all around her.]'' :'''Water Mystic''': ''[voice-over]'' Our master is the Shredder. Not you, little girl! :''[The Earth Mystic materializes atop of podium.]'' :'''Earth Mystic''': You are nothing but a pretender! like the Utrom abomination before you! :''[The other Mystics appear atop their perches.]'' :'''Karai''': You forget your place, Mystics! You serve me now. I hold the same power over you as my father did! All your talk of ancient power. You live in the past. I am the future and you will obey me. Find the turtle Leonardo! ''He'' must pay for his crimes ''against'' my father! Do you hear me?! ''[turns and walks away.]'' ''Find him!'' ''[exits the room. As the door closes behind her, the Mystics speaks again.]'' :'''Earth Mystic''': Perhaps ''he'' will find you! <hr width=50%/> :'''Leo''': Once we have Bishop, We'll convince him to help Don. :'''Raph''': Leatherhead and I can handle that part of the plan, we can be very convincing. ''[punches hand]'' :'''Michelangelo''': It's Area 51, they probably have a UFO watching us from SPACE! <hr width=50%/> :'''Stockman''': Now open that hunk a' junk. ====Part 2 [2.25]==== :'''Leo''': ''(Narrating)'' A wise man once said: I've got a bad feeling about this. And right now, I know how he feels. Believe it or not, that's my brother Donatello. And right now, he's sick. Really sick. He was scratched by one of Bishop's outbreak mutants, and now he has become a savage, mindless monster. Had it been any of us, we would have looked at Don to save the day. But even with Leatherhead's help, we're no closer to finding a cure. With no other options, we tracked down the one man who might have a cure: the man responsible for the outbreak in the first place: Agent Bishop. Bishop agreed to cure Don, but for a price. Infiltrating Foot central? It's an impossible mission. But what can we do? Our brother is sick. And there's nothing we won't do to save him. Even if it means... making a deal with the devil. <hr width=50%/> :'''Agent Bishop''': Comm systems on, secure channel :'''The Entity''': Ah, Agent Bishop, we are transmitting coordinates to you even as we speak :'''Bishop''': And in return? :'''Entity''': We will let you know, will you be retrieving the artifact yourself? :'''Bishop''': Of cause not, i'll sending in special agents. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leatherhead''': Donatello's condition continues to deteriorate, there's not much time. :'''Master Splinter''': Doctor Stockman, Agent Bisharp told us you have administer the cure to Donatello. :'''Baxter Stockman''': To think I sunk so low that unparalleled genius would be used save the life of these freaks, unfathomable. :'''Leatherhead''': Where is the cure Stockman? :'''Stockman''': I am pulled sweet oblivion for what? this? :'''Leatherhead''': Show us the cure NOW! :'''Stockman''': CURE? you stupid animal, Agent Bishop lied there is no cure. :'''Splinter''': WHAT?! :''[Leatherhead growls and his eyes turn green on Stockman]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Leo''': April come in :'''April''': Go leo :'''Leo''': we've made it to the Foots garbage disposal facility, time for you & Casey to do your thing :'''April''': Casey's heading in to the power station now, stand by :'''Casey''': Hey if we gonna put a computer virus in here to shut down the power, how come you're not going in? :'''April''': Because I don't look like a janitor :'''Casey''': Gee thanks :'''Leo''': Keep us posted April, we're moving into position :'''April''': Roger that :'''Leo''': Well here the fun starts :'''April''': All the buildings garbage go through shoots that led to an incinerator :'''Michelangelo''': We're going in through the furnace, isn't that gonna be hot???? :'''Leo''': It's our only way and that's not all,once through the incinerators we go up a shoots. :'''April''': Which Karai has secured with a deadly grid of lazers :'''Leo''': When the power drops we go up the vent, we gotta beat the emergency-power kicking in :'''Mikey''': Ah, Leo why is the grid still on? :'''Leo''': Casey, April, cut that power or we're turtles flambe. :'''Casey''': I've put in the stupid virus but it ain't working! :'''Leo''': Casey we really need that power out NOW :'''Casey''': Alright, you stupid computers, we're doing this old school, ''[picks up a computer]'' GOONGALA!!! ''[throws computer]'', Woo hoo :'''Leo''': Grids' down <hr width=50%/> :'''Karai''': Find out what's going on . . . Leonardo is here, but why?, why would he come here? <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': Good work Casey we're in, April go the phase 3: get to the copter :'''April O'Neil''': On it :'''Leo''': remember we get what we need and get out, Ralph you know what you have to do, Mikey you're with me, let's go <hr width=50%/> :'''Metal Mystic''': Everything goes as planned my brothers. :'''Earth Mystic''': Soon we all be free! <hr width=50%/> :''[About the mystic Heart of Tengu]'' :'''Karai''': No!! Give that to me!! You do not know what you are doing!! <hr width=50%/> :'''Karai''': You cannot take that! :'''Leonardo''': Watch me!! <hr width=50%/> :'''Karai''': No! ''[runs towards them.]'' Leonardo, face me!! :''[Leonardo turns and draws a sword, but Michelangelo catches him by the arm.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Get in, Get out, right? It's not about Karai, right? :'''Leo''': ''[sheathes his katana.]'' Right. :''[They climb onto the rubble piled in front of the hole in the wall.]'' :'''Karai''': Stop them! Someone stop them!! :''[All three turtles jump. Karai and her Foot Elite reach the opening, but can only watch as the turtles climb up a ladder dangling from the helicopter.]'' :'''Karai''': No! No! ''[drops to her knees.]'' No-o! ''[echoes]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Don''': ''[Emerges from a cloud of mist, cured]'' Hey guys, what's up? ''[collapses into Leatherhead's arms]'' :'''Leatherhead''': I have you, my friend. :'''Michelangelo, Raphael and Leonardo''': All right! Donny! Welcome back! It’s so good to see you again! <hr width=50%/> :'''Master Splinter''': Welcome back, my son. :'''Don''': I hope you guys didn't go through too much trouble for me. (Did you?) :''[Everyone is silent]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Nah. ==Ninja Tribunal== * This is the Season 4 finale. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' You know, if there's one thing I've learned being a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, is to always expect the unexpected. But with all of our training, and all of our hard work, I'd like to think that we're ready for anything. But sometimes, the unexpected is just a little too... unexpected. <hr width=50%/> :'''Raphael''': Yeah, no offense Donnie, but you weren't too much fun when you were... sick. :'''Michelangelo''': Fun?! He was a monster. An absolutely, horrible, drooling big nasty-fanged monster! You tried to eat my leg! <hr width=50%/> :'''Michelangelo''': Are we sure that Donnie's all better? See the full moon, Donnie? Do you feel the monster inside? The monster taking control?! 'MWAHAHAHA!!!! :'''Donatello''': Oh no. I'm- I'm changing! '''RAAAAGGGHH!''' :'''Mikey''': AAAAHHH! HELP ME! HELP ME! HE'S TRYING TO EAT MY LEG AGAIN! AAAAAHHHHH! <hr width=50%/> :''[After the enemy ninjas demonstrated their weapon sticks to the Turtles.]'' :'''Raphael''': Now maybe it's just me, but I think these guys plan to stick it to us. <hr width=50%/> :'''Juto-Shisho''': Bow when you enter this sanctuary. :'''Chikara-Shisho''': We require warriors to combatant, and as pathetic as you are, you eight are our best hope. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': You expect us to fight each other? :'''Raphael''': Forget it, bucketheads. :'''Kon-Shisho''': You WILL fight, or you will be destroyed. <hr width=50%/> :''[Back to New York City, the rooftop from which the turtles were kidnapped. Splinter and the Ancient One are searching the rooftop. The Ancient One finds the slashed mask left by the wooden warrior that Leonardo had fought.]'' :'''Ancient One''': The Mokusai no Bushi were here. ''[He studies gashes in the rooftop and then points to another area.]'' And here, signs of a struggle. :'''Splinter''': The Ninja Tribunal has taken my sons! Ancient One, you must take me to the tribunal. :'''Ancient One''': You know that what you ask is simply not permitted. :'''Splinter''': Permitted or not, I will protect my sons! == Characters == === Main === * [[w:Leonardo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Leonardo]] (or Leo) - voiced by [[w:Michael Sinterniklaas|Michael Sinterniklaas]] * [[w:Donatello (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Donatello]] (or Donnie) - voiced by [[w:Sam Riegel|Sam Riegel]] * [[w:Raphael (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Raphael]] (or Raph) - voiced by [[w:Greg Abbey|Frank Frankson]] * [[w:Michelangelo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Michelangelo]] (or Mikey) - voiced by [[w:Wayne Grayson|Wayne Grayson]] === Recurring === * [[w:Splinter (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Splinter]] - voiced by [[Darren Dunstan]] * [[w:April O'Neil|April O'Neil]] - voiced by [[w:Veronica Taylor|Veronica Taylor]] * [[w:Casey Jones (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Arnold Casey Jones Jr.]] - voiced by [[w:Marc Thompson (voice actor)|Marc Thompson]] === Antagonists === * [[w:Karai (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles|Karai]] – voiced by Karen Neill * Agent John Bishop – voiced by [[w:David Zen Mansley|David Zen Mansley]] * [[w:Baxter Stockman|Baxter Stockman]] – voiced by Scott Williams * Savanti Romero – voiced by [[w:David Zen Mansley|David Zen Mansley]] * [[w:Hun (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Hun]] – voiced by [[w:Greg Carey (voice actor)|Greg Carey]] * Rat King – voiced by [[w:David Zen Mansley|David Zen Mansley]] === Supporting === * [[w:Leatherhead (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Leatherhead]] - voiced by [[w:Greg Carey (voice actor)|Gary K. Lewis]] * The Ancient One - voiced by David Chen * [[w:Miyamoto Usagi|Miyamoto Usagi]] - voiced by [[w:Jason Griffith|Jason Griffith]] * [[w:Murakami Gennosuke|Murakami Gennosuke]] – voiced by [[Eric Stuart]] * Jhanna - voiced by [[w:Lisa Ortiz|Lisa Ortiz]] * Raptarr - voiced by Marc Diraison * Renet - voiced by Liza Jacqueline * Professor August O'Neil - voiced by [[w:Marc Thompson (voice actor)|Marc Thompson]] * Robyn O'Neil * * * * * Mortu - voiced by [[w:Dan Green (voice actor)|Dan Green]] * The Ultimate Daimyo - voiced by [[w:Marc Thompson (voice actor)|Marc Thompson]] * Gyoji - voiced by [[w:Oliver Wyman (actor)|Oliver Wyman]] * Nobody - voiced by [[w:Sean Schemmel|Sean Schemmel]] === Minor === * [[w:Hamato Yoshi|Hamato Yoshi]] – voiced by [[Eric Stuart]] * [[w:Shredder (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Ch'rell/Oroku Saki/Shredder]] - voiced by [[w:Scott Rayow|Scottie Ray]] * Angel - voiced by [[w:Tara Sands|Tara Jayne]] * Arnold Casey Jones Sr. * Baxter Stockman's mother * [[w:Tang Shen|Tang Shen]] * Yukio Mashimi * * * * * ==External links== {{wikipedia|Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003 TV series, season 4)}} {{Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles}} [[Category:Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003 TV series) seasons|4]] [[Category:Children's television seasons]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about turtles]] [[Category:American animated television seasons]] qiho4096872tbs46xsivtzcewspwh74 3778959 3778944 2025-07-15T01:00:38Z 2001:8003:DD49:F700:7CE2:F3C:CD2C:140C /* Still Nobody */ 3778959 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''Seasons''': [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 1)|1]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 2)|2]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 3)|3]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 4)|4]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 5): Ninja Tribunal|5: Ninja Tribunal]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Fast Forward|6: Fast Forward]] / [[TMNT: Back to the Sewer|7: Back to the Sewer]] | '''Film''': [[Turtles Forever]] | [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003 TV series)|Main]] ---------------- The following is a list of quotes from the fourth season of the 2003 series '''''[[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003 TV series)|Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles]]'''''. ==Cousin Sid== * This is the Season 4 premiere. This marks the debut appearance of Casey Jones's cousin Sid. <hr width=50%/> :'''[[w:Splinter (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Master Splinter]]''': ''(Narrating)'' Life moves as the wheel of destiny turns, day to night, night to day. [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 3)|Our fight with the Shredder nearly cost us our lives.]] We are broken, battered, but alive. Our bodies will heal but I wonder: Do my sons carry other wounds not so easily overcome? I know with a great heaviness that there will always be some new threat to challenge us. I only pray my sons will be prepared to face it... <hr width=50%/> :''[The episode opens with a view of the Jones’ family farmhouse at night. Cut to the interior. The front door opens, and April enters with Master Splinter. He is injured and she is supporting him.]'' :'''April O'Neil''': Just a little bit further, Master Splinter. :''[Donatello and Michelangelo enter next. Donatello’s arm is in a sling and Michelangelo is on crutches with casts on his legs.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Finally. Now, someone give me a fork or something. You have no idea how bad my legs itch. :'''Donatello''': Yeah, we do, Mikey. We heard about it the whole trip. :''[Last to enter are Casey Jones, Raphael, and Leonardo. Casey and Leonardo are supporting Raphael. The two turtles have bandages wrapped around their bodies. April helps Splinter onto a chair.]'' :'''Splinter''': Thank you, April. I am not as young as I once was. Wound's take longer to heal. :'''Michelangelo''': I'm still as young as I once was, and I don't feel like I'm ever going to heal! :''[Casey and Leonardo helps Raphael to lie down on the couch.]'' :'''Raphael''': Too bad you didn't break your jaw. Maybe we’d finally get a little peace and quiet around here. ''[bones cracking]'' Ow. :'''Michelangelo''': ''[sits in a chair next to Splinter’s and props his legs up.]'' Ahh! That's... better? ''[sniffs]'' Ew! What's that smell?! It smells like burnt – ''[He glances over at his father.]'' Oh, right. Sorry, Sensei. :'''April''':All right. Who's hungry? :'''Donatello''': Me! :'''Michelangelo''': I am! :'''Donatello''': I am! :'''Casey Jones''': Over here! :''[Leonardo is standing at the window, staring into the yard.]'' :'''April''': Leo? :'''Splinter''': Leonardo? :'''Leonardo''': I'm fine. <hr width=50%/> :'''April''': ''[grabs the fork from Michelangelo]'' No scratching. <hr width=50%/> : '''Raphael''': Hey, I like it when Leo acts tough. We should get Karai to stab him more often. :''(Leo angrily glares)'' :'''Mikey''': Easy Leo. Leave Raph to me. Raph needs a hiding place. Don't you, Raphie boy? And I got just the spot. :'''Raph''': Hiding spot? ''[Leonardo and Donatello carry him to a closet.]'' Don't even... No way am I missing this action. ==The People's Choice== :'''[[w:Michelangelo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Michelangelo]]''': ''(Narrating)'' Who would have guessed that getting back to nature with my bro's would turn into a sci-fi marathon? There's nothing cooler than slimy, slippery space-creatures, giant alien blobs, cosmic rock creatures with a bad attitude, or intergalactic catfight! And here I thought our camping trip was going to be boring. Silly me! <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> ==Sons of the Silent Age== :'''[[w:April O'Neil|April O'Neil]]''': ''(Narrating)'' I love nature. Its beauty, its balance and perfection. Nature reminds me of what I learned in school about the scientist Charles Darwin. Darwin believed in the survival of the fittest. He explained how life on Earth could be defined simply as the struggle for existence. But, it seems to me that the struggle for existence is never very simple. <hr width=50%/> :'''April''': Are you okay, Leo? I know something’s been bothering you. :'''Leonardo''': Yeah, I... I don’t know. Well, I guess I do. It’s... I just can’t stop thinking about the last time we faced off against the Shredder. ''[clenches his fist.]'' That the only way that we could’ve defeated him was by blowing ourselves up. I couldn’t protect my brothers, my master. ''[punches a fist into the palm of his other hand.]'' I feel like such a complete failure, and no matter how I try to rationalize it, justify it, it always comes down to the fact that I wasn’t good enough. <hr width=50%/> :'''Raphael''': Then the first thing we have ta' do is sneak in there. :'''Michelangelo''': Right, and like the Three Musketeers used to say, "One for all and all for ninja mode." Course, I'm paraphrasing. ''[smack]'' Owww! :'''Raph''': What is wrong with you? :'''Mikey''': What? ==Dragon's Brew== * This is the only episodes in the series to not feature Raph (despite being mentioned), Mikey, and Donnie. <hr width=50%/> :'''Hun''': ''(Narrating)'' This is the dawning of a new age. I have seen the past and I have touched the future. I have learned from my late great master that preparation is everything and I am prepared. Our destiny will soon be at hand. Nothing can stop us now. Nothing. <hr width=50%/> :'''Casey''': Ha~ah! :'''Hun''': Jones! Uh! :'''Casey''': ''[elbows him in the gut and then sweeps his feet from under him with a hockey stick.]'' You and me, we got unfinished business! :'''Hun''': Bring it on. ''[Leonardo hops onto a box behind him.]'' Thought you turtles were destroyed. :'''Leonardo''': There’s a lot of that going around. :'''Casey''': He’s mine, Leo! :'''Leonardo''': I’ll just soften him up a little for you. <hr width=50%/> :'''Boy''': Mommy, I was dreaming about Daddy. It was horrible! :'''Mother''': It’s okay, Sweetie. Daddy is in a better place, remember? ==I, Monster== * This marks the debut appearance of Rat King. <hr width=50%/> :'''Rat King''': ''(Narrating)'' I awoke in the mud and the slime of a filthy river. I don't know where I am or even who I am. I'm haunted by glimpses... momentary fragments of a life I think I had. But what life do I have now? What am I, but a monster? And now all will fear me... because everything fears the monster. <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> ==Grudge Match== :'''[[w:Raphael (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Raphael]]''': ''(Narrating)'' It may look like just another day in the Battle Nexus, with the crowds and the cheering, but trust me, this day was gonna be special. I was looking forward to somebody finally shutting Mikey up about being Battle Nexus Champion. But it was starting to look like they were gonna shut Mikey up permanently. <hr width=50%/> :'''Master Splinter''': Yes. Pizza sounds very appetizing right now, with pepperoni and ''karma''. ==A Wing and a Prayer== * This marks the debut appearance of Raptarr. <hr width=50%/> :'''Raptarr''': ''(Narrating)'' Long have I watched over the world of man, and have I've been sickened by the ruthless acts of a soulless few. But through it all, I have learned more of who I am. Some call me "Hunter". Some call me "Protector". Whatever I am called, I have vowed to be this world's guardian angel. <hr width=50%/> ==Bad Day== :'''[[w:Donatello (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Donatello]]''': ''(Narrating)'' OK, pop quiz: If a dozen of Agent Bishop's deadly commandos are chasing you at ninety miles an hour from points A, B, and C, what are the odds you're gonna survive the next five minutes? <hr width=50%/> :'''Master Splinter''': Perhaps, but I am not speaking to you. I wait for my true foes to reveal themselves. You cannot touch me! :'''Foot Mystic''': This one is more powerful than we imagined. <hr width=50%/> :'''Karai''': Fools! Another failure!? :'''Fire Mystic''': Our encounter has given information that will be useful to us. But we did not expect our forces to be breached. :'''Karai''': And you recklessly revealed your presence to the rodent! :'''Water Mystic''': We assure you, we have gained enough knowledge for our next assault. :'''Karai''': Then make it so! Otherwise, when I attack, I assure you it will be no illusion!! ==Aliens Among Us== :'''Agent Bishop''': ''(Narrating)'' For more years than I can remember I have stood watch. Preparing for a day I've long known was inevitable. The alien threat is real. And the world has suffered at the hand of these invaders. The world must be prepared it must always be vigilant. And I will make sure it is, no matter what the cost. ==Dragons Rising== * This marks the only appearance of Arnold Casey Jones Sr., the late father of [[w:Casey Jones (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Casey Jones]] in flashbacks <hr width=50%/> :'''[[w:Casey Jones (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Casey Jones]]''': ''(Narrating)'' You know, it's taken me quite a while, but I've really come a long way. I finally got my temper under control. However, there are still a few certain things that can really make my blood boil. Hun is one of them certain things. ''[Flashback to younger Hun and Casey]'' Me and him, we go way back. See, when I was a kid, a gang of street punks was shaking my old man down for protection money. It was Hun and the Purple Dragons. When my old man wouldn't pay him, they torched our store. :'''Hun''': ''[grabs young Casey]'' You tell your old man punk, Next time pay up or else. ''[drops young Casey and walks off with the Purple dragons gang as young Casey watches sadly flashbacks end]'' :'''Casey Jones''': ''(Narrating)'' Yeah, me and him, we still got a score to settle. No matter how I try to plan out this problem, the two of us are headed for a bad, bad, showdown. :''[Casey and Hun grapple with each other atop a truck moving at high speed.]'' :'''Casey Jones''': ''(Narrating)'' Who knows? Maybe I haven't come as far as I thought. <hr width=50%/> :'''Mrs. Jones''': Arnold, please. Is too dangerous. :'''Young Casey''': Please, Pops, don’t go. :'''Arnold Jones Sr.''': ''[squats down and places a hand on his son's shoulder.]'' I gotta, kiddo. I put everything we had into that store. I can’t just let them get away with this. I’m going to the police. :'''Young Casey''': But they said no cops. They said if you— :'''Arnold Jones Sr.''': Casey, sometimes you just gotta stand up for what’s right, even if the odds are against you. Even if you’re all alone. You gotta just stand up and do the right thing. <hr width=50%/> :''[Casey, Raphael, Michelangelo and Donatello are inside the Battle Shell and Leonardo stands behind the vehicle outside and crossed his arms]'' :'''Raphael''': Come on, Leo, get in. :'''Michelangelo''': Let’s go home, bro. ''[Leonardo doesn’t move]'' :'''Raph''': '''Now what!?''' ''[groans]'' :'''Leonardo''': ''[angrily]'' We ''didn't'' finish the job. We blew it. Again! '''We blew it!''' :'''Donatello''': We ''did'' the best we could. At least we stopped half the convoy. :'''Leo''': ''[angrily]'' '''Half'''. We stopped '''half'''. And only because we got lucky. ''[and looks at his brothers and Casey]'' Is that good enough for you? Is it!? We're always one step behind. We ''act'' like a bunch of '''amateurs'''! How many more times are we gonna get beaten before you guys '''wise up and realize''' <big><big>'''this isn't a game!?'''</big></big> ''[turns around and storms off alone]'' :'''Raph''': ''[stands up and flips the switch to close the back doors]'' I hate to admit it, but ''he'' ain't wrong. : ''[Donatello starts the Battle Shell and drives away, Casey walks up next to him]'' :'''Casey''': Hey, Donny, drive by the cemetery, will ya’? I got an important stop I need to make. <hr width=50%/> :''[Morning came as Donatello, Raphael and Michelangelo wait outside at the Battle Shell as Casey enters the cemetery, he walks up to his father’s grave]'' :'''Casey''': Hey, Pops, I brought ya’ something. ''[kneels and places the torn piece of jacket from Hun on the grave, the tombstone has a marker reads “Arnold Casey Jones Sr. Beloved Husband, Father and Friend.”]'' You spoke true, Pop. No matter what, you gotta stand up and do the right thing. But I guess I’m lucky. Even when the odds are against me, I ain’t alone. ''[stands up]'' I got friends. Good friends. :''[The three turtles stand together and watching him as the morning sun rises]'' ==Still Nobody== :'''Nobody''': ''(Narrating)'' Watching over the city, I have learned the sad truth that violence begins violence. They say nobody can break the cycle. That nobody cares. Nobody can do anything about it. Nobody tries to change things and they're right. Because I'm still Nobody and I do care. I will try to change things. I will make a difference. <hr width=50%/> :''[Elsewhere, the turtles are atop a skyscraper which is under construction.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Two-hundred and eight. ''[They are doing pull-ups on the support beams.]'' Two-hundred and nine. Two-ten. Two-eleven. :''[Someone’s shell cell starts to ring. Raphael and Donatello check theirs.]'' :'''Raphael''': Not mine. :'''Donatello''': Not mine. :'''Leonardo''': Don't stop. Mikey, you left your shell cell on. :'''Michelangelo''': I'm sorry mister 'I'm going to pump you up' Leonardo, but I didn’t know we'd be doing a pull-up marathon. ''[Donatello pops him on the back of the head.]'' Ow! :'''Raphael''': Whoa, Don. Don't smack Mikey. ''[He pops Michelangelo.]'' That's my job. :'''Michelangelo''': Hey! Do I look like a piñata? :'''Donatello''': ''[to Michelangelo]'' Just answer your phone. :'''Michelangelo''': Talk to the turtle. ''[They all continue the pull-ups.]'' Hey, long time no hear. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. No problem. We'll be there. :'''Raphael''': ''[to Michelangelo]'' Who was it? :'''Michelangelo''': Nobody. <hr width=50%/> :'''Fang''': Yes, Master Hun? :'''Hun''': Scratch Jencko and his Turks off of our list of possible recruits, and see if you can retrieve any of the hardware we sold that punk. ''[The limo arrives in front of the “Oroku Saki Memorial Library”.]'' Seems a shame to waste it. :''[Hun steps out of the limo.]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[Inside, people are milling about, talking to one another. Karai steps up to the podium in front of a large, draped object. Reporters begin taking pictures as the crowd quiets down.]'' :'''Karai''': Thank you all for coming to this dedication of the new Oroku Saki Memorial Library. One final gift from my late father to the city that he loved. ''[The drape is pulled off of a huge statue of Oroku Saki. Everyone applauds.]'' It is a great honor to dedicate my life to carrying on my father’s humanitarian efforts, even though he is gone, taken from us too soon. <hr width=50%/> :'''Hun''': ''(sarcastic)'' Lovely party, Karai. :'''Karai''': Hun. I did not expect to see you at this dedication. :'''Hun''': ''[stands up]'' Explain something to me, Karai! You do all this in the name of the Shredder. ''He'' was a alien slug! How could you have known that and still serve him?! :'''Karai''': The Shredder gave me a life. He was my father, and I vow in his name, and I will hunt down those who destroyed him and make them pay with their lives! ==All Hallows Thieves== :'''Raphael''': ''(Narrating)'' Halloween in New York City. One of my favorite times of the year. A day where no matter how odd, how freaky, or scary you might be, you fit in with everyone else. A day when girls and boys all over the city dress as their favorite monsters and heroes and get free candy. A day when even a teenage mutant ninja turtle can walk around in the open. Of course, some Halloweens are filled with more tricks than treats. Maybe this year, we should've stayed home and rented scary movies. ==Samurai Tourist== :'''Miyamoto Usagi''': ''(Narrating)'' The paths we walk in life are different for each of us. Some walk the land without a care in the world while some choose to take on burdens that would crush the spirits of most. The land cares little of which path you choose. But its inhabitants are another matter entirely. Clearly, this is not our land. Gennosuke and I came to visit old friends, but I fear now that our presence has done more harm than good. <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> :'''Splinter''': Thank you, Miyamoto Usagi. When I asked you to come, I hoped you could reach him, but I fear my son is now traveling down a difficult path. A path it seems he must travel alone. :'''Usagi''': I wish you good luck, Master Splinter. Farewell, my friends. ''[pushes Kojima into the portal.]'' :'''Gennosuke''': So long boys! ''[chuckling]'' :''[Gennosuke follows Usagi into the portal. Suddenly...]'' :'''Michelangelo''': ''[scream, appears on the upper landing.]'' Stop him! Don’t let him go! :'''Donatello''': Mikey? ''[The portal vanishes.]'' :'''Raphael''': What now, shell for brains? :'''Michelangelo''': My Silver Sentry comics. Gen, he-- he took ‘em. All of ‘em. '''No!''' ==The Ancient One== * This marks the debut appearance of the Ancient One. <hr width=50%/> :'''[[w:Leonardo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Leonardo]]''': ''(Narrating)'' I've traveled thousands of miles looking for an answer, only to wind up here, halfway across the world in the middle of nowhere, battling it out with four nasty creatures, more ghosts than man, but who's steel is all too real. Meanwhile, my traveling companion, some gross slob who attached himself to me like a bloated tick, doesn't do a thing to help out. He just sits there, grinning like a fool, leaving me to fight for both our lives. I've journeyed all across the world in search for answers, and instead, all I'm gonna get is my head chopped off. <hr width=50%/> :''[The episode begins inside the turtles’ lair, as Leonardo and Splinter spar.]'' :'''Leonardo''': I already told you, I’m fine. :'''Master Splinter''': You are sure?! :''[Michelangelo lowers his comic book and grimaces.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Nothing’s the matter, Sensei. Why do you keep asking me that?! :'''Master Splinter''': So much anger. The unopened bottle will burst when its internal pressure becomes too much to bear. ''[Donatello spots Raphael at the weight bench.]'' For months now you have been brooding, surly, and stubborn. :''[Donatello appears worried.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Yeah, right. :''[Donatello and Raphael glance at one another. Shift to Splinter and Leonardo, who are sparring with swords.]'' :'''Master Splinter''': You have not been yourself. You must release what festers within you. Your family will help you, Leonardo. It is important that we be open with one another. :''[Leonardo attacks and manages to disarm Splinter. He then angrily confronts his father.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Open?! Okay, this Katana lesson stinks! I've mastered this years ago! '''YEARS AGO'''!! :'''Master Splinter''': ''[stares at him and then retrieves the sword.]'' It is not the students choice to say when a lesson is learned. ''[He attacks.]'' The student’s place is to listen and learn. :''[The sparring grows fierce and the other turtles gather to watch.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Something tells me the cork’s about to pop on that unopened bottle. :'''Raphael''': That hothead. ''[Donatello and Michelangelo look at him]'' I hate it when Leo reminds me of me. :'''Leonardo''': I've already mastered this lesson! ''[shoves Splinter.]'' And yesterday's lesson! And the lesson before that! '''WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO TEACH ME''' ''[disarms Splinter.]'' '''SOMETHING I DON'T ALREADY KNOW?!!!''' ''[slashes at Splinter and slices his head. The other turtles run to their father as he drops to one knee and grabs his head.]'' :'''Donatello''': Master Splinter! :'''Michelangelo''': Are you okay? ''[Leonardo drops his sword.]'' :'''Raphael''': Leo! What the shell is your problem!? :'''Leonardo''': ''[shoves past Raphael]'' Master! ''[and Donatello]'' Master, I’m so sorry. I-I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just… I just lost control. ''[He hangs his head.]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[Later, Master Splinter kneels in his room, which is candle lit. There is a bandage on his head. Leonardo stands in the doorway.]'' :'''Splinter''': Sit down, my son. :''[Leonardo enters, slides the door shut, and kneels before his father.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Master, I-I don’t know what to say. :'''Splinter''': Say nothing, listen. We were all badly wounded in our final confrontation with the Shredder. Your brothers and I have healed, but you have not. I have meditated long and hard on this matter, and now realize that you are correct. :'''Leonardo''': Huh? :'''Splinter''': It is time for you to move on. It is time for you to study with a new sensei. :'''Leonardo''': But-but, Master, I don’t want a new sensei. I’m happy here with you. ''[Donatello, Michelangelo and Raphael are listening at the door.]'' I know there’s so much more that you can teach me. :'''Splinter''': No, my son. It is as it must be. ''[Both stand and Splinter goes to the shelves on his back wall.]'' Now, there is but one master in all the world that I would entrust my son’s well-being to. He is wise, honorable, and highly skilled. He is called the Ancient One, ''[He looks at a picture of Hamato Yoshi.]'' and he was the sensei to my sensei, Hamato Yoshi. You must make a pilgrimage, a pilgrimage halfway across the world. :'''Leonardo''': But, Sensei… :'''Splinter''': Come, let us prepare you for your journey. <hr width=50%/> :''[He pushes Leonardo back and swings at him. As Leonardo fights, he has a flashback to Donatello, aboard Shredder’s starship during [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 3)|Exodus part 2]], as the engine starts to overload.]'' :'''Donatello''': Help me! I’m hurt! ''[echoes]'' :'''Michelangelo''': We’re not gonna make it! Leo, help me! ''[echoes]'' :'''Raphael''': Leo, the Shredder’s coming for us! You gotta do something! ''[echoes]'' :'''Splinter''': Save us, Leonardo! We are all counting on you, my son. ''[echoes]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Ancient One''': If there was nothing more you could have done, why do you punish yourself so? :'''Leonardo''': I finally understand. ''[He turns and walks back to the short man and then drops to one knee.]'' Ancient One. I am honored. :'''Ancient One''': Took you long enough, Leonardo. <hr width=50%/> :'''Ancient One''': Now, Leonardo, tell an old man just what it is you think you have learned. ''[hands a bowl to Leonardo.]'' :'''Leonardo''': I guess I’ve been… I’ve been obsessed with failing. I hardened my heart like a rock; wrapped up inside my own shell. Trying to be perfect; thinking I wasn’t good enough, that I needed to be better. So angry… so…. ''[The Ancient One raps him on the head with a bamboo stick.]'' Ow! What? :'''Ancient One''': Too many words. Explain simply. :'''Leonardo''': I’ve been my own worst enemy. :'''Ancient One''': Much better. Now, relax and enjoy your tea, and let me tell you a tale of Master Yoshi. Yoshi found himself at a crossroads, not dissimilar to your own. ==Scion of the Shredder== * [[w:Karai (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Karai]] assumes the legacy of her adopted Utrom father and becomes the new Shredder and the Ninja Turtles' sworn enemy, especially toward Leo. <hr width=50%/> :'''Donatello''': ''(Narrating)'' I've been worried a lot lately. For starters, I'm worried about the Foot. They're back... and they're tougher than ever. And... I'm worried about my brother, Leonardo. He's on a quest to parts unknown, and I'm worried he's not gonna find what he's been looking for. But mostly... I'm worried that Leo won't find us alive when he gets back. Master Splinter tells me that I worry too much. Okay, you tell me. Should I be worried? <hr width=50%/> :''[The episode opens inside the turtles’ lair. Raphael is working out on his punching bag. Donatello is strapped into a harness, suspended over the Shell Sub where he is doing some welding. Michelangelo is seated on the couch with Klunk next to him. He is stacking playing cards while Master Splinter looks on.]'' :'''Splinter''': That is an impressive edifice, Michelangelo. Dare I ask how many hours you have spent building it? :'''Michelangelo''': Good question, Sensei. Hey, Raph, what time is it? :'''Raphael''': Like I wear a watch? How should I know? Hey, Donny, what time is it? :'''Donatello''': Beats me. Ask Leo. ''[He cuts off the welding torch and his brothers stop what they are doing. Splinter lowers his head with a sigh.]'' Sorry. Leo’s been gone more than two months and I still forget he’s not here. :'''Raphael''': Master Splinter, when’s that bum coming back anyway? :''[Donatello and Raphael walk over to join the others.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': And is Leo coming back normal, or like, more normal? ‘Cause before he left he was acting kinda, you know... ''[He twirls a finger next to his temple and Raphael slaps the back of his head.]'' Ow! Hey! :'''Splinter''': I do not know, my sons. Leonardo is on a pilgrimage to find the Ancient One, and to find answers. Such things are beyond time. :'''Donatello''': Well, I miss having him around. :'''Splinter''': As do we all. We must have faith that he will return when he is ready. <hr width=50%/> :'''Ancient One''': Leonardo, your family is in grave danger. :'''Leonardo''': What?! ''[jumps up and leaps over to join the Ancient One, who nods at him.]'' I understand, Sensei. <hr width=50%/> :'''Michelangelo''': Um, what is that? :''[The turtles pull their weapons. Klunk curls around Michelangelo’s ankle.]'' :'''Raphael''': Whatever it is, it’s coming through the front door! :''[The banging continues and the heavily fortified lair entrance bulges. The lair shakes and stones fall. The door shifts to one side and a brace rips loose, then the door falls. Splinter and the turtles rush towards the ramp and watch as two huge Foot mechs, called Shrednauts, crash through the wall and enter the lair. The Shrednauts pause and Foot ninja run into the lair.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': What the...? The Foot! :'''Donatello''': But how? How did ''they'' find us? :'''Raphael''': Don’t matter how they found us, they found us. Now let’s kick the shell out of ‘em! ''[He rushes to meet some advancing ninja.]'' '''Get... out... of... my house!!''' <hr width=50%/> :'''Raphael''': Oh, shell! :'''Donatello''': No way! It can’t be him! :'''Michelangelo''': Master Splinter, any chance this is just another mystical attack? :'''Splinter''': No, my son, this is real. All too real. :'''Donnie''': The Shredder! But, the Utroms sentenced him to exile. :'''Raph''': Yeah? Well, it didn’t take. :''[The dust around the Shredder swirls and then the four Foot Elite appear.]'' :'''Karai''': Oroku Saki is gone, thanks to you, but the Shredder lives on! ''[She removes her helmet to reveal herself.]'' :'''Donnie''': Karai! :'''Splinter''': So the daughter of Oroku Saki has become the Shredder. Why? :'''Karai''': Honor demands it, Splinter-san. After you helped the vile Utroms exile my father, I vowed to avenge his honor! :'''Splinter''': You dare speak of honor!? Your father murdered my Master Yoshi! Your father had no honor! :'''Karai''': You will pay for your lie! ''All of you!!'' Where is Leonardo?! :'''Raph''': ''He'' ain't here! :'''Mikey''': You know, you just missed him, but if you leave right now, we'll tell him that you stopped by. :'''Karai''': You mock me. The fact that you still live mocks me!! ''[She dons the helmet.]'' That all ends now! ''Destroy them!'' Leave no one alive. <hr width80%> :'''Splinter''': Master Yoshi's orb. ''[Karai brakes it]'' No!! :'''Karai''': Your sons destroyed my father! Now I will repay them in kind! I begged Leonardo to let him go, but ''he'' would not listen to reason!! :'''Splinter''': It is ''you'' who has been blinded to reason! Oroku Saki was a murderer! But ''you'' will ''not'' allow yourself to see the truth!! :'''Karai''': I see clearly, rat! and you will pay for what you have done to me! :''[They fight.]'' :'''Splinter''': I reached out to you! I hoped that you would turn away from evil, but I can see now that has consumed you!! ''[Karai slashes his shoulder.]'' Ugh! ''[steps back]'' You are faster than your father. I will give you that, but your dark heart will betray you, just as ''his'' did!! :''[She strikes him hard enough to expel him from the room. Karai stalks towards him as Splinter lays on the ground.]'' :'''Karai''': You are not even worthy to speak of my father, rodent!! ''[grabs him by his robe and lifts him off the ground.]'' I will silence your treacherous tongue once and for all!! ''[She draws back an arm to strike. Raphael pushes himself up from the ground and sees them.]'' :'''Raphael''': '''NO!!''' :'''Donatello''': Master Splinter! :''[Raphael races forward and leaps at Karai, who spins around and hits him, dropping Splinter in the process. Donatello runs at her and jumps, kicking her to the ground, which causes Karai to lose her helmet. She doesn’t move and Donatello helps Splinter stand up. He is joined by Raphael and Michelangelo.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Master Splinter! :'''Donatello''': We have to get out of here. :''[They all spin around at another loud crashing sound, to find the lair filled with enemies, all of them staring at the mutant family.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Uh, easier said than done. :'''Raphael''': Donnie, you take Master Splinter with you. We split up, get out, and hook back up again topside. Got it? ''[They jump as a Shrednaut strikes the ledge they were on.]'' Now let’s go! And guys, be careful. <hr width80%> <hr width80%> <hr width80%> :'''Michelangelo''': Klunk? ''[Klunk meow]'' Where are you, Klunk? ''[He ducks a laser blast and then looks up to see Klunk standing on an overhead rafter.]'' Ah! Hang on, Klunk, I’m coming! ''[He leaps and climbs until he reaches the cat.]'' I got you pal. Mikey’s here. :''[He picks up Klunk and then spots a Shrednaut taking aim at him. It fires and Michelangelo jumps for a rope, which he climbs while Klunk clings to his shell. Still dodging blasts from the Shrednaut, Michelangelo leaps for a fire escape ladder which he rides down to the floor below. Jumping off the ladder, he hops from Foot ninja to Foot ninja, bouncing off of their shoulders, before spin kicking one down and landing on the ground. He turns to find a Shrednaut aiming at him. Michelangelo darts between the legs of another Shrednaut and rolls to a stop at a ramp. Holding Klunk, he runs as a Shrednaut pulverizes a support column and the rocks tumble down. Michelangelo races into the next room and the Shrednaut follows. Parked along one wall is the Turtle Tunneler. Michelangelo is inside with Klunk.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Don’t worry, Klunk. I’ve got a plan. ''[Klunk hops into his lap.]'' Here we go. :''[He starts the Tunneler’s engine and fires up the front laser drill. As he drives towards a back wall, the Shrednaut opens fire. The Tunneler drills its way into the sewer tunnels and drives away, but the Shrednaut enters the tunnel and gives chase.]'' <hr width80%> :''[Meanwhile, the elevator reaches the garage above the lair. When the elevator door opens, Raphael walks out slowly, and then drops to all fours, breathing hard. Behind him, the Foot ninja are all unconscious. Suddenly the garage door opens and Raphael looks up to see more Foot ninja approaching.]'' :'''Raphael''': You gotta be kidding me. :''[The Foot ninja race towards him and Raphael jumps up to run for the Battle Shell. He enters just as the ninja throw several throwing stars at him, all of them hitting the door. Raphael starts the engine and then fires a missile at the Foot ninja blocking the door. With the path cleared, Raphael drives out of the garage and onto the city streets.]'' <hr width80%> :''[Meanwhile, Karai is still inside the lair.]'' :'''Karai''': In the name of Oroku Saki, ''Find them!!'' They must not be allowed to live. ''[The Foot bow to her and run to do her bidding.]'' And tear this filthy place apart, Leave nothing standing! :''[The Shrednauts begin firing, taking down support pillars and blasting the ceiling with missiles. Karai laughs as the turtles’ home is destroyed.]'' <hr width80%> :''[To the river, where Donatello, piloting the Shell Sub, is trying to shake his pursuers. The Foot fire torpedoes.]'' :'''Donatello''': Hold on, Master Splinter. :''He pulls back hard on the steering column and the Shell Sub goes straight up. The torpedoes hit each other and explode. The Foot manage to get in front of him and one fires his torpedoes, scoring a direct hit on the underbelly of the Shell Sub. The sub flips over, water beginning to drip into the interior.'' :'''Donatello''': I don’t have enough firepower to fight all of them. Unless… ''[glances at a set of controls.]'' Hang on, Master Splinter. I’ve got an idea. :''[He presses a set of buttons and the Shell Sub rights itself. Torpedoes launch and fire directly into the river bottom, where they raise a dust cloud. Donatello manages to keep the sub upright and land it at the center of the dust cloud. River bottom dirt covers the sub as it settles on the bottom. The Foot converge on the spot where it went down. Inside, Donatello forces open the door and water floods into the cabin. He gives the diving gear to Splinter and then takes a deep breath before kicking a gear and then swimming out of the sub. Suddenly, the Shell Sub emerges and shoots straight upwards. Donatello and Splinter peek up out of the dirt to watch the Foot go after it and fire multiple torpedoes, all of which hit the sub. It explodes, and the remains sink to the river bottom.]'' :'''Underwater Foot Ninja''': Mistress Karai, Donatello and the rat have been destroyed. :'''Karai''': ''[on radio]'' Excellent. Most excellent. :''[The Foot leave. Donatello and Splinter pass the breathing mask back and forth as they swim for the surface.]'' <hr width80%> :''[Michelangelo punches through a wall with the Tunneler and enters the subway tunnels. He drives straight across tracks and drills through another wall to reach another sewer tunnel, with the Shrednaut in hot pursuit. he opens the door]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Hang on, Klunk! ''[jumps out of the Tunneler and dives for cover in the side tunnel. The Tunneler speeds away with the Shrednaut in pursuit. The Shrednaut fires several missiles and hits the Tunneler, which rolls over and crashes.]'' :'''Foot Technician''': Foot Mech Four to Base. Michelangelo is finished. :'''Karai''': ''[on radio]'' Excellent. :''[Michelangelo runs away from the area, carrying Klunk with him.]'' <hr width80%> :'''Karai''': ''[Cut to an overhead view of the city.]'' All that remains is Leonardo. ==Prodigal Son== * Leo becomes less trustful towards Karai since this episode. However, he still appears to have feelings for her as he spared her life. <hr width80%> :'''[[w:Karai (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Karai]]''': ''(Praying)'' Honorable father, though you are imprisoned among the stars, I bring you news that will set free your soul. I, your humble daughter, Karai, discovered the lair of your most hated enemies and led a full Foot attack force against them. Utterly defeated, all they could was flee. Donatello and the rat we left destroyed at the bottom of the river. Michelangelo tried to burrow his way into safety, but he could not dig deep enough to escape my wrath. And Raphael was blown to smithereens in the turtles' own Battle Shell. All that remains is Leonardo, father, and once I find him, then you will truly and forever be avenged! <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': Man! I really missed this old place. ''[sees the ruins of the Lair]'' Oh no, the lair!! ''[strips off his coat and draws a katana before entering.]'' No!! What happened here!? ''[picks up a broken Shell Cell, looks around, and continues on, finding that the lair has almost been completely destroyed. Poised on a ledge above, a Shrednaut’s lights come on. It captures Leonardo’s presence in its view screen and jumps down in front of him. The Foot Technician inside the Shrednaut opens fire, but Leonardo leaps to safety and pulls his second sword.]'' '''You dare come into my home and do this?!!''' ''[jumps at the control pod where the Technician sits and slices into it, causing the Shrednaut to tumble backwards and power down. Leonardo then slices open the harness which holds the Technician in his seat. Leonardo spots the emblem on the Technician’s shirt.]'' The Foot. ''[grabs the Technician by the shirt front and lifts him.]'' '''My family, where are they?!!''' :'''Foot Technician''': You’ll get nothing from me! :''[He presses a button and sparks begin to fly from the Shrednaut’s body. Leonardo leaps away and the Technician flees the machine. Leonardo races out of the lair as the Shrednaut overloads and explodes. The explosion sends Leonardo flying partway down the tunnel, but he is unhurt.]'' :'''Leonardo''': I need some answers. <hr width=50%/> :'''April O'Neil''': ''[from her warning note]'' Leo, I'm so sorry. I not sure what to say, the others are... Karai said she got them all. ''She'' left this. She says your next. Be careful. :'''Leonardo''': No! It can't be! Karai is ''lying!'' They’re alive, I know it! <hr width=50%/> :''[At the Foot Headquarters. A helicopter comes in for a landing and Karai steps out. A Foot ninja meets her and delivers a report.]'' :'''Foot Ninja''': Mistress Karai, we just received the report. The Shrednaut unit stationed in the turtles’ lair was destroyed. :'''Karai''': Leonardo. Deploy all available Foot ninja. Search the city. ''Destroy him!'' ''[The ninja bows and leaves.]'' This night my beloved father will truly be avenged! <hr width=50%/> :''[Leonardo enters an abandoned building through the broken skylight. Behind him, Donatello sees only a shadowed form and draws his bō. Hearing the sound, Leonardo draws a sword and spins around.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Donny? It’s me. :'''Donatello''': Ah, Leo. ''[limps towards his brother.]'' You’re back! :''[They shake hands in greeting.]'' :'''Leonardo''': You okay? :'''Splinter''': My son. :'''Leonardo''': Master Splinter. ''[His father comes out of the shadows, holding his side.]'' I knew it. I knew you were both alive. Don’t worry, Sensei, everything’s gonna be okay. I promise. :'''Donatello''': Oh man, it’s good to see you, bro’. :'''Leonardo''': We have to get both of you out of here before any more Foot show up. <hr width=50%/> :''[Cut to a long range view of {{w|Belvedere Castle}}. A manhole cover slides into place on a trail in {{w|Central Park}}. In the tunnels below, Leonardo leads the way, illuminating their path with his flashlight.]'' :'''Leonardo''': We need to find a safe place for you two to rest and recuperate. Some place far from the old lair. ''[He brushes the dirt off of a sign which reads “Reservoir Pump Station”. Following the arrow on the sign, the trio find a boarded up entrance. he removes the boards and then opens the metal door. He flashes the light around before descending a short set of stairs onto a metal catwalk. The space is huge, with catwalks leading in several directions.]'' This oughta do for now. :'''Donatello''': This must be one of the earlier pumping stations for the reservoir. I think I’ve seen it on some of the old city planning. ''[He looks around at the expansive space and whistles.]'' Very nice! :'''Splinter''': Leonardo, now that Donatello and I are safe… :'''Leonardo''': I’m already on it, Master Splinter. I’ll find them. ''[He races out of the station.]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Raphael''': I ''can't'' believe Karai did this to '''''us!''''' I can't believe ''she'' and the Foot tooked '''''our home!''''' :'''Leonardo''': Listen, Raph, nothing is permanent. We have to flow with change. :'''Master Splinter''': Perhaps Leonardo has learned a thing or two from the Ancient One. ''[He and Leonardo look at one another.]'' Yes, I can see it in your eyes. I have my son back. And I can see something else in your eyes. Please be careful, my son. She will be well guarded, and her skills are much improved. :'''Leonardo''': So are mine, sensei. I’ll be fine, I promise. Now, get some rest. I’m gonna go get some food and supplies. I’ll be back. :'''Raphael''': Hey, Leo, bring back some sodas or something. :'''Michelangelo''': And some pizza and Chinese food ''[Klunk meow]'' and some kibble. <hr width=50%/> :''[Karai is inside the Oroku Saki Memorial Library in full Shredder armor, sans the helmet. She approaches Oroku Saki’s statue, kneels and removes the covering from a katana. This she places in the stand which is at the feet of the statue. As soon as she sets the sword in place, the “Sewer Sweet Sewer” plaque whips through the air and impales the sword stand.]'' :'''Leonardo''': ''[coldly]'' Hello, Karai. Got your message. :'''Karai''': I am impressed. Security here is very tight, yet here you are, undetected. :''[Leonardo hops down and takes up a defensive posture.]'' :'''Leonardo''': So, you are the new Shredder? :''[Karai places the helmet on her head and turns.]'' :'''Karai''': Yes. ''[draws her sword]'' And I am your doom! :''[Leonardo pulls one of his swords as well.]'' :'''Leonardo:''' You have gone too far this time, Karai!! :'''Karai:''' Not far enough! Not until you lie broken and battered at my feet! Only then will my father truly be avenged! Make no mistake, Leonardo, son of Splinter, hated enemy of my father. Your path ends here! :''[leaps at him and he rushes to meet her attack. Their swords clash and they push against each other.]'' :'''Leonardo:''' I remember when we first met, Karai! We fought side by side and I said you were nothing like the Shredder! ''[He falls back, pulling her down and rolling until she is on her back and he is standing over her.]'' I thought you understood honor, but I was wrong! ''You're exactly like him!! You understand '''nothing!!''''' :''[She kicks him off, but he does a handspring and regains his feet. Leonardo catches her sword on his and quickly disarms her, sending her sword flying onto the arms of the statue. She takes a swing at him, but he ducks and pulls her second sword from her belt.]'' :'''Karai''': No, you will pay. You must pay! ''[She tries to slash him with her Tekkō-kagi, but he ducks. Karai squats and launches the weighted end of her Manriki-gusari at him. It wraps around the handle of her stolen sword and she flips backwards, her weight pulling the weapon from his hand. She throws the sword behind her and drops the hook end of the Manriki-gusari into her other hand. Spinning it, she charges and throws the weapon. Leonardo pulls his second katana, leaps, and slices through the chain.]'' No! I must have my revenge! ''[She runs but Leonardo pursues. As she turns, he flips through the air at her, slicing several times. Karai’s helmet falls into several pieces, shocking her.]'' :'''Leonardo:''' Your own anger defeats you, Karai. ''[stands with his back to her.]'' You remind me of a Turtle I used to know. :'''Karai:''' ''[takes a couple of steps back, and grabs the communication device from her belt.]'' Security to the library… ''[Before she can finish, Leonardo slashes across the device, destroying it. As it falls, Leonardo, who has gotten behind her, places his katana near her head. He taps on her shoulder with the sword and she drops to her knees.]'' Go ahead. Do it! Finish me! :'''Leonardo:''' No. ''[Still kneeling, Karai turns as he sheathes his swords.]'' I'm giving you one last chance to do the right thing, Karai. Don't waste it. ''[walks over to Saki’s statue.]'' And Karai, ''[leaps]'' ''stay away [grabs Saki’s sword] from my '''family!!''''' ''[slashes at the statue and tosses the sword so that it sticks into the floor in front of Karai. As he races away]'' :''[The statue’s head falls, having been sliced away from the body. It bounces and rolls across the floor, coming to a stop in front of Karai. Suddenly the room is flooded with Foot ninjas.]'' :'''Foot Ninja''': Mistress Karai! Is everything all right?! :''[Karai looks up to see two of the upper window panels flapping in the breeze.]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[Leonardo returns to the new lair carrying a duffel bag.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Did someone mention food? ''[takes two containers from the bag.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Chinese food for breakfast? ''[He and Donatello both catch a container.]'' Works for me. :''[Kneeling, Leonardo hands a container of food to Raphael and then stands to walk over to Splinter.]'' :'''Leonardo''': I’ve checked it out and this seems like a safe place, Master Splinter. We could stay here, maybe even fix it up a bit. :'''Splinter''': It is as the great sage, Shinto Sakamoto said, home is where you hang your hat. :''[Leonardo kneels before him and takes an ornate walking stick from his bag.]'' :'''Leonardo''': This walking stick is said to have come from a very ancient and mystic tree. ''[He presents the stick to Splinter, who takes it from him.]'' I got it with the Ancient One. I’ve carried it all this way for you. :'''Splinter''': Ah, a very gracious gift. ''[They bow to one another.]'' Thank you, Leonardo. Welcome home. ==Outbreak== :'''Agent Bishop''': ''(Narrating)'' For too long, our world, our history, has been influenced by extraterrestrial threats. I know this all too well. My purpose has always been clear: Defend against the threat. Rebuild humanity to resist invasion. It hasn't always been easy. There are tough choices that need to be made. Someone has to stop this alien plague. It was a vow I made long ago. And I intend to keep it. <hr width=50%/> :'''Michelangelo''': Ugh. Next time I’ll take lookout duty. :'''Raphael''': Great. More of Karai's Foot ninja. We should be out hunting them, not the other way around. :'''Leonardo''': We’ll handle Karai, Raph, but on our terms, not hers. We’ll handle whatever comes our way. <hr width=50%/> :'''Raphael''': You okay, bro’? ''[helps Donatello up.]'' :'''Donatello''': Thanks. :'''Michelangelo''': Don, Raph, watch out! :''[They turn to see several tentacles shooting towards them. Raphael shoves Donatello out of the way.]'' :'''Raphael''': Move! :''[Raphael avoids the tentacles, but one of the spikes strikes Donatello’s thigh.]'' :'''Donatello''': Oh! :''[Raphael pins the tentacle with his sai.]'' :'''Donatello''': My leg. :'''Raphael''': You okay? :'''Donatello''': Yeah, just a nick. Uh, thanks again. ==Trouble with Augie== * This marks the only appearance of Professor August O'Neil, an uncle of [[w:April O'Neil|April O'Neil]] and is the only appearance of Robyn O'Neil, a sister of April. <hr width=50%/> :'''April O'Neil''': ''(Narrating)'' The man in the hat is my uncle Augie. Uncle Augie didn't just teach me math and science, he taught me to love them. If it wasn't for him, I never would've have gotten my college degree in math. Uncle Augie was always coming and going, off on adventures, but we made the most of our time together. Then one day, uncle Augie just disappeared and he never came back. I'd give anything to see my uncle Augie again. I know he's alive and somehow, someway, I'm going to find him. <hr width=50%/> :'''Mikey''': Especially since Karai the new miss Shredder showed up at your shop. ==Insane in the Membrane== * This marks the only appearance of Baxter Stockman's mother in flashbacks. <hr width=50%/> :''[Montage of Stockman's accomplishments accompanied by his voice over]'' :'''[[w:Baxter Stockman|Baxter Stockman]]''': ''(Narrating)'' Once, long ago, I, Dr. Baxter Stockman, was a whole man. With a brilliant mind and an able body! In the scientific community, I was unequalled! Throughout the world, I was renowned, revered, worshipped! But it all went wrong, horribly, horribly wrong. My genius fell under the control of cruel-minded brutes. :''[Flashback of Shredder ordering Hun to drag Stockman away.]'' :'''Baxter Stockman''': No, '''NOOOOOOOOOO!''' :''[We see Hun, from Stockman's POV, thrusting a saw in his face, and the image shatters as it makes contact. A montage of Stockman's various injuries plays until we see him as just a brain in a jar]'' :'''Baxter Stockman''': ''(Narrating)'' They whittled me away, piece by piece, limb by limb, until I was reduced to nearly nothing. ''[Stockman, in his deteriorated form, approaches the camera menacingly]'' But those simpletons aren't to blame. I finally know who's responsible for my downfall, and now, with my new body, I will finally have my revenge! <hr width=50%/> :'''Baxter Stockman''': [Driven to madness and desperation] This experiment is a catastrophe. (As he slams his hands on the floor which it cracks) Uh! HOW could I have been so stupid? Why was I in such a rush? Why didn't I listen to agent Bishop? [Rips off his lab coat in rage] WHY?! Why am I a failure, my whole life?! Oh, mama. I made such promise. (Reminiscing) Where did it all go wrong?! Where? ''[The scene turns red and blue as all of Stockman's enemies appear in his mind, reminscing his time with them. First, we cut to Shredder and some Baxter's injuries.]'' A horrible degradation at the hands of the Shredder. ''[Cut to Hun, who looks grumpily at camera with Purple Dragons behind his back.]'' His horrific bug, Hun! ''[Cut to the turtles]'' And those despicable turtles! No! No! [Camera pans to April, who points at something and then...] Before then… It was her! I trusted her and ''she'' betrayed me! ''[Cut to the turtles (in shadows) and April. Raphael is seen kicking robot Stockman.]'' SHE brought in those turtles and ruined everything, my glorious mousers failed because of her and that failure is what brought the Shredder's wrath down upon me! Yes! She's responsible, ''she'' did this to me. (He picks up the whole table, throws at machinery and brakes) And ''she'' is the one who will pay!! <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> :'''Casey Jones''': He just busted in he knocked me out when I woke up they were gone, all I remember is him saying something about going back to where this all started. :'''Raphael''': Where it all started? :'''Leonardo''': Stocktronics, ''[To Stockman continues to carry April to his old lab building now abandoned, offscreen]'' the lab where he and April first worked together it has to be. <hr width=50%/> :'''Mrs. Stockman''': Baxter, ''[coughing]'' I'm sorry baby doll Mama's just worn out, I guess this old body just can't take it, I so wanted to see you grow up and be a fine man, I did ''[coughing]'' Remember the sky's the limit for you boy, I love you Baxter. ''[dies]'' :'''Young Baxter Stockman''': No, Mama! Don't leave me. Mama! Mama! <hr width=50%/> :'''Leo''': Let her go, Stockman! :'''Baxter Stockman''': April? You, you betrayed me! :'''Donnie''': Run, April! Get out of here! :'''Baxter Stockman''': No! She can't leave, I forbid it! :'''Mikey''': You asked for it, Dr. Stockman-Stein! <hr width=50%/> :'''Raph''': There they are! :'''Mikey''': On the cable car! <hr width=50%/> :'''Stockman''': Now we can finally set things right. :'''April''': Doctor Stockman, please don’t this, can you remember when your work helped people when it was about the science? You were a brilliant man the sky was the limit for you Doctor Stockman. :'''Stockman''': ''[starts hallucinating again.]'' Mama? ''[sees April as his mother.]'' :'''Baxter Stockman's mother''': The sky was the limit you were such a good boy, you had so much potential, what happened to you baby doll? ''[sees her as herself again]'' :'''April''': You were someone I admired, someone I respected and you can be again. :'''Baxter Stockman''': Mama what have I done? :''[The coupling of the cable car continues to break]'' :'''April''': Doctor. :''[Stockman hallucinates April as his mother again.]'' :'''Baxter Stockman's mother''': Baxter. :'''April''': Please. :''[The cable car shakes and she trips backwards.]'' :'''Baxter Stockman''': (gasps) Mama, Mama. :'''Casey''': April! :'''Baxter Stockman''': ''[still hallucinates April as his mother]'' Mama. You've got to get off of here, Mama it's not safe. ''[He comes to April and picks her, Casey climbs down the cable and grabs April.]'' Hurry Mama, ''[Casey places his around April and they both look at Stockman]'' hurry! I love you, Mama! I… ''[The coupling brakes from the cable and the cable car falls in to the river]'' I… Ahhh! :''[The slash is heard as April cries over Stockman's "death", the turtles pull the cable getting Casey and April to safety inside the copter.]'' :'''Mikey''': Man, you think that's the end of Stockman? :'''Leo''': We've seen him come back from worse. Only time will tell. :'''Raph''': Well, I say it good riddance! That psycho's giving us nothing, but grief, ever since we met him! :'''Donnie''': I dunno, at least he gave us this neat chopper... sort of. Now, let's just find a place to park it. ==Return of Savanti== ===Part 1 [4.20]=== :'''Donatello''': ''(Narrating)'' My name is Donatello and right now I can't help but think of an old saying: Be careful what you wish for. All my life, I've been fascinated with what they call "terrible lizards" and "thunder beasts". Dinosaurs. But now, amazingly, I got my wish. Here I am in the Cretaceous Period, 65 million years ago, finally seeing them with my own two eyes, while running for my life. So be careful what you wish for, or, just like the dinosaurs, you might find yourself facing sudden extinction. ===Part 2 [4.21]=== :'''Savanti Romero''': ''(Narrating)'' Eons ago, I was on the verge of ultimate power. With the omnipotent Time Scepter, I, Savanti Romero, was going to rule all of time. That is, until Lord Simultaneous thwarted my plan. He turned me into a monster and exiled me from null time to Earth's Middle Ages where he hoped never to hear from me again. But instead, I plotted: Summoning all my magic, I tried again to take the time scepter and use it against Lord Simultaneous. But thanks to the interference of those accursed ninja turtles and that foolish timestress Renet, my victory was denied and Simultaneous exiled me once more, even further in time to Earth's Cretaceous Period, but that did not stop me. Again, I gathered my magic and lured my prey back through time. Savanti Romero will not be denied his revenge. The timestress will pay for her meddling. The time scepter will finally be mine. As for the turtles, they have no idea of the changes that are about to befall them. ==Tale of Master Yoshi== * This marks the only appearance of [[w:Tang Shen|Tang Shen]], and Yukio Mashimi in flashbacks. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' Honor. Integrity. Bushido. These were the ideals that drove Master Splinter's beloved master: Hamato Yoshi. He had traveled far to reach this castle fortress only to find four Foot elite warriors barring his way. But four or four hundred, it mattered not for on this particular night, Yoshi was driven by a powerful force unfamiliar to him. Hatred. Hatred that burned so bright it threatened to destroy him. Hatred born out of the need for revenge. <hr width=50%/> :'''Donatello''': I know! Maybe Leo should tell us about the Ancient One. :'''Raphael''': Yeah, Leo. I want to know the other things you learned on how to kick butt. :'''Leonardo''': Well, I wouldn't know where to start, but there is one story I think you might want to hear... about Master Splinter's master, Hamato Yoshi. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': It's a story about a girl. :'''Raphael''': A girl? Does she kick butt? :'''Master Splinter''': Raphael. Please, continue, Leonardo. :'''Leo''': Okay. Our story begins long ago in the 1960s. Japan was just getting back on its feet. :'''Michelangelo''': After an attack by [[Godzilla]]? :'''Leo''': No. After its defeat in [[w:World War II|World War II]]. It was not uncommon to see young orphaned boys in the streets, begging for food and money. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' So the Ancient One took Yoshi and his friend into his home, and trained them in the ways of ninjitsu, and treated them as if they were his own sons. As they grew into young men, they became closer than brothers, best of friends who do everything together. They even fell in love at the same time, with the same girl - [[w:Tang Shen|Tang Shen]]. They were crazy about her. Tang Shen was also an orphan raised by the Ancient One. It was her loving care that made the Ancient One's house into a home and that often brought unexpected visitors to her kitchen. :'''Tang Shen''': Mashimi, no! :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' But Tang Shen saw a hungry innocent creature and, as always, her first thought was to care for it. She decided to keep the curious rat as a pet. Seeing that Tang Shen had grown fond of the hungry little visitor, Yoshi had built a home for the newest member of their family. Although, Tang Shen had captured both the boys' hearts, it was clear that her heart belonged to only one of them - Yoshi. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' But the Ancient One was dead set against it. :'''Ancient One''': Ha, no. The Guardians are no place for you. You must ''not'' do this. Yoshi, a different destiny awaits you. Neither of you are ready. You need much more training. :'''Yukio Mashimi''': Sensei, we are more than ready. :'''Ancient One''': In body perhaps, but it is your heart and mind that still need training, my son. :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': The Guardians are an honorable force for good, Sensei. I want to help them. :''[Tang Shen peers through the doorway into the dojo.]'' :'''Ancient One''': No. I forbid you to ''join'' the Guardians. ''[leaves]'' That is my ''final'' word. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' Though his friendship with Mashimi began to diminish, Yoshi's bond with Tang Shen grew stronger than ever, but the coils of jealousy were winding tighter and tighter in Mashimi's soul until... something snapped. :''[A crack of thunder is followed by rain. Tang Shen lifts her arms to welcome it.]'' :'''Yukio Mashimi''': Tang Shen! :'''Tang Shen''': Oh, Mashimi, you startled me. ''[?]'' What, what is wrong with you? :''[Inside his dojo the little rat munches on a crumb when the sound of Tang Shen’s scream cuts the air. The Ancient One is nearby and runs for the door.]'' :'''Ancient One''': Tang Shen? ''[runs outside, looking for her.]'' Tang Shen! ''[He then spots her prone form.]'' Oh no! Tang Shen! <hr width=50%/> :'''Shredder''': Secure all the exits. Let none escape. :''[Mashimi, now wearing the garb of the Foot, steps up next to Shredder.]'' :'''Mortu''': Mashini, ''you'' have betrayed ''us!''? :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': Mashimi, why? :'''Yukio Mashimi''': How dare ''you'' ask why! ''You'' betrayed ''me!'' We were like brothers, but you had everything and left me with nothing!! Now I take everything from you, including your life!! <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' Yoshi returned to tell Tang Shen all that had happened, only to find out the horrible truth. :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': Tang Shen!? No! '''NOOOO!!''' ''[echoes]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[at Shen's grave]'' :'''Ancient One''': This is all my fault. I knew Mashimi had a dark streak in his heart. :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': It is not your fault, Master. It is Mashimi's fault and he shall pay with his life!! :'''Ancient One''': Be careful, my son. Vengeance is like a splinter that will poison your mind and heart. <hr width=50%/> :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': Yukio Mashimi, I have come for you! Show yourself, ''traitor!'' :'''Shredder''': ''[sits on his throne.]'' Mashimi. :''[Mashimi steps out in front of the stairs leading up to Shredder’s throne.]'' :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': Mashimi, ''I'' challenge ''you'' to a ''duel'', assassin!! :'''Yukio Mashimi''': A duel!? Ha! You have unknowingly stepped into the lion's den, Yoshi! I do not need to fight you! We outnumber you!! :'''Shredder''': You are mistaken, Yukio Mashimi. You stand alone. Defeat Hamato Yoshi and I will forgive our humiliating retreat from the Utrom base. Only if you defeat Yoshi will I let you live. :'''Yukio Mashimi''': As you wish, Master. ''[walks over to where Yoshi waits and strikes a defensive posture.]'' So, Yoshi, our story comes full circle! It began with the two of us and it will end with just the two of us!! :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': This story will only end with one of us, Mashimi!! <hr width=50%/> :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': Well, little one. I will name you Splinter. And together, we will remind ourselves of Tang Shen. Of her beauty, her kindness, and love. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': Well, I think we all know the rest of the story. :'''Michelangleo''': Man! What a bummer story. :'''Master Splinter''': Perhaps, Michelangelo, but perhaps not. It not for these events, I would never have been brought to New York. :'''Donatello''': And the Utroms would never have had to relocate here either, meaning no ooze. :'''Raphael''': No us. <hr width=50%/> :''[Present Day Japan. The Ancient One approaches a home. Inside, a gate rises and he proceeds down a long flight of stairs. He enters a large chamber, lit by fire sconces mounted around the center of a circular area. He bows.]'' :'''Ancient One''': I have come to plead for the turtles. You must not carry out your designs. :''[From the darkness, a pair of blue eyes light up. It is one of the Ninja Tribunal.]'' :'''Juto-Shisho''': You are too late, Ancient One. :''[From another side, the bright eyes are green.]'' :'''Chikara-Shisho''': We have decided. :''[Yet a third set of eyes, silver in color, appears.]'' :'''Kon-Shisho''': We will judge the turtles’ fate. We will determine whether they will live... :'''Juto-Shisho''': Or how they will meet their end. :''[The Ancient One bows.]'' ==<span style=color:purple>'''The Mutated Era of Donatello'''</span>== ===Adventures in Turtle Sitting=== :'''Leonardo''' ''[narrating]'': Things are not good, and they're getting worse by the second. We could really use good old Donnie right about now. Ever since Bishop's mutant outbreak began, Don's been the one guiding us through this whole mess. Coming up with all the answers. :''[Michelangelo gets hit]'' :'''Raph''': Mikey! :'''Leo''': ''[narrating]'' There have been ''hundreds'' of times we'd've been turtle-waxed... if Don's brains hadn't bailed us out. :'''Leo''': ''[sees Raph getting grabbed a monster]'' Raph! :'''Leo''': ''[narrating]'' It's too bad Don's not here now, because this is definitely one of those times. <hr width=50%/> :'''April''': Now who could that be? [She opens the doors to find the Michelangelo, Leonardo and Raphael standing there.] Guys! Hey, this is...unexpected. Guys! Hey, this is...unexpected. :'''Leonardo''': Sorry, April, but we’re on our way to a possible mutant outbreak at the power plant and— :'''Donatello''': Achoo! ''[groans, leans against the doorframe, looking weak and with dark bags under his eyes.]'' :'''April''': Whoa. Don, you look greener than usual. A lot greener than usual. :'''Donnie''': I know, I-- ''[blows his nose.]'' I've picked up this little bug and I haven't been able to shake it. ''[blows nose]'' I was feeling alright, but I just can't handle mutants right now. :'''Mikey''': Did you figure that out before, or after you barfed in the Battle Shell? :'''Raph''': Mikey! ''[slaps Mikey in the head]'' :'''Mikey''': OW! :'''Raph''': ''Adults'' are talking. April, can you keep an eye on Donnie for us? :'''Donnie''': Achoo! ''[blows his nose.]'' :'''April''': Of course Don can stay here. I mean, we weren’t going anywhere anyway. :'''Casey''': Bro’, you are seriously cramping my style here. :'''Donnie''': Sorry. :'''April''': You guys have been on monster patrol for weeks. What’s the plan, clean up all the mutants in Manhattan? :'''Leo''': Well, no. This outbreak is way more than four turtles can handle. We’re just trying to keep it from spreading. :'''April''': Well, go get ‘em guys. We’ll watch Don. :'''Leo''': Donnie, take it easy bro’. ''[The other turtles depart.]'' :'''Donnie''': Good lu-uh-uh-achoo! Achoo! :'''Casey''': Uh! ''[slaps his forehead as Donatello groans.]'' Come on, sickly mutant ninja turtle, you better lie down before you fall down. ''[helps Donatello lie down on the couch and then covers him with a blanket.]'' There. Comfy? <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': Okay, Mikey, you take the left. Don, you cover me on— :'''Michelangelo''': Uh, Don’s home sick from school today, Leo. :'''Leonardo''': Right. Raph, you cover me on the right. And remember guys, just contain them, do not splatter them. :'''Raphael''': We know the drill. Can't have that cream filling spillin' out, infecting other creatures with their freako DNA. The last thing we need is more genetic rejects. I mean, we've already got Mikey. :''[It's loving brother time!]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[after Donatello mutates]'' :'''April O'Neil''': This is crazy! :'''Casey Jones''': What do we do?! :'''April''': It's Don right? Try talking to him! :'''Casey''': Talk to him, are you nuts!? He's a savage, freaky monster and '''YOU JUST WHACKED HIM IN THE FACE WITH A BROOM!!!''' :''[Casey being the voice of reason]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Stockman''': I-- I don’t understand. What’s happened? What have you done to me? :'''Agent Bishop''': I had your brain recovered from the bottom of New York’s East River after your misguided sabbatical. While I could do without your personality, I do need your brain. The outbreak is getting worse by the minute, and I expect you to use that powerful mind of yours to clean it up. :'''Stockman''': I-- I-- I can’t believe... oh. I can’t believe you brought me back this. Why? Why? [He gets off the table and stands on shaky legs before falling.] Why couldn’t you let me finally rest in peace? Why?! <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': What was that thing? :'''Raphael''': And where’s Don? :'''Michelangelo''': Did that monster get Don? :'''April''': Guys, that monster is Don. :'''Michelangelo''': Say what? :'''April''': That thing you just fought is Don. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leatherhead''': I regret to say... I cannot cure him. :'''Mikey''': What?! NO!! :'''Raphael''': '''MAN, I AM GONNA TAKE BISHOP AND RAM MY FOOT SO FAR...''' :'''Leonardo''': Easy, Raph! We'll find cure, but first we got to capture Don before he hurts himself or anyone else. :''[Raph almost says something inappropriate for kids]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Michelangelo''': Oh ugly, mutated-version-of-my-beloved-brother DONATELLOOOO, where are youuu~?! ''[He hears growling.]'' Donny?! :''[Mutant Donatello appears rounds a turn, sees Michelangelo, and charges.]'' :'''Mikey''': Like, ZOINKS!! :''[Michelangelo dodges a swing, leaps over Donatello’s head, and runs. Donatello chases him. Michelangelo catches onto a hole in the ceiling of the tunnel and one handed swings through into the tunnel above. He turns and looks back, but sees no Donatello. Arming his weapon, he walks back towards the hole. Suddenly Donatello bursts through and Michelangelo screams and runs.]'' :'''Mikey''': Oh, Humna, humna, humna, humna, humna, humna, humna, humna! WHOA! :''[mutant Donatello keeps swinging his fists to Michelangelo, who keeps dodging them by swinging back and forward]'' :'''Mikey''': Now I know how a piñata feels! ''[dodge another fist swing]'' AND I DON'T LIKE IT! Whoa, Don! Come on, quit it! ''[Raph and Leo arrive.]'' A little help here, guys? :'''Raphael''': Whoa, mama! Don’s been taking his vitamins. ''[Donatello punches Michelangelo and flings him down at the feet of his brothers.]'' I’m really sorry about this, Donny! :''[He jumps down in front of Donatello and swings at him with his capture claw weapon.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Remember, this is Don. Do not hurt him! :''[Raphael hops around as Donatello tries to slash him.]'' :'''Raphael''': That’s not gonna be a problem, Leo! :''Donatello straightens and roars. Leonardo kicks his carapace and when Donatello turns, Raphael kicks him. Donatello falls forward onto his hands and knees.'' :'''Leonardo''': Leatherhead, you’re on. :''[Leatherhead leaps out of hiding and runs towards Donatello, who has risen to his feet. Leatherhead plows into him, grabs and lifts him off his feet. Donatello tries to snap at him. Leatherhead shoves him into the containment unit and Michelangelo and Leonardo slam the door shut. Donatello pounds on the glass as his brothers and Leatherhead look on.]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Splinter''': ''[sadly]'' My son. :'''Leatherhead''': I can sympathize. I know what it’s like to be a monster. :'''Raphael''': ''[places his hand on Splinter’s shoulder.]'' Poor Donny. :'''Michelangelo''': What are we gonna do, Leo? :'''Leonardo''': Do? This is Donatello. This is our brother. ''[He flattens a palm on the glass.]'' We’re going to hunt down a cure for him, no matter what it takes. No matter what it takes. ===Good Genes=== ====Part 1 [2.24]==== :'''[[w:Leatherhead (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Leatherhead]]''': ''(Narrating)'' As we fly through the night, I can't help but ponder: intelligence, reason, even simple thought. Most people take these things for granted. I do not. For I know what it's like to be an advanced mind, trapped in the body of a brute... of a monster. But for once, I am not the monster in question. My friend Donatello is one of the gentlest souls I've ever met, with one of the finest minds I've ever known. But now, thanks to the evil agent Bishop, my friend has been transformed into a thoughtless savage. And I fear that the Donatello I know may truly be lost forever. <hr width=50%/> :'''Karai''': Mystics, your master has need of you! :''[Laughter echoes all around her.]'' :'''Water Mystic''': ''[voice-over]'' Our master is the Shredder. Not you, little girl! :''[The Earth Mystic materializes atop of podium.]'' :'''Earth Mystic''': You are nothing but a pretender! like the Utrom abomination before you! :''[The other Mystics appear atop their perches.]'' :'''Karai''': You forget your place, Mystics! You serve me now. I hold the same power over you as my father did! All your talk of ancient power. You live in the past. I am the future and you will obey me. Find the turtle Leonardo! ''He'' must pay for his crimes ''against'' my father! Do you hear me?! ''[turns and walks away.]'' ''Find him!'' ''[exits the room. As the door closes behind her, the Mystics speaks again.]'' :'''Earth Mystic''': Perhaps ''he'' will find you! <hr width=50%/> :'''Leo''': Once we have Bishop, We'll convince him to help Don. :'''Raph''': Leatherhead and I can handle that part of the plan, we can be very convincing. ''[punches hand]'' :'''Michelangelo''': It's Area 51, they probably have a UFO watching us from SPACE! <hr width=50%/> :'''Stockman''': Now open that hunk a' junk. ====Part 2 [2.25]==== :'''Leo''': ''(Narrating)'' A wise man once said: I've got a bad feeling about this. And right now, I know how he feels. Believe it or not, that's my brother Donatello. And right now, he's sick. Really sick. He was scratched by one of Bishop's outbreak mutants, and now he has become a savage, mindless monster. Had it been any of us, we would have looked at Don to save the day. But even with Leatherhead's help, we're no closer to finding a cure. With no other options, we tracked down the one man who might have a cure: the man responsible for the outbreak in the first place: Agent Bishop. Bishop agreed to cure Don, but for a price. Infiltrating Foot central? It's an impossible mission. But what can we do? Our brother is sick. And there's nothing we won't do to save him. Even if it means... making a deal with the devil. <hr width=50%/> :'''Agent Bishop''': Comm systems on, secure channel :'''The Entity''': Ah, Agent Bishop, we are transmitting coordinates to you even as we speak :'''Bishop''': And in return? :'''Entity''': We will let you know, will you be retrieving the artifact yourself? :'''Bishop''': Of cause not, i'll sending in special agents. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leatherhead''': Donatello's condition continues to deteriorate, there's not much time. :'''Master Splinter''': Doctor Stockman, Agent Bisharp told us you have administer the cure to Donatello. :'''Baxter Stockman''': To think I sunk so low that unparalleled genius would be used save the life of these freaks, unfathomable. :'''Leatherhead''': Where is the cure Stockman? :'''Stockman''': I am pulled sweet oblivion for what? this? :'''Leatherhead''': Show us the cure NOW! :'''Stockman''': CURE? you stupid animal, Agent Bishop lied there is no cure. :'''Splinter''': WHAT?! :''[Leatherhead growls and his eyes turn green on Stockman]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Leo''': April come in :'''April''': Go leo :'''Leo''': we've made it to the Foots garbage disposal facility, time for you & Casey to do your thing :'''April''': Casey's heading in to the power station now, stand by :'''Casey''': Hey if we gonna put a computer virus in here to shut down the power, how come you're not going in? :'''April''': Because I don't look like a janitor :'''Casey''': Gee thanks :'''Leo''': Keep us posted April, we're moving into position :'''April''': Roger that :'''Leo''': Well here the fun starts :'''April''': All the buildings garbage go through shoots that led to an incinerator :'''Michelangelo''': We're going in through the furnace, isn't that gonna be hot???? :'''Leo''': It's our only way and that's not all,once through the incinerators we go up a shoots. :'''April''': Which Karai has secured with a deadly grid of lazers :'''Leo''': When the power drops we go up the vent, we gotta beat the emergency-power kicking in :'''Mikey''': Ah, Leo why is the grid still on? :'''Leo''': Casey, April, cut that power or we're turtles flambe. :'''Casey''': I've put in the stupid virus but it ain't working! :'''Leo''': Casey we really need that power out NOW :'''Casey''': Alright, you stupid computers, we're doing this old school, ''[picks up a computer]'' GOONGALA!!! ''[throws computer]'', Woo hoo :'''Leo''': Grids' down <hr width=50%/> :'''Karai''': Find out what's going on . . . Leonardo is here, but why?, why would he come here? <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': Good work Casey we're in, April go the phase 3: get to the copter :'''April O'Neil''': On it :'''Leo''': remember we get what we need and get out, Ralph you know what you have to do, Mikey you're with me, let's go <hr width=50%/> :'''Metal Mystic''': Everything goes as planned my brothers. :'''Earth Mystic''': Soon we all be free! <hr width=50%/> :''[About the mystic Heart of Tengu]'' :'''Karai''': No!! Give that to me!! You do not know what you are doing!! <hr width=50%/> :'''Karai''': You cannot take that! :'''Leonardo''': Watch me!! <hr width=50%/> :'''Karai''': No! ''[runs towards them.]'' Leonardo, face me!! :''[Leonardo turns and draws a sword, but Michelangelo catches him by the arm.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Get in, Get out, right? It's not about Karai, right? :'''Leo''': ''[sheathes his katana.]'' Right. :''[They climb onto the rubble piled in front of the hole in the wall.]'' :'''Karai''': Stop them! Someone stop them!! :''[All three turtles jump. Karai and her Foot Elite reach the opening, but can only watch as the turtles climb up a ladder dangling from the helicopter.]'' :'''Karai''': No! No! ''[drops to her knees.]'' No-o! ''[echoes]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Don''': ''[Emerges from a cloud of mist, cured]'' Hey guys, what's up? ''[collapses into Leatherhead's arms]'' :'''Leatherhead''': I have you, my friend. :'''Michelangelo, Raphael and Leonardo''': All right! Donny! Welcome back! It’s so good to see you again! <hr width=50%/> :'''Master Splinter''': Welcome back, my son. :'''Don''': I hope you guys didn't go through too much trouble for me. (Did you?) :''[Everyone is silent]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Nah. ==Ninja Tribunal== * This is the Season 4 finale. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' You know, if there's one thing I've learned being a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, is to always expect the unexpected. But with all of our training, and all of our hard work, I'd like to think that we're ready for anything. But sometimes, the unexpected is just a little too... unexpected. <hr width=50%/> :'''Raphael''': Yeah, no offense Donnie, but you weren't too much fun when you were... sick. :'''Michelangelo''': Fun?! He was a monster. An absolutely, horrible, drooling big nasty-fanged monster! You tried to eat my leg! <hr width=50%/> :'''Michelangelo''': Are we sure that Donnie's all better? See the full moon, Donnie? Do you feel the monster inside? The monster taking control?! 'MWAHAHAHA!!!! :'''Donatello''': Oh no. I'm- I'm changing! '''RAAAAGGGHH!''' :'''Mikey''': AAAAHHH! HELP ME! HELP ME! HE'S TRYING TO EAT MY LEG AGAIN! AAAAAHHHHH! <hr width=50%/> :''[After the enemy ninjas demonstrated their weapon sticks to the Turtles.]'' :'''Raphael''': Now maybe it's just me, but I think these guys plan to stick it to us. <hr width=50%/> :'''Juto-Shisho''': Bow when you enter this sanctuary. :'''Chikara-Shisho''': We require warriors to combatant, and as pathetic as you are, you eight are our best hope. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': You expect us to fight each other? :'''Raphael''': Forget it, bucketheads. :'''Kon-Shisho''': You WILL fight, or you will be destroyed. <hr width=50%/> :''[Back to New York City, the rooftop from which the turtles were kidnapped. Splinter and the Ancient One are searching the rooftop. The Ancient One finds the slashed mask left by the wooden warrior that Leonardo had fought.]'' :'''Ancient One''': The Mokusai no Bushi were here. ''[He studies gashes in the rooftop and then points to another area.]'' And here, signs of a struggle. :'''Splinter''': The Ninja Tribunal has taken my sons! Ancient One, you must take me to the tribunal. :'''Ancient One''': You know that what you ask is simply not permitted. :'''Splinter''': Permitted or not, I will protect my sons! == Characters == === Main === * [[w:Leonardo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Leonardo]] (or Leo) - voiced by [[w:Michael Sinterniklaas|Michael Sinterniklaas]] * [[w:Donatello (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Donatello]] (or Donnie) - voiced by [[w:Sam Riegel|Sam Riegel]] * [[w:Raphael (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Raphael]] (or Raph) - voiced by [[w:Greg Abbey|Frank Frankson]] * [[w:Michelangelo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Michelangelo]] (or Mikey) - voiced by [[w:Wayne Grayson|Wayne Grayson]] === Recurring === * [[w:Splinter (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Splinter]] - voiced by [[Darren Dunstan]] * [[w:April O'Neil|April O'Neil]] - voiced by [[w:Veronica Taylor|Veronica Taylor]] * [[w:Casey Jones (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Arnold Casey Jones Jr.]] - voiced by [[w:Marc Thompson (voice actor)|Marc Thompson]] === Antagonists === * [[w:Karai (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles|Karai]] – voiced by Karen Neill * Agent John Bishop – voiced by [[w:David Zen Mansley|David Zen Mansley]] * [[w:Baxter Stockman|Baxter Stockman]] – voiced by Scott Williams * Savanti Romero – voiced by [[w:David Zen Mansley|David Zen Mansley]] * [[w:Hun (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Hun]] – voiced by [[w:Greg Carey (voice actor)|Greg Carey]] * Rat King – voiced by [[w:David Zen Mansley|David Zen Mansley]] === Supporting === * [[w:Leatherhead (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Leatherhead]] - voiced by [[w:Greg Carey (voice actor)|Gary K. Lewis]] * The Ancient One - voiced by David Chen * [[w:Miyamoto Usagi|Miyamoto Usagi]] - voiced by [[w:Jason Griffith|Jason Griffith]] * [[w:Murakami Gennosuke|Murakami Gennosuke]] – voiced by [[Eric Stuart]] * Jhanna - voiced by [[w:Lisa Ortiz|Lisa Ortiz]] * Raptarr - voiced by Marc Diraison * Renet - voiced by Liza Jacqueline * Professor August O'Neil - voiced by [[w:Marc Thompson (voice actor)|Marc Thompson]] * Robyn O'Neil * * * * * Mortu - voiced by [[w:Dan Green (voice actor)|Dan Green]] * The Ultimate Daimyo - voiced by [[w:Marc Thompson (voice actor)|Marc Thompson]] * Gyoji - voiced by [[w:Oliver Wyman (actor)|Oliver Wyman]] * Nobody - voiced by [[w:Sean Schemmel|Sean Schemmel]] === Minor === * [[w:Hamato Yoshi|Hamato Yoshi]] – voiced by [[Eric Stuart]] * [[w:Shredder (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Ch'rell/Oroku Saki/Shredder]] - voiced by [[w:Scott Rayow|Scottie Ray]] * Angel - voiced by [[w:Tara Sands|Tara Jayne]] * Arnold Casey Jones Sr. * Baxter Stockman's mother * [[w:Tang Shen|Tang Shen]] * Yukio Mashimi * * * * * ==External links== {{wikipedia|Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003 TV series, season 4)}} {{Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles}} [[Category:Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003 TV series) seasons|4]] [[Category:Children's television seasons]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about turtles]] [[Category:American animated television seasons]] slk5v1y317jqxagxw1b33abqsl0ovgq 3778960 3778959 2025-07-15T01:07:36Z 2001:8003:DD49:F700:AC19:6EE6:7567:F756 /* Scion of the Shredder */ 3778960 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''Seasons''': [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 1)|1]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 2)|2]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 3)|3]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 4)|4]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 5): Ninja Tribunal|5: Ninja Tribunal]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Fast Forward|6: Fast Forward]] / [[TMNT: Back to the Sewer|7: Back to the Sewer]] | '''Film''': [[Turtles Forever]] | [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003 TV series)|Main]] ---------------- The following is a list of quotes from the fourth season of the 2003 series '''''[[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003 TV series)|Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles]]'''''. ==Cousin Sid== * This is the Season 4 premiere. This marks the debut appearance of Casey Jones's cousin Sid. <hr width=50%/> :'''[[w:Splinter (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Master Splinter]]''': ''(Narrating)'' Life moves as the wheel of destiny turns, day to night, night to day. [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 3)|Our fight with the Shredder nearly cost us our lives.]] We are broken, battered, but alive. Our bodies will heal but I wonder: Do my sons carry other wounds not so easily overcome? I know with a great heaviness that there will always be some new threat to challenge us. I only pray my sons will be prepared to face it... <hr width=50%/> :''[The episode opens with a view of the Jones’ family farmhouse at night. Cut to the interior. The front door opens, and April enters with Master Splinter. He is injured and she is supporting him.]'' :'''April O'Neil''': Just a little bit further, Master Splinter. :''[Donatello and Michelangelo enter next. Donatello’s arm is in a sling and Michelangelo is on crutches with casts on his legs.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Finally. Now, someone give me a fork or something. You have no idea how bad my legs itch. :'''Donatello''': Yeah, we do, Mikey. We heard about it the whole trip. :''[Last to enter are Casey Jones, Raphael, and Leonardo. Casey and Leonardo are supporting Raphael. The two turtles have bandages wrapped around their bodies. April helps Splinter onto a chair.]'' :'''Splinter''': Thank you, April. I am not as young as I once was. Wound's take longer to heal. :'''Michelangelo''': I'm still as young as I once was, and I don't feel like I'm ever going to heal! :''[Casey and Leonardo helps Raphael to lie down on the couch.]'' :'''Raphael''': Too bad you didn't break your jaw. Maybe we’d finally get a little peace and quiet around here. ''[bones cracking]'' Ow. :'''Michelangelo''': ''[sits in a chair next to Splinter’s and props his legs up.]'' Ahh! That's... better? ''[sniffs]'' Ew! What's that smell?! It smells like burnt – ''[He glances over at his father.]'' Oh, right. Sorry, Sensei. :'''April''':All right. Who's hungry? :'''Donatello''': Me! :'''Michelangelo''': I am! :'''Donatello''': I am! :'''Casey Jones''': Over here! :''[Leonardo is standing at the window, staring into the yard.]'' :'''April''': Leo? :'''Splinter''': Leonardo? :'''Leonardo''': I'm fine. <hr width=50%/> :'''April''': ''[grabs the fork from Michelangelo]'' No scratching. <hr width=50%/> : '''Raphael''': Hey, I like it when Leo acts tough. We should get Karai to stab him more often. :''(Leo angrily glares)'' :'''Mikey''': Easy Leo. Leave Raph to me. Raph needs a hiding place. Don't you, Raphie boy? And I got just the spot. :'''Raph''': Hiding spot? ''[Leonardo and Donatello carry him to a closet.]'' Don't even... No way am I missing this action. ==The People's Choice== :'''[[w:Michelangelo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Michelangelo]]''': ''(Narrating)'' Who would have guessed that getting back to nature with my bro's would turn into a sci-fi marathon? There's nothing cooler than slimy, slippery space-creatures, giant alien blobs, cosmic rock creatures with a bad attitude, or intergalactic catfight! And here I thought our camping trip was going to be boring. Silly me! <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> ==Sons of the Silent Age== :'''[[w:April O'Neil|April O'Neil]]''': ''(Narrating)'' I love nature. Its beauty, its balance and perfection. Nature reminds me of what I learned in school about the scientist Charles Darwin. Darwin believed in the survival of the fittest. He explained how life on Earth could be defined simply as the struggle for existence. But, it seems to me that the struggle for existence is never very simple. <hr width=50%/> :'''April''': Are you okay, Leo? I know something’s been bothering you. :'''Leonardo''': Yeah, I... I don’t know. Well, I guess I do. It’s... I just can’t stop thinking about the last time we faced off against the Shredder. ''[clenches his fist.]'' That the only way that we could’ve defeated him was by blowing ourselves up. I couldn’t protect my brothers, my master. ''[punches a fist into the palm of his other hand.]'' I feel like such a complete failure, and no matter how I try to rationalize it, justify it, it always comes down to the fact that I wasn’t good enough. <hr width=50%/> :'''Raphael''': Then the first thing we have ta' do is sneak in there. :'''Michelangelo''': Right, and like the Three Musketeers used to say, "One for all and all for ninja mode." Course, I'm paraphrasing. ''[smack]'' Owww! :'''Raph''': What is wrong with you? :'''Mikey''': What? ==Dragon's Brew== * This is the only episodes in the series to not feature Raph (despite being mentioned), Mikey, and Donnie. <hr width=50%/> :'''Hun''': ''(Narrating)'' This is the dawning of a new age. I have seen the past and I have touched the future. I have learned from my late great master that preparation is everything and I am prepared. Our destiny will soon be at hand. Nothing can stop us now. Nothing. <hr width=50%/> :'''Casey''': Ha~ah! :'''Hun''': Jones! Uh! :'''Casey''': ''[elbows him in the gut and then sweeps his feet from under him with a hockey stick.]'' You and me, we got unfinished business! :'''Hun''': Bring it on. ''[Leonardo hops onto a box behind him.]'' Thought you turtles were destroyed. :'''Leonardo''': There’s a lot of that going around. :'''Casey''': He’s mine, Leo! :'''Leonardo''': I’ll just soften him up a little for you. <hr width=50%/> :'''Boy''': Mommy, I was dreaming about Daddy. It was horrible! :'''Mother''': It’s okay, Sweetie. Daddy is in a better place, remember? ==I, Monster== * This marks the debut appearance of Rat King. <hr width=50%/> :'''Rat King''': ''(Narrating)'' I awoke in the mud and the slime of a filthy river. I don't know where I am or even who I am. I'm haunted by glimpses... momentary fragments of a life I think I had. But what life do I have now? What am I, but a monster? And now all will fear me... because everything fears the monster. <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> ==Grudge Match== :'''[[w:Raphael (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Raphael]]''': ''(Narrating)'' It may look like just another day in the Battle Nexus, with the crowds and the cheering, but trust me, this day was gonna be special. I was looking forward to somebody finally shutting Mikey up about being Battle Nexus Champion. But it was starting to look like they were gonna shut Mikey up permanently. <hr width=50%/> :'''Master Splinter''': Yes. Pizza sounds very appetizing right now, with pepperoni and ''karma''. ==A Wing and a Prayer== * This marks the debut appearance of Raptarr. <hr width=50%/> :'''Raptarr''': ''(Narrating)'' Long have I watched over the world of man, and have I've been sickened by the ruthless acts of a soulless few. But through it all, I have learned more of who I am. Some call me "Hunter". Some call me "Protector". Whatever I am called, I have vowed to be this world's guardian angel. <hr width=50%/> ==Bad Day== :'''[[w:Donatello (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Donatello]]''': ''(Narrating)'' OK, pop quiz: If a dozen of Agent Bishop's deadly commandos are chasing you at ninety miles an hour from points A, B, and C, what are the odds you're gonna survive the next five minutes? <hr width=50%/> :'''Master Splinter''': Perhaps, but I am not speaking to you. I wait for my true foes to reveal themselves. You cannot touch me! :'''Foot Mystic''': This one is more powerful than we imagined. <hr width=50%/> :'''Karai''': Fools! Another failure!? :'''Fire Mystic''': Our encounter has given information that will be useful to us. But we did not expect our forces to be breached. :'''Karai''': And you recklessly revealed your presence to the rodent! :'''Water Mystic''': We assure you, we have gained enough knowledge for our next assault. :'''Karai''': Then make it so! Otherwise, when I attack, I assure you it will be no illusion!! ==Aliens Among Us== :'''Agent Bishop''': ''(Narrating)'' For more years than I can remember I have stood watch. Preparing for a day I've long known was inevitable. The alien threat is real. And the world has suffered at the hand of these invaders. The world must be prepared it must always be vigilant. And I will make sure it is, no matter what the cost. ==Dragons Rising== * This marks the only appearance of Arnold Casey Jones Sr., the late father of [[w:Casey Jones (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Casey Jones]] in flashbacks <hr width=50%/> :'''[[w:Casey Jones (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Casey Jones]]''': ''(Narrating)'' You know, it's taken me quite a while, but I've really come a long way. I finally got my temper under control. However, there are still a few certain things that can really make my blood boil. Hun is one of them certain things. ''[Flashback to younger Hun and Casey]'' Me and him, we go way back. See, when I was a kid, a gang of street punks was shaking my old man down for protection money. It was Hun and the Purple Dragons. When my old man wouldn't pay him, they torched our store. :'''Hun''': ''[grabs young Casey]'' You tell your old man punk, Next time pay up or else. ''[drops young Casey and walks off with the Purple dragons gang as young Casey watches sadly flashbacks end]'' :'''Casey Jones''': ''(Narrating)'' Yeah, me and him, we still got a score to settle. No matter how I try to plan out this problem, the two of us are headed for a bad, bad, showdown. :''[Casey and Hun grapple with each other atop a truck moving at high speed.]'' :'''Casey Jones''': ''(Narrating)'' Who knows? Maybe I haven't come as far as I thought. <hr width=50%/> :'''Mrs. Jones''': Arnold, please. Is too dangerous. :'''Young Casey''': Please, Pops, don’t go. :'''Arnold Jones Sr.''': ''[squats down and places a hand on his son's shoulder.]'' I gotta, kiddo. I put everything we had into that store. I can’t just let them get away with this. I’m going to the police. :'''Young Casey''': But they said no cops. They said if you— :'''Arnold Jones Sr.''': Casey, sometimes you just gotta stand up for what’s right, even if the odds are against you. Even if you’re all alone. You gotta just stand up and do the right thing. <hr width=50%/> :''[Casey, Raphael, Michelangelo and Donatello are inside the Battle Shell and Leonardo stands behind the vehicle outside and crossed his arms]'' :'''Raphael''': Come on, Leo, get in. :'''Michelangelo''': Let’s go home, bro. ''[Leonardo doesn’t move]'' :'''Raph''': '''Now what!?''' ''[groans]'' :'''Leonardo''': ''[angrily]'' We ''didn't'' finish the job. We blew it. Again! '''We blew it!''' :'''Donatello''': We ''did'' the best we could. At least we stopped half the convoy. :'''Leo''': ''[angrily]'' '''Half'''. We stopped '''half'''. And only because we got lucky. ''[and looks at his brothers and Casey]'' Is that good enough for you? Is it!? We're always one step behind. We ''act'' like a bunch of '''amateurs'''! How many more times are we gonna get beaten before you guys '''wise up and realize''' <big><big>'''this isn't a game!?'''</big></big> ''[turns around and storms off alone]'' :'''Raph''': ''[stands up and flips the switch to close the back doors]'' I hate to admit it, but ''he'' ain't wrong. : ''[Donatello starts the Battle Shell and drives away, Casey walks up next to him]'' :'''Casey''': Hey, Donny, drive by the cemetery, will ya’? I got an important stop I need to make. <hr width=50%/> :''[Morning came as Donatello, Raphael and Michelangelo wait outside at the Battle Shell as Casey enters the cemetery, he walks up to his father’s grave]'' :'''Casey''': Hey, Pops, I brought ya’ something. ''[kneels and places the torn piece of jacket from Hun on the grave, the tombstone has a marker reads “Arnold Casey Jones Sr. Beloved Husband, Father and Friend.”]'' You spoke true, Pop. No matter what, you gotta stand up and do the right thing. But I guess I’m lucky. Even when the odds are against me, I ain’t alone. ''[stands up]'' I got friends. Good friends. :''[The three turtles stand together and watching him as the morning sun rises]'' ==Still Nobody== :'''Nobody''': ''(Narrating)'' Watching over the city, I have learned the sad truth that violence begins violence. They say nobody can break the cycle. That nobody cares. Nobody can do anything about it. Nobody tries to change things and they're right. Because I'm still Nobody and I do care. I will try to change things. I will make a difference. <hr width=50%/> :''[Elsewhere, the turtles are atop a skyscraper which is under construction.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Two-hundred and eight. ''[They are doing pull-ups on the support beams.]'' Two-hundred and nine. Two-ten. Two-eleven. :''[Someone’s shell cell starts to ring. Raphael and Donatello check theirs.]'' :'''Raphael''': Not mine. :'''Donatello''': Not mine. :'''Leonardo''': Don't stop. Mikey, you left your shell cell on. :'''Michelangelo''': I'm sorry mister 'I'm going to pump you up' Leonardo, but I didn’t know we'd be doing a pull-up marathon. ''[Donatello pops him on the back of the head.]'' Ow! :'''Raphael''': Whoa, Don. Don't smack Mikey. ''[He pops Michelangelo.]'' That's my job. :'''Michelangelo''': Hey! Do I look like a piñata? :'''Donatello''': ''[to Michelangelo]'' Just answer your phone. :'''Michelangelo''': Talk to the turtle. ''[They all continue the pull-ups.]'' Hey, long time no hear. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. No problem. We'll be there. :'''Raphael''': ''[to Michelangelo]'' Who was it? :'''Michelangelo''': Nobody. <hr width=50%/> :'''Fang''': Yes, Master Hun? :'''Hun''': Scratch Jencko and his Turks off of our list of possible recruits, and see if you can retrieve any of the hardware we sold that punk. ''[The limo arrives in front of the “Oroku Saki Memorial Library”.]'' Seems a shame to waste it. :''[Hun steps out of the limo.]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[Inside, people are milling about, talking to one another. Karai steps up to the podium in front of a large, draped object. Reporters begin taking pictures as the crowd quiets down.]'' :'''Karai''': Thank you all for coming to this dedication of the new Oroku Saki Memorial Library. One final gift from my late father to the city that he loved. ''[The drape is pulled off of a huge statue of Oroku Saki. Everyone applauds.]'' It is a great honor to dedicate my life to carrying on my father’s humanitarian efforts, even though he is gone, taken from us too soon. <hr width=50%/> :'''Hun''': ''(sarcastic)'' Lovely party, Karai. :'''Karai''': Hun. I did not expect to see you at this dedication. :'''Hun''': ''[stands up]'' Explain something to me, Karai! You do all this in the name of the Shredder. ''He'' was a alien slug! How could you have known that and still serve him?! :'''Karai''': The Shredder gave me a life. He was my father, and I vow in his name, and I will hunt down those who destroyed him and make them pay with their lives! ==All Hallows Thieves== :'''Raphael''': ''(Narrating)'' Halloween in New York City. One of my favorite times of the year. A day where no matter how odd, how freaky, or scary you might be, you fit in with everyone else. A day when girls and boys all over the city dress as their favorite monsters and heroes and get free candy. A day when even a teenage mutant ninja turtle can walk around in the open. Of course, some Halloweens are filled with more tricks than treats. Maybe this year, we should've stayed home and rented scary movies. ==Samurai Tourist== :'''Miyamoto Usagi''': ''(Narrating)'' The paths we walk in life are different for each of us. Some walk the land without a care in the world while some choose to take on burdens that would crush the spirits of most. The land cares little of which path you choose. But its inhabitants are another matter entirely. Clearly, this is not our land. Gennosuke and I came to visit old friends, but I fear now that our presence has done more harm than good. <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> :'''Splinter''': Thank you, Miyamoto Usagi. When I asked you to come, I hoped you could reach him, but I fear my son is now traveling down a difficult path. A path it seems he must travel alone. :'''Usagi''': I wish you good luck, Master Splinter. Farewell, my friends. ''[pushes Kojima into the portal.]'' :'''Gennosuke''': So long boys! ''[chuckling]'' :''[Gennosuke follows Usagi into the portal. Suddenly...]'' :'''Michelangelo''': ''[scream, appears on the upper landing.]'' Stop him! Don’t let him go! :'''Donatello''': Mikey? ''[The portal vanishes.]'' :'''Raphael''': What now, shell for brains? :'''Michelangelo''': My Silver Sentry comics. Gen, he-- he took ‘em. All of ‘em. '''No!''' ==The Ancient One== * This marks the debut appearance of the Ancient One. <hr width=50%/> :'''[[w:Leonardo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Leonardo]]''': ''(Narrating)'' I've traveled thousands of miles looking for an answer, only to wind up here, halfway across the world in the middle of nowhere, battling it out with four nasty creatures, more ghosts than man, but who's steel is all too real. Meanwhile, my traveling companion, some gross slob who attached himself to me like a bloated tick, doesn't do a thing to help out. He just sits there, grinning like a fool, leaving me to fight for both our lives. I've journeyed all across the world in search for answers, and instead, all I'm gonna get is my head chopped off. <hr width=50%/> :''[The episode begins inside the turtles’ lair, as Leonardo and Splinter spar.]'' :'''Leonardo''': I already told you, I’m fine. :'''Master Splinter''': You are sure?! :''[Michelangelo lowers his comic book and grimaces.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Nothing’s the matter, Sensei. Why do you keep asking me that?! :'''Master Splinter''': So much anger. The unopened bottle will burst when its internal pressure becomes too much to bear. ''[Donatello spots Raphael at the weight bench.]'' For months now you have been brooding, surly, and stubborn. :''[Donatello appears worried.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Yeah, right. :''[Donatello and Raphael glance at one another. Shift to Splinter and Leonardo, who are sparring with swords.]'' :'''Master Splinter''': You have not been yourself. You must release what festers within you. Your family will help you, Leonardo. It is important that we be open with one another. :''[Leonardo attacks and manages to disarm Splinter. He then angrily confronts his father.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Open?! Okay, this Katana lesson stinks! I've mastered this years ago! '''YEARS AGO'''!! :'''Master Splinter''': ''[stares at him and then retrieves the sword.]'' It is not the students choice to say when a lesson is learned. ''[He attacks.]'' The student’s place is to listen and learn. :''[The sparring grows fierce and the other turtles gather to watch.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Something tells me the cork’s about to pop on that unopened bottle. :'''Raphael''': That hothead. ''[Donatello and Michelangelo look at him]'' I hate it when Leo reminds me of me. :'''Leonardo''': I've already mastered this lesson! ''[shoves Splinter.]'' And yesterday's lesson! And the lesson before that! '''WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO TEACH ME''' ''[disarms Splinter.]'' '''SOMETHING I DON'T ALREADY KNOW?!!!''' ''[slashes at Splinter and slices his head. The other turtles run to their father as he drops to one knee and grabs his head.]'' :'''Donatello''': Master Splinter! :'''Michelangelo''': Are you okay? ''[Leonardo drops his sword.]'' :'''Raphael''': Leo! What the shell is your problem!? :'''Leonardo''': ''[shoves past Raphael]'' Master! ''[and Donatello]'' Master, I’m so sorry. I-I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just… I just lost control. ''[He hangs his head.]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[Later, Master Splinter kneels in his room, which is candle lit. There is a bandage on his head. Leonardo stands in the doorway.]'' :'''Splinter''': Sit down, my son. :''[Leonardo enters, slides the door shut, and kneels before his father.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Master, I-I don’t know what to say. :'''Splinter''': Say nothing, listen. We were all badly wounded in our final confrontation with the Shredder. Your brothers and I have healed, but you have not. I have meditated long and hard on this matter, and now realize that you are correct. :'''Leonardo''': Huh? :'''Splinter''': It is time for you to move on. It is time for you to study with a new sensei. :'''Leonardo''': But-but, Master, I don’t want a new sensei. I’m happy here with you. ''[Donatello, Michelangelo and Raphael are listening at the door.]'' I know there’s so much more that you can teach me. :'''Splinter''': No, my son. It is as it must be. ''[Both stand and Splinter goes to the shelves on his back wall.]'' Now, there is but one master in all the world that I would entrust my son’s well-being to. He is wise, honorable, and highly skilled. He is called the Ancient One, ''[He looks at a picture of Hamato Yoshi.]'' and he was the sensei to my sensei, Hamato Yoshi. You must make a pilgrimage, a pilgrimage halfway across the world. :'''Leonardo''': But, Sensei… :'''Splinter''': Come, let us prepare you for your journey. <hr width=50%/> :''[He pushes Leonardo back and swings at him. As Leonardo fights, he has a flashback to Donatello, aboard Shredder’s starship during [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 3)|Exodus part 2]], as the engine starts to overload.]'' :'''Donatello''': Help me! I’m hurt! ''[echoes]'' :'''Michelangelo''': We’re not gonna make it! Leo, help me! ''[echoes]'' :'''Raphael''': Leo, the Shredder’s coming for us! You gotta do something! ''[echoes]'' :'''Splinter''': Save us, Leonardo! We are all counting on you, my son. ''[echoes]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Ancient One''': If there was nothing more you could have done, why do you punish yourself so? :'''Leonardo''': I finally understand. ''[He turns and walks back to the short man and then drops to one knee.]'' Ancient One. I am honored. :'''Ancient One''': Took you long enough, Leonardo. <hr width=50%/> :'''Ancient One''': Now, Leonardo, tell an old man just what it is you think you have learned. ''[hands a bowl to Leonardo.]'' :'''Leonardo''': I guess I’ve been… I’ve been obsessed with failing. I hardened my heart like a rock; wrapped up inside my own shell. Trying to be perfect; thinking I wasn’t good enough, that I needed to be better. So angry… so…. ''[The Ancient One raps him on the head with a bamboo stick.]'' Ow! What? :'''Ancient One''': Too many words. Explain simply. :'''Leonardo''': I’ve been my own worst enemy. :'''Ancient One''': Much better. Now, relax and enjoy your tea, and let me tell you a tale of Master Yoshi. Yoshi found himself at a crossroads, not dissimilar to your own. ==Scion of the Shredder== * [[w:Karai (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Karai]] assumes the legacy of her adopted Utrom father and becomes the new Shredder and the Ninja Turtles' sworn enemy, especially toward Leo. <hr width=50%/> :'''Donatello''': ''(Narrating)'' I've been worried a lot lately. For starters, I'm worried about the Foot. They're back... and they're tougher than ever. And... I'm worried about my brother, Leonardo. He's on a quest to parts unknown, and I'm worried he's not gonna find what he's been looking for. But mostly... I'm worried that Leo won't find us alive when he gets back. Master Splinter tells me that I worry too much. Okay, you tell me. Should I be worried? <hr width=50%/> :''[The episode opens inside the turtles’ lair. Raphael is working out on his punching bag. Donatello is strapped into a harness, suspended over the Shell Sub where he is doing some welding. Michelangelo is seated on the couch with Klunk next to him. He is stacking playing cards while Master Splinter looks on.]'' :'''Splinter''': That is an impressive edifice, Michelangelo. Dare I ask how many hours you have spent building it? :'''Michelangelo''': Good question, Sensei. Hey, Raph, what time is it? :'''Raphael''': Like I wear a watch? How should I know? Hey, Donny, what time is it? :'''Donatello''': Beats me. Ask Leo. ''[He cuts off the welding torch and his brothers stop what they are doing. Splinter lowers his head with a sigh.]'' Sorry. Leo’s been gone more than two months and I still forget he’s not here. :'''Raphael''': Master Splinter, when’s that bum coming back anyway? :''[Donatello and Raphael walk over to join the others.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': And is Leo coming back normal, or like, more normal? ‘Cause before he left he was acting kinda, you know... ''[He twirls a finger next to his temple and Raphael slaps the back of his head.]'' Ow! Hey! :'''Splinter''': I do not know, my sons. Leonardo is on a pilgrimage to find the Ancient One, and to find answers. Such things are beyond time. :'''Donatello''': Well, I miss having him around. :'''Splinter''': As do we all. We must have faith that he will return when he is ready. <hr width=50%/> :'''Ancient One''': Leonardo, your family is in grave danger. :'''Leonardo''': What?! ''[jumps up and leaps over to join the Ancient One, who nods at him.]'' I understand, Sensei. <hr width=50%/> :'''Michelangelo''': Um, what is that? :''[The turtles pull their weapons. Klunk curls around Michelangelo’s ankle.]'' :'''Raphael''': Whatever it is, it’s coming through the front door! :''[The banging continues and the heavily fortified lair entrance bulges. The lair shakes and stones fall. The door shifts to one side and a brace rips loose, then the door falls. Splinter and the turtles rush towards the ramp and watch as two huge Foot mechs, called Shrednauts, crash through the wall and enter the lair. The Shrednauts pause and Foot ninja run into the lair.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': What the...? The Foot! :'''Donatello''': But how? How did ''they'' find us? :'''Raphael''': Don’t matter how they found us, '''they''' found us. Now let’s kick the shell out of ‘em! ''[He rushes to meet some advancing ninja.]'' '''Get... out... of... my house!!''' <hr width=50%/> :'''Raphael''': Oh, shell! :'''Donatello''': No way! It can’t be him! :'''Michelangelo''': Master Splinter, any chance this is just another mystical attack? :'''Splinter''': No, my son, this is real. All too real. :'''Donnie''': The Shredder! But, the Utroms sentenced him to exile. :'''Raph''': Yeah? Well, it didn’t take. :''[The dust around the Shredder swirls and then the four Foot Elite appear.]'' :'''Karai''': Oroku Saki is gone, thanks to you, but the Shredder lives on! ''[She removes her helmet to reveal herself.]'' :'''Donnie''': Karai! :'''Splinter''': So the daughter of Oroku Saki has become the Shredder. Why? :'''Karai''': Honor demands it, Splinter-san. After you helped the vile Utroms exile my father, I vowed to avenge his honor! :'''Splinter''': You dare speak of honor!? Your father murdered my Master Yoshi! Your father had no honor! :'''Karai''': You will pay for your lie! ''All of you!!'' Where is Leonardo?! :'''Raph''': ''He'' ain't here! :'''Mikey''': You know, you just missed him, but if you leave right now, we'll tell him that you stopped by. :'''Karai''': You mock me. The fact that you still live mocks me!! ''[She dons the helmet.]'' That all ends now! ''Destroy them!'' Leave no one alive. <hr width80%> :'''Splinter''': Master Yoshi's orb. ''[Karai brakes it]'' No!! :'''Karai''': Your sons destroyed my father! Now I will repay them in kind! I begged Leonardo to let him go, but ''he'' would not listen to reason!! :'''Splinter''': It is ''you'' who has been blinded to reason! Oroku Saki was a murderer! But ''you'' will ''not'' allow yourself to see the truth!! :'''Karai''': I see clearly, rat! and you will pay for what you have done to me! :''[They fight.]'' :'''Splinter''': I reached out to you! I hoped that you would turn away from evil, but I can see now that has consumed you!! ''[Karai slashes his shoulder.]'' Ugh! ''[steps back]'' You are faster than your father. I will give you that, but your dark heart will betray you, just as ''his'' did!! :''[She strikes him hard enough to expel him from the room. Karai stalks towards him as Splinter lays on the ground.]'' :'''Karai''': You are not even worthy to speak of my father, rodent!! ''[grabs him by his robe and lifts him off the ground.]'' I will silence your treacherous tongue once and for all!! ''[She draws back an arm to strike. Raphael pushes himself up from the ground and sees them.]'' :'''Raphael''': '''NO!!''' :'''Donatello''': Master Splinter! :''[Raphael races forward and leaps at Karai, who spins around and hits him, dropping Splinter in the process. Donatello runs at her and jumps, kicking her to the ground, which causes Karai to lose her helmet. She doesn’t move and Donatello helps Splinter stand up. He is joined by Raphael and Michelangelo.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Master Splinter! :'''Donatello''': We have to get out of here. :''[They all spin around at another loud crashing sound, to find the lair filled with enemies, all of them staring at the mutant family.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Uh, easier said than done. :'''Raphael''': Donnie, you take Master Splinter with you. We split up, get out, and hook back up again topside. Got it? ''[They jump as a Shrednaut strikes the ledge they were on.]'' Now let’s go! And guys, be careful. <hr width80%> <hr width80%> <hr width80%> :'''Michelangelo''': Klunk? ''[Klunk meow]'' Where are you, Klunk? ''[He ducks a laser blast and then looks up to see Klunk standing on an overhead rafter.]'' Ah! Hang on, Klunk, I’m coming! ''[He leaps and climbs until he reaches the cat.]'' I got you pal. Mikey’s here. :''[He picks up Klunk and then spots a Shrednaut taking aim at him. It fires and Michelangelo jumps for a rope, which he climbs while Klunk clings to his shell. Still dodging blasts from the Shrednaut, Michelangelo leaps for a fire escape ladder which he rides down to the floor below. Jumping off the ladder, he hops from Foot ninja to Foot ninja, bouncing off of their shoulders, before spin kicking one down and landing on the ground. He turns to find a Shrednaut aiming at him. Michelangelo darts between the legs of another Shrednaut and rolls to a stop at a ramp. Holding Klunk, he runs as a Shrednaut pulverizes a support column and the rocks tumble down. Michelangelo races into the next room and the Shrednaut follows. Parked along one wall is the Turtle Tunneler. Michelangelo is inside with Klunk.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Don’t worry, Klunk. I’ve got a plan. ''[Klunk hops into his lap.]'' Here we go. :''[He starts the Tunneler’s engine and fires up the front laser drill. As he drives towards a back wall, the Shrednaut opens fire. The Tunneler drills its way into the sewer tunnels and drives away, but the Shrednaut enters the tunnel and gives chase.]'' <hr width80%> :''[Meanwhile, the elevator reaches the garage above the lair. When the elevator door opens, Raphael walks out slowly, and then drops to all fours, breathing hard. Behind him, the Foot ninja are all unconscious. Suddenly the garage door opens and Raphael looks up to see more Foot ninja approaching.]'' :'''Raphael''': You gotta be kidding me. :''[The Foot ninja race towards him and Raphael jumps up to run for the Battle Shell. He enters just as the ninja throw several throwing stars at him, all of them hitting the door. Raphael starts the engine and then fires a missile at the Foot ninja blocking the door. With the path cleared, Raphael drives out of the garage and onto the city streets.]'' <hr width80%> :''[Meanwhile, Karai is still inside the lair.]'' :'''Karai''': In the name of Oroku Saki, ''Find them!!'' They must not be allowed to live. ''[The Foot bow to her and run to do her bidding.]'' And tear this filthy place apart, Leave nothing standing! :''[The Shrednauts begin firing, taking down support pillars and blasting the ceiling with missiles. Karai laughs as the turtles’ home is destroyed.]'' <hr width80%> :''[To the river, where Donatello, piloting the Shell Sub, is trying to shake his pursuers. The Foot fire torpedoes.]'' :'''Donatello''': Hold on, Master Splinter. :''He pulls back hard on the steering column and the Shell Sub goes straight up. The torpedoes hit each other and explode. The Foot manage to get in front of him and one fires his torpedoes, scoring a direct hit on the underbelly of the Shell Sub. The sub flips over, water beginning to drip into the interior.'' :'''Donatello''': I don’t have enough firepower to fight all of them. Unless… ''[glances at a set of controls.]'' Hang on, Master Splinter. I’ve got an idea. :''[He presses a set of buttons and the Shell Sub rights itself. Torpedoes launch and fire directly into the river bottom, where they raise a dust cloud. Donatello manages to keep the sub upright and land it at the center of the dust cloud. River bottom dirt covers the sub as it settles on the bottom. The Foot converge on the spot where it went down. Inside, Donatello forces open the door and water floods into the cabin. He gives the diving gear to Splinter and then takes a deep breath before kicking a gear and then swimming out of the sub. Suddenly, the Shell Sub emerges and shoots straight upwards. Donatello and Splinter peek up out of the dirt to watch the Foot go after it and fire multiple torpedoes, all of which hit the sub. It explodes, and the remains sink to the river bottom.]'' :'''Underwater Foot Ninja''': Mistress Karai, Donatello and the rat have been destroyed. :'''Karai''': ''[on radio]'' Excellent. Most excellent. :''[The Foot leave. Donatello and Splinter pass the breathing mask back and forth as they swim for the surface.]'' <hr width80%> :''[Michelangelo punches through a wall with the Tunneler and enters the subway tunnels. He drives straight across tracks and drills through another wall to reach another sewer tunnel, with the Shrednaut in hot pursuit. he opens the door]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Hang on, Klunk! ''[jumps out of the Tunneler and dives for cover in the side tunnel. The Tunneler speeds away with the Shrednaut in pursuit. The Shrednaut fires several missiles and hits the Tunneler, which rolls over and crashes.]'' :'''Foot Technician''': Foot Mech Four to Base. Michelangelo is finished. :'''Karai''': ''[on radio]'' Excellent. :''[Michelangelo runs away from the area, carrying Klunk with him.]'' <hr width80%> :'''Karai''': ''[Cut to an overhead view of the city.]'' All that remains is Leonardo. ==Prodigal Son== * Leo becomes less trustful towards Karai since this episode. However, he still appears to have feelings for her as he spared her life. <hr width80%> :'''[[w:Karai (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Karai]]''': ''(Praying)'' Honorable father, though you are imprisoned among the stars, I bring you news that will set free your soul. I, your humble daughter, Karai, discovered the lair of your most hated enemies and led a full Foot attack force against them. Utterly defeated, all they could was flee. Donatello and the rat we left destroyed at the bottom of the river. Michelangelo tried to burrow his way into safety, but he could not dig deep enough to escape my wrath. And Raphael was blown to smithereens in the turtles' own Battle Shell. All that remains is Leonardo, father, and once I find him, then you will truly and forever be avenged! <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': Man! I really missed this old place. ''[sees the ruins of the Lair]'' Oh no, the lair!! ''[strips off his coat and draws a katana before entering.]'' No!! What happened here!? ''[picks up a broken Shell Cell, looks around, and continues on, finding that the lair has almost been completely destroyed. Poised on a ledge above, a Shrednaut’s lights come on. It captures Leonardo’s presence in its view screen and jumps down in front of him. The Foot Technician inside the Shrednaut opens fire, but Leonardo leaps to safety and pulls his second sword.]'' '''You dare come into my home and do this?!!''' ''[jumps at the control pod where the Technician sits and slices into it, causing the Shrednaut to tumble backwards and power down. Leonardo then slices open the harness which holds the Technician in his seat. Leonardo spots the emblem on the Technician’s shirt.]'' The Foot. ''[grabs the Technician by the shirt front and lifts him.]'' '''My family, where are they?!!''' :'''Foot Technician''': You’ll get nothing from me! :''[He presses a button and sparks begin to fly from the Shrednaut’s body. Leonardo leaps away and the Technician flees the machine. Leonardo races out of the lair as the Shrednaut overloads and explodes. The explosion sends Leonardo flying partway down the tunnel, but he is unhurt.]'' :'''Leonardo''': I need some answers. <hr width=50%/> :'''April O'Neil''': ''[from her warning note]'' Leo, I'm so sorry. I not sure what to say, the others are... Karai said she got them all. ''She'' left this. She says your next. Be careful. :'''Leonardo''': No! It can't be! Karai is ''lying!'' They’re alive, I know it! <hr width=50%/> :''[At the Foot Headquarters. A helicopter comes in for a landing and Karai steps out. A Foot ninja meets her and delivers a report.]'' :'''Foot Ninja''': Mistress Karai, we just received the report. The Shrednaut unit stationed in the turtles’ lair was destroyed. :'''Karai''': Leonardo. Deploy all available Foot ninja. Search the city. ''Destroy him!'' ''[The ninja bows and leaves.]'' This night my beloved father will truly be avenged! <hr width=50%/> :''[Leonardo enters an abandoned building through the broken skylight. Behind him, Donatello sees only a shadowed form and draws his bō. Hearing the sound, Leonardo draws a sword and spins around.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Donny? It’s me. :'''Donatello''': Ah, Leo. ''[limps towards his brother.]'' You’re back! :''[They shake hands in greeting.]'' :'''Leonardo''': You okay? :'''Splinter''': My son. :'''Leonardo''': Master Splinter. ''[His father comes out of the shadows, holding his side.]'' I knew it. I knew you were both alive. Don’t worry, Sensei, everything’s gonna be okay. I promise. :'''Donatello''': Oh man, it’s good to see you, bro’. :'''Leonardo''': We have to get both of you out of here before any more Foot show up. <hr width=50%/> :''[Cut to a long range view of {{w|Belvedere Castle}}. A manhole cover slides into place on a trail in {{w|Central Park}}. In the tunnels below, Leonardo leads the way, illuminating their path with his flashlight.]'' :'''Leonardo''': We need to find a safe place for you two to rest and recuperate. Some place far from the old lair. ''[He brushes the dirt off of a sign which reads “Reservoir Pump Station”. Following the arrow on the sign, the trio find a boarded up entrance. he removes the boards and then opens the metal door. He flashes the light around before descending a short set of stairs onto a metal catwalk. The space is huge, with catwalks leading in several directions.]'' This oughta do for now. :'''Donatello''': This must be one of the earlier pumping stations for the reservoir. I think I’ve seen it on some of the old city planning. ''[He looks around at the expansive space and whistles.]'' Very nice! :'''Splinter''': Leonardo, now that Donatello and I are safe… :'''Leonardo''': I’m already on it, Master Splinter. I’ll find them. ''[He races out of the station.]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Raphael''': I ''can't'' believe Karai did this to '''''us!''''' I can't believe ''she'' and the Foot tooked '''''our home!''''' :'''Leonardo''': Listen, Raph, nothing is permanent. We have to flow with change. :'''Master Splinter''': Perhaps Leonardo has learned a thing or two from the Ancient One. ''[He and Leonardo look at one another.]'' Yes, I can see it in your eyes. I have my son back. And I can see something else in your eyes. Please be careful, my son. She will be well guarded, and her skills are much improved. :'''Leonardo''': So are mine, sensei. I’ll be fine, I promise. Now, get some rest. I’m gonna go get some food and supplies. I’ll be back. :'''Raphael''': Hey, Leo, bring back some sodas or something. :'''Michelangelo''': And some pizza and Chinese food ''[Klunk meow]'' and some kibble. <hr width=50%/> :''[Karai is inside the Oroku Saki Memorial Library in full Shredder armor, sans the helmet. She approaches Oroku Saki’s statue, kneels and removes the covering from a katana. This she places in the stand which is at the feet of the statue. As soon as she sets the sword in place, the “Sewer Sweet Sewer” plaque whips through the air and impales the sword stand.]'' :'''Leonardo''': ''[coldly]'' Hello, Karai. Got your message. :'''Karai''': I am impressed. Security here is very tight, yet here you are, undetected. :''[Leonardo hops down and takes up a defensive posture.]'' :'''Leonardo''': So, you are the new Shredder? :''[Karai places the helmet on her head and turns.]'' :'''Karai''': Yes. ''[draws her sword]'' And I am your doom! :''[Leonardo pulls one of his swords as well.]'' :'''Leonardo:''' You have gone too far this time, Karai!! :'''Karai:''' Not far enough! Not until you lie broken and battered at my feet! Only then will my father truly be avenged! Make no mistake, Leonardo, son of Splinter, hated enemy of my father. Your path ends here! :''[leaps at him and he rushes to meet her attack. Their swords clash and they push against each other.]'' :'''Leonardo:''' I remember when we first met, Karai! We fought side by side and I said you were nothing like the Shredder! ''[He falls back, pulling her down and rolling until she is on her back and he is standing over her.]'' I thought you understood honor, but I was wrong! ''You're exactly like him!! You understand '''nothing!!''''' :''[She kicks him off, but he does a handspring and regains his feet. Leonardo catches her sword on his and quickly disarms her, sending her sword flying onto the arms of the statue. She takes a swing at him, but he ducks and pulls her second sword from her belt.]'' :'''Karai''': No, you will pay. You must pay! ''[She tries to slash him with her Tekkō-kagi, but he ducks. Karai squats and launches the weighted end of her Manriki-gusari at him. It wraps around the handle of her stolen sword and she flips backwards, her weight pulling the weapon from his hand. She throws the sword behind her and drops the hook end of the Manriki-gusari into her other hand. Spinning it, she charges and throws the weapon. Leonardo pulls his second katana, leaps, and slices through the chain.]'' No! I must have my revenge! ''[She runs but Leonardo pursues. As she turns, he flips through the air at her, slicing several times. Karai’s helmet falls into several pieces, shocking her.]'' :'''Leonardo:''' Your own anger defeats you, Karai. ''[stands with his back to her.]'' You remind me of a Turtle I used to know. :'''Karai:''' ''[takes a couple of steps back, and grabs the communication device from her belt.]'' Security to the library… ''[Before she can finish, Leonardo slashes across the device, destroying it. As it falls, Leonardo, who has gotten behind her, places his katana near her head. He taps on her shoulder with the sword and she drops to her knees.]'' Go ahead. Do it! Finish me! :'''Leonardo:''' No. ''[Still kneeling, Karai turns as he sheathes his swords.]'' I'm giving you one last chance to do the right thing, Karai. Don't waste it. ''[walks over to Saki’s statue.]'' And Karai, ''[leaps]'' ''stay away [grabs Saki’s sword] from my '''family!!''''' ''[slashes at the statue and tosses the sword so that it sticks into the floor in front of Karai. As he races away]'' :''[The statue’s head falls, having been sliced away from the body. It bounces and rolls across the floor, coming to a stop in front of Karai. Suddenly the room is flooded with Foot ninjas.]'' :'''Foot Ninja''': Mistress Karai! Is everything all right?! :''[Karai looks up to see two of the upper window panels flapping in the breeze.]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[Leonardo returns to the new lair carrying a duffel bag.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Did someone mention food? ''[takes two containers from the bag.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Chinese food for breakfast? ''[He and Donatello both catch a container.]'' Works for me. :''[Kneeling, Leonardo hands a container of food to Raphael and then stands to walk over to Splinter.]'' :'''Leonardo''': I’ve checked it out and this seems like a safe place, Master Splinter. We could stay here, maybe even fix it up a bit. :'''Splinter''': It is as the great sage, Shinto Sakamoto said, home is where you hang your hat. :''[Leonardo kneels before him and takes an ornate walking stick from his bag.]'' :'''Leonardo''': This walking stick is said to have come from a very ancient and mystic tree. ''[He presents the stick to Splinter, who takes it from him.]'' I got it with the Ancient One. I’ve carried it all this way for you. :'''Splinter''': Ah, a very gracious gift. ''[They bow to one another.]'' Thank you, Leonardo. Welcome home. ==Outbreak== :'''Agent Bishop''': ''(Narrating)'' For too long, our world, our history, has been influenced by extraterrestrial threats. I know this all too well. My purpose has always been clear: Defend against the threat. Rebuild humanity to resist invasion. It hasn't always been easy. There are tough choices that need to be made. Someone has to stop this alien plague. It was a vow I made long ago. And I intend to keep it. <hr width=50%/> :'''Michelangelo''': Ugh. Next time I’ll take lookout duty. :'''Raphael''': Great. More of Karai's Foot ninja. We should be out hunting them, not the other way around. :'''Leonardo''': We’ll handle Karai, Raph, but on our terms, not hers. We’ll handle whatever comes our way. <hr width=50%/> :'''Raphael''': You okay, bro’? ''[helps Donatello up.]'' :'''Donatello''': Thanks. :'''Michelangelo''': Don, Raph, watch out! :''[They turn to see several tentacles shooting towards them. Raphael shoves Donatello out of the way.]'' :'''Raphael''': Move! :''[Raphael avoids the tentacles, but one of the spikes strikes Donatello’s thigh.]'' :'''Donatello''': Oh! :''[Raphael pins the tentacle with his sai.]'' :'''Donatello''': My leg. :'''Raphael''': You okay? :'''Donatello''': Yeah, just a nick. Uh, thanks again. ==Trouble with Augie== * This marks the only appearance of Professor August O'Neil, an uncle of [[w:April O'Neil|April O'Neil]] and is the only appearance of Robyn O'Neil, a sister of April. <hr width=50%/> :'''April O'Neil''': ''(Narrating)'' The man in the hat is my uncle Augie. Uncle Augie didn't just teach me math and science, he taught me to love them. If it wasn't for him, I never would've have gotten my college degree in math. Uncle Augie was always coming and going, off on adventures, but we made the most of our time together. Then one day, uncle Augie just disappeared and he never came back. I'd give anything to see my uncle Augie again. I know he's alive and somehow, someway, I'm going to find him. <hr width=50%/> :'''Mikey''': Especially since Karai the new miss Shredder showed up at your shop. ==Insane in the Membrane== * This marks the only appearance of Baxter Stockman's mother in flashbacks. <hr width=50%/> :''[Montage of Stockman's accomplishments accompanied by his voice over]'' :'''[[w:Baxter Stockman|Baxter Stockman]]''': ''(Narrating)'' Once, long ago, I, Dr. Baxter Stockman, was a whole man. With a brilliant mind and an able body! In the scientific community, I was unequalled! Throughout the world, I was renowned, revered, worshipped! But it all went wrong, horribly, horribly wrong. My genius fell under the control of cruel-minded brutes. :''[Flashback of Shredder ordering Hun to drag Stockman away.]'' :'''Baxter Stockman''': No, '''NOOOOOOOOOO!''' :''[We see Hun, from Stockman's POV, thrusting a saw in his face, and the image shatters as it makes contact. A montage of Stockman's various injuries plays until we see him as just a brain in a jar]'' :'''Baxter Stockman''': ''(Narrating)'' They whittled me away, piece by piece, limb by limb, until I was reduced to nearly nothing. ''[Stockman, in his deteriorated form, approaches the camera menacingly]'' But those simpletons aren't to blame. I finally know who's responsible for my downfall, and now, with my new body, I will finally have my revenge! <hr width=50%/> :'''Baxter Stockman''': [Driven to madness and desperation] This experiment is a catastrophe. (As he slams his hands on the floor which it cracks) Uh! HOW could I have been so stupid? Why was I in such a rush? Why didn't I listen to agent Bishop? [Rips off his lab coat in rage] WHY?! Why am I a failure, my whole life?! Oh, mama. I made such promise. (Reminiscing) Where did it all go wrong?! Where? ''[The scene turns red and blue as all of Stockman's enemies appear in his mind, reminscing his time with them. First, we cut to Shredder and some Baxter's injuries.]'' A horrible degradation at the hands of the Shredder. ''[Cut to Hun, who looks grumpily at camera with Purple Dragons behind his back.]'' His horrific bug, Hun! ''[Cut to the turtles]'' And those despicable turtles! No! No! [Camera pans to April, who points at something and then...] Before then… It was her! I trusted her and ''she'' betrayed me! ''[Cut to the turtles (in shadows) and April. Raphael is seen kicking robot Stockman.]'' SHE brought in those turtles and ruined everything, my glorious mousers failed because of her and that failure is what brought the Shredder's wrath down upon me! Yes! She's responsible, ''she'' did this to me. (He picks up the whole table, throws at machinery and brakes) And ''she'' is the one who will pay!! <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> :'''Casey Jones''': He just busted in he knocked me out when I woke up they were gone, all I remember is him saying something about going back to where this all started. :'''Raphael''': Where it all started? :'''Leonardo''': Stocktronics, ''[To Stockman continues to carry April to his old lab building now abandoned, offscreen]'' the lab where he and April first worked together it has to be. <hr width=50%/> :'''Mrs. Stockman''': Baxter, ''[coughing]'' I'm sorry baby doll Mama's just worn out, I guess this old body just can't take it, I so wanted to see you grow up and be a fine man, I did ''[coughing]'' Remember the sky's the limit for you boy, I love you Baxter. ''[dies]'' :'''Young Baxter Stockman''': No, Mama! Don't leave me. Mama! Mama! <hr width=50%/> :'''Leo''': Let her go, Stockman! :'''Baxter Stockman''': April? You, you betrayed me! :'''Donnie''': Run, April! Get out of here! :'''Baxter Stockman''': No! She can't leave, I forbid it! :'''Mikey''': You asked for it, Dr. Stockman-Stein! <hr width=50%/> :'''Raph''': There they are! :'''Mikey''': On the cable car! <hr width=50%/> :'''Stockman''': Now we can finally set things right. :'''April''': Doctor Stockman, please don’t this, can you remember when your work helped people when it was about the science? You were a brilliant man the sky was the limit for you Doctor Stockman. :'''Stockman''': ''[starts hallucinating again.]'' Mama? ''[sees April as his mother.]'' :'''Baxter Stockman's mother''': The sky was the limit you were such a good boy, you had so much potential, what happened to you baby doll? ''[sees her as herself again]'' :'''April''': You were someone I admired, someone I respected and you can be again. :'''Baxter Stockman''': Mama what have I done? :''[The coupling of the cable car continues to break]'' :'''April''': Doctor. :''[Stockman hallucinates April as his mother again.]'' :'''Baxter Stockman's mother''': Baxter. :'''April''': Please. :''[The cable car shakes and she trips backwards.]'' :'''Baxter Stockman''': (gasps) Mama, Mama. :'''Casey''': April! :'''Baxter Stockman''': ''[still hallucinates April as his mother]'' Mama. You've got to get off of here, Mama it's not safe. ''[He comes to April and picks her, Casey climbs down the cable and grabs April.]'' Hurry Mama, ''[Casey places his around April and they both look at Stockman]'' hurry! I love you, Mama! I… ''[The coupling brakes from the cable and the cable car falls in to the river]'' I… Ahhh! :''[The slash is heard as April cries over Stockman's "death", the turtles pull the cable getting Casey and April to safety inside the copter.]'' :'''Mikey''': Man, you think that's the end of Stockman? :'''Leo''': We've seen him come back from worse. Only time will tell. :'''Raph''': Well, I say it good riddance! That psycho's giving us nothing, but grief, ever since we met him! :'''Donnie''': I dunno, at least he gave us this neat chopper... sort of. Now, let's just find a place to park it. ==Return of Savanti== ===Part 1 [4.20]=== :'''Donatello''': ''(Narrating)'' My name is Donatello and right now I can't help but think of an old saying: Be careful what you wish for. All my life, I've been fascinated with what they call "terrible lizards" and "thunder beasts". Dinosaurs. But now, amazingly, I got my wish. Here I am in the Cretaceous Period, 65 million years ago, finally seeing them with my own two eyes, while running for my life. So be careful what you wish for, or, just like the dinosaurs, you might find yourself facing sudden extinction. ===Part 2 [4.21]=== :'''Savanti Romero''': ''(Narrating)'' Eons ago, I was on the verge of ultimate power. With the omnipotent Time Scepter, I, Savanti Romero, was going to rule all of time. That is, until Lord Simultaneous thwarted my plan. He turned me into a monster and exiled me from null time to Earth's Middle Ages where he hoped never to hear from me again. But instead, I plotted: Summoning all my magic, I tried again to take the time scepter and use it against Lord Simultaneous. But thanks to the interference of those accursed ninja turtles and that foolish timestress Renet, my victory was denied and Simultaneous exiled me once more, even further in time to Earth's Cretaceous Period, but that did not stop me. Again, I gathered my magic and lured my prey back through time. Savanti Romero will not be denied his revenge. The timestress will pay for her meddling. The time scepter will finally be mine. As for the turtles, they have no idea of the changes that are about to befall them. ==Tale of Master Yoshi== * This marks the only appearance of [[w:Tang Shen|Tang Shen]], and Yukio Mashimi in flashbacks. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' Honor. Integrity. Bushido. These were the ideals that drove Master Splinter's beloved master: Hamato Yoshi. He had traveled far to reach this castle fortress only to find four Foot elite warriors barring his way. But four or four hundred, it mattered not for on this particular night, Yoshi was driven by a powerful force unfamiliar to him. Hatred. Hatred that burned so bright it threatened to destroy him. Hatred born out of the need for revenge. <hr width=50%/> :'''Donatello''': I know! Maybe Leo should tell us about the Ancient One. :'''Raphael''': Yeah, Leo. I want to know the other things you learned on how to kick butt. :'''Leonardo''': Well, I wouldn't know where to start, but there is one story I think you might want to hear... about Master Splinter's master, Hamato Yoshi. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': It's a story about a girl. :'''Raphael''': A girl? Does she kick butt? :'''Master Splinter''': Raphael. Please, continue, Leonardo. :'''Leo''': Okay. Our story begins long ago in the 1960s. Japan was just getting back on its feet. :'''Michelangelo''': After an attack by [[Godzilla]]? :'''Leo''': No. After its defeat in [[w:World War II|World War II]]. It was not uncommon to see young orphaned boys in the streets, begging for food and money. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' So the Ancient One took Yoshi and his friend into his home, and trained them in the ways of ninjitsu, and treated them as if they were his own sons. As they grew into young men, they became closer than brothers, best of friends who do everything together. They even fell in love at the same time, with the same girl - [[w:Tang Shen|Tang Shen]]. They were crazy about her. Tang Shen was also an orphan raised by the Ancient One. It was her loving care that made the Ancient One's house into a home and that often brought unexpected visitors to her kitchen. :'''Tang Shen''': Mashimi, no! :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' But Tang Shen saw a hungry innocent creature and, as always, her first thought was to care for it. She decided to keep the curious rat as a pet. Seeing that Tang Shen had grown fond of the hungry little visitor, Yoshi had built a home for the newest member of their family. Although, Tang Shen had captured both the boys' hearts, it was clear that her heart belonged to only one of them - Yoshi. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' But the Ancient One was dead set against it. :'''Ancient One''': Ha, no. The Guardians are no place for you. You must ''not'' do this. Yoshi, a different destiny awaits you. Neither of you are ready. You need much more training. :'''Yukio Mashimi''': Sensei, we are more than ready. :'''Ancient One''': In body perhaps, but it is your heart and mind that still need training, my son. :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': The Guardians are an honorable force for good, Sensei. I want to help them. :''[Tang Shen peers through the doorway into the dojo.]'' :'''Ancient One''': No. I forbid you to ''join'' the Guardians. ''[leaves]'' That is my ''final'' word. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' Though his friendship with Mashimi began to diminish, Yoshi's bond with Tang Shen grew stronger than ever, but the coils of jealousy were winding tighter and tighter in Mashimi's soul until... something snapped. :''[A crack of thunder is followed by rain. Tang Shen lifts her arms to welcome it.]'' :'''Yukio Mashimi''': Tang Shen! :'''Tang Shen''': Oh, Mashimi, you startled me. ''[?]'' What, what is wrong with you? :''[Inside his dojo the little rat munches on a crumb when the sound of Tang Shen’s scream cuts the air. The Ancient One is nearby and runs for the door.]'' :'''Ancient One''': Tang Shen? ''[runs outside, looking for her.]'' Tang Shen! ''[He then spots her prone form.]'' Oh no! Tang Shen! <hr width=50%/> :'''Shredder''': Secure all the exits. Let none escape. :''[Mashimi, now wearing the garb of the Foot, steps up next to Shredder.]'' :'''Mortu''': Mashini, ''you'' have betrayed ''us!''? :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': Mashimi, why? :'''Yukio Mashimi''': How dare ''you'' ask why! ''You'' betrayed ''me!'' We were like brothers, but you had everything and left me with nothing!! Now I take everything from you, including your life!! <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' Yoshi returned to tell Tang Shen all that had happened, only to find out the horrible truth. :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': Tang Shen!? No! '''NOOOO!!''' ''[echoes]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[at Shen's grave]'' :'''Ancient One''': This is all my fault. I knew Mashimi had a dark streak in his heart. :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': It is not your fault, Master. It is Mashimi's fault and he shall pay with his life!! :'''Ancient One''': Be careful, my son. Vengeance is like a splinter that will poison your mind and heart. <hr width=50%/> :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': Yukio Mashimi, I have come for you! Show yourself, ''traitor!'' :'''Shredder''': ''[sits on his throne.]'' Mashimi. :''[Mashimi steps out in front of the stairs leading up to Shredder’s throne.]'' :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': Mashimi, ''I'' challenge ''you'' to a ''duel'', assassin!! :'''Yukio Mashimi''': A duel!? Ha! You have unknowingly stepped into the lion's den, Yoshi! I do not need to fight you! We outnumber you!! :'''Shredder''': You are mistaken, Yukio Mashimi. You stand alone. Defeat Hamato Yoshi and I will forgive our humiliating retreat from the Utrom base. Only if you defeat Yoshi will I let you live. :'''Yukio Mashimi''': As you wish, Master. ''[walks over to where Yoshi waits and strikes a defensive posture.]'' So, Yoshi, our story comes full circle! It began with the two of us and it will end with just the two of us!! :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': This story will only end with one of us, Mashimi!! <hr width=50%/> :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': Well, little one. I will name you Splinter. And together, we will remind ourselves of Tang Shen. Of her beauty, her kindness, and love. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': Well, I think we all know the rest of the story. :'''Michelangleo''': Man! What a bummer story. :'''Master Splinter''': Perhaps, Michelangelo, but perhaps not. It not for these events, I would never have been brought to New York. :'''Donatello''': And the Utroms would never have had to relocate here either, meaning no ooze. :'''Raphael''': No us. <hr width=50%/> :''[Present Day Japan. The Ancient One approaches a home. Inside, a gate rises and he proceeds down a long flight of stairs. He enters a large chamber, lit by fire sconces mounted around the center of a circular area. He bows.]'' :'''Ancient One''': I have come to plead for the turtles. You must not carry out your designs. :''[From the darkness, a pair of blue eyes light up. It is one of the Ninja Tribunal.]'' :'''Juto-Shisho''': You are too late, Ancient One. :''[From another side, the bright eyes are green.]'' :'''Chikara-Shisho''': We have decided. :''[Yet a third set of eyes, silver in color, appears.]'' :'''Kon-Shisho''': We will judge the turtles’ fate. We will determine whether they will live... :'''Juto-Shisho''': Or how they will meet their end. :''[The Ancient One bows.]'' ==<span style=color:purple>'''The Mutated Era of Donatello'''</span>== ===Adventures in Turtle Sitting=== :'''Leonardo''' ''[narrating]'': Things are not good, and they're getting worse by the second. We could really use good old Donnie right about now. Ever since Bishop's mutant outbreak began, Don's been the one guiding us through this whole mess. Coming up with all the answers. :''[Michelangelo gets hit]'' :'''Raph''': Mikey! :'''Leo''': ''[narrating]'' There have been ''hundreds'' of times we'd've been turtle-waxed... if Don's brains hadn't bailed us out. :'''Leo''': ''[sees Raph getting grabbed a monster]'' Raph! :'''Leo''': ''[narrating]'' It's too bad Don's not here now, because this is definitely one of those times. <hr width=50%/> :'''April''': Now who could that be? [She opens the doors to find the Michelangelo, Leonardo and Raphael standing there.] Guys! Hey, this is...unexpected. Guys! Hey, this is...unexpected. :'''Leonardo''': Sorry, April, but we’re on our way to a possible mutant outbreak at the power plant and— :'''Donatello''': Achoo! ''[groans, leans against the doorframe, looking weak and with dark bags under his eyes.]'' :'''April''': Whoa. Don, you look greener than usual. A lot greener than usual. :'''Donnie''': I know, I-- ''[blows his nose.]'' I've picked up this little bug and I haven't been able to shake it. ''[blows nose]'' I was feeling alright, but I just can't handle mutants right now. :'''Mikey''': Did you figure that out before, or after you barfed in the Battle Shell? :'''Raph''': Mikey! ''[slaps Mikey in the head]'' :'''Mikey''': OW! :'''Raph''': ''Adults'' are talking. April, can you keep an eye on Donnie for us? :'''Donnie''': Achoo! ''[blows his nose.]'' :'''April''': Of course Don can stay here. I mean, we weren’t going anywhere anyway. :'''Casey''': Bro’, you are seriously cramping my style here. :'''Donnie''': Sorry. :'''April''': You guys have been on monster patrol for weeks. What’s the plan, clean up all the mutants in Manhattan? :'''Leo''': Well, no. This outbreak is way more than four turtles can handle. We’re just trying to keep it from spreading. :'''April''': Well, go get ‘em guys. We’ll watch Don. :'''Leo''': Donnie, take it easy bro’. ''[The other turtles depart.]'' :'''Donnie''': Good lu-uh-uh-achoo! Achoo! :'''Casey''': Uh! ''[slaps his forehead as Donatello groans.]'' Come on, sickly mutant ninja turtle, you better lie down before you fall down. ''[helps Donatello lie down on the couch and then covers him with a blanket.]'' There. Comfy? <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': Okay, Mikey, you take the left. Don, you cover me on— :'''Michelangelo''': Uh, Don’s home sick from school today, Leo. :'''Leonardo''': Right. Raph, you cover me on the right. And remember guys, just contain them, do not splatter them. :'''Raphael''': We know the drill. Can't have that cream filling spillin' out, infecting other creatures with their freako DNA. The last thing we need is more genetic rejects. I mean, we've already got Mikey. :''[It's loving brother time!]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[after Donatello mutates]'' :'''April O'Neil''': This is crazy! :'''Casey Jones''': What do we do?! :'''April''': It's Don right? Try talking to him! :'''Casey''': Talk to him, are you nuts!? He's a savage, freaky monster and '''YOU JUST WHACKED HIM IN THE FACE WITH A BROOM!!!''' :''[Casey being the voice of reason]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Stockman''': I-- I don’t understand. What’s happened? What have you done to me? :'''Agent Bishop''': I had your brain recovered from the bottom of New York’s East River after your misguided sabbatical. While I could do without your personality, I do need your brain. The outbreak is getting worse by the minute, and I expect you to use that powerful mind of yours to clean it up. :'''Stockman''': I-- I-- I can’t believe... oh. I can’t believe you brought me back this. Why? Why? [He gets off the table and stands on shaky legs before falling.] Why couldn’t you let me finally rest in peace? Why?! <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': What was that thing? :'''Raphael''': And where’s Don? :'''Michelangelo''': Did that monster get Don? :'''April''': Guys, that monster is Don. :'''Michelangelo''': Say what? :'''April''': That thing you just fought is Don. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leatherhead''': I regret to say... I cannot cure him. :'''Mikey''': What?! NO!! :'''Raphael''': '''MAN, I AM GONNA TAKE BISHOP AND RAM MY FOOT SO FAR...''' :'''Leonardo''': Easy, Raph! We'll find cure, but first we got to capture Don before he hurts himself or anyone else. :''[Raph almost says something inappropriate for kids]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Michelangelo''': Oh ugly, mutated-version-of-my-beloved-brother DONATELLOOOO, where are youuu~?! ''[He hears growling.]'' Donny?! :''[Mutant Donatello appears rounds a turn, sees Michelangelo, and charges.]'' :'''Mikey''': Like, ZOINKS!! :''[Michelangelo dodges a swing, leaps over Donatello’s head, and runs. Donatello chases him. Michelangelo catches onto a hole in the ceiling of the tunnel and one handed swings through into the tunnel above. He turns and looks back, but sees no Donatello. Arming his weapon, he walks back towards the hole. Suddenly Donatello bursts through and Michelangelo screams and runs.]'' :'''Mikey''': Oh, Humna, humna, humna, humna, humna, humna, humna, humna! WHOA! :''[mutant Donatello keeps swinging his fists to Michelangelo, who keeps dodging them by swinging back and forward]'' :'''Mikey''': Now I know how a piñata feels! ''[dodge another fist swing]'' AND I DON'T LIKE IT! Whoa, Don! Come on, quit it! ''[Raph and Leo arrive.]'' A little help here, guys? :'''Raphael''': Whoa, mama! Don’s been taking his vitamins. ''[Donatello punches Michelangelo and flings him down at the feet of his brothers.]'' I’m really sorry about this, Donny! :''[He jumps down in front of Donatello and swings at him with his capture claw weapon.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Remember, this is Don. Do not hurt him! :''[Raphael hops around as Donatello tries to slash him.]'' :'''Raphael''': That’s not gonna be a problem, Leo! :''Donatello straightens and roars. Leonardo kicks his carapace and when Donatello turns, Raphael kicks him. Donatello falls forward onto his hands and knees.'' :'''Leonardo''': Leatherhead, you’re on. :''[Leatherhead leaps out of hiding and runs towards Donatello, who has risen to his feet. Leatherhead plows into him, grabs and lifts him off his feet. Donatello tries to snap at him. Leatherhead shoves him into the containment unit and Michelangelo and Leonardo slam the door shut. Donatello pounds on the glass as his brothers and Leatherhead look on.]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Splinter''': ''[sadly]'' My son. :'''Leatherhead''': I can sympathize. I know what it’s like to be a monster. :'''Raphael''': ''[places his hand on Splinter’s shoulder.]'' Poor Donny. :'''Michelangelo''': What are we gonna do, Leo? :'''Leonardo''': Do? This is Donatello. This is our brother. ''[He flattens a palm on the glass.]'' We’re going to hunt down a cure for him, no matter what it takes. No matter what it takes. ===Good Genes=== ====Part 1 [2.24]==== :'''[[w:Leatherhead (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Leatherhead]]''': ''(Narrating)'' As we fly through the night, I can't help but ponder: intelligence, reason, even simple thought. Most people take these things for granted. I do not. For I know what it's like to be an advanced mind, trapped in the body of a brute... of a monster. But for once, I am not the monster in question. My friend Donatello is one of the gentlest souls I've ever met, with one of the finest minds I've ever known. But now, thanks to the evil agent Bishop, my friend has been transformed into a thoughtless savage. And I fear that the Donatello I know may truly be lost forever. <hr width=50%/> :'''Karai''': Mystics, your master has need of you! :''[Laughter echoes all around her.]'' :'''Water Mystic''': ''[voice-over]'' Our master is the Shredder. Not you, little girl! :''[The Earth Mystic materializes atop of podium.]'' :'''Earth Mystic''': You are nothing but a pretender! like the Utrom abomination before you! :''[The other Mystics appear atop their perches.]'' :'''Karai''': You forget your place, Mystics! You serve me now. I hold the same power over you as my father did! All your talk of ancient power. You live in the past. I am the future and you will obey me. Find the turtle Leonardo! ''He'' must pay for his crimes ''against'' my father! Do you hear me?! ''[turns and walks away.]'' ''Find him!'' ''[exits the room. As the door closes behind her, the Mystics speaks again.]'' :'''Earth Mystic''': Perhaps ''he'' will find you! <hr width=50%/> :'''Leo''': Once we have Bishop, We'll convince him to help Don. :'''Raph''': Leatherhead and I can handle that part of the plan, we can be very convincing. ''[punches hand]'' :'''Michelangelo''': It's Area 51, they probably have a UFO watching us from SPACE! <hr width=50%/> :'''Stockman''': Now open that hunk a' junk. ====Part 2 [2.25]==== :'''Leo''': ''(Narrating)'' A wise man once said: I've got a bad feeling about this. And right now, I know how he feels. Believe it or not, that's my brother Donatello. And right now, he's sick. Really sick. He was scratched by one of Bishop's outbreak mutants, and now he has become a savage, mindless monster. Had it been any of us, we would have looked at Don to save the day. But even with Leatherhead's help, we're no closer to finding a cure. With no other options, we tracked down the one man who might have a cure: the man responsible for the outbreak in the first place: Agent Bishop. Bishop agreed to cure Don, but for a price. Infiltrating Foot central? It's an impossible mission. But what can we do? Our brother is sick. And there's nothing we won't do to save him. Even if it means... making a deal with the devil. <hr width=50%/> :'''Agent Bishop''': Comm systems on, secure channel :'''The Entity''': Ah, Agent Bishop, we are transmitting coordinates to you even as we speak :'''Bishop''': And in return? :'''Entity''': We will let you know, will you be retrieving the artifact yourself? :'''Bishop''': Of cause not, i'll sending in special agents. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leatherhead''': Donatello's condition continues to deteriorate, there's not much time. :'''Master Splinter''': Doctor Stockman, Agent Bisharp told us you have administer the cure to Donatello. :'''Baxter Stockman''': To think I sunk so low that unparalleled genius would be used save the life of these freaks, unfathomable. :'''Leatherhead''': Where is the cure Stockman? :'''Stockman''': I am pulled sweet oblivion for what? this? :'''Leatherhead''': Show us the cure NOW! :'''Stockman''': CURE? you stupid animal, Agent Bishop lied there is no cure. :'''Splinter''': WHAT?! :''[Leatherhead growls and his eyes turn green on Stockman]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Leo''': April come in :'''April''': Go leo :'''Leo''': we've made it to the Foots garbage disposal facility, time for you & Casey to do your thing :'''April''': Casey's heading in to the power station now, stand by :'''Casey''': Hey if we gonna put a computer virus in here to shut down the power, how come you're not going in? :'''April''': Because I don't look like a janitor :'''Casey''': Gee thanks :'''Leo''': Keep us posted April, we're moving into position :'''April''': Roger that :'''Leo''': Well here the fun starts :'''April''': All the buildings garbage go through shoots that led to an incinerator :'''Michelangelo''': We're going in through the furnace, isn't that gonna be hot???? :'''Leo''': It's our only way and that's not all,once through the incinerators we go up a shoots. :'''April''': Which Karai has secured with a deadly grid of lazers :'''Leo''': When the power drops we go up the vent, we gotta beat the emergency-power kicking in :'''Mikey''': Ah, Leo why is the grid still on? :'''Leo''': Casey, April, cut that power or we're turtles flambe. :'''Casey''': I've put in the stupid virus but it ain't working! :'''Leo''': Casey we really need that power out NOW :'''Casey''': Alright, you stupid computers, we're doing this old school, ''[picks up a computer]'' GOONGALA!!! ''[throws computer]'', Woo hoo :'''Leo''': Grids' down <hr width=50%/> :'''Karai''': Find out what's going on . . . Leonardo is here, but why?, why would he come here? <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': Good work Casey we're in, April go the phase 3: get to the copter :'''April O'Neil''': On it :'''Leo''': remember we get what we need and get out, Ralph you know what you have to do, Mikey you're with me, let's go <hr width=50%/> :'''Metal Mystic''': Everything goes as planned my brothers. :'''Earth Mystic''': Soon we all be free! <hr width=50%/> :''[About the mystic Heart of Tengu]'' :'''Karai''': No!! Give that to me!! You do not know what you are doing!! <hr width=50%/> :'''Karai''': You cannot take that! :'''Leonardo''': Watch me!! <hr width=50%/> :'''Karai''': No! ''[runs towards them.]'' Leonardo, face me!! :''[Leonardo turns and draws a sword, but Michelangelo catches him by the arm.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Get in, Get out, right? It's not about Karai, right? :'''Leo''': ''[sheathes his katana.]'' Right. :''[They climb onto the rubble piled in front of the hole in the wall.]'' :'''Karai''': Stop them! Someone stop them!! :''[All three turtles jump. Karai and her Foot Elite reach the opening, but can only watch as the turtles climb up a ladder dangling from the helicopter.]'' :'''Karai''': No! No! ''[drops to her knees.]'' No-o! ''[echoes]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Don''': ''[Emerges from a cloud of mist, cured]'' Hey guys, what's up? ''[collapses into Leatherhead's arms]'' :'''Leatherhead''': I have you, my friend. :'''Michelangelo, Raphael and Leonardo''': All right! Donny! Welcome back! It’s so good to see you again! <hr width=50%/> :'''Master Splinter''': Welcome back, my son. :'''Don''': I hope you guys didn't go through too much trouble for me. (Did you?) :''[Everyone is silent]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Nah. ==Ninja Tribunal== * This is the Season 4 finale. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' You know, if there's one thing I've learned being a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, is to always expect the unexpected. But with all of our training, and all of our hard work, I'd like to think that we're ready for anything. But sometimes, the unexpected is just a little too... unexpected. <hr width=50%/> :'''Raphael''': Yeah, no offense Donnie, but you weren't too much fun when you were... sick. :'''Michelangelo''': Fun?! He was a monster. An absolutely, horrible, drooling big nasty-fanged monster! You tried to eat my leg! <hr width=50%/> :'''Michelangelo''': Are we sure that Donnie's all better? See the full moon, Donnie? Do you feel the monster inside? The monster taking control?! 'MWAHAHAHA!!!! :'''Donatello''': Oh no. I'm- I'm changing! '''RAAAAGGGHH!''' :'''Mikey''': AAAAHHH! HELP ME! HELP ME! HE'S TRYING TO EAT MY LEG AGAIN! AAAAAHHHHH! <hr width=50%/> :''[After the enemy ninjas demonstrated their weapon sticks to the Turtles.]'' :'''Raphael''': Now maybe it's just me, but I think these guys plan to stick it to us. <hr width=50%/> :'''Juto-Shisho''': Bow when you enter this sanctuary. :'''Chikara-Shisho''': We require warriors to combatant, and as pathetic as you are, you eight are our best hope. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': You expect us to fight each other? :'''Raphael''': Forget it, bucketheads. :'''Kon-Shisho''': You WILL fight, or you will be destroyed. <hr width=50%/> :''[Back to New York City, the rooftop from which the turtles were kidnapped. Splinter and the Ancient One are searching the rooftop. The Ancient One finds the slashed mask left by the wooden warrior that Leonardo had fought.]'' :'''Ancient One''': The Mokusai no Bushi were here. ''[He studies gashes in the rooftop and then points to another area.]'' And here, signs of a struggle. :'''Splinter''': The Ninja Tribunal has taken my sons! Ancient One, you must take me to the tribunal. :'''Ancient One''': You know that what you ask is simply not permitted. :'''Splinter''': Permitted or not, I will protect my sons! == Characters == === Main === * [[w:Leonardo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Leonardo]] (or Leo) - voiced by [[w:Michael Sinterniklaas|Michael Sinterniklaas]] * [[w:Donatello (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Donatello]] (or Donnie) - voiced by [[w:Sam Riegel|Sam Riegel]] * [[w:Raphael (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Raphael]] (or Raph) - voiced by [[w:Greg Abbey|Frank Frankson]] * [[w:Michelangelo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Michelangelo]] (or Mikey) - voiced by [[w:Wayne Grayson|Wayne Grayson]] === Recurring === * [[w:Splinter (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Splinter]] - voiced by [[Darren Dunstan]] * [[w:April O'Neil|April O'Neil]] - voiced by [[w:Veronica Taylor|Veronica Taylor]] * [[w:Casey Jones (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Arnold Casey Jones Jr.]] - voiced by [[w:Marc Thompson (voice actor)|Marc Thompson]] === Antagonists === * [[w:Karai (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles|Karai]] – voiced by Karen Neill * Agent John Bishop – voiced by [[w:David Zen Mansley|David Zen Mansley]] * [[w:Baxter Stockman|Baxter Stockman]] – voiced by Scott Williams * Savanti Romero – voiced by [[w:David Zen Mansley|David Zen Mansley]] * [[w:Hun (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Hun]] – voiced by [[w:Greg Carey (voice actor)|Greg Carey]] * Rat King – voiced by [[w:David Zen Mansley|David Zen Mansley]] === Supporting === * [[w:Leatherhead (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Leatherhead]] - voiced by [[w:Greg Carey (voice actor)|Gary K. Lewis]] * The Ancient One - voiced by David Chen * [[w:Miyamoto Usagi|Miyamoto Usagi]] - voiced by [[w:Jason Griffith|Jason Griffith]] * [[w:Murakami Gennosuke|Murakami Gennosuke]] – voiced by [[Eric Stuart]] * Jhanna - voiced by [[w:Lisa Ortiz|Lisa Ortiz]] * Raptarr - voiced by Marc Diraison * Renet - voiced by Liza Jacqueline * Professor August O'Neil - voiced by [[w:Marc Thompson (voice actor)|Marc Thompson]] * Robyn O'Neil * * * * * Mortu - voiced by [[w:Dan Green (voice actor)|Dan Green]] * The Ultimate Daimyo - voiced by [[w:Marc Thompson (voice actor)|Marc Thompson]] * Gyoji - voiced by [[w:Oliver Wyman (actor)|Oliver Wyman]] * Nobody - voiced by [[w:Sean Schemmel|Sean Schemmel]] === Minor === * [[w:Hamato Yoshi|Hamato Yoshi]] – voiced by [[Eric Stuart]] * [[w:Shredder (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Ch'rell/Oroku Saki/Shredder]] - voiced by [[w:Scott Rayow|Scottie Ray]] * Angel - voiced by [[w:Tara Sands|Tara Jayne]] * Arnold Casey Jones Sr. * Baxter Stockman's mother * [[w:Tang Shen|Tang Shen]] * Yukio Mashimi * * * * * ==External links== {{wikipedia|Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003 TV series, season 4)}} {{Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles}} [[Category:Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003 TV series) seasons|4]] [[Category:Children's television seasons]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about turtles]] [[Category:American animated television seasons]] 4t4kvrbts5qtyy30wf2ena9bdjk7een 3779039 3778960 2025-07-15T07:33:47Z 148.252.146.237 /* Scion of the Shredder */ 3779039 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''Seasons''': [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 1)|1]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 2)|2]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 3)|3]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 4)|4]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 5): Ninja Tribunal|5: Ninja Tribunal]] / [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Fast Forward|6: Fast Forward]] / [[TMNT: Back to the Sewer|7: Back to the Sewer]] | '''Film''': [[Turtles Forever]] | [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003 TV series)|Main]] ---------------- The following is a list of quotes from the fourth season of the 2003 series '''''[[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003 TV series)|Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles]]'''''. ==Cousin Sid== * This is the Season 4 premiere. This marks the debut appearance of Casey Jones's cousin Sid. <hr width=50%/> :'''[[w:Splinter (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Master Splinter]]''': ''(Narrating)'' Life moves as the wheel of destiny turns, day to night, night to day. [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 3)|Our fight with the Shredder nearly cost us our lives.]] We are broken, battered, but alive. Our bodies will heal but I wonder: Do my sons carry other wounds not so easily overcome? I know with a great heaviness that there will always be some new threat to challenge us. I only pray my sons will be prepared to face it... <hr width=50%/> :''[The episode opens with a view of the Jones’ family farmhouse at night. Cut to the interior. The front door opens, and April enters with Master Splinter. He is injured and she is supporting him.]'' :'''April O'Neil''': Just a little bit further, Master Splinter. :''[Donatello and Michelangelo enter next. Donatello’s arm is in a sling and Michelangelo is on crutches with casts on his legs.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Finally. Now, someone give me a fork or something. You have no idea how bad my legs itch. :'''Donatello''': Yeah, we do, Mikey. We heard about it the whole trip. :''[Last to enter are Casey Jones, Raphael, and Leonardo. Casey and Leonardo are supporting Raphael. The two turtles have bandages wrapped around their bodies. April helps Splinter onto a chair.]'' :'''Splinter''': Thank you, April. I am not as young as I once was. Wound's take longer to heal. :'''Michelangelo''': I'm still as young as I once was, and I don't feel like I'm ever going to heal! :''[Casey and Leonardo helps Raphael to lie down on the couch.]'' :'''Raphael''': Too bad you didn't break your jaw. Maybe we’d finally get a little peace and quiet around here. ''[bones cracking]'' Ow. :'''Michelangelo''': ''[sits in a chair next to Splinter’s and props his legs up.]'' Ahh! That's... better? ''[sniffs]'' Ew! What's that smell?! It smells like burnt – ''[He glances over at his father.]'' Oh, right. Sorry, Sensei. :'''April''':All right. Who's hungry? :'''Donatello''': Me! :'''Michelangelo''': I am! :'''Donatello''': I am! :'''Casey Jones''': Over here! :''[Leonardo is standing at the window, staring into the yard.]'' :'''April''': Leo? :'''Splinter''': Leonardo? :'''Leonardo''': I'm fine. <hr width=50%/> :'''April''': ''[grabs the fork from Michelangelo]'' No scratching. <hr width=50%/> : '''Raphael''': Hey, I like it when Leo acts tough. We should get Karai to stab him more often. :''(Leo angrily glares)'' :'''Mikey''': Easy Leo. Leave Raph to me. Raph needs a hiding place. Don't you, Raphie boy? And I got just the spot. :'''Raph''': Hiding spot? ''[Leonardo and Donatello carry him to a closet.]'' Don't even... No way am I missing this action. ==The People's Choice== :'''[[w:Michelangelo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Michelangelo]]''': ''(Narrating)'' Who would have guessed that getting back to nature with my bro's would turn into a sci-fi marathon? There's nothing cooler than slimy, slippery space-creatures, giant alien blobs, cosmic rock creatures with a bad attitude, or intergalactic catfight! And here I thought our camping trip was going to be boring. Silly me! <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> ==Sons of the Silent Age== :'''[[w:April O'Neil|April O'Neil]]''': ''(Narrating)'' I love nature. Its beauty, its balance and perfection. Nature reminds me of what I learned in school about the scientist Charles Darwin. Darwin believed in the survival of the fittest. He explained how life on Earth could be defined simply as the struggle for existence. But, it seems to me that the struggle for existence is never very simple. <hr width=50%/> :'''April''': Are you okay, Leo? I know something’s been bothering you. :'''Leonardo''': Yeah, I... I don’t know. Well, I guess I do. It’s... I just can’t stop thinking about the last time we faced off against the Shredder. ''[clenches his fist.]'' That the only way that we could’ve defeated him was by blowing ourselves up. I couldn’t protect my brothers, my master. ''[punches a fist into the palm of his other hand.]'' I feel like such a complete failure, and no matter how I try to rationalize it, justify it, it always comes down to the fact that I wasn’t good enough. <hr width=50%/> :'''Raphael''': Then the first thing we have ta' do is sneak in there. :'''Michelangelo''': Right, and like the Three Musketeers used to say, "One for all and all for ninja mode." Course, I'm paraphrasing. ''[smack]'' Owww! :'''Raph''': What is wrong with you? :'''Mikey''': What? ==Dragon's Brew== * This is the only episodes in the series to not feature Raph (despite being mentioned), Mikey, and Donnie. <hr width=50%/> :'''Hun''': ''(Narrating)'' This is the dawning of a new age. I have seen the past and I have touched the future. I have learned from my late great master that preparation is everything and I am prepared. Our destiny will soon be at hand. Nothing can stop us now. Nothing. <hr width=50%/> :'''Casey''': Ha~ah! :'''Hun''': Jones! Uh! :'''Casey''': ''[elbows him in the gut and then sweeps his feet from under him with a hockey stick.]'' You and me, we got unfinished business! :'''Hun''': Bring it on. ''[Leonardo hops onto a box behind him.]'' Thought you turtles were destroyed. :'''Leonardo''': There’s a lot of that going around. :'''Casey''': He’s mine, Leo! :'''Leonardo''': I’ll just soften him up a little for you. <hr width=50%/> :'''Boy''': Mommy, I was dreaming about Daddy. It was horrible! :'''Mother''': It’s okay, Sweetie. Daddy is in a better place, remember? ==I, Monster== * This marks the debut appearance of Rat King. <hr width=50%/> :'''Rat King''': ''(Narrating)'' I awoke in the mud and the slime of a filthy river. I don't know where I am or even who I am. I'm haunted by glimpses... momentary fragments of a life I think I had. But what life do I have now? What am I, but a monster? And now all will fear me... because everything fears the monster. <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> ==Grudge Match== :'''[[w:Raphael (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Raphael]]''': ''(Narrating)'' It may look like just another day in the Battle Nexus, with the crowds and the cheering, but trust me, this day was gonna be special. I was looking forward to somebody finally shutting Mikey up about being Battle Nexus Champion. But it was starting to look like they were gonna shut Mikey up permanently. <hr width=50%/> :'''Master Splinter''': Yes. Pizza sounds very appetizing right now, with pepperoni and ''karma''. ==A Wing and a Prayer== * This marks the debut appearance of Raptarr. <hr width=50%/> :'''Raptarr''': ''(Narrating)'' Long have I watched over the world of man, and have I've been sickened by the ruthless acts of a soulless few. But through it all, I have learned more of who I am. Some call me "Hunter". Some call me "Protector". Whatever I am called, I have vowed to be this world's guardian angel. <hr width=50%/> ==Bad Day== :'''[[w:Donatello (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Donatello]]''': ''(Narrating)'' OK, pop quiz: If a dozen of Agent Bishop's deadly commandos are chasing you at ninety miles an hour from points A, B, and C, what are the odds you're gonna survive the next five minutes? <hr width=50%/> :'''Master Splinter''': Perhaps, but I am not speaking to you. I wait for my true foes to reveal themselves. You cannot touch me! :'''Foot Mystic''': This one is more powerful than we imagined. <hr width=50%/> :'''Karai''': Fools! Another failure!? :'''Fire Mystic''': Our encounter has given information that will be useful to us. But we did not expect our forces to be breached. :'''Karai''': And you recklessly revealed your presence to the rodent! :'''Water Mystic''': We assure you, we have gained enough knowledge for our next assault. :'''Karai''': Then make it so! Otherwise, when I attack, I assure you it will be no illusion!! ==Aliens Among Us== :'''Agent Bishop''': ''(Narrating)'' For more years than I can remember I have stood watch. Preparing for a day I've long known was inevitable. The alien threat is real. And the world has suffered at the hand of these invaders. The world must be prepared it must always be vigilant. And I will make sure it is, no matter what the cost. ==Dragons Rising== * This marks the only appearance of Arnold Casey Jones Sr., the late father of [[w:Casey Jones (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Casey Jones]] in flashbacks <hr width=50%/> :'''[[w:Casey Jones (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Casey Jones]]''': ''(Narrating)'' You know, it's taken me quite a while, but I've really come a long way. I finally got my temper under control. However, there are still a few certain things that can really make my blood boil. Hun is one of them certain things. ''[Flashback to younger Hun and Casey]'' Me and him, we go way back. See, when I was a kid, a gang of street punks was shaking my old man down for protection money. It was Hun and the Purple Dragons. When my old man wouldn't pay him, they torched our store. :'''Hun''': ''[grabs young Casey]'' You tell your old man punk, Next time pay up or else. ''[drops young Casey and walks off with the Purple dragons gang as young Casey watches sadly flashbacks end]'' :'''Casey Jones''': ''(Narrating)'' Yeah, me and him, we still got a score to settle. No matter how I try to plan out this problem, the two of us are headed for a bad, bad, showdown. :''[Casey and Hun grapple with each other atop a truck moving at high speed.]'' :'''Casey Jones''': ''(Narrating)'' Who knows? Maybe I haven't come as far as I thought. <hr width=50%/> :'''Mrs. Jones''': Arnold, please. Is too dangerous. :'''Young Casey''': Please, Pops, don’t go. :'''Arnold Jones Sr.''': ''[squats down and places a hand on his son's shoulder.]'' I gotta, kiddo. I put everything we had into that store. I can’t just let them get away with this. I’m going to the police. :'''Young Casey''': But they said no cops. They said if you— :'''Arnold Jones Sr.''': Casey, sometimes you just gotta stand up for what’s right, even if the odds are against you. Even if you’re all alone. You gotta just stand up and do the right thing. <hr width=50%/> :''[Casey, Raphael, Michelangelo and Donatello are inside the Battle Shell and Leonardo stands behind the vehicle outside and crossed his arms]'' :'''Raphael''': Come on, Leo, get in. :'''Michelangelo''': Let’s go home, bro. ''[Leonardo doesn’t move]'' :'''Raph''': '''Now what!?''' ''[groans]'' :'''Leonardo''': ''[angrily]'' We ''didn't'' finish the job. We blew it. Again! '''We blew it!''' :'''Donatello''': We ''did'' the best we could. At least we stopped half the convoy. :'''Leo''': ''[angrily]'' '''Half'''. We stopped '''half'''. And only because we got lucky. ''[and looks at his brothers and Casey]'' Is that good enough for you? Is it!? We're always one step behind. We ''act'' like a bunch of '''amateurs'''! How many more times are we gonna get beaten before you guys '''wise up and realize''' <big><big>'''this isn't a game!?'''</big></big> ''[turns around and storms off alone]'' :'''Raph''': ''[stands up and flips the switch to close the back doors]'' I hate to admit it, but ''he'' ain't wrong. : ''[Donatello starts the Battle Shell and drives away, Casey walks up next to him]'' :'''Casey''': Hey, Donny, drive by the cemetery, will ya’? I got an important stop I need to make. <hr width=50%/> :''[Morning came as Donatello, Raphael and Michelangelo wait outside at the Battle Shell as Casey enters the cemetery, he walks up to his father’s grave]'' :'''Casey''': Hey, Pops, I brought ya’ something. ''[kneels and places the torn piece of jacket from Hun on the grave, the tombstone has a marker reads “Arnold Casey Jones Sr. Beloved Husband, Father and Friend.”]'' You spoke true, Pop. No matter what, you gotta stand up and do the right thing. But I guess I’m lucky. Even when the odds are against me, I ain’t alone. ''[stands up]'' I got friends. Good friends. :''[The three turtles stand together and watching him as the morning sun rises]'' ==Still Nobody== :'''Nobody''': ''(Narrating)'' Watching over the city, I have learned the sad truth that violence begins violence. They say nobody can break the cycle. That nobody cares. Nobody can do anything about it. Nobody tries to change things and they're right. Because I'm still Nobody and I do care. I will try to change things. I will make a difference. <hr width=50%/> :''[Elsewhere, the turtles are atop a skyscraper which is under construction.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Two-hundred and eight. ''[They are doing pull-ups on the support beams.]'' Two-hundred and nine. Two-ten. Two-eleven. :''[Someone’s shell cell starts to ring. Raphael and Donatello check theirs.]'' :'''Raphael''': Not mine. :'''Donatello''': Not mine. :'''Leonardo''': Don't stop. Mikey, you left your shell cell on. :'''Michelangelo''': I'm sorry mister 'I'm going to pump you up' Leonardo, but I didn’t know we'd be doing a pull-up marathon. ''[Donatello pops him on the back of the head.]'' Ow! :'''Raphael''': Whoa, Don. Don't smack Mikey. ''[He pops Michelangelo.]'' That's my job. :'''Michelangelo''': Hey! Do I look like a piñata? :'''Donatello''': ''[to Michelangelo]'' Just answer your phone. :'''Michelangelo''': Talk to the turtle. ''[They all continue the pull-ups.]'' Hey, long time no hear. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. No problem. We'll be there. :'''Raphael''': ''[to Michelangelo]'' Who was it? :'''Michelangelo''': Nobody. <hr width=50%/> :'''Fang''': Yes, Master Hun? :'''Hun''': Scratch Jencko and his Turks off of our list of possible recruits, and see if you can retrieve any of the hardware we sold that punk. ''[The limo arrives in front of the “Oroku Saki Memorial Library”.]'' Seems a shame to waste it. :''[Hun steps out of the limo.]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[Inside, people are milling about, talking to one another. Karai steps up to the podium in front of a large, draped object. Reporters begin taking pictures as the crowd quiets down.]'' :'''Karai''': Thank you all for coming to this dedication of the new Oroku Saki Memorial Library. One final gift from my late father to the city that he loved. ''[The drape is pulled off of a huge statue of Oroku Saki. Everyone applauds.]'' It is a great honor to dedicate my life to carrying on my father’s humanitarian efforts, even though he is gone, taken from us too soon. <hr width=50%/> :'''Hun''': ''(sarcastic)'' Lovely party, Karai. :'''Karai''': Hun. I did not expect to see you at this dedication. :'''Hun''': ''[stands up]'' Explain something to me, Karai! You do all this in the name of the Shredder. ''He'' was a alien slug! How could you have known that and still serve him?! :'''Karai''': The Shredder gave me a life. He was my father, and I vow in his name, and I will hunt down those who destroyed him and make them pay with their lives! ==All Hallows Thieves== :'''Raphael''': ''(Narrating)'' Halloween in New York City. One of my favorite times of the year. A day where no matter how odd, how freaky, or scary you might be, you fit in with everyone else. A day when girls and boys all over the city dress as their favorite monsters and heroes and get free candy. A day when even a teenage mutant ninja turtle can walk around in the open. Of course, some Halloweens are filled with more tricks than treats. Maybe this year, we should've stayed home and rented scary movies. ==Samurai Tourist== :'''Miyamoto Usagi''': ''(Narrating)'' The paths we walk in life are different for each of us. Some walk the land without a care in the world while some choose to take on burdens that would crush the spirits of most. The land cares little of which path you choose. But its inhabitants are another matter entirely. Clearly, this is not our land. Gennosuke and I came to visit old friends, but I fear now that our presence has done more harm than good. <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> :'''Splinter''': Thank you, Miyamoto Usagi. When I asked you to come, I hoped you could reach him, but I fear my son is now traveling down a difficult path. A path it seems he must travel alone. :'''Usagi''': I wish you good luck, Master Splinter. Farewell, my friends. ''[pushes Kojima into the portal.]'' :'''Gennosuke''': So long boys! ''[chuckling]'' :''[Gennosuke follows Usagi into the portal. Suddenly...]'' :'''Michelangelo''': ''[scream, appears on the upper landing.]'' Stop him! Don’t let him go! :'''Donatello''': Mikey? ''[The portal vanishes.]'' :'''Raphael''': What now, shell for brains? :'''Michelangelo''': My Silver Sentry comics. Gen, he-- he took ‘em. All of ‘em. '''No!''' ==The Ancient One== * This marks the debut appearance of the Ancient One. <hr width=50%/> :'''[[w:Leonardo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Leonardo]]''': ''(Narrating)'' I've traveled thousands of miles looking for an answer, only to wind up here, halfway across the world in the middle of nowhere, battling it out with four nasty creatures, more ghosts than man, but who's steel is all too real. Meanwhile, my traveling companion, some gross slob who attached himself to me like a bloated tick, doesn't do a thing to help out. He just sits there, grinning like a fool, leaving me to fight for both our lives. I've journeyed all across the world in search for answers, and instead, all I'm gonna get is my head chopped off. <hr width=50%/> :''[The episode begins inside the turtles’ lair, as Leonardo and Splinter spar.]'' :'''Leonardo''': I already told you, I’m fine. :'''Master Splinter''': You are sure?! :''[Michelangelo lowers his comic book and grimaces.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Nothing’s the matter, Sensei. Why do you keep asking me that?! :'''Master Splinter''': So much anger. The unopened bottle will burst when its internal pressure becomes too much to bear. ''[Donatello spots Raphael at the weight bench.]'' For months now you have been brooding, surly, and stubborn. :''[Donatello appears worried.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Yeah, right. :''[Donatello and Raphael glance at one another. Shift to Splinter and Leonardo, who are sparring with swords.]'' :'''Master Splinter''': You have not been yourself. You must release what festers within you. Your family will help you, Leonardo. It is important that we be open with one another. :''[Leonardo attacks and manages to disarm Splinter. He then angrily confronts his father.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Open?! Okay, this Katana lesson stinks! I've mastered this years ago! '''YEARS AGO'''!! :'''Master Splinter''': ''[stares at him and then retrieves the sword.]'' It is not the students choice to say when a lesson is learned. ''[He attacks.]'' The student’s place is to listen and learn. :''[The sparring grows fierce and the other turtles gather to watch.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Something tells me the cork’s about to pop on that unopened bottle. :'''Raphael''': That hothead. ''[Donatello and Michelangelo look at him]'' I hate it when Leo reminds me of me. :'''Leonardo''': I've already mastered this lesson! ''[shoves Splinter.]'' And yesterday's lesson! And the lesson before that! '''WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO TEACH ME''' ''[disarms Splinter.]'' '''SOMETHING I DON'T ALREADY KNOW?!!!''' ''[slashes at Splinter and slices his head. The other turtles run to their father as he drops to one knee and grabs his head.]'' :'''Donatello''': Master Splinter! :'''Michelangelo''': Are you okay? ''[Leonardo drops his sword.]'' :'''Raphael''': Leo! What the shell is your problem!? :'''Leonardo''': ''[shoves past Raphael]'' Master! ''[and Donatello]'' Master, I’m so sorry. I-I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just… I just lost control. ''[He hangs his head.]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[Later, Master Splinter kneels in his room, which is candle lit. There is a bandage on his head. Leonardo stands in the doorway.]'' :'''Splinter''': Sit down, my son. :''[Leonardo enters, slides the door shut, and kneels before his father.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Master, I-I don’t know what to say. :'''Splinter''': Say nothing, listen. We were all badly wounded in our final confrontation with the Shredder. Your brothers and I have healed, but you have not. I have meditated long and hard on this matter, and now realize that you are correct. :'''Leonardo''': Huh? :'''Splinter''': It is time for you to move on. It is time for you to study with a new sensei. :'''Leonardo''': But-but, Master, I don’t want a new sensei. I’m happy here with you. ''[Donatello, Michelangelo and Raphael are listening at the door.]'' I know there’s so much more that you can teach me. :'''Splinter''': No, my son. It is as it must be. ''[Both stand and Splinter goes to the shelves on his back wall.]'' Now, there is but one master in all the world that I would entrust my son’s well-being to. He is wise, honorable, and highly skilled. He is called the Ancient One, ''[He looks at a picture of Hamato Yoshi.]'' and he was the sensei to my sensei, Hamato Yoshi. You must make a pilgrimage, a pilgrimage halfway across the world. :'''Leonardo''': But, Sensei… :'''Splinter''': Come, let us prepare you for your journey. <hr width=50%/> :''[He pushes Leonardo back and swings at him. As Leonardo fights, he has a flashback to Donatello, aboard Shredder’s starship during [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) (season 3)|Exodus part 2]], as the engine starts to overload.]'' :'''Donatello''': Help me! I’m hurt! ''[echoes]'' :'''Michelangelo''': We’re not gonna make it! Leo, help me! ''[echoes]'' :'''Raphael''': Leo, the Shredder’s coming for us! You gotta do something! ''[echoes]'' :'''Splinter''': Save us, Leonardo! We are all counting on you, my son. ''[echoes]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Ancient One''': If there was nothing more you could have done, why do you punish yourself so? :'''Leonardo''': I finally understand. ''[He turns and walks back to the short man and then drops to one knee.]'' Ancient One. I am honored. :'''Ancient One''': Took you long enough, Leonardo. <hr width=50%/> :'''Ancient One''': Now, Leonardo, tell an old man just what it is you think you have learned. ''[hands a bowl to Leonardo.]'' :'''Leonardo''': I guess I’ve been… I’ve been obsessed with failing. I hardened my heart like a rock; wrapped up inside my own shell. Trying to be perfect; thinking I wasn’t good enough, that I needed to be better. So angry… so…. ''[The Ancient One raps him on the head with a bamboo stick.]'' Ow! What? :'''Ancient One''': Too many words. Explain simply. :'''Leonardo''': I’ve been my own worst enemy. :'''Ancient One''': Much better. Now, relax and enjoy your tea, and let me tell you a tale of Master Yoshi. Yoshi found himself at a crossroads, not dissimilar to your own. ==Scion of the Shredder== * [[w:Karai (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Karai]] assumes the legacy of her adopted Utrom father and becomes the new Shredder and the Ninja Turtles' sworn enemy, especially toward Leo. <hr width=50%/> :'''Donatello''': ''(Narrating)'' I've been worried a lot lately. For starters, I'm worried about the Foot. They're back... and they're tougher than ever. And... I'm worried about my brother, Leonardo. He's on a quest to parts unknown, and I'm worried he's not gonna find what he's been looking for. But mostly... I'm worried that Leo won't find us alive when he gets back. Master Splinter tells me that I worry too much. Okay, you tell me. Should I be worried? <hr width=50%/> :''[The episode opens inside the turtles’ lair. Raphael is working out on his punching bag. Donatello is strapped into a harness, suspended over the Shell Sub where he is doing some welding. Michelangelo is seated on the couch with Klunk next to him. He is stacking playing cards while Master Splinter looks on.]'' :'''Splinter''': That is an impressive edifice, Michelangelo. Dare I ask how many hours you have spent building it? :'''Michelangelo''': Good question, Sensei. Hey, Raph, what time is it? :'''Raphael''': Like I wear a watch? How should I know? Hey, Donny, what time is it? :'''Donatello''': Beats me. Ask Leo. ''[He cuts off the welding torch and his brothers stop what they are doing. Splinter lowers his head with a sigh.]'' Sorry. Leo’s been gone more than two months and I still forget he’s not here. :'''Raphael''': Master Splinter, when’s that bum coming back anyway? :''[Donatello and Raphael walk over to join the others.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': And is Leo coming back normal, or like, more normal? ‘Cause before he left he was acting kinda, you know... ''[He twirls a finger next to his temple and Raphael slaps the back of his head.]'' Ow! Hey! :'''Splinter''': I do not know, my sons. Leonardo is on a pilgrimage to find the Ancient One, and to find answers. Such things are beyond time. :'''Donatello''': Well, I miss having him around. :'''Splinter''': As do we all. We must have faith that he will return when he is ready. <hr width=50%/> :'''Ancient One''': Leonardo, your family is in grave danger. :'''Leonardo''': What?! ''[jumps up and leaps over to join the Ancient One, who nods at him.]'' I understand, Sensei. <hr width=50%/> :'''Michelangelo''': Um, what is that? :''[The turtles pull their weapons. Klunk curls around Michelangelo’s ankle.]'' :'''Raphael''': Whatever it is, it’s coming through the front door! :''[The banging continues and the heavily fortified lair entrance bulges. The lair shakes and stones fall. The door shifts to one side and a brace rips loose, then the door falls. Splinter and the turtles rush towards the ramp and watch as two huge Foot mechs, called Shrednauts, crash through the wall and enter the lair. The Shrednauts pause and Foot ninja run into the lair.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': What the...? The Foot! :'''Donatello''': But how? How did ''they'' find us? :'''Raphael''': Don’t matter how they found us, '''they''' found us. Now let’s kick the shell out of ‘em! ''[He rushes to meet some advancing ninja.]'' '''Get... out... of... my house!!''' <hr width=50%/> :'''Raphael''': Oh, shell! :'''Donatello''': No way! It can’t be him! :'''Michelangelo''': Master Splinter, any chance this is just another mystical attack? :'''Splinter''': No, my son, this is real. All too real. :'''Donnie''': The Shredder! But, the Utroms sentenced him to exile. :'''Raph''': Yeah? Well, it didn’t take. :''[The dust around the Shredder swirls and then the four Foot Elite appear.]'' :'''Karai''': Oroku Saki is gone, thanks to you, but the Shredder lives on! ''[She removes her helmet to reveal herself.]'' :'''Donnie''': Karai! :'''Splinter''': So the daughter of Oroku Saki has become the Shredder. Why? :'''Karai''': Honor demands it, Splinter-san. After you helped the vile Utroms exile my father, I vowed to avenge his honor! :'''Splinter''': You dare speak of honor!? Your father murdered my Master Yoshi! Your father had no honor! :'''Karai''': You will pay for your lie! ''All of you!!'' Where is Leonardo?! :'''Raph''': ''He'' ain't here! :'''Mikey''': You know, you just missed him, but if you leave right now, we'll tell him that you stopped by. :'''Karai''': You mock me. The fact that you still live mocks me!! ''[She dons the helmet.]'' That all ends now! ''Destroy them!'' Leave no one alive. <hr width80%> :'''Splinter''': Master Yoshi's orb. ''[Karai brakes it]'' No!! :'''Karai''': Your sons destroyed my father! Now I will repay them in kind! I begged Leonardo to let him go, but ''he'' would not listen to reason!! :'''Splinter''': It is ''you'' who has been blinded to reason! Oroku Saki was a murderer! But ''you'' will ''not'' allow yourself to see the truth!! :'''Karai''': I see clearly, rat! and you will pay for what you have done to me! :''[They fight.]'' :'''Splinter''': I reached out to you! I hoped that you would turn away from evil, but I can see now that has consumed you!! ''[Karai slashes his shoulder.]'' Ugh! ''[steps back]'' You are faster than your father. I will give you that, but your dark heart will betray you, just as ''his'' did!! :''[She strikes him hard enough to expel him from the room. Karai stalks towards him as Splinter lays on the ground.]'' :'''Karai''': You are not even worthy to speak of my father, rodent!! ''[grabs him by his robe and lifts him off the ground.]'' I will silence your treacherous tongue once and for all!! ''[She draws back an arm to strike. Raphael pushes himself up from the ground and sees them.]'' :'''Raphael''': '''NO!!''' :'''Donatello''': Master Splinter! :''[Raphael races forward and leaps at Karai, who spins around and hits him, dropping Splinter in the process. Donatello runs at her and jumps, kicking her to the ground, which causes Karai to lose her helmet. She doesn’t move and Donatello helps Splinter stand up. He is joined by Raphael and Michelangelo.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Master Splinter! :'''Donatello''': We have to get out of here. :''[They all spin around at another loud crashing sound, to find the lair filled with enemies, all of them staring at the mutant family.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Uh, easier said than done. :'''Raphael''': Donnie, you take Master Splinter with you. We split up, get out, and hook back up again topside. Got it? ''[They jump as a Shrednaut strikes the ledge they were on.]'' Now let’s go! And guys, be careful. <hr width80%> :'''Michelangelo''': Klunk? ''[Klunk meow]'' Where are you, Klunk? ''[He ducks a laser blast and then looks up to see Klunk standing on an overhead rafter.]'' Ah! Hang on, Klunk, I’m coming! ''[He leaps and climbs until he reaches the cat.]'' I got you pal. Mikey’s here. :''[He picks up Klunk and then spots a Shrednaut taking aim at him. It fires and Michelangelo jumps for a rope, which he climbs while Klunk clings to his shell. Still dodging blasts from the Shrednaut, Michelangelo leaps for a fire escape ladder which he rides down to the floor below. Jumping off the ladder, he hops from Foot ninja to Foot ninja, bouncing off of their shoulders, before spin kicking one down and landing on the ground. He turns to find a Shrednaut aiming at him. Michelangelo darts between the legs of another Shrednaut and rolls to a stop at a ramp. Holding Klunk, he runs as a Shrednaut pulverizes a support column and the rocks tumble down. Michelangelo races into the next room and the Shrednaut follows. Parked along one wall is the Turtle Tunneler. Michelangelo is inside with Klunk.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Don’t worry, Klunk. I’ve got a plan. ''[Klunk hops into his lap.]'' Here we go. :''[He starts the Tunneler’s engine and fires up the front laser drill. As he drives towards a back wall, the Shrednaut opens fire. The Tunneler drills its way into the sewer tunnels and drives away, but the Shrednaut enters the tunnel and gives chase.]'' <hr width80%> :''[Meanwhile, the elevator reaches the garage above the lair. When the elevator door opens, Raphael walks out slowly, and then drops to all fours, breathing hard. Behind him, the Foot ninja are all unconscious. Suddenly the garage door opens and Raphael looks up to see more Foot ninja approaching.]'' :'''Raphael''': You gotta be kidding me. :''[The Foot ninja race towards him and Raphael jumps up to run for the Battle Shell. He enters just as the ninja throw several throwing stars at him, all of them hitting the door. Raphael starts the engine and then fires a missile at the Foot ninja blocking the door. With the path cleared, Raphael drives out of the garage and onto the city streets.]'' <hr width80%> :''[Meanwhile, Karai is still inside the lair.]'' :'''Karai''': In the name of Oroku Saki, ''Find them!!'' They must not be allowed to live. ''[The Foot bow to her and run to do her bidding.]'' And tear this filthy place apart, Leave nothing standing! :''[The Shrednauts begin firing, taking down support pillars and blasting the ceiling with missiles. Karai laughs as the turtles’ home is destroyed.]'' <hr width80%> :''[To the river, where Donatello, piloting the Shell Sub, is trying to shake his pursuers. The Foot fire torpedoes.]'' :'''Donatello''': Hold on, Master Splinter. :''He pulls back hard on the steering column and the Shell Sub goes straight up. The torpedoes hit each other and explode. The Foot manage to get in front of him and one fires his torpedoes, scoring a direct hit on the underbelly of the Shell Sub. The sub flips over, water beginning to drip into the interior.'' :'''Donatello''': I don’t have enough firepower to fight all of them. Unless… ''[glances at a set of controls.]'' Hang on, Master Splinter. I’ve got an idea. :''[He presses a set of buttons and the Shell Sub rights itself. Torpedoes launch and fire directly into the river bottom, where they raise a dust cloud. Donatello manages to keep the sub upright and land it at the center of the dust cloud. River bottom dirt covers the sub as it settles on the bottom. The Foot converge on the spot where it went down. Inside, Donatello forces open the door and water floods into the cabin. He gives the diving gear to Splinter and then takes a deep breath before kicking a gear and then swimming out of the sub. Suddenly, the Shell Sub emerges and shoots straight upwards. Donatello and Splinter peek up out of the dirt to watch the Foot go after it and fire multiple torpedoes, all of which hit the sub. It explodes, and the remains sink to the river bottom.]'' :'''Underwater Foot Ninja''': Mistress Karai, Donatello and the rat have been destroyed. :'''Karai''': ''[on radio]'' Excellent. Most excellent. :''[The Foot leave. Donatello and Splinter pass the breathing mask back and forth as they swim for the surface.]'' <hr width80%> :''[Michelangelo punches through a wall with the Tunneler and enters the subway tunnels. He drives straight across tracks and drills through another wall to reach another sewer tunnel, with the Shrednaut in hot pursuit. he opens the door]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Hang on, Klunk! ''[jumps out of the Tunneler and dives for cover in the side tunnel. The Tunneler speeds away with the Shrednaut in pursuit. The Shrednaut fires several missiles and hits the Tunneler, which rolls over and crashes.]'' :'''Foot Technician''': Foot Mech Four to Base. Michelangelo is finished. :'''Karai''': ''[on radio]'' Excellent. :''[Michelangelo runs away from the area, carrying Klunk with him.]'' <hr width80%> :'''Karai''': ''[Cut to an overhead view of the city.]'' All that remains is Leonardo. ==Prodigal Son== * Leo becomes less trustful towards Karai since this episode. However, he still appears to have feelings for her as he spared her life. <hr width80%> :'''[[w:Karai (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Karai]]''': ''(Praying)'' Honorable father, though you are imprisoned among the stars, I bring you news that will set free your soul. I, your humble daughter, Karai, discovered the lair of your most hated enemies and led a full Foot attack force against them. Utterly defeated, all they could was flee. Donatello and the rat we left destroyed at the bottom of the river. Michelangelo tried to burrow his way into safety, but he could not dig deep enough to escape my wrath. And Raphael was blown to smithereens in the turtles' own Battle Shell. All that remains is Leonardo, father, and once I find him, then you will truly and forever be avenged! <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': Man! I really missed this old place. ''[sees the ruins of the Lair]'' Oh no, the lair!! ''[strips off his coat and draws a katana before entering.]'' No!! What happened here!? ''[picks up a broken Shell Cell, looks around, and continues on, finding that the lair has almost been completely destroyed. Poised on a ledge above, a Shrednaut’s lights come on. It captures Leonardo’s presence in its view screen and jumps down in front of him. The Foot Technician inside the Shrednaut opens fire, but Leonardo leaps to safety and pulls his second sword.]'' '''You dare come into my home and do this?!!''' ''[jumps at the control pod where the Technician sits and slices into it, causing the Shrednaut to tumble backwards and power down. Leonardo then slices open the harness which holds the Technician in his seat. Leonardo spots the emblem on the Technician’s shirt.]'' The Foot. ''[grabs the Technician by the shirt front and lifts him.]'' '''My family, where are they?!!''' :'''Foot Technician''': You’ll get nothing from me! :''[He presses a button and sparks begin to fly from the Shrednaut’s body. Leonardo leaps away and the Technician flees the machine. Leonardo races out of the lair as the Shrednaut overloads and explodes. The explosion sends Leonardo flying partway down the tunnel, but he is unhurt.]'' :'''Leonardo''': I need some answers. <hr width=50%/> :'''April O'Neil''': ''[from her warning note]'' Leo, I'm so sorry. I not sure what to say, the others are... Karai said she got them all. ''She'' left this. She says your next. Be careful. :'''Leonardo''': No! It can't be! Karai is ''lying!'' They’re alive, I know it! <hr width=50%/> :''[At the Foot Headquarters. A helicopter comes in for a landing and Karai steps out. A Foot ninja meets her and delivers a report.]'' :'''Foot Ninja''': Mistress Karai, we just received the report. The Shrednaut unit stationed in the turtles’ lair was destroyed. :'''Karai''': Leonardo. Deploy all available Foot ninja. Search the city. ''Destroy him!'' ''[The ninja bows and leaves.]'' This night my beloved father will truly be avenged! <hr width=50%/> :''[Leonardo enters an abandoned building through the broken skylight. Behind him, Donatello sees only a shadowed form and draws his bō. Hearing the sound, Leonardo draws a sword and spins around.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Donny? It’s me. :'''Donatello''': Ah, Leo. ''[limps towards his brother.]'' You’re back! :''[They shake hands in greeting.]'' :'''Leonardo''': You okay? :'''Splinter''': My son. :'''Leonardo''': Master Splinter. ''[His father comes out of the shadows, holding his side.]'' I knew it. I knew you were both alive. Don’t worry, Sensei, everything’s gonna be okay. I promise. :'''Donatello''': Oh man, it’s good to see you, bro’. :'''Leonardo''': We have to get both of you out of here before any more Foot show up. <hr width=50%/> :''[Cut to a long range view of {{w|Belvedere Castle}}. A manhole cover slides into place on a trail in {{w|Central Park}}. In the tunnels below, Leonardo leads the way, illuminating their path with his flashlight.]'' :'''Leonardo''': We need to find a safe place for you two to rest and recuperate. Some place far from the old lair. ''[He brushes the dirt off of a sign which reads “Reservoir Pump Station”. Following the arrow on the sign, the trio find a boarded up entrance. he removes the boards and then opens the metal door. He flashes the light around before descending a short set of stairs onto a metal catwalk. The space is huge, with catwalks leading in several directions.]'' This oughta do for now. :'''Donatello''': This must be one of the earlier pumping stations for the reservoir. I think I’ve seen it on some of the old city planning. ''[He looks around at the expansive space and whistles.]'' Very nice! :'''Splinter''': Leonardo, now that Donatello and I are safe… :'''Leonardo''': I’m already on it, Master Splinter. I’ll find them. ''[He races out of the station.]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Raphael''': I ''can't'' believe Karai did this to '''''us!''''' I can't believe ''she'' and the Foot tooked '''''our home!''''' :'''Leonardo''': Listen, Raph, nothing is permanent. We have to flow with change. :'''Master Splinter''': Perhaps Leonardo has learned a thing or two from the Ancient One. ''[He and Leonardo look at one another.]'' Yes, I can see it in your eyes. I have my son back. And I can see something else in your eyes. Please be careful, my son. She will be well guarded, and her skills are much improved. :'''Leonardo''': So are mine, sensei. I’ll be fine, I promise. Now, get some rest. I’m gonna go get some food and supplies. I’ll be back. :'''Raphael''': Hey, Leo, bring back some sodas or something. :'''Michelangelo''': And some pizza and Chinese food ''[Klunk meow]'' and some kibble. <hr width=50%/> :''[Karai is inside the Oroku Saki Memorial Library in full Shredder armor, sans the helmet. She approaches Oroku Saki’s statue, kneels and removes the covering from a katana. This she places in the stand which is at the feet of the statue. As soon as she sets the sword in place, the “Sewer Sweet Sewer” plaque whips through the air and impales the sword stand.]'' :'''Leonardo''': ''[coldly]'' Hello, Karai. Got your message. :'''Karai''': I am impressed. Security here is very tight, yet here you are, undetected. :''[Leonardo hops down and takes up a defensive posture.]'' :'''Leonardo''': So, you are the new Shredder? :''[Karai places the helmet on her head and turns.]'' :'''Karai''': Yes. ''[draws her sword]'' And I am your doom! :''[Leonardo pulls one of his swords as well.]'' :'''Leonardo:''' You have gone too far this time, Karai!! :'''Karai:''' Not far enough! Not until you lie broken and battered at my feet! Only then will my father truly be avenged! Make no mistake, Leonardo, son of Splinter, hated enemy of my father. Your path ends here! :''[leaps at him and he rushes to meet her attack. Their swords clash and they push against each other.]'' :'''Leonardo:''' I remember when we first met, Karai! We fought side by side and I said you were nothing like the Shredder! ''[He falls back, pulling her down and rolling until she is on her back and he is standing over her.]'' I thought you understood honor, but I was wrong! ''You're exactly like him!! You understand '''nothing!!''''' :''[She kicks him off, but he does a handspring and regains his feet. Leonardo catches her sword on his and quickly disarms her, sending her sword flying onto the arms of the statue. She takes a swing at him, but he ducks and pulls her second sword from her belt.]'' :'''Karai''': No, you will pay. You must pay! ''[She tries to slash him with her Tekkō-kagi, but he ducks. Karai squats and launches the weighted end of her Manriki-gusari at him. It wraps around the handle of her stolen sword and she flips backwards, her weight pulling the weapon from his hand. She throws the sword behind her and drops the hook end of the Manriki-gusari into her other hand. Spinning it, she charges and throws the weapon. Leonardo pulls his second katana, leaps, and slices through the chain.]'' No! I must have my revenge! ''[She runs but Leonardo pursues. As she turns, he flips through the air at her, slicing several times. Karai’s helmet falls into several pieces, shocking her.]'' :'''Leonardo:''' Your own anger defeats you, Karai. ''[stands with his back to her.]'' You remind me of a Turtle I used to know. :'''Karai:''' ''[takes a couple of steps back, and grabs the communication device from her belt.]'' Security to the library… ''[Before she can finish, Leonardo slashes across the device, destroying it. As it falls, Leonardo, who has gotten behind her, places his katana near her head. He taps on her shoulder with the sword and she drops to her knees.]'' Go ahead. Do it! Finish me! :'''Leonardo:''' No. ''[Still kneeling, Karai turns as he sheathes his swords.]'' I'm giving you one last chance to do the right thing, Karai. Don't waste it. ''[walks over to Saki’s statue.]'' And Karai, ''[leaps]'' ''stay away [grabs Saki’s sword] from my '''family!!''''' ''[slashes at the statue and tosses the sword so that it sticks into the floor in front of Karai. As he races away]'' :''[The statue’s head falls, having been sliced away from the body. It bounces and rolls across the floor, coming to a stop in front of Karai. Suddenly the room is flooded with Foot ninjas.]'' :'''Foot Ninja''': Mistress Karai! Is everything all right?! :''[Karai looks up to see two of the upper window panels flapping in the breeze.]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[Leonardo returns to the new lair carrying a duffel bag.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Did someone mention food? ''[takes two containers from the bag.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Chinese food for breakfast? ''[He and Donatello both catch a container.]'' Works for me. :''[Kneeling, Leonardo hands a container of food to Raphael and then stands to walk over to Splinter.]'' :'''Leonardo''': I’ve checked it out and this seems like a safe place, Master Splinter. We could stay here, maybe even fix it up a bit. :'''Splinter''': It is as the great sage, Shinto Sakamoto said, home is where you hang your hat. :''[Leonardo kneels before him and takes an ornate walking stick from his bag.]'' :'''Leonardo''': This walking stick is said to have come from a very ancient and mystic tree. ''[He presents the stick to Splinter, who takes it from him.]'' I got it with the Ancient One. I’ve carried it all this way for you. :'''Splinter''': Ah, a very gracious gift. ''[They bow to one another.]'' Thank you, Leonardo. Welcome home. ==Outbreak== :'''Agent Bishop''': ''(Narrating)'' For too long, our world, our history, has been influenced by extraterrestrial threats. I know this all too well. My purpose has always been clear: Defend against the threat. Rebuild humanity to resist invasion. It hasn't always been easy. There are tough choices that need to be made. Someone has to stop this alien plague. It was a vow I made long ago. And I intend to keep it. <hr width=50%/> :'''Michelangelo''': Ugh. Next time I’ll take lookout duty. :'''Raphael''': Great. More of Karai's Foot ninja. We should be out hunting them, not the other way around. :'''Leonardo''': We’ll handle Karai, Raph, but on our terms, not hers. We’ll handle whatever comes our way. <hr width=50%/> :'''Raphael''': You okay, bro’? ''[helps Donatello up.]'' :'''Donatello''': Thanks. :'''Michelangelo''': Don, Raph, watch out! :''[They turn to see several tentacles shooting towards them. Raphael shoves Donatello out of the way.]'' :'''Raphael''': Move! :''[Raphael avoids the tentacles, but one of the spikes strikes Donatello’s thigh.]'' :'''Donatello''': Oh! :''[Raphael pins the tentacle with his sai.]'' :'''Donatello''': My leg. :'''Raphael''': You okay? :'''Donatello''': Yeah, just a nick. Uh, thanks again. ==Trouble with Augie== * This marks the only appearance of Professor August O'Neil, an uncle of [[w:April O'Neil|April O'Neil]] and is the only appearance of Robyn O'Neil, a sister of April. <hr width=50%/> :'''April O'Neil''': ''(Narrating)'' The man in the hat is my uncle Augie. Uncle Augie didn't just teach me math and science, he taught me to love them. If it wasn't for him, I never would've have gotten my college degree in math. Uncle Augie was always coming and going, off on adventures, but we made the most of our time together. Then one day, uncle Augie just disappeared and he never came back. I'd give anything to see my uncle Augie again. I know he's alive and somehow, someway, I'm going to find him. <hr width=50%/> :'''Mikey''': Especially since Karai the new miss Shredder showed up at your shop. ==Insane in the Membrane== * This marks the only appearance of Baxter Stockman's mother in flashbacks. <hr width=50%/> :''[Montage of Stockman's accomplishments accompanied by his voice over]'' :'''[[w:Baxter Stockman|Baxter Stockman]]''': ''(Narrating)'' Once, long ago, I, Dr. Baxter Stockman, was a whole man. With a brilliant mind and an able body! In the scientific community, I was unequalled! Throughout the world, I was renowned, revered, worshipped! But it all went wrong, horribly, horribly wrong. My genius fell under the control of cruel-minded brutes. :''[Flashback of Shredder ordering Hun to drag Stockman away.]'' :'''Baxter Stockman''': No, '''NOOOOOOOOOO!''' :''[We see Hun, from Stockman's POV, thrusting a saw in his face, and the image shatters as it makes contact. A montage of Stockman's various injuries plays until we see him as just a brain in a jar]'' :'''Baxter Stockman''': ''(Narrating)'' They whittled me away, piece by piece, limb by limb, until I was reduced to nearly nothing. ''[Stockman, in his deteriorated form, approaches the camera menacingly]'' But those simpletons aren't to blame. I finally know who's responsible for my downfall, and now, with my new body, I will finally have my revenge! <hr width=50%/> :'''Baxter Stockman''': [Driven to madness and desperation] This experiment is a catastrophe. (As he slams his hands on the floor which it cracks) Uh! HOW could I have been so stupid? Why was I in such a rush? Why didn't I listen to agent Bishop? [Rips off his lab coat in rage] WHY?! Why am I a failure, my whole life?! Oh, mama. I made such promise. (Reminiscing) Where did it all go wrong?! Where? ''[The scene turns red and blue as all of Stockman's enemies appear in his mind, reminscing his time with them. First, we cut to Shredder and some Baxter's injuries.]'' A horrible degradation at the hands of the Shredder. ''[Cut to Hun, who looks grumpily at camera with Purple Dragons behind his back.]'' His horrific bug, Hun! ''[Cut to the turtles]'' And those despicable turtles! No! No! [Camera pans to April, who points at something and then...] Before then… It was her! I trusted her and ''she'' betrayed me! ''[Cut to the turtles (in shadows) and April. Raphael is seen kicking robot Stockman.]'' SHE brought in those turtles and ruined everything, my glorious mousers failed because of her and that failure is what brought the Shredder's wrath down upon me! Yes! She's responsible, ''she'' did this to me. (He picks up the whole table, throws at machinery and brakes) And ''she'' is the one who will pay!! <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> <hr width=50%/> :'''Casey Jones''': He just busted in he knocked me out when I woke up they were gone, all I remember is him saying something about going back to where this all started. :'''Raphael''': Where it all started? :'''Leonardo''': Stocktronics, ''[To Stockman continues to carry April to his old lab building now abandoned, offscreen]'' the lab where he and April first worked together it has to be. <hr width=50%/> :'''Mrs. Stockman''': Baxter, ''[coughing]'' I'm sorry baby doll Mama's just worn out, I guess this old body just can't take it, I so wanted to see you grow up and be a fine man, I did ''[coughing]'' Remember the sky's the limit for you boy, I love you Baxter. ''[dies]'' :'''Young Baxter Stockman''': No, Mama! Don't leave me. Mama! Mama! <hr width=50%/> :'''Leo''': Let her go, Stockman! :'''Baxter Stockman''': April? You, you betrayed me! :'''Donnie''': Run, April! Get out of here! :'''Baxter Stockman''': No! She can't leave, I forbid it! :'''Mikey''': You asked for it, Dr. Stockman-Stein! <hr width=50%/> :'''Raph''': There they are! :'''Mikey''': On the cable car! <hr width=50%/> :'''Stockman''': Now we can finally set things right. :'''April''': Doctor Stockman, please don’t this, can you remember when your work helped people when it was about the science? You were a brilliant man the sky was the limit for you Doctor Stockman. :'''Stockman''': ''[starts hallucinating again.]'' Mama? ''[sees April as his mother.]'' :'''Baxter Stockman's mother''': The sky was the limit you were such a good boy, you had so much potential, what happened to you baby doll? ''[sees her as herself again]'' :'''April''': You were someone I admired, someone I respected and you can be again. :'''Baxter Stockman''': Mama what have I done? :''[The coupling of the cable car continues to break]'' :'''April''': Doctor. :''[Stockman hallucinates April as his mother again.]'' :'''Baxter Stockman's mother''': Baxter. :'''April''': Please. :''[The cable car shakes and she trips backwards.]'' :'''Baxter Stockman''': (gasps) Mama, Mama. :'''Casey''': April! :'''Baxter Stockman''': ''[still hallucinates April as his mother]'' Mama. You've got to get off of here, Mama it's not safe. ''[He comes to April and picks her, Casey climbs down the cable and grabs April.]'' Hurry Mama, ''[Casey places his around April and they both look at Stockman]'' hurry! I love you, Mama! I… ''[The coupling brakes from the cable and the cable car falls in to the river]'' I… Ahhh! :''[The slash is heard as April cries over Stockman's "death", the turtles pull the cable getting Casey and April to safety inside the copter.]'' :'''Mikey''': Man, you think that's the end of Stockman? :'''Leo''': We've seen him come back from worse. Only time will tell. :'''Raph''': Well, I say it good riddance! That psycho's giving us nothing, but grief, ever since we met him! :'''Donnie''': I dunno, at least he gave us this neat chopper... sort of. Now, let's just find a place to park it. ==Return of Savanti== ===Part 1 [4.20]=== :'''Donatello''': ''(Narrating)'' My name is Donatello and right now I can't help but think of an old saying: Be careful what you wish for. All my life, I've been fascinated with what they call "terrible lizards" and "thunder beasts". Dinosaurs. But now, amazingly, I got my wish. Here I am in the Cretaceous Period, 65 million years ago, finally seeing them with my own two eyes, while running for my life. So be careful what you wish for, or, just like the dinosaurs, you might find yourself facing sudden extinction. ===Part 2 [4.21]=== :'''Savanti Romero''': ''(Narrating)'' Eons ago, I was on the verge of ultimate power. With the omnipotent Time Scepter, I, Savanti Romero, was going to rule all of time. That is, until Lord Simultaneous thwarted my plan. He turned me into a monster and exiled me from null time to Earth's Middle Ages where he hoped never to hear from me again. But instead, I plotted: Summoning all my magic, I tried again to take the time scepter and use it against Lord Simultaneous. But thanks to the interference of those accursed ninja turtles and that foolish timestress Renet, my victory was denied and Simultaneous exiled me once more, even further in time to Earth's Cretaceous Period, but that did not stop me. Again, I gathered my magic and lured my prey back through time. Savanti Romero will not be denied his revenge. The timestress will pay for her meddling. The time scepter will finally be mine. As for the turtles, they have no idea of the changes that are about to befall them. ==Tale of Master Yoshi== * This marks the only appearance of [[w:Tang Shen|Tang Shen]], and Yukio Mashimi in flashbacks. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' Honor. Integrity. Bushido. These were the ideals that drove Master Splinter's beloved master: Hamato Yoshi. He had traveled far to reach this castle fortress only to find four Foot elite warriors barring his way. But four or four hundred, it mattered not for on this particular night, Yoshi was driven by a powerful force unfamiliar to him. Hatred. Hatred that burned so bright it threatened to destroy him. Hatred born out of the need for revenge. <hr width=50%/> :'''Donatello''': I know! Maybe Leo should tell us about the Ancient One. :'''Raphael''': Yeah, Leo. I want to know the other things you learned on how to kick butt. :'''Leonardo''': Well, I wouldn't know where to start, but there is one story I think you might want to hear... about Master Splinter's master, Hamato Yoshi. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': It's a story about a girl. :'''Raphael''': A girl? Does she kick butt? :'''Master Splinter''': Raphael. Please, continue, Leonardo. :'''Leo''': Okay. Our story begins long ago in the 1960s. Japan was just getting back on its feet. :'''Michelangelo''': After an attack by [[Godzilla]]? :'''Leo''': No. After its defeat in [[w:World War II|World War II]]. It was not uncommon to see young orphaned boys in the streets, begging for food and money. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' So the Ancient One took Yoshi and his friend into his home, and trained them in the ways of ninjitsu, and treated them as if they were his own sons. As they grew into young men, they became closer than brothers, best of friends who do everything together. They even fell in love at the same time, with the same girl - [[w:Tang Shen|Tang Shen]]. They were crazy about her. Tang Shen was also an orphan raised by the Ancient One. It was her loving care that made the Ancient One's house into a home and that often brought unexpected visitors to her kitchen. :'''Tang Shen''': Mashimi, no! :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' But Tang Shen saw a hungry innocent creature and, as always, her first thought was to care for it. She decided to keep the curious rat as a pet. Seeing that Tang Shen had grown fond of the hungry little visitor, Yoshi had built a home for the newest member of their family. Although, Tang Shen had captured both the boys' hearts, it was clear that her heart belonged to only one of them - Yoshi. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' But the Ancient One was dead set against it. :'''Ancient One''': Ha, no. The Guardians are no place for you. You must ''not'' do this. Yoshi, a different destiny awaits you. Neither of you are ready. You need much more training. :'''Yukio Mashimi''': Sensei, we are more than ready. :'''Ancient One''': In body perhaps, but it is your heart and mind that still need training, my son. :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': The Guardians are an honorable force for good, Sensei. I want to help them. :''[Tang Shen peers through the doorway into the dojo.]'' :'''Ancient One''': No. I forbid you to ''join'' the Guardians. ''[leaves]'' That is my ''final'' word. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' Though his friendship with Mashimi began to diminish, Yoshi's bond with Tang Shen grew stronger than ever, but the coils of jealousy were winding tighter and tighter in Mashimi's soul until... something snapped. :''[A crack of thunder is followed by rain. Tang Shen lifts her arms to welcome it.]'' :'''Yukio Mashimi''': Tang Shen! :'''Tang Shen''': Oh, Mashimi, you startled me. ''[?]'' What, what is wrong with you? :''[Inside his dojo the little rat munches on a crumb when the sound of Tang Shen’s scream cuts the air. The Ancient One is nearby and runs for the door.]'' :'''Ancient One''': Tang Shen? ''[runs outside, looking for her.]'' Tang Shen! ''[He then spots her prone form.]'' Oh no! Tang Shen! <hr width=50%/> :'''Shredder''': Secure all the exits. Let none escape. :''[Mashimi, now wearing the garb of the Foot, steps up next to Shredder.]'' :'''Mortu''': Mashini, ''you'' have betrayed ''us!''? :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': Mashimi, why? :'''Yukio Mashimi''': How dare ''you'' ask why! ''You'' betrayed ''me!'' We were like brothers, but you had everything and left me with nothing!! Now I take everything from you, including your life!! <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' Yoshi returned to tell Tang Shen all that had happened, only to find out the horrible truth. :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': Tang Shen!? No! '''NOOOO!!''' ''[echoes]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[at Shen's grave]'' :'''Ancient One''': This is all my fault. I knew Mashimi had a dark streak in his heart. :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': It is not your fault, Master. It is Mashimi's fault and he shall pay with his life!! :'''Ancient One''': Be careful, my son. Vengeance is like a splinter that will poison your mind and heart. <hr width=50%/> :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': Yukio Mashimi, I have come for you! Show yourself, ''traitor!'' :'''Shredder''': ''[sits on his throne.]'' Mashimi. :''[Mashimi steps out in front of the stairs leading up to Shredder’s throne.]'' :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': Mashimi, ''I'' challenge ''you'' to a ''duel'', assassin!! :'''Yukio Mashimi''': A duel!? Ha! You have unknowingly stepped into the lion's den, Yoshi! I do not need to fight you! We outnumber you!! :'''Shredder''': You are mistaken, Yukio Mashimi. You stand alone. Defeat Hamato Yoshi and I will forgive our humiliating retreat from the Utrom base. Only if you defeat Yoshi will I let you live. :'''Yukio Mashimi''': As you wish, Master. ''[walks over to where Yoshi waits and strikes a defensive posture.]'' So, Yoshi, our story comes full circle! It began with the two of us and it will end with just the two of us!! :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': This story will only end with one of us, Mashimi!! <hr width=50%/> :'''Hamoto Yoshi''': Well, little one. I will name you Splinter. And together, we will remind ourselves of Tang Shen. Of her beauty, her kindness, and love. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': Well, I think we all know the rest of the story. :'''Michelangleo''': Man! What a bummer story. :'''Master Splinter''': Perhaps, Michelangelo, but perhaps not. It not for these events, I would never have been brought to New York. :'''Donatello''': And the Utroms would never have had to relocate here either, meaning no ooze. :'''Raphael''': No us. <hr width=50%/> :''[Present Day Japan. The Ancient One approaches a home. Inside, a gate rises and he proceeds down a long flight of stairs. He enters a large chamber, lit by fire sconces mounted around the center of a circular area. He bows.]'' :'''Ancient One''': I have come to plead for the turtles. You must not carry out your designs. :''[From the darkness, a pair of blue eyes light up. It is one of the Ninja Tribunal.]'' :'''Juto-Shisho''': You are too late, Ancient One. :''[From another side, the bright eyes are green.]'' :'''Chikara-Shisho''': We have decided. :''[Yet a third set of eyes, silver in color, appears.]'' :'''Kon-Shisho''': We will judge the turtles’ fate. We will determine whether they will live... :'''Juto-Shisho''': Or how they will meet their end. :''[The Ancient One bows.]'' ==<span style=color:purple>'''The Mutated Era of Donatello'''</span>== ===Adventures in Turtle Sitting=== :'''Leonardo''' ''[narrating]'': Things are not good, and they're getting worse by the second. We could really use good old Donnie right about now. Ever since Bishop's mutant outbreak began, Don's been the one guiding us through this whole mess. Coming up with all the answers. :''[Michelangelo gets hit]'' :'''Raph''': Mikey! :'''Leo''': ''[narrating]'' There have been ''hundreds'' of times we'd've been turtle-waxed... if Don's brains hadn't bailed us out. :'''Leo''': ''[sees Raph getting grabbed a monster]'' Raph! :'''Leo''': ''[narrating]'' It's too bad Don's not here now, because this is definitely one of those times. <hr width=50%/> :'''April''': Now who could that be? [She opens the doors to find the Michelangelo, Leonardo and Raphael standing there.] Guys! Hey, this is...unexpected. Guys! Hey, this is...unexpected. :'''Leonardo''': Sorry, April, but we’re on our way to a possible mutant outbreak at the power plant and— :'''Donatello''': Achoo! ''[groans, leans against the doorframe, looking weak and with dark bags under his eyes.]'' :'''April''': Whoa. Don, you look greener than usual. A lot greener than usual. :'''Donnie''': I know, I-- ''[blows his nose.]'' I've picked up this little bug and I haven't been able to shake it. ''[blows nose]'' I was feeling alright, but I just can't handle mutants right now. :'''Mikey''': Did you figure that out before, or after you barfed in the Battle Shell? :'''Raph''': Mikey! ''[slaps Mikey in the head]'' :'''Mikey''': OW! :'''Raph''': ''Adults'' are talking. April, can you keep an eye on Donnie for us? :'''Donnie''': Achoo! ''[blows his nose.]'' :'''April''': Of course Don can stay here. I mean, we weren’t going anywhere anyway. :'''Casey''': Bro’, you are seriously cramping my style here. :'''Donnie''': Sorry. :'''April''': You guys have been on monster patrol for weeks. What’s the plan, clean up all the mutants in Manhattan? :'''Leo''': Well, no. This outbreak is way more than four turtles can handle. We’re just trying to keep it from spreading. :'''April''': Well, go get ‘em guys. We’ll watch Don. :'''Leo''': Donnie, take it easy bro’. ''[The other turtles depart.]'' :'''Donnie''': Good lu-uh-uh-achoo! Achoo! :'''Casey''': Uh! ''[slaps his forehead as Donatello groans.]'' Come on, sickly mutant ninja turtle, you better lie down before you fall down. ''[helps Donatello lie down on the couch and then covers him with a blanket.]'' There. Comfy? <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': Okay, Mikey, you take the left. Don, you cover me on— :'''Michelangelo''': Uh, Don’s home sick from school today, Leo. :'''Leonardo''': Right. Raph, you cover me on the right. And remember guys, just contain them, do not splatter them. :'''Raphael''': We know the drill. Can't have that cream filling spillin' out, infecting other creatures with their freako DNA. The last thing we need is more genetic rejects. I mean, we've already got Mikey. :''[It's loving brother time!]'' <hr width=50%/> :''[after Donatello mutates]'' :'''April O'Neil''': This is crazy! :'''Casey Jones''': What do we do?! :'''April''': It's Don right? Try talking to him! :'''Casey''': Talk to him, are you nuts!? He's a savage, freaky monster and '''YOU JUST WHACKED HIM IN THE FACE WITH A BROOM!!!''' :''[Casey being the voice of reason]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Stockman''': I-- I don’t understand. What’s happened? What have you done to me? :'''Agent Bishop''': I had your brain recovered from the bottom of New York’s East River after your misguided sabbatical. While I could do without your personality, I do need your brain. The outbreak is getting worse by the minute, and I expect you to use that powerful mind of yours to clean it up. :'''Stockman''': I-- I-- I can’t believe... oh. I can’t believe you brought me back this. Why? Why? [He gets off the table and stands on shaky legs before falling.] Why couldn’t you let me finally rest in peace? Why?! <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': What was that thing? :'''Raphael''': And where’s Don? :'''Michelangelo''': Did that monster get Don? :'''April''': Guys, that monster is Don. :'''Michelangelo''': Say what? :'''April''': That thing you just fought is Don. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leatherhead''': I regret to say... I cannot cure him. :'''Mikey''': What?! NO!! :'''Raphael''': '''MAN, I AM GONNA TAKE BISHOP AND RAM MY FOOT SO FAR...''' :'''Leonardo''': Easy, Raph! We'll find cure, but first we got to capture Don before he hurts himself or anyone else. :''[Raph almost says something inappropriate for kids]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Michelangelo''': Oh ugly, mutated-version-of-my-beloved-brother DONATELLOOOO, where are youuu~?! ''[He hears growling.]'' Donny?! :''[Mutant Donatello appears rounds a turn, sees Michelangelo, and charges.]'' :'''Mikey''': Like, ZOINKS!! :''[Michelangelo dodges a swing, leaps over Donatello’s head, and runs. Donatello chases him. Michelangelo catches onto a hole in the ceiling of the tunnel and one handed swings through into the tunnel above. He turns and looks back, but sees no Donatello. Arming his weapon, he walks back towards the hole. Suddenly Donatello bursts through and Michelangelo screams and runs.]'' :'''Mikey''': Oh, Humna, humna, humna, humna, humna, humna, humna, humna! WHOA! :''[mutant Donatello keeps swinging his fists to Michelangelo, who keeps dodging them by swinging back and forward]'' :'''Mikey''': Now I know how a piñata feels! ''[dodge another fist swing]'' AND I DON'T LIKE IT! Whoa, Don! Come on, quit it! ''[Raph and Leo arrive.]'' A little help here, guys? :'''Raphael''': Whoa, mama! Don’s been taking his vitamins. ''[Donatello punches Michelangelo and flings him down at the feet of his brothers.]'' I’m really sorry about this, Donny! :''[He jumps down in front of Donatello and swings at him with his capture claw weapon.]'' :'''Leonardo''': Remember, this is Don. Do not hurt him! :''[Raphael hops around as Donatello tries to slash him.]'' :'''Raphael''': That’s not gonna be a problem, Leo! :''Donatello straightens and roars. Leonardo kicks his carapace and when Donatello turns, Raphael kicks him. Donatello falls forward onto his hands and knees.'' :'''Leonardo''': Leatherhead, you’re on. :''[Leatherhead leaps out of hiding and runs towards Donatello, who has risen to his feet. Leatherhead plows into him, grabs and lifts him off his feet. Donatello tries to snap at him. Leatherhead shoves him into the containment unit and Michelangelo and Leonardo slam the door shut. Donatello pounds on the glass as his brothers and Leatherhead look on.]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Splinter''': ''[sadly]'' My son. :'''Leatherhead''': I can sympathize. I know what it’s like to be a monster. :'''Raphael''': ''[places his hand on Splinter’s shoulder.]'' Poor Donny. :'''Michelangelo''': What are we gonna do, Leo? :'''Leonardo''': Do? This is Donatello. This is our brother. ''[He flattens a palm on the glass.]'' We’re going to hunt down a cure for him, no matter what it takes. No matter what it takes. ===Good Genes=== ====Part 1 [2.24]==== :'''[[w:Leatherhead (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Leatherhead]]''': ''(Narrating)'' As we fly through the night, I can't help but ponder: intelligence, reason, even simple thought. Most people take these things for granted. I do not. For I know what it's like to be an advanced mind, trapped in the body of a brute... of a monster. But for once, I am not the monster in question. My friend Donatello is one of the gentlest souls I've ever met, with one of the finest minds I've ever known. But now, thanks to the evil agent Bishop, my friend has been transformed into a thoughtless savage. And I fear that the Donatello I know may truly be lost forever. <hr width=50%/> :'''Karai''': Mystics, your master has need of you! :''[Laughter echoes all around her.]'' :'''Water Mystic''': ''[voice-over]'' Our master is the Shredder. Not you, little girl! :''[The Earth Mystic materializes atop of podium.]'' :'''Earth Mystic''': You are nothing but a pretender! like the Utrom abomination before you! :''[The other Mystics appear atop their perches.]'' :'''Karai''': You forget your place, Mystics! You serve me now. I hold the same power over you as my father did! All your talk of ancient power. You live in the past. I am the future and you will obey me. Find the turtle Leonardo! ''He'' must pay for his crimes ''against'' my father! Do you hear me?! ''[turns and walks away.]'' ''Find him!'' ''[exits the room. As the door closes behind her, the Mystics speaks again.]'' :'''Earth Mystic''': Perhaps ''he'' will find you! <hr width=50%/> :'''Leo''': Once we have Bishop, We'll convince him to help Don. :'''Raph''': Leatherhead and I can handle that part of the plan, we can be very convincing. ''[punches hand]'' :'''Michelangelo''': It's Area 51, they probably have a UFO watching us from SPACE! <hr width=50%/> :'''Stockman''': Now open that hunk a' junk. ====Part 2 [2.25]==== :'''Leo''': ''(Narrating)'' A wise man once said: I've got a bad feeling about this. And right now, I know how he feels. Believe it or not, that's my brother Donatello. And right now, he's sick. Really sick. He was scratched by one of Bishop's outbreak mutants, and now he has become a savage, mindless monster. Had it been any of us, we would have looked at Don to save the day. But even with Leatherhead's help, we're no closer to finding a cure. With no other options, we tracked down the one man who might have a cure: the man responsible for the outbreak in the first place: Agent Bishop. Bishop agreed to cure Don, but for a price. Infiltrating Foot central? It's an impossible mission. But what can we do? Our brother is sick. And there's nothing we won't do to save him. Even if it means... making a deal with the devil. <hr width=50%/> :'''Agent Bishop''': Comm systems on, secure channel :'''The Entity''': Ah, Agent Bishop, we are transmitting coordinates to you even as we speak :'''Bishop''': And in return? :'''Entity''': We will let you know, will you be retrieving the artifact yourself? :'''Bishop''': Of cause not, i'll sending in special agents. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leatherhead''': Donatello's condition continues to deteriorate, there's not much time. :'''Master Splinter''': Doctor Stockman, Agent Bisharp told us you have administer the cure to Donatello. :'''Baxter Stockman''': To think I sunk so low that unparalleled genius would be used save the life of these freaks, unfathomable. :'''Leatherhead''': Where is the cure Stockman? :'''Stockman''': I am pulled sweet oblivion for what? this? :'''Leatherhead''': Show us the cure NOW! :'''Stockman''': CURE? you stupid animal, Agent Bishop lied there is no cure. :'''Splinter''': WHAT?! :''[Leatherhead growls and his eyes turn green on Stockman]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Leo''': April come in :'''April''': Go leo :'''Leo''': we've made it to the Foots garbage disposal facility, time for you & Casey to do your thing :'''April''': Casey's heading in to the power station now, stand by :'''Casey''': Hey if we gonna put a computer virus in here to shut down the power, how come you're not going in? :'''April''': Because I don't look like a janitor :'''Casey''': Gee thanks :'''Leo''': Keep us posted April, we're moving into position :'''April''': Roger that :'''Leo''': Well here the fun starts :'''April''': All the buildings garbage go through shoots that led to an incinerator :'''Michelangelo''': We're going in through the furnace, isn't that gonna be hot???? :'''Leo''': It's our only way and that's not all,once through the incinerators we go up a shoots. :'''April''': Which Karai has secured with a deadly grid of lazers :'''Leo''': When the power drops we go up the vent, we gotta beat the emergency-power kicking in :'''Mikey''': Ah, Leo why is the grid still on? :'''Leo''': Casey, April, cut that power or we're turtles flambe. :'''Casey''': I've put in the stupid virus but it ain't working! :'''Leo''': Casey we really need that power out NOW :'''Casey''': Alright, you stupid computers, we're doing this old school, ''[picks up a computer]'' GOONGALA!!! ''[throws computer]'', Woo hoo :'''Leo''': Grids' down <hr width=50%/> :'''Karai''': Find out what's going on . . . Leonardo is here, but why?, why would he come here? <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': Good work Casey we're in, April go the phase 3: get to the copter :'''April O'Neil''': On it :'''Leo''': remember we get what we need and get out, Ralph you know what you have to do, Mikey you're with me, let's go <hr width=50%/> :'''Metal Mystic''': Everything goes as planned my brothers. :'''Earth Mystic''': Soon we all be free! <hr width=50%/> :''[About the mystic Heart of Tengu]'' :'''Karai''': No!! Give that to me!! You do not know what you are doing!! <hr width=50%/> :'''Karai''': You cannot take that! :'''Leonardo''': Watch me!! <hr width=50%/> :'''Karai''': No! ''[runs towards them.]'' Leonardo, face me!! :''[Leonardo turns and draws a sword, but Michelangelo catches him by the arm.]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Get in, Get out, right? It's not about Karai, right? :'''Leo''': ''[sheathes his katana.]'' Right. :''[They climb onto the rubble piled in front of the hole in the wall.]'' :'''Karai''': Stop them! Someone stop them!! :''[All three turtles jump. Karai and her Foot Elite reach the opening, but can only watch as the turtles climb up a ladder dangling from the helicopter.]'' :'''Karai''': No! No! ''[drops to her knees.]'' No-o! ''[echoes]'' <hr width=50%/> :'''Don''': ''[Emerges from a cloud of mist, cured]'' Hey guys, what's up? ''[collapses into Leatherhead's arms]'' :'''Leatherhead''': I have you, my friend. :'''Michelangelo, Raphael and Leonardo''': All right! Donny! Welcome back! It’s so good to see you again! <hr width=50%/> :'''Master Splinter''': Welcome back, my son. :'''Don''': I hope you guys didn't go through too much trouble for me. (Did you?) :''[Everyone is silent]'' :'''Michelangelo''': Nah. ==Ninja Tribunal== * This is the Season 4 finale. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': ''(Narrating)'' You know, if there's one thing I've learned being a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, is to always expect the unexpected. But with all of our training, and all of our hard work, I'd like to think that we're ready for anything. But sometimes, the unexpected is just a little too... unexpected. <hr width=50%/> :'''Raphael''': Yeah, no offense Donnie, but you weren't too much fun when you were... sick. :'''Michelangelo''': Fun?! He was a monster. An absolutely, horrible, drooling big nasty-fanged monster! You tried to eat my leg! <hr width=50%/> :'''Michelangelo''': Are we sure that Donnie's all better? See the full moon, Donnie? Do you feel the monster inside? The monster taking control?! 'MWAHAHAHA!!!! :'''Donatello''': Oh no. I'm- I'm changing! '''RAAAAGGGHH!''' :'''Mikey''': AAAAHHH! HELP ME! HELP ME! HE'S TRYING TO EAT MY LEG AGAIN! AAAAAHHHHH! <hr width=50%/> :''[After the enemy ninjas demonstrated their weapon sticks to the Turtles.]'' :'''Raphael''': Now maybe it's just me, but I think these guys plan to stick it to us. <hr width=50%/> :'''Juto-Shisho''': Bow when you enter this sanctuary. :'''Chikara-Shisho''': We require warriors to combatant, and as pathetic as you are, you eight are our best hope. <hr width=50%/> :'''Leonardo''': You expect us to fight each other? :'''Raphael''': Forget it, bucketheads. :'''Kon-Shisho''': You WILL fight, or you will be destroyed. <hr width=50%/> :''[Back to New York City, the rooftop from which the turtles were kidnapped. Splinter and the Ancient One are searching the rooftop. The Ancient One finds the slashed mask left by the wooden warrior that Leonardo had fought.]'' :'''Ancient One''': The Mokusai no Bushi were here. ''[He studies gashes in the rooftop and then points to another area.]'' And here, signs of a struggle. :'''Splinter''': The Ninja Tribunal has taken my sons! Ancient One, you must take me to the tribunal. :'''Ancient One''': You know that what you ask is simply not permitted. :'''Splinter''': Permitted or not, I will protect my sons! == Characters == === Main === * [[w:Leonardo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Leonardo]] (or Leo) - voiced by [[w:Michael Sinterniklaas|Michael Sinterniklaas]] * [[w:Donatello (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Donatello]] (or Donnie) - voiced by [[w:Sam Riegel|Sam Riegel]] * [[w:Raphael (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Raphael]] (or Raph) - voiced by [[w:Greg Abbey|Frank Frankson]] * [[w:Michelangelo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Michelangelo]] (or Mikey) - voiced by [[w:Wayne Grayson|Wayne Grayson]] === Recurring === * [[w:Splinter (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Splinter]] - voiced by [[Darren Dunstan]] * [[w:April O'Neil|April O'Neil]] - voiced by [[w:Veronica Taylor|Veronica Taylor]] * [[w:Casey Jones (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Arnold Casey Jones Jr.]] - voiced by [[w:Marc Thompson (voice actor)|Marc Thompson]] === Antagonists === * [[w:Karai (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles|Karai]] – voiced by Karen Neill * Agent John Bishop – voiced by [[w:David Zen Mansley|David Zen Mansley]] * [[w:Baxter Stockman|Baxter Stockman]] – voiced by Scott Williams * Savanti Romero – voiced by [[w:David Zen Mansley|David Zen Mansley]] * [[w:Hun (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Hun]] – voiced by [[w:Greg Carey (voice actor)|Greg Carey]] * Rat King – voiced by [[w:David Zen Mansley|David Zen Mansley]] === Supporting === * [[w:Leatherhead (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Leatherhead]] - voiced by [[w:Greg Carey (voice actor)|Gary K. Lewis]] * The Ancient One - voiced by David Chen * [[w:Miyamoto Usagi|Miyamoto Usagi]] - voiced by [[w:Jason Griffith|Jason Griffith]] * [[w:Murakami Gennosuke|Murakami Gennosuke]] – voiced by [[Eric Stuart]] * Jhanna - voiced by [[w:Lisa Ortiz|Lisa Ortiz]] * Raptarr - voiced by Marc Diraison * Renet - voiced by Liza Jacqueline * Professor August O'Neil - voiced by [[w:Marc Thompson (voice actor)|Marc Thompson]] * Robyn O'Neil * * * * * Mortu - voiced by [[w:Dan Green (voice actor)|Dan Green]] * The Ultimate Daimyo - voiced by [[w:Marc Thompson (voice actor)|Marc Thompson]] * Gyoji - voiced by [[w:Oliver Wyman (actor)|Oliver Wyman]] * Nobody - voiced by [[w:Sean Schemmel|Sean Schemmel]] === Minor === * [[w:Hamato Yoshi|Hamato Yoshi]] – voiced by [[Eric Stuart]] * [[w:Shredder (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Ch'rell/Oroku Saki/Shredder]] - voiced by [[w:Scott Rayow|Scottie Ray]] * Angel - voiced by [[w:Tara Sands|Tara Jayne]] * Arnold Casey Jones Sr. * Baxter Stockman's mother * [[w:Tang Shen|Tang Shen]] * Yukio Mashimi * * * * * ==External links== {{wikipedia|Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003 TV series, season 4)}} {{Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles}} [[Category:Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003 TV series) seasons|4]] [[Category:Children's television seasons]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about turtles]] [[Category:American animated television seasons]] lf388uj0fwuvvw9ywf7dv2pyx7yn3n8 0 222637 3779111 3756381 2025-07-15T11:45:39Z SolarisQ 3137151 Formatting 3779111 wikitext text/x-wiki In Islam, '''[[w:marriage in Islam|marriage]]''' (Arabic: نِكَاح‎, romanized: Nikāḥ) is a legal contract between a man and a woman. Both the groom and the bride are to consent to the marriage of their own free wills. A formal, binding contract – verbal or on paper – is considered integral to a religiously valid Islamic marriage, and outlines the rights and responsibilities of the groom and bride. There must be two Muslim witnesses of the marriage contract. Divorce in Islam can take a variety of forms, some executed by a husband personally and some executed by a religious court on behalf of a plaintiff wife who is successful in her legal divorce petition for valid cause. == Quran == * '''وَلَا تَنكِحُوا۟ ٱلْمُشْرِكَـٰتِ حَتَّىٰ يُؤْمِنَّ ۚ وَلَأَمَةٌۭ مُّؤْمِنَةٌ خَيْرٌۭ مِّن مُّشْرِكَةٍۢ وَلَوْ أَعْجَبَتْكُمْ ۗ وَلَا تُنكِحُوا۟ ٱلْمُشْرِكِينَ حَتَّىٰ يُؤْمِنُوا۟ ۚ وَلَعَبْدٌۭ مُّؤْمِنٌ خَيْرٌۭ مِّن مُّشْرِكٍۢ وَلَوْ أَعْجَبَكُمْ ۗ أُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ يَدْعُونَ إِلَى [[Jahannam|ٱلنَّارِ]] ۖ وَٱللَّهُ يَدْعُوٓا۟ إِلَى [[Jannah|ٱلْجَنَّةِ]] وَٱلْمَغْفِرَةِ بِإِذْنِهِۦ ۖ وَيُبَيِّنُ ءَايَـٰتِهِۦ لِلنَّاسِ لَعَلَّهُمْ يَتَذَكَّرُونَ''' ** [http://quran.com/2/221 Quran 2:221] ** Translations: *** Do not marry polytheistic women until they believe; for a believing slave-woman is better than a free polytheist, even though she may look pleasant to you. And do not marry your women to polytheistic men until they believe, for a believing slave-man is better than a free polytheist, even though he may look pleasant to you. They invite ˹you˺ to the [[Jahannam|Fire]] while Allah invites ˹you˺ to [[Jannah|Paradise]] and forgiveness by His grace. He makes His revelations clear to the people so perhaps they will be mindful. **** [http://quran.com/2/221?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] *** Wed not idolatresses till they believe; for lo! a believing bondwoman is better than an idolatress though she please you; and give not your daughters in marriage to idolaters till they believe, for lo! a believing slave is better than an idolater though he please you. These invite unto the [[Jahannam|Fire]], and Allah inviteth unto the [[Jannah|Garden]], and unto forgiveness by His grace, and expoundeth His revelations to mankind that haply they may remember. **** [http://quran.com/2/221?translations=19 ''The Meaning of the Glorious Koran''] by [[Marmaduke Pickthall]] * '''نِسَآؤُكُمْ حَرْثٌۭ لَّكُمْ فَأْتُوا۟ حَرْثَكُمْ أَنَّىٰ شِئْتُمْ ۖ وَقَدِّمُوا۟ لِأَنفُسِكُمْ ۚ وَٱتَّقُوا۟ ٱللَّهَ وَٱعْلَمُوٓا۟ أَنَّكُم مُّلَـٰقُوهُ ۗ وَبَشِّرِ ٱلْمُؤْمِنِينَ''' ** [http://quran.com/2/223 Quran 2:223] ** Translations: *** Your wives are like farmland for you, so approach them ˹consensually˺ as you please. And send forth something good for yourselves. Be mindful of Allah, and know that you will meet Him. And give good news to the believers. **** [http://quran.com/2/223?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] *** Your wives are as a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will; but do some good act for your souls beforehand; and fear Allah. And know that ye are to meet Him (in the Hereafter), and give (these) good tidings to those who believe. **** [http://quran.com/2/223?translations=22 ''The Holy Qur'an: Text, Translation and Commentary''] by [[w:Abdullah Yusuf Ali|Abdullah Yusuf Ali]] * '''فَإِن [[w:Divorce in Islam|طَلَّقَهَا]] فَلَا تَحِلُّ لَهُۥ مِنۢ بَعْدُ حَتَّىٰ تَنكِحَ زَوْجًا غَيْرَهُۥ ۗ فَإِن طَلَّقَهَا فَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْهِمَآ أَن يَتَرَاجَعَآ إِن ظَنَّآ أَن يُقِيمَا حُدُودَ ٱللَّهِ ۗ وَتِلْكَ حُدُودُ ٱللَّهِ يُبَيِّنُهَا لِقَوْمٍۢ يَعْلَمُونَ''' ** [http://quran.com/2/230 Quran 2:230] ** Translations: *** So if a husband [[w:Divorce in Islam|divorces his wife]] ˹three times˺, then it is not lawful for him to remarry her until after she has married another man and then is divorced. Then it is permissible for them to reunite, as long as they feel they are able to maintain the limits of Allah. These are the limits set by Allah, which He makes clear for people of knowledge. **** [http://quran.com/2/230?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''وَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلَّا تُقْسِطُوا۟ فِى ٱلْيَتَـٰمَىٰ فَٱنكِحُوا۟ مَا طَابَ لَكُم مِّنَ ٱلنِّسَآءِ [[w:Polygyny in Islam|مَثْنَىٰ وَثُلَـٰثَ وَرُبَـٰعَ]] فَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلَّا تَعْدِلُوا۟ فَوَٰحِدَةً أَوْ مَا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَـٰنُكُمْ ۚ ذَٰلِكَ أَدْنَىٰٓ أَلَّا تَعُولُوا۟''' ** [http://quran.com/4/3 Quran 4:3] ** Translations: *** If you fear you might fail to give orphan women their ˹due˺ rights ˹if you were to marry them˺, then marry other women of your choice—[[w:Polygyny in Islam|two, three, or four]]. But if you are afraid you will fail to maintain justice, then ˹content yourselves with˺ one or those ˹bondwomen˺ in your possession. This way you are less likely to commit injustice. **** [http://quran.com/4/3?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''ٱلرِّجَالُ قَوَّٰمُونَ عَلَى ٱلنِّسَآءِ بِمَا فَضَّلَ ٱللَّهُ بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَىٰ بَعْضٍۢ وَبِمَآ أَنفَقُوا۟ مِنْ أَمْوَٰلِهِمْ ۚ فَٱلصَّـٰلِحَـٰتُ قَـٰنِتَـٰتٌ حَـٰفِظَـٰتٌۭ لِّلْغَيْبِ بِمَا حَفِظَ ٱللَّهُ ۚ وَٱلَّـٰتِى تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّ وَٱهْجُرُوهُنَّ فِى ٱلْمَضَاجِعِ [[w:An-Nisa, 34|وَٱضْرِبُوهُنَّ]] فَإِنْ أَطَعْنَكُمْ فَلَا تَبْغُوا۟ عَلَيْهِنَّ سَبِيلًا ۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيًّۭا كَبِيرًۭا''' ** [http://quran.com/4/34 Quran 4:34] ** Translations: *** Men are the caretakers of women, as men have been provisioned by Allah over women and tasked with supporting them financially. And righteous women are devoutly obedient and, when alone, protective of what Allah has entrusted them with. And if you sense ill-conduct from your women, advise them ˹first˺, ˹if they persist,˺ do not share their beds, ˹but if they still persist,˺ then [[w:An-Nisa, 34|discipline them]] ˹gently˺. But if they change their ways, do not be unjust to them. Surely Allah is Most High, All-Great. **** [http://quran.com/4/34?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] *** Men are in charge of women, because Allah hath made the one of them to excel the other, and because they spend of their property (for the support of women). So good women are the obedient, guarding in secret that which Allah hath guarded. As for those from whom ye fear rebellion, admonish them and banish them to beds apart, and [[w:An-Nisa, 34|scourge them]]. Then if they obey you, seek not a way against them. Lo! Allah is ever High, Exalted, Great. **** [http://quran.com/4/34?translations=19 ''The Meaning of the Glorious Koran''] by [[Marmaduke Pickthall]] *** Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard. As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (Next), refuse to share their beds, (And last) [[w:An-Nisa, 34|beat them]] (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them Means (of annoyance): For Allah is Most High, great (above you all). **** [http://quran.com/4/34?translations=22 ''The Holy Qur'an: Text, Translation and Commentary''] by [[w:Abdullah Yusuf Ali|Abdullah Yusuf Ali]] *** Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allāh has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allāh would have them guard. But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance – [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], [[w:An-Nisa, 34|strike them]] [lightly]. But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allāh is ever Exalted and Grand. **** [http://quran.com/4/34?translations=20 ''Saheeh International translation''] by [[w:Sahih International|Umm Muhammad, Mary Kennedy and Amatullah Bantley]] ** Comments: *** See the Wikipedia article [[w:An-Nisa, 34|An-Nisa, 34]]. * '''ٱلزَّانِى لَا يَنكِحُ إِلَّا زَانِيَةً أَوْ مُشْرِكَةًۭ وَٱلزَّانِيَةُ لَا يَنكِحُهَآ إِلَّا زَانٍ أَوْ مُشْرِكٌۭ ۚ وَحُرِّمَ ذَٰلِكَ عَلَى ٱلْمُؤْمِنِينَ''' ** [http://quran.com/24/3 Quran 24:3] ** Translations: *** A male fornicator would only marry a female fornicator or idolatress. And a female fornicator would only be married to a fornicator or idolater. This is ˹all˺ forbidden to the believers. **** [http://quran.com/24/3?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] *** The adulterer may marry only an adulteress or an idolatress; and adulteress may marry only an adulterer or an idolater. True believers are forbidden such marriages.{{Citation needed}} * '''وَأَنكِحُوا۟ ٱلْأَيَـٰمَىٰ مِنكُمْ وَٱلصَّـٰلِحِينَ مِنْ عِبَادِكُمْ وَإِمَآئِكُمْ ۚ إِن يَكُونُوا۟ فُقَرَآءَ يُغْنِهِمُ ٱللَّهُ مِن فَضْلِهِۦ ۗ وَٱللَّهُ وَٰسِعٌ عَلِيمٌۭ''' ** [http://quran.com/24/32 Quran 24:32] ** Translations: *** Marry off the ˹free˺ singles among you, as well as the righteous of your bondmen and bondwomen. If they are poor, Allah will enrich them out of His bounty. For Allah is All-Bountiful, All-Knowing. **** [http://quran.com/24/32?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''وَمِنْ ءَايَـٰتِهِۦٓ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَٰجًۭا لِّتَسْكُنُوٓا۟ إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةًۭ وَرَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِى ذَٰلِكَ لَـَٔايَـٰتٍۢ لِّقَوْمٍۢ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ''' ** [http://quran.com/30/21 Quran 30:21] ** Translations: *** And one of His signs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves so that you may find comfort in them. And He has placed between you compassion and mercy. Surely in this are signs for people who reflect. **** [http://quran.com/30/21?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] == Ahadith == === Kutub al-Sittah === ==== Sunan Ibn Majah ==== * It was narrated from Abu Hurairah that: the Messenger of Allah said: “No woman should arrange the marriage of another woman, and no woman should arrange her own marriage. The adulteress is the one who arranges her own marriage.” (Sahih) ** Sunan Ibn Majah 3:9:1882 * It was narrated from Aishah that : the Messenger of Allah said: “Any woman whose marriage is not arranged by her guardian, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid. If (the man) has had intercourse with her, then the Mahr belongs to her in return for his intimacy with her. And if there is any dispute then the ruler is the guardian of the one who does not have a guardian.” (Sahih) ** Sunan Ibn Majah 3:9:1879 * It was narrated from Abu Hurairah that: the Prophet said: “A woman may be married for four things: Her wealth, her lineage, her beauty or for her religion. Choose the religious, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).” (Sahih) ** Sunan Ibn Majah 3:9:1858 * It was narrated that Ash'ath bin Qais said: "I was a guest (at the home) of 'Umar one night, and in the middle of the night he went and hit his wife, and I separated them. When he went to bed he said to me: 'O Ash'ath, learn from me something that I heard from the Messenger of Allah" A man should not be asked why he beats his wife, and do not go to sleep until you have prayed the Witr."' And I forgot the third thing." (Hasan) ** Sunan Ibn Majah 3:9:1986 * It was narrated that: Abdullah bin Abu Awfa said” When Muadh bin Jabal came from Sham, he prostrated to the Prophet who said: 'What is this, O Muadh?' He said: 'I went to Sham and saw them prostrating their bishops and patricians and I wanted to do that for you.' The messenger of Allah said: 'Do not do that. If I were to command anyone to prostrate to anyone other than Allah, I would have commanded women to prostrate to their husbands. By the one in who hand is the soul of Muhammad! No woman can fulfill her duty towards Allah until she fulfills her duty towards her husband. If he asks her (for intimacy) even if she is on her camel saddle, she should not refuse.' “(Hasan) ** Sunan Ibn Majah 3:9:1853 ** Reported by Abu Dawood, Ahmad, Tirmizi, Ibn Magah and Ibn Haban. * It was narrated from Abu Hurairah that: the Messenger of Allah said: “No woman should arrange the marriage of another woman, and no woman should arrange her own marriage. The adulteress is the one who arranges her own marriage.” (Sahih) ** Sunan Ibn Majah 3:9:1882 * It was narrated that Iyas bin 'Abdullah bin Abu Dhubab said: "The Prophet said: 'Do not beat the female slaves of Allah.' Then 'Umar came to the Prophet and said: 'O Messenger of Allah, the woman have become bold towards their husbands? So order the beating of them,' and they were beaten. Then many women went around to the family of Muhammad,. The next day he said: 'Last night seventy women came to the family of Muhammad, each woman complaining about her husband. You will not find that those are the best of you.' " (Sahih) ** Sunan Ibn Majah 3:9:1985 ==== Sahih Muslim ==== * He (Muhammad b. Qais) then reported that it was 'A'isha who had narrated this: Should I not narrate to you about myself and about the Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him)? We said: Yes. She said: When it was my turn for Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) to spend the night with me, he turned his side, put on his mantle and took off his shoes and placed them near his feet, and spread the corner of his shawl on his bed and then lay down till he thought that I had gone to sleep. He took hold of his mantle slowly and put on the shoes slowly, and opened the door and went out and then closed it lightly. I covered my head, put on my veil and tightened my waist wrapper, and then went out following his steps till he reached Baqi'. He stood there and he stood for a long time. He then lifted his hands three times, and then returned and I also returned. He hastened his steps and I also hastened my steps. He ran and I too ran. He came (to the house) and I also came (to the house). I, however, preceded him and I entered (the house), and as I lay down in the bed, he (the Holy Prophet) entered the (house), and said: Why is it, O 'A'isha, that you are out of breath? I said: There is nothing. He said: Tell me or the Subtle and the Aware would inform me. I said: Messenger of Allah, may my father and mother be ransom for you, and then I told him (the whole story). He said: Was it the darkness (of your shadow) that I saw in front of me? I said: Yes. He struck me on the chest which caused me pain, and then said: Did you think that Allah and His Apostle would deal unjustly with you?..." ** Sahih Muslim 4:2127 * Humaid b. 'Abd al-Rahman b. 'Auf reported that his mother Umm Kulthum daughter of 'Uqba b. Abu Mu'ait, and she was one amongst the first emigrants who pledged allegiance to Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him), as saying that she heard Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: A liar is not one who tries to bring reconciliation amongst people and speaks good (in order to avert dispute), or he conveys good. Ibn Shihab said he did not hear that exemption was granted in anything what the people speak as lie but in three cases: in battle, for bringing reconciliation amongst persons and the narration of the words of the husband to his wife, and the narration of the words of a wife to her husband (in a twisted form in order to bring reconciliation between them). ** Sahih Muslim 32:6303 ==== Sunan Abu Dawud ==== * Narrated Umar ibn al-Khattab: The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: A man will not be asked as to why he beat his wife. ** Sunan Abu Dawud 11:2142 * Narrated Abdullah ibn AbuDhubab: Iyas ibn Abdullah ibn AbuDhubab reported the Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him) as saying: Do not beat Allah's handmaidens, but when Umar came to the Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him) and said: Women have become emboldened towards their husbands, he (the Prophet) gave permission to beat them. Then many women came round the family of the Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him) complaining against their husbands. So the Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him) said: Many women have gone round Muhammad's family complaining against their husbands. They are not the best among you. ** Sunan Abu Dawud 11:2141 ==== Muwatta Imam Malik ==== * Malik said, "The mourning of a young girl who has not yet had a menstrual period takes the same form as the mourning of one who has had a period. She avoids what a mature woman avoids if her husband dies." ** Al-Muwatta 29:108 * The prophet of Allah said: When a man calls his wife to satisfy his desire, let her come to him though she is occupied at the oven. ** Mishkat al-Masabih Book I, Section 'Duties of husband and wife', Hadith No. 61 * Iyas b. Abdullah reported God's messenger as saying, "Do not beat God's handmaidens;" but when `Umar came to God's messenger and said, "The women have become emboldened towards their husbands," he gave licence to beat them. Then many women went round God's messenger's family complaining of their husbands, and he said, "Many women have gone around complaining of their husbands. Those are not the best among you." Abu Dawud, Ibn Majah, and Darimi transmitted it. ** Mishkat Al-Masabih: Volume 2, page 692 ==== [[Sahih Bukhari]] ==== * حَدَّثَنَا مُعَاذُ بْنُ فَضَالَةَ، حَدَّثَنَا هِشَامٌ، عَنْ يَحْيَى، عَنْ أَبِي سَلَمَةَ، أَنَّ أَبَا<br>هُرَيْرَةَ، حَدَّثَهُمْ أَنَّ النَّبِيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ ‏"‏ لاَ تُنْكَحُ الأَيِّمُ حَتَّىتُسْتَأْمَرَ وَلاَ تُنْكَحُ الْبِكْرُ حَتَّى تُسْتَأْذَنَ ‏"‏‏.‏ قَالُوا يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ وَكَيْفَ إِذْنُهَا<br>قَالَ ‏"‏ أَنْ تَسْكُتَ ‏"‏‏.‏ ** Narrated {{w|Abu Huraira}}: The Prophet said, "A matron [[w:Marriage in Islam#Conditions|should not be given]] in marriage except after consulting her; and a [[w:Virginity in Islam|virgin]] should not be given in marriage except after her [[Consent|permission]]." The people asked, "O Allah's Apostle! How can we know her permission?" He said, "Her silence (indicates her permission)." *** [https://www.iium.edu.my/deed/hadith/bukhari/062_sbt.html Book 62], Number 67. Compiled by {{w|Muhammad al-Bukhari}}. Translated into English by {{w|Muhammad Muhsin Khan}} in ''{{w|The Translation of the Meanings Of Sahih Al-Bukhari}}'', 1971, ''{{w|International Islamic University Malaysia}}'' * حَدَّثَنَا عَمْرُو بْنُ الرَّبِيعِ بْنِ طَارِقٍ، قَالَ أَخْبَرَنَا اللَّيْثُ، عَنِ ابْنِ أَبِي<br>مُلَيْكَةَ، عَنْ أَبِي عَمْرٍو، مَوْلَى عَائِشَةَ عَنْ عَائِشَةَ، أَنَّهَا قَالَتْ يَا رَسُولَ<br>اللَّهِ إِنَّ الْبِكْرَ تَسْتَحِي‏.‏ قَالَ ‏ "‏ رِضَاهَا صَمْتُهَا ‏"‏‏. ** Narrated '[[Aisha]]:<br>I said, "O Allah's Apostle! A virgin feels shy." He said, "Her consent is (expressed by) her silence." *** [https://www.iium.edu.my/deed/hadith/bukhari/062_sbt.html Book 62], Number 68. Compiled by {{w|Muhammad al-Bukhari}}. Translated into English by {{w|Muhammad Muhsin Khan}} in ''{{w|The Translation of the Meanings Of Sahih Al-Bukhari}}'', 1971, ''{{w|International Islamic University Malaysia}}'' * حَدَّثَنَا إِسْمَاعِيلُ، قَالَ حَدَّثَنِي مَالِكٌ، عَنْ عَبْدِ الرَّحْمَنِ بْنِ الْقَاسِمِ، عَنْ<br>أَبِيهِ، عَنْ عَبْدِ الرَّحْمَنِ، وَمُجَمِّعٍ، ابْنَىْ يَزِيدَ بْنِ جَارِيَةَ عَنْ خَنْسَاءَ بِنْتِ<br>خِذَامٍ الأَنْصَارِيَّةِ، أَنَّ أَبَاهَا، زَوَّجَهَا وَهْىَ ثَيِّبٌ، فَكَرِهَتْ ذَلِكَ فَأَتَتْ<br>رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم فَرَدَّ نِكَاحَهُ‏.‏ ** Narrated [[w:Al-Khansa|Khansa bint Khidam Al-Ansariya]]: that [[w:Wali (Islamic legal guardian)|her father]] gave her in marriage when she was a matron and she disliked that marriage. So she went to Allah's Apostle and he declared that marriage invalid. *** [https://www.iium.edu.my/deed/hadith/bukhari/062_sbt.html Book 62], Number 68. Compiled by {{w|Muhammad al-Bukhari}}. Translated into English by {{w|Muhammad Muhsin Khan}} in ''{{w|The Translation of the Meanings Of Sahih Al-Bukhari}}'', 1971, ''{{w|International Islamic University Malaysia}}'' * Narrated Abu Usaid: We went out with the Prophet to a garden called Ash-Shaut till we reached two walls between which we sat down. The Prophet said, "Sit here," and went in (the garden). The Jauniyya (a lady from Bani Jaun) had been brought and lodged in a house in a date-palm garden in the home of Umaima bint An-Nu'man bin Sharahil, and her wet nurse was with her. When the Prophet entered upon her, he said to her, "Give me yourself (in marriage) as a gift." She said, "Can a princess give herself in marriage to an ordinary man?" The Prophet raised his hand to pat her so that she might become tranquil. She said, "I seek refuge with Allah from you." He said, "You have sought refuge with One Who gives refuge. Then the Prophet came out to us and said, "O Abu Usaid! Give her two white linen dresses to wear and let her go back to her family." Narrated Sahl and Abu Usaid: The Prophet married Umaima bint Sharahil, and when she was brought to him, he stretched his hand towards her. It seemed that she disliked that, whereupon the Prophet ordered Abu Usaid to prepare her and to provide her with two white linen dresses. (See Hadith No. 541). ** Sahih Bukhari 7:63:182 * Narrated 'Aisha: I asked the Prophet, "O Allah's Apostle! Should the women be asked for their consent to their marriage?" He said, "Yes." I said, "A virgin, if asked, feels shy and keeps quiet." He said, "Her silence means her consent." ** Sahih Bukhari 9:85:79 * Narrated Jabir bin 'Abdullah: I was accompanying the Prophet on a journey and was riding a slow camel that was lagging behind the others. The Prophet passed by me and asked, "Who is this?" I replied, "Jabir bin 'Abdullah." He asked, "What is the matter, (why are you late)?" I replied, "I am riding a slow camel." He asked, "Do you have a stick?" I replied in the affirmative. He said, "Give it to me." When I gave it to him, he beat the camel and rebuked it. Then that camel surpassed the others thenceforth. The Prophet said, "Sell it to me." I replied, "It is (a gift) for you, O Allah's Apostle." He said, "Sell it to me. I have bought it for four Dinars (gold pieces) and you can keep on riding it till Medina." When we approached Medina, I started going (towards my house). The Prophet said, "Where are you going?" I Sad, "I have married a widow." He said, "Why have you not married a virgin to fondle with each other?" I said, "My father died and left daughters, so I decided to marry a widow (an experienced woman) (to look after them)." He said, "Well done." When we reached Medina, Allah's Apostle said, "O Bilal, pay him (the price of the camel) and give him extra money." Bilal gave me four Dinars and one Qirat extra. (A sub-narrator said): Jabir added, "The extra Qirat of Allah's Apostle never parted from me." The Qirat was always in Jabir bin 'Abdullah's purse. ** Sahih Bukhari 3:38:504 * Narrated Jabir bin Abdullah: While we were returning from a Ghazwa (Holy Battle) with the Prophet, I started driving my camel fast, as it was a lazy camel A rider came behind me and pricked my camel with a spear he had with him, and then my camel started running as fast as the best camel you may see. Behold! The rider was the Prophet himself. He said, 'What makes you in such a hurry?" I replied, I am newly married " He said, "Did you marry a virgin or a matron? I replied, "A matron." He said, "Why didn't you marry a young girl so that you may play with her and she with you?" When we were about to enter (Medina), the Prophet said, "Wait so that you may enter (Medina) at night so that the lady of unkempt hair may comb her hair and the one whose husband has been absent may shave her pubic region. ** Sahih Bukhari 7:62:16 * Narrated Jabir bin 'Abdullah: When I got married, Allah's Apostle said to me, "What type of lady have you married?" I replied, "I have married a matron' He said, "Why, don't you have a liking for the virgins and for fondling them?" Jabir also said: Allah's Apostle said, "Why didn't you marry a young girl so that you might play with her and she with you?' ** Sahih Bukhari 7:62:17 * If a husband calls his wife to his bed [i.e. to have sexual relation] and she refuses and causes him to sleep in anger, the angels will curse her till morning. ** Bukhari 4.54.460 === Mishkat al-Masabih === * Had I ordered anybody to prostrate before any one, I would have ordered women to prostrate before their husbands on account of men's rights over the women ordained by Allah. ** Mishkat al-Masabih Section 'Duties of husband and wife', Hadith No. 70 == Quotes == * There is one passage, however, which apparently endorses a pre-Islamic Arab custom. This is the sentence at the end of [http://quran.com/4/34 verse 38] permitting a husband to beat his wife: "And those women whose insubordination you fear, admonish them, then leave them alone in the beds, then [[w:An-Nisa, 34|beat]] them!" … [[w:Abu Bakr|Abu Bakr]]'s daughter [[w:Asma bint Abi Bakr|Asma]], who was the fourth wife of [[w:Zubayr ibn al-Awwam|Zobayr b. ol-Awwam]] (one of the Prophet's first ten converts and principal [[w:Companions of the Prophet|companions]]), is reported to have said, "Whenever Zobayr was angry with one of us, he used to beat her until the stick broke." ** [[Ali Dashti]]: ''[[Twenty Three Years: A Study of the Prophetic Career of Mohammad]]'', pp. 115–116 * A man should marry four wives: A [[Persia|Persian]] to have some one to talk to; a Khurasani woman for his housework; a Hindu for [[nursing]] his children; a woman from Mawaraun nahr, or Transoxiana, to have some one to whip as a warning to the other three. ** Ain-i-Akbari by Abul Fazl, trans. by H. Blochmann. I, 327. Quoted from Lal, K. S. (1994). Muslim slave system in medieval India. New Delhi: Aditya Prakashan. Chapter 7. Also cited in Herklot, Islam in India, 85-86. * There is the Islamic view of marriage. Apologists of Islam, ever so anxious to show how progressive and avant-garde and modern their religion has always been, never tire of saying: In Islam marriage is not a sacrament, it is just a contract. Woman, as we shall see when we turn to the Quran and the Hadis, is just an ‘affliction’ that man has to suffer; she is just a field that he may irrigate or not irrigate as it pleases him; at best she is one of the things that Allah has created for him to enjoy; when on top of all this marriage is but a contract specifying the terms on which he may enjoy the thing—the mehr, as Ram Swarup reminds us being literally the ‘wages’ or ‘hire’ for using the woman—the ulema naturally visit all the consequences on the woman. The husband has but to enjoy the woman, and when he tires of her can just cast her off paying her the nominal maintenance, and the mehr which had been agreed to in the contract. And Allah, in His mercy, has not put these latter at anyonerous level. The minimum mutah, the consolatory gift, we learn, is one pair of clothes and the maximum is one slave or slave girl. The maintenance is to be board and lodging for just three months. And while it is fashionable nowadays to fix the mehr at poetically grandiloquent levels, it is just as fixed a practice to have the wife agree to forego it on the nuptial night itself. [...] The Quran (2.241) explicitly says, ‘Those of you who die leaving surviving widows shall bequeath to their widows provisions for a year without (their) being turned out.’ In direct contravention to this the compendium of Islamic law, the Hidayah, states, ‘Maintenance is not due to a woman after her husband’s decease...’ The Imamia goes even further to say, ‘A widow has no right to maintenance even though she be pregnant.’ ** Arun Shourie - The World of Fatwas Or The Sharia in Action (2012, Harper Collins) == External links == {{wikipedia}} [[Category:Marriage and religion]] [[Category:Islam and women]] [[Category:Islamic law]] gxjgxi5okgbz2jjw0vww31r4q83qo8f 3779112 3779111 2025-07-15T11:46:00Z SolarisQ 3137151 HTTPS links 3779112 wikitext text/x-wiki In Islam, '''[[w:marriage in Islam|marriage]]''' (Arabic: نِكَاح‎, romanized: Nikāḥ) is a legal contract between a man and a woman. Both the groom and the bride are to consent to the marriage of their own free wills. A formal, binding contract – verbal or on paper – is considered integral to a religiously valid Islamic marriage, and outlines the rights and responsibilities of the groom and bride. There must be two Muslim witnesses of the marriage contract. Divorce in Islam can take a variety of forms, some executed by a husband personally and some executed by a religious court on behalf of a plaintiff wife who is successful in her legal divorce petition for valid cause. == Quran == * '''وَلَا تَنكِحُوا۟ ٱلْمُشْرِكَـٰتِ حَتَّىٰ يُؤْمِنَّ ۚ وَلَأَمَةٌۭ مُّؤْمِنَةٌ خَيْرٌۭ مِّن مُّشْرِكَةٍۢ وَلَوْ أَعْجَبَتْكُمْ ۗ وَلَا تُنكِحُوا۟ ٱلْمُشْرِكِينَ حَتَّىٰ يُؤْمِنُوا۟ ۚ وَلَعَبْدٌۭ مُّؤْمِنٌ خَيْرٌۭ مِّن مُّشْرِكٍۢ وَلَوْ أَعْجَبَكُمْ ۗ أُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ يَدْعُونَ إِلَى [[Jahannam|ٱلنَّارِ]] ۖ وَٱللَّهُ يَدْعُوٓا۟ إِلَى [[Jannah|ٱلْجَنَّةِ]] وَٱلْمَغْفِرَةِ بِإِذْنِهِۦ ۖ وَيُبَيِّنُ ءَايَـٰتِهِۦ لِلنَّاسِ لَعَلَّهُمْ يَتَذَكَّرُونَ''' ** [https://quran.com/2/221 Quran 2:221] ** Translations: *** Do not marry polytheistic women until they believe; for a believing slave-woman is better than a free polytheist, even though she may look pleasant to you. And do not marry your women to polytheistic men until they believe, for a believing slave-man is better than a free polytheist, even though he may look pleasant to you. They invite ˹you˺ to the [[Jahannam|Fire]] while Allah invites ˹you˺ to [[Jannah|Paradise]] and forgiveness by His grace. He makes His revelations clear to the people so perhaps they will be mindful. **** [https://quran.com/2/221?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] *** Wed not idolatresses till they believe; for lo! a believing bondwoman is better than an idolatress though she please you; and give not your daughters in marriage to idolaters till they believe, for lo! a believing slave is better than an idolater though he please you. These invite unto the [[Jahannam|Fire]], and Allah inviteth unto the [[Jannah|Garden]], and unto forgiveness by His grace, and expoundeth His revelations to mankind that haply they may remember. **** [https://quran.com/2/221?translations=19 ''The Meaning of the Glorious Koran''] by [[Marmaduke Pickthall]] * '''نِسَآؤُكُمْ حَرْثٌۭ لَّكُمْ فَأْتُوا۟ حَرْثَكُمْ أَنَّىٰ شِئْتُمْ ۖ وَقَدِّمُوا۟ لِأَنفُسِكُمْ ۚ وَٱتَّقُوا۟ ٱللَّهَ وَٱعْلَمُوٓا۟ أَنَّكُم مُّلَـٰقُوهُ ۗ وَبَشِّرِ ٱلْمُؤْمِنِينَ''' ** [https://quran.com/2/223 Quran 2:223] ** Translations: *** Your wives are like farmland for you, so approach them ˹consensually˺ as you please. And send forth something good for yourselves. Be mindful of Allah, and know that you will meet Him. And give good news to the believers. **** [https://quran.com/2/223?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] *** Your wives are as a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will; but do some good act for your souls beforehand; and fear Allah. And know that ye are to meet Him (in the Hereafter), and give (these) good tidings to those who believe. **** [https://quran.com/2/223?translations=22 ''The Holy Qur'an: Text, Translation and Commentary''] by [[w:Abdullah Yusuf Ali|Abdullah Yusuf Ali]] * '''فَإِن [[w:Divorce in Islam|طَلَّقَهَا]] فَلَا تَحِلُّ لَهُۥ مِنۢ بَعْدُ حَتَّىٰ تَنكِحَ زَوْجًا غَيْرَهُۥ ۗ فَإِن طَلَّقَهَا فَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْهِمَآ أَن يَتَرَاجَعَآ إِن ظَنَّآ أَن يُقِيمَا حُدُودَ ٱللَّهِ ۗ وَتِلْكَ حُدُودُ ٱللَّهِ يُبَيِّنُهَا لِقَوْمٍۢ يَعْلَمُونَ''' ** [https://quran.com/2/230 Quran 2:230] ** Translations: *** So if a husband [[w:Divorce in Islam|divorces his wife]] ˹three times˺, then it is not lawful for him to remarry her until after she has married another man and then is divorced. Then it is permissible for them to reunite, as long as they feel they are able to maintain the limits of Allah. These are the limits set by Allah, which He makes clear for people of knowledge. **** [https://quran.com/2/230?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''وَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلَّا تُقْسِطُوا۟ فِى ٱلْيَتَـٰمَىٰ فَٱنكِحُوا۟ مَا طَابَ لَكُم مِّنَ ٱلنِّسَآءِ [[w:Polygyny in Islam|مَثْنَىٰ وَثُلَـٰثَ وَرُبَـٰعَ]] فَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلَّا تَعْدِلُوا۟ فَوَٰحِدَةً أَوْ مَا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَـٰنُكُمْ ۚ ذَٰلِكَ أَدْنَىٰٓ أَلَّا تَعُولُوا۟''' ** [https://quran.com/4/3 Quran 4:3] ** Translations: *** If you fear you might fail to give orphan women their ˹due˺ rights ˹if you were to marry them˺, then marry other women of your choice—[[w:Polygyny in Islam|two, three, or four]]. But if you are afraid you will fail to maintain justice, then ˹content yourselves with˺ one or those ˹bondwomen˺ in your possession. This way you are less likely to commit injustice. **** [https://quran.com/4/3?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''ٱلرِّجَالُ قَوَّٰمُونَ عَلَى ٱلنِّسَآءِ بِمَا فَضَّلَ ٱللَّهُ بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَىٰ بَعْضٍۢ وَبِمَآ أَنفَقُوا۟ مِنْ أَمْوَٰلِهِمْ ۚ فَٱلصَّـٰلِحَـٰتُ قَـٰنِتَـٰتٌ حَـٰفِظَـٰتٌۭ لِّلْغَيْبِ بِمَا حَفِظَ ٱللَّهُ ۚ وَٱلَّـٰتِى تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّ وَٱهْجُرُوهُنَّ فِى ٱلْمَضَاجِعِ [[w:An-Nisa, 34|وَٱضْرِبُوهُنَّ]] فَإِنْ أَطَعْنَكُمْ فَلَا تَبْغُوا۟ عَلَيْهِنَّ سَبِيلًا ۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيًّۭا كَبِيرًۭا''' ** [https://quran.com/4/34 Quran 4:34] ** Translations: *** Men are the caretakers of women, as men have been provisioned by Allah over women and tasked with supporting them financially. And righteous women are devoutly obedient and, when alone, protective of what Allah has entrusted them with. And if you sense ill-conduct from your women, advise them ˹first˺, ˹if they persist,˺ do not share their beds, ˹but if they still persist,˺ then [[w:An-Nisa, 34|discipline them]] ˹gently˺. But if they change their ways, do not be unjust to them. Surely Allah is Most High, All-Great. **** [https://quran.com/4/34?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] *** Men are in charge of women, because Allah hath made the one of them to excel the other, and because they spend of their property (for the support of women). So good women are the obedient, guarding in secret that which Allah hath guarded. As for those from whom ye fear rebellion, admonish them and banish them to beds apart, and [[w:An-Nisa, 34|scourge them]]. Then if they obey you, seek not a way against them. Lo! Allah is ever High, Exalted, Great. **** [https://quran.com/4/34?translations=19 ''The Meaning of the Glorious Koran''] by [[Marmaduke Pickthall]] *** Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard. As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (Next), refuse to share their beds, (And last) [[w:An-Nisa, 34|beat them]] (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them Means (of annoyance): For Allah is Most High, great (above you all). **** [https://quran.com/4/34?translations=22 ''The Holy Qur'an: Text, Translation and Commentary''] by [[w:Abdullah Yusuf Ali|Abdullah Yusuf Ali]] *** Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allāh has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allāh would have them guard. But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance – [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], [[w:An-Nisa, 34|strike them]] [lightly]. But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allāh is ever Exalted and Grand. **** [https://quran.com/4/34?translations=20 ''Saheeh International translation''] by [[w:Sahih International|Umm Muhammad, Mary Kennedy and Amatullah Bantley]] ** Comments: *** See the Wikipedia article [[w:An-Nisa, 34|An-Nisa, 34]]. * '''ٱلزَّانِى لَا يَنكِحُ إِلَّا زَانِيَةً أَوْ مُشْرِكَةًۭ وَٱلزَّانِيَةُ لَا يَنكِحُهَآ إِلَّا زَانٍ أَوْ مُشْرِكٌۭ ۚ وَحُرِّمَ ذَٰلِكَ عَلَى ٱلْمُؤْمِنِينَ''' ** [https://quran.com/24/3 Quran 24:3] ** Translations: *** A male fornicator would only marry a female fornicator or idolatress. And a female fornicator would only be married to a fornicator or idolater. This is ˹all˺ forbidden to the believers. **** [https://quran.com/24/3?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] *** The adulterer may marry only an adulteress or an idolatress; and adulteress may marry only an adulterer or an idolater. True believers are forbidden such marriages.{{Citation needed}} * '''وَأَنكِحُوا۟ ٱلْأَيَـٰمَىٰ مِنكُمْ وَٱلصَّـٰلِحِينَ مِنْ عِبَادِكُمْ وَإِمَآئِكُمْ ۚ إِن يَكُونُوا۟ فُقَرَآءَ يُغْنِهِمُ ٱللَّهُ مِن فَضْلِهِۦ ۗ وَٱللَّهُ وَٰسِعٌ عَلِيمٌۭ''' ** [https://quran.com/24/32 Quran 24:32] ** Translations: *** Marry off the ˹free˺ singles among you, as well as the righteous of your bondmen and bondwomen. If they are poor, Allah will enrich them out of His bounty. For Allah is All-Bountiful, All-Knowing. **** [https://quran.com/24/32?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''وَمِنْ ءَايَـٰتِهِۦٓ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَٰجًۭا لِّتَسْكُنُوٓا۟ إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةًۭ وَرَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِى ذَٰلِكَ لَـَٔايَـٰتٍۢ لِّقَوْمٍۢ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ''' ** [https://quran.com/30/21 Quran 30:21] ** Translations: *** And one of His signs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves so that you may find comfort in them. And He has placed between you compassion and mercy. Surely in this are signs for people who reflect. **** [https://quran.com/30/21?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] == Ahadith == === Kutub al-Sittah === ==== Sunan Ibn Majah ==== * It was narrated from Abu Hurairah that: the Messenger of Allah said: “No woman should arrange the marriage of another woman, and no woman should arrange her own marriage. The adulteress is the one who arranges her own marriage.” (Sahih) ** Sunan Ibn Majah 3:9:1882 * It was narrated from Aishah that : the Messenger of Allah said: “Any woman whose marriage is not arranged by her guardian, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid. If (the man) has had intercourse with her, then the Mahr belongs to her in return for his intimacy with her. And if there is any dispute then the ruler is the guardian of the one who does not have a guardian.” (Sahih) ** Sunan Ibn Majah 3:9:1879 * It was narrated from Abu Hurairah that: the Prophet said: “A woman may be married for four things: Her wealth, her lineage, her beauty or for her religion. Choose the religious, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).” (Sahih) ** Sunan Ibn Majah 3:9:1858 * It was narrated that Ash'ath bin Qais said: "I was a guest (at the home) of 'Umar one night, and in the middle of the night he went and hit his wife, and I separated them. When he went to bed he said to me: 'O Ash'ath, learn from me something that I heard from the Messenger of Allah" A man should not be asked why he beats his wife, and do not go to sleep until you have prayed the Witr."' And I forgot the third thing." (Hasan) ** Sunan Ibn Majah 3:9:1986 * It was narrated that: Abdullah bin Abu Awfa said” When Muadh bin Jabal came from Sham, he prostrated to the Prophet who said: 'What is this, O Muadh?' He said: 'I went to Sham and saw them prostrating their bishops and patricians and I wanted to do that for you.' The messenger of Allah said: 'Do not do that. If I were to command anyone to prostrate to anyone other than Allah, I would have commanded women to prostrate to their husbands. By the one in who hand is the soul of Muhammad! No woman can fulfill her duty towards Allah until she fulfills her duty towards her husband. If he asks her (for intimacy) even if she is on her camel saddle, she should not refuse.' “(Hasan) ** Sunan Ibn Majah 3:9:1853 ** Reported by Abu Dawood, Ahmad, Tirmizi, Ibn Magah and Ibn Haban. * It was narrated from Abu Hurairah that: the Messenger of Allah said: “No woman should arrange the marriage of another woman, and no woman should arrange her own marriage. The adulteress is the one who arranges her own marriage.” (Sahih) ** Sunan Ibn Majah 3:9:1882 * It was narrated that Iyas bin 'Abdullah bin Abu Dhubab said: "The Prophet said: 'Do not beat the female slaves of Allah.' Then 'Umar came to the Prophet and said: 'O Messenger of Allah, the woman have become bold towards their husbands? So order the beating of them,' and they were beaten. Then many women went around to the family of Muhammad,. The next day he said: 'Last night seventy women came to the family of Muhammad, each woman complaining about her husband. You will not find that those are the best of you.' " (Sahih) ** Sunan Ibn Majah 3:9:1985 ==== Sahih Muslim ==== * He (Muhammad b. Qais) then reported that it was 'A'isha who had narrated this: Should I not narrate to you about myself and about the Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him)? We said: Yes. She said: When it was my turn for Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) to spend the night with me, he turned his side, put on his mantle and took off his shoes and placed them near his feet, and spread the corner of his shawl on his bed and then lay down till he thought that I had gone to sleep. He took hold of his mantle slowly and put on the shoes slowly, and opened the door and went out and then closed it lightly. I covered my head, put on my veil and tightened my waist wrapper, and then went out following his steps till he reached Baqi'. He stood there and he stood for a long time. He then lifted his hands three times, and then returned and I also returned. He hastened his steps and I also hastened my steps. He ran and I too ran. He came (to the house) and I also came (to the house). I, however, preceded him and I entered (the house), and as I lay down in the bed, he (the Holy Prophet) entered the (house), and said: Why is it, O 'A'isha, that you are out of breath? I said: There is nothing. He said: Tell me or the Subtle and the Aware would inform me. I said: Messenger of Allah, may my father and mother be ransom for you, and then I told him (the whole story). He said: Was it the darkness (of your shadow) that I saw in front of me? I said: Yes. He struck me on the chest which caused me pain, and then said: Did you think that Allah and His Apostle would deal unjustly with you?..." ** Sahih Muslim 4:2127 * Humaid b. 'Abd al-Rahman b. 'Auf reported that his mother Umm Kulthum daughter of 'Uqba b. Abu Mu'ait, and she was one amongst the first emigrants who pledged allegiance to Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him), as saying that she heard Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: A liar is not one who tries to bring reconciliation amongst people and speaks good (in order to avert dispute), or he conveys good. Ibn Shihab said he did not hear that exemption was granted in anything what the people speak as lie but in three cases: in battle, for bringing reconciliation amongst persons and the narration of the words of the husband to his wife, and the narration of the words of a wife to her husband (in a twisted form in order to bring reconciliation between them). ** Sahih Muslim 32:6303 ==== Sunan Abu Dawud ==== * Narrated Umar ibn al-Khattab: The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: A man will not be asked as to why he beat his wife. ** Sunan Abu Dawud 11:2142 * Narrated Abdullah ibn AbuDhubab: Iyas ibn Abdullah ibn AbuDhubab reported the Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him) as saying: Do not beat Allah's handmaidens, but when Umar came to the Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him) and said: Women have become emboldened towards their husbands, he (the Prophet) gave permission to beat them. Then many women came round the family of the Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him) complaining against their husbands. So the Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him) said: Many women have gone round Muhammad's family complaining against their husbands. They are not the best among you. ** Sunan Abu Dawud 11:2141 ==== Muwatta Imam Malik ==== * Malik said, "The mourning of a young girl who has not yet had a menstrual period takes the same form as the mourning of one who has had a period. She avoids what a mature woman avoids if her husband dies." ** Al-Muwatta 29:108 * The prophet of Allah said: When a man calls his wife to satisfy his desire, let her come to him though she is occupied at the oven. ** Mishkat al-Masabih Book I, Section 'Duties of husband and wife', Hadith No. 61 * Iyas b. Abdullah reported God's messenger as saying, "Do not beat God's handmaidens;" but when `Umar came to God's messenger and said, "The women have become emboldened towards their husbands," he gave licence to beat them. Then many women went round God's messenger's family complaining of their husbands, and he said, "Many women have gone around complaining of their husbands. Those are not the best among you." Abu Dawud, Ibn Majah, and Darimi transmitted it. ** Mishkat Al-Masabih: Volume 2, page 692 ==== [[Sahih Bukhari]] ==== * حَدَّثَنَا مُعَاذُ بْنُ فَضَالَةَ، حَدَّثَنَا هِشَامٌ، عَنْ يَحْيَى، عَنْ أَبِي سَلَمَةَ، أَنَّ أَبَا<br>هُرَيْرَةَ، حَدَّثَهُمْ أَنَّ النَّبِيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ ‏"‏ لاَ تُنْكَحُ الأَيِّمُ حَتَّىتُسْتَأْمَرَ وَلاَ تُنْكَحُ الْبِكْرُ حَتَّى تُسْتَأْذَنَ ‏"‏‏.‏ قَالُوا يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ وَكَيْفَ إِذْنُهَا<br>قَالَ ‏"‏ أَنْ تَسْكُتَ ‏"‏‏.‏ ** Narrated {{w|Abu Huraira}}: The Prophet said, "A matron [[w:Marriage in Islam#Conditions|should not be given]] in marriage except after consulting her; and a [[w:Virginity in Islam|virgin]] should not be given in marriage except after her [[Consent|permission]]." The people asked, "O Allah's Apostle! How can we know her permission?" He said, "Her silence (indicates her permission)." *** [https://www.iium.edu.my/deed/hadith/bukhari/062_sbt.html Book 62], Number 67. Compiled by {{w|Muhammad al-Bukhari}}. Translated into English by {{w|Muhammad Muhsin Khan}} in ''{{w|The Translation of the Meanings Of Sahih Al-Bukhari}}'', 1971, ''{{w|International Islamic University Malaysia}}'' * حَدَّثَنَا عَمْرُو بْنُ الرَّبِيعِ بْنِ طَارِقٍ، قَالَ أَخْبَرَنَا اللَّيْثُ، عَنِ ابْنِ أَبِي<br>مُلَيْكَةَ، عَنْ أَبِي عَمْرٍو، مَوْلَى عَائِشَةَ عَنْ عَائِشَةَ، أَنَّهَا قَالَتْ يَا رَسُولَ<br>اللَّهِ إِنَّ الْبِكْرَ تَسْتَحِي‏.‏ قَالَ ‏ "‏ رِضَاهَا صَمْتُهَا ‏"‏‏. ** Narrated '[[Aisha]]:<br>I said, "O Allah's Apostle! A virgin feels shy." He said, "Her consent is (expressed by) her silence." *** [https://www.iium.edu.my/deed/hadith/bukhari/062_sbt.html Book 62], Number 68. Compiled by {{w|Muhammad al-Bukhari}}. Translated into English by {{w|Muhammad Muhsin Khan}} in ''{{w|The Translation of the Meanings Of Sahih Al-Bukhari}}'', 1971, ''{{w|International Islamic University Malaysia}}'' * حَدَّثَنَا إِسْمَاعِيلُ، قَالَ حَدَّثَنِي مَالِكٌ، عَنْ عَبْدِ الرَّحْمَنِ بْنِ الْقَاسِمِ، عَنْ<br>أَبِيهِ، عَنْ عَبْدِ الرَّحْمَنِ، وَمُجَمِّعٍ، ابْنَىْ يَزِيدَ بْنِ جَارِيَةَ عَنْ خَنْسَاءَ بِنْتِ<br>خِذَامٍ الأَنْصَارِيَّةِ، أَنَّ أَبَاهَا، زَوَّجَهَا وَهْىَ ثَيِّبٌ، فَكَرِهَتْ ذَلِكَ فَأَتَتْ<br>رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم فَرَدَّ نِكَاحَهُ‏.‏ ** Narrated [[w:Al-Khansa|Khansa bint Khidam Al-Ansariya]]: that [[w:Wali (Islamic legal guardian)|her father]] gave her in marriage when she was a matron and she disliked that marriage. So she went to Allah's Apostle and he declared that marriage invalid. *** [https://www.iium.edu.my/deed/hadith/bukhari/062_sbt.html Book 62], Number 68. Compiled by {{w|Muhammad al-Bukhari}}. Translated into English by {{w|Muhammad Muhsin Khan}} in ''{{w|The Translation of the Meanings Of Sahih Al-Bukhari}}'', 1971, ''{{w|International Islamic University Malaysia}}'' * Narrated Abu Usaid: We went out with the Prophet to a garden called Ash-Shaut till we reached two walls between which we sat down. The Prophet said, "Sit here," and went in (the garden). The Jauniyya (a lady from Bani Jaun) had been brought and lodged in a house in a date-palm garden in the home of Umaima bint An-Nu'man bin Sharahil, and her wet nurse was with her. When the Prophet entered upon her, he said to her, "Give me yourself (in marriage) as a gift." She said, "Can a princess give herself in marriage to an ordinary man?" The Prophet raised his hand to pat her so that she might become tranquil. She said, "I seek refuge with Allah from you." He said, "You have sought refuge with One Who gives refuge. Then the Prophet came out to us and said, "O Abu Usaid! Give her two white linen dresses to wear and let her go back to her family." Narrated Sahl and Abu Usaid: The Prophet married Umaima bint Sharahil, and when she was brought to him, he stretched his hand towards her. It seemed that she disliked that, whereupon the Prophet ordered Abu Usaid to prepare her and to provide her with two white linen dresses. (See Hadith No. 541). ** Sahih Bukhari 7:63:182 * Narrated 'Aisha: I asked the Prophet, "O Allah's Apostle! Should the women be asked for their consent to their marriage?" He said, "Yes." I said, "A virgin, if asked, feels shy and keeps quiet." He said, "Her silence means her consent." ** Sahih Bukhari 9:85:79 * Narrated Jabir bin 'Abdullah: I was accompanying the Prophet on a journey and was riding a slow camel that was lagging behind the others. The Prophet passed by me and asked, "Who is this?" I replied, "Jabir bin 'Abdullah." He asked, "What is the matter, (why are you late)?" I replied, "I am riding a slow camel." He asked, "Do you have a stick?" I replied in the affirmative. He said, "Give it to me." When I gave it to him, he beat the camel and rebuked it. Then that camel surpassed the others thenceforth. The Prophet said, "Sell it to me." I replied, "It is (a gift) for you, O Allah's Apostle." He said, "Sell it to me. I have bought it for four Dinars (gold pieces) and you can keep on riding it till Medina." When we approached Medina, I started going (towards my house). The Prophet said, "Where are you going?" I Sad, "I have married a widow." He said, "Why have you not married a virgin to fondle with each other?" I said, "My father died and left daughters, so I decided to marry a widow (an experienced woman) (to look after them)." He said, "Well done." When we reached Medina, Allah's Apostle said, "O Bilal, pay him (the price of the camel) and give him extra money." Bilal gave me four Dinars and one Qirat extra. (A sub-narrator said): Jabir added, "The extra Qirat of Allah's Apostle never parted from me." The Qirat was always in Jabir bin 'Abdullah's purse. ** Sahih Bukhari 3:38:504 * Narrated Jabir bin Abdullah: While we were returning from a Ghazwa (Holy Battle) with the Prophet, I started driving my camel fast, as it was a lazy camel A rider came behind me and pricked my camel with a spear he had with him, and then my camel started running as fast as the best camel you may see. Behold! The rider was the Prophet himself. He said, 'What makes you in such a hurry?" I replied, I am newly married " He said, "Did you marry a virgin or a matron? I replied, "A matron." He said, "Why didn't you marry a young girl so that you may play with her and she with you?" When we were about to enter (Medina), the Prophet said, "Wait so that you may enter (Medina) at night so that the lady of unkempt hair may comb her hair and the one whose husband has been absent may shave her pubic region. ** Sahih Bukhari 7:62:16 * Narrated Jabir bin 'Abdullah: When I got married, Allah's Apostle said to me, "What type of lady have you married?" I replied, "I have married a matron' He said, "Why, don't you have a liking for the virgins and for fondling them?" Jabir also said: Allah's Apostle said, "Why didn't you marry a young girl so that you might play with her and she with you?' ** Sahih Bukhari 7:62:17 * If a husband calls his wife to his bed [i.e. to have sexual relation] and she refuses and causes him to sleep in anger, the angels will curse her till morning. ** Bukhari 4.54.460 === Mishkat al-Masabih === * Had I ordered anybody to prostrate before any one, I would have ordered women to prostrate before their husbands on account of men's rights over the women ordained by Allah. ** Mishkat al-Masabih Section 'Duties of husband and wife', Hadith No. 70 == Quotes == * There is one passage, however, which apparently endorses a pre-Islamic Arab custom. This is the sentence at the end of [https://quran.com/4/34 verse 38] permitting a husband to beat his wife: "And those women whose insubordination you fear, admonish them, then leave them alone in the beds, then [[w:An-Nisa, 34|beat]] them!" … [[w:Abu Bakr|Abu Bakr]]'s daughter [[w:Asma bint Abi Bakr|Asma]], who was the fourth wife of [[w:Zubayr ibn al-Awwam|Zobayr b. ol-Awwam]] (one of the Prophet's first ten converts and principal [[w:Companions of the Prophet|companions]]), is reported to have said, "Whenever Zobayr was angry with one of us, he used to beat her until the stick broke." ** [[Ali Dashti]]: ''[[Twenty Three Years: A Study of the Prophetic Career of Mohammad]]'', pp. 115–116 * A man should marry four wives: A [[Persia|Persian]] to have some one to talk to; a Khurasani woman for his housework; a Hindu for [[nursing]] his children; a woman from Mawaraun nahr, or Transoxiana, to have some one to whip as a warning to the other three. ** Ain-i-Akbari by Abul Fazl, trans. by H. Blochmann. I, 327. Quoted from Lal, K. S. (1994). Muslim slave system in medieval India. New Delhi: Aditya Prakashan. Chapter 7. Also cited in Herklot, Islam in India, 85-86. * There is the Islamic view of marriage. Apologists of Islam, ever so anxious to show how progressive and avant-garde and modern their religion has always been, never tire of saying: In Islam marriage is not a sacrament, it is just a contract. Woman, as we shall see when we turn to the Quran and the Hadis, is just an ‘affliction’ that man has to suffer; she is just a field that he may irrigate or not irrigate as it pleases him; at best she is one of the things that Allah has created for him to enjoy; when on top of all this marriage is but a contract specifying the terms on which he may enjoy the thing—the mehr, as Ram Swarup reminds us being literally the ‘wages’ or ‘hire’ for using the woman—the ulema naturally visit all the consequences on the woman. The husband has but to enjoy the woman, and when he tires of her can just cast her off paying her the nominal maintenance, and the mehr which had been agreed to in the contract. And Allah, in His mercy, has not put these latter at anyonerous level. The minimum mutah, the consolatory gift, we learn, is one pair of clothes and the maximum is one slave or slave girl. The maintenance is to be board and lodging for just three months. And while it is fashionable nowadays to fix the mehr at poetically grandiloquent levels, it is just as fixed a practice to have the wife agree to forego it on the nuptial night itself. [...] The Quran (2.241) explicitly says, ‘Those of you who die leaving surviving widows shall bequeath to their widows provisions for a year without (their) being turned out.’ In direct contravention to this the compendium of Islamic law, the Hidayah, states, ‘Maintenance is not due to a woman after her husband’s decease...’ The Imamia goes even further to say, ‘A widow has no right to maintenance even though she be pregnant.’ ** Arun Shourie - The World of Fatwas Or The Sharia in Action (2012, Harper Collins) == External links == {{wikipedia}} [[Category:Marriage and religion]] [[Category:Islam and women]] [[Category:Islamic law]] pqx9v2yvhbn5mkcz6vws5kn718k0l1f 3779113 3779112 2025-07-15T11:46:32Z SolarisQ 3137151 Used arabic template 3779113 wikitext text/x-wiki In Islam, '''[[w:marriage in Islam|marriage]]''' (Arabic: {{arabic|نِكَاح}}, romanized: Nikāḥ) is a legal contract between a man and a woman. Both the groom and the bride are to consent to the marriage of their own free wills. A formal, binding contract – verbal or on paper – is considered integral to a religiously valid Islamic marriage, and outlines the rights and responsibilities of the groom and bride. There must be two Muslim witnesses of the marriage contract. Divorce in Islam can take a variety of forms, some executed by a husband personally and some executed by a religious court on behalf of a plaintiff wife who is successful in her legal divorce petition for valid cause. == Quran == * {{arabic|weight=bold|وَلَا تَنكِحُوا۟ ٱلْمُشْرِكَـٰتِ حَتَّىٰ يُؤْمِنَّ ۚ وَلَأَمَةٌۭ مُّؤْمِنَةٌ خَيْرٌۭ مِّن مُّشْرِكَةٍۢ وَلَوْ أَعْجَبَتْكُمْ ۗ وَلَا تُنكِحُوا۟ ٱلْمُشْرِكِينَ حَتَّىٰ يُؤْمِنُوا۟ ۚ وَلَعَبْدٌۭ مُّؤْمِنٌ خَيْرٌۭ مِّن مُّشْرِكٍۢ وَلَوْ أَعْجَبَكُمْ ۗ أُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ يَدْعُونَ إِلَى [[Jahannam|ٱلنَّارِ]] ۖ وَٱللَّهُ يَدْعُوٓا۟ إِلَى [[Jannah|ٱلْجَنَّةِ]] وَٱلْمَغْفِرَةِ بِإِذْنِهِۦ ۖ وَيُبَيِّنُ ءَايَـٰتِهِۦ لِلنَّاسِ لَعَلَّهُمْ يَتَذَكَّرُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/2/221 Quran 2:221] ** Translations: *** Do not marry polytheistic women until they believe; for a believing slave-woman is better than a free polytheist, even though she may look pleasant to you. And do not marry your women to polytheistic men until they believe, for a believing slave-man is better than a free polytheist, even though he may look pleasant to you. They invite ˹you˺ to the [[Jahannam|Fire]] while Allah invites ˹you˺ to [[Jannah|Paradise]] and forgiveness by His grace. He makes His revelations clear to the people so perhaps they will be mindful. **** [https://quran.com/2/221?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] *** Wed not idolatresses till they believe; for lo! a believing bondwoman is better than an idolatress though she please you; and give not your daughters in marriage to idolaters till they believe, for lo! a believing slave is better than an idolater though he please you. These invite unto the [[Jahannam|Fire]], and Allah inviteth unto the [[Jannah|Garden]], and unto forgiveness by His grace, and expoundeth His revelations to mankind that haply they may remember. **** [https://quran.com/2/221?translations=19 ''The Meaning of the Glorious Koran''] by [[Marmaduke Pickthall]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|نِسَآؤُكُمْ حَرْثٌۭ لَّكُمْ فَأْتُوا۟ حَرْثَكُمْ أَنَّىٰ شِئْتُمْ ۖ وَقَدِّمُوا۟ لِأَنفُسِكُمْ ۚ وَٱتَّقُوا۟ ٱللَّهَ وَٱعْلَمُوٓا۟ أَنَّكُم مُّلَـٰقُوهُ ۗ وَبَشِّرِ ٱلْمُؤْمِنِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/2/223 Quran 2:223] ** Translations: *** Your wives are like farmland for you, so approach them ˹consensually˺ as you please. And send forth something good for yourselves. Be mindful of Allah, and know that you will meet Him. And give good news to the believers. **** [https://quran.com/2/223?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] *** Your wives are as a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will; but do some good act for your souls beforehand; and fear Allah. And know that ye are to meet Him (in the Hereafter), and give (these) good tidings to those who believe. **** [https://quran.com/2/223?translations=22 ''The Holy Qur'an: Text, Translation and Commentary''] by [[w:Abdullah Yusuf Ali|Abdullah Yusuf Ali]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|فَإِن [[w:Divorce in Islam|طَلَّقَهَا]] فَلَا تَحِلُّ لَهُۥ مِنۢ بَعْدُ حَتَّىٰ تَنكِحَ زَوْجًا غَيْرَهُۥ ۗ فَإِن طَلَّقَهَا فَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْهِمَآ أَن يَتَرَاجَعَآ إِن ظَنَّآ أَن يُقِيمَا حُدُودَ ٱللَّهِ ۗ وَتِلْكَ حُدُودُ ٱللَّهِ يُبَيِّنُهَا لِقَوْمٍۢ يَعْلَمُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/2/230 Quran 2:230] ** Translations: *** So if a husband [[w:Divorce in Islam|divorces his wife]] ˹three times˺, then it is not lawful for him to remarry her until after she has married another man and then is divorced. Then it is permissible for them to reunite, as long as they feel they are able to maintain the limits of Allah. These are the limits set by Allah, which He makes clear for people of knowledge. **** [https://quran.com/2/230?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|وَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلَّا تُقْسِطُوا۟ فِى ٱلْيَتَـٰمَىٰ فَٱنكِحُوا۟ مَا طَابَ لَكُم مِّنَ ٱلنِّسَآءِ [[w:Polygyny in Islam|مَثْنَىٰ وَثُلَـٰثَ وَرُبَـٰعَ]] فَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلَّا تَعْدِلُوا۟ فَوَٰحِدَةً أَوْ مَا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَـٰنُكُمْ ۚ ذَٰلِكَ أَدْنَىٰٓ أَلَّا تَعُولُوا۟}} ** [https://quran.com/4/3 Quran 4:3] ** Translations: *** If you fear you might fail to give orphan women their ˹due˺ rights ˹if you were to marry them˺, then marry other women of your choice—[[w:Polygyny in Islam|two, three, or four]]. But if you are afraid you will fail to maintain justice, then ˹content yourselves with˺ one or those ˹bondwomen˺ in your possession. This way you are less likely to commit injustice. **** [https://quran.com/4/3?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|ٱلرِّجَالُ قَوَّٰمُونَ عَلَى ٱلنِّسَآءِ بِمَا فَضَّلَ ٱللَّهُ بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَىٰ بَعْضٍۢ وَبِمَآ أَنفَقُوا۟ مِنْ أَمْوَٰلِهِمْ ۚ فَٱلصَّـٰلِحَـٰتُ قَـٰنِتَـٰتٌ حَـٰفِظَـٰتٌۭ لِّلْغَيْبِ بِمَا حَفِظَ ٱللَّهُ ۚ وَٱلَّـٰتِى تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّ وَٱهْجُرُوهُنَّ فِى ٱلْمَضَاجِعِ [[w:An-Nisa, 34|وَٱضْرِبُوهُنَّ]] فَإِنْ أَطَعْنَكُمْ فَلَا تَبْغُوا۟ عَلَيْهِنَّ سَبِيلًا ۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيًّۭا كَبِيرًۭا}} ** [https://quran.com/4/34 Quran 4:34] ** Translations: *** Men are the caretakers of women, as men have been provisioned by Allah over women and tasked with supporting them financially. And righteous women are devoutly obedient and, when alone, protective of what Allah has entrusted them with. And if you sense ill-conduct from your women, advise them ˹first˺, ˹if they persist,˺ do not share their beds, ˹but if they still persist,˺ then [[w:An-Nisa, 34|discipline them]] ˹gently˺. But if they change their ways, do not be unjust to them. Surely Allah is Most High, All-Great. **** [https://quran.com/4/34?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] *** Men are in charge of women, because Allah hath made the one of them to excel the other, and because they spend of their property (for the support of women). So good women are the obedient, guarding in secret that which Allah hath guarded. As for those from whom ye fear rebellion, admonish them and banish them to beds apart, and [[w:An-Nisa, 34|scourge them]]. Then if they obey you, seek not a way against them. Lo! Allah is ever High, Exalted, Great. **** [https://quran.com/4/34?translations=19 ''The Meaning of the Glorious Koran''] by [[Marmaduke Pickthall]] *** Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard. As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (Next), refuse to share their beds, (And last) [[w:An-Nisa, 34|beat them]] (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them Means (of annoyance): For Allah is Most High, great (above you all). **** [https://quran.com/4/34?translations=22 ''The Holy Qur'an: Text, Translation and Commentary''] by [[w:Abdullah Yusuf Ali|Abdullah Yusuf Ali]] *** Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allāh has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allāh would have them guard. But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance – [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], [[w:An-Nisa, 34|strike them]] [lightly]. But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allāh is ever Exalted and Grand. **** [https://quran.com/4/34?translations=20 ''Saheeh International translation''] by [[w:Sahih International|Umm Muhammad, Mary Kennedy and Amatullah Bantley]] ** Comments: *** See the Wikipedia article [[w:An-Nisa, 34|An-Nisa, 34]]. * {{arabic|weight=bold|ٱلزَّانِى لَا يَنكِحُ إِلَّا زَانِيَةً أَوْ مُشْرِكَةًۭ وَٱلزَّانِيَةُ لَا يَنكِحُهَآ إِلَّا زَانٍ أَوْ مُشْرِكٌۭ ۚ وَحُرِّمَ ذَٰلِكَ عَلَى ٱلْمُؤْمِنِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/24/3 Quran 24:3] ** Translations: *** A male fornicator would only marry a female fornicator or idolatress. And a female fornicator would only be married to a fornicator or idolater. This is ˹all˺ forbidden to the believers. **** [https://quran.com/24/3?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] *** The adulterer may marry only an adulteress or an idolatress; and adulteress may marry only an adulterer or an idolater. True believers are forbidden such marriages.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|وَأَنكِحُوا۟ ٱلْأَيَـٰمَىٰ مِنكُمْ وَٱلصَّـٰلِحِينَ مِنْ عِبَادِكُمْ وَإِمَآئِكُمْ ۚ إِن يَكُونُوا۟ فُقَرَآءَ يُغْنِهِمُ ٱللَّهُ مِن فَضْلِهِۦ ۗ وَٱللَّهُ وَٰسِعٌ عَلِيمٌۭ}} ** [https://quran.com/24/32 Quran 24:32] ** Translations: *** Marry off the ˹free˺ singles among you, as well as the righteous of your bondmen and bondwomen. If they are poor, Allah will enrich them out of His bounty. For Allah is All-Bountiful, All-Knowing. **** [https://quran.com/24/32?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|وَمِنْ ءَايَـٰتِهِۦٓ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَٰجًۭا لِّتَسْكُنُوٓا۟ إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةًۭ وَرَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِى ذَٰلِكَ لَـَٔايَـٰتٍۢ لِّقَوْمٍۢ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/30/21 Quran 30:21] ** Translations: *** And one of His signs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves so that you may find comfort in them. And He has placed between you compassion and mercy. Surely in this are signs for people who reflect. **** [https://quran.com/30/21?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] == Ahadith == === Kutub al-Sittah === ==== Sunan Ibn Majah ==== * It was narrated from Abu Hurairah that: the Messenger of Allah said: “No woman should arrange the marriage of another woman, and no woman should arrange her own marriage. The adulteress is the one who arranges her own marriage.” (Sahih) ** Sunan Ibn Majah 3:9:1882 * It was narrated from Aishah that : the Messenger of Allah said: “Any woman whose marriage is not arranged by her guardian, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid. If (the man) has had intercourse with her, then the Mahr belongs to her in return for his intimacy with her. And if there is any dispute then the ruler is the guardian of the one who does not have a guardian.” (Sahih) ** Sunan Ibn Majah 3:9:1879 * It was narrated from Abu Hurairah that: the Prophet said: “A woman may be married for four things: Her wealth, her lineage, her beauty or for her religion. Choose the religious, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).” (Sahih) ** Sunan Ibn Majah 3:9:1858 * It was narrated that Ash'ath bin Qais said: "I was a guest (at the home) of 'Umar one night, and in the middle of the night he went and hit his wife, and I separated them. When he went to bed he said to me: 'O Ash'ath, learn from me something that I heard from the Messenger of Allah" A man should not be asked why he beats his wife, and do not go to sleep until you have prayed the Witr."' And I forgot the third thing." (Hasan) ** Sunan Ibn Majah 3:9:1986 * It was narrated that: Abdullah bin Abu Awfa said” When Muadh bin Jabal came from Sham, he prostrated to the Prophet who said: 'What is this, O Muadh?' He said: 'I went to Sham and saw them prostrating their bishops and patricians and I wanted to do that for you.' The messenger of Allah said: 'Do not do that. If I were to command anyone to prostrate to anyone other than Allah, I would have commanded women to prostrate to their husbands. By the one in who hand is the soul of Muhammad! No woman can fulfill her duty towards Allah until she fulfills her duty towards her husband. If he asks her (for intimacy) even if she is on her camel saddle, she should not refuse.' “(Hasan) ** Sunan Ibn Majah 3:9:1853 ** Reported by Abu Dawood, Ahmad, Tirmizi, Ibn Magah and Ibn Haban. * It was narrated from Abu Hurairah that: the Messenger of Allah said: “No woman should arrange the marriage of another woman, and no woman should arrange her own marriage. The adulteress is the one who arranges her own marriage.” (Sahih) ** Sunan Ibn Majah 3:9:1882 * It was narrated that Iyas bin 'Abdullah bin Abu Dhubab said: "The Prophet said: 'Do not beat the female slaves of Allah.' Then 'Umar came to the Prophet and said: 'O Messenger of Allah, the woman have become bold towards their husbands? So order the beating of them,' and they were beaten. Then many women went around to the family of Muhammad,. The next day he said: 'Last night seventy women came to the family of Muhammad, each woman complaining about her husband. You will not find that those are the best of you.' " (Sahih) ** Sunan Ibn Majah 3:9:1985 ==== Sahih Muslim ==== * He (Muhammad b. Qais) then reported that it was 'A'isha who had narrated this: Should I not narrate to you about myself and about the Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him)? We said: Yes. She said: When it was my turn for Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) to spend the night with me, he turned his side, put on his mantle and took off his shoes and placed them near his feet, and spread the corner of his shawl on his bed and then lay down till he thought that I had gone to sleep. He took hold of his mantle slowly and put on the shoes slowly, and opened the door and went out and then closed it lightly. I covered my head, put on my veil and tightened my waist wrapper, and then went out following his steps till he reached Baqi'. He stood there and he stood for a long time. He then lifted his hands three times, and then returned and I also returned. He hastened his steps and I also hastened my steps. He ran and I too ran. He came (to the house) and I also came (to the house). I, however, preceded him and I entered (the house), and as I lay down in the bed, he (the Holy Prophet) entered the (house), and said: Why is it, O 'A'isha, that you are out of breath? I said: There is nothing. He said: Tell me or the Subtle and the Aware would inform me. I said: Messenger of Allah, may my father and mother be ransom for you, and then I told him (the whole story). He said: Was it the darkness (of your shadow) that I saw in front of me? I said: Yes. He struck me on the chest which caused me pain, and then said: Did you think that Allah and His Apostle would deal unjustly with you?..." ** Sahih Muslim 4:2127 * Humaid b. 'Abd al-Rahman b. 'Auf reported that his mother Umm Kulthum daughter of 'Uqba b. Abu Mu'ait, and she was one amongst the first emigrants who pledged allegiance to Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him), as saying that she heard Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: A liar is not one who tries to bring reconciliation amongst people and speaks good (in order to avert dispute), or he conveys good. Ibn Shihab said he did not hear that exemption was granted in anything what the people speak as lie but in three cases: in battle, for bringing reconciliation amongst persons and the narration of the words of the husband to his wife, and the narration of the words of a wife to her husband (in a twisted form in order to bring reconciliation between them). ** Sahih Muslim 32:6303 ==== Sunan Abu Dawud ==== * Narrated Umar ibn al-Khattab: The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: A man will not be asked as to why he beat his wife. ** Sunan Abu Dawud 11:2142 * Narrated Abdullah ibn AbuDhubab: Iyas ibn Abdullah ibn AbuDhubab reported the Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him) as saying: Do not beat Allah's handmaidens, but when Umar came to the Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him) and said: Women have become emboldened towards their husbands, he (the Prophet) gave permission to beat them. Then many women came round the family of the Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him) complaining against their husbands. So the Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him) said: Many women have gone round Muhammad's family complaining against their husbands. They are not the best among you. ** Sunan Abu Dawud 11:2141 ==== Muwatta Imam Malik ==== * Malik said, "The mourning of a young girl who has not yet had a menstrual period takes the same form as the mourning of one who has had a period. She avoids what a mature woman avoids if her husband dies." ** Al-Muwatta 29:108 * The prophet of Allah said: When a man calls his wife to satisfy his desire, let her come to him though she is occupied at the oven. ** Mishkat al-Masabih Book I, Section 'Duties of husband and wife', Hadith No. 61 * Iyas b. Abdullah reported God's messenger as saying, "Do not beat God's handmaidens;" but when `Umar came to God's messenger and said, "The women have become emboldened towards their husbands," he gave licence to beat them. Then many women went round God's messenger's family complaining of their husbands, and he said, "Many women have gone around complaining of their husbands. Those are not the best among you." Abu Dawud, Ibn Majah, and Darimi transmitted it. ** Mishkat Al-Masabih: Volume 2, page 692 ==== [[Sahih Bukhari]] ==== * {{arabic|حَدَّثَنَا مُعَاذُ بْنُ فَضَالَةَ، حَدَّثَنَا هِشَامٌ، عَنْ يَحْيَى، عَنْ أَبِي سَلَمَةَ، أَنَّ أَبَا<br>هُرَيْرَةَ، حَدَّثَهُمْ أَنَّ النَّبِيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ ‏"‏ لاَ تُنْكَحُ الأَيِّمُ حَتَّىتُسْتَأْمَرَ وَلاَ تُنْكَحُ الْبِكْرُ حَتَّى تُسْتَأْذَنَ ‏"‏‏.‏ قَالُوا يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ وَكَيْفَ إِذْنُهَا<br>قَالَ ‏"‏ أَنْ تَسْكُتَ ‏"‏‏.‏}} ** Narrated {{w|Abu Huraira}}: The Prophet said, "A matron [[w:Marriage in Islam#Conditions|should not be given]] in marriage except after consulting her; and a [[w:Virginity in Islam|virgin]] should not be given in marriage except after her [[Consent|permission]]." The people asked, "O Allah's Apostle! How can we know her permission?" He said, "Her silence (indicates her permission)." *** [https://www.iium.edu.my/deed/hadith/bukhari/062_sbt.html Book 62], Number 67. Compiled by {{w|Muhammad al-Bukhari}}. Translated into English by {{w|Muhammad Muhsin Khan}} in ''{{w|The Translation of the Meanings Of Sahih Al-Bukhari}}'', 1971, ''{{w|International Islamic University Malaysia}}'' * {{arabic|حَدَّثَنَا عَمْرُو بْنُ الرَّبِيعِ بْنِ طَارِقٍ، قَالَ أَخْبَرَنَا اللَّيْثُ، عَنِ ابْنِ أَبِي<br>مُلَيْكَةَ، عَنْ أَبِي عَمْرٍو، مَوْلَى عَائِشَةَ عَنْ عَائِشَةَ، أَنَّهَا قَالَتْ يَا رَسُولَ<br>اللَّهِ إِنَّ الْبِكْرَ تَسْتَحِي‏.‏ قَالَ ‏ "‏ رِضَاهَا صَمْتُهَا ‏"‏‏.}} ** Narrated '[[Aisha]]:<br>I said, "O Allah's Apostle! A virgin feels shy." He said, "Her consent is (expressed by) her silence." *** [https://www.iium.edu.my/deed/hadith/bukhari/062_sbt.html Book 62], Number 68. Compiled by {{w|Muhammad al-Bukhari}}. Translated into English by {{w|Muhammad Muhsin Khan}} in ''{{w|The Translation of the Meanings Of Sahih Al-Bukhari}}'', 1971, ''{{w|International Islamic University Malaysia}}'' * {{arabic|حَدَّثَنَا إِسْمَاعِيلُ، قَالَ حَدَّثَنِي مَالِكٌ، عَنْ عَبْدِ الرَّحْمَنِ بْنِ الْقَاسِمِ، عَنْ<br>أَبِيهِ، عَنْ عَبْدِ الرَّحْمَنِ، وَمُجَمِّعٍ، ابْنَىْ يَزِيدَ بْنِ جَارِيَةَ عَنْ خَنْسَاءَ بِنْتِ<br>خِذَامٍ الأَنْصَارِيَّةِ، أَنَّ أَبَاهَا، زَوَّجَهَا وَهْىَ ثَيِّبٌ، فَكَرِهَتْ ذَلِكَ فَأَتَتْ<br>رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم فَرَدَّ نِكَاحَهُ‏.‏}} ** Narrated [[w:Al-Khansa|Khansa bint Khidam Al-Ansariya]]: that [[w:Wali (Islamic legal guardian)|her father]] gave her in marriage when she was a matron and she disliked that marriage. So she went to Allah's Apostle and he declared that marriage invalid. *** [https://www.iium.edu.my/deed/hadith/bukhari/062_sbt.html Book 62], Number 68. Compiled by {{w|Muhammad al-Bukhari}}. Translated into English by {{w|Muhammad Muhsin Khan}} in ''{{w|The Translation of the Meanings Of Sahih Al-Bukhari}}'', 1971, ''{{w|International Islamic University Malaysia}}'' * Narrated Abu Usaid: We went out with the Prophet to a garden called Ash-Shaut till we reached two walls between which we sat down. The Prophet said, "Sit here," and went in (the garden). The Jauniyya (a lady from Bani Jaun) had been brought and lodged in a house in a date-palm garden in the home of Umaima bint An-Nu'man bin Sharahil, and her wet nurse was with her. When the Prophet entered upon her, he said to her, "Give me yourself (in marriage) as a gift." She said, "Can a princess give herself in marriage to an ordinary man?" The Prophet raised his hand to pat her so that she might become tranquil. She said, "I seek refuge with Allah from you." He said, "You have sought refuge with One Who gives refuge. Then the Prophet came out to us and said, "O Abu Usaid! Give her two white linen dresses to wear and let her go back to her family." Narrated Sahl and Abu Usaid: The Prophet married Umaima bint Sharahil, and when she was brought to him, he stretched his hand towards her. It seemed that she disliked that, whereupon the Prophet ordered Abu Usaid to prepare her and to provide her with two white linen dresses. (See Hadith No. 541). ** Sahih Bukhari 7:63:182 * Narrated 'Aisha: I asked the Prophet, "O Allah's Apostle! Should the women be asked for their consent to their marriage?" He said, "Yes." I said, "A virgin, if asked, feels shy and keeps quiet." He said, "Her silence means her consent." ** Sahih Bukhari 9:85:79 * Narrated Jabir bin 'Abdullah: I was accompanying the Prophet on a journey and was riding a slow camel that was lagging behind the others. The Prophet passed by me and asked, "Who is this?" I replied, "Jabir bin 'Abdullah." He asked, "What is the matter, (why are you late)?" I replied, "I am riding a slow camel." He asked, "Do you have a stick?" I replied in the affirmative. He said, "Give it to me." When I gave it to him, he beat the camel and rebuked it. Then that camel surpassed the others thenceforth. The Prophet said, "Sell it to me." I replied, "It is (a gift) for you, O Allah's Apostle." He said, "Sell it to me. I have bought it for four Dinars (gold pieces) and you can keep on riding it till Medina." When we approached Medina, I started going (towards my house). The Prophet said, "Where are you going?" I Sad, "I have married a widow." He said, "Why have you not married a virgin to fondle with each other?" I said, "My father died and left daughters, so I decided to marry a widow (an experienced woman) (to look after them)." He said, "Well done." When we reached Medina, Allah's Apostle said, "O Bilal, pay him (the price of the camel) and give him extra money." Bilal gave me four Dinars and one Qirat extra. (A sub-narrator said): Jabir added, "The extra Qirat of Allah's Apostle never parted from me." The Qirat was always in Jabir bin 'Abdullah's purse. ** Sahih Bukhari 3:38:504 * Narrated Jabir bin Abdullah: While we were returning from a Ghazwa (Holy Battle) with the Prophet, I started driving my camel fast, as it was a lazy camel A rider came behind me and pricked my camel with a spear he had with him, and then my camel started running as fast as the best camel you may see. Behold! The rider was the Prophet himself. He said, 'What makes you in such a hurry?" I replied, I am newly married " He said, "Did you marry a virgin or a matron? I replied, "A matron." He said, "Why didn't you marry a young girl so that you may play with her and she with you?" When we were about to enter (Medina), the Prophet said, "Wait so that you may enter (Medina) at night so that the lady of unkempt hair may comb her hair and the one whose husband has been absent may shave her pubic region. ** Sahih Bukhari 7:62:16 * Narrated Jabir bin 'Abdullah: When I got married, Allah's Apostle said to me, "What type of lady have you married?" I replied, "I have married a matron' He said, "Why, don't you have a liking for the virgins and for fondling them?" Jabir also said: Allah's Apostle said, "Why didn't you marry a young girl so that you might play with her and she with you?' ** Sahih Bukhari 7:62:17 * If a husband calls his wife to his bed [i.e. to have sexual relation] and she refuses and causes him to sleep in anger, the angels will curse her till morning. ** Bukhari 4.54.460 === Mishkat al-Masabih === * Had I ordered anybody to prostrate before any one, I would have ordered women to prostrate before their husbands on account of men's rights over the women ordained by Allah. ** Mishkat al-Masabih Section 'Duties of husband and wife', Hadith No. 70 == Quotes == * There is one passage, however, which apparently endorses a pre-Islamic Arab custom. This is the sentence at the end of [https://quran.com/4/34 verse 38] permitting a husband to beat his wife: "And those women whose insubordination you fear, admonish them, then leave them alone in the beds, then [[w:An-Nisa, 34|beat]] them!" … [[w:Abu Bakr|Abu Bakr]]'s daughter [[w:Asma bint Abi Bakr|Asma]], who was the fourth wife of [[w:Zubayr ibn al-Awwam|Zobayr b. ol-Awwam]] (one of the Prophet's first ten converts and principal [[w:Companions of the Prophet|companions]]), is reported to have said, "Whenever Zobayr was angry with one of us, he used to beat her until the stick broke." ** [[Ali Dashti]]: ''[[Twenty Three Years: A Study of the Prophetic Career of Mohammad]]'', pp. 115–116 * A man should marry four wives: A [[Persia|Persian]] to have some one to talk to; a Khurasani woman for his housework; a Hindu for [[nursing]] his children; a woman from Mawaraun nahr, or Transoxiana, to have some one to whip as a warning to the other three. ** Ain-i-Akbari by Abul Fazl, trans. by H. Blochmann. I, 327. Quoted from Lal, K. S. (1994). Muslim slave system in medieval India. New Delhi: Aditya Prakashan. Chapter 7. Also cited in Herklot, Islam in India, 85-86. * There is the Islamic view of marriage. Apologists of Islam, ever so anxious to show how progressive and avant-garde and modern their religion has always been, never tire of saying: In Islam marriage is not a sacrament, it is just a contract. Woman, as we shall see when we turn to the Quran and the Hadis, is just an ‘affliction’ that man has to suffer; she is just a field that he may irrigate or not irrigate as it pleases him; at best she is one of the things that Allah has created for him to enjoy; when on top of all this marriage is but a contract specifying the terms on which he may enjoy the thing—the mehr, as Ram Swarup reminds us being literally the ‘wages’ or ‘hire’ for using the woman—the ulema naturally visit all the consequences on the woman. The husband has but to enjoy the woman, and when he tires of her can just cast her off paying her the nominal maintenance, and the mehr which had been agreed to in the contract. And Allah, in His mercy, has not put these latter at anyonerous level. The minimum mutah, the consolatory gift, we learn, is one pair of clothes and the maximum is one slave or slave girl. The maintenance is to be board and lodging for just three months. And while it is fashionable nowadays to fix the mehr at poetically grandiloquent levels, it is just as fixed a practice to have the wife agree to forego it on the nuptial night itself. [...] The Quran (2.241) explicitly says, ‘Those of you who die leaving surviving widows shall bequeath to their widows provisions for a year without (their) being turned out.’ In direct contravention to this the compendium of Islamic law, the Hidayah, states, ‘Maintenance is not due to a woman after her husband’s decease...’ The Imamia goes even further to say, ‘A widow has no right to maintenance even though she be pregnant.’ ** Arun Shourie - The World of Fatwas Or The Sharia in Action (2012, Harper Collins) == External links == {{wikipedia}} [[Category:Marriage and religion]] [[Category:Islam and women]] [[Category:Islamic law]] 6rda2pr6s1l0v1smr69vri059s1tb1l 3779114 3779113 2025-07-15T11:47:02Z SolarisQ 3137151 Right-aligned text 3779114 wikitext text/x-wiki In Islam, '''[[w:marriage in Islam|marriage]]''' (Arabic: {{arabic|نِكَاح}}, romanized: Nikāḥ) is a legal contract between a man and a woman. Both the groom and the bride are to consent to the marriage of their own free wills. A formal, binding contract – verbal or on paper – is considered integral to a religiously valid Islamic marriage, and outlines the rights and responsibilities of the groom and bride. There must be two Muslim witnesses of the marriage contract. Divorce in Islam can take a variety of forms, some executed by a husband personally and some executed by a religious court on behalf of a plaintiff wife who is successful in her legal divorce petition for valid cause. == Quran == * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|وَلَا تَنكِحُوا۟ ٱلْمُشْرِكَـٰتِ حَتَّىٰ يُؤْمِنَّ ۚ وَلَأَمَةٌۭ مُّؤْمِنَةٌ خَيْرٌۭ مِّن مُّشْرِكَةٍۢ وَلَوْ أَعْجَبَتْكُمْ ۗ وَلَا تُنكِحُوا۟ ٱلْمُشْرِكِينَ حَتَّىٰ يُؤْمِنُوا۟ ۚ وَلَعَبْدٌۭ مُّؤْمِنٌ خَيْرٌۭ مِّن مُّشْرِكٍۢ وَلَوْ أَعْجَبَكُمْ ۗ أُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ يَدْعُونَ إِلَى [[Jahannam|ٱلنَّارِ]] ۖ وَٱللَّهُ يَدْعُوٓا۟ إِلَى [[Jannah|ٱلْجَنَّةِ]] وَٱلْمَغْفِرَةِ بِإِذْنِهِۦ ۖ وَيُبَيِّنُ ءَايَـٰتِهِۦ لِلنَّاسِ لَعَلَّهُمْ يَتَذَكَّرُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/2/221 Quran 2:221] ** Translations: *** Do not marry polytheistic women until they believe; for a believing slave-woman is better than a free polytheist, even though she may look pleasant to you. And do not marry your women to polytheistic men until they believe, for a believing slave-man is better than a free polytheist, even though he may look pleasant to you. They invite ˹you˺ to the [[Jahannam|Fire]] while Allah invites ˹you˺ to [[Jannah|Paradise]] and forgiveness by His grace. He makes His revelations clear to the people so perhaps they will be mindful. **** [https://quran.com/2/221?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] *** Wed not idolatresses till they believe; for lo! a believing bondwoman is better than an idolatress though she please you; and give not your daughters in marriage to idolaters till they believe, for lo! a believing slave is better than an idolater though he please you. These invite unto the [[Jahannam|Fire]], and Allah inviteth unto the [[Jannah|Garden]], and unto forgiveness by His grace, and expoundeth His revelations to mankind that haply they may remember. **** [https://quran.com/2/221?translations=19 ''The Meaning of the Glorious Koran''] by [[Marmaduke Pickthall]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|نِسَآؤُكُمْ حَرْثٌۭ لَّكُمْ فَأْتُوا۟ حَرْثَكُمْ أَنَّىٰ شِئْتُمْ ۖ وَقَدِّمُوا۟ لِأَنفُسِكُمْ ۚ وَٱتَّقُوا۟ ٱللَّهَ وَٱعْلَمُوٓا۟ أَنَّكُم مُّلَـٰقُوهُ ۗ وَبَشِّرِ ٱلْمُؤْمِنِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/2/223 Quran 2:223] ** Translations: *** Your wives are like farmland for you, so approach them ˹consensually˺ as you please. And send forth something good for yourselves. Be mindful of Allah, and know that you will meet Him. And give good news to the believers. **** [https://quran.com/2/223?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] *** Your wives are as a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will; but do some good act for your souls beforehand; and fear Allah. And know that ye are to meet Him (in the Hereafter), and give (these) good tidings to those who believe. **** [https://quran.com/2/223?translations=22 ''The Holy Qur'an: Text, Translation and Commentary''] by [[w:Abdullah Yusuf Ali|Abdullah Yusuf Ali]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|فَإِن [[w:Divorce in Islam|طَلَّقَهَا]] فَلَا تَحِلُّ لَهُۥ مِنۢ بَعْدُ حَتَّىٰ تَنكِحَ زَوْجًا غَيْرَهُۥ ۗ فَإِن طَلَّقَهَا فَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْهِمَآ أَن يَتَرَاجَعَآ إِن ظَنَّآ أَن يُقِيمَا حُدُودَ ٱللَّهِ ۗ وَتِلْكَ حُدُودُ ٱللَّهِ يُبَيِّنُهَا لِقَوْمٍۢ يَعْلَمُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/2/230 Quran 2:230] ** Translations: *** So if a husband [[w:Divorce in Islam|divorces his wife]] ˹three times˺, then it is not lawful for him to remarry her until after she has married another man and then is divorced. Then it is permissible for them to reunite, as long as they feel they are able to maintain the limits of Allah. These are the limits set by Allah, which He makes clear for people of knowledge. **** [https://quran.com/2/230?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|وَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلَّا تُقْسِطُوا۟ فِى ٱلْيَتَـٰمَىٰ فَٱنكِحُوا۟ مَا طَابَ لَكُم مِّنَ ٱلنِّسَآءِ [[w:Polygyny in Islam|مَثْنَىٰ وَثُلَـٰثَ وَرُبَـٰعَ]] فَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلَّا تَعْدِلُوا۟ فَوَٰحِدَةً أَوْ مَا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَـٰنُكُمْ ۚ ذَٰلِكَ أَدْنَىٰٓ أَلَّا تَعُولُوا۟}} ** [https://quran.com/4/3 Quran 4:3] ** Translations: *** If you fear you might fail to give orphan women their ˹due˺ rights ˹if you were to marry them˺, then marry other women of your choice—[[w:Polygyny in Islam|two, three, or four]]. But if you are afraid you will fail to maintain justice, then ˹content yourselves with˺ one or those ˹bondwomen˺ in your possession. This way you are less likely to commit injustice. **** [https://quran.com/4/3?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|ٱلرِّجَالُ قَوَّٰمُونَ عَلَى ٱلنِّسَآءِ بِمَا فَضَّلَ ٱللَّهُ بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَىٰ بَعْضٍۢ وَبِمَآ أَنفَقُوا۟ مِنْ أَمْوَٰلِهِمْ ۚ فَٱلصَّـٰلِحَـٰتُ قَـٰنِتَـٰتٌ حَـٰفِظَـٰتٌۭ لِّلْغَيْبِ بِمَا حَفِظَ ٱللَّهُ ۚ وَٱلَّـٰتِى تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّ وَٱهْجُرُوهُنَّ فِى ٱلْمَضَاجِعِ [[w:An-Nisa, 34|وَٱضْرِبُوهُنَّ]] فَإِنْ أَطَعْنَكُمْ فَلَا تَبْغُوا۟ عَلَيْهِنَّ سَبِيلًا ۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيًّۭا كَبِيرًۭا}} ** [https://quran.com/4/34 Quran 4:34] ** Translations: *** Men are the caretakers of women, as men have been provisioned by Allah over women and tasked with supporting them financially. And righteous women are devoutly obedient and, when alone, protective of what Allah has entrusted them with. And if you sense ill-conduct from your women, advise them ˹first˺, ˹if they persist,˺ do not share their beds, ˹but if they still persist,˺ then [[w:An-Nisa, 34|discipline them]] ˹gently˺. But if they change their ways, do not be unjust to them. Surely Allah is Most High, All-Great. **** [https://quran.com/4/34?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] *** Men are in charge of women, because Allah hath made the one of them to excel the other, and because they spend of their property (for the support of women). So good women are the obedient, guarding in secret that which Allah hath guarded. As for those from whom ye fear rebellion, admonish them and banish them to beds apart, and [[w:An-Nisa, 34|scourge them]]. Then if they obey you, seek not a way against them. Lo! Allah is ever High, Exalted, Great. **** [https://quran.com/4/34?translations=19 ''The Meaning of the Glorious Koran''] by [[Marmaduke Pickthall]] *** Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard. As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (Next), refuse to share their beds, (And last) [[w:An-Nisa, 34|beat them]] (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them Means (of annoyance): For Allah is Most High, great (above you all). **** [https://quran.com/4/34?translations=22 ''The Holy Qur'an: Text, Translation and Commentary''] by [[w:Abdullah Yusuf Ali|Abdullah Yusuf Ali]] *** Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allāh has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allāh would have them guard. But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance – [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], [[w:An-Nisa, 34|strike them]] [lightly]. But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allāh is ever Exalted and Grand. **** [https://quran.com/4/34?translations=20 ''Saheeh International translation''] by [[w:Sahih International|Umm Muhammad, Mary Kennedy and Amatullah Bantley]] ** Comments: *** See the Wikipedia article [[w:An-Nisa, 34|An-Nisa, 34]]. * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|ٱلزَّانِى لَا يَنكِحُ إِلَّا زَانِيَةً أَوْ مُشْرِكَةًۭ وَٱلزَّانِيَةُ لَا يَنكِحُهَآ إِلَّا زَانٍ أَوْ مُشْرِكٌۭ ۚ وَحُرِّمَ ذَٰلِكَ عَلَى ٱلْمُؤْمِنِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/24/3 Quran 24:3] ** Translations: *** A male fornicator would only marry a female fornicator or idolatress. And a female fornicator would only be married to a fornicator or idolater. This is ˹all˺ forbidden to the believers. **** [https://quran.com/24/3?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] *** The adulterer may marry only an adulteress or an idolatress; and adulteress may marry only an adulterer or an idolater. True believers are forbidden such marriages.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|وَأَنكِحُوا۟ ٱلْأَيَـٰمَىٰ مِنكُمْ وَٱلصَّـٰلِحِينَ مِنْ عِبَادِكُمْ وَإِمَآئِكُمْ ۚ إِن يَكُونُوا۟ فُقَرَآءَ يُغْنِهِمُ ٱللَّهُ مِن فَضْلِهِۦ ۗ وَٱللَّهُ وَٰسِعٌ عَلِيمٌۭ}} ** [https://quran.com/24/32 Quran 24:32] ** Translations: *** Marry off the ˹free˺ singles among you, as well as the righteous of your bondmen and bondwomen. If they are poor, Allah will enrich them out of His bounty. For Allah is All-Bountiful, All-Knowing. **** [https://quran.com/24/32?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|وَمِنْ ءَايَـٰتِهِۦٓ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَٰجًۭا لِّتَسْكُنُوٓا۟ إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةًۭ وَرَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِى ذَٰلِكَ لَـَٔايَـٰتٍۢ لِّقَوْمٍۢ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/30/21 Quran 30:21] ** Translations: *** And one of His signs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves so that you may find comfort in them. And He has placed between you compassion and mercy. Surely in this are signs for people who reflect. **** [https://quran.com/30/21?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] == Ahadith == === Kutub al-Sittah === ==== Sunan Ibn Majah ==== * It was narrated from Abu Hurairah that: the Messenger of Allah said: “No woman should arrange the marriage of another woman, and no woman should arrange her own marriage. The adulteress is the one who arranges her own marriage.” (Sahih) ** Sunan Ibn Majah 3:9:1882 * It was narrated from Aishah that : the Messenger of Allah said: “Any woman whose marriage is not arranged by her guardian, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid. If (the man) has had intercourse with her, then the Mahr belongs to her in return for his intimacy with her. And if there is any dispute then the ruler is the guardian of the one who does not have a guardian.” (Sahih) ** Sunan Ibn Majah 3:9:1879 * It was narrated from Abu Hurairah that: the Prophet said: “A woman may be married for four things: Her wealth, her lineage, her beauty or for her religion. Choose the religious, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).” (Sahih) ** Sunan Ibn Majah 3:9:1858 * It was narrated that Ash'ath bin Qais said: "I was a guest (at the home) of 'Umar one night, and in the middle of the night he went and hit his wife, and I separated them. When he went to bed he said to me: 'O Ash'ath, learn from me something that I heard from the Messenger of Allah" A man should not be asked why he beats his wife, and do not go to sleep until you have prayed the Witr."' And I forgot the third thing." (Hasan) ** Sunan Ibn Majah 3:9:1986 * It was narrated that: Abdullah bin Abu Awfa said” When Muadh bin Jabal came from Sham, he prostrated to the Prophet who said: 'What is this, O Muadh?' He said: 'I went to Sham and saw them prostrating their bishops and patricians and I wanted to do that for you.' The messenger of Allah said: 'Do not do that. If I were to command anyone to prostrate to anyone other than Allah, I would have commanded women to prostrate to their husbands. By the one in who hand is the soul of Muhammad! No woman can fulfill her duty towards Allah until she fulfills her duty towards her husband. If he asks her (for intimacy) even if she is on her camel saddle, she should not refuse.' “(Hasan) ** Sunan Ibn Majah 3:9:1853 ** Reported by Abu Dawood, Ahmad, Tirmizi, Ibn Magah and Ibn Haban. * It was narrated from Abu Hurairah that: the Messenger of Allah said: “No woman should arrange the marriage of another woman, and no woman should arrange her own marriage. The adulteress is the one who arranges her own marriage.” (Sahih) ** Sunan Ibn Majah 3:9:1882 * It was narrated that Iyas bin 'Abdullah bin Abu Dhubab said: "The Prophet said: 'Do not beat the female slaves of Allah.' Then 'Umar came to the Prophet and said: 'O Messenger of Allah, the woman have become bold towards their husbands? So order the beating of them,' and they were beaten. Then many women went around to the family of Muhammad,. The next day he said: 'Last night seventy women came to the family of Muhammad, each woman complaining about her husband. You will not find that those are the best of you.' " (Sahih) ** Sunan Ibn Majah 3:9:1985 ==== Sahih Muslim ==== * He (Muhammad b. Qais) then reported that it was 'A'isha who had narrated this: Should I not narrate to you about myself and about the Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him)? We said: Yes. She said: When it was my turn for Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) to spend the night with me, he turned his side, put on his mantle and took off his shoes and placed them near his feet, and spread the corner of his shawl on his bed and then lay down till he thought that I had gone to sleep. He took hold of his mantle slowly and put on the shoes slowly, and opened the door and went out and then closed it lightly. I covered my head, put on my veil and tightened my waist wrapper, and then went out following his steps till he reached Baqi'. He stood there and he stood for a long time. He then lifted his hands three times, and then returned and I also returned. He hastened his steps and I also hastened my steps. He ran and I too ran. He came (to the house) and I also came (to the house). I, however, preceded him and I entered (the house), and as I lay down in the bed, he (the Holy Prophet) entered the (house), and said: Why is it, O 'A'isha, that you are out of breath? I said: There is nothing. He said: Tell me or the Subtle and the Aware would inform me. I said: Messenger of Allah, may my father and mother be ransom for you, and then I told him (the whole story). He said: Was it the darkness (of your shadow) that I saw in front of me? I said: Yes. He struck me on the chest which caused me pain, and then said: Did you think that Allah and His Apostle would deal unjustly with you?..." ** Sahih Muslim 4:2127 * Humaid b. 'Abd al-Rahman b. 'Auf reported that his mother Umm Kulthum daughter of 'Uqba b. Abu Mu'ait, and she was one amongst the first emigrants who pledged allegiance to Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him), as saying that she heard Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: A liar is not one who tries to bring reconciliation amongst people and speaks good (in order to avert dispute), or he conveys good. Ibn Shihab said he did not hear that exemption was granted in anything what the people speak as lie but in three cases: in battle, for bringing reconciliation amongst persons and the narration of the words of the husband to his wife, and the narration of the words of a wife to her husband (in a twisted form in order to bring reconciliation between them). ** Sahih Muslim 32:6303 ==== Sunan Abu Dawud ==== * Narrated Umar ibn al-Khattab: The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: A man will not be asked as to why he beat his wife. ** Sunan Abu Dawud 11:2142 * Narrated Abdullah ibn AbuDhubab: Iyas ibn Abdullah ibn AbuDhubab reported the Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him) as saying: Do not beat Allah's handmaidens, but when Umar came to the Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him) and said: Women have become emboldened towards their husbands, he (the Prophet) gave permission to beat them. Then many women came round the family of the Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him) complaining against their husbands. So the Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him) said: Many women have gone round Muhammad's family complaining against their husbands. They are not the best among you. ** Sunan Abu Dawud 11:2141 ==== Muwatta Imam Malik ==== * Malik said, "The mourning of a young girl who has not yet had a menstrual period takes the same form as the mourning of one who has had a period. She avoids what a mature woman avoids if her husband dies." ** Al-Muwatta 29:108 * The prophet of Allah said: When a man calls his wife to satisfy his desire, let her come to him though she is occupied at the oven. ** Mishkat al-Masabih Book I, Section 'Duties of husband and wife', Hadith No. 61 * Iyas b. Abdullah reported God's messenger as saying, "Do not beat God's handmaidens;" but when `Umar came to God's messenger and said, "The women have become emboldened towards their husbands," he gave licence to beat them. Then many women went round God's messenger's family complaining of their husbands, and he said, "Many women have gone around complaining of their husbands. Those are not the best among you." Abu Dawud, Ibn Majah, and Darimi transmitted it. ** Mishkat Al-Masabih: Volume 2, page 692 ==== [[Sahih Bukhari]] ==== * {{arabic|align=right|حَدَّثَنَا مُعَاذُ بْنُ فَضَالَةَ، حَدَّثَنَا هِشَامٌ، عَنْ يَحْيَى، عَنْ أَبِي سَلَمَةَ، أَنَّ أَبَا<br>هُرَيْرَةَ، حَدَّثَهُمْ أَنَّ النَّبِيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ ‏"‏ لاَ تُنْكَحُ الأَيِّمُ حَتَّىتُسْتَأْمَرَ وَلاَ تُنْكَحُ الْبِكْرُ حَتَّى تُسْتَأْذَنَ ‏"‏‏.‏ قَالُوا يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ وَكَيْفَ إِذْنُهَا<br>قَالَ ‏"‏ أَنْ تَسْكُتَ ‏"‏‏.‏}} ** Narrated {{w|Abu Huraira}}: The Prophet said, "A matron [[w:Marriage in Islam#Conditions|should not be given]] in marriage except after consulting her; and a [[w:Virginity in Islam|virgin]] should not be given in marriage except after her [[Consent|permission]]." The people asked, "O Allah's Apostle! How can we know her permission?" He said, "Her silence (indicates her permission)." *** [https://www.iium.edu.my/deed/hadith/bukhari/062_sbt.html Book 62], Number 67. Compiled by {{w|Muhammad al-Bukhari}}. Translated into English by {{w|Muhammad Muhsin Khan}} in ''{{w|The Translation of the Meanings Of Sahih Al-Bukhari}}'', 1971, ''{{w|International Islamic University Malaysia}}'' * {{arabic|align=right|حَدَّثَنَا عَمْرُو بْنُ الرَّبِيعِ بْنِ طَارِقٍ، قَالَ أَخْبَرَنَا اللَّيْثُ، عَنِ ابْنِ أَبِي<br>مُلَيْكَةَ، عَنْ أَبِي عَمْرٍو، مَوْلَى عَائِشَةَ عَنْ عَائِشَةَ، أَنَّهَا قَالَتْ يَا رَسُولَ<br>اللَّهِ إِنَّ الْبِكْرَ تَسْتَحِي‏.‏ قَالَ ‏ "‏ رِضَاهَا صَمْتُهَا ‏"‏‏.}} ** Narrated '[[Aisha]]:<br>I said, "O Allah's Apostle! A virgin feels shy." He said, "Her consent is (expressed by) her silence." *** [https://www.iium.edu.my/deed/hadith/bukhari/062_sbt.html Book 62], Number 68. Compiled by {{w|Muhammad al-Bukhari}}. Translated into English by {{w|Muhammad Muhsin Khan}} in ''{{w|The Translation of the Meanings Of Sahih Al-Bukhari}}'', 1971, ''{{w|International Islamic University Malaysia}}'' * {{arabic|align=right|حَدَّثَنَا إِسْمَاعِيلُ، قَالَ حَدَّثَنِي مَالِكٌ، عَنْ عَبْدِ الرَّحْمَنِ بْنِ الْقَاسِمِ، عَنْ<br>أَبِيهِ، عَنْ عَبْدِ الرَّحْمَنِ، وَمُجَمِّعٍ، ابْنَىْ يَزِيدَ بْنِ جَارِيَةَ عَنْ خَنْسَاءَ بِنْتِ<br>خِذَامٍ الأَنْصَارِيَّةِ، أَنَّ أَبَاهَا، زَوَّجَهَا وَهْىَ ثَيِّبٌ، فَكَرِهَتْ ذَلِكَ فَأَتَتْ<br>رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم فَرَدَّ نِكَاحَهُ‏.‏}} ** Narrated [[w:Al-Khansa|Khansa bint Khidam Al-Ansariya]]: that [[w:Wali (Islamic legal guardian)|her father]] gave her in marriage when she was a matron and she disliked that marriage. So she went to Allah's Apostle and he declared that marriage invalid. *** [https://www.iium.edu.my/deed/hadith/bukhari/062_sbt.html Book 62], Number 68. Compiled by {{w|Muhammad al-Bukhari}}. Translated into English by {{w|Muhammad Muhsin Khan}} in ''{{w|The Translation of the Meanings Of Sahih Al-Bukhari}}'', 1971, ''{{w|International Islamic University Malaysia}}'' * Narrated Abu Usaid: We went out with the Prophet to a garden called Ash-Shaut till we reached two walls between which we sat down. The Prophet said, "Sit here," and went in (the garden). The Jauniyya (a lady from Bani Jaun) had been brought and lodged in a house in a date-palm garden in the home of Umaima bint An-Nu'man bin Sharahil, and her wet nurse was with her. When the Prophet entered upon her, he said to her, "Give me yourself (in marriage) as a gift." She said, "Can a princess give herself in marriage to an ordinary man?" The Prophet raised his hand to pat her so that she might become tranquil. She said, "I seek refuge with Allah from you." He said, "You have sought refuge with One Who gives refuge. Then the Prophet came out to us and said, "O Abu Usaid! Give her two white linen dresses to wear and let her go back to her family." Narrated Sahl and Abu Usaid: The Prophet married Umaima bint Sharahil, and when she was brought to him, he stretched his hand towards her. It seemed that she disliked that, whereupon the Prophet ordered Abu Usaid to prepare her and to provide her with two white linen dresses. (See Hadith No. 541). ** Sahih Bukhari 7:63:182 * Narrated 'Aisha: I asked the Prophet, "O Allah's Apostle! Should the women be asked for their consent to their marriage?" He said, "Yes." I said, "A virgin, if asked, feels shy and keeps quiet." He said, "Her silence means her consent." ** Sahih Bukhari 9:85:79 * Narrated Jabir bin 'Abdullah: I was accompanying the Prophet on a journey and was riding a slow camel that was lagging behind the others. The Prophet passed by me and asked, "Who is this?" I replied, "Jabir bin 'Abdullah." He asked, "What is the matter, (why are you late)?" I replied, "I am riding a slow camel." He asked, "Do you have a stick?" I replied in the affirmative. He said, "Give it to me." When I gave it to him, he beat the camel and rebuked it. Then that camel surpassed the others thenceforth. The Prophet said, "Sell it to me." I replied, "It is (a gift) for you, O Allah's Apostle." He said, "Sell it to me. I have bought it for four Dinars (gold pieces) and you can keep on riding it till Medina." When we approached Medina, I started going (towards my house). The Prophet said, "Where are you going?" I Sad, "I have married a widow." He said, "Why have you not married a virgin to fondle with each other?" I said, "My father died and left daughters, so I decided to marry a widow (an experienced woman) (to look after them)." He said, "Well done." When we reached Medina, Allah's Apostle said, "O Bilal, pay him (the price of the camel) and give him extra money." Bilal gave me four Dinars and one Qirat extra. (A sub-narrator said): Jabir added, "The extra Qirat of Allah's Apostle never parted from me." The Qirat was always in Jabir bin 'Abdullah's purse. ** Sahih Bukhari 3:38:504 * Narrated Jabir bin Abdullah: While we were returning from a Ghazwa (Holy Battle) with the Prophet, I started driving my camel fast, as it was a lazy camel A rider came behind me and pricked my camel with a spear he had with him, and then my camel started running as fast as the best camel you may see. Behold! The rider was the Prophet himself. He said, 'What makes you in such a hurry?" I replied, I am newly married " He said, "Did you marry a virgin or a matron? I replied, "A matron." He said, "Why didn't you marry a young girl so that you may play with her and she with you?" When we were about to enter (Medina), the Prophet said, "Wait so that you may enter (Medina) at night so that the lady of unkempt hair may comb her hair and the one whose husband has been absent may shave her pubic region. ** Sahih Bukhari 7:62:16 * Narrated Jabir bin 'Abdullah: When I got married, Allah's Apostle said to me, "What type of lady have you married?" I replied, "I have married a matron' He said, "Why, don't you have a liking for the virgins and for fondling them?" Jabir also said: Allah's Apostle said, "Why didn't you marry a young girl so that you might play with her and she with you?' ** Sahih Bukhari 7:62:17 * If a husband calls his wife to his bed [i.e. to have sexual relation] and she refuses and causes him to sleep in anger, the angels will curse her till morning. ** Bukhari 4.54.460 === Mishkat al-Masabih === * Had I ordered anybody to prostrate before any one, I would have ordered women to prostrate before their husbands on account of men's rights over the women ordained by Allah. ** Mishkat al-Masabih Section 'Duties of husband and wife', Hadith No. 70 == Quotes == * There is one passage, however, which apparently endorses a pre-Islamic Arab custom. This is the sentence at the end of [https://quran.com/4/34 verse 38] permitting a husband to beat his wife: "And those women whose insubordination you fear, admonish them, then leave them alone in the beds, then [[w:An-Nisa, 34|beat]] them!" … [[w:Abu Bakr|Abu Bakr]]'s daughter [[w:Asma bint Abi Bakr|Asma]], who was the fourth wife of [[w:Zubayr ibn al-Awwam|Zobayr b. ol-Awwam]] (one of the Prophet's first ten converts and principal [[w:Companions of the Prophet|companions]]), is reported to have said, "Whenever Zobayr was angry with one of us, he used to beat her until the stick broke." ** [[Ali Dashti]]: ''[[Twenty Three Years: A Study of the Prophetic Career of Mohammad]]'', pp. 115–116 * A man should marry four wives: A [[Persia|Persian]] to have some one to talk to; a Khurasani woman for his housework; a Hindu for [[nursing]] his children; a woman from Mawaraun nahr, or Transoxiana, to have some one to whip as a warning to the other three. ** Ain-i-Akbari by Abul Fazl, trans. by H. Blochmann. I, 327. Quoted from Lal, K. S. (1994). Muslim slave system in medieval India. New Delhi: Aditya Prakashan. Chapter 7. Also cited in Herklot, Islam in India, 85-86. * There is the Islamic view of marriage. Apologists of Islam, ever so anxious to show how progressive and avant-garde and modern their religion has always been, never tire of saying: In Islam marriage is not a sacrament, it is just a contract. Woman, as we shall see when we turn to the Quran and the Hadis, is just an ‘affliction’ that man has to suffer; she is just a field that he may irrigate or not irrigate as it pleases him; at best she is one of the things that Allah has created for him to enjoy; when on top of all this marriage is but a contract specifying the terms on which he may enjoy the thing—the mehr, as Ram Swarup reminds us being literally the ‘wages’ or ‘hire’ for using the woman—the ulema naturally visit all the consequences on the woman. The husband has but to enjoy the woman, and when he tires of her can just cast her off paying her the nominal maintenance, and the mehr which had been agreed to in the contract. And Allah, in His mercy, has not put these latter at anyonerous level. The minimum mutah, the consolatory gift, we learn, is one pair of clothes and the maximum is one slave or slave girl. The maintenance is to be board and lodging for just three months. And while it is fashionable nowadays to fix the mehr at poetically grandiloquent levels, it is just as fixed a practice to have the wife agree to forego it on the nuptial night itself. [...] The Quran (2.241) explicitly says, ‘Those of you who die leaving surviving widows shall bequeath to their widows provisions for a year without (their) being turned out.’ In direct contravention to this the compendium of Islamic law, the Hidayah, states, ‘Maintenance is not due to a woman after her husband’s decease...’ The Imamia goes even further to say, ‘A widow has no right to maintenance even though she be pregnant.’ ** Arun Shourie - The World of Fatwas Or The Sharia in Action (2012, Harper Collins) == External links == {{wikipedia}} [[Category:Marriage and religion]] [[Category:Islam and women]] [[Category:Islamic law]] p8ey7gk9dcjxpcq1rkkusowhsq5f06v 3779115 3779114 2025-07-15T11:47:22Z SolarisQ 3137151 Unboldened text 3779115 wikitext text/x-wiki In Islam, '''[[w:marriage in Islam|marriage]]''' (Arabic: {{arabic|نِكَاح}}, romanized: Nikāḥ) is a legal contract between a man and a woman. Both the groom and the bride are to consent to the marriage of their own free wills. A formal, binding contract – verbal or on paper – is considered integral to a religiously valid Islamic marriage, and outlines the rights and responsibilities of the groom and bride. There must be two Muslim witnesses of the marriage contract. Divorce in Islam can take a variety of forms, some executed by a husband personally and some executed by a religious court on behalf of a plaintiff wife who is successful in her legal divorce petition for valid cause. == Quran == * {{arabic|align=right|وَلَا تَنكِحُوا۟ ٱلْمُشْرِكَـٰتِ حَتَّىٰ يُؤْمِنَّ ۚ وَلَأَمَةٌۭ مُّؤْمِنَةٌ خَيْرٌۭ مِّن مُّشْرِكَةٍۢ وَلَوْ أَعْجَبَتْكُمْ ۗ وَلَا تُنكِحُوا۟ ٱلْمُشْرِكِينَ حَتَّىٰ يُؤْمِنُوا۟ ۚ وَلَعَبْدٌۭ مُّؤْمِنٌ خَيْرٌۭ مِّن مُّشْرِكٍۢ وَلَوْ أَعْجَبَكُمْ ۗ أُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ يَدْعُونَ إِلَى [[Jahannam|ٱلنَّارِ]] ۖ وَٱللَّهُ يَدْعُوٓا۟ إِلَى [[Jannah|ٱلْجَنَّةِ]] وَٱلْمَغْفِرَةِ بِإِذْنِهِۦ ۖ وَيُبَيِّنُ ءَايَـٰتِهِۦ لِلنَّاسِ لَعَلَّهُمْ يَتَذَكَّرُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/2/221 Quran 2:221] ** Translations: *** Do not marry polytheistic women until they believe; for a believing slave-woman is better than a free polytheist, even though she may look pleasant to you. And do not marry your women to polytheistic men until they believe, for a believing slave-man is better than a free polytheist, even though he may look pleasant to you. They invite ˹you˺ to the [[Jahannam|Fire]] while Allah invites ˹you˺ to [[Jannah|Paradise]] and forgiveness by His grace. He makes His revelations clear to the people so perhaps they will be mindful. **** [https://quran.com/2/221?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] *** Wed not idolatresses till they believe; for lo! a believing bondwoman is better than an idolatress though she please you; and give not your daughters in marriage to idolaters till they believe, for lo! a believing slave is better than an idolater though he please you. These invite unto the [[Jahannam|Fire]], and Allah inviteth unto the [[Jannah|Garden]], and unto forgiveness by His grace, and expoundeth His revelations to mankind that haply they may remember. **** [https://quran.com/2/221?translations=19 ''The Meaning of the Glorious Koran''] by [[Marmaduke Pickthall]] * {{arabic|align=right|نِسَآؤُكُمْ حَرْثٌۭ لَّكُمْ فَأْتُوا۟ حَرْثَكُمْ أَنَّىٰ شِئْتُمْ ۖ وَقَدِّمُوا۟ لِأَنفُسِكُمْ ۚ وَٱتَّقُوا۟ ٱللَّهَ وَٱعْلَمُوٓا۟ أَنَّكُم مُّلَـٰقُوهُ ۗ وَبَشِّرِ ٱلْمُؤْمِنِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/2/223 Quran 2:223] ** Translations: *** Your wives are like farmland for you, so approach them ˹consensually˺ as you please. And send forth something good for yourselves. Be mindful of Allah, and know that you will meet Him. And give good news to the believers. **** [https://quran.com/2/223?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] *** Your wives are as a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will; but do some good act for your souls beforehand; and fear Allah. And know that ye are to meet Him (in the Hereafter), and give (these) good tidings to those who believe. **** [https://quran.com/2/223?translations=22 ''The Holy Qur'an: Text, Translation and Commentary''] by [[w:Abdullah Yusuf Ali|Abdullah Yusuf Ali]] * {{arabic|align=right|فَإِن [[w:Divorce in Islam|طَلَّقَهَا]] فَلَا تَحِلُّ لَهُۥ مِنۢ بَعْدُ حَتَّىٰ تَنكِحَ زَوْجًا غَيْرَهُۥ ۗ فَإِن طَلَّقَهَا فَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْهِمَآ أَن يَتَرَاجَعَآ إِن ظَنَّآ أَن يُقِيمَا حُدُودَ ٱللَّهِ ۗ وَتِلْكَ حُدُودُ ٱللَّهِ يُبَيِّنُهَا لِقَوْمٍۢ يَعْلَمُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/2/230 Quran 2:230] ** Translations: *** So if a husband [[w:Divorce in Islam|divorces his wife]] ˹three times˺, then it is not lawful for him to remarry her until after she has married another man and then is divorced. Then it is permissible for them to reunite, as long as they feel they are able to maintain the limits of Allah. These are the limits set by Allah, which He makes clear for people of knowledge. **** [https://quran.com/2/230?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|align=right|وَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلَّا تُقْسِطُوا۟ فِى ٱلْيَتَـٰمَىٰ فَٱنكِحُوا۟ مَا طَابَ لَكُم مِّنَ ٱلنِّسَآءِ [[w:Polygyny in Islam|مَثْنَىٰ وَثُلَـٰثَ وَرُبَـٰعَ]] فَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلَّا تَعْدِلُوا۟ فَوَٰحِدَةً أَوْ مَا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَـٰنُكُمْ ۚ ذَٰلِكَ أَدْنَىٰٓ أَلَّا تَعُولُوا۟}} ** [https://quran.com/4/3 Quran 4:3] ** Translations: *** If you fear you might fail to give orphan women their ˹due˺ rights ˹if you were to marry them˺, then marry other women of your choice—[[w:Polygyny in Islam|two, three, or four]]. But if you are afraid you will fail to maintain justice, then ˹content yourselves with˺ one or those ˹bondwomen˺ in your possession. This way you are less likely to commit injustice. **** [https://quran.com/4/3?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|align=right|ٱلرِّجَالُ قَوَّٰمُونَ عَلَى ٱلنِّسَآءِ بِمَا فَضَّلَ ٱللَّهُ بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَىٰ بَعْضٍۢ وَبِمَآ أَنفَقُوا۟ مِنْ أَمْوَٰلِهِمْ ۚ فَٱلصَّـٰلِحَـٰتُ قَـٰنِتَـٰتٌ حَـٰفِظَـٰتٌۭ لِّلْغَيْبِ بِمَا حَفِظَ ٱللَّهُ ۚ وَٱلَّـٰتِى تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّ وَٱهْجُرُوهُنَّ فِى ٱلْمَضَاجِعِ [[w:An-Nisa, 34|وَٱضْرِبُوهُنَّ]] فَإِنْ أَطَعْنَكُمْ فَلَا تَبْغُوا۟ عَلَيْهِنَّ سَبِيلًا ۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيًّۭا كَبِيرًۭا}} ** [https://quran.com/4/34 Quran 4:34] ** Translations: *** Men are the caretakers of women, as men have been provisioned by Allah over women and tasked with supporting them financially. And righteous women are devoutly obedient and, when alone, protective of what Allah has entrusted them with. And if you sense ill-conduct from your women, advise them ˹first˺, ˹if they persist,˺ do not share their beds, ˹but if they still persist,˺ then [[w:An-Nisa, 34|discipline them]] ˹gently˺. But if they change their ways, do not be unjust to them. Surely Allah is Most High, All-Great. **** [https://quran.com/4/34?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] *** Men are in charge of women, because Allah hath made the one of them to excel the other, and because they spend of their property (for the support of women). So good women are the obedient, guarding in secret that which Allah hath guarded. As for those from whom ye fear rebellion, admonish them and banish them to beds apart, and [[w:An-Nisa, 34|scourge them]]. Then if they obey you, seek not a way against them. Lo! Allah is ever High, Exalted, Great. **** [https://quran.com/4/34?translations=19 ''The Meaning of the Glorious Koran''] by [[Marmaduke Pickthall]] *** Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard. As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (Next), refuse to share their beds, (And last) [[w:An-Nisa, 34|beat them]] (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them Means (of annoyance): For Allah is Most High, great (above you all). **** [https://quran.com/4/34?translations=22 ''The Holy Qur'an: Text, Translation and Commentary''] by [[w:Abdullah Yusuf Ali|Abdullah Yusuf Ali]] *** Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allāh has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allāh would have them guard. But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance – [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], [[w:An-Nisa, 34|strike them]] [lightly]. But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allāh is ever Exalted and Grand. **** [https://quran.com/4/34?translations=20 ''Saheeh International translation''] by [[w:Sahih International|Umm Muhammad, Mary Kennedy and Amatullah Bantley]] ** Comments: *** See the Wikipedia article [[w:An-Nisa, 34|An-Nisa, 34]]. * {{arabic|align=right|ٱلزَّانِى لَا يَنكِحُ إِلَّا زَانِيَةً أَوْ مُشْرِكَةًۭ وَٱلزَّانِيَةُ لَا يَنكِحُهَآ إِلَّا زَانٍ أَوْ مُشْرِكٌۭ ۚ وَحُرِّمَ ذَٰلِكَ عَلَى ٱلْمُؤْمِنِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/24/3 Quran 24:3] ** Translations: *** A male fornicator would only marry a female fornicator or idolatress. And a female fornicator would only be married to a fornicator or idolater. This is ˹all˺ forbidden to the believers. **** [https://quran.com/24/3?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] *** The adulterer may marry only an adulteress or an idolatress; and adulteress may marry only an adulterer or an idolater. True believers are forbidden such marriages.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|align=right|وَأَنكِحُوا۟ ٱلْأَيَـٰمَىٰ مِنكُمْ وَٱلصَّـٰلِحِينَ مِنْ عِبَادِكُمْ وَإِمَآئِكُمْ ۚ إِن يَكُونُوا۟ فُقَرَآءَ يُغْنِهِمُ ٱللَّهُ مِن فَضْلِهِۦ ۗ وَٱللَّهُ وَٰسِعٌ عَلِيمٌۭ}} ** [https://quran.com/24/32 Quran 24:32] ** Translations: *** Marry off the ˹free˺ singles among you, as well as the righteous of your bondmen and bondwomen. If they are poor, Allah will enrich them out of His bounty. For Allah is All-Bountiful, All-Knowing. **** [https://quran.com/24/32?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|align=right|وَمِنْ ءَايَـٰتِهِۦٓ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَٰجًۭا لِّتَسْكُنُوٓا۟ إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةًۭ وَرَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِى ذَٰلِكَ لَـَٔايَـٰتٍۢ لِّقَوْمٍۢ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/30/21 Quran 30:21] ** Translations: *** And one of His signs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves so that you may find comfort in them. And He has placed between you compassion and mercy. Surely in this are signs for people who reflect. **** [https://quran.com/30/21?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] == Ahadith == === Kutub al-Sittah === ==== Sunan Ibn Majah ==== * It was narrated from Abu Hurairah that: the Messenger of Allah said: “No woman should arrange the marriage of another woman, and no woman should arrange her own marriage. The adulteress is the one who arranges her own marriage.” (Sahih) ** Sunan Ibn Majah 3:9:1882 * It was narrated from Aishah that : the Messenger of Allah said: “Any woman whose marriage is not arranged by her guardian, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid. If (the man) has had intercourse with her, then the Mahr belongs to her in return for his intimacy with her. And if there is any dispute then the ruler is the guardian of the one who does not have a guardian.” (Sahih) ** Sunan Ibn Majah 3:9:1879 * It was narrated from Abu Hurairah that: the Prophet said: “A woman may be married for four things: Her wealth, her lineage, her beauty or for her religion. Choose the religious, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).” (Sahih) ** Sunan Ibn Majah 3:9:1858 * It was narrated that Ash'ath bin Qais said: "I was a guest (at the home) of 'Umar one night, and in the middle of the night he went and hit his wife, and I separated them. When he went to bed he said to me: 'O Ash'ath, learn from me something that I heard from the Messenger of Allah" A man should not be asked why he beats his wife, and do not go to sleep until you have prayed the Witr."' And I forgot the third thing." (Hasan) ** Sunan Ibn Majah 3:9:1986 * It was narrated that: Abdullah bin Abu Awfa said” When Muadh bin Jabal came from Sham, he prostrated to the Prophet who said: 'What is this, O Muadh?' He said: 'I went to Sham and saw them prostrating their bishops and patricians and I wanted to do that for you.' The messenger of Allah said: 'Do not do that. If I were to command anyone to prostrate to anyone other than Allah, I would have commanded women to prostrate to their husbands. By the one in who hand is the soul of Muhammad! No woman can fulfill her duty towards Allah until she fulfills her duty towards her husband. If he asks her (for intimacy) even if she is on her camel saddle, she should not refuse.' “(Hasan) ** Sunan Ibn Majah 3:9:1853 ** Reported by Abu Dawood, Ahmad, Tirmizi, Ibn Magah and Ibn Haban. * It was narrated from Abu Hurairah that: the Messenger of Allah said: “No woman should arrange the marriage of another woman, and no woman should arrange her own marriage. The adulteress is the one who arranges her own marriage.” (Sahih) ** Sunan Ibn Majah 3:9:1882 * It was narrated that Iyas bin 'Abdullah bin Abu Dhubab said: "The Prophet said: 'Do not beat the female slaves of Allah.' Then 'Umar came to the Prophet and said: 'O Messenger of Allah, the woman have become bold towards their husbands? So order the beating of them,' and they were beaten. Then many women went around to the family of Muhammad,. The next day he said: 'Last night seventy women came to the family of Muhammad, each woman complaining about her husband. You will not find that those are the best of you.' " (Sahih) ** Sunan Ibn Majah 3:9:1985 ==== Sahih Muslim ==== * He (Muhammad b. Qais) then reported that it was 'A'isha who had narrated this: Should I not narrate to you about myself and about the Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him)? We said: Yes. She said: When it was my turn for Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) to spend the night with me, he turned his side, put on his mantle and took off his shoes and placed them near his feet, and spread the corner of his shawl on his bed and then lay down till he thought that I had gone to sleep. He took hold of his mantle slowly and put on the shoes slowly, and opened the door and went out and then closed it lightly. I covered my head, put on my veil and tightened my waist wrapper, and then went out following his steps till he reached Baqi'. He stood there and he stood for a long time. He then lifted his hands three times, and then returned and I also returned. He hastened his steps and I also hastened my steps. He ran and I too ran. He came (to the house) and I also came (to the house). I, however, preceded him and I entered (the house), and as I lay down in the bed, he (the Holy Prophet) entered the (house), and said: Why is it, O 'A'isha, that you are out of breath? I said: There is nothing. He said: Tell me or the Subtle and the Aware would inform me. I said: Messenger of Allah, may my father and mother be ransom for you, and then I told him (the whole story). He said: Was it the darkness (of your shadow) that I saw in front of me? I said: Yes. He struck me on the chest which caused me pain, and then said: Did you think that Allah and His Apostle would deal unjustly with you?..." ** Sahih Muslim 4:2127 * Humaid b. 'Abd al-Rahman b. 'Auf reported that his mother Umm Kulthum daughter of 'Uqba b. Abu Mu'ait, and she was one amongst the first emigrants who pledged allegiance to Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him), as saying that she heard Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: A liar is not one who tries to bring reconciliation amongst people and speaks good (in order to avert dispute), or he conveys good. Ibn Shihab said he did not hear that exemption was granted in anything what the people speak as lie but in three cases: in battle, for bringing reconciliation amongst persons and the narration of the words of the husband to his wife, and the narration of the words of a wife to her husband (in a twisted form in order to bring reconciliation between them). ** Sahih Muslim 32:6303 ==== Sunan Abu Dawud ==== * Narrated Umar ibn al-Khattab: The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: A man will not be asked as to why he beat his wife. ** Sunan Abu Dawud 11:2142 * Narrated Abdullah ibn AbuDhubab: Iyas ibn Abdullah ibn AbuDhubab reported the Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him) as saying: Do not beat Allah's handmaidens, but when Umar came to the Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him) and said: Women have become emboldened towards their husbands, he (the Prophet) gave permission to beat them. Then many women came round the family of the Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him) complaining against their husbands. So the Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him) said: Many women have gone round Muhammad's family complaining against their husbands. They are not the best among you. ** Sunan Abu Dawud 11:2141 ==== Muwatta Imam Malik ==== * Malik said, "The mourning of a young girl who has not yet had a menstrual period takes the same form as the mourning of one who has had a period. She avoids what a mature woman avoids if her husband dies." ** Al-Muwatta 29:108 * The prophet of Allah said: When a man calls his wife to satisfy his desire, let her come to him though she is occupied at the oven. ** Mishkat al-Masabih Book I, Section 'Duties of husband and wife', Hadith No. 61 * Iyas b. Abdullah reported God's messenger as saying, "Do not beat God's handmaidens;" but when `Umar came to God's messenger and said, "The women have become emboldened towards their husbands," he gave licence to beat them. Then many women went round God's messenger's family complaining of their husbands, and he said, "Many women have gone around complaining of their husbands. Those are not the best among you." Abu Dawud, Ibn Majah, and Darimi transmitted it. ** Mishkat Al-Masabih: Volume 2, page 692 ==== [[Sahih Bukhari]] ==== * {{arabic|align=right|حَدَّثَنَا مُعَاذُ بْنُ فَضَالَةَ، حَدَّثَنَا هِشَامٌ، عَنْ يَحْيَى، عَنْ أَبِي سَلَمَةَ، أَنَّ أَبَا<br>هُرَيْرَةَ، حَدَّثَهُمْ أَنَّ النَّبِيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ ‏"‏ لاَ تُنْكَحُ الأَيِّمُ حَتَّىتُسْتَأْمَرَ وَلاَ تُنْكَحُ الْبِكْرُ حَتَّى تُسْتَأْذَنَ ‏"‏‏.‏ قَالُوا يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ وَكَيْفَ إِذْنُهَا<br>قَالَ ‏"‏ أَنْ تَسْكُتَ ‏"‏‏.‏}} ** Narrated {{w|Abu Huraira}}: The Prophet said, "A matron [[w:Marriage in Islam#Conditions|should not be given]] in marriage except after consulting her; and a [[w:Virginity in Islam|virgin]] should not be given in marriage except after her [[Consent|permission]]." The people asked, "O Allah's Apostle! How can we know her permission?" He said, "Her silence (indicates her permission)." *** [https://www.iium.edu.my/deed/hadith/bukhari/062_sbt.html Book 62], Number 67. Compiled by {{w|Muhammad al-Bukhari}}. Translated into English by {{w|Muhammad Muhsin Khan}} in ''{{w|The Translation of the Meanings Of Sahih Al-Bukhari}}'', 1971, ''{{w|International Islamic University Malaysia}}'' * {{arabic|align=right|حَدَّثَنَا عَمْرُو بْنُ الرَّبِيعِ بْنِ طَارِقٍ، قَالَ أَخْبَرَنَا اللَّيْثُ، عَنِ ابْنِ أَبِي<br>مُلَيْكَةَ، عَنْ أَبِي عَمْرٍو، مَوْلَى عَائِشَةَ عَنْ عَائِشَةَ، أَنَّهَا قَالَتْ يَا رَسُولَ<br>اللَّهِ إِنَّ الْبِكْرَ تَسْتَحِي‏.‏ قَالَ ‏ "‏ رِضَاهَا صَمْتُهَا ‏"‏‏.}} ** Narrated '[[Aisha]]:<br>I said, "O Allah's Apostle! A virgin feels shy." He said, "Her consent is (expressed by) her silence." *** [https://www.iium.edu.my/deed/hadith/bukhari/062_sbt.html Book 62], Number 68. Compiled by {{w|Muhammad al-Bukhari}}. Translated into English by {{w|Muhammad Muhsin Khan}} in ''{{w|The Translation of the Meanings Of Sahih Al-Bukhari}}'', 1971, ''{{w|International Islamic University Malaysia}}'' * {{arabic|align=right|حَدَّثَنَا إِسْمَاعِيلُ، قَالَ حَدَّثَنِي مَالِكٌ، عَنْ عَبْدِ الرَّحْمَنِ بْنِ الْقَاسِمِ، عَنْ<br>أَبِيهِ، عَنْ عَبْدِ الرَّحْمَنِ، وَمُجَمِّعٍ، ابْنَىْ يَزِيدَ بْنِ جَارِيَةَ عَنْ خَنْسَاءَ بِنْتِ<br>خِذَامٍ الأَنْصَارِيَّةِ، أَنَّ أَبَاهَا، زَوَّجَهَا وَهْىَ ثَيِّبٌ، فَكَرِهَتْ ذَلِكَ فَأَتَتْ<br>رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم فَرَدَّ نِكَاحَهُ‏.‏}} ** Narrated [[w:Al-Khansa|Khansa bint Khidam Al-Ansariya]]: that [[w:Wali (Islamic legal guardian)|her father]] gave her in marriage when she was a matron and she disliked that marriage. So she went to Allah's Apostle and he declared that marriage invalid. *** [https://www.iium.edu.my/deed/hadith/bukhari/062_sbt.html Book 62], Number 68. Compiled by {{w|Muhammad al-Bukhari}}. Translated into English by {{w|Muhammad Muhsin Khan}} in ''{{w|The Translation of the Meanings Of Sahih Al-Bukhari}}'', 1971, ''{{w|International Islamic University Malaysia}}'' * Narrated Abu Usaid: We went out with the Prophet to a garden called Ash-Shaut till we reached two walls between which we sat down. The Prophet said, "Sit here," and went in (the garden). The Jauniyya (a lady from Bani Jaun) had been brought and lodged in a house in a date-palm garden in the home of Umaima bint An-Nu'man bin Sharahil, and her wet nurse was with her. When the Prophet entered upon her, he said to her, "Give me yourself (in marriage) as a gift." She said, "Can a princess give herself in marriage to an ordinary man?" The Prophet raised his hand to pat her so that she might become tranquil. She said, "I seek refuge with Allah from you." He said, "You have sought refuge with One Who gives refuge. Then the Prophet came out to us and said, "O Abu Usaid! Give her two white linen dresses to wear and let her go back to her family." Narrated Sahl and Abu Usaid: The Prophet married Umaima bint Sharahil, and when she was brought to him, he stretched his hand towards her. It seemed that she disliked that, whereupon the Prophet ordered Abu Usaid to prepare her and to provide her with two white linen dresses. (See Hadith No. 541). ** Sahih Bukhari 7:63:182 * Narrated 'Aisha: I asked the Prophet, "O Allah's Apostle! Should the women be asked for their consent to their marriage?" He said, "Yes." I said, "A virgin, if asked, feels shy and keeps quiet." He said, "Her silence means her consent." ** Sahih Bukhari 9:85:79 * Narrated Jabir bin 'Abdullah: I was accompanying the Prophet on a journey and was riding a slow camel that was lagging behind the others. The Prophet passed by me and asked, "Who is this?" I replied, "Jabir bin 'Abdullah." He asked, "What is the matter, (why are you late)?" I replied, "I am riding a slow camel." He asked, "Do you have a stick?" I replied in the affirmative. He said, "Give it to me." When I gave it to him, he beat the camel and rebuked it. Then that camel surpassed the others thenceforth. The Prophet said, "Sell it to me." I replied, "It is (a gift) for you, O Allah's Apostle." He said, "Sell it to me. I have bought it for four Dinars (gold pieces) and you can keep on riding it till Medina." When we approached Medina, I started going (towards my house). The Prophet said, "Where are you going?" I Sad, "I have married a widow." He said, "Why have you not married a virgin to fondle with each other?" I said, "My father died and left daughters, so I decided to marry a widow (an experienced woman) (to look after them)." He said, "Well done." When we reached Medina, Allah's Apostle said, "O Bilal, pay him (the price of the camel) and give him extra money." Bilal gave me four Dinars and one Qirat extra. (A sub-narrator said): Jabir added, "The extra Qirat of Allah's Apostle never parted from me." The Qirat was always in Jabir bin 'Abdullah's purse. ** Sahih Bukhari 3:38:504 * Narrated Jabir bin Abdullah: While we were returning from a Ghazwa (Holy Battle) with the Prophet, I started driving my camel fast, as it was a lazy camel A rider came behind me and pricked my camel with a spear he had with him, and then my camel started running as fast as the best camel you may see. Behold! The rider was the Prophet himself. He said, 'What makes you in such a hurry?" I replied, I am newly married " He said, "Did you marry a virgin or a matron? I replied, "A matron." He said, "Why didn't you marry a young girl so that you may play with her and she with you?" When we were about to enter (Medina), the Prophet said, "Wait so that you may enter (Medina) at night so that the lady of unkempt hair may comb her hair and the one whose husband has been absent may shave her pubic region. ** Sahih Bukhari 7:62:16 * Narrated Jabir bin 'Abdullah: When I got married, Allah's Apostle said to me, "What type of lady have you married?" I replied, "I have married a matron' He said, "Why, don't you have a liking for the virgins and for fondling them?" Jabir also said: Allah's Apostle said, "Why didn't you marry a young girl so that you might play with her and she with you?' ** Sahih Bukhari 7:62:17 * If a husband calls his wife to his bed [i.e. to have sexual relation] and she refuses and causes him to sleep in anger, the angels will curse her till morning. ** Bukhari 4.54.460 === Mishkat al-Masabih === * Had I ordered anybody to prostrate before any one, I would have ordered women to prostrate before their husbands on account of men's rights over the women ordained by Allah. ** Mishkat al-Masabih Section 'Duties of husband and wife', Hadith No. 70 == Quotes == * There is one passage, however, which apparently endorses a pre-Islamic Arab custom. This is the sentence at the end of [https://quran.com/4/34 verse 38] permitting a husband to beat his wife: "And those women whose insubordination you fear, admonish them, then leave them alone in the beds, then [[w:An-Nisa, 34|beat]] them!" … [[w:Abu Bakr|Abu Bakr]]'s daughter [[w:Asma bint Abi Bakr|Asma]], who was the fourth wife of [[w:Zubayr ibn al-Awwam|Zobayr b. ol-Awwam]] (one of the Prophet's first ten converts and principal [[w:Companions of the Prophet|companions]]), is reported to have said, "Whenever Zobayr was angry with one of us, he used to beat her until the stick broke." ** [[Ali Dashti]]: ''[[Twenty Three Years: A Study of the Prophetic Career of Mohammad]]'', pp. 115–116 * A man should marry four wives: A [[Persia|Persian]] to have some one to talk to; a Khurasani woman for his housework; a Hindu for [[nursing]] his children; a woman from Mawaraun nahr, or Transoxiana, to have some one to whip as a warning to the other three. ** Ain-i-Akbari by Abul Fazl, trans. by H. Blochmann. I, 327. Quoted from Lal, K. S. (1994). Muslim slave system in medieval India. New Delhi: Aditya Prakashan. Chapter 7. Also cited in Herklot, Islam in India, 85-86. * There is the Islamic view of marriage. Apologists of Islam, ever so anxious to show how progressive and avant-garde and modern their religion has always been, never tire of saying: In Islam marriage is not a sacrament, it is just a contract. Woman, as we shall see when we turn to the Quran and the Hadis, is just an ‘affliction’ that man has to suffer; she is just a field that he may irrigate or not irrigate as it pleases him; at best she is one of the things that Allah has created for him to enjoy; when on top of all this marriage is but a contract specifying the terms on which he may enjoy the thing—the mehr, as Ram Swarup reminds us being literally the ‘wages’ or ‘hire’ for using the woman—the ulema naturally visit all the consequences on the woman. The husband has but to enjoy the woman, and when he tires of her can just cast her off paying her the nominal maintenance, and the mehr which had been agreed to in the contract. And Allah, in His mercy, has not put these latter at anyonerous level. The minimum mutah, the consolatory gift, we learn, is one pair of clothes and the maximum is one slave or slave girl. The maintenance is to be board and lodging for just three months. And while it is fashionable nowadays to fix the mehr at poetically grandiloquent levels, it is just as fixed a practice to have the wife agree to forego it on the nuptial night itself. [...] The Quran (2.241) explicitly says, ‘Those of you who die leaving surviving widows shall bequeath to their widows provisions for a year without (their) being turned out.’ In direct contravention to this the compendium of Islamic law, the Hidayah, states, ‘Maintenance is not due to a woman after her husband’s decease...’ The Imamia goes even further to say, ‘A widow has no right to maintenance even though she be pregnant.’ ** Arun Shourie - The World of Fatwas Or The Sharia in Action (2012, Harper Collins) == External links == {{wikipedia}} [[Category:Marriage and religion]] [[Category:Islam and women]] [[Category:Islamic law]] pr4qsq56gw4zcu82xqqwefd1e4h8xb3 14 225120 3778572 2755719 2025-07-14T12:49:03Z UDScott 4304 Moving from [[Category:Activists]] to [[Category:Activists by issue]] using [[c:Help:Cat-a-lot|Cat-a-lot]] 3778572 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Activists by issue]] rxgqxpl04xupcja2xiry5j7hacpn7li 0 228524 3778755 3572362 2025-07-14T16:46:55Z 87.200.127.38 /* Quotes */ 3778755 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Mercedes-Benz|Mercedes-Benz]]''' is a German global automobile marque and a division of Daimler AG. Mercedes-Benz is known for luxury vehicles, vans, trucks, buses, coaches and ambulances. The headquarters is in Stuttgart, Baden-Württemberg. The name first appeared in 1926 under Daimler-Benz. In 2018, Mercedes-Benz was the largest seller of premium vehicles in the world, having sold 2.31 million passenger cars. [[File:Mercedes benz logo 1926.png|thumb|''Das Beste Oder Nichts'' <br>"The Best Or Nothing]] [[File:Mondial de l'Automobile 2012, Paris - France (8677963997).jpg|thumb|Sending out the message to all of my friends; we'll be looking flashy in my Mercedes-Benz. ~ Pink]] {{Stub}} ==Quotes== *When I pull up out front, you see the Benz on dubs. **[[50 Cent]], [https://genius.com/50-cent-in-da-club-lyrics "P.I.M.P."], ''Get Rich or Die Tryin&zwj;'&zwj;'' (6 February 2003), New York: Shady Records *Roll in the Benz with me, we could watch [[Television|TV]] from the backseat of my V. **[[50 Cent]], [https://genius.com/50-cent-pimp-lyrics "P.I.M.P."], ''Get Rich or Die Tryin&zwj;'&zwj;'' (6 February 2003), New York: Shady Records *I'm in the Benz on Monday; the [[w:BMW|BM]] on Tuesday. Range on Wednesday; Thursday I'm in the hooptie. **[[50 Cent]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p_nM0Hp9BM0 "Poor Lil Rich"], ''Get Rich or Die Tryin&zwj;'&zwj;'' (6 February 2003), New York: Shady Records *I'm in a big white Benz on a hot sunny day; I call it the milk truck and shit. **[[50 Cent]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kczEXQaQ3Yg "This is 50"], ''The Massacre'' (2005), New York: Shady Records *Early in the morning, hop into the Benz: I've got 44 ways of getting paid. **[[Dr. Dre]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqMzYSqkgLs "Alwayz into Somethin'"], ''[[w:Niggaz4Life|Niggaz4Life]]'' (28 May 1991), California: [[w:Ruthless Records|Ruthless Records]] *Slim Shady! Hotter then a set of twin babies in a Mercedes-Benz with the windows up, when the temp goes up to the mid-80s. **[[Eminem]], [https://genius.com/Dr-dre-forgot-about-dre-lyrics "Forgot About Dre"], ''2001'' (16 November 1999) * To many visitors, [[Weimar Republic|Germany in the 1920s]] was the [[United States]] of Europe: big, industrial, ultra-modern. It was home to some of Europe's biggest and best [[corporations]]: the [[electrical engineering]] giant [[wikipedia:Siemens|Siemens]], the [[Finance|financial]] titan [[wikipedia:Deutsche_Bank|Deutsche Bank]], the [[Car|automobile]] maker Mercedes-Benz, the [[chemical]] conglomerate [[wikipedia:IG-Farben|IG-Farben]]. ** [[Niall Ferguson]], ''The War of the World: Twentieth-Century Conflict and the Descent of the West'' (2006), p.  235 *When I was sixteen, I bought my first Mercedes-Benz. **[[Lil Wayne]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PTKouTiD9-0 "Stuntin' Like My Daddy"], ''Like Father Like Son'' (2006), Cash Money Records Inc. *So, ladies! Ladies, if you want to role in my Mercedes? Then turn around; stick it out. Even white boys got to shout! **[[Sir Mix-a-Lot]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bFsE2qcxixQ "Baby Got Back"], [[w:Mack Daddy|''Mack Daddy'']] (1992), [[w:New York City|New York]]: [[w:Reprise Records|Reprise Records]] *'''Sending out the message to all of my friends; we'll be looking flashy in my Mercedes-Benz.''' **[[w:Pink (rapper)|Pink]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mW1dbiD_zDk "Get the Party Started"], ''Missundaztood'' (2001), Universal Music Publishing Group *Success is not only one thing. It's not only having a nice house in Beverly Hills and driving a nice Mercedes. **[[Malik Bendjelloul]], [https://lyricsworldyou.com/2023/05/in-da-club-lyrics-50-cent.html "Mercedes"], ''Success is not only one thing&zwj;'&zwj;'' *Ain’t No Hotter Flow As Me, All Gas On Free 580 Benz Just So I Can Spin. **[[Tory Lanez]], [https://itunehubs.com/580-benz-prison-tapes-lyrics-tory-lanez/ "580 Benz (Prison Tapes)"], ''580 Benz (Prison Tapes)'' (2024), *Whipping That Benz Like A Rental **[[Kanye West]], [https://www.lyricsgist.com/field-trip-lyrics-ys "FIELD TRIP Kanye West"], ''FIELD TRIP Kanye West'' (2024), ==External links== *{{Wikipedia-inline}} [[Category:Companies based in Germany]] [[Category:Cars]] [[Category:Mercedes-Benz| ]] 1zjnbn5phvrm0lfzbhy9nxviuskkxxw 3779043 3778755 2025-07-15T07:56:23Z 87.200.127.38 /* Quotes */ 3779043 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Mercedes-Benz|Mercedes-Benz]]''' is a German global automobile marque and a division of Daimler AG. Mercedes-Benz is known for luxury vehicles, vans, trucks, buses, coaches and ambulances. The headquarters is in Stuttgart, Baden-Württemberg. The name first appeared in 1926 under Daimler-Benz. In 2018, Mercedes-Benz was the largest seller of premium vehicles in the world, having sold 2.31 million passenger cars. [[File:Mercedes benz logo 1926.png|thumb|''Das Beste Oder Nichts'' <br>"The Best Or Nothing]] [[File:Mondial de l'Automobile 2012, Paris - France (8677963997).jpg|thumb|Sending out the message to all of my friends; we'll be looking flashy in my Mercedes-Benz. ~ Pink]] {{Stub}} ==Quotes== *Whipping That Benz Like A Rental **[[Kanye West]], [https://www.lyricsgist.com/field-trip-lyrics-ys "FIELD TRIP Kanye West"], ''FIELD TRIP Kanye West'' (2024) *When I pull up out front, you see the Benz on dubs. **[[50 Cent]], [https://genius.com/50-cent-in-da-club-lyrics "P.I.M.P."], ''Get Rich or Die Tryin&zwj;'&zwj;'' (6 February 2003), New York: Shady Records *Roll in the Benz with me, we could watch [[Television|TV]] from the backseat of my V. **[[50 Cent]], [https://genius.com/50-cent-pimp-lyrics "P.I.M.P."], ''Get Rich or Die Tryin&zwj;'&zwj;'' (6 February 2003), New York: Shady Records *I'm in the Benz on Monday; the [[w:BMW|BM]] on Tuesday. Range on Wednesday; Thursday I'm in the hooptie. **[[50 Cent]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p_nM0Hp9BM0 "Poor Lil Rich"], ''Get Rich or Die Tryin&zwj;'&zwj;'' (6 February 2003), New York: Shady Records *I'm in a big white Benz on a hot sunny day; I call it the milk truck and shit. **[[50 Cent]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kczEXQaQ3Yg "This is 50"], ''The Massacre'' (2005), New York: Shady Records *Early in the morning, hop into the Benz: I've got 44 ways of getting paid. **[[Dr. Dre]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqMzYSqkgLs "Alwayz into Somethin'"], ''[[w:Niggaz4Life|Niggaz4Life]]'' (28 May 1991), California: [[w:Ruthless Records|Ruthless Records]] *Slim Shady! Hotter then a set of twin babies in a Mercedes-Benz with the windows up, when the temp goes up to the mid-80s. **[[Eminem]], [https://genius.com/Dr-dre-forgot-about-dre-lyrics "Forgot About Dre"], ''2001'' (16 November 1999) * To many visitors, [[Weimar Republic|Germany in the 1920s]] was the [[United States]] of Europe: big, industrial, ultra-modern. It was home to some of Europe's biggest and best [[corporations]]: the [[electrical engineering]] giant [[wikipedia:Siemens|Siemens]], the [[Finance|financial]] titan [[wikipedia:Deutsche_Bank|Deutsche Bank]], the [[Car|automobile]] maker Mercedes-Benz, the [[chemical]] conglomerate [[wikipedia:IG-Farben|IG-Farben]]. ** [[Niall Ferguson]], ''The War of the World: Twentieth-Century Conflict and the Descent of the West'' (2006), p.  235 *When I was sixteen, I bought my first Mercedes-Benz. **[[Lil Wayne]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PTKouTiD9-0 "Stuntin' Like My Daddy"], ''Like Father Like Son'' (2006), Cash Money Records Inc. *So, ladies! Ladies, if you want to role in my Mercedes? Then turn around; stick it out. Even white boys got to shout! **[[Sir Mix-a-Lot]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bFsE2qcxixQ "Baby Got Back"], [[w:Mack Daddy|''Mack Daddy'']] (1992), [[w:New York City|New York]]: [[w:Reprise Records|Reprise Records]] *'''Sending out the message to all of my friends; we'll be looking flashy in my Mercedes-Benz.''' **[[w:Pink (rapper)|Pink]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mW1dbiD_zDk "Get the Party Started"], ''Missundaztood'' (2001), Universal Music Publishing Group *Success is not only one thing. It's not only having a nice house in Beverly Hills and driving a nice Mercedes. **[[Malik Bendjelloul]], [https://lyricsworldyou.com/2023/05/in-da-club-lyrics-50-cent.html "Mercedes"], ''Success is not only one thing&zwj;'&zwj;'' *Ain’t No Hotter Flow As Me, All Gas On Free 580 Benz Just So I Can Spin. **[[Tory Lanez]], [https://itunehubs.com/580-benz-prison-tapes-lyrics-tory-lanez/ "580 Benz (Prison Tapes)"], ''580 Benz (Prison Tapes)'' (2024), ==External links== *{{Wikipedia-inline}} [[Category:Companies based in Germany]] [[Category:Cars]] [[Category:Mercedes-Benz| ]] 3rgq38mr2re1x340d8wo01f8vmd9pga 0 230029 3778860 3540186 2025-07-14T20:59:21Z ᘙ 3105225 /* Quotes */ 3778860 wikitext text/x-wiki [[w:Military history of India|The predecessors]] to the contemporary [[w:Army of India|Army of India]] were many: the [[w:sepoy|sepoy]] [[w:regiment|regiment]]s, native cavalry, irregular horse and [[w:Indian Army Corps of Engineers|Indian sapper and miner companies]] raised by the three [[w:Presidencies of British India|British presidencies]] during [[Company rule in India]]. The Army of India was raised under the [[British Raj]] in the [[19th century]] by taking the erstwhile presidency armies, merging them, and bringing them under the [[Monarchy of the United Kingdom|Crown]]. The British Indian Army fought in both World Wars. {{india-stub}} ==Quotes== * In war the Indians were by far the bravest of all the races inhabiting [[Asia]] at that time. ** Arrian, Anabasis, V, 4. quoted in Will Durant Our Oriental Heritage. * '''No Indian ever went outside his own country on a warlike expedition, so [[righteous]] were they.''' ** [[Arrian]], ''[[w:Anabasis Alexandri|Anabasis Alexandri]]'', Book VII : ''[[w:Indica (Arrian)|Indica]]'', as translated by Edgar Iliff Robson (1929), p. 18 *Anticipating war the hero should train himself to master archery, swordsmanship, cavalry and also fight on elephants and chariots, to emerge victorious when the battle breaks out . . . If the warrior’s training is incomplete and inadequate, he would not be able to face the fierce enemy, but if it (the observance of the vows) is perfect and complete, he would successfully quell the enemy and emerge victorious . . . One who panics on the battlefield is bound to face defeat and humiliation. ** Aayatavarma from Epigraphica Carnatica, cited in S. Settar, Inviting Death, Historical Experiments on Sepulchral Hill, Revised Edition, Primus Books, Delhi, 2016, p. 76 and S. Settar, Pursuing Death, Philosophy and Practice of Voluntary Termination of Life, Revised Edition, Primus Books, Delhi, 2017, pp. 148-49. quoted in [[Arun Shourie]], ''Preparing: For Death.'' Penguin Random House India Private Limited, 2020. ISBN 935305978X, ISBN 9789353059781 * While the [[Ancient Greece|Greek]] and [[Roman Empire|Roman]] [[Historian|historians]] have not failed to point to [[Alexander the Great|Alexander]]'s weaknesses and the difficulties encountered by him, [[Vincent Smith]] has extolled him as a hero. Out of the 501 pages of his 'Early Hiostory of India', 70 pages are devoted to Alexander's campaign. ... Basham admits... that 'at least in his approach to Alexander's Indian campaigns, Mookerji is a more impartial historian than the hero-worshipping Smiths and Tarns, who had never been able to view history from the angle for the East. **About the Indian campaign of Alexander the Great. BN Puri, , quoted in Devahuti, D., & Indian History and Culture Society. (1980). [https://archive.org/details/in.ernet.dli.2015.111522/mode/2up Bias in Indian historiography]. Delhi: D.K. Publications. p. 88-89 * Its water is dark; its fruit is bitter and poisonous; its land is stony, and its earth is saltish. A small army will soon be annihilated there... **Hakim's report about Hind and Sindh to Caliph [[Uthman]] who thought about invading North-western India. The Chachnama. Quoted in Misra, R. G. (2005). Indian resistance to early Muslim invaders up to 1206 A.D. p.17 * At most periods of [[History of India|her history]] India, though a cultural unit, has been torn by internecine war. In statecraft, her rulers were cunning and unscrupulous. [[Famine in India|Famine]], [[flood]] and [[Epidemic|plague]] visited her from time to time, and killed millions of her people. [[Social inequality|Inequality of birth]] was given religious sanction, and the lot of the humble was generally hard. '''Yet our overall impression is that in no other part of the ancient world were the relations of man and man, and of man and the state, so fair and humane. In no other early civilisation were slaves so few in number, and in no other ancient lawbook are their rights so well protected as in the Arthasastra. No other ancient lawgiver proclaimed such noble ideals of fair play in battle as did Manu. In all her history of warfare Hindu India has few tales to tell of cities put to the sword or of the massacre of non-combatants…There was sporadic cruelty and oppression no doubt, but, in comparison with conditions in other early cultures, it was mild. To us the most striking feature of ancient Indian civilisation is its humanity.''' **A.L.Basham in his “The Wonder That Was India” quoted in [https://talageri.blogspot.com/2016/05/hindutva-or-hindu-nationalism.html] [This article is a major extract from the article "Sita Ram Goel, memories and ideas" by S. Talageri, written for the Sita Ram Goel Commemoration Volume, entitled "India's Only Communalist", edited by Koenraad Elst, published in 2005. *[[Hindu|Hindus]] could not, even in the wildest stretch of their imagination, conceive of a war that defied description. Until then, the code of war ethics that they had inherited since the Vedic period rested upon a rather tempered, three-tiered categorisation, given, for example, by Kalidasa50, which was later elucidated by the [[Kashmiris|Kashmiri]] scholar, Vallabhadeva. The first was a Dharmavijayi, which refers to a conqueror who after defeating his enemy, allows him to rule the territory as before but exerts administrative control over him. The second was a Lobhavijayi—a conqueror who, after defeating his enemy, snatches both his territory and his treasury but spares the defeated king’s life. And the third was an Asuravijayi—a conqueror who not only grabs his vanquished enemy’s territory and treasury but puts him to death and takes his entire family, including women and children, as slaves. Needless to say, the Hindu tradition holds the Asuravijayi as the most despicable form of military victory. ** quoted in Balakrishna, S. Invaders and infidels: From Sindh to Delhi : the 500- year journey of Islamic invasions. New Delhi : BloomsBury, 2021. * No military unit in recent years has undertaken a more delicate and demanding peacetime mission than that faced by the Indian forces in [[Korean War|Korea]]. The vast majority of prisoners placed in their charge had from months of imprisonment and uncertainty become highly nervous and volatile. The confidence inspired by the exemplary tact, fairness and firmness shown by the Indian officers and men led by their two able commanders, Lt. General Thimayya and Major General Thorat did much to alleviate the fears and doubts of these prisoners. The performance of these officers and their troops was fully in keeping with the high reputation of the Indian Army. They deserve the highest commendation. ** [[Dwight D. Eisenhower]]; [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/node/233527 Message to Prime Minister Nehru Commending the Indian Custodial Forces in Korea Online], The American Presidency Project; 25 July 1953 * The total numbers of men fielded by the various parts of the [[British Empire]] [during [[World War II]]] were immense. All told, the [[United Kingdom]] itself mobilized just under six million men and women. But an additional 5.1 million came from [[British Raj|India]], [[Canada]], [[Australia]], [[New Zealand]] and [[South Africa]]. Victories like El Alamein and even more so Imphal were victories for imperial forces as much as for British forces; the [[Colonialism|colonial]] commitment to the Empire proved every bit as strong as in the [[World War I|First World War]]. Especially remarkable was the fact that more than two and a half million Indians volunteered to serve in the [[w:British_Indian_Army|British Indian Army]] during the war - more than sixty times the number who fought for the [[Japan during World War II|Japanese]]. The rapid expansion of the Indian officer corps provided a crucial source of loyalty, albeit loyalty that was conditional on [[Aftermath of World War II|post-war]] [[Indian independence movement|independence]]. ** [[Niall Ferguson]], ''The War of the World: Twentieth-Century Conflict and the Descent of the West'' (2006), p. 517 * India had barely [[Partition of India|become independent]], in 1947, when [[Kashmir conflict|Pakistan invaded Kashmir]], which at the time was ruled by a [[w:Hari_Singh|maharajah]]. The mahara­jah fled, and the [[Kashmiris|people of Kashmir]], led by [[w:Sheikh_Abdullah|Sheikh Abdullah]], asked for Indian help. [[Louis Mountbatten, 1st Earl Mountbatten of Burma|Lord Mountbatten]], who was still governor general, replied that he wouldn’t be able to supply aid to [[Kashmir]] unless Pakistan declared war, and he didn’t seem bothered by the fact that the [[Pakistan Armed Forces|Pakistanis]] were [[Sectarian violence in Pakistan|slaughtering the population]]. So [[Government of India|our leaders]] decided to sign a document by which they bound themselves to go to war with Pakistan. And [[Mahatma Gandhi]], apostle of [[nonviolence]], signed along with them. Yes, he chose war. He said there was noth­ing else to do. War is inevitable when one must defend somebody or defend oneself. ** [[Indira Gandhi]], quoted by ''[[Oriana Fallaci]]. (2011). Interview with Indira Gandhi, in : Interviews with history and conversations with power. New York: Rizzoli.'' * When Alexander had asked a [[Brahmin]] as to what they taught which inspired Hindu warriors to such high heroism, the Brahmin had replied in one sentence – “We teach our people to live with [[Honor|honour]].” **Sita Ram Goel, The Story of Islamic Imperialism in India (1982) *The Indian legion is a joke. I believe that if Indians could be used to turn prayer-wheels, they would be the most indefatigable soldiers in the world. But using them in a real life-and-death war is pure madness. They cannot even kill an [[Englishman]]. **A. Hitler, quoted/attributed in Martin Ros, Jakhalzen van het Derde Rijk, p 59, and in Elst, K. (2010). The saffron swastika: The notion of "Hindu fascism". I.524. * Today the absurd spectacle of the high-stepping [[soldiers]] from India and [[Pakistan]] who nightly strut their robotic lowering and folding of flags, with their high kicks, stamps and twirls, at a border crossing on the [[wikipedia:Old_Trunk_Road|Old Trunk Road]] between their two countries, draws increasingly large cheering crowds from each side and is a [[Youtube|YouTube]] favourite. It is surely a bit of harmless fun. Or is it? Both countries have [[nuclear weapons]] and [[India–Pakistan relations|a long history of conflict and mutual suspicion]]. And [[Military|militarism]], whether that means elevating the military to a position as the noblest and best of their societies or the leaching of military values, such as discipline and obedience into the civilian world, can lead to trouble for [[Democracy|democratic societies]]. ** [[Margaret MacMillan]], ''War: How Conflict Shaped Us'' (2020) *"Whatever the provocation, the shrine, the [[Brahman]] and the [[Cattle|cow]] were sacrosanct.... War being a special privilege of the martial classes, harassment of the civilian population during military operations was considered a serious lapse from the code of honour. The high regard which all [[Kshatriya|Kshatriyas]] had for the chastity of women, also ruled out abduction as an incident of war." ** K.M. Munshi, 'End of Ancient India' in Bharatiya Vidya Bhavan's Journal, vol. IV, no. II, December 29, 1959, pp. 8, 14. quoted from Lal, K. S. (1999). Theory and practice of Muslim state in India. New Delhi: Aditya Prakashan. Chapter 1 *The most curious thing was the code of war of those days; as soon as the battle for the day ceased and evening came, the opposing parties were good friends, even going to each other's tents; however, when the morning came, again they proceeded to fight each other. That was the strange trait that the Hindus carried down to the time of the Mohammedan invasion. Then again, a man on horseback must not strike one on foot; must not poison the weapon; must not vanquish the enemy in any unequal fight, or by dishonesty; and must never take undue advantage of another, and so on. If any deviated from these rules he would be covered with dishonour and shunned. The Kshatriyas were trained in that way. And when the foreign invasion came from [[Central Asia]], the Hindus treated the invaders in the selfsame way. They defeated them several times, and on as many occasions sent them back to their homes with presents etc. The code laid down was that they must not usurp anybody's country; and when a man was beaten, he must be sent back to his country with due regard to his position. The Mohammedan conquerors treated the Hindu kings differently, and when they got them once, they destroyed them without remorse. **Vivekananda, CW 4, THE MAHABHARATA (Delivered at the Shakespeare Club, Pasadena, California, February 1, 1900) quoted in in Shourie, Arun (1993). A secular agenda: For saving our country, for welding it. New Delhi, India: Rupa *[[Arthur Schopenhauer]] (d. 1860), one of the greatest nineteenth-century philosophers, narrates the sordid tale of the [[Muslim conquests in the Indian subcontinent|Islamic invasion of India]] as follows: ’…the endless persecutions, the religious wars, that sanguinary frenzy of which the ancients (of India) had no conception! The destruction or disfigurement of the ancient temples and idols, a lamentable, mischievous and barbarous act still bears witness to the monotheistic fury… carried on from [[Mahmud of Ghazni|Mahmud]], the Ghaznevid of cursed memory, down to [[Aurangzeb]]… We hear nothing of this kind in the case of the Hindoo.’ **cdlxxxvii Saunders TB (1997) The Essays of Arthur Schopenhauer: Book I : Wisdom of Life, De Young Press, p. 42–43 as quoted in M.A. Khan Islamic Jihad: A legacy of forced conversion, imperialism and slavery (2011) *Although conquest and conflict are by no means absent from dharmic traditions, these conflicts stemmed from an entirely different psychology and political programme than did the huge colonial endeavours of the West. ** Malhotra, R., & Infinity Foundation (Princeton, N.J.). (2018). Being different: An Indian challenge to western universalism. * When we remember their wonderful military success in other parts of the world, the comparatively insignificant results the [[Arabs]] achieved in India certainly stand out in marked contrast. The cause of this, however, does not lie in the religious and social peculiarities of India as old historians like [[Mountstuart Elphinstone|Elphinstone]] vainly attempted to establish. The cause lies undoubtedly in the superior military strength and state-organisation of the Indians as compared with most other nations of the time. However incredible this might appear in the light of subsequent events, this is the plain verdict of history. page 175 ** [https://archive.org/details/classicalage03bhar Volume 3]: ''The Classical Age [320-750 A.D.]'' * The Indian kings, all of whom accepted, at any rate in theory, the law of the Dharmastras as inalienable, waged wars according to certain humane rules. 'Whatever the provocation, the shrine, the Brahmata and the cow were sacrosanct to them. War being a special privilege of the martial classes, harassment of the civilian population during military operations was considered a serious lapse from the code of honour. The high regard which all the Kshatriyas had for the chastity of women, also ruled out abduction as an incident of war.... The wars in Central Asia, on the other hand, were grim struggles for survival, for the destruction of the enemies and for appropriating their womenfolk. No code circumscribed the destructive zeal of the conqueror; no canon restrained the ruthlessness of their hordes. When, therefore, Mahmud’s armies swept over North India it saw torrents of barbarians sweeping across its rich plains, burning, looting, indulging in indiscriminate massacre; raping women, destroying fair cities, burning down magnificent shrines enriched by centuries of faith; enforcing an alien religion at the point of sword; abducting thousands, forcing them into unwilling marriage or concubinage; capturing hundreds of thousands of men, women and children, to be sold as slaves in the markets of Ghazni and other Central Asian markets... Mahmud annexed the Punjab, thereby opening the way to the hungry men from the steppes of Central Asia to descend upon this rich and fertile land in search of plunder. Nothing would with- stand the Central Asian raiders eager to plunder and destroy. In a few years, Thaneswar, Mathura, Kanauj and Prabhasa Pattana were smoking ruins. ... However, the destruction and the humiliation inflicted by Mahmud’s raids shocked India’s sense of ancient superiority, bringing into play several political, social and psychological factors. With the Yaminis, the successors of Mahmud, firmly established in the [[Punjab]], the ‘Aryavarta-consciousness’ lost whatever significance it had. The belief that Chaturvarnya was a divinely appointed universal order, characteristic of the land, was shaken; for now a ruling race in the country not only stood outside it, but held it in contempt and sought its destruction. ** ''[https://archive.org/details/struggleforempir05bhar Volume 5]: ''The Struggle for Empire [1000-1300 A.D.]'' *" The most curious thing was the code of war of those days; as soon as the battle for the day ceased and evening came, the opposing parties were good friends, even going to each other’s tents; however, when the morning came, again they proceeded to fight each other. That was the strange trait that the Hindus carried down to the time of the Mohammedan invasion. Then again, a man on horseback must not strike one on foot; must not poison the weapon; must not vanquish the enemy in any unequal fight, or by dishonesty; and must never take undue advantage of another and so on. If any deviated from these rules he would be covered with dishonour and shunned. The Kshatriyas were trained in that way. And when the foreign invasion came from Central Asia, the Hindus treated the invaders in the selfsame way. They defeated them several times, and on as many occasions sent them back to their homes with presents etc. The code laid down was that they must not usurp anybody’s country; and when a man was beaten, he must be sent back to his country with due regard to his position. The Mohammedan conquerors treated the Hindu kings differently, and when they got them once, they destroyed them without remorse." ****Swami Vivekananda(Complete Works (IV. 93-4) ==External links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:History of India]] [[Category:Military history of Asia|India]] [[Category:Military of India|history]] iwnq9riw7aivlyp4lwqzn01h2blz2go 3778863 3778860 2025-07-14T21:01:01Z ᘙ 3105225 /* Quotes */ 3778863 wikitext text/x-wiki [[w:Military history of India|The predecessors]] to the contemporary [[w:Army of India|Army of India]] were many: the [[w:sepoy|sepoy]] [[w:regiment|regiment]]s, native cavalry, irregular horse and [[w:Indian Army Corps of Engineers|Indian sapper and miner companies]] raised by the three [[w:Presidencies of British India|British presidencies]] during [[Company rule in India]]. The Army of India was raised under the [[British Raj]] in the [[19th century]] by taking the erstwhile presidency armies, merging them, and bringing them under the [[Monarchy of the United Kingdom|Crown]]. The British Indian Army fought in both World Wars. {{india-stub}} ==Quotes== * In war the Indians were by far the bravest of all the races inhabiting [[Asia]] at that time. ** Arrian, Anabasis, V, 4. quoted in Will Durant Our Oriental Heritage. * '''No Indian ever went outside his own country on a warlike expedition, so [[righteous]] were they.''' ** [[Arrian]], ''[[w:Anabasis Alexandri|Anabasis Alexandri]]'', Book VII : ''[[w:Indica (Arrian)|Indica]]'', as translated by Edgar Iliff Robson (1929), p. 18 *Anticipating war the hero should train himself to master archery, swordsmanship, cavalry and also fight on elephants and chariots, to emerge victorious when the battle breaks out . . . If the warrior’s training is incomplete and inadequate, he would not be able to face the fierce enemy, but if it (the observance of the vows) is perfect and complete, he would successfully quell the enemy and emerge victorious . . . One who panics on the battlefield is bound to face defeat and humiliation. ** Aayatavarma from Epigraphica Carnatica, cited in S. Settar, Inviting Death, Historical Experiments on Sepulchral Hill, Revised Edition, Primus Books, Delhi, 2016, p. 76 and S. Settar, Pursuing Death, Philosophy and Practice of Voluntary Termination of Life, Revised Edition, Primus Books, Delhi, 2017, pp. 148-49. quoted in [[Arun Shourie]], ''Preparing: For Death.'' Penguin Random House India Private Limited, 2020. ISBN 935305978X, ISBN 9789353059781 * While the [[Ancient Greece|Greek]] and [[Roman Empire|Roman]] [[Historian|historians]] have not failed to point to [[Alexander the Great|Alexander]]'s weaknesses and the difficulties encountered by him, [[Vincent Smith]] has extolled him as a hero. Out of the 501 pages of his 'Early Hiostory of India', 70 pages are devoted to Alexander's campaign. ... Basham admits... that 'at least in his approach to Alexander's Indian campaigns, Mookerji is a more impartial historian than the hero-worshipping Smiths and Tarns, who had never been able to view history from the angle for the East. **About the Indian campaign of Alexander the Great. BN Puri, , quoted in Devahuti, D., & Indian History and Culture Society. (1980). [https://archive.org/details/in.ernet.dli.2015.111522/mode/2up Bias in Indian historiography]. Delhi: D.K. Publications. p. 88-89 * Its water is dark; its fruit is bitter and poisonous; its land is stony, and its earth is saltish. A small army will soon be annihilated there... **Hakim's report about Hind and Sindh to Caliph [[Uthman]] who thought about invading North-western India. The Chachnama. Quoted in Misra, R. G. (2005). Indian resistance to early Muslim invaders up to 1206 A.D. p.17 * At most periods of [[History of India|her history]] India, though a cultural unit, has been torn by internecine war. In statecraft, her rulers were cunning and unscrupulous. [[Famine in India|Famine]], [[flood]] and [[Epidemic|plague]] visited her from time to time, and killed millions of her people. [[Social inequality|Inequality of birth]] was given religious sanction, and the lot of the humble was generally hard. '''Yet our overall impression is that in no other part of the ancient world were the relations of man and man, and of man and the state, so fair and humane. In no other early civilisation were slaves so few in number, and in no other ancient lawbook are their rights so well protected as in the Arthasastra. No other ancient lawgiver proclaimed such noble ideals of fair play in battle as did Manu. In all her history of warfare Hindu India has few tales to tell of cities put to the sword or of the massacre of non-combatants…There was sporadic cruelty and oppression no doubt, but, in comparison with conditions in other early cultures, it was mild. To us the most striking feature of ancient Indian civilisation is its humanity.''' **A.L.Basham in his “The Wonder That Was India” quoted in [https://talageri.blogspot.com/2016/05/hindutva-or-hindu-nationalism.html] [This article is a major extract from the article "Sita Ram Goel, memories and ideas" by S. Talageri, written for the Sita Ram Goel Commemoration Volume, entitled "India's Only Communalist", edited by Koenraad Elst, published in 2005. *[[Hindu|Hindus]] could not, even in the wildest stretch of their imagination, conceive of a war that defied description. Until then, the code of war ethics that they had inherited since the Vedic period rested upon a rather tempered, three-tiered categorisation, given, for example, by Kalidasa50, which was later elucidated by the [[Kashmiris|Kashmiri]] scholar, Vallabhadeva. The first was a Dharmavijayi, which refers to a conqueror who after defeating his enemy, allows him to rule the territory as before but exerts administrative control over him. The second was a Lobhavijayi—a conqueror who, after defeating his enemy, snatches both his territory and his treasury but spares the defeated king’s life. And the third was an Asuravijayi—a conqueror who not only grabs his vanquished enemy’s territory and treasury but puts him to death and takes his entire family, including women and children, as slaves. Needless to say, the Hindu tradition holds the Asuravijayi as the most despicable form of military victory. ** quoted in Balakrishna, S. Invaders and infidels: From Sindh to Delhi : the 500- year journey of Islamic invasions. New Delhi : BloomsBury, 2021. * No military unit in recent years has undertaken a more delicate and demanding peacetime mission than that faced by the Indian forces in [[Korean War|Korea]]. The vast majority of prisoners placed in their charge had from months of imprisonment and uncertainty become highly nervous and volatile. The confidence inspired by the exemplary tact, fairness and firmness shown by the Indian officers and men led by their two able commanders, Lt. General Thimayya and Major General Thorat did much to alleviate the fears and doubts of these prisoners. The performance of these officers and their troops was fully in keeping with the high reputation of the Indian Army. They deserve the highest commendation. ** [[Dwight D. Eisenhower]]; [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/node/233527 Message to Prime Minister Nehru Commending the Indian Custodial Forces in Korea Online], The American Presidency Project; 25 July 1953 * The total numbers of men fielded by the various parts of the [[British Empire]] [during [[World War II]]] were immense. All told, the [[United Kingdom]] itself mobilized just under six million men and women. But an additional 5.1 million came from [[British Raj|India]], [[Canada]], [[Australia]], [[New Zealand]] and [[South Africa]]. Victories like El Alamein and even more so Imphal were victories for imperial forces as much as for British forces; the [[Colonialism|colonial]] commitment to the Empire proved every bit as strong as in the [[World War I|First World War]]. Especially remarkable was the fact that more than two and a half million Indians volunteered to serve in the [[w:British_Indian_Army|British Indian Army]] during the war - more than sixty times the number who fought for the [[Japan during World War II|Japanese]]. The rapid expansion of the Indian officer corps provided a crucial source of loyalty, albeit loyalty that was conditional on [[Aftermath of World War II|post-war]] [[Indian independence movement|independence]]. ** [[Niall Ferguson]], ''The War of the World: Twentieth-Century Conflict and the Descent of the West'' (2006), p. 517 * India had barely [[Partition of India|become independent]], in 1947, when [[Kashmir conflict|Pakistan invaded Kashmir]], which at the time was ruled by a [[w:Hari_Singh|maharajah]]. The mahara­jah fled, and the [[Kashmiris|people of Kashmir]], led by [[w:Sheikh_Abdullah|Sheikh Abdullah]], asked for Indian help. [[Louis Mountbatten, 1st Earl Mountbatten of Burma|Lord Mountbatten]], who was still governor general, replied that he wouldn’t be able to supply aid to [[Kashmir]] unless Pakistan declared war, and he didn’t seem bothered by the fact that the [[Pakistan Armed Forces|Pakistanis]] were [[Sectarian violence in Pakistan|slaughtering the population]]. So [[Government of India|our leaders]] decided to sign a document by which they bound themselves to go to war with Pakistan. And [[Mahatma Gandhi]], apostle of [[nonviolence]], signed along with them. Yes, he chose war. He said there was noth­ing else to do. War is inevitable when one must defend somebody or defend oneself. ** [[Indira Gandhi]], quoted by ''[[Oriana Fallaci]]. (2011). Interview with Indira Gandhi, in : Interviews with history and conversations with power. New York: Rizzoli.'' * When Alexander had asked a [[Brahmin]] as to what they taught which inspired Hindu warriors to such high heroism, the Brahmin had replied in one sentence – “We teach our people to live with [[Honor|honour]].” **Sita Ram Goel, The Story of Islamic Imperialism in India (1982) *The Indian legion is a joke. I believe that if Indians could be used to turn prayer-wheels, they would be the most indefatigable soldiers in the world. But using them in a real life-and-death war is pure madness. They cannot even kill an [[Englishman]]. **A. Hitler, quoted/attributed in Martin Ros, Jakhalzen van het Derde Rijk, p 59, and in Elst, K. (2010). The saffron swastika: The notion of "Hindu fascism". I.524. * Today the absurd spectacle of the high-stepping [[soldiers]] from India and [[Pakistan]] who nightly strut their robotic lowering and folding of flags, with their high kicks, stamps and twirls, at a border crossing on the [[wikipedia:Old_Trunk_Road|Old Trunk Road]] between their two countries, draws increasingly large cheering crowds from each side and is a [[Youtube|YouTube]] favourite. It is surely a bit of harmless fun. Or is it? Both countries have [[nuclear weapons]] and [[India–Pakistan relations|a long history of conflict and mutual suspicion]]. And [[Military|militarism]], whether that means elevating the military to a position as the noblest and best of their societies or the leaching of military values, such as discipline and obedience into the civilian world, can lead to trouble for [[Democracy|democratic societies]]. ** [[Margaret MacMillan]], ''War: How Conflict Shaped Us'' (2020) *"Whatever the provocation, the shrine, the [[Brahman]] and the [[Cattle|cow]] were sacrosanct.... War being a special privilege of the martial classes, harassment of the civilian population during military operations was considered a serious lapse from the code of honour. The high regard which all [[Kshatriya|Kshatriyas]] had for the chastity of women, also ruled out abduction as an incident of war." ** K.M. Munshi, 'End of Ancient India' in Bharatiya Vidya Bhavan's Journal, vol. IV, no. II, December 29, 1959, pp. 8, 14. quoted from Lal, K. S. (1999). Theory and practice of Muslim state in India. New Delhi: Aditya Prakashan. Chapter 1 *The most curious thing was the code of war of those days; as soon as the battle for the day ceased and evening came, the opposing parties were good friends, even going to each other's tents; however, when the morning came, again they proceeded to fight each other. That was the strange trait that the Hindus carried down to the time of the Mohammedan invasion. Then again, a man on horseback must not strike one on foot; must not poison the weapon; must not vanquish the enemy in any unequal fight, or by dishonesty; and must never take undue advantage of another, and so on. If any deviated from these rules he would be covered with dishonour and shunned. The Kshatriyas were trained in that way. And when the foreign invasion came from [[Central Asia]], the Hindus treated the invaders in the selfsame way. They defeated them several times, and on as many occasions sent them back to their homes with presents etc. The code laid down was that they must not usurp anybody's country; and when a man was beaten, he must be sent back to his country with due regard to his position. The Mohammedan conquerors treated the Hindu kings differently, and when they got them once, they destroyed them without remorse. **Vivekananda, CW 4, THE MAHABHARATA (Delivered at the Shakespeare Club, Pasadena, California, February 1, 1900) quoted in in Shourie, Arun (1993). A secular agenda: For saving our country, for welding it. New Delhi, India: Rupa *[[Arthur Schopenhauer]] (d. 1860), one of the greatest nineteenth-century philosophers, narrates the sordid tale of the [[Muslim conquests in the Indian subcontinent|Islamic invasion of India]] as follows: ’…the endless persecutions, the religious wars, that sanguinary frenzy of which the ancients (of India) had no conception! The destruction or disfigurement of the ancient temples and idols, a lamentable, mischievous and barbarous act still bears witness to the monotheistic fury… carried on from [[Mahmud of Ghazni|Mahmud]], the Ghaznevid of cursed memory, down to [[Aurangzeb]]… We hear nothing of this kind in the case of the Hindoo.’ **cdlxxxvii Saunders TB (1997) The Essays of Arthur Schopenhauer: Book I : Wisdom of Life, De Young Press, p. 42–43 as quoted in M.A. Khan Islamic Jihad: A legacy of forced conversion, imperialism and slavery (2011) *Although conquest and conflict are by no means absent from dharmic traditions, these conflicts stemmed from an entirely different psychology and political programme than did the huge colonial endeavours of the West. ** Malhotra, R., & Infinity Foundation (Princeton, N.J.). (2018). Being different: An Indian challenge to western universalism. * When we remember their wonderful military success in other parts of the world, the comparatively insignificant results the [[Arabs]] achieved in India certainly stand out in marked contrast. The cause of this, however, does not lie in the religious and social peculiarities of India as old historians like [[Mountstuart Elphinstone|Elphinstone]] vainly attempted to establish. The cause lies undoubtedly in the superior military strength and state-organisation of the Indians as compared with most other nations of the time. However incredible this might appear in the light of subsequent events, this is the plain verdict of history. page 175 ** [https://archive.org/details/classicalage03bhar Volume 3]: ''The Classical Age [320-750 A.D.]'' * The Indian kings, all of whom accepted, at any rate in theory, the law of the Dharmastras as inalienable, waged wars according to certain humane rules. 'Whatever the provocation, the shrine, the Brahmata and the cow were sacrosanct to them. War being a special privilege of the martial classes, harassment of the civilian population during military operations was considered a serious lapse from the code of honour. The high regard which all the Kshatriyas had for the chastity of women, also ruled out abduction as an incident of war.... The wars in Central Asia, on the other hand, were grim struggles for survival, for the destruction of the enemies and for appropriating their womenfolk. No code circumscribed the destructive zeal of the conqueror; no canon restrained the ruthlessness of their hordes. When, therefore, Mahmud’s armies swept over North India it saw torrents of barbarians sweeping across its rich plains, burning, looting, indulging in indiscriminate massacre; raping women, destroying fair cities, burning down magnificent shrines enriched by centuries of faith; enforcing an alien religion at the point of sword; abducting thousands, forcing them into unwilling marriage or concubinage; capturing hundreds of thousands of men, women and children, to be sold as slaves in the markets of Ghazni and other Central Asian markets... Mahmud annexed the Punjab, thereby opening the way to the hungry men from the steppes of Central Asia to descend upon this rich and fertile land in search of plunder. Nothing would with- stand the Central Asian raiders eager to plunder and destroy. In a few years, Thaneswar, Mathura, Kanauj and Prabhasa Pattana were smoking ruins. ... However, the destruction and the humiliation inflicted by Mahmud’s raids shocked India’s sense of ancient superiority, bringing into play several political, social and psychological factors. With the Yaminis, the successors of Mahmud, firmly established in the [[Punjab]], the ‘Aryavarta-consciousness’ lost whatever significance it had. The belief that Chaturvarnya was a divinely appointed universal order, characteristic of the land, was shaken; for now a ruling race in the country not only stood outside it, but held it in contempt and sought its destruction. ** ''[https://archive.org/details/struggleforempir05bhar Volume 5]: ''The Struggle for Empire [1000-1300 A.D.]'' *" The most curious thing was the code of war of those days; as soon as the battle for the day ceased and evening came, the opposing parties were good friends, even going to each other’s tents; however, when the morning came, again they proceeded to fight each other. That was the strange trait that the Hindus carried down to the time of the Mohammedan invasion. Then again, a man on horseback must not strike one on foot; must not poison the weapon; must not vanquish the enemy in any unequal fight, or by dishonesty; and must never take undue advantage of another and so on. If any deviated from these rules he would be covered with dishonour and shunned. The Kshatriyas were trained in that way. And when the foreign invasion came from Central Asia, the Hindus treated the invaders in the selfsame way. They defeated them several times, and on as many occasions sent them back to their homes with presents etc. The code laid down was that they must not usurp anybody’s country; and when a man was beaten, he must be sent back to his country with due regard to his position. The Mohammedan conquerors treated the Hindu kings differently, and when they got them once, they destroyed them without remorse." **Swami Vivekananda(Complete Works (IV. 93-4) ==External links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:History of India]] [[Category:Military history of Asia|India]] [[Category:Military of India|history]] 0umto7hpnaak0utkum2iz72ejzu8mdf 14 231026 3778602 2851422 2025-07-14T12:49:07Z UDScott 4304 Moving from [[Category:Activists]] to [[Category:Activists by issue]] using [[c:Help:Cat-a-lot|Cat-a-lot]] 3778602 wikitext text/x-wiki {{Wikipedia|Category:Nonviolence advocates}} [[Category:Nonviolence]] [[Category:Activists by issue]] [[Category:Pacifists]] nunnpzg84mz53mz5fjc31upy5m2vz6x 0 232471 3778488 3710258 2025-07-14T12:22:33Z UDScott 4304 3778488 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Jiri Lev|Jiri Lev]]''' (1979) is a Czech-Australian architect and urbanist, working in the field of sustainable residential, sacred and public architecture, disaster recovery and humanitarian development. Lev's works are known for their highly varied, regionally specific architectural style, often but not always inspired in traditional architecture, and prolific use of natural, raw and locally sourced construction materials. Lev teaches on sustainable and resilient architecture in lectures, workshops and writing. Lev first opened his practice Atelier Jiri Lev in 2014. == Quotes == * Like healthcare and legal representation, sustainable, resilient, healthy and beautiful living environment is not a luxury but a pragmatic necessity and a human right. ** [http://architectsassist.com.au/about Architects Assist founding statement, 2020]. * [Architecture's] economy, in the natural, evolutionary meaning of the word [means] obtaining best outcomes with minimum possible outlay of energy and resources. Like in nature, this fine-tuned balance usually also leads to aesthetically pleasing results. ** Interview for The Hobart Magazine, 2024 (Issue 61 p. 40) * At the end of its life, if allowed, a home should be able to decompose into uncontaminated soil, or at least become a beautiful ruin. ** Interview for The Hobart Magazine, 2024 (Issue 61 p. 40) * I'm not reinventing the wheel, I'm reminding people of what the wheel is. ** Interview for [https://www.9news.com.au/national/tasmanian-architect-unveils-diy-house-which-can-be-built-in-six-months-for-150k/ef7ae68c-17c7-4928-8f7d-dafd98142100 Nine News, 2024] * A building must come from the site, not to it.{{Citation needed}} * To be truly sustainable, buildings need to be beautiful and timeless so that future generations see value in restoring and preserving them. Abrupt fashion trends and striving for uniqueness at any cost should be avoided. ** Interview for [https://renew.org.au/sanctuary-magazine/ Sanctuary Magazine, 2022] * I consider self experimentation an architect’s obligation and duty. ** Interview for [https://www.dwell.com/article/tasmanian-house-jiri-lev-architect-cafe0e3d Dwell, 2021.] * We don’t need natural disasters. We’re building our own. [...] Unfortunately, it takes large scale disasters to expose the failures and negligence in design and construction. [...] A real change towards a better environment can only begin with better design available for everyone, everywhere. ** Interview for [https://hivelife.com/architects-assist/ Hive Life] * You'll find that it's quite a natural act for a human to build a home. ** Interview for [https://www.abc.net.au/news/2025-04-13/architect-releases-free-owner-build-plans-to-support-housing/104213884 ABC News] == External links == {{Wikipedia|Jiri Lev}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Lev, Jiri}} [[Category:Architects from the Czech Republic]] [[Category:Architects]] [[Category:People from Australia]] [[Category:1979 births]] [[Category:Living people]] ltieuvv816opkfv4zfzwde31nm7p09r 3778489 3778488 2025-07-14T12:23:03Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Architects]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778489 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Jiri Lev|Jiri Lev]]''' (1979) is a Czech-Australian architect and urbanist, working in the field of sustainable residential, sacred and public architecture, disaster recovery and humanitarian development. Lev's works are known for their highly varied, regionally specific architectural style, often but not always inspired in traditional architecture, and prolific use of natural, raw and locally sourced construction materials. Lev teaches on sustainable and resilient architecture in lectures, workshops and writing. Lev first opened his practice Atelier Jiri Lev in 2014. == Quotes == * Like healthcare and legal representation, sustainable, resilient, healthy and beautiful living environment is not a luxury but a pragmatic necessity and a human right. ** [http://architectsassist.com.au/about Architects Assist founding statement, 2020]. * [Architecture's] economy, in the natural, evolutionary meaning of the word [means] obtaining best outcomes with minimum possible outlay of energy and resources. Like in nature, this fine-tuned balance usually also leads to aesthetically pleasing results. ** Interview for The Hobart Magazine, 2024 (Issue 61 p. 40) * At the end of its life, if allowed, a home should be able to decompose into uncontaminated soil, or at least become a beautiful ruin. ** Interview for The Hobart Magazine, 2024 (Issue 61 p. 40) * I'm not reinventing the wheel, I'm reminding people of what the wheel is. ** Interview for [https://www.9news.com.au/national/tasmanian-architect-unveils-diy-house-which-can-be-built-in-six-months-for-150k/ef7ae68c-17c7-4928-8f7d-dafd98142100 Nine News, 2024] * A building must come from the site, not to it.{{Citation needed}} * To be truly sustainable, buildings need to be beautiful and timeless so that future generations see value in restoring and preserving them. Abrupt fashion trends and striving for uniqueness at any cost should be avoided. ** Interview for [https://renew.org.au/sanctuary-magazine/ Sanctuary Magazine, 2022] * I consider self experimentation an architect’s obligation and duty. ** Interview for [https://www.dwell.com/article/tasmanian-house-jiri-lev-architect-cafe0e3d Dwell, 2021.] * We don’t need natural disasters. We’re building our own. [...] Unfortunately, it takes large scale disasters to expose the failures and negligence in design and construction. [...] A real change towards a better environment can only begin with better design available for everyone, everywhere. ** Interview for [https://hivelife.com/architects-assist/ Hive Life] * You'll find that it's quite a natural act for a human to build a home. ** Interview for [https://www.abc.net.au/news/2025-04-13/architect-releases-free-owner-build-plans-to-support-housing/104213884 ABC News] == External links == {{Wikipedia|Jiri Lev}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Lev, Jiri}} [[Category:Architects from the Czech Republic]] [[Category:People from Australia]] [[Category:1979 births]] [[Category:Living people]] rf5rumm72be1x8sseypcn8ybmdmactw 0 232802 3778701 3456418 2025-07-14T13:55:19Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Comedians]]; added [[Category:Comedians from Scotland]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778701 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Count Dankula live interview still (cropped).png|thumb|Mark Meechan in 2017]] '''[[w:Markus Meechan|Markus Meechan]]''' (17 October 1987 –) is a Scottish [[w:YouTuber|YouTuber]] and former [[w:UK Independence Party|UK Independence Party]] candidate for the [[w:European Parliament|European Parliament]]. He uses the online name '''Count Dankula'''. == Quotes == *For the system to actually disregard such things means that your actions no longer matter - they decide what your context and intent is. For any comedians making jokes in Britain, I'd be very, very worried about your future because - the context and intent - apparently they don't matter anymore **[https://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/youtube-comedian-convicted-of-hate-crime-after-teaching-nazi-salute-to-dog YouTube comedian convicted of hate crime after teaching Nazi salute to dog] (March 21, 2018) == Quotes about Mark Meechan == *A man has been convicted in a UK court of making a joke that was deemed "grossly offensive". If you don't believe in a person's right to say things that you might find "grossly offensive", then you don't believe in Freedom of Speech. **[[Ricky Gervais]], [https://twitter.com/rickygervais/status/976115287991910400 Tweet] (March 20, 2018) == External links== {{wikipedia}} {{commonscat}} * {{youtube|channel=UC7SeFWZYFmsm1tqWxfuOTPQ}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Meechan, Markus}} [[Category:Politicians from Scotland]] [[Category:Political activists]] [[Category:Activists from Scotland]] [[Category:Internet personalities]] [[Category:Comedians from Scotland]] [[Category:1987 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:YouTubers]] [[Category:People from Glasgow]] luy0ny5juuqo9bjuhxuj35t8qcy55xc 14 233181 3778577 2935242 2025-07-14T12:49:03Z UDScott 4304 Moving from [[Category:Activists]] to [[Category:Activists by issue]] using [[c:Help:Cat-a-lot|Cat-a-lot]] 3778577 wikitext text/x-wiki {{Wikipediacat|Disability rights activists}} [[Category:Activists by issue]] [[Category:Disability]] [[Category:Rights]] orsxi118ijoobt2zf633w1mfgtpxwef 0 236458 3778661 3395199 2025-07-14T13:39:12Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Comedians]]; added [[Category:Comedians from Scotland]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778661 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Robbiecoltranecrop.jpg|thumb|Robbie Coltrane in 2007]] '''[[w:Robbie Coltrane|Anthony Robert McMillan]]''' [[w:Order of the British Empire|OBE]] (30 March 1950–14 October 2022), known professionally as '''Robbie Coltrane''', was a Scottish actor, writer and comedian. {{actor-stub}} == Quotes == *The people who are involved in the development of making films and television are not necessarily the most imaginative of people, to be honest. Well, they're not! I'm not being generically rude. But it's just a fact. **[https://www.theguardian.com/film/2012/nov/09/robbie-coltrane-interview-great-expectations Robbie Coltrane: 'I take no nonsense'] (9 November 2012) == External links== {{wikipedia}} {{commonscat}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Coltrane, Robbie}} [[Category:1950 births]] [[Category:2022 deaths]] [[Category:Actors from Scotland]] [[Category:Comedians from Scotland]] [[Category:BAFTA winners (people)]] tdp2csyb8ar2zs2ki9gwmeii7qcigxs 0 237657 3778916 3756008 2025-07-14T22:40:43Z 173.44.76.93 /* War Mantle [1.14] */ 3778916 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''{{w|Star Wars: The Bad Batch}}''''' is an American animated series created by Dave Filoni for the streaming service Disney+. ==Season 1== === ''Aftermath'' [1.01] === :'''Wrecker''': Let's blow something up. Yeah! :'''Depa Billaba''': Well, Caleb, shall we let them do what they do? :'''Caleb''': Only if I can go with them. :'''Depa Billaba''': Very well. :'''Hunter''': Hey kid, you ready for this? We move fast. :'''Caleb''': Good, that's the only way I know. :'''Wrecker''': ''[laughs]'' I like him! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Emperor Palpatine''': Execute Order 66. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Crosshair''': Where's the Jedi? :'''Hunter''': I stunned him when he jumped. He didn't make it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Emperor Palpatine''': And the Jedi rebellion has been foiled. The remaining Jedi will be hunted down and defeated. The attempt on my life has left me scarred and deformed. But, I assure you, my resolve has never been stronger. In order to ensure our security and continuing stability, the Republic will be reorganized into the [[w:Galactic Empire (Star Wars)|first Galactic Empire]], for a safe and secure society. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wrecker''': It's so good to be home. How long has it been? :'''Tech''': One hundred and eighty rotations in a standard cycle, but galactic zone changes put the adjusted figure at around 205. :'''Wrecker''': What? :'''Echo''': ''[sighs]'' A long time. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tech''': This isn't a drill. :'''Wrecker''': Man. What did we miss now? :'''Shock Trooper''': The end of the war. :'''Hunter''': Say again, trooper. :'''Shock Trooper''': General Grievous was defeated on Utapau. The Separatist leadership has collapsed. The war is over. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Admiral Tarkin''': Emperor Palpatine's priorities have changed. With the war at an end, the need for future clones is being questioned. :'''Lama Su''': Our contracts stipulate the continued production. :'''Admiral Tarkin''': Your contracts were with the Republic, which no longer exists. :'''Lama Su''': Surely you realize the precarious state this newly formed Empire is in. Clone troopers will be needed to maintain order throughout the galaxy. :'''Admiral Tarkin''': Indeed. A service conscription soldiers could provide at half the cost. :'''Lama Su''': The skill level and efficiency of our clones is far superior to that of any recruited body. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hunter''': Our squad's nothing but trouble. <hr width="50%"/> :'''AZI-3''': CT-1409's condition is stable. But I have some distressing news for the rest of you. According to your test results, you all appear to be genetically defective clones. I will leave you to process the shock of this revelation. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hunter''': An Imperial's been sent to evaluate the clones. Everyone's talking about it. :'''Echo''': What kind of evaluation? :'''Tech''': Hopefully not mental. Clearly we'd never pass that. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tech''': You are now more machine than man, at least percentage wise. :'''Echo''': Lucky me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Shock Trooper''': Admiral Tarkin has requested to see more of your squad in action. :'''Tech''': Then we are not being reprimanded? :'''Shock Trooper''': No, you're being tested. Now go gear up. :'''Wrecker''': So, we're not in trouble, and they want us to fight more? Ha! Maybe this Empire thing's not so bad after all. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Hunter gives Tech and Wrecker instructions through hand signals]'' :'''Wrecker''': I hate hand signals. :'''Tech''': Perhaps if you memorized them. :'''Wrecker''': Why don't ''you'' memorize them? :'''Tech''': I ''have''. What we did on Felucia. :'''Wrecker''': Well, why didn't you just say that? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Crosshair''': Stow it, already. You got shot. It happens all the time. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wrecker''': I'll say this for the Empire, they know firepower. You should see the new armory. :'''Crosshair''': He actually cried. :'''Wrecker''': Hey, we both did. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wrecker''': A new mission and unlimited explosives. Things are getting back to normal. :'''Tech''': That's not going near my rack. I refuse to sleep by a projectile again. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Saw Gerrera''': Palpatine will have control over the entire galaxy. Unless we stop him. :'''Crosshair''': The war is over. :'''Saw Gerrera''': If we give up now, everything we fought for...everyone we lost, will have been for nothing. I won't let that happen. The Clone War may have ended, but a civil war is about to begin. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wrecker''': Is that Crosshair? :'''Crosshair''': Best stand down, Sergeant. Make it easier on yourself. :'''Hunter''': Have you lost your mind? :'''Crosshair''': You should've killed that Jedi. You disobeyed orders. :'''Hunter''': I did what I thought was right. :'''Crosshair''': You never could see the bigger picture. Now surrender! :'''Hunter''': Is that an order? :'''Crosshair''': I guess it is. :'''Hunter''': Well, I guess I'm disobeying that one too. === ''Cut and Run'' [1.02] === :'''Wrecker''': I'm fine. It'll take more than a blaster shot to bring me down. :'''Echo''': You were down. :'''Wrecker''': Yeah, well, not for long. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cut''': Battling droids was easy compared to raising a child. ''[laughs]'' You have no idea what you're in for. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Echo''': It's ironic. Clones wanted names instead of numbers, yet now people are signing up to be given numbers. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Omega''': I know I made a mistake, and I have a lot to learn, but you don't have to get rid of me. I left Kamino with you. This is where I wanna be. :'''Hunter''': Tell you the truth, kid, I guess I've got a lot to learn too. If this is where you want to be, then this is where you'll stay. === ''Replacements'' [1.03] === :''[the Bad Batch's ship is about to crash]'' :'''Wrecker''': We're gonna die! We're gonna die! ''[notices Omega is watching him]'' We're gonna...be fine. We're gonna be fine. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Crosshair''': You want to know why they put me in charge? It's because I'm willing to do what needs to be done. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Omega''': ''[referring to Crosshair]'' You shouldn't be angry at him. He can't help it. :'''Hunter''': I'm angry at myself. We don't leave our own behind. :'''Omega''': Then we'll find a way to get him back...somehow. === ''Cornered'' [1.04] === :'''Wrecker''': Why'd you tell me we're out of rations? Now I'm starving. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Salesman''': If you're looking to sell something, how about your droid? :'''Echo''': Droid? :'''Hunter''': Uh, he's a military prototype. :'''Salesman''': Military, eh? Hmm. I'll give you 2,000. :'''Hunter''': Hmm. Give me a minute. :'''Echo''': No, no, no. You can't be serious. :'''Hunter''': We need the credits. Once we get the supplies, I'll give you the signal and you can leave. :'''Echo''': Fine, but not at that price. I am worth more than 2,000. :'''Hunter''': Make it 4,000. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Echo is attempting to escape]'' :'''Salesman''': You're not a droid. :'''Echo''': You got me for a bargain. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wrecker''': You mess with the kid, you mess with me. === ''Rampage'' [1.05] === :'''Cid''': I never had clone deserters come to me before. :'''Tech''': Yes, well, we separated due to a fundamental difference in ideology. :'''Cid''': That's cute, you thinking I care. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Echo''': The rancor is Muchi? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cid''': There's more where that came from, if you're looking for work. :'''Hunter''': I'll think about it. === ''Decommissioned'' [1.06] === :'''Hunter''': We haven't decided if we're gonna work for you or not. :'''Cid''': Allow me to decide for you. You're in! I'm talking a mutually beneficial arrangement. You make money, I make money, and I watch your back. With the heat on you, it's the best option you've got. :'''Hunter''': I guess we're in. :'''Cid''': I ''know'' you're in. I just ''told'' you you're in. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Trace Martez''': We need a diversion. :'''Rafa Martez''': What we need is a diversion. :'''Trace Martez''': Is there an echo in here? :'''Echo''': Yes. :'''Trace Martez''': What? :'''Echo''': I'm Echo. :'''Trace Martez''': Really? <hr width="50%"/> :''[battle droids get reactivated]'' :'''Battle droid 1''': Huh? What's happening? :'''Battle droid 2''': I don't know. Did we win? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hunter''': Here. :'''Rafa Martez''': What's this? :'''Hunter''': Tech copied the tactical droid's intel to this data rod before it got destroyed. :'''Rafa Martez''': Why are you giving it to us? :'''Hunter''': You'll use it for the right reasons. :'''Rafa Martez''': Huh. Maybe you are different. :'''Hunter''': To be honest, things were clearer when we were just soldiers. :'''Rafa Martez''': Take it from me. In the end, we all choose sides. === ''Battle Scars'' [1.07] === :'''Cid''': I suggest you figure something out before you see my ugly side. :'''Tech''': That's not her ugly side? :'''Cid''': What was that, goggles? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Omega''': I thought you didn't like the regs? :'''Wrecker''': This one we like. :'''Hunter''': Omega, this is Rex. :'''Captain Rex''': I've met a lot of clones in my time, but never one like you. :'''Omega''': You're a generation one. :'''Captain Rex''': Now how'd you know that? :'''Omega''': From the lines on your face. :'''Captain Rex''': Yeah, I guess I've been around. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Captain Rex''': When the war ended, I guess you could say I've been...keeping a low profile. :'''Tech''': Very low. Imperial files have you listed as killed in action. :'''Captain Rex''': Being dead in the Empire's eyes has its advantages. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wrecker''': You're in direct violation of Order 66. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hunter''': Stay out of trouble. :'''Captain Rex''': Funny. I was gonna say the same to you. Well... Take care, trooper. :'''Hunter''': Captain. If you're ever in a bind, you know how to reach us. === ''Reunion'' [1.08] === :'''Omega''': Woah, I've never been inside an ion engine before. :'''Wrecker''': It'd be weirder if you had. :'''Tech''': These chambers are quite the engineering marvel. The blast primer coating is capable of withstand- :'''Wrecker''': No one cares! ''[he pushes Tech]'' Keep movin'. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Omega''': Tech? What was the war like? :'''Tech''': It was a primary mission objective comprised of battles on various fronts. :'''Omega''': But...what was it ''like''? :'''Tech''': Hmm? I just told you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wrecker''': Woah! So many proton torpedoes. Come here, beautiful. :'''Omega''': Can you show me how to arm that? :'''Wrecker''': Sorry, kid. This one's all mine. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cad Bane''': I've taken down so many clones over the years. Once you figure out one, the rest are easy. :'''Hunter''': You're in for a surprise. :'''Cad Bane''': I doubt that. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cad Bane''': ''[to Omega]'' Sorry, little lady. === ''Bounty Lost'' [1.09] === :'''Tech''': All clones were created from a host named Jango Fett. While our genetic structure was modified for growth acceleration and obedience, Omega is a pure genetic replication. :'''Hunter''': How many clones like that exist? :'''Tech''': To my knowledge, there's only one other. A male clone code-named Alpha, later referred to as Boba. Since he disappeared at the start of the war, that makes Omega the sole living source of Fett's raw genetic material. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Omega''': If I'm as valuable as you say, Lama Su will keep sending bounty hunters after me. :'''Hunter''': He can send everyone in the galaxy. You have us. :'''Omega''': You can't fight them all. :'''Hunter''': Omega, you don't have to worry. You are never going back to Kamino. :'''Omega''': Promise? :'''Hunter''': Promise. === ''Common Ground'' [1.10] === === ''Devil's Deal'' [1.11] === === ''Rescue on Ryloth'' [1.12] === :'''Omega''': Gonky's prime power source won't fully charge. I'm fixing it. :'''Hunter''': You can't. He's a defective unit. :'''Omega''': ''[to Gonky]'' Don't worry, we're defective too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Omega''': Tech won't let me train until I can recite all the ship's specifications from memory. :'''Hera Syndulla''': Specs are only half of it. Flying is... It's about a feeling. :'''Omega''': What do you mean? :'''Hera Syndulla''': When I close my eyes and picture myself up there, I feel it. The instruments help guide you, but you plot your course. You're free. :'''Omega''': So you're a pilot? :'''Hera Syndulla''': No, not yet. But one day. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Admiral Rampart''': ''[looking for Hera]'' Tell us where she is and I will ensure she is returned to you safely. :'''Eleni Syndulla''': I have seen how you treat your allies, Admiral. I prefer to be your enemy. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Omega and Hera stole a shuttle and Hera is flying it for the first time]'' :'''Hera Syndulla''': We're getting the hang of this. :'''Tech''': Yes, your dangerous and uncontrolled maneuvering is as confusing to them as it is to us. === ''Infested'' [1.13] === === ''War Mantle'' [1.14] === :'''Gregor''': That's Captain traitor. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gregor''': I got blown up once and survived. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Omega''': Hunter tell them to come back. Order them to come back! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hunter''': Sorry kid, I can't do that. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hunter''': I figured you'd show up. :'''Crosshair''': I was hoping from the whole squad, but you'll do. === ''Return to Kamino'' [1.15] === :'''Crosshair''': Stop pretending to be something you're not, Hunter. We're not like the regs. We never have been. We're superior. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hunter''': This facility's being decommissioned. You don't seem too concerned. :'''Crosshair''': Why should I be? :'''Hunter''': Because the Empire will be phasing out clones next. :'''Crosshair''': Not the ones that matter. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hunter''': Crosshair, forget the Empire. This isn't you. It's your inhibitor chip. We can help you. :'''Crosshair''': Wrong. I had my chip removed a long time ago. :'''Hunter''': Since when? :'''Crosshair''': Does it matter? :'''Hunter''': Yes. :'''Crosshair''': This is who I am. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Crosshair''': It's time to stop running. Join the Empire, and you will have purpose again. :'''Hunter''': You really don't get who we are, do you? :'''Crosshair''': Don't make the same mistake twice. Don't become my enemy. :'''Hunter''': Crosshair, we never were. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Stormtrooper''': I'll notify the scouts. :'''Crosshair''': ''[about the Bad Batch]'' Don't bother. They'll come to us. They don't leave their own behind...most of the time. :'''Hunter''': You tried to kill us. We didn't have a choice. :'''Crosshair''': Hmm. And I did? === ''Kamino Lost'' [1.16] === :'''Crosshair''': The Empire will control the galaxy, and I am going to be a part of it. Hunter, you made the wrong choice. :'''Hunter''': Don't fool yourself. All you'll ever be to them is a number. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Crosshair''': All those missions together, and you threw it away. :'''Hunter''': We made a choice, and so did you. :'''Crosshair''': Soldiers follow orders. :'''Hunter''': Blind allegiance makes you a pawn. A real leader protects his squad. :'''Crosshair''': Look where that's gotten you. They're all going to die here because of your failed leadership. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wrecker''': All that time, you didn't even try to come back. We still would have taken ya. :'''Tech''': Let it go, Wrecker. Crosshair has always been severe and unyielding. It is his nature. You cannot change that. He cannot change that. :'''Crosshair''': Why are you defending me? :'''Tech''': Understanding you does not mean that I agree with you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Omega''': You're still their brother, Crosshair. You're my brother too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Wrecker''': You coming with us? :'''Crosshair''': None of this changes anything. :'''Hunter''': You offered us a chance, Crosshair. This is yours. :'''Crosshair''': I made my decision. :'''Hunter''': We want things different, Crosshair. That doesn't mean that we have to be enemies. <hr width="50%"/> :''[the Bad Batch stare at Kamino's destroyed cloning facility]'' :'''Omega''': It's...all gone. ==Season 2== === ''Spoils of War'' [2.01] === :'''Omega''': How could all of this belong to one person? :'''Tech''': It is safe to assume that the majority of Dooku's fortune came from many worlds he controlled and exploited. All in the name of his war effort. :'''Echo''': That's what corrupt people do. :'''Omega''': But isn't that what we're doing? :'''Echo''': Depends on how we use it. === ''Ruins of War'' [2.02] === === ''The Solitary Clone'' [2.03] === === ''Faster'' [2.04] === === ''Entombed'' [2.05] === === ''Tribe'' [2.06] === === ''The Clone Conspiracy'' [2.07] === === ''Truth and Consequences'' [2.08] === :<div align="justify">'''Emperor Palpatine''': I am deeply troubled by this recent revelation. My gratitude to Senator Chuchi for exposing a rogue element within our ranks. Many lives have been lost, but I assure you, Admiral Rampart will face the consequences for his treachery. However, he did not act alone. The fact that the clones under his command so blindly followed orders, inflicting such carnage without hesitation, gives me pause. Perhaps, it is time for a change. Now more than ever, building a strong galaxy requires protection and security. Due to the nefarious actions of Admiral Rampart, and the immediacy of the bill on the floor today, it is my opinion that this legislation is our future. With this momentous act, we shall usher in a new era heralded by the Imperial Stormtrooper.</div> <hr width="50%"/> :<div align="justify">'''Omega''': We did the right thing. We told the truth.</div> :<div align="justify">'''Hunter''': And he twisted it to his advantage.</div> === ''The Cloning'' [2.09] === === ''Retrieval'' [2.10] === === ''Metamorphosis'' [2.11] === === ''The Outpost'' [2.12] === === ''Papu'' [2.13] === === ''Tipping Point'' [2.14] === === ''The Summit'' [2.15] === === ''Plan 99'' [2.16] === '''Tech:''' When have we ever followed orders? ==Season 3== === ''Confined'' [3.01] === === ''Paths Unknown'' [3.02] === === ''Shadows of Tantiss'' [3.03] === :'''Emperor Palpatine:''' There is nothing of greater importance to the future of this Empire. Whatever is needed to accomplish this goal, you will have it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Emperor Palpatine:''' It is imperative that this facility remain hidden and secure. There are many, even within our own ranks, who would consider much of your work an abomination. But they lack the vision that we possess. Your brilliance is a great asset to this Empire. :'''Doctor Royce Hemlock:''' If I am appointed the Scientific Minister, I would strive to bring unleashed glory to ''all'' divisions of the Imperial Science Corps. :'''Emperor Palpatine:''' All in due time. === ''A Different Approach'' [3.04] === === ''The Return'' [3.05] === === ''Infiltration'' [3.06] === === ''Extraction'' [3.07] === === ''Bad Territory'' [3.08] === === ''The Harbinger'' [3.09] === === ''Identity Crisis'' [3.10] === :''[Dr. Hemlock is speaking to a hologram of Grand Moff Tarkin]'' :'''Dr. Royce Hemlock''': Governor Tarkin, to what do I owe this summons? :'''Grand Moff Wilhuff Tarkin''': Questions have been raised regarding the financial impact your facility is having upon Imperial resources. And now additional funds have been diverted at your request? :'''Hemlock''': That is correct. It is for a project that is of personal interest to the Emperor. :'''Tarkin''': Which is what? :'''Hemlock''': I'm afraid that's classified. :'''Tarkin''': Perhaps there is some assistance I may provide, seeing this is of such importance? :'''Hemlock''': The funding is all I require. It is worth the expenditure. :'''Tarkin''': You had better hope so. If this project fails to yield proper results, it won't bode well for your operation. Or for you, Doctor. === ''Point of No Return'' [3.11] === === ''Juggernaut'' [3.12] === === ''Into the Breach'' [3.13] === === ''Flash Strike'' [3.14] === === ''The Cavalry Has Arrived'' [3.15] === :'''Grand Moff Wilhuff Tarkin''': ''[after the Bad Batch have killed Dr. Hemlock and irreperably damaged Project Necromancer]'' Hemlock's failings have cost us enough. Shutter this facility indefinitely, and redistribute all funding to [[w:Death Star|Project Stardust]]. [[Category:2020s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:Computer-animated TV shows]] [[Category:American animated action TV shows]] [[Category:American animated science fiction TV shows]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Star Wars]] [[Category:Disney+ shows]] rznquj4zijfdy4co7817mfdfvmok795 0 237994 3778490 2973064 2025-07-14T12:23:44Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Architects]]; added [[Category:Architects from China]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778490 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Lin huiyin.jpg|thumb|Lin Huiyin]] '''[[w:Lin Huiyin|Lin Huiyin]]''' (Chinese: 林徽因, born 林徽音; known as '''Phyllis Lin''' or '''Lin Whei-yin''' when in the United States; [[10 June]] [[1904]] – [[1 April]] [[1955]]) was a Chinese architect and architectural historian. {{author-stub}} ==Quotes== * 一样是月明，<br />一样是隔山灯火，<br />满天的星<br />只使人不见，<br />梦似的挂起。 **The moon is still bright;<br />The lights below the hills are still on;<br />The sky is still full of stars<br />Hanging like dreams. ** "Do Not Throw Away" (《别丢掉》), translated by Michelle Yeh in ''A Chorus for Peace: A Global Anthology of Poetry by Women'' (University of Iowa Press, 2002), p. 41 ** Variant translation: *** The moon is still so bright;<br />Beyond the hills the lamp sheds the same light.<br />The sky besprinkled with star on star,<br />But I do not know where you are.<br />It seems<br />You hang above like dreams. **** [[Xu Yuanchong]], ''Vanished Springs: The Life and Love of a Chinese Intellectual'' (Vantage Press, 1999), pp. 44–45 ==External links== {{Commons category}} *{{wikipedia-inline}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Lin, Huiyin}} [[Category:1904 births]] [[Category:1955 deaths]] [[Category:Architects from China]] [[Category:Poets from China]] [[Category:Historians from China]] ks5lemxe7vq60w2vux4z0df7ewcy9ny 14 238060 3778612 2973887 2025-07-14T12:49:08Z UDScott 4304 Moving from [[Category:Activists]] to [[Category:Activists by issue]] using [[c:Help:Cat-a-lot|Cat-a-lot]] 3778612 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Activists by issue]] [[Category:Vegetarians]] 9oxdrdxp68pmvcqu07ogy57b7tx0dp2 0 240923 3778499 3714574 2025-07-14T12:27:05Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Architects]]; added [[Category:Architects from Spain]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778499 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Justo-gallego-martinez.jpg|thumb|"I do it for faith. That's clear, no?"]] '''Justo Gallego Martínez''' (20 September 1925 – 28 November 2021); also known by his honorific byname ''Don Justo'', was a Spaniard who was known for constructing a church building in the dimensions of a cathedral on his own in the town of Mejorada del Campo since 1961. == Quotes by Justo Gallego Martínez == *I do it for faith. That's clear, no? **{{cite news |url=https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-12088560 |title=BBC News - Madrid man builds cathedral from junk |work=BBC News |accessdate=7 April 2011 |date=30 December 2010}} *My love of Christ means I will go to the ends of the world. People get tired and bored because they have no ideals. They haven't given themselves to Christ, the creator. **{{Cite web |date=2017-03-09 |title=91-Year-Old ‘Fool for Christ’ Builds Massive Church in Spain |url=https://www.ncregister.com/blog/91-year-old-fool-for-christ-builds-massive-church-in-spain |access-date=2025-04-30 |website=National Catholic Register}} *I saw the Communists destroy all the churches here, with people laughing and dancing in the ruins. But when you believe, you can then also rebuild with your own hands a beautiful new place. **{{cite news|url=https://www.nytimes.com/2021/12/08/world/europe/justo-gallego-dead.html|title=Justo Gallego, Who Built a Cathedral, Brick by Brick, Dies at 96 |date=December 8, 2021|first=Raphael|last=Minder|work=New York Times}} *The world is vain. The world is ungrateful. I have to search for the truth. Do the opposite of what others do. **''[https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/B0BZY6Y76Z/ref=atv_dp_share_cu_r The Cathedral]'', documentary film *I demand a lot from myself, I reflect a lot, I search for the truth. That's what I was born to do, to be a witness to the truth. **''[https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/B0BZY6Y76Z/ref=atv_dp_share_cu_r The Cathedral]'', documentary film *I'm very eccentric. I do everything excessively. Maybe some people tell me I'm crazy. Others maybe say I'm vain. Others say something else, but everyone is wrong. I'm not crazy. **''[https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/B0BZY6Y76Z/ref=atv_dp_share_cu_r The Cathedral]'', documentary film *The graveyard is full of good intentions, but people never fulfil them. I'm different, I go for it. I've got myself all the way here. **''[https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/B0BZY6Y76Z/ref=atv_dp_share_cu_r The Cathedral]'', documentary film [[File:Human eye, anterior view.jpg|thumb|"God has created wonders with circles. The sun and moon are circles. The eye is round and it's beautiful. The circle is from God, but the angle is the Devil's doing."]] *God has created wonders with circles. The sun and moon are circles. The eye is round and it's beautiful. The circle is from God, but the angle is the Devil's doing. **''[https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/B0BZY6Y76Z/ref=atv_dp_share_cu_r The Cathedral]'', documentary film *As a Catholic, I have to be authentic. When I watch a football match, I never see all of it, and I ask God to forgive me for watching it. Because for me, it's idolatry. A man can't sell a football player for five billion. That's paganism. **''[https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/B0BZY6Y76Z/ref=atv_dp_share_cu_r The Cathedral]'', documentary film == Quotes about Justo Gallego Martínez == *He's a very crazy person. Everyone says he's crazy, everyone. I also think he's crazy. The way he speaks, the way he lives, it makes him crazy. **''[https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/B0BZY6Y76Z/ref=atv_dp_share_cu_r The Cathedral]'', documentary film *I think he's making a fool out of himself for his whole life, because he'll never finish it. **''[https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/B0BZY6Y76Z/ref=atv_dp_share_cu_r The Cathedral]'', documentary film [[File:Catedral de Justo exterior.JPG|thumb|"You can't build a cathedral, or even a house, without complex calculations and without studies in architecture. But Justo has no education of any kind, not even primary school. So, finding a human explanation for the building seems even more difficult to me than finding a supernatural one."]] *You can't build a cathedral, or even a house, without complex calculations and without studies in architecture. But Justo has no education of any kind, not even primary school. So, finding a human explanation for the building seems even more difficult to me than finding a supernatural one. **''[https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/B0BZY6Y76Z/ref=atv_dp_share_cu_r The Cathedral]'', documentary film *He's able to give life to things that no longer have it. That's also very connected to Christianity. **''[https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/B0BZY6Y76Z/ref=atv_dp_share_cu_r The Cathedral]'', documentary film *Perhaps the origin of the idea and the message got lost along the way. The slogan wasn't, "what a man is capable of doing for his faith". Instead, it was, "what a man, with faith in himself, can achieve". But if we take the religious aspect out of Justo, we cease to understand him. **''[https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/B0BZY6Y76Z/ref=atv_dp_share_cu_r The Cathedral]'', documentary film *When you see the structure from afar, and without knowing what it is, it can seem a little messy and chaotic, maybe a little poorly built. But when you realize it was built by one man alone, you get goosebumps. **''[https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/B0BZY6Y76Z/ref=atv_dp_share_cu_r The Cathedral]'', documentary film *I think you start to think someone is crazy when you see him from a distance, and when he is too different it makes him a madman. But when you get closer to him, you start to see his point. All of a sudden it dawned on me that the cathedral was built for the greatest reason in the world. When I see the building, I think I also want to build it in my life. Not a building, but I want to build it with my wife. An invisible building, but one you've built with love, with thousands of details, so that when you reach the end of your life, you've left a physical metaphor that shows that love endures. **''[https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/B0BZY6Y76Z/ref=atv_dp_share_cu_r The Cathedral]'', documentary film == External links== {{wikipedia}} {{commonscat}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Martínez, Justo Gallego}} [[Category:Architects from Spain]] [[Category:Catholics from Spain]] [[Category:Christian monks]] [[Category:1925 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:People from Madrid]] exhktaevepz6y7yv83ymrpw6pgkbcg2 3778500 3778499 2025-07-14T12:27:36Z UDScott 4304 3778500 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Justo-gallego-martinez.jpg|thumb|"I do it for faith. That's clear, no?"]] '''[[w:Justo Gallego Martínez|Justo Gallego Martínez]]''' (20 September 1925 – 28 November 2021); also known by his honorific byname ''Don Justo'', was a Spaniard who was known for constructing a church building in the dimensions of a cathedral on his own in the town of Mejorada del Campo since 1961. == Quotes == *I do it for faith. That's clear, no? **{{cite news |url=https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-12088560 |title=BBC News - Madrid man builds cathedral from junk |work=BBC News |accessdate=7 April 2011 |date=30 December 2010}} *My love of Christ means I will go to the ends of the world. People get tired and bored because they have no ideals. They haven't given themselves to Christ, the creator. **{{Cite web |date=2017-03-09 |title=91-Year-Old ‘Fool for Christ’ Builds Massive Church in Spain |url=https://www.ncregister.com/blog/91-year-old-fool-for-christ-builds-massive-church-in-spain |access-date=2025-04-30 |website=National Catholic Register}} *I saw the Communists destroy all the churches here, with people laughing and dancing in the ruins. But when you believe, you can then also rebuild with your own hands a beautiful new place. **{{cite news|url=https://www.nytimes.com/2021/12/08/world/europe/justo-gallego-dead.html|title=Justo Gallego, Who Built a Cathedral, Brick by Brick, Dies at 96 |date=December 8, 2021|first=Raphael|last=Minder|work=New York Times}} *The world is vain. The world is ungrateful. I have to search for the truth. Do the opposite of what others do. **''[https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/B0BZY6Y76Z/ref=atv_dp_share_cu_r The Cathedral]'', documentary film *I demand a lot from myself, I reflect a lot, I search for the truth. That's what I was born to do, to be a witness to the truth. **''[https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/B0BZY6Y76Z/ref=atv_dp_share_cu_r The Cathedral]'', documentary film *I'm very eccentric. I do everything excessively. Maybe some people tell me I'm crazy. Others maybe say I'm vain. Others say something else, but everyone is wrong. I'm not crazy. **''[https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/B0BZY6Y76Z/ref=atv_dp_share_cu_r The Cathedral]'', documentary film *The graveyard is full of good intentions, but people never fulfil them. I'm different, I go for it. I've got myself all the way here. **''[https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/B0BZY6Y76Z/ref=atv_dp_share_cu_r The Cathedral]'', documentary film [[File:Human eye, anterior view.jpg|thumb|"God has created wonders with circles. The sun and moon are circles. The eye is round and it's beautiful. The circle is from God, but the angle is the Devil's doing."]] *God has created wonders with circles. The sun and moon are circles. The eye is round and it's beautiful. The circle is from God, but the angle is the Devil's doing. **''[https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/B0BZY6Y76Z/ref=atv_dp_share_cu_r The Cathedral]'', documentary film *As a Catholic, I have to be authentic. When I watch a football match, I never see all of it, and I ask God to forgive me for watching it. Because for me, it's idolatry. A man can't sell a football player for five billion. That's paganism. **''[https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/B0BZY6Y76Z/ref=atv_dp_share_cu_r The Cathedral]'', documentary film == Quotes about Justo Gallego Martínez == *He's a very crazy person. Everyone says he's crazy, everyone. I also think he's crazy. The way he speaks, the way he lives, it makes him crazy. **''[https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/B0BZY6Y76Z/ref=atv_dp_share_cu_r The Cathedral]'', documentary film *I think he's making a fool out of himself for his whole life, because he'll never finish it. **''[https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/B0BZY6Y76Z/ref=atv_dp_share_cu_r The Cathedral]'', documentary film [[File:Catedral de Justo exterior.JPG|thumb|"You can't build a cathedral, or even a house, without complex calculations and without studies in architecture. But Justo has no education of any kind, not even primary school. So, finding a human explanation for the building seems even more difficult to me than finding a supernatural one."]] *You can't build a cathedral, or even a house, without complex calculations and without studies in architecture. But Justo has no education of any kind, not even primary school. So, finding a human explanation for the building seems even more difficult to me than finding a supernatural one. **''[https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/B0BZY6Y76Z/ref=atv_dp_share_cu_r The Cathedral]'', documentary film *He's able to give life to things that no longer have it. That's also very connected to Christianity. **''[https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/B0BZY6Y76Z/ref=atv_dp_share_cu_r The Cathedral]'', documentary film *Perhaps the origin of the idea and the message got lost along the way. The slogan wasn't, "what a man is capable of doing for his faith". Instead, it was, "what a man, with faith in himself, can achieve". But if we take the religious aspect out of Justo, we cease to understand him. **''[https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/B0BZY6Y76Z/ref=atv_dp_share_cu_r The Cathedral]'', documentary film *When you see the structure from afar, and without knowing what it is, it can seem a little messy and chaotic, maybe a little poorly built. But when you realize it was built by one man alone, you get goosebumps. **''[https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/B0BZY6Y76Z/ref=atv_dp_share_cu_r The Cathedral]'', documentary film *I think you start to think someone is crazy when you see him from a distance, and when he is too different it makes him a madman. But when you get closer to him, you start to see his point. All of a sudden it dawned on me that the cathedral was built for the greatest reason in the world. When I see the building, I think I also want to build it in my life. Not a building, but I want to build it with my wife. An invisible building, but one you've built with love, with thousands of details, so that when you reach the end of your life, you've left a physical metaphor that shows that love endures. **''[https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/B0BZY6Y76Z/ref=atv_dp_share_cu_r The Cathedral]'', documentary film == External links== {{wikipedia}} {{commonscat}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Martínez, Justo Gallego}} [[Category:Architects from Spain]] [[Category:Catholics from Spain]] [[Category:Christian monks]] [[Category:1925 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:People from Madrid]] mmcmnyog5wm0uu2qfzgfgrjus2zysj4 3778501 3778500 2025-07-14T12:27:54Z UDScott 4304 3778501 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Justo-gallego-martinez.jpg|thumb|"I do it for faith. That's clear, no?"]] '''[[w:Justo Gallego Martínez|Justo Gallego Martínez]]''' (20 September 1925 – 28 November 2021); also known by his honorific byname '''Don Justo''', was a Spaniard who was known for constructing a church building in the dimensions of a cathedral on his own in the town of Mejorada del Campo since 1961. == Quotes == *I do it for faith. That's clear, no? **{{cite news |url=https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-12088560 |title=BBC News - Madrid man builds cathedral from junk |work=BBC News |accessdate=7 April 2011 |date=30 December 2010}} *My love of Christ means I will go to the ends of the world. People get tired and bored because they have no ideals. They haven't given themselves to Christ, the creator. **{{Cite web |date=2017-03-09 |title=91-Year-Old ‘Fool for Christ’ Builds Massive Church in Spain |url=https://www.ncregister.com/blog/91-year-old-fool-for-christ-builds-massive-church-in-spain |access-date=2025-04-30 |website=National Catholic Register}} *I saw the Communists destroy all the churches here, with people laughing and dancing in the ruins. But when you believe, you can then also rebuild with your own hands a beautiful new place. **{{cite news|url=https://www.nytimes.com/2021/12/08/world/europe/justo-gallego-dead.html|title=Justo Gallego, Who Built a Cathedral, Brick by Brick, Dies at 96 |date=December 8, 2021|first=Raphael|last=Minder|work=New York Times}} *The world is vain. The world is ungrateful. I have to search for the truth. Do the opposite of what others do. **''[https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/B0BZY6Y76Z/ref=atv_dp_share_cu_r The Cathedral]'', documentary film *I demand a lot from myself, I reflect a lot, I search for the truth. That's what I was born to do, to be a witness to the truth. **''[https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/B0BZY6Y76Z/ref=atv_dp_share_cu_r The Cathedral]'', documentary film *I'm very eccentric. I do everything excessively. Maybe some people tell me I'm crazy. Others maybe say I'm vain. Others say something else, but everyone is wrong. I'm not crazy. **''[https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/B0BZY6Y76Z/ref=atv_dp_share_cu_r The Cathedral]'', documentary film *The graveyard is full of good intentions, but people never fulfil them. I'm different, I go for it. I've got myself all the way here. **''[https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/B0BZY6Y76Z/ref=atv_dp_share_cu_r The Cathedral]'', documentary film [[File:Human eye, anterior view.jpg|thumb|"God has created wonders with circles. The sun and moon are circles. The eye is round and it's beautiful. The circle is from God, but the angle is the Devil's doing."]] *God has created wonders with circles. The sun and moon are circles. The eye is round and it's beautiful. The circle is from God, but the angle is the Devil's doing. **''[https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/B0BZY6Y76Z/ref=atv_dp_share_cu_r The Cathedral]'', documentary film *As a Catholic, I have to be authentic. When I watch a football match, I never see all of it, and I ask God to forgive me for watching it. Because for me, it's idolatry. A man can't sell a football player for five billion. That's paganism. **''[https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/B0BZY6Y76Z/ref=atv_dp_share_cu_r The Cathedral]'', documentary film == Quotes about Justo Gallego Martínez == *He's a very crazy person. Everyone says he's crazy, everyone. I also think he's crazy. The way he speaks, the way he lives, it makes him crazy. **''[https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/B0BZY6Y76Z/ref=atv_dp_share_cu_r The Cathedral]'', documentary film *I think he's making a fool out of himself for his whole life, because he'll never finish it. **''[https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/B0BZY6Y76Z/ref=atv_dp_share_cu_r The Cathedral]'', documentary film [[File:Catedral de Justo exterior.JPG|thumb|"You can't build a cathedral, or even a house, without complex calculations and without studies in architecture. But Justo has no education of any kind, not even primary school. So, finding a human explanation for the building seems even more difficult to me than finding a supernatural one."]] *You can't build a cathedral, or even a house, without complex calculations and without studies in architecture. But Justo has no education of any kind, not even primary school. So, finding a human explanation for the building seems even more difficult to me than finding a supernatural one. **''[https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/B0BZY6Y76Z/ref=atv_dp_share_cu_r The Cathedral]'', documentary film *He's able to give life to things that no longer have it. That's also very connected to Christianity. **''[https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/B0BZY6Y76Z/ref=atv_dp_share_cu_r The Cathedral]'', documentary film *Perhaps the origin of the idea and the message got lost along the way. The slogan wasn't, "what a man is capable of doing for his faith". Instead, it was, "what a man, with faith in himself, can achieve". But if we take the religious aspect out of Justo, we cease to understand him. **''[https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/B0BZY6Y76Z/ref=atv_dp_share_cu_r The Cathedral]'', documentary film *When you see the structure from afar, and without knowing what it is, it can seem a little messy and chaotic, maybe a little poorly built. But when you realize it was built by one man alone, you get goosebumps. **''[https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/B0BZY6Y76Z/ref=atv_dp_share_cu_r The Cathedral]'', documentary film *I think you start to think someone is crazy when you see him from a distance, and when he is too different it makes him a madman. But when you get closer to him, you start to see his point. All of a sudden it dawned on me that the cathedral was built for the greatest reason in the world. When I see the building, I think I also want to build it in my life. Not a building, but I want to build it with my wife. An invisible building, but one you've built with love, with thousands of details, so that when you reach the end of your life, you've left a physical metaphor that shows that love endures. **''[https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/B0BZY6Y76Z/ref=atv_dp_share_cu_r The Cathedral]'', documentary film == External links== {{wikipedia}} {{commonscat}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Martínez, Justo Gallego}} [[Category:Architects from Spain]] [[Category:Catholics from Spain]] [[Category:Christian monks]] [[Category:1925 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:People from Madrid]] fp3yre1ubzhnbjeichw9uy0sbx03nk2 0 241988 3778534 3119605 2025-07-14T12:40:10Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Architects]]; added [[Category:Architects from Australia]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778534 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Adrian Snodgrass|Adrian Snodgrass]]''' is an Australian architect and scholar in [[w:Buddhist studies|Buddhist studies]] and [[w:Buddhist art|Buddhist art]]. He has developed theories in the area of [[w:hermeneutics|hermeneutical philosophy]] and its application to knowledge production and cross-cultural understanding. Snodgrass is co-editor of the journal ''Architectural Theory Review'' and Editor of ''Architectural Theory''. {{architect-stub}} ==Quotes== * The [[svastika]], commonly used as an aniconic representation of the [[Buddha]], is also homologous with the [[Dharmachakra|wheel]]. If the svastika is compared with the figure of the cross inscribed within a circle, the basic equivalence of the two symbols is apparent, the rotation of the wheel being indicated in the first case by the circumference of the circle and in the svastika by the lines at right angles to the four arms of the cross, which are to be thought of in the manner of ribbons streaming in the wind. Like the wheel, the svastika represents movement about a fixed and unmoving axis and, like the wheel, it is a symbol of the generation of universal cycles from a forever-Present Centre. It represents the generation of currents of energy, and is a symbol of the action of immutable Principle, the "unmoved mover", within manifestation. ** [https://www.google.com/books/edition/_/nzqK8dDCM0UC?hl=en&gbpv=1&pg=PA82 ''The Symbolism of the Stupa''] (1992), pp. 82-3. == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Snodgrass, Adrian}} [[Category:Architects from Australia]] [[Category:Academics from Australia]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Editors]] 9ujy0sx8r7vqeu4iy8rl8lxukiv7kma 3778535 3778534 2025-07-14T12:40:15Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Editors]]; added [[Category:Editors from Australia]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778535 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Adrian Snodgrass|Adrian Snodgrass]]''' is an Australian architect and scholar in [[w:Buddhist studies|Buddhist studies]] and [[w:Buddhist art|Buddhist art]]. He has developed theories in the area of [[w:hermeneutics|hermeneutical philosophy]] and its application to knowledge production and cross-cultural understanding. Snodgrass is co-editor of the journal ''Architectural Theory Review'' and Editor of ''Architectural Theory''. {{architect-stub}} ==Quotes== * The [[svastika]], commonly used as an aniconic representation of the [[Buddha]], is also homologous with the [[Dharmachakra|wheel]]. If the svastika is compared with the figure of the cross inscribed within a circle, the basic equivalence of the two symbols is apparent, the rotation of the wheel being indicated in the first case by the circumference of the circle and in the svastika by the lines at right angles to the four arms of the cross, which are to be thought of in the manner of ribbons streaming in the wind. Like the wheel, the svastika represents movement about a fixed and unmoving axis and, like the wheel, it is a symbol of the generation of universal cycles from a forever-Present Centre. It represents the generation of currents of energy, and is a symbol of the action of immutable Principle, the "unmoved mover", within manifestation. ** [https://www.google.com/books/edition/_/nzqK8dDCM0UC?hl=en&gbpv=1&pg=PA82 ''The Symbolism of the Stupa''] (1992), pp. 82-3. == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Snodgrass, Adrian}} [[Category:Architects from Australia]] [[Category:Academics from Australia]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Editors from Australia]] dpvlmrcduyzajudh8v8p9i2o8knsrgz 0 242047 3778731 3655398 2025-07-14T14:19:54Z Uncle Bash007 3112211 Removed weasel word 3778731 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Gaositwe Chiepe|Dr Gaositwe Thipe Chiepe]]''' ([[20 October]] [[1922]] – [[26 January]] [[2025]]) in [[google:serowe&oq=serowe&aqs=chrome..69i57j0l3.6215j1j4&client=ms-android-samsung&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8|Serowe]] and a daughter to T. and S.T Chiepe (nee Sebina). Her father died when she was very young and her extended family wanted her to leave school and get married, but her mother insisted she stay in school to continue her education. Chiepe undoubtedly attributed her successful career to her mother’s insistence that she be educated. She was very instrumental in the formulation of the [[Botswana]] educational system, she represented [[Botswana]] as high commissioner and ambassador plenipotentiary to many [[Europe|European]] countries. A [[Botswana]] politician, diplomat, educator, intellectual and former cabinet minister under the Botswana Democratic Party. She was the first woman education officer. She was her country's high commissioner to the [[w:United Kingdom|United Kingdom]] and [[w:Nigeria|Nigeria]] and ambassador to [[w:West Germany|West Germany]], [[France]], [[Denmark]], [[Norway]], [[Sweden]] and the European Economic Community. She was Botswana's Minister for Trade and Industry in 1977 and in 1984 she became the Foreign minister. She then served as the Minister for Education from 1994 to 1999. {{political-stub}} {{women-stub}} == Quotes == * Let us, as the [[elderly]] not be relegated to being [[dinosaurs]] but utilize our knowledge and hard earned [[wisdom]] to not only increase our relevance and longevity in society, but also increase the contact between generations, bridging the gap between young and old. *We want to be ‘the aged in counsel and the young in action. ** [https://www.sundaystandard.info/donocot-turns-us-the-elderly-into-dinosaurs-dr-chiepe/ Don’t turns us, the elderly, into dinosaurs – Dr Chiepe] (16th October 2013) *First thing I say to girls is be yourself, don't try to be something else. Respect yourself and everyone will respect you. I worked in a man's world, everywhere I went I was practically the only woman, but they respected me. *I am against the idea of quotas for women in Parliament or councils. I don't think that it is right to put a woman in a position just because she's a woman. Nor do I want a woman to be denied a job because she is a woman. But I also do recognize that because so very few women are in such positions, they must be given a head start, hence the reason for a quota. But they must earn it. *Whatever you do, make sure it's your best. Everything I did was my best, hence I have no regrets. In Setswana, there is a saying: 'Susu ilela suswane go re suswane a go ilele.' **[https://www.mmegi.bw/ampArticle/13987 Gaositwe Chiepe], Along came Gaositwe, Mmegionline ( ''28 August 2009'') Retrieved 7 November 2021. *“We truly express our gratitude to all the elderly persons of Botswana (alive and those resting) for the shape that they molded us into!” **[https://www.sundaystandard.info/donocot-turns-us-the-elderly-into-dinosaurs-dr-chiepe/ Don’t turns us, the elderly, into dinosaurs – Dr Chiepe], Sunday Standard, 16 October 2013, Retrieved: 4 November 2023 == External links== {{wikipedia}} {{commonscat}} * [https://www.sundaystandard.info/donocot-turns-us-the-elderly-into-dinosaurs-dr-chiepe/ Don’t turns us, the elderly, into dinosaurs] – Dr Chiepe (16th October 2013. * [https://www.mmegi.bw/ampArticle/13987 Gaositweitwe Chiepe, Along came Gaositwe,] Mmegionline ( 28 August 2009) Retrieved 7 November 2021 {{DEFAULTSORT:Chiepe, Gaositwe}} [[Category:1922 births]] [[Category:2025 deaths]] [[Category:Women politicians]] [[Category:Ambassadors]] [[Category:Government ministers]] [[Category:Women from Botswana]] 301lx719ndb6n822hjcv8ou2awjz8fs 0 242458 3778935 3778355 2025-07-15T00:12:58Z 2600:1700:C361:A40:598C:AA99:C4B7:8F3B /* New Cat In Town / The Magic Of Spring */ 3778935 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Baby Looney Tunes|Baby Looney Tunes]]''''' is an American-Canadian animated television series|animated television series. depicting toddler versions of Looney Tunes characters. ==''Season 1''== ===''Taz in Toyland / A Secret Tweet''=== :'''Granny''': What in heaven's, Taz what are you crying about? :(Taz hold up the wheel from his toy car, Granny looks over and was surprised to see what was left of Taz's toy car) :'''Granny''': You didn't break another of your toys did you? :(Taz nods his head indicating that he did) :'''Granny''': Tasmanian Devil, how many times have I told you to take better care of your things, look at all the toys you've broken. :(Granny points to a pile of toys of which Taz has broken, Taz whimpers and cries once again feeling regret for his actions) :'''Granny''': Now, now, [[w:there's no use crying over spilt milk | there's no use crying over broken toys]], or something like that. :'''Daffy''': Hmmph. :(Taz sniffles then Granny holds a tissue to his nose, Taz takes a breath breath and gives a big blow, giving off a giant gust of wind causing Daffy's crown and cape to go flying) :'''Daffy''': Wow ([[w:Fourth wall | talking to the audience]]) for a little guy, he sure holds a lot of air. <hr width = "50%"/> :'''Bugs''': Hey Tazzie, You wanna play Smash-Up Derby with us? :'''Taz''': Uh-uh. :'''Bugs''': Oh come on, I think your little clown guy will fit right into my truck here. :'''Taz''': (gasp) No!, Taz no play! :'''Daffy''': Come on Taz, play with us. :'''Taz''': No! :'''Bugs''': What good if having a toy you can't play with? :(Taz runs to the end of a shelf where he is cornered by Bugs and Daffy) :'''Daffy''': C'mon Tazzie, you know you wanna play with that toy. :'''Bugs''': Yeah, Put him in the truck then we'll crash 'em together. :(Taz started to think, then he saw the top of the shelf and that's when he had and idea, he started spinning and began to climb the shelf) :'''Bugs''': Hey, what are you doing. :'''Daffy''': Get down from there! : (Taz soon made it to the top, but then suddenly [[w:King Kong | airplanes started to fly pass him]], causing Taz to growl with annoyance, It's then revealed that they were coming from a mobile on the roof of the playroom, two more fly pass Taz but as the third one passes, Taz knocks it while growling, the sudden knock causes the strings off the planes to get tangled and eventually stopped, Taz becomes stratified and puts his toy clown down, waves at it then looks down at Bugs and Daffy, who would've witness his previous endeavour, Taz then proceeds to climb down) :'''Taz''': Blaaah! (Blows a raspberry at them) :(Bugs and Daffy looked at each other confused) <hr width = "50%"/> :'''Granny''': Oh look at them all playing together, aren't they precious, (looks on at the babies playing) Oh Bugs, Lola, Daffy, Sylvester and Taz, could you come over here?, I've got something I want to tell you. :'''Bugs''': Okay Granny! :'''Sylvester''': Coming Granny! :'''Daffy''': But I just built my super-wondrous sand tasta castle. :'''Taz''': Taz like castle. :'''Daffy''': No touchy. <hr width = "50%"/> ===''Comfort Level / Like A Duck to Water''=== ===''School Daze / Things That Go Bugs In The Night''=== :(Scene opens at the Baby Looney Tunes' house, with Bugs and Lola looking out the window at something amazing) :'''Bugs''': Wow! :'''Lola''': Isn't it dreamy? :'''Bugs''': It's so yellow :'''Lola''': And big :(Turns out it was a school bus Bugs and Lola were looking at and some kids were boarding it) :'''Bugs''': Some kids have all the luck :(Then Bugs and Lola have and idea) :'''Bugs & Lola''': Are you thinking what I'm thinking? :(The two bunnies chuckle) :'''Bugs''': Let's go ask Granny if we can go to school :(The two race off to find Granny in the kitchen finishing a Gingerbread house) :'''Bugs & Lola''': Granny, Granny, Granny! :'''Granny''': Land sakes kids, What's all the excitement about? :'''Bugs''': We wanna go to school :'''Granny''': Oh, but you're too young :'''Bugs''': Too young?, we're already potty trained :'''Lola''': Bugs? (Lola looks at Bugs knowingly) :'''Bugs''': Ehh, well uh, almost (Bugs says embarrassed) :'''Lola''': I have an idea, if we're too young to go to real school, maybe we can play pretend school! :(Granny thinks about it, while Bugs and Lola tug on her dress) :'''Bugs & Lola''': Please Granny, Pleeeeease! :(Granny chuckles and pulls her dress away) :'''Granny''': I guess it'll be okay [Granny pulls her Gingerbread House from the counter] As soon as I finish icing my Gingerbread House, School is officially in session :(Bugs and Lola cheer and start spinning around Granny, causing her loose her balance and fall to the floor and her Gingerbread house falls on her head, Granny removes some of the house from her eyes while Bugs and Lola come up to her and Lola takes a little taste of what's left of the Gingerbread house) :'''Lola''': Isn't Granny sweet? :(All three laugh at the joke) <hr width = "50%"/> :(Meanwhile in the playroom, Sylvester and Tweety are playing with a ball, while Taz and Daffy are fighting over Harry Gary) :'''Taz''': Taz want Harry Gary! :'''Daffy''': It's mine I tell ya, Mine, Mine, all Mine [Daffy acts like he's saw something] Hey look, It's the tooth fairy :(Taz looks and Daffy snatches Harry Gary of him, Taz groans sadly and begins to cry until, Bugs and Lola come sliding in) :'''Bugs''': Uh hey you guys, guess what :'''Lola''': Granny said we can all play school :(Tweety and Sylvester all gasp excitedly) :'''Daffy''': Ah, who cares? :(Unintentionally dropping Harry Gray, Taz picks him up and give him a big kiss) :'''Daffy''': What's so great about school anyway? :'''Bugs''': Lot's of stuff, you get to learn new things, like how to drink from a water fountain [Bugs stands on his tip-toes and pretends to slurp from a water fountain, once he's done, he gives a big sigh and wipes his mouth] :'''Lola''': And make new friends and learn all their names :(Lola slightly pokes Sylvester and he gives a little giggle, Sylvester then runs to Daffy and pokes him as well, then he jumps underneath a pink pillow with only his tail showing, he then comes out with the pillow on top of his head) :'''Sylvester''': There's all kinds of games to play :'''Taz''' Lunch time! :(Taz takes a sip from a bottle and gives a big burp, while the wind from his burp unintentionally ruffles Daffy's feathers, Daffy looks at himself) :'''Daffy''': Yeesh (while un-ruffling his feathers) Lunch, Shmuch, I've got better things to do :(Daffy pulls up his diaper and starts too walk away) :'''Bugs''': Okay Daffy, But you're gonna miss out on the chance to get lots of attention :(Daffy freezes and looks back) :'''Daffy''': Alright rabbit, ya got me, I'll give ya 20 seconds, what are you talking about? :''''Bold text'''''Bugs''': I'm talkin' about show and tell Daffy :'''Lola''': It's that time in school when you get to talk in front of the whole class :'''Sylvester''': And everyone has to listen to you :'''Daffy''': Everyone? :(Daffy begins to day dream that he's on a stage talking in front of a crowd while wearing a purple graduation robe and cap) :'''Daffy''': It all started when I was just an egg, Not just any egg mind you but a little brown speckled one and that, my friends is what makes me so great :(The crowed cheers while flowers and graduation caps are being thrown at Daffy and Daffy gives a bow, the dream cloud puffs as Daffy wakes up and shakes his head, indicating he changed his mind about school) :'''Daffy''': I love school, now where do I sign up? :(mood quickly changes and everyone heard Tweety crying on the couch, everyone comes up to see what's wrong) :'''Bugs''': What's the matter Tweety? :'''Tweety''': I can't go to school with you guys :'''Sylvester''': Why not? :'''Tweety''': I'm not weady :'''Lola''': What do you mean? :'''Tweety''': well, for wone thing, I can't wead or wite, I can't even spell my own wittle name :(Tweety starts crying again and Taz starts cry as well, Daffy [annoyed] shakes his head and covers his ears) :'''Bugs''': It's alright, You don't have to know everything to go to school :'''Tweety''': Weally? :(Taz sniffles) :'''Taz''': Really? :'''Lola''': Yeah, That's why we go to school, so we can learn all those things :'''Bugs''': All we need is a little practice <hr width = "50%"/> :'''Bugs''': Now listen, I'm in charge and what I say goes and I say...! :(Before Bugs could finish there was a strange noise which causes Bugs to gasp and all the other babies to come out of their hiding spots) :'''Daffy''': Um...What was that? :(The noise comes again) :'''Lola''': I don't know, But I've never heard anything like it before :'''Sylvester''': And I never want to hear anything like it again! :(The noise comes again and scares the babies, the noise seems to be coming out side with the sun setting) :'''Bugs''': Ehh...It's nuttuin', Probably just a... Cute little forest creature. :(The noise sounds again) :'''Sylvester''': It doesn't sound so little to me. :'''Daffy''': And definootily not cute. :(The noise comes again) :'''Tweety''': D-D-Don't you think you should do something Bugs? :'''Lola''': Yeah, you're in charge :'''Bugs''': Me? Uh...yeah hee hee uh, no sweat, uh all's I gotta do it... :(The noise comes again but sounds even louder now) :'''Bugs''': Uh, close the window! :(Bugs does exactly that and rushes over to the window and closes it and let's the window shade down as well) :'''Bugs''': What ya can't hear, can't hurt ya. :(But the noise comes through again and the window shade clatters up, this makes the babies all frighted again) :'''Bugs''': What's the matter with you fella? Let's have some fun! :(Bugs puts the CD player on and it plays a upbeat version of the Baby Looney Tunes Theme song, Bugs dances along and the other babies soon join in, but as they were dancing, Bugs accidentally knocks the CD player off the table and it falls to the floor and the music switches off leaving the babies all sad again, They all didn't notice the sun setting behind them and causes their shadows to become bigger and as the shadows reach the wall, the noise comes back again) :'''Lola''': What is it? :'''Daffy''': Sounds like some sort of Boogie-Woogie Monster. :'''Sylvester''': A Five-headed Boogie-Woogie Monster! :(As the noise continues the shadows change into all sorts of scary shapes, first the shadow changes into a creature with sharp teeth and four arms) :'''Tweety''': Ooh, What huge haiwy teeth it has! :(It soon changes again, into a round shape with and scary stair, big teeth and horns on it's head) :'''Lola''': It's bigger than the giant from [[w:Jack and the Beanstalk | Jack and the Beanstalk!]] :(It changes again into a ghostly shape) :'''Daffy''': With a seriously bad attitude! :(The shadow soon turns into a monster and appears on the roof, Sylvester crouches down and covers his eyes in fear) :'''Sylvester''': T-T-Tell me when it's gone :(The sun soon sets behind the trees and the shadow vanishes) :'''Bugs''': It's gone! :(Sylvester cautiously uncovers one eye and looks up and sees that everything is Okay, he stands up) :'''Bugs''': See, Nuttin' to be afraid of. :'''Tweety''': Oh Gwacious! Taz is gone! :'''Lola''': But he was just here, wasn't he? :'''Bugs''': Taz?, Taz?, Taaaz! :'''Daffy''': Tazzie, Olly Olly, oxen free! <hr width = "50%"/> :(The babies search everywhere for Taz, Lola searches under a bed, Bugs looks in a laundry basket but finds nothing but a sock, Sylvester looks behind pictures and Tweety looks under a rug, the scene cuts to the kitchen where Daffy is looking for Taz in the pots and pans, The babies all regroup all given up searching for Taz when the strange noise comes again, The babies all look at the door and realise that Taz must have gone outside, The babies all open the door and one by one they all peak their heads outside, First Bugs, Then Tweety and Lola, then Sylvester and finally Daffy, they all find Taz's foot prints on the path and they seem to be heading to the forest) :'''Tweety''': Oh no, Taz? :'''Sylvester''': Do you think whatever's out there...(Gulps)...Is gonna get him? :'''Bugs''': Not if I can find him first! :'''Lola''': Go out there?, alone?, No way! :'''Daffy''': Granny put you in charge. :'''Bugs''': Ehh...Right, I-I'm suppose to take care of everybody. :(And with that, Bugs walks out the door and goes in search of Taz) :'''Daffy''': That is the bravest thing I ever saw, Say... if he doesn't come back, can I be the boss? :(Lola looks angrily at Daffy) :'''Daffy''': Heh. :(Little did the babies know, Granny was looking out the window as she saw everything, knowing that Bugs has gone looking for Taz, and so she continues painting what appears to be a red bird house) <hr width = "50%"/> :(Meanwhile, out in the woods, Bugs was still looking for Taz, but he was feeling a little scared, knowing that he's out alone in the woods at night, as an owl hoots in the distance, Bugs becomes even more afraid) :'''Bugs''': Taz?, That you old b-b-buddy?, heh heh, uh, come out of there Taz. :(A wolf howls in the distance) :'''Bugs''': T-T-Taaaazzie! :(At that moment, Bugs stops as he sees a trail of leaves on the path, still feeling scared, he tries to keep going, but it feels like something is following him with the leaves rustling until, there came the noise again and it was louder that before) :'''Bugs''': YIKE! :(This scared Bugs so much that he ran away screaming in fear, he soon reached a tree and thinking that the creature was following him, he went round and round in circles until he tripped on a rock which cause him to tumble down and eventually stopped, he then heard the leaves rustling again and was surprised Lola, Sylvester, Tweety and Daffy running around tree as well) :'''Bugs''': Hey, Hey, Hold it! What are you doin' out here? :'''Lola''': We decided we couldn't let you go alone. :'''Sylvester''': We couldn't let you face that beast by yourself. :'''Tweety''': We saw you chasing it. :'''Daffy''': And your bravery made us brave. :'''Bugs''': Ehh... hee, I wasn't chasin', I was uh runnin', I was runnin' scared. :(The noise comes again causing the babies to gasp with fright and Daffy to jump in Bug's arms) :'''Daffy''': So, let's run scared together! :'''Lola''': It sounds awful close :'''Bugs''':(The noise sounds) sounds like it's right over there! (unintentionally drops Daffy) :(Bugs makes his way to the bushes, moves the branches and gives a delightful smile) :'''Lola''': What is it Bugs? :'''Daffy''': What do ya see? :'''Bugs''': This is unbelievable, come here! :(The rest of the babies walk over to the bushes and were surprised to discover that the creature was non other than Taz and the noise seemed to come from his horn) :'''Tweety''': Taz? :'''Sylvester''': It was Taz all along. :(The babies race over to Taz who was still playing his horn, but when Bugs came over, Taz stops playing and hides his horn behind his back) :'''Bugs''': Ehh... What's the matter? :'''Taz''': Oh... Taz horn make Bugs mad, Taz don't want make Bugs mad... Oh ho :(Bugs realised that Taz was talking about when Taz and blowing his horn too loudly in front of Taz and Bugs snatched it off him) :'''Bugs''': I'm awful sorry about that Taz (Bugs walks up to Taz) You play anywhere you wanna, anytime you wanna, anyway you wanna. :'''Taz''': Huh, Bugs mean it? :'''Bugs''': Sure I do :(Taz then resumes playing his horn and this time, Bugs doesn't mind) ===''Creature From The Chocolate Chip / Card Bored Box''=== :'''Sylvester''': Bugs, Lola, Olly Olly Oxen free! :(The babies soon come out of their hiding spots and run over to Sylvester) :'''Tweety''': Were we hiding to well? :'''Sylvester''': You gotta help me, Something terrible's happened in the kitchen :'''Bugs''': What? :'''Sylvester''': There's this big jar see, and one minute it's full of cookies and then, it isn't. :'''Lola''': What happened to them? :'''Sylvester''': I ate 'em, WHAT AM I GONNA DO?! (Sylvester breaks down crying on Bug's knees) :'''Bugs''': Eh, there's only one thing to do and that's tell Granny the truth, come on. :(Before they could leave, Daffy blocks their way) :'''Daffy''': Ya can't do that! :'''Bugs''': Eh, Why not? :'''Daffy''': Granny worked her fingers to the bone baking those cookies, slaving all day at a hot stove, You know how much she loves you, If she found out you ate them, it'll break her heart. :'''Sylvester''': Oh no, what'll I do? :'''Daffy''': Blame somebody else. :'''Bugs''': What?!, like who? :'''Daffy''': Oh, one of the usual suspects, (Daffy walks pass Bugs and makes his way to Tweety), Nah, too innocent, (walks over to Lola) Too good, (walks over to Taz who has his tongue sticking out) Too obvious, (finally making his way to a mirror) Aha! him!(But soon realises it's his own reflection), oop, my mistake, too trustworthy. :(At that moment, Granny walks in with the empty jar) :'''Granny''': Oh my, does anyone know who ate all the cookies? :(Sylvester[still to ashamed to admit it] hides his head in a pink bucket) :'''Bugs''': Eh, as a master of fact-- :'''Daffy''': (interrupting) We do, it was ahhh, a beast yeah and oh, what a beast it was! :'''Granny''': My Stars, What was it like? :'''Daffy''': It was humongulous, A chocolate chip chomper, it smelled those chocolatey chips and chomped them. :'''Granny''': Oh, that sounds just terrible, did you see it Tweety? :'''Tweety''': Uh? :'''Daffy''': Poor guy, he's scared speechless :'''Granny''': Was it simply dreadful Lola dear? :'''Daffy''': Tell her about it's teeth :'''Lola''': Teeth?...Um...Teeth! :'''Daffy''': Bigger than [[w:Big Bad Wolf | the Big Bad Wolf's.]] :'''Granny''': You mean, every time I bake cookies that beast will eat them? :'''Daffy''': Oh you betcha Granny. :'''Granny''': Then I'll bake a batch right away so I can see this beast myself :(Granny walks out of the playroom and Sylvester takes the bucket off) :'''Bugs''': Nice move Daff, We shoulda told the truth when we had the chance. :'''Sylvester''': What are we gonna do now? :'''Daffy''': Granny wants to see a monster, Granny's gonna see a monster. <hr width = "50%"/> :(After eating a lot of cookies, the babies now felt very sick) :'''Taz''': Taz not feel good. :'''Lola''': (sighs) I never want to see another cookie :(Daffy turns back knowing that they'll have to do it again, but this time Bugs has an idea) :'''Bugs''': Hold it, the only way to keep this beast from beating us is for us to beat it. <hr width = "50%"/> :'''Tweety''': Oh Gwanny, come see, huwwy! :(Tweety runs and joins the others) :'''Bugs''': Everybody ready? :(Granny comes in holding a jar full of recently bakes cookies, she looks around and suddenly sees the "beast" that's been eating all her cookies growling and roaring at her) :'''Granny''': Gracious sakes, there it is! :'''Bugs''': Eh, Never fear Granny, I'll take care of it. :(The "beast" still roaring makes it's way to Bugs and Granny, but Bugs is ready to fight it) :'''Bugs''': Take that and this and that too!, back you beast back! :'''Granny''': My goodness Bugs, how brave. :'''Bugs''': Back, back! (then, unintentionally destroyed it's face) Eh, would you look at that, hee hee, I'm uh, tearing him to pieces. :(The face comes off to reveal Daffy as he [[w:Fourth wall | looks at the audience]]) :'''Daffy''': Uh-Oh :(And with that, the monster falls apart reviling the other babies) :'''Bugs''': Um, Granny, There's something we gotta tell ya :'''Daffy''': (trying to make an excuse) It ate us, yeah! that's right, we were trapped in it's tummy, but we uh-- we uh-- Oh :'''Bugs''': Granny, there never was a Chocolate Chip Chomper. <hr width = "50%"/> :'''Bugs''': Daffy...eh, Daffy? :'''Daffy''': I didn't do it!, The diaper was dirty was dirty when I got there! :'''Lola''': Calm down Daffy, you were just dreaming. :'''Daffy''': Oh, oh yeah, I was dreaming that the rain stopped and the sun came out and we all went outside to play. :'''Tweety''': We could pway a game inside. :'''Bugs''': But we've already played with every toy in the nursery. :'''Lola''': Twice. :'''Tweety''': How many times is that? :'''Daffy, Bugs and Lola''': Too many! :'''Bugs''': If only something fun would happen, then we wouldn't be so bored. <hr width = "50%"/> :'''Bugs''': Well now that we have it, what do we do with it? :'''Tweety''': Well, Gwanny told us to use our imagination, so I'm going to imagine that it's the most beautiful house in the world. :'''Lola''': (laughs) That's the silliest idea I've ever heard, it's not a house, it's a pirate ship. :'''Daffy''': Lola's right. :'''Bugs''': About the pirate ship? :'''Daffy''': No, about Tweety's idea being silly, anyone can see that it's the world's fastest racing car. :'''Bugs''': Now why would they see that?, it's really a rocket ship to Mars, you can tell by looking at it. :(The babies soon argue about what the box could be until--) :'''Bugs''': '''WAIT!''' There's only one way to find out what this thing really is. :'''Daffy''': I'm glad you see things my way. :'''Bugs''': No Daffy, I mean let's play house, then pirates, then racing car and then Rocket ship. :'''Lola''': I get it and which ever is the most fun, wins. :'''Bugs''': Right. <hr width = "50%"/> :'''Bugs''': Bugs to Earth, Bugs to Earth, come in Earth, I'm ready to land on Mars, Hmm, I wonder if there's any life here on Mars, I said, I wonder if there is any life here on Mars!, C'mon you guys, you're not even trying to have fan! :'''Lola''': Some fun, I had a much better time playing the pirate ship. :'''Daffy''': Well I still say the racing car was the best. :'''Tweety''': And I wiked pwaying house. :(The babies soon start to argue again) :'''Lola''': Give it to me! :'''Daffy''': It's mine! :'''Tweety''': I saw it first! :'''Bugs''': Well I saw it third! :(The babies stop briefly while Bugs gives an embarrassed smile, then the tugging resumes until the babies slip and the box goes flying and then crashes) :'''Tweety''': Hey look! :(It is revealed that the box has merged into a house, a pirate ship, a racing car and rocket ship all in one) :'''The Babies''': Ooooh!, Ahhhhh! :'''Lola''': What is it? :'''Tweety''': I'm not sure, but I think it a wacing piwate house wocket. :'''Daffy''': But there's no such thing. :'''Tweety''': There is if you use your imagination. ===''Time And Time Again / May The Best Taz Win''=== :(Scene opens at the Baby Looney Tunes house at night, in the bedroom, Bug's, Lola's and Daffy's beds are empty, this was because the babies are all playing, Bugs was playing with his toy rocket, Daffy was playing with a toy piano and Lola was playing with her doll Edna) :'''Bugs''' Bugs Bunny to pilot, Bugs Bunny to pilot, do you read me? :(Daffy playing his piano as the keys tinkle slow then fast) :'''Lola''': Mmm, I love you too Baby Pumpkin Pants. :(Lola hugs her doll and it start to cry, surprising Lola at that moment Granny walks in) :'''Granny''': Land-sakes what are you kids doing up so late? Do you have any idea what time it is? :'''Bugs, Daffy and Lola''': No. :'''Granny''', Well, it's three o'clock in the morning, which is way past your bedtime, (Granny walks over to the curtains and closes them) First thing tomorrow, I'm going to teach you kids how to tell time. :'''Lola''': What's so important about telling time? :'''Granny''': Well, telling time comes in handy lots of ways, think of all the fun things you'd miss if you didn't known when to be there. :'''Daffy''': Well if it's okay with you Granny, I'm gonna skip it, telling time is for people who...who has nothing but time on their hands. :'''Bugs and Lola''': We don't have time on our hands. :'''Granny''': That's just an old saying kids, you can skip the lesson if you want Daffy, But don't forget there's another old saying about time (Granny puts Daffy to bed and makes her way to the door) it waits for no one, nighty-night kids, pleasant dreams. :(Granny turns off the lights and leaves, while Daffy [[w:The Fourth Wall|addresses the audience (I think)]]) :'''Daffy''': (sighs) Ha, who does she think she's kidding? "Time waits for no one", that's the silliest thing I've ever (yawn) heard, ooh (And Daffy falls asleep) <hr width = "50%"/> :(In the backyard, Daffy is playing golf and Bugs and Lola come up right behind him) :'''Lola''': You missed a really fun lesson Daffy. :'''Bugs''': Eh, yeah, Granny taught us all sorts of stuff about how to tell time. :'''Daffy''': Well it just so happens that I learned something about time too. :'''Bugs''': Ya did, what? :'''Daffy''': You're wasting mine, playtime is the best time of all and can't you see that I am right in the middle of it? :'''Lola''': C'mon Bugs, It's obvious that Daffy doesn't have time to talk to us. :(Daffy prepares to shoot his golf ball until-) :'''Bugs''': Oh uh, one last thing Daffy, Granny's taking us on a picnic. :'''Lola''': At 12 o'clock, That's when the big hand and the little hand are both pointing straight up. :(Bugs tickles Lola underneath her arm pits, because Lola had lifted both her arms up) :'''Bugs''': You're supposed to meet us by the front door in one hour. :'''Daffy''': Alright, alright, already, I'll be there. :'''Lola''': But how are you gonna know when an hour's up? you didn't come to Granny's lesson. :'''Daffy''': That's easy, every hour, Granny's big [[w:Grandfather clock|Grandfather clock]] makes a big loud noise (meanwhile, said grandfather clock Daffy was talking about struck 11 o'clock) Now step aside please, can't you see I'm working on my swing? :(Knowing they couldn't win the argument, Bugs and Lola leave, as soon as they left, Daffy shoots the golf ball through the sky, hitting a branch of a tree, bouncing off a rock, flying over the roof of the house, rolling across the roof of the bandstand, going through a window and end's up in between the two hours of the grandfather clock, stopping the time) :'''Daffy''': Another one out of sight, I loose more golf balls that way, oh well. :(And with that, Daffy puts his golf club back into his golf bag and rides away on his tricycle) <hr width = "50%"/> :'''Daffy''': Alright Duck, get a hold of yourself, telling time isn't everything, I mean there's other thing just as important that I'm really good at, yeah, like riding my tricycle or washing my own clothes (notices the bubble coming out the bottom of the door) Hmm? that's odd (bubble pops in Daffy's eye, but he wipes it away, but just before he could open the door, A massive flood of bubbles bursts out, the water comes out of every window of the house and the chimney and it comes out the door as well with Daffy riding it) '''AH, HELP GRANNY, HELP HELP!''', (scene changes to Daffy's head in the middle of a blue and purple swirl while images of Daffy and the clock go around him) '''AAH, HELP, HELP!''', '''HELP! HELP! HELP!''', HELP whoo hoo (Suddenly an alarm clock appears in the middle, it is then revealed that it was all a dream and the alarm clock was waking Daffy up) Help Granny help! whoo hoo, Huh?, Wow!, what a dream, Granny was right, telling time really is important, I hope I'm not too late. (Daffy jumps out of bed, races out of the room and makes to the stairs, He rides down the banister and skids over to the hallway, he races down the corridor, makes it into the room where the lesson was taking place and and sits down next to Bugs and Lola) Did I miss anything? :'''Bugs''': No Daffy, not a thing. :'''Lola''': You're right on time. :(Lola laughs as Daffy [[w:The Fourth Wall|looks to the audience in unamusement]] as the episode ends) <hr width = "50%"/> ===''Mine! / Sylvester The Pester''=== ===''Cat-Taz-Trophy / Duck! Monster! Duck!''=== ===''The Brave Little Tweety / The Puddle Olympics''=== :'''Lola''': The Playroom theatre is proud to present :(Lola draws back the curtains) :'''Lola''': The Brave Little Tweety, Starring...Tweety! :(Granny [who's being the audience] claps with delight) :'''Bugs''': Once ...Ahem... Upon a Time, in the little town of Looneyville, All the villagers woke up to find a strange box. :(Sylvester, Lola and Daffy all wake up and looked at the box) :'''Bugs''': Nobody knew what it was or where it came from or even what was in it. :(They were still observing it and Daffy knocked on the lid of the box and inside came a large growl which scared them all) :'''Bugs''': It was a monster! :'''Lola''': Help! :'''Sylvester''': Save us! :'''Daffy''': What he said! :'''Bugs''': Tweety, that's your cue :(Tweety walks onto the stage, but gets immediate stage fright) :'''Bugs''': "Have no fear, Brave Little Tweety is here". :'''Tweety''': Have no fear! (Tweety stops and strains as he's trying to find the right words) Bwave Wittle Tweety is here! :(Taz sticks his arm out and turns the crank and then he jumps out like a [[w:Jack-in-the-box | Jack in the box]] and scares everyone, everyone screams and Lola runs away, Daffy tries to run but his pants accidentally falls down, he quickly pulls them back up and he and Sylvester run away in fear) :'''Bugs''': The villagers of Looneyville were scared, right out of their pants, But...The Brave Little Tweety saved them from the monster :(Taz roars at Tweety and so he runs away as well only to be stopped by Bugs) :'''Bugs''': Go on Tweety, Save 'em. :(Taz still roaring tries to scare Tweety again, but this time, Tweety jumps on the box and pushes Taz back inside and sits on the lid, Lola, Sylvester and Daffy all run back and praise Tweety for his bravery) :'''Bugs''': And that's how the Brave Little Tweety saved the day [[w:Porky Pig | And that's all folks]] <hr width = "50%"/> :(Daffy, Lola and Sylvester all looking at the rain outside, at that moment a rain drop collects on the windowsill and Lola draws a circle around it) :'''Lola''': This one's mine :(Another collects on Sylvester's side and so he draws a circle around it) :'''Sylvester''': And this one's mine :'''Lola''': And they're off, Sylvester's Window Runner is moving quickly down the glass followed by Lola's Wet Head. Around the Curve it's Window Runner by a dribble. Into the stretch, Window Runner leads by a trickle. Headin' for home, it's Lola's Wet Head coming up on the outside. It's Sylvester's Window Runner, Lola's Wet Head, Window Runner, Wet Head and at the windowsill, Lola's Wet Head wins by a drip! :'''Sylvester''': No fair, your raindrop cheated. :'''Lola''': Raindrops can't cheat. :'''Sylvester''': Oh yes they can! :'''Lola''': No they can't! :'''Sylvester''': Hmm, Daffy, can raindrops cheat? :'''Lola''': Sylvester says they can and I say No Way! :'''Daffy''': Okay, I'd just like to say that I think you both have spent a little too much time inside. :'''Lola''': Ya' know, I think he's right. :'''Sylvester''': Yeah :(Lola and Sylvester just shrug their shoulders and leave) :'''Daffy''': [[w:Rain Rain Go Away | Rain Rain go away, come again another day.]] :(Daffy turns away looking sad, then suddenly the sun comes out and the rain stops) :'''Daffy''': Huh? :(Daffy looks outside looking very surprised) :'''Daffy''': Did I do that? :(He turns to the other babies) :'''Daffy''': Hey Everybody, It stopped raining! Let's go outside and Play! :(The babies like the sound of that and so they all race outside to play) ===''A Lot Like Lola / Mother's Day Madness''=== :'''Daffy''': ''[infuriated]'' That does it, Taz! ''You'' can't build this up anymore! :''[Taz's eyes start tearing up as he's about to cry over Daffy hurting his feelings]'' :'''Bugs''': Uh-oh. :'''Tweety''': Granny? ===''Takers Keepers / To Tell The Tooth''=== ===''Spinout / Snow Day''=== :''[Taz lost his ability to spin and starts bawling into tears]'' :'''Bugs''': ''[consoling him]'' What's up, little doc? :'''Taz''': ''[crying]'' TAZ NOT SPIN! ===''Shadow Of A Doubt / Christmas In July''=== :'''Daffy''': [running covered in pink paint] I need to see the doctor I need to see a doctor i got chickenpox ===''Bruce Bunny / Leader Of The Pack''=== ===''Flower Power / Lightning Bugs Sylvester''=== ===''Flush Hour / I Strain''=== ===''The Sandman Is Coming / Some Assembly Required''=== ===''All Washed Up / Did Not! Did Too!''=== :'''Sylvester''': Hey, everybody! :'''Lola''': What is it, Sylvester? :'''Sylvester''': You know how Granny said no playing until we're all washed up? Well, Taz won't take his bath. :'''Daffy''': Hold on there, whiskers. You mean, nobody gets playtime until ''everbody's'' squeaky clean? :'''Melissa''': I guess that's always been the rule. :'''Bugs''': Welp, sounds like there's only one thing we can do. We've got to get Taz into the bathtub. :'''Lola''': But, how, Bugs? :'''Bugs''': Well, uh, first thing's first, has anyone seen my diaper? <hr width="50%"> :'''Bugs''': Come on, Taz, your turn for a bath. :'''Taz''': No bath! :'''Lola''': You gotta take a bath, Taz. Granny says so, or nobody gets playtime. :'''Taz''': Uh-uh! No wanna! :'''Daffy''': Step aside, I'll handle this. Now, look here, fur ball. You ''don't'' have to take a bath. :'''Taz''': I don't? :'''Daffy''': No, you could take a shower! Anything with soap and water involved! Please! I'm begging ya! :'''Taz''': NO BATH! <hr width="50%"> :'''Bugs''': Now, look what you did! :'''Lola''': What who did?! :'''Bugs''': You! :'''Lola''': ''Me?!'' The least you could do, is say you're sorry! :'''Bugs''': ''You're'' the one who ought to be sorry! :'''Lola''': If ''that's'' how you're gonna be, I'm taking my blocks back! :'''Bugs''': That's how I'm gonna be, because that's how…''you're'' being! :'''Daffy''': Well, isn't this a nice bucket of peach pits? There they go, taking our fun with them. :'''Sylvester''': Now, what are we gonna do? :'''Tweety''': Maybe there's a way to put this ''whole'' thing back together. :'''Daffy''': And ''how'' are you gonna do that? :'''Tweety''': Hmm… Bugs and Lola love playing hopscotch, right? So, here's what we're gonna do. ===''Tea And Basketball / Taz You Like It''=== ===''Band Together / War Of The Weirds''=== ===''The Harder They Fall / Business As Unusual''=== ===''Mr. McStuffles / Picture This!''=== ===''Hair Cut-Ups / A Clean Sweep''=== ===''Daffy Did It! / The Pig Who Cried Wolf''=== :''[While playing a game of soccer, Tweety uses a baseball bat to whack the soccer ball away from the goal and accidentally hits Granny, making her launch the laundry into the air and fall on the ground, and blames it on Daffy]'' :'''Granny''': Oh, my stars! Now everything will have to be washed again. Okay, now. Who is responsible for this? :'''Tweety''': I… I, I… :'''Granny''': Yes, Tweety? :'''Tweety''': ''[twitching his left eye, then points to Daffy]'' Daffy did it! :'''Daffy''': ''[cringes in shock]'' Huh?! Who?! What?! :'''Granny''': Is this true, Daffy? :'''Daffy''': No way! I'm innocent! :'''Tweety''': Daffy did it! :'''Daffy''': Stop saying that! :'''Granny''': Did anyone see how this happened? :'''Bugs''': Nope. I didn't see anything. :'''Sylvester''': Me neither. :'''Taz''': Me see space shuttle! :'''Tweety''': Daffy did it! :'''Daffy''': What are you talking about?! I didn't kick the ball! Okay, I did kick the ball, but I didn't! ===''New Cat In Town / The Magic Of Spring''=== :'''Sylvester''': ''[sighs]'' Kisses and cookies. What more could the world's cutest pussycat want? ''[he and the other baby Tunes see a baby skunk showing up]'' What is that? :'''Granny''': A new friend who's come to play. This is Baby Pepe. :''[The other babies, except Sylvester and Daffy, rush towards Baby Pepe, greeting him]'' :'''Bugs''': Hi, kid. I'm Bugs. This is Taz. :'''Taz''': ''[offering Baby Pepe a cookie]'' Mmm. Yum-yum, eat cookie. :'''Lola''': ''[rubbing Baby Pepe's cheek]'' Isn't he the cutest? :'''Tweety''': Very, very cute, indeed. ''[gives Baby Pepe a hug]'' :'''Lola''': Come meet Sylvester. Yeah, you're gonna be friends. ''[sets Baby Pepe in the baby carriage with Sylvester]'' :'''Sylvester''': ''[takes the cookie before Baby Pepe tries to take it]'' Hold on, brother. That's mine! ''[Baby Pepe climbs on his face to get the cookie]'' Watch the face! Watch the face! <hr width=50%> :'''Sylvester''': Hey, wait! That's-that's-- :'''Daffy''': ''[through hand puppet]'' That's ''your'' place? That's supposed to be you? :'''Sylvester''': No, I was just… I was-- :'''Daffy''': That's right. You were, as in, ''used'' to be the cutest cat in town. Not anymore. ''He'' is. I know what you feel like. I used to be the cute one too. ''[sighs]'' Face it, pal. When you get grown up like us, they just don't love you anymore. :'''Sylvester''': ''[determined]'' I'm not growing up that easy. <hr width=50%> :'''Granny''': ''[consoling Bugs as he sulks over his magic show failure]'' Bugs? Is that the end of the magic show, dear? :'''Bugs''': Granny, I don't even think there is such a thing as magic. Not anymore. :'''Granny''': Of course there is, Bugs. There's magic everywhere. And with a little more practice, I'll bet you could be the best little magician there ever was. <hr width=50%> :'''Bugs''': Now that's what I call, magic. Turning a plain old backyard into a big symphony orchestra. ===''Who Said That? / Let Them Make Cake''=== :'''Daffy''': ''[throwing a tantrum]'' You little… ''[squeaking]'' ! You're nothin' but a… ''[squeaking]'' ! I never wanna play this… ''[squeaking]'' game, EVER AGAIN! :''[The other baby Tunes are shocked at Daffy saying a bad word he heard from the garbage man]'' :'''Lola''': What did you just say? :'''Daffy''': I don't what the… ''[squeaking]'' you're talking about. :'''Lola''': ''That'' word! What does it mean? :'''Daffy''': I don't know. It's a new word I just learned. You should try it. :''[Granny enters the play room]'' :'''Baby Tunes''': Hi, Granny! How the… ''[squeaking]'' are you? :'''Granny''': ''[surprised with shock]'' Oh! My goodness, little ones, where did you hear a word like that? ''[The babies all point to Daffy; offended]'' Daffy, I'm surprised at you using such words. :'''Daffy''': What the… ''[squeaking]'' is wrong with using a word like… ''[squeaking]''? ===''For Whom The Toll Calls / Cereal Boxing''=== ===''Mind Your Manners / Petunia The Piggy Bank''=== ===''A Pastime For Petunia / Pouting Match''=== ===''Wise Quacker / Yours, Mine...And Mine, Mine, Mine!''=== ===''Loose Change / Act Your Age''=== :''[Daffy is sitting at the table with a cereal box of Wheat Doodles]'' :'''Sylvester''': ''[takes a seat at the table]'' Whatcha eating? :'''Daffy''': I'm not eating anything. :'''Sylvester''': What's that stuff in your bowl? :'''Daffy''': It's some kind of new cereal that Granny bought. :'''Sylvester''': A new cereal? Is this some kind of joke? :'''Daffy''': If it's a joke, I'm not laughing. <hr width=50%> :'''Sylvester''': I'll swing on my swing like I always do. ''[falls on his back as the swing breaks]'' That never happened before. ''[starts bawling into tears]'' :'''Tweety''': Did you hurt yourself, Sylvester? :'''Sylvester''': ''[sniffling]'' No. I'm not hurt. :'''Tweety''': Then why the weepy eyes? :'''Sylvester''': Because my swing is broken. :'''Tweety''': But look, there's another swing right here next to you. :'''Sylvester''': But, ''this'' is the swing I always use, and now it's broken. ''[gets up and runs into the house]'' :'''Tweety''': Well, never look a gift swing in the mouth… or something like that. ===''Who's Your Granny? / The Tattletale''=== :'''Granny''': ''[hearing Taz bawling]'' Heavens what's all the rackus? :'''Lola''': Sylvester stole Taz's sandwich piece when Taz wasn't. ===''The Yolk's On You / Baby-Gate''=== ===''Never Say Try / Pair O' Dice Lost''=== Sylvester: That's It I'll never wanna build fly or see another kite Again [Sylvester sits on his bed] Stupid Kite I'll never do that again Stupid Stupid kite ===''Melissa The Hero / The Trouble With Larry''=== ===''The Littlest Tweety / In Bugs We Trust''=== ===''Cool For Cats / Time Out!''=== ===''Present Tense / The Neat And The Sloppy''=== ===''Tell-A-Photo / Move It!''=== ==''Season 2''== ===''These Little Piggies Went To The Market / Now Museum, Now You Don't''=== ===''Take Us Out To The Ballgame / Clues Encounters Of The Tweety Kind''=== ===''A Bully For Bugs / The Wheel Deal''=== :'''Elmer Fudd''': Okay wabbit I saw you get more, gimme all your candy! :'''Bugs''': But I only have an icky marshmallow bunny. :'''Elmer Fudd''': Mm-hmm :'''Bugs''': He has a chocolate duck, that's much better. :'''Elmer Fudd''': Okay then gimme the chocolate duck and no one get hurt! :'''Daffy''': Oh no kid, this chocolate duck is bitter, you don't want this, you should eat the marshmallow rabbit. :'''Bugs''': No doc, eat the chocolate duck. :'''Daffy''': Eat the rabbit. :'''Bugs''': Eat the duck. :'''Daffy''': Eat the rabbit! :'''Bugs''': Duck :'''Daffy''': Rabbit! :'''Bugs''': Duck :'''Daffy''': Rabbit! :'''Bugs''': Rabbit :'''Daffy''': Duck! :'''Bugs''': I say he should eat the rabbit :'''Daffy''': And I insist you eat the duck, here! :(Daffy shoves the chocolate duck into Elmer's mouth to his delight, but then Daffy come to the realisation that he just gave his own chocolate duck away) :'''Daffy''': Hmm, I better remember that [[w:Rabbit Fire|Just in case he ever tries that again someday]]. :'''Bugs''': Well, see you around doc. :'''Elmer Fudd''': Hold it right there wabbit! :(Elmer then proceeds to snatch the marshmallow rabbit from Bugs and eats it, much to the disappointed of Bugs) <hr width = "50%"/> :'''Daffy''': Tell them what happened! :'''Bugs''': Nothin' happened. Just forget it. ===''Oh Brother, Warehouse Art Thou? / Flu the Coop''=== :'''Lola''': Submitted for your approval, Sylvester a young cat. :'''Tweety''': Floyd! Lola's being an old TV rerun again! ''[Lola pushes him down]'' Hey! :'''Lola''': A young cat claws deep in the comfy fabric of a preschool routine, but this little kitty is about to go to market where he will discover, the only routine he can expect is, the unexpected. :'''Floyd''': C'mon, Sylvester, let go! :'''Sylvester''': No! No! I like this chair! :'''Floyd''': We're gonna get a new one! ''[pulls until Sylvester comes off the chair with the pieces of the chair fabric dug into his claws]'' :'''Lola''': Follow this journey under "Buckle up and Roll with it", for this creature of habit is about to leave, his comfort zone. ===''Blast Off Bugs / Baby Brouhaha''=== :(Scene opens at the Baby Looney Tunes house at dusk, The babies are all cheering for Bugs as he's "going" to the moon) :'''Bugs''': I'm flying the Super-Duper Moon Zoomer first, 'cause I've got the helmet :(Bugs puts a red bowl on his head) :'''Bugs''': I'm going right to the moon! :(Bugs leaves but then quickly comes back) :'''Bugs''': Then you guys can have a turn :(Bugs gives a salute) :'''Sylvester''': Granny, Granny come quick, Bugs is getting ready to go! :(Tweety races over to Bugs and hugs him) :'''Tweety''': Bugs :(Tweety hugs him tightly to wish him luck) :'''Tweety''': Come back save and sound and soon :(The rest of the babies climb onto chairs to help Bugs blast off) :'''Granny''': Have a wonderful trip Bugs dear :(Bugs climbing into his self made rocket) :'''Bugs''': Don't worry, I got a strong heart and a steady hand, I could fly this thing :(door closes and Bugs falls in) :'''Bugs''': With my eyes shut :(Bugs peaks through the window) :'''Bugs''': Begin the counting down! :(The babies count down and jump on the teeter-totter, but the rocket crashes down on the ground, Daffy and Sylvester race over to pull Bugs out of the wreckage, Bugs is okay but a little dazed, thinking that the back yard is the moon) :'''Bugs''': Wow, looks a lot like Earth :'''Sylvester''': It is Earth Bugs :'''Daffy''': Your blast-off was a bust-up :(Bugs looks at the remains of his rocket) :'''Bugs''': Oh, I'll never get to the moon the way I'm going :(Granny walks over to the babies and talk sympathetically to Bugs) :'''Granny''': Well perhaps you'll get there tomorrow dear, It's getting late now :(All the babies and Bugs all follow Granny into the house so they could all go to bed) <hr width = "50%"/> :'''Floyd''': Okay, Everyone stay together now, you won't believe the amazing bug display they have here :'''Lola''': We gotta see the inventions! :'''Sylvester''': Yeah, let's go their first! :'''Tweety''': Hoo Hoo, ooh, Yes! :'''Daffy''': No, No, No, No, We're going to see the explorers first :'''Taz''': Ooh, 'plorers, 'plorers, Yeah, Yeah! :'''Bugs''': First, First of all, I wanna see the rocket ships :'''Floyd''': Alright, we'll see everything if we stay organized, now, let's start with that insect exhibit :(The babies all take at once and then they split up and go in different directions) :'''Floyd''': Oh hey, their gone! :'''Old security guard''': Here we go again (as if he knows what the babies were up to the last time they visited the museum) <hr width = "50%"/> :''[Lola finds a book about babies.]'' :'''Tweety''': What does it say, Lola? :'''Lola''': Well, I can't read the words, but the pictures tell all about what babies are like. It says that babies eat, drink, sleep, play, crawl, smile, laugh, cry... ''[starts to become uneasy, as do the other babies]'' scream... wail, kick, screech... burp... barf up dinner... pass lots of gas... tears come out of their eyes... drool comes out of their mouth... stuff comes out of their nose... ''[Daffy gags]'' And everyday, they fill their diapers with... :''[Bugs gasps. Lola gasps and shuts the book, completely disgusted and mortified.]'' :'''Lola''': EWWWWWWW! :'''All''': EWWWWWWW! ===''Log Cabin Fever / A Mid-Autumn Night's Scream''=== ===''Are We There, Yet? / Save Our Cinnamon''=== ===''Lights! Camera! Tweety! / Backstage Bugs''=== ===''Bend It Like Petunia / Cock-a-Doodle-Doo-It!''=== ===''Wrong! / Win, Lose Or Daffy''=== ===''A Turtle Named Myrtle / There's Nothing Like A Good Book''=== ===''The Dolly Vanishes / Duck's Reflucks''=== ===''Stop and Smell Up The Flowers / Firehouse Frolics''=== ==External links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:2000s American animated TV shows]] [[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]] [[Category:American animated TV spin-offs]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]] [[Category:Television series on DVD]] [[Category:Cartoon Network shows]] [[Category:Kids' WB shows]] [[Category:Cancelled shows]] [[Category:Animated TV shows about children]] [[Category:Television series by Warner Bros. Animation]] h1mrst0nhy0omiu8q6z50br070riu4e 0 242575 3778841 3396869 2025-07-14T20:12:03Z Uncle Bash007 3112211 3778841 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Ruth Chinamano|Ruth Lottie Nomondo Chinamano]]''' (16 February 1925 in [[w:Cape Town|Cape Town]], [[South Africa]] &ndash; 2 January 2005) was a [[w:ZANU-PF|ZANU-PF]] politician and wife of [[w:Josiah Mushore Chinamano|Josiah Mushore Chinamano]]. She was a Xhosa woman born in Cape Town and also a Zimbabwean national liberation war heroine. She was a Zanu-PF Central Committee member and a widow of the late veteran nationalist Cde Josiah Chinamano {{political-stub}} {{women-stub}} ==Quotes== * The ANC could not bear having me not doing anything at home ...and they elected me Chairwoman for the Mashonaland South Province. ** [https://www.colonialrelic.com/biographies/ruth-chinamano] ==Quotes about her== * She was a dedicated, unwavering and selfless party cadre who was committed to the liberation of Zimbabwe and its development. ** [https://www.pindula.co.zw/Ruth_Chinamano] ==External Links== {{Wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Chinamano, Ruth}} [[Category:Politicians from Zimbabwe]] [[Category:Women politicians]] [[Category:1944 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Xhosa people]] la6fn4zy71eu7x8htv6ln727n5gikji 0 242618 3778503 3284970 2025-07-14T12:28:41Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Architects]]; added [[Category:Architects from Kenya]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778503 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Emma Miloyo | Emma Miloyo]]''' (born in 1981) is a [[Kenya|Kenyan]] [[w:architect|architect]] who serves as the first woman [[President]] of the [[w:Architectural Association of Kenya|Architectural Association of Kenya]] since 2017. == Quotes == === "Emma Miloyo on Changing the World One Action at a Time" (2018) === <small>As quoted in the article [https://www.qazini.com/interview/emma-miloyo-on-changing-the-world-one-action-at-a-time/ "Emma Miloyo on Changing the World One Action at a Time"] by Damaris Agweyu; published by Qazini on October 23, 2018</small> * "I believe everybody needs to be given the chance to sit at the table and be a part of the conversation because in such cases, we all gain- men and women alike." * "I find that most of the time if you’re passionate about what you’re doing and are doing it well, things are not difficult." * "If you see children walking alone in the streets then it means the planners have thought about the most vulnerable people in that society." * I’ve always been a creative person and my dream of getting into the industry took off in Kenya high school. == External links== {{wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Miloyo, Emma}} [[Category:Architects from Kenya]] [[Category:Women from Kenya]] [[Category:1981 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Businesswomen]] rntpp7tei649vzqgxoercyx7oqhs62l 0 243146 3778515 3457998 2025-07-14T12:33:09Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Architects]]; added [[Category:Architects from Nigeria]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778515 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Olajumoke Adenowo.jpg|thumb|Olajumoke Adenowo in 2015]] '''[[w:Olajumoke Adenowo|Olajumoke Olufunmilola Adenowo]]''' (born 16 October, 1968) is a Nigerian architect. She started her own architecture and interior design firm AD Consulting in 1994. ==Quotes== *Be discreet, remember your best friend may have a best friend who is not your own best friend. **[https://allure.vanguardngr.com/2019/01/allurewomanquoteoftheday-discreet-remember-your-best-friend-may-have-a-best-friend-who-is-not-your-own-best-friend-olajumoke-adenowo/] Olajumoke Adenowo Speaking on:DISCREET. *Discretion is necessary in leaders. I practise a simple principle if I have not been instructed specifically by someone to tell another person specifically mentioned by name the information they just divulged to me, I automatically assume I am not to tell any living being. Have you ever been betrayed by someone you trusted and confided in? **[https://allure.vanguardngr.com/2019/01/allurewomanquoteoftheday-discreet-remember-your-best-friend-may-have-a-best-friend-who-is-not-your-own-best-friend-olajumoke-adenowo/] Olajumoke Adenowo Speaking on:DISCREET. *African entrepreneurs must be the alternative government and take up the task of human capacity development....We must see our staff, not just as resources for the business, but as human beings whose potentials we are to discover, develop, and deploy. ** [https://www.lionessesofafrica.com/blog/2016/7/12/quote-of-the-day-by-olajumoke-adenowo] Olajumoke Adenowo speaks on African entrepreneurs. *God is not a waster of talents or resources. It would be a waste for God to say to me, do not practice architecture after the years I’ve spent honing and perfecting my craft. ** [https://encomium.ng/multiple-award-winning-architect-olajumoke-adenowo-discusses-feminism-living-a-life-of-impact-and-biggest-life-lessons-withchude/] Olajumoke spoke extensively on her love for architecture *I really don’t think in terms of challenges. Whatever I went through then exercised and developed my faith. **[https://punchng.com/affirmative-action-should-be-taken-to-ensure-women-in-architecture-thrive-adenowo/]On her Challenges as a young student *The size of a project or the budget is not what challenges me. The subject matter intrigues me. The real challenge is delivering world class buildings and spaces in our environment. **[https://punchng.com/affirmative-action-should-be-taken-to-ensure-women-in-architecture-thrive-adenowo/]On her biggest and most challenging work so far *I get annoyed when I see purposeless living, weak leadership and when people lie. Although I am mature enough to overlook blatant liars, it is just too irritant to me. I can’t also stand weak leadership as it results in inequity and injustice at the family and national levels. It agitates me to see things being done without purpose, that is, when people do things without asking the right questions. **[https://punchng.com/affirmative-action-should-be-taken-to-ensure-women-in-architecture-thrive-adenowo/]Olajumoke on what annoys her *Finally, I believe you can’t give what you don’t have – an unfulfilled mother cannot raise fulfilled children. She can’t raise balanced and well-rounded children who are able to take our continent out of the morass and the vacuum of leadership it is in. **[https://www.bellanaija.com/2017/04/awesome-treasures-with-jumoke-adenowo-can-a-woman-have-it-all/] Awesome Treasures with Jumoke Adenowo: Can a Woman Have it All? *Marry right; if you must marry, marry someone who believes in YOU. Your gifts and talents, your vision and your future. Don’t marry because the guy has a fine car or is rich or whatever other ephemeral reason people choose spouses for these days. **[https://www.bellanaija.com/2017/04/awesome-treasures-with-jumoke-adenowo-can-a-woman-have-it-all/] *Marry someone who respects your intrinsic worth! Be prepared for marriage it’s not by force, girls don’t marry boys, mature men marry mature women. **[https://www.bellanaija.com/2017/04/awesome-treasures-with-jumoke-adenowo-can-a-woman-have-it-all/] *Be very careful to follow your passion do what you love because it’s hard work. **[https://www.bellanaija.com/2017/04/awesome-treasures-with-jumoke-adenowo-can-a-woman-have-it-all/]Awesome Treasures with Jumoke Adenowo: Can a Woman Have it All? *Don’t roll away the ladder after you have climbed it, please Big Sis – let others climb up. **[https://www.bellanaija.com/2017/04/awesome-treasures-with-jumoke-adenowo-can-a-woman-have-it-all/]Awesome Treasures with Jumoke Adenowo: Can a Woman Have it All? *Running your own business may be a viable option for some women with children, flexible hours are key and this option, while challenging and not risk-free, does offer some latitude in structuring your time. I must warn ahead… there are no closing hours. **[https://www.bellanaija.com/2017/04/awesome-treasures-with-jumoke-adenowo-can-a-woman-have-it-all/] Awesome Treasures with Jumoke Adenowo: Can a Woman Have it All? *If you find help where you expect or not, Sisters, determine to be all you can be. Pursue your dreams, you owe it to yourself. You owe it to your children, you owe it to your country and you owe it your creator. **[https://www.bellanaija.com/2017/04/awesome-treasures-with-jumoke-adenowo-can-a-woman-have-it-all/] Awesome Treasures with Jumoke Adenowo: Can a Woman Have it All? *Heterosexual men don’t marry men; don’t be a man, it’s not a competition. We are different but EQUAL, stay feminine, stay different. **[https://www.bellanaija.com/2017/04/awesome-treasures-with-jumoke-adenowo-can-a-woman-have-it-all/] *I also believe that in an ideal situation, the woman should be able to choose when to work – according to the seasons of her life. **[https://www.bellanaija.com/2017/04/awesome-treasures-with-jumoke-adenowo-can-a-woman-have-it-all/]Awesome Treasures with Jumoke Adenowo: Can a Woman Have it All? *There is no point losing your marriage if you have married a man who has made it a deal breaker in your marriage. **[https://www.bellanaija.com/2017/04/awesome-treasures-with-jumoke-adenowo-can-a-woman-have-it-all/] *It takes wisdom to stay married and have it all you can be a lioness at work but when you get home metamorphose into a kitten. **[https://www.bellanaija.com/2017/04/awesome-treasures-with-jumoke-adenowo-can-a-woman-have-it-all/] *There can be only one head in a marriage and I may be old school, but the man is that head and must at least feel he is the head no matter what rough patch he is going through. **[https://www.bellanaija.com/2017/04/awesome-treasures-with-jumoke-adenowo-can-a-woman-have-it-all/] 2017 *Note, you can’t love what you are doing all the time. You must sometimes get through some serious boring, tough grunt work just to reach your goal of engaging your passion. Stick at it, it’s all part of the journey. **[https://www.bellanaija.com/2017/04/awesome-treasures-with-jumoke-adenowo-can-a-woman-have-it-all/] *May I be bold enough to ask that women who are now in positions of influence should make life easier for those coming behind. You know what you suffered, instead of ensuring others coming behind have as rough a ride as you did, why not be a mother and not a rival? **[https://www.bellanaija.com/2017/04/awesome-treasures-with-jumoke-adenowo-can-a-woman-have-it-all/] Awesome Treasures with Jumoke Adenowo: Can a Woman Have it All? *Why doesn’t anyone ask if a MAN can have it all? It’s actually a no- brainer. No one ever has it all; all resources, power, money. The laws of physics, economics and time-space dynamics make it impossible. **[https://www.bellanaija.com/2017/04/awesome-treasures-with-jumoke-adenowo-can-a-woman-have-it-all/] in an interview tagged “can a woman have it all?”she started her answers with that. *Men were more suited to this physical work and it fell to the women, who without a doubt are the primary nurturers of children, to take care of the children. **[https://www.bellanaija.com/2017/04/awesome-treasures-with-jumoke-adenowo-can-a-woman-have-it-all/] *I need to clarify that my definition of work in this context is a woman pursuing her passion, and deploying her innate gifts and talents in the service of humanity for financial profit. **[https://www.bellanaija.com/2017/04/awesome-treasures-with-jumoke-adenowo-can-a-woman-have-it-all/] ==External links== {{wikipedia}} *{{cite web|url=http://awesometreasuresfoundation.org/meetthefounder.php|title=Awesome Treasures Foundation: Meet the Founder}} *{{cite web|url=http://vocnigeria.com/index.php|title=VOC}} *{{cite web|url=http://adconsultinglimited.com/partner.php|title=AD Consulting}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Olajumoke, Adenowo}} [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Women from Nigeria]] [[Category:Architects from Nigeria]] [[Category:1968 births]] [[Category:Women born in the 1960s]] e2dm0d0t1lmdb4p2320qqgp6l0i3lke 0 243456 3778516 3587104 2025-07-14T12:33:38Z UDScott 4304 −[[Category:African women]]; ±[[Category:Architects]]→[[Category:Architects from Nigeria]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778516 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Yewande Omotoso|Yewande Omotoso]]''' (born 1980) is a [[South Africa]]n-based [[novelist]], architect and designer, who was born in [[w:Barbados|Barbados]] and grew up in [[Nigeria]]. She is the daughter of Nigerian writer [[w:Kole Omotoso|Kole Omotoso]], and the sister of filmmaker [[w:Akin Omotoso|Akin Omotoso]]. She currently lives in Johannesburg. Her two published novels have earned her considerable attention, including winning the South African Literary Award for First-Time Published Author, being shortlisted for the South African Fiction Prize, the M-Net Literary Awards 2012, and the 2013 [[w:Etisalat Prize for Literature|Etisalat Prize for Literature]], and being longlisted for the 2017 Bailey's Women's Prize for Fiction. ==Quotes== * Hating, after all, was a drier form of drowning. **[https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/45975785-the-woman-next-door| "The Woman Next Door"] * The pieces of life, even when put together, assembled, never amount to the life itself. **[https://cassavarepublic.biz/product/an-unusual-grief/|"Yewande Omotoso, An Unusual Grief"] * She understood what perhaps they are only just learning. That if you attempt to clean the messiness of life you end up scrubbing the life away from living. We can't excise joy from pain. **[https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/5231272.Yewande_Omotoso] Yewande Omotoso, in her book An Unusual Grief. * Coming from across cultures, I believe I mostly value difference as opposed to being threatened by it... Over time as I gain in knowledge and become braver I hope to set more stories solidly in Nigeria or Barbados but you cannot, as a writer, fake familiarity with a place – I don’t think so anyway. **[http://www.warscapes.com/conversations/presence-shadows.] Yewande Omotoso on how her diverse background comes into her writings. *My mother died when I was 23, and apart from the recent birth of my children, that is the most profound experience of my life. The grief that followed is a sharp memory of mine and I’ve often joked that the experience irrevocably marked my writing. **Onyinye Dike, [https://republic.com.ng/june-july-2023/first-draft-yewande-omotoso/ ‘I Tend to Write Wildly and Freely'], ''The Republic'', 16 June 2023. == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Omotoso, Yewande}} [[Category:Novelists from Nigeria]] [[Category:Architects from Nigeria]] [[Category:Designers]] [[Category:People from Barbados]] [[Category:Women authors]] [[Category:1980 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Women from Nigeria]] iyme53k5nrslps3z47vdemshrogo70o 0 245100 3778787 3776322 2025-07-14T18:24:14Z Bszabo15 1085757 /* External links */ 3778787 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Peacemaker (TV series)|Peacemaker]]''''' (2022-) is an American superhero streaming TV series created by [[w:James Gunn|James Gunn]]. Based on the [[w:DC Comics|DC Comics]] character of the [[w:Peacemaker (character)|Peacemaker]], and set after the events of ''[[The Suicide Squad (film)|The Suicide Squad]]'', the series further explores jingoistic killer Christopher Smith / Peacemaker. ==Season 1== ===A Whole New Whirled [1.1]=== :'''Peacemaker''': [[The Suicide Squad (film) | I killed Rick Flag for you people!]] :'''Emilia Hartcourt''': No one ever told you to kill Flag. :'''Peacemaker''': Waller said do whatever I had to do to make sure those Project Starfish files didn't get out. I made the only choice I could. :'''Hartcourt''': Funny, for you, how often "the only choice" and "killing people" coincides. <hr width=50%> :'''Hartcourt:''' Look, I have no interest in you other than your ability to fight for us. Just because you're handsome doesn't mean you're not a piece-of-shit murderer. :'''Peacemaker''': You think I'm handsome? <hr width=50%> :'''Amanda Waller''': I don’t care about the quality of the knife, as long as the blade is sharp. ===Best Friend, For Never [1.2]=== :'''Vigilante''': Do you think I feel good when after some dude does some atrocious act, that I have to kill them? :'''Peacemaker''': I don't know... :'''Vigilante''': When I find out someone murdered an innocent person, or sold somebody heroin, or did some graffiti, and I kill that person with my bare hands, their eyeballs popping out of their skulls... You think THAT gives ME pleasure? :'''Peacemaker''': ''[sighs]'' No... :'''Vigilante''': Well, it does! ''[laughs]'' It gives you pleasure too, Peacemaker, that's cause we are born killers! What separates us from the other killers, is we only kill bad people. Usually... Unless there's a mistake! Now, do I sound like a fucking maniac? <hr width=50%> :'''Peacemaker''': Do you read the news? :'''Vigilante''': No. What for? It's depressing. ===Better Goff Dead [1.3]=== :'''Vigilante''': Just remember, even if they end up being okay to "work with", they’re still not gonna be good friends. And none of them is the type to be a best friend! ===The Choad Less Traveled [1.4]=== :'''Peacemaker''': One of the most important things about killing someone, to me, is a fucking dove of peace on the weapon. <hr width=50%> :'''Old Man''': Batman doesn't kill people! :'''Peacemaker''': Because he's a pussy! :'''Old Man''': He's a dark creature of the night! :'''Peacemaker''': He's a jackass who wrestles with murderers dressed like clowns and throws them in prison, so they can break out of prison and then murder more people! Riddle me this, how many people you think Batman's indirectly murdered by being too much of a candy-ass to not kill these fools who clearly need to be smoked once and for all, you wrinkly, Sharpei-looking, dementia-infested fuck! <hr width=50%> :'''Vigilante''': Shouldn't you kill him, then? :'''Peacemaker''': No! I'm not gonna kill my dad! :'''Vigilante''': Why not? :'''Peacemaker''': Because I love him. :'''Vigilante''': Oh! <hr width=50%> :'''Peacemaker''': Well, Dad, maybe I'm a grower... not a shower. :'''Auggie''': What? :'''Peacemaker''': I don't mean like a dіck! I mean, like, a... a person, like, a guy, who you... like more as time goes on. An individual you don't like and then... you... you learn to like. :'''Auggie''': You're comparing yourself to a choad! :'''Peacemaker''': Not in a bad way! <hr width=50%> :'''Vigilante''': I'm grateful that Black people gave us rock and roll music. Lynyrd Skynyrd, ZZ Top, 38 Special... All those guys owe everything to Black American folk and blues musicians. I mean, they wouldn't exist without 'em, and then white redneck music would just sound like... well, what it sounded like before black people, which was the wet, sloppy sounds of fucking your sister. Okay, so that's my turn. Which one of you dumb, sister-fucking, tiki-torch-carrying, Sloth-from-the-Goonies-looking pieces of sh¡t wants to go next? :'''Inmate''': Who the fuck are you? :'''Vigilante''': You're first? Cool! Okay, wait. No, let me guess. Your favorite contribution to Black American culture was all the black guys who fucked your mom in the ass while you watched from the closet, jerking off? <hr width=50%> :'''Vigilante''': ''[to Auggie]'' You're a bad dad. ===Monkey Dory [1.5]=== :''[extended version from the outtakes]'' :'''Economos''': Dude, I didn't mean to put your father in prison. :'''Peacemaker''': Then why'd you put him there, you fat fuck?! :'''Economos''': Because I couldn't think of anybody else! :'''Peacemaker''': Well, what about [[Ariana Grande]], or [[Drake (musician)|Drake]]?! :'''Economos''': ''What?!'' :'''Peacemaker''': [[Brad Pitt]] or [[w:Payne Stewart|Payne Stewart]] or [[w:Doug the Pug|Doug the Pug]]... [[Khloé Kardashian]], [https://voltron.fandom.com/wiki/Red_Lion_(Legendary_Defender) the red tiger from Voltron], [[w:Teletubbies|Tinky-Winky]], [[Mariska Hargitay]], [[Mario]], Super Mario, fuckin' [[Luigi]]! [[Yoshi]], [[Princess Peach|the Princess]], [[w:Bert and Ernie|Bert, Ernie]], [[w:Grover|Grover]], [[w:Mr. Snuffleupagus|Snuffleupagus]], [[w:The Burger King|Burger King]], [[w:McDonaldland#Character|Grimace]], [[w:Ronald McDonald|Ronald McDonald]], [[w:Statler and Waldorf|the two old guys on the balcony from The Muppets]]? [[w:Fran Tarkenton|Fran Tarkenton]], [[w:Joe Montana|Joe Montana]], [[w:Joe Mantegna|Joe Mantegna]]... :'''Economos''': What the ''fuck?!'' :'''Peacemaker''': ...[[Eddie Murphy]], [[Michael Jordan]], [[Michael B. Jordan]], [[w:BTS|BTS]]? [[w:Eugene Levy|Eugene Levy]]?! :'''Economos''': Fuck, dude, half...! :'''Peacemaker''': [[w:Jon Lovitz|Jon Lovitz]]? Shut the fuck up and listen, man. I'm giving you a list of people you could've done! [[w:Danny DeVito|Danny DeVito]], [[Andy Kaufman]], [[Jim Morrison]], [[John Lennon|any]] [[Paul McCartney|one]] [[George Harrison|of]] [[Ringo Starr|the]] [[The Beatles|fuckin' Beatles!]] [[w:Pete Best|Pete Best]]? [[George Carlin]]. :'''Economos''': Dead! :'''Peacemaker''': [[Lethal Weapon|Danny Glover! Mel Gibson!]] [[w:Ice-T|Ice-T]]! [[Ice Cube]]! [[Vanilla Ice]]! [[Elvis Presley|Elvis fuckin' Presley]], [[Priscilla Presley]]... [[w:Seth Meyers|Seth Meyers]]! What about Seth Meyers, or for that matter, [[Jay Leno]]? [[Conan O'Brien|Conan's]] not really doing much right now! [[Will Ferrell]], [[Howard Stern]], [[w:Gary Dell'Abate|Baba Booey]], [[w:Robin Quivers|Robin Ophelia Quivers]], fuckin [[w:Telly Savalas|Telly Savalas]], [[w:Freddie Stroma|Freddie Stroma]], [[James Gunn]]! What the fuck, dude?! :'''Economos''': Those last two aren't even things! :'''Peacemaker''': [[Alice Cooper]], [[Ozzy Osbourne]], [[w:Sharon Osbourne|Sharon Osbourne]]. [[Bill Cosby]], [[w:Bill Cosby#Trial, conviction, conviction overturn|he just got out, he's got time on his hands!]] [[Amy Winehouse]]... :'''Economos''': Dude, Amy Winehouse is fucking dead! :'''Peacemaker''': [[Transformers|Optimus Prime]], [[G.I. Joe|Shipwreck, Cobra Commander]], the fuckin' cunts from [[Riverdale]]! :'''Economos''': Alright, most of those, you're right -- could probably go to prison. But I would ''never'' put Ariana Grande in there! She looks too innocent! :'''Peacemaker''': Possibly true! ''Possibly.'' ===Murn After Reading [1.6]=== :'''Kid With the Sad Eyes''': You said the Blackheart Ruby weighed thirty pounds. :'''Peacemaker''': Yes. :'''Kid With the Sad Eyes''': And Kite Man was riding a kite? :'''Peacemaker''': That's right! :'''Kid With the Sad Eyes''': Wouldn't he have crashed anyway, due to gravity? :'''Peacemaker''': ''[long pause]'' No. <hr width=50%> :'''Gender-Swapped Alfred E. Neuman''': Have you ever met the Flash? :'''Peacemaker''': Yeah, I have met the Flash. Like everybody else who's ever met him, I thought he was an unbearable d-bag. <hr width=50%> :'''Vigilante''': Dude. My advice? Cut it out with the introspection. The mind is a den of scorpions better left running from, not towards. <hr width=50%> :'''Leota''': You took over someone? :'''"Murn"''': Yes. :'''Leota''': Yeah, you killed someone, whoever "Murn" really was! :'''"Murn"''': I needed to stop them! So I inhabited the worst person I could find. This man, Leota, he's... he's a murderer. But still, I know his thoughts. He's... Even he could have changed. I know that. I took that from him. I took his freedom and his face. And every day, I dread waking up to his memories. <hr width=50%> :'''Vigilante''': We used to go out, kill bad guys. Boom, boom, boom. No problem. We accidentally kill the wrong person? "Aw, shoot. Bummer. That stinks". Then we move on! Now, suddenly, you've got this weird, new-age belief that all life is sacred! <hr width=50%> :'''Peacemaker''': School wasn’t my bag. It’s for dorks. ===Stop Dragon My Heart Around [1.7]=== :'''Peacemaker''': ''[to Auggie, while punching him]'' ''You'' killed my brother! You killed Keith! And you're only right about one thing, I ''am'' a piece of shit! I'm a piece of shit for listening to you for all those years! I'm a piece of shit for not killing you in your sleep! :'''Auggie''': ''[laughs]'' You hit like a girl! :''[Peacemaker storms over to Auggie's luger and picks it up, pointing it at him.]'' :'''Auggie''': Well go ahead and do it, you fucking pussy! ''[Peacemaker hesitates.]'' I knew you couldn't do it, you faggot. 'Cause I control you! Whether or not I kill you, you'll never be able to get the fuck away-- :''[Peacemaker shoots, then collapses, crying.]'' :'''Vigilante''': Dude, this is a really weird time to do your face exercises. I mean, I guess you don't get a totally sick, jacked face like yours without dedication, but... :'''Economos''': He's crying, asshole. <hr width=50%> :'''Economos''': ''[to Vigilante]'' So you're compassionate about tape, but not brutally murdering people? :'''Vigilante''': Yes. ===It's Cow or Never [1.8]=== :'''Auggie Hallucination''': The fuck are you doing? :'''Peacemaker''': Getting my poison blowgun, fucko! :'''Auggie Hallucination''': Well, why don't you just go for your piece, cumstain?! :'''Peacemaker''': You're metaphorical, douchewad! <hr width=50%> :'''Butterfly''': Why did he do that to his beard? :'''Economos''': Do what? :'''Butterfly''': Why did he color his beard all strange like that? :'''Economos''': He thought it made him look younger and more handsome. He never had a girlfriend, so he thought dyeing his beard might help. But he was also lazy, and busy with his job... and he wouldn't dye his roots regularly. And when he did, he used the cheapest brand because he was incredibly underpaid. Mostly, though, he never thought anybody noticed. Until recently, when one guy said it to him all the time. ==Cast== * [[John Cena]] – [[w:Peacemaker (comics)|Christopher Smith / Peacemaker]] * [[w:Danielle Brooks|Danielle Brooks]] – Leota Adebayo * [[w:Freddie Stroma|Freddie Stroma]] – [[w:Adrian Chase|Adrian Chase / Vigilante]] * [[w:Chukwudi Iwuji|Chukwudi Iwuji]] – Clemson Murn / Ik Nobe Lok * [[w:Jennifer Holland|Jennifer Holland]] — Emilia Harcourt * [[w:Steve Agee|Steve Agee]] — John Economos * [[w:Robert Patrick|Robert Patrick]] — August "Auggie" Smith / White Dragon * [[Viola Davis]] — [[w:Amanda Waller|Amanda Waller]] == External links == {{wikipedia}} [[Category:HBO Max shows]] [[Category:Superhero TV shows]] [[Category:American TV shows]] [[Category:DC Extended Universe]] [[Category:DC Universe (franchise)]] [[Category:American television spin-offs]] [[Category:Current shows]] 8s9w7y66htdn02jn0gz0t9c5v7li73f 14 249086 3778568 3138418 2025-07-14T12:49:02Z UDScott 4304 Moving from [[Category:Activists]] to [[Category:Activists by issue]] using [[c:Help:Cat-a-lot|Cat-a-lot]] 3778568 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Activists by issue]] rxgqxpl04xupcja2xiry5j7hacpn7li 0 250249 3778498 3180787 2025-07-14T12:26:48Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Architects]]; added [[Category:Architects from Italy]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778498 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Angelo Mangiarotti|Angelo Mangiarotti]]''' (26 February 1921 – 2 July 2012) was an Italian architect, designer, sculptor and urban planner. == Quotes == *I believe that design is a [...] method usually means only the industrial one, so I wonder how to consider the Etruscan statues? there are millions in the world, there are museums full [...] but how did they manage to produce them? And they are all original Etruscan! So why shouldn't we consider them design? ** Quote of Mangiarotti, in [https://www.google.it/books/edition/Maestri_del_design/VQrHGcRaX60C?hl=it&gbpv=1&dq=Maestri+del+design:+Castiglioni,+Magistretti,+Mangiarotti,+Mendini,+Sottsass,&printsec=frontcover]'', ''Maestri del design: Castiglioni, Magistretti, Mangiarotti, Mendini, Sottsass'', Ed. B. Mondadori, 2005, ISBN 9788842498261 *He is an architect, designer and sculptor. How would you define yourself? In the meantime, I am a convinced materialist [...] look that it is not thought that uses matter to express itself, it is matter that uses thought. If you do not know the matter you cannot speak of spirit. ** Quote of Mangiarotti, in [https://www.google.it/books/edition/Maestri_del_design/VQrHGcRaX60C?hl=it&gbpv=1&dq=Maestri+del+design:+Castiglioni,+Magistretti,+Mangiarotti,+Mendini,+Sottsass,&printsec=frontcover]'', ''Maestri del design: Castiglioni, Magistretti, Mangiarotti, Mendini, Sottsass'', Ed. B. Mondadori, 2005, ISBN 9788842498261 * The [[Virtual Reality]] is yes the continuation of reality, but sometimes you can no longer understand what you are talking about in a pink, yellow or green thing, it is so devitalized. ** Quote of Mangiarotti, in [https://www.google.it/books/edition/Maestri_del_design/VQrHGcRaX60C?hl=it&gbpv=1&dq=Maestri+del+design:+Castiglioni,+Magistretti,+Mangiarotti,+Mendini,+Sottsass,&printsec=frontcover]'', ''Maestri del design: Castiglioni, Magistretti, Mangiarotti, Mendini, Sottsass'', Ed. B. Mondadori, 2005, ISBN 9788842498261 * In my projects, I have always tried to make people's needs participate in the definition of the work. I would say that the fundamental starting point for designing a design object lies in the usefulness it has for people. An object that is not born of a necessity cannot even be considered as belonging to this category, design. ** Quote of Mangiarotti, in [https://www.google.it/books/edition/Maestri_del_design/VQrHGcRaX60C?hl=it&gbpv=1&dq=Maestri+del+design:+Castiglioni,+Magistretti,+Mangiarotti,+Mendini,+Sottsass,&printsec=frontcover]'', ''Maestri del design: Castiglioni, Magistretti, Mangiarotti, Mendini, Sottsass'', Ed. B. Mondadori, 2005, ISBN 9788842498261 * Let's start together, you with the computer I at [[Hand]] [...] he hadn't started yet while I had already finished, and it was a very simple thing [...] the younger and more skilled they are, the less they have interest in drawing in [[Hand]]. I believe that today with information technology, you have great means at your disposal, of course there are databases left, it is not from there that a project comes out; culture is something else ... the risk is the loss of the gesture ** Quote of Mangiarotti, in [https://www.google.it/books/edition/Maestri_del_design/VQrHGcRaX60C?hl=it&gbpv=1&dq=Maestri+del+design:+Castiglioni,+Magistretti,+Mangiarotti,+Mendini,+Sottsass,&printsec=frontcover]'', ''Maestri del design: Castiglioni, Magistretti, Mangiarotti, Mendini, Sottsass'', Ed. B. Mondadori, 2005, ISBN 9788842498261 * My works have always been born from the interest, the curiosity, that I have for the material and the possible ways of working it; and then find solutions often even at the limit, I would say. It is always necessary to pay close attention to the choice of materials with which an object will be made, since a relationship with the form is always very delicate. Technological innovation represents one of the fundamental aspects for the designer's work, but it must not lead to the exasperation of the technique at the expense of other aspects. ** Quote of Mangiarotti, in [https://designlibrary.it/2012/07/03/angelo-mangiarotti/#.UAGSOlIWL9A]'', ''La felicità viene dalla correttezza'', DesignLibrary.it == Quotes about Angelo Mangiarotti == *Angelo Mangiarotti is an absolutely original author of international architecture, one of the few Italian masters (such as Ponti, Nervi and Piano) able to export his own idea and project philosophy. architecture, engineering, design and art, thanks to its ability to dialogue with these normally distant disciplines - The profound sense of ethical values, civic commitment and moral rigor with which to feel every gesture of the profession make us Angelo Mangiarotti a rare example; unique designer in his being an architect, designer and sculptor at the same time. ([[Beppe Finessi]]) == Links == * [[Gualtiero Galmanini]] * [[Pierto Portaluppi]] * [[Gio Ponti]] * [[Angelo Mangiarotti]] == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{Commons|Category:Angelo Mangiarotti}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Mangiarotti, Angelo}} [[Category:1921 births]] [[Category:Artists from Italy]] [[Category:Sculptors from Italy]] [[Category:Conceptual artists]] [[Category:Architects from Italy]] [[Category:Designers]] [[Category:2012 deaths]] ihwmcdi7wtn3658bmm1byfqjp1ty261 0 250391 3778654 3483815 2025-07-14T13:36:26Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Comedians]]; added [[Category:Comedians from India]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778654 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:CarryMinati-in juhu.jpj.png|right|thumb|200px|My expectations were nothing. I only wanted 50K subscribers, a room to play my games in and make enough money to be able to buy new games and create content.]] '''[[w:CarryMinati|Ajey Nagar]]''' (born 12 June 1999), better known as '''[[CarryMinati]]''', is an Indian YouTuber, streamer and rapper from Faridabad, India. He is best known for his Hindi language commentary, comedic skits and reactions to various online topics on his channel CarryMinati.<ref name=":1" /<ref>{{Cite web|date=2020-06-13|title=CarryMinati: Everything you should know about the YouTube star|url=https://indianexpress.com/article/entertainment/entertainment-others/everything-you-should-know-about-youtube-star-carryminati-6455510/|access-date=2021-04-10|website=The Indian Express|language=en|archive-date=10 April 2021|archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20210410161623/https://indianexpress.com/article/entertainment/entertainment-others/everything-you-should-know-about-youtube-star-carryminati-6455510/|url-status=live}}</ref><ref>https://www.khaleejtimes.com/entertainment/meet-carryminati-an-asian-social-media-star-with-over-40-million-followers</ref> {{comedian-stub}} == Quotes == * Best thing about my work is my ideas can be my reality no matter how weird it is. I'll always be grateful to you guys for this I don't care how weird the idea is, I just want to have fun. * The more insecure you are the more you want to make people laugh. * My alter ego was a major confidence booster in my life and helped shape my digital career in ways more than one. "It felt amazing to be recognised due to the fan appreciation, something like what we see in the superhero films.<ref>https://www.wionews.com/entertainment/lifestyle/news-wion-exclusive-carryminati-my-alter-ego-made-me-from-being-invisible-to-widely-recognised-430716</ref> * Money is a separate part it is essential part it is important for sure when i first started earning from YouTube for me it was like ok i will not pay any attention to this because I'll get spoiled i will corrupt my mind I'll buy things that i shouldn't i would never focus on money i would just keep on creating, like i don't want to stop that was my mindset. <ref>https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cf_uWYbp7L6/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=</ref> * I would like to consider myself an artist and I have always courted the idea of being abstract and misinterpreted. Anything that can evoke a sense of emotion and passion is art for me.<ref>https://www.thehindu.com/entertainment/youtuber-carryminati-talks-about-roasting-and-more/article33308183.ece</ref> * No matter how much I try, I’m still unpredictable even for myself. You can even say that I may be slightly impulsive.<ref>https://www.mensxp.com/digital-cover/carryminati-ajey-nagar-october-mensxp-digital-cover-interview.html</ref> * My expectations were nothing. I only wanted 50K subscribers, a room to play my games in and make enough money to be able to buy new games and create content.<ref>https://www.hindustantimes.com/htcity/cinema/carry-minati-my-mother-wanted-me-to-go-for-medical-studies-101710483408788-amp.html</ref> == References == {{reflist}} == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{Commons category|CarryMinati}} {{DEFAULTSORT:CarryMinati}} [[Category:1999 births]] [[Category:Actors from India]] [[Category:Comedians from India]] [[Category:Video artists]] [[Category:Internet personalities]] [[Category:Bloggers]] [[Category:Producers]] [[Category:People from Haryana]] [[Category:People from Delhi]] [[Category:1999 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:YouTubers]] lwrztkz6ftldj6bwqkzpvwxbz7krelh 3778655 3778654 2025-07-14T13:36:40Z UDScott 4304 3778655 wikitext text/x-wiki {{people-cleanup}} [[File:CarryMinati-in juhu.jpj.png|right|thumb|200px|My expectations were nothing. I only wanted 50K subscribers, a room to play my games in and make enough money to be able to buy new games and create content.]] '''[[w:CarryMinati|Ajey Nagar]]''' (born 12 June 1999), better known as '''[[CarryMinati]]''', is an Indian YouTuber, streamer and rapper from Faridabad, India. He is best known for his Hindi language commentary, comedic skits and reactions to various online topics on his channel CarryMinati.<ref name=":1" /<ref>{{Cite web|date=2020-06-13|title=CarryMinati: Everything you should know about the YouTube star|url=https://indianexpress.com/article/entertainment/entertainment-others/everything-you-should-know-about-youtube-star-carryminati-6455510/|access-date=2021-04-10|website=The Indian Express|language=en|archive-date=10 April 2021|archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20210410161623/https://indianexpress.com/article/entertainment/entertainment-others/everything-you-should-know-about-youtube-star-carryminati-6455510/|url-status=live}}</ref><ref>https://www.khaleejtimes.com/entertainment/meet-carryminati-an-asian-social-media-star-with-over-40-million-followers</ref> {{comedian-stub}} == Quotes == * Best thing about my work is my ideas can be my reality no matter how weird it is. I'll always be grateful to you guys for this I don't care how weird the idea is, I just want to have fun. * The more insecure you are the more you want to make people laugh. * My alter ego was a major confidence booster in my life and helped shape my digital career in ways more than one. "It felt amazing to be recognised due to the fan appreciation, something like what we see in the superhero films.<ref>https://www.wionews.com/entertainment/lifestyle/news-wion-exclusive-carryminati-my-alter-ego-made-me-from-being-invisible-to-widely-recognised-430716</ref> * Money is a separate part it is essential part it is important for sure when i first started earning from YouTube for me it was like ok i will not pay any attention to this because I'll get spoiled i will corrupt my mind I'll buy things that i shouldn't i would never focus on money i would just keep on creating, like i don't want to stop that was my mindset. <ref>https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cf_uWYbp7L6/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=</ref> * I would like to consider myself an artist and I have always courted the idea of being abstract and misinterpreted. Anything that can evoke a sense of emotion and passion is art for me.<ref>https://www.thehindu.com/entertainment/youtuber-carryminati-talks-about-roasting-and-more/article33308183.ece</ref> * No matter how much I try, I’m still unpredictable even for myself. You can even say that I may be slightly impulsive.<ref>https://www.mensxp.com/digital-cover/carryminati-ajey-nagar-october-mensxp-digital-cover-interview.html</ref> * My expectations were nothing. I only wanted 50K subscribers, a room to play my games in and make enough money to be able to buy new games and create content.<ref>https://www.hindustantimes.com/htcity/cinema/carry-minati-my-mother-wanted-me-to-go-for-medical-studies-101710483408788-amp.html</ref> == References == {{reflist}} == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{Commons category|CarryMinati}} {{DEFAULTSORT:CarryMinati}} [[Category:1999 births]] [[Category:Actors from India]] [[Category:Comedians from India]] [[Category:Video artists]] [[Category:Internet personalities]] [[Category:Bloggers]] [[Category:Producers]] [[Category:People from Haryana]] [[Category:People from Delhi]] [[Category:1999 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:YouTubers]] rnetx065icca6valnsx32zaucf0gpko 0 251418 3778768 3758385 2025-07-14T18:02:51Z CommonsDelinker 13873 Removing "Zaniskari_Horse_in_Ladakh.jpg", it has been deleted from Commons by [[c:User:A.Savin|A.Savin]] because: faked license and/or description -- per [[:c:Commons:Deletion requests/Files on User:GPSLeo/temp|]]. 3778768 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} [[File:Homestar Runner logo black.svg|thumb|Homestarrunner dot net. “It's dot com!”]] [[File:Red bordered white star.svg|thumb|Everybody! Everybody!]] [[File:BrothersChaps.JPG|thumb|Everybody loves the Homestar Runner. He is a terrific athlete.]] [[File:Montreal Comiccon 2015 - Strong Bad (18837897773).jpg|thumb|I'm Strong Bad, and you don't know it yet, but [[W:breakout character|I'm the reason you're here]].]] '''''[[w:Homestar Runner|Homestar Runner]]''''' is an animated web comedy series based on the life and misadventures of a group of eccentric characters, including the titular Homestar Runner. It is best known for the character Strong Bad, a sharp-tongued [[W:luchador|luchador]] who answers viewer fanmail in a humorous, mocking fashion. == The Homestar Runner Enters the Strongest Man in the World Contest == *Everybody loves the Homestar Runner. He is a terrific athlete. **Narration on first page <hr width="50%"/> *'''Strong Bad''': I'm the very strongest! You guys are not very strong! == Where My Hat Is At? ''[sic]'' == *'''Homestar Runner''': ''[repeated line]'' Where my hat is at? <hr width="50%"/> *'''Homestar Runner''': I could go for a few cold ones right about now. ==Site intro== *Everybody! Everybody! **Main theme song lyrics ==Who Said What Now?== *'''Marzipan''': I'm the only girl. ==First Time Here?== *'''Homestar Runner''': Oh, hello! Welcome to Homestarrunner dot net. *'''Crewman''': It's "dot com". *'''Homestar Runner''': Oh, right. Homestarrunner dot net. “It's dot com!” <hr width="50%"/> *'''Strong Bad''': Hello, and welcome to I'm a Big Moron Who Can't Remember His Lines Dot Com! No, seriously. I'm Strong Bad, and you don't know it yet, but [[W:breakout character|I'm the reason you're here]]. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': Check me out! No, seriously, check me out. ==Character introduction videos== ===Strong Bad=== *'''Strong Bad''': I'm Strong Bad. I've been described as cool, awesome, hot, video games ''[sic]'', the hottest, and real real hot. ===Marzipan=== *'''Marzipan''': I'm a fiercely independent woman, and I'm fiercely independent about the soy products that I choose. ===King of Town=== *'''King of Town''': Now, despite rumors to the contrary, I did not just buy a crown at the costume palace and ask people to start calling me the King of Town. I earned my title the same way I earned a free combo meal: by purchasing one of equal or lesser value. I also did not ever try to eat my own mustache. ==Strong Bad Email== ===Some kinda robot (1)=== *'''Strong Bad''': “Dear Strong Bad: Do you take your wrestling mask and boxing gloves off before you go to bed? Sincerely, Abdi LaRue, [[W:San Diego, CA|San Diego, CA]].” Well, that's a stupid question, Abdi. Do you take off your face and hands before you go to bed? And if so, are you some kind of [[robot]]? ===Homsar (2)=== *'''Strong Bad''': “Hi Strong Bad, if you hate Homsar ''[sic]'' so much, why don't you kill him? From Vinnie C.” You know what, Vinnie? You're right. I'll be right back. *''[Cut to a strange being labelled Homsar]'' *'''Strong Bad''': Hey, Homsar! *'''Homsar''': Uhdyeah, what ees eht, Stwong Baaaaayaad? *''[Strong Bad squashes him with a giant weight labelled “heavy lourde” [sic]]'' **This email inspired the creation of the character Homsar, who became a reoccurring cast member ===Butt IQ (3)=== *'''Strong Bad''': “Dear Mr. Bad, how do you know if someone's butt is stupid? I mean, is there like some kind of [[W:IQ test|IQ test]]? Crapfully yours, Tyler.” Oh, come on Tyler! Don't you remember your [[algebra]], man? It's called the Transitive Butt Property. And it clearly states that the stupidity of somebody's butt is greater than or equal to the stupidity of that person's head. ===I she be (13)=== *'''Strong Bad''': “Hey my name is great looking girl strong bad! i she be your girlfriend.” [sic] Uh… Hey! My name is Strong Bad, great looking girl! I he be your boyfriend. Okay, seriously. All i gotta say about this is… GET IN LINE SISTER!!! I mean, do you know how many freakin emails I get like this a DAY? From ladies with proper grammar? I mean come on! ===Tape-leg (19)=== *'''Strong Bad''': “Dear Strong Bad, my brothers are always telling me that your legs are made of tape, is that true? Nee-co-las.” [Nicholas] They said my legs were made of tape?! WHAT?! I mean, do I look like some kinda tape-leg? I can guarantee you, man, I am not a tape-leg. ===Spring cleaning (20)=== [[File:Cherry Keyboard G83-6105RLNDE, German layout-5996.jpg|thumb|How do you type with boxing gloves on?]] '''Strong Bad''': “Dear Strong Bad, How do you type with boxing gloves on? Mike, Bend [[Oregon|Ora-gawn]]”. Oh, that's a new one. No way do I get this freaking question all the time. I suppose I'll probably answer it right now— DELETED!! <Hr width=“50% “/> '''Strong Bad''': “Dear Strong Bad, Are you made of crap? Did you invent the word crap? Where did the word crap come from? Crapfully crapfully, Chad”. Oh, I'll totally answer this one because apparently the only thing I'm concerned with is the word crap— DELETED!! ===Cartoon (21)=== *'''Strong Bad''': Too much of a good thing is an awesome thing. But too much of an awesome thing is... umm... really, really dumb and bad. ===Bird (24)=== *'''Strong Bad''': Psssshhh! [[W:the finger|The Double Deuce]]! ===Flag day (32)=== Come to the place where tropical breezes blow. <br> Come to the coolest place I know. <br> The people are so great, <br> But really there's only me, <br> And that means I'm so great, <br> And also there's The Cheat. *Strongbadian national anthem ===Property of ones (39)=== [[File:Cerveza Pacifico.jpg|thumb|The colder it is, the more of a one it is. Because you don't want to end up with a Cold None. I wouldn't wish that on anybody.]] *'''Strong Bad''': The colder it is, the more of a one it is. Because you don't want to end up with a Cold None. I wouldn't wish that on anybody. ===Vacation (40)=== *'''Strong Bad''': Hey, you guys! Just dropping you a line here from "The Great Mound". I got two words for ya: false advertising. There's nothing great about this mound, okay? <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': I kinda miss you guys and your emails... I can almost hear one of them now: "Dear Stong Bad, You are crap. Crap is the best. Everybody loves crap. Crap is in the mix. Crap is to the max. How does Homestar pick stuff up if he's not wearing any Marzipants? Crapfully crap, Monkey D, [[W:Seattle, Washington|Seattle, Washington]]." <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': It was nothing but antique stores down there, like I couldn't find a single restaurant! I have a sneaking suspicion the people in Over There ''eat'' antiques. ===Marzipan (59)=== *'''Marzipan''': ''[singing]'' Oh yeah, oh yeah, and I really don't like him at all. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': Do you don't not dislike not Strong Bad? *'''Marzipan''': Uh... I guess... *'''Strong Bad''': See! I told you you loved me! ===Interview (62)=== '''Strong Bad''': [imitating Homsar] DaAa! I was raised by a cup of coffee. ===Crazy cartoon (72)=== *'''Strong Bad''': Crazy cartoons usually have titles that have nothing to do with the cartoon itself. You know, like... “Sweet Cuppin' Cakes”! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': I don't think it deserved a trophy. I don't even think it deserved a pizza! Maybe a pizza trophy. ===The process (79)=== *'''Strong Bad''': Show you the process, eh, Em? Sure, I can do dat, but I should warn you, it may spoil the magic for some of you out there. I strongly urge both the faint of heart and the faint of butt to leave the room at this time. ===Stunt double (80)=== *'''Strong Bad (as Dangeresque)''': I'm gonna have to JUMP! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Coach Z (as Renaldo)''': Sounds pretty dangerous. *'''Strong Bad (as Dangerseque)''': No... sounds ''Dangeresque''! ===No loafing (86)=== [[File:Windsurfer (14942953548).jpg|thumb|Failure is not [[Profanity|a four-letter word]].]] *Failure is not [[Profanity|a four-letter word]]. **[[W:Motivational poster|Motivational poster]] (depicting a wind surfer) seen in video *The loneliest goat sees the last sunset last... **”Old adage” on a “wood burny thing” depicting a horse, per Strong Bad ===Caffeine (91)=== *'''Strong Bad''': And coming in at number 91, it's: ''[[W:metal scream|E-Maaaaaaaaaaail!!!]]'' “Dear Strong Bad, It must be really annoying living with someone as whiny as Strong Sad. Why don't you slip him some caffeine? Justin, [[W:Murfreesboro, TN|Murfreesboro]], [[Tekken]] [ [[Tennessee|TN]] ]” Oh-ho-ho-ho! ''Devilish laugh''. Dear Justin, In addition to [[Wiktionary:cut of one's jib|the cut of your jib]], I likes the sound of your town. ''Murfreesboro''. But we got the All-Wide Science Fair just around the corner and I've been straining for a project. So far alls I've come up with is the effects of gasoline… on fire. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': In the final stages, subject became: :Erratic, :violent, :and Really Funny to Watch. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': At this point, the test subject...was dead. [audience gasps] *'''Strong Sad''': [offscreen] I was not dead! *'''Strong Bad''': ...Shut up. And all of this data could only bring us to one conclusion: ...Strong Sad's adopted. [audience gasps] *'''Strong Sad''': [offscreen] That's not true either! ===Kind of cool (92)=== *'''Strong Bad''': I'd still probably be the coolest guy in the world, just a different kind of cool. More of a "I'm so cool, you don't even know I'm cool" kind of cool. **On if he was not ”stylish, buff, and handsome” <Hr width=“50% “/> *''[after strong bad is finished describing his “kind of cool” alter ego]'' *'''Strong Sad''': You basically described that creep Señor Cardgage that lived down the street from us when we were little. *'''Strong Bad''': What!? You didn't think Senor [sic] Cardgage was cool? *'''Strong Sad''': No! He was extremely sketchy and gave me nightmares. *'''Strong Bad''': And... What's not cool about giving you nightmares? *'''Strong Sad''': Oh, never mind. Go back to your creepy comb-over story. ===The bet (95)=== *'''Strong Bad''': So, hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on. Let me get this uh-straight: You're betting me that you're cool. *'''Homestar Runner''': Yep, I'm cool. *'''Strong Bad''': And if you're not cool, you have to change your name to... Kevin DuBrow. But if you are cool, I gotta spend the night over at The King of Town's? *'''Homestar Runner''': That's the deal, man. The total deal. *'''Strong Bad''': You're goin' down, son. *'''Homestar Runner''': No ways. *'''Strong Bad''': All right! Let's see you be's cool. *'''Homestar Runner''': ''[Homestar puts on sunglasses]'' 'Sup? *'''Strong Bad''': Oh, crap!! <hr width="50%"/> *'''King of Town''': So here's all my foodstuffs. You want some Pork Snagglins? Or a can of Butter-da or anything? *'''Strong Bad''': King, I think that stuff's for automotive use only. *'''King of Town''': It's possible. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''King of Town''': [advertising Butter-da] They tell me not to, but I still drinks [sic] it! ===Monument (97)=== *'''Strong Bad''': Yeah, there were big plans once. It was to be made of the finest materials. On a massive scale that would rival the [[W:Aztecs|Aztecs]] and their... [[W:Tenochtitlan|techno-chocolate land]]. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': Oh yeah, The Cheat. That totally looks like my right foot. It's got all the rightness of a foot without all the footdom of a right. *'''Off-screen chorus''': ''Here comes the Thnikkaman!'' *'''Strong Bad''': No way! Check it out The Cheat, it's the Thnikkaman! Hey, Thnikkaman! *'''Bubs''': [as “the Thnikkaman”] Hey, kid! *'''Strong Bad''': Can we have some? *'''Bubs''': Yeah, okay. *'''Strong Bad''': Thanks, Thnikkaman! [mumbles to The Cheat] Thanks, Thnikkaman. *'''Bubs''': Yeah, shut up, kid! *'''Off-screen chorus''': ''There goes the Thnikkaman!'' <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': I'd like to see you stay on task when you're starin' down the barrel of a loaded Thnikkaman. ===Different town (99)=== '''Strong Bad''': “Dear Strong Bad, I just wondering [sic], if you had a chance to make your town different, what would you do? Censorly [“Sincerley”], Steven, [[W:Volkswagen|Wolksvagen]] [ [[West Virginia|WV]] ].” Pour hot soup in Homestar's eyes, eh, Steven? That sounds like a pretty good- wait... what'd your email say again? ===Flashback (100)=== *'''Strong Bad''': Oh, I got flashbacks alright, Jon. I'm like, Discount Flashback Warehouse over here. But this particular flashback has way too much historical significance to be shown in anything but [[W:Widescreen|WIDESCREEEEEEEEEEEEN]]. Left side: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAH! [screen expands to the left] Right side: WOOOOOAHH— [screen expands to the right, revealing Homestar Runner] Wha-uh, what are you doin' over there? *'''Homestar Runner''': Oh, I'm pretty much here every week. It's just that usually I'm behind the black. *'''Strong Bad''': Guess I should start... lookin' to the right more often. *'''Homestar Runner''': In fact, I think I might live here. *'''Strong Bad''': I don't think so. If you lived here, you'd have less non-broken bones. And more crushed spirits. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': Everyone loves Strong Bad. He is an okay guy. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': [narrating] One day Strong Bad was finishing up a game of tennis on the moon with his pal, the Coach Z. He won 1,000,000 to 3. *'''Storybook Strong Bad''': You see, 3 is clearly a smaller number than a million. *'''Strong Bad''': Said Strong Bad. *'''Storybook Coach Z''': Ooooooh. Now I understand. ===Car (101)=== *'''Strong Bad''': Oh, good one Kyle. Like I don't get two jillion of these emails every two jillion seconds. Er. Wait. Would that be so bad? Hmmm. I'll have to ask Gron Sad about that later on. Maybe write in to [[W:Popular Science|Popular Science]] about it. "Popular Science." No such thing, man. More like, "Nerdular Nerdence." **Popular Science actually [http://www.popsci.com/popular-science-answers-question-strong-bad-asked-us-13-years-ago answered Strong Bad] 13 years after the email ===Haircut (103)=== *'''Strong Mad''': I DON’T WANT TO EAT A GUITAR! ===Dangeresque 3 (106)=== *'''Strong Bad (as Dangerseque)''': Let's get one thing straight, meatball... face... butt: I work alone. 'Cept when I work with Renaldo... which is all the time. *'''Homestar Runner (as Dangeresque Too)''': Oh yeah? Well, you need me because I'm the only one that knows where Perducci is, and where that is... is that he is... in... [[Istanbul]]. ===Cheatday (107)=== '''Strong Bad''': So, nobody knows exactly when The Cheat's Cheatday is, so we celebrate it on the only day we know for sure it isn't. And that's the date of birth on his fake I.D. Which says he's a 43-year-old Scandinavian miner named Ilko Skevüld. <Hr width=“50% “/> '''Strong Bad''': After breakfast, in honor of Ilko's heritage, we'll usually play some mining games, like... mining... and... coal…? ===Replacement (105)=== [[File:PAX 2008 - Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People (2810850382).jpg|thumb|Looks like I'm gonna be checking e-mails and kicking Cheats 'til the day I die.]] '''Strong Bad''': Looks like I'm gonna be checking e-mails and kicking Cheats 'til the day I die. Whoa, that'd make an awesome tattoo! Or an even better epitaph! ===For kids (110)=== *'''Strong Bad''': Okay, kids, we're gonna play "Where's The Cheat?". Can you say, "a-The Cheat"? *'''Kids''': [mumbling] THE CHEAT! *'''Random kid''': [[Christopher Columbus]]! *'''Strong Bad''': Not good enough. F minus minus. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': All right, dumb children. Find The Cheat! *'''Kids''': He’s over there! *'''Strong Bad''': Um, no, he's behind the box. No, uh, he's not even behind the box, he's barely obscured by the box. Look, The Cheat is ''behind the freaking box!!'' HE'S BEHIND THE BOX! I'LL KILL YA!! I'LL KILL ALL YOUR DOGS!! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': I've got two words for the children that are raised on that crap: HELD BACK. REPEATING THE THIRD GRADE. LOW STANDARDIZED TEST SCORES. I GUESS THIS WAS MORE THAN TWO WORDS. ===The facts (114)=== *'''Strong Bad''': He's like a big square, this guy ''[Strong Mad]''. I don't really know if that has anything to do with why he doesn't have his own cartoon. But it's just weird, is all. Un... settling. I guess if he lived in Cubeland, it might work, but... Cubeland is a place I just made up, so... <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Homestar Runner''': I want my own cartoon, Strong Bad. *'''Strong Bad''': What? I'm over here! *'''Homestar Runner''': Oh. ''[turns around]'' I want my own cartoon, Pom Pom. *'''Strong Bad''': Homestar, a cartoon starring you would be horrible. It'd just be you saying "Sewiously" ''[sic]'' all the time and acting like a moron... all the time. *'''Homestar Runner''': No, no! Not no more! I got a new catchphrase! *'''Strong Bad''': No. *'''Homestar Runner''': You wanna hear it? *'''Strong Bad''': No! *'''Homestar Runner''': I'd be all the time sayin' "That's bupkis!" ===Time capsule (115)=== *'''Strong Bad''': Rest assured, Shim-Sham Sam, my [[W:time capsule|time capsule]] would reign supreme. Like your hot single Mom is gonna wanna date my time capsule. So, the key to a good time capsule is it being an actual capsule. None of these shoe boxes or tennis ball cans. No. Those things are called time boxes and time tennis ball cans. Those are different and lame and differently lame. And they always get dug up in about 4 days. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': And I might as well spit in it, just in case they ever figure out how to make people… from spit. Ooh! Then I'd put some [[W:dry ice|dry ice]] in there so when they open it up it looks all smoky and steamy and it says a-like ''froosh'' when they first open it. There'll be no doubt about my coolty. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Stinkoman''': Oh man, those first four hundred bites of dirt were not so good. Maybe the next one will be better. [finds Strong Bad’s time capsule] WHAAAT is this?! Some sort of a challenge buried in the GROUUUND?! ===Animal (119)=== *'''Strong Bad''': The Lappy 486 weighs in at an extremely portable forty-two pounds and features an impressive battery life of one half of ten minutes. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': [I]f I was my own made up animal, I would probably like as [sic] the coolest made up animal ever made up. I would have all the cool animal options and accessories: Claws, Horns, Tusks, Tentacles, Power Doors, 15 Year [[W:Drivetrain|Drivetrain]] Warranty, [[W:Proboscis|Proboscis]], Segmented Eyes<ref>Strong Bad is actually referring to [[W:compound eyes|compound eyes]]</ref>… ===Radio (120)=== '''Strong Bad''': [T]he first rule of thumb for all radio personalities is to look absolutely nothing like how they sound. <Hr width=“50% “/> '''Strong Bad''': College radio can pretty much be summed up in 5 words: [[wiktionary:dead air|Dead air]], um, dead air. ===Origins (123)=== '''Strong Bad''': Ugh! Why do you [[W:Melvin Van Peebles|Van Peebles]] always wanna know the origins and histories of every freakin' little thing? <Hr width=“50% “/> '''Marzipan''': [while being spraypainted by Strong Bad] To me, this is something that losers would do. <Hr width=“50% “/> '''Strong Bad''': Man, did you guys see me refuse to take that guff? I flat out rejected it! That guff never even had a chance! <Hr width=“50% “/> '''Strong Bad''': So ya see Claire, if it weren't for the Stick, and Marzipan's considerable resistance to death, the On Point Kings may never have stolen the King of Town's dunce cap and renamed it Lotionman! D-don't ask, it was Strong Mad's idea. ===Secret recipes (124)=== *'''Strong Bad''': Being from Africa, I'm sure you guys are used to eating, like, exotic fruits and nectars and, um, lions… so our recipes may seem a bit uncouth. ''Uncouth''. Can something be just plain ''couth''? I bet freakin' Strong Sad is plain couth. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': Say there, Coach, would you like to try some of our free icèd-c-cream? It's got toasted coconut! *'''Coach Z''': How could I refuse? I can't afford the money-cost variety! [starts eating] Oooh! Sweet mercy! [keeps eating] This is orful! [sic] [still eating] *'''Strong Bad''': Aww, it's OK, Coach. You're the proud new eater of a healthy bowl of sour cream and The Cheat fur! *'''Coach Z''': Hoo! I think I'm going to puke my pants! *'''Strong Bad''': Ugh! Please don't elaborate on that. *'''Coach Z''': Naw, it's easy. I do it all the time! Here, let me show ya's! *'''Strong Bad''': AUGH! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Homestar Runner''': Hey, girlfriend, have you tried any of this free ice cream Strong Bad made? *'''Marzipan''': Homestar, didn't anyone tell you? That's, like, cottage cheese and The Cheat hair! *'''Homestar Runner''': WHAT!? Strong Bad told me it was ''sour cream'' and The Cheat hair! ===Garage Sale (129)=== [[File:Vuilnis.JPG|thumb|Lemme tell you a thing or two about garage sales: Ya ever get the feeling that the people just got lazy taking the trash out, so they stopped right there on the driveway and started putting price tags on things?]] '''Strong Bad''': Lemme tell you a thing or two about garage sales: Ya ever get the feeling that the people just got lazy taking the trash out, so they stopped right there on the driveway and started putting price tags on things? I mean, isn't it just a little bit suspicious that there's only a one-letter difference between “garage sale” and “gar-BAHHJ sale”? Except, don't ever say “gar-BAHHJ” like that. That's, like, the only joke Moms have and they can keep it for all I care. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': ''[Voiceover]'' First, there's the haggler, the guy who spends all day trying to talk you down from a quarter to twenty-two cents for some worthless piece of crap. *'''Bubs''': I'll give ya two thin dimes for this pantyhose doll. *'''Strong Bad''': First off... all... that is Aunt Gert. And secondly, she's worth way more than the quarter I'm asking for her! Heck, I paid six-fifty for her new. And them's 1998 dollars! *'''Bubs''': Well, maybe if she was wearing a troll outfit, or a witch's hat or somethin'... *'''Strong Bad''': I'll let it go for twenty-four cents. *'''Bubs''': Twenty-two and [[W:half cent|a half]]! *'''Strong Bad''': You, my friend... just bought yourself an Aunt Gert. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Marzipan''': Coach Z, may I ask why you're buying up all the "great for baby" items? *'''Coach Z''': I'd prefer that ya didn't. <Hr width=“50% “/> '''Strong Bad''': Obviously, wasting your Saturday morning just to sell $3.19 worth of trash isn't the real reason to have a garage sale. It's to get people out of their houses so The Cheat can ransack them! ===Do over (130)=== *'''Strong Bad''': “Richie Z, [[Canada|Can-A-Duh]]” Wait, you're not related to Coach Z, are you, Richie? Or Coach [[W:Zed (letter)|Zed]] as you [[W:Canuck|cah-nooks]] call him. Whoa, ''Coach Zed''. That's way cooler. I'm gonna start calling him that too and maybe he won't suck so bad! ===Modeling (132)=== '''Strong Bad''': I can't wait to get those pictures back from the lab. I can totally see some of them being used in one of those glossy fashion magazines. Y'know, the kind that cost nine bucks and are 97% ads. Like maybe in an ad for those fancy leather shoes that you're supposed to wear without socks. WITHOUT SOCKS! Man! Can you imagine the luxury! ===Bottom 10 (133)=== *'''Strong Bad''': Number Ten is easy: [[w:Wet T-shirt contest|Dry T-Shirt Contests]]. You'll never find a more degrading contest or a larger waste of not water. <hr width="50%"/> *'''Strong Bad''': Number Three is the [[W:death by chocolate|ridiculous trend of giving chocolate desserts dangerous names]]. You know, like, [[W:cardiac arrest|Chocolardiac Arrest]]. <hr width="50%"/> *'''Strong Bad''': Slumming in at Number Two are songs that try to pass off [[W:scat singing|la la's, na na's, and doot do's]] as legit lyrics. As evidenced in Limozeen's bizarrely titled "Feed The Childrens." ''[a portion of the fictitious song is played, consisting of the described gibberish lyrics]'' Ugh, what were they thinking? More like, "We need to feed our children, so we made this terrible song." ===Space Program (138)=== [[File:Albert Einstein Head.jpg|thumb|While the muscular crew will age only a few hours, the cargo, according to our vague understanding of the [[theory of relativity]], will have aged to an incredible one million dollars.]] *'''Strong Bad''': Who doesn't have a space program these days? I mean, don't, like, the Italians [[W:Italian Space Agency|have a space program]]? <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Narrator''': SBASAF [Strong Badian Administration of Some Aluminum Foil] is a [[W:Not-for-profit organization|definitely-for-profit organization]], dedicated to the manned taping of aluminum foil to cardboard. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Narrator''': Our mission objective: to accompany 15 earth dollars on a round trip journey to the closest reaches of space. While the muscular crew will age only a few hours, the cargo, according to our vague understanding of the [[theory of relativity]], will have aged to an incredible one million dollars. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Narrator''': And who is good enough at video games to accept such a dangerous mission? Why, none other than [[W:beef bouillon|beef bouillon]]-aire joyboy Space Captainface. First Lieuteneral Captainface knows the true key to success is to have as many hot '60s-looking girls in your filmstrips as possible. ===High school (140)=== *'''Strong Bad''': Now, I have an extremely [[W:Photographic memory|unphotographic memory]]. So, I guess that'd be more like a drawing, or a doodle. Like a doodle memory. But I would hazard a guess that we were probably just like other cartoons were in high school, i.e. we were [[Scooby-Doo|a team of super sleuths]]. *''[cut to the main characters as teenagers]'' *'''Marzipan''': Stampers! My long lost uncle's abandoned pie factory sure is mysterious. *'''Strong Bad''': Ah, there's no such thing as "mysterious". *'''Homestar Runner''': I don't want to take any chances. We should play in a band, just to be safe. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': In, um, middle school we were a bunch of [[W:Muppet Babies|melon-headed babies with gigantic eyes and ENORMOUS imaginations]]. *''[cut to the main characters as babies]'' *'''Baby Coach Z''': I'm pretending I'm the craptain of the foortball torm! [sic] *'''Baby Strong Bad''': I'm pretending I'm playing better video games! Aw, man! [[W:Adventure (1980 video game)|That freakin' duck swallowed both my pixels]]! *'''Baby Strong Sad''': I'm pretending I'm not sitting next to The Diapersmith. <Hr width=“50% “/> '''Strong Bad''': And going even unnecessarily further back, we were all a bunch of plucky [[W:paramecium|parameciums]] living in Free [[W:Petri Dish|Petri Dish]] USA. <Hr width=“50% “/> '''Strong Bad''': And then, of course, before that we were… [[Roman Empire|Romans]]… living in Roman times. And [[W:Don Knotts|Don Knotts]] was always showing up. ===Secret identity (142)=== *'''Strong Bad''': I got lots of secret identities. Lately, I've been using this one: ''Tip Tappers: Expensive Briefcase Carrier.'' I use Mr. Tappers when I'm on tour and I want to check into a hotel and not be bothered by legions of fans. *[cut to “Bubs’ Motor Lodge”] *'''Bubs''': And what name will this room be under? *'''Strong Bad''': Uh, Tip Tappers, please. Unless some girl asks what room Strong Bad's in. And she's at least a seven out of ten. Or uh... six if she's naked. ===Technology (143)=== [[File:Technologie.jpg|thumb|The word "[[technology]]"... means... "magic". It's basically anything that's really cool that you don't know how it works. And if it breaks, you have to buy a new one.]] *'''Strong Bad''': The word "[[technology]]"... means... "magic". It's basically anything that's really cool that you don't know how it works. And if it breaks, you have to buy a new one. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': And then there's the Lappy, which rules over technology with a 42 pound, allegedly portable fist. Watch as it magically [[W:screen saver|saves this screen]]. The screen is saved, man. This thing's gonna last like 50 years! ===Myths and legends (145)=== '''Strong Bad''': Mysterious Myths or Legendary Legends? Isn't that a show on one of those channels up in the high hundreds? Ya know, like between the CG Dinosaur Channel and the Homes with Rollercoasters in Them Network? ===Candy product (149)=== '''Strong Bad''': Why is it athletes are the only ones with their own candy bars? Shouldn't they have their own brand of, like, [[W:jockstrap|jockstrap]] or divorce lawyer instead? <Hr width=“50% “/> '''Marshie''': [as a “gaseous cloud of marshmallow vapor”] ''YOU CAN’T DESTROY ME!'' ===Alternate universe (150)=== *'''Strong Bad''': Whoa! Where am I? *'''Strong Badman''': STINY! We have a visitor from an alternate universe! *'''Strong Bad''': It's Strong Badman! And his well drawn abs! But... why are we in a crappy apartment instead of a secret underground lair... filled with secret underground gadgets? *'''Strong Badman''': Because mere mortal... this apartment… IS [[W:rent control|RENT CONTROLLED]]! And... water's included. *'''Strong Bad''': Is that why all your faucets are running? *'''Strong Bad''': MU-HU-HA-HA-HAH! Those dimwits down at the public works won't know what hit them! *'''Strong Badman''': So, that's your evil plan? To waste water? *'''Strong Bad''': And not pay for it!! ===Theme song (155)=== [[File:Flag of Ontario.svg|thumb|Oooh, a little south of the border flavor.]] *'''Strong Bad''': “Dear Super Bad, It bugs me how your email show doesn't have a theme song. If it did have a theme song, your show would be a whole lot cooler. Jonathan SHA-HEEEN! [Shaheen], [[w:Ontario|Onté-rio, Kana-DAH]].” Oooh, a little south of the border flavor. Dear Supper Bag, It bugs me how your face doesn't have a not tons of [[W:acne|acne]]. If it did have a not tons of acne, ''you'' would be a whole lot cooler. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': Theme songs are just an excuse for showmakers to make less show. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Commercial narrator''': Do you make butt at your current job? Do you want to make twice butt? A shady online degree is just four clicks away at CGNU online e-niversity. Most colleges take four years to complete. At CGNU, one year equals one click. *'''Senor [sic] Cardgage''': I got fourteen degrees while on my lunch take [sic]. Now I can legally prescribe marriages in the state of Kansattica. *'''Commercial narrator''':Enroll now, and join the e-niversity e-volution e-day. Uh, well, today. That last one didn't quite work out. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': You see, SHA-HEEN? You're basically asking me to dedicate 2 minutes of my 3 to 5 minute email show, to what is essentially a commercial for something you're already watching! ===Road trip (156)=== '''Strong Bad''': Every good road trip needs a good inside joke that only the people that went on the road trip will get. And your friends that didn't go on the road trip will want to... kill your... legs... every time you bring it up. <Hr width=“50% “/> *''[Strong Bad and the Cheat are trapped in their [[W:AMC Gremlin|AMC Gremlin]]]'' *'''Strong Bad''': [deliriously] Look at that little stain over there! That could be a whole 'nother world. With a whole 'nother Strong Bad and The Cheat stuck in a Gremlin. ===Trading cards (157)=== *'''Strong Bad''': Daniel, trading cards are the biggest waste of not a video game on the planet! In fact, I thought trading cards were outlawed the day they invented good graphics. As for that "gum" that comes with them, I'm pretty sure they replaced that with a pink piece of [[W:balsa wood|balsa wood]] back in the early '80s and nobody ever noticed. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': First up is Coach Z's line of vaguely sportsish managerial cards. What self-respecting twelve-year-old doesn't want to collect pictures of the smelly old men behind their favorite sports teams? And who could resist memorizing all these fabulous stats? Ooh, a record high 23 butt pats in '84! *'''Homestar Runner''': And, who do you think was the lucky recipient of all those [wiggles his rear end] butt pats 'cept a one? *'''Strong Bad''': Let me guess, it— *'''Homestar Runner''': No, it was me. It was like I was made to hustle that season. *'''Strong Bad''': So, who got that last butt pat? *'''Homestar Runner''': Oh, I think he gave himself that one. He's re-known for his self-butt pats. *'''Strong Bad''': Yeah, [[W:sex offender registry|“known” in seven states]]. ===Coloring (160)=== *'''Strong Bad''': “Dear awesome"… Oh! Somebody finally got it right! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': Marzipan, what kind of cult are you running here? *'''Marzipan''': Oh, a pretty standard one. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Marzipan''': Anyway, we don't use the term "Skin Flesh". The color you're looking for is "Dermal Discoveries". *'''Strong Bad''': What's that scramble?! What about Lipstick Red? *'''Marzipan''': No, no, no. Too gender-specific. We use "Crimson Suggestion". *'''Strong Bad''': Well, how 'bout Hairspray Blond? *'''Marzipan''': "Vague Pigmentation"! *'''Strong Bad''': Leather Black? *'''Marzipan''': We just call that "Blue". ===4 branches (161)=== *'''Rumble Red''': But, Earthling, they don't have polymascotfoamalate on ''my'' planet. Eh, rumble. *'''The Homestar Runner''': That's 'cause you're a [[Communism|Communest]] [sic] fool, Red! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Singers''': Polymascotfoamalate! *'''The Homestar Runner''': Feed it to the babies. * '''Singers''': Polymascotfoamalate! *'''Old-timey Strong Bad''': Or as a topping on Soured Cream! ===What i want [sic] (163)=== [[File:2023 Ozdoby choinkowe.jpg|thumb|There's no better way to say, "I have no idea what your interests are" than to give someone a present that ceases to be useful the moment it's opened.]] '''Strong Bad'''“: Dear Strong Bad: What do you want for Decemberween? Your holiday spirit, Talon Jendro.” Where'd you get that name? [[George Lucas]]? “Ta'lon J'en-dr'o from the computery generated planet of [[W:Des Moines, IA|Des' Moi-nes'ia]].” Anyways, everybody knows the kind of stuff I want, Ta'lon. A catapult that launches balls of cobras, chainsaw car, subscription to [[W:EGM2|EGM2]], hot step-sister. That email writes itself. It's more important that I establish what I ''don't'' want for Decemberween. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': Our first item is a perennial all-star of bad awful Decemberween presents: the ornament. *'''Marzipan''': There's no better way to say, "I have no idea what your interests are" than to give someone a present that ceases to be useful the moment it's opened. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': Our last gift items are all about the false notion that just because you made something yourself, it's not a worthless piece of crap. *'''Marzipan''': These seashells have office supplies hot-glued to them for absolutely no reason. *'''Strong Bad''' Yes, and the more globs of hot glue I can see, the quicker I throw it in the trash. *'''Marzipan''': This clothespin reindeer ornament is forgettably precious. *'''Strong Bad''' Whoa, homemade ''and'' an ornament. That thing is an anti-gift. If someone gives you one of those, you actually have to pay ''them'' because it's so poor. Uh, probably because ''they're'' so poor. ===Looking old (164)=== [[File:Ricky stenhouse jr. (52261201953).jpg|thumb|Sup my young parsons, I too am [[w:gogurt|so on the go that I drink my yogurt from a tube]].]] *'''Strong Bad''': “Dear Strong Bad, you really do look old, how old are you anyways? Your faithful fan, Andy, H-S-I-A-O [Hsiao] and sometimes Y, from [[Taiwan]].” Look Andyman, my age is a closely guarded secret, protected by a sect of closely guarded monks high atop the Coches Mountains. They would no sooner dance with a goat than divulge my age. But they will bake you some crustly guarded bread! Anyways, whattaya mean I look old? Are you telling me the nightly [[W:nacho cheese|nacho cheese]] [[w:facial treatment|masks]] aren't working? <hr width="50%"/> *'''Strong Bad''': Now what I need is an image overhaul. Something to reconnect me with the youth of today. Something that says— "Sup my young parsons [sic], I too am [[w:gogurt|so on the go that I drink my yogurt from a tube]]". <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Bubs''': We could try [[Apple Inc.|iStrong, or iBad]]... *'''Strong Bad''': We already tried that with lowercase "e"s back in the late '90s. [[W:dot com bubble|We all know where that got us]]. ===Rough copy (170)=== '''Strong Bad''': Man, that kid was going to have so few pants on after we got done suing them off him. And now he's gonna strut around all on-panted waving his pant-covered legs in our faces. <Hr width=“50% “/> '''Strong Bad''': Our case is air-tight. Why stop at pants? We could probably sue that black zip-up hoodie off him now too! ===More armies (172)=== *'''The King of Town''': The drive... the power... the skills... the motivation... the power again... the fortitude... the strive... the ideals... the list of attributes... the Municipality. Honor. Valor. Buttor. [sic] ===Mini-golf (174)=== *'''Strong Bad''': “Someone no-one cares about in [[Iowa]]”, also known as “everyone, in Iowa”. <Hr width=“50% “/> [[File:Blue water2.jpg|thumb|That stuff's just begging for kids to either drink it or pee in it... or worse... ''both''.]] *'''Strong Bad''': Strong Badia doesn't have a place of its own, so when we need to get our tiny golf on, we usually head over to Sweet Puttin' Cakes. And yes, it's every bit as messed up as [[#Crazy cartoon (72)|the cartoon on which it's based]]. In fact, we don't even know how to get there. It's just like, one minute you're thinking about miniature golf... *[Cut to Strong Bad and the cheat in the former’s basement.] *'''Strong Bad''': You know what I love? The smell of that rubber handle on the putters, that you know like a thousand other... people… ''have… touuuuuuuuuuuuched…'' [audio slows to a crawl] *[fade to black] *'''Strong Bad''': [voiceover] ...and the next minute, you're there. *'''Strong Bad''': [appears in Sweet Puttin’ Cakes] Woah! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': And yes, even in this infernal place, you can't escape the blue family recreation water! That stuff's just begging for kids to either drink it or pee in it... or worse... ''both''. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Homestar Runner''': [emerges from the “blue family recreation water”] Whoo! I didn't find my ball, but I did see some exotic marine life! *'''Strong Bad''': Homestar, all that's down there is cigarette butts. *'''Homestar Runner''': And... a bra. *'''Strong Bad''': Sweet! ===Hygiene (176)=== [[File:ISO 7010 M011.svg|thumb|Hygiene is defined as "how close people are willing to stand next to you".]] *'''Strong Bad''': Fifth grade boys?! Man, what happened to the hot college girls that used to email me? You ladies stop your be-pantied pillowfighting and drop me a line! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': Hygiene is defined as "how close people are willing to stand next to you". ===Bike thief (178)=== *'''Strong Bad''': “Hey Strong Bad, I'm at college and I need to keep my bike from being stolen. I figure if I think like a thief, I can figure out how to protect it. So, how would you try to steal my bike? Virginia, [[Michigan|M.I.]]” Oh, not smart enough for [[Massachusetts Institute of Technology|MIT]], huh? Just M.I.? <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': That's how I'd do it, College Bike Owner. So keep away from shrubbery, don't talk to anyone with a clipboard, and avoid putting your bike on the roof of glass skyscrapers. ===Slumber party (180)=== *'''Strong Bad''': According to Coolguy's Law, the popularity of the host is inversely proportional to the amount of fun you can have at their house. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Homestar Runner''': What did you say the name of this family card game was again, Strong Bad? *'''Strong Bad''': This is called Find The Load Bearer. You never played this before? *'''Homestar Runner''': No. Find The Load Bearer, Bed Axe, I never heard of any of these games we're playing. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': Whoa! Jackpot! Blood Bleeder, Head Chopper 2, Scab Wars, Blistergeist? Most of these things have been taken off the market! *'''Homestar Runner''': Oh. Those are off-limits. We're only allowed to play Clapping Party. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': But if you're looking for a guaranteed good time, you need to get invited to an OLDER KID'S slumber party. Anything goes at those things! *''[Cut to Coach Z’s locker room]'' *'''Bubs''': My cousin Louis, he's dead. My cousin Harold, he's dead. *'''Coach Z''': And my back still hurts. And my knees still hurt. And my head still hurts. *'''The King of Town''': Government ain't right! Government ain't right! *'''Bubs'''So : my [[W:escrow|escrow]] carried over into my [[W:lumbago|lumbago]], but then my [[W:sciatica|sciatica]] started acting up. *'''Strong Bad''': Uh, can you guys start using some words that were invented after the year nineteen-oh-zero? *'''The King of Town''': Come now, young whipper-snapper. My fellows and I were just about to start playing at games of chance! *'''Strong Bad''': Lemme guess. That doesn't include Bed Axe. *''[cut back to Strong Bad at his computer]'' *'''Strong Bad''': Uh, you might wanna put a cap on what you define as "older kids." <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': Other than that, you can always look forward to endlessly ridiculing the kid that got picked up early 'cause he misses his mom. Strong Sad used to do that when we'd have slumber parties in our own basement! *'''Strong Sad''': That only happened once! *'''Strong Bad''': Uh-huh... *'''Strong Sad''': A week... *'''Strong Bad''': Keep going. *'''Strong Sad''': For ten years... *'''Strong Bad''': There you go! ===Web comic (181)=== [[File:Sprite comic example.svg|thumb|If you can't draw, never fear, just steal some graphics from your favorite video game, and add yet another unlicensed [[W:sprite comic|pixel comic]] to the overcrowded, overstunk landfill of web comics.]] *'''Strong Bad''': [Webcomics are] all about video games, gamernerds, webgeeks, dorknerds, gamewads, nerdgames, webwebs, and elves. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': Another approach is to just ask for input from your viewers and rip that off for content. [turns around to face the camera] Pfff. What a cop-out. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': Borgorroth of Coolswordorroth shimmies for no man! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': Or if you can't draw, never fear, just steal some graphics from your favorite video game, and add yet another unlicensed [[W:sprite comic|pixel comic]] to the overcrowded, overstunk landfill of web comics. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': Everyone knows that putting “web” in front of words automatically makes them crappier. Just look what happened to “[[W:webpage|pages]]”, and “[[W:webcam|cams]]”, and “[[Blogging|logs]]”. And who could forget the fall of the mighty “[[W:webisode|isode]]”. Ohh, so tragic. ===Yes, wrestling (183)=== [[File:Christopher Daniels 1.jpg|thumb|Being an awesome wrestler has nothing to do with awesome wrestling moves! It’s all about awesome costumes, gimmicks, and dinosaur tranquilizer fueled ranting and raving.]] *'''Strong Bad''': Well, Gardenboy, as a crafty ring veteran, I can let you in on a little secret. Being an awesome wrestler has nothing to do with awesome wrestling moves! It’s all about awesome costumes, gimmicks, and dinosaur tranquilizer fueled ranting and raving. I got my first big break with cable access’ longest named wrestling organization, All World Mid-Pro Shirtless Championship Entertainment or AWMPSCE. Of course they wanted me to be one of those lame masked wrestlers at first, but I have gimmickier plans. ===Diorama (184)=== *'''Strong Bad''': Dioramas shouldn't be wasted, Mollyman. This is probably the only school-approved opportunity to melt small plastic animals and shame our beloved literary characters that you're ever gonna get. I say embrace it! I say deface it!! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': Now let's talk about topics. If the assignment calls for a science diorama, just slap some glue on some cotton balls and ''bang!'' The effects of [[W:cumulonimbus|cumulonimbus]] clouds on sheep, snowmen, aaaand... cotton... balls. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': The easiest way to get around reading an actual book is to make one up yourself! I can't tell you how many dioramas I got out of The King Of Town's Adventures in Giant Cockroachland! Books one through seven. Though with the Internet, it's probably easier for teachers to check your sources than in my day. To get away with that now, you'd also have to make a fake website for the book, and the author, and the publisher, and just to be safe, maybe go ahead and actually write the book. Man, it’s gotten so hard to cheat these days! ===Nightlife (185)=== *'''Strong Sad''': Strong Bad, are you putting on body spray? *'''Strong Bad''': Shut up! Guys don't wear body spray. This is uh... the blood... of slain... warrior... mammoths. <hr width="50%"/> *'''Strong Mad''': ''[“reading” fast food bag]'' YOU'RE NOT ON THE LIST! *'''Strong Bad''': The list?! You're looking at a greasy bag of fast food! *'''Strong Mad''': DON'T BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF! ''[laughs]'' *'''Strong Bad''': Wait, what? Strong Mad, did you just make a ''joke''?! <hr width="50%"/> *'''Marzipan''': You don't look like you're having very much fun, Strong Sad. *'''Strong Sad''': Oh I'm having a great time. This is my favorite club to go to, and not dance. Sometimes I'll even think about dancing, and then not dance. And if I'm feeling really crazy, I'll actually get out on the dance floor, and bust some fresh not-dancing. *'''Marzipan''': Then how about I start busting some fresh not-hanging-out-with-you. <hr width="50%"/> *'''Strong Bad''': ''[voiceover]'' And at some point during the night, we all get "treated" to Coach Z attempting to [[W:freestyle rap|freestyle]]. *'''Coach Z''': One two one two, 'bout to freestyle... One, two? One two? *'''Strong Bad''': ''[voiceover]'' I mean... count to two over and over again. ===Winter pool (187)=== *'''Gel-Arshie''': I'M AN ABOMINATION! And I'm comin' to your house after school! *'''Strong Bad''': ''[voiceover]'' Y'know, I really think those Marshie commercials ought to be rated [[W:NC-17|NC-17]]. ''[caption appears in the top left corner, reading "NC-17, Needlessly Creepy times 17"]'' ===Licensed (190)=== *'''Strong Bad''': The true sign of being famous is in the unlicensed stuff! And we're all over that! In fact, we've got our own application process for becoming an officially licensed unlicensed seller of Strong Bad and The Cheat knock-offs. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': The main requirements are that the country of manufacture has changed name five times since I was in seventh grade; that you sell your wares from a blanket; that you always refer to the selling of our items as "numba [sic] one bargain!"; and that one of us has to have a human nose. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': Just as I suspected! Totally legit looking stuff! Where are the human noses? The misspellings? The choking hazards? *'''Bubs''': That's the kind of stuff I usually sell at the concession stand. This is the black market, man! *'''Strong Bad''': So, wait a minute. Your shady bootleg operation peddles quality goods, while your legal store front sells dangerous crap? *'''Bubs''': Exactly. I got a repatation to uphold! ===Buried (191)=== *'''Strong Sad''': I think that's just the cap of a bottle of Cold Ones Dry. You could probably just pick it up. *'''Strong Bad''': What, are you crazy? I'm not touching that thing! It's booby trapped! It'll shoot a bunch of poison-tipped witch doctors at me! <Hr width=“50% “/> '''Strong Bad''': Quit ruining my ruins, [[Jurassic Park (film)|Jurassic Dork]]! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Bubs''': [shows up with numerous barrels of toxic waste] Anyways, I'm here for my weekly, Ahem, "delivery". *'''Strong Bad''':Yeah, yeah, just bury it wherever. But if you uncover any ruins, or hot aliens, or riches, they're mine, OK? *'''Bubs''': Uh, what about fellas named Rich? *'''Strong Bad''': Wha-what? No, I don't know anyone named Rich. *'''Bubs''': OK, good. ''Then he can stay where he is''. *'''Strong Sad''': Uh, is there anyway I can unhear the last few sentences? Or years of my life? ===Rated (193)=== [[File:Triple-R rating.png|thumb|In triple R -rated movies, you can show bullets go all the way through people! In the front, through their guts and organs and breakfast and RIGHT OUT the BACK! That is nasty, man!]] '''Strong Bad''': The only thing better than [[W:R-rated|R-rated]] movies are double and triple R-rated movies! Let me break down the subtle differences for you. In an R-rated movie, the good guy only blows people up in self-defense. But double R -rated movies are allowed to blur the line! Man, I saw this one double R-rated movie, where the good guy stepped on this rabbit, and he didn't kill it, but then later on in the movie, he wished he did! The GOOD GUY! That's messed up, man! You can't let kids watch that kind of thing! Then in triple R -rated movies, you can show bullets go all the way through people! In the front, through their guts and organs and breakfast and RIGHT OUT the BACK! That is nasty, man! <Hr width=“50% “/> '''Strong Bad''': Only three have ever been made: ''Women's Penitentiary Bakesale Nightmare'', The ''Fists of Knuckles'' series, and ''Axe-Gun: Legends of the Brain-Outener''. They even banned those movies in [[W:Transylvania|Transylvania]], where you're required by law to eat puppies for breakfast. And even if a theater were showing it, which ours conveniently is, you gotta be like sixty-something years old just to buy tickets. ===Specially marked (194)=== [[File:Flag of Iowa.svg|thumb|The first hazard to watch out for are cereals that include anything grown in [[Iowa]] in the name. You know— corn, wheat, oats, hogs, fundamentally-sound college basketball players. Please, stay away from these.]] *'''Strong Bad''': Well before you get the toys inside, you first have to navigate the treacherous, jaggedy rock filled class 5 rapids of specially marked cereal box fake outs! Luckily, I'm a lame sandal wearing hippie with a ponytail that's been down these rapids with groups of tourists many times! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': The first hazard to watch out for are cereals that include anything grown in [[Iowa]] in the name. You know— corn, wheat, oats, hogs, fundamentally-sound college basketball players. Please, stay away from these. Those cereals only ever put fitness-related crap in specially marked boxes. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': You know what kind of toys I'd put in specially marked boxes? […] Anything heavy and pointy enough to do lasting damage to the face. ===Love poems (195)=== [[File:Candle light, pillar candle.jpg|thumb|Your eyes, they flicker like a Sandalwood Sage Sunset. Your hair flows like Fresh Cotton Linens hung to dry on the deck. Grandma's Apple Cinnamon Spice is the scented candle I would use to describe your mouth. And your nose: like an unscented emergency candle for when the power goes out.]] [[File:Trifolium sp., Adana 01.jpg|thumb|Tis ne'er e'er o'er m'lo'er o' clo'er.]] '''Strong Bad''': Did you know that writing love poems is as easy as telling a girl she's hot with the fance-pantsiest words you can think of? For poetic inspiration, I like to swipe the names of scented candle fragrances! “''Your eyes, they flicker like a Sandalwood Sage Sunset. Your hair flows like Fresh Cotton Linens hung to dry on the deck. Grandma's Apple Cinnamon Spice is the scented candle I would use to describe your mouth. And your nose: like an unscented emergency candle for when the power goes out.''” <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': Another way of fancying up a love poem is to replace random letters in the middle of words with apostrophes. "It is never ever over, my lover of clover" becomes "'Tis ne'er e'er o'er m'lo'er o' clo'er". *'''Coach Z''': ''[suddenly leans in]'' Now you're sporkin' my language! *'''Strong Bad''': Get out! ===being mean (199)=== '''Strong Bad:''' Oh, wait. Being mean is the best choice there, too. Look, this is clearly not a job for me, Nice Dad. (Translation: Uncool Dad) But when it comes to teaching kids about behavior and choices and various other words from parenting books, there’s only one place to look for answers: the drama club! ===Hremail 3184 (201)=== '''Strong Bad:''' “Dear Strong Bad, What was the coolest explosion you ever saw? From Kelly, [[USA|Ūsa]].” Mmmm! An exotic lady from the far east! That's kind of a vague question don'tcha think? That's like me asking, "Dear Kelly, what's your favorite molecule of air that you've breathed?" Or "What's your favorite Strong Bad muscle that you wanted to rub with hot oils?" You gotta narrow it down somehow. Like, do you wanna know about the coolest looking explosion I ever rigged up in Strong Sad's org-ethnic breakfast pouch on a Tuesday? <Hr width=“50% “/> '''Strong Bad''': Everybody knows that the more spit it takes to describe an explosion, the cooler said explosion was. And the cooler said explosion-talker-abouter is! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Sad''': Well, you know, Announcerman, that's right! All you gophers out there better listen up! The Magnificent Marzipan stole all Gardenboy's garden tools! And I don't care if she's the women's champion, men's champion, the half-woman half-man's champion, bu- Do we have one of those? *'''Announcerman''': Er, yes, I believe we do. *'''Strong Sad''': Well, can I fight them instead? ===Imaginary (202)=== *'''Strong Bad''': “Dear. Streer. Beer. My brother had a friend over today and he drove me crazy!! What should I do about it? Crudfully, Henry Wisner, ''[[Wisconsin|why?]]''” “Crudfully”? Really? What, was your mom sitting over your shoulder when you typed this email? And is your mom the kind of lady that won't let you type the word “crap”? Don't get me wrong, I still woulda made fun of you if you had typed “crapfully”, I prolly would have just left your moms out of it. ===Independent (203)=== *'''Strong Bad''': Independent films are called that for a reason: they are independent of anything good. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Sad''': I minored in holding on wide shots for too long! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': [An indie film director will] spend his 30-million dollar budget trying as hard as he can to make it look like he only spent a few hundred thousand. The first step is to spend millions on a hand-drawn title sequence that looks like it was made by some Junior High kid during Pre-Algebra. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': The title of the movie is either two of the cleverly named main characters, or the city and state in which it takes place. Ooh, in fact, just call it "city, comma, state". <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': an indie film's plot is pretty much the same as any summer blockbuster, but just switch out any mention of the word "space" with the word, "small factory town", replace "aliens" with "quirky, dysfunctional family", And replace "voyage" with... "journey". ===Videography (205)=== *'''Strong Bad''': Hopefully that will be enough to keep your wife from wondering why her video media technologist husband wasn't smart enough to think of putting a video camera on a tripod across the room and press record. But you could probably also get away with just putting a label that says "WEDDIN [sic] TAPE" on a VHS cassette since none-out-of-none couples actually ever watch their wedding video. Unless of course a baby drops an f-bomb, somebody pukes in their toupee, or Grandmaw Auntpaw rolls down the stairs in her wheelchair. In which case you simply post it online and turn it into internet gold! And I can definitely arrange for some of that stuff to happen at your wedding, if you enlist my services as an "event coordinator." ===The next april fool’s thing (208)=== *'''Strong Bad''': “Sincerely, Mollie B.” Oh, that is a waste of a perfectly good middle "B" initial, Mollie! Lemme fix that for ya! “Sincerely, Mollie B. Chowdwerworth Gruelmanger”. You know, of the Puntington Farms Gruelmangers. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': For motivation, I do what any great coach does, and berate myself until I get results or until I quit the team and press charges! *[Cut to Strong Bad shouting at himself in a mirror] *'''Strong Bad''': Chowderworth Gruelmanger?! You call that an overly-complicated old-timey last name?! That is bush-league, son! I am sick and tired of this crap! And [[W:Bobby Knight|I'm sick of losing to Purdue]]! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Homestar Runner''': Always be'sing and do'sing! And never cheesing or choosing! Always be'sing and do'sing! *'''Strong Bad''': Er... Homestar? *'''Homestar Runner''': And never cheesing or choosing! *'''Strong Bad''': Homestar! *'''Homestar Runner''': Yeah, what? *'''Strong Bad''': You're in my house. *'''Homestar Runner''': Yup. *'''Strong Bad''': Again. *'''Homestar Runner''': Yeppers. *'''Strong Bad''':: Aaand you brought a boulder. *'''Homestar Runner''': Not me. [[W:Plate tectonics|Plate tectonics]]. *'''Strong Bad''': What are you doin' in here, man?! *'''Homestar Runner''': Oh. Well, I heard you talking about motivation and inspiration, and I decided to brush off my old ABD's! *'''Strong Bad''': Umm, Aloud But Deadly? *'''Homestar Runner''': You don't know about the ABD's, Strong Bad? *''[long beat; electronic whine can be heard in the background]'' *'''Strong Bad''': ''[whispering]'' I'm just gonna stay silent in the hope that you won't tell me what it means. *'''Homestar Runner''': Always be'sing and do'sing! *'''Strong Bad''': You say that like it clarified anything. *'''Homestar Runner''': Rules for an inspired life, Strong Bad. No matter what you do, or where you are, always be's be'sing and do'sing. *'''Strong Bad''': So you started a cult. *'''Homestar Runner''': Yeah, kinda. For instance, I am currently be'sing on this boulder, and I am do'sing an ABD workshop with you. *'''Strong Bad''': Oh, okay. Then I am be'sing full of rage, and do'sing a roundhouse kick to your face! *'''Homestar Runner''': Nooope, nope nope, that was some prime choosing you committed right there. Did you see it? *'''Strong Bad''': Wait, what's wrong with choosing?! *'''Homestar Runner''': Cheesing and choosing. The antithesis of be'sing and do'sing! If you're choosin', you're losin'. *'''Strong Bad''': Just because something rhymes doesn't mean it's good life advice! *'''Homestar Runner''': Ah! And that's a perfect example of cheesing! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Homestar Runner''': Changin' attitudes with rhymin' platitudes! ===Parenting (209)=== '''Strong Bad''': And so Mike Morkleson— I-I don't know if that's your last name but you just seem like a real Morkleson —thus ended my brief foray into the soirée of fatherhood. I've distilled it all down into 3 main points, so you can remember: Number one: Babies are totally boring for the first nine months. Give to Grandma. 2. Keep a drawer full of useless keys and TV remotes for some reason. And number 3. That much ballyhooed 'new baby smell' people are always talking about, it just smells like crap! Babies just smell like crap! You just get used to it!! Don't let 'em fool you! It's not a good smell! BABIES SMELL LIKE CRAAAAAAAP! ==Teen Girl Squad== [[File:Gilbert Stuart Williamstown Portrait of George Washington.jpg|thumb|Woot.]] ''Note: the series is a show-within-a-show. All the characters are “voiced” by Strong Bad'' *'''The girls''': ''[Repeated line]'' SOOOOO GOOD! ===Issue 1=== *'''Narrator''': ARROWED!!! ===Issue 3=== *'''So and So''': Before we shop, how about some PAN-ASIAN CUISINE? *'''The Ugly One''': Three [[W:spring roll|spring rolls]], please. *''[chef throws spring rolls at The Ugly One]'' *'''Chef''': [[W:MSG|MSG]]'D!! *'''The Ugly One''': Ow! My stomach lining! ===Issue 4=== *'''What’s Her Face''': When you fall in a bottomless pit, you die of starvation. <hr width="50%"/> *'''Narrator''': ''[in a sinister tone as possums approach]'' '''Possummmms...''' ===Issue 5=== *'''The Ugly One''': [thinking] I hope nobody cool or famous is staring at me. *[ [[George Washington]], [[Abraham Lincoln|Abe Lincoln]], and [[Henry Rollins]] appear and point at The Ugly One.] *'''George Washington''': Look, look at that girl. *'''So and So''': She's my friend, but not my best. [beat] Now who wants to tandem parasail with me? *'''George Washington''': Woot. *'''Abe Lincoln''': Woot. *'''Henry Rollins''': Woot. ===Issue 7=== *'''Toddler What’s her Face''': I can count to G! *'''Toddler Cheerleader''': That's nothing. I can count to purple backwards! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Toddler What’s her Face''': Here comes Tompkins. *'''Tompkins''': Listen up, you undapants! Who wants to get hogtied, and pushed down, into, some snakewater? *'''Toddler The Ugly One''' Tompkins, how do you be so short? *'''Tompkins''': Heck, I'm taller than you. *'''The girls''': TOMPKINS MADE A SWEAR!!! *'''Tompkins''': Waaaahh! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Toddler What’s her Face''': Tompkins crinkled when he walked. *'''Toddler So and So''': Poor guy never made it out of training pants. ===Issue 9=== *'''Cheerleader''': Okay, my art galleries, let's get ready to be... *'''The girls''': SOOOOO DEAD! ===Issue 10=== [[File:The WB Network logo.svg|thumb|I don't think I can stomach another show not on [[W:the WB|the WB]].]] *'''The Ugly One''': So... who wants to come to my sweet someteen birthday bash tonight? *'''What’s Her Face''': Is it going to be [[W:Nick at Nite|Nick at Nite]] themed again? *'''So and So''': I don't think I can stomach another show not on [[W:the WB|the WB]]. *'''Cheerleader''': No! We can't come. We have... the... [[Olympic Games|Olympics]]... tonight! *'''The Ugly One''': Oh, cuz it's a boy/girl party... *'''Cheerleader and So and So''': a B'GRL PRTY?!? *'''What’s Her Face''': Taking the vowels out of words doesn't always make them cool. *'''So and So''': 'm srry. <Hr width=“50% “/> '''Narrator''': [[W:pwned|Puh-owned]]! Or however you say that... <Hr width=“50% “/> '''Strong Sad''': [after catching Strong Bad making out with a picture of The Ugly One] Uh, Strong Bad, were you just [[W:baseball metaphors for sex|first-basin' it]] with that piece of loose-leaf?! ===Issue 12=== *'''Cheerleader''': ''[to So and So]'' Shut yer plaid skirted face! Here comes a boy! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''The Ugly One''': Owww! My the fact that I was alive a second ago! *'''So and So''': I'll notify her next of... uh... fruit cup. ''[to fruit cup]'' I'm so sorry to have to tell you this... *'''Cheerleader''': Stop talking to fruit! Valentimes ''[sic]'' is serious times! *'''So and So''': -tines. *'''Cheerleader''': What? *'''So and So''': Valen-TINES!! T-I-N— ''[So and So is run over by a [[W:formula 1|formula 1]] car driven by [[W:tine (structural)|a fork]]]'' *'''Cheerleader''': As I was saying, Vamlumtime's ''[sic]'' Day is serious times. ===Issue 13=== '''Momkins''': Listen, I'll be at a place until a time, my cell phone number is some numbers, the baby needs stuff, what’s poison control? Punch Tompkins in the gut, good luck. SHE GONE! <Hr width=“50% “/> '''So and So''': [Holding up a book called "<s>urban legends</s> i mean health class" [sic]] Don't you remember health class?! YOU’LL MICROWAVE THE BABY!! ===Issue 15=== [[File:Vocaloid + HRP-4C Miim collaboration (clip), Yamaha booth, CEATEC JAPAN 2009.jpg|thumb|You'd think I'd be into life-size, realistic robots, but that thing makes me wanna barf up my earlier energy drink into the one I'm currently drinking.]] *'''Cheerleader''': Oh my grash, gals! Guess who just got a date for the priggidy prizom?! *'''What’s Her Face''': I'm a little rusty on my white girl gangsta. Does that mean you're dating a pretty prism? *'''So and So''': No no, that's the name of this year's prom. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Japanese Culture Greg''': Come on Chizuko, we're too cool for the prom anyway. *'''Chizuko''': Welcome, American investor, to [[ W:Consumer electronics show|2005 Consumer Robotics]] Show! *'''Sci-fi Greg''': You'd think I'd be into life-size, realistic robots, but that thing makes me wanna barf up my earlier energy drink into the one I'm currently drinking. *''[Chizuko vaporizes Japanese Culture Greg]'' *'''Narrator''': [[W:UNCANNY VALLEY|UNCANNY VALLEY]]'D! *'''Japanese Culture Greg''': THIS IS A DREAM COME TRUE! ==Marzipan’s Answering Machine== ===Version 2.0=== *'''Strong Bad''': Uh, yes, hello there Mrs. Pan. This is, uh, Detective Everybody down here at the station. And um, and we got your boyfriend Homestar down here and, uh, he's dead. Beca— we killed him, because he was so stupid that we had to shoot him, to keep h-him from being even more stupid. So if you wanna come down and I.D. the body, there's not much left... we put about 37 slugs in him, eh-and things don't look too good. Uh, so if you could come down we would appreciate it, right now, um, to come look at your dead boyfriend. ''[cracking up]'' Okay, have a good day. ===Version 17.2=== [[File:Planking in a kitchen.jpg|thumb|Etched into the halls of history!]] [[File:OUYA-Console-set-h.png|thumb|Written in [[W:Sharpie|Sharpie]] on the bathroom wall of history!]] [[File:Jeremy Lin Adidas (cropped).jpg|thumb|Carved into the tree trunk of history!]] [[File:Google Glass photo.JPG|thumb|Blinking photographs into the profile pics of history!]] *'''Strong Bad''': Oh dang! Oh dang muffins! Oh dang muffins pie! OH DANG MUFFINS PIE À LA MODE! This is gonna be the best April Fools' Day prank call ever! Now you're sure the science is sound? The battle axes and [[W:cheese whizz|Cheez Wheezes]] will actually get through the phone lines? *'''The Cheat''': ''[gibberish]'' *'''Strong Bad''': Oh... [[W:fiber optics|fiber optics]]... makes sense, makes sense... <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Homestar Runner''': Oh, man, Marzipan! Have you heard about the new internet craze, [[W:planking (fad)|planking]]? It is gonna be around forever, and I'm gonna be doing it forever! Etched into the halls of history! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': ''[smoothly]'' Good afternoon, Mrs. Pan. This is Vince Napmaker from public radio's "The World is my Butt". We wanted to call you to thank you for being a continued supporter of public radio. But we wanted to ask you if you'd be willing to increase your support. Every dollar counts. Do you have any idea how much it costs to act like you're this much better than everyone else? And furthermore, our uppity podcasts aren't going to create themselves. So please, as always, for the sake of tote bags everywhere, put a bunch of cash in a paper and/or plastic bag and leave it on the doorstep. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Homestar Runner''': Oh man, Marzipan. [[W:Kickstarter|Kickstarter]] sensation the [[W:Ouya|Ouya]], they're gonna make games for that thing for the rest of eternity! Mark my words, every game that comes out from now until the end of time will also come out on the Ouya. Gonna outlive [[W:Sony|Sony]], [[Nintendo]], [[W:Coleco|Coleco]], Canseco<ref>There is no such company; however there was formerly a [[W:Conseco inc.|Conseco]], now known as CNO Financial Group.</ref>, [[W:Jaleco|Jaleco]], all of the heavy hitters. Anyways, I can't wait to be playing Ouya games in fifteen years, or even like, five months! Written in [[W:Sharpie|Sharpie]] on the bathroom wall of history! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Homestar Runner''': Oh, man, Marzipan, I don't think I'm feeling so good. I think I've got a bad case of... [[W:Linsanity|Linsanity]]! Oh, man! Have you seen this kid? [[W:Jeremy Lin|Jeremy Lin]]! He can't be stopped! He's gonna score thirty points a game for the rest of his career! The [[W:Knicks|Knicks]] are never gonna let this guy go! Face of the franchise. I will never forget Linsanity. Carved into the tree trunk of history! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Sad''': Oh, hey Marzipan. It's Strong Sad. Uh, I've just been feeling really depressed, 'cause, because I haven't been acting very depressed. It used to be my thing, but I don't feel like I get to be sad and depressing anymore, like I used to. So I just want to kinda beef up my numbers in the sad and depressing column. So I may be leaving you some messages, you know sort of dark, inner demons, and that kind of thing. Should be fun. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': ''[robotically]'' Greetings, Marzipan. This is an automated call from Grody Lab Results, Incorporated. Your test results are: negative. *'''Strong Sad''': ''[in the background]'' Negative is ''good'' when you're talking about lab results! *'''Strong Bad''': ''[normal voice]'' Wait, what? Oh, ''[resumes speaking robotically]'' your test results are: positive. ''[normal voice]'' Are you sure? It sounds like I'm giving her good news. *'''Strong Sad''': I don't want to be party to this! *'''Strong Bad''': They should be less confusing. ''[robotically]'' Your test results are: terrible. And you're dying, or possibly already dead by the time you get this. If you want us to perform experimental surgery on you and, like, sew a llama head onto your existing head, please call back during regular putting-llama-heads-on-people hours and we will schedule an appointment. This prank call has not been my finest execution. Thank you and have a nice day. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Homestar Runner''': Oh man, Marzipan. Can you hear that? That is the majestic hush of a paradigm shift. That's right. Me and Pom Pom are waiting in line for our [[W:Google Glass|Google Glass]]! I can't wait to be like, lookin' through this thing! And like, seein' other things! I honestly can't remember how I lived my life yesterday, without Google Glass. These things are gonna change the way they build cities! I'm talkin' [[Jeff Bezos|Bezos]] segway style. Alright, I gotta go. It's almost me and Pom Pom's turn! Blinking photographs into the profile pics of history! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': ''[unconvincing “foreign” accent]'' Oh, yes, Marzipan. This is your foreign boyfriend, Rongardo Shavemybody. It's so nice to hear your voice again on machine of answers. I miss all the time we spent in foreign lands together, havin' exotic foods. I'm visiting your country now, and want you to come and meet with me. I hear there's a lovely little café in a place called Strong Badia. Would you go, please, and wait for me there? As is the custom of my people, I will be very late, and you should wait for a really long time. You will think that it is too long to be waiting, but I assure you is the custom of my payple ''[sic]'', and you don't want to be offending my payple, do you? Alright. I kiss you on both sides of your cheek and underneath your chin. As is the custom of... a-my PAYple. And now I bid you farewell in the most prime language of my country. [[W:Braunschweiger|Braunschweiger]]! ==Strong Bad’s Disc 4 of 12== ===[[W:FriendlyWare|FriendlyWare]]=== *'''Strong Bad''': All right, let's see, what else we got? "Eye & Hearing Test"? How'd they sneak that one onto the top menu? That should definitely be between, like, the Amortaninazation Calculator and like, Edgar's Checkbook Balance Blasta. ===[[W:World Games (video game)|World Games]]=== *'''Strong Bad''': "Enter your name." I gotta go with the number one world athletic champion, Loadpast. "Loadpast pick your country!" I see the very current nations of [[Soviet Union|U.S.S.R.]] and [[W:West Germany|West Germany]]. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': Whoa-ho-ho-ho! Nice wipeout! I did, like six 360s! That's like a... ''six-thrixty!'' <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': [Playing the “[[W:Bull Riding|Bull Riding]]” minigame] Whoa, palette swap! That is jarring. [twangy accent] In [[Texas]], we only see things in the taco seasoning spectrum. Who needs [[W:CMYK|CMYK]] when you can have... GMCJ? That's [[W:guacamole|guacamole]], [[W:mole (sauce)|mole]], [[W:cayenne|cayenne]] and [[W:jalapeño|jalapeño]]. ==Strongest Man in the World== *'''Homestar Runner''': Everybody loves the me! I'm a terrific athlete! ==The Homestar Runner Gets Something Stuck in his Craw== *'''Strong Bad''': ''[narrating a picture book]'' Strong Bad and his The Cheat rolled up and started talking smack. ''[in awkward monotone]'' "You look dumb and stuff! Doing yardwork is only for the loseriest of losers!" <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': "Ha ha ha ha! That guy is talking to a thing that's not a person!" cackled Strong Bad with sort of a nose. <hr width="50%"/> *'''Homestar Runner''': Bravo, Strong Bad. You simply must read one more. *'''Strong Bad''': Ohh, fine, fine. So I shall. How about The Strong Sad Wets Yonder Bed? *'''Strong Sad''': ''[leans in]'' There is no such kids' book! == The Best Decemberween Ever == *'''Strong Bad''': Okay, let's see what we got from Homestar here... *'''Homestar Runner''': Open it! Open it! That one's from me. It took me forever to pick it out! *'''Strong Bad''': What?! The [[Deep Impact]] DVD?! You got me this for like the last three years, man! *'''Homestar Runner''': I know! And you liked it so much, I decided to get it for you again! *'''Strong Bad''': Oh, man! This is the worst Decem— *'''Homestar Runner''': This is the best Decemberween ever! ==Flash is Dead!== *'''Strong Bad''': Now listen. I've got enough classic motion [[W:tweening|tweens]] and deprecated actions in ol' F-Sack here to last us at least six months until we can learn [[W:HTML5|HTML5]]. *'''Homestar Runner''': Ooh, I know what that stands for! Hyper-Text Markup Lotion! ''[holds up lotion]'' Let me poop a little bit out for you. ''Thbbt thbbt thbbt''. *'''Strong Bad''': Nope, nope, nope, [[W:the land of ten-thousand lakes|the land of ten-thousand nopes]]. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': Homestar, the death of Flash is equivalent to a giant meteor heading straight for the Earth! *'''Homestar Runner''': Oohhh, I got you. Sounds like somebody's asking for another heaping helping of... Deep Impact! Strong Bad, this is [[Morgan Freeman|Morgan]] [[The Shawshank Redemption|Shawshank]], I need you to hit that meteor with every [[W:Robert Duvall|Duvall]] you've got. *'''Strong Bad''': Never mind. I'll be in Bubs' fallout shelter if anybody needs me. Good luck with yourself, Homestar. *'''Homestar Runner''': [[W:I don't want to miss a thing|I don't want to miss a thing]]! *'''Strong Bad''': [[Armageddon (film)|Wrong movie]]. *'''Homestar Runner''': Wait, [[W:twin films|those were two different movies]]? But they both came out, like, [[w:1998 in film|the same summer]] even. <Hr width=“50% “/> [[File:Planetoid crashing into primordial Earth.jpg|thumb|HOPE n’ STUFF!]] *HOPE n’ STUFF! **”Tagline” to Deep Impact <Hr width=“50% “/> *Oh man! Oh dang man! **”Quote” from [[W:Jeffery Lyons|Jeffery Lyons]] on the cover of the Deep Impact DVD ==Bug in Mouth Disease== [[File:Shakespeare.jpg|thumb|And that's why come [[William Shakespeare|Shakespeare]] was so awesome.]] *'''TV narrator''': And that's why come ''[sic]'' [[William Shakespeare|Shakespeare]] was so awesome. *'''Strong Sad''': Oh! I see now. *'''Strong Bad''': Hey, [[W:Dairy Queen|Dairy Queen]]. *'''Strong Sad''': I already told you, I don't want to be called that any more! I made a mistake! *'''Strong Bad''': Oh, sorry, Dairy Queen. Anyways, look. I just thought you should know that all your underwears somehow ended up individually priced and labeled in an online auction. *'''Strong Sad''': Nobody buy the blue ones! ''[vacates the couch and runs out]'' *'''Strong Bad''': That was too easy. Now to settle down for the 24-hour Caleb Rentpayer marathon! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Tuxworth''': ''[on TV]'' Caleb, were you making a little tent out of my jacket? *'''Caleb''': ''[on TV]'' I am now! *'''Strong Bad''': Yeah, you make that little tent, Caleb! He's not the boss of you! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Bubs''': I've got terrible, terrible news, Homestar. *'''Homestar Runner''': Oh, no! Is it about the good times? *'''Bubs''': I'm afraid you've got no [[W:pancreas|pancreas]]. But I do happen to have [[W:Organ trade|a fresh one for sale]] right here! *'''Homestar Runner''': Bubs, are you an unethical quack? *'''Bubs''': The most quackinest! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Homestar Runner''': Strong Bad, I really need your help. *'''Strong Bad''': And I really need to find out who shot Caleb Rentpayer! *'''Homestar Runner''': Oh, that's easy. I did. *'''Strong Bad''': You-ka— w-wha? *'''Tuxworth''': ''[on TV]'' Homestar Runner... did you shoot Caleb? *'''Homestar Runner''': ''[on TV]'' I sure did. *'''Strong Bad''': You traitor! You shot my favorite TV show! ==Sickly Sam's Big Outing== *'''Announcer''': Listen up, short children! It's the Fluffy Puff Air-Puffed Sugar Delights Presents The Homestar Runner Progrum ''[sic]''! In ''a'' color! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''The Homestar Runner''': Now let's get you dressed to the five and three-quarterses. ''[puts a bow tie on Sickly Sam]'' *'''Sickly Sam''': I do believe you've spicked my span. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Sickly Sam''': ''[observing a hole in the boardwalk]'' What a pleasant hole. I can't say 'nough good things about this hole. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Old-Timey Strong Bad''': Curses, you bone-legged boob! I'll pump you generously full of lead, shot at high velocity out of my pistola so as to pierce the flesh! Or in your case, the burlap sack! ''[Sickly Sam grabs him and begins swallowing him, very slowly]'' Rrrah! I can't believe I'm being eaten! What a tragedy! I was supposed to sell you to the glue factory and whatnot! I can't believe I'm still being eaten! This is taking so much longer than I expected! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Old-Timey Strong Bad''': ''[after being eaten]'' Curses! All they've got in here is [[W:Parcheesi|Parcheesi]]! Can't a gentle-man ''[sic]'' at least get a game of, say, pole-dagger, or [[W:Polynesia|Polynesian]] [[W:Roulette|Roulette]]? What manner of uncivilized ribcage is this, anyways? ==Mr. Shmallow== *'''Mr. Shmallow''': Each delight is hand puffed with a blend of only the finest airs. Air-puffing is surely the future of eating ''delicious'' foodstuffs. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Mr. Shmallow''': Add open flames to create a ''flavor taste'' that will send you ''to the moon!'' <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Mr. Shmallow''': Look lively. LOOK LIVELY! *'''The Homestar Runner''': ''[watching Shmallow on TV]'' That monster's gonna give me nightmares. ==That a Ghost== *'''The Homestar Runner''': Guess what I read in the news-papper ''[sic]'' today. *'''Old-Timey Marzipan''': I can't guess. *'''The Homestar Runner''': I read that a ghost. *'''Old-Timey Marzipan''': You read that a ghost what? *'''The Homestar Runner''': I read that a ghost is. *'''Old-Timey Marzipan''': You read that a ghost is what? *'''The Homestar Runner''': I read that a ghost is here in town and there's a 27 cent ree-ward for its capture. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Old-Timey Strong Bad''': Says here in the news-papper ''[sic]'' that the encapturement of the new apparition garners top reward of 26 and one pennies. We could buy the monocle off [[John D. Rockefeller|Rockefeller's]] very eyeball with that kind of cash! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Old-Timey Strong Bad''': You're too late! The reward will be ours! I'll be marching around in gold pants in no time! *'''Old-Timey Marzipan''':: Where's the ghost? *'''Old-Timey Strong Bad''': Behold! The fantoustic ''[sic]'' phantasm. *'''The Homestar Runner''': That's no ghost. That's just our worst friend Sickly Sam. *'''Sickly Sam''': I bury myself alive on Tuesdays. *'''Old-Timey Strong Bad''': Criminy crickets! Foiled again! ==Meet Marshie== *'''Marshie''': Stuff some in your pockets for ''SEEECRET EATING!!!'' <hr width=“50% “/> *'''Marshie''': Now try new Fluffy Puff All-Marshmallow Mayonnaise. [in a bizarre, creepy high-pitched whisper] ''Made from the be-e-e-st stuuuuuff~'' <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Homestar Runner''': I hate that freakin' marshmallow. ==Malloween Commercial== *'''Marshie''': ''[crying backstage]'' WHAT MORE DO THEY WANT?! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': I thought you said you were the star of this one. *'''Homestar Runner''': Oh, right. I made that up. But I did get to keep this cool eyeball. Seeeee! Seeee! *'''Strong Bad''': What are you doing!? *'''Homestar Runner''': Isn't that the sound that um... eyeballs make? ==Strong Bad is a Bad Guy== *'''Strong Mad''': A GLOWY BOX! A GLOWY BOX! *'''Strong Bad''': A glowy box? Are you sure that's what you'd get for your tattoo? *'''Strong Mad''':: IT'S PERSONAL! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Homestar Runner''': Hey guys! H'whatcha teekenbot ''[sic]''? *'''Strong Bad''': We're talking about something cool and interesting. You wouldn't understand. *'''Homestar Runner''': Oh, tattoos, huh? ==The House That Gave Sucky Tricks== *'''Strong Mad''': THIS HALLOWEEN'S NOT WORKING! *'''Strong Bad''': Boy, you said it, Strong Mad. This is the lamest haunted house ever. [looks down] My pants haven't entertained the thought of peeing themselves even once. *'''Homestar Runner''': Scary shoes! *'''Strong Bad''': Really? Spooky shoes? *'''Homestar Runner''': No, no. Scary shoes. Spooky shoes are the next room. *'''Strong Bad''': Homestar, your haunted house is even worse than normal this year. You ever think of using any actual Halloween decorations? *'''Homestar Runner''': No, Marzipan only let me use stuff from the Goodwill donations pile. Incomplete jigsaw puzzle! [throws it towards them, scaring The Cheat] *'''Strong Bad''': This place is a disgrace to haunted houses, haunted hovels, haunted timeshares, and haunted extended stay motels even. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': Then there would be... the gross out room. But instead of severed limbs, and surgeries gone wrong, it's just a silent white room filled with pure stench. And, oh, ho, ho. What a stench it is! Let me lay it on you like a movie trailer: Strong Mad! Oyster! Smoothie! Breath! Caked! Armpit! Latte! *'''Marzipan''': Strong Bad, you know those words in that sequence are illegal. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': There'd also be one of those [[W:Escape room|immersive horror experience rooms]] that are so popular these days. *'''Strong Sad''': OK. Gotta logic this out. Open the vault… before time runs out. Skeleton's pointing at a clue. Am I on the right track? *'''Strong Bad''': [watching on [[W:CCTV|CCTV]]] Yup, just, just reach in the toilet. I just want you to reach in the toilet. *'''Strong Sad''': It's pointing at the toilet. *'''Strong Bad''': It's full of poop. *'''Strong Sad''': But that's just misdirection. *'''Strong Bad''': I just want you to touch the poop. *'''Strong Sad''': They want me to think I should reach in the toilet. *'''Strong Bad''': No! I do want you to reach in the toilet! That is all that I want you to do! *'''Strong Sad''': It's too easy. *'''Strong Bad''': Touch the poop! *'''Strong Sad''': But I know better! *'''Strong Bad''': Touch the freakin' poop!! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': Nowadays, everybody's tired of the same old [[W:evil clown|evil clowns]], undead cheerleaders, and all those bloody-eyed [[W:found footage genre|found footage]] children. But for my haunted house, I will unleash an entirely new horror icon! Say hello to the new face of terror: LARGE BEAN! <Hr width=“50% “/> When nights are chill and filled with doom, <br> again will rise the cursed legume. <br> So if you're out on Hallowe'en, <br> beware the wrath of Largest Bean! *Poem narrated at the end of the short ==Halloween Hijinks== *'''Coach Z''': Aaah... I'm getting too old for hijinks. And the last time I attempted even medium jinks, I t'rew out my torn rubdominal scrimmage. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Commercial narrator''': If you've suffered a torn rubdominal scrimmage, Halloween jinx don't need to be a thing of the past. *'''Coach Z''': They don't? *'''Narrator:''' Lowjinxerol is specially formulated to treat creepy middle-aged ailments, so you'll stop talking about them in public. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Night Watchman Coach Z''': Slow night at City Hall, eh, fellow night watchman? *'''Night Watchman Bubs''': That establishes our location and humdrum routine. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Teenage Homestar''': Stand down, local law enforcement; [[Scooby-Doo|group of random teens]] is here. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Night Watchman Bubs''': When we rushed in here, the mysterious silhouette had vanished. *'''Teenage Strong Bad''' Oh, great. [[#High school (140)|Another fanatical mysterious believer]]. ==Toikey TV== [[File:DeepFriedTurkey.jpg|thumb|Don’t be a jerky, fry that turkey!]] *'''The King of Town''': Hello! I'ma King-a Town, here with an important message about Thanksgiving safety! Specifically, the dangers of not [[W:fried turkey|frying a turkey]]! Each year thousands of families suffer from not fried turkeys. So please, this Thanksgiving, “don't be a jerky, fry that turkey!” <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Marzipan''': All right, all you turkey liberators out there. Here's how we make Marzipan's Famous Thanksgiving [[W:turducken|Faux-ducken]]. Now stuff [[W:millet|millet]] inside of [[W:bulgur|bulgur]], inside of [[W:meat analogue|meatless veggie nuggets]], inside of [[W:tempeh|tempeh]], injected into [[W:bean curd|bean curd]], wrapped in fakin bacon, and baked inside a pair of [[W:hemp|hemp]] toddler pants. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Bubs''': Attention, holiday shoppers! [[W:Black Friday (shopping)|Bubs Friday]] starts Thursday! Doors open at 2 AM! Shoving and trampling starts promptly at 2:05, followed by tear gas and riot police at 2:15. Come on, moms! You know you want to beat each other up over some stupid kids' toy! And if you draw blood, you just might make it onto this year's edition of Mommy Fights! ==The Homestar Runner Enters the Spooky Woods== *'''Strong Bad''': Everybody loves The Homestar Runner. He is an athletic terrife. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Storybook Homestar Runner''': Oh no! I [[Wiktionary:give up the ghost|gave up the ghost]]! *'''Storybook Strong Sad''': You'll stay that way unless you enter the spooky woods and face your 3 fears before the [[W:witching hour|witching hour]]! *'''Strong Bad''': [narrating] Quothed Lord High Plotlayer. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Storybook Homestar Runner''': I, gulp, guess, gulpo, I'm on, gulpamundo, my own, Gulp Fantasy 2000. *'''Strong Bad''': [narrating] Tedioused The Homestar Runner at great risk to the listenability of the story. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Storybook Strong Bad''': All types of drat! *'''Strong Bad''': [narrating] Said Strong Bad, coining an awesome new phrase that will endure throughout the ages. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Storybook Strong Bad''': All types of drat! *'''Strong Bad''': [narrating] Repeated Strong Bad, flirting with oversaturating the market with his new phrase too soon. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Storybook Homestar Runner''': OH NO!! My final fear!! A half-decomposed raccoon being carried around by a family of wet pigeons!! [cut to a disgustingly detailed illustration of just that] *'''Strong Bad''': [narrating] Said the Homestar Runner… in a ''children's'' ''book''. *'''Storybook Homestar Runner''': Awww, but look. The gross wet pigeons think Strong Bad's ping-pong ball is an egg! They're gonna hatch it! ''They were just as gulp of me, as I was gulp of them!'' *'''Strong Bad''': [narrating] Said the Homestar Runner, really shoe-horning some kind of half-baked moral into this thing. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': Join us next week, children, when we read "Strong Bad's Ghost Enters The Homestar Runner, Thereby Possessing Him Demonically". <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': [dressed as ''[[The Wall]]''] [[Syd Barrett|SYD BARRETT]]! *'''Strong Bad''': Uh, sorry, big guy. He wasn't in the band when they made that album. *'''Strong Mad''': UH... [[W:The Dark Side of the Rainbow|WIZARD OF OZ]]!! *'''Strong Bad''': Yeah, nope, wrong album there too. *'''Strong Mad''': MY BODY'S A REALLY HARD SHAPE TO MAKE COSTUMES FOR! ==Where My Hat Is At? (toon)== '''Homestar Runner''': If there's two things I know about the Homestar Runner, it's that everybody loves the him and he's a terrific athlete. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Marzipan''': Hey, where's your hat, Homestar? *'''Homestar Runner''': : I'm sorry, I couldn't understand what you just said. *'''Marzipan''': I said, "Where's your hat?" *'''Homestar Runner''': Yeah, you're not even speaking English at this point. *'''Marzipan''': [sighs] I mean, ''where your hat is at'', Homestar? <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Coach Z''': Well, it's like I always say. A man's uniform is like a temple, wherein he keeps his… uniform when he's not using it. *'''Homestar Runner''': Um, are you suggesting that my hat is inside my hat? *'''Coach Z''': No, I'm suggesting that— *'''Homestar Runner''': Well good, 'cause I already looked and it's not there. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Homestar Runner''': I found my hat just in time to score the winning run. *'''Umpire''': Uh, no, actually it's the bottom of the second, your team's down by 94 points, and you just illegally ran onto the field! *'''Homestar Runner''': Get this, it was between the milk and the Cold Ones! *'''Umpire''': Yeah, yeah, you need to head back to the dugout before I toss you out of here, buster! *'''Homestar Runner''': Man, Mr. Umpire, you sure have a funny way of pronouncing “Homestar Runner's team wins!” *'''Umpire''': Yeah, you're suspended from the league. ==Homestarloween Party== [[File:1971 AMC Gremlin AMO 2015 show - all original 1of6.jpg|thumb| And... the goblin, he had a [[W:AMC Gremlin|Gremlin]]!]] *'''Homestar Runner''': Umm... okay! Once, there was this green gobliiiin... and um, he used to... look aroooound... And um, I guess he did a daaance. Oh man, that was terrible. *'''Bubs''': And... the goblin, he had a [[W:AMC Gremlin|Gremlin]]! And he jacked it up on some fat tires, and uh, and he tuned it up on some 4.11 [[W:Positraction|positrak]] out back, 750 double pumper, [[W:Edelbrock|Edelbrock]] intake, bore over 30, 11-to-1 pop-up pistons turbo jets 390 horsepower! I mean, he had some freakin' muscle! ==The Luau== '''Strong Bad''': Oh man you guys, this party's gonna be crazy-go-nuts! <Hr width=“50% “/> * [the wood for Strong Bad’s bonfire isn’t lighting] *'''Homestar Runner''': Uh-oh. You didn't get it from behind the gazebo, did you? *'''Strong Bad''': Yeah, why? *'''Homestar Runner''': Well, it all started when I decided to drink 32 glasses of melonade... ==Fish Eye Lens== *'''Coach Z''': Strong Bad! Strong Bad, wake up! *'''Strong Bad''': Ah graibes... ...Blackthorne... bougleibes... *'''Coach Z''': The people need your help! *'''Strong Bad''': Wait, the who? *'''Coach Z''': I mean the pyorple!— *'''Strong Bad''': There you go! *'''Coach Z''': They need your help! It's been too long since they had a number one jam. They been scrapin' dope rhymes up off the kitchen floor, just to ''survive!'' *'''Strong Bad''': Another number one jam? All right, I'll do it. ...For the pyorple. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': Things are about to get... BULBOUS. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': Man, fisheye lens, I bet you could make even lame stuff look cool! *'''Coach Z''': Yeah, yeah! *'''Strong Bad''': What about ''tax papers?'' *'''Coach Z''': Oh, look at how cool those papes look! How about a pair of ''tan paaaaants?!'' *'''Strong Bad''': Ooooh! Somebody say ''country dish towel?!'' ==A Folky Tale== *'''Strong Sad''': Coach Z, ropes are for dopes. *'''Coach Z''': What's that jargle? [[Religious text|Scripture]]? You quotin' Scripture? *'''Strong Sad''': No, it's a quote from Saddy Dumpington, the legendary folk hero I made up. *'''Coach Z''': Sounds kinda like a [[Toilet|terlet]] [sic] if ya ask me. ==2022 Costume Pack Available== *''[Pom Pom is dressed as [[W:Time for Timer|Timer]]]'' *'''Homestar Runner''': Hey, Pom Pom, I really like your [[W:Twinkie the Kid|Twinkie the Kid]] ate too many Twinkies as a kid costume! *'''King of Town''': More like, I hanker for a hunka cheese council propaganda! <Hr width=“50% “/> *''[Strong Mad is dressed as Sam, the [[W:Operation (game)|Operation]] guy. He was [[W:Slim Goodbody|Slim Goodbody]] in [[#Homestarloween Party|the previous version of the toon]]]'' *'''Strong Bad''': Strong Mad, how come both your costumes in this cartoon gotta be like, ''medically naked?'' <Hr width=“50% “/> *''[Homestar Runner is dressed as [[Monty Python and the Holy Grail|the Black Knight]]]'' *'''Strong Bad''': Alright, Homestar, let's get this over with. Just say the line. *'''Homestar Runner''': Ahem... [[Monty Python and the Holy Grail#The black knight|It's just a fwesh wound]]. *'''Strong Bad''': Did you say "Fresh wound"? *'''Homestar Runner''': No, I said “fwesh wound”. *'''Strong Bad''': Yeah, that's not the right quote, “it's just a ''flesh'' wound”. *'''Homestar Runner''': Yeah yeah, that's what I said,”fwesh wound” *'''Strong Bad''' Uh, alright, let me hear you say "in the flesh". *'''Homestar Runner''': You mean like, ''medically naked?'' *'''Strong Bad''': No, just say the expression! ''"In the flesh"''. *'''Homestar Runner''': Okay. ''In person''. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': King of Town, are you simultaneously the [[W:Quaker Oats|Quaker Oats]] guy and [[W:Wilford Brimley|Wilford Brimley]]? *'''King of Town''': Wilford Brimley ''was'' the Quaker Oats guy! *'''Strong Bad''': Yeah, but he didn't dress like a [[Quakers|Quaker]], he just was like, the pitchman, standing in a kitchen, making breakfast. *'''Homestar Runner''': No no, I'm with the King on this one. Wilford Brimley would hatch from his cocoon, covered in oatmeal, and then say his famous catchphrase. *'''King of Town''': [[W:Diabeetus|Di-a-betus!]] ==Which Ween Costumes?== *'''Strong Bad''': Uh, why does this feel... weird? *'''Homestar Runner''': What are you talking about? We stand around in the snow dressed in Decemberween-themed costumes every year. It's our thing! It's what we do! *'''Strong Bad''': Are you sure? I think we may have gotten our... "weens" crossed. *'''Strong Sad''': ''Can you please never say that again?'' ==On Break== * ''[Strong Bad is “smoking”, loudly]'' *'''Coach Z''': Well, hey there, fellow mascot! I didn't know you was the smokin' type! *'''Strong Bad''': Shh! I'm not! But Bubs only gives me one of each kind of break. I've already used pee, coffee, and maternity leave today. And this is a white crayon. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Homestar Runner''': What is up, my fellow sweat factories? <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Homestar Runner''': Man, what ''is'' that smell? *'''Strong Bad''': Uh, Homestar, we're three grown men working in mascot costumes in the dead of summer! What ''isn't'' that smell? ==Strong Bad is in Jail Cartoon== *'''Strong Bad''': Once we get our hands on Bubs's fundraiser candy bars, our troubles will be over! We can retire, maybe get a little place in Strong Badia, I dunno. All right, remember the drill: go straight for the crispy crackly ones. Don't waste your time on them plain ol' chocolates. Those things are fool's gold! ==The Homestar Runner Goes For The Gold== *'''Homestar Runner''': Oh, man, Strong Bad. You're not gonna believe this thing! Wait 'till you see this thing! This thing is gonna change your life! Blow your mind! Wipe your nose! *'''Strong Bad''': Then shut the dang up and let's see it already! *'''Homestar Runner''': Okay. Okay. Um... It's, um... It's right... Um... *'''Strong Bad''': Homestar, did you ramble on so long that you forgot what you were gonna show me? *'''Homestar Runner''': Um, no. And furthermore, no. It was this... squeakburger! [squeezes it] Burger burger! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Homestar Runner''': "The Homestar Runner and the Bathyscaphe: A Lurid Tale of Underwater Intrigue and Underwater Pants". *'''Strong Bad''': Uh, maybe I should read it. "The Homestar Runner and the Brothers Strong". A.K.A. "Homestar Runner Goes for the Gold". A.K.A. "old glue turns gross and brown if you let it sit for 20 years". <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': Wait, what? You get a freakin' submarine and all’s I get is a fish crammed through my head? *'''Homestar Runner''': Yeah, you know, standard collegiate swimming rules. Very standard. ==A Decemberween Pageant== *'''Bubs (as Dr. Christmas)''': Archibald! We've got to find the first Decemberween! *'''Strong Bad (as Archibald)''': I'll search down by the docks. *'''Bubs''': [whispering] What? *'''Strong Bad''': The docks. I'll search down by the docks. *'''Bubs''': [whispering] Ooh. I thought you said ducks. [normally] Good thinking! I'll come with ya. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Bubs/Dr. Christmas''': We'll need fifty bags of jold! I mean, gold! Fifty bag of golds [sic]. *'''Homestar Runner (as The King of Town)''': I just can't do it, Dr. Christmas. Famine has ruined all the town's gold. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad/Archibald''': How unfortunate! Oh, what a terrible fate has bestowed with me... uh, become to me... There's a squid. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Marzipan (as the Angel)''': I'll never forget you, Popular Vote! Not in a million years! [The Cheat cries] Don't cry. Popular Votes aren't supposed to cry! You might rust. [audience laughs] <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad/Archibald''': [singing] Everyone's searching, looking and searching... *'''Marzipan/the Angel''': [singing] And everyone's hanging around! *'''Bubs/Dr. Christmas''': [singing] And who can be sure if we're looking for something? *'''Homestar Runner/The King of Town''': [singing] And looking for something I am! ==Front Facing/The Name Of This Cartoon Would Ruin It/Front-Facing Homestar== *'''Strong Bad''': We're not selling snowballs, The Cheat. We're selling destiny! ==The System is Down== *'''Homestar Runner''': Ummmm... what's going on here? What happened to my website? *'''Strong Bad''': The system is down, yo. *'''Homestar Runner''': Ohh... the system... Right, right. *'''Strong Bad''': Yeah, I think too many people tried to log on. Uh... sorry about that. *'''Homestar Runner''': What are you sorry for? It's my website. *'''Strong Bad''': Um... I don't think they're coming to see you, Homestar. *'''Homestar Runner''': What, you think everybody's logging on to watch "[[#Tape-leg (19)|tape-leg]]"? Yeah, that's a good one. *'''Strong Bad''': Hey, shut up! The tape-leg is cool. ==Pumpkin Carve-nival== [[File:FrenchMarketPumpkinsB.jpg|thumb|Are you supposed to be dressed up as some kind of a witches' brew?]] *'''Homestar Runner''': All right, Coach, whadaya got for me? *'''Coach Z''': Check it out, yo! *'''Homestar Runner''': Cool, a W. What's that supposed to stand for? “Witches' brew”? *'''Coach Z''': No, no, no, it stands for tha [[Wu-Tang Clan|Wu-Tang]]! *'''Homestar Runner''': Coach Z, are you a poser? *'''Coach Z''': Nah, man, I'm down. *'''Homestar Runner''': “Down” with second to last place. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Homestar Runner''': Whatcha got here, Marzipan? *'''Marzipan''': I didn't want to kill mine, so I just left it on the vine. *'''Homestar Runner''': What for? So you could, like, use it in a witches' brew or something? *'''Marzipan''': Um, I don't know what that means. Anyway, I wrote a song about it: “I left it on the vine, I left it on the line”, I mean, “I left it on—“ *'''Homestar Runner''': Not necessary! Last place! Ding! *'''Marzipan''': Homestar, I'm breaking up with you. <Hr width=“50% “/> *''[Strong Bad is dressed as a bee]'' *'''Homestar Runner''': Hey Strong Bad. So, um, are you supposed to be the [[W:Green Hornet|Green Hornet]]? *'''Strong Bad''': What?! No! *'''Homestar Runner''': Oh, right, right, you're supposed to be the um, the witches' brew. *'''Strong Bad''': No! I'm ''the bee!'' Like, from nature. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Homestar Runner''': Psst! Um, hey The Cheat— *'''The Cheat''': Hm? *'''Homestar Runner''': I had a really important question I want to ask you about your costume. Are you supposed to be dressed up as some kind of a witches' brew? *'''The Cheat''': [dismissive The Cheat noises] *'''Homestar Runner''': Wait, wait, I had another question I wanted to ask you. It's not about witches' brew. ...Okay, it's about witches' brew, but just hear me out. ==Decemberween Short Shorts== *'''Strong Bad''': Dear Tube Socks, It's me again. I hope you had a good year. Free of athletes' feet and toe jams. Lemme cut to the chase. On Decemberween morning, when I open you guys up, you're going to hear...things. Hurtful things. Unforgivable things. Things like, [groans], and, “Oh, ''maaan!''”, and “This present of tube socks totally sucks and I hate it!” Don't you believe a word of it, Tube Socks. I love you guys. I don't know what I'd do without my yearly pair. But a guy's gotta keep up appearances, right? If peoples found out I have a soft spot for tube socks, it'd be all over. It took me years to live down that [[Martina Navratilova]] poster, and I will not go down that road again. We can be secret friends. Like that hunchback kid at school. In closing, please disregard any and all negative comments or negative burning you may hear or experience on Decemberween. Stealthily Yours, Strong Bad. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Rumble Red''': Earthling, explain to me this pile of rotten rodentia...rumble. *'''The Homestar Runner''': It's Decemberween, Rumble Red. The most sanitary time of year. When everyone piles up all the dead rats they've a-cooma-lated throughout the year. ==Coach Z’s 110%== *'''Strong Sad''': Sports and practice! Sports and practice! Oh, hash potatoes! I'll never be the number-one pick! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Homestar Runner''': Hustle for sports! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Coach Z''': My whole deal's backed up by actual scientific findings— and this rotating computer graphic, so you ''know'' it's legit! <Hr width=“50% “/> * '''Reporter''': Homestar Runner, you just won the sports, how you diddat? *'''Homestar Runner''': Well, we just brought our “A” game, you know? Everybody stepped it up out there, and then we stayed within ourselves, and decided that it would be a good strategy to try and score more points than our opponents within the allotted time. [holds up Coach Z's video] Thanks, Coach Z's 110% Hustle for Sports Instructional Video! ==Hremail 62== *'''Homestar Runner''': First up on our tour, is this brellow [[W:Crayon|crown]]! [sic] And what a rich history it has! It dates all the way back to this one time. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Homestar Runner''': My brellow crown [sic] is instrumental in the drawing of buttered toast, not quite hornets, and the sun, with a [[W:afro (hairstyle)|'fro]]. ==Decemberweenvent Calendar== *'''Strong Bad''': I can't look at it right now, I told you! *'''The Cheat''': [The Cheat noises] *'''Strong Bad''': A football is wearing my pants! *'''The Cheat''': [The Cheat noises] *'''Strong Bad''': I don't know, The Cheat! *'''The Cheat''': [The Cheat noises] *'''Strong Bad''': Yes, I am ''also'' wearing them! That's what's freakin' me out! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Homestar Runner''': I got a good feeling about this one, Strong Bad. *'''Strong Bad''': Great. And now I have a ''bad'' feeling about this one. ==See also== *[[Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People]] *[[The Brothers Chaps]] ==External links== [http://Homestarrunner.com Official website] {{Wikipedia}} ==Notes== [[Category:American animated TV shows]] [[Category:Homestar Runner]] c9b05bymabn02z7yvmrzq84lxhm39mj 3778769 3778768 2025-07-14T18:06:31Z Dronebogus 3078761 /* No loafing (86) */ 3778769 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} [[File:Homestar Runner logo black.svg|thumb|Homestarrunner dot net. “It's dot com!”]] [[File:Red bordered white star.svg|thumb|Everybody! Everybody!]] [[File:BrothersChaps.JPG|thumb|Everybody loves the Homestar Runner. He is a terrific athlete.]] [[File:Montreal Comiccon 2015 - Strong Bad (18837897773).jpg|thumb|I'm Strong Bad, and you don't know it yet, but [[W:breakout character|I'm the reason you're here]].]] '''''[[w:Homestar Runner|Homestar Runner]]''''' is an animated web comedy series based on the life and misadventures of a group of eccentric characters, including the titular Homestar Runner. It is best known for the character Strong Bad, a sharp-tongued [[W:luchador|luchador]] who answers viewer fanmail in a humorous, mocking fashion. == The Homestar Runner Enters the Strongest Man in the World Contest == *Everybody loves the Homestar Runner. He is a terrific athlete. **Narration on first page <hr width="50%"/> *'''Strong Bad''': I'm the very strongest! You guys are not very strong! == Where My Hat Is At? ''[sic]'' == *'''Homestar Runner''': ''[repeated line]'' Where my hat is at? <hr width="50%"/> *'''Homestar Runner''': I could go for a few cold ones right about now. ==Site intro== *Everybody! Everybody! **Main theme song lyrics ==Who Said What Now?== *'''Marzipan''': I'm the only girl. ==First Time Here?== *'''Homestar Runner''': Oh, hello! Welcome to Homestarrunner dot net. *'''Crewman''': It's "dot com". *'''Homestar Runner''': Oh, right. Homestarrunner dot net. “It's dot com!” <hr width="50%"/> *'''Strong Bad''': Hello, and welcome to I'm a Big Moron Who Can't Remember His Lines Dot Com! No, seriously. I'm Strong Bad, and you don't know it yet, but [[W:breakout character|I'm the reason you're here]]. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': Check me out! No, seriously, check me out. ==Character introduction videos== ===Strong Bad=== *'''Strong Bad''': I'm Strong Bad. I've been described as cool, awesome, hot, video games ''[sic]'', the hottest, and real real hot. ===Marzipan=== *'''Marzipan''': I'm a fiercely independent woman, and I'm fiercely independent about the soy products that I choose. ===King of Town=== *'''King of Town''': Now, despite rumors to the contrary, I did not just buy a crown at the costume palace and ask people to start calling me the King of Town. I earned my title the same way I earned a free combo meal: by purchasing one of equal or lesser value. I also did not ever try to eat my own mustache. ==Strong Bad Email== ===Some kinda robot (1)=== *'''Strong Bad''': “Dear Strong Bad: Do you take your wrestling mask and boxing gloves off before you go to bed? Sincerely, Abdi LaRue, [[W:San Diego, CA|San Diego, CA]].” Well, that's a stupid question, Abdi. Do you take off your face and hands before you go to bed? And if so, are you some kind of [[robot]]? ===Homsar (2)=== *'''Strong Bad''': “Hi Strong Bad, if you hate Homsar ''[sic]'' so much, why don't you kill him? From Vinnie C.” You know what, Vinnie? You're right. I'll be right back. *''[Cut to a strange being labelled Homsar]'' *'''Strong Bad''': Hey, Homsar! *'''Homsar''': Uhdyeah, what ees eht, Stwong Baaaaayaad? *''[Strong Bad squashes him with a giant weight labelled “heavy lourde” [sic]]'' **This email inspired the creation of the character Homsar, who became a reoccurring cast member ===Butt IQ (3)=== *'''Strong Bad''': “Dear Mr. Bad, how do you know if someone's butt is stupid? I mean, is there like some kind of [[W:IQ test|IQ test]]? Crapfully yours, Tyler.” Oh, come on Tyler! Don't you remember your [[algebra]], man? It's called the Transitive Butt Property. And it clearly states that the stupidity of somebody's butt is greater than or equal to the stupidity of that person's head. ===I she be (13)=== *'''Strong Bad''': “Hey my name is great looking girl strong bad! i she be your girlfriend.” [sic] Uh… Hey! My name is Strong Bad, great looking girl! I he be your boyfriend. Okay, seriously. All i gotta say about this is… GET IN LINE SISTER!!! I mean, do you know how many freakin emails I get like this a DAY? From ladies with proper grammar? I mean come on! ===Tape-leg (19)=== *'''Strong Bad''': “Dear Strong Bad, my brothers are always telling me that your legs are made of tape, is that true? Nee-co-las.” [Nicholas] They said my legs were made of tape?! WHAT?! I mean, do I look like some kinda tape-leg? I can guarantee you, man, I am not a tape-leg. ===Spring cleaning (20)=== [[File:Cherry Keyboard G83-6105RLNDE, German layout-5996.jpg|thumb|How do you type with boxing gloves on?]] '''Strong Bad''': “Dear Strong Bad, How do you type with boxing gloves on? Mike, Bend [[Oregon|Ora-gawn]]”. Oh, that's a new one. No way do I get this freaking question all the time. I suppose I'll probably answer it right now— DELETED!! <Hr width=“50% “/> '''Strong Bad''': “Dear Strong Bad, Are you made of crap? Did you invent the word crap? Where did the word crap come from? Crapfully crapfully, Chad”. Oh, I'll totally answer this one because apparently the only thing I'm concerned with is the word crap— DELETED!! ===Cartoon (21)=== *'''Strong Bad''': Too much of a good thing is an awesome thing. But too much of an awesome thing is... umm... really, really dumb and bad. ===Bird (24)=== *'''Strong Bad''': Psssshhh! [[W:the finger|The Double Deuce]]! ===Flag day (32)=== Come to the place where tropical breezes blow. <br> Come to the coolest place I know. <br> The people are so great, <br> But really there's only me, <br> And that means I'm so great, <br> And also there's The Cheat. *Strongbadian national anthem ===Property of ones (39)=== [[File:Cerveza Pacifico.jpg|thumb|The colder it is, the more of a one it is. Because you don't want to end up with a Cold None. I wouldn't wish that on anybody.]] *'''Strong Bad''': The colder it is, the more of a one it is. Because you don't want to end up with a Cold None. I wouldn't wish that on anybody. ===Vacation (40)=== *'''Strong Bad''': Hey, you guys! Just dropping you a line here from "The Great Mound". I got two words for ya: false advertising. There's nothing great about this mound, okay? <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': I kinda miss you guys and your emails... I can almost hear one of them now: "Dear Stong Bad, You are crap. Crap is the best. Everybody loves crap. Crap is in the mix. Crap is to the max. How does Homestar pick stuff up if he's not wearing any Marzipants? Crapfully crap, Monkey D, [[W:Seattle, Washington|Seattle, Washington]]." <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': It was nothing but antique stores down there, like I couldn't find a single restaurant! I have a sneaking suspicion the people in Over There ''eat'' antiques. ===Marzipan (59)=== *'''Marzipan''': ''[singing]'' Oh yeah, oh yeah, and I really don't like him at all. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': Do you don't not dislike not Strong Bad? *'''Marzipan''': Uh... I guess... *'''Strong Bad''': See! I told you you loved me! ===Interview (62)=== '''Strong Bad''': [imitating Homsar] DaAa! I was raised by a cup of coffee. ===Crazy cartoon (72)=== *'''Strong Bad''': Crazy cartoons usually have titles that have nothing to do with the cartoon itself. You know, like... “Sweet Cuppin' Cakes”! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': I don't think it deserved a trophy. I don't even think it deserved a pizza! Maybe a pizza trophy. ===The process (79)=== *'''Strong Bad''': Show you the process, eh, Em? Sure, I can do dat, but I should warn you, it may spoil the magic for some of you out there. I strongly urge both the faint of heart and the faint of butt to leave the room at this time. ===Stunt double (80)=== *'''Strong Bad (as Dangeresque)''': I'm gonna have to JUMP! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Coach Z (as Renaldo)''': Sounds pretty dangerous. *'''Strong Bad (as Dangerseque)''': No... sounds ''Dangeresque''! ===No loafing (86)=== [[File:Windsurfer (14942953548).jpg|thumb|Failure is not [[Profanity|a four-letter word]].]] [[File:Auf dem Gehrenberg 6.jpg|thumb|The loneliest goat sees the last sunset last...]] *Failure is not [[Profanity|a four-letter word]]. **[[W:Motivational poster|Motivational poster]] (depicting a wind surfer) seen in video *The loneliest goat sees the last sunset last... **”Old adage” on a “wood burny thing” depicting a horse, per Strong Bad ===Caffeine (91)=== *'''Strong Bad''': And coming in at number 91, it's: ''[[W:metal scream|E-Maaaaaaaaaaail!!!]]'' “Dear Strong Bad, It must be really annoying living with someone as whiny as Strong Sad. Why don't you slip him some caffeine? Justin, [[W:Murfreesboro, TN|Murfreesboro]], [[Tekken]] [ [[Tennessee|TN]] ]” Oh-ho-ho-ho! ''Devilish laugh''. Dear Justin, In addition to [[Wiktionary:cut of one's jib|the cut of your jib]], I likes the sound of your town. ''Murfreesboro''. But we got the All-Wide Science Fair just around the corner and I've been straining for a project. So far alls I've come up with is the effects of gasoline… on fire. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': In the final stages, subject became: :Erratic, :violent, :and Really Funny to Watch. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': At this point, the test subject...was dead. [audience gasps] *'''Strong Sad''': [offscreen] I was not dead! *'''Strong Bad''': ...Shut up. And all of this data could only bring us to one conclusion: ...Strong Sad's adopted. [audience gasps] *'''Strong Sad''': [offscreen] That's not true either! ===Kind of cool (92)=== *'''Strong Bad''': I'd still probably be the coolest guy in the world, just a different kind of cool. More of a "I'm so cool, you don't even know I'm cool" kind of cool. **On if he was not ”stylish, buff, and handsome” <Hr width=“50% “/> *''[after strong bad is finished describing his “kind of cool” alter ego]'' *'''Strong Sad''': You basically described that creep Señor Cardgage that lived down the street from us when we were little. *'''Strong Bad''': What!? You didn't think Senor [sic] Cardgage was cool? *'''Strong Sad''': No! He was extremely sketchy and gave me nightmares. *'''Strong Bad''': And... What's not cool about giving you nightmares? *'''Strong Sad''': Oh, never mind. Go back to your creepy comb-over story. ===The bet (95)=== *'''Strong Bad''': So, hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on. Let me get this uh-straight: You're betting me that you're cool. *'''Homestar Runner''': Yep, I'm cool. *'''Strong Bad''': And if you're not cool, you have to change your name to... Kevin DuBrow. But if you are cool, I gotta spend the night over at The King of Town's? *'''Homestar Runner''': That's the deal, man. The total deal. *'''Strong Bad''': You're goin' down, son. *'''Homestar Runner''': No ways. *'''Strong Bad''': All right! Let's see you be's cool. *'''Homestar Runner''': ''[Homestar puts on sunglasses]'' 'Sup? *'''Strong Bad''': Oh, crap!! <hr width="50%"/> *'''King of Town''': So here's all my foodstuffs. You want some Pork Snagglins? Or a can of Butter-da or anything? *'''Strong Bad''': King, I think that stuff's for automotive use only. *'''King of Town''': It's possible. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''King of Town''': [advertising Butter-da] They tell me not to, but I still drinks [sic] it! ===Monument (97)=== *'''Strong Bad''': Yeah, there were big plans once. It was to be made of the finest materials. On a massive scale that would rival the [[W:Aztecs|Aztecs]] and their... [[W:Tenochtitlan|techno-chocolate land]]. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': Oh yeah, The Cheat. That totally looks like my right foot. It's got all the rightness of a foot without all the footdom of a right. *'''Off-screen chorus''': ''Here comes the Thnikkaman!'' *'''Strong Bad''': No way! Check it out The Cheat, it's the Thnikkaman! Hey, Thnikkaman! *'''Bubs''': [as “the Thnikkaman”] Hey, kid! *'''Strong Bad''': Can we have some? *'''Bubs''': Yeah, okay. *'''Strong Bad''': Thanks, Thnikkaman! [mumbles to The Cheat] Thanks, Thnikkaman. *'''Bubs''': Yeah, shut up, kid! *'''Off-screen chorus''': ''There goes the Thnikkaman!'' <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': I'd like to see you stay on task when you're starin' down the barrel of a loaded Thnikkaman. ===Different town (99)=== '''Strong Bad''': “Dear Strong Bad, I just wondering [sic], if you had a chance to make your town different, what would you do? Censorly [“Sincerley”], Steven, [[W:Volkswagen|Wolksvagen]] [ [[West Virginia|WV]] ].” Pour hot soup in Homestar's eyes, eh, Steven? That sounds like a pretty good- wait... what'd your email say again? ===Flashback (100)=== *'''Strong Bad''': Oh, I got flashbacks alright, Jon. I'm like, Discount Flashback Warehouse over here. But this particular flashback has way too much historical significance to be shown in anything but [[W:Widescreen|WIDESCREEEEEEEEEEEEN]]. Left side: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAH! [screen expands to the left] Right side: WOOOOOAHH— [screen expands to the right, revealing Homestar Runner] Wha-uh, what are you doin' over there? *'''Homestar Runner''': Oh, I'm pretty much here every week. It's just that usually I'm behind the black. *'''Strong Bad''': Guess I should start... lookin' to the right more often. *'''Homestar Runner''': In fact, I think I might live here. *'''Strong Bad''': I don't think so. If you lived here, you'd have less non-broken bones. And more crushed spirits. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': Everyone loves Strong Bad. He is an okay guy. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': [narrating] One day Strong Bad was finishing up a game of tennis on the moon with his pal, the Coach Z. He won 1,000,000 to 3. *'''Storybook Strong Bad''': You see, 3 is clearly a smaller number than a million. *'''Strong Bad''': Said Strong Bad. *'''Storybook Coach Z''': Ooooooh. Now I understand. ===Car (101)=== *'''Strong Bad''': Oh, good one Kyle. Like I don't get two jillion of these emails every two jillion seconds. Er. Wait. Would that be so bad? Hmmm. I'll have to ask Gron Sad about that later on. Maybe write in to [[W:Popular Science|Popular Science]] about it. "Popular Science." No such thing, man. More like, "Nerdular Nerdence." **Popular Science actually [http://www.popsci.com/popular-science-answers-question-strong-bad-asked-us-13-years-ago answered Strong Bad] 13 years after the email ===Haircut (103)=== *'''Strong Mad''': I DON’T WANT TO EAT A GUITAR! ===Dangeresque 3 (106)=== *'''Strong Bad (as Dangerseque)''': Let's get one thing straight, meatball... face... butt: I work alone. 'Cept when I work with Renaldo... which is all the time. *'''Homestar Runner (as Dangeresque Too)''': Oh yeah? Well, you need me because I'm the only one that knows where Perducci is, and where that is... is that he is... in... [[Istanbul]]. ===Cheatday (107)=== '''Strong Bad''': So, nobody knows exactly when The Cheat's Cheatday is, so we celebrate it on the only day we know for sure it isn't. And that's the date of birth on his fake I.D. Which says he's a 43-year-old Scandinavian miner named Ilko Skevüld. <Hr width=“50% “/> '''Strong Bad''': After breakfast, in honor of Ilko's heritage, we'll usually play some mining games, like... mining... and... coal…? ===Replacement (105)=== [[File:PAX 2008 - Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People (2810850382).jpg|thumb|Looks like I'm gonna be checking e-mails and kicking Cheats 'til the day I die.]] '''Strong Bad''': Looks like I'm gonna be checking e-mails and kicking Cheats 'til the day I die. Whoa, that'd make an awesome tattoo! Or an even better epitaph! ===For kids (110)=== *'''Strong Bad''': Okay, kids, we're gonna play "Where's The Cheat?". Can you say, "a-The Cheat"? *'''Kids''': [mumbling] THE CHEAT! *'''Random kid''': [[Christopher Columbus]]! *'''Strong Bad''': Not good enough. F minus minus. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': All right, dumb children. Find The Cheat! *'''Kids''': He’s over there! *'''Strong Bad''': Um, no, he's behind the box. No, uh, he's not even behind the box, he's barely obscured by the box. Look, The Cheat is ''behind the freaking box!!'' HE'S BEHIND THE BOX! I'LL KILL YA!! I'LL KILL ALL YOUR DOGS!! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': I've got two words for the children that are raised on that crap: HELD BACK. REPEATING THE THIRD GRADE. LOW STANDARDIZED TEST SCORES. I GUESS THIS WAS MORE THAN TWO WORDS. ===The facts (114)=== *'''Strong Bad''': He's like a big square, this guy ''[Strong Mad]''. I don't really know if that has anything to do with why he doesn't have his own cartoon. But it's just weird, is all. Un... settling. I guess if he lived in Cubeland, it might work, but... Cubeland is a place I just made up, so... <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Homestar Runner''': I want my own cartoon, Strong Bad. *'''Strong Bad''': What? I'm over here! *'''Homestar Runner''': Oh. ''[turns around]'' I want my own cartoon, Pom Pom. *'''Strong Bad''': Homestar, a cartoon starring you would be horrible. It'd just be you saying "Sewiously" ''[sic]'' all the time and acting like a moron... all the time. *'''Homestar Runner''': No, no! Not no more! I got a new catchphrase! *'''Strong Bad''': No. *'''Homestar Runner''': You wanna hear it? *'''Strong Bad''': No! *'''Homestar Runner''': I'd be all the time sayin' "That's bupkis!" ===Time capsule (115)=== *'''Strong Bad''': Rest assured, Shim-Sham Sam, my [[W:time capsule|time capsule]] would reign supreme. Like your hot single Mom is gonna wanna date my time capsule. So, the key to a good time capsule is it being an actual capsule. None of these shoe boxes or tennis ball cans. No. Those things are called time boxes and time tennis ball cans. Those are different and lame and differently lame. And they always get dug up in about 4 days. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': And I might as well spit in it, just in case they ever figure out how to make people… from spit. Ooh! Then I'd put some [[W:dry ice|dry ice]] in there so when they open it up it looks all smoky and steamy and it says a-like ''froosh'' when they first open it. There'll be no doubt about my coolty. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Stinkoman''': Oh man, those first four hundred bites of dirt were not so good. Maybe the next one will be better. [finds Strong Bad’s time capsule] WHAAAT is this?! Some sort of a challenge buried in the GROUUUND?! ===Animal (119)=== *'''Strong Bad''': The Lappy 486 weighs in at an extremely portable forty-two pounds and features an impressive battery life of one half of ten minutes. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': [I]f I was my own made up animal, I would probably like as [sic] the coolest made up animal ever made up. I would have all the cool animal options and accessories: Claws, Horns, Tusks, Tentacles, Power Doors, 15 Year [[W:Drivetrain|Drivetrain]] Warranty, [[W:Proboscis|Proboscis]], Segmented Eyes<ref>Strong Bad is actually referring to [[W:compound eyes|compound eyes]]</ref>… ===Radio (120)=== '''Strong Bad''': [T]he first rule of thumb for all radio personalities is to look absolutely nothing like how they sound. <Hr width=“50% “/> '''Strong Bad''': College radio can pretty much be summed up in 5 words: [[wiktionary:dead air|Dead air]], um, dead air. ===Origins (123)=== '''Strong Bad''': Ugh! Why do you [[W:Melvin Van Peebles|Van Peebles]] always wanna know the origins and histories of every freakin' little thing? <Hr width=“50% “/> '''Marzipan''': [while being spraypainted by Strong Bad] To me, this is something that losers would do. <Hr width=“50% “/> '''Strong Bad''': Man, did you guys see me refuse to take that guff? I flat out rejected it! That guff never even had a chance! <Hr width=“50% “/> '''Strong Bad''': So ya see Claire, if it weren't for the Stick, and Marzipan's considerable resistance to death, the On Point Kings may never have stolen the King of Town's dunce cap and renamed it Lotionman! D-don't ask, it was Strong Mad's idea. ===Secret recipes (124)=== *'''Strong Bad''': Being from Africa, I'm sure you guys are used to eating, like, exotic fruits and nectars and, um, lions… so our recipes may seem a bit uncouth. ''Uncouth''. Can something be just plain ''couth''? I bet freakin' Strong Sad is plain couth. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': Say there, Coach, would you like to try some of our free icèd-c-cream? It's got toasted coconut! *'''Coach Z''': How could I refuse? I can't afford the money-cost variety! [starts eating] Oooh! Sweet mercy! [keeps eating] This is orful! [sic] [still eating] *'''Strong Bad''': Aww, it's OK, Coach. You're the proud new eater of a healthy bowl of sour cream and The Cheat fur! *'''Coach Z''': Hoo! I think I'm going to puke my pants! *'''Strong Bad''': Ugh! Please don't elaborate on that. *'''Coach Z''': Naw, it's easy. I do it all the time! Here, let me show ya's! *'''Strong Bad''': AUGH! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Homestar Runner''': Hey, girlfriend, have you tried any of this free ice cream Strong Bad made? *'''Marzipan''': Homestar, didn't anyone tell you? That's, like, cottage cheese and The Cheat hair! *'''Homestar Runner''': WHAT!? Strong Bad told me it was ''sour cream'' and The Cheat hair! ===Garage Sale (129)=== [[File:Vuilnis.JPG|thumb|Lemme tell you a thing or two about garage sales: Ya ever get the feeling that the people just got lazy taking the trash out, so they stopped right there on the driveway and started putting price tags on things?]] '''Strong Bad''': Lemme tell you a thing or two about garage sales: Ya ever get the feeling that the people just got lazy taking the trash out, so they stopped right there on the driveway and started putting price tags on things? I mean, isn't it just a little bit suspicious that there's only a one-letter difference between “garage sale” and “gar-BAHHJ sale”? Except, don't ever say “gar-BAHHJ” like that. That's, like, the only joke Moms have and they can keep it for all I care. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': ''[Voiceover]'' First, there's the haggler, the guy who spends all day trying to talk you down from a quarter to twenty-two cents for some worthless piece of crap. *'''Bubs''': I'll give ya two thin dimes for this pantyhose doll. *'''Strong Bad''': First off... all... that is Aunt Gert. And secondly, she's worth way more than the quarter I'm asking for her! Heck, I paid six-fifty for her new. And them's 1998 dollars! *'''Bubs''': Well, maybe if she was wearing a troll outfit, or a witch's hat or somethin'... *'''Strong Bad''': I'll let it go for twenty-four cents. *'''Bubs''': Twenty-two and [[W:half cent|a half]]! *'''Strong Bad''': You, my friend... just bought yourself an Aunt Gert. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Marzipan''': Coach Z, may I ask why you're buying up all the "great for baby" items? *'''Coach Z''': I'd prefer that ya didn't. <Hr width=“50% “/> '''Strong Bad''': Obviously, wasting your Saturday morning just to sell $3.19 worth of trash isn't the real reason to have a garage sale. It's to get people out of their houses so The Cheat can ransack them! ===Do over (130)=== *'''Strong Bad''': “Richie Z, [[Canada|Can-A-Duh]]” Wait, you're not related to Coach Z, are you, Richie? Or Coach [[W:Zed (letter)|Zed]] as you [[W:Canuck|cah-nooks]] call him. Whoa, ''Coach Zed''. That's way cooler. I'm gonna start calling him that too and maybe he won't suck so bad! ===Modeling (132)=== '''Strong Bad''': I can't wait to get those pictures back from the lab. I can totally see some of them being used in one of those glossy fashion magazines. Y'know, the kind that cost nine bucks and are 97% ads. Like maybe in an ad for those fancy leather shoes that you're supposed to wear without socks. WITHOUT SOCKS! Man! Can you imagine the luxury! ===Bottom 10 (133)=== *'''Strong Bad''': Number Ten is easy: [[w:Wet T-shirt contest|Dry T-Shirt Contests]]. You'll never find a more degrading contest or a larger waste of not water. <hr width="50%"/> *'''Strong Bad''': Number Three is the [[W:death by chocolate|ridiculous trend of giving chocolate desserts dangerous names]]. You know, like, [[W:cardiac arrest|Chocolardiac Arrest]]. <hr width="50%"/> *'''Strong Bad''': Slumming in at Number Two are songs that try to pass off [[W:scat singing|la la's, na na's, and doot do's]] as legit lyrics. As evidenced in Limozeen's bizarrely titled "Feed The Childrens." ''[a portion of the fictitious song is played, consisting of the described gibberish lyrics]'' Ugh, what were they thinking? More like, "We need to feed our children, so we made this terrible song." ===Space Program (138)=== [[File:Albert Einstein Head.jpg|thumb|While the muscular crew will age only a few hours, the cargo, according to our vague understanding of the [[theory of relativity]], will have aged to an incredible one million dollars.]] *'''Strong Bad''': Who doesn't have a space program these days? I mean, don't, like, the Italians [[W:Italian Space Agency|have a space program]]? <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Narrator''': SBASAF [Strong Badian Administration of Some Aluminum Foil] is a [[W:Not-for-profit organization|definitely-for-profit organization]], dedicated to the manned taping of aluminum foil to cardboard. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Narrator''': Our mission objective: to accompany 15 earth dollars on a round trip journey to the closest reaches of space. While the muscular crew will age only a few hours, the cargo, according to our vague understanding of the [[theory of relativity]], will have aged to an incredible one million dollars. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Narrator''': And who is good enough at video games to accept such a dangerous mission? Why, none other than [[W:beef bouillon|beef bouillon]]-aire joyboy Space Captainface. First Lieuteneral Captainface knows the true key to success is to have as many hot '60s-looking girls in your filmstrips as possible. ===High school (140)=== *'''Strong Bad''': Now, I have an extremely [[W:Photographic memory|unphotographic memory]]. So, I guess that'd be more like a drawing, or a doodle. Like a doodle memory. But I would hazard a guess that we were probably just like other cartoons were in high school, i.e. we were [[Scooby-Doo|a team of super sleuths]]. *''[cut to the main characters as teenagers]'' *'''Marzipan''': Stampers! My long lost uncle's abandoned pie factory sure is mysterious. *'''Strong Bad''': Ah, there's no such thing as "mysterious". *'''Homestar Runner''': I don't want to take any chances. We should play in a band, just to be safe. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': In, um, middle school we were a bunch of [[W:Muppet Babies|melon-headed babies with gigantic eyes and ENORMOUS imaginations]]. *''[cut to the main characters as babies]'' *'''Baby Coach Z''': I'm pretending I'm the craptain of the foortball torm! [sic] *'''Baby Strong Bad''': I'm pretending I'm playing better video games! Aw, man! [[W:Adventure (1980 video game)|That freakin' duck swallowed both my pixels]]! *'''Baby Strong Sad''': I'm pretending I'm not sitting next to The Diapersmith. <Hr width=“50% “/> '''Strong Bad''': And going even unnecessarily further back, we were all a bunch of plucky [[W:paramecium|parameciums]] living in Free [[W:Petri Dish|Petri Dish]] USA. <Hr width=“50% “/> '''Strong Bad''': And then, of course, before that we were… [[Roman Empire|Romans]]… living in Roman times. And [[W:Don Knotts|Don Knotts]] was always showing up. ===Secret identity (142)=== *'''Strong Bad''': I got lots of secret identities. Lately, I've been using this one: ''Tip Tappers: Expensive Briefcase Carrier.'' I use Mr. Tappers when I'm on tour and I want to check into a hotel and not be bothered by legions of fans. *[cut to “Bubs’ Motor Lodge”] *'''Bubs''': And what name will this room be under? *'''Strong Bad''': Uh, Tip Tappers, please. Unless some girl asks what room Strong Bad's in. And she's at least a seven out of ten. Or uh... six if she's naked. ===Technology (143)=== [[File:Technologie.jpg|thumb|The word "[[technology]]"... means... "magic". It's basically anything that's really cool that you don't know how it works. And if it breaks, you have to buy a new one.]] *'''Strong Bad''': The word "[[technology]]"... means... "magic". It's basically anything that's really cool that you don't know how it works. And if it breaks, you have to buy a new one. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': And then there's the Lappy, which rules over technology with a 42 pound, allegedly portable fist. Watch as it magically [[W:screen saver|saves this screen]]. The screen is saved, man. This thing's gonna last like 50 years! ===Myths and legends (145)=== '''Strong Bad''': Mysterious Myths or Legendary Legends? Isn't that a show on one of those channels up in the high hundreds? Ya know, like between the CG Dinosaur Channel and the Homes with Rollercoasters in Them Network? ===Candy product (149)=== '''Strong Bad''': Why is it athletes are the only ones with their own candy bars? Shouldn't they have their own brand of, like, [[W:jockstrap|jockstrap]] or divorce lawyer instead? <Hr width=“50% “/> '''Marshie''': [as a “gaseous cloud of marshmallow vapor”] ''YOU CAN’T DESTROY ME!'' ===Alternate universe (150)=== *'''Strong Bad''': Whoa! Where am I? *'''Strong Badman''': STINY! We have a visitor from an alternate universe! *'''Strong Bad''': It's Strong Badman! And his well drawn abs! But... why are we in a crappy apartment instead of a secret underground lair... filled with secret underground gadgets? *'''Strong Badman''': Because mere mortal... this apartment… IS [[W:rent control|RENT CONTROLLED]]! And... water's included. *'''Strong Bad''': Is that why all your faucets are running? *'''Strong Bad''': MU-HU-HA-HA-HAH! Those dimwits down at the public works won't know what hit them! *'''Strong Badman''': So, that's your evil plan? To waste water? *'''Strong Bad''': And not pay for it!! ===Theme song (155)=== [[File:Flag of Ontario.svg|thumb|Oooh, a little south of the border flavor.]] *'''Strong Bad''': “Dear Super Bad, It bugs me how your email show doesn't have a theme song. If it did have a theme song, your show would be a whole lot cooler. Jonathan SHA-HEEEN! [Shaheen], [[w:Ontario|Onté-rio, Kana-DAH]].” Oooh, a little south of the border flavor. Dear Supper Bag, It bugs me how your face doesn't have a not tons of [[W:acne|acne]]. If it did have a not tons of acne, ''you'' would be a whole lot cooler. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': Theme songs are just an excuse for showmakers to make less show. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Commercial narrator''': Do you make butt at your current job? Do you want to make twice butt? A shady online degree is just four clicks away at CGNU online e-niversity. Most colleges take four years to complete. At CGNU, one year equals one click. *'''Senor [sic] Cardgage''': I got fourteen degrees while on my lunch take [sic]. Now I can legally prescribe marriages in the state of Kansattica. *'''Commercial narrator''':Enroll now, and join the e-niversity e-volution e-day. Uh, well, today. That last one didn't quite work out. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': You see, SHA-HEEN? You're basically asking me to dedicate 2 minutes of my 3 to 5 minute email show, to what is essentially a commercial for something you're already watching! ===Road trip (156)=== '''Strong Bad''': Every good road trip needs a good inside joke that only the people that went on the road trip will get. And your friends that didn't go on the road trip will want to... kill your... legs... every time you bring it up. <Hr width=“50% “/> *''[Strong Bad and the Cheat are trapped in their [[W:AMC Gremlin|AMC Gremlin]]]'' *'''Strong Bad''': [deliriously] Look at that little stain over there! That could be a whole 'nother world. With a whole 'nother Strong Bad and The Cheat stuck in a Gremlin. ===Trading cards (157)=== *'''Strong Bad''': Daniel, trading cards are the biggest waste of not a video game on the planet! In fact, I thought trading cards were outlawed the day they invented good graphics. As for that "gum" that comes with them, I'm pretty sure they replaced that with a pink piece of [[W:balsa wood|balsa wood]] back in the early '80s and nobody ever noticed. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': First up is Coach Z's line of vaguely sportsish managerial cards. What self-respecting twelve-year-old doesn't want to collect pictures of the smelly old men behind their favorite sports teams? And who could resist memorizing all these fabulous stats? Ooh, a record high 23 butt pats in '84! *'''Homestar Runner''': And, who do you think was the lucky recipient of all those [wiggles his rear end] butt pats 'cept a one? *'''Strong Bad''': Let me guess, it— *'''Homestar Runner''': No, it was me. It was like I was made to hustle that season. *'''Strong Bad''': So, who got that last butt pat? *'''Homestar Runner''': Oh, I think he gave himself that one. He's re-known for his self-butt pats. *'''Strong Bad''': Yeah, [[W:sex offender registry|“known” in seven states]]. ===Coloring (160)=== *'''Strong Bad''': “Dear awesome"… Oh! Somebody finally got it right! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': Marzipan, what kind of cult are you running here? *'''Marzipan''': Oh, a pretty standard one. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Marzipan''': Anyway, we don't use the term "Skin Flesh". The color you're looking for is "Dermal Discoveries". *'''Strong Bad''': What's that scramble?! What about Lipstick Red? *'''Marzipan''': No, no, no. Too gender-specific. We use "Crimson Suggestion". *'''Strong Bad''': Well, how 'bout Hairspray Blond? *'''Marzipan''': "Vague Pigmentation"! *'''Strong Bad''': Leather Black? *'''Marzipan''': We just call that "Blue". ===4 branches (161)=== *'''Rumble Red''': But, Earthling, they don't have polymascotfoamalate on ''my'' planet. Eh, rumble. *'''The Homestar Runner''': That's 'cause you're a [[Communism|Communest]] [sic] fool, Red! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Singers''': Polymascotfoamalate! *'''The Homestar Runner''': Feed it to the babies. * '''Singers''': Polymascotfoamalate! *'''Old-timey Strong Bad''': Or as a topping on Soured Cream! ===What i want [sic] (163)=== [[File:2023 Ozdoby choinkowe.jpg|thumb|There's no better way to say, "I have no idea what your interests are" than to give someone a present that ceases to be useful the moment it's opened.]] '''Strong Bad'''“: Dear Strong Bad: What do you want for Decemberween? Your holiday spirit, Talon Jendro.” Where'd you get that name? [[George Lucas]]? “Ta'lon J'en-dr'o from the computery generated planet of [[W:Des Moines, IA|Des' Moi-nes'ia]].” Anyways, everybody knows the kind of stuff I want, Ta'lon. A catapult that launches balls of cobras, chainsaw car, subscription to [[W:EGM2|EGM2]], hot step-sister. That email writes itself. It's more important that I establish what I ''don't'' want for Decemberween. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': Our first item is a perennial all-star of bad awful Decemberween presents: the ornament. *'''Marzipan''': There's no better way to say, "I have no idea what your interests are" than to give someone a present that ceases to be useful the moment it's opened. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': Our last gift items are all about the false notion that just because you made something yourself, it's not a worthless piece of crap. *'''Marzipan''': These seashells have office supplies hot-glued to them for absolutely no reason. *'''Strong Bad''' Yes, and the more globs of hot glue I can see, the quicker I throw it in the trash. *'''Marzipan''': This clothespin reindeer ornament is forgettably precious. *'''Strong Bad''' Whoa, homemade ''and'' an ornament. That thing is an anti-gift. If someone gives you one of those, you actually have to pay ''them'' because it's so poor. Uh, probably because ''they're'' so poor. ===Looking old (164)=== [[File:Ricky stenhouse jr. (52261201953).jpg|thumb|Sup my young parsons, I too am [[w:gogurt|so on the go that I drink my yogurt from a tube]].]] *'''Strong Bad''': “Dear Strong Bad, you really do look old, how old are you anyways? Your faithful fan, Andy, H-S-I-A-O [Hsiao] and sometimes Y, from [[Taiwan]].” Look Andyman, my age is a closely guarded secret, protected by a sect of closely guarded monks high atop the Coches Mountains. They would no sooner dance with a goat than divulge my age. But they will bake you some crustly guarded bread! Anyways, whattaya mean I look old? Are you telling me the nightly [[W:nacho cheese|nacho cheese]] [[w:facial treatment|masks]] aren't working? <hr width="50%"/> *'''Strong Bad''': Now what I need is an image overhaul. Something to reconnect me with the youth of today. Something that says— "Sup my young parsons [sic], I too am [[w:gogurt|so on the go that I drink my yogurt from a tube]]". <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Bubs''': We could try [[Apple Inc.|iStrong, or iBad]]... *'''Strong Bad''': We already tried that with lowercase "e"s back in the late '90s. [[W:dot com bubble|We all know where that got us]]. ===Rough copy (170)=== '''Strong Bad''': Man, that kid was going to have so few pants on after we got done suing them off him. And now he's gonna strut around all on-panted waving his pant-covered legs in our faces. <Hr width=“50% “/> '''Strong Bad''': Our case is air-tight. Why stop at pants? We could probably sue that black zip-up hoodie off him now too! ===More armies (172)=== *'''The King of Town''': The drive... the power... the skills... the motivation... the power again... the fortitude... the strive... the ideals... the list of attributes... the Municipality. Honor. Valor. Buttor. [sic] ===Mini-golf (174)=== *'''Strong Bad''': “Someone no-one cares about in [[Iowa]]”, also known as “everyone, in Iowa”. <Hr width=“50% “/> [[File:Blue water2.jpg|thumb|That stuff's just begging for kids to either drink it or pee in it... or worse... ''both''.]] *'''Strong Bad''': Strong Badia doesn't have a place of its own, so when we need to get our tiny golf on, we usually head over to Sweet Puttin' Cakes. And yes, it's every bit as messed up as [[#Crazy cartoon (72)|the cartoon on which it's based]]. In fact, we don't even know how to get there. It's just like, one minute you're thinking about miniature golf... *[Cut to Strong Bad and the cheat in the former’s basement.] *'''Strong Bad''': You know what I love? The smell of that rubber handle on the putters, that you know like a thousand other... people… ''have… touuuuuuuuuuuuched…'' [audio slows to a crawl] *[fade to black] *'''Strong Bad''': [voiceover] ...and the next minute, you're there. *'''Strong Bad''': [appears in Sweet Puttin’ Cakes] Woah! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': And yes, even in this infernal place, you can't escape the blue family recreation water! That stuff's just begging for kids to either drink it or pee in it... or worse... ''both''. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Homestar Runner''': [emerges from the “blue family recreation water”] Whoo! I didn't find my ball, but I did see some exotic marine life! *'''Strong Bad''': Homestar, all that's down there is cigarette butts. *'''Homestar Runner''': And... a bra. *'''Strong Bad''': Sweet! ===Hygiene (176)=== [[File:ISO 7010 M011.svg|thumb|Hygiene is defined as "how close people are willing to stand next to you".]] *'''Strong Bad''': Fifth grade boys?! Man, what happened to the hot college girls that used to email me? You ladies stop your be-pantied pillowfighting and drop me a line! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': Hygiene is defined as "how close people are willing to stand next to you". ===Bike thief (178)=== *'''Strong Bad''': “Hey Strong Bad, I'm at college and I need to keep my bike from being stolen. I figure if I think like a thief, I can figure out how to protect it. So, how would you try to steal my bike? Virginia, [[Michigan|M.I.]]” Oh, not smart enough for [[Massachusetts Institute of Technology|MIT]], huh? Just M.I.? <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': That's how I'd do it, College Bike Owner. So keep away from shrubbery, don't talk to anyone with a clipboard, and avoid putting your bike on the roof of glass skyscrapers. ===Slumber party (180)=== *'''Strong Bad''': According to Coolguy's Law, the popularity of the host is inversely proportional to the amount of fun you can have at their house. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Homestar Runner''': What did you say the name of this family card game was again, Strong Bad? *'''Strong Bad''': This is called Find The Load Bearer. You never played this before? *'''Homestar Runner''': No. Find The Load Bearer, Bed Axe, I never heard of any of these games we're playing. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': Whoa! Jackpot! Blood Bleeder, Head Chopper 2, Scab Wars, Blistergeist? Most of these things have been taken off the market! *'''Homestar Runner''': Oh. Those are off-limits. We're only allowed to play Clapping Party. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': But if you're looking for a guaranteed good time, you need to get invited to an OLDER KID'S slumber party. Anything goes at those things! *''[Cut to Coach Z’s locker room]'' *'''Bubs''': My cousin Louis, he's dead. My cousin Harold, he's dead. *'''Coach Z''': And my back still hurts. And my knees still hurt. And my head still hurts. *'''The King of Town''': Government ain't right! Government ain't right! *'''Bubs'''So : my [[W:escrow|escrow]] carried over into my [[W:lumbago|lumbago]], but then my [[W:sciatica|sciatica]] started acting up. *'''Strong Bad''': Uh, can you guys start using some words that were invented after the year nineteen-oh-zero? *'''The King of Town''': Come now, young whipper-snapper. My fellows and I were just about to start playing at games of chance! *'''Strong Bad''': Lemme guess. That doesn't include Bed Axe. *''[cut back to Strong Bad at his computer]'' *'''Strong Bad''': Uh, you might wanna put a cap on what you define as "older kids." <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': Other than that, you can always look forward to endlessly ridiculing the kid that got picked up early 'cause he misses his mom. Strong Sad used to do that when we'd have slumber parties in our own basement! *'''Strong Sad''': That only happened once! *'''Strong Bad''': Uh-huh... *'''Strong Sad''': A week... *'''Strong Bad''': Keep going. *'''Strong Sad''': For ten years... *'''Strong Bad''': There you go! ===Web comic (181)=== [[File:Sprite comic example.svg|thumb|If you can't draw, never fear, just steal some graphics from your favorite video game, and add yet another unlicensed [[W:sprite comic|pixel comic]] to the overcrowded, overstunk landfill of web comics.]] *'''Strong Bad''': [Webcomics are] all about video games, gamernerds, webgeeks, dorknerds, gamewads, nerdgames, webwebs, and elves. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': Another approach is to just ask for input from your viewers and rip that off for content. [turns around to face the camera] Pfff. What a cop-out. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': Borgorroth of Coolswordorroth shimmies for no man! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': Or if you can't draw, never fear, just steal some graphics from your favorite video game, and add yet another unlicensed [[W:sprite comic|pixel comic]] to the overcrowded, overstunk landfill of web comics. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': Everyone knows that putting “web” in front of words automatically makes them crappier. Just look what happened to “[[W:webpage|pages]]”, and “[[W:webcam|cams]]”, and “[[Blogging|logs]]”. And who could forget the fall of the mighty “[[W:webisode|isode]]”. Ohh, so tragic. ===Yes, wrestling (183)=== [[File:Christopher Daniels 1.jpg|thumb|Being an awesome wrestler has nothing to do with awesome wrestling moves! It’s all about awesome costumes, gimmicks, and dinosaur tranquilizer fueled ranting and raving.]] *'''Strong Bad''': Well, Gardenboy, as a crafty ring veteran, I can let you in on a little secret. Being an awesome wrestler has nothing to do with awesome wrestling moves! It’s all about awesome costumes, gimmicks, and dinosaur tranquilizer fueled ranting and raving. I got my first big break with cable access’ longest named wrestling organization, All World Mid-Pro Shirtless Championship Entertainment or AWMPSCE. Of course they wanted me to be one of those lame masked wrestlers at first, but I have gimmickier plans. ===Diorama (184)=== *'''Strong Bad''': Dioramas shouldn't be wasted, Mollyman. This is probably the only school-approved opportunity to melt small plastic animals and shame our beloved literary characters that you're ever gonna get. I say embrace it! I say deface it!! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': Now let's talk about topics. If the assignment calls for a science diorama, just slap some glue on some cotton balls and ''bang!'' The effects of [[W:cumulonimbus|cumulonimbus]] clouds on sheep, snowmen, aaaand... cotton... balls. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': The easiest way to get around reading an actual book is to make one up yourself! I can't tell you how many dioramas I got out of The King Of Town's Adventures in Giant Cockroachland! Books one through seven. Though with the Internet, it's probably easier for teachers to check your sources than in my day. To get away with that now, you'd also have to make a fake website for the book, and the author, and the publisher, and just to be safe, maybe go ahead and actually write the book. Man, it’s gotten so hard to cheat these days! ===Nightlife (185)=== *'''Strong Sad''': Strong Bad, are you putting on body spray? *'''Strong Bad''': Shut up! Guys don't wear body spray. This is uh... the blood... of slain... warrior... mammoths. <hr width="50%"/> *'''Strong Mad''': ''[“reading” fast food bag]'' YOU'RE NOT ON THE LIST! *'''Strong Bad''': The list?! You're looking at a greasy bag of fast food! *'''Strong Mad''': DON'T BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF! ''[laughs]'' *'''Strong Bad''': Wait, what? Strong Mad, did you just make a ''joke''?! <hr width="50%"/> *'''Marzipan''': You don't look like you're having very much fun, Strong Sad. *'''Strong Sad''': Oh I'm having a great time. This is my favorite club to go to, and not dance. Sometimes I'll even think about dancing, and then not dance. And if I'm feeling really crazy, I'll actually get out on the dance floor, and bust some fresh not-dancing. *'''Marzipan''': Then how about I start busting some fresh not-hanging-out-with-you. <hr width="50%"/> *'''Strong Bad''': ''[voiceover]'' And at some point during the night, we all get "treated" to Coach Z attempting to [[W:freestyle rap|freestyle]]. *'''Coach Z''': One two one two, 'bout to freestyle... One, two? One two? *'''Strong Bad''': ''[voiceover]'' I mean... count to two over and over again. ===Winter pool (187)=== *'''Gel-Arshie''': I'M AN ABOMINATION! And I'm comin' to your house after school! *'''Strong Bad''': ''[voiceover]'' Y'know, I really think those Marshie commercials ought to be rated [[W:NC-17|NC-17]]. ''[caption appears in the top left corner, reading "NC-17, Needlessly Creepy times 17"]'' ===Licensed (190)=== *'''Strong Bad''': The true sign of being famous is in the unlicensed stuff! And we're all over that! In fact, we've got our own application process for becoming an officially licensed unlicensed seller of Strong Bad and The Cheat knock-offs. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': The main requirements are that the country of manufacture has changed name five times since I was in seventh grade; that you sell your wares from a blanket; that you always refer to the selling of our items as "numba [sic] one bargain!"; and that one of us has to have a human nose. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': Just as I suspected! Totally legit looking stuff! Where are the human noses? The misspellings? The choking hazards? *'''Bubs''': That's the kind of stuff I usually sell at the concession stand. This is the black market, man! *'''Strong Bad''': So, wait a minute. Your shady bootleg operation peddles quality goods, while your legal store front sells dangerous crap? *'''Bubs''': Exactly. I got a repatation to uphold! ===Buried (191)=== *'''Strong Sad''': I think that's just the cap of a bottle of Cold Ones Dry. You could probably just pick it up. *'''Strong Bad''': What, are you crazy? I'm not touching that thing! It's booby trapped! It'll shoot a bunch of poison-tipped witch doctors at me! <Hr width=“50% “/> '''Strong Bad''': Quit ruining my ruins, [[Jurassic Park (film)|Jurassic Dork]]! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Bubs''': [shows up with numerous barrels of toxic waste] Anyways, I'm here for my weekly, Ahem, "delivery". *'''Strong Bad''':Yeah, yeah, just bury it wherever. But if you uncover any ruins, or hot aliens, or riches, they're mine, OK? *'''Bubs''': Uh, what about fellas named Rich? *'''Strong Bad''': Wha-what? No, I don't know anyone named Rich. *'''Bubs''': OK, good. ''Then he can stay where he is''. *'''Strong Sad''': Uh, is there anyway I can unhear the last few sentences? Or years of my life? ===Rated (193)=== [[File:Triple-R rating.png|thumb|In triple R -rated movies, you can show bullets go all the way through people! In the front, through their guts and organs and breakfast and RIGHT OUT the BACK! That is nasty, man!]] '''Strong Bad''': The only thing better than [[W:R-rated|R-rated]] movies are double and triple R-rated movies! Let me break down the subtle differences for you. In an R-rated movie, the good guy only blows people up in self-defense. But double R -rated movies are allowed to blur the line! Man, I saw this one double R-rated movie, where the good guy stepped on this rabbit, and he didn't kill it, but then later on in the movie, he wished he did! The GOOD GUY! That's messed up, man! You can't let kids watch that kind of thing! Then in triple R -rated movies, you can show bullets go all the way through people! In the front, through their guts and organs and breakfast and RIGHT OUT the BACK! That is nasty, man! <Hr width=“50% “/> '''Strong Bad''': Only three have ever been made: ''Women's Penitentiary Bakesale Nightmare'', The ''Fists of Knuckles'' series, and ''Axe-Gun: Legends of the Brain-Outener''. They even banned those movies in [[W:Transylvania|Transylvania]], where you're required by law to eat puppies for breakfast. And even if a theater were showing it, which ours conveniently is, you gotta be like sixty-something years old just to buy tickets. ===Specially marked (194)=== [[File:Flag of Iowa.svg|thumb|The first hazard to watch out for are cereals that include anything grown in [[Iowa]] in the name. You know— corn, wheat, oats, hogs, fundamentally-sound college basketball players. Please, stay away from these.]] *'''Strong Bad''': Well before you get the toys inside, you first have to navigate the treacherous, jaggedy rock filled class 5 rapids of specially marked cereal box fake outs! Luckily, I'm a lame sandal wearing hippie with a ponytail that's been down these rapids with groups of tourists many times! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': The first hazard to watch out for are cereals that include anything grown in [[Iowa]] in the name. You know— corn, wheat, oats, hogs, fundamentally-sound college basketball players. Please, stay away from these. Those cereals only ever put fitness-related crap in specially marked boxes. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': You know what kind of toys I'd put in specially marked boxes? […] Anything heavy and pointy enough to do lasting damage to the face. ===Love poems (195)=== [[File:Candle light, pillar candle.jpg|thumb|Your eyes, they flicker like a Sandalwood Sage Sunset. Your hair flows like Fresh Cotton Linens hung to dry on the deck. Grandma's Apple Cinnamon Spice is the scented candle I would use to describe your mouth. And your nose: like an unscented emergency candle for when the power goes out.]] [[File:Trifolium sp., Adana 01.jpg|thumb|Tis ne'er e'er o'er m'lo'er o' clo'er.]] '''Strong Bad''': Did you know that writing love poems is as easy as telling a girl she's hot with the fance-pantsiest words you can think of? For poetic inspiration, I like to swipe the names of scented candle fragrances! “''Your eyes, they flicker like a Sandalwood Sage Sunset. Your hair flows like Fresh Cotton Linens hung to dry on the deck. Grandma's Apple Cinnamon Spice is the scented candle I would use to describe your mouth. And your nose: like an unscented emergency candle for when the power goes out.''” <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': Another way of fancying up a love poem is to replace random letters in the middle of words with apostrophes. "It is never ever over, my lover of clover" becomes "'Tis ne'er e'er o'er m'lo'er o' clo'er". *'''Coach Z''': ''[suddenly leans in]'' Now you're sporkin' my language! *'''Strong Bad''': Get out! ===being mean (199)=== '''Strong Bad:''' Oh, wait. Being mean is the best choice there, too. Look, this is clearly not a job for me, Nice Dad. (Translation: Uncool Dad) But when it comes to teaching kids about behavior and choices and various other words from parenting books, there’s only one place to look for answers: the drama club! ===Hremail 3184 (201)=== '''Strong Bad:''' “Dear Strong Bad, What was the coolest explosion you ever saw? From Kelly, [[USA|Ūsa]].” Mmmm! An exotic lady from the far east! That's kind of a vague question don'tcha think? That's like me asking, "Dear Kelly, what's your favorite molecule of air that you've breathed?" Or "What's your favorite Strong Bad muscle that you wanted to rub with hot oils?" You gotta narrow it down somehow. Like, do you wanna know about the coolest looking explosion I ever rigged up in Strong Sad's org-ethnic breakfast pouch on a Tuesday? <Hr width=“50% “/> '''Strong Bad''': Everybody knows that the more spit it takes to describe an explosion, the cooler said explosion was. And the cooler said explosion-talker-abouter is! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Sad''': Well, you know, Announcerman, that's right! All you gophers out there better listen up! The Magnificent Marzipan stole all Gardenboy's garden tools! And I don't care if she's the women's champion, men's champion, the half-woman half-man's champion, bu- Do we have one of those? *'''Announcerman''': Er, yes, I believe we do. *'''Strong Sad''': Well, can I fight them instead? ===Imaginary (202)=== *'''Strong Bad''': “Dear. Streer. Beer. My brother had a friend over today and he drove me crazy!! What should I do about it? Crudfully, Henry Wisner, ''[[Wisconsin|why?]]''” “Crudfully”? Really? What, was your mom sitting over your shoulder when you typed this email? And is your mom the kind of lady that won't let you type the word “crap”? Don't get me wrong, I still woulda made fun of you if you had typed “crapfully”, I prolly would have just left your moms out of it. ===Independent (203)=== *'''Strong Bad''': Independent films are called that for a reason: they are independent of anything good. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Sad''': I minored in holding on wide shots for too long! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': [An indie film director will] spend his 30-million dollar budget trying as hard as he can to make it look like he only spent a few hundred thousand. The first step is to spend millions on a hand-drawn title sequence that looks like it was made by some Junior High kid during Pre-Algebra. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': The title of the movie is either two of the cleverly named main characters, or the city and state in which it takes place. Ooh, in fact, just call it "city, comma, state". <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': an indie film's plot is pretty much the same as any summer blockbuster, but just switch out any mention of the word "space" with the word, "small factory town", replace "aliens" with "quirky, dysfunctional family", And replace "voyage" with... "journey". ===Videography (205)=== *'''Strong Bad''': Hopefully that will be enough to keep your wife from wondering why her video media technologist husband wasn't smart enough to think of putting a video camera on a tripod across the room and press record. But you could probably also get away with just putting a label that says "WEDDIN [sic] TAPE" on a VHS cassette since none-out-of-none couples actually ever watch their wedding video. Unless of course a baby drops an f-bomb, somebody pukes in their toupee, or Grandmaw Auntpaw rolls down the stairs in her wheelchair. In which case you simply post it online and turn it into internet gold! And I can definitely arrange for some of that stuff to happen at your wedding, if you enlist my services as an "event coordinator." ===The next april fool’s thing (208)=== *'''Strong Bad''': “Sincerely, Mollie B.” Oh, that is a waste of a perfectly good middle "B" initial, Mollie! Lemme fix that for ya! “Sincerely, Mollie B. Chowdwerworth Gruelmanger”. You know, of the Puntington Farms Gruelmangers. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': For motivation, I do what any great coach does, and berate myself until I get results or until I quit the team and press charges! *[Cut to Strong Bad shouting at himself in a mirror] *'''Strong Bad''': Chowderworth Gruelmanger?! You call that an overly-complicated old-timey last name?! That is bush-league, son! I am sick and tired of this crap! And [[W:Bobby Knight|I'm sick of losing to Purdue]]! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Homestar Runner''': Always be'sing and do'sing! And never cheesing or choosing! Always be'sing and do'sing! *'''Strong Bad''': Er... Homestar? *'''Homestar Runner''': And never cheesing or choosing! *'''Strong Bad''': Homestar! *'''Homestar Runner''': Yeah, what? *'''Strong Bad''': You're in my house. *'''Homestar Runner''': Yup. *'''Strong Bad''': Again. *'''Homestar Runner''': Yeppers. *'''Strong Bad''':: Aaand you brought a boulder. *'''Homestar Runner''': Not me. [[W:Plate tectonics|Plate tectonics]]. *'''Strong Bad''': What are you doin' in here, man?! *'''Homestar Runner''': Oh. Well, I heard you talking about motivation and inspiration, and I decided to brush off my old ABD's! *'''Strong Bad''': Umm, Aloud But Deadly? *'''Homestar Runner''': You don't know about the ABD's, Strong Bad? *''[long beat; electronic whine can be heard in the background]'' *'''Strong Bad''': ''[whispering]'' I'm just gonna stay silent in the hope that you won't tell me what it means. *'''Homestar Runner''': Always be'sing and do'sing! *'''Strong Bad''': You say that like it clarified anything. *'''Homestar Runner''': Rules for an inspired life, Strong Bad. No matter what you do, or where you are, always be's be'sing and do'sing. *'''Strong Bad''': So you started a cult. *'''Homestar Runner''': Yeah, kinda. For instance, I am currently be'sing on this boulder, and I am do'sing an ABD workshop with you. *'''Strong Bad''': Oh, okay. Then I am be'sing full of rage, and do'sing a roundhouse kick to your face! *'''Homestar Runner''': Nooope, nope nope, that was some prime choosing you committed right there. Did you see it? *'''Strong Bad''': Wait, what's wrong with choosing?! *'''Homestar Runner''': Cheesing and choosing. The antithesis of be'sing and do'sing! If you're choosin', you're losin'. *'''Strong Bad''': Just because something rhymes doesn't mean it's good life advice! *'''Homestar Runner''': Ah! And that's a perfect example of cheesing! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Homestar Runner''': Changin' attitudes with rhymin' platitudes! ===Parenting (209)=== '''Strong Bad''': And so Mike Morkleson— I-I don't know if that's your last name but you just seem like a real Morkleson —thus ended my brief foray into the soirée of fatherhood. I've distilled it all down into 3 main points, so you can remember: Number one: Babies are totally boring for the first nine months. Give to Grandma. 2. Keep a drawer full of useless keys and TV remotes for some reason. And number 3. That much ballyhooed 'new baby smell' people are always talking about, it just smells like crap! Babies just smell like crap! You just get used to it!! Don't let 'em fool you! It's not a good smell! BABIES SMELL LIKE CRAAAAAAAP! ==Teen Girl Squad== [[File:Gilbert Stuart Williamstown Portrait of George Washington.jpg|thumb|Woot.]] ''Note: the series is a show-within-a-show. All the characters are “voiced” by Strong Bad'' *'''The girls''': ''[Repeated line]'' SOOOOO GOOD! ===Issue 1=== *'''Narrator''': ARROWED!!! ===Issue 3=== *'''So and So''': Before we shop, how about some PAN-ASIAN CUISINE? *'''The Ugly One''': Three [[W:spring roll|spring rolls]], please. *''[chef throws spring rolls at The Ugly One]'' *'''Chef''': [[W:MSG|MSG]]'D!! *'''The Ugly One''': Ow! My stomach lining! ===Issue 4=== *'''What’s Her Face''': When you fall in a bottomless pit, you die of starvation. <hr width="50%"/> *'''Narrator''': ''[in a sinister tone as possums approach]'' '''Possummmms...''' ===Issue 5=== *'''The Ugly One''': [thinking] I hope nobody cool or famous is staring at me. *[ [[George Washington]], [[Abraham Lincoln|Abe Lincoln]], and [[Henry Rollins]] appear and point at The Ugly One.] *'''George Washington''': Look, look at that girl. *'''So and So''': She's my friend, but not my best. [beat] Now who wants to tandem parasail with me? *'''George Washington''': Woot. *'''Abe Lincoln''': Woot. *'''Henry Rollins''': Woot. ===Issue 7=== *'''Toddler What’s her Face''': I can count to G! *'''Toddler Cheerleader''': That's nothing. I can count to purple backwards! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Toddler What’s her Face''': Here comes Tompkins. *'''Tompkins''': Listen up, you undapants! Who wants to get hogtied, and pushed down, into, some snakewater? *'''Toddler The Ugly One''' Tompkins, how do you be so short? *'''Tompkins''': Heck, I'm taller than you. *'''The girls''': TOMPKINS MADE A SWEAR!!! *'''Tompkins''': Waaaahh! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Toddler What’s her Face''': Tompkins crinkled when he walked. *'''Toddler So and So''': Poor guy never made it out of training pants. ===Issue 9=== *'''Cheerleader''': Okay, my art galleries, let's get ready to be... *'''The girls''': SOOOOO DEAD! ===Issue 10=== [[File:The WB Network logo.svg|thumb|I don't think I can stomach another show not on [[W:the WB|the WB]].]] *'''The Ugly One''': So... who wants to come to my sweet someteen birthday bash tonight? *'''What’s Her Face''': Is it going to be [[W:Nick at Nite|Nick at Nite]] themed again? *'''So and So''': I don't think I can stomach another show not on [[W:the WB|the WB]]. *'''Cheerleader''': No! We can't come. We have... the... [[Olympic Games|Olympics]]... tonight! *'''The Ugly One''': Oh, cuz it's a boy/girl party... *'''Cheerleader and So and So''': a B'GRL PRTY?!? *'''What’s Her Face''': Taking the vowels out of words doesn't always make them cool. *'''So and So''': 'm srry. <Hr width=“50% “/> '''Narrator''': [[W:pwned|Puh-owned]]! Or however you say that... <Hr width=“50% “/> '''Strong Sad''': [after catching Strong Bad making out with a picture of The Ugly One] Uh, Strong Bad, were you just [[W:baseball metaphors for sex|first-basin' it]] with that piece of loose-leaf?! ===Issue 12=== *'''Cheerleader''': ''[to So and So]'' Shut yer plaid skirted face! Here comes a boy! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''The Ugly One''': Owww! My the fact that I was alive a second ago! *'''So and So''': I'll notify her next of... uh... fruit cup. ''[to fruit cup]'' I'm so sorry to have to tell you this... *'''Cheerleader''': Stop talking to fruit! Valentimes ''[sic]'' is serious times! *'''So and So''': -tines. *'''Cheerleader''': What? *'''So and So''': Valen-TINES!! T-I-N— ''[So and So is run over by a [[W:formula 1|formula 1]] car driven by [[W:tine (structural)|a fork]]]'' *'''Cheerleader''': As I was saying, Vamlumtime's ''[sic]'' Day is serious times. ===Issue 13=== '''Momkins''': Listen, I'll be at a place until a time, my cell phone number is some numbers, the baby needs stuff, what’s poison control? Punch Tompkins in the gut, good luck. SHE GONE! <Hr width=“50% “/> '''So and So''': [Holding up a book called "<s>urban legends</s> i mean health class" [sic]] Don't you remember health class?! YOU’LL MICROWAVE THE BABY!! ===Issue 15=== [[File:Vocaloid + HRP-4C Miim collaboration (clip), Yamaha booth, CEATEC JAPAN 2009.jpg|thumb|You'd think I'd be into life-size, realistic robots, but that thing makes me wanna barf up my earlier energy drink into the one I'm currently drinking.]] *'''Cheerleader''': Oh my grash, gals! Guess who just got a date for the priggidy prizom?! *'''What’s Her Face''': I'm a little rusty on my white girl gangsta. Does that mean you're dating a pretty prism? *'''So and So''': No no, that's the name of this year's prom. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Japanese Culture Greg''': Come on Chizuko, we're too cool for the prom anyway. *'''Chizuko''': Welcome, American investor, to [[ W:Consumer electronics show|2005 Consumer Robotics]] Show! *'''Sci-fi Greg''': You'd think I'd be into life-size, realistic robots, but that thing makes me wanna barf up my earlier energy drink into the one I'm currently drinking. *''[Chizuko vaporizes Japanese Culture Greg]'' *'''Narrator''': [[W:UNCANNY VALLEY|UNCANNY VALLEY]]'D! *'''Japanese Culture Greg''': THIS IS A DREAM COME TRUE! ==Marzipan’s Answering Machine== ===Version 2.0=== *'''Strong Bad''': Uh, yes, hello there Mrs. Pan. This is, uh, Detective Everybody down here at the station. And um, and we got your boyfriend Homestar down here and, uh, he's dead. Beca— we killed him, because he was so stupid that we had to shoot him, to keep h-him from being even more stupid. So if you wanna come down and I.D. the body, there's not much left... we put about 37 slugs in him, eh-and things don't look too good. Uh, so if you could come down we would appreciate it, right now, um, to come look at your dead boyfriend. ''[cracking up]'' Okay, have a good day. ===Version 17.2=== [[File:Planking in a kitchen.jpg|thumb|Etched into the halls of history!]] [[File:OUYA-Console-set-h.png|thumb|Written in [[W:Sharpie|Sharpie]] on the bathroom wall of history!]] [[File:Jeremy Lin Adidas (cropped).jpg|thumb|Carved into the tree trunk of history!]] [[File:Google Glass photo.JPG|thumb|Blinking photographs into the profile pics of history!]] *'''Strong Bad''': Oh dang! Oh dang muffins! Oh dang muffins pie! OH DANG MUFFINS PIE À LA MODE! This is gonna be the best April Fools' Day prank call ever! Now you're sure the science is sound? The battle axes and [[W:cheese whizz|Cheez Wheezes]] will actually get through the phone lines? *'''The Cheat''': ''[gibberish]'' *'''Strong Bad''': Oh... [[W:fiber optics|fiber optics]]... makes sense, makes sense... <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Homestar Runner''': Oh, man, Marzipan! Have you heard about the new internet craze, [[W:planking (fad)|planking]]? It is gonna be around forever, and I'm gonna be doing it forever! Etched into the halls of history! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': ''[smoothly]'' Good afternoon, Mrs. Pan. This is Vince Napmaker from public radio's "The World is my Butt". We wanted to call you to thank you for being a continued supporter of public radio. But we wanted to ask you if you'd be willing to increase your support. Every dollar counts. Do you have any idea how much it costs to act like you're this much better than everyone else? And furthermore, our uppity podcasts aren't going to create themselves. So please, as always, for the sake of tote bags everywhere, put a bunch of cash in a paper and/or plastic bag and leave it on the doorstep. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Homestar Runner''': Oh man, Marzipan. [[W:Kickstarter|Kickstarter]] sensation the [[W:Ouya|Ouya]], they're gonna make games for that thing for the rest of eternity! Mark my words, every game that comes out from now until the end of time will also come out on the Ouya. Gonna outlive [[W:Sony|Sony]], [[Nintendo]], [[W:Coleco|Coleco]], Canseco<ref>There is no such company; however there was formerly a [[W:Conseco inc.|Conseco]], now known as CNO Financial Group.</ref>, [[W:Jaleco|Jaleco]], all of the heavy hitters. Anyways, I can't wait to be playing Ouya games in fifteen years, or even like, five months! Written in [[W:Sharpie|Sharpie]] on the bathroom wall of history! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Homestar Runner''': Oh, man, Marzipan, I don't think I'm feeling so good. I think I've got a bad case of... [[W:Linsanity|Linsanity]]! Oh, man! Have you seen this kid? [[W:Jeremy Lin|Jeremy Lin]]! He can't be stopped! He's gonna score thirty points a game for the rest of his career! The [[W:Knicks|Knicks]] are never gonna let this guy go! Face of the franchise. I will never forget Linsanity. Carved into the tree trunk of history! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Sad''': Oh, hey Marzipan. It's Strong Sad. Uh, I've just been feeling really depressed, 'cause, because I haven't been acting very depressed. It used to be my thing, but I don't feel like I get to be sad and depressing anymore, like I used to. So I just want to kinda beef up my numbers in the sad and depressing column. So I may be leaving you some messages, you know sort of dark, inner demons, and that kind of thing. Should be fun. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': ''[robotically]'' Greetings, Marzipan. This is an automated call from Grody Lab Results, Incorporated. Your test results are: negative. *'''Strong Sad''': ''[in the background]'' Negative is ''good'' when you're talking about lab results! *'''Strong Bad''': ''[normal voice]'' Wait, what? Oh, ''[resumes speaking robotically]'' your test results are: positive. ''[normal voice]'' Are you sure? It sounds like I'm giving her good news. *'''Strong Sad''': I don't want to be party to this! *'''Strong Bad''': They should be less confusing. ''[robotically]'' Your test results are: terrible. And you're dying, or possibly already dead by the time you get this. If you want us to perform experimental surgery on you and, like, sew a llama head onto your existing head, please call back during regular putting-llama-heads-on-people hours and we will schedule an appointment. This prank call has not been my finest execution. Thank you and have a nice day. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Homestar Runner''': Oh man, Marzipan. Can you hear that? That is the majestic hush of a paradigm shift. That's right. Me and Pom Pom are waiting in line for our [[W:Google Glass|Google Glass]]! I can't wait to be like, lookin' through this thing! And like, seein' other things! I honestly can't remember how I lived my life yesterday, without Google Glass. These things are gonna change the way they build cities! I'm talkin' [[Jeff Bezos|Bezos]] segway style. Alright, I gotta go. It's almost me and Pom Pom's turn! Blinking photographs into the profile pics of history! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': ''[unconvincing “foreign” accent]'' Oh, yes, Marzipan. This is your foreign boyfriend, Rongardo Shavemybody. It's so nice to hear your voice again on machine of answers. I miss all the time we spent in foreign lands together, havin' exotic foods. I'm visiting your country now, and want you to come and meet with me. I hear there's a lovely little café in a place called Strong Badia. Would you go, please, and wait for me there? As is the custom of my people, I will be very late, and you should wait for a really long time. You will think that it is too long to be waiting, but I assure you is the custom of my payple ''[sic]'', and you don't want to be offending my payple, do you? Alright. I kiss you on both sides of your cheek and underneath your chin. As is the custom of... a-my PAYple. And now I bid you farewell in the most prime language of my country. [[W:Braunschweiger|Braunschweiger]]! ==Strong Bad’s Disc 4 of 12== ===[[W:FriendlyWare|FriendlyWare]]=== *'''Strong Bad''': All right, let's see, what else we got? "Eye & Hearing Test"? How'd they sneak that one onto the top menu? That should definitely be between, like, the Amortaninazation Calculator and like, Edgar's Checkbook Balance Blasta. ===[[W:World Games (video game)|World Games]]=== *'''Strong Bad''': "Enter your name." I gotta go with the number one world athletic champion, Loadpast. "Loadpast pick your country!" I see the very current nations of [[Soviet Union|U.S.S.R.]] and [[W:West Germany|West Germany]]. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': Whoa-ho-ho-ho! Nice wipeout! I did, like six 360s! That's like a... ''six-thrixty!'' <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': [Playing the “[[W:Bull Riding|Bull Riding]]” minigame] Whoa, palette swap! That is jarring. [twangy accent] In [[Texas]], we only see things in the taco seasoning spectrum. Who needs [[W:CMYK|CMYK]] when you can have... GMCJ? That's [[W:guacamole|guacamole]], [[W:mole (sauce)|mole]], [[W:cayenne|cayenne]] and [[W:jalapeño|jalapeño]]. ==Strongest Man in the World== *'''Homestar Runner''': Everybody loves the me! I'm a terrific athlete! ==The Homestar Runner Gets Something Stuck in his Craw== *'''Strong Bad''': ''[narrating a picture book]'' Strong Bad and his The Cheat rolled up and started talking smack. ''[in awkward monotone]'' "You look dumb and stuff! Doing yardwork is only for the loseriest of losers!" <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': "Ha ha ha ha! That guy is talking to a thing that's not a person!" cackled Strong Bad with sort of a nose. <hr width="50%"/> *'''Homestar Runner''': Bravo, Strong Bad. You simply must read one more. *'''Strong Bad''': Ohh, fine, fine. So I shall. How about The Strong Sad Wets Yonder Bed? *'''Strong Sad''': ''[leans in]'' There is no such kids' book! == The Best Decemberween Ever == *'''Strong Bad''': Okay, let's see what we got from Homestar here... *'''Homestar Runner''': Open it! Open it! That one's from me. It took me forever to pick it out! *'''Strong Bad''': What?! The [[Deep Impact]] DVD?! You got me this for like the last three years, man! *'''Homestar Runner''': I know! And you liked it so much, I decided to get it for you again! *'''Strong Bad''': Oh, man! This is the worst Decem— *'''Homestar Runner''': This is the best Decemberween ever! ==Flash is Dead!== *'''Strong Bad''': Now listen. I've got enough classic motion [[W:tweening|tweens]] and deprecated actions in ol' F-Sack here to last us at least six months until we can learn [[W:HTML5|HTML5]]. *'''Homestar Runner''': Ooh, I know what that stands for! Hyper-Text Markup Lotion! ''[holds up lotion]'' Let me poop a little bit out for you. ''Thbbt thbbt thbbt''. *'''Strong Bad''': Nope, nope, nope, [[W:the land of ten-thousand lakes|the land of ten-thousand nopes]]. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': Homestar, the death of Flash is equivalent to a giant meteor heading straight for the Earth! *'''Homestar Runner''': Oohhh, I got you. Sounds like somebody's asking for another heaping helping of... Deep Impact! Strong Bad, this is [[Morgan Freeman|Morgan]] [[The Shawshank Redemption|Shawshank]], I need you to hit that meteor with every [[W:Robert Duvall|Duvall]] you've got. *'''Strong Bad''': Never mind. I'll be in Bubs' fallout shelter if anybody needs me. Good luck with yourself, Homestar. *'''Homestar Runner''': [[W:I don't want to miss a thing|I don't want to miss a thing]]! *'''Strong Bad''': [[Armageddon (film)|Wrong movie]]. *'''Homestar Runner''': Wait, [[W:twin films|those were two different movies]]? But they both came out, like, [[w:1998 in film|the same summer]] even. <Hr width=“50% “/> [[File:Planetoid crashing into primordial Earth.jpg|thumb|HOPE n’ STUFF!]] *HOPE n’ STUFF! **”Tagline” to Deep Impact <Hr width=“50% “/> *Oh man! Oh dang man! **”Quote” from [[W:Jeffery Lyons|Jeffery Lyons]] on the cover of the Deep Impact DVD ==Bug in Mouth Disease== [[File:Shakespeare.jpg|thumb|And that's why come [[William Shakespeare|Shakespeare]] was so awesome.]] *'''TV narrator''': And that's why come ''[sic]'' [[William Shakespeare|Shakespeare]] was so awesome. *'''Strong Sad''': Oh! I see now. *'''Strong Bad''': Hey, [[W:Dairy Queen|Dairy Queen]]. *'''Strong Sad''': I already told you, I don't want to be called that any more! I made a mistake! *'''Strong Bad''': Oh, sorry, Dairy Queen. Anyways, look. I just thought you should know that all your underwears somehow ended up individually priced and labeled in an online auction. *'''Strong Sad''': Nobody buy the blue ones! ''[vacates the couch and runs out]'' *'''Strong Bad''': That was too easy. Now to settle down for the 24-hour Caleb Rentpayer marathon! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Tuxworth''': ''[on TV]'' Caleb, were you making a little tent out of my jacket? *'''Caleb''': ''[on TV]'' I am now! *'''Strong Bad''': Yeah, you make that little tent, Caleb! He's not the boss of you! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Bubs''': I've got terrible, terrible news, Homestar. *'''Homestar Runner''': Oh, no! Is it about the good times? *'''Bubs''': I'm afraid you've got no [[W:pancreas|pancreas]]. But I do happen to have [[W:Organ trade|a fresh one for sale]] right here! *'''Homestar Runner''': Bubs, are you an unethical quack? *'''Bubs''': The most quackinest! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Homestar Runner''': Strong Bad, I really need your help. *'''Strong Bad''': And I really need to find out who shot Caleb Rentpayer! *'''Homestar Runner''': Oh, that's easy. I did. *'''Strong Bad''': You-ka— w-wha? *'''Tuxworth''': ''[on TV]'' Homestar Runner... did you shoot Caleb? *'''Homestar Runner''': ''[on TV]'' I sure did. *'''Strong Bad''': You traitor! You shot my favorite TV show! ==Sickly Sam's Big Outing== *'''Announcer''': Listen up, short children! It's the Fluffy Puff Air-Puffed Sugar Delights Presents The Homestar Runner Progrum ''[sic]''! In ''a'' color! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''The Homestar Runner''': Now let's get you dressed to the five and three-quarterses. ''[puts a bow tie on Sickly Sam]'' *'''Sickly Sam''': I do believe you've spicked my span. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Sickly Sam''': ''[observing a hole in the boardwalk]'' What a pleasant hole. I can't say 'nough good things about this hole. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Old-Timey Strong Bad''': Curses, you bone-legged boob! I'll pump you generously full of lead, shot at high velocity out of my pistola so as to pierce the flesh! Or in your case, the burlap sack! ''[Sickly Sam grabs him and begins swallowing him, very slowly]'' Rrrah! I can't believe I'm being eaten! What a tragedy! I was supposed to sell you to the glue factory and whatnot! I can't believe I'm still being eaten! This is taking so much longer than I expected! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Old-Timey Strong Bad''': ''[after being eaten]'' Curses! All they've got in here is [[W:Parcheesi|Parcheesi]]! Can't a gentle-man ''[sic]'' at least get a game of, say, pole-dagger, or [[W:Polynesia|Polynesian]] [[W:Roulette|Roulette]]? What manner of uncivilized ribcage is this, anyways? ==Mr. Shmallow== *'''Mr. Shmallow''': Each delight is hand puffed with a blend of only the finest airs. Air-puffing is surely the future of eating ''delicious'' foodstuffs. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Mr. Shmallow''': Add open flames to create a ''flavor taste'' that will send you ''to the moon!'' <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Mr. Shmallow''': Look lively. LOOK LIVELY! *'''The Homestar Runner''': ''[watching Shmallow on TV]'' That monster's gonna give me nightmares. ==That a Ghost== *'''The Homestar Runner''': Guess what I read in the news-papper ''[sic]'' today. *'''Old-Timey Marzipan''': I can't guess. *'''The Homestar Runner''': I read that a ghost. *'''Old-Timey Marzipan''': You read that a ghost what? *'''The Homestar Runner''': I read that a ghost is. *'''Old-Timey Marzipan''': You read that a ghost is what? *'''The Homestar Runner''': I read that a ghost is here in town and there's a 27 cent ree-ward for its capture. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Old-Timey Strong Bad''': Says here in the news-papper ''[sic]'' that the encapturement of the new apparition garners top reward of 26 and one pennies. We could buy the monocle off [[John D. Rockefeller|Rockefeller's]] very eyeball with that kind of cash! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Old-Timey Strong Bad''': You're too late! The reward will be ours! I'll be marching around in gold pants in no time! *'''Old-Timey Marzipan''':: Where's the ghost? *'''Old-Timey Strong Bad''': Behold! The fantoustic ''[sic]'' phantasm. *'''The Homestar Runner''': That's no ghost. That's just our worst friend Sickly Sam. *'''Sickly Sam''': I bury myself alive on Tuesdays. *'''Old-Timey Strong Bad''': Criminy crickets! Foiled again! ==Meet Marshie== *'''Marshie''': Stuff some in your pockets for ''SEEECRET EATING!!!'' <hr width=“50% “/> *'''Marshie''': Now try new Fluffy Puff All-Marshmallow Mayonnaise. [in a bizarre, creepy high-pitched whisper] ''Made from the be-e-e-st stuuuuuff~'' <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Homestar Runner''': I hate that freakin' marshmallow. ==Malloween Commercial== *'''Marshie''': ''[crying backstage]'' WHAT MORE DO THEY WANT?! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': I thought you said you were the star of this one. *'''Homestar Runner''': Oh, right. I made that up. But I did get to keep this cool eyeball. Seeeee! Seeee! *'''Strong Bad''': What are you doing!? *'''Homestar Runner''': Isn't that the sound that um... eyeballs make? ==Strong Bad is a Bad Guy== *'''Strong Mad''': A GLOWY BOX! A GLOWY BOX! *'''Strong Bad''': A glowy box? Are you sure that's what you'd get for your tattoo? *'''Strong Mad''':: IT'S PERSONAL! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Homestar Runner''': Hey guys! H'whatcha teekenbot ''[sic]''? *'''Strong Bad''': We're talking about something cool and interesting. You wouldn't understand. *'''Homestar Runner''': Oh, tattoos, huh? ==The House That Gave Sucky Tricks== *'''Strong Mad''': THIS HALLOWEEN'S NOT WORKING! *'''Strong Bad''': Boy, you said it, Strong Mad. This is the lamest haunted house ever. [looks down] My pants haven't entertained the thought of peeing themselves even once. *'''Homestar Runner''': Scary shoes! *'''Strong Bad''': Really? Spooky shoes? *'''Homestar Runner''': No, no. Scary shoes. Spooky shoes are the next room. *'''Strong Bad''': Homestar, your haunted house is even worse than normal this year. You ever think of using any actual Halloween decorations? *'''Homestar Runner''': No, Marzipan only let me use stuff from the Goodwill donations pile. Incomplete jigsaw puzzle! [throws it towards them, scaring The Cheat] *'''Strong Bad''': This place is a disgrace to haunted houses, haunted hovels, haunted timeshares, and haunted extended stay motels even. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': Then there would be... the gross out room. But instead of severed limbs, and surgeries gone wrong, it's just a silent white room filled with pure stench. And, oh, ho, ho. What a stench it is! Let me lay it on you like a movie trailer: Strong Mad! Oyster! Smoothie! Breath! Caked! Armpit! Latte! *'''Marzipan''': Strong Bad, you know those words in that sequence are illegal. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': There'd also be one of those [[W:Escape room|immersive horror experience rooms]] that are so popular these days. *'''Strong Sad''': OK. Gotta logic this out. Open the vault… before time runs out. Skeleton's pointing at a clue. Am I on the right track? *'''Strong Bad''': [watching on [[W:CCTV|CCTV]]] Yup, just, just reach in the toilet. I just want you to reach in the toilet. *'''Strong Sad''': It's pointing at the toilet. *'''Strong Bad''': It's full of poop. *'''Strong Sad''': But that's just misdirection. *'''Strong Bad''': I just want you to touch the poop. *'''Strong Sad''': They want me to think I should reach in the toilet. *'''Strong Bad''': No! I do want you to reach in the toilet! That is all that I want you to do! *'''Strong Sad''': It's too easy. *'''Strong Bad''': Touch the poop! *'''Strong Sad''': But I know better! *'''Strong Bad''': Touch the freakin' poop!! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': Nowadays, everybody's tired of the same old [[W:evil clown|evil clowns]], undead cheerleaders, and all those bloody-eyed [[W:found footage genre|found footage]] children. But for my haunted house, I will unleash an entirely new horror icon! Say hello to the new face of terror: LARGE BEAN! <Hr width=“50% “/> When nights are chill and filled with doom, <br> again will rise the cursed legume. <br> So if you're out on Hallowe'en, <br> beware the wrath of Largest Bean! *Poem narrated at the end of the short ==Halloween Hijinks== *'''Coach Z''': Aaah... I'm getting too old for hijinks. And the last time I attempted even medium jinks, I t'rew out my torn rubdominal scrimmage. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Commercial narrator''': If you've suffered a torn rubdominal scrimmage, Halloween jinx don't need to be a thing of the past. *'''Coach Z''': They don't? *'''Narrator:''' Lowjinxerol is specially formulated to treat creepy middle-aged ailments, so you'll stop talking about them in public. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Night Watchman Coach Z''': Slow night at City Hall, eh, fellow night watchman? *'''Night Watchman Bubs''': That establishes our location and humdrum routine. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Teenage Homestar''': Stand down, local law enforcement; [[Scooby-Doo|group of random teens]] is here. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Night Watchman Bubs''': When we rushed in here, the mysterious silhouette had vanished. *'''Teenage Strong Bad''' Oh, great. [[#High school (140)|Another fanatical mysterious believer]]. ==Toikey TV== [[File:DeepFriedTurkey.jpg|thumb|Don’t be a jerky, fry that turkey!]] *'''The King of Town''': Hello! I'ma King-a Town, here with an important message about Thanksgiving safety! Specifically, the dangers of not [[W:fried turkey|frying a turkey]]! Each year thousands of families suffer from not fried turkeys. So please, this Thanksgiving, “don't be a jerky, fry that turkey!” <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Marzipan''': All right, all you turkey liberators out there. Here's how we make Marzipan's Famous Thanksgiving [[W:turducken|Faux-ducken]]. Now stuff [[W:millet|millet]] inside of [[W:bulgur|bulgur]], inside of [[W:meat analogue|meatless veggie nuggets]], inside of [[W:tempeh|tempeh]], injected into [[W:bean curd|bean curd]], wrapped in fakin bacon, and baked inside a pair of [[W:hemp|hemp]] toddler pants. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Bubs''': Attention, holiday shoppers! [[W:Black Friday (shopping)|Bubs Friday]] starts Thursday! Doors open at 2 AM! Shoving and trampling starts promptly at 2:05, followed by tear gas and riot police at 2:15. Come on, moms! You know you want to beat each other up over some stupid kids' toy! And if you draw blood, you just might make it onto this year's edition of Mommy Fights! ==The Homestar Runner Enters the Spooky Woods== *'''Strong Bad''': Everybody loves The Homestar Runner. He is an athletic terrife. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Storybook Homestar Runner''': Oh no! I [[Wiktionary:give up the ghost|gave up the ghost]]! *'''Storybook Strong Sad''': You'll stay that way unless you enter the spooky woods and face your 3 fears before the [[W:witching hour|witching hour]]! *'''Strong Bad''': [narrating] Quothed Lord High Plotlayer. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Storybook Homestar Runner''': I, gulp, guess, gulpo, I'm on, gulpamundo, my own, Gulp Fantasy 2000. *'''Strong Bad''': [narrating] Tedioused The Homestar Runner at great risk to the listenability of the story. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Storybook Strong Bad''': All types of drat! *'''Strong Bad''': [narrating] Said Strong Bad, coining an awesome new phrase that will endure throughout the ages. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Storybook Strong Bad''': All types of drat! *'''Strong Bad''': [narrating] Repeated Strong Bad, flirting with oversaturating the market with his new phrase too soon. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Storybook Homestar Runner''': OH NO!! My final fear!! A half-decomposed raccoon being carried around by a family of wet pigeons!! [cut to a disgustingly detailed illustration of just that] *'''Strong Bad''': [narrating] Said the Homestar Runner… in a ''children's'' ''book''. *'''Storybook Homestar Runner''': Awww, but look. The gross wet pigeons think Strong Bad's ping-pong ball is an egg! They're gonna hatch it! ''They were just as gulp of me, as I was gulp of them!'' *'''Strong Bad''': [narrating] Said the Homestar Runner, really shoe-horning some kind of half-baked moral into this thing. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': Join us next week, children, when we read "Strong Bad's Ghost Enters The Homestar Runner, Thereby Possessing Him Demonically". <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': [dressed as ''[[The Wall]]''] [[Syd Barrett|SYD BARRETT]]! *'''Strong Bad''': Uh, sorry, big guy. He wasn't in the band when they made that album. *'''Strong Mad''': UH... [[W:The Dark Side of the Rainbow|WIZARD OF OZ]]!! *'''Strong Bad''': Yeah, nope, wrong album there too. *'''Strong Mad''': MY BODY'S A REALLY HARD SHAPE TO MAKE COSTUMES FOR! ==Where My Hat Is At? (toon)== '''Homestar Runner''': If there's two things I know about the Homestar Runner, it's that everybody loves the him and he's a terrific athlete. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Marzipan''': Hey, where's your hat, Homestar? *'''Homestar Runner''': : I'm sorry, I couldn't understand what you just said. *'''Marzipan''': I said, "Where's your hat?" *'''Homestar Runner''': Yeah, you're not even speaking English at this point. *'''Marzipan''': [sighs] I mean, ''where your hat is at'', Homestar? <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Coach Z''': Well, it's like I always say. A man's uniform is like a temple, wherein he keeps his… uniform when he's not using it. *'''Homestar Runner''': Um, are you suggesting that my hat is inside my hat? *'''Coach Z''': No, I'm suggesting that— *'''Homestar Runner''': Well good, 'cause I already looked and it's not there. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Homestar Runner''': I found my hat just in time to score the winning run. *'''Umpire''': Uh, no, actually it's the bottom of the second, your team's down by 94 points, and you just illegally ran onto the field! *'''Homestar Runner''': Get this, it was between the milk and the Cold Ones! *'''Umpire''': Yeah, yeah, you need to head back to the dugout before I toss you out of here, buster! *'''Homestar Runner''': Man, Mr. Umpire, you sure have a funny way of pronouncing “Homestar Runner's team wins!” *'''Umpire''': Yeah, you're suspended from the league. ==Homestarloween Party== [[File:1971 AMC Gremlin AMO 2015 show - all original 1of6.jpg|thumb| And... the goblin, he had a [[W:AMC Gremlin|Gremlin]]!]] *'''Homestar Runner''': Umm... okay! Once, there was this green gobliiiin... and um, he used to... look aroooound... And um, I guess he did a daaance. Oh man, that was terrible. *'''Bubs''': And... the goblin, he had a [[W:AMC Gremlin|Gremlin]]! And he jacked it up on some fat tires, and uh, and he tuned it up on some 4.11 [[W:Positraction|positrak]] out back, 750 double pumper, [[W:Edelbrock|Edelbrock]] intake, bore over 30, 11-to-1 pop-up pistons turbo jets 390 horsepower! I mean, he had some freakin' muscle! ==The Luau== '''Strong Bad''': Oh man you guys, this party's gonna be crazy-go-nuts! <Hr width=“50% “/> * [the wood for Strong Bad’s bonfire isn’t lighting] *'''Homestar Runner''': Uh-oh. You didn't get it from behind the gazebo, did you? *'''Strong Bad''': Yeah, why? *'''Homestar Runner''': Well, it all started when I decided to drink 32 glasses of melonade... ==Fish Eye Lens== *'''Coach Z''': Strong Bad! Strong Bad, wake up! *'''Strong Bad''': Ah graibes... ...Blackthorne... bougleibes... *'''Coach Z''': The people need your help! *'''Strong Bad''': Wait, the who? *'''Coach Z''': I mean the pyorple!— *'''Strong Bad''': There you go! *'''Coach Z''': They need your help! It's been too long since they had a number one jam. They been scrapin' dope rhymes up off the kitchen floor, just to ''survive!'' *'''Strong Bad''': Another number one jam? All right, I'll do it. ...For the pyorple. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': Things are about to get... BULBOUS. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': Man, fisheye lens, I bet you could make even lame stuff look cool! *'''Coach Z''': Yeah, yeah! *'''Strong Bad''': What about ''tax papers?'' *'''Coach Z''': Oh, look at how cool those papes look! How about a pair of ''tan paaaaants?!'' *'''Strong Bad''': Ooooh! Somebody say ''country dish towel?!'' ==A Folky Tale== *'''Strong Sad''': Coach Z, ropes are for dopes. *'''Coach Z''': What's that jargle? [[Religious text|Scripture]]? You quotin' Scripture? *'''Strong Sad''': No, it's a quote from Saddy Dumpington, the legendary folk hero I made up. *'''Coach Z''': Sounds kinda like a [[Toilet|terlet]] [sic] if ya ask me. ==2022 Costume Pack Available== *''[Pom Pom is dressed as [[W:Time for Timer|Timer]]]'' *'''Homestar Runner''': Hey, Pom Pom, I really like your [[W:Twinkie the Kid|Twinkie the Kid]] ate too many Twinkies as a kid costume! *'''King of Town''': More like, I hanker for a hunka cheese council propaganda! <Hr width=“50% “/> *''[Strong Mad is dressed as Sam, the [[W:Operation (game)|Operation]] guy. He was [[W:Slim Goodbody|Slim Goodbody]] in [[#Homestarloween Party|the previous version of the toon]]]'' *'''Strong Bad''': Strong Mad, how come both your costumes in this cartoon gotta be like, ''medically naked?'' <Hr width=“50% “/> *''[Homestar Runner is dressed as [[Monty Python and the Holy Grail|the Black Knight]]]'' *'''Strong Bad''': Alright, Homestar, let's get this over with. Just say the line. *'''Homestar Runner''': Ahem... [[Monty Python and the Holy Grail#The black knight|It's just a fwesh wound]]. *'''Strong Bad''': Did you say "Fresh wound"? *'''Homestar Runner''': No, I said “fwesh wound”. *'''Strong Bad''': Yeah, that's not the right quote, “it's just a ''flesh'' wound”. *'''Homestar Runner''': Yeah yeah, that's what I said,”fwesh wound” *'''Strong Bad''' Uh, alright, let me hear you say "in the flesh". *'''Homestar Runner''': You mean like, ''medically naked?'' *'''Strong Bad''': No, just say the expression! ''"In the flesh"''. *'''Homestar Runner''': Okay. ''In person''. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': King of Town, are you simultaneously the [[W:Quaker Oats|Quaker Oats]] guy and [[W:Wilford Brimley|Wilford Brimley]]? *'''King of Town''': Wilford Brimley ''was'' the Quaker Oats guy! *'''Strong Bad''': Yeah, but he didn't dress like a [[Quakers|Quaker]], he just was like, the pitchman, standing in a kitchen, making breakfast. *'''Homestar Runner''': No no, I'm with the King on this one. Wilford Brimley would hatch from his cocoon, covered in oatmeal, and then say his famous catchphrase. *'''King of Town''': [[W:Diabeetus|Di-a-betus!]] ==Which Ween Costumes?== *'''Strong Bad''': Uh, why does this feel... weird? *'''Homestar Runner''': What are you talking about? We stand around in the snow dressed in Decemberween-themed costumes every year. It's our thing! It's what we do! *'''Strong Bad''': Are you sure? I think we may have gotten our... "weens" crossed. *'''Strong Sad''': ''Can you please never say that again?'' ==On Break== * ''[Strong Bad is “smoking”, loudly]'' *'''Coach Z''': Well, hey there, fellow mascot! I didn't know you was the smokin' type! *'''Strong Bad''': Shh! I'm not! But Bubs only gives me one of each kind of break. I've already used pee, coffee, and maternity leave today. And this is a white crayon. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Homestar Runner''': What is up, my fellow sweat factories? <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Homestar Runner''': Man, what ''is'' that smell? *'''Strong Bad''': Uh, Homestar, we're three grown men working in mascot costumes in the dead of summer! What ''isn't'' that smell? ==Strong Bad is in Jail Cartoon== *'''Strong Bad''': Once we get our hands on Bubs's fundraiser candy bars, our troubles will be over! We can retire, maybe get a little place in Strong Badia, I dunno. All right, remember the drill: go straight for the crispy crackly ones. Don't waste your time on them plain ol' chocolates. Those things are fool's gold! ==The Homestar Runner Goes For The Gold== *'''Homestar Runner''': Oh, man, Strong Bad. You're not gonna believe this thing! Wait 'till you see this thing! This thing is gonna change your life! Blow your mind! Wipe your nose! *'''Strong Bad''': Then shut the dang up and let's see it already! *'''Homestar Runner''': Okay. Okay. Um... It's, um... It's right... Um... *'''Strong Bad''': Homestar, did you ramble on so long that you forgot what you were gonna show me? *'''Homestar Runner''': Um, no. And furthermore, no. It was this... squeakburger! [squeezes it] Burger burger! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Homestar Runner''': "The Homestar Runner and the Bathyscaphe: A Lurid Tale of Underwater Intrigue and Underwater Pants". *'''Strong Bad''': Uh, maybe I should read it. "The Homestar Runner and the Brothers Strong". A.K.A. "Homestar Runner Goes for the Gold". A.K.A. "old glue turns gross and brown if you let it sit for 20 years". <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad''': Wait, what? You get a freakin' submarine and all’s I get is a fish crammed through my head? *'''Homestar Runner''': Yeah, you know, standard collegiate swimming rules. Very standard. ==A Decemberween Pageant== *'''Bubs (as Dr. Christmas)''': Archibald! We've got to find the first Decemberween! *'''Strong Bad (as Archibald)''': I'll search down by the docks. *'''Bubs''': [whispering] What? *'''Strong Bad''': The docks. I'll search down by the docks. *'''Bubs''': [whispering] Ooh. I thought you said ducks. [normally] Good thinking! I'll come with ya. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Bubs/Dr. Christmas''': We'll need fifty bags of jold! I mean, gold! Fifty bag of golds [sic]. *'''Homestar Runner (as The King of Town)''': I just can't do it, Dr. Christmas. Famine has ruined all the town's gold. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad/Archibald''': How unfortunate! Oh, what a terrible fate has bestowed with me... uh, become to me... There's a squid. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Marzipan (as the Angel)''': I'll never forget you, Popular Vote! Not in a million years! [The Cheat cries] Don't cry. Popular Votes aren't supposed to cry! You might rust. [audience laughs] <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Strong Bad/Archibald''': [singing] Everyone's searching, looking and searching... *'''Marzipan/the Angel''': [singing] And everyone's hanging around! *'''Bubs/Dr. Christmas''': [singing] And who can be sure if we're looking for something? *'''Homestar Runner/The King of Town''': [singing] And looking for something I am! ==Front Facing/The Name Of This Cartoon Would Ruin It/Front-Facing Homestar== *'''Strong Bad''': We're not selling snowballs, The Cheat. We're selling destiny! ==The System is Down== *'''Homestar Runner''': Ummmm... what's going on here? What happened to my website? *'''Strong Bad''': The system is down, yo. *'''Homestar Runner''': Ohh... the system... Right, right. *'''Strong Bad''': Yeah, I think too many people tried to log on. Uh... sorry about that. *'''Homestar Runner''': What are you sorry for? It's my website. *'''Strong Bad''': Um... I don't think they're coming to see you, Homestar. *'''Homestar Runner''': What, you think everybody's logging on to watch "[[#Tape-leg (19)|tape-leg]]"? Yeah, that's a good one. *'''Strong Bad''': Hey, shut up! The tape-leg is cool. ==Pumpkin Carve-nival== [[File:FrenchMarketPumpkinsB.jpg|thumb|Are you supposed to be dressed up as some kind of a witches' brew?]] *'''Homestar Runner''': All right, Coach, whadaya got for me? *'''Coach Z''': Check it out, yo! *'''Homestar Runner''': Cool, a W. What's that supposed to stand for? “Witches' brew”? *'''Coach Z''': No, no, no, it stands for tha [[Wu-Tang Clan|Wu-Tang]]! *'''Homestar Runner''': Coach Z, are you a poser? *'''Coach Z''': Nah, man, I'm down. *'''Homestar Runner''': “Down” with second to last place. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Homestar Runner''': Whatcha got here, Marzipan? *'''Marzipan''': I didn't want to kill mine, so I just left it on the vine. *'''Homestar Runner''': What for? So you could, like, use it in a witches' brew or something? *'''Marzipan''': Um, I don't know what that means. Anyway, I wrote a song about it: “I left it on the vine, I left it on the line”, I mean, “I left it on—“ *'''Homestar Runner''': Not necessary! Last place! Ding! *'''Marzipan''': Homestar, I'm breaking up with you. <Hr width=“50% “/> *''[Strong Bad is dressed as a bee]'' *'''Homestar Runner''': Hey Strong Bad. So, um, are you supposed to be the [[W:Green Hornet|Green Hornet]]? *'''Strong Bad''': What?! No! *'''Homestar Runner''': Oh, right, right, you're supposed to be the um, the witches' brew. *'''Strong Bad''': No! I'm ''the bee!'' Like, from nature. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Homestar Runner''': Psst! Um, hey The Cheat— *'''The Cheat''': Hm? *'''Homestar Runner''': I had a really important question I want to ask you about your costume. Are you supposed to be dressed up as some kind of a witches' brew? *'''The Cheat''': [dismissive The Cheat noises] *'''Homestar Runner''': Wait, wait, I had another question I wanted to ask you. It's not about witches' brew. ...Okay, it's about witches' brew, but just hear me out. ==Decemberween Short Shorts== *'''Strong Bad''': Dear Tube Socks, It's me again. I hope you had a good year. Free of athletes' feet and toe jams. Lemme cut to the chase. On Decemberween morning, when I open you guys up, you're going to hear...things. Hurtful things. Unforgivable things. Things like, [groans], and, “Oh, ''maaan!''”, and “This present of tube socks totally sucks and I hate it!” Don't you believe a word of it, Tube Socks. I love you guys. I don't know what I'd do without my yearly pair. But a guy's gotta keep up appearances, right? If peoples found out I have a soft spot for tube socks, it'd be all over. It took me years to live down that [[Martina Navratilova]] poster, and I will not go down that road again. We can be secret friends. Like that hunchback kid at school. In closing, please disregard any and all negative comments or negative burning you may hear or experience on Decemberween. Stealthily Yours, Strong Bad. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Rumble Red''': Earthling, explain to me this pile of rotten rodentia...rumble. *'''The Homestar Runner''': It's Decemberween, Rumble Red. The most sanitary time of year. When everyone piles up all the dead rats they've a-cooma-lated throughout the year. ==Coach Z’s 110%== *'''Strong Sad''': Sports and practice! Sports and practice! Oh, hash potatoes! I'll never be the number-one pick! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Homestar Runner''': Hustle for sports! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Coach Z''': My whole deal's backed up by actual scientific findings— and this rotating computer graphic, so you ''know'' it's legit! <Hr width=“50% “/> * '''Reporter''': Homestar Runner, you just won the sports, how you diddat? *'''Homestar Runner''': Well, we just brought our “A” game, you know? Everybody stepped it up out there, and then we stayed within ourselves, and decided that it would be a good strategy to try and score more points than our opponents within the allotted time. [holds up Coach Z's video] Thanks, Coach Z's 110% Hustle for Sports Instructional Video! ==Hremail 62== *'''Homestar Runner''': First up on our tour, is this brellow [[W:Crayon|crown]]! [sic] And what a rich history it has! It dates all the way back to this one time. <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Homestar Runner''': My brellow crown [sic] is instrumental in the drawing of buttered toast, not quite hornets, and the sun, with a [[W:afro (hairstyle)|'fro]]. ==Decemberweenvent Calendar== *'''Strong Bad''': I can't look at it right now, I told you! *'''The Cheat''': [The Cheat noises] *'''Strong Bad''': A football is wearing my pants! *'''The Cheat''': [The Cheat noises] *'''Strong Bad''': I don't know, The Cheat! *'''The Cheat''': [The Cheat noises] *'''Strong Bad''': Yes, I am ''also'' wearing them! That's what's freakin' me out! <Hr width=“50% “/> *'''Homestar Runner''': I got a good feeling about this one, Strong Bad. *'''Strong Bad''': Great. And now I have a ''bad'' feeling about this one. ==See also== *[[Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People]] *[[The Brothers Chaps]] ==External links== [http://Homestarrunner.com Official website] {{Wikipedia}} ==Notes== [[Category:American animated TV shows]] [[Category:Homestar Runner]] 7c6q7g2h26dk4sadng6q7qkuumcmdgd 0 251558 3779098 3759586 2025-07-15T11:37:37Z SolarisQ 3137151 Formatting 3779098 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Isa (Jesus)1 (cropped).png|thumb|right|Jesus's Arabic name [[w:Isa (name)|Isa]] ([[Wiktionary:عيسى|عِيسَى]]) in Islamic calligraphy.]] There are many passages about '''[[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus in Islam]]'''. The [[Quran]] uses the name [[w:Isa (name)|Isa]] ([[Wiktionary:عيسى|عِيسَى]]) for [[Jesus]] and places him amongst the greatest prophets. In Islam, Jesus is believed to be the Messiah and the penultimate prophet and messenger of God, succeeded by [[Muhammad]]. This page quotes from the most prominent passages about Jesus in the Quran. The translation used is [[w:The Clear Quran|''The Clear Quran'']] by Dr. Mustafa Khattab, and the links go to [http://quran.com/ Quran.com], which provides additional translations. == Quotes == === Quran === ==== Miracles ==== :''See also: [[w:Jesus in Islam#Miracles|Jesus in Islam § Miracles (Wikipedia)]] * '''إِذْ قَالَ ٱللَّهُ يَـٰ[[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَى]] ٱبْنَ مَرْيَمَ ٱذْكُرْ نِعْمَتِى عَلَيْكَ وَعَلَىٰ وَٰلِدَتِكَ إِذْ أَيَّدتُّكَ بِرُوحِ ٱلْقُدُسِ تُكَلِّمُ ٱلنَّاسَ فِى ٱلْمَهْدِ وَكَهْلًۭا ۖ وَإِذْ عَلَّمْتُكَ ٱلْكِتَـٰبَ وَٱلْحِكْمَةَ وَٱلتَّوْرَىٰةَ وَٱلْإِنجِيلَ ۖ وَإِذْ تَخْلُقُ مِنَ ٱلطِّينِ كَهَيْـَٔةِ ٱلطَّيْرِ بِإِذْنِى فَتَنفُخُ فِيهَا فَتَكُونُ طَيْرًۢا بِإِذْنِى ۖ وَتُبْرِئُ ٱلْأَكْمَهَ وَٱلْأَبْرَصَ بِإِذْنِى ۖ وَإِذْ تُخْرِجُ ٱلْمَوْتَىٰ بِإِذْنِى ۖ وَإِذْ كَفَفْتُ بَنِىٓ إِسْرَٰٓءِيلَ عَنكَ إِذْ جِئْتَهُم بِٱلْبَيِّنَـٰتِ فَقَالَ ٱلَّذِينَ كَفَرُوا۟ مِنْهُمْ إِنْ هَـٰذَآ إِلَّا سِحْرٌۭ مُّبِينٌۭ''' ** [http://quran.com/5/110 Quran 5:110] ** Translation: *** And ˹on Judgment Day˺ Allah will say, "O [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], son of Mary! Remember My favour upon you and your mother: how I supported you with the holy spirit so you spoke to people in ˹your˺ infancy and adulthood. How I taught you writing, wisdom, the Torah, and the Gospel. How you moulded a bird from clay—by My Will—and breathed into it and it became a ˹real˺ bird—by My Will. How you healed the blind and the lepers—by My Will. How you brought the dead to life—by My Will. How I prevented the Children of Israel from harming you when you came to them with clear proofs and the disbelievers among them said, 'This is nothing but pure magic.'" **** [http://quran.com/5/110?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] ==== Trinity ==== :''See also: [[w:Islamic view of the Trinity|Islamic view of the Trinity (Wikipedia)]] * '''{{lang|ar|يَـٰٓأَهْلَ ٱلْكِتَـٰبِ لَا تَغْلُوا۟ فِى دِينِكُمْ وَلَا تَقُولُوا۟ عَلَى ٱللَّهِ إِلَّا ٱلْحَقَّ ۚ إِنَّمَا ٱلْمَسِيحُ [[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَى]] ٱبْنُ مَرْيَمَ رَسُولُ ٱللَّهِ وَكَلِمَتُهُۥٓ أَلْقَىٰهَآ إِلَىٰ مَرْيَمَ وَرُوحٌۭ مِّنْهُ ۖ فَـَٔامِنُوا۟ بِٱللَّهِ وَرُسُلِهِۦ ۖ وَلَا تَقُولُوا۟ [[w:Islamic view of the Trinity|ثَلَـٰثَةٌ]] ۚ ٱنتَهُوا۟ خَيْرًۭا لَّكُمْ ۚ إِنَّمَا ٱللَّهُ إِلَـٰهٌۭ وَٰحِدٌۭ ۖ سُبْحَـٰنَهُۥٓ أَن يَكُونَ لَهُۥ وَلَدٌۭ ۘ لَّهُۥ مَا فِى ٱلسَّمَـٰوَٰتِ وَمَا فِى ٱلْأَرْضِ ۗ وَكَفَىٰ بِٱللَّهِ وَكِيلًۭا|rtl}}''' ** [http://quran.com/4/171 Quran 4:171] ([[w:An-Nisa|The Women]], {{lang|ar|سورة النساء|rtl}}) ** Translations: *** O People of the Book! Do not go to extremes regarding your faith; say nothing about Allah except the truth. The Messiah, [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], son of Mary, was no more than a messenger of Allah and the fulfilment of His Word through Mary and a spirit ˹created by a command˺ from Him. So believe in Allah and His messengers and do not say, "[[w:Islamic view of the Trinity|Trinity]]." Stop!—for your own good. Allah is only One God. Glory be to Him! He is far above having a son! To Him belongs whatever is in the heavens and whatever is on the earth. And Allah is sufficient as a Trustee of Affairs. **** [http://quran.com/4/171?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] *** O ye people of the Book! Overstep not bounds in your religion; and of God, speak only truth. The Messiah, Jesus, son of Mary, is only an apostle of God, and His Word which he conveyed into Mary, and a Spirit from Him. Believe, therefore, in God and His apostles, and say not, "Three": (i.e. there is a Trinity) – Forbear – it will be better for you. God is only one God! Far be it from His glory that He should have a son! His, whatever is in the Heavens, and whatever is in the Earth! And God is a sufficient Guardian. **** ''Dictionary of Islam'' by T. P. Hughes * '''لَّقَدْ كَفَرَ ٱلَّذِينَ قَالُوٓا۟ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ هُوَ ٱلْمَسِيحُ ٱبْنُ مَرْيَمَ ۚ قُلْ فَمَن يَمْلِكُ مِنَ ٱللَّهِ شَيْـًٔا إِنْ أَرَادَ أَن يُهْلِكَ ٱلْمَسِيحَ ٱبْنَ مَرْيَمَ وَأُمَّهُۥ وَمَن فِى ٱلْأَرْضِ جَمِيعًۭا ۗ وَلِلَّهِ مُلْكُ ٱلسَّمَـٰوَٰتِ وَٱلْأَرْضِ وَمَا بَيْنَهُمَا ۚ يَخْلُقُ مَا يَشَآءُ ۚ وَٱللَّهُ عَلَىٰ كُلِّ شَىْءٍۢ قَدِيرٌۭ''' ** [http://quran.com/5/17 Quran 5:17] ** Translation: *** Indeed, those who say, "Allah is the Messiah, son of Mary," have fallen into disbelief. Say, ˹O Prophet,˺ "Who has the power to prevent Allah if He chose to destroy the Messiah, son of Mary, his mother, and everyone in the world all together?" To Allah ˹alone˺ belongs the kingdom of the heavens and the earth and everything in between. He creates whatever He wills. And Allah is Most Capable of everything. **** [http://quran.com/5/17?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] *** In blasphemy indeed are those that say that God is Christ the son of Mary. Say: "Who then hath the least power against God, if He wished to destroy Christ the son of Mary, his mother, and all those on the earth? For to God belongeth the dominion of the heavens and the earth, and all that is between. He createth what He pleaseth. For God hath power over all things. **** [http://quran.com/5/17?translations=22 ''The Holy Qur'an: Text, Translation and Commentary''] by [[w:Abdullah Yusuf Ali|Abdullah Yusuf Ali]] ==== Jesus's death ==== :''See also: [[w:Islamic views on Jesus's death|Islamic views on Jesus's death (Wikipedia)]] :''See also: [[w:Jesus in Islam#Ascension|Jesus in Islam § Ascension (Wikipedia)]] * '''{{lang|ar|فَبِمَا نَقْضِهِم مِّيثَـٰقَهُمْ وَكُفْرِهِم بِـَٔايَـٰتِ ٱللَّهِ وَقَتْلِهِمُ ٱلْأَنۢبِيَآءَ بِغَيْرِ حَقٍّۢ وَقَوْلِهِمْ قُلُوبُنَا غُلْفٌۢ ۚ بَلْ طَبَعَ ٱللَّهُ عَلَيْهَا بِكُفْرِهِمْ فَلَا يُؤْمِنُونَ إِلَّا قَلِيلًۭا وَبِكُفْرِهِمْ وَقَوْلِهِمْ عَلَىٰ مَرْيَمَ بُهْتَـٰنًا عَظِيمًۭا وَقَوْلِهِمْ إِنَّا قَتَلْنَا ٱلْمَسِيحَ [[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَى]] ٱبْنَ مَرْيَمَ رَسُولَ ٱللَّهِ وَمَا قَتَلُوهُ وَمَا صَلَبُوهُ وَلَـٰكِن شُبِّهَ لَهُمْ ۚ وَإِنَّ ٱلَّذِينَ ٱخْتَلَفُوا۟ فِيهِ لَفِى شَكٍّۢ مِّنْهُ ۚ مَا لَهُم بِهِۦ مِنْ عِلْمٍ إِلَّا ٱتِّبَاعَ ٱلظَّنِّ ۚ وَمَا قَتَلُوهُ يَقِينًۢا بَل رَّفَعَهُ ٱللَّهُ إِلَيْهِ ۚ وَكَانَ ٱللَّهُ عَزِيزًا حَكِيمًۭا|rtl}}''' ** [http://quran.com/4/155-158 Quran 4:155–158] ([[w:An-Nisa|The Women]], {{lang|ar|سورة النساء|rtl}}) ** Translation: *** ˹[[w:People of the Book|They]] were condemned˺ for breaking their covenant, rejecting Allah's signs, killing the prophets unjustly, and for saying, "Our hearts are unreceptive!"—it is Allah Who has sealed their hearts for their disbelief, so they do not believe except for a few—and for their denial and outrageous accusation against Mary, and for boasting, "We killed the Messiah, [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], son of Mary, the messenger of Allah." But they neither killed nor crucified him—it was only made to appear so. Even those who argue for this ˹crucifixion˺ are in doubt. They have no knowledge whatsoever—only making assumptions. They certainly did not kill him. Rather, Allah raised him up to Himself. And Allah is Almighty, All-Wise. **** [http://quran.com/4/155-158?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] ==== Miscellaneous ==== * '''وَلَقَدْ ءَاتَيْنَا مُوسَى ٱلْكِتَـٰبَ وَقَفَّيْنَا مِنۢ بَعْدِهِۦ بِٱلرُّسُلِ ۖ وَءَاتَيْنَا [[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَى]] ٱبْنَ مَرْيَمَ ٱلْبَيِّنَـٰتِ وَأَيَّدْنَـٰهُ بِرُوحِ ٱلْقُدُسِ ۗ أَفَكُلَّمَا جَآءَكُمْ رَسُولٌۢ بِمَا لَا تَهْوَىٰٓ أَنفُسُكُمُ ٱسْتَكْبَرْتُمْ فَفَرِيقًۭا كَذَّبْتُمْ وَفَرِيقًۭا تَقْتُلُونَ''' ** [http://quran.com/2/87 Quran 2:87] ** Translations: *** Indeed, We gave Moses the Book and sent after him successive messengers. And We gave [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], son of Mary, clear proofs and supported him with the holy spirit. **** [http://quran.com/2/87?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] *** Moreover, to Moses gave we "the Book", and we raised up apostles after him; and to Jesus, son of Mary, gave we clear proofs of his mission and strengthened him by the Holy Spirit. **** ''Dictionary of Islam'' by T. P. Hughes * '''قُولُوٓا۟ ءَامَنَّا بِٱللَّهِ وَمَآ أُنزِلَ إِلَيْنَا وَمَآ أُنزِلَ إِلَىٰٓ إِبْرَٰهِـۧمَ وَإِسْمَـٰعِيلَ وَإِسْحَـٰقَ وَيَعْقُوبَ وَٱلْأَسْبَاطِ وَمَآ أُوتِىَ مُوسَىٰ وَ[[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَىٰ]] وَمَآ أُوتِىَ ٱلنَّبِيُّونَ مِن رَّبِّهِمْ لَا نُفَرِّقُ بَيْنَ أَحَدٍۢ مِّنْهُمْ وَنَحْنُ لَهُۥ مُسْلِمُونَ''' ** [http://quran.com/2/136 Quran 2:136] ** Translation: *** Say, ˹O believers,˺ "We believe in Allah and what has been revealed to us; and what was revealed to Abraham, Ishmael, Isaac, Jacob, and his descendants; and what was given to Moses, [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], and other prophets from their Lord. We make no distinction between any of them. And to Allah we all submit." **** [http://quran.com/2/136?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''تِلْكَ ٱلرُّسُلُ فَضَّلْنَا بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَىٰ بَعْضٍۢ ۘ مِّنْهُم مَّن كَلَّمَ ٱللَّهُ ۖ وَرَفَعَ بَعْضَهُمْ دَرَجَـٰتٍۢ ۚ وَءَاتَيْنَا [[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَى]] ٱبْنَ مَرْيَمَ ٱلْبَيِّنَـٰتِ وَأَيَّدْنَـٰهُ بِرُوحِ ٱلْقُدُسِ''' ** [http://quran.com/2/253 Quran 2:253] ** Translation: *** We have chosen some of those messengers above others. Allah spoke directly to some, and raised some high in rank. To [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], son of Mary, We gave clear proofs and supported him with the holy spirit. **** [http://quran.com/2/253?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''إِذْ قَالَتِ ٱلْمَلَـٰٓئِكَةُ يَـٰمَرْيَمُ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يُبَشِّرُكِ بِكَلِمَةٍۢ مِّنْهُ ٱسْمُهُ ٱلْمَسِيحُ [[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَى]] ٱبْنُ مَرْيَمَ وَجِيهًۭا فِى ٱلدُّنْيَا وَٱلْـَٔاخِرَةِ وَمِنَ ٱلْمُقَرَّبِينَ وَيُكَلِّمُ ٱلنَّاسَ فِى ٱلْمَهْدِ وَكَهْلًۭا وَمِنَ ٱلصَّـٰلِحِينَ''' ** [http://quran.com/3/45-46 Quran 3:45–46] ** Translation: *** ˹Remember˺ when the angels proclaimed, "O Mary! Allah gives you good news of a Word from Him, his name will be the Messiah, [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], son of Mary; honoured in this world and the Hereafter, and he will be one of those nearest ˹to Allah˺. And he will speak to people in ˹his˺ infancy and adulthood and will be one of the righteous." **** [http://quran.com/3/45-46?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] *** And he will speak to the people when in the cradle and when of old age, and (he will be) one of the good ones.{{Citation needed}} * '''{{lang|ar|إِذْ قَالَ ٱللَّهُ يَـٰ[[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَىٰٓ]] إِنِّى مُتَوَفِّيكَ وَرَافِعُكَ إِلَىَّ وَمُطَهِّرُكَ مِنَ ٱلَّذِينَ كَفَرُوا۟ وَجَاعِلُ ٱلَّذِينَ ٱتَّبَعُوكَ فَوْقَ ٱلَّذِينَ كَفَرُوٓا۟ إِلَىٰ يَوْمِ ٱلْقِيَـٰمَةِ ۖ ثُمَّ إِلَىَّ مَرْجِعُكُمْ فَأَحْكُمُ بَيْنَكُمْ فِيمَا كُنتُمْ فِيهِ تَخْتَلِفُونَ|rtl}}''' ** [http://quran.com/3/55 Quran 3:55] ([[w:Al Imran|The Family of Amram]], {{lang|ar|سورة آل عمران|rtl}}) ** Translations: *** ˹Remember˺ when Allah said, "O [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]]! I will take you and raise you up to Myself. I will deliver you from those who disbelieve, and elevate your followers above the disbelievers until the Day of Judgment. Then to Me you will ˹all˺ return, and I will settle all your disputes." **** [http://quran.com/3/55?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] *** And when Allah said: O Isa, [Jesus] I am going to terminate the period of your stay (on earth) and cause you to ascend unto Me and purify you of those who disbelieve and make those who follow you above those who disbelieve to the day of resurrection; then to Me shall be your return, so l will decide between you concerning that in which you differed.{{Citation needed}} * '''قُلْ ءَامَنَّا بِٱللَّهِ وَمَآ أُنزِلَ عَلَيْنَا وَمَآ أُنزِلَ عَلَىٰٓ إِبْرَٰهِيمَ وَإِسْمَـٰعِيلَ وَإِسْحَـٰقَ وَيَعْقُوبَ وَٱلْأَسْبَاطِ وَمَآ أُوتِىَ مُوسَىٰ وَ[[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَىٰ]] وَٱلنَّبِيُّونَ مِن رَّبِّهِمْ لَا نُفَرِّقُ بَيْنَ أَحَدٍۢ مِّنْهُمْ وَنَحْنُ لَهُۥ مُسْلِمُونَ''' ** [https://quran.com/3/84 Quran 3:84] ** Translation: *** Say, ˹O Prophet,˺ "We believe in Allah and what has been revealed to us and what was revealed to Abraham, Ishmael, Isaac, Jacob, and his descendants; and what was given to Moses, [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], and other prophets from their Lord—we make no distinction between any of them, and to Him we ˹fully˺ submit." **** [https://quran.com/3/84?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''وَإِن مِّنْ أَهْلِ ٱلْكِتَـٰبِ إِلَّا لَيُؤْمِنَنَّ بِهِۦ قَبْلَ مَوْتِهِۦ ۖ وَيَوْمَ ٱلْقِيَـٰمَةِ [[w:Jesus in Islam|يَكُونُ]] عَلَيْهِمْ شَهِيدًۭا''' ** [http://quran.com/4/159 Quran 4:159] ** Translation: *** And on the Day of Judgment [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]] will be a witness against them. **** [http://quran.com/4/159?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''إِنَّآ أَوْحَيْنَآ إِلَيْكَ كَمَآ أَوْحَيْنَآ إِلَىٰ نُوحٍۢ وَٱلنَّبِيِّـۧنَ مِنۢ بَعْدِهِۦ ۚ وَأَوْحَيْنَآ إِلَىٰٓ إِبْرَٰهِيمَ وَإِسْمَـٰعِيلَ وَإِسْحَـٰقَ وَيَعْقُوبَ وَٱلْأَسْبَاطِ وَ[[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَىٰ]] وَأَيُّوبَ وَيُونُسَ وَهَـٰرُونَ وَسُلَيْمَـٰنَ''' ** [http://quran.com/4/163 Quran 4:163] ** Translation: *** Indeed, We have sent revelation to you ˹O Prophet˺ as We sent revelation to Noah and the prophets after him. We also sent revelation to Abraham, Ishmael, Isaac, Jacob, and his descendants, ˹as well as˺ [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], Job, Jonah, Aaron, and Solomon. **** [http://quran.com/4/163?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''وَقَفَّيْنَا عَلَىٰٓ ءَاثَـٰرِهِم بِ[[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَى]] ٱبْنِ مَرْيَمَ مُصَدِّقًۭا لِّمَا بَيْنَ يَدَيْهِ مِنَ ٱلتَّوْرَىٰةِ ۖ وَءَاتَيْنَـٰهُ ٱلْإِنجِيلَ فِيهِ هُدًۭى وَنُورٌۭ وَمُصَدِّقًۭا لِّمَا بَيْنَ يَدَيْهِ مِنَ ٱلتَّوْرَىٰةِ وَهُدًۭى وَمَوْعِظَةًۭ لِّلْمُتَّقِينَ''' ** [http://quran.com/5/46 Quran 5:46] ** Translation: *** Then in the footsteps of the prophets, We sent [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], son of Mary, confirming the Torah revealed before him. And We gave him the Gospel containing guidance and light and confirming what was revealed in the Torah—a guide and a lesson to the God-fearing. **** [http://quran.com/5/46?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] *** And in the footsteps of the prophets caused we Jesus, the son of Mary, to follow, confirming the law which was before him; and we gave him the Evangel with its guidance and light, confirmatory of the preceding Law: a guidance and warning to those who fear God. **** ''Dictionary of Islam'' by T. P. Hughes * '''{{lang|ar|لَقَدْ كَفَرَ الَّذِينَ قَالُواْ إِنَّ اللّهَ هُوَالْمَسِيحُ ابْنُ مَرْيَمَ وَقَالَ الْمَسِيحُ يَا بَنِي إِسْرَائِيلَ اعْبُدُواْاللّهَ رَبِّي وَرَبَّكُمْ إِنَّهُ مَن يُشْرِكْ بِاللّهِ فَقَدْ حَرَّمَ اللّهُعَلَيهِالْجَنَّةَ وَمَأْوَاهُ النَّارُ وَمَا لِلظَّالِمِينَ مِنْ أَنصَارٍ <br /> لَّقَدْ كَفَرَ الَّذِينَ قَالُواْ إِنَّ اللّهَ ثَالِثُ ثَلاَثَةٍ وَمَا مِنْإِلَـهٍ إِلاَّ إِلَـهٌ وَاحِدٌ وَإِن لَّمْ يَنتَهُواْ عَمَّا يَقُولُونَ لَيَمَسَّنَّالَّذِينَ كَفَرُواْ مِنْهُمْ عَذَابٌ أَلِي|rtl}}''' ** [http://quran.com/5/72-73 Quran 5:72–73] ([[w:Al-Ma'ida|The Dinner Table]], {{lang|ar|سورة المائدة|rtl}}) ** Translation: *** Certainly they disbelieve who say: Surely Allah, He is the Messiah, son of Marium; and the Messiah said: O Children of Israel! serve Allah, my Lord and your Lord. Surely whoever associates (others) with Allah, then Allah has forbidden to him the garden, and his abode is the fire; and there shall be no helpers for the unjust. Certainly they disbelieve who say: Surely Allah is the third (person) of the three; and there is no god but the one God, and if they desist not from what they say, a painful chastisement shall befall those among them who disbelieve.{{Citation needed}} * '''{{lang|ar|وَإِذْ قَالَ اللّهُ يَا عِيسَى ابْنَ مَرْيَمَ أَأَنتَ قُلتَ لِلنَّاسِ اتَّخِذُونِيوَأُمِّيَ إِلَـهَيْنِ مِن دُونِ اللّهِ قَالَ سُبْحَانَكَ مَا يَكُونُ لِي أَنْأَقُولَ مَا لَيْسَ لِي بِحَقٍّ إِن كُنتُ قُلْتُهُ فَقَدْ عَلِمْتَهُ تَعْلَمُمَا فِينَفْسِي وَلاَ أَعْلَمُ مَا فِي نَفْسِكَ إِنَّكَ أَنتَ عَلاَّمُ الْغُيُوب|rtl}}''' ** [http://quran.com/5/116 Quran 5:116] ([[w:Al-Ma'ida|The Dinner Table]], {{lang|ar|سورة المائدة|rtl}}) ** Translation: *** And when Allah will say: O Isa son of Marium! [Jesus son of Mary] did you say to men, Take me and my mother for two gods besides Allah he will say: Glory be to Thee, it did not befit me that I should say what I had no right to (say); if I had said it, Thou wouldst indeed have known it; Thou knowest what is in my mind, and I do not know what is in Thy mind, surely Thou art the great Knower of the unseen things.{{Citation needed}} * '''{{lang|ar| فَأَتَتْ بِهِ قَوْمَهَا تَحْمِلُهُ قَالُوا يَا مَرْيَمُ لَقَدْ جِئْتِ شَيْئاًفَرِيّاً يَا أُخْتَ هَارُونَ مَا كَانَ أَبُوكِ امْرَأَ سَوْءٍ وَمَا كَانَتْأُمُّكِ بَغِيّاً فَأَشَارَتْ إِلَيْهِ قَالُوا كَيْفَ نُكَلِّمُ مَن كَانَفِيالْمَهْدِ صَبِيّاً قَالَ إِنِّي عَبْدُ اللَّهِ آتَانِيَ الْكِتَابَ وَجَعَلَنِينَبِيّاً وَجَعَلَنِي مُبَارَكاً أَيْنَ مَا كُنتُ وَأَوْصَانِي بِالصَّلَاةِوَالزَّكَاةِ مَا دُمْتُ حَيّاً وَبَرّاً بِوَالِدَتِي وَلَمْ يَجْعَلْنِيجَبَّاراً شَقِيّاً وَالسَّلَامُ عَلَيَّ يَوْمَ وُلِدتُّ وَيَوْمَ أَمُوتُوَيَوْمَ أُبْعَثُ حَيّاً ذَلِكَ عِيسَى ابْنُ مَرْيَمَ قَوْلَ الْحَقِّالَّذِي فِيهِ يَمْتَرُونَ مَا كَانَ لِلَّهِ أَن يَتَّخِذَ مِن وَلَدٍ سُبْحَانَهُإِذَا قَضَى أَمْراً فَإِنَّمَا يَقُولُ لَهُ كُن فَيَكُونُ وَإِنَّ اللَّهَرَبِّي وَرَبُّكُمْفَاعْبُدُوهُ هَذَا صِرَاطٌ مُّسْتَقِيمٌ فَاخْتَلَفَ الْأَحْزَابُ مِنبَيْنِهِمْ فَوَيْلٌ لِّلَّذِينَ كَفَرُوا مِن مَّشْهَدِ يَوْمٍ عَظِيمٍ أَسْمِعْ بِهِمْوَأَبْصِرْ يَوْمَ يَأْتُونَنَا لَكِنِ الظَّالِمُونَ الْيَوْمَ فِي ضَلَالٍ مُّبِينٍ وَأَنذِرْهُمْ يَوْمَ الْحَسْرَةِ إِذْ قُضِيَ الْأَمْرُ وَهُمْ فِي غَفْلَةٍوَهُمْ لَا يُؤْمِنُونَ|rtl}}''' ** [http://quran.com/19/27-39 Quran 19:27–39] ([[w:Maryam|Maryam]], {{lang|ar|سورة مريم|rtl}}) ** Translation: *** Then she brought him to her own folk, carrying him. They said: O Mary! Thou hast come with an amazing thing. O sister of Aaron! Thy father was not a wicked man nor was thy mother a harlot. Then she pointed to him. They said: How can we talk to one who is in the cradle, a young boy? He spake: Lo! I am the slave of Allah. He hath given me the Scripture and hath appointed me a Prophet, And hath made me blessed wheresoever I may be, and hath enjoined upon me prayer and almsgiving so long as I remain alive, And (hath made me) dutiful toward her who bore me, and hath not made me arrogant, unblest. Peace on me the day I was born, and the day I die, and the day I shall be raised alive! Such was Jesus, son of Mary: (this is) a statement of the truth concerning which they doubt. It befitteth not (the Majesty of) Allah that He should take unto Himself a son. Glory be to Him! When He decreeth a thing, He saith unto it only: Be! and it is. And lo! Allah is my Lord and your Lord. So serve Him. That is the right path. The sects among them differ: but woe unto the disbelievers from the meeting of an awful Day. See and hear them on the Day they come unto Us! yet the evil-doers are today in error manifest. And warn them of the Day of anguish when the case hath been decided. Now they are in a state of carelessness, and they believe not.{{Citation needed}} * '''وَإِذْ أَخَذْنَا مِنَ ٱلنَّبِيِّـۧنَ مِيثَـٰقَهُمْ وَمِنكَ وَمِن نُّوحٍۢ وَإِبْرَٰهِيمَ وَمُوسَىٰ وَ[[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَى]] ٱبْنِ مَرْيَمَ ۖ وَأَخَذْنَا مِنْهُم مِّيثَـٰقًا غَلِيظًۭا لِّيَسْـَٔلَ ٱلصَّـٰدِقِينَ عَن صِدْقِهِمْ''' ** [http://quran.com/33/7-8 Quran 33:7–8] ** Translation: *** And ˹remember˺ when We took a covenant from the prophets, as well as from you ˹O Prophet˺, and from Noah, Abraham, Moses, and [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], son of Mary. We did take a solemn covenant from ˹all of˺ them so that He may question these men of truth about their ˹delivery of the˺ truth. **** [http://quran.com/33/7-8?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''شَرَعَ لَكُم مِّنَ ٱلدِّينِ مَا وَصَّىٰ بِهِۦ نُوحًۭا وَٱلَّذِىٓ أَوْحَيْنَآ إِلَيْكَ وَمَا وَصَّيْنَا بِهِۦٓ إِبْرَٰهِيمَ وَمُوسَىٰ وَ[[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَىٰٓ]] ۖ أَنْ أَقِيمُوا۟ ٱلدِّينَ وَلَا تَتَفَرَّقُوا۟ فِيهِ''' ** [http://quran.com/42/13 Quran 42:13] ** Translation: *** He has ordained for you ˹believers˺ the Way which He decreed for Noah, and what We have revealed to you ˹O Prophet˺ and what We decreed for Abraham, Moses, and [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], ˹commanding:˺ "Uphold the faith, and make no divisions in it." **** [http://quran.com/42/13?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''وَلَمَّا جَآءَ [[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَىٰ]] بِٱلْبَيِّنَـٰتِ قَالَ قَدْ جِئْتُكُم بِٱلْحِكْمَةِ وَلِأُبَيِّنَ لَكُم بَعْضَ ٱلَّذِى تَخْتَلِفُونَ فِيهِ ۖ فَٱتَّقُوا۟ ٱللَّهَ وَأَطِيعُونِ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ هُوَ رَبِّى وَرَبُّكُمْ فَٱعْبُدُوهُ ۚ هَـٰذَا صِرَٰطٌۭ مُّسْتَقِيمٌۭ''' ** [http://quran.com/43/63-64 Quran 43:63–64] ** Translation: *** When [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]] came with clear proofs, he declared, "I have come to you with wisdom, and to clarify to you some of what you differ about. So fear Allah, and obey me. Surely Allah ˹alone˺ is my Lord and your Lord, so worship Him ˹alone˺. This is the Straight Path." **** [http://quran.com/43/63-64?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''ثُمَّ قَفَّيْنَا عَلَىٰٓ ءَاثَـٰرِهِم بِرُسُلِنَا وَقَفَّيْنَا بِ[[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَى]] ٱبْنِ مَرْيَمَ وَءَاتَيْنَـٰهُ ٱلْإِنجِيلَ وَجَعَلْنَا فِى قُلُوبِ ٱلَّذِينَ ٱتَّبَعُوهُ رَأْفَةًۭ وَرَحْمَةًۭ''' ** [http://quran.com/57/27 Quran 57:27] ** Translation: *** Then in the footsteps of these ˹prophets˺, We sent Our messengers, and ˹after them˺ We sent [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], son of Mary, and granted him the Gospel, and instilled compassion and mercy into the hearts of his followers. **** [http://quran.com/57/27?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''{{lang|ar|وَإِذْ قَالَ عِيسَى ابْنُ مَرْيَمَ يَا بَنِي إِسْرَائِيلَ إِنِّي رَسُولُ اللَّهِإِلَيْكُم مُّصَدِّقاًلِّمَا بَيْنَ يَدَيَّ مِنَ التَّوْرَاةِ وَمُبَشِّراً بِرَسُولٍ يَأْتِي مِنبَعْدِي اسْمُهُ أَحْمَدُ فَلَمَّاجَاءهُم بِالْبَيِّنَاتِ قَالُوا هَذَا سِحْرٌ مُّبِينٌ|rtl}}''' ** [http://quran.com/61/6 Quran 61:6] ([[w:As-Saff|The Ranks]], {{lang|ar|سورة الصف|rtl}}) ** Translation: *** And when Isa son of Marium [Jesus son of Mary] said: O children of Israel! surely I am the apostle of Allah to you, verifying that which is before me of the Taurat and giving the good news of an Apostle who will come after me, his name being [[w:Ahmad (name)|Ahmad]] [Muhammad], but when he came to them with clear arguments they said: This is clear magic.{{Citation needed}} * '''يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ كُونُوٓا۟ أَنصَارَ ٱللَّهِ كَمَا قَالَ [[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَى]] ٱبْنُ مَرْيَمَ لِلْحَوَارِيِّـۧنَ مَنْ أَنصَارِىٓ إِلَى ٱللَّهِ ۖ قَالَ ٱلْحَوَارِيُّونَ نَحْنُ أَنصَارُ ٱللَّهِ ۖ فَـَٔامَنَت طَّآئِفَةٌۭ مِّنۢ بَنِىٓ إِسْرَٰٓءِيلَ وَكَفَرَت طَّآئِفَةٌۭ ۖ فَأَيَّدْنَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ عَلَىٰ عَدُوِّهِمْ فَأَصْبَحُوا۟ ظَـٰهِرِينَ''' ** [http://quran.com/61/14 Quran 61:14] ** Translation: *** O believers! Stand up for Allah, as [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], son of Mary, asked the disciples, "Who will stand up with me for Allah?" The disciples replied, "We will stand up for Allah." Then a group from the Children of Israel believed while another disbelieved. We then supported the believers against their enemies, so they prevailed. **** [http://quran.com/61/14?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''{{lang|ar|بِسْمِ اللهِ ٱلرَّحْمَـٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيمِ قُلْ هُوَ اللَّهُ أَحَدٌ اللَّهُ الصَّمَدُ لَمْ يَلِدْوَلَمْ يُولَدْ وَلَمْ يَكُن لَّهُ كُفُواً أَحَدٌ|rtl}}''' ** [http://quran.com/112/1-4 Quran 112:1–4] ([[w:Al-Ikhlas|The Unity]], {{lang|ar|سورة الإخلاص|rtl}}) ** Translation: *** Say: He, Allah, is One. Allah is He on Whom all depend. He begets not, nor is He begotten. And none is like Him. ** Comments: *** This statement was declared as a rebuke to Christian doctrines of Jesus as the incarnation of God, and that God could beget a son that was his equal. * Surah ii. 254: "Some of the apostles we have endowed more highly than others: Those to whom God hath spoken. He hath raised to the loftiest grade, and to Jesus, son of Mary we gave manifest signs, and we strengthened him with the Holy Spirit. And if God had pleased, they who came after them would not have wrangled, after the clear signs had reached them. But into disputes they fell; some of them believed, and some were infidels; yet if God had pleased, they would not have thus wrangled; but God doth what he will." ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah iii. 37-42: "And remember when the angels said, 'O Mary! Verily hath God chosen thee, and purified thee, and chosen thee above the women of the worlds! O Mary! Be devout towards thy Lord, and prostrate thyself and bow down with those who bow.' This is one of the announcements of things unseen by thee: To thee, O Muhammad! do we reveal it; for thou wast not with them when they cast lots with reeds which of them should rear Mary: nor wast thou with them when they disputed about it. Remember when the angel said, "O mary! Verily God annnounceth to thee the Word from Him: His name shall be Messiah Jesus the son of Mary, illustrious in this world, and in the next, and one of those who have near access to God; and he shall speak to mean alike when in the cradle and when grown up; and he shall be one of the just.' She said, 'How, O my Lord? Shall I have a son, when man hath not touched me?' He said, 'Thus: God will create what He will; when He decreeth a thing He only saith, "Be," and it is.' And He will teach him the Book, and the Wisdom, and the Law, and the Evangel; and he shall be an apostle to the children of Israel." ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah iii. 44: "And I have come to attest the law which was before me; and to allow you part of that which had been forbidden you; and I come to you with a sign from your Lord; Fear God, then, and obey me; of a truth God is my Lord, and your Lord: Therefore worship Him. This is a right way." ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * She said: My Lord! How can I have a child when no mortal hath touched me? He said: So (it will be). Allah createth what He will. If He decreeth a thing, He saith unto it only: Be! and it is. <br /> And He will teach him the Scripture and wisdom, and the Torah and the Gospel, <br /> And will make him a messenger unto the Children of Israel, (saying): Lo! I come unto you with a sign from your Lord. Lo! I fashion for you out of clay the likeness of a bird, and I breathe into it and it is a bird, by Allah's leave. I heal him who was born blind, and the leper, and I raise the dead, by Allah's leave. And I announce unto you what ye eat and what ye store up in your houses. Lo! herein verily is a portent for you, if ye are to be believers. <br /> And (I come) confirming that which was before me of the Torah, and to make lawful some of that which was forbidden unto you. I come unto you with a sign from your Lord, so keep your duty to Allah and obey me. ** The [[Quran]] [http://skepticsannotatedbible.com/quran/3/index.htm Sura 3:47-50] as translated by [[w:Marmaduke Pickthall|Marmaduke Pickthall]] in ''[[w:The Meaning of the Glorious Koran|The Meaning of the Glorious Koran]]'' (1930) * Surah iii. 51, 52: "These signs, and this wise warning do we rehearse to thee. Verily, Jesus is as Adam in the sight of God. He created Him of dust: He then said to him, 'Be,' – and he was." ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah iii. 72, 73: "And some truly are there among them who torture the Scriptures with they tongues, in order that ye may suppose it to be from the Scripture, yet it is not from the Scripture. And they say, 'This is from God'; yet it is not from God; and they utter s lie against God, and they know they do so. It beseemeth not a man, that God should give his the Scriptures and the Wisdom, and the gift of prophecy, and that then he should say to his followers, 'Be ye worshipers of me, as well as of God'; but rather, 'Be ye perfect in things pertaining to God, since ye know the Scriptures, and have studied deep.'" ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah v. 76-69: "They misbelieve who say, 'Verily, God is the Messiah, the son of Mary'; but the Messiah said, 'O children of Israel! Worship God, my Lord and your Lord; verily, he who associates aught with God, God hath forbidden him Paradise, and his resort is the Fire, and the unjust shall have none to help them. They misbelieve who say, 'Verily God is the third of three, for there is no God but one; and if they do not desist from what they say, there shall touch those who misbelieve amongst them grievous woe. Will they not turn again towards God and ask pardon of Him? For God is forgiving and merciful.' The Messiah, the son of Mary, is only a prophet! Prophets before him have passed away; and his mother was a confessor; they used both to eat food. See how we explain to them the signs, yet see how they turn aside!" ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah lvii. 26, 27: "And of old sent we Noah and Abraham, and on their seed conferred the gift of prophecy, and the Book; and some of them we guided aright; but many were evil doers. Then we caused our apostles to follow in their footsteps; and we caused Jesus the son of Mary to follow them; and we gave him the Evangel and we put into the hearts of those who followed him kindness and compassion; but as to the monastic life, they invented it themselves. The desire only of pleasing God did we prescribe to them, and this they observed not as it ought to have been observed; but to such of them as believed gave we their reward, though many of them were perverse." ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah xix. 16-21: "And make mention in the Book, of Mary, when she went apart from her family, eastward, and took a veil to shroud herself from them: and We sent Our spirit to her, and he took before her the form of a perfect man. She said: 'I fly for refuge from thee to the God of Mercy! If thou fearest Him, begone from me.' He said: 'I am only a messenger of they Lord, that I may bestow on thee a holy son.' She said: 'How shall I have a son, when man hath never touched me? And I am not unchaste.' He said: 'So shall it be. Thy Lord hath said: "Easy is this with me; and we will make him a sign to mankind and a mercy from us. For it is a thing decreed."'" ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah lxi. 6: "And remember when Jesus the son of Mary said, 'O children of Israel! Of a truth I am God's apostle to you to confirm the law which was given before me, and to announce an apostle that shall come after me whose name shall be Ahmad! But when he (Ahmad) presented himself with clear proofs of his mission, they said, 'This is manifest sorcery!" ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah xxiii. 52: "And we appointed the Son and his Mother for a sign; and we prepared an abode in a lofty spot, quiet and watered with springs." ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah v. 112-115: "Remember when the Apostles said: 'O Jesus, Son of Mary! Is thy Lord able to send down a furnished table to us out of Heaven?' He said: 'Fear God if ye be believers.' They said: 'We desire to eat therefrom, and to have our hearts assured; and to know that thou hast indeed spoken truth to us, and to be witnesses thereof.' Jesus, Son of Mary, said: 'O God our Lord! Send down a table to us out of Heaven, that it may become a recurring festival to us, to the first of us and to the last of us, and a sign from thee; and do thou nourish us, for thou art the best of nourishers.' And God said: 'Verily, I will cause it to descend unto you; but whoever among you after that shall disbelieve, I will surely chastise him with a chastisement wherewith I will not chastise any other creature. ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah v. 19: "Infidels now are they who say, 'Verily God is Messiah Ibn Maryam (son of Mary)! SAY: And who could aught obtain from God, if he chose to destroy the Messiah Ibn Maryam, and his mother, and all who are on the earth together?'" ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah vi. 85: "And Zachariah, John, Jesus, and Elias: all were just persons." ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah ix. 30: "The Jews say Ezra is the Son of God; and the Christians say that the Messiah is the Son of God; that is what they say with their mouths imitating the sayings of those who misbelieve before - God fight them! - How they lie!" ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Then she conceived him; and withdrew with him to a remote place. ‏And the throes of childbirth drove her to the trunk of a palm-tree. She said: Oh, would that I had died before this, and had been a thing quite forgotten! ‏So a voice came to her from beneath her: Grieve not, surely thy Lord has provided a stream beneath thee. ‏ And shake towards thee the trunk of the palm-tree, it will drop on thee fresh ripe dates. ‏So eat and drink and cool the eye. Then if thou seest any mortal, say: Surely I have vowed a fast to the Beneficent, so I will not speak to any man to-day. ** Qur'an 19:22-26 * But she pointed to him. They said: How should we speak to one who is a child in the cradle? He said: I am indeed a servant of Allah. He has given me the Book and made me a prophet. And He has made me blessed wherever I may be, and He has enjoined on me prayer and poor-rate so long as I live: ** Qur'an 19:29-31 * Surah xliii. 57-65: "And when the Son of Mary was set forth as an instance of divine power, lo! Thy people cried out for joy thereat: And they said, "Are our god or is he the better?' They put this forth to thee only in the spirit of dispute. Yea. They are a contentious people. Jesus is no more than a servant whom we favored, and proposed as an instance of divine power to the children of Israel; and if we pleased, we could from yourselves bring forth Angels to succeed you on earth; and he shall be a sign of the last hour; doubt not then of it, and follow ye me: this is the right way; and let not Satan turn you aside from it, for he is your manifest foe. And when Jesus came with manifest proofs, he said, 'Now am I come to you with wisdom; and a part of those things about which ye are at variance I will clear up to you; fear ye God, therefore, and obey me. Verily, God is my Lord and your Lord; wherefore, worship ye him: this is a right way.' But the different parties fell into disputes among themselves; but woe to those who thus transgressed, because of the punishment of an afflictive day!" ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah xix. 35, 36: "That is Jesus, the son of Mary, the word of truth (Qaulu 'l-Haqq), whereon ye do dispute! God could not take to Himself a son! Celebrated be His praise! When He decrees a matter He only say to it 'BE,' and it is; and verily God is my Lord and your Lord, so worship Him: this is the right way. But the sects have differed among themselves." ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. === Hadith === : <small>[[Wikisource:Hadith|Hadith]] in Wikisource</small> * The Prophet said, "On the night of my Ascent to the Heaven, I saw Moses who was a tall brown curly-haired man as if he was one of the men of Shan'awa tribe, and I saw Jesus, a man of medium height and moderate complexion inclined to the red and white colors and of lank hair. I also saw Malik, the gate-keeper of the (Hell) Fire and [[w:Dajjal|Ad-Dajjal]] [the [[w:Antichrist|Antichrist]]] amongst the signs which Allah showed me." ** [[w:Hadith|Hadith]], translation of [[Sahih Bukhari|Sahih Bukhari]], [http://www.usc.edu/dept/MSA/fundamentals/hadithsunnah/bukhari/054.sbt.html#004.054.462 Volume 4, Book 54, Number 462] * Allah's Apostle said, "How will you be when the son of Mary ([[w:Jesus Christ|Jesus]]) descends amongst you and he will judge people by the Law of the Qur'an and not by the law of Gospel?" ** [[w:Hadith|Hadith]], translation of [[w:Sahih Bukhari|Sahih Bukhari]], [http://www.usc.edu/dept/MSA/fundamentals/hadithsunnah/bukhari/055.sbt.html#004.055.554 Volume 4, Book 55, Number 65] * The Prophet said, "On the Day of Resurrection the Believers will assemble and say, 'Let us ask somebody to intercede for us with our Lord.' ... 'Go to Jesus, Allah's Slave, His Apostle and Allah's Word and a Spirit coming from Him.' Jesus will say, 'I am not fit for this undertaking, go to Muhammad the Slave of Allah whose past and future sins were forgiven by Allah.' So they will come to me and I will proceed till I will ask my Lord's Permission and I will be given permission. ** [[w:Hadith|Hadith]], translation of [[w:Sahih Bukhari|Sahih Bukhari]], [http://www.usc.edu/dept/MSA/fundamentals/hadithsunnah/bukhari/060.sbt.html#006.060.149 Volume 6, Book 50, Number 3] * By Him in Whose hand is my life, the son of Mary will soon descend among you as a just judge. He will break crosses, kill swine and abolish Jizya and the wealth will pour forth to such an extent that no one will accept it. ** [[Hadith]], translation of [[w:Sahih Bukhari|Sahih Bukhari]], [https://sunnah.com/muslim/1/296 Book 1, Hadith 296] === The Dome of the Rock === : ''This section cites inscriptions from the Dome of the Rock ({{lang|ar|مسجد قبة الصخرة|rtl}}).'' [[File:Dehio 10 Dome of the Rock Floor plan.jpg|thumb|Oh God, bless Your Messenger and Your servant Jesus son of Mary. Peace be on him the day he was born, and the day he dies, and the day he shall be raised alive! <!-- Floor plan for the octagonal arcade of [[w:The Dome of the Rock|The Dome of the Rock]] ({{lang|ar|مسجد قبة الصخرة|rtl}}) in Jerusalem (built 692 CE), which contains numerous inscriptions that refer to Jesus -->]] * "O People of the Book! Do not exaggerate in your religion nor utter aught concerning God save the truth. The Messiah, Jesus son of Mary, was only a Messenger of God, and His Word which He conveyed unto Mary, and a spirit from Him. So believe in God and His messengers, and say not 'Three' — Cease! (it is better for you! — God is only One God. Far be it removed from His transcendent majesty that He should have a son. His is all that is in the heavens and all that is in the earth. And God is sufficient as Defender." (Quran 4:171) ** [[w:Islam|Islamic]] inscription in the east-northeast inner octagonal arcade of the [[w:Dome of the Rock|Dome of the Rock]], Jerusalem (692 CE), [link to [http://www.islamic-awareness.org/History/Islam/Inscriptions/DoTR.html full text and translation]] * Oh God, bless Your Messenger and Your servant Jesus son of Mary. Peace be on him the day he was born, and the day he dies, and the day he shall be raised alive! Such was Jesus, son of Mary, (this is) a statement of the truth concerning which they doubt. ** [[w:Islam|Islamic]] inscription in the north-northwest inner octagonal arcade of the [[w:Dome of the Rock|Dome of the Rock]], Jerusalem (692 CE), [link to [http://www.islamic-awareness.org/History/Islam/Inscriptions/DoTR.html full text and translation]] * It befitteth not (the Majesty of) God that He should take unto Himself a son. Glory be to Him! When He decreeth a thing, He saith unto it only: Be! and it is. Lo! God is my Lord and your Lord. So serve Him. That is the right path. God (Himself) is witness that there is no God save Him. ** [[w:Islam|Islamic]] inscription in the northwest-west inner octagonal arcade of the [[w:Dome of the Rock|Dome of the Rock]], Jerusalem (692 CE), [link to [http://www.islamic-awareness.org/History/Islam/Inscriptions/DoTR.html full text and translation]] * There is no god but God. He is One. Praise be to God, Who hath not taken unto Himself a son, and Who hath no partner in the Sovereignty, nor hath He any protecting friend through dependence. ** [[w:Islam|Islamic]] inscription in the west-northwest inner octagonal arcade of the [[w:Dome of the Rock|Dome of the Rock]], Jerusalem (692 CE), [link to [http://www.islamic-awareness.org/History/Islam/Inscriptions/DoTR.html full text and translation]] === Commentary === * According to most classical Muslim commentators the Quran teaches that Jesus did not die. On the day of the crucifixion [[w:Islamic views on Jesus's death#Substitution interpretation|another person]] – whether his disciple or his betrayer – was miraculously transformed and assumed the appearance of Jesus. He was taken away, crucified, and killed, while Jesus was assumed body and soul into heaven. Most critical scholars accept that this is indeed the Quran's teaching, even if the Quran states explicitly only that the Jews did not kill Jesus. ** Gabriel S. Reynolds: [http://doi.org/10.1017%2FS0041977X09000500 "The Muslim Jesus: Dead or Alive?"] ([http://www3.nd.edu/~reynolds/index_files/jesus%20dead%20or%20alive.pdf PDF]). ''Bulletin of the School of Oriental and African Studies'', University of London. Cambridge University Press, May 2009. == See also == * [[Jesus#The Qur'an and the Hadith|Jesus § The Qur'an and the Hadith]] * [[Quran]] == External links == {{wikipedia|Jesus in the Quran}} * [http://quran.com/search?page=1&q=jesus&translations=131 Search for "Jesus" at Quran.com] * [http://search-the-quran.com/search/Jesus Search for "Jesus" at Search-the-Quran.com] [[Category:Quran]] [[Category:Islam]] [[Category:Jesus]] [[Category:Biblical people in Islam]] [[Category:Prophets of Islam]] 95emkytyhomch272js42ty1uyiy8in6 3779099 3779098 2025-07-15T11:38:06Z SolarisQ 3137151 HTTPS links 3779099 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Isa (Jesus)1 (cropped).png|thumb|right|Jesus's Arabic name [[w:Isa (name)|Isa]] ([[Wiktionary:عيسى|عِيسَى]]) in Islamic calligraphy.]] There are many passages about '''[[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus in Islam]]'''. The [[Quran]] uses the name [[w:Isa (name)|Isa]] ([[Wiktionary:عيسى|عِيسَى]]) for [[Jesus]] and places him amongst the greatest prophets. In Islam, Jesus is believed to be the Messiah and the penultimate prophet and messenger of God, succeeded by [[Muhammad]]. This page quotes from the most prominent passages about Jesus in the Quran. The translation used is [[w:The Clear Quran|''The Clear Quran'']] by Dr. Mustafa Khattab, and the links go to [https://quran.com/ Quran.com], which provides additional translations. == Quotes == === Quran === ==== Miracles ==== :''See also: [[w:Jesus in Islam#Miracles|Jesus in Islam § Miracles (Wikipedia)]] * '''إِذْ قَالَ ٱللَّهُ يَـٰ[[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَى]] ٱبْنَ مَرْيَمَ ٱذْكُرْ نِعْمَتِى عَلَيْكَ وَعَلَىٰ وَٰلِدَتِكَ إِذْ أَيَّدتُّكَ بِرُوحِ ٱلْقُدُسِ تُكَلِّمُ ٱلنَّاسَ فِى ٱلْمَهْدِ وَكَهْلًۭا ۖ وَإِذْ عَلَّمْتُكَ ٱلْكِتَـٰبَ وَٱلْحِكْمَةَ وَٱلتَّوْرَىٰةَ وَٱلْإِنجِيلَ ۖ وَإِذْ تَخْلُقُ مِنَ ٱلطِّينِ كَهَيْـَٔةِ ٱلطَّيْرِ بِإِذْنِى فَتَنفُخُ فِيهَا فَتَكُونُ طَيْرًۢا بِإِذْنِى ۖ وَتُبْرِئُ ٱلْأَكْمَهَ وَٱلْأَبْرَصَ بِإِذْنِى ۖ وَإِذْ تُخْرِجُ ٱلْمَوْتَىٰ بِإِذْنِى ۖ وَإِذْ كَفَفْتُ بَنِىٓ إِسْرَٰٓءِيلَ عَنكَ إِذْ جِئْتَهُم بِٱلْبَيِّنَـٰتِ فَقَالَ ٱلَّذِينَ كَفَرُوا۟ مِنْهُمْ إِنْ هَـٰذَآ إِلَّا سِحْرٌۭ مُّبِينٌۭ''' ** [https://quran.com/5/110 Quran 5:110] ** Translation: *** And ˹on Judgment Day˺ Allah will say, "O [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], son of Mary! Remember My favour upon you and your mother: how I supported you with the holy spirit so you spoke to people in ˹your˺ infancy and adulthood. How I taught you writing, wisdom, the Torah, and the Gospel. How you moulded a bird from clay—by My Will—and breathed into it and it became a ˹real˺ bird—by My Will. How you healed the blind and the lepers—by My Will. How you brought the dead to life—by My Will. How I prevented the Children of Israel from harming you when you came to them with clear proofs and the disbelievers among them said, 'This is nothing but pure magic.'" **** [https://quran.com/5/110?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] ==== Trinity ==== :''See also: [[w:Islamic view of the Trinity|Islamic view of the Trinity (Wikipedia)]] * '''{{lang|ar|يَـٰٓأَهْلَ ٱلْكِتَـٰبِ لَا تَغْلُوا۟ فِى دِينِكُمْ وَلَا تَقُولُوا۟ عَلَى ٱللَّهِ إِلَّا ٱلْحَقَّ ۚ إِنَّمَا ٱلْمَسِيحُ [[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَى]] ٱبْنُ مَرْيَمَ رَسُولُ ٱللَّهِ وَكَلِمَتُهُۥٓ أَلْقَىٰهَآ إِلَىٰ مَرْيَمَ وَرُوحٌۭ مِّنْهُ ۖ فَـَٔامِنُوا۟ بِٱللَّهِ وَرُسُلِهِۦ ۖ وَلَا تَقُولُوا۟ [[w:Islamic view of the Trinity|ثَلَـٰثَةٌ]] ۚ ٱنتَهُوا۟ خَيْرًۭا لَّكُمْ ۚ إِنَّمَا ٱللَّهُ إِلَـٰهٌۭ وَٰحِدٌۭ ۖ سُبْحَـٰنَهُۥٓ أَن يَكُونَ لَهُۥ وَلَدٌۭ ۘ لَّهُۥ مَا فِى ٱلسَّمَـٰوَٰتِ وَمَا فِى ٱلْأَرْضِ ۗ وَكَفَىٰ بِٱللَّهِ وَكِيلًۭا|rtl}}''' ** [https://quran.com/4/171 Quran 4:171] ([[w:An-Nisa|The Women]], {{lang|ar|سورة النساء|rtl}}) ** Translations: *** O People of the Book! Do not go to extremes regarding your faith; say nothing about Allah except the truth. The Messiah, [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], son of Mary, was no more than a messenger of Allah and the fulfilment of His Word through Mary and a spirit ˹created by a command˺ from Him. So believe in Allah and His messengers and do not say, "[[w:Islamic view of the Trinity|Trinity]]." Stop!—for your own good. Allah is only One God. Glory be to Him! He is far above having a son! To Him belongs whatever is in the heavens and whatever is on the earth. And Allah is sufficient as a Trustee of Affairs. **** [https://quran.com/4/171?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] *** O ye people of the Book! Overstep not bounds in your religion; and of God, speak only truth. The Messiah, Jesus, son of Mary, is only an apostle of God, and His Word which he conveyed into Mary, and a Spirit from Him. Believe, therefore, in God and His apostles, and say not, "Three": (i.e. there is a Trinity) – Forbear – it will be better for you. God is only one God! Far be it from His glory that He should have a son! His, whatever is in the Heavens, and whatever is in the Earth! And God is a sufficient Guardian. **** ''Dictionary of Islam'' by T. P. Hughes * '''لَّقَدْ كَفَرَ ٱلَّذِينَ قَالُوٓا۟ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ هُوَ ٱلْمَسِيحُ ٱبْنُ مَرْيَمَ ۚ قُلْ فَمَن يَمْلِكُ مِنَ ٱللَّهِ شَيْـًٔا إِنْ أَرَادَ أَن يُهْلِكَ ٱلْمَسِيحَ ٱبْنَ مَرْيَمَ وَأُمَّهُۥ وَمَن فِى ٱلْأَرْضِ جَمِيعًۭا ۗ وَلِلَّهِ مُلْكُ ٱلسَّمَـٰوَٰتِ وَٱلْأَرْضِ وَمَا بَيْنَهُمَا ۚ يَخْلُقُ مَا يَشَآءُ ۚ وَٱللَّهُ عَلَىٰ كُلِّ شَىْءٍۢ قَدِيرٌۭ''' ** [https://quran.com/5/17 Quran 5:17] ** Translation: *** Indeed, those who say, "Allah is the Messiah, son of Mary," have fallen into disbelief. Say, ˹O Prophet,˺ "Who has the power to prevent Allah if He chose to destroy the Messiah, son of Mary, his mother, and everyone in the world all together?" To Allah ˹alone˺ belongs the kingdom of the heavens and the earth and everything in between. He creates whatever He wills. And Allah is Most Capable of everything. **** [https://quran.com/5/17?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] *** In blasphemy indeed are those that say that God is Christ the son of Mary. Say: "Who then hath the least power against God, if He wished to destroy Christ the son of Mary, his mother, and all those on the earth? For to God belongeth the dominion of the heavens and the earth, and all that is between. He createth what He pleaseth. For God hath power over all things. **** [https://quran.com/5/17?translations=22 ''The Holy Qur'an: Text, Translation and Commentary''] by [[w:Abdullah Yusuf Ali|Abdullah Yusuf Ali]] ==== Jesus's death ==== :''See also: [[w:Islamic views on Jesus's death|Islamic views on Jesus's death (Wikipedia)]] :''See also: [[w:Jesus in Islam#Ascension|Jesus in Islam § Ascension (Wikipedia)]] * '''{{lang|ar|فَبِمَا نَقْضِهِم مِّيثَـٰقَهُمْ وَكُفْرِهِم بِـَٔايَـٰتِ ٱللَّهِ وَقَتْلِهِمُ ٱلْأَنۢبِيَآءَ بِغَيْرِ حَقٍّۢ وَقَوْلِهِمْ قُلُوبُنَا غُلْفٌۢ ۚ بَلْ طَبَعَ ٱللَّهُ عَلَيْهَا بِكُفْرِهِمْ فَلَا يُؤْمِنُونَ إِلَّا قَلِيلًۭا وَبِكُفْرِهِمْ وَقَوْلِهِمْ عَلَىٰ مَرْيَمَ بُهْتَـٰنًا عَظِيمًۭا وَقَوْلِهِمْ إِنَّا قَتَلْنَا ٱلْمَسِيحَ [[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَى]] ٱبْنَ مَرْيَمَ رَسُولَ ٱللَّهِ وَمَا قَتَلُوهُ وَمَا صَلَبُوهُ وَلَـٰكِن شُبِّهَ لَهُمْ ۚ وَإِنَّ ٱلَّذِينَ ٱخْتَلَفُوا۟ فِيهِ لَفِى شَكٍّۢ مِّنْهُ ۚ مَا لَهُم بِهِۦ مِنْ عِلْمٍ إِلَّا ٱتِّبَاعَ ٱلظَّنِّ ۚ وَمَا قَتَلُوهُ يَقِينًۢا بَل رَّفَعَهُ ٱللَّهُ إِلَيْهِ ۚ وَكَانَ ٱللَّهُ عَزِيزًا حَكِيمًۭا|rtl}}''' ** [https://quran.com/4/155-158 Quran 4:155–158] ([[w:An-Nisa|The Women]], {{lang|ar|سورة النساء|rtl}}) ** Translation: *** ˹[[w:People of the Book|They]] were condemned˺ for breaking their covenant, rejecting Allah's signs, killing the prophets unjustly, and for saying, "Our hearts are unreceptive!"—it is Allah Who has sealed their hearts for their disbelief, so they do not believe except for a few—and for their denial and outrageous accusation against Mary, and for boasting, "We killed the Messiah, [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], son of Mary, the messenger of Allah." But they neither killed nor crucified him—it was only made to appear so. Even those who argue for this ˹crucifixion˺ are in doubt. They have no knowledge whatsoever—only making assumptions. They certainly did not kill him. Rather, Allah raised him up to Himself. And Allah is Almighty, All-Wise. **** [https://quran.com/4/155-158?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] ==== Miscellaneous ==== * '''وَلَقَدْ ءَاتَيْنَا مُوسَى ٱلْكِتَـٰبَ وَقَفَّيْنَا مِنۢ بَعْدِهِۦ بِٱلرُّسُلِ ۖ وَءَاتَيْنَا [[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَى]] ٱبْنَ مَرْيَمَ ٱلْبَيِّنَـٰتِ وَأَيَّدْنَـٰهُ بِرُوحِ ٱلْقُدُسِ ۗ أَفَكُلَّمَا جَآءَكُمْ رَسُولٌۢ بِمَا لَا تَهْوَىٰٓ أَنفُسُكُمُ ٱسْتَكْبَرْتُمْ فَفَرِيقًۭا كَذَّبْتُمْ وَفَرِيقًۭا تَقْتُلُونَ''' ** [https://quran.com/2/87 Quran 2:87] ** Translations: *** Indeed, We gave Moses the Book and sent after him successive messengers. And We gave [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], son of Mary, clear proofs and supported him with the holy spirit. **** [https://quran.com/2/87?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] *** Moreover, to Moses gave we "the Book", and we raised up apostles after him; and to Jesus, son of Mary, gave we clear proofs of his mission and strengthened him by the Holy Spirit. **** ''Dictionary of Islam'' by T. P. Hughes * '''قُولُوٓا۟ ءَامَنَّا بِٱللَّهِ وَمَآ أُنزِلَ إِلَيْنَا وَمَآ أُنزِلَ إِلَىٰٓ إِبْرَٰهِـۧمَ وَإِسْمَـٰعِيلَ وَإِسْحَـٰقَ وَيَعْقُوبَ وَٱلْأَسْبَاطِ وَمَآ أُوتِىَ مُوسَىٰ وَ[[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَىٰ]] وَمَآ أُوتِىَ ٱلنَّبِيُّونَ مِن رَّبِّهِمْ لَا نُفَرِّقُ بَيْنَ أَحَدٍۢ مِّنْهُمْ وَنَحْنُ لَهُۥ مُسْلِمُونَ''' ** [https://quran.com/2/136 Quran 2:136] ** Translation: *** Say, ˹O believers,˺ "We believe in Allah and what has been revealed to us; and what was revealed to Abraham, Ishmael, Isaac, Jacob, and his descendants; and what was given to Moses, [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], and other prophets from their Lord. We make no distinction between any of them. And to Allah we all submit." **** [https://quran.com/2/136?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''تِلْكَ ٱلرُّسُلُ فَضَّلْنَا بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَىٰ بَعْضٍۢ ۘ مِّنْهُم مَّن كَلَّمَ ٱللَّهُ ۖ وَرَفَعَ بَعْضَهُمْ دَرَجَـٰتٍۢ ۚ وَءَاتَيْنَا [[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَى]] ٱبْنَ مَرْيَمَ ٱلْبَيِّنَـٰتِ وَأَيَّدْنَـٰهُ بِرُوحِ ٱلْقُدُسِ''' ** [https://quran.com/2/253 Quran 2:253] ** Translation: *** We have chosen some of those messengers above others. Allah spoke directly to some, and raised some high in rank. To [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], son of Mary, We gave clear proofs and supported him with the holy spirit. **** [https://quran.com/2/253?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''إِذْ قَالَتِ ٱلْمَلَـٰٓئِكَةُ يَـٰمَرْيَمُ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يُبَشِّرُكِ بِكَلِمَةٍۢ مِّنْهُ ٱسْمُهُ ٱلْمَسِيحُ [[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَى]] ٱبْنُ مَرْيَمَ وَجِيهًۭا فِى ٱلدُّنْيَا وَٱلْـَٔاخِرَةِ وَمِنَ ٱلْمُقَرَّبِينَ وَيُكَلِّمُ ٱلنَّاسَ فِى ٱلْمَهْدِ وَكَهْلًۭا وَمِنَ ٱلصَّـٰلِحِينَ''' ** [https://quran.com/3/45-46 Quran 3:45–46] ** Translation: *** ˹Remember˺ when the angels proclaimed, "O Mary! Allah gives you good news of a Word from Him, his name will be the Messiah, [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], son of Mary; honoured in this world and the Hereafter, and he will be one of those nearest ˹to Allah˺. And he will speak to people in ˹his˺ infancy and adulthood and will be one of the righteous." **** [https://quran.com/3/45-46?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] *** And he will speak to the people when in the cradle and when of old age, and (he will be) one of the good ones.{{Citation needed}} * '''{{lang|ar|إِذْ قَالَ ٱللَّهُ يَـٰ[[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَىٰٓ]] إِنِّى مُتَوَفِّيكَ وَرَافِعُكَ إِلَىَّ وَمُطَهِّرُكَ مِنَ ٱلَّذِينَ كَفَرُوا۟ وَجَاعِلُ ٱلَّذِينَ ٱتَّبَعُوكَ فَوْقَ ٱلَّذِينَ كَفَرُوٓا۟ إِلَىٰ يَوْمِ ٱلْقِيَـٰمَةِ ۖ ثُمَّ إِلَىَّ مَرْجِعُكُمْ فَأَحْكُمُ بَيْنَكُمْ فِيمَا كُنتُمْ فِيهِ تَخْتَلِفُونَ|rtl}}''' ** [https://quran.com/3/55 Quran 3:55] ([[w:Al Imran|The Family of Amram]], {{lang|ar|سورة آل عمران|rtl}}) ** Translations: *** ˹Remember˺ when Allah said, "O [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]]! I will take you and raise you up to Myself. I will deliver you from those who disbelieve, and elevate your followers above the disbelievers until the Day of Judgment. Then to Me you will ˹all˺ return, and I will settle all your disputes." **** [https://quran.com/3/55?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] *** And when Allah said: O Isa, [Jesus] I am going to terminate the period of your stay (on earth) and cause you to ascend unto Me and purify you of those who disbelieve and make those who follow you above those who disbelieve to the day of resurrection; then to Me shall be your return, so l will decide between you concerning that in which you differed.{{Citation needed}} * '''قُلْ ءَامَنَّا بِٱللَّهِ وَمَآ أُنزِلَ عَلَيْنَا وَمَآ أُنزِلَ عَلَىٰٓ إِبْرَٰهِيمَ وَإِسْمَـٰعِيلَ وَإِسْحَـٰقَ وَيَعْقُوبَ وَٱلْأَسْبَاطِ وَمَآ أُوتِىَ مُوسَىٰ وَ[[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَىٰ]] وَٱلنَّبِيُّونَ مِن رَّبِّهِمْ لَا نُفَرِّقُ بَيْنَ أَحَدٍۢ مِّنْهُمْ وَنَحْنُ لَهُۥ مُسْلِمُونَ''' ** [https://quran.com/3/84 Quran 3:84] ** Translation: *** Say, ˹O Prophet,˺ "We believe in Allah and what has been revealed to us and what was revealed to Abraham, Ishmael, Isaac, Jacob, and his descendants; and what was given to Moses, [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], and other prophets from their Lord—we make no distinction between any of them, and to Him we ˹fully˺ submit." **** [https://quran.com/3/84?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''وَإِن مِّنْ أَهْلِ ٱلْكِتَـٰبِ إِلَّا لَيُؤْمِنَنَّ بِهِۦ قَبْلَ مَوْتِهِۦ ۖ وَيَوْمَ ٱلْقِيَـٰمَةِ [[w:Jesus in Islam|يَكُونُ]] عَلَيْهِمْ شَهِيدًۭا''' ** [https://quran.com/4/159 Quran 4:159] ** Translation: *** And on the Day of Judgment [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]] will be a witness against them. **** [https://quran.com/4/159?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''إِنَّآ أَوْحَيْنَآ إِلَيْكَ كَمَآ أَوْحَيْنَآ إِلَىٰ نُوحٍۢ وَٱلنَّبِيِّـۧنَ مِنۢ بَعْدِهِۦ ۚ وَأَوْحَيْنَآ إِلَىٰٓ إِبْرَٰهِيمَ وَإِسْمَـٰعِيلَ وَإِسْحَـٰقَ وَيَعْقُوبَ وَٱلْأَسْبَاطِ وَ[[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَىٰ]] وَأَيُّوبَ وَيُونُسَ وَهَـٰرُونَ وَسُلَيْمَـٰنَ''' ** [https://quran.com/4/163 Quran 4:163] ** Translation: *** Indeed, We have sent revelation to you ˹O Prophet˺ as We sent revelation to Noah and the prophets after him. We also sent revelation to Abraham, Ishmael, Isaac, Jacob, and his descendants, ˹as well as˺ [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], Job, Jonah, Aaron, and Solomon. **** [https://quran.com/4/163?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''وَقَفَّيْنَا عَلَىٰٓ ءَاثَـٰرِهِم بِ[[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَى]] ٱبْنِ مَرْيَمَ مُصَدِّقًۭا لِّمَا بَيْنَ يَدَيْهِ مِنَ ٱلتَّوْرَىٰةِ ۖ وَءَاتَيْنَـٰهُ ٱلْإِنجِيلَ فِيهِ هُدًۭى وَنُورٌۭ وَمُصَدِّقًۭا لِّمَا بَيْنَ يَدَيْهِ مِنَ ٱلتَّوْرَىٰةِ وَهُدًۭى وَمَوْعِظَةًۭ لِّلْمُتَّقِينَ''' ** [https://quran.com/5/46 Quran 5:46] ** Translation: *** Then in the footsteps of the prophets, We sent [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], son of Mary, confirming the Torah revealed before him. And We gave him the Gospel containing guidance and light and confirming what was revealed in the Torah—a guide and a lesson to the God-fearing. **** [https://quran.com/5/46?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] *** And in the footsteps of the prophets caused we Jesus, the son of Mary, to follow, confirming the law which was before him; and we gave him the Evangel with its guidance and light, confirmatory of the preceding Law: a guidance and warning to those who fear God. **** ''Dictionary of Islam'' by T. P. Hughes * '''{{lang|ar|لَقَدْ كَفَرَ الَّذِينَ قَالُواْ إِنَّ اللّهَ هُوَالْمَسِيحُ ابْنُ مَرْيَمَ وَقَالَ الْمَسِيحُ يَا بَنِي إِسْرَائِيلَ اعْبُدُواْاللّهَ رَبِّي وَرَبَّكُمْ إِنَّهُ مَن يُشْرِكْ بِاللّهِ فَقَدْ حَرَّمَ اللّهُعَلَيهِالْجَنَّةَ وَمَأْوَاهُ النَّارُ وَمَا لِلظَّالِمِينَ مِنْ أَنصَارٍ <br /> لَّقَدْ كَفَرَ الَّذِينَ قَالُواْ إِنَّ اللّهَ ثَالِثُ ثَلاَثَةٍ وَمَا مِنْإِلَـهٍ إِلاَّ إِلَـهٌ وَاحِدٌ وَإِن لَّمْ يَنتَهُواْ عَمَّا يَقُولُونَ لَيَمَسَّنَّالَّذِينَ كَفَرُواْ مِنْهُمْ عَذَابٌ أَلِي|rtl}}''' ** [https://quran.com/5/72-73 Quran 5:72–73] ([[w:Al-Ma'ida|The Dinner Table]], {{lang|ar|سورة المائدة|rtl}}) ** Translation: *** Certainly they disbelieve who say: Surely Allah, He is the Messiah, son of Marium; and the Messiah said: O Children of Israel! serve Allah, my Lord and your Lord. Surely whoever associates (others) with Allah, then Allah has forbidden to him the garden, and his abode is the fire; and there shall be no helpers for the unjust. Certainly they disbelieve who say: Surely Allah is the third (person) of the three; and there is no god but the one God, and if they desist not from what they say, a painful chastisement shall befall those among them who disbelieve.{{Citation needed}} * '''{{lang|ar|وَإِذْ قَالَ اللّهُ يَا عِيسَى ابْنَ مَرْيَمَ أَأَنتَ قُلتَ لِلنَّاسِ اتَّخِذُونِيوَأُمِّيَ إِلَـهَيْنِ مِن دُونِ اللّهِ قَالَ سُبْحَانَكَ مَا يَكُونُ لِي أَنْأَقُولَ مَا لَيْسَ لِي بِحَقٍّ إِن كُنتُ قُلْتُهُ فَقَدْ عَلِمْتَهُ تَعْلَمُمَا فِينَفْسِي وَلاَ أَعْلَمُ مَا فِي نَفْسِكَ إِنَّكَ أَنتَ عَلاَّمُ الْغُيُوب|rtl}}''' ** [https://quran.com/5/116 Quran 5:116] ([[w:Al-Ma'ida|The Dinner Table]], {{lang|ar|سورة المائدة|rtl}}) ** Translation: *** And when Allah will say: O Isa son of Marium! [Jesus son of Mary] did you say to men, Take me and my mother for two gods besides Allah he will say: Glory be to Thee, it did not befit me that I should say what I had no right to (say); if I had said it, Thou wouldst indeed have known it; Thou knowest what is in my mind, and I do not know what is in Thy mind, surely Thou art the great Knower of the unseen things.{{Citation needed}} * '''{{lang|ar| فَأَتَتْ بِهِ قَوْمَهَا تَحْمِلُهُ قَالُوا يَا مَرْيَمُ لَقَدْ جِئْتِ شَيْئاًفَرِيّاً يَا أُخْتَ هَارُونَ مَا كَانَ أَبُوكِ امْرَأَ سَوْءٍ وَمَا كَانَتْأُمُّكِ بَغِيّاً فَأَشَارَتْ إِلَيْهِ قَالُوا كَيْفَ نُكَلِّمُ مَن كَانَفِيالْمَهْدِ صَبِيّاً قَالَ إِنِّي عَبْدُ اللَّهِ آتَانِيَ الْكِتَابَ وَجَعَلَنِينَبِيّاً وَجَعَلَنِي مُبَارَكاً أَيْنَ مَا كُنتُ وَأَوْصَانِي بِالصَّلَاةِوَالزَّكَاةِ مَا دُمْتُ حَيّاً وَبَرّاً بِوَالِدَتِي وَلَمْ يَجْعَلْنِيجَبَّاراً شَقِيّاً وَالسَّلَامُ عَلَيَّ يَوْمَ وُلِدتُّ وَيَوْمَ أَمُوتُوَيَوْمَ أُبْعَثُ حَيّاً ذَلِكَ عِيسَى ابْنُ مَرْيَمَ قَوْلَ الْحَقِّالَّذِي فِيهِ يَمْتَرُونَ مَا كَانَ لِلَّهِ أَن يَتَّخِذَ مِن وَلَدٍ سُبْحَانَهُإِذَا قَضَى أَمْراً فَإِنَّمَا يَقُولُ لَهُ كُن فَيَكُونُ وَإِنَّ اللَّهَرَبِّي وَرَبُّكُمْفَاعْبُدُوهُ هَذَا صِرَاطٌ مُّسْتَقِيمٌ فَاخْتَلَفَ الْأَحْزَابُ مِنبَيْنِهِمْ فَوَيْلٌ لِّلَّذِينَ كَفَرُوا مِن مَّشْهَدِ يَوْمٍ عَظِيمٍ أَسْمِعْ بِهِمْوَأَبْصِرْ يَوْمَ يَأْتُونَنَا لَكِنِ الظَّالِمُونَ الْيَوْمَ فِي ضَلَالٍ مُّبِينٍ وَأَنذِرْهُمْ يَوْمَ الْحَسْرَةِ إِذْ قُضِيَ الْأَمْرُ وَهُمْ فِي غَفْلَةٍوَهُمْ لَا يُؤْمِنُونَ|rtl}}''' ** [https://quran.com/19/27-39 Quran 19:27–39] ([[w:Maryam|Maryam]], {{lang|ar|سورة مريم|rtl}}) ** Translation: *** Then she brought him to her own folk, carrying him. They said: O Mary! Thou hast come with an amazing thing. O sister of Aaron! Thy father was not a wicked man nor was thy mother a harlot. Then she pointed to him. They said: How can we talk to one who is in the cradle, a young boy? He spake: Lo! I am the slave of Allah. He hath given me the Scripture and hath appointed me a Prophet, And hath made me blessed wheresoever I may be, and hath enjoined upon me prayer and almsgiving so long as I remain alive, And (hath made me) dutiful toward her who bore me, and hath not made me arrogant, unblest. Peace on me the day I was born, and the day I die, and the day I shall be raised alive! Such was Jesus, son of Mary: (this is) a statement of the truth concerning which they doubt. It befitteth not (the Majesty of) Allah that He should take unto Himself a son. Glory be to Him! When He decreeth a thing, He saith unto it only: Be! and it is. And lo! Allah is my Lord and your Lord. So serve Him. That is the right path. The sects among them differ: but woe unto the disbelievers from the meeting of an awful Day. See and hear them on the Day they come unto Us! yet the evil-doers are today in error manifest. And warn them of the Day of anguish when the case hath been decided. Now they are in a state of carelessness, and they believe not.{{Citation needed}} * '''وَإِذْ أَخَذْنَا مِنَ ٱلنَّبِيِّـۧنَ مِيثَـٰقَهُمْ وَمِنكَ وَمِن نُّوحٍۢ وَإِبْرَٰهِيمَ وَمُوسَىٰ وَ[[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَى]] ٱبْنِ مَرْيَمَ ۖ وَأَخَذْنَا مِنْهُم مِّيثَـٰقًا غَلِيظًۭا لِّيَسْـَٔلَ ٱلصَّـٰدِقِينَ عَن صِدْقِهِمْ''' ** [https://quran.com/33/7-8 Quran 33:7–8] ** Translation: *** And ˹remember˺ when We took a covenant from the prophets, as well as from you ˹O Prophet˺, and from Noah, Abraham, Moses, and [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], son of Mary. We did take a solemn covenant from ˹all of˺ them so that He may question these men of truth about their ˹delivery of the˺ truth. **** [https://quran.com/33/7-8?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''شَرَعَ لَكُم مِّنَ ٱلدِّينِ مَا وَصَّىٰ بِهِۦ نُوحًۭا وَٱلَّذِىٓ أَوْحَيْنَآ إِلَيْكَ وَمَا وَصَّيْنَا بِهِۦٓ إِبْرَٰهِيمَ وَمُوسَىٰ وَ[[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَىٰٓ]] ۖ أَنْ أَقِيمُوا۟ ٱلدِّينَ وَلَا تَتَفَرَّقُوا۟ فِيهِ''' ** [https://quran.com/42/13 Quran 42:13] ** Translation: *** He has ordained for you ˹believers˺ the Way which He decreed for Noah, and what We have revealed to you ˹O Prophet˺ and what We decreed for Abraham, Moses, and [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], ˹commanding:˺ "Uphold the faith, and make no divisions in it." **** [https://quran.com/42/13?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''وَلَمَّا جَآءَ [[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَىٰ]] بِٱلْبَيِّنَـٰتِ قَالَ قَدْ جِئْتُكُم بِٱلْحِكْمَةِ وَلِأُبَيِّنَ لَكُم بَعْضَ ٱلَّذِى تَخْتَلِفُونَ فِيهِ ۖ فَٱتَّقُوا۟ ٱللَّهَ وَأَطِيعُونِ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ هُوَ رَبِّى وَرَبُّكُمْ فَٱعْبُدُوهُ ۚ هَـٰذَا صِرَٰطٌۭ مُّسْتَقِيمٌۭ''' ** [https://quran.com/43/63-64 Quran 43:63–64] ** Translation: *** When [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]] came with clear proofs, he declared, "I have come to you with wisdom, and to clarify to you some of what you differ about. So fear Allah, and obey me. Surely Allah ˹alone˺ is my Lord and your Lord, so worship Him ˹alone˺. This is the Straight Path." **** [https://quran.com/43/63-64?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''ثُمَّ قَفَّيْنَا عَلَىٰٓ ءَاثَـٰرِهِم بِرُسُلِنَا وَقَفَّيْنَا بِ[[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَى]] ٱبْنِ مَرْيَمَ وَءَاتَيْنَـٰهُ ٱلْإِنجِيلَ وَجَعَلْنَا فِى قُلُوبِ ٱلَّذِينَ ٱتَّبَعُوهُ رَأْفَةًۭ وَرَحْمَةًۭ''' ** [https://quran.com/57/27 Quran 57:27] ** Translation: *** Then in the footsteps of these ˹prophets˺, We sent Our messengers, and ˹after them˺ We sent [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], son of Mary, and granted him the Gospel, and instilled compassion and mercy into the hearts of his followers. **** [https://quran.com/57/27?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''{{lang|ar|وَإِذْ قَالَ عِيسَى ابْنُ مَرْيَمَ يَا بَنِي إِسْرَائِيلَ إِنِّي رَسُولُ اللَّهِإِلَيْكُم مُّصَدِّقاًلِّمَا بَيْنَ يَدَيَّ مِنَ التَّوْرَاةِ وَمُبَشِّراً بِرَسُولٍ يَأْتِي مِنبَعْدِي اسْمُهُ أَحْمَدُ فَلَمَّاجَاءهُم بِالْبَيِّنَاتِ قَالُوا هَذَا سِحْرٌ مُّبِينٌ|rtl}}''' ** [https://quran.com/61/6 Quran 61:6] ([[w:As-Saff|The Ranks]], {{lang|ar|سورة الصف|rtl}}) ** Translation: *** And when Isa son of Marium [Jesus son of Mary] said: O children of Israel! surely I am the apostle of Allah to you, verifying that which is before me of the Taurat and giving the good news of an Apostle who will come after me, his name being [[w:Ahmad (name)|Ahmad]] [Muhammad], but when he came to them with clear arguments they said: This is clear magic.{{Citation needed}} * '''يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ كُونُوٓا۟ أَنصَارَ ٱللَّهِ كَمَا قَالَ [[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَى]] ٱبْنُ مَرْيَمَ لِلْحَوَارِيِّـۧنَ مَنْ أَنصَارِىٓ إِلَى ٱللَّهِ ۖ قَالَ ٱلْحَوَارِيُّونَ نَحْنُ أَنصَارُ ٱللَّهِ ۖ فَـَٔامَنَت طَّآئِفَةٌۭ مِّنۢ بَنِىٓ إِسْرَٰٓءِيلَ وَكَفَرَت طَّآئِفَةٌۭ ۖ فَأَيَّدْنَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ عَلَىٰ عَدُوِّهِمْ فَأَصْبَحُوا۟ ظَـٰهِرِينَ''' ** [https://quran.com/61/14 Quran 61:14] ** Translation: *** O believers! Stand up for Allah, as [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], son of Mary, asked the disciples, "Who will stand up with me for Allah?" The disciples replied, "We will stand up for Allah." Then a group from the Children of Israel believed while another disbelieved. We then supported the believers against their enemies, so they prevailed. **** [https://quran.com/61/14?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''{{lang|ar|بِسْمِ اللهِ ٱلرَّحْمَـٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيمِ قُلْ هُوَ اللَّهُ أَحَدٌ اللَّهُ الصَّمَدُ لَمْ يَلِدْوَلَمْ يُولَدْ وَلَمْ يَكُن لَّهُ كُفُواً أَحَدٌ|rtl}}''' ** [https://quran.com/112/1-4 Quran 112:1–4] ([[w:Al-Ikhlas|The Unity]], {{lang|ar|سورة الإخلاص|rtl}}) ** Translation: *** Say: He, Allah, is One. Allah is He on Whom all depend. He begets not, nor is He begotten. And none is like Him. ** Comments: *** This statement was declared as a rebuke to Christian doctrines of Jesus as the incarnation of God, and that God could beget a son that was his equal. * Surah ii. 254: "Some of the apostles we have endowed more highly than others: Those to whom God hath spoken. He hath raised to the loftiest grade, and to Jesus, son of Mary we gave manifest signs, and we strengthened him with the Holy Spirit. And if God had pleased, they who came after them would not have wrangled, after the clear signs had reached them. But into disputes they fell; some of them believed, and some were infidels; yet if God had pleased, they would not have thus wrangled; but God doth what he will." ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah iii. 37-42: "And remember when the angels said, 'O Mary! Verily hath God chosen thee, and purified thee, and chosen thee above the women of the worlds! O Mary! Be devout towards thy Lord, and prostrate thyself and bow down with those who bow.' This is one of the announcements of things unseen by thee: To thee, O Muhammad! do we reveal it; for thou wast not with them when they cast lots with reeds which of them should rear Mary: nor wast thou with them when they disputed about it. Remember when the angel said, "O mary! Verily God annnounceth to thee the Word from Him: His name shall be Messiah Jesus the son of Mary, illustrious in this world, and in the next, and one of those who have near access to God; and he shall speak to mean alike when in the cradle and when grown up; and he shall be one of the just.' She said, 'How, O my Lord? Shall I have a son, when man hath not touched me?' He said, 'Thus: God will create what He will; when He decreeth a thing He only saith, "Be," and it is.' And He will teach him the Book, and the Wisdom, and the Law, and the Evangel; and he shall be an apostle to the children of Israel." ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah iii. 44: "And I have come to attest the law which was before me; and to allow you part of that which had been forbidden you; and I come to you with a sign from your Lord; Fear God, then, and obey me; of a truth God is my Lord, and your Lord: Therefore worship Him. This is a right way." ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * She said: My Lord! How can I have a child when no mortal hath touched me? He said: So (it will be). Allah createth what He will. If He decreeth a thing, He saith unto it only: Be! and it is. <br /> And He will teach him the Scripture and wisdom, and the Torah and the Gospel, <br /> And will make him a messenger unto the Children of Israel, (saying): Lo! I come unto you with a sign from your Lord. Lo! I fashion for you out of clay the likeness of a bird, and I breathe into it and it is a bird, by Allah's leave. I heal him who was born blind, and the leper, and I raise the dead, by Allah's leave. And I announce unto you what ye eat and what ye store up in your houses. Lo! herein verily is a portent for you, if ye are to be believers. <br /> And (I come) confirming that which was before me of the Torah, and to make lawful some of that which was forbidden unto you. I come unto you with a sign from your Lord, so keep your duty to Allah and obey me. ** The [[Quran]] [https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/quran/3/index.htm Sura 3:47-50] as translated by [[w:Marmaduke Pickthall|Marmaduke Pickthall]] in ''[[w:The Meaning of the Glorious Koran|The Meaning of the Glorious Koran]]'' (1930) * Surah iii. 51, 52: "These signs, and this wise warning do we rehearse to thee. Verily, Jesus is as Adam in the sight of God. He created Him of dust: He then said to him, 'Be,' – and he was." ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah iii. 72, 73: "And some truly are there among them who torture the Scriptures with they tongues, in order that ye may suppose it to be from the Scripture, yet it is not from the Scripture. And they say, 'This is from God'; yet it is not from God; and they utter s lie against God, and they know they do so. It beseemeth not a man, that God should give his the Scriptures and the Wisdom, and the gift of prophecy, and that then he should say to his followers, 'Be ye worshipers of me, as well as of God'; but rather, 'Be ye perfect in things pertaining to God, since ye know the Scriptures, and have studied deep.'" ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah v. 76-69: "They misbelieve who say, 'Verily, God is the Messiah, the son of Mary'; but the Messiah said, 'O children of Israel! Worship God, my Lord and your Lord; verily, he who associates aught with God, God hath forbidden him Paradise, and his resort is the Fire, and the unjust shall have none to help them. They misbelieve who say, 'Verily God is the third of three, for there is no God but one; and if they do not desist from what they say, there shall touch those who misbelieve amongst them grievous woe. Will they not turn again towards God and ask pardon of Him? For God is forgiving and merciful.' The Messiah, the son of Mary, is only a prophet! Prophets before him have passed away; and his mother was a confessor; they used both to eat food. See how we explain to them the signs, yet see how they turn aside!" ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah lvii. 26, 27: "And of old sent we Noah and Abraham, and on their seed conferred the gift of prophecy, and the Book; and some of them we guided aright; but many were evil doers. Then we caused our apostles to follow in their footsteps; and we caused Jesus the son of Mary to follow them; and we gave him the Evangel and we put into the hearts of those who followed him kindness and compassion; but as to the monastic life, they invented it themselves. The desire only of pleasing God did we prescribe to them, and this they observed not as it ought to have been observed; but to such of them as believed gave we their reward, though many of them were perverse." ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah xix. 16-21: "And make mention in the Book, of Mary, when she went apart from her family, eastward, and took a veil to shroud herself from them: and We sent Our spirit to her, and he took before her the form of a perfect man. She said: 'I fly for refuge from thee to the God of Mercy! If thou fearest Him, begone from me.' He said: 'I am only a messenger of they Lord, that I may bestow on thee a holy son.' She said: 'How shall I have a son, when man hath never touched me? And I am not unchaste.' He said: 'So shall it be. Thy Lord hath said: "Easy is this with me; and we will make him a sign to mankind and a mercy from us. For it is a thing decreed."'" ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah lxi. 6: "And remember when Jesus the son of Mary said, 'O children of Israel! Of a truth I am God's apostle to you to confirm the law which was given before me, and to announce an apostle that shall come after me whose name shall be Ahmad! But when he (Ahmad) presented himself with clear proofs of his mission, they said, 'This is manifest sorcery!" ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah xxiii. 52: "And we appointed the Son and his Mother for a sign; and we prepared an abode in a lofty spot, quiet and watered with springs." ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah v. 112-115: "Remember when the Apostles said: 'O Jesus, Son of Mary! Is thy Lord able to send down a furnished table to us out of Heaven?' He said: 'Fear God if ye be believers.' They said: 'We desire to eat therefrom, and to have our hearts assured; and to know that thou hast indeed spoken truth to us, and to be witnesses thereof.' Jesus, Son of Mary, said: 'O God our Lord! Send down a table to us out of Heaven, that it may become a recurring festival to us, to the first of us and to the last of us, and a sign from thee; and do thou nourish us, for thou art the best of nourishers.' And God said: 'Verily, I will cause it to descend unto you; but whoever among you after that shall disbelieve, I will surely chastise him with a chastisement wherewith I will not chastise any other creature. ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah v. 19: "Infidels now are they who say, 'Verily God is Messiah Ibn Maryam (son of Mary)! SAY: And who could aught obtain from God, if he chose to destroy the Messiah Ibn Maryam, and his mother, and all who are on the earth together?'" ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah vi. 85: "And Zachariah, John, Jesus, and Elias: all were just persons." ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah ix. 30: "The Jews say Ezra is the Son of God; and the Christians say that the Messiah is the Son of God; that is what they say with their mouths imitating the sayings of those who misbelieve before - God fight them! - How they lie!" ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Then she conceived him; and withdrew with him to a remote place. ‏And the throes of childbirth drove her to the trunk of a palm-tree. She said: Oh, would that I had died before this, and had been a thing quite forgotten! ‏So a voice came to her from beneath her: Grieve not, surely thy Lord has provided a stream beneath thee. ‏ And shake towards thee the trunk of the palm-tree, it will drop on thee fresh ripe dates. ‏So eat and drink and cool the eye. Then if thou seest any mortal, say: Surely I have vowed a fast to the Beneficent, so I will not speak to any man to-day. ** Qur'an 19:22-26 * But she pointed to him. They said: How should we speak to one who is a child in the cradle? He said: I am indeed a servant of Allah. He has given me the Book and made me a prophet. And He has made me blessed wherever I may be, and He has enjoined on me prayer and poor-rate so long as I live: ** Qur'an 19:29-31 * Surah xliii. 57-65: "And when the Son of Mary was set forth as an instance of divine power, lo! Thy people cried out for joy thereat: And they said, "Are our god or is he the better?' They put this forth to thee only in the spirit of dispute. Yea. They are a contentious people. Jesus is no more than a servant whom we favored, and proposed as an instance of divine power to the children of Israel; and if we pleased, we could from yourselves bring forth Angels to succeed you on earth; and he shall be a sign of the last hour; doubt not then of it, and follow ye me: this is the right way; and let not Satan turn you aside from it, for he is your manifest foe. And when Jesus came with manifest proofs, he said, 'Now am I come to you with wisdom; and a part of those things about which ye are at variance I will clear up to you; fear ye God, therefore, and obey me. Verily, God is my Lord and your Lord; wherefore, worship ye him: this is a right way.' But the different parties fell into disputes among themselves; but woe to those who thus transgressed, because of the punishment of an afflictive day!" ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah xix. 35, 36: "That is Jesus, the son of Mary, the word of truth (Qaulu 'l-Haqq), whereon ye do dispute! God could not take to Himself a son! Celebrated be His praise! When He decrees a matter He only say to it 'BE,' and it is; and verily God is my Lord and your Lord, so worship Him: this is the right way. But the sects have differed among themselves." ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. === Hadith === : <small>[[Wikisource:Hadith|Hadith]] in Wikisource</small> * The Prophet said, "On the night of my Ascent to the Heaven, I saw Moses who was a tall brown curly-haired man as if he was one of the men of Shan'awa tribe, and I saw Jesus, a man of medium height and moderate complexion inclined to the red and white colors and of lank hair. I also saw Malik, the gate-keeper of the (Hell) Fire and [[w:Dajjal|Ad-Dajjal]] [the [[w:Antichrist|Antichrist]]] amongst the signs which Allah showed me." ** [[w:Hadith|Hadith]], translation of [[Sahih Bukhari|Sahih Bukhari]], [https://www.usc.edu/dept/MSA/fundamentals/hadithsunnah/bukhari/054.sbt.html#004.054.462 Volume 4, Book 54, Number 462] * Allah's Apostle said, "How will you be when the son of Mary ([[w:Jesus Christ|Jesus]]) descends amongst you and he will judge people by the Law of the Qur'an and not by the law of Gospel?" ** [[w:Hadith|Hadith]], translation of [[w:Sahih Bukhari|Sahih Bukhari]], [https://www.usc.edu/dept/MSA/fundamentals/hadithsunnah/bukhari/055.sbt.html#004.055.554 Volume 4, Book 55, Number 65] * The Prophet said, "On the Day of Resurrection the Believers will assemble and say, 'Let us ask somebody to intercede for us with our Lord.' ... 'Go to Jesus, Allah's Slave, His Apostle and Allah's Word and a Spirit coming from Him.' Jesus will say, 'I am not fit for this undertaking, go to Muhammad the Slave of Allah whose past and future sins were forgiven by Allah.' So they will come to me and I will proceed till I will ask my Lord's Permission and I will be given permission. ** [[w:Hadith|Hadith]], translation of [[w:Sahih Bukhari|Sahih Bukhari]], [https://www.usc.edu/dept/MSA/fundamentals/hadithsunnah/bukhari/060.sbt.html#006.060.149 Volume 6, Book 50, Number 3] * By Him in Whose hand is my life, the son of Mary will soon descend among you as a just judge. He will break crosses, kill swine and abolish Jizya and the wealth will pour forth to such an extent that no one will accept it. ** [[Hadith]], translation of [[w:Sahih Bukhari|Sahih Bukhari]], [https://sunnah.com/muslim/1/296 Book 1, Hadith 296] === The Dome of the Rock === : ''This section cites inscriptions from the Dome of the Rock ({{lang|ar|مسجد قبة الصخرة|rtl}}).'' [[File:Dehio 10 Dome of the Rock Floor plan.jpg|thumb|Oh God, bless Your Messenger and Your servant Jesus son of Mary. Peace be on him the day he was born, and the day he dies, and the day he shall be raised alive! <!-- Floor plan for the octagonal arcade of [[w:The Dome of the Rock|The Dome of the Rock]] ({{lang|ar|مسجد قبة الصخرة|rtl}}) in Jerusalem (built 692 CE), which contains numerous inscriptions that refer to Jesus -->]] * "O People of the Book! Do not exaggerate in your religion nor utter aught concerning God save the truth. The Messiah, Jesus son of Mary, was only a Messenger of God, and His Word which He conveyed unto Mary, and a spirit from Him. So believe in God and His messengers, and say not 'Three' — Cease! (it is better for you! — God is only One God. Far be it removed from His transcendent majesty that He should have a son. His is all that is in the heavens and all that is in the earth. And God is sufficient as Defender." (Quran 4:171) ** [[w:Islam|Islamic]] inscription in the east-northeast inner octagonal arcade of the [[w:Dome of the Rock|Dome of the Rock]], Jerusalem (692 CE), [link to [https://www.islamic-awareness.org/History/Islam/Inscriptions/DoTR.html full text and translation]] * Oh God, bless Your Messenger and Your servant Jesus son of Mary. Peace be on him the day he was born, and the day he dies, and the day he shall be raised alive! Such was Jesus, son of Mary, (this is) a statement of the truth concerning which they doubt. ** [[w:Islam|Islamic]] inscription in the north-northwest inner octagonal arcade of the [[w:Dome of the Rock|Dome of the Rock]], Jerusalem (692 CE), [link to [https://www.islamic-awareness.org/History/Islam/Inscriptions/DoTR.html full text and translation]] * It befitteth not (the Majesty of) God that He should take unto Himself a son. Glory be to Him! When He decreeth a thing, He saith unto it only: Be! and it is. Lo! God is my Lord and your Lord. So serve Him. That is the right path. God (Himself) is witness that there is no God save Him. ** [[w:Islam|Islamic]] inscription in the northwest-west inner octagonal arcade of the [[w:Dome of the Rock|Dome of the Rock]], Jerusalem (692 CE), [link to [https://www.islamic-awareness.org/History/Islam/Inscriptions/DoTR.html full text and translation]] * There is no god but God. He is One. Praise be to God, Who hath not taken unto Himself a son, and Who hath no partner in the Sovereignty, nor hath He any protecting friend through dependence. ** [[w:Islam|Islamic]] inscription in the west-northwest inner octagonal arcade of the [[w:Dome of the Rock|Dome of the Rock]], Jerusalem (692 CE), [link to [https://www.islamic-awareness.org/History/Islam/Inscriptions/DoTR.html full text and translation]] === Commentary === * According to most classical Muslim commentators the Quran teaches that Jesus did not die. On the day of the crucifixion [[w:Islamic views on Jesus's death#Substitution interpretation|another person]] – whether his disciple or his betrayer – was miraculously transformed and assumed the appearance of Jesus. He was taken away, crucified, and killed, while Jesus was assumed body and soul into heaven. Most critical scholars accept that this is indeed the Quran's teaching, even if the Quran states explicitly only that the Jews did not kill Jesus. ** Gabriel S. Reynolds: [https://doi.org/10.1017%2FS0041977X09000500 "The Muslim Jesus: Dead or Alive?"] ([https://www3.nd.edu/~reynolds/index_files/jesus%20dead%20or%20alive.pdf PDF]). ''Bulletin of the School of Oriental and African Studies'', University of London. Cambridge University Press, May 2009. == See also == * [[Jesus#The Qur'an and the Hadith|Jesus § The Qur'an and the Hadith]] * [[Quran]] == External links == {{wikipedia|Jesus in the Quran}} * [https://quran.com/search?page=1&q=jesus&translations=131 Search for "Jesus" at Quran.com] * [https://search-the-quran.com/search/Jesus Search for "Jesus" at Search-the-Quran.com] [[Category:Quran]] [[Category:Islam]] [[Category:Jesus]] [[Category:Biblical people in Islam]] [[Category:Prophets of Islam]] ebh8uvlule581xh5f089hmxemy3kb9y 3779100 3779099 2025-07-15T11:38:48Z SolarisQ 3137151 Used arabic template 3779100 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Isa (Jesus)1 (cropped).png|thumb|right|Jesus's Arabic name [[w:Isa (name)|Isa]] ([[Wiktionary:عيسى|{{arabic|عِيسَى}}]]) in Islamic calligraphy.]] There are many passages about '''[[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus in Islam]]'''. The [[Quran]] uses the name [[w:Isa (name)|Isa]] ([[Wiktionary:عيسى|{{arabic|عِيسَى}}]]) for [[Jesus]] and places him amongst the greatest prophets. In Islam, Jesus is believed to be the Messiah and the penultimate prophet and messenger of God, succeeded by [[Muhammad]]. This page quotes from the most prominent passages about Jesus in the Quran. The translation used is [[w:The Clear Quran|''The Clear Quran'']] by Dr. Mustafa Khattab, and the links go to [https://quran.com/ Quran.com], which provides additional translations. == Quotes == === Quran === ==== Miracles ==== :''See also: [[w:Jesus in Islam#Miracles|Jesus in Islam § Miracles (Wikipedia)]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|إِذْ قَالَ ٱللَّهُ يَـٰ[[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَى]] ٱبْنَ مَرْيَمَ ٱذْكُرْ نِعْمَتِى عَلَيْكَ وَعَلَىٰ وَٰلِدَتِكَ إِذْ أَيَّدتُّكَ بِرُوحِ ٱلْقُدُسِ تُكَلِّمُ ٱلنَّاسَ فِى ٱلْمَهْدِ وَكَهْلًۭا ۖ وَإِذْ عَلَّمْتُكَ ٱلْكِتَـٰبَ وَٱلْحِكْمَةَ وَٱلتَّوْرَىٰةَ وَٱلْإِنجِيلَ ۖ وَإِذْ تَخْلُقُ مِنَ ٱلطِّينِ كَهَيْـَٔةِ ٱلطَّيْرِ بِإِذْنِى فَتَنفُخُ فِيهَا فَتَكُونُ طَيْرًۢا بِإِذْنِى ۖ وَتُبْرِئُ ٱلْأَكْمَهَ وَٱلْأَبْرَصَ بِإِذْنِى ۖ وَإِذْ تُخْرِجُ ٱلْمَوْتَىٰ بِإِذْنِى ۖ وَإِذْ كَفَفْتُ بَنِىٓ إِسْرَٰٓءِيلَ عَنكَ إِذْ جِئْتَهُم بِٱلْبَيِّنَـٰتِ فَقَالَ ٱلَّذِينَ كَفَرُوا۟ مِنْهُمْ إِنْ هَـٰذَآ إِلَّا سِحْرٌۭ مُّبِينٌۭ}} ** [https://quran.com/5/110 Quran 5:110] ** Translation: *** And ˹on Judgment Day˺ Allah will say, "O [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], son of Mary! Remember My favour upon you and your mother: how I supported you with the holy spirit so you spoke to people in ˹your˺ infancy and adulthood. How I taught you writing, wisdom, the Torah, and the Gospel. How you moulded a bird from clay—by My Will—and breathed into it and it became a ˹real˺ bird—by My Will. How you healed the blind and the lepers—by My Will. How you brought the dead to life—by My Will. How I prevented the Children of Israel from harming you when you came to them with clear proofs and the disbelievers among them said, 'This is nothing but pure magic.'" **** [https://quran.com/5/110?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] ==== Trinity ==== :''See also: [[w:Islamic view of the Trinity|Islamic view of the Trinity (Wikipedia)]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|يَـٰٓأَهْلَ ٱلْكِتَـٰبِ لَا تَغْلُوا۟ فِى دِينِكُمْ وَلَا تَقُولُوا۟ عَلَى ٱللَّهِ إِلَّا ٱلْحَقَّ ۚ إِنَّمَا ٱلْمَسِيحُ [[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَى]] ٱبْنُ مَرْيَمَ رَسُولُ ٱللَّهِ وَكَلِمَتُهُۥٓ أَلْقَىٰهَآ إِلَىٰ مَرْيَمَ وَرُوحٌۭ مِّنْهُ ۖ فَـَٔامِنُوا۟ بِٱللَّهِ وَرُسُلِهِۦ ۖ وَلَا تَقُولُوا۟ [[w:Islamic view of the Trinity|ثَلَـٰثَةٌ]] ۚ ٱنتَهُوا۟ خَيْرًۭا لَّكُمْ ۚ إِنَّمَا ٱللَّهُ إِلَـٰهٌۭ وَٰحِدٌۭ ۖ سُبْحَـٰنَهُۥٓ أَن يَكُونَ لَهُۥ وَلَدٌۭ ۘ لَّهُۥ مَا فِى ٱلسَّمَـٰوَٰتِ وَمَا فِى ٱلْأَرْضِ ۗ وَكَفَىٰ بِٱللَّهِ وَكِيلًۭا}} ** [https://quran.com/4/171 Quran 4:171] ([[w:An-Nisa|The Women]], {{arabic|سورة النساء}}) ** Translations: *** O People of the Book! Do not go to extremes regarding your faith; say nothing about Allah except the truth. The Messiah, [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], son of Mary, was no more than a messenger of Allah and the fulfilment of His Word through Mary and a spirit ˹created by a command˺ from Him. So believe in Allah and His messengers and do not say, "[[w:Islamic view of the Trinity|Trinity]]." Stop!—for your own good. Allah is only One God. Glory be to Him! He is far above having a son! To Him belongs whatever is in the heavens and whatever is on the earth. And Allah is sufficient as a Trustee of Affairs. **** [https://quran.com/4/171?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] *** O ye people of the Book! Overstep not bounds in your religion; and of God, speak only truth. The Messiah, Jesus, son of Mary, is only an apostle of God, and His Word which he conveyed into Mary, and a Spirit from Him. Believe, therefore, in God and His apostles, and say not, "Three": (i.e. there is a Trinity) – Forbear – it will be better for you. God is only one God! Far be it from His glory that He should have a son! His, whatever is in the Heavens, and whatever is in the Earth! And God is a sufficient Guardian. **** ''Dictionary of Islam'' by T. P. Hughes * {{arabic|weight=bold|لَّقَدْ كَفَرَ ٱلَّذِينَ قَالُوٓا۟ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ هُوَ ٱلْمَسِيحُ ٱبْنُ مَرْيَمَ ۚ قُلْ فَمَن يَمْلِكُ مِنَ ٱللَّهِ شَيْـًٔا إِنْ أَرَادَ أَن يُهْلِكَ ٱلْمَسِيحَ ٱبْنَ مَرْيَمَ وَأُمَّهُۥ وَمَن فِى ٱلْأَرْضِ جَمِيعًۭا ۗ وَلِلَّهِ مُلْكُ ٱلسَّمَـٰوَٰتِ وَٱلْأَرْضِ وَمَا بَيْنَهُمَا ۚ يَخْلُقُ مَا يَشَآءُ ۚ وَٱللَّهُ عَلَىٰ كُلِّ شَىْءٍۢ قَدِيرٌۭ}} ** [https://quran.com/5/17 Quran 5:17] ** Translation: *** Indeed, those who say, "Allah is the Messiah, son of Mary," have fallen into disbelief. Say, ˹O Prophet,˺ "Who has the power to prevent Allah if He chose to destroy the Messiah, son of Mary, his mother, and everyone in the world all together?" To Allah ˹alone˺ belongs the kingdom of the heavens and the earth and everything in between. He creates whatever He wills. And Allah is Most Capable of everything. **** [https://quran.com/5/17?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] *** In blasphemy indeed are those that say that God is Christ the son of Mary. Say: "Who then hath the least power against God, if He wished to destroy Christ the son of Mary, his mother, and all those on the earth? For to God belongeth the dominion of the heavens and the earth, and all that is between. He createth what He pleaseth. For God hath power over all things. **** [https://quran.com/5/17?translations=22 ''The Holy Qur'an: Text, Translation and Commentary''] by [[w:Abdullah Yusuf Ali|Abdullah Yusuf Ali]] ==== Jesus's death ==== :''See also: [[w:Islamic views on Jesus's death|Islamic views on Jesus's death (Wikipedia)]] :''See also: [[w:Jesus in Islam#Ascension|Jesus in Islam § Ascension (Wikipedia)]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|فَبِمَا نَقْضِهِم مِّيثَـٰقَهُمْ وَكُفْرِهِم بِـَٔايَـٰتِ ٱللَّهِ وَقَتْلِهِمُ ٱلْأَنۢبِيَآءَ بِغَيْرِ حَقٍّۢ وَقَوْلِهِمْ قُلُوبُنَا غُلْفٌۢ ۚ بَلْ طَبَعَ ٱللَّهُ عَلَيْهَا بِكُفْرِهِمْ فَلَا يُؤْمِنُونَ إِلَّا قَلِيلًۭا وَبِكُفْرِهِمْ وَقَوْلِهِمْ عَلَىٰ مَرْيَمَ بُهْتَـٰنًا عَظِيمًۭا وَقَوْلِهِمْ إِنَّا قَتَلْنَا ٱلْمَسِيحَ [[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَى]] ٱبْنَ مَرْيَمَ رَسُولَ ٱللَّهِ وَمَا قَتَلُوهُ وَمَا صَلَبُوهُ وَلَـٰكِن شُبِّهَ لَهُمْ ۚ وَإِنَّ ٱلَّذِينَ ٱخْتَلَفُوا۟ فِيهِ لَفِى شَكٍّۢ مِّنْهُ ۚ مَا لَهُم بِهِۦ مِنْ عِلْمٍ إِلَّا ٱتِّبَاعَ ٱلظَّنِّ ۚ وَمَا قَتَلُوهُ يَقِينًۢا بَل رَّفَعَهُ ٱللَّهُ إِلَيْهِ ۚ وَكَانَ ٱللَّهُ عَزِيزًا حَكِيمًۭا}} ** [https://quran.com/4/155-158 Quran 4:155–158] ([[w:An-Nisa|The Women]], {{arabic|سورة النساء}}) ** Translation: *** ˹[[w:People of the Book|They]] were condemned˺ for breaking their covenant, rejecting Allah's signs, killing the prophets unjustly, and for saying, "Our hearts are unreceptive!"—it is Allah Who has sealed their hearts for their disbelief, so they do not believe except for a few—and for their denial and outrageous accusation against Mary, and for boasting, "We killed the Messiah, [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], son of Mary, the messenger of Allah." But they neither killed nor crucified him—it was only made to appear so. Even those who argue for this ˹crucifixion˺ are in doubt. They have no knowledge whatsoever—only making assumptions. They certainly did not kill him. Rather, Allah raised him up to Himself. And Allah is Almighty, All-Wise. **** [https://quran.com/4/155-158?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] ==== Miscellaneous ==== * {{arabic|weight=bold|وَلَقَدْ ءَاتَيْنَا مُوسَى ٱلْكِتَـٰبَ وَقَفَّيْنَا مِنۢ بَعْدِهِۦ بِٱلرُّسُلِ ۖ وَءَاتَيْنَا [[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَى]] ٱبْنَ مَرْيَمَ ٱلْبَيِّنَـٰتِ وَأَيَّدْنَـٰهُ بِرُوحِ ٱلْقُدُسِ ۗ أَفَكُلَّمَا جَآءَكُمْ رَسُولٌۢ بِمَا لَا تَهْوَىٰٓ أَنفُسُكُمُ ٱسْتَكْبَرْتُمْ فَفَرِيقًۭا كَذَّبْتُمْ وَفَرِيقًۭا تَقْتُلُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/2/87 Quran 2:87] ** Translations: *** Indeed, We gave Moses the Book and sent after him successive messengers. And We gave [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], son of Mary, clear proofs and supported him with the holy spirit. **** [https://quran.com/2/87?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] *** Moreover, to Moses gave we "the Book", and we raised up apostles after him; and to Jesus, son of Mary, gave we clear proofs of his mission and strengthened him by the Holy Spirit. **** ''Dictionary of Islam'' by T. P. Hughes * {{arabic|weight=bold|قُولُوٓا۟ ءَامَنَّا بِٱللَّهِ وَمَآ أُنزِلَ إِلَيْنَا وَمَآ أُنزِلَ إِلَىٰٓ إِبْرَٰهِـۧمَ وَإِسْمَـٰعِيلَ وَإِسْحَـٰقَ وَيَعْقُوبَ وَٱلْأَسْبَاطِ وَمَآ أُوتِىَ مُوسَىٰ وَ[[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَىٰ]] وَمَآ أُوتِىَ ٱلنَّبِيُّونَ مِن رَّبِّهِمْ لَا نُفَرِّقُ بَيْنَ أَحَدٍۢ مِّنْهُمْ وَنَحْنُ لَهُۥ مُسْلِمُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/2/136 Quran 2:136] ** Translation: *** Say, ˹O believers,˺ "We believe in Allah and what has been revealed to us; and what was revealed to Abraham, Ishmael, Isaac, Jacob, and his descendants; and what was given to Moses, [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], and other prophets from their Lord. We make no distinction between any of them. And to Allah we all submit." **** [https://quran.com/2/136?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|تِلْكَ ٱلرُّسُلُ فَضَّلْنَا بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَىٰ بَعْضٍۢ ۘ مِّنْهُم مَّن كَلَّمَ ٱللَّهُ ۖ وَرَفَعَ بَعْضَهُمْ دَرَجَـٰتٍۢ ۚ وَءَاتَيْنَا [[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَى]] ٱبْنَ مَرْيَمَ ٱلْبَيِّنَـٰتِ وَأَيَّدْنَـٰهُ بِرُوحِ ٱلْقُدُسِ}} ** [https://quran.com/2/253 Quran 2:253] ** Translation: *** We have chosen some of those messengers above others. Allah spoke directly to some, and raised some high in rank. To [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], son of Mary, We gave clear proofs and supported him with the holy spirit. **** [https://quran.com/2/253?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|إِذْ قَالَتِ ٱلْمَلَـٰٓئِكَةُ يَـٰمَرْيَمُ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يُبَشِّرُكِ بِكَلِمَةٍۢ مِّنْهُ ٱسْمُهُ ٱلْمَسِيحُ [[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَى]] ٱبْنُ مَرْيَمَ وَجِيهًۭا فِى ٱلدُّنْيَا وَٱلْـَٔاخِرَةِ وَمِنَ ٱلْمُقَرَّبِينَ وَيُكَلِّمُ ٱلنَّاسَ فِى ٱلْمَهْدِ وَكَهْلًۭا وَمِنَ ٱلصَّـٰلِحِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/3/45-46 Quran 3:45–46] ** Translation: *** ˹Remember˺ when the angels proclaimed, "O Mary! Allah gives you good news of a Word from Him, his name will be the Messiah, [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], son of Mary; honoured in this world and the Hereafter, and he will be one of those nearest ˹to Allah˺. And he will speak to people in ˹his˺ infancy and adulthood and will be one of the righteous." **** [https://quran.com/3/45-46?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] *** And he will speak to the people when in the cradle and when of old age, and (he will be) one of the good ones.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|إِذْ قَالَ ٱللَّهُ يَـٰ[[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَىٰٓ]] إِنِّى مُتَوَفِّيكَ وَرَافِعُكَ إِلَىَّ وَمُطَهِّرُكَ مِنَ ٱلَّذِينَ كَفَرُوا۟ وَجَاعِلُ ٱلَّذِينَ ٱتَّبَعُوكَ فَوْقَ ٱلَّذِينَ كَفَرُوٓا۟ إِلَىٰ يَوْمِ ٱلْقِيَـٰمَةِ ۖ ثُمَّ إِلَىَّ مَرْجِعُكُمْ فَأَحْكُمُ بَيْنَكُمْ فِيمَا كُنتُمْ فِيهِ تَخْتَلِفُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/3/55 Quran 3:55] ([[w:Al Imran|The Family of Amram]], {{arabic|سورة آل عمران}}) ** Translations: *** ˹Remember˺ when Allah said, "O [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]]! I will take you and raise you up to Myself. I will deliver you from those who disbelieve, and elevate your followers above the disbelievers until the Day of Judgment. Then to Me you will ˹all˺ return, and I will settle all your disputes." **** [https://quran.com/3/55?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] *** And when Allah said: O Isa, [Jesus] I am going to terminate the period of your stay (on earth) and cause you to ascend unto Me and purify you of those who disbelieve and make those who follow you above those who disbelieve to the day of resurrection; then to Me shall be your return, so l will decide between you concerning that in which you differed.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|قُلْ ءَامَنَّا بِٱللَّهِ وَمَآ أُنزِلَ عَلَيْنَا وَمَآ أُنزِلَ عَلَىٰٓ إِبْرَٰهِيمَ وَإِسْمَـٰعِيلَ وَإِسْحَـٰقَ وَيَعْقُوبَ وَٱلْأَسْبَاطِ وَمَآ أُوتِىَ مُوسَىٰ وَ[[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَىٰ]] وَٱلنَّبِيُّونَ مِن رَّبِّهِمْ لَا نُفَرِّقُ بَيْنَ أَحَدٍۢ مِّنْهُمْ وَنَحْنُ لَهُۥ مُسْلِمُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/3/84 Quran 3:84] ** Translation: *** Say, ˹O Prophet,˺ "We believe in Allah and what has been revealed to us and what was revealed to Abraham, Ishmael, Isaac, Jacob, and his descendants; and what was given to Moses, [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], and other prophets from their Lord—we make no distinction between any of them, and to Him we ˹fully˺ submit." **** [https://quran.com/3/84?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|وَإِن مِّنْ أَهْلِ ٱلْكِتَـٰبِ إِلَّا لَيُؤْمِنَنَّ بِهِۦ قَبْلَ مَوْتِهِۦ ۖ وَيَوْمَ ٱلْقِيَـٰمَةِ [[w:Jesus in Islam|يَكُونُ]] عَلَيْهِمْ شَهِيدًۭا}} ** [https://quran.com/4/159 Quran 4:159] ** Translation: *** And on the Day of Judgment [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]] will be a witness against them. **** [https://quran.com/4/159?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|إِنَّآ أَوْحَيْنَآ إِلَيْكَ كَمَآ أَوْحَيْنَآ إِلَىٰ نُوحٍۢ وَٱلنَّبِيِّـۧنَ مِنۢ بَعْدِهِۦ ۚ وَأَوْحَيْنَآ إِلَىٰٓ إِبْرَٰهِيمَ وَإِسْمَـٰعِيلَ وَإِسْحَـٰقَ وَيَعْقُوبَ وَٱلْأَسْبَاطِ وَ[[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَىٰ]] وَأَيُّوبَ وَيُونُسَ وَهَـٰرُونَ وَسُلَيْمَـٰنَ}} ** [https://quran.com/4/163 Quran 4:163] ** Translation: *** Indeed, We have sent revelation to you ˹O Prophet˺ as We sent revelation to Noah and the prophets after him. We also sent revelation to Abraham, Ishmael, Isaac, Jacob, and his descendants, ˹as well as˺ [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], Job, Jonah, Aaron, and Solomon. **** [https://quran.com/4/163?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|وَقَفَّيْنَا عَلَىٰٓ ءَاثَـٰرِهِم بِ[[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَى]] ٱبْنِ مَرْيَمَ مُصَدِّقًۭا لِّمَا بَيْنَ يَدَيْهِ مِنَ ٱلتَّوْرَىٰةِ ۖ وَءَاتَيْنَـٰهُ ٱلْإِنجِيلَ فِيهِ هُدًۭى وَنُورٌۭ وَمُصَدِّقًۭا لِّمَا بَيْنَ يَدَيْهِ مِنَ ٱلتَّوْرَىٰةِ وَهُدًۭى وَمَوْعِظَةًۭ لِّلْمُتَّقِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/5/46 Quran 5:46] ** Translation: *** Then in the footsteps of the prophets, We sent [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], son of Mary, confirming the Torah revealed before him. And We gave him the Gospel containing guidance and light and confirming what was revealed in the Torah—a guide and a lesson to the God-fearing. **** [https://quran.com/5/46?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] *** And in the footsteps of the prophets caused we Jesus, the son of Mary, to follow, confirming the law which was before him; and we gave him the Evangel with its guidance and light, confirmatory of the preceding Law: a guidance and warning to those who fear God. **** ''Dictionary of Islam'' by T. P. Hughes * {{arabic|weight=bold|لَقَدْ كَفَرَ الَّذِينَ قَالُواْ إِنَّ اللّهَ هُوَالْمَسِيحُ ابْنُ مَرْيَمَ وَقَالَ الْمَسِيحُ يَا بَنِي إِسْرَائِيلَ اعْبُدُواْاللّهَ رَبِّي وَرَبَّكُمْ إِنَّهُ مَن يُشْرِكْ بِاللّهِ فَقَدْ حَرَّمَ اللّهُعَلَيهِالْجَنَّةَ وَمَأْوَاهُ النَّارُ وَمَا لِلظَّالِمِينَ مِنْ أَنصَارٍ <br /> لَّقَدْ كَفَرَ الَّذِينَ قَالُواْ إِنَّ اللّهَ ثَالِثُ ثَلاَثَةٍ وَمَا مِنْإِلَـهٍ إِلاَّ إِلَـهٌ وَاحِدٌ وَإِن لَّمْ يَنتَهُواْ عَمَّا يَقُولُونَ لَيَمَسَّنَّالَّذِينَ كَفَرُواْ مِنْهُمْ عَذَابٌ أَلِي}} ** [https://quran.com/5/72-73 Quran 5:72–73] ([[w:Al-Ma'ida|The Dinner Table]], {{arabic|سورة المائدة}}) ** Translation: *** Certainly they disbelieve who say: Surely Allah, He is the Messiah, son of Marium; and the Messiah said: O Children of Israel! serve Allah, my Lord and your Lord. Surely whoever associates (others) with Allah, then Allah has forbidden to him the garden, and his abode is the fire; and there shall be no helpers for the unjust. Certainly they disbelieve who say: Surely Allah is the third (person) of the three; and there is no god but the one God, and if they desist not from what they say, a painful chastisement shall befall those among them who disbelieve.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|وَإِذْ قَالَ اللّهُ يَا عِيسَى ابْنَ مَرْيَمَ أَأَنتَ قُلتَ لِلنَّاسِ اتَّخِذُونِيوَأُمِّيَ إِلَـهَيْنِ مِن دُونِ اللّهِ قَالَ سُبْحَانَكَ مَا يَكُونُ لِي أَنْأَقُولَ مَا لَيْسَ لِي بِحَقٍّ إِن كُنتُ قُلْتُهُ فَقَدْ عَلِمْتَهُ تَعْلَمُمَا فِينَفْسِي وَلاَ أَعْلَمُ مَا فِي نَفْسِكَ إِنَّكَ أَنتَ عَلاَّمُ الْغُيُوب}} ** [https://quran.com/5/116 Quran 5:116] ([[w:Al-Ma'ida|The Dinner Table]], {{arabic|سورة المائدة}}) ** Translation: *** And when Allah will say: O Isa son of Marium! [Jesus son of Mary] did you say to men, Take me and my mother for two gods besides Allah he will say: Glory be to Thee, it did not befit me that I should say what I had no right to (say); if I had said it, Thou wouldst indeed have known it; Thou knowest what is in my mind, and I do not know what is in Thy mind, surely Thou art the great Knower of the unseen things.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|فَأَتَتْ بِهِ قَوْمَهَا تَحْمِلُهُ قَالُوا يَا مَرْيَمُ لَقَدْ جِئْتِ شَيْئاًفَرِيّاً يَا أُخْتَ هَارُونَ مَا كَانَ أَبُوكِ امْرَأَ سَوْءٍ وَمَا كَانَتْأُمُّكِ بَغِيّاً فَأَشَارَتْ إِلَيْهِ قَالُوا كَيْفَ نُكَلِّمُ مَن كَانَفِيالْمَهْدِ صَبِيّاً قَالَ إِنِّي عَبْدُ اللَّهِ آتَانِيَ الْكِتَابَ وَجَعَلَنِينَبِيّاً وَجَعَلَنِي مُبَارَكاً أَيْنَ مَا كُنتُ وَأَوْصَانِي بِالصَّلَاةِوَالزَّكَاةِ مَا دُمْتُ حَيّاً وَبَرّاً بِوَالِدَتِي وَلَمْ يَجْعَلْنِيجَبَّاراً شَقِيّاً وَالسَّلَامُ عَلَيَّ يَوْمَ وُلِدتُّ وَيَوْمَ أَمُوتُوَيَوْمَ أُبْعَثُ حَيّاً ذَلِكَ عِيسَى ابْنُ مَرْيَمَ قَوْلَ الْحَقِّالَّذِي فِيهِ يَمْتَرُونَ مَا كَانَ لِلَّهِ أَن يَتَّخِذَ مِن وَلَدٍ سُبْحَانَهُإِذَا قَضَى أَمْراً فَإِنَّمَا يَقُولُ لَهُ كُن فَيَكُونُ وَإِنَّ اللَّهَرَبِّي وَرَبُّكُمْفَاعْبُدُوهُ هَذَا صِرَاطٌ مُّسْتَقِيمٌ فَاخْتَلَفَ الْأَحْزَابُ مِنبَيْنِهِمْ فَوَيْلٌ لِّلَّذِينَ كَفَرُوا مِن مَّشْهَدِ يَوْمٍ عَظِيمٍ أَسْمِعْ بِهِمْوَأَبْصِرْ يَوْمَ يَأْتُونَنَا لَكِنِ الظَّالِمُونَ الْيَوْمَ فِي ضَلَالٍ مُّبِينٍ وَأَنذِرْهُمْ يَوْمَ الْحَسْرَةِ إِذْ قُضِيَ الْأَمْرُ وَهُمْ فِي غَفْلَةٍوَهُمْ لَا يُؤْمِنُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/19/27-39 Quran 19:27–39] ([[w:Maryam|Maryam]], {{arabic|سورة مريم}}) ** Translation: *** Then she brought him to her own folk, carrying him. They said: O Mary! Thou hast come with an amazing thing. O sister of Aaron! Thy father was not a wicked man nor was thy mother a harlot. Then she pointed to him. They said: How can we talk to one who is in the cradle, a young boy? He spake: Lo! I am the slave of Allah. He hath given me the Scripture and hath appointed me a Prophet, And hath made me blessed wheresoever I may be, and hath enjoined upon me prayer and almsgiving so long as I remain alive, And (hath made me) dutiful toward her who bore me, and hath not made me arrogant, unblest. Peace on me the day I was born, and the day I die, and the day I shall be raised alive! Such was Jesus, son of Mary: (this is) a statement of the truth concerning which they doubt. It befitteth not (the Majesty of) Allah that He should take unto Himself a son. Glory be to Him! When He decreeth a thing, He saith unto it only: Be! and it is. And lo! Allah is my Lord and your Lord. So serve Him. That is the right path. The sects among them differ: but woe unto the disbelievers from the meeting of an awful Day. See and hear them on the Day they come unto Us! yet the evil-doers are today in error manifest. And warn them of the Day of anguish when the case hath been decided. Now they are in a state of carelessness, and they believe not.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|وَإِذْ أَخَذْنَا مِنَ ٱلنَّبِيِّـۧنَ مِيثَـٰقَهُمْ وَمِنكَ وَمِن نُّوحٍۢ وَإِبْرَٰهِيمَ وَمُوسَىٰ وَ[[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَى]] ٱبْنِ مَرْيَمَ ۖ وَأَخَذْنَا مِنْهُم مِّيثَـٰقًا غَلِيظًۭا لِّيَسْـَٔلَ ٱلصَّـٰدِقِينَ عَن صِدْقِهِمْ}} ** [https://quran.com/33/7-8 Quran 33:7–8] ** Translation: *** And ˹remember˺ when We took a covenant from the prophets, as well as from you ˹O Prophet˺, and from Noah, Abraham, Moses, and [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], son of Mary. We did take a solemn covenant from ˹all of˺ them so that He may question these men of truth about their ˹delivery of the˺ truth. **** [https://quran.com/33/7-8?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|شَرَعَ لَكُم مِّنَ ٱلدِّينِ مَا وَصَّىٰ بِهِۦ نُوحًۭا وَٱلَّذِىٓ أَوْحَيْنَآ إِلَيْكَ وَمَا وَصَّيْنَا بِهِۦٓ إِبْرَٰهِيمَ وَمُوسَىٰ وَ[[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَىٰٓ]] ۖ أَنْ أَقِيمُوا۟ ٱلدِّينَ وَلَا تَتَفَرَّقُوا۟ فِيهِ}} ** [https://quran.com/42/13 Quran 42:13] ** Translation: *** He has ordained for you ˹believers˺ the Way which He decreed for Noah, and what We have revealed to you ˹O Prophet˺ and what We decreed for Abraham, Moses, and [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], ˹commanding:˺ "Uphold the faith, and make no divisions in it." **** [https://quran.com/42/13?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|وَلَمَّا جَآءَ [[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَىٰ]] بِٱلْبَيِّنَـٰتِ قَالَ قَدْ جِئْتُكُم بِٱلْحِكْمَةِ وَلِأُبَيِّنَ لَكُم بَعْضَ ٱلَّذِى تَخْتَلِفُونَ فِيهِ ۖ فَٱتَّقُوا۟ ٱللَّهَ وَأَطِيعُونِ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ هُوَ رَبِّى وَرَبُّكُمْ فَٱعْبُدُوهُ ۚ هَـٰذَا صِرَٰطٌۭ مُّسْتَقِيمٌۭ}} ** [https://quran.com/43/63-64 Quran 43:63–64] ** Translation: *** When [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]] came with clear proofs, he declared, "I have come to you with wisdom, and to clarify to you some of what you differ about. So fear Allah, and obey me. Surely Allah ˹alone˺ is my Lord and your Lord, so worship Him ˹alone˺. This is the Straight Path." **** [https://quran.com/43/63-64?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|ثُمَّ قَفَّيْنَا عَلَىٰٓ ءَاثَـٰرِهِم بِرُسُلِنَا وَقَفَّيْنَا بِ[[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَى]] ٱبْنِ مَرْيَمَ وَءَاتَيْنَـٰهُ ٱلْإِنجِيلَ وَجَعَلْنَا فِى قُلُوبِ ٱلَّذِينَ ٱتَّبَعُوهُ رَأْفَةًۭ وَرَحْمَةًۭ}} ** [https://quran.com/57/27 Quran 57:27] ** Translation: *** Then in the footsteps of these ˹prophets˺, We sent Our messengers, and ˹after them˺ We sent [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], son of Mary, and granted him the Gospel, and instilled compassion and mercy into the hearts of his followers. **** [https://quran.com/57/27?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|وَإِذْ قَالَ عِيسَى ابْنُ مَرْيَمَ يَا بَنِي إِسْرَائِيلَ إِنِّي رَسُولُ اللَّهِإِلَيْكُم مُّصَدِّقاًلِّمَا بَيْنَ يَدَيَّ مِنَ التَّوْرَاةِ وَمُبَشِّراً بِرَسُولٍ يَأْتِي مِنبَعْدِي اسْمُهُ أَحْمَدُ فَلَمَّاجَاءهُم بِالْبَيِّنَاتِ قَالُوا هَذَا سِحْرٌ مُّبِينٌ}} ** [https://quran.com/61/6 Quran 61:6] ([[w:As-Saff|The Ranks]], {{arabic|سورة الصف}}) ** Translation: *** And when Isa son of Marium [Jesus son of Mary] said: O children of Israel! surely I am the apostle of Allah to you, verifying that which is before me of the Taurat and giving the good news of an Apostle who will come after me, his name being [[w:Ahmad (name)|Ahmad]] [Muhammad], but when he came to them with clear arguments they said: This is clear magic.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ كُونُوٓا۟ أَنصَارَ ٱللَّهِ كَمَا قَالَ [[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَى]] ٱبْنُ مَرْيَمَ لِلْحَوَارِيِّـۧنَ مَنْ أَنصَارِىٓ إِلَى ٱللَّهِ ۖ قَالَ ٱلْحَوَارِيُّونَ نَحْنُ أَنصَارُ ٱللَّهِ ۖ فَـَٔامَنَت طَّآئِفَةٌۭ مِّنۢ بَنِىٓ إِسْرَٰٓءِيلَ وَكَفَرَت طَّآئِفَةٌۭ ۖ فَأَيَّدْنَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ عَلَىٰ عَدُوِّهِمْ فَأَصْبَحُوا۟ ظَـٰهِرِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/61/14 Quran 61:14] ** Translation: *** O believers! Stand up for Allah, as [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], son of Mary, asked the disciples, "Who will stand up with me for Allah?" The disciples replied, "We will stand up for Allah." Then a group from the Children of Israel believed while another disbelieved. We then supported the believers against their enemies, so they prevailed. **** [https://quran.com/61/14?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|بِسْمِ اللهِ ٱلرَّحْمَـٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيمِ قُلْ هُوَ اللَّهُ أَحَدٌ اللَّهُ الصَّمَدُ لَمْ يَلِدْوَلَمْ يُولَدْ وَلَمْ يَكُن لَّهُ كُفُواً أَحَدٌ}} ** [https://quran.com/112/1-4 Quran 112:1–4] ([[w:Al-Ikhlas|The Unity]], {{arabic|سورة الإخلاص}}) ** Translation: *** Say: He, Allah, is One. Allah is He on Whom all depend. He begets not, nor is He begotten. And none is like Him. ** Comments: *** This statement was declared as a rebuke to Christian doctrines of Jesus as the incarnation of God, and that God could beget a son that was his equal. * Surah ii. 254: "Some of the apostles we have endowed more highly than others: Those to whom God hath spoken. He hath raised to the loftiest grade, and to Jesus, son of Mary we gave manifest signs, and we strengthened him with the Holy Spirit. And if God had pleased, they who came after them would not have wrangled, after the clear signs had reached them. But into disputes they fell; some of them believed, and some were infidels; yet if God had pleased, they would not have thus wrangled; but God doth what he will." ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah iii. 37-42: "And remember when the angels said, 'O Mary! Verily hath God chosen thee, and purified thee, and chosen thee above the women of the worlds! O Mary! Be devout towards thy Lord, and prostrate thyself and bow down with those who bow.' This is one of the announcements of things unseen by thee: To thee, O Muhammad! do we reveal it; for thou wast not with them when they cast lots with reeds which of them should rear Mary: nor wast thou with them when they disputed about it. Remember when the angel said, "O mary! Verily God annnounceth to thee the Word from Him: His name shall be Messiah Jesus the son of Mary, illustrious in this world, and in the next, and one of those who have near access to God; and he shall speak to mean alike when in the cradle and when grown up; and he shall be one of the just.' She said, 'How, O my Lord? Shall I have a son, when man hath not touched me?' He said, 'Thus: God will create what He will; when He decreeth a thing He only saith, "Be," and it is.' And He will teach him the Book, and the Wisdom, and the Law, and the Evangel; and he shall be an apostle to the children of Israel." ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah iii. 44: "And I have come to attest the law which was before me; and to allow you part of that which had been forbidden you; and I come to you with a sign from your Lord; Fear God, then, and obey me; of a truth God is my Lord, and your Lord: Therefore worship Him. This is a right way." ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * She said: My Lord! How can I have a child when no mortal hath touched me? He said: So (it will be). Allah createth what He will. If He decreeth a thing, He saith unto it only: Be! and it is. <br /> And He will teach him the Scripture and wisdom, and the Torah and the Gospel, <br /> And will make him a messenger unto the Children of Israel, (saying): Lo! I come unto you with a sign from your Lord. Lo! I fashion for you out of clay the likeness of a bird, and I breathe into it and it is a bird, by Allah's leave. I heal him who was born blind, and the leper, and I raise the dead, by Allah's leave. And I announce unto you what ye eat and what ye store up in your houses. Lo! herein verily is a portent for you, if ye are to be believers. <br /> And (I come) confirming that which was before me of the Torah, and to make lawful some of that which was forbidden unto you. I come unto you with a sign from your Lord, so keep your duty to Allah and obey me. ** The [[Quran]] [https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/quran/3/index.htm Sura 3:47-50] as translated by [[w:Marmaduke Pickthall|Marmaduke Pickthall]] in ''[[w:The Meaning of the Glorious Koran|The Meaning of the Glorious Koran]]'' (1930) * Surah iii. 51, 52: "These signs, and this wise warning do we rehearse to thee. Verily, Jesus is as Adam in the sight of God. He created Him of dust: He then said to him, 'Be,' – and he was." ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah iii. 72, 73: "And some truly are there among them who torture the Scriptures with they tongues, in order that ye may suppose it to be from the Scripture, yet it is not from the Scripture. And they say, 'This is from God'; yet it is not from God; and they utter s lie against God, and they know they do so. It beseemeth not a man, that God should give his the Scriptures and the Wisdom, and the gift of prophecy, and that then he should say to his followers, 'Be ye worshipers of me, as well as of God'; but rather, 'Be ye perfect in things pertaining to God, since ye know the Scriptures, and have studied deep.'" ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah v. 76-69: "They misbelieve who say, 'Verily, God is the Messiah, the son of Mary'; but the Messiah said, 'O children of Israel! Worship God, my Lord and your Lord; verily, he who associates aught with God, God hath forbidden him Paradise, and his resort is the Fire, and the unjust shall have none to help them. They misbelieve who say, 'Verily God is the third of three, for there is no God but one; and if they do not desist from what they say, there shall touch those who misbelieve amongst them grievous woe. Will they not turn again towards God and ask pardon of Him? For God is forgiving and merciful.' The Messiah, the son of Mary, is only a prophet! Prophets before him have passed away; and his mother was a confessor; they used both to eat food. See how we explain to them the signs, yet see how they turn aside!" ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah lvii. 26, 27: "And of old sent we Noah and Abraham, and on their seed conferred the gift of prophecy, and the Book; and some of them we guided aright; but many were evil doers. Then we caused our apostles to follow in their footsteps; and we caused Jesus the son of Mary to follow them; and we gave him the Evangel and we put into the hearts of those who followed him kindness and compassion; but as to the monastic life, they invented it themselves. The desire only of pleasing God did we prescribe to them, and this they observed not as it ought to have been observed; but to such of them as believed gave we their reward, though many of them were perverse." ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah xix. 16-21: "And make mention in the Book, of Mary, when she went apart from her family, eastward, and took a veil to shroud herself from them: and We sent Our spirit to her, and he took before her the form of a perfect man. She said: 'I fly for refuge from thee to the God of Mercy! If thou fearest Him, begone from me.' He said: 'I am only a messenger of they Lord, that I may bestow on thee a holy son.' She said: 'How shall I have a son, when man hath never touched me? And I am not unchaste.' He said: 'So shall it be. Thy Lord hath said: "Easy is this with me; and we will make him a sign to mankind and a mercy from us. For it is a thing decreed."'" ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah lxi. 6: "And remember when Jesus the son of Mary said, 'O children of Israel! Of a truth I am God's apostle to you to confirm the law which was given before me, and to announce an apostle that shall come after me whose name shall be Ahmad! But when he (Ahmad) presented himself with clear proofs of his mission, they said, 'This is manifest sorcery!" ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah xxiii. 52: "And we appointed the Son and his Mother for a sign; and we prepared an abode in a lofty spot, quiet and watered with springs." ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah v. 112-115: "Remember when the Apostles said: 'O Jesus, Son of Mary! Is thy Lord able to send down a furnished table to us out of Heaven?' He said: 'Fear God if ye be believers.' They said: 'We desire to eat therefrom, and to have our hearts assured; and to know that thou hast indeed spoken truth to us, and to be witnesses thereof.' Jesus, Son of Mary, said: 'O God our Lord! Send down a table to us out of Heaven, that it may become a recurring festival to us, to the first of us and to the last of us, and a sign from thee; and do thou nourish us, for thou art the best of nourishers.' And God said: 'Verily, I will cause it to descend unto you; but whoever among you after that shall disbelieve, I will surely chastise him with a chastisement wherewith I will not chastise any other creature. ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah v. 19: "Infidels now are they who say, 'Verily God is Messiah Ibn Maryam (son of Mary)! SAY: And who could aught obtain from God, if he chose to destroy the Messiah Ibn Maryam, and his mother, and all who are on the earth together?'" ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah vi. 85: "And Zachariah, John, Jesus, and Elias: all were just persons." ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah ix. 30: "The Jews say Ezra is the Son of God; and the Christians say that the Messiah is the Son of God; that is what they say with their mouths imitating the sayings of those who misbelieve before - God fight them! - How they lie!" ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Then she conceived him; and withdrew with him to a remote place. ‏And the throes of childbirth drove her to the trunk of a palm-tree. She said: Oh, would that I had died before this, and had been a thing quite forgotten! ‏So a voice came to her from beneath her: Grieve not, surely thy Lord has provided a stream beneath thee. ‏ And shake towards thee the trunk of the palm-tree, it will drop on thee fresh ripe dates. ‏So eat and drink and cool the eye. Then if thou seest any mortal, say: Surely I have vowed a fast to the Beneficent, so I will not speak to any man to-day. ** Qur'an 19:22-26 * But she pointed to him. They said: How should we speak to one who is a child in the cradle? He said: I am indeed a servant of Allah. He has given me the Book and made me a prophet. And He has made me blessed wherever I may be, and He has enjoined on me prayer and poor-rate so long as I live: ** Qur'an 19:29-31 * Surah xliii. 57-65: "And when the Son of Mary was set forth as an instance of divine power, lo! Thy people cried out for joy thereat: And they said, "Are our god or is he the better?' They put this forth to thee only in the spirit of dispute. Yea. They are a contentious people. Jesus is no more than a servant whom we favored, and proposed as an instance of divine power to the children of Israel; and if we pleased, we could from yourselves bring forth Angels to succeed you on earth; and he shall be a sign of the last hour; doubt not then of it, and follow ye me: this is the right way; and let not Satan turn you aside from it, for he is your manifest foe. And when Jesus came with manifest proofs, he said, 'Now am I come to you with wisdom; and a part of those things about which ye are at variance I will clear up to you; fear ye God, therefore, and obey me. Verily, God is my Lord and your Lord; wherefore, worship ye him: this is a right way.' But the different parties fell into disputes among themselves; but woe to those who thus transgressed, because of the punishment of an afflictive day!" ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah xix. 35, 36: "That is Jesus, the son of Mary, the word of truth (Qaulu 'l-Haqq), whereon ye do dispute! God could not take to Himself a son! Celebrated be His praise! When He decrees a matter He only say to it 'BE,' and it is; and verily God is my Lord and your Lord, so worship Him: this is the right way. But the sects have differed among themselves." ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. === Hadith === : <small>[[Wikisource:Hadith|Hadith]] in Wikisource</small> * The Prophet said, "On the night of my Ascent to the Heaven, I saw Moses who was a tall brown curly-haired man as if he was one of the men of Shan'awa tribe, and I saw Jesus, a man of medium height and moderate complexion inclined to the red and white colors and of lank hair. I also saw Malik, the gate-keeper of the (Hell) Fire and [[w:Dajjal|Ad-Dajjal]] [the [[w:Antichrist|Antichrist]]] amongst the signs which Allah showed me." ** [[w:Hadith|Hadith]], translation of [[Sahih Bukhari|Sahih Bukhari]], [https://www.usc.edu/dept/MSA/fundamentals/hadithsunnah/bukhari/054.sbt.html#004.054.462 Volume 4, Book 54, Number 462] * Allah's Apostle said, "How will you be when the son of Mary ([[w:Jesus Christ|Jesus]]) descends amongst you and he will judge people by the Law of the Qur'an and not by the law of Gospel?" ** [[w:Hadith|Hadith]], translation of [[w:Sahih Bukhari|Sahih Bukhari]], [https://www.usc.edu/dept/MSA/fundamentals/hadithsunnah/bukhari/055.sbt.html#004.055.554 Volume 4, Book 55, Number 65] * The Prophet said, "On the Day of Resurrection the Believers will assemble and say, 'Let us ask somebody to intercede for us with our Lord.' ... 'Go to Jesus, Allah's Slave, His Apostle and Allah's Word and a Spirit coming from Him.' Jesus will say, 'I am not fit for this undertaking, go to Muhammad the Slave of Allah whose past and future sins were forgiven by Allah.' So they will come to me and I will proceed till I will ask my Lord's Permission and I will be given permission. ** [[w:Hadith|Hadith]], translation of [[w:Sahih Bukhari|Sahih Bukhari]], [https://www.usc.edu/dept/MSA/fundamentals/hadithsunnah/bukhari/060.sbt.html#006.060.149 Volume 6, Book 50, Number 3] * By Him in Whose hand is my life, the son of Mary will soon descend among you as a just judge. He will break crosses, kill swine and abolish Jizya and the wealth will pour forth to such an extent that no one will accept it. ** [[Hadith]], translation of [[w:Sahih Bukhari|Sahih Bukhari]], [https://sunnah.com/muslim/1/296 Book 1, Hadith 296] === The Dome of the Rock === : ''This section cites inscriptions from the Dome of the Rock ({{arabic|مسجد قبة الصخرة}}).'' [[File:Dehio 10 Dome of the Rock Floor plan.jpg|thumb|Oh God, bless Your Messenger and Your servant Jesus son of Mary. Peace be on him the day he was born, and the day he dies, and the day he shall be raised alive! <!-- Floor plan for the octagonal arcade of [[w:The Dome of the Rock|The Dome of the Rock]] ({{arabic|مسجد قبة الصخرة}}) in Jerusalem (built 692 CE), which contains numerous inscriptions that refer to Jesus -->]] * "O People of the Book! Do not exaggerate in your religion nor utter aught concerning God save the truth. The Messiah, Jesus son of Mary, was only a Messenger of God, and His Word which He conveyed unto Mary, and a spirit from Him. So believe in God and His messengers, and say not 'Three' — Cease! (it is better for you! — God is only One God. Far be it removed from His transcendent majesty that He should have a son. His is all that is in the heavens and all that is in the earth. And God is sufficient as Defender." (Quran 4:171) ** [[w:Islam|Islamic]] inscription in the east-northeast inner octagonal arcade of the [[w:Dome of the Rock|Dome of the Rock]], Jerusalem (692 CE), [link to [https://www.islamic-awareness.org/History/Islam/Inscriptions/DoTR.html full text and translation]] * Oh God, bless Your Messenger and Your servant Jesus son of Mary. Peace be on him the day he was born, and the day he dies, and the day he shall be raised alive! Such was Jesus, son of Mary, (this is) a statement of the truth concerning which they doubt. ** [[w:Islam|Islamic]] inscription in the north-northwest inner octagonal arcade of the [[w:Dome of the Rock|Dome of the Rock]], Jerusalem (692 CE), [link to [https://www.islamic-awareness.org/History/Islam/Inscriptions/DoTR.html full text and translation]] * It befitteth not (the Majesty of) God that He should take unto Himself a son. Glory be to Him! When He decreeth a thing, He saith unto it only: Be! and it is. Lo! God is my Lord and your Lord. So serve Him. That is the right path. God (Himself) is witness that there is no God save Him. ** [[w:Islam|Islamic]] inscription in the northwest-west inner octagonal arcade of the [[w:Dome of the Rock|Dome of the Rock]], Jerusalem (692 CE), [link to [https://www.islamic-awareness.org/History/Islam/Inscriptions/DoTR.html full text and translation]] * There is no god but God. He is One. Praise be to God, Who hath not taken unto Himself a son, and Who hath no partner in the Sovereignty, nor hath He any protecting friend through dependence. ** [[w:Islam|Islamic]] inscription in the west-northwest inner octagonal arcade of the [[w:Dome of the Rock|Dome of the Rock]], Jerusalem (692 CE), [link to [https://www.islamic-awareness.org/History/Islam/Inscriptions/DoTR.html full text and translation]] === Commentary === * According to most classical Muslim commentators the Quran teaches that Jesus did not die. On the day of the crucifixion [[w:Islamic views on Jesus's death#Substitution interpretation|another person]] – whether his disciple or his betrayer – was miraculously transformed and assumed the appearance of Jesus. He was taken away, crucified, and killed, while Jesus was assumed body and soul into heaven. Most critical scholars accept that this is indeed the Quran's teaching, even if the Quran states explicitly only that the Jews did not kill Jesus. ** Gabriel S. Reynolds: [https://doi.org/10.1017%2FS0041977X09000500 "The Muslim Jesus: Dead or Alive?"] ([https://www3.nd.edu/~reynolds/index_files/jesus%20dead%20or%20alive.pdf PDF]). ''Bulletin of the School of Oriental and African Studies'', University of London. Cambridge University Press, May 2009. == See also == * [[Jesus#The Qur'an and the Hadith|Jesus § The Qur'an and the Hadith]] * [[Quran]] == External links == {{wikipedia|Jesus in the Quran}} * [https://quran.com/search?page=1&q=jesus&translations=131 Search for "Jesus" at Quran.com] * [https://search-the-quran.com/search/Jesus Search for "Jesus" at Search-the-Quran.com] [[Category:Quran]] [[Category:Islam]] [[Category:Jesus]] [[Category:Biblical people in Islam]] [[Category:Prophets of Islam]] erl3stig355igfam9af5kbx0eukovoe 3779101 3779100 2025-07-15T11:39:12Z SolarisQ 3137151 Right-aligned text 3779101 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Isa (Jesus)1 (cropped).png|thumb|right|Jesus's Arabic name [[w:Isa (name)|Isa]] ([[Wiktionary:عيسى|{{arabic|عِيسَى}}]]) in Islamic calligraphy.]] There are many passages about '''[[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus in Islam]]'''. The [[Quran]] uses the name [[w:Isa (name)|Isa]] ([[Wiktionary:عيسى|{{arabic|عِيسَى}}]]) for [[Jesus]] and places him amongst the greatest prophets. In Islam, Jesus is believed to be the Messiah and the penultimate prophet and messenger of God, succeeded by [[Muhammad]]. This page quotes from the most prominent passages about Jesus in the Quran. The translation used is [[w:The Clear Quran|''The Clear Quran'']] by Dr. Mustafa Khattab, and the links go to [https://quran.com/ Quran.com], which provides additional translations. == Quotes == === Quran === ==== Miracles ==== :''See also: [[w:Jesus in Islam#Miracles|Jesus in Islam § Miracles (Wikipedia)]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|إِذْ قَالَ ٱللَّهُ يَـٰ[[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَى]] ٱبْنَ مَرْيَمَ ٱذْكُرْ نِعْمَتِى عَلَيْكَ وَعَلَىٰ وَٰلِدَتِكَ إِذْ أَيَّدتُّكَ بِرُوحِ ٱلْقُدُسِ تُكَلِّمُ ٱلنَّاسَ فِى ٱلْمَهْدِ وَكَهْلًۭا ۖ وَإِذْ عَلَّمْتُكَ ٱلْكِتَـٰبَ وَٱلْحِكْمَةَ وَٱلتَّوْرَىٰةَ وَٱلْإِنجِيلَ ۖ وَإِذْ تَخْلُقُ مِنَ ٱلطِّينِ كَهَيْـَٔةِ ٱلطَّيْرِ بِإِذْنِى فَتَنفُخُ فِيهَا فَتَكُونُ طَيْرًۢا بِإِذْنِى ۖ وَتُبْرِئُ ٱلْأَكْمَهَ وَٱلْأَبْرَصَ بِإِذْنِى ۖ وَإِذْ تُخْرِجُ ٱلْمَوْتَىٰ بِإِذْنِى ۖ وَإِذْ كَفَفْتُ بَنِىٓ إِسْرَٰٓءِيلَ عَنكَ إِذْ جِئْتَهُم بِٱلْبَيِّنَـٰتِ فَقَالَ ٱلَّذِينَ كَفَرُوا۟ مِنْهُمْ إِنْ هَـٰذَآ إِلَّا سِحْرٌۭ مُّبِينٌۭ}} ** [https://quran.com/5/110 Quran 5:110] ** Translation: *** And ˹on Judgment Day˺ Allah will say, "O [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], son of Mary! Remember My favour upon you and your mother: how I supported you with the holy spirit so you spoke to people in ˹your˺ infancy and adulthood. How I taught you writing, wisdom, the Torah, and the Gospel. How you moulded a bird from clay—by My Will—and breathed into it and it became a ˹real˺ bird—by My Will. How you healed the blind and the lepers—by My Will. How you brought the dead to life—by My Will. How I prevented the Children of Israel from harming you when you came to them with clear proofs and the disbelievers among them said, 'This is nothing but pure magic.'" **** [https://quran.com/5/110?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] ==== Trinity ==== :''See also: [[w:Islamic view of the Trinity|Islamic view of the Trinity (Wikipedia)]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|يَـٰٓأَهْلَ ٱلْكِتَـٰبِ لَا تَغْلُوا۟ فِى دِينِكُمْ وَلَا تَقُولُوا۟ عَلَى ٱللَّهِ إِلَّا ٱلْحَقَّ ۚ إِنَّمَا ٱلْمَسِيحُ [[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَى]] ٱبْنُ مَرْيَمَ رَسُولُ ٱللَّهِ وَكَلِمَتُهُۥٓ أَلْقَىٰهَآ إِلَىٰ مَرْيَمَ وَرُوحٌۭ مِّنْهُ ۖ فَـَٔامِنُوا۟ بِٱللَّهِ وَرُسُلِهِۦ ۖ وَلَا تَقُولُوا۟ [[w:Islamic view of the Trinity|ثَلَـٰثَةٌ]] ۚ ٱنتَهُوا۟ خَيْرًۭا لَّكُمْ ۚ إِنَّمَا ٱللَّهُ إِلَـٰهٌۭ وَٰحِدٌۭ ۖ سُبْحَـٰنَهُۥٓ أَن يَكُونَ لَهُۥ وَلَدٌۭ ۘ لَّهُۥ مَا فِى ٱلسَّمَـٰوَٰتِ وَمَا فِى ٱلْأَرْضِ ۗ وَكَفَىٰ بِٱللَّهِ وَكِيلًۭا}} ** [https://quran.com/4/171 Quran 4:171] ([[w:An-Nisa|The Women]], {{arabic|سورة النساء}}) ** Translations: *** O People of the Book! Do not go to extremes regarding your faith; say nothing about Allah except the truth. The Messiah, [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], son of Mary, was no more than a messenger of Allah and the fulfilment of His Word through Mary and a spirit ˹created by a command˺ from Him. So believe in Allah and His messengers and do not say, "[[w:Islamic view of the Trinity|Trinity]]." Stop!—for your own good. Allah is only One God. Glory be to Him! He is far above having a son! To Him belongs whatever is in the heavens and whatever is on the earth. And Allah is sufficient as a Trustee of Affairs. **** [https://quran.com/4/171?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] *** O ye people of the Book! Overstep not bounds in your religion; and of God, speak only truth. The Messiah, Jesus, son of Mary, is only an apostle of God, and His Word which he conveyed into Mary, and a Spirit from Him. Believe, therefore, in God and His apostles, and say not, "Three": (i.e. there is a Trinity) – Forbear – it will be better for you. God is only one God! Far be it from His glory that He should have a son! His, whatever is in the Heavens, and whatever is in the Earth! And God is a sufficient Guardian. **** ''Dictionary of Islam'' by T. P. Hughes * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|لَّقَدْ كَفَرَ ٱلَّذِينَ قَالُوٓا۟ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ هُوَ ٱلْمَسِيحُ ٱبْنُ مَرْيَمَ ۚ قُلْ فَمَن يَمْلِكُ مِنَ ٱللَّهِ شَيْـًٔا إِنْ أَرَادَ أَن يُهْلِكَ ٱلْمَسِيحَ ٱبْنَ مَرْيَمَ وَأُمَّهُۥ وَمَن فِى ٱلْأَرْضِ جَمِيعًۭا ۗ وَلِلَّهِ مُلْكُ ٱلسَّمَـٰوَٰتِ وَٱلْأَرْضِ وَمَا بَيْنَهُمَا ۚ يَخْلُقُ مَا يَشَآءُ ۚ وَٱللَّهُ عَلَىٰ كُلِّ شَىْءٍۢ قَدِيرٌۭ}} ** [https://quran.com/5/17 Quran 5:17] ** Translation: *** Indeed, those who say, "Allah is the Messiah, son of Mary," have fallen into disbelief. Say, ˹O Prophet,˺ "Who has the power to prevent Allah if He chose to destroy the Messiah, son of Mary, his mother, and everyone in the world all together?" To Allah ˹alone˺ belongs the kingdom of the heavens and the earth and everything in between. He creates whatever He wills. And Allah is Most Capable of everything. **** [https://quran.com/5/17?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] *** In blasphemy indeed are those that say that God is Christ the son of Mary. Say: "Who then hath the least power against God, if He wished to destroy Christ the son of Mary, his mother, and all those on the earth? For to God belongeth the dominion of the heavens and the earth, and all that is between. He createth what He pleaseth. For God hath power over all things. **** [https://quran.com/5/17?translations=22 ''The Holy Qur'an: Text, Translation and Commentary''] by [[w:Abdullah Yusuf Ali|Abdullah Yusuf Ali]] ==== Jesus's death ==== :''See also: [[w:Islamic views on Jesus's death|Islamic views on Jesus's death (Wikipedia)]] :''See also: [[w:Jesus in Islam#Ascension|Jesus in Islam § Ascension (Wikipedia)]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|فَبِمَا نَقْضِهِم مِّيثَـٰقَهُمْ وَكُفْرِهِم بِـَٔايَـٰتِ ٱللَّهِ وَقَتْلِهِمُ ٱلْأَنۢبِيَآءَ بِغَيْرِ حَقٍّۢ وَقَوْلِهِمْ قُلُوبُنَا غُلْفٌۢ ۚ بَلْ طَبَعَ ٱللَّهُ عَلَيْهَا بِكُفْرِهِمْ فَلَا يُؤْمِنُونَ إِلَّا قَلِيلًۭا وَبِكُفْرِهِمْ وَقَوْلِهِمْ عَلَىٰ مَرْيَمَ بُهْتَـٰنًا عَظِيمًۭا وَقَوْلِهِمْ إِنَّا قَتَلْنَا ٱلْمَسِيحَ [[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَى]] ٱبْنَ مَرْيَمَ رَسُولَ ٱللَّهِ وَمَا قَتَلُوهُ وَمَا صَلَبُوهُ وَلَـٰكِن شُبِّهَ لَهُمْ ۚ وَإِنَّ ٱلَّذِينَ ٱخْتَلَفُوا۟ فِيهِ لَفِى شَكٍّۢ مِّنْهُ ۚ مَا لَهُم بِهِۦ مِنْ عِلْمٍ إِلَّا ٱتِّبَاعَ ٱلظَّنِّ ۚ وَمَا قَتَلُوهُ يَقِينًۢا بَل رَّفَعَهُ ٱللَّهُ إِلَيْهِ ۚ وَكَانَ ٱللَّهُ عَزِيزًا حَكِيمًۭا}} ** [https://quran.com/4/155-158 Quran 4:155–158] ([[w:An-Nisa|The Women]], {{arabic|سورة النساء}}) ** Translation: *** ˹[[w:People of the Book|They]] were condemned˺ for breaking their covenant, rejecting Allah's signs, killing the prophets unjustly, and for saying, "Our hearts are unreceptive!"—it is Allah Who has sealed their hearts for their disbelief, so they do not believe except for a few—and for their denial and outrageous accusation against Mary, and for boasting, "We killed the Messiah, [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], son of Mary, the messenger of Allah." But they neither killed nor crucified him—it was only made to appear so. Even those who argue for this ˹crucifixion˺ are in doubt. They have no knowledge whatsoever—only making assumptions. They certainly did not kill him. Rather, Allah raised him up to Himself. And Allah is Almighty, All-Wise. **** [https://quran.com/4/155-158?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] ==== Miscellaneous ==== * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|وَلَقَدْ ءَاتَيْنَا مُوسَى ٱلْكِتَـٰبَ وَقَفَّيْنَا مِنۢ بَعْدِهِۦ بِٱلرُّسُلِ ۖ وَءَاتَيْنَا [[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَى]] ٱبْنَ مَرْيَمَ ٱلْبَيِّنَـٰتِ وَأَيَّدْنَـٰهُ بِرُوحِ ٱلْقُدُسِ ۗ أَفَكُلَّمَا جَآءَكُمْ رَسُولٌۢ بِمَا لَا تَهْوَىٰٓ أَنفُسُكُمُ ٱسْتَكْبَرْتُمْ فَفَرِيقًۭا كَذَّبْتُمْ وَفَرِيقًۭا تَقْتُلُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/2/87 Quran 2:87] ** Translations: *** Indeed, We gave Moses the Book and sent after him successive messengers. And We gave [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], son of Mary, clear proofs and supported him with the holy spirit. **** [https://quran.com/2/87?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] *** Moreover, to Moses gave we "the Book", and we raised up apostles after him; and to Jesus, son of Mary, gave we clear proofs of his mission and strengthened him by the Holy Spirit. **** ''Dictionary of Islam'' by T. P. Hughes * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|قُولُوٓا۟ ءَامَنَّا بِٱللَّهِ وَمَآ أُنزِلَ إِلَيْنَا وَمَآ أُنزِلَ إِلَىٰٓ إِبْرَٰهِـۧمَ وَإِسْمَـٰعِيلَ وَإِسْحَـٰقَ وَيَعْقُوبَ وَٱلْأَسْبَاطِ وَمَآ أُوتِىَ مُوسَىٰ وَ[[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَىٰ]] وَمَآ أُوتِىَ ٱلنَّبِيُّونَ مِن رَّبِّهِمْ لَا نُفَرِّقُ بَيْنَ أَحَدٍۢ مِّنْهُمْ وَنَحْنُ لَهُۥ مُسْلِمُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/2/136 Quran 2:136] ** Translation: *** Say, ˹O believers,˺ "We believe in Allah and what has been revealed to us; and what was revealed to Abraham, Ishmael, Isaac, Jacob, and his descendants; and what was given to Moses, [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], and other prophets from their Lord. We make no distinction between any of them. And to Allah we all submit." **** [https://quran.com/2/136?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|تِلْكَ ٱلرُّسُلُ فَضَّلْنَا بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَىٰ بَعْضٍۢ ۘ مِّنْهُم مَّن كَلَّمَ ٱللَّهُ ۖ وَرَفَعَ بَعْضَهُمْ دَرَجَـٰتٍۢ ۚ وَءَاتَيْنَا [[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَى]] ٱبْنَ مَرْيَمَ ٱلْبَيِّنَـٰتِ وَأَيَّدْنَـٰهُ بِرُوحِ ٱلْقُدُسِ}} ** [https://quran.com/2/253 Quran 2:253] ** Translation: *** We have chosen some of those messengers above others. Allah spoke directly to some, and raised some high in rank. To [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], son of Mary, We gave clear proofs and supported him with the holy spirit. **** [https://quran.com/2/253?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|إِذْ قَالَتِ ٱلْمَلَـٰٓئِكَةُ يَـٰمَرْيَمُ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يُبَشِّرُكِ بِكَلِمَةٍۢ مِّنْهُ ٱسْمُهُ ٱلْمَسِيحُ [[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَى]] ٱبْنُ مَرْيَمَ وَجِيهًۭا فِى ٱلدُّنْيَا وَٱلْـَٔاخِرَةِ وَمِنَ ٱلْمُقَرَّبِينَ وَيُكَلِّمُ ٱلنَّاسَ فِى ٱلْمَهْدِ وَكَهْلًۭا وَمِنَ ٱلصَّـٰلِحِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/3/45-46 Quran 3:45–46] ** Translation: *** ˹Remember˺ when the angels proclaimed, "O Mary! Allah gives you good news of a Word from Him, his name will be the Messiah, [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], son of Mary; honoured in this world and the Hereafter, and he will be one of those nearest ˹to Allah˺. And he will speak to people in ˹his˺ infancy and adulthood and will be one of the righteous." **** [https://quran.com/3/45-46?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] *** And he will speak to the people when in the cradle and when of old age, and (he will be) one of the good ones.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|إِذْ قَالَ ٱللَّهُ يَـٰ[[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَىٰٓ]] إِنِّى مُتَوَفِّيكَ وَرَافِعُكَ إِلَىَّ وَمُطَهِّرُكَ مِنَ ٱلَّذِينَ كَفَرُوا۟ وَجَاعِلُ ٱلَّذِينَ ٱتَّبَعُوكَ فَوْقَ ٱلَّذِينَ كَفَرُوٓا۟ إِلَىٰ يَوْمِ ٱلْقِيَـٰمَةِ ۖ ثُمَّ إِلَىَّ مَرْجِعُكُمْ فَأَحْكُمُ بَيْنَكُمْ فِيمَا كُنتُمْ فِيهِ تَخْتَلِفُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/3/55 Quran 3:55] ([[w:Al Imran|The Family of Amram]], {{arabic|سورة آل عمران}}) ** Translations: *** ˹Remember˺ when Allah said, "O [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]]! I will take you and raise you up to Myself. I will deliver you from those who disbelieve, and elevate your followers above the disbelievers until the Day of Judgment. Then to Me you will ˹all˺ return, and I will settle all your disputes." **** [https://quran.com/3/55?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] *** And when Allah said: O Isa, [Jesus] I am going to terminate the period of your stay (on earth) and cause you to ascend unto Me and purify you of those who disbelieve and make those who follow you above those who disbelieve to the day of resurrection; then to Me shall be your return, so l will decide between you concerning that in which you differed.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|قُلْ ءَامَنَّا بِٱللَّهِ وَمَآ أُنزِلَ عَلَيْنَا وَمَآ أُنزِلَ عَلَىٰٓ إِبْرَٰهِيمَ وَإِسْمَـٰعِيلَ وَإِسْحَـٰقَ وَيَعْقُوبَ وَٱلْأَسْبَاطِ وَمَآ أُوتِىَ مُوسَىٰ وَ[[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَىٰ]] وَٱلنَّبِيُّونَ مِن رَّبِّهِمْ لَا نُفَرِّقُ بَيْنَ أَحَدٍۢ مِّنْهُمْ وَنَحْنُ لَهُۥ مُسْلِمُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/3/84 Quran 3:84] ** Translation: *** Say, ˹O Prophet,˺ "We believe in Allah and what has been revealed to us and what was revealed to Abraham, Ishmael, Isaac, Jacob, and his descendants; and what was given to Moses, [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], and other prophets from their Lord—we make no distinction between any of them, and to Him we ˹fully˺ submit." **** [https://quran.com/3/84?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|وَإِن مِّنْ أَهْلِ ٱلْكِتَـٰبِ إِلَّا لَيُؤْمِنَنَّ بِهِۦ قَبْلَ مَوْتِهِۦ ۖ وَيَوْمَ ٱلْقِيَـٰمَةِ [[w:Jesus in Islam|يَكُونُ]] عَلَيْهِمْ شَهِيدًۭا}} ** [https://quran.com/4/159 Quran 4:159] ** Translation: *** And on the Day of Judgment [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]] will be a witness against them. **** [https://quran.com/4/159?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|إِنَّآ أَوْحَيْنَآ إِلَيْكَ كَمَآ أَوْحَيْنَآ إِلَىٰ نُوحٍۢ وَٱلنَّبِيِّـۧنَ مِنۢ بَعْدِهِۦ ۚ وَأَوْحَيْنَآ إِلَىٰٓ إِبْرَٰهِيمَ وَإِسْمَـٰعِيلَ وَإِسْحَـٰقَ وَيَعْقُوبَ وَٱلْأَسْبَاطِ وَ[[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَىٰ]] وَأَيُّوبَ وَيُونُسَ وَهَـٰرُونَ وَسُلَيْمَـٰنَ}} ** [https://quran.com/4/163 Quran 4:163] ** Translation: *** Indeed, We have sent revelation to you ˹O Prophet˺ as We sent revelation to Noah and the prophets after him. We also sent revelation to Abraham, Ishmael, Isaac, Jacob, and his descendants, ˹as well as˺ [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], Job, Jonah, Aaron, and Solomon. **** [https://quran.com/4/163?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|وَقَفَّيْنَا عَلَىٰٓ ءَاثَـٰرِهِم بِ[[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَى]] ٱبْنِ مَرْيَمَ مُصَدِّقًۭا لِّمَا بَيْنَ يَدَيْهِ مِنَ ٱلتَّوْرَىٰةِ ۖ وَءَاتَيْنَـٰهُ ٱلْإِنجِيلَ فِيهِ هُدًۭى وَنُورٌۭ وَمُصَدِّقًۭا لِّمَا بَيْنَ يَدَيْهِ مِنَ ٱلتَّوْرَىٰةِ وَهُدًۭى وَمَوْعِظَةًۭ لِّلْمُتَّقِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/5/46 Quran 5:46] ** Translation: *** Then in the footsteps of the prophets, We sent [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], son of Mary, confirming the Torah revealed before him. And We gave him the Gospel containing guidance and light and confirming what was revealed in the Torah—a guide and a lesson to the God-fearing. **** [https://quran.com/5/46?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] *** And in the footsteps of the prophets caused we Jesus, the son of Mary, to follow, confirming the law which was before him; and we gave him the Evangel with its guidance and light, confirmatory of the preceding Law: a guidance and warning to those who fear God. **** ''Dictionary of Islam'' by T. P. Hughes * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|لَقَدْ كَفَرَ الَّذِينَ قَالُواْ إِنَّ اللّهَ هُوَالْمَسِيحُ ابْنُ مَرْيَمَ وَقَالَ الْمَسِيحُ يَا بَنِي إِسْرَائِيلَ اعْبُدُواْاللّهَ رَبِّي وَرَبَّكُمْ إِنَّهُ مَن يُشْرِكْ بِاللّهِ فَقَدْ حَرَّمَ اللّهُعَلَيهِالْجَنَّةَ وَمَأْوَاهُ النَّارُ وَمَا لِلظَّالِمِينَ مِنْ أَنصَارٍ <br /> لَّقَدْ كَفَرَ الَّذِينَ قَالُواْ إِنَّ اللّهَ ثَالِثُ ثَلاَثَةٍ وَمَا مِنْإِلَـهٍ إِلاَّ إِلَـهٌ وَاحِدٌ وَإِن لَّمْ يَنتَهُواْ عَمَّا يَقُولُونَ لَيَمَسَّنَّالَّذِينَ كَفَرُواْ مِنْهُمْ عَذَابٌ أَلِي}} ** [https://quran.com/5/72-73 Quran 5:72–73] ([[w:Al-Ma'ida|The Dinner Table]], {{arabic|سورة المائدة}}) ** Translation: *** Certainly they disbelieve who say: Surely Allah, He is the Messiah, son of Marium; and the Messiah said: O Children of Israel! serve Allah, my Lord and your Lord. Surely whoever associates (others) with Allah, then Allah has forbidden to him the garden, and his abode is the fire; and there shall be no helpers for the unjust. Certainly they disbelieve who say: Surely Allah is the third (person) of the three; and there is no god but the one God, and if they desist not from what they say, a painful chastisement shall befall those among them who disbelieve.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|وَإِذْ قَالَ اللّهُ يَا عِيسَى ابْنَ مَرْيَمَ أَأَنتَ قُلتَ لِلنَّاسِ اتَّخِذُونِيوَأُمِّيَ إِلَـهَيْنِ مِن دُونِ اللّهِ قَالَ سُبْحَانَكَ مَا يَكُونُ لِي أَنْأَقُولَ مَا لَيْسَ لِي بِحَقٍّ إِن كُنتُ قُلْتُهُ فَقَدْ عَلِمْتَهُ تَعْلَمُمَا فِينَفْسِي وَلاَ أَعْلَمُ مَا فِي نَفْسِكَ إِنَّكَ أَنتَ عَلاَّمُ الْغُيُوب}} ** [https://quran.com/5/116 Quran 5:116] ([[w:Al-Ma'ida|The Dinner Table]], {{arabic|سورة المائدة}}) ** Translation: *** And when Allah will say: O Isa son of Marium! [Jesus son of Mary] did you say to men, Take me and my mother for two gods besides Allah he will say: Glory be to Thee, it did not befit me that I should say what I had no right to (say); if I had said it, Thou wouldst indeed have known it; Thou knowest what is in my mind, and I do not know what is in Thy mind, surely Thou art the great Knower of the unseen things.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|فَأَتَتْ بِهِ قَوْمَهَا تَحْمِلُهُ قَالُوا يَا مَرْيَمُ لَقَدْ جِئْتِ شَيْئاًفَرِيّاً يَا أُخْتَ هَارُونَ مَا كَانَ أَبُوكِ امْرَأَ سَوْءٍ وَمَا كَانَتْأُمُّكِ بَغِيّاً فَأَشَارَتْ إِلَيْهِ قَالُوا كَيْفَ نُكَلِّمُ مَن كَانَفِيالْمَهْدِ صَبِيّاً قَالَ إِنِّي عَبْدُ اللَّهِ آتَانِيَ الْكِتَابَ وَجَعَلَنِينَبِيّاً وَجَعَلَنِي مُبَارَكاً أَيْنَ مَا كُنتُ وَأَوْصَانِي بِالصَّلَاةِوَالزَّكَاةِ مَا دُمْتُ حَيّاً وَبَرّاً بِوَالِدَتِي وَلَمْ يَجْعَلْنِيجَبَّاراً شَقِيّاً وَالسَّلَامُ عَلَيَّ يَوْمَ وُلِدتُّ وَيَوْمَ أَمُوتُوَيَوْمَ أُبْعَثُ حَيّاً ذَلِكَ عِيسَى ابْنُ مَرْيَمَ قَوْلَ الْحَقِّالَّذِي فِيهِ يَمْتَرُونَ مَا كَانَ لِلَّهِ أَن يَتَّخِذَ مِن وَلَدٍ سُبْحَانَهُإِذَا قَضَى أَمْراً فَإِنَّمَا يَقُولُ لَهُ كُن فَيَكُونُ وَإِنَّ اللَّهَرَبِّي وَرَبُّكُمْفَاعْبُدُوهُ هَذَا صِرَاطٌ مُّسْتَقِيمٌ فَاخْتَلَفَ الْأَحْزَابُ مِنبَيْنِهِمْ فَوَيْلٌ لِّلَّذِينَ كَفَرُوا مِن مَّشْهَدِ يَوْمٍ عَظِيمٍ أَسْمِعْ بِهِمْوَأَبْصِرْ يَوْمَ يَأْتُونَنَا لَكِنِ الظَّالِمُونَ الْيَوْمَ فِي ضَلَالٍ مُّبِينٍ وَأَنذِرْهُمْ يَوْمَ الْحَسْرَةِ إِذْ قُضِيَ الْأَمْرُ وَهُمْ فِي غَفْلَةٍوَهُمْ لَا يُؤْمِنُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/19/27-39 Quran 19:27–39] ([[w:Maryam|Maryam]], {{arabic|سورة مريم}}) ** Translation: *** Then she brought him to her own folk, carrying him. They said: O Mary! Thou hast come with an amazing thing. O sister of Aaron! Thy father was not a wicked man nor was thy mother a harlot. Then she pointed to him. They said: How can we talk to one who is in the cradle, a young boy? He spake: Lo! I am the slave of Allah. He hath given me the Scripture and hath appointed me a Prophet, And hath made me blessed wheresoever I may be, and hath enjoined upon me prayer and almsgiving so long as I remain alive, And (hath made me) dutiful toward her who bore me, and hath not made me arrogant, unblest. Peace on me the day I was born, and the day I die, and the day I shall be raised alive! Such was Jesus, son of Mary: (this is) a statement of the truth concerning which they doubt. It befitteth not (the Majesty of) Allah that He should take unto Himself a son. Glory be to Him! When He decreeth a thing, He saith unto it only: Be! and it is. And lo! Allah is my Lord and your Lord. So serve Him. That is the right path. The sects among them differ: but woe unto the disbelievers from the meeting of an awful Day. See and hear them on the Day they come unto Us! yet the evil-doers are today in error manifest. And warn them of the Day of anguish when the case hath been decided. Now they are in a state of carelessness, and they believe not.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|وَإِذْ أَخَذْنَا مِنَ ٱلنَّبِيِّـۧنَ مِيثَـٰقَهُمْ وَمِنكَ وَمِن نُّوحٍۢ وَإِبْرَٰهِيمَ وَمُوسَىٰ وَ[[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَى]] ٱبْنِ مَرْيَمَ ۖ وَأَخَذْنَا مِنْهُم مِّيثَـٰقًا غَلِيظًۭا لِّيَسْـَٔلَ ٱلصَّـٰدِقِينَ عَن صِدْقِهِمْ}} ** [https://quran.com/33/7-8 Quran 33:7–8] ** Translation: *** And ˹remember˺ when We took a covenant from the prophets, as well as from you ˹O Prophet˺, and from Noah, Abraham, Moses, and [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], son of Mary. We did take a solemn covenant from ˹all of˺ them so that He may question these men of truth about their ˹delivery of the˺ truth. **** [https://quran.com/33/7-8?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|شَرَعَ لَكُم مِّنَ ٱلدِّينِ مَا وَصَّىٰ بِهِۦ نُوحًۭا وَٱلَّذِىٓ أَوْحَيْنَآ إِلَيْكَ وَمَا وَصَّيْنَا بِهِۦٓ إِبْرَٰهِيمَ وَمُوسَىٰ وَ[[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَىٰٓ]] ۖ أَنْ أَقِيمُوا۟ ٱلدِّينَ وَلَا تَتَفَرَّقُوا۟ فِيهِ}} ** [https://quran.com/42/13 Quran 42:13] ** Translation: *** He has ordained for you ˹believers˺ the Way which He decreed for Noah, and what We have revealed to you ˹O Prophet˺ and what We decreed for Abraham, Moses, and [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], ˹commanding:˺ "Uphold the faith, and make no divisions in it." **** [https://quran.com/42/13?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|وَلَمَّا جَآءَ [[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَىٰ]] بِٱلْبَيِّنَـٰتِ قَالَ قَدْ جِئْتُكُم بِٱلْحِكْمَةِ وَلِأُبَيِّنَ لَكُم بَعْضَ ٱلَّذِى تَخْتَلِفُونَ فِيهِ ۖ فَٱتَّقُوا۟ ٱللَّهَ وَأَطِيعُونِ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ هُوَ رَبِّى وَرَبُّكُمْ فَٱعْبُدُوهُ ۚ هَـٰذَا صِرَٰطٌۭ مُّسْتَقِيمٌۭ}} ** [https://quran.com/43/63-64 Quran 43:63–64] ** Translation: *** When [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]] came with clear proofs, he declared, "I have come to you with wisdom, and to clarify to you some of what you differ about. So fear Allah, and obey me. Surely Allah ˹alone˺ is my Lord and your Lord, so worship Him ˹alone˺. This is the Straight Path." **** [https://quran.com/43/63-64?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|ثُمَّ قَفَّيْنَا عَلَىٰٓ ءَاثَـٰرِهِم بِرُسُلِنَا وَقَفَّيْنَا بِ[[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَى]] ٱبْنِ مَرْيَمَ وَءَاتَيْنَـٰهُ ٱلْإِنجِيلَ وَجَعَلْنَا فِى قُلُوبِ ٱلَّذِينَ ٱتَّبَعُوهُ رَأْفَةًۭ وَرَحْمَةًۭ}} ** [https://quran.com/57/27 Quran 57:27] ** Translation: *** Then in the footsteps of these ˹prophets˺, We sent Our messengers, and ˹after them˺ We sent [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], son of Mary, and granted him the Gospel, and instilled compassion and mercy into the hearts of his followers. **** [https://quran.com/57/27?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|وَإِذْ قَالَ عِيسَى ابْنُ مَرْيَمَ يَا بَنِي إِسْرَائِيلَ إِنِّي رَسُولُ اللَّهِإِلَيْكُم مُّصَدِّقاًلِّمَا بَيْنَ يَدَيَّ مِنَ التَّوْرَاةِ وَمُبَشِّراً بِرَسُولٍ يَأْتِي مِنبَعْدِي اسْمُهُ أَحْمَدُ فَلَمَّاجَاءهُم بِالْبَيِّنَاتِ قَالُوا هَذَا سِحْرٌ مُّبِينٌ}} ** [https://quran.com/61/6 Quran 61:6] ([[w:As-Saff|The Ranks]], {{arabic|سورة الصف}}) ** Translation: *** And when Isa son of Marium [Jesus son of Mary] said: O children of Israel! surely I am the apostle of Allah to you, verifying that which is before me of the Taurat and giving the good news of an Apostle who will come after me, his name being [[w:Ahmad (name)|Ahmad]] [Muhammad], but when he came to them with clear arguments they said: This is clear magic.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ كُونُوٓا۟ أَنصَارَ ٱللَّهِ كَمَا قَالَ [[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَى]] ٱبْنُ مَرْيَمَ لِلْحَوَارِيِّـۧنَ مَنْ أَنصَارِىٓ إِلَى ٱللَّهِ ۖ قَالَ ٱلْحَوَارِيُّونَ نَحْنُ أَنصَارُ ٱللَّهِ ۖ فَـَٔامَنَت طَّآئِفَةٌۭ مِّنۢ بَنِىٓ إِسْرَٰٓءِيلَ وَكَفَرَت طَّآئِفَةٌۭ ۖ فَأَيَّدْنَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ عَلَىٰ عَدُوِّهِمْ فَأَصْبَحُوا۟ ظَـٰهِرِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/61/14 Quran 61:14] ** Translation: *** O believers! Stand up for Allah, as [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], son of Mary, asked the disciples, "Who will stand up with me for Allah?" The disciples replied, "We will stand up for Allah." Then a group from the Children of Israel believed while another disbelieved. We then supported the believers against their enemies, so they prevailed. **** [https://quran.com/61/14?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|بِسْمِ اللهِ ٱلرَّحْمَـٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيمِ قُلْ هُوَ اللَّهُ أَحَدٌ اللَّهُ الصَّمَدُ لَمْ يَلِدْوَلَمْ يُولَدْ وَلَمْ يَكُن لَّهُ كُفُواً أَحَدٌ}} ** [https://quran.com/112/1-4 Quran 112:1–4] ([[w:Al-Ikhlas|The Unity]], {{arabic|سورة الإخلاص}}) ** Translation: *** Say: He, Allah, is One. Allah is He on Whom all depend. He begets not, nor is He begotten. And none is like Him. ** Comments: *** This statement was declared as a rebuke to Christian doctrines of Jesus as the incarnation of God, and that God could beget a son that was his equal. * Surah ii. 254: "Some of the apostles we have endowed more highly than others: Those to whom God hath spoken. He hath raised to the loftiest grade, and to Jesus, son of Mary we gave manifest signs, and we strengthened him with the Holy Spirit. And if God had pleased, they who came after them would not have wrangled, after the clear signs had reached them. But into disputes they fell; some of them believed, and some were infidels; yet if God had pleased, they would not have thus wrangled; but God doth what he will." ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah iii. 37-42: "And remember when the angels said, 'O Mary! Verily hath God chosen thee, and purified thee, and chosen thee above the women of the worlds! O Mary! Be devout towards thy Lord, and prostrate thyself and bow down with those who bow.' This is one of the announcements of things unseen by thee: To thee, O Muhammad! do we reveal it; for thou wast not with them when they cast lots with reeds which of them should rear Mary: nor wast thou with them when they disputed about it. Remember when the angel said, "O mary! Verily God annnounceth to thee the Word from Him: His name shall be Messiah Jesus the son of Mary, illustrious in this world, and in the next, and one of those who have near access to God; and he shall speak to mean alike when in the cradle and when grown up; and he shall be one of the just.' She said, 'How, O my Lord? Shall I have a son, when man hath not touched me?' He said, 'Thus: God will create what He will; when He decreeth a thing He only saith, "Be," and it is.' And He will teach him the Book, and the Wisdom, and the Law, and the Evangel; and he shall be an apostle to the children of Israel." ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah iii. 44: "And I have come to attest the law which was before me; and to allow you part of that which had been forbidden you; and I come to you with a sign from your Lord; Fear God, then, and obey me; of a truth God is my Lord, and your Lord: Therefore worship Him. This is a right way." ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * She said: My Lord! How can I have a child when no mortal hath touched me? He said: So (it will be). Allah createth what He will. If He decreeth a thing, He saith unto it only: Be! and it is. <br /> And He will teach him the Scripture and wisdom, and the Torah and the Gospel, <br /> And will make him a messenger unto the Children of Israel, (saying): Lo! I come unto you with a sign from your Lord. Lo! I fashion for you out of clay the likeness of a bird, and I breathe into it and it is a bird, by Allah's leave. I heal him who was born blind, and the leper, and I raise the dead, by Allah's leave. And I announce unto you what ye eat and what ye store up in your houses. Lo! herein verily is a portent for you, if ye are to be believers. <br /> And (I come) confirming that which was before me of the Torah, and to make lawful some of that which was forbidden unto you. I come unto you with a sign from your Lord, so keep your duty to Allah and obey me. ** The [[Quran]] [https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/quran/3/index.htm Sura 3:47-50] as translated by [[w:Marmaduke Pickthall|Marmaduke Pickthall]] in ''[[w:The Meaning of the Glorious Koran|The Meaning of the Glorious Koran]]'' (1930) * Surah iii. 51, 52: "These signs, and this wise warning do we rehearse to thee. Verily, Jesus is as Adam in the sight of God. He created Him of dust: He then said to him, 'Be,' – and he was." ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah iii. 72, 73: "And some truly are there among them who torture the Scriptures with they tongues, in order that ye may suppose it to be from the Scripture, yet it is not from the Scripture. And they say, 'This is from God'; yet it is not from God; and they utter s lie against God, and they know they do so. It beseemeth not a man, that God should give his the Scriptures and the Wisdom, and the gift of prophecy, and that then he should say to his followers, 'Be ye worshipers of me, as well as of God'; but rather, 'Be ye perfect in things pertaining to God, since ye know the Scriptures, and have studied deep.'" ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah v. 76-69: "They misbelieve who say, 'Verily, God is the Messiah, the son of Mary'; but the Messiah said, 'O children of Israel! Worship God, my Lord and your Lord; verily, he who associates aught with God, God hath forbidden him Paradise, and his resort is the Fire, and the unjust shall have none to help them. They misbelieve who say, 'Verily God is the third of three, for there is no God but one; and if they do not desist from what they say, there shall touch those who misbelieve amongst them grievous woe. Will they not turn again towards God and ask pardon of Him? For God is forgiving and merciful.' The Messiah, the son of Mary, is only a prophet! Prophets before him have passed away; and his mother was a confessor; they used both to eat food. See how we explain to them the signs, yet see how they turn aside!" ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah lvii. 26, 27: "And of old sent we Noah and Abraham, and on their seed conferred the gift of prophecy, and the Book; and some of them we guided aright; but many were evil doers. Then we caused our apostles to follow in their footsteps; and we caused Jesus the son of Mary to follow them; and we gave him the Evangel and we put into the hearts of those who followed him kindness and compassion; but as to the monastic life, they invented it themselves. The desire only of pleasing God did we prescribe to them, and this they observed not as it ought to have been observed; but to such of them as believed gave we their reward, though many of them were perverse." ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah xix. 16-21: "And make mention in the Book, of Mary, when she went apart from her family, eastward, and took a veil to shroud herself from them: and We sent Our spirit to her, and he took before her the form of a perfect man. She said: 'I fly for refuge from thee to the God of Mercy! If thou fearest Him, begone from me.' He said: 'I am only a messenger of they Lord, that I may bestow on thee a holy son.' She said: 'How shall I have a son, when man hath never touched me? And I am not unchaste.' He said: 'So shall it be. Thy Lord hath said: "Easy is this with me; and we will make him a sign to mankind and a mercy from us. For it is a thing decreed."'" ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah lxi. 6: "And remember when Jesus the son of Mary said, 'O children of Israel! Of a truth I am God's apostle to you to confirm the law which was given before me, and to announce an apostle that shall come after me whose name shall be Ahmad! But when he (Ahmad) presented himself with clear proofs of his mission, they said, 'This is manifest sorcery!" ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah xxiii. 52: "And we appointed the Son and his Mother for a sign; and we prepared an abode in a lofty spot, quiet and watered with springs." ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah v. 112-115: "Remember when the Apostles said: 'O Jesus, Son of Mary! Is thy Lord able to send down a furnished table to us out of Heaven?' He said: 'Fear God if ye be believers.' They said: 'We desire to eat therefrom, and to have our hearts assured; and to know that thou hast indeed spoken truth to us, and to be witnesses thereof.' Jesus, Son of Mary, said: 'O God our Lord! Send down a table to us out of Heaven, that it may become a recurring festival to us, to the first of us and to the last of us, and a sign from thee; and do thou nourish us, for thou art the best of nourishers.' And God said: 'Verily, I will cause it to descend unto you; but whoever among you after that shall disbelieve, I will surely chastise him with a chastisement wherewith I will not chastise any other creature. ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah v. 19: "Infidels now are they who say, 'Verily God is Messiah Ibn Maryam (son of Mary)! SAY: And who could aught obtain from God, if he chose to destroy the Messiah Ibn Maryam, and his mother, and all who are on the earth together?'" ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah vi. 85: "And Zachariah, John, Jesus, and Elias: all were just persons." ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah ix. 30: "The Jews say Ezra is the Son of God; and the Christians say that the Messiah is the Son of God; that is what they say with their mouths imitating the sayings of those who misbelieve before - God fight them! - How they lie!" ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Then she conceived him; and withdrew with him to a remote place. ‏And the throes of childbirth drove her to the trunk of a palm-tree. She said: Oh, would that I had died before this, and had been a thing quite forgotten! ‏So a voice came to her from beneath her: Grieve not, surely thy Lord has provided a stream beneath thee. ‏ And shake towards thee the trunk of the palm-tree, it will drop on thee fresh ripe dates. ‏So eat and drink and cool the eye. Then if thou seest any mortal, say: Surely I have vowed a fast to the Beneficent, so I will not speak to any man to-day. ** Qur'an 19:22-26 * But she pointed to him. They said: How should we speak to one who is a child in the cradle? He said: I am indeed a servant of Allah. He has given me the Book and made me a prophet. And He has made me blessed wherever I may be, and He has enjoined on me prayer and poor-rate so long as I live: ** Qur'an 19:29-31 * Surah xliii. 57-65: "And when the Son of Mary was set forth as an instance of divine power, lo! Thy people cried out for joy thereat: And they said, "Are our god or is he the better?' They put this forth to thee only in the spirit of dispute. Yea. They are a contentious people. Jesus is no more than a servant whom we favored, and proposed as an instance of divine power to the children of Israel; and if we pleased, we could from yourselves bring forth Angels to succeed you on earth; and he shall be a sign of the last hour; doubt not then of it, and follow ye me: this is the right way; and let not Satan turn you aside from it, for he is your manifest foe. And when Jesus came with manifest proofs, he said, 'Now am I come to you with wisdom; and a part of those things about which ye are at variance I will clear up to you; fear ye God, therefore, and obey me. Verily, God is my Lord and your Lord; wherefore, worship ye him: this is a right way.' But the different parties fell into disputes among themselves; but woe to those who thus transgressed, because of the punishment of an afflictive day!" ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah xix. 35, 36: "That is Jesus, the son of Mary, the word of truth (Qaulu 'l-Haqq), whereon ye do dispute! God could not take to Himself a son! Celebrated be His praise! When He decrees a matter He only say to it 'BE,' and it is; and verily God is my Lord and your Lord, so worship Him: this is the right way. But the sects have differed among themselves." ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. === Hadith === : <small>[[Wikisource:Hadith|Hadith]] in Wikisource</small> * The Prophet said, "On the night of my Ascent to the Heaven, I saw Moses who was a tall brown curly-haired man as if he was one of the men of Shan'awa tribe, and I saw Jesus, a man of medium height and moderate complexion inclined to the red and white colors and of lank hair. I also saw Malik, the gate-keeper of the (Hell) Fire and [[w:Dajjal|Ad-Dajjal]] [the [[w:Antichrist|Antichrist]]] amongst the signs which Allah showed me." ** [[w:Hadith|Hadith]], translation of [[Sahih Bukhari|Sahih Bukhari]], [https://www.usc.edu/dept/MSA/fundamentals/hadithsunnah/bukhari/054.sbt.html#004.054.462 Volume 4, Book 54, Number 462] * Allah's Apostle said, "How will you be when the son of Mary ([[w:Jesus Christ|Jesus]]) descends amongst you and he will judge people by the Law of the Qur'an and not by the law of Gospel?" ** [[w:Hadith|Hadith]], translation of [[w:Sahih Bukhari|Sahih Bukhari]], [https://www.usc.edu/dept/MSA/fundamentals/hadithsunnah/bukhari/055.sbt.html#004.055.554 Volume 4, Book 55, Number 65] * The Prophet said, "On the Day of Resurrection the Believers will assemble and say, 'Let us ask somebody to intercede for us with our Lord.' ... 'Go to Jesus, Allah's Slave, His Apostle and Allah's Word and a Spirit coming from Him.' Jesus will say, 'I am not fit for this undertaking, go to Muhammad the Slave of Allah whose past and future sins were forgiven by Allah.' So they will come to me and I will proceed till I will ask my Lord's Permission and I will be given permission. ** [[w:Hadith|Hadith]], translation of [[w:Sahih Bukhari|Sahih Bukhari]], [https://www.usc.edu/dept/MSA/fundamentals/hadithsunnah/bukhari/060.sbt.html#006.060.149 Volume 6, Book 50, Number 3] * By Him in Whose hand is my life, the son of Mary will soon descend among you as a just judge. He will break crosses, kill swine and abolish Jizya and the wealth will pour forth to such an extent that no one will accept it. ** [[Hadith]], translation of [[w:Sahih Bukhari|Sahih Bukhari]], [https://sunnah.com/muslim/1/296 Book 1, Hadith 296] === The Dome of the Rock === : ''This section cites inscriptions from the Dome of the Rock ({{arabic|مسجد قبة الصخرة}}).'' [[File:Dehio 10 Dome of the Rock Floor plan.jpg|thumb|Oh God, bless Your Messenger and Your servant Jesus son of Mary. Peace be on him the day he was born, and the day he dies, and the day he shall be raised alive! <!-- Floor plan for the octagonal arcade of [[w:The Dome of the Rock|The Dome of the Rock]] ({{arabic|مسجد قبة الصخرة}}) in Jerusalem (built 692 CE), which contains numerous inscriptions that refer to Jesus -->]] * "O People of the Book! Do not exaggerate in your religion nor utter aught concerning God save the truth. The Messiah, Jesus son of Mary, was only a Messenger of God, and His Word which He conveyed unto Mary, and a spirit from Him. So believe in God and His messengers, and say not 'Three' — Cease! (it is better for you! — God is only One God. Far be it removed from His transcendent majesty that He should have a son. His is all that is in the heavens and all that is in the earth. And God is sufficient as Defender." (Quran 4:171) ** [[w:Islam|Islamic]] inscription in the east-northeast inner octagonal arcade of the [[w:Dome of the Rock|Dome of the Rock]], Jerusalem (692 CE), [link to [https://www.islamic-awareness.org/History/Islam/Inscriptions/DoTR.html full text and translation]] * Oh God, bless Your Messenger and Your servant Jesus son of Mary. Peace be on him the day he was born, and the day he dies, and the day he shall be raised alive! Such was Jesus, son of Mary, (this is) a statement of the truth concerning which they doubt. ** [[w:Islam|Islamic]] inscription in the north-northwest inner octagonal arcade of the [[w:Dome of the Rock|Dome of the Rock]], Jerusalem (692 CE), [link to [https://www.islamic-awareness.org/History/Islam/Inscriptions/DoTR.html full text and translation]] * It befitteth not (the Majesty of) God that He should take unto Himself a son. Glory be to Him! When He decreeth a thing, He saith unto it only: Be! and it is. Lo! God is my Lord and your Lord. So serve Him. That is the right path. God (Himself) is witness that there is no God save Him. ** [[w:Islam|Islamic]] inscription in the northwest-west inner octagonal arcade of the [[w:Dome of the Rock|Dome of the Rock]], Jerusalem (692 CE), [link to [https://www.islamic-awareness.org/History/Islam/Inscriptions/DoTR.html full text and translation]] * There is no god but God. He is One. Praise be to God, Who hath not taken unto Himself a son, and Who hath no partner in the Sovereignty, nor hath He any protecting friend through dependence. ** [[w:Islam|Islamic]] inscription in the west-northwest inner octagonal arcade of the [[w:Dome of the Rock|Dome of the Rock]], Jerusalem (692 CE), [link to [https://www.islamic-awareness.org/History/Islam/Inscriptions/DoTR.html full text and translation]] === Commentary === * According to most classical Muslim commentators the Quran teaches that Jesus did not die. On the day of the crucifixion [[w:Islamic views on Jesus's death#Substitution interpretation|another person]] – whether his disciple or his betrayer – was miraculously transformed and assumed the appearance of Jesus. He was taken away, crucified, and killed, while Jesus was assumed body and soul into heaven. Most critical scholars accept that this is indeed the Quran's teaching, even if the Quran states explicitly only that the Jews did not kill Jesus. ** Gabriel S. Reynolds: [https://doi.org/10.1017%2FS0041977X09000500 "The Muslim Jesus: Dead or Alive?"] ([https://www3.nd.edu/~reynolds/index_files/jesus%20dead%20or%20alive.pdf PDF]). ''Bulletin of the School of Oriental and African Studies'', University of London. Cambridge University Press, May 2009. == See also == * [[Jesus#The Qur'an and the Hadith|Jesus § The Qur'an and the Hadith]] * [[Quran]] == External links == {{wikipedia|Jesus in the Quran}} * [https://quran.com/search?page=1&q=jesus&translations=131 Search for "Jesus" at Quran.com] * [https://search-the-quran.com/search/Jesus Search for "Jesus" at Search-the-Quran.com] [[Category:Quran]] [[Category:Islam]] [[Category:Jesus]] [[Category:Biblical people in Islam]] [[Category:Prophets of Islam]] 8qte4nxg367hd2lvgmrgvt1v7t0car4 3779103 3779101 2025-07-15T11:39:44Z SolarisQ 3137151 Unboldened text 3779103 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Isa (Jesus)1 (cropped).png|thumb|right|Jesus's Arabic name [[w:Isa (name)|Isa]] ([[Wiktionary:عيسى|{{arabic|عِيسَى}}]]) in Islamic calligraphy.]] There are many passages about '''[[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus in Islam]]'''. The [[Quran]] uses the name [[w:Isa (name)|Isa]] ([[Wiktionary:عيسى|{{arabic|عِيسَى}}]]) for [[Jesus]] and places him amongst the greatest prophets. In Islam, Jesus is believed to be the Messiah and the penultimate prophet and messenger of God, succeeded by [[Muhammad]]. This page quotes from the most prominent passages about Jesus in the Quran. The translation used is [[w:The Clear Quran|''The Clear Quran'']] by Dr. Mustafa Khattab, and the links go to [https://quran.com/ Quran.com], which provides additional translations. == Quotes == === Quran === ==== Miracles ==== :''See also: [[w:Jesus in Islam#Miracles|Jesus in Islam § Miracles (Wikipedia)]] * {{arabic|align=right|إِذْ قَالَ ٱللَّهُ يَـٰ[[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَى]] ٱبْنَ مَرْيَمَ ٱذْكُرْ نِعْمَتِى عَلَيْكَ وَعَلَىٰ وَٰلِدَتِكَ إِذْ أَيَّدتُّكَ بِرُوحِ ٱلْقُدُسِ تُكَلِّمُ ٱلنَّاسَ فِى ٱلْمَهْدِ وَكَهْلًۭا ۖ وَإِذْ عَلَّمْتُكَ ٱلْكِتَـٰبَ وَٱلْحِكْمَةَ وَٱلتَّوْرَىٰةَ وَٱلْإِنجِيلَ ۖ وَإِذْ تَخْلُقُ مِنَ ٱلطِّينِ كَهَيْـَٔةِ ٱلطَّيْرِ بِإِذْنِى فَتَنفُخُ فِيهَا فَتَكُونُ طَيْرًۢا بِإِذْنِى ۖ وَتُبْرِئُ ٱلْأَكْمَهَ وَٱلْأَبْرَصَ بِإِذْنِى ۖ وَإِذْ تُخْرِجُ ٱلْمَوْتَىٰ بِإِذْنِى ۖ وَإِذْ كَفَفْتُ بَنِىٓ إِسْرَٰٓءِيلَ عَنكَ إِذْ جِئْتَهُم بِٱلْبَيِّنَـٰتِ فَقَالَ ٱلَّذِينَ كَفَرُوا۟ مِنْهُمْ إِنْ هَـٰذَآ إِلَّا سِحْرٌۭ مُّبِينٌۭ}} ** [https://quran.com/5/110 Quran 5:110] ** Translation: *** And ˹on Judgment Day˺ Allah will say, "O [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], son of Mary! Remember My favour upon you and your mother: how I supported you with the holy spirit so you spoke to people in ˹your˺ infancy and adulthood. How I taught you writing, wisdom, the Torah, and the Gospel. How you moulded a bird from clay—by My Will—and breathed into it and it became a ˹real˺ bird—by My Will. How you healed the blind and the lepers—by My Will. How you brought the dead to life—by My Will. How I prevented the Children of Israel from harming you when you came to them with clear proofs and the disbelievers among them said, 'This is nothing but pure magic.'" **** [https://quran.com/5/110?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] ==== Trinity ==== :''See also: [[w:Islamic view of the Trinity|Islamic view of the Trinity (Wikipedia)]] * {{arabic|align=right|يَـٰٓأَهْلَ ٱلْكِتَـٰبِ لَا تَغْلُوا۟ فِى دِينِكُمْ وَلَا تَقُولُوا۟ عَلَى ٱللَّهِ إِلَّا ٱلْحَقَّ ۚ إِنَّمَا ٱلْمَسِيحُ [[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَى]] ٱبْنُ مَرْيَمَ رَسُولُ ٱللَّهِ وَكَلِمَتُهُۥٓ أَلْقَىٰهَآ إِلَىٰ مَرْيَمَ وَرُوحٌۭ مِّنْهُ ۖ فَـَٔامِنُوا۟ بِٱللَّهِ وَرُسُلِهِۦ ۖ وَلَا تَقُولُوا۟ [[w:Islamic view of the Trinity|ثَلَـٰثَةٌ]] ۚ ٱنتَهُوا۟ خَيْرًۭا لَّكُمْ ۚ إِنَّمَا ٱللَّهُ إِلَـٰهٌۭ وَٰحِدٌۭ ۖ سُبْحَـٰنَهُۥٓ أَن يَكُونَ لَهُۥ وَلَدٌۭ ۘ لَّهُۥ مَا فِى ٱلسَّمَـٰوَٰتِ وَمَا فِى ٱلْأَرْضِ ۗ وَكَفَىٰ بِٱللَّهِ وَكِيلًۭا}} ** [https://quran.com/4/171 Quran 4:171] ([[w:An-Nisa|The Women]], {{arabic|سورة النساء}}) ** Translations: *** O People of the Book! Do not go to extremes regarding your faith; say nothing about Allah except the truth. The Messiah, [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], son of Mary, was no more than a messenger of Allah and the fulfilment of His Word through Mary and a spirit ˹created by a command˺ from Him. So believe in Allah and His messengers and do not say, "[[w:Islamic view of the Trinity|Trinity]]." Stop!—for your own good. Allah is only One God. Glory be to Him! He is far above having a son! To Him belongs whatever is in the heavens and whatever is on the earth. And Allah is sufficient as a Trustee of Affairs. **** [https://quran.com/4/171?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] *** O ye people of the Book! Overstep not bounds in your religion; and of God, speak only truth. The Messiah, Jesus, son of Mary, is only an apostle of God, and His Word which he conveyed into Mary, and a Spirit from Him. Believe, therefore, in God and His apostles, and say not, "Three": (i.e. there is a Trinity) – Forbear – it will be better for you. God is only one God! Far be it from His glory that He should have a son! His, whatever is in the Heavens, and whatever is in the Earth! And God is a sufficient Guardian. **** ''Dictionary of Islam'' by T. P. Hughes * {{arabic|align=right|لَّقَدْ كَفَرَ ٱلَّذِينَ قَالُوٓا۟ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ هُوَ ٱلْمَسِيحُ ٱبْنُ مَرْيَمَ ۚ قُلْ فَمَن يَمْلِكُ مِنَ ٱللَّهِ شَيْـًٔا إِنْ أَرَادَ أَن يُهْلِكَ ٱلْمَسِيحَ ٱبْنَ مَرْيَمَ وَأُمَّهُۥ وَمَن فِى ٱلْأَرْضِ جَمِيعًۭا ۗ وَلِلَّهِ مُلْكُ ٱلسَّمَـٰوَٰتِ وَٱلْأَرْضِ وَمَا بَيْنَهُمَا ۚ يَخْلُقُ مَا يَشَآءُ ۚ وَٱللَّهُ عَلَىٰ كُلِّ شَىْءٍۢ قَدِيرٌۭ}} ** [https://quran.com/5/17 Quran 5:17] ** Translation: *** Indeed, those who say, "Allah is the Messiah, son of Mary," have fallen into disbelief. Say, ˹O Prophet,˺ "Who has the power to prevent Allah if He chose to destroy the Messiah, son of Mary, his mother, and everyone in the world all together?" To Allah ˹alone˺ belongs the kingdom of the heavens and the earth and everything in between. He creates whatever He wills. And Allah is Most Capable of everything. **** [https://quran.com/5/17?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] *** In blasphemy indeed are those that say that God is Christ the son of Mary. Say: "Who then hath the least power against God, if He wished to destroy Christ the son of Mary, his mother, and all those on the earth? For to God belongeth the dominion of the heavens and the earth, and all that is between. He createth what He pleaseth. For God hath power over all things. **** [https://quran.com/5/17?translations=22 ''The Holy Qur'an: Text, Translation and Commentary''] by [[w:Abdullah Yusuf Ali|Abdullah Yusuf Ali]] ==== Jesus's death ==== :''See also: [[w:Islamic views on Jesus's death|Islamic views on Jesus's death (Wikipedia)]] :''See also: [[w:Jesus in Islam#Ascension|Jesus in Islam § Ascension (Wikipedia)]] * {{arabic|align=right|فَبِمَا نَقْضِهِم مِّيثَـٰقَهُمْ وَكُفْرِهِم بِـَٔايَـٰتِ ٱللَّهِ وَقَتْلِهِمُ ٱلْأَنۢبِيَآءَ بِغَيْرِ حَقٍّۢ وَقَوْلِهِمْ قُلُوبُنَا غُلْفٌۢ ۚ بَلْ طَبَعَ ٱللَّهُ عَلَيْهَا بِكُفْرِهِمْ فَلَا يُؤْمِنُونَ إِلَّا قَلِيلًۭا وَبِكُفْرِهِمْ وَقَوْلِهِمْ عَلَىٰ مَرْيَمَ بُهْتَـٰنًا عَظِيمًۭا وَقَوْلِهِمْ إِنَّا قَتَلْنَا ٱلْمَسِيحَ [[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَى]] ٱبْنَ مَرْيَمَ رَسُولَ ٱللَّهِ وَمَا قَتَلُوهُ وَمَا صَلَبُوهُ وَلَـٰكِن شُبِّهَ لَهُمْ ۚ وَإِنَّ ٱلَّذِينَ ٱخْتَلَفُوا۟ فِيهِ لَفِى شَكٍّۢ مِّنْهُ ۚ مَا لَهُم بِهِۦ مِنْ عِلْمٍ إِلَّا ٱتِّبَاعَ ٱلظَّنِّ ۚ وَمَا قَتَلُوهُ يَقِينًۢا بَل رَّفَعَهُ ٱللَّهُ إِلَيْهِ ۚ وَكَانَ ٱللَّهُ عَزِيزًا حَكِيمًۭا}} ** [https://quran.com/4/155-158 Quran 4:155–158] ([[w:An-Nisa|The Women]], {{arabic|سورة النساء}}) ** Translation: *** ˹[[w:People of the Book|They]] were condemned˺ for breaking their covenant, rejecting Allah's signs, killing the prophets unjustly, and for saying, "Our hearts are unreceptive!"—it is Allah Who has sealed their hearts for their disbelief, so they do not believe except for a few—and for their denial and outrageous accusation against Mary, and for boasting, "We killed the Messiah, [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], son of Mary, the messenger of Allah." But they neither killed nor crucified him—it was only made to appear so. Even those who argue for this ˹crucifixion˺ are in doubt. They have no knowledge whatsoever—only making assumptions. They certainly did not kill him. Rather, Allah raised him up to Himself. And Allah is Almighty, All-Wise. **** [https://quran.com/4/155-158?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] ==== Miscellaneous ==== * {{arabic|align=right|وَلَقَدْ ءَاتَيْنَا مُوسَى ٱلْكِتَـٰبَ وَقَفَّيْنَا مِنۢ بَعْدِهِۦ بِٱلرُّسُلِ ۖ وَءَاتَيْنَا [[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَى]] ٱبْنَ مَرْيَمَ ٱلْبَيِّنَـٰتِ وَأَيَّدْنَـٰهُ بِرُوحِ ٱلْقُدُسِ ۗ أَفَكُلَّمَا جَآءَكُمْ رَسُولٌۢ بِمَا لَا تَهْوَىٰٓ أَنفُسُكُمُ ٱسْتَكْبَرْتُمْ فَفَرِيقًۭا كَذَّبْتُمْ وَفَرِيقًۭا تَقْتُلُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/2/87 Quran 2:87] ** Translations: *** Indeed, We gave Moses the Book and sent after him successive messengers. And We gave [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], son of Mary, clear proofs and supported him with the holy spirit. **** [https://quran.com/2/87?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] *** Moreover, to Moses gave we "the Book", and we raised up apostles after him; and to Jesus, son of Mary, gave we clear proofs of his mission and strengthened him by the Holy Spirit. **** ''Dictionary of Islam'' by T. P. Hughes * {{arabic|align=right|قُولُوٓا۟ ءَامَنَّا بِٱللَّهِ وَمَآ أُنزِلَ إِلَيْنَا وَمَآ أُنزِلَ إِلَىٰٓ إِبْرَٰهِـۧمَ وَإِسْمَـٰعِيلَ وَإِسْحَـٰقَ وَيَعْقُوبَ وَٱلْأَسْبَاطِ وَمَآ أُوتِىَ مُوسَىٰ وَ[[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَىٰ]] وَمَآ أُوتِىَ ٱلنَّبِيُّونَ مِن رَّبِّهِمْ لَا نُفَرِّقُ بَيْنَ أَحَدٍۢ مِّنْهُمْ وَنَحْنُ لَهُۥ مُسْلِمُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/2/136 Quran 2:136] ** Translation: *** Say, ˹O believers,˺ "We believe in Allah and what has been revealed to us; and what was revealed to Abraham, Ishmael, Isaac, Jacob, and his descendants; and what was given to Moses, [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], and other prophets from their Lord. We make no distinction between any of them. And to Allah we all submit." **** [https://quran.com/2/136?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|align=right|تِلْكَ ٱلرُّسُلُ فَضَّلْنَا بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَىٰ بَعْضٍۢ ۘ مِّنْهُم مَّن كَلَّمَ ٱللَّهُ ۖ وَرَفَعَ بَعْضَهُمْ دَرَجَـٰتٍۢ ۚ وَءَاتَيْنَا [[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَى]] ٱبْنَ مَرْيَمَ ٱلْبَيِّنَـٰتِ وَأَيَّدْنَـٰهُ بِرُوحِ ٱلْقُدُسِ}} ** [https://quran.com/2/253 Quran 2:253] ** Translation: *** We have chosen some of those messengers above others. Allah spoke directly to some, and raised some high in rank. To [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], son of Mary, We gave clear proofs and supported him with the holy spirit. **** [https://quran.com/2/253?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|align=right|إِذْ قَالَتِ ٱلْمَلَـٰٓئِكَةُ يَـٰمَرْيَمُ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يُبَشِّرُكِ بِكَلِمَةٍۢ مِّنْهُ ٱسْمُهُ ٱلْمَسِيحُ [[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَى]] ٱبْنُ مَرْيَمَ وَجِيهًۭا فِى ٱلدُّنْيَا وَٱلْـَٔاخِرَةِ وَمِنَ ٱلْمُقَرَّبِينَ وَيُكَلِّمُ ٱلنَّاسَ فِى ٱلْمَهْدِ وَكَهْلًۭا وَمِنَ ٱلصَّـٰلِحِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/3/45-46 Quran 3:45–46] ** Translation: *** ˹Remember˺ when the angels proclaimed, "O Mary! Allah gives you good news of a Word from Him, his name will be the Messiah, [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], son of Mary; honoured in this world and the Hereafter, and he will be one of those nearest ˹to Allah˺. And he will speak to people in ˹his˺ infancy and adulthood and will be one of the righteous." **** [https://quran.com/3/45-46?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] *** And he will speak to the people when in the cradle and when of old age, and (he will be) one of the good ones.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|align=right|إِذْ قَالَ ٱللَّهُ يَـٰ[[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَىٰٓ]] إِنِّى مُتَوَفِّيكَ وَرَافِعُكَ إِلَىَّ وَمُطَهِّرُكَ مِنَ ٱلَّذِينَ كَفَرُوا۟ وَجَاعِلُ ٱلَّذِينَ ٱتَّبَعُوكَ فَوْقَ ٱلَّذِينَ كَفَرُوٓا۟ إِلَىٰ يَوْمِ ٱلْقِيَـٰمَةِ ۖ ثُمَّ إِلَىَّ مَرْجِعُكُمْ فَأَحْكُمُ بَيْنَكُمْ فِيمَا كُنتُمْ فِيهِ تَخْتَلِفُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/3/55 Quran 3:55] ([[w:Al Imran|The Family of Amram]], {{arabic|سورة آل عمران}}) ** Translations: *** ˹Remember˺ when Allah said, "O [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]]! I will take you and raise you up to Myself. I will deliver you from those who disbelieve, and elevate your followers above the disbelievers until the Day of Judgment. Then to Me you will ˹all˺ return, and I will settle all your disputes." **** [https://quran.com/3/55?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] *** And when Allah said: O Isa, [Jesus] I am going to terminate the period of your stay (on earth) and cause you to ascend unto Me and purify you of those who disbelieve and make those who follow you above those who disbelieve to the day of resurrection; then to Me shall be your return, so l will decide between you concerning that in which you differed.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|align=right|قُلْ ءَامَنَّا بِٱللَّهِ وَمَآ أُنزِلَ عَلَيْنَا وَمَآ أُنزِلَ عَلَىٰٓ إِبْرَٰهِيمَ وَإِسْمَـٰعِيلَ وَإِسْحَـٰقَ وَيَعْقُوبَ وَٱلْأَسْبَاطِ وَمَآ أُوتِىَ مُوسَىٰ وَ[[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَىٰ]] وَٱلنَّبِيُّونَ مِن رَّبِّهِمْ لَا نُفَرِّقُ بَيْنَ أَحَدٍۢ مِّنْهُمْ وَنَحْنُ لَهُۥ مُسْلِمُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/3/84 Quran 3:84] ** Translation: *** Say, ˹O Prophet,˺ "We believe in Allah and what has been revealed to us and what was revealed to Abraham, Ishmael, Isaac, Jacob, and his descendants; and what was given to Moses, [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], and other prophets from their Lord—we make no distinction between any of them, and to Him we ˹fully˺ submit." **** [https://quran.com/3/84?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|align=right|وَإِن مِّنْ أَهْلِ ٱلْكِتَـٰبِ إِلَّا لَيُؤْمِنَنَّ بِهِۦ قَبْلَ مَوْتِهِۦ ۖ وَيَوْمَ ٱلْقِيَـٰمَةِ [[w:Jesus in Islam|يَكُونُ]] عَلَيْهِمْ شَهِيدًۭا}} ** [https://quran.com/4/159 Quran 4:159] ** Translation: *** And on the Day of Judgment [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]] will be a witness against them. **** [https://quran.com/4/159?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|align=right|إِنَّآ أَوْحَيْنَآ إِلَيْكَ كَمَآ أَوْحَيْنَآ إِلَىٰ نُوحٍۢ وَٱلنَّبِيِّـۧنَ مِنۢ بَعْدِهِۦ ۚ وَأَوْحَيْنَآ إِلَىٰٓ إِبْرَٰهِيمَ وَإِسْمَـٰعِيلَ وَإِسْحَـٰقَ وَيَعْقُوبَ وَٱلْأَسْبَاطِ وَ[[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَىٰ]] وَأَيُّوبَ وَيُونُسَ وَهَـٰرُونَ وَسُلَيْمَـٰنَ}} ** [https://quran.com/4/163 Quran 4:163] ** Translation: *** Indeed, We have sent revelation to you ˹O Prophet˺ as We sent revelation to Noah and the prophets after him. We also sent revelation to Abraham, Ishmael, Isaac, Jacob, and his descendants, ˹as well as˺ [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], Job, Jonah, Aaron, and Solomon. **** [https://quran.com/4/163?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|align=right|وَقَفَّيْنَا عَلَىٰٓ ءَاثَـٰرِهِم بِ[[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَى]] ٱبْنِ مَرْيَمَ مُصَدِّقًۭا لِّمَا بَيْنَ يَدَيْهِ مِنَ ٱلتَّوْرَىٰةِ ۖ وَءَاتَيْنَـٰهُ ٱلْإِنجِيلَ فِيهِ هُدًۭى وَنُورٌۭ وَمُصَدِّقًۭا لِّمَا بَيْنَ يَدَيْهِ مِنَ ٱلتَّوْرَىٰةِ وَهُدًۭى وَمَوْعِظَةًۭ لِّلْمُتَّقِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/5/46 Quran 5:46] ** Translation: *** Then in the footsteps of the prophets, We sent [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], son of Mary, confirming the Torah revealed before him. And We gave him the Gospel containing guidance and light and confirming what was revealed in the Torah—a guide and a lesson to the God-fearing. **** [https://quran.com/5/46?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] *** And in the footsteps of the prophets caused we Jesus, the son of Mary, to follow, confirming the law which was before him; and we gave him the Evangel with its guidance and light, confirmatory of the preceding Law: a guidance and warning to those who fear God. **** ''Dictionary of Islam'' by T. P. Hughes * {{arabic|align=right|لَقَدْ كَفَرَ الَّذِينَ قَالُواْ إِنَّ اللّهَ هُوَالْمَسِيحُ ابْنُ مَرْيَمَ وَقَالَ الْمَسِيحُ يَا بَنِي إِسْرَائِيلَ اعْبُدُواْاللّهَ رَبِّي وَرَبَّكُمْ إِنَّهُ مَن يُشْرِكْ بِاللّهِ فَقَدْ حَرَّمَ اللّهُعَلَيهِالْجَنَّةَ وَمَأْوَاهُ النَّارُ وَمَا لِلظَّالِمِينَ مِنْ أَنصَارٍ <br /> لَّقَدْ كَفَرَ الَّذِينَ قَالُواْ إِنَّ اللّهَ ثَالِثُ ثَلاَثَةٍ وَمَا مِنْإِلَـهٍ إِلاَّ إِلَـهٌ وَاحِدٌ وَإِن لَّمْ يَنتَهُواْ عَمَّا يَقُولُونَ لَيَمَسَّنَّالَّذِينَ كَفَرُواْ مِنْهُمْ عَذَابٌ أَلِي}} ** [https://quran.com/5/72-73 Quran 5:72–73] ([[w:Al-Ma'ida|The Dinner Table]], {{arabic|سورة المائدة}}) ** Translation: *** Certainly they disbelieve who say: Surely Allah, He is the Messiah, son of Marium; and the Messiah said: O Children of Israel! serve Allah, my Lord and your Lord. Surely whoever associates (others) with Allah, then Allah has forbidden to him the garden, and his abode is the fire; and there shall be no helpers for the unjust. Certainly they disbelieve who say: Surely Allah is the third (person) of the three; and there is no god but the one God, and if they desist not from what they say, a painful chastisement shall befall those among them who disbelieve.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|align=right|وَإِذْ قَالَ اللّهُ يَا عِيسَى ابْنَ مَرْيَمَ أَأَنتَ قُلتَ لِلنَّاسِ اتَّخِذُونِيوَأُمِّيَ إِلَـهَيْنِ مِن دُونِ اللّهِ قَالَ سُبْحَانَكَ مَا يَكُونُ لِي أَنْأَقُولَ مَا لَيْسَ لِي بِحَقٍّ إِن كُنتُ قُلْتُهُ فَقَدْ عَلِمْتَهُ تَعْلَمُمَا فِينَفْسِي وَلاَ أَعْلَمُ مَا فِي نَفْسِكَ إِنَّكَ أَنتَ عَلاَّمُ الْغُيُوب}} ** [https://quran.com/5/116 Quran 5:116] ([[w:Al-Ma'ida|The Dinner Table]], {{arabic|سورة المائدة}}) ** Translation: *** And when Allah will say: O Isa son of Marium! [Jesus son of Mary] did you say to men, Take me and my mother for two gods besides Allah he will say: Glory be to Thee, it did not befit me that I should say what I had no right to (say); if I had said it, Thou wouldst indeed have known it; Thou knowest what is in my mind, and I do not know what is in Thy mind, surely Thou art the great Knower of the unseen things.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|align=right|فَأَتَتْ بِهِ قَوْمَهَا تَحْمِلُهُ قَالُوا يَا مَرْيَمُ لَقَدْ جِئْتِ شَيْئاًفَرِيّاً يَا أُخْتَ هَارُونَ مَا كَانَ أَبُوكِ امْرَأَ سَوْءٍ وَمَا كَانَتْأُمُّكِ بَغِيّاً فَأَشَارَتْ إِلَيْهِ قَالُوا كَيْفَ نُكَلِّمُ مَن كَانَفِيالْمَهْدِ صَبِيّاً قَالَ إِنِّي عَبْدُ اللَّهِ آتَانِيَ الْكِتَابَ وَجَعَلَنِينَبِيّاً وَجَعَلَنِي مُبَارَكاً أَيْنَ مَا كُنتُ وَأَوْصَانِي بِالصَّلَاةِوَالزَّكَاةِ مَا دُمْتُ حَيّاً وَبَرّاً بِوَالِدَتِي وَلَمْ يَجْعَلْنِيجَبَّاراً شَقِيّاً وَالسَّلَامُ عَلَيَّ يَوْمَ وُلِدتُّ وَيَوْمَ أَمُوتُوَيَوْمَ أُبْعَثُ حَيّاً ذَلِكَ عِيسَى ابْنُ مَرْيَمَ قَوْلَ الْحَقِّالَّذِي فِيهِ يَمْتَرُونَ مَا كَانَ لِلَّهِ أَن يَتَّخِذَ مِن وَلَدٍ سُبْحَانَهُإِذَا قَضَى أَمْراً فَإِنَّمَا يَقُولُ لَهُ كُن فَيَكُونُ وَإِنَّ اللَّهَرَبِّي وَرَبُّكُمْفَاعْبُدُوهُ هَذَا صِرَاطٌ مُّسْتَقِيمٌ فَاخْتَلَفَ الْأَحْزَابُ مِنبَيْنِهِمْ فَوَيْلٌ لِّلَّذِينَ كَفَرُوا مِن مَّشْهَدِ يَوْمٍ عَظِيمٍ أَسْمِعْ بِهِمْوَأَبْصِرْ يَوْمَ يَأْتُونَنَا لَكِنِ الظَّالِمُونَ الْيَوْمَ فِي ضَلَالٍ مُّبِينٍ وَأَنذِرْهُمْ يَوْمَ الْحَسْرَةِ إِذْ قُضِيَ الْأَمْرُ وَهُمْ فِي غَفْلَةٍوَهُمْ لَا يُؤْمِنُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/19/27-39 Quran 19:27–39] ([[w:Maryam|Maryam]], {{arabic|سورة مريم}}) ** Translation: *** Then she brought him to her own folk, carrying him. They said: O Mary! Thou hast come with an amazing thing. O sister of Aaron! Thy father was not a wicked man nor was thy mother a harlot. Then she pointed to him. They said: How can we talk to one who is in the cradle, a young boy? He spake: Lo! I am the slave of Allah. He hath given me the Scripture and hath appointed me a Prophet, And hath made me blessed wheresoever I may be, and hath enjoined upon me prayer and almsgiving so long as I remain alive, And (hath made me) dutiful toward her who bore me, and hath not made me arrogant, unblest. Peace on me the day I was born, and the day I die, and the day I shall be raised alive! Such was Jesus, son of Mary: (this is) a statement of the truth concerning which they doubt. It befitteth not (the Majesty of) Allah that He should take unto Himself a son. Glory be to Him! When He decreeth a thing, He saith unto it only: Be! and it is. And lo! Allah is my Lord and your Lord. So serve Him. That is the right path. The sects among them differ: but woe unto the disbelievers from the meeting of an awful Day. See and hear them on the Day they come unto Us! yet the evil-doers are today in error manifest. And warn them of the Day of anguish when the case hath been decided. Now they are in a state of carelessness, and they believe not.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|align=right|وَإِذْ أَخَذْنَا مِنَ ٱلنَّبِيِّـۧنَ مِيثَـٰقَهُمْ وَمِنكَ وَمِن نُّوحٍۢ وَإِبْرَٰهِيمَ وَمُوسَىٰ وَ[[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَى]] ٱبْنِ مَرْيَمَ ۖ وَأَخَذْنَا مِنْهُم مِّيثَـٰقًا غَلِيظًۭا لِّيَسْـَٔلَ ٱلصَّـٰدِقِينَ عَن صِدْقِهِمْ}} ** [https://quran.com/33/7-8 Quran 33:7–8] ** Translation: *** And ˹remember˺ when We took a covenant from the prophets, as well as from you ˹O Prophet˺, and from Noah, Abraham, Moses, and [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], son of Mary. We did take a solemn covenant from ˹all of˺ them so that He may question these men of truth about their ˹delivery of the˺ truth. **** [https://quran.com/33/7-8?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|align=right|شَرَعَ لَكُم مِّنَ ٱلدِّينِ مَا وَصَّىٰ بِهِۦ نُوحًۭا وَٱلَّذِىٓ أَوْحَيْنَآ إِلَيْكَ وَمَا وَصَّيْنَا بِهِۦٓ إِبْرَٰهِيمَ وَمُوسَىٰ وَ[[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَىٰٓ]] ۖ أَنْ أَقِيمُوا۟ ٱلدِّينَ وَلَا تَتَفَرَّقُوا۟ فِيهِ}} ** [https://quran.com/42/13 Quran 42:13] ** Translation: *** He has ordained for you ˹believers˺ the Way which He decreed for Noah, and what We have revealed to you ˹O Prophet˺ and what We decreed for Abraham, Moses, and [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], ˹commanding:˺ "Uphold the faith, and make no divisions in it." **** [https://quran.com/42/13?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|align=right|وَلَمَّا جَآءَ [[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَىٰ]] بِٱلْبَيِّنَـٰتِ قَالَ قَدْ جِئْتُكُم بِٱلْحِكْمَةِ وَلِأُبَيِّنَ لَكُم بَعْضَ ٱلَّذِى تَخْتَلِفُونَ فِيهِ ۖ فَٱتَّقُوا۟ ٱللَّهَ وَأَطِيعُونِ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ هُوَ رَبِّى وَرَبُّكُمْ فَٱعْبُدُوهُ ۚ هَـٰذَا صِرَٰطٌۭ مُّسْتَقِيمٌۭ}} ** [https://quran.com/43/63-64 Quran 43:63–64] ** Translation: *** When [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]] came with clear proofs, he declared, "I have come to you with wisdom, and to clarify to you some of what you differ about. So fear Allah, and obey me. Surely Allah ˹alone˺ is my Lord and your Lord, so worship Him ˹alone˺. This is the Straight Path." **** [https://quran.com/43/63-64?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|align=right|ثُمَّ قَفَّيْنَا عَلَىٰٓ ءَاثَـٰرِهِم بِرُسُلِنَا وَقَفَّيْنَا بِ[[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَى]] ٱبْنِ مَرْيَمَ وَءَاتَيْنَـٰهُ ٱلْإِنجِيلَ وَجَعَلْنَا فِى قُلُوبِ ٱلَّذِينَ ٱتَّبَعُوهُ رَأْفَةًۭ وَرَحْمَةًۭ}} ** [https://quran.com/57/27 Quran 57:27] ** Translation: *** Then in the footsteps of these ˹prophets˺, We sent Our messengers, and ˹after them˺ We sent [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], son of Mary, and granted him the Gospel, and instilled compassion and mercy into the hearts of his followers. **** [https://quran.com/57/27?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|align=right|وَإِذْ قَالَ عِيسَى ابْنُ مَرْيَمَ يَا بَنِي إِسْرَائِيلَ إِنِّي رَسُولُ اللَّهِإِلَيْكُم مُّصَدِّقاًلِّمَا بَيْنَ يَدَيَّ مِنَ التَّوْرَاةِ وَمُبَشِّراً بِرَسُولٍ يَأْتِي مِنبَعْدِي اسْمُهُ أَحْمَدُ فَلَمَّاجَاءهُم بِالْبَيِّنَاتِ قَالُوا هَذَا سِحْرٌ مُّبِينٌ}} ** [https://quran.com/61/6 Quran 61:6] ([[w:As-Saff|The Ranks]], {{arabic|سورة الصف}}) ** Translation: *** And when Isa son of Marium [Jesus son of Mary] said: O children of Israel! surely I am the apostle of Allah to you, verifying that which is before me of the Taurat and giving the good news of an Apostle who will come after me, his name being [[w:Ahmad (name)|Ahmad]] [Muhammad], but when he came to them with clear arguments they said: This is clear magic.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|align=right|يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ كُونُوٓا۟ أَنصَارَ ٱللَّهِ كَمَا قَالَ [[w:Jesus in Islam|عِيسَى]] ٱبْنُ مَرْيَمَ لِلْحَوَارِيِّـۧنَ مَنْ أَنصَارِىٓ إِلَى ٱللَّهِ ۖ قَالَ ٱلْحَوَارِيُّونَ نَحْنُ أَنصَارُ ٱللَّهِ ۖ فَـَٔامَنَت طَّآئِفَةٌۭ مِّنۢ بَنِىٓ إِسْرَٰٓءِيلَ وَكَفَرَت طَّآئِفَةٌۭ ۖ فَأَيَّدْنَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ عَلَىٰ عَدُوِّهِمْ فَأَصْبَحُوا۟ ظَـٰهِرِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/61/14 Quran 61:14] ** Translation: *** O believers! Stand up for Allah, as [[w:Jesus in Islam|Jesus]], son of Mary, asked the disciples, "Who will stand up with me for Allah?" The disciples replied, "We will stand up for Allah." Then a group from the Children of Israel believed while another disbelieved. We then supported the believers against their enemies, so they prevailed. **** [https://quran.com/61/14?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|align=right|بِسْمِ اللهِ ٱلرَّحْمَـٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيمِ قُلْ هُوَ اللَّهُ أَحَدٌ اللَّهُ الصَّمَدُ لَمْ يَلِدْوَلَمْ يُولَدْ وَلَمْ يَكُن لَّهُ كُفُواً أَحَدٌ}} ** [https://quran.com/112/1-4 Quran 112:1–4] ([[w:Al-Ikhlas|The Unity]], {{arabic|سورة الإخلاص}}) ** Translation: *** Say: He, Allah, is One. Allah is He on Whom all depend. He begets not, nor is He begotten. And none is like Him. ** Comments: *** This statement was declared as a rebuke to Christian doctrines of Jesus as the incarnation of God, and that God could beget a son that was his equal. * Surah ii. 254: "Some of the apostles we have endowed more highly than others: Those to whom God hath spoken. He hath raised to the loftiest grade, and to Jesus, son of Mary we gave manifest signs, and we strengthened him with the Holy Spirit. And if God had pleased, they who came after them would not have wrangled, after the clear signs had reached them. But into disputes they fell; some of them believed, and some were infidels; yet if God had pleased, they would not have thus wrangled; but God doth what he will." ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah iii. 37-42: "And remember when the angels said, 'O Mary! Verily hath God chosen thee, and purified thee, and chosen thee above the women of the worlds! O Mary! Be devout towards thy Lord, and prostrate thyself and bow down with those who bow.' This is one of the announcements of things unseen by thee: To thee, O Muhammad! do we reveal it; for thou wast not with them when they cast lots with reeds which of them should rear Mary: nor wast thou with them when they disputed about it. Remember when the angel said, "O mary! Verily God annnounceth to thee the Word from Him: His name shall be Messiah Jesus the son of Mary, illustrious in this world, and in the next, and one of those who have near access to God; and he shall speak to mean alike when in the cradle and when grown up; and he shall be one of the just.' She said, 'How, O my Lord? Shall I have a son, when man hath not touched me?' He said, 'Thus: God will create what He will; when He decreeth a thing He only saith, "Be," and it is.' And He will teach him the Book, and the Wisdom, and the Law, and the Evangel; and he shall be an apostle to the children of Israel." ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah iii. 44: "And I have come to attest the law which was before me; and to allow you part of that which had been forbidden you; and I come to you with a sign from your Lord; Fear God, then, and obey me; of a truth God is my Lord, and your Lord: Therefore worship Him. This is a right way." ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * She said: My Lord! How can I have a child when no mortal hath touched me? He said: So (it will be). Allah createth what He will. If He decreeth a thing, He saith unto it only: Be! and it is. <br /> And He will teach him the Scripture and wisdom, and the Torah and the Gospel, <br /> And will make him a messenger unto the Children of Israel, (saying): Lo! I come unto you with a sign from your Lord. Lo! I fashion for you out of clay the likeness of a bird, and I breathe into it and it is a bird, by Allah's leave. I heal him who was born blind, and the leper, and I raise the dead, by Allah's leave. And I announce unto you what ye eat and what ye store up in your houses. Lo! herein verily is a portent for you, if ye are to be believers. <br /> And (I come) confirming that which was before me of the Torah, and to make lawful some of that which was forbidden unto you. I come unto you with a sign from your Lord, so keep your duty to Allah and obey me. ** The [[Quran]] [https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/quran/3/index.htm Sura 3:47-50] as translated by [[w:Marmaduke Pickthall|Marmaduke Pickthall]] in ''[[w:The Meaning of the Glorious Koran|The Meaning of the Glorious Koran]]'' (1930) * Surah iii. 51, 52: "These signs, and this wise warning do we rehearse to thee. Verily, Jesus is as Adam in the sight of God. He created Him of dust: He then said to him, 'Be,' – and he was." ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah iii. 72, 73: "And some truly are there among them who torture the Scriptures with they tongues, in order that ye may suppose it to be from the Scripture, yet it is not from the Scripture. And they say, 'This is from God'; yet it is not from God; and they utter s lie against God, and they know they do so. It beseemeth not a man, that God should give his the Scriptures and the Wisdom, and the gift of prophecy, and that then he should say to his followers, 'Be ye worshipers of me, as well as of God'; but rather, 'Be ye perfect in things pertaining to God, since ye know the Scriptures, and have studied deep.'" ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah v. 76-69: "They misbelieve who say, 'Verily, God is the Messiah, the son of Mary'; but the Messiah said, 'O children of Israel! Worship God, my Lord and your Lord; verily, he who associates aught with God, God hath forbidden him Paradise, and his resort is the Fire, and the unjust shall have none to help them. They misbelieve who say, 'Verily God is the third of three, for there is no God but one; and if they do not desist from what they say, there shall touch those who misbelieve amongst them grievous woe. Will they not turn again towards God and ask pardon of Him? For God is forgiving and merciful.' The Messiah, the son of Mary, is only a prophet! Prophets before him have passed away; and his mother was a confessor; they used both to eat food. See how we explain to them the signs, yet see how they turn aside!" ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah lvii. 26, 27: "And of old sent we Noah and Abraham, and on their seed conferred the gift of prophecy, and the Book; and some of them we guided aright; but many were evil doers. Then we caused our apostles to follow in their footsteps; and we caused Jesus the son of Mary to follow them; and we gave him the Evangel and we put into the hearts of those who followed him kindness and compassion; but as to the monastic life, they invented it themselves. The desire only of pleasing God did we prescribe to them, and this they observed not as it ought to have been observed; but to such of them as believed gave we their reward, though many of them were perverse." ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah xix. 16-21: "And make mention in the Book, of Mary, when she went apart from her family, eastward, and took a veil to shroud herself from them: and We sent Our spirit to her, and he took before her the form of a perfect man. She said: 'I fly for refuge from thee to the God of Mercy! If thou fearest Him, begone from me.' He said: 'I am only a messenger of they Lord, that I may bestow on thee a holy son.' She said: 'How shall I have a son, when man hath never touched me? And I am not unchaste.' He said: 'So shall it be. Thy Lord hath said: "Easy is this with me; and we will make him a sign to mankind and a mercy from us. For it is a thing decreed."'" ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah lxi. 6: "And remember when Jesus the son of Mary said, 'O children of Israel! Of a truth I am God's apostle to you to confirm the law which was given before me, and to announce an apostle that shall come after me whose name shall be Ahmad! But when he (Ahmad) presented himself with clear proofs of his mission, they said, 'This is manifest sorcery!" ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah xxiii. 52: "And we appointed the Son and his Mother for a sign; and we prepared an abode in a lofty spot, quiet and watered with springs." ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah v. 112-115: "Remember when the Apostles said: 'O Jesus, Son of Mary! Is thy Lord able to send down a furnished table to us out of Heaven?' He said: 'Fear God if ye be believers.' They said: 'We desire to eat therefrom, and to have our hearts assured; and to know that thou hast indeed spoken truth to us, and to be witnesses thereof.' Jesus, Son of Mary, said: 'O God our Lord! Send down a table to us out of Heaven, that it may become a recurring festival to us, to the first of us and to the last of us, and a sign from thee; and do thou nourish us, for thou art the best of nourishers.' And God said: 'Verily, I will cause it to descend unto you; but whoever among you after that shall disbelieve, I will surely chastise him with a chastisement wherewith I will not chastise any other creature. ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah v. 19: "Infidels now are they who say, 'Verily God is Messiah Ibn Maryam (son of Mary)! SAY: And who could aught obtain from God, if he chose to destroy the Messiah Ibn Maryam, and his mother, and all who are on the earth together?'" ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah vi. 85: "And Zachariah, John, Jesus, and Elias: all were just persons." ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah ix. 30: "The Jews say Ezra is the Son of God; and the Christians say that the Messiah is the Son of God; that is what they say with their mouths imitating the sayings of those who misbelieve before - God fight them! - How they lie!" ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Then she conceived him; and withdrew with him to a remote place. ‏And the throes of childbirth drove her to the trunk of a palm-tree. She said: Oh, would that I had died before this, and had been a thing quite forgotten! ‏So a voice came to her from beneath her: Grieve not, surely thy Lord has provided a stream beneath thee. ‏ And shake towards thee the trunk of the palm-tree, it will drop on thee fresh ripe dates. ‏So eat and drink and cool the eye. Then if thou seest any mortal, say: Surely I have vowed a fast to the Beneficent, so I will not speak to any man to-day. ** Qur'an 19:22-26 * But she pointed to him. They said: How should we speak to one who is a child in the cradle? He said: I am indeed a servant of Allah. He has given me the Book and made me a prophet. And He has made me blessed wherever I may be, and He has enjoined on me prayer and poor-rate so long as I live: ** Qur'an 19:29-31 * Surah xliii. 57-65: "And when the Son of Mary was set forth as an instance of divine power, lo! Thy people cried out for joy thereat: And they said, "Are our god or is he the better?' They put this forth to thee only in the spirit of dispute. Yea. They are a contentious people. Jesus is no more than a servant whom we favored, and proposed as an instance of divine power to the children of Israel; and if we pleased, we could from yourselves bring forth Angels to succeed you on earth; and he shall be a sign of the last hour; doubt not then of it, and follow ye me: this is the right way; and let not Satan turn you aside from it, for he is your manifest foe. And when Jesus came with manifest proofs, he said, 'Now am I come to you with wisdom; and a part of those things about which ye are at variance I will clear up to you; fear ye God, therefore, and obey me. Verily, God is my Lord and your Lord; wherefore, worship ye him: this is a right way.' But the different parties fell into disputes among themselves; but woe to those who thus transgressed, because of the punishment of an afflictive day!" ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. * Surah xix. 35, 36: "That is Jesus, the son of Mary, the word of truth (Qaulu 'l-Haqq), whereon ye do dispute! God could not take to Himself a son! Celebrated be His praise! When He decrees a matter He only say to it 'BE,' and it is; and verily God is my Lord and your Lord, so worship Him: this is the right way. But the sects have differed among themselves." ** Quoted from T.P. Hughes: ''Dictionary of Islam''. === Hadith === : <small>[[Wikisource:Hadith|Hadith]] in Wikisource</small> * The Prophet said, "On the night of my Ascent to the Heaven, I saw Moses who was a tall brown curly-haired man as if he was one of the men of Shan'awa tribe, and I saw Jesus, a man of medium height and moderate complexion inclined to the red and white colors and of lank hair. I also saw Malik, the gate-keeper of the (Hell) Fire and [[w:Dajjal|Ad-Dajjal]] [the [[w:Antichrist|Antichrist]]] amongst the signs which Allah showed me." ** [[w:Hadith|Hadith]], translation of [[Sahih Bukhari|Sahih Bukhari]], [https://www.usc.edu/dept/MSA/fundamentals/hadithsunnah/bukhari/054.sbt.html#004.054.462 Volume 4, Book 54, Number 462] * Allah's Apostle said, "How will you be when the son of Mary ([[w:Jesus Christ|Jesus]]) descends amongst you and he will judge people by the Law of the Qur'an and not by the law of Gospel?" ** [[w:Hadith|Hadith]], translation of [[w:Sahih Bukhari|Sahih Bukhari]], [https://www.usc.edu/dept/MSA/fundamentals/hadithsunnah/bukhari/055.sbt.html#004.055.554 Volume 4, Book 55, Number 65] * The Prophet said, "On the Day of Resurrection the Believers will assemble and say, 'Let us ask somebody to intercede for us with our Lord.' ... 'Go to Jesus, Allah's Slave, His Apostle and Allah's Word and a Spirit coming from Him.' Jesus will say, 'I am not fit for this undertaking, go to Muhammad the Slave of Allah whose past and future sins were forgiven by Allah.' So they will come to me and I will proceed till I will ask my Lord's Permission and I will be given permission. ** [[w:Hadith|Hadith]], translation of [[w:Sahih Bukhari|Sahih Bukhari]], [https://www.usc.edu/dept/MSA/fundamentals/hadithsunnah/bukhari/060.sbt.html#006.060.149 Volume 6, Book 50, Number 3] * By Him in Whose hand is my life, the son of Mary will soon descend among you as a just judge. He will break crosses, kill swine and abolish Jizya and the wealth will pour forth to such an extent that no one will accept it. ** [[Hadith]], translation of [[w:Sahih Bukhari|Sahih Bukhari]], [https://sunnah.com/muslim/1/296 Book 1, Hadith 296] === The Dome of the Rock === : ''This section cites inscriptions from the Dome of the Rock ({{arabic|مسجد قبة الصخرة}}).'' [[File:Dehio 10 Dome of the Rock Floor plan.jpg|thumb|Oh God, bless Your Messenger and Your servant Jesus son of Mary. Peace be on him the day he was born, and the day he dies, and the day he shall be raised alive! <!-- Floor plan for the octagonal arcade of [[w:The Dome of the Rock|The Dome of the Rock]] ({{arabic|مسجد قبة الصخرة}}) in Jerusalem (built 692 CE), which contains numerous inscriptions that refer to Jesus -->]] * "O People of the Book! Do not exaggerate in your religion nor utter aught concerning God save the truth. The Messiah, Jesus son of Mary, was only a Messenger of God, and His Word which He conveyed unto Mary, and a spirit from Him. So believe in God and His messengers, and say not 'Three' — Cease! (it is better for you! — God is only One God. Far be it removed from His transcendent majesty that He should have a son. His is all that is in the heavens and all that is in the earth. And God is sufficient as Defender." (Quran 4:171) ** [[w:Islam|Islamic]] inscription in the east-northeast inner octagonal arcade of the [[w:Dome of the Rock|Dome of the Rock]], Jerusalem (692 CE), [link to [https://www.islamic-awareness.org/History/Islam/Inscriptions/DoTR.html full text and translation]] * Oh God, bless Your Messenger and Your servant Jesus son of Mary. Peace be on him the day he was born, and the day he dies, and the day he shall be raised alive! Such was Jesus, son of Mary, (this is) a statement of the truth concerning which they doubt. ** [[w:Islam|Islamic]] inscription in the north-northwest inner octagonal arcade of the [[w:Dome of the Rock|Dome of the Rock]], Jerusalem (692 CE), [link to [https://www.islamic-awareness.org/History/Islam/Inscriptions/DoTR.html full text and translation]] * It befitteth not (the Majesty of) God that He should take unto Himself a son. Glory be to Him! When He decreeth a thing, He saith unto it only: Be! and it is. Lo! God is my Lord and your Lord. So serve Him. That is the right path. God (Himself) is witness that there is no God save Him. ** [[w:Islam|Islamic]] inscription in the northwest-west inner octagonal arcade of the [[w:Dome of the Rock|Dome of the Rock]], Jerusalem (692 CE), [link to [https://www.islamic-awareness.org/History/Islam/Inscriptions/DoTR.html full text and translation]] * There is no god but God. He is One. Praise be to God, Who hath not taken unto Himself a son, and Who hath no partner in the Sovereignty, nor hath He any protecting friend through dependence. ** [[w:Islam|Islamic]] inscription in the west-northwest inner octagonal arcade of the [[w:Dome of the Rock|Dome of the Rock]], Jerusalem (692 CE), [link to [https://www.islamic-awareness.org/History/Islam/Inscriptions/DoTR.html full text and translation]] === Commentary === * According to most classical Muslim commentators the Quran teaches that Jesus did not die. On the day of the crucifixion [[w:Islamic views on Jesus's death#Substitution interpretation|another person]] – whether his disciple or his betrayer – was miraculously transformed and assumed the appearance of Jesus. He was taken away, crucified, and killed, while Jesus was assumed body and soul into heaven. Most critical scholars accept that this is indeed the Quran's teaching, even if the Quran states explicitly only that the Jews did not kill Jesus. ** Gabriel S. Reynolds: [https://doi.org/10.1017%2FS0041977X09000500 "The Muslim Jesus: Dead or Alive?"] ([https://www3.nd.edu/~reynolds/index_files/jesus%20dead%20or%20alive.pdf PDF]). ''Bulletin of the School of Oriental and African Studies'', University of London. Cambridge University Press, May 2009. == See also == * [[Jesus#The Qur'an and the Hadith|Jesus § The Qur'an and the Hadith]] * [[Quran]] == External links == {{wikipedia|Jesus in the Quran}} * [https://quran.com/search?page=1&q=jesus&translations=131 Search for "Jesus" at Quran.com] * [https://search-the-quran.com/search/Jesus Search for "Jesus" at Search-the-Quran.com] [[Category:Quran]] [[Category:Islam]] [[Category:Jesus]] [[Category:Biblical people in Islam]] [[Category:Prophets of Islam]] rd4oecezbznhhtrkgwhlwhje0fm0v3i 0 252006 3779121 3648358 2025-07-15T11:50:26Z SolarisQ 3137151 Formatting 3779121 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Mohammed´s Paradise.jpg|thumb|right|A [[w:Persian miniature|Persian miniature]] depicting paradise. From ''The History of Mohammed'', [[w:Bibliothèque nationale de France|Bibliothèque nationale de France]], Paris.]] '''''[[w:Jannah|Jannah]]''''' (Arabic: [[Wiktionary:جنة|جَنّة]]) is the [[Quran|Quranic]] term for [[Heaven]]. This page quotes from the most prominent Quranic passages about ''Jannah''. The translation used is ''[[w:The Clear Quran|The Clear Quran]]'' by Dr. Mustafa Khattab, and the links go to [http://quran.com/ Quran.com], which provides additional translations. For more information, refer to the Wikipedia article on ''[[w:Jannah|Jannah]]''. == Quotes == === Quran === * '''وَبَشِّرِ ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ وَعَمِلُوا۟ ٱلصَّـٰلِحَـٰتِ أَنَّ لَهُمْ جَنَّـٰتٍۢ تَجْرِى مِن تَحْتِهَا ٱلْأَنْهَـٰرُ ۖ كُلَّمَا رُزِقُوا۟ مِنْهَا مِن ثَمَرَةٍۢ رِّزْقًۭا ۙ قَالُوا۟ هَـٰذَا ٱلَّذِى رُزِقْنَا مِن قَبْلُ ۖ وَأُتُوا۟ بِهِۦ مُتَشَـٰبِهًۭا''' ** [http://quran.com/2/25 Quran 2:25] ** Translation: *** Give good news ˹O Prophet˺ to those who believe and do good that they will have Gardens under which rivers flow. Whenever provided with fruit, they will say, "This is what we were given before," for they will be served fruit that looks similar ˹but tastes different˺. **** [http://quran.com/2/25?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''وَٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ وَعَمِلُوا۟ ٱلصَّـٰلِحَـٰتِ لَا نُكَلِّفُ نَفْسًا إِلَّا وُسْعَهَآ أُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ أَصْحَـٰبُ ٱلْجَنَّةِ ۖ هُمْ فِيهَا خَـٰلِدُونَ وَنَزَعْنَا مَا فِى صُدُورِهِم مِّنْ غِلٍّۢ تَجْرِى مِن تَحْتِهِمُ ٱلْأَنْهَـٰرُ ۖ وَقَالُوا۟ ٱلْحَمْدُ [[Allah|لِلَّهِ]] ٱلَّذِى هَدَىٰنَا لِهَـٰذَا وَمَا كُنَّا لِنَهْتَدِىَ لَوْلَآ أَنْ هَدَىٰنَا ٱللَّهُ ۖ لَقَدْ جَآءَتْ رُسُلُ رَبِّنَا بِٱلْحَقِّ ۖ وَنُودُوٓا۟ أَن تِلْكُمُ ٱلْجَنَّةُ أُورِثْتُمُوهَا بِمَا كُنتُمْ تَعْمَلُونَ''' ** [http://quran.com/7/42-43 Quran 7:42–43] ** Translation: *** As for those who believe and do good—We never require of any soul more than what it can afford—it is they who will be the residents of Paradise. They will be there forever. We will remove whatever bitterness they had in their hearts. Rivers will flow under their feet. And they will say, "Praise be to [[Allah]] for guiding us to this. We would have never been guided if Allah had not guided us. The messengers of our Lord had certainly come with the truth." It will be announced to them, "This is Paradise awarded to you for what you used to do." **** [http://quran.com/7/42-43?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''إِنَّ ٱلْمُتَّقِينَ فِى جَنَّـٰتٍۢ وَعُيُونٍ ٱدْخُلُوهَا بِسَلَـٰمٍ ءَامِنِينَ وَنَزَعْنَا مَا فِى صُدُورِهِم مِّنْ غِلٍّ إِخْوَٰنًا عَلَىٰ سُرُرٍۢ مُّتَقَـٰبِلِينَ لَا يَمَسُّهُمْ فِيهَا نَصَبٌۭ وَمَا هُم مِّنْهَا بِمُخْرَجِينَ''' ** [http://quran.com/15/45-48 Quran 15:45–48] ** Translation: *** Indeed, the righteous will be amid Gardens and springs. ˹It will be said to them,˺ "Enter in peace and security." We will remove whatever bitterness they had in their hearts. In a friendly manner, they will be on thrones, facing one another. No fatigue will touch them there, nor will they ever be asked to leave. **** [http://quran.com/15/45-48?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''إِنَّ [[Allah|ٱللَّهَ]] يُدْخِلُ ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ وَعَمِلُوا۟ ٱلصَّـٰلِحَـٰتِ جَنَّـٰتٍۢ تَجْرِى مِن تَحْتِهَا ٱلْأَنْهَـٰرُ يُحَلَّوْنَ فِيهَا مِنْ أَسَاوِرَ مِن ذَهَبٍۢ وَلُؤْلُؤًۭا ۖ وَلِبَاسُهُمْ فِيهَا حَرِيرٌۭ وَهُدُوٓا۟ إِلَى ٱلطَّيِّبِ مِنَ ٱلْقَوْلِ وَهُدُوٓا۟ إِلَىٰ صِرَٰطِ ٱلْحَمِيدِ''' ** [http://quran.com/22/23-24 Quran 22:23–24] ** Translation: *** ˹But˺ [[Allah]] will surely admit those who believe and do good into Gardens, under which rivers flow, where they will be adorned with bracelets of gold and pearls, and their clothing will be silk, for they have been guided to the best of speech, and they have been guided to the Commendable Path. **** [http://quran.com/22/23-24?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''أُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ لَهُمْ رِزْقٌۭ مَّعْلُومٌۭ فَوَٰكِهُ ۖ وَهُم مُّكْرَمُونَ فِى جَنَّـٰتِ ٱلنَّعِيمِ عَلَىٰ سُرُرٍۢ مُّتَقَـٰبِلِينَ يُطَافُ عَلَيْهِم بِكَأْسٍۢ مِّن مَّعِينٍۭ بَيْضَآءَ لَذَّةٍۢ لِّلشَّـٰرِبِينَ لَا فِيهَا غَوْلٌۭ وَلَا هُمْ عَنْهَا يُنزَفُونَ''' ** [http://quran.com/37/41-47 Quran 37:41–47] ** Translation: *** They will have a known provision: fruits ˹of every type˺. And they will be honoured in the Gardens of Bliss, facing each other on thrones. A drink ˹of pure wine˺ will be passed around to them from a flowing stream: crystal-white, delicious to drink. It will neither harm ˹them˺, nor will they be intoxicated by it. **** [http://quran.com/37/48-49?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''وَإِنَّ لِلْمُتَّقِينَ لَحُسْنَ مَـَٔابٍۢ جَنَّـٰتِ عَدْنٍۢ مُّفَتَّحَةًۭ لَّهُمُ ٱلْأَبْوَٰبُ مُتَّكِـِٔينَ فِيهَا يَدْعُونَ فِيهَا بِفَـٰكِهَةٍۢ كَثِيرَةٍۢ وَشَرَابٍۢ ** [http://quran.com/38/49-51 Quran 38:49–51] ** Translation: *** And the righteous will certainly have an honourable destination: the Gardens of Eternity, whose gates will be open for them. There they will recline, calling for abundant fruit and drink. **** [http://quran.com/38/49-51?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''إِنَّ ٱلْمُتَّقِينَ فِى مَقَامٍ أَمِينٍۢ فِى جَنَّـٰتٍۢ وَعُيُونٍۢ يَلْبَسُونَ مِن سُندُسٍۢ وَإِسْتَبْرَقٍۢ مُّتَقَـٰبِلِينَ كَذَٰلِكَ''' ** [http://quran.com/44/51-54 Quran 44:51–54] ** Translation: *** Indeed, the righteous will be in a secure place, amid Gardens and springs, dressed in fine silk and rich brocade, facing one another. So it will be. **** [http://quran.com/44/51-54?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''وَلِمَنْ خَافَ مَقَامَ رَبِّهِۦ جَنَّتَانِ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ ذَوَاتَآ أَفْنَانٍۢ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ فِيهِمَا عَيْنَانِ تَجْرِيَانِ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ فِيهِمَا مِن كُلِّ فَـٰكِهَةٍۢ زَوْجَانِ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ مُتَّكِـِٔينَ عَلَىٰ فُرُشٍۭ بَطَآئِنُهَا مِنْ إِسْتَبْرَقٍۢ ۚ وَجَنَى ٱلْجَنَّتَيْنِ دَانٍۢ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ''' ** [http://quran.com/55/46-55 Quran 55:46–55] ** Translation: *** And whoever is in awe of standing before their Lord will have two Gardens. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? ˹Both will be˺ with lush branches. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? In each ˹Garden˺ will be two flowing springs. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? In each will be two types of every fruit. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? Those ˹believers˺ will recline on furnishings lined with rich brocade. And the fruit of both Gardens will hang within reach. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? **** [http://quran.com/55/46-55?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''وَمِن دُونِهِمَا جَنَّتَانِ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ مُدْهَآمَّتَانِ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ فِيهِمَا عَيْنَانِ نَضَّاخَتَانِ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ فِيهِمَا فَـٰكِهَةٌۭ وَنَخْلٌۭ وَرُمَّانٌۭ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ''' ** [http://quran.com/55/62-69 Quran 55:62–69] ** Translation: *** And below these two ˹Gardens˺ will be two others. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? Both will be dark green. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? In each will be two gushing springs. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? In both will be fruit, palm trees, and pomegranates. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? **** [http://quran.com/55/62-69?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''وَٱلسَّـٰبِقُونَ ٱلسَّـٰبِقُونَ أُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ ٱلْمُقَرَّبُونَ فِى جَنَّـٰتِ ٱلنَّعِيمِ ثُلَّةٌۭ مِّنَ ٱلْأَوَّلِينَ وَقَلِيلٌۭ مِّنَ ٱلْـَٔاخِرِينَ عَلَىٰ سُرُرٍۢ مَّوْضُونَةٍۢ مُّتَّكِـِٔينَ عَلَيْهَا مُتَقَـٰبِلِينَ''' ** [http://quran.com/56/10-16 Quran 56:10–16] ** Translation: *** The foremost ˹in faith˺ will be the foremost ˹in Paradise˺. They are the ones nearest ˹to [[Allah]]˺, in the Gardens of Bliss. ˹They will be˺ a multitude from earlier generations and a few from later generations. ˹All will be˺ on jewelled thrones, reclining face to face. **** [http://quran.com/56/10-16?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''لَا يَسْمَعُونَ فِيهَا لَغْوًۭا وَلَا تَأْثِيمًا إِلَّا قِيلًۭا سَلَـٰمًۭا سَلَـٰمًۭا وَأَصْحَـٰبُ ٱلْيَمِينِ مَآ أَصْحَـٰبُ ٱلْيَمِينِ فِى سِدْرٍۢ مَّخْضُودٍۢ وَطَلْحٍۢ مَّنضُودٍۢ وَظِلٍّۢ مَّمْدُودٍۢ وَمَآءٍۢ مَّسْكُوبٍۢ وَفَـٰكِهَةٍۢ كَثِيرَةٍۢ لَّا مَقْطُوعَةٍۢ وَلَا مَمْنُوعَةٍۢ وَفُرُشٍۢ مَّرْفُوعَةٍ''' ** [http://quran.com/56/25-34 Quran 56:25–34] ** Translation: *** There they will never hear any idle or sinful talk—only good and virtuous speech. And the people of the right—how ˹blessed˺ will they be! ˹They will be˺ amid thornless lote trees, clusters of bananas, extended shade, flowing water, abundant fruit—never out of season nor forbidden—and elevated furnishings. **** [http://quran.com/56/25-34?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] === Commentary === * In [[w:Jannah|Jannah]] [paradise] there are a hundred grades which [[Allah]] has prepared for those who fight in His Cause [mujahidin]; and the distance between any two of those grades is like the distance between the heaven and the earth. ** Al-Nawawi, Riyad-us-Saliheen , Muhammad Amin Abu Usamah Al-Arabi bin Razduq, trans. (Riyadh: Darussalam, 1999), book 11, ch. 16, no. 300. == See also == * [[Heaven]] * [[Houri]] * [[Jahannam]] * [[Paradise]] * [[Quran]] == External links == {{wikipedia|Jannah}} * [http://quran.com/search?page=1&q=heaven&translations=131 Search for "heaven" at Quran.com] * [http://search-the-quran.com/search/heaven Search for "heaven" at Search-the-Quran.com] [[Category:Quran]] 2l3w2t6flj09ny4uznlxnv6ao71kx3s 3779122 3779121 2025-07-15T11:50:45Z SolarisQ 3137151 HTTPS links 3779122 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Mohammed´s Paradise.jpg|thumb|right|A [[w:Persian miniature|Persian miniature]] depicting paradise. From ''The History of Mohammed'', [[w:Bibliothèque nationale de France|Bibliothèque nationale de France]], Paris.]] '''''[[w:Jannah|Jannah]]''''' (Arabic: [[Wiktionary:جنة|جَنّة]]) is the [[Quran|Quranic]] term for [[Heaven]]. This page quotes from the most prominent Quranic passages about ''Jannah''. The translation used is ''[[w:The Clear Quran|The Clear Quran]]'' by Dr. Mustafa Khattab, and the links go to [https://quran.com/ Quran.com], which provides additional translations. For more information, refer to the Wikipedia article on ''[[w:Jannah|Jannah]]''. == Quotes == === Quran === * '''وَبَشِّرِ ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ وَعَمِلُوا۟ ٱلصَّـٰلِحَـٰتِ أَنَّ لَهُمْ جَنَّـٰتٍۢ تَجْرِى مِن تَحْتِهَا ٱلْأَنْهَـٰرُ ۖ كُلَّمَا رُزِقُوا۟ مِنْهَا مِن ثَمَرَةٍۢ رِّزْقًۭا ۙ قَالُوا۟ هَـٰذَا ٱلَّذِى رُزِقْنَا مِن قَبْلُ ۖ وَأُتُوا۟ بِهِۦ مُتَشَـٰبِهًۭا''' ** [https://quran.com/2/25 Quran 2:25] ** Translation: *** Give good news ˹O Prophet˺ to those who believe and do good that they will have Gardens under which rivers flow. Whenever provided with fruit, they will say, "This is what we were given before," for they will be served fruit that looks similar ˹but tastes different˺. **** [https://quran.com/2/25?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''وَٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ وَعَمِلُوا۟ ٱلصَّـٰلِحَـٰتِ لَا نُكَلِّفُ نَفْسًا إِلَّا وُسْعَهَآ أُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ أَصْحَـٰبُ ٱلْجَنَّةِ ۖ هُمْ فِيهَا خَـٰلِدُونَ وَنَزَعْنَا مَا فِى صُدُورِهِم مِّنْ غِلٍّۢ تَجْرِى مِن تَحْتِهِمُ ٱلْأَنْهَـٰرُ ۖ وَقَالُوا۟ ٱلْحَمْدُ [[Allah|لِلَّهِ]] ٱلَّذِى هَدَىٰنَا لِهَـٰذَا وَمَا كُنَّا لِنَهْتَدِىَ لَوْلَآ أَنْ هَدَىٰنَا ٱللَّهُ ۖ لَقَدْ جَآءَتْ رُسُلُ رَبِّنَا بِٱلْحَقِّ ۖ وَنُودُوٓا۟ أَن تِلْكُمُ ٱلْجَنَّةُ أُورِثْتُمُوهَا بِمَا كُنتُمْ تَعْمَلُونَ''' ** [https://quran.com/7/42-43 Quran 7:42–43] ** Translation: *** As for those who believe and do good—We never require of any soul more than what it can afford—it is they who will be the residents of Paradise. They will be there forever. We will remove whatever bitterness they had in their hearts. Rivers will flow under their feet. And they will say, "Praise be to [[Allah]] for guiding us to this. We would have never been guided if Allah had not guided us. The messengers of our Lord had certainly come with the truth." It will be announced to them, "This is Paradise awarded to you for what you used to do." **** [https://quran.com/7/42-43?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''إِنَّ ٱلْمُتَّقِينَ فِى جَنَّـٰتٍۢ وَعُيُونٍ ٱدْخُلُوهَا بِسَلَـٰمٍ ءَامِنِينَ وَنَزَعْنَا مَا فِى صُدُورِهِم مِّنْ غِلٍّ إِخْوَٰنًا عَلَىٰ سُرُرٍۢ مُّتَقَـٰبِلِينَ لَا يَمَسُّهُمْ فِيهَا نَصَبٌۭ وَمَا هُم مِّنْهَا بِمُخْرَجِينَ''' ** [https://quran.com/15/45-48 Quran 15:45–48] ** Translation: *** Indeed, the righteous will be amid Gardens and springs. ˹It will be said to them,˺ "Enter in peace and security." We will remove whatever bitterness they had in their hearts. In a friendly manner, they will be on thrones, facing one another. No fatigue will touch them there, nor will they ever be asked to leave. **** [https://quran.com/15/45-48?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''إِنَّ [[Allah|ٱللَّهَ]] يُدْخِلُ ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ وَعَمِلُوا۟ ٱلصَّـٰلِحَـٰتِ جَنَّـٰتٍۢ تَجْرِى مِن تَحْتِهَا ٱلْأَنْهَـٰرُ يُحَلَّوْنَ فِيهَا مِنْ أَسَاوِرَ مِن ذَهَبٍۢ وَلُؤْلُؤًۭا ۖ وَلِبَاسُهُمْ فِيهَا حَرِيرٌۭ وَهُدُوٓا۟ إِلَى ٱلطَّيِّبِ مِنَ ٱلْقَوْلِ وَهُدُوٓا۟ إِلَىٰ صِرَٰطِ ٱلْحَمِيدِ''' ** [https://quran.com/22/23-24 Quran 22:23–24] ** Translation: *** ˹But˺ [[Allah]] will surely admit those who believe and do good into Gardens, under which rivers flow, where they will be adorned with bracelets of gold and pearls, and their clothing will be silk, for they have been guided to the best of speech, and they have been guided to the Commendable Path. **** [https://quran.com/22/23-24?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''أُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ لَهُمْ رِزْقٌۭ مَّعْلُومٌۭ فَوَٰكِهُ ۖ وَهُم مُّكْرَمُونَ فِى جَنَّـٰتِ ٱلنَّعِيمِ عَلَىٰ سُرُرٍۢ مُّتَقَـٰبِلِينَ يُطَافُ عَلَيْهِم بِكَأْسٍۢ مِّن مَّعِينٍۭ بَيْضَآءَ لَذَّةٍۢ لِّلشَّـٰرِبِينَ لَا فِيهَا غَوْلٌۭ وَلَا هُمْ عَنْهَا يُنزَفُونَ''' ** [https://quran.com/37/41-47 Quran 37:41–47] ** Translation: *** They will have a known provision: fruits ˹of every type˺. And they will be honoured in the Gardens of Bliss, facing each other on thrones. A drink ˹of pure wine˺ will be passed around to them from a flowing stream: crystal-white, delicious to drink. It will neither harm ˹them˺, nor will they be intoxicated by it. **** [https://quran.com/37/48-49?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''وَإِنَّ لِلْمُتَّقِينَ لَحُسْنَ مَـَٔابٍۢ جَنَّـٰتِ عَدْنٍۢ مُّفَتَّحَةًۭ لَّهُمُ ٱلْأَبْوَٰبُ مُتَّكِـِٔينَ فِيهَا يَدْعُونَ فِيهَا بِفَـٰكِهَةٍۢ كَثِيرَةٍۢ وَشَرَابٍۢ ** [https://quran.com/38/49-51 Quran 38:49–51] ** Translation: *** And the righteous will certainly have an honourable destination: the Gardens of Eternity, whose gates will be open for them. There they will recline, calling for abundant fruit and drink. **** [https://quran.com/38/49-51?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''إِنَّ ٱلْمُتَّقِينَ فِى مَقَامٍ أَمِينٍۢ فِى جَنَّـٰتٍۢ وَعُيُونٍۢ يَلْبَسُونَ مِن سُندُسٍۢ وَإِسْتَبْرَقٍۢ مُّتَقَـٰبِلِينَ كَذَٰلِكَ''' ** [https://quran.com/44/51-54 Quran 44:51–54] ** Translation: *** Indeed, the righteous will be in a secure place, amid Gardens and springs, dressed in fine silk and rich brocade, facing one another. So it will be. **** [https://quran.com/44/51-54?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''وَلِمَنْ خَافَ مَقَامَ رَبِّهِۦ جَنَّتَانِ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ ذَوَاتَآ أَفْنَانٍۢ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ فِيهِمَا عَيْنَانِ تَجْرِيَانِ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ فِيهِمَا مِن كُلِّ فَـٰكِهَةٍۢ زَوْجَانِ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ مُتَّكِـِٔينَ عَلَىٰ فُرُشٍۭ بَطَآئِنُهَا مِنْ إِسْتَبْرَقٍۢ ۚ وَجَنَى ٱلْجَنَّتَيْنِ دَانٍۢ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ''' ** [https://quran.com/55/46-55 Quran 55:46–55] ** Translation: *** And whoever is in awe of standing before their Lord will have two Gardens. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? ˹Both will be˺ with lush branches. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? In each ˹Garden˺ will be two flowing springs. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? In each will be two types of every fruit. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? Those ˹believers˺ will recline on furnishings lined with rich brocade. And the fruit of both Gardens will hang within reach. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? **** [https://quran.com/55/46-55?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''وَمِن دُونِهِمَا جَنَّتَانِ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ مُدْهَآمَّتَانِ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ فِيهِمَا عَيْنَانِ نَضَّاخَتَانِ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ فِيهِمَا فَـٰكِهَةٌۭ وَنَخْلٌۭ وَرُمَّانٌۭ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ''' ** [https://quran.com/55/62-69 Quran 55:62–69] ** Translation: *** And below these two ˹Gardens˺ will be two others. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? Both will be dark green. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? In each will be two gushing springs. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? In both will be fruit, palm trees, and pomegranates. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? **** [https://quran.com/55/62-69?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''وَٱلسَّـٰبِقُونَ ٱلسَّـٰبِقُونَ أُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ ٱلْمُقَرَّبُونَ فِى جَنَّـٰتِ ٱلنَّعِيمِ ثُلَّةٌۭ مِّنَ ٱلْأَوَّلِينَ وَقَلِيلٌۭ مِّنَ ٱلْـَٔاخِرِينَ عَلَىٰ سُرُرٍۢ مَّوْضُونَةٍۢ مُّتَّكِـِٔينَ عَلَيْهَا مُتَقَـٰبِلِينَ''' ** [https://quran.com/56/10-16 Quran 56:10–16] ** Translation: *** The foremost ˹in faith˺ will be the foremost ˹in Paradise˺. They are the ones nearest ˹to [[Allah]]˺, in the Gardens of Bliss. ˹They will be˺ a multitude from earlier generations and a few from later generations. ˹All will be˺ on jewelled thrones, reclining face to face. **** [https://quran.com/56/10-16?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * '''لَا يَسْمَعُونَ فِيهَا لَغْوًۭا وَلَا تَأْثِيمًا إِلَّا قِيلًۭا سَلَـٰمًۭا سَلَـٰمًۭا وَأَصْحَـٰبُ ٱلْيَمِينِ مَآ أَصْحَـٰبُ ٱلْيَمِينِ فِى سِدْرٍۢ مَّخْضُودٍۢ وَطَلْحٍۢ مَّنضُودٍۢ وَظِلٍّۢ مَّمْدُودٍۢ وَمَآءٍۢ مَّسْكُوبٍۢ وَفَـٰكِهَةٍۢ كَثِيرَةٍۢ لَّا مَقْطُوعَةٍۢ وَلَا مَمْنُوعَةٍۢ وَفُرُشٍۢ مَّرْفُوعَةٍ''' ** [https://quran.com/56/25-34 Quran 56:25–34] ** Translation: *** There they will never hear any idle or sinful talk—only good and virtuous speech. And the people of the right—how ˹blessed˺ will they be! ˹They will be˺ amid thornless lote trees, clusters of bananas, extended shade, flowing water, abundant fruit—never out of season nor forbidden—and elevated furnishings. **** [https://quran.com/56/25-34?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] === Commentary === * In [[w:Jannah|Jannah]] [paradise] there are a hundred grades which [[Allah]] has prepared for those who fight in His Cause [mujahidin]; and the distance between any two of those grades is like the distance between the heaven and the earth. ** Al-Nawawi, Riyad-us-Saliheen , Muhammad Amin Abu Usamah Al-Arabi bin Razduq, trans. (Riyadh: Darussalam, 1999), book 11, ch. 16, no. 300. == See also == * [[Heaven]] * [[Houri]] * [[Jahannam]] * [[Paradise]] * [[Quran]] == External links == {{wikipedia|Jannah}} * [https://quran.com/search?page=1&q=heaven&translations=131 Search for "heaven" at Quran.com] * [https://search-the-quran.com/search/heaven Search for "heaven" at Search-the-Quran.com] [[Category:Quran]] evtt4da2j195fyky5l5minzytihcx17 3779123 3779122 2025-07-15T11:51:10Z SolarisQ 3137151 Used arabic template 3779123 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Mohammed´s Paradise.jpg|thumb|right|A [[w:Persian miniature|Persian miniature]] depicting paradise. From ''The History of Mohammed'', [[w:Bibliothèque nationale de France|Bibliothèque nationale de France]], Paris.]] '''''[[w:Jannah|Jannah]]''''' (Arabic: [[Wiktionary:جنة|{{arabic|جَنّة}}]]) is the [[Quran|Quranic]] term for [[Heaven]]. This page quotes from the most prominent Quranic passages about ''Jannah''. The translation used is ''[[w:The Clear Quran|The Clear Quran]]'' by Dr. Mustafa Khattab, and the links go to [https://quran.com/ Quran.com], which provides additional translations. For more information, refer to the Wikipedia article on ''[[w:Jannah|Jannah]]''. == Quotes == === Quran === * {{arabic|weight=bold|وَبَشِّرِ ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ وَعَمِلُوا۟ ٱلصَّـٰلِحَـٰتِ أَنَّ لَهُمْ جَنَّـٰتٍۢ تَجْرِى مِن تَحْتِهَا ٱلْأَنْهَـٰرُ ۖ كُلَّمَا رُزِقُوا۟ مِنْهَا مِن ثَمَرَةٍۢ رِّزْقًۭا ۙ قَالُوا۟ هَـٰذَا ٱلَّذِى رُزِقْنَا مِن قَبْلُ ۖ وَأُتُوا۟ بِهِۦ مُتَشَـٰبِهًۭا}} ** [https://quran.com/2/25 Quran 2:25] ** Translation: *** Give good news ˹O Prophet˺ to those who believe and do good that they will have Gardens under which rivers flow. Whenever provided with fruit, they will say, "This is what we were given before," for they will be served fruit that looks similar ˹but tastes different˺. **** [https://quran.com/2/25?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|وَٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ وَعَمِلُوا۟ ٱلصَّـٰلِحَـٰتِ لَا نُكَلِّفُ نَفْسًا إِلَّا وُسْعَهَآ أُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ أَصْحَـٰبُ ٱلْجَنَّةِ ۖ هُمْ فِيهَا خَـٰلِدُونَ وَنَزَعْنَا مَا فِى صُدُورِهِم مِّنْ غِلٍّۢ تَجْرِى مِن تَحْتِهِمُ ٱلْأَنْهَـٰرُ ۖ وَقَالُوا۟ ٱلْحَمْدُ [[Allah|لِلَّهِ]] ٱلَّذِى هَدَىٰنَا لِهَـٰذَا وَمَا كُنَّا لِنَهْتَدِىَ لَوْلَآ أَنْ هَدَىٰنَا ٱللَّهُ ۖ لَقَدْ جَآءَتْ رُسُلُ رَبِّنَا بِٱلْحَقِّ ۖ وَنُودُوٓا۟ أَن تِلْكُمُ ٱلْجَنَّةُ أُورِثْتُمُوهَا بِمَا كُنتُمْ تَعْمَلُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/7/42-43 Quran 7:42–43] ** Translation: *** As for those who believe and do good—We never require of any soul more than what it can afford—it is they who will be the residents of Paradise. They will be there forever. We will remove whatever bitterness they had in their hearts. Rivers will flow under their feet. And they will say, "Praise be to [[Allah]] for guiding us to this. We would have never been guided if Allah had not guided us. The messengers of our Lord had certainly come with the truth." It will be announced to them, "This is Paradise awarded to you for what you used to do." **** [https://quran.com/7/42-43?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|إِنَّ ٱلْمُتَّقِينَ فِى جَنَّـٰتٍۢ وَعُيُونٍ ٱدْخُلُوهَا بِسَلَـٰمٍ ءَامِنِينَ وَنَزَعْنَا مَا فِى صُدُورِهِم مِّنْ غِلٍّ إِخْوَٰنًا عَلَىٰ سُرُرٍۢ مُّتَقَـٰبِلِينَ لَا يَمَسُّهُمْ فِيهَا نَصَبٌۭ وَمَا هُم مِّنْهَا بِمُخْرَجِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/15/45-48 Quran 15:45–48] ** Translation: *** Indeed, the righteous will be amid Gardens and springs. ˹It will be said to them,˺ "Enter in peace and security." We will remove whatever bitterness they had in their hearts. In a friendly manner, they will be on thrones, facing one another. No fatigue will touch them there, nor will they ever be asked to leave. **** [https://quran.com/15/45-48?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|إِنَّ [[Allah|ٱللَّهَ]] يُدْخِلُ ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ وَعَمِلُوا۟ ٱلصَّـٰلِحَـٰتِ جَنَّـٰتٍۢ تَجْرِى مِن تَحْتِهَا ٱلْأَنْهَـٰرُ يُحَلَّوْنَ فِيهَا مِنْ أَسَاوِرَ مِن ذَهَبٍۢ وَلُؤْلُؤًۭا ۖ وَلِبَاسُهُمْ فِيهَا حَرِيرٌۭ وَهُدُوٓا۟ إِلَى ٱلطَّيِّبِ مِنَ ٱلْقَوْلِ وَهُدُوٓا۟ إِلَىٰ صِرَٰطِ ٱلْحَمِيدِ}} ** [https://quran.com/22/23-24 Quran 22:23–24] ** Translation: *** ˹But˺ [[Allah]] will surely admit those who believe and do good into Gardens, under which rivers flow, where they will be adorned with bracelets of gold and pearls, and their clothing will be silk, for they have been guided to the best of speech, and they have been guided to the Commendable Path. **** [https://quran.com/22/23-24?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|أُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ لَهُمْ رِزْقٌۭ مَّعْلُومٌۭ فَوَٰكِهُ ۖ وَهُم مُّكْرَمُونَ فِى جَنَّـٰتِ ٱلنَّعِيمِ عَلَىٰ سُرُرٍۢ مُّتَقَـٰبِلِينَ يُطَافُ عَلَيْهِم بِكَأْسٍۢ مِّن مَّعِينٍۭ بَيْضَآءَ لَذَّةٍۢ لِّلشَّـٰرِبِينَ لَا فِيهَا غَوْلٌۭ وَلَا هُمْ عَنْهَا يُنزَفُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/37/41-47 Quran 37:41–47] ** Translation: *** They will have a known provision: fruits ˹of every type˺. And they will be honoured in the Gardens of Bliss, facing each other on thrones. A drink ˹of pure wine˺ will be passed around to them from a flowing stream: crystal-white, delicious to drink. It will neither harm ˹them˺, nor will they be intoxicated by it. **** [https://quran.com/37/48-49?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|وَإِنَّ لِلْمُتَّقِينَ لَحُسْنَ مَـَٔابٍۢ جَنَّـٰتِ عَدْنٍۢ مُّفَتَّحَةًۭ لَّهُمُ ٱلْأَبْوَٰبُ مُتَّكِـِٔينَ فِيهَا يَدْعُونَ فِيهَا بِفَـٰكِهَةٍۢ كَثِيرَةٍۢ وَشَ}} ** [https://quran.com/38/49-51 Quran 38:49–51] ** Translation: *** And the righteous will certainly have an honourable destination: the Gardens of Eternity, whose gates will be open for them. There they will recline, calling for abundant fruit and drink. **** [https://quran.com/38/49-51?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|إِنَّ ٱلْمُتَّقِينَ فِى مَقَامٍ أَمِينٍۢ فِى جَنَّـٰتٍۢ وَعُيُونٍۢ يَلْبَسُونَ مِن سُندُسٍۢ وَإِسْتَبْرَقٍۢ مُّتَقَـٰبِلِينَ كَذَٰلِكَ}} ** [https://quran.com/44/51-54 Quran 44:51–54] ** Translation: *** Indeed, the righteous will be in a secure place, amid Gardens and springs, dressed in fine silk and rich brocade, facing one another. So it will be. **** [https://quran.com/44/51-54?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|وَلِمَنْ خَافَ مَقَامَ رَبِّهِۦ جَنَّتَانِ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ ذَوَاتَآ أَفْنَانٍۢ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ فِيهِمَا عَيْنَانِ تَجْرِيَانِ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ فِيهِمَا مِن كُلِّ فَـٰكِهَةٍۢ زَوْجَانِ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ مُتَّكِـِٔينَ عَلَىٰ فُرُشٍۭ بَطَآئِنُهَا مِنْ إِسْتَبْرَقٍۢ ۚ وَجَنَى ٱلْجَنَّتَيْنِ دَانٍۢ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ}} ** [https://quran.com/55/46-55 Quran 55:46–55] ** Translation: *** And whoever is in awe of standing before their Lord will have two Gardens. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? ˹Both will be˺ with lush branches. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? In each ˹Garden˺ will be two flowing springs. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? In each will be two types of every fruit. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? Those ˹believers˺ will recline on furnishings lined with rich brocade. And the fruit of both Gardens will hang within reach. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? **** [https://quran.com/55/46-55?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|وَمِن دُونِهِمَا جَنَّتَانِ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ مُدْهَآمَّتَانِ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ فِيهِمَا عَيْنَانِ نَضَّاخَتَانِ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ فِيهِمَا فَـٰكِهَةٌۭ وَنَخْلٌۭ وَرُمَّانٌۭ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ}} ** [https://quran.com/55/62-69 Quran 55:62–69] ** Translation: *** And below these two ˹Gardens˺ will be two others. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? Both will be dark green. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? In each will be two gushing springs. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? In both will be fruit, palm trees, and pomegranates. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? **** [https://quran.com/55/62-69?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|وَٱلسَّـٰبِقُونَ ٱلسَّـٰبِقُونَ أُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ ٱلْمُقَرَّبُونَ فِى جَنَّـٰتِ ٱلنَّعِيمِ ثُلَّةٌۭ مِّنَ ٱلْأَوَّلِينَ وَقَلِيلٌۭ مِّنَ ٱلْـَٔاخِرِينَ عَلَىٰ سُرُرٍۢ مَّوْضُونَةٍۢ مُّتَّكِـِٔينَ عَلَيْهَا مُتَقَـٰبِلِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/56/10-16 Quran 56:10–16] ** Translation: *** The foremost ˹in faith˺ will be the foremost ˹in Paradise˺. They are the ones nearest ˹to [[Allah]]˺, in the Gardens of Bliss. ˹They will be˺ a multitude from earlier generations and a few from later generations. ˹All will be˺ on jewelled thrones, reclining face to face. **** [https://quran.com/56/10-16?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|لَا يَسْمَعُونَ فِيهَا لَغْوًۭا وَلَا تَأْثِيمًا إِلَّا قِيلًۭا سَلَـٰمًۭا سَلَـٰمًۭا وَأَصْحَـٰبُ ٱلْيَمِينِ مَآ أَصْحَـٰبُ ٱلْيَمِينِ فِى سِدْرٍۢ مَّخْضُودٍۢ وَطَلْحٍۢ مَّنضُودٍۢ وَظِلٍّۢ مَّمْدُودٍۢ وَمَآءٍۢ مَّسْكُوبٍۢ وَفَـٰكِهَةٍۢ كَثِيرَةٍۢ لَّا مَقْطُوعَةٍۢ وَلَا مَمْنُوعَةٍۢ وَفُرُشٍۢ مَّرْفُوعَةٍ}} ** [https://quran.com/56/25-34 Quran 56:25–34] ** Translation: *** There they will never hear any idle or sinful talk—only good and virtuous speech. And the people of the right—how ˹blessed˺ will they be! ˹They will be˺ amid thornless lote trees, clusters of bananas, extended shade, flowing water, abundant fruit—never out of season nor forbidden—and elevated furnishings. **** [https://quran.com/56/25-34?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] === Commentary === * In [[w:Jannah|Jannah]] [paradise] there are a hundred grades which [[Allah]] has prepared for those who fight in His Cause [mujahidin]; and the distance between any two of those grades is like the distance between the heaven and the earth. ** Al-Nawawi, Riyad-us-Saliheen , Muhammad Amin Abu Usamah Al-Arabi bin Razduq, trans. (Riyadh: Darussalam, 1999), book 11, ch. 16, no. 300. == See also == * [[Heaven]] * [[Houri]] * [[Jahannam]] * [[Paradise]] * [[Quran]] == External links == {{wikipedia|Jannah}} * [https://quran.com/search?page=1&q=heaven&translations=131 Search for "heaven" at Quran.com] * [https://search-the-quran.com/search/heaven Search for "heaven" at Search-the-Quran.com] [[Category:Quran]] 68xakx9myyhd9xja69egsdy78p7i9nv 3779124 3779123 2025-07-15T11:51:36Z SolarisQ 3137151 Right-aligned text 3779124 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Mohammed´s Paradise.jpg|thumb|right|A [[w:Persian miniature|Persian miniature]] depicting paradise. From ''The History of Mohammed'', [[w:Bibliothèque nationale de France|Bibliothèque nationale de France]], Paris.]] '''''[[w:Jannah|Jannah]]''''' (Arabic: [[Wiktionary:جنة|{{arabic|جَنّة}}]]) is the [[Quran|Quranic]] term for [[Heaven]]. This page quotes from the most prominent Quranic passages about ''Jannah''. The translation used is ''[[w:The Clear Quran|The Clear Quran]]'' by Dr. Mustafa Khattab, and the links go to [https://quran.com/ Quran.com], which provides additional translations. For more information, refer to the Wikipedia article on ''[[w:Jannah|Jannah]]''. == Quotes == === Quran === * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|وَبَشِّرِ ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ وَعَمِلُوا۟ ٱلصَّـٰلِحَـٰتِ أَنَّ لَهُمْ جَنَّـٰتٍۢ تَجْرِى مِن تَحْتِهَا ٱلْأَنْهَـٰرُ ۖ كُلَّمَا رُزِقُوا۟ مِنْهَا مِن ثَمَرَةٍۢ رِّزْقًۭا ۙ قَالُوا۟ هَـٰذَا ٱلَّذِى رُزِقْنَا مِن قَبْلُ ۖ وَأُتُوا۟ بِهِۦ مُتَشَـٰبِهًۭا}} ** [https://quran.com/2/25 Quran 2:25] ** Translation: *** Give good news ˹O Prophet˺ to those who believe and do good that they will have Gardens under which rivers flow. Whenever provided with fruit, they will say, "This is what we were given before," for they will be served fruit that looks similar ˹but tastes different˺. **** [https://quran.com/2/25?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|وَٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ وَعَمِلُوا۟ ٱلصَّـٰلِحَـٰتِ لَا نُكَلِّفُ نَفْسًا إِلَّا وُسْعَهَآ أُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ أَصْحَـٰبُ ٱلْجَنَّةِ ۖ هُمْ فِيهَا خَـٰلِدُونَ وَنَزَعْنَا مَا فِى صُدُورِهِم مِّنْ غِلٍّۢ تَجْرِى مِن تَحْتِهِمُ ٱلْأَنْهَـٰرُ ۖ وَقَالُوا۟ ٱلْحَمْدُ [[Allah|لِلَّهِ]] ٱلَّذِى هَدَىٰنَا لِهَـٰذَا وَمَا كُنَّا لِنَهْتَدِىَ لَوْلَآ أَنْ هَدَىٰنَا ٱللَّهُ ۖ لَقَدْ جَآءَتْ رُسُلُ رَبِّنَا بِٱلْحَقِّ ۖ وَنُودُوٓا۟ أَن تِلْكُمُ ٱلْجَنَّةُ أُورِثْتُمُوهَا بِمَا كُنتُمْ تَعْمَلُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/7/42-43 Quran 7:42–43] ** Translation: *** As for those who believe and do good—We never require of any soul more than what it can afford—it is they who will be the residents of Paradise. They will be there forever. We will remove whatever bitterness they had in their hearts. Rivers will flow under their feet. And they will say, "Praise be to [[Allah]] for guiding us to this. We would have never been guided if Allah had not guided us. The messengers of our Lord had certainly come with the truth." It will be announced to them, "This is Paradise awarded to you for what you used to do." **** [https://quran.com/7/42-43?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|إِنَّ ٱلْمُتَّقِينَ فِى جَنَّـٰتٍۢ وَعُيُونٍ ٱدْخُلُوهَا بِسَلَـٰمٍ ءَامِنِينَ وَنَزَعْنَا مَا فِى صُدُورِهِم مِّنْ غِلٍّ إِخْوَٰنًا عَلَىٰ سُرُرٍۢ مُّتَقَـٰبِلِينَ لَا يَمَسُّهُمْ فِيهَا نَصَبٌۭ وَمَا هُم مِّنْهَا بِمُخْرَجِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/15/45-48 Quran 15:45–48] ** Translation: *** Indeed, the righteous will be amid Gardens and springs. ˹It will be said to them,˺ "Enter in peace and security." We will remove whatever bitterness they had in their hearts. In a friendly manner, they will be on thrones, facing one another. No fatigue will touch them there, nor will they ever be asked to leave. **** [https://quran.com/15/45-48?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|إِنَّ [[Allah|ٱللَّهَ]] يُدْخِلُ ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ وَعَمِلُوا۟ ٱلصَّـٰلِحَـٰتِ جَنَّـٰتٍۢ تَجْرِى مِن تَحْتِهَا ٱلْأَنْهَـٰرُ يُحَلَّوْنَ فِيهَا مِنْ أَسَاوِرَ مِن ذَهَبٍۢ وَلُؤْلُؤًۭا ۖ وَلِبَاسُهُمْ فِيهَا حَرِيرٌۭ وَهُدُوٓا۟ إِلَى ٱلطَّيِّبِ مِنَ ٱلْقَوْلِ وَهُدُوٓا۟ إِلَىٰ صِرَٰطِ ٱلْحَمِيدِ}} ** [https://quran.com/22/23-24 Quran 22:23–24] ** Translation: *** ˹But˺ [[Allah]] will surely admit those who believe and do good into Gardens, under which rivers flow, where they will be adorned with bracelets of gold and pearls, and their clothing will be silk, for they have been guided to the best of speech, and they have been guided to the Commendable Path. **** [https://quran.com/22/23-24?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|أُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ لَهُمْ رِزْقٌۭ مَّعْلُومٌۭ فَوَٰكِهُ ۖ وَهُم مُّكْرَمُونَ فِى جَنَّـٰتِ ٱلنَّعِيمِ عَلَىٰ سُرُرٍۢ مُّتَقَـٰبِلِينَ يُطَافُ عَلَيْهِم بِكَأْسٍۢ مِّن مَّعِينٍۭ بَيْضَآءَ لَذَّةٍۢ لِّلشَّـٰرِبِينَ لَا فِيهَا غَوْلٌۭ وَلَا هُمْ عَنْهَا يُنزَفُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/37/41-47 Quran 37:41–47] ** Translation: *** They will have a known provision: fruits ˹of every type˺. And they will be honoured in the Gardens of Bliss, facing each other on thrones. A drink ˹of pure wine˺ will be passed around to them from a flowing stream: crystal-white, delicious to drink. It will neither harm ˹them˺, nor will they be intoxicated by it. **** [https://quran.com/37/48-49?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|وَإِنَّ لِلْمُتَّقِينَ لَحُسْنَ مَـَٔابٍۢ جَنَّـٰتِ عَدْنٍۢ مُّفَتَّحَةًۭ لَّهُمُ ٱلْأَبْوَٰبُ مُتَّكِـِٔينَ فِيهَا يَدْعُونَ فِيهَا بِفَـٰكِهَةٍۢ كَثِيرَةٍۢ وَشَ}} ** [https://quran.com/38/49-51 Quran 38:49–51] ** Translation: *** And the righteous will certainly have an honourable destination: the Gardens of Eternity, whose gates will be open for them. There they will recline, calling for abundant fruit and drink. **** [https://quran.com/38/49-51?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|إِنَّ ٱلْمُتَّقِينَ فِى مَقَامٍ أَمِينٍۢ فِى جَنَّـٰتٍۢ وَعُيُونٍۢ يَلْبَسُونَ مِن سُندُسٍۢ وَإِسْتَبْرَقٍۢ مُّتَقَـٰبِلِينَ كَذَٰلِكَ}} ** [https://quran.com/44/51-54 Quran 44:51–54] ** Translation: *** Indeed, the righteous will be in a secure place, amid Gardens and springs, dressed in fine silk and rich brocade, facing one another. So it will be. **** [https://quran.com/44/51-54?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|وَلِمَنْ خَافَ مَقَامَ رَبِّهِۦ جَنَّتَانِ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ ذَوَاتَآ أَفْنَانٍۢ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ فِيهِمَا عَيْنَانِ تَجْرِيَانِ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ فِيهِمَا مِن كُلِّ فَـٰكِهَةٍۢ زَوْجَانِ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ مُتَّكِـِٔينَ عَلَىٰ فُرُشٍۭ بَطَآئِنُهَا مِنْ إِسْتَبْرَقٍۢ ۚ وَجَنَى ٱلْجَنَّتَيْنِ دَانٍۢ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ}} ** [https://quran.com/55/46-55 Quran 55:46–55] ** Translation: *** And whoever is in awe of standing before their Lord will have two Gardens. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? ˹Both will be˺ with lush branches. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? In each ˹Garden˺ will be two flowing springs. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? In each will be two types of every fruit. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? Those ˹believers˺ will recline on furnishings lined with rich brocade. And the fruit of both Gardens will hang within reach. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? **** [https://quran.com/55/46-55?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|وَمِن دُونِهِمَا جَنَّتَانِ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ مُدْهَآمَّتَانِ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ فِيهِمَا عَيْنَانِ نَضَّاخَتَانِ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ فِيهِمَا فَـٰكِهَةٌۭ وَنَخْلٌۭ وَرُمَّانٌۭ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ}} ** [https://quran.com/55/62-69 Quran 55:62–69] ** Translation: *** And below these two ˹Gardens˺ will be two others. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? Both will be dark green. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? In each will be two gushing springs. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? In both will be fruit, palm trees, and pomegranates. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? **** [https://quran.com/55/62-69?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|وَٱلسَّـٰبِقُونَ ٱلسَّـٰبِقُونَ أُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ ٱلْمُقَرَّبُونَ فِى جَنَّـٰتِ ٱلنَّعِيمِ ثُلَّةٌۭ مِّنَ ٱلْأَوَّلِينَ وَقَلِيلٌۭ مِّنَ ٱلْـَٔاخِرِينَ عَلَىٰ سُرُرٍۢ مَّوْضُونَةٍۢ مُّتَّكِـِٔينَ عَلَيْهَا مُتَقَـٰبِلِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/56/10-16 Quran 56:10–16] ** Translation: *** The foremost ˹in faith˺ will be the foremost ˹in Paradise˺. They are the ones nearest ˹to [[Allah]]˺, in the Gardens of Bliss. ˹They will be˺ a multitude from earlier generations and a few from later generations. ˹All will be˺ on jewelled thrones, reclining face to face. **** [https://quran.com/56/10-16?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|لَا يَسْمَعُونَ فِيهَا لَغْوًۭا وَلَا تَأْثِيمًا إِلَّا قِيلًۭا سَلَـٰمًۭا سَلَـٰمًۭا وَأَصْحَـٰبُ ٱلْيَمِينِ مَآ أَصْحَـٰبُ ٱلْيَمِينِ فِى سِدْرٍۢ مَّخْضُودٍۢ وَطَلْحٍۢ مَّنضُودٍۢ وَظِلٍّۢ مَّمْدُودٍۢ وَمَآءٍۢ مَّسْكُوبٍۢ وَفَـٰكِهَةٍۢ كَثِيرَةٍۢ لَّا مَقْطُوعَةٍۢ وَلَا مَمْنُوعَةٍۢ وَفُرُشٍۢ مَّرْفُوعَةٍ}} ** [https://quran.com/56/25-34 Quran 56:25–34] ** Translation: *** There they will never hear any idle or sinful talk—only good and virtuous speech. And the people of the right—how ˹blessed˺ will they be! ˹They will be˺ amid thornless lote trees, clusters of bananas, extended shade, flowing water, abundant fruit—never out of season nor forbidden—and elevated furnishings. **** [https://quran.com/56/25-34?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] === Commentary === * In [[w:Jannah|Jannah]] [paradise] there are a hundred grades which [[Allah]] has prepared for those who fight in His Cause [mujahidin]; and the distance between any two of those grades is like the distance between the heaven and the earth. ** Al-Nawawi, Riyad-us-Saliheen , Muhammad Amin Abu Usamah Al-Arabi bin Razduq, trans. (Riyadh: Darussalam, 1999), book 11, ch. 16, no. 300. == See also == * [[Heaven]] * [[Houri]] * [[Jahannam]] * [[Paradise]] * [[Quran]] == External links == {{wikipedia|Jannah}} * [https://quran.com/search?page=1&q=heaven&translations=131 Search for "heaven" at Quran.com] * [https://search-the-quran.com/search/heaven Search for "heaven" at Search-the-Quran.com] [[Category:Quran]] i3svi9hfny2k93zqyk18u6pnev3qa24 3779125 3779124 2025-07-15T11:52:04Z SolarisQ 3137151 Unboldened text 3779125 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Mohammed´s Paradise.jpg|thumb|right|A [[w:Persian miniature|Persian miniature]] depicting paradise. From ''The History of Mohammed'', [[w:Bibliothèque nationale de France|Bibliothèque nationale de France]], Paris.]] '''''[[w:Jannah|Jannah]]''''' (Arabic: [[Wiktionary:جنة|{{arabic|جَنّة}}]]) is the [[Quran|Quranic]] term for [[Heaven]]. This page quotes from the most prominent Quranic passages about ''Jannah''. The translation used is ''[[w:The Clear Quran|The Clear Quran]]'' by Dr. Mustafa Khattab, and the links go to [https://quran.com/ Quran.com], which provides additional translations. For more information, refer to the Wikipedia article on ''[[w:Jannah|Jannah]]''. == Quotes == === Quran === * {{arabic|align=right|وَبَشِّرِ ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ وَعَمِلُوا۟ ٱلصَّـٰلِحَـٰتِ أَنَّ لَهُمْ جَنَّـٰتٍۢ تَجْرِى مِن تَحْتِهَا ٱلْأَنْهَـٰرُ ۖ كُلَّمَا رُزِقُوا۟ مِنْهَا مِن ثَمَرَةٍۢ رِّزْقًۭا ۙ قَالُوا۟ هَـٰذَا ٱلَّذِى رُزِقْنَا مِن قَبْلُ ۖ وَأُتُوا۟ بِهِۦ مُتَشَـٰبِهًۭا}} ** [https://quran.com/2/25 Quran 2:25] ** Translation: *** Give good news ˹O Prophet˺ to those who believe and do good that they will have Gardens under which rivers flow. Whenever provided with fruit, they will say, "This is what we were given before," for they will be served fruit that looks similar ˹but tastes different˺. **** [https://quran.com/2/25?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|align=right|وَٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ وَعَمِلُوا۟ ٱلصَّـٰلِحَـٰتِ لَا نُكَلِّفُ نَفْسًا إِلَّا وُسْعَهَآ أُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ أَصْحَـٰبُ ٱلْجَنَّةِ ۖ هُمْ فِيهَا خَـٰلِدُونَ وَنَزَعْنَا مَا فِى صُدُورِهِم مِّنْ غِلٍّۢ تَجْرِى مِن تَحْتِهِمُ ٱلْأَنْهَـٰرُ ۖ وَقَالُوا۟ ٱلْحَمْدُ [[Allah|لِلَّهِ]] ٱلَّذِى هَدَىٰنَا لِهَـٰذَا وَمَا كُنَّا لِنَهْتَدِىَ لَوْلَآ أَنْ هَدَىٰنَا ٱللَّهُ ۖ لَقَدْ جَآءَتْ رُسُلُ رَبِّنَا بِٱلْحَقِّ ۖ وَنُودُوٓا۟ أَن تِلْكُمُ ٱلْجَنَّةُ أُورِثْتُمُوهَا بِمَا كُنتُمْ تَعْمَلُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/7/42-43 Quran 7:42–43] ** Translation: *** As for those who believe and do good—We never require of any soul more than what it can afford—it is they who will be the residents of Paradise. They will be there forever. We will remove whatever bitterness they had in their hearts. Rivers will flow under their feet. And they will say, "Praise be to [[Allah]] for guiding us to this. We would have never been guided if Allah had not guided us. The messengers of our Lord had certainly come with the truth." It will be announced to them, "This is Paradise awarded to you for what you used to do." **** [https://quran.com/7/42-43?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|align=right|إِنَّ ٱلْمُتَّقِينَ فِى جَنَّـٰتٍۢ وَعُيُونٍ ٱدْخُلُوهَا بِسَلَـٰمٍ ءَامِنِينَ وَنَزَعْنَا مَا فِى صُدُورِهِم مِّنْ غِلٍّ إِخْوَٰنًا عَلَىٰ سُرُرٍۢ مُّتَقَـٰبِلِينَ لَا يَمَسُّهُمْ فِيهَا نَصَبٌۭ وَمَا هُم مِّنْهَا بِمُخْرَجِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/15/45-48 Quran 15:45–48] ** Translation: *** Indeed, the righteous will be amid Gardens and springs. ˹It will be said to them,˺ "Enter in peace and security." We will remove whatever bitterness they had in their hearts. In a friendly manner, they will be on thrones, facing one another. No fatigue will touch them there, nor will they ever be asked to leave. **** [https://quran.com/15/45-48?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|align=right|إِنَّ [[Allah|ٱللَّهَ]] يُدْخِلُ ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ وَعَمِلُوا۟ ٱلصَّـٰلِحَـٰتِ جَنَّـٰتٍۢ تَجْرِى مِن تَحْتِهَا ٱلْأَنْهَـٰرُ يُحَلَّوْنَ فِيهَا مِنْ أَسَاوِرَ مِن ذَهَبٍۢ وَلُؤْلُؤًۭا ۖ وَلِبَاسُهُمْ فِيهَا حَرِيرٌۭ وَهُدُوٓا۟ إِلَى ٱلطَّيِّبِ مِنَ ٱلْقَوْلِ وَهُدُوٓا۟ إِلَىٰ صِرَٰطِ ٱلْحَمِيدِ}} ** [https://quran.com/22/23-24 Quran 22:23–24] ** Translation: *** ˹But˺ [[Allah]] will surely admit those who believe and do good into Gardens, under which rivers flow, where they will be adorned with bracelets of gold and pearls, and their clothing will be silk, for they have been guided to the best of speech, and they have been guided to the Commendable Path. **** [https://quran.com/22/23-24?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|align=right|أُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ لَهُمْ رِزْقٌۭ مَّعْلُومٌۭ فَوَٰكِهُ ۖ وَهُم مُّكْرَمُونَ فِى جَنَّـٰتِ ٱلنَّعِيمِ عَلَىٰ سُرُرٍۢ مُّتَقَـٰبِلِينَ يُطَافُ عَلَيْهِم بِكَأْسٍۢ مِّن مَّعِينٍۭ بَيْضَآءَ لَذَّةٍۢ لِّلشَّـٰرِبِينَ لَا فِيهَا غَوْلٌۭ وَلَا هُمْ عَنْهَا يُنزَفُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/37/41-47 Quran 37:41–47] ** Translation: *** They will have a known provision: fruits ˹of every type˺. And they will be honoured in the Gardens of Bliss, facing each other on thrones. A drink ˹of pure wine˺ will be passed around to them from a flowing stream: crystal-white, delicious to drink. It will neither harm ˹them˺, nor will they be intoxicated by it. **** [https://quran.com/37/48-49?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|align=right|وَإِنَّ لِلْمُتَّقِينَ لَحُسْنَ مَـَٔابٍۢ جَنَّـٰتِ عَدْنٍۢ مُّفَتَّحَةًۭ لَّهُمُ ٱلْأَبْوَٰبُ مُتَّكِـِٔينَ فِيهَا يَدْعُونَ فِيهَا بِفَـٰكِهَةٍۢ كَثِيرَةٍۢ وَشَ}} ** [https://quran.com/38/49-51 Quran 38:49–51] ** Translation: *** And the righteous will certainly have an honourable destination: the Gardens of Eternity, whose gates will be open for them. There they will recline, calling for abundant fruit and drink. **** [https://quran.com/38/49-51?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|align=right|إِنَّ ٱلْمُتَّقِينَ فِى مَقَامٍ أَمِينٍۢ فِى جَنَّـٰتٍۢ وَعُيُونٍۢ يَلْبَسُونَ مِن سُندُسٍۢ وَإِسْتَبْرَقٍۢ مُّتَقَـٰبِلِينَ كَذَٰلِكَ}} ** [https://quran.com/44/51-54 Quran 44:51–54] ** Translation: *** Indeed, the righteous will be in a secure place, amid Gardens and springs, dressed in fine silk and rich brocade, facing one another. So it will be. **** [https://quran.com/44/51-54?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|align=right|وَلِمَنْ خَافَ مَقَامَ رَبِّهِۦ جَنَّتَانِ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ ذَوَاتَآ أَفْنَانٍۢ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ فِيهِمَا عَيْنَانِ تَجْرِيَانِ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ فِيهِمَا مِن كُلِّ فَـٰكِهَةٍۢ زَوْجَانِ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ مُتَّكِـِٔينَ عَلَىٰ فُرُشٍۭ بَطَآئِنُهَا مِنْ إِسْتَبْرَقٍۢ ۚ وَجَنَى ٱلْجَنَّتَيْنِ دَانٍۢ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ}} ** [https://quran.com/55/46-55 Quran 55:46–55] ** Translation: *** And whoever is in awe of standing before their Lord will have two Gardens. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? ˹Both will be˺ with lush branches. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? In each ˹Garden˺ will be two flowing springs. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? In each will be two types of every fruit. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? Those ˹believers˺ will recline on furnishings lined with rich brocade. And the fruit of both Gardens will hang within reach. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? **** [https://quran.com/55/46-55?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|align=right|وَمِن دُونِهِمَا جَنَّتَانِ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ مُدْهَآمَّتَانِ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ فِيهِمَا عَيْنَانِ نَضَّاخَتَانِ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ فِيهِمَا فَـٰكِهَةٌۭ وَنَخْلٌۭ وَرُمَّانٌۭ فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ}} ** [https://quran.com/55/62-69 Quran 55:62–69] ** Translation: *** And below these two ˹Gardens˺ will be two others. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? Both will be dark green. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? In each will be two gushing springs. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? In both will be fruit, palm trees, and pomegranates. Then which of your Lord's favours will you both deny? **** [https://quran.com/55/62-69?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|align=right|وَٱلسَّـٰبِقُونَ ٱلسَّـٰبِقُونَ أُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ ٱلْمُقَرَّبُونَ فِى جَنَّـٰتِ ٱلنَّعِيمِ ثُلَّةٌۭ مِّنَ ٱلْأَوَّلِينَ وَقَلِيلٌۭ مِّنَ ٱلْـَٔاخِرِينَ عَلَىٰ سُرُرٍۢ مَّوْضُونَةٍۢ مُّتَّكِـِٔينَ عَلَيْهَا مُتَقَـٰبِلِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/56/10-16 Quran 56:10–16] ** Translation: *** The foremost ˹in faith˺ will be the foremost ˹in Paradise˺. They are the ones nearest ˹to [[Allah]]˺, in the Gardens of Bliss. ˹They will be˺ a multitude from earlier generations and a few from later generations. ˹All will be˺ on jewelled thrones, reclining face to face. **** [https://quran.com/56/10-16?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] * {{arabic|align=right|لَا يَسْمَعُونَ فِيهَا لَغْوًۭا وَلَا تَأْثِيمًا إِلَّا قِيلًۭا سَلَـٰمًۭا سَلَـٰمًۭا وَأَصْحَـٰبُ ٱلْيَمِينِ مَآ أَصْحَـٰبُ ٱلْيَمِينِ فِى سِدْرٍۢ مَّخْضُودٍۢ وَطَلْحٍۢ مَّنضُودٍۢ وَظِلٍّۢ مَّمْدُودٍۢ وَمَآءٍۢ مَّسْكُوبٍۢ وَفَـٰكِهَةٍۢ كَثِيرَةٍۢ لَّا مَقْطُوعَةٍۢ وَلَا مَمْنُوعَةٍۢ وَفُرُشٍۢ مَّرْفُوعَةٍ}} ** [https://quran.com/56/25-34 Quran 56:25–34] ** Translation: *** There they will never hear any idle or sinful talk—only good and virtuous speech. And the people of the right—how ˹blessed˺ will they be! ˹They will be˺ amid thornless lote trees, clusters of bananas, extended shade, flowing water, abundant fruit—never out of season nor forbidden—and elevated furnishings. **** [https://quran.com/56/25-34?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] by [[w:Mustafa Khattab|Dr. Mustafa Khattab]] === Commentary === * In [[w:Jannah|Jannah]] [paradise] there are a hundred grades which [[Allah]] has prepared for those who fight in His Cause [mujahidin]; and the distance between any two of those grades is like the distance between the heaven and the earth. ** Al-Nawawi, Riyad-us-Saliheen , Muhammad Amin Abu Usamah Al-Arabi bin Razduq, trans. (Riyadh: Darussalam, 1999), book 11, ch. 16, no. 300. == See also == * [[Heaven]] * [[Houri]] * [[Jahannam]] * [[Paradise]] * [[Quran]] == External links == {{wikipedia|Jannah}} * [https://quran.com/search?page=1&q=heaven&translations=131 Search for "heaven" at Quran.com] * [https://search-the-quran.com/search/heaven Search for "heaven" at Search-the-Quran.com] [[Category:Quran]] ix336zw6svi0e09uh5zpiw679zfcqys 0 252082 3778951 3598878 2025-07-15T00:41:16Z Débora 3073295 3778951 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Official portrait of The Lord Bishop of Leeds crop 2.jpg|thumb|Nicholas Baines (2018)]] '''[[w:Nick Baines (bishop)|Nicholas Baines]]''' (13 November 1957) is a British Anglican who serves as the [[w:Anglican Bishop of Leeds|Bishop of Leeds]]. == Quotes == * Pray, because the church leaders, the bishops, the archbishops, need great wisdom as they negotiate with government, and as they try very hard to envision a future that even the politicians can't always envision, as they speak for justice and peace and so on, and pray that they find willing partners. ** [http://www.archivioradiovaticana.va/storico/2017/08/03/anglican_ab_welby_concludes_visit_to_uganda_and_sudan/en-1328772 Anglican AB Welby concludes visit to Uganda and Sudan (3 August 2017) ''Vatican Radio''] == External links== {{wikipedia}} {{commonscat}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Baines, Nick}} [[Category:Anglicans from the United Kingdom]] [[Category:Anglican bishops]] [[Category:1957 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:People from Liverpool]] pfxu767c9d5weab3xtlqf7s3vk5vwrt 0 252135 3778483 3776375 2025-07-14T12:20:11Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Architects]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778483 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Konstrakta 2017.jpg|thumb|Konstrakta in 2017]] '''[[w:Konstrakta|Ana Đurić]]''' (née '''Ignjatović'''; [[w:Serbian_Cyrillic_alphabet|Serbian Cyrillic]]: Ана Ђурић, née Игњатовић; born 12 October 1978), known professionally as '''Konstrakta''' (Serbian Cyrillic: Констракта), is a Serbian singer and songwriter. == Quotes == * We are disoriented because in the [[w:infosphere|infosphere]] there are a million suggestions about how to reach that goal [health], a bunch of trends, offers, promises – contradictory, fake, true, absurd… So we find ourselves spending limitlessly and thoughtlessly for the fulfillment of that goal. Thus, the basic capitalistic principle that never leaves you satisfied has been applied to [[health]] domain. **[https://www.vreme.com/vreme/nas-integritet-i-ideja-stekli-su-postovanje/ Interview, ''[[w:Vreme|Magazine Vreme]]''], No. 1637, (19 May 2022) translated from [[w:Serbian language|Serbian]] * I am fascinated with the phenomenon of secondary consumption or whatever to call it – when you watch somebody consuming something, when somebody is doing something in your name. That is the essence of today’s entertainment, even of the way how we act. **[https://www.vreme.com/vreme/nas-integritet-i-ideja-stekli-su-postovanje/ Interview, ''[[w:Vreme|Magazine Vreme]]''], No. 1637, (19 May 2022) translated from Serbian * By discriminating against age, we put ourselves in a position to fear it and make extraordinary efforts to avoid the inevitable. **[https://www.vreme.com/vreme/nas-integritet-i-ideja-stekli-su-postovanje/ Interview, ''[[w:Vreme|Magazine Vreme]]''], No. 1637, (19 May 2022) translated from Serbian * We are part of society, it is the environment that forms us. I try to have a critical attitude towards what comes from the environment, but we all know that it is disputed how often and how often we manage to get out of our own, already formed, perspective. When such breakthroughs happen, they are valuable experiences, I would say. **[https://www.glassrpske.com/cir/kultura/muzika/ana-djuric-konstrakta-za-glas-srpske-vrijeme-ce-pokazati-da-li-smo-ostavili-trag/468074 Interview, ''[[w:Glas Srpske|Glas Srpske]]''], No. 468074, (12 December 2023) translated from Serbian * The introspections into my work are fun, that's the beauty of the whole thing. I generally don't look at introspection into my character, because I would often get annoyed - what about one-sidedness, what about inaccuracy, and so on. This is where we clearly need media literacy, so that we can manage not to take information for granted and learn to speak and judge others with reserve and appreciation for the fact that we don't know everything about everything. **[https://www.glassrpske.com/cir/kultura/muzika/ana-djuric-konstrakta-za-glas-srpske-vrijeme-ce-pokazati-da-li-smo-ostavili-trag/468074 Interview, ''[[w:Glas Srpske|Glas Srpske]]''], No. 468074, (12 December 2023) translated from Serbian * I would like the audience to remain interested in something that is not ace. There were some works that analyzed the "Triptych". I'm honored. **[https://www.glassrpske.com/cir/kultura/muzika/ana-djuric-konstrakta-za-glas-srpske-vrijeme-ce-pokazati-da-li-smo-ostavili-trag/468074 Interview, ''[[w:Glas Srpske|Glas Srpske]]''], No. 468074, (12 December 2023) translated from Serbian == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{commons category}} [[Category:Women singers]] [[Category:Women songwriters]] [[Category:1978 births]] [[Category:Women from Serbia]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Women born in the 1970s]] 7l1uuow69ksyr3o5mk621klv0cqukfj 0 252240 3778543 3460053 2025-07-14T12:42:21Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Architects]]; added [[Category:Architects from Russia]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778543 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Anatoly Vasiliev in his Workshop 2019.jpg|thumb|right|Anatoly Vasiliev in his workshop. SPb. 2019]] '''Anatoly Nikolaevich Vasiliev''' [Анато́лий Никола́евич Васи́льев] (November 22, 1940 - November 13, 2020), Soviet and Russian painter and graphic artist, architect. == Quotes == * I’m entering the hall staircase, going up the stairs. Graffiti on the walls, windows with remnants of Art Nouveau stained-glass. The elevator cab door slammed and a shadow of a man standing on the landing dashed upstairs. He is wearing a trench coat with his collar turned up and a hat drawn over his eyes to hide his facial features. Spying, obviously an agent. I’m going to the poet Viktor K., I’ve brought him a banned book published abroad. Viktor has long been under suspicion of the "authorities" for underground press. I see: the door of a communal apartment is swinging open half a flight above and two dwellers, who have grappled in a fight, are tumbling out of it screaming and swearing. The agent is not reacting to what is happening, he’s got a different task. He is standing motionless, one hand in his pocket, with a bright yellow glove on the other one. These impressions from fifty years ago gave an impetus to create a lithograph. For half a century, the interior of the hall staircase and the stairs have not changed, but now the surveillance over the house and its inhabitants is carried out by video cameras instead of agents. Warning, video surveillance, the signs on the house walls say obligingly. ** Anatoly Vasiliev ''Yellow Glove'' / City as Artist's subjectivity. Artist's book project. Catalog. (Rus & En) — SPb: Ed. T. Markova. 2020. — 124 p. — P. 123. {{DEFAULTSORT:Vasiliev, Anatoly}} [[Category:Printmakers]] [[Category:Illustrators]] [[Category:Painters from Russia]] [[Category:Educators from Russia]] [[Category:Architects from Russia]] [[Category:People from St. Petersburg]] [[Category:1940 births]] [[Category:2020 deaths]] 8vff0o0h2sqfd64ekawq9adrwk72v7v 3778545 3778543 2025-07-14T12:42:54Z UDScott 4304 UDScott moved page [[Anatoly Vasiliev]] to [[Anatoly Vasiliev (painter)]] 3778543 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Anatoly Vasiliev in his Workshop 2019.jpg|thumb|right|Anatoly Vasiliev in his workshop. SPb. 2019]] '''Anatoly Nikolaevich Vasiliev''' [Анато́лий Никола́евич Васи́льев] (November 22, 1940 - November 13, 2020), Soviet and Russian painter and graphic artist, architect. == Quotes == * I’m entering the hall staircase, going up the stairs. Graffiti on the walls, windows with remnants of Art Nouveau stained-glass. The elevator cab door slammed and a shadow of a man standing on the landing dashed upstairs. He is wearing a trench coat with his collar turned up and a hat drawn over his eyes to hide his facial features. Spying, obviously an agent. I’m going to the poet Viktor K., I’ve brought him a banned book published abroad. Viktor has long been under suspicion of the "authorities" for underground press. I see: the door of a communal apartment is swinging open half a flight above and two dwellers, who have grappled in a fight, are tumbling out of it screaming and swearing. The agent is not reacting to what is happening, he’s got a different task. He is standing motionless, one hand in his pocket, with a bright yellow glove on the other one. These impressions from fifty years ago gave an impetus to create a lithograph. For half a century, the interior of the hall staircase and the stairs have not changed, but now the surveillance over the house and its inhabitants is carried out by video cameras instead of agents. Warning, video surveillance, the signs on the house walls say obligingly. ** Anatoly Vasiliev ''Yellow Glove'' / City as Artist's subjectivity. Artist's book project. Catalog. (Rus & En) — SPb: Ed. T. Markova. 2020. — 124 p. — P. 123. {{DEFAULTSORT:Vasiliev, Anatoly}} [[Category:Printmakers]] [[Category:Illustrators]] [[Category:Painters from Russia]] [[Category:Educators from Russia]] [[Category:Architects from Russia]] [[Category:People from St. Petersburg]] [[Category:1940 births]] [[Category:2020 deaths]] 8vff0o0h2sqfd64ekawq9adrwk72v7v 3778547 3778545 2025-07-14T12:43:27Z UDScott 4304 3778547 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Anatoly Vasiliev in his Workshop 2019.jpg|thumb|right|Anatoly Vasiliev in his workshop. SPb. 2019]] '''[[w:Anatoly Vasiliev (painter)|Anatoly Nikolaevich Vasiliev]]''' [Анато́лий Никола́евич Васи́льев] (November 22, 1940 - November 13, 2020), Soviet and Russian painter and graphic artist, architect. {{artist-stub}} == Quotes == * I’m entering the hall staircase, going up the stairs. Graffiti on the walls, windows with remnants of Art Nouveau stained-glass. The elevator cab door slammed and a shadow of a man standing on the landing dashed upstairs. He is wearing a trench coat with his collar turned up and a hat drawn over his eyes to hide his facial features. Spying, obviously an agent. I’m going to the poet Viktor K., I’ve brought him a banned book published abroad. Viktor has long been under suspicion of the "authorities" for underground press. I see: the door of a communal apartment is swinging open half a flight above and two dwellers, who have grappled in a fight, are tumbling out of it screaming and swearing. The agent is not reacting to what is happening, he’s got a different task. He is standing motionless, one hand in his pocket, with a bright yellow glove on the other one. These impressions from fifty years ago gave an impetus to create a lithograph. For half a century, the interior of the hall staircase and the stairs have not changed, but now the surveillance over the house and its inhabitants is carried out by video cameras instead of agents. Warning, video surveillance, the signs on the house walls say obligingly. ** Anatoly Vasiliev ''Yellow Glove'' / City as Artist's subjectivity. Artist's book project. Catalog. (Rus & En) — SPb: Ed. T. Markova. 2020. — 124 p. — P. 123. == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Vasiliev, Anatoly}} [[Category:Printmakers]] [[Category:Illustrators]] [[Category:Painters from Russia]] [[Category:Educators from Russia]] [[Category:Architects from Russia]] [[Category:People from St. Petersburg]] [[Category:1940 births]] [[Category:2020 deaths]] lgve8myayzx28pgk1kgcu7u0fflp3cn 0 252507 3778513 3270547 2025-07-14T12:32:26Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Architects]]; added [[Category:Architects from Canada]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778513 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Vancouver Cityscape Robson square.jpg|thumb|She designed Vancouver Cityscape Robson square]] '''[[w:Cornelia Oberlander| Cornelia Hahn Oberlander]]''' [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Order_of_Canada CC] [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Order_of_British_Columbia OBC] (20 June 1921 – 22 May 2021) was a German-born Canadian [[w:landscape architect|landscape architect]]. Her firm, Cornelia Hahn Oberlander Landscape Architects, was founded in 1953, when she moved to [[Vancouver]]. During her career she contributed to the designs of many high-profile buildings in both Canada and the United States, including the [[w:Robson Square|Robson Square]] and the [[w:Law Courts (Vancouver)|Law Courts]] Complex in Vancouver, the [[w:National Gallery of Canada|National Gallery of Canada]], the [[w:Embassy of Canada in Washington|Canadian Chancery in Washington D.C.]], the Library Square at the [[w:Vancouver Public Library|Vancouver Public Library]], the [[w:Museum of Anthropology at UBC|Museum of Anthropology]] at the University of British Columbia, and [[w:Legislative Assembly of the Northwest Territories#Assembly buildings|Northwest Territories Legislative Assembly Building]] in [[w:Yellowknife|Yellowknife]]. == Quotes == * We have, as I have pointed out again and again, a great gift of nature in our landscape. **[https://www.smith.edu/news/2020-cornelia-hahn-oberlander] when she returned to smith * Landscape architects are a combination of artists, designers, choreographers and scientists; they must also be leaders, especially in dealing with the effects of climate change. **[https://www.smith.edu/news/2020-cornelia-hahn-oberlander] when she learned that a $100,000 international landscape architecture prize was named in her honour * I work with a concept driven by the idea that people want to be surrounded by nature—it is in our genes. **[https://www.smith.edu/news/2020-cornelia-hahn-oberlander]Vancouver Sun * The freedom to create, the freedom to think differently, was unlimited. **[https://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/home-and-garden/design/trailblazer-still-raising-the-roof-one-garden-at-a-time/article19721715/]when asked how Canada has shaped her career * You lose a lot of friends, I look upon this as a life cycle. **[https://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/home-and-garden/design/trailblazer-still-raising-the-roof-one-garden-at-a-time/article19721715/]she says of the aging process. == External links== {{wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Oberlander, Cornelia}} [[Category:Architects from Canada]] [[Category:Women from Canada]] [[Category:1921 births]] [[Category:2021 deaths]] j0x4z4974mymcx3et3qiblg0kwcd57m 0 252747 3778708 3456478 2025-07-14T14:02:15Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Comedians]]; added [[Category:Comedians from South Africa]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778708 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Celeste Ntuli (cropped).jpg|thumb|Celeste Ntuli in 2022]] '''[[w:Celeste Ntuli|Celeste Ntuli]]''' (born 25 August 1978) is a South African comedian and actress. She is popularly referred to as the queen of the Zulu comedy and she is known for being the first local female comic to record a one woman show DVD. {{Comedian-stub}} == Quotes== * They can expect a dope comedy show because it will have other comedians and seeing a full capacity (audience) will excite us as comedians. ** [https://www.702.co.za/articles/454230/celeste-ntuli-returns-to-stage-with-men-and-money-at-emperors-palace Celeste Ntuli returns to stage with 'Money and Men' at Emperors Palace] by Karabo Tebele, [[w:702|702]], 9 September 2022 * I think at the beginning, comedy was just an opportunity to earn money, especially after realising how good I was at it. But I didn’t think as far as making it an actual career out of it or realising my purpose through it. It only hit me when I did So You Think You Are Funny that there is something bigger than what I had perceived. ** [https://www.sowetanlive.co.za/entertainment/2022-07-29-celeste-ntuli-busy-building-an-international-brand/ Celeste Ntuli busy building an international brand] by Amanda Maliba, Sowetan Live * I don’t want to hustle and be number one or be on top of any list anymore but I mean, if it happens it happens. I want to live a good life and I am learning to rest. Not that I am stopping work, no but I am prioritising,” she says, adding that having nothing that ties her down like a husband or a child has led her to move even when not necessary. ** [https://www.sowetanlive.co.za/entertainment/2022-07-29-celeste-ntuli-busy-building-an-international-brand Celeste Ntuli busy building an international brand]by Amanda Maliba, Sowetan Live * I’ve been a bookseller, a call centre agent, backstage crew, I’ve done lighting and sound for Gearhouse, I’ve worked at Grahamstown as part of a production crew. Let’s put it this way: I’ve had jobs, but all of those were for paying rent. ** [https://mg.co.za/article/2018-08-31-00-celeste-ntuli/ Celeste Ntuli profile] in [[w:Mail & Guardian|Mail & Guardian]] by Kwanele Sosibo 31 Aug 2018. == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Ntuli, Celeste}} [[Category:Comedians from South Africa]] [[Category:Actresses from South Africa]] [[Category:1978 births]] [[Category:Living people]] ifhiu4e90rbvpawbtg04q40vvhm8mzq 14 253037 3778599 3476060 2025-07-14T12:49:07Z UDScott 4304 Moving from [[Category:Activists]] to [[Category:Activists by issue]] using [[c:Help:Cat-a-lot|Cat-a-lot]] 3778599 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Activists by issue]] [[Category:Mental health|activists]] 1w14cj72gy9we5t33cz15iary0mnpk2 0 253460 3778672 3530350 2025-07-14T13:44:42Z UDScott 4304 −[[Category:People from Nigeria]]; ±[[Category:Comedians]]→[[Category:Comedians from Nigeria]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778672 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Emmanuella.jpg|thumb|Emmanuella in 2017]] '''[[w: Emmanuella|Emmanuella Samuel]]''' (July 22, 2010), mononymously known as Emmanuella, is a YouTube child comedian on Mark Angel's YouTube channel. Emmanuella's first appearance was on episode 34, titled "Who Mess?" == Quotes == *I will like to become a musician, an actress, a model, fashion designer and hairstylist **[https://punchng.com/this-is-not-my-real-face-is-my-favourite-skit/?amp] * I like to make people laugh and make them forget their sorrows. **[https://www.sunnewsonline.com/our-major-challenge-as-teenage-comedians-mark-angel-emmanuella/?amp] *At the early stage of acting, at first it was hard for me. But now I’ve learnt how to adjust between going to school and acting.For instance, when it’s time for me to study, I don’t allow acting to come in between it. **[https://thenationonlineng.net/combining-acting-schooling-was-hard-emmanuella/] *Everything is God’s grace. I never ‘experrit’. When God wants to use you, He will use you at the right time **[https://guardian.ng/life/emmanuella-defends-why-she-built-her-mother-a-house/] *It is the Holy Spirit that inspires my social media posts. We also draw inspiration through my upbringing and the environment that I live in. **[https://punchng.com/no-matter-fame-im-still-kid-emmanuella/] * I saw social media as a new media where you could have a voice without necessarily spending all your life savings. **[https://punchng.com/no-matter-fame-im-still-kid-emmanuella/] == External links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:2010 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Comedians from Nigeria]] [[Category:Women born in the 2010s]] 0ks88ne6yyrsnxlty8x8sssjgv8yz8u 3778673 3778672 2025-07-14T13:44:52Z UDScott 4304 added [[Category:Women from Nigeria]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778673 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Emmanuella.jpg|thumb|Emmanuella in 2017]] '''[[w: Emmanuella|Emmanuella Samuel]]''' (July 22, 2010), mononymously known as Emmanuella, is a YouTube child comedian on Mark Angel's YouTube channel. Emmanuella's first appearance was on episode 34, titled "Who Mess?" == Quotes == *I will like to become a musician, an actress, a model, fashion designer and hairstylist **[https://punchng.com/this-is-not-my-real-face-is-my-favourite-skit/?amp] * I like to make people laugh and make them forget their sorrows. **[https://www.sunnewsonline.com/our-major-challenge-as-teenage-comedians-mark-angel-emmanuella/?amp] *At the early stage of acting, at first it was hard for me. But now I’ve learnt how to adjust between going to school and acting.For instance, when it’s time for me to study, I don’t allow acting to come in between it. **[https://thenationonlineng.net/combining-acting-schooling-was-hard-emmanuella/] *Everything is God’s grace. I never ‘experrit’. When God wants to use you, He will use you at the right time **[https://guardian.ng/life/emmanuella-defends-why-she-built-her-mother-a-house/] *It is the Holy Spirit that inspires my social media posts. We also draw inspiration through my upbringing and the environment that I live in. **[https://punchng.com/no-matter-fame-im-still-kid-emmanuella/] * I saw social media as a new media where you could have a voice without necessarily spending all your life savings. **[https://punchng.com/no-matter-fame-im-still-kid-emmanuella/] == External links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:2010 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Comedians from Nigeria]] [[Category:Women born in the 2010s]] [[Category:Women from Nigeria]] qcz0e6pl18tdw2bpx6h77pasv88m1rd 0 253487 3778540 3270928 2025-07-14T12:41:55Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Architects]]; added [[Category:Architects from Nigeria]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778540 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Tosin Oshinowo|Tosin Oshinowo]]''' is a [[Nigerian]] architect, creative entrepreneur, public speaker and author. ==Quotes== *The work of public relations in architecture cannot be overemphasized in this ever-changing global space. People need to see what work is done and how great the work is. **[https://guardian.ng/life/tosin-oshinowo-a-damsel-in-mens-structural-world/ Architectural space] (23 September 2018) *The important thing is not to walk around with a chip on your shoulder or feel victimised. **[https://guardian.ng/life/tosin-oshinowo-a-damsel-in-mens-structural-world/ Speaking on her experience at architectural industry] (2018) *As an architect, you need to be very structured because you work in a business focused environment. **[https://guardian.ng/life/tosin-oshinowo-a-damsel-in-mens-structural-world/ How she manages her schedule ] *Being a creative, it is one thing to create a product, but you need to [be able to] get it to market. **[https://www.atelier55design.com/s4-e2-establishing-herself-as-an-architect-managing-multiple-businesses-and-using-insecurity-as-a-strength-with-tosin-oshinowo/ Excerpt from her interview] *It is a fulfilling 24-7 existence, with the opportunity to be the captain of your own ship, while effecting change hopefully for the betterment of many more people than just yourself. **[https://leadingladiesafrica.org/ladybossquickfive-tosin-oshinowo-says-entrepreneurship-is-about-impact/ Meaning of entrepreneurship to her] (17 May 2019) ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} [[Category:Architects from Nigeria]] [[Category:Women from Nigeria]] [[Category:Living people]] ehzmqi1t0iycmk26mvwlorq45207fe0 0 253536 3778668 3560120 2025-07-14T13:41:50Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Comedians]]; added [[Category:Comedians from Rwanda]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778668 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Eliane Umuhire MasterCard 2018 Rising Star.png|thumb|Eliane Umuhire in 2018]] '''[[w:Eliane Umuhire|Eliane Umuhire]]''' is a [[Rwanda|Rwandan]] actress and comedian born in '''[[w:Kigali|Kigali]]'''. Films she acted in include: Trees of Peace as Annick, Neptune Frost as Memory and Birds Are Singing in Kigali as Claudine Mugambira. {{woman-stub}} == Quotes == * They gave each of us their own award and it’s the first time they were doing that –giving two awards to two people for one role. ** [https://www.newtimes.co.rw/article/142351/Entertainment/eliane-umuhire-on-spreading-her-acting-wings, the movie was very powerful and our acting was equally powerful said Eliane Umuhire] (The New Times, Saturday, July 15, 2017) * I was alone in a country that the media had depicted another image to me, and what I discovered was amazing! From the people, to the country, the food, the history, the nature. ** [https://www.newtimes.co.rw/article/142351/Entertainment/eliane-umuhire-on-spreading-her-acting-wings, Eliane Umuhire said that, I spent three months in Poland shooting the film] (The New Times, Saturday, July 15, 2017) * It’s such a beautiful place. It’s a hilly city that really made me think of Kibuye because of all the corners and the hills and the city being seated on hills and valleys so it’s just charming. It’s an old, beautiful city that looks almost like a movie set. ** [https://www.newtimes.co.rw/article/142351/Entertainment/eliane-umuhire-on-spreading-her-acting-wings, Eliane Umuhire said Karlovy city where the festival was held] (The New Times, Saturday, July 15, 2017) * The first task was getting information and documenting myself to know what kind of audience comes to that festival, which category is that festival –is it just a casual festival or is it an A-class festival. This was A-class. ** [https://www.newtimes.co.rw/article/142351/Entertainment/eliane-umuhire-on-spreading-her-acting-wings, the clothes to wear mean a lot, even the make-up and the way you talk and walk, said Eliane Umuhire] (The New Times, Saturday, July 15, 2017) * All this no one had told me. I had to make my own research. Going to a movie premiere is almost like attending a wedding to me so I had to make it memorable for myself. ** [https://www.newtimes.co.rw/article/142351/Entertainment/eliane-umuhire-on-spreading-her-acting-wings, Eliane Umuhire said, Each movie had its own day to premiere] (The New Times, Saturday, July 15, 2017) *Liberation Day should be considered as a thanksgiving day to those who gave their youth, dreams and strength so that today Rwandans get to have a prosperous country as it is. **https://www.newtimes.co.rw/article/8765/entertainment/music/vox-pop-celebrities-messages-on-liberation-day The New Times, Wednesday, July 05, 2023 ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{commons category}} {{DEFAULTSORT: Eliane Umuhire}} [[Category:Actresses from Rwanda]] [[Category:Comedians from Rwanda]] [[Category:Living people]] 04d71kcmj5zkz8xbcoap3znzeebak87 0 254132 3778558 3582886 2025-07-14T12:46:03Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Architects]]; added [[Category:Architects from Brazil]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778558 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Chico Whitaker portrait April 8, 2014.jpg|thumb|Chico Whitaker in 2014]] '''[[w:Chico Whitaker|Francisco Whitaker Ferreira]]''' (born 1931), known as '''Chico Ferreira''', is a Brazilian architect, politician, and social activist. A devout [[w:Roman Catholic|Roman Catholic]], Whitaker inspires his work in the [[w:liberation theology|liberation theology]], while maintaining close ties with the Catholic Commission for Justice and Peace, a body linked to the [[w:National Conference of Bishops of Brazil|National Conference of Bishops of Brazil]]. Whitaker served as an alderman for the [[w:Workers' Party (Brazil)|Workers' Party]] in the [[w:Municipal Chamber of São Paulo|Municipal Chamber of São Paulo]] from 1989 to 1993, when he acted as the [[w:majority leader|majority leader]] for mayor [[w:Luiza Erundina|Luiza Erundina]]. He left the party in 2006, and currently serves on the advisory board of the non-profit organization [[w:WikiLeaks|WikiLeaks]]. He is also a member of the interim consultative committee of the International Organization for a Participatory Society. == Quotes == * Information is power. In pyramids, power is concentrated, so also information, which is hidden or kept to be used at the right time, with a view to accumulating and concentrating more power. In networks, power is deconcentrated, and so is information, which is distributed and disseminated so that everyone has access to the power that their possession represents. ** 1993 {{source}} == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Whitraker, Chico}} [[Category:Architects from Brazil]] [[Category:Politicians from Brazil]] [[Category:Social activists]] [[Category:Catholics from Brazil]] [[Category:1931 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:People from São Paulo]] 8mzbt4ej2tfmhadzb5ny4ztts4vdnae 0 254167 3779010 3770002 2025-07-15T02:42:40Z 2600:1004:B0AB:49BD:DC4D:D333:6094:3C75 /* Dialogue */ 3779010 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} ---- :'''Televisions:''' [[Scooby-Doo, Where Are You!]] / [[The New Scooby-Doo Movies]] / [[What's New, Scooby Doo?]] / [[Shaggy and Scooby Doo Get a Clue]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated]] / [[Be Cool, Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo and Guess Who?]] | '''Movies''': [[Scooby-Doo and the Ghoul School]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Reluctant Werewolf]] / [[Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Witch's Ghost]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Alien Invaders]] / [[Scooby-Doo and the Cyber Chase]] / [[Scooby-Doo (film)|Scooby-Doo]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Legend of the Vampire]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Monster of Mexico]] / [[Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Loch Ness Monster]] / [[Aloha, Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! in Where's My Mummy?]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Pirates Ahoy!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Goblin King]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Samurai Sword]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Abracadabra Doo]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Camp Scare]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Legend of the Phantosaur]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Music of the Vampire]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Stage Fright]] / [[Scooby-Doo! WrestleMania Mystery]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Frankencreepy]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Moon Monster Madness]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and Kiss: Rock and Roll Mystery]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and WWE: Curse of the Speed Demon]] / [[Lego Scooby-Doo! Blowout Beach Bash]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and the Gourmet Ghost]] / [[Scooby-Doo! Return to Zombie Island]] / [[Scoob!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! The Sword and the Scoob]] / [[Straight Outta Nowhere: Scooby-Doo! Meets Courage the Cowardly Dog]] / [[Trick or Treat Scooby-Doo!]] / [[Scooby-Doo! and Krypto, Too!]] | '''Spin-offs:''' [[Daphne & Velma]] | '''Specials''': [[Night of the Living Doo]] ---- <br>'''''[[w:Scooby-Doo! Return to Zombie Island|Scooby-Doo! Return to Zombie Island]]''''' is a 2019 an American film. ==Dialogue== :'''Sheriff''': [[Monsters, Inc.|You don't have to cry, Daphne, I— I'm sure we can do somethin' else?]] :'''Velma''': ''[sobs]'' It is nothing else, it's all a life's worked!? :''[Velma and Daphne sobs]'' ==Extralink== {{wikipedia}} {{Scooby-Doo}} {{Hanna-Barbera}} [[Category:2019 animated films]] [[Category:2010s American animated films]] [[Category:Scooby-Doo direct-to-video animated films]] [[Category:Sequel films]] juncr8ppgr451q6pl2la7s6fsn278s2 0 254203 3778502 3270623 2025-07-14T12:28:21Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Architects]]; added [[Category:Architects from France]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778502 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File: Ksenia Milicevic.jpg|thumb|Ksenia Milicevic in 2010]] '''{{w|Ksenia Milicevic}}''' (born September 15, 1942 in Drinici, [[Bosnia and Herzegovina]]) is a French painter, architect and town planner. == Quotes == * How to create works of art when nothing connects people to the world? If the artist remains fixed from himself to himself, without any distance in which a relationship to the world and to the other can be inscribed, his work will remain sterile as in the Greek myth of Hesiod's genesis, and is in no way different from any other object. ** Ksenia Milicevic, Art-confusion.com, De l'image d'art à l'oeuvre d'art, Edilivre, Parise, 2013, p. 45. * The beauty in a work of art is not in the prettiness of what is represented, but emanates from the work as a whole, it is its substrate and it derives from nature. ** Ksenia Milicevic, Résilience en art et art-thérapie pour la résilience, Edilivre, 2020, Paris, p. 31. * Art is about man's belonging to the world and it is through art that man, through aesthetic emotion, experiences awareness of his existence. The artist grasps the world, and the world that appears to us in fractions he restores to us in unity. ** In Which Art Therapy for Resilience, Intervention on Resilience in Art at the 4th World Congress on Resilience. Resilience-Based Practices, June 28-30, 2018 Marseille, France.<ref>https://hal.archives-ouvertes.fr/hal-02465380v2/document</ref> * I'm always scared when I think that man who is a being endowed with abilities of reflection, is not capable of solving their personal or collective disputes without violence. ** Naing Swann - Interveuw with Ksenia Milicevic, Mudita Magazine, Myanmar, septembre 2010. <ref>https://sites.google.com/site/milicevicbarousse/traductions/mudita-magazine?authuser=0</ref> == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{commonscat}} * [http://musee-saint-frajou.com/ Musée de peinture de Saint-Frajou] ==Reference== {{Reflist}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Milicevic, Ksenia}} [[Category:Painters from France]] [[Category:Architects from France]] [[Category:Women from France]] [[Category:Women artists]] [[Category:1942 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Women born in the 1940s]] 68kld4tqp436paho163s2ygcwf9jgbf 0 254275 3778809 3369621 2025-07-14T19:16:58Z AManWithNoPlan 365526 normalize urls 3778809 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Carol_Drinkwater.JPG|thumb|Carol Drinkwater in 2012]] '''{{W|Carol Drinkwater}}''' (born 22 April 1948) is a British actress, writer and filmmaker residing in France. She portrayed Helen Herriot (née Alderson) in the television adaptation of the [[James Herriot]] books ''[[w:All Creatures Great and Small (1978 TV series)|All Creatures Great and Small]]'', which led to her receiving the [[w:Variety Club|Variety Club]] Television Personality of the Year award in 1985. == Quotes == * Wander into any pub in the city and strike up a conversation. Offer to buy your companion a drink, order a Guinness and take it from there. ** {{cite interview|last=Drinkwater|first=Carol|date=30 November 2008|title=My Kind of town Dublin.|publisher=The Sunday Telegraph|url=https://www.proquest.com/docview/309557863 |via=ProQuest}}''' == External links== {{Wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Drinkwater, Carol}} [[Category:1948 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Actresses from England]] [[Category:Novelists from England]] [[Category:Women authors]] [[Category:Women born in the 1940s]] [[Category:Children's authors]] [[Category:Memoirists from the United Kingdom]] [[Category:Television personalities]] [[Category:People from London]] [[Category:Women media personalities]] 81v0u8ugx2t9x6iwt7r3eoxumb3wwdc 0 254565 3779104 3520247 2025-07-15T11:41:03Z SolarisQ 3137151 Formatting 3779104 wikitext text/x-wiki The [[Quran]] has '''[[w:Justice in the Quran|verses on justice]]'''. [[Justice]] is a central theme in the Quran, dictating the traditions of law and how they should be put into practice. There are two ways in which justice operates (within the Quran): in a legal sense and in a divine sense. Regarding justice in the legal sense, the Quran tells Muslims not only how to conduct themselves, but is also regarded as being very important regarding relationships for Muslims. == Quotes from the Quran == === Chapter 2: [[w:Al-Baqarah|Al-Baqarah]] === * '''وَلَا تَأْكُلُوٓا۟ أَمْوَٰلَكُم بَيْنَكُم بِٱلْبَـٰطِلِ وَتُدْلُوا۟ بِهَآ إِلَى ٱلْحُكَّامِ لِتَأْكُلُوا۟ فَرِيقًۭا مِّنْ أَمْوَٰلِ ٱلنَّاسِ بِٱلْإِثْمِ وَأَنتُمْ تَعْلَمُونَ''' ** [http://quran.com/2/188 Quran 2:188] ** Translations: *** Do not consume one another's wealth unjustly, nor deliberately bribe authorities in order to devour a portion of others’ property, knowing that it is a sin. **** [http://quran.com/2/188?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** And eat up not one another's property unjustly (in any illegal way e.g. stealing, robbing, deceiving, etc.), nor give bribery to the rulers (judges before presenting your cases) that you may knowingly eat up a part of the property of others sinfully.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 4: [[w:An-Nisa|An-Nisa]] === * '''إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يَأْمُرُكُمْ أَن تُؤَدُّوا۟ ٱلْأَمَـٰنَـٰتِ إِلَىٰٓ أَهْلِهَا وَإِذَا حَكَمْتُم بَيْنَ ٱلنَّاسِ أَن تَحْكُمُوا۟ بِٱلْعَدْلِ ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ نِعِمَّا يَعِظُكُم بِهِۦٓ ۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ كَانَ سَمِيعًۢا بَصِيرًۭا''' ** [http://quran.com/4/58 Quran 4:58] ** Translations: *** Indeed, Allah commands you to return trusts to their rightful owners; and when you judge between people, judge with fairness. What a noble commandment from Allah to you! Surely Allah is All-Hearing, All-Seeing. **** [http://quran.com/4/58?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Verily! Allah commands that you should render back the trusts to those to whom they are due; and that when you judge between men, you judge with justice. Verily, how excellent is the teaching which He (Allah) gives you! Truly, Allah is Ever All-Hearer, All-Seer.{{Citation needed}} * '''فَلَا وَرَبِّكَ لَا يُؤْمِنُونَ حَتَّىٰ يُحَكِّمُوكَ فِيمَا شَجَرَ بَيْنَهُمْ ثُمَّ لَا يَجِدُوا۟ فِىٓ أَنفُسِهِمْ حَرَجًۭا مِّمَّا قَضَيْتَ وَيُسَلِّمُوا۟ تَسْلِيمًۭا''' ** [http://quran.com/4/65 Quran 4:65] ** Translations: *** But no! By your Lord, they will never be ˹true˺ believers until they accept you ˹O Prophet˺ as the judge in their disputes, and find no resistance within themselves against your decision and submit wholeheartedly. **** [http://quran.com/4/65?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** But no, by your Lord, they can have no Faith, until they make you (O Muhammad) judge in all disputes between them, and find in themselves no resistance against your decisions, and accept (them) with full submission.{{Citation needed}} * '''وَمَا كَانَ لِمُؤْمِنٍ أَن يَقْتُلَ مُؤْمِنًا إِلَّا خَطَـًۭٔا ۚ وَمَن قَتَلَ مُؤْمِنًا خَطَـًۭٔا فَتَحْرِيرُ رَقَبَةٍۢ مُّؤْمِنَةٍۢ وَدِيَةٌۭ مُّسَلَّمَةٌ إِلَىٰٓ أَهْلِهِۦٓ إِلَّآ أَن يَصَّدَّقُوا۟ ۚ فَإِن كَانَ مِن قَوْمٍ عَدُوٍّۢ لَّكُمْ وَهُوَ مُؤْمِنٌۭ فَتَحْرِيرُ رَقَبَةٍۢ مُّؤْمِنَةٍۢ ۖ وَإِن كَانَ مِن قَوْمٍۭ بَيْنَكُمْ وَبَيْنَهُم مِّيثَـٰقٌۭ فَدِيَةٌۭ مُّسَلَّمَةٌ إِلَىٰٓ أَهْلِهِۦ وَتَحْرِيرُ رَقَبَةٍۢ مُّؤْمِنَةٍۢ ۖ فَمَن لَّمْ يَجِدْ فَصِيَامُ شَهْرَيْنِ مُتَتَابِعَيْنِ تَوْبَةًۭ مِّنَ ٱللَّهِ ۗ وَكَانَ ٱللَّهُ عَلِيمًا حَكِيمًۭا''' ** [http://quran.com/4/92 Quran 4:92] ** Translations: *** It is not lawful for a believer to kill another except by mistake. And whoever kills a believer unintentionally must free a believing slave and pay blood-money to the victim's family—unless they waive it charitably. But if the victim is a believer from a hostile people, then a believing slave must be freed. And if the victim is from a people bound with you in a treaty, then blood-money must be paid to the family along with freeing a believing slave. Those who are unable, let them fast two consecutive months—as a means of repentance to Allah. And Allah is All-Knowing, All-Wise. **** [http://quran.com/4/92?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** It is not for a believer to kill a believer except (that it be) by mistake; and whosoever kills a believer by mistake, (it is ordained that) he must set free a believing slave and a compensation (blood-money, i.e. Diya) be given to the deceased's family unless they remit it. If the deceased belonged to a people at war with you and he was a believer, the freeing of a believing slave (is prescribed); and if he belonged to a people with whom you have a treaty of mutual alliance, compensation (blood-money - Diya) must be paid to his family, and a believing slave must be freed. And who so finds this (the penance of freeing a slave) beyond his means, he must fast for two consecutive months in order to seek repentance from Allah. And Allah is Ever All-Knowing, All-Wise.{{Citation needed}} * '''يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ كُونُوا۟ قَوَّٰمِينَ بِٱلْقِسْطِ شُهَدَآءَ لِلَّهِ وَلَوْ عَلَىٰٓ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَوِ ٱلْوَٰلِدَيْنِ وَٱلْأَقْرَبِينَ ۚ إِن يَكُنْ غَنِيًّا أَوْ فَقِيرًۭا فَٱللَّهُ أَوْلَىٰ بِهِمَا ۖ فَلَا تَتَّبِعُوا۟ ٱلْهَوَىٰٓ أَن تَعْدِلُوا۟ ۚ وَإِن تَلْوُۥٓا۟ أَوْ تُعْرِضُوا۟ فَإِنَّ ٱللَّهَ كَانَ بِمَا تَعْمَلُونَ خَبِيرًۭا''' ** [http://quran.com/4/135 Quran 4:135] ** Translations: *** O believers! Stand firm for justice as witnesses for Allah even if it is against yourselves, your parents, or close relatives. Be they rich or poor, Allah is best to ensure their interests. So do not let your desires cause you to deviate ˹from justice˺. If you distort the testimony or refuse to give it, then ˹know that˺ Allah is certainly All-Aware of what you do. **** [http://quran.com/4/135?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** O ye who believe! Be ye staunch in justice, witnesses for Allah, even though it be against yourselves or (your) parents or (your) kindred, whether (the case be of) a rich man or a poor man, for Allah is nearer unto both (them ye are). So follow not passion lest ye lapse (from truth) and if ye lapse or fall away, then lo! Allah is ever Informed of what ye do.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 5: [[w:Al-Ma'idah|Al-Ma'idah]] === * '''يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوٓا۟ أَوْفُوا۟ بِٱلْعُقُودِ ۚ أُحِلَّتْ لَكُم بَهِيمَةُ ٱلْأَنْعَـٰمِ إِلَّا مَا يُتْلَىٰ عَلَيْكُمْ غَيْرَ مُحِلِّى ٱلصَّيْدِ وَأَنتُمْ حُرُمٌ ۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يَحْكُمُ مَا يُرِيدُ''' ** [http://quran.com/5/1 Quran 5:1] ** Translations: *** O believers! Honour your obligations. All grazing livestock has been made lawful to you—except what is hereby announced to you and hunting while on pilgrimage. Indeed, Allah commands what He wills. **** [http://quran.com/5/1?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** O you who believe! Fulfil (your) obligations. Lawful to you (for food) are all the beasts of cattle except that which will be announced to you (herein), game (also) being unlawful when you assume Ihrâm for Hajj or 'Umrah (pilgrimage). Verily, Allâh commands that which He wills.{{Citation needed}} * '''وَٱلسَّارِقُ وَٱلسَّارِقَةُ [[w:Hudud#Quran|فَٱقْطَعُوٓا۟ أَيْدِيَهُمَا]] جَزَآءًۢ بِمَا كَسَبَا نَكَـٰلًۭا مِّنَ ٱللَّهِ ۗ وَٱللَّهُ عَزِيزٌ حَكِيمٌۭ''' ** [http://quran.com/5/38 Quran 5:38] ** Translations: *** As for male and female thieves, [[w:Hudud#Quran|cut off their hands]] for what they have done—a deterrent from Allah. And Allah is Almighty, All-Wise. **** [http://quran.com/5/38?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** And (as for) the male thief and the female thief, [[w:Hudud#Quran|cut off (from the wrist joint) their (right) hands]] as a recompense for that which they committed, a punishment by way of example from Allâh. And Allâh is All-Powerful, All-Wise.{{Citation needed}} * '''سَمَّـٰعُونَ لِلْكَذِبِ أَكَّـٰلُونَ لِلسُّحْتِ ۚ فَإِن جَآءُوكَ فَٱحْكُم بَيْنَهُمْ أَوْ أَعْرِضْ عَنْهُمْ ۖ وَإِن تُعْرِضْ عَنْهُمْ فَلَن يَضُرُّوكَ شَيْـًۭٔا ۖ وَإِنْ حَكَمْتَ فَٱحْكُم بَيْنَهُم بِٱلْقِسْطِ ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يُحِبُّ ٱلْمُقْسِطِينَ''' ** [http://quran.com/5/42 Quran 5:42] ** Translations: *** They eagerly listen to falsehood and consume forbidden gain. So if they come to you ˹O Prophet˺, either judge between them or turn away from them. If you turn away from them, they cannot harm you whatsoever. But if you judge between them, then do so with justice. Surely Allah loves those who are just. **** [http://quran.com/5/42?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** (They like to) listen to falsehood, to devour anything forbidden. So if they come to you (O Muhammad), either judge between them, or turn away from them. If you turn away from them, they cannot hurt you in the least. And if you judge, judge with justice between them. Verily, Allâh loves those who act justly.{{Citation needed}} * '''وَكَيْفَ يُحَكِّمُونَكَ وَعِندَهُمُ ٱلتَّوْرَىٰةُ فِيهَا حُكْمُ ٱللَّهِ ثُمَّ يَتَوَلَّوْنَ مِنۢ بَعْدِ ذَٰلِكَ ۚ وَمَآ أُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ بِٱلْمُؤْمِنِينَ''' ** [http://quran.com/5/43 Quran 5:43] ** Translations: *** But why do they come to you for judgment when they ˹already˺ have the Torah containing Allah's judgment, then they turn away after all? They are not ˹true˺ believers. **** [http://quran.com/5/43?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** But how do they come to you for decision while they have the Taurât (Torah), in which is the (plain) Decision of Allâh; yet even after that, they turn away. For they are not (really) believers.{{Citation needed}} * '''إِنَّآ أَنزَلْنَا ٱلتَّوْرَىٰةَ فِيهَا هُدًۭى وَنُورٌۭ ۚ يَحْكُمُ بِهَا ٱلنَّبِيُّونَ ٱلَّذِينَ أَسْلَمُوا۟ لِلَّذِينَ هَادُوا۟ وَٱلرَّبَّـٰنِيُّونَ وَٱلْأَحْبَارُ بِمَا ٱسْتُحْفِظُوا۟ مِن كِتَـٰبِ ٱللَّهِ وَكَانُوا۟ عَلَيْهِ شُهَدَآءَ ۚ فَلَا تَخْشَوُا۟ ٱلنَّاسَ وَٱخْشَوْنِ وَلَا تَشْتَرُوا۟ بِـَٔايَـٰتِى ثَمَنًۭا قَلِيلًۭا ۚ وَمَن لَّمْ يَحْكُم بِمَآ أَنزَلَ ٱللَّهُ فَأُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ هُمُ ٱلْكَـٰفِرُونَ''' ** [http://quran.com/5/44 Quran 5:44] ** Translations: *** Indeed, We revealed the Torah, containing guidance and light, by which the prophets, who submitted themselves to Allah, made judgments for Jews. So too did the rabbis and scholars judge according to Allah's Book, with which they were entrusted and of which they were made keepers. So do not fear the people; fear Me! Nor trade my revelations for a fleeting gain. And those who do not judge by what Allah has revealed are ˹truly˺ the disbelievers. **** [http://quran.com/5/44?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Verily, We did send down the Taurât (Torah) [to Mûsâ (Moses)], therein was guidance and light, by which the Prophets, who submitted themselves to Allâh's Will, judged for the Jews. And the rabbis and the priests [too judged for the Jews by the Taurât (Torah) after those Prophets], for to them was entrusted the protection of Allâh's Book, and they were witnesses thereto. Therefore fear not men but fear Me (O Jews) and sell not My Verses for a miserable price. And whosoever does not judge by what Allah has revealed, such are the Kâfirûn (i.e. disbelievers – of a lesser degree as they do not act on Allâh's Laws).{{Citation needed}} * '''وَكَتَبْنَا عَلَيْهِمْ فِيهَآ أَنَّ ٱلنَّفْسَ بِٱلنَّفْسِ وَٱلْعَيْنَ بِٱلْعَيْنِ وَٱلْأَنفَ بِٱلْأَنفِ وَٱلْأُذُنَ بِٱلْأُذُنِ وَٱلسِّنَّ بِٱلسِّنِّ وَٱلْجُرُوحَ قِصَاصٌۭ ۚ فَمَن تَصَدَّقَ بِهِۦ فَهُوَ كَفَّارَةٌۭ لَّهُۥ ۚ وَمَن لَّمْ يَحْكُم بِمَآ أَنزَلَ ٱللَّهُ فَأُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ هُمُ ٱلظَّـٰلِمُونَ''' ** [http://quran.com/5/45 Quran 5:45] ** Translations: *** We ordained for them in the Torah, "A life for a life, an eye for an eye, a nose for a nose, an ear for an ear, a tooth for a tooth—and for wounds equal retaliation." But whoever waives it charitably, it will be atonement for them. And those who do not judge by what Allah has revealed are ˹truly˺ the wrongdoers. **** [http://quran.com/5/45?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** And We ordained therein for them (The Jews): "Life for life, eye for eye, nose for nose, ear for ear, tooth for tooth, and wounds equal for equal." But if anyone remits the retaliation by way of charity, it shall be for him an expiation. And whosoever does not judge by that which Allah has revealed, such are the Zâlimûn (polytheists and wrong-doers – of a lesser degree).{{Citation needed}} * '''وَلْيَحْكُمْ أَهْلُ ٱلْإِنجِيلِ بِمَآ أَنزَلَ ٱللَّهُ فِيهِ ۚ وَمَن لَّمْ يَحْكُم بِمَآ أَنزَلَ ٱللَّهُ فَأُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ هُمُ ٱلْفَـٰسِقُونَ''' ** [http://quran.com/5/47 Quran 5:47] ** Translations: *** So let the people of the Gospel judge by what Allah has revealed in it. And those who do not judge by what Allah has revealed are ˹truly˺ the rebellious. **** [http://quran.com/5/47?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Let the people of the Injeel (Gospel) judge by what Allah has revealed therein. And whosoever does not judge by what Allah has revealed (then) such (people) are the Fâsiqûn [the rebellious i.e. disobedient (of a lesser degree)] to Allah.{{Citation needed}} * '''وَأَنِ ٱحْكُم بَيْنَهُم بِمَآ أَنزَلَ ٱللَّهُ وَلَا تَتَّبِعْ أَهْوَآءَهُمْ وَٱحْذَرْهُمْ أَن يَفْتِنُوكَ عَنۢ بَعْضِ مَآ أَنزَلَ ٱللَّهُ إِلَيْكَ ۖ فَإِن تَوَلَّوْا۟ فَٱعْلَمْ أَنَّمَا يُرِيدُ ٱللَّهُ أَن يُصِيبَهُم بِبَعْضِ ذُنُوبِهِمْ ۗ وَإِنَّ كَثِيرًۭا مِّنَ ٱلنَّاسِ لَفَـٰسِقُونَ''' ** [http://quran.com/5/49 Quran 5:49] ** Translations: *** And judge between them ˹O Prophet˺ by what Allah has revealed, and do not follow their desires. And beware, so they do not lure you away from some of what Allah has revealed to you. If they turn away ˹from Allah's judgment˺, then know that it is Allah's Will to repay them for some of their sins, and that many people are indeed rebellious. **** [http://quran.com/5/49?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** And so judge (you O Muhammad) among them by what Allah has revealed and follow not their vain desires, but beware of them lest they turn you (O Muhammad) far away from some of that which Allâh has sent down to you. And if they turn away, then know that Allâh's Will is to punish them for some sins of theirs. And truly, most of men are Fâsiqûn (rebellious and disobedient to Allah).{{Citation needed}} * '''أَفَحُكْمَ ٱلْجَـٰهِلِيَّةِ يَبْغُونَ ۚ وَمَنْ أَحْسَنُ مِنَ ٱللَّهِ حُكْمًۭا لِّقَوْمٍۢ يُوقِنُونَ''' ** [http://quran.com/5/50 Quran 5:50] ** Translations: *** Is it the judgment of ˹pre-Islamic˺ ignorance they seek? Who could be a better judge than Allah for people of sure faith? **** [http://quran.com/5/50?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Do they then seek the judgement of (the days of) Ignorance? (pre-Islam) And who is better in judgement than Allah for a people who have firm Faith.{{Citation needed}} * '''لَا يُؤَاخِذُكُمُ ٱللَّهُ بِٱللَّغْوِ فِىٓ أَيْمَـٰنِكُمْ وَلَـٰكِن يُؤَاخِذُكُم بِمَا عَقَّدتُّمُ ٱلْأَيْمَـٰنَ ۖ فَكَفَّـٰرَتُهُۥٓ إِطْعَامُ عَشَرَةِ مَسَـٰكِينَ مِنْ أَوْسَطِ مَا تُطْعِمُونَ أَهْلِيكُمْ أَوْ كِسْوَتُهُمْ أَوْ تَحْرِيرُ رَقَبَةٍۢ ۖ فَمَن لَّمْ يَجِدْ فَصِيَامُ ثَلَـٰثَةِ أَيَّامٍۢ ۚ ذَٰلِكَ كَفَّـٰرَةُ أَيْمَـٰنِكُمْ إِذَا حَلَفْتُمْ ۚ وَٱحْفَظُوٓا۟ أَيْمَـٰنَكُمْ ۚ كَذَٰلِكَ يُبَيِّنُ ٱللَّهُ لَكُمْ ءَايَـٰتِهِۦ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَشْكُرُونَ''' ** [http://quran.com/5/89 Quran 5:89] ** Translations: *** Allah will not call you to account for your thoughtless oaths, but He will hold you accountable for deliberate oaths. The penalty for a broken oath is to feed ten poor people from what you normally feed your own family, or to clothe them, or to free a bondsperson. But if none of this is affordable, then you must fast three days. This is the penalty for breaking your oaths. So be mindful of your oaths. This is how Allah makes things clear to you, so perhaps you will be grateful. **** [http://quran.com/5/89?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Allah will not punish you for the oaths you make accidentally, but He will punish you for the oaths you make intentionally; for the expiation of oaths made or violated accidentally feed ten Masakin (poor persons), on a scale of the average of that with which you feed your own families; or clothe them; or manumit a slave. But whosoever cannot afford (that), then he should fast for three days. That is the expiation for the oaths that you have sworn or broken accidentally. So protect your intentional oaths as Allah has made it clear to you in His Ayat so that you may be grateful.{{Citation needed}} * '''يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ لَا تَقْتُلُوا۟ ٱلصَّيْدَ وَأَنتُمْ حُرُمٌۭ ۚ وَمَن قَتَلَهُۥ مِنكُم مُّتَعَمِّدًۭا فَجَزَآءٌۭ مِّثْلُ مَا قَتَلَ مِنَ ٱلنَّعَمِ يَحْكُمُ بِهِۦ ذَوَا عَدْلٍۢ مِّنكُمْ هَدْيًۢا بَـٰلِغَ ٱلْكَعْبَةِ أَوْ كَفَّـٰرَةٌۭ طَعَامُ مَسَـٰكِينَ أَوْ عَدْلُ ذَٰلِكَ صِيَامًۭا لِّيَذُوقَ وَبَالَ أَمْرِهِۦ ۗ عَفَا ٱللَّهُ عَمَّا سَلَفَ ۚ وَمَنْ عَادَ فَيَنتَقِمُ ٱللَّهُ مِنْهُ ۗ وَٱللَّهُ عَزِيزٌۭ ذُو ٱنتِقَامٍ''' ** [http://quran.com/5/95 Quran 5:95] ** Translations: *** O believers! Do not kill game while on pilgrimage. Whoever kills game intentionally must compensate by offering its equivalence—as judged by two just men among you—to be offered at the Sacred House, or by feeding the needy, or by fasting so that they may taste the consequences of their violations. Allah has forgiven what has been done. But those who persist will be punished by Allah. And Allah is Almighty, capable of punishment. **** [http://quran.com/5/95?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** O you who believe! Kill not the game while you are in a state of Ihrâm [for Hajj or ‘Umrah (pilgrimage)], and whosoever of you kills it intentionally, the penalty is an offering, brought to the Ka'bah, of an eatable animal (i.e. sheep, goat, cow) equivalent to the one he killed, as adjudged by two just men among you; or, for expiation, he should feed Masâkîn (poor persons), or its equivalent in Saum (fasting), that he may taste the heaviness (punishment) of his deed. Allâh has forgiven what is past, but whosoever commits it again, Allâh will take retribution from him. And Allâh is All-Mighty, All-Able of Retribution.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 6: [[w:Al-An'am|Al-An'am]] === * '''قُلْ إِنِّى عَلَىٰ بَيِّنَةٍۢ مِّن رَّبِّى وَكَذَّبْتُم بِهِۦ ۚ مَا عِندِى مَا تَسْتَعْجِلُونَ بِهِۦٓ ۚ إِنِ ٱلْحُكْمُ إِلَّا لِلَّهِ ۖ يَقُصُّ ٱلْحَقَّ ۖ وَهُوَ خَيْرُ ٱلْفَـٰصِلِينَ''' ** [http://quran.com/6/57 Quran 6:57] *** Say, ˹O Prophet,˺ "Indeed, I stand on a clear proof from my Lord—yet you have denied it. That ˹torment˺ you seek to hasten is not within my power. It is only Allah Who decides ˹its time˺. He declares the truth. And He is the Best of Judges." **** [http://quran.com/6/57?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Say (O [[Muhammad]]): "I am on clear proof from my Lord (Islâmic Monotheism), but you deny it (the truth that has come to me from Allâh). I have not gotten what you are asking for impatiently (the torment). The decision is only for Allah, He declares the truth, and He is the Best of judges."{{Citation needed}} * '''ثُمَّ رُدُّوٓا۟ إِلَى ٱللَّهِ مَوْلَىٰهُمُ ٱلْحَقِّ ۚ أَلَا لَهُ ٱلْحُكْمُ وَهُوَ أَسْرَعُ ٱلْحَـٰسِبِينَ''' ** [http://quran.com/6/62 Quran 6:62] *** Then they are ˹all˺ returned to Allah—their True Master. Judgment is His ˹alone˺. And He is the Swiftest Reckoner. **** [http://quran.com/6/62?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Then they are returned to Allah, their True Maulâ [True Master (God), the Just Lord (to reward them)]. Surely, for Him is the judgement and He is the Swiftest in taking account.{{Citation needed}} * '''أَفَغَيْرَ ٱللَّهِ أَبْتَغِى حَكَمًۭا وَهُوَ ٱلَّذِىٓ أَنزَلَ إِلَيْكُمُ ٱلْكِتَـٰبَ مُفَصَّلًۭا ۚ وَٱلَّذِينَ ءَاتَيْنَـٰهُمُ ٱلْكِتَـٰبَ يَعْلَمُونَ أَنَّهُۥ مُنَزَّلٌۭ مِّن رَّبِّكَ بِٱلْحَقِّ ۖ فَلَا تَكُونَنَّ مِنَ ٱلْمُمْتَرِينَ''' ** [http://quran.com/6/114 Quran 6:114] ** Translations: *** ˹Say, O Prophet,˺ “Should I seek a judge other than Allah while He is the One Who has revealed for you the Book ˹with the truth˺ perfectly explained?” Those who were given the Scripture know that it has been revealed ˹to you˺ from your Lord in truth. So do not be one of those who doubt. **** [http://quran.com/6/114?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** [Say (O Muhammad)] "Shall I seek a judge other than Allah while it is He Who has sent down unto you the [[Quran|Book]] (the [[Quran|Qurân]]), explained in detail." Those unto whom We gave the Scripture [the [[w:Torah|Taurât]] (Torah) and the [[w:Gospel|Injeel]] (Gospel)] know that it is revealed from your Lord in truth. So be not you of those who doubt.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 7: [[w:Al-A'raf|Al-A'raf]] === * '''وَإِن كَانَ طَآئِفَةٌۭ مِّنكُمْ ءَامَنُوا۟ بِٱلَّذِىٓ أُرْسِلْتُ بِهِۦ وَطَآئِفَةٌۭ لَّمْ يُؤْمِنُوا۟ فَٱصْبِرُوا۟ حَتَّىٰ يَحْكُمَ ٱللَّهُ بَيْنَنَا ۚ وَهُوَ خَيْرُ ٱلْحَـٰكِمِينَ''' ** [http://quran.com/7/87 Quran 7:87] ** Translations: *** If some of you do believe in what I have been sent with while others do not, then be patient until Allah judges between us. He is the Best of Judges. **** [http://quran.com/7/87?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** And if there is a party of you who believe in that with which I have been sent and a party who do not believe, so be patient until [[Allah]] judges between us, and He is the Best of judges.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 9: [[w:At-Tawbah|At-Tawbah]] === * '''وَءَاخَرُونَ مُرْجَوْنَ لِأَمْرِ ٱللَّهِ إِمَّا يُعَذِّبُهُمْ وَإِمَّا يَتُوبُ عَلَيْهِمْ ۗ وَٱللَّهُ عَلِيمٌ حَكِيمٌۭ''' ** [http://quran.com/9/106 Quran 9:106] ** Translations: *** And some others are left for Allah's decision, either to punish them or turn to them in mercy. And Allah is All-Knowing, All-Wise. **** [http://quran.com/9/106?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** And others are made to await for Allâh's Decree, whether He will punish them or will forgive them. And Allâh is All-Knowing, All-Wise.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 10: [[w:Yunus (surah)|Yunus]] === * '''قُلْ هَلْ مِن شُرَكَآئِكُم مَّن يَهْدِىٓ إِلَى ٱلْحَقِّ ۚ قُلِ ٱللَّهُ يَهْدِى لِلْحَقِّ ۗ أَفَمَن يَهْدِىٓ إِلَى ٱلْحَقِّ أَحَقُّ أَن يُتَّبَعَ أَمَّن لَّا يَهِدِّىٓ إِلَّآ أَن يُهْدَىٰ ۖ فَمَا لَكُمْ كَيْفَ تَحْكُمُونَ''' ** [http://quran.com/10/35 Quran 10:35] ** Translations: *** Ask ˹them, O Prophet˺, "Can any of your associate-gods guide to the truth?" Say, "˹Only˺ Allah guides to the truth." Who then is more worthy to be followed: the One Who guides to the truth or those who cannot find the way unless guided? What is the matter with you? How do you judge? **** [http://quran.com/10/35?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Say: "Is there of your (Allah's so-called) partners one that guides to the truth?" Say: "It is [[Allah]] Who guides to the truth. Is then He Who guides to the truth more worthy to be followed, or he who finds not guidance (himself) unless he is guided? Then, what is the matter with you? How judge you?"{{Citation needed}} * '''وَٱتَّبِعْ مَا يُوحَىٰٓ إِلَيْكَ وَٱصْبِرْ حَتَّىٰ يَحْكُمَ ٱللَّهُ ۚ وَهُوَ خَيْرُ ٱلْحَـٰكِمِينَ''' ** [http://quran.com/10/109 Quran 10:109] ** Translations: *** And follow what is revealed to you, and be patient until Allah passes His judgment. For He is the Best of Judges. **** [http://quran.com/10/109?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** And (O [[Muhammad]]), follow the revelation sent unto you, and be patient till [[Allah]] gives judgement. And He is the Best of judges.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 13: [[w:Ar-Ra'd|Ar-Ra'd]] === * '''وَكَذَٰلِكَ أَنزَلْنَـٰهُ حُكْمًا عَرَبِيًّۭا ۚ وَلَئِنِ ٱتَّبَعْتَ أَهْوَآءَهُم بَعْدَ مَا جَآءَكَ مِنَ ٱلْعِلْمِ مَا لَكَ مِنَ ٱللَّهِ مِن وَلِىٍّۢ وَلَا وَاقٍۢ''' ** [http://quran.com/13/37 Quran 13:37] ** Translations: *** And so We have revealed it as an authority in Arabic. And if you were to follow their desires after ˹all˺ the knowledge that has come to you, there would be none to protect or shield you from Allah. **** [http://quran.com/13/37?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** And thus have We sent it (the [[Quran]]) down to be a judgement of authority in Arabic. Were you (O Muhammad) to follow their (vain) desires after the knowledge which has come to you, then you will not have any Walî (protector) or Wâq (defender) against [[Allah]].{{Citation needed}} * '''أَوَلَمْ يَرَوْا۟ أَنَّا نَأْتِى ٱلْأَرْضَ نَنقُصُهَا مِنْ أَطْرَافِهَا ۚ وَٱللَّهُ يَحْكُمُ لَا مُعَقِّبَ لِحُكْمِهِۦ ۚ وَهُوَ سَرِيعُ ٱلْحِسَابِ''' ** [http://quran.com/13/41 Quran 13:41] ** Translations: *** Do they not see that We gradually reduce their land from its borders? Allah decides—none can reverse His decision. And He is swift in reckoning. **** [http://quran.com/13/41?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** See they not that We gradually reduce the land (of the disbelievers, by giving it to the believers, in war victories) from its outlying borders. And Allâh judges, there is none to put back His Judgement and He is Swift at reckoning.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 16: [[w:An-Nahl|An-Nahl]] === * '''يَتَوَٰرَىٰ مِنَ ٱلْقَوْمِ مِن سُوٓءِ مَا بُشِّرَ بِهِۦٓ ۚ أَيُمْسِكُهُۥ عَلَىٰ هُونٍ أَمْ يَدُسُّهُۥ فِى ٱلتُّرَابِ ۗ أَلَا سَآءَ مَا يَحْكُمُونَ''' ** [http://quran.com/16/59 Quran 16:59] ** Translations: *** He hides himself from the people because of the bad news he has received. Should he keep her in disgrace, or bury her ˹alive˺ in the ground? Evil indeed is their judgment! **** [http://quran.com/16/59?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** He hides himself from the people because of the evil of that whereof he has been informed. Shall he keep her with dishonor or bury her in the earth (female infanticide)? Certainly, evil is their decision.{{Citation needed}} * '''إِنَّمَا جُعِلَ ٱلسَّبْتُ عَلَى ٱلَّذِينَ ٱخْتَلَفُوا۟ فِيهِ ۚ وَإِنَّ رَبَّكَ لَيَحْكُمُ بَيْنَهُمْ يَوْمَ ٱلْقِيَـٰمَةِ فِيمَا كَانُوا۟ فِيهِ يَخْتَلِفُونَ''' ** [http://quran.com/16/124 Quran 16:124] ** Translations: *** ˹Honouring˺ the Sabbath was ordained only for those who disputed about Abraham. And surely your Lord will judge between them on the Day of Judgment regarding their disputes. **** [http://quran.com/16/124?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** The Sabbath was only prescribed for those who differed concerning it, and verily, your Lord will judge between them on the Day of Resurrection about that wherein they used to differ.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 21: [[w:Al-Anbiya|Al-Anbiya]] === * '''قَـٰلَ رَبِّ ٱحْكُم بِٱلْحَقِّ ۗ وَرَبُّنَا ٱلرَّحْمَـٰنُ ٱلْمُسْتَعَانُ عَلَىٰ مَا تَصِفُونَ''' ** [http://quran.com/21/112 Quran 21:112] ** Translations: *** ˹In the end,˺ the Prophet said, “My Lord! Judge ˹between us˺ in truth. And our Lord is the Most Compassionate, Whose help is sought against what you claim. **** [http://quran.com/21/112?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** He (Muhammad) said: "My Lord! Judge You in truth! Our Lord is the Most Gracious, Whose Help is to be sought against that which you attribute (unto Allâh that He has offspring, and unto Muhammad that he is a sorcerer, and unto the [[Quran]] that it is poetry)!"{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 22: [[w:Al-Hajj|Al-Hajj]] === * '''وَمَآ أَرْسَلْنَا مِن قَبْلِكَ مِن رَّسُولٍۢ وَلَا نَبِىٍّ إِلَّآ إِذَا تَمَنَّىٰٓ أَلْقَى ٱلشَّيْطَـٰنُ فِىٓ أُمْنِيَّتِهِۦ فَيَنسَخُ ٱللَّهُ مَا يُلْقِى ٱلشَّيْطَـٰنُ ثُمَّ يُحْكِمُ ٱللَّهُ ءَايَـٰتِهِۦ ۗ وَٱللَّهُ عَلِيمٌ حَكِيمٌۭ''' ** [http://quran.com/22/52 Quran 22:52] ** Translations: *** Whenever We sent a messenger or a prophet before you ˹O Prophet˺ and he recited ˹Our revelations˺, Satan would influence ˹people’s understanding of˺ his recitation. But ˹eventually˺ Allah would eliminate Satan’s influence. Then Allah would ˹firmly˺ establish His revelations. And Allah is All-Knowing, All-Wise. **** [http://quran.com/22/52?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Never did We send a Messenger or a Prophet before you but when he did recite the revelation or narrated or spoke, Shaitân (Satan) threw (some falsehood) in it. But [[Allah]] abolishes that which Shaitân (Satan) throws in. Then [[Allah]] establishes His Revelations. And [[Allah]] is All-Knower, All-Wise.{{Citation needed}} * '''ٱلْمُلْكُ يَوْمَئِذٍۢ لِّلَّهِ يَحْكُمُ بَيْنَهُمْ ۚ فَٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ وَعَمِلُوا۟ ٱلصَّـٰلِحَـٰتِ فِى جَنَّـٰتِ ٱلنَّعِيمِ''' ** [http://quran.com/22/56 Quran 22:56] ** Translations: *** All authority on that Day is for Allah ˹alone˺. He will judge between them. So those who believe and do good will be in the Gardens of Bliss. **** [http://quran.com/22/56?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** The sovereignty on that Day will be that of Allâh (the One Who has no partners). He will judge between them. So those who believed (in the Oneness of Allâh - Islâmic Monotheism) and did righteous good deeds will be in Gardens of delight (Paradise).{{Citation needed}} * '''لَيُدْخِلَنَّهُم مُّدْخَلًۭا يَرْضَوْنَهُۥ ۗ وَإِنَّ ٱللَّهَ لَعَلِيمٌ حَلِيمٌۭ''' ** [http://quran.com/22/59 Quran 22:59] ** Translations: *** He will certainly admit them into a place they will be pleased with. For Allah is truly All-Knowing, Most Forbearing. **** [http://quran.com/22/59?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** [[Allah]] will judge between you on the Day of Resurrection about that wherein you used to differ.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 24: [[w:An-Nur|An-Nur]] === * '''إِنَّمَا كَانَ قَوْلَ ٱلْمُؤْمِنِينَ إِذَا دُعُوٓا۟ إِلَى ٱللَّهِ وَرَسُولِهِۦ لِيَحْكُمَ بَيْنَهُمْ أَن يَقُولُوا۟ سَمِعْنَا وَأَطَعْنَا ۚ وَأُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ هُمُ ٱلْمُفْلِحُونَ''' ** [http://quran.com/24/51 Quran 24:51] ** Translations: *** The only response of the ˹true˺ believers, when they are called to Allah and His Messenger so he may judge between them, is to say, "We hear and obey." It is they who will ˹truly˺ succeed. **** [http://quran.com/24/51?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** The only saying of the faithful believers, when they are called to [[Allah]] (His Words, the [[Quran]]) and His Messenger, to judge between them, is that they say: "We hear and we obey." And such are the successful (who will live forever in [[Jannah|Paradise]]).{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 27: [[w:Ash-Shu'ara|Ash-Shu'ara]] === * '''إِنَّ رَبَّكَ يَقْضِى بَيْنَهُم بِحُكْمِهِۦ ۚ وَهُوَ ٱلْعَزِيزُ ٱلْعَلِيمُ''' ** [http://quran.com/27/78 Quran 27:78] ** Translations: *** Your Lord will certainly judge between them by His justice, for He is the Almighty, All-Knowing. **** [http://quran.com/27/78?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Verily, your Lord will decide between them (various sects) by His Judgement. And He is the All-Mighty, the All-Knowing.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 28: [[w:Al-Qasas|Al-Qasas]] === * '''وَهُوَ ٱللَّهُ لَآ إِلَـٰهَ إِلَّا هُوَ ۖ لَهُ ٱلْحَمْدُ فِى ٱلْأُولَىٰ وَٱلْـَٔاخِرَةِ ۖ وَلَهُ ٱلْحُكْمُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ''' ** [http://quran.com/28/70 Quran 28:70] ** Translations: *** He is Allah. There is no god ˹worthy of worship˺ except Him. All praise belongs to Him in this life and the next. All authority is His. And to Him you will ˹all˺ be returned. **** [http://quran.com/28/70?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** And He is [[Allah]]: Lâ ilâha illa Huwa (none has the right to be worshipped but He), all praises and thanks be to Him (both) in the first (i.e. in this world) and in the last (i.e. in the Hereafter). And for Him is the Decision, and to Him shall you (all) be returned. * '''وَلَا تَدْعُ مَعَ ٱللَّهِ إِلَـٰهًا ءَاخَرَ ۘ لَآ إِلَـٰهَ إِلَّا هُوَ ۚ كُلُّ شَىْءٍ هَالِكٌ إِلَّا وَجْهَهُۥ ۚ لَهُ ٱلْحُكْمُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ''' ** [http://quran.com/28/88 Quran 28:88] ** Translations: *** And do not invoke any other god with Allah. There is no god ˹worthy of worship˺ except Him. Everything is bound to perish except He Himself. All authority belongs to Him. And to Him you will ˹all˺ be returned. **** [http://quran.com/28/88?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** And invoke not any other ilâh (god) along with Allâh: Lâ ilâha illa Huwa (none has the right to be worshipped but He). Everything will perish save His Face. His is the Decision, and to Him you (all) shall be returned.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 38: [[w:Ṣād (surah)|Ṣād]] === * '''إِذْ دَخَلُوا۟ عَلَىٰ دَاوُۥدَ فَفَزِعَ مِنْهُمْ ۖ قَالُوا۟ لَا تَخَفْ ۖ خَصْمَانِ بَغَىٰ بَعْضُنَا عَلَىٰ بَعْضٍۢ فَٱحْكُم بَيْنَنَا بِٱلْحَقِّ وَلَا تُشْطِطْ وَٱهْدِنَآ إِلَىٰ سَوَآءِ ٱلصِّرَٰطِ''' ** [http://quran.com/38/22 Quran 38:22] ** Translations: *** When they came into David's presence, he was startled by them. They said, "Have no fear. ˹We are merely˺ two in a dispute: one of us has wronged the other. So judge between us with truth—do not go beyond ˹it˺—and guide us to the right way." **** [http://quran.com/38/22?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** When they entered in upon Dâwûd ([[David]]), he was terrified of them. They said: "Fear not! (We are) two litigants, one of whom has wronged the other, therefore judge between us with truth, and treat us not with injustice, and guide us to the Right Way."{{Citation needed}} * '''يَـٰدَاوُۥدُ إِنَّا جَعَلْنَـٰكَ خَلِيفَةًۭ فِى ٱلْأَرْضِ فَٱحْكُم بَيْنَ ٱلنَّاسِ بِٱلْحَقِّ وَلَا تَتَّبِعِ ٱلْهَوَىٰ فَيُضِلَّكَ عَن سَبِيلِ ٱللَّهِ ۚ إِنَّ ٱلَّذِينَ يَضِلُّونَ عَن سَبِيلِ ٱللَّهِ لَهُمْ عَذَابٌۭ شَدِيدٌۢ بِمَا نَسُوا۟ يَوْمَ ٱلْحِسَابِ''' ** [http://quran.com/38/26 Quran 38:26] ** Translations: *** ˹We instructed him:˺ “O David! We have surely made you an authority in the land, so judge between people with truth. And do not follow ˹your˺ desires or they will lead you astray from Allah’s Way. Surely those who go astray from Allah’s Way will suffer a severe punishment for neglecting the Day of Reckoning.” **** [http://quran.com/38/26?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** O Dâwûd ([[David]])! Verily! We have placed you as a successor on the earth; so judge you between men in truth (and justice) and follow not your desire – for it will mislead you from the Path of [[Allah]]. Verily, those who wander astray from the Path of Allâh (shall) have a severe torment, because they forgot the Day of Reckoning.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 39: [[w:Az-Zumar|Az-Zumar]] === * '''قُلِ ٱللَّهُمَّ فَاطِرَ ٱلسَّمَـٰوَٰتِ وَٱلْأَرْضِ عَـٰلِمَ ٱلْغَيْبِ وَٱلشَّهَـٰدَةِ أَنتَ تَحْكُمُ بَيْنَ عِبَادِكَ فِى مَا كَانُوا۟ فِيهِ يَخْتَلِفُونَ''' ** [http://quran.com/39/46 Quran 39:46] ** Translations: *** Say, ˹O Prophet,˺ "O Allah—Originator of the heavens and the earth, Knower of the seen and unseen! You will judge between Your servants regarding their differences." **** [http://quran.com/39/46?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Say (O Muhammad): "O [[Allah]]! Creator of the heavens and the earth! All-Knower of the Ghaib (Unseen) and the seen! You will judge between your slaves about that wherein they used to differ."{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 52: [[w:At-Tur|At-Tur]] === * '''وَٱصْبِرْ لِحُكْمِ رَبِّكَ فَإِنَّكَ بِأَعْيُنِنَا ۖ وَسَبِّحْ بِحَمْدِ رَبِّكَ حِينَ تَقُومُ''' ** [http://quran.com/52/48 Quran 52:48] ** Translations: *** So be patient with your Lord's decree, for you are truly under Our ˹watchful˺ Eyes. And glorify the praises of your Lord when you rise. **** [http://quran.com/52/48?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** So wait patiently (O [[Muhammad]]) for the Decision of your Lord, for verily, you are under Our Eyes; and glorify the Praises of your Lord when you get up from sleep.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 60: [[w:Al-Mumtahanah|Al-Mumtahanah]] === * '''لَّا يَنْهَىٰكُمُ ٱللَّهُ عَنِ ٱلَّذِينَ لَمْ يُقَـٰتِلُوكُمْ فِى ٱلدِّينِ وَلَمْ يُخْرِجُوكُم مِّن دِيَـٰرِكُمْ أَن تَبَرُّوهُمْ وَتُقْسِطُوٓا۟ إِلَيْهِمْ ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يُحِبُّ ٱلْمُقْسِطِينَ''' ** [http://quran.com/60/8 Quran 60:8] ** Translations: *** Allah does not forbid you from dealing kindly and fairly with those who have neither fought nor driven you out of your homes. Surely Allah loves those who are fair. **** [http://quran.com/60/8?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** [[Allah]] does not forbid you to deal justly and kindly with those who fought not against you on account of [[religion]] nor drove you out of your homes. Verily, [[Allah]] loves those who deal with equity.{{Citation needed}} * '''يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوٓا۟ إِذَا جَآءَكُمُ ٱلْمُؤْمِنَـٰتُ مُهَـٰجِرَٰتٍۢ فَٱمْتَحِنُوهُنَّ ۖ ٱللَّهُ أَعْلَمُ بِإِيمَـٰنِهِنَّ ۖ فَإِنْ عَلِمْتُمُوهُنَّ مُؤْمِنَـٰتٍۢ فَلَا تَرْجِعُوهُنَّ إِلَى ٱلْكُفَّارِ ۖ لَا هُنَّ حِلٌّۭ لَّهُمْ وَلَا هُمْ يَحِلُّونَ لَهُنَّ ۖ وَءَاتُوهُم مَّآ أَنفَقُوا۟ ۚ وَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْكُمْ أَن تَنكِحُوهُنَّ إِذَآ ءَاتَيْتُمُوهُنَّ أُجُورَهُنَّ ۚ وَلَا تُمْسِكُوا۟ بِعِصَمِ ٱلْكَوَافِرِ وَسْـَٔلُوا۟ مَآ أَنفَقْتُمْ وَلْيَسْـَٔلُوا۟ مَآ أَنفَقُوا۟ ۚ ذَٰلِكُمْ حُكْمُ ٱللَّهِ ۖ يَحْكُمُ بَيْنَكُمْ ۚ وَٱللَّهُ عَلِيمٌ حَكِيمٌۭ''' ** [http://quran.com/60/10 Quran 60:10] ** Translations: *** O believers! When the believing women come to you as emigrants, test their intentions—their faith is best known to Allah—and if you find them to be believers, then do not send them back to the disbelievers. These ˹women˺ are not lawful ˹wives˺ for the disbelievers, nor are the disbelievers lawful ˹husbands˺ for them. ˹But˺ repay the disbelievers whatever ˹dowries˺ they had paid. And there is no blame on you if you marry these ˹women˺ as long as you pay them their dowries. And do not hold on to marriage with polytheistic women. ˹But˺ demand ˹repayment of˺ whatever ˹dowries˺ you had paid, and let the disbelievers do the same. That is the judgment of Allah—He judges between you. And Allah is All-Knowing, All-Wise. **** [http://quran.com/60/10?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** O you who believe! When believing women come to you as emigrants, examine them; Allâh knows best as to their Faith, then if you ascertain that they are true believers send them not back to the disbelievers. They are not lawful (wives) for the disbelievers nor are the disbelievers lawful (husbands) for them. But give them (the disbelievers) that (amount of money) which they have spent [as their Mahr] to them. And there will be no sin on you to marry them if you have paid their Mahr to them. Likewise hold not the disbelieving women as wives, and ask for (the return of) that which you have spent (as Mahr ) and let them (the disbelievers) ask back for that which they have spent. That is the Judgement of Allâh, He judges between you. And Allâh is All-Knowing, All-Wise.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 68: [[w:Al-Qalam|Al-Qalam]] === * '''مَا لَكُمْ كَيْفَ تَحْكُمُونَ''' ** [http://quran.com/68/36 Quran 68:36] ** Translations: *** What is the matter with you? How do you judge? **** [http://quran.com/68/36?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** What is the matter with you? How judge you?{{Citation needed}} * '''أَمْ لَكُمْ أَيْمَـٰنٌ عَلَيْنَا بَـٰلِغَةٌ إِلَىٰ يَوْمِ ٱلْقِيَـٰمَةِ ۙ إِنَّ لَكُمْ لَمَا تَحْكُمُونَ''' ** [http://quran.com/68/39 Quran 68:39] ** Translations: *** Or do you have oaths binding on Us until the Day of Judgment that you will have whatever you decide? **** [http://quran.com/68/39?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Or have you oaths from Us, reaching to the Day of Resurrection, that yours will be what you judge?{{Citation needed}} * '''فَٱصْبِرْ لِحُكْمِ رَبِّكَ وَلَا تَكُن كَصَاحِبِ ٱلْحُوتِ إِذْ نَادَىٰ وَهُوَ مَكْظُومٌۭ''' ** [http://quran.com/68/48 Quran 68:48] ** Translations: *** So be patient with your Lord's decree, and do not be like ˹Jonah,˺ the Man of the Whale, who cried out ˹to Allah˺, in total distress. **** [http://quran.com/68/48?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** So wait with patience for the Decision of your Lord, and be not like the Companion of the Fish – when he cried out (to Us) while he was in deep [[sorrow]].{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 76: [[w:Al-Insan|Al-Insan]] === * '''فَٱصْبِرْ لِحُكْمِ رَبِّكَ وَلَا تُطِعْ مِنْهُمْ ءَاثِمًا أَوْ كَفُورًۭا''' ** [http://quran.com/76/24 Quran 76:24] ** Translations: *** So be patient with your Lord's decree, and do not yield to any evildoer or ˹staunch˺ disbeliever from among them. **** [http://quran.com/76/24?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Therefore, be patient (O Muhammad) with constancy to the Command of your Lord (Allâh, by doing your duty to Him and by conveying His Message to mankind), and obey neither a sinner nor a disbeliever among them.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 95: [[w:Al-Alaq|Al-Alaq]] === * '''أَلَيْسَ ٱللَّهُ بِأَحْكَمِ ٱلْحَـٰكِمِينَ''' ** [http://quran.com/95/8 Quran 95:8] ** Translations: *** Is Allah not the most just of all judges? **** [http://quran.com/95/8?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Is not [[Allah]] the Best of judges?{{Citation needed}} == See also == * [[Jannah]] * [[Jahannam]] * [[Quran]] == External links == {{Wikipedia|Justice in the Quran}} [[Category:Quran]] [[Category:Justice]] [[Category:Islamic law]] nxnlevh72kdgvohm0u4y9yhrctr6ap9 3779105 3779104 2025-07-15T11:42:20Z SolarisQ 3137151 HTTPS links 3779105 wikitext text/x-wiki The [[Quran]] has '''[[w:Justice in the Quran|verses on justice]]'''. [[Justice]] is a central theme in the Quran, dictating the traditions of law and how they should be put into practice. There are two ways in which justice operates (within the Quran): in a legal sense and in a divine sense. Regarding justice in the legal sense, the Quran tells Muslims not only how to conduct themselves, but is also regarded as being very important regarding relationships for Muslims. == Quotes from the Quran == === Chapter 2: [[w:Al-Baqarah|Al-Baqarah]] === * '''وَلَا تَأْكُلُوٓا۟ أَمْوَٰلَكُم بَيْنَكُم بِٱلْبَـٰطِلِ وَتُدْلُوا۟ بِهَآ إِلَى ٱلْحُكَّامِ لِتَأْكُلُوا۟ فَرِيقًۭا مِّنْ أَمْوَٰلِ ٱلنَّاسِ بِٱلْإِثْمِ وَأَنتُمْ تَعْلَمُونَ''' ** [https://quran.com/2/188 Quran 2:188] ** Translations: *** Do not consume one another's wealth unjustly, nor deliberately bribe authorities in order to devour a portion of others’ property, knowing that it is a sin. **** [https://quran.com/2/188?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** And eat up not one another's property unjustly (in any illegal way e.g. stealing, robbing, deceiving, etc.), nor give bribery to the rulers (judges before presenting your cases) that you may knowingly eat up a part of the property of others sinfully.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 4: [[w:An-Nisa|An-Nisa]] === * '''إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يَأْمُرُكُمْ أَن تُؤَدُّوا۟ ٱلْأَمَـٰنَـٰتِ إِلَىٰٓ أَهْلِهَا وَإِذَا حَكَمْتُم بَيْنَ ٱلنَّاسِ أَن تَحْكُمُوا۟ بِٱلْعَدْلِ ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ نِعِمَّا يَعِظُكُم بِهِۦٓ ۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ كَانَ سَمِيعًۢا بَصِيرًۭا''' ** [https://quran.com/4/58 Quran 4:58] ** Translations: *** Indeed, Allah commands you to return trusts to their rightful owners; and when you judge between people, judge with fairness. What a noble commandment from Allah to you! Surely Allah is All-Hearing, All-Seeing. **** [https://quran.com/4/58?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Verily! Allah commands that you should render back the trusts to those to whom they are due; and that when you judge between men, you judge with justice. Verily, how excellent is the teaching which He (Allah) gives you! Truly, Allah is Ever All-Hearer, All-Seer.{{Citation needed}} * '''فَلَا وَرَبِّكَ لَا يُؤْمِنُونَ حَتَّىٰ يُحَكِّمُوكَ فِيمَا شَجَرَ بَيْنَهُمْ ثُمَّ لَا يَجِدُوا۟ فِىٓ أَنفُسِهِمْ حَرَجًۭا مِّمَّا قَضَيْتَ وَيُسَلِّمُوا۟ تَسْلِيمًۭا''' ** [https://quran.com/4/65 Quran 4:65] ** Translations: *** But no! By your Lord, they will never be ˹true˺ believers until they accept you ˹O Prophet˺ as the judge in their disputes, and find no resistance within themselves against your decision and submit wholeheartedly. **** [https://quran.com/4/65?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** But no, by your Lord, they can have no Faith, until they make you (O Muhammad) judge in all disputes between them, and find in themselves no resistance against your decisions, and accept (them) with full submission.{{Citation needed}} * '''وَمَا كَانَ لِمُؤْمِنٍ أَن يَقْتُلَ مُؤْمِنًا إِلَّا خَطَـًۭٔا ۚ وَمَن قَتَلَ مُؤْمِنًا خَطَـًۭٔا فَتَحْرِيرُ رَقَبَةٍۢ مُّؤْمِنَةٍۢ وَدِيَةٌۭ مُّسَلَّمَةٌ إِلَىٰٓ أَهْلِهِۦٓ إِلَّآ أَن يَصَّدَّقُوا۟ ۚ فَإِن كَانَ مِن قَوْمٍ عَدُوٍّۢ لَّكُمْ وَهُوَ مُؤْمِنٌۭ فَتَحْرِيرُ رَقَبَةٍۢ مُّؤْمِنَةٍۢ ۖ وَإِن كَانَ مِن قَوْمٍۭ بَيْنَكُمْ وَبَيْنَهُم مِّيثَـٰقٌۭ فَدِيَةٌۭ مُّسَلَّمَةٌ إِلَىٰٓ أَهْلِهِۦ وَتَحْرِيرُ رَقَبَةٍۢ مُّؤْمِنَةٍۢ ۖ فَمَن لَّمْ يَجِدْ فَصِيَامُ شَهْرَيْنِ مُتَتَابِعَيْنِ تَوْبَةًۭ مِّنَ ٱللَّهِ ۗ وَكَانَ ٱللَّهُ عَلِيمًا حَكِيمًۭا''' ** [https://quran.com/4/92 Quran 4:92] ** Translations: *** It is not lawful for a believer to kill another except by mistake. And whoever kills a believer unintentionally must free a believing slave and pay blood-money to the victim's family—unless they waive it charitably. But if the victim is a believer from a hostile people, then a believing slave must be freed. And if the victim is from a people bound with you in a treaty, then blood-money must be paid to the family along with freeing a believing slave. Those who are unable, let them fast two consecutive months—as a means of repentance to Allah. And Allah is All-Knowing, All-Wise. **** [https://quran.com/4/92?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** It is not for a believer to kill a believer except (that it be) by mistake; and whosoever kills a believer by mistake, (it is ordained that) he must set free a believing slave and a compensation (blood-money, i.e. Diya) be given to the deceased's family unless they remit it. If the deceased belonged to a people at war with you and he was a believer, the freeing of a believing slave (is prescribed); and if he belonged to a people with whom you have a treaty of mutual alliance, compensation (blood-money - Diya) must be paid to his family, and a believing slave must be freed. And who so finds this (the penance of freeing a slave) beyond his means, he must fast for two consecutive months in order to seek repentance from Allah. And Allah is Ever All-Knowing, All-Wise.{{Citation needed}} * '''يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ كُونُوا۟ قَوَّٰمِينَ بِٱلْقِسْطِ شُهَدَآءَ لِلَّهِ وَلَوْ عَلَىٰٓ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَوِ ٱلْوَٰلِدَيْنِ وَٱلْأَقْرَبِينَ ۚ إِن يَكُنْ غَنِيًّا أَوْ فَقِيرًۭا فَٱللَّهُ أَوْلَىٰ بِهِمَا ۖ فَلَا تَتَّبِعُوا۟ ٱلْهَوَىٰٓ أَن تَعْدِلُوا۟ ۚ وَإِن تَلْوُۥٓا۟ أَوْ تُعْرِضُوا۟ فَإِنَّ ٱللَّهَ كَانَ بِمَا تَعْمَلُونَ خَبِيرًۭا''' ** [https://quran.com/4/135 Quran 4:135] ** Translations: *** O believers! Stand firm for justice as witnesses for Allah even if it is against yourselves, your parents, or close relatives. Be they rich or poor, Allah is best to ensure their interests. So do not let your desires cause you to deviate ˹from justice˺. If you distort the testimony or refuse to give it, then ˹know that˺ Allah is certainly All-Aware of what you do. **** [https://quran.com/4/135?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** O ye who believe! Be ye staunch in justice, witnesses for Allah, even though it be against yourselves or (your) parents or (your) kindred, whether (the case be of) a rich man or a poor man, for Allah is nearer unto both (them ye are). So follow not passion lest ye lapse (from truth) and if ye lapse or fall away, then lo! Allah is ever Informed of what ye do.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 5: [[w:Al-Ma'idah|Al-Ma'idah]] === * '''يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوٓا۟ أَوْفُوا۟ بِٱلْعُقُودِ ۚ أُحِلَّتْ لَكُم بَهِيمَةُ ٱلْأَنْعَـٰمِ إِلَّا مَا يُتْلَىٰ عَلَيْكُمْ غَيْرَ مُحِلِّى ٱلصَّيْدِ وَأَنتُمْ حُرُمٌ ۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يَحْكُمُ مَا يُرِيدُ''' ** [https://quran.com/5/1 Quran 5:1] ** Translations: *** O believers! Honour your obligations. All grazing livestock has been made lawful to you—except what is hereby announced to you and hunting while on pilgrimage. Indeed, Allah commands what He wills. **** [https://quran.com/5/1?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** O you who believe! Fulfil (your) obligations. Lawful to you (for food) are all the beasts of cattle except that which will be announced to you (herein), game (also) being unlawful when you assume Ihrâm for Hajj or 'Umrah (pilgrimage). Verily, Allâh commands that which He wills.{{Citation needed}} * '''وَٱلسَّارِقُ وَٱلسَّارِقَةُ [[w:Hudud#Quran|فَٱقْطَعُوٓا۟ أَيْدِيَهُمَا]] جَزَآءًۢ بِمَا كَسَبَا نَكَـٰلًۭا مِّنَ ٱللَّهِ ۗ وَٱللَّهُ عَزِيزٌ حَكِيمٌۭ''' ** [https://quran.com/5/38 Quran 5:38] ** Translations: *** As for male and female thieves, [[w:Hudud#Quran|cut off their hands]] for what they have done—a deterrent from Allah. And Allah is Almighty, All-Wise. **** [https://quran.com/5/38?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** And (as for) the male thief and the female thief, [[w:Hudud#Quran|cut off (from the wrist joint) their (right) hands]] as a recompense for that which they committed, a punishment by way of example from Allâh. And Allâh is All-Powerful, All-Wise.{{Citation needed}} * '''سَمَّـٰعُونَ لِلْكَذِبِ أَكَّـٰلُونَ لِلسُّحْتِ ۚ فَإِن جَآءُوكَ فَٱحْكُم بَيْنَهُمْ أَوْ أَعْرِضْ عَنْهُمْ ۖ وَإِن تُعْرِضْ عَنْهُمْ فَلَن يَضُرُّوكَ شَيْـًۭٔا ۖ وَإِنْ حَكَمْتَ فَٱحْكُم بَيْنَهُم بِٱلْقِسْطِ ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يُحِبُّ ٱلْمُقْسِطِينَ''' ** [https://quran.com/5/42 Quran 5:42] ** Translations: *** They eagerly listen to falsehood and consume forbidden gain. So if they come to you ˹O Prophet˺, either judge between them or turn away from them. If you turn away from them, they cannot harm you whatsoever. But if you judge between them, then do so with justice. Surely Allah loves those who are just. **** [https://quran.com/5/42?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** (They like to) listen to falsehood, to devour anything forbidden. So if they come to you (O Muhammad), either judge between them, or turn away from them. If you turn away from them, they cannot hurt you in the least. And if you judge, judge with justice between them. Verily, Allâh loves those who act justly.{{Citation needed}} * '''وَكَيْفَ يُحَكِّمُونَكَ وَعِندَهُمُ ٱلتَّوْرَىٰةُ فِيهَا حُكْمُ ٱللَّهِ ثُمَّ يَتَوَلَّوْنَ مِنۢ بَعْدِ ذَٰلِكَ ۚ وَمَآ أُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ بِٱلْمُؤْمِنِينَ''' ** [https://quran.com/5/43 Quran 5:43] ** Translations: *** But why do they come to you for judgment when they ˹already˺ have the Torah containing Allah's judgment, then they turn away after all? They are not ˹true˺ believers. **** [https://quran.com/5/43?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** But how do they come to you for decision while they have the Taurât (Torah), in which is the (plain) Decision of Allâh; yet even after that, they turn away. For they are not (really) believers.{{Citation needed}} * '''إِنَّآ أَنزَلْنَا ٱلتَّوْرَىٰةَ فِيهَا هُدًۭى وَنُورٌۭ ۚ يَحْكُمُ بِهَا ٱلنَّبِيُّونَ ٱلَّذِينَ أَسْلَمُوا۟ لِلَّذِينَ هَادُوا۟ وَٱلرَّبَّـٰنِيُّونَ وَٱلْأَحْبَارُ بِمَا ٱسْتُحْفِظُوا۟ مِن كِتَـٰبِ ٱللَّهِ وَكَانُوا۟ عَلَيْهِ شُهَدَآءَ ۚ فَلَا تَخْشَوُا۟ ٱلنَّاسَ وَٱخْشَوْنِ وَلَا تَشْتَرُوا۟ بِـَٔايَـٰتِى ثَمَنًۭا قَلِيلًۭا ۚ وَمَن لَّمْ يَحْكُم بِمَآ أَنزَلَ ٱللَّهُ فَأُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ هُمُ ٱلْكَـٰفِرُونَ''' ** [https://quran.com/5/44 Quran 5:44] ** Translations: *** Indeed, We revealed the Torah, containing guidance and light, by which the prophets, who submitted themselves to Allah, made judgments for Jews. So too did the rabbis and scholars judge according to Allah's Book, with which they were entrusted and of which they were made keepers. So do not fear the people; fear Me! Nor trade my revelations for a fleeting gain. And those who do not judge by what Allah has revealed are ˹truly˺ the disbelievers. **** [https://quran.com/5/44?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Verily, We did send down the Taurât (Torah) [to Mûsâ (Moses)], therein was guidance and light, by which the Prophets, who submitted themselves to Allâh's Will, judged for the Jews. And the rabbis and the priests [too judged for the Jews by the Taurât (Torah) after those Prophets], for to them was entrusted the protection of Allâh's Book, and they were witnesses thereto. Therefore fear not men but fear Me (O Jews) and sell not My Verses for a miserable price. And whosoever does not judge by what Allah has revealed, such are the Kâfirûn (i.e. disbelievers – of a lesser degree as they do not act on Allâh's Laws).{{Citation needed}} * '''وَكَتَبْنَا عَلَيْهِمْ فِيهَآ أَنَّ ٱلنَّفْسَ بِٱلنَّفْسِ وَٱلْعَيْنَ بِٱلْعَيْنِ وَٱلْأَنفَ بِٱلْأَنفِ وَٱلْأُذُنَ بِٱلْأُذُنِ وَٱلسِّنَّ بِٱلسِّنِّ وَٱلْجُرُوحَ قِصَاصٌۭ ۚ فَمَن تَصَدَّقَ بِهِۦ فَهُوَ كَفَّارَةٌۭ لَّهُۥ ۚ وَمَن لَّمْ يَحْكُم بِمَآ أَنزَلَ ٱللَّهُ فَأُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ هُمُ ٱلظَّـٰلِمُونَ''' ** [https://quran.com/5/45 Quran 5:45] ** Translations: *** We ordained for them in the Torah, "A life for a life, an eye for an eye, a nose for a nose, an ear for an ear, a tooth for a tooth—and for wounds equal retaliation." But whoever waives it charitably, it will be atonement for them. And those who do not judge by what Allah has revealed are ˹truly˺ the wrongdoers. **** [https://quran.com/5/45?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** And We ordained therein for them (The Jews): "Life for life, eye for eye, nose for nose, ear for ear, tooth for tooth, and wounds equal for equal." But if anyone remits the retaliation by way of charity, it shall be for him an expiation. And whosoever does not judge by that which Allah has revealed, such are the Zâlimûn (polytheists and wrong-doers – of a lesser degree).{{Citation needed}} * '''وَلْيَحْكُمْ أَهْلُ ٱلْإِنجِيلِ بِمَآ أَنزَلَ ٱللَّهُ فِيهِ ۚ وَمَن لَّمْ يَحْكُم بِمَآ أَنزَلَ ٱللَّهُ فَأُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ هُمُ ٱلْفَـٰسِقُونَ''' ** [https://quran.com/5/47 Quran 5:47] ** Translations: *** So let the people of the Gospel judge by what Allah has revealed in it. And those who do not judge by what Allah has revealed are ˹truly˺ the rebellious. **** [https://quran.com/5/47?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Let the people of the Injeel (Gospel) judge by what Allah has revealed therein. And whosoever does not judge by what Allah has revealed (then) such (people) are the Fâsiqûn [the rebellious i.e. disobedient (of a lesser degree)] to Allah.{{Citation needed}} * '''وَأَنِ ٱحْكُم بَيْنَهُم بِمَآ أَنزَلَ ٱللَّهُ وَلَا تَتَّبِعْ أَهْوَآءَهُمْ وَٱحْذَرْهُمْ أَن يَفْتِنُوكَ عَنۢ بَعْضِ مَآ أَنزَلَ ٱللَّهُ إِلَيْكَ ۖ فَإِن تَوَلَّوْا۟ فَٱعْلَمْ أَنَّمَا يُرِيدُ ٱللَّهُ أَن يُصِيبَهُم بِبَعْضِ ذُنُوبِهِمْ ۗ وَإِنَّ كَثِيرًۭا مِّنَ ٱلنَّاسِ لَفَـٰسِقُونَ''' ** [https://quran.com/5/49 Quran 5:49] ** Translations: *** And judge between them ˹O Prophet˺ by what Allah has revealed, and do not follow their desires. And beware, so they do not lure you away from some of what Allah has revealed to you. If they turn away ˹from Allah's judgment˺, then know that it is Allah's Will to repay them for some of their sins, and that many people are indeed rebellious. **** [https://quran.com/5/49?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** And so judge (you O Muhammad) among them by what Allah has revealed and follow not their vain desires, but beware of them lest they turn you (O Muhammad) far away from some of that which Allâh has sent down to you. And if they turn away, then know that Allâh's Will is to punish them for some sins of theirs. And truly, most of men are Fâsiqûn (rebellious and disobedient to Allah).{{Citation needed}} * '''أَفَحُكْمَ ٱلْجَـٰهِلِيَّةِ يَبْغُونَ ۚ وَمَنْ أَحْسَنُ مِنَ ٱللَّهِ حُكْمًۭا لِّقَوْمٍۢ يُوقِنُونَ''' ** [https://quran.com/5/50 Quran 5:50] ** Translations: *** Is it the judgment of ˹pre-Islamic˺ ignorance they seek? Who could be a better judge than Allah for people of sure faith? **** [https://quran.com/5/50?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Do they then seek the judgement of (the days of) Ignorance? (pre-Islam) And who is better in judgement than Allah for a people who have firm Faith.{{Citation needed}} * '''لَا يُؤَاخِذُكُمُ ٱللَّهُ بِٱللَّغْوِ فِىٓ أَيْمَـٰنِكُمْ وَلَـٰكِن يُؤَاخِذُكُم بِمَا عَقَّدتُّمُ ٱلْأَيْمَـٰنَ ۖ فَكَفَّـٰرَتُهُۥٓ إِطْعَامُ عَشَرَةِ مَسَـٰكِينَ مِنْ أَوْسَطِ مَا تُطْعِمُونَ أَهْلِيكُمْ أَوْ كِسْوَتُهُمْ أَوْ تَحْرِيرُ رَقَبَةٍۢ ۖ فَمَن لَّمْ يَجِدْ فَصِيَامُ ثَلَـٰثَةِ أَيَّامٍۢ ۚ ذَٰلِكَ كَفَّـٰرَةُ أَيْمَـٰنِكُمْ إِذَا حَلَفْتُمْ ۚ وَٱحْفَظُوٓا۟ أَيْمَـٰنَكُمْ ۚ كَذَٰلِكَ يُبَيِّنُ ٱللَّهُ لَكُمْ ءَايَـٰتِهِۦ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَشْكُرُونَ''' ** [https://quran.com/5/89 Quran 5:89] ** Translations: *** Allah will not call you to account for your thoughtless oaths, but He will hold you accountable for deliberate oaths. The penalty for a broken oath is to feed ten poor people from what you normally feed your own family, or to clothe them, or to free a bondsperson. But if none of this is affordable, then you must fast three days. This is the penalty for breaking your oaths. So be mindful of your oaths. This is how Allah makes things clear to you, so perhaps you will be grateful. **** [https://quran.com/5/89?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Allah will not punish you for the oaths you make accidentally, but He will punish you for the oaths you make intentionally; for the expiation of oaths made or violated accidentally feed ten Masakin (poor persons), on a scale of the average of that with which you feed your own families; or clothe them; or manumit a slave. But whosoever cannot afford (that), then he should fast for three days. That is the expiation for the oaths that you have sworn or broken accidentally. So protect your intentional oaths as Allah has made it clear to you in His Ayat so that you may be grateful.{{Citation needed}} * '''يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ لَا تَقْتُلُوا۟ ٱلصَّيْدَ وَأَنتُمْ حُرُمٌۭ ۚ وَمَن قَتَلَهُۥ مِنكُم مُّتَعَمِّدًۭا فَجَزَآءٌۭ مِّثْلُ مَا قَتَلَ مِنَ ٱلنَّعَمِ يَحْكُمُ بِهِۦ ذَوَا عَدْلٍۢ مِّنكُمْ هَدْيًۢا بَـٰلِغَ ٱلْكَعْبَةِ أَوْ كَفَّـٰرَةٌۭ طَعَامُ مَسَـٰكِينَ أَوْ عَدْلُ ذَٰلِكَ صِيَامًۭا لِّيَذُوقَ وَبَالَ أَمْرِهِۦ ۗ عَفَا ٱللَّهُ عَمَّا سَلَفَ ۚ وَمَنْ عَادَ فَيَنتَقِمُ ٱللَّهُ مِنْهُ ۗ وَٱللَّهُ عَزِيزٌۭ ذُو ٱنتِقَامٍ''' ** [https://quran.com/5/95 Quran 5:95] ** Translations: *** O believers! Do not kill game while on pilgrimage. Whoever kills game intentionally must compensate by offering its equivalence—as judged by two just men among you—to be offered at the Sacred House, or by feeding the needy, or by fasting so that they may taste the consequences of their violations. Allah has forgiven what has been done. But those who persist will be punished by Allah. And Allah is Almighty, capable of punishment. **** [https://quran.com/5/95?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** O you who believe! Kill not the game while you are in a state of Ihrâm [for Hajj or ‘Umrah (pilgrimage)], and whosoever of you kills it intentionally, the penalty is an offering, brought to the Ka'bah, of an eatable animal (i.e. sheep, goat, cow) equivalent to the one he killed, as adjudged by two just men among you; or, for expiation, he should feed Masâkîn (poor persons), or its equivalent in Saum (fasting), that he may taste the heaviness (punishment) of his deed. Allâh has forgiven what is past, but whosoever commits it again, Allâh will take retribution from him. And Allâh is All-Mighty, All-Able of Retribution.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 6: [[w:Al-An'am|Al-An'am]] === * '''قُلْ إِنِّى عَلَىٰ بَيِّنَةٍۢ مِّن رَّبِّى وَكَذَّبْتُم بِهِۦ ۚ مَا عِندِى مَا تَسْتَعْجِلُونَ بِهِۦٓ ۚ إِنِ ٱلْحُكْمُ إِلَّا لِلَّهِ ۖ يَقُصُّ ٱلْحَقَّ ۖ وَهُوَ خَيْرُ ٱلْفَـٰصِلِينَ''' ** [https://quran.com/6/57 Quran 6:57] *** Say, ˹O Prophet,˺ "Indeed, I stand on a clear proof from my Lord—yet you have denied it. That ˹torment˺ you seek to hasten is not within my power. It is only Allah Who decides ˹its time˺. He declares the truth. And He is the Best of Judges." **** [https://quran.com/6/57?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Say (O [[Muhammad]]): "I am on clear proof from my Lord (Islâmic Monotheism), but you deny it (the truth that has come to me from Allâh). I have not gotten what you are asking for impatiently (the torment). The decision is only for Allah, He declares the truth, and He is the Best of judges."{{Citation needed}} * '''ثُمَّ رُدُّوٓا۟ إِلَى ٱللَّهِ مَوْلَىٰهُمُ ٱلْحَقِّ ۚ أَلَا لَهُ ٱلْحُكْمُ وَهُوَ أَسْرَعُ ٱلْحَـٰسِبِينَ''' ** [https://quran.com/6/62 Quran 6:62] *** Then they are ˹all˺ returned to Allah—their True Master. Judgment is His ˹alone˺. And He is the Swiftest Reckoner. **** [https://quran.com/6/62?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Then they are returned to Allah, their True Maulâ [True Master (God), the Just Lord (to reward them)]. Surely, for Him is the judgement and He is the Swiftest in taking account.{{Citation needed}} * '''أَفَغَيْرَ ٱللَّهِ أَبْتَغِى حَكَمًۭا وَهُوَ ٱلَّذِىٓ أَنزَلَ إِلَيْكُمُ ٱلْكِتَـٰبَ مُفَصَّلًۭا ۚ وَٱلَّذِينَ ءَاتَيْنَـٰهُمُ ٱلْكِتَـٰبَ يَعْلَمُونَ أَنَّهُۥ مُنَزَّلٌۭ مِّن رَّبِّكَ بِٱلْحَقِّ ۖ فَلَا تَكُونَنَّ مِنَ ٱلْمُمْتَرِينَ''' ** [https://quran.com/6/114 Quran 6:114] ** Translations: *** ˹Say, O Prophet,˺ “Should I seek a judge other than Allah while He is the One Who has revealed for you the Book ˹with the truth˺ perfectly explained?” Those who were given the Scripture know that it has been revealed ˹to you˺ from your Lord in truth. So do not be one of those who doubt. **** [https://quran.com/6/114?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** [Say (O Muhammad)] "Shall I seek a judge other than Allah while it is He Who has sent down unto you the [[Quran|Book]] (the [[Quran|Qurân]]), explained in detail." Those unto whom We gave the Scripture [the [[w:Torah|Taurât]] (Torah) and the [[w:Gospel|Injeel]] (Gospel)] know that it is revealed from your Lord in truth. So be not you of those who doubt.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 7: [[w:Al-A'raf|Al-A'raf]] === * '''وَإِن كَانَ طَآئِفَةٌۭ مِّنكُمْ ءَامَنُوا۟ بِٱلَّذِىٓ أُرْسِلْتُ بِهِۦ وَطَآئِفَةٌۭ لَّمْ يُؤْمِنُوا۟ فَٱصْبِرُوا۟ حَتَّىٰ يَحْكُمَ ٱللَّهُ بَيْنَنَا ۚ وَهُوَ خَيْرُ ٱلْحَـٰكِمِينَ''' ** [https://quran.com/7/87 Quran 7:87] ** Translations: *** If some of you do believe in what I have been sent with while others do not, then be patient until Allah judges between us. He is the Best of Judges. **** [https://quran.com/7/87?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** And if there is a party of you who believe in that with which I have been sent and a party who do not believe, so be patient until [[Allah]] judges between us, and He is the Best of judges.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 9: [[w:At-Tawbah|At-Tawbah]] === * '''وَءَاخَرُونَ مُرْجَوْنَ لِأَمْرِ ٱللَّهِ إِمَّا يُعَذِّبُهُمْ وَإِمَّا يَتُوبُ عَلَيْهِمْ ۗ وَٱللَّهُ عَلِيمٌ حَكِيمٌۭ''' ** [https://quran.com/9/106 Quran 9:106] ** Translations: *** And some others are left for Allah's decision, either to punish them or turn to them in mercy. And Allah is All-Knowing, All-Wise. **** [https://quran.com/9/106?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** And others are made to await for Allâh's Decree, whether He will punish them or will forgive them. And Allâh is All-Knowing, All-Wise.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 10: [[w:Yunus (surah)|Yunus]] === * '''قُلْ هَلْ مِن شُرَكَآئِكُم مَّن يَهْدِىٓ إِلَى ٱلْحَقِّ ۚ قُلِ ٱللَّهُ يَهْدِى لِلْحَقِّ ۗ أَفَمَن يَهْدِىٓ إِلَى ٱلْحَقِّ أَحَقُّ أَن يُتَّبَعَ أَمَّن لَّا يَهِدِّىٓ إِلَّآ أَن يُهْدَىٰ ۖ فَمَا لَكُمْ كَيْفَ تَحْكُمُونَ''' ** [https://quran.com/10/35 Quran 10:35] ** Translations: *** Ask ˹them, O Prophet˺, "Can any of your associate-gods guide to the truth?" Say, "˹Only˺ Allah guides to the truth." Who then is more worthy to be followed: the One Who guides to the truth or those who cannot find the way unless guided? What is the matter with you? How do you judge? **** [https://quran.com/10/35?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Say: "Is there of your (Allah's so-called) partners one that guides to the truth?" Say: "It is [[Allah]] Who guides to the truth. Is then He Who guides to the truth more worthy to be followed, or he who finds not guidance (himself) unless he is guided? Then, what is the matter with you? How judge you?"{{Citation needed}} * '''وَٱتَّبِعْ مَا يُوحَىٰٓ إِلَيْكَ وَٱصْبِرْ حَتَّىٰ يَحْكُمَ ٱللَّهُ ۚ وَهُوَ خَيْرُ ٱلْحَـٰكِمِينَ''' ** [https://quran.com/10/109 Quran 10:109] ** Translations: *** And follow what is revealed to you, and be patient until Allah passes His judgment. For He is the Best of Judges. **** [https://quran.com/10/109?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** And (O [[Muhammad]]), follow the revelation sent unto you, and be patient till [[Allah]] gives judgement. And He is the Best of judges.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 13: [[w:Ar-Ra'd|Ar-Ra'd]] === * '''وَكَذَٰلِكَ أَنزَلْنَـٰهُ حُكْمًا عَرَبِيًّۭا ۚ وَلَئِنِ ٱتَّبَعْتَ أَهْوَآءَهُم بَعْدَ مَا جَآءَكَ مِنَ ٱلْعِلْمِ مَا لَكَ مِنَ ٱللَّهِ مِن وَلِىٍّۢ وَلَا وَاقٍۢ''' ** [https://quran.com/13/37 Quran 13:37] ** Translations: *** And so We have revealed it as an authority in Arabic. And if you were to follow their desires after ˹all˺ the knowledge that has come to you, there would be none to protect or shield you from Allah. **** [https://quran.com/13/37?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** And thus have We sent it (the [[Quran]]) down to be a judgement of authority in Arabic. Were you (O Muhammad) to follow their (vain) desires after the knowledge which has come to you, then you will not have any Walî (protector) or Wâq (defender) against [[Allah]].{{Citation needed}} * '''أَوَلَمْ يَرَوْا۟ أَنَّا نَأْتِى ٱلْأَرْضَ نَنقُصُهَا مِنْ أَطْرَافِهَا ۚ وَٱللَّهُ يَحْكُمُ لَا مُعَقِّبَ لِحُكْمِهِۦ ۚ وَهُوَ سَرِيعُ ٱلْحِسَابِ''' ** [https://quran.com/13/41 Quran 13:41] ** Translations: *** Do they not see that We gradually reduce their land from its borders? Allah decides—none can reverse His decision. And He is swift in reckoning. **** [https://quran.com/13/41?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** See they not that We gradually reduce the land (of the disbelievers, by giving it to the believers, in war victories) from its outlying borders. And Allâh judges, there is none to put back His Judgement and He is Swift at reckoning.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 16: [[w:An-Nahl|An-Nahl]] === * '''يَتَوَٰرَىٰ مِنَ ٱلْقَوْمِ مِن سُوٓءِ مَا بُشِّرَ بِهِۦٓ ۚ أَيُمْسِكُهُۥ عَلَىٰ هُونٍ أَمْ يَدُسُّهُۥ فِى ٱلتُّرَابِ ۗ أَلَا سَآءَ مَا يَحْكُمُونَ''' ** [https://quran.com/16/59 Quran 16:59] ** Translations: *** He hides himself from the people because of the bad news he has received. Should he keep her in disgrace, or bury her ˹alive˺ in the ground? Evil indeed is their judgment! **** [https://quran.com/16/59?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** He hides himself from the people because of the evil of that whereof he has been informed. Shall he keep her with dishonor or bury her in the earth (female infanticide)? Certainly, evil is their decision.{{Citation needed}} * '''إِنَّمَا جُعِلَ ٱلسَّبْتُ عَلَى ٱلَّذِينَ ٱخْتَلَفُوا۟ فِيهِ ۚ وَإِنَّ رَبَّكَ لَيَحْكُمُ بَيْنَهُمْ يَوْمَ ٱلْقِيَـٰمَةِ فِيمَا كَانُوا۟ فِيهِ يَخْتَلِفُونَ''' ** [https://quran.com/16/124 Quran 16:124] ** Translations: *** ˹Honouring˺ the Sabbath was ordained only for those who disputed about Abraham. And surely your Lord will judge between them on the Day of Judgment regarding their disputes. **** [https://quran.com/16/124?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** The Sabbath was only prescribed for those who differed concerning it, and verily, your Lord will judge between them on the Day of Resurrection about that wherein they used to differ.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 21: [[w:Al-Anbiya|Al-Anbiya]] === * '''قَـٰلَ رَبِّ ٱحْكُم بِٱلْحَقِّ ۗ وَرَبُّنَا ٱلرَّحْمَـٰنُ ٱلْمُسْتَعَانُ عَلَىٰ مَا تَصِفُونَ''' ** [https://quran.com/21/112 Quran 21:112] ** Translations: *** ˹In the end,˺ the Prophet said, “My Lord! Judge ˹between us˺ in truth. And our Lord is the Most Compassionate, Whose help is sought against what you claim. **** [https://quran.com/21/112?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** He (Muhammad) said: "My Lord! Judge You in truth! Our Lord is the Most Gracious, Whose Help is to be sought against that which you attribute (unto Allâh that He has offspring, and unto Muhammad that he is a sorcerer, and unto the [[Quran]] that it is poetry)!"{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 22: [[w:Al-Hajj|Al-Hajj]] === * '''وَمَآ أَرْسَلْنَا مِن قَبْلِكَ مِن رَّسُولٍۢ وَلَا نَبِىٍّ إِلَّآ إِذَا تَمَنَّىٰٓ أَلْقَى ٱلشَّيْطَـٰنُ فِىٓ أُمْنِيَّتِهِۦ فَيَنسَخُ ٱللَّهُ مَا يُلْقِى ٱلشَّيْطَـٰنُ ثُمَّ يُحْكِمُ ٱللَّهُ ءَايَـٰتِهِۦ ۗ وَٱللَّهُ عَلِيمٌ حَكِيمٌۭ''' ** [https://quran.com/22/52 Quran 22:52] ** Translations: *** Whenever We sent a messenger or a prophet before you ˹O Prophet˺ and he recited ˹Our revelations˺, Satan would influence ˹people’s understanding of˺ his recitation. But ˹eventually˺ Allah would eliminate Satan’s influence. Then Allah would ˹firmly˺ establish His revelations. And Allah is All-Knowing, All-Wise. **** [https://quran.com/22/52?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Never did We send a Messenger or a Prophet before you but when he did recite the revelation or narrated or spoke, Shaitân (Satan) threw (some falsehood) in it. But [[Allah]] abolishes that which Shaitân (Satan) throws in. Then [[Allah]] establishes His Revelations. And [[Allah]] is All-Knower, All-Wise.{{Citation needed}} * '''ٱلْمُلْكُ يَوْمَئِذٍۢ لِّلَّهِ يَحْكُمُ بَيْنَهُمْ ۚ فَٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ وَعَمِلُوا۟ ٱلصَّـٰلِحَـٰتِ فِى جَنَّـٰتِ ٱلنَّعِيمِ''' ** [https://quran.com/22/56 Quran 22:56] ** Translations: *** All authority on that Day is for Allah ˹alone˺. He will judge between them. So those who believe and do good will be in the Gardens of Bliss. **** [https://quran.com/22/56?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** The sovereignty on that Day will be that of Allâh (the One Who has no partners). He will judge between them. So those who believed (in the Oneness of Allâh - Islâmic Monotheism) and did righteous good deeds will be in Gardens of delight (Paradise).{{Citation needed}} * '''لَيُدْخِلَنَّهُم مُّدْخَلًۭا يَرْضَوْنَهُۥ ۗ وَإِنَّ ٱللَّهَ لَعَلِيمٌ حَلِيمٌۭ''' ** [https://quran.com/22/59 Quran 22:59] ** Translations: *** He will certainly admit them into a place they will be pleased with. For Allah is truly All-Knowing, Most Forbearing. **** [https://quran.com/22/59?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** [[Allah]] will judge between you on the Day of Resurrection about that wherein you used to differ.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 24: [[w:An-Nur|An-Nur]] === * '''إِنَّمَا كَانَ قَوْلَ ٱلْمُؤْمِنِينَ إِذَا دُعُوٓا۟ إِلَى ٱللَّهِ وَرَسُولِهِۦ لِيَحْكُمَ بَيْنَهُمْ أَن يَقُولُوا۟ سَمِعْنَا وَأَطَعْنَا ۚ وَأُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ هُمُ ٱلْمُفْلِحُونَ''' ** [https://quran.com/24/51 Quran 24:51] ** Translations: *** The only response of the ˹true˺ believers, when they are called to Allah and His Messenger so he may judge between them, is to say, "We hear and obey." It is they who will ˹truly˺ succeed. **** [https://quran.com/24/51?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** The only saying of the faithful believers, when they are called to [[Allah]] (His Words, the [[Quran]]) and His Messenger, to judge between them, is that they say: "We hear and we obey." And such are the successful (who will live forever in [[Jannah|Paradise]]).{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 27: [[w:Ash-Shu'ara|Ash-Shu'ara]] === * '''إِنَّ رَبَّكَ يَقْضِى بَيْنَهُم بِحُكْمِهِۦ ۚ وَهُوَ ٱلْعَزِيزُ ٱلْعَلِيمُ''' ** [https://quran.com/27/78 Quran 27:78] ** Translations: *** Your Lord will certainly judge between them by His justice, for He is the Almighty, All-Knowing. **** [https://quran.com/27/78?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Verily, your Lord will decide between them (various sects) by His Judgement. And He is the All-Mighty, the All-Knowing.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 28: [[w:Al-Qasas|Al-Qasas]] === * '''وَهُوَ ٱللَّهُ لَآ إِلَـٰهَ إِلَّا هُوَ ۖ لَهُ ٱلْحَمْدُ فِى ٱلْأُولَىٰ وَٱلْـَٔاخِرَةِ ۖ وَلَهُ ٱلْحُكْمُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ''' ** [https://quran.com/28/70 Quran 28:70] ** Translations: *** He is Allah. There is no god ˹worthy of worship˺ except Him. All praise belongs to Him in this life and the next. All authority is His. And to Him you will ˹all˺ be returned. **** [https://quran.com/28/70?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** And He is [[Allah]]: Lâ ilâha illa Huwa (none has the right to be worshipped but He), all praises and thanks be to Him (both) in the first (i.e. in this world) and in the last (i.e. in the Hereafter). And for Him is the Decision, and to Him shall you (all) be returned. * '''وَلَا تَدْعُ مَعَ ٱللَّهِ إِلَـٰهًا ءَاخَرَ ۘ لَآ إِلَـٰهَ إِلَّا هُوَ ۚ كُلُّ شَىْءٍ هَالِكٌ إِلَّا وَجْهَهُۥ ۚ لَهُ ٱلْحُكْمُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ''' ** [https://quran.com/28/88 Quran 28:88] ** Translations: *** And do not invoke any other god with Allah. There is no god ˹worthy of worship˺ except Him. Everything is bound to perish except He Himself. All authority belongs to Him. And to Him you will ˹all˺ be returned. **** [https://quran.com/28/88?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** And invoke not any other ilâh (god) along with Allâh: Lâ ilâha illa Huwa (none has the right to be worshipped but He). Everything will perish save His Face. His is the Decision, and to Him you (all) shall be returned.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 38: [[w:Ṣād (surah)|Ṣād]] === * '''إِذْ دَخَلُوا۟ عَلَىٰ دَاوُۥدَ فَفَزِعَ مِنْهُمْ ۖ قَالُوا۟ لَا تَخَفْ ۖ خَصْمَانِ بَغَىٰ بَعْضُنَا عَلَىٰ بَعْضٍۢ فَٱحْكُم بَيْنَنَا بِٱلْحَقِّ وَلَا تُشْطِطْ وَٱهْدِنَآ إِلَىٰ سَوَآءِ ٱلصِّرَٰطِ''' ** [https://quran.com/38/22 Quran 38:22] ** Translations: *** When they came into David's presence, he was startled by them. They said, "Have no fear. ˹We are merely˺ two in a dispute: one of us has wronged the other. So judge between us with truth—do not go beyond ˹it˺—and guide us to the right way." **** [https://quran.com/38/22?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** When they entered in upon Dâwûd ([[David]]), he was terrified of them. They said: "Fear not! (We are) two litigants, one of whom has wronged the other, therefore judge between us with truth, and treat us not with injustice, and guide us to the Right Way."{{Citation needed}} * '''يَـٰدَاوُۥدُ إِنَّا جَعَلْنَـٰكَ خَلِيفَةًۭ فِى ٱلْأَرْضِ فَٱحْكُم بَيْنَ ٱلنَّاسِ بِٱلْحَقِّ وَلَا تَتَّبِعِ ٱلْهَوَىٰ فَيُضِلَّكَ عَن سَبِيلِ ٱللَّهِ ۚ إِنَّ ٱلَّذِينَ يَضِلُّونَ عَن سَبِيلِ ٱللَّهِ لَهُمْ عَذَابٌۭ شَدِيدٌۢ بِمَا نَسُوا۟ يَوْمَ ٱلْحِسَابِ''' ** [https://quran.com/38/26 Quran 38:26] ** Translations: *** ˹We instructed him:˺ “O David! We have surely made you an authority in the land, so judge between people with truth. And do not follow ˹your˺ desires or they will lead you astray from Allah’s Way. Surely those who go astray from Allah’s Way will suffer a severe punishment for neglecting the Day of Reckoning.” **** [https://quran.com/38/26?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** O Dâwûd ([[David]])! Verily! We have placed you as a successor on the earth; so judge you between men in truth (and justice) and follow not your desire – for it will mislead you from the Path of [[Allah]]. Verily, those who wander astray from the Path of Allâh (shall) have a severe torment, because they forgot the Day of Reckoning.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 39: [[w:Az-Zumar|Az-Zumar]] === * '''قُلِ ٱللَّهُمَّ فَاطِرَ ٱلسَّمَـٰوَٰتِ وَٱلْأَرْضِ عَـٰلِمَ ٱلْغَيْبِ وَٱلشَّهَـٰدَةِ أَنتَ تَحْكُمُ بَيْنَ عِبَادِكَ فِى مَا كَانُوا۟ فِيهِ يَخْتَلِفُونَ''' ** [https://quran.com/39/46 Quran 39:46] ** Translations: *** Say, ˹O Prophet,˺ "O Allah—Originator of the heavens and the earth, Knower of the seen and unseen! You will judge between Your servants regarding their differences." **** [https://quran.com/39/46?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Say (O Muhammad): "O [[Allah]]! Creator of the heavens and the earth! All-Knower of the Ghaib (Unseen) and the seen! You will judge between your slaves about that wherein they used to differ."{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 52: [[w:At-Tur|At-Tur]] === * '''وَٱصْبِرْ لِحُكْمِ رَبِّكَ فَإِنَّكَ بِأَعْيُنِنَا ۖ وَسَبِّحْ بِحَمْدِ رَبِّكَ حِينَ تَقُومُ''' ** [https://quran.com/52/48 Quran 52:48] ** Translations: *** So be patient with your Lord's decree, for you are truly under Our ˹watchful˺ Eyes. And glorify the praises of your Lord when you rise. **** [https://quran.com/52/48?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** So wait patiently (O [[Muhammad]]) for the Decision of your Lord, for verily, you are under Our Eyes; and glorify the Praises of your Lord when you get up from sleep.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 60: [[w:Al-Mumtahanah|Al-Mumtahanah]] === * '''لَّا يَنْهَىٰكُمُ ٱللَّهُ عَنِ ٱلَّذِينَ لَمْ يُقَـٰتِلُوكُمْ فِى ٱلدِّينِ وَلَمْ يُخْرِجُوكُم مِّن دِيَـٰرِكُمْ أَن تَبَرُّوهُمْ وَتُقْسِطُوٓا۟ إِلَيْهِمْ ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يُحِبُّ ٱلْمُقْسِطِينَ''' ** [https://quran.com/60/8 Quran 60:8] ** Translations: *** Allah does not forbid you from dealing kindly and fairly with those who have neither fought nor driven you out of your homes. Surely Allah loves those who are fair. **** [https://quran.com/60/8?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** [[Allah]] does not forbid you to deal justly and kindly with those who fought not against you on account of [[religion]] nor drove you out of your homes. Verily, [[Allah]] loves those who deal with equity.{{Citation needed}} * '''يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوٓا۟ إِذَا جَآءَكُمُ ٱلْمُؤْمِنَـٰتُ مُهَـٰجِرَٰتٍۢ فَٱمْتَحِنُوهُنَّ ۖ ٱللَّهُ أَعْلَمُ بِإِيمَـٰنِهِنَّ ۖ فَإِنْ عَلِمْتُمُوهُنَّ مُؤْمِنَـٰتٍۢ فَلَا تَرْجِعُوهُنَّ إِلَى ٱلْكُفَّارِ ۖ لَا هُنَّ حِلٌّۭ لَّهُمْ وَلَا هُمْ يَحِلُّونَ لَهُنَّ ۖ وَءَاتُوهُم مَّآ أَنفَقُوا۟ ۚ وَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْكُمْ أَن تَنكِحُوهُنَّ إِذَآ ءَاتَيْتُمُوهُنَّ أُجُورَهُنَّ ۚ وَلَا تُمْسِكُوا۟ بِعِصَمِ ٱلْكَوَافِرِ وَسْـَٔلُوا۟ مَآ أَنفَقْتُمْ وَلْيَسْـَٔلُوا۟ مَآ أَنفَقُوا۟ ۚ ذَٰلِكُمْ حُكْمُ ٱللَّهِ ۖ يَحْكُمُ بَيْنَكُمْ ۚ وَٱللَّهُ عَلِيمٌ حَكِيمٌۭ''' ** [https://quran.com/60/10 Quran 60:10] ** Translations: *** O believers! When the believing women come to you as emigrants, test their intentions—their faith is best known to Allah—and if you find them to be believers, then do not send them back to the disbelievers. These ˹women˺ are not lawful ˹wives˺ for the disbelievers, nor are the disbelievers lawful ˹husbands˺ for them. ˹But˺ repay the disbelievers whatever ˹dowries˺ they had paid. And there is no blame on you if you marry these ˹women˺ as long as you pay them their dowries. And do not hold on to marriage with polytheistic women. ˹But˺ demand ˹repayment of˺ whatever ˹dowries˺ you had paid, and let the disbelievers do the same. That is the judgment of Allah—He judges between you. And Allah is All-Knowing, All-Wise. **** [https://quran.com/60/10?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** O you who believe! When believing women come to you as emigrants, examine them; Allâh knows best as to their Faith, then if you ascertain that they are true believers send them not back to the disbelievers. They are not lawful (wives) for the disbelievers nor are the disbelievers lawful (husbands) for them. But give them (the disbelievers) that (amount of money) which they have spent [as their Mahr] to them. And there will be no sin on you to marry them if you have paid their Mahr to them. Likewise hold not the disbelieving women as wives, and ask for (the return of) that which you have spent (as Mahr ) and let them (the disbelievers) ask back for that which they have spent. That is the Judgement of Allâh, He judges between you. And Allâh is All-Knowing, All-Wise.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 68: [[w:Al-Qalam|Al-Qalam]] === * '''مَا لَكُمْ كَيْفَ تَحْكُمُونَ''' ** [https://quran.com/68/36 Quran 68:36] ** Translations: *** What is the matter with you? How do you judge? **** [https://quran.com/68/36?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** What is the matter with you? How judge you?{{Citation needed}} * '''أَمْ لَكُمْ أَيْمَـٰنٌ عَلَيْنَا بَـٰلِغَةٌ إِلَىٰ يَوْمِ ٱلْقِيَـٰمَةِ ۙ إِنَّ لَكُمْ لَمَا تَحْكُمُونَ''' ** [https://quran.com/68/39 Quran 68:39] ** Translations: *** Or do you have oaths binding on Us until the Day of Judgment that you will have whatever you decide? **** [https://quran.com/68/39?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Or have you oaths from Us, reaching to the Day of Resurrection, that yours will be what you judge?{{Citation needed}} * '''فَٱصْبِرْ لِحُكْمِ رَبِّكَ وَلَا تَكُن كَصَاحِبِ ٱلْحُوتِ إِذْ نَادَىٰ وَهُوَ مَكْظُومٌۭ''' ** [https://quran.com/68/48 Quran 68:48] ** Translations: *** So be patient with your Lord's decree, and do not be like ˹Jonah,˺ the Man of the Whale, who cried out ˹to Allah˺, in total distress. **** [https://quran.com/68/48?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** So wait with patience for the Decision of your Lord, and be not like the Companion of the Fish – when he cried out (to Us) while he was in deep [[sorrow]].{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 76: [[w:Al-Insan|Al-Insan]] === * '''فَٱصْبِرْ لِحُكْمِ رَبِّكَ وَلَا تُطِعْ مِنْهُمْ ءَاثِمًا أَوْ كَفُورًۭا''' ** [https://quran.com/76/24 Quran 76:24] ** Translations: *** So be patient with your Lord's decree, and do not yield to any evildoer or ˹staunch˺ disbeliever from among them. **** [https://quran.com/76/24?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Therefore, be patient (O Muhammad) with constancy to the Command of your Lord (Allâh, by doing your duty to Him and by conveying His Message to mankind), and obey neither a sinner nor a disbeliever among them.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 95: [[w:Al-Alaq|Al-Alaq]] === * '''أَلَيْسَ ٱللَّهُ بِأَحْكَمِ ٱلْحَـٰكِمِينَ''' ** [https://quran.com/95/8 Quran 95:8] ** Translations: *** Is Allah not the most just of all judges? **** [https://quran.com/95/8?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Is not [[Allah]] the Best of judges?{{Citation needed}} == See also == * [[Jannah]] * [[Jahannam]] * [[Quran]] == External links == {{Wikipedia|Justice in the Quran}} [[Category:Quran]] [[Category:Justice]] [[Category:Islamic law]] 5945umf0a83g11nb87d56i3dxebmvqx 3779107 3779105 2025-07-15T11:43:28Z SolarisQ 3137151 Used arabic template 3779107 wikitext text/x-wiki The [[Quran]] has '''[[w:Justice in the Quran|verses on justice]]'''. [[Justice]] is a central theme in the Quran, dictating the traditions of law and how they should be put into practice. There are two ways in which justice operates (within the Quran): in a legal sense and in a divine sense. Regarding justice in the legal sense, the Quran tells Muslims not only how to conduct themselves, but is also regarded as being very important regarding relationships for Muslims. == Quotes from the Quran == === Chapter 2: [[w:Al-Baqarah|Al-Baqarah]] === * {{arabic|weight=bold|وَلَا تَأْكُلُوٓا۟ أَمْوَٰلَكُم بَيْنَكُم بِٱلْبَـٰطِلِ وَتُدْلُوا۟ بِهَآ إِلَى ٱلْحُكَّامِ لِتَأْكُلُوا۟ فَرِيقًۭا مِّنْ أَمْوَٰلِ ٱلنَّاسِ بِٱلْإِثْمِ وَأَنتُمْ تَعْلَمُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/2/188 Quran 2:188] ** Translations: *** Do not consume one another's wealth unjustly, nor deliberately bribe authorities in order to devour a portion of others’ property, knowing that it is a sin. **** [https://quran.com/2/188?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** And eat up not one another's property unjustly (in any illegal way e.g. stealing, robbing, deceiving, etc.), nor give bribery to the rulers (judges before presenting your cases) that you may knowingly eat up a part of the property of others sinfully.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 4: [[w:An-Nisa|An-Nisa]] === * {{arabic|weight=bold|إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يَأْمُرُكُمْ أَن تُؤَدُّوا۟ ٱلْأَمَـٰنَـٰتِ إِلَىٰٓ أَهْلِهَا وَإِذَا حَكَمْتُم بَيْنَ ٱلنَّاسِ أَن تَحْكُمُوا۟ بِٱلْعَدْلِ ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ نِعِمَّا يَعِظُكُم بِهِۦٓ ۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ كَانَ سَمِيعًۢا بَصِيرًۭا}} ** [https://quran.com/4/58 Quran 4:58] ** Translations: *** Indeed, Allah commands you to return trusts to their rightful owners; and when you judge between people, judge with fairness. What a noble commandment from Allah to you! Surely Allah is All-Hearing, All-Seeing. **** [https://quran.com/4/58?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Verily! Allah commands that you should render back the trusts to those to whom they are due; and that when you judge between men, you judge with justice. Verily, how excellent is the teaching which He (Allah) gives you! Truly, Allah is Ever All-Hearer, All-Seer.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|فَلَا وَرَبِّكَ لَا يُؤْمِنُونَ حَتَّىٰ يُحَكِّمُوكَ فِيمَا شَجَرَ بَيْنَهُمْ ثُمَّ لَا يَجِدُوا۟ فِىٓ أَنفُسِهِمْ حَرَجًۭا مِّمَّا قَضَيْتَ وَيُسَلِّمُوا۟ تَسْلِيمًۭا}} ** [https://quran.com/4/65 Quran 4:65] ** Translations: *** But no! By your Lord, they will never be ˹true˺ believers until they accept you ˹O Prophet˺ as the judge in their disputes, and find no resistance within themselves against your decision and submit wholeheartedly. **** [https://quran.com/4/65?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** But no, by your Lord, they can have no Faith, until they make you (O Muhammad) judge in all disputes between them, and find in themselves no resistance against your decisions, and accept (them) with full submission.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|وَمَا كَانَ لِمُؤْمِنٍ أَن يَقْتُلَ مُؤْمِنًا إِلَّا خَطَـًۭٔا ۚ وَمَن قَتَلَ مُؤْمِنًا خَطَـًۭٔا فَتَحْرِيرُ رَقَبَةٍۢ مُّؤْمِنَةٍۢ وَدِيَةٌۭ مُّسَلَّمَةٌ إِلَىٰٓ أَهْلِهِۦٓ إِلَّآ أَن يَصَّدَّقُوا۟ ۚ فَإِن كَانَ مِن قَوْمٍ عَدُوٍّۢ لَّكُمْ وَهُوَ مُؤْمِنٌۭ فَتَحْرِيرُ رَقَبَةٍۢ مُّؤْمِنَةٍۢ ۖ وَإِن كَانَ مِن قَوْمٍۭ بَيْنَكُمْ وَبَيْنَهُم مِّيثَـٰقٌۭ فَدِيَةٌۭ مُّسَلَّمَةٌ إِلَىٰٓ أَهْلِهِۦ وَتَحْرِيرُ رَقَبَةٍۢ مُّؤْمِنَةٍۢ ۖ فَمَن لَّمْ يَجِدْ فَصِيَامُ شَهْرَيْنِ مُتَتَابِعَيْنِ تَوْبَةًۭ مِّنَ ٱللَّهِ ۗ وَكَانَ ٱللَّهُ عَلِيمًا حَكِيمًۭا}} ** [https://quran.com/4/92 Quran 4:92] ** Translations: *** It is not lawful for a believer to kill another except by mistake. And whoever kills a believer unintentionally must free a believing slave and pay blood-money to the victim's family—unless they waive it charitably. But if the victim is a believer from a hostile people, then a believing slave must be freed. And if the victim is from a people bound with you in a treaty, then blood-money must be paid to the family along with freeing a believing slave. Those who are unable, let them fast two consecutive months—as a means of repentance to Allah. And Allah is All-Knowing, All-Wise. **** [https://quran.com/4/92?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** It is not for a believer to kill a believer except (that it be) by mistake; and whosoever kills a believer by mistake, (it is ordained that) he must set free a believing slave and a compensation (blood-money, i.e. Diya) be given to the deceased's family unless they remit it. If the deceased belonged to a people at war with you and he was a believer, the freeing of a believing slave (is prescribed); and if he belonged to a people with whom you have a treaty of mutual alliance, compensation (blood-money - Diya) must be paid to his family, and a believing slave must be freed. And who so finds this (the penance of freeing a slave) beyond his means, he must fast for two consecutive months in order to seek repentance from Allah. And Allah is Ever All-Knowing, All-Wise.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ كُونُوا۟ قَوَّٰمِينَ بِٱلْقِسْطِ شُهَدَآءَ لِلَّهِ وَلَوْ عَلَىٰٓ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَوِ ٱلْوَٰلِدَيْنِ وَٱلْأَقْرَبِينَ ۚ إِن يَكُنْ غَنِيًّا أَوْ فَقِيرًۭا فَٱللَّهُ أَوْلَىٰ بِهِمَا ۖ فَلَا تَتَّبِعُوا۟ ٱلْهَوَىٰٓ أَن تَعْدِلُوا۟ ۚ وَإِن تَلْوُۥٓا۟ أَوْ تُعْرِضُوا۟ فَإِنَّ ٱللَّهَ كَانَ بِمَا تَعْمَلُونَ خَبِيرًۭا}} ** [https://quran.com/4/135 Quran 4:135] ** Translations: *** O believers! Stand firm for justice as witnesses for Allah even if it is against yourselves, your parents, or close relatives. Be they rich or poor, Allah is best to ensure their interests. So do not let your desires cause you to deviate ˹from justice˺. If you distort the testimony or refuse to give it, then ˹know that˺ Allah is certainly All-Aware of what you do. **** [https://quran.com/4/135?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** O ye who believe! Be ye staunch in justice, witnesses for Allah, even though it be against yourselves or (your) parents or (your) kindred, whether (the case be of) a rich man or a poor man, for Allah is nearer unto both (them ye are). So follow not passion lest ye lapse (from truth) and if ye lapse or fall away, then lo! Allah is ever Informed of what ye do.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 5: [[w:Al-Ma'idah|Al-Ma'idah]] === * {{arabic|weight=bold|يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوٓا۟ أَوْفُوا۟ بِٱلْعُقُودِ ۚ أُحِلَّتْ لَكُم بَهِيمَةُ ٱلْأَنْعَـٰمِ إِلَّا مَا يُتْلَىٰ عَلَيْكُمْ غَيْرَ مُحِلِّى ٱلصَّيْدِ وَأَنتُمْ حُرُمٌ ۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يَحْكُمُ مَا يُرِيدُ}} ** [https://quran.com/5/1 Quran 5:1] ** Translations: *** O believers! Honour your obligations. All grazing livestock has been made lawful to you—except what is hereby announced to you and hunting while on pilgrimage. Indeed, Allah commands what He wills. **** [https://quran.com/5/1?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** O you who believe! Fulfil (your) obligations. Lawful to you (for food) are all the beasts of cattle except that which will be announced to you (herein), game (also) being unlawful when you assume Ihrâm for Hajj or 'Umrah (pilgrimage). Verily, Allâh commands that which He wills.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|وَٱلسَّارِقُ وَٱلسَّارِقَةُ [[w:Hudud#Quran|فَٱقْطَعُوٓا۟ أَيْدِيَهُمَا]] جَزَآءًۢ بِمَا كَسَبَا نَكَـٰلًۭا مِّنَ ٱللَّهِ ۗ وَٱللَّهُ عَزِيزٌ حَكِيمٌۭ}} ** [https://quran.com/5/38 Quran 5:38] ** Translations: *** As for male and female thieves, [[w:Hudud#Quran|cut off their hands]] for what they have done—a deterrent from Allah. And Allah is Almighty, All-Wise. **** [https://quran.com/5/38?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** And (as for) the male thief and the female thief, [[w:Hudud#Quran|cut off (from the wrist joint) their (right) hands]] as a recompense for that which they committed, a punishment by way of example from Allâh. And Allâh is All-Powerful, All-Wise.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|سَمَّـٰعُونَ لِلْكَذِبِ أَكَّـٰلُونَ لِلسُّحْتِ ۚ فَإِن جَآءُوكَ فَٱحْكُم بَيْنَهُمْ أَوْ أَعْرِضْ عَنْهُمْ ۖ وَإِن تُعْرِضْ عَنْهُمْ فَلَن يَضُرُّوكَ شَيْـًۭٔا ۖ وَإِنْ حَكَمْتَ فَٱحْكُم بَيْنَهُم بِٱلْقِسْطِ ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يُحِبُّ ٱلْمُقْسِطِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/5/42 Quran 5:42] ** Translations: *** They eagerly listen to falsehood and consume forbidden gain. So if they come to you ˹O Prophet˺, either judge between them or turn away from them. If you turn away from them, they cannot harm you whatsoever. But if you judge between them, then do so with justice. Surely Allah loves those who are just. **** [https://quran.com/5/42?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** (They like to) listen to falsehood, to devour anything forbidden. So if they come to you (O Muhammad), either judge between them, or turn away from them. If you turn away from them, they cannot hurt you in the least. And if you judge, judge with justice between them. Verily, Allâh loves those who act justly.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|وَكَيْفَ يُحَكِّمُونَكَ وَعِندَهُمُ ٱلتَّوْرَىٰةُ فِيهَا حُكْمُ ٱللَّهِ ثُمَّ يَتَوَلَّوْنَ مِنۢ بَعْدِ ذَٰلِكَ ۚ وَمَآ أُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ بِٱلْمُؤْمِنِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/5/43 Quran 5:43] ** Translations: *** But why do they come to you for judgment when they ˹already˺ have the Torah containing Allah's judgment, then they turn away after all? They are not ˹true˺ believers. **** [https://quran.com/5/43?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** But how do they come to you for decision while they have the Taurât (Torah), in which is the (plain) Decision of Allâh; yet even after that, they turn away. For they are not (really) believers.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|إِنَّآ أَنزَلْنَا ٱلتَّوْرَىٰةَ فِيهَا هُدًۭى وَنُورٌۭ ۚ يَحْكُمُ بِهَا ٱلنَّبِيُّونَ ٱلَّذِينَ أَسْلَمُوا۟ لِلَّذِينَ هَادُوا۟ وَٱلرَّبَّـٰنِيُّونَ وَٱلْأَحْبَارُ بِمَا ٱسْتُحْفِظُوا۟ مِن كِتَـٰبِ ٱللَّهِ وَكَانُوا۟ عَلَيْهِ شُهَدَآءَ ۚ فَلَا تَخْشَوُا۟ ٱلنَّاسَ وَٱخْشَوْنِ وَلَا تَشْتَرُوا۟ بِـَٔايَـٰتِى ثَمَنًۭا قَلِيلًۭا ۚ وَمَن لَّمْ يَحْكُم بِمَآ أَنزَلَ ٱللَّهُ فَأُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ هُمُ ٱلْكَـٰفِرُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/5/44 Quran 5:44] ** Translations: *** Indeed, We revealed the Torah, containing guidance and light, by which the prophets, who submitted themselves to Allah, made judgments for Jews. So too did the rabbis and scholars judge according to Allah's Book, with which they were entrusted and of which they were made keepers. So do not fear the people; fear Me! Nor trade my revelations for a fleeting gain. And those who do not judge by what Allah has revealed are ˹truly˺ the disbelievers. **** [https://quran.com/5/44?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Verily, We did send down the Taurât (Torah) [to Mûsâ (Moses)], therein was guidance and light, by which the Prophets, who submitted themselves to Allâh's Will, judged for the Jews. And the rabbis and the priests [too judged for the Jews by the Taurât (Torah) after those Prophets], for to them was entrusted the protection of Allâh's Book, and they were witnesses thereto. Therefore fear not men but fear Me (O Jews) and sell not My Verses for a miserable price. And whosoever does not judge by what Allah has revealed, such are the Kâfirûn (i.e. disbelievers – of a lesser degree as they do not act on Allâh's Laws).{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|وَكَتَبْنَا عَلَيْهِمْ فِيهَآ أَنَّ ٱلنَّفْسَ بِٱلنَّفْسِ وَٱلْعَيْنَ بِٱلْعَيْنِ وَٱلْأَنفَ بِٱلْأَنفِ وَٱلْأُذُنَ بِٱلْأُذُنِ وَٱلسِّنَّ بِٱلسِّنِّ وَٱلْجُرُوحَ قِصَاصٌۭ ۚ فَمَن تَصَدَّقَ بِهِۦ فَهُوَ كَفَّارَةٌۭ لَّهُۥ ۚ وَمَن لَّمْ يَحْكُم بِمَآ أَنزَلَ ٱللَّهُ فَأُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ هُمُ ٱلظَّـٰلِمُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/5/45 Quran 5:45] ** Translations: *** We ordained for them in the Torah, "A life for a life, an eye for an eye, a nose for a nose, an ear for an ear, a tooth for a tooth—and for wounds equal retaliation." But whoever waives it charitably, it will be atonement for them. And those who do not judge by what Allah has revealed are ˹truly˺ the wrongdoers. **** [https://quran.com/5/45?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** And We ordained therein for them (The Jews): "Life for life, eye for eye, nose for nose, ear for ear, tooth for tooth, and wounds equal for equal." But if anyone remits the retaliation by way of charity, it shall be for him an expiation. And whosoever does not judge by that which Allah has revealed, such are the Zâlimûn (polytheists and wrong-doers – of a lesser degree).{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|وَلْيَحْكُمْ أَهْلُ ٱلْإِنجِيلِ بِمَآ أَنزَلَ ٱللَّهُ فِيهِ ۚ وَمَن لَّمْ يَحْكُم بِمَآ أَنزَلَ ٱللَّهُ فَأُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ هُمُ ٱلْفَـٰسِقُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/5/47 Quran 5:47] ** Translations: *** So let the people of the Gospel judge by what Allah has revealed in it. And those who do not judge by what Allah has revealed are ˹truly˺ the rebellious. **** [https://quran.com/5/47?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Let the people of the Injeel (Gospel) judge by what Allah has revealed therein. And whosoever does not judge by what Allah has revealed (then) such (people) are the Fâsiqûn [the rebellious i.e. disobedient (of a lesser degree)] to Allah.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|وَأَنِ ٱحْكُم بَيْنَهُم بِمَآ أَنزَلَ ٱللَّهُ وَلَا تَتَّبِعْ أَهْوَآءَهُمْ وَٱحْذَرْهُمْ أَن يَفْتِنُوكَ عَنۢ بَعْضِ مَآ أَنزَلَ ٱللَّهُ إِلَيْكَ ۖ فَإِن تَوَلَّوْا۟ فَٱعْلَمْ أَنَّمَا يُرِيدُ ٱللَّهُ أَن يُصِيبَهُم بِبَعْضِ ذُنُوبِهِمْ ۗ وَإِنَّ كَثِيرًۭا مِّنَ ٱلنَّاسِ لَفَـٰسِقُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/5/49 Quran 5:49] ** Translations: *** And judge between them ˹O Prophet˺ by what Allah has revealed, and do not follow their desires. And beware, so they do not lure you away from some of what Allah has revealed to you. If they turn away ˹from Allah's judgment˺, then know that it is Allah's Will to repay them for some of their sins, and that many people are indeed rebellious. **** [https://quran.com/5/49?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** And so judge (you O Muhammad) among them by what Allah has revealed and follow not their vain desires, but beware of them lest they turn you (O Muhammad) far away from some of that which Allâh has sent down to you. And if they turn away, then know that Allâh's Will is to punish them for some sins of theirs. And truly, most of men are Fâsiqûn (rebellious and disobedient to Allah).{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|أَفَحُكْمَ ٱلْجَـٰهِلِيَّةِ يَبْغُونَ ۚ وَمَنْ أَحْسَنُ مِنَ ٱللَّهِ حُكْمًۭا لِّقَوْمٍۢ يُوقِنُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/5/50 Quran 5:50] ** Translations: *** Is it the judgment of ˹pre-Islamic˺ ignorance they seek? Who could be a better judge than Allah for people of sure faith? **** [https://quran.com/5/50?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Do they then seek the judgement of (the days of) Ignorance? (pre-Islam) And who is better in judgement than Allah for a people who have firm Faith.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|لَا يُؤَاخِذُكُمُ ٱللَّهُ بِٱللَّغْوِ فِىٓ أَيْمَـٰنِكُمْ وَلَـٰكِن يُؤَاخِذُكُم بِمَا عَقَّدتُّمُ ٱلْأَيْمَـٰنَ ۖ فَكَفَّـٰرَتُهُۥٓ إِطْعَامُ عَشَرَةِ مَسَـٰكِينَ مِنْ أَوْسَطِ مَا تُطْعِمُونَ أَهْلِيكُمْ أَوْ كِسْوَتُهُمْ أَوْ تَحْرِيرُ رَقَبَةٍۢ ۖ فَمَن لَّمْ يَجِدْ فَصِيَامُ ثَلَـٰثَةِ أَيَّامٍۢ ۚ ذَٰلِكَ كَفَّـٰرَةُ أَيْمَـٰنِكُمْ إِذَا حَلَفْتُمْ ۚ وَٱحْفَظُوٓا۟ أَيْمَـٰنَكُمْ ۚ كَذَٰلِكَ يُبَيِّنُ ٱللَّهُ لَكُمْ ءَايَـٰتِهِۦ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَشْكُرُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/5/89 Quran 5:89] ** Translations: *** Allah will not call you to account for your thoughtless oaths, but He will hold you accountable for deliberate oaths. The penalty for a broken oath is to feed ten poor people from what you normally feed your own family, or to clothe them, or to free a bondsperson. But if none of this is affordable, then you must fast three days. This is the penalty for breaking your oaths. So be mindful of your oaths. This is how Allah makes things clear to you, so perhaps you will be grateful. **** [https://quran.com/5/89?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Allah will not punish you for the oaths you make accidentally, but He will punish you for the oaths you make intentionally; for the expiation of oaths made or violated accidentally feed ten Masakin (poor persons), on a scale of the average of that with which you feed your own families; or clothe them; or manumit a slave. But whosoever cannot afford (that), then he should fast for three days. That is the expiation for the oaths that you have sworn or broken accidentally. So protect your intentional oaths as Allah has made it clear to you in His Ayat so that you may be grateful.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ لَا تَقْتُلُوا۟ ٱلصَّيْدَ وَأَنتُمْ حُرُمٌۭ ۚ وَمَن قَتَلَهُۥ مِنكُم مُّتَعَمِّدًۭا فَجَزَآءٌۭ مِّثْلُ مَا قَتَلَ مِنَ ٱلنَّعَمِ يَحْكُمُ بِهِۦ ذَوَا عَدْلٍۢ مِّنكُمْ هَدْيًۢا بَـٰلِغَ ٱلْكَعْبَةِ أَوْ كَفَّـٰرَةٌۭ طَعَامُ مَسَـٰكِينَ أَوْ عَدْلُ ذَٰلِكَ صِيَامًۭا لِّيَذُوقَ وَبَالَ أَمْرِهِۦ ۗ عَفَا ٱللَّهُ عَمَّا سَلَفَ ۚ وَمَنْ عَادَ فَيَنتَقِمُ ٱللَّهُ مِنْهُ ۗ وَٱللَّهُ عَزِيزٌۭ ذُو ٱنتِقَامٍ}} ** [https://quran.com/5/95 Quran 5:95] ** Translations: *** O believers! Do not kill game while on pilgrimage. Whoever kills game intentionally must compensate by offering its equivalence—as judged by two just men among you—to be offered at the Sacred House, or by feeding the needy, or by fasting so that they may taste the consequences of their violations. Allah has forgiven what has been done. But those who persist will be punished by Allah. And Allah is Almighty, capable of punishment. **** [https://quran.com/5/95?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** O you who believe! Kill not the game while you are in a state of Ihrâm [for Hajj or ‘Umrah (pilgrimage)], and whosoever of you kills it intentionally, the penalty is an offering, brought to the Ka'bah, of an eatable animal (i.e. sheep, goat, cow) equivalent to the one he killed, as adjudged by two just men among you; or, for expiation, he should feed Masâkîn (poor persons), or its equivalent in Saum (fasting), that he may taste the heaviness (punishment) of his deed. Allâh has forgiven what is past, but whosoever commits it again, Allâh will take retribution from him. And Allâh is All-Mighty, All-Able of Retribution.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 6: [[w:Al-An'am|Al-An'am]] === * {{arabic|weight=bold|قُلْ إِنِّى عَلَىٰ بَيِّنَةٍۢ مِّن رَّبِّى وَكَذَّبْتُم بِهِۦ ۚ مَا عِندِى مَا تَسْتَعْجِلُونَ بِهِۦٓ ۚ إِنِ ٱلْحُكْمُ إِلَّا لِلَّهِ ۖ يَقُصُّ ٱلْحَقَّ ۖ وَهُوَ خَيْرُ ٱلْفَـٰصِلِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/6/57 Quran 6:57] *** Say, ˹O Prophet,˺ "Indeed, I stand on a clear proof from my Lord—yet you have denied it. That ˹torment˺ you seek to hasten is not within my power. It is only Allah Who decides ˹its time˺. He declares the truth. And He is the Best of Judges." **** [https://quran.com/6/57?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Say (O [[Muhammad]]): "I am on clear proof from my Lord (Islâmic Monotheism), but you deny it (the truth that has come to me from Allâh). I have not gotten what you are asking for impatiently (the torment). The decision is only for Allah, He declares the truth, and He is the Best of judges."{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|ثُمَّ رُدُّوٓا۟ إِلَى ٱللَّهِ مَوْلَىٰهُمُ ٱلْحَقِّ ۚ أَلَا لَهُ ٱلْحُكْمُ وَهُوَ أَسْرَعُ ٱلْحَـٰسِبِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/6/62 Quran 6:62] *** Then they are ˹all˺ returned to Allah—their True Master. Judgment is His ˹alone˺. And He is the Swiftest Reckoner. **** [https://quran.com/6/62?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Then they are returned to Allah, their True Maulâ [True Master (God), the Just Lord (to reward them)]. Surely, for Him is the judgement and He is the Swiftest in taking account.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|أَفَغَيْرَ ٱللَّهِ أَبْتَغِى حَكَمًۭا وَهُوَ ٱلَّذِىٓ أَنزَلَ إِلَيْكُمُ ٱلْكِتَـٰبَ مُفَصَّلًۭا ۚ وَٱلَّذِينَ ءَاتَيْنَـٰهُمُ ٱلْكِتَـٰبَ يَعْلَمُونَ أَنَّهُۥ مُنَزَّلٌۭ مِّن رَّبِّكَ بِٱلْحَقِّ ۖ فَلَا تَكُونَنَّ مِنَ ٱلْمُمْتَرِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/6/114 Quran 6:114] ** Translations: *** ˹Say, O Prophet,˺ “Should I seek a judge other than Allah while He is the One Who has revealed for you the Book ˹with the truth˺ perfectly explained?” Those who were given the Scripture know that it has been revealed ˹to you˺ from your Lord in truth. So do not be one of those who doubt. **** [https://quran.com/6/114?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** [Say (O Muhammad)] "Shall I seek a judge other than Allah while it is He Who has sent down unto you the [[Quran|Book]] (the [[Quran|Qurân]]), explained in detail." Those unto whom We gave the Scripture [the [[w:Torah|Taurât]] (Torah) and the [[w:Gospel|Injeel]] (Gospel)] know that it is revealed from your Lord in truth. So be not you of those who doubt.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 7: [[w:Al-A'raf|Al-A'raf]] === * {{arabic|weight=bold|وَإِن كَانَ طَآئِفَةٌۭ مِّنكُمْ ءَامَنُوا۟ بِٱلَّذِىٓ أُرْسِلْتُ بِهِۦ وَطَآئِفَةٌۭ لَّمْ يُؤْمِنُوا۟ فَٱصْبِرُوا۟ حَتَّىٰ يَحْكُمَ ٱللَّهُ بَيْنَنَا ۚ وَهُوَ خَيْرُ ٱلْحَـٰكِمِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/7/87 Quran 7:87] ** Translations: *** If some of you do believe in what I have been sent with while others do not, then be patient until Allah judges between us. He is the Best of Judges. **** [https://quran.com/7/87?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** And if there is a party of you who believe in that with which I have been sent and a party who do not believe, so be patient until [[Allah]] judges between us, and He is the Best of judges.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 9: [[w:At-Tawbah|At-Tawbah]] === * {{arabic|weight=bold|وَءَاخَرُونَ مُرْجَوْنَ لِأَمْرِ ٱللَّهِ إِمَّا يُعَذِّبُهُمْ وَإِمَّا يَتُوبُ عَلَيْهِمْ ۗ وَٱللَّهُ عَلِيمٌ حَكِيمٌۭ}} ** [https://quran.com/9/106 Quran 9:106] ** Translations: *** And some others are left for Allah's decision, either to punish them or turn to them in mercy. And Allah is All-Knowing, All-Wise. **** [https://quran.com/9/106?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** And others are made to await for Allâh's Decree, whether He will punish them or will forgive them. And Allâh is All-Knowing, All-Wise.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 10: [[w:Yunus (surah)|Yunus]] === * {{arabic|weight=bold|قُلْ هَلْ مِن شُرَكَآئِكُم مَّن يَهْدِىٓ إِلَى ٱلْحَقِّ ۚ قُلِ ٱللَّهُ يَهْدِى لِلْحَقِّ ۗ أَفَمَن يَهْدِىٓ إِلَى ٱلْحَقِّ أَحَقُّ أَن يُتَّبَعَ أَمَّن لَّا يَهِدِّىٓ إِلَّآ أَن يُهْدَىٰ ۖ فَمَا لَكُمْ كَيْفَ تَحْكُمُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/10/35 Quran 10:35] ** Translations: *** Ask ˹them, O Prophet˺, "Can any of your associate-gods guide to the truth?" Say, "˹Only˺ Allah guides to the truth." Who then is more worthy to be followed: the One Who guides to the truth or those who cannot find the way unless guided? What is the matter with you? How do you judge? **** [https://quran.com/10/35?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Say: "Is there of your (Allah's so-called) partners one that guides to the truth?" Say: "It is [[Allah]] Who guides to the truth. Is then He Who guides to the truth more worthy to be followed, or he who finds not guidance (himself) unless he is guided? Then, what is the matter with you? How judge you?"{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|وَٱتَّبِعْ مَا يُوحَىٰٓ إِلَيْكَ وَٱصْبِرْ حَتَّىٰ يَحْكُمَ ٱللَّهُ ۚ وَهُوَ خَيْرُ ٱلْحَـٰكِمِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/10/109 Quran 10:109] ** Translations: *** And follow what is revealed to you, and be patient until Allah passes His judgment. For He is the Best of Judges. **** [https://quran.com/10/109?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** And (O [[Muhammad]]), follow the revelation sent unto you, and be patient till [[Allah]] gives judgement. And He is the Best of judges.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 13: [[w:Ar-Ra'd|Ar-Ra'd]] === * {{arabic|weight=bold|وَكَذَٰلِكَ أَنزَلْنَـٰهُ حُكْمًا عَرَبِيًّۭا ۚ وَلَئِنِ ٱتَّبَعْتَ أَهْوَآءَهُم بَعْدَ مَا جَآءَكَ مِنَ ٱلْعِلْمِ مَا لَكَ مِنَ ٱللَّهِ مِن وَلِىٍّۢ وَلَا وَاقٍۢ}} ** [https://quran.com/13/37 Quran 13:37] ** Translations: *** And so We have revealed it as an authority in Arabic. And if you were to follow their desires after ˹all˺ the knowledge that has come to you, there would be none to protect or shield you from Allah. **** [https://quran.com/13/37?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** And thus have We sent it (the [[Quran]]) down to be a judgement of authority in Arabic. Were you (O Muhammad) to follow their (vain) desires after the knowledge which has come to you, then you will not have any Walî (protector) or Wâq (defender) against [[Allah]].{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|أَوَلَمْ يَرَوْا۟ أَنَّا نَأْتِى ٱلْأَرْضَ نَنقُصُهَا مِنْ أَطْرَافِهَا ۚ وَٱللَّهُ يَحْكُمُ لَا مُعَقِّبَ لِحُكْمِهِۦ ۚ وَهُوَ سَرِيعُ ٱلْحِسَابِ}} ** [https://quran.com/13/41 Quran 13:41] ** Translations: *** Do they not see that We gradually reduce their land from its borders? Allah decides—none can reverse His decision. And He is swift in reckoning. **** [https://quran.com/13/41?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** See they not that We gradually reduce the land (of the disbelievers, by giving it to the believers, in war victories) from its outlying borders. And Allâh judges, there is none to put back His Judgement and He is Swift at reckoning.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 16: [[w:An-Nahl|An-Nahl]] === * {{arabic|weight=bold|يَتَوَٰرَىٰ مِنَ ٱلْقَوْمِ مِن سُوٓءِ مَا بُشِّرَ بِهِۦٓ ۚ أَيُمْسِكُهُۥ عَلَىٰ هُونٍ أَمْ يَدُسُّهُۥ فِى ٱلتُّرَابِ ۗ أَلَا سَآءَ مَا يَحْكُمُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/16/59 Quran 16:59] ** Translations: *** He hides himself from the people because of the bad news he has received. Should he keep her in disgrace, or bury her ˹alive˺ in the ground? Evil indeed is their judgment! **** [https://quran.com/16/59?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** He hides himself from the people because of the evil of that whereof he has been informed. Shall he keep her with dishonor or bury her in the earth (female infanticide)? Certainly, evil is their decision.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|إِنَّمَا جُعِلَ ٱلسَّبْتُ عَلَى ٱلَّذِينَ ٱخْتَلَفُوا۟ فِيهِ ۚ وَإِنَّ رَبَّكَ لَيَحْكُمُ بَيْنَهُمْ يَوْمَ ٱلْقِيَـٰمَةِ فِيمَا كَانُوا۟ فِيهِ يَخْتَلِفُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/16/124 Quran 16:124] ** Translations: *** ˹Honouring˺ the Sabbath was ordained only for those who disputed about Abraham. And surely your Lord will judge between them on the Day of Judgment regarding their disputes. **** [https://quran.com/16/124?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** The Sabbath was only prescribed for those who differed concerning it, and verily, your Lord will judge between them on the Day of Resurrection about that wherein they used to differ.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 21: [[w:Al-Anbiya|Al-Anbiya]] === * {{arabic|weight=bold|قَـٰلَ رَبِّ ٱحْكُم بِٱلْحَقِّ ۗ وَرَبُّنَا ٱلرَّحْمَـٰنُ ٱلْمُسْتَعَانُ عَلَىٰ مَا تَصِفُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/21/112 Quran 21:112] ** Translations: *** ˹In the end,˺ the Prophet said, “My Lord! Judge ˹between us˺ in truth. And our Lord is the Most Compassionate, Whose help is sought against what you claim. **** [https://quran.com/21/112?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** He (Muhammad) said: "My Lord! Judge You in truth! Our Lord is the Most Gracious, Whose Help is to be sought against that which you attribute (unto Allâh that He has offspring, and unto Muhammad that he is a sorcerer, and unto the [[Quran]] that it is poetry)!"{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 22: [[w:Al-Hajj|Al-Hajj]] === * {{arabic|weight=bold|وَمَآ أَرْسَلْنَا مِن قَبْلِكَ مِن رَّسُولٍۢ وَلَا نَبِىٍّ إِلَّآ إِذَا تَمَنَّىٰٓ أَلْقَى ٱلشَّيْطَـٰنُ فِىٓ أُمْنِيَّتِهِۦ فَيَنسَخُ ٱللَّهُ مَا يُلْقِى ٱلشَّيْطَـٰنُ ثُمَّ يُحْكِمُ ٱللَّهُ ءَايَـٰتِهِۦ ۗ وَٱللَّهُ عَلِيمٌ حَكِيمٌۭ}} ** [https://quran.com/22/52 Quran 22:52] ** Translations: *** Whenever We sent a messenger or a prophet before you ˹O Prophet˺ and he recited ˹Our revelations˺, Satan would influence ˹people’s understanding of˺ his recitation. But ˹eventually˺ Allah would eliminate Satan’s influence. Then Allah would ˹firmly˺ establish His revelations. And Allah is All-Knowing, All-Wise. **** [https://quran.com/22/52?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Never did We send a Messenger or a Prophet before you but when he did recite the revelation or narrated or spoke, Shaitân (Satan) threw (some falsehood) in it. But [[Allah]] abolishes that which Shaitân (Satan) throws in. Then [[Allah]] establishes His Revelations. And [[Allah]] is All-Knower, All-Wise.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|ٱلْمُلْكُ يَوْمَئِذٍۢ لِّلَّهِ يَحْكُمُ بَيْنَهُمْ ۚ فَٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ وَعَمِلُوا۟ ٱلصَّـٰلِحَـٰتِ فِى جَنَّـٰتِ ٱلنَّعِيمِ}} ** [https://quran.com/22/56 Quran 22:56] ** Translations: *** All authority on that Day is for Allah ˹alone˺. He will judge between them. So those who believe and do good will be in the Gardens of Bliss. **** [https://quran.com/22/56?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** The sovereignty on that Day will be that of Allâh (the One Who has no partners). He will judge between them. So those who believed (in the Oneness of Allâh - Islâmic Monotheism) and did righteous good deeds will be in Gardens of delight (Paradise).{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|لَيُدْخِلَنَّهُم مُّدْخَلًۭا يَرْضَوْنَهُۥ ۗ وَإِنَّ ٱللَّهَ لَعَلِيمٌ حَلِيمٌۭ}} ** [https://quran.com/22/59 Quran 22:59] ** Translations: *** He will certainly admit them into a place they will be pleased with. For Allah is truly All-Knowing, Most Forbearing. **** [https://quran.com/22/59?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** [[Allah]] will judge between you on the Day of Resurrection about that wherein you used to differ.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 24: [[w:An-Nur|An-Nur]] === * {{arabic|weight=bold|إِنَّمَا كَانَ قَوْلَ ٱلْمُؤْمِنِينَ إِذَا دُعُوٓا۟ إِلَى ٱللَّهِ وَرَسُولِهِۦ لِيَحْكُمَ بَيْنَهُمْ أَن يَقُولُوا۟ سَمِعْنَا وَأَطَعْنَا ۚ وَأُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ هُمُ ٱلْمُفْلِحُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/24/51 Quran 24:51] ** Translations: *** The only response of the ˹true˺ believers, when they are called to Allah and His Messenger so he may judge between them, is to say, "We hear and obey." It is they who will ˹truly˺ succeed. **** [https://quran.com/24/51?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** The only saying of the faithful believers, when they are called to [[Allah]] (His Words, the [[Quran]]) and His Messenger, to judge between them, is that they say: "We hear and we obey." And such are the successful (who will live forever in [[Jannah|Paradise]]).{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 27: [[w:Ash-Shu'ara|Ash-Shu'ara]] === * {{arabic|weight=bold|إِنَّ رَبَّكَ يَقْضِى بَيْنَهُم بِحُكْمِهِۦ ۚ وَهُوَ ٱلْعَزِيزُ ٱلْعَلِيمُ}} ** [https://quran.com/27/78 Quran 27:78] ** Translations: *** Your Lord will certainly judge between them by His justice, for He is the Almighty, All-Knowing. **** [https://quran.com/27/78?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Verily, your Lord will decide between them (various sects) by His Judgement. And He is the All-Mighty, the All-Knowing.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 28: [[w:Al-Qasas|Al-Qasas]] === * {{arabic|weight=bold|وَهُوَ ٱللَّهُ لَآ إِلَـٰهَ إِلَّا هُوَ ۖ لَهُ ٱلْحَمْدُ فِى ٱلْأُولَىٰ وَٱلْـَٔاخِرَةِ ۖ وَلَهُ ٱلْحُكْمُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/28/70 Quran 28:70] ** Translations: *** He is Allah. There is no god ˹worthy of worship˺ except Him. All praise belongs to Him in this life and the next. All authority is His. And to Him you will ˹all˺ be returned. **** [https://quran.com/28/70?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** And He is [[Allah]]: Lâ ilâha illa Huwa (none has the right to be worshipped but He), all praises and thanks be to Him (both) in the first (i.e. in this world) and in the last (i.e. in the Hereafter). And for Him is the Decision, and to Him shall you (all) be returned. * {{arabic|weight=bold|وَلَا تَدْعُ مَعَ ٱللَّهِ إِلَـٰهًا ءَاخَرَ ۘ لَآ إِلَـٰهَ إِلَّا هُوَ ۚ كُلُّ شَىْءٍ هَالِكٌ إِلَّا وَجْهَهُۥ ۚ لَهُ ٱلْحُكْمُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/28/88 Quran 28:88] ** Translations: *** And do not invoke any other god with Allah. There is no god ˹worthy of worship˺ except Him. Everything is bound to perish except He Himself. All authority belongs to Him. And to Him you will ˹all˺ be returned. **** [https://quran.com/28/88?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** And invoke not any other ilâh (god) along with Allâh: Lâ ilâha illa Huwa (none has the right to be worshipped but He). Everything will perish save His Face. His is the Decision, and to Him you (all) shall be returned.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 38: [[w:Ṣād (surah)|Ṣād]] === * {{arabic|weight=bold|إِذْ دَخَلُوا۟ عَلَىٰ دَاوُۥدَ فَفَزِعَ مِنْهُمْ ۖ قَالُوا۟ لَا تَخَفْ ۖ خَصْمَانِ بَغَىٰ بَعْضُنَا عَلَىٰ بَعْضٍۢ فَٱحْكُم بَيْنَنَا بِٱلْحَقِّ وَلَا تُشْطِطْ وَٱهْدِنَآ إِلَىٰ سَوَآءِ ٱلصِّرَٰطِ}} ** [https://quran.com/38/22 Quran 38:22] ** Translations: *** When they came into David's presence, he was startled by them. They said, "Have no fear. ˹We are merely˺ two in a dispute: one of us has wronged the other. So judge between us with truth—do not go beyond ˹it˺—and guide us to the right way." **** [https://quran.com/38/22?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** When they entered in upon Dâwûd ([[David]]), he was terrified of them. They said: "Fear not! (We are) two litigants, one of whom has wronged the other, therefore judge between us with truth, and treat us not with injustice, and guide us to the Right Way."{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|يَـٰدَاوُۥدُ إِنَّا جَعَلْنَـٰكَ خَلِيفَةًۭ فِى ٱلْأَرْضِ فَٱحْكُم بَيْنَ ٱلنَّاسِ بِٱلْحَقِّ وَلَا تَتَّبِعِ ٱلْهَوَىٰ فَيُضِلَّكَ عَن سَبِيلِ ٱللَّهِ ۚ إِنَّ ٱلَّذِينَ يَضِلُّونَ عَن سَبِيلِ ٱللَّهِ لَهُمْ عَذَابٌۭ شَدِيدٌۢ بِمَا نَسُوا۟ يَوْمَ ٱلْحِسَابِ}} ** [https://quran.com/38/26 Quran 38:26] ** Translations: *** ˹We instructed him:˺ “O David! We have surely made you an authority in the land, so judge between people with truth. And do not follow ˹your˺ desires or they will lead you astray from Allah’s Way. Surely those who go astray from Allah’s Way will suffer a severe punishment for neglecting the Day of Reckoning.” **** [https://quran.com/38/26?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** O Dâwûd ([[David]])! Verily! We have placed you as a successor on the earth; so judge you between men in truth (and justice) and follow not your desire – for it will mislead you from the Path of [[Allah]]. Verily, those who wander astray from the Path of Allâh (shall) have a severe torment, because they forgot the Day of Reckoning.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 39: [[w:Az-Zumar|Az-Zumar]] === * {{arabic|weight=bold|قُلِ ٱللَّهُمَّ فَاطِرَ ٱلسَّمَـٰوَٰتِ وَٱلْأَرْضِ عَـٰلِمَ ٱلْغَيْبِ وَٱلشَّهَـٰدَةِ أَنتَ تَحْكُمُ بَيْنَ عِبَادِكَ فِى مَا كَانُوا۟ فِيهِ يَخْتَلِفُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/39/46 Quran 39:46] ** Translations: *** Say, ˹O Prophet,˺ "O Allah—Originator of the heavens and the earth, Knower of the seen and unseen! You will judge between Your servants regarding their differences." **** [https://quran.com/39/46?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Say (O Muhammad): "O [[Allah]]! Creator of the heavens and the earth! All-Knower of the Ghaib (Unseen) and the seen! You will judge between your slaves about that wherein they used to differ."{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 52: [[w:At-Tur|At-Tur]] === * {{arabic|weight=bold|وَٱصْبِرْ لِحُكْمِ رَبِّكَ فَإِنَّكَ بِأَعْيُنِنَا ۖ وَسَبِّحْ بِحَمْدِ رَبِّكَ حِينَ تَقُومُ}} ** [https://quran.com/52/48 Quran 52:48] ** Translations: *** So be patient with your Lord's decree, for you are truly under Our ˹watchful˺ Eyes. And glorify the praises of your Lord when you rise. **** [https://quran.com/52/48?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** So wait patiently (O [[Muhammad]]) for the Decision of your Lord, for verily, you are under Our Eyes; and glorify the Praises of your Lord when you get up from sleep.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 60: [[w:Al-Mumtahanah|Al-Mumtahanah]] === * {{arabic|weight=bold|لَّا يَنْهَىٰكُمُ ٱللَّهُ عَنِ ٱلَّذِينَ لَمْ يُقَـٰتِلُوكُمْ فِى ٱلدِّينِ وَلَمْ يُخْرِجُوكُم مِّن دِيَـٰرِكُمْ أَن تَبَرُّوهُمْ وَتُقْسِطُوٓا۟ إِلَيْهِمْ ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يُحِبُّ ٱلْمُقْسِطِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/60/8 Quran 60:8] ** Translations: *** Allah does not forbid you from dealing kindly and fairly with those who have neither fought nor driven you out of your homes. Surely Allah loves those who are fair. **** [https://quran.com/60/8?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** [[Allah]] does not forbid you to deal justly and kindly with those who fought not against you on account of [[religion]] nor drove you out of your homes. Verily, [[Allah]] loves those who deal with equity.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوٓا۟ إِذَا جَآءَكُمُ ٱلْمُؤْمِنَـٰتُ مُهَـٰجِرَٰتٍۢ فَٱمْتَحِنُوهُنَّ ۖ ٱللَّهُ أَعْلَمُ بِإِيمَـٰنِهِنَّ ۖ فَإِنْ عَلِمْتُمُوهُنَّ مُؤْمِنَـٰتٍۢ فَلَا تَرْجِعُوهُنَّ إِلَى ٱلْكُفَّارِ ۖ لَا هُنَّ حِلٌّۭ لَّهُمْ وَلَا هُمْ يَحِلُّونَ لَهُنَّ ۖ وَءَاتُوهُم مَّآ أَنفَقُوا۟ ۚ وَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْكُمْ أَن تَنكِحُوهُنَّ إِذَآ ءَاتَيْتُمُوهُنَّ أُجُورَهُنَّ ۚ وَلَا تُمْسِكُوا۟ بِعِصَمِ ٱلْكَوَافِرِ وَسْـَٔلُوا۟ مَآ أَنفَقْتُمْ وَلْيَسْـَٔلُوا۟ مَآ أَنفَقُوا۟ ۚ ذَٰلِكُمْ حُكْمُ ٱللَّهِ ۖ يَحْكُمُ بَيْنَكُمْ ۚ وَٱللَّهُ عَلِيمٌ حَكِيمٌۭ}} ** [https://quran.com/60/10 Quran 60:10] ** Translations: *** O believers! When the believing women come to you as emigrants, test their intentions—their faith is best known to Allah—and if you find them to be believers, then do not send them back to the disbelievers. These ˹women˺ are not lawful ˹wives˺ for the disbelievers, nor are the disbelievers lawful ˹husbands˺ for them. ˹But˺ repay the disbelievers whatever ˹dowries˺ they had paid. And there is no blame on you if you marry these ˹women˺ as long as you pay them their dowries. And do not hold on to marriage with polytheistic women. ˹But˺ demand ˹repayment of˺ whatever ˹dowries˺ you had paid, and let the disbelievers do the same. That is the judgment of Allah—He judges between you. And Allah is All-Knowing, All-Wise. **** [https://quran.com/60/10?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** O you who believe! When believing women come to you as emigrants, examine them; Allâh knows best as to their Faith, then if you ascertain that they are true believers send them not back to the disbelievers. They are not lawful (wives) for the disbelievers nor are the disbelievers lawful (husbands) for them. But give them (the disbelievers) that (amount of money) which they have spent [as their Mahr] to them. And there will be no sin on you to marry them if you have paid their Mahr to them. Likewise hold not the disbelieving women as wives, and ask for (the return of) that which you have spent (as Mahr ) and let them (the disbelievers) ask back for that which they have spent. That is the Judgement of Allâh, He judges between you. And Allâh is All-Knowing, All-Wise.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 68: [[w:Al-Qalam|Al-Qalam]] === * {{arabic|weight=bold|مَا لَكُمْ كَيْفَ تَحْكُمُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/68/36 Quran 68:36] ** Translations: *** What is the matter with you? How do you judge? **** [https://quran.com/68/36?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** What is the matter with you? How judge you?{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|أَمْ لَكُمْ أَيْمَـٰنٌ عَلَيْنَا بَـٰلِغَةٌ إِلَىٰ يَوْمِ ٱلْقِيَـٰمَةِ ۙ إِنَّ لَكُمْ لَمَا تَحْكُمُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/68/39 Quran 68:39] ** Translations: *** Or do you have oaths binding on Us until the Day of Judgment that you will have whatever you decide? **** [https://quran.com/68/39?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Or have you oaths from Us, reaching to the Day of Resurrection, that yours will be what you judge?{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|فَٱصْبِرْ لِحُكْمِ رَبِّكَ وَلَا تَكُن كَصَاحِبِ ٱلْحُوتِ إِذْ نَادَىٰ وَهُوَ مَكْظُومٌۭ}} ** [https://quran.com/68/48 Quran 68:48] ** Translations: *** So be patient with your Lord's decree, and do not be like ˹Jonah,˺ the Man of the Whale, who cried out ˹to Allah˺, in total distress. **** [https://quran.com/68/48?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** So wait with patience for the Decision of your Lord, and be not like the Companion of the Fish – when he cried out (to Us) while he was in deep [[sorrow]].{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 76: [[w:Al-Insan|Al-Insan]] === * {{arabic|weight=bold|فَٱصْبِرْ لِحُكْمِ رَبِّكَ وَلَا تُطِعْ مِنْهُمْ ءَاثِمًا أَوْ كَفُورًۭا}} ** [https://quran.com/76/24 Quran 76:24] ** Translations: *** So be patient with your Lord's decree, and do not yield to any evildoer or ˹staunch˺ disbeliever from among them. **** [https://quran.com/76/24?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Therefore, be patient (O Muhammad) with constancy to the Command of your Lord (Allâh, by doing your duty to Him and by conveying His Message to mankind), and obey neither a sinner nor a disbeliever among them.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 95: [[w:Al-Alaq|Al-Alaq]] === * {{arabic|weight=bold|أَلَيْسَ ٱللَّهُ بِأَحْكَمِ ٱلْحَـٰكِمِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/95/8 Quran 95:8] ** Translations: *** Is Allah not the most just of all judges? **** [https://quran.com/95/8?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Is not [[Allah]] the Best of judges?{{Citation needed}} == See also == * [[Jannah]] * [[Jahannam]] * [[Quran]] == External links == {{Wikipedia|Justice in the Quran}} [[Category:Quran]] [[Category:Justice]] [[Category:Islamic law]] q1mi0zcv2y9wizr1afg35fse9hfg640 3779108 3779107 2025-07-15T11:43:53Z SolarisQ 3137151 Right-aligned text 3779108 wikitext text/x-wiki The [[Quran]] has '''[[w:Justice in the Quran|verses on justice]]'''. [[Justice]] is a central theme in the Quran, dictating the traditions of law and how they should be put into practice. There are two ways in which justice operates (within the Quran): in a legal sense and in a divine sense. Regarding justice in the legal sense, the Quran tells Muslims not only how to conduct themselves, but is also regarded as being very important regarding relationships for Muslims. == Quotes from the Quran == === Chapter 2: [[w:Al-Baqarah|Al-Baqarah]] === * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|وَلَا تَأْكُلُوٓا۟ أَمْوَٰلَكُم بَيْنَكُم بِٱلْبَـٰطِلِ وَتُدْلُوا۟ بِهَآ إِلَى ٱلْحُكَّامِ لِتَأْكُلُوا۟ فَرِيقًۭا مِّنْ أَمْوَٰلِ ٱلنَّاسِ بِٱلْإِثْمِ وَأَنتُمْ تَعْلَمُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/2/188 Quran 2:188] ** Translations: *** Do not consume one another's wealth unjustly, nor deliberately bribe authorities in order to devour a portion of others’ property, knowing that it is a sin. **** [https://quran.com/2/188?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** And eat up not one another's property unjustly (in any illegal way e.g. stealing, robbing, deceiving, etc.), nor give bribery to the rulers (judges before presenting your cases) that you may knowingly eat up a part of the property of others sinfully.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 4: [[w:An-Nisa|An-Nisa]] === * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يَأْمُرُكُمْ أَن تُؤَدُّوا۟ ٱلْأَمَـٰنَـٰتِ إِلَىٰٓ أَهْلِهَا وَإِذَا حَكَمْتُم بَيْنَ ٱلنَّاسِ أَن تَحْكُمُوا۟ بِٱلْعَدْلِ ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ نِعِمَّا يَعِظُكُم بِهِۦٓ ۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ كَانَ سَمِيعًۢا بَصِيرًۭا}} ** [https://quran.com/4/58 Quran 4:58] ** Translations: *** Indeed, Allah commands you to return trusts to their rightful owners; and when you judge between people, judge with fairness. What a noble commandment from Allah to you! Surely Allah is All-Hearing, All-Seeing. **** [https://quran.com/4/58?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Verily! Allah commands that you should render back the trusts to those to whom they are due; and that when you judge between men, you judge with justice. Verily, how excellent is the teaching which He (Allah) gives you! Truly, Allah is Ever All-Hearer, All-Seer.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|فَلَا وَرَبِّكَ لَا يُؤْمِنُونَ حَتَّىٰ يُحَكِّمُوكَ فِيمَا شَجَرَ بَيْنَهُمْ ثُمَّ لَا يَجِدُوا۟ فِىٓ أَنفُسِهِمْ حَرَجًۭا مِّمَّا قَضَيْتَ وَيُسَلِّمُوا۟ تَسْلِيمًۭا}} ** [https://quran.com/4/65 Quran 4:65] ** Translations: *** But no! By your Lord, they will never be ˹true˺ believers until they accept you ˹O Prophet˺ as the judge in their disputes, and find no resistance within themselves against your decision and submit wholeheartedly. **** [https://quran.com/4/65?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** But no, by your Lord, they can have no Faith, until they make you (O Muhammad) judge in all disputes between them, and find in themselves no resistance against your decisions, and accept (them) with full submission.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|وَمَا كَانَ لِمُؤْمِنٍ أَن يَقْتُلَ مُؤْمِنًا إِلَّا خَطَـًۭٔا ۚ وَمَن قَتَلَ مُؤْمِنًا خَطَـًۭٔا فَتَحْرِيرُ رَقَبَةٍۢ مُّؤْمِنَةٍۢ وَدِيَةٌۭ مُّسَلَّمَةٌ إِلَىٰٓ أَهْلِهِۦٓ إِلَّآ أَن يَصَّدَّقُوا۟ ۚ فَإِن كَانَ مِن قَوْمٍ عَدُوٍّۢ لَّكُمْ وَهُوَ مُؤْمِنٌۭ فَتَحْرِيرُ رَقَبَةٍۢ مُّؤْمِنَةٍۢ ۖ وَإِن كَانَ مِن قَوْمٍۭ بَيْنَكُمْ وَبَيْنَهُم مِّيثَـٰقٌۭ فَدِيَةٌۭ مُّسَلَّمَةٌ إِلَىٰٓ أَهْلِهِۦ وَتَحْرِيرُ رَقَبَةٍۢ مُّؤْمِنَةٍۢ ۖ فَمَن لَّمْ يَجِدْ فَصِيَامُ شَهْرَيْنِ مُتَتَابِعَيْنِ تَوْبَةًۭ مِّنَ ٱللَّهِ ۗ وَكَانَ ٱللَّهُ عَلِيمًا حَكِيمًۭا}} ** [https://quran.com/4/92 Quran 4:92] ** Translations: *** It is not lawful for a believer to kill another except by mistake. And whoever kills a believer unintentionally must free a believing slave and pay blood-money to the victim's family—unless they waive it charitably. But if the victim is a believer from a hostile people, then a believing slave must be freed. And if the victim is from a people bound with you in a treaty, then blood-money must be paid to the family along with freeing a believing slave. Those who are unable, let them fast two consecutive months—as a means of repentance to Allah. And Allah is All-Knowing, All-Wise. **** [https://quran.com/4/92?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** It is not for a believer to kill a believer except (that it be) by mistake; and whosoever kills a believer by mistake, (it is ordained that) he must set free a believing slave and a compensation (blood-money, i.e. Diya) be given to the deceased's family unless they remit it. If the deceased belonged to a people at war with you and he was a believer, the freeing of a believing slave (is prescribed); and if he belonged to a people with whom you have a treaty of mutual alliance, compensation (blood-money - Diya) must be paid to his family, and a believing slave must be freed. And who so finds this (the penance of freeing a slave) beyond his means, he must fast for two consecutive months in order to seek repentance from Allah. And Allah is Ever All-Knowing, All-Wise.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ كُونُوا۟ قَوَّٰمِينَ بِٱلْقِسْطِ شُهَدَآءَ لِلَّهِ وَلَوْ عَلَىٰٓ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَوِ ٱلْوَٰلِدَيْنِ وَٱلْأَقْرَبِينَ ۚ إِن يَكُنْ غَنِيًّا أَوْ فَقِيرًۭا فَٱللَّهُ أَوْلَىٰ بِهِمَا ۖ فَلَا تَتَّبِعُوا۟ ٱلْهَوَىٰٓ أَن تَعْدِلُوا۟ ۚ وَإِن تَلْوُۥٓا۟ أَوْ تُعْرِضُوا۟ فَإِنَّ ٱللَّهَ كَانَ بِمَا تَعْمَلُونَ خَبِيرًۭا}} ** [https://quran.com/4/135 Quran 4:135] ** Translations: *** O believers! Stand firm for justice as witnesses for Allah even if it is against yourselves, your parents, or close relatives. Be they rich or poor, Allah is best to ensure their interests. So do not let your desires cause you to deviate ˹from justice˺. If you distort the testimony or refuse to give it, then ˹know that˺ Allah is certainly All-Aware of what you do. **** [https://quran.com/4/135?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** O ye who believe! Be ye staunch in justice, witnesses for Allah, even though it be against yourselves or (your) parents or (your) kindred, whether (the case be of) a rich man or a poor man, for Allah is nearer unto both (them ye are). So follow not passion lest ye lapse (from truth) and if ye lapse or fall away, then lo! Allah is ever Informed of what ye do.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 5: [[w:Al-Ma'idah|Al-Ma'idah]] === * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوٓا۟ أَوْفُوا۟ بِٱلْعُقُودِ ۚ أُحِلَّتْ لَكُم بَهِيمَةُ ٱلْأَنْعَـٰمِ إِلَّا مَا يُتْلَىٰ عَلَيْكُمْ غَيْرَ مُحِلِّى ٱلصَّيْدِ وَأَنتُمْ حُرُمٌ ۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يَحْكُمُ مَا يُرِيدُ}} ** [https://quran.com/5/1 Quran 5:1] ** Translations: *** O believers! Honour your obligations. All grazing livestock has been made lawful to you—except what is hereby announced to you and hunting while on pilgrimage. Indeed, Allah commands what He wills. **** [https://quran.com/5/1?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** O you who believe! Fulfil (your) obligations. Lawful to you (for food) are all the beasts of cattle except that which will be announced to you (herein), game (also) being unlawful when you assume Ihrâm for Hajj or 'Umrah (pilgrimage). Verily, Allâh commands that which He wills.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|وَٱلسَّارِقُ وَٱلسَّارِقَةُ [[w:Hudud#Quran|فَٱقْطَعُوٓا۟ أَيْدِيَهُمَا]] جَزَآءًۢ بِمَا كَسَبَا نَكَـٰلًۭا مِّنَ ٱللَّهِ ۗ وَٱللَّهُ عَزِيزٌ حَكِيمٌۭ}} ** [https://quran.com/5/38 Quran 5:38] ** Translations: *** As for male and female thieves, [[w:Hudud#Quran|cut off their hands]] for what they have done—a deterrent from Allah. And Allah is Almighty, All-Wise. **** [https://quran.com/5/38?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** And (as for) the male thief and the female thief, [[w:Hudud#Quran|cut off (from the wrist joint) their (right) hands]] as a recompense for that which they committed, a punishment by way of example from Allâh. And Allâh is All-Powerful, All-Wise.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|سَمَّـٰعُونَ لِلْكَذِبِ أَكَّـٰلُونَ لِلسُّحْتِ ۚ فَإِن جَآءُوكَ فَٱحْكُم بَيْنَهُمْ أَوْ أَعْرِضْ عَنْهُمْ ۖ وَإِن تُعْرِضْ عَنْهُمْ فَلَن يَضُرُّوكَ شَيْـًۭٔا ۖ وَإِنْ حَكَمْتَ فَٱحْكُم بَيْنَهُم بِٱلْقِسْطِ ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يُحِبُّ ٱلْمُقْسِطِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/5/42 Quran 5:42] ** Translations: *** They eagerly listen to falsehood and consume forbidden gain. So if they come to you ˹O Prophet˺, either judge between them or turn away from them. If you turn away from them, they cannot harm you whatsoever. But if you judge between them, then do so with justice. Surely Allah loves those who are just. **** [https://quran.com/5/42?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** (They like to) listen to falsehood, to devour anything forbidden. So if they come to you (O Muhammad), either judge between them, or turn away from them. If you turn away from them, they cannot hurt you in the least. And if you judge, judge with justice between them. Verily, Allâh loves those who act justly.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|وَكَيْفَ يُحَكِّمُونَكَ وَعِندَهُمُ ٱلتَّوْرَىٰةُ فِيهَا حُكْمُ ٱللَّهِ ثُمَّ يَتَوَلَّوْنَ مِنۢ بَعْدِ ذَٰلِكَ ۚ وَمَآ أُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ بِٱلْمُؤْمِنِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/5/43 Quran 5:43] ** Translations: *** But why do they come to you for judgment when they ˹already˺ have the Torah containing Allah's judgment, then they turn away after all? They are not ˹true˺ believers. **** [https://quran.com/5/43?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** But how do they come to you for decision while they have the Taurât (Torah), in which is the (plain) Decision of Allâh; yet even after that, they turn away. For they are not (really) believers.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|إِنَّآ أَنزَلْنَا ٱلتَّوْرَىٰةَ فِيهَا هُدًۭى وَنُورٌۭ ۚ يَحْكُمُ بِهَا ٱلنَّبِيُّونَ ٱلَّذِينَ أَسْلَمُوا۟ لِلَّذِينَ هَادُوا۟ وَٱلرَّبَّـٰنِيُّونَ وَٱلْأَحْبَارُ بِمَا ٱسْتُحْفِظُوا۟ مِن كِتَـٰبِ ٱللَّهِ وَكَانُوا۟ عَلَيْهِ شُهَدَآءَ ۚ فَلَا تَخْشَوُا۟ ٱلنَّاسَ وَٱخْشَوْنِ وَلَا تَشْتَرُوا۟ بِـَٔايَـٰتِى ثَمَنًۭا قَلِيلًۭا ۚ وَمَن لَّمْ يَحْكُم بِمَآ أَنزَلَ ٱللَّهُ فَأُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ هُمُ ٱلْكَـٰفِرُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/5/44 Quran 5:44] ** Translations: *** Indeed, We revealed the Torah, containing guidance and light, by which the prophets, who submitted themselves to Allah, made judgments for Jews. So too did the rabbis and scholars judge according to Allah's Book, with which they were entrusted and of which they were made keepers. So do not fear the people; fear Me! Nor trade my revelations for a fleeting gain. And those who do not judge by what Allah has revealed are ˹truly˺ the disbelievers. **** [https://quran.com/5/44?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Verily, We did send down the Taurât (Torah) [to Mûsâ (Moses)], therein was guidance and light, by which the Prophets, who submitted themselves to Allâh's Will, judged for the Jews. And the rabbis and the priests [too judged for the Jews by the Taurât (Torah) after those Prophets], for to them was entrusted the protection of Allâh's Book, and they were witnesses thereto. Therefore fear not men but fear Me (O Jews) and sell not My Verses for a miserable price. And whosoever does not judge by what Allah has revealed, such are the Kâfirûn (i.e. disbelievers – of a lesser degree as they do not act on Allâh's Laws).{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|وَكَتَبْنَا عَلَيْهِمْ فِيهَآ أَنَّ ٱلنَّفْسَ بِٱلنَّفْسِ وَٱلْعَيْنَ بِٱلْعَيْنِ وَٱلْأَنفَ بِٱلْأَنفِ وَٱلْأُذُنَ بِٱلْأُذُنِ وَٱلسِّنَّ بِٱلسِّنِّ وَٱلْجُرُوحَ قِصَاصٌۭ ۚ فَمَن تَصَدَّقَ بِهِۦ فَهُوَ كَفَّارَةٌۭ لَّهُۥ ۚ وَمَن لَّمْ يَحْكُم بِمَآ أَنزَلَ ٱللَّهُ فَأُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ هُمُ ٱلظَّـٰلِمُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/5/45 Quran 5:45] ** Translations: *** We ordained for them in the Torah, "A life for a life, an eye for an eye, a nose for a nose, an ear for an ear, a tooth for a tooth—and for wounds equal retaliation." But whoever waives it charitably, it will be atonement for them. And those who do not judge by what Allah has revealed are ˹truly˺ the wrongdoers. **** [https://quran.com/5/45?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** And We ordained therein for them (The Jews): "Life for life, eye for eye, nose for nose, ear for ear, tooth for tooth, and wounds equal for equal." But if anyone remits the retaliation by way of charity, it shall be for him an expiation. And whosoever does not judge by that which Allah has revealed, such are the Zâlimûn (polytheists and wrong-doers – of a lesser degree).{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|وَلْيَحْكُمْ أَهْلُ ٱلْإِنجِيلِ بِمَآ أَنزَلَ ٱللَّهُ فِيهِ ۚ وَمَن لَّمْ يَحْكُم بِمَآ أَنزَلَ ٱللَّهُ فَأُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ هُمُ ٱلْفَـٰسِقُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/5/47 Quran 5:47] ** Translations: *** So let the people of the Gospel judge by what Allah has revealed in it. And those who do not judge by what Allah has revealed are ˹truly˺ the rebellious. **** [https://quran.com/5/47?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Let the people of the Injeel (Gospel) judge by what Allah has revealed therein. And whosoever does not judge by what Allah has revealed (then) such (people) are the Fâsiqûn [the rebellious i.e. disobedient (of a lesser degree)] to Allah.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|وَأَنِ ٱحْكُم بَيْنَهُم بِمَآ أَنزَلَ ٱللَّهُ وَلَا تَتَّبِعْ أَهْوَآءَهُمْ وَٱحْذَرْهُمْ أَن يَفْتِنُوكَ عَنۢ بَعْضِ مَآ أَنزَلَ ٱللَّهُ إِلَيْكَ ۖ فَإِن تَوَلَّوْا۟ فَٱعْلَمْ أَنَّمَا يُرِيدُ ٱللَّهُ أَن يُصِيبَهُم بِبَعْضِ ذُنُوبِهِمْ ۗ وَإِنَّ كَثِيرًۭا مِّنَ ٱلنَّاسِ لَفَـٰسِقُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/5/49 Quran 5:49] ** Translations: *** And judge between them ˹O Prophet˺ by what Allah has revealed, and do not follow their desires. And beware, so they do not lure you away from some of what Allah has revealed to you. If they turn away ˹from Allah's judgment˺, then know that it is Allah's Will to repay them for some of their sins, and that many people are indeed rebellious. **** [https://quran.com/5/49?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** And so judge (you O Muhammad) among them by what Allah has revealed and follow not their vain desires, but beware of them lest they turn you (O Muhammad) far away from some of that which Allâh has sent down to you. And if they turn away, then know that Allâh's Will is to punish them for some sins of theirs. And truly, most of men are Fâsiqûn (rebellious and disobedient to Allah).{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|أَفَحُكْمَ ٱلْجَـٰهِلِيَّةِ يَبْغُونَ ۚ وَمَنْ أَحْسَنُ مِنَ ٱللَّهِ حُكْمًۭا لِّقَوْمٍۢ يُوقِنُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/5/50 Quran 5:50] ** Translations: *** Is it the judgment of ˹pre-Islamic˺ ignorance they seek? Who could be a better judge than Allah for people of sure faith? **** [https://quran.com/5/50?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Do they then seek the judgement of (the days of) Ignorance? (pre-Islam) And who is better in judgement than Allah for a people who have firm Faith.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|لَا يُؤَاخِذُكُمُ ٱللَّهُ بِٱللَّغْوِ فِىٓ أَيْمَـٰنِكُمْ وَلَـٰكِن يُؤَاخِذُكُم بِمَا عَقَّدتُّمُ ٱلْأَيْمَـٰنَ ۖ فَكَفَّـٰرَتُهُۥٓ إِطْعَامُ عَشَرَةِ مَسَـٰكِينَ مِنْ أَوْسَطِ مَا تُطْعِمُونَ أَهْلِيكُمْ أَوْ كِسْوَتُهُمْ أَوْ تَحْرِيرُ رَقَبَةٍۢ ۖ فَمَن لَّمْ يَجِدْ فَصِيَامُ ثَلَـٰثَةِ أَيَّامٍۢ ۚ ذَٰلِكَ كَفَّـٰرَةُ أَيْمَـٰنِكُمْ إِذَا حَلَفْتُمْ ۚ وَٱحْفَظُوٓا۟ أَيْمَـٰنَكُمْ ۚ كَذَٰلِكَ يُبَيِّنُ ٱللَّهُ لَكُمْ ءَايَـٰتِهِۦ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَشْكُرُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/5/89 Quran 5:89] ** Translations: *** Allah will not call you to account for your thoughtless oaths, but He will hold you accountable for deliberate oaths. The penalty for a broken oath is to feed ten poor people from what you normally feed your own family, or to clothe them, or to free a bondsperson. But if none of this is affordable, then you must fast three days. This is the penalty for breaking your oaths. So be mindful of your oaths. This is how Allah makes things clear to you, so perhaps you will be grateful. **** [https://quran.com/5/89?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Allah will not punish you for the oaths you make accidentally, but He will punish you for the oaths you make intentionally; for the expiation of oaths made or violated accidentally feed ten Masakin (poor persons), on a scale of the average of that with which you feed your own families; or clothe them; or manumit a slave. But whosoever cannot afford (that), then he should fast for three days. That is the expiation for the oaths that you have sworn or broken accidentally. So protect your intentional oaths as Allah has made it clear to you in His Ayat so that you may be grateful.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ لَا تَقْتُلُوا۟ ٱلصَّيْدَ وَأَنتُمْ حُرُمٌۭ ۚ وَمَن قَتَلَهُۥ مِنكُم مُّتَعَمِّدًۭا فَجَزَآءٌۭ مِّثْلُ مَا قَتَلَ مِنَ ٱلنَّعَمِ يَحْكُمُ بِهِۦ ذَوَا عَدْلٍۢ مِّنكُمْ هَدْيًۢا بَـٰلِغَ ٱلْكَعْبَةِ أَوْ كَفَّـٰرَةٌۭ طَعَامُ مَسَـٰكِينَ أَوْ عَدْلُ ذَٰلِكَ صِيَامًۭا لِّيَذُوقَ وَبَالَ أَمْرِهِۦ ۗ عَفَا ٱللَّهُ عَمَّا سَلَفَ ۚ وَمَنْ عَادَ فَيَنتَقِمُ ٱللَّهُ مِنْهُ ۗ وَٱللَّهُ عَزِيزٌۭ ذُو ٱنتِقَامٍ}} ** [https://quran.com/5/95 Quran 5:95] ** Translations: *** O believers! Do not kill game while on pilgrimage. Whoever kills game intentionally must compensate by offering its equivalence—as judged by two just men among you—to be offered at the Sacred House, or by feeding the needy, or by fasting so that they may taste the consequences of their violations. Allah has forgiven what has been done. But those who persist will be punished by Allah. And Allah is Almighty, capable of punishment. **** [https://quran.com/5/95?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** O you who believe! Kill not the game while you are in a state of Ihrâm [for Hajj or ‘Umrah (pilgrimage)], and whosoever of you kills it intentionally, the penalty is an offering, brought to the Ka'bah, of an eatable animal (i.e. sheep, goat, cow) equivalent to the one he killed, as adjudged by two just men among you; or, for expiation, he should feed Masâkîn (poor persons), or its equivalent in Saum (fasting), that he may taste the heaviness (punishment) of his deed. Allâh has forgiven what is past, but whosoever commits it again, Allâh will take retribution from him. And Allâh is All-Mighty, All-Able of Retribution.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 6: [[w:Al-An'am|Al-An'am]] === * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|قُلْ إِنِّى عَلَىٰ بَيِّنَةٍۢ مِّن رَّبِّى وَكَذَّبْتُم بِهِۦ ۚ مَا عِندِى مَا تَسْتَعْجِلُونَ بِهِۦٓ ۚ إِنِ ٱلْحُكْمُ إِلَّا لِلَّهِ ۖ يَقُصُّ ٱلْحَقَّ ۖ وَهُوَ خَيْرُ ٱلْفَـٰصِلِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/6/57 Quran 6:57] *** Say, ˹O Prophet,˺ "Indeed, I stand on a clear proof from my Lord—yet you have denied it. That ˹torment˺ you seek to hasten is not within my power. It is only Allah Who decides ˹its time˺. He declares the truth. And He is the Best of Judges." **** [https://quran.com/6/57?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Say (O [[Muhammad]]): "I am on clear proof from my Lord (Islâmic Monotheism), but you deny it (the truth that has come to me from Allâh). I have not gotten what you are asking for impatiently (the torment). The decision is only for Allah, He declares the truth, and He is the Best of judges."{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|ثُمَّ رُدُّوٓا۟ إِلَى ٱللَّهِ مَوْلَىٰهُمُ ٱلْحَقِّ ۚ أَلَا لَهُ ٱلْحُكْمُ وَهُوَ أَسْرَعُ ٱلْحَـٰسِبِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/6/62 Quran 6:62] *** Then they are ˹all˺ returned to Allah—their True Master. Judgment is His ˹alone˺. And He is the Swiftest Reckoner. **** [https://quran.com/6/62?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Then they are returned to Allah, their True Maulâ [True Master (God), the Just Lord (to reward them)]. Surely, for Him is the judgement and He is the Swiftest in taking account.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|أَفَغَيْرَ ٱللَّهِ أَبْتَغِى حَكَمًۭا وَهُوَ ٱلَّذِىٓ أَنزَلَ إِلَيْكُمُ ٱلْكِتَـٰبَ مُفَصَّلًۭا ۚ وَٱلَّذِينَ ءَاتَيْنَـٰهُمُ ٱلْكِتَـٰبَ يَعْلَمُونَ أَنَّهُۥ مُنَزَّلٌۭ مِّن رَّبِّكَ بِٱلْحَقِّ ۖ فَلَا تَكُونَنَّ مِنَ ٱلْمُمْتَرِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/6/114 Quran 6:114] ** Translations: *** ˹Say, O Prophet,˺ “Should I seek a judge other than Allah while He is the One Who has revealed for you the Book ˹with the truth˺ perfectly explained?” Those who were given the Scripture know that it has been revealed ˹to you˺ from your Lord in truth. So do not be one of those who doubt. **** [https://quran.com/6/114?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** [Say (O Muhammad)] "Shall I seek a judge other than Allah while it is He Who has sent down unto you the [[Quran|Book]] (the [[Quran|Qurân]]), explained in detail." Those unto whom We gave the Scripture [the [[w:Torah|Taurât]] (Torah) and the [[w:Gospel|Injeel]] (Gospel)] know that it is revealed from your Lord in truth. So be not you of those who doubt.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 7: [[w:Al-A'raf|Al-A'raf]] === * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|وَإِن كَانَ طَآئِفَةٌۭ مِّنكُمْ ءَامَنُوا۟ بِٱلَّذِىٓ أُرْسِلْتُ بِهِۦ وَطَآئِفَةٌۭ لَّمْ يُؤْمِنُوا۟ فَٱصْبِرُوا۟ حَتَّىٰ يَحْكُمَ ٱللَّهُ بَيْنَنَا ۚ وَهُوَ خَيْرُ ٱلْحَـٰكِمِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/7/87 Quran 7:87] ** Translations: *** If some of you do believe in what I have been sent with while others do not, then be patient until Allah judges between us. He is the Best of Judges. **** [https://quran.com/7/87?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** And if there is a party of you who believe in that with which I have been sent and a party who do not believe, so be patient until [[Allah]] judges between us, and He is the Best of judges.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 9: [[w:At-Tawbah|At-Tawbah]] === * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|وَءَاخَرُونَ مُرْجَوْنَ لِأَمْرِ ٱللَّهِ إِمَّا يُعَذِّبُهُمْ وَإِمَّا يَتُوبُ عَلَيْهِمْ ۗ وَٱللَّهُ عَلِيمٌ حَكِيمٌۭ}} ** [https://quran.com/9/106 Quran 9:106] ** Translations: *** And some others are left for Allah's decision, either to punish them or turn to them in mercy. And Allah is All-Knowing, All-Wise. **** [https://quran.com/9/106?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** And others are made to await for Allâh's Decree, whether He will punish them or will forgive them. And Allâh is All-Knowing, All-Wise.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 10: [[w:Yunus (surah)|Yunus]] === * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|قُلْ هَلْ مِن شُرَكَآئِكُم مَّن يَهْدِىٓ إِلَى ٱلْحَقِّ ۚ قُلِ ٱللَّهُ يَهْدِى لِلْحَقِّ ۗ أَفَمَن يَهْدِىٓ إِلَى ٱلْحَقِّ أَحَقُّ أَن يُتَّبَعَ أَمَّن لَّا يَهِدِّىٓ إِلَّآ أَن يُهْدَىٰ ۖ فَمَا لَكُمْ كَيْفَ تَحْكُمُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/10/35 Quran 10:35] ** Translations: *** Ask ˹them, O Prophet˺, "Can any of your associate-gods guide to the truth?" Say, "˹Only˺ Allah guides to the truth." Who then is more worthy to be followed: the One Who guides to the truth or those who cannot find the way unless guided? What is the matter with you? How do you judge? **** [https://quran.com/10/35?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Say: "Is there of your (Allah's so-called) partners one that guides to the truth?" Say: "It is [[Allah]] Who guides to the truth. Is then He Who guides to the truth more worthy to be followed, or he who finds not guidance (himself) unless he is guided? Then, what is the matter with you? How judge you?"{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|وَٱتَّبِعْ مَا يُوحَىٰٓ إِلَيْكَ وَٱصْبِرْ حَتَّىٰ يَحْكُمَ ٱللَّهُ ۚ وَهُوَ خَيْرُ ٱلْحَـٰكِمِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/10/109 Quran 10:109] ** Translations: *** And follow what is revealed to you, and be patient until Allah passes His judgment. For He is the Best of Judges. **** [https://quran.com/10/109?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** And (O [[Muhammad]]), follow the revelation sent unto you, and be patient till [[Allah]] gives judgement. And He is the Best of judges.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 13: [[w:Ar-Ra'd|Ar-Ra'd]] === * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|وَكَذَٰلِكَ أَنزَلْنَـٰهُ حُكْمًا عَرَبِيًّۭا ۚ وَلَئِنِ ٱتَّبَعْتَ أَهْوَآءَهُم بَعْدَ مَا جَآءَكَ مِنَ ٱلْعِلْمِ مَا لَكَ مِنَ ٱللَّهِ مِن وَلِىٍّۢ وَلَا وَاقٍۢ}} ** [https://quran.com/13/37 Quran 13:37] ** Translations: *** And so We have revealed it as an authority in Arabic. And if you were to follow their desires after ˹all˺ the knowledge that has come to you, there would be none to protect or shield you from Allah. **** [https://quran.com/13/37?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** And thus have We sent it (the [[Quran]]) down to be a judgement of authority in Arabic. Were you (O Muhammad) to follow their (vain) desires after the knowledge which has come to you, then you will not have any Walî (protector) or Wâq (defender) against [[Allah]].{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|أَوَلَمْ يَرَوْا۟ أَنَّا نَأْتِى ٱلْأَرْضَ نَنقُصُهَا مِنْ أَطْرَافِهَا ۚ وَٱللَّهُ يَحْكُمُ لَا مُعَقِّبَ لِحُكْمِهِۦ ۚ وَهُوَ سَرِيعُ ٱلْحِسَابِ}} ** [https://quran.com/13/41 Quran 13:41] ** Translations: *** Do they not see that We gradually reduce their land from its borders? Allah decides—none can reverse His decision. And He is swift in reckoning. **** [https://quran.com/13/41?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** See they not that We gradually reduce the land (of the disbelievers, by giving it to the believers, in war victories) from its outlying borders. And Allâh judges, there is none to put back His Judgement and He is Swift at reckoning.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 16: [[w:An-Nahl|An-Nahl]] === * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|يَتَوَٰرَىٰ مِنَ ٱلْقَوْمِ مِن سُوٓءِ مَا بُشِّرَ بِهِۦٓ ۚ أَيُمْسِكُهُۥ عَلَىٰ هُونٍ أَمْ يَدُسُّهُۥ فِى ٱلتُّرَابِ ۗ أَلَا سَآءَ مَا يَحْكُمُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/16/59 Quran 16:59] ** Translations: *** He hides himself from the people because of the bad news he has received. Should he keep her in disgrace, or bury her ˹alive˺ in the ground? Evil indeed is their judgment! **** [https://quran.com/16/59?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** He hides himself from the people because of the evil of that whereof he has been informed. Shall he keep her with dishonor or bury her in the earth (female infanticide)? Certainly, evil is their decision.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|إِنَّمَا جُعِلَ ٱلسَّبْتُ عَلَى ٱلَّذِينَ ٱخْتَلَفُوا۟ فِيهِ ۚ وَإِنَّ رَبَّكَ لَيَحْكُمُ بَيْنَهُمْ يَوْمَ ٱلْقِيَـٰمَةِ فِيمَا كَانُوا۟ فِيهِ يَخْتَلِفُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/16/124 Quran 16:124] ** Translations: *** ˹Honouring˺ the Sabbath was ordained only for those who disputed about Abraham. And surely your Lord will judge between them on the Day of Judgment regarding their disputes. **** [https://quran.com/16/124?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** The Sabbath was only prescribed for those who differed concerning it, and verily, your Lord will judge between them on the Day of Resurrection about that wherein they used to differ.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 21: [[w:Al-Anbiya|Al-Anbiya]] === * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|قَـٰلَ رَبِّ ٱحْكُم بِٱلْحَقِّ ۗ وَرَبُّنَا ٱلرَّحْمَـٰنُ ٱلْمُسْتَعَانُ عَلَىٰ مَا تَصِفُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/21/112 Quran 21:112] ** Translations: *** ˹In the end,˺ the Prophet said, “My Lord! Judge ˹between us˺ in truth. And our Lord is the Most Compassionate, Whose help is sought against what you claim. **** [https://quran.com/21/112?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** He (Muhammad) said: "My Lord! Judge You in truth! Our Lord is the Most Gracious, Whose Help is to be sought against that which you attribute (unto Allâh that He has offspring, and unto Muhammad that he is a sorcerer, and unto the [[Quran]] that it is poetry)!"{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 22: [[w:Al-Hajj|Al-Hajj]] === * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|وَمَآ أَرْسَلْنَا مِن قَبْلِكَ مِن رَّسُولٍۢ وَلَا نَبِىٍّ إِلَّآ إِذَا تَمَنَّىٰٓ أَلْقَى ٱلشَّيْطَـٰنُ فِىٓ أُمْنِيَّتِهِۦ فَيَنسَخُ ٱللَّهُ مَا يُلْقِى ٱلشَّيْطَـٰنُ ثُمَّ يُحْكِمُ ٱللَّهُ ءَايَـٰتِهِۦ ۗ وَٱللَّهُ عَلِيمٌ حَكِيمٌۭ}} ** [https://quran.com/22/52 Quran 22:52] ** Translations: *** Whenever We sent a messenger or a prophet before you ˹O Prophet˺ and he recited ˹Our revelations˺, Satan would influence ˹people’s understanding of˺ his recitation. But ˹eventually˺ Allah would eliminate Satan’s influence. Then Allah would ˹firmly˺ establish His revelations. And Allah is All-Knowing, All-Wise. **** [https://quran.com/22/52?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Never did We send a Messenger or a Prophet before you but when he did recite the revelation or narrated or spoke, Shaitân (Satan) threw (some falsehood) in it. But [[Allah]] abolishes that which Shaitân (Satan) throws in. Then [[Allah]] establishes His Revelations. And [[Allah]] is All-Knower, All-Wise.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|ٱلْمُلْكُ يَوْمَئِذٍۢ لِّلَّهِ يَحْكُمُ بَيْنَهُمْ ۚ فَٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ وَعَمِلُوا۟ ٱلصَّـٰلِحَـٰتِ فِى جَنَّـٰتِ ٱلنَّعِيمِ}} ** [https://quran.com/22/56 Quran 22:56] ** Translations: *** All authority on that Day is for Allah ˹alone˺. He will judge between them. So those who believe and do good will be in the Gardens of Bliss. **** [https://quran.com/22/56?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** The sovereignty on that Day will be that of Allâh (the One Who has no partners). He will judge between them. So those who believed (in the Oneness of Allâh - Islâmic Monotheism) and did righteous good deeds will be in Gardens of delight (Paradise).{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|لَيُدْخِلَنَّهُم مُّدْخَلًۭا يَرْضَوْنَهُۥ ۗ وَإِنَّ ٱللَّهَ لَعَلِيمٌ حَلِيمٌۭ}} ** [https://quran.com/22/59 Quran 22:59] ** Translations: *** He will certainly admit them into a place they will be pleased with. For Allah is truly All-Knowing, Most Forbearing. **** [https://quran.com/22/59?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** [[Allah]] will judge between you on the Day of Resurrection about that wherein you used to differ.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 24: [[w:An-Nur|An-Nur]] === * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|إِنَّمَا كَانَ قَوْلَ ٱلْمُؤْمِنِينَ إِذَا دُعُوٓا۟ إِلَى ٱللَّهِ وَرَسُولِهِۦ لِيَحْكُمَ بَيْنَهُمْ أَن يَقُولُوا۟ سَمِعْنَا وَأَطَعْنَا ۚ وَأُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ هُمُ ٱلْمُفْلِحُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/24/51 Quran 24:51] ** Translations: *** The only response of the ˹true˺ believers, when they are called to Allah and His Messenger so he may judge between them, is to say, "We hear and obey." It is they who will ˹truly˺ succeed. **** [https://quran.com/24/51?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** The only saying of the faithful believers, when they are called to [[Allah]] (His Words, the [[Quran]]) and His Messenger, to judge between them, is that they say: "We hear and we obey." And such are the successful (who will live forever in [[Jannah|Paradise]]).{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 27: [[w:Ash-Shu'ara|Ash-Shu'ara]] === * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|إِنَّ رَبَّكَ يَقْضِى بَيْنَهُم بِحُكْمِهِۦ ۚ وَهُوَ ٱلْعَزِيزُ ٱلْعَلِيمُ}} ** [https://quran.com/27/78 Quran 27:78] ** Translations: *** Your Lord will certainly judge between them by His justice, for He is the Almighty, All-Knowing. **** [https://quran.com/27/78?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Verily, your Lord will decide between them (various sects) by His Judgement. And He is the All-Mighty, the All-Knowing.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 28: [[w:Al-Qasas|Al-Qasas]] === * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|وَهُوَ ٱللَّهُ لَآ إِلَـٰهَ إِلَّا هُوَ ۖ لَهُ ٱلْحَمْدُ فِى ٱلْأُولَىٰ وَٱلْـَٔاخِرَةِ ۖ وَلَهُ ٱلْحُكْمُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/28/70 Quran 28:70] ** Translations: *** He is Allah. There is no god ˹worthy of worship˺ except Him. All praise belongs to Him in this life and the next. All authority is His. And to Him you will ˹all˺ be returned. **** [https://quran.com/28/70?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** And He is [[Allah]]: Lâ ilâha illa Huwa (none has the right to be worshipped but He), all praises and thanks be to Him (both) in the first (i.e. in this world) and in the last (i.e. in the Hereafter). And for Him is the Decision, and to Him shall you (all) be returned. * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|وَلَا تَدْعُ مَعَ ٱللَّهِ إِلَـٰهًا ءَاخَرَ ۘ لَآ إِلَـٰهَ إِلَّا هُوَ ۚ كُلُّ شَىْءٍ هَالِكٌ إِلَّا وَجْهَهُۥ ۚ لَهُ ٱلْحُكْمُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/28/88 Quran 28:88] ** Translations: *** And do not invoke any other god with Allah. There is no god ˹worthy of worship˺ except Him. Everything is bound to perish except He Himself. All authority belongs to Him. And to Him you will ˹all˺ be returned. **** [https://quran.com/28/88?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** And invoke not any other ilâh (god) along with Allâh: Lâ ilâha illa Huwa (none has the right to be worshipped but He). Everything will perish save His Face. His is the Decision, and to Him you (all) shall be returned.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 38: [[w:Ṣād (surah)|Ṣād]] === * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|إِذْ دَخَلُوا۟ عَلَىٰ دَاوُۥدَ فَفَزِعَ مِنْهُمْ ۖ قَالُوا۟ لَا تَخَفْ ۖ خَصْمَانِ بَغَىٰ بَعْضُنَا عَلَىٰ بَعْضٍۢ فَٱحْكُم بَيْنَنَا بِٱلْحَقِّ وَلَا تُشْطِطْ وَٱهْدِنَآ إِلَىٰ سَوَآءِ ٱلصِّرَٰطِ}} ** [https://quran.com/38/22 Quran 38:22] ** Translations: *** When they came into David's presence, he was startled by them. They said, "Have no fear. ˹We are merely˺ two in a dispute: one of us has wronged the other. So judge between us with truth—do not go beyond ˹it˺—and guide us to the right way." **** [https://quran.com/38/22?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** When they entered in upon Dâwûd ([[David]]), he was terrified of them. They said: "Fear not! (We are) two litigants, one of whom has wronged the other, therefore judge between us with truth, and treat us not with injustice, and guide us to the Right Way."{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|يَـٰدَاوُۥدُ إِنَّا جَعَلْنَـٰكَ خَلِيفَةًۭ فِى ٱلْأَرْضِ فَٱحْكُم بَيْنَ ٱلنَّاسِ بِٱلْحَقِّ وَلَا تَتَّبِعِ ٱلْهَوَىٰ فَيُضِلَّكَ عَن سَبِيلِ ٱللَّهِ ۚ إِنَّ ٱلَّذِينَ يَضِلُّونَ عَن سَبِيلِ ٱللَّهِ لَهُمْ عَذَابٌۭ شَدِيدٌۢ بِمَا نَسُوا۟ يَوْمَ ٱلْحِسَابِ}} ** [https://quran.com/38/26 Quran 38:26] ** Translations: *** ˹We instructed him:˺ “O David! We have surely made you an authority in the land, so judge between people with truth. And do not follow ˹your˺ desires or they will lead you astray from Allah’s Way. Surely those who go astray from Allah’s Way will suffer a severe punishment for neglecting the Day of Reckoning.” **** [https://quran.com/38/26?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** O Dâwûd ([[David]])! Verily! We have placed you as a successor on the earth; so judge you between men in truth (and justice) and follow not your desire – for it will mislead you from the Path of [[Allah]]. Verily, those who wander astray from the Path of Allâh (shall) have a severe torment, because they forgot the Day of Reckoning.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 39: [[w:Az-Zumar|Az-Zumar]] === * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|قُلِ ٱللَّهُمَّ فَاطِرَ ٱلسَّمَـٰوَٰتِ وَٱلْأَرْضِ عَـٰلِمَ ٱلْغَيْبِ وَٱلشَّهَـٰدَةِ أَنتَ تَحْكُمُ بَيْنَ عِبَادِكَ فِى مَا كَانُوا۟ فِيهِ يَخْتَلِفُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/39/46 Quran 39:46] ** Translations: *** Say, ˹O Prophet,˺ "O Allah—Originator of the heavens and the earth, Knower of the seen and unseen! You will judge between Your servants regarding their differences." **** [https://quran.com/39/46?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Say (O Muhammad): "O [[Allah]]! Creator of the heavens and the earth! All-Knower of the Ghaib (Unseen) and the seen! You will judge between your slaves about that wherein they used to differ."{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 52: [[w:At-Tur|At-Tur]] === * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|وَٱصْبِرْ لِحُكْمِ رَبِّكَ فَإِنَّكَ بِأَعْيُنِنَا ۖ وَسَبِّحْ بِحَمْدِ رَبِّكَ حِينَ تَقُومُ}} ** [https://quran.com/52/48 Quran 52:48] ** Translations: *** So be patient with your Lord's decree, for you are truly under Our ˹watchful˺ Eyes. And glorify the praises of your Lord when you rise. **** [https://quran.com/52/48?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** So wait patiently (O [[Muhammad]]) for the Decision of your Lord, for verily, you are under Our Eyes; and glorify the Praises of your Lord when you get up from sleep.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 60: [[w:Al-Mumtahanah|Al-Mumtahanah]] === * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|لَّا يَنْهَىٰكُمُ ٱللَّهُ عَنِ ٱلَّذِينَ لَمْ يُقَـٰتِلُوكُمْ فِى ٱلدِّينِ وَلَمْ يُخْرِجُوكُم مِّن دِيَـٰرِكُمْ أَن تَبَرُّوهُمْ وَتُقْسِطُوٓا۟ إِلَيْهِمْ ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يُحِبُّ ٱلْمُقْسِطِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/60/8 Quran 60:8] ** Translations: *** Allah does not forbid you from dealing kindly and fairly with those who have neither fought nor driven you out of your homes. Surely Allah loves those who are fair. **** [https://quran.com/60/8?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** [[Allah]] does not forbid you to deal justly and kindly with those who fought not against you on account of [[religion]] nor drove you out of your homes. Verily, [[Allah]] loves those who deal with equity.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوٓا۟ إِذَا جَآءَكُمُ ٱلْمُؤْمِنَـٰتُ مُهَـٰجِرَٰتٍۢ فَٱمْتَحِنُوهُنَّ ۖ ٱللَّهُ أَعْلَمُ بِإِيمَـٰنِهِنَّ ۖ فَإِنْ عَلِمْتُمُوهُنَّ مُؤْمِنَـٰتٍۢ فَلَا تَرْجِعُوهُنَّ إِلَى ٱلْكُفَّارِ ۖ لَا هُنَّ حِلٌّۭ لَّهُمْ وَلَا هُمْ يَحِلُّونَ لَهُنَّ ۖ وَءَاتُوهُم مَّآ أَنفَقُوا۟ ۚ وَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْكُمْ أَن تَنكِحُوهُنَّ إِذَآ ءَاتَيْتُمُوهُنَّ أُجُورَهُنَّ ۚ وَلَا تُمْسِكُوا۟ بِعِصَمِ ٱلْكَوَافِرِ وَسْـَٔلُوا۟ مَآ أَنفَقْتُمْ وَلْيَسْـَٔلُوا۟ مَآ أَنفَقُوا۟ ۚ ذَٰلِكُمْ حُكْمُ ٱللَّهِ ۖ يَحْكُمُ بَيْنَكُمْ ۚ وَٱللَّهُ عَلِيمٌ حَكِيمٌۭ}} ** [https://quran.com/60/10 Quran 60:10] ** Translations: *** O believers! When the believing women come to you as emigrants, test their intentions—their faith is best known to Allah—and if you find them to be believers, then do not send them back to the disbelievers. These ˹women˺ are not lawful ˹wives˺ for the disbelievers, nor are the disbelievers lawful ˹husbands˺ for them. ˹But˺ repay the disbelievers whatever ˹dowries˺ they had paid. And there is no blame on you if you marry these ˹women˺ as long as you pay them their dowries. And do not hold on to marriage with polytheistic women. ˹But˺ demand ˹repayment of˺ whatever ˹dowries˺ you had paid, and let the disbelievers do the same. That is the judgment of Allah—He judges between you. And Allah is All-Knowing, All-Wise. **** [https://quran.com/60/10?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** O you who believe! When believing women come to you as emigrants, examine them; Allâh knows best as to their Faith, then if you ascertain that they are true believers send them not back to the disbelievers. They are not lawful (wives) for the disbelievers nor are the disbelievers lawful (husbands) for them. But give them (the disbelievers) that (amount of money) which they have spent [as their Mahr] to them. And there will be no sin on you to marry them if you have paid their Mahr to them. Likewise hold not the disbelieving women as wives, and ask for (the return of) that which you have spent (as Mahr ) and let them (the disbelievers) ask back for that which they have spent. That is the Judgement of Allâh, He judges between you. And Allâh is All-Knowing, All-Wise.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 68: [[w:Al-Qalam|Al-Qalam]] === * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|مَا لَكُمْ كَيْفَ تَحْكُمُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/68/36 Quran 68:36] ** Translations: *** What is the matter with you? How do you judge? **** [https://quran.com/68/36?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** What is the matter with you? How judge you?{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|أَمْ لَكُمْ أَيْمَـٰنٌ عَلَيْنَا بَـٰلِغَةٌ إِلَىٰ يَوْمِ ٱلْقِيَـٰمَةِ ۙ إِنَّ لَكُمْ لَمَا تَحْكُمُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/68/39 Quran 68:39] ** Translations: *** Or do you have oaths binding on Us until the Day of Judgment that you will have whatever you decide? **** [https://quran.com/68/39?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Or have you oaths from Us, reaching to the Day of Resurrection, that yours will be what you judge?{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|فَٱصْبِرْ لِحُكْمِ رَبِّكَ وَلَا تَكُن كَصَاحِبِ ٱلْحُوتِ إِذْ نَادَىٰ وَهُوَ مَكْظُومٌۭ}} ** [https://quran.com/68/48 Quran 68:48] ** Translations: *** So be patient with your Lord's decree, and do not be like ˹Jonah,˺ the Man of the Whale, who cried out ˹to Allah˺, in total distress. **** [https://quran.com/68/48?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** So wait with patience for the Decision of your Lord, and be not like the Companion of the Fish – when he cried out (to Us) while he was in deep [[sorrow]].{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 76: [[w:Al-Insan|Al-Insan]] === * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|فَٱصْبِرْ لِحُكْمِ رَبِّكَ وَلَا تُطِعْ مِنْهُمْ ءَاثِمًا أَوْ كَفُورًۭا}} ** [https://quran.com/76/24 Quran 76:24] ** Translations: *** So be patient with your Lord's decree, and do not yield to any evildoer or ˹staunch˺ disbeliever from among them. **** [https://quran.com/76/24?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Therefore, be patient (O Muhammad) with constancy to the Command of your Lord (Allâh, by doing your duty to Him and by conveying His Message to mankind), and obey neither a sinner nor a disbeliever among them.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 95: [[w:Al-Alaq|Al-Alaq]] === * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|أَلَيْسَ ٱللَّهُ بِأَحْكَمِ ٱلْحَـٰكِمِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/95/8 Quran 95:8] ** Translations: *** Is Allah not the most just of all judges? **** [https://quran.com/95/8?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Is not [[Allah]] the Best of judges?{{Citation needed}} == See also == * [[Jannah]] * [[Jahannam]] * [[Quran]] == External links == {{Wikipedia|Justice in the Quran}} [[Category:Quran]] [[Category:Justice]] [[Category:Islamic law]] cpmgn4hcuucsxts5s2f33h2qrk14p9r 3779110 3779108 2025-07-15T11:44:19Z SolarisQ 3137151 Unboldened text 3779110 wikitext text/x-wiki The [[Quran]] has '''[[w:Justice in the Quran|verses on justice]]'''. [[Justice]] is a central theme in the Quran, dictating the traditions of law and how they should be put into practice. There are two ways in which justice operates (within the Quran): in a legal sense and in a divine sense. Regarding justice in the legal sense, the Quran tells Muslims not only how to conduct themselves, but is also regarded as being very important regarding relationships for Muslims. == Quotes from the Quran == === Chapter 2: [[w:Al-Baqarah|Al-Baqarah]] === * {{arabic|align=right|وَلَا تَأْكُلُوٓا۟ أَمْوَٰلَكُم بَيْنَكُم بِٱلْبَـٰطِلِ وَتُدْلُوا۟ بِهَآ إِلَى ٱلْحُكَّامِ لِتَأْكُلُوا۟ فَرِيقًۭا مِّنْ أَمْوَٰلِ ٱلنَّاسِ بِٱلْإِثْمِ وَأَنتُمْ تَعْلَمُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/2/188 Quran 2:188] ** Translations: *** Do not consume one another's wealth unjustly, nor deliberately bribe authorities in order to devour a portion of others’ property, knowing that it is a sin. **** [https://quran.com/2/188?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** And eat up not one another's property unjustly (in any illegal way e.g. stealing, robbing, deceiving, etc.), nor give bribery to the rulers (judges before presenting your cases) that you may knowingly eat up a part of the property of others sinfully.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 4: [[w:An-Nisa|An-Nisa]] === * {{arabic|align=right|إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يَأْمُرُكُمْ أَن تُؤَدُّوا۟ ٱلْأَمَـٰنَـٰتِ إِلَىٰٓ أَهْلِهَا وَإِذَا حَكَمْتُم بَيْنَ ٱلنَّاسِ أَن تَحْكُمُوا۟ بِٱلْعَدْلِ ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ نِعِمَّا يَعِظُكُم بِهِۦٓ ۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ كَانَ سَمِيعًۢا بَصِيرًۭا}} ** [https://quran.com/4/58 Quran 4:58] ** Translations: *** Indeed, Allah commands you to return trusts to their rightful owners; and when you judge between people, judge with fairness. What a noble commandment from Allah to you! Surely Allah is All-Hearing, All-Seeing. **** [https://quran.com/4/58?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Verily! Allah commands that you should render back the trusts to those to whom they are due; and that when you judge between men, you judge with justice. Verily, how excellent is the teaching which He (Allah) gives you! Truly, Allah is Ever All-Hearer, All-Seer.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|align=right|فَلَا وَرَبِّكَ لَا يُؤْمِنُونَ حَتَّىٰ يُحَكِّمُوكَ فِيمَا شَجَرَ بَيْنَهُمْ ثُمَّ لَا يَجِدُوا۟ فِىٓ أَنفُسِهِمْ حَرَجًۭا مِّمَّا قَضَيْتَ وَيُسَلِّمُوا۟ تَسْلِيمًۭا}} ** [https://quran.com/4/65 Quran 4:65] ** Translations: *** But no! By your Lord, they will never be ˹true˺ believers until they accept you ˹O Prophet˺ as the judge in their disputes, and find no resistance within themselves against your decision and submit wholeheartedly. **** [https://quran.com/4/65?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** But no, by your Lord, they can have no Faith, until they make you (O Muhammad) judge in all disputes between them, and find in themselves no resistance against your decisions, and accept (them) with full submission.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|align=right|وَمَا كَانَ لِمُؤْمِنٍ أَن يَقْتُلَ مُؤْمِنًا إِلَّا خَطَـًۭٔا ۚ وَمَن قَتَلَ مُؤْمِنًا خَطَـًۭٔا فَتَحْرِيرُ رَقَبَةٍۢ مُّؤْمِنَةٍۢ وَدِيَةٌۭ مُّسَلَّمَةٌ إِلَىٰٓ أَهْلِهِۦٓ إِلَّآ أَن يَصَّدَّقُوا۟ ۚ فَإِن كَانَ مِن قَوْمٍ عَدُوٍّۢ لَّكُمْ وَهُوَ مُؤْمِنٌۭ فَتَحْرِيرُ رَقَبَةٍۢ مُّؤْمِنَةٍۢ ۖ وَإِن كَانَ مِن قَوْمٍۭ بَيْنَكُمْ وَبَيْنَهُم مِّيثَـٰقٌۭ فَدِيَةٌۭ مُّسَلَّمَةٌ إِلَىٰٓ أَهْلِهِۦ وَتَحْرِيرُ رَقَبَةٍۢ مُّؤْمِنَةٍۢ ۖ فَمَن لَّمْ يَجِدْ فَصِيَامُ شَهْرَيْنِ مُتَتَابِعَيْنِ تَوْبَةًۭ مِّنَ ٱللَّهِ ۗ وَكَانَ ٱللَّهُ عَلِيمًا حَكِيمًۭا}} ** [https://quran.com/4/92 Quran 4:92] ** Translations: *** It is not lawful for a believer to kill another except by mistake. And whoever kills a believer unintentionally must free a believing slave and pay blood-money to the victim's family—unless they waive it charitably. But if the victim is a believer from a hostile people, then a believing slave must be freed. And if the victim is from a people bound with you in a treaty, then blood-money must be paid to the family along with freeing a believing slave. Those who are unable, let them fast two consecutive months—as a means of repentance to Allah. And Allah is All-Knowing, All-Wise. **** [https://quran.com/4/92?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** It is not for a believer to kill a believer except (that it be) by mistake; and whosoever kills a believer by mistake, (it is ordained that) he must set free a believing slave and a compensation (blood-money, i.e. Diya) be given to the deceased's family unless they remit it. If the deceased belonged to a people at war with you and he was a believer, the freeing of a believing slave (is prescribed); and if he belonged to a people with whom you have a treaty of mutual alliance, compensation (blood-money - Diya) must be paid to his family, and a believing slave must be freed. And who so finds this (the penance of freeing a slave) beyond his means, he must fast for two consecutive months in order to seek repentance from Allah. And Allah is Ever All-Knowing, All-Wise.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|align=right|يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ كُونُوا۟ قَوَّٰمِينَ بِٱلْقِسْطِ شُهَدَآءَ لِلَّهِ وَلَوْ عَلَىٰٓ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَوِ ٱلْوَٰلِدَيْنِ وَٱلْأَقْرَبِينَ ۚ إِن يَكُنْ غَنِيًّا أَوْ فَقِيرًۭا فَٱللَّهُ أَوْلَىٰ بِهِمَا ۖ فَلَا تَتَّبِعُوا۟ ٱلْهَوَىٰٓ أَن تَعْدِلُوا۟ ۚ وَإِن تَلْوُۥٓا۟ أَوْ تُعْرِضُوا۟ فَإِنَّ ٱللَّهَ كَانَ بِمَا تَعْمَلُونَ خَبِيرًۭا}} ** [https://quran.com/4/135 Quran 4:135] ** Translations: *** O believers! Stand firm for justice as witnesses for Allah even if it is against yourselves, your parents, or close relatives. Be they rich or poor, Allah is best to ensure their interests. So do not let your desires cause you to deviate ˹from justice˺. If you distort the testimony or refuse to give it, then ˹know that˺ Allah is certainly All-Aware of what you do. **** [https://quran.com/4/135?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** O ye who believe! Be ye staunch in justice, witnesses for Allah, even though it be against yourselves or (your) parents or (your) kindred, whether (the case be of) a rich man or a poor man, for Allah is nearer unto both (them ye are). So follow not passion lest ye lapse (from truth) and if ye lapse or fall away, then lo! Allah is ever Informed of what ye do.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 5: [[w:Al-Ma'idah|Al-Ma'idah]] === * {{arabic|align=right|يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوٓا۟ أَوْفُوا۟ بِٱلْعُقُودِ ۚ أُحِلَّتْ لَكُم بَهِيمَةُ ٱلْأَنْعَـٰمِ إِلَّا مَا يُتْلَىٰ عَلَيْكُمْ غَيْرَ مُحِلِّى ٱلصَّيْدِ وَأَنتُمْ حُرُمٌ ۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يَحْكُمُ مَا يُرِيدُ}} ** [https://quran.com/5/1 Quran 5:1] ** Translations: *** O believers! Honour your obligations. All grazing livestock has been made lawful to you—except what is hereby announced to you and hunting while on pilgrimage. Indeed, Allah commands what He wills. **** [https://quran.com/5/1?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** O you who believe! Fulfil (your) obligations. Lawful to you (for food) are all the beasts of cattle except that which will be announced to you (herein), game (also) being unlawful when you assume Ihrâm for Hajj or 'Umrah (pilgrimage). Verily, Allâh commands that which He wills.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|align=right|وَٱلسَّارِقُ وَٱلسَّارِقَةُ [[w:Hudud#Quran|فَٱقْطَعُوٓا۟ أَيْدِيَهُمَا]] جَزَآءًۢ بِمَا كَسَبَا نَكَـٰلًۭا مِّنَ ٱللَّهِ ۗ وَٱللَّهُ عَزِيزٌ حَكِيمٌۭ}} ** [https://quran.com/5/38 Quran 5:38] ** Translations: *** As for male and female thieves, [[w:Hudud#Quran|cut off their hands]] for what they have done—a deterrent from Allah. And Allah is Almighty, All-Wise. **** [https://quran.com/5/38?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** And (as for) the male thief and the female thief, [[w:Hudud#Quran|cut off (from the wrist joint) their (right) hands]] as a recompense for that which they committed, a punishment by way of example from Allâh. And Allâh is All-Powerful, All-Wise.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|align=right|سَمَّـٰعُونَ لِلْكَذِبِ أَكَّـٰلُونَ لِلسُّحْتِ ۚ فَإِن جَآءُوكَ فَٱحْكُم بَيْنَهُمْ أَوْ أَعْرِضْ عَنْهُمْ ۖ وَإِن تُعْرِضْ عَنْهُمْ فَلَن يَضُرُّوكَ شَيْـًۭٔا ۖ وَإِنْ حَكَمْتَ فَٱحْكُم بَيْنَهُم بِٱلْقِسْطِ ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يُحِبُّ ٱلْمُقْسِطِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/5/42 Quran 5:42] ** Translations: *** They eagerly listen to falsehood and consume forbidden gain. So if they come to you ˹O Prophet˺, either judge between them or turn away from them. If you turn away from them, they cannot harm you whatsoever. But if you judge between them, then do so with justice. Surely Allah loves those who are just. **** [https://quran.com/5/42?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** (They like to) listen to falsehood, to devour anything forbidden. So if they come to you (O Muhammad), either judge between them, or turn away from them. If you turn away from them, they cannot hurt you in the least. And if you judge, judge with justice between them. Verily, Allâh loves those who act justly.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|align=right|وَكَيْفَ يُحَكِّمُونَكَ وَعِندَهُمُ ٱلتَّوْرَىٰةُ فِيهَا حُكْمُ ٱللَّهِ ثُمَّ يَتَوَلَّوْنَ مِنۢ بَعْدِ ذَٰلِكَ ۚ وَمَآ أُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ بِٱلْمُؤْمِنِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/5/43 Quran 5:43] ** Translations: *** But why do they come to you for judgment when they ˹already˺ have the Torah containing Allah's judgment, then they turn away after all? They are not ˹true˺ believers. **** [https://quran.com/5/43?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** But how do they come to you for decision while they have the Taurât (Torah), in which is the (plain) Decision of Allâh; yet even after that, they turn away. For they are not (really) believers.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|align=right|إِنَّآ أَنزَلْنَا ٱلتَّوْرَىٰةَ فِيهَا هُدًۭى وَنُورٌۭ ۚ يَحْكُمُ بِهَا ٱلنَّبِيُّونَ ٱلَّذِينَ أَسْلَمُوا۟ لِلَّذِينَ هَادُوا۟ وَٱلرَّبَّـٰنِيُّونَ وَٱلْأَحْبَارُ بِمَا ٱسْتُحْفِظُوا۟ مِن كِتَـٰبِ ٱللَّهِ وَكَانُوا۟ عَلَيْهِ شُهَدَآءَ ۚ فَلَا تَخْشَوُا۟ ٱلنَّاسَ وَٱخْشَوْنِ وَلَا تَشْتَرُوا۟ بِـَٔايَـٰتِى ثَمَنًۭا قَلِيلًۭا ۚ وَمَن لَّمْ يَحْكُم بِمَآ أَنزَلَ ٱللَّهُ فَأُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ هُمُ ٱلْكَـٰفِرُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/5/44 Quran 5:44] ** Translations: *** Indeed, We revealed the Torah, containing guidance and light, by which the prophets, who submitted themselves to Allah, made judgments for Jews. So too did the rabbis and scholars judge according to Allah's Book, with which they were entrusted and of which they were made keepers. So do not fear the people; fear Me! Nor trade my revelations for a fleeting gain. And those who do not judge by what Allah has revealed are ˹truly˺ the disbelievers. **** [https://quran.com/5/44?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Verily, We did send down the Taurât (Torah) [to Mûsâ (Moses)], therein was guidance and light, by which the Prophets, who submitted themselves to Allâh's Will, judged for the Jews. And the rabbis and the priests [too judged for the Jews by the Taurât (Torah) after those Prophets], for to them was entrusted the protection of Allâh's Book, and they were witnesses thereto. Therefore fear not men but fear Me (O Jews) and sell not My Verses for a miserable price. And whosoever does not judge by what Allah has revealed, such are the Kâfirûn (i.e. disbelievers – of a lesser degree as they do not act on Allâh's Laws).{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|align=right|وَكَتَبْنَا عَلَيْهِمْ فِيهَآ أَنَّ ٱلنَّفْسَ بِٱلنَّفْسِ وَٱلْعَيْنَ بِٱلْعَيْنِ وَٱلْأَنفَ بِٱلْأَنفِ وَٱلْأُذُنَ بِٱلْأُذُنِ وَٱلسِّنَّ بِٱلسِّنِّ وَٱلْجُرُوحَ قِصَاصٌۭ ۚ فَمَن تَصَدَّقَ بِهِۦ فَهُوَ كَفَّارَةٌۭ لَّهُۥ ۚ وَمَن لَّمْ يَحْكُم بِمَآ أَنزَلَ ٱللَّهُ فَأُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ هُمُ ٱلظَّـٰلِمُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/5/45 Quran 5:45] ** Translations: *** We ordained for them in the Torah, "A life for a life, an eye for an eye, a nose for a nose, an ear for an ear, a tooth for a tooth—and for wounds equal retaliation." But whoever waives it charitably, it will be atonement for them. And those who do not judge by what Allah has revealed are ˹truly˺ the wrongdoers. **** [https://quran.com/5/45?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** And We ordained therein for them (The Jews): "Life for life, eye for eye, nose for nose, ear for ear, tooth for tooth, and wounds equal for equal." But if anyone remits the retaliation by way of charity, it shall be for him an expiation. And whosoever does not judge by that which Allah has revealed, such are the Zâlimûn (polytheists and wrong-doers – of a lesser degree).{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|align=right|وَلْيَحْكُمْ أَهْلُ ٱلْإِنجِيلِ بِمَآ أَنزَلَ ٱللَّهُ فِيهِ ۚ وَمَن لَّمْ يَحْكُم بِمَآ أَنزَلَ ٱللَّهُ فَأُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ هُمُ ٱلْفَـٰسِقُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/5/47 Quran 5:47] ** Translations: *** So let the people of the Gospel judge by what Allah has revealed in it. And those who do not judge by what Allah has revealed are ˹truly˺ the rebellious. **** [https://quran.com/5/47?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Let the people of the Injeel (Gospel) judge by what Allah has revealed therein. And whosoever does not judge by what Allah has revealed (then) such (people) are the Fâsiqûn [the rebellious i.e. disobedient (of a lesser degree)] to Allah.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|align=right|وَأَنِ ٱحْكُم بَيْنَهُم بِمَآ أَنزَلَ ٱللَّهُ وَلَا تَتَّبِعْ أَهْوَآءَهُمْ وَٱحْذَرْهُمْ أَن يَفْتِنُوكَ عَنۢ بَعْضِ مَآ أَنزَلَ ٱللَّهُ إِلَيْكَ ۖ فَإِن تَوَلَّوْا۟ فَٱعْلَمْ أَنَّمَا يُرِيدُ ٱللَّهُ أَن يُصِيبَهُم بِبَعْضِ ذُنُوبِهِمْ ۗ وَإِنَّ كَثِيرًۭا مِّنَ ٱلنَّاسِ لَفَـٰسِقُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/5/49 Quran 5:49] ** Translations: *** And judge between them ˹O Prophet˺ by what Allah has revealed, and do not follow their desires. And beware, so they do not lure you away from some of what Allah has revealed to you. If they turn away ˹from Allah's judgment˺, then know that it is Allah's Will to repay them for some of their sins, and that many people are indeed rebellious. **** [https://quran.com/5/49?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** And so judge (you O Muhammad) among them by what Allah has revealed and follow not their vain desires, but beware of them lest they turn you (O Muhammad) far away from some of that which Allâh has sent down to you. And if they turn away, then know that Allâh's Will is to punish them for some sins of theirs. And truly, most of men are Fâsiqûn (rebellious and disobedient to Allah).{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|align=right|أَفَحُكْمَ ٱلْجَـٰهِلِيَّةِ يَبْغُونَ ۚ وَمَنْ أَحْسَنُ مِنَ ٱللَّهِ حُكْمًۭا لِّقَوْمٍۢ يُوقِنُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/5/50 Quran 5:50] ** Translations: *** Is it the judgment of ˹pre-Islamic˺ ignorance they seek? Who could be a better judge than Allah for people of sure faith? **** [https://quran.com/5/50?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Do they then seek the judgement of (the days of) Ignorance? (pre-Islam) And who is better in judgement than Allah for a people who have firm Faith.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|align=right|لَا يُؤَاخِذُكُمُ ٱللَّهُ بِٱللَّغْوِ فِىٓ أَيْمَـٰنِكُمْ وَلَـٰكِن يُؤَاخِذُكُم بِمَا عَقَّدتُّمُ ٱلْأَيْمَـٰنَ ۖ فَكَفَّـٰرَتُهُۥٓ إِطْعَامُ عَشَرَةِ مَسَـٰكِينَ مِنْ أَوْسَطِ مَا تُطْعِمُونَ أَهْلِيكُمْ أَوْ كِسْوَتُهُمْ أَوْ تَحْرِيرُ رَقَبَةٍۢ ۖ فَمَن لَّمْ يَجِدْ فَصِيَامُ ثَلَـٰثَةِ أَيَّامٍۢ ۚ ذَٰلِكَ كَفَّـٰرَةُ أَيْمَـٰنِكُمْ إِذَا حَلَفْتُمْ ۚ وَٱحْفَظُوٓا۟ أَيْمَـٰنَكُمْ ۚ كَذَٰلِكَ يُبَيِّنُ ٱللَّهُ لَكُمْ ءَايَـٰتِهِۦ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَشْكُرُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/5/89 Quran 5:89] ** Translations: *** Allah will not call you to account for your thoughtless oaths, but He will hold you accountable for deliberate oaths. The penalty for a broken oath is to feed ten poor people from what you normally feed your own family, or to clothe them, or to free a bondsperson. But if none of this is affordable, then you must fast three days. This is the penalty for breaking your oaths. So be mindful of your oaths. This is how Allah makes things clear to you, so perhaps you will be grateful. **** [https://quran.com/5/89?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Allah will not punish you for the oaths you make accidentally, but He will punish you for the oaths you make intentionally; for the expiation of oaths made or violated accidentally feed ten Masakin (poor persons), on a scale of the average of that with which you feed your own families; or clothe them; or manumit a slave. But whosoever cannot afford (that), then he should fast for three days. That is the expiation for the oaths that you have sworn or broken accidentally. So protect your intentional oaths as Allah has made it clear to you in His Ayat so that you may be grateful.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|align=right|يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ لَا تَقْتُلُوا۟ ٱلصَّيْدَ وَأَنتُمْ حُرُمٌۭ ۚ وَمَن قَتَلَهُۥ مِنكُم مُّتَعَمِّدًۭا فَجَزَآءٌۭ مِّثْلُ مَا قَتَلَ مِنَ ٱلنَّعَمِ يَحْكُمُ بِهِۦ ذَوَا عَدْلٍۢ مِّنكُمْ هَدْيًۢا بَـٰلِغَ ٱلْكَعْبَةِ أَوْ كَفَّـٰرَةٌۭ طَعَامُ مَسَـٰكِينَ أَوْ عَدْلُ ذَٰلِكَ صِيَامًۭا لِّيَذُوقَ وَبَالَ أَمْرِهِۦ ۗ عَفَا ٱللَّهُ عَمَّا سَلَفَ ۚ وَمَنْ عَادَ فَيَنتَقِمُ ٱللَّهُ مِنْهُ ۗ وَٱللَّهُ عَزِيزٌۭ ذُو ٱنتِقَامٍ}} ** [https://quran.com/5/95 Quran 5:95] ** Translations: *** O believers! Do not kill game while on pilgrimage. Whoever kills game intentionally must compensate by offering its equivalence—as judged by two just men among you—to be offered at the Sacred House, or by feeding the needy, or by fasting so that they may taste the consequences of their violations. Allah has forgiven what has been done. But those who persist will be punished by Allah. And Allah is Almighty, capable of punishment. **** [https://quran.com/5/95?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** O you who believe! Kill not the game while you are in a state of Ihrâm [for Hajj or ‘Umrah (pilgrimage)], and whosoever of you kills it intentionally, the penalty is an offering, brought to the Ka'bah, of an eatable animal (i.e. sheep, goat, cow) equivalent to the one he killed, as adjudged by two just men among you; or, for expiation, he should feed Masâkîn (poor persons), or its equivalent in Saum (fasting), that he may taste the heaviness (punishment) of his deed. Allâh has forgiven what is past, but whosoever commits it again, Allâh will take retribution from him. And Allâh is All-Mighty, All-Able of Retribution.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 6: [[w:Al-An'am|Al-An'am]] === * {{arabic|align=right|قُلْ إِنِّى عَلَىٰ بَيِّنَةٍۢ مِّن رَّبِّى وَكَذَّبْتُم بِهِۦ ۚ مَا عِندِى مَا تَسْتَعْجِلُونَ بِهِۦٓ ۚ إِنِ ٱلْحُكْمُ إِلَّا لِلَّهِ ۖ يَقُصُّ ٱلْحَقَّ ۖ وَهُوَ خَيْرُ ٱلْفَـٰصِلِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/6/57 Quran 6:57] *** Say, ˹O Prophet,˺ "Indeed, I stand on a clear proof from my Lord—yet you have denied it. That ˹torment˺ you seek to hasten is not within my power. It is only Allah Who decides ˹its time˺. He declares the truth. And He is the Best of Judges." **** [https://quran.com/6/57?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Say (O [[Muhammad]]): "I am on clear proof from my Lord (Islâmic Monotheism), but you deny it (the truth that has come to me from Allâh). I have not gotten what you are asking for impatiently (the torment). The decision is only for Allah, He declares the truth, and He is the Best of judges."{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|align=right|ثُمَّ رُدُّوٓا۟ إِلَى ٱللَّهِ مَوْلَىٰهُمُ ٱلْحَقِّ ۚ أَلَا لَهُ ٱلْحُكْمُ وَهُوَ أَسْرَعُ ٱلْحَـٰسِبِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/6/62 Quran 6:62] *** Then they are ˹all˺ returned to Allah—their True Master. Judgment is His ˹alone˺. And He is the Swiftest Reckoner. **** [https://quran.com/6/62?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Then they are returned to Allah, their True Maulâ [True Master (God), the Just Lord (to reward them)]. Surely, for Him is the judgement and He is the Swiftest in taking account.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|align=right|أَفَغَيْرَ ٱللَّهِ أَبْتَغِى حَكَمًۭا وَهُوَ ٱلَّذِىٓ أَنزَلَ إِلَيْكُمُ ٱلْكِتَـٰبَ مُفَصَّلًۭا ۚ وَٱلَّذِينَ ءَاتَيْنَـٰهُمُ ٱلْكِتَـٰبَ يَعْلَمُونَ أَنَّهُۥ مُنَزَّلٌۭ مِّن رَّبِّكَ بِٱلْحَقِّ ۖ فَلَا تَكُونَنَّ مِنَ ٱلْمُمْتَرِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/6/114 Quran 6:114] ** Translations: *** ˹Say, O Prophet,˺ “Should I seek a judge other than Allah while He is the One Who has revealed for you the Book ˹with the truth˺ perfectly explained?” Those who were given the Scripture know that it has been revealed ˹to you˺ from your Lord in truth. So do not be one of those who doubt. **** [https://quran.com/6/114?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** [Say (O Muhammad)] "Shall I seek a judge other than Allah while it is He Who has sent down unto you the [[Quran|Book]] (the [[Quran|Qurân]]), explained in detail." Those unto whom We gave the Scripture [the [[w:Torah|Taurât]] (Torah) and the [[w:Gospel|Injeel]] (Gospel)] know that it is revealed from your Lord in truth. So be not you of those who doubt.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 7: [[w:Al-A'raf|Al-A'raf]] === * {{arabic|align=right|وَإِن كَانَ طَآئِفَةٌۭ مِّنكُمْ ءَامَنُوا۟ بِٱلَّذِىٓ أُرْسِلْتُ بِهِۦ وَطَآئِفَةٌۭ لَّمْ يُؤْمِنُوا۟ فَٱصْبِرُوا۟ حَتَّىٰ يَحْكُمَ ٱللَّهُ بَيْنَنَا ۚ وَهُوَ خَيْرُ ٱلْحَـٰكِمِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/7/87 Quran 7:87] ** Translations: *** If some of you do believe in what I have been sent with while others do not, then be patient until Allah judges between us. He is the Best of Judges. **** [https://quran.com/7/87?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** And if there is a party of you who believe in that with which I have been sent and a party who do not believe, so be patient until [[Allah]] judges between us, and He is the Best of judges.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 9: [[w:At-Tawbah|At-Tawbah]] === * {{arabic|align=right|وَءَاخَرُونَ مُرْجَوْنَ لِأَمْرِ ٱللَّهِ إِمَّا يُعَذِّبُهُمْ وَإِمَّا يَتُوبُ عَلَيْهِمْ ۗ وَٱللَّهُ عَلِيمٌ حَكِيمٌۭ}} ** [https://quran.com/9/106 Quran 9:106] ** Translations: *** And some others are left for Allah's decision, either to punish them or turn to them in mercy. And Allah is All-Knowing, All-Wise. **** [https://quran.com/9/106?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** And others are made to await for Allâh's Decree, whether He will punish them or will forgive them. And Allâh is All-Knowing, All-Wise.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 10: [[w:Yunus (surah)|Yunus]] === * {{arabic|align=right|قُلْ هَلْ مِن شُرَكَآئِكُم مَّن يَهْدِىٓ إِلَى ٱلْحَقِّ ۚ قُلِ ٱللَّهُ يَهْدِى لِلْحَقِّ ۗ أَفَمَن يَهْدِىٓ إِلَى ٱلْحَقِّ أَحَقُّ أَن يُتَّبَعَ أَمَّن لَّا يَهِدِّىٓ إِلَّآ أَن يُهْدَىٰ ۖ فَمَا لَكُمْ كَيْفَ تَحْكُمُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/10/35 Quran 10:35] ** Translations: *** Ask ˹them, O Prophet˺, "Can any of your associate-gods guide to the truth?" Say, "˹Only˺ Allah guides to the truth." Who then is more worthy to be followed: the One Who guides to the truth or those who cannot find the way unless guided? What is the matter with you? How do you judge? **** [https://quran.com/10/35?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Say: "Is there of your (Allah's so-called) partners one that guides to the truth?" Say: "It is [[Allah]] Who guides to the truth. Is then He Who guides to the truth more worthy to be followed, or he who finds not guidance (himself) unless he is guided? Then, what is the matter with you? How judge you?"{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|align=right|وَٱتَّبِعْ مَا يُوحَىٰٓ إِلَيْكَ وَٱصْبِرْ حَتَّىٰ يَحْكُمَ ٱللَّهُ ۚ وَهُوَ خَيْرُ ٱلْحَـٰكِمِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/10/109 Quran 10:109] ** Translations: *** And follow what is revealed to you, and be patient until Allah passes His judgment. For He is the Best of Judges. **** [https://quran.com/10/109?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** And (O [[Muhammad]]), follow the revelation sent unto you, and be patient till [[Allah]] gives judgement. And He is the Best of judges.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 13: [[w:Ar-Ra'd|Ar-Ra'd]] === * {{arabic|align=right|وَكَذَٰلِكَ أَنزَلْنَـٰهُ حُكْمًا عَرَبِيًّۭا ۚ وَلَئِنِ ٱتَّبَعْتَ أَهْوَآءَهُم بَعْدَ مَا جَآءَكَ مِنَ ٱلْعِلْمِ مَا لَكَ مِنَ ٱللَّهِ مِن وَلِىٍّۢ وَلَا وَاقٍۢ}} ** [https://quran.com/13/37 Quran 13:37] ** Translations: *** And so We have revealed it as an authority in Arabic. And if you were to follow their desires after ˹all˺ the knowledge that has come to you, there would be none to protect or shield you from Allah. **** [https://quran.com/13/37?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** And thus have We sent it (the [[Quran]]) down to be a judgement of authority in Arabic. Were you (O Muhammad) to follow their (vain) desires after the knowledge which has come to you, then you will not have any Walî (protector) or Wâq (defender) against [[Allah]].{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|align=right|أَوَلَمْ يَرَوْا۟ أَنَّا نَأْتِى ٱلْأَرْضَ نَنقُصُهَا مِنْ أَطْرَافِهَا ۚ وَٱللَّهُ يَحْكُمُ لَا مُعَقِّبَ لِحُكْمِهِۦ ۚ وَهُوَ سَرِيعُ ٱلْحِسَابِ}} ** [https://quran.com/13/41 Quran 13:41] ** Translations: *** Do they not see that We gradually reduce their land from its borders? Allah decides—none can reverse His decision. And He is swift in reckoning. **** [https://quran.com/13/41?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** See they not that We gradually reduce the land (of the disbelievers, by giving it to the believers, in war victories) from its outlying borders. And Allâh judges, there is none to put back His Judgement and He is Swift at reckoning.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 16: [[w:An-Nahl|An-Nahl]] === * {{arabic|align=right|يَتَوَٰرَىٰ مِنَ ٱلْقَوْمِ مِن سُوٓءِ مَا بُشِّرَ بِهِۦٓ ۚ أَيُمْسِكُهُۥ عَلَىٰ هُونٍ أَمْ يَدُسُّهُۥ فِى ٱلتُّرَابِ ۗ أَلَا سَآءَ مَا يَحْكُمُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/16/59 Quran 16:59] ** Translations: *** He hides himself from the people because of the bad news he has received. Should he keep her in disgrace, or bury her ˹alive˺ in the ground? Evil indeed is their judgment! **** [https://quran.com/16/59?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** He hides himself from the people because of the evil of that whereof he has been informed. Shall he keep her with dishonor or bury her in the earth (female infanticide)? Certainly, evil is their decision.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|align=right|إِنَّمَا جُعِلَ ٱلسَّبْتُ عَلَى ٱلَّذِينَ ٱخْتَلَفُوا۟ فِيهِ ۚ وَإِنَّ رَبَّكَ لَيَحْكُمُ بَيْنَهُمْ يَوْمَ ٱلْقِيَـٰمَةِ فِيمَا كَانُوا۟ فِيهِ يَخْتَلِفُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/16/124 Quran 16:124] ** Translations: *** ˹Honouring˺ the Sabbath was ordained only for those who disputed about Abraham. And surely your Lord will judge between them on the Day of Judgment regarding their disputes. **** [https://quran.com/16/124?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** The Sabbath was only prescribed for those who differed concerning it, and verily, your Lord will judge between them on the Day of Resurrection about that wherein they used to differ.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 21: [[w:Al-Anbiya|Al-Anbiya]] === * {{arabic|align=right|قَـٰلَ رَبِّ ٱحْكُم بِٱلْحَقِّ ۗ وَرَبُّنَا ٱلرَّحْمَـٰنُ ٱلْمُسْتَعَانُ عَلَىٰ مَا تَصِفُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/21/112 Quran 21:112] ** Translations: *** ˹In the end,˺ the Prophet said, “My Lord! Judge ˹between us˺ in truth. And our Lord is the Most Compassionate, Whose help is sought against what you claim. **** [https://quran.com/21/112?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** He (Muhammad) said: "My Lord! Judge You in truth! Our Lord is the Most Gracious, Whose Help is to be sought against that which you attribute (unto Allâh that He has offspring, and unto Muhammad that he is a sorcerer, and unto the [[Quran]] that it is poetry)!"{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 22: [[w:Al-Hajj|Al-Hajj]] === * {{arabic|align=right|وَمَآ أَرْسَلْنَا مِن قَبْلِكَ مِن رَّسُولٍۢ وَلَا نَبِىٍّ إِلَّآ إِذَا تَمَنَّىٰٓ أَلْقَى ٱلشَّيْطَـٰنُ فِىٓ أُمْنِيَّتِهِۦ فَيَنسَخُ ٱللَّهُ مَا يُلْقِى ٱلشَّيْطَـٰنُ ثُمَّ يُحْكِمُ ٱللَّهُ ءَايَـٰتِهِۦ ۗ وَٱللَّهُ عَلِيمٌ حَكِيمٌۭ}} ** [https://quran.com/22/52 Quran 22:52] ** Translations: *** Whenever We sent a messenger or a prophet before you ˹O Prophet˺ and he recited ˹Our revelations˺, Satan would influence ˹people’s understanding of˺ his recitation. But ˹eventually˺ Allah would eliminate Satan’s influence. Then Allah would ˹firmly˺ establish His revelations. And Allah is All-Knowing, All-Wise. **** [https://quran.com/22/52?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Never did We send a Messenger or a Prophet before you but when he did recite the revelation or narrated or spoke, Shaitân (Satan) threw (some falsehood) in it. But [[Allah]] abolishes that which Shaitân (Satan) throws in. Then [[Allah]] establishes His Revelations. And [[Allah]] is All-Knower, All-Wise.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|align=right|ٱلْمُلْكُ يَوْمَئِذٍۢ لِّلَّهِ يَحْكُمُ بَيْنَهُمْ ۚ فَٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ وَعَمِلُوا۟ ٱلصَّـٰلِحَـٰتِ فِى جَنَّـٰتِ ٱلنَّعِيمِ}} ** [https://quran.com/22/56 Quran 22:56] ** Translations: *** All authority on that Day is for Allah ˹alone˺. He will judge between them. So those who believe and do good will be in the Gardens of Bliss. **** [https://quran.com/22/56?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** The sovereignty on that Day will be that of Allâh (the One Who has no partners). He will judge between them. So those who believed (in the Oneness of Allâh - Islâmic Monotheism) and did righteous good deeds will be in Gardens of delight (Paradise).{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|align=right|لَيُدْخِلَنَّهُم مُّدْخَلًۭا يَرْضَوْنَهُۥ ۗ وَإِنَّ ٱللَّهَ لَعَلِيمٌ حَلِيمٌۭ}} ** [https://quran.com/22/59 Quran 22:59] ** Translations: *** He will certainly admit them into a place they will be pleased with. For Allah is truly All-Knowing, Most Forbearing. **** [https://quran.com/22/59?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** [[Allah]] will judge between you on the Day of Resurrection about that wherein you used to differ.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 24: [[w:An-Nur|An-Nur]] === * {{arabic|align=right|إِنَّمَا كَانَ قَوْلَ ٱلْمُؤْمِنِينَ إِذَا دُعُوٓا۟ إِلَى ٱللَّهِ وَرَسُولِهِۦ لِيَحْكُمَ بَيْنَهُمْ أَن يَقُولُوا۟ سَمِعْنَا وَأَطَعْنَا ۚ وَأُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ هُمُ ٱلْمُفْلِحُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/24/51 Quran 24:51] ** Translations: *** The only response of the ˹true˺ believers, when they are called to Allah and His Messenger so he may judge between them, is to say, "We hear and obey." It is they who will ˹truly˺ succeed. **** [https://quran.com/24/51?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** The only saying of the faithful believers, when they are called to [[Allah]] (His Words, the [[Quran]]) and His Messenger, to judge between them, is that they say: "We hear and we obey." And such are the successful (who will live forever in [[Jannah|Paradise]]).{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 27: [[w:Ash-Shu'ara|Ash-Shu'ara]] === * {{arabic|align=right|إِنَّ رَبَّكَ يَقْضِى بَيْنَهُم بِحُكْمِهِۦ ۚ وَهُوَ ٱلْعَزِيزُ ٱلْعَلِيمُ}} ** [https://quran.com/27/78 Quran 27:78] ** Translations: *** Your Lord will certainly judge between them by His justice, for He is the Almighty, All-Knowing. **** [https://quran.com/27/78?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Verily, your Lord will decide between them (various sects) by His Judgement. And He is the All-Mighty, the All-Knowing.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 28: [[w:Al-Qasas|Al-Qasas]] === * {{arabic|align=right|وَهُوَ ٱللَّهُ لَآ إِلَـٰهَ إِلَّا هُوَ ۖ لَهُ ٱلْحَمْدُ فِى ٱلْأُولَىٰ وَٱلْـَٔاخِرَةِ ۖ وَلَهُ ٱلْحُكْمُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/28/70 Quran 28:70] ** Translations: *** He is Allah. There is no god ˹worthy of worship˺ except Him. All praise belongs to Him in this life and the next. All authority is His. And to Him you will ˹all˺ be returned. **** [https://quran.com/28/70?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** And He is [[Allah]]: Lâ ilâha illa Huwa (none has the right to be worshipped but He), all praises and thanks be to Him (both) in the first (i.e. in this world) and in the last (i.e. in the Hereafter). And for Him is the Decision, and to Him shall you (all) be returned. * {{arabic|align=right|وَلَا تَدْعُ مَعَ ٱللَّهِ إِلَـٰهًا ءَاخَرَ ۘ لَآ إِلَـٰهَ إِلَّا هُوَ ۚ كُلُّ شَىْءٍ هَالِكٌ إِلَّا وَجْهَهُۥ ۚ لَهُ ٱلْحُكْمُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/28/88 Quran 28:88] ** Translations: *** And do not invoke any other god with Allah. There is no god ˹worthy of worship˺ except Him. Everything is bound to perish except He Himself. All authority belongs to Him. And to Him you will ˹all˺ be returned. **** [https://quran.com/28/88?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** And invoke not any other ilâh (god) along with Allâh: Lâ ilâha illa Huwa (none has the right to be worshipped but He). Everything will perish save His Face. His is the Decision, and to Him you (all) shall be returned.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 38: [[w:Ṣād (surah)|Ṣād]] === * {{arabic|align=right|إِذْ دَخَلُوا۟ عَلَىٰ دَاوُۥدَ فَفَزِعَ مِنْهُمْ ۖ قَالُوا۟ لَا تَخَفْ ۖ خَصْمَانِ بَغَىٰ بَعْضُنَا عَلَىٰ بَعْضٍۢ فَٱحْكُم بَيْنَنَا بِٱلْحَقِّ وَلَا تُشْطِطْ وَٱهْدِنَآ إِلَىٰ سَوَآءِ ٱلصِّرَٰطِ}} ** [https://quran.com/38/22 Quran 38:22] ** Translations: *** When they came into David's presence, he was startled by them. They said, "Have no fear. ˹We are merely˺ two in a dispute: one of us has wronged the other. So judge between us with truth—do not go beyond ˹it˺—and guide us to the right way." **** [https://quran.com/38/22?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** When they entered in upon Dâwûd ([[David]]), he was terrified of them. They said: "Fear not! (We are) two litigants, one of whom has wronged the other, therefore judge between us with truth, and treat us not with injustice, and guide us to the Right Way."{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|align=right|يَـٰدَاوُۥدُ إِنَّا جَعَلْنَـٰكَ خَلِيفَةًۭ فِى ٱلْأَرْضِ فَٱحْكُم بَيْنَ ٱلنَّاسِ بِٱلْحَقِّ وَلَا تَتَّبِعِ ٱلْهَوَىٰ فَيُضِلَّكَ عَن سَبِيلِ ٱللَّهِ ۚ إِنَّ ٱلَّذِينَ يَضِلُّونَ عَن سَبِيلِ ٱللَّهِ لَهُمْ عَذَابٌۭ شَدِيدٌۢ بِمَا نَسُوا۟ يَوْمَ ٱلْحِسَابِ}} ** [https://quran.com/38/26 Quran 38:26] ** Translations: *** ˹We instructed him:˺ “O David! We have surely made you an authority in the land, so judge between people with truth. And do not follow ˹your˺ desires or they will lead you astray from Allah’s Way. Surely those who go astray from Allah’s Way will suffer a severe punishment for neglecting the Day of Reckoning.” **** [https://quran.com/38/26?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** O Dâwûd ([[David]])! Verily! We have placed you as a successor on the earth; so judge you between men in truth (and justice) and follow not your desire – for it will mislead you from the Path of [[Allah]]. Verily, those who wander astray from the Path of Allâh (shall) have a severe torment, because they forgot the Day of Reckoning.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 39: [[w:Az-Zumar|Az-Zumar]] === * {{arabic|align=right|قُلِ ٱللَّهُمَّ فَاطِرَ ٱلسَّمَـٰوَٰتِ وَٱلْأَرْضِ عَـٰلِمَ ٱلْغَيْبِ وَٱلشَّهَـٰدَةِ أَنتَ تَحْكُمُ بَيْنَ عِبَادِكَ فِى مَا كَانُوا۟ فِيهِ يَخْتَلِفُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/39/46 Quran 39:46] ** Translations: *** Say, ˹O Prophet,˺ "O Allah—Originator of the heavens and the earth, Knower of the seen and unseen! You will judge between Your servants regarding their differences." **** [https://quran.com/39/46?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Say (O Muhammad): "O [[Allah]]! Creator of the heavens and the earth! All-Knower of the Ghaib (Unseen) and the seen! You will judge between your slaves about that wherein they used to differ."{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 52: [[w:At-Tur|At-Tur]] === * {{arabic|align=right|وَٱصْبِرْ لِحُكْمِ رَبِّكَ فَإِنَّكَ بِأَعْيُنِنَا ۖ وَسَبِّحْ بِحَمْدِ رَبِّكَ حِينَ تَقُومُ}} ** [https://quran.com/52/48 Quran 52:48] ** Translations: *** So be patient with your Lord's decree, for you are truly under Our ˹watchful˺ Eyes. And glorify the praises of your Lord when you rise. **** [https://quran.com/52/48?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** So wait patiently (O [[Muhammad]]) for the Decision of your Lord, for verily, you are under Our Eyes; and glorify the Praises of your Lord when you get up from sleep.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 60: [[w:Al-Mumtahanah|Al-Mumtahanah]] === * {{arabic|align=right|لَّا يَنْهَىٰكُمُ ٱللَّهُ عَنِ ٱلَّذِينَ لَمْ يُقَـٰتِلُوكُمْ فِى ٱلدِّينِ وَلَمْ يُخْرِجُوكُم مِّن دِيَـٰرِكُمْ أَن تَبَرُّوهُمْ وَتُقْسِطُوٓا۟ إِلَيْهِمْ ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يُحِبُّ ٱلْمُقْسِطِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/60/8 Quran 60:8] ** Translations: *** Allah does not forbid you from dealing kindly and fairly with those who have neither fought nor driven you out of your homes. Surely Allah loves those who are fair. **** [https://quran.com/60/8?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** [[Allah]] does not forbid you to deal justly and kindly with those who fought not against you on account of [[religion]] nor drove you out of your homes. Verily, [[Allah]] loves those who deal with equity.{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|align=right|يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوٓا۟ إِذَا جَآءَكُمُ ٱلْمُؤْمِنَـٰتُ مُهَـٰجِرَٰتٍۢ فَٱمْتَحِنُوهُنَّ ۖ ٱللَّهُ أَعْلَمُ بِإِيمَـٰنِهِنَّ ۖ فَإِنْ عَلِمْتُمُوهُنَّ مُؤْمِنَـٰتٍۢ فَلَا تَرْجِعُوهُنَّ إِلَى ٱلْكُفَّارِ ۖ لَا هُنَّ حِلٌّۭ لَّهُمْ وَلَا هُمْ يَحِلُّونَ لَهُنَّ ۖ وَءَاتُوهُم مَّآ أَنفَقُوا۟ ۚ وَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْكُمْ أَن تَنكِحُوهُنَّ إِذَآ ءَاتَيْتُمُوهُنَّ أُجُورَهُنَّ ۚ وَلَا تُمْسِكُوا۟ بِعِصَمِ ٱلْكَوَافِرِ وَسْـَٔلُوا۟ مَآ أَنفَقْتُمْ وَلْيَسْـَٔلُوا۟ مَآ أَنفَقُوا۟ ۚ ذَٰلِكُمْ حُكْمُ ٱللَّهِ ۖ يَحْكُمُ بَيْنَكُمْ ۚ وَٱللَّهُ عَلِيمٌ حَكِيمٌۭ}} ** [https://quran.com/60/10 Quran 60:10] ** Translations: *** O believers! When the believing women come to you as emigrants, test their intentions—their faith is best known to Allah—and if you find them to be believers, then do not send them back to the disbelievers. These ˹women˺ are not lawful ˹wives˺ for the disbelievers, nor are the disbelievers lawful ˹husbands˺ for them. ˹But˺ repay the disbelievers whatever ˹dowries˺ they had paid. And there is no blame on you if you marry these ˹women˺ as long as you pay them their dowries. And do not hold on to marriage with polytheistic women. ˹But˺ demand ˹repayment of˺ whatever ˹dowries˺ you had paid, and let the disbelievers do the same. That is the judgment of Allah—He judges between you. And Allah is All-Knowing, All-Wise. **** [https://quran.com/60/10?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** O you who believe! When believing women come to you as emigrants, examine them; Allâh knows best as to their Faith, then if you ascertain that they are true believers send them not back to the disbelievers. They are not lawful (wives) for the disbelievers nor are the disbelievers lawful (husbands) for them. But give them (the disbelievers) that (amount of money) which they have spent [as their Mahr] to them. And there will be no sin on you to marry them if you have paid their Mahr to them. Likewise hold not the disbelieving women as wives, and ask for (the return of) that which you have spent (as Mahr ) and let them (the disbelievers) ask back for that which they have spent. That is the Judgement of Allâh, He judges between you. And Allâh is All-Knowing, All-Wise.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 68: [[w:Al-Qalam|Al-Qalam]] === * {{arabic|align=right|مَا لَكُمْ كَيْفَ تَحْكُمُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/68/36 Quran 68:36] ** Translations: *** What is the matter with you? How do you judge? **** [https://quran.com/68/36?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** What is the matter with you? How judge you?{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|align=right|أَمْ لَكُمْ أَيْمَـٰنٌ عَلَيْنَا بَـٰلِغَةٌ إِلَىٰ يَوْمِ ٱلْقِيَـٰمَةِ ۙ إِنَّ لَكُمْ لَمَا تَحْكُمُونَ}} ** [https://quran.com/68/39 Quran 68:39] ** Translations: *** Or do you have oaths binding on Us until the Day of Judgment that you will have whatever you decide? **** [https://quran.com/68/39?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Or have you oaths from Us, reaching to the Day of Resurrection, that yours will be what you judge?{{Citation needed}} * {{arabic|align=right|فَٱصْبِرْ لِحُكْمِ رَبِّكَ وَلَا تَكُن كَصَاحِبِ ٱلْحُوتِ إِذْ نَادَىٰ وَهُوَ مَكْظُومٌۭ}} ** [https://quran.com/68/48 Quran 68:48] ** Translations: *** So be patient with your Lord's decree, and do not be like ˹Jonah,˺ the Man of the Whale, who cried out ˹to Allah˺, in total distress. **** [https://quran.com/68/48?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** So wait with patience for the Decision of your Lord, and be not like the Companion of the Fish – when he cried out (to Us) while he was in deep [[sorrow]].{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 76: [[w:Al-Insan|Al-Insan]] === * {{arabic|align=right|فَٱصْبِرْ لِحُكْمِ رَبِّكَ وَلَا تُطِعْ مِنْهُمْ ءَاثِمًا أَوْ كَفُورًۭا}} ** [https://quran.com/76/24 Quran 76:24] ** Translations: *** So be patient with your Lord's decree, and do not yield to any evildoer or ˹staunch˺ disbeliever from among them. **** [https://quran.com/76/24?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Therefore, be patient (O Muhammad) with constancy to the Command of your Lord (Allâh, by doing your duty to Him and by conveying His Message to mankind), and obey neither a sinner nor a disbeliever among them.{{Citation needed}} === Chapter 95: [[w:Al-Alaq|Al-Alaq]] === * {{arabic|align=right|أَلَيْسَ ٱللَّهُ بِأَحْكَمِ ٱلْحَـٰكِمِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/95/8 Quran 95:8] ** Translations: *** Is Allah not the most just of all judges? **** [https://quran.com/95/8?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] *** Is not [[Allah]] the Best of judges?{{Citation needed}} == See also == * [[Jannah]] * [[Jahannam]] * [[Quran]] == External links == {{Wikipedia|Justice in the Quran}} [[Category:Quran]] [[Category:Justice]] [[Category:Islamic law]] 90fa6s1bhuupur763dg74iets6hug6b 0 255172 3779092 3564903 2025-07-15T11:34:43Z SolarisQ 3137151 Formatting 3779092 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Nuh (Noah)1 (cropped).png|thumb|right|Noah's Arabic name ''[[w:Noah in Islam|Nuh]]'' ([[Wiktionary:نوح|نوح]]) in Islamic calligraphy.]] '''[[w:Noah in Islam|Noah]]''', also known as ''Nuh'' ([[Wiktionary:نوح|نوح]]), is recognized in [[Islam]] as a prophet and messenger of God. The 71st sura of the [[Quran]], ''[[w:Nūḥ|Nūḥ]]'', is named after him. == Quotes == [[File:16 2-8-2005-Noahs-ark-Hafis-Abru-2.jpg|thumb|right|Miniature from [[w:Hafiz-i Abru|Hafiz-i Abru]]'s ''Majma al-tawarikh''.]] * '''وَأُوحِىَ إِلَىٰ [[w:Noah in Islam|نُوحٍ]] أَنَّهُۥ لَن يُؤْمِنَ مِن قَوْمِكَ إِلَّا مَن قَدْ ءَامَنَ فَلَا تَبْتَئِسْ بِمَا كَانُوا۟ يَفْعَلُونَ وَٱصْنَعِ ٱلْفُلْكَ بِأَعْيُنِنَا وَوَحْيِنَا وَلَا تُخَـٰطِبْنِى فِى ٱلَّذِينَ ظَلَمُوٓا۟ ۚ إِنَّهُم مُّغْرَقُونَ وَيَصْنَعُ ٱلْفُلْكَ وَكُلَّمَا مَرَّ عَلَيْهِ مَلَأٌۭ مِّن قَوْمِهِۦ سَخِرُوا۟ مِنْهُ ۚ قَالَ إِن تَسْخَرُوا۟ مِنَّا فَإِنَّا نَسْخَرُ مِنكُمْ كَمَا تَسْخَرُونَ فَسَوْفَ تَعْلَمُونَ مَن يَأْتِيهِ عَذَابٌۭ يُخْزِيهِ وَيَحِلُّ عَلَيْهِ عَذَابٌۭ مُّقِيمٌ حَتَّىٰٓ إِذَا جَآءَ أَمْرُنَا وَفَارَ ٱلتَّنُّورُ قُلْنَا ٱحْمِلْ فِيهَا مِن كُلٍّۢ زَوْجَيْنِ ٱثْنَيْنِ وَأَهْلَكَ إِلَّا مَن سَبَقَ عَلَيْهِ ٱلْقَوْلُ وَمَنْ ءَامَنَ ۚ وَمَآ ءَامَنَ مَعَهُۥٓ إِلَّا قَلِيلٌۭ''' ** [http://quran.com/11/36-40 Quran 11:36–40] ** Translations: *** And it was revealed to [[w:Noah in Islam|Noah]], "None of your people will believe except those who already have. So do not be distressed by what they have been doing. And build the Ark under Our ˹watchful˺ Eyes and directions, and do not plead with Me for those who have done wrong, for they will surely be drowned." So he began to build the Ark, and whenever some of the chiefs of his people passed by, they mocked him. He said, "If you laugh at us, we will ˹soon˺ laugh at you similarly. You will soon come to know who will be visited by a humiliating torment ˹in this life˺ and overwhelmed by an everlasting punishment ˹in the next˺." And when Our command came and the oven burst ˹with water˺, We said ˹to Noah˺, "Take into the Ark a pair from every species along with your family—except those against whom the decree ˹to drown˺ has already been passed—and those who believe." But none believed with him except for a few. **** [http://quran.com/11/36-40?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] [[File:Khalili Collection Islamic Art mss 0727 fol 45a det.jpg|thumb|right|Noah's ark as depicted in a 14th-century manuscript of [[w:Rashid al-Din Hamadani|Rashid al-Din]]'s work on world history, the [[w:Jami' al-tawarikh|''Jami al-tawarikh'']].]] * '''وَنَادَىٰ [[w:Noah in Islam|نُوحٌ]] ٱبْنَهُۥ وَكَانَ فِى مَعْزِلٍۢ يَـٰبُنَىَّ ٱرْكَب مَّعَنَا وَلَا تَكُن مَّعَ ٱلْكَـٰفِرِينَ قَالَ سَـَٔاوِىٓ إِلَىٰ جَبَلٍۢ يَعْصِمُنِى مِنَ ٱلْمَآءِ ۚ قَالَ لَا عَاصِمَ ٱلْيَوْمَ مِنْ أَمْرِ [[Allah|ٱللَّهِ]] إِلَّا مَن رَّحِمَ ۚ وَحَالَ بَيْنَهُمَا ٱلْمَوْجُ فَكَانَ مِنَ ٱلْمُغْرَقِينَ وَقِيلَ يَـٰٓأَرْضُ ٱبْلَعِى مَآءَكِ وَيَـٰسَمَآءُ أَقْلِعِى وَغِيضَ ٱلْمَآءُ وَقُضِىَ ٱلْأَمْرُ وَٱسْتَوَتْ عَلَى [[w:Mount Judi|ٱلْجُودِىِّ]] وَقِيلَ بُعْدًۭا لِّلْقَوْمِ ٱلظَّـٰلِمِينَ وَنَادَىٰ نُوحٌۭ رَّبَّهُۥ فَقَالَ رَبِّ إِنَّ ٱبْنِى مِنْ أَهْلِى وَإِنَّ وَعْدَكَ ٱلْحَقُّ وَأَنتَ أَحْكَمُ ٱلْحَـٰكِمِينَ قَالَ يَـٰنُوحُ إِنَّهُۥ لَيْسَ مِنْ أَهْلِكَ ۖ إِنَّهُۥ عَمَلٌ غَيْرُ صَـٰلِحٍۢ ۖ فَلَا تَسْـَٔلْنِ مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهِۦ عِلْمٌ ۖ إِنِّىٓ أَعِظُكَ أَن تَكُونَ مِنَ ٱلْجَـٰهِلِينَ قَالَ رَبِّ إِنِّىٓ أَعُوذُ بِكَ أَنْ أَسْـَٔلَكَ مَا لَيْسَ لِى بِهِۦ عِلْمٌۭ ۖ وَإِلَّا تَغْفِرْ لِى وَتَرْحَمْنِىٓ أَكُن مِّنَ ٱلْخَـٰسِرِينَ''' ** [http://quran.com/11/42-47 Quran 11:42–47] ** Translations: *** [[w:Noah in Islam|Noah]] called out to his son, who stood apart, "O my dear son! Come aboard with us and do not be with the disbelievers." He replied, "I will take refuge on a mountain, which will protect me from the water." Noah cried, "Today no one is protected from [[Allah]]'s decree except those to whom He shows mercy!" And the waves came between them, and his son was among the drowned. And it was said, "O earth! Swallow up your water. And O sky! Withhold ˹your rain˺." The floodwater receded and the decree was carried out. The Ark rested on [[w:Mount Judi|Mount Judi]], and it was said, "Away with the wrongdoing people!" Noah called out to his Lord, saying, "My Lord! Certainly my son is ˹also˺ of my family, Your promise is surely true, and You are the most just of all judges!" Allah replied, "O Noah! He is certainly not of your family—he was entirely of unrighteous conduct. So do not ask Me about what you have no knowledge of! I warn you so you do not fall into ignorance." Noah pleaded, "My Lord, I seek refuge in You from asking You about what I have no knowledge of, and unless You forgive me and have mercy on me, I will be one of the losers." **** [http://quran.com/11/42-47?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] [[File:Noah's ark and the deluge.JPG|thumb|right|Noah's ark and the deluge as depicted in the ''Zubdat-al Tawarikh''.]] * '''[[w:Noah in Islam|قَالَ]] رَبِّ ٱنصُرْنِى بِمَا كَذَّبُونِ فَأَوْحَيْنَآ إِلَيْهِ أَنِ ٱصْنَعِ ٱلْفُلْكَ بِأَعْيُنِنَا وَوَحْيِنَا فَإِذَا جَآءَ أَمْرُنَا وَفَارَ ٱلتَّنُّورُ ۙ فَٱسْلُكْ فِيهَا مِن كُلٍّۢ زَوْجَيْنِ ٱثْنَيْنِ وَأَهْلَكَ إِلَّا مَن سَبَقَ عَلَيْهِ ٱلْقَوْلُ مِنْهُمْ ۖ وَلَا تُخَـٰطِبْنِى فِى ٱلَّذِينَ ظَلَمُوٓا۟ ۖ إِنَّهُم مُّغْرَقُونَ فَإِذَا ٱسْتَوَيْتَ أَنتَ وَمَن مَّعَكَ عَلَى ٱلْفُلْكِ فَقُلِ ٱلْحَمْدُ [[Allah|لِلَّهِ]] ٱلَّذِى نَجَّىٰنَا مِنَ ٱلْقَوْمِ ٱلظَّـٰلِمِينَ''' ** [http://quran.com/23/26-28 Quran 23:26–28] ** Translations: *** [[w:Noah in Islam|Noah]] prayed, "My Lord! Help me, because they have denied ˹me˺." So We inspired him: "Build the Ark under Our ˹watchful˺ Eyes and directions. Then when Our command comes and the oven bursts ˹with water˺, take on board a pair from every species along with your family—except those against whom the decree ˹to drown˺ has already been passed. And do not plead with Me for those who have done wrong, for they will surely be drowned." Then when you and those with you have settled in the Ark, say, "All praise is for [[Allah]], Who saved us from the wrongdoing people." **** [http://quran.com/23/26-28?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] [[File:Noah's Ark by Miskin.jpg|thumb|right|A depiction of Noah's Ark in a [[w:Mughal painting|Mughal miniature]] from the 16th century.]] * '''وَلَقَدْ نَادَىٰنَا [[w:Noah in Islam|نُوحٌۭ]] فَلَنِعْمَ ٱلْمُجِيبُونَ وَنَجَّيْنَـٰهُ وَأَهْلَهُۥ مِنَ ٱلْكَرْبِ ٱلْعَظِيمِ وَجَعَلْنَا ذُرِّيَّتَهُۥ هُمُ ٱلْبَاقِينَ وَتَرَكْنَا عَلَيْهِ فِى ٱلْـَٔاخِرِينَ سَلَـٰمٌ عَلَىٰ [[w:Noah in Islam|نُوحٍۢ]] فِى ٱلْعَـٰلَمِينَ إِنَّا كَذَٰلِكَ نَجْزِى ٱلْمُحْسِنِينَ إِنَّهُۥ مِنْ عِبَادِنَا ٱلْمُؤْمِنِينَ ثُمَّ أَغْرَقْنَا ٱلْـَٔاخَرِينَ''' ** [http://quran.com/37/75-82 Quran 37:75–82] ** Translations: *** Indeed, [[w:Noah in Islam|Noah]] cried out to Us, and how excellent are We in responding! We delivered him and his family from the great distress, and made his descendants the sole survivors. And We blessed him ˹with honourable mention˺ among later generations: "Peace be upon [[w:Noah in Islam|Noah]] among all peoples." Indeed, this is how We reward the good-doers. ˹For˺ he was truly one of Our faithful servants. Then We drowned the others. **** [http://quran.com/37/75-82?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] * '''مِّمَّا خَطِيٓـَٔـٰتِهِمْ أُغْرِقُوا۟ فَأُدْخِلُوا۟ [[Jahannam|نَارًۭا]] فَلَمْ يَجِدُوا۟ لَهُم مِّن دُونِ [[Allah|ٱللَّهِ]] أَنصَارًۭا وَقَالَ [[w:Noah in Islam|نُوحٌۭ]] رَّبِّ لَا تَذَرْ عَلَى ٱلْأَرْضِ مِنَ ٱلْكَـٰفِرِينَ دَيَّارًا إِنَّكَ إِن تَذَرْهُمْ يُضِلُّوا۟ عِبَادَكَ وَلَا يَلِدُوٓا۟ إِلَّا فَاجِرًۭا كَفَّارًۭا رَّبِّ ٱغْفِرْ لِى وَلِوَٰلِدَىَّ وَلِمَن دَخَلَ بَيْتِىَ مُؤْمِنًۭا وَلِلْمُؤْمِنِينَ وَٱلْمُؤْمِنَـٰتِ وَلَا تَزِدِ ٱلظَّـٰلِمِينَ إِلَّا تَبَارًۢا''' ** [http://quran.com/71/25-28 Quran 71:25–28] ** Translations: *** So because of their sins, they were drowned, then admitted into the [[Jahannam|Fire]]. And they found none to help them against [[Allah]]. [[w:Noah in Islam|Noah]] had prayed, "My Lord! Do not leave a single disbeliever on earth. For if You spare ˹any of˺ them, they will certainly mislead Your servants, and give birth only to ˹wicked˺ sinners, staunch disbelievers. My Lord! Forgive me, my parents, and whoever enters my house in faith, and ˹all˺ believing men and women. And increase the wrongdoers only in destruction." **** [http://quran.com/71/25-28?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] == See also == * [[Noah]] * [[Quran]] == External links == {{wikipedia|Noah in Islam}} * [http://quran.com/search?page=1&q=abraham&translations=131 Search for "Noah" at Quran.com] * [http://search-the-quran.com/search/Noah Search for "Noah" at Search-the-Quran.com] [[Category:Quran]] [[Category:Islam]] [[Category:Biblical people in Islam]] rkm8ifs9vk1b00tg6ag8wu1ftvt6p1l 3779093 3779092 2025-07-15T11:35:11Z SolarisQ 3137151 HTTPS links 3779093 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Nuh (Noah)1 (cropped).png|thumb|right|Noah's Arabic name ''[[w:Noah in Islam|Nuh]]'' ([[Wiktionary:نوح|نوح]]) in Islamic calligraphy.]] '''[[w:Noah in Islam|Noah]]''', also known as ''Nuh'' ([[Wiktionary:نوح|نوح]]), is recognized in [[Islam]] as a prophet and messenger of God. The 71st sura of the [[Quran]], ''[[w:Nūḥ|Nūḥ]]'', is named after him. == Quotes == [[File:16 2-8-2005-Noahs-ark-Hafis-Abru-2.jpg|thumb|right|Miniature from [[w:Hafiz-i Abru|Hafiz-i Abru]]'s ''Majma al-tawarikh''.]] * '''وَأُوحِىَ إِلَىٰ [[w:Noah in Islam|نُوحٍ]] أَنَّهُۥ لَن يُؤْمِنَ مِن قَوْمِكَ إِلَّا مَن قَدْ ءَامَنَ فَلَا تَبْتَئِسْ بِمَا كَانُوا۟ يَفْعَلُونَ وَٱصْنَعِ ٱلْفُلْكَ بِأَعْيُنِنَا وَوَحْيِنَا وَلَا تُخَـٰطِبْنِى فِى ٱلَّذِينَ ظَلَمُوٓا۟ ۚ إِنَّهُم مُّغْرَقُونَ وَيَصْنَعُ ٱلْفُلْكَ وَكُلَّمَا مَرَّ عَلَيْهِ مَلَأٌۭ مِّن قَوْمِهِۦ سَخِرُوا۟ مِنْهُ ۚ قَالَ إِن تَسْخَرُوا۟ مِنَّا فَإِنَّا نَسْخَرُ مِنكُمْ كَمَا تَسْخَرُونَ فَسَوْفَ تَعْلَمُونَ مَن يَأْتِيهِ عَذَابٌۭ يُخْزِيهِ وَيَحِلُّ عَلَيْهِ عَذَابٌۭ مُّقِيمٌ حَتَّىٰٓ إِذَا جَآءَ أَمْرُنَا وَفَارَ ٱلتَّنُّورُ قُلْنَا ٱحْمِلْ فِيهَا مِن كُلٍّۢ زَوْجَيْنِ ٱثْنَيْنِ وَأَهْلَكَ إِلَّا مَن سَبَقَ عَلَيْهِ ٱلْقَوْلُ وَمَنْ ءَامَنَ ۚ وَمَآ ءَامَنَ مَعَهُۥٓ إِلَّا قَلِيلٌۭ''' ** [https://quran.com/11/36-40 Quran 11:36–40] ** Translations: *** And it was revealed to [[w:Noah in Islam|Noah]], "None of your people will believe except those who already have. So do not be distressed by what they have been doing. And build the Ark under Our ˹watchful˺ Eyes and directions, and do not plead with Me for those who have done wrong, for they will surely be drowned." So he began to build the Ark, and whenever some of the chiefs of his people passed by, they mocked him. He said, "If you laugh at us, we will ˹soon˺ laugh at you similarly. You will soon come to know who will be visited by a humiliating torment ˹in this life˺ and overwhelmed by an everlasting punishment ˹in the next˺." And when Our command came and the oven burst ˹with water˺, We said ˹to Noah˺, "Take into the Ark a pair from every species along with your family—except those against whom the decree ˹to drown˺ has already been passed—and those who believe." But none believed with him except for a few. **** [https://quran.com/11/36-40?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] [[File:Khalili Collection Islamic Art mss 0727 fol 45a det.jpg|thumb|right|Noah's ark as depicted in a 14th-century manuscript of [[w:Rashid al-Din Hamadani|Rashid al-Din]]'s work on world history, the [[w:Jami' al-tawarikh|''Jami al-tawarikh'']].]] * '''وَنَادَىٰ [[w:Noah in Islam|نُوحٌ]] ٱبْنَهُۥ وَكَانَ فِى مَعْزِلٍۢ يَـٰبُنَىَّ ٱرْكَب مَّعَنَا وَلَا تَكُن مَّعَ ٱلْكَـٰفِرِينَ قَالَ سَـَٔاوِىٓ إِلَىٰ جَبَلٍۢ يَعْصِمُنِى مِنَ ٱلْمَآءِ ۚ قَالَ لَا عَاصِمَ ٱلْيَوْمَ مِنْ أَمْرِ [[Allah|ٱللَّهِ]] إِلَّا مَن رَّحِمَ ۚ وَحَالَ بَيْنَهُمَا ٱلْمَوْجُ فَكَانَ مِنَ ٱلْمُغْرَقِينَ وَقِيلَ يَـٰٓأَرْضُ ٱبْلَعِى مَآءَكِ وَيَـٰسَمَآءُ أَقْلِعِى وَغِيضَ ٱلْمَآءُ وَقُضِىَ ٱلْأَمْرُ وَٱسْتَوَتْ عَلَى [[w:Mount Judi|ٱلْجُودِىِّ]] وَقِيلَ بُعْدًۭا لِّلْقَوْمِ ٱلظَّـٰلِمِينَ وَنَادَىٰ نُوحٌۭ رَّبَّهُۥ فَقَالَ رَبِّ إِنَّ ٱبْنِى مِنْ أَهْلِى وَإِنَّ وَعْدَكَ ٱلْحَقُّ وَأَنتَ أَحْكَمُ ٱلْحَـٰكِمِينَ قَالَ يَـٰنُوحُ إِنَّهُۥ لَيْسَ مِنْ أَهْلِكَ ۖ إِنَّهُۥ عَمَلٌ غَيْرُ صَـٰلِحٍۢ ۖ فَلَا تَسْـَٔلْنِ مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهِۦ عِلْمٌ ۖ إِنِّىٓ أَعِظُكَ أَن تَكُونَ مِنَ ٱلْجَـٰهِلِينَ قَالَ رَبِّ إِنِّىٓ أَعُوذُ بِكَ أَنْ أَسْـَٔلَكَ مَا لَيْسَ لِى بِهِۦ عِلْمٌۭ ۖ وَإِلَّا تَغْفِرْ لِى وَتَرْحَمْنِىٓ أَكُن مِّنَ ٱلْخَـٰسِرِينَ''' ** [https://quran.com/11/42-47 Quran 11:42–47] ** Translations: *** [[w:Noah in Islam|Noah]] called out to his son, who stood apart, "O my dear son! Come aboard with us and do not be with the disbelievers." He replied, "I will take refuge on a mountain, which will protect me from the water." Noah cried, "Today no one is protected from [[Allah]]'s decree except those to whom He shows mercy!" And the waves came between them, and his son was among the drowned. And it was said, "O earth! Swallow up your water. And O sky! Withhold ˹your rain˺." The floodwater receded and the decree was carried out. The Ark rested on [[w:Mount Judi|Mount Judi]], and it was said, "Away with the wrongdoing people!" Noah called out to his Lord, saying, "My Lord! Certainly my son is ˹also˺ of my family, Your promise is surely true, and You are the most just of all judges!" Allah replied, "O Noah! He is certainly not of your family—he was entirely of unrighteous conduct. So do not ask Me about what you have no knowledge of! I warn you so you do not fall into ignorance." Noah pleaded, "My Lord, I seek refuge in You from asking You about what I have no knowledge of, and unless You forgive me and have mercy on me, I will be one of the losers." **** [https://quran.com/11/42-47?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] [[File:Noah's ark and the deluge.JPG|thumb|right|Noah's ark and the deluge as depicted in the ''Zubdat-al Tawarikh''.]] * '''[[w:Noah in Islam|قَالَ]] رَبِّ ٱنصُرْنِى بِمَا كَذَّبُونِ فَأَوْحَيْنَآ إِلَيْهِ أَنِ ٱصْنَعِ ٱلْفُلْكَ بِأَعْيُنِنَا وَوَحْيِنَا فَإِذَا جَآءَ أَمْرُنَا وَفَارَ ٱلتَّنُّورُ ۙ فَٱسْلُكْ فِيهَا مِن كُلٍّۢ زَوْجَيْنِ ٱثْنَيْنِ وَأَهْلَكَ إِلَّا مَن سَبَقَ عَلَيْهِ ٱلْقَوْلُ مِنْهُمْ ۖ وَلَا تُخَـٰطِبْنِى فِى ٱلَّذِينَ ظَلَمُوٓا۟ ۖ إِنَّهُم مُّغْرَقُونَ فَإِذَا ٱسْتَوَيْتَ أَنتَ وَمَن مَّعَكَ عَلَى ٱلْفُلْكِ فَقُلِ ٱلْحَمْدُ [[Allah|لِلَّهِ]] ٱلَّذِى نَجَّىٰنَا مِنَ ٱلْقَوْمِ ٱلظَّـٰلِمِينَ''' ** [https://quran.com/23/26-28 Quran 23:26–28] ** Translations: *** [[w:Noah in Islam|Noah]] prayed, "My Lord! Help me, because they have denied ˹me˺." So We inspired him: "Build the Ark under Our ˹watchful˺ Eyes and directions. Then when Our command comes and the oven bursts ˹with water˺, take on board a pair from every species along with your family—except those against whom the decree ˹to drown˺ has already been passed. And do not plead with Me for those who have done wrong, for they will surely be drowned." Then when you and those with you have settled in the Ark, say, "All praise is for [[Allah]], Who saved us from the wrongdoing people." **** [https://quran.com/23/26-28?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] [[File:Noah's Ark by Miskin.jpg|thumb|right|A depiction of Noah's Ark in a [[w:Mughal painting|Mughal miniature]] from the 16th century.]] * '''وَلَقَدْ نَادَىٰنَا [[w:Noah in Islam|نُوحٌۭ]] فَلَنِعْمَ ٱلْمُجِيبُونَ وَنَجَّيْنَـٰهُ وَأَهْلَهُۥ مِنَ ٱلْكَرْبِ ٱلْعَظِيمِ وَجَعَلْنَا ذُرِّيَّتَهُۥ هُمُ ٱلْبَاقِينَ وَتَرَكْنَا عَلَيْهِ فِى ٱلْـَٔاخِرِينَ سَلَـٰمٌ عَلَىٰ [[w:Noah in Islam|نُوحٍۢ]] فِى ٱلْعَـٰلَمِينَ إِنَّا كَذَٰلِكَ نَجْزِى ٱلْمُحْسِنِينَ إِنَّهُۥ مِنْ عِبَادِنَا ٱلْمُؤْمِنِينَ ثُمَّ أَغْرَقْنَا ٱلْـَٔاخَرِينَ''' ** [https://quran.com/37/75-82 Quran 37:75–82] ** Translations: *** Indeed, [[w:Noah in Islam|Noah]] cried out to Us, and how excellent are We in responding! We delivered him and his family from the great distress, and made his descendants the sole survivors. And We blessed him ˹with honourable mention˺ among later generations: "Peace be upon [[w:Noah in Islam|Noah]] among all peoples." Indeed, this is how We reward the good-doers. ˹For˺ he was truly one of Our faithful servants. Then We drowned the others. **** [https://quran.com/37/75-82?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] * '''مِّمَّا خَطِيٓـَٔـٰتِهِمْ أُغْرِقُوا۟ فَأُدْخِلُوا۟ [[Jahannam|نَارًۭا]] فَلَمْ يَجِدُوا۟ لَهُم مِّن دُونِ [[Allah|ٱللَّهِ]] أَنصَارًۭا وَقَالَ [[w:Noah in Islam|نُوحٌۭ]] رَّبِّ لَا تَذَرْ عَلَى ٱلْأَرْضِ مِنَ ٱلْكَـٰفِرِينَ دَيَّارًا إِنَّكَ إِن تَذَرْهُمْ يُضِلُّوا۟ عِبَادَكَ وَلَا يَلِدُوٓا۟ إِلَّا فَاجِرًۭا كَفَّارًۭا رَّبِّ ٱغْفِرْ لِى وَلِوَٰلِدَىَّ وَلِمَن دَخَلَ بَيْتِىَ مُؤْمِنًۭا وَلِلْمُؤْمِنِينَ وَٱلْمُؤْمِنَـٰتِ وَلَا تَزِدِ ٱلظَّـٰلِمِينَ إِلَّا تَبَارًۢا''' ** [https://quran.com/71/25-28 Quran 71:25–28] ** Translations: *** So because of their sins, they were drowned, then admitted into the [[Jahannam|Fire]]. And they found none to help them against [[Allah]]. [[w:Noah in Islam|Noah]] had prayed, "My Lord! Do not leave a single disbeliever on earth. For if You spare ˹any of˺ them, they will certainly mislead Your servants, and give birth only to ˹wicked˺ sinners, staunch disbelievers. My Lord! Forgive me, my parents, and whoever enters my house in faith, and ˹all˺ believing men and women. And increase the wrongdoers only in destruction." **** [https://quran.com/71/25-28?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] == See also == * [[Noah]] * [[Quran]] == External links == {{wikipedia|Noah in Islam}} * [https://quran.com/search?page=1&q=abraham&translations=131 Search for "Noah" at Quran.com] * [https://search-the-quran.com/search/Noah Search for "Noah" at Search-the-Quran.com] [[Category:Quran]] [[Category:Islam]] [[Category:Biblical people in Islam]] fdr0eqldwzv93djqe5i5uhbebczu3a8 3779094 3779093 2025-07-15T11:35:34Z SolarisQ 3137151 Used arabic template 3779094 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Nuh (Noah)1 (cropped).png|thumb|right|Noah's Arabic name ''[[w:Noah in Islam|Nuh]]'' ([[Wiktionary:نوح|{{arabic|نوح}}]]) in Islamic calligraphy.]] '''[[w:Noah in Islam|Noah]]''', also known as ''Nuh'' ([[Wiktionary:نوح|{{arabic|نوح}}]]), is recognized in [[Islam]] as a prophet and messenger of God. The 71st sura of the [[Quran]], ''[[w:Nūḥ|Nūḥ]]'', is named after him. == Quotes == [[File:16 2-8-2005-Noahs-ark-Hafis-Abru-2.jpg|thumb|right|Miniature from [[w:Hafiz-i Abru|Hafiz-i Abru]]'s ''Majma al-tawarikh''.]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|وَأُوحِىَ إِلَىٰ [[w:Noah in Islam|نُوحٍ]] أَنَّهُۥ لَن يُؤْمِنَ مِن قَوْمِكَ إِلَّا مَن قَدْ ءَامَنَ فَلَا تَبْتَئِسْ بِمَا كَانُوا۟ يَفْعَلُونَ وَٱصْنَعِ ٱلْفُلْكَ بِأَعْيُنِنَا وَوَحْيِنَا وَلَا تُخَـٰطِبْنِى فِى ٱلَّذِينَ ظَلَمُوٓا۟ ۚ إِنَّهُم مُّغْرَقُونَ وَيَصْنَعُ ٱلْفُلْكَ وَكُلَّمَا مَرَّ عَلَيْهِ مَلَأٌۭ مِّن قَوْمِهِۦ سَخِرُوا۟ مِنْهُ ۚ قَالَ إِن تَسْخَرُوا۟ مِنَّا فَإِنَّا نَسْخَرُ مِنكُمْ كَمَا تَسْخَرُونَ فَسَوْفَ تَعْلَمُونَ مَن يَأْتِيهِ عَذَابٌۭ يُخْزِيهِ وَيَحِلُّ عَلَيْهِ عَذَابٌۭ مُّقِيمٌ حَتَّىٰٓ إِذَا جَآءَ أَمْرُنَا وَفَارَ ٱلتَّنُّورُ قُلْنَا ٱحْمِلْ فِيهَا مِن كُلٍّۢ زَوْجَيْنِ ٱثْنَيْنِ وَأَهْلَكَ إِلَّا مَن سَبَقَ عَلَيْهِ ٱلْقَوْلُ وَمَنْ ءَامَنَ ۚ وَمَآ ءَامَنَ مَعَهُۥٓ إِلَّا قَلِيلٌۭ}} ** [https://quran.com/11/36-40 Quran 11:36–40] ** Translations: *** And it was revealed to [[w:Noah in Islam|Noah]], "None of your people will believe except those who already have. So do not be distressed by what they have been doing. And build the Ark under Our ˹watchful˺ Eyes and directions, and do not plead with Me for those who have done wrong, for they will surely be drowned." So he began to build the Ark, and whenever some of the chiefs of his people passed by, they mocked him. He said, "If you laugh at us, we will ˹soon˺ laugh at you similarly. You will soon come to know who will be visited by a humiliating torment ˹in this life˺ and overwhelmed by an everlasting punishment ˹in the next˺." And when Our command came and the oven burst ˹with water˺, We said ˹to Noah˺, "Take into the Ark a pair from every species along with your family—except those against whom the decree ˹to drown˺ has already been passed—and those who believe." But none believed with him except for a few. **** [https://quran.com/11/36-40?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] [[File:Khalili Collection Islamic Art mss 0727 fol 45a det.jpg|thumb|right|Noah's ark as depicted in a 14th-century manuscript of [[w:Rashid al-Din Hamadani|Rashid al-Din]]'s work on world history, the [[w:Jami' al-tawarikh|''Jami al-tawarikh'']].]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|وَنَادَىٰ [[w:Noah in Islam|نُوحٌ]] ٱبْنَهُۥ وَكَانَ فِى مَعْزِلٍۢ يَـٰبُنَىَّ ٱرْكَب مَّعَنَا وَلَا تَكُن مَّعَ ٱلْكَـٰفِرِينَ قَالَ سَـَٔاوِىٓ إِلَىٰ جَبَلٍۢ يَعْصِمُنِى مِنَ ٱلْمَآءِ ۚ قَالَ لَا عَاصِمَ ٱلْيَوْمَ مِنْ أَمْرِ [[Allah|ٱللَّهِ]] إِلَّا مَن رَّحِمَ ۚ وَحَالَ بَيْنَهُمَا ٱلْمَوْجُ فَكَانَ مِنَ ٱلْمُغْرَقِينَ وَقِيلَ يَـٰٓأَرْضُ ٱبْلَعِى مَآءَكِ وَيَـٰسَمَآءُ أَقْلِعِى وَغِيضَ ٱلْمَآءُ وَقُضِىَ ٱلْأَمْرُ وَٱسْتَوَتْ عَلَى [[w:Mount Judi|ٱلْجُودِىِّ]] وَقِيلَ بُعْدًۭا لِّلْقَوْمِ ٱلظَّـٰلِمِينَ وَنَادَىٰ نُوحٌۭ رَّبَّهُۥ فَقَالَ رَبِّ إِنَّ ٱبْنِى مِنْ أَهْلِى وَإِنَّ وَعْدَكَ ٱلْحَقُّ وَأَنتَ أَحْكَمُ ٱلْحَـٰكِمِينَ قَالَ يَـٰنُوحُ إِنَّهُۥ لَيْسَ مِنْ أَهْلِكَ ۖ إِنَّهُۥ عَمَلٌ غَيْرُ صَـٰلِحٍۢ ۖ فَلَا تَسْـَٔلْنِ مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهِۦ عِلْمٌ ۖ إِنِّىٓ أَعِظُكَ أَن تَكُونَ مِنَ ٱلْجَـٰهِلِينَ قَالَ رَبِّ إِنِّىٓ أَعُوذُ بِكَ أَنْ أَسْـَٔلَكَ مَا لَيْسَ لِى بِهِۦ عِلْمٌۭ ۖ وَإِلَّا تَغْفِرْ لِى وَتَرْحَمْنِىٓ أَكُن مِّنَ ٱلْخَـٰسِرِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/11/42-47 Quran 11:42–47] ** Translations: *** [[w:Noah in Islam|Noah]] called out to his son, who stood apart, "O my dear son! Come aboard with us and do not be with the disbelievers." He replied, "I will take refuge on a mountain, which will protect me from the water." Noah cried, "Today no one is protected from [[Allah]]'s decree except those to whom He shows mercy!" And the waves came between them, and his son was among the drowned. And it was said, "O earth! Swallow up your water. And O sky! Withhold ˹your rain˺." The floodwater receded and the decree was carried out. The Ark rested on [[w:Mount Judi|Mount Judi]], and it was said, "Away with the wrongdoing people!" Noah called out to his Lord, saying, "My Lord! Certainly my son is ˹also˺ of my family, Your promise is surely true, and You are the most just of all judges!" Allah replied, "O Noah! He is certainly not of your family—he was entirely of unrighteous conduct. So do not ask Me about what you have no knowledge of! I warn you so you do not fall into ignorance." Noah pleaded, "My Lord, I seek refuge in You from asking You about what I have no knowledge of, and unless You forgive me and have mercy on me, I will be one of the losers." **** [https://quran.com/11/42-47?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] [[File:Noah's ark and the deluge.JPG|thumb|right|Noah's ark and the deluge as depicted in the ''Zubdat-al Tawarikh''.]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|[[w:Noah in Islam|قَالَ]] رَبِّ ٱنصُرْنِى بِمَا كَذَّبُونِ فَأَوْحَيْنَآ إِلَيْهِ أَنِ ٱصْنَعِ ٱلْفُلْكَ بِأَعْيُنِنَا وَوَحْيِنَا فَإِذَا جَآءَ أَمْرُنَا وَفَارَ ٱلتَّنُّورُ ۙ فَٱسْلُكْ فِيهَا مِن كُلٍّۢ زَوْجَيْنِ ٱثْنَيْنِ وَأَهْلَكَ إِلَّا مَن سَبَقَ عَلَيْهِ ٱلْقَوْلُ مِنْهُمْ ۖ وَلَا تُخَـٰطِبْنِى فِى ٱلَّذِينَ ظَلَمُوٓا۟ ۖ إِنَّهُم مُّغْرَقُونَ فَإِذَا ٱسْتَوَيْتَ أَنتَ وَمَن مَّعَكَ عَلَى ٱلْفُلْكِ فَقُلِ ٱلْحَمْدُ [[Allah|لِلَّهِ]] ٱلَّذِى نَجَّىٰنَا مِنَ ٱلْقَوْمِ ٱلظَّـٰلِمِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/23/26-28 Quran 23:26–28] ** Translations: *** [[w:Noah in Islam|Noah]] prayed, "My Lord! Help me, because they have denied ˹me˺." So We inspired him: "Build the Ark under Our ˹watchful˺ Eyes and directions. Then when Our command comes and the oven bursts ˹with water˺, take on board a pair from every species along with your family—except those against whom the decree ˹to drown˺ has already been passed. And do not plead with Me for those who have done wrong, for they will surely be drowned." Then when you and those with you have settled in the Ark, say, "All praise is for [[Allah]], Who saved us from the wrongdoing people." **** [https://quran.com/23/26-28?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] [[File:Noah's Ark by Miskin.jpg|thumb|right|A depiction of Noah's Ark in a [[w:Mughal painting|Mughal miniature]] from the 16th century.]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|وَلَقَدْ نَادَىٰنَا [[w:Noah in Islam|نُوحٌۭ]] فَلَنِعْمَ ٱلْمُجِيبُونَ وَنَجَّيْنَـٰهُ وَأَهْلَهُۥ مِنَ ٱلْكَرْبِ ٱلْعَظِيمِ وَجَعَلْنَا ذُرِّيَّتَهُۥ هُمُ ٱلْبَاقِينَ وَتَرَكْنَا عَلَيْهِ فِى ٱلْـَٔاخِرِينَ سَلَـٰمٌ عَلَىٰ [[w:Noah in Islam|نُوحٍۢ]] فِى ٱلْعَـٰلَمِينَ إِنَّا كَذَٰلِكَ نَجْزِى ٱلْمُحْسِنِينَ إِنَّهُۥ مِنْ عِبَادِنَا ٱلْمُؤْمِنِينَ ثُمَّ أَغْرَقْنَا ٱلْـَٔاخَرِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/37/75-82 Quran 37:75–82] ** Translations: *** Indeed, [[w:Noah in Islam|Noah]] cried out to Us, and how excellent are We in responding! We delivered him and his family from the great distress, and made his descendants the sole survivors. And We blessed him ˹with honourable mention˺ among later generations: "Peace be upon [[w:Noah in Islam|Noah]] among all peoples." Indeed, this is how We reward the good-doers. ˹For˺ he was truly one of Our faithful servants. Then We drowned the others. **** [https://quran.com/37/75-82?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] * {{arabic|weight=bold|مِّمَّا خَطِيٓـَٔـٰتِهِمْ أُغْرِقُوا۟ فَأُدْخِلُوا۟ [[Jahannam|نَارًۭا]] فَلَمْ يَجِدُوا۟ لَهُم مِّن دُونِ [[Allah|ٱللَّهِ]] أَنصَارًۭا وَقَالَ [[w:Noah in Islam|نُوحٌۭ]] رَّبِّ لَا تَذَرْ عَلَى ٱلْأَرْضِ مِنَ ٱلْكَـٰفِرِينَ دَيَّارًا إِنَّكَ إِن تَذَرْهُمْ يُضِلُّوا۟ عِبَادَكَ وَلَا يَلِدُوٓا۟ إِلَّا فَاجِرًۭا كَفَّارًۭا رَّبِّ ٱغْفِرْ لِى وَلِوَٰلِدَىَّ وَلِمَن دَخَلَ بَيْتِىَ مُؤْمِنًۭا وَلِلْمُؤْمِنِينَ وَٱلْمُؤْمِنَـٰتِ وَلَا تَزِدِ ٱلظَّـٰلِمِينَ إِلَّا تَبَارًۢا}} ** [https://quran.com/71/25-28 Quran 71:25–28] ** Translations: *** So because of their sins, they were drowned, then admitted into the [[Jahannam|Fire]]. And they found none to help them against [[Allah]]. [[w:Noah in Islam|Noah]] had prayed, "My Lord! Do not leave a single disbeliever on earth. For if You spare ˹any of˺ them, they will certainly mislead Your servants, and give birth only to ˹wicked˺ sinners, staunch disbelievers. My Lord! Forgive me, my parents, and whoever enters my house in faith, and ˹all˺ believing men and women. And increase the wrongdoers only in destruction." **** [https://quran.com/71/25-28?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] == See also == * [[Noah]] * [[Quran]] == External links == {{wikipedia|Noah in Islam}} * [https://quran.com/search?page=1&q=abraham&translations=131 Search for "Noah" at Quran.com] * [https://search-the-quran.com/search/Noah Search for "Noah" at Search-the-Quran.com] [[Category:Quran]] [[Category:Islam]] [[Category:Biblical people in Islam]] kw8bxewh88cad42fv5hexkrvnph65zk 3779095 3779094 2025-07-15T11:35:58Z SolarisQ 3137151 Right-aligned text 3779095 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Nuh (Noah)1 (cropped).png|thumb|right|Noah's Arabic name ''[[w:Noah in Islam|Nuh]]'' ([[Wiktionary:نوح|{{arabic|نوح}}]]) in Islamic calligraphy.]] '''[[w:Noah in Islam|Noah]]''', also known as ''Nuh'' ([[Wiktionary:نوح|{{arabic|نوح}}]]), is recognized in [[Islam]] as a prophet and messenger of God. The 71st sura of the [[Quran]], ''[[w:Nūḥ|Nūḥ]]'', is named after him. == Quotes == [[File:16 2-8-2005-Noahs-ark-Hafis-Abru-2.jpg|thumb|right|Miniature from [[w:Hafiz-i Abru|Hafiz-i Abru]]'s ''Majma al-tawarikh''.]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|وَأُوحِىَ إِلَىٰ [[w:Noah in Islam|نُوحٍ]] أَنَّهُۥ لَن يُؤْمِنَ مِن قَوْمِكَ إِلَّا مَن قَدْ ءَامَنَ فَلَا تَبْتَئِسْ بِمَا كَانُوا۟ يَفْعَلُونَ وَٱصْنَعِ ٱلْفُلْكَ بِأَعْيُنِنَا وَوَحْيِنَا وَلَا تُخَـٰطِبْنِى فِى ٱلَّذِينَ ظَلَمُوٓا۟ ۚ إِنَّهُم مُّغْرَقُونَ وَيَصْنَعُ ٱلْفُلْكَ وَكُلَّمَا مَرَّ عَلَيْهِ مَلَأٌۭ مِّن قَوْمِهِۦ سَخِرُوا۟ مِنْهُ ۚ قَالَ إِن تَسْخَرُوا۟ مِنَّا فَإِنَّا نَسْخَرُ مِنكُمْ كَمَا تَسْخَرُونَ فَسَوْفَ تَعْلَمُونَ مَن يَأْتِيهِ عَذَابٌۭ يُخْزِيهِ وَيَحِلُّ عَلَيْهِ عَذَابٌۭ مُّقِيمٌ حَتَّىٰٓ إِذَا جَآءَ أَمْرُنَا وَفَارَ ٱلتَّنُّورُ قُلْنَا ٱحْمِلْ فِيهَا مِن كُلٍّۢ زَوْجَيْنِ ٱثْنَيْنِ وَأَهْلَكَ إِلَّا مَن سَبَقَ عَلَيْهِ ٱلْقَوْلُ وَمَنْ ءَامَنَ ۚ وَمَآ ءَامَنَ مَعَهُۥٓ إِلَّا قَلِيلٌۭ}} ** [https://quran.com/11/36-40 Quran 11:36–40] ** Translations: *** And it was revealed to [[w:Noah in Islam|Noah]], "None of your people will believe except those who already have. So do not be distressed by what they have been doing. And build the Ark under Our ˹watchful˺ Eyes and directions, and do not plead with Me for those who have done wrong, for they will surely be drowned." So he began to build the Ark, and whenever some of the chiefs of his people passed by, they mocked him. He said, "If you laugh at us, we will ˹soon˺ laugh at you similarly. You will soon come to know who will be visited by a humiliating torment ˹in this life˺ and overwhelmed by an everlasting punishment ˹in the next˺." And when Our command came and the oven burst ˹with water˺, We said ˹to Noah˺, "Take into the Ark a pair from every species along with your family—except those against whom the decree ˹to drown˺ has already been passed—and those who believe." But none believed with him except for a few. **** [https://quran.com/11/36-40?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] [[File:Khalili Collection Islamic Art mss 0727 fol 45a det.jpg|thumb|right|Noah's ark as depicted in a 14th-century manuscript of [[w:Rashid al-Din Hamadani|Rashid al-Din]]'s work on world history, the [[w:Jami' al-tawarikh|''Jami al-tawarikh'']].]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|وَنَادَىٰ [[w:Noah in Islam|نُوحٌ]] ٱبْنَهُۥ وَكَانَ فِى مَعْزِلٍۢ يَـٰبُنَىَّ ٱرْكَب مَّعَنَا وَلَا تَكُن مَّعَ ٱلْكَـٰفِرِينَ قَالَ سَـَٔاوِىٓ إِلَىٰ جَبَلٍۢ يَعْصِمُنِى مِنَ ٱلْمَآءِ ۚ قَالَ لَا عَاصِمَ ٱلْيَوْمَ مِنْ أَمْرِ [[Allah|ٱللَّهِ]] إِلَّا مَن رَّحِمَ ۚ وَحَالَ بَيْنَهُمَا ٱلْمَوْجُ فَكَانَ مِنَ ٱلْمُغْرَقِينَ وَقِيلَ يَـٰٓأَرْضُ ٱبْلَعِى مَآءَكِ وَيَـٰسَمَآءُ أَقْلِعِى وَغِيضَ ٱلْمَآءُ وَقُضِىَ ٱلْأَمْرُ وَٱسْتَوَتْ عَلَى [[w:Mount Judi|ٱلْجُودِىِّ]] وَقِيلَ بُعْدًۭا لِّلْقَوْمِ ٱلظَّـٰلِمِينَ وَنَادَىٰ نُوحٌۭ رَّبَّهُۥ فَقَالَ رَبِّ إِنَّ ٱبْنِى مِنْ أَهْلِى وَإِنَّ وَعْدَكَ ٱلْحَقُّ وَأَنتَ أَحْكَمُ ٱلْحَـٰكِمِينَ قَالَ يَـٰنُوحُ إِنَّهُۥ لَيْسَ مِنْ أَهْلِكَ ۖ إِنَّهُۥ عَمَلٌ غَيْرُ صَـٰلِحٍۢ ۖ فَلَا تَسْـَٔلْنِ مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهِۦ عِلْمٌ ۖ إِنِّىٓ أَعِظُكَ أَن تَكُونَ مِنَ ٱلْجَـٰهِلِينَ قَالَ رَبِّ إِنِّىٓ أَعُوذُ بِكَ أَنْ أَسْـَٔلَكَ مَا لَيْسَ لِى بِهِۦ عِلْمٌۭ ۖ وَإِلَّا تَغْفِرْ لِى وَتَرْحَمْنِىٓ أَكُن مِّنَ ٱلْخَـٰسِرِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/11/42-47 Quran 11:42–47] ** Translations: *** [[w:Noah in Islam|Noah]] called out to his son, who stood apart, "O my dear son! Come aboard with us and do not be with the disbelievers." He replied, "I will take refuge on a mountain, which will protect me from the water." Noah cried, "Today no one is protected from [[Allah]]'s decree except those to whom He shows mercy!" And the waves came between them, and his son was among the drowned. And it was said, "O earth! Swallow up your water. And O sky! Withhold ˹your rain˺." The floodwater receded and the decree was carried out. The Ark rested on [[w:Mount Judi|Mount Judi]], and it was said, "Away with the wrongdoing people!" Noah called out to his Lord, saying, "My Lord! Certainly my son is ˹also˺ of my family, Your promise is surely true, and You are the most just of all judges!" Allah replied, "O Noah! He is certainly not of your family—he was entirely of unrighteous conduct. So do not ask Me about what you have no knowledge of! I warn you so you do not fall into ignorance." Noah pleaded, "My Lord, I seek refuge in You from asking You about what I have no knowledge of, and unless You forgive me and have mercy on me, I will be one of the losers." **** [https://quran.com/11/42-47?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] [[File:Noah's ark and the deluge.JPG|thumb|right|Noah's ark and the deluge as depicted in the ''Zubdat-al Tawarikh''.]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|[[w:Noah in Islam|قَالَ]] رَبِّ ٱنصُرْنِى بِمَا كَذَّبُونِ فَأَوْحَيْنَآ إِلَيْهِ أَنِ ٱصْنَعِ ٱلْفُلْكَ بِأَعْيُنِنَا وَوَحْيِنَا فَإِذَا جَآءَ أَمْرُنَا وَفَارَ ٱلتَّنُّورُ ۙ فَٱسْلُكْ فِيهَا مِن كُلٍّۢ زَوْجَيْنِ ٱثْنَيْنِ وَأَهْلَكَ إِلَّا مَن سَبَقَ عَلَيْهِ ٱلْقَوْلُ مِنْهُمْ ۖ وَلَا تُخَـٰطِبْنِى فِى ٱلَّذِينَ ظَلَمُوٓا۟ ۖ إِنَّهُم مُّغْرَقُونَ فَإِذَا ٱسْتَوَيْتَ أَنتَ وَمَن مَّعَكَ عَلَى ٱلْفُلْكِ فَقُلِ ٱلْحَمْدُ [[Allah|لِلَّهِ]] ٱلَّذِى نَجَّىٰنَا مِنَ ٱلْقَوْمِ ٱلظَّـٰلِمِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/23/26-28 Quran 23:26–28] ** Translations: *** [[w:Noah in Islam|Noah]] prayed, "My Lord! Help me, because they have denied ˹me˺." So We inspired him: "Build the Ark under Our ˹watchful˺ Eyes and directions. Then when Our command comes and the oven bursts ˹with water˺, take on board a pair from every species along with your family—except those against whom the decree ˹to drown˺ has already been passed. And do not plead with Me for those who have done wrong, for they will surely be drowned." Then when you and those with you have settled in the Ark, say, "All praise is for [[Allah]], Who saved us from the wrongdoing people." **** [https://quran.com/23/26-28?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] [[File:Noah's Ark by Miskin.jpg|thumb|right|A depiction of Noah's Ark in a [[w:Mughal painting|Mughal miniature]] from the 16th century.]] * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|وَلَقَدْ نَادَىٰنَا [[w:Noah in Islam|نُوحٌۭ]] فَلَنِعْمَ ٱلْمُجِيبُونَ وَنَجَّيْنَـٰهُ وَأَهْلَهُۥ مِنَ ٱلْكَرْبِ ٱلْعَظِيمِ وَجَعَلْنَا ذُرِّيَّتَهُۥ هُمُ ٱلْبَاقِينَ وَتَرَكْنَا عَلَيْهِ فِى ٱلْـَٔاخِرِينَ سَلَـٰمٌ عَلَىٰ [[w:Noah in Islam|نُوحٍۢ]] فِى ٱلْعَـٰلَمِينَ إِنَّا كَذَٰلِكَ نَجْزِى ٱلْمُحْسِنِينَ إِنَّهُۥ مِنْ عِبَادِنَا ٱلْمُؤْمِنِينَ ثُمَّ أَغْرَقْنَا ٱلْـَٔاخَرِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/37/75-82 Quran 37:75–82] ** Translations: *** Indeed, [[w:Noah in Islam|Noah]] cried out to Us, and how excellent are We in responding! We delivered him and his family from the great distress, and made his descendants the sole survivors. And We blessed him ˹with honourable mention˺ among later generations: "Peace be upon [[w:Noah in Islam|Noah]] among all peoples." Indeed, this is how We reward the good-doers. ˹For˺ he was truly one of Our faithful servants. Then We drowned the others. **** [https://quran.com/37/75-82?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] * {{arabic|weight=bold|align=right|مِّمَّا خَطِيٓـَٔـٰتِهِمْ أُغْرِقُوا۟ فَأُدْخِلُوا۟ [[Jahannam|نَارًۭا]] فَلَمْ يَجِدُوا۟ لَهُم مِّن دُونِ [[Allah|ٱللَّهِ]] أَنصَارًۭا وَقَالَ [[w:Noah in Islam|نُوحٌۭ]] رَّبِّ لَا تَذَرْ عَلَى ٱلْأَرْضِ مِنَ ٱلْكَـٰفِرِينَ دَيَّارًا إِنَّكَ إِن تَذَرْهُمْ يُضِلُّوا۟ عِبَادَكَ وَلَا يَلِدُوٓا۟ إِلَّا فَاجِرًۭا كَفَّارًۭا رَّبِّ ٱغْفِرْ لِى وَلِوَٰلِدَىَّ وَلِمَن دَخَلَ بَيْتِىَ مُؤْمِنًۭا وَلِلْمُؤْمِنِينَ وَٱلْمُؤْمِنَـٰتِ وَلَا تَزِدِ ٱلظَّـٰلِمِينَ إِلَّا تَبَارًۢا}} ** [https://quran.com/71/25-28 Quran 71:25–28] ** Translations: *** So because of their sins, they were drowned, then admitted into the [[Jahannam|Fire]]. And they found none to help them against [[Allah]]. [[w:Noah in Islam|Noah]] had prayed, "My Lord! Do not leave a single disbeliever on earth. For if You spare ˹any of˺ them, they will certainly mislead Your servants, and give birth only to ˹wicked˺ sinners, staunch disbelievers. My Lord! Forgive me, my parents, and whoever enters my house in faith, and ˹all˺ believing men and women. And increase the wrongdoers only in destruction." **** [https://quran.com/71/25-28?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] == See also == * [[Noah]] * [[Quran]] == External links == {{wikipedia|Noah in Islam}} * [https://quran.com/search?page=1&q=abraham&translations=131 Search for "Noah" at Quran.com] * [https://search-the-quran.com/search/Noah Search for "Noah" at Search-the-Quran.com] [[Category:Quran]] [[Category:Islam]] [[Category:Biblical people in Islam]] ly6t9j86s38p2gwfp864sne2agncq3u 3779097 3779095 2025-07-15T11:36:25Z SolarisQ 3137151 Unboldened text 3779097 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Nuh (Noah)1 (cropped).png|thumb|right|Noah's Arabic name ''[[w:Noah in Islam|Nuh]]'' ([[Wiktionary:نوح|{{arabic|نوح}}]]) in Islamic calligraphy.]] '''[[w:Noah in Islam|Noah]]''', also known as ''Nuh'' ([[Wiktionary:نوح|{{arabic|نوح}}]]), is recognized in [[Islam]] as a prophet and messenger of God. The 71st sura of the [[Quran]], ''[[w:Nūḥ|Nūḥ]]'', is named after him. == Quotes == [[File:16 2-8-2005-Noahs-ark-Hafis-Abru-2.jpg|thumb|right|Miniature from [[w:Hafiz-i Abru|Hafiz-i Abru]]'s ''Majma al-tawarikh''.]] * {{arabic|align=right|وَأُوحِىَ إِلَىٰ [[w:Noah in Islam|نُوحٍ]] أَنَّهُۥ لَن يُؤْمِنَ مِن قَوْمِكَ إِلَّا مَن قَدْ ءَامَنَ فَلَا تَبْتَئِسْ بِمَا كَانُوا۟ يَفْعَلُونَ وَٱصْنَعِ ٱلْفُلْكَ بِأَعْيُنِنَا وَوَحْيِنَا وَلَا تُخَـٰطِبْنِى فِى ٱلَّذِينَ ظَلَمُوٓا۟ ۚ إِنَّهُم مُّغْرَقُونَ وَيَصْنَعُ ٱلْفُلْكَ وَكُلَّمَا مَرَّ عَلَيْهِ مَلَأٌۭ مِّن قَوْمِهِۦ سَخِرُوا۟ مِنْهُ ۚ قَالَ إِن تَسْخَرُوا۟ مِنَّا فَإِنَّا نَسْخَرُ مِنكُمْ كَمَا تَسْخَرُونَ فَسَوْفَ تَعْلَمُونَ مَن يَأْتِيهِ عَذَابٌۭ يُخْزِيهِ وَيَحِلُّ عَلَيْهِ عَذَابٌۭ مُّقِيمٌ حَتَّىٰٓ إِذَا جَآءَ أَمْرُنَا وَفَارَ ٱلتَّنُّورُ قُلْنَا ٱحْمِلْ فِيهَا مِن كُلٍّۢ زَوْجَيْنِ ٱثْنَيْنِ وَأَهْلَكَ إِلَّا مَن سَبَقَ عَلَيْهِ ٱلْقَوْلُ وَمَنْ ءَامَنَ ۚ وَمَآ ءَامَنَ مَعَهُۥٓ إِلَّا قَلِيلٌۭ}} ** [https://quran.com/11/36-40 Quran 11:36–40] ** Translations: *** And it was revealed to [[w:Noah in Islam|Noah]], "None of your people will believe except those who already have. So do not be distressed by what they have been doing. And build the Ark under Our ˹watchful˺ Eyes and directions, and do not plead with Me for those who have done wrong, for they will surely be drowned." So he began to build the Ark, and whenever some of the chiefs of his people passed by, they mocked him. He said, "If you laugh at us, we will ˹soon˺ laugh at you similarly. You will soon come to know who will be visited by a humiliating torment ˹in this life˺ and overwhelmed by an everlasting punishment ˹in the next˺." And when Our command came and the oven burst ˹with water˺, We said ˹to Noah˺, "Take into the Ark a pair from every species along with your family—except those against whom the decree ˹to drown˺ has already been passed—and those who believe." But none believed with him except for a few. **** [https://quran.com/11/36-40?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] [[File:Khalili Collection Islamic Art mss 0727 fol 45a det.jpg|thumb|right|Noah's ark as depicted in a 14th-century manuscript of [[w:Rashid al-Din Hamadani|Rashid al-Din]]'s work on world history, the [[w:Jami' al-tawarikh|''Jami al-tawarikh'']].]] * {{arabic|align=right|وَنَادَىٰ [[w:Noah in Islam|نُوحٌ]] ٱبْنَهُۥ وَكَانَ فِى مَعْزِلٍۢ يَـٰبُنَىَّ ٱرْكَب مَّعَنَا وَلَا تَكُن مَّعَ ٱلْكَـٰفِرِينَ قَالَ سَـَٔاوِىٓ إِلَىٰ جَبَلٍۢ يَعْصِمُنِى مِنَ ٱلْمَآءِ ۚ قَالَ لَا عَاصِمَ ٱلْيَوْمَ مِنْ أَمْرِ [[Allah|ٱللَّهِ]] إِلَّا مَن رَّحِمَ ۚ وَحَالَ بَيْنَهُمَا ٱلْمَوْجُ فَكَانَ مِنَ ٱلْمُغْرَقِينَ وَقِيلَ يَـٰٓأَرْضُ ٱبْلَعِى مَآءَكِ وَيَـٰسَمَآءُ أَقْلِعِى وَغِيضَ ٱلْمَآءُ وَقُضِىَ ٱلْأَمْرُ وَٱسْتَوَتْ عَلَى [[w:Mount Judi|ٱلْجُودِىِّ]] وَقِيلَ بُعْدًۭا لِّلْقَوْمِ ٱلظَّـٰلِمِينَ وَنَادَىٰ نُوحٌۭ رَّبَّهُۥ فَقَالَ رَبِّ إِنَّ ٱبْنِى مِنْ أَهْلِى وَإِنَّ وَعْدَكَ ٱلْحَقُّ وَأَنتَ أَحْكَمُ ٱلْحَـٰكِمِينَ قَالَ يَـٰنُوحُ إِنَّهُۥ لَيْسَ مِنْ أَهْلِكَ ۖ إِنَّهُۥ عَمَلٌ غَيْرُ صَـٰلِحٍۢ ۖ فَلَا تَسْـَٔلْنِ مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهِۦ عِلْمٌ ۖ إِنِّىٓ أَعِظُكَ أَن تَكُونَ مِنَ ٱلْجَـٰهِلِينَ قَالَ رَبِّ إِنِّىٓ أَعُوذُ بِكَ أَنْ أَسْـَٔلَكَ مَا لَيْسَ لِى بِهِۦ عِلْمٌۭ ۖ وَإِلَّا تَغْفِرْ لِى وَتَرْحَمْنِىٓ أَكُن مِّنَ ٱلْخَـٰسِرِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/11/42-47 Quran 11:42–47] ** Translations: *** [[w:Noah in Islam|Noah]] called out to his son, who stood apart, "O my dear son! Come aboard with us and do not be with the disbelievers." He replied, "I will take refuge on a mountain, which will protect me from the water." Noah cried, "Today no one is protected from [[Allah]]'s decree except those to whom He shows mercy!" And the waves came between them, and his son was among the drowned. And it was said, "O earth! Swallow up your water. And O sky! Withhold ˹your rain˺." The floodwater receded and the decree was carried out. The Ark rested on [[w:Mount Judi|Mount Judi]], and it was said, "Away with the wrongdoing people!" Noah called out to his Lord, saying, "My Lord! Certainly my son is ˹also˺ of my family, Your promise is surely true, and You are the most just of all judges!" Allah replied, "O Noah! He is certainly not of your family—he was entirely of unrighteous conduct. So do not ask Me about what you have no knowledge of! I warn you so you do not fall into ignorance." Noah pleaded, "My Lord, I seek refuge in You from asking You about what I have no knowledge of, and unless You forgive me and have mercy on me, I will be one of the losers." **** [https://quran.com/11/42-47?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] [[File:Noah's ark and the deluge.JPG|thumb|right|Noah's ark and the deluge as depicted in the ''Zubdat-al Tawarikh''.]] * {{arabic|align=right|[[w:Noah in Islam|قَالَ]] رَبِّ ٱنصُرْنِى بِمَا كَذَّبُونِ فَأَوْحَيْنَآ إِلَيْهِ أَنِ ٱصْنَعِ ٱلْفُلْكَ بِأَعْيُنِنَا وَوَحْيِنَا فَإِذَا جَآءَ أَمْرُنَا وَفَارَ ٱلتَّنُّورُ ۙ فَٱسْلُكْ فِيهَا مِن كُلٍّۢ زَوْجَيْنِ ٱثْنَيْنِ وَأَهْلَكَ إِلَّا مَن سَبَقَ عَلَيْهِ ٱلْقَوْلُ مِنْهُمْ ۖ وَلَا تُخَـٰطِبْنِى فِى ٱلَّذِينَ ظَلَمُوٓا۟ ۖ إِنَّهُم مُّغْرَقُونَ فَإِذَا ٱسْتَوَيْتَ أَنتَ وَمَن مَّعَكَ عَلَى ٱلْفُلْكِ فَقُلِ ٱلْحَمْدُ [[Allah|لِلَّهِ]] ٱلَّذِى نَجَّىٰنَا مِنَ ٱلْقَوْمِ ٱلظَّـٰلِمِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/23/26-28 Quran 23:26–28] ** Translations: *** [[w:Noah in Islam|Noah]] prayed, "My Lord! Help me, because they have denied ˹me˺." So We inspired him: "Build the Ark under Our ˹watchful˺ Eyes and directions. Then when Our command comes and the oven bursts ˹with water˺, take on board a pair from every species along with your family—except those against whom the decree ˹to drown˺ has already been passed. And do not plead with Me for those who have done wrong, for they will surely be drowned." Then when you and those with you have settled in the Ark, say, "All praise is for [[Allah]], Who saved us from the wrongdoing people." **** [https://quran.com/23/26-28?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] [[File:Noah's Ark by Miskin.jpg|thumb|right|A depiction of Noah's Ark in a [[w:Mughal painting|Mughal miniature]] from the 16th century.]] * {{arabic|align=right|وَلَقَدْ نَادَىٰنَا [[w:Noah in Islam|نُوحٌۭ]] فَلَنِعْمَ ٱلْمُجِيبُونَ وَنَجَّيْنَـٰهُ وَأَهْلَهُۥ مِنَ ٱلْكَرْبِ ٱلْعَظِيمِ وَجَعَلْنَا ذُرِّيَّتَهُۥ هُمُ ٱلْبَاقِينَ وَتَرَكْنَا عَلَيْهِ فِى ٱلْـَٔاخِرِينَ سَلَـٰمٌ عَلَىٰ [[w:Noah in Islam|نُوحٍۢ]] فِى ٱلْعَـٰلَمِينَ إِنَّا كَذَٰلِكَ نَجْزِى ٱلْمُحْسِنِينَ إِنَّهُۥ مِنْ عِبَادِنَا ٱلْمُؤْمِنِينَ ثُمَّ أَغْرَقْنَا ٱلْـَٔاخَرِينَ}} ** [https://quran.com/37/75-82 Quran 37:75–82] ** Translations: *** Indeed, [[w:Noah in Islam|Noah]] cried out to Us, and how excellent are We in responding! We delivered him and his family from the great distress, and made his descendants the sole survivors. And We blessed him ˹with honourable mention˺ among later generations: "Peace be upon [[w:Noah in Islam|Noah]] among all peoples." Indeed, this is how We reward the good-doers. ˹For˺ he was truly one of Our faithful servants. Then We drowned the others. **** [https://quran.com/37/75-82?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] * {{arabic|align=right|مِّمَّا خَطِيٓـَٔـٰتِهِمْ أُغْرِقُوا۟ فَأُدْخِلُوا۟ [[Jahannam|نَارًۭا]] فَلَمْ يَجِدُوا۟ لَهُم مِّن دُونِ [[Allah|ٱللَّهِ]] أَنصَارًۭا وَقَالَ [[w:Noah in Islam|نُوحٌۭ]] رَّبِّ لَا تَذَرْ عَلَى ٱلْأَرْضِ مِنَ ٱلْكَـٰفِرِينَ دَيَّارًا إِنَّكَ إِن تَذَرْهُمْ يُضِلُّوا۟ عِبَادَكَ وَلَا يَلِدُوٓا۟ إِلَّا فَاجِرًۭا كَفَّارًۭا رَّبِّ ٱغْفِرْ لِى وَلِوَٰلِدَىَّ وَلِمَن دَخَلَ بَيْتِىَ مُؤْمِنًۭا وَلِلْمُؤْمِنِينَ وَٱلْمُؤْمِنَـٰتِ وَلَا تَزِدِ ٱلظَّـٰلِمِينَ إِلَّا تَبَارًۢا}} ** [https://quran.com/71/25-28 Quran 71:25–28] ** Translations: *** So because of their sins, they were drowned, then admitted into the [[Jahannam|Fire]]. And they found none to help them against [[Allah]]. [[w:Noah in Islam|Noah]] had prayed, "My Lord! Do not leave a single disbeliever on earth. For if You spare ˹any of˺ them, they will certainly mislead Your servants, and give birth only to ˹wicked˺ sinners, staunch disbelievers. My Lord! Forgive me, my parents, and whoever enters my house in faith, and ˹all˺ believing men and women. And increase the wrongdoers only in destruction." **** [https://quran.com/71/25-28?translations=131 ''The Clear Quran''] == See also == * [[Noah]] * [[Quran]] == External links == {{wikipedia|Noah in Islam}} * [https://quran.com/search?page=1&q=abraham&translations=131 Search for "Noah" at Quran.com] * [https://search-the-quran.com/search/Noah Search for "Noah" at Search-the-Quran.com] [[Category:Quran]] [[Category:Islam]] [[Category:Biblical people in Islam]] 6gbom983gzbafd4xnjvhxhwkmgb6zaa 0 255708 3778766 3773144 2025-07-14T17:55:16Z 2600:1700:C361:A40:598C:AA99:C4B7:8F3B /* DikinBaus Hot Dogs [26.05] */ 3778766 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} {{South Park header}} '''''[[w:South Park|South Park]]''''' (1997–present) is an adult animated television series created by [[w:Trey Parker|Trey Parker]] and [[w:Matt Stone|Matt Stone]]. Distributed by and airing on Comedy Central, it follows the surreal adventures of four young boys who live in the small town of South Park, Colorado. {{tv-stub}} === ''[[w:Cupid Ye|Cupid Ye]] [26.01]'' === :''[Stan, Cartman, and Kenny are watching Kyle and Tolkien's TikTok video on Stan's phone, all perplexed]'' :'''Cartman''': What the fuck is this? Seriously, what the fuck is this? You guys notice that Kyle and Tolkien are doing everything together, lately? :'''Stan''': Yeah, they're quite the little team, aren't they? <hr width=50%> :'''Cartman''': Hey, Stan. Guess what? I have some good news for you. :'''Stan''': What? :'''Cartman''': A little magic fairy told me that you and Kyle are gonna get back together soon. :'''Stan''': I don't care that Kyle is making TikToks with Tolkien. :'''Cartman''': Yes, you do. But don't worry, Stan. It's almost Valentine's Day. And the little angel on my shoulder says that Kyle is gonna come running back to you any minute! <hr width=50%> :'''Clyde''': ''[approaching Kyle and Tolkien with Scott]'' Hey, Kyle, you got a minute? :'''Kyle''': Yeah, what's up? :'''Clyde''': Well, there's this rumor starting to go around the school. Kids are saying it like… I don't know, like, you run Hollywood. :'''Kyle''': What? :'''Clyde''': I told Scott that's just people being dumb and he shouldn't listen to stuff like that. But…Scott and I do have this sweet movie idea about a dude who has guns for hands and we have the first 20 pages written, so… You don't really run Hollywood, right? :'''Kyle''': ''[angrily]'' I'm not even going to justify that with a response. Because repeating a derogatory slur, even for the purpose of refuting it, can make stupid people think it's valid! ''[storms off]'' :'''Clyde''': Holy shoot. Kyle runs Hollywood. :'''Scott''': Kyle runs Hollywood, and you fucked up the pitch! :'''Clyde''': How'd I frack up the pitch?! :'''Scott''': You gotta tell him what the stakes are! People who make movies, they just care about the stakes! :'''Clyde''': The guy has guns for hands! :''[Kyle and Cartman are in the principal's office and PC Principal confronts Cartman]'' :'''PC Principal''': Mr. Cartman, did you or did you not tell students at this school that Kyle runs Hollywood? :'''Cartman''': I think I did say that, yes. :'''PC Principal''': And why would you say such an intolerant, offensive thing like that?! :'''Cartman''': ''[shrugs]'' Somebody runs Hollywood. :'''Kyle''': ''[irritated] Lots'' of people run Hollywood! :'''Cartman''': Yes, lots of… people like Kyle. :'''PC Principal''': Mr. Cartman, you are a dangerous frickin' ground here, buddy! <hr width=50%> :'''Kyle''': Okay, wait, wait, cut. Hang on. Let's try it again. I think you forgot the words. :'''Tolkien''': Yeah, sorry. I'm just tired. I didn't get the best sleep last night. Maybe I should do the mom part. :'''Kyle''': Nah, you do the kid part, it's funnier. :'''Tolkien''': Okay, yeah. I guess you call the shots. :'''Kyle''': What's that supposed to mean? :'''Tolkien''': Just means you're in charge. :'''Kyle''': Oh, ''I'm'' in charge. Like I control things? Huh, are you gonna start saying I run Hollywood now too? :'''Tolkien''': I didn't say I run Hollywood. And honestly, I'm getting kind of sick of hearing it. :'''Kyle''': ''You're'' sick of hearing it? :'''Tolkien''': Yeah, I'm sick of hearing it. :'''Kyle''': ''[as Cartman watches them argue from behind the bushes, smiling]'' Oh, my God, are you listening to yourself? You of all people should have some compassion. :'''Tolkien''': Oh, really? Why me of all people, Kyle? :'''Kyle''': You seriously don't know why? You know that Jews have stood alongside Blacks since the Civil Rights movement began, right? :'''Tolkien''': What does that have to do with anything? :'''Kyle''': I'm just saying I thought you'd be a better friend. 'Cause you're like… :'''Tolkien''': 'Cause I'm like what? Black? :'''Cartman''': Oh my God, this is so awesome. :'''Kyle''': Whatever, Tolkien. Now you're gonna act like I somehow did something wrong to you. :'''Tolkien''': No, you didn't do it to me. It just seems to work out that way all the time for you people. :'''Kyle''': You people?! No, it works that way for ''you'' people! :'''Tolkien''': You know what?! I don't wanna make TikToks with you anymore! :'''Kyle''': I don't wanna make TikToks with ''you'' anymore! :'''Tolkien''': Good! :'''Kyle''': Good! :''[They both angrily go their separate ways]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Cupid Ye''': What are you waiting for? Let's jack up these mofos! :'''Kyle''': Holy shit! :'''Tolkien''': What the heck is that?! :'''Cartman''': ''[off-screen]'' CUPID YE!!! ''[the kids all turn around and stare at him; shaking a bottle of pills]'' Time to take your meds. === ''[[w:The Worldwide Privacy Tour|The Worldwide Privacy Tour]] [26.02]'' === :'''Officer''': ''[answering the phone]'' Park Country Police Station. What's your emergency? :'''Kyle''': ''[on the phone]'' Yeah, the neighbors across the street are setting off fireworks and it's 10:30 at night! :'''Officer''': Oh, is it the Prince of Canada and his wife, who just want to be left alone? :'''Kyle''': Yes! They're being super loud, and I'm trying to work on my brand! ''[looks outside from his window]'' Oh, God damn it, now the prince is playing polo on the lawn! <hr width=50%> :'''Jimmy''': Wow, Kyle, you seem really different. :'''Kyle''': Do you like it? :'''Jimmy''': Uh, sure. :'''Kyle''': Thanks, Jimmy. But you know, I really need to thank a good friend. He introduced me to a way of becoming a more stable person. Have you seen Butters? :'''Jimmy''': Butters? Oh, sure. He's out on the playground, getting the shit beat out of him by Bebe. :'''Kyle''': What?! :''[Outside on the playground, all the kids gather around, watching Bebe beating up Butters to a bloody pulp]'' :'''Bebe''': ''[savagely]'' MOTHER… FUCKER! DON'T EVER SAY THAT SHIT AGAIN! :'''Kyle''': ''[runs up]'' Hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa! ''[breaks up the fighting]'' What the hell is going on?! :'''Bebe''': I wasn't even doing anything, and he came up and started talking shit to me! :'''Butters''': Yeah, everyone likes a guy that's strong and assertive, so I told Bebe to go fuck herself. :'''Bebe''': WHO DO YOU EVEN THINK YOU ARE?! :'''Butters''': You want some more of this, you dumb slut?! :'''Kyle''': Butters, what are you doing?! This isn't you! :'''Butters''': Hey, Kyle, will you relax? You're kinda fucking up my brand. :'''Kyle''': Okay, that does it-- come on, Butters. You're going back to CumHammer. :'''Bebe''': You're lucky he saved your ass! :'''Butters''': Fuck you, you fucking bitch! === ''[[w:Japanese Toilets|Japanese Toilet]] [26.03]'' === :''[In the living room, Shelley is on her phone while Stan watches Randy play [[w:Hogwarts Legacy|Hogwarts Legacy]]]'' :'''Randy''': See, Stan? You gotta choose if wanna be in Gryffindor or Slytherin. :'''Stan''': Yeah, can I do it? :'''Randy''': Yeah, see, you gotta fight these fairy guys. :'''Sharon''': ''[entering]'' Randy? Randy! The powder room toilet is broken…again! :'''Randy''': Did you jiggle the handle? :'''Sharon''': Yes, I jiggled the handle! Will you come fix this, please?! :'''Randy''': Okay, okay. ''[gets up from the sofa and enters the powder room to try and fix the toilet]'' Huh, well, let's see. It's gotta be the little black floaty thingy. ''[to Sharon]'' What'd you do to it? :'''Sharon''': I didn't do anything. :'''Randy''': Let me see if there's water in the bowl… ''[starts to open the lid]'' :'''Sharon''': ''[quickly closes it]'' No! Don't lift the lid! :'''Randy''': ''[smirking]'' Why can't I lift the lid? :'''Sharon''': Don't, Randy! :'''Randy''': Uh-huh. ''[peeks out the door; to his kids]'' Hey, guys! Your mom took a shit and doesn't want me to see it! :'''Stan''': ''[disgusted]'' Ew! :'''Shelley''': Gross, Dad! :'''Sharon''': Randy, we need to get a new toilet. :'''Randy''': We can't just get rid of Ol' Blue, Sharon. :'''Sharon''': This is embarrassing. It's the powder room toilet, the one guests use! You get a new toilet, Randy, or I'm not helping you sell weed anymore! ''[walks out]'' :'''Randy''': Alright, alright, Sharon, you win. As usual. <hr width="50%"> :'''Sharon''': ''[as the Japanese toilet is being installed in the powder room] That's'' the new toilet? How much did it cost? :'''Randy''': Oh, Sharon. Tenn-ish. :'''Sharon''': What's tenn-ish? :'''Randy''': Tenn-ish. Thousand-ish. Ten thousand-ish. :'''Sharon''': ''[shocked in anger]'' You spent $10,000 on a toilet?! We don't have that kind of money, Randy! :'''Randy''': Yeah, we do. <hr width="50%"> :''[The adults are having brunch with Randy at the table while Stephen tries out the new Japanese toilet in the powder room]'' :'''Randy''': If you think about it, a dry piece of toilet paper can't clean your half as well as pressurized water. I feel that most people have to walk around with fecal matter on their anus, but I'm just lucky I've sold enough weed to be able not to. But was it really luck? Or was it hard work? Heck, I don't know, but you know-- :'''Stan''': ''[barging into the kitchen]'' Dad, can I talk to you?! :'''Randy''': Stan? You're back from school already? :'''Stan''': I need to talk to you right now! ''[they enter Randy's office; closes the door]'' The fuck are you doing?! :'''Randy''': The fuck are you doing? :'''Stan''': You need to stop gloating to everybody! :'''Randy''': I am not gloating. :'''Stan''': Yes, you are, and now kids at school are calling me Richie Rich! :'''Randy''': They are? :'''Stan''': Nobody cares about your stupid toilet and you're acting like a jerk! :'''Randy''': You're stupid. I'm acting like a jerk because I'm trying to help people?! :'''Stan''': How are you trying to help people, Dad? :'''Randy''': Because the people don't know that these toilets are awesome, and I'm just, like, the well-respected guy who's trying to open people's eyes like JFK. :'''Stan''': You are not like JFK! You're just showing off! :'''Randy''': Nuh-uh, I'm like JFK 'cause I am trying to change things! You're part of a very respected family, Stan. You should start acting like it. <hr width="50%"> :''[Hell's Pass Hospital; The Marshes are sitting in the Waiting Room as the doctor comes to see them for on an update on Randy, after he was shot]'' :'''Doctor''': I'm sorry, but he's in critical condition. :'''Sharon''': Who shot him? :'''Doctor''': Nobody knows. :'''Stan''': Is he gonna be okay? :'''Doctor''': He's in a coma. He's unconscious and just blabbering nonsense. :'''Randy''': ''[lying down in a hospital bed; blabbering weakly] Bikkuri… Bikkurishita... Taihen deshou...'' === ''[[w:Deep Learning (South Park)|Deep Learning]] [26.04]'' === :'''Stan''': Hey, Clyde, can I talk to you? :'''Clyde''': Sure, bro. :'''Stan''': Well, um, Wendy just came up to me and was acting all hurt 'cause she think I don't care about her. :'''Clyde''': ''[closes his locker]'' Uh-huh. :'''Stan''': And she said that she wishes I would reply to her texts the way that Clyde responds to Bebe's. So, like… how do you do it? :'''Clyde''': ChatGPT, dude. :'''Stan''': ChatGPT? :'''Clyde''': Yeah, dude, there's a bunch of apps and programs you can subscribe to that use OpenAI to do all your writing for you. People use 'em to write poems, write job applications, but what they're really good for is dealing with chicks. Here. Check it out. There's tons of ChatGPT apps for your phone. So, then I can take whatever latest dumb thing Bebe texted me, I copy it, then I open the GPT app, click "respond to," paste her text here, hit "write." It just thinks for a second. '''"You would look great with any length of hair! Trying a new look could be fun."''' Copy that into messages and send it off. It's super easy and convenient and it saves me a ton of time because she texts me so goddamn much. ''[his phone buzzes, getting another text from Bebe]'' Jesus Christ! ''[reads her text]'' '''"I probably won't do it, but thanks for being supportive."''' Cut. Paste. Write. Cut. Messages. Paste. Send. There. ''[copy and pastes Bebe's latest text, responding, '''"No problem! I'm glad you feel supported whether you do it or not."''']'' All done with her stupid shit. :'''Stan''': This is a real app? :'''Clyde''': It'll completely change your life, bro. <hr width="50%"> :''[Mr. Garrison's residence; Rick is cooking up dinner while Mr. Garrison is grading essays]'' :'''Mr. Garrison''': Ugh. Ugh, God, I can't take it, Rick! :'''Rick''': What's the matter? :'''Mr. Garrison''': Oh, it's just grading these stupid papers all the time! I have to read 'em all and comment on each one of them. Jesus Christ. Something's changed, and now a few of the kids are writing these really long, detailed essays. I don't know what's going on. I guess I've just taught them really well, maybe a bit too well. === ''[[w:DikinBaus Hot Dogs|DikinBaus Hot Dogs]] [26.05]'' === :'''Cartman''': Butters, what the hell are you wearing? :'''Butters''': I got a job over at the ice cream shop! Well, guess what? I got my very first paycheck. :'''Cartman''': That's not fair. I want a paycheck. :'''Butters''': My dad told me if I got a job, we could put my paycheck in my very own bank account. :'''Cartman''': I want a bank account. :'''Stan''': I didn't know kids could get jobs. <hr width="50%"> :'''Cartman''': This is going to be the best restaurant in Colorado, Kenny. And I know exactly what we should name it. :'''Field Reporter''': Tom, I'm standing out front of a Colorado icon, the old Coney Island Hot Dog, where the owners plan to reopen soon. The hot dog stand is going through major renovations and the new name has just been announced, DikinBaus Hot Dogs is sure to be a big hit here in town. :''[McCormick residence; Cartman and Kenny are watching the news and burst out laughing at the new restaurant name]'' :'''Cartman''': ''[laughing]'' He said it! We got him to say dick and balls! :'''Field Reporter''': ''[holding a plate with a hot dog]'' The owners say they're planning on all kinds of rides and games. And also, with each hot dog served here at DikinBaus Hot Dogs, they actually use the ketchup to put a nice little smiley face on the plate. It's just their sort of trademark touch. The renovations are supposed to be finished soon and the new owners are inviting everyone to come on down, enjoy, and let DikinBaus put a smile on your buns. <hr width="50%"> :'''Butters''': Are you guys just playing around? :'''Cartman''': No, we are renovating and opening an amazing restaurant that will be extremely profitable. :'''Butters''': Then why did you name it DikinBaus? :'''Cartman''': Butters, you are the investor. We are the creatives. :'''Butters''': Well, stop being creative and open the goddamn restaurant so I can get my money back. :'''Cartman''': ''[mocking Butters]'' "So stop dicking around and wasting my money." Butters, at DikinBaus, dicking around is all we do, dicking around the competition. <hr width="50%"> :''[Stotch residence; Butters returns home from work, exhausted, and finds his parents in the living room]'' :'''Stephen''': ''[annoyed with his arms crossed]'' Back from work, Butters? :'''Butters''': Oh. Hey, Mom and Dad. :'''Stephen''': You must be so tired from selling all that ice cream. :'''Butters''': Well, yeah, it was a pretty long night. :'''Stephen''': ''[to Linda]'' A long night, he says. That's great, Butters. Only problem is, if you're really working at a job, then why is there… ''[takes out Butters' paycheck] '''$0''''' in your bank account?! :''[Linda starts weeping]'' :'''Butters''': ''[shocked with horror]'' What?! :'''Stephen''': So now what are you ''really'' doing, young man? :'''Butters''': $0?! But I've been working every day! (That's impossible!) :'''Stephen''': Oh, sure. I know exactly how it is. You say you have to work so you can get out of the house, get away from the family and you go down to that glory hole down on Fourth and Larimer. :'''Linda''': ''[in tears]'' Oh, my God, Butters! :'''Stephen''': And while your family thinks you're at your job, you're actually strapped facedown on a bed at the Brighton Motel, taking any load you can find on Adult FriendFinder. It's the lies! It's the lies! I can't take it anymore! ''[runs to the front door]'' I'm going to the office and get some work done! ''[walks out the door and leaves]'' :'''Butters''': ''[enraged]'' That son of a gun! <hr width="50%"> :'''Benny''': Well, congratulations, young man. DikinBaus Hot Dogs is a big success and here's your first return on your investment. ''[gives Butters his paycheck]'' I'm sure there's many more to come. :'''Butters''': Oh, I made my money back, huh? :'''Benny''': Now what I'm thinking, Butters, is that we should grow your business by applying for a corporate loan, which could pay you dividends as you expand the company into new areas. :'''Butters''': Yeah, I wasn't thinking that. See, all I ever wanted was just to do my job, learn how to work, and help Mr. Sullivan sell ice cream. So, I'm thinking I'm actually going to conduct a market analysis to look for potential buyers and roll over the company as an exit strategy. :'''Benny''': Well, you could do that but I think you'd have trouble getting investors who will commit major capital for just partial ownership. :'''Butters''': Yeah. So that's why I want to approach overseas investors who will buy the IP, the restaurant operations, and the real estate outright. :'''Benny''': But you couldn't do that because there's already tenants in the building who have to be relocated. :'''Butters''': Yeah, I thought of that too. Come on in. :'''Liane''': Hello. :'''Benny''': Wait, so you two have already discussed some kind of deal? :'''Liane''': Oh, yes. Butters and I have been talking, and we think that my little Eric deserves to get exactly what he's been wanting for a long time. <hr width="50%"> :''[As Liane and her son move back to their old house…]'' :'''Liane''': There you go, Eric. It's your old room just like you always wanted. :'''Cartman''': ''[sobbing in protest]'' But I hate this stupid house! I don't want to be here! I want to be in ''DIKINBAUS!!!'' DikinBaus is awesome! This place sucks! '''PLEASE!!''' ''[Liane leaves as he tearfully hyperventilates]'' I want--I WANT--DIKIN...BAAAUUUUSS!!!! I want my DikinBaus! DIKINBAUS! '''DIKINBAAAUUUS!!!!!''' === ''[[w:Spring Break (South Park)|Spring Break]] [26.06]'' === :''[Sharon and Shelley have all their stuff packed in the car for their spring break trip to Santa Fe, leaving Randy and Stan alone together]'' :'''Randy''': Alright, guys, you sure you packed everything? :'''Sharon''': Yeah, that should be all of it. :'''Randy''': Well, I hope you and Shelley have a great spring break trip. :'''Sharon''': I still feel bad, us going on a trip while you and Stan stay home. :'''Randy''': You guys have fun in Santa Fe. We're going to do some dad-and-son stuff. Goodbye, Shelley! Have fun! I'll miss you! :'''Sharon''': There should be food enough to last you the week. :'''Randy''': Yes, yes, don't worry. We'll be fine. :'''Sharon''': Bye, Stan! Love you! :'''Stan''': Love you, Mom! :'''Randy''': Okay, guys, be safe! :'''Sharon''': Bye! :'''Randy''': Aww, yeah! Bitches are gone! ''[strips in his underwear]'' Spring break! Spring break! Spring break! This is gonna be the best spring break ever! They're gonna be gone the whole week! Bro, what are you doing? :'''Stan''': ''[painting board-game miniatures on the coffee table]'' I'm painting miniatures. :'''Randy''': Painting min… Dude, do you not understand? Your mom and Shelley are gone! We can do whatever we want without any stupid rules! :'''Stan''': Whatever I want? :'''Randy''': Yeah, dude! That's what this is all about! Let's do some spring break shit! :'''Stan''': Can I see if any of the guys wanna come over to do "40k" all week? :'''Randy''': Hell, yeah, let's do some "40k". What is that? :'''Stan''': You don't know "Warhammer 40k"? :'''Randy''': Oh, yeah, "Warhammer 40k", of course. I'm down. Let's do it. :'''Stan''': Really? All week? :'''Randy''': Yeah, dude! You're old enough. :'''Stan''': Sweet, I'm gonna call Tolkien! <hr width="50%"> :'''Male Partygoer''': ''[opened the door]'' Can I help you? :'''Female Police Officer''': We've had some complaints about a party that's been going on for three days here. :'''Randy''': Hey, what's going on? Alright guys, who ordered the stripper? :'''Female Police Officer''': Can we come in and look around, sir? :'''Randy''': Oh, yeah! Come on in! ''[smacks her in the buttocks]'' Honk, honk! :'''Female Police Officer''': All right, get down on the ground! :'''Randy''': Whoa, whoa! No, no, no. It's okay. I'm just helping my boy through the media assault on manliness. :'''Female Police Officer''': ''[tazes Randy and handcuffs him]'' I need to see some ID, sir. :'''Randy''': Ah! Okay, okay! Stan! Stan! :'''Stan''': Yeah? :'''Randy''': Can you get my wallet from upstairs? :'''Stan''': Yeah, as soon as we're done with this psyker phase. I have five psyker units. :'''Randy''': Oh, my God. This is so embarrassing! <hr width="50%"> :'''Capitol Police Officer''': ''[sees the crowd storming the Capitol chanting "I love Rick!"]'' Oh, crap. Here we go again! <hr width="50%"> :'''Stan''': Oh. Hey, Mom. :'''Sharon''': Stanley, what have I told you about playing "Warhammer" on the table? :'''Stan''': Aw! tkis82uctv4xejxfro09nomcb0e5quc 2 255852 3778957 3775631 2025-07-15T00:55:27Z Ficaia 3085955 3778957 wikitext text/x-wiki == To create/expand == * [[Women]] * [[User:Ficaia/Russia]] * [[User:Ficaia/United States]] * [[User:Ficaia/John Quincy Adams]] * [[User:Ficaia/Babel]] * [[User:Ficaia/Sandbox]] ---- * [[User:Ficaia/Patriotic Citizenship (1895)]] * [[User:Ficaia/The Misanthrope]] ---- == [[Euripides]] == * Γύναι, καλὸν μὲν φέγγος ἡλίου τόδε, <br> καλὸν δὲ πόντου χεῦμ᾿ ἰδεῖν εἰήνεμον, <br> γῆ τ' ἠρινὸν θάλλουσα πλούσιον θ᾽ ὕδωρ, <br> πολλῶν τ᾽ ἔπαινον ἔστι μοι λέξαι καλῶν· <br> ἀλλ᾽ οὐδὲν οὕτω λαμπρὸν οὐδ᾿ ἰδεῖν καλὸν <br> ὡς τοῖς ἄπαισι καὶ πόθῳ δεδηγμένοις <br> παίδων νεογνῶν ἐν δόμοις ἰδεῖν θάλος. ** ''Danaё'' * Ἔρως γὰρ ἀργὸν κἀπὶ τοιούτοις ἔφυ· <br> φιλεῖ κάτοπτρα καὶ κόμης ξανθίσματα, <br> φεύγει δὲ μόχθους. ἓν δέ μοι τεκμήριον· <br> οὐδεὶς προσαιτῶν βίοτον ἠράσθη βροτῶν, <br> ἐν τοῖς δ᾽ ἔχουσιν ἐγκρατὴς πέφυχ᾽ ὅδε. ** ''Danaё'' * Κείσθω δόρυ μοι μίτον ἀμφιπλέκειν ἀράχναις. <br> μετὰ δ᾽ ἡσυχίας πολιῷ γήρᾳ συνοικοίην· <br> ἀείδοιμι δὲ στεφάνοις κάρα πολιὸν στεφανώσας <br> Θρήικιον πέλταν πρὸς ᾿Αθάνας <br> περικίοσιν ἀγκρεμάσας θαλάμοις <br> δέλτων τ᾽ ἀναπτύσσοιμι γήρυν <br> ἂν σοφοὶ κλέονται. ** ''Erechtheus'' * Ἐγὼ πέφυκα γραμμάτων μὲν οὐκ ἴδρις, <br> μορφὰς δὲ λέξω καὶ σαφή τεκμήρια. <br> κύκλος τις ὡς τόρνοισιν ἐκμετρούμενος, <br> οὗτος δ᾽ ἔχει σημεῖον ἐν μέσῳ σαφές· <br> τὸ δεύτερον δὲ πρῶτα μὲν γραμμαὶ δύο, <br> ταύτας διείργει δ᾽ ἐν μέσαις ἄλλη μία· <br> τρίτον δὲ βόστρυχός τις ὣς εἱλιγμένος· <br> τὸ δ᾽ αὖ τέταρτον ἢ μὲν εἰς ὀρθὸν μία, <br> λοξαὶ δ᾽ ἐπ᾿ αὐτῆς τρεῖς κατεστηριγμέναι <br> εἰσίν· τὸ πέμπτον δ᾽ οὐκ ἐν εὐμαρεῖ φράσαι· <br> γραμμαὶ γάρ εἰσιν ἐκ διεστώτων δύο, <br> αὗται δὲ συντρέχουσιν εἰς μίαν βάσιν· <br> τὸ λοίσθιον δὲ τῷ τρίτῳ προσεμφερές. ** ''Theseus'' * ᾿Αλλ᾽ ἔστι δή τις ἄλλος ἐν βροτοῖς ἔρως <br> ψυχῆς δικαίας σώφρονός τε κάγαθῆς. <br> καὶ χρῆν δὲ τοῖς βροτοῖσι τόνδ' εἶναι νόμον <br> τῶν εὐσεβούντων οἵτινές τε σώφρονες <br> ἐρᾶν, Κύπριν δὲ τὴν Διὸς χαίρειν ἐᾶν. ** ''Theseus'' * Τοὺς ζῶντας εὖ δρᾶν· κατθανὼν δὲ πᾶς ἀνὴρ <br> γῆ καὶ σκιά· τὸ μηδὲν εἰς οὐδὲν ῥέπει. ** ''Meleager'' * Τίς δ᾽ οἶδεν εἰ τὸ ζῆν μέν ἐστι κατθανεῖν, <br> τὸ κατθανεῖν δὲ ζῆν κάτω νομίζεται; ** ''Polyidus'' * ῞Α γ' οὖν παραινώ, ταῦτά μου δέξαι, γύναι. <br> ἔφυ μὲν οὐδεὶς ὅστις οὐ πονεῖ βροτῶν, <br> θάπτει τε τέκνα χἅτερ᾽ αὖ κτᾶται νέα, <br> αὐτός τε θνῄσκει· καὶ τάδ᾽ ἄχθονται βροτοί, <br> εἰς γῆν φέροντες γῆν. ἀναγκαίως δ᾽ ἔχει <br> βίον θερίζειν ὥστε κάρπιμον στάχυν, <br> καὶ τὸν μὲν εἶναι, τὸν δὲ μή· τί ταῦτα δεῖ <br> στένειν, ἅπερ δεῖ κατὰ φύσιν διεκπερᾶν; <br> δεινὸν γὰρ οὐδὲν τῶν ἀναγκαίων βροτοῖς. ** No mortal born is free from suffering:— <br> He buries children, and begets him new,— <br> And also dies himself. And yet men grieve— <br> At bringing earth to earth! It is Fate’s will— <br> To reap Life’s harvest like the fruited ear,— <br> That one should be, one not. Where is there cause <br> For grief, when only ’tis the path of Nature? <br> '''Nothing is dread that Fate makes necessary.''' ** ''Hypsipyle'' (tr. [[Walter Headlam|W. G. Headlam]], 1910<!--Laurence Haward (ed.) ''Walter Headlam: His Letters and Poems, 1910)<!--''TGF'', ed. A. Nauck, p. 596, no. 797-->) ---- == [https://archive.org/details/poetsofferingfor00hale/page/22/mode/2up ''The Poet's Offering: for 1851''] == ;America * There is no other land like thee,<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;No dearer shore;<br>Thou art the shelter of the free,<br>The home, the port of liberty,<br>Thou hast been, and shalt ever be,<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Till time is o’er.<br>Ere I forget to think upon<br> My land, shall mother curse the son<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;She bore. ** Percival's Poems * Land of the forest and the rock,<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;Of dark blue lake and mighty river,<br>Of mountains reared on high to mock<br>The storm’s career and lightning’s shock,<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;My own green Land for ever!<br>Oh! never may a son of thine,<br>Where’er his wandering feet incline,<br>Forget the sky that bent above<br>His childhood like a dream of love! ** Whittier * I see the living tide roll on,<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;It crowns with fiery towers<br>The icy capes of Labrador,<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;The Spaniard’s "land of flowers!"<br>It streams beyond the splintered ridge<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;That parts the northern showers,<br>From eastern rock to sunset wave,<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;The Continent is ours. ** O. W. Holmes * America! the sound is like a sword<br>To smite th’ oppressor! like a loving word<br>To cheer the suffering people, while they pray<br>That God would hasten on the promised day,<br>When earth shall be like heaven, and men shall stand,<br>Like brothers round an altar, hand in hand.<br>O! ever thus, America, be strong,———<br>Like cataract’s thunder pour the Freeman’s song,<br>Till struggling Europe joins the grand refrain;<br>And startled Asia bursts the despot’s chain;<br>And Afric’s manumitted sons, from thee<br>To their own Father-land shall bear the song,<br>—Worth all their toils and tears—of Liberty:<br>For these good deeds, America, be strong! ** Mrs. Hale == Other == ;AMERICA * Our way of living together in America is a strong but delicate fabric. It is made up of many threads. It has been woven over many centuries by the patience and sacrifice of count-less liberty-loving men and women. It serves as a cloak for the protection of poor and rich, of black and white, of Jew and Gentile, of foreign and native born. Let us not tear it asunder. For no man knows, once it is destroyed, where or when man will find its protective warmth again. ** WENDELL L. WILLKIE: One World. * America is not a mere body of traders; it is a body of free men. Our greatness is built upon our freedom is moral, not material. We have a great ardor for gain; but we have a deep passion for the rights of man. ** WOODROW WILSON: Speech, New York City, January 29, 1911. * This is the only country in the world which experiences this constant and repeated re-birth. Other countries depend upon the multiplication of their own native people. This country is constantly drinking strength out of new sources by the voluntary association with it of great bodies of strong men and forward-looking women out of other lands. And so by the gift of the free will of in-dependent people it is being constantly renewed from generation to generation by the same process by which it was originally created. It is as if humanity had determined to see to it that this great nation, founded for the benefit of humanity, should not lack for the allegiance of the people of the world. ** WOODROW WILSON: Address, to American citizens of foreign birth. * I believe that we are lost here in America, but I believe we shall be found. And this belief, which mounts now to the catharsis of knowledge and conviction, is for me and I think for all of us not only our own hope, but America's everlasting, living dream. I think the life which we have fashioned in America, and which has fashioned us the forms we made, the cells that grew, the honeycomb that was created-was self-destructive in its nature, and must be destroyed. I think these forms are dying. and must die, just as I know that America and the people in it are deathless, undiscovered, and immortal, and must live. ** THOMAS WOLFE: You Can't Go Home Again, Harper & Bros., 1940. * I think the true discovery of America is before us. I think the true fulfillment of our spirit, of our people, of our mighty and immortal land, is yet to come. I think the true discovery of our own democracy is still before us. And I think that all these things are certain as the morning, as inevitable as noon. I think I speak for most men living when I say that our America is Here, is Now, and beckons us, and that this glorious assurance is not only our living hope, but our dream to be accomplished. ** THOMAS WOLFE: You Can't Go Home Again * Go, seeker, if you will, throughout the land and you will find us burning in the night To every man his chance, to every man, regardless of his birth, his shining golden opportunity to every man the right to live, to work, to be himself, and to become what-ever thing his manhood and his vision can combine to make him--this, seeker, is the promise of America. ** THOMAS WOLFE: You Can't Go Home Again ;AMERICAN, AMERICANS * The American mind had less respect for money than the European or Asiatic mind shunned, distrusted, disliked, the dangerous attractions of ideals, and stood alone in history for its ignorance of the past. ** HENRY BROOKS ADAMS: The Education of Henry Adams. * They (Americans) must win gold, predominance, power, crush rivals, subdue nature. They have their hearts set on the means and never... think of the end They are eager, restless, positive, because they are superficial. To what end all this stir, noise, greed, struggle? ** HENRI FREDERIC AMIEL: Journal. * There is nothing the matter with Americans except their ideals. The real American is all right; it is the ideal American who is all wrong. ** G. K. CHESTERTON: N.Y. Times, February 1, 1931. * Physically Americans were pioneers; in the realm of social and economic institutions, too, their tradition has been one of pioneering. From the beginning, intellectual and spiritual diversity has been as characteristic of America as racial and linguistic diversity. From the beginning Americans have known that there were new worlds to conquer, new truths to be discovered. Every effort to confine Americanism to a single pattern, to constrain it to a single formula, is disloyalty to everything that is valid in Americanism. ** HENRY STEELE COMMAGER: Freedom, Loyalty, Dissent. * There is at least one generation of Americans growing up that not only does not have much respect for diversity of opinion but doesn't know what it is. It is only a step to believing that what is strange or unreported by fifty newspapers is somehow mischievous or "un-American." Once every man reads the same things as his neighbor, and thinks the same thought, the common man is here with a vengeance: that is to say, the mass bigot. ** ALISTAIR COOKE: The Saturday Review. * Closely related to ignorance and inertia, but even more powerful in its influence against complete and impartial truth-telling by newspapers, is fear. Fear is a characteristic not sim-ply of newspapers; it is a characteristic of the American people. It is not a physical fear; Americans have shown courage and endurance times without number. It is rather an intellectual and spiritual fear, based on nothing tangible, on nothing which affords a reasonable basis for fear. It takes most conspicuously the form of fear of and deference to the herd, the whole body of people within the nation. ** NELSON ANTRIM CRAWFORD: The Ethics of Journalism. * He is an American, who, leaving behind him all his ancient prejudices and manners, receives new ones from the new mode of life he has embraced, the new government he obeys, and the new rank he holds. He becomes an American by being received in the broad lap of our great Alma Mater. Here individuals of all nations are melted into a new race of men, whose labors and posterity will one day cause great changes in the world. ** J. HECTOR ST. JOHN DE CREVECOEUR: Letters from an American Farmer, 1782. * The American is a new man, who acts upon new principles; he must therefore entertain new ideas, and form new opinions. From involuntary idleness, ser vile dependence, penury, and useless labor, he has passed to toils of a very different nature, rewarded by ample subsistence.--This is an American. ** J. HECTOR ST. JOHN DE CREVECOEUR: Letters from an American Farmer, 1782. * If all that Americans want is security they can go to prison. They'll have enough to eat, a bed and a roof over their heads, But if an American wants to preserve his dignity and his equality as a human being, he must not bow his neck to any dictatorial government. ** DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER: Speech, Galveston, December, 1949. * They (the founders) pro-claimed to all the world the revolutionary doctrine of the divine rights of the common man. That doctrine has ever since been the heart of the American faith. ** DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER: Address, Columbia University bicentennial dinner, May 31, 1954. * The Americans have many virtues, but they have no Faith and Hope. I know no two words whose meaning is more lost sight of. We use these words as if they were as obsolete as Selah and Amen. The Americans have no faith. They rely on the power of the dollar, they are deaf to a sentiment. They think you may talk the north wind down as easily as raise society; and no class more faithless than the scholars or intellectual men. ** RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The Reformer, lecture, Boston, January 25, 1841. * For almost a century the modern American reformer has been the gadfly and the con-science, to a large extent the heart and the mind, of the only nation in man's history which has dared to live by the credo that any individual's rendezvous with his destiny is a rendezvous with a better to morrow. ** ERIC F. GOLDMAN: Rendezvous With Destiny, p. 461, Knopf, 1952. * If there is one general judgment that will hold about the American public it is that it is lacking in the fundamental seri-ousness of outlook necessary to the working of a true democra cy, that it is extremely juvenile, not to say infantile, in its attitudes. ** FERDINAND LUNDBERG * The American Animal is nothing but the big Honest Majority, that you might find in any country. He is no politician, he is not a 100% American, he is not any organization, either uplift or downfall ... In fact, all I can find out about him is that he is just normal ... This normal breed is so far in the majority that there is no use to worry about the others. They are a lot of mavericks and strays. ** WILL ROGERS: Quoted in N. Y. Times. * How is it that the American, once he has attained his majority, appears to us as the perfect conformist. It is, perhaps, because he has exhausted during his childhood and adolescence practically all his indiscipline and anarchy, so that he has no difficulty later in life in integrating himself into a collective society, which he himself fully accepts. ** ANDRÉ SIEGFRIED: America at Mid-Century, Harcourt, 1955. * The American has dwindled into an Odd Fellow-one who may be known by the development of his organ of gregariousness, and a manifest lack of intellect and cheerful self-reliance. ** HENRY DAVID THOREAU: On the Duty of Civil Disobedience, 1849. * Americans are so enamored of equality that they would rather be equal in slavery than unequal in freedom. ** ALEXIS DE TOCQUEVILLE: Democracy in America. * When even one American--who has done nothing wrong--is forced by fear to shut his mind and close his mouth, then all Americans are in peril. ** HARRY S TRUMAN: N. Y. Times Magazine. * (An Englishman is) a person who does things because they have been done before. (An American is) a person who does things because they haven't been done before. ** MARK TWAIN * Most Americans want to be cultivated, but only comfortably cultivated. They dabble with the intellectual just enough to avoid being lowbrow and escape being highbrow. Middle-browism looks like cultivation because it is so clearly superior to vulgarity, but to be satisfied with it is to make the good the enemy of the best. It merely dresses and domesticates the commonplace. ** ALAN VALENTINE: The Age of Conformity, Regnery. * When honored and decrepit age shall lean against the base of this monument, and troops of ingenuous youth shall be gathered round it, and when the one shall speak to the other of its objects, the purposes of its construction, and the great and glorious events with which it is connected, there shall rise from every youthful breast the ejaculation, "Thank God, I--I also--AM AN AMERICAN!" ** DANIEL WEBSTER: Address, completion of Bunker Hill Monument, June 17, 1843. * The great trouble with you Americans is that you are still under the influence of that second-rate--shall I say third-rate?--mind, Karl Marx. ** H. G. WELLS: Statement to Sinclair Lewis, Dorothy Thompson, Kyle Crichton, H. and G. Seldes, Bronxville, N. Y., 1935. * I shall know but one country. The ends I aim at shall be my country's, my God's, and Truth's. I was born an American; I live an American; I shall die an American. ** DANIEL WEBSTER: Speech, July 17, 1850. * This great American people is at bottom just, virtuous, and hopeful; the roots of its being are in the soil of what is lovely, pure, and of good report, and the need of the hour is just that radicalism that will clear a way for the realization of the aspirations of a sturdy race. ** WOODROW WILSON: 1912-13 Speeches; The New Freedom, Doubleday & Co., 1913. ; AMERICANISM * The American system of ours, call it Americanism, call it Capitalism, call it what you like, gives each and every one of us a great opportunity if we only seize it with both hands and make the most of it. ** AL CAPONE: 1929 interview, quoted by Claud Cockburn, In Time of Trouble, 1956. * My rackets are run on strictly American lines and they're going to stay that way. ** AL CAPONE: 1929 interview, quoted by Claud Cockburn, In Time of Trouble, 1956. * For God and Country, we associate ourselves together for the following purposes: To up-hold and defend the Constitution of the United States of America; to maintain law and order; to foster and perpetuate a one hundred per cent Americanism; to preserve the memories and incidents of our associations in the Great War: to inculcate a sense of individual obligation to the community, state and nation; to combat the autocracy of both the classes and the masses; to make right the master of might; to pro-mote peace and good will on earth; to safeguard and transmit to posterity the principles of justice, freedom and democracy; to consecrate and sanctify our comradeship by our devotion to mutual helpfulness. ** AMERICAN LEGION: Preamble to its Constitution. * If Americanism means any-thing, it means free speech, right from the start. The Pilgrims came to Massachusetts to get it, and Roger Williams left Massachusetts, not only because he had his own religious views but because he attacked prop-erty rights in land not purchased from the Indians. Thomas Jefferson is usually considered a good American, but he said things about the desirability of rebellion that would make us all shudder. Alexander Hamilton argued for free speech here in New York, and James Russell Lowell called the Mexican War murder. The abolitionists, men whom we all honor today, believed in Ameri canism freedom to criticize the government of their day and the institutions of property--the property in Negro slaves. I believe in private property myself, but because I believe in it I want to know why it ought to be supported. ** ZECHARIAH CHAFEE, JR. * A truly American sentiment recognizes the dignity of labor and the fact that honor lies in honest toil. ** GROVER CLEVELAND * It is a gross perversion not only of the concept of loyalty but of the concept of Americanism to identify it with a particular economic system. ** HENRY STRELE COMMAGER: Freedom, Loyalty, Dissent. * With the Sedition and Espionage Acts the "red hysteria" of the Twenties, the Alien Registration Act of 1940, the loyalty tests and purges of the mid-Forties, the establishment of un-American Activities Committees, intolerance received, as it were, the stamp of official approval. Loyalty was identified with conformity, and the American genius, which had been experimental and even rebellious, was required to conform to a pattern. ** HENRY STRELE COMMAGER: The American Mind, 1950. * The American ideal was stated by Emerson in his essay on Politics. "A man has a right to be employed, to be trusted, to be loved, to be revered." It does many men little good to stay alive alive and free and proper-tied, if they cannot work. ** WILLIAM O. DOUGLAS: Dissent, Barsky v. Regents, April 26, 1954. * The strongest phases of our new American philosophy are the desire for enormous business, more wealth and less liberty, more despotism and less freedom of education, which al-ways accompanies the absolute rule of the few. ** THEODORE DREISER: Tragic America. * I hate this shallow Americanism which hopes to get rich by credit, to get knowledge by raps on midnight tables, to learn the economy of the mind by phrenology, or skill without study, or mastery without apprenticeship. ** RALPH WALDO EMERSON: Self-Reliance. * This Was the American Dream: a sanctuary on the earth for individual man: a condition in which he could be free not only of the old established closed-corporation hierarchies of arbitrary power which had oppressed him as a masa, but free of that mass in to which the hierarchies of church and state had compressed and held him individually thralled and individually impotent. ** WILLIAM FAULKNER: On Privacy, Harper's Magazine, July, 1955. * O, let my land be a land where Liberty <br> Is crowned with no false patriotic wreath, <br> But opportunity is real, and life is free, <br> Equality is in the air we breathe. <br> (There's never been equality for me, <br> Nor freedom in this "homeland of the free.") ** LANGSTON HUGHES: Let America Be America Again. * I am the poor white, fooled and pushed apart, <br> I am the Negro bearing slavery's scars, <br> I am the Red man driven from the land, <br> I am the immigrant clutching the hope I seek-- <br> And finding only the same old stupid plan <br> Of dog eat dog, of mighty crush the weak. ** LANGSTON HUGHES: Let America Be America Again. * O, yes, <br> I say it plain, <br> America never was America to me. <br> And yet I swear this oath-- <br> America will be! ** LANGSTON HUGHES: Let America Be America Again. * To control the American market is to own America. ** ROBERT M. LA FOLLETTE, Sr.: Fooling the People as a Fine Art. La Follette's Magazine, April, 1918. * American democracy must be a failure because it places the supreme authority in the hands of the poorest and most is-norant part of society. In En-gland there is plenty of grum-bling in bad years, and some-times a little rioting, but it matters little, for here the suf-ferers are not the rulers. The supreme power is in the hands of a select class, deeply inter-ested in the security of property and the maintenance of order. <br> Accordingly, the malcontents are firmly restrained. The bad time is got over without rob-bing the wealthy to relieve the indigent. ** THOMAS BABINGTON MACAULAY: Quoted by F. D. Roosevelt, August, 1937. * That the people have an original right to establish for their future government, such principles as, in their opinion, shall most conduce to their own happiness, is the basis in which the whole American fab-ric has been erected. ** JOHN MARSHALL: Marbury v. Madison, 1 Cranch 137, 1803. * The Working Men of Europe feel sure that as the American War of Independence initiated a new era of ascendency for the Middle Class, so the American Anti-Slavery War will do for the Working Classes. They con-sider it an earnest of the epoch to come that it fell to the lot of Abraham Lincoln, the single-minded Son of the Working Class, to lead his Country through the matchless struggle for the rescue of the enchained Race and the Reconstruction of a Social World. ** KARL MARX: Letter to Lincoln, November 29, 1865. * We Americans are the peculiar, chosen people the Israel of our time we bear the ark of liberties of the world. ** HERMAN MELVILLE: White Jacket. * We are the pioneers of the world; the advance guard sent on through the wilderness of untried things to break a new path in the New World that is ours. In our youth is our strength; in our inexperience, our wisdom. ** HERMAN MELVILLE: White Jacket. * We talk about the American Dream, and want to tell the world about the American Dream, but what is that dream, in most cases, but the dream of material things? I sometimes think that the United States for this reason, is the greatest failure the world has ever seen. ** EUGENE O'NEILL: Give Me Liberty and... (unpublished play). * Americanism is a question of principle, of purpose, of Ideal ism. of Character; it is not a matter of birthplace or creed or line of descent. ** THEODORE ROOSEVELT: Address, Washington, D. C., 1909. * There is no room in this country for hyphenated Americanism. ** THEODORE ROOSEVELT: 1915. * Everything is un-American that tends either to government by a plutocracy or government by a mob. ** THEODORE ROOSEVELT: 1917; Hagedorn. * To divide along the lines of section or caste or creed is un-American. ** THEODORE ROOSEVELT: 1917; Hagedorn. * All privileges based on wealth, and all enmity to honest men merely because they are wealthy, are un-American. ** THEODORE ROOSEVELT: 1917; Hagedorn. * If I were asked to name the three influences which I thought were most dangerous to the perpetuity of American institutions, I should name corruption, in business and politics alike; lawless violence; and mendacity, especially used in connection with slander. <br> We Americans are children of the crucible. <br> Americanism means the virtues of courage, honor, justice, truth, sincerity and hardihood--the virtues that made America. The things that will destroy America are prosperity-at-any-price, peace-at-any-price, safety first instead of duty-first, the love of soft living and the get-rich-quick theory of life. ** THEODORE ROOSEVELT: Time, March 3, 1958 (100th anniversary). ---- == Miscellaneous == * Progress whence and to what? We talk of progress because by an ingenious application of some scientific acquirements we have established a state of society which mistakes comfort for civilisation. ** [[Benjamin Disraeli]], quoted in G. E. Comerford Casey, [https://archive.org/details/broadchurchmanca00lond/page/104/mode/2up ''The Broad Churchman: A Catechism of Christian Pantheism''] (London: Swan Sonnenschein & Co., 1891), p. 104 * ? ** ? ---- == [[C. FitzSimons Allison]] == * Whan Costantyn of curteysye holykirke dowed <br> With londes and ledes lordeshipes and rentes, <br> An angel men herde an heigh at Rome crye, <br> "''Dos ecclesie'' this day hath ydronke venym, <br> And tho that han Petres powere arn apoysoned alle." ** When Constantine out of generosity endowed the Church <br> With lands and subjects, estates and rents, <br> Men heard an angel cry high above Rome, <br> "This day the true wealth of the Church has drunk venom <br> And those who have Peter's power are all poisoned." ** [[William Langland]], ''Piers Plowman'', bk. 15, ll. 519–23 ** Pietro Cali, [https://archive.org/details/allegoryvisionin0000piet/page/150/mode/2up?q=%22church+has+drunk+venom%22 ''Allegory and Vision in Dante and Langland''] (Cork UP, 1971), p. 150 ---- == Images to caption == [[File:Lewis Hine Power house mechanic working on steam pump.jpg|thumb|]] * ? ** ?? == [[Colonial history of the United States]] == [[File:Mulberry Street NYC c1900 LOC 3g04637u edit.jpg|thumb|]] * &nbsp;&nbsp; Behold! they come—those sainted forms, </br> &nbsp;&nbsp; Unshaken through the strife of storms; </br> &nbsp;&nbsp; Heaven's winter cloud hangs coldly down, </br> &nbsp;&nbsp; And earth puts on its rudest frown; </br> &nbsp;&nbsp; But colder, ruder was the hand, </br> &nbsp;&nbsp; That drove them from their own fair land, </br> Their own fair land—refinement's chosen seat, </br> Art's trophied dwelling, learning's green retreat; </br> By valour guarded, and by victory crowned, </br> For all, but gentle charity, renowned. </br> &nbsp;&nbsp; With streaming eye, yet steadfast heart, </br> &nbsp;&nbsp; Even from that land they dared to part, </br> &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; And burst each tender tie; </br> &nbsp;&nbsp; Haunts, where their sunny youth was passed, </br> &nbsp;&nbsp; Homes, where they fondly hoped at last </br> &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; In peaceful age to die; </br> &nbsp;&nbsp; Friends, kindred, comfort, all they spurned— </br> &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; Their fathers' hallowed graves; </br> &nbsp;&nbsp; And to a world of darkness turned, </br> &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; Beyond a world of waves. ** [[Charles Sprague]], [https://archive.org/details/anodepronounced02spragoog/page/n90/mode/2up ''An Ode: Pronounced before the Inhabitants of Boston, September 17, 1830, at the Centennial Celebration of the Founding of the City''] (Boston: John H. Eastburn, 1830), st. 3 * Our fathers have been ridiculed as an uncouth and uncourtly generation. And truly, it must be admitted that they were not as expert in the graces of dress, and the etiquette of the drawing-room, as some of their descendants. But neither could these have felled the trees, nor guided the plough, nor spread the sail which they did; nor braved the dangers of Indian warfare, nor displayed the wisdom in counsel which our fathers displayed. And had none stepped upon the Plymouth rock but such effeminate critics as these, the poor natives never would have mourned the wilderness lost, but would have brushed them from the land as they would brush the puny insect from their face; the Pequods would have slept in safety that night which was their last, and no intrepid Mason had hung upon their rear, and driven into exile the panic-struck fugitives. ** [[Lyman Beecher]], [https://archive.org/details/sermonaddressedt00beeciala/mode/2up ''Sermon, Addressed to the Legislature of Connecticut; at New-Haven, on the Day of the Anniversary Election, May 2, 1826''] (New-Haven, 1826) — [https://archive.org/details/sermonsdelivere00beecgoog/mode/2up ''Sermons Delivered on Various Occasions''] (Boston: T. R. Marvin, 1828), p. 207 ---- == More == * Of course, America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up. ~ Oscar Wilde * It is absurd to say that there are neither ruins nor curiosities in America when they have their mothers and their manners. ~ Oscar Wilde * Perhaps, after all, America never has been discovered. I myself would say that it had merely been detected. ~ Oscar Wilde * It is only in the upper-class level that each husband sits next to the other man’s wife. ~ Louis Kronenberger * The United States never lost a war or won a conference. ~ Will Rogers * No one ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public. ~ H L Mencken * America is a young country with an old mentality. ~ George Santayana * Some Americans need hyphens in their name because only part of them has come over. ~ Woodrow Wilson * The French look exactly like French, the faces of Dutchmen are Dutch, Danes look like Danes and Egyptians look very Canalish. Americans have a sad countenance. They probably look like this because they developed catarrh when they landed on Plymouth Rock. ~ Sir Alfred Richardson * The Americans, like the English probably make love worse than any other race. ~ Walt Whitman * The 100 percent American is 99 percent an idiot. ~ George Bernard Shaw ---- == [[Anonymous]] == * The silver swan, who living had no note, </br> When death approached unlocked her silent throat; </br> Leaning her breast against the reedy shore, </br> Thus sung her first and last, and sung no more: </br> Farewell, all joys; O death, come close mine eyes; </br> More geese than swans now live, more fools than wise. ** From [[w:Orlando Gibbons|Orlando Gibbons]], ''The First Set of Madrigals and Motets of Five Parts'' (1612), pt. 1 ** [[Swan song]] * Add more anonymous English lyrics... ---- * Yesterday, December 7, 1941—a date which will live on in infamy—the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately [[w:Attack on Pearl Harbor|attacked]] by naval and air forces of the Empire of Japan. ** [[Franklin D. Roosevelt]], Address to Congress (December 8, 1941)<!--''Public Papers'' (1950), vol. 10, p. 514--> * If [[Japan|they]] do not now accept our terms they may expect a [[Nuclear war|rain of ruin]] from the air, the like of which has never been seen on this earth. ** [[Harry S. Truman]], White House Press Release Announcing the Bombing of Hiroshima (August 6, 1945); this announcement was based largely on a draft of July 31, by Secretary of War [[Henry L. Stimson]] ---- * ? ** ? ---- [[File:"I'll paint the town red", political cartoon, 1885.jpg|thumb|]] ;[[Politics of the United States]] * {{smallcaps|Alien}}, ''n.'' An American sovereign in his probationary state. * {{smallcaps|Alligator}}, ''n.'' The crocodile of America, superior in every detail to the crocodile of the effete monarchies of the Old World. Herodotus says the Indus is, with one exception, the only river that produces crocodiles, but they appear to have gone West and grown up with the other rivers. * {{smallcaps|Consul}}, ''n.'' In American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country. * {{smallcaps|Dejeuner}}, ''n.'' The breakfast of an American who has been in Paris. Variously pronounced. * {{smallcaps|Delegation}}, ''n.'' In American politics, an article of merchandise that comes in sets. * {{smallcaps|Dullard}}, ''n.'' Since a detachment of Dullards came over with the Pilgrims in the ''Mayflower'' and made a favorable report of the country, their increase by birth, immigration, and conversion has been rapid and steady. According to the most trustworthy statistics the number of adult Dullards in the United States is but little short of thirty millions, including the statisticians. The intellectual centre of the race is somewhere about Peoria, Illinois, but the New England Dullard is the most shockingly moral. * {{smallcaps|Finance}}, ''n.'' The pronunciation of this word with the ''i'' long and the accent on the first syllable is one of America's most precious discoveries and possessions. * {{smallcaps|Grapeshot}}, ''n.'' An argument which the future is preparing in answer to the demands of American Socialism. * {{smallcaps|Hangman}}, ''n.'' An officer of the law charged with duties of the highest dignity and utmost gravity, and held in hereditary disesteem by a populace having a criminal ancestry. In some of the American States his functions are now performed by an electrician, as in New Jersey, where executions by electricity have recently been ordered—the first instance known to this lexicographer of anybody questioning the expediency of hanging Jerseymen. * {{smallcaps|Introduction}}, ''n.'' Every American being the equal of every other American, it follows that everybody has the right to know everybody else, which implies the right to introduce without request or permission. The Declaration of Independence should have read thus: *: <small>We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights; that among these are life, and the right to make that of another miserable by thrusting upon him an incalculable quantity of acquaintances; liberty, particularly the liberty to introduce persons to one another without first ascertaining if they are not already acquainted as enemies; and the pursuit of another's happiness with a running pack of strangers.</small> * {{smallcaps|Lord}}, ''n.'' In American society, an English tourist above the state of a costermonger, as, lord 'Aberdasher, Lord Hartisan and so forth. The traveling Briton of lesser degree is addressed as "Sir," as, Sir 'Arry Donkiboi, or 'Amstead 'Eath. * {{smallcaps|Mustang}}, ''n.'' An indocile horse of the western plains. In English society, the American wife of an English nobleman. * {{smallcaps|Negro}}, ''n.'' The ''pièce de résistance'' in the American political problem. Representing him by the letter ''n'', the Republicans begin to build their equation thus: "Let ''n'' = the white man." This, however, appears to give an unsatisfactory solution. * {{smallcaps|Pickaninny}}, ''n.'' The young of the ''Procyanthropos'', or ''Americanus dominans''. It is small, black and charged with political fatalities. * {{smallcaps|Presidency}}, ''n.'' The greased pig in the field game of American politics. * {{smallcaps|President}}, ''n.'' The leading figure in a small group of men of whom—and of whom only—it is positively known that immense numbers of their countrymen did not want any of them for President. * {{smallcaps|Red-skin}}, ''n.'' A North American Indian, whose skin is not red—at least not on the outside. * {{smallcaps|Ramshackle}}, adj. Pertaining to a certain order of architecture, otherwise known as the Normal American. Most of the public buildings of the United States are of the Ramshackle order, though some of our earlier architects preferred the Ironic. Recent additions to the White House in Washington are Theo-Doric, the ecclesiastic order of the Dorians. They are exceedingly fine and cost one hundred dollars a brick. * {{smallcaps|Rear}}, ''n.'' In American military matters, that exposed part of the army that is nearest to Congress. * {{smallcaps|Recount}}, ''n.'' In American politics, another throw of the dice, accorded to the player against whom they are loaded. * {{smallcaps|Resplendent}}, ''adj.'' Like a simple American citizen beduking himself in his lodge, or affirming his consequence in the Scheme of Things as an elemental unit of a parade. * {{smallcaps|Revolution}}, ''n.'' Specifically, in American history, the substitution of the rule of an Administration for that of a Ministry, whereby the welfare and happiness of the people were advanced a full half-inch. * {{smallcaps|Rostrum}}, ''n.'' In Latin, the beak of a bird or the prow of a ship. In America, a place from which a candidate for office energetically expounds the wisdom, virtue and power of the rabble. * {{smallcaps|Sheriff}}, ''n.'' In America the chief executive officer of a county, whose most characteristic duties, in some of the Western and Southern States, are the catching and hanging of rogues. * {{smallcaps|Trust}}, ''n.'' In American politics, a large corporation composed in greater part of thrifty working men, widows of small means, orphans in the care of guardians and the courts, with many similar malefactors and public enemies. * {{smallcaps|Un-American}}, ''adj.'' Wicked, intolerable, heathenish. * {{smallcaps|Wit}}, ''n.'' The salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out. * {{smallcaps|Yankee}}, ''n.'' In Europe, an American. In the [[w:Northern United States|Northern States]] of our Union, a [[w:New Englander|New Englander]]. In the [[w:Southern United States|Southern States]] the word is unknown. (See {{smallcaps|Damnyank}}) * {{smallcaps|Zeus}}, ''n.'' The chief of Grecian gods, adored by the Romans as Jupiter and by the modern Americans as God, Gold, Mob and Dog. Some explorers who have touched upon the shores of America, and one who professes to have penetrated a considerable distance to the interior, have thought that these four names stand for as many distinct deities, but in his monumental work on Surviving Faiths, Frumpp insists that the natives are monotheists, each having no other god than himself, whom he worships under many sacred names. ** [[Ambrose Bierce]], [[w:The Devil's Dictionary|''The Devil's Dictionary'']] (1911) ;[[Women in the United States]] * {{smallcaps|Limb}}, ''n.'' The branch of a tree or the leg of an American woman. * {{smallcaps|Mustang}}, ''n.'' An indocile horse of the western plains. In English society, the American wife of an English nobleman. * {{smallcaps|Woman}}, n. The woman is lithe and graceful in its movement, especially the American variety (''felis pugnans''). ---- * The stockings in holes, the worn-out shoes, the lace in rags, the straggling hair, the sad masks, the notched plates—all made a picture of sumptuous misery hard to be described. ** [[Giacomo Casanova]], [[w:Histoire de ma vie|''Mémoires'']] (tr. 1894, [https://archive.org/details/dli.ministry.17013/E13759_The_Memoirs_of_Jacques_Casanova_vol_VIII/page/281/mode/2up vol. 4], p. 282 ** Cf. [[John W. Gardner]], ''No Easy Victories'', ed. Helen Rowan (1968), p. 57: **: More and more Americans feel threatened by runaway technology, by large-scale organization, by overcrowding. More and more Americans are appalled by the ravages of industrial progress, by the defacement of nature, by man-made ugliness. If our society continues at its present rate to become less livable as it becomes more affluent, we promise all to end up in sumptuous misery. ** LOOK FOR SOURCE OF THE PHRASE "SUMPTUOUS MISERY" ---- * Humans exist only to consume </br> We the living have entered a tomb </br> Machines are this world's best </br> So humans are purchased to do the rest. ** [[Anonymous]]. Reported in [[William O. Douglas]], [https://archive.org/details/pointsofrebillio00doug/page/32/mode/2up ''Points of Rebellion''] (1970), p. 33 ---- * Mark ruffian Violence, distain'd with crimes, </br> Rousing elate in these degenerate times; </br> View unsuspecting Innocence a prey, </br> As guileful Fraud points out the erring way; </br> With subtle Litigation's pliant tongue </br> The life-blood equal sucks of Right and Wrong; </br> Hark, injured Want recounts the unlisten'd tale, </br> And much-wrong'd Misery pours the unpitied wail. ** [[Robert Burns]], "On the Death of Robert Dundas, Esq., of Arniston", in Alan Cunningham (ed.) ''Works, with His Life'', new ed. (Boston: Hilliard, Gray & Co., 1834), [https://archive.org/details/worksofrobertbur02inburn/page/20/mode/2up vol. 2], p. 20 [https://archive.org/details/poeticalquotatio00alliuoft/page/662/mode/2up?q=women] ---- [[File:Jo Davidson carving a sculpture of Dolores (Mrs. Tudor Wilkinson).jpg|thumb|It's simple. I just remove everything that is ''not'' David. ~ [[Michelangelo]]]] * ... a peculiar anthologic maze, an amusing literary chaos, a farrago of quotations, a mere ''olla podrida'' of quaintness, a ''pot pourri'' of pleasant ''delites'', a ''florilegium'' of elegant extracts, a tangled fardel of old-world flowers of thought, a faggot of odd fancies, quips, ''facetiæ'', loosely tied... ** [[Holbrook Jackson]] * I am the worm who never turned, </br> &nbsp;&nbsp; The eunuch without a harem; </br> Between the priest and the commissar </br> &nbsp;&nbsp; I walk like Eugene Aram. ** [[George Orwell]] * Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats. ** [[H. L. Mencken]] ---- ;[[Women]] * Women can’t forgive failure. ** [[Anton Chekov]], ''The Seagull'' (1896), act 2 * If women could be fair and yet not fond. ** [[Edward de Vere, 17th Earl of Oxford]], "Women's Changeableness" ---- ;More work needed * ''L’extension des priviléges des femmes est le principe gènèral de tous progrés sociaux.'' ** ? ** [[Charles Fourier]], ''Thèorie des Quatre Mouvements'' (1808) vol. 2, ch. 4 * His sayings are generally like women’s letters; all the pith is in the postscript. ** [[William Hazlitt], on [[Charles Lamb]] ---- * ''J'ai vu des arbres que ne retrouverait aucun botaniste, des animaux que [[Georges Cuvier|Cuvier]] n'a jamais soupconnes et des hommes que vous seul avez pu creer.'' ** [[August Strindberg]] writing to [[Paul Gauguin]], as quoted in [[Henry Miller]], [[w:Tropic of Cancer (novel)|''Tropic of Cancer'']] (1934) ---- * The fundamental situation, whether it deserves to be called ambiguous or not, is that a word or a grammatical structure is effective in several ways at once. To take a famous example, there is no pun, double syntax, or dubiety of feeling, in </br> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Bare ruined choirs, where late the sweet birds sang, </br> but the comparison holds for many reasons; because ruined monastery choirs are places in which to sing, becauce they involve sitting in a row, because they are made of wood, are carved into knots and so forth, because they used to be surrounded by a sheltering building crystallised out of the likeness of a forest, and coloured with stained glass and painting like flowers and leaves, because they are now abandoned by all but the grey walls coloured like the skies of winter, because the cold and Narcissistic charm suggested by choir-boys suits well with Shakespeare’s feeling for the object of the Sonnets, and for various sociological and historical reasons (the protestant destruction of monasteries; fear of puritanism), which it would be hard now to trace out in their proportions; these reasons, and many more relating the simile to its place in the Sonnet, must all combine to give the line its beauty, and there is a sort of ambiguity in not knowing which of them to hold most clearly in mind. Clearly this is involved in all such richness and heightening of effect, and the machinations of ambiguity are among the very roots of poetry. ** [[William Empson]], ''Seven Types of Ambiguity'', 2nd ed. (1947), ch. 1 ---- == [[United States]] == [[File:Grant Wood - American Gothic - Google Art Project.jpg|thumb|]] * We have shared the incommunicable experience of war, we have felt, we still feel, the passion of life to its top. In our youth our hearts were touched with fire. ** [[Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.]] * [W]hence shall we expect the approach of danger? Shall some trans-Atlantic giant step the earth and crush us at a blow? Never. All the armies of Europe and Asia... could not by force take a drink from the Ohio River or make a track on the Blue Ridge in the trial of a thousand years. No, if destruction be our lot we must ourselves be its author and finisher. As a nation of free men we will live forever or die by suicide. ** [[Abraham Lincoln]] (1837) * In thinking of America, I sometimes find myself admiring her bright blue sky — her grand old woods — her fertile fields — her beautiful rivers — her mighty lakes, and star-crowned mountains. But my rapture is soon checked, ... [w]hen I remember that all is cursed with the infernal actions of slaveholding, robbery and wrong, — when I remember that with the waters of her noblest rivers, the tears of my brethren are borne to the ocean, disregarded and forgotten, and that her most fertile fields drink daily of the warm blood of my outraged sisters, I am filled with unutterable loathing. ** [[Frederick Douglass]] * No day ever dawns for the slave, nor is it looked for. For the slave it is all night — all night forever. ** A freed black man * I'd ruther be dead than be a nigger on one of these big plantations. ** A white Mississippian * You know what I’d rather do? If I thought… had any idea that I’d ever be a slave again, I’d take a gun and just end it all right away! Because you’re nothing but a dog. You’re not a thing but a dog! Night never come without you had nothing to do. Time to cut tobacco... if they want you to cut all night long out in the field you cut. And if they want you to hang all night long, you hang…hang tobacco. It didn’t matter about your tired…being tired. You’re afraid to say you’re tired. They just... well... ** Fountain Hughes [https://libwww.freelibrary.org/blog/post/1873] * There was never a moment during this time when the slavery issue was not a sleeping serpent. That issue lay coiled up under the table during the deliberations of the Constitutional Convention in 1787. It was, owing to the invention of the cotton gin, more than half awake at the time of the Louisiana Purchase in 1803; and slavery was continued in the Louisiana Territory by the terms of the treaty. Thereafter slavery was always in everyone's ''mind'', though not always on his tongue. ** John Jay Chapman [https://www.perseus.tufts.edu/hopper/text?doc=Perseus%3Atext%3A2001.05.0158%3Achapter%3D3] * South Carolina is too small for a republic, but too large for an insane asylum. ** James L. Petigru * The bird of our country is a debilitated chicken, disguised in eagle feathers. We have never been a nation. We are only an aggregate of states, ready to fall apart at the first serious shock. ** George Templeton Strong * All the past we leave behind at Sumter. ** [[Walt Whitman]] ---- * O dearer than the daylight to thy sister, wilt thou waste, sad and alone, all thy length of youth, and know not the sweetness of motherhood, nor love’s bounty? Deemest thou the ashes care for that, or the ghost within the tomb? ** [[Virgil]], ''[[Aeneid]]'', IV (tr. [[John William Mackail]]) ** [https://archive.org/details/bub_gb_XooOAAAAQAAJ/page/n79/mode/2up?q=%22ghost+within+the+tomb%22] [https://allpoetry.com/John-William-Mackail]; "the ghost within the tomb" ---- === [[History of Australia]] === * Namaaraalee is highest, he made it all, </br> We must keep those ways he pointed out. * At its own Wunger place </br> A spirit waits for birth. ** Recounted by Sam Woolagoodjah, elder of the [[w:Worrorra|Worrorra]] people of the [[w:Kimberley (Western Australia)|Kimberley]]. Tr. Andrew Huntley from the prose version of Michael Silverstein. Reported in ''The New Oxford Book of Australian Verse'' (1986), p. 1 * Generally young, shallow-brained fellows, proud of their uniform, treating the diggers overbearingly, and bringing down invectives upon the Government through its servants. ** Mrs Andrew Campbell, wife of the Ballarat police magistrate; Lawrence L. Sharkey, ''Australia Marches On'' (Sydney: New South Wales Legal Rights Committee, 1942), p. 282 * But with all its golden advantages, Australia has yet greater for the emigrant who prefers the comforts and decencies of life to bartering his soul for gold. In Australia, as elsewhere, Mammon carries his curse with him, and his worshippers must partake of it. Drunkenness, debauchery, crime, and immorality, in every shape, are the characteristics of such a society as is now gathering in the gold districts. There are thousands of respectable families in England whose interest it would be to emigrate, but who would not encounter such a condition for all the gold Australia contains. ** George Butler Earp, ''The Gold Colonies of Australia, and Gold Seeker’s Manual'' (London: George Routledge, 1853), p. 2 * Thank God there is some prospect of a cessation of the cursed gold seeking for some time owing to the creeks becoming dry. The rascals can’t wash [gold] without water ... It is really ludicrous to see the feeling of indifference (not to say contempt) with which everything appertaining to squatters or squatting is now treated in Melbourne ... They will not always remain under a cloud. The profits of labor will be equalized in time while we have a monopoly of the land which with the help of God we will keep in spite of the Melbourne gold worshippers. Our time will come yet, land will tell in the long run. No one can blame us using any powers circumstances may place within our reach. We are the victims at present, let us hope we shall be the sacrificers by & bye. ** Squatter William Forlonge to C. Barnes (late 1851); W. Forlonge to C. Barnes, 30 December 1851, pp. 3-4, SLV, MS Box 111/5: reported in [[Peter FitzSimons]], ''Eureka: The Unfinished Revolution'' (2012), ch. 4, epigraph * [Outsiders] cannot imagine the state of things here. Men who have been servants all their lives are now, after a few weeks work at the diggings, independent. ** Victorian squatter Alfred Burchett (January 1852); Gregory Blake, ''To Pierce the Tyrant’s Heart'' (Loftus: Australian Military History Publications, 2009), p. 12 * All aristocratic feelings and associations of the old country are at once annihilated ... It is not what you were, but what you are that is the criterion. ** John Sherer, an English digger; '' The Gold-Finder of Australia: How He Went, How He Fared, and How He Made his Fortune'' (London: Clarke, Beeton & Co., 1853), p. 10 * It is every man’s business to take care of himself here. They are just as independent in their speech as in their actions. It is a wonderful place to take the conceit out of men who expect much deference. The Governor was yesterday riding along among this crew, attended by one soldier; but not the slightest notice was taken of him, not even by a touch of the hat. They are just as free in helping themselves to your property. ** William Howitt, describing Melbourne in 1852; ''Land, Labour, and Gold, or Two Years in Victoria with Visits to Sydney and Van Diemen’s Land'' (London: Longman, Brown, Green and Longman, 1855), p. 25 ---- * ''Rossinhol en son repaire </br> M' iras ma dona vezer; </br> E ill diguas lo mieu afaire, ...'' ** Go, nightingale, and find the beauty I adore; </br> My heart to her outpour: </br> &nbsp;&nbsp; Bid her each feeling tell, </br> &nbsp;&nbsp; And bid her charge thee well, </br> To say that she forgets me not. ** Ascribed to [[Dalfi d'Alvernha]] in M. Raynouard, ''Choix des poésies originales des troubadours'', [https://catalog.hathitrust.org/Record/009652948 vol. 5] (1820), p. 292. Versified from Sainte-Palaye Millot French prose translation and ascribed to [[Peire d'Alvernhe]] in Edgar Taylor, [https://catalog.hathitrust.org/Record/001190058 ''Lays of the Minnesingers''] (1825), p. 243 ---- * Her eyebrows neither join nor sever,<br>But make (as ’tis) that selvage never<br>Clearly one nor surely two. ** ''{{w|Anacreontea}}'', XVI, 15–17 (Tr. [[John Maxwell Edmonds|J. M. Edmonds]], 1916); cp. [[Theocritus]], [[w:Idyll VIII|VIII]], 72 * Her Eye-Brows from a Mouse’s Hyde,<br>Stuck on with Art on either Side,<br>Pulls off with Care, and first displays ’em,<br>Then in a Play-Book smoothly lays ’em. ** [[Jonathan Swift]], ''A Beautiful Young Nymph Going to Bed'' (1734) ----- * [[wikt:press button|Press-button]] church. ** [https://archive.org/details/intelligencer-july-1959/page/n421/mode/2up ''The Ontario Intelligencer''] (29 July 1959), p. 2, col. 4 ----- * Herbert H. Hoffman, [https://archive.org/details/hoffmansindextop0000hoff_h3u6/page/94/mode/2up?q=%22La+douce+voiz+du%22 ''Index to Poetry: European and Latin American Poetry in Anthologies''] (Scarecrow Press, Inc., 1985), p. 95 ----- * '''Moe''': Listen, Bustoff, you can't drink that! That's ''alcohol''.<br>'''Bustoff''': No, that's not alcohol. That's just a little tequila, vodka, and cognac.<br>'''Curly''': Oh, that's ''different''. Go ahead! ** Clyde Bruckman, ''{{w|Grips, Grunts and Groans}}'' (1937 [[The Three Stooges]] short) ----- * On sleds reclin’d, the furry Russian sits;<br>And, by his rain-deer drawn, behind him throws<br>A shining kingdom in a winter’s day. ** [[James Thomson (poet)|James Thomson]], ''[[w:The Seasons (Thomson)|Winter]]'' (1726) * They went out into the glaring white sunlight. The heat rolled from the earth like the breath of an oven. The flowers, oppressive to the eyes, blazed with not a petal stirring, in a debauch of sun. The glare sent a weariness through one’s bones. There was something horrible in it—horrible to think of that blue, blinding sky, stretching on and on over Burma and India, over Siam, Cambodia, China, cloudless and interminable. ** [[George Orwell]], ''Burmese Days'' (1934), Ch. 2 ---- pagm8pun9wj30v5xo5993nxtmo97kr1 0 256155 3778548 3657900 2025-07-14T12:43:46Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Architects]]; added [[Category:Architects from Italy]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778548 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Massimo + Lella Vignelli (8293888263).jpg|thumb|Lella and Massimo Vignelli in 2012]] '''[[w:Lella Vignelli|Lella Vignelli]]''' (born '''Elena Valle''', August 13, 1934 – December 22, 2016) was an Italian architect, designer, and entrepreneur. She collaborated throughout much of her life with her husband and business partner, [[w:Massimo Vignelli|Massimo Vignelli]]. {{people-stub}} ==Quotes== *If you do it right, it will last forever. It’s as simple as that. **[https://nymag.com/homedesign/fall2007/39597/ ''The Vignellis''], Julie V. Lovine, New York Magazine, October 18, 2007 *If you can't find it, design it. **[https://nymag.com/homedesign/fall2007/39597/ ''The Vignellis''], Julie V. Lovine, New York Magazine, October 18, 2007 ==Quotes about Vignelli== *I learned an enormous amount from Massimo about how to be a good designer. But I learned how to be a successful designer from Lella. **[[w:Michael Bierut|Michael Bierut]] quoted in Massimo Vignelli biographical entry in [https://www.domusweb.it/en/biographies/massimo-vignelli.html Domus Magazine] (Editoriale Domus Spa) ==See also== *[[q:Massimo Vignelli|Massimo Vignelli on Wikiquote]] *[https://it.wikiquote.org/wiki/Massimo_Vignelli Massimo Vignelli on Italian Wikiquote] ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{Commonscat}} *[https://www.rit.edu/vignellicenter/ Vignelli Center for Design Studies] [[w:Rochester Institute of Technology|Rochester Institute of Technology]] (RIT) {{DEFAULTSORT:Vignelli, Lella}} [[Category:1934 births]] [[Category:2016 deaths]] [[Category:Architects from Italy]] [[Category:Women from Italy]] [[Category:Designers]] [[Category:Women born in the 1930s]] [[Category:Massachusetts Institute of Technology alumni]] g1n8g3z4rmn9yp3m28qo5mmxs8gpur9 14 256953 3778584 3384541 2025-07-14T12:49:04Z UDScott 4304 Moving from [[Category:Activists]] to [[Category:Activists by issue]] using [[c:Help:Cat-a-lot|Cat-a-lot]] 3778584 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Films by theme|Activists]] [[Category:Activists by issue]] stc0lqn7nbj3yys49jcullyn3o0a9mv 0 257796 3779054 3777836 2025-07-15T09:40:23Z 2001:8003:DC14:0:FD5D:E728:7CDB:BCED 3779054 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:India 1862 One Mohur.jpg|thumb|]] [[File:Rupee, 1840 - British India, Victoria.jpg|thumb|]] The '''[[w:Coinage of India|Coinage of India]]''' began anywhere between early 1st millennium BC to the 6th century BC, and consisted mainly of [[copper]] and [[silver]] coins in its initial stage. The coins of this period were ''[[w:Karshapana|Karshapana]]s'' or ''Pana''. A variety of earliest Indian coins, however, unlike those circulated in West Asia, were stamped bars of metal, suggesting that the innovation of stamped currency was added to a pre-existing form of token currency which had already been present in the Janapadas and [[w:Mahajanapadas|Mahajanapada]] kingdoms of the [[History of India|early historic India]]. The kingdoms that minted their own coins included [[Gandhara]], [[w:Kuntala country|Kuntala]], [[w:Kuru (kingdom)|Kuru]], [[w:Magadha|Magadha]], [[w:Panchala|Panchala]], [[w:Shakya|Shakya]], [[w:Surasena|Surasena]], [[w:Surashtra|Surashtra]] and [[w:Vidarbha|Vidarbha]] etc. ==Quotes== *Tipu also issued a new system of coinage, fashioned again by his fixation with Islam. He engraved the following words on the obverse of these coins: “the faith of Ahmad (Muhammad) is proclaimed to the world by the victories of Haidar struck in Pattan [Srirangapattana] in the year Jalu or 1199 Hijri.” On the reverse were engraved, “He [it is unclear whether it refers to God or Tipu] is the only Sultan, the just one the third of Bahari in the year Jalu, and third of the reign.”.. He gave the names of Muslim saints to coins minted in gold and silver. To copper coins, he gave Arabic and Farsi names, and named them after stars. Pagoda was the name of a coin that was in common circulation during that period. Tipu renamed Pagoda to Ahamadi because it was one of the names of the Prophet. Further, he gave the name Sadiq to a coin whose value was two Pagodas. Tipu’s reasoning? Sadiq was the name of the First Caliph. According to this new numismatic nomenclature, the one-paisa coin was called Zehra,the two-paise, Outmaani, and so on. In several instances, he gave new names for coins that he himself had renamed earlier: Farooqi, Jaffar, and Imami, for instance. There was also a Rupee named Hyder. ** quoted from Sandeep Balakrishna. 2013. Tipu Sultan : The Tyrant of Mysore. Chennai: Rare Publications. *Fabri added a comparison of Indus signs with symbols on the punch-marked coins, bringing out striking parallels between the two.... Overall, Fabri’s conclusion was: <br>We are able to recognize a large number of Indus script pictograms among the punch-marks published by previous writers—too large a number, indeed, to ascribe it to mere coincidence. **Fabri, C.L., ‘The punch-marked coins: a survival of the Indus civilization’, Journal of the Royal Asiatic Society, 1935, quoted from Danino, M. (2010). The lost river : on the trail of the Sarasvatī. Penguin Books India. ==External links== {{wikipedia}} [[Category:India]] 1mp2m5qpbgra6q8gea5k2djdjpo806w 0 258267 3778615 3642594 2025-07-14T12:49:52Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Activists]]; added [[Category:Social activists]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778615 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Akosua Adomako Ampofo|Josephine Akosua Adomako Ampofo]]''' is a [[Ghanaian]] academic who is a professor of Gender Studies and African Studies at the [[w:University of Ghana|University of Ghana]]. She is feminist activist-scholar, and a strong advocate for social justice. ==Quotes== * We should let the children learn about our history so that when someone speaks an untruth about the country, they can defend with the facts. History should be a compulsory subject for all. If you do not know your history, you will not know your identity and the future. ** [https://www.ghanabusinessnews.com/2022/10/30/make-history-compulsory-in-schools-prof-ampofo/] Akosua Adomako Ampofo Interview on History as a compulsory subject. * For what does it profit a man (and in this case by "man" I do mean a couple of biological and social males) if he is considered to be a superstar but does not invest in his intellectual DNA? ** [https://muse.jhu.edu/article/710781] * History should be taught from the kindergarten level, adding that the current practice in some tertiary institutions where students undertook history as a course for one semester “is not enough. ** [https://www.ghanabusinessnews.com/2022/10/30/make-history-compulsory-in-schools-prof-ampofo/] * I urge parents, teachers, and religious leaders to read about the country’s history and teach their children. ** [https://www.ghanabusinessnews.com/2022/10/30/make-history-compulsory-in-schools-prof-ampofo/] * I urge the Ministry of Education to make history a compulsory subject in schools. That would enable young people to know their true identity as Ghanaians and Africans, and empower them to become responsible citizens. ** [https://www.ghanabusinessnews.com/2022/10/30/make-history-compulsory-in-schools-prof-ampofo/] * Stephan and I spent a lot of time working together online; we also held a few e-conversations as well as in-person meetings when he was in Ghana. We set very rigid timetables for ourselves, so that when we did lose momentum or got swallowed up by our day jobs, we didn't veer too far off our self-imposed schedules. We assigned ourselves concrete tasks to be completed in between our meetings—who would read what, who would follow up on what with whom, and so forth. I think one of the things that worked best for us was a mutual respect of each other's schedules, as well as ideas. ** [https://muse.jhu.edu/article/710781/] * If I might add, as this is a challenge for all journals, we also had our fair share of slow or even totally non responsive reviewers. Now that you ask us to look back, I remember a couple of senior scholars who promised, and I mean promised, us a review, and then went totally cold on us. I find this particularly disheartening because, one, everyone knows GS work is a real labor of love. But more importantly, I want to believe that most of us, especially our more senior colleagues, are invested in nurturing the next generation and not simply having their own names up in gold. For what does it profit a man (and in this case by "man" I do mean a couple of biological and social males) if he is considered to be a superstar but does not invest in his intellectual DNA? ** [https://muse.jhu.edu/article/710781/] * This may be pie in the sky, but we should be looking for more money locally. There’s a lot of money in Africa – I’ll give one example: when the Centre for Gender Studies and Advocacy at the University of Ghana was putting together a sexual harassment policy in the early 2000s and needed to do some research, one of the women on our steering committee said ‘I’ll speak to my Church’. She comes back with some money for us – it’s an example we don’t normally think about. Many of the big churches are extremely wealthy, are very good at raising money. We haven’t approached them enough, with a proposal they would be comfortable with. ** [https://www.globalpolicyjournal.com/blog/19/02/2020/how-decolonize-academia-interview-prof-akosua-adomako-ampofo/] * Two people could be doing research on slavery, but what questions are they asking? Somebody could map out where people go, how many people moved, do a nice quantitative map, maybe say how many people in North America are related to people in Nigeria, but it wouldn’t get you to the heart of what people are feeling today, to the injustice, to the issue of reparations. If we’re crunching numbers, how about we try and calculate the cost, including the psychological cost? Who would fund that if it was linked to reparations? I suspect it wouldn’t be seen as serious science. ** [https://www.globalpolicyjournal.com/blog/19/02/2020/how-decolonize-academia-interview-prof-akosua-adomako-ampofo/] * But there’s also the ‘soft skills’, which we hardly ever talk about. Capacity building is always two way. Someone may come from LSE to do a workshop at the University of Ghana to build the capacity of young PhD scholars on how to write for a high impact journal, but that same LSE scholar might go into a small community with a Ghanaian scholar and learn how better to sit with them and how you speak to the chief, how you need to drink the water, even if you think ‘wow, that is going to kill me’! How to do those things so that the community will embrace you – that is mega, but it doesn’t appear anywhere. ** [https://www.globalpolicyjournal.com/blog/19/02/2020/how-decolonize-academia-interview-prof-akosua-adomako-ampofo/] * And this has a financial cost as well. You’re not only not recognized, but the ‘northern researcher’ then has their name on the report, puts it on their CV when they’re applying for the next research grant. As we say in Ghana, you use fish to catch fish. And the person who was the ‘research assistant’ is nowhere, they can’t claim credit, they are losing money now and in the future. ** [https://www.globalpolicyjournal.com/blog/19/02/2020/how-decolonize-academia-interview-prof-akosua-adomako-ampofo/] * But it doesn’t always work that way. You have researchers on the British side who are invested, sensitive, humble enough to recognize the knowledge that is in Ghana. But it means that if the person applying for the funds has to be from the UK, or Germany you have to have that respectful relationship, or the Northern partner ends up dictating the process. ** [https://www.globalpolicyjournal.com/blog/19/02/2020/how-decolonize-academia-interview-prof-akosua-adomako-ampofo/] * Just like with feminism, I would say step to the side or to the back. Allow the people for whom this is life and death to take the lead. We all live on this planet, need each other’s support. I’ve been supported throughout my life and career by people of different races, classes, genders. I would be lying if I said no, we can do this alone. We need support, but don’t want the white man to be the centre of the stage. Support us financially, give credit where credit is due – there’s power that comes with whiteness, and you have to acknowledge that. Say ‘you don’t need to invite me, I know this other person who would make an excellent lecturer. ** [https://www.globalpolicyjournal.com/blog/19/02/2020/how-decolonize-academia-interview-prof-akosua-adomako-ampofo/] * The African Studies Association of Africa: We’re still young – formed in 2013. The thinking behind this was that when African Studies became a discipline in Europe and North America, it wasn’t about centring African people’s lives; it wasn’t about how can we enable Africans to understand each other better. The agenda was how do we understand the natives so that we can better colonize them – to put it crudely, but realistically! The African Studies associations in UK, US, came out of that mould. They’ve changed a lot, but still don’t centre Africans enough – most of their members are not Africans, and the research is often about the researchers’ own interests. ** [https://www.globalpolicyjournal.com/blog/19/02/2020/how-decolonize-academia-interview-prof-akosua-adomako-ampofo/] === "How to Decolonize Academia; Interview with Prof. Akosua Adomako Ampofo"=== :<small>[https://www.globalpolicyjournal.com/blog/19/02/2020/how-decolonize-academia-interview-prof-akosua-adomako-ampofo Online text]</small> * If you’re not careful, a movement can lose its edge. Other people can appropriate it for their own careers, It becomes devalued. * All of us have capacity that can be built. We teach because we are building capacity we’re not the 'super knowers' but we do have certain experience, e.g how to do a survey or write a paper for publication and present it within 15 minutes. But the way in which capacity building is seen is very technocratic and Eurocentric in the sense that people all over the world have some of these 'hard skills', but they do them differently we may write differently, for example, but the standard for a journal article, supposedly international, is really Eurocentric. * Step to the side or to the back. Allow the people for whom this is life and death to take the lead. We all live on this planet, need each other’s support. ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Ampofo, Akosua Adomako}} [[Category:Academics from Ghana]] [[Category:Women from Ghana]] [[Category:Women academics]] [[Category:Feminists]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Social activists]] skp8q93dbkayn1j5f50sbkn8uhy5zyd 0 258786 3778721 3619139 2025-07-14T14:05:29Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Comedians]]; added [[Category:Comedians from Kenya]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778721 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Wanjiku the Teacher|Wanjiku the Teacher]]''' (Carolyne Wanjiku Tharau, most commonly known as Wanjiku the Teacher or Teacher Wanjiku, is a Kenyan comedian, actress and producer. == Quotes == <I got pregnant when I was 19! Now that is a story that I will tell you! > * "I Have Been Loved And Hated!We move on Regardless!!" **Jalango TV Oct 13, 2020<ref>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W2MNcAh2iHE</ref>'''. *"It is okay to start again. No shame in it." **Pulse Live May 10, 2021 <ref>https://www.pulselive.co.ke/entertainment/celebrities/teacher-wanjiku-narrates-how-she-was-trolled-after-her-tv-show-was-cancelled-after/w8d57q1</ref> == References== {{Reflist}} == External links== {{wikipedia}} <!-- OPTIONAL --> * [http://wanjikutheteacher.com/Official website] * [http://(address) Site description 2] {{DEFAULTSORT:Teacher Wanjiku}} [[Category:Actresses from Kenya]] [[Category:Comedians from Kenya]] [[Category:Living people]] nu5pjntk3gaz1sw6a1ylitplojekgzi 0 259778 3778511 3331431 2025-07-14T12:31:42Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Architects]]; added [[Category:Architects from Norway]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778511 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Christian Norberg-Schulz|Christian Norberg-Schulz]]''' (23 May 1926 – 28 March 2000) was a Norwegian [[architect]], [[author]], [[educator]] and [[w:Architectural theory|architectural theorist]]. Norberg-Schulz was part of the [[w:Modernism|Modernist]] Movement in architecture and associated with [[w:Phenomenology (architecture)|architectural phenomenology]]. {{architect-stub}} == Quotes == * In [[Prague]] classical architecture becomes romantic, and romantic architecture absorbs the classical characters to endow the earth with a particular kind of surreal humanity. Both become cosmic, not in the sense of abstract order, but as spiritual aspiration. Evidently Prague is one of the great meeting-places where a multitude of meanings are gathered. ** ''Genius Loci: Towards a Phenomenology of Architecture'' (1980), p. 83. == External links == {{wikipedia-inline}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Norberg-Schulz, Christian}} [[Category:1926 births]] [[Category:2000 deaths]] [[Category:Architects from Norway]] k1my8sg7tih22rifze7c14iwvu2s9wp 0 260294 3778633 3775879 2025-07-14T13:27:17Z 2603:6010:AF00:AAF8:9D79:930A:E716:8326 /* Twinkle's Favorite Author / Don't Fence Me In */ 3778633 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Higglytown Heroes|Higglytown Heroes]]''''' is an American computer-animated children's television series that premiered on September 12, 2004 and on January 7, 2008 in the United States. More episodes are coming soon. ==''Season 1''== ===''Up A Tree / Missing Grandpop''=== :'''Jennifer Whiskers''': She must be lost! :'''All''': LOST?! ===''Twinkle Tooth / Flower Power''=== :[''[[w:Twinkle (Higglytown Heroes)|Twinkle]] gasps''] :'''[[w:Eubie (Higglytown Heroes)|Eubie]]''': What’s wrong, Twinkle? ''[cuts to Twinkle]'' :'''Twinkle''': My tooth! It’s- it’s loose! :'''[[w:Wayne (Higglytown Heroes)|Wayne]]''': Oh No! Somebody do something! :'''Eubie''': It’s okay, Twinkle. All kids loose their baby teeth. :'''Twinkle''': They do? ===''Flappy's Not Happy / Electric Evening''=== ===''Smooth Operator / Sticky Situation''=== :'''Bitty''': ''[goes over the phone and answers it]'' Hello? :'''Eubie''': I wonder who's calling. :'''[[w:Kip (Higglytown Heroes)|Kip]]''': With a phone call, it could be ''anybody.'' :'''Wayne''': I hope it's not my mom calling because she found those brussel sprouts in the umbrella stand. :''[A 2D animated sequence in a thought cloud shows Plunkie calling Bitty, dumping brussel sprouts out of the umbrella stand]'' :'''Plunkie''': I'm sure there is a perfectly reasonable explanation, Bitty. I just don't know what it is. {{line}} :'''Bitty''': ''[hangs up; to the kids]'' That was Grandma-ma. I have to take her to visit Aunt Susie this afternoon, so I won't be able to help make macaroni hats after all. I'm very sorry, kids. I know I said I would, but I really have to go with Grandma-ma. :'''Twinkle''': And I thought we were going to have a lot of fun today. :'''Wayne''': Yeah, fun. ===''Weather or Not / Green In the Gills''=== :'''Twinkle''': That's prettier than a unicorn dressed up like a princess. Oh, I love a breezy breeze. :'''Kids''': Whoa! :'''Wayne''': Whoopsie. :''[barrel crash]'' :'''[[w:Fran (Higglytown Heroes)|Fran]]''': Oh, no! :'''Kids''': Whoa! :'''Wayne''': Stop that barrel! :''[barrel crash again]'' :'''Fran''': ''[sadly]'' My barrel's broken, and all my acorns all gone. Acorn day is runied. I need a time out. ==''Halloween Heroes''== :'''Fran''': It’s when all the ghosts and goblins and monsters come out for spooky fun. ''[cuts to the kids]'' :'''Wayne''': There aren’t really any monsters, are there, Fran? :'''Fran''': Oh, don’t worry, Wayne. There’s no such thing as… ''[cuts to Uncle Lemmo opening the door with a Jack-o’-lantern to scare the kids]'' '''MONSTERS!!!!!!!''' :''[zooms at Uncle Lemmo, cuts to the kids scream in terror, cuts back to Uncle Lemmo dropping his pumpkin after screaming in fear, cuts back to the kids]'' :'''All''': Uncle Lemmo?! ''[move to Uncle Lemmo after he was revealed, cuts to the kids moving to talk to Uncle Lemmo]'' :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Oh, kids! You nearly startled me right outta my pants. :'''Eubie''': We thought you were a pumpkin monster! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Nope, just being my Jack'o'lantern. Ugh, looks like I'm gonna have to carve a new one now. ''[scene wipes to Uncle Lemmo carving another Jack'o'Lantern]'' :'''Twinkle''': Why do we make Jack o lanterns on Halloween, anyway? :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Do you kids mean to tell me that you’ve never heard the story of the first Jack’o’Lantern? :'''Eubie''': Nuh-uh! :'''Kip''': Tell us! :'''Twinkle''': Please tell us, Uncle Lemmo! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': It all started in Higglytown a long, long time ago. :'''Black Cat''': ''[meows]'' :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Every year in Higglytown had a big Halloween Party. :'''Albert the Vampire''': ''[as Plunkie departures him]'' Ugh! <hr width=50%> :'''Jennifer Whiskers''': ''[sniffs, then pinches her nose]'' Eew… ''[walks away from Jake the archer and Albert the vampire]'' :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Now- back then, they were five friends. And just like everyone else in Higglytown, these friends couldn’t wait for Halloween! :'''Kip''': I’m a robot! :'''Twinkle''': A princess. :'''Eubie''': A walrus! :'''Fran''': A bat! :'''Wayne''': An Alien-Clown-Cowboy, imagine that! <hr width=50%> :'''Pumpkin Monster''': Of course I can, I’m a scary monster, and scary monsters are very mean! ''[shakes Fran the bat]'' :'''Fran''': Oh, well, I suppose you’re right about that! :'''Pumpkin Monster''': ''[takes Fran the bat to his Pumpkin Castle]'' Bwaaaah! <hr width=50%> :'''Pumpkin Monster''': ''[gets the pumpkin key, then runs down the stairs making monster noises]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Eubie''': I’m phoning a friend. ''[Bernice’s phone rings]'' :'''Bernice''': Hello. :'''Eubie''': Hi, Bernice. I was wondering if you could do us a really big favor. <hr width=50%> :'''Wayne''': Agh! ''[hides inside Eubie, then they walk up to the pumpkin castle]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Fran''': There's just one problem. :'''Twinkle''': What is that? :'''Fran''': The Pumpkin Monster is STANDING RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!!!!! :'''Eubie, Wayne, Twinkle, Kip and the Pumpkin Monster''': AAAH!!!!!!! :''[they hide inside themselves]'' :'''Pumpkin Monster''': So, you thought you could come and rescue Fran the bat? Hahaha. <hr width=50%> :'''Pumpkin Monster''': Where did I put that key? ''[pulls out the umbrella]'' No that's not it. ''[throws the umbrella away. Next: the Pumpkin Monster pulls out a seat]'' Oh no. That's a chair. ''[throws a seat away. Next: the Pumpkin Monster pulls out a French Horn then he plays lively jazz music with the French Horn then throws the French Horn away.]'' Nope. ''[pulls out the key, which is correct]'' Aha! :'''Eubie''': We’e on our way, Fran! :'''Kip''': I’ve got the key, Fran! <hr width=50%> :'''Pumpkin Monster''': Friends sound terrific! Ah. If only I had some. :'''Eubie''': You silly monster! We’ll be your friend. :'''Pumpkin Monster''': Hot Diggity! ===''Smells Like a Mystery / Ship Ahoy!''=== Down, Boy. Down! Hal, Stucky. Hal! No, Huggy. No! {{line}} :'''Fripp''': My hot dog cart is gone! :'''Kip''': It was here just a minute ago. :'''Wayne''': Where could it be? {{line}} :'''Eubie''': ''[after Fripp sings his Hot Dog Cart Blues song; sniffs sadly]'' That's the saddest song I've ever heard. {{line}} :'''Eubie''': Hey, that's not a hot dog cart! :'''Wayne''': Yeah, that's a seal. {{line}} :'''Kip''': Wow, are you a Higglytown Hero? :'''Policewoman''': Sure. But you know else is a Higglytown Hero? Our police dog, Jiffy. ===''All Tire'd Out / Great Un-expectations''=== :'''Wayne''': When in doubt, pack everything. When it comes to the beach, you can never be too prepared. {{line}} :''[As the kids and Plunkie head on their way to the beach, the car gets a flat tire and comes to a stop in the middle of the road, and the kids cover their eyes]'' :'''Fran''': Oh my goodness gracious! :'''Eubie''': Is it thunder? Is it a monster? :'''Wayne''': Don't answer. I don't want to know! :'''Plunkie''': Oh, it's nothing to be afraid of. :'''Fran''': It's just a flat tire. :'''Plunkie''': ''[hops out of the car and inspects the tire]'' Oh! :'''Twinkle''': Mom, does this mean we're not going to the beach? ===''Soup With Stars / The Happy Friendly Sparkly Toast Club''=== ===''First Snow / Snow Dazed''=== :'''Kip''': I can't wear pink, with ribbons. :'''Twinkle''': Well, ''I'' want to wear pink, not green. :'''Wayne''': This jacket is itchy. :'''Eubie''': ''[shivering and freezing]'' Um… I'm kind of cold. :'''Fran''': Nice try, Higgly kids. But I don't think this is gonna work now. :'''Wayne''': Oh. How will we ever get bigger clothes? ===''Catch Up With Ketchup / Star Struck''=== :'''Twinkle''': Ooh. It's raining marshmallows! :''[Two marshmallows land on Wayne's glasses]'' :'''Kip''': Wayne, you got marshmallow on your glasses. :'''Wayne''': Uh, I can't see. Everything looks like it's covered in marshmallows. :'''Eubie''': ''[takes Wayne's glasses off his eyes]'' Maybe I can wipe your glasses off with my shirt. :'''Kip''': No. We can take them inside and wash them off. :'''Wayne''': Wait! I only clean them with my special cleaning cloth. ''[runs into Eubie and Kip, and accidentally breaks his glasses]'' :'''Eubie and Kip''': Uh-oh! :'''Wayne''': What happened? :'''Twinkle''': Oh, no! Wayne! Your glasses are broken! :'''Wayne''': Broken?! I can't wear my glasses if they're broken! And if I can't wear my glasses, I can't see clearly! ''[in his POV, his vision is all blurry]'' It looks… blurry. Like I'm opening my eyes underwater. If everything is blurry, then I'm not gonna be able to see the shooting stars! What am I gonna do? {{line}} :'''Fran''': Oh, that's a mighty fine idea, Twinkle. Yes, sir, but I'm afraid that lenses made of ice would just melt. :'''Twinkle''': Aw, pickles. ''[snaps fingers in disappointment]'' ==''Twinkle's Wish''== ===''Twinkle's Masterpiece / The Egg-cellent Adventure''=== :'''Wayne''': ''[curiously]'' Gee, Mom. Don't we even get a hint where we're going? :'''Plunkie''': No. I told you-- it's a surprise. You'll see when we get there. :'''Fran''': Can anyone guess where we're going? :'''Twinkle''': Oh, I hope we're going to the pink puppy poodle palace so we can see all the pink poodles. :'''Plunkie''': You don't have to guess anymore, kids. We're here! ''[they arrive at an artist's house]'' This is where my friend Nikki lives. She's an artist, and she's gonna give you art lessons. :'''Twinkle''': Art lessons? :'''Kids''': Cool! :''[A moment later, they stand in front of the front door as Nikki, a blind artist, answers]'' :'''Nikki''': Wow. You're right on time! Hey there, future artists. I'm Nikki. :'''Kids''': Hi, Nikki. {{line}} :'''Phil''': Ooh, looks like I'll be juggling melons again. {{line}} :'''Eubie''': Grandpop Crank? ''You're'' a Higglytown Hero? ===''Wayne's Ripping Adventure / Meet Eubie's Cousin''=== :'''Kip''': Wow, Twinkle. You're going to be great at your recital. :'''Eubie''': So a recital is when you perform in front of a lot of people? :'''Fran''': That's right, Eubie. :'''Twinkle''': I wish you could all come, but this recital is only for family members, like my mom and Wayne. :'''Wayne''': Yeah. I can't wait to go. {{line}} :'''Plunkie''': ''[reminding Wayne]'' Remember that tonight is a special night for Twinkle. I want you to look your best. So once you put on your good clothes, be careful to keep them nice and clean. :'''Wayne''': Don't worry, Mom. I will. {{line}} :'''Wayne''': ''[horrified when he accidentally rips his pants]'' Oh, no! I've ripped my good pants! ''[sadly]'' Mom said I have to look nice in my good clothes if I want to go to Twinkle's recital. What am I gonna do? ''[starts singing his Ripped Pants Blues song] ♪ When I woke up this morning, the sun was in the sky :''When I looked in the mirror,'' :''I sure was lookin' fine!'' :''It was the day of the recital: my sister's ballet debut'' :''I'll never see her dance now 'cause of the ripped pants, can't go blues'' :''My mom said, "Be careful." She said, "Stay nice and clean."'' :''When she sees what I've done here, she's gonna turn a sickly green!'' :''My best pants are in tatters, and my shirt is dirty too!'' :''I'm gonna miss the ballet 'cause of the ripped pants, can't go blues'' :''I tried to be careful, I just made one mistake'' :''The rest of the family's going, but I'm gonna miss Swan Lake'' :''Now my whole life is ruined, and my heart is broken too'' :''I'm gonna miss the ballet 'cause of the ripped pants… can't go blues'' :''Yeah… ♪'' :'''Eubie''': ''[remorsefully after the song ends]'' That's the saddest song I've ever heard. {{line}} :'''Wayne''': Please don't be mad, Twinkle. I really wanted to look nice for your recital. It was an accident. ===''Say What? / Higgly Harmonies''=== :'''Twinkle''': ''[plays her Flamingo Cello]'' How was that, mom? ===''Patty Cake / Having a Ball''=== :'''Wayne''': Yeah, If they don't get more bread, well never to make our sandwiches. and If they don't get make sandwiches, well never to go on our picnic! ===''Wayne's Good Guess / Wayne's 100 Special Somethings''=== ===''Fran Takes a Hike / Mystery at Kip's House''=== :'''Wayne''': What are we gonna do?! ''[a thumping noise is heard again, everyone screams in terror]'' :'''Eubie''': If only there was someone special to help us! :'''Wayne''': ''[pops up then sings]'' Someone special, who could it be? :'''Twinkle''': ''[singing]'' This job’s too big for you and me! :'''Fran''': We need some help! :'''Kip''': But never fear-o! ===''Bright Sights, Big City / Kip's Shadow''=== :''[The Higgly kids, Aunt Mellie and Uncle Zooter, and Jax are riding an express train heading to Higgly Biggly City]'' :'''Fran''': Goodness gumballs! You kids sure are excited about this trip to Higgly Biggly City. :'''Twinkle''': Of course! Higgly Biggly City is the only place you can see ''Happy, Hairy, Higgly Monsters Live!'' :'''Eubie''': Thanks for taking us, Aunt Mellie and Uncle Zooter. :'''Aunt Mellie''': Of course, Eubie. :'''Uncle Zooter''': It's our pleasure. :'''Jax''': It sure was great to visit you guys in Higglytown, but now I can't wait for you all to see ''my'' home city. :'''Kip''': And I can't wait to see ''Happy, Hairy, Higgly Monsters Live.'' :'''Wayne''': Me, too. It's supposed to be the best show on Higglyway, and it has ''all'' the Happy, Hairy, Higgly Monsters! {{line}} :''[The gang arrives at the theater on Higglyway for the show, only to find that it isn't open yet]'' :'''Uncle Zooter''': Gee, it looks like… :'''Aunt Mellie''': The theater isn't open yet. :'''Kids''': ''[disappointed]'' Aw! :'''Aunt Mellie''': ''[checks the time on her watch]'' The show doesn't start… :'''Uncle Zooter''': ''[checks the time on his watch]'' For another few hours. :'''Jax''': I've got an idea. Since we have plenty of time, why don't we go see the Higgly Biggly City sights? :'''Aunt Mellie''': Why, Jax, I declare I think that's… a super-dupity idea. {{line}} :'''Twinkle''': Can you take a bride and groom to a fancy ballroom? :'''Taxi Driver Hero''': I'd love to! :'''Wayne''': Or drive a bobcat to a laundromat? :'''Taxi Driver Hero''': If he's got the fare. ===''Kip Joins the Circus / Baby Boom''=== :'''Twinkle''': What’s that? :'''Fran''': Everyone’s already run for cover. :'''Twinkle''': Aw pickles. ''[runs for cover with the others]'' :'''Wayne''': Why did it have to rain? How can we have our circus in the rain? :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Don’t worry, Wayne. I think it’s just a little shower. Look! The rain’s lighten up already. ''[the Higgly Kids look at the rain lighting up]'' :'''Kip''': Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s get back to the Fricky Frack Funhouse circus! Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go! ''[a storm clap is heard]'' Or maybe we could wait a little longer. ''[a thunder clap hits Fricky Frack Funhouse setting it on fire]'' :'''Twinkle''': Oh no! Look! Fricky Frack Funhouse is on fire! ''[zooms to Fricky Frack Funhouse on fire]'' :'''Uncle Lemmo''': This is terrible! We can’t let Fricky Frack Funhouse burnt down! :'''Wayne''': Can somebody do something?! :'''Eubie''': We really need the help of someone special right away! ===''Twinkle's Favorite Author / Don't Fence Me In''=== :'''Pizza Guy''': Look out below! {{line:}} :'''Uncle Lemmo and Gloria''': What? It’s my fence! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': If it’s your fence, what’s it doing on my property? :'''Gloria''': It’s not on your property, it’s on my property! And I’m painting my fence on my property yellow! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Purple! :'''Gloria''': Yellow! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': PURPLE! :'''Gloria''': Yellow! ===''Higgly Hoedown / Eubie's Turbo Sled''=== ===''Kip's Sweet Tooth / Wayne's Lollipop''=== :'''Kip''': Chocolate on chocolate? Way to go, Wayne. :'''Wayne''': But you haven't seen my secret ingredient. I call it, my "Choco-toast-tastic ice cream sandwich sundae." :'''Kip''': Nice going, Eubie. I hope it tastes as good as it looks. :'''Eubie''': My secret ingredient: lucky 4-leaf clover cookie for good luck. :'''Kip''': Ha! That's one nutty sundae, Fran. :'''Fran''': Oh, the nuttier the better, I always say. {{line}} :'''Dentist Hero''': So, what's the problem, Kip? ''[Kip mumbles indistinctly with his mouth wide open]'' Sorry, Kip. I can't understand what you're saying. :'''Bitty''': (He said) He tried to eat some ice cream, but every time he took a bite, it hurt. :'''Dentist Hero''': Well, I have to take a close look at your teeth, but it sounds like you might have a cavity. :'''Kip''': A ''cavity?!'' {{line}} :'''Wayne''': ''[witnessing a gigantic rainbow lollipop]'' Wow! That's a really big lollipop! :'''Candy Cart Owner''': A gargantuan giant lollipop is what I call it. :'''Wayne''': It's got so many colors. :'''Candy Cart Owner''': Every color of the rainbow, and each one's a different flavor on the tongue. Green is sublimely lime. Red is raucous raspberry. Blue is… :'''Twinkle''': Catch it! :'''Kip''': I got it! I got it! :'''Eubie''': Excuse me. :'''Wayne''': The blue is blueberry? :'''Candy Cart Owner''': Burstin' blueberry. That swirl of yellow is lipsmackin' lemon, and the purple is… :'''Wayne''': Grape-jelly grape. Those are all my favorite flavors. {{line}} :'''Kip''': Wow! That's the biggest jumbo lollipop I've ever seen! :'''Twinkle''': It's gonna take you forever to lick. :'''Eubie''': Or even longer. {{line}} :'''Fran''': My, oh, my, that's one colorful idea there, Twinkle. But the thing is, Higglytown's kinda low on Leprechauns this time of year, don't ya know? :'''Twinkle''': ''[disappointed]'' Aw…pickles. :'''Wayne''': This is terrible. If I can't find a way to get this lollipop out of my hair, it's gonna be stuck on my head forever. What am I gonna do?! ===''Kip's Dad Gets a Strike / A Really Hot Day''=== :'''Fripp''': '''STOP THAT BALL!!!''' :'''[[w:Pizza Guy (Higglytown Heroes)|Pizza Guy]]''': This looks like a job for Pizza Guy! <hr width=50%> :'''Pizza Guy''': ''[passing the Nacho Brothers: Vince, Stephen and Alex on his skateboard]'' Sorry, Nacho Brothers! Almost there! Almost there! :''[X-57 Strike King ball crash]'' :'''Fripp''': ''[sadly]'' Oh, no. My X-57 Strike King. It's broken. ===''Higgly Frog Day / Eubie's Ele-fantastic Adventure''=== :'''Kip''': I wonder where Fran is. She said she was gonna meet us here. :'''Wayne''': Yeah. Where could she be? :'''Fran''': ''[hopping towards the kids, wearing a frog hat]'' Ribbit. Ribbit. Ribbit. Don't ya know? :'''Twinkle''': Fran, why are you wearing that hat? :'''Fran''': Oh, my wiggly whiskers. You kids didn't forget, did you? :'''Wayne''': Forget what? :'''Fran''': Why, it's Higgly Frog Day! :'''Eubie''': Higgly Frog Day? :'''Twinkle''': ''[remembers]'' Oh, yeah! I remember! Lots of higgly frogs live in Higgly Swamp. But during the winter, it gets too cold for that. So every winter, the higgly frogs hop south where it's nice and warm. :'''Fran''': But after winter is over, the higgly frogs return to their homes in Higgly Swamp on this very same day every year. :'''Twinkle''': And they hop right through Higglytown on their way to the swamp. :'''Fran''': That's right. So every year, Higglytown holds a big celebration in the town square to welcome the higgly frogs as they pass through Higglytown on their way to their swampy homes. :'''Kip''': Well, let's get to the town square. Let's go, let's go, let's go! {{line}} :'''Uncle Lemmo''': The frogs are on their way! Let's start the parade, I say! {{line}} :''[As the higgly frogs hop down the street, they soon get stuck in all the confetti and streamers]'' :'''Eubie''': The higgly frogs can't hop through all the confetti and streamers. :'''Fran''': They sure can't. That's one big mess out there in the street. You betcha. :'''Wayne''': This is terrible! The higgly frogs can't hop through all this trash. We need to think of some way to get rid of it. :'''Eubie''': But how? :'''Twinkle''': ''[gets an idea]'' Oh! Oh! I know, I know, I know! First, we make a big stack of flippy floppy flapjacks. The flying fluffy frog fairies can come eat up all the flippy floppy flapjacks. The flippy floppy flapjacks will give the flying fluffy frog fairies the magical energy they need to change all the trash into little tiny bugs. :'''Wayne''': Wait a second. I don't think I like this plan. :'''Twinkle''': Why not? :'''Wayne''': I don't want all those flies flying around. :'''Twinkle''': They won't. Because higgly frogs love to eat up all the bugs they can. Then the trash will be all gone and the higgly frogs will happily hop off to Higgly Swamp with happy, full frogs tummies. :'''Fran''': That's one magical idea there, Twinkle. But there's just one problem. Flying fluffy frog fairies don't like flippy floppy flapjacks. :'''Twinkle''': ''[snaps her fingers in disappointment]'' Aw, pickles. :'''Kip''': We could clean the trash up. But there's too much. It'll take us forever to clean all this up. :'''Wayne''': What are we gonna do? We have to get all this trash cleaned up or the higgly frogs are never gonna get to Higgly Swamp. :'''Eubie''': As Higgly Frog hop-along leader, I declare that we need the help of someone special. {{line}} :'''Eubie''': Could you sweep a thousand pies if they're falling from the skies? :'''Kip''': Can you clean up the grime of a sticky monster's slime? :'''Street Sweeper Hero''': ''♪ Monster slime or falling pie / You can wave them all bye-bye / Cleaning up is what I do / On any street or avenue ♪'' {{line}} :'''Twinkle''': Thanks, Ms. Street Sweeper. :'''Kip''': We never could've cleared up the streets without you. :'''Street Sweeper Hero''': Shucks. I'm glad to help out the higgly frogs. Besides, I was just doing my job. Keeping Higglytown clean helps make it a great place to live. :'''Wayne''': It sure does. :'''Street Sweeper Hero''': But remember, everyone, cleaning up is great. But it's even better to keep things clean in the first place. So if you remember not to litter, you can be… :'''Kids''': Higglytown Heroes! ===''Wayne's Letter Factory / Live at the Birthday Lounges''=== ==''Season 2''== ===''Twinkle, Twinkle Little Fish / All the Wrong Moves''=== ===''Kip Gets Swing Fever / Wayne's Pieces of Gold''=== ===''All Warm Inside / Calling All Ducks''=== :'''Kip''': My Flylophone sounds just as good as the last time it buzzed. ''[hears bongo noises and then, Fran pops out playing her bongos]'' :'''Fran''': Oh, and my bongo drums sound mighty funky, yes sir! <hr width=50%> :'''Pizza Guy''': Can I bring my Electric Pizza-lin? :'''Kip''': Sure! The more instruments the better. :'''Pizza Guy''': Totally radical! Yeah! Whoo! <hr width=50%> :'''Wayne''': I got my Wayneatone! ''[plays it, and then Twinkle pops out with her Flamingo Cello]'' :'''Twinkle''': And I got my Flamingo Cello! ''[plays it]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Eubie''': Oh, Bouncylodeon! How I’ve missed you! ''[gets it on the wagon, Aunt Mellie and Uncle Zooter arrive]'' :'''Aunt Mellie''': Our Loop-A-Pop-A-Squeak-A-Phone… :'''Uncle Zooter''': Is gonna sound great on the lake! ===''The Totally Secret Valentine / A Valentine for Ms. Fern''=== ===''Cry Baby Pookie / Wait for Me''=== :''[The Higgly kids and Bitty enter Pookie's room to surprise her as she's woken up from her nap]'' :'''Wayne''': ''[whispering]'' I wonder what Pookie's gonna say when we tell her it's her birthday. :'''Twinkle''': ''[whispering]'' I know. She's gonna say, "Goo-goo ga-ga, kee-kee!" :'''Kids''': ''[whispering]'' Happy Birthday, Pookie. :''[Pookie suddenly starts crying]'' :'''Eubie''': Oh, no. Pookie's crying. :'''Twinkle''': What happened to the "Goo ga-ga, kee-kee?" :'''Wayne''': Oopsie. Did we do something wrong? :'''Bitty''': No. It's not your fault, kids. Babies often cry when they wake up from their naps. Sometimes they just want be held. ''[picks up Pookie from her bed for comfort]'' Watch. There, there, Pookie-poo. Mommy's here. Everything's all right. :''[Pookie cries louder]'' :'''Kip''': She's still crying, Mom. {{line}} :'''Kip''': Poor Pookie. She's supposed to be happy on her birthday, not sad. :'''Twinkle''': If only there was some way we could make her smile. {{line}} :'''Wayne''': If Pookie doesn't stop crying, she won't have a happy birthday. And if Pookie doesn't have a happy birthday-- :'''Twinkle''': She'll have a sad birthday. ===''Balloon-a-palooza / Wayne's Day Out''=== ==''The Fran In the Moon''== ===''Me and My Shadow / Out to Sea''=== :'''Kip''': Give me that flag! :'''Twinkle''': ''[giggles]'' He thinks it's a game. :'''Kip''': But it's not a game. ''[annoyed]'' Uhh! Shadow, listen to me! Stop right now! :'''Eubie''': Um, Kip, Shadow's not stopping. :'''Wayne''': He's not doing ''anything'' you say. :'''Kip''': I know. What am I gonna do? {{line}} :'''Ms. Fern''': Down, Shadow! Down! :'''Kip''': Sorry, Ms. Fern. I tried to control Shadow all morning, but I guess I just can't. :'''Wayne''': This is awful! Our tower is toppled! Our classroom is a mess! :'''Twinkle''': There's dog slobber everywhere. :'''Wayne''': What are we gonna do? ===''Don't Wayne On My Parade / Twinkle's Terrific Twirl''=== ===''Wayne's Big, Big Discovery / Dirigible Day''=== ==''The Legend of Higgsquatch''== ===''Eubie's Big Boat Float / A Slippery Situation''=== ==''Higgly Island''== ===''Corn to Be Wild / Overnight Moose''=== ===''Shear Luck / Big Night Out''=== ===''Kip's Rocket Rescue / Let's Get Moving''=== :''[The Higgly kids arrive at Kip's grandparent's house with some boxes sitting in front]'' :'''Kip''': Grandpa-pa! Grandma-ma! :'''Grandpa-pa''': Hey there, Kip. :'''Grandma-ma''': It's so good to see you. :'''Kip''': It's good to see you, too. :'''Grandma-ma''': What brings you kids here today? :'''Kip''': We came up here to get some cardboard boxes so we can make a pizza palace for our backyard Higgly Biggly City. :'''Fripp''': Aw, sorry, Kip. But Grandpa-pa and Grandma-ma need all their cardboard boxes. Today is the day they're moving. :'''Eubie, Wayne & Twinkle''': Moving?! :'''Kip''': I knew you were moving, but I didn't know you were moving today. :'''Wayne''': But we don't want you to move away. :'''Kip''': Don't worry. They're not moving far away, just to a brand new house in another part of Higglytown. :'''Eubie, Wayne & Twinkle''': A brand-new house? {{line}} :'''Fripp''': ''[takes an old baseball glove off the shelf]'' Wow. There are so many memories down here. Hard to believe you're packing up and moving out of the house I grew up in. :'''Kip''': ''[finds a baby photo album and blows off the dust]'' What's this, Dad? :'''Fripp''': Hey, it's my baby photo album. I bet there's lots of great memories in there. :'''Kip''': ''[opens the photo album and finds a photo of Baby Fripp]'' Is that you, Dad? :'''Fripp''': It sure is. :'''Grandma-ma''': Why, that's your father back when he was a brand new, tiny baby. ''[turns the page to more Baby Fripp photos]'' :'''Eubie''': You sure were a cute baby, Mr. Kip's Dad. :'''Twinkle''': Yeah! You were a cutesy wootsey wootsey woo. :''[Everyone else laughs as Fripp frowns in embarrassment]'' :'''Grandma-ma''': Your dad used to like it when I'd say, "Gootchie gootchie wah wah." :'''Fripp''': Sorry, everyone, but we have to pack this, too. ===''Calling All Cars! / Amazing Museum''=== ===''Frozen Fish Follies / Look Who's Squawking''=== ===''Eubie's Pink Dots / Two Bees or Not Two Bees''=== ===''Wayne's Day to Shine / Wayne Listens Up''=== :'''Wayne''': ''[slips]'' Whoa, whoa! :''[Wayne knocks off the ladder then, the bottom of the ladder pushes the paint buckets]'' :'''All''': ''[gasp after they got paint all over themselves]'' Our Costumes! :'''Wayne''': Heh, whoopsie! ===''A Hopping Popping Problem / Hay Hay Hay!''=== ==''Season 3''== ===''Happy Campers / All Washed Out''=== ===''Hats All Folks / Hop Hop Hooray''=== ===''Shuffleboard Buddies / All Mapped Out''=== ===''12-Pie Abe / The Day the Dinner Stood Still''=== :'''Longest Beard Mike''': Look! Aliens from another planet! I told ya! Didn’t I tell ya?! I told ya! ===''Saturday Night Higgly / Monster Sandwiches''=== :'''Eubie''': ''[to Kip as Fripp continues hopping nonstop with the CD skipping]'' Um, Kip, what's wrong with your dad? :'''Wayne''': Yeah. Why won't he stop hopping? {{line}} :'''Kip''': Are you okay, Dad? :'''Fripp''': I'm fine. But look at this CD. It's covered with scratches. And without ''Freddy Fever Disco Beaver,'' my dancing days are over. :'''Wayne''': Say it isn't so! You practiced so hard. Plus, I skipped my toast break so I'd have extra room… for the Banana Horn! What are we gonna do?! :'''Eubie''': Um, get someone special to help us? {{line}} :'''Musician Hero #1''': ''♪ We're musicians, clap your hands / We play instruments in our band / Bringing you joy is our goal / With Rock / Jazz / Disco / And Soul! ♪'' :'''Musician Hero #2''': ''♪ We practice songs every day / 'Cause we love to sing and play / Note for note and beat to beat / You'll be dancing cheek to cheek ♪'' :'''Wayne''': Could you play some cool bebop for some hep cats and their pops? :'''Twinkle''': Could you whisk away the blues for a tortoise with the flu? :'''Musician Hero #1''': ''♪ Blues for reptiles, jazz for cats / Our music is where it's at ♪'' :'''Musician Hero #2''': ''♪ Music is a happy sound / Loved the whole wide world around ♪'' ===''The Big Pink Elephant Sale / Higglies On Horseback''=== ===''Easy to Get Sneezy / Unlock the Magic''=== :'''Plunkie''': Allergic is when you have a ''bad'' reaction to something. {{line}} :'''Jessi''': My wig! ''[laughs maniacally]'' MY WIG! ===''Buki Buki Boo Boo / Signs of Spring''=== ===''Wayne's Cycle Recycle / Wayne's Wet Pet''=== ===''X Marks the Spot! / Eubie's View''=== :''[Eubie is finishing up his painting of the beautiful sunset on the easel before going to bed]'' :'''Flappy''': Beautiful! ''[squawks]'' Beautiful! ''[whistles]'' :'''Eubie''': It sure is, Flappy. This might be the best sunset yet. :''[Aunt Mellie and Uncle Zooter enter his bedroom]'' :'''Uncle Zooter''': How's the painting… :'''Aunt Mellie''': Coming along? :'''Eubie''': Almost finished. There! All done! :'''Aunt Mellie''': ''[amazed]'' Why, Eubie, darling. :'''Uncle Zooter''': It's simply beautiful. :'''Flappy''': Beautiful! Beautiful! :'''Aunt Mellie''': But now… :'''Uncle Zooter''': It's time for you to go to bed. :'''Eubie''': Aw. :'''Uncle Zooter''': Don't worry, Eubie. There will be… :'''Aunt Mellie''': Another sunset tomorrow. ===''Wing-a-ding Whirly Box / Windy Watchers''=== ===''Choo Choo Zucchini / Something Ducky Going On''=== :''[The Higgly Kids gasp in surprise at their zucchini's enormous size when they enter the backyard]'' :'''Fran''': Oh, get your peppers around that! :'''Wayne''': Our little seed grew, grew, grew! :'''Kip''': Come on! Let's put in Eubie's wagon and take it to the show! :'''Eubie''': Uh-oh! I don't think Mr. Zucchini is going to fit in my wagon. :'''Fran''': Nope. That veggie's gonna need a special delivery. {{line}} :'''Wayne''': If we don't find something strong enough, fast enough, and big enough, we're never gonna get Mr. Zucchini to corn county in time for the Fruit and Veggie Spectacular. ===''Fripp's Flip-flap Flop / Say Cheese''=== :'''Wayne and Twinkle''': Uncle Lemmo?! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Yep, I’m a Higglytown Hero. :'''All''': Wow! ===''Canyon Capers / Highcountry Hiccups''=== ==''Calling All Heroes''== :''[While setting up the party decorations in the backyard to celebrate Wayne's birthday, a flash of thunder and lightning strikes and a strong wind starts blowing away all the decorations]'' :'''Kip''': My hat! :'''Twinkle''': My tiara! :'''Wayne''': My pizza! :'''Twinkle''': Oh, no! :'''Plunkie''': Quickly, everybody! Help grab what you can and hop indoors before it starts to rain. {{line}} :'''Plunkie''': What a terrible storm! We should stay away from the window in case it rains. :''[Thunder and lightning strike from the dark grey clouds]'' :'''Twinkle''': Here comes the rain! :'''Plunkie''': I'm just glad we all managed to get indoors in time. :'''Kip''': Oh, no! Look at Pizza Guy! :''[Pizza Guy drives through the storm, steering out of control and pizza pellets fly out from the back of his van]'' :'''Eubie''': I hope Pizza Guy is okay. :'''Fran''': That was a close one. :'''Wayne''': But wait a second. I just thought of something. Didn't Pizza Guy say you're only supposed to add "one" drop of water to his pizza pellets? :'''Kip''': I think so. Why? :'''Wayne''': Because all of his pizza pellets just went flying out into the storm! What's gonna happen when those pellets get soaking wet?! {{line}} :''[After the horrible storm leaves Higglytown, Kip and Eubie reunite with their families]'' :'''Bitty''': Kip? :'''Kip''': Mom! :'''Aunt Millie''': Eubie! :'''Bitty''': Are you all right? :'''Aunt Millie''': We tried callin'. :'''Uncle Zooter''': But all the phones in town are dead. :'''Fripp''': Then we had to wait till the storm was over until we could head out. :'''Bitty''': Oh, we've been so worried! :'''Plunkie''': Don't worry. We've all been safe inside. ===''Happy Flappy Birthday / Cuckoo County Cawcaw Contest''=== ===''Little Big Fish / Good Sports''=== ===''Tis' the Season to Be Snowy / Bingo Bongos''=== :'''Fripp''': That’s one hippity-hop idea, Twinkle. But hopping cave hippos like to live in caves where it’s nice and quiet. Bringing them to a concert might hurt their ears. ===''Wayne's Toasty Invention / Spell It Safe''=== ==External Links== {{Wikipedia}} [[Category:American children's TV shows]] ekjh1uzp6dgiejz8luqbcb7f5rjuxn4 3778634 3778633 2025-07-14T13:27:35Z 2603:6010:AF00:AAF8:9D79:930A:E716:8326 /* Twinkle's Favorite Author / Don't Fence Me In */ 3778634 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Higglytown Heroes|Higglytown Heroes]]''''' is an American computer-animated children's television series that premiered on September 12, 2004 and on January 7, 2008 in the United States. More episodes are coming soon. ==''Season 1''== ===''Up A Tree / Missing Grandpop''=== :'''Jennifer Whiskers''': She must be lost! :'''All''': LOST?! ===''Twinkle Tooth / Flower Power''=== :[''[[w:Twinkle (Higglytown Heroes)|Twinkle]] gasps''] :'''[[w:Eubie (Higglytown Heroes)|Eubie]]''': What’s wrong, Twinkle? ''[cuts to Twinkle]'' :'''Twinkle''': My tooth! It’s- it’s loose! :'''[[w:Wayne (Higglytown Heroes)|Wayne]]''': Oh No! Somebody do something! :'''Eubie''': It’s okay, Twinkle. All kids loose their baby teeth. :'''Twinkle''': They do? ===''Flappy's Not Happy / Electric Evening''=== ===''Smooth Operator / Sticky Situation''=== :'''Bitty''': ''[goes over the phone and answers it]'' Hello? :'''Eubie''': I wonder who's calling. :'''[[w:Kip (Higglytown Heroes)|Kip]]''': With a phone call, it could be ''anybody.'' :'''Wayne''': I hope it's not my mom calling because she found those brussel sprouts in the umbrella stand. :''[A 2D animated sequence in a thought cloud shows Plunkie calling Bitty, dumping brussel sprouts out of the umbrella stand]'' :'''Plunkie''': I'm sure there is a perfectly reasonable explanation, Bitty. I just don't know what it is. {{line}} :'''Bitty''': ''[hangs up; to the kids]'' That was Grandma-ma. I have to take her to visit Aunt Susie this afternoon, so I won't be able to help make macaroni hats after all. I'm very sorry, kids. I know I said I would, but I really have to go with Grandma-ma. :'''Twinkle''': And I thought we were going to have a lot of fun today. :'''Wayne''': Yeah, fun. ===''Weather or Not / Green In the Gills''=== :'''Twinkle''': That's prettier than a unicorn dressed up like a princess. Oh, I love a breezy breeze. :'''Kids''': Whoa! :'''Wayne''': Whoopsie. :''[barrel crash]'' :'''[[w:Fran (Higglytown Heroes)|Fran]]''': Oh, no! :'''Kids''': Whoa! :'''Wayne''': Stop that barrel! :''[barrel crash again]'' :'''Fran''': ''[sadly]'' My barrel's broken, and all my acorns all gone. Acorn day is runied. I need a time out. ==''Halloween Heroes''== :'''Fran''': It’s when all the ghosts and goblins and monsters come out for spooky fun. ''[cuts to the kids]'' :'''Wayne''': There aren’t really any monsters, are there, Fran? :'''Fran''': Oh, don’t worry, Wayne. There’s no such thing as… ''[cuts to Uncle Lemmo opening the door with a Jack-o’-lantern to scare the kids]'' '''MONSTERS!!!!!!!''' :''[zooms at Uncle Lemmo, cuts to the kids scream in terror, cuts back to Uncle Lemmo dropping his pumpkin after screaming in fear, cuts back to the kids]'' :'''All''': Uncle Lemmo?! ''[move to Uncle Lemmo after he was revealed, cuts to the kids moving to talk to Uncle Lemmo]'' :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Oh, kids! You nearly startled me right outta my pants. :'''Eubie''': We thought you were a pumpkin monster! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Nope, just being my Jack'o'lantern. Ugh, looks like I'm gonna have to carve a new one now. ''[scene wipes to Uncle Lemmo carving another Jack'o'Lantern]'' :'''Twinkle''': Why do we make Jack o lanterns on Halloween, anyway? :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Do you kids mean to tell me that you’ve never heard the story of the first Jack’o’Lantern? :'''Eubie''': Nuh-uh! :'''Kip''': Tell us! :'''Twinkle''': Please tell us, Uncle Lemmo! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': It all started in Higglytown a long, long time ago. :'''Black Cat''': ''[meows]'' :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Every year in Higglytown had a big Halloween Party. :'''Albert the Vampire''': ''[as Plunkie departures him]'' Ugh! <hr width=50%> :'''Jennifer Whiskers''': ''[sniffs, then pinches her nose]'' Eew… ''[walks away from Jake the archer and Albert the vampire]'' :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Now- back then, they were five friends. And just like everyone else in Higglytown, these friends couldn’t wait for Halloween! :'''Kip''': I’m a robot! :'''Twinkle''': A princess. :'''Eubie''': A walrus! :'''Fran''': A bat! :'''Wayne''': An Alien-Clown-Cowboy, imagine that! <hr width=50%> :'''Pumpkin Monster''': Of course I can, I’m a scary monster, and scary monsters are very mean! ''[shakes Fran the bat]'' :'''Fran''': Oh, well, I suppose you’re right about that! :'''Pumpkin Monster''': ''[takes Fran the bat to his Pumpkin Castle]'' Bwaaaah! <hr width=50%> :'''Pumpkin Monster''': ''[gets the pumpkin key, then runs down the stairs making monster noises]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Eubie''': I’m phoning a friend. ''[Bernice’s phone rings]'' :'''Bernice''': Hello. :'''Eubie''': Hi, Bernice. I was wondering if you could do us a really big favor. <hr width=50%> :'''Wayne''': Agh! ''[hides inside Eubie, then they walk up to the pumpkin castle]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Fran''': There's just one problem. :'''Twinkle''': What is that? :'''Fran''': The Pumpkin Monster is STANDING RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!!!!! :'''Eubie, Wayne, Twinkle, Kip and the Pumpkin Monster''': AAAH!!!!!!! :''[they hide inside themselves]'' :'''Pumpkin Monster''': So, you thought you could come and rescue Fran the bat? Hahaha. <hr width=50%> :'''Pumpkin Monster''': Where did I put that key? ''[pulls out the umbrella]'' No that's not it. ''[throws the umbrella away. Next: the Pumpkin Monster pulls out a seat]'' Oh no. That's a chair. ''[throws a seat away. Next: the Pumpkin Monster pulls out a French Horn then he plays lively jazz music with the French Horn then throws the French Horn away.]'' Nope. ''[pulls out the key, which is correct]'' Aha! :'''Eubie''': We’e on our way, Fran! :'''Kip''': I’ve got the key, Fran! <hr width=50%> :'''Pumpkin Monster''': Friends sound terrific! Ah. If only I had some. :'''Eubie''': You silly monster! We’ll be your friend. :'''Pumpkin Monster''': Hot Diggity! ===''Smells Like a Mystery / Ship Ahoy!''=== Down, Boy. Down! Hal, Stucky. Hal! No, Huggy. No! {{line}} :'''Fripp''': My hot dog cart is gone! :'''Kip''': It was here just a minute ago. :'''Wayne''': Where could it be? {{line}} :'''Eubie''': ''[after Fripp sings his Hot Dog Cart Blues song; sniffs sadly]'' That's the saddest song I've ever heard. {{line}} :'''Eubie''': Hey, that's not a hot dog cart! :'''Wayne''': Yeah, that's a seal. {{line}} :'''Kip''': Wow, are you a Higglytown Hero? :'''Policewoman''': Sure. But you know else is a Higglytown Hero? Our police dog, Jiffy. ===''All Tire'd Out / Great Un-expectations''=== :'''Wayne''': When in doubt, pack everything. When it comes to the beach, you can never be too prepared. {{line}} :''[As the kids and Plunkie head on their way to the beach, the car gets a flat tire and comes to a stop in the middle of the road, and the kids cover their eyes]'' :'''Fran''': Oh my goodness gracious! :'''Eubie''': Is it thunder? Is it a monster? :'''Wayne''': Don't answer. I don't want to know! :'''Plunkie''': Oh, it's nothing to be afraid of. :'''Fran''': It's just a flat tire. :'''Plunkie''': ''[hops out of the car and inspects the tire]'' Oh! :'''Twinkle''': Mom, does this mean we're not going to the beach? ===''Soup With Stars / The Happy Friendly Sparkly Toast Club''=== ===''First Snow / Snow Dazed''=== :'''Kip''': I can't wear pink, with ribbons. :'''Twinkle''': Well, ''I'' want to wear pink, not green. :'''Wayne''': This jacket is itchy. :'''Eubie''': ''[shivering and freezing]'' Um… I'm kind of cold. :'''Fran''': Nice try, Higgly kids. But I don't think this is gonna work now. :'''Wayne''': Oh. How will we ever get bigger clothes? ===''Catch Up With Ketchup / Star Struck''=== :'''Twinkle''': Ooh. It's raining marshmallows! :''[Two marshmallows land on Wayne's glasses]'' :'''Kip''': Wayne, you got marshmallow on your glasses. :'''Wayne''': Uh, I can't see. Everything looks like it's covered in marshmallows. :'''Eubie''': ''[takes Wayne's glasses off his eyes]'' Maybe I can wipe your glasses off with my shirt. :'''Kip''': No. We can take them inside and wash them off. :'''Wayne''': Wait! I only clean them with my special cleaning cloth. ''[runs into Eubie and Kip, and accidentally breaks his glasses]'' :'''Eubie and Kip''': Uh-oh! :'''Wayne''': What happened? :'''Twinkle''': Oh, no! Wayne! Your glasses are broken! :'''Wayne''': Broken?! I can't wear my glasses if they're broken! And if I can't wear my glasses, I can't see clearly! ''[in his POV, his vision is all blurry]'' It looks… blurry. Like I'm opening my eyes underwater. If everything is blurry, then I'm not gonna be able to see the shooting stars! What am I gonna do? {{line}} :'''Fran''': Oh, that's a mighty fine idea, Twinkle. Yes, sir, but I'm afraid that lenses made of ice would just melt. :'''Twinkle''': Aw, pickles. ''[snaps fingers in disappointment]'' ==''Twinkle's Wish''== ===''Twinkle's Masterpiece / The Egg-cellent Adventure''=== :'''Wayne''': ''[curiously]'' Gee, Mom. Don't we even get a hint where we're going? :'''Plunkie''': No. I told you-- it's a surprise. You'll see when we get there. :'''Fran''': Can anyone guess where we're going? :'''Twinkle''': Oh, I hope we're going to the pink puppy poodle palace so we can see all the pink poodles. :'''Plunkie''': You don't have to guess anymore, kids. We're here! ''[they arrive at an artist's house]'' This is where my friend Nikki lives. She's an artist, and she's gonna give you art lessons. :'''Twinkle''': Art lessons? :'''Kids''': Cool! :''[A moment later, they stand in front of the front door as Nikki, a blind artist, answers]'' :'''Nikki''': Wow. You're right on time! Hey there, future artists. I'm Nikki. :'''Kids''': Hi, Nikki. {{line}} :'''Phil''': Ooh, looks like I'll be juggling melons again. {{line}} :'''Eubie''': Grandpop Crank? ''You're'' a Higglytown Hero? ===''Wayne's Ripping Adventure / Meet Eubie's Cousin''=== :'''Kip''': Wow, Twinkle. You're going to be great at your recital. :'''Eubie''': So a recital is when you perform in front of a lot of people? :'''Fran''': That's right, Eubie. :'''Twinkle''': I wish you could all come, but this recital is only for family members, like my mom and Wayne. :'''Wayne''': Yeah. I can't wait to go. {{line}} :'''Plunkie''': ''[reminding Wayne]'' Remember that tonight is a special night for Twinkle. I want you to look your best. So once you put on your good clothes, be careful to keep them nice and clean. :'''Wayne''': Don't worry, Mom. I will. {{line}} :'''Wayne''': ''[horrified when he accidentally rips his pants]'' Oh, no! I've ripped my good pants! ''[sadly]'' Mom said I have to look nice in my good clothes if I want to go to Twinkle's recital. What am I gonna do? ''[starts singing his Ripped Pants Blues song] ♪ When I woke up this morning, the sun was in the sky :''When I looked in the mirror,'' :''I sure was lookin' fine!'' :''It was the day of the recital: my sister's ballet debut'' :''I'll never see her dance now 'cause of the ripped pants, can't go blues'' :''My mom said, "Be careful." She said, "Stay nice and clean."'' :''When she sees what I've done here, she's gonna turn a sickly green!'' :''My best pants are in tatters, and my shirt is dirty too!'' :''I'm gonna miss the ballet 'cause of the ripped pants, can't go blues'' :''I tried to be careful, I just made one mistake'' :''The rest of the family's going, but I'm gonna miss Swan Lake'' :''Now my whole life is ruined, and my heart is broken too'' :''I'm gonna miss the ballet 'cause of the ripped pants… can't go blues'' :''Yeah… ♪'' :'''Eubie''': ''[remorsefully after the song ends]'' That's the saddest song I've ever heard. {{line}} :'''Wayne''': Please don't be mad, Twinkle. I really wanted to look nice for your recital. It was an accident. ===''Say What? / Higgly Harmonies''=== :'''Twinkle''': ''[plays her Flamingo Cello]'' How was that, mom? ===''Patty Cake / Having a Ball''=== :'''Wayne''': Yeah, If they don't get more bread, well never to make our sandwiches. and If they don't get make sandwiches, well never to go on our picnic! ===''Wayne's Good Guess / Wayne's 100 Special Somethings''=== ===''Fran Takes a Hike / Mystery at Kip's House''=== :'''Wayne''': What are we gonna do?! ''[a thumping noise is heard again, everyone screams in terror]'' :'''Eubie''': If only there was someone special to help us! :'''Wayne''': ''[pops up then sings]'' Someone special, who could it be? :'''Twinkle''': ''[singing]'' This job’s too big for you and me! :'''Fran''': We need some help! :'''Kip''': But never fear-o! ===''Bright Sights, Big City / Kip's Shadow''=== :''[The Higgly kids, Aunt Mellie and Uncle Zooter, and Jax are riding an express train heading to Higgly Biggly City]'' :'''Fran''': Goodness gumballs! You kids sure are excited about this trip to Higgly Biggly City. :'''Twinkle''': Of course! Higgly Biggly City is the only place you can see ''Happy, Hairy, Higgly Monsters Live!'' :'''Eubie''': Thanks for taking us, Aunt Mellie and Uncle Zooter. :'''Aunt Mellie''': Of course, Eubie. :'''Uncle Zooter''': It's our pleasure. :'''Jax''': It sure was great to visit you guys in Higglytown, but now I can't wait for you all to see ''my'' home city. :'''Kip''': And I can't wait to see ''Happy, Hairy, Higgly Monsters Live.'' :'''Wayne''': Me, too. It's supposed to be the best show on Higglyway, and it has ''all'' the Happy, Hairy, Higgly Monsters! {{line}} :''[The gang arrives at the theater on Higglyway for the show, only to find that it isn't open yet]'' :'''Uncle Zooter''': Gee, it looks like… :'''Aunt Mellie''': The theater isn't open yet. :'''Kids''': ''[disappointed]'' Aw! :'''Aunt Mellie''': ''[checks the time on her watch]'' The show doesn't start… :'''Uncle Zooter''': ''[checks the time on his watch]'' For another few hours. :'''Jax''': I've got an idea. Since we have plenty of time, why don't we go see the Higgly Biggly City sights? :'''Aunt Mellie''': Why, Jax, I declare I think that's… a super-dupity idea. {{line}} :'''Twinkle''': Can you take a bride and groom to a fancy ballroom? :'''Taxi Driver Hero''': I'd love to! :'''Wayne''': Or drive a bobcat to a laundromat? :'''Taxi Driver Hero''': If he's got the fare. ===''Kip Joins the Circus / Baby Boom''=== :'''Twinkle''': What’s that? :'''Fran''': Everyone’s already run for cover. :'''Twinkle''': Aw pickles. ''[runs for cover with the others]'' :'''Wayne''': Why did it have to rain? How can we have our circus in the rain? :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Don’t worry, Wayne. I think it’s just a little shower. Look! The rain’s lighten up already. ''[the Higgly Kids look at the rain lighting up]'' :'''Kip''': Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s get back to the Fricky Frack Funhouse circus! Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go! ''[a storm clap is heard]'' Or maybe we could wait a little longer. ''[a thunder clap hits Fricky Frack Funhouse setting it on fire]'' :'''Twinkle''': Oh no! Look! Fricky Frack Funhouse is on fire! ''[zooms to Fricky Frack Funhouse on fire]'' :'''Uncle Lemmo''': This is terrible! We can’t let Fricky Frack Funhouse burnt down! :'''Wayne''': Can somebody do something?! :'''Eubie''': We really need the help of someone special right away! ===''Twinkle's Favorite Author / Don't Fence Me In''=== :'''Pizza Guy''': Look out below! {{line}}: :'''Uncle Lemmo and Gloria''': What? It’s my fence! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': If it’s your fence, what’s it doing on my property? :'''Gloria''': It’s not on your property, it’s on my property! And I’m painting my fence on my property yellow! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Purple! :'''Gloria''': Yellow! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': PURPLE! :'''Gloria''': Yellow! ===''Higgly Hoedown / Eubie's Turbo Sled''=== ===''Kip's Sweet Tooth / Wayne's Lollipop''=== :'''Kip''': Chocolate on chocolate? Way to go, Wayne. :'''Wayne''': But you haven't seen my secret ingredient. I call it, my "Choco-toast-tastic ice cream sandwich sundae." :'''Kip''': Nice going, Eubie. I hope it tastes as good as it looks. :'''Eubie''': My secret ingredient: lucky 4-leaf clover cookie for good luck. :'''Kip''': Ha! That's one nutty sundae, Fran. :'''Fran''': Oh, the nuttier the better, I always say. {{line}} :'''Dentist Hero''': So, what's the problem, Kip? ''[Kip mumbles indistinctly with his mouth wide open]'' Sorry, Kip. I can't understand what you're saying. :'''Bitty''': (He said) He tried to eat some ice cream, but every time he took a bite, it hurt. :'''Dentist Hero''': Well, I have to take a close look at your teeth, but it sounds like you might have a cavity. :'''Kip''': A ''cavity?!'' {{line}} :'''Wayne''': ''[witnessing a gigantic rainbow lollipop]'' Wow! That's a really big lollipop! :'''Candy Cart Owner''': A gargantuan giant lollipop is what I call it. :'''Wayne''': It's got so many colors. :'''Candy Cart Owner''': Every color of the rainbow, and each one's a different flavor on the tongue. Green is sublimely lime. Red is raucous raspberry. Blue is… :'''Twinkle''': Catch it! :'''Kip''': I got it! I got it! :'''Eubie''': Excuse me. :'''Wayne''': The blue is blueberry? :'''Candy Cart Owner''': Burstin' blueberry. That swirl of yellow is lipsmackin' lemon, and the purple is… :'''Wayne''': Grape-jelly grape. Those are all my favorite flavors. {{line}} :'''Kip''': Wow! That's the biggest jumbo lollipop I've ever seen! :'''Twinkle''': It's gonna take you forever to lick. :'''Eubie''': Or even longer. {{line}} :'''Fran''': My, oh, my, that's one colorful idea there, Twinkle. But the thing is, Higglytown's kinda low on Leprechauns this time of year, don't ya know? :'''Twinkle''': ''[disappointed]'' Aw…pickles. :'''Wayne''': This is terrible. If I can't find a way to get this lollipop out of my hair, it's gonna be stuck on my head forever. What am I gonna do?! ===''Kip's Dad Gets a Strike / A Really Hot Day''=== :'''Fripp''': '''STOP THAT BALL!!!''' :'''[[w:Pizza Guy (Higglytown Heroes)|Pizza Guy]]''': This looks like a job for Pizza Guy! <hr width=50%> :'''Pizza Guy''': ''[passing the Nacho Brothers: Vince, Stephen and Alex on his skateboard]'' Sorry, Nacho Brothers! Almost there! Almost there! :''[X-57 Strike King ball crash]'' :'''Fripp''': ''[sadly]'' Oh, no. My X-57 Strike King. It's broken. ===''Higgly Frog Day / Eubie's Ele-fantastic Adventure''=== :'''Kip''': I wonder where Fran is. She said she was gonna meet us here. :'''Wayne''': Yeah. Where could she be? :'''Fran''': ''[hopping towards the kids, wearing a frog hat]'' Ribbit. Ribbit. Ribbit. Don't ya know? :'''Twinkle''': Fran, why are you wearing that hat? :'''Fran''': Oh, my wiggly whiskers. You kids didn't forget, did you? :'''Wayne''': Forget what? :'''Fran''': Why, it's Higgly Frog Day! :'''Eubie''': Higgly Frog Day? :'''Twinkle''': ''[remembers]'' Oh, yeah! I remember! Lots of higgly frogs live in Higgly Swamp. But during the winter, it gets too cold for that. So every winter, the higgly frogs hop south where it's nice and warm. :'''Fran''': But after winter is over, the higgly frogs return to their homes in Higgly Swamp on this very same day every year. :'''Twinkle''': And they hop right through Higglytown on their way to the swamp. :'''Fran''': That's right. So every year, Higglytown holds a big celebration in the town square to welcome the higgly frogs as they pass through Higglytown on their way to their swampy homes. :'''Kip''': Well, let's get to the town square. Let's go, let's go, let's go! {{line}} :'''Uncle Lemmo''': The frogs are on their way! Let's start the parade, I say! {{line}} :''[As the higgly frogs hop down the street, they soon get stuck in all the confetti and streamers]'' :'''Eubie''': The higgly frogs can't hop through all the confetti and streamers. :'''Fran''': They sure can't. That's one big mess out there in the street. You betcha. :'''Wayne''': This is terrible! The higgly frogs can't hop through all this trash. We need to think of some way to get rid of it. :'''Eubie''': But how? :'''Twinkle''': ''[gets an idea]'' Oh! Oh! I know, I know, I know! First, we make a big stack of flippy floppy flapjacks. The flying fluffy frog fairies can come eat up all the flippy floppy flapjacks. The flippy floppy flapjacks will give the flying fluffy frog fairies the magical energy they need to change all the trash into little tiny bugs. :'''Wayne''': Wait a second. I don't think I like this plan. :'''Twinkle''': Why not? :'''Wayne''': I don't want all those flies flying around. :'''Twinkle''': They won't. Because higgly frogs love to eat up all the bugs they can. Then the trash will be all gone and the higgly frogs will happily hop off to Higgly Swamp with happy, full frogs tummies. :'''Fran''': That's one magical idea there, Twinkle. But there's just one problem. Flying fluffy frog fairies don't like flippy floppy flapjacks. :'''Twinkle''': ''[snaps her fingers in disappointment]'' Aw, pickles. :'''Kip''': We could clean the trash up. But there's too much. It'll take us forever to clean all this up. :'''Wayne''': What are we gonna do? We have to get all this trash cleaned up or the higgly frogs are never gonna get to Higgly Swamp. :'''Eubie''': As Higgly Frog hop-along leader, I declare that we need the help of someone special. {{line}} :'''Eubie''': Could you sweep a thousand pies if they're falling from the skies? :'''Kip''': Can you clean up the grime of a sticky monster's slime? :'''Street Sweeper Hero''': ''♪ Monster slime or falling pie / You can wave them all bye-bye / Cleaning up is what I do / On any street or avenue ♪'' {{line}} :'''Twinkle''': Thanks, Ms. Street Sweeper. :'''Kip''': We never could've cleared up the streets without you. :'''Street Sweeper Hero''': Shucks. I'm glad to help out the higgly frogs. Besides, I was just doing my job. Keeping Higglytown clean helps make it a great place to live. :'''Wayne''': It sure does. :'''Street Sweeper Hero''': But remember, everyone, cleaning up is great. But it's even better to keep things clean in the first place. So if you remember not to litter, you can be… :'''Kids''': Higglytown Heroes! ===''Wayne's Letter Factory / Live at the Birthday Lounges''=== ==''Season 2''== ===''Twinkle, Twinkle Little Fish / All the Wrong Moves''=== ===''Kip Gets Swing Fever / Wayne's Pieces of Gold''=== ===''All Warm Inside / Calling All Ducks''=== :'''Kip''': My Flylophone sounds just as good as the last time it buzzed. ''[hears bongo noises and then, Fran pops out playing her bongos]'' :'''Fran''': Oh, and my bongo drums sound mighty funky, yes sir! <hr width=50%> :'''Pizza Guy''': Can I bring my Electric Pizza-lin? :'''Kip''': Sure! The more instruments the better. :'''Pizza Guy''': Totally radical! Yeah! Whoo! <hr width=50%> :'''Wayne''': I got my Wayneatone! ''[plays it, and then Twinkle pops out with her Flamingo Cello]'' :'''Twinkle''': And I got my Flamingo Cello! ''[plays it]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Eubie''': Oh, Bouncylodeon! How I’ve missed you! ''[gets it on the wagon, Aunt Mellie and Uncle Zooter arrive]'' :'''Aunt Mellie''': Our Loop-A-Pop-A-Squeak-A-Phone… :'''Uncle Zooter''': Is gonna sound great on the lake! ===''The Totally Secret Valentine / A Valentine for Ms. Fern''=== ===''Cry Baby Pookie / Wait for Me''=== :''[The Higgly kids and Bitty enter Pookie's room to surprise her as she's woken up from her nap]'' :'''Wayne''': ''[whispering]'' I wonder what Pookie's gonna say when we tell her it's her birthday. :'''Twinkle''': ''[whispering]'' I know. She's gonna say, "Goo-goo ga-ga, kee-kee!" :'''Kids''': ''[whispering]'' Happy Birthday, Pookie. :''[Pookie suddenly starts crying]'' :'''Eubie''': Oh, no. Pookie's crying. :'''Twinkle''': What happened to the "Goo ga-ga, kee-kee?" :'''Wayne''': Oopsie. Did we do something wrong? :'''Bitty''': No. It's not your fault, kids. Babies often cry when they wake up from their naps. Sometimes they just want be held. ''[picks up Pookie from her bed for comfort]'' Watch. There, there, Pookie-poo. Mommy's here. Everything's all right. :''[Pookie cries louder]'' :'''Kip''': She's still crying, Mom. {{line}} :'''Kip''': Poor Pookie. She's supposed to be happy on her birthday, not sad. :'''Twinkle''': If only there was some way we could make her smile. {{line}} :'''Wayne''': If Pookie doesn't stop crying, she won't have a happy birthday. And if Pookie doesn't have a happy birthday-- :'''Twinkle''': She'll have a sad birthday. ===''Balloon-a-palooza / Wayne's Day Out''=== ==''The Fran In the Moon''== ===''Me and My Shadow / Out to Sea''=== :'''Kip''': Give me that flag! :'''Twinkle''': ''[giggles]'' He thinks it's a game. :'''Kip''': But it's not a game. ''[annoyed]'' Uhh! Shadow, listen to me! Stop right now! :'''Eubie''': Um, Kip, Shadow's not stopping. :'''Wayne''': He's not doing ''anything'' you say. :'''Kip''': I know. What am I gonna do? {{line}} :'''Ms. Fern''': Down, Shadow! Down! :'''Kip''': Sorry, Ms. Fern. I tried to control Shadow all morning, but I guess I just can't. :'''Wayne''': This is awful! Our tower is toppled! Our classroom is a mess! :'''Twinkle''': There's dog slobber everywhere. :'''Wayne''': What are we gonna do? ===''Don't Wayne On My Parade / Twinkle's Terrific Twirl''=== ===''Wayne's Big, Big Discovery / Dirigible Day''=== ==''The Legend of Higgsquatch''== ===''Eubie's Big Boat Float / A Slippery Situation''=== ==''Higgly Island''== ===''Corn to Be Wild / Overnight Moose''=== ===''Shear Luck / Big Night Out''=== ===''Kip's Rocket Rescue / Let's Get Moving''=== :''[The Higgly kids arrive at Kip's grandparent's house with some boxes sitting in front]'' :'''Kip''': Grandpa-pa! Grandma-ma! :'''Grandpa-pa''': Hey there, Kip. :'''Grandma-ma''': It's so good to see you. :'''Kip''': It's good to see you, too. :'''Grandma-ma''': What brings you kids here today? :'''Kip''': We came up here to get some cardboard boxes so we can make a pizza palace for our backyard Higgly Biggly City. :'''Fripp''': Aw, sorry, Kip. But Grandpa-pa and Grandma-ma need all their cardboard boxes. Today is the day they're moving. :'''Eubie, Wayne & Twinkle''': Moving?! :'''Kip''': I knew you were moving, but I didn't know you were moving today. :'''Wayne''': But we don't want you to move away. :'''Kip''': Don't worry. They're not moving far away, just to a brand new house in another part of Higglytown. :'''Eubie, Wayne & Twinkle''': A brand-new house? {{line}} :'''Fripp''': ''[takes an old baseball glove off the shelf]'' Wow. There are so many memories down here. Hard to believe you're packing up and moving out of the house I grew up in. :'''Kip''': ''[finds a baby photo album and blows off the dust]'' What's this, Dad? :'''Fripp''': Hey, it's my baby photo album. I bet there's lots of great memories in there. :'''Kip''': ''[opens the photo album and finds a photo of Baby Fripp]'' Is that you, Dad? :'''Fripp''': It sure is. :'''Grandma-ma''': Why, that's your father back when he was a brand new, tiny baby. ''[turns the page to more Baby Fripp photos]'' :'''Eubie''': You sure were a cute baby, Mr. Kip's Dad. :'''Twinkle''': Yeah! You were a cutesy wootsey wootsey woo. :''[Everyone else laughs as Fripp frowns in embarrassment]'' :'''Grandma-ma''': Your dad used to like it when I'd say, "Gootchie gootchie wah wah." :'''Fripp''': Sorry, everyone, but we have to pack this, too. ===''Calling All Cars! / Amazing Museum''=== ===''Frozen Fish Follies / Look Who's Squawking''=== ===''Eubie's Pink Dots / Two Bees or Not Two Bees''=== ===''Wayne's Day to Shine / Wayne Listens Up''=== :'''Wayne''': ''[slips]'' Whoa, whoa! :''[Wayne knocks off the ladder then, the bottom of the ladder pushes the paint buckets]'' :'''All''': ''[gasp after they got paint all over themselves]'' Our Costumes! :'''Wayne''': Heh, whoopsie! ===''A Hopping Popping Problem / Hay Hay Hay!''=== ==''Season 3''== ===''Happy Campers / All Washed Out''=== ===''Hats All Folks / Hop Hop Hooray''=== ===''Shuffleboard Buddies / All Mapped Out''=== ===''12-Pie Abe / The Day the Dinner Stood Still''=== :'''Longest Beard Mike''': Look! Aliens from another planet! I told ya! Didn’t I tell ya?! I told ya! ===''Saturday Night Higgly / Monster Sandwiches''=== :'''Eubie''': ''[to Kip as Fripp continues hopping nonstop with the CD skipping]'' Um, Kip, what's wrong with your dad? :'''Wayne''': Yeah. Why won't he stop hopping? {{line}} :'''Kip''': Are you okay, Dad? :'''Fripp''': I'm fine. But look at this CD. It's covered with scratches. And without ''Freddy Fever Disco Beaver,'' my dancing days are over. :'''Wayne''': Say it isn't so! You practiced so hard. Plus, I skipped my toast break so I'd have extra room… for the Banana Horn! What are we gonna do?! :'''Eubie''': Um, get someone special to help us? {{line}} :'''Musician Hero #1''': ''♪ We're musicians, clap your hands / We play instruments in our band / Bringing you joy is our goal / With Rock / Jazz / Disco / And Soul! ♪'' :'''Musician Hero #2''': ''♪ We practice songs every day / 'Cause we love to sing and play / Note for note and beat to beat / You'll be dancing cheek to cheek ♪'' :'''Wayne''': Could you play some cool bebop for some hep cats and their pops? :'''Twinkle''': Could you whisk away the blues for a tortoise with the flu? :'''Musician Hero #1''': ''♪ Blues for reptiles, jazz for cats / Our music is where it's at ♪'' :'''Musician Hero #2''': ''♪ Music is a happy sound / Loved the whole wide world around ♪'' ===''The Big Pink Elephant Sale / Higglies On Horseback''=== ===''Easy to Get Sneezy / Unlock the Magic''=== :'''Plunkie''': Allergic is when you have a ''bad'' reaction to something. {{line}} :'''Jessi''': My wig! ''[laughs maniacally]'' MY WIG! ===''Buki Buki Boo Boo / Signs of Spring''=== ===''Wayne's Cycle Recycle / Wayne's Wet Pet''=== ===''X Marks the Spot! / Eubie's View''=== :''[Eubie is finishing up his painting of the beautiful sunset on the easel before going to bed]'' :'''Flappy''': Beautiful! ''[squawks]'' Beautiful! ''[whistles]'' :'''Eubie''': It sure is, Flappy. This might be the best sunset yet. :''[Aunt Mellie and Uncle Zooter enter his bedroom]'' :'''Uncle Zooter''': How's the painting… :'''Aunt Mellie''': Coming along? :'''Eubie''': Almost finished. There! All done! :'''Aunt Mellie''': ''[amazed]'' Why, Eubie, darling. :'''Uncle Zooter''': It's simply beautiful. :'''Flappy''': Beautiful! Beautiful! :'''Aunt Mellie''': But now… :'''Uncle Zooter''': It's time for you to go to bed. :'''Eubie''': Aw. :'''Uncle Zooter''': Don't worry, Eubie. There will be… :'''Aunt Mellie''': Another sunset tomorrow. ===''Wing-a-ding Whirly Box / Windy Watchers''=== ===''Choo Choo Zucchini / Something Ducky Going On''=== :''[The Higgly Kids gasp in surprise at their zucchini's enormous size when they enter the backyard]'' :'''Fran''': Oh, get your peppers around that! :'''Wayne''': Our little seed grew, grew, grew! :'''Kip''': Come on! Let's put in Eubie's wagon and take it to the show! :'''Eubie''': Uh-oh! I don't think Mr. Zucchini is going to fit in my wagon. :'''Fran''': Nope. That veggie's gonna need a special delivery. {{line}} :'''Wayne''': If we don't find something strong enough, fast enough, and big enough, we're never gonna get Mr. Zucchini to corn county in time for the Fruit and Veggie Spectacular. ===''Fripp's Flip-flap Flop / Say Cheese''=== :'''Wayne and Twinkle''': Uncle Lemmo?! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Yep, I’m a Higglytown Hero. :'''All''': Wow! ===''Canyon Capers / Highcountry Hiccups''=== ==''Calling All Heroes''== :''[While setting up the party decorations in the backyard to celebrate Wayne's birthday, a flash of thunder and lightning strikes and a strong wind starts blowing away all the decorations]'' :'''Kip''': My hat! :'''Twinkle''': My tiara! :'''Wayne''': My pizza! :'''Twinkle''': Oh, no! :'''Plunkie''': Quickly, everybody! Help grab what you can and hop indoors before it starts to rain. {{line}} :'''Plunkie''': What a terrible storm! We should stay away from the window in case it rains. :''[Thunder and lightning strike from the dark grey clouds]'' :'''Twinkle''': Here comes the rain! :'''Plunkie''': I'm just glad we all managed to get indoors in time. :'''Kip''': Oh, no! Look at Pizza Guy! :''[Pizza Guy drives through the storm, steering out of control and pizza pellets fly out from the back of his van]'' :'''Eubie''': I hope Pizza Guy is okay. :'''Fran''': That was a close one. :'''Wayne''': But wait a second. I just thought of something. Didn't Pizza Guy say you're only supposed to add "one" drop of water to his pizza pellets? :'''Kip''': I think so. Why? :'''Wayne''': Because all of his pizza pellets just went flying out into the storm! What's gonna happen when those pellets get soaking wet?! {{line}} :''[After the horrible storm leaves Higglytown, Kip and Eubie reunite with their families]'' :'''Bitty''': Kip? :'''Kip''': Mom! :'''Aunt Millie''': Eubie! :'''Bitty''': Are you all right? :'''Aunt Millie''': We tried callin'. :'''Uncle Zooter''': But all the phones in town are dead. :'''Fripp''': Then we had to wait till the storm was over until we could head out. :'''Bitty''': Oh, we've been so worried! :'''Plunkie''': Don't worry. We've all been safe inside. ===''Happy Flappy Birthday / Cuckoo County Cawcaw Contest''=== ===''Little Big Fish / Good Sports''=== ===''Tis' the Season to Be Snowy / Bingo Bongos''=== :'''Fripp''': That’s one hippity-hop idea, Twinkle. But hopping cave hippos like to live in caves where it’s nice and quiet. Bringing them to a concert might hurt their ears. ===''Wayne's Toasty Invention / Spell It Safe''=== ==External Links== {{Wikipedia}} [[Category:American children's TV shows]] ex38347b03oavgclzxk6jcot43icw04 3778635 3778634 2025-07-14T13:29:24Z 2603:6010:AF00:AAF8:9D79:930A:E716:8326 /* Twinkle's Favorite Author / Don't Fence Me In */ 3778635 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Higglytown Heroes|Higglytown Heroes]]''''' is an American computer-animated children's television series that premiered on September 12, 2004 and on January 7, 2008 in the United States. More episodes are coming soon. ==''Season 1''== ===''Up A Tree / Missing Grandpop''=== :'''Jennifer Whiskers''': She must be lost! :'''All''': LOST?! ===''Twinkle Tooth / Flower Power''=== :[''[[w:Twinkle (Higglytown Heroes)|Twinkle]] gasps''] :'''[[w:Eubie (Higglytown Heroes)|Eubie]]''': What’s wrong, Twinkle? ''[cuts to Twinkle]'' :'''Twinkle''': My tooth! It’s- it’s loose! :'''[[w:Wayne (Higglytown Heroes)|Wayne]]''': Oh No! Somebody do something! :'''Eubie''': It’s okay, Twinkle. All kids loose their baby teeth. :'''Twinkle''': They do? ===''Flappy's Not Happy / Electric Evening''=== ===''Smooth Operator / Sticky Situation''=== :'''Bitty''': ''[goes over the phone and answers it]'' Hello? :'''Eubie''': I wonder who's calling. :'''[[w:Kip (Higglytown Heroes)|Kip]]''': With a phone call, it could be ''anybody.'' :'''Wayne''': I hope it's not my mom calling because she found those brussel sprouts in the umbrella stand. :''[A 2D animated sequence in a thought cloud shows Plunkie calling Bitty, dumping brussel sprouts out of the umbrella stand]'' :'''Plunkie''': I'm sure there is a perfectly reasonable explanation, Bitty. I just don't know what it is. {{line}} :'''Bitty''': ''[hangs up; to the kids]'' That was Grandma-ma. I have to take her to visit Aunt Susie this afternoon, so I won't be able to help make macaroni hats after all. I'm very sorry, kids. I know I said I would, but I really have to go with Grandma-ma. :'''Twinkle''': And I thought we were going to have a lot of fun today. :'''Wayne''': Yeah, fun. ===''Weather or Not / Green In the Gills''=== :'''Twinkle''': That's prettier than a unicorn dressed up like a princess. Oh, I love a breezy breeze. :'''Kids''': Whoa! :'''Wayne''': Whoopsie. :''[barrel crash]'' :'''[[w:Fran (Higglytown Heroes)|Fran]]''': Oh, no! :'''Kids''': Whoa! :'''Wayne''': Stop that barrel! :''[barrel crash again]'' :'''Fran''': ''[sadly]'' My barrel's broken, and all my acorns all gone. Acorn day is runied. I need a time out. ==''Halloween Heroes''== :'''Fran''': It’s when all the ghosts and goblins and monsters come out for spooky fun. ''[cuts to the kids]'' :'''Wayne''': There aren’t really any monsters, are there, Fran? :'''Fran''': Oh, don’t worry, Wayne. There’s no such thing as… ''[cuts to Uncle Lemmo opening the door with a Jack-o’-lantern to scare the kids]'' '''MONSTERS!!!!!!!''' :''[zooms at Uncle Lemmo, cuts to the kids scream in terror, cuts back to Uncle Lemmo dropping his pumpkin after screaming in fear, cuts back to the kids]'' :'''All''': Uncle Lemmo?! ''[move to Uncle Lemmo after he was revealed, cuts to the kids moving to talk to Uncle Lemmo]'' :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Oh, kids! You nearly startled me right outta my pants. :'''Eubie''': We thought you were a pumpkin monster! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Nope, just being my Jack'o'lantern. Ugh, looks like I'm gonna have to carve a new one now. ''[scene wipes to Uncle Lemmo carving another Jack'o'Lantern]'' :'''Twinkle''': Why do we make Jack o lanterns on Halloween, anyway? :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Do you kids mean to tell me that you’ve never heard the story of the first Jack’o’Lantern? :'''Eubie''': Nuh-uh! :'''Kip''': Tell us! :'''Twinkle''': Please tell us, Uncle Lemmo! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': It all started in Higglytown a long, long time ago. :'''Black Cat''': ''[meows]'' :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Every year in Higglytown had a big Halloween Party. :'''Albert the Vampire''': ''[as Plunkie departures him]'' Ugh! <hr width=50%> :'''Jennifer Whiskers''': ''[sniffs, then pinches her nose]'' Eew… ''[walks away from Jake the archer and Albert the vampire]'' :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Now- back then, they were five friends. And just like everyone else in Higglytown, these friends couldn’t wait for Halloween! :'''Kip''': I’m a robot! :'''Twinkle''': A princess. :'''Eubie''': A walrus! :'''Fran''': A bat! :'''Wayne''': An Alien-Clown-Cowboy, imagine that! <hr width=50%> :'''Pumpkin Monster''': Of course I can, I’m a scary monster, and scary monsters are very mean! ''[shakes Fran the bat]'' :'''Fran''': Oh, well, I suppose you’re right about that! :'''Pumpkin Monster''': ''[takes Fran the bat to his Pumpkin Castle]'' Bwaaaah! <hr width=50%> :'''Pumpkin Monster''': ''[gets the pumpkin key, then runs down the stairs making monster noises]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Eubie''': I’m phoning a friend. ''[Bernice’s phone rings]'' :'''Bernice''': Hello. :'''Eubie''': Hi, Bernice. I was wondering if you could do us a really big favor. <hr width=50%> :'''Wayne''': Agh! ''[hides inside Eubie, then they walk up to the pumpkin castle]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Fran''': There's just one problem. :'''Twinkle''': What is that? :'''Fran''': The Pumpkin Monster is STANDING RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!!!!! :'''Eubie, Wayne, Twinkle, Kip and the Pumpkin Monster''': AAAH!!!!!!! :''[they hide inside themselves]'' :'''Pumpkin Monster''': So, you thought you could come and rescue Fran the bat? Hahaha. <hr width=50%> :'''Pumpkin Monster''': Where did I put that key? ''[pulls out the umbrella]'' No that's not it. ''[throws the umbrella away. Next: the Pumpkin Monster pulls out a seat]'' Oh no. That's a chair. ''[throws a seat away. Next: the Pumpkin Monster pulls out a French Horn then he plays lively jazz music with the French Horn then throws the French Horn away.]'' Nope. ''[pulls out the key, which is correct]'' Aha! :'''Eubie''': We’e on our way, Fran! :'''Kip''': I’ve got the key, Fran! <hr width=50%> :'''Pumpkin Monster''': Friends sound terrific! Ah. If only I had some. :'''Eubie''': You silly monster! We’ll be your friend. :'''Pumpkin Monster''': Hot Diggity! ===''Smells Like a Mystery / Ship Ahoy!''=== Down, Boy. Down! Hal, Stucky. Hal! No, Huggy. No! {{line}} :'''Fripp''': My hot dog cart is gone! :'''Kip''': It was here just a minute ago. :'''Wayne''': Where could it be? {{line}} :'''Eubie''': ''[after Fripp sings his Hot Dog Cart Blues song; sniffs sadly]'' That's the saddest song I've ever heard. {{line}} :'''Eubie''': Hey, that's not a hot dog cart! :'''Wayne''': Yeah, that's a seal. {{line}} :'''Kip''': Wow, are you a Higglytown Hero? :'''Policewoman''': Sure. But you know else is a Higglytown Hero? Our police dog, Jiffy. ===''All Tire'd Out / Great Un-expectations''=== :'''Wayne''': When in doubt, pack everything. When it comes to the beach, you can never be too prepared. {{line}} :''[As the kids and Plunkie head on their way to the beach, the car gets a flat tire and comes to a stop in the middle of the road, and the kids cover their eyes]'' :'''Fran''': Oh my goodness gracious! :'''Eubie''': Is it thunder? Is it a monster? :'''Wayne''': Don't answer. I don't want to know! :'''Plunkie''': Oh, it's nothing to be afraid of. :'''Fran''': It's just a flat tire. :'''Plunkie''': ''[hops out of the car and inspects the tire]'' Oh! :'''Twinkle''': Mom, does this mean we're not going to the beach? ===''Soup With Stars / The Happy Friendly Sparkly Toast Club''=== ===''First Snow / Snow Dazed''=== :'''Kip''': I can't wear pink, with ribbons. :'''Twinkle''': Well, ''I'' want to wear pink, not green. :'''Wayne''': This jacket is itchy. :'''Eubie''': ''[shivering and freezing]'' Um… I'm kind of cold. :'''Fran''': Nice try, Higgly kids. But I don't think this is gonna work now. :'''Wayne''': Oh. How will we ever get bigger clothes? ===''Catch Up With Ketchup / Star Struck''=== :'''Twinkle''': Ooh. It's raining marshmallows! :''[Two marshmallows land on Wayne's glasses]'' :'''Kip''': Wayne, you got marshmallow on your glasses. :'''Wayne''': Uh, I can't see. Everything looks like it's covered in marshmallows. :'''Eubie''': ''[takes Wayne's glasses off his eyes]'' Maybe I can wipe your glasses off with my shirt. :'''Kip''': No. We can take them inside and wash them off. :'''Wayne''': Wait! I only clean them with my special cleaning cloth. ''[runs into Eubie and Kip, and accidentally breaks his glasses]'' :'''Eubie and Kip''': Uh-oh! :'''Wayne''': What happened? :'''Twinkle''': Oh, no! Wayne! Your glasses are broken! :'''Wayne''': Broken?! I can't wear my glasses if they're broken! And if I can't wear my glasses, I can't see clearly! ''[in his POV, his vision is all blurry]'' It looks… blurry. Like I'm opening my eyes underwater. If everything is blurry, then I'm not gonna be able to see the shooting stars! What am I gonna do? {{line}} :'''Fran''': Oh, that's a mighty fine idea, Twinkle. Yes, sir, but I'm afraid that lenses made of ice would just melt. :'''Twinkle''': Aw, pickles. ''[snaps fingers in disappointment]'' ==''Twinkle's Wish''== ===''Twinkle's Masterpiece / The Egg-cellent Adventure''=== :'''Wayne''': ''[curiously]'' Gee, Mom. Don't we even get a hint where we're going? :'''Plunkie''': No. I told you-- it's a surprise. You'll see when we get there. :'''Fran''': Can anyone guess where we're going? :'''Twinkle''': Oh, I hope we're going to the pink puppy poodle palace so we can see all the pink poodles. :'''Plunkie''': You don't have to guess anymore, kids. We're here! ''[they arrive at an artist's house]'' This is where my friend Nikki lives. She's an artist, and she's gonna give you art lessons. :'''Twinkle''': Art lessons? :'''Kids''': Cool! :''[A moment later, they stand in front of the front door as Nikki, a blind artist, answers]'' :'''Nikki''': Wow. You're right on time! Hey there, future artists. I'm Nikki. :'''Kids''': Hi, Nikki. {{line}} :'''Phil''': Ooh, looks like I'll be juggling melons again. {{line}} :'''Eubie''': Grandpop Crank? ''You're'' a Higglytown Hero? ===''Wayne's Ripping Adventure / Meet Eubie's Cousin''=== :'''Kip''': Wow, Twinkle. You're going to be great at your recital. :'''Eubie''': So a recital is when you perform in front of a lot of people? :'''Fran''': That's right, Eubie. :'''Twinkle''': I wish you could all come, but this recital is only for family members, like my mom and Wayne. :'''Wayne''': Yeah. I can't wait to go. {{line}} :'''Plunkie''': ''[reminding Wayne]'' Remember that tonight is a special night for Twinkle. I want you to look your best. So once you put on your good clothes, be careful to keep them nice and clean. :'''Wayne''': Don't worry, Mom. I will. {{line}} :'''Wayne''': ''[horrified when he accidentally rips his pants]'' Oh, no! I've ripped my good pants! ''[sadly]'' Mom said I have to look nice in my good clothes if I want to go to Twinkle's recital. What am I gonna do? ''[starts singing his Ripped Pants Blues song] ♪ When I woke up this morning, the sun was in the sky :''When I looked in the mirror,'' :''I sure was lookin' fine!'' :''It was the day of the recital: my sister's ballet debut'' :''I'll never see her dance now 'cause of the ripped pants, can't go blues'' :''My mom said, "Be careful." She said, "Stay nice and clean."'' :''When she sees what I've done here, she's gonna turn a sickly green!'' :''My best pants are in tatters, and my shirt is dirty too!'' :''I'm gonna miss the ballet 'cause of the ripped pants, can't go blues'' :''I tried to be careful, I just made one mistake'' :''The rest of the family's going, but I'm gonna miss Swan Lake'' :''Now my whole life is ruined, and my heart is broken too'' :''I'm gonna miss the ballet 'cause of the ripped pants… can't go blues'' :''Yeah… ♪'' :'''Eubie''': ''[remorsefully after the song ends]'' That's the saddest song I've ever heard. {{line}} :'''Wayne''': Please don't be mad, Twinkle. I really wanted to look nice for your recital. It was an accident. ===''Say What? / Higgly Harmonies''=== :'''Twinkle''': ''[plays her Flamingo Cello]'' How was that, mom? ===''Patty Cake / Having a Ball''=== :'''Wayne''': Yeah, If they don't get more bread, well never to make our sandwiches. and If they don't get make sandwiches, well never to go on our picnic! ===''Wayne's Good Guess / Wayne's 100 Special Somethings''=== ===''Fran Takes a Hike / Mystery at Kip's House''=== :'''Wayne''': What are we gonna do?! ''[a thumping noise is heard again, everyone screams in terror]'' :'''Eubie''': If only there was someone special to help us! :'''Wayne''': ''[pops up then sings]'' Someone special, who could it be? :'''Twinkle''': ''[singing]'' This job’s too big for you and me! :'''Fran''': We need some help! :'''Kip''': But never fear-o! ===''Bright Sights, Big City / Kip's Shadow''=== :''[The Higgly kids, Aunt Mellie and Uncle Zooter, and Jax are riding an express train heading to Higgly Biggly City]'' :'''Fran''': Goodness gumballs! You kids sure are excited about this trip to Higgly Biggly City. :'''Twinkle''': Of course! Higgly Biggly City is the only place you can see ''Happy, Hairy, Higgly Monsters Live!'' :'''Eubie''': Thanks for taking us, Aunt Mellie and Uncle Zooter. :'''Aunt Mellie''': Of course, Eubie. :'''Uncle Zooter''': It's our pleasure. :'''Jax''': It sure was great to visit you guys in Higglytown, but now I can't wait for you all to see ''my'' home city. :'''Kip''': And I can't wait to see ''Happy, Hairy, Higgly Monsters Live.'' :'''Wayne''': Me, too. It's supposed to be the best show on Higglyway, and it has ''all'' the Happy, Hairy, Higgly Monsters! {{line}} :''[The gang arrives at the theater on Higglyway for the show, only to find that it isn't open yet]'' :'''Uncle Zooter''': Gee, it looks like… :'''Aunt Mellie''': The theater isn't open yet. :'''Kids''': ''[disappointed]'' Aw! :'''Aunt Mellie''': ''[checks the time on her watch]'' The show doesn't start… :'''Uncle Zooter''': ''[checks the time on his watch]'' For another few hours. :'''Jax''': I've got an idea. Since we have plenty of time, why don't we go see the Higgly Biggly City sights? :'''Aunt Mellie''': Why, Jax, I declare I think that's… a super-dupity idea. {{line}} :'''Twinkle''': Can you take a bride and groom to a fancy ballroom? :'''Taxi Driver Hero''': I'd love to! :'''Wayne''': Or drive a bobcat to a laundromat? :'''Taxi Driver Hero''': If he's got the fare. ===''Kip Joins the Circus / Baby Boom''=== :'''Twinkle''': What’s that? :'''Fran''': Everyone’s already run for cover. :'''Twinkle''': Aw pickles. ''[runs for cover with the others]'' :'''Wayne''': Why did it have to rain? How can we have our circus in the rain? :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Don’t worry, Wayne. I think it’s just a little shower. Look! The rain’s lighten up already. ''[the Higgly Kids look at the rain lighting up]'' :'''Kip''': Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s get back to the Fricky Frack Funhouse circus! Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go! ''[a storm clap is heard]'' Or maybe we could wait a little longer. ''[a thunder clap hits Fricky Frack Funhouse setting it on fire]'' :'''Twinkle''': Oh no! Look! Fricky Frack Funhouse is on fire! ''[zooms to Fricky Frack Funhouse on fire]'' :'''Uncle Lemmo''': This is terrible! We can’t let Fricky Frack Funhouse burnt down! :'''Wayne''': Can somebody do something?! :'''Eubie''': We really need the help of someone special right away! ===''Twinkle's Favorite Author / Don't Fence Me In''=== :'''Pizza Guy''': Look out below! :'''Kip''': Oh, no the pizza! :'''Library Man''': The library! :'''Twinkle''': And worst of all, PJ Butternut is trapped inside! {{line}}: :'''Uncle Lemmo and Gloria''': What? It’s my fence! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': If it’s your fence, what’s it doing on my property? :'''Gloria''': It’s not on your property, it’s on my property! And I’m painting my fence on my property yellow! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Purple! :'''Gloria''': Yellow! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': PURPLE! :'''Gloria''': Yellow! ===''Higgly Hoedown / Eubie's Turbo Sled''=== ===''Kip's Sweet Tooth / Wayne's Lollipop''=== :'''Kip''': Chocolate on chocolate? Way to go, Wayne. :'''Wayne''': But you haven't seen my secret ingredient. I call it, my "Choco-toast-tastic ice cream sandwich sundae." :'''Kip''': Nice going, Eubie. I hope it tastes as good as it looks. :'''Eubie''': My secret ingredient: lucky 4-leaf clover cookie for good luck. :'''Kip''': Ha! That's one nutty sundae, Fran. :'''Fran''': Oh, the nuttier the better, I always say. {{line}} :'''Dentist Hero''': So, what's the problem, Kip? ''[Kip mumbles indistinctly with his mouth wide open]'' Sorry, Kip. I can't understand what you're saying. :'''Bitty''': (He said) He tried to eat some ice cream, but every time he took a bite, it hurt. :'''Dentist Hero''': Well, I have to take a close look at your teeth, but it sounds like you might have a cavity. :'''Kip''': A ''cavity?!'' {{line}} :'''Wayne''': ''[witnessing a gigantic rainbow lollipop]'' Wow! That's a really big lollipop! :'''Candy Cart Owner''': A gargantuan giant lollipop is what I call it. :'''Wayne''': It's got so many colors. :'''Candy Cart Owner''': Every color of the rainbow, and each one's a different flavor on the tongue. Green is sublimely lime. Red is raucous raspberry. Blue is… :'''Twinkle''': Catch it! :'''Kip''': I got it! I got it! :'''Eubie''': Excuse me. :'''Wayne''': The blue is blueberry? :'''Candy Cart Owner''': Burstin' blueberry. That swirl of yellow is lipsmackin' lemon, and the purple is… :'''Wayne''': Grape-jelly grape. Those are all my favorite flavors. {{line}} :'''Kip''': Wow! That's the biggest jumbo lollipop I've ever seen! :'''Twinkle''': It's gonna take you forever to lick. :'''Eubie''': Or even longer. {{line}} :'''Fran''': My, oh, my, that's one colorful idea there, Twinkle. But the thing is, Higglytown's kinda low on Leprechauns this time of year, don't ya know? :'''Twinkle''': ''[disappointed]'' Aw…pickles. :'''Wayne''': This is terrible. If I can't find a way to get this lollipop out of my hair, it's gonna be stuck on my head forever. What am I gonna do?! ===''Kip's Dad Gets a Strike / A Really Hot Day''=== :'''Fripp''': '''STOP THAT BALL!!!''' :'''[[w:Pizza Guy (Higglytown Heroes)|Pizza Guy]]''': This looks like a job for Pizza Guy! <hr width=50%> :'''Pizza Guy''': ''[passing the Nacho Brothers: Vince, Stephen and Alex on his skateboard]'' Sorry, Nacho Brothers! Almost there! Almost there! :''[X-57 Strike King ball crash]'' :'''Fripp''': ''[sadly]'' Oh, no. My X-57 Strike King. It's broken. ===''Higgly Frog Day / Eubie's Ele-fantastic Adventure''=== :'''Kip''': I wonder where Fran is. She said she was gonna meet us here. :'''Wayne''': Yeah. Where could she be? :'''Fran''': ''[hopping towards the kids, wearing a frog hat]'' Ribbit. Ribbit. Ribbit. Don't ya know? :'''Twinkle''': Fran, why are you wearing that hat? :'''Fran''': Oh, my wiggly whiskers. You kids didn't forget, did you? :'''Wayne''': Forget what? :'''Fran''': Why, it's Higgly Frog Day! :'''Eubie''': Higgly Frog Day? :'''Twinkle''': ''[remembers]'' Oh, yeah! I remember! Lots of higgly frogs live in Higgly Swamp. But during the winter, it gets too cold for that. So every winter, the higgly frogs hop south where it's nice and warm. :'''Fran''': But after winter is over, the higgly frogs return to their homes in Higgly Swamp on this very same day every year. :'''Twinkle''': And they hop right through Higglytown on their way to the swamp. :'''Fran''': That's right. So every year, Higglytown holds a big celebration in the town square to welcome the higgly frogs as they pass through Higglytown on their way to their swampy homes. :'''Kip''': Well, let's get to the town square. Let's go, let's go, let's go! {{line}} :'''Uncle Lemmo''': The frogs are on their way! Let's start the parade, I say! {{line}} :''[As the higgly frogs hop down the street, they soon get stuck in all the confetti and streamers]'' :'''Eubie''': The higgly frogs can't hop through all the confetti and streamers. :'''Fran''': They sure can't. That's one big mess out there in the street. You betcha. :'''Wayne''': This is terrible! The higgly frogs can't hop through all this trash. We need to think of some way to get rid of it. :'''Eubie''': But how? :'''Twinkle''': ''[gets an idea]'' Oh! Oh! I know, I know, I know! First, we make a big stack of flippy floppy flapjacks. The flying fluffy frog fairies can come eat up all the flippy floppy flapjacks. The flippy floppy flapjacks will give the flying fluffy frog fairies the magical energy they need to change all the trash into little tiny bugs. :'''Wayne''': Wait a second. I don't think I like this plan. :'''Twinkle''': Why not? :'''Wayne''': I don't want all those flies flying around. :'''Twinkle''': They won't. Because higgly frogs love to eat up all the bugs they can. Then the trash will be all gone and the higgly frogs will happily hop off to Higgly Swamp with happy, full frogs tummies. :'''Fran''': That's one magical idea there, Twinkle. But there's just one problem. Flying fluffy frog fairies don't like flippy floppy flapjacks. :'''Twinkle''': ''[snaps her fingers in disappointment]'' Aw, pickles. :'''Kip''': We could clean the trash up. But there's too much. It'll take us forever to clean all this up. :'''Wayne''': What are we gonna do? We have to get all this trash cleaned up or the higgly frogs are never gonna get to Higgly Swamp. :'''Eubie''': As Higgly Frog hop-along leader, I declare that we need the help of someone special. {{line}} :'''Eubie''': Could you sweep a thousand pies if they're falling from the skies? :'''Kip''': Can you clean up the grime of a sticky monster's slime? :'''Street Sweeper Hero''': ''♪ Monster slime or falling pie / You can wave them all bye-bye / Cleaning up is what I do / On any street or avenue ♪'' {{line}} :'''Twinkle''': Thanks, Ms. Street Sweeper. :'''Kip''': We never could've cleared up the streets without you. :'''Street Sweeper Hero''': Shucks. I'm glad to help out the higgly frogs. Besides, I was just doing my job. Keeping Higglytown clean helps make it a great place to live. :'''Wayne''': It sure does. :'''Street Sweeper Hero''': But remember, everyone, cleaning up is great. But it's even better to keep things clean in the first place. So if you remember not to litter, you can be… :'''Kids''': Higglytown Heroes! ===''Wayne's Letter Factory / Live at the Birthday Lounges''=== ==''Season 2''== ===''Twinkle, Twinkle Little Fish / All the Wrong Moves''=== ===''Kip Gets Swing Fever / Wayne's Pieces of Gold''=== ===''All Warm Inside / Calling All Ducks''=== :'''Kip''': My Flylophone sounds just as good as the last time it buzzed. ''[hears bongo noises and then, Fran pops out playing her bongos]'' :'''Fran''': Oh, and my bongo drums sound mighty funky, yes sir! <hr width=50%> :'''Pizza Guy''': Can I bring my Electric Pizza-lin? :'''Kip''': Sure! The more instruments the better. :'''Pizza Guy''': Totally radical! Yeah! Whoo! <hr width=50%> :'''Wayne''': I got my Wayneatone! ''[plays it, and then Twinkle pops out with her Flamingo Cello]'' :'''Twinkle''': And I got my Flamingo Cello! ''[plays it]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Eubie''': Oh, Bouncylodeon! How I’ve missed you! ''[gets it on the wagon, Aunt Mellie and Uncle Zooter arrive]'' :'''Aunt Mellie''': Our Loop-A-Pop-A-Squeak-A-Phone… :'''Uncle Zooter''': Is gonna sound great on the lake! ===''The Totally Secret Valentine / A Valentine for Ms. Fern''=== ===''Cry Baby Pookie / Wait for Me''=== :''[The Higgly kids and Bitty enter Pookie's room to surprise her as she's woken up from her nap]'' :'''Wayne''': ''[whispering]'' I wonder what Pookie's gonna say when we tell her it's her birthday. :'''Twinkle''': ''[whispering]'' I know. She's gonna say, "Goo-goo ga-ga, kee-kee!" :'''Kids''': ''[whispering]'' Happy Birthday, Pookie. :''[Pookie suddenly starts crying]'' :'''Eubie''': Oh, no. Pookie's crying. :'''Twinkle''': What happened to the "Goo ga-ga, kee-kee?" :'''Wayne''': Oopsie. Did we do something wrong? :'''Bitty''': No. It's not your fault, kids. Babies often cry when they wake up from their naps. Sometimes they just want be held. ''[picks up Pookie from her bed for comfort]'' Watch. There, there, Pookie-poo. Mommy's here. Everything's all right. :''[Pookie cries louder]'' :'''Kip''': She's still crying, Mom. {{line}} :'''Kip''': Poor Pookie. She's supposed to be happy on her birthday, not sad. :'''Twinkle''': If only there was some way we could make her smile. {{line}} :'''Wayne''': If Pookie doesn't stop crying, she won't have a happy birthday. And if Pookie doesn't have a happy birthday-- :'''Twinkle''': She'll have a sad birthday. ===''Balloon-a-palooza / Wayne's Day Out''=== ==''The Fran In the Moon''== ===''Me and My Shadow / Out to Sea''=== :'''Kip''': Give me that flag! :'''Twinkle''': ''[giggles]'' He thinks it's a game. :'''Kip''': But it's not a game. ''[annoyed]'' Uhh! Shadow, listen to me! Stop right now! :'''Eubie''': Um, Kip, Shadow's not stopping. :'''Wayne''': He's not doing ''anything'' you say. :'''Kip''': I know. What am I gonna do? {{line}} :'''Ms. Fern''': Down, Shadow! Down! :'''Kip''': Sorry, Ms. Fern. I tried to control Shadow all morning, but I guess I just can't. :'''Wayne''': This is awful! Our tower is toppled! Our classroom is a mess! :'''Twinkle''': There's dog slobber everywhere. :'''Wayne''': What are we gonna do? ===''Don't Wayne On My Parade / Twinkle's Terrific Twirl''=== ===''Wayne's Big, Big Discovery / Dirigible Day''=== ==''The Legend of Higgsquatch''== ===''Eubie's Big Boat Float / A Slippery Situation''=== ==''Higgly Island''== ===''Corn to Be Wild / Overnight Moose''=== ===''Shear Luck / Big Night Out''=== ===''Kip's Rocket Rescue / Let's Get Moving''=== :''[The Higgly kids arrive at Kip's grandparent's house with some boxes sitting in front]'' :'''Kip''': Grandpa-pa! Grandma-ma! :'''Grandpa-pa''': Hey there, Kip. :'''Grandma-ma''': It's so good to see you. :'''Kip''': It's good to see you, too. :'''Grandma-ma''': What brings you kids here today? :'''Kip''': We came up here to get some cardboard boxes so we can make a pizza palace for our backyard Higgly Biggly City. :'''Fripp''': Aw, sorry, Kip. But Grandpa-pa and Grandma-ma need all their cardboard boxes. Today is the day they're moving. :'''Eubie, Wayne & Twinkle''': Moving?! :'''Kip''': I knew you were moving, but I didn't know you were moving today. :'''Wayne''': But we don't want you to move away. :'''Kip''': Don't worry. They're not moving far away, just to a brand new house in another part of Higglytown. :'''Eubie, Wayne & Twinkle''': A brand-new house? {{line}} :'''Fripp''': ''[takes an old baseball glove off the shelf]'' Wow. There are so many memories down here. Hard to believe you're packing up and moving out of the house I grew up in. :'''Kip''': ''[finds a baby photo album and blows off the dust]'' What's this, Dad? :'''Fripp''': Hey, it's my baby photo album. I bet there's lots of great memories in there. :'''Kip''': ''[opens the photo album and finds a photo of Baby Fripp]'' Is that you, Dad? :'''Fripp''': It sure is. :'''Grandma-ma''': Why, that's your father back when he was a brand new, tiny baby. ''[turns the page to more Baby Fripp photos]'' :'''Eubie''': You sure were a cute baby, Mr. Kip's Dad. :'''Twinkle''': Yeah! You were a cutesy wootsey wootsey woo. :''[Everyone else laughs as Fripp frowns in embarrassment]'' :'''Grandma-ma''': Your dad used to like it when I'd say, "Gootchie gootchie wah wah." :'''Fripp''': Sorry, everyone, but we have to pack this, too. ===''Calling All Cars! / Amazing Museum''=== ===''Frozen Fish Follies / Look Who's Squawking''=== ===''Eubie's Pink Dots / Two Bees or Not Two Bees''=== ===''Wayne's Day to Shine / Wayne Listens Up''=== :'''Wayne''': ''[slips]'' Whoa, whoa! :''[Wayne knocks off the ladder then, the bottom of the ladder pushes the paint buckets]'' :'''All''': ''[gasp after they got paint all over themselves]'' Our Costumes! :'''Wayne''': Heh, whoopsie! ===''A Hopping Popping Problem / Hay Hay Hay!''=== ==''Season 3''== ===''Happy Campers / All Washed Out''=== ===''Hats All Folks / Hop Hop Hooray''=== ===''Shuffleboard Buddies / All Mapped Out''=== ===''12-Pie Abe / The Day the Dinner Stood Still''=== :'''Longest Beard Mike''': Look! Aliens from another planet! I told ya! Didn’t I tell ya?! I told ya! ===''Saturday Night Higgly / Monster Sandwiches''=== :'''Eubie''': ''[to Kip as Fripp continues hopping nonstop with the CD skipping]'' Um, Kip, what's wrong with your dad? :'''Wayne''': Yeah. Why won't he stop hopping? {{line}} :'''Kip''': Are you okay, Dad? :'''Fripp''': I'm fine. But look at this CD. It's covered with scratches. And without ''Freddy Fever Disco Beaver,'' my dancing days are over. :'''Wayne''': Say it isn't so! You practiced so hard. Plus, I skipped my toast break so I'd have extra room… for the Banana Horn! What are we gonna do?! :'''Eubie''': Um, get someone special to help us? {{line}} :'''Musician Hero #1''': ''♪ We're musicians, clap your hands / We play instruments in our band / Bringing you joy is our goal / With Rock / Jazz / Disco / And Soul! ♪'' :'''Musician Hero #2''': ''♪ We practice songs every day / 'Cause we love to sing and play / Note for note and beat to beat / You'll be dancing cheek to cheek ♪'' :'''Wayne''': Could you play some cool bebop for some hep cats and their pops? :'''Twinkle''': Could you whisk away the blues for a tortoise with the flu? :'''Musician Hero #1''': ''♪ Blues for reptiles, jazz for cats / Our music is where it's at ♪'' :'''Musician Hero #2''': ''♪ Music is a happy sound / Loved the whole wide world around ♪'' ===''The Big Pink Elephant Sale / Higglies On Horseback''=== ===''Easy to Get Sneezy / Unlock the Magic''=== :'''Plunkie''': Allergic is when you have a ''bad'' reaction to something. {{line}} :'''Jessi''': My wig! ''[laughs maniacally]'' MY WIG! ===''Buki Buki Boo Boo / Signs of Spring''=== ===''Wayne's Cycle Recycle / Wayne's Wet Pet''=== ===''X Marks the Spot! / Eubie's View''=== :''[Eubie is finishing up his painting of the beautiful sunset on the easel before going to bed]'' :'''Flappy''': Beautiful! ''[squawks]'' Beautiful! ''[whistles]'' :'''Eubie''': It sure is, Flappy. This might be the best sunset yet. :''[Aunt Mellie and Uncle Zooter enter his bedroom]'' :'''Uncle Zooter''': How's the painting… :'''Aunt Mellie''': Coming along? :'''Eubie''': Almost finished. There! All done! :'''Aunt Mellie''': ''[amazed]'' Why, Eubie, darling. :'''Uncle Zooter''': It's simply beautiful. :'''Flappy''': Beautiful! Beautiful! :'''Aunt Mellie''': But now… :'''Uncle Zooter''': It's time for you to go to bed. :'''Eubie''': Aw. :'''Uncle Zooter''': Don't worry, Eubie. There will be… :'''Aunt Mellie''': Another sunset tomorrow. ===''Wing-a-ding Whirly Box / Windy Watchers''=== ===''Choo Choo Zucchini / Something Ducky Going On''=== :''[The Higgly Kids gasp in surprise at their zucchini's enormous size when they enter the backyard]'' :'''Fran''': Oh, get your peppers around that! :'''Wayne''': Our little seed grew, grew, grew! :'''Kip''': Come on! Let's put in Eubie's wagon and take it to the show! :'''Eubie''': Uh-oh! I don't think Mr. Zucchini is going to fit in my wagon. :'''Fran''': Nope. That veggie's gonna need a special delivery. {{line}} :'''Wayne''': If we don't find something strong enough, fast enough, and big enough, we're never gonna get Mr. Zucchini to corn county in time for the Fruit and Veggie Spectacular. ===''Fripp's Flip-flap Flop / Say Cheese''=== :'''Wayne and Twinkle''': Uncle Lemmo?! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Yep, I’m a Higglytown Hero. :'''All''': Wow! ===''Canyon Capers / Highcountry Hiccups''=== ==''Calling All Heroes''== :''[While setting up the party decorations in the backyard to celebrate Wayne's birthday, a flash of thunder and lightning strikes and a strong wind starts blowing away all the decorations]'' :'''Kip''': My hat! :'''Twinkle''': My tiara! :'''Wayne''': My pizza! :'''Twinkle''': Oh, no! :'''Plunkie''': Quickly, everybody! Help grab what you can and hop indoors before it starts to rain. {{line}} :'''Plunkie''': What a terrible storm! We should stay away from the window in case it rains. :''[Thunder and lightning strike from the dark grey clouds]'' :'''Twinkle''': Here comes the rain! :'''Plunkie''': I'm just glad we all managed to get indoors in time. :'''Kip''': Oh, no! Look at Pizza Guy! :''[Pizza Guy drives through the storm, steering out of control and pizza pellets fly out from the back of his van]'' :'''Eubie''': I hope Pizza Guy is okay. :'''Fran''': That was a close one. :'''Wayne''': But wait a second. I just thought of something. Didn't Pizza Guy say you're only supposed to add "one" drop of water to his pizza pellets? :'''Kip''': I think so. Why? :'''Wayne''': Because all of his pizza pellets just went flying out into the storm! What's gonna happen when those pellets get soaking wet?! {{line}} :''[After the horrible storm leaves Higglytown, Kip and Eubie reunite with their families]'' :'''Bitty''': Kip? :'''Kip''': Mom! :'''Aunt Millie''': Eubie! :'''Bitty''': Are you all right? :'''Aunt Millie''': We tried callin'. :'''Uncle Zooter''': But all the phones in town are dead. :'''Fripp''': Then we had to wait till the storm was over until we could head out. :'''Bitty''': Oh, we've been so worried! :'''Plunkie''': Don't worry. We've all been safe inside. ===''Happy Flappy Birthday / Cuckoo County Cawcaw Contest''=== ===''Little Big Fish / Good Sports''=== ===''Tis' the Season to Be Snowy / Bingo Bongos''=== :'''Fripp''': That’s one hippity-hop idea, Twinkle. But hopping cave hippos like to live in caves where it’s nice and quiet. Bringing them to a concert might hurt their ears. ===''Wayne's Toasty Invention / Spell It Safe''=== ==External Links== {{Wikipedia}} [[Category:American children's TV shows]] swa34fk9tx0hy9dl3miosriteof1yqk 3778636 3778635 2025-07-14T13:29:36Z 2603:6010:AF00:AAF8:9D79:930A:E716:8326 /* Twinkle's Favorite Author / Don't Fence Me In */ 3778636 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Higglytown Heroes|Higglytown Heroes]]''''' is an American computer-animated children's television series that premiered on September 12, 2004 and on January 7, 2008 in the United States. More episodes are coming soon. ==''Season 1''== ===''Up A Tree / Missing Grandpop''=== :'''Jennifer Whiskers''': She must be lost! :'''All''': LOST?! ===''Twinkle Tooth / Flower Power''=== :[''[[w:Twinkle (Higglytown Heroes)|Twinkle]] gasps''] :'''[[w:Eubie (Higglytown Heroes)|Eubie]]''': What’s wrong, Twinkle? ''[cuts to Twinkle]'' :'''Twinkle''': My tooth! It’s- it’s loose! :'''[[w:Wayne (Higglytown Heroes)|Wayne]]''': Oh No! Somebody do something! :'''Eubie''': It’s okay, Twinkle. All kids loose their baby teeth. :'''Twinkle''': They do? ===''Flappy's Not Happy / Electric Evening''=== ===''Smooth Operator / Sticky Situation''=== :'''Bitty''': ''[goes over the phone and answers it]'' Hello? :'''Eubie''': I wonder who's calling. :'''[[w:Kip (Higglytown Heroes)|Kip]]''': With a phone call, it could be ''anybody.'' :'''Wayne''': I hope it's not my mom calling because she found those brussel sprouts in the umbrella stand. :''[A 2D animated sequence in a thought cloud shows Plunkie calling Bitty, dumping brussel sprouts out of the umbrella stand]'' :'''Plunkie''': I'm sure there is a perfectly reasonable explanation, Bitty. I just don't know what it is. {{line}} :'''Bitty''': ''[hangs up; to the kids]'' That was Grandma-ma. I have to take her to visit Aunt Susie this afternoon, so I won't be able to help make macaroni hats after all. I'm very sorry, kids. I know I said I would, but I really have to go with Grandma-ma. :'''Twinkle''': And I thought we were going to have a lot of fun today. :'''Wayne''': Yeah, fun. ===''Weather or Not / Green In the Gills''=== :'''Twinkle''': That's prettier than a unicorn dressed up like a princess. Oh, I love a breezy breeze. :'''Kids''': Whoa! :'''Wayne''': Whoopsie. :''[barrel crash]'' :'''[[w:Fran (Higglytown Heroes)|Fran]]''': Oh, no! :'''Kids''': Whoa! :'''Wayne''': Stop that barrel! :''[barrel crash again]'' :'''Fran''': ''[sadly]'' My barrel's broken, and all my acorns all gone. Acorn day is runied. I need a time out. ==''Halloween Heroes''== :'''Fran''': It’s when all the ghosts and goblins and monsters come out for spooky fun. ''[cuts to the kids]'' :'''Wayne''': There aren’t really any monsters, are there, Fran? :'''Fran''': Oh, don’t worry, Wayne. There’s no such thing as… ''[cuts to Uncle Lemmo opening the door with a Jack-o’-lantern to scare the kids]'' '''MONSTERS!!!!!!!''' :''[zooms at Uncle Lemmo, cuts to the kids scream in terror, cuts back to Uncle Lemmo dropping his pumpkin after screaming in fear, cuts back to the kids]'' :'''All''': Uncle Lemmo?! ''[move to Uncle Lemmo after he was revealed, cuts to the kids moving to talk to Uncle Lemmo]'' :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Oh, kids! You nearly startled me right outta my pants. :'''Eubie''': We thought you were a pumpkin monster! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Nope, just being my Jack'o'lantern. Ugh, looks like I'm gonna have to carve a new one now. ''[scene wipes to Uncle Lemmo carving another Jack'o'Lantern]'' :'''Twinkle''': Why do we make Jack o lanterns on Halloween, anyway? :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Do you kids mean to tell me that you’ve never heard the story of the first Jack’o’Lantern? :'''Eubie''': Nuh-uh! :'''Kip''': Tell us! :'''Twinkle''': Please tell us, Uncle Lemmo! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': It all started in Higglytown a long, long time ago. :'''Black Cat''': ''[meows]'' :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Every year in Higglytown had a big Halloween Party. :'''Albert the Vampire''': ''[as Plunkie departures him]'' Ugh! <hr width=50%> :'''Jennifer Whiskers''': ''[sniffs, then pinches her nose]'' Eew… ''[walks away from Jake the archer and Albert the vampire]'' :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Now- back then, they were five friends. And just like everyone else in Higglytown, these friends couldn’t wait for Halloween! :'''Kip''': I’m a robot! :'''Twinkle''': A princess. :'''Eubie''': A walrus! :'''Fran''': A bat! :'''Wayne''': An Alien-Clown-Cowboy, imagine that! <hr width=50%> :'''Pumpkin Monster''': Of course I can, I’m a scary monster, and scary monsters are very mean! ''[shakes Fran the bat]'' :'''Fran''': Oh, well, I suppose you’re right about that! :'''Pumpkin Monster''': ''[takes Fran the bat to his Pumpkin Castle]'' Bwaaaah! <hr width=50%> :'''Pumpkin Monster''': ''[gets the pumpkin key, then runs down the stairs making monster noises]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Eubie''': I’m phoning a friend. ''[Bernice’s phone rings]'' :'''Bernice''': Hello. :'''Eubie''': Hi, Bernice. I was wondering if you could do us a really big favor. <hr width=50%> :'''Wayne''': Agh! ''[hides inside Eubie, then they walk up to the pumpkin castle]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Fran''': There's just one problem. :'''Twinkle''': What is that? :'''Fran''': The Pumpkin Monster is STANDING RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!!!!! :'''Eubie, Wayne, Twinkle, Kip and the Pumpkin Monster''': AAAH!!!!!!! :''[they hide inside themselves]'' :'''Pumpkin Monster''': So, you thought you could come and rescue Fran the bat? Hahaha. <hr width=50%> :'''Pumpkin Monster''': Where did I put that key? ''[pulls out the umbrella]'' No that's not it. ''[throws the umbrella away. Next: the Pumpkin Monster pulls out a seat]'' Oh no. That's a chair. ''[throws a seat away. Next: the Pumpkin Monster pulls out a French Horn then he plays lively jazz music with the French Horn then throws the French Horn away.]'' Nope. ''[pulls out the key, which is correct]'' Aha! :'''Eubie''': We’e on our way, Fran! :'''Kip''': I’ve got the key, Fran! <hr width=50%> :'''Pumpkin Monster''': Friends sound terrific! Ah. If only I had some. :'''Eubie''': You silly monster! We’ll be your friend. :'''Pumpkin Monster''': Hot Diggity! ===''Smells Like a Mystery / Ship Ahoy!''=== Down, Boy. Down! Hal, Stucky. Hal! No, Huggy. No! {{line}} :'''Fripp''': My hot dog cart is gone! :'''Kip''': It was here just a minute ago. :'''Wayne''': Where could it be? {{line}} :'''Eubie''': ''[after Fripp sings his Hot Dog Cart Blues song; sniffs sadly]'' That's the saddest song I've ever heard. {{line}} :'''Eubie''': Hey, that's not a hot dog cart! :'''Wayne''': Yeah, that's a seal. {{line}} :'''Kip''': Wow, are you a Higglytown Hero? :'''Policewoman''': Sure. But you know else is a Higglytown Hero? Our police dog, Jiffy. ===''All Tire'd Out / Great Un-expectations''=== :'''Wayne''': When in doubt, pack everything. When it comes to the beach, you can never be too prepared. {{line}} :''[As the kids and Plunkie head on their way to the beach, the car gets a flat tire and comes to a stop in the middle of the road, and the kids cover their eyes]'' :'''Fran''': Oh my goodness gracious! :'''Eubie''': Is it thunder? Is it a monster? :'''Wayne''': Don't answer. I don't want to know! :'''Plunkie''': Oh, it's nothing to be afraid of. :'''Fran''': It's just a flat tire. :'''Plunkie''': ''[hops out of the car and inspects the tire]'' Oh! :'''Twinkle''': Mom, does this mean we're not going to the beach? ===''Soup With Stars / The Happy Friendly Sparkly Toast Club''=== ===''First Snow / Snow Dazed''=== :'''Kip''': I can't wear pink, with ribbons. :'''Twinkle''': Well, ''I'' want to wear pink, not green. :'''Wayne''': This jacket is itchy. :'''Eubie''': ''[shivering and freezing]'' Um… I'm kind of cold. :'''Fran''': Nice try, Higgly kids. But I don't think this is gonna work now. :'''Wayne''': Oh. How will we ever get bigger clothes? ===''Catch Up With Ketchup / Star Struck''=== :'''Twinkle''': Ooh. It's raining marshmallows! :''[Two marshmallows land on Wayne's glasses]'' :'''Kip''': Wayne, you got marshmallow on your glasses. :'''Wayne''': Uh, I can't see. Everything looks like it's covered in marshmallows. :'''Eubie''': ''[takes Wayne's glasses off his eyes]'' Maybe I can wipe your glasses off with my shirt. :'''Kip''': No. We can take them inside and wash them off. :'''Wayne''': Wait! I only clean them with my special cleaning cloth. ''[runs into Eubie and Kip, and accidentally breaks his glasses]'' :'''Eubie and Kip''': Uh-oh! :'''Wayne''': What happened? :'''Twinkle''': Oh, no! Wayne! Your glasses are broken! :'''Wayne''': Broken?! I can't wear my glasses if they're broken! And if I can't wear my glasses, I can't see clearly! ''[in his POV, his vision is all blurry]'' It looks… blurry. Like I'm opening my eyes underwater. If everything is blurry, then I'm not gonna be able to see the shooting stars! What am I gonna do? {{line}} :'''Fran''': Oh, that's a mighty fine idea, Twinkle. Yes, sir, but I'm afraid that lenses made of ice would just melt. :'''Twinkle''': Aw, pickles. ''[snaps fingers in disappointment]'' ==''Twinkle's Wish''== ===''Twinkle's Masterpiece / The Egg-cellent Adventure''=== :'''Wayne''': ''[curiously]'' Gee, Mom. Don't we even get a hint where we're going? :'''Plunkie''': No. I told you-- it's a surprise. You'll see when we get there. :'''Fran''': Can anyone guess where we're going? :'''Twinkle''': Oh, I hope we're going to the pink puppy poodle palace so we can see all the pink poodles. :'''Plunkie''': You don't have to guess anymore, kids. We're here! ''[they arrive at an artist's house]'' This is where my friend Nikki lives. She's an artist, and she's gonna give you art lessons. :'''Twinkle''': Art lessons? :'''Kids''': Cool! :''[A moment later, they stand in front of the front door as Nikki, a blind artist, answers]'' :'''Nikki''': Wow. You're right on time! Hey there, future artists. I'm Nikki. :'''Kids''': Hi, Nikki. {{line}} :'''Phil''': Ooh, looks like I'll be juggling melons again. {{line}} :'''Eubie''': Grandpop Crank? ''You're'' a Higglytown Hero? ===''Wayne's Ripping Adventure / Meet Eubie's Cousin''=== :'''Kip''': Wow, Twinkle. You're going to be great at your recital. :'''Eubie''': So a recital is when you perform in front of a lot of people? :'''Fran''': That's right, Eubie. :'''Twinkle''': I wish you could all come, but this recital is only for family members, like my mom and Wayne. :'''Wayne''': Yeah. I can't wait to go. {{line}} :'''Plunkie''': ''[reminding Wayne]'' Remember that tonight is a special night for Twinkle. I want you to look your best. So once you put on your good clothes, be careful to keep them nice and clean. :'''Wayne''': Don't worry, Mom. I will. {{line}} :'''Wayne''': ''[horrified when he accidentally rips his pants]'' Oh, no! I've ripped my good pants! ''[sadly]'' Mom said I have to look nice in my good clothes if I want to go to Twinkle's recital. What am I gonna do? ''[starts singing his Ripped Pants Blues song] ♪ When I woke up this morning, the sun was in the sky :''When I looked in the mirror,'' :''I sure was lookin' fine!'' :''It was the day of the recital: my sister's ballet debut'' :''I'll never see her dance now 'cause of the ripped pants, can't go blues'' :''My mom said, "Be careful." She said, "Stay nice and clean."'' :''When she sees what I've done here, she's gonna turn a sickly green!'' :''My best pants are in tatters, and my shirt is dirty too!'' :''I'm gonna miss the ballet 'cause of the ripped pants, can't go blues'' :''I tried to be careful, I just made one mistake'' :''The rest of the family's going, but I'm gonna miss Swan Lake'' :''Now my whole life is ruined, and my heart is broken too'' :''I'm gonna miss the ballet 'cause of the ripped pants… can't go blues'' :''Yeah… ♪'' :'''Eubie''': ''[remorsefully after the song ends]'' That's the saddest song I've ever heard. {{line}} :'''Wayne''': Please don't be mad, Twinkle. I really wanted to look nice for your recital. It was an accident. ===''Say What? / Higgly Harmonies''=== :'''Twinkle''': ''[plays her Flamingo Cello]'' How was that, mom? ===''Patty Cake / Having a Ball''=== :'''Wayne''': Yeah, If they don't get more bread, well never to make our sandwiches. and If they don't get make sandwiches, well never to go on our picnic! ===''Wayne's Good Guess / Wayne's 100 Special Somethings''=== ===''Fran Takes a Hike / Mystery at Kip's House''=== :'''Wayne''': What are we gonna do?! ''[a thumping noise is heard again, everyone screams in terror]'' :'''Eubie''': If only there was someone special to help us! :'''Wayne''': ''[pops up then sings]'' Someone special, who could it be? :'''Twinkle''': ''[singing]'' This job’s too big for you and me! :'''Fran''': We need some help! :'''Kip''': But never fear-o! ===''Bright Sights, Big City / Kip's Shadow''=== :''[The Higgly kids, Aunt Mellie and Uncle Zooter, and Jax are riding an express train heading to Higgly Biggly City]'' :'''Fran''': Goodness gumballs! You kids sure are excited about this trip to Higgly Biggly City. :'''Twinkle''': Of course! Higgly Biggly City is the only place you can see ''Happy, Hairy, Higgly Monsters Live!'' :'''Eubie''': Thanks for taking us, Aunt Mellie and Uncle Zooter. :'''Aunt Mellie''': Of course, Eubie. :'''Uncle Zooter''': It's our pleasure. :'''Jax''': It sure was great to visit you guys in Higglytown, but now I can't wait for you all to see ''my'' home city. :'''Kip''': And I can't wait to see ''Happy, Hairy, Higgly Monsters Live.'' :'''Wayne''': Me, too. It's supposed to be the best show on Higglyway, and it has ''all'' the Happy, Hairy, Higgly Monsters! {{line}} :''[The gang arrives at the theater on Higglyway for the show, only to find that it isn't open yet]'' :'''Uncle Zooter''': Gee, it looks like… :'''Aunt Mellie''': The theater isn't open yet. :'''Kids''': ''[disappointed]'' Aw! :'''Aunt Mellie''': ''[checks the time on her watch]'' The show doesn't start… :'''Uncle Zooter''': ''[checks the time on his watch]'' For another few hours. :'''Jax''': I've got an idea. Since we have plenty of time, why don't we go see the Higgly Biggly City sights? :'''Aunt Mellie''': Why, Jax, I declare I think that's… a super-dupity idea. {{line}} :'''Twinkle''': Can you take a bride and groom to a fancy ballroom? :'''Taxi Driver Hero''': I'd love to! :'''Wayne''': Or drive a bobcat to a laundromat? :'''Taxi Driver Hero''': If he's got the fare. ===''Kip Joins the Circus / Baby Boom''=== :'''Twinkle''': What’s that? :'''Fran''': Everyone’s already run for cover. :'''Twinkle''': Aw pickles. ''[runs for cover with the others]'' :'''Wayne''': Why did it have to rain? How can we have our circus in the rain? :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Don’t worry, Wayne. I think it’s just a little shower. Look! The rain’s lighten up already. ''[the Higgly Kids look at the rain lighting up]'' :'''Kip''': Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s get back to the Fricky Frack Funhouse circus! Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go! ''[a storm clap is heard]'' Or maybe we could wait a little longer. ''[a thunder clap hits Fricky Frack Funhouse setting it on fire]'' :'''Twinkle''': Oh no! Look! Fricky Frack Funhouse is on fire! ''[zooms to Fricky Frack Funhouse on fire]'' :'''Uncle Lemmo''': This is terrible! We can’t let Fricky Frack Funhouse burnt down! :'''Wayne''': Can somebody do something?! :'''Eubie''': We really need the help of someone special right away! ===''Twinkle's Favorite Author / Don't Fence Me In''=== :'''Pizza Guy''': Look out below! :'''Kip''': Oh, no the pizza! :'''Library Man''': The library! :'''Twinkle''': And worst of all, PJ Butternut is trapped inside! {{line}}: :'''Uncle Lemmo and Gloria''': What? It’s my fence! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': If it’s your fence, what’s it doing on my property? :'''Gloria''': It’s not on your property, it’s on my property! And I’m painting my fence on my property yellow! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Purple! :'''Gloria''': Yellow! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': PURPLE! :'''Gloria''': Yellow! ===''Higgly Hoedown / Eubie's Turbo Sled''=== ===''Kip's Sweet Tooth / Wayne's Lollipop''=== :'''Kip''': Chocolate on chocolate? Way to go, Wayne. :'''Wayne''': But you haven't seen my secret ingredient. I call it, my "Choco-toast-tastic ice cream sandwich sundae." :'''Kip''': Nice going, Eubie. I hope it tastes as good as it looks. :'''Eubie''': My secret ingredient: lucky 4-leaf clover cookie for good luck. :'''Kip''': Ha! That's one nutty sundae, Fran. :'''Fran''': Oh, the nuttier the better, I always say. {{line}} :'''Dentist Hero''': So, what's the problem, Kip? ''[Kip mumbles indistinctly with his mouth wide open]'' Sorry, Kip. I can't understand what you're saying. :'''Bitty''': (He said) He tried to eat some ice cream, but every time he took a bite, it hurt. :'''Dentist Hero''': Well, I have to take a close look at your teeth, but it sounds like you might have a cavity. :'''Kip''': A ''cavity?!'' {{line}} :'''Wayne''': ''[witnessing a gigantic rainbow lollipop]'' Wow! That's a really big lollipop! :'''Candy Cart Owner''': A gargantuan giant lollipop is what I call it. :'''Wayne''': It's got so many colors. :'''Candy Cart Owner''': Every color of the rainbow, and each one's a different flavor on the tongue. Green is sublimely lime. Red is raucous raspberry. Blue is… :'''Twinkle''': Catch it! :'''Kip''': I got it! I got it! :'''Eubie''': Excuse me. :'''Wayne''': The blue is blueberry? :'''Candy Cart Owner''': Burstin' blueberry. That swirl of yellow is lipsmackin' lemon, and the purple is… :'''Wayne''': Grape-jelly grape. Those are all my favorite flavors. {{line}} :'''Kip''': Wow! That's the biggest jumbo lollipop I've ever seen! :'''Twinkle''': It's gonna take you forever to lick. :'''Eubie''': Or even longer. {{line}} :'''Fran''': My, oh, my, that's one colorful idea there, Twinkle. But the thing is, Higglytown's kinda low on Leprechauns this time of year, don't ya know? :'''Twinkle''': ''[disappointed]'' Aw…pickles. :'''Wayne''': This is terrible. If I can't find a way to get this lollipop out of my hair, it's gonna be stuck on my head forever. What am I gonna do?! ===''Kip's Dad Gets a Strike / A Really Hot Day''=== :'''Fripp''': '''STOP THAT BALL!!!''' :'''[[w:Pizza Guy (Higglytown Heroes)|Pizza Guy]]''': This looks like a job for Pizza Guy! <hr width=50%> :'''Pizza Guy''': ''[passing the Nacho Brothers: Vince, Stephen and Alex on his skateboard]'' Sorry, Nacho Brothers! Almost there! Almost there! :''[X-57 Strike King ball crash]'' :'''Fripp''': ''[sadly]'' Oh, no. My X-57 Strike King. It's broken. ===''Higgly Frog Day / Eubie's Ele-fantastic Adventure''=== :'''Kip''': I wonder where Fran is. She said she was gonna meet us here. :'''Wayne''': Yeah. Where could she be? :'''Fran''': ''[hopping towards the kids, wearing a frog hat]'' Ribbit. Ribbit. Ribbit. Don't ya know? :'''Twinkle''': Fran, why are you wearing that hat? :'''Fran''': Oh, my wiggly whiskers. You kids didn't forget, did you? :'''Wayne''': Forget what? :'''Fran''': Why, it's Higgly Frog Day! :'''Eubie''': Higgly Frog Day? :'''Twinkle''': ''[remembers]'' Oh, yeah! I remember! Lots of higgly frogs live in Higgly Swamp. But during the winter, it gets too cold for that. So every winter, the higgly frogs hop south where it's nice and warm. :'''Fran''': But after winter is over, the higgly frogs return to their homes in Higgly Swamp on this very same day every year. :'''Twinkle''': And they hop right through Higglytown on their way to the swamp. :'''Fran''': That's right. So every year, Higglytown holds a big celebration in the town square to welcome the higgly frogs as they pass through Higglytown on their way to their swampy homes. :'''Kip''': Well, let's get to the town square. Let's go, let's go, let's go! {{line}} :'''Uncle Lemmo''': The frogs are on their way! Let's start the parade, I say! {{line}} :''[As the higgly frogs hop down the street, they soon get stuck in all the confetti and streamers]'' :'''Eubie''': The higgly frogs can't hop through all the confetti and streamers. :'''Fran''': They sure can't. That's one big mess out there in the street. You betcha. :'''Wayne''': This is terrible! The higgly frogs can't hop through all this trash. We need to think of some way to get rid of it. :'''Eubie''': But how? :'''Twinkle''': ''[gets an idea]'' Oh! Oh! I know, I know, I know! First, we make a big stack of flippy floppy flapjacks. The flying fluffy frog fairies can come eat up all the flippy floppy flapjacks. The flippy floppy flapjacks will give the flying fluffy frog fairies the magical energy they need to change all the trash into little tiny bugs. :'''Wayne''': Wait a second. I don't think I like this plan. :'''Twinkle''': Why not? :'''Wayne''': I don't want all those flies flying around. :'''Twinkle''': They won't. Because higgly frogs love to eat up all the bugs they can. Then the trash will be all gone and the higgly frogs will happily hop off to Higgly Swamp with happy, full frogs tummies. :'''Fran''': That's one magical idea there, Twinkle. But there's just one problem. Flying fluffy frog fairies don't like flippy floppy flapjacks. :'''Twinkle''': ''[snaps her fingers in disappointment]'' Aw, pickles. :'''Kip''': We could clean the trash up. But there's too much. It'll take us forever to clean all this up. :'''Wayne''': What are we gonna do? We have to get all this trash cleaned up or the higgly frogs are never gonna get to Higgly Swamp. :'''Eubie''': As Higgly Frog hop-along leader, I declare that we need the help of someone special. {{line}} :'''Eubie''': Could you sweep a thousand pies if they're falling from the skies? :'''Kip''': Can you clean up the grime of a sticky monster's slime? :'''Street Sweeper Hero''': ''♪ Monster slime or falling pie / You can wave them all bye-bye / Cleaning up is what I do / On any street or avenue ♪'' {{line}} :'''Twinkle''': Thanks, Ms. Street Sweeper. :'''Kip''': We never could've cleared up the streets without you. :'''Street Sweeper Hero''': Shucks. I'm glad to help out the higgly frogs. Besides, I was just doing my job. Keeping Higglytown clean helps make it a great place to live. :'''Wayne''': It sure does. :'''Street Sweeper Hero''': But remember, everyone, cleaning up is great. But it's even better to keep things clean in the first place. So if you remember not to litter, you can be… :'''Kids''': Higglytown Heroes! ===''Wayne's Letter Factory / Live at the Birthday Lounges''=== ==''Season 2''== ===''Twinkle, Twinkle Little Fish / All the Wrong Moves''=== ===''Kip Gets Swing Fever / Wayne's Pieces of Gold''=== ===''All Warm Inside / Calling All Ducks''=== :'''Kip''': My Flylophone sounds just as good as the last time it buzzed. ''[hears bongo noises and then, Fran pops out playing her bongos]'' :'''Fran''': Oh, and my bongo drums sound mighty funky, yes sir! <hr width=50%> :'''Pizza Guy''': Can I bring my Electric Pizza-lin? :'''Kip''': Sure! The more instruments the better. :'''Pizza Guy''': Totally radical! Yeah! Whoo! <hr width=50%> :'''Wayne''': I got my Wayneatone! ''[plays it, and then Twinkle pops out with her Flamingo Cello]'' :'''Twinkle''': And I got my Flamingo Cello! ''[plays it]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Eubie''': Oh, Bouncylodeon! How I’ve missed you! ''[gets it on the wagon, Aunt Mellie and Uncle Zooter arrive]'' :'''Aunt Mellie''': Our Loop-A-Pop-A-Squeak-A-Phone… :'''Uncle Zooter''': Is gonna sound great on the lake! ===''The Totally Secret Valentine / A Valentine for Ms. Fern''=== ===''Cry Baby Pookie / Wait for Me''=== :''[The Higgly kids and Bitty enter Pookie's room to surprise her as she's woken up from her nap]'' :'''Wayne''': ''[whispering]'' I wonder what Pookie's gonna say when we tell her it's her birthday. :'''Twinkle''': ''[whispering]'' I know. She's gonna say, "Goo-goo ga-ga, kee-kee!" :'''Kids''': ''[whispering]'' Happy Birthday, Pookie. :''[Pookie suddenly starts crying]'' :'''Eubie''': Oh, no. Pookie's crying. :'''Twinkle''': What happened to the "Goo ga-ga, kee-kee?" :'''Wayne''': Oopsie. Did we do something wrong? :'''Bitty''': No. It's not your fault, kids. Babies often cry when they wake up from their naps. Sometimes they just want be held. ''[picks up Pookie from her bed for comfort]'' Watch. There, there, Pookie-poo. Mommy's here. Everything's all right. :''[Pookie cries louder]'' :'''Kip''': She's still crying, Mom. {{line}} :'''Kip''': Poor Pookie. She's supposed to be happy on her birthday, not sad. :'''Twinkle''': If only there was some way we could make her smile. {{line}} :'''Wayne''': If Pookie doesn't stop crying, she won't have a happy birthday. And if Pookie doesn't have a happy birthday-- :'''Twinkle''': She'll have a sad birthday. ===''Balloon-a-palooza / Wayne's Day Out''=== ==''The Fran In the Moon''== ===''Me and My Shadow / Out to Sea''=== :'''Kip''': Give me that flag! :'''Twinkle''': ''[giggles]'' He thinks it's a game. :'''Kip''': But it's not a game. ''[annoyed]'' Uhh! Shadow, listen to me! Stop right now! :'''Eubie''': Um, Kip, Shadow's not stopping. :'''Wayne''': He's not doing ''anything'' you say. :'''Kip''': I know. What am I gonna do? {{line}} :'''Ms. Fern''': Down, Shadow! Down! :'''Kip''': Sorry, Ms. Fern. I tried to control Shadow all morning, but I guess I just can't. :'''Wayne''': This is awful! Our tower is toppled! Our classroom is a mess! :'''Twinkle''': There's dog slobber everywhere. :'''Wayne''': What are we gonna do? ===''Don't Wayne On My Parade / Twinkle's Terrific Twirl''=== ===''Wayne's Big, Big Discovery / Dirigible Day''=== ==''The Legend of Higgsquatch''== ===''Eubie's Big Boat Float / A Slippery Situation''=== ==''Higgly Island''== ===''Corn to Be Wild / Overnight Moose''=== ===''Shear Luck / Big Night Out''=== ===''Kip's Rocket Rescue / Let's Get Moving''=== :''[The Higgly kids arrive at Kip's grandparent's house with some boxes sitting in front]'' :'''Kip''': Grandpa-pa! Grandma-ma! :'''Grandpa-pa''': Hey there, Kip. :'''Grandma-ma''': It's so good to see you. :'''Kip''': It's good to see you, too. :'''Grandma-ma''': What brings you kids here today? :'''Kip''': We came up here to get some cardboard boxes so we can make a pizza palace for our backyard Higgly Biggly City. :'''Fripp''': Aw, sorry, Kip. But Grandpa-pa and Grandma-ma need all their cardboard boxes. Today is the day they're moving. :'''Eubie, Wayne & Twinkle''': Moving?! :'''Kip''': I knew you were moving, but I didn't know you were moving today. :'''Wayne''': But we don't want you to move away. :'''Kip''': Don't worry. They're not moving far away, just to a brand new house in another part of Higglytown. :'''Eubie, Wayne & Twinkle''': A brand-new house? {{line}} :'''Fripp''': ''[takes an old baseball glove off the shelf]'' Wow. There are so many memories down here. Hard to believe you're packing up and moving out of the house I grew up in. :'''Kip''': ''[finds a baby photo album and blows off the dust]'' What's this, Dad? :'''Fripp''': Hey, it's my baby photo album. I bet there's lots of great memories in there. :'''Kip''': ''[opens the photo album and finds a photo of Baby Fripp]'' Is that you, Dad? :'''Fripp''': It sure is. :'''Grandma-ma''': Why, that's your father back when he was a brand new, tiny baby. ''[turns the page to more Baby Fripp photos]'' :'''Eubie''': You sure were a cute baby, Mr. Kip's Dad. :'''Twinkle''': Yeah! You were a cutesy wootsey wootsey woo. :''[Everyone else laughs as Fripp frowns in embarrassment]'' :'''Grandma-ma''': Your dad used to like it when I'd say, "Gootchie gootchie wah wah." :'''Fripp''': Sorry, everyone, but we have to pack this, too. ===''Calling All Cars! / Amazing Museum''=== ===''Frozen Fish Follies / Look Who's Squawking''=== ===''Eubie's Pink Dots / Two Bees or Not Two Bees''=== ===''Wayne's Day to Shine / Wayne Listens Up''=== :'''Wayne''': ''[slips]'' Whoa, whoa! :''[Wayne knocks off the ladder then, the bottom of the ladder pushes the paint buckets]'' :'''All''': ''[gasp after they got paint all over themselves]'' Our Costumes! :'''Wayne''': Heh, whoopsie! ===''A Hopping Popping Problem / Hay Hay Hay!''=== ==''Season 3''== ===''Happy Campers / All Washed Out''=== ===''Hats All Folks / Hop Hop Hooray''=== ===''Shuffleboard Buddies / All Mapped Out''=== ===''12-Pie Abe / The Day the Dinner Stood Still''=== :'''Longest Beard Mike''': Look! Aliens from another planet! I told ya! Didn’t I tell ya?! I told ya! ===''Saturday Night Higgly / Monster Sandwiches''=== :'''Eubie''': ''[to Kip as Fripp continues hopping nonstop with the CD skipping]'' Um, Kip, what's wrong with your dad? :'''Wayne''': Yeah. Why won't he stop hopping? {{line}} :'''Kip''': Are you okay, Dad? :'''Fripp''': I'm fine. But look at this CD. It's covered with scratches. And without ''Freddy Fever Disco Beaver,'' my dancing days are over. :'''Wayne''': Say it isn't so! You practiced so hard. Plus, I skipped my toast break so I'd have extra room… for the Banana Horn! What are we gonna do?! :'''Eubie''': Um, get someone special to help us? {{line}} :'''Musician Hero #1''': ''♪ We're musicians, clap your hands / We play instruments in our band / Bringing you joy is our goal / With Rock / Jazz / Disco / And Soul! ♪'' :'''Musician Hero #2''': ''♪ We practice songs every day / 'Cause we love to sing and play / Note for note and beat to beat / You'll be dancing cheek to cheek ♪'' :'''Wayne''': Could you play some cool bebop for some hep cats and their pops? :'''Twinkle''': Could you whisk away the blues for a tortoise with the flu? :'''Musician Hero #1''': ''♪ Blues for reptiles, jazz for cats / Our music is where it's at ♪'' :'''Musician Hero #2''': ''♪ Music is a happy sound / Loved the whole wide world around ♪'' ===''The Big Pink Elephant Sale / Higglies On Horseback''=== ===''Easy to Get Sneezy / Unlock the Magic''=== :'''Plunkie''': Allergic is when you have a ''bad'' reaction to something. {{line}} :'''Jessi''': My wig! ''[laughs maniacally]'' MY WIG! ===''Buki Buki Boo Boo / Signs of Spring''=== ===''Wayne's Cycle Recycle / Wayne's Wet Pet''=== ===''X Marks the Spot! / Eubie's View''=== :''[Eubie is finishing up his painting of the beautiful sunset on the easel before going to bed]'' :'''Flappy''': Beautiful! ''[squawks]'' Beautiful! ''[whistles]'' :'''Eubie''': It sure is, Flappy. This might be the best sunset yet. :''[Aunt Mellie and Uncle Zooter enter his bedroom]'' :'''Uncle Zooter''': How's the painting… :'''Aunt Mellie''': Coming along? :'''Eubie''': Almost finished. There! All done! :'''Aunt Mellie''': ''[amazed]'' Why, Eubie, darling. :'''Uncle Zooter''': It's simply beautiful. :'''Flappy''': Beautiful! Beautiful! :'''Aunt Mellie''': But now… :'''Uncle Zooter''': It's time for you to go to bed. :'''Eubie''': Aw. :'''Uncle Zooter''': Don't worry, Eubie. There will be… :'''Aunt Mellie''': Another sunset tomorrow. ===''Wing-a-ding Whirly Box / Windy Watchers''=== ===''Choo Choo Zucchini / Something Ducky Going On''=== :''[The Higgly Kids gasp in surprise at their zucchini's enormous size when they enter the backyard]'' :'''Fran''': Oh, get your peppers around that! :'''Wayne''': Our little seed grew, grew, grew! :'''Kip''': Come on! Let's put in Eubie's wagon and take it to the show! :'''Eubie''': Uh-oh! I don't think Mr. Zucchini is going to fit in my wagon. :'''Fran''': Nope. That veggie's gonna need a special delivery. {{line}} :'''Wayne''': If we don't find something strong enough, fast enough, and big enough, we're never gonna get Mr. Zucchini to corn county in time for the Fruit and Veggie Spectacular. ===''Fripp's Flip-flap Flop / Say Cheese''=== :'''Wayne and Twinkle''': Uncle Lemmo?! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Yep, I’m a Higglytown Hero. :'''All''': Wow! ===''Canyon Capers / Highcountry Hiccups''=== ==''Calling All Heroes''== :''[While setting up the party decorations in the backyard to celebrate Wayne's birthday, a flash of thunder and lightning strikes and a strong wind starts blowing away all the decorations]'' :'''Kip''': My hat! :'''Twinkle''': My tiara! :'''Wayne''': My pizza! :'''Twinkle''': Oh, no! :'''Plunkie''': Quickly, everybody! Help grab what you can and hop indoors before it starts to rain. {{line}} :'''Plunkie''': What a terrible storm! We should stay away from the window in case it rains. :''[Thunder and lightning strike from the dark grey clouds]'' :'''Twinkle''': Here comes the rain! :'''Plunkie''': I'm just glad we all managed to get indoors in time. :'''Kip''': Oh, no! Look at Pizza Guy! :''[Pizza Guy drives through the storm, steering out of control and pizza pellets fly out from the back of his van]'' :'''Eubie''': I hope Pizza Guy is okay. :'''Fran''': That was a close one. :'''Wayne''': But wait a second. I just thought of something. Didn't Pizza Guy say you're only supposed to add "one" drop of water to his pizza pellets? :'''Kip''': I think so. Why? :'''Wayne''': Because all of his pizza pellets just went flying out into the storm! What's gonna happen when those pellets get soaking wet?! {{line}} :''[After the horrible storm leaves Higglytown, Kip and Eubie reunite with their families]'' :'''Bitty''': Kip? :'''Kip''': Mom! :'''Aunt Millie''': Eubie! :'''Bitty''': Are you all right? :'''Aunt Millie''': We tried callin'. :'''Uncle Zooter''': But all the phones in town are dead. :'''Fripp''': Then we had to wait till the storm was over until we could head out. :'''Bitty''': Oh, we've been so worried! :'''Plunkie''': Don't worry. We've all been safe inside. ===''Happy Flappy Birthday / Cuckoo County Cawcaw Contest''=== ===''Little Big Fish / Good Sports''=== ===''Tis' the Season to Be Snowy / Bingo Bongos''=== :'''Fripp''': That’s one hippity-hop idea, Twinkle. But hopping cave hippos like to live in caves where it’s nice and quiet. Bringing them to a concert might hurt their ears. ===''Wayne's Toasty Invention / Spell It Safe''=== ==External Links== {{Wikipedia}} [[Category:American children's TV shows]] ae6l6elo3b7v9lvzpygr84sver3g1vm 3778637 3778636 2025-07-14T13:30:40Z 2603:6010:AF00:AAF8:9D79:930A:E716:8326 /* Twinkle's Favorite Author / Don't Fence Me In */ 3778637 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Higglytown Heroes|Higglytown Heroes]]''''' is an American computer-animated children's television series that premiered on September 12, 2004 and on January 7, 2008 in the United States. More episodes are coming soon. ==''Season 1''== ===''Up A Tree / Missing Grandpop''=== :'''Jennifer Whiskers''': She must be lost! :'''All''': LOST?! ===''Twinkle Tooth / Flower Power''=== :[''[[w:Twinkle (Higglytown Heroes)|Twinkle]] gasps''] :'''[[w:Eubie (Higglytown Heroes)|Eubie]]''': What’s wrong, Twinkle? ''[cuts to Twinkle]'' :'''Twinkle''': My tooth! It’s- it’s loose! :'''[[w:Wayne (Higglytown Heroes)|Wayne]]''': Oh No! Somebody do something! :'''Eubie''': It’s okay, Twinkle. All kids loose their baby teeth. :'''Twinkle''': They do? ===''Flappy's Not Happy / Electric Evening''=== ===''Smooth Operator / Sticky Situation''=== :'''Bitty''': ''[goes over the phone and answers it]'' Hello? :'''Eubie''': I wonder who's calling. :'''[[w:Kip (Higglytown Heroes)|Kip]]''': With a phone call, it could be ''anybody.'' :'''Wayne''': I hope it's not my mom calling because she found those brussel sprouts in the umbrella stand. :''[A 2D animated sequence in a thought cloud shows Plunkie calling Bitty, dumping brussel sprouts out of the umbrella stand]'' :'''Plunkie''': I'm sure there is a perfectly reasonable explanation, Bitty. I just don't know what it is. {{line}} :'''Bitty''': ''[hangs up; to the kids]'' That was Grandma-ma. I have to take her to visit Aunt Susie this afternoon, so I won't be able to help make macaroni hats after all. I'm very sorry, kids. I know I said I would, but I really have to go with Grandma-ma. :'''Twinkle''': And I thought we were going to have a lot of fun today. :'''Wayne''': Yeah, fun. ===''Weather or Not / Green In the Gills''=== :'''Twinkle''': That's prettier than a unicorn dressed up like a princess. Oh, I love a breezy breeze. :'''Kids''': Whoa! :'''Wayne''': Whoopsie. :''[barrel crash]'' :'''[[w:Fran (Higglytown Heroes)|Fran]]''': Oh, no! :'''Kids''': Whoa! :'''Wayne''': Stop that barrel! :''[barrel crash again]'' :'''Fran''': ''[sadly]'' My barrel's broken, and all my acorns all gone. Acorn day is runied. I need a time out. ==''Halloween Heroes''== :'''Fran''': It’s when all the ghosts and goblins and monsters come out for spooky fun. ''[cuts to the kids]'' :'''Wayne''': There aren’t really any monsters, are there, Fran? :'''Fran''': Oh, don’t worry, Wayne. There’s no such thing as… ''[cuts to Uncle Lemmo opening the door with a Jack-o’-lantern to scare the kids]'' '''MONSTERS!!!!!!!''' :''[zooms at Uncle Lemmo, cuts to the kids scream in terror, cuts back to Uncle Lemmo dropping his pumpkin after screaming in fear, cuts back to the kids]'' :'''All''': Uncle Lemmo?! ''[move to Uncle Lemmo after he was revealed, cuts to the kids moving to talk to Uncle Lemmo]'' :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Oh, kids! You nearly startled me right outta my pants. :'''Eubie''': We thought you were a pumpkin monster! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Nope, just being my Jack'o'lantern. Ugh, looks like I'm gonna have to carve a new one now. ''[scene wipes to Uncle Lemmo carving another Jack'o'Lantern]'' :'''Twinkle''': Why do we make Jack o lanterns on Halloween, anyway? :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Do you kids mean to tell me that you’ve never heard the story of the first Jack’o’Lantern? :'''Eubie''': Nuh-uh! :'''Kip''': Tell us! :'''Twinkle''': Please tell us, Uncle Lemmo! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': It all started in Higglytown a long, long time ago. :'''Black Cat''': ''[meows]'' :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Every year in Higglytown had a big Halloween Party. :'''Albert the Vampire''': ''[as Plunkie departures him]'' Ugh! <hr width=50%> :'''Jennifer Whiskers''': ''[sniffs, then pinches her nose]'' Eew… ''[walks away from Jake the archer and Albert the vampire]'' :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Now- back then, they were five friends. And just like everyone else in Higglytown, these friends couldn’t wait for Halloween! :'''Kip''': I’m a robot! :'''Twinkle''': A princess. :'''Eubie''': A walrus! :'''Fran''': A bat! :'''Wayne''': An Alien-Clown-Cowboy, imagine that! <hr width=50%> :'''Pumpkin Monster''': Of course I can, I’m a scary monster, and scary monsters are very mean! ''[shakes Fran the bat]'' :'''Fran''': Oh, well, I suppose you’re right about that! :'''Pumpkin Monster''': ''[takes Fran the bat to his Pumpkin Castle]'' Bwaaaah! <hr width=50%> :'''Pumpkin Monster''': ''[gets the pumpkin key, then runs down the stairs making monster noises]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Eubie''': I’m phoning a friend. ''[Bernice’s phone rings]'' :'''Bernice''': Hello. :'''Eubie''': Hi, Bernice. I was wondering if you could do us a really big favor. <hr width=50%> :'''Wayne''': Agh! ''[hides inside Eubie, then they walk up to the pumpkin castle]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Fran''': There's just one problem. :'''Twinkle''': What is that? :'''Fran''': The Pumpkin Monster is STANDING RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!!!!! :'''Eubie, Wayne, Twinkle, Kip and the Pumpkin Monster''': AAAH!!!!!!! :''[they hide inside themselves]'' :'''Pumpkin Monster''': So, you thought you could come and rescue Fran the bat? Hahaha. <hr width=50%> :'''Pumpkin Monster''': Where did I put that key? ''[pulls out the umbrella]'' No that's not it. ''[throws the umbrella away. Next: the Pumpkin Monster pulls out a seat]'' Oh no. That's a chair. ''[throws a seat away. Next: the Pumpkin Monster pulls out a French Horn then he plays lively jazz music with the French Horn then throws the French Horn away.]'' Nope. ''[pulls out the key, which is correct]'' Aha! :'''Eubie''': We’e on our way, Fran! :'''Kip''': I’ve got the key, Fran! <hr width=50%> :'''Pumpkin Monster''': Friends sound terrific! Ah. If only I had some. :'''Eubie''': You silly monster! We’ll be your friend. :'''Pumpkin Monster''': Hot Diggity! ===''Smells Like a Mystery / Ship Ahoy!''=== Down, Boy. Down! Hal, Stucky. Hal! No, Huggy. No! {{line}} :'''Fripp''': My hot dog cart is gone! :'''Kip''': It was here just a minute ago. :'''Wayne''': Where could it be? {{line}} :'''Eubie''': ''[after Fripp sings his Hot Dog Cart Blues song; sniffs sadly]'' That's the saddest song I've ever heard. {{line}} :'''Eubie''': Hey, that's not a hot dog cart! :'''Wayne''': Yeah, that's a seal. {{line}} :'''Kip''': Wow, are you a Higglytown Hero? :'''Policewoman''': Sure. But you know else is a Higglytown Hero? Our police dog, Jiffy. ===''All Tire'd Out / Great Un-expectations''=== :'''Wayne''': When in doubt, pack everything. When it comes to the beach, you can never be too prepared. {{line}} :''[As the kids and Plunkie head on their way to the beach, the car gets a flat tire and comes to a stop in the middle of the road, and the kids cover their eyes]'' :'''Fran''': Oh my goodness gracious! :'''Eubie''': Is it thunder? Is it a monster? :'''Wayne''': Don't answer. I don't want to know! :'''Plunkie''': Oh, it's nothing to be afraid of. :'''Fran''': It's just a flat tire. :'''Plunkie''': ''[hops out of the car and inspects the tire]'' Oh! :'''Twinkle''': Mom, does this mean we're not going to the beach? ===''Soup With Stars / The Happy Friendly Sparkly Toast Club''=== ===''First Snow / Snow Dazed''=== :'''Kip''': I can't wear pink, with ribbons. :'''Twinkle''': Well, ''I'' want to wear pink, not green. :'''Wayne''': This jacket is itchy. :'''Eubie''': ''[shivering and freezing]'' Um… I'm kind of cold. :'''Fran''': Nice try, Higgly kids. But I don't think this is gonna work now. :'''Wayne''': Oh. How will we ever get bigger clothes? ===''Catch Up With Ketchup / Star Struck''=== :'''Twinkle''': Ooh. It's raining marshmallows! :''[Two marshmallows land on Wayne's glasses]'' :'''Kip''': Wayne, you got marshmallow on your glasses. :'''Wayne''': Uh, I can't see. Everything looks like it's covered in marshmallows. :'''Eubie''': ''[takes Wayne's glasses off his eyes]'' Maybe I can wipe your glasses off with my shirt. :'''Kip''': No. We can take them inside and wash them off. :'''Wayne''': Wait! I only clean them with my special cleaning cloth. ''[runs into Eubie and Kip, and accidentally breaks his glasses]'' :'''Eubie and Kip''': Uh-oh! :'''Wayne''': What happened? :'''Twinkle''': Oh, no! Wayne! Your glasses are broken! :'''Wayne''': Broken?! I can't wear my glasses if they're broken! And if I can't wear my glasses, I can't see clearly! ''[in his POV, his vision is all blurry]'' It looks… blurry. Like I'm opening my eyes underwater. If everything is blurry, then I'm not gonna be able to see the shooting stars! What am I gonna do? {{line}} :'''Fran''': Oh, that's a mighty fine idea, Twinkle. Yes, sir, but I'm afraid that lenses made of ice would just melt. :'''Twinkle''': Aw, pickles. ''[snaps fingers in disappointment]'' ==''Twinkle's Wish''== ===''Twinkle's Masterpiece / The Egg-cellent Adventure''=== :'''Wayne''': ''[curiously]'' Gee, Mom. Don't we even get a hint where we're going? :'''Plunkie''': No. I told you-- it's a surprise. You'll see when we get there. :'''Fran''': Can anyone guess where we're going? :'''Twinkle''': Oh, I hope we're going to the pink puppy poodle palace so we can see all the pink poodles. :'''Plunkie''': You don't have to guess anymore, kids. We're here! ''[they arrive at an artist's house]'' This is where my friend Nikki lives. She's an artist, and she's gonna give you art lessons. :'''Twinkle''': Art lessons? :'''Kids''': Cool! :''[A moment later, they stand in front of the front door as Nikki, a blind artist, answers]'' :'''Nikki''': Wow. You're right on time! Hey there, future artists. I'm Nikki. :'''Kids''': Hi, Nikki. {{line}} :'''Phil''': Ooh, looks like I'll be juggling melons again. {{line}} :'''Eubie''': Grandpop Crank? ''You're'' a Higglytown Hero? ===''Wayne's Ripping Adventure / Meet Eubie's Cousin''=== :'''Kip''': Wow, Twinkle. You're going to be great at your recital. :'''Eubie''': So a recital is when you perform in front of a lot of people? :'''Fran''': That's right, Eubie. :'''Twinkle''': I wish you could all come, but this recital is only for family members, like my mom and Wayne. :'''Wayne''': Yeah. I can't wait to go. {{line}} :'''Plunkie''': ''[reminding Wayne]'' Remember that tonight is a special night for Twinkle. I want you to look your best. So once you put on your good clothes, be careful to keep them nice and clean. :'''Wayne''': Don't worry, Mom. I will. {{line}} :'''Wayne''': ''[horrified when he accidentally rips his pants]'' Oh, no! I've ripped my good pants! ''[sadly]'' Mom said I have to look nice in my good clothes if I want to go to Twinkle's recital. What am I gonna do? ''[starts singing his Ripped Pants Blues song] ♪ When I woke up this morning, the sun was in the sky :''When I looked in the mirror,'' :''I sure was lookin' fine!'' :''It was the day of the recital: my sister's ballet debut'' :''I'll never see her dance now 'cause of the ripped pants, can't go blues'' :''My mom said, "Be careful." She said, "Stay nice and clean."'' :''When she sees what I've done here, she's gonna turn a sickly green!'' :''My best pants are in tatters, and my shirt is dirty too!'' :''I'm gonna miss the ballet 'cause of the ripped pants, can't go blues'' :''I tried to be careful, I just made one mistake'' :''The rest of the family's going, but I'm gonna miss Swan Lake'' :''Now my whole life is ruined, and my heart is broken too'' :''I'm gonna miss the ballet 'cause of the ripped pants… can't go blues'' :''Yeah… ♪'' :'''Eubie''': ''[remorsefully after the song ends]'' That's the saddest song I've ever heard. {{line}} :'''Wayne''': Please don't be mad, Twinkle. I really wanted to look nice for your recital. It was an accident. ===''Say What? / Higgly Harmonies''=== :'''Twinkle''': ''[plays her Flamingo Cello]'' How was that, mom? ===''Patty Cake / Having a Ball''=== :'''Wayne''': Yeah, If they don't get more bread, well never to make our sandwiches. and If they don't get make sandwiches, well never to go on our picnic! ===''Wayne's Good Guess / Wayne's 100 Special Somethings''=== ===''Fran Takes a Hike / Mystery at Kip's House''=== :'''Wayne''': What are we gonna do?! ''[a thumping noise is heard again, everyone screams in terror]'' :'''Eubie''': If only there was someone special to help us! :'''Wayne''': ''[pops up then sings]'' Someone special, who could it be? :'''Twinkle''': ''[singing]'' This job’s too big for you and me! :'''Fran''': We need some help! :'''Kip''': But never fear-o! ===''Bright Sights, Big City / Kip's Shadow''=== :''[The Higgly kids, Aunt Mellie and Uncle Zooter, and Jax are riding an express train heading to Higgly Biggly City]'' :'''Fran''': Goodness gumballs! You kids sure are excited about this trip to Higgly Biggly City. :'''Twinkle''': Of course! Higgly Biggly City is the only place you can see ''Happy, Hairy, Higgly Monsters Live!'' :'''Eubie''': Thanks for taking us, Aunt Mellie and Uncle Zooter. :'''Aunt Mellie''': Of course, Eubie. :'''Uncle Zooter''': It's our pleasure. :'''Jax''': It sure was great to visit you guys in Higglytown, but now I can't wait for you all to see ''my'' home city. :'''Kip''': And I can't wait to see ''Happy, Hairy, Higgly Monsters Live.'' :'''Wayne''': Me, too. It's supposed to be the best show on Higglyway, and it has ''all'' the Happy, Hairy, Higgly Monsters! {{line}} :''[The gang arrives at the theater on Higglyway for the show, only to find that it isn't open yet]'' :'''Uncle Zooter''': Gee, it looks like… :'''Aunt Mellie''': The theater isn't open yet. :'''Kids''': ''[disappointed]'' Aw! :'''Aunt Mellie''': ''[checks the time on her watch]'' The show doesn't start… :'''Uncle Zooter''': ''[checks the time on his watch]'' For another few hours. :'''Jax''': I've got an idea. Since we have plenty of time, why don't we go see the Higgly Biggly City sights? :'''Aunt Mellie''': Why, Jax, I declare I think that's… a super-dupity idea. {{line}} :'''Twinkle''': Can you take a bride and groom to a fancy ballroom? :'''Taxi Driver Hero''': I'd love to! :'''Wayne''': Or drive a bobcat to a laundromat? :'''Taxi Driver Hero''': If he's got the fare. ===''Kip Joins the Circus / Baby Boom''=== :'''Twinkle''': What’s that? :'''Fran''': Everyone’s already run for cover. :'''Twinkle''': Aw pickles. ''[runs for cover with the others]'' :'''Wayne''': Why did it have to rain? How can we have our circus in the rain? :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Don’t worry, Wayne. I think it’s just a little shower. Look! The rain’s lighten up already. ''[the Higgly Kids look at the rain lighting up]'' :'''Kip''': Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s get back to the Fricky Frack Funhouse circus! Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go! ''[a storm clap is heard]'' Or maybe we could wait a little longer. ''[a thunder clap hits Fricky Frack Funhouse setting it on fire]'' :'''Twinkle''': Oh no! Look! Fricky Frack Funhouse is on fire! ''[zooms to Fricky Frack Funhouse on fire]'' :'''Uncle Lemmo''': This is terrible! We can’t let Fricky Frack Funhouse burnt down! :'''Wayne''': Can somebody do something?! :'''Eubie''': We really need the help of someone special right away! ===''Twinkle's Favorite Author / Don't Fence Me In''=== :'''Pizza Guy''': '''LOOK OUT BELOW!!!!!!''' :'''Kip''': Oh, no the pizza! :'''Library Man''': The library! :'''Twinkle''': And worst of all, PJ Butternut is trapped inside! {{line}}: :'''Uncle Lemmo and Gloria''': What? It’s my fence! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': If it’s your fence, what’s it doing on my property? :'''Gloria''': It’s not on your property, it’s on my property! And I’m painting my fence on my property yellow! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Purple! :'''Gloria''': Yellow! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': PURPLE! :'''Gloria''': Yellow! ===''Higgly Hoedown / Eubie's Turbo Sled''=== ===''Kip's Sweet Tooth / Wayne's Lollipop''=== :'''Kip''': Chocolate on chocolate? Way to go, Wayne. :'''Wayne''': But you haven't seen my secret ingredient. I call it, my "Choco-toast-tastic ice cream sandwich sundae." :'''Kip''': Nice going, Eubie. I hope it tastes as good as it looks. :'''Eubie''': My secret ingredient: lucky 4-leaf clover cookie for good luck. :'''Kip''': Ha! That's one nutty sundae, Fran. :'''Fran''': Oh, the nuttier the better, I always say. {{line}} :'''Dentist Hero''': So, what's the problem, Kip? ''[Kip mumbles indistinctly with his mouth wide open]'' Sorry, Kip. I can't understand what you're saying. :'''Bitty''': (He said) He tried to eat some ice cream, but every time he took a bite, it hurt. :'''Dentist Hero''': Well, I have to take a close look at your teeth, but it sounds like you might have a cavity. :'''Kip''': A ''cavity?!'' {{line}} :'''Wayne''': ''[witnessing a gigantic rainbow lollipop]'' Wow! That's a really big lollipop! :'''Candy Cart Owner''': A gargantuan giant lollipop is what I call it. :'''Wayne''': It's got so many colors. :'''Candy Cart Owner''': Every color of the rainbow, and each one's a different flavor on the tongue. Green is sublimely lime. Red is raucous raspberry. Blue is… :'''Twinkle''': Catch it! :'''Kip''': I got it! I got it! :'''Eubie''': Excuse me. :'''Wayne''': The blue is blueberry? :'''Candy Cart Owner''': Burstin' blueberry. That swirl of yellow is lipsmackin' lemon, and the purple is… :'''Wayne''': Grape-jelly grape. Those are all my favorite flavors. {{line}} :'''Kip''': Wow! That's the biggest jumbo lollipop I've ever seen! :'''Twinkle''': It's gonna take you forever to lick. :'''Eubie''': Or even longer. {{line}} :'''Fran''': My, oh, my, that's one colorful idea there, Twinkle. But the thing is, Higglytown's kinda low on Leprechauns this time of year, don't ya know? :'''Twinkle''': ''[disappointed]'' Aw…pickles. :'''Wayne''': This is terrible. If I can't find a way to get this lollipop out of my hair, it's gonna be stuck on my head forever. What am I gonna do?! ===''Kip's Dad Gets a Strike / A Really Hot Day''=== :'''Fripp''': '''STOP THAT BALL!!!''' :'''[[w:Pizza Guy (Higglytown Heroes)|Pizza Guy]]''': This looks like a job for Pizza Guy! <hr width=50%> :'''Pizza Guy''': ''[passing the Nacho Brothers: Vince, Stephen and Alex on his skateboard]'' Sorry, Nacho Brothers! Almost there! Almost there! :''[X-57 Strike King ball crash]'' :'''Fripp''': ''[sadly]'' Oh, no. My X-57 Strike King. It's broken. ===''Higgly Frog Day / Eubie's Ele-fantastic Adventure''=== :'''Kip''': I wonder where Fran is. She said she was gonna meet us here. :'''Wayne''': Yeah. Where could she be? :'''Fran''': ''[hopping towards the kids, wearing a frog hat]'' Ribbit. Ribbit. Ribbit. Don't ya know? :'''Twinkle''': Fran, why are you wearing that hat? :'''Fran''': Oh, my wiggly whiskers. You kids didn't forget, did you? :'''Wayne''': Forget what? :'''Fran''': Why, it's Higgly Frog Day! :'''Eubie''': Higgly Frog Day? :'''Twinkle''': ''[remembers]'' Oh, yeah! I remember! Lots of higgly frogs live in Higgly Swamp. But during the winter, it gets too cold for that. So every winter, the higgly frogs hop south where it's nice and warm. :'''Fran''': But after winter is over, the higgly frogs return to their homes in Higgly Swamp on this very same day every year. :'''Twinkle''': And they hop right through Higglytown on their way to the swamp. :'''Fran''': That's right. So every year, Higglytown holds a big celebration in the town square to welcome the higgly frogs as they pass through Higglytown on their way to their swampy homes. :'''Kip''': Well, let's get to the town square. Let's go, let's go, let's go! {{line}} :'''Uncle Lemmo''': The frogs are on their way! Let's start the parade, I say! {{line}} :''[As the higgly frogs hop down the street, they soon get stuck in all the confetti and streamers]'' :'''Eubie''': The higgly frogs can't hop through all the confetti and streamers. :'''Fran''': They sure can't. That's one big mess out there in the street. You betcha. :'''Wayne''': This is terrible! The higgly frogs can't hop through all this trash. We need to think of some way to get rid of it. :'''Eubie''': But how? :'''Twinkle''': ''[gets an idea]'' Oh! Oh! I know, I know, I know! First, we make a big stack of flippy floppy flapjacks. The flying fluffy frog fairies can come eat up all the flippy floppy flapjacks. The flippy floppy flapjacks will give the flying fluffy frog fairies the magical energy they need to change all the trash into little tiny bugs. :'''Wayne''': Wait a second. I don't think I like this plan. :'''Twinkle''': Why not? :'''Wayne''': I don't want all those flies flying around. :'''Twinkle''': They won't. Because higgly frogs love to eat up all the bugs they can. Then the trash will be all gone and the higgly frogs will happily hop off to Higgly Swamp with happy, full frogs tummies. :'''Fran''': That's one magical idea there, Twinkle. But there's just one problem. Flying fluffy frog fairies don't like flippy floppy flapjacks. :'''Twinkle''': ''[snaps her fingers in disappointment]'' Aw, pickles. :'''Kip''': We could clean the trash up. But there's too much. It'll take us forever to clean all this up. :'''Wayne''': What are we gonna do? We have to get all this trash cleaned up or the higgly frogs are never gonna get to Higgly Swamp. :'''Eubie''': As Higgly Frog hop-along leader, I declare that we need the help of someone special. {{line}} :'''Eubie''': Could you sweep a thousand pies if they're falling from the skies? :'''Kip''': Can you clean up the grime of a sticky monster's slime? :'''Street Sweeper Hero''': ''♪ Monster slime or falling pie / You can wave them all bye-bye / Cleaning up is what I do / On any street or avenue ♪'' {{line}} :'''Twinkle''': Thanks, Ms. Street Sweeper. :'''Kip''': We never could've cleared up the streets without you. :'''Street Sweeper Hero''': Shucks. I'm glad to help out the higgly frogs. Besides, I was just doing my job. Keeping Higglytown clean helps make it a great place to live. :'''Wayne''': It sure does. :'''Street Sweeper Hero''': But remember, everyone, cleaning up is great. But it's even better to keep things clean in the first place. So if you remember not to litter, you can be… :'''Kids''': Higglytown Heroes! ===''Wayne's Letter Factory / Live at the Birthday Lounges''=== ==''Season 2''== ===''Twinkle, Twinkle Little Fish / All the Wrong Moves''=== ===''Kip Gets Swing Fever / Wayne's Pieces of Gold''=== ===''All Warm Inside / Calling All Ducks''=== :'''Kip''': My Flylophone sounds just as good as the last time it buzzed. ''[hears bongo noises and then, Fran pops out playing her bongos]'' :'''Fran''': Oh, and my bongo drums sound mighty funky, yes sir! <hr width=50%> :'''Pizza Guy''': Can I bring my Electric Pizza-lin? :'''Kip''': Sure! The more instruments the better. :'''Pizza Guy''': Totally radical! Yeah! Whoo! <hr width=50%> :'''Wayne''': I got my Wayneatone! ''[plays it, and then Twinkle pops out with her Flamingo Cello]'' :'''Twinkle''': And I got my Flamingo Cello! ''[plays it]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Eubie''': Oh, Bouncylodeon! How I’ve missed you! ''[gets it on the wagon, Aunt Mellie and Uncle Zooter arrive]'' :'''Aunt Mellie''': Our Loop-A-Pop-A-Squeak-A-Phone… :'''Uncle Zooter''': Is gonna sound great on the lake! ===''The Totally Secret Valentine / A Valentine for Ms. Fern''=== ===''Cry Baby Pookie / Wait for Me''=== :''[The Higgly kids and Bitty enter Pookie's room to surprise her as she's woken up from her nap]'' :'''Wayne''': ''[whispering]'' I wonder what Pookie's gonna say when we tell her it's her birthday. :'''Twinkle''': ''[whispering]'' I know. She's gonna say, "Goo-goo ga-ga, kee-kee!" :'''Kids''': ''[whispering]'' Happy Birthday, Pookie. :''[Pookie suddenly starts crying]'' :'''Eubie''': Oh, no. Pookie's crying. :'''Twinkle''': What happened to the "Goo ga-ga, kee-kee?" :'''Wayne''': Oopsie. Did we do something wrong? :'''Bitty''': No. It's not your fault, kids. Babies often cry when they wake up from their naps. Sometimes they just want be held. ''[picks up Pookie from her bed for comfort]'' Watch. There, there, Pookie-poo. Mommy's here. Everything's all right. :''[Pookie cries louder]'' :'''Kip''': She's still crying, Mom. {{line}} :'''Kip''': Poor Pookie. She's supposed to be happy on her birthday, not sad. :'''Twinkle''': If only there was some way we could make her smile. {{line}} :'''Wayne''': If Pookie doesn't stop crying, she won't have a happy birthday. And if Pookie doesn't have a happy birthday-- :'''Twinkle''': She'll have a sad birthday. ===''Balloon-a-palooza / Wayne's Day Out''=== ==''The Fran In the Moon''== ===''Me and My Shadow / Out to Sea''=== :'''Kip''': Give me that flag! :'''Twinkle''': ''[giggles]'' He thinks it's a game. :'''Kip''': But it's not a game. ''[annoyed]'' Uhh! Shadow, listen to me! Stop right now! :'''Eubie''': Um, Kip, Shadow's not stopping. :'''Wayne''': He's not doing ''anything'' you say. :'''Kip''': I know. What am I gonna do? {{line}} :'''Ms. Fern''': Down, Shadow! Down! :'''Kip''': Sorry, Ms. Fern. I tried to control Shadow all morning, but I guess I just can't. :'''Wayne''': This is awful! Our tower is toppled! Our classroom is a mess! :'''Twinkle''': There's dog slobber everywhere. :'''Wayne''': What are we gonna do? ===''Don't Wayne On My Parade / Twinkle's Terrific Twirl''=== ===''Wayne's Big, Big Discovery / Dirigible Day''=== ==''The Legend of Higgsquatch''== ===''Eubie's Big Boat Float / A Slippery Situation''=== ==''Higgly Island''== ===''Corn to Be Wild / Overnight Moose''=== ===''Shear Luck / Big Night Out''=== ===''Kip's Rocket Rescue / Let's Get Moving''=== :''[The Higgly kids arrive at Kip's grandparent's house with some boxes sitting in front]'' :'''Kip''': Grandpa-pa! Grandma-ma! :'''Grandpa-pa''': Hey there, Kip. :'''Grandma-ma''': It's so good to see you. :'''Kip''': It's good to see you, too. :'''Grandma-ma''': What brings you kids here today? :'''Kip''': We came up here to get some cardboard boxes so we can make a pizza palace for our backyard Higgly Biggly City. :'''Fripp''': Aw, sorry, Kip. But Grandpa-pa and Grandma-ma need all their cardboard boxes. Today is the day they're moving. :'''Eubie, Wayne & Twinkle''': Moving?! :'''Kip''': I knew you were moving, but I didn't know you were moving today. :'''Wayne''': But we don't want you to move away. :'''Kip''': Don't worry. They're not moving far away, just to a brand new house in another part of Higglytown. :'''Eubie, Wayne & Twinkle''': A brand-new house? {{line}} :'''Fripp''': ''[takes an old baseball glove off the shelf]'' Wow. There are so many memories down here. Hard to believe you're packing up and moving out of the house I grew up in. :'''Kip''': ''[finds a baby photo album and blows off the dust]'' What's this, Dad? :'''Fripp''': Hey, it's my baby photo album. I bet there's lots of great memories in there. :'''Kip''': ''[opens the photo album and finds a photo of Baby Fripp]'' Is that you, Dad? :'''Fripp''': It sure is. :'''Grandma-ma''': Why, that's your father back when he was a brand new, tiny baby. ''[turns the page to more Baby Fripp photos]'' :'''Eubie''': You sure were a cute baby, Mr. Kip's Dad. :'''Twinkle''': Yeah! You were a cutesy wootsey wootsey woo. :''[Everyone else laughs as Fripp frowns in embarrassment]'' :'''Grandma-ma''': Your dad used to like it when I'd say, "Gootchie gootchie wah wah." :'''Fripp''': Sorry, everyone, but we have to pack this, too. ===''Calling All Cars! / Amazing Museum''=== ===''Frozen Fish Follies / Look Who's Squawking''=== ===''Eubie's Pink Dots / Two Bees or Not Two Bees''=== ===''Wayne's Day to Shine / Wayne Listens Up''=== :'''Wayne''': ''[slips]'' Whoa, whoa! :''[Wayne knocks off the ladder then, the bottom of the ladder pushes the paint buckets]'' :'''All''': ''[gasp after they got paint all over themselves]'' Our Costumes! :'''Wayne''': Heh, whoopsie! ===''A Hopping Popping Problem / Hay Hay Hay!''=== ==''Season 3''== ===''Happy Campers / All Washed Out''=== ===''Hats All Folks / Hop Hop Hooray''=== ===''Shuffleboard Buddies / All Mapped Out''=== ===''12-Pie Abe / The Day the Dinner Stood Still''=== :'''Longest Beard Mike''': Look! Aliens from another planet! I told ya! Didn’t I tell ya?! I told ya! ===''Saturday Night Higgly / Monster Sandwiches''=== :'''Eubie''': ''[to Kip as Fripp continues hopping nonstop with the CD skipping]'' Um, Kip, what's wrong with your dad? :'''Wayne''': Yeah. Why won't he stop hopping? {{line}} :'''Kip''': Are you okay, Dad? :'''Fripp''': I'm fine. But look at this CD. It's covered with scratches. And without ''Freddy Fever Disco Beaver,'' my dancing days are over. :'''Wayne''': Say it isn't so! You practiced so hard. Plus, I skipped my toast break so I'd have extra room… for the Banana Horn! What are we gonna do?! :'''Eubie''': Um, get someone special to help us? {{line}} :'''Musician Hero #1''': ''♪ We're musicians, clap your hands / We play instruments in our band / Bringing you joy is our goal / With Rock / Jazz / Disco / And Soul! ♪'' :'''Musician Hero #2''': ''♪ We practice songs every day / 'Cause we love to sing and play / Note for note and beat to beat / You'll be dancing cheek to cheek ♪'' :'''Wayne''': Could you play some cool bebop for some hep cats and their pops? :'''Twinkle''': Could you whisk away the blues for a tortoise with the flu? :'''Musician Hero #1''': ''♪ Blues for reptiles, jazz for cats / Our music is where it's at ♪'' :'''Musician Hero #2''': ''♪ Music is a happy sound / Loved the whole wide world around ♪'' ===''The Big Pink Elephant Sale / Higglies On Horseback''=== ===''Easy to Get Sneezy / Unlock the Magic''=== :'''Plunkie''': Allergic is when you have a ''bad'' reaction to something. {{line}} :'''Jessi''': My wig! ''[laughs maniacally]'' MY WIG! ===''Buki Buki Boo Boo / Signs of Spring''=== ===''Wayne's Cycle Recycle / Wayne's Wet Pet''=== ===''X Marks the Spot! / Eubie's View''=== :''[Eubie is finishing up his painting of the beautiful sunset on the easel before going to bed]'' :'''Flappy''': Beautiful! ''[squawks]'' Beautiful! ''[whistles]'' :'''Eubie''': It sure is, Flappy. This might be the best sunset yet. :''[Aunt Mellie and Uncle Zooter enter his bedroom]'' :'''Uncle Zooter''': How's the painting… :'''Aunt Mellie''': Coming along? :'''Eubie''': Almost finished. There! All done! :'''Aunt Mellie''': ''[amazed]'' Why, Eubie, darling. :'''Uncle Zooter''': It's simply beautiful. :'''Flappy''': Beautiful! Beautiful! :'''Aunt Mellie''': But now… :'''Uncle Zooter''': It's time for you to go to bed. :'''Eubie''': Aw. :'''Uncle Zooter''': Don't worry, Eubie. There will be… :'''Aunt Mellie''': Another sunset tomorrow. ===''Wing-a-ding Whirly Box / Windy Watchers''=== ===''Choo Choo Zucchini / Something Ducky Going On''=== :''[The Higgly Kids gasp in surprise at their zucchini's enormous size when they enter the backyard]'' :'''Fran''': Oh, get your peppers around that! :'''Wayne''': Our little seed grew, grew, grew! :'''Kip''': Come on! Let's put in Eubie's wagon and take it to the show! :'''Eubie''': Uh-oh! I don't think Mr. Zucchini is going to fit in my wagon. :'''Fran''': Nope. That veggie's gonna need a special delivery. {{line}} :'''Wayne''': If we don't find something strong enough, fast enough, and big enough, we're never gonna get Mr. Zucchini to corn county in time for the Fruit and Veggie Spectacular. ===''Fripp's Flip-flap Flop / Say Cheese''=== :'''Wayne and Twinkle''': Uncle Lemmo?! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Yep, I’m a Higglytown Hero. :'''All''': Wow! ===''Canyon Capers / Highcountry Hiccups''=== ==''Calling All Heroes''== :''[While setting up the party decorations in the backyard to celebrate Wayne's birthday, a flash of thunder and lightning strikes and a strong wind starts blowing away all the decorations]'' :'''Kip''': My hat! :'''Twinkle''': My tiara! :'''Wayne''': My pizza! :'''Twinkle''': Oh, no! :'''Plunkie''': Quickly, everybody! Help grab what you can and hop indoors before it starts to rain. {{line}} :'''Plunkie''': What a terrible storm! We should stay away from the window in case it rains. :''[Thunder and lightning strike from the dark grey clouds]'' :'''Twinkle''': Here comes the rain! :'''Plunkie''': I'm just glad we all managed to get indoors in time. :'''Kip''': Oh, no! Look at Pizza Guy! :''[Pizza Guy drives through the storm, steering out of control and pizza pellets fly out from the back of his van]'' :'''Eubie''': I hope Pizza Guy is okay. :'''Fran''': That was a close one. :'''Wayne''': But wait a second. I just thought of something. Didn't Pizza Guy say you're only supposed to add "one" drop of water to his pizza pellets? :'''Kip''': I think so. Why? :'''Wayne''': Because all of his pizza pellets just went flying out into the storm! What's gonna happen when those pellets get soaking wet?! {{line}} :''[After the horrible storm leaves Higglytown, Kip and Eubie reunite with their families]'' :'''Bitty''': Kip? :'''Kip''': Mom! :'''Aunt Millie''': Eubie! :'''Bitty''': Are you all right? :'''Aunt Millie''': We tried callin'. :'''Uncle Zooter''': But all the phones in town are dead. :'''Fripp''': Then we had to wait till the storm was over until we could head out. :'''Bitty''': Oh, we've been so worried! :'''Plunkie''': Don't worry. We've all been safe inside. ===''Happy Flappy Birthday / Cuckoo County Cawcaw Contest''=== ===''Little Big Fish / Good Sports''=== ===''Tis' the Season to Be Snowy / Bingo Bongos''=== :'''Fripp''': That’s one hippity-hop idea, Twinkle. But hopping cave hippos like to live in caves where it’s nice and quiet. Bringing them to a concert might hurt their ears. ===''Wayne's Toasty Invention / Spell It Safe''=== ==External Links== {{Wikipedia}} [[Category:American children's TV shows]] 4whhs7wc4gksrqvoadcv2wbmk71p379 3778638 3778637 2025-07-14T13:32:01Z 2603:6010:AF00:AAF8:9D79:930A:E716:8326 /* Twinkle's Favorite Author / Don't Fence Me In */ 3778638 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Higglytown Heroes|Higglytown Heroes]]''''' is an American computer-animated children's television series that premiered on September 12, 2004 and on January 7, 2008 in the United States. More episodes are coming soon. ==''Season 1''== ===''Up A Tree / Missing Grandpop''=== :'''Jennifer Whiskers''': She must be lost! :'''All''': LOST?! ===''Twinkle Tooth / Flower Power''=== :[''[[w:Twinkle (Higglytown Heroes)|Twinkle]] gasps''] :'''[[w:Eubie (Higglytown Heroes)|Eubie]]''': What’s wrong, Twinkle? ''[cuts to Twinkle]'' :'''Twinkle''': My tooth! It’s- it’s loose! :'''[[w:Wayne (Higglytown Heroes)|Wayne]]''': Oh No! Somebody do something! :'''Eubie''': It’s okay, Twinkle. All kids loose their baby teeth. :'''Twinkle''': They do? ===''Flappy's Not Happy / Electric Evening''=== ===''Smooth Operator / Sticky Situation''=== :'''Bitty''': ''[goes over the phone and answers it]'' Hello? :'''Eubie''': I wonder who's calling. :'''[[w:Kip (Higglytown Heroes)|Kip]]''': With a phone call, it could be ''anybody.'' :'''Wayne''': I hope it's not my mom calling because she found those brussel sprouts in the umbrella stand. :''[A 2D animated sequence in a thought cloud shows Plunkie calling Bitty, dumping brussel sprouts out of the umbrella stand]'' :'''Plunkie''': I'm sure there is a perfectly reasonable explanation, Bitty. I just don't know what it is. {{line}} :'''Bitty''': ''[hangs up; to the kids]'' That was Grandma-ma. I have to take her to visit Aunt Susie this afternoon, so I won't be able to help make macaroni hats after all. I'm very sorry, kids. I know I said I would, but I really have to go with Grandma-ma. :'''Twinkle''': And I thought we were going to have a lot of fun today. :'''Wayne''': Yeah, fun. ===''Weather or Not / Green In the Gills''=== :'''Twinkle''': That's prettier than a unicorn dressed up like a princess. Oh, I love a breezy breeze. :'''Kids''': Whoa! :'''Wayne''': Whoopsie. :''[barrel crash]'' :'''[[w:Fran (Higglytown Heroes)|Fran]]''': Oh, no! :'''Kids''': Whoa! :'''Wayne''': Stop that barrel! :''[barrel crash again]'' :'''Fran''': ''[sadly]'' My barrel's broken, and all my acorns all gone. Acorn day is runied. I need a time out. ==''Halloween Heroes''== :'''Fran''': It’s when all the ghosts and goblins and monsters come out for spooky fun. ''[cuts to the kids]'' :'''Wayne''': There aren’t really any monsters, are there, Fran? :'''Fran''': Oh, don’t worry, Wayne. There’s no such thing as… ''[cuts to Uncle Lemmo opening the door with a Jack-o’-lantern to scare the kids]'' '''MONSTERS!!!!!!!''' :''[zooms at Uncle Lemmo, cuts to the kids scream in terror, cuts back to Uncle Lemmo dropping his pumpkin after screaming in fear, cuts back to the kids]'' :'''All''': Uncle Lemmo?! ''[move to Uncle Lemmo after he was revealed, cuts to the kids moving to talk to Uncle Lemmo]'' :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Oh, kids! You nearly startled me right outta my pants. :'''Eubie''': We thought you were a pumpkin monster! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Nope, just being my Jack'o'lantern. Ugh, looks like I'm gonna have to carve a new one now. ''[scene wipes to Uncle Lemmo carving another Jack'o'Lantern]'' :'''Twinkle''': Why do we make Jack o lanterns on Halloween, anyway? :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Do you kids mean to tell me that you’ve never heard the story of the first Jack’o’Lantern? :'''Eubie''': Nuh-uh! :'''Kip''': Tell us! :'''Twinkle''': Please tell us, Uncle Lemmo! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': It all started in Higglytown a long, long time ago. :'''Black Cat''': ''[meows]'' :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Every year in Higglytown had a big Halloween Party. :'''Albert the Vampire''': ''[as Plunkie departures him]'' Ugh! <hr width=50%> :'''Jennifer Whiskers''': ''[sniffs, then pinches her nose]'' Eew… ''[walks away from Jake the archer and Albert the vampire]'' :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Now- back then, they were five friends. And just like everyone else in Higglytown, these friends couldn’t wait for Halloween! :'''Kip''': I’m a robot! :'''Twinkle''': A princess. :'''Eubie''': A walrus! :'''Fran''': A bat! :'''Wayne''': An Alien-Clown-Cowboy, imagine that! <hr width=50%> :'''Pumpkin Monster''': Of course I can, I’m a scary monster, and scary monsters are very mean! ''[shakes Fran the bat]'' :'''Fran''': Oh, well, I suppose you’re right about that! :'''Pumpkin Monster''': ''[takes Fran the bat to his Pumpkin Castle]'' Bwaaaah! <hr width=50%> :'''Pumpkin Monster''': ''[gets the pumpkin key, then runs down the stairs making monster noises]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Eubie''': I’m phoning a friend. ''[Bernice’s phone rings]'' :'''Bernice''': Hello. :'''Eubie''': Hi, Bernice. I was wondering if you could do us a really big favor. <hr width=50%> :'''Wayne''': Agh! ''[hides inside Eubie, then they walk up to the pumpkin castle]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Fran''': There's just one problem. :'''Twinkle''': What is that? :'''Fran''': The Pumpkin Monster is STANDING RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!!!!! :'''Eubie, Wayne, Twinkle, Kip and the Pumpkin Monster''': AAAH!!!!!!! :''[they hide inside themselves]'' :'''Pumpkin Monster''': So, you thought you could come and rescue Fran the bat? Hahaha. <hr width=50%> :'''Pumpkin Monster''': Where did I put that key? ''[pulls out the umbrella]'' No that's not it. ''[throws the umbrella away. Next: the Pumpkin Monster pulls out a seat]'' Oh no. That's a chair. ''[throws a seat away. Next: the Pumpkin Monster pulls out a French Horn then he plays lively jazz music with the French Horn then throws the French Horn away.]'' Nope. ''[pulls out the key, which is correct]'' Aha! :'''Eubie''': We’e on our way, Fran! :'''Kip''': I’ve got the key, Fran! <hr width=50%> :'''Pumpkin Monster''': Friends sound terrific! Ah. If only I had some. :'''Eubie''': You silly monster! We’ll be your friend. :'''Pumpkin Monster''': Hot Diggity! ===''Smells Like a Mystery / Ship Ahoy!''=== Down, Boy. Down! Hal, Stucky. Hal! No, Huggy. No! {{line}} :'''Fripp''': My hot dog cart is gone! :'''Kip''': It was here just a minute ago. :'''Wayne''': Where could it be? {{line}} :'''Eubie''': ''[after Fripp sings his Hot Dog Cart Blues song; sniffs sadly]'' That's the saddest song I've ever heard. {{line}} :'''Eubie''': Hey, that's not a hot dog cart! :'''Wayne''': Yeah, that's a seal. {{line}} :'''Kip''': Wow, are you a Higglytown Hero? :'''Policewoman''': Sure. But you know else is a Higglytown Hero? Our police dog, Jiffy. ===''All Tire'd Out / Great Un-expectations''=== :'''Wayne''': When in doubt, pack everything. When it comes to the beach, you can never be too prepared. {{line}} :''[As the kids and Plunkie head on their way to the beach, the car gets a flat tire and comes to a stop in the middle of the road, and the kids cover their eyes]'' :'''Fran''': Oh my goodness gracious! :'''Eubie''': Is it thunder? Is it a monster? :'''Wayne''': Don't answer. I don't want to know! :'''Plunkie''': Oh, it's nothing to be afraid of. :'''Fran''': It's just a flat tire. :'''Plunkie''': ''[hops out of the car and inspects the tire]'' Oh! :'''Twinkle''': Mom, does this mean we're not going to the beach? ===''Soup With Stars / The Happy Friendly Sparkly Toast Club''=== ===''First Snow / Snow Dazed''=== :'''Kip''': I can't wear pink, with ribbons. :'''Twinkle''': Well, ''I'' want to wear pink, not green. :'''Wayne''': This jacket is itchy. :'''Eubie''': ''[shivering and freezing]'' Um… I'm kind of cold. :'''Fran''': Nice try, Higgly kids. But I don't think this is gonna work now. :'''Wayne''': Oh. How will we ever get bigger clothes? ===''Catch Up With Ketchup / Star Struck''=== :'''Twinkle''': Ooh. It's raining marshmallows! :''[Two marshmallows land on Wayne's glasses]'' :'''Kip''': Wayne, you got marshmallow on your glasses. :'''Wayne''': Uh, I can't see. Everything looks like it's covered in marshmallows. :'''Eubie''': ''[takes Wayne's glasses off his eyes]'' Maybe I can wipe your glasses off with my shirt. :'''Kip''': No. We can take them inside and wash them off. :'''Wayne''': Wait! I only clean them with my special cleaning cloth. ''[runs into Eubie and Kip, and accidentally breaks his glasses]'' :'''Eubie and Kip''': Uh-oh! :'''Wayne''': What happened? :'''Twinkle''': Oh, no! Wayne! Your glasses are broken! :'''Wayne''': Broken?! I can't wear my glasses if they're broken! And if I can't wear my glasses, I can't see clearly! ''[in his POV, his vision is all blurry]'' It looks… blurry. Like I'm opening my eyes underwater. If everything is blurry, then I'm not gonna be able to see the shooting stars! What am I gonna do? {{line}} :'''Fran''': Oh, that's a mighty fine idea, Twinkle. Yes, sir, but I'm afraid that lenses made of ice would just melt. :'''Twinkle''': Aw, pickles. ''[snaps fingers in disappointment]'' ==''Twinkle's Wish''== ===''Twinkle's Masterpiece / The Egg-cellent Adventure''=== :'''Wayne''': ''[curiously]'' Gee, Mom. Don't we even get a hint where we're going? :'''Plunkie''': No. I told you-- it's a surprise. You'll see when we get there. :'''Fran''': Can anyone guess where we're going? :'''Twinkle''': Oh, I hope we're going to the pink puppy poodle palace so we can see all the pink poodles. :'''Plunkie''': You don't have to guess anymore, kids. We're here! ''[they arrive at an artist's house]'' This is where my friend Nikki lives. She's an artist, and she's gonna give you art lessons. :'''Twinkle''': Art lessons? :'''Kids''': Cool! :''[A moment later, they stand in front of the front door as Nikki, a blind artist, answers]'' :'''Nikki''': Wow. You're right on time! Hey there, future artists. I'm Nikki. :'''Kids''': Hi, Nikki. {{line}} :'''Phil''': Ooh, looks like I'll be juggling melons again. {{line}} :'''Eubie''': Grandpop Crank? ''You're'' a Higglytown Hero? ===''Wayne's Ripping Adventure / Meet Eubie's Cousin''=== :'''Kip''': Wow, Twinkle. You're going to be great at your recital. :'''Eubie''': So a recital is when you perform in front of a lot of people? :'''Fran''': That's right, Eubie. :'''Twinkle''': I wish you could all come, but this recital is only for family members, like my mom and Wayne. :'''Wayne''': Yeah. I can't wait to go. {{line}} :'''Plunkie''': ''[reminding Wayne]'' Remember that tonight is a special night for Twinkle. I want you to look your best. So once you put on your good clothes, be careful to keep them nice and clean. :'''Wayne''': Don't worry, Mom. I will. {{line}} :'''Wayne''': ''[horrified when he accidentally rips his pants]'' Oh, no! I've ripped my good pants! ''[sadly]'' Mom said I have to look nice in my good clothes if I want to go to Twinkle's recital. What am I gonna do? ''[starts singing his Ripped Pants Blues song] ♪ When I woke up this morning, the sun was in the sky :''When I looked in the mirror,'' :''I sure was lookin' fine!'' :''It was the day of the recital: my sister's ballet debut'' :''I'll never see her dance now 'cause of the ripped pants, can't go blues'' :''My mom said, "Be careful." She said, "Stay nice and clean."'' :''When she sees what I've done here, she's gonna turn a sickly green!'' :''My best pants are in tatters, and my shirt is dirty too!'' :''I'm gonna miss the ballet 'cause of the ripped pants, can't go blues'' :''I tried to be careful, I just made one mistake'' :''The rest of the family's going, but I'm gonna miss Swan Lake'' :''Now my whole life is ruined, and my heart is broken too'' :''I'm gonna miss the ballet 'cause of the ripped pants… can't go blues'' :''Yeah… ♪'' :'''Eubie''': ''[remorsefully after the song ends]'' That's the saddest song I've ever heard. {{line}} :'''Wayne''': Please don't be mad, Twinkle. I really wanted to look nice for your recital. It was an accident. ===''Say What? / Higgly Harmonies''=== :'''Twinkle''': ''[plays her Flamingo Cello]'' How was that, mom? ===''Patty Cake / Having a Ball''=== :'''Wayne''': Yeah, If they don't get more bread, well never to make our sandwiches. and If they don't get make sandwiches, well never to go on our picnic! ===''Wayne's Good Guess / Wayne's 100 Special Somethings''=== ===''Fran Takes a Hike / Mystery at Kip's House''=== :'''Wayne''': What are we gonna do?! ''[a thumping noise is heard again, everyone screams in terror]'' :'''Eubie''': If only there was someone special to help us! :'''Wayne''': ''[pops up then sings]'' Someone special, who could it be? :'''Twinkle''': ''[singing]'' This job’s too big for you and me! :'''Fran''': We need some help! :'''Kip''': But never fear-o! ===''Bright Sights, Big City / Kip's Shadow''=== :''[The Higgly kids, Aunt Mellie and Uncle Zooter, and Jax are riding an express train heading to Higgly Biggly City]'' :'''Fran''': Goodness gumballs! You kids sure are excited about this trip to Higgly Biggly City. :'''Twinkle''': Of course! Higgly Biggly City is the only place you can see ''Happy, Hairy, Higgly Monsters Live!'' :'''Eubie''': Thanks for taking us, Aunt Mellie and Uncle Zooter. :'''Aunt Mellie''': Of course, Eubie. :'''Uncle Zooter''': It's our pleasure. :'''Jax''': It sure was great to visit you guys in Higglytown, but now I can't wait for you all to see ''my'' home city. :'''Kip''': And I can't wait to see ''Happy, Hairy, Higgly Monsters Live.'' :'''Wayne''': Me, too. It's supposed to be the best show on Higglyway, and it has ''all'' the Happy, Hairy, Higgly Monsters! {{line}} :''[The gang arrives at the theater on Higglyway for the show, only to find that it isn't open yet]'' :'''Uncle Zooter''': Gee, it looks like… :'''Aunt Mellie''': The theater isn't open yet. :'''Kids''': ''[disappointed]'' Aw! :'''Aunt Mellie''': ''[checks the time on her watch]'' The show doesn't start… :'''Uncle Zooter''': ''[checks the time on his watch]'' For another few hours. :'''Jax''': I've got an idea. Since we have plenty of time, why don't we go see the Higgly Biggly City sights? :'''Aunt Mellie''': Why, Jax, I declare I think that's… a super-dupity idea. {{line}} :'''Twinkle''': Can you take a bride and groom to a fancy ballroom? :'''Taxi Driver Hero''': I'd love to! :'''Wayne''': Or drive a bobcat to a laundromat? :'''Taxi Driver Hero''': If he's got the fare. ===''Kip Joins the Circus / Baby Boom''=== :'''Twinkle''': What’s that? :'''Fran''': Everyone’s already run for cover. :'''Twinkle''': Aw pickles. ''[runs for cover with the others]'' :'''Wayne''': Why did it have to rain? How can we have our circus in the rain? :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Don’t worry, Wayne. I think it’s just a little shower. Look! The rain’s lighten up already. ''[the Higgly Kids look at the rain lighting up]'' :'''Kip''': Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s get back to the Fricky Frack Funhouse circus! Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go! ''[a storm clap is heard]'' Or maybe we could wait a little longer. ''[a thunder clap hits Fricky Frack Funhouse setting it on fire]'' :'''Twinkle''': Oh no! Look! Fricky Frack Funhouse is on fire! ''[zooms to Fricky Frack Funhouse on fire]'' :'''Uncle Lemmo''': This is terrible! We can’t let Fricky Frack Funhouse burnt down! :'''Wayne''': Can somebody do something?! :'''Eubie''': We really need the help of someone special right away! ===''Twinkle's Favorite Author / Don't Fence Me In''=== :'''Pizza Guy''': ''LOOK OUT BELOW!!!!!'' :'''Kip''': Oh, no the pizza! :'''Library Man''': The library! :'''Twinkle''': And worst of all, PJ Butternut is trapped inside! {{line}}: :'''Uncle Lemmo and Gloria''': What? It’s my fence! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': If it’s your fence, what’s it doing on my property? :'''Gloria''': It’s not on your property, it’s on my property! And I’m painting my fence on my property yellow! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Purple! :'''Gloria''': Yellow! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': PURPLE! :'''Gloria''': Yellow! ===''Higgly Hoedown / Eubie's Turbo Sled''=== ===''Kip's Sweet Tooth / Wayne's Lollipop''=== :'''Kip''': Chocolate on chocolate? Way to go, Wayne. :'''Wayne''': But you haven't seen my secret ingredient. I call it, my "Choco-toast-tastic ice cream sandwich sundae." :'''Kip''': Nice going, Eubie. I hope it tastes as good as it looks. :'''Eubie''': My secret ingredient: lucky 4-leaf clover cookie for good luck. :'''Kip''': Ha! That's one nutty sundae, Fran. :'''Fran''': Oh, the nuttier the better, I always say. {{line}} :'''Dentist Hero''': So, what's the problem, Kip? ''[Kip mumbles indistinctly with his mouth wide open]'' Sorry, Kip. I can't understand what you're saying. :'''Bitty''': (He said) He tried to eat some ice cream, but every time he took a bite, it hurt. :'''Dentist Hero''': Well, I have to take a close look at your teeth, but it sounds like you might have a cavity. :'''Kip''': A ''cavity?!'' {{line}} :'''Wayne''': ''[witnessing a gigantic rainbow lollipop]'' Wow! That's a really big lollipop! :'''Candy Cart Owner''': A gargantuan giant lollipop is what I call it. :'''Wayne''': It's got so many colors. :'''Candy Cart Owner''': Every color of the rainbow, and each one's a different flavor on the tongue. Green is sublimely lime. Red is raucous raspberry. Blue is… :'''Twinkle''': Catch it! :'''Kip''': I got it! I got it! :'''Eubie''': Excuse me. :'''Wayne''': The blue is blueberry? :'''Candy Cart Owner''': Burstin' blueberry. That swirl of yellow is lipsmackin' lemon, and the purple is… :'''Wayne''': Grape-jelly grape. Those are all my favorite flavors. {{line}} :'''Kip''': Wow! That's the biggest jumbo lollipop I've ever seen! :'''Twinkle''': It's gonna take you forever to lick. :'''Eubie''': Or even longer. {{line}} :'''Fran''': My, oh, my, that's one colorful idea there, Twinkle. But the thing is, Higglytown's kinda low on Leprechauns this time of year, don't ya know? :'''Twinkle''': ''[disappointed]'' Aw…pickles. :'''Wayne''': This is terrible. If I can't find a way to get this lollipop out of my hair, it's gonna be stuck on my head forever. What am I gonna do?! ===''Kip's Dad Gets a Strike / A Really Hot Day''=== :'''Fripp''': '''STOP THAT BALL!!!''' :'''[[w:Pizza Guy (Higglytown Heroes)|Pizza Guy]]''': This looks like a job for Pizza Guy! <hr width=50%> :'''Pizza Guy''': ''[passing the Nacho Brothers: Vince, Stephen and Alex on his skateboard]'' Sorry, Nacho Brothers! Almost there! Almost there! :''[X-57 Strike King ball crash]'' :'''Fripp''': ''[sadly]'' Oh, no. My X-57 Strike King. It's broken. ===''Higgly Frog Day / Eubie's Ele-fantastic Adventure''=== :'''Kip''': I wonder where Fran is. She said she was gonna meet us here. :'''Wayne''': Yeah. Where could she be? :'''Fran''': ''[hopping towards the kids, wearing a frog hat]'' Ribbit. Ribbit. Ribbit. Don't ya know? :'''Twinkle''': Fran, why are you wearing that hat? :'''Fran''': Oh, my wiggly whiskers. You kids didn't forget, did you? :'''Wayne''': Forget what? :'''Fran''': Why, it's Higgly Frog Day! :'''Eubie''': Higgly Frog Day? :'''Twinkle''': ''[remembers]'' Oh, yeah! I remember! Lots of higgly frogs live in Higgly Swamp. But during the winter, it gets too cold for that. So every winter, the higgly frogs hop south where it's nice and warm. :'''Fran''': But after winter is over, the higgly frogs return to their homes in Higgly Swamp on this very same day every year. :'''Twinkle''': And they hop right through Higglytown on their way to the swamp. :'''Fran''': That's right. So every year, Higglytown holds a big celebration in the town square to welcome the higgly frogs as they pass through Higglytown on their way to their swampy homes. :'''Kip''': Well, let's get to the town square. Let's go, let's go, let's go! {{line}} :'''Uncle Lemmo''': The frogs are on their way! Let's start the parade, I say! {{line}} :''[As the higgly frogs hop down the street, they soon get stuck in all the confetti and streamers]'' :'''Eubie''': The higgly frogs can't hop through all the confetti and streamers. :'''Fran''': They sure can't. That's one big mess out there in the street. You betcha. :'''Wayne''': This is terrible! The higgly frogs can't hop through all this trash. We need to think of some way to get rid of it. :'''Eubie''': But how? :'''Twinkle''': ''[gets an idea]'' Oh! Oh! I know, I know, I know! First, we make a big stack of flippy floppy flapjacks. The flying fluffy frog fairies can come eat up all the flippy floppy flapjacks. The flippy floppy flapjacks will give the flying fluffy frog fairies the magical energy they need to change all the trash into little tiny bugs. :'''Wayne''': Wait a second. I don't think I like this plan. :'''Twinkle''': Why not? :'''Wayne''': I don't want all those flies flying around. :'''Twinkle''': They won't. Because higgly frogs love to eat up all the bugs they can. Then the trash will be all gone and the higgly frogs will happily hop off to Higgly Swamp with happy, full frogs tummies. :'''Fran''': That's one magical idea there, Twinkle. But there's just one problem. Flying fluffy frog fairies don't like flippy floppy flapjacks. :'''Twinkle''': ''[snaps her fingers in disappointment]'' Aw, pickles. :'''Kip''': We could clean the trash up. But there's too much. It'll take us forever to clean all this up. :'''Wayne''': What are we gonna do? We have to get all this trash cleaned up or the higgly frogs are never gonna get to Higgly Swamp. :'''Eubie''': As Higgly Frog hop-along leader, I declare that we need the help of someone special. {{line}} :'''Eubie''': Could you sweep a thousand pies if they're falling from the skies? :'''Kip''': Can you clean up the grime of a sticky monster's slime? :'''Street Sweeper Hero''': ''♪ Monster slime or falling pie / You can wave them all bye-bye / Cleaning up is what I do / On any street or avenue ♪'' {{line}} :'''Twinkle''': Thanks, Ms. Street Sweeper. :'''Kip''': We never could've cleared up the streets without you. :'''Street Sweeper Hero''': Shucks. I'm glad to help out the higgly frogs. Besides, I was just doing my job. Keeping Higglytown clean helps make it a great place to live. :'''Wayne''': It sure does. :'''Street Sweeper Hero''': But remember, everyone, cleaning up is great. But it's even better to keep things clean in the first place. So if you remember not to litter, you can be… :'''Kids''': Higglytown Heroes! ===''Wayne's Letter Factory / Live at the Birthday Lounges''=== ==''Season 2''== ===''Twinkle, Twinkle Little Fish / All the Wrong Moves''=== ===''Kip Gets Swing Fever / Wayne's Pieces of Gold''=== ===''All Warm Inside / Calling All Ducks''=== :'''Kip''': My Flylophone sounds just as good as the last time it buzzed. ''[hears bongo noises and then, Fran pops out playing her bongos]'' :'''Fran''': Oh, and my bongo drums sound mighty funky, yes sir! <hr width=50%> :'''Pizza Guy''': Can I bring my Electric Pizza-lin? :'''Kip''': Sure! The more instruments the better. :'''Pizza Guy''': Totally radical! Yeah! Whoo! <hr width=50%> :'''Wayne''': I got my Wayneatone! ''[plays it, and then Twinkle pops out with her Flamingo Cello]'' :'''Twinkle''': And I got my Flamingo Cello! ''[plays it]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Eubie''': Oh, Bouncylodeon! How I’ve missed you! ''[gets it on the wagon, Aunt Mellie and Uncle Zooter arrive]'' :'''Aunt Mellie''': Our Loop-A-Pop-A-Squeak-A-Phone… :'''Uncle Zooter''': Is gonna sound great on the lake! ===''The Totally Secret Valentine / A Valentine for Ms. Fern''=== ===''Cry Baby Pookie / Wait for Me''=== :''[The Higgly kids and Bitty enter Pookie's room to surprise her as she's woken up from her nap]'' :'''Wayne''': ''[whispering]'' I wonder what Pookie's gonna say when we tell her it's her birthday. :'''Twinkle''': ''[whispering]'' I know. She's gonna say, "Goo-goo ga-ga, kee-kee!" :'''Kids''': ''[whispering]'' Happy Birthday, Pookie. :''[Pookie suddenly starts crying]'' :'''Eubie''': Oh, no. Pookie's crying. :'''Twinkle''': What happened to the "Goo ga-ga, kee-kee?" :'''Wayne''': Oopsie. Did we do something wrong? :'''Bitty''': No. It's not your fault, kids. Babies often cry when they wake up from their naps. Sometimes they just want be held. ''[picks up Pookie from her bed for comfort]'' Watch. There, there, Pookie-poo. Mommy's here. Everything's all right. :''[Pookie cries louder]'' :'''Kip''': She's still crying, Mom. {{line}} :'''Kip''': Poor Pookie. She's supposed to be happy on her birthday, not sad. :'''Twinkle''': If only there was some way we could make her smile. {{line}} :'''Wayne''': If Pookie doesn't stop crying, she won't have a happy birthday. And if Pookie doesn't have a happy birthday-- :'''Twinkle''': She'll have a sad birthday. ===''Balloon-a-palooza / Wayne's Day Out''=== ==''The Fran In the Moon''== ===''Me and My Shadow / Out to Sea''=== :'''Kip''': Give me that flag! :'''Twinkle''': ''[giggles]'' He thinks it's a game. :'''Kip''': But it's not a game. ''[annoyed]'' Uhh! Shadow, listen to me! Stop right now! :'''Eubie''': Um, Kip, Shadow's not stopping. :'''Wayne''': He's not doing ''anything'' you say. :'''Kip''': I know. What am I gonna do? {{line}} :'''Ms. Fern''': Down, Shadow! Down! :'''Kip''': Sorry, Ms. Fern. I tried to control Shadow all morning, but I guess I just can't. :'''Wayne''': This is awful! Our tower is toppled! Our classroom is a mess! :'''Twinkle''': There's dog slobber everywhere. :'''Wayne''': What are we gonna do? ===''Don't Wayne On My Parade / Twinkle's Terrific Twirl''=== ===''Wayne's Big, Big Discovery / Dirigible Day''=== ==''The Legend of Higgsquatch''== ===''Eubie's Big Boat Float / A Slippery Situation''=== ==''Higgly Island''== ===''Corn to Be Wild / Overnight Moose''=== ===''Shear Luck / Big Night Out''=== ===''Kip's Rocket Rescue / Let's Get Moving''=== :''[The Higgly kids arrive at Kip's grandparent's house with some boxes sitting in front]'' :'''Kip''': Grandpa-pa! Grandma-ma! :'''Grandpa-pa''': Hey there, Kip. :'''Grandma-ma''': It's so good to see you. :'''Kip''': It's good to see you, too. :'''Grandma-ma''': What brings you kids here today? :'''Kip''': We came up here to get some cardboard boxes so we can make a pizza palace for our backyard Higgly Biggly City. :'''Fripp''': Aw, sorry, Kip. But Grandpa-pa and Grandma-ma need all their cardboard boxes. Today is the day they're moving. :'''Eubie, Wayne & Twinkle''': Moving?! :'''Kip''': I knew you were moving, but I didn't know you were moving today. :'''Wayne''': But we don't want you to move away. :'''Kip''': Don't worry. They're not moving far away, just to a brand new house in another part of Higglytown. :'''Eubie, Wayne & Twinkle''': A brand-new house? {{line}} :'''Fripp''': ''[takes an old baseball glove off the shelf]'' Wow. There are so many memories down here. Hard to believe you're packing up and moving out of the house I grew up in. :'''Kip''': ''[finds a baby photo album and blows off the dust]'' What's this, Dad? :'''Fripp''': Hey, it's my baby photo album. I bet there's lots of great memories in there. :'''Kip''': ''[opens the photo album and finds a photo of Baby Fripp]'' Is that you, Dad? :'''Fripp''': It sure is. :'''Grandma-ma''': Why, that's your father back when he was a brand new, tiny baby. ''[turns the page to more Baby Fripp photos]'' :'''Eubie''': You sure were a cute baby, Mr. Kip's Dad. :'''Twinkle''': Yeah! You were a cutesy wootsey wootsey woo. :''[Everyone else laughs as Fripp frowns in embarrassment]'' :'''Grandma-ma''': Your dad used to like it when I'd say, "Gootchie gootchie wah wah." :'''Fripp''': Sorry, everyone, but we have to pack this, too. ===''Calling All Cars! / Amazing Museum''=== ===''Frozen Fish Follies / Look Who's Squawking''=== ===''Eubie's Pink Dots / Two Bees or Not Two Bees''=== ===''Wayne's Day to Shine / Wayne Listens Up''=== :'''Wayne''': ''[slips]'' Whoa, whoa! :''[Wayne knocks off the ladder then, the bottom of the ladder pushes the paint buckets]'' :'''All''': ''[gasp after they got paint all over themselves]'' Our Costumes! :'''Wayne''': Heh, whoopsie! ===''A Hopping Popping Problem / Hay Hay Hay!''=== ==''Season 3''== ===''Happy Campers / All Washed Out''=== ===''Hats All Folks / Hop Hop Hooray''=== ===''Shuffleboard Buddies / All Mapped Out''=== ===''12-Pie Abe / The Day the Dinner Stood Still''=== :'''Longest Beard Mike''': Look! Aliens from another planet! I told ya! Didn’t I tell ya?! I told ya! ===''Saturday Night Higgly / Monster Sandwiches''=== :'''Eubie''': ''[to Kip as Fripp continues hopping nonstop with the CD skipping]'' Um, Kip, what's wrong with your dad? :'''Wayne''': Yeah. Why won't he stop hopping? {{line}} :'''Kip''': Are you okay, Dad? :'''Fripp''': I'm fine. But look at this CD. It's covered with scratches. And without ''Freddy Fever Disco Beaver,'' my dancing days are over. :'''Wayne''': Say it isn't so! You practiced so hard. Plus, I skipped my toast break so I'd have extra room… for the Banana Horn! What are we gonna do?! :'''Eubie''': Um, get someone special to help us? {{line}} :'''Musician Hero #1''': ''♪ We're musicians, clap your hands / We play instruments in our band / Bringing you joy is our goal / With Rock / Jazz / Disco / And Soul! ♪'' :'''Musician Hero #2''': ''♪ We practice songs every day / 'Cause we love to sing and play / Note for note and beat to beat / You'll be dancing cheek to cheek ♪'' :'''Wayne''': Could you play some cool bebop for some hep cats and their pops? :'''Twinkle''': Could you whisk away the blues for a tortoise with the flu? :'''Musician Hero #1''': ''♪ Blues for reptiles, jazz for cats / Our music is where it's at ♪'' :'''Musician Hero #2''': ''♪ Music is a happy sound / Loved the whole wide world around ♪'' ===''The Big Pink Elephant Sale / Higglies On Horseback''=== ===''Easy to Get Sneezy / Unlock the Magic''=== :'''Plunkie''': Allergic is when you have a ''bad'' reaction to something. {{line}} :'''Jessi''': My wig! ''[laughs maniacally]'' MY WIG! ===''Buki Buki Boo Boo / Signs of Spring''=== ===''Wayne's Cycle Recycle / Wayne's Wet Pet''=== ===''X Marks the Spot! / Eubie's View''=== :''[Eubie is finishing up his painting of the beautiful sunset on the easel before going to bed]'' :'''Flappy''': Beautiful! ''[squawks]'' Beautiful! ''[whistles]'' :'''Eubie''': It sure is, Flappy. This might be the best sunset yet. :''[Aunt Mellie and Uncle Zooter enter his bedroom]'' :'''Uncle Zooter''': How's the painting… :'''Aunt Mellie''': Coming along? :'''Eubie''': Almost finished. There! All done! :'''Aunt Mellie''': ''[amazed]'' Why, Eubie, darling. :'''Uncle Zooter''': It's simply beautiful. :'''Flappy''': Beautiful! Beautiful! :'''Aunt Mellie''': But now… :'''Uncle Zooter''': It's time for you to go to bed. :'''Eubie''': Aw. :'''Uncle Zooter''': Don't worry, Eubie. There will be… :'''Aunt Mellie''': Another sunset tomorrow. ===''Wing-a-ding Whirly Box / Windy Watchers''=== ===''Choo Choo Zucchini / Something Ducky Going On''=== :''[The Higgly Kids gasp in surprise at their zucchini's enormous size when they enter the backyard]'' :'''Fran''': Oh, get your peppers around that! :'''Wayne''': Our little seed grew, grew, grew! :'''Kip''': Come on! Let's put in Eubie's wagon and take it to the show! :'''Eubie''': Uh-oh! I don't think Mr. Zucchini is going to fit in my wagon. :'''Fran''': Nope. That veggie's gonna need a special delivery. {{line}} :'''Wayne''': If we don't find something strong enough, fast enough, and big enough, we're never gonna get Mr. Zucchini to corn county in time for the Fruit and Veggie Spectacular. ===''Fripp's Flip-flap Flop / Say Cheese''=== :'''Wayne and Twinkle''': Uncle Lemmo?! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Yep, I’m a Higglytown Hero. :'''All''': Wow! ===''Canyon Capers / Highcountry Hiccups''=== ==''Calling All Heroes''== :''[While setting up the party decorations in the backyard to celebrate Wayne's birthday, a flash of thunder and lightning strikes and a strong wind starts blowing away all the decorations]'' :'''Kip''': My hat! :'''Twinkle''': My tiara! :'''Wayne''': My pizza! :'''Twinkle''': Oh, no! :'''Plunkie''': Quickly, everybody! Help grab what you can and hop indoors before it starts to rain. {{line}} :'''Plunkie''': What a terrible storm! We should stay away from the window in case it rains. :''[Thunder and lightning strike from the dark grey clouds]'' :'''Twinkle''': Here comes the rain! :'''Plunkie''': I'm just glad we all managed to get indoors in time. :'''Kip''': Oh, no! Look at Pizza Guy! :''[Pizza Guy drives through the storm, steering out of control and pizza pellets fly out from the back of his van]'' :'''Eubie''': I hope Pizza Guy is okay. :'''Fran''': That was a close one. :'''Wayne''': But wait a second. I just thought of something. Didn't Pizza Guy say you're only supposed to add "one" drop of water to his pizza pellets? :'''Kip''': I think so. Why? :'''Wayne''': Because all of his pizza pellets just went flying out into the storm! What's gonna happen when those pellets get soaking wet?! {{line}} :''[After the horrible storm leaves Higglytown, Kip and Eubie reunite with their families]'' :'''Bitty''': Kip? :'''Kip''': Mom! :'''Aunt Millie''': Eubie! :'''Bitty''': Are you all right? :'''Aunt Millie''': We tried callin'. :'''Uncle Zooter''': But all the phones in town are dead. :'''Fripp''': Then we had to wait till the storm was over until we could head out. :'''Bitty''': Oh, we've been so worried! :'''Plunkie''': Don't worry. We've all been safe inside. ===''Happy Flappy Birthday / Cuckoo County Cawcaw Contest''=== ===''Little Big Fish / Good Sports''=== ===''Tis' the Season to Be Snowy / Bingo Bongos''=== :'''Fripp''': That’s one hippity-hop idea, Twinkle. But hopping cave hippos like to live in caves where it’s nice and quiet. Bringing them to a concert might hurt their ears. ===''Wayne's Toasty Invention / Spell It Safe''=== ==External Links== {{Wikipedia}} [[Category:American children's TV shows]] mi1a21x95u8ehmv5hiplyfbv7kopky4 3778639 3778638 2025-07-14T13:32:14Z 2603:6010:AF00:AAF8:9D79:930A:E716:8326 /* Twinkle's Favorite Author / Don't Fence Me In */ 3778639 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Higglytown Heroes|Higglytown Heroes]]''''' is an American computer-animated children's television series that premiered on September 12, 2004 and on January 7, 2008 in the United States. More episodes are coming soon. ==''Season 1''== ===''Up A Tree / Missing Grandpop''=== :'''Jennifer Whiskers''': She must be lost! :'''All''': LOST?! ===''Twinkle Tooth / Flower Power''=== :[''[[w:Twinkle (Higglytown Heroes)|Twinkle]] gasps''] :'''[[w:Eubie (Higglytown Heroes)|Eubie]]''': What’s wrong, Twinkle? ''[cuts to Twinkle]'' :'''Twinkle''': My tooth! It’s- it’s loose! :'''[[w:Wayne (Higglytown Heroes)|Wayne]]''': Oh No! Somebody do something! :'''Eubie''': It’s okay, Twinkle. All kids loose their baby teeth. :'''Twinkle''': They do? ===''Flappy's Not Happy / Electric Evening''=== ===''Smooth Operator / Sticky Situation''=== :'''Bitty''': ''[goes over the phone and answers it]'' Hello? :'''Eubie''': I wonder who's calling. :'''[[w:Kip (Higglytown Heroes)|Kip]]''': With a phone call, it could be ''anybody.'' :'''Wayne''': I hope it's not my mom calling because she found those brussel sprouts in the umbrella stand. :''[A 2D animated sequence in a thought cloud shows Plunkie calling Bitty, dumping brussel sprouts out of the umbrella stand]'' :'''Plunkie''': I'm sure there is a perfectly reasonable explanation, Bitty. I just don't know what it is. {{line}} :'''Bitty''': ''[hangs up; to the kids]'' That was Grandma-ma. I have to take her to visit Aunt Susie this afternoon, so I won't be able to help make macaroni hats after all. I'm very sorry, kids. I know I said I would, but I really have to go with Grandma-ma. :'''Twinkle''': And I thought we were going to have a lot of fun today. :'''Wayne''': Yeah, fun. ===''Weather or Not / Green In the Gills''=== :'''Twinkle''': That's prettier than a unicorn dressed up like a princess. Oh, I love a breezy breeze. :'''Kids''': Whoa! :'''Wayne''': Whoopsie. :''[barrel crash]'' :'''[[w:Fran (Higglytown Heroes)|Fran]]''': Oh, no! :'''Kids''': Whoa! :'''Wayne''': Stop that barrel! :''[barrel crash again]'' :'''Fran''': ''[sadly]'' My barrel's broken, and all my acorns all gone. Acorn day is runied. I need a time out. ==''Halloween Heroes''== :'''Fran''': It’s when all the ghosts and goblins and monsters come out for spooky fun. ''[cuts to the kids]'' :'''Wayne''': There aren’t really any monsters, are there, Fran? :'''Fran''': Oh, don’t worry, Wayne. There’s no such thing as… ''[cuts to Uncle Lemmo opening the door with a Jack-o’-lantern to scare the kids]'' '''MONSTERS!!!!!!!''' :''[zooms at Uncle Lemmo, cuts to the kids scream in terror, cuts back to Uncle Lemmo dropping his pumpkin after screaming in fear, cuts back to the kids]'' :'''All''': Uncle Lemmo?! ''[move to Uncle Lemmo after he was revealed, cuts to the kids moving to talk to Uncle Lemmo]'' :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Oh, kids! You nearly startled me right outta my pants. :'''Eubie''': We thought you were a pumpkin monster! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Nope, just being my Jack'o'lantern. Ugh, looks like I'm gonna have to carve a new one now. ''[scene wipes to Uncle Lemmo carving another Jack'o'Lantern]'' :'''Twinkle''': Why do we make Jack o lanterns on Halloween, anyway? :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Do you kids mean to tell me that you’ve never heard the story of the first Jack’o’Lantern? :'''Eubie''': Nuh-uh! :'''Kip''': Tell us! :'''Twinkle''': Please tell us, Uncle Lemmo! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': It all started in Higglytown a long, long time ago. :'''Black Cat''': ''[meows]'' :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Every year in Higglytown had a big Halloween Party. :'''Albert the Vampire''': ''[as Plunkie departures him]'' Ugh! <hr width=50%> :'''Jennifer Whiskers''': ''[sniffs, then pinches her nose]'' Eew… ''[walks away from Jake the archer and Albert the vampire]'' :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Now- back then, they were five friends. And just like everyone else in Higglytown, these friends couldn’t wait for Halloween! :'''Kip''': I’m a robot! :'''Twinkle''': A princess. :'''Eubie''': A walrus! :'''Fran''': A bat! :'''Wayne''': An Alien-Clown-Cowboy, imagine that! <hr width=50%> :'''Pumpkin Monster''': Of course I can, I’m a scary monster, and scary monsters are very mean! ''[shakes Fran the bat]'' :'''Fran''': Oh, well, I suppose you’re right about that! :'''Pumpkin Monster''': ''[takes Fran the bat to his Pumpkin Castle]'' Bwaaaah! <hr width=50%> :'''Pumpkin Monster''': ''[gets the pumpkin key, then runs down the stairs making monster noises]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Eubie''': I’m phoning a friend. ''[Bernice’s phone rings]'' :'''Bernice''': Hello. :'''Eubie''': Hi, Bernice. I was wondering if you could do us a really big favor. <hr width=50%> :'''Wayne''': Agh! ''[hides inside Eubie, then they walk up to the pumpkin castle]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Fran''': There's just one problem. :'''Twinkle''': What is that? :'''Fran''': The Pumpkin Monster is STANDING RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!!!!! :'''Eubie, Wayne, Twinkle, Kip and the Pumpkin Monster''': AAAH!!!!!!! :''[they hide inside themselves]'' :'''Pumpkin Monster''': So, you thought you could come and rescue Fran the bat? Hahaha. <hr width=50%> :'''Pumpkin Monster''': Where did I put that key? ''[pulls out the umbrella]'' No that's not it. ''[throws the umbrella away. Next: the Pumpkin Monster pulls out a seat]'' Oh no. That's a chair. ''[throws a seat away. Next: the Pumpkin Monster pulls out a French Horn then he plays lively jazz music with the French Horn then throws the French Horn away.]'' Nope. ''[pulls out the key, which is correct]'' Aha! :'''Eubie''': We’e on our way, Fran! :'''Kip''': I’ve got the key, Fran! <hr width=50%> :'''Pumpkin Monster''': Friends sound terrific! Ah. If only I had some. :'''Eubie''': You silly monster! We’ll be your friend. :'''Pumpkin Monster''': Hot Diggity! ===''Smells Like a Mystery / Ship Ahoy!''=== Down, Boy. Down! Hal, Stucky. Hal! No, Huggy. No! {{line}} :'''Fripp''': My hot dog cart is gone! :'''Kip''': It was here just a minute ago. :'''Wayne''': Where could it be? {{line}} :'''Eubie''': ''[after Fripp sings his Hot Dog Cart Blues song; sniffs sadly]'' That's the saddest song I've ever heard. {{line}} :'''Eubie''': Hey, that's not a hot dog cart! :'''Wayne''': Yeah, that's a seal. {{line}} :'''Kip''': Wow, are you a Higglytown Hero? :'''Policewoman''': Sure. But you know else is a Higglytown Hero? Our police dog, Jiffy. ===''All Tire'd Out / Great Un-expectations''=== :'''Wayne''': When in doubt, pack everything. When it comes to the beach, you can never be too prepared. {{line}} :''[As the kids and Plunkie head on their way to the beach, the car gets a flat tire and comes to a stop in the middle of the road, and the kids cover their eyes]'' :'''Fran''': Oh my goodness gracious! :'''Eubie''': Is it thunder? Is it a monster? :'''Wayne''': Don't answer. I don't want to know! :'''Plunkie''': Oh, it's nothing to be afraid of. :'''Fran''': It's just a flat tire. :'''Plunkie''': ''[hops out of the car and inspects the tire]'' Oh! :'''Twinkle''': Mom, does this mean we're not going to the beach? ===''Soup With Stars / The Happy Friendly Sparkly Toast Club''=== ===''First Snow / Snow Dazed''=== :'''Kip''': I can't wear pink, with ribbons. :'''Twinkle''': Well, ''I'' want to wear pink, not green. :'''Wayne''': This jacket is itchy. :'''Eubie''': ''[shivering and freezing]'' Um… I'm kind of cold. :'''Fran''': Nice try, Higgly kids. But I don't think this is gonna work now. :'''Wayne''': Oh. How will we ever get bigger clothes? ===''Catch Up With Ketchup / Star Struck''=== :'''Twinkle''': Ooh. It's raining marshmallows! :''[Two marshmallows land on Wayne's glasses]'' :'''Kip''': Wayne, you got marshmallow on your glasses. :'''Wayne''': Uh, I can't see. Everything looks like it's covered in marshmallows. :'''Eubie''': ''[takes Wayne's glasses off his eyes]'' Maybe I can wipe your glasses off with my shirt. :'''Kip''': No. We can take them inside and wash them off. :'''Wayne''': Wait! I only clean them with my special cleaning cloth. ''[runs into Eubie and Kip, and accidentally breaks his glasses]'' :'''Eubie and Kip''': Uh-oh! :'''Wayne''': What happened? :'''Twinkle''': Oh, no! Wayne! Your glasses are broken! :'''Wayne''': Broken?! I can't wear my glasses if they're broken! And if I can't wear my glasses, I can't see clearly! ''[in his POV, his vision is all blurry]'' It looks… blurry. Like I'm opening my eyes underwater. If everything is blurry, then I'm not gonna be able to see the shooting stars! What am I gonna do? {{line}} :'''Fran''': Oh, that's a mighty fine idea, Twinkle. Yes, sir, but I'm afraid that lenses made of ice would just melt. :'''Twinkle''': Aw, pickles. ''[snaps fingers in disappointment]'' ==''Twinkle's Wish''== ===''Twinkle's Masterpiece / The Egg-cellent Adventure''=== :'''Wayne''': ''[curiously]'' Gee, Mom. Don't we even get a hint where we're going? :'''Plunkie''': No. I told you-- it's a surprise. You'll see when we get there. :'''Fran''': Can anyone guess where we're going? :'''Twinkle''': Oh, I hope we're going to the pink puppy poodle palace so we can see all the pink poodles. :'''Plunkie''': You don't have to guess anymore, kids. We're here! ''[they arrive at an artist's house]'' This is where my friend Nikki lives. She's an artist, and she's gonna give you art lessons. :'''Twinkle''': Art lessons? :'''Kids''': Cool! :''[A moment later, they stand in front of the front door as Nikki, a blind artist, answers]'' :'''Nikki''': Wow. You're right on time! Hey there, future artists. I'm Nikki. :'''Kids''': Hi, Nikki. {{line}} :'''Phil''': Ooh, looks like I'll be juggling melons again. {{line}} :'''Eubie''': Grandpop Crank? ''You're'' a Higglytown Hero? ===''Wayne's Ripping Adventure / Meet Eubie's Cousin''=== :'''Kip''': Wow, Twinkle. You're going to be great at your recital. :'''Eubie''': So a recital is when you perform in front of a lot of people? :'''Fran''': That's right, Eubie. :'''Twinkle''': I wish you could all come, but this recital is only for family members, like my mom and Wayne. :'''Wayne''': Yeah. I can't wait to go. {{line}} :'''Plunkie''': ''[reminding Wayne]'' Remember that tonight is a special night for Twinkle. I want you to look your best. So once you put on your good clothes, be careful to keep them nice and clean. :'''Wayne''': Don't worry, Mom. I will. {{line}} :'''Wayne''': ''[horrified when he accidentally rips his pants]'' Oh, no! I've ripped my good pants! ''[sadly]'' Mom said I have to look nice in my good clothes if I want to go to Twinkle's recital. What am I gonna do? ''[starts singing his Ripped Pants Blues song] ♪ When I woke up this morning, the sun was in the sky :''When I looked in the mirror,'' :''I sure was lookin' fine!'' :''It was the day of the recital: my sister's ballet debut'' :''I'll never see her dance now 'cause of the ripped pants, can't go blues'' :''My mom said, "Be careful." She said, "Stay nice and clean."'' :''When she sees what I've done here, she's gonna turn a sickly green!'' :''My best pants are in tatters, and my shirt is dirty too!'' :''I'm gonna miss the ballet 'cause of the ripped pants, can't go blues'' :''I tried to be careful, I just made one mistake'' :''The rest of the family's going, but I'm gonna miss Swan Lake'' :''Now my whole life is ruined, and my heart is broken too'' :''I'm gonna miss the ballet 'cause of the ripped pants… can't go blues'' :''Yeah… ♪'' :'''Eubie''': ''[remorsefully after the song ends]'' That's the saddest song I've ever heard. {{line}} :'''Wayne''': Please don't be mad, Twinkle. I really wanted to look nice for your recital. It was an accident. ===''Say What? / Higgly Harmonies''=== :'''Twinkle''': ''[plays her Flamingo Cello]'' How was that, mom? ===''Patty Cake / Having a Ball''=== :'''Wayne''': Yeah, If they don't get more bread, well never to make our sandwiches. and If they don't get make sandwiches, well never to go on our picnic! ===''Wayne's Good Guess / Wayne's 100 Special Somethings''=== ===''Fran Takes a Hike / Mystery at Kip's House''=== :'''Wayne''': What are we gonna do?! ''[a thumping noise is heard again, everyone screams in terror]'' :'''Eubie''': If only there was someone special to help us! :'''Wayne''': ''[pops up then sings]'' Someone special, who could it be? :'''Twinkle''': ''[singing]'' This job’s too big for you and me! :'''Fran''': We need some help! :'''Kip''': But never fear-o! ===''Bright Sights, Big City / Kip's Shadow''=== :''[The Higgly kids, Aunt Mellie and Uncle Zooter, and Jax are riding an express train heading to Higgly Biggly City]'' :'''Fran''': Goodness gumballs! You kids sure are excited about this trip to Higgly Biggly City. :'''Twinkle''': Of course! Higgly Biggly City is the only place you can see ''Happy, Hairy, Higgly Monsters Live!'' :'''Eubie''': Thanks for taking us, Aunt Mellie and Uncle Zooter. :'''Aunt Mellie''': Of course, Eubie. :'''Uncle Zooter''': It's our pleasure. :'''Jax''': It sure was great to visit you guys in Higglytown, but now I can't wait for you all to see ''my'' home city. :'''Kip''': And I can't wait to see ''Happy, Hairy, Higgly Monsters Live.'' :'''Wayne''': Me, too. It's supposed to be the best show on Higglyway, and it has ''all'' the Happy, Hairy, Higgly Monsters! {{line}} :''[The gang arrives at the theater on Higglyway for the show, only to find that it isn't open yet]'' :'''Uncle Zooter''': Gee, it looks like… :'''Aunt Mellie''': The theater isn't open yet. :'''Kids''': ''[disappointed]'' Aw! :'''Aunt Mellie''': ''[checks the time on her watch]'' The show doesn't start… :'''Uncle Zooter''': ''[checks the time on his watch]'' For another few hours. :'''Jax''': I've got an idea. Since we have plenty of time, why don't we go see the Higgly Biggly City sights? :'''Aunt Mellie''': Why, Jax, I declare I think that's… a super-dupity idea. {{line}} :'''Twinkle''': Can you take a bride and groom to a fancy ballroom? :'''Taxi Driver Hero''': I'd love to! :'''Wayne''': Or drive a bobcat to a laundromat? :'''Taxi Driver Hero''': If he's got the fare. ===''Kip Joins the Circus / Baby Boom''=== :'''Twinkle''': What’s that? :'''Fran''': Everyone’s already run for cover. :'''Twinkle''': Aw pickles. ''[runs for cover with the others]'' :'''Wayne''': Why did it have to rain? How can we have our circus in the rain? :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Don’t worry, Wayne. I think it’s just a little shower. Look! The rain’s lighten up already. ''[the Higgly Kids look at the rain lighting up]'' :'''Kip''': Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s get back to the Fricky Frack Funhouse circus! Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go! ''[a storm clap is heard]'' Or maybe we could wait a little longer. ''[a thunder clap hits Fricky Frack Funhouse setting it on fire]'' :'''Twinkle''': Oh no! Look! Fricky Frack Funhouse is on fire! ''[zooms to Fricky Frack Funhouse on fire]'' :'''Uncle Lemmo''': This is terrible! We can’t let Fricky Frack Funhouse burnt down! :'''Wayne''': Can somebody do something?! :'''Eubie''': We really need the help of someone special right away! ===''Twinkle's Favorite Author / Don't Fence Me In''=== :'''Pizza Guy''': ''LOOK OUT BELOW'''Bold text'''!!!!!'' :'''Kip''': Oh, no the pizza! :'''Library Man''': The library! :'''Twinkle''': And worst of all, PJ Butternut is trapped inside! {{line}}: :'''Uncle Lemmo and Gloria''': What? It’s my fence! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': If it’s your fence, what’s it doing on my property? :'''Gloria''': It’s not on your property, it’s on my property! And I’m painting my fence on my property yellow! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Purple! :'''Gloria''': Yellow! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': PURPLE! :'''Gloria''': Yellow! ===''Higgly Hoedown / Eubie's Turbo Sled''=== ===''Kip's Sweet Tooth / Wayne's Lollipop''=== :'''Kip''': Chocolate on chocolate? Way to go, Wayne. :'''Wayne''': But you haven't seen my secret ingredient. I call it, my "Choco-toast-tastic ice cream sandwich sundae." :'''Kip''': Nice going, Eubie. I hope it tastes as good as it looks. :'''Eubie''': My secret ingredient: lucky 4-leaf clover cookie for good luck. :'''Kip''': Ha! That's one nutty sundae, Fran. :'''Fran''': Oh, the nuttier the better, I always say. {{line}} :'''Dentist Hero''': So, what's the problem, Kip? ''[Kip mumbles indistinctly with his mouth wide open]'' Sorry, Kip. I can't understand what you're saying. :'''Bitty''': (He said) He tried to eat some ice cream, but every time he took a bite, it hurt. :'''Dentist Hero''': Well, I have to take a close look at your teeth, but it sounds like you might have a cavity. :'''Kip''': A ''cavity?!'' {{line}} :'''Wayne''': ''[witnessing a gigantic rainbow lollipop]'' Wow! That's a really big lollipop! :'''Candy Cart Owner''': A gargantuan giant lollipop is what I call it. :'''Wayne''': It's got so many colors. :'''Candy Cart Owner''': Every color of the rainbow, and each one's a different flavor on the tongue. Green is sublimely lime. Red is raucous raspberry. Blue is… :'''Twinkle''': Catch it! :'''Kip''': I got it! I got it! :'''Eubie''': Excuse me. :'''Wayne''': The blue is blueberry? :'''Candy Cart Owner''': Burstin' blueberry. That swirl of yellow is lipsmackin' lemon, and the purple is… :'''Wayne''': Grape-jelly grape. Those are all my favorite flavors. {{line}} :'''Kip''': Wow! That's the biggest jumbo lollipop I've ever seen! :'''Twinkle''': It's gonna take you forever to lick. :'''Eubie''': Or even longer. {{line}} :'''Fran''': My, oh, my, that's one colorful idea there, Twinkle. But the thing is, Higglytown's kinda low on Leprechauns this time of year, don't ya know? :'''Twinkle''': ''[disappointed]'' Aw…pickles. :'''Wayne''': This is terrible. If I can't find a way to get this lollipop out of my hair, it's gonna be stuck on my head forever. What am I gonna do?! ===''Kip's Dad Gets a Strike / A Really Hot Day''=== :'''Fripp''': '''STOP THAT BALL!!!''' :'''[[w:Pizza Guy (Higglytown Heroes)|Pizza Guy]]''': This looks like a job for Pizza Guy! <hr width=50%> :'''Pizza Guy''': ''[passing the Nacho Brothers: Vince, Stephen and Alex on his skateboard]'' Sorry, Nacho Brothers! Almost there! Almost there! :''[X-57 Strike King ball crash]'' :'''Fripp''': ''[sadly]'' Oh, no. My X-57 Strike King. It's broken. ===''Higgly Frog Day / Eubie's Ele-fantastic Adventure''=== :'''Kip''': I wonder where Fran is. She said she was gonna meet us here. :'''Wayne''': Yeah. Where could she be? :'''Fran''': ''[hopping towards the kids, wearing a frog hat]'' Ribbit. Ribbit. Ribbit. Don't ya know? :'''Twinkle''': Fran, why are you wearing that hat? :'''Fran''': Oh, my wiggly whiskers. You kids didn't forget, did you? :'''Wayne''': Forget what? :'''Fran''': Why, it's Higgly Frog Day! :'''Eubie''': Higgly Frog Day? :'''Twinkle''': ''[remembers]'' Oh, yeah! I remember! Lots of higgly frogs live in Higgly Swamp. But during the winter, it gets too cold for that. So every winter, the higgly frogs hop south where it's nice and warm. :'''Fran''': But after winter is over, the higgly frogs return to their homes in Higgly Swamp on this very same day every year. :'''Twinkle''': And they hop right through Higglytown on their way to the swamp. :'''Fran''': That's right. So every year, Higglytown holds a big celebration in the town square to welcome the higgly frogs as they pass through Higglytown on their way to their swampy homes. :'''Kip''': Well, let's get to the town square. Let's go, let's go, let's go! {{line}} :'''Uncle Lemmo''': The frogs are on their way! Let's start the parade, I say! {{line}} :''[As the higgly frogs hop down the street, they soon get stuck in all the confetti and streamers]'' :'''Eubie''': The higgly frogs can't hop through all the confetti and streamers. :'''Fran''': They sure can't. That's one big mess out there in the street. You betcha. :'''Wayne''': This is terrible! The higgly frogs can't hop through all this trash. We need to think of some way to get rid of it. :'''Eubie''': But how? :'''Twinkle''': ''[gets an idea]'' Oh! Oh! I know, I know, I know! First, we make a big stack of flippy floppy flapjacks. The flying fluffy frog fairies can come eat up all the flippy floppy flapjacks. The flippy floppy flapjacks will give the flying fluffy frog fairies the magical energy they need to change all the trash into little tiny bugs. :'''Wayne''': Wait a second. I don't think I like this plan. :'''Twinkle''': Why not? :'''Wayne''': I don't want all those flies flying around. :'''Twinkle''': They won't. Because higgly frogs love to eat up all the bugs they can. Then the trash will be all gone and the higgly frogs will happily hop off to Higgly Swamp with happy, full frogs tummies. :'''Fran''': That's one magical idea there, Twinkle. But there's just one problem. Flying fluffy frog fairies don't like flippy floppy flapjacks. :'''Twinkle''': ''[snaps her fingers in disappointment]'' Aw, pickles. :'''Kip''': We could clean the trash up. But there's too much. It'll take us forever to clean all this up. :'''Wayne''': What are we gonna do? We have to get all this trash cleaned up or the higgly frogs are never gonna get to Higgly Swamp. :'''Eubie''': As Higgly Frog hop-along leader, I declare that we need the help of someone special. {{line}} :'''Eubie''': Could you sweep a thousand pies if they're falling from the skies? :'''Kip''': Can you clean up the grime of a sticky monster's slime? :'''Street Sweeper Hero''': ''♪ Monster slime or falling pie / You can wave them all bye-bye / Cleaning up is what I do / On any street or avenue ♪'' {{line}} :'''Twinkle''': Thanks, Ms. Street Sweeper. :'''Kip''': We never could've cleared up the streets without you. :'''Street Sweeper Hero''': Shucks. I'm glad to help out the higgly frogs. Besides, I was just doing my job. Keeping Higglytown clean helps make it a great place to live. :'''Wayne''': It sure does. :'''Street Sweeper Hero''': But remember, everyone, cleaning up is great. But it's even better to keep things clean in the first place. So if you remember not to litter, you can be… :'''Kids''': Higglytown Heroes! ===''Wayne's Letter Factory / Live at the Birthday Lounges''=== ==''Season 2''== ===''Twinkle, Twinkle Little Fish / All the Wrong Moves''=== ===''Kip Gets Swing Fever / Wayne's Pieces of Gold''=== ===''All Warm Inside / Calling All Ducks''=== :'''Kip''': My Flylophone sounds just as good as the last time it buzzed. ''[hears bongo noises and then, Fran pops out playing her bongos]'' :'''Fran''': Oh, and my bongo drums sound mighty funky, yes sir! <hr width=50%> :'''Pizza Guy''': Can I bring my Electric Pizza-lin? :'''Kip''': Sure! The more instruments the better. :'''Pizza Guy''': Totally radical! Yeah! Whoo! <hr width=50%> :'''Wayne''': I got my Wayneatone! ''[plays it, and then Twinkle pops out with her Flamingo Cello]'' :'''Twinkle''': And I got my Flamingo Cello! ''[plays it]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Eubie''': Oh, Bouncylodeon! How I’ve missed you! ''[gets it on the wagon, Aunt Mellie and Uncle Zooter arrive]'' :'''Aunt Mellie''': Our Loop-A-Pop-A-Squeak-A-Phone… :'''Uncle Zooter''': Is gonna sound great on the lake! ===''The Totally Secret Valentine / A Valentine for Ms. Fern''=== ===''Cry Baby Pookie / Wait for Me''=== :''[The Higgly kids and Bitty enter Pookie's room to surprise her as she's woken up from her nap]'' :'''Wayne''': ''[whispering]'' I wonder what Pookie's gonna say when we tell her it's her birthday. :'''Twinkle''': ''[whispering]'' I know. She's gonna say, "Goo-goo ga-ga, kee-kee!" :'''Kids''': ''[whispering]'' Happy Birthday, Pookie. :''[Pookie suddenly starts crying]'' :'''Eubie''': Oh, no. Pookie's crying. :'''Twinkle''': What happened to the "Goo ga-ga, kee-kee?" :'''Wayne''': Oopsie. Did we do something wrong? :'''Bitty''': No. It's not your fault, kids. Babies often cry when they wake up from their naps. Sometimes they just want be held. ''[picks up Pookie from her bed for comfort]'' Watch. There, there, Pookie-poo. Mommy's here. Everything's all right. :''[Pookie cries louder]'' :'''Kip''': She's still crying, Mom. {{line}} :'''Kip''': Poor Pookie. She's supposed to be happy on her birthday, not sad. :'''Twinkle''': If only there was some way we could make her smile. {{line}} :'''Wayne''': If Pookie doesn't stop crying, she won't have a happy birthday. And if Pookie doesn't have a happy birthday-- :'''Twinkle''': She'll have a sad birthday. ===''Balloon-a-palooza / Wayne's Day Out''=== ==''The Fran In the Moon''== ===''Me and My Shadow / Out to Sea''=== :'''Kip''': Give me that flag! :'''Twinkle''': ''[giggles]'' He thinks it's a game. :'''Kip''': But it's not a game. ''[annoyed]'' Uhh! Shadow, listen to me! Stop right now! :'''Eubie''': Um, Kip, Shadow's not stopping. :'''Wayne''': He's not doing ''anything'' you say. :'''Kip''': I know. What am I gonna do? {{line}} :'''Ms. Fern''': Down, Shadow! Down! :'''Kip''': Sorry, Ms. Fern. I tried to control Shadow all morning, but I guess I just can't. :'''Wayne''': This is awful! Our tower is toppled! Our classroom is a mess! :'''Twinkle''': There's dog slobber everywhere. :'''Wayne''': What are we gonna do? ===''Don't Wayne On My Parade / Twinkle's Terrific Twirl''=== ===''Wayne's Big, Big Discovery / Dirigible Day''=== ==''The Legend of Higgsquatch''== ===''Eubie's Big Boat Float / A Slippery Situation''=== ==''Higgly Island''== ===''Corn to Be Wild / Overnight Moose''=== ===''Shear Luck / Big Night Out''=== ===''Kip's Rocket Rescue / Let's Get Moving''=== :''[The Higgly kids arrive at Kip's grandparent's house with some boxes sitting in front]'' :'''Kip''': Grandpa-pa! Grandma-ma! :'''Grandpa-pa''': Hey there, Kip. :'''Grandma-ma''': It's so good to see you. :'''Kip''': It's good to see you, too. :'''Grandma-ma''': What brings you kids here today? :'''Kip''': We came up here to get some cardboard boxes so we can make a pizza palace for our backyard Higgly Biggly City. :'''Fripp''': Aw, sorry, Kip. But Grandpa-pa and Grandma-ma need all their cardboard boxes. Today is the day they're moving. :'''Eubie, Wayne & Twinkle''': Moving?! :'''Kip''': I knew you were moving, but I didn't know you were moving today. :'''Wayne''': But we don't want you to move away. :'''Kip''': Don't worry. They're not moving far away, just to a brand new house in another part of Higglytown. :'''Eubie, Wayne & Twinkle''': A brand-new house? {{line}} :'''Fripp''': ''[takes an old baseball glove off the shelf]'' Wow. There are so many memories down here. Hard to believe you're packing up and moving out of the house I grew up in. :'''Kip''': ''[finds a baby photo album and blows off the dust]'' What's this, Dad? :'''Fripp''': Hey, it's my baby photo album. I bet there's lots of great memories in there. :'''Kip''': ''[opens the photo album and finds a photo of Baby Fripp]'' Is that you, Dad? :'''Fripp''': It sure is. :'''Grandma-ma''': Why, that's your father back when he was a brand new, tiny baby. ''[turns the page to more Baby Fripp photos]'' :'''Eubie''': You sure were a cute baby, Mr. Kip's Dad. :'''Twinkle''': Yeah! You were a cutesy wootsey wootsey woo. :''[Everyone else laughs as Fripp frowns in embarrassment]'' :'''Grandma-ma''': Your dad used to like it when I'd say, "Gootchie gootchie wah wah." :'''Fripp''': Sorry, everyone, but we have to pack this, too. ===''Calling All Cars! / Amazing Museum''=== ===''Frozen Fish Follies / Look Who's Squawking''=== ===''Eubie's Pink Dots / Two Bees or Not Two Bees''=== ===''Wayne's Day to Shine / Wayne Listens Up''=== :'''Wayne''': ''[slips]'' Whoa, whoa! :''[Wayne knocks off the ladder then, the bottom of the ladder pushes the paint buckets]'' :'''All''': ''[gasp after they got paint all over themselves]'' Our Costumes! :'''Wayne''': Heh, whoopsie! ===''A Hopping Popping Problem / Hay Hay Hay!''=== ==''Season 3''== ===''Happy Campers / All Washed Out''=== ===''Hats All Folks / Hop Hop Hooray''=== ===''Shuffleboard Buddies / All Mapped Out''=== ===''12-Pie Abe / The Day the Dinner Stood Still''=== :'''Longest Beard Mike''': Look! Aliens from another planet! I told ya! Didn’t I tell ya?! I told ya! ===''Saturday Night Higgly / Monster Sandwiches''=== :'''Eubie''': ''[to Kip as Fripp continues hopping nonstop with the CD skipping]'' Um, Kip, what's wrong with your dad? :'''Wayne''': Yeah. Why won't he stop hopping? {{line}} :'''Kip''': Are you okay, Dad? :'''Fripp''': I'm fine. But look at this CD. It's covered with scratches. And without ''Freddy Fever Disco Beaver,'' my dancing days are over. :'''Wayne''': Say it isn't so! You practiced so hard. Plus, I skipped my toast break so I'd have extra room… for the Banana Horn! What are we gonna do?! :'''Eubie''': Um, get someone special to help us? {{line}} :'''Musician Hero #1''': ''♪ We're musicians, clap your hands / We play instruments in our band / Bringing you joy is our goal / With Rock / Jazz / Disco / And Soul! ♪'' :'''Musician Hero #2''': ''♪ We practice songs every day / 'Cause we love to sing and play / Note for note and beat to beat / You'll be dancing cheek to cheek ♪'' :'''Wayne''': Could you play some cool bebop for some hep cats and their pops? :'''Twinkle''': Could you whisk away the blues for a tortoise with the flu? :'''Musician Hero #1''': ''♪ Blues for reptiles, jazz for cats / Our music is where it's at ♪'' :'''Musician Hero #2''': ''♪ Music is a happy sound / Loved the whole wide world around ♪'' ===''The Big Pink Elephant Sale / Higglies On Horseback''=== ===''Easy to Get Sneezy / Unlock the Magic''=== :'''Plunkie''': Allergic is when you have a ''bad'' reaction to something. {{line}} :'''Jessi''': My wig! ''[laughs maniacally]'' MY WIG! ===''Buki Buki Boo Boo / Signs of Spring''=== ===''Wayne's Cycle Recycle / Wayne's Wet Pet''=== ===''X Marks the Spot! / Eubie's View''=== :''[Eubie is finishing up his painting of the beautiful sunset on the easel before going to bed]'' :'''Flappy''': Beautiful! ''[squawks]'' Beautiful! ''[whistles]'' :'''Eubie''': It sure is, Flappy. This might be the best sunset yet. :''[Aunt Mellie and Uncle Zooter enter his bedroom]'' :'''Uncle Zooter''': How's the painting… :'''Aunt Mellie''': Coming along? :'''Eubie''': Almost finished. There! All done! :'''Aunt Mellie''': ''[amazed]'' Why, Eubie, darling. :'''Uncle Zooter''': It's simply beautiful. :'''Flappy''': Beautiful! Beautiful! :'''Aunt Mellie''': But now… :'''Uncle Zooter''': It's time for you to go to bed. :'''Eubie''': Aw. :'''Uncle Zooter''': Don't worry, Eubie. There will be… :'''Aunt Mellie''': Another sunset tomorrow. ===''Wing-a-ding Whirly Box / Windy Watchers''=== ===''Choo Choo Zucchini / Something Ducky Going On''=== :''[The Higgly Kids gasp in surprise at their zucchini's enormous size when they enter the backyard]'' :'''Fran''': Oh, get your peppers around that! :'''Wayne''': Our little seed grew, grew, grew! :'''Kip''': Come on! Let's put in Eubie's wagon and take it to the show! :'''Eubie''': Uh-oh! I don't think Mr. Zucchini is going to fit in my wagon. :'''Fran''': Nope. That veggie's gonna need a special delivery. {{line}} :'''Wayne''': If we don't find something strong enough, fast enough, and big enough, we're never gonna get Mr. Zucchini to corn county in time for the Fruit and Veggie Spectacular. ===''Fripp's Flip-flap Flop / Say Cheese''=== :'''Wayne and Twinkle''': Uncle Lemmo?! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Yep, I’m a Higglytown Hero. :'''All''': Wow! ===''Canyon Capers / Highcountry Hiccups''=== ==''Calling All Heroes''== :''[While setting up the party decorations in the backyard to celebrate Wayne's birthday, a flash of thunder and lightning strikes and a strong wind starts blowing away all the decorations]'' :'''Kip''': My hat! :'''Twinkle''': My tiara! :'''Wayne''': My pizza! :'''Twinkle''': Oh, no! :'''Plunkie''': Quickly, everybody! Help grab what you can and hop indoors before it starts to rain. {{line}} :'''Plunkie''': What a terrible storm! We should stay away from the window in case it rains. :''[Thunder and lightning strike from the dark grey clouds]'' :'''Twinkle''': Here comes the rain! :'''Plunkie''': I'm just glad we all managed to get indoors in time. :'''Kip''': Oh, no! Look at Pizza Guy! :''[Pizza Guy drives through the storm, steering out of control and pizza pellets fly out from the back of his van]'' :'''Eubie''': I hope Pizza Guy is okay. :'''Fran''': That was a close one. :'''Wayne''': But wait a second. I just thought of something. Didn't Pizza Guy say you're only supposed to add "one" drop of water to his pizza pellets? :'''Kip''': I think so. Why? :'''Wayne''': Because all of his pizza pellets just went flying out into the storm! What's gonna happen when those pellets get soaking wet?! {{line}} :''[After the horrible storm leaves Higglytown, Kip and Eubie reunite with their families]'' :'''Bitty''': Kip? :'''Kip''': Mom! :'''Aunt Millie''': Eubie! :'''Bitty''': Are you all right? :'''Aunt Millie''': We tried callin'. :'''Uncle Zooter''': But all the phones in town are dead. :'''Fripp''': Then we had to wait till the storm was over until we could head out. :'''Bitty''': Oh, we've been so worried! :'''Plunkie''': Don't worry. We've all been safe inside. ===''Happy Flappy Birthday / Cuckoo County Cawcaw Contest''=== ===''Little Big Fish / Good Sports''=== ===''Tis' the Season to Be Snowy / Bingo Bongos''=== :'''Fripp''': That’s one hippity-hop idea, Twinkle. But hopping cave hippos like to live in caves where it’s nice and quiet. Bringing them to a concert might hurt their ears. ===''Wayne's Toasty Invention / Spell It Safe''=== ==External Links== {{Wikipedia}} [[Category:American children's TV shows]] jm7gu86qydsg7l68jhvbb6yik63yt2f 3778640 3778639 2025-07-14T13:32:43Z 2603:6010:AF00:AAF8:9D79:930A:E716:8326 /* Twinkle's Favorite Author / Don't Fence Me In */ 3778640 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Higglytown Heroes|Higglytown Heroes]]''''' is an American computer-animated children's television series that premiered on September 12, 2004 and on January 7, 2008 in the United States. More episodes are coming soon. ==''Season 1''== ===''Up A Tree / Missing Grandpop''=== :'''Jennifer Whiskers''': She must be lost! :'''All''': LOST?! ===''Twinkle Tooth / Flower Power''=== :[''[[w:Twinkle (Higglytown Heroes)|Twinkle]] gasps''] :'''[[w:Eubie (Higglytown Heroes)|Eubie]]''': What’s wrong, Twinkle? ''[cuts to Twinkle]'' :'''Twinkle''': My tooth! It’s- it’s loose! :'''[[w:Wayne (Higglytown Heroes)|Wayne]]''': Oh No! Somebody do something! :'''Eubie''': It’s okay, Twinkle. All kids loose their baby teeth. :'''Twinkle''': They do? ===''Flappy's Not Happy / Electric Evening''=== ===''Smooth Operator / Sticky Situation''=== :'''Bitty''': ''[goes over the phone and answers it]'' Hello? :'''Eubie''': I wonder who's calling. :'''[[w:Kip (Higglytown Heroes)|Kip]]''': With a phone call, it could be ''anybody.'' :'''Wayne''': I hope it's not my mom calling because she found those brussel sprouts in the umbrella stand. :''[A 2D animated sequence in a thought cloud shows Plunkie calling Bitty, dumping brussel sprouts out of the umbrella stand]'' :'''Plunkie''': I'm sure there is a perfectly reasonable explanation, Bitty. I just don't know what it is. {{line}} :'''Bitty''': ''[hangs up; to the kids]'' That was Grandma-ma. I have to take her to visit Aunt Susie this afternoon, so I won't be able to help make macaroni hats after all. I'm very sorry, kids. I know I said I would, but I really have to go with Grandma-ma. :'''Twinkle''': And I thought we were going to have a lot of fun today. :'''Wayne''': Yeah, fun. ===''Weather or Not / Green In the Gills''=== :'''Twinkle''': That's prettier than a unicorn dressed up like a princess. Oh, I love a breezy breeze. :'''Kids''': Whoa! :'''Wayne''': Whoopsie. :''[barrel crash]'' :'''[[w:Fran (Higglytown Heroes)|Fran]]''': Oh, no! :'''Kids''': Whoa! :'''Wayne''': Stop that barrel! :''[barrel crash again]'' :'''Fran''': ''[sadly]'' My barrel's broken, and all my acorns all gone. Acorn day is runied. I need a time out. ==''Halloween Heroes''== :'''Fran''': It’s when all the ghosts and goblins and monsters come out for spooky fun. ''[cuts to the kids]'' :'''Wayne''': There aren’t really any monsters, are there, Fran? :'''Fran''': Oh, don’t worry, Wayne. There’s no such thing as… ''[cuts to Uncle Lemmo opening the door with a Jack-o’-lantern to scare the kids]'' '''MONSTERS!!!!!!!''' :''[zooms at Uncle Lemmo, cuts to the kids scream in terror, cuts back to Uncle Lemmo dropping his pumpkin after screaming in fear, cuts back to the kids]'' :'''All''': Uncle Lemmo?! ''[move to Uncle Lemmo after he was revealed, cuts to the kids moving to talk to Uncle Lemmo]'' :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Oh, kids! You nearly startled me right outta my pants. :'''Eubie''': We thought you were a pumpkin monster! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Nope, just being my Jack'o'lantern. Ugh, looks like I'm gonna have to carve a new one now. ''[scene wipes to Uncle Lemmo carving another Jack'o'Lantern]'' :'''Twinkle''': Why do we make Jack o lanterns on Halloween, anyway? :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Do you kids mean to tell me that you’ve never heard the story of the first Jack’o’Lantern? :'''Eubie''': Nuh-uh! :'''Kip''': Tell us! :'''Twinkle''': Please tell us, Uncle Lemmo! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': It all started in Higglytown a long, long time ago. :'''Black Cat''': ''[meows]'' :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Every year in Higglytown had a big Halloween Party. :'''Albert the Vampire''': ''[as Plunkie departures him]'' Ugh! <hr width=50%> :'''Jennifer Whiskers''': ''[sniffs, then pinches her nose]'' Eew… ''[walks away from Jake the archer and Albert the vampire]'' :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Now- back then, they were five friends. And just like everyone else in Higglytown, these friends couldn’t wait for Halloween! :'''Kip''': I’m a robot! :'''Twinkle''': A princess. :'''Eubie''': A walrus! :'''Fran''': A bat! :'''Wayne''': An Alien-Clown-Cowboy, imagine that! <hr width=50%> :'''Pumpkin Monster''': Of course I can, I’m a scary monster, and scary monsters are very mean! ''[shakes Fran the bat]'' :'''Fran''': Oh, well, I suppose you’re right about that! :'''Pumpkin Monster''': ''[takes Fran the bat to his Pumpkin Castle]'' Bwaaaah! <hr width=50%> :'''Pumpkin Monster''': ''[gets the pumpkin key, then runs down the stairs making monster noises]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Eubie''': I’m phoning a friend. ''[Bernice’s phone rings]'' :'''Bernice''': Hello. :'''Eubie''': Hi, Bernice. I was wondering if you could do us a really big favor. <hr width=50%> :'''Wayne''': Agh! ''[hides inside Eubie, then they walk up to the pumpkin castle]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Fran''': There's just one problem. :'''Twinkle''': What is that? :'''Fran''': The Pumpkin Monster is STANDING RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!!!!! :'''Eubie, Wayne, Twinkle, Kip and the Pumpkin Monster''': AAAH!!!!!!! :''[they hide inside themselves]'' :'''Pumpkin Monster''': So, you thought you could come and rescue Fran the bat? Hahaha. <hr width=50%> :'''Pumpkin Monster''': Where did I put that key? ''[pulls out the umbrella]'' No that's not it. ''[throws the umbrella away. Next: the Pumpkin Monster pulls out a seat]'' Oh no. That's a chair. ''[throws a seat away. Next: the Pumpkin Monster pulls out a French Horn then he plays lively jazz music with the French Horn then throws the French Horn away.]'' Nope. ''[pulls out the key, which is correct]'' Aha! :'''Eubie''': We’e on our way, Fran! :'''Kip''': I’ve got the key, Fran! <hr width=50%> :'''Pumpkin Monster''': Friends sound terrific! Ah. If only I had some. :'''Eubie''': You silly monster! We’ll be your friend. :'''Pumpkin Monster''': Hot Diggity! ===''Smells Like a Mystery / Ship Ahoy!''=== Down, Boy. Down! Hal, Stucky. Hal! No, Huggy. No! {{line}} :'''Fripp''': My hot dog cart is gone! :'''Kip''': It was here just a minute ago. :'''Wayne''': Where could it be? {{line}} :'''Eubie''': ''[after Fripp sings his Hot Dog Cart Blues song; sniffs sadly]'' That's the saddest song I've ever heard. {{line}} :'''Eubie''': Hey, that's not a hot dog cart! :'''Wayne''': Yeah, that's a seal. {{line}} :'''Kip''': Wow, are you a Higglytown Hero? :'''Policewoman''': Sure. But you know else is a Higglytown Hero? Our police dog, Jiffy. ===''All Tire'd Out / Great Un-expectations''=== :'''Wayne''': When in doubt, pack everything. When it comes to the beach, you can never be too prepared. {{line}} :''[As the kids and Plunkie head on their way to the beach, the car gets a flat tire and comes to a stop in the middle of the road, and the kids cover their eyes]'' :'''Fran''': Oh my goodness gracious! :'''Eubie''': Is it thunder? Is it a monster? :'''Wayne''': Don't answer. I don't want to know! :'''Plunkie''': Oh, it's nothing to be afraid of. :'''Fran''': It's just a flat tire. :'''Plunkie''': ''[hops out of the car and inspects the tire]'' Oh! :'''Twinkle''': Mom, does this mean we're not going to the beach? ===''Soup With Stars / The Happy Friendly Sparkly Toast Club''=== ===''First Snow / Snow Dazed''=== :'''Kip''': I can't wear pink, with ribbons. :'''Twinkle''': Well, ''I'' want to wear pink, not green. :'''Wayne''': This jacket is itchy. :'''Eubie''': ''[shivering and freezing]'' Um… I'm kind of cold. :'''Fran''': Nice try, Higgly kids. But I don't think this is gonna work now. :'''Wayne''': Oh. How will we ever get bigger clothes? ===''Catch Up With Ketchup / Star Struck''=== :'''Twinkle''': Ooh. It's raining marshmallows! :''[Two marshmallows land on Wayne's glasses]'' :'''Kip''': Wayne, you got marshmallow on your glasses. :'''Wayne''': Uh, I can't see. Everything looks like it's covered in marshmallows. :'''Eubie''': ''[takes Wayne's glasses off his eyes]'' Maybe I can wipe your glasses off with my shirt. :'''Kip''': No. We can take them inside and wash them off. :'''Wayne''': Wait! I only clean them with my special cleaning cloth. ''[runs into Eubie and Kip, and accidentally breaks his glasses]'' :'''Eubie and Kip''': Uh-oh! :'''Wayne''': What happened? :'''Twinkle''': Oh, no! Wayne! Your glasses are broken! :'''Wayne''': Broken?! I can't wear my glasses if they're broken! And if I can't wear my glasses, I can't see clearly! ''[in his POV, his vision is all blurry]'' It looks… blurry. Like I'm opening my eyes underwater. If everything is blurry, then I'm not gonna be able to see the shooting stars! What am I gonna do? {{line}} :'''Fran''': Oh, that's a mighty fine idea, Twinkle. Yes, sir, but I'm afraid that lenses made of ice would just melt. :'''Twinkle''': Aw, pickles. ''[snaps fingers in disappointment]'' ==''Twinkle's Wish''== ===''Twinkle's Masterpiece / The Egg-cellent Adventure''=== :'''Wayne''': ''[curiously]'' Gee, Mom. Don't we even get a hint where we're going? :'''Plunkie''': No. I told you-- it's a surprise. You'll see when we get there. :'''Fran''': Can anyone guess where we're going? :'''Twinkle''': Oh, I hope we're going to the pink puppy poodle palace so we can see all the pink poodles. :'''Plunkie''': You don't have to guess anymore, kids. We're here! ''[they arrive at an artist's house]'' This is where my friend Nikki lives. She's an artist, and she's gonna give you art lessons. :'''Twinkle''': Art lessons? :'''Kids''': Cool! :''[A moment later, they stand in front of the front door as Nikki, a blind artist, answers]'' :'''Nikki''': Wow. You're right on time! Hey there, future artists. I'm Nikki. :'''Kids''': Hi, Nikki. {{line}} :'''Phil''': Ooh, looks like I'll be juggling melons again. {{line}} :'''Eubie''': Grandpop Crank? ''You're'' a Higglytown Hero? ===''Wayne's Ripping Adventure / Meet Eubie's Cousin''=== :'''Kip''': Wow, Twinkle. You're going to be great at your recital. :'''Eubie''': So a recital is when you perform in front of a lot of people? :'''Fran''': That's right, Eubie. :'''Twinkle''': I wish you could all come, but this recital is only for family members, like my mom and Wayne. :'''Wayne''': Yeah. I can't wait to go. {{line}} :'''Plunkie''': ''[reminding Wayne]'' Remember that tonight is a special night for Twinkle. I want you to look your best. So once you put on your good clothes, be careful to keep them nice and clean. :'''Wayne''': Don't worry, Mom. I will. {{line}} :'''Wayne''': ''[horrified when he accidentally rips his pants]'' Oh, no! I've ripped my good pants! ''[sadly]'' Mom said I have to look nice in my good clothes if I want to go to Twinkle's recital. What am I gonna do? ''[starts singing his Ripped Pants Blues song] ♪ When I woke up this morning, the sun was in the sky :''When I looked in the mirror,'' :''I sure was lookin' fine!'' :''It was the day of the recital: my sister's ballet debut'' :''I'll never see her dance now 'cause of the ripped pants, can't go blues'' :''My mom said, "Be careful." She said, "Stay nice and clean."'' :''When she sees what I've done here, she's gonna turn a sickly green!'' :''My best pants are in tatters, and my shirt is dirty too!'' :''I'm gonna miss the ballet 'cause of the ripped pants, can't go blues'' :''I tried to be careful, I just made one mistake'' :''The rest of the family's going, but I'm gonna miss Swan Lake'' :''Now my whole life is ruined, and my heart is broken too'' :''I'm gonna miss the ballet 'cause of the ripped pants… can't go blues'' :''Yeah… ♪'' :'''Eubie''': ''[remorsefully after the song ends]'' That's the saddest song I've ever heard. {{line}} :'''Wayne''': Please don't be mad, Twinkle. I really wanted to look nice for your recital. It was an accident. ===''Say What? / Higgly Harmonies''=== :'''Twinkle''': ''[plays her Flamingo Cello]'' How was that, mom? ===''Patty Cake / Having a Ball''=== :'''Wayne''': Yeah, If they don't get more bread, well never to make our sandwiches. and If they don't get make sandwiches, well never to go on our picnic! ===''Wayne's Good Guess / Wayne's 100 Special Somethings''=== ===''Fran Takes a Hike / Mystery at Kip's House''=== :'''Wayne''': What are we gonna do?! ''[a thumping noise is heard again, everyone screams in terror]'' :'''Eubie''': If only there was someone special to help us! :'''Wayne''': ''[pops up then sings]'' Someone special, who could it be? :'''Twinkle''': ''[singing]'' This job’s too big for you and me! :'''Fran''': We need some help! :'''Kip''': But never fear-o! ===''Bright Sights, Big City / Kip's Shadow''=== :''[The Higgly kids, Aunt Mellie and Uncle Zooter, and Jax are riding an express train heading to Higgly Biggly City]'' :'''Fran''': Goodness gumballs! You kids sure are excited about this trip to Higgly Biggly City. :'''Twinkle''': Of course! Higgly Biggly City is the only place you can see ''Happy, Hairy, Higgly Monsters Live!'' :'''Eubie''': Thanks for taking us, Aunt Mellie and Uncle Zooter. :'''Aunt Mellie''': Of course, Eubie. :'''Uncle Zooter''': It's our pleasure. :'''Jax''': It sure was great to visit you guys in Higglytown, but now I can't wait for you all to see ''my'' home city. :'''Kip''': And I can't wait to see ''Happy, Hairy, Higgly Monsters Live.'' :'''Wayne''': Me, too. It's supposed to be the best show on Higglyway, and it has ''all'' the Happy, Hairy, Higgly Monsters! {{line}} :''[The gang arrives at the theater on Higglyway for the show, only to find that it isn't open yet]'' :'''Uncle Zooter''': Gee, it looks like… :'''Aunt Mellie''': The theater isn't open yet. :'''Kids''': ''[disappointed]'' Aw! :'''Aunt Mellie''': ''[checks the time on her watch]'' The show doesn't start… :'''Uncle Zooter''': ''[checks the time on his watch]'' For another few hours. :'''Jax''': I've got an idea. Since we have plenty of time, why don't we go see the Higgly Biggly City sights? :'''Aunt Mellie''': Why, Jax, I declare I think that's… a super-dupity idea. {{line}} :'''Twinkle''': Can you take a bride and groom to a fancy ballroom? :'''Taxi Driver Hero''': I'd love to! :'''Wayne''': Or drive a bobcat to a laundromat? :'''Taxi Driver Hero''': If he's got the fare. ===''Kip Joins the Circus / Baby Boom''=== :'''Twinkle''': What’s that? :'''Fran''': Everyone’s already run for cover. :'''Twinkle''': Aw pickles. ''[runs for cover with the others]'' :'''Wayne''': Why did it have to rain? How can we have our circus in the rain? :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Don’t worry, Wayne. I think it’s just a little shower. Look! The rain’s lighten up already. ''[the Higgly Kids look at the rain lighting up]'' :'''Kip''': Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s get back to the Fricky Frack Funhouse circus! Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go! ''[a storm clap is heard]'' Or maybe we could wait a little longer. ''[a thunder clap hits Fricky Frack Funhouse setting it on fire]'' :'''Twinkle''': Oh no! Look! Fricky Frack Funhouse is on fire! ''[zooms to Fricky Frack Funhouse on fire]'' :'''Uncle Lemmo''': This is terrible! We can’t let Fricky Frack Funhouse burnt down! :'''Wayne''': Can somebody do something?! :'''Eubie''': We really need the help of someone special right away! ===''Twinkle's Favorite Author / Don't Fence Me In''=== :'''Pizza Guy''': ''''LOOK OUT BELOW'''!!!!!'' :'''Kip''': Oh, no the pizza! :'''Library Man''': The library! :'''Twinkle''': And worst of all, PJ Butternut is trapped inside! {{line}}: :'''Uncle Lemmo and Gloria''': What? It’s my fence! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': If it’s your fence, what’s it doing on my property? :'''Gloria''': It’s not on your property, it’s on my property! And I’m painting my fence on my property yellow! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Purple! :'''Gloria''': Yellow! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': PURPLE! :'''Gloria''': Yellow! ===''Higgly Hoedown / Eubie's Turbo Sled''=== ===''Kip's Sweet Tooth / Wayne's Lollipop''=== :'''Kip''': Chocolate on chocolate? Way to go, Wayne. :'''Wayne''': But you haven't seen my secret ingredient. I call it, my "Choco-toast-tastic ice cream sandwich sundae." :'''Kip''': Nice going, Eubie. I hope it tastes as good as it looks. :'''Eubie''': My secret ingredient: lucky 4-leaf clover cookie for good luck. :'''Kip''': Ha! That's one nutty sundae, Fran. :'''Fran''': Oh, the nuttier the better, I always say. {{line}} :'''Dentist Hero''': So, what's the problem, Kip? ''[Kip mumbles indistinctly with his mouth wide open]'' Sorry, Kip. I can't understand what you're saying. :'''Bitty''': (He said) He tried to eat some ice cream, but every time he took a bite, it hurt. :'''Dentist Hero''': Well, I have to take a close look at your teeth, but it sounds like you might have a cavity. :'''Kip''': A ''cavity?!'' {{line}} :'''Wayne''': ''[witnessing a gigantic rainbow lollipop]'' Wow! That's a really big lollipop! :'''Candy Cart Owner''': A gargantuan giant lollipop is what I call it. :'''Wayne''': It's got so many colors. :'''Candy Cart Owner''': Every color of the rainbow, and each one's a different flavor on the tongue. Green is sublimely lime. Red is raucous raspberry. Blue is… :'''Twinkle''': Catch it! :'''Kip''': I got it! I got it! :'''Eubie''': Excuse me. :'''Wayne''': The blue is blueberry? :'''Candy Cart Owner''': Burstin' blueberry. That swirl of yellow is lipsmackin' lemon, and the purple is… :'''Wayne''': Grape-jelly grape. Those are all my favorite flavors. {{line}} :'''Kip''': Wow! That's the biggest jumbo lollipop I've ever seen! :'''Twinkle''': It's gonna take you forever to lick. :'''Eubie''': Or even longer. {{line}} :'''Fran''': My, oh, my, that's one colorful idea there, Twinkle. But the thing is, Higglytown's kinda low on Leprechauns this time of year, don't ya know? :'''Twinkle''': ''[disappointed]'' Aw…pickles. :'''Wayne''': This is terrible. If I can't find a way to get this lollipop out of my hair, it's gonna be stuck on my head forever. What am I gonna do?! ===''Kip's Dad Gets a Strike / A Really Hot Day''=== :'''Fripp''': '''STOP THAT BALL!!!''' :'''[[w:Pizza Guy (Higglytown Heroes)|Pizza Guy]]''': This looks like a job for Pizza Guy! <hr width=50%> :'''Pizza Guy''': ''[passing the Nacho Brothers: Vince, Stephen and Alex on his skateboard]'' Sorry, Nacho Brothers! Almost there! Almost there! :''[X-57 Strike King ball crash]'' :'''Fripp''': ''[sadly]'' Oh, no. My X-57 Strike King. It's broken. ===''Higgly Frog Day / Eubie's Ele-fantastic Adventure''=== :'''Kip''': I wonder where Fran is. She said she was gonna meet us here. :'''Wayne''': Yeah. Where could she be? :'''Fran''': ''[hopping towards the kids, wearing a frog hat]'' Ribbit. Ribbit. Ribbit. Don't ya know? :'''Twinkle''': Fran, why are you wearing that hat? :'''Fran''': Oh, my wiggly whiskers. You kids didn't forget, did you? :'''Wayne''': Forget what? :'''Fran''': Why, it's Higgly Frog Day! :'''Eubie''': Higgly Frog Day? :'''Twinkle''': ''[remembers]'' Oh, yeah! I remember! Lots of higgly frogs live in Higgly Swamp. But during the winter, it gets too cold for that. So every winter, the higgly frogs hop south where it's nice and warm. :'''Fran''': But after winter is over, the higgly frogs return to their homes in Higgly Swamp on this very same day every year. :'''Twinkle''': And they hop right through Higglytown on their way to the swamp. :'''Fran''': That's right. So every year, Higglytown holds a big celebration in the town square to welcome the higgly frogs as they pass through Higglytown on their way to their swampy homes. :'''Kip''': Well, let's get to the town square. Let's go, let's go, let's go! {{line}} :'''Uncle Lemmo''': The frogs are on their way! Let's start the parade, I say! {{line}} :''[As the higgly frogs hop down the street, they soon get stuck in all the confetti and streamers]'' :'''Eubie''': The higgly frogs can't hop through all the confetti and streamers. :'''Fran''': They sure can't. That's one big mess out there in the street. You betcha. :'''Wayne''': This is terrible! The higgly frogs can't hop through all this trash. We need to think of some way to get rid of it. :'''Eubie''': But how? :'''Twinkle''': ''[gets an idea]'' Oh! Oh! I know, I know, I know! First, we make a big stack of flippy floppy flapjacks. The flying fluffy frog fairies can come eat up all the flippy floppy flapjacks. The flippy floppy flapjacks will give the flying fluffy frog fairies the magical energy they need to change all the trash into little tiny bugs. :'''Wayne''': Wait a second. I don't think I like this plan. :'''Twinkle''': Why not? :'''Wayne''': I don't want all those flies flying around. :'''Twinkle''': They won't. Because higgly frogs love to eat up all the bugs they can. Then the trash will be all gone and the higgly frogs will happily hop off to Higgly Swamp with happy, full frogs tummies. :'''Fran''': That's one magical idea there, Twinkle. But there's just one problem. Flying fluffy frog fairies don't like flippy floppy flapjacks. :'''Twinkle''': ''[snaps her fingers in disappointment]'' Aw, pickles. :'''Kip''': We could clean the trash up. But there's too much. It'll take us forever to clean all this up. :'''Wayne''': What are we gonna do? We have to get all this trash cleaned up or the higgly frogs are never gonna get to Higgly Swamp. :'''Eubie''': As Higgly Frog hop-along leader, I declare that we need the help of someone special. {{line}} :'''Eubie''': Could you sweep a thousand pies if they're falling from the skies? :'''Kip''': Can you clean up the grime of a sticky monster's slime? :'''Street Sweeper Hero''': ''♪ Monster slime or falling pie / You can wave them all bye-bye / Cleaning up is what I do / On any street or avenue ♪'' {{line}} :'''Twinkle''': Thanks, Ms. Street Sweeper. :'''Kip''': We never could've cleared up the streets without you. :'''Street Sweeper Hero''': Shucks. I'm glad to help out the higgly frogs. Besides, I was just doing my job. Keeping Higglytown clean helps make it a great place to live. :'''Wayne''': It sure does. :'''Street Sweeper Hero''': But remember, everyone, cleaning up is great. But it's even better to keep things clean in the first place. So if you remember not to litter, you can be… :'''Kids''': Higglytown Heroes! ===''Wayne's Letter Factory / Live at the Birthday Lounges''=== ==''Season 2''== ===''Twinkle, Twinkle Little Fish / All the Wrong Moves''=== ===''Kip Gets Swing Fever / Wayne's Pieces of Gold''=== ===''All Warm Inside / Calling All Ducks''=== :'''Kip''': My Flylophone sounds just as good as the last time it buzzed. ''[hears bongo noises and then, Fran pops out playing her bongos]'' :'''Fran''': Oh, and my bongo drums sound mighty funky, yes sir! <hr width=50%> :'''Pizza Guy''': Can I bring my Electric Pizza-lin? :'''Kip''': Sure! The more instruments the better. :'''Pizza Guy''': Totally radical! Yeah! Whoo! <hr width=50%> :'''Wayne''': I got my Wayneatone! ''[plays it, and then Twinkle pops out with her Flamingo Cello]'' :'''Twinkle''': And I got my Flamingo Cello! ''[plays it]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Eubie''': Oh, Bouncylodeon! How I’ve missed you! ''[gets it on the wagon, Aunt Mellie and Uncle Zooter arrive]'' :'''Aunt Mellie''': Our Loop-A-Pop-A-Squeak-A-Phone… :'''Uncle Zooter''': Is gonna sound great on the lake! ===''The Totally Secret Valentine / A Valentine for Ms. Fern''=== ===''Cry Baby Pookie / Wait for Me''=== :''[The Higgly kids and Bitty enter Pookie's room to surprise her as she's woken up from her nap]'' :'''Wayne''': ''[whispering]'' I wonder what Pookie's gonna say when we tell her it's her birthday. :'''Twinkle''': ''[whispering]'' I know. She's gonna say, "Goo-goo ga-ga, kee-kee!" :'''Kids''': ''[whispering]'' Happy Birthday, Pookie. :''[Pookie suddenly starts crying]'' :'''Eubie''': Oh, no. Pookie's crying. :'''Twinkle''': What happened to the "Goo ga-ga, kee-kee?" :'''Wayne''': Oopsie. Did we do something wrong? :'''Bitty''': No. It's not your fault, kids. Babies often cry when they wake up from their naps. Sometimes they just want be held. ''[picks up Pookie from her bed for comfort]'' Watch. There, there, Pookie-poo. Mommy's here. Everything's all right. :''[Pookie cries louder]'' :'''Kip''': She's still crying, Mom. {{line}} :'''Kip''': Poor Pookie. She's supposed to be happy on her birthday, not sad. :'''Twinkle''': If only there was some way we could make her smile. {{line}} :'''Wayne''': If Pookie doesn't stop crying, she won't have a happy birthday. And if Pookie doesn't have a happy birthday-- :'''Twinkle''': She'll have a sad birthday. ===''Balloon-a-palooza / Wayne's Day Out''=== ==''The Fran In the Moon''== ===''Me and My Shadow / Out to Sea''=== :'''Kip''': Give me that flag! :'''Twinkle''': ''[giggles]'' He thinks it's a game. :'''Kip''': But it's not a game. ''[annoyed]'' Uhh! Shadow, listen to me! Stop right now! :'''Eubie''': Um, Kip, Shadow's not stopping. :'''Wayne''': He's not doing ''anything'' you say. :'''Kip''': I know. What am I gonna do? {{line}} :'''Ms. Fern''': Down, Shadow! Down! :'''Kip''': Sorry, Ms. Fern. I tried to control Shadow all morning, but I guess I just can't. :'''Wayne''': This is awful! Our tower is toppled! Our classroom is a mess! :'''Twinkle''': There's dog slobber everywhere. :'''Wayne''': What are we gonna do? ===''Don't Wayne On My Parade / Twinkle's Terrific Twirl''=== ===''Wayne's Big, Big Discovery / Dirigible Day''=== ==''The Legend of Higgsquatch''== ===''Eubie's Big Boat Float / A Slippery Situation''=== ==''Higgly Island''== ===''Corn to Be Wild / Overnight Moose''=== ===''Shear Luck / Big Night Out''=== ===''Kip's Rocket Rescue / Let's Get Moving''=== :''[The Higgly kids arrive at Kip's grandparent's house with some boxes sitting in front]'' :'''Kip''': Grandpa-pa! Grandma-ma! :'''Grandpa-pa''': Hey there, Kip. :'''Grandma-ma''': It's so good to see you. :'''Kip''': It's good to see you, too. :'''Grandma-ma''': What brings you kids here today? :'''Kip''': We came up here to get some cardboard boxes so we can make a pizza palace for our backyard Higgly Biggly City. :'''Fripp''': Aw, sorry, Kip. But Grandpa-pa and Grandma-ma need all their cardboard boxes. Today is the day they're moving. :'''Eubie, Wayne & Twinkle''': Moving?! :'''Kip''': I knew you were moving, but I didn't know you were moving today. :'''Wayne''': But we don't want you to move away. :'''Kip''': Don't worry. They're not moving far away, just to a brand new house in another part of Higglytown. :'''Eubie, Wayne & Twinkle''': A brand-new house? {{line}} :'''Fripp''': ''[takes an old baseball glove off the shelf]'' Wow. There are so many memories down here. Hard to believe you're packing up and moving out of the house I grew up in. :'''Kip''': ''[finds a baby photo album and blows off the dust]'' What's this, Dad? :'''Fripp''': Hey, it's my baby photo album. I bet there's lots of great memories in there. :'''Kip''': ''[opens the photo album and finds a photo of Baby Fripp]'' Is that you, Dad? :'''Fripp''': It sure is. :'''Grandma-ma''': Why, that's your father back when he was a brand new, tiny baby. ''[turns the page to more Baby Fripp photos]'' :'''Eubie''': You sure were a cute baby, Mr. Kip's Dad. :'''Twinkle''': Yeah! You were a cutesy wootsey wootsey woo. :''[Everyone else laughs as Fripp frowns in embarrassment]'' :'''Grandma-ma''': Your dad used to like it when I'd say, "Gootchie gootchie wah wah." :'''Fripp''': Sorry, everyone, but we have to pack this, too. ===''Calling All Cars! / Amazing Museum''=== ===''Frozen Fish Follies / Look Who's Squawking''=== ===''Eubie's Pink Dots / Two Bees or Not Two Bees''=== ===''Wayne's Day to Shine / Wayne Listens Up''=== :'''Wayne''': ''[slips]'' Whoa, whoa! :''[Wayne knocks off the ladder then, the bottom of the ladder pushes the paint buckets]'' :'''All''': ''[gasp after they got paint all over themselves]'' Our Costumes! :'''Wayne''': Heh, whoopsie! ===''A Hopping Popping Problem / Hay Hay Hay!''=== ==''Season 3''== ===''Happy Campers / All Washed Out''=== ===''Hats All Folks / Hop Hop Hooray''=== ===''Shuffleboard Buddies / All Mapped Out''=== ===''12-Pie Abe / The Day the Dinner Stood Still''=== :'''Longest Beard Mike''': Look! Aliens from another planet! I told ya! Didn’t I tell ya?! I told ya! ===''Saturday Night Higgly / Monster Sandwiches''=== :'''Eubie''': ''[to Kip as Fripp continues hopping nonstop with the CD skipping]'' Um, Kip, what's wrong with your dad? :'''Wayne''': Yeah. Why won't he stop hopping? {{line}} :'''Kip''': Are you okay, Dad? :'''Fripp''': I'm fine. But look at this CD. It's covered with scratches. And without ''Freddy Fever Disco Beaver,'' my dancing days are over. :'''Wayne''': Say it isn't so! You practiced so hard. Plus, I skipped my toast break so I'd have extra room… for the Banana Horn! What are we gonna do?! :'''Eubie''': Um, get someone special to help us? {{line}} :'''Musician Hero #1''': ''♪ We're musicians, clap your hands / We play instruments in our band / Bringing you joy is our goal / With Rock / Jazz / Disco / And Soul! ♪'' :'''Musician Hero #2''': ''♪ We practice songs every day / 'Cause we love to sing and play / Note for note and beat to beat / You'll be dancing cheek to cheek ♪'' :'''Wayne''': Could you play some cool bebop for some hep cats and their pops? :'''Twinkle''': Could you whisk away the blues for a tortoise with the flu? :'''Musician Hero #1''': ''♪ Blues for reptiles, jazz for cats / Our music is where it's at ♪'' :'''Musician Hero #2''': ''♪ Music is a happy sound / Loved the whole wide world around ♪'' ===''The Big Pink Elephant Sale / Higglies On Horseback''=== ===''Easy to Get Sneezy / Unlock the Magic''=== :'''Plunkie''': Allergic is when you have a ''bad'' reaction to something. {{line}} :'''Jessi''': My wig! ''[laughs maniacally]'' MY WIG! ===''Buki Buki Boo Boo / Signs of Spring''=== ===''Wayne's Cycle Recycle / Wayne's Wet Pet''=== ===''X Marks the Spot! / Eubie's View''=== :''[Eubie is finishing up his painting of the beautiful sunset on the easel before going to bed]'' :'''Flappy''': Beautiful! ''[squawks]'' Beautiful! ''[whistles]'' :'''Eubie''': It sure is, Flappy. This might be the best sunset yet. :''[Aunt Mellie and Uncle Zooter enter his bedroom]'' :'''Uncle Zooter''': How's the painting… :'''Aunt Mellie''': Coming along? :'''Eubie''': Almost finished. There! All done! :'''Aunt Mellie''': ''[amazed]'' Why, Eubie, darling. :'''Uncle Zooter''': It's simply beautiful. :'''Flappy''': Beautiful! Beautiful! :'''Aunt Mellie''': But now… :'''Uncle Zooter''': It's time for you to go to bed. :'''Eubie''': Aw. :'''Uncle Zooter''': Don't worry, Eubie. There will be… :'''Aunt Mellie''': Another sunset tomorrow. ===''Wing-a-ding Whirly Box / Windy Watchers''=== ===''Choo Choo Zucchini / Something Ducky Going On''=== :''[The Higgly Kids gasp in surprise at their zucchini's enormous size when they enter the backyard]'' :'''Fran''': Oh, get your peppers around that! :'''Wayne''': Our little seed grew, grew, grew! :'''Kip''': Come on! Let's put in Eubie's wagon and take it to the show! :'''Eubie''': Uh-oh! I don't think Mr. Zucchini is going to fit in my wagon. :'''Fran''': Nope. That veggie's gonna need a special delivery. {{line}} :'''Wayne''': If we don't find something strong enough, fast enough, and big enough, we're never gonna get Mr. Zucchini to corn county in time for the Fruit and Veggie Spectacular. ===''Fripp's Flip-flap Flop / Say Cheese''=== :'''Wayne and Twinkle''': Uncle Lemmo?! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Yep, I’m a Higglytown Hero. :'''All''': Wow! ===''Canyon Capers / Highcountry Hiccups''=== ==''Calling All Heroes''== :''[While setting up the party decorations in the backyard to celebrate Wayne's birthday, a flash of thunder and lightning strikes and a strong wind starts blowing away all the decorations]'' :'''Kip''': My hat! :'''Twinkle''': My tiara! :'''Wayne''': My pizza! :'''Twinkle''': Oh, no! :'''Plunkie''': Quickly, everybody! Help grab what you can and hop indoors before it starts to rain. {{line}} :'''Plunkie''': What a terrible storm! We should stay away from the window in case it rains. :''[Thunder and lightning strike from the dark grey clouds]'' :'''Twinkle''': Here comes the rain! :'''Plunkie''': I'm just glad we all managed to get indoors in time. :'''Kip''': Oh, no! Look at Pizza Guy! :''[Pizza Guy drives through the storm, steering out of control and pizza pellets fly out from the back of his van]'' :'''Eubie''': I hope Pizza Guy is okay. :'''Fran''': That was a close one. :'''Wayne''': But wait a second. I just thought of something. Didn't Pizza Guy say you're only supposed to add "one" drop of water to his pizza pellets? :'''Kip''': I think so. Why? :'''Wayne''': Because all of his pizza pellets just went flying out into the storm! What's gonna happen when those pellets get soaking wet?! {{line}} :''[After the horrible storm leaves Higglytown, Kip and Eubie reunite with their families]'' :'''Bitty''': Kip? :'''Kip''': Mom! :'''Aunt Millie''': Eubie! :'''Bitty''': Are you all right? :'''Aunt Millie''': We tried callin'. :'''Uncle Zooter''': But all the phones in town are dead. :'''Fripp''': Then we had to wait till the storm was over until we could head out. :'''Bitty''': Oh, we've been so worried! :'''Plunkie''': Don't worry. We've all been safe inside. ===''Happy Flappy Birthday / Cuckoo County Cawcaw Contest''=== ===''Little Big Fish / Good Sports''=== ===''Tis' the Season to Be Snowy / Bingo Bongos''=== :'''Fripp''': That’s one hippity-hop idea, Twinkle. But hopping cave hippos like to live in caves where it’s nice and quiet. Bringing them to a concert might hurt their ears. ===''Wayne's Toasty Invention / Spell It Safe''=== ==External Links== {{Wikipedia}} [[Category:American children's TV shows]] 967w43ssbs6r9ckx40i6beac8m0kysf 3778641 3778640 2025-07-14T13:33:21Z 2603:6010:AF00:AAF8:9D79:930A:E716:8326 /* Twinkle's Favorite Author / Don't Fence Me In */ 3778641 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Higglytown Heroes|Higglytown Heroes]]''''' is an American computer-animated children's television series that premiered on September 12, 2004 and on January 7, 2008 in the United States. More episodes are coming soon. ==''Season 1''== ===''Up A Tree / Missing Grandpop''=== :'''Jennifer Whiskers''': She must be lost! :'''All''': LOST?! ===''Twinkle Tooth / Flower Power''=== :[''[[w:Twinkle (Higglytown Heroes)|Twinkle]] gasps''] :'''[[w:Eubie (Higglytown Heroes)|Eubie]]''': What’s wrong, Twinkle? ''[cuts to Twinkle]'' :'''Twinkle''': My tooth! It’s- it’s loose! :'''[[w:Wayne (Higglytown Heroes)|Wayne]]''': Oh No! Somebody do something! :'''Eubie''': It’s okay, Twinkle. All kids loose their baby teeth. :'''Twinkle''': They do? ===''Flappy's Not Happy / Electric Evening''=== ===''Smooth Operator / Sticky Situation''=== :'''Bitty''': ''[goes over the phone and answers it]'' Hello? :'''Eubie''': I wonder who's calling. :'''[[w:Kip (Higglytown Heroes)|Kip]]''': With a phone call, it could be ''anybody.'' :'''Wayne''': I hope it's not my mom calling because she found those brussel sprouts in the umbrella stand. :''[A 2D animated sequence in a thought cloud shows Plunkie calling Bitty, dumping brussel sprouts out of the umbrella stand]'' :'''Plunkie''': I'm sure there is a perfectly reasonable explanation, Bitty. I just don't know what it is. {{line}} :'''Bitty''': ''[hangs up; to the kids]'' That was Grandma-ma. I have to take her to visit Aunt Susie this afternoon, so I won't be able to help make macaroni hats after all. I'm very sorry, kids. I know I said I would, but I really have to go with Grandma-ma. :'''Twinkle''': And I thought we were going to have a lot of fun today. :'''Wayne''': Yeah, fun. ===''Weather or Not / Green In the Gills''=== :'''Twinkle''': That's prettier than a unicorn dressed up like a princess. Oh, I love a breezy breeze. :'''Kids''': Whoa! :'''Wayne''': Whoopsie. :''[barrel crash]'' :'''[[w:Fran (Higglytown Heroes)|Fran]]''': Oh, no! :'''Kids''': Whoa! :'''Wayne''': Stop that barrel! :''[barrel crash again]'' :'''Fran''': ''[sadly]'' My barrel's broken, and all my acorns all gone. Acorn day is runied. I need a time out. ==''Halloween Heroes''== :'''Fran''': It’s when all the ghosts and goblins and monsters come out for spooky fun. ''[cuts to the kids]'' :'''Wayne''': There aren’t really any monsters, are there, Fran? :'''Fran''': Oh, don’t worry, Wayne. There’s no such thing as… ''[cuts to Uncle Lemmo opening the door with a Jack-o’-lantern to scare the kids]'' '''MONSTERS!!!!!!!''' :''[zooms at Uncle Lemmo, cuts to the kids scream in terror, cuts back to Uncle Lemmo dropping his pumpkin after screaming in fear, cuts back to the kids]'' :'''All''': Uncle Lemmo?! ''[move to Uncle Lemmo after he was revealed, cuts to the kids moving to talk to Uncle Lemmo]'' :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Oh, kids! You nearly startled me right outta my pants. :'''Eubie''': We thought you were a pumpkin monster! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Nope, just being my Jack'o'lantern. Ugh, looks like I'm gonna have to carve a new one now. ''[scene wipes to Uncle Lemmo carving another Jack'o'Lantern]'' :'''Twinkle''': Why do we make Jack o lanterns on Halloween, anyway? :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Do you kids mean to tell me that you’ve never heard the story of the first Jack’o’Lantern? :'''Eubie''': Nuh-uh! :'''Kip''': Tell us! :'''Twinkle''': Please tell us, Uncle Lemmo! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': It all started in Higglytown a long, long time ago. :'''Black Cat''': ''[meows]'' :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Every year in Higglytown had a big Halloween Party. :'''Albert the Vampire''': ''[as Plunkie departures him]'' Ugh! <hr width=50%> :'''Jennifer Whiskers''': ''[sniffs, then pinches her nose]'' Eew… ''[walks away from Jake the archer and Albert the vampire]'' :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Now- back then, they were five friends. And just like everyone else in Higglytown, these friends couldn’t wait for Halloween! :'''Kip''': I’m a robot! :'''Twinkle''': A princess. :'''Eubie''': A walrus! :'''Fran''': A bat! :'''Wayne''': An Alien-Clown-Cowboy, imagine that! <hr width=50%> :'''Pumpkin Monster''': Of course I can, I’m a scary monster, and scary monsters are very mean! ''[shakes Fran the bat]'' :'''Fran''': Oh, well, I suppose you’re right about that! :'''Pumpkin Monster''': ''[takes Fran the bat to his Pumpkin Castle]'' Bwaaaah! <hr width=50%> :'''Pumpkin Monster''': ''[gets the pumpkin key, then runs down the stairs making monster noises]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Eubie''': I’m phoning a friend. ''[Bernice’s phone rings]'' :'''Bernice''': Hello. :'''Eubie''': Hi, Bernice. I was wondering if you could do us a really big favor. <hr width=50%> :'''Wayne''': Agh! ''[hides inside Eubie, then they walk up to the pumpkin castle]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Fran''': There's just one problem. :'''Twinkle''': What is that? :'''Fran''': The Pumpkin Monster is STANDING RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!!!!! :'''Eubie, Wayne, Twinkle, Kip and the Pumpkin Monster''': AAAH!!!!!!! :''[they hide inside themselves]'' :'''Pumpkin Monster''': So, you thought you could come and rescue Fran the bat? Hahaha. <hr width=50%> :'''Pumpkin Monster''': Where did I put that key? ''[pulls out the umbrella]'' No that's not it. ''[throws the umbrella away. Next: the Pumpkin Monster pulls out a seat]'' Oh no. That's a chair. ''[throws a seat away. Next: the Pumpkin Monster pulls out a French Horn then he plays lively jazz music with the French Horn then throws the French Horn away.]'' Nope. ''[pulls out the key, which is correct]'' Aha! :'''Eubie''': We’e on our way, Fran! :'''Kip''': I’ve got the key, Fran! <hr width=50%> :'''Pumpkin Monster''': Friends sound terrific! Ah. If only I had some. :'''Eubie''': You silly monster! We’ll be your friend. :'''Pumpkin Monster''': Hot Diggity! ===''Smells Like a Mystery / Ship Ahoy!''=== Down, Boy. Down! Hal, Stucky. Hal! No, Huggy. No! {{line}} :'''Fripp''': My hot dog cart is gone! :'''Kip''': It was here just a minute ago. :'''Wayne''': Where could it be? {{line}} :'''Eubie''': ''[after Fripp sings his Hot Dog Cart Blues song; sniffs sadly]'' That's the saddest song I've ever heard. {{line}} :'''Eubie''': Hey, that's not a hot dog cart! :'''Wayne''': Yeah, that's a seal. {{line}} :'''Kip''': Wow, are you a Higglytown Hero? :'''Policewoman''': Sure. But you know else is a Higglytown Hero? Our police dog, Jiffy. ===''All Tire'd Out / Great Un-expectations''=== :'''Wayne''': When in doubt, pack everything. When it comes to the beach, you can never be too prepared. {{line}} :''[As the kids and Plunkie head on their way to the beach, the car gets a flat tire and comes to a stop in the middle of the road, and the kids cover their eyes]'' :'''Fran''': Oh my goodness gracious! :'''Eubie''': Is it thunder? Is it a monster? :'''Wayne''': Don't answer. I don't want to know! :'''Plunkie''': Oh, it's nothing to be afraid of. :'''Fran''': It's just a flat tire. :'''Plunkie''': ''[hops out of the car and inspects the tire]'' Oh! :'''Twinkle''': Mom, does this mean we're not going to the beach? ===''Soup With Stars / The Happy Friendly Sparkly Toast Club''=== ===''First Snow / Snow Dazed''=== :'''Kip''': I can't wear pink, with ribbons. :'''Twinkle''': Well, ''I'' want to wear pink, not green. :'''Wayne''': This jacket is itchy. :'''Eubie''': ''[shivering and freezing]'' Um… I'm kind of cold. :'''Fran''': Nice try, Higgly kids. But I don't think this is gonna work now. :'''Wayne''': Oh. How will we ever get bigger clothes? ===''Catch Up With Ketchup / Star Struck''=== :'''Twinkle''': Ooh. It's raining marshmallows! :''[Two marshmallows land on Wayne's glasses]'' :'''Kip''': Wayne, you got marshmallow on your glasses. :'''Wayne''': Uh, I can't see. Everything looks like it's covered in marshmallows. :'''Eubie''': ''[takes Wayne's glasses off his eyes]'' Maybe I can wipe your glasses off with my shirt. :'''Kip''': No. We can take them inside and wash them off. :'''Wayne''': Wait! I only clean them with my special cleaning cloth. ''[runs into Eubie and Kip, and accidentally breaks his glasses]'' :'''Eubie and Kip''': Uh-oh! :'''Wayne''': What happened? :'''Twinkle''': Oh, no! Wayne! Your glasses are broken! :'''Wayne''': Broken?! I can't wear my glasses if they're broken! And if I can't wear my glasses, I can't see clearly! ''[in his POV, his vision is all blurry]'' It looks… blurry. Like I'm opening my eyes underwater. If everything is blurry, then I'm not gonna be able to see the shooting stars! What am I gonna do? {{line}} :'''Fran''': Oh, that's a mighty fine idea, Twinkle. Yes, sir, but I'm afraid that lenses made of ice would just melt. :'''Twinkle''': Aw, pickles. ''[snaps fingers in disappointment]'' ==''Twinkle's Wish''== ===''Twinkle's Masterpiece / The Egg-cellent Adventure''=== :'''Wayne''': ''[curiously]'' Gee, Mom. Don't we even get a hint where we're going? :'''Plunkie''': No. I told you-- it's a surprise. You'll see when we get there. :'''Fran''': Can anyone guess where we're going? :'''Twinkle''': Oh, I hope we're going to the pink puppy poodle palace so we can see all the pink poodles. :'''Plunkie''': You don't have to guess anymore, kids. We're here! ''[they arrive at an artist's house]'' This is where my friend Nikki lives. She's an artist, and she's gonna give you art lessons. :'''Twinkle''': Art lessons? :'''Kids''': Cool! :''[A moment later, they stand in front of the front door as Nikki, a blind artist, answers]'' :'''Nikki''': Wow. You're right on time! Hey there, future artists. I'm Nikki. :'''Kids''': Hi, Nikki. {{line}} :'''Phil''': Ooh, looks like I'll be juggling melons again. {{line}} :'''Eubie''': Grandpop Crank? ''You're'' a Higglytown Hero? ===''Wayne's Ripping Adventure / Meet Eubie's Cousin''=== :'''Kip''': Wow, Twinkle. You're going to be great at your recital. :'''Eubie''': So a recital is when you perform in front of a lot of people? :'''Fran''': That's right, Eubie. :'''Twinkle''': I wish you could all come, but this recital is only for family members, like my mom and Wayne. :'''Wayne''': Yeah. I can't wait to go. {{line}} :'''Plunkie''': ''[reminding Wayne]'' Remember that tonight is a special night for Twinkle. I want you to look your best. So once you put on your good clothes, be careful to keep them nice and clean. :'''Wayne''': Don't worry, Mom. I will. {{line}} :'''Wayne''': ''[horrified when he accidentally rips his pants]'' Oh, no! I've ripped my good pants! ''[sadly]'' Mom said I have to look nice in my good clothes if I want to go to Twinkle's recital. What am I gonna do? ''[starts singing his Ripped Pants Blues song] ♪ When I woke up this morning, the sun was in the sky :''When I looked in the mirror,'' :''I sure was lookin' fine!'' :''It was the day of the recital: my sister's ballet debut'' :''I'll never see her dance now 'cause of the ripped pants, can't go blues'' :''My mom said, "Be careful." She said, "Stay nice and clean."'' :''When she sees what I've done here, she's gonna turn a sickly green!'' :''My best pants are in tatters, and my shirt is dirty too!'' :''I'm gonna miss the ballet 'cause of the ripped pants, can't go blues'' :''I tried to be careful, I just made one mistake'' :''The rest of the family's going, but I'm gonna miss Swan Lake'' :''Now my whole life is ruined, and my heart is broken too'' :''I'm gonna miss the ballet 'cause of the ripped pants… can't go blues'' :''Yeah… ♪'' :'''Eubie''': ''[remorsefully after the song ends]'' That's the saddest song I've ever heard. {{line}} :'''Wayne''': Please don't be mad, Twinkle. I really wanted to look nice for your recital. It was an accident. ===''Say What? / Higgly Harmonies''=== :'''Twinkle''': ''[plays her Flamingo Cello]'' How was that, mom? ===''Patty Cake / Having a Ball''=== :'''Wayne''': Yeah, If they don't get more bread, well never to make our sandwiches. and If they don't get make sandwiches, well never to go on our picnic! ===''Wayne's Good Guess / Wayne's 100 Special Somethings''=== ===''Fran Takes a Hike / Mystery at Kip's House''=== :'''Wayne''': What are we gonna do?! ''[a thumping noise is heard again, everyone screams in terror]'' :'''Eubie''': If only there was someone special to help us! :'''Wayne''': ''[pops up then sings]'' Someone special, who could it be? :'''Twinkle''': ''[singing]'' This job’s too big for you and me! :'''Fran''': We need some help! :'''Kip''': But never fear-o! ===''Bright Sights, Big City / Kip's Shadow''=== :''[The Higgly kids, Aunt Mellie and Uncle Zooter, and Jax are riding an express train heading to Higgly Biggly City]'' :'''Fran''': Goodness gumballs! You kids sure are excited about this trip to Higgly Biggly City. :'''Twinkle''': Of course! Higgly Biggly City is the only place you can see ''Happy, Hairy, Higgly Monsters Live!'' :'''Eubie''': Thanks for taking us, Aunt Mellie and Uncle Zooter. :'''Aunt Mellie''': Of course, Eubie. :'''Uncle Zooter''': It's our pleasure. :'''Jax''': It sure was great to visit you guys in Higglytown, but now I can't wait for you all to see ''my'' home city. :'''Kip''': And I can't wait to see ''Happy, Hairy, Higgly Monsters Live.'' :'''Wayne''': Me, too. It's supposed to be the best show on Higglyway, and it has ''all'' the Happy, Hairy, Higgly Monsters! {{line}} :''[The gang arrives at the theater on Higglyway for the show, only to find that it isn't open yet]'' :'''Uncle Zooter''': Gee, it looks like… :'''Aunt Mellie''': The theater isn't open yet. :'''Kids''': ''[disappointed]'' Aw! :'''Aunt Mellie''': ''[checks the time on her watch]'' The show doesn't start… :'''Uncle Zooter''': ''[checks the time on his watch]'' For another few hours. :'''Jax''': I've got an idea. Since we have plenty of time, why don't we go see the Higgly Biggly City sights? :'''Aunt Mellie''': Why, Jax, I declare I think that's… a super-dupity idea. {{line}} :'''Twinkle''': Can you take a bride and groom to a fancy ballroom? :'''Taxi Driver Hero''': I'd love to! :'''Wayne''': Or drive a bobcat to a laundromat? :'''Taxi Driver Hero''': If he's got the fare. ===''Kip Joins the Circus / Baby Boom''=== :'''Twinkle''': What’s that? :'''Fran''': Everyone’s already run for cover. :'''Twinkle''': Aw pickles. ''[runs for cover with the others]'' :'''Wayne''': Why did it have to rain? How can we have our circus in the rain? :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Don’t worry, Wayne. I think it’s just a little shower. Look! The rain’s lighten up already. ''[the Higgly Kids look at the rain lighting up]'' :'''Kip''': Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s get back to the Fricky Frack Funhouse circus! Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go! ''[a storm clap is heard]'' Or maybe we could wait a little longer. ''[a thunder clap hits Fricky Frack Funhouse setting it on fire]'' :'''Twinkle''': Oh no! Look! Fricky Frack Funhouse is on fire! ''[zooms to Fricky Frack Funhouse on fire]'' :'''Uncle Lemmo''': This is terrible! We can’t let Fricky Frack Funhouse burnt down! :'''Wayne''': Can somebody do something?! :'''Eubie''': We really need the help of someone special right away! ===''Twinkle's Favorite Author / Don't Fence Me In''=== :'''Pizza Guy''': ''''''''''Bold text''LOOK OUT BELOW'''''''''!!!!!'' :'''Kip''': Oh, no the pizza! :'''Library Man''': The library! :'''Twinkle''': And worst of all, PJ Butternut is trapped inside! {{line}}: :'''Uncle Lemmo and Gloria''': What? It’s my fence! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': If it’s your fence, what’s it doing on my property? :'''Gloria''': It’s not on your property, it’s on my property! And I’m painting my fence on my property yellow! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Purple! :'''Gloria''': Yellow! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': PURPLE! :'''Gloria''': Yellow! ===''Higgly Hoedown / Eubie's Turbo Sled''=== ===''Kip's Sweet Tooth / Wayne's Lollipop''=== :'''Kip''': Chocolate on chocolate? Way to go, Wayne. :'''Wayne''': But you haven't seen my secret ingredient. I call it, my "Choco-toast-tastic ice cream sandwich sundae." :'''Kip''': Nice going, Eubie. I hope it tastes as good as it looks. :'''Eubie''': My secret ingredient: lucky 4-leaf clover cookie for good luck. :'''Kip''': Ha! That's one nutty sundae, Fran. :'''Fran''': Oh, the nuttier the better, I always say. {{line}} :'''Dentist Hero''': So, what's the problem, Kip? ''[Kip mumbles indistinctly with his mouth wide open]'' Sorry, Kip. I can't understand what you're saying. :'''Bitty''': (He said) He tried to eat some ice cream, but every time he took a bite, it hurt. :'''Dentist Hero''': Well, I have to take a close look at your teeth, but it sounds like you might have a cavity. :'''Kip''': A ''cavity?!'' {{line}} :'''Wayne''': ''[witnessing a gigantic rainbow lollipop]'' Wow! That's a really big lollipop! :'''Candy Cart Owner''': A gargantuan giant lollipop is what I call it. :'''Wayne''': It's got so many colors. :'''Candy Cart Owner''': Every color of the rainbow, and each one's a different flavor on the tongue. Green is sublimely lime. Red is raucous raspberry. Blue is… :'''Twinkle''': Catch it! :'''Kip''': I got it! I got it! :'''Eubie''': Excuse me. :'''Wayne''': The blue is blueberry? :'''Candy Cart Owner''': Burstin' blueberry. That swirl of yellow is lipsmackin' lemon, and the purple is… :'''Wayne''': Grape-jelly grape. Those are all my favorite flavors. {{line}} :'''Kip''': Wow! That's the biggest jumbo lollipop I've ever seen! :'''Twinkle''': It's gonna take you forever to lick. :'''Eubie''': Or even longer. {{line}} :'''Fran''': My, oh, my, that's one colorful idea there, Twinkle. But the thing is, Higglytown's kinda low on Leprechauns this time of year, don't ya know? :'''Twinkle''': ''[disappointed]'' Aw…pickles. :'''Wayne''': This is terrible. If I can't find a way to get this lollipop out of my hair, it's gonna be stuck on my head forever. What am I gonna do?! ===''Kip's Dad Gets a Strike / A Really Hot Day''=== :'''Fripp''': '''STOP THAT BALL!!!''' :'''[[w:Pizza Guy (Higglytown Heroes)|Pizza Guy]]''': This looks like a job for Pizza Guy! <hr width=50%> :'''Pizza Guy''': ''[passing the Nacho Brothers: Vince, Stephen and Alex on his skateboard]'' Sorry, Nacho Brothers! Almost there! Almost there! :''[X-57 Strike King ball crash]'' :'''Fripp''': ''[sadly]'' Oh, no. My X-57 Strike King. It's broken. ===''Higgly Frog Day / Eubie's Ele-fantastic Adventure''=== :'''Kip''': I wonder where Fran is. She said she was gonna meet us here. :'''Wayne''': Yeah. Where could she be? :'''Fran''': ''[hopping towards the kids, wearing a frog hat]'' Ribbit. Ribbit. Ribbit. Don't ya know? :'''Twinkle''': Fran, why are you wearing that hat? :'''Fran''': Oh, my wiggly whiskers. You kids didn't forget, did you? :'''Wayne''': Forget what? :'''Fran''': Why, it's Higgly Frog Day! :'''Eubie''': Higgly Frog Day? :'''Twinkle''': ''[remembers]'' Oh, yeah! I remember! Lots of higgly frogs live in Higgly Swamp. But during the winter, it gets too cold for that. So every winter, the higgly frogs hop south where it's nice and warm. :'''Fran''': But after winter is over, the higgly frogs return to their homes in Higgly Swamp on this very same day every year. :'''Twinkle''': And they hop right through Higglytown on their way to the swamp. :'''Fran''': That's right. So every year, Higglytown holds a big celebration in the town square to welcome the higgly frogs as they pass through Higglytown on their way to their swampy homes. :'''Kip''': Well, let's get to the town square. Let's go, let's go, let's go! {{line}} :'''Uncle Lemmo''': The frogs are on their way! Let's start the parade, I say! {{line}} :''[As the higgly frogs hop down the street, they soon get stuck in all the confetti and streamers]'' :'''Eubie''': The higgly frogs can't hop through all the confetti and streamers. :'''Fran''': They sure can't. That's one big mess out there in the street. You betcha. :'''Wayne''': This is terrible! The higgly frogs can't hop through all this trash. We need to think of some way to get rid of it. :'''Eubie''': But how? :'''Twinkle''': ''[gets an idea]'' Oh! Oh! I know, I know, I know! First, we make a big stack of flippy floppy flapjacks. The flying fluffy frog fairies can come eat up all the flippy floppy flapjacks. The flippy floppy flapjacks will give the flying fluffy frog fairies the magical energy they need to change all the trash into little tiny bugs. :'''Wayne''': Wait a second. I don't think I like this plan. :'''Twinkle''': Why not? :'''Wayne''': I don't want all those flies flying around. :'''Twinkle''': They won't. Because higgly frogs love to eat up all the bugs they can. Then the trash will be all gone and the higgly frogs will happily hop off to Higgly Swamp with happy, full frogs tummies. :'''Fran''': That's one magical idea there, Twinkle. But there's just one problem. Flying fluffy frog fairies don't like flippy floppy flapjacks. :'''Twinkle''': ''[snaps her fingers in disappointment]'' Aw, pickles. :'''Kip''': We could clean the trash up. But there's too much. It'll take us forever to clean all this up. :'''Wayne''': What are we gonna do? We have to get all this trash cleaned up or the higgly frogs are never gonna get to Higgly Swamp. :'''Eubie''': As Higgly Frog hop-along leader, I declare that we need the help of someone special. {{line}} :'''Eubie''': Could you sweep a thousand pies if they're falling from the skies? :'''Kip''': Can you clean up the grime of a sticky monster's slime? :'''Street Sweeper Hero''': ''♪ Monster slime or falling pie / You can wave them all bye-bye / Cleaning up is what I do / On any street or avenue ♪'' {{line}} :'''Twinkle''': Thanks, Ms. Street Sweeper. :'''Kip''': We never could've cleared up the streets without you. :'''Street Sweeper Hero''': Shucks. I'm glad to help out the higgly frogs. Besides, I was just doing my job. Keeping Higglytown clean helps make it a great place to live. :'''Wayne''': It sure does. :'''Street Sweeper Hero''': But remember, everyone, cleaning up is great. But it's even better to keep things clean in the first place. So if you remember not to litter, you can be… :'''Kids''': Higglytown Heroes! ===''Wayne's Letter Factory / Live at the Birthday Lounges''=== ==''Season 2''== ===''Twinkle, Twinkle Little Fish / All the Wrong Moves''=== ===''Kip Gets Swing Fever / Wayne's Pieces of Gold''=== ===''All Warm Inside / Calling All Ducks''=== :'''Kip''': My Flylophone sounds just as good as the last time it buzzed. ''[hears bongo noises and then, Fran pops out playing her bongos]'' :'''Fran''': Oh, and my bongo drums sound mighty funky, yes sir! <hr width=50%> :'''Pizza Guy''': Can I bring my Electric Pizza-lin? :'''Kip''': Sure! The more instruments the better. :'''Pizza Guy''': Totally radical! Yeah! Whoo! <hr width=50%> :'''Wayne''': I got my Wayneatone! ''[plays it, and then Twinkle pops out with her Flamingo Cello]'' :'''Twinkle''': And I got my Flamingo Cello! ''[plays it]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Eubie''': Oh, Bouncylodeon! How I’ve missed you! ''[gets it on the wagon, Aunt Mellie and Uncle Zooter arrive]'' :'''Aunt Mellie''': Our Loop-A-Pop-A-Squeak-A-Phone… :'''Uncle Zooter''': Is gonna sound great on the lake! ===''The Totally Secret Valentine / A Valentine for Ms. Fern''=== ===''Cry Baby Pookie / Wait for Me''=== :''[The Higgly kids and Bitty enter Pookie's room to surprise her as she's woken up from her nap]'' :'''Wayne''': ''[whispering]'' I wonder what Pookie's gonna say when we tell her it's her birthday. :'''Twinkle''': ''[whispering]'' I know. She's gonna say, "Goo-goo ga-ga, kee-kee!" :'''Kids''': ''[whispering]'' Happy Birthday, Pookie. :''[Pookie suddenly starts crying]'' :'''Eubie''': Oh, no. Pookie's crying. :'''Twinkle''': What happened to the "Goo ga-ga, kee-kee?" :'''Wayne''': Oopsie. Did we do something wrong? :'''Bitty''': No. It's not your fault, kids. Babies often cry when they wake up from their naps. Sometimes they just want be held. ''[picks up Pookie from her bed for comfort]'' Watch. There, there, Pookie-poo. Mommy's here. Everything's all right. :''[Pookie cries louder]'' :'''Kip''': She's still crying, Mom. {{line}} :'''Kip''': Poor Pookie. She's supposed to be happy on her birthday, not sad. :'''Twinkle''': If only there was some way we could make her smile. {{line}} :'''Wayne''': If Pookie doesn't stop crying, she won't have a happy birthday. And if Pookie doesn't have a happy birthday-- :'''Twinkle''': She'll have a sad birthday. ===''Balloon-a-palooza / Wayne's Day Out''=== ==''The Fran In the Moon''== ===''Me and My Shadow / Out to Sea''=== :'''Kip''': Give me that flag! :'''Twinkle''': ''[giggles]'' He thinks it's a game. :'''Kip''': But it's not a game. ''[annoyed]'' Uhh! Shadow, listen to me! Stop right now! :'''Eubie''': Um, Kip, Shadow's not stopping. :'''Wayne''': He's not doing ''anything'' you say. :'''Kip''': I know. What am I gonna do? {{line}} :'''Ms. Fern''': Down, Shadow! Down! :'''Kip''': Sorry, Ms. Fern. I tried to control Shadow all morning, but I guess I just can't. :'''Wayne''': This is awful! Our tower is toppled! Our classroom is a mess! :'''Twinkle''': There's dog slobber everywhere. :'''Wayne''': What are we gonna do? ===''Don't Wayne On My Parade / Twinkle's Terrific Twirl''=== ===''Wayne's Big, Big Discovery / Dirigible Day''=== ==''The Legend of Higgsquatch''== ===''Eubie's Big Boat Float / A Slippery Situation''=== ==''Higgly Island''== ===''Corn to Be Wild / Overnight Moose''=== ===''Shear Luck / Big Night Out''=== ===''Kip's Rocket Rescue / Let's Get Moving''=== :''[The Higgly kids arrive at Kip's grandparent's house with some boxes sitting in front]'' :'''Kip''': Grandpa-pa! Grandma-ma! :'''Grandpa-pa''': Hey there, Kip. :'''Grandma-ma''': It's so good to see you. :'''Kip''': It's good to see you, too. :'''Grandma-ma''': What brings you kids here today? :'''Kip''': We came up here to get some cardboard boxes so we can make a pizza palace for our backyard Higgly Biggly City. :'''Fripp''': Aw, sorry, Kip. But Grandpa-pa and Grandma-ma need all their cardboard boxes. Today is the day they're moving. :'''Eubie, Wayne & Twinkle''': Moving?! :'''Kip''': I knew you were moving, but I didn't know you were moving today. :'''Wayne''': But we don't want you to move away. :'''Kip''': Don't worry. They're not moving far away, just to a brand new house in another part of Higglytown. :'''Eubie, Wayne & Twinkle''': A brand-new house? {{line}} :'''Fripp''': ''[takes an old baseball glove off the shelf]'' Wow. There are so many memories down here. Hard to believe you're packing up and moving out of the house I grew up in. :'''Kip''': ''[finds a baby photo album and blows off the dust]'' What's this, Dad? :'''Fripp''': Hey, it's my baby photo album. I bet there's lots of great memories in there. :'''Kip''': ''[opens the photo album and finds a photo of Baby Fripp]'' Is that you, Dad? :'''Fripp''': It sure is. :'''Grandma-ma''': Why, that's your father back when he was a brand new, tiny baby. ''[turns the page to more Baby Fripp photos]'' :'''Eubie''': You sure were a cute baby, Mr. Kip's Dad. :'''Twinkle''': Yeah! You were a cutesy wootsey wootsey woo. :''[Everyone else laughs as Fripp frowns in embarrassment]'' :'''Grandma-ma''': Your dad used to like it when I'd say, "Gootchie gootchie wah wah." :'''Fripp''': Sorry, everyone, but we have to pack this, too. ===''Calling All Cars! / Amazing Museum''=== ===''Frozen Fish Follies / Look Who's Squawking''=== ===''Eubie's Pink Dots / Two Bees or Not Two Bees''=== ===''Wayne's Day to Shine / Wayne Listens Up''=== :'''Wayne''': ''[slips]'' Whoa, whoa! :''[Wayne knocks off the ladder then, the bottom of the ladder pushes the paint buckets]'' :'''All''': ''[gasp after they got paint all over themselves]'' Our Costumes! :'''Wayne''': Heh, whoopsie! ===''A Hopping Popping Problem / Hay Hay Hay!''=== ==''Season 3''== ===''Happy Campers / All Washed Out''=== ===''Hats All Folks / Hop Hop Hooray''=== ===''Shuffleboard Buddies / All Mapped Out''=== ===''12-Pie Abe / The Day the Dinner Stood Still''=== :'''Longest Beard Mike''': Look! Aliens from another planet! I told ya! Didn’t I tell ya?! I told ya! ===''Saturday Night Higgly / Monster Sandwiches''=== :'''Eubie''': ''[to Kip as Fripp continues hopping nonstop with the CD skipping]'' Um, Kip, what's wrong with your dad? :'''Wayne''': Yeah. Why won't he stop hopping? {{line}} :'''Kip''': Are you okay, Dad? :'''Fripp''': I'm fine. But look at this CD. It's covered with scratches. And without ''Freddy Fever Disco Beaver,'' my dancing days are over. :'''Wayne''': Say it isn't so! You practiced so hard. Plus, I skipped my toast break so I'd have extra room… for the Banana Horn! What are we gonna do?! :'''Eubie''': Um, get someone special to help us? {{line}} :'''Musician Hero #1''': ''♪ We're musicians, clap your hands / We play instruments in our band / Bringing you joy is our goal / With Rock / Jazz / Disco / And Soul! ♪'' :'''Musician Hero #2''': ''♪ We practice songs every day / 'Cause we love to sing and play / Note for note and beat to beat / You'll be dancing cheek to cheek ♪'' :'''Wayne''': Could you play some cool bebop for some hep cats and their pops? :'''Twinkle''': Could you whisk away the blues for a tortoise with the flu? :'''Musician Hero #1''': ''♪ Blues for reptiles, jazz for cats / Our music is where it's at ♪'' :'''Musician Hero #2''': ''♪ Music is a happy sound / Loved the whole wide world around ♪'' ===''The Big Pink Elephant Sale / Higglies On Horseback''=== ===''Easy to Get Sneezy / Unlock the Magic''=== :'''Plunkie''': Allergic is when you have a ''bad'' reaction to something. {{line}} :'''Jessi''': My wig! ''[laughs maniacally]'' MY WIG! ===''Buki Buki Boo Boo / Signs of Spring''=== ===''Wayne's Cycle Recycle / Wayne's Wet Pet''=== ===''X Marks the Spot! / Eubie's View''=== :''[Eubie is finishing up his painting of the beautiful sunset on the easel before going to bed]'' :'''Flappy''': Beautiful! ''[squawks]'' Beautiful! ''[whistles]'' :'''Eubie''': It sure is, Flappy. This might be the best sunset yet. :''[Aunt Mellie and Uncle Zooter enter his bedroom]'' :'''Uncle Zooter''': How's the painting… :'''Aunt Mellie''': Coming along? :'''Eubie''': Almost finished. There! All done! :'''Aunt Mellie''': ''[amazed]'' Why, Eubie, darling. :'''Uncle Zooter''': It's simply beautiful. :'''Flappy''': Beautiful! Beautiful! :'''Aunt Mellie''': But now… :'''Uncle Zooter''': It's time for you to go to bed. :'''Eubie''': Aw. :'''Uncle Zooter''': Don't worry, Eubie. There will be… :'''Aunt Mellie''': Another sunset tomorrow. ===''Wing-a-ding Whirly Box / Windy Watchers''=== ===''Choo Choo Zucchini / Something Ducky Going On''=== :''[The Higgly Kids gasp in surprise at their zucchini's enormous size when they enter the backyard]'' :'''Fran''': Oh, get your peppers around that! :'''Wayne''': Our little seed grew, grew, grew! :'''Kip''': Come on! Let's put in Eubie's wagon and take it to the show! :'''Eubie''': Uh-oh! I don't think Mr. Zucchini is going to fit in my wagon. :'''Fran''': Nope. That veggie's gonna need a special delivery. {{line}} :'''Wayne''': If we don't find something strong enough, fast enough, and big enough, we're never gonna get Mr. Zucchini to corn county in time for the Fruit and Veggie Spectacular. ===''Fripp's Flip-flap Flop / Say Cheese''=== :'''Wayne and Twinkle''': Uncle Lemmo?! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Yep, I’m a Higglytown Hero. :'''All''': Wow! ===''Canyon Capers / Highcountry Hiccups''=== ==''Calling All Heroes''== :''[While setting up the party decorations in the backyard to celebrate Wayne's birthday, a flash of thunder and lightning strikes and a strong wind starts blowing away all the decorations]'' :'''Kip''': My hat! :'''Twinkle''': My tiara! :'''Wayne''': My pizza! :'''Twinkle''': Oh, no! :'''Plunkie''': Quickly, everybody! Help grab what you can and hop indoors before it starts to rain. {{line}} :'''Plunkie''': What a terrible storm! We should stay away from the window in case it rains. :''[Thunder and lightning strike from the dark grey clouds]'' :'''Twinkle''': Here comes the rain! :'''Plunkie''': I'm just glad we all managed to get indoors in time. :'''Kip''': Oh, no! Look at Pizza Guy! :''[Pizza Guy drives through the storm, steering out of control and pizza pellets fly out from the back of his van]'' :'''Eubie''': I hope Pizza Guy is okay. :'''Fran''': That was a close one. :'''Wayne''': But wait a second. I just thought of something. Didn't Pizza Guy say you're only supposed to add "one" drop of water to his pizza pellets? :'''Kip''': I think so. Why? :'''Wayne''': Because all of his pizza pellets just went flying out into the storm! What's gonna happen when those pellets get soaking wet?! {{line}} :''[After the horrible storm leaves Higglytown, Kip and Eubie reunite with their families]'' :'''Bitty''': Kip? :'''Kip''': Mom! :'''Aunt Millie''': Eubie! :'''Bitty''': Are you all right? :'''Aunt Millie''': We tried callin'. :'''Uncle Zooter''': But all the phones in town are dead. :'''Fripp''': Then we had to wait till the storm was over until we could head out. :'''Bitty''': Oh, we've been so worried! :'''Plunkie''': Don't worry. We've all been safe inside. ===''Happy Flappy Birthday / Cuckoo County Cawcaw Contest''=== ===''Little Big Fish / Good Sports''=== ===''Tis' the Season to Be Snowy / Bingo Bongos''=== :'''Fripp''': That’s one hippity-hop idea, Twinkle. But hopping cave hippos like to live in caves where it’s nice and quiet. Bringing them to a concert might hurt their ears. ===''Wayne's Toasty Invention / Spell It Safe''=== ==External Links== {{Wikipedia}} [[Category:American children's TV shows]] o86qz5fcp2vkjv3n5k03o0gpxqlxjr2 3778643 3778641 2025-07-14T13:33:55Z 2603:6010:AF00:AAF8:9D79:930A:E716:8326 /* Twinkle's Favorite Author / Don't Fence Me In */ 3778643 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Higglytown Heroes|Higglytown Heroes]]''''' is an American computer-animated children's television series that premiered on September 12, 2004 and on January 7, 2008 in the United States. More episodes are coming soon. ==''Season 1''== ===''Up A Tree / Missing Grandpop''=== :'''Jennifer Whiskers''': She must be lost! :'''All''': LOST?! ===''Twinkle Tooth / Flower Power''=== :[''[[w:Twinkle (Higglytown Heroes)|Twinkle]] gasps''] :'''[[w:Eubie (Higglytown Heroes)|Eubie]]''': What’s wrong, Twinkle? ''[cuts to Twinkle]'' :'''Twinkle''': My tooth! It’s- it’s loose! :'''[[w:Wayne (Higglytown Heroes)|Wayne]]''': Oh No! Somebody do something! :'''Eubie''': It’s okay, Twinkle. All kids loose their baby teeth. :'''Twinkle''': They do? ===''Flappy's Not Happy / Electric Evening''=== ===''Smooth Operator / Sticky Situation''=== :'''Bitty''': ''[goes over the phone and answers it]'' Hello? :'''Eubie''': I wonder who's calling. :'''[[w:Kip (Higglytown Heroes)|Kip]]''': With a phone call, it could be ''anybody.'' :'''Wayne''': I hope it's not my mom calling because she found those brussel sprouts in the umbrella stand. :''[A 2D animated sequence in a thought cloud shows Plunkie calling Bitty, dumping brussel sprouts out of the umbrella stand]'' :'''Plunkie''': I'm sure there is a perfectly reasonable explanation, Bitty. I just don't know what it is. {{line}} :'''Bitty''': ''[hangs up; to the kids]'' That was Grandma-ma. I have to take her to visit Aunt Susie this afternoon, so I won't be able to help make macaroni hats after all. I'm very sorry, kids. I know I said I would, but I really have to go with Grandma-ma. :'''Twinkle''': And I thought we were going to have a lot of fun today. :'''Wayne''': Yeah, fun. ===''Weather or Not / Green In the Gills''=== :'''Twinkle''': That's prettier than a unicorn dressed up like a princess. Oh, I love a breezy breeze. :'''Kids''': Whoa! :'''Wayne''': Whoopsie. :''[barrel crash]'' :'''[[w:Fran (Higglytown Heroes)|Fran]]''': Oh, no! :'''Kids''': Whoa! :'''Wayne''': Stop that barrel! :''[barrel crash again]'' :'''Fran''': ''[sadly]'' My barrel's broken, and all my acorns all gone. Acorn day is runied. I need a time out. ==''Halloween Heroes''== :'''Fran''': It’s when all the ghosts and goblins and monsters come out for spooky fun. ''[cuts to the kids]'' :'''Wayne''': There aren’t really any monsters, are there, Fran? :'''Fran''': Oh, don’t worry, Wayne. There’s no such thing as… ''[cuts to Uncle Lemmo opening the door with a Jack-o’-lantern to scare the kids]'' '''MONSTERS!!!!!!!''' :''[zooms at Uncle Lemmo, cuts to the kids scream in terror, cuts back to Uncle Lemmo dropping his pumpkin after screaming in fear, cuts back to the kids]'' :'''All''': Uncle Lemmo?! ''[move to Uncle Lemmo after he was revealed, cuts to the kids moving to talk to Uncle Lemmo]'' :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Oh, kids! You nearly startled me right outta my pants. :'''Eubie''': We thought you were a pumpkin monster! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Nope, just being my Jack'o'lantern. Ugh, looks like I'm gonna have to carve a new one now. ''[scene wipes to Uncle Lemmo carving another Jack'o'Lantern]'' :'''Twinkle''': Why do we make Jack o lanterns on Halloween, anyway? :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Do you kids mean to tell me that you’ve never heard the story of the first Jack’o’Lantern? :'''Eubie''': Nuh-uh! :'''Kip''': Tell us! :'''Twinkle''': Please tell us, Uncle Lemmo! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': It all started in Higglytown a long, long time ago. :'''Black Cat''': ''[meows]'' :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Every year in Higglytown had a big Halloween Party. :'''Albert the Vampire''': ''[as Plunkie departures him]'' Ugh! <hr width=50%> :'''Jennifer Whiskers''': ''[sniffs, then pinches her nose]'' Eew… ''[walks away from Jake the archer and Albert the vampire]'' :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Now- back then, they were five friends. And just like everyone else in Higglytown, these friends couldn’t wait for Halloween! :'''Kip''': I’m a robot! :'''Twinkle''': A princess. :'''Eubie''': A walrus! :'''Fran''': A bat! :'''Wayne''': An Alien-Clown-Cowboy, imagine that! <hr width=50%> :'''Pumpkin Monster''': Of course I can, I’m a scary monster, and scary monsters are very mean! ''[shakes Fran the bat]'' :'''Fran''': Oh, well, I suppose you’re right about that! :'''Pumpkin Monster''': ''[takes Fran the bat to his Pumpkin Castle]'' Bwaaaah! <hr width=50%> :'''Pumpkin Monster''': ''[gets the pumpkin key, then runs down the stairs making monster noises]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Eubie''': I’m phoning a friend. ''[Bernice’s phone rings]'' :'''Bernice''': Hello. :'''Eubie''': Hi, Bernice. I was wondering if you could do us a really big favor. <hr width=50%> :'''Wayne''': Agh! ''[hides inside Eubie, then they walk up to the pumpkin castle]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Fran''': There's just one problem. :'''Twinkle''': What is that? :'''Fran''': The Pumpkin Monster is STANDING RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!!!!! :'''Eubie, Wayne, Twinkle, Kip and the Pumpkin Monster''': AAAH!!!!!!! :''[they hide inside themselves]'' :'''Pumpkin Monster''': So, you thought you could come and rescue Fran the bat? Hahaha. <hr width=50%> :'''Pumpkin Monster''': Where did I put that key? ''[pulls out the umbrella]'' No that's not it. ''[throws the umbrella away. Next: the Pumpkin Monster pulls out a seat]'' Oh no. That's a chair. ''[throws a seat away. Next: the Pumpkin Monster pulls out a French Horn then he plays lively jazz music with the French Horn then throws the French Horn away.]'' Nope. ''[pulls out the key, which is correct]'' Aha! :'''Eubie''': We’e on our way, Fran! :'''Kip''': I’ve got the key, Fran! <hr width=50%> :'''Pumpkin Monster''': Friends sound terrific! Ah. If only I had some. :'''Eubie''': You silly monster! We’ll be your friend. :'''Pumpkin Monster''': Hot Diggity! ===''Smells Like a Mystery / Ship Ahoy!''=== Down, Boy. Down! Hal, Stucky. Hal! No, Huggy. No! {{line}} :'''Fripp''': My hot dog cart is gone! :'''Kip''': It was here just a minute ago. :'''Wayne''': Where could it be? {{line}} :'''Eubie''': ''[after Fripp sings his Hot Dog Cart Blues song; sniffs sadly]'' That's the saddest song I've ever heard. {{line}} :'''Eubie''': Hey, that's not a hot dog cart! :'''Wayne''': Yeah, that's a seal. {{line}} :'''Kip''': Wow, are you a Higglytown Hero? :'''Policewoman''': Sure. But you know else is a Higglytown Hero? Our police dog, Jiffy. ===''All Tire'd Out / Great Un-expectations''=== :'''Wayne''': When in doubt, pack everything. When it comes to the beach, you can never be too prepared. {{line}} :''[As the kids and Plunkie head on their way to the beach, the car gets a flat tire and comes to a stop in the middle of the road, and the kids cover their eyes]'' :'''Fran''': Oh my goodness gracious! :'''Eubie''': Is it thunder? Is it a monster? :'''Wayne''': Don't answer. I don't want to know! :'''Plunkie''': Oh, it's nothing to be afraid of. :'''Fran''': It's just a flat tire. :'''Plunkie''': ''[hops out of the car and inspects the tire]'' Oh! :'''Twinkle''': Mom, does this mean we're not going to the beach? ===''Soup With Stars / The Happy Friendly Sparkly Toast Club''=== ===''First Snow / Snow Dazed''=== :'''Kip''': I can't wear pink, with ribbons. :'''Twinkle''': Well, ''I'' want to wear pink, not green. :'''Wayne''': This jacket is itchy. :'''Eubie''': ''[shivering and freezing]'' Um… I'm kind of cold. :'''Fran''': Nice try, Higgly kids. But I don't think this is gonna work now. :'''Wayne''': Oh. How will we ever get bigger clothes? ===''Catch Up With Ketchup / Star Struck''=== :'''Twinkle''': Ooh. It's raining marshmallows! :''[Two marshmallows land on Wayne's glasses]'' :'''Kip''': Wayne, you got marshmallow on your glasses. :'''Wayne''': Uh, I can't see. Everything looks like it's covered in marshmallows. :'''Eubie''': ''[takes Wayne's glasses off his eyes]'' Maybe I can wipe your glasses off with my shirt. :'''Kip''': No. We can take them inside and wash them off. :'''Wayne''': Wait! I only clean them with my special cleaning cloth. ''[runs into Eubie and Kip, and accidentally breaks his glasses]'' :'''Eubie and Kip''': Uh-oh! :'''Wayne''': What happened? :'''Twinkle''': Oh, no! Wayne! Your glasses are broken! :'''Wayne''': Broken?! I can't wear my glasses if they're broken! And if I can't wear my glasses, I can't see clearly! ''[in his POV, his vision is all blurry]'' It looks… blurry. Like I'm opening my eyes underwater. If everything is blurry, then I'm not gonna be able to see the shooting stars! What am I gonna do? {{line}} :'''Fran''': Oh, that's a mighty fine idea, Twinkle. Yes, sir, but I'm afraid that lenses made of ice would just melt. :'''Twinkle''': Aw, pickles. ''[snaps fingers in disappointment]'' ==''Twinkle's Wish''== ===''Twinkle's Masterpiece / The Egg-cellent Adventure''=== :'''Wayne''': ''[curiously]'' Gee, Mom. Don't we even get a hint where we're going? :'''Plunkie''': No. I told you-- it's a surprise. You'll see when we get there. :'''Fran''': Can anyone guess where we're going? :'''Twinkle''': Oh, I hope we're going to the pink puppy poodle palace so we can see all the pink poodles. :'''Plunkie''': You don't have to guess anymore, kids. We're here! ''[they arrive at an artist's house]'' This is where my friend Nikki lives. She's an artist, and she's gonna give you art lessons. :'''Twinkle''': Art lessons? :'''Kids''': Cool! :''[A moment later, they stand in front of the front door as Nikki, a blind artist, answers]'' :'''Nikki''': Wow. You're right on time! Hey there, future artists. I'm Nikki. :'''Kids''': Hi, Nikki. {{line}} :'''Phil''': Ooh, looks like I'll be juggling melons again. {{line}} :'''Eubie''': Grandpop Crank? ''You're'' a Higglytown Hero? ===''Wayne's Ripping Adventure / Meet Eubie's Cousin''=== :'''Kip''': Wow, Twinkle. You're going to be great at your recital. :'''Eubie''': So a recital is when you perform in front of a lot of people? :'''Fran''': That's right, Eubie. :'''Twinkle''': I wish you could all come, but this recital is only for family members, like my mom and Wayne. :'''Wayne''': Yeah. I can't wait to go. {{line}} :'''Plunkie''': ''[reminding Wayne]'' Remember that tonight is a special night for Twinkle. I want you to look your best. So once you put on your good clothes, be careful to keep them nice and clean. :'''Wayne''': Don't worry, Mom. I will. {{line}} :'''Wayne''': ''[horrified when he accidentally rips his pants]'' Oh, no! I've ripped my good pants! ''[sadly]'' Mom said I have to look nice in my good clothes if I want to go to Twinkle's recital. What am I gonna do? ''[starts singing his Ripped Pants Blues song] ♪ When I woke up this morning, the sun was in the sky :''When I looked in the mirror,'' :''I sure was lookin' fine!'' :''It was the day of the recital: my sister's ballet debut'' :''I'll never see her dance now 'cause of the ripped pants, can't go blues'' :''My mom said, "Be careful." She said, "Stay nice and clean."'' :''When she sees what I've done here, she's gonna turn a sickly green!'' :''My best pants are in tatters, and my shirt is dirty too!'' :''I'm gonna miss the ballet 'cause of the ripped pants, can't go blues'' :''I tried to be careful, I just made one mistake'' :''The rest of the family's going, but I'm gonna miss Swan Lake'' :''Now my whole life is ruined, and my heart is broken too'' :''I'm gonna miss the ballet 'cause of the ripped pants… can't go blues'' :''Yeah… ♪'' :'''Eubie''': ''[remorsefully after the song ends]'' That's the saddest song I've ever heard. {{line}} :'''Wayne''': Please don't be mad, Twinkle. I really wanted to look nice for your recital. It was an accident. ===''Say What? / Higgly Harmonies''=== :'''Twinkle''': ''[plays her Flamingo Cello]'' How was that, mom? ===''Patty Cake / Having a Ball''=== :'''Wayne''': Yeah, If they don't get more bread, well never to make our sandwiches. and If they don't get make sandwiches, well never to go on our picnic! ===''Wayne's Good Guess / Wayne's 100 Special Somethings''=== ===''Fran Takes a Hike / Mystery at Kip's House''=== :'''Wayne''': What are we gonna do?! ''[a thumping noise is heard again, everyone screams in terror]'' :'''Eubie''': If only there was someone special to help us! :'''Wayne''': ''[pops up then sings]'' Someone special, who could it be? :'''Twinkle''': ''[singing]'' This job’s too big for you and me! :'''Fran''': We need some help! :'''Kip''': But never fear-o! ===''Bright Sights, Big City / Kip's Shadow''=== :''[The Higgly kids, Aunt Mellie and Uncle Zooter, and Jax are riding an express train heading to Higgly Biggly City]'' :'''Fran''': Goodness gumballs! You kids sure are excited about this trip to Higgly Biggly City. :'''Twinkle''': Of course! Higgly Biggly City is the only place you can see ''Happy, Hairy, Higgly Monsters Live!'' :'''Eubie''': Thanks for taking us, Aunt Mellie and Uncle Zooter. :'''Aunt Mellie''': Of course, Eubie. :'''Uncle Zooter''': It's our pleasure. :'''Jax''': It sure was great to visit you guys in Higglytown, but now I can't wait for you all to see ''my'' home city. :'''Kip''': And I can't wait to see ''Happy, Hairy, Higgly Monsters Live.'' :'''Wayne''': Me, too. It's supposed to be the best show on Higglyway, and it has ''all'' the Happy, Hairy, Higgly Monsters! {{line}} :''[The gang arrives at the theater on Higglyway for the show, only to find that it isn't open yet]'' :'''Uncle Zooter''': Gee, it looks like… :'''Aunt Mellie''': The theater isn't open yet. :'''Kids''': ''[disappointed]'' Aw! :'''Aunt Mellie''': ''[checks the time on her watch]'' The show doesn't start… :'''Uncle Zooter''': ''[checks the time on his watch]'' For another few hours. :'''Jax''': I've got an idea. Since we have plenty of time, why don't we go see the Higgly Biggly City sights? :'''Aunt Mellie''': Why, Jax, I declare I think that's… a super-dupity idea. {{line}} :'''Twinkle''': Can you take a bride and groom to a fancy ballroom? :'''Taxi Driver Hero''': I'd love to! :'''Wayne''': Or drive a bobcat to a laundromat? :'''Taxi Driver Hero''': If he's got the fare. ===''Kip Joins the Circus / Baby Boom''=== :'''Twinkle''': What’s that? :'''Fran''': Everyone’s already run for cover. :'''Twinkle''': Aw pickles. ''[runs for cover with the others]'' :'''Wayne''': Why did it have to rain? How can we have our circus in the rain? :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Don’t worry, Wayne. I think it’s just a little shower. Look! The rain’s lighten up already. ''[the Higgly Kids look at the rain lighting up]'' :'''Kip''': Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s get back to the Fricky Frack Funhouse circus! Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go! ''[a storm clap is heard]'' Or maybe we could wait a little longer. ''[a thunder clap hits Fricky Frack Funhouse setting it on fire]'' :'''Twinkle''': Oh no! Look! Fricky Frack Funhouse is on fire! ''[zooms to Fricky Frack Funhouse on fire]'' :'''Uncle Lemmo''': This is terrible! We can’t let Fricky Frack Funhouse burnt down! :'''Wayne''': Can somebody do something?! :'''Eubie''': We really need the help of someone special right away! ===''Twinkle's Favorite Author / Don't Fence Me In''=== :'''Pizza Guy''': '''''''LOOK OUT BELOW!!!!!!!''' :'''Kip''': Oh, no the pizza! :'''Library Man''': The library! :'''Twinkle''': And worst of all, PJ Butternut is trapped inside! {{line}}: :'''Uncle Lemmo and Gloria''': What? It’s my fence! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': If it’s your fence, what’s it doing on my property? :'''Gloria''': It’s not on your property, it’s on my property! And I’m painting my fence on my property yellow! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Purple! :'''Gloria''': Yellow! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': PURPLE! :'''Gloria''': Yellow! ===''Higgly Hoedown / Eubie's Turbo Sled''=== ===''Kip's Sweet Tooth / Wayne's Lollipop''=== :'''Kip''': Chocolate on chocolate? Way to go, Wayne. :'''Wayne''': But you haven't seen my secret ingredient. I call it, my "Choco-toast-tastic ice cream sandwich sundae." :'''Kip''': Nice going, Eubie. I hope it tastes as good as it looks. :'''Eubie''': My secret ingredient: lucky 4-leaf clover cookie for good luck. :'''Kip''': Ha! That's one nutty sundae, Fran. :'''Fran''': Oh, the nuttier the better, I always say. {{line}} :'''Dentist Hero''': So, what's the problem, Kip? ''[Kip mumbles indistinctly with his mouth wide open]'' Sorry, Kip. I can't understand what you're saying. :'''Bitty''': (He said) He tried to eat some ice cream, but every time he took a bite, it hurt. :'''Dentist Hero''': Well, I have to take a close look at your teeth, but it sounds like you might have a cavity. :'''Kip''': A ''cavity?!'' {{line}} :'''Wayne''': ''[witnessing a gigantic rainbow lollipop]'' Wow! That's a really big lollipop! :'''Candy Cart Owner''': A gargantuan giant lollipop is what I call it. :'''Wayne''': It's got so many colors. :'''Candy Cart Owner''': Every color of the rainbow, and each one's a different flavor on the tongue. Green is sublimely lime. Red is raucous raspberry. Blue is… :'''Twinkle''': Catch it! :'''Kip''': I got it! I got it! :'''Eubie''': Excuse me. :'''Wayne''': The blue is blueberry? :'''Candy Cart Owner''': Burstin' blueberry. That swirl of yellow is lipsmackin' lemon, and the purple is… :'''Wayne''': Grape-jelly grape. Those are all my favorite flavors. {{line}} :'''Kip''': Wow! That's the biggest jumbo lollipop I've ever seen! :'''Twinkle''': It's gonna take you forever to lick. :'''Eubie''': Or even longer. {{line}} :'''Fran''': My, oh, my, that's one colorful idea there, Twinkle. But the thing is, Higglytown's kinda low on Leprechauns this time of year, don't ya know? :'''Twinkle''': ''[disappointed]'' Aw…pickles. :'''Wayne''': This is terrible. If I can't find a way to get this lollipop out of my hair, it's gonna be stuck on my head forever. What am I gonna do?! ===''Kip's Dad Gets a Strike / A Really Hot Day''=== :'''Fripp''': '''STOP THAT BALL!!!''' :'''[[w:Pizza Guy (Higglytown Heroes)|Pizza Guy]]''': This looks like a job for Pizza Guy! <hr width=50%> :'''Pizza Guy''': ''[passing the Nacho Brothers: Vince, Stephen and Alex on his skateboard]'' Sorry, Nacho Brothers! Almost there! Almost there! :''[X-57 Strike King ball crash]'' :'''Fripp''': ''[sadly]'' Oh, no. My X-57 Strike King. It's broken. ===''Higgly Frog Day / Eubie's Ele-fantastic Adventure''=== :'''Kip''': I wonder where Fran is. She said she was gonna meet us here. :'''Wayne''': Yeah. Where could she be? :'''Fran''': ''[hopping towards the kids, wearing a frog hat]'' Ribbit. Ribbit. Ribbit. Don't ya know? :'''Twinkle''': Fran, why are you wearing that hat? :'''Fran''': Oh, my wiggly whiskers. You kids didn't forget, did you? :'''Wayne''': Forget what? :'''Fran''': Why, it's Higgly Frog Day! :'''Eubie''': Higgly Frog Day? :'''Twinkle''': ''[remembers]'' Oh, yeah! I remember! Lots of higgly frogs live in Higgly Swamp. But during the winter, it gets too cold for that. So every winter, the higgly frogs hop south where it's nice and warm. :'''Fran''': But after winter is over, the higgly frogs return to their homes in Higgly Swamp on this very same day every year. :'''Twinkle''': And they hop right through Higglytown on their way to the swamp. :'''Fran''': That's right. So every year, Higglytown holds a big celebration in the town square to welcome the higgly frogs as they pass through Higglytown on their way to their swampy homes. :'''Kip''': Well, let's get to the town square. Let's go, let's go, let's go! {{line}} :'''Uncle Lemmo''': The frogs are on their way! Let's start the parade, I say! {{line}} :''[As the higgly frogs hop down the street, they soon get stuck in all the confetti and streamers]'' :'''Eubie''': The higgly frogs can't hop through all the confetti and streamers. :'''Fran''': They sure can't. That's one big mess out there in the street. You betcha. :'''Wayne''': This is terrible! The higgly frogs can't hop through all this trash. We need to think of some way to get rid of it. :'''Eubie''': But how? :'''Twinkle''': ''[gets an idea]'' Oh! Oh! I know, I know, I know! First, we make a big stack of flippy floppy flapjacks. The flying fluffy frog fairies can come eat up all the flippy floppy flapjacks. The flippy floppy flapjacks will give the flying fluffy frog fairies the magical energy they need to change all the trash into little tiny bugs. :'''Wayne''': Wait a second. I don't think I like this plan. :'''Twinkle''': Why not? :'''Wayne''': I don't want all those flies flying around. :'''Twinkle''': They won't. Because higgly frogs love to eat up all the bugs they can. Then the trash will be all gone and the higgly frogs will happily hop off to Higgly Swamp with happy, full frogs tummies. :'''Fran''': That's one magical idea there, Twinkle. But there's just one problem. Flying fluffy frog fairies don't like flippy floppy flapjacks. :'''Twinkle''': ''[snaps her fingers in disappointment]'' Aw, pickles. :'''Kip''': We could clean the trash up. But there's too much. It'll take us forever to clean all this up. :'''Wayne''': What are we gonna do? We have to get all this trash cleaned up or the higgly frogs are never gonna get to Higgly Swamp. :'''Eubie''': As Higgly Frog hop-along leader, I declare that we need the help of someone special. {{line}} :'''Eubie''': Could you sweep a thousand pies if they're falling from the skies? :'''Kip''': Can you clean up the grime of a sticky monster's slime? :'''Street Sweeper Hero''': ''♪ Monster slime or falling pie / You can wave them all bye-bye / Cleaning up is what I do / On any street or avenue ♪'' {{line}} :'''Twinkle''': Thanks, Ms. Street Sweeper. :'''Kip''': We never could've cleared up the streets without you. :'''Street Sweeper Hero''': Shucks. I'm glad to help out the higgly frogs. Besides, I was just doing my job. Keeping Higglytown clean helps make it a great place to live. :'''Wayne''': It sure does. :'''Street Sweeper Hero''': But remember, everyone, cleaning up is great. But it's even better to keep things clean in the first place. So if you remember not to litter, you can be… :'''Kids''': Higglytown Heroes! ===''Wayne's Letter Factory / Live at the Birthday Lounges''=== ==''Season 2''== ===''Twinkle, Twinkle Little Fish / All the Wrong Moves''=== ===''Kip Gets Swing Fever / Wayne's Pieces of Gold''=== ===''All Warm Inside / Calling All Ducks''=== :'''Kip''': My Flylophone sounds just as good as the last time it buzzed. ''[hears bongo noises and then, Fran pops out playing her bongos]'' :'''Fran''': Oh, and my bongo drums sound mighty funky, yes sir! <hr width=50%> :'''Pizza Guy''': Can I bring my Electric Pizza-lin? :'''Kip''': Sure! The more instruments the better. :'''Pizza Guy''': Totally radical! Yeah! Whoo! <hr width=50%> :'''Wayne''': I got my Wayneatone! ''[plays it, and then Twinkle pops out with her Flamingo Cello]'' :'''Twinkle''': And I got my Flamingo Cello! ''[plays it]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Eubie''': Oh, Bouncylodeon! How I’ve missed you! ''[gets it on the wagon, Aunt Mellie and Uncle Zooter arrive]'' :'''Aunt Mellie''': Our Loop-A-Pop-A-Squeak-A-Phone… :'''Uncle Zooter''': Is gonna sound great on the lake! ===''The Totally Secret Valentine / A Valentine for Ms. Fern''=== ===''Cry Baby Pookie / Wait for Me''=== :''[The Higgly kids and Bitty enter Pookie's room to surprise her as she's woken up from her nap]'' :'''Wayne''': ''[whispering]'' I wonder what Pookie's gonna say when we tell her it's her birthday. :'''Twinkle''': ''[whispering]'' I know. She's gonna say, "Goo-goo ga-ga, kee-kee!" :'''Kids''': ''[whispering]'' Happy Birthday, Pookie. :''[Pookie suddenly starts crying]'' :'''Eubie''': Oh, no. Pookie's crying. :'''Twinkle''': What happened to the "Goo ga-ga, kee-kee?" :'''Wayne''': Oopsie. Did we do something wrong? :'''Bitty''': No. It's not your fault, kids. Babies often cry when they wake up from their naps. Sometimes they just want be held. ''[picks up Pookie from her bed for comfort]'' Watch. There, there, Pookie-poo. Mommy's here. Everything's all right. :''[Pookie cries louder]'' :'''Kip''': She's still crying, Mom. {{line}} :'''Kip''': Poor Pookie. She's supposed to be happy on her birthday, not sad. :'''Twinkle''': If only there was some way we could make her smile. {{line}} :'''Wayne''': If Pookie doesn't stop crying, she won't have a happy birthday. And if Pookie doesn't have a happy birthday-- :'''Twinkle''': She'll have a sad birthday. ===''Balloon-a-palooza / Wayne's Day Out''=== ==''The Fran In the Moon''== ===''Me and My Shadow / Out to Sea''=== :'''Kip''': Give me that flag! :'''Twinkle''': ''[giggles]'' He thinks it's a game. :'''Kip''': But it's not a game. ''[annoyed]'' Uhh! Shadow, listen to me! Stop right now! :'''Eubie''': Um, Kip, Shadow's not stopping. :'''Wayne''': He's not doing ''anything'' you say. :'''Kip''': I know. What am I gonna do? {{line}} :'''Ms. Fern''': Down, Shadow! Down! :'''Kip''': Sorry, Ms. Fern. I tried to control Shadow all morning, but I guess I just can't. :'''Wayne''': This is awful! Our tower is toppled! Our classroom is a mess! :'''Twinkle''': There's dog slobber everywhere. :'''Wayne''': What are we gonna do? ===''Don't Wayne On My Parade / Twinkle's Terrific Twirl''=== ===''Wayne's Big, Big Discovery / Dirigible Day''=== ==''The Legend of Higgsquatch''== ===''Eubie's Big Boat Float / A Slippery Situation''=== ==''Higgly Island''== ===''Corn to Be Wild / Overnight Moose''=== ===''Shear Luck / Big Night Out''=== ===''Kip's Rocket Rescue / Let's Get Moving''=== :''[The Higgly kids arrive at Kip's grandparent's house with some boxes sitting in front]'' :'''Kip''': Grandpa-pa! Grandma-ma! :'''Grandpa-pa''': Hey there, Kip. :'''Grandma-ma''': It's so good to see you. :'''Kip''': It's good to see you, too. :'''Grandma-ma''': What brings you kids here today? :'''Kip''': We came up here to get some cardboard boxes so we can make a pizza palace for our backyard Higgly Biggly City. :'''Fripp''': Aw, sorry, Kip. But Grandpa-pa and Grandma-ma need all their cardboard boxes. Today is the day they're moving. :'''Eubie, Wayne & Twinkle''': Moving?! :'''Kip''': I knew you were moving, but I didn't know you were moving today. :'''Wayne''': But we don't want you to move away. :'''Kip''': Don't worry. They're not moving far away, just to a brand new house in another part of Higglytown. :'''Eubie, Wayne & Twinkle''': A brand-new house? {{line}} :'''Fripp''': ''[takes an old baseball glove off the shelf]'' Wow. There are so many memories down here. Hard to believe you're packing up and moving out of the house I grew up in. :'''Kip''': ''[finds a baby photo album and blows off the dust]'' What's this, Dad? :'''Fripp''': Hey, it's my baby photo album. I bet there's lots of great memories in there. :'''Kip''': ''[opens the photo album and finds a photo of Baby Fripp]'' Is that you, Dad? :'''Fripp''': It sure is. :'''Grandma-ma''': Why, that's your father back when he was a brand new, tiny baby. ''[turns the page to more Baby Fripp photos]'' :'''Eubie''': You sure were a cute baby, Mr. Kip's Dad. :'''Twinkle''': Yeah! You were a cutesy wootsey wootsey woo. :''[Everyone else laughs as Fripp frowns in embarrassment]'' :'''Grandma-ma''': Your dad used to like it when I'd say, "Gootchie gootchie wah wah." :'''Fripp''': Sorry, everyone, but we have to pack this, too. ===''Calling All Cars! / Amazing Museum''=== ===''Frozen Fish Follies / Look Who's Squawking''=== ===''Eubie's Pink Dots / Two Bees or Not Two Bees''=== ===''Wayne's Day to Shine / Wayne Listens Up''=== :'''Wayne''': ''[slips]'' Whoa, whoa! :''[Wayne knocks off the ladder then, the bottom of the ladder pushes the paint buckets]'' :'''All''': ''[gasp after they got paint all over themselves]'' Our Costumes! :'''Wayne''': Heh, whoopsie! ===''A Hopping Popping Problem / Hay Hay Hay!''=== ==''Season 3''== ===''Happy Campers / All Washed Out''=== ===''Hats All Folks / Hop Hop Hooray''=== ===''Shuffleboard Buddies / All Mapped Out''=== ===''12-Pie Abe / The Day the Dinner Stood Still''=== :'''Longest Beard Mike''': Look! Aliens from another planet! I told ya! Didn’t I tell ya?! I told ya! ===''Saturday Night Higgly / Monster Sandwiches''=== :'''Eubie''': ''[to Kip as Fripp continues hopping nonstop with the CD skipping]'' Um, Kip, what's wrong with your dad? :'''Wayne''': Yeah. Why won't he stop hopping? {{line}} :'''Kip''': Are you okay, Dad? :'''Fripp''': I'm fine. But look at this CD. It's covered with scratches. And without ''Freddy Fever Disco Beaver,'' my dancing days are over. :'''Wayne''': Say it isn't so! You practiced so hard. Plus, I skipped my toast break so I'd have extra room… for the Banana Horn! What are we gonna do?! :'''Eubie''': Um, get someone special to help us? {{line}} :'''Musician Hero #1''': ''♪ We're musicians, clap your hands / We play instruments in our band / Bringing you joy is our goal / With Rock / Jazz / Disco / And Soul! ♪'' :'''Musician Hero #2''': ''♪ We practice songs every day / 'Cause we love to sing and play / Note for note and beat to beat / You'll be dancing cheek to cheek ♪'' :'''Wayne''': Could you play some cool bebop for some hep cats and their pops? :'''Twinkle''': Could you whisk away the blues for a tortoise with the flu? :'''Musician Hero #1''': ''♪ Blues for reptiles, jazz for cats / Our music is where it's at ♪'' :'''Musician Hero #2''': ''♪ Music is a happy sound / Loved the whole wide world around ♪'' ===''The Big Pink Elephant Sale / Higglies On Horseback''=== ===''Easy to Get Sneezy / Unlock the Magic''=== :'''Plunkie''': Allergic is when you have a ''bad'' reaction to something. {{line}} :'''Jessi''': My wig! ''[laughs maniacally]'' MY WIG! ===''Buki Buki Boo Boo / Signs of Spring''=== ===''Wayne's Cycle Recycle / Wayne's Wet Pet''=== ===''X Marks the Spot! / Eubie's View''=== :''[Eubie is finishing up his painting of the beautiful sunset on the easel before going to bed]'' :'''Flappy''': Beautiful! ''[squawks]'' Beautiful! ''[whistles]'' :'''Eubie''': It sure is, Flappy. This might be the best sunset yet. :''[Aunt Mellie and Uncle Zooter enter his bedroom]'' :'''Uncle Zooter''': How's the painting… :'''Aunt Mellie''': Coming along? :'''Eubie''': Almost finished. There! All done! :'''Aunt Mellie''': ''[amazed]'' Why, Eubie, darling. :'''Uncle Zooter''': It's simply beautiful. :'''Flappy''': Beautiful! Beautiful! :'''Aunt Mellie''': But now… :'''Uncle Zooter''': It's time for you to go to bed. :'''Eubie''': Aw. :'''Uncle Zooter''': Don't worry, Eubie. There will be… :'''Aunt Mellie''': Another sunset tomorrow. ===''Wing-a-ding Whirly Box / Windy Watchers''=== ===''Choo Choo Zucchini / Something Ducky Going On''=== :''[The Higgly Kids gasp in surprise at their zucchini's enormous size when they enter the backyard]'' :'''Fran''': Oh, get your peppers around that! :'''Wayne''': Our little seed grew, grew, grew! :'''Kip''': Come on! Let's put in Eubie's wagon and take it to the show! :'''Eubie''': Uh-oh! I don't think Mr. Zucchini is going to fit in my wagon. :'''Fran''': Nope. That veggie's gonna need a special delivery. {{line}} :'''Wayne''': If we don't find something strong enough, fast enough, and big enough, we're never gonna get Mr. Zucchini to corn county in time for the Fruit and Veggie Spectacular. ===''Fripp's Flip-flap Flop / Say Cheese''=== :'''Wayne and Twinkle''': Uncle Lemmo?! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Yep, I’m a Higglytown Hero. :'''All''': Wow! ===''Canyon Capers / Highcountry Hiccups''=== ==''Calling All Heroes''== :''[While setting up the party decorations in the backyard to celebrate Wayne's birthday, a flash of thunder and lightning strikes and a strong wind starts blowing away all the decorations]'' :'''Kip''': My hat! :'''Twinkle''': My tiara! :'''Wayne''': My pizza! :'''Twinkle''': Oh, no! :'''Plunkie''': Quickly, everybody! Help grab what you can and hop indoors before it starts to rain. {{line}} :'''Plunkie''': What a terrible storm! We should stay away from the window in case it rains. :''[Thunder and lightning strike from the dark grey clouds]'' :'''Twinkle''': Here comes the rain! :'''Plunkie''': I'm just glad we all managed to get indoors in time. :'''Kip''': Oh, no! Look at Pizza Guy! :''[Pizza Guy drives through the storm, steering out of control and pizza pellets fly out from the back of his van]'' :'''Eubie''': I hope Pizza Guy is okay. :'''Fran''': That was a close one. :'''Wayne''': But wait a second. I just thought of something. Didn't Pizza Guy say you're only supposed to add "one" drop of water to his pizza pellets? :'''Kip''': I think so. Why? :'''Wayne''': Because all of his pizza pellets just went flying out into the storm! What's gonna happen when those pellets get soaking wet?! {{line}} :''[After the horrible storm leaves Higglytown, Kip and Eubie reunite with their families]'' :'''Bitty''': Kip? :'''Kip''': Mom! :'''Aunt Millie''': Eubie! :'''Bitty''': Are you all right? :'''Aunt Millie''': We tried callin'. :'''Uncle Zooter''': But all the phones in town are dead. :'''Fripp''': Then we had to wait till the storm was over until we could head out. :'''Bitty''': Oh, we've been so worried! :'''Plunkie''': Don't worry. We've all been safe inside. ===''Happy Flappy Birthday / Cuckoo County Cawcaw Contest''=== ===''Little Big Fish / Good Sports''=== ===''Tis' the Season to Be Snowy / Bingo Bongos''=== :'''Fripp''': That’s one hippity-hop idea, Twinkle. But hopping cave hippos like to live in caves where it’s nice and quiet. Bringing them to a concert might hurt their ears. ===''Wayne's Toasty Invention / Spell It Safe''=== ==External Links== {{Wikipedia}} [[Category:American children's TV shows]] kat29krgnvk2mt5le011444uk6oarm3 3778644 3778643 2025-07-14T13:34:06Z 2603:6010:AF00:AAF8:9D79:930A:E716:8326 /* Twinkle's Favorite Author / Don't Fence Me In */ 3778644 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Higglytown Heroes|Higglytown Heroes]]''''' is an American computer-animated children's television series that premiered on September 12, 2004 and on January 7, 2008 in the United States. More episodes are coming soon. ==''Season 1''== ===''Up A Tree / Missing Grandpop''=== :'''Jennifer Whiskers''': She must be lost! :'''All''': LOST?! ===''Twinkle Tooth / Flower Power''=== :[''[[w:Twinkle (Higglytown Heroes)|Twinkle]] gasps''] :'''[[w:Eubie (Higglytown Heroes)|Eubie]]''': What’s wrong, Twinkle? ''[cuts to Twinkle]'' :'''Twinkle''': My tooth! It’s- it’s loose! :'''[[w:Wayne (Higglytown Heroes)|Wayne]]''': Oh No! Somebody do something! :'''Eubie''': It’s okay, Twinkle. All kids loose their baby teeth. :'''Twinkle''': They do? ===''Flappy's Not Happy / Electric Evening''=== ===''Smooth Operator / Sticky Situation''=== :'''Bitty''': ''[goes over the phone and answers it]'' Hello? :'''Eubie''': I wonder who's calling. :'''[[w:Kip (Higglytown Heroes)|Kip]]''': With a phone call, it could be ''anybody.'' :'''Wayne''': I hope it's not my mom calling because she found those brussel sprouts in the umbrella stand. :''[A 2D animated sequence in a thought cloud shows Plunkie calling Bitty, dumping brussel sprouts out of the umbrella stand]'' :'''Plunkie''': I'm sure there is a perfectly reasonable explanation, Bitty. I just don't know what it is. {{line}} :'''Bitty''': ''[hangs up; to the kids]'' That was Grandma-ma. I have to take her to visit Aunt Susie this afternoon, so I won't be able to help make macaroni hats after all. I'm very sorry, kids. I know I said I would, but I really have to go with Grandma-ma. :'''Twinkle''': And I thought we were going to have a lot of fun today. :'''Wayne''': Yeah, fun. ===''Weather or Not / Green In the Gills''=== :'''Twinkle''': That's prettier than a unicorn dressed up like a princess. Oh, I love a breezy breeze. :'''Kids''': Whoa! :'''Wayne''': Whoopsie. :''[barrel crash]'' :'''[[w:Fran (Higglytown Heroes)|Fran]]''': Oh, no! :'''Kids''': Whoa! :'''Wayne''': Stop that barrel! :''[barrel crash again]'' :'''Fran''': ''[sadly]'' My barrel's broken, and all my acorns all gone. Acorn day is runied. I need a time out. ==''Halloween Heroes''== :'''Fran''': It’s when all the ghosts and goblins and monsters come out for spooky fun. ''[cuts to the kids]'' :'''Wayne''': There aren’t really any monsters, are there, Fran? :'''Fran''': Oh, don’t worry, Wayne. There’s no such thing as… ''[cuts to Uncle Lemmo opening the door with a Jack-o’-lantern to scare the kids]'' '''MONSTERS!!!!!!!''' :''[zooms at Uncle Lemmo, cuts to the kids scream in terror, cuts back to Uncle Lemmo dropping his pumpkin after screaming in fear, cuts back to the kids]'' :'''All''': Uncle Lemmo?! ''[move to Uncle Lemmo after he was revealed, cuts to the kids moving to talk to Uncle Lemmo]'' :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Oh, kids! You nearly startled me right outta my pants. :'''Eubie''': We thought you were a pumpkin monster! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Nope, just being my Jack'o'lantern. Ugh, looks like I'm gonna have to carve a new one now. ''[scene wipes to Uncle Lemmo carving another Jack'o'Lantern]'' :'''Twinkle''': Why do we make Jack o lanterns on Halloween, anyway? :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Do you kids mean to tell me that you’ve never heard the story of the first Jack’o’Lantern? :'''Eubie''': Nuh-uh! :'''Kip''': Tell us! :'''Twinkle''': Please tell us, Uncle Lemmo! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': It all started in Higglytown a long, long time ago. :'''Black Cat''': ''[meows]'' :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Every year in Higglytown had a big Halloween Party. :'''Albert the Vampire''': ''[as Plunkie departures him]'' Ugh! <hr width=50%> :'''Jennifer Whiskers''': ''[sniffs, then pinches her nose]'' Eew… ''[walks away from Jake the archer and Albert the vampire]'' :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Now- back then, they were five friends. And just like everyone else in Higglytown, these friends couldn’t wait for Halloween! :'''Kip''': I’m a robot! :'''Twinkle''': A princess. :'''Eubie''': A walrus! :'''Fran''': A bat! :'''Wayne''': An Alien-Clown-Cowboy, imagine that! <hr width=50%> :'''Pumpkin Monster''': Of course I can, I’m a scary monster, and scary monsters are very mean! ''[shakes Fran the bat]'' :'''Fran''': Oh, well, I suppose you’re right about that! :'''Pumpkin Monster''': ''[takes Fran the bat to his Pumpkin Castle]'' Bwaaaah! <hr width=50%> :'''Pumpkin Monster''': ''[gets the pumpkin key, then runs down the stairs making monster noises]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Eubie''': I’m phoning a friend. ''[Bernice’s phone rings]'' :'''Bernice''': Hello. :'''Eubie''': Hi, Bernice. I was wondering if you could do us a really big favor. <hr width=50%> :'''Wayne''': Agh! ''[hides inside Eubie, then they walk up to the pumpkin castle]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Fran''': There's just one problem. :'''Twinkle''': What is that? :'''Fran''': The Pumpkin Monster is STANDING RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!!!!! :'''Eubie, Wayne, Twinkle, Kip and the Pumpkin Monster''': AAAH!!!!!!! :''[they hide inside themselves]'' :'''Pumpkin Monster''': So, you thought you could come and rescue Fran the bat? Hahaha. <hr width=50%> :'''Pumpkin Monster''': Where did I put that key? ''[pulls out the umbrella]'' No that's not it. ''[throws the umbrella away. Next: the Pumpkin Monster pulls out a seat]'' Oh no. That's a chair. ''[throws a seat away. Next: the Pumpkin Monster pulls out a French Horn then he plays lively jazz music with the French Horn then throws the French Horn away.]'' Nope. ''[pulls out the key, which is correct]'' Aha! :'''Eubie''': We’e on our way, Fran! :'''Kip''': I’ve got the key, Fran! <hr width=50%> :'''Pumpkin Monster''': Friends sound terrific! Ah. If only I had some. :'''Eubie''': You silly monster! We’ll be your friend. :'''Pumpkin Monster''': Hot Diggity! ===''Smells Like a Mystery / Ship Ahoy!''=== Down, Boy. Down! Hal, Stucky. Hal! No, Huggy. No! {{line}} :'''Fripp''': My hot dog cart is gone! :'''Kip''': It was here just a minute ago. :'''Wayne''': Where could it be? {{line}} :'''Eubie''': ''[after Fripp sings his Hot Dog Cart Blues song; sniffs sadly]'' That's the saddest song I've ever heard. {{line}} :'''Eubie''': Hey, that's not a hot dog cart! :'''Wayne''': Yeah, that's a seal. {{line}} :'''Kip''': Wow, are you a Higglytown Hero? :'''Policewoman''': Sure. But you know else is a Higglytown Hero? Our police dog, Jiffy. ===''All Tire'd Out / Great Un-expectations''=== :'''Wayne''': When in doubt, pack everything. When it comes to the beach, you can never be too prepared. {{line}} :''[As the kids and Plunkie head on their way to the beach, the car gets a flat tire and comes to a stop in the middle of the road, and the kids cover their eyes]'' :'''Fran''': Oh my goodness gracious! :'''Eubie''': Is it thunder? Is it a monster? :'''Wayne''': Don't answer. I don't want to know! :'''Plunkie''': Oh, it's nothing to be afraid of. :'''Fran''': It's just a flat tire. :'''Plunkie''': ''[hops out of the car and inspects the tire]'' Oh! :'''Twinkle''': Mom, does this mean we're not going to the beach? ===''Soup With Stars / The Happy Friendly Sparkly Toast Club''=== ===''First Snow / Snow Dazed''=== :'''Kip''': I can't wear pink, with ribbons. :'''Twinkle''': Well, ''I'' want to wear pink, not green. :'''Wayne''': This jacket is itchy. :'''Eubie''': ''[shivering and freezing]'' Um… I'm kind of cold. :'''Fran''': Nice try, Higgly kids. But I don't think this is gonna work now. :'''Wayne''': Oh. How will we ever get bigger clothes? ===''Catch Up With Ketchup / Star Struck''=== :'''Twinkle''': Ooh. It's raining marshmallows! :''[Two marshmallows land on Wayne's glasses]'' :'''Kip''': Wayne, you got marshmallow on your glasses. :'''Wayne''': Uh, I can't see. Everything looks like it's covered in marshmallows. :'''Eubie''': ''[takes Wayne's glasses off his eyes]'' Maybe I can wipe your glasses off with my shirt. :'''Kip''': No. We can take them inside and wash them off. :'''Wayne''': Wait! I only clean them with my special cleaning cloth. ''[runs into Eubie and Kip, and accidentally breaks his glasses]'' :'''Eubie and Kip''': Uh-oh! :'''Wayne''': What happened? :'''Twinkle''': Oh, no! Wayne! Your glasses are broken! :'''Wayne''': Broken?! I can't wear my glasses if they're broken! And if I can't wear my glasses, I can't see clearly! ''[in his POV, his vision is all blurry]'' It looks… blurry. Like I'm opening my eyes underwater. If everything is blurry, then I'm not gonna be able to see the shooting stars! What am I gonna do? {{line}} :'''Fran''': Oh, that's a mighty fine idea, Twinkle. Yes, sir, but I'm afraid that lenses made of ice would just melt. :'''Twinkle''': Aw, pickles. ''[snaps fingers in disappointment]'' ==''Twinkle's Wish''== ===''Twinkle's Masterpiece / The Egg-cellent Adventure''=== :'''Wayne''': ''[curiously]'' Gee, Mom. Don't we even get a hint where we're going? :'''Plunkie''': No. I told you-- it's a surprise. You'll see when we get there. :'''Fran''': Can anyone guess where we're going? :'''Twinkle''': Oh, I hope we're going to the pink puppy poodle palace so we can see all the pink poodles. :'''Plunkie''': You don't have to guess anymore, kids. We're here! ''[they arrive at an artist's house]'' This is where my friend Nikki lives. She's an artist, and she's gonna give you art lessons. :'''Twinkle''': Art lessons? :'''Kids''': Cool! :''[A moment later, they stand in front of the front door as Nikki, a blind artist, answers]'' :'''Nikki''': Wow. You're right on time! Hey there, future artists. I'm Nikki. :'''Kids''': Hi, Nikki. {{line}} :'''Phil''': Ooh, looks like I'll be juggling melons again. {{line}} :'''Eubie''': Grandpop Crank? ''You're'' a Higglytown Hero? ===''Wayne's Ripping Adventure / Meet Eubie's Cousin''=== :'''Kip''': Wow, Twinkle. You're going to be great at your recital. :'''Eubie''': So a recital is when you perform in front of a lot of people? :'''Fran''': That's right, Eubie. :'''Twinkle''': I wish you could all come, but this recital is only for family members, like my mom and Wayne. :'''Wayne''': Yeah. I can't wait to go. {{line}} :'''Plunkie''': ''[reminding Wayne]'' Remember that tonight is a special night for Twinkle. I want you to look your best. So once you put on your good clothes, be careful to keep them nice and clean. :'''Wayne''': Don't worry, Mom. I will. {{line}} :'''Wayne''': ''[horrified when he accidentally rips his pants]'' Oh, no! I've ripped my good pants! ''[sadly]'' Mom said I have to look nice in my good clothes if I want to go to Twinkle's recital. What am I gonna do? ''[starts singing his Ripped Pants Blues song] ♪ When I woke up this morning, the sun was in the sky :''When I looked in the mirror,'' :''I sure was lookin' fine!'' :''It was the day of the recital: my sister's ballet debut'' :''I'll never see her dance now 'cause of the ripped pants, can't go blues'' :''My mom said, "Be careful." She said, "Stay nice and clean."'' :''When she sees what I've done here, she's gonna turn a sickly green!'' :''My best pants are in tatters, and my shirt is dirty too!'' :''I'm gonna miss the ballet 'cause of the ripped pants, can't go blues'' :''I tried to be careful, I just made one mistake'' :''The rest of the family's going, but I'm gonna miss Swan Lake'' :''Now my whole life is ruined, and my heart is broken too'' :''I'm gonna miss the ballet 'cause of the ripped pants… can't go blues'' :''Yeah… ♪'' :'''Eubie''': ''[remorsefully after the song ends]'' That's the saddest song I've ever heard. {{line}} :'''Wayne''': Please don't be mad, Twinkle. I really wanted to look nice for your recital. It was an accident. ===''Say What? / Higgly Harmonies''=== :'''Twinkle''': ''[plays her Flamingo Cello]'' How was that, mom? ===''Patty Cake / Having a Ball''=== :'''Wayne''': Yeah, If they don't get more bread, well never to make our sandwiches. and If they don't get make sandwiches, well never to go on our picnic! ===''Wayne's Good Guess / Wayne's 100 Special Somethings''=== ===''Fran Takes a Hike / Mystery at Kip's House''=== :'''Wayne''': What are we gonna do?! ''[a thumping noise is heard again, everyone screams in terror]'' :'''Eubie''': If only there was someone special to help us! :'''Wayne''': ''[pops up then sings]'' Someone special, who could it be? :'''Twinkle''': ''[singing]'' This job’s too big for you and me! :'''Fran''': We need some help! :'''Kip''': But never fear-o! ===''Bright Sights, Big City / Kip's Shadow''=== :''[The Higgly kids, Aunt Mellie and Uncle Zooter, and Jax are riding an express train heading to Higgly Biggly City]'' :'''Fran''': Goodness gumballs! You kids sure are excited about this trip to Higgly Biggly City. :'''Twinkle''': Of course! Higgly Biggly City is the only place you can see ''Happy, Hairy, Higgly Monsters Live!'' :'''Eubie''': Thanks for taking us, Aunt Mellie and Uncle Zooter. :'''Aunt Mellie''': Of course, Eubie. :'''Uncle Zooter''': It's our pleasure. :'''Jax''': It sure was great to visit you guys in Higglytown, but now I can't wait for you all to see ''my'' home city. :'''Kip''': And I can't wait to see ''Happy, Hairy, Higgly Monsters Live.'' :'''Wayne''': Me, too. It's supposed to be the best show on Higglyway, and it has ''all'' the Happy, Hairy, Higgly Monsters! {{line}} :''[The gang arrives at the theater on Higglyway for the show, only to find that it isn't open yet]'' :'''Uncle Zooter''': Gee, it looks like… :'''Aunt Mellie''': The theater isn't open yet. :'''Kids''': ''[disappointed]'' Aw! :'''Aunt Mellie''': ''[checks the time on her watch]'' The show doesn't start… :'''Uncle Zooter''': ''[checks the time on his watch]'' For another few hours. :'''Jax''': I've got an idea. Since we have plenty of time, why don't we go see the Higgly Biggly City sights? :'''Aunt Mellie''': Why, Jax, I declare I think that's… a super-dupity idea. {{line}} :'''Twinkle''': Can you take a bride and groom to a fancy ballroom? :'''Taxi Driver Hero''': I'd love to! :'''Wayne''': Or drive a bobcat to a laundromat? :'''Taxi Driver Hero''': If he's got the fare. ===''Kip Joins the Circus / Baby Boom''=== :'''Twinkle''': What’s that? :'''Fran''': Everyone’s already run for cover. :'''Twinkle''': Aw pickles. ''[runs for cover with the others]'' :'''Wayne''': Why did it have to rain? How can we have our circus in the rain? :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Don’t worry, Wayne. I think it’s just a little shower. Look! The rain’s lighten up already. ''[the Higgly Kids look at the rain lighting up]'' :'''Kip''': Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s get back to the Fricky Frack Funhouse circus! Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go! ''[a storm clap is heard]'' Or maybe we could wait a little longer. ''[a thunder clap hits Fricky Frack Funhouse setting it on fire]'' :'''Twinkle''': Oh no! Look! Fricky Frack Funhouse is on fire! ''[zooms to Fricky Frack Funhouse on fire]'' :'''Uncle Lemmo''': This is terrible! We can’t let Fricky Frack Funhouse burnt down! :'''Wayne''': Can somebody do something?! :'''Eubie''': We really need the help of someone special right away! ===''Twinkle's Favorite Author / Don't Fence Me In''=== :'''Pizza Guy''': '''''LOOK OUT BELOW!!!!!!!''' :'''Kip''': Oh, no the pizza! :'''Library Man''': The library! :'''Twinkle''': And worst of all, PJ Butternut is trapped inside! {{line}}: :'''Uncle Lemmo and Gloria''': What? It’s my fence! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': If it’s your fence, what’s it doing on my property? :'''Gloria''': It’s not on your property, it’s on my property! And I’m painting my fence on my property yellow! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Purple! :'''Gloria''': Yellow! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': PURPLE! :'''Gloria''': Yellow! ===''Higgly Hoedown / Eubie's Turbo Sled''=== ===''Kip's Sweet Tooth / Wayne's Lollipop''=== :'''Kip''': Chocolate on chocolate? Way to go, Wayne. :'''Wayne''': But you haven't seen my secret ingredient. I call it, my "Choco-toast-tastic ice cream sandwich sundae." :'''Kip''': Nice going, Eubie. I hope it tastes as good as it looks. :'''Eubie''': My secret ingredient: lucky 4-leaf clover cookie for good luck. :'''Kip''': Ha! That's one nutty sundae, Fran. :'''Fran''': Oh, the nuttier the better, I always say. {{line}} :'''Dentist Hero''': So, what's the problem, Kip? ''[Kip mumbles indistinctly with his mouth wide open]'' Sorry, Kip. I can't understand what you're saying. :'''Bitty''': (He said) He tried to eat some ice cream, but every time he took a bite, it hurt. :'''Dentist Hero''': Well, I have to take a close look at your teeth, but it sounds like you might have a cavity. :'''Kip''': A ''cavity?!'' {{line}} :'''Wayne''': ''[witnessing a gigantic rainbow lollipop]'' Wow! That's a really big lollipop! :'''Candy Cart Owner''': A gargantuan giant lollipop is what I call it. :'''Wayne''': It's got so many colors. :'''Candy Cart Owner''': Every color of the rainbow, and each one's a different flavor on the tongue. Green is sublimely lime. Red is raucous raspberry. Blue is… :'''Twinkle''': Catch it! :'''Kip''': I got it! I got it! :'''Eubie''': Excuse me. :'''Wayne''': The blue is blueberry? :'''Candy Cart Owner''': Burstin' blueberry. That swirl of yellow is lipsmackin' lemon, and the purple is… :'''Wayne''': Grape-jelly grape. Those are all my favorite flavors. {{line}} :'''Kip''': Wow! That's the biggest jumbo lollipop I've ever seen! :'''Twinkle''': It's gonna take you forever to lick. :'''Eubie''': Or even longer. {{line}} :'''Fran''': My, oh, my, that's one colorful idea there, Twinkle. But the thing is, Higglytown's kinda low on Leprechauns this time of year, don't ya know? :'''Twinkle''': ''[disappointed]'' Aw…pickles. :'''Wayne''': This is terrible. If I can't find a way to get this lollipop out of my hair, it's gonna be stuck on my head forever. What am I gonna do?! ===''Kip's Dad Gets a Strike / A Really Hot Day''=== :'''Fripp''': '''STOP THAT BALL!!!''' :'''[[w:Pizza Guy (Higglytown Heroes)|Pizza Guy]]''': This looks like a job for Pizza Guy! <hr width=50%> :'''Pizza Guy''': ''[passing the Nacho Brothers: Vince, Stephen and Alex on his skateboard]'' Sorry, Nacho Brothers! Almost there! Almost there! :''[X-57 Strike King ball crash]'' :'''Fripp''': ''[sadly]'' Oh, no. My X-57 Strike King. It's broken. ===''Higgly Frog Day / Eubie's Ele-fantastic Adventure''=== :'''Kip''': I wonder where Fran is. She said she was gonna meet us here. :'''Wayne''': Yeah. Where could she be? :'''Fran''': ''[hopping towards the kids, wearing a frog hat]'' Ribbit. Ribbit. Ribbit. Don't ya know? :'''Twinkle''': Fran, why are you wearing that hat? :'''Fran''': Oh, my wiggly whiskers. You kids didn't forget, did you? :'''Wayne''': Forget what? :'''Fran''': Why, it's Higgly Frog Day! :'''Eubie''': Higgly Frog Day? :'''Twinkle''': ''[remembers]'' Oh, yeah! I remember! Lots of higgly frogs live in Higgly Swamp. But during the winter, it gets too cold for that. So every winter, the higgly frogs hop south where it's nice and warm. :'''Fran''': But after winter is over, the higgly frogs return to their homes in Higgly Swamp on this very same day every year. :'''Twinkle''': And they hop right through Higglytown on their way to the swamp. :'''Fran''': That's right. So every year, Higglytown holds a big celebration in the town square to welcome the higgly frogs as they pass through Higglytown on their way to their swampy homes. :'''Kip''': Well, let's get to the town square. Let's go, let's go, let's go! {{line}} :'''Uncle Lemmo''': The frogs are on their way! Let's start the parade, I say! {{line}} :''[As the higgly frogs hop down the street, they soon get stuck in all the confetti and streamers]'' :'''Eubie''': The higgly frogs can't hop through all the confetti and streamers. :'''Fran''': They sure can't. That's one big mess out there in the street. You betcha. :'''Wayne''': This is terrible! The higgly frogs can't hop through all this trash. We need to think of some way to get rid of it. :'''Eubie''': But how? :'''Twinkle''': ''[gets an idea]'' Oh! Oh! I know, I know, I know! First, we make a big stack of flippy floppy flapjacks. The flying fluffy frog fairies can come eat up all the flippy floppy flapjacks. The flippy floppy flapjacks will give the flying fluffy frog fairies the magical energy they need to change all the trash into little tiny bugs. :'''Wayne''': Wait a second. I don't think I like this plan. :'''Twinkle''': Why not? :'''Wayne''': I don't want all those flies flying around. :'''Twinkle''': They won't. Because higgly frogs love to eat up all the bugs they can. Then the trash will be all gone and the higgly frogs will happily hop off to Higgly Swamp with happy, full frogs tummies. :'''Fran''': That's one magical idea there, Twinkle. But there's just one problem. Flying fluffy frog fairies don't like flippy floppy flapjacks. :'''Twinkle''': ''[snaps her fingers in disappointment]'' Aw, pickles. :'''Kip''': We could clean the trash up. But there's too much. It'll take us forever to clean all this up. :'''Wayne''': What are we gonna do? We have to get all this trash cleaned up or the higgly frogs are never gonna get to Higgly Swamp. :'''Eubie''': As Higgly Frog hop-along leader, I declare that we need the help of someone special. {{line}} :'''Eubie''': Could you sweep a thousand pies if they're falling from the skies? :'''Kip''': Can you clean up the grime of a sticky monster's slime? :'''Street Sweeper Hero''': ''♪ Monster slime or falling pie / You can wave them all bye-bye / Cleaning up is what I do / On any street or avenue ♪'' {{line}} :'''Twinkle''': Thanks, Ms. Street Sweeper. :'''Kip''': We never could've cleared up the streets without you. :'''Street Sweeper Hero''': Shucks. I'm glad to help out the higgly frogs. Besides, I was just doing my job. Keeping Higglytown clean helps make it a great place to live. :'''Wayne''': It sure does. :'''Street Sweeper Hero''': But remember, everyone, cleaning up is great. But it's even better to keep things clean in the first place. So if you remember not to litter, you can be… :'''Kids''': Higglytown Heroes! ===''Wayne's Letter Factory / Live at the Birthday Lounges''=== ==''Season 2''== ===''Twinkle, Twinkle Little Fish / All the Wrong Moves''=== ===''Kip Gets Swing Fever / Wayne's Pieces of Gold''=== ===''All Warm Inside / Calling All Ducks''=== :'''Kip''': My Flylophone sounds just as good as the last time it buzzed. ''[hears bongo noises and then, Fran pops out playing her bongos]'' :'''Fran''': Oh, and my bongo drums sound mighty funky, yes sir! <hr width=50%> :'''Pizza Guy''': Can I bring my Electric Pizza-lin? :'''Kip''': Sure! The more instruments the better. :'''Pizza Guy''': Totally radical! Yeah! Whoo! <hr width=50%> :'''Wayne''': I got my Wayneatone! ''[plays it, and then Twinkle pops out with her Flamingo Cello]'' :'''Twinkle''': And I got my Flamingo Cello! ''[plays it]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Eubie''': Oh, Bouncylodeon! How I’ve missed you! ''[gets it on the wagon, Aunt Mellie and Uncle Zooter arrive]'' :'''Aunt Mellie''': Our Loop-A-Pop-A-Squeak-A-Phone… :'''Uncle Zooter''': Is gonna sound great on the lake! ===''The Totally Secret Valentine / A Valentine for Ms. Fern''=== ===''Cry Baby Pookie / Wait for Me''=== :''[The Higgly kids and Bitty enter Pookie's room to surprise her as she's woken up from her nap]'' :'''Wayne''': ''[whispering]'' I wonder what Pookie's gonna say when we tell her it's her birthday. :'''Twinkle''': ''[whispering]'' I know. She's gonna say, "Goo-goo ga-ga, kee-kee!" :'''Kids''': ''[whispering]'' Happy Birthday, Pookie. :''[Pookie suddenly starts crying]'' :'''Eubie''': Oh, no. Pookie's crying. :'''Twinkle''': What happened to the "Goo ga-ga, kee-kee?" :'''Wayne''': Oopsie. Did we do something wrong? :'''Bitty''': No. It's not your fault, kids. Babies often cry when they wake up from their naps. Sometimes they just want be held. ''[picks up Pookie from her bed for comfort]'' Watch. There, there, Pookie-poo. Mommy's here. Everything's all right. :''[Pookie cries louder]'' :'''Kip''': She's still crying, Mom. {{line}} :'''Kip''': Poor Pookie. She's supposed to be happy on her birthday, not sad. :'''Twinkle''': If only there was some way we could make her smile. {{line}} :'''Wayne''': If Pookie doesn't stop crying, she won't have a happy birthday. And if Pookie doesn't have a happy birthday-- :'''Twinkle''': She'll have a sad birthday. ===''Balloon-a-palooza / Wayne's Day Out''=== ==''The Fran In the Moon''== ===''Me and My Shadow / Out to Sea''=== :'''Kip''': Give me that flag! :'''Twinkle''': ''[giggles]'' He thinks it's a game. :'''Kip''': But it's not a game. ''[annoyed]'' Uhh! Shadow, listen to me! Stop right now! :'''Eubie''': Um, Kip, Shadow's not stopping. :'''Wayne''': He's not doing ''anything'' you say. :'''Kip''': I know. What am I gonna do? {{line}} :'''Ms. Fern''': Down, Shadow! Down! :'''Kip''': Sorry, Ms. Fern. I tried to control Shadow all morning, but I guess I just can't. :'''Wayne''': This is awful! Our tower is toppled! Our classroom is a mess! :'''Twinkle''': There's dog slobber everywhere. :'''Wayne''': What are we gonna do? ===''Don't Wayne On My Parade / Twinkle's Terrific Twirl''=== ===''Wayne's Big, Big Discovery / Dirigible Day''=== ==''The Legend of Higgsquatch''== ===''Eubie's Big Boat Float / A Slippery Situation''=== ==''Higgly Island''== ===''Corn to Be Wild / Overnight Moose''=== ===''Shear Luck / Big Night Out''=== ===''Kip's Rocket Rescue / Let's Get Moving''=== :''[The Higgly kids arrive at Kip's grandparent's house with some boxes sitting in front]'' :'''Kip''': Grandpa-pa! Grandma-ma! :'''Grandpa-pa''': Hey there, Kip. :'''Grandma-ma''': It's so good to see you. :'''Kip''': It's good to see you, too. :'''Grandma-ma''': What brings you kids here today? :'''Kip''': We came up here to get some cardboard boxes so we can make a pizza palace for our backyard Higgly Biggly City. :'''Fripp''': Aw, sorry, Kip. But Grandpa-pa and Grandma-ma need all their cardboard boxes. Today is the day they're moving. :'''Eubie, Wayne & Twinkle''': Moving?! :'''Kip''': I knew you were moving, but I didn't know you were moving today. :'''Wayne''': But we don't want you to move away. :'''Kip''': Don't worry. They're not moving far away, just to a brand new house in another part of Higglytown. :'''Eubie, Wayne & Twinkle''': A brand-new house? {{line}} :'''Fripp''': ''[takes an old baseball glove off the shelf]'' Wow. There are so many memories down here. Hard to believe you're packing up and moving out of the house I grew up in. :'''Kip''': ''[finds a baby photo album and blows off the dust]'' What's this, Dad? :'''Fripp''': Hey, it's my baby photo album. I bet there's lots of great memories in there. :'''Kip''': ''[opens the photo album and finds a photo of Baby Fripp]'' Is that you, Dad? :'''Fripp''': It sure is. :'''Grandma-ma''': Why, that's your father back when he was a brand new, tiny baby. ''[turns the page to more Baby Fripp photos]'' :'''Eubie''': You sure were a cute baby, Mr. Kip's Dad. :'''Twinkle''': Yeah! You were a cutesy wootsey wootsey woo. :''[Everyone else laughs as Fripp frowns in embarrassment]'' :'''Grandma-ma''': Your dad used to like it when I'd say, "Gootchie gootchie wah wah." :'''Fripp''': Sorry, everyone, but we have to pack this, too. ===''Calling All Cars! / Amazing Museum''=== ===''Frozen Fish Follies / Look Who's Squawking''=== ===''Eubie's Pink Dots / Two Bees or Not Two Bees''=== ===''Wayne's Day to Shine / Wayne Listens Up''=== :'''Wayne''': ''[slips]'' Whoa, whoa! :''[Wayne knocks off the ladder then, the bottom of the ladder pushes the paint buckets]'' :'''All''': ''[gasp after they got paint all over themselves]'' Our Costumes! :'''Wayne''': Heh, whoopsie! ===''A Hopping Popping Problem / Hay Hay Hay!''=== ==''Season 3''== ===''Happy Campers / All Washed Out''=== ===''Hats All Folks / Hop Hop Hooray''=== ===''Shuffleboard Buddies / All Mapped Out''=== ===''12-Pie Abe / The Day the Dinner Stood Still''=== :'''Longest Beard Mike''': Look! Aliens from another planet! I told ya! Didn’t I tell ya?! I told ya! ===''Saturday Night Higgly / Monster Sandwiches''=== :'''Eubie''': ''[to Kip as Fripp continues hopping nonstop with the CD skipping]'' Um, Kip, what's wrong with your dad? :'''Wayne''': Yeah. Why won't he stop hopping? {{line}} :'''Kip''': Are you okay, Dad? :'''Fripp''': I'm fine. But look at this CD. It's covered with scratches. And without ''Freddy Fever Disco Beaver,'' my dancing days are over. :'''Wayne''': Say it isn't so! You practiced so hard. Plus, I skipped my toast break so I'd have extra room… for the Banana Horn! What are we gonna do?! :'''Eubie''': Um, get someone special to help us? {{line}} :'''Musician Hero #1''': ''♪ We're musicians, clap your hands / We play instruments in our band / Bringing you joy is our goal / With Rock / Jazz / Disco / And Soul! ♪'' :'''Musician Hero #2''': ''♪ We practice songs every day / 'Cause we love to sing and play / Note for note and beat to beat / You'll be dancing cheek to cheek ♪'' :'''Wayne''': Could you play some cool bebop for some hep cats and their pops? :'''Twinkle''': Could you whisk away the blues for a tortoise with the flu? :'''Musician Hero #1''': ''♪ Blues for reptiles, jazz for cats / Our music is where it's at ♪'' :'''Musician Hero #2''': ''♪ Music is a happy sound / Loved the whole wide world around ♪'' ===''The Big Pink Elephant Sale / Higglies On Horseback''=== ===''Easy to Get Sneezy / Unlock the Magic''=== :'''Plunkie''': Allergic is when you have a ''bad'' reaction to something. {{line}} :'''Jessi''': My wig! ''[laughs maniacally]'' MY WIG! ===''Buki Buki Boo Boo / Signs of Spring''=== ===''Wayne's Cycle Recycle / Wayne's Wet Pet''=== ===''X Marks the Spot! / Eubie's View''=== :''[Eubie is finishing up his painting of the beautiful sunset on the easel before going to bed]'' :'''Flappy''': Beautiful! ''[squawks]'' Beautiful! ''[whistles]'' :'''Eubie''': It sure is, Flappy. This might be the best sunset yet. :''[Aunt Mellie and Uncle Zooter enter his bedroom]'' :'''Uncle Zooter''': How's the painting… :'''Aunt Mellie''': Coming along? :'''Eubie''': Almost finished. There! All done! :'''Aunt Mellie''': ''[amazed]'' Why, Eubie, darling. :'''Uncle Zooter''': It's simply beautiful. :'''Flappy''': Beautiful! Beautiful! :'''Aunt Mellie''': But now… :'''Uncle Zooter''': It's time for you to go to bed. :'''Eubie''': Aw. :'''Uncle Zooter''': Don't worry, Eubie. There will be… :'''Aunt Mellie''': Another sunset tomorrow. ===''Wing-a-ding Whirly Box / Windy Watchers''=== ===''Choo Choo Zucchini / Something Ducky Going On''=== :''[The Higgly Kids gasp in surprise at their zucchini's enormous size when they enter the backyard]'' :'''Fran''': Oh, get your peppers around that! :'''Wayne''': Our little seed grew, grew, grew! :'''Kip''': Come on! Let's put in Eubie's wagon and take it to the show! :'''Eubie''': Uh-oh! I don't think Mr. Zucchini is going to fit in my wagon. :'''Fran''': Nope. That veggie's gonna need a special delivery. {{line}} :'''Wayne''': If we don't find something strong enough, fast enough, and big enough, we're never gonna get Mr. Zucchini to corn county in time for the Fruit and Veggie Spectacular. ===''Fripp's Flip-flap Flop / Say Cheese''=== :'''Wayne and Twinkle''': Uncle Lemmo?! :'''Uncle Lemmo''': Yep, I’m a Higglytown Hero. :'''All''': Wow! ===''Canyon Capers / Highcountry Hiccups''=== ==''Calling All Heroes''== :''[While setting up the party decorations in the backyard to celebrate Wayne's birthday, a flash of thunder and lightning strikes and a strong wind starts blowing away all the decorations]'' :'''Kip''': My hat! :'''Twinkle''': My tiara! :'''Wayne''': My pizza! :'''Twinkle''': Oh, no! :'''Plunkie''': Quickly, everybody! Help grab what you can and hop indoors before it starts to rain. {{line}} :'''Plunkie''': What a terrible storm! We should stay away from the window in case it rains. :''[Thunder and lightning strike from the dark grey clouds]'' :'''Twinkle''': Here comes the rain! :'''Plunkie''': I'm just glad we all managed to get indoors in time. :'''Kip''': Oh, no! Look at Pizza Guy! :''[Pizza Guy drives through the storm, steering out of control and pizza pellets fly out from the back of his van]'' :'''Eubie''': I hope Pizza Guy is okay. :'''Fran''': That was a close one. :'''Wayne''': But wait a second. I just thought of something. Didn't Pizza Guy say you're only supposed to add "one" drop of water to his pizza pellets? :'''Kip''': I think so. Why? :'''Wayne''': Because all of his pizza pellets just went flying out into the storm! What's gonna happen when those pellets get soaking wet?! {{line}} :''[After the horrible storm leaves Higglytown, Kip and Eubie reunite with their families]'' :'''Bitty''': Kip? :'''Kip''': Mom! :'''Aunt Millie''': Eubie! :'''Bitty''': Are you all right? :'''Aunt Millie''': We tried callin'. :'''Uncle Zooter''': But all the phones in town are dead. :'''Fripp''': Then we had to wait till the storm was over until we could head out. :'''Bitty''': Oh, we've been so worried! :'''Plunkie''': Don't worry. We've all been safe inside. ===''Happy Flappy Birthday / Cuckoo County Cawcaw Contest''=== ===''Little Big Fish / Good Sports''=== ===''Tis' the Season to Be Snowy / Bingo Bongos''=== :'''Fripp''': That’s one hippity-hop idea, Twinkle. But hopping cave hippos like to live in caves where it’s nice and quiet. Bringing them to a concert might hurt their ears. ===''Wayne's Toasty Invention / Spell It Safe''=== ==External Links== {{Wikipedia}} [[Category:American children's TV shows]] i64qjcll69owg9gg1ir4ivohy0w4k9t 0 262395 3778970 3777740 2025-07-15T01:52:45Z 2001:8003:DD49:F700:AC19:6EE6:7567:F756 /* My Freaky Valentine [4.08-10] */ 3778970 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''Seasons''': [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 1)|1]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 2)|2]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 3)|3 Enter the Shadow Realm]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)|4 Waking the Dragons]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 5)|5 Grand Championship and Dawn of the Duel]] | '''Movies''': [[Yu-Gi-Oh! The Movie: Pyramid of Light]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Dark Side of Dimensions|The Dark Side of Dimensions]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh!: Bonds Beyond Time|Bonds Beyond Time]] | [[Yu-Gi-Oh!|Main]] ---------------- The following is a list of quotes from the fourth season of '''''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'''''. ==Waking the Dragons Arc== ===''A New Evil'' [4.01-02]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Rex Raptor''': Ever hear of stepping aside?! :'''Weevil Underwood''': Yeah! What's your problem? :'''Gurimo''': The problem should be yours when I strip you two fools of your souls. :'''Rex Raptor''': Does the Grim Reaper know you've raided his wardrobe? :'''Gurimo''': ''[his eyes glow green, explaining the Orichalcos]'' ''Quod valedico vestrum animus.'' :'''Rex Raptor''': Say what?! :'''Weevil Underwood''': I-I think you just got him mad! :'''Gurimo''': Rise on your feet and Duel! ''[activates his Chaos Duel Disk and Weevil and Rex scream in terror off-screen]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Great deities of domination, I call upon thee. Use the pharaoh's force to penetrate the dominion of the beasts and liberate the fury of 10,000 years. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gurimo''': Your fate is now sealed. ====Part 2==== :'''Alister''': Looks like someone needs a rest. :'''Valon''': The boss warned us that the Egyptian God Cards and the magic of the Orichalcos might not mix so well, didn't he? :'''Alister''': I think that geezer's just getting too old for this. :'''Rafael''': Well, that's why we made him Duel first, right? To test the Pharaoh's strength. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Now why does all these weird stuff always happen to us? ''[Yugi is silent]'' You've gotta admit, it's true. :''[Rebecca runs up to meet Yugi]'' :'''Rebecca''': Yugi! ''[Hugs Yugi]'' :'''Yugi''': ''[Very surprised]'' Uh, hey....you! :'''Rebecca''': Oh no, don't tell me you forgot about me already! :'''Tristan''': Yet another weird event to add to the list. :'''Joey''': And this one tops them all. :'''Tristan''': It's probably best if we don't interfere! :'''Tea''': ''[Leaning towards Yugi]'' Do you know this person, Yugi? :'''Yugi''': Um, I don't think so. :'''Rebecca''': Maybe this will refresh your memory! ''[Holds up a card]'' :'''Yugi''': ''[After flashback]'' Ah, Rebecca! :'''Joey''': It's that brat! :'''Rebecca''': Hi! ''[Big smile; waves her hand]'' :'''Joey''': Wait, she looks different. Did she get a haircut or something? :'''Tristan''': No dude, she traded her teddy bear for glasses. :'''Rebecca''': ''[Hugs Yugi]'' I don't need a bear... now that I've got a boyfriend to protect me! :'''Tea''': Um, excuse me? A boyfriend!? :'''Rebecca''': ''[Another hug]'' My grandpa is also really excited to see you Yugi! :'''Yugi''': Professor Hawkins? :'''Rebecca''': Yeah, he's waiting at the Museum. :'''Tea''': Grrr... ''[Anime vein throb]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arthur''': Remarkable, Isn't it? :'''Solomon''': That's my boy. :'''Yugi''': Hey, guys! :'''Arthur''': Yugi Muto. You're just the person I need to see. I have a theory that all of these monster sightings have something to do with you. :'''Yugi''': Huh. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': Here we are, gang, Home, sweet home. :'''Rafael''': Wait til the boss hears we found the Pharaoh. ===''Legend of the Dragons'' [4.03]=== :'''Rafael''': We located the Pharaoh, Master. Unfortunately, we weren't able to capture his soul. :'''Dartz''': I didn't expect you to defeat him this soon. We've just begun. :'''Rafael''': But you know me, Master. I never come back empty handed. ''[walks forward with a small wooden box, and opens it to reveal the three Egyptian God Cards inside]'' :'''Dartz''': Excellent, the Egyptian Gods. ''[reaches out and takes the three cards in his hand]'' At long last. I've waited an eternity to hold their power in my hands. ''[the cards begin glowing]'' I finally possess the supreme force necessary to awaken the Great Beast! ''[walks to the altar at the far end of the temple]'' Soon we shall rid the Earth of mankind, and rebuild civilization as it once was! ''[places the Egyptian God Cards in the mouths of three huge stone serpents, with Ra in the middle, Slifer on the right and Obelisk on the left]'' Serpents of the Orichalcos, please hear my call! ''[raises his hands in worship]'' I offer thee the Gods of Egypt! Use their divine might to unlock the sacred chamber of the Great Beast! Awaken him from his ancient slumber by accepting my offering! :''[Dartz laughs evilly as the three cards emanate a powerful beam of energy, which then shoots up past the temple roof and into the sky, culminating in an explosion of white light which clears to reveal an array of multicoloured lights floating in the sky]'' :'''Dartz''': The time has arrived, my friends. Finally, after ten thousand years, the Great Leviathan shall rise again! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dark Magician Girl''': We’ve only just begun. The great beast is still weak so he retreated for the moment. And for that my companions and I are truly my Pharaoh. But many of us remain prisoners on the other side. :'''Yugi''': What’s next? :'''Dark Magician Girl''': The great beast will return again… and his power will grow! He must be stopped before he is fully restored! Time is running out! ===''The Creator Returns'' [4.04]=== :'''Dartz''': Rafael! :'''Rafael''': Yes, Master Dartz. ''[kneels before Dartz]'' I know what to do. I'll find the Pharaoh. And this time, I'll make sure we drain his power to feed the Great Beast, sir. :'''Dartz''': Why don't you try listening? It's really a wonderful skill. ''[turns around]'' And when you master it, you'll realise that we need more than just the Pharaoh's soul! :'''Alister''': Then we'll deal with the others too. I'll take Kaiba. :'''Valon''': I got my eye on someone too. That feisty little bloke Joey Wheeler. ''[laughs]'' He should be fun to take apart. :'''Alister''': I know why you're after Wheeler. :'''Valon''': Mind your own business, Alister! What about you? Why the sudden interest in Kaiba? :'''Alister''': Look, I have my reasons, Valon. :'''Valon''': Really?! :'''Rafael''': Knock it off! We're in the presence of Master Dartz! :'''Dartz''': The Pharaoh and his friends are on his way to speak with the one we've been watching. Just make certain that you reach him before they do. :'''Rafael''': Pegasus? :'''Dartz''': And to think, I called you a bad listener. Now go see Pegasus at once! :''[Alister and Valon join Rafael in kneeling before Dartz]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': I can’t believe the very monsters I made famous and now terrorising people around the world. Oh. Talk about bad publicity. :'''Mai Valentine''': Do you always talk to yourself like that? :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': ''[turns looks at the window shelf a strange figure is Mai Valentine]'' Huh? :'''Mai Valentine''': You got to get yourself some friends, honey. :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': But how did you get past my security? :'''Mai Valentine''': I guess your office isn’t as secure as you think it is, money bags. :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': I know you, you’re Mai Valentine. Tell me, why did you come here? :'''Mai Valentine''': Good question. I came here to duel you. And to take your soul. :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': '''NO!''' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Yugi and his friends at the airport]'' :'''Yugi''': I'll see you soon, Grandpa. :'''Solomon''': Take care, Yugi. And don't forget to keep your seats upright during takeoff. And don't fill up on peanuts. :'''Yugi''': Sure, bye, Grandpa. :'''Tea Gardner''': Well, we're off. :'''Joey Wheeler''': Thanks for the ride. :'''Solomon''': You kids be careful, now! :''[Weevil and Rex are sneaking to followed Yugi and his friends to hiding in the bag.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pegasus''': Kaiba boy! I missed you! ===''Deja Duel!'' [4.05-06]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Mokuba''': Seto, We're approaching Duelist Kingdom. :'''Seto''': I'll try to make this quick. The less time I spend here, the better. :'''Mokuba''': Me, too. This place has nothing but bad memories. :'''Seto''': Initiate the landing sequence now. :'''Mokuba''': You got it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pegasus''': I just haven't been myself lately. in fact... ''[in Alister's voice]'' I mean that quite literally. :'''Mokuba''': What's going on? :'''Alister''': Surprise! ''[chuckling]'' :''[he rips himself off, revealing Alister]'' :'''Alister''': I've waited for this day for a long time, Kaiba-boy. :'''Seto''': You're gonna pay for tricking me like that! :'''Alister''': ''[as Pegasus' voice]'' Pretty good imitation, right? :'''Seto''': Identify yourself. :'''Alister''': ''[normal voice]'' Alister's the name, Kaiba boy! Now let's duel! ''[activates his chaos duel disk and draws a card]'' Hm. ''[holds up "The Seal of Orichalcos" card]'' This magic card is about to change everything. Activating the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Seto''': What's that? :'''Mokuba''': This is nuts! :'''Seto''': Explain yourself now! :'''Alister''': Oh, as if you're gonna believe me? :'''Seto''': Try me. :'''Alister''': We're trapped in here till the duel's over. Then once I crush you, I'll be able to get out. Hmm. Of course, you on the other hand won't be quite as lucky as myself Kaiba boy. :'''Seto''': What do you mean? :'''Alister''': When you lose, your soul will be locked away for all eternity... But this time, you won't be set free! :''[To Be Continued...]'' ====Part 2==== :'''Alister''': Let's get on with this. I summon Gorlag in attack mode! And here's a little bonus. :'''Seto''': Your monster just got stronger! But how?! :'''Alister''': Remember the Seal of Orichalcos? As long as it stays active on the field, every one of my monsters gets 500 attack point boost. :'''Seto''': What?! :'''Alister''': You heard me. Plus, my Gorlag gets another 500 points for every fire monster on the field. :'''Seto''': There are none! :'''Alister''': Oh, no? What do you think my Gorlag's made of? Ready, Gorlag? Attack his Versago the Destroyer, now! ''[Gorlag attacks Seto's monster and it reappears on his side of the field]'' :'''Seto''': ''[thinking]'' What's that?! :'''Alister''': Did I forget to mention my Gorlag's ''other'' special ability? Every time he destroys one of my opponent's monsters, that very same monster reappears on ''my'' side of the field-- only this time, it becomes a creature of fire! And you remember what happens when a creature of fire is on the field, right? My Gorlag gets even stronger! It's over for you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alister''': It used to be my brother's! But I'll never see him again… 'cause your father took him away from me! <hr width="50%"/> ===''An Unexpected Enemy'' [4.07]=== :'''Rafael''': Someone out there likes to crash parties. Let's find out who. ''[drives off]'' :'''Valon''': I already know. And I know just where she's going too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Don't we get a "hi"? What's with the silent treatment, Mai. :'''Mai''': I'm not Mai. at least not the Mai you knew. :'''Joey''': What? :'''Mai''': You heard me. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#The Creator Returns (E.4)|she and Pegasus' duel at Industrial Illusions]], flashback ends.]'' Alright, gang. ''[holds up the card is Maximillion Pegasus' soul is captured by the Seal of Orichalcos]'' Say hello to Pegasus. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[shocked]'' What? :'''Tristan''': Whoa... Is that really him? :'''Téa''': Ah... Question: Did you do that to him? :'''Joey''': Look! You better start talking! :'''Valon''': ''[offscreen]'' or else what!? :'''Joey''': Huh? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Joey, Yami Yugi, Téa and Tristan spots at Valon and Rafael on top]'' :'''Valon''': What's the matter, Wheeler, did your little reunion with Mai not go as well as you expected it to do? ''[to Mai]'' And you! Why are you keeping these guys all for yourself, Mai? Why don't you show some manners and share the fun with us? :'''Mai''': Mind your own business, you lackey. These geeks are mine, so deal with it. :'''Joey''': Geeks!? But we're your friends, Mai. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_3)#One_for_the_Road|Joey and Mai after the battle city finals]]]'' Please, Mai! Tell me this is all a joke! You're on ''our'' side, remember?! :'''Tristan''': Great. Mai totally sold ''us'' out! :'''Téa''': No! Mai would never do that! Tell him. You're still ''our'' friend, right? :'''Yami Yugi''': Time to explain yourself. :'''Mai''': I was never a ''part'' of your little playgroup. And now I'm gonna break you apart one-by-one. ''[activates her chaos duel disk]'' And Wheeler… I'm starting with you! :'''Joey''': Fine! :'''Mai''': It's payback time, and it all starts, now! And to think, I was once pathetic enough to call you my friend. But now I know the truth! You were holding me back from achieving true power! So say hello to my real friend… THE SEAL OF ORICHALCOS! This card's done for me than you losers ever could! ''[activates the card, trapping Joey and herself in it]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': No! Not this! :'''Mai''': ''[chuckles sinisterly]'' If you're scared now, just wait till you lose. :'''Joey''': Wake up, Mai! This thing's nothing but bad news! It's messing up your head, big time! Don't you remember everything we've been through together? Just ditch that freaky card, and things can be the way they use to be! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': It's exactly as I feared. The Orichalcos controls her! This duel must end. :'''Téa''': Otherwise, she's gonna do the same thing to Joey that she did to Pegasus! ===''My Freaky Valentine'' [4.08-10]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Mai''': What are you waiting for, Wheeler? :'''Joey''': I'm waiting for you to come to your senses! :'''Tristan''': She's lost it. How can she side with the enemy?! :'''Téa''': It's all because of that Orichalcos thing! :'''Yami-Yugi''': Now, one of them will lose their soul. :'''Téa''': No, you can't do this! Don't you see you're letting that magic card control you, Mai! You're putting your own life in danger! :'''Yugi''': They can't go through with this! We've got to do something! :'''Yami-Yugi''': But the Puzzle is powerless against that seal. :'''Valon''': Ey, Pharaoh! Quit mumblin' to yourself down there, will ya? In case you didn't realize this last time, nothing can break the Seal of Orichalcos! Once it appears, it doesn't disappear until a soul's been captured! :'''Rafael''': And don't think you're off the hook, Pharaoh. As soon as the girl takes your friend's soul, I'm takin' ''yours''. :'''Mai''': Get back in your cage, gorilla boy! When I'm done with Wheeler… Yugi belongs to ''me!'' :'''Yami-Yugi''': But why? :'''Téa''': ''She's'' nuts! :'''Rafael''': I never liked her. No respect. Any more lip from Mai and she's next. :'''Valon''': Aw, give the girl a break, will ya? She's still new at all this, mate. Plus, she's kinda cute when she gets mad, don't ya think? :'''Rafael''': Uh, no. :'''Mai''': When are you gonna make your move, hotshot? This year would be nice. :'''Joey''': What did I say?! ''I'm'' not gonna duel ''against'' you, Mai! :'''Mai''': Afraid you're not good enough? Afraid you're gonna lose like you did in Battle City?! I shoulda known you'd back down! :'''Joey''': Actually, I'm afraid I'm gonna win. 'Cause if I do… You're gonna pay for it by givin' up your soul! :'''Mai''': I have no soul! :'''Téa''': ''[shocked by what she said]'' You hear that?! :''[Valon whistles]'' :'''Mai''': I told you, the Mai you knew is gone! I traded in her soul for power! The old Mai was too lonely and pathetic. The girl was just holding me back. So I did what I had to! I sent her packing! Now, my weak side's gone for good! :'''Joey''': Well, I happen to have liked the old Mai and I'm gonna get her back! :'''Mai''': I'd like to see you try! :''[Joey activated his duel disk]'' :'''Tristan''': He's gonna go through with this?! :'''Téa''': Be careful, Joey! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mai activates her Nightmare Tri-Mirror trap card to transform the reflection of Joey's Scapegoats into four more Harpie Ladies, thus giving her a total of six Harpies]'' :'''Tristan''': Wait just a second, she can't have six monsters in play! :'''Yami-Yugi''': Remember, Tristan, thanks to the Seal of Orichalcos, Mai is allowed to have up to ''ten'' monsters on the field at once. :'''Tristan''': D'oh! Stupid magic thing! :'''Mai''': Now this is what I call, "girl power!" You're up against six Haripe Ladies all enhanced with the power of my magic card! I place one card facedown on the field. It was nice knowin' ya! I've got six Harpie Ladies and one big magic circle, and we all agree you're in over your head, Wheeler. Lucky for you, it's your move or I'd finish you off right now. So what's it gonna be? :'''Tristan''': There's nothing he can do! Mai backed Joey into a corner and now he's stuck there! :'''Yugi''': Tristan's got a point. If Joey doesn't do something quick, Mai is gonna win the duel! :'''Yami-Yugi''': That's true. And as long as the Seal of Orichalcos is on the field, Mai has all sorts of advantages. It even seems as though there are certain magic and trap cards that only she is allowed to use. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': I summon Panther Warrior in attack mode! Now, I sacrifice one scapegoat so my panther can attack! :'''Mai''': I reveal my facedown card! Harpie Lady Sparrow Formation! :'''Joey''': What?! :'''Mai''': My Harpie Ladies have all joined forces to repel your attack! :'''Tristan''': Mai didn't have that card back in Battle City. :'''Téa''': You're right. :'''Yami-Yugi''': It seems as though she's gone through more than a few changes since the last time we saw her-- including a stronger deck! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Look, Mai... I don't know what kind of spell these guys put on ya but you gotta wake up! Otherwise we're both gonna be in pretty big trouble! :'''Mai''': What spell!? No one's controlling me! ''[looks up on Valon and Rafael]'' Those two lackeys up there couldn't control my left pinky. ''I'' was sick of my life... So I ''chose'' to change it! :''[Téa, Tristan and the Pharaoh gasps and horrifying]'' :'''Joey''': ''[shocked]'' No way! :'''Téa''': How could you!? :'''Mai''': You guys wouldn't understand. You've never been an outsider like me... All alone. Duel monsters is all I have. And after [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 3)|the Battle City tournament]], I set out to become the best. I duel against chump after chump to improve my dueling skills. I needed to make a name for myself. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': I stopped whining like a loser and started taking control! Now nothing can stop me! :'''Joey''': I never knew you felt that way. Why didn't you tell us you were so unhappy? We could've helped you, Mai! :'''Mai''': SAVE IT! I don't need your kind of help! All I need now is power! And I'm about to unleash all of it on ''you!'' ''[draws]'' I play Harpie Lady Phoenix Formation! Since I have six Harpies on the field, it lets me destroy up to six of your monsters! :'''Tristan''': Hold on! Joey's only got three left! :'''Téa''': That means once Mai's Harpie Ladies attack, he'll be defenseless! :'''Yami-Yugi''': That's not all. Mai's magic card will also subtract the sum of Joey's monsters' attack points from ''his'' Life Points. :'''Mai''': Now, Harpie Ladies… unite and destroy every one of his monsters! Say goodbye to your three monsters, Wheeler! Someone is one attack away from losing their soul and I don't think it's me, sweetheart. Any last requests? :'''Tristan''': Mai's got 4000 points! She hasn't even lost one! And Joey's down to his last 200! Not to mention the fact that he's out of monsters! :'''Téa''': If he doesn't think of something right now, he's gonna lose the duel! ====Part 2==== :'''Yugi''': There is a way for Joey to end this duel without someone getting hurt, isn't there? :'''Yami-Yugi''': Yes, but it won't be easy. The Seal of Orichalcos is powerful. However, it does have limitations. It can only capture a soul when a duelist loses, and there it lies the secret to escaping its wrath. :'''Yugi''': I don't get it. :'''Yami-Yugi''': Let's hope Joey does. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': ''[spots at Weevil and Rex outside]'' It's a regalia party, What are you guys doing here? :'''Weevil''': It's that magic circle! :'''Rex''': Yeah! The same one we were trapped in! :'''Mai''': I sacrifice my two Harpies! That allows me to summon Harpie's Pet Dragon! And thanks to the Seal of Orichalcos, it gets 500 more points! Plus, it gets another 300 points for every Harpie I have on the field! :'''Yami-Yugi''': Now it has 3,400 points! :'''Mai''': It's been nice knowing ya, Wheeler! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Joey picked his own trap card in the middle, canceling Mai's attack]'' :'''Joey''': YEAH! Bingo, baby! :'''Tristan''': I knew he could do it! :'''Téa''': You go! :'''Weevil''': Now that's luck. :'''Rex''': Yeah, next time I play Bingo, I'm bringin' him! :'''Valon''': Well, there goes your theory. :'''Joey''': Looks like your last attack didn't work. So I'm still in the game! :'''Mai''': For now, maybe. :'''Téa''': That's cool. At least Joey bought himself a little time. :'''Yami-Yugi''': Yes, but it did come with a price, Téa. :'''Mai''': Impressive. But your little maneuver helped me out, too. :'''Joey''': Yeah, I know. Now you get to put the two cards you picked at the top of your deck. :'''Téa''': Oh, no! Now she can use those two cards again! :'''Yami-Yugi''': Harpie Lady Phoenix Formation and Harpie Sparrow Formation. Those are two of Mai's most powerful cards! :'''Mai''': You may have stopped my attack but my turn's not over. Next, I'll move one of my Harpie Ladies to my rear defense. And then, I'll place two cards facedown and end my turn. :'''Joey''': ''[thinking]'' I've got one more shot to do this, but I'm all out of ideas! ====Part 3==== :'''Rafael''': Valon, what are you doing!? :'''Valon''': With this fragment of the Orichalcos stone… I unlock the seal! :'''Rafael''': No! ''[jumps down]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami-Yugi''': Joey, are you alright. Joey! :'''Tristan''': Oh man. :'''Téa''': Why did he do that? :'''Rafael''': What were you thinking, Valon? You betrayed Master Dartz and risked your own soul! And you mean to tell me you did all that so you just saved some girl, Valon. :'''Valon''': She's not just some ''girl'', Rafael! :'''Rafael''': Would ''you'' listen to yourself, Valon!? ''[growls]'' I'll make up for this… By taken ''your'' soul, Pharaoh. The power around my neck puts your Puzzle to shame. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami-Yugi''': Joey! :'''Tristan''': You're okay, man! :'''Téa''': Joey! :'''Tristan''': Don't give up on us now. :'''Téa''': Joey. :'''Joey''': Where's Mai? Did those punks take her? :'''Téa''': I guess so. :'''Tristan''': Yeah. She gone. :'''Joey''': ''[gasps]'' Oh no, I was so close. ''[groans]'' I'LL GET YOU BACK, MAI! ===''The Challenge'' [4.11]=== :'''Seto Kaiba''': No way! My mind must be playing tricks on me! :'''Joey Wheeler''': I doubt that. My card seens to be doing the same thing, Kaiba! :'''Yami Yugi''': It feels as though these three dragons are calling out to us. :'''All''': Uhh! :'''Yami Yugi''': I was told that fate had chosen three modern-day warriors to release these legendary beasts. :'''Kaiba''': Chosen by fate? Get real. I'm the one who decides my fate, Yugi! Not some fairy tale about mythical dragons and giant man-eating monsters. :'''Yami Yugi''': Be reasonable for once! The world needs us! We do this as a team! :'''Kaiba''': Sorry... I don't do the teamwork thing. :'''Yami Yugi''': Listen! :'''Kaiba''': You geeks have wasted enough of my time already. I have a multi-million dollar company to run. Playtime's over. :'''Yami Yugi''': Kaiba! :'''Mokuba''': Seto.... wait up! :'''Joey''': We don't need him weighing us down anyway. With good old Hermos over here those hoodlums won't stand a chance. :'''Tristan''': Someone's back to their old self again. About time. :'''Joey''': It took me a while, but I realized being bummed out about Mai's not gonna bring her back. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': ''[angrily]'' What were ''you'' thinking?! I was just about to finish off Wheeler, and then you had butt in and ruin everything! :'''Rafael''': You're a real piece a work. He saved your soul, and this is how you repay him? :'''Mai''': Who asked to be saved?! Maybe next time, He'll learn to butt out! :'''Rafael''': Next time... We'll just let you lose. :'''Valon''': That's enough, mate, I'm fine! :'''Mai''': Yeah, Clam up, or you'll end up just like your friend here. :'''Rafael''': ''[stands up]'' ''You'' have no idea the danger you were in. :'''Mai''': Huh? :'''Rafael''': Do you remember that Hermos card Wheeler played? It's an ancient dragon that can only be controlled by a chosen duelist. :'''Mai''': Ha! Yeah, ''he'' was chosen all right! Chosen to have that scrawny butt of his kicked by a real duelist! Humph. ''[hops on Valon's motorcycle]'' Later, losers! ''[droves off]'' :'''Valon''': Hey, wait! That's mine! ''[coughs]'' :'''Mai''': ''[thinking]'' ''You'' won't escape me this time, Wheeler. :'''Valon''': I can't let Mai get hurt. I gotta stop her. :'''Rafael''': Forget about her, Valon. Let's focus on the Pharaoh. :'''Valon''': But Master Dartz said to wait. :'''Rafael''': Yeah, Well, Master Dartz doesn't always know what's best. I should take the strongest soul first. Once I get him out of the way, The others will fall right into my hands, one by one. :'''Valon''': But how do you know the Pharaoh will duel? :'''Rafael''': Because my plan is already in place. It's only a matter of time. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': A duel monster's card? ''[spots a note from Rafael and gasps]'' GRANDPA! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': You sure this is the place? :'''Yugi''': Professor Hawkins! Rebecca! :'''Rebecca''': Yugi. :'''Yugi''': Rebecca. What happened here? :'''Rebecca''': ''[in tears]'' Yugi… they tooked him. ''[starts to cries]'' My poor Grandpa! ''[sobbing]'' It’s not fair! He didn’t hurt anyone! :'''Yugi''': We’re gonna find him… I promise. :'''Rebecca''': Thank you. Who would do something like this?! <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi''': Oh, no! How far away is [[w:Death Valley|Death Valley]]? :'''Rebecca''': Well if we use Duke's car, it shouldn’t take us more than an hour or so. :'''Yugi''': Sorry, Rebecca… But I have to go alone. :'''Rebecca''': Why? :'''Yugi''': I’ve put you and your family in enough danger already. :'''Rebecca''': Uh-uh. Don’t be silly, Yugi. None of this is your fault at all. :'''Yugi''': Thanks, Rebecca. But It’s me they want, and you’ll be much safer here. And please, don’t tell Joey, Tristan, Téa and the other guys where I’m about to go, OK? :'''Rebecca''': But why? :'''Yugi''': I don’t want them to follow me there. :'''Weevil''': Interesting. :'''Rex and Weevil''': ''[looks at each other]'' Hmm? <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi''': Ready, Copernicus. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arthur''': Rebecca, Where's Yugi? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': We’ll keep an eye out on Rex and Weevil, I don’t trust those two. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Weevil''': We can't miss the showdown between Yugi and those guys. I have to find out how they made Mai into such a strong duelist. :'''Rex''': Can't we take a quick snack break? :''[Weevil and Rex spots Yami Yugi riding on Copernicus]'' :'''Weevil''': It's Yugi, he's getting ahead! :'''Rex''': No put the pedal to the metal! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': ''[looks after her grandfather was asleep and holds Ties of Friendship card what Yugi gives her]'' Be careful, Yugi. Please. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': I'm ready for you, Pharaoh. Thanks to my deck... and the power it holds. ===''Fate of the Pharaoh'' [4.12-14]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Rafael''': Very impressive, cowboy, But You'll need more than a few rodeo tricks to get yourself outta this. ''[Pharaoh crossing the bridge]'' You see, While my associates are satisfied with stealing the souls of your friends, I'm not. :'''Yami Yugi''': I did my part. Now you release the Professor Arthur Hawkins as you promised. :'''Rafael''': He's already been set free, but since you've come all this way, you might as well stay awhile. ''[?]'' So you're gonna stick around, right? 'Cause like I said before, Pharaoh, your friends aren't good enough. I need to capture the soul of the pharaoh himself so I can save the world. :'''Yami Yugi''': Save the world? Don't you see that what you're doing is going to ''destroy'' the world? or are you so insane that you can't tell the difference? :'''Rafael''': I'm just fine. It's you who's blind to what's going on. You're fighting on the wrong side. :'''Yami Yugi''': Explain yourself. :'''Rafael''': This world's a dark and lonely place to live. It's been poisoned by mankind. All I'm trying to do is fix what's been ruined by people like you, and I'll do it by locking your spirit away for good. :'''Yami Yugi''': Who do you think you are? :'''Rafael''': Look, The name's Rafael, and I called you here to duel, not shoot the breeze. I've waited for this moment long enough and I have no intention of putting our fight off for another minute, so let's go. :'''Yami Yugi''': You've given me no choice. But know this, in the end righteousness will prevail and justice shall be served. ''[activates his KC mass production duel disk]'' :'''Rafael''': That's just what I'm hoping for. ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' :'''Pharaoh and Rafael''': Let's duel! ''[their life points to 4000]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rex Raptor''': Hey Weevil, Check it out. :'''Weevil Underwood''': Yugi started dueling already. ====Part 2==== :'''Rafael''': Well, for starters, He's a better leader than you were. That's right Pharaoh. My master told me all about your history as the king of Eqypt; How you ruled as an evil dictator using the power of the shadow realm to control your subjects. :'''Yami Yugi''': Wake up. ''He'' lied. :'''Rafael''': How would you know? You have no memory of your past. So isn't it possible that you're responsible for the destruction of Egypt?! Think about it! :'''Yami Yugi''': It can't be. I know I was a worthy pharaoh. I'm the one who locked the dark magic away! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh, no! :'''Yami Yugi''': Let go! :'''Yugi''': No! You don't know what you're doing! :'''Yami Yugi''': Let go! :'''Yugi''': Listen to me! This card is affecting your mind! :'''Yami Yugi''': We're going to lose the duel! Can't you see?! Trust me! It's the only way, Yugi! We must do this! Now let me go! :'''Yugi''': Please don't play that card! :'''Yami Yugi''': Now I activate the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Rafael''': ''[thinking]'' ''Excellent''. :''[The Pharaoh activates the card]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''What have I done?'' :'''Yugi''': No! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Do you guys see what I see!? :'''Tristan''': Is that light what I think it is!? :'''Joey''': The Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Rafael''': Nice work, Pharaoh. I knew you had it in you. Now, let's see what the Orichalcos reveals about you. Are you good or are you evil? So, tell me. How do ya feel? ''[laughing]'' :''[To Be Continued...]'' ====Part 3==== :'''Yami Yugi''': What have you done to my dragon!? :'''Rafael''': It's not what I've done.... It's what ''you've'' done by playing that magic card. Guess I should warned ya. Timaeus and the Orichalcos don't mix. But at least your dark side's been set free. :'''Yami Yugi''': What have I unleashed? ''[screaming]'' You were a fool to hand me this card! For when you lose, you soul will be for all eternity where it belongs! Now I activate Hand Control! All I need to do is correctly guess the name of a card in your hand and I can activate it! And since I gave you the necromancy card, I know you're holding it! Now it's mine! Ha! Necromancy allows me to bring four monsters back from my graveyard! So return to me Big Shield Gardna... Berfomet... Gazelle the king of mythical beasts... and Kuribabylon! Next I'll sacrifice Gazelle and Berfomet so I can summon my Dark Magician! Then I'll separate my Kuribabylon into the five Kuriboh brothers I used to create it! Now my monsters, feel the power of the orichalcos! <hr width50%> :'''Yugi''': Hey, where am I? The Seal of Oricahlcos! No! ''He'' played it! What have you done, Pharaoh? <hr width50%> :'''Joey''': YUGI! :'''Tristan''': No way, dude! :'''Joey''': What's going on? Why's that oricahlcos thingy on Yugi's forehead. :''[Joey, Tristan and Duke jumped in next Weevil and Rex.]'' :'''Rex''': You guys just missed the best part. :'''Duke''': Yeah? Then why don't you two fill us in. :'''Tristan''': I don't trust these twerps as far as I can throw 'em. :'''Joey''': Hey! ''[grubs Weevil]'' My best buddy's got that freaky ding on his head and I want answers now! :'''Weevil''': Why don't you take your paws off of me and try asking nicely! :'''Joey''': Wrong answer. Now it's go time! :'''Weevil''': Don't hurt me, Don't hurt me... :'''Rex''': It's the Seal of Oricahlcos! :'''Weevil''': ...Don't hurt me, Don't hurt me... :'''Rex''': Yugi got it from that big muscle guy and then activated it! :'''Weevil''': ...Don't hurt me, Don't hurt me. :''[Joey lets go off Weevil and he, Tristan and Duke gasps sees Yami Yugi faces Rafael and he using that evil spell card in horrified and Weevil panting.]'' :'''Joey''': Yugi ''wouldn't'' do that! He knows that card is ''evil!'' :''[The Pharaoh growls as the Orichalcos appears on his forehead]'' <hr width50%> :'''Weevil''': Alright, guys, If Yugi loses I call dibs on his Dark Magician. :'''Rex''': That's not cool. Why don't you show some compassion for a change... and let me take his Dark Magician. :'''Joey''': Watch it! <hr width50%> :'''Joey''': That doesn't sound like to Yugi I know. Come on pal... Snap out of it! <hr width50%> :''[In the far corners of Yugi's subconscious mind]'' :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh, NO! The Seal of Orichalcos is in play! So the monsters on the field are real! Please don't sacrifice the Dark Magician Girl! <hr width50%> :'''Tristan''': Earth to Joey, are you there, man? :'''Joey''': I'm here, but Yug's not. he's brainwashed! :'''Tristan''': Say what?! :''[Duke gasps]'' :'''Joey''': He's sacrificing his monsters left and right and talking about "power." That's not Yugi's style a duelin' at all! That oricahlcos ding is messin' with his head! Just like it did to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|Mai!]] :''[In the far corners of Yugi's subconscious mind]'' :'''Yugi''': ''[in tears]'' How could ''he'' do this? That card is evil. I warned him. <hr width50%> :'''Rafael''': You let your rage take over. Now look into the eyes of your monsters! :'''Yami Yugi''': Please forgive me for what I've done to you! <hr width50%> :'''Rafael''': Guardian Eatos, destroy his monsters and the rest of his life points! <hr width50%> :'''Yami Yugi''': '''NO!''' :'''Rex''': No way! Yugi actually lost! :'''Duke''': This can't be! :'''Tristan''': Oh man! :'''Joey''': Yugi! :''[In the far corners of Yugi's subconscious mind]'' :'''Yugi''': If he lost the duel. Then he'll loses his soul! :'''Rafael''': ''[laughing]'' Time for you to pay up, Pharaoh. The Seal of Oricahlcos never leaves the field without taking something along for the ride. And this time it's you, and you have yourself to blame 'cause you sealed your own fate when you played that card. Now your life-force will awaken the Great Beast. :''[In the far corners of Yugi's subconscious mind]'' :'''Yugi''': Not if I can help! With all the power of the Millennium Puzzle, I break the Seal! <hr width50%> :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh, I won't let his happen to you! :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi, no! What are you doing here!? :'''Yugi''': It only needs one of us. So I'm letting the Seal take ME instead. :'''Yami Yugi''': NO! YUGI! <hr width50%> :'''Rafael''': Adios, Your Highness. :''[The Pharaoh collapses]'' :'''Joey''': Hey! You alright pal!? :'''Weevil''': I doubt it. :'''Rex''': Yeah Ditto. :'''Duke''': This is nuts. :'''Tristan''': Come on, pal. :'''Joey''': Yugi, Get up! Please, Yug! :'''Rafael''': You won't be needing these anymore. <hr width50%> :'''Weevil''': Ha! Hey, Rex. :'''Rex''': I know exactly what you're thinking. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Pharaoh wakes up]'' :'''Tristan''': He's awake! :'''Joey''': I knew you outsmart that big goon. So How'd ya Yug, How did you escape. ''[sees the Pharaoh crying]'' Everything alright pal? :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[in tears]'' No, Joey. It's far from alright. I didn't outsmart him. He succeeded. Yugi's gone. :'''Joey/Tristan/Duke''': Whoa! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Great Leviathan, Please accept my latest offering. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': I don't get it. How can you be talkin' to us if ''he'' took your soul? :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[in tears]'' Not mine! Yugi's! IT'S ALL MY FAULT! YUGI, COME BACK! IT SHOULD'VE BEEN ME, NOT HIM! IT'S NOT FAIR! ===''Trial by Stone'' [4.15]=== :''[Rex and Weevil followed Rafael on the helicopter]'' :'''Rex''': He's getting away! We have to get our hands on one of those orichalcos magic cards. Just a little more! :'''Rex and Weevil''': ''[screaming]'' :'''Rex''': This is all your fault! Help! Mommy, I'm falling! :'''Rafael''': Oh, great. :'''Rex and Weevil''': Huh?! phew. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tea''': How'd it go? Is everything OK? :'''Joey''': Not quite. We got a problem guys. :'''Tea''': What do you mean? :'''Duke''': Yugi didn't win. :'''Tristan''': He's gone. :'''Tea''': Wha- :'''Tristan''': You heard me. Yugi got beat, Tea! :'''Tea''': You're wrong! If Yugi really lost that duel, those creeps would have taken his soul with their freaky magic card, Tristan! :'''Joey''': So what's your point, Tea? :'''Tea''': My point!? If he's lost how can he be standing right... ''[gasps and turns around looks at the Pharaoh]'' behind me? Oh no. :'''Rebecca''': Yugi, talk to me. What's wrong!? Why are you acting so strange!? :'''Yami Yugi''': Rebecca, they got him. :'''Rebecca''': Got who? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi. ''[Flashes back to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|their last duel as the Seal took Yugi instead]].]'' I know. This whole thing's my fault. I'm the one who unleashed the magic that took Yugi away. :'''Rebecca''': You knew that card was evil and you still played it!? If you really were a brave pharaoh, you would never have done something like that to poor, little Yugi! :'''Tea''': Now hold on. :'''Rebecca''': Oh, Tea! ''[sobbing]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm afraid Rebecca's right. :'''Tea''': Huh? :'''Joey''': What's done is done. :'''Yami Yugi''': I let everyone down. Especially Yugi. He warned me not to play the Seal of Oricalcos card, but my rage took control. ''[Flashes back to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|their first duel, the Pharaoh activated The Seal of Oricalcos card]].]'' He paid for my mistake. :'''Joey''': You got to ''snap'' outta this! :'''Yami Yugi''': He's gone, and it's all my fault. :'''Joey''': Get a grip, man! :'''Téa''': Joey! :'''Joey''': If we're gonna rescue Yugi, We gotta move ahead, not look back, So pull yourself together! What we gotta do now is find out who this Dartz guy is and where ''he'' keeps all these souls! :'''Duke''': I've been suggesting we do that since day one, but nobody listens to me. :'''Tristan''': Stop thinking about yourself for once, Duke! :'''Duke''': Down, boy. Heel! :'''Yami Yugi''': Let him go, Tristan! :'''Tristan''': Huh? :'''Yami Yugi''': This happened because I couldn't control my anger, and if we keep fighting amongst ourselves, the orichalcos will destroy us. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': You’re about to meet our master, so don’t anything to stupid. :'''Alister''': Yeah, He doesn’t have as much patience as we do. :'''Rex and Weevil''': gulped. :''[They opened the door]'' :'''Rafael''': Mission accomplished, Master. :'''Weevil''': We're gonna become super villains. :''[Rex and Weevil giggling]'' :'''Rafael''': You'll be happy to know the strongest soul on Earth has been captured, Master Dartz. :'''Dartz''': Ah, yes. The Pharaoh. :'''Weevil''': Pharaoh? :'''Rex''': What pharaoh? :'''Dartz''': Unfortunately, you failed again. ''[chair turns around wears a suit]'' :'''Valon''': ''[walks in with an arm in sling]'' That's right. The soul of the Pharaoh is still out there, Rafael. :'''Rafael''': ''[shocked]'' What?! :'''Alister''': ''[shocked]'' Huh?! :'''Dartz''': Now watch and learn. :''[Weevil whimping]'' :'''Rex''': What's that? :'''Dartz''': The Pharaoh's [[w:Rebirth|spirit inhabits the body]] of a young man. And what we have here is a clear case of mistaken identity. :''[Camera zooming towards image of Yugi Muto in stone]'' :'''Rex''': ''[shocked]'' No way! :'''Weevil''': ''[shocked]'' Yugi?! :'''Valon''': Instead of the Pharaoh, ''you'' got the soul of some kid! :'''Rafael''': I still don't understand. :'''Dartz''': Then you need to clean out your ears, you oversized baboon. Both of their spirits inhabit one body! Get it!? ''You'' captured the wrong soul! :'''Rafael''': But how!? I’m pretty sure ''I'' was dueling the Pharaoh! So the Orichcalos should have sealed him! :'''Dartz''': Well, apparently you're not as perceptive as you think you are because ''he'' got away! :'''Rafael''': That Punk! :'''Dartz''': There's no ''one'' to blame but ''yourself''! :'''Rafael''': I can fixed this, If you’ll let me. :'''Weevil''': Hey! :'''Valon, Dartz, Rafael and Alister''': ''[spots at Rex Raptor and Weevil Underwood]'' Huh? :'''Weevil''': Let's go! :'''Rex''': Go where? :''[Rex and Weevil run to Valon, Dartz, Rafael and Alister and knees on]'' :'''Weevil''': Might I suggest something, sir? :'''Rex''': Like a better hideout? :'''Weevil''': Quiet! ''[bangs Rex's head]'' :'''Rex''': Ow! I'm just trying to be helpful. :'''Dartz''': Who are these two? :'''Rex''': Haven't you heard of us? Former regional duel monsters champions? :'''Rafael''': They're just a couple of wanna-be duelists who followed us here. They probably never even played the game. :'''Weevil''': Never played the game?! :'''Rex''': Wanna-bes?! We're great duelists, but we came here to become even better. :'''Weevil''': Yugi and his friends have been making fools of us for years. ''[flashbacks to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 1)#The Ultimate Great Moth|Yugi and Weevil's duel with the Summoned Skull and The Great Moth in defeat,]] and then [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 1)#Trial by Red-Eyes|Joey and Rex's duel with a Time Wizard and Red Eyes Black Dragon in defeat]] at Duelist Kingdom. flashback ends]'' Before ''they'' showed up, we ''ruled the duels.'' But lately it seems like we're just the butt of everyone's jokes. :'''Rex''': And no ''one'' likes being a butt. :'''Weevil''': Uh, What he means is, we want nothing more than to have our revenge. So, please, mister Dartz, sir, share your dueling secrets with us and we'll help you get what you want. :'''Rex''': Please! :'''Dartz''': It won't be easy. The Pharaoh and his little friends wield the power of the legendary dragons. How do you intend to fight against cards like those? :'''Weevil''': That's exactly why we need your help, sir. :'''Rex''': Yeah, Weevil and I need the seal of orichalcos. :'''Dartz''': You know, Before I share my power with you, I have to make sure you're worthy. :'''Weevil''': Give us a chance to prove it. :'''Rex''': We'll do anything. :'''Dartz''': Very well. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Deliver to me the soul of the Pharaoh and his companion young Joseph Wheeler. The Orichcalos is with you. Used it correctly and victory is yours. :'''Rex and Weevil''': Yes, sir. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Back inside the caravan]'' :'''Joey''': So they wanna rule the world. We've dealt with that before. :'''Yami Yugi''': No, Joey, this time things are different. :'''Tristan''': Yeah, They're not just talking about wiping out all life on earth, they're doing it! :'''Joey''': But we know how to stop 'em. :'''Tristan''': Huh? :'''Joey''': We got to go straight to the source and destroy that secret weapon of theirs. :'''Tea''': You mean [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Legend_of_the_Dragons|that weird monster-zapper in the sky?]] :'''Tristan''': Unfortunately, that thing's after more than just monsters. it's using human souls to power itself up so it can wipe out the rest of us. :'''Joey''': Yeah, and right now that thing's got Yugi, so I don't know about you, but I'm not gonna stand here twiddling my thumbs. I'm gonna take action. :'''Tea''': Look, Joey, I wanna help Yugi too, but we can't just fight this thing by ourselves. We need help. :'''Rebecca''': No, Tea. :'''Tea''': Huh? :'''Rebecca''': In case you forgot, Those jerks burned down my grandpa's laboratory and destroyed all his research. And without any hard evidence, there's no way anyone's gonna believe our story. :'''Tea''': But we have proof. It's all down in those underwater ruins. :'''Rebecca''': Whatever was there won't be of any help to us now. The ruins are gone, guys. :'''Tea''': Someone ruined the ruins? :'''Duke''': They're one step ahead of us. :'''Arthur''': ''[opens the door]'' Don't give up so easily. :'''Rebecca''': Gramps, you're awake. :'''Tea''': Yeah, shouldn't you be resting? :'''Arthur''': I'll be fine. Anyway who could sleep with you kids chit chatting all day? Besides, I can help you find the information you need. You're right about looking to the ruins for answers. :'''Yami Yugi''': So did you discover anything more about these thugs? :'''Arthur''': Well, I can't be sure, but based on the inscriptions I found, there's a good chance these fellows are descendants of Atlantis, an ancient continent said to have disappeared into the ocean thousands of years ago without a trace. :'''Tea''': Are you sure? :'''Duke''': Professor, If your hunch is right, Why would these people want to destroy what was left of their ancestors' city? :'''Arthur''': They must be trying to hide something. Those ruins revealed the history of Atlantis, and it's not a pleasant one. They must what to keep it a secret. :'''Yami Yugi''': How much of this history do you know? :'''Arthur''': Thousands of years ago, Atlantis was home to the most advanced civilization the world had ever known. It truly was a paradise on earth, a land of eternal tranquility where everyone lived in peace until one day, when a dreadful creature was called forth from the depths of the earth by an evil king. :'''Yami Yugi''': An evil king? Oh, no. ''[Flashes back to their first duel, Rafael told Pharaoh heard about the Pharaoh are the one responsible for the destroy Egypt.]'' :'''Tea''': ''[worried]'' What's wrong? Are you OK? :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm fine. :'''Arthur''': It seems this power hungry king drew his evil strength from a mysterious stone, and this stone drew it's strength from another world. :'''Joey''': It's that rock they wear on their neck, Isn't it? :'''Arthur''': I'm not sure. That's all I was able to translate. :'''Joey''': NO! :'''Tristan''': Chill out, man. you'll blow a gasket. :'''Joey''': You guys don't get it, do you? Those Atlantis freaks are trying to cover something up about this ancient mega-monster. :'''Duke''': Of course. There was probably something written in those ruins about how to destroy that thing before it destroys us. :'''Tristan''': I get it. Hey, Joey, I guess you had your good idea for the year. :'''Arthur''': The ruins may have been destroyed, but there are copies of the inscriptions at a museum. It's in [[Florida]], where I was doing my underwater research. :'''Tea''': Perfect. So all we have to do is go there and translate the rest. :'''Arthur''': Mm-hmm. :'''Joey''': What are we waiting for? Let's head to sunshine state and find out the secret to defeating these guys and saving Yugi, right? :'''Tristan''': I'm right behind ya, man! Goodbye to Death Valley, Hello to fun in the sun. :'''Duke''': That's great. Just one question: How are we supposed to get there? :'''Tristan''': We're doomed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kaiba''': ''[after hearing what happened to Yugi over the phone]'' YUGI LOST?! Yugi gave up his Duel Monsters crown to some nobody?! No one deserves that title but me! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[calmly]'' Hold on. :'''Kaiba''': I don't wanna hear another word! You're a disgrace to the game, Yugi! ''[hangs up]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': I'll book our flights and we'll take a train to the airport. I just hope we can save Yugi before it's too late. ===''On the Wrong Track'' [4.16-18]=== ====Part 1==== :''[at the train station]'' :'''Téa''': How this train ride anyway? :'''Joey''': Too long. :'''Téa''': ''[sighs]'' Any chance you wanna go instead of me, Duke? :'''Duke''': No can do, Téa. I gotta stick with Professor Hawkins in case those biker punks come back. :'''Tristan''': Duke's right. Plus he's gonna keep an eye on Rebecca too. :''[Flashback to Rebecca and Arthur see Pharaoh and his friends leaving]'' :'''Rebecca''': I wanna go too! They need a brain like mine to figure out how to save Yugi! Please!? :'''Arthur''': It's too dangerous. And the Pharaoh has enough on his mind already. :'''Rebecca''': Huh? :'''Arthur''': The last thing he needs is the responsibility of looking after you. His closest friend in the world's been taken from him. :'''Rebecca''': ''[cries ran back to the caravan]'' You don't understand anything, Grandpa! :'''Arthur''': Rebecca, wait! It's for your own good! :''[the flashback ends]'' :'''Duke''': You better get on the train before you miss your ride. :'''Joey''': We got plenty of time. :'''Tristan''': No, we don’t. :'''Joey''': Like I said "All Aboard!" :'''Téa''': Take care, Duke. :''[Joey, Tristan, Pharaoh and Téa are onboard the train carriages as the train horns blares and the train departed from the station as Duke waves to them.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Téa''': Come on, you gotta cheer up. I promise we'll get Yugi back. But in the meantime, you can't just sit around moping. It might feel better to talk about it. We can even come up with a plan together. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[sighs, gets up the seat and sadly walked off alone]'' Sorry Téa. :'''Téa''': Poor guy. ''[watches the Pharaoh walked off alone feeling sad after he lost the duel with Rafael]'' :'''Tristan''': Just let him go, Téa. :'''Téa''': Huh? :'''Tristan''': I think he needs to be alone for a while you know? :'''Joey''': He's already alone. :'''Téa and Tristan''': Huh? :'''Joey''': Isn't that the whole problem? He’s crushed. But he’ll be alright soon enough. ‘Cause we’re going to rescue Yugi, right guys? :'''Téa''': There’s no doubt. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' How could ''I'' have been so selfish? I gave in to the darkness within my heart... and Yugi paid the price. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|their last duel with Rafael as the Seal took Yugi instead]].]'' I've lost him forever. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tea''': ''[sighs]'' He's been gone for a while. :'''Tristan''': ''[notices the passengers are empty]'' Hey, Hold on. He's not the only one! :'''Joey''': Huh? :'''Tristan''': Call me crazy. But wasn't this train completely filled with passengers just a minute ago?! What's the deal!? How can a train full of people all of a sudden be empty!? :'''Joey''': What?! :''[Joey and Tea sees passengers are empty]'' :'''Tea''': Alright. Now I'm officially freaked out! :''[back at Dartz's lair]'' :'''Dartz''': ''[evilly laughter]'' A vacant train is the least of your problems, my young friends. I'm just getting warmed up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tea''': There you are. :'''Yami Yugi''': Huh? :'''Joey''': 'Case you haven't noticed, Something weird's going on. :'''Tristan''': If you asked me. I'd say this whole train ride is another trap. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[gasp]'' :'''Joey''': I'm sure those same slime balls are behind this. and I bet they're onboard. :'''Tristan''': Well what are we standing here for? Let's get 'em! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': Pharaoh! Tea! Whatta we do now!? :'''Yami Yugi''': Get help! :'''Tea''': Come on, we have to find a way to stop this train! :'''Tristan''': Hey, we're slowing down! You heard 'em. we gotta get help. :'''Joey''': I know... but there's a problem. ''[he and Tristan jumps off the rail coaches]'' We're in the middle of nowhere! and we don't even know those two are gonna end up. Bye, guys. Hang in there. :'''Tristan''': I guess it's just you and me now. :'''Joey''': Hmm ''[sees Rex appears snickers in the railcar with his chaos duel disk on.]'' Huh? Rex!? What are you doing here? :'''Rex Raptor''': ''[jumps off the rail coaches and walks towards Joey and Tristan]'' I still have a score to settle with you, Wheeler. Remember? You tooked my Red Eyes Black Dragon. :'''Joey''': Rex, This is not the time. :'''Rex''': It’s the perfect time for revenge. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[sees Weevil appears on top of this train with his chaos duel disk on]'' Weevil Underwood! Are you behind this!? You'd better start explaining yourself! :'''Tea Gardner''': Weevil? What are you what with us, worm boy! :'''Weevil Underwood''': What are you think I what? A rematched with the king of games! :'''Tea Gardner''': Are you nuts!? :'''Weevil Underwood''': I'm just in the mood for a friendly duel. :'''Yami Yugi''': Weevil, Who put you up to this? :'''Weevil Underwood''': No one did. I figured this was a good time to test out my new secret weapon, that's all. :'''Tristan Taylor''': Is that magic rock the professor told us about it! Where did you find that thing, Raptor!? :'''Joey Wheeler''': I knew it! ''He's'' working for ''them!'' :''[back on the train]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': You've been brainwashed, Weevil! :'''Téa''': Wake up! Those guys are just using you! :'''Weevil''': Who cares! as long as I have ultimate power! :'''Yami Yugi''': You're ''wrong!'' :'''Weevil''': Then just duel ''me!'' :'''Téa''': Wait a minute! :'''Yami Yugi''': Huh? Téa, no! It's too dangerous! :'''Téa''': Weevil! Don't you realize that if you go through with this duel, one of you guys is gonna lose your soul forever!? :'''Yami Yugi''': Téa. :'''Weevil''': Of course I do, Téa. That's the whole reason I'm here! To make him pay by ''sealing him away!'' :'''Téa''': Oh! :'''Yami Yugi''': Oh no! :'''Weevil''': Don't worry. Soon you'll be locked away with your friend Yugi, Pharaoh! ''[laughing]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Where is ''he!?'' Tell me! :'''Weevil''': I'm afraid the only way to find out is to duel me. so if you back down now, then you'll never see that little twerp again! :'''Yami Yugi''': Very well! Then let's duel! :'''Weevil''': ''[laughing]'' Wise choice, Pharaoh! ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' :'''Rex''': ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' I'm gonna enjoy this! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey Wheeler''': What did you do to my friends!? :'''Rex Raptor''': Nothing! Weevil's dealing with those two losers why I handled you two. :'''Tristan Taylor''': Weevil? So he's in on this train too. :'''Joey''': Rex, you guys pick the wrong side to join. :'''Rex''': Oh really? Well, we'll just see about that won't we. I've been given more power then you ever dreamed of! :'''Joey''': ''[growl]'' Look, Rex, not only can I duel circles around your sorry behind but you're half my size! So why don't you get out of my way before I step on you! :'''Rex''': Sorry, pal. I'm not going anywhere till we duel! So draw your cards and let's get it on, chump! I've got a duel to win! :'''Tristan''': Now what? :'''Joey''': ''[sighs]'' I warned them. Now let's trample this geek and then go find Yugi and Téa. :'''Tristan''': Good call. :'''Rex''': Oh yeah? You'll change your mind when ''I'' activate this card! :'''Joey and Tristan''': Huh? :'''Rex''': ''[snickers and holds up "The Seal of Orichalcos" card]'' Look familiar!? :'''Tristan''': The Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Joey''': Drop the card! That thing is evil, Rex. I'm telling ya, you have no idea what you're doing! :'''Rex''': You're not so tough now! Are you, Wheeler! ''[laughs and activates the card]'' :'''Joey''': ''He'' played it! :''[Joey and Tristan grunting and as Rex screams]'' :'''Tristan''': Aah! :'''Joey''': No, Tristan! :'''Rex''': Ahh! Ha Ha Ha! Now... That's what I call power. :'''Joey''': What was ''he'' thinking playing that! :'''Tristan''': Be careful, man! He just raised the stakes a this duel big time! Now who ever loses the game, loses their soul! :'''Joey''': Gee, Thanks for the reminder. :'''Rex''': Let's do this. It's payback time! :'''Joey''': Sorry, Rex. ''I'' won't duel ''you!'' :'''Rex''': You don't have much ''choice!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Weevil Underwood''': I won’t keep you in suspense any longer! ''[snickers]'' It’s my move! ''[holds up "The Seal of Orichalcos" card]'' And I think I’ll play the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Yami Yugi''': Weevil, don’t be a fool! :'''Weevil Underwood''': What seems to be the problem, Pharaoh? You’ve played this card before, haven’t you? If I’m not mistaken, this is what you used to lock little Yugi away! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Looks like the battles are underway. :'''Rafael''': Yes, Master. And if all goes well, the soul of the Pharaoh will soon be yours. Of course, we win no matter what, because whatever the final outcome is, we get two souls. :'''Dartz''': ''[evilly snickers]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rex Raptor''': Are you gonna duel, Wheeler? or just stand there like a loser while I take you apart? :'''Joey Wheeler''': I got no choice. Alright I didn't wanna do this... But you got yourself a duel! :'''Tristan Taylor''': Are you sure? :'''Joey Wheeler''': It's the only way to save Yuge, so yes. :'''Rex Raptor''': Good answer. I've been waiting for this moment for years. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': ''[evilly snickers]'' It won't be long now. The soul of the Pharaoh is nearly in my grasp. After all we have the perfect bait. ''[evilly laughter]'' :''[To Be Continued...]'' ====Part 2==== :''[Joey and Rex were still dueling with Panther Warrior, the two Gilasaurus and Kaitoptera still on the field]'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': Dude, you've got three dinos breathing down your neck! You better think of something before you're extinct! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Gee, thanks. :'''Rex Raptor''': You're in way over your head! Thanks to the Seal of Orichalcos, I can never be beat, but enough talk! On with the Duel! ''[draws Polymerization from his Deck]'' It's showtime. First, I'll use Polymerization to combine my Gilasaurus with my Kaitoptera to form Horned Saurus! ''[Horned Saurus appears on the field]'' But you ain't seen nothing yet! Next I'll play Giant Rex! ''[Giant Rex also appears on the field]'' And the Seal of Orichalcos gives my Jurassic giants a power boost! ''[Horned Saurus' and Giant Rex's eyes glow red as the Seal of Orichalcos raises their attack by 500]'' Time to get prehistoric on you, Wheeler, by letting my ravenous meat-eaters chow down on your Life Points! My Horned Saurus is up first! Now, attack Wheeler directly! :'''Tristan Taylor''': How can he do that when you've got a monster on the field? :'''Rex Raptor''': Easy, Horned Saurus has a special ability that lets him bypass your monsters and go straight for your Life Points! Tough break. ''[Horned Saurus fires a shockwave blast on top of Joey, making Joey's Life Points drop to 1500]'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': That runt is kicking your butt! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Thanks for the help. You're a real pal. :'''Rex Raptor''': For my next trick, Giant Rex will make your Panther Warrior disappear! ''[Giant Rex attack and destroys Panther Warrior]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Be patient, Great Leviathan. Soon the soul of the Pharaoh shall be yours. ''[evil laughing]'' :'''Weevil''': ''[chucking]'' You’re about to pay the ultimate price, and I’ll be known as the duelist who dethroned the king of games! :''[To Be Continued...]'' ====Part 3==== :'''Yami Yugi''': My dragon! He abandoned me! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rex Raptor''': Please Save me! ''[screaming as the Oricalchos claims Rex's soul]'' :'''Joey Wheeler''': ''Sorry, Rex. It's the only way.'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': Rex! Come on, man wake up! I know you're in there somewhere so snap out of it. :'''Joey Wheeler''': It's no use, Tristan. The Orichalcos has him now. But I promise we'll get him back. As soon as we find Pegasus and Yugi. :'''Tristan Taylor''': Yeah, but how? :'''Joey Wheeler''': But first we gotta figured out where this Dartz guy hangs out. Find him, and we'll find them. YOU HEAR ME, DARTZ?! WE'RE COMING TO GET YOU! AND WE'RE NOT LEAVING WITHOUT OUR FRIENDS! ''[echoes]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Yami Yugi and Weevil's Duel is still underway with Breaker the Magical Warrior, Poison Butterfly and Armored Centipede on the field]'' :'''Weevil Underwood''': I'll tell you what. Because I feel sorry for you, I'd be willing to do you a little favor before you lose. I have a card in my pocket I think you'd like to see. I can't wait to see the look on your face! ''[laughs hysterically]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[snarls]'' ''Weevil!'' :'''Weevil Underwood''': Relax, Pharaoh, I'm just trying to be nice. It's the least I can do to repay you for ruining my life. You wanna see Yugi, right? ''[the flashback cuts in]'' His spirit is trapped, deep in the caverns of Dartz's lair, and I know how to set him free! ''[cuts back to the present]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Tell me how to save him right now! :'''Weevil Underwood''': ''[laughs]'' Very well. In order to release his soul, you'll need a special card. ''[takes out a Gokibore card out of his pocket]'' And I've got it right here. :'''Yami Yugi''': What?! Then hand it to me now! :'''Weevil Underwood''': That's not a nice way to ask! Why don't you try saying, "Pretty please, with sugar on top"? ''[Yami Yugi walks short, but realizes that Weevil was bluffing]'' Oh, well, too late! So it looks like I'll have to teach you a lesson in manners! Now say goodbye! ''[rips the Gokibore card in half]'' Yugi's gone FOREVER! ''[Yami Yugi, having witnessed Weevil rip the card, suddenly erupts into an uncontrollable rage]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[roars ferociously]'' '''NO!''' :'''Weevil Underwood''': ''[laughing]'' :'''Tea Gardner''': ''[in tears]'' No. Poor Yugi. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[furiously]'' You snake! :'''Weevil Underwood''': ''[laughs]'' Don’t you know a joke when you hear one? I tore up a useless bug card. :'''Tea Gardner''': Huh? ''[anger]'' Weevil, That’s not very funny! :'''Weevil Underwood''': You people have no sense of humour! :'''Yami Yugi''': You'll pay for that! You hear me, Weevil!? :'''Weevil Underwood''': Ha! Huh? :'''Yami Yugi''': You'll pay dearly! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Weevil Underwood''': ''[thinking]'' Yugi's been planning this all along! :'''Yami Yugi''': It's the beginning of the end for you! ''[draws a monster card from his Deck]'' I've drawn Queen's Knight! ''[discards Queen's Knight to the Graveyard]'' And since it's a monster, my warrior can attack! Go! ''[Breaker attacks Weevil's Life Points, making them go to 700]'' Now, for my next card! ''[draws Gazelle the King of Mythical Beasts]'' Looks like you're out of luck. Attack again! ''[Breaker makes a second attack at Weevil, making Weevil's Life Points drop to 0]'' I draw again! ''[draws Big Shield Gardna]'' Another monster! ''[Breaker delivers the third blow to Weevil]'' This just isn't your day! ''[draws Alpha the Magnet Warrior and Breaker attacks Weevil while Tea tearfully witnesses the moment]'' Breaker, attack him again! ''[Breaker delivers the last blow to Weevil, just as the Oricalchos claims Weevil's soul]'' Let's see. ''[draws Dark Magician Girl]'' Oh, well... :'''Tea Gardner''': ''[rushes to Yami Yugi in tears]'' Please, Pharaoh! No more! :'''Yami Yugi''': Let me go! :'''Tea Gardner''': You can stop now. It's over. You've already won the duel. The Seal of Oricalchos is gone. We have to put an end to all this. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''Tea's right'', ''[holds Dark Magician Girl card]'' ''I have a promise to keep.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': So many souls, so little time. The Great Leviathan is growing impatient. I must supply him with the power he needs to awaken… and for that, I need the soul of the Pharaoh. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Tell me where Yugi is! :'''Tea Gardner''': Pharaoh... It's no use. You won. So the Seal of Oricalcos took Weevil away. Pharaoh? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': No! I need him alive! ===''Self Destruction'' [4.19]=== :''[after the train derails and falling off the cliffs a passenger car on the river, at Dartz's lair Dartz not happy]'' :'''Dartz''': ''[stands up]'' Somehow I've lost contact with the Pharaoh. :'''Rafael''': Maybe he didn't survive the fall. :'''Dartz''': He did. However, Something or someone is hiding him from my vision. :'''Rafael''': Then let me be your eyes, Master. I'll track him down and make up for my failure. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chris''': ''[offscreen]'' Skye! Get back here! Skye! ''[appeared enter the tent]'' That's no way to treat our guests. ''[to Pharaoh and Téa]'' Sorry if she woke you up. :'''Yami Yugi''': Who are you? How did you find us? :'''Chris''': You can call me Chris. ''[giggles]'' And you've already met Skye. She's the one that found you. She was sniffing around for food and ended up sniffing out you guys instead. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ironheart''': I see your strength is back. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes, Thank you. :'''Ironheart''': Pleased to hear it. You two had me worried. By the way, the name is Ironheart, and I believe this belongs to you. Pardon me for being intrusive... But I couldn't help noticing you possess the legendary Eye of Timaeus... The only one of it's kind. :'''Yami Yugi''': Take it. I'm not deserving of it's power. :'''Téa Gardner''': That's not true. :'''Ironheart''': I'll hold it until you're ready. :'''Téa Gardner''': Did you find another kid? He had glasses and a bad haircut? He was on the train with us it crashed. :'''Ironheart''': No, I'm afraid you were the only ones we found. Perhaps your friend was able to escape before the train fell off that cliff. I assure you, there wasn't another soul on board. :'''Yami Yugi''': I highly doubt Weevil was able to escape. Not in the condition he was in. I'm afraid there's a greater power at work here. :'''Ironheart''': I must say, young man. You seem to possess a wisdom that reaches far beyond your years. Now, I've encountered many people in my travels... but there's something about you i've never seen before... something in your eyes. I'm also sensing that you hold a great deal of loneliness in your heart. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's because I recently lost a very close friend of mine. His name is Yugi Muto. And now... I'm on a journey to find his soul. :'''Ironheart''': What will you do if you find him? :'''Yami Yugi''': I’ll apologize for betraying his trust and abandoning him. :'''Ironheart''': Hmm. I might just be able to help. Follow me. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Rafael jumps on the rail carriage after the train falls off the cliff looking for the Pharaoh.]'' :'''Rafael''': Hey, Pharaoh! You in there or not!? How did he escape? ''[looks at the mountain]'' I'LL FIND YOU, PHARAOH, WHEREVER YOU ARE! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi Muto''': Is that really you? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi! :'''Tea''': Hey, It's him! :'''Yami Yugi''': I've found you! Hmm? :'''Yugi''': You came all this way just to see me? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes of course, I just want you to say how sorry I am. :'''Yugi''': I'm sorry too, I wish this whole thing never happened. :'''Yami Yugi''': It's my fault. I surrendered to my inner darkness. I allowed my anger to take over and you paid the price. But now that you're gone, The darkness is starting to grow without your light to keep me pure... I'm becoming evil, Yugi. I'm beginning to believe that what Rafael said about me is true. Perhaps I was a [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|wicked pharaoh]]. ''[Flashes back to their first duel, Rafael told Pharaoh heard about the Pharaoh are the one responsible for the destroy Egypt.]'' What if I am the one responsible for the destruction of Egypt? If I'm capable of such horrific behavior then it's my soul that should be locked away. :'''Yugi''': Well, What good is that now!? ''I'm'' the one who's been locked away forever, Not ''you''! :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm sorry? :'''Yugi''': Well, The last thing I need is your pity, Pharaoh! If You're really evil there's only thing to do. :'''Yami Yugi''': What are you saying? :'''Yugi''': You said it yourself, Didn't you? Your spirit should be locked away with mine. And I'm gonna do it. :'''Yami Yugi''': Wait! You misunderstood me! :'''Yugi''': Oh, So now you're taking back what you said!? Make up your mind! ''You'' don't deserve to be a part of this world! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[shocked]'' Yugi. :'''Yugi''': It's about time you started taking some responsibility for what you've done! There's only one thing left to do and you know it! You need to be a man for once and face me in a duel now! :'''Yami Yugi''': No please. :'''Yugi''': Too late! It's time for you to pay! If you're really sorry then you'll do this! It's time to duel! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tea''': Wait, So he's gonna duel himself. But why? :'''Ironheart''': This is the only way. :'''Tea''': Huh? :'''Chris''': That's why we took you guys here. So the pharaoh can face his other half. He has to deal with what he did so he can put it all behind him and finally move on. :'''Tea''': How do you know all this stuff? :'''Chris''': We've always known this. We were taught that a warrior would come to save our world. And as soon as we found you guys, We knew that he was the one. :'''Tea''': So, what's he supposed to do now? :'''Ironheart''': His first step is to face his inner fears and conquer the darkness that lurks within his heart. But if he loses this battle, The pharaoh's spirit will remain here forever. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Why are ''you'' acting like this?! :'''Yugi''': I'm just a reflection of ''you''! :'''Yami Yugi''': What do you mean, Yugi!? :'''Yugi''': You don't get it, do you? You and I are exactly the same. So the darkness that's in your heart... is also inside my heart. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi, I wish I could take it back. :'''Yugi''': Too late! You've already shown me who you really are an evil pharaoh who cares only about himself! Face the Facts! ''You'' didn't care what happened to me so long as you had power! Now it's my turn! :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi, wait! Are you holding the card I think you are!? :'''Yugi''': It's sounds like your starting to catch on aren't you, your highness? This duel is a chance for you to look at yourself from the outside. And there's only one card that can make that happen... The Seal of Orichalcos. :'''Yami Yugi''': Huh!? Yugi, no! ''[gasps]'' :'''Yugi''': Now it's pay back time, For taken my soul! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi… Don’t do this! Snap out of it! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': YUGI NO! I won't let you do this! ''[screaming]'' '''STOP!''' I ACTIVATE THE TRAP CARD... DIVINE WIND! :'''Yugi''': He did it! He was able to reverse my attack and double its strength to win the duel! :''[blast on Yugi and he screams and making his Life Points drop to 0]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': What have I done!? Yugi! :'''Yugi''': ''[groaning]'' :'''Tea Gardner''': Is he alright? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi! ''[running towards Yugi]'' Come on! ''[holds his body]'' Speak to me, Please! :'''Yugi''': You passed the test, pal. :'''Yami Yugi''': What are you taking about, Yugi? Did you plan this all along? :'''Yugi''': It was the only way. By defeating me you were able to defeat the darkness that was inside your heart. It wasn’t easy, But you did what was best for me and for mankind. You acted like a true hero. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[in tears]'' But now what? What can I do? :'''Yugi''': Don't give up this fight. Remember... I'm aways with you. ''[disappears]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[gasps see Yugi disappears]'' I'll save you! No matter what it takes. ===''Reliving the Past'' [4.20]=== :'''Téa''': Seems like the Pharaoh's in pretty bad shape down there. :'''Ironheart''': Of course. There's still a hole in his heart has Yet to be filled. :'''Téa''': ''[worried; thinking]'' Poor, guy. He still blames himself for what happened to Yugi. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[cries in tears after the duel with Yugi]'' Yugi, If it weren’t for me, You'd still be here. I'll never forgive myself. ''[Flashes back to their [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|last duel as the Seal took Yugi instead]].]'' Mark my words! I won't rest you until I get you back! Uhh! It's not fair! I should be locked away! Not you! I’m the one ''who'' played that evil card! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Meet Orichalcos Gigas! Attack the Pharaoh! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': I've got you right where I what you, Pharaoh. ''[evilly chuckle]'' :''[Rafael watches the Pharaoh and the Orichalcos soldier were still dueling with Obnoxious Celtic Guardian and Orichalcos Gigas still on the field]'' :'''Rafael''': Let's see you get yourself outta this. :'''Tea Gardner''': He's about to lose! :'''Ironheart''': There is but one thing that can save him. :'''Chris''': The card he gave you? :'''Ironheart''': Mmm. ''[grabs the card]'' The Eye of Timaeus. The creature that fought by my side so long ago. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': ''[spots at Ironheart]'' Who is that? :'''Ironheart''': Pharaoh! Take this card! :'''Yami Yugi''': Ironheart!? :'''Dartz''': You've disrupted my plans for the last time, old man. :''[lightning bolt strikes on Ironheart]'' :'''Ironheart''': AAH! :'''Yami Yugi''': IRONHEART! NO! :'''Chris''': GRANDFATHER! :'''Ironheart''': ''[groaning and collapses and holds up "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' Please take this card from me. It's the only way to defeat the beast. :''[Orichalcos blocks the Pharaoh on the field]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': I can't get out! :'''Chris''': Grandpa! :'''Ironheart''': It's up to you. :'''Chris''': What do you mean, Gramps? :'''Ironheart''': ''[groaning]'' Take this... and bring it to the Pharaoh. ''[Chris grab "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' Otherwise, All hope is lost. Good luck. ''[disappears]'' :'''Chris''': ''[gasps, sees her grandfather disappears in tears]'' No, Grandpa! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Chris, No! :'''Chris''': ''[gasping]'' Pharaoh... ''[holds up "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' Take this... please. :'''Yami Yugi''': What is it? :'''Chris''': ''[groaning]'' It's the only thing that can stop him. It saved us once... and with your help it can save us again. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[grab and hold the card]'' The Eye of Timaeus. :'''Chris''': ''[smile and eyes closed]'' I trust you, Pharaoh. Thank you. ''[disappears]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[see Chris disappears]'' Hold on! Come back! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': There's only one thing left to do, ''[looks at "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' I hope you deem me worthy of your power, ''[close his eyes]'' I’m truly sorry for having betrayed you. But the lives are so many innocent people are getting hurt and depending on you, So I asked you not for myself, But for all those at risk. Please help me, Timaeus. The future of two worlds hangs in the balance, ''[open his eyes]'' we must win! No matter what. ''[draws Dark Magician Girl card]'' Now I sacrifice my Celtic Guardian in order to summon Dark Magician Girl! ''[summons Dark Magician Girl]'' Next I'll play... The legendary Eye of Timaeus! :'''Dartz''': He'll never learn. :'''Rafael''': ''[surprised]'' I don't believe it. He should never have been able to summon that dragon! :'''Yami Yugi''': Dark Magician Girl, fuse with Timaeus, forming Dark Magician Girl the dragon knight! Next, I'll enhance your strength with my Excalibur magic card! Attack! Destroy his creature of darkness! ''[Timaeus fire blast and Dark Magician Girl rise the sword and blast on the Orichalcos Gigas and the Orichalcos Soldier Blasting light]'' YOU HEAR ME, DARTZ?! I'M COMING TO GET YOU! AND I'M NOT LEAVING WITHOUT MY FRIENDS! ''[echoes]'' :'''Dartz''': ''[thinking]'' This isn't over, Pharaoh. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey Wheeler''': I'm assuming you see that gigantic green sunset over there, right? :'''Tristan Taylor''': What do you think it is? :'''Joey''': Hmm? ''[holds "The Claw of Hermos" card glowing]'' I'm guessing it's got something to do with this. Let's just hope Téa and the Pharaoh are alright. Come on! ''[ran off]'' :'''Tristan''': Hey, Wait! It's your turn to carry Rex! ''[ran off to followed Joey]'' I know you can hear me! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[to Timaeus and Dark Magician Girl]'' Well done, my creatures. He's gone now. Thanks to you two. But I feel this is just the beginning. :'''Rafael''': I have to say I'm glad you won, Pharaoh. 'Cause now I can be the one who delivers your soul to Master Dartz. ''[walks away]'' :''[Tea spots at Ironheart, Chris and Skye along with the three legendary dragons in stone]'' :'''Tea Gardner''': Wait. That's a carving of Ironheart, Chris and Skye from 10,000 years ago? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes. :'''Tea Gardner''': So you mean to tell me that those guys were just ghosts or something? :'''Yami Yugi''': They're spirits who once fought a great war, and now they've been captured by Dartz. ''[Tea stands up then she and the Pharaoh turns around and walks away]'' This gives me three more reasons to hunt down this madman and bring peace to the world once again. ===''Deck of Armor'' [4.21]=== :'''Yami Yugi''': Take my hand. We're back where we left off. :'''Téa''': Nice. Now all we have to do is follow those railway tracks. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's right. If all goes well, they should lead us straight to Tristan and Joey. assuming they haven't wandered off. :'''Téa''': They better be there. We have to do what we set out to do. Figure out where this Dartz creep hangs out so we can set free everyone he captured. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes, Téa. I only wish it were that easy. :'''Téa''': And remind me never to get on the train again. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Inside Paradius headquarters Mai at the meeting room with Dartz, Valon, Rafael, and Alister after Joey defeats Rex Raptor at the middle of nowhere on the railway line]'' :'''Mai Valentine''': Just leave Joey Wheeler to me. :'''Rafael''': You'll do nothing until Master Dartz gives you an assignment. :'''Mai Valentine''': What is this, Third grade? I decide who I'm gonna duel for myself. I don't wait for the homework assignment. :'''Rafael''': Why don't you show a little respect? :'''Alister''': Come on, Raf, as if little miss loud mouth knows respect? :'''Mai Valentine''': What did you call me? :'''Rafael''': Relax. :'''Mai Valentine''': Look, I was doing perfectly fine until Johnny stuntman over there stepped in. If it wasn't for you, I would a won. As for you, I don't need some scrawny freak dictating my every move! I'm out of here, losers! ''[opens the door]'' Humph! ''[walks off alone]'' :'''Dartz''': Just let her go, Valon. :'''Valon''': Hmm? :'''Dartz''': She can try to run away from fate, But in the end she'll get what she deserves. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': I know you’re deep down you feel the way I do, Mai. :'''Mai''': What? :'''Valon''': That’s why we found each other. You’re just like me… Lonely and misunderstood. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duke Devlin''': ''[driving]'' Should we have left so soon? :'''Rebecca Hawkins''': Of course. Time is running out. We have to catch up with the others now. ''[inside the caravan, Arthur was asleep]'' Besides, Gramps can get just as much rest on the road. Plus, we can't translate those ancient ruins without his help, Duke. :'''Duke''': Huh? ''[spots at Valon with Mai Valentine]'' Hey Rebecca, look, It's Mai Valentine. But what's she doing here? Wait a sec! That guy... ''[Flashes back to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|Joey and Mai's first duel]], Duke saw Valon next to Rafael watching Mai against Joey]'' I recognize him. He's one of those biker punks that brainwashed Mai. ''[cuts back to the present]'' He works for Dartz. :'''Rebecca''': Stop the car, Duke! :'''Duke''': Rebecca! Hold on! We’re dealing with a lunatic here! :'''Rebecca''': Alright, Tell me what you did with Yugi?! You guys had no right to take him! :'''Valon''': Sorry, kid, Never heard of him. :'''Rebecca''': Well, maybe this’ll refresh your memory! I win, You talk! Let’s duel! :'''Duke''': No, Rebecca! It’s too dangerous! :'''Rebecca''': I’ll be fine. I’ve dueled tougher opponents than this. So what are you say, punk? Do we have a deal or not? :'''Valon''': You can’t be serious, kid. :'''Mai''': Here’s your big chance. Why don’t you show me your stuff. :'''Rebecca''': Let’s go. I don’t have all day. :'''Valon''': Well, why not? She could use a lesson in manners and I got five minutes to kill. Plus I can sho off a few of my new dueling strategies. Alright. You talked me into it, mate. Let’s have a go. :'''Duke''': Hold on! If you dueling her then you'll dueling me too, tough guy! :'''Valon''': Peachy. Then I’ll take both of you blokes on. Ha. ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' Pay attention, Mai. This is for you. :'''Duke''': Remember, Rebecca, don’t let him play the seal of Orichalcos. :'''Rebecca''': Got it. :'''Valon, Duke and Rebecca''': Let’s duel! <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :''[Valon defeats Rebecca Hawkins and Duke Devlin in their duel.]'' :'''Rebecca''': Fine, You won. Now leave us alone. :'''Duke''': Get lost. :'''Valon''': Very well then, I gotta message for Joey Wheeler, tell that punk he's next. ''[laughing, then spots at Mai hops on her motorcycle]'' Where are you going, Mai. :'''Mai''': I told you, I worked alone! ''[droves off]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Téa, do you see what I see? :'''Téa''': You mean all those weird lights? :'''Yami Yugi''': I fear it’s the great beast. The same thing happened when it emerged the first time. ''[thinking]'' ''We’re running out of time.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Yes, Great Leviathan. Keep feeding, my child. You’re almost ready. ''[evilly chuckling]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Inside the KaibaCorp Airplane where Seto and Mokuba sitting on the seat]'' :'''Mokuba Kaiba''': You think it’s true, Seto? I mean, could Yugi really have lost to one of Alister's partners in a duel? And does that mean he’s trapped somewhere now? :'''Seto Kaiba''': It just means Yugi’s not as perfect as everyone thinks he is, and he’s not worth my time. We’ve got more important things to do. ===''Flight of Fear'' [4.22-23]=== ====Part 1==== :''[Kaiba and Alister's rematch duel begins]'' :'''Alister''': As the challenger, I'll start! And I'll summon my Science Soldier in defense mode! That's all for now. :'''Seto''': How pathetic. My move! I summon X-Head Cannon in attack mode! Now, X-Head Cannon, attack! Looks like you're defenseless. :'''Mokuba''': ''[worried; thinking]'' If Alister plays that Seal of Orichalcos, Seto's in big trouble! :'''Alister''': No big deal. Watch this! I play Cyber Soldier of Dark World. And next, I'll place one card facedown and end my turn. :'''Seto''': What a joke! My move! I summon Y-Dragon Head in attack mode! Attack his Cyber Soldier of Dark World, now! And now, X-Head Cannon, attack his Life Points directly! :'''Mokuba''': ''[thinking]'' Alister's making this too easy. :'''Seto''': I think that's just about enough punishment for now. I end my turn. ''[sets a card facedown]'' :'''Alister''': You sound pretty confident, Kaiba, but you'll change your tune. You've been so pretty occupied with your own monsters, you forgot what I have waiting in my deck. I guess I'll have to remind you. It's the card I used on you last time and it changes the entire playing field! :'''Seto''': ''[realizes]'' Hold it! Did you just draw what I think you did, Alister?! ''[turns to Mokuba]'' Mokuba, GET BACK! :'''Alister''': ''[raises the card up in his hand which is The Seal of Orichalcos]'' I activate the Seal of Orichalcos! ''[laughs as the Seal of Orichalcos grows the circle which engulfs the room and knocks Mokuba away from it's boundary]'' :'''Seto''': Mokuba! ''[beams of green light shoot out of the plane and as Alister screams, the plane's controls end up being sabotaged, including the autopilot]'' This can't be real! ''[The Seal of Orichalcos rises Kaiba and Alister up to the top of the plane]'' What's going on, Alister? :'''Alister''': ''[with his eyes glowing red]'' I just needed some air, that's all. <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> ====Part 2==== <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Man''': Master Dartz, I've just received word from our business division. :'''Dartz''': Yes, go on. :'''Man''': The Takeover was a success. Congratulations, Master. Kaiba Corp now belongs to you. ===''Paradise Found'' [4.24]=== <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': I got the images, And my grandpa's looking them over now. :'''Yami Yugi''': Good. Let's meet up as soon as possible. Oh, And one more thing… I'm sorry. :'''Arthur Hawkins''': Rebecca, You can't blame the Pharaoh for what happened to Yugi. :'''Rebecca''': ''[looks at her grandfather worried]'' Huh? :'''Arthur''': There's far too much at stake for hurting his feelings. You must be so hard on him. Right now, We're all fighting a common enemy. And this data may be our only hope. :'''Rebecca''': ''[sadly]'' You're right. :'''Arthur''': Pharaoh, The quality of the images is much worse then I thought. Unless we clear up these photos I won’t be able to read much at all. :'''Seto Kaiba''': Set a course for Kaiba Corporation headquarters immediately. :'''Tristan''': Dude, are you nuts. :'''Tea''': Dartz and his gang must’ve taken over the place by now. :'''Seto Kaiba''': The only way we can process these images fast enough is by using computer system, so we have no choice. :'''Joey''': Say what?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Kaiba has a good point, Joey. :'''Joey''': He does? :'''Yami Yugi''': First, they took Pegasus away… and now they’ve taken over Kaiba's company. Which means we've got to stop these criminals before they make their next move, and we have no time to lose! :'''Seto Kaiba''': Wow… You're more hung ho than I expected. You know, since you lost your title and all. :'''Yami Yugi''': Kaiba, this fight is about so much more than a mere championship dueling title. Don’t you see!? People are getting hurt and the world's in danger! :'''Seto Kaiba''': Hmm. Blah, blah, blah. Don’t you get tired of making the same speech every time you’re faced with a challenge? Stop saving the world and get a hobby. :'''Yami Yugi''': Rebecca, we’ll meet you two at the pier. :'''Rebecca''': 10-4 we’ll see you there. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': Master Dartz. :'''Dartz''': Take a look, Rafael. Your friend wasn't careful. :'''Rafael''': ''[spots at Alister in stone]'' Alister. :'''Dartz''': Don't sound so displeased. He's better off where he is now. Alister's energy, along with our other prisoners', will fuel the great beast. The Pharaoh and his friends will be arriving shortly. I trust you'll give them a warm welcome, Hmm. :'''Rafael''': He won't escaped me this time. <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Seto Kaiba''': ''[to Roland and Fuguta sent a soulless Alister and soulless Rex Raptor to the Hospital]'' Take those two to the medical center. I'm feeling generous. :'''Roland and Fuguta''': Right. :''[The KaibaCorp helicopter takes off to take Alister and Rex to the Hospital.]'' :'''Mokuba Kaiba''': Good luck, guys. :'''Joey Wheeler''': Stay safe. :'''Yami Yugi''': Professor, I'm glad you're alright. :'''Joey''': Me too. Hey, hows was the road trip, guys? :'''Duke''': Could a been better. We hit a pretty big snag on the way. :'''Joey''': Flat tire? :'''Duke''': We ran into Mai and one of those freaks. The one that jumped in and ended your duel. :'''Joey''': That jerk. :'''Duke''': He's really got it in for you, man. and I'm afraid Mai's still on their side too. :'''Joey''': Grr. Just wait until ''I'' find him! :'''Rebecca''': Hey, any word yet on Yugi? We have to find him. If you don't get him back, I'll never forgive you. Plus we need him to fight these guys! :'''Yami Yugi''': I miss Yugi, too. and I promise I will rescue him. You have word. But I need to pay a little visit to KaibaCorp first. :'''Rebecca''': Let me come with you! You'll need some tech support. :'''Seto Kaiba''': Ha! This Isn't some kind of field trip, kid. But I guess you can tag along if you want. :'''Rebecca''': I'm no kid! :'''Seto Kaiba''': Whatever you say, kid. I don't know about you geeks. But I have a company to save. So whoever's coming with me, let's move. :'''Mokuba Kaiba''': OK. :'''Tea''': Good luck and be careful. :'''Yami Yugi''': Right. :'''Tristan''': Alright, Tea. We better tell the police what's going on. The way this is heading we're gonna need all the help we can get. :'''Tea''': Yeah, good point. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Policeman 1''': Why don't you start over and this time try telling the truth? :'''Tea''': Don't you understand? That is the truth. There's a motorcycle gang going around stealing people's souls with a magic card. :'''Policeman 1''': Ha! You kids watched too many cartoons. :'''Tristan''': We're serious. These guys are trying to take over the whole world. :'''Policeman 2''': Really... Tell me something young man... this so called "gang"... do they wear a symbol like this! <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Here I come you creeps! :'''Rebecca''': Hey! Whoa! :'''Duke''': Get back here, Joey! Come on, man, we need a plan first! <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': This is Valon, Go ahead. :'''Rafael''': ''[on radio]'' The Pharaoh's friends are heading your way. :'''Valon''': Good, Then is time for me to show Joey Wheeler who's boss. :'''Rafael''': Valon, wait! :''[Valon turns off the radio and hops on the motorcycle droves off on the way back to the city]'' :'''Valon''': ''I gotta prove me-self to Mai.'' :''[Tristan and Tea saw Joey was running in the streets in the middle of the night]'' :'''Tristan''': Look, Here comes Joey! :'''Tea''': And there he goes. :'''Tristan''': Hey! Come back! You're going the wrong way! :'''Tea''': He's heading straight for the zombie patrol. :'''Tristan''': Go warn the others, Tea! I gotta stop him! ''[rans off]'' :'''Tea''': Tristan! :'''Joey''': ''I'm coming for you, Dartz and I'm not leaving without Yugi and Mai!'' :''[To Be Continued...]'' ===''Fighting for a Friend'' [4.25-29]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Tristan Taylor''': Joey, Come back! I'm wearing the wrong shoes for this! Joey, stop! :'''Joey Wheeler''': ''[stops and spots at the Orichalcos soldier]'' What's that?! :'''Tristan''': Uh, Joey. :'''Joey''': Yeah? :'''Tristan''': Maybe we should start running again. :'''Joey and Tristan''': ''[screaming]'' :'''Tristan''': Hey, stop! :'''Young guy''': You ever here looking both ways?! ''[droves off]'' :'''Tristan''': Hey, Hold on! :'''Joey''': You're going the wrong way! :'''Tristan''': Turn back! :'''Young guy''': ''[spots at the Orichalcos soldier]'' Whoa! Mommy! ''[falls off the motorcycle]'' It's just a dream... It's just a dream. ''[whimping and running away]'' :'''Joey''': See ya! ''[he and Tristan runs off as the Orichalcos soldier chases them]'' We've never out run this thing! :'''Tristan''': Joey! :''[Joey punches the Orichalcos soldier but then it shatters]'' :'''Tristan''': You beat him. :'''Joey''': ''[spots at Valon]'' Actually, I think he did. Hold on! I know you! [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|You're the ''one'' that took Mai!]] :'''Valon''': Right you are, mate! ''[droves turns around away]'' :'''Joey''': Hey! Come back! ''[runs after Valon]'' :'''Tristan''': Joey, Not again! Come back! :'''Joey''': ''[notices a motorcycle]'' This will do the trick. ''[puts the helmet on]'' Now... ''[picks up the motorcycle and hops on]'' Time to chase him down and save Mai! ''[droves off to chase Valon.]'' :'''Tristan''': Are you nuts?! ''[confused]'' I guess so. He's riding right into a trap. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': ''[chucking]'' Keep fighting, my soldiers. We must continue to collect the souls of man and beast, Until we have amassed enough power to rebuild Atlantis. ''[evil laughing]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Meanwhile Tristan was running a middle of the streets looking for Joey.]'' :'''Tristan''': Joey! Where are you?! ''[Mai’s motorcycle light appears towards him]'' Is that you Joey? :'''Mai Valentine''': ''[takes her bike helmet off]'' Not quite but I am looking for him. :'''Tristan''': Look, Mai… :'''Mai''': Save it, Dweeb! ''I'' know ''you’re'' his babysitter so where is ''he?!'' :'''Tristan''': How should ''I know?!'' One of ''your'' little pals forced him into a game of ''cat and mouse'' and now ''he's'' gone! :'''Mai''': ''[gasps]'' It’s Valon! :'''Tristan''': This is all your fault, Mai! ''[Mai puts her helmet on]'' ''You’re'' the one who got Joey into this mess in the first place! :'''Mai''': Out of my way! ''[drove off]'' :'''Tristan''': Hey! '''Get back here!''' The last thing ''he'' needs right now is '''''you!''''' ''[Mai ignores him and he growls]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': Here we are, old chum. Glad you could make it. Now let's get down to business, shall we? :'''Joey Wheeler''': Look, pal I want Mai back. :'''Valon''': Then why chase me? She happens to have a mind of her own, you know. :'''Joey Wheeler''': ''She'' did. At least... ''She'' did before ''you'' guys brainwashed ''her!'' :'''Valon''': You don't get it, mate. No one was brainwashed! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Huh? :'''Valon''': Mai chose to join ''our'' side with her own free will. And do you want to know why? She was sick of taking a back seat while you got all the fame! Then I stepped in and changed all that. :'''Joey Wheeler''': You messed with her head, that's what you did! She was the one of my best friends! But the last time I saw her she was saying things that Mai never would have said. :''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#My_Freaky_Valentine|he and Mai's duel she chose to join Dartz's team]] flashback ends.]'' :'''Valon''': Wake up, Wheeler! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Who do you think you are!? and what do you what with me? You better start Explain yourself, now!? :'''Valon''': Okay, look, the name's Valon, I led you here to get rid of you for good, 'cause Mai ''can't'' be happy with you around! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Huh? and what does that mean? :'''Valon''': You're a constant reminder of what here life used to be, and Mai whats to forget all that! But as long as you still exist in this world, she be never be able to forget! So, I'm here to erase you for good! ''[thinking]'' ''Plus, I know that deep down, Mai still loves you. and I can't have that!'' So, what do you say, Wheeler? Do we have ourselves a duel or not? Not that I'm giving you much of a choice! ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' :'''Joey Wheeler''': You know what, Valon, I never back down from a challenge especially when I'm fighting for a friend! Now let's duel! ''[their life points to 4000, Joey and Valon's duel begins]'' You're going down, My move. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': ''[panting]'' All right. I'm officially lost. ''[panting]'' Phew. I guess I can pretty much forget about finding Joey now. ''[but the Orichalcos soldier behind him]'' Huh? ''[Orichalcos soldier roaring]'' AHHH! YOU AGAIN?! ''[gulp]'' Hi, remember me? :'''Duke''': Huh? ''[stop the car]'' Tristan! :'''Mokuba''': What's going on? :'''Tea''': Maybe we should get someone else behind the wheel. :'''Duke''': Tristan needs our help, Look! :'''Tea''': ''[looks at Tristan with Orichalcos soldier]'' Oh no! :'''Tristan''': Come on! I’m taking whatever you got! :'''Yami Yugi''': Go, Celtic Guardian! :''[Celtic Guardian attacks Orichalcos soldier]'' :'''Tristan''': Huh? :'''Yami Yugi/Téa/Rebecca''': Tristan! :'''Duke''': Hey! Are you alright?! :'''Tristan''': Huh? ''[sees The Pharaoh, Téa, Duke and Rebecca running towards him]'' Thanks, Pharaoh. You came in the nick of time. Of course, I could have taken him myself. :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm afraid the only thing that would have been taken is your soul had we arrived any later. :'''Tristan''': I know, so those things are working for Dartz. :'''Téa''': Hey, Where's Joey? I thought you guys were together? :'''Tristan''': We were, Until he decided to hop on some guy's motorcycle and take off after one of Dartz's little flunkies. :'''Duke''': ''[shocked]'' You're kidding! :'''Rebecca''': Oh no! Was it Valon? :'''Tristan''': Who? :'''Duke''': It's Valon. He's the young guy that Rebecca and I dueled. :'''Téa''': Is that a bad thing? :'''Rebecca''': Not only does [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Deck of Armor|Valon have a thing against Joey]], but he's got a deck full of monsters I've never seen before. :'''Yami Yugi''': Let's go. We have to find Joey before it's too late. :'''Seto Kaiba''': That chump's gonna have to wait 'cause we've got bigger problems. :'''Yami Yugi''': What do you mean? :'''Seto Kaiba''': Look around you! ====Part 2==== :'''Joey Wheeler''': No, Not that! :'''Valon''': Well, looks like you're starting to catch on, mate. I play the Seal of Orichalcos! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': We’re just getting started. By the end of this duel, you’ll be begging for mercy. Then your old buddy Mai will see what a pathetic chump you really are, and hopefully she’ll realize why she walked out on you in the first place so she can move on already! :'''Joey''': Watch it, Valon! :'''Valon''': Look, mate… All I’m watching out for is myself! And right now, the best thing for me is to get rid of you! 'Cause as long as you’re around, Mai's gonna be obsessed with dueling you. :'''Joey''': Hmm? :'''Valon''': That’s right. Since your last duel, all she talks about is a rematch. But I can’t let Mai put herself in that kind of danger again… So I got to you first. You see Wheeler, I’m not such a bad guy. We both what the same thing. We want Mai to be happy. :'''Joey''': Come on, Valon… Get real. Ha. If you really wanted Mai to be happy… You wouldn’t have brainwashed her in the first place! :'''Valon''': I told you, ''She'' chose to join us! :'''Joey''': No way! I know Mai, and ''she'' never would have walked out on us like that. Not unless someone messed with her head! And if you asked me, This Dartz guy is messing with all of your ''heads!'' :'''Valon''': Hmm? :'''Joey''': That orichalcos card ''he'' gave you has evil magic in it, and it makes everyone who holds it go nuts! :'''Valon''': Are you done? If you are, then allow me to tell you the truth. That orichalcos card did more for Mai than you ever could. She was weak, and it made her strong! She was lost, and it showed her the way! :''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|Dartz joins Mai to part of Doma organization]], Dartz welcoming Mai.]'' :'''Dartz''': Welcome to our family, Miss Valentine. Now go, and remember the Orichcalos is always with you. :''[Mai went to see Valon outside]'' :'''Valon''': So, how's it feel? You've got what you always wanted. :'''Mai''': Look, I appreciate you taking me here... ''[holds up "The Seal of Orichalcos" card]'' But don't think this means I owe you anything. :'''Valon''': What? :'''Mai''': I do things my way. And I have no interest in being part of some team, Valon. I already made that mistake once and you know where it got me?Absolutely Nowhere. So, no, thanks. :'''Valon''': ''[chuckles]'' I know what you mean. You and I are exactly the same, Valentine. :'''Mai''': Hmm? :'''Valon''': We're both loners. But you have to admit... Sometimes it's not all that fun. :''[Then [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#The_Creator_Returns|After she tooked Pegasus' soul]], she has a long face]''. :'''Valon''': Why the long face, Mai? You just accomplished your first mission with flying colors. :'''Mai''': Yeah, I know, Valon. But defeating Maximilion Pegasus meant nothing to me. :'''Valon''': Huh? :'''Mai''': There's only one person out there I need to take apart, and that chump is Joey Wheeler. :''[flashback ends]'' :'''Valon''': Mai can’t stand the sight of you. And neither can I, mate. So I plan to take you down for her. Once you’re out of the picture, she can move on to bigger and much better things. Like teaming up with me and leaving behind her past once and for all! :'''Joey''': No way, Valon. Mai would never want to get rid of me after what we’ve been through. We’re friends! ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 1)#Keith's Machination|Joey and Mai inside the castle at Duelist Kingdom]]. flashback ends]'' Mai has nothing in common with you. So she may be a little rough around the edges and she can have an attitude every once in a while, but she’d never join up with a bunch of low-lives who have some crazy plan to take over the world. :'''Valon''': We’ll just see. :'''Joey''': Whatever you guys did to her… I’m gonna undo as soon if I’m gonna win this… so why do we moved on! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': I know Valon's around here somewhere and I have to stop this duel now. I better be too late 'cause I’m gonna make Wheeler pay for what he did to me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': Let's try this again. ''[typing the laptop]'' Come on... ''[groans]'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': Hey! Any luck in there, Rebecca? :'''Tea Gardner''': You've asked five times. She's working as fast as she can. :'''Duke Devlin''': Aren't ''you'' the one who told us to have faith? :'''Tristan Taylor''': Why don't ''you'' get off my back, Duke! Joey's in trouble, and it we don't move fast things could get even worse! :'''Tea Gardner''': Take it easy, Tristan. :'''Tristan Taylor''': I can't, Tea! Don't you guys see that this whole thing is my ''fault''!? :'''Yami Yugi''': No, Tristan. :'''Tristan Taylor''': When Joey and I got [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#On_the_Wrong_Track|separated from you guys]], ''he'' told me about his plan, and I should have talked to him out of it then. :''[Flashes back to Joey and Tristan carry Rex Raptor on the railway tracks to find Tea and the Pharaoh, but Joey long face.]'' :'''Joey Wheeler''': I just figured it all out. :'''Tristan Taylor''': Figured what out? What are you talking about, Joey? :'''Joey Wheeler''': Why [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|Mai teamed up with those low-lives]]. It's 'cause I was a terrible friend. I let her down. :'''Tristan Taylor''': That's crazy. :'''Joey Wheeler''': But it's true. If Dartz maybe the one that brainwashed her. But I'm the one that drove her away in the first place. Now I gotta go and set things straight by finding these guys and breaking that spell! :'''Tristan Taylor''': But how? ''[confused]'' Aw, man. :''[cuts back to the present]'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': What was I thinking?! How could I let him do this?! :'''Tea Gardner''': Joey's got a mind of his own, Tristan. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' ''Let's just hope he's using with his legendary dragon the Claw of Hermos.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': My move! ''[draws the card]'' Look out! Now we’re taking. Let’s see stand up to this guy! ''[holds up the "Claw of Hermos" card]'' :''[To Be Continued…]'': ====Part 3==== :'''Tristan''': I can't wait around anymore! ''[grunting]'' Joey needs our help and ''he'' needs it now! :'''Téa''': Tristan, you must chill. :'''Duke''': Téa's right, Tristan. Without Kaiba's tracking system we have no hope of finding him. :'''Tristan''': Am I the only one here who understands what's going on? Joey may be losing his soul as we speak. Let's go! :'''Téa''': I didn't think of it like that. Maybe we should go. :'''Yami Yugi''': Not yet. We have to have faith that Rebecca can find him. Until then I know Joey can take care of himself. He's been in tough situations before. :'''Téa''': Not this tough. :'''Rebecca''': Hey, I did it! I finally found Joey. If this read out's right, Joey's not far, guys. :'''Yami Yugi''': All right, I'll takes this and track him down. You move the trailer to a safer place. :'''Tea''': Not so fast Pharaoh. ''[Pharaoh stops and looks at Tea and Tristan]'' You're not going alone. :'''Tristan''': That's right. We're all this together. :'''Yami Yugi''': I guess You've made up your minds. ''[smile]'' Thank you. Now let's go. :'''Rebecca''': Ahem. :'''Yami Yugi''': Rebecca, You stay here. Duke, can you keep an eye on them until we get back. :'''Duke''': You got it. :'''Rebecca''': No, I want to go, too. Come on, Grandpa. :'''Arthur''': Uh-uh We've got our own work to do. We need your talents back here. :''[Rebecca sighs]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Rebecca, as soon as Joey safe, we'll find Yugi. :'''Rebecca''': Promise me he's all right. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi's going to be just fine. I promise. Please, trust me. :'''Duke''': Come on, man, you don't have a second to lose, so go kick some butt and take names. :'''Yami Yugi''': Well, that's one way to put it. :'''Tristan''': Let's chit-chat later, OK. :'''Rebecca''': Good luck with everything. :'''Yami Yugi''': You, too. :'''Arthur''': If you need us, just call. :'''Yami Yugi''': Right. :''[They ran off together to find Joey]'' :'''Arthur''': Don't worry, Rebecca. ''[Rebecca looks at her grandfather]'' Yugi will be back here safe and sound in no time at all. :'''Rebecca''': But how do you know? :'''Arthur''': Because I believe in the Pharaoh, and you should too. :'''Rebecca''': Fine. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': ''[thinking]'' You're mine, Wheeler. <hr width="50%"/> :''[When Mai showed up and found Valon in the duel with Joey]'' :'''Valon''': Hey, Mai! You're just in time to catch the end of the greatest duel ever played. :'''Mai''': ''[takes off her helmet]'' You and I had a deal, remember!? Joey Wheeler's mine! ''[Orichalcos blocks her]'' Ah! :'''Joey''': Mai, no! :'''Mai''': Look, you've done enough, so why don't you take a hike and let me finish this!? :'''Valon''': Sorry, no can do. :'''Mai''': Huh? :'''Valon''': I'm having way too much fun out here to stop now. Plus this duel is no place for you. :'''Mai''': Why's that? :'''Valon''': There's too much at stake. I won't let you risk losing everything you have. That's why I challenged Joey Wheeler in the first place to protect you. I wanted to get rid of him so you'd be able to move on with your life, and that's exactly what I'm gonna do. :'''Joey''': Guess what, Mai. I'm fighting for same reason. :'''Valon''': Then let's get on with it! Shall we? I can't wait to see what you play next. :'''Joey''': You're gonna have to wait, Valon, 'cause I play one card face down and end my turn. :'''Valon''': Big mistake, pal. ====Part 4==== :''[Joey and Valon were engaged in an armored standoff in the middle of the Oricalchos field]'' :'''Joey''': It's time to activate Big Bang Dragon Blow's special effect! ''[Joey tributes Red-Eyes Black Dragon to make Big Bang Dragon Blow supercharged]'' By sacrificing my Red-Eyes, I made my armored fist even more powerful! Now it's able to destroy all your monsters and subtract their strength from your Life Points! ''[Big Bang Dragon Blow builds up pressure against Valon and Joey sends Valon flying away from the center and destroying his Armor monsters]'' :'''Valon''': ''[skids to a halt]'' You did it. You won. ''[panting and making his Life Points drop to 0]'' Congratulations. Goodbye. :'''Mai''': ''[gasps]'' It's my fault. :'''Valon''': Don't be silly, Mai. I caused my own downfall. I thought if I won I could make you forget about Joey Wheeler. But now I understand why he meant so much to you. The guy's got heart. :'''Mai''': Valon, wait. :'''Valon''': Hey Joey, It's up to you now, Saved Mai. :'''Mai''': Valon! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Great Leviathan... I sense the arrival of powerful soul. Let's see who, shall we? ''[spots at Valon in stone]'' Well... look what the orichalcos dragged in. My former employee. Now it's Miss Valentine's turn to send me a soul... or to give up her own. ''[evily laughter]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mai hold Valon's lifeless body, her eyes full of tears]'' :'''Mai''': Valon. Come back... Valon. :'''Joey''': It's too late. The Orichalcos has him now. ''[Mai remembers to flashbacks to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Deck of Armor|what Valon said]] flashback ends]'' Hey, Mai... We'll get him back. :'''Mai''': How could he do this? Valon's the one who told me you have to duel for yourself. Then he turns around and fights you to protect me? How pathetic. Hmm. He deserved this. :'''Joey''': What? Look, Mai, Valon realized what ''he'' told ''you'' was wrong. ''He'' found out what dueling is really about determination and heart. :'''Mai''': Hmm. :'''Joey''': He fought like a true duelist today. :'''Mai''': I thought you wanted to destroy him. :'''Joey''': Hold on, Mai, Valon may have annoyed me... but no one deserves to have their soul taken away and then held captive by some power-hungry psychopath! I don't care who they are! :'''Mai''': Ha. :'''Joey''': You know what, Mai... ''I'' realize something now. As long as that Orichalcos thing has control over your mind, I'll never be able to talk any sense into you! As a matter of fact, the only way I can save you at this point is to duel you! So, what do you say!? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': I see. So you beat this loser and now it's gone to your head? :'''Joey''': It isn't like that, Mai. :'''Mai''': Why else would you be dumb enough to challenge me a duel? You should have learned your lesson from our last match. :'''Joey''': The only way I can get through to you… is by dueling you! :'''Mai''': If you say so. ''[activates her chaos duel disk]'' :'''Mai and Joey''': Let's duel! ''[their life points to 4000]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': Finally, you're giving me a ''real'' challenge… but you're gonna have to do better than that! 'Cause before my Aero Nail goes to the graveyard, it's transferring its power to my other Harpie! :'''Joey''': Fine! I place one card facedown! Give me your best shot! :'''Mai''': You're pretty confident for someone who's about to lose! Now, stand back! My move! I drew it. :'''Joey''': Oh, no! :'''Mai''': Yup! The Seal of Orichalcos! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': We're both locked in the Seal and only ''one'' of us will escape! No one can come to your rescue now. It's just you, me, and the most powerful magic card that's ever been created! :'''Joey''': I know. I was expecting this. ====Part 5==== :'''Téa''': We gotta find him! :'''Tristan''': Joey! Where are you, man?! :'''Téa''': Hey are you down there?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Joey! Answer us?! :'''Téa''': Hello?! :'''Tristan''': I could swear that Orichalcos thing activated right here. :'''Téa''': Me, too. So why isn't it here now? Unless we're too late! :'''Tristan''': Don't say that, Téa! :'''Yami Yugi''': Hang in there, Joey! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Congratulations. You win. :''[Collapses from exhaustion]'' :'''Mai''': Joey, no! You're wrong. I never attacked so you didn't lose the duel. :'''Joey''': But, I'm too exhausted... to finish. :'''Mai''': I won't let the Orichalcos take you away, Joey. :'''Joey''': It's too late for that. I already lost the duel, so there's no turnin' back. I'm just glad that if one of us had to lose our soul, it didn't have to be you, Mai. :'''Mai''': Don't say that. :'''Joey''': Hey, Mai, that was one of the greatest duels I ever fought. Thank you. :''[His spirit is taken by the Seal, leaving Mai horrified]'' :'''Mai''': Joey! NO! :''[The fragment of the Orchicalcos on her [[w: choker |choker]] shatters]'' :'''Dartz''': She's been set free! ''[spots at Joey Wheeler in stone]'' Ah! But what's this? It seems miss Valentine has served her purpose. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mai hold Joey's lifeless body, her eyes full of tears]'' :'''Mai''': Joey, wait! SNAP OUT OF IT! This is all my fault! I was angry and confused, and I blamed all my loneliness on you! So I tried to get rid of you. How could I be so selfish? You're the only one who ever cared about me. ''[sobbing]'' You're the closest friend I ever had, and how did I repay you? By leaving you for a madman who promised me power. ''[grabs the Claw of Hermos card]'' I'll make him regret the day he ever met Mai Valentine! ''[she hops the motorcycle droves off back to Paradius leaving Joey behind next to Valon.]'' ''The only way to fix this is to meet Dartz face to face.'' :''[Mai arriving back to Paradius headquarters and looks up]'' :'''Mai''': Here goes nothing. :''[?]'' :'''Mai''': Hey Dartz! Is that you? :'''Rafael''': Guess again, Mai. :'''Mai''': Rafael! What do you want!? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Pharaoh, Tristan and Tea arrives and they found a soulless Joey.]'' :'''Tristan''': ''[shocked]'' No way! :'''Tea''': What happened? :'''Yami Yugi''': He lost the duel. :'''Tea''': Wait, Does that mean? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes his soul belongs to Dartz now. ===''Grappling with a Guardian'' [4.30-32]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Téa''': Joey, please say something? :'''Yami Yugi''': I don't think he can hear us. :'''Téa''': Then it's true. The Orichalcos took his soul. :'''Tristan''': When I get my hands on the person who did this to Joey, they're gonna wish they were never born! Wake up, man. :'''Téa''': Who did do this? ''[she looks at the soulless Valon]'' 'Cause by the looks of Valon, I have to say it wasn't him. So Tristan what's going on here? :'''Tristan''': Don't you see Tea? Joey must have defeated Valon and then Mai showed up. ''She'' did this to him. I'm sure of it! :'''Téa''': How could she? :'''Tristan''': Easily. She couldn't wait to get rid of Joey. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's true, Tristan, However, There's only one person we can really blame for all of this, and I think you know who I mean. He hides safely in his fortress while others do his dirty work. Well, not anymore. ''[rans off]'' :'''Téa''': Pharaoh, Wait! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' This all ends now, Dartz. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': ''[voice-over, evilly laughing]'' We've been expecting you, Pharaoh. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Pharaoh looks at soulless Mai in the elevator]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[gasps]'' Mai? Mai, say something. She must have been in a duel, and it appears she lost both the duel and her soul belongs to Dartz now. I must put an end to this. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': Well, It's about time you showed up for our rematch. :'''Yami Yugi''': This doesn't concern you, Rafael. I'm here to see Dartz. Is your master so much of a coward that he sent you to do his battles for him? :'''Rafael''': Not quite. You owe me something. But first. ''[holds a card and he catches the card to the Pharaoh]'' Why don't you take this? :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[spots the Claw of Hermos card]'' It's the Claw of Hermos. Joey's card. So you're the one who defeated Joey, aren't you? :'''Rafael''': Actually, Mai beat Joey, then ''I'' defeated her. :'''Yami Yugi''': But why? Wasn't Mai on ''your'' side? :'''Rafael''': I never trusted her, and turns out I was right all along. ''[Flashback to his and Mai's duel inside Paradius; voice-over]'' After she took [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fighting for a Friend|Joey's soul]], ''she'' turned on us. :'''Mai''': I've had it with your ridiculous world domination mumbo jumbo and I want out! It's time for Dartz to answer for what ''he'' made ''me'' do to Joey. Let's see how ''he'' likes it when the orichalcos captures ''him!'' :'''Rafael''': You sure you don't wanna take that back? Dartz isn't exactly known for his sense of humor. :'''Mai''': So? :'''Rafael''': Then you leave me no ''choice.'' It's my duty to protect him, so goodbye to your soul. ''[activates his chaos duel disk and Mai activates her chaos duel disk, voice-over]'' Biggest mistake she ever made. :''[Rafael defeats Mai and she screaming as the orichalcos claims her soul away.]'' :'''Mai''': Joey! I'm sorry, I tried my best. ''[collapses and drops the Claw of Hermos card.]'' :'''Rafael''': ''[voice-over]'' Unfortunately, her best wasn't good enough. :''[the flashback ends]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': This madness has to stop. Just think of how many innocent lives have been destroyed. You may be next. :'''Rafael''': Do you think I really care? I made a commitment to help Master Dartz save the planet from crumbling at the hands of people like you, and if keeping my promise means giving up my own soul, well, then so be it, 'cause even if I'm captured, I'll be doing my part by giving the Great Leviathan the strength it needs to restore peace to the world once again. :'''Yami Yugi''': Wake up, Rafael! Can't you see that your so-called Master Dartz is just using you to satisfy his own selfish needs? If you really what to save the world, then stop fighting me and join my side. :'''Rafael''': As soon as the great beast is revived, I'm afraid your side will no longer exist, Pharaoh, and all it needs to get started is one more strong soul. :'''Yami Yugi''': Oh no. It's true. :'''Rafael''': You better believe it. as we speak, the Great Leviathan lurks in the shadows all over the earth. And as soon as I defeat you, your life energy will be offered to the beast, giving it the strength it needs to fully cross over into our world. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Tristan and Tea running the streets Tristan carried Joey]'' :'''Tristan''': Why did the Pharaoh take off liked that? :'''Téa''': He must've gone after Dartz for what happened to Yugi. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': As we speak, the most devastating creature that ever lived is waiting to rise again. All it needs now is your soul, and the Sacred Seal of Orichalcos will take care of that once I take you down. Of course, ''I'' already defeated you once, but somehow you were able to cheat me by switching places with someone else. ''[Flashes back to [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Fate_of_the_Pharaoh|their last duel as the Seal took Yugi]].]'' Don't even think about trying to pull a stunt like that gain, Pharaoh. I don't appreciate being lied to, and besides, there's no one for you to hide behind this time, 'cause now it's just you and me. The winner leaves a free man. The loser becomes a prisoner to the beast! :'''Yami Yugi''': You're on! If that's what it takes to set my friends free, then let's duel! And once you're out of my way, I can go straight for Dartz! It's just a shame that a duelist with your talents has to throw it all away by following a madman. :'''Rafael''': Look, Master Dartz opened me up the truth and made me who I am today. You're just jealous because you don't have one of these, right? ''[holds up the Seal of Orichalcos card]'' Well, not anymore, anyway. :'''Yami Yugi''': You can't tempt ''me'' with that again, Rafael. :'''Rafael''': I wasn't planning on it, but you can have one last look at it while you shuffle my deck… for old time's sake. :'''Yami Yugi''': I know what you're trying to do, and it won't work. I won't give in to my dark side! :'''Rafael''': We'll see about that. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' I must stay true to my heart, no matter what he tries to do. :''[The two shuffle their decks]'' :'''Rafael''': May the best man win...and when I do, you'll be gone forever. I'm gonna enjoy this. :'''Pharaoh and Rafael''': Time to Duel! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' I'm surprised he didn't play the Seal of Orichalcos right away. Perhaps he's toying with me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': Now I play Butterfly Dagger. This weapon gives my Backup Gardna 300 extra attack points. It also allows me to summon my Guardian Elma. :'''Yami Yugi''': I've never seen that Guardian monster. :'''Rafael''': There are plenty of monsters in my deck you've never seen, and this one lets me bring my Guardian Shield back from the graveyard. And I'll give it to Guardian Elma. Plus, my Backup Gardna's special ability transfers my Butterfly Dagger to Guardian Elma. Now, Guardian Elma… attack his Queen's Knight! Guardian Grarl, it's your turn now! Attack his King's Knight with Gravity Axe! What now, Pharaoh? What puny knight stands between me and your Life Points? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' He gave up his own strength to save his monster! ''[speaking]'' I'll place two cards face down and end my turn. ''[thinking]'' I've never come across a duelist like him before. He refuses to let any of his monsters go to the card graveyard. He protects them at all costs! Why would a duelist like this hold a card like the Seal of Orichalcos? ''[speaking]'' Rafael, don't you understand what's going on here? As long as you're loyal to Dartz, you'll never be true to yourself. You have too much respect for your cards to use them for such an evil purpose. But Dartz has brainwashed you into believing you're someone else! :'''Rafael''': The only thing Master Dartz did was open my eyes to the truth. :'''Yami Yugi''': You're ''wrong!'' :'''Rafael''': This world is an evil place, and ''you're'' part of the problem. So I'm here to fix that. And thanks to my master, I have just the tool to do it. Now, I play the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Yami Yugi''': NO, RAFAEL! PLEASE, DON'T! :'''Rafael''': Sorry, Pharaoh, it's too late for that now. Your fate is sealed! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Téa''': Hey look guys. It's Mai. :'''Mokuba''': ''[looks at soulless Mai]'' Oh, man. Don't tell me you guys she lost her soul too. :'''Tristan''': I don't mean to sound insensitive, but who's carrying her? :'''Yami Yugi''': You're making a mistake! RAFAEL! NO! ====Part 2==== :'''Rafael''': This time the Seal belongs to me! :'''Yami Yugi''': What were you thinking, Rafael? Now one of us is going to lose his soul. :'''Rafael''': That's the whole point, Pharaoh. The Great Leviathan needs power, and once I take you down and capture your soul, that legendary creature will have the strength it needs to awaken. :'''Yami Yugi''': We'll see. :'''Tristan''': That's the same guy who beat Yugi last time! :'''Seto Kaiba''': ''[shocked]'' What?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': It's time to bring out my ultimate monster, but first I'll play this card, Celestial Sword - Eatos! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' The Sword of Eatos? This can only mean one thing: he's about to summon Guardian Eatos! :'''Rafael''': Now I'll draw two cards. The time has come to play the card that beat you last time. It's my Guardian Eatos! :'''Yami Yugi''': I have to act quickly! With 500 Life Points left, I don't have much time! ''[Guardian Eatos soon becomes infected by the darkness of the Orichalcos]'' Look what you've done to your Guardian! It's been consumed by darkness! :'''Rafael''': Exactly, and it's more powerful than ever now. Nothing can stop it. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Guardian Eatos tries to destroy Yugi's Dark Magician with her Celestial Sword and it breaks, cutting her attack points back to 3000]'' :'''Rafael''': ''[shocked]'' Say what?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Allow me to clear things up for you. A few moments ago, I sent three monsters to my graveyard, one of which saved me. That card was this, my Electromagnetic Turtle! When this monster was destroyed, it created an electromagnetic barrier, shielding my magician from your attack. :'''Rafael''': No way. He had that planned all along! :'''Tristan''': In your face, meathead! :'''Rafael''': ''[thinking]'' The Pharaoh's gonna pay for mocking the power of my Guardian Eatos. ''[speaking]'' I END MY TURN! :'''Yami Yugi''': Perhaps you should've thought twice before you poisoned your own monsters with the dark powers of the Orichalcos. Take it from someone with experience. Betraying your monsters only backfires in the end. :'''Rafael''': You played the Seal of Orichalcos once and all of a sudden you're an expert of the subject? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': You can't win a duel with defense, Pharaoh. All you're doing is stalling for time. Well, I'm afraid your time's just run out. Eatos, destroy his most valuable monster, the Dark Magician! :'''Tristan''': Oh, no! :'''Téa''': Pharaoh! :'''Mokuba''': Do something! :'''Yami Yugi''': Magical Hats, activate! Hide my monsters! :'''Rafael''': What's going on?! :'''Tristan''': Awesome! Magical Hats shuffled Yugi's monsters so Blondie blasted the wrong one. :'''Mokuba''': That's true, but he gets to attack again, so Yugi's magician's still in danger! :'''Yami Yugi''': All right, one of these three remaining hats is concealing my monster, so go ahead! Hit me with your best shot! :'''Rafael''': ''[thinking]'' Three hats and one monster. I know what I have to do. I'll use Elma to improve my odds, then I'll send Grarl to finish things off. ''[speaking]'' Go, Elma! Find his Dark Magician! ''[Guardian Elma strikes her butterfly dagger at the second hat]'' Now I have a 50-50 shot. Guardian Grarl, attack! :''[Guardian Grarl punches the third hat with his fist, Dark Magician appears from the last hat]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Wrong hat! :'''Rafael''': Oh, no! :'''Yami Yugi''': What a shame. Looks like you used up all of your chances. :'''Rafael''': ''[thinking]'' How could I have messed that up?! I was about to win the duel and capture the Pharaoh! ''[speaking]'' My turn's not over yet! I activate my Rod of Silence! This lets me play another Guardian monster, my all-powerful Guardian Kay'est! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After the Pharaoh destroys Guardian Eatos with his Amulet Dragon, Guardian Dreadscythe appears on the field]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[horrified shock]'' What's that?! :'''Téa''': ''[terrified]'' I've got one word: nasty! :'''Tristan''': Here's four: I'm gonna be sick. :'''Yami Yugi''': For the last time, what is that thing?! :'''Rafael''': I told you-- when Eatos goes to the graveyard, '''''this''''' monster is summoned to the field in its place. So say hello to my Guardian Dreadsycthe! :'''Yami Yugi''': Hello and goodbye. It's no match for my dragon! :'''Rafael''': It will be. First, I'll boost its strength with my Reaper Scythe magic card. Now, for the best part, thanks to its new weapon, my Guardian of darkness gains 500 attack points for every monster in my graveyard. :'''Yami Yugi''': But why? I thought you despised having monsters in your graveyard! :'''Rafael''': But I despise ''you'' even more, so what's a few monsters in the grave if it means destroying you forever? And with only 500 Life Points left, you won't last long. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': I know first-hand what the Oricalchos does to a person's heart and I can help you. Think, when Earls was destroyed, you released your anger on your other monsters. You left the Oricalchos feed on your rage like I did. :'''Rafael''': So? What's your point? :'''Yami Yugi''': That this isn't who you really are. The darkness within you has taken control, and now you must face that darkness head on. It's the only way for you to save yourself. :'''Rafael''': ''You'' need to be saved. :'''Yami Yugi''': If you don't believe my words, then maybe this will convince you! :'''Rafael''': What are you holding? :'''Yami Yugi''': A card that forces you to take a closer look at yourself-- Underworld Circle! :'''Rafael''': What on earth does that do? :'''Yami Yugi''': BEHOLD! It's time to take some responsibility for what you've done, Rafael! Underworld Circle, activate! ====Part 3==== :'''Yami Yugi''': First, I'll use the magic of Underworld Circle to bring my Big Shield Gardna back from the graveyard! Then, I'll activate my Pot of Greed! This let me draw two cards. ''[thinking]'' Excellent. That's just the card I've been waiting for! ''[speaking]'' Time to face what you did… when you betrayed your heart! For now, I activate the magic card, Spider Web, which let me use a card from your graveyard! :'''Rafael''': What's the point of all this? :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm using my Spider Web to bring back your Monster Reborn card. And I'm planning on using it to save you by setting you free from the darkness! :'''Rafael''': Yeah, whatever. :'''Yami Yugi''': I use Monster Reborn to revive a creature that once saved your life and that you in turn, deserted! ''[resurects Guardian Eatos]'' :'''Rafael''': Eatos?! :'''Téa''': What's he gonna do with that card? :'''Mokuba''': Hopefully win. :'''Yami Yugi''': One more thing. ''[thinking]'' Joey… I can only accomplish this with your help. ''[speaking]'' I summon The Claw of Hermos! :'''Tristan''': Hey, Joey! Check it out, man! He just summoned your boy! :'''Yami Yugi''': And now, Hermos and Queen's Knight, combine together to form Goddess Bow! That doubles the attack points of Guardian Eatos! And since Eatos has been removed from your graveyard, your Dreadscythe gets weaker! :'''Rafael''': What are you up to? Our monsters are even now. So if you attack, they're both destroyed. But mine comes back! :'''Yami Yugi''': We'll see about that! I have a few more surprises planned! Eatos attack his Dreadscythe, NOW! I activate the special ability of my Goddess Bow! Now every time your Dreadscythe revives itself, Eatos can attack again! :'''Rafael''': No! :'''Yami Yugi''': And don't forget, with each attack, you lose another card! :'''Mokuba''': Of course! If Rafael runs out of cards, his monster can't come back! :'''Yami Yugi''': The dark flame of your Dreadscythe is now extinguished. ===''A Duel with Dartz'' [4.33-38]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Rafael''': Go! Hurry! Stop him! Stop Dartz! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Yes come home my children. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': Dude, what's with all these people chiseled in stone? :'''Téa''': They're just any people! Take a look! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[spots at Yugi, Joey, Mai, Pegasus, Weevil, Rex, Alister, Valon and all many people in stone]'' Oh, no! There's Mai and Weevil! :'''Tristan''': This must be everyone who lost their soul! :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi! :'''Dartz''': ''[voice-over]'' What a touching reunion. Too bad your friends turned out to be a bunch of stiffs. ''[laughing evilly and reveals himself from fire]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Dartz! :'''Dartz''': You were expecting someone else? Well, due to the carelessness of my employees, ''I'm'' the only one left. You can't find good help these days. :'''Kaiba''': Look, I want my company back, so can the small talk! :'''Dartz''': Is that so? Well, guess what? We all want something. As for me, I want your souls for my wall. I even have the spot picked out. :'''Kaiba''': Save it, Dartz! It'll take a lot more than a few party tricks to scare me! :'''Yami Yugi''': Now, for the last time, release our friends! :'''Dartz''': That's not possible. :'''Yami Yugi''': What do you mean? :'''Dartz''': I mean they've already been put to use. As we speak, their life energy supplies to the most devastating creature that ever lived. :'''Téa''': Oh, great. Now, what? :'''Dartz''': My 10,000 year old collection is almost complete. Once I get you two, the beast can rise. :'''Yami Yugi''': Hold on! You've been collecting souls for all those years?! Do you know how many lives you've destroyed?! :'''Dartz''': ''[snickers evilly]'' Millions! And each one of them deserved their fate! Take a moment to look around, won't you? Some of my favorite conquests are in this very room. And since it's taken me millennia to complete, it's quite the history lesson. :'''Tea''': He's right. Look at the outfits on these guys. :'''Mokuba''': So some of these people lived in the past? :'''Dartz''': Now you're catching on. Ever since the Great Leviathan was laid to rest, I've been gathering the energy necessary to fuel its rebirth. :'''Kaiba''': Come on, you expect us to believe that junk? :'''Dartz''': Ye of little faith. Just duel me and I promise I'll make a believer out of you, For when you lose, there will be no denying my power. :'''Kaiba''': Then let's stop talking and start dueling. :'''Yami Yugi''': You can't, Kaiba-- not alone. This lunatic is far too dangerous. :'''Dartz''': So why don't you join him? And when I defeat you, I'll get two souls for the price of one! :'''Yami Yugi''': All right. Ready, Kaiba? :'''Kaiba''': I'm way ahead of you. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Meanwhile… Rafael puts a soulless Valon on the back of the jeep along a soulless Mai on front seat]'' :'''Rafael''': Don't worry, I'll save you both. Mark my words, Dartz is gonna pay. <hr width="50%"/> :''[After the Pharaoh and Kaiba summon Blue-Eyes White Dragon and Black Luster Soldier, both monsters with 3000 attack points]'' :'''Mokuba''': All right! Dartz better watch out! They just summoned two major league monsters on their first turn! :'''Dartz''': Those pathetic creatures may work in your little card tournaments, but I'm afraid ''I'' play a completely different game-- a game in which the winner takes ALL, and the loser pays the ultimate price! This card was born from the darkness itself! ''[echoes]'' Behold, a power that has existed since the dawn of time. The very power that shall strip you of your souls! ''[plays the Seal of Orichalcos]'' :'''Kaiba''': Oh, no! :'''Yami Yugi''': The Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Mokuba''': Whoa. Do you feel that? :'''Tristan''': If you mean the sudden drop in temperature and that freaky evil vibe in the air, then yes, I do. :'''Téa''': ''[worried]'' Me too. :'''Dartz''': Now that I've set the tone for this duel, allow me to continue. Watch this… Arise, Orichalcos Gigas! :'''Yami Yugi''': I faced this beast before, and it was almost impossible to destroy, Kaiba. :'''Kaiba''': That's 'cause last time you didn't have me to bail you out. :'''Dartz''': Next, I'll sacrifice 500 of my Life Points. That let's me summon my Orichalcos Kyutora. And, thanks to the Seal, it gets an additional 500 points. All right. I guess that'll do for now. ====Part 2==== :''[Dartz, Yami Yugi, and Kaiba hovering above the city of Atlantis]'' :'''Dartz''': Behold, the lost city of Atlantis and all its glory. Just as it was 10,000 years ago, a perfect civilization or so I thought. Surrounded by oceans as far as the eye could see, we were isolated from the rest of the world. :''[A scene depicts the once glorious city of Atlantis and all of Earth's creatures]'' :'''Dartz''': Our lives were simple, we existed side by side with all of Earth's creatures and we knew nothing of violence. But, then that changed. :''[a meteor shower rains upon Atlantis]'' :'''Dartz''': Darkness ascended upon us and a strange substance rained down from the heavens. A substance that will change our lives. :'''Yami Yugi''': The Orichalcos. :'''Kaiba''': Please tell me that story time is over, I'd like to duel. :'''Dartz''': The tale of my past directly affects the fate of your future. So if I were you, I pay close attention. :''[it seems the city of Atlantis had changed]'' :'''Dartz''': Now thanks to the stones of the Orichalcos, the people of Atlantis needed advancement in technology that were never before imagine. And soon, I ruled over the most highly developed civilization the world had ever known. However, with progress comes greed and eventually violence, I knew what had to be done. But, my father, former king Ironheart had different ideas. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[shocked]'' Ironheart was your father?! But how? :'''Kaiba''': If you ask questions, this ridiculous story is never going to end. :'''Dartz''': That old fool never had what took to be king and on my 21st birthday, he allowed me to take over and filled his unimpressive shoes. So as technology continued to advance and the hearts of my people continued to seek deeper into the darkness. It was up to me to remedy the situation, the citizens of Atlantis were growing more and more selfish. And if I didn't act soon, I would lose complete control, but even I couldn't have imagine what would happen next. :''[The Orichalcos began to show the true nature of the Atlanteans]'' :'''Dartz''': The Orichalcos began to test us, it revealed the truth about who we were. :''[The people of Atlantis are beginning to turn into monsters]'' :'''Dartz''': Those who were wicked on the inside became wicked on the outside. :''[Meanwhile, Iona is struggling]'' :'''Dartz''': Iona, are you all right? :'''Dartz''': Wait, come back! What's going on?! :''[Dartz soon finds out that his beloved wife also turned into a monster]'' :'''Dartz''': Iona! :'''Dartz''': I didn't realize it first, but the true colors of my people were revealed to me that day. :'''Dartz''': But why? Why is this happening? :''[a bright green light appears in the water fountain]'' :'''Dartz''': I couldn't understand how a society as perfect as ours could crumble like this. :''[He picks up an Orichalcos stone]'' :'''Dartz''': But soon the Orichalcos would answer all my questions. The people of Atlantis were evil and I have been chosen to wipe them out and start over again. But I couldn't accomplish such a task on my own, I was but one man so the Orichalcos gave me a gift, something powerful enough to lead my fight against mankind. For deep below the Earth's surface lives the most incredible creature ever lived, the Great Leviathan! And it was mine, and shortly that this great beast will return to finish what it began! :'''Dartz''': I was ready to begin my task of recreating civilization on Earth, but one person stood in my way. :''[A scene where Ironheart, Chris, and Skye are in the throne room]'' :'''Ironheart''': My son, you know what you have to do. Destroy those Orichalcos stones so we can return the light we once knew. :''[Dartz sitting on his throne with a gold eye]'' :'''Dartz''': ''[laughs]'' Do you honestly believe that we can go back to the way things were. It's too late for that, Father. :'''Ironheart''': But, Dartz... :'''Dartz''': The true nature of our people have been exposed. We now know that the citizens of this planet are evil and must be destroy! :'''Ironheart''': What?! :'''Dartz''': You heard me, old man! We should be thanking the Orichalcos for showing us the truth. Not blaming it for the faults of mankind, but this mysterious substance that rained down above us had open up my eyes. Not only has it showed me what's wrong, it's given me the tools to fix it. For now I have the power to awaken a mighty creature known as the Great Leviathan! And by the power of the Orichalcos, this beast will rise up from the depths of the earth and fight by my side! And when I'm through, I shall rebuild civilization! :''[The stones have summoned an army of Orichalcos soldiers]'' :'''Ironheart''': Dartz! What's going on?! :''[Dartz laughs evilly]'' :'''Dartz''': Meet my Orichalcos soldiers! :'''Chris''': ''[scared]'' Grandpa, I'm scared! :'''Dartz''': If you join my side, you have nothing to fear. If not, farewell. :'''Ironheart''': We'll never join you! Never! Let's go, Chris! :''[They escape from the throne room]'' :'''Dartz''': Have it your way. :''[Dartz appears on his balcony and addresses his army]'' :'''Dartz''': The time has come to cleanse the world of its impurities! So arise my children and conquer the people of Earth! And this planet shall be yours! :''[Meanwhile Ironheart, Chris, and Skye are walking from their city and they enter a cave]'' :'''Chris''': What are we going to do, Grandpa? :'''Ironheart''': Your father is under the control of an evil force and he must be stopped. The future of our planet depends on it. Through there, hurry! :''[Chris and Skye suddenly runs through an carving of monsters on the walls]'' :'''Chris''': What's there? Why are those monsters carved in stone? :'''Ironheart''': We've come here to ask for their help. :''[The scene depicts the battle of Atlantis between Dartz's Orichalcos army and Ironheart's army of monsters]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': And so the Battle of Atlantis began! You see my father had opened up a gateway to the Dominion of the Beasts and he used the monsters within to form an army of his own. :'''Yami Yugi''': Tell me, what was the battle's outcome? :'''Dartz''': Neither side were victorious and Atlantis sunk to the bottom of the sea. My father's monster army were scattered around the world and sealed away until they be needed again. The Leviathan was drained of its power and also sealed away. It's taken me 10,000 years to gather the energy necessary to bring it back. All that's left of me to do is to defeat you two in this duel. Then your souls will awaken the Great Leviathan and my plan will finally come to pass. :'''Kaiba''': Hold on! We already defeated you! Our Master of Dragon Soldier should've wipe out the rest of your life points. :'''Dartz''': Perhaps it should have, but I'm afraid it didn't. Your pathetic attack failed short of its target. So this duel is still on. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Orichalcos Gigas, return! :'''Yami Yugi''': I told you, Kaiba. Each time his Gigas is destroyed, it comes back even stronger! :'''Dartz''': Face it, you'll never defeat me! The power of the Orichalcos will swallow you both! Now back to the duel. Since my Gigas returned to me, I can't draw a card. But no matter, everything I need is in my hand. So I'll enhance the power of the Seal with this-- the magic of Orichalcos Deuteros! ''[laughs evilly]'' :'''Kaiba''': What's going on?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Somehow he's made the Seal of Orichalcos stronger! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Dartz activates the Orichalcos Deuteros spell card, adding another layer to the Seal of Orichalcos]'' :'''Dartz''': Gentlemen, welcome to the second level of darkness! :'''Kaiba''': The what?! :'''Yami Yugi''': I don't know how. But Dartz just added another layer to the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Tea''': Right! So what does that mean? :'''Dartz''': The first benefit of my Orichalcos Deuteros, is the addition of 500 Life Points each turn for every monster I have on the field. Therefore, since I have two, that's 1,000 points! :'''Kaiba''': What?! How are we supposed to wipe him out?! :'''Dartz''': You're not. It makes me invincible! Next, I'll attack your Master of Dragon Soldier! Go, my Orichalcos Gigas! :'''Yami Yugi''': Nice try! But my dragon's too strong! :'''Dartz''': Kyutora, absorb ''all'' the damage! ''[chuckles]'' My Life Points are safe. And now, my Gigas returns! :'''Tristan''': That creep! He's letting his Orichalcos Gigas get its butt kicked on purpose, so it can come back stronger! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' That can't be it. His monster would have to be destroyed seven more times before it could defeat my dragon. So there must be more to his plan. Perhaps the secret lies in his Kyutora, and its ability to absorb attack damage. Yes! That creature must have another special ability! :'''Kaiba''': All right, Dartz, my move! ''[thinking]'' As long as that eyesore is on the field, it's pointless to attack his Orichalcos Gigas because Dartz won't lose any Life Points. Plus, Gigas will just come back stronger. But if I attack Dartz directly, I should be able to win the duel! ''[speaking]'' I place one card facedown on the field! And next… I summon my Blade Knight! And since I have only one card left in my hand, Blade Knight gets another 400 attack points! I think that'll do for now. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' He's setting himself up for something. :'''Kaiba''': ''[thinking]'' Yugi better not screw this up for me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kaiba''': Oh, no! That attack was supposed to hit Dartz, not his monster! :'''Yami Yugi''': It's a force field! But how did he create it? :'''Dartz''': By using the second layer of the Seal, of course. Whenever my Life Points are targeted, my Orichalcos Deuteros steps in to defend me. It's simple. ''I'' make a sacrifice so that your monster takes the hit! You know what that means, right? Your dragon just attacked itself! ====Part 3==== :'''Dartz''': So tell me, Gentlemen, what do you think of my newest soldiers? I'm sure there's no need for any introductions. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's not funny, Dartz. :'''Dartz''': Maybe not to you. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's enough. :'''Kaiba''': Just drop the magic act and let's duel. :'''Dartz''': But we are dueling, you insensible twit. We're just doing it by my rules, that's all. Since I now control the souls of your former friends, I thought it would be fun to let them play along with us. :'''Téa''': Leave them alone! :'''Tristan''': What did they do to you?! :'''Dartz''': You should be thanking me. :'''Yami Yugi''': And why's that? :'''Dartz''': I'm giving you one last chance to see your companions. Before their souls are gone forever. :'''Yami Yugi''': You'll never take them away from us, Dartz! :'''Dartz''': That's right, Pharaoh. Let your anger consume you. Feel the darkness within you beginning to spread. The stronger your rage, the more powerful the Great Leviathan will be when it absorbs your soul. Now where we? Ah, yes. Mirror Knight Yugi. It's time to attack your other half. :'''Yami Yugi''': No, Yugi! Fight it! I know you can hear me! :''[Yugi struggles to fight against Dartz's command]'' :'''Dartz''': What's this? My soldier is still loyal to you? How touching. [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Self_Destruction|Even though you turned your back on him, he refuses to seek revenge]]. That will soon change. :'''Yami Yugi''': We'll see. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Kaiba! :'''Kaiba''': Just save it! That second-rate chump has held me back for the last time! Different Dimension Dragon Attack! :'''Yami Yugi''': No! Don't do this! :'''Kaiba''': Too late! :''[Knight Yugi's shield disintegrates]'' :'''Kaiba''': No way! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': You don't look happy to see me, and after all we've been through. Where's the love? Don't answer that. I've heard enough lies from ''you''. The Pharaoh opened me up to the truth. :'''Dartz''': Really? :'''Rafael''': Yeah, really. Thanks to him, [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Grappling_with_a_Guardian|I was able to escape the seal of orichalcos with my soul still intact]] unlike them and everyone else you used. Now set them free before you end up on that wall. :'''Dartz''': Your soul may have been spared, but it sounds like the orichalcos took what was left of your brain. :'''Rafael''': What's that supposed to mean? :'''Dartz''': It means you're more gullible than ever. Do you honestly think the darkness that once controlled you is gone? :'''Rafael''': Yes. The Pharaoh set me free. :'''Dartz''': Did he... Hmm. Or did he just trick you the way you think I did? :'''Rafael''': Stop it! You're messing with my head. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Rafael, You mustn't listen to him. :'''Rafael''': Everything is your fault. ''You'' took ''me'' from my family. :'''Dartz''': I needed your anger, your thirst for revenge. :'''Rafael''': ''[enraged]'' '''YOU RUINED MY LIFE, YOU MONSTER!''' ====Part 4==== :'''Dartz''': It's time to reinforce the sacred Seal with its most powerful layer thus far! Behold the ancient magic of my Orichalcos Tritos! ''[adds a third layer to the Seal of Orichalcos]'' Welcome to level 3, gentlemen. :'''Yami Yugi''': How can the Seal possibly get any stronger?! :'''Dartz''': We're dealing with a force greater than the darkest shadows and older than time itself. Does that answer your question? :'''Mokuba''': Whoa! :'''Téa''': His Life Points are out of control! :'''Dartz''': Orichalcos Malevolence, use your special ability to switch Kaiba's dragon into attack mode! So I'm afraid this is goodbye. With an attack strength of only 1400, your dragon is far too weak to defend your Life Points. :'''Kaiba''': So that means… :'''Yami Yugi''': You lose! :'''Dartz''': Now my beast, bring Kaiba's soul to me! :'''Kaiba''': Wrong! I activate my Shrink card! :'''Dartz''': ''[chuckles and the third layer of the Seal destroys Kaiba's magic card]'' Is it beginning to sink in yet? When used properly, the Seal of Orichalcos is unmatched by any other card in the game! And due to its third layer, your magic and trap cards are useless against me! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Kyutora has ''another'' ability! Whenever it's destroyed, it '''''evolves!''''' :''[Orichalcos Kyutora is destroyed and Orichalcos Shunoros appears]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Oh, no! What's going on?! :'''Kaiba''': What is that?! :'''Dartz''': My little friend is all grown up, so playtime's over! Gentlemen, I'd like you meet Orichalcos Shunoros! :'''Kaiba''': Did you see what I see?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Unfortunately. :'''Téa''': See what? :'''Tristan''': That thing's got 20,000 points! :'''Dartz''': Don't look so surprised. ''You're'' the ones who created this unstoppable beast! You may have destroyed my previous monsters, but you unleashed something far worse! :'''Yami Yugi''': It can wipe us out in one strike! :'''Dartz''': You're absolutely right, but before I do that, I have some more bad news to share. Orichalcos Shunoros, activate your special ability! Release Orichalcos Dexia… and Orichalcos Aristeros! :'''Yami Yugi''': What's the meaning of this?! :'''Dartz''': Allow me to clear things up. Shunoros just released two more creatures. The first one is known as Dexia, and its attack strength is always 300 points higher than the monster it's battling, making it the perfect sword! And the second one is just as strong. It will intercept every one of your attacks and retaliate with a blast that's 300 points greater than the one you fired, making Orichalcos Aristeros the perfect shield! You'll never get past my triple threat! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' Not only is his monster more powerful than Kaiba's dragon… but with Dexia and Aristeros on the front line, our attacks won't even get through! :'''Dartz''': I activate the trap card, Martyr Curse! This forces one of your monsters to engage in a battle with one of my monsters. And as a nasty little side effect, it cancels out any special abilities your creature may have. And since I don't seem to have much of a choice, I'll target your Mirror Force Dragon! Without its reflecting power, your dragon's completely defenseless, which means you're about to be out one soul! Orichalcos Shunoros, remove Kaiba's Life Points so the Orichalcos can remove his spirit! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Kaiba's Wish of Final Effort trap card increases Yugi's Life Points and loses his soul when his Life Points dropped down to zero…]'' :'''Dartz''': Pharaoh, it looks like you're the soul survivor. :'''Yami Yugi''': You disgust me. :'''Dartz''': I'll tell you what. Since I already have what I need... You can keep the rest of him! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Don't worry, Pharaoh. Your friends are fine. I don't need weak souls. I just wanted to spend some quality time with you, one-on-one. Is that so wrong? :'''Yami Yugi''': That's enough! :'''Dartz''': But there's something I think you'll want to know. You and I met 5,000 years ago when you were king of Egypt. We may not have been officially introduced, but I was there watching you. :'''Yami Yugi''': Go on. :'''Dartz''': When the battle of Atlantis ended, I thought the Great Leviathan was gone forever. That is, until I met you. :'''Yami Yugi''': Hold on! What does that evil creature of yours have to do with me?! :'''Dartz''': I thought you'd never ask. Behold the Palace of the Pharaoh in year 3000 B.C.! Ring any bells? Hmm? ====Part 5==== :'''Joey''': Huh? I've had some weird dreams, but this one takes the cake. Wait, hold on. I remember being trapped in a duel, but... how did I end up floating around in here? :'''Yugi Muto''': ''[offscreen]'' Joey? Is that you? :'''Joey''': Yugi! Long time no see! :'''Yugi''': I'm glad you're all right! :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': Please, bubble boy, you call this "all right"? :'''Yugi and Joey''': Pegasus! :'''Pegasus''': If we don't escape soon, we never will! :'''Joey''': Hmm? Where exactly are we, anyway, Huh? ''[spots at Valon, Mai Valentine, Weevil Underwood, Rex Raptor, Alister, Rafael and Seto Kaiba]'' Wait! Everyone in here had their soul captured! This must be where the orichalcos spits you out after you lose a duel! Aah! Calm down. Maybe it is just a dream. Uh... :'''Yugi''': It's no dream. And take a look, Joey. Things are about to get worse! :'''Joey''': What's that!? :'''Pegasus''': Don't you pay attention? That's the Great Leviathan, and it's using human souls for power. :'''Joey''': It's doing what!? But I don't wanna be turned into soul food! :'''Yugi''': We can still get out of this mess if the Pharaoh defeats Dartz! :'''Joey''': Huh? But how see gonna do that? ''[looks at Seto Kaiba]'' Rich boy's with us now. That means.... The Pharaoh's facing Dartz alone out there! :'''Yugi''': Wrong. Kaiba may have been knocked outta the fight... But the Pharaoh's not alone, Joey. :'''Joey''': I'm afraid I don't follow, Yuge. :'''Yugi''': He's still got all of us. Sure, we're not right there next to him, but we've never let that stop us before. :'''Joey''': Yeah, but I don't know if that's gonna work this time, 'Cause Dartz is playin' by a whole new set a rules. and nothing can take down that orichalcos card. :'''Pegasus''': There is one thing that can help. :'''Joey''': Huh? :'''Pegasus''': It's the card I gave him. And if the Pharaoh draws it, He'll be able to unleash a force like no other. :'''Joey''': In this card can beat Dartz? :'''Pegasus''': Yes. You see, it was during a trip to Egypt that I was inspired to create the game of duel monsters after making an astonishing discovery. Ancient kings and sorcerers once performed dark rituals to conjure real monsters. These creatures were believed to have lived in a universe parallel to ours, and guarding the gateway to this dominion of the beasts were three legendary dragons known as Timaeus, Critias, and Hermos. But you already know about them, right? :'''Joey''': Right. :'''Pegasus''': What you don't know is that these dragons aren't what they appear to be. They were buried with a dark secret. So I created a card that unlocks this mystery. :'''Yugi''': I don't get it. What's the secret? :'''Pegasus''': I spent many years scouring the globe trying to find an answer to that very question, Yugi boy. First I searched the microscopic world for the tiniest clues. then I scanned the vast reaches of the universe, and still nothing. Other than on stone tablet hidden deep beneath the sands of Egypt, there was no record of the existence of these dragons. Then it dawned on me. What if these dragons aren't dragons at all? What if they're humans! :'''Yugi''': Humans!? But how is that possible, Pegasus? and what does it have to do with that mystery card you gave to the Pharaoh? :'''Pegasus''': During the battle of Atlantis, Dartz transformed three brave knights into dragons in an effort to weaken them. Now the Pharaoh must restore them to their original form... Before we disappear forever! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': ''[shocked by the Pharaoh's Millennium Puzzle preventing the Orichalcos to take his soul]'' Impossible! No one can overcome the power of the Orichalcos! You should have lost the duel! What's going on?! Why didn't the Seal take your soul?! Tell me! :'''Yami Yugi''': You forced me to gaze inside my heart, thinking I would find only darkness. But you were wrong. :'''Dartz''': Then you gazed in the wrong place! :'''Yami Yugi''': Look, believe what you wish, but I know the truth. My heart is filled with the light of friendship, and no magic can take that away, no matter how strong it is. So, thank you. You reminded me that my friends are always with me. And we're going to win this fight and take you down together! Dartz… It all ends right now! ''[draws and gasps; thinking]'' It's the card Pegasus gave me! I can sense it! :'''Dartz''': Well? Get on with it. :'''Yami Yugi''': Do you know what's in my hand? The key to unlocking the secret of the legendary dragons! :'''Dartz''': ''[gasps]'' What?! :'''Yami Yugi''': You heard me. Legend of Heart! I give up 1,000 Life Points and remove my Obnoxious Celtic Guardian from the field! This lets me summon Critias, Hermos, and Timaeus in their true form! :'''Timaeus''': Finally! After 10 millennia in captivity, we've been set free! :'''Dartz''': No! Not them! :''[The three legendary knights appear in their true forms on Yugi's side of the field]'' :'''Timaeus''': I am he who is named Timaeus! :'''Critias''': And I am… Sir Critias! :'''Hermos''': I am known as… Sir Hermos! :'''Legendary Knights''': In the name of Atlantis… we have been reborn! :'''Dartz''': ''[shocked in disbelief]'' I thought I took care of you centuries ago! ''[The three knights slam their swords onto the ground and destroy the Seal of Orichalcos; horrified]'' What have you done?! My precious Seal is gone! :'''Hermos''': Your ring of darkness is useless in our presence! :'''Critias''': Did you forget our last encounter? :'''Timaeus''': I certainly did not. And I have a score to settle with you! :'''Yami Yugi''': The time has come to weaken your defense! ====Part 6==== <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': You lose, Dartz. Your 10,000 year quest is finally over. :'''Dartz''': It can't be. I've come too close. All I need is one more powerful soul and the Great Leviathan will arise from the depths of the earth. :'''Yami Yugi''': Too little, too late. Your serpent has been destroyed, and with that, our duel come to an end. Now release the souls of my friends and everyone else you've held captive. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Téa''': ''[in tears]'' It is you, Yugi! :'''Yugi''': Téa? :'''Téa''': I thought we'd never see you again! :'''Yugi''': It's good to see you, too. :'''Joey''': All right, Out of my way people. Where's my little buddy? Ha Ha! Yug! Man did I miss this spikey little head. :'''Yugi''': Hey, Joey! :'''Téa''': The gang is back! :'''Tristan''': Don't forget about me! <hr width="50%"/> ===''Rise of the Great Beast'' [4.39-40]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Dark Magician Girl''': Monsters, unite. Without us all hope is lost. We must join forces with the humans! And together we shall defeat the Great Beast. Now go! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': That Leviathan's a goner! It's 3 on 1 up there! :'''Kaiba''': I see you can count! Unfortunately, numbers aren't everything! :'''Yugi''': You can do this, Pharaoh! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': My Leviathan is fueled by the darkness of my prisoners! :'''The Pharaoh''': Wrong, Dartz! I was able to transform the darkness in their hearts to light! A light which now fuels MY beasts! :'''Dartz''': NO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, PHARAOH?!?! :'''Kaiba''': Hey, look! I guess the Gods did pull through! :'''Joey''': Told ya! That means everyone Dartz captured is free! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': I'm back. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi''': Look! It’s the portal that led us here! :'''Joey''': Alright! Home sweet home here we come! <hr width="50%"/> ====Part 2==== :'''Dartz''': Now, Great Leviathan! Crush the Pharaoh with his own darkness! :'''Yugi''': Let him go! :'''Yami Yugi''': No! Get back! :'''Yugi''': Huh? :'''Yami Yugi''': This is my fight now, I must prove that my rage is gone! ''[Yugi gasps flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|Yami Yugi and Rafael's first duel, the Pharaoh activated The Seal of Oricalcos card]]. flashback ends]'' When I played that card, I unlocked the evil in my heart, Ever since then, I’ve been fighting the anger within me, and now it’s destroying me. :'''Yugi''': But you stopped it… Didn’t you? :'''Yami Yugi''': No, Yugi! Listen. Facing you in that duel was a first step, But there’s a long way to go. ''[grunting]'' The darkness… It’s power knows no bounds. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Self Destruction|Yami and Yugi’s duel in the Stone Wasteland]] flashback ends.]'' :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh! Be strong! Focus on the good inside you! Think of your friends! :'''Yami Yugi''': Of course. As long as I’m filled with the light of friendship, Dartz can’t win. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#A Duel with Dartz|their duel]] and flashback ends]'' Thanks to my friends, I have enough light to banish the darkness! So with the power of everyone in my heart, I shall seal you away! '''BE GONE!''' :'''Dartz''': Great Leviathan, vanquish the Pharaoh's spirit for all eternity! :'''Yugi''': Get out while you can! :'''Yami Yugi''': You must trust me! :'''Dartz''': '''NO! THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE!''' :''[?]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Man''': The hurricane, It seens to be gone. :'''Captain''': Are you sure you're reading that thing right? :''[Back at Monument Valley, Duke Devlin, Rebecca and Professor Arthur Hawkins saw dark clouds are lifting out to the skylight.]'' :'''Arthur Hawkins''': The Darkness is Lifting. :''[Back at Atlantis]'' :'''Yugi''': You did it. ''[Yami collapses he helps him]'' Hey, are you all right? :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm fine, Yugi, The Great Leviathan is gone. :'''Yugi''': Yeah. Thanks, pal. It's over now. ''[spots at Dartz]'' But what about Dartz? :''[Dartz wakes up his dark side is gone then the light glow when Ironheart, Chris and Skye appears]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi, Look it's Ironheart, and Chris. :'''Dartz''': Father, Chris, It's you. :'''Chris''': Dad, you're back! :'''Ironheart''': My son, At long last. And you have the great pharaoh to thank. He drove out the evil force that controlled you. :'''Dartz''': Oh. :'''Yami Yugi''': I knew it. Deep down you're a noble ruler, Dartz. :'''Chris''': And a great father! I've missed you so much, Dad. :'''Ironheart''': Your work here is now complete. You may go in place. Great things await you. So return now to your world by stepping through that portal. :'''Yugi''': But what about you? Are you guys gonna be OK? :'''Ironheart''': Yes, For the first time in centuries. :'''Yami Yugi''': Alright, Yugi let's go back home. :''[Pharaoh and Yugi walked toward the portal and looks at Chris, Dartz, Ironheart and Skye and they walked off enter the portal and disappears Chris looks at her father.]'' :'''Chris''': Hey, Dad. We should go too. After all this time, We have a lot of catching up to do. :''[Dartz smiled agreed with his daughter now the Atlantis is going down to the ocean and splashed towards Dartz's lair.]'' :'''Seto Kaiba''': Mokuba! Start the engines! :'''Mokuba Kaiba''': Seto! :'''Seto''': We have to get out of here. :'''Téa Gardner''': Without Yugi? No way. :'''Joey Wheeler''': Eh? :'''Téa''': Don't you know where he is? :'''Joey''': Don't tell me. :'''Téa''': You mean he's still in there!? :'''Mokuba''': Time's running out! :'''Seto''': Mokuba's right. We can't wait. :'''Joey''': Yugi! :'''Tristan Taylor''': Are you nuts man! :'''Joey''': Get your hands off of me Tristan! I’m not leaving here without Yugi! :'''Tristan''': Joey, we have to trust that he found the way out on his own! :'''Joey''': YUGI! :''[the gang hops in the KaibaCorp helicopter and takes off as Dartz's lair is washed down. Inside the helicopter Téa, Rafael, Tristan, Joey, Kaiba and Mokuba.]'' :'''Seto''': Good riddance. :'''Mokuba''': I just hope Yugi wasn't in there. :'''Téa''': Me, too. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the Hospital Rex and Weevil wakes up was that a dream.]'' :'''Weevil Underwood''': Where am i? Mommy? :'''Rex Raptor''': Hey! Who's said that!? :'''Weevil/Rex''': Huh! Oh! :'''Rex''': What are you doing in my bedroom, Weevil!? :'''Weevil''': Your bedroom!? You're in a hospital, You dimwit! :'''Rex''': What happened!? :'''Weevil''': I know who fault this is. :'''Rex''': ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#On the Wrong Track|Joey's]].'' :'''Weevil''': ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#On the Wrong Track|Yugi's]].'' :'''Both''': '''YOU'RE PAY FOR THIS! YOU HEAR ME!?''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alister''': Mikey, I know you're out there somewhere, And I'm not gonna stop looking until I find you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': ''[wakes up]'' I’m home. ''[thinking]'' Was that all a dream? ''[flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fighting for a Friend|Joey and Valon's last duel]]. Flashback ends he gets up the bed and the card fell off he spotted the Harpie Lady card and holds it walked outside the beach house and smiling looked at the sky]'' I'll never forget you. Thanks Mai. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mai driving on her motorcycle at the beach]'' :'''Mai Valentine''': ''[thinking]'' ''I'm glad that mess is over. Now to pick up the pieces.'' ''[In Mai's flashbacks, it shows the beginning of how she entered the Doma organization, when she met [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#An_Unexpected_Enemy|Yugi's friends and running towards Joey]] [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Fighting_for_a_Friend|before he became unconscious]]. Flashbacks ends]'' ''Sorry Joey. But I can't face you yet. So I'm gonna hit the road until I'm ready to own up to everything for what have I've done. But I'll be back.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dark Magician Girl''': ''[voice-over]'' Yugi, Wake up. :'''Yugi''': ''[wakes up and surprised on the beach and sees the sunset on the ocean.]'' Any idea where we are? :'''Yami Yugi''': It seems we've washed up on shore. But I wonder how. Someone must have guided us here. Hmm. :'''Yugi''': Hey, look! ''[sees Dark Magician Girl along with Timaeus, Hermos and Critias appears]'' It's Dark Magician Girl! :'''Yami Yugi''': And she's brought with her the three legendary knights. :'''Dark Magician Girl''': We four are forever in your debt. Not only have you rescued your own world, But you've saved the creatures of our world as well. Thanks to your fearlessness. The dominion of the beasts can once again flourish just as it did so many years ago. And by breaking the evil spell that imprisoned the legendary knights. They can continue to protect our land. :'''Yugi''': I'm just glad we could help. :'''Timaeus''': Thank you both. You fought bravely. Farewell. :'''Critias''': You two will never be forgotten. :'''Hermos''': For as long as we reign. :'''Yami Yugi''': Well, We couldn't have done it without you. In the face of ultimate darkness, Your couragfousness sparked a light so incredibly strong it will burn for all eternity. :'''Timaeus''': Thank you, Pharaoh. We shall meet again. :''[The legendary knights flying off together.]'' :'''Dark Magician Girl''': The time may come that we need each other again. If so, You know where I'll be. Right there in your deck. :''[she flying off with the legendary knights together then inside the KaibaCorp helicopter]'' :'''Téa''': Look, those weird lights are back. :'''Joey''': Well, that explains why? It's Dark Magician Girl and the three legendary knights. :'''Téa''': I guess they’re going home. Now that their world is safe again. :'''Yugi''': ''[sees "The Eye of Timaeus" card disappears]'' Well, Pharaoh there goes our Timaeus. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes Yugi, There goes Timaeus. :'''Joey''': ''[sees "The Claw of Hermos" card disappears]'' Well, there goes Hermos. :'''Kaiba''': ''[sees "The Fang of Critias" card disappears]'' Oh well... No big deal. My deck's still unstoppable. :'''Téa''': I hope Yugi's all right. ''[spots Yugi on the island]'' Look! :'''Mokuba''': Huh? :'''Joey''': Eh? :'''Tristan''': Huh? Hey! It's Yugi! :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh! Over there! They made it out! :'''Yami Yugi''': You're right. :''[KaibaCorp helicopter lands on the beach and the door open]'' :'''Joey''': Yugi! :'''Tea''': I knew we find you. :'''Tristan''': Hey man! :'''Joey''': ''[giggling]'' I'll never let this spikey head of yours is outta my sight. :'''Tea''': Is it really all over? :'''Yugi''': Yep, we're safe now. :'''Mokuba''': ''[next to Seto Kaiba behind Rafael]'' Hey, Yugi! :'''Joey''': Let's hit the high road folks, I'm sure there's someone else trying to taking over the world back home. :'''Tristan''': You know the scary thing is he's probably right. :''[The gang hops the KaibaCorp helicopter when Yugi sees the Pharaoh watches the sunsets down the ocean.]'' :'''Tea''': ''[offscreen]'' Yugi, is something wrong? :'''Yugi''': I'll be right there, Tea. ''[The Pharaoh and Yugi looked at each other as the sun going down the ocean.]'' ''[voice over]'' ''We may have stopped Dartz, but the Pharaoh's not done yet. Now he has to pick up where he left off before all this craziness started 'cause the biggest adventure of all is still ahead. And it won't be over till the pharaoh unlocks the secrets of his past. He needs to learn who he really is and why he was sent back here. Maybe then his spirit'll finally be able to rest. Well, no matter what happens, one thing's for sure... whatever he finds out there... and whatever he needs to face... he won't have to do it alone.'' ==External links== {{wikipedia|Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (season 4)}} {{Yu-Gi-Oh!}} [[Category:Yu-Gi-Oh! seasons|4]] [[Category:Children's television seasons]] l3yro6ctxio46tw2mhorvjht8wcaq19 3778974 3778970 2025-07-15T02:01:53Z 2001:8003:DD49:F700:70BE:E456:AB7D:24BF /* Reliving the Past [4.20] */ 3778974 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''Seasons''': [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 1)|1]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 2)|2]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 3)|3 Enter the Shadow Realm]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)|4 Waking the Dragons]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 5)|5 Grand Championship and Dawn of the Duel]] | '''Movies''': [[Yu-Gi-Oh! The Movie: Pyramid of Light]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Dark Side of Dimensions|The Dark Side of Dimensions]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh!: Bonds Beyond Time|Bonds Beyond Time]] | [[Yu-Gi-Oh!|Main]] ---------------- The following is a list of quotes from the fourth season of '''''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'''''. ==Waking the Dragons Arc== ===''A New Evil'' [4.01-02]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Rex Raptor''': Ever hear of stepping aside?! :'''Weevil Underwood''': Yeah! What's your problem? :'''Gurimo''': The problem should be yours when I strip you two fools of your souls. :'''Rex Raptor''': Does the Grim Reaper know you've raided his wardrobe? :'''Gurimo''': ''[his eyes glow green, explaining the Orichalcos]'' ''Quod valedico vestrum animus.'' :'''Rex Raptor''': Say what?! :'''Weevil Underwood''': I-I think you just got him mad! :'''Gurimo''': Rise on your feet and Duel! ''[activates his Chaos Duel Disk and Weevil and Rex scream in terror off-screen]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Great deities of domination, I call upon thee. Use the pharaoh's force to penetrate the dominion of the beasts and liberate the fury of 10,000 years. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gurimo''': Your fate is now sealed. ====Part 2==== :'''Alister''': Looks like someone needs a rest. :'''Valon''': The boss warned us that the Egyptian God Cards and the magic of the Orichalcos might not mix so well, didn't he? :'''Alister''': I think that geezer's just getting too old for this. :'''Rafael''': Well, that's why we made him Duel first, right? To test the Pharaoh's strength. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Now why does all these weird stuff always happen to us? ''[Yugi is silent]'' You've gotta admit, it's true. :''[Rebecca runs up to meet Yugi]'' :'''Rebecca''': Yugi! ''[Hugs Yugi]'' :'''Yugi''': ''[Very surprised]'' Uh, hey....you! :'''Rebecca''': Oh no, don't tell me you forgot about me already! :'''Tristan''': Yet another weird event to add to the list. :'''Joey''': And this one tops them all. :'''Tristan''': It's probably best if we don't interfere! :'''Tea''': ''[Leaning towards Yugi]'' Do you know this person, Yugi? :'''Yugi''': Um, I don't think so. :'''Rebecca''': Maybe this will refresh your memory! ''[Holds up a card]'' :'''Yugi''': ''[After flashback]'' Ah, Rebecca! :'''Joey''': It's that brat! :'''Rebecca''': Hi! ''[Big smile; waves her hand]'' :'''Joey''': Wait, she looks different. Did she get a haircut or something? :'''Tristan''': No dude, she traded her teddy bear for glasses. :'''Rebecca''': ''[Hugs Yugi]'' I don't need a bear... now that I've got a boyfriend to protect me! :'''Tea''': Um, excuse me? A boyfriend!? :'''Rebecca''': ''[Another hug]'' My grandpa is also really excited to see you Yugi! :'''Yugi''': Professor Hawkins? :'''Rebecca''': Yeah, he's waiting at the Museum. :'''Tea''': Grrr... ''[Anime vein throb]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arthur''': Remarkable, Isn't it? :'''Solomon''': That's my boy. :'''Yugi''': Hey, guys! :'''Arthur''': Yugi Muto. You're just the person I need to see. I have a theory that all of these monster sightings have something to do with you. :'''Yugi''': Huh. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': Here we are, gang, Home, sweet home. :'''Rafael''': Wait til the boss hears we found the Pharaoh. ===''Legend of the Dragons'' [4.03]=== :'''Rafael''': We located the Pharaoh, Master. Unfortunately, we weren't able to capture his soul. :'''Dartz''': I didn't expect you to defeat him this soon. We've just begun. :'''Rafael''': But you know me, Master. I never come back empty handed. ''[walks forward with a small wooden box, and opens it to reveal the three Egyptian God Cards inside]'' :'''Dartz''': Excellent, the Egyptian Gods. ''[reaches out and takes the three cards in his hand]'' At long last. I've waited an eternity to hold their power in my hands. ''[the cards begin glowing]'' I finally possess the supreme force necessary to awaken the Great Beast! ''[walks to the altar at the far end of the temple]'' Soon we shall rid the Earth of mankind, and rebuild civilization as it once was! ''[places the Egyptian God Cards in the mouths of three huge stone serpents, with Ra in the middle, Slifer on the right and Obelisk on the left]'' Serpents of the Orichalcos, please hear my call! ''[raises his hands in worship]'' I offer thee the Gods of Egypt! Use their divine might to unlock the sacred chamber of the Great Beast! Awaken him from his ancient slumber by accepting my offering! :''[Dartz laughs evilly as the three cards emanate a powerful beam of energy, which then shoots up past the temple roof and into the sky, culminating in an explosion of white light which clears to reveal an array of multicoloured lights floating in the sky]'' :'''Dartz''': The time has arrived, my friends. Finally, after ten thousand years, the Great Leviathan shall rise again! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dark Magician Girl''': We’ve only just begun. The great beast is still weak so he retreated for the moment. And for that my companions and I are truly my Pharaoh. But many of us remain prisoners on the other side. :'''Yugi''': What’s next? :'''Dark Magician Girl''': The great beast will return again… and his power will grow! He must be stopped before he is fully restored! Time is running out! ===''The Creator Returns'' [4.04]=== :'''Dartz''': Rafael! :'''Rafael''': Yes, Master Dartz. ''[kneels before Dartz]'' I know what to do. I'll find the Pharaoh. And this time, I'll make sure we drain his power to feed the Great Beast, sir. :'''Dartz''': Why don't you try listening? It's really a wonderful skill. ''[turns around]'' And when you master it, you'll realise that we need more than just the Pharaoh's soul! :'''Alister''': Then we'll deal with the others too. I'll take Kaiba. :'''Valon''': I got my eye on someone too. That feisty little bloke Joey Wheeler. ''[laughs]'' He should be fun to take apart. :'''Alister''': I know why you're after Wheeler. :'''Valon''': Mind your own business, Alister! What about you? Why the sudden interest in Kaiba? :'''Alister''': Look, I have my reasons, Valon. :'''Valon''': Really?! :'''Rafael''': Knock it off! We're in the presence of Master Dartz! :'''Dartz''': The Pharaoh and his friends are on his way to speak with the one we've been watching. Just make certain that you reach him before they do. :'''Rafael''': Pegasus? :'''Dartz''': And to think, I called you a bad listener. Now go see Pegasus at once! :''[Alister and Valon join Rafael in kneeling before Dartz]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': I can’t believe the very monsters I made famous and now terrorising people around the world. Oh. Talk about bad publicity. :'''Mai Valentine''': Do you always talk to yourself like that? :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': ''[turns looks at the window shelf a strange figure is Mai Valentine]'' Huh? :'''Mai Valentine''': You got to get yourself some friends, honey. :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': But how did you get past my security? :'''Mai Valentine''': I guess your office isn’t as secure as you think it is, money bags. :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': I know you, you’re Mai Valentine. Tell me, why did you come here? :'''Mai Valentine''': Good question. I came here to duel you. And to take your soul. :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': '''NO!''' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Yugi and his friends at the airport]'' :'''Yugi''': I'll see you soon, Grandpa. :'''Solomon''': Take care, Yugi. And don't forget to keep your seats upright during takeoff. And don't fill up on peanuts. :'''Yugi''': Sure, bye, Grandpa. :'''Tea Gardner''': Well, we're off. :'''Joey Wheeler''': Thanks for the ride. :'''Solomon''': You kids be careful, now! :''[Weevil and Rex are sneaking to followed Yugi and his friends to hiding in the bag.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pegasus''': Kaiba boy! I missed you! ===''Deja Duel!'' [4.05-06]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Mokuba''': Seto, We're approaching Duelist Kingdom. :'''Seto''': I'll try to make this quick. The less time I spend here, the better. :'''Mokuba''': Me, too. This place has nothing but bad memories. :'''Seto''': Initiate the landing sequence now. :'''Mokuba''': You got it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pegasus''': I just haven't been myself lately. in fact... ''[in Alister's voice]'' I mean that quite literally. :'''Mokuba''': What's going on? :'''Alister''': Surprise! ''[chuckling]'' :''[he rips himself off, revealing Alister]'' :'''Alister''': I've waited for this day for a long time, Kaiba-boy. :'''Seto''': You're gonna pay for tricking me like that! :'''Alister''': ''[as Pegasus' voice]'' Pretty good imitation, right? :'''Seto''': Identify yourself. :'''Alister''': ''[normal voice]'' Alister's the name, Kaiba boy! Now let's duel! ''[activates his chaos duel disk and draws a card]'' Hm. ''[holds up "The Seal of Orichalcos" card]'' This magic card is about to change everything. Activating the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Seto''': What's that? :'''Mokuba''': This is nuts! :'''Seto''': Explain yourself now! :'''Alister''': Oh, as if you're gonna believe me? :'''Seto''': Try me. :'''Alister''': We're trapped in here till the duel's over. Then once I crush you, I'll be able to get out. Hmm. Of course, you on the other hand won't be quite as lucky as myself Kaiba boy. :'''Seto''': What do you mean? :'''Alister''': When you lose, your soul will be locked away for all eternity... But this time, you won't be set free! :''[To Be Continued...]'' ====Part 2==== :'''Alister''': Let's get on with this. I summon Gorlag in attack mode! And here's a little bonus. :'''Seto''': Your monster just got stronger! But how?! :'''Alister''': Remember the Seal of Orichalcos? As long as it stays active on the field, every one of my monsters gets 500 attack point boost. :'''Seto''': What?! :'''Alister''': You heard me. Plus, my Gorlag gets another 500 points for every fire monster on the field. :'''Seto''': There are none! :'''Alister''': Oh, no? What do you think my Gorlag's made of? Ready, Gorlag? Attack his Versago the Destroyer, now! ''[Gorlag attacks Seto's monster and it reappears on his side of the field]'' :'''Seto''': ''[thinking]'' What's that?! :'''Alister''': Did I forget to mention my Gorlag's ''other'' special ability? Every time he destroys one of my opponent's monsters, that very same monster reappears on ''my'' side of the field-- only this time, it becomes a creature of fire! And you remember what happens when a creature of fire is on the field, right? My Gorlag gets even stronger! It's over for you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alister''': It used to be my brother's! But I'll never see him again… 'cause your father took him away from me! <hr width="50%"/> ===''An Unexpected Enemy'' [4.07]=== :'''Rafael''': Someone out there likes to crash parties. Let's find out who. ''[drives off]'' :'''Valon''': I already know. And I know just where she's going too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Don't we get a "hi"? What's with the silent treatment, Mai. :'''Mai''': I'm not Mai. at least not the Mai you knew. :'''Joey''': What? :'''Mai''': You heard me. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#The Creator Returns (E.4)|she and Pegasus' duel at Industrial Illusions]], flashback ends.]'' Alright, gang. ''[holds up the card is Maximillion Pegasus' soul is captured by the Seal of Orichalcos]'' Say hello to Pegasus. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[shocked]'' What? :'''Tristan''': Whoa... Is that really him? :'''Téa''': Ah... Question: Did you do that to him? :'''Joey''': Look! You better start talking! :'''Valon''': ''[offscreen]'' or else what!? :'''Joey''': Huh? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Joey, Yami Yugi, Téa and Tristan spots at Valon and Rafael on top]'' :'''Valon''': What's the matter, Wheeler, did your little reunion with Mai not go as well as you expected it to do? ''[to Mai]'' And you! Why are you keeping these guys all for yourself, Mai? Why don't you show some manners and share the fun with us? :'''Mai''': Mind your own business, you lackey. These geeks are mine, so deal with it. :'''Joey''': Geeks!? But we're your friends, Mai. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_3)#One_for_the_Road|Joey and Mai after the battle city finals]]]'' Please, Mai! Tell me this is all a joke! You're on ''our'' side, remember?! :'''Tristan''': Great. Mai totally sold ''us'' out! :'''Téa''': No! Mai would never do that! Tell him. You're still ''our'' friend, right? :'''Yami Yugi''': Time to explain yourself. :'''Mai''': I was never a ''part'' of your little playgroup. And now I'm gonna break you apart one-by-one. ''[activates her chaos duel disk]'' And Wheeler… I'm starting with you! :'''Joey''': Fine! :'''Mai''': It's payback time, and it all starts, now! And to think, I was once pathetic enough to call you my friend. But now I know the truth! You were holding me back from achieving true power! So say hello to my real friend… THE SEAL OF ORICHALCOS! This card's done for me than you losers ever could! ''[activates the card, trapping Joey and herself in it]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': No! Not this! :'''Mai''': ''[chuckles sinisterly]'' If you're scared now, just wait till you lose. :'''Joey''': Wake up, Mai! This thing's nothing but bad news! It's messing up your head, big time! Don't you remember everything we've been through together? Just ditch that freaky card, and things can be the way they use to be! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': It's exactly as I feared. The Orichalcos controls her! This duel must end. :'''Téa''': Otherwise, she's gonna do the same thing to Joey that she did to Pegasus! ===''My Freaky Valentine'' [4.08-10]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Mai''': What are you waiting for, Wheeler? :'''Joey''': I'm waiting for you to come to your senses! :'''Tristan''': She's lost it. How can she side with the enemy?! :'''Téa''': It's all because of that Orichalcos thing! :'''Yami-Yugi''': Now, one of them will lose their soul. :'''Téa''': No, you can't do this! Don't you see you're letting that magic card control you, Mai! You're putting your own life in danger! :'''Yugi''': They can't go through with this! We've got to do something! :'''Yami-Yugi''': But the Puzzle is powerless against that seal. :'''Valon''': Ey, Pharaoh! Quit mumblin' to yourself down there, will ya? In case you didn't realize this last time, nothing can break the Seal of Orichalcos! Once it appears, it doesn't disappear until a soul's been captured! :'''Rafael''': And don't think you're off the hook, Pharaoh. As soon as the girl takes your friend's soul, I'm takin' ''yours''. :'''Mai''': Get back in your cage, gorilla boy! When I'm done with Wheeler… Yugi belongs to ''me!'' :'''Yami-Yugi''': But why? :'''Téa''': ''She's'' nuts! :'''Rafael''': I never liked her. No respect. Any more lip from Mai and she's next. :'''Valon''': Aw, give the girl a break, will ya? She's still new at all this, mate. Plus, she's kinda cute when she gets mad, don't ya think? :'''Rafael''': Uh, no. :'''Mai''': When are you gonna make your move, hotshot? This year would be nice. :'''Joey''': What did I say?! ''I'm'' not gonna duel ''against'' you, Mai! :'''Mai''': Afraid you're not good enough? Afraid you're gonna lose like you did in Battle City?! I shoulda known you'd back down! :'''Joey''': Actually, I'm afraid I'm gonna win. 'Cause if I do… You're gonna pay for it by givin' up your soul! :'''Mai''': I have no soul! :'''Téa''': ''[shocked by what she said]'' You hear that?! :''[Valon whistles]'' :'''Mai''': I told you, the Mai you knew is gone! I traded in her soul for power! The old Mai was too lonely and pathetic. The girl was just holding me back. So I did what I had to! I sent her packing! Now, my weak side's gone for good! :'''Joey''': Well, I happen to have liked the old Mai and I'm gonna get her back! :'''Mai''': I'd like to see you try! :''[Joey activated his duel disk]'' :'''Tristan''': He's gonna go through with this?! :'''Téa''': Be careful, Joey! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mai activates her Nightmare Tri-Mirror trap card to transform the reflection of Joey's Scapegoats into four more Harpie Ladies, thus giving her a total of six Harpies]'' :'''Tristan''': Wait just a second, she can't have six monsters in play! :'''Yami-Yugi''': Remember, Tristan, thanks to the Seal of Orichalcos, Mai is allowed to have up to ''ten'' monsters on the field at once. :'''Tristan''': D'oh! Stupid magic thing! :'''Mai''': Now this is what I call, "girl power!" You're up against six Haripe Ladies all enhanced with the power of my magic card! I place one card facedown on the field. It was nice knowin' ya! I've got six Harpie Ladies and one big magic circle, and we all agree you're in over your head, Wheeler. Lucky for you, it's your move or I'd finish you off right now. So what's it gonna be? :'''Tristan''': There's nothing he can do! Mai backed Joey into a corner and now he's stuck there! :'''Yugi''': Tristan's got a point. If Joey doesn't do something quick, Mai is gonna win the duel! :'''Yami-Yugi''': That's true. And as long as the Seal of Orichalcos is on the field, Mai has all sorts of advantages. It even seems as though there are certain magic and trap cards that only she is allowed to use. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': I summon Panther Warrior in attack mode! Now, I sacrifice one scapegoat so my panther can attack! :'''Mai''': I reveal my facedown card! Harpie Lady Sparrow Formation! :'''Joey''': What?! :'''Mai''': My Harpie Ladies have all joined forces to repel your attack! :'''Tristan''': Mai didn't have that card back in Battle City. :'''Téa''': You're right. :'''Yami-Yugi''': It seems as though she's gone through more than a few changes since the last time we saw her-- including a stronger deck! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Look, Mai... I don't know what kind of spell these guys put on ya but you gotta wake up! Otherwise we're both gonna be in pretty big trouble! :'''Mai''': What spell!? No one's controlling me! ''[looks up on Valon and Rafael]'' Those two lackeys up there couldn't control my left pinky. ''I'' was sick of my life... So I ''chose'' to change it! :''[Téa, Tristan and the Pharaoh gasps and horrifying]'' :'''Joey''': ''[shocked]'' No way! :'''Téa''': How could you!? :'''Mai''': You guys wouldn't understand. You've never been an outsider like me... All alone. Duel monsters is all I have. And after [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 3)|the Battle City tournament]], I set out to become the best. I duel against chump after chump to improve my dueling skills. I needed to make a name for myself. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': I stopped whining like a loser and started taking control! Now nothing can stop me! :'''Joey''': I never knew you felt that way. Why didn't you tell us you were so unhappy? We could've helped you, Mai! :'''Mai''': SAVE IT! I don't need your kind of help! All I need now is power! And I'm about to unleash all of it on ''you!'' ''[draws]'' I play Harpie Lady Phoenix Formation! Since I have six Harpies on the field, it lets me destroy up to six of your monsters! :'''Tristan''': Hold on! Joey's only got three left! :'''Téa''': That means once Mai's Harpie Ladies attack, he'll be defenseless! :'''Yami-Yugi''': That's not all. Mai's magic card will also subtract the sum of Joey's monsters' attack points from ''his'' Life Points. :'''Mai''': Now, Harpie Ladies… unite and destroy every one of his monsters! Say goodbye to your three monsters, Wheeler! Someone is one attack away from losing their soul and I don't think it's me, sweetheart. Any last requests? :'''Tristan''': Mai's got 4000 points! She hasn't even lost one! And Joey's down to his last 200! Not to mention the fact that he's out of monsters! :'''Téa''': If he doesn't think of something right now, he's gonna lose the duel! ====Part 2==== :'''Yugi''': There is a way for Joey to end this duel without someone getting hurt, isn't there? :'''Yami-Yugi''': Yes, but it won't be easy. The Seal of Orichalcos is powerful. However, it does have limitations. It can only capture a soul when a duelist loses, and there it lies the secret to escaping its wrath. :'''Yugi''': I don't get it. :'''Yami-Yugi''': Let's hope Joey does. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': ''[spots at Weevil and Rex outside]'' It's a regalia party, What are you guys doing here? :'''Weevil''': It's that magic circle! :'''Rex''': Yeah! The same one we were trapped in! :'''Mai''': I sacrifice my two Harpies! That allows me to summon Harpie's Pet Dragon! And thanks to the Seal of Orichalcos, it gets 500 more points! Plus, it gets another 300 points for every Harpie I have on the field! :'''Yami-Yugi''': Now it has 3,400 points! :'''Mai''': It's been nice knowing ya, Wheeler! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Joey picked his own trap card in the middle, canceling Mai's attack]'' :'''Joey''': YEAH! Bingo, baby! :'''Tristan''': I knew he could do it! :'''Téa''': You go! :'''Weevil''': Now that's luck. :'''Rex''': Yeah, next time I play Bingo, I'm bringin' him! :'''Valon''': Well, there goes your theory. :'''Joey''': Looks like your last attack didn't work. So I'm still in the game! :'''Mai''': For now, maybe. :'''Téa''': That's cool. At least Joey bought himself a little time. :'''Yami-Yugi''': Yes, but it did come with a price, Téa. :'''Mai''': Impressive. But your little maneuver helped me out, too. :'''Joey''': Yeah, I know. Now you get to put the two cards you picked at the top of your deck. :'''Téa''': Oh, no! Now she can use those two cards again! :'''Yami-Yugi''': Harpie Lady Phoenix Formation and Harpie Sparrow Formation. Those are two of Mai's most powerful cards! :'''Mai''': You may have stopped my attack but my turn's not over. Next, I'll move one of my Harpie Ladies to my rear defense. And then, I'll place two cards facedown and end my turn. :'''Joey''': ''[thinking]'' I've got one more shot to do this, but I'm all out of ideas! ====Part 3==== :'''Rafael''': Valon, what are you doing!? :'''Valon''': With this fragment of the Orichalcos stone… I unlock the seal! :'''Rafael''': No! ''[jumps down]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami-Yugi''': Joey, are you alright. Joey! :'''Tristan''': Oh man. :'''Téa''': Why did he do that? :'''Rafael''': What were you thinking, Valon? You betrayed Master Dartz and risked your own soul! And you mean to tell me you did all that so you just saved some girl, Valon. :'''Valon''': She's not just some ''girl'', Rafael! :'''Rafael''': Would ''you'' listen to yourself, Valon!? ''[growls]'' I'll make up for this… By taken ''your'' soul, Pharaoh. The power around my neck puts your Puzzle to shame. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami-Yugi''': Joey! :'''Tristan''': You're okay, man! :'''Téa''': Joey! :'''Tristan''': Don't give up on us now. :'''Téa''': Joey. :'''Joey''': Where's Mai? Did those punks take her? :'''Téa''': I guess so. :'''Tristan''': Yeah. She gone. :'''Joey''': ''[gasps]'' Oh no, I was so close. ''[groans]'' I'LL GET YOU BACK, MAI! ===''The Challenge'' [4.11]=== :'''Seto Kaiba''': No way! My mind must be playing tricks on me! :'''Joey Wheeler''': I doubt that. My card seens to be doing the same thing, Kaiba! :'''Yami Yugi''': It feels as though these three dragons are calling out to us. :'''All''': Uhh! :'''Yami Yugi''': I was told that fate had chosen three modern-day warriors to release these legendary beasts. :'''Kaiba''': Chosen by fate? Get real. I'm the one who decides my fate, Yugi! Not some fairy tale about mythical dragons and giant man-eating monsters. :'''Yami Yugi''': Be reasonable for once! The world needs us! We do this as a team! :'''Kaiba''': Sorry... I don't do the teamwork thing. :'''Yami Yugi''': Listen! :'''Kaiba''': You geeks have wasted enough of my time already. I have a multi-million dollar company to run. Playtime's over. :'''Yami Yugi''': Kaiba! :'''Mokuba''': Seto.... wait up! :'''Joey''': We don't need him weighing us down anyway. With good old Hermos over here those hoodlums won't stand a chance. :'''Tristan''': Someone's back to their old self again. About time. :'''Joey''': It took me a while, but I realized being bummed out about Mai's not gonna bring her back. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': ''[angrily]'' What were ''you'' thinking?! I was just about to finish off Wheeler, and then you had butt in and ruin everything! :'''Rafael''': You're a real piece a work. He saved your soul, and this is how you repay him? :'''Mai''': Who asked to be saved?! Maybe next time, He'll learn to butt out! :'''Rafael''': Next time... We'll just let you lose. :'''Valon''': That's enough, mate, I'm fine! :'''Mai''': Yeah, Clam up, or you'll end up just like your friend here. :'''Rafael''': ''[stands up]'' ''You'' have no idea the danger you were in. :'''Mai''': Huh? :'''Rafael''': Do you remember that Hermos card Wheeler played? It's an ancient dragon that can only be controlled by a chosen duelist. :'''Mai''': Ha! Yeah, ''he'' was chosen all right! Chosen to have that scrawny butt of his kicked by a real duelist! Humph. ''[hops on Valon's motorcycle]'' Later, losers! ''[droves off]'' :'''Valon''': Hey, wait! That's mine! ''[coughs]'' :'''Mai''': ''[thinking]'' ''You'' won't escape me this time, Wheeler. :'''Valon''': I can't let Mai get hurt. I gotta stop her. :'''Rafael''': Forget about her, Valon. Let's focus on the Pharaoh. :'''Valon''': But Master Dartz said to wait. :'''Rafael''': Yeah, Well, Master Dartz doesn't always know what's best. I should take the strongest soul first. Once I get him out of the way, The others will fall right into my hands, one by one. :'''Valon''': But how do you know the Pharaoh will duel? :'''Rafael''': Because my plan is already in place. It's only a matter of time. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': A duel monster's card? ''[spots a note from Rafael and gasps]'' GRANDPA! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': You sure this is the place? :'''Yugi''': Professor Hawkins! Rebecca! :'''Rebecca''': Yugi. :'''Yugi''': Rebecca. What happened here? :'''Rebecca''': ''[in tears]'' Yugi… they tooked him. ''[starts to cries]'' My poor Grandpa! ''[sobbing]'' It’s not fair! He didn’t hurt anyone! :'''Yugi''': We’re gonna find him… I promise. :'''Rebecca''': Thank you. Who would do something like this?! <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi''': Oh, no! How far away is [[w:Death Valley|Death Valley]]? :'''Rebecca''': Well if we use Duke's car, it shouldn’t take us more than an hour or so. :'''Yugi''': Sorry, Rebecca… But I have to go alone. :'''Rebecca''': Why? :'''Yugi''': I’ve put you and your family in enough danger already. :'''Rebecca''': Uh-uh. Don’t be silly, Yugi. None of this is your fault at all. :'''Yugi''': Thanks, Rebecca. But It’s me they want, and you’ll be much safer here. And please, don’t tell Joey, Tristan, Téa and the other guys where I’m about to go, OK? :'''Rebecca''': But why? :'''Yugi''': I don’t want them to follow me there. :'''Weevil''': Interesting. :'''Rex and Weevil''': ''[looks at each other]'' Hmm? <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi''': Ready, Copernicus. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arthur''': Rebecca, Where's Yugi? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': We’ll keep an eye out on Rex and Weevil, I don’t trust those two. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Weevil''': We can't miss the showdown between Yugi and those guys. I have to find out how they made Mai into such a strong duelist. :'''Rex''': Can't we take a quick snack break? :''[Weevil and Rex spots Yami Yugi riding on Copernicus]'' :'''Weevil''': It's Yugi, he's getting ahead! :'''Rex''': No put the pedal to the metal! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': ''[looks after her grandfather was asleep and holds Ties of Friendship card what Yugi gives her]'' Be careful, Yugi. Please. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': I'm ready for you, Pharaoh. Thanks to my deck... and the power it holds. ===''Fate of the Pharaoh'' [4.12-14]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Rafael''': Very impressive, cowboy, But You'll need more than a few rodeo tricks to get yourself outta this. ''[Pharaoh crossing the bridge]'' You see, While my associates are satisfied with stealing the souls of your friends, I'm not. :'''Yami Yugi''': I did my part. Now you release the Professor Arthur Hawkins as you promised. :'''Rafael''': He's already been set free, but since you've come all this way, you might as well stay awhile. ''[?]'' So you're gonna stick around, right? 'Cause like I said before, Pharaoh, your friends aren't good enough. I need to capture the soul of the pharaoh himself so I can save the world. :'''Yami Yugi''': Save the world? Don't you see that what you're doing is going to ''destroy'' the world? or are you so insane that you can't tell the difference? :'''Rafael''': I'm just fine. It's you who's blind to what's going on. You're fighting on the wrong side. :'''Yami Yugi''': Explain yourself. :'''Rafael''': This world's a dark and lonely place to live. It's been poisoned by mankind. All I'm trying to do is fix what's been ruined by people like you, and I'll do it by locking your spirit away for good. :'''Yami Yugi''': Who do you think you are? :'''Rafael''': Look, The name's Rafael, and I called you here to duel, not shoot the breeze. I've waited for this moment long enough and I have no intention of putting our fight off for another minute, so let's go. :'''Yami Yugi''': You've given me no choice. But know this, in the end righteousness will prevail and justice shall be served. ''[activates his KC mass production duel disk]'' :'''Rafael''': That's just what I'm hoping for. ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' :'''Pharaoh and Rafael''': Let's duel! ''[their life points to 4000]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rex Raptor''': Hey Weevil, Check it out. :'''Weevil Underwood''': Yugi started dueling already. ====Part 2==== :'''Rafael''': Well, for starters, He's a better leader than you were. That's right Pharaoh. My master told me all about your history as the king of Eqypt; How you ruled as an evil dictator using the power of the shadow realm to control your subjects. :'''Yami Yugi''': Wake up. ''He'' lied. :'''Rafael''': How would you know? You have no memory of your past. So isn't it possible that you're responsible for the destruction of Egypt?! Think about it! :'''Yami Yugi''': It can't be. I know I was a worthy pharaoh. I'm the one who locked the dark magic away! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh, no! :'''Yami Yugi''': Let go! :'''Yugi''': No! You don't know what you're doing! :'''Yami Yugi''': Let go! :'''Yugi''': Listen to me! This card is affecting your mind! :'''Yami Yugi''': We're going to lose the duel! Can't you see?! Trust me! It's the only way, Yugi! We must do this! Now let me go! :'''Yugi''': Please don't play that card! :'''Yami Yugi''': Now I activate the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Rafael''': ''[thinking]'' ''Excellent''. :''[The Pharaoh activates the card]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''What have I done?'' :'''Yugi''': No! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Do you guys see what I see!? :'''Tristan''': Is that light what I think it is!? :'''Joey''': The Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Rafael''': Nice work, Pharaoh. I knew you had it in you. Now, let's see what the Orichalcos reveals about you. Are you good or are you evil? So, tell me. How do ya feel? ''[laughing]'' :''[To Be Continued...]'' ====Part 3==== :'''Yami Yugi''': What have you done to my dragon!? :'''Rafael''': It's not what I've done.... It's what ''you've'' done by playing that magic card. Guess I should warned ya. Timaeus and the Orichalcos don't mix. But at least your dark side's been set free. :'''Yami Yugi''': What have I unleashed? ''[screaming]'' You were a fool to hand me this card! For when you lose, you soul will be for all eternity where it belongs! Now I activate Hand Control! All I need to do is correctly guess the name of a card in your hand and I can activate it! And since I gave you the necromancy card, I know you're holding it! Now it's mine! Ha! Necromancy allows me to bring four monsters back from my graveyard! So return to me Big Shield Gardna... Berfomet... Gazelle the king of mythical beasts... and Kuribabylon! Next I'll sacrifice Gazelle and Berfomet so I can summon my Dark Magician! Then I'll separate my Kuribabylon into the five Kuriboh brothers I used to create it! Now my monsters, feel the power of the orichalcos! <hr width50%> :'''Yugi''': Hey, where am I? The Seal of Oricahlcos! No! ''He'' played it! What have you done, Pharaoh? <hr width50%> :'''Joey''': YUGI! :'''Tristan''': No way, dude! :'''Joey''': What's going on? Why's that oricahlcos thingy on Yugi's forehead. :''[Joey, Tristan and Duke jumped in next Weevil and Rex.]'' :'''Rex''': You guys just missed the best part. :'''Duke''': Yeah? Then why don't you two fill us in. :'''Tristan''': I don't trust these twerps as far as I can throw 'em. :'''Joey''': Hey! ''[grubs Weevil]'' My best buddy's got that freaky ding on his head and I want answers now! :'''Weevil''': Why don't you take your paws off of me and try asking nicely! :'''Joey''': Wrong answer. Now it's go time! :'''Weevil''': Don't hurt me, Don't hurt me... :'''Rex''': It's the Seal of Oricahlcos! :'''Weevil''': ...Don't hurt me, Don't hurt me... :'''Rex''': Yugi got it from that big muscle guy and then activated it! :'''Weevil''': ...Don't hurt me, Don't hurt me. :''[Joey lets go off Weevil and he, Tristan and Duke gasps sees Yami Yugi faces Rafael and he using that evil spell card in horrified and Weevil panting.]'' :'''Joey''': Yugi ''wouldn't'' do that! He knows that card is ''evil!'' :''[The Pharaoh growls as the Orichalcos appears on his forehead]'' <hr width50%> :'''Weevil''': Alright, guys, If Yugi loses I call dibs on his Dark Magician. :'''Rex''': That's not cool. Why don't you show some compassion for a change... and let me take his Dark Magician. :'''Joey''': Watch it! <hr width50%> :'''Joey''': That doesn't sound like to Yugi I know. Come on pal... Snap out of it! <hr width50%> :''[In the far corners of Yugi's subconscious mind]'' :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh, NO! The Seal of Orichalcos is in play! So the monsters on the field are real! Please don't sacrifice the Dark Magician Girl! <hr width50%> :'''Tristan''': Earth to Joey, are you there, man? :'''Joey''': I'm here, but Yug's not. he's brainwashed! :'''Tristan''': Say what?! :''[Duke gasps]'' :'''Joey''': He's sacrificing his monsters left and right and talking about "power." That's not Yugi's style a duelin' at all! That oricahlcos ding is messin' with his head! Just like it did to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|Mai!]] :''[In the far corners of Yugi's subconscious mind]'' :'''Yugi''': ''[in tears]'' How could ''he'' do this? That card is evil. I warned him. <hr width50%> :'''Rafael''': You let your rage take over. Now look into the eyes of your monsters! :'''Yami Yugi''': Please forgive me for what I've done to you! <hr width50%> :'''Rafael''': Guardian Eatos, destroy his monsters and the rest of his life points! <hr width50%> :'''Yami Yugi''': '''NO!''' :'''Rex''': No way! Yugi actually lost! :'''Duke''': This can't be! :'''Tristan''': Oh man! :'''Joey''': Yugi! :''[In the far corners of Yugi's subconscious mind]'' :'''Yugi''': If he lost the duel. Then he'll loses his soul! :'''Rafael''': ''[laughing]'' Time for you to pay up, Pharaoh. The Seal of Oricahlcos never leaves the field without taking something along for the ride. And this time it's you, and you have yourself to blame 'cause you sealed your own fate when you played that card. Now your life-force will awaken the Great Beast. :''[In the far corners of Yugi's subconscious mind]'' :'''Yugi''': Not if I can help! With all the power of the Millennium Puzzle, I break the Seal! <hr width50%> :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh, I won't let his happen to you! :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi, no! What are you doing here!? :'''Yugi''': It only needs one of us. So I'm letting the Seal take ME instead. :'''Yami Yugi''': NO! YUGI! <hr width50%> :'''Rafael''': Adios, Your Highness. :''[The Pharaoh collapses]'' :'''Joey''': Hey! You alright pal!? :'''Weevil''': I doubt it. :'''Rex''': Yeah Ditto. :'''Duke''': This is nuts. :'''Tristan''': Come on, pal. :'''Joey''': Yugi, Get up! Please, Yug! :'''Rafael''': You won't be needing these anymore. <hr width50%> :'''Weevil''': Ha! Hey, Rex. :'''Rex''': I know exactly what you're thinking. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Pharaoh wakes up]'' :'''Tristan''': He's awake! :'''Joey''': I knew you outsmart that big goon. So How'd ya Yug, How did you escape. ''[sees the Pharaoh crying]'' Everything alright pal? :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[in tears]'' No, Joey. It's far from alright. I didn't outsmart him. He succeeded. Yugi's gone. :'''Joey/Tristan/Duke''': Whoa! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Great Leviathan, Please accept my latest offering. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': I don't get it. How can you be talkin' to us if ''he'' took your soul? :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[in tears]'' Not mine! Yugi's! IT'S ALL MY FAULT! YUGI, COME BACK! IT SHOULD'VE BEEN ME, NOT HIM! IT'S NOT FAIR! ===''Trial by Stone'' [4.15]=== :''[Rex and Weevil followed Rafael on the helicopter]'' :'''Rex''': He's getting away! We have to get our hands on one of those orichalcos magic cards. Just a little more! :'''Rex and Weevil''': ''[screaming]'' :'''Rex''': This is all your fault! Help! Mommy, I'm falling! :'''Rafael''': Oh, great. :'''Rex and Weevil''': Huh?! phew. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tea''': How'd it go? Is everything OK? :'''Joey''': Not quite. We got a problem guys. :'''Tea''': What do you mean? :'''Duke''': Yugi didn't win. :'''Tristan''': He's gone. :'''Tea''': Wha- :'''Tristan''': You heard me. Yugi got beat, Tea! :'''Tea''': You're wrong! If Yugi really lost that duel, those creeps would have taken his soul with their freaky magic card, Tristan! :'''Joey''': So what's your point, Tea? :'''Tea''': My point!? If he's lost how can he be standing right... ''[gasps and turns around looks at the Pharaoh]'' behind me? Oh no. :'''Rebecca''': Yugi, talk to me. What's wrong!? Why are you acting so strange!? :'''Yami Yugi''': Rebecca, they got him. :'''Rebecca''': Got who? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi. ''[Flashes back to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|their last duel as the Seal took Yugi instead]].]'' I know. This whole thing's my fault. I'm the one who unleashed the magic that took Yugi away. :'''Rebecca''': You knew that card was evil and you still played it!? If you really were a brave pharaoh, you would never have done something like that to poor, little Yugi! :'''Tea''': Now hold on. :'''Rebecca''': Oh, Tea! ''[sobbing]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm afraid Rebecca's right. :'''Tea''': Huh? :'''Joey''': What's done is done. :'''Yami Yugi''': I let everyone down. Especially Yugi. He warned me not to play the Seal of Oricalcos card, but my rage took control. ''[Flashes back to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|their first duel, the Pharaoh activated The Seal of Oricalcos card]].]'' He paid for my mistake. :'''Joey''': You got to ''snap'' outta this! :'''Yami Yugi''': He's gone, and it's all my fault. :'''Joey''': Get a grip, man! :'''Téa''': Joey! :'''Joey''': If we're gonna rescue Yugi, We gotta move ahead, not look back, So pull yourself together! What we gotta do now is find out who this Dartz guy is and where ''he'' keeps all these souls! :'''Duke''': I've been suggesting we do that since day one, but nobody listens to me. :'''Tristan''': Stop thinking about yourself for once, Duke! :'''Duke''': Down, boy. Heel! :'''Yami Yugi''': Let him go, Tristan! :'''Tristan''': Huh? :'''Yami Yugi''': This happened because I couldn't control my anger, and if we keep fighting amongst ourselves, the orichalcos will destroy us. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': You’re about to meet our master, so don’t anything to stupid. :'''Alister''': Yeah, He doesn’t have as much patience as we do. :'''Rex and Weevil''': gulped. :''[They opened the door]'' :'''Rafael''': Mission accomplished, Master. :'''Weevil''': We're gonna become super villains. :''[Rex and Weevil giggling]'' :'''Rafael''': You'll be happy to know the strongest soul on Earth has been captured, Master Dartz. :'''Dartz''': Ah, yes. The Pharaoh. :'''Weevil''': Pharaoh? :'''Rex''': What pharaoh? :'''Dartz''': Unfortunately, you failed again. ''[chair turns around wears a suit]'' :'''Valon''': ''[walks in with an arm in sling]'' That's right. The soul of the Pharaoh is still out there, Rafael. :'''Rafael''': ''[shocked]'' What?! :'''Alister''': ''[shocked]'' Huh?! :'''Dartz''': Now watch and learn. :''[Weevil whimping]'' :'''Rex''': What's that? :'''Dartz''': The Pharaoh's [[w:Rebirth|spirit inhabits the body]] of a young man. And what we have here is a clear case of mistaken identity. :''[Camera zooming towards image of Yugi Muto in stone]'' :'''Rex''': ''[shocked]'' No way! :'''Weevil''': ''[shocked]'' Yugi?! :'''Valon''': Instead of the Pharaoh, ''you'' got the soul of some kid! :'''Rafael''': I still don't understand. :'''Dartz''': Then you need to clean out your ears, you oversized baboon. Both of their spirits inhabit one body! Get it!? ''You'' captured the wrong soul! :'''Rafael''': But how!? I’m pretty sure ''I'' was dueling the Pharaoh! So the Orichcalos should have sealed him! :'''Dartz''': Well, apparently you're not as perceptive as you think you are because ''he'' got away! :'''Rafael''': That Punk! :'''Dartz''': There's no ''one'' to blame but ''yourself''! :'''Rafael''': I can fixed this, If you’ll let me. :'''Weevil''': Hey! :'''Valon, Dartz, Rafael and Alister''': ''[spots at Rex Raptor and Weevil Underwood]'' Huh? :'''Weevil''': Let's go! :'''Rex''': Go where? :''[Rex and Weevil run to Valon, Dartz, Rafael and Alister and knees on]'' :'''Weevil''': Might I suggest something, sir? :'''Rex''': Like a better hideout? :'''Weevil''': Quiet! ''[bangs Rex's head]'' :'''Rex''': Ow! I'm just trying to be helpful. :'''Dartz''': Who are these two? :'''Rex''': Haven't you heard of us? Former regional duel monsters champions? :'''Rafael''': They're just a couple of wanna-be duelists who followed us here. They probably never even played the game. :'''Weevil''': Never played the game?! :'''Rex''': Wanna-bes?! We're great duelists, but we came here to become even better. :'''Weevil''': Yugi and his friends have been making fools of us for years. ''[flashbacks to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 1)#The Ultimate Great Moth|Yugi and Weevil's duel with the Summoned Skull and The Great Moth in defeat,]] and then [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 1)#Trial by Red-Eyes|Joey and Rex's duel with a Time Wizard and Red Eyes Black Dragon in defeat]] at Duelist Kingdom. flashback ends]'' Before ''they'' showed up, we ''ruled the duels.'' But lately it seems like we're just the butt of everyone's jokes. :'''Rex''': And no ''one'' likes being a butt. :'''Weevil''': Uh, What he means is, we want nothing more than to have our revenge. So, please, mister Dartz, sir, share your dueling secrets with us and we'll help you get what you want. :'''Rex''': Please! :'''Dartz''': It won't be easy. The Pharaoh and his little friends wield the power of the legendary dragons. How do you intend to fight against cards like those? :'''Weevil''': That's exactly why we need your help, sir. :'''Rex''': Yeah, Weevil and I need the seal of orichalcos. :'''Dartz''': You know, Before I share my power with you, I have to make sure you're worthy. :'''Weevil''': Give us a chance to prove it. :'''Rex''': We'll do anything. :'''Dartz''': Very well. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Deliver to me the soul of the Pharaoh and his companion young Joseph Wheeler. The Orichcalos is with you. Used it correctly and victory is yours. :'''Rex and Weevil''': Yes, sir. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Back inside the caravan]'' :'''Joey''': So they wanna rule the world. We've dealt with that before. :'''Yami Yugi''': No, Joey, this time things are different. :'''Tristan''': Yeah, They're not just talking about wiping out all life on earth, they're doing it! :'''Joey''': But we know how to stop 'em. :'''Tristan''': Huh? :'''Joey''': We got to go straight to the source and destroy that secret weapon of theirs. :'''Tea''': You mean [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Legend_of_the_Dragons|that weird monster-zapper in the sky?]] :'''Tristan''': Unfortunately, that thing's after more than just monsters. it's using human souls to power itself up so it can wipe out the rest of us. :'''Joey''': Yeah, and right now that thing's got Yugi, so I don't know about you, but I'm not gonna stand here twiddling my thumbs. I'm gonna take action. :'''Tea''': Look, Joey, I wanna help Yugi too, but we can't just fight this thing by ourselves. We need help. :'''Rebecca''': No, Tea. :'''Tea''': Huh? :'''Rebecca''': In case you forgot, Those jerks burned down my grandpa's laboratory and destroyed all his research. And without any hard evidence, there's no way anyone's gonna believe our story. :'''Tea''': But we have proof. It's all down in those underwater ruins. :'''Rebecca''': Whatever was there won't be of any help to us now. The ruins are gone, guys. :'''Tea''': Someone ruined the ruins? :'''Duke''': They're one step ahead of us. :'''Arthur''': ''[opens the door]'' Don't give up so easily. :'''Rebecca''': Gramps, you're awake. :'''Tea''': Yeah, shouldn't you be resting? :'''Arthur''': I'll be fine. Anyway who could sleep with you kids chit chatting all day? Besides, I can help you find the information you need. You're right about looking to the ruins for answers. :'''Yami Yugi''': So did you discover anything more about these thugs? :'''Arthur''': Well, I can't be sure, but based on the inscriptions I found, there's a good chance these fellows are descendants of Atlantis, an ancient continent said to have disappeared into the ocean thousands of years ago without a trace. :'''Tea''': Are you sure? :'''Duke''': Professor, If your hunch is right, Why would these people want to destroy what was left of their ancestors' city? :'''Arthur''': They must be trying to hide something. Those ruins revealed the history of Atlantis, and it's not a pleasant one. They must what to keep it a secret. :'''Yami Yugi''': How much of this history do you know? :'''Arthur''': Thousands of years ago, Atlantis was home to the most advanced civilization the world had ever known. It truly was a paradise on earth, a land of eternal tranquility where everyone lived in peace until one day, when a dreadful creature was called forth from the depths of the earth by an evil king. :'''Yami Yugi''': An evil king? Oh, no. ''[Flashes back to their first duel, Rafael told Pharaoh heard about the Pharaoh are the one responsible for the destroy Egypt.]'' :'''Tea''': ''[worried]'' What's wrong? Are you OK? :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm fine. :'''Arthur''': It seems this power hungry king drew his evil strength from a mysterious stone, and this stone drew it's strength from another world. :'''Joey''': It's that rock they wear on their neck, Isn't it? :'''Arthur''': I'm not sure. That's all I was able to translate. :'''Joey''': NO! :'''Tristan''': Chill out, man. you'll blow a gasket. :'''Joey''': You guys don't get it, do you? Those Atlantis freaks are trying to cover something up about this ancient mega-monster. :'''Duke''': Of course. There was probably something written in those ruins about how to destroy that thing before it destroys us. :'''Tristan''': I get it. Hey, Joey, I guess you had your good idea for the year. :'''Arthur''': The ruins may have been destroyed, but there are copies of the inscriptions at a museum. It's in [[Florida]], where I was doing my underwater research. :'''Tea''': Perfect. So all we have to do is go there and translate the rest. :'''Arthur''': Mm-hmm. :'''Joey''': What are we waiting for? Let's head to sunshine state and find out the secret to defeating these guys and saving Yugi, right? :'''Tristan''': I'm right behind ya, man! Goodbye to Death Valley, Hello to fun in the sun. :'''Duke''': That's great. Just one question: How are we supposed to get there? :'''Tristan''': We're doomed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kaiba''': ''[after hearing what happened to Yugi over the phone]'' YUGI LOST?! Yugi gave up his Duel Monsters crown to some nobody?! No one deserves that title but me! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[calmly]'' Hold on. :'''Kaiba''': I don't wanna hear another word! You're a disgrace to the game, Yugi! ''[hangs up]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': I'll book our flights and we'll take a train to the airport. I just hope we can save Yugi before it's too late. ===''On the Wrong Track'' [4.16-18]=== ====Part 1==== :''[at the train station]'' :'''Téa''': How this train ride anyway? :'''Joey''': Too long. :'''Téa''': ''[sighs]'' Any chance you wanna go instead of me, Duke? :'''Duke''': No can do, Téa. I gotta stick with Professor Hawkins in case those biker punks come back. :'''Tristan''': Duke's right. Plus he's gonna keep an eye on Rebecca too. :''[Flashback to Rebecca and Arthur see Pharaoh and his friends leaving]'' :'''Rebecca''': I wanna go too! They need a brain like mine to figure out how to save Yugi! Please!? :'''Arthur''': It's too dangerous. And the Pharaoh has enough on his mind already. :'''Rebecca''': Huh? :'''Arthur''': The last thing he needs is the responsibility of looking after you. His closest friend in the world's been taken from him. :'''Rebecca''': ''[cries ran back to the caravan]'' You don't understand anything, Grandpa! :'''Arthur''': Rebecca, wait! It's for your own good! :''[the flashback ends]'' :'''Duke''': You better get on the train before you miss your ride. :'''Joey''': We got plenty of time. :'''Tristan''': No, we don’t. :'''Joey''': Like I said "All Aboard!" :'''Téa''': Take care, Duke. :''[Joey, Tristan, Pharaoh and Téa are onboard the train carriages as the train horns blares and the train departed from the station as Duke waves to them.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Téa''': Come on, you gotta cheer up. I promise we'll get Yugi back. But in the meantime, you can't just sit around moping. It might feel better to talk about it. We can even come up with a plan together. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[sighs, gets up the seat and sadly walked off alone]'' Sorry Téa. :'''Téa''': Poor guy. ''[watches the Pharaoh walked off alone feeling sad after he lost the duel with Rafael]'' :'''Tristan''': Just let him go, Téa. :'''Téa''': Huh? :'''Tristan''': I think he needs to be alone for a while you know? :'''Joey''': He's already alone. :'''Téa and Tristan''': Huh? :'''Joey''': Isn't that the whole problem? He’s crushed. But he’ll be alright soon enough. ‘Cause we’re going to rescue Yugi, right guys? :'''Téa''': There’s no doubt. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' How could ''I'' have been so selfish? I gave in to the darkness within my heart... and Yugi paid the price. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|their last duel with Rafael as the Seal took Yugi instead]].]'' I've lost him forever. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tea''': ''[sighs]'' He's been gone for a while. :'''Tristan''': ''[notices the passengers are empty]'' Hey, Hold on. He's not the only one! :'''Joey''': Huh? :'''Tristan''': Call me crazy. But wasn't this train completely filled with passengers just a minute ago?! What's the deal!? How can a train full of people all of a sudden be empty!? :'''Joey''': What?! :''[Joey and Tea sees passengers are empty]'' :'''Tea''': Alright. Now I'm officially freaked out! :''[back at Dartz's lair]'' :'''Dartz''': ''[evilly laughter]'' A vacant train is the least of your problems, my young friends. I'm just getting warmed up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tea''': There you are. :'''Yami Yugi''': Huh? :'''Joey''': 'Case you haven't noticed, Something weird's going on. :'''Tristan''': If you asked me. I'd say this whole train ride is another trap. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[gasp]'' :'''Joey''': I'm sure those same slime balls are behind this. and I bet they're onboard. :'''Tristan''': Well what are we standing here for? Let's get 'em! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': Pharaoh! Tea! Whatta we do now!? :'''Yami Yugi''': Get help! :'''Tea''': Come on, we have to find a way to stop this train! :'''Tristan''': Hey, we're slowing down! You heard 'em. we gotta get help. :'''Joey''': I know... but there's a problem. ''[he and Tristan jumps off the rail coaches]'' We're in the middle of nowhere! and we don't even know those two are gonna end up. Bye, guys. Hang in there. :'''Tristan''': I guess it's just you and me now. :'''Joey''': Hmm ''[sees Rex appears snickers in the railcar with his chaos duel disk on.]'' Huh? Rex!? What are you doing here? :'''Rex Raptor''': ''[jumps off the rail coaches and walks towards Joey and Tristan]'' I still have a score to settle with you, Wheeler. Remember? You tooked my Red Eyes Black Dragon. :'''Joey''': Rex, This is not the time. :'''Rex''': It’s the perfect time for revenge. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[sees Weevil appears on top of this train with his chaos duel disk on]'' Weevil Underwood! Are you behind this!? You'd better start explaining yourself! :'''Tea Gardner''': Weevil? What are you what with us, worm boy! :'''Weevil Underwood''': What are you think I what? A rematched with the king of games! :'''Tea Gardner''': Are you nuts!? :'''Weevil Underwood''': I'm just in the mood for a friendly duel. :'''Yami Yugi''': Weevil, Who put you up to this? :'''Weevil Underwood''': No one did. I figured this was a good time to test out my new secret weapon, that's all. :'''Tristan Taylor''': Is that magic rock the professor told us about it! Where did you find that thing, Raptor!? :'''Joey Wheeler''': I knew it! ''He's'' working for ''them!'' :''[back on the train]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': You've been brainwashed, Weevil! :'''Téa''': Wake up! Those guys are just using you! :'''Weevil''': Who cares! as long as I have ultimate power! :'''Yami Yugi''': You're ''wrong!'' :'''Weevil''': Then just duel ''me!'' :'''Téa''': Wait a minute! :'''Yami Yugi''': Huh? Téa, no! It's too dangerous! :'''Téa''': Weevil! Don't you realize that if you go through with this duel, one of you guys is gonna lose your soul forever!? :'''Yami Yugi''': Téa. :'''Weevil''': Of course I do, Téa. That's the whole reason I'm here! To make him pay by ''sealing him away!'' :'''Téa''': Oh! :'''Yami Yugi''': Oh no! :'''Weevil''': Don't worry. Soon you'll be locked away with your friend Yugi, Pharaoh! ''[laughing]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Where is ''he!?'' Tell me! :'''Weevil''': I'm afraid the only way to find out is to duel me. so if you back down now, then you'll never see that little twerp again! :'''Yami Yugi''': Very well! Then let's duel! :'''Weevil''': ''[laughing]'' Wise choice, Pharaoh! ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' :'''Rex''': ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' I'm gonna enjoy this! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey Wheeler''': What did you do to my friends!? :'''Rex Raptor''': Nothing! Weevil's dealing with those two losers why I handled you two. :'''Tristan Taylor''': Weevil? So he's in on this train too. :'''Joey''': Rex, you guys pick the wrong side to join. :'''Rex''': Oh really? Well, we'll just see about that won't we. I've been given more power then you ever dreamed of! :'''Joey''': ''[growl]'' Look, Rex, not only can I duel circles around your sorry behind but you're half my size! So why don't you get out of my way before I step on you! :'''Rex''': Sorry, pal. I'm not going anywhere till we duel! So draw your cards and let's get it on, chump! I've got a duel to win! :'''Tristan''': Now what? :'''Joey''': ''[sighs]'' I warned them. Now let's trample this geek and then go find Yugi and Téa. :'''Tristan''': Good call. :'''Rex''': Oh yeah? You'll change your mind when ''I'' activate this card! :'''Joey and Tristan''': Huh? :'''Rex''': ''[snickers and holds up "The Seal of Orichalcos" card]'' Look familiar!? :'''Tristan''': The Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Joey''': Drop the card! That thing is evil, Rex. I'm telling ya, you have no idea what you're doing! :'''Rex''': You're not so tough now! Are you, Wheeler! ''[laughs and activates the card]'' :'''Joey''': ''He'' played it! :''[Joey and Tristan grunting and as Rex screams]'' :'''Tristan''': Aah! :'''Joey''': No, Tristan! :'''Rex''': Ahh! Ha Ha Ha! Now... That's what I call power. :'''Joey''': What was ''he'' thinking playing that! :'''Tristan''': Be careful, man! He just raised the stakes a this duel big time! Now who ever loses the game, loses their soul! :'''Joey''': Gee, Thanks for the reminder. :'''Rex''': Let's do this. It's payback time! :'''Joey''': Sorry, Rex. ''I'' won't duel ''you!'' :'''Rex''': You don't have much ''choice!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Weevil Underwood''': I won’t keep you in suspense any longer! ''[snickers]'' It’s my move! ''[holds up "The Seal of Orichalcos" card]'' And I think I’ll play the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Yami Yugi''': Weevil, don’t be a fool! :'''Weevil Underwood''': What seems to be the problem, Pharaoh? You’ve played this card before, haven’t you? If I’m not mistaken, this is what you used to lock little Yugi away! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Looks like the battles are underway. :'''Rafael''': Yes, Master. And if all goes well, the soul of the Pharaoh will soon be yours. Of course, we win no matter what, because whatever the final outcome is, we get two souls. :'''Dartz''': ''[evilly snickers]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rex Raptor''': Are you gonna duel, Wheeler? or just stand there like a loser while I take you apart? :'''Joey Wheeler''': I got no choice. Alright I didn't wanna do this... But you got yourself a duel! :'''Tristan Taylor''': Are you sure? :'''Joey Wheeler''': It's the only way to save Yuge, so yes. :'''Rex Raptor''': Good answer. I've been waiting for this moment for years. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': ''[evilly snickers]'' It won't be long now. The soul of the Pharaoh is nearly in my grasp. After all we have the perfect bait. ''[evilly laughter]'' :''[To Be Continued...]'' ====Part 2==== :''[Joey and Rex were still dueling with Panther Warrior, the two Gilasaurus and Kaitoptera still on the field]'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': Dude, you've got three dinos breathing down your neck! You better think of something before you're extinct! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Gee, thanks. :'''Rex Raptor''': You're in way over your head! Thanks to the Seal of Orichalcos, I can never be beat, but enough talk! On with the Duel! ''[draws Polymerization from his Deck]'' It's showtime. First, I'll use Polymerization to combine my Gilasaurus with my Kaitoptera to form Horned Saurus! ''[Horned Saurus appears on the field]'' But you ain't seen nothing yet! Next I'll play Giant Rex! ''[Giant Rex also appears on the field]'' And the Seal of Orichalcos gives my Jurassic giants a power boost! ''[Horned Saurus' and Giant Rex's eyes glow red as the Seal of Orichalcos raises their attack by 500]'' Time to get prehistoric on you, Wheeler, by letting my ravenous meat-eaters chow down on your Life Points! My Horned Saurus is up first! Now, attack Wheeler directly! :'''Tristan Taylor''': How can he do that when you've got a monster on the field? :'''Rex Raptor''': Easy, Horned Saurus has a special ability that lets him bypass your monsters and go straight for your Life Points! Tough break. ''[Horned Saurus fires a shockwave blast on top of Joey, making Joey's Life Points drop to 1500]'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': That runt is kicking your butt! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Thanks for the help. You're a real pal. :'''Rex Raptor''': For my next trick, Giant Rex will make your Panther Warrior disappear! ''[Giant Rex attack and destroys Panther Warrior]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Be patient, Great Leviathan. Soon the soul of the Pharaoh shall be yours. ''[evil laughing]'' :'''Weevil''': ''[chucking]'' You’re about to pay the ultimate price, and I’ll be known as the duelist who dethroned the king of games! :''[To Be Continued...]'' ====Part 3==== :'''Yami Yugi''': My dragon! He abandoned me! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rex Raptor''': Please Save me! ''[screaming as the Oricalchos claims Rex's soul]'' :'''Joey Wheeler''': ''Sorry, Rex. It's the only way.'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': Rex! Come on, man wake up! I know you're in there somewhere so snap out of it. :'''Joey Wheeler''': It's no use, Tristan. The Orichalcos has him now. But I promise we'll get him back. As soon as we find Pegasus and Yugi. :'''Tristan Taylor''': Yeah, but how? :'''Joey Wheeler''': But first we gotta figured out where this Dartz guy hangs out. Find him, and we'll find them. YOU HEAR ME, DARTZ?! WE'RE COMING TO GET YOU! AND WE'RE NOT LEAVING WITHOUT OUR FRIENDS! ''[echoes]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Yami Yugi and Weevil's Duel is still underway with Breaker the Magical Warrior, Poison Butterfly and Armored Centipede on the field]'' :'''Weevil Underwood''': I'll tell you what. Because I feel sorry for you, I'd be willing to do you a little favor before you lose. I have a card in my pocket I think you'd like to see. I can't wait to see the look on your face! ''[laughs hysterically]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[snarls]'' ''Weevil!'' :'''Weevil Underwood''': Relax, Pharaoh, I'm just trying to be nice. It's the least I can do to repay you for ruining my life. You wanna see Yugi, right? ''[the flashback cuts in]'' His spirit is trapped, deep in the caverns of Dartz's lair, and I know how to set him free! ''[cuts back to the present]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Tell me how to save him right now! :'''Weevil Underwood''': ''[laughs]'' Very well. In order to release his soul, you'll need a special card. ''[takes out a Gokibore card out of his pocket]'' And I've got it right here. :'''Yami Yugi''': What?! Then hand it to me now! :'''Weevil Underwood''': That's not a nice way to ask! Why don't you try saying, "Pretty please, with sugar on top"? ''[Yami Yugi walks short, but realizes that Weevil was bluffing]'' Oh, well, too late! So it looks like I'll have to teach you a lesson in manners! Now say goodbye! ''[rips the Gokibore card in half]'' Yugi's gone FOREVER! ''[Yami Yugi, having witnessed Weevil rip the card, suddenly erupts into an uncontrollable rage]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[roars ferociously]'' '''NO!''' :'''Weevil Underwood''': ''[laughing]'' :'''Tea Gardner''': ''[in tears]'' No. Poor Yugi. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[furiously]'' You snake! :'''Weevil Underwood''': ''[laughs]'' Don’t you know a joke when you hear one? I tore up a useless bug card. :'''Tea Gardner''': Huh? ''[anger]'' Weevil, That’s not very funny! :'''Weevil Underwood''': You people have no sense of humour! :'''Yami Yugi''': You'll pay for that! You hear me, Weevil!? :'''Weevil Underwood''': Ha! Huh? :'''Yami Yugi''': You'll pay dearly! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Weevil Underwood''': ''[thinking]'' Yugi's been planning this all along! :'''Yami Yugi''': It's the beginning of the end for you! ''[draws a monster card from his Deck]'' I've drawn Queen's Knight! ''[discards Queen's Knight to the Graveyard]'' And since it's a monster, my warrior can attack! Go! ''[Breaker attacks Weevil's Life Points, making them go to 700]'' Now, for my next card! ''[draws Gazelle the King of Mythical Beasts]'' Looks like you're out of luck. Attack again! ''[Breaker makes a second attack at Weevil, making Weevil's Life Points drop to 0]'' I draw again! ''[draws Big Shield Gardna]'' Another monster! ''[Breaker delivers the third blow to Weevil]'' This just isn't your day! ''[draws Alpha the Magnet Warrior and Breaker attacks Weevil while Tea tearfully witnesses the moment]'' Breaker, attack him again! ''[Breaker delivers the last blow to Weevil, just as the Oricalchos claims Weevil's soul]'' Let's see. ''[draws Dark Magician Girl]'' Oh, well... :'''Tea Gardner''': ''[rushes to Yami Yugi in tears]'' Please, Pharaoh! No more! :'''Yami Yugi''': Let me go! :'''Tea Gardner''': You can stop now. It's over. You've already won the duel. The Seal of Oricalchos is gone. We have to put an end to all this. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''Tea's right'', ''[holds Dark Magician Girl card]'' ''I have a promise to keep.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': So many souls, so little time. The Great Leviathan is growing impatient. I must supply him with the power he needs to awaken… and for that, I need the soul of the Pharaoh. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Tell me where Yugi is! :'''Tea Gardner''': Pharaoh... It's no use. You won. So the Seal of Oricalcos took Weevil away. Pharaoh? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': No! I need him alive! ===''Self Destruction'' [4.19]=== :''[after the train derails and falling off the cliffs a passenger car on the river, at Dartz's lair Dartz not happy]'' :'''Dartz''': ''[stands up]'' Somehow I've lost contact with the Pharaoh. :'''Rafael''': Maybe he didn't survive the fall. :'''Dartz''': He did. However, Something or someone is hiding him from my vision. :'''Rafael''': Then let me be your eyes, Master. I'll track him down and make up for my failure. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chris''': ''[offscreen]'' Skye! Get back here! Skye! ''[appeared enter the tent]'' That's no way to treat our guests. ''[to Pharaoh and Téa]'' Sorry if she woke you up. :'''Yami Yugi''': Who are you? How did you find us? :'''Chris''': You can call me Chris. ''[giggles]'' And you've already met Skye. She's the one that found you. She was sniffing around for food and ended up sniffing out you guys instead. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ironheart''': I see your strength is back. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes, Thank you. :'''Ironheart''': Pleased to hear it. You two had me worried. By the way, the name is Ironheart, and I believe this belongs to you. Pardon me for being intrusive... But I couldn't help noticing you possess the legendary Eye of Timaeus... The only one of it's kind. :'''Yami Yugi''': Take it. I'm not deserving of it's power. :'''Téa Gardner''': That's not true. :'''Ironheart''': I'll hold it until you're ready. :'''Téa Gardner''': Did you find another kid? He had glasses and a bad haircut? He was on the train with us it crashed. :'''Ironheart''': No, I'm afraid you were the only ones we found. Perhaps your friend was able to escape before the train fell off that cliff. I assure you, there wasn't another soul on board. :'''Yami Yugi''': I highly doubt Weevil was able to escape. Not in the condition he was in. I'm afraid there's a greater power at work here. :'''Ironheart''': I must say, young man. You seem to possess a wisdom that reaches far beyond your years. Now, I've encountered many people in my travels... but there's something about you i've never seen before... something in your eyes. I'm also sensing that you hold a great deal of loneliness in your heart. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's because I recently lost a very close friend of mine. His name is Yugi Muto. And now... I'm on a journey to find his soul. :'''Ironheart''': What will you do if you find him? :'''Yami Yugi''': I’ll apologize for betraying his trust and abandoning him. :'''Ironheart''': Hmm. I might just be able to help. Follow me. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Rafael jumps on the rail carriage after the train falls off the cliff looking for the Pharaoh.]'' :'''Rafael''': Hey, Pharaoh! You in there or not!? How did he escape? ''[looks at the mountain]'' I'LL FIND YOU, PHARAOH, WHEREVER YOU ARE! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi Muto''': Is that really you? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi! :'''Tea''': Hey, It's him! :'''Yami Yugi''': I've found you! Hmm? :'''Yugi''': You came all this way just to see me? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes of course, I just want you to say how sorry I am. :'''Yugi''': I'm sorry too, I wish this whole thing never happened. :'''Yami Yugi''': It's my fault. I surrendered to my inner darkness. I allowed my anger to take over and you paid the price. But now that you're gone, The darkness is starting to grow without your light to keep me pure... I'm becoming evil, Yugi. I'm beginning to believe that what Rafael said about me is true. Perhaps I was a [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|wicked pharaoh]]. ''[Flashes back to their first duel, Rafael told Pharaoh heard about the Pharaoh are the one responsible for the destroy Egypt.]'' What if I am the one responsible for the destruction of Egypt? If I'm capable of such horrific behavior then it's my soul that should be locked away. :'''Yugi''': Well, What good is that now!? ''I'm'' the one who's been locked away forever, Not ''you''! :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm sorry? :'''Yugi''': Well, The last thing I need is your pity, Pharaoh! If You're really evil there's only thing to do. :'''Yami Yugi''': What are you saying? :'''Yugi''': You said it yourself, Didn't you? Your spirit should be locked away with mine. And I'm gonna do it. :'''Yami Yugi''': Wait! You misunderstood me! :'''Yugi''': Oh, So now you're taking back what you said!? Make up your mind! ''You'' don't deserve to be a part of this world! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[shocked]'' Yugi. :'''Yugi''': It's about time you started taking some responsibility for what you've done! There's only one thing left to do and you know it! You need to be a man for once and face me in a duel now! :'''Yami Yugi''': No please. :'''Yugi''': Too late! It's time for you to pay! If you're really sorry then you'll do this! It's time to duel! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tea''': Wait, So he's gonna duel himself. But why? :'''Ironheart''': This is the only way. :'''Tea''': Huh? :'''Chris''': That's why we took you guys here. So the pharaoh can face his other half. He has to deal with what he did so he can put it all behind him and finally move on. :'''Tea''': How do you know all this stuff? :'''Chris''': We've always known this. We were taught that a warrior would come to save our world. And as soon as we found you guys, We knew that he was the one. :'''Tea''': So, what's he supposed to do now? :'''Ironheart''': His first step is to face his inner fears and conquer the darkness that lurks within his heart. But if he loses this battle, The pharaoh's spirit will remain here forever. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Why are ''you'' acting like this?! :'''Yugi''': I'm just a reflection of ''you''! :'''Yami Yugi''': What do you mean, Yugi!? :'''Yugi''': You don't get it, do you? You and I are exactly the same. So the darkness that's in your heart... is also inside my heart. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi, I wish I could take it back. :'''Yugi''': Too late! You've already shown me who you really are an evil pharaoh who cares only about himself! Face the Facts! ''You'' didn't care what happened to me so long as you had power! Now it's my turn! :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi, wait! Are you holding the card I think you are!? :'''Yugi''': It's sounds like your starting to catch on aren't you, your highness? This duel is a chance for you to look at yourself from the outside. And there's only one card that can make that happen... The Seal of Orichalcos. :'''Yami Yugi''': Huh!? Yugi, no! ''[gasps]'' :'''Yugi''': Now it's pay back time, For taken my soul! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi… Don’t do this! Snap out of it! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': YUGI NO! I won't let you do this! ''[screaming]'' '''STOP!''' I ACTIVATE THE TRAP CARD... DIVINE WIND! :'''Yugi''': He did it! He was able to reverse my attack and double its strength to win the duel! :''[blast on Yugi and he screams and making his Life Points drop to 0]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': What have I done!? Yugi! :'''Yugi''': ''[groaning]'' :'''Tea Gardner''': Is he alright? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi! ''[running towards Yugi]'' Come on! ''[holds his body]'' Speak to me, Please! :'''Yugi''': You passed the test, pal. :'''Yami Yugi''': What are you taking about, Yugi? Did you plan this all along? :'''Yugi''': It was the only way. By defeating me you were able to defeat the darkness that was inside your heart. It wasn’t easy, But you did what was best for me and for mankind. You acted like a true hero. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[in tears]'' But now what? What can I do? :'''Yugi''': Don't give up this fight. Remember... I'm aways with you. ''[disappears]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[gasps see Yugi disappears]'' I'll save you! No matter what it takes. ===''Reliving the Past'' [4.20]=== :'''Téa''': Seems like the Pharaoh's in pretty bad shape down there. :'''Ironheart''': Of course. There's still a hole in his heart has Yet to be filled. :'''Téa''': ''[worried; thinking]'' Poor, guy. He still blames himself for what happened to Yugi. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[cries in tears after the duel with Yugi]'' Yugi, If it weren’t for me, You'd still be here. I'll never forgive myself. ''[Flashes back to their [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|last duel as the Seal took Yugi instead]].]'' Mark my words! I won't rest you until I get you back! Uhh! It's not fair! I should be locked away! Not you! I’m the one ''who'' played that evil card! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Meet Orichalcos Gigas! Attack the Pharaoh! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': I've got you right where I what you, Pharaoh. ''[evilly chuckle]'' :''[Rafael watches the Pharaoh and the Orichalcos soldier were still dueling with Obnoxious Celtic Guardian and Orichalcos Gigas still on the field]'' :'''Rafael''': Let's see you get yourself outta this. :'''Tea Gardner''': He's about to lose! :'''Ironheart''': There is but one thing that can save him. :'''Chris''': The card he gave you? :'''Ironheart''': Mmm. ''[grabs the card]'' The Eye of Timaeus. The creature that fought by my side so long ago. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': ''[spots at Ironheart]'' Who is that? :'''Ironheart''': Pharaoh! Take this card! :'''Yami Yugi''': Ironheart!? :'''Dartz''': You've disrupted my plans for the last time, old man. :''[lightning bolt strikes on Ironheart]'' :'''Ironheart''': AAH! :'''Yami Yugi''': IRONHEART! NO! :'''Chris''': GRANDFATHER! :'''Ironheart''': ''[groaning and collapses and holds up "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' Please take this card from me. It's the only way to defeat the beast. :''[Orichalcos blocks the Pharaoh on the field]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': I can't get out! :'''Chris''': Grandpa! :'''Ironheart''': It's up to you. :'''Chris''': What do you mean, Gramps? :'''Ironheart''': ''[groaning]'' Take this... and bring it to the Pharaoh. ''[Chris grab "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' Otherwise, All hope is lost. Good luck. ''[disappears]'' :'''Chris''': ''[gasps, sees her grandfather disappears in tears]'' No, Grandpa! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Please, Chris, Turn back! It's far too dangerous! :'''Chris''': ''[running]'' Pharaoh, My Grandpa want you to have this! ''[lightning bolt strikes on Chris]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': NO! :'''Chris''': ''[screaming]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Chris, No! :'''Chris''': ''[gasping]'' Pharaoh... ''[holds up "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' Take this... please. :'''Yami Yugi''': What is it? :'''Chris''': ''[groaning]'' It's the only thing that can stop him. It saved us once... and with your help it can save us again. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[grab and hold the card]'' The Eye of Timaeus. :'''Chris''': ''[smile and eyes closed]'' I trust you, Pharaoh. Thank you. ''[disappears]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[see Chris disappears]'' Hold on! Come back! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': There's only one thing left to do, ''[looks at "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' I hope you deem me worthy of your power, ''[close his eyes]'' I’m truly sorry for having betrayed you. But the lives are so many innocent people are getting hurt and depending on you, So I asked you not for myself, But for all those at risk. Please help me, Timaeus. The future of two worlds hangs in the balance, ''[open his eyes]'' we must win! No matter what. ''[draws Dark Magician Girl card]'' Now I sacrifice my Celtic Guardian in order to summon Dark Magician Girl! ''[summons Dark Magician Girl]'' Next I'll play... The legendary Eye of Timaeus! :'''Dartz''': He'll never learn. :'''Rafael''': ''[surprised]'' I don't believe it. He should never have been able to summon that dragon! :'''Yami Yugi''': Dark Magician Girl, fuse with Timaeus, forming Dark Magician Girl the dragon knight! Next, I'll enhance your strength with my Excalibur magic card! Attack! Destroy his creature of darkness! ''[Timaeus fire blast and Dark Magician Girl rise the sword and blast on the Orichalcos Gigas and the Orichalcos Soldier Blasting light]'' YOU HEAR ME, DARTZ?! I'M COMING TO GET YOU! AND I'M NOT LEAVING WITHOUT MY FRIENDS! ''[echoes]'' :'''Dartz''': ''[thinking]'' This isn't over, Pharaoh. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey Wheeler''': I'm assuming you see that gigantic green sunset over there, right? :'''Tristan Taylor''': What do you think it is? :'''Joey''': Hmm? ''[holds "The Claw of Hermos" card glowing]'' I'm guessing it's got something to do with this. Let's just hope Téa and the Pharaoh are alright. Come on! ''[ran off]'' :'''Tristan''': Hey, Wait! It's your turn to carry Rex! ''[ran off to followed Joey]'' I know you can hear me! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[to Timaeus and Dark Magician Girl]'' Well done, my creatures. He's gone now. Thanks to you two. But I feel this is just the beginning. :'''Rafael''': I have to say I'm glad you won, Pharaoh. 'Cause now I can be the one who delivers your soul to Master Dartz. ''[walks away]'' :''[Tea spots at Ironheart, Chris and Skye along with the three legendary dragons in stone]'' :'''Tea Gardner''': Wait. That's a carving of Ironheart, Chris and Skye from 10,000 years ago? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes. :'''Tea Gardner''': So you mean to tell me that those guys were just ghosts or something? :'''Yami Yugi''': They're spirits who once fought a great war, and now they've been captured by Dartz. ''[Tea stands up then she and the Pharaoh turns around and walks away]'' This gives me three more reasons to hunt down this madman and bring peace to the world once again. ===''Deck of Armor'' [4.21]=== :'''Yami Yugi''': Take my hand. We're back where we left off. :'''Téa''': Nice. Now all we have to do is follow those railway tracks. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's right. If all goes well, they should lead us straight to Tristan and Joey. assuming they haven't wandered off. :'''Téa''': They better be there. We have to do what we set out to do. Figure out where this Dartz creep hangs out so we can set free everyone he captured. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes, Téa. I only wish it were that easy. :'''Téa''': And remind me never to get on the train again. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Inside Paradius headquarters Mai at the meeting room with Dartz, Valon, Rafael, and Alister after Joey defeats Rex Raptor at the middle of nowhere on the railway line]'' :'''Mai Valentine''': Just leave Joey Wheeler to me. :'''Rafael''': You'll do nothing until Master Dartz gives you an assignment. :'''Mai Valentine''': What is this, Third grade? I decide who I'm gonna duel for myself. I don't wait for the homework assignment. :'''Rafael''': Why don't you show a little respect? :'''Alister''': Come on, Raf, as if little miss loud mouth knows respect? :'''Mai Valentine''': What did you call me? :'''Rafael''': Relax. :'''Mai Valentine''': Look, I was doing perfectly fine until Johnny stuntman over there stepped in. If it wasn't for you, I would a won. As for you, I don't need some scrawny freak dictating my every move! I'm out of here, losers! ''[opens the door]'' Humph! ''[walks off alone]'' :'''Dartz''': Just let her go, Valon. :'''Valon''': Hmm? :'''Dartz''': She can try to run away from fate, But in the end she'll get what she deserves. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': I know you’re deep down you feel the way I do, Mai. :'''Mai''': What? :'''Valon''': That’s why we found each other. You’re just like me… Lonely and misunderstood. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duke Devlin''': ''[driving]'' Should we have left so soon? :'''Rebecca Hawkins''': Of course. Time is running out. We have to catch up with the others now. ''[inside the caravan, Arthur was asleep]'' Besides, Gramps can get just as much rest on the road. Plus, we can't translate those ancient ruins without his help, Duke. :'''Duke''': Huh? ''[spots at Valon with Mai Valentine]'' Hey Rebecca, look, It's Mai Valentine. But what's she doing here? Wait a sec! That guy... ''[Flashes back to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|Joey and Mai's first duel]], Duke saw Valon next to Rafael watching Mai against Joey]'' I recognize him. He's one of those biker punks that brainwashed Mai. ''[cuts back to the present]'' He works for Dartz. :'''Rebecca''': Stop the car, Duke! :'''Duke''': Rebecca! Hold on! We’re dealing with a lunatic here! :'''Rebecca''': Alright, Tell me what you did with Yugi?! You guys had no right to take him! :'''Valon''': Sorry, kid, Never heard of him. :'''Rebecca''': Well, maybe this’ll refresh your memory! I win, You talk! Let’s duel! :'''Duke''': No, Rebecca! It’s too dangerous! :'''Rebecca''': I’ll be fine. I’ve dueled tougher opponents than this. So what are you say, punk? Do we have a deal or not? :'''Valon''': You can’t be serious, kid. :'''Mai''': Here’s your big chance. Why don’t you show me your stuff. :'''Rebecca''': Let’s go. I don’t have all day. :'''Valon''': Well, why not? She could use a lesson in manners and I got five minutes to kill. Plus I can sho off a few of my new dueling strategies. Alright. You talked me into it, mate. Let’s have a go. :'''Duke''': Hold on! If you dueling her then you'll dueling me too, tough guy! :'''Valon''': Peachy. Then I’ll take both of you blokes on. Ha. ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' Pay attention, Mai. This is for you. :'''Duke''': Remember, Rebecca, don’t let him play the seal of Orichalcos. :'''Rebecca''': Got it. :'''Valon, Duke and Rebecca''': Let’s duel! <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :''[Valon defeats Rebecca Hawkins and Duke Devlin in their duel.]'' :'''Rebecca''': Fine, You won. Now leave us alone. :'''Duke''': Get lost. :'''Valon''': Very well then, I gotta message for Joey Wheeler, tell that punk he's next. ''[laughing, then spots at Mai hops on her motorcycle]'' Where are you going, Mai. :'''Mai''': I told you, I worked alone! ''[droves off]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Téa, do you see what I see? :'''Téa''': You mean all those weird lights? :'''Yami Yugi''': I fear it’s the great beast. The same thing happened when it emerged the first time. ''[thinking]'' ''We’re running out of time.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Yes, Great Leviathan. Keep feeding, my child. You’re almost ready. ''[evilly chuckling]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Inside the KaibaCorp Airplane where Seto and Mokuba sitting on the seat]'' :'''Mokuba Kaiba''': You think it’s true, Seto? I mean, could Yugi really have lost to one of Alister's partners in a duel? And does that mean he’s trapped somewhere now? :'''Seto Kaiba''': It just means Yugi’s not as perfect as everyone thinks he is, and he’s not worth my time. We’ve got more important things to do. ===''Flight of Fear'' [4.22-23]=== ====Part 1==== :''[Kaiba and Alister's rematch duel begins]'' :'''Alister''': As the challenger, I'll start! And I'll summon my Science Soldier in defense mode! That's all for now. :'''Seto''': How pathetic. My move! I summon X-Head Cannon in attack mode! Now, X-Head Cannon, attack! Looks like you're defenseless. :'''Mokuba''': ''[worried; thinking]'' If Alister plays that Seal of Orichalcos, Seto's in big trouble! :'''Alister''': No big deal. Watch this! I play Cyber Soldier of Dark World. And next, I'll place one card facedown and end my turn. :'''Seto''': What a joke! My move! I summon Y-Dragon Head in attack mode! Attack his Cyber Soldier of Dark World, now! And now, X-Head Cannon, attack his Life Points directly! :'''Mokuba''': ''[thinking]'' Alister's making this too easy. :'''Seto''': I think that's just about enough punishment for now. I end my turn. ''[sets a card facedown]'' :'''Alister''': You sound pretty confident, Kaiba, but you'll change your tune. You've been so pretty occupied with your own monsters, you forgot what I have waiting in my deck. I guess I'll have to remind you. It's the card I used on you last time and it changes the entire playing field! :'''Seto''': ''[realizes]'' Hold it! Did you just draw what I think you did, Alister?! ''[turns to Mokuba]'' Mokuba, GET BACK! :'''Alister''': ''[raises the card up in his hand which is The Seal of Orichalcos]'' I activate the Seal of Orichalcos! ''[laughs as the Seal of Orichalcos grows the circle which engulfs the room and knocks Mokuba away from it's boundary]'' :'''Seto''': Mokuba! ''[beams of green light shoot out of the plane and as Alister screams, the plane's controls end up being sabotaged, including the autopilot]'' This can't be real! ''[The Seal of Orichalcos rises Kaiba and Alister up to the top of the plane]'' What's going on, Alister? :'''Alister''': ''[with his eyes glowing red]'' I just needed some air, that's all. <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> ====Part 2==== <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Man''': Master Dartz, I've just received word from our business division. :'''Dartz''': Yes, go on. :'''Man''': The Takeover was a success. Congratulations, Master. Kaiba Corp now belongs to you. ===''Paradise Found'' [4.24]=== <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': I got the images, And my grandpa's looking them over now. :'''Yami Yugi''': Good. Let's meet up as soon as possible. Oh, And one more thing… I'm sorry. :'''Arthur Hawkins''': Rebecca, You can't blame the Pharaoh for what happened to Yugi. :'''Rebecca''': ''[looks at her grandfather worried]'' Huh? :'''Arthur''': There's far too much at stake for hurting his feelings. You must be so hard on him. Right now, We're all fighting a common enemy. And this data may be our only hope. :'''Rebecca''': ''[sadly]'' You're right. :'''Arthur''': Pharaoh, The quality of the images is much worse then I thought. Unless we clear up these photos I won’t be able to read much at all. :'''Seto Kaiba''': Set a course for Kaiba Corporation headquarters immediately. :'''Tristan''': Dude, are you nuts. :'''Tea''': Dartz and his gang must’ve taken over the place by now. :'''Seto Kaiba''': The only way we can process these images fast enough is by using computer system, so we have no choice. :'''Joey''': Say what?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Kaiba has a good point, Joey. :'''Joey''': He does? :'''Yami Yugi''': First, they took Pegasus away… and now they’ve taken over Kaiba's company. Which means we've got to stop these criminals before they make their next move, and we have no time to lose! :'''Seto Kaiba''': Wow… You're more hung ho than I expected. You know, since you lost your title and all. :'''Yami Yugi''': Kaiba, this fight is about so much more than a mere championship dueling title. Don’t you see!? People are getting hurt and the world's in danger! :'''Seto Kaiba''': Hmm. Blah, blah, blah. Don’t you get tired of making the same speech every time you’re faced with a challenge? Stop saving the world and get a hobby. :'''Yami Yugi''': Rebecca, we’ll meet you two at the pier. :'''Rebecca''': 10-4 we’ll see you there. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': Master Dartz. :'''Dartz''': Take a look, Rafael. Your friend wasn't careful. :'''Rafael''': ''[spots at Alister in stone]'' Alister. :'''Dartz''': Don't sound so displeased. He's better off where he is now. Alister's energy, along with our other prisoners', will fuel the great beast. The Pharaoh and his friends will be arriving shortly. I trust you'll give them a warm welcome, Hmm. :'''Rafael''': He won't escaped me this time. <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Seto Kaiba''': ''[to Roland and Fuguta sent a soulless Alister and soulless Rex Raptor to the Hospital]'' Take those two to the medical center. I'm feeling generous. :'''Roland and Fuguta''': Right. :''[The KaibaCorp helicopter takes off to take Alister and Rex to the Hospital.]'' :'''Mokuba Kaiba''': Good luck, guys. :'''Joey Wheeler''': Stay safe. :'''Yami Yugi''': Professor, I'm glad you're alright. :'''Joey''': Me too. Hey, hows was the road trip, guys? :'''Duke''': Could a been better. We hit a pretty big snag on the way. :'''Joey''': Flat tire? :'''Duke''': We ran into Mai and one of those freaks. The one that jumped in and ended your duel. :'''Joey''': That jerk. :'''Duke''': He's really got it in for you, man. and I'm afraid Mai's still on their side too. :'''Joey''': Grr. Just wait until ''I'' find him! :'''Rebecca''': Hey, any word yet on Yugi? We have to find him. If you don't get him back, I'll never forgive you. Plus we need him to fight these guys! :'''Yami Yugi''': I miss Yugi, too. and I promise I will rescue him. You have word. But I need to pay a little visit to KaibaCorp first. :'''Rebecca''': Let me come with you! You'll need some tech support. :'''Seto Kaiba''': Ha! This Isn't some kind of field trip, kid. But I guess you can tag along if you want. :'''Rebecca''': I'm no kid! :'''Seto Kaiba''': Whatever you say, kid. I don't know about you geeks. But I have a company to save. So whoever's coming with me, let's move. :'''Mokuba Kaiba''': OK. :'''Tea''': Good luck and be careful. :'''Yami Yugi''': Right. :'''Tristan''': Alright, Tea. We better tell the police what's going on. The way this is heading we're gonna need all the help we can get. :'''Tea''': Yeah, good point. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Policeman 1''': Why don't you start over and this time try telling the truth? :'''Tea''': Don't you understand? That is the truth. There's a motorcycle gang going around stealing people's souls with a magic card. :'''Policeman 1''': Ha! You kids watched too many cartoons. :'''Tristan''': We're serious. These guys are trying to take over the whole world. :'''Policeman 2''': Really... Tell me something young man... this so called "gang"... do they wear a symbol like this! <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Here I come you creeps! :'''Rebecca''': Hey! Whoa! :'''Duke''': Get back here, Joey! Come on, man, we need a plan first! <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': This is Valon, Go ahead. :'''Rafael''': ''[on radio]'' The Pharaoh's friends are heading your way. :'''Valon''': Good, Then is time for me to show Joey Wheeler who's boss. :'''Rafael''': Valon, wait! :''[Valon turns off the radio and hops on the motorcycle droves off on the way back to the city]'' :'''Valon''': ''I gotta prove me-self to Mai.'' :''[Tristan and Tea saw Joey was running in the streets in the middle of the night]'' :'''Tristan''': Look, Here comes Joey! :'''Tea''': And there he goes. :'''Tristan''': Hey! Come back! You're going the wrong way! :'''Tea''': He's heading straight for the zombie patrol. :'''Tristan''': Go warn the others, Tea! I gotta stop him! ''[rans off]'' :'''Tea''': Tristan! :'''Joey''': ''I'm coming for you, Dartz and I'm not leaving without Yugi and Mai!'' :''[To Be Continued...]'' ===''Fighting for a Friend'' [4.25-29]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Tristan Taylor''': Joey, Come back! I'm wearing the wrong shoes for this! Joey, stop! :'''Joey Wheeler''': ''[stops and spots at the Orichalcos soldier]'' What's that?! :'''Tristan''': Uh, Joey. :'''Joey''': Yeah? :'''Tristan''': Maybe we should start running again. :'''Joey and Tristan''': ''[screaming]'' :'''Tristan''': Hey, stop! :'''Young guy''': You ever here looking both ways?! ''[droves off]'' :'''Tristan''': Hey, Hold on! :'''Joey''': You're going the wrong way! :'''Tristan''': Turn back! :'''Young guy''': ''[spots at the Orichalcos soldier]'' Whoa! Mommy! ''[falls off the motorcycle]'' It's just a dream... It's just a dream. ''[whimping and running away]'' :'''Joey''': See ya! ''[he and Tristan runs off as the Orichalcos soldier chases them]'' We've never out run this thing! :'''Tristan''': Joey! :''[Joey punches the Orichalcos soldier but then it shatters]'' :'''Tristan''': You beat him. :'''Joey''': ''[spots at Valon]'' Actually, I think he did. Hold on! I know you! [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|You're the ''one'' that took Mai!]] :'''Valon''': Right you are, mate! ''[droves turns around away]'' :'''Joey''': Hey! Come back! ''[runs after Valon]'' :'''Tristan''': Joey, Not again! Come back! :'''Joey''': ''[notices a motorcycle]'' This will do the trick. ''[puts the helmet on]'' Now... ''[picks up the motorcycle and hops on]'' Time to chase him down and save Mai! ''[droves off to chase Valon.]'' :'''Tristan''': Are you nuts?! ''[confused]'' I guess so. He's riding right into a trap. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': ''[chucking]'' Keep fighting, my soldiers. We must continue to collect the souls of man and beast, Until we have amassed enough power to rebuild Atlantis. ''[evil laughing]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Meanwhile Tristan was running a middle of the streets looking for Joey.]'' :'''Tristan''': Joey! Where are you?! ''[Mai’s motorcycle light appears towards him]'' Is that you Joey? :'''Mai Valentine''': ''[takes her bike helmet off]'' Not quite but I am looking for him. :'''Tristan''': Look, Mai… :'''Mai''': Save it, Dweeb! ''I'' know ''you’re'' his babysitter so where is ''he?!'' :'''Tristan''': How should ''I know?!'' One of ''your'' little pals forced him into a game of ''cat and mouse'' and now ''he's'' gone! :'''Mai''': ''[gasps]'' It’s Valon! :'''Tristan''': This is all your fault, Mai! ''[Mai puts her helmet on]'' ''You’re'' the one who got Joey into this mess in the first place! :'''Mai''': Out of my way! ''[drove off]'' :'''Tristan''': Hey! '''Get back here!''' The last thing ''he'' needs right now is '''''you!''''' ''[Mai ignores him and he growls]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': Here we are, old chum. Glad you could make it. Now let's get down to business, shall we? :'''Joey Wheeler''': Look, pal I want Mai back. :'''Valon''': Then why chase me? She happens to have a mind of her own, you know. :'''Joey Wheeler''': ''She'' did. At least... ''She'' did before ''you'' guys brainwashed ''her!'' :'''Valon''': You don't get it, mate. No one was brainwashed! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Huh? :'''Valon''': Mai chose to join ''our'' side with her own free will. And do you want to know why? She was sick of taking a back seat while you got all the fame! Then I stepped in and changed all that. :'''Joey Wheeler''': You messed with her head, that's what you did! She was the one of my best friends! But the last time I saw her she was saying things that Mai never would have said. :''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#My_Freaky_Valentine|he and Mai's duel she chose to join Dartz's team]] flashback ends.]'' :'''Valon''': Wake up, Wheeler! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Who do you think you are!? and what do you what with me? You better start Explain yourself, now!? :'''Valon''': Okay, look, the name's Valon, I led you here to get rid of you for good, 'cause Mai ''can't'' be happy with you around! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Huh? and what does that mean? :'''Valon''': You're a constant reminder of what here life used to be, and Mai whats to forget all that! But as long as you still exist in this world, she be never be able to forget! So, I'm here to erase you for good! ''[thinking]'' ''Plus, I know that deep down, Mai still loves you. and I can't have that!'' So, what do you say, Wheeler? Do we have ourselves a duel or not? Not that I'm giving you much of a choice! ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' :'''Joey Wheeler''': You know what, Valon, I never back down from a challenge especially when I'm fighting for a friend! Now let's duel! ''[their life points to 4000, Joey and Valon's duel begins]'' You're going down, My move. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': ''[panting]'' All right. I'm officially lost. ''[panting]'' Phew. I guess I can pretty much forget about finding Joey now. ''[but the Orichalcos soldier behind him]'' Huh? ''[Orichalcos soldier roaring]'' AHHH! YOU AGAIN?! ''[gulp]'' Hi, remember me? :'''Duke''': Huh? ''[stop the car]'' Tristan! :'''Mokuba''': What's going on? :'''Tea''': Maybe we should get someone else behind the wheel. :'''Duke''': Tristan needs our help, Look! :'''Tea''': ''[looks at Tristan with Orichalcos soldier]'' Oh no! :'''Tristan''': Come on! I’m taking whatever you got! :'''Yami Yugi''': Go, Celtic Guardian! :''[Celtic Guardian attacks Orichalcos soldier]'' :'''Tristan''': Huh? :'''Yami Yugi/Téa/Rebecca''': Tristan! :'''Duke''': Hey! Are you alright?! :'''Tristan''': Huh? ''[sees The Pharaoh, Téa, Duke and Rebecca running towards him]'' Thanks, Pharaoh. You came in the nick of time. Of course, I could have taken him myself. :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm afraid the only thing that would have been taken is your soul had we arrived any later. :'''Tristan''': I know, so those things are working for Dartz. :'''Téa''': Hey, Where's Joey? I thought you guys were together? :'''Tristan''': We were, Until he decided to hop on some guy's motorcycle and take off after one of Dartz's little flunkies. :'''Duke''': ''[shocked]'' You're kidding! :'''Rebecca''': Oh no! Was it Valon? :'''Tristan''': Who? :'''Duke''': It's Valon. He's the young guy that Rebecca and I dueled. :'''Téa''': Is that a bad thing? :'''Rebecca''': Not only does [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Deck of Armor|Valon have a thing against Joey]], but he's got a deck full of monsters I've never seen before. :'''Yami Yugi''': Let's go. We have to find Joey before it's too late. :'''Seto Kaiba''': That chump's gonna have to wait 'cause we've got bigger problems. :'''Yami Yugi''': What do you mean? :'''Seto Kaiba''': Look around you! ====Part 2==== :'''Joey Wheeler''': No, Not that! :'''Valon''': Well, looks like you're starting to catch on, mate. I play the Seal of Orichalcos! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': We’re just getting started. By the end of this duel, you’ll be begging for mercy. Then your old buddy Mai will see what a pathetic chump you really are, and hopefully she’ll realize why she walked out on you in the first place so she can move on already! :'''Joey''': Watch it, Valon! :'''Valon''': Look, mate… All I’m watching out for is myself! And right now, the best thing for me is to get rid of you! 'Cause as long as you’re around, Mai's gonna be obsessed with dueling you. :'''Joey''': Hmm? :'''Valon''': That’s right. Since your last duel, all she talks about is a rematch. But I can’t let Mai put herself in that kind of danger again… So I got to you first. You see Wheeler, I’m not such a bad guy. We both what the same thing. We want Mai to be happy. :'''Joey''': Come on, Valon… Get real. Ha. If you really wanted Mai to be happy… You wouldn’t have brainwashed her in the first place! :'''Valon''': I told you, ''She'' chose to join us! :'''Joey''': No way! I know Mai, and ''she'' never would have walked out on us like that. Not unless someone messed with her head! And if you asked me, This Dartz guy is messing with all of your ''heads!'' :'''Valon''': Hmm? :'''Joey''': That orichalcos card ''he'' gave you has evil magic in it, and it makes everyone who holds it go nuts! :'''Valon''': Are you done? If you are, then allow me to tell you the truth. That orichalcos card did more for Mai than you ever could. She was weak, and it made her strong! She was lost, and it showed her the way! :''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|Dartz joins Mai to part of Doma organization]], Dartz welcoming Mai.]'' :'''Dartz''': Welcome to our family, Miss Valentine. Now go, and remember the Orichcalos is always with you. :''[Mai went to see Valon outside]'' :'''Valon''': So, how's it feel? You've got what you always wanted. :'''Mai''': Look, I appreciate you taking me here... ''[holds up "The Seal of Orichalcos" card]'' But don't think this means I owe you anything. :'''Valon''': What? :'''Mai''': I do things my way. And I have no interest in being part of some team, Valon. I already made that mistake once and you know where it got me?Absolutely Nowhere. So, no, thanks. :'''Valon''': ''[chuckles]'' I know what you mean. You and I are exactly the same, Valentine. :'''Mai''': Hmm? :'''Valon''': We're both loners. But you have to admit... Sometimes it's not all that fun. :''[Then [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#The_Creator_Returns|After she tooked Pegasus' soul]], she has a long face]''. :'''Valon''': Why the long face, Mai? You just accomplished your first mission with flying colors. :'''Mai''': Yeah, I know, Valon. But defeating Maximilion Pegasus meant nothing to me. :'''Valon''': Huh? :'''Mai''': There's only one person out there I need to take apart, and that chump is Joey Wheeler. :''[flashback ends]'' :'''Valon''': Mai can’t stand the sight of you. And neither can I, mate. So I plan to take you down for her. Once you’re out of the picture, she can move on to bigger and much better things. Like teaming up with me and leaving behind her past once and for all! :'''Joey''': No way, Valon. Mai would never want to get rid of me after what we’ve been through. We’re friends! ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 1)#Keith's Machination|Joey and Mai inside the castle at Duelist Kingdom]]. flashback ends]'' Mai has nothing in common with you. So she may be a little rough around the edges and she can have an attitude every once in a while, but she’d never join up with a bunch of low-lives who have some crazy plan to take over the world. :'''Valon''': We’ll just see. :'''Joey''': Whatever you guys did to her… I’m gonna undo as soon if I’m gonna win this… so why do we moved on! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': I know Valon's around here somewhere and I have to stop this duel now. I better be too late 'cause I’m gonna make Wheeler pay for what he did to me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': Let's try this again. ''[typing the laptop]'' Come on... ''[groans]'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': Hey! Any luck in there, Rebecca? :'''Tea Gardner''': You've asked five times. She's working as fast as she can. :'''Duke Devlin''': Aren't ''you'' the one who told us to have faith? :'''Tristan Taylor''': Why don't ''you'' get off my back, Duke! Joey's in trouble, and it we don't move fast things could get even worse! :'''Tea Gardner''': Take it easy, Tristan. :'''Tristan Taylor''': I can't, Tea! Don't you guys see that this whole thing is my ''fault''!? :'''Yami Yugi''': No, Tristan. :'''Tristan Taylor''': When Joey and I got [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#On_the_Wrong_Track|separated from you guys]], ''he'' told me about his plan, and I should have talked to him out of it then. :''[Flashes back to Joey and Tristan carry Rex Raptor on the railway tracks to find Tea and the Pharaoh, but Joey long face.]'' :'''Joey Wheeler''': I just figured it all out. :'''Tristan Taylor''': Figured what out? What are you talking about, Joey? :'''Joey Wheeler''': Why [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|Mai teamed up with those low-lives]]. It's 'cause I was a terrible friend. I let her down. :'''Tristan Taylor''': That's crazy. :'''Joey Wheeler''': But it's true. If Dartz maybe the one that brainwashed her. But I'm the one that drove her away in the first place. Now I gotta go and set things straight by finding these guys and breaking that spell! :'''Tristan Taylor''': But how? ''[confused]'' Aw, man. :''[cuts back to the present]'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': What was I thinking?! How could I let him do this?! :'''Tea Gardner''': Joey's got a mind of his own, Tristan. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' ''Let's just hope he's using with his legendary dragon the Claw of Hermos.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': My move! ''[draws the card]'' Look out! Now we’re taking. Let’s see stand up to this guy! ''[holds up the "Claw of Hermos" card]'' :''[To Be Continued…]'': ====Part 3==== :'''Tristan''': I can't wait around anymore! ''[grunting]'' Joey needs our help and ''he'' needs it now! :'''Téa''': Tristan, you must chill. :'''Duke''': Téa's right, Tristan. Without Kaiba's tracking system we have no hope of finding him. :'''Tristan''': Am I the only one here who understands what's going on? Joey may be losing his soul as we speak. Let's go! :'''Téa''': I didn't think of it like that. Maybe we should go. :'''Yami Yugi''': Not yet. We have to have faith that Rebecca can find him. Until then I know Joey can take care of himself. He's been in tough situations before. :'''Téa''': Not this tough. :'''Rebecca''': Hey, I did it! I finally found Joey. If this read out's right, Joey's not far, guys. :'''Yami Yugi''': All right, I'll takes this and track him down. You move the trailer to a safer place. :'''Tea''': Not so fast Pharaoh. ''[Pharaoh stops and looks at Tea and Tristan]'' You're not going alone. :'''Tristan''': That's right. We're all this together. :'''Yami Yugi''': I guess You've made up your minds. ''[smile]'' Thank you. Now let's go. :'''Rebecca''': Ahem. :'''Yami Yugi''': Rebecca, You stay here. Duke, can you keep an eye on them until we get back. :'''Duke''': You got it. :'''Rebecca''': No, I want to go, too. Come on, Grandpa. :'''Arthur''': Uh-uh We've got our own work to do. We need your talents back here. :''[Rebecca sighs]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Rebecca, as soon as Joey safe, we'll find Yugi. :'''Rebecca''': Promise me he's all right. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi's going to be just fine. I promise. Please, trust me. :'''Duke''': Come on, man, you don't have a second to lose, so go kick some butt and take names. :'''Yami Yugi''': Well, that's one way to put it. :'''Tristan''': Let's chit-chat later, OK. :'''Rebecca''': Good luck with everything. :'''Yami Yugi''': You, too. :'''Arthur''': If you need us, just call. :'''Yami Yugi''': Right. :''[They ran off together to find Joey]'' :'''Arthur''': Don't worry, Rebecca. ''[Rebecca looks at her grandfather]'' Yugi will be back here safe and sound in no time at all. :'''Rebecca''': But how do you know? :'''Arthur''': Because I believe in the Pharaoh, and you should too. :'''Rebecca''': Fine. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': ''[thinking]'' You're mine, Wheeler. <hr width="50%"/> :''[When Mai showed up and found Valon in the duel with Joey]'' :'''Valon''': Hey, Mai! You're just in time to catch the end of the greatest duel ever played. :'''Mai''': ''[takes off her helmet]'' You and I had a deal, remember!? Joey Wheeler's mine! ''[Orichalcos blocks her]'' Ah! :'''Joey''': Mai, no! :'''Mai''': Look, you've done enough, so why don't you take a hike and let me finish this!? :'''Valon''': Sorry, no can do. :'''Mai''': Huh? :'''Valon''': I'm having way too much fun out here to stop now. Plus this duel is no place for you. :'''Mai''': Why's that? :'''Valon''': There's too much at stake. I won't let you risk losing everything you have. That's why I challenged Joey Wheeler in the first place to protect you. I wanted to get rid of him so you'd be able to move on with your life, and that's exactly what I'm gonna do. :'''Joey''': Guess what, Mai. I'm fighting for same reason. :'''Valon''': Then let's get on with it! Shall we? I can't wait to see what you play next. :'''Joey''': You're gonna have to wait, Valon, 'cause I play one card face down and end my turn. :'''Valon''': Big mistake, pal. ====Part 4==== :''[Joey and Valon were engaged in an armored standoff in the middle of the Oricalchos field]'' :'''Joey''': It's time to activate Big Bang Dragon Blow's special effect! ''[Joey tributes Red-Eyes Black Dragon to make Big Bang Dragon Blow supercharged]'' By sacrificing my Red-Eyes, I made my armored fist even more powerful! Now it's able to destroy all your monsters and subtract their strength from your Life Points! ''[Big Bang Dragon Blow builds up pressure against Valon and Joey sends Valon flying away from the center and destroying his Armor monsters]'' :'''Valon''': ''[skids to a halt]'' You did it. You won. ''[panting and making his Life Points drop to 0]'' Congratulations. Goodbye. :'''Mai''': ''[gasps]'' It's my fault. :'''Valon''': Don't be silly, Mai. I caused my own downfall. I thought if I won I could make you forget about Joey Wheeler. But now I understand why he meant so much to you. The guy's got heart. :'''Mai''': Valon, wait. :'''Valon''': Hey Joey, It's up to you now, Saved Mai. :'''Mai''': Valon! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Great Leviathan... I sense the arrival of powerful soul. Let's see who, shall we? ''[spots at Valon in stone]'' Well... look what the orichalcos dragged in. My former employee. Now it's Miss Valentine's turn to send me a soul... or to give up her own. ''[evily laughter]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mai hold Valon's lifeless body, her eyes full of tears]'' :'''Mai''': Valon. Come back... Valon. :'''Joey''': It's too late. The Orichalcos has him now. ''[Mai remembers to flashbacks to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Deck of Armor|what Valon said]] flashback ends]'' Hey, Mai... We'll get him back. :'''Mai''': How could he do this? Valon's the one who told me you have to duel for yourself. Then he turns around and fights you to protect me? How pathetic. Hmm. He deserved this. :'''Joey''': What? Look, Mai, Valon realized what ''he'' told ''you'' was wrong. ''He'' found out what dueling is really about determination and heart. :'''Mai''': Hmm. :'''Joey''': He fought like a true duelist today. :'''Mai''': I thought you wanted to destroy him. :'''Joey''': Hold on, Mai, Valon may have annoyed me... but no one deserves to have their soul taken away and then held captive by some power-hungry psychopath! I don't care who they are! :'''Mai''': Ha. :'''Joey''': You know what, Mai... ''I'' realize something now. As long as that Orichalcos thing has control over your mind, I'll never be able to talk any sense into you! As a matter of fact, the only way I can save you at this point is to duel you! So, what do you say!? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': I see. So you beat this loser and now it's gone to your head? :'''Joey''': It isn't like that, Mai. :'''Mai''': Why else would you be dumb enough to challenge me a duel? You should have learned your lesson from our last match. :'''Joey''': The only way I can get through to you… is by dueling you! :'''Mai''': If you say so. ''[activates her chaos duel disk]'' :'''Mai and Joey''': Let's duel! ''[their life points to 4000]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': Finally, you're giving me a ''real'' challenge… but you're gonna have to do better than that! 'Cause before my Aero Nail goes to the graveyard, it's transferring its power to my other Harpie! :'''Joey''': Fine! I place one card facedown! Give me your best shot! :'''Mai''': You're pretty confident for someone who's about to lose! Now, stand back! My move! I drew it. :'''Joey''': Oh, no! :'''Mai''': Yup! The Seal of Orichalcos! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': We're both locked in the Seal and only ''one'' of us will escape! No one can come to your rescue now. It's just you, me, and the most powerful magic card that's ever been created! :'''Joey''': I know. I was expecting this. ====Part 5==== :'''Téa''': We gotta find him! :'''Tristan''': Joey! Where are you, man?! :'''Téa''': Hey are you down there?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Joey! Answer us?! :'''Téa''': Hello?! :'''Tristan''': I could swear that Orichalcos thing activated right here. :'''Téa''': Me, too. So why isn't it here now? Unless we're too late! :'''Tristan''': Don't say that, Téa! :'''Yami Yugi''': Hang in there, Joey! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Congratulations. You win. :''[Collapses from exhaustion]'' :'''Mai''': Joey, no! You're wrong. I never attacked so you didn't lose the duel. :'''Joey''': But, I'm too exhausted... to finish. :'''Mai''': I won't let the Orichalcos take you away, Joey. :'''Joey''': It's too late for that. I already lost the duel, so there's no turnin' back. I'm just glad that if one of us had to lose our soul, it didn't have to be you, Mai. :'''Mai''': Don't say that. :'''Joey''': Hey, Mai, that was one of the greatest duels I ever fought. Thank you. :''[His spirit is taken by the Seal, leaving Mai horrified]'' :'''Mai''': Joey! NO! :''[The fragment of the Orchicalcos on her [[w: choker |choker]] shatters]'' :'''Dartz''': She's been set free! ''[spots at Joey Wheeler in stone]'' Ah! But what's this? It seems miss Valentine has served her purpose. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mai hold Joey's lifeless body, her eyes full of tears]'' :'''Mai''': Joey, wait! SNAP OUT OF IT! This is all my fault! I was angry and confused, and I blamed all my loneliness on you! So I tried to get rid of you. How could I be so selfish? You're the only one who ever cared about me. ''[sobbing]'' You're the closest friend I ever had, and how did I repay you? By leaving you for a madman who promised me power. ''[grabs the Claw of Hermos card]'' I'll make him regret the day he ever met Mai Valentine! ''[she hops the motorcycle droves off back to Paradius leaving Joey behind next to Valon.]'' ''The only way to fix this is to meet Dartz face to face.'' :''[Mai arriving back to Paradius headquarters and looks up]'' :'''Mai''': Here goes nothing. :''[?]'' :'''Mai''': Hey Dartz! Is that you? :'''Rafael''': Guess again, Mai. :'''Mai''': Rafael! What do you want!? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Pharaoh, Tristan and Tea arrives and they found a soulless Joey.]'' :'''Tristan''': ''[shocked]'' No way! :'''Tea''': What happened? :'''Yami Yugi''': He lost the duel. :'''Tea''': Wait, Does that mean? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes his soul belongs to Dartz now. ===''Grappling with a Guardian'' [4.30-32]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Téa''': Joey, please say something? :'''Yami Yugi''': I don't think he can hear us. :'''Téa''': Then it's true. The Orichalcos took his soul. :'''Tristan''': When I get my hands on the person who did this to Joey, they're gonna wish they were never born! Wake up, man. :'''Téa''': Who did do this? ''[she looks at the soulless Valon]'' 'Cause by the looks of Valon, I have to say it wasn't him. So Tristan what's going on here? :'''Tristan''': Don't you see Tea? Joey must have defeated Valon and then Mai showed up. ''She'' did this to him. I'm sure of it! :'''Téa''': How could she? :'''Tristan''': Easily. She couldn't wait to get rid of Joey. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's true, Tristan, However, There's only one person we can really blame for all of this, and I think you know who I mean. He hides safely in his fortress while others do his dirty work. Well, not anymore. ''[rans off]'' :'''Téa''': Pharaoh, Wait! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' This all ends now, Dartz. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': ''[voice-over, evilly laughing]'' We've been expecting you, Pharaoh. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Pharaoh looks at soulless Mai in the elevator]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[gasps]'' Mai? Mai, say something. She must have been in a duel, and it appears she lost both the duel and her soul belongs to Dartz now. I must put an end to this. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': Well, It's about time you showed up for our rematch. :'''Yami Yugi''': This doesn't concern you, Rafael. I'm here to see Dartz. Is your master so much of a coward that he sent you to do his battles for him? :'''Rafael''': Not quite. You owe me something. But first. ''[holds a card and he catches the card to the Pharaoh]'' Why don't you take this? :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[spots the Claw of Hermos card]'' It's the Claw of Hermos. Joey's card. So you're the one who defeated Joey, aren't you? :'''Rafael''': Actually, Mai beat Joey, then ''I'' defeated her. :'''Yami Yugi''': But why? Wasn't Mai on ''your'' side? :'''Rafael''': I never trusted her, and turns out I was right all along. ''[Flashback to his and Mai's duel inside Paradius; voice-over]'' After she took [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fighting for a Friend|Joey's soul]], ''she'' turned on us. :'''Mai''': I've had it with your ridiculous world domination mumbo jumbo and I want out! It's time for Dartz to answer for what ''he'' made ''me'' do to Joey. Let's see how ''he'' likes it when the orichalcos captures ''him!'' :'''Rafael''': You sure you don't wanna take that back? Dartz isn't exactly known for his sense of humor. :'''Mai''': So? :'''Rafael''': Then you leave me no ''choice.'' It's my duty to protect him, so goodbye to your soul. ''[activates his chaos duel disk and Mai activates her chaos duel disk, voice-over]'' Biggest mistake she ever made. :''[Rafael defeats Mai and she screaming as the orichalcos claims her soul away.]'' :'''Mai''': Joey! I'm sorry, I tried my best. ''[collapses and drops the Claw of Hermos card.]'' :'''Rafael''': ''[voice-over]'' Unfortunately, her best wasn't good enough. :''[the flashback ends]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': This madness has to stop. Just think of how many innocent lives have been destroyed. You may be next. :'''Rafael''': Do you think I really care? I made a commitment to help Master Dartz save the planet from crumbling at the hands of people like you, and if keeping my promise means giving up my own soul, well, then so be it, 'cause even if I'm captured, I'll be doing my part by giving the Great Leviathan the strength it needs to restore peace to the world once again. :'''Yami Yugi''': Wake up, Rafael! Can't you see that your so-called Master Dartz is just using you to satisfy his own selfish needs? If you really what to save the world, then stop fighting me and join my side. :'''Rafael''': As soon as the great beast is revived, I'm afraid your side will no longer exist, Pharaoh, and all it needs to get started is one more strong soul. :'''Yami Yugi''': Oh no. It's true. :'''Rafael''': You better believe it. as we speak, the Great Leviathan lurks in the shadows all over the earth. And as soon as I defeat you, your life energy will be offered to the beast, giving it the strength it needs to fully cross over into our world. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Tristan and Tea running the streets Tristan carried Joey]'' :'''Tristan''': Why did the Pharaoh take off liked that? :'''Téa''': He must've gone after Dartz for what happened to Yugi. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': As we speak, the most devastating creature that ever lived is waiting to rise again. All it needs now is your soul, and the Sacred Seal of Orichalcos will take care of that once I take you down. Of course, ''I'' already defeated you once, but somehow you were able to cheat me by switching places with someone else. ''[Flashes back to [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Fate_of_the_Pharaoh|their last duel as the Seal took Yugi]].]'' Don't even think about trying to pull a stunt like that gain, Pharaoh. I don't appreciate being lied to, and besides, there's no one for you to hide behind this time, 'cause now it's just you and me. The winner leaves a free man. The loser becomes a prisoner to the beast! :'''Yami Yugi''': You're on! If that's what it takes to set my friends free, then let's duel! And once you're out of my way, I can go straight for Dartz! It's just a shame that a duelist with your talents has to throw it all away by following a madman. :'''Rafael''': Look, Master Dartz opened me up the truth and made me who I am today. You're just jealous because you don't have one of these, right? ''[holds up the Seal of Orichalcos card]'' Well, not anymore, anyway. :'''Yami Yugi''': You can't tempt ''me'' with that again, Rafael. :'''Rafael''': I wasn't planning on it, but you can have one last look at it while you shuffle my deck… for old time's sake. :'''Yami Yugi''': I know what you're trying to do, and it won't work. I won't give in to my dark side! :'''Rafael''': We'll see about that. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' I must stay true to my heart, no matter what he tries to do. :''[The two shuffle their decks]'' :'''Rafael''': May the best man win...and when I do, you'll be gone forever. I'm gonna enjoy this. :'''Pharaoh and Rafael''': Time to Duel! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' I'm surprised he didn't play the Seal of Orichalcos right away. Perhaps he's toying with me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': Now I play Butterfly Dagger. This weapon gives my Backup Gardna 300 extra attack points. It also allows me to summon my Guardian Elma. :'''Yami Yugi''': I've never seen that Guardian monster. :'''Rafael''': There are plenty of monsters in my deck you've never seen, and this one lets me bring my Guardian Shield back from the graveyard. And I'll give it to Guardian Elma. Plus, my Backup Gardna's special ability transfers my Butterfly Dagger to Guardian Elma. Now, Guardian Elma… attack his Queen's Knight! Guardian Grarl, it's your turn now! Attack his King's Knight with Gravity Axe! What now, Pharaoh? What puny knight stands between me and your Life Points? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' He gave up his own strength to save his monster! ''[speaking]'' I'll place two cards face down and end my turn. ''[thinking]'' I've never come across a duelist like him before. He refuses to let any of his monsters go to the card graveyard. He protects them at all costs! Why would a duelist like this hold a card like the Seal of Orichalcos? ''[speaking]'' Rafael, don't you understand what's going on here? As long as you're loyal to Dartz, you'll never be true to yourself. You have too much respect for your cards to use them for such an evil purpose. But Dartz has brainwashed you into believing you're someone else! :'''Rafael''': The only thing Master Dartz did was open my eyes to the truth. :'''Yami Yugi''': You're ''wrong!'' :'''Rafael''': This world is an evil place, and ''you're'' part of the problem. So I'm here to fix that. And thanks to my master, I have just the tool to do it. Now, I play the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Yami Yugi''': NO, RAFAEL! PLEASE, DON'T! :'''Rafael''': Sorry, Pharaoh, it's too late for that now. Your fate is sealed! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Téa''': Hey look guys. It's Mai. :'''Mokuba''': ''[looks at soulless Mai]'' Oh, man. Don't tell me you guys she lost her soul too. :'''Tristan''': I don't mean to sound insensitive, but who's carrying her? :'''Yami Yugi''': You're making a mistake! RAFAEL! NO! ====Part 2==== :'''Rafael''': This time the Seal belongs to me! :'''Yami Yugi''': What were you thinking, Rafael? Now one of us is going to lose his soul. :'''Rafael''': That's the whole point, Pharaoh. The Great Leviathan needs power, and once I take you down and capture your soul, that legendary creature will have the strength it needs to awaken. :'''Yami Yugi''': We'll see. :'''Tristan''': That's the same guy who beat Yugi last time! :'''Seto Kaiba''': ''[shocked]'' What?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': It's time to bring out my ultimate monster, but first I'll play this card, Celestial Sword - Eatos! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' The Sword of Eatos? This can only mean one thing: he's about to summon Guardian Eatos! :'''Rafael''': Now I'll draw two cards. The time has come to play the card that beat you last time. It's my Guardian Eatos! :'''Yami Yugi''': I have to act quickly! With 500 Life Points left, I don't have much time! ''[Guardian Eatos soon becomes infected by the darkness of the Orichalcos]'' Look what you've done to your Guardian! It's been consumed by darkness! :'''Rafael''': Exactly, and it's more powerful than ever now. Nothing can stop it. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Guardian Eatos tries to destroy Yugi's Dark Magician with her Celestial Sword and it breaks, cutting her attack points back to 3000]'' :'''Rafael''': ''[shocked]'' Say what?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Allow me to clear things up for you. A few moments ago, I sent three monsters to my graveyard, one of which saved me. That card was this, my Electromagnetic Turtle! When this monster was destroyed, it created an electromagnetic barrier, shielding my magician from your attack. :'''Rafael''': No way. He had that planned all along! :'''Tristan''': In your face, meathead! :'''Rafael''': ''[thinking]'' The Pharaoh's gonna pay for mocking the power of my Guardian Eatos. ''[speaking]'' I END MY TURN! :'''Yami Yugi''': Perhaps you should've thought twice before you poisoned your own monsters with the dark powers of the Orichalcos. Take it from someone with experience. Betraying your monsters only backfires in the end. :'''Rafael''': You played the Seal of Orichalcos once and all of a sudden you're an expert of the subject? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': You can't win a duel with defense, Pharaoh. All you're doing is stalling for time. Well, I'm afraid your time's just run out. Eatos, destroy his most valuable monster, the Dark Magician! :'''Tristan''': Oh, no! :'''Téa''': Pharaoh! :'''Mokuba''': Do something! :'''Yami Yugi''': Magical Hats, activate! Hide my monsters! :'''Rafael''': What's going on?! :'''Tristan''': Awesome! Magical Hats shuffled Yugi's monsters so Blondie blasted the wrong one. :'''Mokuba''': That's true, but he gets to attack again, so Yugi's magician's still in danger! :'''Yami Yugi''': All right, one of these three remaining hats is concealing my monster, so go ahead! Hit me with your best shot! :'''Rafael''': ''[thinking]'' Three hats and one monster. I know what I have to do. I'll use Elma to improve my odds, then I'll send Grarl to finish things off. ''[speaking]'' Go, Elma! Find his Dark Magician! ''[Guardian Elma strikes her butterfly dagger at the second hat]'' Now I have a 50-50 shot. Guardian Grarl, attack! :''[Guardian Grarl punches the third hat with his fist, Dark Magician appears from the last hat]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Wrong hat! :'''Rafael''': Oh, no! :'''Yami Yugi''': What a shame. Looks like you used up all of your chances. :'''Rafael''': ''[thinking]'' How could I have messed that up?! I was about to win the duel and capture the Pharaoh! ''[speaking]'' My turn's not over yet! I activate my Rod of Silence! This lets me play another Guardian monster, my all-powerful Guardian Kay'est! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After the Pharaoh destroys Guardian Eatos with his Amulet Dragon, Guardian Dreadscythe appears on the field]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[horrified shock]'' What's that?! :'''Téa''': ''[terrified]'' I've got one word: nasty! :'''Tristan''': Here's four: I'm gonna be sick. :'''Yami Yugi''': For the last time, what is that thing?! :'''Rafael''': I told you-- when Eatos goes to the graveyard, '''''this''''' monster is summoned to the field in its place. So say hello to my Guardian Dreadsycthe! :'''Yami Yugi''': Hello and goodbye. It's no match for my dragon! :'''Rafael''': It will be. First, I'll boost its strength with my Reaper Scythe magic card. Now, for the best part, thanks to its new weapon, my Guardian of darkness gains 500 attack points for every monster in my graveyard. :'''Yami Yugi''': But why? I thought you despised having monsters in your graveyard! :'''Rafael''': But I despise ''you'' even more, so what's a few monsters in the grave if it means destroying you forever? And with only 500 Life Points left, you won't last long. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': I know first-hand what the Oricalchos does to a person's heart and I can help you. Think, when Earls was destroyed, you released your anger on your other monsters. You left the Oricalchos feed on your rage like I did. :'''Rafael''': So? What's your point? :'''Yami Yugi''': That this isn't who you really are. The darkness within you has taken control, and now you must face that darkness head on. It's the only way for you to save yourself. :'''Rafael''': ''You'' need to be saved. :'''Yami Yugi''': If you don't believe my words, then maybe this will convince you! :'''Rafael''': What are you holding? :'''Yami Yugi''': A card that forces you to take a closer look at yourself-- Underworld Circle! :'''Rafael''': What on earth does that do? :'''Yami Yugi''': BEHOLD! It's time to take some responsibility for what you've done, Rafael! Underworld Circle, activate! ====Part 3==== :'''Yami Yugi''': First, I'll use the magic of Underworld Circle to bring my Big Shield Gardna back from the graveyard! Then, I'll activate my Pot of Greed! This let me draw two cards. ''[thinking]'' Excellent. That's just the card I've been waiting for! ''[speaking]'' Time to face what you did… when you betrayed your heart! For now, I activate the magic card, Spider Web, which let me use a card from your graveyard! :'''Rafael''': What's the point of all this? :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm using my Spider Web to bring back your Monster Reborn card. And I'm planning on using it to save you by setting you free from the darkness! :'''Rafael''': Yeah, whatever. :'''Yami Yugi''': I use Monster Reborn to revive a creature that once saved your life and that you in turn, deserted! ''[resurects Guardian Eatos]'' :'''Rafael''': Eatos?! :'''Téa''': What's he gonna do with that card? :'''Mokuba''': Hopefully win. :'''Yami Yugi''': One more thing. ''[thinking]'' Joey… I can only accomplish this with your help. ''[speaking]'' I summon The Claw of Hermos! :'''Tristan''': Hey, Joey! Check it out, man! He just summoned your boy! :'''Yami Yugi''': And now, Hermos and Queen's Knight, combine together to form Goddess Bow! That doubles the attack points of Guardian Eatos! And since Eatos has been removed from your graveyard, your Dreadscythe gets weaker! :'''Rafael''': What are you up to? Our monsters are even now. So if you attack, they're both destroyed. But mine comes back! :'''Yami Yugi''': We'll see about that! I have a few more surprises planned! Eatos attack his Dreadscythe, NOW! I activate the special ability of my Goddess Bow! Now every time your Dreadscythe revives itself, Eatos can attack again! :'''Rafael''': No! :'''Yami Yugi''': And don't forget, with each attack, you lose another card! :'''Mokuba''': Of course! If Rafael runs out of cards, his monster can't come back! :'''Yami Yugi''': The dark flame of your Dreadscythe is now extinguished. ===''A Duel with Dartz'' [4.33-38]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Rafael''': Go! Hurry! Stop him! Stop Dartz! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Yes come home my children. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': Dude, what's with all these people chiseled in stone? :'''Téa''': They're just any people! Take a look! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[spots at Yugi, Joey, Mai, Pegasus, Weevil, Rex, Alister, Valon and all many people in stone]'' Oh, no! There's Mai and Weevil! :'''Tristan''': This must be everyone who lost their soul! :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi! :'''Dartz''': ''[voice-over]'' What a touching reunion. Too bad your friends turned out to be a bunch of stiffs. ''[laughing evilly and reveals himself from fire]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Dartz! :'''Dartz''': You were expecting someone else? Well, due to the carelessness of my employees, ''I'm'' the only one left. You can't find good help these days. :'''Kaiba''': Look, I want my company back, so can the small talk! :'''Dartz''': Is that so? Well, guess what? We all want something. As for me, I want your souls for my wall. I even have the spot picked out. :'''Kaiba''': Save it, Dartz! It'll take a lot more than a few party tricks to scare me! :'''Yami Yugi''': Now, for the last time, release our friends! :'''Dartz''': That's not possible. :'''Yami Yugi''': What do you mean? :'''Dartz''': I mean they've already been put to use. As we speak, their life energy supplies to the most devastating creature that ever lived. :'''Téa''': Oh, great. Now, what? :'''Dartz''': My 10,000 year old collection is almost complete. Once I get you two, the beast can rise. :'''Yami Yugi''': Hold on! You've been collecting souls for all those years?! Do you know how many lives you've destroyed?! :'''Dartz''': ''[snickers evilly]'' Millions! And each one of them deserved their fate! Take a moment to look around, won't you? Some of my favorite conquests are in this very room. And since it's taken me millennia to complete, it's quite the history lesson. :'''Tea''': He's right. Look at the outfits on these guys. :'''Mokuba''': So some of these people lived in the past? :'''Dartz''': Now you're catching on. Ever since the Great Leviathan was laid to rest, I've been gathering the energy necessary to fuel its rebirth. :'''Kaiba''': Come on, you expect us to believe that junk? :'''Dartz''': Ye of little faith. Just duel me and I promise I'll make a believer out of you, For when you lose, there will be no denying my power. :'''Kaiba''': Then let's stop talking and start dueling. :'''Yami Yugi''': You can't, Kaiba-- not alone. This lunatic is far too dangerous. :'''Dartz''': So why don't you join him? And when I defeat you, I'll get two souls for the price of one! :'''Yami Yugi''': All right. Ready, Kaiba? :'''Kaiba''': I'm way ahead of you. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Meanwhile… Rafael puts a soulless Valon on the back of the jeep along a soulless Mai on front seat]'' :'''Rafael''': Don't worry, I'll save you both. Mark my words, Dartz is gonna pay. <hr width="50%"/> :''[After the Pharaoh and Kaiba summon Blue-Eyes White Dragon and Black Luster Soldier, both monsters with 3000 attack points]'' :'''Mokuba''': All right! Dartz better watch out! They just summoned two major league monsters on their first turn! :'''Dartz''': Those pathetic creatures may work in your little card tournaments, but I'm afraid ''I'' play a completely different game-- a game in which the winner takes ALL, and the loser pays the ultimate price! This card was born from the darkness itself! ''[echoes]'' Behold, a power that has existed since the dawn of time. The very power that shall strip you of your souls! ''[plays the Seal of Orichalcos]'' :'''Kaiba''': Oh, no! :'''Yami Yugi''': The Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Mokuba''': Whoa. Do you feel that? :'''Tristan''': If you mean the sudden drop in temperature and that freaky evil vibe in the air, then yes, I do. :'''Téa''': ''[worried]'' Me too. :'''Dartz''': Now that I've set the tone for this duel, allow me to continue. Watch this… Arise, Orichalcos Gigas! :'''Yami Yugi''': I faced this beast before, and it was almost impossible to destroy, Kaiba. :'''Kaiba''': That's 'cause last time you didn't have me to bail you out. :'''Dartz''': Next, I'll sacrifice 500 of my Life Points. That let's me summon my Orichalcos Kyutora. And, thanks to the Seal, it gets an additional 500 points. All right. I guess that'll do for now. ====Part 2==== :''[Dartz, Yami Yugi, and Kaiba hovering above the city of Atlantis]'' :'''Dartz''': Behold, the lost city of Atlantis and all its glory. Just as it was 10,000 years ago, a perfect civilization or so I thought. Surrounded by oceans as far as the eye could see, we were isolated from the rest of the world. :''[A scene depicts the once glorious city of Atlantis and all of Earth's creatures]'' :'''Dartz''': Our lives were simple, we existed side by side with all of Earth's creatures and we knew nothing of violence. But, then that changed. :''[a meteor shower rains upon Atlantis]'' :'''Dartz''': Darkness ascended upon us and a strange substance rained down from the heavens. A substance that will change our lives. :'''Yami Yugi''': The Orichalcos. :'''Kaiba''': Please tell me that story time is over, I'd like to duel. :'''Dartz''': The tale of my past directly affects the fate of your future. So if I were you, I pay close attention. :''[it seems the city of Atlantis had changed]'' :'''Dartz''': Now thanks to the stones of the Orichalcos, the people of Atlantis needed advancement in technology that were never before imagine. And soon, I ruled over the most highly developed civilization the world had ever known. However, with progress comes greed and eventually violence, I knew what had to be done. But, my father, former king Ironheart had different ideas. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[shocked]'' Ironheart was your father?! But how? :'''Kaiba''': If you ask questions, this ridiculous story is never going to end. :'''Dartz''': That old fool never had what took to be king and on my 21st birthday, he allowed me to take over and filled his unimpressive shoes. So as technology continued to advance and the hearts of my people continued to seek deeper into the darkness. It was up to me to remedy the situation, the citizens of Atlantis were growing more and more selfish. And if I didn't act soon, I would lose complete control, but even I couldn't have imagine what would happen next. :''[The Orichalcos began to show the true nature of the Atlanteans]'' :'''Dartz''': The Orichalcos began to test us, it revealed the truth about who we were. :''[The people of Atlantis are beginning to turn into monsters]'' :'''Dartz''': Those who were wicked on the inside became wicked on the outside. :''[Meanwhile, Iona is struggling]'' :'''Dartz''': Iona, are you all right? :'''Dartz''': Wait, come back! What's going on?! :''[Dartz soon finds out that his beloved wife also turned into a monster]'' :'''Dartz''': Iona! :'''Dartz''': I didn't realize it first, but the true colors of my people were revealed to me that day. :'''Dartz''': But why? Why is this happening? :''[a bright green light appears in the water fountain]'' :'''Dartz''': I couldn't understand how a society as perfect as ours could crumble like this. :''[He picks up an Orichalcos stone]'' :'''Dartz''': But soon the Orichalcos would answer all my questions. The people of Atlantis were evil and I have been chosen to wipe them out and start over again. But I couldn't accomplish such a task on my own, I was but one man so the Orichalcos gave me a gift, something powerful enough to lead my fight against mankind. For deep below the Earth's surface lives the most incredible creature ever lived, the Great Leviathan! And it was mine, and shortly that this great beast will return to finish what it began! :'''Dartz''': I was ready to begin my task of recreating civilization on Earth, but one person stood in my way. :''[A scene where Ironheart, Chris, and Skye are in the throne room]'' :'''Ironheart''': My son, you know what you have to do. Destroy those Orichalcos stones so we can return the light we once knew. :''[Dartz sitting on his throne with a gold eye]'' :'''Dartz''': ''[laughs]'' Do you honestly believe that we can go back to the way things were. It's too late for that, Father. :'''Ironheart''': But, Dartz... :'''Dartz''': The true nature of our people have been exposed. We now know that the citizens of this planet are evil and must be destroy! :'''Ironheart''': What?! :'''Dartz''': You heard me, old man! We should be thanking the Orichalcos for showing us the truth. Not blaming it for the faults of mankind, but this mysterious substance that rained down above us had open up my eyes. Not only has it showed me what's wrong, it's given me the tools to fix it. For now I have the power to awaken a mighty creature known as the Great Leviathan! And by the power of the Orichalcos, this beast will rise up from the depths of the earth and fight by my side! And when I'm through, I shall rebuild civilization! :''[The stones have summoned an army of Orichalcos soldiers]'' :'''Ironheart''': Dartz! What's going on?! :''[Dartz laughs evilly]'' :'''Dartz''': Meet my Orichalcos soldiers! :'''Chris''': ''[scared]'' Grandpa, I'm scared! :'''Dartz''': If you join my side, you have nothing to fear. If not, farewell. :'''Ironheart''': We'll never join you! Never! Let's go, Chris! :''[They escape from the throne room]'' :'''Dartz''': Have it your way. :''[Dartz appears on his balcony and addresses his army]'' :'''Dartz''': The time has come to cleanse the world of its impurities! So arise my children and conquer the people of Earth! And this planet shall be yours! :''[Meanwhile Ironheart, Chris, and Skye are walking from their city and they enter a cave]'' :'''Chris''': What are we going to do, Grandpa? :'''Ironheart''': Your father is under the control of an evil force and he must be stopped. The future of our planet depends on it. Through there, hurry! :''[Chris and Skye suddenly runs through an carving of monsters on the walls]'' :'''Chris''': What's there? Why are those monsters carved in stone? :'''Ironheart''': We've come here to ask for their help. :''[The scene depicts the battle of Atlantis between Dartz's Orichalcos army and Ironheart's army of monsters]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': And so the Battle of Atlantis began! You see my father had opened up a gateway to the Dominion of the Beasts and he used the monsters within to form an army of his own. :'''Yami Yugi''': Tell me, what was the battle's outcome? :'''Dartz''': Neither side were victorious and Atlantis sunk to the bottom of the sea. My father's monster army were scattered around the world and sealed away until they be needed again. The Leviathan was drained of its power and also sealed away. It's taken me 10,000 years to gather the energy necessary to bring it back. All that's left of me to do is to defeat you two in this duel. Then your souls will awaken the Great Leviathan and my plan will finally come to pass. :'''Kaiba''': Hold on! We already defeated you! Our Master of Dragon Soldier should've wipe out the rest of your life points. :'''Dartz''': Perhaps it should have, but I'm afraid it didn't. Your pathetic attack failed short of its target. So this duel is still on. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Orichalcos Gigas, return! :'''Yami Yugi''': I told you, Kaiba. Each time his Gigas is destroyed, it comes back even stronger! :'''Dartz''': Face it, you'll never defeat me! The power of the Orichalcos will swallow you both! Now back to the duel. Since my Gigas returned to me, I can't draw a card. But no matter, everything I need is in my hand. So I'll enhance the power of the Seal with this-- the magic of Orichalcos Deuteros! ''[laughs evilly]'' :'''Kaiba''': What's going on?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Somehow he's made the Seal of Orichalcos stronger! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Dartz activates the Orichalcos Deuteros spell card, adding another layer to the Seal of Orichalcos]'' :'''Dartz''': Gentlemen, welcome to the second level of darkness! :'''Kaiba''': The what?! :'''Yami Yugi''': I don't know how. But Dartz just added another layer to the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Tea''': Right! So what does that mean? :'''Dartz''': The first benefit of my Orichalcos Deuteros, is the addition of 500 Life Points each turn for every monster I have on the field. Therefore, since I have two, that's 1,000 points! :'''Kaiba''': What?! How are we supposed to wipe him out?! :'''Dartz''': You're not. It makes me invincible! Next, I'll attack your Master of Dragon Soldier! Go, my Orichalcos Gigas! :'''Yami Yugi''': Nice try! But my dragon's too strong! :'''Dartz''': Kyutora, absorb ''all'' the damage! ''[chuckles]'' My Life Points are safe. And now, my Gigas returns! :'''Tristan''': That creep! He's letting his Orichalcos Gigas get its butt kicked on purpose, so it can come back stronger! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' That can't be it. His monster would have to be destroyed seven more times before it could defeat my dragon. So there must be more to his plan. Perhaps the secret lies in his Kyutora, and its ability to absorb attack damage. Yes! That creature must have another special ability! :'''Kaiba''': All right, Dartz, my move! ''[thinking]'' As long as that eyesore is on the field, it's pointless to attack his Orichalcos Gigas because Dartz won't lose any Life Points. Plus, Gigas will just come back stronger. But if I attack Dartz directly, I should be able to win the duel! ''[speaking]'' I place one card facedown on the field! And next… I summon my Blade Knight! And since I have only one card left in my hand, Blade Knight gets another 400 attack points! I think that'll do for now. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' He's setting himself up for something. :'''Kaiba''': ''[thinking]'' Yugi better not screw this up for me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kaiba''': Oh, no! That attack was supposed to hit Dartz, not his monster! :'''Yami Yugi''': It's a force field! But how did he create it? :'''Dartz''': By using the second layer of the Seal, of course. Whenever my Life Points are targeted, my Orichalcos Deuteros steps in to defend me. It's simple. ''I'' make a sacrifice so that your monster takes the hit! You know what that means, right? Your dragon just attacked itself! ====Part 3==== :'''Dartz''': So tell me, Gentlemen, what do you think of my newest soldiers? I'm sure there's no need for any introductions. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's not funny, Dartz. :'''Dartz''': Maybe not to you. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's enough. :'''Kaiba''': Just drop the magic act and let's duel. :'''Dartz''': But we are dueling, you insensible twit. We're just doing it by my rules, that's all. Since I now control the souls of your former friends, I thought it would be fun to let them play along with us. :'''Téa''': Leave them alone! :'''Tristan''': What did they do to you?! :'''Dartz''': You should be thanking me. :'''Yami Yugi''': And why's that? :'''Dartz''': I'm giving you one last chance to see your companions. Before their souls are gone forever. :'''Yami Yugi''': You'll never take them away from us, Dartz! :'''Dartz''': That's right, Pharaoh. Let your anger consume you. Feel the darkness within you beginning to spread. The stronger your rage, the more powerful the Great Leviathan will be when it absorbs your soul. Now where we? Ah, yes. Mirror Knight Yugi. It's time to attack your other half. :'''Yami Yugi''': No, Yugi! Fight it! I know you can hear me! :''[Yugi struggles to fight against Dartz's command]'' :'''Dartz''': What's this? My soldier is still loyal to you? How touching. [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Self_Destruction|Even though you turned your back on him, he refuses to seek revenge]]. That will soon change. :'''Yami Yugi''': We'll see. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Kaiba! :'''Kaiba''': Just save it! That second-rate chump has held me back for the last time! Different Dimension Dragon Attack! :'''Yami Yugi''': No! Don't do this! :'''Kaiba''': Too late! :''[Knight Yugi's shield disintegrates]'' :'''Kaiba''': No way! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': You don't look happy to see me, and after all we've been through. Where's the love? Don't answer that. I've heard enough lies from ''you''. The Pharaoh opened me up to the truth. :'''Dartz''': Really? :'''Rafael''': Yeah, really. Thanks to him, [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Grappling_with_a_Guardian|I was able to escape the seal of orichalcos with my soul still intact]] unlike them and everyone else you used. Now set them free before you end up on that wall. :'''Dartz''': Your soul may have been spared, but it sounds like the orichalcos took what was left of your brain. :'''Rafael''': What's that supposed to mean? :'''Dartz''': It means you're more gullible than ever. Do you honestly think the darkness that once controlled you is gone? :'''Rafael''': Yes. The Pharaoh set me free. :'''Dartz''': Did he... Hmm. Or did he just trick you the way you think I did? :'''Rafael''': Stop it! You're messing with my head. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Rafael, You mustn't listen to him. :'''Rafael''': Everything is your fault. ''You'' took ''me'' from my family. :'''Dartz''': I needed your anger, your thirst for revenge. :'''Rafael''': ''[enraged]'' '''YOU RUINED MY LIFE, YOU MONSTER!''' ====Part 4==== :'''Dartz''': It's time to reinforce the sacred Seal with its most powerful layer thus far! Behold the ancient magic of my Orichalcos Tritos! ''[adds a third layer to the Seal of Orichalcos]'' Welcome to level 3, gentlemen. :'''Yami Yugi''': How can the Seal possibly get any stronger?! :'''Dartz''': We're dealing with a force greater than the darkest shadows and older than time itself. Does that answer your question? :'''Mokuba''': Whoa! :'''Téa''': His Life Points are out of control! :'''Dartz''': Orichalcos Malevolence, use your special ability to switch Kaiba's dragon into attack mode! So I'm afraid this is goodbye. With an attack strength of only 1400, your dragon is far too weak to defend your Life Points. :'''Kaiba''': So that means… :'''Yami Yugi''': You lose! :'''Dartz''': Now my beast, bring Kaiba's soul to me! :'''Kaiba''': Wrong! I activate my Shrink card! :'''Dartz''': ''[chuckles and the third layer of the Seal destroys Kaiba's magic card]'' Is it beginning to sink in yet? When used properly, the Seal of Orichalcos is unmatched by any other card in the game! And due to its third layer, your magic and trap cards are useless against me! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Kyutora has ''another'' ability! Whenever it's destroyed, it '''''evolves!''''' :''[Orichalcos Kyutora is destroyed and Orichalcos Shunoros appears]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Oh, no! What's going on?! :'''Kaiba''': What is that?! :'''Dartz''': My little friend is all grown up, so playtime's over! Gentlemen, I'd like you meet Orichalcos Shunoros! :'''Kaiba''': Did you see what I see?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Unfortunately. :'''Téa''': See what? :'''Tristan''': That thing's got 20,000 points! :'''Dartz''': Don't look so surprised. ''You're'' the ones who created this unstoppable beast! You may have destroyed my previous monsters, but you unleashed something far worse! :'''Yami Yugi''': It can wipe us out in one strike! :'''Dartz''': You're absolutely right, but before I do that, I have some more bad news to share. Orichalcos Shunoros, activate your special ability! Release Orichalcos Dexia… and Orichalcos Aristeros! :'''Yami Yugi''': What's the meaning of this?! :'''Dartz''': Allow me to clear things up. Shunoros just released two more creatures. The first one is known as Dexia, and its attack strength is always 300 points higher than the monster it's battling, making it the perfect sword! And the second one is just as strong. It will intercept every one of your attacks and retaliate with a blast that's 300 points greater than the one you fired, making Orichalcos Aristeros the perfect shield! You'll never get past my triple threat! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' Not only is his monster more powerful than Kaiba's dragon… but with Dexia and Aristeros on the front line, our attacks won't even get through! :'''Dartz''': I activate the trap card, Martyr Curse! This forces one of your monsters to engage in a battle with one of my monsters. And as a nasty little side effect, it cancels out any special abilities your creature may have. And since I don't seem to have much of a choice, I'll target your Mirror Force Dragon! Without its reflecting power, your dragon's completely defenseless, which means you're about to be out one soul! Orichalcos Shunoros, remove Kaiba's Life Points so the Orichalcos can remove his spirit! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Kaiba's Wish of Final Effort trap card increases Yugi's Life Points and loses his soul when his Life Points dropped down to zero…]'' :'''Dartz''': Pharaoh, it looks like you're the soul survivor. :'''Yami Yugi''': You disgust me. :'''Dartz''': I'll tell you what. Since I already have what I need... You can keep the rest of him! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Don't worry, Pharaoh. Your friends are fine. I don't need weak souls. I just wanted to spend some quality time with you, one-on-one. Is that so wrong? :'''Yami Yugi''': That's enough! :'''Dartz''': But there's something I think you'll want to know. You and I met 5,000 years ago when you were king of Egypt. We may not have been officially introduced, but I was there watching you. :'''Yami Yugi''': Go on. :'''Dartz''': When the battle of Atlantis ended, I thought the Great Leviathan was gone forever. That is, until I met you. :'''Yami Yugi''': Hold on! What does that evil creature of yours have to do with me?! :'''Dartz''': I thought you'd never ask. Behold the Palace of the Pharaoh in year 3000 B.C.! Ring any bells? Hmm? ====Part 5==== :'''Joey''': Huh? I've had some weird dreams, but this one takes the cake. Wait, hold on. I remember being trapped in a duel, but... how did I end up floating around in here? :'''Yugi Muto''': ''[offscreen]'' Joey? Is that you? :'''Joey''': Yugi! Long time no see! :'''Yugi''': I'm glad you're all right! :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': Please, bubble boy, you call this "all right"? :'''Yugi and Joey''': Pegasus! :'''Pegasus''': If we don't escape soon, we never will! :'''Joey''': Hmm? Where exactly are we, anyway, Huh? ''[spots at Valon, Mai Valentine, Weevil Underwood, Rex Raptor, Alister, Rafael and Seto Kaiba]'' Wait! Everyone in here had their soul captured! This must be where the orichalcos spits you out after you lose a duel! Aah! Calm down. Maybe it is just a dream. Uh... :'''Yugi''': It's no dream. And take a look, Joey. Things are about to get worse! :'''Joey''': What's that!? :'''Pegasus''': Don't you pay attention? That's the Great Leviathan, and it's using human souls for power. :'''Joey''': It's doing what!? But I don't wanna be turned into soul food! :'''Yugi''': We can still get out of this mess if the Pharaoh defeats Dartz! :'''Joey''': Huh? But how see gonna do that? ''[looks at Seto Kaiba]'' Rich boy's with us now. That means.... The Pharaoh's facing Dartz alone out there! :'''Yugi''': Wrong. Kaiba may have been knocked outta the fight... But the Pharaoh's not alone, Joey. :'''Joey''': I'm afraid I don't follow, Yuge. :'''Yugi''': He's still got all of us. Sure, we're not right there next to him, but we've never let that stop us before. :'''Joey''': Yeah, but I don't know if that's gonna work this time, 'Cause Dartz is playin' by a whole new set a rules. and nothing can take down that orichalcos card. :'''Pegasus''': There is one thing that can help. :'''Joey''': Huh? :'''Pegasus''': It's the card I gave him. And if the Pharaoh draws it, He'll be able to unleash a force like no other. :'''Joey''': In this card can beat Dartz? :'''Pegasus''': Yes. You see, it was during a trip to Egypt that I was inspired to create the game of duel monsters after making an astonishing discovery. Ancient kings and sorcerers once performed dark rituals to conjure real monsters. These creatures were believed to have lived in a universe parallel to ours, and guarding the gateway to this dominion of the beasts were three legendary dragons known as Timaeus, Critias, and Hermos. But you already know about them, right? :'''Joey''': Right. :'''Pegasus''': What you don't know is that these dragons aren't what they appear to be. They were buried with a dark secret. So I created a card that unlocks this mystery. :'''Yugi''': I don't get it. What's the secret? :'''Pegasus''': I spent many years scouring the globe trying to find an answer to that very question, Yugi boy. First I searched the microscopic world for the tiniest clues. then I scanned the vast reaches of the universe, and still nothing. Other than on stone tablet hidden deep beneath the sands of Egypt, there was no record of the existence of these dragons. Then it dawned on me. What if these dragons aren't dragons at all? What if they're humans! :'''Yugi''': Humans!? But how is that possible, Pegasus? and what does it have to do with that mystery card you gave to the Pharaoh? :'''Pegasus''': During the battle of Atlantis, Dartz transformed three brave knights into dragons in an effort to weaken them. Now the Pharaoh must restore them to their original form... Before we disappear forever! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': ''[shocked by the Pharaoh's Millennium Puzzle preventing the Orichalcos to take his soul]'' Impossible! No one can overcome the power of the Orichalcos! You should have lost the duel! What's going on?! Why didn't the Seal take your soul?! Tell me! :'''Yami Yugi''': You forced me to gaze inside my heart, thinking I would find only darkness. But you were wrong. :'''Dartz''': Then you gazed in the wrong place! :'''Yami Yugi''': Look, believe what you wish, but I know the truth. My heart is filled with the light of friendship, and no magic can take that away, no matter how strong it is. So, thank you. You reminded me that my friends are always with me. And we're going to win this fight and take you down together! Dartz… It all ends right now! ''[draws and gasps; thinking]'' It's the card Pegasus gave me! I can sense it! :'''Dartz''': Well? Get on with it. :'''Yami Yugi''': Do you know what's in my hand? The key to unlocking the secret of the legendary dragons! :'''Dartz''': ''[gasps]'' What?! :'''Yami Yugi''': You heard me. Legend of Heart! I give up 1,000 Life Points and remove my Obnoxious Celtic Guardian from the field! This lets me summon Critias, Hermos, and Timaeus in their true form! :'''Timaeus''': Finally! After 10 millennia in captivity, we've been set free! :'''Dartz''': No! Not them! :''[The three legendary knights appear in their true forms on Yugi's side of the field]'' :'''Timaeus''': I am he who is named Timaeus! :'''Critias''': And I am… Sir Critias! :'''Hermos''': I am known as… Sir Hermos! :'''Legendary Knights''': In the name of Atlantis… we have been reborn! :'''Dartz''': ''[shocked in disbelief]'' I thought I took care of you centuries ago! ''[The three knights slam their swords onto the ground and destroy the Seal of Orichalcos; horrified]'' What have you done?! My precious Seal is gone! :'''Hermos''': Your ring of darkness is useless in our presence! :'''Critias''': Did you forget our last encounter? :'''Timaeus''': I certainly did not. And I have a score to settle with you! :'''Yami Yugi''': The time has come to weaken your defense! ====Part 6==== <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': You lose, Dartz. Your 10,000 year quest is finally over. :'''Dartz''': It can't be. I've come too close. All I need is one more powerful soul and the Great Leviathan will arise from the depths of the earth. :'''Yami Yugi''': Too little, too late. Your serpent has been destroyed, and with that, our duel come to an end. Now release the souls of my friends and everyone else you've held captive. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Téa''': ''[in tears]'' It is you, Yugi! :'''Yugi''': Téa? :'''Téa''': I thought we'd never see you again! :'''Yugi''': It's good to see you, too. :'''Joey''': All right, Out of my way people. Where's my little buddy? Ha Ha! Yug! Man did I miss this spikey little head. :'''Yugi''': Hey, Joey! :'''Téa''': The gang is back! :'''Tristan''': Don't forget about me! <hr width="50%"/> ===''Rise of the Great Beast'' [4.39-40]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Dark Magician Girl''': Monsters, unite. Without us all hope is lost. We must join forces with the humans! And together we shall defeat the Great Beast. Now go! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': That Leviathan's a goner! It's 3 on 1 up there! :'''Kaiba''': I see you can count! Unfortunately, numbers aren't everything! :'''Yugi''': You can do this, Pharaoh! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': My Leviathan is fueled by the darkness of my prisoners! :'''The Pharaoh''': Wrong, Dartz! I was able to transform the darkness in their hearts to light! A light which now fuels MY beasts! :'''Dartz''': NO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, PHARAOH?!?! :'''Kaiba''': Hey, look! I guess the Gods did pull through! :'''Joey''': Told ya! That means everyone Dartz captured is free! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': I'm back. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi''': Look! It’s the portal that led us here! :'''Joey''': Alright! Home sweet home here we come! <hr width="50%"/> ====Part 2==== :'''Dartz''': Now, Great Leviathan! Crush the Pharaoh with his own darkness! :'''Yugi''': Let him go! :'''Yami Yugi''': No! Get back! :'''Yugi''': Huh? :'''Yami Yugi''': This is my fight now, I must prove that my rage is gone! ''[Yugi gasps flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|Yami Yugi and Rafael's first duel, the Pharaoh activated The Seal of Oricalcos card]]. flashback ends]'' When I played that card, I unlocked the evil in my heart, Ever since then, I’ve been fighting the anger within me, and now it’s destroying me. :'''Yugi''': But you stopped it… Didn’t you? :'''Yami Yugi''': No, Yugi! Listen. Facing you in that duel was a first step, But there’s a long way to go. ''[grunting]'' The darkness… It’s power knows no bounds. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Self Destruction|Yami and Yugi’s duel in the Stone Wasteland]] flashback ends.]'' :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh! Be strong! Focus on the good inside you! Think of your friends! :'''Yami Yugi''': Of course. As long as I’m filled with the light of friendship, Dartz can’t win. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#A Duel with Dartz|their duel]] and flashback ends]'' Thanks to my friends, I have enough light to banish the darkness! So with the power of everyone in my heart, I shall seal you away! '''BE GONE!''' :'''Dartz''': Great Leviathan, vanquish the Pharaoh's spirit for all eternity! :'''Yugi''': Get out while you can! :'''Yami Yugi''': You must trust me! :'''Dartz''': '''NO! THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE!''' :''[?]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Man''': The hurricane, It seens to be gone. :'''Captain''': Are you sure you're reading that thing right? :''[Back at Monument Valley, Duke Devlin, Rebecca and Professor Arthur Hawkins saw dark clouds are lifting out to the skylight.]'' :'''Arthur Hawkins''': The Darkness is Lifting. :''[Back at Atlantis]'' :'''Yugi''': You did it. ''[Yami collapses he helps him]'' Hey, are you all right? :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm fine, Yugi, The Great Leviathan is gone. :'''Yugi''': Yeah. Thanks, pal. It's over now. ''[spots at Dartz]'' But what about Dartz? :''[Dartz wakes up his dark side is gone then the light glow when Ironheart, Chris and Skye appears]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi, Look it's Ironheart, and Chris. :'''Dartz''': Father, Chris, It's you. :'''Chris''': Dad, you're back! :'''Ironheart''': My son, At long last. And you have the great pharaoh to thank. He drove out the evil force that controlled you. :'''Dartz''': Oh. :'''Yami Yugi''': I knew it. Deep down you're a noble ruler, Dartz. :'''Chris''': And a great father! I've missed you so much, Dad. :'''Ironheart''': Your work here is now complete. You may go in place. Great things await you. So return now to your world by stepping through that portal. :'''Yugi''': But what about you? Are you guys gonna be OK? :'''Ironheart''': Yes, For the first time in centuries. :'''Yami Yugi''': Alright, Yugi let's go back home. :''[Pharaoh and Yugi walked toward the portal and looks at Chris, Dartz, Ironheart and Skye and they walked off enter the portal and disappears Chris looks at her father.]'' :'''Chris''': Hey, Dad. We should go too. After all this time, We have a lot of catching up to do. :''[Dartz smiled agreed with his daughter now the Atlantis is going down to the ocean and splashed towards Dartz's lair.]'' :'''Seto Kaiba''': Mokuba! Start the engines! :'''Mokuba Kaiba''': Seto! :'''Seto''': We have to get out of here. :'''Téa Gardner''': Without Yugi? No way. :'''Joey Wheeler''': Eh? :'''Téa''': Don't you know where he is? :'''Joey''': Don't tell me. :'''Téa''': You mean he's still in there!? :'''Mokuba''': Time's running out! :'''Seto''': Mokuba's right. We can't wait. :'''Joey''': Yugi! :'''Tristan Taylor''': Are you nuts man! :'''Joey''': Get your hands off of me Tristan! I’m not leaving here without Yugi! :'''Tristan''': Joey, we have to trust that he found the way out on his own! :'''Joey''': YUGI! :''[the gang hops in the KaibaCorp helicopter and takes off as Dartz's lair is washed down. Inside the helicopter Téa, Rafael, Tristan, Joey, Kaiba and Mokuba.]'' :'''Seto''': Good riddance. :'''Mokuba''': I just hope Yugi wasn't in there. :'''Téa''': Me, too. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the Hospital Rex and Weevil wakes up was that a dream.]'' :'''Weevil Underwood''': Where am i? Mommy? :'''Rex Raptor''': Hey! Who's said that!? :'''Weevil/Rex''': Huh! Oh! :'''Rex''': What are you doing in my bedroom, Weevil!? :'''Weevil''': Your bedroom!? You're in a hospital, You dimwit! :'''Rex''': What happened!? :'''Weevil''': I know who fault this is. :'''Rex''': ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#On the Wrong Track|Joey's]].'' :'''Weevil''': ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#On the Wrong Track|Yugi's]].'' :'''Both''': '''YOU'RE PAY FOR THIS! YOU HEAR ME!?''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alister''': Mikey, I know you're out there somewhere, And I'm not gonna stop looking until I find you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': ''[wakes up]'' I’m home. ''[thinking]'' Was that all a dream? ''[flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fighting for a Friend|Joey and Valon's last duel]]. Flashback ends he gets up the bed and the card fell off he spotted the Harpie Lady card and holds it walked outside the beach house and smiling looked at the sky]'' I'll never forget you. Thanks Mai. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mai driving on her motorcycle at the beach]'' :'''Mai Valentine''': ''[thinking]'' ''I'm glad that mess is over. Now to pick up the pieces.'' ''[In Mai's flashbacks, it shows the beginning of how she entered the Doma organization, when she met [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#An_Unexpected_Enemy|Yugi's friends and running towards Joey]] [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Fighting_for_a_Friend|before he became unconscious]]. Flashbacks ends]'' ''Sorry Joey. But I can't face you yet. So I'm gonna hit the road until I'm ready to own up to everything for what have I've done. But I'll be back.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dark Magician Girl''': ''[voice-over]'' Yugi, Wake up. :'''Yugi''': ''[wakes up and surprised on the beach and sees the sunset on the ocean.]'' Any idea where we are? :'''Yami Yugi''': It seems we've washed up on shore. But I wonder how. Someone must have guided us here. Hmm. :'''Yugi''': Hey, look! ''[sees Dark Magician Girl along with Timaeus, Hermos and Critias appears]'' It's Dark Magician Girl! :'''Yami Yugi''': And she's brought with her the three legendary knights. :'''Dark Magician Girl''': We four are forever in your debt. Not only have you rescued your own world, But you've saved the creatures of our world as well. Thanks to your fearlessness. The dominion of the beasts can once again flourish just as it did so many years ago. And by breaking the evil spell that imprisoned the legendary knights. They can continue to protect our land. :'''Yugi''': I'm just glad we could help. :'''Timaeus''': Thank you both. You fought bravely. Farewell. :'''Critias''': You two will never be forgotten. :'''Hermos''': For as long as we reign. :'''Yami Yugi''': Well, We couldn't have done it without you. In the face of ultimate darkness, Your couragfousness sparked a light so incredibly strong it will burn for all eternity. :'''Timaeus''': Thank you, Pharaoh. We shall meet again. :''[The legendary knights flying off together.]'' :'''Dark Magician Girl''': The time may come that we need each other again. If so, You know where I'll be. Right there in your deck. :''[she flying off with the legendary knights together then inside the KaibaCorp helicopter]'' :'''Téa''': Look, those weird lights are back. :'''Joey''': Well, that explains why? It's Dark Magician Girl and the three legendary knights. :'''Téa''': I guess they’re going home. Now that their world is safe again. :'''Yugi''': ''[sees "The Eye of Timaeus" card disappears]'' Well, Pharaoh there goes our Timaeus. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes Yugi, There goes Timaeus. :'''Joey''': ''[sees "The Claw of Hermos" card disappears]'' Well, there goes Hermos. :'''Kaiba''': ''[sees "The Fang of Critias" card disappears]'' Oh well... No big deal. My deck's still unstoppable. :'''Téa''': I hope Yugi's all right. ''[spots Yugi on the island]'' Look! :'''Mokuba''': Huh? :'''Joey''': Eh? :'''Tristan''': Huh? Hey! It's Yugi! :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh! Over there! They made it out! :'''Yami Yugi''': You're right. :''[KaibaCorp helicopter lands on the beach and the door open]'' :'''Joey''': Yugi! :'''Tea''': I knew we find you. :'''Tristan''': Hey man! :'''Joey''': ''[giggling]'' I'll never let this spikey head of yours is outta my sight. :'''Tea''': Is it really all over? :'''Yugi''': Yep, we're safe now. :'''Mokuba''': ''[next to Seto Kaiba behind Rafael]'' Hey, Yugi! :'''Joey''': Let's hit the high road folks, I'm sure there's someone else trying to taking over the world back home. :'''Tristan''': You know the scary thing is he's probably right. :''[The gang hops the KaibaCorp helicopter when Yugi sees the Pharaoh watches the sunsets down the ocean.]'' :'''Tea''': ''[offscreen]'' Yugi, is something wrong? :'''Yugi''': I'll be right there, Tea. ''[The Pharaoh and Yugi looked at each other as the sun going down the ocean.]'' ''[voice over]'' ''We may have stopped Dartz, but the Pharaoh's not done yet. Now he has to pick up where he left off before all this craziness started 'cause the biggest adventure of all is still ahead. And it won't be over till the pharaoh unlocks the secrets of his past. He needs to learn who he really is and why he was sent back here. Maybe then his spirit'll finally be able to rest. Well, no matter what happens, one thing's for sure... whatever he finds out there... and whatever he needs to face... he won't have to do it alone.'' ==External links== {{wikipedia|Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (season 4)}} {{Yu-Gi-Oh!}} [[Category:Yu-Gi-Oh! seasons|4]] [[Category:Children's television seasons]] d80018vne6z3hwivl2bvr42inpw0g1c 3778976 3778974 2025-07-15T02:02:47Z 2001:8003:DD49:F700:70BE:E456:AB7D:24BF /* Reliving the Past [4.20] */ 3778976 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''Seasons''': [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 1)|1]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 2)|2]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 3)|3 Enter the Shadow Realm]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)|4 Waking the Dragons]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 5)|5 Grand Championship and Dawn of the Duel]] | '''Movies''': [[Yu-Gi-Oh! The Movie: Pyramid of Light]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Dark Side of Dimensions|The Dark Side of Dimensions]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh!: Bonds Beyond Time|Bonds Beyond Time]] | [[Yu-Gi-Oh!|Main]] ---------------- The following is a list of quotes from the fourth season of '''''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'''''. ==Waking the Dragons Arc== ===''A New Evil'' [4.01-02]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Rex Raptor''': Ever hear of stepping aside?! :'''Weevil Underwood''': Yeah! What's your problem? :'''Gurimo''': The problem should be yours when I strip you two fools of your souls. :'''Rex Raptor''': Does the Grim Reaper know you've raided his wardrobe? :'''Gurimo''': ''[his eyes glow green, explaining the Orichalcos]'' ''Quod valedico vestrum animus.'' :'''Rex Raptor''': Say what?! :'''Weevil Underwood''': I-I think you just got him mad! :'''Gurimo''': Rise on your feet and Duel! ''[activates his Chaos Duel Disk and Weevil and Rex scream in terror off-screen]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Great deities of domination, I call upon thee. Use the pharaoh's force to penetrate the dominion of the beasts and liberate the fury of 10,000 years. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gurimo''': Your fate is now sealed. ====Part 2==== :'''Alister''': Looks like someone needs a rest. :'''Valon''': The boss warned us that the Egyptian God Cards and the magic of the Orichalcos might not mix so well, didn't he? :'''Alister''': I think that geezer's just getting too old for this. :'''Rafael''': Well, that's why we made him Duel first, right? To test the Pharaoh's strength. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Now why does all these weird stuff always happen to us? ''[Yugi is silent]'' You've gotta admit, it's true. :''[Rebecca runs up to meet Yugi]'' :'''Rebecca''': Yugi! ''[Hugs Yugi]'' :'''Yugi''': ''[Very surprised]'' Uh, hey....you! :'''Rebecca''': Oh no, don't tell me you forgot about me already! :'''Tristan''': Yet another weird event to add to the list. :'''Joey''': And this one tops them all. :'''Tristan''': It's probably best if we don't interfere! :'''Tea''': ''[Leaning towards Yugi]'' Do you know this person, Yugi? :'''Yugi''': Um, I don't think so. :'''Rebecca''': Maybe this will refresh your memory! ''[Holds up a card]'' :'''Yugi''': ''[After flashback]'' Ah, Rebecca! :'''Joey''': It's that brat! :'''Rebecca''': Hi! ''[Big smile; waves her hand]'' :'''Joey''': Wait, she looks different. Did she get a haircut or something? :'''Tristan''': No dude, she traded her teddy bear for glasses. :'''Rebecca''': ''[Hugs Yugi]'' I don't need a bear... now that I've got a boyfriend to protect me! :'''Tea''': Um, excuse me? A boyfriend!? :'''Rebecca''': ''[Another hug]'' My grandpa is also really excited to see you Yugi! :'''Yugi''': Professor Hawkins? :'''Rebecca''': Yeah, he's waiting at the Museum. :'''Tea''': Grrr... ''[Anime vein throb]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arthur''': Remarkable, Isn't it? :'''Solomon''': That's my boy. :'''Yugi''': Hey, guys! :'''Arthur''': Yugi Muto. You're just the person I need to see. I have a theory that all of these monster sightings have something to do with you. :'''Yugi''': Huh. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': Here we are, gang, Home, sweet home. :'''Rafael''': Wait til the boss hears we found the Pharaoh. ===''Legend of the Dragons'' [4.03]=== :'''Rafael''': We located the Pharaoh, Master. Unfortunately, we weren't able to capture his soul. :'''Dartz''': I didn't expect you to defeat him this soon. We've just begun. :'''Rafael''': But you know me, Master. I never come back empty handed. ''[walks forward with a small wooden box, and opens it to reveal the three Egyptian God Cards inside]'' :'''Dartz''': Excellent, the Egyptian Gods. ''[reaches out and takes the three cards in his hand]'' At long last. I've waited an eternity to hold their power in my hands. ''[the cards begin glowing]'' I finally possess the supreme force necessary to awaken the Great Beast! ''[walks to the altar at the far end of the temple]'' Soon we shall rid the Earth of mankind, and rebuild civilization as it once was! ''[places the Egyptian God Cards in the mouths of three huge stone serpents, with Ra in the middle, Slifer on the right and Obelisk on the left]'' Serpents of the Orichalcos, please hear my call! ''[raises his hands in worship]'' I offer thee the Gods of Egypt! Use their divine might to unlock the sacred chamber of the Great Beast! Awaken him from his ancient slumber by accepting my offering! :''[Dartz laughs evilly as the three cards emanate a powerful beam of energy, which then shoots up past the temple roof and into the sky, culminating in an explosion of white light which clears to reveal an array of multicoloured lights floating in the sky]'' :'''Dartz''': The time has arrived, my friends. Finally, after ten thousand years, the Great Leviathan shall rise again! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dark Magician Girl''': We’ve only just begun. The great beast is still weak so he retreated for the moment. And for that my companions and I are truly my Pharaoh. But many of us remain prisoners on the other side. :'''Yugi''': What’s next? :'''Dark Magician Girl''': The great beast will return again… and his power will grow! He must be stopped before he is fully restored! Time is running out! ===''The Creator Returns'' [4.04]=== :'''Dartz''': Rafael! :'''Rafael''': Yes, Master Dartz. ''[kneels before Dartz]'' I know what to do. I'll find the Pharaoh. And this time, I'll make sure we drain his power to feed the Great Beast, sir. :'''Dartz''': Why don't you try listening? It's really a wonderful skill. ''[turns around]'' And when you master it, you'll realise that we need more than just the Pharaoh's soul! :'''Alister''': Then we'll deal with the others too. I'll take Kaiba. :'''Valon''': I got my eye on someone too. That feisty little bloke Joey Wheeler. ''[laughs]'' He should be fun to take apart. :'''Alister''': I know why you're after Wheeler. :'''Valon''': Mind your own business, Alister! What about you? Why the sudden interest in Kaiba? :'''Alister''': Look, I have my reasons, Valon. :'''Valon''': Really?! :'''Rafael''': Knock it off! We're in the presence of Master Dartz! :'''Dartz''': The Pharaoh and his friends are on his way to speak with the one we've been watching. Just make certain that you reach him before they do. :'''Rafael''': Pegasus? :'''Dartz''': And to think, I called you a bad listener. Now go see Pegasus at once! :''[Alister and Valon join Rafael in kneeling before Dartz]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': I can’t believe the very monsters I made famous and now terrorising people around the world. Oh. Talk about bad publicity. :'''Mai Valentine''': Do you always talk to yourself like that? :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': ''[turns looks at the window shelf a strange figure is Mai Valentine]'' Huh? :'''Mai Valentine''': You got to get yourself some friends, honey. :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': But how did you get past my security? :'''Mai Valentine''': I guess your office isn’t as secure as you think it is, money bags. :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': I know you, you’re Mai Valentine. Tell me, why did you come here? :'''Mai Valentine''': Good question. I came here to duel you. And to take your soul. :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': '''NO!''' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Yugi and his friends at the airport]'' :'''Yugi''': I'll see you soon, Grandpa. :'''Solomon''': Take care, Yugi. And don't forget to keep your seats upright during takeoff. And don't fill up on peanuts. :'''Yugi''': Sure, bye, Grandpa. :'''Tea Gardner''': Well, we're off. :'''Joey Wheeler''': Thanks for the ride. :'''Solomon''': You kids be careful, now! :''[Weevil and Rex are sneaking to followed Yugi and his friends to hiding in the bag.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pegasus''': Kaiba boy! I missed you! ===''Deja Duel!'' [4.05-06]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Mokuba''': Seto, We're approaching Duelist Kingdom. :'''Seto''': I'll try to make this quick. The less time I spend here, the better. :'''Mokuba''': Me, too. This place has nothing but bad memories. :'''Seto''': Initiate the landing sequence now. :'''Mokuba''': You got it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pegasus''': I just haven't been myself lately. in fact... ''[in Alister's voice]'' I mean that quite literally. :'''Mokuba''': What's going on? :'''Alister''': Surprise! ''[chuckling]'' :''[he rips himself off, revealing Alister]'' :'''Alister''': I've waited for this day for a long time, Kaiba-boy. :'''Seto''': You're gonna pay for tricking me like that! :'''Alister''': ''[as Pegasus' voice]'' Pretty good imitation, right? :'''Seto''': Identify yourself. :'''Alister''': ''[normal voice]'' Alister's the name, Kaiba boy! Now let's duel! ''[activates his chaos duel disk and draws a card]'' Hm. ''[holds up "The Seal of Orichalcos" card]'' This magic card is about to change everything. Activating the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Seto''': What's that? :'''Mokuba''': This is nuts! :'''Seto''': Explain yourself now! :'''Alister''': Oh, as if you're gonna believe me? :'''Seto''': Try me. :'''Alister''': We're trapped in here till the duel's over. Then once I crush you, I'll be able to get out. Hmm. Of course, you on the other hand won't be quite as lucky as myself Kaiba boy. :'''Seto''': What do you mean? :'''Alister''': When you lose, your soul will be locked away for all eternity... But this time, you won't be set free! :''[To Be Continued...]'' ====Part 2==== :'''Alister''': Let's get on with this. I summon Gorlag in attack mode! And here's a little bonus. :'''Seto''': Your monster just got stronger! But how?! :'''Alister''': Remember the Seal of Orichalcos? As long as it stays active on the field, every one of my monsters gets 500 attack point boost. :'''Seto''': What?! :'''Alister''': You heard me. Plus, my Gorlag gets another 500 points for every fire monster on the field. :'''Seto''': There are none! :'''Alister''': Oh, no? What do you think my Gorlag's made of? Ready, Gorlag? Attack his Versago the Destroyer, now! ''[Gorlag attacks Seto's monster and it reappears on his side of the field]'' :'''Seto''': ''[thinking]'' What's that?! :'''Alister''': Did I forget to mention my Gorlag's ''other'' special ability? Every time he destroys one of my opponent's monsters, that very same monster reappears on ''my'' side of the field-- only this time, it becomes a creature of fire! And you remember what happens when a creature of fire is on the field, right? My Gorlag gets even stronger! It's over for you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alister''': It used to be my brother's! But I'll never see him again… 'cause your father took him away from me! <hr width="50%"/> ===''An Unexpected Enemy'' [4.07]=== :'''Rafael''': Someone out there likes to crash parties. Let's find out who. ''[drives off]'' :'''Valon''': I already know. And I know just where she's going too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Don't we get a "hi"? What's with the silent treatment, Mai. :'''Mai''': I'm not Mai. at least not the Mai you knew. :'''Joey''': What? :'''Mai''': You heard me. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#The Creator Returns (E.4)|she and Pegasus' duel at Industrial Illusions]], flashback ends.]'' Alright, gang. ''[holds up the card is Maximillion Pegasus' soul is captured by the Seal of Orichalcos]'' Say hello to Pegasus. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[shocked]'' What? :'''Tristan''': Whoa... Is that really him? :'''Téa''': Ah... Question: Did you do that to him? :'''Joey''': Look! You better start talking! :'''Valon''': ''[offscreen]'' or else what!? :'''Joey''': Huh? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Joey, Yami Yugi, Téa and Tristan spots at Valon and Rafael on top]'' :'''Valon''': What's the matter, Wheeler, did your little reunion with Mai not go as well as you expected it to do? ''[to Mai]'' And you! Why are you keeping these guys all for yourself, Mai? Why don't you show some manners and share the fun with us? :'''Mai''': Mind your own business, you lackey. These geeks are mine, so deal with it. :'''Joey''': Geeks!? But we're your friends, Mai. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_3)#One_for_the_Road|Joey and Mai after the battle city finals]]]'' Please, Mai! Tell me this is all a joke! You're on ''our'' side, remember?! :'''Tristan''': Great. Mai totally sold ''us'' out! :'''Téa''': No! Mai would never do that! Tell him. You're still ''our'' friend, right? :'''Yami Yugi''': Time to explain yourself. :'''Mai''': I was never a ''part'' of your little playgroup. And now I'm gonna break you apart one-by-one. ''[activates her chaos duel disk]'' And Wheeler… I'm starting with you! :'''Joey''': Fine! :'''Mai''': It's payback time, and it all starts, now! And to think, I was once pathetic enough to call you my friend. But now I know the truth! You were holding me back from achieving true power! So say hello to my real friend… THE SEAL OF ORICHALCOS! This card's done for me than you losers ever could! ''[activates the card, trapping Joey and herself in it]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': No! Not this! :'''Mai''': ''[chuckles sinisterly]'' If you're scared now, just wait till you lose. :'''Joey''': Wake up, Mai! This thing's nothing but bad news! It's messing up your head, big time! Don't you remember everything we've been through together? Just ditch that freaky card, and things can be the way they use to be! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': It's exactly as I feared. The Orichalcos controls her! This duel must end. :'''Téa''': Otherwise, she's gonna do the same thing to Joey that she did to Pegasus! ===''My Freaky Valentine'' [4.08-10]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Mai''': What are you waiting for, Wheeler? :'''Joey''': I'm waiting for you to come to your senses! :'''Tristan''': She's lost it. How can she side with the enemy?! :'''Téa''': It's all because of that Orichalcos thing! :'''Yami-Yugi''': Now, one of them will lose their soul. :'''Téa''': No, you can't do this! Don't you see you're letting that magic card control you, Mai! You're putting your own life in danger! :'''Yugi''': They can't go through with this! We've got to do something! :'''Yami-Yugi''': But the Puzzle is powerless against that seal. :'''Valon''': Ey, Pharaoh! Quit mumblin' to yourself down there, will ya? In case you didn't realize this last time, nothing can break the Seal of Orichalcos! Once it appears, it doesn't disappear until a soul's been captured! :'''Rafael''': And don't think you're off the hook, Pharaoh. As soon as the girl takes your friend's soul, I'm takin' ''yours''. :'''Mai''': Get back in your cage, gorilla boy! When I'm done with Wheeler… Yugi belongs to ''me!'' :'''Yami-Yugi''': But why? :'''Téa''': ''She's'' nuts! :'''Rafael''': I never liked her. No respect. Any more lip from Mai and she's next. :'''Valon''': Aw, give the girl a break, will ya? She's still new at all this, mate. Plus, she's kinda cute when she gets mad, don't ya think? :'''Rafael''': Uh, no. :'''Mai''': When are you gonna make your move, hotshot? This year would be nice. :'''Joey''': What did I say?! ''I'm'' not gonna duel ''against'' you, Mai! :'''Mai''': Afraid you're not good enough? Afraid you're gonna lose like you did in Battle City?! I shoulda known you'd back down! :'''Joey''': Actually, I'm afraid I'm gonna win. 'Cause if I do… You're gonna pay for it by givin' up your soul! :'''Mai''': I have no soul! :'''Téa''': ''[shocked by what she said]'' You hear that?! :''[Valon whistles]'' :'''Mai''': I told you, the Mai you knew is gone! I traded in her soul for power! The old Mai was too lonely and pathetic. The girl was just holding me back. So I did what I had to! I sent her packing! Now, my weak side's gone for good! :'''Joey''': Well, I happen to have liked the old Mai and I'm gonna get her back! :'''Mai''': I'd like to see you try! :''[Joey activated his duel disk]'' :'''Tristan''': He's gonna go through with this?! :'''Téa''': Be careful, Joey! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mai activates her Nightmare Tri-Mirror trap card to transform the reflection of Joey's Scapegoats into four more Harpie Ladies, thus giving her a total of six Harpies]'' :'''Tristan''': Wait just a second, she can't have six monsters in play! :'''Yami-Yugi''': Remember, Tristan, thanks to the Seal of Orichalcos, Mai is allowed to have up to ''ten'' monsters on the field at once. :'''Tristan''': D'oh! Stupid magic thing! :'''Mai''': Now this is what I call, "girl power!" You're up against six Haripe Ladies all enhanced with the power of my magic card! I place one card facedown on the field. It was nice knowin' ya! I've got six Harpie Ladies and one big magic circle, and we all agree you're in over your head, Wheeler. Lucky for you, it's your move or I'd finish you off right now. So what's it gonna be? :'''Tristan''': There's nothing he can do! Mai backed Joey into a corner and now he's stuck there! :'''Yugi''': Tristan's got a point. If Joey doesn't do something quick, Mai is gonna win the duel! :'''Yami-Yugi''': That's true. And as long as the Seal of Orichalcos is on the field, Mai has all sorts of advantages. It even seems as though there are certain magic and trap cards that only she is allowed to use. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': I summon Panther Warrior in attack mode! Now, I sacrifice one scapegoat so my panther can attack! :'''Mai''': I reveal my facedown card! Harpie Lady Sparrow Formation! :'''Joey''': What?! :'''Mai''': My Harpie Ladies have all joined forces to repel your attack! :'''Tristan''': Mai didn't have that card back in Battle City. :'''Téa''': You're right. :'''Yami-Yugi''': It seems as though she's gone through more than a few changes since the last time we saw her-- including a stronger deck! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Look, Mai... I don't know what kind of spell these guys put on ya but you gotta wake up! Otherwise we're both gonna be in pretty big trouble! :'''Mai''': What spell!? No one's controlling me! ''[looks up on Valon and Rafael]'' Those two lackeys up there couldn't control my left pinky. ''I'' was sick of my life... So I ''chose'' to change it! :''[Téa, Tristan and the Pharaoh gasps and horrifying]'' :'''Joey''': ''[shocked]'' No way! :'''Téa''': How could you!? :'''Mai''': You guys wouldn't understand. You've never been an outsider like me... All alone. Duel monsters is all I have. And after [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 3)|the Battle City tournament]], I set out to become the best. I duel against chump after chump to improve my dueling skills. I needed to make a name for myself. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': I stopped whining like a loser and started taking control! Now nothing can stop me! :'''Joey''': I never knew you felt that way. Why didn't you tell us you were so unhappy? We could've helped you, Mai! :'''Mai''': SAVE IT! I don't need your kind of help! All I need now is power! And I'm about to unleash all of it on ''you!'' ''[draws]'' I play Harpie Lady Phoenix Formation! Since I have six Harpies on the field, it lets me destroy up to six of your monsters! :'''Tristan''': Hold on! Joey's only got three left! :'''Téa''': That means once Mai's Harpie Ladies attack, he'll be defenseless! :'''Yami-Yugi''': That's not all. Mai's magic card will also subtract the sum of Joey's monsters' attack points from ''his'' Life Points. :'''Mai''': Now, Harpie Ladies… unite and destroy every one of his monsters! Say goodbye to your three monsters, Wheeler! Someone is one attack away from losing their soul and I don't think it's me, sweetheart. Any last requests? :'''Tristan''': Mai's got 4000 points! She hasn't even lost one! And Joey's down to his last 200! Not to mention the fact that he's out of monsters! :'''Téa''': If he doesn't think of something right now, he's gonna lose the duel! ====Part 2==== :'''Yugi''': There is a way for Joey to end this duel without someone getting hurt, isn't there? :'''Yami-Yugi''': Yes, but it won't be easy. The Seal of Orichalcos is powerful. However, it does have limitations. It can only capture a soul when a duelist loses, and there it lies the secret to escaping its wrath. :'''Yugi''': I don't get it. :'''Yami-Yugi''': Let's hope Joey does. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': ''[spots at Weevil and Rex outside]'' It's a regalia party, What are you guys doing here? :'''Weevil''': It's that magic circle! :'''Rex''': Yeah! The same one we were trapped in! :'''Mai''': I sacrifice my two Harpies! That allows me to summon Harpie's Pet Dragon! And thanks to the Seal of Orichalcos, it gets 500 more points! Plus, it gets another 300 points for every Harpie I have on the field! :'''Yami-Yugi''': Now it has 3,400 points! :'''Mai''': It's been nice knowing ya, Wheeler! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Joey picked his own trap card in the middle, canceling Mai's attack]'' :'''Joey''': YEAH! Bingo, baby! :'''Tristan''': I knew he could do it! :'''Téa''': You go! :'''Weevil''': Now that's luck. :'''Rex''': Yeah, next time I play Bingo, I'm bringin' him! :'''Valon''': Well, there goes your theory. :'''Joey''': Looks like your last attack didn't work. So I'm still in the game! :'''Mai''': For now, maybe. :'''Téa''': That's cool. At least Joey bought himself a little time. :'''Yami-Yugi''': Yes, but it did come with a price, Téa. :'''Mai''': Impressive. But your little maneuver helped me out, too. :'''Joey''': Yeah, I know. Now you get to put the two cards you picked at the top of your deck. :'''Téa''': Oh, no! Now she can use those two cards again! :'''Yami-Yugi''': Harpie Lady Phoenix Formation and Harpie Sparrow Formation. Those are two of Mai's most powerful cards! :'''Mai''': You may have stopped my attack but my turn's not over. Next, I'll move one of my Harpie Ladies to my rear defense. And then, I'll place two cards facedown and end my turn. :'''Joey''': ''[thinking]'' I've got one more shot to do this, but I'm all out of ideas! ====Part 3==== :'''Rafael''': Valon, what are you doing!? :'''Valon''': With this fragment of the Orichalcos stone… I unlock the seal! :'''Rafael''': No! ''[jumps down]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami-Yugi''': Joey, are you alright. Joey! :'''Tristan''': Oh man. :'''Téa''': Why did he do that? :'''Rafael''': What were you thinking, Valon? You betrayed Master Dartz and risked your own soul! And you mean to tell me you did all that so you just saved some girl, Valon. :'''Valon''': She's not just some ''girl'', Rafael! :'''Rafael''': Would ''you'' listen to yourself, Valon!? ''[growls]'' I'll make up for this… By taken ''your'' soul, Pharaoh. The power around my neck puts your Puzzle to shame. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami-Yugi''': Joey! :'''Tristan''': You're okay, man! :'''Téa''': Joey! :'''Tristan''': Don't give up on us now. :'''Téa''': Joey. :'''Joey''': Where's Mai? Did those punks take her? :'''Téa''': I guess so. :'''Tristan''': Yeah. She gone. :'''Joey''': ''[gasps]'' Oh no, I was so close. ''[groans]'' I'LL GET YOU BACK, MAI! ===''The Challenge'' [4.11]=== :'''Seto Kaiba''': No way! My mind must be playing tricks on me! :'''Joey Wheeler''': I doubt that. My card seens to be doing the same thing, Kaiba! :'''Yami Yugi''': It feels as though these three dragons are calling out to us. :'''All''': Uhh! :'''Yami Yugi''': I was told that fate had chosen three modern-day warriors to release these legendary beasts. :'''Kaiba''': Chosen by fate? Get real. I'm the one who decides my fate, Yugi! Not some fairy tale about mythical dragons and giant man-eating monsters. :'''Yami Yugi''': Be reasonable for once! The world needs us! We do this as a team! :'''Kaiba''': Sorry... I don't do the teamwork thing. :'''Yami Yugi''': Listen! :'''Kaiba''': You geeks have wasted enough of my time already. I have a multi-million dollar company to run. Playtime's over. :'''Yami Yugi''': Kaiba! :'''Mokuba''': Seto.... wait up! :'''Joey''': We don't need him weighing us down anyway. With good old Hermos over here those hoodlums won't stand a chance. :'''Tristan''': Someone's back to their old self again. About time. :'''Joey''': It took me a while, but I realized being bummed out about Mai's not gonna bring her back. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': ''[angrily]'' What were ''you'' thinking?! I was just about to finish off Wheeler, and then you had butt in and ruin everything! :'''Rafael''': You're a real piece a work. He saved your soul, and this is how you repay him? :'''Mai''': Who asked to be saved?! Maybe next time, He'll learn to butt out! :'''Rafael''': Next time... We'll just let you lose. :'''Valon''': That's enough, mate, I'm fine! :'''Mai''': Yeah, Clam up, or you'll end up just like your friend here. :'''Rafael''': ''[stands up]'' ''You'' have no idea the danger you were in. :'''Mai''': Huh? :'''Rafael''': Do you remember that Hermos card Wheeler played? It's an ancient dragon that can only be controlled by a chosen duelist. :'''Mai''': Ha! Yeah, ''he'' was chosen all right! Chosen to have that scrawny butt of his kicked by a real duelist! Humph. ''[hops on Valon's motorcycle]'' Later, losers! ''[droves off]'' :'''Valon''': Hey, wait! That's mine! ''[coughs]'' :'''Mai''': ''[thinking]'' ''You'' won't escape me this time, Wheeler. :'''Valon''': I can't let Mai get hurt. I gotta stop her. :'''Rafael''': Forget about her, Valon. Let's focus on the Pharaoh. :'''Valon''': But Master Dartz said to wait. :'''Rafael''': Yeah, Well, Master Dartz doesn't always know what's best. I should take the strongest soul first. Once I get him out of the way, The others will fall right into my hands, one by one. :'''Valon''': But how do you know the Pharaoh will duel? :'''Rafael''': Because my plan is already in place. It's only a matter of time. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': A duel monster's card? ''[spots a note from Rafael and gasps]'' GRANDPA! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': You sure this is the place? :'''Yugi''': Professor Hawkins! Rebecca! :'''Rebecca''': Yugi. :'''Yugi''': Rebecca. What happened here? :'''Rebecca''': ''[in tears]'' Yugi… they tooked him. ''[starts to cries]'' My poor Grandpa! ''[sobbing]'' It’s not fair! He didn’t hurt anyone! :'''Yugi''': We’re gonna find him… I promise. :'''Rebecca''': Thank you. Who would do something like this?! <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi''': Oh, no! How far away is [[w:Death Valley|Death Valley]]? :'''Rebecca''': Well if we use Duke's car, it shouldn’t take us more than an hour or so. :'''Yugi''': Sorry, Rebecca… But I have to go alone. :'''Rebecca''': Why? :'''Yugi''': I’ve put you and your family in enough danger already. :'''Rebecca''': Uh-uh. Don’t be silly, Yugi. None of this is your fault at all. :'''Yugi''': Thanks, Rebecca. But It’s me they want, and you’ll be much safer here. And please, don’t tell Joey, Tristan, Téa and the other guys where I’m about to go, OK? :'''Rebecca''': But why? :'''Yugi''': I don’t want them to follow me there. :'''Weevil''': Interesting. :'''Rex and Weevil''': ''[looks at each other]'' Hmm? <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi''': Ready, Copernicus. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arthur''': Rebecca, Where's Yugi? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': We’ll keep an eye out on Rex and Weevil, I don’t trust those two. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Weevil''': We can't miss the showdown between Yugi and those guys. I have to find out how they made Mai into such a strong duelist. :'''Rex''': Can't we take a quick snack break? :''[Weevil and Rex spots Yami Yugi riding on Copernicus]'' :'''Weevil''': It's Yugi, he's getting ahead! :'''Rex''': No put the pedal to the metal! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': ''[looks after her grandfather was asleep and holds Ties of Friendship card what Yugi gives her]'' Be careful, Yugi. Please. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': I'm ready for you, Pharaoh. Thanks to my deck... and the power it holds. ===''Fate of the Pharaoh'' [4.12-14]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Rafael''': Very impressive, cowboy, But You'll need more than a few rodeo tricks to get yourself outta this. ''[Pharaoh crossing the bridge]'' You see, While my associates are satisfied with stealing the souls of your friends, I'm not. :'''Yami Yugi''': I did my part. Now you release the Professor Arthur Hawkins as you promised. :'''Rafael''': He's already been set free, but since you've come all this way, you might as well stay awhile. ''[?]'' So you're gonna stick around, right? 'Cause like I said before, Pharaoh, your friends aren't good enough. I need to capture the soul of the pharaoh himself so I can save the world. :'''Yami Yugi''': Save the world? Don't you see that what you're doing is going to ''destroy'' the world? or are you so insane that you can't tell the difference? :'''Rafael''': I'm just fine. It's you who's blind to what's going on. You're fighting on the wrong side. :'''Yami Yugi''': Explain yourself. :'''Rafael''': This world's a dark and lonely place to live. It's been poisoned by mankind. All I'm trying to do is fix what's been ruined by people like you, and I'll do it by locking your spirit away for good. :'''Yami Yugi''': Who do you think you are? :'''Rafael''': Look, The name's Rafael, and I called you here to duel, not shoot the breeze. I've waited for this moment long enough and I have no intention of putting our fight off for another minute, so let's go. :'''Yami Yugi''': You've given me no choice. But know this, in the end righteousness will prevail and justice shall be served. ''[activates his KC mass production duel disk]'' :'''Rafael''': That's just what I'm hoping for. ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' :'''Pharaoh and Rafael''': Let's duel! ''[their life points to 4000]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rex Raptor''': Hey Weevil, Check it out. :'''Weevil Underwood''': Yugi started dueling already. ====Part 2==== :'''Rafael''': Well, for starters, He's a better leader than you were. That's right Pharaoh. My master told me all about your history as the king of Eqypt; How you ruled as an evil dictator using the power of the shadow realm to control your subjects. :'''Yami Yugi''': Wake up. ''He'' lied. :'''Rafael''': How would you know? You have no memory of your past. So isn't it possible that you're responsible for the destruction of Egypt?! Think about it! :'''Yami Yugi''': It can't be. I know I was a worthy pharaoh. I'm the one who locked the dark magic away! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh, no! :'''Yami Yugi''': Let go! :'''Yugi''': No! You don't know what you're doing! :'''Yami Yugi''': Let go! :'''Yugi''': Listen to me! This card is affecting your mind! :'''Yami Yugi''': We're going to lose the duel! Can't you see?! Trust me! It's the only way, Yugi! We must do this! Now let me go! :'''Yugi''': Please don't play that card! :'''Yami Yugi''': Now I activate the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Rafael''': ''[thinking]'' ''Excellent''. :''[The Pharaoh activates the card]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''What have I done?'' :'''Yugi''': No! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Do you guys see what I see!? :'''Tristan''': Is that light what I think it is!? :'''Joey''': The Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Rafael''': Nice work, Pharaoh. I knew you had it in you. Now, let's see what the Orichalcos reveals about you. Are you good or are you evil? So, tell me. How do ya feel? ''[laughing]'' :''[To Be Continued...]'' ====Part 3==== :'''Yami Yugi''': What have you done to my dragon!? :'''Rafael''': It's not what I've done.... It's what ''you've'' done by playing that magic card. Guess I should warned ya. Timaeus and the Orichalcos don't mix. But at least your dark side's been set free. :'''Yami Yugi''': What have I unleashed? ''[screaming]'' You were a fool to hand me this card! For when you lose, you soul will be for all eternity where it belongs! Now I activate Hand Control! All I need to do is correctly guess the name of a card in your hand and I can activate it! And since I gave you the necromancy card, I know you're holding it! Now it's mine! Ha! Necromancy allows me to bring four monsters back from my graveyard! So return to me Big Shield Gardna... Berfomet... Gazelle the king of mythical beasts... and Kuribabylon! Next I'll sacrifice Gazelle and Berfomet so I can summon my Dark Magician! Then I'll separate my Kuribabylon into the five Kuriboh brothers I used to create it! Now my monsters, feel the power of the orichalcos! <hr width50%> :'''Yugi''': Hey, where am I? The Seal of Oricahlcos! No! ''He'' played it! What have you done, Pharaoh? <hr width50%> :'''Joey''': YUGI! :'''Tristan''': No way, dude! :'''Joey''': What's going on? Why's that oricahlcos thingy on Yugi's forehead. :''[Joey, Tristan and Duke jumped in next Weevil and Rex.]'' :'''Rex''': You guys just missed the best part. :'''Duke''': Yeah? Then why don't you two fill us in. :'''Tristan''': I don't trust these twerps as far as I can throw 'em. :'''Joey''': Hey! ''[grubs Weevil]'' My best buddy's got that freaky ding on his head and I want answers now! :'''Weevil''': Why don't you take your paws off of me and try asking nicely! :'''Joey''': Wrong answer. Now it's go time! :'''Weevil''': Don't hurt me, Don't hurt me... :'''Rex''': It's the Seal of Oricahlcos! :'''Weevil''': ...Don't hurt me, Don't hurt me... :'''Rex''': Yugi got it from that big muscle guy and then activated it! :'''Weevil''': ...Don't hurt me, Don't hurt me. :''[Joey lets go off Weevil and he, Tristan and Duke gasps sees Yami Yugi faces Rafael and he using that evil spell card in horrified and Weevil panting.]'' :'''Joey''': Yugi ''wouldn't'' do that! He knows that card is ''evil!'' :''[The Pharaoh growls as the Orichalcos appears on his forehead]'' <hr width50%> :'''Weevil''': Alright, guys, If Yugi loses I call dibs on his Dark Magician. :'''Rex''': That's not cool. Why don't you show some compassion for a change... and let me take his Dark Magician. :'''Joey''': Watch it! <hr width50%> :'''Joey''': That doesn't sound like to Yugi I know. Come on pal... Snap out of it! <hr width50%> :''[In the far corners of Yugi's subconscious mind]'' :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh, NO! The Seal of Orichalcos is in play! So the monsters on the field are real! Please don't sacrifice the Dark Magician Girl! <hr width50%> :'''Tristan''': Earth to Joey, are you there, man? :'''Joey''': I'm here, but Yug's not. he's brainwashed! :'''Tristan''': Say what?! :''[Duke gasps]'' :'''Joey''': He's sacrificing his monsters left and right and talking about "power." That's not Yugi's style a duelin' at all! That oricahlcos ding is messin' with his head! Just like it did to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|Mai!]] :''[In the far corners of Yugi's subconscious mind]'' :'''Yugi''': ''[in tears]'' How could ''he'' do this? That card is evil. I warned him. <hr width50%> :'''Rafael''': You let your rage take over. Now look into the eyes of your monsters! :'''Yami Yugi''': Please forgive me for what I've done to you! <hr width50%> :'''Rafael''': Guardian Eatos, destroy his monsters and the rest of his life points! <hr width50%> :'''Yami Yugi''': '''NO!''' :'''Rex''': No way! Yugi actually lost! :'''Duke''': This can't be! :'''Tristan''': Oh man! :'''Joey''': Yugi! :''[In the far corners of Yugi's subconscious mind]'' :'''Yugi''': If he lost the duel. Then he'll loses his soul! :'''Rafael''': ''[laughing]'' Time for you to pay up, Pharaoh. The Seal of Oricahlcos never leaves the field without taking something along for the ride. And this time it's you, and you have yourself to blame 'cause you sealed your own fate when you played that card. Now your life-force will awaken the Great Beast. :''[In the far corners of Yugi's subconscious mind]'' :'''Yugi''': Not if I can help! With all the power of the Millennium Puzzle, I break the Seal! <hr width50%> :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh, I won't let his happen to you! :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi, no! What are you doing here!? :'''Yugi''': It only needs one of us. So I'm letting the Seal take ME instead. :'''Yami Yugi''': NO! YUGI! <hr width50%> :'''Rafael''': Adios, Your Highness. :''[The Pharaoh collapses]'' :'''Joey''': Hey! You alright pal!? :'''Weevil''': I doubt it. :'''Rex''': Yeah Ditto. :'''Duke''': This is nuts. :'''Tristan''': Come on, pal. :'''Joey''': Yugi, Get up! Please, Yug! :'''Rafael''': You won't be needing these anymore. <hr width50%> :'''Weevil''': Ha! Hey, Rex. :'''Rex''': I know exactly what you're thinking. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Pharaoh wakes up]'' :'''Tristan''': He's awake! :'''Joey''': I knew you outsmart that big goon. So How'd ya Yug, How did you escape. ''[sees the Pharaoh crying]'' Everything alright pal? :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[in tears]'' No, Joey. It's far from alright. I didn't outsmart him. He succeeded. Yugi's gone. :'''Joey/Tristan/Duke''': Whoa! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Great Leviathan, Please accept my latest offering. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': I don't get it. How can you be talkin' to us if ''he'' took your soul? :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[in tears]'' Not mine! Yugi's! IT'S ALL MY FAULT! YUGI, COME BACK! IT SHOULD'VE BEEN ME, NOT HIM! IT'S NOT FAIR! ===''Trial by Stone'' [4.15]=== :''[Rex and Weevil followed Rafael on the helicopter]'' :'''Rex''': He's getting away! We have to get our hands on one of those orichalcos magic cards. Just a little more! :'''Rex and Weevil''': ''[screaming]'' :'''Rex''': This is all your fault! Help! Mommy, I'm falling! :'''Rafael''': Oh, great. :'''Rex and Weevil''': Huh?! phew. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tea''': How'd it go? Is everything OK? :'''Joey''': Not quite. We got a problem guys. :'''Tea''': What do you mean? :'''Duke''': Yugi didn't win. :'''Tristan''': He's gone. :'''Tea''': Wha- :'''Tristan''': You heard me. Yugi got beat, Tea! :'''Tea''': You're wrong! If Yugi really lost that duel, those creeps would have taken his soul with their freaky magic card, Tristan! :'''Joey''': So what's your point, Tea? :'''Tea''': My point!? If he's lost how can he be standing right... ''[gasps and turns around looks at the Pharaoh]'' behind me? Oh no. :'''Rebecca''': Yugi, talk to me. What's wrong!? Why are you acting so strange!? :'''Yami Yugi''': Rebecca, they got him. :'''Rebecca''': Got who? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi. ''[Flashes back to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|their last duel as the Seal took Yugi instead]].]'' I know. This whole thing's my fault. I'm the one who unleashed the magic that took Yugi away. :'''Rebecca''': You knew that card was evil and you still played it!? If you really were a brave pharaoh, you would never have done something like that to poor, little Yugi! :'''Tea''': Now hold on. :'''Rebecca''': Oh, Tea! ''[sobbing]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm afraid Rebecca's right. :'''Tea''': Huh? :'''Joey''': What's done is done. :'''Yami Yugi''': I let everyone down. Especially Yugi. He warned me not to play the Seal of Oricalcos card, but my rage took control. ''[Flashes back to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|their first duel, the Pharaoh activated The Seal of Oricalcos card]].]'' He paid for my mistake. :'''Joey''': You got to ''snap'' outta this! :'''Yami Yugi''': He's gone, and it's all my fault. :'''Joey''': Get a grip, man! :'''Téa''': Joey! :'''Joey''': If we're gonna rescue Yugi, We gotta move ahead, not look back, So pull yourself together! What we gotta do now is find out who this Dartz guy is and where ''he'' keeps all these souls! :'''Duke''': I've been suggesting we do that since day one, but nobody listens to me. :'''Tristan''': Stop thinking about yourself for once, Duke! :'''Duke''': Down, boy. Heel! :'''Yami Yugi''': Let him go, Tristan! :'''Tristan''': Huh? :'''Yami Yugi''': This happened because I couldn't control my anger, and if we keep fighting amongst ourselves, the orichalcos will destroy us. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': You’re about to meet our master, so don’t anything to stupid. :'''Alister''': Yeah, He doesn’t have as much patience as we do. :'''Rex and Weevil''': gulped. :''[They opened the door]'' :'''Rafael''': Mission accomplished, Master. :'''Weevil''': We're gonna become super villains. :''[Rex and Weevil giggling]'' :'''Rafael''': You'll be happy to know the strongest soul on Earth has been captured, Master Dartz. :'''Dartz''': Ah, yes. The Pharaoh. :'''Weevil''': Pharaoh? :'''Rex''': What pharaoh? :'''Dartz''': Unfortunately, you failed again. ''[chair turns around wears a suit]'' :'''Valon''': ''[walks in with an arm in sling]'' That's right. The soul of the Pharaoh is still out there, Rafael. :'''Rafael''': ''[shocked]'' What?! :'''Alister''': ''[shocked]'' Huh?! :'''Dartz''': Now watch and learn. :''[Weevil whimping]'' :'''Rex''': What's that? :'''Dartz''': The Pharaoh's [[w:Rebirth|spirit inhabits the body]] of a young man. And what we have here is a clear case of mistaken identity. :''[Camera zooming towards image of Yugi Muto in stone]'' :'''Rex''': ''[shocked]'' No way! :'''Weevil''': ''[shocked]'' Yugi?! :'''Valon''': Instead of the Pharaoh, ''you'' got the soul of some kid! :'''Rafael''': I still don't understand. :'''Dartz''': Then you need to clean out your ears, you oversized baboon. Both of their spirits inhabit one body! Get it!? ''You'' captured the wrong soul! :'''Rafael''': But how!? I’m pretty sure ''I'' was dueling the Pharaoh! So the Orichcalos should have sealed him! :'''Dartz''': Well, apparently you're not as perceptive as you think you are because ''he'' got away! :'''Rafael''': That Punk! :'''Dartz''': There's no ''one'' to blame but ''yourself''! :'''Rafael''': I can fixed this, If you’ll let me. :'''Weevil''': Hey! :'''Valon, Dartz, Rafael and Alister''': ''[spots at Rex Raptor and Weevil Underwood]'' Huh? :'''Weevil''': Let's go! :'''Rex''': Go where? :''[Rex and Weevil run to Valon, Dartz, Rafael and Alister and knees on]'' :'''Weevil''': Might I suggest something, sir? :'''Rex''': Like a better hideout? :'''Weevil''': Quiet! ''[bangs Rex's head]'' :'''Rex''': Ow! I'm just trying to be helpful. :'''Dartz''': Who are these two? :'''Rex''': Haven't you heard of us? Former regional duel monsters champions? :'''Rafael''': They're just a couple of wanna-be duelists who followed us here. They probably never even played the game. :'''Weevil''': Never played the game?! :'''Rex''': Wanna-bes?! We're great duelists, but we came here to become even better. :'''Weevil''': Yugi and his friends have been making fools of us for years. ''[flashbacks to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 1)#The Ultimate Great Moth|Yugi and Weevil's duel with the Summoned Skull and The Great Moth in defeat,]] and then [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 1)#Trial by Red-Eyes|Joey and Rex's duel with a Time Wizard and Red Eyes Black Dragon in defeat]] at Duelist Kingdom. flashback ends]'' Before ''they'' showed up, we ''ruled the duels.'' But lately it seems like we're just the butt of everyone's jokes. :'''Rex''': And no ''one'' likes being a butt. :'''Weevil''': Uh, What he means is, we want nothing more than to have our revenge. So, please, mister Dartz, sir, share your dueling secrets with us and we'll help you get what you want. :'''Rex''': Please! :'''Dartz''': It won't be easy. The Pharaoh and his little friends wield the power of the legendary dragons. How do you intend to fight against cards like those? :'''Weevil''': That's exactly why we need your help, sir. :'''Rex''': Yeah, Weevil and I need the seal of orichalcos. :'''Dartz''': You know, Before I share my power with you, I have to make sure you're worthy. :'''Weevil''': Give us a chance to prove it. :'''Rex''': We'll do anything. :'''Dartz''': Very well. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Deliver to me the soul of the Pharaoh and his companion young Joseph Wheeler. The Orichcalos is with you. Used it correctly and victory is yours. :'''Rex and Weevil''': Yes, sir. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Back inside the caravan]'' :'''Joey''': So they wanna rule the world. We've dealt with that before. :'''Yami Yugi''': No, Joey, this time things are different. :'''Tristan''': Yeah, They're not just talking about wiping out all life on earth, they're doing it! :'''Joey''': But we know how to stop 'em. :'''Tristan''': Huh? :'''Joey''': We got to go straight to the source and destroy that secret weapon of theirs. :'''Tea''': You mean [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Legend_of_the_Dragons|that weird monster-zapper in the sky?]] :'''Tristan''': Unfortunately, that thing's after more than just monsters. it's using human souls to power itself up so it can wipe out the rest of us. :'''Joey''': Yeah, and right now that thing's got Yugi, so I don't know about you, but I'm not gonna stand here twiddling my thumbs. I'm gonna take action. :'''Tea''': Look, Joey, I wanna help Yugi too, but we can't just fight this thing by ourselves. We need help. :'''Rebecca''': No, Tea. :'''Tea''': Huh? :'''Rebecca''': In case you forgot, Those jerks burned down my grandpa's laboratory and destroyed all his research. And without any hard evidence, there's no way anyone's gonna believe our story. :'''Tea''': But we have proof. It's all down in those underwater ruins. :'''Rebecca''': Whatever was there won't be of any help to us now. The ruins are gone, guys. :'''Tea''': Someone ruined the ruins? :'''Duke''': They're one step ahead of us. :'''Arthur''': ''[opens the door]'' Don't give up so easily. :'''Rebecca''': Gramps, you're awake. :'''Tea''': Yeah, shouldn't you be resting? :'''Arthur''': I'll be fine. Anyway who could sleep with you kids chit chatting all day? Besides, I can help you find the information you need. You're right about looking to the ruins for answers. :'''Yami Yugi''': So did you discover anything more about these thugs? :'''Arthur''': Well, I can't be sure, but based on the inscriptions I found, there's a good chance these fellows are descendants of Atlantis, an ancient continent said to have disappeared into the ocean thousands of years ago without a trace. :'''Tea''': Are you sure? :'''Duke''': Professor, If your hunch is right, Why would these people want to destroy what was left of their ancestors' city? :'''Arthur''': They must be trying to hide something. Those ruins revealed the history of Atlantis, and it's not a pleasant one. They must what to keep it a secret. :'''Yami Yugi''': How much of this history do you know? :'''Arthur''': Thousands of years ago, Atlantis was home to the most advanced civilization the world had ever known. It truly was a paradise on earth, a land of eternal tranquility where everyone lived in peace until one day, when a dreadful creature was called forth from the depths of the earth by an evil king. :'''Yami Yugi''': An evil king? Oh, no. ''[Flashes back to their first duel, Rafael told Pharaoh heard about the Pharaoh are the one responsible for the destroy Egypt.]'' :'''Tea''': ''[worried]'' What's wrong? Are you OK? :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm fine. :'''Arthur''': It seems this power hungry king drew his evil strength from a mysterious stone, and this stone drew it's strength from another world. :'''Joey''': It's that rock they wear on their neck, Isn't it? :'''Arthur''': I'm not sure. That's all I was able to translate. :'''Joey''': NO! :'''Tristan''': Chill out, man. you'll blow a gasket. :'''Joey''': You guys don't get it, do you? Those Atlantis freaks are trying to cover something up about this ancient mega-monster. :'''Duke''': Of course. There was probably something written in those ruins about how to destroy that thing before it destroys us. :'''Tristan''': I get it. Hey, Joey, I guess you had your good idea for the year. :'''Arthur''': The ruins may have been destroyed, but there are copies of the inscriptions at a museum. It's in [[Florida]], where I was doing my underwater research. :'''Tea''': Perfect. So all we have to do is go there and translate the rest. :'''Arthur''': Mm-hmm. :'''Joey''': What are we waiting for? Let's head to sunshine state and find out the secret to defeating these guys and saving Yugi, right? :'''Tristan''': I'm right behind ya, man! Goodbye to Death Valley, Hello to fun in the sun. :'''Duke''': That's great. Just one question: How are we supposed to get there? :'''Tristan''': We're doomed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kaiba''': ''[after hearing what happened to Yugi over the phone]'' YUGI LOST?! Yugi gave up his Duel Monsters crown to some nobody?! No one deserves that title but me! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[calmly]'' Hold on. :'''Kaiba''': I don't wanna hear another word! You're a disgrace to the game, Yugi! ''[hangs up]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': I'll book our flights and we'll take a train to the airport. I just hope we can save Yugi before it's too late. ===''On the Wrong Track'' [4.16-18]=== ====Part 1==== :''[at the train station]'' :'''Téa''': How this train ride anyway? :'''Joey''': Too long. :'''Téa''': ''[sighs]'' Any chance you wanna go instead of me, Duke? :'''Duke''': No can do, Téa. I gotta stick with Professor Hawkins in case those biker punks come back. :'''Tristan''': Duke's right. Plus he's gonna keep an eye on Rebecca too. :''[Flashback to Rebecca and Arthur see Pharaoh and his friends leaving]'' :'''Rebecca''': I wanna go too! They need a brain like mine to figure out how to save Yugi! Please!? :'''Arthur''': It's too dangerous. And the Pharaoh has enough on his mind already. :'''Rebecca''': Huh? :'''Arthur''': The last thing he needs is the responsibility of looking after you. His closest friend in the world's been taken from him. :'''Rebecca''': ''[cries ran back to the caravan]'' You don't understand anything, Grandpa! :'''Arthur''': Rebecca, wait! It's for your own good! :''[the flashback ends]'' :'''Duke''': You better get on the train before you miss your ride. :'''Joey''': We got plenty of time. :'''Tristan''': No, we don’t. :'''Joey''': Like I said "All Aboard!" :'''Téa''': Take care, Duke. :''[Joey, Tristan, Pharaoh and Téa are onboard the train carriages as the train horns blares and the train departed from the station as Duke waves to them.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Téa''': Come on, you gotta cheer up. I promise we'll get Yugi back. But in the meantime, you can't just sit around moping. It might feel better to talk about it. We can even come up with a plan together. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[sighs, gets up the seat and sadly walked off alone]'' Sorry Téa. :'''Téa''': Poor guy. ''[watches the Pharaoh walked off alone feeling sad after he lost the duel with Rafael]'' :'''Tristan''': Just let him go, Téa. :'''Téa''': Huh? :'''Tristan''': I think he needs to be alone for a while you know? :'''Joey''': He's already alone. :'''Téa and Tristan''': Huh? :'''Joey''': Isn't that the whole problem? He’s crushed. But he’ll be alright soon enough. ‘Cause we’re going to rescue Yugi, right guys? :'''Téa''': There’s no doubt. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' How could ''I'' have been so selfish? I gave in to the darkness within my heart... and Yugi paid the price. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|their last duel with Rafael as the Seal took Yugi instead]].]'' I've lost him forever. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tea''': ''[sighs]'' He's been gone for a while. :'''Tristan''': ''[notices the passengers are empty]'' Hey, Hold on. He's not the only one! :'''Joey''': Huh? :'''Tristan''': Call me crazy. But wasn't this train completely filled with passengers just a minute ago?! What's the deal!? How can a train full of people all of a sudden be empty!? :'''Joey''': What?! :''[Joey and Tea sees passengers are empty]'' :'''Tea''': Alright. Now I'm officially freaked out! :''[back at Dartz's lair]'' :'''Dartz''': ''[evilly laughter]'' A vacant train is the least of your problems, my young friends. I'm just getting warmed up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tea''': There you are. :'''Yami Yugi''': Huh? :'''Joey''': 'Case you haven't noticed, Something weird's going on. :'''Tristan''': If you asked me. I'd say this whole train ride is another trap. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[gasp]'' :'''Joey''': I'm sure those same slime balls are behind this. and I bet they're onboard. :'''Tristan''': Well what are we standing here for? Let's get 'em! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': Pharaoh! Tea! Whatta we do now!? :'''Yami Yugi''': Get help! :'''Tea''': Come on, we have to find a way to stop this train! :'''Tristan''': Hey, we're slowing down! You heard 'em. we gotta get help. :'''Joey''': I know... but there's a problem. ''[he and Tristan jumps off the rail coaches]'' We're in the middle of nowhere! and we don't even know those two are gonna end up. Bye, guys. Hang in there. :'''Tristan''': I guess it's just you and me now. :'''Joey''': Hmm ''[sees Rex appears snickers in the railcar with his chaos duel disk on.]'' Huh? Rex!? What are you doing here? :'''Rex Raptor''': ''[jumps off the rail coaches and walks towards Joey and Tristan]'' I still have a score to settle with you, Wheeler. Remember? You tooked my Red Eyes Black Dragon. :'''Joey''': Rex, This is not the time. :'''Rex''': It’s the perfect time for revenge. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[sees Weevil appears on top of this train with his chaos duel disk on]'' Weevil Underwood! Are you behind this!? You'd better start explaining yourself! :'''Tea Gardner''': Weevil? What are you what with us, worm boy! :'''Weevil Underwood''': What are you think I what? A rematched with the king of games! :'''Tea Gardner''': Are you nuts!? :'''Weevil Underwood''': I'm just in the mood for a friendly duel. :'''Yami Yugi''': Weevil, Who put you up to this? :'''Weevil Underwood''': No one did. I figured this was a good time to test out my new secret weapon, that's all. :'''Tristan Taylor''': Is that magic rock the professor told us about it! Where did you find that thing, Raptor!? :'''Joey Wheeler''': I knew it! ''He's'' working for ''them!'' :''[back on the train]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': You've been brainwashed, Weevil! :'''Téa''': Wake up! Those guys are just using you! :'''Weevil''': Who cares! as long as I have ultimate power! :'''Yami Yugi''': You're ''wrong!'' :'''Weevil''': Then just duel ''me!'' :'''Téa''': Wait a minute! :'''Yami Yugi''': Huh? Téa, no! It's too dangerous! :'''Téa''': Weevil! Don't you realize that if you go through with this duel, one of you guys is gonna lose your soul forever!? :'''Yami Yugi''': Téa. :'''Weevil''': Of course I do, Téa. That's the whole reason I'm here! To make him pay by ''sealing him away!'' :'''Téa''': Oh! :'''Yami Yugi''': Oh no! :'''Weevil''': Don't worry. Soon you'll be locked away with your friend Yugi, Pharaoh! ''[laughing]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Where is ''he!?'' Tell me! :'''Weevil''': I'm afraid the only way to find out is to duel me. so if you back down now, then you'll never see that little twerp again! :'''Yami Yugi''': Very well! Then let's duel! :'''Weevil''': ''[laughing]'' Wise choice, Pharaoh! ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' :'''Rex''': ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' I'm gonna enjoy this! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey Wheeler''': What did you do to my friends!? :'''Rex Raptor''': Nothing! Weevil's dealing with those two losers why I handled you two. :'''Tristan Taylor''': Weevil? So he's in on this train too. :'''Joey''': Rex, you guys pick the wrong side to join. :'''Rex''': Oh really? Well, we'll just see about that won't we. I've been given more power then you ever dreamed of! :'''Joey''': ''[growl]'' Look, Rex, not only can I duel circles around your sorry behind but you're half my size! So why don't you get out of my way before I step on you! :'''Rex''': Sorry, pal. I'm not going anywhere till we duel! So draw your cards and let's get it on, chump! I've got a duel to win! :'''Tristan''': Now what? :'''Joey''': ''[sighs]'' I warned them. Now let's trample this geek and then go find Yugi and Téa. :'''Tristan''': Good call. :'''Rex''': Oh yeah? You'll change your mind when ''I'' activate this card! :'''Joey and Tristan''': Huh? :'''Rex''': ''[snickers and holds up "The Seal of Orichalcos" card]'' Look familiar!? :'''Tristan''': The Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Joey''': Drop the card! That thing is evil, Rex. I'm telling ya, you have no idea what you're doing! :'''Rex''': You're not so tough now! Are you, Wheeler! ''[laughs and activates the card]'' :'''Joey''': ''He'' played it! :''[Joey and Tristan grunting and as Rex screams]'' :'''Tristan''': Aah! :'''Joey''': No, Tristan! :'''Rex''': Ahh! Ha Ha Ha! Now... That's what I call power. :'''Joey''': What was ''he'' thinking playing that! :'''Tristan''': Be careful, man! He just raised the stakes a this duel big time! Now who ever loses the game, loses their soul! :'''Joey''': Gee, Thanks for the reminder. :'''Rex''': Let's do this. It's payback time! :'''Joey''': Sorry, Rex. ''I'' won't duel ''you!'' :'''Rex''': You don't have much ''choice!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Weevil Underwood''': I won’t keep you in suspense any longer! ''[snickers]'' It’s my move! ''[holds up "The Seal of Orichalcos" card]'' And I think I’ll play the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Yami Yugi''': Weevil, don’t be a fool! :'''Weevil Underwood''': What seems to be the problem, Pharaoh? You’ve played this card before, haven’t you? If I’m not mistaken, this is what you used to lock little Yugi away! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Looks like the battles are underway. :'''Rafael''': Yes, Master. And if all goes well, the soul of the Pharaoh will soon be yours. Of course, we win no matter what, because whatever the final outcome is, we get two souls. :'''Dartz''': ''[evilly snickers]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rex Raptor''': Are you gonna duel, Wheeler? or just stand there like a loser while I take you apart? :'''Joey Wheeler''': I got no choice. Alright I didn't wanna do this... But you got yourself a duel! :'''Tristan Taylor''': Are you sure? :'''Joey Wheeler''': It's the only way to save Yuge, so yes. :'''Rex Raptor''': Good answer. I've been waiting for this moment for years. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': ''[evilly snickers]'' It won't be long now. The soul of the Pharaoh is nearly in my grasp. After all we have the perfect bait. ''[evilly laughter]'' :''[To Be Continued...]'' ====Part 2==== :''[Joey and Rex were still dueling with Panther Warrior, the two Gilasaurus and Kaitoptera still on the field]'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': Dude, you've got three dinos breathing down your neck! You better think of something before you're extinct! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Gee, thanks. :'''Rex Raptor''': You're in way over your head! Thanks to the Seal of Orichalcos, I can never be beat, but enough talk! On with the Duel! ''[draws Polymerization from his Deck]'' It's showtime. First, I'll use Polymerization to combine my Gilasaurus with my Kaitoptera to form Horned Saurus! ''[Horned Saurus appears on the field]'' But you ain't seen nothing yet! Next I'll play Giant Rex! ''[Giant Rex also appears on the field]'' And the Seal of Orichalcos gives my Jurassic giants a power boost! ''[Horned Saurus' and Giant Rex's eyes glow red as the Seal of Orichalcos raises their attack by 500]'' Time to get prehistoric on you, Wheeler, by letting my ravenous meat-eaters chow down on your Life Points! My Horned Saurus is up first! Now, attack Wheeler directly! :'''Tristan Taylor''': How can he do that when you've got a monster on the field? :'''Rex Raptor''': Easy, Horned Saurus has a special ability that lets him bypass your monsters and go straight for your Life Points! Tough break. ''[Horned Saurus fires a shockwave blast on top of Joey, making Joey's Life Points drop to 1500]'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': That runt is kicking your butt! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Thanks for the help. You're a real pal. :'''Rex Raptor''': For my next trick, Giant Rex will make your Panther Warrior disappear! ''[Giant Rex attack and destroys Panther Warrior]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Be patient, Great Leviathan. Soon the soul of the Pharaoh shall be yours. ''[evil laughing]'' :'''Weevil''': ''[chucking]'' You’re about to pay the ultimate price, and I’ll be known as the duelist who dethroned the king of games! :''[To Be Continued...]'' ====Part 3==== :'''Yami Yugi''': My dragon! He abandoned me! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rex Raptor''': Please Save me! ''[screaming as the Oricalchos claims Rex's soul]'' :'''Joey Wheeler''': ''Sorry, Rex. It's the only way.'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': Rex! Come on, man wake up! I know you're in there somewhere so snap out of it. :'''Joey Wheeler''': It's no use, Tristan. The Orichalcos has him now. But I promise we'll get him back. As soon as we find Pegasus and Yugi. :'''Tristan Taylor''': Yeah, but how? :'''Joey Wheeler''': But first we gotta figured out where this Dartz guy hangs out. Find him, and we'll find them. YOU HEAR ME, DARTZ?! WE'RE COMING TO GET YOU! AND WE'RE NOT LEAVING WITHOUT OUR FRIENDS! ''[echoes]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Yami Yugi and Weevil's Duel is still underway with Breaker the Magical Warrior, Poison Butterfly and Armored Centipede on the field]'' :'''Weevil Underwood''': I'll tell you what. Because I feel sorry for you, I'd be willing to do you a little favor before you lose. I have a card in my pocket I think you'd like to see. I can't wait to see the look on your face! ''[laughs hysterically]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[snarls]'' ''Weevil!'' :'''Weevil Underwood''': Relax, Pharaoh, I'm just trying to be nice. It's the least I can do to repay you for ruining my life. You wanna see Yugi, right? ''[the flashback cuts in]'' His spirit is trapped, deep in the caverns of Dartz's lair, and I know how to set him free! ''[cuts back to the present]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Tell me how to save him right now! :'''Weevil Underwood''': ''[laughs]'' Very well. In order to release his soul, you'll need a special card. ''[takes out a Gokibore card out of his pocket]'' And I've got it right here. :'''Yami Yugi''': What?! Then hand it to me now! :'''Weevil Underwood''': That's not a nice way to ask! Why don't you try saying, "Pretty please, with sugar on top"? ''[Yami Yugi walks short, but realizes that Weevil was bluffing]'' Oh, well, too late! So it looks like I'll have to teach you a lesson in manners! Now say goodbye! ''[rips the Gokibore card in half]'' Yugi's gone FOREVER! ''[Yami Yugi, having witnessed Weevil rip the card, suddenly erupts into an uncontrollable rage]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[roars ferociously]'' '''NO!''' :'''Weevil Underwood''': ''[laughing]'' :'''Tea Gardner''': ''[in tears]'' No. Poor Yugi. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[furiously]'' You snake! :'''Weevil Underwood''': ''[laughs]'' Don’t you know a joke when you hear one? I tore up a useless bug card. :'''Tea Gardner''': Huh? ''[anger]'' Weevil, That’s not very funny! :'''Weevil Underwood''': You people have no sense of humour! :'''Yami Yugi''': You'll pay for that! You hear me, Weevil!? :'''Weevil Underwood''': Ha! Huh? :'''Yami Yugi''': You'll pay dearly! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Weevil Underwood''': ''[thinking]'' Yugi's been planning this all along! :'''Yami Yugi''': It's the beginning of the end for you! ''[draws a monster card from his Deck]'' I've drawn Queen's Knight! ''[discards Queen's Knight to the Graveyard]'' And since it's a monster, my warrior can attack! Go! ''[Breaker attacks Weevil's Life Points, making them go to 700]'' Now, for my next card! ''[draws Gazelle the King of Mythical Beasts]'' Looks like you're out of luck. Attack again! ''[Breaker makes a second attack at Weevil, making Weevil's Life Points drop to 0]'' I draw again! ''[draws Big Shield Gardna]'' Another monster! ''[Breaker delivers the third blow to Weevil]'' This just isn't your day! ''[draws Alpha the Magnet Warrior and Breaker attacks Weevil while Tea tearfully witnesses the moment]'' Breaker, attack him again! ''[Breaker delivers the last blow to Weevil, just as the Oricalchos claims Weevil's soul]'' Let's see. ''[draws Dark Magician Girl]'' Oh, well... :'''Tea Gardner''': ''[rushes to Yami Yugi in tears]'' Please, Pharaoh! No more! :'''Yami Yugi''': Let me go! :'''Tea Gardner''': You can stop now. It's over. You've already won the duel. The Seal of Oricalchos is gone. We have to put an end to all this. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''Tea's right'', ''[holds Dark Magician Girl card]'' ''I have a promise to keep.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': So many souls, so little time. The Great Leviathan is growing impatient. I must supply him with the power he needs to awaken… and for that, I need the soul of the Pharaoh. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Tell me where Yugi is! :'''Tea Gardner''': Pharaoh... It's no use. You won. So the Seal of Oricalcos took Weevil away. Pharaoh? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': No! I need him alive! ===''Self Destruction'' [4.19]=== :''[after the train derails and falling off the cliffs a passenger car on the river, at Dartz's lair Dartz not happy]'' :'''Dartz''': ''[stands up]'' Somehow I've lost contact with the Pharaoh. :'''Rafael''': Maybe he didn't survive the fall. :'''Dartz''': He did. However, Something or someone is hiding him from my vision. :'''Rafael''': Then let me be your eyes, Master. I'll track him down and make up for my failure. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chris''': ''[offscreen]'' Skye! Get back here! Skye! ''[appeared enter the tent]'' That's no way to treat our guests. ''[to Pharaoh and Téa]'' Sorry if she woke you up. :'''Yami Yugi''': Who are you? How did you find us? :'''Chris''': You can call me Chris. ''[giggles]'' And you've already met Skye. She's the one that found you. She was sniffing around for food and ended up sniffing out you guys instead. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ironheart''': I see your strength is back. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes, Thank you. :'''Ironheart''': Pleased to hear it. You two had me worried. By the way, the name is Ironheart, and I believe this belongs to you. Pardon me for being intrusive... But I couldn't help noticing you possess the legendary Eye of Timaeus... The only one of it's kind. :'''Yami Yugi''': Take it. I'm not deserving of it's power. :'''Téa Gardner''': That's not true. :'''Ironheart''': I'll hold it until you're ready. :'''Téa Gardner''': Did you find another kid? He had glasses and a bad haircut? He was on the train with us it crashed. :'''Ironheart''': No, I'm afraid you were the only ones we found. Perhaps your friend was able to escape before the train fell off that cliff. I assure you, there wasn't another soul on board. :'''Yami Yugi''': I highly doubt Weevil was able to escape. Not in the condition he was in. I'm afraid there's a greater power at work here. :'''Ironheart''': I must say, young man. You seem to possess a wisdom that reaches far beyond your years. Now, I've encountered many people in my travels... but there's something about you i've never seen before... something in your eyes. I'm also sensing that you hold a great deal of loneliness in your heart. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's because I recently lost a very close friend of mine. His name is Yugi Muto. And now... I'm on a journey to find his soul. :'''Ironheart''': What will you do if you find him? :'''Yami Yugi''': I’ll apologize for betraying his trust and abandoning him. :'''Ironheart''': Hmm. I might just be able to help. Follow me. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Rafael jumps on the rail carriage after the train falls off the cliff looking for the Pharaoh.]'' :'''Rafael''': Hey, Pharaoh! You in there or not!? How did he escape? ''[looks at the mountain]'' I'LL FIND YOU, PHARAOH, WHEREVER YOU ARE! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi Muto''': Is that really you? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi! :'''Tea''': Hey, It's him! :'''Yami Yugi''': I've found you! Hmm? :'''Yugi''': You came all this way just to see me? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes of course, I just want you to say how sorry I am. :'''Yugi''': I'm sorry too, I wish this whole thing never happened. :'''Yami Yugi''': It's my fault. I surrendered to my inner darkness. I allowed my anger to take over and you paid the price. But now that you're gone, The darkness is starting to grow without your light to keep me pure... I'm becoming evil, Yugi. I'm beginning to believe that what Rafael said about me is true. Perhaps I was a [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|wicked pharaoh]]. ''[Flashes back to their first duel, Rafael told Pharaoh heard about the Pharaoh are the one responsible for the destroy Egypt.]'' What if I am the one responsible for the destruction of Egypt? If I'm capable of such horrific behavior then it's my soul that should be locked away. :'''Yugi''': Well, What good is that now!? ''I'm'' the one who's been locked away forever, Not ''you''! :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm sorry? :'''Yugi''': Well, The last thing I need is your pity, Pharaoh! If You're really evil there's only thing to do. :'''Yami Yugi''': What are you saying? :'''Yugi''': You said it yourself, Didn't you? Your spirit should be locked away with mine. And I'm gonna do it. :'''Yami Yugi''': Wait! You misunderstood me! :'''Yugi''': Oh, So now you're taking back what you said!? Make up your mind! ''You'' don't deserve to be a part of this world! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[shocked]'' Yugi. :'''Yugi''': It's about time you started taking some responsibility for what you've done! There's only one thing left to do and you know it! You need to be a man for once and face me in a duel now! :'''Yami Yugi''': No please. :'''Yugi''': Too late! It's time for you to pay! If you're really sorry then you'll do this! It's time to duel! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tea''': Wait, So he's gonna duel himself. But why? :'''Ironheart''': This is the only way. :'''Tea''': Huh? :'''Chris''': That's why we took you guys here. So the pharaoh can face his other half. He has to deal with what he did so he can put it all behind him and finally move on. :'''Tea''': How do you know all this stuff? :'''Chris''': We've always known this. We were taught that a warrior would come to save our world. And as soon as we found you guys, We knew that he was the one. :'''Tea''': So, what's he supposed to do now? :'''Ironheart''': His first step is to face his inner fears and conquer the darkness that lurks within his heart. But if he loses this battle, The pharaoh's spirit will remain here forever. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Why are ''you'' acting like this?! :'''Yugi''': I'm just a reflection of ''you''! :'''Yami Yugi''': What do you mean, Yugi!? :'''Yugi''': You don't get it, do you? You and I are exactly the same. So the darkness that's in your heart... is also inside my heart. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi, I wish I could take it back. :'''Yugi''': Too late! You've already shown me who you really are an evil pharaoh who cares only about himself! Face the Facts! ''You'' didn't care what happened to me so long as you had power! Now it's my turn! :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi, wait! Are you holding the card I think you are!? :'''Yugi''': It's sounds like your starting to catch on aren't you, your highness? This duel is a chance for you to look at yourself from the outside. And there's only one card that can make that happen... The Seal of Orichalcos. :'''Yami Yugi''': Huh!? Yugi, no! ''[gasps]'' :'''Yugi''': Now it's pay back time, For taken my soul! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi… Don’t do this! Snap out of it! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': YUGI NO! I won't let you do this! ''[screaming]'' '''STOP!''' I ACTIVATE THE TRAP CARD... DIVINE WIND! :'''Yugi''': He did it! He was able to reverse my attack and double its strength to win the duel! :''[blast on Yugi and he screams and making his Life Points drop to 0]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': What have I done!? Yugi! :'''Yugi''': ''[groaning]'' :'''Tea Gardner''': Is he alright? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi! ''[running towards Yugi]'' Come on! ''[holds his body]'' Speak to me, Please! :'''Yugi''': You passed the test, pal. :'''Yami Yugi''': What are you taking about, Yugi? Did you plan this all along? :'''Yugi''': It was the only way. By defeating me you were able to defeat the darkness that was inside your heart. It wasn’t easy, But you did what was best for me and for mankind. You acted like a true hero. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[in tears]'' But now what? What can I do? :'''Yugi''': Don't give up this fight. Remember... I'm aways with you. ''[disappears]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[gasps see Yugi disappears]'' I'll save you! No matter what it takes. ===''Reliving the Past'' [4.20]=== :'''Téa''': Seems like the Pharaoh's in pretty bad shape down there. :'''Ironheart''': Of course. There's still a hole in his heart has Yet to be filled. :'''Téa''': ''[worried; thinking]'' Poor, guy. He still blames himself for what happened to Yugi. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[cries in tears after the duel with Yugi]'' Yugi, If it weren’t for me, You'd still be here. I'll never forgive myself. ''[Flashes back to their [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|last duel as the Seal took Yugi instead]].]'' Mark my words! I won't rest you until I get you back! Uhh! It's not fair! I should be locked away! Not you! I’m the one ''who'' played that evil card! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Meet Orichalcos Gigas! Attack the Pharaoh! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': I've got you right where I what you, Pharaoh. ''[evilly chuckle]'' :''[Rafael watches the Pharaoh and the Orichalcos soldier were still dueling with Obnoxious Celtic Guardian and Orichalcos Gigas still on the field]'' :'''Rafael''': Let's see you get yourself outta this. :'''Tea Gardner''': He's about to lose! :'''Ironheart''': There is but one thing that can save him. :'''Chris''': The card he gave you? :'''Ironheart''': Mmm. ''[grabs the card]'' The Eye of Timaeus. The creature that fought by my side so long ago. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': ''[spots at Ironheart]'' Who is that? :'''Ironheart''': Pharaoh! Take this card! :'''Yami Yugi''': Ironheart!? :'''Dartz''': You've disrupted my plans for the last time, old man. :''[lightning bolt strikes on Ironheart]'' :'''Ironheart''': AAH! :'''Yami Yugi''': IRONHEART! NO! :'''Chris''': GRANDFATHER! :'''Ironheart''': ''[groaning and collapses and holds up "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' Please take this card from me. It's the only way to defeat the beast. :''[Orichalcos blocks the Pharaoh on the field]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': I can't get out! :'''Chris''': Grandpa! :'''Ironheart''': It's up to you. :'''Chris''': What do you mean, Gramps? :'''Ironheart''': ''[groaning]'' Take this... and bring it to the Pharaoh. ''[Chris grab "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' Otherwise, All hope is lost. Good luck. ''[disappears]'' :'''Chris''': ''[gasps, sees her grandfather disappears in tears]'' No, Grandpa! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Please, Chris, Turn back! It's far too dangerous! :'''Chris''': ''[running, holds up "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' Pharaoh, My Grandpa want you to have this! ''[lightning bolt strikes on Chris]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': NO! :'''Chris''': ''[screaming]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Chris, No! :'''Chris''': ''[gasping]'' Pharaoh... ''[holds up "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' Take this... please. :'''Yami Yugi''': What is it? :'''Chris''': ''[groaning]'' It's the only thing that can stop him. It saved us once... and with your help it can save us again. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[grab and hold the card]'' The Eye of Timaeus. :'''Chris''': ''[smile and eyes closed]'' I trust you, Pharaoh. Thank you. ''[disappears]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[see Chris disappears]'' Hold on! Come back! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': There's only one thing left to do, ''[looks at "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' I hope you deem me worthy of your power, ''[close his eyes]'' I’m truly sorry for having betrayed you. But the lives are so many innocent people are getting hurt and depending on you, So I asked you not for myself, But for all those at risk. Please help me, Timaeus. The future of two worlds hangs in the balance, ''[open his eyes]'' we must win! No matter what. ''[draws Dark Magician Girl card]'' Now I sacrifice my Celtic Guardian in order to summon Dark Magician Girl! ''[summons Dark Magician Girl]'' Next I'll play... The legendary Eye of Timaeus! :'''Dartz''': He'll never learn. :'''Rafael''': ''[surprised]'' I don't believe it. He should never have been able to summon that dragon! :'''Yami Yugi''': Dark Magician Girl, fuse with Timaeus, forming Dark Magician Girl the dragon knight! Next, I'll enhance your strength with my Excalibur magic card! Attack! Destroy his creature of darkness! ''[Timaeus fire blast and Dark Magician Girl rise the sword and blast on the Orichalcos Gigas and the Orichalcos Soldier Blasting light]'' YOU HEAR ME, DARTZ?! I'M COMING TO GET YOU! AND I'M NOT LEAVING WITHOUT MY FRIENDS! ''[echoes]'' :'''Dartz''': ''[thinking]'' This isn't over, Pharaoh. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey Wheeler''': I'm assuming you see that gigantic green sunset over there, right? :'''Tristan Taylor''': What do you think it is? :'''Joey''': Hmm? ''[holds "The Claw of Hermos" card glowing]'' I'm guessing it's got something to do with this. Let's just hope Téa and the Pharaoh are alright. Come on! ''[ran off]'' :'''Tristan''': Hey, Wait! It's your turn to carry Rex! ''[ran off to followed Joey]'' I know you can hear me! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[to Timaeus and Dark Magician Girl]'' Well done, my creatures. He's gone now. Thanks to you two. But I feel this is just the beginning. :'''Rafael''': I have to say I'm glad you won, Pharaoh. 'Cause now I can be the one who delivers your soul to Master Dartz. ''[walks away]'' :''[Tea spots at Ironheart, Chris and Skye along with the three legendary dragons in stone]'' :'''Tea Gardner''': Wait. That's a carving of Ironheart, Chris and Skye from 10,000 years ago? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes. :'''Tea Gardner''': So you mean to tell me that those guys were just ghosts or something? :'''Yami Yugi''': They're spirits who once fought a great war, and now they've been captured by Dartz. ''[Tea stands up then she and the Pharaoh turns around and walks away]'' This gives me three more reasons to hunt down this madman and bring peace to the world once again. ===''Deck of Armor'' [4.21]=== :'''Yami Yugi''': Take my hand. We're back where we left off. :'''Téa''': Nice. Now all we have to do is follow those railway tracks. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's right. If all goes well, they should lead us straight to Tristan and Joey. assuming they haven't wandered off. :'''Téa''': They better be there. We have to do what we set out to do. Figure out where this Dartz creep hangs out so we can set free everyone he captured. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes, Téa. I only wish it were that easy. :'''Téa''': And remind me never to get on the train again. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Inside Paradius headquarters Mai at the meeting room with Dartz, Valon, Rafael, and Alister after Joey defeats Rex Raptor at the middle of nowhere on the railway line]'' :'''Mai Valentine''': Just leave Joey Wheeler to me. :'''Rafael''': You'll do nothing until Master Dartz gives you an assignment. :'''Mai Valentine''': What is this, Third grade? I decide who I'm gonna duel for myself. I don't wait for the homework assignment. :'''Rafael''': Why don't you show a little respect? :'''Alister''': Come on, Raf, as if little miss loud mouth knows respect? :'''Mai Valentine''': What did you call me? :'''Rafael''': Relax. :'''Mai Valentine''': Look, I was doing perfectly fine until Johnny stuntman over there stepped in. If it wasn't for you, I would a won. As for you, I don't need some scrawny freak dictating my every move! I'm out of here, losers! ''[opens the door]'' Humph! ''[walks off alone]'' :'''Dartz''': Just let her go, Valon. :'''Valon''': Hmm? :'''Dartz''': She can try to run away from fate, But in the end she'll get what she deserves. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': I know you’re deep down you feel the way I do, Mai. :'''Mai''': What? :'''Valon''': That’s why we found each other. You’re just like me… Lonely and misunderstood. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duke Devlin''': ''[driving]'' Should we have left so soon? :'''Rebecca Hawkins''': Of course. Time is running out. We have to catch up with the others now. ''[inside the caravan, Arthur was asleep]'' Besides, Gramps can get just as much rest on the road. Plus, we can't translate those ancient ruins without his help, Duke. :'''Duke''': Huh? ''[spots at Valon with Mai Valentine]'' Hey Rebecca, look, It's Mai Valentine. But what's she doing here? Wait a sec! That guy... ''[Flashes back to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|Joey and Mai's first duel]], Duke saw Valon next to Rafael watching Mai against Joey]'' I recognize him. He's one of those biker punks that brainwashed Mai. ''[cuts back to the present]'' He works for Dartz. :'''Rebecca''': Stop the car, Duke! :'''Duke''': Rebecca! Hold on! We’re dealing with a lunatic here! :'''Rebecca''': Alright, Tell me what you did with Yugi?! You guys had no right to take him! :'''Valon''': Sorry, kid, Never heard of him. :'''Rebecca''': Well, maybe this’ll refresh your memory! I win, You talk! Let’s duel! :'''Duke''': No, Rebecca! It’s too dangerous! :'''Rebecca''': I’ll be fine. I’ve dueled tougher opponents than this. So what are you say, punk? Do we have a deal or not? :'''Valon''': You can’t be serious, kid. :'''Mai''': Here’s your big chance. Why don’t you show me your stuff. :'''Rebecca''': Let’s go. I don’t have all day. :'''Valon''': Well, why not? She could use a lesson in manners and I got five minutes to kill. Plus I can sho off a few of my new dueling strategies. Alright. You talked me into it, mate. Let’s have a go. :'''Duke''': Hold on! If you dueling her then you'll dueling me too, tough guy! :'''Valon''': Peachy. Then I’ll take both of you blokes on. Ha. ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' Pay attention, Mai. This is for you. :'''Duke''': Remember, Rebecca, don’t let him play the seal of Orichalcos. :'''Rebecca''': Got it. :'''Valon, Duke and Rebecca''': Let’s duel! <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :''[Valon defeats Rebecca Hawkins and Duke Devlin in their duel.]'' :'''Rebecca''': Fine, You won. Now leave us alone. :'''Duke''': Get lost. :'''Valon''': Very well then, I gotta message for Joey Wheeler, tell that punk he's next. ''[laughing, then spots at Mai hops on her motorcycle]'' Where are you going, Mai. :'''Mai''': I told you, I worked alone! ''[droves off]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Téa, do you see what I see? :'''Téa''': You mean all those weird lights? :'''Yami Yugi''': I fear it’s the great beast. The same thing happened when it emerged the first time. ''[thinking]'' ''We’re running out of time.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Yes, Great Leviathan. Keep feeding, my child. You’re almost ready. ''[evilly chuckling]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Inside the KaibaCorp Airplane where Seto and Mokuba sitting on the seat]'' :'''Mokuba Kaiba''': You think it’s true, Seto? I mean, could Yugi really have lost to one of Alister's partners in a duel? And does that mean he’s trapped somewhere now? :'''Seto Kaiba''': It just means Yugi’s not as perfect as everyone thinks he is, and he’s not worth my time. We’ve got more important things to do. ===''Flight of Fear'' [4.22-23]=== ====Part 1==== :''[Kaiba and Alister's rematch duel begins]'' :'''Alister''': As the challenger, I'll start! And I'll summon my Science Soldier in defense mode! That's all for now. :'''Seto''': How pathetic. My move! I summon X-Head Cannon in attack mode! Now, X-Head Cannon, attack! Looks like you're defenseless. :'''Mokuba''': ''[worried; thinking]'' If Alister plays that Seal of Orichalcos, Seto's in big trouble! :'''Alister''': No big deal. Watch this! I play Cyber Soldier of Dark World. And next, I'll place one card facedown and end my turn. :'''Seto''': What a joke! My move! I summon Y-Dragon Head in attack mode! Attack his Cyber Soldier of Dark World, now! And now, X-Head Cannon, attack his Life Points directly! :'''Mokuba''': ''[thinking]'' Alister's making this too easy. :'''Seto''': I think that's just about enough punishment for now. I end my turn. ''[sets a card facedown]'' :'''Alister''': You sound pretty confident, Kaiba, but you'll change your tune. You've been so pretty occupied with your own monsters, you forgot what I have waiting in my deck. I guess I'll have to remind you. It's the card I used on you last time and it changes the entire playing field! :'''Seto''': ''[realizes]'' Hold it! Did you just draw what I think you did, Alister?! ''[turns to Mokuba]'' Mokuba, GET BACK! :'''Alister''': ''[raises the card up in his hand which is The Seal of Orichalcos]'' I activate the Seal of Orichalcos! ''[laughs as the Seal of Orichalcos grows the circle which engulfs the room and knocks Mokuba away from it's boundary]'' :'''Seto''': Mokuba! ''[beams of green light shoot out of the plane and as Alister screams, the plane's controls end up being sabotaged, including the autopilot]'' This can't be real! ''[The Seal of Orichalcos rises Kaiba and Alister up to the top of the plane]'' What's going on, Alister? :'''Alister''': ''[with his eyes glowing red]'' I just needed some air, that's all. <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> ====Part 2==== <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Man''': Master Dartz, I've just received word from our business division. :'''Dartz''': Yes, go on. :'''Man''': The Takeover was a success. Congratulations, Master. Kaiba Corp now belongs to you. ===''Paradise Found'' [4.24]=== <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': I got the images, And my grandpa's looking them over now. :'''Yami Yugi''': Good. Let's meet up as soon as possible. Oh, And one more thing… I'm sorry. :'''Arthur Hawkins''': Rebecca, You can't blame the Pharaoh for what happened to Yugi. :'''Rebecca''': ''[looks at her grandfather worried]'' Huh? :'''Arthur''': There's far too much at stake for hurting his feelings. You must be so hard on him. Right now, We're all fighting a common enemy. And this data may be our only hope. :'''Rebecca''': ''[sadly]'' You're right. :'''Arthur''': Pharaoh, The quality of the images is much worse then I thought. Unless we clear up these photos I won’t be able to read much at all. :'''Seto Kaiba''': Set a course for Kaiba Corporation headquarters immediately. :'''Tristan''': Dude, are you nuts. :'''Tea''': Dartz and his gang must’ve taken over the place by now. :'''Seto Kaiba''': The only way we can process these images fast enough is by using computer system, so we have no choice. :'''Joey''': Say what?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Kaiba has a good point, Joey. :'''Joey''': He does? :'''Yami Yugi''': First, they took Pegasus away… and now they’ve taken over Kaiba's company. Which means we've got to stop these criminals before they make their next move, and we have no time to lose! :'''Seto Kaiba''': Wow… You're more hung ho than I expected. You know, since you lost your title and all. :'''Yami Yugi''': Kaiba, this fight is about so much more than a mere championship dueling title. Don’t you see!? People are getting hurt and the world's in danger! :'''Seto Kaiba''': Hmm. Blah, blah, blah. Don’t you get tired of making the same speech every time you’re faced with a challenge? Stop saving the world and get a hobby. :'''Yami Yugi''': Rebecca, we’ll meet you two at the pier. :'''Rebecca''': 10-4 we’ll see you there. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': Master Dartz. :'''Dartz''': Take a look, Rafael. Your friend wasn't careful. :'''Rafael''': ''[spots at Alister in stone]'' Alister. :'''Dartz''': Don't sound so displeased. He's better off where he is now. Alister's energy, along with our other prisoners', will fuel the great beast. The Pharaoh and his friends will be arriving shortly. I trust you'll give them a warm welcome, Hmm. :'''Rafael''': He won't escaped me this time. <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Seto Kaiba''': ''[to Roland and Fuguta sent a soulless Alister and soulless Rex Raptor to the Hospital]'' Take those two to the medical center. I'm feeling generous. :'''Roland and Fuguta''': Right. :''[The KaibaCorp helicopter takes off to take Alister and Rex to the Hospital.]'' :'''Mokuba Kaiba''': Good luck, guys. :'''Joey Wheeler''': Stay safe. :'''Yami Yugi''': Professor, I'm glad you're alright. :'''Joey''': Me too. Hey, hows was the road trip, guys? :'''Duke''': Could a been better. We hit a pretty big snag on the way. :'''Joey''': Flat tire? :'''Duke''': We ran into Mai and one of those freaks. The one that jumped in and ended your duel. :'''Joey''': That jerk. :'''Duke''': He's really got it in for you, man. and I'm afraid Mai's still on their side too. :'''Joey''': Grr. Just wait until ''I'' find him! :'''Rebecca''': Hey, any word yet on Yugi? We have to find him. If you don't get him back, I'll never forgive you. Plus we need him to fight these guys! :'''Yami Yugi''': I miss Yugi, too. and I promise I will rescue him. You have word. But I need to pay a little visit to KaibaCorp first. :'''Rebecca''': Let me come with you! You'll need some tech support. :'''Seto Kaiba''': Ha! This Isn't some kind of field trip, kid. But I guess you can tag along if you want. :'''Rebecca''': I'm no kid! :'''Seto Kaiba''': Whatever you say, kid. I don't know about you geeks. But I have a company to save. So whoever's coming with me, let's move. :'''Mokuba Kaiba''': OK. :'''Tea''': Good luck and be careful. :'''Yami Yugi''': Right. :'''Tristan''': Alright, Tea. We better tell the police what's going on. The way this is heading we're gonna need all the help we can get. :'''Tea''': Yeah, good point. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Policeman 1''': Why don't you start over and this time try telling the truth? :'''Tea''': Don't you understand? That is the truth. There's a motorcycle gang going around stealing people's souls with a magic card. :'''Policeman 1''': Ha! You kids watched too many cartoons. :'''Tristan''': We're serious. These guys are trying to take over the whole world. :'''Policeman 2''': Really... Tell me something young man... this so called "gang"... do they wear a symbol like this! <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Here I come you creeps! :'''Rebecca''': Hey! Whoa! :'''Duke''': Get back here, Joey! Come on, man, we need a plan first! <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': This is Valon, Go ahead. :'''Rafael''': ''[on radio]'' The Pharaoh's friends are heading your way. :'''Valon''': Good, Then is time for me to show Joey Wheeler who's boss. :'''Rafael''': Valon, wait! :''[Valon turns off the radio and hops on the motorcycle droves off on the way back to the city]'' :'''Valon''': ''I gotta prove me-self to Mai.'' :''[Tristan and Tea saw Joey was running in the streets in the middle of the night]'' :'''Tristan''': Look, Here comes Joey! :'''Tea''': And there he goes. :'''Tristan''': Hey! Come back! You're going the wrong way! :'''Tea''': He's heading straight for the zombie patrol. :'''Tristan''': Go warn the others, Tea! I gotta stop him! ''[rans off]'' :'''Tea''': Tristan! :'''Joey''': ''I'm coming for you, Dartz and I'm not leaving without Yugi and Mai!'' :''[To Be Continued...]'' ===''Fighting for a Friend'' [4.25-29]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Tristan Taylor''': Joey, Come back! I'm wearing the wrong shoes for this! Joey, stop! :'''Joey Wheeler''': ''[stops and spots at the Orichalcos soldier]'' What's that?! :'''Tristan''': Uh, Joey. :'''Joey''': Yeah? :'''Tristan''': Maybe we should start running again. :'''Joey and Tristan''': ''[screaming]'' :'''Tristan''': Hey, stop! :'''Young guy''': You ever here looking both ways?! ''[droves off]'' :'''Tristan''': Hey, Hold on! :'''Joey''': You're going the wrong way! :'''Tristan''': Turn back! :'''Young guy''': ''[spots at the Orichalcos soldier]'' Whoa! Mommy! ''[falls off the motorcycle]'' It's just a dream... It's just a dream. ''[whimping and running away]'' :'''Joey''': See ya! ''[he and Tristan runs off as the Orichalcos soldier chases them]'' We've never out run this thing! :'''Tristan''': Joey! :''[Joey punches the Orichalcos soldier but then it shatters]'' :'''Tristan''': You beat him. :'''Joey''': ''[spots at Valon]'' Actually, I think he did. Hold on! I know you! [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|You're the ''one'' that took Mai!]] :'''Valon''': Right you are, mate! ''[droves turns around away]'' :'''Joey''': Hey! Come back! ''[runs after Valon]'' :'''Tristan''': Joey, Not again! Come back! :'''Joey''': ''[notices a motorcycle]'' This will do the trick. ''[puts the helmet on]'' Now... ''[picks up the motorcycle and hops on]'' Time to chase him down and save Mai! ''[droves off to chase Valon.]'' :'''Tristan''': Are you nuts?! ''[confused]'' I guess so. He's riding right into a trap. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': ''[chucking]'' Keep fighting, my soldiers. We must continue to collect the souls of man and beast, Until we have amassed enough power to rebuild Atlantis. ''[evil laughing]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Meanwhile Tristan was running a middle of the streets looking for Joey.]'' :'''Tristan''': Joey! Where are you?! ''[Mai’s motorcycle light appears towards him]'' Is that you Joey? :'''Mai Valentine''': ''[takes her bike helmet off]'' Not quite but I am looking for him. :'''Tristan''': Look, Mai… :'''Mai''': Save it, Dweeb! ''I'' know ''you’re'' his babysitter so where is ''he?!'' :'''Tristan''': How should ''I know?!'' One of ''your'' little pals forced him into a game of ''cat and mouse'' and now ''he's'' gone! :'''Mai''': ''[gasps]'' It’s Valon! :'''Tristan''': This is all your fault, Mai! ''[Mai puts her helmet on]'' ''You’re'' the one who got Joey into this mess in the first place! :'''Mai''': Out of my way! ''[drove off]'' :'''Tristan''': Hey! '''Get back here!''' The last thing ''he'' needs right now is '''''you!''''' ''[Mai ignores him and he growls]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': Here we are, old chum. Glad you could make it. Now let's get down to business, shall we? :'''Joey Wheeler''': Look, pal I want Mai back. :'''Valon''': Then why chase me? She happens to have a mind of her own, you know. :'''Joey Wheeler''': ''She'' did. At least... ''She'' did before ''you'' guys brainwashed ''her!'' :'''Valon''': You don't get it, mate. No one was brainwashed! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Huh? :'''Valon''': Mai chose to join ''our'' side with her own free will. And do you want to know why? She was sick of taking a back seat while you got all the fame! Then I stepped in and changed all that. :'''Joey Wheeler''': You messed with her head, that's what you did! She was the one of my best friends! But the last time I saw her she was saying things that Mai never would have said. :''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#My_Freaky_Valentine|he and Mai's duel she chose to join Dartz's team]] flashback ends.]'' :'''Valon''': Wake up, Wheeler! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Who do you think you are!? and what do you what with me? You better start Explain yourself, now!? :'''Valon''': Okay, look, the name's Valon, I led you here to get rid of you for good, 'cause Mai ''can't'' be happy with you around! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Huh? and what does that mean? :'''Valon''': You're a constant reminder of what here life used to be, and Mai whats to forget all that! But as long as you still exist in this world, she be never be able to forget! So, I'm here to erase you for good! ''[thinking]'' ''Plus, I know that deep down, Mai still loves you. and I can't have that!'' So, what do you say, Wheeler? Do we have ourselves a duel or not? Not that I'm giving you much of a choice! ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' :'''Joey Wheeler''': You know what, Valon, I never back down from a challenge especially when I'm fighting for a friend! Now let's duel! ''[their life points to 4000, Joey and Valon's duel begins]'' You're going down, My move. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': ''[panting]'' All right. I'm officially lost. ''[panting]'' Phew. I guess I can pretty much forget about finding Joey now. ''[but the Orichalcos soldier behind him]'' Huh? ''[Orichalcos soldier roaring]'' AHHH! YOU AGAIN?! ''[gulp]'' Hi, remember me? :'''Duke''': Huh? ''[stop the car]'' Tristan! :'''Mokuba''': What's going on? :'''Tea''': Maybe we should get someone else behind the wheel. :'''Duke''': Tristan needs our help, Look! :'''Tea''': ''[looks at Tristan with Orichalcos soldier]'' Oh no! :'''Tristan''': Come on! I’m taking whatever you got! :'''Yami Yugi''': Go, Celtic Guardian! :''[Celtic Guardian attacks Orichalcos soldier]'' :'''Tristan''': Huh? :'''Yami Yugi/Téa/Rebecca''': Tristan! :'''Duke''': Hey! Are you alright?! :'''Tristan''': Huh? ''[sees The Pharaoh, Téa, Duke and Rebecca running towards him]'' Thanks, Pharaoh. You came in the nick of time. Of course, I could have taken him myself. :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm afraid the only thing that would have been taken is your soul had we arrived any later. :'''Tristan''': I know, so those things are working for Dartz. :'''Téa''': Hey, Where's Joey? I thought you guys were together? :'''Tristan''': We were, Until he decided to hop on some guy's motorcycle and take off after one of Dartz's little flunkies. :'''Duke''': ''[shocked]'' You're kidding! :'''Rebecca''': Oh no! Was it Valon? :'''Tristan''': Who? :'''Duke''': It's Valon. He's the young guy that Rebecca and I dueled. :'''Téa''': Is that a bad thing? :'''Rebecca''': Not only does [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Deck of Armor|Valon have a thing against Joey]], but he's got a deck full of monsters I've never seen before. :'''Yami Yugi''': Let's go. We have to find Joey before it's too late. :'''Seto Kaiba''': That chump's gonna have to wait 'cause we've got bigger problems. :'''Yami Yugi''': What do you mean? :'''Seto Kaiba''': Look around you! ====Part 2==== :'''Joey Wheeler''': No, Not that! :'''Valon''': Well, looks like you're starting to catch on, mate. I play the Seal of Orichalcos! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': We’re just getting started. By the end of this duel, you’ll be begging for mercy. Then your old buddy Mai will see what a pathetic chump you really are, and hopefully she’ll realize why she walked out on you in the first place so she can move on already! :'''Joey''': Watch it, Valon! :'''Valon''': Look, mate… All I’m watching out for is myself! And right now, the best thing for me is to get rid of you! 'Cause as long as you’re around, Mai's gonna be obsessed with dueling you. :'''Joey''': Hmm? :'''Valon''': That’s right. Since your last duel, all she talks about is a rematch. But I can’t let Mai put herself in that kind of danger again… So I got to you first. You see Wheeler, I’m not such a bad guy. We both what the same thing. We want Mai to be happy. :'''Joey''': Come on, Valon… Get real. Ha. If you really wanted Mai to be happy… You wouldn’t have brainwashed her in the first place! :'''Valon''': I told you, ''She'' chose to join us! :'''Joey''': No way! I know Mai, and ''she'' never would have walked out on us like that. Not unless someone messed with her head! And if you asked me, This Dartz guy is messing with all of your ''heads!'' :'''Valon''': Hmm? :'''Joey''': That orichalcos card ''he'' gave you has evil magic in it, and it makes everyone who holds it go nuts! :'''Valon''': Are you done? If you are, then allow me to tell you the truth. That orichalcos card did more for Mai than you ever could. She was weak, and it made her strong! She was lost, and it showed her the way! :''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|Dartz joins Mai to part of Doma organization]], Dartz welcoming Mai.]'' :'''Dartz''': Welcome to our family, Miss Valentine. Now go, and remember the Orichcalos is always with you. :''[Mai went to see Valon outside]'' :'''Valon''': So, how's it feel? You've got what you always wanted. :'''Mai''': Look, I appreciate you taking me here... ''[holds up "The Seal of Orichalcos" card]'' But don't think this means I owe you anything. :'''Valon''': What? :'''Mai''': I do things my way. And I have no interest in being part of some team, Valon. I already made that mistake once and you know where it got me?Absolutely Nowhere. So, no, thanks. :'''Valon''': ''[chuckles]'' I know what you mean. You and I are exactly the same, Valentine. :'''Mai''': Hmm? :'''Valon''': We're both loners. But you have to admit... Sometimes it's not all that fun. :''[Then [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#The_Creator_Returns|After she tooked Pegasus' soul]], she has a long face]''. :'''Valon''': Why the long face, Mai? You just accomplished your first mission with flying colors. :'''Mai''': Yeah, I know, Valon. But defeating Maximilion Pegasus meant nothing to me. :'''Valon''': Huh? :'''Mai''': There's only one person out there I need to take apart, and that chump is Joey Wheeler. :''[flashback ends]'' :'''Valon''': Mai can’t stand the sight of you. And neither can I, mate. So I plan to take you down for her. Once you’re out of the picture, she can move on to bigger and much better things. Like teaming up with me and leaving behind her past once and for all! :'''Joey''': No way, Valon. Mai would never want to get rid of me after what we’ve been through. We’re friends! ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 1)#Keith's Machination|Joey and Mai inside the castle at Duelist Kingdom]]. flashback ends]'' Mai has nothing in common with you. So she may be a little rough around the edges and she can have an attitude every once in a while, but she’d never join up with a bunch of low-lives who have some crazy plan to take over the world. :'''Valon''': We’ll just see. :'''Joey''': Whatever you guys did to her… I’m gonna undo as soon if I’m gonna win this… so why do we moved on! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': I know Valon's around here somewhere and I have to stop this duel now. I better be too late 'cause I’m gonna make Wheeler pay for what he did to me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': Let's try this again. ''[typing the laptop]'' Come on... ''[groans]'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': Hey! Any luck in there, Rebecca? :'''Tea Gardner''': You've asked five times. She's working as fast as she can. :'''Duke Devlin''': Aren't ''you'' the one who told us to have faith? :'''Tristan Taylor''': Why don't ''you'' get off my back, Duke! Joey's in trouble, and it we don't move fast things could get even worse! :'''Tea Gardner''': Take it easy, Tristan. :'''Tristan Taylor''': I can't, Tea! Don't you guys see that this whole thing is my ''fault''!? :'''Yami Yugi''': No, Tristan. :'''Tristan Taylor''': When Joey and I got [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#On_the_Wrong_Track|separated from you guys]], ''he'' told me about his plan, and I should have talked to him out of it then. :''[Flashes back to Joey and Tristan carry Rex Raptor on the railway tracks to find Tea and the Pharaoh, but Joey long face.]'' :'''Joey Wheeler''': I just figured it all out. :'''Tristan Taylor''': Figured what out? What are you talking about, Joey? :'''Joey Wheeler''': Why [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|Mai teamed up with those low-lives]]. It's 'cause I was a terrible friend. I let her down. :'''Tristan Taylor''': That's crazy. :'''Joey Wheeler''': But it's true. If Dartz maybe the one that brainwashed her. But I'm the one that drove her away in the first place. Now I gotta go and set things straight by finding these guys and breaking that spell! :'''Tristan Taylor''': But how? ''[confused]'' Aw, man. :''[cuts back to the present]'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': What was I thinking?! How could I let him do this?! :'''Tea Gardner''': Joey's got a mind of his own, Tristan. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' ''Let's just hope he's using with his legendary dragon the Claw of Hermos.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': My move! ''[draws the card]'' Look out! Now we’re taking. Let’s see stand up to this guy! ''[holds up the "Claw of Hermos" card]'' :''[To Be Continued…]'': ====Part 3==== :'''Tristan''': I can't wait around anymore! ''[grunting]'' Joey needs our help and ''he'' needs it now! :'''Téa''': Tristan, you must chill. :'''Duke''': Téa's right, Tristan. Without Kaiba's tracking system we have no hope of finding him. :'''Tristan''': Am I the only one here who understands what's going on? Joey may be losing his soul as we speak. Let's go! :'''Téa''': I didn't think of it like that. Maybe we should go. :'''Yami Yugi''': Not yet. We have to have faith that Rebecca can find him. Until then I know Joey can take care of himself. He's been in tough situations before. :'''Téa''': Not this tough. :'''Rebecca''': Hey, I did it! I finally found Joey. If this read out's right, Joey's not far, guys. :'''Yami Yugi''': All right, I'll takes this and track him down. You move the trailer to a safer place. :'''Tea''': Not so fast Pharaoh. ''[Pharaoh stops and looks at Tea and Tristan]'' You're not going alone. :'''Tristan''': That's right. We're all this together. :'''Yami Yugi''': I guess You've made up your minds. ''[smile]'' Thank you. Now let's go. :'''Rebecca''': Ahem. :'''Yami Yugi''': Rebecca, You stay here. Duke, can you keep an eye on them until we get back. :'''Duke''': You got it. :'''Rebecca''': No, I want to go, too. Come on, Grandpa. :'''Arthur''': Uh-uh We've got our own work to do. We need your talents back here. :''[Rebecca sighs]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Rebecca, as soon as Joey safe, we'll find Yugi. :'''Rebecca''': Promise me he's all right. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi's going to be just fine. I promise. Please, trust me. :'''Duke''': Come on, man, you don't have a second to lose, so go kick some butt and take names. :'''Yami Yugi''': Well, that's one way to put it. :'''Tristan''': Let's chit-chat later, OK. :'''Rebecca''': Good luck with everything. :'''Yami Yugi''': You, too. :'''Arthur''': If you need us, just call. :'''Yami Yugi''': Right. :''[They ran off together to find Joey]'' :'''Arthur''': Don't worry, Rebecca. ''[Rebecca looks at her grandfather]'' Yugi will be back here safe and sound in no time at all. :'''Rebecca''': But how do you know? :'''Arthur''': Because I believe in the Pharaoh, and you should too. :'''Rebecca''': Fine. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': ''[thinking]'' You're mine, Wheeler. <hr width="50%"/> :''[When Mai showed up and found Valon in the duel with Joey]'' :'''Valon''': Hey, Mai! You're just in time to catch the end of the greatest duel ever played. :'''Mai''': ''[takes off her helmet]'' You and I had a deal, remember!? Joey Wheeler's mine! ''[Orichalcos blocks her]'' Ah! :'''Joey''': Mai, no! :'''Mai''': Look, you've done enough, so why don't you take a hike and let me finish this!? :'''Valon''': Sorry, no can do. :'''Mai''': Huh? :'''Valon''': I'm having way too much fun out here to stop now. Plus this duel is no place for you. :'''Mai''': Why's that? :'''Valon''': There's too much at stake. I won't let you risk losing everything you have. That's why I challenged Joey Wheeler in the first place to protect you. I wanted to get rid of him so you'd be able to move on with your life, and that's exactly what I'm gonna do. :'''Joey''': Guess what, Mai. I'm fighting for same reason. :'''Valon''': Then let's get on with it! Shall we? I can't wait to see what you play next. :'''Joey''': You're gonna have to wait, Valon, 'cause I play one card face down and end my turn. :'''Valon''': Big mistake, pal. ====Part 4==== :''[Joey and Valon were engaged in an armored standoff in the middle of the Oricalchos field]'' :'''Joey''': It's time to activate Big Bang Dragon Blow's special effect! ''[Joey tributes Red-Eyes Black Dragon to make Big Bang Dragon Blow supercharged]'' By sacrificing my Red-Eyes, I made my armored fist even more powerful! Now it's able to destroy all your monsters and subtract their strength from your Life Points! ''[Big Bang Dragon Blow builds up pressure against Valon and Joey sends Valon flying away from the center and destroying his Armor monsters]'' :'''Valon''': ''[skids to a halt]'' You did it. You won. ''[panting and making his Life Points drop to 0]'' Congratulations. Goodbye. :'''Mai''': ''[gasps]'' It's my fault. :'''Valon''': Don't be silly, Mai. I caused my own downfall. I thought if I won I could make you forget about Joey Wheeler. But now I understand why he meant so much to you. The guy's got heart. :'''Mai''': Valon, wait. :'''Valon''': Hey Joey, It's up to you now, Saved Mai. :'''Mai''': Valon! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Great Leviathan... I sense the arrival of powerful soul. Let's see who, shall we? ''[spots at Valon in stone]'' Well... look what the orichalcos dragged in. My former employee. Now it's Miss Valentine's turn to send me a soul... or to give up her own. ''[evily laughter]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mai hold Valon's lifeless body, her eyes full of tears]'' :'''Mai''': Valon. Come back... Valon. :'''Joey''': It's too late. The Orichalcos has him now. ''[Mai remembers to flashbacks to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Deck of Armor|what Valon said]] flashback ends]'' Hey, Mai... We'll get him back. :'''Mai''': How could he do this? Valon's the one who told me you have to duel for yourself. Then he turns around and fights you to protect me? How pathetic. Hmm. He deserved this. :'''Joey''': What? Look, Mai, Valon realized what ''he'' told ''you'' was wrong. ''He'' found out what dueling is really about determination and heart. :'''Mai''': Hmm. :'''Joey''': He fought like a true duelist today. :'''Mai''': I thought you wanted to destroy him. :'''Joey''': Hold on, Mai, Valon may have annoyed me... but no one deserves to have their soul taken away and then held captive by some power-hungry psychopath! I don't care who they are! :'''Mai''': Ha. :'''Joey''': You know what, Mai... ''I'' realize something now. As long as that Orichalcos thing has control over your mind, I'll never be able to talk any sense into you! As a matter of fact, the only way I can save you at this point is to duel you! So, what do you say!? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': I see. So you beat this loser and now it's gone to your head? :'''Joey''': It isn't like that, Mai. :'''Mai''': Why else would you be dumb enough to challenge me a duel? You should have learned your lesson from our last match. :'''Joey''': The only way I can get through to you… is by dueling you! :'''Mai''': If you say so. ''[activates her chaos duel disk]'' :'''Mai and Joey''': Let's duel! ''[their life points to 4000]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': Finally, you're giving me a ''real'' challenge… but you're gonna have to do better than that! 'Cause before my Aero Nail goes to the graveyard, it's transferring its power to my other Harpie! :'''Joey''': Fine! I place one card facedown! Give me your best shot! :'''Mai''': You're pretty confident for someone who's about to lose! Now, stand back! My move! I drew it. :'''Joey''': Oh, no! :'''Mai''': Yup! The Seal of Orichalcos! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': We're both locked in the Seal and only ''one'' of us will escape! No one can come to your rescue now. It's just you, me, and the most powerful magic card that's ever been created! :'''Joey''': I know. I was expecting this. ====Part 5==== :'''Téa''': We gotta find him! :'''Tristan''': Joey! Where are you, man?! :'''Téa''': Hey are you down there?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Joey! Answer us?! :'''Téa''': Hello?! :'''Tristan''': I could swear that Orichalcos thing activated right here. :'''Téa''': Me, too. So why isn't it here now? Unless we're too late! :'''Tristan''': Don't say that, Téa! :'''Yami Yugi''': Hang in there, Joey! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Congratulations. You win. :''[Collapses from exhaustion]'' :'''Mai''': Joey, no! You're wrong. I never attacked so you didn't lose the duel. :'''Joey''': But, I'm too exhausted... to finish. :'''Mai''': I won't let the Orichalcos take you away, Joey. :'''Joey''': It's too late for that. I already lost the duel, so there's no turnin' back. I'm just glad that if one of us had to lose our soul, it didn't have to be you, Mai. :'''Mai''': Don't say that. :'''Joey''': Hey, Mai, that was one of the greatest duels I ever fought. Thank you. :''[His spirit is taken by the Seal, leaving Mai horrified]'' :'''Mai''': Joey! NO! :''[The fragment of the Orchicalcos on her [[w: choker |choker]] shatters]'' :'''Dartz''': She's been set free! ''[spots at Joey Wheeler in stone]'' Ah! But what's this? It seems miss Valentine has served her purpose. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mai hold Joey's lifeless body, her eyes full of tears]'' :'''Mai''': Joey, wait! SNAP OUT OF IT! This is all my fault! I was angry and confused, and I blamed all my loneliness on you! So I tried to get rid of you. How could I be so selfish? You're the only one who ever cared about me. ''[sobbing]'' You're the closest friend I ever had, and how did I repay you? By leaving you for a madman who promised me power. ''[grabs the Claw of Hermos card]'' I'll make him regret the day he ever met Mai Valentine! ''[she hops the motorcycle droves off back to Paradius leaving Joey behind next to Valon.]'' ''The only way to fix this is to meet Dartz face to face.'' :''[Mai arriving back to Paradius headquarters and looks up]'' :'''Mai''': Here goes nothing. :''[?]'' :'''Mai''': Hey Dartz! Is that you? :'''Rafael''': Guess again, Mai. :'''Mai''': Rafael! What do you want!? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Pharaoh, Tristan and Tea arrives and they found a soulless Joey.]'' :'''Tristan''': ''[shocked]'' No way! :'''Tea''': What happened? :'''Yami Yugi''': He lost the duel. :'''Tea''': Wait, Does that mean? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes his soul belongs to Dartz now. ===''Grappling with a Guardian'' [4.30-32]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Téa''': Joey, please say something? :'''Yami Yugi''': I don't think he can hear us. :'''Téa''': Then it's true. The Orichalcos took his soul. :'''Tristan''': When I get my hands on the person who did this to Joey, they're gonna wish they were never born! Wake up, man. :'''Téa''': Who did do this? ''[she looks at the soulless Valon]'' 'Cause by the looks of Valon, I have to say it wasn't him. So Tristan what's going on here? :'''Tristan''': Don't you see Tea? Joey must have defeated Valon and then Mai showed up. ''She'' did this to him. I'm sure of it! :'''Téa''': How could she? :'''Tristan''': Easily. She couldn't wait to get rid of Joey. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's true, Tristan, However, There's only one person we can really blame for all of this, and I think you know who I mean. He hides safely in his fortress while others do his dirty work. Well, not anymore. ''[rans off]'' :'''Téa''': Pharaoh, Wait! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' This all ends now, Dartz. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': ''[voice-over, evilly laughing]'' We've been expecting you, Pharaoh. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Pharaoh looks at soulless Mai in the elevator]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[gasps]'' Mai? Mai, say something. She must have been in a duel, and it appears she lost both the duel and her soul belongs to Dartz now. I must put an end to this. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': Well, It's about time you showed up for our rematch. :'''Yami Yugi''': This doesn't concern you, Rafael. I'm here to see Dartz. Is your master so much of a coward that he sent you to do his battles for him? :'''Rafael''': Not quite. You owe me something. But first. ''[holds a card and he catches the card to the Pharaoh]'' Why don't you take this? :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[spots the Claw of Hermos card]'' It's the Claw of Hermos. Joey's card. So you're the one who defeated Joey, aren't you? :'''Rafael''': Actually, Mai beat Joey, then ''I'' defeated her. :'''Yami Yugi''': But why? Wasn't Mai on ''your'' side? :'''Rafael''': I never trusted her, and turns out I was right all along. ''[Flashback to his and Mai's duel inside Paradius; voice-over]'' After she took [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fighting for a Friend|Joey's soul]], ''she'' turned on us. :'''Mai''': I've had it with your ridiculous world domination mumbo jumbo and I want out! It's time for Dartz to answer for what ''he'' made ''me'' do to Joey. Let's see how ''he'' likes it when the orichalcos captures ''him!'' :'''Rafael''': You sure you don't wanna take that back? Dartz isn't exactly known for his sense of humor. :'''Mai''': So? :'''Rafael''': Then you leave me no ''choice.'' It's my duty to protect him, so goodbye to your soul. ''[activates his chaos duel disk and Mai activates her chaos duel disk, voice-over]'' Biggest mistake she ever made. :''[Rafael defeats Mai and she screaming as the orichalcos claims her soul away.]'' :'''Mai''': Joey! I'm sorry, I tried my best. ''[collapses and drops the Claw of Hermos card.]'' :'''Rafael''': ''[voice-over]'' Unfortunately, her best wasn't good enough. :''[the flashback ends]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': This madness has to stop. Just think of how many innocent lives have been destroyed. You may be next. :'''Rafael''': Do you think I really care? I made a commitment to help Master Dartz save the planet from crumbling at the hands of people like you, and if keeping my promise means giving up my own soul, well, then so be it, 'cause even if I'm captured, I'll be doing my part by giving the Great Leviathan the strength it needs to restore peace to the world once again. :'''Yami Yugi''': Wake up, Rafael! Can't you see that your so-called Master Dartz is just using you to satisfy his own selfish needs? If you really what to save the world, then stop fighting me and join my side. :'''Rafael''': As soon as the great beast is revived, I'm afraid your side will no longer exist, Pharaoh, and all it needs to get started is one more strong soul. :'''Yami Yugi''': Oh no. It's true. :'''Rafael''': You better believe it. as we speak, the Great Leviathan lurks in the shadows all over the earth. And as soon as I defeat you, your life energy will be offered to the beast, giving it the strength it needs to fully cross over into our world. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Tristan and Tea running the streets Tristan carried Joey]'' :'''Tristan''': Why did the Pharaoh take off liked that? :'''Téa''': He must've gone after Dartz for what happened to Yugi. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': As we speak, the most devastating creature that ever lived is waiting to rise again. All it needs now is your soul, and the Sacred Seal of Orichalcos will take care of that once I take you down. Of course, ''I'' already defeated you once, but somehow you were able to cheat me by switching places with someone else. ''[Flashes back to [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Fate_of_the_Pharaoh|their last duel as the Seal took Yugi]].]'' Don't even think about trying to pull a stunt like that gain, Pharaoh. I don't appreciate being lied to, and besides, there's no one for you to hide behind this time, 'cause now it's just you and me. The winner leaves a free man. The loser becomes a prisoner to the beast! :'''Yami Yugi''': You're on! If that's what it takes to set my friends free, then let's duel! And once you're out of my way, I can go straight for Dartz! It's just a shame that a duelist with your talents has to throw it all away by following a madman. :'''Rafael''': Look, Master Dartz opened me up the truth and made me who I am today. You're just jealous because you don't have one of these, right? ''[holds up the Seal of Orichalcos card]'' Well, not anymore, anyway. :'''Yami Yugi''': You can't tempt ''me'' with that again, Rafael. :'''Rafael''': I wasn't planning on it, but you can have one last look at it while you shuffle my deck… for old time's sake. :'''Yami Yugi''': I know what you're trying to do, and it won't work. I won't give in to my dark side! :'''Rafael''': We'll see about that. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' I must stay true to my heart, no matter what he tries to do. :''[The two shuffle their decks]'' :'''Rafael''': May the best man win...and when I do, you'll be gone forever. I'm gonna enjoy this. :'''Pharaoh and Rafael''': Time to Duel! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' I'm surprised he didn't play the Seal of Orichalcos right away. Perhaps he's toying with me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': Now I play Butterfly Dagger. This weapon gives my Backup Gardna 300 extra attack points. It also allows me to summon my Guardian Elma. :'''Yami Yugi''': I've never seen that Guardian monster. :'''Rafael''': There are plenty of monsters in my deck you've never seen, and this one lets me bring my Guardian Shield back from the graveyard. And I'll give it to Guardian Elma. Plus, my Backup Gardna's special ability transfers my Butterfly Dagger to Guardian Elma. Now, Guardian Elma… attack his Queen's Knight! Guardian Grarl, it's your turn now! Attack his King's Knight with Gravity Axe! What now, Pharaoh? What puny knight stands between me and your Life Points? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' He gave up his own strength to save his monster! ''[speaking]'' I'll place two cards face down and end my turn. ''[thinking]'' I've never come across a duelist like him before. He refuses to let any of his monsters go to the card graveyard. He protects them at all costs! Why would a duelist like this hold a card like the Seal of Orichalcos? ''[speaking]'' Rafael, don't you understand what's going on here? As long as you're loyal to Dartz, you'll never be true to yourself. You have too much respect for your cards to use them for such an evil purpose. But Dartz has brainwashed you into believing you're someone else! :'''Rafael''': The only thing Master Dartz did was open my eyes to the truth. :'''Yami Yugi''': You're ''wrong!'' :'''Rafael''': This world is an evil place, and ''you're'' part of the problem. So I'm here to fix that. And thanks to my master, I have just the tool to do it. Now, I play the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Yami Yugi''': NO, RAFAEL! PLEASE, DON'T! :'''Rafael''': Sorry, Pharaoh, it's too late for that now. Your fate is sealed! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Téa''': Hey look guys. It's Mai. :'''Mokuba''': ''[looks at soulless Mai]'' Oh, man. Don't tell me you guys she lost her soul too. :'''Tristan''': I don't mean to sound insensitive, but who's carrying her? :'''Yami Yugi''': You're making a mistake! RAFAEL! NO! ====Part 2==== :'''Rafael''': This time the Seal belongs to me! :'''Yami Yugi''': What were you thinking, Rafael? Now one of us is going to lose his soul. :'''Rafael''': That's the whole point, Pharaoh. The Great Leviathan needs power, and once I take you down and capture your soul, that legendary creature will have the strength it needs to awaken. :'''Yami Yugi''': We'll see. :'''Tristan''': That's the same guy who beat Yugi last time! :'''Seto Kaiba''': ''[shocked]'' What?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': It's time to bring out my ultimate monster, but first I'll play this card, Celestial Sword - Eatos! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' The Sword of Eatos? This can only mean one thing: he's about to summon Guardian Eatos! :'''Rafael''': Now I'll draw two cards. The time has come to play the card that beat you last time. It's my Guardian Eatos! :'''Yami Yugi''': I have to act quickly! With 500 Life Points left, I don't have much time! ''[Guardian Eatos soon becomes infected by the darkness of the Orichalcos]'' Look what you've done to your Guardian! It's been consumed by darkness! :'''Rafael''': Exactly, and it's more powerful than ever now. Nothing can stop it. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Guardian Eatos tries to destroy Yugi's Dark Magician with her Celestial Sword and it breaks, cutting her attack points back to 3000]'' :'''Rafael''': ''[shocked]'' Say what?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Allow me to clear things up for you. A few moments ago, I sent three monsters to my graveyard, one of which saved me. That card was this, my Electromagnetic Turtle! When this monster was destroyed, it created an electromagnetic barrier, shielding my magician from your attack. :'''Rafael''': No way. He had that planned all along! :'''Tristan''': In your face, meathead! :'''Rafael''': ''[thinking]'' The Pharaoh's gonna pay for mocking the power of my Guardian Eatos. ''[speaking]'' I END MY TURN! :'''Yami Yugi''': Perhaps you should've thought twice before you poisoned your own monsters with the dark powers of the Orichalcos. Take it from someone with experience. Betraying your monsters only backfires in the end. :'''Rafael''': You played the Seal of Orichalcos once and all of a sudden you're an expert of the subject? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': You can't win a duel with defense, Pharaoh. All you're doing is stalling for time. Well, I'm afraid your time's just run out. Eatos, destroy his most valuable monster, the Dark Magician! :'''Tristan''': Oh, no! :'''Téa''': Pharaoh! :'''Mokuba''': Do something! :'''Yami Yugi''': Magical Hats, activate! Hide my monsters! :'''Rafael''': What's going on?! :'''Tristan''': Awesome! Magical Hats shuffled Yugi's monsters so Blondie blasted the wrong one. :'''Mokuba''': That's true, but he gets to attack again, so Yugi's magician's still in danger! :'''Yami Yugi''': All right, one of these three remaining hats is concealing my monster, so go ahead! Hit me with your best shot! :'''Rafael''': ''[thinking]'' Three hats and one monster. I know what I have to do. I'll use Elma to improve my odds, then I'll send Grarl to finish things off. ''[speaking]'' Go, Elma! Find his Dark Magician! ''[Guardian Elma strikes her butterfly dagger at the second hat]'' Now I have a 50-50 shot. Guardian Grarl, attack! :''[Guardian Grarl punches the third hat with his fist, Dark Magician appears from the last hat]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Wrong hat! :'''Rafael''': Oh, no! :'''Yami Yugi''': What a shame. Looks like you used up all of your chances. :'''Rafael''': ''[thinking]'' How could I have messed that up?! I was about to win the duel and capture the Pharaoh! ''[speaking]'' My turn's not over yet! I activate my Rod of Silence! This lets me play another Guardian monster, my all-powerful Guardian Kay'est! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After the Pharaoh destroys Guardian Eatos with his Amulet Dragon, Guardian Dreadscythe appears on the field]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[horrified shock]'' What's that?! :'''Téa''': ''[terrified]'' I've got one word: nasty! :'''Tristan''': Here's four: I'm gonna be sick. :'''Yami Yugi''': For the last time, what is that thing?! :'''Rafael''': I told you-- when Eatos goes to the graveyard, '''''this''''' monster is summoned to the field in its place. So say hello to my Guardian Dreadsycthe! :'''Yami Yugi''': Hello and goodbye. It's no match for my dragon! :'''Rafael''': It will be. First, I'll boost its strength with my Reaper Scythe magic card. Now, for the best part, thanks to its new weapon, my Guardian of darkness gains 500 attack points for every monster in my graveyard. :'''Yami Yugi''': But why? I thought you despised having monsters in your graveyard! :'''Rafael''': But I despise ''you'' even more, so what's a few monsters in the grave if it means destroying you forever? And with only 500 Life Points left, you won't last long. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': I know first-hand what the Oricalchos does to a person's heart and I can help you. Think, when Earls was destroyed, you released your anger on your other monsters. You left the Oricalchos feed on your rage like I did. :'''Rafael''': So? What's your point? :'''Yami Yugi''': That this isn't who you really are. The darkness within you has taken control, and now you must face that darkness head on. It's the only way for you to save yourself. :'''Rafael''': ''You'' need to be saved. :'''Yami Yugi''': If you don't believe my words, then maybe this will convince you! :'''Rafael''': What are you holding? :'''Yami Yugi''': A card that forces you to take a closer look at yourself-- Underworld Circle! :'''Rafael''': What on earth does that do? :'''Yami Yugi''': BEHOLD! It's time to take some responsibility for what you've done, Rafael! Underworld Circle, activate! ====Part 3==== :'''Yami Yugi''': First, I'll use the magic of Underworld Circle to bring my Big Shield Gardna back from the graveyard! Then, I'll activate my Pot of Greed! This let me draw two cards. ''[thinking]'' Excellent. That's just the card I've been waiting for! ''[speaking]'' Time to face what you did… when you betrayed your heart! For now, I activate the magic card, Spider Web, which let me use a card from your graveyard! :'''Rafael''': What's the point of all this? :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm using my Spider Web to bring back your Monster Reborn card. And I'm planning on using it to save you by setting you free from the darkness! :'''Rafael''': Yeah, whatever. :'''Yami Yugi''': I use Monster Reborn to revive a creature that once saved your life and that you in turn, deserted! ''[resurects Guardian Eatos]'' :'''Rafael''': Eatos?! :'''Téa''': What's he gonna do with that card? :'''Mokuba''': Hopefully win. :'''Yami Yugi''': One more thing. ''[thinking]'' Joey… I can only accomplish this with your help. ''[speaking]'' I summon The Claw of Hermos! :'''Tristan''': Hey, Joey! Check it out, man! He just summoned your boy! :'''Yami Yugi''': And now, Hermos and Queen's Knight, combine together to form Goddess Bow! That doubles the attack points of Guardian Eatos! And since Eatos has been removed from your graveyard, your Dreadscythe gets weaker! :'''Rafael''': What are you up to? Our monsters are even now. So if you attack, they're both destroyed. But mine comes back! :'''Yami Yugi''': We'll see about that! I have a few more surprises planned! Eatos attack his Dreadscythe, NOW! I activate the special ability of my Goddess Bow! Now every time your Dreadscythe revives itself, Eatos can attack again! :'''Rafael''': No! :'''Yami Yugi''': And don't forget, with each attack, you lose another card! :'''Mokuba''': Of course! If Rafael runs out of cards, his monster can't come back! :'''Yami Yugi''': The dark flame of your Dreadscythe is now extinguished. ===''A Duel with Dartz'' [4.33-38]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Rafael''': Go! Hurry! Stop him! Stop Dartz! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Yes come home my children. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': Dude, what's with all these people chiseled in stone? :'''Téa''': They're just any people! Take a look! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[spots at Yugi, Joey, Mai, Pegasus, Weevil, Rex, Alister, Valon and all many people in stone]'' Oh, no! There's Mai and Weevil! :'''Tristan''': This must be everyone who lost their soul! :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi! :'''Dartz''': ''[voice-over]'' What a touching reunion. Too bad your friends turned out to be a bunch of stiffs. ''[laughing evilly and reveals himself from fire]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Dartz! :'''Dartz''': You were expecting someone else? Well, due to the carelessness of my employees, ''I'm'' the only one left. You can't find good help these days. :'''Kaiba''': Look, I want my company back, so can the small talk! :'''Dartz''': Is that so? Well, guess what? We all want something. As for me, I want your souls for my wall. I even have the spot picked out. :'''Kaiba''': Save it, Dartz! It'll take a lot more than a few party tricks to scare me! :'''Yami Yugi''': Now, for the last time, release our friends! :'''Dartz''': That's not possible. :'''Yami Yugi''': What do you mean? :'''Dartz''': I mean they've already been put to use. As we speak, their life energy supplies to the most devastating creature that ever lived. :'''Téa''': Oh, great. Now, what? :'''Dartz''': My 10,000 year old collection is almost complete. Once I get you two, the beast can rise. :'''Yami Yugi''': Hold on! You've been collecting souls for all those years?! Do you know how many lives you've destroyed?! :'''Dartz''': ''[snickers evilly]'' Millions! And each one of them deserved their fate! Take a moment to look around, won't you? Some of my favorite conquests are in this very room. And since it's taken me millennia to complete, it's quite the history lesson. :'''Tea''': He's right. Look at the outfits on these guys. :'''Mokuba''': So some of these people lived in the past? :'''Dartz''': Now you're catching on. Ever since the Great Leviathan was laid to rest, I've been gathering the energy necessary to fuel its rebirth. :'''Kaiba''': Come on, you expect us to believe that junk? :'''Dartz''': Ye of little faith. Just duel me and I promise I'll make a believer out of you, For when you lose, there will be no denying my power. :'''Kaiba''': Then let's stop talking and start dueling. :'''Yami Yugi''': You can't, Kaiba-- not alone. This lunatic is far too dangerous. :'''Dartz''': So why don't you join him? And when I defeat you, I'll get two souls for the price of one! :'''Yami Yugi''': All right. Ready, Kaiba? :'''Kaiba''': I'm way ahead of you. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Meanwhile… Rafael puts a soulless Valon on the back of the jeep along a soulless Mai on front seat]'' :'''Rafael''': Don't worry, I'll save you both. Mark my words, Dartz is gonna pay. <hr width="50%"/> :''[After the Pharaoh and Kaiba summon Blue-Eyes White Dragon and Black Luster Soldier, both monsters with 3000 attack points]'' :'''Mokuba''': All right! Dartz better watch out! They just summoned two major league monsters on their first turn! :'''Dartz''': Those pathetic creatures may work in your little card tournaments, but I'm afraid ''I'' play a completely different game-- a game in which the winner takes ALL, and the loser pays the ultimate price! This card was born from the darkness itself! ''[echoes]'' Behold, a power that has existed since the dawn of time. The very power that shall strip you of your souls! ''[plays the Seal of Orichalcos]'' :'''Kaiba''': Oh, no! :'''Yami Yugi''': The Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Mokuba''': Whoa. Do you feel that? :'''Tristan''': If you mean the sudden drop in temperature and that freaky evil vibe in the air, then yes, I do. :'''Téa''': ''[worried]'' Me too. :'''Dartz''': Now that I've set the tone for this duel, allow me to continue. Watch this… Arise, Orichalcos Gigas! :'''Yami Yugi''': I faced this beast before, and it was almost impossible to destroy, Kaiba. :'''Kaiba''': That's 'cause last time you didn't have me to bail you out. :'''Dartz''': Next, I'll sacrifice 500 of my Life Points. That let's me summon my Orichalcos Kyutora. And, thanks to the Seal, it gets an additional 500 points. All right. I guess that'll do for now. ====Part 2==== :''[Dartz, Yami Yugi, and Kaiba hovering above the city of Atlantis]'' :'''Dartz''': Behold, the lost city of Atlantis and all its glory. Just as it was 10,000 years ago, a perfect civilization or so I thought. Surrounded by oceans as far as the eye could see, we were isolated from the rest of the world. :''[A scene depicts the once glorious city of Atlantis and all of Earth's creatures]'' :'''Dartz''': Our lives were simple, we existed side by side with all of Earth's creatures and we knew nothing of violence. But, then that changed. :''[a meteor shower rains upon Atlantis]'' :'''Dartz''': Darkness ascended upon us and a strange substance rained down from the heavens. A substance that will change our lives. :'''Yami Yugi''': The Orichalcos. :'''Kaiba''': Please tell me that story time is over, I'd like to duel. :'''Dartz''': The tale of my past directly affects the fate of your future. So if I were you, I pay close attention. :''[it seems the city of Atlantis had changed]'' :'''Dartz''': Now thanks to the stones of the Orichalcos, the people of Atlantis needed advancement in technology that were never before imagine. And soon, I ruled over the most highly developed civilization the world had ever known. However, with progress comes greed and eventually violence, I knew what had to be done. But, my father, former king Ironheart had different ideas. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[shocked]'' Ironheart was your father?! But how? :'''Kaiba''': If you ask questions, this ridiculous story is never going to end. :'''Dartz''': That old fool never had what took to be king and on my 21st birthday, he allowed me to take over and filled his unimpressive shoes. So as technology continued to advance and the hearts of my people continued to seek deeper into the darkness. It was up to me to remedy the situation, the citizens of Atlantis were growing more and more selfish. And if I didn't act soon, I would lose complete control, but even I couldn't have imagine what would happen next. :''[The Orichalcos began to show the true nature of the Atlanteans]'' :'''Dartz''': The Orichalcos began to test us, it revealed the truth about who we were. :''[The people of Atlantis are beginning to turn into monsters]'' :'''Dartz''': Those who were wicked on the inside became wicked on the outside. :''[Meanwhile, Iona is struggling]'' :'''Dartz''': Iona, are you all right? :'''Dartz''': Wait, come back! What's going on?! :''[Dartz soon finds out that his beloved wife also turned into a monster]'' :'''Dartz''': Iona! :'''Dartz''': I didn't realize it first, but the true colors of my people were revealed to me that day. :'''Dartz''': But why? Why is this happening? :''[a bright green light appears in the water fountain]'' :'''Dartz''': I couldn't understand how a society as perfect as ours could crumble like this. :''[He picks up an Orichalcos stone]'' :'''Dartz''': But soon the Orichalcos would answer all my questions. The people of Atlantis were evil and I have been chosen to wipe them out and start over again. But I couldn't accomplish such a task on my own, I was but one man so the Orichalcos gave me a gift, something powerful enough to lead my fight against mankind. For deep below the Earth's surface lives the most incredible creature ever lived, the Great Leviathan! And it was mine, and shortly that this great beast will return to finish what it began! :'''Dartz''': I was ready to begin my task of recreating civilization on Earth, but one person stood in my way. :''[A scene where Ironheart, Chris, and Skye are in the throne room]'' :'''Ironheart''': My son, you know what you have to do. Destroy those Orichalcos stones so we can return the light we once knew. :''[Dartz sitting on his throne with a gold eye]'' :'''Dartz''': ''[laughs]'' Do you honestly believe that we can go back to the way things were. It's too late for that, Father. :'''Ironheart''': But, Dartz... :'''Dartz''': The true nature of our people have been exposed. We now know that the citizens of this planet are evil and must be destroy! :'''Ironheart''': What?! :'''Dartz''': You heard me, old man! We should be thanking the Orichalcos for showing us the truth. Not blaming it for the faults of mankind, but this mysterious substance that rained down above us had open up my eyes. Not only has it showed me what's wrong, it's given me the tools to fix it. For now I have the power to awaken a mighty creature known as the Great Leviathan! And by the power of the Orichalcos, this beast will rise up from the depths of the earth and fight by my side! And when I'm through, I shall rebuild civilization! :''[The stones have summoned an army of Orichalcos soldiers]'' :'''Ironheart''': Dartz! What's going on?! :''[Dartz laughs evilly]'' :'''Dartz''': Meet my Orichalcos soldiers! :'''Chris''': ''[scared]'' Grandpa, I'm scared! :'''Dartz''': If you join my side, you have nothing to fear. If not, farewell. :'''Ironheart''': We'll never join you! Never! Let's go, Chris! :''[They escape from the throne room]'' :'''Dartz''': Have it your way. :''[Dartz appears on his balcony and addresses his army]'' :'''Dartz''': The time has come to cleanse the world of its impurities! So arise my children and conquer the people of Earth! And this planet shall be yours! :''[Meanwhile Ironheart, Chris, and Skye are walking from their city and they enter a cave]'' :'''Chris''': What are we going to do, Grandpa? :'''Ironheart''': Your father is under the control of an evil force and he must be stopped. The future of our planet depends on it. Through there, hurry! :''[Chris and Skye suddenly runs through an carving of monsters on the walls]'' :'''Chris''': What's there? Why are those monsters carved in stone? :'''Ironheart''': We've come here to ask for their help. :''[The scene depicts the battle of Atlantis between Dartz's Orichalcos army and Ironheart's army of monsters]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': And so the Battle of Atlantis began! You see my father had opened up a gateway to the Dominion of the Beasts and he used the monsters within to form an army of his own. :'''Yami Yugi''': Tell me, what was the battle's outcome? :'''Dartz''': Neither side were victorious and Atlantis sunk to the bottom of the sea. My father's monster army were scattered around the world and sealed away until they be needed again. The Leviathan was drained of its power and also sealed away. It's taken me 10,000 years to gather the energy necessary to bring it back. All that's left of me to do is to defeat you two in this duel. Then your souls will awaken the Great Leviathan and my plan will finally come to pass. :'''Kaiba''': Hold on! We already defeated you! Our Master of Dragon Soldier should've wipe out the rest of your life points. :'''Dartz''': Perhaps it should have, but I'm afraid it didn't. Your pathetic attack failed short of its target. So this duel is still on. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Orichalcos Gigas, return! :'''Yami Yugi''': I told you, Kaiba. Each time his Gigas is destroyed, it comes back even stronger! :'''Dartz''': Face it, you'll never defeat me! The power of the Orichalcos will swallow you both! Now back to the duel. Since my Gigas returned to me, I can't draw a card. But no matter, everything I need is in my hand. So I'll enhance the power of the Seal with this-- the magic of Orichalcos Deuteros! ''[laughs evilly]'' :'''Kaiba''': What's going on?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Somehow he's made the Seal of Orichalcos stronger! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Dartz activates the Orichalcos Deuteros spell card, adding another layer to the Seal of Orichalcos]'' :'''Dartz''': Gentlemen, welcome to the second level of darkness! :'''Kaiba''': The what?! :'''Yami Yugi''': I don't know how. But Dartz just added another layer to the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Tea''': Right! So what does that mean? :'''Dartz''': The first benefit of my Orichalcos Deuteros, is the addition of 500 Life Points each turn for every monster I have on the field. Therefore, since I have two, that's 1,000 points! :'''Kaiba''': What?! How are we supposed to wipe him out?! :'''Dartz''': You're not. It makes me invincible! Next, I'll attack your Master of Dragon Soldier! Go, my Orichalcos Gigas! :'''Yami Yugi''': Nice try! But my dragon's too strong! :'''Dartz''': Kyutora, absorb ''all'' the damage! ''[chuckles]'' My Life Points are safe. And now, my Gigas returns! :'''Tristan''': That creep! He's letting his Orichalcos Gigas get its butt kicked on purpose, so it can come back stronger! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' That can't be it. His monster would have to be destroyed seven more times before it could defeat my dragon. So there must be more to his plan. Perhaps the secret lies in his Kyutora, and its ability to absorb attack damage. Yes! That creature must have another special ability! :'''Kaiba''': All right, Dartz, my move! ''[thinking]'' As long as that eyesore is on the field, it's pointless to attack his Orichalcos Gigas because Dartz won't lose any Life Points. Plus, Gigas will just come back stronger. But if I attack Dartz directly, I should be able to win the duel! ''[speaking]'' I place one card facedown on the field! And next… I summon my Blade Knight! And since I have only one card left in my hand, Blade Knight gets another 400 attack points! I think that'll do for now. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' He's setting himself up for something. :'''Kaiba''': ''[thinking]'' Yugi better not screw this up for me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kaiba''': Oh, no! That attack was supposed to hit Dartz, not his monster! :'''Yami Yugi''': It's a force field! But how did he create it? :'''Dartz''': By using the second layer of the Seal, of course. Whenever my Life Points are targeted, my Orichalcos Deuteros steps in to defend me. It's simple. ''I'' make a sacrifice so that your monster takes the hit! You know what that means, right? Your dragon just attacked itself! ====Part 3==== :'''Dartz''': So tell me, Gentlemen, what do you think of my newest soldiers? I'm sure there's no need for any introductions. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's not funny, Dartz. :'''Dartz''': Maybe not to you. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's enough. :'''Kaiba''': Just drop the magic act and let's duel. :'''Dartz''': But we are dueling, you insensible twit. We're just doing it by my rules, that's all. Since I now control the souls of your former friends, I thought it would be fun to let them play along with us. :'''Téa''': Leave them alone! :'''Tristan''': What did they do to you?! :'''Dartz''': You should be thanking me. :'''Yami Yugi''': And why's that? :'''Dartz''': I'm giving you one last chance to see your companions. Before their souls are gone forever. :'''Yami Yugi''': You'll never take them away from us, Dartz! :'''Dartz''': That's right, Pharaoh. Let your anger consume you. Feel the darkness within you beginning to spread. The stronger your rage, the more powerful the Great Leviathan will be when it absorbs your soul. Now where we? Ah, yes. Mirror Knight Yugi. It's time to attack your other half. :'''Yami Yugi''': No, Yugi! Fight it! I know you can hear me! :''[Yugi struggles to fight against Dartz's command]'' :'''Dartz''': What's this? My soldier is still loyal to you? How touching. [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Self_Destruction|Even though you turned your back on him, he refuses to seek revenge]]. That will soon change. :'''Yami Yugi''': We'll see. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Kaiba! :'''Kaiba''': Just save it! That second-rate chump has held me back for the last time! Different Dimension Dragon Attack! :'''Yami Yugi''': No! Don't do this! :'''Kaiba''': Too late! :''[Knight Yugi's shield disintegrates]'' :'''Kaiba''': No way! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': You don't look happy to see me, and after all we've been through. Where's the love? Don't answer that. I've heard enough lies from ''you''. The Pharaoh opened me up to the truth. :'''Dartz''': Really? :'''Rafael''': Yeah, really. Thanks to him, [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Grappling_with_a_Guardian|I was able to escape the seal of orichalcos with my soul still intact]] unlike them and everyone else you used. Now set them free before you end up on that wall. :'''Dartz''': Your soul may have been spared, but it sounds like the orichalcos took what was left of your brain. :'''Rafael''': What's that supposed to mean? :'''Dartz''': It means you're more gullible than ever. Do you honestly think the darkness that once controlled you is gone? :'''Rafael''': Yes. The Pharaoh set me free. :'''Dartz''': Did he... Hmm. Or did he just trick you the way you think I did? :'''Rafael''': Stop it! You're messing with my head. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Rafael, You mustn't listen to him. :'''Rafael''': Everything is your fault. ''You'' took ''me'' from my family. :'''Dartz''': I needed your anger, your thirst for revenge. :'''Rafael''': ''[enraged]'' '''YOU RUINED MY LIFE, YOU MONSTER!''' ====Part 4==== :'''Dartz''': It's time to reinforce the sacred Seal with its most powerful layer thus far! Behold the ancient magic of my Orichalcos Tritos! ''[adds a third layer to the Seal of Orichalcos]'' Welcome to level 3, gentlemen. :'''Yami Yugi''': How can the Seal possibly get any stronger?! :'''Dartz''': We're dealing with a force greater than the darkest shadows and older than time itself. Does that answer your question? :'''Mokuba''': Whoa! :'''Téa''': His Life Points are out of control! :'''Dartz''': Orichalcos Malevolence, use your special ability to switch Kaiba's dragon into attack mode! So I'm afraid this is goodbye. With an attack strength of only 1400, your dragon is far too weak to defend your Life Points. :'''Kaiba''': So that means… :'''Yami Yugi''': You lose! :'''Dartz''': Now my beast, bring Kaiba's soul to me! :'''Kaiba''': Wrong! I activate my Shrink card! :'''Dartz''': ''[chuckles and the third layer of the Seal destroys Kaiba's magic card]'' Is it beginning to sink in yet? When used properly, the Seal of Orichalcos is unmatched by any other card in the game! And due to its third layer, your magic and trap cards are useless against me! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Kyutora has ''another'' ability! Whenever it's destroyed, it '''''evolves!''''' :''[Orichalcos Kyutora is destroyed and Orichalcos Shunoros appears]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Oh, no! What's going on?! :'''Kaiba''': What is that?! :'''Dartz''': My little friend is all grown up, so playtime's over! Gentlemen, I'd like you meet Orichalcos Shunoros! :'''Kaiba''': Did you see what I see?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Unfortunately. :'''Téa''': See what? :'''Tristan''': That thing's got 20,000 points! :'''Dartz''': Don't look so surprised. ''You're'' the ones who created this unstoppable beast! You may have destroyed my previous monsters, but you unleashed something far worse! :'''Yami Yugi''': It can wipe us out in one strike! :'''Dartz''': You're absolutely right, but before I do that, I have some more bad news to share. Orichalcos Shunoros, activate your special ability! Release Orichalcos Dexia… and Orichalcos Aristeros! :'''Yami Yugi''': What's the meaning of this?! :'''Dartz''': Allow me to clear things up. Shunoros just released two more creatures. The first one is known as Dexia, and its attack strength is always 300 points higher than the monster it's battling, making it the perfect sword! And the second one is just as strong. It will intercept every one of your attacks and retaliate with a blast that's 300 points greater than the one you fired, making Orichalcos Aristeros the perfect shield! You'll never get past my triple threat! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' Not only is his monster more powerful than Kaiba's dragon… but with Dexia and Aristeros on the front line, our attacks won't even get through! :'''Dartz''': I activate the trap card, Martyr Curse! This forces one of your monsters to engage in a battle with one of my monsters. And as a nasty little side effect, it cancels out any special abilities your creature may have. And since I don't seem to have much of a choice, I'll target your Mirror Force Dragon! Without its reflecting power, your dragon's completely defenseless, which means you're about to be out one soul! Orichalcos Shunoros, remove Kaiba's Life Points so the Orichalcos can remove his spirit! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Kaiba's Wish of Final Effort trap card increases Yugi's Life Points and loses his soul when his Life Points dropped down to zero…]'' :'''Dartz''': Pharaoh, it looks like you're the soul survivor. :'''Yami Yugi''': You disgust me. :'''Dartz''': I'll tell you what. Since I already have what I need... You can keep the rest of him! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Don't worry, Pharaoh. Your friends are fine. I don't need weak souls. I just wanted to spend some quality time with you, one-on-one. Is that so wrong? :'''Yami Yugi''': That's enough! :'''Dartz''': But there's something I think you'll want to know. You and I met 5,000 years ago when you were king of Egypt. We may not have been officially introduced, but I was there watching you. :'''Yami Yugi''': Go on. :'''Dartz''': When the battle of Atlantis ended, I thought the Great Leviathan was gone forever. That is, until I met you. :'''Yami Yugi''': Hold on! What does that evil creature of yours have to do with me?! :'''Dartz''': I thought you'd never ask. Behold the Palace of the Pharaoh in year 3000 B.C.! Ring any bells? Hmm? ====Part 5==== :'''Joey''': Huh? I've had some weird dreams, but this one takes the cake. Wait, hold on. I remember being trapped in a duel, but... how did I end up floating around in here? :'''Yugi Muto''': ''[offscreen]'' Joey? Is that you? :'''Joey''': Yugi! Long time no see! :'''Yugi''': I'm glad you're all right! :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': Please, bubble boy, you call this "all right"? :'''Yugi and Joey''': Pegasus! :'''Pegasus''': If we don't escape soon, we never will! :'''Joey''': Hmm? Where exactly are we, anyway, Huh? ''[spots at Valon, Mai Valentine, Weevil Underwood, Rex Raptor, Alister, Rafael and Seto Kaiba]'' Wait! Everyone in here had their soul captured! This must be where the orichalcos spits you out after you lose a duel! Aah! Calm down. Maybe it is just a dream. Uh... :'''Yugi''': It's no dream. And take a look, Joey. Things are about to get worse! :'''Joey''': What's that!? :'''Pegasus''': Don't you pay attention? That's the Great Leviathan, and it's using human souls for power. :'''Joey''': It's doing what!? But I don't wanna be turned into soul food! :'''Yugi''': We can still get out of this mess if the Pharaoh defeats Dartz! :'''Joey''': Huh? But how see gonna do that? ''[looks at Seto Kaiba]'' Rich boy's with us now. That means.... The Pharaoh's facing Dartz alone out there! :'''Yugi''': Wrong. Kaiba may have been knocked outta the fight... But the Pharaoh's not alone, Joey. :'''Joey''': I'm afraid I don't follow, Yuge. :'''Yugi''': He's still got all of us. Sure, we're not right there next to him, but we've never let that stop us before. :'''Joey''': Yeah, but I don't know if that's gonna work this time, 'Cause Dartz is playin' by a whole new set a rules. and nothing can take down that orichalcos card. :'''Pegasus''': There is one thing that can help. :'''Joey''': Huh? :'''Pegasus''': It's the card I gave him. And if the Pharaoh draws it, He'll be able to unleash a force like no other. :'''Joey''': In this card can beat Dartz? :'''Pegasus''': Yes. You see, it was during a trip to Egypt that I was inspired to create the game of duel monsters after making an astonishing discovery. Ancient kings and sorcerers once performed dark rituals to conjure real monsters. These creatures were believed to have lived in a universe parallel to ours, and guarding the gateway to this dominion of the beasts were three legendary dragons known as Timaeus, Critias, and Hermos. But you already know about them, right? :'''Joey''': Right. :'''Pegasus''': What you don't know is that these dragons aren't what they appear to be. They were buried with a dark secret. So I created a card that unlocks this mystery. :'''Yugi''': I don't get it. What's the secret? :'''Pegasus''': I spent many years scouring the globe trying to find an answer to that very question, Yugi boy. First I searched the microscopic world for the tiniest clues. then I scanned the vast reaches of the universe, and still nothing. Other than on stone tablet hidden deep beneath the sands of Egypt, there was no record of the existence of these dragons. Then it dawned on me. What if these dragons aren't dragons at all? What if they're humans! :'''Yugi''': Humans!? But how is that possible, Pegasus? and what does it have to do with that mystery card you gave to the Pharaoh? :'''Pegasus''': During the battle of Atlantis, Dartz transformed three brave knights into dragons in an effort to weaken them. Now the Pharaoh must restore them to their original form... Before we disappear forever! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': ''[shocked by the Pharaoh's Millennium Puzzle preventing the Orichalcos to take his soul]'' Impossible! No one can overcome the power of the Orichalcos! You should have lost the duel! What's going on?! Why didn't the Seal take your soul?! Tell me! :'''Yami Yugi''': You forced me to gaze inside my heart, thinking I would find only darkness. But you were wrong. :'''Dartz''': Then you gazed in the wrong place! :'''Yami Yugi''': Look, believe what you wish, but I know the truth. My heart is filled with the light of friendship, and no magic can take that away, no matter how strong it is. So, thank you. You reminded me that my friends are always with me. And we're going to win this fight and take you down together! Dartz… It all ends right now! ''[draws and gasps; thinking]'' It's the card Pegasus gave me! I can sense it! :'''Dartz''': Well? Get on with it. :'''Yami Yugi''': Do you know what's in my hand? The key to unlocking the secret of the legendary dragons! :'''Dartz''': ''[gasps]'' What?! :'''Yami Yugi''': You heard me. Legend of Heart! I give up 1,000 Life Points and remove my Obnoxious Celtic Guardian from the field! This lets me summon Critias, Hermos, and Timaeus in their true form! :'''Timaeus''': Finally! After 10 millennia in captivity, we've been set free! :'''Dartz''': No! Not them! :''[The three legendary knights appear in their true forms on Yugi's side of the field]'' :'''Timaeus''': I am he who is named Timaeus! :'''Critias''': And I am… Sir Critias! :'''Hermos''': I am known as… Sir Hermos! :'''Legendary Knights''': In the name of Atlantis… we have been reborn! :'''Dartz''': ''[shocked in disbelief]'' I thought I took care of you centuries ago! ''[The three knights slam their swords onto the ground and destroy the Seal of Orichalcos; horrified]'' What have you done?! My precious Seal is gone! :'''Hermos''': Your ring of darkness is useless in our presence! :'''Critias''': Did you forget our last encounter? :'''Timaeus''': I certainly did not. And I have a score to settle with you! :'''Yami Yugi''': The time has come to weaken your defense! ====Part 6==== <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': You lose, Dartz. Your 10,000 year quest is finally over. :'''Dartz''': It can't be. I've come too close. All I need is one more powerful soul and the Great Leviathan will arise from the depths of the earth. :'''Yami Yugi''': Too little, too late. Your serpent has been destroyed, and with that, our duel come to an end. Now release the souls of my friends and everyone else you've held captive. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Téa''': ''[in tears]'' It is you, Yugi! :'''Yugi''': Téa? :'''Téa''': I thought we'd never see you again! :'''Yugi''': It's good to see you, too. :'''Joey''': All right, Out of my way people. Where's my little buddy? Ha Ha! Yug! Man did I miss this spikey little head. :'''Yugi''': Hey, Joey! :'''Téa''': The gang is back! :'''Tristan''': Don't forget about me! <hr width="50%"/> ===''Rise of the Great Beast'' [4.39-40]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Dark Magician Girl''': Monsters, unite. Without us all hope is lost. We must join forces with the humans! And together we shall defeat the Great Beast. Now go! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': That Leviathan's a goner! It's 3 on 1 up there! :'''Kaiba''': I see you can count! Unfortunately, numbers aren't everything! :'''Yugi''': You can do this, Pharaoh! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': My Leviathan is fueled by the darkness of my prisoners! :'''The Pharaoh''': Wrong, Dartz! I was able to transform the darkness in their hearts to light! A light which now fuels MY beasts! :'''Dartz''': NO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, PHARAOH?!?! :'''Kaiba''': Hey, look! I guess the Gods did pull through! :'''Joey''': Told ya! That means everyone Dartz captured is free! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': I'm back. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi''': Look! It’s the portal that led us here! :'''Joey''': Alright! Home sweet home here we come! <hr width="50%"/> ====Part 2==== :'''Dartz''': Now, Great Leviathan! Crush the Pharaoh with his own darkness! :'''Yugi''': Let him go! :'''Yami Yugi''': No! Get back! :'''Yugi''': Huh? :'''Yami Yugi''': This is my fight now, I must prove that my rage is gone! ''[Yugi gasps flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|Yami Yugi and Rafael's first duel, the Pharaoh activated The Seal of Oricalcos card]]. flashback ends]'' When I played that card, I unlocked the evil in my heart, Ever since then, I’ve been fighting the anger within me, and now it’s destroying me. :'''Yugi''': But you stopped it… Didn’t you? :'''Yami Yugi''': No, Yugi! Listen. Facing you in that duel was a first step, But there’s a long way to go. ''[grunting]'' The darkness… It’s power knows no bounds. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Self Destruction|Yami and Yugi’s duel in the Stone Wasteland]] flashback ends.]'' :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh! Be strong! Focus on the good inside you! Think of your friends! :'''Yami Yugi''': Of course. As long as I’m filled with the light of friendship, Dartz can’t win. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#A Duel with Dartz|their duel]] and flashback ends]'' Thanks to my friends, I have enough light to banish the darkness! So with the power of everyone in my heart, I shall seal you away! '''BE GONE!''' :'''Dartz''': Great Leviathan, vanquish the Pharaoh's spirit for all eternity! :'''Yugi''': Get out while you can! :'''Yami Yugi''': You must trust me! :'''Dartz''': '''NO! THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE!''' :''[?]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Man''': The hurricane, It seens to be gone. :'''Captain''': Are you sure you're reading that thing right? :''[Back at Monument Valley, Duke Devlin, Rebecca and Professor Arthur Hawkins saw dark clouds are lifting out to the skylight.]'' :'''Arthur Hawkins''': The Darkness is Lifting. :''[Back at Atlantis]'' :'''Yugi''': You did it. ''[Yami collapses he helps him]'' Hey, are you all right? :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm fine, Yugi, The Great Leviathan is gone. :'''Yugi''': Yeah. Thanks, pal. It's over now. ''[spots at Dartz]'' But what about Dartz? :''[Dartz wakes up his dark side is gone then the light glow when Ironheart, Chris and Skye appears]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi, Look it's Ironheart, and Chris. :'''Dartz''': Father, Chris, It's you. :'''Chris''': Dad, you're back! :'''Ironheart''': My son, At long last. And you have the great pharaoh to thank. He drove out the evil force that controlled you. :'''Dartz''': Oh. :'''Yami Yugi''': I knew it. Deep down you're a noble ruler, Dartz. :'''Chris''': And a great father! I've missed you so much, Dad. :'''Ironheart''': Your work here is now complete. You may go in place. Great things await you. So return now to your world by stepping through that portal. :'''Yugi''': But what about you? Are you guys gonna be OK? :'''Ironheart''': Yes, For the first time in centuries. :'''Yami Yugi''': Alright, Yugi let's go back home. :''[Pharaoh and Yugi walked toward the portal and looks at Chris, Dartz, Ironheart and Skye and they walked off enter the portal and disappears Chris looks at her father.]'' :'''Chris''': Hey, Dad. We should go too. After all this time, We have a lot of catching up to do. :''[Dartz smiled agreed with his daughter now the Atlantis is going down to the ocean and splashed towards Dartz's lair.]'' :'''Seto Kaiba''': Mokuba! Start the engines! :'''Mokuba Kaiba''': Seto! :'''Seto''': We have to get out of here. :'''Téa Gardner''': Without Yugi? No way. :'''Joey Wheeler''': Eh? :'''Téa''': Don't you know where he is? :'''Joey''': Don't tell me. :'''Téa''': You mean he's still in there!? :'''Mokuba''': Time's running out! :'''Seto''': Mokuba's right. We can't wait. :'''Joey''': Yugi! :'''Tristan Taylor''': Are you nuts man! :'''Joey''': Get your hands off of me Tristan! I’m not leaving here without Yugi! :'''Tristan''': Joey, we have to trust that he found the way out on his own! :'''Joey''': YUGI! :''[the gang hops in the KaibaCorp helicopter and takes off as Dartz's lair is washed down. Inside the helicopter Téa, Rafael, Tristan, Joey, Kaiba and Mokuba.]'' :'''Seto''': Good riddance. :'''Mokuba''': I just hope Yugi wasn't in there. :'''Téa''': Me, too. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the Hospital Rex and Weevil wakes up was that a dream.]'' :'''Weevil Underwood''': Where am i? Mommy? :'''Rex Raptor''': Hey! Who's said that!? :'''Weevil/Rex''': Huh! Oh! :'''Rex''': What are you doing in my bedroom, Weevil!? :'''Weevil''': Your bedroom!? You're in a hospital, You dimwit! :'''Rex''': What happened!? :'''Weevil''': I know who fault this is. :'''Rex''': ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#On the Wrong Track|Joey's]].'' :'''Weevil''': ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#On the Wrong Track|Yugi's]].'' :'''Both''': '''YOU'RE PAY FOR THIS! YOU HEAR ME!?''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alister''': Mikey, I know you're out there somewhere, And I'm not gonna stop looking until I find you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': ''[wakes up]'' I’m home. ''[thinking]'' Was that all a dream? ''[flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fighting for a Friend|Joey and Valon's last duel]]. Flashback ends he gets up the bed and the card fell off he spotted the Harpie Lady card and holds it walked outside the beach house and smiling looked at the sky]'' I'll never forget you. Thanks Mai. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mai driving on her motorcycle at the beach]'' :'''Mai Valentine''': ''[thinking]'' ''I'm glad that mess is over. Now to pick up the pieces.'' ''[In Mai's flashbacks, it shows the beginning of how she entered the Doma organization, when she met [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#An_Unexpected_Enemy|Yugi's friends and running towards Joey]] [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Fighting_for_a_Friend|before he became unconscious]]. Flashbacks ends]'' ''Sorry Joey. But I can't face you yet. So I'm gonna hit the road until I'm ready to own up to everything for what have I've done. But I'll be back.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dark Magician Girl''': ''[voice-over]'' Yugi, Wake up. :'''Yugi''': ''[wakes up and surprised on the beach and sees the sunset on the ocean.]'' Any idea where we are? :'''Yami Yugi''': It seems we've washed up on shore. But I wonder how. Someone must have guided us here. Hmm. :'''Yugi''': Hey, look! ''[sees Dark Magician Girl along with Timaeus, Hermos and Critias appears]'' It's Dark Magician Girl! :'''Yami Yugi''': And she's brought with her the three legendary knights. :'''Dark Magician Girl''': We four are forever in your debt. Not only have you rescued your own world, But you've saved the creatures of our world as well. Thanks to your fearlessness. The dominion of the beasts can once again flourish just as it did so many years ago. And by breaking the evil spell that imprisoned the legendary knights. They can continue to protect our land. :'''Yugi''': I'm just glad we could help. :'''Timaeus''': Thank you both. You fought bravely. Farewell. :'''Critias''': You two will never be forgotten. :'''Hermos''': For as long as we reign. :'''Yami Yugi''': Well, We couldn't have done it without you. In the face of ultimate darkness, Your couragfousness sparked a light so incredibly strong it will burn for all eternity. :'''Timaeus''': Thank you, Pharaoh. We shall meet again. :''[The legendary knights flying off together.]'' :'''Dark Magician Girl''': The time may come that we need each other again. If so, You know where I'll be. Right there in your deck. :''[she flying off with the legendary knights together then inside the KaibaCorp helicopter]'' :'''Téa''': Look, those weird lights are back. :'''Joey''': Well, that explains why? It's Dark Magician Girl and the three legendary knights. :'''Téa''': I guess they’re going home. Now that their world is safe again. :'''Yugi''': ''[sees "The Eye of Timaeus" card disappears]'' Well, Pharaoh there goes our Timaeus. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes Yugi, There goes Timaeus. :'''Joey''': ''[sees "The Claw of Hermos" card disappears]'' Well, there goes Hermos. :'''Kaiba''': ''[sees "The Fang of Critias" card disappears]'' Oh well... No big deal. My deck's still unstoppable. :'''Téa''': I hope Yugi's all right. ''[spots Yugi on the island]'' Look! :'''Mokuba''': Huh? :'''Joey''': Eh? :'''Tristan''': Huh? Hey! It's Yugi! :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh! Over there! They made it out! :'''Yami Yugi''': You're right. :''[KaibaCorp helicopter lands on the beach and the door open]'' :'''Joey''': Yugi! :'''Tea''': I knew we find you. :'''Tristan''': Hey man! :'''Joey''': ''[giggling]'' I'll never let this spikey head of yours is outta my sight. :'''Tea''': Is it really all over? :'''Yugi''': Yep, we're safe now. :'''Mokuba''': ''[next to Seto Kaiba behind Rafael]'' Hey, Yugi! :'''Joey''': Let's hit the high road folks, I'm sure there's someone else trying to taking over the world back home. :'''Tristan''': You know the scary thing is he's probably right. :''[The gang hops the KaibaCorp helicopter when Yugi sees the Pharaoh watches the sunsets down the ocean.]'' :'''Tea''': ''[offscreen]'' Yugi, is something wrong? :'''Yugi''': I'll be right there, Tea. ''[The Pharaoh and Yugi looked at each other as the sun going down the ocean.]'' ''[voice over]'' ''We may have stopped Dartz, but the Pharaoh's not done yet. Now he has to pick up where he left off before all this craziness started 'cause the biggest adventure of all is still ahead. And it won't be over till the pharaoh unlocks the secrets of his past. He needs to learn who he really is and why he was sent back here. Maybe then his spirit'll finally be able to rest. Well, no matter what happens, one thing's for sure... whatever he finds out there... and whatever he needs to face... he won't have to do it alone.'' ==External links== {{wikipedia|Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (season 4)}} {{Yu-Gi-Oh!}} [[Category:Yu-Gi-Oh! seasons|4]] [[Category:Children's television seasons]] sji9k198qvmoh0fdrezpb7krfhwq98o 3778977 3778976 2025-07-15T02:03:56Z 2001:8003:DD49:F700:70BE:E456:AB7D:24BF /* Reliving the Past [4.20] */ 3778977 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''Seasons''': [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 1)|1]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 2)|2]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 3)|3 Enter the Shadow Realm]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)|4 Waking the Dragons]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 5)|5 Grand Championship and Dawn of the Duel]] | '''Movies''': [[Yu-Gi-Oh! The Movie: Pyramid of Light]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Dark Side of Dimensions|The Dark Side of Dimensions]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh!: Bonds Beyond Time|Bonds Beyond Time]] | [[Yu-Gi-Oh!|Main]] ---------------- The following is a list of quotes from the fourth season of '''''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'''''. ==Waking the Dragons Arc== ===''A New Evil'' [4.01-02]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Rex Raptor''': Ever hear of stepping aside?! :'''Weevil Underwood''': Yeah! What's your problem? :'''Gurimo''': The problem should be yours when I strip you two fools of your souls. :'''Rex Raptor''': Does the Grim Reaper know you've raided his wardrobe? :'''Gurimo''': ''[his eyes glow green, explaining the Orichalcos]'' ''Quod valedico vestrum animus.'' :'''Rex Raptor''': Say what?! :'''Weevil Underwood''': I-I think you just got him mad! :'''Gurimo''': Rise on your feet and Duel! ''[activates his Chaos Duel Disk and Weevil and Rex scream in terror off-screen]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Great deities of domination, I call upon thee. Use the pharaoh's force to penetrate the dominion of the beasts and liberate the fury of 10,000 years. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gurimo''': Your fate is now sealed. ====Part 2==== :'''Alister''': Looks like someone needs a rest. :'''Valon''': The boss warned us that the Egyptian God Cards and the magic of the Orichalcos might not mix so well, didn't he? :'''Alister''': I think that geezer's just getting too old for this. :'''Rafael''': Well, that's why we made him Duel first, right? To test the Pharaoh's strength. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Now why does all these weird stuff always happen to us? ''[Yugi is silent]'' You've gotta admit, it's true. :''[Rebecca runs up to meet Yugi]'' :'''Rebecca''': Yugi! ''[Hugs Yugi]'' :'''Yugi''': ''[Very surprised]'' Uh, hey....you! :'''Rebecca''': Oh no, don't tell me you forgot about me already! :'''Tristan''': Yet another weird event to add to the list. :'''Joey''': And this one tops them all. :'''Tristan''': It's probably best if we don't interfere! :'''Tea''': ''[Leaning towards Yugi]'' Do you know this person, Yugi? :'''Yugi''': Um, I don't think so. :'''Rebecca''': Maybe this will refresh your memory! ''[Holds up a card]'' :'''Yugi''': ''[After flashback]'' Ah, Rebecca! :'''Joey''': It's that brat! :'''Rebecca''': Hi! ''[Big smile; waves her hand]'' :'''Joey''': Wait, she looks different. Did she get a haircut or something? :'''Tristan''': No dude, she traded her teddy bear for glasses. :'''Rebecca''': ''[Hugs Yugi]'' I don't need a bear... now that I've got a boyfriend to protect me! :'''Tea''': Um, excuse me? A boyfriend!? :'''Rebecca''': ''[Another hug]'' My grandpa is also really excited to see you Yugi! :'''Yugi''': Professor Hawkins? :'''Rebecca''': Yeah, he's waiting at the Museum. :'''Tea''': Grrr... ''[Anime vein throb]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arthur''': Remarkable, Isn't it? :'''Solomon''': That's my boy. :'''Yugi''': Hey, guys! :'''Arthur''': Yugi Muto. You're just the person I need to see. I have a theory that all of these monster sightings have something to do with you. :'''Yugi''': Huh. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': Here we are, gang, Home, sweet home. :'''Rafael''': Wait til the boss hears we found the Pharaoh. ===''Legend of the Dragons'' [4.03]=== :'''Rafael''': We located the Pharaoh, Master. Unfortunately, we weren't able to capture his soul. :'''Dartz''': I didn't expect you to defeat him this soon. We've just begun. :'''Rafael''': But you know me, Master. I never come back empty handed. ''[walks forward with a small wooden box, and opens it to reveal the three Egyptian God Cards inside]'' :'''Dartz''': Excellent, the Egyptian Gods. ''[reaches out and takes the three cards in his hand]'' At long last. I've waited an eternity to hold their power in my hands. ''[the cards begin glowing]'' I finally possess the supreme force necessary to awaken the Great Beast! ''[walks to the altar at the far end of the temple]'' Soon we shall rid the Earth of mankind, and rebuild civilization as it once was! ''[places the Egyptian God Cards in the mouths of three huge stone serpents, with Ra in the middle, Slifer on the right and Obelisk on the left]'' Serpents of the Orichalcos, please hear my call! ''[raises his hands in worship]'' I offer thee the Gods of Egypt! Use their divine might to unlock the sacred chamber of the Great Beast! Awaken him from his ancient slumber by accepting my offering! :''[Dartz laughs evilly as the three cards emanate a powerful beam of energy, which then shoots up past the temple roof and into the sky, culminating in an explosion of white light which clears to reveal an array of multicoloured lights floating in the sky]'' :'''Dartz''': The time has arrived, my friends. Finally, after ten thousand years, the Great Leviathan shall rise again! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dark Magician Girl''': We’ve only just begun. The great beast is still weak so he retreated for the moment. And for that my companions and I are truly my Pharaoh. But many of us remain prisoners on the other side. :'''Yugi''': What’s next? :'''Dark Magician Girl''': The great beast will return again… and his power will grow! He must be stopped before he is fully restored! Time is running out! ===''The Creator Returns'' [4.04]=== :'''Dartz''': Rafael! :'''Rafael''': Yes, Master Dartz. ''[kneels before Dartz]'' I know what to do. I'll find the Pharaoh. And this time, I'll make sure we drain his power to feed the Great Beast, sir. :'''Dartz''': Why don't you try listening? It's really a wonderful skill. ''[turns around]'' And when you master it, you'll realise that we need more than just the Pharaoh's soul! :'''Alister''': Then we'll deal with the others too. I'll take Kaiba. :'''Valon''': I got my eye on someone too. That feisty little bloke Joey Wheeler. ''[laughs]'' He should be fun to take apart. :'''Alister''': I know why you're after Wheeler. :'''Valon''': Mind your own business, Alister! What about you? Why the sudden interest in Kaiba? :'''Alister''': Look, I have my reasons, Valon. :'''Valon''': Really?! :'''Rafael''': Knock it off! We're in the presence of Master Dartz! :'''Dartz''': The Pharaoh and his friends are on his way to speak with the one we've been watching. Just make certain that you reach him before they do. :'''Rafael''': Pegasus? :'''Dartz''': And to think, I called you a bad listener. Now go see Pegasus at once! :''[Alister and Valon join Rafael in kneeling before Dartz]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': I can’t believe the very monsters I made famous and now terrorising people around the world. Oh. Talk about bad publicity. :'''Mai Valentine''': Do you always talk to yourself like that? :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': ''[turns looks at the window shelf a strange figure is Mai Valentine]'' Huh? :'''Mai Valentine''': You got to get yourself some friends, honey. :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': But how did you get past my security? :'''Mai Valentine''': I guess your office isn’t as secure as you think it is, money bags. :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': I know you, you’re Mai Valentine. Tell me, why did you come here? :'''Mai Valentine''': Good question. I came here to duel you. And to take your soul. :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': '''NO!''' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Yugi and his friends at the airport]'' :'''Yugi''': I'll see you soon, Grandpa. :'''Solomon''': Take care, Yugi. And don't forget to keep your seats upright during takeoff. And don't fill up on peanuts. :'''Yugi''': Sure, bye, Grandpa. :'''Tea Gardner''': Well, we're off. :'''Joey Wheeler''': Thanks for the ride. :'''Solomon''': You kids be careful, now! :''[Weevil and Rex are sneaking to followed Yugi and his friends to hiding in the bag.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pegasus''': Kaiba boy! I missed you! ===''Deja Duel!'' [4.05-06]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Mokuba''': Seto, We're approaching Duelist Kingdom. :'''Seto''': I'll try to make this quick. The less time I spend here, the better. :'''Mokuba''': Me, too. This place has nothing but bad memories. :'''Seto''': Initiate the landing sequence now. :'''Mokuba''': You got it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pegasus''': I just haven't been myself lately. in fact... ''[in Alister's voice]'' I mean that quite literally. :'''Mokuba''': What's going on? :'''Alister''': Surprise! ''[chuckling]'' :''[he rips himself off, revealing Alister]'' :'''Alister''': I've waited for this day for a long time, Kaiba-boy. :'''Seto''': You're gonna pay for tricking me like that! :'''Alister''': ''[as Pegasus' voice]'' Pretty good imitation, right? :'''Seto''': Identify yourself. :'''Alister''': ''[normal voice]'' Alister's the name, Kaiba boy! Now let's duel! ''[activates his chaos duel disk and draws a card]'' Hm. ''[holds up "The Seal of Orichalcos" card]'' This magic card is about to change everything. Activating the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Seto''': What's that? :'''Mokuba''': This is nuts! :'''Seto''': Explain yourself now! :'''Alister''': Oh, as if you're gonna believe me? :'''Seto''': Try me. :'''Alister''': We're trapped in here till the duel's over. Then once I crush you, I'll be able to get out. Hmm. Of course, you on the other hand won't be quite as lucky as myself Kaiba boy. :'''Seto''': What do you mean? :'''Alister''': When you lose, your soul will be locked away for all eternity... But this time, you won't be set free! :''[To Be Continued...]'' ====Part 2==== :'''Alister''': Let's get on with this. I summon Gorlag in attack mode! And here's a little bonus. :'''Seto''': Your monster just got stronger! But how?! :'''Alister''': Remember the Seal of Orichalcos? As long as it stays active on the field, every one of my monsters gets 500 attack point boost. :'''Seto''': What?! :'''Alister''': You heard me. Plus, my Gorlag gets another 500 points for every fire monster on the field. :'''Seto''': There are none! :'''Alister''': Oh, no? What do you think my Gorlag's made of? Ready, Gorlag? Attack his Versago the Destroyer, now! ''[Gorlag attacks Seto's monster and it reappears on his side of the field]'' :'''Seto''': ''[thinking]'' What's that?! :'''Alister''': Did I forget to mention my Gorlag's ''other'' special ability? Every time he destroys one of my opponent's monsters, that very same monster reappears on ''my'' side of the field-- only this time, it becomes a creature of fire! And you remember what happens when a creature of fire is on the field, right? My Gorlag gets even stronger! It's over for you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alister''': It used to be my brother's! But I'll never see him again… 'cause your father took him away from me! <hr width="50%"/> ===''An Unexpected Enemy'' [4.07]=== :'''Rafael''': Someone out there likes to crash parties. Let's find out who. ''[drives off]'' :'''Valon''': I already know. And I know just where she's going too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Don't we get a "hi"? What's with the silent treatment, Mai. :'''Mai''': I'm not Mai. at least not the Mai you knew. :'''Joey''': What? :'''Mai''': You heard me. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#The Creator Returns (E.4)|she and Pegasus' duel at Industrial Illusions]], flashback ends.]'' Alright, gang. ''[holds up the card is Maximillion Pegasus' soul is captured by the Seal of Orichalcos]'' Say hello to Pegasus. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[shocked]'' What? :'''Tristan''': Whoa... Is that really him? :'''Téa''': Ah... Question: Did you do that to him? :'''Joey''': Look! You better start talking! :'''Valon''': ''[offscreen]'' or else what!? :'''Joey''': Huh? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Joey, Yami Yugi, Téa and Tristan spots at Valon and Rafael on top]'' :'''Valon''': What's the matter, Wheeler, did your little reunion with Mai not go as well as you expected it to do? ''[to Mai]'' And you! Why are you keeping these guys all for yourself, Mai? Why don't you show some manners and share the fun with us? :'''Mai''': Mind your own business, you lackey. These geeks are mine, so deal with it. :'''Joey''': Geeks!? But we're your friends, Mai. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_3)#One_for_the_Road|Joey and Mai after the battle city finals]]]'' Please, Mai! Tell me this is all a joke! You're on ''our'' side, remember?! :'''Tristan''': Great. Mai totally sold ''us'' out! :'''Téa''': No! Mai would never do that! Tell him. You're still ''our'' friend, right? :'''Yami Yugi''': Time to explain yourself. :'''Mai''': I was never a ''part'' of your little playgroup. And now I'm gonna break you apart one-by-one. ''[activates her chaos duel disk]'' And Wheeler… I'm starting with you! :'''Joey''': Fine! :'''Mai''': It's payback time, and it all starts, now! And to think, I was once pathetic enough to call you my friend. But now I know the truth! You were holding me back from achieving true power! So say hello to my real friend… THE SEAL OF ORICHALCOS! This card's done for me than you losers ever could! ''[activates the card, trapping Joey and herself in it]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': No! Not this! :'''Mai''': ''[chuckles sinisterly]'' If you're scared now, just wait till you lose. :'''Joey''': Wake up, Mai! This thing's nothing but bad news! It's messing up your head, big time! Don't you remember everything we've been through together? Just ditch that freaky card, and things can be the way they use to be! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': It's exactly as I feared. The Orichalcos controls her! This duel must end. :'''Téa''': Otherwise, she's gonna do the same thing to Joey that she did to Pegasus! ===''My Freaky Valentine'' [4.08-10]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Mai''': What are you waiting for, Wheeler? :'''Joey''': I'm waiting for you to come to your senses! :'''Tristan''': She's lost it. How can she side with the enemy?! :'''Téa''': It's all because of that Orichalcos thing! :'''Yami-Yugi''': Now, one of them will lose their soul. :'''Téa''': No, you can't do this! Don't you see you're letting that magic card control you, Mai! You're putting your own life in danger! :'''Yugi''': They can't go through with this! We've got to do something! :'''Yami-Yugi''': But the Puzzle is powerless against that seal. :'''Valon''': Ey, Pharaoh! Quit mumblin' to yourself down there, will ya? In case you didn't realize this last time, nothing can break the Seal of Orichalcos! Once it appears, it doesn't disappear until a soul's been captured! :'''Rafael''': And don't think you're off the hook, Pharaoh. As soon as the girl takes your friend's soul, I'm takin' ''yours''. :'''Mai''': Get back in your cage, gorilla boy! When I'm done with Wheeler… Yugi belongs to ''me!'' :'''Yami-Yugi''': But why? :'''Téa''': ''She's'' nuts! :'''Rafael''': I never liked her. No respect. Any more lip from Mai and she's next. :'''Valon''': Aw, give the girl a break, will ya? She's still new at all this, mate. Plus, she's kinda cute when she gets mad, don't ya think? :'''Rafael''': Uh, no. :'''Mai''': When are you gonna make your move, hotshot? This year would be nice. :'''Joey''': What did I say?! ''I'm'' not gonna duel ''against'' you, Mai! :'''Mai''': Afraid you're not good enough? Afraid you're gonna lose like you did in Battle City?! I shoulda known you'd back down! :'''Joey''': Actually, I'm afraid I'm gonna win. 'Cause if I do… You're gonna pay for it by givin' up your soul! :'''Mai''': I have no soul! :'''Téa''': ''[shocked by what she said]'' You hear that?! :''[Valon whistles]'' :'''Mai''': I told you, the Mai you knew is gone! I traded in her soul for power! The old Mai was too lonely and pathetic. The girl was just holding me back. So I did what I had to! I sent her packing! Now, my weak side's gone for good! :'''Joey''': Well, I happen to have liked the old Mai and I'm gonna get her back! :'''Mai''': I'd like to see you try! :''[Joey activated his duel disk]'' :'''Tristan''': He's gonna go through with this?! :'''Téa''': Be careful, Joey! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mai activates her Nightmare Tri-Mirror trap card to transform the reflection of Joey's Scapegoats into four more Harpie Ladies, thus giving her a total of six Harpies]'' :'''Tristan''': Wait just a second, she can't have six monsters in play! :'''Yami-Yugi''': Remember, Tristan, thanks to the Seal of Orichalcos, Mai is allowed to have up to ''ten'' monsters on the field at once. :'''Tristan''': D'oh! Stupid magic thing! :'''Mai''': Now this is what I call, "girl power!" You're up against six Haripe Ladies all enhanced with the power of my magic card! I place one card facedown on the field. It was nice knowin' ya! I've got six Harpie Ladies and one big magic circle, and we all agree you're in over your head, Wheeler. Lucky for you, it's your move or I'd finish you off right now. So what's it gonna be? :'''Tristan''': There's nothing he can do! Mai backed Joey into a corner and now he's stuck there! :'''Yugi''': Tristan's got a point. If Joey doesn't do something quick, Mai is gonna win the duel! :'''Yami-Yugi''': That's true. And as long as the Seal of Orichalcos is on the field, Mai has all sorts of advantages. It even seems as though there are certain magic and trap cards that only she is allowed to use. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': I summon Panther Warrior in attack mode! Now, I sacrifice one scapegoat so my panther can attack! :'''Mai''': I reveal my facedown card! Harpie Lady Sparrow Formation! :'''Joey''': What?! :'''Mai''': My Harpie Ladies have all joined forces to repel your attack! :'''Tristan''': Mai didn't have that card back in Battle City. :'''Téa''': You're right. :'''Yami-Yugi''': It seems as though she's gone through more than a few changes since the last time we saw her-- including a stronger deck! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Look, Mai... I don't know what kind of spell these guys put on ya but you gotta wake up! Otherwise we're both gonna be in pretty big trouble! :'''Mai''': What spell!? No one's controlling me! ''[looks up on Valon and Rafael]'' Those two lackeys up there couldn't control my left pinky. ''I'' was sick of my life... So I ''chose'' to change it! :''[Téa, Tristan and the Pharaoh gasps and horrifying]'' :'''Joey''': ''[shocked]'' No way! :'''Téa''': How could you!? :'''Mai''': You guys wouldn't understand. You've never been an outsider like me... All alone. Duel monsters is all I have. And after [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 3)|the Battle City tournament]], I set out to become the best. I duel against chump after chump to improve my dueling skills. I needed to make a name for myself. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': I stopped whining like a loser and started taking control! Now nothing can stop me! :'''Joey''': I never knew you felt that way. Why didn't you tell us you were so unhappy? We could've helped you, Mai! :'''Mai''': SAVE IT! I don't need your kind of help! All I need now is power! And I'm about to unleash all of it on ''you!'' ''[draws]'' I play Harpie Lady Phoenix Formation! Since I have six Harpies on the field, it lets me destroy up to six of your monsters! :'''Tristan''': Hold on! Joey's only got three left! :'''Téa''': That means once Mai's Harpie Ladies attack, he'll be defenseless! :'''Yami-Yugi''': That's not all. Mai's magic card will also subtract the sum of Joey's monsters' attack points from ''his'' Life Points. :'''Mai''': Now, Harpie Ladies… unite and destroy every one of his monsters! Say goodbye to your three monsters, Wheeler! Someone is one attack away from losing their soul and I don't think it's me, sweetheart. Any last requests? :'''Tristan''': Mai's got 4000 points! She hasn't even lost one! And Joey's down to his last 200! Not to mention the fact that he's out of monsters! :'''Téa''': If he doesn't think of something right now, he's gonna lose the duel! ====Part 2==== :'''Yugi''': There is a way for Joey to end this duel without someone getting hurt, isn't there? :'''Yami-Yugi''': Yes, but it won't be easy. The Seal of Orichalcos is powerful. However, it does have limitations. It can only capture a soul when a duelist loses, and there it lies the secret to escaping its wrath. :'''Yugi''': I don't get it. :'''Yami-Yugi''': Let's hope Joey does. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': ''[spots at Weevil and Rex outside]'' It's a regalia party, What are you guys doing here? :'''Weevil''': It's that magic circle! :'''Rex''': Yeah! The same one we were trapped in! :'''Mai''': I sacrifice my two Harpies! That allows me to summon Harpie's Pet Dragon! And thanks to the Seal of Orichalcos, it gets 500 more points! Plus, it gets another 300 points for every Harpie I have on the field! :'''Yami-Yugi''': Now it has 3,400 points! :'''Mai''': It's been nice knowing ya, Wheeler! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Joey picked his own trap card in the middle, canceling Mai's attack]'' :'''Joey''': YEAH! Bingo, baby! :'''Tristan''': I knew he could do it! :'''Téa''': You go! :'''Weevil''': Now that's luck. :'''Rex''': Yeah, next time I play Bingo, I'm bringin' him! :'''Valon''': Well, there goes your theory. :'''Joey''': Looks like your last attack didn't work. So I'm still in the game! :'''Mai''': For now, maybe. :'''Téa''': That's cool. At least Joey bought himself a little time. :'''Yami-Yugi''': Yes, but it did come with a price, Téa. :'''Mai''': Impressive. But your little maneuver helped me out, too. :'''Joey''': Yeah, I know. Now you get to put the two cards you picked at the top of your deck. :'''Téa''': Oh, no! Now she can use those two cards again! :'''Yami-Yugi''': Harpie Lady Phoenix Formation and Harpie Sparrow Formation. Those are two of Mai's most powerful cards! :'''Mai''': You may have stopped my attack but my turn's not over. Next, I'll move one of my Harpie Ladies to my rear defense. And then, I'll place two cards facedown and end my turn. :'''Joey''': ''[thinking]'' I've got one more shot to do this, but I'm all out of ideas! ====Part 3==== :'''Rafael''': Valon, what are you doing!? :'''Valon''': With this fragment of the Orichalcos stone… I unlock the seal! :'''Rafael''': No! ''[jumps down]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami-Yugi''': Joey, are you alright. Joey! :'''Tristan''': Oh man. :'''Téa''': Why did he do that? :'''Rafael''': What were you thinking, Valon? You betrayed Master Dartz and risked your own soul! And you mean to tell me you did all that so you just saved some girl, Valon. :'''Valon''': She's not just some ''girl'', Rafael! :'''Rafael''': Would ''you'' listen to yourself, Valon!? ''[growls]'' I'll make up for this… By taken ''your'' soul, Pharaoh. The power around my neck puts your Puzzle to shame. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami-Yugi''': Joey! :'''Tristan''': You're okay, man! :'''Téa''': Joey! :'''Tristan''': Don't give up on us now. :'''Téa''': Joey. :'''Joey''': Where's Mai? Did those punks take her? :'''Téa''': I guess so. :'''Tristan''': Yeah. She gone. :'''Joey''': ''[gasps]'' Oh no, I was so close. ''[groans]'' I'LL GET YOU BACK, MAI! ===''The Challenge'' [4.11]=== :'''Seto Kaiba''': No way! My mind must be playing tricks on me! :'''Joey Wheeler''': I doubt that. My card seens to be doing the same thing, Kaiba! :'''Yami Yugi''': It feels as though these three dragons are calling out to us. :'''All''': Uhh! :'''Yami Yugi''': I was told that fate had chosen three modern-day warriors to release these legendary beasts. :'''Kaiba''': Chosen by fate? Get real. I'm the one who decides my fate, Yugi! Not some fairy tale about mythical dragons and giant man-eating monsters. :'''Yami Yugi''': Be reasonable for once! The world needs us! We do this as a team! :'''Kaiba''': Sorry... I don't do the teamwork thing. :'''Yami Yugi''': Listen! :'''Kaiba''': You geeks have wasted enough of my time already. I have a multi-million dollar company to run. Playtime's over. :'''Yami Yugi''': Kaiba! :'''Mokuba''': Seto.... wait up! :'''Joey''': We don't need him weighing us down anyway. With good old Hermos over here those hoodlums won't stand a chance. :'''Tristan''': Someone's back to their old self again. About time. :'''Joey''': It took me a while, but I realized being bummed out about Mai's not gonna bring her back. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': ''[angrily]'' What were ''you'' thinking?! I was just about to finish off Wheeler, and then you had butt in and ruin everything! :'''Rafael''': You're a real piece a work. He saved your soul, and this is how you repay him? :'''Mai''': Who asked to be saved?! Maybe next time, He'll learn to butt out! :'''Rafael''': Next time... We'll just let you lose. :'''Valon''': That's enough, mate, I'm fine! :'''Mai''': Yeah, Clam up, or you'll end up just like your friend here. :'''Rafael''': ''[stands up]'' ''You'' have no idea the danger you were in. :'''Mai''': Huh? :'''Rafael''': Do you remember that Hermos card Wheeler played? It's an ancient dragon that can only be controlled by a chosen duelist. :'''Mai''': Ha! Yeah, ''he'' was chosen all right! Chosen to have that scrawny butt of his kicked by a real duelist! Humph. ''[hops on Valon's motorcycle]'' Later, losers! ''[droves off]'' :'''Valon''': Hey, wait! That's mine! ''[coughs]'' :'''Mai''': ''[thinking]'' ''You'' won't escape me this time, Wheeler. :'''Valon''': I can't let Mai get hurt. I gotta stop her. :'''Rafael''': Forget about her, Valon. Let's focus on the Pharaoh. :'''Valon''': But Master Dartz said to wait. :'''Rafael''': Yeah, Well, Master Dartz doesn't always know what's best. I should take the strongest soul first. Once I get him out of the way, The others will fall right into my hands, one by one. :'''Valon''': But how do you know the Pharaoh will duel? :'''Rafael''': Because my plan is already in place. It's only a matter of time. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': A duel monster's card? ''[spots a note from Rafael and gasps]'' GRANDPA! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': You sure this is the place? :'''Yugi''': Professor Hawkins! Rebecca! :'''Rebecca''': Yugi. :'''Yugi''': Rebecca. What happened here? :'''Rebecca''': ''[in tears]'' Yugi… they tooked him. ''[starts to cries]'' My poor Grandpa! ''[sobbing]'' It’s not fair! He didn’t hurt anyone! :'''Yugi''': We’re gonna find him… I promise. :'''Rebecca''': Thank you. Who would do something like this?! <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi''': Oh, no! How far away is [[w:Death Valley|Death Valley]]? :'''Rebecca''': Well if we use Duke's car, it shouldn’t take us more than an hour or so. :'''Yugi''': Sorry, Rebecca… But I have to go alone. :'''Rebecca''': Why? :'''Yugi''': I’ve put you and your family in enough danger already. :'''Rebecca''': Uh-uh. Don’t be silly, Yugi. None of this is your fault at all. :'''Yugi''': Thanks, Rebecca. But It’s me they want, and you’ll be much safer here. And please, don’t tell Joey, Tristan, Téa and the other guys where I’m about to go, OK? :'''Rebecca''': But why? :'''Yugi''': I don’t want them to follow me there. :'''Weevil''': Interesting. :'''Rex and Weevil''': ''[looks at each other]'' Hmm? <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi''': Ready, Copernicus. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arthur''': Rebecca, Where's Yugi? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': We’ll keep an eye out on Rex and Weevil, I don’t trust those two. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Weevil''': We can't miss the showdown between Yugi and those guys. I have to find out how they made Mai into such a strong duelist. :'''Rex''': Can't we take a quick snack break? :''[Weevil and Rex spots Yami Yugi riding on Copernicus]'' :'''Weevil''': It's Yugi, he's getting ahead! :'''Rex''': No put the pedal to the metal! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': ''[looks after her grandfather was asleep and holds Ties of Friendship card what Yugi gives her]'' Be careful, Yugi. Please. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': I'm ready for you, Pharaoh. Thanks to my deck... and the power it holds. ===''Fate of the Pharaoh'' [4.12-14]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Rafael''': Very impressive, cowboy, But You'll need more than a few rodeo tricks to get yourself outta this. ''[Pharaoh crossing the bridge]'' You see, While my associates are satisfied with stealing the souls of your friends, I'm not. :'''Yami Yugi''': I did my part. Now you release the Professor Arthur Hawkins as you promised. :'''Rafael''': He's already been set free, but since you've come all this way, you might as well stay awhile. ''[?]'' So you're gonna stick around, right? 'Cause like I said before, Pharaoh, your friends aren't good enough. I need to capture the soul of the pharaoh himself so I can save the world. :'''Yami Yugi''': Save the world? Don't you see that what you're doing is going to ''destroy'' the world? or are you so insane that you can't tell the difference? :'''Rafael''': I'm just fine. It's you who's blind to what's going on. You're fighting on the wrong side. :'''Yami Yugi''': Explain yourself. :'''Rafael''': This world's a dark and lonely place to live. It's been poisoned by mankind. All I'm trying to do is fix what's been ruined by people like you, and I'll do it by locking your spirit away for good. :'''Yami Yugi''': Who do you think you are? :'''Rafael''': Look, The name's Rafael, and I called you here to duel, not shoot the breeze. I've waited for this moment long enough and I have no intention of putting our fight off for another minute, so let's go. :'''Yami Yugi''': You've given me no choice. But know this, in the end righteousness will prevail and justice shall be served. ''[activates his KC mass production duel disk]'' :'''Rafael''': That's just what I'm hoping for. ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' :'''Pharaoh and Rafael''': Let's duel! ''[their life points to 4000]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rex Raptor''': Hey Weevil, Check it out. :'''Weevil Underwood''': Yugi started dueling already. ====Part 2==== :'''Rafael''': Well, for starters, He's a better leader than you were. That's right Pharaoh. My master told me all about your history as the king of Eqypt; How you ruled as an evil dictator using the power of the shadow realm to control your subjects. :'''Yami Yugi''': Wake up. ''He'' lied. :'''Rafael''': How would you know? You have no memory of your past. So isn't it possible that you're responsible for the destruction of Egypt?! Think about it! :'''Yami Yugi''': It can't be. I know I was a worthy pharaoh. I'm the one who locked the dark magic away! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh, no! :'''Yami Yugi''': Let go! :'''Yugi''': No! You don't know what you're doing! :'''Yami Yugi''': Let go! :'''Yugi''': Listen to me! This card is affecting your mind! :'''Yami Yugi''': We're going to lose the duel! Can't you see?! Trust me! It's the only way, Yugi! We must do this! Now let me go! :'''Yugi''': Please don't play that card! :'''Yami Yugi''': Now I activate the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Rafael''': ''[thinking]'' ''Excellent''. :''[The Pharaoh activates the card]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''What have I done?'' :'''Yugi''': No! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Do you guys see what I see!? :'''Tristan''': Is that light what I think it is!? :'''Joey''': The Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Rafael''': Nice work, Pharaoh. I knew you had it in you. Now, let's see what the Orichalcos reveals about you. Are you good or are you evil? So, tell me. How do ya feel? ''[laughing]'' :''[To Be Continued...]'' ====Part 3==== :'''Yami Yugi''': What have you done to my dragon!? :'''Rafael''': It's not what I've done.... It's what ''you've'' done by playing that magic card. Guess I should warned ya. Timaeus and the Orichalcos don't mix. But at least your dark side's been set free. :'''Yami Yugi''': What have I unleashed? ''[screaming]'' You were a fool to hand me this card! For when you lose, you soul will be for all eternity where it belongs! Now I activate Hand Control! All I need to do is correctly guess the name of a card in your hand and I can activate it! And since I gave you the necromancy card, I know you're holding it! Now it's mine! Ha! Necromancy allows me to bring four monsters back from my graveyard! So return to me Big Shield Gardna... Berfomet... Gazelle the king of mythical beasts... and Kuribabylon! Next I'll sacrifice Gazelle and Berfomet so I can summon my Dark Magician! Then I'll separate my Kuribabylon into the five Kuriboh brothers I used to create it! Now my monsters, feel the power of the orichalcos! <hr width50%> :'''Yugi''': Hey, where am I? The Seal of Oricahlcos! No! ''He'' played it! What have you done, Pharaoh? <hr width50%> :'''Joey''': YUGI! :'''Tristan''': No way, dude! :'''Joey''': What's going on? Why's that oricahlcos thingy on Yugi's forehead. :''[Joey, Tristan and Duke jumped in next Weevil and Rex.]'' :'''Rex''': You guys just missed the best part. :'''Duke''': Yeah? Then why don't you two fill us in. :'''Tristan''': I don't trust these twerps as far as I can throw 'em. :'''Joey''': Hey! ''[grubs Weevil]'' My best buddy's got that freaky ding on his head and I want answers now! :'''Weevil''': Why don't you take your paws off of me and try asking nicely! :'''Joey''': Wrong answer. Now it's go time! :'''Weevil''': Don't hurt me, Don't hurt me... :'''Rex''': It's the Seal of Oricahlcos! :'''Weevil''': ...Don't hurt me, Don't hurt me... :'''Rex''': Yugi got it from that big muscle guy and then activated it! :'''Weevil''': ...Don't hurt me, Don't hurt me. :''[Joey lets go off Weevil and he, Tristan and Duke gasps sees Yami Yugi faces Rafael and he using that evil spell card in horrified and Weevil panting.]'' :'''Joey''': Yugi ''wouldn't'' do that! He knows that card is ''evil!'' :''[The Pharaoh growls as the Orichalcos appears on his forehead]'' <hr width50%> :'''Weevil''': Alright, guys, If Yugi loses I call dibs on his Dark Magician. :'''Rex''': That's not cool. Why don't you show some compassion for a change... and let me take his Dark Magician. :'''Joey''': Watch it! <hr width50%> :'''Joey''': That doesn't sound like to Yugi I know. Come on pal... Snap out of it! <hr width50%> :''[In the far corners of Yugi's subconscious mind]'' :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh, NO! The Seal of Orichalcos is in play! So the monsters on the field are real! Please don't sacrifice the Dark Magician Girl! <hr width50%> :'''Tristan''': Earth to Joey, are you there, man? :'''Joey''': I'm here, but Yug's not. he's brainwashed! :'''Tristan''': Say what?! :''[Duke gasps]'' :'''Joey''': He's sacrificing his monsters left and right and talking about "power." That's not Yugi's style a duelin' at all! That oricahlcos ding is messin' with his head! Just like it did to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|Mai!]] :''[In the far corners of Yugi's subconscious mind]'' :'''Yugi''': ''[in tears]'' How could ''he'' do this? That card is evil. I warned him. <hr width50%> :'''Rafael''': You let your rage take over. Now look into the eyes of your monsters! :'''Yami Yugi''': Please forgive me for what I've done to you! <hr width50%> :'''Rafael''': Guardian Eatos, destroy his monsters and the rest of his life points! <hr width50%> :'''Yami Yugi''': '''NO!''' :'''Rex''': No way! Yugi actually lost! :'''Duke''': This can't be! :'''Tristan''': Oh man! :'''Joey''': Yugi! :''[In the far corners of Yugi's subconscious mind]'' :'''Yugi''': If he lost the duel. Then he'll loses his soul! :'''Rafael''': ''[laughing]'' Time for you to pay up, Pharaoh. The Seal of Oricahlcos never leaves the field without taking something along for the ride. And this time it's you, and you have yourself to blame 'cause you sealed your own fate when you played that card. Now your life-force will awaken the Great Beast. :''[In the far corners of Yugi's subconscious mind]'' :'''Yugi''': Not if I can help! With all the power of the Millennium Puzzle, I break the Seal! <hr width50%> :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh, I won't let his happen to you! :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi, no! What are you doing here!? :'''Yugi''': It only needs one of us. So I'm letting the Seal take ME instead. :'''Yami Yugi''': NO! YUGI! <hr width50%> :'''Rafael''': Adios, Your Highness. :''[The Pharaoh collapses]'' :'''Joey''': Hey! You alright pal!? :'''Weevil''': I doubt it. :'''Rex''': Yeah Ditto. :'''Duke''': This is nuts. :'''Tristan''': Come on, pal. :'''Joey''': Yugi, Get up! Please, Yug! :'''Rafael''': You won't be needing these anymore. <hr width50%> :'''Weevil''': Ha! Hey, Rex. :'''Rex''': I know exactly what you're thinking. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Pharaoh wakes up]'' :'''Tristan''': He's awake! :'''Joey''': I knew you outsmart that big goon. So How'd ya Yug, How did you escape. ''[sees the Pharaoh crying]'' Everything alright pal? :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[in tears]'' No, Joey. It's far from alright. I didn't outsmart him. He succeeded. Yugi's gone. :'''Joey/Tristan/Duke''': Whoa! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Great Leviathan, Please accept my latest offering. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': I don't get it. How can you be talkin' to us if ''he'' took your soul? :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[in tears]'' Not mine! Yugi's! IT'S ALL MY FAULT! YUGI, COME BACK! IT SHOULD'VE BEEN ME, NOT HIM! IT'S NOT FAIR! ===''Trial by Stone'' [4.15]=== :''[Rex and Weevil followed Rafael on the helicopter]'' :'''Rex''': He's getting away! We have to get our hands on one of those orichalcos magic cards. Just a little more! :'''Rex and Weevil''': ''[screaming]'' :'''Rex''': This is all your fault! Help! Mommy, I'm falling! :'''Rafael''': Oh, great. :'''Rex and Weevil''': Huh?! phew. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tea''': How'd it go? Is everything OK? :'''Joey''': Not quite. We got a problem guys. :'''Tea''': What do you mean? :'''Duke''': Yugi didn't win. :'''Tristan''': He's gone. :'''Tea''': Wha- :'''Tristan''': You heard me. Yugi got beat, Tea! :'''Tea''': You're wrong! If Yugi really lost that duel, those creeps would have taken his soul with their freaky magic card, Tristan! :'''Joey''': So what's your point, Tea? :'''Tea''': My point!? If he's lost how can he be standing right... ''[gasps and turns around looks at the Pharaoh]'' behind me? Oh no. :'''Rebecca''': Yugi, talk to me. What's wrong!? Why are you acting so strange!? :'''Yami Yugi''': Rebecca, they got him. :'''Rebecca''': Got who? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi. ''[Flashes back to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|their last duel as the Seal took Yugi instead]].]'' I know. This whole thing's my fault. I'm the one who unleashed the magic that took Yugi away. :'''Rebecca''': You knew that card was evil and you still played it!? If you really were a brave pharaoh, you would never have done something like that to poor, little Yugi! :'''Tea''': Now hold on. :'''Rebecca''': Oh, Tea! ''[sobbing]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm afraid Rebecca's right. :'''Tea''': Huh? :'''Joey''': What's done is done. :'''Yami Yugi''': I let everyone down. Especially Yugi. He warned me not to play the Seal of Oricalcos card, but my rage took control. ''[Flashes back to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|their first duel, the Pharaoh activated The Seal of Oricalcos card]].]'' He paid for my mistake. :'''Joey''': You got to ''snap'' outta this! :'''Yami Yugi''': He's gone, and it's all my fault. :'''Joey''': Get a grip, man! :'''Téa''': Joey! :'''Joey''': If we're gonna rescue Yugi, We gotta move ahead, not look back, So pull yourself together! What we gotta do now is find out who this Dartz guy is and where ''he'' keeps all these souls! :'''Duke''': I've been suggesting we do that since day one, but nobody listens to me. :'''Tristan''': Stop thinking about yourself for once, Duke! :'''Duke''': Down, boy. Heel! :'''Yami Yugi''': Let him go, Tristan! :'''Tristan''': Huh? :'''Yami Yugi''': This happened because I couldn't control my anger, and if we keep fighting amongst ourselves, the orichalcos will destroy us. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': You’re about to meet our master, so don’t anything to stupid. :'''Alister''': Yeah, He doesn’t have as much patience as we do. :'''Rex and Weevil''': gulped. :''[They opened the door]'' :'''Rafael''': Mission accomplished, Master. :'''Weevil''': We're gonna become super villains. :''[Rex and Weevil giggling]'' :'''Rafael''': You'll be happy to know the strongest soul on Earth has been captured, Master Dartz. :'''Dartz''': Ah, yes. The Pharaoh. :'''Weevil''': Pharaoh? :'''Rex''': What pharaoh? :'''Dartz''': Unfortunately, you failed again. ''[chair turns around wears a suit]'' :'''Valon''': ''[walks in with an arm in sling]'' That's right. The soul of the Pharaoh is still out there, Rafael. :'''Rafael''': ''[shocked]'' What?! :'''Alister''': ''[shocked]'' Huh?! :'''Dartz''': Now watch and learn. :''[Weevil whimping]'' :'''Rex''': What's that? :'''Dartz''': The Pharaoh's [[w:Rebirth|spirit inhabits the body]] of a young man. And what we have here is a clear case of mistaken identity. :''[Camera zooming towards image of Yugi Muto in stone]'' :'''Rex''': ''[shocked]'' No way! :'''Weevil''': ''[shocked]'' Yugi?! :'''Valon''': Instead of the Pharaoh, ''you'' got the soul of some kid! :'''Rafael''': I still don't understand. :'''Dartz''': Then you need to clean out your ears, you oversized baboon. Both of their spirits inhabit one body! Get it!? ''You'' captured the wrong soul! :'''Rafael''': But how!? I’m pretty sure ''I'' was dueling the Pharaoh! So the Orichcalos should have sealed him! :'''Dartz''': Well, apparently you're not as perceptive as you think you are because ''he'' got away! :'''Rafael''': That Punk! :'''Dartz''': There's no ''one'' to blame but ''yourself''! :'''Rafael''': I can fixed this, If you’ll let me. :'''Weevil''': Hey! :'''Valon, Dartz, Rafael and Alister''': ''[spots at Rex Raptor and Weevil Underwood]'' Huh? :'''Weevil''': Let's go! :'''Rex''': Go where? :''[Rex and Weevil run to Valon, Dartz, Rafael and Alister and knees on]'' :'''Weevil''': Might I suggest something, sir? :'''Rex''': Like a better hideout? :'''Weevil''': Quiet! ''[bangs Rex's head]'' :'''Rex''': Ow! I'm just trying to be helpful. :'''Dartz''': Who are these two? :'''Rex''': Haven't you heard of us? Former regional duel monsters champions? :'''Rafael''': They're just a couple of wanna-be duelists who followed us here. They probably never even played the game. :'''Weevil''': Never played the game?! :'''Rex''': Wanna-bes?! We're great duelists, but we came here to become even better. :'''Weevil''': Yugi and his friends have been making fools of us for years. ''[flashbacks to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 1)#The Ultimate Great Moth|Yugi and Weevil's duel with the Summoned Skull and The Great Moth in defeat,]] and then [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 1)#Trial by Red-Eyes|Joey and Rex's duel with a Time Wizard and Red Eyes Black Dragon in defeat]] at Duelist Kingdom. flashback ends]'' Before ''they'' showed up, we ''ruled the duels.'' But lately it seems like we're just the butt of everyone's jokes. :'''Rex''': And no ''one'' likes being a butt. :'''Weevil''': Uh, What he means is, we want nothing more than to have our revenge. So, please, mister Dartz, sir, share your dueling secrets with us and we'll help you get what you want. :'''Rex''': Please! :'''Dartz''': It won't be easy. The Pharaoh and his little friends wield the power of the legendary dragons. How do you intend to fight against cards like those? :'''Weevil''': That's exactly why we need your help, sir. :'''Rex''': Yeah, Weevil and I need the seal of orichalcos. :'''Dartz''': You know, Before I share my power with you, I have to make sure you're worthy. :'''Weevil''': Give us a chance to prove it. :'''Rex''': We'll do anything. :'''Dartz''': Very well. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Deliver to me the soul of the Pharaoh and his companion young Joseph Wheeler. The Orichcalos is with you. Used it correctly and victory is yours. :'''Rex and Weevil''': Yes, sir. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Back inside the caravan]'' :'''Joey''': So they wanna rule the world. We've dealt with that before. :'''Yami Yugi''': No, Joey, this time things are different. :'''Tristan''': Yeah, They're not just talking about wiping out all life on earth, they're doing it! :'''Joey''': But we know how to stop 'em. :'''Tristan''': Huh? :'''Joey''': We got to go straight to the source and destroy that secret weapon of theirs. :'''Tea''': You mean [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Legend_of_the_Dragons|that weird monster-zapper in the sky?]] :'''Tristan''': Unfortunately, that thing's after more than just monsters. it's using human souls to power itself up so it can wipe out the rest of us. :'''Joey''': Yeah, and right now that thing's got Yugi, so I don't know about you, but I'm not gonna stand here twiddling my thumbs. I'm gonna take action. :'''Tea''': Look, Joey, I wanna help Yugi too, but we can't just fight this thing by ourselves. We need help. :'''Rebecca''': No, Tea. :'''Tea''': Huh? :'''Rebecca''': In case you forgot, Those jerks burned down my grandpa's laboratory and destroyed all his research. And without any hard evidence, there's no way anyone's gonna believe our story. :'''Tea''': But we have proof. It's all down in those underwater ruins. :'''Rebecca''': Whatever was there won't be of any help to us now. The ruins are gone, guys. :'''Tea''': Someone ruined the ruins? :'''Duke''': They're one step ahead of us. :'''Arthur''': ''[opens the door]'' Don't give up so easily. :'''Rebecca''': Gramps, you're awake. :'''Tea''': Yeah, shouldn't you be resting? :'''Arthur''': I'll be fine. Anyway who could sleep with you kids chit chatting all day? Besides, I can help you find the information you need. You're right about looking to the ruins for answers. :'''Yami Yugi''': So did you discover anything more about these thugs? :'''Arthur''': Well, I can't be sure, but based on the inscriptions I found, there's a good chance these fellows are descendants of Atlantis, an ancient continent said to have disappeared into the ocean thousands of years ago without a trace. :'''Tea''': Are you sure? :'''Duke''': Professor, If your hunch is right, Why would these people want to destroy what was left of their ancestors' city? :'''Arthur''': They must be trying to hide something. Those ruins revealed the history of Atlantis, and it's not a pleasant one. They must what to keep it a secret. :'''Yami Yugi''': How much of this history do you know? :'''Arthur''': Thousands of years ago, Atlantis was home to the most advanced civilization the world had ever known. It truly was a paradise on earth, a land of eternal tranquility where everyone lived in peace until one day, when a dreadful creature was called forth from the depths of the earth by an evil king. :'''Yami Yugi''': An evil king? Oh, no. ''[Flashes back to their first duel, Rafael told Pharaoh heard about the Pharaoh are the one responsible for the destroy Egypt.]'' :'''Tea''': ''[worried]'' What's wrong? Are you OK? :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm fine. :'''Arthur''': It seems this power hungry king drew his evil strength from a mysterious stone, and this stone drew it's strength from another world. :'''Joey''': It's that rock they wear on their neck, Isn't it? :'''Arthur''': I'm not sure. That's all I was able to translate. :'''Joey''': NO! :'''Tristan''': Chill out, man. you'll blow a gasket. :'''Joey''': You guys don't get it, do you? Those Atlantis freaks are trying to cover something up about this ancient mega-monster. :'''Duke''': Of course. There was probably something written in those ruins about how to destroy that thing before it destroys us. :'''Tristan''': I get it. Hey, Joey, I guess you had your good idea for the year. :'''Arthur''': The ruins may have been destroyed, but there are copies of the inscriptions at a museum. It's in [[Florida]], where I was doing my underwater research. :'''Tea''': Perfect. So all we have to do is go there and translate the rest. :'''Arthur''': Mm-hmm. :'''Joey''': What are we waiting for? Let's head to sunshine state and find out the secret to defeating these guys and saving Yugi, right? :'''Tristan''': I'm right behind ya, man! Goodbye to Death Valley, Hello to fun in the sun. :'''Duke''': That's great. Just one question: How are we supposed to get there? :'''Tristan''': We're doomed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kaiba''': ''[after hearing what happened to Yugi over the phone]'' YUGI LOST?! Yugi gave up his Duel Monsters crown to some nobody?! No one deserves that title but me! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[calmly]'' Hold on. :'''Kaiba''': I don't wanna hear another word! You're a disgrace to the game, Yugi! ''[hangs up]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': I'll book our flights and we'll take a train to the airport. I just hope we can save Yugi before it's too late. ===''On the Wrong Track'' [4.16-18]=== ====Part 1==== :''[at the train station]'' :'''Téa''': How this train ride anyway? :'''Joey''': Too long. :'''Téa''': ''[sighs]'' Any chance you wanna go instead of me, Duke? :'''Duke''': No can do, Téa. I gotta stick with Professor Hawkins in case those biker punks come back. :'''Tristan''': Duke's right. Plus he's gonna keep an eye on Rebecca too. :''[Flashback to Rebecca and Arthur see Pharaoh and his friends leaving]'' :'''Rebecca''': I wanna go too! They need a brain like mine to figure out how to save Yugi! Please!? :'''Arthur''': It's too dangerous. And the Pharaoh has enough on his mind already. :'''Rebecca''': Huh? :'''Arthur''': The last thing he needs is the responsibility of looking after you. His closest friend in the world's been taken from him. :'''Rebecca''': ''[cries ran back to the caravan]'' You don't understand anything, Grandpa! :'''Arthur''': Rebecca, wait! It's for your own good! :''[the flashback ends]'' :'''Duke''': You better get on the train before you miss your ride. :'''Joey''': We got plenty of time. :'''Tristan''': No, we don’t. :'''Joey''': Like I said "All Aboard!" :'''Téa''': Take care, Duke. :''[Joey, Tristan, Pharaoh and Téa are onboard the train carriages as the train horns blares and the train departed from the station as Duke waves to them.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Téa''': Come on, you gotta cheer up. I promise we'll get Yugi back. But in the meantime, you can't just sit around moping. It might feel better to talk about it. We can even come up with a plan together. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[sighs, gets up the seat and sadly walked off alone]'' Sorry Téa. :'''Téa''': Poor guy. ''[watches the Pharaoh walked off alone feeling sad after he lost the duel with Rafael]'' :'''Tristan''': Just let him go, Téa. :'''Téa''': Huh? :'''Tristan''': I think he needs to be alone for a while you know? :'''Joey''': He's already alone. :'''Téa and Tristan''': Huh? :'''Joey''': Isn't that the whole problem? He’s crushed. But he’ll be alright soon enough. ‘Cause we’re going to rescue Yugi, right guys? :'''Téa''': There’s no doubt. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' How could ''I'' have been so selfish? I gave in to the darkness within my heart... and Yugi paid the price. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|their last duel with Rafael as the Seal took Yugi instead]].]'' I've lost him forever. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tea''': ''[sighs]'' He's been gone for a while. :'''Tristan''': ''[notices the passengers are empty]'' Hey, Hold on. He's not the only one! :'''Joey''': Huh? :'''Tristan''': Call me crazy. But wasn't this train completely filled with passengers just a minute ago?! What's the deal!? How can a train full of people all of a sudden be empty!? :'''Joey''': What?! :''[Joey and Tea sees passengers are empty]'' :'''Tea''': Alright. Now I'm officially freaked out! :''[back at Dartz's lair]'' :'''Dartz''': ''[evilly laughter]'' A vacant train is the least of your problems, my young friends. I'm just getting warmed up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tea''': There you are. :'''Yami Yugi''': Huh? :'''Joey''': 'Case you haven't noticed, Something weird's going on. :'''Tristan''': If you asked me. I'd say this whole train ride is another trap. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[gasp]'' :'''Joey''': I'm sure those same slime balls are behind this. and I bet they're onboard. :'''Tristan''': Well what are we standing here for? Let's get 'em! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': Pharaoh! Tea! Whatta we do now!? :'''Yami Yugi''': Get help! :'''Tea''': Come on, we have to find a way to stop this train! :'''Tristan''': Hey, we're slowing down! You heard 'em. we gotta get help. :'''Joey''': I know... but there's a problem. ''[he and Tristan jumps off the rail coaches]'' We're in the middle of nowhere! and we don't even know those two are gonna end up. Bye, guys. Hang in there. :'''Tristan''': I guess it's just you and me now. :'''Joey''': Hmm ''[sees Rex appears snickers in the railcar with his chaos duel disk on.]'' Huh? Rex!? What are you doing here? :'''Rex Raptor''': ''[jumps off the rail coaches and walks towards Joey and Tristan]'' I still have a score to settle with you, Wheeler. Remember? You tooked my Red Eyes Black Dragon. :'''Joey''': Rex, This is not the time. :'''Rex''': It’s the perfect time for revenge. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[sees Weevil appears on top of this train with his chaos duel disk on]'' Weevil Underwood! Are you behind this!? You'd better start explaining yourself! :'''Tea Gardner''': Weevil? What are you what with us, worm boy! :'''Weevil Underwood''': What are you think I what? A rematched with the king of games! :'''Tea Gardner''': Are you nuts!? :'''Weevil Underwood''': I'm just in the mood for a friendly duel. :'''Yami Yugi''': Weevil, Who put you up to this? :'''Weevil Underwood''': No one did. I figured this was a good time to test out my new secret weapon, that's all. :'''Tristan Taylor''': Is that magic rock the professor told us about it! Where did you find that thing, Raptor!? :'''Joey Wheeler''': I knew it! ''He's'' working for ''them!'' :''[back on the train]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': You've been brainwashed, Weevil! :'''Téa''': Wake up! Those guys are just using you! :'''Weevil''': Who cares! as long as I have ultimate power! :'''Yami Yugi''': You're ''wrong!'' :'''Weevil''': Then just duel ''me!'' :'''Téa''': Wait a minute! :'''Yami Yugi''': Huh? Téa, no! It's too dangerous! :'''Téa''': Weevil! Don't you realize that if you go through with this duel, one of you guys is gonna lose your soul forever!? :'''Yami Yugi''': Téa. :'''Weevil''': Of course I do, Téa. That's the whole reason I'm here! To make him pay by ''sealing him away!'' :'''Téa''': Oh! :'''Yami Yugi''': Oh no! :'''Weevil''': Don't worry. Soon you'll be locked away with your friend Yugi, Pharaoh! ''[laughing]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Where is ''he!?'' Tell me! :'''Weevil''': I'm afraid the only way to find out is to duel me. so if you back down now, then you'll never see that little twerp again! :'''Yami Yugi''': Very well! Then let's duel! :'''Weevil''': ''[laughing]'' Wise choice, Pharaoh! ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' :'''Rex''': ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' I'm gonna enjoy this! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey Wheeler''': What did you do to my friends!? :'''Rex Raptor''': Nothing! Weevil's dealing with those two losers why I handled you two. :'''Tristan Taylor''': Weevil? So he's in on this train too. :'''Joey''': Rex, you guys pick the wrong side to join. :'''Rex''': Oh really? Well, we'll just see about that won't we. I've been given more power then you ever dreamed of! :'''Joey''': ''[growl]'' Look, Rex, not only can I duel circles around your sorry behind but you're half my size! So why don't you get out of my way before I step on you! :'''Rex''': Sorry, pal. I'm not going anywhere till we duel! So draw your cards and let's get it on, chump! I've got a duel to win! :'''Tristan''': Now what? :'''Joey''': ''[sighs]'' I warned them. Now let's trample this geek and then go find Yugi and Téa. :'''Tristan''': Good call. :'''Rex''': Oh yeah? You'll change your mind when ''I'' activate this card! :'''Joey and Tristan''': Huh? :'''Rex''': ''[snickers and holds up "The Seal of Orichalcos" card]'' Look familiar!? :'''Tristan''': The Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Joey''': Drop the card! That thing is evil, Rex. I'm telling ya, you have no idea what you're doing! :'''Rex''': You're not so tough now! Are you, Wheeler! ''[laughs and activates the card]'' :'''Joey''': ''He'' played it! :''[Joey and Tristan grunting and as Rex screams]'' :'''Tristan''': Aah! :'''Joey''': No, Tristan! :'''Rex''': Ahh! Ha Ha Ha! Now... That's what I call power. :'''Joey''': What was ''he'' thinking playing that! :'''Tristan''': Be careful, man! He just raised the stakes a this duel big time! Now who ever loses the game, loses their soul! :'''Joey''': Gee, Thanks for the reminder. :'''Rex''': Let's do this. It's payback time! :'''Joey''': Sorry, Rex. ''I'' won't duel ''you!'' :'''Rex''': You don't have much ''choice!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Weevil Underwood''': I won’t keep you in suspense any longer! ''[snickers]'' It’s my move! ''[holds up "The Seal of Orichalcos" card]'' And I think I’ll play the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Yami Yugi''': Weevil, don’t be a fool! :'''Weevil Underwood''': What seems to be the problem, Pharaoh? You’ve played this card before, haven’t you? If I’m not mistaken, this is what you used to lock little Yugi away! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Looks like the battles are underway. :'''Rafael''': Yes, Master. And if all goes well, the soul of the Pharaoh will soon be yours. Of course, we win no matter what, because whatever the final outcome is, we get two souls. :'''Dartz''': ''[evilly snickers]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rex Raptor''': Are you gonna duel, Wheeler? or just stand there like a loser while I take you apart? :'''Joey Wheeler''': I got no choice. Alright I didn't wanna do this... But you got yourself a duel! :'''Tristan Taylor''': Are you sure? :'''Joey Wheeler''': It's the only way to save Yuge, so yes. :'''Rex Raptor''': Good answer. I've been waiting for this moment for years. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': ''[evilly snickers]'' It won't be long now. The soul of the Pharaoh is nearly in my grasp. After all we have the perfect bait. ''[evilly laughter]'' :''[To Be Continued...]'' ====Part 2==== :''[Joey and Rex were still dueling with Panther Warrior, the two Gilasaurus and Kaitoptera still on the field]'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': Dude, you've got three dinos breathing down your neck! You better think of something before you're extinct! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Gee, thanks. :'''Rex Raptor''': You're in way over your head! Thanks to the Seal of Orichalcos, I can never be beat, but enough talk! On with the Duel! ''[draws Polymerization from his Deck]'' It's showtime. First, I'll use Polymerization to combine my Gilasaurus with my Kaitoptera to form Horned Saurus! ''[Horned Saurus appears on the field]'' But you ain't seen nothing yet! Next I'll play Giant Rex! ''[Giant Rex also appears on the field]'' And the Seal of Orichalcos gives my Jurassic giants a power boost! ''[Horned Saurus' and Giant Rex's eyes glow red as the Seal of Orichalcos raises their attack by 500]'' Time to get prehistoric on you, Wheeler, by letting my ravenous meat-eaters chow down on your Life Points! My Horned Saurus is up first! Now, attack Wheeler directly! :'''Tristan Taylor''': How can he do that when you've got a monster on the field? :'''Rex Raptor''': Easy, Horned Saurus has a special ability that lets him bypass your monsters and go straight for your Life Points! Tough break. ''[Horned Saurus fires a shockwave blast on top of Joey, making Joey's Life Points drop to 1500]'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': That runt is kicking your butt! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Thanks for the help. You're a real pal. :'''Rex Raptor''': For my next trick, Giant Rex will make your Panther Warrior disappear! ''[Giant Rex attack and destroys Panther Warrior]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Be patient, Great Leviathan. Soon the soul of the Pharaoh shall be yours. ''[evil laughing]'' :'''Weevil''': ''[chucking]'' You’re about to pay the ultimate price, and I’ll be known as the duelist who dethroned the king of games! :''[To Be Continued...]'' ====Part 3==== :'''Yami Yugi''': My dragon! He abandoned me! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rex Raptor''': Please Save me! ''[screaming as the Oricalchos claims Rex's soul]'' :'''Joey Wheeler''': ''Sorry, Rex. It's the only way.'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': Rex! Come on, man wake up! I know you're in there somewhere so snap out of it. :'''Joey Wheeler''': It's no use, Tristan. The Orichalcos has him now. But I promise we'll get him back. As soon as we find Pegasus and Yugi. :'''Tristan Taylor''': Yeah, but how? :'''Joey Wheeler''': But first we gotta figured out where this Dartz guy hangs out. Find him, and we'll find them. YOU HEAR ME, DARTZ?! WE'RE COMING TO GET YOU! AND WE'RE NOT LEAVING WITHOUT OUR FRIENDS! ''[echoes]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Yami Yugi and Weevil's Duel is still underway with Breaker the Magical Warrior, Poison Butterfly and Armored Centipede on the field]'' :'''Weevil Underwood''': I'll tell you what. Because I feel sorry for you, I'd be willing to do you a little favor before you lose. I have a card in my pocket I think you'd like to see. I can't wait to see the look on your face! ''[laughs hysterically]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[snarls]'' ''Weevil!'' :'''Weevil Underwood''': Relax, Pharaoh, I'm just trying to be nice. It's the least I can do to repay you for ruining my life. You wanna see Yugi, right? ''[the flashback cuts in]'' His spirit is trapped, deep in the caverns of Dartz's lair, and I know how to set him free! ''[cuts back to the present]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Tell me how to save him right now! :'''Weevil Underwood''': ''[laughs]'' Very well. In order to release his soul, you'll need a special card. ''[takes out a Gokibore card out of his pocket]'' And I've got it right here. :'''Yami Yugi''': What?! Then hand it to me now! :'''Weevil Underwood''': That's not a nice way to ask! Why don't you try saying, "Pretty please, with sugar on top"? ''[Yami Yugi walks short, but realizes that Weevil was bluffing]'' Oh, well, too late! So it looks like I'll have to teach you a lesson in manners! Now say goodbye! ''[rips the Gokibore card in half]'' Yugi's gone FOREVER! ''[Yami Yugi, having witnessed Weevil rip the card, suddenly erupts into an uncontrollable rage]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[roars ferociously]'' '''NO!''' :'''Weevil Underwood''': ''[laughing]'' :'''Tea Gardner''': ''[in tears]'' No. Poor Yugi. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[furiously]'' You snake! :'''Weevil Underwood''': ''[laughs]'' Don’t you know a joke when you hear one? I tore up a useless bug card. :'''Tea Gardner''': Huh? ''[anger]'' Weevil, That’s not very funny! :'''Weevil Underwood''': You people have no sense of humour! :'''Yami Yugi''': You'll pay for that! You hear me, Weevil!? :'''Weevil Underwood''': Ha! Huh? :'''Yami Yugi''': You'll pay dearly! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Weevil Underwood''': ''[thinking]'' Yugi's been planning this all along! :'''Yami Yugi''': It's the beginning of the end for you! ''[draws a monster card from his Deck]'' I've drawn Queen's Knight! ''[discards Queen's Knight to the Graveyard]'' And since it's a monster, my warrior can attack! Go! ''[Breaker attacks Weevil's Life Points, making them go to 700]'' Now, for my next card! ''[draws Gazelle the King of Mythical Beasts]'' Looks like you're out of luck. Attack again! ''[Breaker makes a second attack at Weevil, making Weevil's Life Points drop to 0]'' I draw again! ''[draws Big Shield Gardna]'' Another monster! ''[Breaker delivers the third blow to Weevil]'' This just isn't your day! ''[draws Alpha the Magnet Warrior and Breaker attacks Weevil while Tea tearfully witnesses the moment]'' Breaker, attack him again! ''[Breaker delivers the last blow to Weevil, just as the Oricalchos claims Weevil's soul]'' Let's see. ''[draws Dark Magician Girl]'' Oh, well... :'''Tea Gardner''': ''[rushes to Yami Yugi in tears]'' Please, Pharaoh! No more! :'''Yami Yugi''': Let me go! :'''Tea Gardner''': You can stop now. It's over. You've already won the duel. The Seal of Oricalchos is gone. We have to put an end to all this. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''Tea's right'', ''[holds Dark Magician Girl card]'' ''I have a promise to keep.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': So many souls, so little time. The Great Leviathan is growing impatient. I must supply him with the power he needs to awaken… and for that, I need the soul of the Pharaoh. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Tell me where Yugi is! :'''Tea Gardner''': Pharaoh... It's no use. You won. So the Seal of Oricalcos took Weevil away. Pharaoh? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': No! I need him alive! ===''Self Destruction'' [4.19]=== :''[after the train derails and falling off the cliffs a passenger car on the river, at Dartz's lair Dartz not happy]'' :'''Dartz''': ''[stands up]'' Somehow I've lost contact with the Pharaoh. :'''Rafael''': Maybe he didn't survive the fall. :'''Dartz''': He did. However, Something or someone is hiding him from my vision. :'''Rafael''': Then let me be your eyes, Master. I'll track him down and make up for my failure. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chris''': ''[offscreen]'' Skye! Get back here! Skye! ''[appeared enter the tent]'' That's no way to treat our guests. ''[to Pharaoh and Téa]'' Sorry if she woke you up. :'''Yami Yugi''': Who are you? How did you find us? :'''Chris''': You can call me Chris. ''[giggles]'' And you've already met Skye. She's the one that found you. She was sniffing around for food and ended up sniffing out you guys instead. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ironheart''': I see your strength is back. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes, Thank you. :'''Ironheart''': Pleased to hear it. You two had me worried. By the way, the name is Ironheart, and I believe this belongs to you. Pardon me for being intrusive... But I couldn't help noticing you possess the legendary Eye of Timaeus... The only one of it's kind. :'''Yami Yugi''': Take it. I'm not deserving of it's power. :'''Téa Gardner''': That's not true. :'''Ironheart''': I'll hold it until you're ready. :'''Téa Gardner''': Did you find another kid? He had glasses and a bad haircut? He was on the train with us it crashed. :'''Ironheart''': No, I'm afraid you were the only ones we found. Perhaps your friend was able to escape before the train fell off that cliff. I assure you, there wasn't another soul on board. :'''Yami Yugi''': I highly doubt Weevil was able to escape. Not in the condition he was in. I'm afraid there's a greater power at work here. :'''Ironheart''': I must say, young man. You seem to possess a wisdom that reaches far beyond your years. Now, I've encountered many people in my travels... but there's something about you i've never seen before... something in your eyes. I'm also sensing that you hold a great deal of loneliness in your heart. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's because I recently lost a very close friend of mine. His name is Yugi Muto. And now... I'm on a journey to find his soul. :'''Ironheart''': What will you do if you find him? :'''Yami Yugi''': I’ll apologize for betraying his trust and abandoning him. :'''Ironheart''': Hmm. I might just be able to help. Follow me. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Rafael jumps on the rail carriage after the train falls off the cliff looking for the Pharaoh.]'' :'''Rafael''': Hey, Pharaoh! You in there or not!? How did he escape? ''[looks at the mountain]'' I'LL FIND YOU, PHARAOH, WHEREVER YOU ARE! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi Muto''': Is that really you? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi! :'''Tea''': Hey, It's him! :'''Yami Yugi''': I've found you! Hmm? :'''Yugi''': You came all this way just to see me? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes of course, I just want you to say how sorry I am. :'''Yugi''': I'm sorry too, I wish this whole thing never happened. :'''Yami Yugi''': It's my fault. I surrendered to my inner darkness. I allowed my anger to take over and you paid the price. But now that you're gone, The darkness is starting to grow without your light to keep me pure... I'm becoming evil, Yugi. I'm beginning to believe that what Rafael said about me is true. Perhaps I was a [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|wicked pharaoh]]. ''[Flashes back to their first duel, Rafael told Pharaoh heard about the Pharaoh are the one responsible for the destroy Egypt.]'' What if I am the one responsible for the destruction of Egypt? If I'm capable of such horrific behavior then it's my soul that should be locked away. :'''Yugi''': Well, What good is that now!? ''I'm'' the one who's been locked away forever, Not ''you''! :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm sorry? :'''Yugi''': Well, The last thing I need is your pity, Pharaoh! If You're really evil there's only thing to do. :'''Yami Yugi''': What are you saying? :'''Yugi''': You said it yourself, Didn't you? Your spirit should be locked away with mine. And I'm gonna do it. :'''Yami Yugi''': Wait! You misunderstood me! :'''Yugi''': Oh, So now you're taking back what you said!? Make up your mind! ''You'' don't deserve to be a part of this world! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[shocked]'' Yugi. :'''Yugi''': It's about time you started taking some responsibility for what you've done! There's only one thing left to do and you know it! You need to be a man for once and face me in a duel now! :'''Yami Yugi''': No please. :'''Yugi''': Too late! It's time for you to pay! If you're really sorry then you'll do this! It's time to duel! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tea''': Wait, So he's gonna duel himself. But why? :'''Ironheart''': This is the only way. :'''Tea''': Huh? :'''Chris''': That's why we took you guys here. So the pharaoh can face his other half. He has to deal with what he did so he can put it all behind him and finally move on. :'''Tea''': How do you know all this stuff? :'''Chris''': We've always known this. We were taught that a warrior would come to save our world. And as soon as we found you guys, We knew that he was the one. :'''Tea''': So, what's he supposed to do now? :'''Ironheart''': His first step is to face his inner fears and conquer the darkness that lurks within his heart. But if he loses this battle, The pharaoh's spirit will remain here forever. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Why are ''you'' acting like this?! :'''Yugi''': I'm just a reflection of ''you''! :'''Yami Yugi''': What do you mean, Yugi!? :'''Yugi''': You don't get it, do you? You and I are exactly the same. So the darkness that's in your heart... is also inside my heart. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi, I wish I could take it back. :'''Yugi''': Too late! You've already shown me who you really are an evil pharaoh who cares only about himself! Face the Facts! ''You'' didn't care what happened to me so long as you had power! Now it's my turn! :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi, wait! Are you holding the card I think you are!? :'''Yugi''': It's sounds like your starting to catch on aren't you, your highness? This duel is a chance for you to look at yourself from the outside. And there's only one card that can make that happen... The Seal of Orichalcos. :'''Yami Yugi''': Huh!? Yugi, no! ''[gasps]'' :'''Yugi''': Now it's pay back time, For taken my soul! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi… Don’t do this! Snap out of it! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': YUGI NO! I won't let you do this! ''[screaming]'' '''STOP!''' I ACTIVATE THE TRAP CARD... DIVINE WIND! :'''Yugi''': He did it! He was able to reverse my attack and double its strength to win the duel! :''[blast on Yugi and he screams and making his Life Points drop to 0]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': What have I done!? Yugi! :'''Yugi''': ''[groaning]'' :'''Tea Gardner''': Is he alright? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi! ''[running towards Yugi]'' Come on! ''[holds his body]'' Speak to me, Please! :'''Yugi''': You passed the test, pal. :'''Yami Yugi''': What are you taking about, Yugi? Did you plan this all along? :'''Yugi''': It was the only way. By defeating me you were able to defeat the darkness that was inside your heart. It wasn’t easy, But you did what was best for me and for mankind. You acted like a true hero. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[in tears]'' But now what? What can I do? :'''Yugi''': Don't give up this fight. Remember... I'm aways with you. ''[disappears]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[gasps see Yugi disappears]'' I'll save you! No matter what it takes. ===''Reliving the Past'' [4.20]=== :'''Téa''': Seems like the Pharaoh's in pretty bad shape down there. :'''Ironheart''': Of course. There's still a hole in his heart has Yet to be filled. :'''Téa''': ''[worried; thinking]'' Poor, guy. He still blames himself for what happened to Yugi. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[cries in tears after the duel with Yugi]'' Yugi, If it weren’t for me, You'd still be here. I'll never forgive myself. ''[Flashes back to their [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|last duel as the Seal took Yugi instead]].]'' Mark my words! I won't rest you until I get you back! Uhh! It's not fair! I should be locked away! Not you! I’m the one ''who'' played that evil card! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Meet Orichalcos Gigas! Attack the Pharaoh! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': I've got you right where I what you, Pharaoh. ''[evilly chuckle]'' :''[Rafael watches the Pharaoh and the Orichalcos soldier were still dueling with Obnoxious Celtic Guardian and Orichalcos Gigas still on the field]'' :'''Rafael''': Let's see you get yourself outta this. :'''Tea Gardner''': He's about to lose! :'''Ironheart''': There is but one thing that can save him. :'''Chris''': The card he gave you? :'''Ironheart''': Mmm. ''[grabs the card]'' The Eye of Timaeus. The creature that fought by my side so long ago. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': ''[spots at Ironheart]'' Who is that? :'''Ironheart''': Pharaoh! Take this card! :'''Yami Yugi''': Ironheart!? :'''Dartz''': You've disrupted my plans for the last time, old man. :''[lightning bolt strikes on Ironheart]'' :'''Ironheart''': AAH! :'''Yami Yugi''': IRONHEART! NO! :'''Chris''': GRANDFATHER! :'''Ironheart''': ''[groaning and collapses and holds up "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' Please take this card from me. It's the only way to defeat the beast. :''[Orichalcos blocks the Pharaoh on the field]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': I can't get out! :'''Chris''': Grandpa! :'''Ironheart''': It's up to you. :'''Chris''': What do you mean, Gramps? :'''Ironheart''': ''[groaning]'' Take this... and bring it to the Pharaoh. ''[Chris grab "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' Otherwise, All hope is lost. Good luck. ''[disappears]'' :'''Chris''': ''[gasps, sees her grandfather disappears in tears]'' No, Grandpa! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Please, Chris, Turn back! It's far too dangerous! :'''Chris''': ''[running, holds up "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' Pharaoh, My Grandpa want you to have this! ''[lightning bolt strikes on Chris]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': NO! :'''Chris''': ''[screaming]'' AAAAAHHHH! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Chris, No! :'''Chris''': ''[gasping]'' Pharaoh... ''[holds up "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' Take this... please. :'''Yami Yugi''': What is it? :'''Chris''': ''[groaning]'' It's the only thing that can stop him. It saved us once... and with your help it can save us again. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[grab and hold the card]'' The Eye of Timaeus. :'''Chris''': ''[smile and eyes closed]'' I trust you, Pharaoh. Thank you. ''[disappears]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[see Chris disappears]'' Hold on! Come back! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': There's only one thing left to do, ''[looks at "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' I hope you deem me worthy of your power, ''[close his eyes]'' I’m truly sorry for having betrayed you. But the lives are so many innocent people are getting hurt and depending on you, So I asked you not for myself, But for all those at risk. Please help me, Timaeus. The future of two worlds hangs in the balance, ''[open his eyes]'' we must win! No matter what. ''[draws Dark Magician Girl card]'' Now I sacrifice my Celtic Guardian in order to summon Dark Magician Girl! ''[summons Dark Magician Girl]'' Next I'll play... The legendary Eye of Timaeus! :'''Dartz''': He'll never learn. :'''Rafael''': ''[surprised]'' I don't believe it. He should never have been able to summon that dragon! :'''Yami Yugi''': Dark Magician Girl, fuse with Timaeus, forming Dark Magician Girl the dragon knight! Next, I'll enhance your strength with my Excalibur magic card! Attack! Destroy his creature of darkness! ''[Timaeus fire blast and Dark Magician Girl rise the sword and blast on the Orichalcos Gigas and the Orichalcos Soldier Blasting light]'' YOU HEAR ME, DARTZ?! I'M COMING TO GET YOU! AND I'M NOT LEAVING WITHOUT MY FRIENDS! ''[echoes]'' :'''Dartz''': ''[thinking]'' This isn't over, Pharaoh. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey Wheeler''': I'm assuming you see that gigantic green sunset over there, right? :'''Tristan Taylor''': What do you think it is? :'''Joey''': Hmm? ''[holds "The Claw of Hermos" card glowing]'' I'm guessing it's got something to do with this. Let's just hope Téa and the Pharaoh are alright. Come on! ''[ran off]'' :'''Tristan''': Hey, Wait! It's your turn to carry Rex! ''[ran off to followed Joey]'' I know you can hear me! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[to Timaeus and Dark Magician Girl]'' Well done, my creatures. He's gone now. Thanks to you two. But I feel this is just the beginning. :'''Rafael''': I have to say I'm glad you won, Pharaoh. 'Cause now I can be the one who delivers your soul to Master Dartz. ''[walks away]'' :''[Tea spots at Ironheart, Chris and Skye along with the three legendary dragons in stone]'' :'''Tea Gardner''': Wait. That's a carving of Ironheart, Chris and Skye from 10,000 years ago? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes. :'''Tea Gardner''': So you mean to tell me that those guys were just ghosts or something? :'''Yami Yugi''': They're spirits who once fought a great war, and now they've been captured by Dartz. ''[Tea stands up then she and the Pharaoh turns around and walks away]'' This gives me three more reasons to hunt down this madman and bring peace to the world once again. ===''Deck of Armor'' [4.21]=== :'''Yami Yugi''': Take my hand. We're back where we left off. :'''Téa''': Nice. Now all we have to do is follow those railway tracks. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's right. If all goes well, they should lead us straight to Tristan and Joey. assuming they haven't wandered off. :'''Téa''': They better be there. We have to do what we set out to do. Figure out where this Dartz creep hangs out so we can set free everyone he captured. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes, Téa. I only wish it were that easy. :'''Téa''': And remind me never to get on the train again. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Inside Paradius headquarters Mai at the meeting room with Dartz, Valon, Rafael, and Alister after Joey defeats Rex Raptor at the middle of nowhere on the railway line]'' :'''Mai Valentine''': Just leave Joey Wheeler to me. :'''Rafael''': You'll do nothing until Master Dartz gives you an assignment. :'''Mai Valentine''': What is this, Third grade? I decide who I'm gonna duel for myself. I don't wait for the homework assignment. :'''Rafael''': Why don't you show a little respect? :'''Alister''': Come on, Raf, as if little miss loud mouth knows respect? :'''Mai Valentine''': What did you call me? :'''Rafael''': Relax. :'''Mai Valentine''': Look, I was doing perfectly fine until Johnny stuntman over there stepped in. If it wasn't for you, I would a won. As for you, I don't need some scrawny freak dictating my every move! I'm out of here, losers! ''[opens the door]'' Humph! ''[walks off alone]'' :'''Dartz''': Just let her go, Valon. :'''Valon''': Hmm? :'''Dartz''': She can try to run away from fate, But in the end she'll get what she deserves. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': I know you’re deep down you feel the way I do, Mai. :'''Mai''': What? :'''Valon''': That’s why we found each other. You’re just like me… Lonely and misunderstood. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duke Devlin''': ''[driving]'' Should we have left so soon? :'''Rebecca Hawkins''': Of course. Time is running out. We have to catch up with the others now. ''[inside the caravan, Arthur was asleep]'' Besides, Gramps can get just as much rest on the road. Plus, we can't translate those ancient ruins without his help, Duke. :'''Duke''': Huh? ''[spots at Valon with Mai Valentine]'' Hey Rebecca, look, It's Mai Valentine. But what's she doing here? Wait a sec! That guy... ''[Flashes back to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|Joey and Mai's first duel]], Duke saw Valon next to Rafael watching Mai against Joey]'' I recognize him. He's one of those biker punks that brainwashed Mai. ''[cuts back to the present]'' He works for Dartz. :'''Rebecca''': Stop the car, Duke! :'''Duke''': Rebecca! Hold on! We’re dealing with a lunatic here! :'''Rebecca''': Alright, Tell me what you did with Yugi?! You guys had no right to take him! :'''Valon''': Sorry, kid, Never heard of him. :'''Rebecca''': Well, maybe this’ll refresh your memory! I win, You talk! Let’s duel! :'''Duke''': No, Rebecca! It’s too dangerous! :'''Rebecca''': I’ll be fine. I’ve dueled tougher opponents than this. So what are you say, punk? Do we have a deal or not? :'''Valon''': You can’t be serious, kid. :'''Mai''': Here’s your big chance. Why don’t you show me your stuff. :'''Rebecca''': Let’s go. I don’t have all day. :'''Valon''': Well, why not? She could use a lesson in manners and I got five minutes to kill. Plus I can sho off a few of my new dueling strategies. Alright. You talked me into it, mate. Let’s have a go. :'''Duke''': Hold on! If you dueling her then you'll dueling me too, tough guy! :'''Valon''': Peachy. Then I’ll take both of you blokes on. Ha. ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' Pay attention, Mai. This is for you. :'''Duke''': Remember, Rebecca, don’t let him play the seal of Orichalcos. :'''Rebecca''': Got it. :'''Valon, Duke and Rebecca''': Let’s duel! <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :''[Valon defeats Rebecca Hawkins and Duke Devlin in their duel.]'' :'''Rebecca''': Fine, You won. Now leave us alone. :'''Duke''': Get lost. :'''Valon''': Very well then, I gotta message for Joey Wheeler, tell that punk he's next. ''[laughing, then spots at Mai hops on her motorcycle]'' Where are you going, Mai. :'''Mai''': I told you, I worked alone! ''[droves off]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Téa, do you see what I see? :'''Téa''': You mean all those weird lights? :'''Yami Yugi''': I fear it’s the great beast. The same thing happened when it emerged the first time. ''[thinking]'' ''We’re running out of time.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Yes, Great Leviathan. Keep feeding, my child. You’re almost ready. ''[evilly chuckling]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Inside the KaibaCorp Airplane where Seto and Mokuba sitting on the seat]'' :'''Mokuba Kaiba''': You think it’s true, Seto? I mean, could Yugi really have lost to one of Alister's partners in a duel? And does that mean he’s trapped somewhere now? :'''Seto Kaiba''': It just means Yugi’s not as perfect as everyone thinks he is, and he’s not worth my time. We’ve got more important things to do. ===''Flight of Fear'' [4.22-23]=== ====Part 1==== :''[Kaiba and Alister's rematch duel begins]'' :'''Alister''': As the challenger, I'll start! And I'll summon my Science Soldier in defense mode! That's all for now. :'''Seto''': How pathetic. My move! I summon X-Head Cannon in attack mode! Now, X-Head Cannon, attack! Looks like you're defenseless. :'''Mokuba''': ''[worried; thinking]'' If Alister plays that Seal of Orichalcos, Seto's in big trouble! :'''Alister''': No big deal. Watch this! I play Cyber Soldier of Dark World. And next, I'll place one card facedown and end my turn. :'''Seto''': What a joke! My move! I summon Y-Dragon Head in attack mode! Attack his Cyber Soldier of Dark World, now! And now, X-Head Cannon, attack his Life Points directly! :'''Mokuba''': ''[thinking]'' Alister's making this too easy. :'''Seto''': I think that's just about enough punishment for now. I end my turn. ''[sets a card facedown]'' :'''Alister''': You sound pretty confident, Kaiba, but you'll change your tune. You've been so pretty occupied with your own monsters, you forgot what I have waiting in my deck. I guess I'll have to remind you. It's the card I used on you last time and it changes the entire playing field! :'''Seto''': ''[realizes]'' Hold it! Did you just draw what I think you did, Alister?! ''[turns to Mokuba]'' Mokuba, GET BACK! :'''Alister''': ''[raises the card up in his hand which is The Seal of Orichalcos]'' I activate the Seal of Orichalcos! ''[laughs as the Seal of Orichalcos grows the circle which engulfs the room and knocks Mokuba away from it's boundary]'' :'''Seto''': Mokuba! ''[beams of green light shoot out of the plane and as Alister screams, the plane's controls end up being sabotaged, including the autopilot]'' This can't be real! ''[The Seal of Orichalcos rises Kaiba and Alister up to the top of the plane]'' What's going on, Alister? :'''Alister''': ''[with his eyes glowing red]'' I just needed some air, that's all. <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> ====Part 2==== <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Man''': Master Dartz, I've just received word from our business division. :'''Dartz''': Yes, go on. :'''Man''': The Takeover was a success. Congratulations, Master. Kaiba Corp now belongs to you. ===''Paradise Found'' [4.24]=== <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': I got the images, And my grandpa's looking them over now. :'''Yami Yugi''': Good. Let's meet up as soon as possible. Oh, And one more thing… I'm sorry. :'''Arthur Hawkins''': Rebecca, You can't blame the Pharaoh for what happened to Yugi. :'''Rebecca''': ''[looks at her grandfather worried]'' Huh? :'''Arthur''': There's far too much at stake for hurting his feelings. You must be so hard on him. Right now, We're all fighting a common enemy. And this data may be our only hope. :'''Rebecca''': ''[sadly]'' You're right. :'''Arthur''': Pharaoh, The quality of the images is much worse then I thought. Unless we clear up these photos I won’t be able to read much at all. :'''Seto Kaiba''': Set a course for Kaiba Corporation headquarters immediately. :'''Tristan''': Dude, are you nuts. :'''Tea''': Dartz and his gang must’ve taken over the place by now. :'''Seto Kaiba''': The only way we can process these images fast enough is by using computer system, so we have no choice. :'''Joey''': Say what?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Kaiba has a good point, Joey. :'''Joey''': He does? :'''Yami Yugi''': First, they took Pegasus away… and now they’ve taken over Kaiba's company. Which means we've got to stop these criminals before they make their next move, and we have no time to lose! :'''Seto Kaiba''': Wow… You're more hung ho than I expected. You know, since you lost your title and all. :'''Yami Yugi''': Kaiba, this fight is about so much more than a mere championship dueling title. Don’t you see!? People are getting hurt and the world's in danger! :'''Seto Kaiba''': Hmm. Blah, blah, blah. Don’t you get tired of making the same speech every time you’re faced with a challenge? Stop saving the world and get a hobby. :'''Yami Yugi''': Rebecca, we’ll meet you two at the pier. :'''Rebecca''': 10-4 we’ll see you there. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': Master Dartz. :'''Dartz''': Take a look, Rafael. Your friend wasn't careful. :'''Rafael''': ''[spots at Alister in stone]'' Alister. :'''Dartz''': Don't sound so displeased. He's better off where he is now. Alister's energy, along with our other prisoners', will fuel the great beast. The Pharaoh and his friends will be arriving shortly. I trust you'll give them a warm welcome, Hmm. :'''Rafael''': He won't escaped me this time. <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Seto Kaiba''': ''[to Roland and Fuguta sent a soulless Alister and soulless Rex Raptor to the Hospital]'' Take those two to the medical center. I'm feeling generous. :'''Roland and Fuguta''': Right. :''[The KaibaCorp helicopter takes off to take Alister and Rex to the Hospital.]'' :'''Mokuba Kaiba''': Good luck, guys. :'''Joey Wheeler''': Stay safe. :'''Yami Yugi''': Professor, I'm glad you're alright. :'''Joey''': Me too. Hey, hows was the road trip, guys? :'''Duke''': Could a been better. We hit a pretty big snag on the way. :'''Joey''': Flat tire? :'''Duke''': We ran into Mai and one of those freaks. The one that jumped in and ended your duel. :'''Joey''': That jerk. :'''Duke''': He's really got it in for you, man. and I'm afraid Mai's still on their side too. :'''Joey''': Grr. Just wait until ''I'' find him! :'''Rebecca''': Hey, any word yet on Yugi? We have to find him. If you don't get him back, I'll never forgive you. Plus we need him to fight these guys! :'''Yami Yugi''': I miss Yugi, too. and I promise I will rescue him. You have word. But I need to pay a little visit to KaibaCorp first. :'''Rebecca''': Let me come with you! You'll need some tech support. :'''Seto Kaiba''': Ha! This Isn't some kind of field trip, kid. But I guess you can tag along if you want. :'''Rebecca''': I'm no kid! :'''Seto Kaiba''': Whatever you say, kid. I don't know about you geeks. But I have a company to save. So whoever's coming with me, let's move. :'''Mokuba Kaiba''': OK. :'''Tea''': Good luck and be careful. :'''Yami Yugi''': Right. :'''Tristan''': Alright, Tea. We better tell the police what's going on. The way this is heading we're gonna need all the help we can get. :'''Tea''': Yeah, good point. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Policeman 1''': Why don't you start over and this time try telling the truth? :'''Tea''': Don't you understand? That is the truth. There's a motorcycle gang going around stealing people's souls with a magic card. :'''Policeman 1''': Ha! You kids watched too many cartoons. :'''Tristan''': We're serious. These guys are trying to take over the whole world. :'''Policeman 2''': Really... Tell me something young man... this so called "gang"... do they wear a symbol like this! <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Here I come you creeps! :'''Rebecca''': Hey! Whoa! :'''Duke''': Get back here, Joey! Come on, man, we need a plan first! <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': This is Valon, Go ahead. :'''Rafael''': ''[on radio]'' The Pharaoh's friends are heading your way. :'''Valon''': Good, Then is time for me to show Joey Wheeler who's boss. :'''Rafael''': Valon, wait! :''[Valon turns off the radio and hops on the motorcycle droves off on the way back to the city]'' :'''Valon''': ''I gotta prove me-self to Mai.'' :''[Tristan and Tea saw Joey was running in the streets in the middle of the night]'' :'''Tristan''': Look, Here comes Joey! :'''Tea''': And there he goes. :'''Tristan''': Hey! Come back! You're going the wrong way! :'''Tea''': He's heading straight for the zombie patrol. :'''Tristan''': Go warn the others, Tea! I gotta stop him! ''[rans off]'' :'''Tea''': Tristan! :'''Joey''': ''I'm coming for you, Dartz and I'm not leaving without Yugi and Mai!'' :''[To Be Continued...]'' ===''Fighting for a Friend'' [4.25-29]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Tristan Taylor''': Joey, Come back! I'm wearing the wrong shoes for this! Joey, stop! :'''Joey Wheeler''': ''[stops and spots at the Orichalcos soldier]'' What's that?! :'''Tristan''': Uh, Joey. :'''Joey''': Yeah? :'''Tristan''': Maybe we should start running again. :'''Joey and Tristan''': ''[screaming]'' :'''Tristan''': Hey, stop! :'''Young guy''': You ever here looking both ways?! ''[droves off]'' :'''Tristan''': Hey, Hold on! :'''Joey''': You're going the wrong way! :'''Tristan''': Turn back! :'''Young guy''': ''[spots at the Orichalcos soldier]'' Whoa! Mommy! ''[falls off the motorcycle]'' It's just a dream... It's just a dream. ''[whimping and running away]'' :'''Joey''': See ya! ''[he and Tristan runs off as the Orichalcos soldier chases them]'' We've never out run this thing! :'''Tristan''': Joey! :''[Joey punches the Orichalcos soldier but then it shatters]'' :'''Tristan''': You beat him. :'''Joey''': ''[spots at Valon]'' Actually, I think he did. Hold on! I know you! [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|You're the ''one'' that took Mai!]] :'''Valon''': Right you are, mate! ''[droves turns around away]'' :'''Joey''': Hey! Come back! ''[runs after Valon]'' :'''Tristan''': Joey, Not again! Come back! :'''Joey''': ''[notices a motorcycle]'' This will do the trick. ''[puts the helmet on]'' Now... ''[picks up the motorcycle and hops on]'' Time to chase him down and save Mai! ''[droves off to chase Valon.]'' :'''Tristan''': Are you nuts?! ''[confused]'' I guess so. He's riding right into a trap. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': ''[chucking]'' Keep fighting, my soldiers. We must continue to collect the souls of man and beast, Until we have amassed enough power to rebuild Atlantis. ''[evil laughing]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Meanwhile Tristan was running a middle of the streets looking for Joey.]'' :'''Tristan''': Joey! Where are you?! ''[Mai’s motorcycle light appears towards him]'' Is that you Joey? :'''Mai Valentine''': ''[takes her bike helmet off]'' Not quite but I am looking for him. :'''Tristan''': Look, Mai… :'''Mai''': Save it, Dweeb! ''I'' know ''you’re'' his babysitter so where is ''he?!'' :'''Tristan''': How should ''I know?!'' One of ''your'' little pals forced him into a game of ''cat and mouse'' and now ''he's'' gone! :'''Mai''': ''[gasps]'' It’s Valon! :'''Tristan''': This is all your fault, Mai! ''[Mai puts her helmet on]'' ''You’re'' the one who got Joey into this mess in the first place! :'''Mai''': Out of my way! ''[drove off]'' :'''Tristan''': Hey! '''Get back here!''' The last thing ''he'' needs right now is '''''you!''''' ''[Mai ignores him and he growls]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': Here we are, old chum. Glad you could make it. Now let's get down to business, shall we? :'''Joey Wheeler''': Look, pal I want Mai back. :'''Valon''': Then why chase me? She happens to have a mind of her own, you know. :'''Joey Wheeler''': ''She'' did. At least... ''She'' did before ''you'' guys brainwashed ''her!'' :'''Valon''': You don't get it, mate. No one was brainwashed! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Huh? :'''Valon''': Mai chose to join ''our'' side with her own free will. And do you want to know why? She was sick of taking a back seat while you got all the fame! Then I stepped in and changed all that. :'''Joey Wheeler''': You messed with her head, that's what you did! She was the one of my best friends! But the last time I saw her she was saying things that Mai never would have said. :''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#My_Freaky_Valentine|he and Mai's duel she chose to join Dartz's team]] flashback ends.]'' :'''Valon''': Wake up, Wheeler! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Who do you think you are!? and what do you what with me? You better start Explain yourself, now!? :'''Valon''': Okay, look, the name's Valon, I led you here to get rid of you for good, 'cause Mai ''can't'' be happy with you around! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Huh? and what does that mean? :'''Valon''': You're a constant reminder of what here life used to be, and Mai whats to forget all that! But as long as you still exist in this world, she be never be able to forget! So, I'm here to erase you for good! ''[thinking]'' ''Plus, I know that deep down, Mai still loves you. and I can't have that!'' So, what do you say, Wheeler? Do we have ourselves a duel or not? Not that I'm giving you much of a choice! ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' :'''Joey Wheeler''': You know what, Valon, I never back down from a challenge especially when I'm fighting for a friend! Now let's duel! ''[their life points to 4000, Joey and Valon's duel begins]'' You're going down, My move. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': ''[panting]'' All right. I'm officially lost. ''[panting]'' Phew. I guess I can pretty much forget about finding Joey now. ''[but the Orichalcos soldier behind him]'' Huh? ''[Orichalcos soldier roaring]'' AHHH! YOU AGAIN?! ''[gulp]'' Hi, remember me? :'''Duke''': Huh? ''[stop the car]'' Tristan! :'''Mokuba''': What's going on? :'''Tea''': Maybe we should get someone else behind the wheel. :'''Duke''': Tristan needs our help, Look! :'''Tea''': ''[looks at Tristan with Orichalcos soldier]'' Oh no! :'''Tristan''': Come on! I’m taking whatever you got! :'''Yami Yugi''': Go, Celtic Guardian! :''[Celtic Guardian attacks Orichalcos soldier]'' :'''Tristan''': Huh? :'''Yami Yugi/Téa/Rebecca''': Tristan! :'''Duke''': Hey! Are you alright?! :'''Tristan''': Huh? ''[sees The Pharaoh, Téa, Duke and Rebecca running towards him]'' Thanks, Pharaoh. You came in the nick of time. Of course, I could have taken him myself. :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm afraid the only thing that would have been taken is your soul had we arrived any later. :'''Tristan''': I know, so those things are working for Dartz. :'''Téa''': Hey, Where's Joey? I thought you guys were together? :'''Tristan''': We were, Until he decided to hop on some guy's motorcycle and take off after one of Dartz's little flunkies. :'''Duke''': ''[shocked]'' You're kidding! :'''Rebecca''': Oh no! Was it Valon? :'''Tristan''': Who? :'''Duke''': It's Valon. He's the young guy that Rebecca and I dueled. :'''Téa''': Is that a bad thing? :'''Rebecca''': Not only does [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Deck of Armor|Valon have a thing against Joey]], but he's got a deck full of monsters I've never seen before. :'''Yami Yugi''': Let's go. We have to find Joey before it's too late. :'''Seto Kaiba''': That chump's gonna have to wait 'cause we've got bigger problems. :'''Yami Yugi''': What do you mean? :'''Seto Kaiba''': Look around you! ====Part 2==== :'''Joey Wheeler''': No, Not that! :'''Valon''': Well, looks like you're starting to catch on, mate. I play the Seal of Orichalcos! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': We’re just getting started. By the end of this duel, you’ll be begging for mercy. Then your old buddy Mai will see what a pathetic chump you really are, and hopefully she’ll realize why she walked out on you in the first place so she can move on already! :'''Joey''': Watch it, Valon! :'''Valon''': Look, mate… All I’m watching out for is myself! And right now, the best thing for me is to get rid of you! 'Cause as long as you’re around, Mai's gonna be obsessed with dueling you. :'''Joey''': Hmm? :'''Valon''': That’s right. Since your last duel, all she talks about is a rematch. But I can’t let Mai put herself in that kind of danger again… So I got to you first. You see Wheeler, I’m not such a bad guy. We both what the same thing. We want Mai to be happy. :'''Joey''': Come on, Valon… Get real. Ha. If you really wanted Mai to be happy… You wouldn’t have brainwashed her in the first place! :'''Valon''': I told you, ''She'' chose to join us! :'''Joey''': No way! I know Mai, and ''she'' never would have walked out on us like that. Not unless someone messed with her head! And if you asked me, This Dartz guy is messing with all of your ''heads!'' :'''Valon''': Hmm? :'''Joey''': That orichalcos card ''he'' gave you has evil magic in it, and it makes everyone who holds it go nuts! :'''Valon''': Are you done? If you are, then allow me to tell you the truth. That orichalcos card did more for Mai than you ever could. She was weak, and it made her strong! She was lost, and it showed her the way! :''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|Dartz joins Mai to part of Doma organization]], Dartz welcoming Mai.]'' :'''Dartz''': Welcome to our family, Miss Valentine. Now go, and remember the Orichcalos is always with you. :''[Mai went to see Valon outside]'' :'''Valon''': So, how's it feel? You've got what you always wanted. :'''Mai''': Look, I appreciate you taking me here... ''[holds up "The Seal of Orichalcos" card]'' But don't think this means I owe you anything. :'''Valon''': What? :'''Mai''': I do things my way. And I have no interest in being part of some team, Valon. I already made that mistake once and you know where it got me?Absolutely Nowhere. So, no, thanks. :'''Valon''': ''[chuckles]'' I know what you mean. You and I are exactly the same, Valentine. :'''Mai''': Hmm? :'''Valon''': We're both loners. But you have to admit... Sometimes it's not all that fun. :''[Then [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#The_Creator_Returns|After she tooked Pegasus' soul]], she has a long face]''. :'''Valon''': Why the long face, Mai? You just accomplished your first mission with flying colors. :'''Mai''': Yeah, I know, Valon. But defeating Maximilion Pegasus meant nothing to me. :'''Valon''': Huh? :'''Mai''': There's only one person out there I need to take apart, and that chump is Joey Wheeler. :''[flashback ends]'' :'''Valon''': Mai can’t stand the sight of you. And neither can I, mate. So I plan to take you down for her. Once you’re out of the picture, she can move on to bigger and much better things. Like teaming up with me and leaving behind her past once and for all! :'''Joey''': No way, Valon. Mai would never want to get rid of me after what we’ve been through. We’re friends! ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 1)#Keith's Machination|Joey and Mai inside the castle at Duelist Kingdom]]. flashback ends]'' Mai has nothing in common with you. So she may be a little rough around the edges and she can have an attitude every once in a while, but she’d never join up with a bunch of low-lives who have some crazy plan to take over the world. :'''Valon''': We’ll just see. :'''Joey''': Whatever you guys did to her… I’m gonna undo as soon if I’m gonna win this… so why do we moved on! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': I know Valon's around here somewhere and I have to stop this duel now. I better be too late 'cause I’m gonna make Wheeler pay for what he did to me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': Let's try this again. ''[typing the laptop]'' Come on... ''[groans]'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': Hey! Any luck in there, Rebecca? :'''Tea Gardner''': You've asked five times. She's working as fast as she can. :'''Duke Devlin''': Aren't ''you'' the one who told us to have faith? :'''Tristan Taylor''': Why don't ''you'' get off my back, Duke! Joey's in trouble, and it we don't move fast things could get even worse! :'''Tea Gardner''': Take it easy, Tristan. :'''Tristan Taylor''': I can't, Tea! Don't you guys see that this whole thing is my ''fault''!? :'''Yami Yugi''': No, Tristan. :'''Tristan Taylor''': When Joey and I got [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#On_the_Wrong_Track|separated from you guys]], ''he'' told me about his plan, and I should have talked to him out of it then. :''[Flashes back to Joey and Tristan carry Rex Raptor on the railway tracks to find Tea and the Pharaoh, but Joey long face.]'' :'''Joey Wheeler''': I just figured it all out. :'''Tristan Taylor''': Figured what out? What are you talking about, Joey? :'''Joey Wheeler''': Why [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|Mai teamed up with those low-lives]]. It's 'cause I was a terrible friend. I let her down. :'''Tristan Taylor''': That's crazy. :'''Joey Wheeler''': But it's true. If Dartz maybe the one that brainwashed her. But I'm the one that drove her away in the first place. Now I gotta go and set things straight by finding these guys and breaking that spell! :'''Tristan Taylor''': But how? ''[confused]'' Aw, man. :''[cuts back to the present]'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': What was I thinking?! How could I let him do this?! :'''Tea Gardner''': Joey's got a mind of his own, Tristan. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' ''Let's just hope he's using with his legendary dragon the Claw of Hermos.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': My move! ''[draws the card]'' Look out! Now we’re taking. Let’s see stand up to this guy! ''[holds up the "Claw of Hermos" card]'' :''[To Be Continued…]'': ====Part 3==== :'''Tristan''': I can't wait around anymore! ''[grunting]'' Joey needs our help and ''he'' needs it now! :'''Téa''': Tristan, you must chill. :'''Duke''': Téa's right, Tristan. Without Kaiba's tracking system we have no hope of finding him. :'''Tristan''': Am I the only one here who understands what's going on? Joey may be losing his soul as we speak. Let's go! :'''Téa''': I didn't think of it like that. Maybe we should go. :'''Yami Yugi''': Not yet. We have to have faith that Rebecca can find him. Until then I know Joey can take care of himself. He's been in tough situations before. :'''Téa''': Not this tough. :'''Rebecca''': Hey, I did it! I finally found Joey. If this read out's right, Joey's not far, guys. :'''Yami Yugi''': All right, I'll takes this and track him down. You move the trailer to a safer place. :'''Tea''': Not so fast Pharaoh. ''[Pharaoh stops and looks at Tea and Tristan]'' You're not going alone. :'''Tristan''': That's right. We're all this together. :'''Yami Yugi''': I guess You've made up your minds. ''[smile]'' Thank you. Now let's go. :'''Rebecca''': Ahem. :'''Yami Yugi''': Rebecca, You stay here. Duke, can you keep an eye on them until we get back. :'''Duke''': You got it. :'''Rebecca''': No, I want to go, too. Come on, Grandpa. :'''Arthur''': Uh-uh We've got our own work to do. We need your talents back here. :''[Rebecca sighs]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Rebecca, as soon as Joey safe, we'll find Yugi. :'''Rebecca''': Promise me he's all right. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi's going to be just fine. I promise. Please, trust me. :'''Duke''': Come on, man, you don't have a second to lose, so go kick some butt and take names. :'''Yami Yugi''': Well, that's one way to put it. :'''Tristan''': Let's chit-chat later, OK. :'''Rebecca''': Good luck with everything. :'''Yami Yugi''': You, too. :'''Arthur''': If you need us, just call. :'''Yami Yugi''': Right. :''[They ran off together to find Joey]'' :'''Arthur''': Don't worry, Rebecca. ''[Rebecca looks at her grandfather]'' Yugi will be back here safe and sound in no time at all. :'''Rebecca''': But how do you know? :'''Arthur''': Because I believe in the Pharaoh, and you should too. :'''Rebecca''': Fine. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': ''[thinking]'' You're mine, Wheeler. <hr width="50%"/> :''[When Mai showed up and found Valon in the duel with Joey]'' :'''Valon''': Hey, Mai! You're just in time to catch the end of the greatest duel ever played. :'''Mai''': ''[takes off her helmet]'' You and I had a deal, remember!? Joey Wheeler's mine! ''[Orichalcos blocks her]'' Ah! :'''Joey''': Mai, no! :'''Mai''': Look, you've done enough, so why don't you take a hike and let me finish this!? :'''Valon''': Sorry, no can do. :'''Mai''': Huh? :'''Valon''': I'm having way too much fun out here to stop now. Plus this duel is no place for you. :'''Mai''': Why's that? :'''Valon''': There's too much at stake. I won't let you risk losing everything you have. That's why I challenged Joey Wheeler in the first place to protect you. I wanted to get rid of him so you'd be able to move on with your life, and that's exactly what I'm gonna do. :'''Joey''': Guess what, Mai. I'm fighting for same reason. :'''Valon''': Then let's get on with it! Shall we? I can't wait to see what you play next. :'''Joey''': You're gonna have to wait, Valon, 'cause I play one card face down and end my turn. :'''Valon''': Big mistake, pal. ====Part 4==== :''[Joey and Valon were engaged in an armored standoff in the middle of the Oricalchos field]'' :'''Joey''': It's time to activate Big Bang Dragon Blow's special effect! ''[Joey tributes Red-Eyes Black Dragon to make Big Bang Dragon Blow supercharged]'' By sacrificing my Red-Eyes, I made my armored fist even more powerful! Now it's able to destroy all your monsters and subtract their strength from your Life Points! ''[Big Bang Dragon Blow builds up pressure against Valon and Joey sends Valon flying away from the center and destroying his Armor monsters]'' :'''Valon''': ''[skids to a halt]'' You did it. You won. ''[panting and making his Life Points drop to 0]'' Congratulations. Goodbye. :'''Mai''': ''[gasps]'' It's my fault. :'''Valon''': Don't be silly, Mai. I caused my own downfall. I thought if I won I could make you forget about Joey Wheeler. But now I understand why he meant so much to you. The guy's got heart. :'''Mai''': Valon, wait. :'''Valon''': Hey Joey, It's up to you now, Saved Mai. :'''Mai''': Valon! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Great Leviathan... I sense the arrival of powerful soul. Let's see who, shall we? ''[spots at Valon in stone]'' Well... look what the orichalcos dragged in. My former employee. Now it's Miss Valentine's turn to send me a soul... or to give up her own. ''[evily laughter]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mai hold Valon's lifeless body, her eyes full of tears]'' :'''Mai''': Valon. Come back... Valon. :'''Joey''': It's too late. The Orichalcos has him now. ''[Mai remembers to flashbacks to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Deck of Armor|what Valon said]] flashback ends]'' Hey, Mai... We'll get him back. :'''Mai''': How could he do this? Valon's the one who told me you have to duel for yourself. Then he turns around and fights you to protect me? How pathetic. Hmm. He deserved this. :'''Joey''': What? Look, Mai, Valon realized what ''he'' told ''you'' was wrong. ''He'' found out what dueling is really about determination and heart. :'''Mai''': Hmm. :'''Joey''': He fought like a true duelist today. :'''Mai''': I thought you wanted to destroy him. :'''Joey''': Hold on, Mai, Valon may have annoyed me... but no one deserves to have their soul taken away and then held captive by some power-hungry psychopath! I don't care who they are! :'''Mai''': Ha. :'''Joey''': You know what, Mai... ''I'' realize something now. As long as that Orichalcos thing has control over your mind, I'll never be able to talk any sense into you! As a matter of fact, the only way I can save you at this point is to duel you! So, what do you say!? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': I see. So you beat this loser and now it's gone to your head? :'''Joey''': It isn't like that, Mai. :'''Mai''': Why else would you be dumb enough to challenge me a duel? You should have learned your lesson from our last match. :'''Joey''': The only way I can get through to you… is by dueling you! :'''Mai''': If you say so. ''[activates her chaos duel disk]'' :'''Mai and Joey''': Let's duel! ''[their life points to 4000]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': Finally, you're giving me a ''real'' challenge… but you're gonna have to do better than that! 'Cause before my Aero Nail goes to the graveyard, it's transferring its power to my other Harpie! :'''Joey''': Fine! I place one card facedown! Give me your best shot! :'''Mai''': You're pretty confident for someone who's about to lose! Now, stand back! My move! I drew it. :'''Joey''': Oh, no! :'''Mai''': Yup! The Seal of Orichalcos! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': We're both locked in the Seal and only ''one'' of us will escape! No one can come to your rescue now. It's just you, me, and the most powerful magic card that's ever been created! :'''Joey''': I know. I was expecting this. ====Part 5==== :'''Téa''': We gotta find him! :'''Tristan''': Joey! Where are you, man?! :'''Téa''': Hey are you down there?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Joey! Answer us?! :'''Téa''': Hello?! :'''Tristan''': I could swear that Orichalcos thing activated right here. :'''Téa''': Me, too. So why isn't it here now? Unless we're too late! :'''Tristan''': Don't say that, Téa! :'''Yami Yugi''': Hang in there, Joey! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Congratulations. You win. :''[Collapses from exhaustion]'' :'''Mai''': Joey, no! You're wrong. I never attacked so you didn't lose the duel. :'''Joey''': But, I'm too exhausted... to finish. :'''Mai''': I won't let the Orichalcos take you away, Joey. :'''Joey''': It's too late for that. I already lost the duel, so there's no turnin' back. I'm just glad that if one of us had to lose our soul, it didn't have to be you, Mai. :'''Mai''': Don't say that. :'''Joey''': Hey, Mai, that was one of the greatest duels I ever fought. Thank you. :''[His spirit is taken by the Seal, leaving Mai horrified]'' :'''Mai''': Joey! NO! :''[The fragment of the Orchicalcos on her [[w: choker |choker]] shatters]'' :'''Dartz''': She's been set free! ''[spots at Joey Wheeler in stone]'' Ah! But what's this? It seems miss Valentine has served her purpose. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mai hold Joey's lifeless body, her eyes full of tears]'' :'''Mai''': Joey, wait! SNAP OUT OF IT! This is all my fault! I was angry and confused, and I blamed all my loneliness on you! So I tried to get rid of you. How could I be so selfish? You're the only one who ever cared about me. ''[sobbing]'' You're the closest friend I ever had, and how did I repay you? By leaving you for a madman who promised me power. ''[grabs the Claw of Hermos card]'' I'll make him regret the day he ever met Mai Valentine! ''[she hops the motorcycle droves off back to Paradius leaving Joey behind next to Valon.]'' ''The only way to fix this is to meet Dartz face to face.'' :''[Mai arriving back to Paradius headquarters and looks up]'' :'''Mai''': Here goes nothing. :''[?]'' :'''Mai''': Hey Dartz! Is that you? :'''Rafael''': Guess again, Mai. :'''Mai''': Rafael! What do you want!? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Pharaoh, Tristan and Tea arrives and they found a soulless Joey.]'' :'''Tristan''': ''[shocked]'' No way! :'''Tea''': What happened? :'''Yami Yugi''': He lost the duel. :'''Tea''': Wait, Does that mean? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes his soul belongs to Dartz now. ===''Grappling with a Guardian'' [4.30-32]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Téa''': Joey, please say something? :'''Yami Yugi''': I don't think he can hear us. :'''Téa''': Then it's true. The Orichalcos took his soul. :'''Tristan''': When I get my hands on the person who did this to Joey, they're gonna wish they were never born! Wake up, man. :'''Téa''': Who did do this? ''[she looks at the soulless Valon]'' 'Cause by the looks of Valon, I have to say it wasn't him. So Tristan what's going on here? :'''Tristan''': Don't you see Tea? Joey must have defeated Valon and then Mai showed up. ''She'' did this to him. I'm sure of it! :'''Téa''': How could she? :'''Tristan''': Easily. She couldn't wait to get rid of Joey. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's true, Tristan, However, There's only one person we can really blame for all of this, and I think you know who I mean. He hides safely in his fortress while others do his dirty work. Well, not anymore. ''[rans off]'' :'''Téa''': Pharaoh, Wait! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' This all ends now, Dartz. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': ''[voice-over, evilly laughing]'' We've been expecting you, Pharaoh. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Pharaoh looks at soulless Mai in the elevator]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[gasps]'' Mai? Mai, say something. She must have been in a duel, and it appears she lost both the duel and her soul belongs to Dartz now. I must put an end to this. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': Well, It's about time you showed up for our rematch. :'''Yami Yugi''': This doesn't concern you, Rafael. I'm here to see Dartz. Is your master so much of a coward that he sent you to do his battles for him? :'''Rafael''': Not quite. You owe me something. But first. ''[holds a card and he catches the card to the Pharaoh]'' Why don't you take this? :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[spots the Claw of Hermos card]'' It's the Claw of Hermos. Joey's card. So you're the one who defeated Joey, aren't you? :'''Rafael''': Actually, Mai beat Joey, then ''I'' defeated her. :'''Yami Yugi''': But why? Wasn't Mai on ''your'' side? :'''Rafael''': I never trusted her, and turns out I was right all along. ''[Flashback to his and Mai's duel inside Paradius; voice-over]'' After she took [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fighting for a Friend|Joey's soul]], ''she'' turned on us. :'''Mai''': I've had it with your ridiculous world domination mumbo jumbo and I want out! It's time for Dartz to answer for what ''he'' made ''me'' do to Joey. Let's see how ''he'' likes it when the orichalcos captures ''him!'' :'''Rafael''': You sure you don't wanna take that back? Dartz isn't exactly known for his sense of humor. :'''Mai''': So? :'''Rafael''': Then you leave me no ''choice.'' It's my duty to protect him, so goodbye to your soul. ''[activates his chaos duel disk and Mai activates her chaos duel disk, voice-over]'' Biggest mistake she ever made. :''[Rafael defeats Mai and she screaming as the orichalcos claims her soul away.]'' :'''Mai''': Joey! I'm sorry, I tried my best. ''[collapses and drops the Claw of Hermos card.]'' :'''Rafael''': ''[voice-over]'' Unfortunately, her best wasn't good enough. :''[the flashback ends]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': This madness has to stop. Just think of how many innocent lives have been destroyed. You may be next. :'''Rafael''': Do you think I really care? I made a commitment to help Master Dartz save the planet from crumbling at the hands of people like you, and if keeping my promise means giving up my own soul, well, then so be it, 'cause even if I'm captured, I'll be doing my part by giving the Great Leviathan the strength it needs to restore peace to the world once again. :'''Yami Yugi''': Wake up, Rafael! Can't you see that your so-called Master Dartz is just using you to satisfy his own selfish needs? If you really what to save the world, then stop fighting me and join my side. :'''Rafael''': As soon as the great beast is revived, I'm afraid your side will no longer exist, Pharaoh, and all it needs to get started is one more strong soul. :'''Yami Yugi''': Oh no. It's true. :'''Rafael''': You better believe it. as we speak, the Great Leviathan lurks in the shadows all over the earth. And as soon as I defeat you, your life energy will be offered to the beast, giving it the strength it needs to fully cross over into our world. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Tristan and Tea running the streets Tristan carried Joey]'' :'''Tristan''': Why did the Pharaoh take off liked that? :'''Téa''': He must've gone after Dartz for what happened to Yugi. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': As we speak, the most devastating creature that ever lived is waiting to rise again. All it needs now is your soul, and the Sacred Seal of Orichalcos will take care of that once I take you down. Of course, ''I'' already defeated you once, but somehow you were able to cheat me by switching places with someone else. ''[Flashes back to [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Fate_of_the_Pharaoh|their last duel as the Seal took Yugi]].]'' Don't even think about trying to pull a stunt like that gain, Pharaoh. I don't appreciate being lied to, and besides, there's no one for you to hide behind this time, 'cause now it's just you and me. The winner leaves a free man. The loser becomes a prisoner to the beast! :'''Yami Yugi''': You're on! If that's what it takes to set my friends free, then let's duel! And once you're out of my way, I can go straight for Dartz! It's just a shame that a duelist with your talents has to throw it all away by following a madman. :'''Rafael''': Look, Master Dartz opened me up the truth and made me who I am today. You're just jealous because you don't have one of these, right? ''[holds up the Seal of Orichalcos card]'' Well, not anymore, anyway. :'''Yami Yugi''': You can't tempt ''me'' with that again, Rafael. :'''Rafael''': I wasn't planning on it, but you can have one last look at it while you shuffle my deck… for old time's sake. :'''Yami Yugi''': I know what you're trying to do, and it won't work. I won't give in to my dark side! :'''Rafael''': We'll see about that. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' I must stay true to my heart, no matter what he tries to do. :''[The two shuffle their decks]'' :'''Rafael''': May the best man win...and when I do, you'll be gone forever. I'm gonna enjoy this. :'''Pharaoh and Rafael''': Time to Duel! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' I'm surprised he didn't play the Seal of Orichalcos right away. Perhaps he's toying with me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': Now I play Butterfly Dagger. This weapon gives my Backup Gardna 300 extra attack points. It also allows me to summon my Guardian Elma. :'''Yami Yugi''': I've never seen that Guardian monster. :'''Rafael''': There are plenty of monsters in my deck you've never seen, and this one lets me bring my Guardian Shield back from the graveyard. And I'll give it to Guardian Elma. Plus, my Backup Gardna's special ability transfers my Butterfly Dagger to Guardian Elma. Now, Guardian Elma… attack his Queen's Knight! Guardian Grarl, it's your turn now! Attack his King's Knight with Gravity Axe! What now, Pharaoh? What puny knight stands between me and your Life Points? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' He gave up his own strength to save his monster! ''[speaking]'' I'll place two cards face down and end my turn. ''[thinking]'' I've never come across a duelist like him before. He refuses to let any of his monsters go to the card graveyard. He protects them at all costs! Why would a duelist like this hold a card like the Seal of Orichalcos? ''[speaking]'' Rafael, don't you understand what's going on here? As long as you're loyal to Dartz, you'll never be true to yourself. You have too much respect for your cards to use them for such an evil purpose. But Dartz has brainwashed you into believing you're someone else! :'''Rafael''': The only thing Master Dartz did was open my eyes to the truth. :'''Yami Yugi''': You're ''wrong!'' :'''Rafael''': This world is an evil place, and ''you're'' part of the problem. So I'm here to fix that. And thanks to my master, I have just the tool to do it. Now, I play the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Yami Yugi''': NO, RAFAEL! PLEASE, DON'T! :'''Rafael''': Sorry, Pharaoh, it's too late for that now. Your fate is sealed! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Téa''': Hey look guys. It's Mai. :'''Mokuba''': ''[looks at soulless Mai]'' Oh, man. Don't tell me you guys she lost her soul too. :'''Tristan''': I don't mean to sound insensitive, but who's carrying her? :'''Yami Yugi''': You're making a mistake! RAFAEL! NO! ====Part 2==== :'''Rafael''': This time the Seal belongs to me! :'''Yami Yugi''': What were you thinking, Rafael? Now one of us is going to lose his soul. :'''Rafael''': That's the whole point, Pharaoh. The Great Leviathan needs power, and once I take you down and capture your soul, that legendary creature will have the strength it needs to awaken. :'''Yami Yugi''': We'll see. :'''Tristan''': That's the same guy who beat Yugi last time! :'''Seto Kaiba''': ''[shocked]'' What?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': It's time to bring out my ultimate monster, but first I'll play this card, Celestial Sword - Eatos! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' The Sword of Eatos? This can only mean one thing: he's about to summon Guardian Eatos! :'''Rafael''': Now I'll draw two cards. The time has come to play the card that beat you last time. It's my Guardian Eatos! :'''Yami Yugi''': I have to act quickly! With 500 Life Points left, I don't have much time! ''[Guardian Eatos soon becomes infected by the darkness of the Orichalcos]'' Look what you've done to your Guardian! It's been consumed by darkness! :'''Rafael''': Exactly, and it's more powerful than ever now. Nothing can stop it. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Guardian Eatos tries to destroy Yugi's Dark Magician with her Celestial Sword and it breaks, cutting her attack points back to 3000]'' :'''Rafael''': ''[shocked]'' Say what?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Allow me to clear things up for you. A few moments ago, I sent three monsters to my graveyard, one of which saved me. That card was this, my Electromagnetic Turtle! When this monster was destroyed, it created an electromagnetic barrier, shielding my magician from your attack. :'''Rafael''': No way. He had that planned all along! :'''Tristan''': In your face, meathead! :'''Rafael''': ''[thinking]'' The Pharaoh's gonna pay for mocking the power of my Guardian Eatos. ''[speaking]'' I END MY TURN! :'''Yami Yugi''': Perhaps you should've thought twice before you poisoned your own monsters with the dark powers of the Orichalcos. Take it from someone with experience. Betraying your monsters only backfires in the end. :'''Rafael''': You played the Seal of Orichalcos once and all of a sudden you're an expert of the subject? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': You can't win a duel with defense, Pharaoh. All you're doing is stalling for time. Well, I'm afraid your time's just run out. Eatos, destroy his most valuable monster, the Dark Magician! :'''Tristan''': Oh, no! :'''Téa''': Pharaoh! :'''Mokuba''': Do something! :'''Yami Yugi''': Magical Hats, activate! Hide my monsters! :'''Rafael''': What's going on?! :'''Tristan''': Awesome! Magical Hats shuffled Yugi's monsters so Blondie blasted the wrong one. :'''Mokuba''': That's true, but he gets to attack again, so Yugi's magician's still in danger! :'''Yami Yugi''': All right, one of these three remaining hats is concealing my monster, so go ahead! Hit me with your best shot! :'''Rafael''': ''[thinking]'' Three hats and one monster. I know what I have to do. I'll use Elma to improve my odds, then I'll send Grarl to finish things off. ''[speaking]'' Go, Elma! Find his Dark Magician! ''[Guardian Elma strikes her butterfly dagger at the second hat]'' Now I have a 50-50 shot. Guardian Grarl, attack! :''[Guardian Grarl punches the third hat with his fist, Dark Magician appears from the last hat]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Wrong hat! :'''Rafael''': Oh, no! :'''Yami Yugi''': What a shame. Looks like you used up all of your chances. :'''Rafael''': ''[thinking]'' How could I have messed that up?! I was about to win the duel and capture the Pharaoh! ''[speaking]'' My turn's not over yet! I activate my Rod of Silence! This lets me play another Guardian monster, my all-powerful Guardian Kay'est! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After the Pharaoh destroys Guardian Eatos with his Amulet Dragon, Guardian Dreadscythe appears on the field]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[horrified shock]'' What's that?! :'''Téa''': ''[terrified]'' I've got one word: nasty! :'''Tristan''': Here's four: I'm gonna be sick. :'''Yami Yugi''': For the last time, what is that thing?! :'''Rafael''': I told you-- when Eatos goes to the graveyard, '''''this''''' monster is summoned to the field in its place. So say hello to my Guardian Dreadsycthe! :'''Yami Yugi''': Hello and goodbye. It's no match for my dragon! :'''Rafael''': It will be. First, I'll boost its strength with my Reaper Scythe magic card. Now, for the best part, thanks to its new weapon, my Guardian of darkness gains 500 attack points for every monster in my graveyard. :'''Yami Yugi''': But why? I thought you despised having monsters in your graveyard! :'''Rafael''': But I despise ''you'' even more, so what's a few monsters in the grave if it means destroying you forever? And with only 500 Life Points left, you won't last long. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': I know first-hand what the Oricalchos does to a person's heart and I can help you. Think, when Earls was destroyed, you released your anger on your other monsters. You left the Oricalchos feed on your rage like I did. :'''Rafael''': So? What's your point? :'''Yami Yugi''': That this isn't who you really are. The darkness within you has taken control, and now you must face that darkness head on. It's the only way for you to save yourself. :'''Rafael''': ''You'' need to be saved. :'''Yami Yugi''': If you don't believe my words, then maybe this will convince you! :'''Rafael''': What are you holding? :'''Yami Yugi''': A card that forces you to take a closer look at yourself-- Underworld Circle! :'''Rafael''': What on earth does that do? :'''Yami Yugi''': BEHOLD! It's time to take some responsibility for what you've done, Rafael! Underworld Circle, activate! ====Part 3==== :'''Yami Yugi''': First, I'll use the magic of Underworld Circle to bring my Big Shield Gardna back from the graveyard! Then, I'll activate my Pot of Greed! This let me draw two cards. ''[thinking]'' Excellent. That's just the card I've been waiting for! ''[speaking]'' Time to face what you did… when you betrayed your heart! For now, I activate the magic card, Spider Web, which let me use a card from your graveyard! :'''Rafael''': What's the point of all this? :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm using my Spider Web to bring back your Monster Reborn card. And I'm planning on using it to save you by setting you free from the darkness! :'''Rafael''': Yeah, whatever. :'''Yami Yugi''': I use Monster Reborn to revive a creature that once saved your life and that you in turn, deserted! ''[resurects Guardian Eatos]'' :'''Rafael''': Eatos?! :'''Téa''': What's he gonna do with that card? :'''Mokuba''': Hopefully win. :'''Yami Yugi''': One more thing. ''[thinking]'' Joey… I can only accomplish this with your help. ''[speaking]'' I summon The Claw of Hermos! :'''Tristan''': Hey, Joey! Check it out, man! He just summoned your boy! :'''Yami Yugi''': And now, Hermos and Queen's Knight, combine together to form Goddess Bow! That doubles the attack points of Guardian Eatos! And since Eatos has been removed from your graveyard, your Dreadscythe gets weaker! :'''Rafael''': What are you up to? Our monsters are even now. So if you attack, they're both destroyed. But mine comes back! :'''Yami Yugi''': We'll see about that! I have a few more surprises planned! Eatos attack his Dreadscythe, NOW! I activate the special ability of my Goddess Bow! Now every time your Dreadscythe revives itself, Eatos can attack again! :'''Rafael''': No! :'''Yami Yugi''': And don't forget, with each attack, you lose another card! :'''Mokuba''': Of course! If Rafael runs out of cards, his monster can't come back! :'''Yami Yugi''': The dark flame of your Dreadscythe is now extinguished. ===''A Duel with Dartz'' [4.33-38]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Rafael''': Go! Hurry! Stop him! Stop Dartz! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Yes come home my children. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': Dude, what's with all these people chiseled in stone? :'''Téa''': They're just any people! Take a look! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[spots at Yugi, Joey, Mai, Pegasus, Weevil, Rex, Alister, Valon and all many people in stone]'' Oh, no! There's Mai and Weevil! :'''Tristan''': This must be everyone who lost their soul! :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi! :'''Dartz''': ''[voice-over]'' What a touching reunion. Too bad your friends turned out to be a bunch of stiffs. ''[laughing evilly and reveals himself from fire]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Dartz! :'''Dartz''': You were expecting someone else? Well, due to the carelessness of my employees, ''I'm'' the only one left. You can't find good help these days. :'''Kaiba''': Look, I want my company back, so can the small talk! :'''Dartz''': Is that so? Well, guess what? We all want something. As for me, I want your souls for my wall. I even have the spot picked out. :'''Kaiba''': Save it, Dartz! It'll take a lot more than a few party tricks to scare me! :'''Yami Yugi''': Now, for the last time, release our friends! :'''Dartz''': That's not possible. :'''Yami Yugi''': What do you mean? :'''Dartz''': I mean they've already been put to use. As we speak, their life energy supplies to the most devastating creature that ever lived. :'''Téa''': Oh, great. Now, what? :'''Dartz''': My 10,000 year old collection is almost complete. Once I get you two, the beast can rise. :'''Yami Yugi''': Hold on! You've been collecting souls for all those years?! Do you know how many lives you've destroyed?! :'''Dartz''': ''[snickers evilly]'' Millions! And each one of them deserved their fate! Take a moment to look around, won't you? Some of my favorite conquests are in this very room. And since it's taken me millennia to complete, it's quite the history lesson. :'''Tea''': He's right. Look at the outfits on these guys. :'''Mokuba''': So some of these people lived in the past? :'''Dartz''': Now you're catching on. Ever since the Great Leviathan was laid to rest, I've been gathering the energy necessary to fuel its rebirth. :'''Kaiba''': Come on, you expect us to believe that junk? :'''Dartz''': Ye of little faith. Just duel me and I promise I'll make a believer out of you, For when you lose, there will be no denying my power. :'''Kaiba''': Then let's stop talking and start dueling. :'''Yami Yugi''': You can't, Kaiba-- not alone. This lunatic is far too dangerous. :'''Dartz''': So why don't you join him? And when I defeat you, I'll get two souls for the price of one! :'''Yami Yugi''': All right. Ready, Kaiba? :'''Kaiba''': I'm way ahead of you. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Meanwhile… Rafael puts a soulless Valon on the back of the jeep along a soulless Mai on front seat]'' :'''Rafael''': Don't worry, I'll save you both. Mark my words, Dartz is gonna pay. <hr width="50%"/> :''[After the Pharaoh and Kaiba summon Blue-Eyes White Dragon and Black Luster Soldier, both monsters with 3000 attack points]'' :'''Mokuba''': All right! Dartz better watch out! They just summoned two major league monsters on their first turn! :'''Dartz''': Those pathetic creatures may work in your little card tournaments, but I'm afraid ''I'' play a completely different game-- a game in which the winner takes ALL, and the loser pays the ultimate price! This card was born from the darkness itself! ''[echoes]'' Behold, a power that has existed since the dawn of time. The very power that shall strip you of your souls! ''[plays the Seal of Orichalcos]'' :'''Kaiba''': Oh, no! :'''Yami Yugi''': The Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Mokuba''': Whoa. Do you feel that? :'''Tristan''': If you mean the sudden drop in temperature and that freaky evil vibe in the air, then yes, I do. :'''Téa''': ''[worried]'' Me too. :'''Dartz''': Now that I've set the tone for this duel, allow me to continue. Watch this… Arise, Orichalcos Gigas! :'''Yami Yugi''': I faced this beast before, and it was almost impossible to destroy, Kaiba. :'''Kaiba''': That's 'cause last time you didn't have me to bail you out. :'''Dartz''': Next, I'll sacrifice 500 of my Life Points. That let's me summon my Orichalcos Kyutora. And, thanks to the Seal, it gets an additional 500 points. All right. I guess that'll do for now. ====Part 2==== :''[Dartz, Yami Yugi, and Kaiba hovering above the city of Atlantis]'' :'''Dartz''': Behold, the lost city of Atlantis and all its glory. Just as it was 10,000 years ago, a perfect civilization or so I thought. Surrounded by oceans as far as the eye could see, we were isolated from the rest of the world. :''[A scene depicts the once glorious city of Atlantis and all of Earth's creatures]'' :'''Dartz''': Our lives were simple, we existed side by side with all of Earth's creatures and we knew nothing of violence. But, then that changed. :''[a meteor shower rains upon Atlantis]'' :'''Dartz''': Darkness ascended upon us and a strange substance rained down from the heavens. A substance that will change our lives. :'''Yami Yugi''': The Orichalcos. :'''Kaiba''': Please tell me that story time is over, I'd like to duel. :'''Dartz''': The tale of my past directly affects the fate of your future. So if I were you, I pay close attention. :''[it seems the city of Atlantis had changed]'' :'''Dartz''': Now thanks to the stones of the Orichalcos, the people of Atlantis needed advancement in technology that were never before imagine. And soon, I ruled over the most highly developed civilization the world had ever known. However, with progress comes greed and eventually violence, I knew what had to be done. But, my father, former king Ironheart had different ideas. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[shocked]'' Ironheart was your father?! But how? :'''Kaiba''': If you ask questions, this ridiculous story is never going to end. :'''Dartz''': That old fool never had what took to be king and on my 21st birthday, he allowed me to take over and filled his unimpressive shoes. So as technology continued to advance and the hearts of my people continued to seek deeper into the darkness. It was up to me to remedy the situation, the citizens of Atlantis were growing more and more selfish. And if I didn't act soon, I would lose complete control, but even I couldn't have imagine what would happen next. :''[The Orichalcos began to show the true nature of the Atlanteans]'' :'''Dartz''': The Orichalcos began to test us, it revealed the truth about who we were. :''[The people of Atlantis are beginning to turn into monsters]'' :'''Dartz''': Those who were wicked on the inside became wicked on the outside. :''[Meanwhile, Iona is struggling]'' :'''Dartz''': Iona, are you all right? :'''Dartz''': Wait, come back! What's going on?! :''[Dartz soon finds out that his beloved wife also turned into a monster]'' :'''Dartz''': Iona! :'''Dartz''': I didn't realize it first, but the true colors of my people were revealed to me that day. :'''Dartz''': But why? Why is this happening? :''[a bright green light appears in the water fountain]'' :'''Dartz''': I couldn't understand how a society as perfect as ours could crumble like this. :''[He picks up an Orichalcos stone]'' :'''Dartz''': But soon the Orichalcos would answer all my questions. The people of Atlantis were evil and I have been chosen to wipe them out and start over again. But I couldn't accomplish such a task on my own, I was but one man so the Orichalcos gave me a gift, something powerful enough to lead my fight against mankind. For deep below the Earth's surface lives the most incredible creature ever lived, the Great Leviathan! And it was mine, and shortly that this great beast will return to finish what it began! :'''Dartz''': I was ready to begin my task of recreating civilization on Earth, but one person stood in my way. :''[A scene where Ironheart, Chris, and Skye are in the throne room]'' :'''Ironheart''': My son, you know what you have to do. Destroy those Orichalcos stones so we can return the light we once knew. :''[Dartz sitting on his throne with a gold eye]'' :'''Dartz''': ''[laughs]'' Do you honestly believe that we can go back to the way things were. It's too late for that, Father. :'''Ironheart''': But, Dartz... :'''Dartz''': The true nature of our people have been exposed. We now know that the citizens of this planet are evil and must be destroy! :'''Ironheart''': What?! :'''Dartz''': You heard me, old man! We should be thanking the Orichalcos for showing us the truth. Not blaming it for the faults of mankind, but this mysterious substance that rained down above us had open up my eyes. Not only has it showed me what's wrong, it's given me the tools to fix it. For now I have the power to awaken a mighty creature known as the Great Leviathan! And by the power of the Orichalcos, this beast will rise up from the depths of the earth and fight by my side! And when I'm through, I shall rebuild civilization! :''[The stones have summoned an army of Orichalcos soldiers]'' :'''Ironheart''': Dartz! What's going on?! :''[Dartz laughs evilly]'' :'''Dartz''': Meet my Orichalcos soldiers! :'''Chris''': ''[scared]'' Grandpa, I'm scared! :'''Dartz''': If you join my side, you have nothing to fear. If not, farewell. :'''Ironheart''': We'll never join you! Never! Let's go, Chris! :''[They escape from the throne room]'' :'''Dartz''': Have it your way. :''[Dartz appears on his balcony and addresses his army]'' :'''Dartz''': The time has come to cleanse the world of its impurities! So arise my children and conquer the people of Earth! And this planet shall be yours! :''[Meanwhile Ironheart, Chris, and Skye are walking from their city and they enter a cave]'' :'''Chris''': What are we going to do, Grandpa? :'''Ironheart''': Your father is under the control of an evil force and he must be stopped. The future of our planet depends on it. Through there, hurry! :''[Chris and Skye suddenly runs through an carving of monsters on the walls]'' :'''Chris''': What's there? Why are those monsters carved in stone? :'''Ironheart''': We've come here to ask for their help. :''[The scene depicts the battle of Atlantis between Dartz's Orichalcos army and Ironheart's army of monsters]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': And so the Battle of Atlantis began! You see my father had opened up a gateway to the Dominion of the Beasts and he used the monsters within to form an army of his own. :'''Yami Yugi''': Tell me, what was the battle's outcome? :'''Dartz''': Neither side were victorious and Atlantis sunk to the bottom of the sea. My father's monster army were scattered around the world and sealed away until they be needed again. The Leviathan was drained of its power and also sealed away. It's taken me 10,000 years to gather the energy necessary to bring it back. All that's left of me to do is to defeat you two in this duel. Then your souls will awaken the Great Leviathan and my plan will finally come to pass. :'''Kaiba''': Hold on! We already defeated you! Our Master of Dragon Soldier should've wipe out the rest of your life points. :'''Dartz''': Perhaps it should have, but I'm afraid it didn't. Your pathetic attack failed short of its target. So this duel is still on. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Orichalcos Gigas, return! :'''Yami Yugi''': I told you, Kaiba. Each time his Gigas is destroyed, it comes back even stronger! :'''Dartz''': Face it, you'll never defeat me! The power of the Orichalcos will swallow you both! Now back to the duel. Since my Gigas returned to me, I can't draw a card. But no matter, everything I need is in my hand. So I'll enhance the power of the Seal with this-- the magic of Orichalcos Deuteros! ''[laughs evilly]'' :'''Kaiba''': What's going on?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Somehow he's made the Seal of Orichalcos stronger! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Dartz activates the Orichalcos Deuteros spell card, adding another layer to the Seal of Orichalcos]'' :'''Dartz''': Gentlemen, welcome to the second level of darkness! :'''Kaiba''': The what?! :'''Yami Yugi''': I don't know how. But Dartz just added another layer to the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Tea''': Right! So what does that mean? :'''Dartz''': The first benefit of my Orichalcos Deuteros, is the addition of 500 Life Points each turn for every monster I have on the field. Therefore, since I have two, that's 1,000 points! :'''Kaiba''': What?! How are we supposed to wipe him out?! :'''Dartz''': You're not. It makes me invincible! Next, I'll attack your Master of Dragon Soldier! Go, my Orichalcos Gigas! :'''Yami Yugi''': Nice try! But my dragon's too strong! :'''Dartz''': Kyutora, absorb ''all'' the damage! ''[chuckles]'' My Life Points are safe. And now, my Gigas returns! :'''Tristan''': That creep! He's letting his Orichalcos Gigas get its butt kicked on purpose, so it can come back stronger! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' That can't be it. His monster would have to be destroyed seven more times before it could defeat my dragon. So there must be more to his plan. Perhaps the secret lies in his Kyutora, and its ability to absorb attack damage. Yes! That creature must have another special ability! :'''Kaiba''': All right, Dartz, my move! ''[thinking]'' As long as that eyesore is on the field, it's pointless to attack his Orichalcos Gigas because Dartz won't lose any Life Points. Plus, Gigas will just come back stronger. But if I attack Dartz directly, I should be able to win the duel! ''[speaking]'' I place one card facedown on the field! And next… I summon my Blade Knight! And since I have only one card left in my hand, Blade Knight gets another 400 attack points! I think that'll do for now. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' He's setting himself up for something. :'''Kaiba''': ''[thinking]'' Yugi better not screw this up for me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kaiba''': Oh, no! That attack was supposed to hit Dartz, not his monster! :'''Yami Yugi''': It's a force field! But how did he create it? :'''Dartz''': By using the second layer of the Seal, of course. Whenever my Life Points are targeted, my Orichalcos Deuteros steps in to defend me. It's simple. ''I'' make a sacrifice so that your monster takes the hit! You know what that means, right? Your dragon just attacked itself! ====Part 3==== :'''Dartz''': So tell me, Gentlemen, what do you think of my newest soldiers? I'm sure there's no need for any introductions. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's not funny, Dartz. :'''Dartz''': Maybe not to you. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's enough. :'''Kaiba''': Just drop the magic act and let's duel. :'''Dartz''': But we are dueling, you insensible twit. We're just doing it by my rules, that's all. Since I now control the souls of your former friends, I thought it would be fun to let them play along with us. :'''Téa''': Leave them alone! :'''Tristan''': What did they do to you?! :'''Dartz''': You should be thanking me. :'''Yami Yugi''': And why's that? :'''Dartz''': I'm giving you one last chance to see your companions. Before their souls are gone forever. :'''Yami Yugi''': You'll never take them away from us, Dartz! :'''Dartz''': That's right, Pharaoh. Let your anger consume you. Feel the darkness within you beginning to spread. The stronger your rage, the more powerful the Great Leviathan will be when it absorbs your soul. Now where we? Ah, yes. Mirror Knight Yugi. It's time to attack your other half. :'''Yami Yugi''': No, Yugi! Fight it! I know you can hear me! :''[Yugi struggles to fight against Dartz's command]'' :'''Dartz''': What's this? My soldier is still loyal to you? How touching. [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Self_Destruction|Even though you turned your back on him, he refuses to seek revenge]]. That will soon change. :'''Yami Yugi''': We'll see. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Kaiba! :'''Kaiba''': Just save it! That second-rate chump has held me back for the last time! Different Dimension Dragon Attack! :'''Yami Yugi''': No! Don't do this! :'''Kaiba''': Too late! :''[Knight Yugi's shield disintegrates]'' :'''Kaiba''': No way! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': You don't look happy to see me, and after all we've been through. Where's the love? Don't answer that. I've heard enough lies from ''you''. The Pharaoh opened me up to the truth. :'''Dartz''': Really? :'''Rafael''': Yeah, really. Thanks to him, [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Grappling_with_a_Guardian|I was able to escape the seal of orichalcos with my soul still intact]] unlike them and everyone else you used. Now set them free before you end up on that wall. :'''Dartz''': Your soul may have been spared, but it sounds like the orichalcos took what was left of your brain. :'''Rafael''': What's that supposed to mean? :'''Dartz''': It means you're more gullible than ever. Do you honestly think the darkness that once controlled you is gone? :'''Rafael''': Yes. The Pharaoh set me free. :'''Dartz''': Did he... Hmm. Or did he just trick you the way you think I did? :'''Rafael''': Stop it! You're messing with my head. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Rafael, You mustn't listen to him. :'''Rafael''': Everything is your fault. ''You'' took ''me'' from my family. :'''Dartz''': I needed your anger, your thirst for revenge. :'''Rafael''': ''[enraged]'' '''YOU RUINED MY LIFE, YOU MONSTER!''' ====Part 4==== :'''Dartz''': It's time to reinforce the sacred Seal with its most powerful layer thus far! Behold the ancient magic of my Orichalcos Tritos! ''[adds a third layer to the Seal of Orichalcos]'' Welcome to level 3, gentlemen. :'''Yami Yugi''': How can the Seal possibly get any stronger?! :'''Dartz''': We're dealing with a force greater than the darkest shadows and older than time itself. Does that answer your question? :'''Mokuba''': Whoa! :'''Téa''': His Life Points are out of control! :'''Dartz''': Orichalcos Malevolence, use your special ability to switch Kaiba's dragon into attack mode! So I'm afraid this is goodbye. With an attack strength of only 1400, your dragon is far too weak to defend your Life Points. :'''Kaiba''': So that means… :'''Yami Yugi''': You lose! :'''Dartz''': Now my beast, bring Kaiba's soul to me! :'''Kaiba''': Wrong! I activate my Shrink card! :'''Dartz''': ''[chuckles and the third layer of the Seal destroys Kaiba's magic card]'' Is it beginning to sink in yet? When used properly, the Seal of Orichalcos is unmatched by any other card in the game! And due to its third layer, your magic and trap cards are useless against me! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Kyutora has ''another'' ability! Whenever it's destroyed, it '''''evolves!''''' :''[Orichalcos Kyutora is destroyed and Orichalcos Shunoros appears]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Oh, no! What's going on?! :'''Kaiba''': What is that?! :'''Dartz''': My little friend is all grown up, so playtime's over! Gentlemen, I'd like you meet Orichalcos Shunoros! :'''Kaiba''': Did you see what I see?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Unfortunately. :'''Téa''': See what? :'''Tristan''': That thing's got 20,000 points! :'''Dartz''': Don't look so surprised. ''You're'' the ones who created this unstoppable beast! You may have destroyed my previous monsters, but you unleashed something far worse! :'''Yami Yugi''': It can wipe us out in one strike! :'''Dartz''': You're absolutely right, but before I do that, I have some more bad news to share. Orichalcos Shunoros, activate your special ability! Release Orichalcos Dexia… and Orichalcos Aristeros! :'''Yami Yugi''': What's the meaning of this?! :'''Dartz''': Allow me to clear things up. Shunoros just released two more creatures. The first one is known as Dexia, and its attack strength is always 300 points higher than the monster it's battling, making it the perfect sword! And the second one is just as strong. It will intercept every one of your attacks and retaliate with a blast that's 300 points greater than the one you fired, making Orichalcos Aristeros the perfect shield! You'll never get past my triple threat! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' Not only is his monster more powerful than Kaiba's dragon… but with Dexia and Aristeros on the front line, our attacks won't even get through! :'''Dartz''': I activate the trap card, Martyr Curse! This forces one of your monsters to engage in a battle with one of my monsters. And as a nasty little side effect, it cancels out any special abilities your creature may have. And since I don't seem to have much of a choice, I'll target your Mirror Force Dragon! Without its reflecting power, your dragon's completely defenseless, which means you're about to be out one soul! Orichalcos Shunoros, remove Kaiba's Life Points so the Orichalcos can remove his spirit! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Kaiba's Wish of Final Effort trap card increases Yugi's Life Points and loses his soul when his Life Points dropped down to zero…]'' :'''Dartz''': Pharaoh, it looks like you're the soul survivor. :'''Yami Yugi''': You disgust me. :'''Dartz''': I'll tell you what. Since I already have what I need... You can keep the rest of him! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Don't worry, Pharaoh. Your friends are fine. I don't need weak souls. I just wanted to spend some quality time with you, one-on-one. Is that so wrong? :'''Yami Yugi''': That's enough! :'''Dartz''': But there's something I think you'll want to know. You and I met 5,000 years ago when you were king of Egypt. We may not have been officially introduced, but I was there watching you. :'''Yami Yugi''': Go on. :'''Dartz''': When the battle of Atlantis ended, I thought the Great Leviathan was gone forever. That is, until I met you. :'''Yami Yugi''': Hold on! What does that evil creature of yours have to do with me?! :'''Dartz''': I thought you'd never ask. Behold the Palace of the Pharaoh in year 3000 B.C.! Ring any bells? Hmm? ====Part 5==== :'''Joey''': Huh? I've had some weird dreams, but this one takes the cake. Wait, hold on. I remember being trapped in a duel, but... how did I end up floating around in here? :'''Yugi Muto''': ''[offscreen]'' Joey? Is that you? :'''Joey''': Yugi! Long time no see! :'''Yugi''': I'm glad you're all right! :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': Please, bubble boy, you call this "all right"? :'''Yugi and Joey''': Pegasus! :'''Pegasus''': If we don't escape soon, we never will! :'''Joey''': Hmm? Where exactly are we, anyway, Huh? ''[spots at Valon, Mai Valentine, Weevil Underwood, Rex Raptor, Alister, Rafael and Seto Kaiba]'' Wait! Everyone in here had their soul captured! This must be where the orichalcos spits you out after you lose a duel! Aah! Calm down. Maybe it is just a dream. Uh... :'''Yugi''': It's no dream. And take a look, Joey. Things are about to get worse! :'''Joey''': What's that!? :'''Pegasus''': Don't you pay attention? That's the Great Leviathan, and it's using human souls for power. :'''Joey''': It's doing what!? But I don't wanna be turned into soul food! :'''Yugi''': We can still get out of this mess if the Pharaoh defeats Dartz! :'''Joey''': Huh? But how see gonna do that? ''[looks at Seto Kaiba]'' Rich boy's with us now. That means.... The Pharaoh's facing Dartz alone out there! :'''Yugi''': Wrong. Kaiba may have been knocked outta the fight... But the Pharaoh's not alone, Joey. :'''Joey''': I'm afraid I don't follow, Yuge. :'''Yugi''': He's still got all of us. Sure, we're not right there next to him, but we've never let that stop us before. :'''Joey''': Yeah, but I don't know if that's gonna work this time, 'Cause Dartz is playin' by a whole new set a rules. and nothing can take down that orichalcos card. :'''Pegasus''': There is one thing that can help. :'''Joey''': Huh? :'''Pegasus''': It's the card I gave him. And if the Pharaoh draws it, He'll be able to unleash a force like no other. :'''Joey''': In this card can beat Dartz? :'''Pegasus''': Yes. You see, it was during a trip to Egypt that I was inspired to create the game of duel monsters after making an astonishing discovery. Ancient kings and sorcerers once performed dark rituals to conjure real monsters. These creatures were believed to have lived in a universe parallel to ours, and guarding the gateway to this dominion of the beasts were three legendary dragons known as Timaeus, Critias, and Hermos. But you already know about them, right? :'''Joey''': Right. :'''Pegasus''': What you don't know is that these dragons aren't what they appear to be. They were buried with a dark secret. So I created a card that unlocks this mystery. :'''Yugi''': I don't get it. What's the secret? :'''Pegasus''': I spent many years scouring the globe trying to find an answer to that very question, Yugi boy. First I searched the microscopic world for the tiniest clues. then I scanned the vast reaches of the universe, and still nothing. Other than on stone tablet hidden deep beneath the sands of Egypt, there was no record of the existence of these dragons. Then it dawned on me. What if these dragons aren't dragons at all? What if they're humans! :'''Yugi''': Humans!? But how is that possible, Pegasus? and what does it have to do with that mystery card you gave to the Pharaoh? :'''Pegasus''': During the battle of Atlantis, Dartz transformed three brave knights into dragons in an effort to weaken them. Now the Pharaoh must restore them to their original form... Before we disappear forever! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': ''[shocked by the Pharaoh's Millennium Puzzle preventing the Orichalcos to take his soul]'' Impossible! No one can overcome the power of the Orichalcos! You should have lost the duel! What's going on?! Why didn't the Seal take your soul?! Tell me! :'''Yami Yugi''': You forced me to gaze inside my heart, thinking I would find only darkness. But you were wrong. :'''Dartz''': Then you gazed in the wrong place! :'''Yami Yugi''': Look, believe what you wish, but I know the truth. My heart is filled with the light of friendship, and no magic can take that away, no matter how strong it is. So, thank you. You reminded me that my friends are always with me. And we're going to win this fight and take you down together! Dartz… It all ends right now! ''[draws and gasps; thinking]'' It's the card Pegasus gave me! I can sense it! :'''Dartz''': Well? Get on with it. :'''Yami Yugi''': Do you know what's in my hand? The key to unlocking the secret of the legendary dragons! :'''Dartz''': ''[gasps]'' What?! :'''Yami Yugi''': You heard me. Legend of Heart! I give up 1,000 Life Points and remove my Obnoxious Celtic Guardian from the field! This lets me summon Critias, Hermos, and Timaeus in their true form! :'''Timaeus''': Finally! After 10 millennia in captivity, we've been set free! :'''Dartz''': No! Not them! :''[The three legendary knights appear in their true forms on Yugi's side of the field]'' :'''Timaeus''': I am he who is named Timaeus! :'''Critias''': And I am… Sir Critias! :'''Hermos''': I am known as… Sir Hermos! :'''Legendary Knights''': In the name of Atlantis… we have been reborn! :'''Dartz''': ''[shocked in disbelief]'' I thought I took care of you centuries ago! ''[The three knights slam their swords onto the ground and destroy the Seal of Orichalcos; horrified]'' What have you done?! My precious Seal is gone! :'''Hermos''': Your ring of darkness is useless in our presence! :'''Critias''': Did you forget our last encounter? :'''Timaeus''': I certainly did not. And I have a score to settle with you! :'''Yami Yugi''': The time has come to weaken your defense! ====Part 6==== <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': You lose, Dartz. Your 10,000 year quest is finally over. :'''Dartz''': It can't be. I've come too close. All I need is one more powerful soul and the Great Leviathan will arise from the depths of the earth. :'''Yami Yugi''': Too little, too late. Your serpent has been destroyed, and with that, our duel come to an end. Now release the souls of my friends and everyone else you've held captive. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Téa''': ''[in tears]'' It is you, Yugi! :'''Yugi''': Téa? :'''Téa''': I thought we'd never see you again! :'''Yugi''': It's good to see you, too. :'''Joey''': All right, Out of my way people. Where's my little buddy? Ha Ha! Yug! Man did I miss this spikey little head. :'''Yugi''': Hey, Joey! :'''Téa''': The gang is back! :'''Tristan''': Don't forget about me! <hr width="50%"/> ===''Rise of the Great Beast'' [4.39-40]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Dark Magician Girl''': Monsters, unite. Without us all hope is lost. We must join forces with the humans! And together we shall defeat the Great Beast. Now go! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': That Leviathan's a goner! It's 3 on 1 up there! :'''Kaiba''': I see you can count! Unfortunately, numbers aren't everything! :'''Yugi''': You can do this, Pharaoh! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': My Leviathan is fueled by the darkness of my prisoners! :'''The Pharaoh''': Wrong, Dartz! I was able to transform the darkness in their hearts to light! A light which now fuels MY beasts! :'''Dartz''': NO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, PHARAOH?!?! :'''Kaiba''': Hey, look! I guess the Gods did pull through! :'''Joey''': Told ya! That means everyone Dartz captured is free! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': I'm back. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi''': Look! It’s the portal that led us here! :'''Joey''': Alright! Home sweet home here we come! <hr width="50%"/> ====Part 2==== :'''Dartz''': Now, Great Leviathan! Crush the Pharaoh with his own darkness! :'''Yugi''': Let him go! :'''Yami Yugi''': No! Get back! :'''Yugi''': Huh? :'''Yami Yugi''': This is my fight now, I must prove that my rage is gone! ''[Yugi gasps flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|Yami Yugi and Rafael's first duel, the Pharaoh activated The Seal of Oricalcos card]]. flashback ends]'' When I played that card, I unlocked the evil in my heart, Ever since then, I’ve been fighting the anger within me, and now it’s destroying me. :'''Yugi''': But you stopped it… Didn’t you? :'''Yami Yugi''': No, Yugi! Listen. Facing you in that duel was a first step, But there’s a long way to go. ''[grunting]'' The darkness… It’s power knows no bounds. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Self Destruction|Yami and Yugi’s duel in the Stone Wasteland]] flashback ends.]'' :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh! Be strong! Focus on the good inside you! Think of your friends! :'''Yami Yugi''': Of course. As long as I’m filled with the light of friendship, Dartz can’t win. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#A Duel with Dartz|their duel]] and flashback ends]'' Thanks to my friends, I have enough light to banish the darkness! So with the power of everyone in my heart, I shall seal you away! '''BE GONE!''' :'''Dartz''': Great Leviathan, vanquish the Pharaoh's spirit for all eternity! :'''Yugi''': Get out while you can! :'''Yami Yugi''': You must trust me! :'''Dartz''': '''NO! THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE!''' :''[?]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Man''': The hurricane, It seens to be gone. :'''Captain''': Are you sure you're reading that thing right? :''[Back at Monument Valley, Duke Devlin, Rebecca and Professor Arthur Hawkins saw dark clouds are lifting out to the skylight.]'' :'''Arthur Hawkins''': The Darkness is Lifting. :''[Back at Atlantis]'' :'''Yugi''': You did it. ''[Yami collapses he helps him]'' Hey, are you all right? :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm fine, Yugi, The Great Leviathan is gone. :'''Yugi''': Yeah. Thanks, pal. It's over now. ''[spots at Dartz]'' But what about Dartz? :''[Dartz wakes up his dark side is gone then the light glow when Ironheart, Chris and Skye appears]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi, Look it's Ironheart, and Chris. :'''Dartz''': Father, Chris, It's you. :'''Chris''': Dad, you're back! :'''Ironheart''': My son, At long last. And you have the great pharaoh to thank. He drove out the evil force that controlled you. :'''Dartz''': Oh. :'''Yami Yugi''': I knew it. Deep down you're a noble ruler, Dartz. :'''Chris''': And a great father! I've missed you so much, Dad. :'''Ironheart''': Your work here is now complete. You may go in place. Great things await you. So return now to your world by stepping through that portal. :'''Yugi''': But what about you? Are you guys gonna be OK? :'''Ironheart''': Yes, For the first time in centuries. :'''Yami Yugi''': Alright, Yugi let's go back home. :''[Pharaoh and Yugi walked toward the portal and looks at Chris, Dartz, Ironheart and Skye and they walked off enter the portal and disappears Chris looks at her father.]'' :'''Chris''': Hey, Dad. We should go too. After all this time, We have a lot of catching up to do. :''[Dartz smiled agreed with his daughter now the Atlantis is going down to the ocean and splashed towards Dartz's lair.]'' :'''Seto Kaiba''': Mokuba! Start the engines! :'''Mokuba Kaiba''': Seto! :'''Seto''': We have to get out of here. :'''Téa Gardner''': Without Yugi? No way. :'''Joey Wheeler''': Eh? :'''Téa''': Don't you know where he is? :'''Joey''': Don't tell me. :'''Téa''': You mean he's still in there!? :'''Mokuba''': Time's running out! :'''Seto''': Mokuba's right. We can't wait. :'''Joey''': Yugi! :'''Tristan Taylor''': Are you nuts man! :'''Joey''': Get your hands off of me Tristan! I’m not leaving here without Yugi! :'''Tristan''': Joey, we have to trust that he found the way out on his own! :'''Joey''': YUGI! :''[the gang hops in the KaibaCorp helicopter and takes off as Dartz's lair is washed down. Inside the helicopter Téa, Rafael, Tristan, Joey, Kaiba and Mokuba.]'' :'''Seto''': Good riddance. :'''Mokuba''': I just hope Yugi wasn't in there. :'''Téa''': Me, too. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the Hospital Rex and Weevil wakes up was that a dream.]'' :'''Weevil Underwood''': Where am i? Mommy? :'''Rex Raptor''': Hey! Who's said that!? :'''Weevil/Rex''': Huh! Oh! :'''Rex''': What are you doing in my bedroom, Weevil!? :'''Weevil''': Your bedroom!? You're in a hospital, You dimwit! :'''Rex''': What happened!? :'''Weevil''': I know who fault this is. :'''Rex''': ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#On the Wrong Track|Joey's]].'' :'''Weevil''': ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#On the Wrong Track|Yugi's]].'' :'''Both''': '''YOU'RE PAY FOR THIS! YOU HEAR ME!?''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alister''': Mikey, I know you're out there somewhere, And I'm not gonna stop looking until I find you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': ''[wakes up]'' I’m home. ''[thinking]'' Was that all a dream? ''[flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fighting for a Friend|Joey and Valon's last duel]]. Flashback ends he gets up the bed and the card fell off he spotted the Harpie Lady card and holds it walked outside the beach house and smiling looked at the sky]'' I'll never forget you. Thanks Mai. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mai driving on her motorcycle at the beach]'' :'''Mai Valentine''': ''[thinking]'' ''I'm glad that mess is over. Now to pick up the pieces.'' ''[In Mai's flashbacks, it shows the beginning of how she entered the Doma organization, when she met [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#An_Unexpected_Enemy|Yugi's friends and running towards Joey]] [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Fighting_for_a_Friend|before he became unconscious]]. Flashbacks ends]'' ''Sorry Joey. But I can't face you yet. So I'm gonna hit the road until I'm ready to own up to everything for what have I've done. But I'll be back.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dark Magician Girl''': ''[voice-over]'' Yugi, Wake up. :'''Yugi''': ''[wakes up and surprised on the beach and sees the sunset on the ocean.]'' Any idea where we are? :'''Yami Yugi''': It seems we've washed up on shore. But I wonder how. Someone must have guided us here. Hmm. :'''Yugi''': Hey, look! ''[sees Dark Magician Girl along with Timaeus, Hermos and Critias appears]'' It's Dark Magician Girl! :'''Yami Yugi''': And she's brought with her the three legendary knights. :'''Dark Magician Girl''': We four are forever in your debt. Not only have you rescued your own world, But you've saved the creatures of our world as well. Thanks to your fearlessness. The dominion of the beasts can once again flourish just as it did so many years ago. And by breaking the evil spell that imprisoned the legendary knights. They can continue to protect our land. :'''Yugi''': I'm just glad we could help. :'''Timaeus''': Thank you both. You fought bravely. Farewell. :'''Critias''': You two will never be forgotten. :'''Hermos''': For as long as we reign. :'''Yami Yugi''': Well, We couldn't have done it without you. In the face of ultimate darkness, Your couragfousness sparked a light so incredibly strong it will burn for all eternity. :'''Timaeus''': Thank you, Pharaoh. We shall meet again. :''[The legendary knights flying off together.]'' :'''Dark Magician Girl''': The time may come that we need each other again. If so, You know where I'll be. Right there in your deck. :''[she flying off with the legendary knights together then inside the KaibaCorp helicopter]'' :'''Téa''': Look, those weird lights are back. :'''Joey''': Well, that explains why? It's Dark Magician Girl and the three legendary knights. :'''Téa''': I guess they’re going home. Now that their world is safe again. :'''Yugi''': ''[sees "The Eye of Timaeus" card disappears]'' Well, Pharaoh there goes our Timaeus. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes Yugi, There goes Timaeus. :'''Joey''': ''[sees "The Claw of Hermos" card disappears]'' Well, there goes Hermos. :'''Kaiba''': ''[sees "The Fang of Critias" card disappears]'' Oh well... No big deal. My deck's still unstoppable. :'''Téa''': I hope Yugi's all right. ''[spots Yugi on the island]'' Look! :'''Mokuba''': Huh? :'''Joey''': Eh? :'''Tristan''': Huh? Hey! It's Yugi! :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh! Over there! They made it out! :'''Yami Yugi''': You're right. :''[KaibaCorp helicopter lands on the beach and the door open]'' :'''Joey''': Yugi! :'''Tea''': I knew we find you. :'''Tristan''': Hey man! :'''Joey''': ''[giggling]'' I'll never let this spikey head of yours is outta my sight. :'''Tea''': Is it really all over? :'''Yugi''': Yep, we're safe now. :'''Mokuba''': ''[next to Seto Kaiba behind Rafael]'' Hey, Yugi! :'''Joey''': Let's hit the high road folks, I'm sure there's someone else trying to taking over the world back home. :'''Tristan''': You know the scary thing is he's probably right. :''[The gang hops the KaibaCorp helicopter when Yugi sees the Pharaoh watches the sunsets down the ocean.]'' :'''Tea''': ''[offscreen]'' Yugi, is something wrong? :'''Yugi''': I'll be right there, Tea. ''[The Pharaoh and Yugi looked at each other as the sun going down the ocean.]'' ''[voice over]'' ''We may have stopped Dartz, but the Pharaoh's not done yet. Now he has to pick up where he left off before all this craziness started 'cause the biggest adventure of all is still ahead. And it won't be over till the pharaoh unlocks the secrets of his past. He needs to learn who he really is and why he was sent back here. Maybe then his spirit'll finally be able to rest. Well, no matter what happens, one thing's for sure... whatever he finds out there... and whatever he needs to face... he won't have to do it alone.'' ==External links== {{wikipedia|Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (season 4)}} {{Yu-Gi-Oh!}} [[Category:Yu-Gi-Oh! seasons|4]] [[Category:Children's television seasons]] 5nh2dbpsy1ll7lr96epks6mejbj5t3e 3778982 3778977 2025-07-15T02:11:48Z 2001:8003:DD49:F700:70BE:E456:AB7D:24BF /* My Freaky Valentine [4.08-10] */ 3778982 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''Seasons''': [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 1)|1]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 2)|2]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 3)|3 Enter the Shadow Realm]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)|4 Waking the Dragons]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 5)|5 Grand Championship and Dawn of the Duel]] | '''Movies''': [[Yu-Gi-Oh! The Movie: Pyramid of Light]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Dark Side of Dimensions|The Dark Side of Dimensions]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh!: Bonds Beyond Time|Bonds Beyond Time]] | [[Yu-Gi-Oh!|Main]] ---------------- The following is a list of quotes from the fourth season of '''''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'''''. ==Waking the Dragons Arc== ===''A New Evil'' [4.01-02]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Rex Raptor''': Ever hear of stepping aside?! :'''Weevil Underwood''': Yeah! What's your problem? :'''Gurimo''': The problem should be yours when I strip you two fools of your souls. :'''Rex Raptor''': Does the Grim Reaper know you've raided his wardrobe? :'''Gurimo''': ''[his eyes glow green, explaining the Orichalcos]'' ''Quod valedico vestrum animus.'' :'''Rex Raptor''': Say what?! :'''Weevil Underwood''': I-I think you just got him mad! :'''Gurimo''': Rise on your feet and Duel! ''[activates his Chaos Duel Disk and Weevil and Rex scream in terror off-screen]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Great deities of domination, I call upon thee. Use the pharaoh's force to penetrate the dominion of the beasts and liberate the fury of 10,000 years. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gurimo''': Your fate is now sealed. ====Part 2==== :'''Alister''': Looks like someone needs a rest. :'''Valon''': The boss warned us that the Egyptian God Cards and the magic of the Orichalcos might not mix so well, didn't he? :'''Alister''': I think that geezer's just getting too old for this. :'''Rafael''': Well, that's why we made him Duel first, right? To test the Pharaoh's strength. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Now why does all these weird stuff always happen to us? ''[Yugi is silent]'' You've gotta admit, it's true. :''[Rebecca runs up to meet Yugi]'' :'''Rebecca''': Yugi! ''[Hugs Yugi]'' :'''Yugi''': ''[Very surprised]'' Uh, hey....you! :'''Rebecca''': Oh no, don't tell me you forgot about me already! :'''Tristan''': Yet another weird event to add to the list. :'''Joey''': And this one tops them all. :'''Tristan''': It's probably best if we don't interfere! :'''Tea''': ''[Leaning towards Yugi]'' Do you know this person, Yugi? :'''Yugi''': Um, I don't think so. :'''Rebecca''': Maybe this will refresh your memory! ''[Holds up a card]'' :'''Yugi''': ''[After flashback]'' Ah, Rebecca! :'''Joey''': It's that brat! :'''Rebecca''': Hi! ''[Big smile; waves her hand]'' :'''Joey''': Wait, she looks different. Did she get a haircut or something? :'''Tristan''': No dude, she traded her teddy bear for glasses. :'''Rebecca''': ''[Hugs Yugi]'' I don't need a bear... now that I've got a boyfriend to protect me! :'''Tea''': Um, excuse me? A boyfriend!? :'''Rebecca''': ''[Another hug]'' My grandpa is also really excited to see you Yugi! :'''Yugi''': Professor Hawkins? :'''Rebecca''': Yeah, he's waiting at the Museum. :'''Tea''': Grrr... ''[Anime vein throb]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arthur''': Remarkable, Isn't it? :'''Solomon''': That's my boy. :'''Yugi''': Hey, guys! :'''Arthur''': Yugi Muto. You're just the person I need to see. I have a theory that all of these monster sightings have something to do with you. :'''Yugi''': Huh. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': Here we are, gang, Home, sweet home. :'''Rafael''': Wait til the boss hears we found the Pharaoh. ===''Legend of the Dragons'' [4.03]=== :'''Rafael''': We located the Pharaoh, Master. Unfortunately, we weren't able to capture his soul. :'''Dartz''': I didn't expect you to defeat him this soon. We've just begun. :'''Rafael''': But you know me, Master. I never come back empty handed. ''[walks forward with a small wooden box, and opens it to reveal the three Egyptian God Cards inside]'' :'''Dartz''': Excellent, the Egyptian Gods. ''[reaches out and takes the three cards in his hand]'' At long last. I've waited an eternity to hold their power in my hands. ''[the cards begin glowing]'' I finally possess the supreme force necessary to awaken the Great Beast! ''[walks to the altar at the far end of the temple]'' Soon we shall rid the Earth of mankind, and rebuild civilization as it once was! ''[places the Egyptian God Cards in the mouths of three huge stone serpents, with Ra in the middle, Slifer on the right and Obelisk on the left]'' Serpents of the Orichalcos, please hear my call! ''[raises his hands in worship]'' I offer thee the Gods of Egypt! Use their divine might to unlock the sacred chamber of the Great Beast! Awaken him from his ancient slumber by accepting my offering! :''[Dartz laughs evilly as the three cards emanate a powerful beam of energy, which then shoots up past the temple roof and into the sky, culminating in an explosion of white light which clears to reveal an array of multicoloured lights floating in the sky]'' :'''Dartz''': The time has arrived, my friends. Finally, after ten thousand years, the Great Leviathan shall rise again! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dark Magician Girl''': We’ve only just begun. The great beast is still weak so he retreated for the moment. And for that my companions and I are truly my Pharaoh. But many of us remain prisoners on the other side. :'''Yugi''': What’s next? :'''Dark Magician Girl''': The great beast will return again… and his power will grow! He must be stopped before he is fully restored! Time is running out! ===''The Creator Returns'' [4.04]=== :'''Dartz''': Rafael! :'''Rafael''': Yes, Master Dartz. ''[kneels before Dartz]'' I know what to do. I'll find the Pharaoh. And this time, I'll make sure we drain his power to feed the Great Beast, sir. :'''Dartz''': Why don't you try listening? It's really a wonderful skill. ''[turns around]'' And when you master it, you'll realise that we need more than just the Pharaoh's soul! :'''Alister''': Then we'll deal with the others too. I'll take Kaiba. :'''Valon''': I got my eye on someone too. That feisty little bloke Joey Wheeler. ''[laughs]'' He should be fun to take apart. :'''Alister''': I know why you're after Wheeler. :'''Valon''': Mind your own business, Alister! What about you? Why the sudden interest in Kaiba? :'''Alister''': Look, I have my reasons, Valon. :'''Valon''': Really?! :'''Rafael''': Knock it off! We're in the presence of Master Dartz! :'''Dartz''': The Pharaoh and his friends are on his way to speak with the one we've been watching. Just make certain that you reach him before they do. :'''Rafael''': Pegasus? :'''Dartz''': And to think, I called you a bad listener. Now go see Pegasus at once! :''[Alister and Valon join Rafael in kneeling before Dartz]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': I can’t believe the very monsters I made famous and now terrorising people around the world. Oh. Talk about bad publicity. :'''Mai Valentine''': Do you always talk to yourself like that? :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': ''[turns looks at the window shelf a strange figure is Mai Valentine]'' Huh? :'''Mai Valentine''': You got to get yourself some friends, honey. :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': But how did you get past my security? :'''Mai Valentine''': I guess your office isn’t as secure as you think it is, money bags. :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': I know you, you’re Mai Valentine. Tell me, why did you come here? :'''Mai Valentine''': Good question. I came here to duel you. And to take your soul. :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': '''NO!''' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Yugi and his friends at the airport]'' :'''Yugi''': I'll see you soon, Grandpa. :'''Solomon''': Take care, Yugi. And don't forget to keep your seats upright during takeoff. And don't fill up on peanuts. :'''Yugi''': Sure, bye, Grandpa. :'''Tea Gardner''': Well, we're off. :'''Joey Wheeler''': Thanks for the ride. :'''Solomon''': You kids be careful, now! :''[Weevil and Rex are sneaking to followed Yugi and his friends to hiding in the bag.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pegasus''': Kaiba boy! I missed you! ===''Deja Duel!'' [4.05-06]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Mokuba''': Seto, We're approaching Duelist Kingdom. :'''Seto''': I'll try to make this quick. The less time I spend here, the better. :'''Mokuba''': Me, too. This place has nothing but bad memories. :'''Seto''': Initiate the landing sequence now. :'''Mokuba''': You got it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pegasus''': I just haven't been myself lately. in fact... ''[in Alister's voice]'' I mean that quite literally. :'''Mokuba''': What's going on? :'''Alister''': Surprise! ''[chuckling]'' :''[he rips himself off, revealing Alister]'' :'''Alister''': I've waited for this day for a long time, Kaiba-boy. :'''Seto''': You're gonna pay for tricking me like that! :'''Alister''': ''[as Pegasus' voice]'' Pretty good imitation, right? :'''Seto''': Identify yourself. :'''Alister''': ''[normal voice]'' Alister's the name, Kaiba boy! Now let's duel! ''[activates his chaos duel disk and draws a card]'' Hm. ''[holds up "The Seal of Orichalcos" card]'' This magic card is about to change everything. Activating the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Seto''': What's that? :'''Mokuba''': This is nuts! :'''Seto''': Explain yourself now! :'''Alister''': Oh, as if you're gonna believe me? :'''Seto''': Try me. :'''Alister''': We're trapped in here till the duel's over. Then once I crush you, I'll be able to get out. Hmm. Of course, you on the other hand won't be quite as lucky as myself Kaiba boy. :'''Seto''': What do you mean? :'''Alister''': When you lose, your soul will be locked away for all eternity... But this time, you won't be set free! :''[To Be Continued...]'' ====Part 2==== :'''Alister''': Let's get on with this. I summon Gorlag in attack mode! And here's a little bonus. :'''Seto''': Your monster just got stronger! But how?! :'''Alister''': Remember the Seal of Orichalcos? As long as it stays active on the field, every one of my monsters gets 500 attack point boost. :'''Seto''': What?! :'''Alister''': You heard me. Plus, my Gorlag gets another 500 points for every fire monster on the field. :'''Seto''': There are none! :'''Alister''': Oh, no? What do you think my Gorlag's made of? Ready, Gorlag? Attack his Versago the Destroyer, now! ''[Gorlag attacks Seto's monster and it reappears on his side of the field]'' :'''Seto''': ''[thinking]'' What's that?! :'''Alister''': Did I forget to mention my Gorlag's ''other'' special ability? Every time he destroys one of my opponent's monsters, that very same monster reappears on ''my'' side of the field-- only this time, it becomes a creature of fire! And you remember what happens when a creature of fire is on the field, right? My Gorlag gets even stronger! It's over for you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alister''': It used to be my brother's! But I'll never see him again… 'cause your father took him away from me! <hr width="50%"/> ===''An Unexpected Enemy'' [4.07]=== :'''Rafael''': Someone out there likes to crash parties. Let's find out who. ''[drives off]'' :'''Valon''': I already know. And I know just where she's going too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Don't we get a "hi"? What's with the silent treatment, Mai. :'''Mai''': I'm not Mai. at least not the Mai you knew. :'''Joey''': What? :'''Mai''': You heard me. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#The Creator Returns (E.4)|she and Pegasus' duel at Industrial Illusions]], flashback ends.]'' Alright, gang. ''[holds up the card is Maximillion Pegasus' soul is captured by the Seal of Orichalcos]'' Say hello to Pegasus. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[shocked]'' What? :'''Tristan''': Whoa... Is that really him? :'''Téa''': Ah... Question: Did you do that to him? :'''Joey''': Look! You better start talking! :'''Valon''': ''[offscreen]'' or else what!? :'''Joey''': Huh? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Joey, Yami Yugi, Téa and Tristan spots at Valon and Rafael on top]'' :'''Valon''': What's the matter, Wheeler, did your little reunion with Mai not go as well as you expected it to do? ''[to Mai]'' And you! Why are you keeping these guys all for yourself, Mai? Why don't you show some manners and share the fun with us? :'''Mai''': Mind your own business, you lackey. These geeks are mine, so deal with it. :'''Joey''': Geeks!? But we're your friends, Mai. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_3)#One_for_the_Road|Joey and Mai after the battle city finals]]]'' Please, Mai! Tell me this is all a joke! You're on ''our'' side, remember?! :'''Tristan''': Great. Mai totally sold ''us'' out! :'''Téa''': No! Mai would never do that! Tell him. You're still ''our'' friend, right? :'''Yami Yugi''': Time to explain yourself. :'''Mai''': I was never a ''part'' of your little playgroup. And now I'm gonna break you apart one-by-one. ''[activates her chaos duel disk]'' And Wheeler… I'm starting with you! :'''Joey''': Fine! :'''Mai''': It's payback time, and it all starts, now! And to think, I was once pathetic enough to call you my friend. But now I know the truth! You were holding me back from achieving true power! So say hello to my real friend… THE SEAL OF ORICHALCOS! This card's done for me than you losers ever could! ''[activates the card, trapping Joey and herself in it]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': No! Not this! :'''Mai''': ''[chuckles sinisterly]'' If you're scared now, just wait till you lose. :'''Joey''': Wake up, Mai! This thing's nothing but bad news! It's messing up your head, big time! Don't you remember everything we've been through together? Just ditch that freaky card, and things can be the way they use to be! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': It's exactly as I feared. The Orichalcos controls her! This duel must end. :'''Téa''': Otherwise, she's gonna do the same thing to Joey that she did to Pegasus! ===''My Freaky Valentine'' [4.08-10]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Mai''': What are you waiting for, Wheeler? :'''Joey''': I'm waiting for you to come to your senses! :'''Tristan''': She's lost it. How can she side with the enemy?! :'''Téa''': It's all because of that Orichalcos thing! :'''Yami-Yugi''': Now, one of them will lose their soul. :'''Téa''': No, you can't do this! Don't you see you're letting that magic card control you, Mai! You're putting your own life in danger! :'''Yugi''': They can't go through with this! We've got to do something! :'''Yami-Yugi''': But the Puzzle is powerless against that seal. :'''Valon''': Ey, Pharaoh! Quit mumblin' to yourself down there, will ya? In case you didn't realize this last time, nothing can break the Seal of Orichalcos! Once it appears, it doesn't disappear until a soul's been captured! :'''Rafael''': And don't think you're off the hook, Pharaoh. As soon as the girl takes your friend's soul, I'm takin' ''yours''. :'''Mai''': Get back in your cage, gorilla boy! When I'm done with Wheeler… Yugi belongs to ''me!'' :'''Yami-Yugi''': But why? :'''Téa''': ''She's'' nuts! :'''Rafael''': I never liked her. No respect. Any more lip from Mai and she's next. :'''Valon''': Aw, give the girl a break, will ya? She's still new at all this, mate. Plus, she's kinda cute when she gets mad, don't ya think? :'''Rafael''': Uh, no. :'''Mai''': When are you gonna make your move, hotshot? This year would be nice. :'''Joey''': What did I say?! ''I'm'' not gonna duel ''against'' you, Mai! :'''Mai''': Afraid you're not good enough? Afraid you're gonna lose like you did in Battle City?! I shoulda known you'd back down! :'''Joey''': Actually, I'm afraid I'm gonna win. 'Cause if I do… You're gonna pay for it by givin' up ''your'' soul! :'''Mai''': I have no soul! :'''Téa''': ''[shocked by what she said]'' You hear that?! :''[Valon whistles]'' :'''Mai''': I told you, the Mai you knew is gone! I traded in her soul for power! The old Mai was too lonely and pathetic. The girl was just holding me back. So I did what I had to! I sent her packing! Now, my weak side's gone for good! :'''Joey''': Well, I happen to have liked the old Mai and I'm gonna get her back! :'''Mai''': I'd like to see you try! :''[Joey activated his duel disk]'' :'''Tristan''': He's gonna go through with this?! :'''Téa''': Be careful, Joey! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mai activates her Nightmare Tri-Mirror trap card to transform the reflection of Joey's Scapegoats into four more Harpie Ladies, thus giving her a total of six Harpies]'' :'''Tristan''': Wait just a second, she can't have six monsters in play! :'''Yami-Yugi''': Remember, Tristan, thanks to the Seal of Orichalcos, Mai is allowed to have up to ''ten'' monsters on the field at once. :'''Tristan''': D'oh! Stupid magic thing! :'''Mai''': Now this is what I call, "girl power!" You're up against six Haripe Ladies all enhanced with the power of my magic card! I place one card facedown on the field. It was nice knowin' ya! I've got six Harpie Ladies and one big magic circle, and we all agree you're in over your head, Wheeler. Lucky for you, it's your move or I'd finish you off right now. So what's it gonna be? :'''Tristan''': There's nothing he can do! Mai backed Joey into a corner and now he's stuck there! :'''Yugi''': Tristan's got a point. If Joey doesn't do something quick, Mai is gonna win the duel! :'''Yami-Yugi''': That's true. And as long as the Seal of Orichalcos is on the field, Mai has all sorts of advantages. It even seems as though there are certain magic and trap cards that only she is allowed to use. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': I summon Panther Warrior in attack mode! Now, I sacrifice one scapegoat so my panther can attack! :'''Mai''': I reveal my facedown card! Harpie Lady Sparrow Formation! :'''Joey''': What?! :'''Mai''': My Harpie Ladies have all joined forces to repel your attack! :'''Tristan''': Mai didn't have that card back in Battle City. :'''Téa''': You're right. :'''Yami-Yugi''': It seems as though she's gone through more than a few changes since the last time we saw her-- including a stronger deck! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Look, Mai... I don't know what kind of spell these guys put on ya but you gotta wake up! Otherwise we're both gonna be in pretty big trouble! :'''Mai''': What spell!? No one's controlling me! ''[looks up on Valon and Rafael]'' Those two lackeys up there couldn't control my left pinky. ''I'' was sick of my life... So I ''chose'' to change it! :''[Téa, Tristan and the Pharaoh gasps and horrifying]'' :'''Joey''': ''[shocked]'' No way! :'''Téa''': How could you!? :'''Mai''': You guys wouldn't understand. You've never been an outsider like me... All alone. Duel monsters is all I have. And after [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 3)|the Battle City tournament]], I set out to become the best. I duel against chump after chump to improve my dueling skills. I needed to make a name for myself. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': I stopped whining like a loser and started taking control! Now nothing can stop me! :'''Joey''': I never knew you felt that way. Why didn't you tell us you were so unhappy? We could've helped you, Mai! :'''Mai''': '''SAVE IT!''' I don't need your kind of help! All I need now is power! And I'm about to unleash all of it on ''you!'' ''[draws]'' I play Harpie Lady Phoenix Formation! Since I have six Harpies on the field, it lets me destroy up to six of your monsters! :'''Tristan''': Hold on! Joey's only got three left! :'''Téa''': That means once Mai's Harpie Ladies attack, he'll be defenseless! :'''Yami-Yugi''': That's not all. Mai's magic card will also subtract the sum of Joey's monsters' attack points from ''his'' Life Points. :'''Mai''': Now, Harpie Ladies… unite and destroy every one of his monsters! Say goodbye to your three monsters, Wheeler! Someone is one attack away from losing their soul and I don't think it's me, sweetheart. Any last requests? :'''Tristan''': Mai's got 4000 points! She hasn't even lost one! And Joey's down to his last 200! Not to mention the fact that he's out of monsters! :'''Téa''': If he doesn't think of something right now, he's gonna lose the duel! ====Part 2==== :'''Yugi''': There is a way for Joey to end this duel without someone getting hurt, isn't there? :'''Yami-Yugi''': Yes, but it won't be easy. The Seal of Orichalcos is powerful. However, it does have limitations. It can only capture a soul when a duelist loses, and there it lies the secret to escaping its wrath. :'''Yugi''': I don't get it. :'''Yami-Yugi''': Let's hope Joey does. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': ''[spots at Weevil and Rex outside]'' It's a regalia party, What are you guys doing here? :'''Weevil''': It's that magic circle! :'''Rex''': Yeah! The same one we were trapped in! :'''Mai''': I sacrifice my two Harpies! That allows me to summon Harpie's Pet Dragon! And thanks to the Seal of Orichalcos, it gets 500 more points! Plus, it gets another 300 points for every Harpie I have on the field! :'''Yami-Yugi''': Now it has 3,400 points! :'''Mai''': It's been nice knowing ya, Wheeler! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Joey picked his own trap card in the middle, canceling Mai's attack]'' :'''Joey''': YEAH! Bingo, baby! :'''Tristan''': I knew he could do it! :'''Téa''': You go! :'''Weevil''': Now that's luck. :'''Rex''': Yeah, next time I play Bingo, I'm bringin' him! :'''Valon''': Well, there goes your theory. :'''Joey''': Looks like your last attack didn't work. So I'm still in the game! :'''Mai''': For now, maybe. :'''Téa''': That's cool. At least Joey bought himself a little time. :'''Yami-Yugi''': Yes, but it did come with a price, Téa. :'''Mai''': Impressive. But your little maneuver helped me out, too. :'''Joey''': Yeah, I know. Now you get to put the two cards you picked at the top of your deck. :'''Téa''': Oh, no! Now she can use those two cards again! :'''Yami-Yugi''': Harpie Lady Phoenix Formation and Harpie Sparrow Formation. Those are two of Mai's most powerful cards! :'''Mai''': You may have stopped my attack but my turn's not over. Next, I'll move one of my Harpie Ladies to my rear defense. And then, I'll place two cards facedown and end my turn. :'''Joey''': ''[thinking]'' I've got one more shot to do this, but I'm all out of ideas! ====Part 3==== :'''Rafael''': Valon, what are you doing!? :'''Valon''': With this fragment of the Orichalcos stone… I unlock the seal! :'''Rafael''': No! ''[jumps down]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami-Yugi''': Joey, are you alright. Joey! :'''Tristan''': Oh man. :'''Téa''': Why did he do that? :'''Rafael''': What were you thinking, Valon? You betrayed Master Dartz and risked your own soul! And you mean to tell me you did all that so you just saved some girl, Valon. :'''Valon''': She's not just some ''girl'', Rafael! :'''Rafael''': Would ''you'' listen to yourself, Valon!? ''[growls]'' I'll make up for this… By taken ''your'' soul, Pharaoh. The power around my neck puts your Puzzle to shame. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami-Yugi''': Joey! :'''Tristan''': You're okay, man! :'''Téa''': Joey! :'''Tristan''': Don't give up on us now. :'''Téa''': Joey. :'''Joey''': Where's Mai? Did those punks take her? :'''Téa''': I guess so. :'''Tristan''': Yeah. She gone. :'''Joey''': ''[gasps]'' Oh no, I was so close. ''[groans]'' I'LL GET YOU BACK, MAI! ===''The Challenge'' [4.11]=== :'''Seto Kaiba''': No way! My mind must be playing tricks on me! :'''Joey Wheeler''': I doubt that. My card seens to be doing the same thing, Kaiba! :'''Yami Yugi''': It feels as though these three dragons are calling out to us. :'''All''': Uhh! :'''Yami Yugi''': I was told that fate had chosen three modern-day warriors to release these legendary beasts. :'''Kaiba''': Chosen by fate? Get real. I'm the one who decides my fate, Yugi! Not some fairy tale about mythical dragons and giant man-eating monsters. :'''Yami Yugi''': Be reasonable for once! The world needs us! We do this as a team! :'''Kaiba''': Sorry... I don't do the teamwork thing. :'''Yami Yugi''': Listen! :'''Kaiba''': You geeks have wasted enough of my time already. I have a multi-million dollar company to run. Playtime's over. :'''Yami Yugi''': Kaiba! :'''Mokuba''': Seto.... wait up! :'''Joey''': We don't need him weighing us down anyway. With good old Hermos over here those hoodlums won't stand a chance. :'''Tristan''': Someone's back to their old self again. About time. :'''Joey''': It took me a while, but I realized being bummed out about Mai's not gonna bring her back. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': ''[angrily]'' What were ''you'' thinking?! I was just about to finish off Wheeler, and then you had butt in and ruin everything! :'''Rafael''': You're a real piece a work. He saved your soul, and this is how you repay him? :'''Mai''': Who asked to be saved?! Maybe next time, He'll learn to butt out! :'''Rafael''': Next time... We'll just let you lose. :'''Valon''': That's enough, mate, I'm fine! :'''Mai''': Yeah, Clam up, or you'll end up just like your friend here. :'''Rafael''': ''[stands up]'' ''You'' have no idea the danger you were in. :'''Mai''': Huh? :'''Rafael''': Do you remember that Hermos card Wheeler played? It's an ancient dragon that can only be controlled by a chosen duelist. :'''Mai''': Ha! Yeah, ''he'' was chosen all right! Chosen to have that scrawny butt of his kicked by a real duelist! Humph. ''[hops on Valon's motorcycle]'' Later, losers! ''[droves off]'' :'''Valon''': Hey, wait! That's mine! ''[coughs]'' :'''Mai''': ''[thinking]'' ''You'' won't escape me this time, Wheeler. :'''Valon''': I can't let Mai get hurt. I gotta stop her. :'''Rafael''': Forget about her, Valon. Let's focus on the Pharaoh. :'''Valon''': But Master Dartz said to wait. :'''Rafael''': Yeah, Well, Master Dartz doesn't always know what's best. I should take the strongest soul first. Once I get him out of the way, The others will fall right into my hands, one by one. :'''Valon''': But how do you know the Pharaoh will duel? :'''Rafael''': Because my plan is already in place. It's only a matter of time. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': A duel monster's card? ''[spots a note from Rafael and gasps]'' GRANDPA! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': You sure this is the place? :'''Yugi''': Professor Hawkins! Rebecca! :'''Rebecca''': Yugi. :'''Yugi''': Rebecca. What happened here? :'''Rebecca''': ''[in tears]'' Yugi… they tooked him. ''[starts to cries]'' My poor Grandpa! ''[sobbing]'' It’s not fair! He didn’t hurt anyone! :'''Yugi''': We’re gonna find him… I promise. :'''Rebecca''': Thank you. Who would do something like this?! <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi''': Oh, no! How far away is [[w:Death Valley|Death Valley]]? :'''Rebecca''': Well if we use Duke's car, it shouldn’t take us more than an hour or so. :'''Yugi''': Sorry, Rebecca… But I have to go alone. :'''Rebecca''': Why? :'''Yugi''': I’ve put you and your family in enough danger already. :'''Rebecca''': Uh-uh. Don’t be silly, Yugi. None of this is your fault at all. :'''Yugi''': Thanks, Rebecca. But It’s me they want, and you’ll be much safer here. And please, don’t tell Joey, Tristan, Téa and the other guys where I’m about to go, OK? :'''Rebecca''': But why? :'''Yugi''': I don’t want them to follow me there. :'''Weevil''': Interesting. :'''Rex and Weevil''': ''[looks at each other]'' Hmm? <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi''': Ready, Copernicus. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arthur''': Rebecca, Where's Yugi? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': We’ll keep an eye out on Rex and Weevil, I don’t trust those two. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Weevil''': We can't miss the showdown between Yugi and those guys. I have to find out how they made Mai into such a strong duelist. :'''Rex''': Can't we take a quick snack break? :''[Weevil and Rex spots Yami Yugi riding on Copernicus]'' :'''Weevil''': It's Yugi, he's getting ahead! :'''Rex''': No put the pedal to the metal! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': ''[looks after her grandfather was asleep and holds Ties of Friendship card what Yugi gives her]'' Be careful, Yugi. Please. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': I'm ready for you, Pharaoh. Thanks to my deck... and the power it holds. ===''Fate of the Pharaoh'' [4.12-14]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Rafael''': Very impressive, cowboy, But You'll need more than a few rodeo tricks to get yourself outta this. ''[Pharaoh crossing the bridge]'' You see, While my associates are satisfied with stealing the souls of your friends, I'm not. :'''Yami Yugi''': I did my part. Now you release the Professor Arthur Hawkins as you promised. :'''Rafael''': He's already been set free, but since you've come all this way, you might as well stay awhile. ''[?]'' So you're gonna stick around, right? 'Cause like I said before, Pharaoh, your friends aren't good enough. I need to capture the soul of the pharaoh himself so I can save the world. :'''Yami Yugi''': Save the world? Don't you see that what you're doing is going to ''destroy'' the world? or are you so insane that you can't tell the difference? :'''Rafael''': I'm just fine. It's you who's blind to what's going on. You're fighting on the wrong side. :'''Yami Yugi''': Explain yourself. :'''Rafael''': This world's a dark and lonely place to live. It's been poisoned by mankind. All I'm trying to do is fix what's been ruined by people like you, and I'll do it by locking your spirit away for good. :'''Yami Yugi''': Who do you think you are? :'''Rafael''': Look, The name's Rafael, and I called you here to duel, not shoot the breeze. I've waited for this moment long enough and I have no intention of putting our fight off for another minute, so let's go. :'''Yami Yugi''': You've given me no choice. But know this, in the end righteousness will prevail and justice shall be served. ''[activates his KC mass production duel disk]'' :'''Rafael''': That's just what I'm hoping for. ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' :'''Pharaoh and Rafael''': Let's duel! ''[their life points to 4000]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rex Raptor''': Hey Weevil, Check it out. :'''Weevil Underwood''': Yugi started dueling already. ====Part 2==== :'''Rafael''': Well, for starters, He's a better leader than you were. That's right Pharaoh. My master told me all about your history as the king of Eqypt; How you ruled as an evil dictator using the power of the shadow realm to control your subjects. :'''Yami Yugi''': Wake up. ''He'' lied. :'''Rafael''': How would you know? You have no memory of your past. So isn't it possible that you're responsible for the destruction of Egypt?! Think about it! :'''Yami Yugi''': It can't be. I know I was a worthy pharaoh. I'm the one who locked the dark magic away! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh, no! :'''Yami Yugi''': Let go! :'''Yugi''': No! You don't know what you're doing! :'''Yami Yugi''': Let go! :'''Yugi''': Listen to me! This card is affecting your mind! :'''Yami Yugi''': We're going to lose the duel! Can't you see?! Trust me! It's the only way, Yugi! We must do this! Now let me go! :'''Yugi''': Please don't play that card! :'''Yami Yugi''': Now I activate the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Rafael''': ''[thinking]'' ''Excellent''. :''[The Pharaoh activates the card]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''What have I done?'' :'''Yugi''': No! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Do you guys see what I see!? :'''Tristan''': Is that light what I think it is!? :'''Joey''': The Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Rafael''': Nice work, Pharaoh. I knew you had it in you. Now, let's see what the Orichalcos reveals about you. Are you good or are you evil? So, tell me. How do ya feel? ''[laughing]'' :''[To Be Continued...]'' ====Part 3==== :'''Yami Yugi''': What have you done to my dragon!? :'''Rafael''': It's not what I've done.... It's what ''you've'' done by playing that magic card. Guess I should warned ya. Timaeus and the Orichalcos don't mix. But at least your dark side's been set free. :'''Yami Yugi''': What have I unleashed? ''[screaming]'' You were a fool to hand me this card! For when you lose, you soul will be for all eternity where it belongs! Now I activate Hand Control! All I need to do is correctly guess the name of a card in your hand and I can activate it! And since I gave you the necromancy card, I know you're holding it! Now it's mine! Ha! Necromancy allows me to bring four monsters back from my graveyard! So return to me Big Shield Gardna... Berfomet... Gazelle the king of mythical beasts... and Kuribabylon! Next I'll sacrifice Gazelle and Berfomet so I can summon my Dark Magician! Then I'll separate my Kuribabylon into the five Kuriboh brothers I used to create it! Now my monsters, feel the power of the orichalcos! <hr width50%> :'''Yugi''': Hey, where am I? The Seal of Oricahlcos! No! ''He'' played it! What have you done, Pharaoh? <hr width50%> :'''Joey''': YUGI! :'''Tristan''': No way, dude! :'''Joey''': What's going on? Why's that oricahlcos thingy on Yugi's forehead. :''[Joey, Tristan and Duke jumped in next Weevil and Rex.]'' :'''Rex''': You guys just missed the best part. :'''Duke''': Yeah? Then why don't you two fill us in. :'''Tristan''': I don't trust these twerps as far as I can throw 'em. :'''Joey''': Hey! ''[grubs Weevil]'' My best buddy's got that freaky ding on his head and I want answers now! :'''Weevil''': Why don't you take your paws off of me and try asking nicely! :'''Joey''': Wrong answer. Now it's go time! :'''Weevil''': Don't hurt me, Don't hurt me... :'''Rex''': It's the Seal of Oricahlcos! :'''Weevil''': ...Don't hurt me, Don't hurt me... :'''Rex''': Yugi got it from that big muscle guy and then activated it! :'''Weevil''': ...Don't hurt me, Don't hurt me. :''[Joey lets go off Weevil and he, Tristan and Duke gasps sees Yami Yugi faces Rafael and he using that evil spell card in horrified and Weevil panting.]'' :'''Joey''': Yugi ''wouldn't'' do that! He knows that card is ''evil!'' :''[The Pharaoh growls as the Orichalcos appears on his forehead]'' <hr width50%> :'''Weevil''': Alright, guys, If Yugi loses I call dibs on his Dark Magician. :'''Rex''': That's not cool. Why don't you show some compassion for a change... and let me take his Dark Magician. :'''Joey''': Watch it! <hr width50%> :'''Joey''': That doesn't sound like to Yugi I know. Come on pal... Snap out of it! <hr width50%> :''[In the far corners of Yugi's subconscious mind]'' :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh, NO! The Seal of Orichalcos is in play! So the monsters on the field are real! Please don't sacrifice the Dark Magician Girl! <hr width50%> :'''Tristan''': Earth to Joey, are you there, man? :'''Joey''': I'm here, but Yug's not. he's brainwashed! :'''Tristan''': Say what?! :''[Duke gasps]'' :'''Joey''': He's sacrificing his monsters left and right and talking about "power." That's not Yugi's style a duelin' at all! That oricahlcos ding is messin' with his head! Just like it did to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|Mai!]] :''[In the far corners of Yugi's subconscious mind]'' :'''Yugi''': ''[in tears]'' How could ''he'' do this? That card is evil. I warned him. <hr width50%> :'''Rafael''': You let your rage take over. Now look into the eyes of your monsters! :'''Yami Yugi''': Please forgive me for what I've done to you! <hr width50%> :'''Rafael''': Guardian Eatos, destroy his monsters and the rest of his life points! <hr width50%> :'''Yami Yugi''': '''NO!''' :'''Rex''': No way! Yugi actually lost! :'''Duke''': This can't be! :'''Tristan''': Oh man! :'''Joey''': Yugi! :''[In the far corners of Yugi's subconscious mind]'' :'''Yugi''': If he lost the duel. Then he'll loses his soul! :'''Rafael''': ''[laughing]'' Time for you to pay up, Pharaoh. The Seal of Oricahlcos never leaves the field without taking something along for the ride. And this time it's you, and you have yourself to blame 'cause you sealed your own fate when you played that card. Now your life-force will awaken the Great Beast. :''[In the far corners of Yugi's subconscious mind]'' :'''Yugi''': Not if I can help! With all the power of the Millennium Puzzle, I break the Seal! <hr width50%> :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh, I won't let his happen to you! :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi, no! What are you doing here!? :'''Yugi''': It only needs one of us. So I'm letting the Seal take ME instead. :'''Yami Yugi''': NO! YUGI! <hr width50%> :'''Rafael''': Adios, Your Highness. :''[The Pharaoh collapses]'' :'''Joey''': Hey! You alright pal!? :'''Weevil''': I doubt it. :'''Rex''': Yeah Ditto. :'''Duke''': This is nuts. :'''Tristan''': Come on, pal. :'''Joey''': Yugi, Get up! Please, Yug! :'''Rafael''': You won't be needing these anymore. <hr width50%> :'''Weevil''': Ha! Hey, Rex. :'''Rex''': I know exactly what you're thinking. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Pharaoh wakes up]'' :'''Tristan''': He's awake! :'''Joey''': I knew you outsmart that big goon. So How'd ya Yug, How did you escape. ''[sees the Pharaoh crying]'' Everything alright pal? :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[in tears]'' No, Joey. It's far from alright. I didn't outsmart him. He succeeded. Yugi's gone. :'''Joey/Tristan/Duke''': Whoa! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Great Leviathan, Please accept my latest offering. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': I don't get it. How can you be talkin' to us if ''he'' took your soul? :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[in tears]'' Not mine! Yugi's! IT'S ALL MY FAULT! YUGI, COME BACK! IT SHOULD'VE BEEN ME, NOT HIM! IT'S NOT FAIR! ===''Trial by Stone'' [4.15]=== :''[Rex and Weevil followed Rafael on the helicopter]'' :'''Rex''': He's getting away! We have to get our hands on one of those orichalcos magic cards. Just a little more! :'''Rex and Weevil''': ''[screaming]'' :'''Rex''': This is all your fault! Help! Mommy, I'm falling! :'''Rafael''': Oh, great. :'''Rex and Weevil''': Huh?! phew. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tea''': How'd it go? Is everything OK? :'''Joey''': Not quite. We got a problem guys. :'''Tea''': What do you mean? :'''Duke''': Yugi didn't win. :'''Tristan''': He's gone. :'''Tea''': Wha- :'''Tristan''': You heard me. Yugi got beat, Tea! :'''Tea''': You're wrong! If Yugi really lost that duel, those creeps would have taken his soul with their freaky magic card, Tristan! :'''Joey''': So what's your point, Tea? :'''Tea''': My point!? If he's lost how can he be standing right... ''[gasps and turns around looks at the Pharaoh]'' behind me? Oh no. :'''Rebecca''': Yugi, talk to me. What's wrong!? Why are you acting so strange!? :'''Yami Yugi''': Rebecca, they got him. :'''Rebecca''': Got who? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi. ''[Flashes back to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|their last duel as the Seal took Yugi instead]].]'' I know. This whole thing's my fault. I'm the one who unleashed the magic that took Yugi away. :'''Rebecca''': You knew that card was evil and you still played it!? If you really were a brave pharaoh, you would never have done something like that to poor, little Yugi! :'''Tea''': Now hold on. :'''Rebecca''': Oh, Tea! ''[sobbing]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm afraid Rebecca's right. :'''Tea''': Huh? :'''Joey''': What's done is done. :'''Yami Yugi''': I let everyone down. Especially Yugi. He warned me not to play the Seal of Oricalcos card, but my rage took control. ''[Flashes back to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|their first duel, the Pharaoh activated The Seal of Oricalcos card]].]'' He paid for my mistake. :'''Joey''': You got to ''snap'' outta this! :'''Yami Yugi''': He's gone, and it's all my fault. :'''Joey''': Get a grip, man! :'''Téa''': Joey! :'''Joey''': If we're gonna rescue Yugi, We gotta move ahead, not look back, So pull yourself together! What we gotta do now is find out who this Dartz guy is and where ''he'' keeps all these souls! :'''Duke''': I've been suggesting we do that since day one, but nobody listens to me. :'''Tristan''': Stop thinking about yourself for once, Duke! :'''Duke''': Down, boy. Heel! :'''Yami Yugi''': Let him go, Tristan! :'''Tristan''': Huh? :'''Yami Yugi''': This happened because I couldn't control my anger, and if we keep fighting amongst ourselves, the orichalcos will destroy us. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': You’re about to meet our master, so don’t anything to stupid. :'''Alister''': Yeah, He doesn’t have as much patience as we do. :'''Rex and Weevil''': gulped. :''[They opened the door]'' :'''Rafael''': Mission accomplished, Master. :'''Weevil''': We're gonna become super villains. :''[Rex and Weevil giggling]'' :'''Rafael''': You'll be happy to know the strongest soul on Earth has been captured, Master Dartz. :'''Dartz''': Ah, yes. The Pharaoh. :'''Weevil''': Pharaoh? :'''Rex''': What pharaoh? :'''Dartz''': Unfortunately, you failed again. ''[chair turns around wears a suit]'' :'''Valon''': ''[walks in with an arm in sling]'' That's right. The soul of the Pharaoh is still out there, Rafael. :'''Rafael''': ''[shocked]'' What?! :'''Alister''': ''[shocked]'' Huh?! :'''Dartz''': Now watch and learn. :''[Weevil whimping]'' :'''Rex''': What's that? :'''Dartz''': The Pharaoh's [[w:Rebirth|spirit inhabits the body]] of a young man. And what we have here is a clear case of mistaken identity. :''[Camera zooming towards image of Yugi Muto in stone]'' :'''Rex''': ''[shocked]'' No way! :'''Weevil''': ''[shocked]'' Yugi?! :'''Valon''': Instead of the Pharaoh, ''you'' got the soul of some kid! :'''Rafael''': I still don't understand. :'''Dartz''': Then you need to clean out your ears, you oversized baboon. Both of their spirits inhabit one body! Get it!? ''You'' captured the wrong soul! :'''Rafael''': But how!? I’m pretty sure ''I'' was dueling the Pharaoh! So the Orichcalos should have sealed him! :'''Dartz''': Well, apparently you're not as perceptive as you think you are because ''he'' got away! :'''Rafael''': That Punk! :'''Dartz''': There's no ''one'' to blame but ''yourself''! :'''Rafael''': I can fixed this, If you’ll let me. :'''Weevil''': Hey! :'''Valon, Dartz, Rafael and Alister''': ''[spots at Rex Raptor and Weevil Underwood]'' Huh? :'''Weevil''': Let's go! :'''Rex''': Go where? :''[Rex and Weevil run to Valon, Dartz, Rafael and Alister and knees on]'' :'''Weevil''': Might I suggest something, sir? :'''Rex''': Like a better hideout? :'''Weevil''': Quiet! ''[bangs Rex's head]'' :'''Rex''': Ow! I'm just trying to be helpful. :'''Dartz''': Who are these two? :'''Rex''': Haven't you heard of us? Former regional duel monsters champions? :'''Rafael''': They're just a couple of wanna-be duelists who followed us here. They probably never even played the game. :'''Weevil''': Never played the game?! :'''Rex''': Wanna-bes?! We're great duelists, but we came here to become even better. :'''Weevil''': Yugi and his friends have been making fools of us for years. ''[flashbacks to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 1)#The Ultimate Great Moth|Yugi and Weevil's duel with the Summoned Skull and The Great Moth in defeat,]] and then [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 1)#Trial by Red-Eyes|Joey and Rex's duel with a Time Wizard and Red Eyes Black Dragon in defeat]] at Duelist Kingdom. flashback ends]'' Before ''they'' showed up, we ''ruled the duels.'' But lately it seems like we're just the butt of everyone's jokes. :'''Rex''': And no ''one'' likes being a butt. :'''Weevil''': Uh, What he means is, we want nothing more than to have our revenge. So, please, mister Dartz, sir, share your dueling secrets with us and we'll help you get what you want. :'''Rex''': Please! :'''Dartz''': It won't be easy. The Pharaoh and his little friends wield the power of the legendary dragons. How do you intend to fight against cards like those? :'''Weevil''': That's exactly why we need your help, sir. :'''Rex''': Yeah, Weevil and I need the seal of orichalcos. :'''Dartz''': You know, Before I share my power with you, I have to make sure you're worthy. :'''Weevil''': Give us a chance to prove it. :'''Rex''': We'll do anything. :'''Dartz''': Very well. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Deliver to me the soul of the Pharaoh and his companion young Joseph Wheeler. The Orichcalos is with you. Used it correctly and victory is yours. :'''Rex and Weevil''': Yes, sir. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Back inside the caravan]'' :'''Joey''': So they wanna rule the world. We've dealt with that before. :'''Yami Yugi''': No, Joey, this time things are different. :'''Tristan''': Yeah, They're not just talking about wiping out all life on earth, they're doing it! :'''Joey''': But we know how to stop 'em. :'''Tristan''': Huh? :'''Joey''': We got to go straight to the source and destroy that secret weapon of theirs. :'''Tea''': You mean [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Legend_of_the_Dragons|that weird monster-zapper in the sky?]] :'''Tristan''': Unfortunately, that thing's after more than just monsters. it's using human souls to power itself up so it can wipe out the rest of us. :'''Joey''': Yeah, and right now that thing's got Yugi, so I don't know about you, but I'm not gonna stand here twiddling my thumbs. I'm gonna take action. :'''Tea''': Look, Joey, I wanna help Yugi too, but we can't just fight this thing by ourselves. We need help. :'''Rebecca''': No, Tea. :'''Tea''': Huh? :'''Rebecca''': In case you forgot, Those jerks burned down my grandpa's laboratory and destroyed all his research. And without any hard evidence, there's no way anyone's gonna believe our story. :'''Tea''': But we have proof. It's all down in those underwater ruins. :'''Rebecca''': Whatever was there won't be of any help to us now. The ruins are gone, guys. :'''Tea''': Someone ruined the ruins? :'''Duke''': They're one step ahead of us. :'''Arthur''': ''[opens the door]'' Don't give up so easily. :'''Rebecca''': Gramps, you're awake. :'''Tea''': Yeah, shouldn't you be resting? :'''Arthur''': I'll be fine. Anyway who could sleep with you kids chit chatting all day? Besides, I can help you find the information you need. You're right about looking to the ruins for answers. :'''Yami Yugi''': So did you discover anything more about these thugs? :'''Arthur''': Well, I can't be sure, but based on the inscriptions I found, there's a good chance these fellows are descendants of Atlantis, an ancient continent said to have disappeared into the ocean thousands of years ago without a trace. :'''Tea''': Are you sure? :'''Duke''': Professor, If your hunch is right, Why would these people want to destroy what was left of their ancestors' city? :'''Arthur''': They must be trying to hide something. Those ruins revealed the history of Atlantis, and it's not a pleasant one. They must what to keep it a secret. :'''Yami Yugi''': How much of this history do you know? :'''Arthur''': Thousands of years ago, Atlantis was home to the most advanced civilization the world had ever known. It truly was a paradise on earth, a land of eternal tranquility where everyone lived in peace until one day, when a dreadful creature was called forth from the depths of the earth by an evil king. :'''Yami Yugi''': An evil king? Oh, no. ''[Flashes back to their first duel, Rafael told Pharaoh heard about the Pharaoh are the one responsible for the destroy Egypt.]'' :'''Tea''': ''[worried]'' What's wrong? Are you OK? :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm fine. :'''Arthur''': It seems this power hungry king drew his evil strength from a mysterious stone, and this stone drew it's strength from another world. :'''Joey''': It's that rock they wear on their neck, Isn't it? :'''Arthur''': I'm not sure. That's all I was able to translate. :'''Joey''': NO! :'''Tristan''': Chill out, man. you'll blow a gasket. :'''Joey''': You guys don't get it, do you? Those Atlantis freaks are trying to cover something up about this ancient mega-monster. :'''Duke''': Of course. There was probably something written in those ruins about how to destroy that thing before it destroys us. :'''Tristan''': I get it. Hey, Joey, I guess you had your good idea for the year. :'''Arthur''': The ruins may have been destroyed, but there are copies of the inscriptions at a museum. It's in [[Florida]], where I was doing my underwater research. :'''Tea''': Perfect. So all we have to do is go there and translate the rest. :'''Arthur''': Mm-hmm. :'''Joey''': What are we waiting for? Let's head to sunshine state and find out the secret to defeating these guys and saving Yugi, right? :'''Tristan''': I'm right behind ya, man! Goodbye to Death Valley, Hello to fun in the sun. :'''Duke''': That's great. Just one question: How are we supposed to get there? :'''Tristan''': We're doomed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kaiba''': ''[after hearing what happened to Yugi over the phone]'' YUGI LOST?! Yugi gave up his Duel Monsters crown to some nobody?! No one deserves that title but me! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[calmly]'' Hold on. :'''Kaiba''': I don't wanna hear another word! You're a disgrace to the game, Yugi! ''[hangs up]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': I'll book our flights and we'll take a train to the airport. I just hope we can save Yugi before it's too late. ===''On the Wrong Track'' [4.16-18]=== ====Part 1==== :''[at the train station]'' :'''Téa''': How this train ride anyway? :'''Joey''': Too long. :'''Téa''': ''[sighs]'' Any chance you wanna go instead of me, Duke? :'''Duke''': No can do, Téa. I gotta stick with Professor Hawkins in case those biker punks come back. :'''Tristan''': Duke's right. Plus he's gonna keep an eye on Rebecca too. :''[Flashback to Rebecca and Arthur see Pharaoh and his friends leaving]'' :'''Rebecca''': I wanna go too! They need a brain like mine to figure out how to save Yugi! Please!? :'''Arthur''': It's too dangerous. And the Pharaoh has enough on his mind already. :'''Rebecca''': Huh? :'''Arthur''': The last thing he needs is the responsibility of looking after you. His closest friend in the world's been taken from him. :'''Rebecca''': ''[cries ran back to the caravan]'' You don't understand anything, Grandpa! :'''Arthur''': Rebecca, wait! It's for your own good! :''[the flashback ends]'' :'''Duke''': You better get on the train before you miss your ride. :'''Joey''': We got plenty of time. :'''Tristan''': No, we don’t. :'''Joey''': Like I said "All Aboard!" :'''Téa''': Take care, Duke. :''[Joey, Tristan, Pharaoh and Téa are onboard the train carriages as the train horns blares and the train departed from the station as Duke waves to them.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Téa''': Come on, you gotta cheer up. I promise we'll get Yugi back. But in the meantime, you can't just sit around moping. It might feel better to talk about it. We can even come up with a plan together. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[sighs, gets up the seat and sadly walked off alone]'' Sorry Téa. :'''Téa''': Poor guy. ''[watches the Pharaoh walked off alone feeling sad after he lost the duel with Rafael]'' :'''Tristan''': Just let him go, Téa. :'''Téa''': Huh? :'''Tristan''': I think he needs to be alone for a while you know? :'''Joey''': He's already alone. :'''Téa and Tristan''': Huh? :'''Joey''': Isn't that the whole problem? He’s crushed. But he’ll be alright soon enough. ‘Cause we’re going to rescue Yugi, right guys? :'''Téa''': There’s no doubt. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' How could ''I'' have been so selfish? I gave in to the darkness within my heart... and Yugi paid the price. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|their last duel with Rafael as the Seal took Yugi instead]].]'' I've lost him forever. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tea''': ''[sighs]'' He's been gone for a while. :'''Tristan''': ''[notices the passengers are empty]'' Hey, Hold on. He's not the only one! :'''Joey''': Huh? :'''Tristan''': Call me crazy. But wasn't this train completely filled with passengers just a minute ago?! What's the deal!? How can a train full of people all of a sudden be empty!? :'''Joey''': What?! :''[Joey and Tea sees passengers are empty]'' :'''Tea''': Alright. Now I'm officially freaked out! :''[back at Dartz's lair]'' :'''Dartz''': ''[evilly laughter]'' A vacant train is the least of your problems, my young friends. I'm just getting warmed up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tea''': There you are. :'''Yami Yugi''': Huh? :'''Joey''': 'Case you haven't noticed, Something weird's going on. :'''Tristan''': If you asked me. I'd say this whole train ride is another trap. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[gasp]'' :'''Joey''': I'm sure those same slime balls are behind this. and I bet they're onboard. :'''Tristan''': Well what are we standing here for? Let's get 'em! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': Pharaoh! Tea! Whatta we do now!? :'''Yami Yugi''': Get help! :'''Tea''': Come on, we have to find a way to stop this train! :'''Tristan''': Hey, we're slowing down! You heard 'em. we gotta get help. :'''Joey''': I know... but there's a problem. ''[he and Tristan jumps off the rail coaches]'' We're in the middle of nowhere! and we don't even know those two are gonna end up. Bye, guys. Hang in there. :'''Tristan''': I guess it's just you and me now. :'''Joey''': Hmm ''[sees Rex appears snickers in the railcar with his chaos duel disk on.]'' Huh? Rex!? What are you doing here? :'''Rex Raptor''': ''[jumps off the rail coaches and walks towards Joey and Tristan]'' I still have a score to settle with you, Wheeler. Remember? You tooked my Red Eyes Black Dragon. :'''Joey''': Rex, This is not the time. :'''Rex''': It’s the perfect time for revenge. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[sees Weevil appears on top of this train with his chaos duel disk on]'' Weevil Underwood! Are you behind this!? You'd better start explaining yourself! :'''Tea Gardner''': Weevil? What are you what with us, worm boy! :'''Weevil Underwood''': What are you think I what? A rematched with the king of games! :'''Tea Gardner''': Are you nuts!? :'''Weevil Underwood''': I'm just in the mood for a friendly duel. :'''Yami Yugi''': Weevil, Who put you up to this? :'''Weevil Underwood''': No one did. I figured this was a good time to test out my new secret weapon, that's all. :'''Tristan Taylor''': Is that magic rock the professor told us about it! Where did you find that thing, Raptor!? :'''Joey Wheeler''': I knew it! ''He's'' working for ''them!'' :''[back on the train]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': You've been brainwashed, Weevil! :'''Téa''': Wake up! Those guys are just using you! :'''Weevil''': Who cares! as long as I have ultimate power! :'''Yami Yugi''': You're ''wrong!'' :'''Weevil''': Then just duel ''me!'' :'''Téa''': Wait a minute! :'''Yami Yugi''': Huh? Téa, no! It's too dangerous! :'''Téa''': Weevil! Don't you realize that if you go through with this duel, one of you guys is gonna lose your soul forever!? :'''Yami Yugi''': Téa. :'''Weevil''': Of course I do, Téa. That's the whole reason I'm here! To make him pay by ''sealing him away!'' :'''Téa''': Oh! :'''Yami Yugi''': Oh no! :'''Weevil''': Don't worry. Soon you'll be locked away with your friend Yugi, Pharaoh! ''[laughing]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Where is ''he!?'' Tell me! :'''Weevil''': I'm afraid the only way to find out is to duel me. so if you back down now, then you'll never see that little twerp again! :'''Yami Yugi''': Very well! Then let's duel! :'''Weevil''': ''[laughing]'' Wise choice, Pharaoh! ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' :'''Rex''': ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' I'm gonna enjoy this! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey Wheeler''': What did you do to my friends!? :'''Rex Raptor''': Nothing! Weevil's dealing with those two losers why I handled you two. :'''Tristan Taylor''': Weevil? So he's in on this train too. :'''Joey''': Rex, you guys pick the wrong side to join. :'''Rex''': Oh really? Well, we'll just see about that won't we. I've been given more power then you ever dreamed of! :'''Joey''': ''[growl]'' Look, Rex, not only can I duel circles around your sorry behind but you're half my size! So why don't you get out of my way before I step on you! :'''Rex''': Sorry, pal. I'm not going anywhere till we duel! So draw your cards and let's get it on, chump! I've got a duel to win! :'''Tristan''': Now what? :'''Joey''': ''[sighs]'' I warned them. Now let's trample this geek and then go find Yugi and Téa. :'''Tristan''': Good call. :'''Rex''': Oh yeah? You'll change your mind when ''I'' activate this card! :'''Joey and Tristan''': Huh? :'''Rex''': ''[snickers and holds up "The Seal of Orichalcos" card]'' Look familiar!? :'''Tristan''': The Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Joey''': Drop the card! That thing is evil, Rex. I'm telling ya, you have no idea what you're doing! :'''Rex''': You're not so tough now! Are you, Wheeler! ''[laughs and activates the card]'' :'''Joey''': ''He'' played it! :''[Joey and Tristan grunting and as Rex screams]'' :'''Tristan''': Aah! :'''Joey''': No, Tristan! :'''Rex''': Ahh! Ha Ha Ha! Now... That's what I call power. :'''Joey''': What was ''he'' thinking playing that! :'''Tristan''': Be careful, man! He just raised the stakes a this duel big time! Now who ever loses the game, loses their soul! :'''Joey''': Gee, Thanks for the reminder. :'''Rex''': Let's do this. It's payback time! :'''Joey''': Sorry, Rex. ''I'' won't duel ''you!'' :'''Rex''': You don't have much ''choice!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Weevil Underwood''': I won’t keep you in suspense any longer! ''[snickers]'' It’s my move! ''[holds up "The Seal of Orichalcos" card]'' And I think I’ll play the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Yami Yugi''': Weevil, don’t be a fool! :'''Weevil Underwood''': What seems to be the problem, Pharaoh? You’ve played this card before, haven’t you? If I’m not mistaken, this is what you used to lock little Yugi away! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Looks like the battles are underway. :'''Rafael''': Yes, Master. And if all goes well, the soul of the Pharaoh will soon be yours. Of course, we win no matter what, because whatever the final outcome is, we get two souls. :'''Dartz''': ''[evilly snickers]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rex Raptor''': Are you gonna duel, Wheeler? or just stand there like a loser while I take you apart? :'''Joey Wheeler''': I got no choice. Alright I didn't wanna do this... But you got yourself a duel! :'''Tristan Taylor''': Are you sure? :'''Joey Wheeler''': It's the only way to save Yuge, so yes. :'''Rex Raptor''': Good answer. I've been waiting for this moment for years. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': ''[evilly snickers]'' It won't be long now. The soul of the Pharaoh is nearly in my grasp. After all we have the perfect bait. ''[evilly laughter]'' :''[To Be Continued...]'' ====Part 2==== :''[Joey and Rex were still dueling with Panther Warrior, the two Gilasaurus and Kaitoptera still on the field]'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': Dude, you've got three dinos breathing down your neck! You better think of something before you're extinct! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Gee, thanks. :'''Rex Raptor''': You're in way over your head! Thanks to the Seal of Orichalcos, I can never be beat, but enough talk! On with the Duel! ''[draws Polymerization from his Deck]'' It's showtime. First, I'll use Polymerization to combine my Gilasaurus with my Kaitoptera to form Horned Saurus! ''[Horned Saurus appears on the field]'' But you ain't seen nothing yet! Next I'll play Giant Rex! ''[Giant Rex also appears on the field]'' And the Seal of Orichalcos gives my Jurassic giants a power boost! ''[Horned Saurus' and Giant Rex's eyes glow red as the Seal of Orichalcos raises their attack by 500]'' Time to get prehistoric on you, Wheeler, by letting my ravenous meat-eaters chow down on your Life Points! My Horned Saurus is up first! Now, attack Wheeler directly! :'''Tristan Taylor''': How can he do that when you've got a monster on the field? :'''Rex Raptor''': Easy, Horned Saurus has a special ability that lets him bypass your monsters and go straight for your Life Points! Tough break. ''[Horned Saurus fires a shockwave blast on top of Joey, making Joey's Life Points drop to 1500]'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': That runt is kicking your butt! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Thanks for the help. You're a real pal. :'''Rex Raptor''': For my next trick, Giant Rex will make your Panther Warrior disappear! ''[Giant Rex attack and destroys Panther Warrior]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Be patient, Great Leviathan. Soon the soul of the Pharaoh shall be yours. ''[evil laughing]'' :'''Weevil''': ''[chucking]'' You’re about to pay the ultimate price, and I’ll be known as the duelist who dethroned the king of games! :''[To Be Continued...]'' ====Part 3==== :'''Yami Yugi''': My dragon! He abandoned me! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rex Raptor''': Please Save me! ''[screaming as the Oricalchos claims Rex's soul]'' :'''Joey Wheeler''': ''Sorry, Rex. It's the only way.'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': Rex! Come on, man wake up! I know you're in there somewhere so snap out of it. :'''Joey Wheeler''': It's no use, Tristan. The Orichalcos has him now. But I promise we'll get him back. As soon as we find Pegasus and Yugi. :'''Tristan Taylor''': Yeah, but how? :'''Joey Wheeler''': But first we gotta figured out where this Dartz guy hangs out. Find him, and we'll find them. YOU HEAR ME, DARTZ?! WE'RE COMING TO GET YOU! AND WE'RE NOT LEAVING WITHOUT OUR FRIENDS! ''[echoes]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Yami Yugi and Weevil's Duel is still underway with Breaker the Magical Warrior, Poison Butterfly and Armored Centipede on the field]'' :'''Weevil Underwood''': I'll tell you what. Because I feel sorry for you, I'd be willing to do you a little favor before you lose. I have a card in my pocket I think you'd like to see. I can't wait to see the look on your face! ''[laughs hysterically]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[snarls]'' ''Weevil!'' :'''Weevil Underwood''': Relax, Pharaoh, I'm just trying to be nice. It's the least I can do to repay you for ruining my life. You wanna see Yugi, right? ''[the flashback cuts in]'' His spirit is trapped, deep in the caverns of Dartz's lair, and I know how to set him free! ''[cuts back to the present]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Tell me how to save him right now! :'''Weevil Underwood''': ''[laughs]'' Very well. In order to release his soul, you'll need a special card. ''[takes out a Gokibore card out of his pocket]'' And I've got it right here. :'''Yami Yugi''': What?! Then hand it to me now! :'''Weevil Underwood''': That's not a nice way to ask! Why don't you try saying, "Pretty please, with sugar on top"? ''[Yami Yugi walks short, but realizes that Weevil was bluffing]'' Oh, well, too late! So it looks like I'll have to teach you a lesson in manners! Now say goodbye! ''[rips the Gokibore card in half]'' Yugi's gone FOREVER! ''[Yami Yugi, having witnessed Weevil rip the card, suddenly erupts into an uncontrollable rage]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[roars ferociously]'' '''NO!''' :'''Weevil Underwood''': ''[laughing]'' :'''Tea Gardner''': ''[in tears]'' No. Poor Yugi. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[furiously]'' You snake! :'''Weevil Underwood''': ''[laughs]'' Don’t you know a joke when you hear one? I tore up a useless bug card. :'''Tea Gardner''': Huh? ''[anger]'' Weevil, That’s not very funny! :'''Weevil Underwood''': You people have no sense of humour! :'''Yami Yugi''': You'll pay for that! You hear me, Weevil!? :'''Weevil Underwood''': Ha! Huh? :'''Yami Yugi''': You'll pay dearly! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Weevil Underwood''': ''[thinking]'' Yugi's been planning this all along! :'''Yami Yugi''': It's the beginning of the end for you! ''[draws a monster card from his Deck]'' I've drawn Queen's Knight! ''[discards Queen's Knight to the Graveyard]'' And since it's a monster, my warrior can attack! Go! ''[Breaker attacks Weevil's Life Points, making them go to 700]'' Now, for my next card! ''[draws Gazelle the King of Mythical Beasts]'' Looks like you're out of luck. Attack again! ''[Breaker makes a second attack at Weevil, making Weevil's Life Points drop to 0]'' I draw again! ''[draws Big Shield Gardna]'' Another monster! ''[Breaker delivers the third blow to Weevil]'' This just isn't your day! ''[draws Alpha the Magnet Warrior and Breaker attacks Weevil while Tea tearfully witnesses the moment]'' Breaker, attack him again! ''[Breaker delivers the last blow to Weevil, just as the Oricalchos claims Weevil's soul]'' Let's see. ''[draws Dark Magician Girl]'' Oh, well... :'''Tea Gardner''': ''[rushes to Yami Yugi in tears]'' Please, Pharaoh! No more! :'''Yami Yugi''': Let me go! :'''Tea Gardner''': You can stop now. It's over. You've already won the duel. The Seal of Oricalchos is gone. We have to put an end to all this. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''Tea's right'', ''[holds Dark Magician Girl card]'' ''I have a promise to keep.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': So many souls, so little time. The Great Leviathan is growing impatient. I must supply him with the power he needs to awaken… and for that, I need the soul of the Pharaoh. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Tell me where Yugi is! :'''Tea Gardner''': Pharaoh... It's no use. You won. So the Seal of Oricalcos took Weevil away. Pharaoh? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': No! I need him alive! ===''Self Destruction'' [4.19]=== :''[after the train derails and falling off the cliffs a passenger car on the river, at Dartz's lair Dartz not happy]'' :'''Dartz''': ''[stands up]'' Somehow I've lost contact with the Pharaoh. :'''Rafael''': Maybe he didn't survive the fall. :'''Dartz''': He did. However, Something or someone is hiding him from my vision. :'''Rafael''': Then let me be your eyes, Master. I'll track him down and make up for my failure. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chris''': ''[offscreen]'' Skye! Get back here! Skye! ''[appeared enter the tent]'' That's no way to treat our guests. ''[to Pharaoh and Téa]'' Sorry if she woke you up. :'''Yami Yugi''': Who are you? How did you find us? :'''Chris''': You can call me Chris. ''[giggles]'' And you've already met Skye. She's the one that found you. She was sniffing around for food and ended up sniffing out you guys instead. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ironheart''': I see your strength is back. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes, Thank you. :'''Ironheart''': Pleased to hear it. You two had me worried. By the way, the name is Ironheart, and I believe this belongs to you. Pardon me for being intrusive... But I couldn't help noticing you possess the legendary Eye of Timaeus... The only one of it's kind. :'''Yami Yugi''': Take it. I'm not deserving of it's power. :'''Téa Gardner''': That's not true. :'''Ironheart''': I'll hold it until you're ready. :'''Téa Gardner''': Did you find another kid? He had glasses and a bad haircut? He was on the train with us it crashed. :'''Ironheart''': No, I'm afraid you were the only ones we found. Perhaps your friend was able to escape before the train fell off that cliff. I assure you, there wasn't another soul on board. :'''Yami Yugi''': I highly doubt Weevil was able to escape. Not in the condition he was in. I'm afraid there's a greater power at work here. :'''Ironheart''': I must say, young man. You seem to possess a wisdom that reaches far beyond your years. Now, I've encountered many people in my travels... but there's something about you i've never seen before... something in your eyes. I'm also sensing that you hold a great deal of loneliness in your heart. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's because I recently lost a very close friend of mine. His name is Yugi Muto. And now... I'm on a journey to find his soul. :'''Ironheart''': What will you do if you find him? :'''Yami Yugi''': I’ll apologize for betraying his trust and abandoning him. :'''Ironheart''': Hmm. I might just be able to help. Follow me. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Rafael jumps on the rail carriage after the train falls off the cliff looking for the Pharaoh.]'' :'''Rafael''': Hey, Pharaoh! You in there or not!? How did he escape? ''[looks at the mountain]'' I'LL FIND YOU, PHARAOH, WHEREVER YOU ARE! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi Muto''': Is that really you? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi! :'''Tea''': Hey, It's him! :'''Yami Yugi''': I've found you! Hmm? :'''Yugi''': You came all this way just to see me? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes of course, I just want you to say how sorry I am. :'''Yugi''': I'm sorry too, I wish this whole thing never happened. :'''Yami Yugi''': It's my fault. I surrendered to my inner darkness. I allowed my anger to take over and you paid the price. But now that you're gone, The darkness is starting to grow without your light to keep me pure... I'm becoming evil, Yugi. I'm beginning to believe that what Rafael said about me is true. Perhaps I was a [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|wicked pharaoh]]. ''[Flashes back to their first duel, Rafael told Pharaoh heard about the Pharaoh are the one responsible for the destroy Egypt.]'' What if I am the one responsible for the destruction of Egypt? If I'm capable of such horrific behavior then it's my soul that should be locked away. :'''Yugi''': Well, What good is that now!? ''I'm'' the one who's been locked away forever, Not ''you''! :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm sorry? :'''Yugi''': Well, The last thing I need is your pity, Pharaoh! If You're really evil there's only thing to do. :'''Yami Yugi''': What are you saying? :'''Yugi''': You said it yourself, Didn't you? Your spirit should be locked away with mine. And I'm gonna do it. :'''Yami Yugi''': Wait! You misunderstood me! :'''Yugi''': Oh, So now you're taking back what you said!? Make up your mind! ''You'' don't deserve to be a part of this world! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[shocked]'' Yugi. :'''Yugi''': It's about time you started taking some responsibility for what you've done! There's only one thing left to do and you know it! You need to be a man for once and face me in a duel now! :'''Yami Yugi''': No please. :'''Yugi''': Too late! It's time for you to pay! If you're really sorry then you'll do this! It's time to duel! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tea''': Wait, So he's gonna duel himself. But why? :'''Ironheart''': This is the only way. :'''Tea''': Huh? :'''Chris''': That's why we took you guys here. So the pharaoh can face his other half. He has to deal with what he did so he can put it all behind him and finally move on. :'''Tea''': How do you know all this stuff? :'''Chris''': We've always known this. We were taught that a warrior would come to save our world. And as soon as we found you guys, We knew that he was the one. :'''Tea''': So, what's he supposed to do now? :'''Ironheart''': His first step is to face his inner fears and conquer the darkness that lurks within his heart. But if he loses this battle, The pharaoh's spirit will remain here forever. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Why are ''you'' acting like this?! :'''Yugi''': I'm just a reflection of ''you''! :'''Yami Yugi''': What do you mean, Yugi!? :'''Yugi''': You don't get it, do you? You and I are exactly the same. So the darkness that's in your heart... is also inside my heart. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi, I wish I could take it back. :'''Yugi''': Too late! You've already shown me who you really are an evil pharaoh who cares only about himself! Face the Facts! ''You'' didn't care what happened to me so long as you had power! Now it's my turn! :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi, wait! Are you holding the card I think you are!? :'''Yugi''': It's sounds like your starting to catch on aren't you, your highness? This duel is a chance for you to look at yourself from the outside. And there's only one card that can make that happen... The Seal of Orichalcos. :'''Yami Yugi''': Huh!? Yugi, no! ''[gasps]'' :'''Yugi''': Now it's pay back time, For taken my soul! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi… Don’t do this! Snap out of it! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': YUGI NO! I won't let you do this! ''[screaming]'' '''STOP!''' I ACTIVATE THE TRAP CARD... DIVINE WIND! :'''Yugi''': He did it! He was able to reverse my attack and double its strength to win the duel! :''[blast on Yugi and he screams and making his Life Points drop to 0]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': What have I done!? Yugi! :'''Yugi''': ''[groaning]'' :'''Tea Gardner''': Is he alright? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi! ''[running towards Yugi]'' Come on! ''[holds his body]'' Speak to me, Please! :'''Yugi''': You passed the test, pal. :'''Yami Yugi''': What are you taking about, Yugi? Did you plan this all along? :'''Yugi''': It was the only way. By defeating me you were able to defeat the darkness that was inside your heart. It wasn’t easy, But you did what was best for me and for mankind. You acted like a true hero. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[in tears]'' But now what? What can I do? :'''Yugi''': Don't give up this fight. Remember... I'm aways with you. ''[disappears]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[gasps see Yugi disappears]'' I'll save you! No matter what it takes. ===''Reliving the Past'' [4.20]=== :'''Téa''': Seems like the Pharaoh's in pretty bad shape down there. :'''Ironheart''': Of course. There's still a hole in his heart has Yet to be filled. :'''Téa''': ''[worried; thinking]'' Poor, guy. He still blames himself for what happened to Yugi. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[cries in tears after the duel with Yugi]'' Yugi, If it weren’t for me, You'd still be here. I'll never forgive myself. ''[Flashes back to their [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|last duel as the Seal took Yugi instead]].]'' Mark my words! I won't rest you until I get you back! Uhh! It's not fair! I should be locked away! Not you! I’m the one ''who'' played that evil card! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Meet Orichalcos Gigas! Attack the Pharaoh! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': I've got you right where I what you, Pharaoh. ''[evilly chuckle]'' :''[Rafael watches the Pharaoh and the Orichalcos soldier were still dueling with Obnoxious Celtic Guardian and Orichalcos Gigas still on the field]'' :'''Rafael''': Let's see you get yourself outta this. :'''Tea Gardner''': He's about to lose! :'''Ironheart''': There is but one thing that can save him. :'''Chris''': The card he gave you? :'''Ironheart''': Mmm. ''[grabs the card]'' The Eye of Timaeus. The creature that fought by my side so long ago. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': ''[spots at Ironheart]'' Who is that? :'''Ironheart''': Pharaoh! Take this card! :'''Yami Yugi''': Ironheart!? :'''Dartz''': You've disrupted my plans for the last time, old man. :''[lightning bolt strikes on Ironheart]'' :'''Ironheart''': AAH! :'''Yami Yugi''': IRONHEART! NO! :'''Chris''': GRANDFATHER! :'''Ironheart''': ''[groaning and collapses and holds up "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' Please take this card from me. It's the only way to defeat the beast. :''[Orichalcos blocks the Pharaoh on the field]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': I can't get out! :'''Chris''': Grandpa! :'''Ironheart''': It's up to you. :'''Chris''': What do you mean, Gramps? :'''Ironheart''': ''[groaning]'' Take this... and bring it to the Pharaoh. ''[Chris grab "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' Otherwise, All hope is lost. Good luck. ''[disappears]'' :'''Chris''': ''[gasps, sees her grandfather disappears in tears]'' No, Grandpa! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Please, Chris, Turn back! It's far too dangerous! :'''Chris''': ''[running, holds up "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' Pharaoh, My Grandpa want you to have this! ''[lightning bolt strikes on Chris]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': NO! :'''Chris''': ''[screaming]'' AAAAAHHHH! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Chris, No! :'''Chris''': ''[gasping]'' Pharaoh... ''[holds up "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' Take this... please. :'''Yami Yugi''': What is it? :'''Chris''': ''[groaning]'' It's the only thing that can stop him. It saved us once... and with your help it can save us again. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[grab and hold the card]'' The Eye of Timaeus. :'''Chris''': ''[smile and eyes closed]'' I trust you, Pharaoh. Thank you. ''[disappears]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[see Chris disappears]'' Hold on! Come back! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': There's only one thing left to do, ''[looks at "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' I hope you deem me worthy of your power, ''[close his eyes]'' I’m truly sorry for having betrayed you. But the lives are so many innocent people are getting hurt and depending on you, So I asked you not for myself, But for all those at risk. Please help me, Timaeus. The future of two worlds hangs in the balance, ''[open his eyes]'' we must win! No matter what. ''[draws Dark Magician Girl card]'' Now I sacrifice my Celtic Guardian in order to summon Dark Magician Girl! ''[summons Dark Magician Girl]'' Next I'll play... The legendary Eye of Timaeus! :'''Dartz''': He'll never learn. :'''Rafael''': ''[surprised]'' I don't believe it. He should never have been able to summon that dragon! :'''Yami Yugi''': Dark Magician Girl, fuse with Timaeus, forming Dark Magician Girl the dragon knight! Next, I'll enhance your strength with my Excalibur magic card! Attack! Destroy his creature of darkness! ''[Timaeus fire blast and Dark Magician Girl rise the sword and blast on the Orichalcos Gigas and the Orichalcos Soldier Blasting light]'' YOU HEAR ME, DARTZ?! I'M COMING TO GET YOU! AND I'M NOT LEAVING WITHOUT MY FRIENDS! ''[echoes]'' :'''Dartz''': ''[thinking]'' This isn't over, Pharaoh. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey Wheeler''': I'm assuming you see that gigantic green sunset over there, right? :'''Tristan Taylor''': What do you think it is? :'''Joey''': Hmm? ''[holds "The Claw of Hermos" card glowing]'' I'm guessing it's got something to do with this. Let's just hope Téa and the Pharaoh are alright. Come on! ''[ran off]'' :'''Tristan''': Hey, Wait! It's your turn to carry Rex! ''[ran off to followed Joey]'' I know you can hear me! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[to Timaeus and Dark Magician Girl]'' Well done, my creatures. He's gone now. Thanks to you two. But I feel this is just the beginning. :'''Rafael''': I have to say I'm glad you won, Pharaoh. 'Cause now I can be the one who delivers your soul to Master Dartz. ''[walks away]'' :''[Tea spots at Ironheart, Chris and Skye along with the three legendary dragons in stone]'' :'''Tea Gardner''': Wait. That's a carving of Ironheart, Chris and Skye from 10,000 years ago? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes. :'''Tea Gardner''': So you mean to tell me that those guys were just ghosts or something? :'''Yami Yugi''': They're spirits who once fought a great war, and now they've been captured by Dartz. ''[Tea stands up then she and the Pharaoh turns around and walks away]'' This gives me three more reasons to hunt down this madman and bring peace to the world once again. ===''Deck of Armor'' [4.21]=== :'''Yami Yugi''': Take my hand. We're back where we left off. :'''Téa''': Nice. Now all we have to do is follow those railway tracks. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's right. If all goes well, they should lead us straight to Tristan and Joey. assuming they haven't wandered off. :'''Téa''': They better be there. We have to do what we set out to do. Figure out where this Dartz creep hangs out so we can set free everyone he captured. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes, Téa. I only wish it were that easy. :'''Téa''': And remind me never to get on the train again. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Inside Paradius headquarters Mai at the meeting room with Dartz, Valon, Rafael, and Alister after Joey defeats Rex Raptor at the middle of nowhere on the railway line]'' :'''Mai Valentine''': Just leave Joey Wheeler to me. :'''Rafael''': You'll do nothing until Master Dartz gives you an assignment. :'''Mai Valentine''': What is this, Third grade? I decide who I'm gonna duel for myself. I don't wait for the homework assignment. :'''Rafael''': Why don't you show a little respect? :'''Alister''': Come on, Raf, as if little miss loud mouth knows respect? :'''Mai Valentine''': What did you call me? :'''Rafael''': Relax. :'''Mai Valentine''': Look, I was doing perfectly fine until Johnny stuntman over there stepped in. If it wasn't for you, I would a won. As for you, I don't need some scrawny freak dictating my every move! I'm out of here, losers! ''[opens the door]'' Humph! ''[walks off alone]'' :'''Dartz''': Just let her go, Valon. :'''Valon''': Hmm? :'''Dartz''': She can try to run away from fate, But in the end she'll get what she deserves. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': I know you’re deep down you feel the way I do, Mai. :'''Mai''': What? :'''Valon''': That’s why we found each other. You’re just like me… Lonely and misunderstood. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duke Devlin''': ''[driving]'' Should we have left so soon? :'''Rebecca Hawkins''': Of course. Time is running out. We have to catch up with the others now. ''[inside the caravan, Arthur was asleep]'' Besides, Gramps can get just as much rest on the road. Plus, we can't translate those ancient ruins without his help, Duke. :'''Duke''': Huh? ''[spots at Valon with Mai Valentine]'' Hey Rebecca, look, It's Mai Valentine. But what's she doing here? Wait a sec! That guy... ''[Flashes back to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|Joey and Mai's first duel]], Duke saw Valon next to Rafael watching Mai against Joey]'' I recognize him. He's one of those biker punks that brainwashed Mai. ''[cuts back to the present]'' He works for Dartz. :'''Rebecca''': Stop the car, Duke! :'''Duke''': Rebecca! Hold on! We’re dealing with a lunatic here! :'''Rebecca''': Alright, Tell me what you did with Yugi?! You guys had no right to take him! :'''Valon''': Sorry, kid, Never heard of him. :'''Rebecca''': Well, maybe this’ll refresh your memory! I win, You talk! Let’s duel! :'''Duke''': No, Rebecca! It’s too dangerous! :'''Rebecca''': I’ll be fine. I’ve dueled tougher opponents than this. So what are you say, punk? Do we have a deal or not? :'''Valon''': You can’t be serious, kid. :'''Mai''': Here’s your big chance. Why don’t you show me your stuff. :'''Rebecca''': Let’s go. I don’t have all day. :'''Valon''': Well, why not? She could use a lesson in manners and I got five minutes to kill. Plus I can sho off a few of my new dueling strategies. Alright. You talked me into it, mate. Let’s have a go. :'''Duke''': Hold on! If you dueling her then you'll dueling me too, tough guy! :'''Valon''': Peachy. Then I’ll take both of you blokes on. Ha. ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' Pay attention, Mai. This is for you. :'''Duke''': Remember, Rebecca, don’t let him play the seal of Orichalcos. :'''Rebecca''': Got it. :'''Valon, Duke and Rebecca''': Let’s duel! <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :''[Valon defeats Rebecca Hawkins and Duke Devlin in their duel.]'' :'''Rebecca''': Fine, You won. Now leave us alone. :'''Duke''': Get lost. :'''Valon''': Very well then, I gotta message for Joey Wheeler, tell that punk he's next. ''[laughing, then spots at Mai hops on her motorcycle]'' Where are you going, Mai. :'''Mai''': I told you, I worked alone! ''[droves off]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Téa, do you see what I see? :'''Téa''': You mean all those weird lights? :'''Yami Yugi''': I fear it’s the great beast. The same thing happened when it emerged the first time. ''[thinking]'' ''We’re running out of time.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Yes, Great Leviathan. Keep feeding, my child. You’re almost ready. ''[evilly chuckling]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Inside the KaibaCorp Airplane where Seto and Mokuba sitting on the seat]'' :'''Mokuba Kaiba''': You think it’s true, Seto? I mean, could Yugi really have lost to one of Alister's partners in a duel? And does that mean he’s trapped somewhere now? :'''Seto Kaiba''': It just means Yugi’s not as perfect as everyone thinks he is, and he’s not worth my time. We’ve got more important things to do. ===''Flight of Fear'' [4.22-23]=== ====Part 1==== :''[Kaiba and Alister's rematch duel begins]'' :'''Alister''': As the challenger, I'll start! And I'll summon my Science Soldier in defense mode! That's all for now. :'''Seto''': How pathetic. My move! I summon X-Head Cannon in attack mode! Now, X-Head Cannon, attack! Looks like you're defenseless. :'''Mokuba''': ''[worried; thinking]'' If Alister plays that Seal of Orichalcos, Seto's in big trouble! :'''Alister''': No big deal. Watch this! I play Cyber Soldier of Dark World. And next, I'll place one card facedown and end my turn. :'''Seto''': What a joke! My move! I summon Y-Dragon Head in attack mode! Attack his Cyber Soldier of Dark World, now! And now, X-Head Cannon, attack his Life Points directly! :'''Mokuba''': ''[thinking]'' Alister's making this too easy. :'''Seto''': I think that's just about enough punishment for now. I end my turn. ''[sets a card facedown]'' :'''Alister''': You sound pretty confident, Kaiba, but you'll change your tune. You've been so pretty occupied with your own monsters, you forgot what I have waiting in my deck. I guess I'll have to remind you. It's the card I used on you last time and it changes the entire playing field! :'''Seto''': ''[realizes]'' Hold it! Did you just draw what I think you did, Alister?! ''[turns to Mokuba]'' Mokuba, GET BACK! :'''Alister''': ''[raises the card up in his hand which is The Seal of Orichalcos]'' I activate the Seal of Orichalcos! ''[laughs as the Seal of Orichalcos grows the circle which engulfs the room and knocks Mokuba away from it's boundary]'' :'''Seto''': Mokuba! ''[beams of green light shoot out of the plane and as Alister screams, the plane's controls end up being sabotaged, including the autopilot]'' This can't be real! ''[The Seal of Orichalcos rises Kaiba and Alister up to the top of the plane]'' What's going on, Alister? :'''Alister''': ''[with his eyes glowing red]'' I just needed some air, that's all. <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> ====Part 2==== <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Man''': Master Dartz, I've just received word from our business division. :'''Dartz''': Yes, go on. :'''Man''': The Takeover was a success. Congratulations, Master. Kaiba Corp now belongs to you. ===''Paradise Found'' [4.24]=== <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': I got the images, And my grandpa's looking them over now. :'''Yami Yugi''': Good. Let's meet up as soon as possible. Oh, And one more thing… I'm sorry. :'''Arthur Hawkins''': Rebecca, You can't blame the Pharaoh for what happened to Yugi. :'''Rebecca''': ''[looks at her grandfather worried]'' Huh? :'''Arthur''': There's far too much at stake for hurting his feelings. You must be so hard on him. Right now, We're all fighting a common enemy. And this data may be our only hope. :'''Rebecca''': ''[sadly]'' You're right. :'''Arthur''': Pharaoh, The quality of the images is much worse then I thought. Unless we clear up these photos I won’t be able to read much at all. :'''Seto Kaiba''': Set a course for Kaiba Corporation headquarters immediately. :'''Tristan''': Dude, are you nuts. :'''Tea''': Dartz and his gang must’ve taken over the place by now. :'''Seto Kaiba''': The only way we can process these images fast enough is by using computer system, so we have no choice. :'''Joey''': Say what?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Kaiba has a good point, Joey. :'''Joey''': He does? :'''Yami Yugi''': First, they took Pegasus away… and now they’ve taken over Kaiba's company. Which means we've got to stop these criminals before they make their next move, and we have no time to lose! :'''Seto Kaiba''': Wow… You're more hung ho than I expected. You know, since you lost your title and all. :'''Yami Yugi''': Kaiba, this fight is about so much more than a mere championship dueling title. Don’t you see!? People are getting hurt and the world's in danger! :'''Seto Kaiba''': Hmm. Blah, blah, blah. Don’t you get tired of making the same speech every time you’re faced with a challenge? Stop saving the world and get a hobby. :'''Yami Yugi''': Rebecca, we’ll meet you two at the pier. :'''Rebecca''': 10-4 we’ll see you there. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': Master Dartz. :'''Dartz''': Take a look, Rafael. Your friend wasn't careful. :'''Rafael''': ''[spots at Alister in stone]'' Alister. :'''Dartz''': Don't sound so displeased. He's better off where he is now. Alister's energy, along with our other prisoners', will fuel the great beast. The Pharaoh and his friends will be arriving shortly. I trust you'll give them a warm welcome, Hmm. :'''Rafael''': He won't escaped me this time. <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Seto Kaiba''': ''[to Roland and Fuguta sent a soulless Alister and soulless Rex Raptor to the Hospital]'' Take those two to the medical center. I'm feeling generous. :'''Roland and Fuguta''': Right. :''[The KaibaCorp helicopter takes off to take Alister and Rex to the Hospital.]'' :'''Mokuba Kaiba''': Good luck, guys. :'''Joey Wheeler''': Stay safe. :'''Yami Yugi''': Professor, I'm glad you're alright. :'''Joey''': Me too. Hey, hows was the road trip, guys? :'''Duke''': Could a been better. We hit a pretty big snag on the way. :'''Joey''': Flat tire? :'''Duke''': We ran into Mai and one of those freaks. The one that jumped in and ended your duel. :'''Joey''': That jerk. :'''Duke''': He's really got it in for you, man. and I'm afraid Mai's still on their side too. :'''Joey''': Grr. Just wait until ''I'' find him! :'''Rebecca''': Hey, any word yet on Yugi? We have to find him. If you don't get him back, I'll never forgive you. Plus we need him to fight these guys! :'''Yami Yugi''': I miss Yugi, too. and I promise I will rescue him. You have word. But I need to pay a little visit to KaibaCorp first. :'''Rebecca''': Let me come with you! You'll need some tech support. :'''Seto Kaiba''': Ha! This Isn't some kind of field trip, kid. But I guess you can tag along if you want. :'''Rebecca''': I'm no kid! :'''Seto Kaiba''': Whatever you say, kid. I don't know about you geeks. But I have a company to save. So whoever's coming with me, let's move. :'''Mokuba Kaiba''': OK. :'''Tea''': Good luck and be careful. :'''Yami Yugi''': Right. :'''Tristan''': Alright, Tea. We better tell the police what's going on. The way this is heading we're gonna need all the help we can get. :'''Tea''': Yeah, good point. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Policeman 1''': Why don't you start over and this time try telling the truth? :'''Tea''': Don't you understand? That is the truth. There's a motorcycle gang going around stealing people's souls with a magic card. :'''Policeman 1''': Ha! You kids watched too many cartoons. :'''Tristan''': We're serious. These guys are trying to take over the whole world. :'''Policeman 2''': Really... Tell me something young man... this so called "gang"... do they wear a symbol like this! <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Here I come you creeps! :'''Rebecca''': Hey! Whoa! :'''Duke''': Get back here, Joey! Come on, man, we need a plan first! <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': This is Valon, Go ahead. :'''Rafael''': ''[on radio]'' The Pharaoh's friends are heading your way. :'''Valon''': Good, Then is time for me to show Joey Wheeler who's boss. :'''Rafael''': Valon, wait! :''[Valon turns off the radio and hops on the motorcycle droves off on the way back to the city]'' :'''Valon''': ''I gotta prove me-self to Mai.'' :''[Tristan and Tea saw Joey was running in the streets in the middle of the night]'' :'''Tristan''': Look, Here comes Joey! :'''Tea''': And there he goes. :'''Tristan''': Hey! Come back! You're going the wrong way! :'''Tea''': He's heading straight for the zombie patrol. :'''Tristan''': Go warn the others, Tea! I gotta stop him! ''[rans off]'' :'''Tea''': Tristan! :'''Joey''': ''I'm coming for you, Dartz and I'm not leaving without Yugi and Mai!'' :''[To Be Continued...]'' ===''Fighting for a Friend'' [4.25-29]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Tristan Taylor''': Joey, Come back! I'm wearing the wrong shoes for this! Joey, stop! :'''Joey Wheeler''': ''[stops and spots at the Orichalcos soldier]'' What's that?! :'''Tristan''': Uh, Joey. :'''Joey''': Yeah? :'''Tristan''': Maybe we should start running again. :'''Joey and Tristan''': ''[screaming]'' :'''Tristan''': Hey, stop! :'''Young guy''': You ever here looking both ways?! ''[droves off]'' :'''Tristan''': Hey, Hold on! :'''Joey''': You're going the wrong way! :'''Tristan''': Turn back! :'''Young guy''': ''[spots at the Orichalcos soldier]'' Whoa! Mommy! ''[falls off the motorcycle]'' It's just a dream... It's just a dream. ''[whimping and running away]'' :'''Joey''': See ya! ''[he and Tristan runs off as the Orichalcos soldier chases them]'' We've never out run this thing! :'''Tristan''': Joey! :''[Joey punches the Orichalcos soldier but then it shatters]'' :'''Tristan''': You beat him. :'''Joey''': ''[spots at Valon]'' Actually, I think he did. Hold on! I know you! [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|You're the ''one'' that took Mai!]] :'''Valon''': Right you are, mate! ''[droves turns around away]'' :'''Joey''': Hey! Come back! ''[runs after Valon]'' :'''Tristan''': Joey, Not again! Come back! :'''Joey''': ''[notices a motorcycle]'' This will do the trick. ''[puts the helmet on]'' Now... ''[picks up the motorcycle and hops on]'' Time to chase him down and save Mai! ''[droves off to chase Valon.]'' :'''Tristan''': Are you nuts?! ''[confused]'' I guess so. He's riding right into a trap. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': ''[chucking]'' Keep fighting, my soldiers. We must continue to collect the souls of man and beast, Until we have amassed enough power to rebuild Atlantis. ''[evil laughing]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Meanwhile Tristan was running a middle of the streets looking for Joey.]'' :'''Tristan''': Joey! Where are you?! ''[Mai’s motorcycle light appears towards him]'' Is that you Joey? :'''Mai Valentine''': ''[takes her bike helmet off]'' Not quite but I am looking for him. :'''Tristan''': Look, Mai… :'''Mai''': Save it, Dweeb! ''I'' know ''you’re'' his babysitter so where is ''he?!'' :'''Tristan''': How should ''I know?!'' One of ''your'' little pals forced him into a game of ''cat and mouse'' and now ''he's'' gone! :'''Mai''': ''[gasps]'' It’s Valon! :'''Tristan''': This is all your fault, Mai! ''[Mai puts her helmet on]'' ''You’re'' the one who got Joey into this mess in the first place! :'''Mai''': Out of my way! ''[drove off]'' :'''Tristan''': Hey! '''Get back here!''' The last thing ''he'' needs right now is '''''you!''''' ''[Mai ignores him and he growls]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': Here we are, old chum. Glad you could make it. Now let's get down to business, shall we? :'''Joey Wheeler''': Look, pal I want Mai back. :'''Valon''': Then why chase me? She happens to have a mind of her own, you know. :'''Joey Wheeler''': ''She'' did. At least... ''She'' did before ''you'' guys brainwashed ''her!'' :'''Valon''': You don't get it, mate. No one was brainwashed! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Huh? :'''Valon''': Mai chose to join ''our'' side with her own free will. And do you want to know why? She was sick of taking a back seat while you got all the fame! Then I stepped in and changed all that. :'''Joey Wheeler''': You messed with her head, that's what you did! She was the one of my best friends! But the last time I saw her she was saying things that Mai never would have said. :''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#My_Freaky_Valentine|he and Mai's duel she chose to join Dartz's team]] flashback ends.]'' :'''Valon''': Wake up, Wheeler! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Who do you think you are!? and what do you what with me? You better start Explain yourself, now!? :'''Valon''': Okay, look, the name's Valon, I led you here to get rid of you for good, 'cause Mai ''can't'' be happy with you around! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Huh? and what does that mean? :'''Valon''': You're a constant reminder of what here life used to be, and Mai whats to forget all that! But as long as you still exist in this world, she be never be able to forget! So, I'm here to erase you for good! ''[thinking]'' ''Plus, I know that deep down, Mai still loves you. and I can't have that!'' So, what do you say, Wheeler? Do we have ourselves a duel or not? Not that I'm giving you much of a choice! ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' :'''Joey Wheeler''': You know what, Valon, I never back down from a challenge especially when I'm fighting for a friend! Now let's duel! ''[their life points to 4000, Joey and Valon's duel begins]'' You're going down, My move. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': ''[panting]'' All right. I'm officially lost. ''[panting]'' Phew. I guess I can pretty much forget about finding Joey now. ''[but the Orichalcos soldier behind him]'' Huh? ''[Orichalcos soldier roaring]'' AHHH! YOU AGAIN?! ''[gulp]'' Hi, remember me? :'''Duke''': Huh? ''[stop the car]'' Tristan! :'''Mokuba''': What's going on? :'''Tea''': Maybe we should get someone else behind the wheel. :'''Duke''': Tristan needs our help, Look! :'''Tea''': ''[looks at Tristan with Orichalcos soldier]'' Oh no! :'''Tristan''': Come on! I’m taking whatever you got! :'''Yami Yugi''': Go, Celtic Guardian! :''[Celtic Guardian attacks Orichalcos soldier]'' :'''Tristan''': Huh? :'''Yami Yugi/Téa/Rebecca''': Tristan! :'''Duke''': Hey! Are you alright?! :'''Tristan''': Huh? ''[sees The Pharaoh, Téa, Duke and Rebecca running towards him]'' Thanks, Pharaoh. You came in the nick of time. Of course, I could have taken him myself. :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm afraid the only thing that would have been taken is your soul had we arrived any later. :'''Tristan''': I know, so those things are working for Dartz. :'''Téa''': Hey, Where's Joey? I thought you guys were together? :'''Tristan''': We were, Until he decided to hop on some guy's motorcycle and take off after one of Dartz's little flunkies. :'''Duke''': ''[shocked]'' You're kidding! :'''Rebecca''': Oh no! Was it Valon? :'''Tristan''': Who? :'''Duke''': It's Valon. He's the young guy that Rebecca and I dueled. :'''Téa''': Is that a bad thing? :'''Rebecca''': Not only does [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Deck of Armor|Valon have a thing against Joey]], but he's got a deck full of monsters I've never seen before. :'''Yami Yugi''': Let's go. We have to find Joey before it's too late. :'''Seto Kaiba''': That chump's gonna have to wait 'cause we've got bigger problems. :'''Yami Yugi''': What do you mean? :'''Seto Kaiba''': Look around you! ====Part 2==== :'''Joey Wheeler''': No, Not that! :'''Valon''': Well, looks like you're starting to catch on, mate. I play the Seal of Orichalcos! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': We’re just getting started. By the end of this duel, you’ll be begging for mercy. Then your old buddy Mai will see what a pathetic chump you really are, and hopefully she’ll realize why she walked out on you in the first place so she can move on already! :'''Joey''': Watch it, Valon! :'''Valon''': Look, mate… All I’m watching out for is myself! And right now, the best thing for me is to get rid of you! 'Cause as long as you’re around, Mai's gonna be obsessed with dueling you. :'''Joey''': Hmm? :'''Valon''': That’s right. Since your last duel, all she talks about is a rematch. But I can’t let Mai put herself in that kind of danger again… So I got to you first. You see Wheeler, I’m not such a bad guy. We both what the same thing. We want Mai to be happy. :'''Joey''': Come on, Valon… Get real. Ha. If you really wanted Mai to be happy… You wouldn’t have brainwashed her in the first place! :'''Valon''': I told you, ''She'' chose to join us! :'''Joey''': No way! I know Mai, and ''she'' never would have walked out on us like that. Not unless someone messed with her head! And if you asked me, This Dartz guy is messing with all of your ''heads!'' :'''Valon''': Hmm? :'''Joey''': That orichalcos card ''he'' gave you has evil magic in it, and it makes everyone who holds it go nuts! :'''Valon''': Are you done? If you are, then allow me to tell you the truth. That orichalcos card did more for Mai than you ever could. She was weak, and it made her strong! She was lost, and it showed her the way! :''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|Dartz joins Mai to part of Doma organization]], Dartz welcoming Mai.]'' :'''Dartz''': Welcome to our family, Miss Valentine. Now go, and remember the Orichcalos is always with you. :''[Mai went to see Valon outside]'' :'''Valon''': So, how's it feel? You've got what you always wanted. :'''Mai''': Look, I appreciate you taking me here... ''[holds up "The Seal of Orichalcos" card]'' But don't think this means I owe you anything. :'''Valon''': What? :'''Mai''': I do things my way. And I have no interest in being part of some team, Valon. I already made that mistake once and you know where it got me?Absolutely Nowhere. So, no, thanks. :'''Valon''': ''[chuckles]'' I know what you mean. You and I are exactly the same, Valentine. :'''Mai''': Hmm? :'''Valon''': We're both loners. But you have to admit... Sometimes it's not all that fun. :''[Then [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#The_Creator_Returns|After she tooked Pegasus' soul]], she has a long face]''. :'''Valon''': Why the long face, Mai? You just accomplished your first mission with flying colors. :'''Mai''': Yeah, I know, Valon. But defeating Maximilion Pegasus meant nothing to me. :'''Valon''': Huh? :'''Mai''': There's only one person out there I need to take apart, and that chump is Joey Wheeler. :''[flashback ends]'' :'''Valon''': Mai can’t stand the sight of you. And neither can I, mate. So I plan to take you down for her. Once you’re out of the picture, she can move on to bigger and much better things. Like teaming up with me and leaving behind her past once and for all! :'''Joey''': No way, Valon. Mai would never want to get rid of me after what we’ve been through. We’re friends! ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 1)#Keith's Machination|Joey and Mai inside the castle at Duelist Kingdom]]. flashback ends]'' Mai has nothing in common with you. So she may be a little rough around the edges and she can have an attitude every once in a while, but she’d never join up with a bunch of low-lives who have some crazy plan to take over the world. :'''Valon''': We’ll just see. :'''Joey''': Whatever you guys did to her… I’m gonna undo as soon if I’m gonna win this… so why do we moved on! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': I know Valon's around here somewhere and I have to stop this duel now. I better be too late 'cause I’m gonna make Wheeler pay for what he did to me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': Let's try this again. ''[typing the laptop]'' Come on... ''[groans]'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': Hey! Any luck in there, Rebecca? :'''Tea Gardner''': You've asked five times. She's working as fast as she can. :'''Duke Devlin''': Aren't ''you'' the one who told us to have faith? :'''Tristan Taylor''': Why don't ''you'' get off my back, Duke! Joey's in trouble, and it we don't move fast things could get even worse! :'''Tea Gardner''': Take it easy, Tristan. :'''Tristan Taylor''': I can't, Tea! Don't you guys see that this whole thing is my ''fault''!? :'''Yami Yugi''': No, Tristan. :'''Tristan Taylor''': When Joey and I got [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#On_the_Wrong_Track|separated from you guys]], ''he'' told me about his plan, and I should have talked to him out of it then. :''[Flashes back to Joey and Tristan carry Rex Raptor on the railway tracks to find Tea and the Pharaoh, but Joey long face.]'' :'''Joey Wheeler''': I just figured it all out. :'''Tristan Taylor''': Figured what out? What are you talking about, Joey? :'''Joey Wheeler''': Why [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|Mai teamed up with those low-lives]]. It's 'cause I was a terrible friend. I let her down. :'''Tristan Taylor''': That's crazy. :'''Joey Wheeler''': But it's true. If Dartz maybe the one that brainwashed her. But I'm the one that drove her away in the first place. Now I gotta go and set things straight by finding these guys and breaking that spell! :'''Tristan Taylor''': But how? ''[confused]'' Aw, man. :''[cuts back to the present]'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': What was I thinking?! How could I let him do this?! :'''Tea Gardner''': Joey's got a mind of his own, Tristan. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' ''Let's just hope he's using with his legendary dragon the Claw of Hermos.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': My move! ''[draws the card]'' Look out! Now we’re taking. Let’s see stand up to this guy! ''[holds up the "Claw of Hermos" card]'' :''[To Be Continued…]'': ====Part 3==== :'''Tristan''': I can't wait around anymore! ''[grunting]'' Joey needs our help and ''he'' needs it now! :'''Téa''': Tristan, you must chill. :'''Duke''': Téa's right, Tristan. Without Kaiba's tracking system we have no hope of finding him. :'''Tristan''': Am I the only one here who understands what's going on? Joey may be losing his soul as we speak. Let's go! :'''Téa''': I didn't think of it like that. Maybe we should go. :'''Yami Yugi''': Not yet. We have to have faith that Rebecca can find him. Until then I know Joey can take care of himself. He's been in tough situations before. :'''Téa''': Not this tough. :'''Rebecca''': Hey, I did it! I finally found Joey. If this read out's right, Joey's not far, guys. :'''Yami Yugi''': All right, I'll takes this and track him down. You move the trailer to a safer place. :'''Tea''': Not so fast Pharaoh. ''[Pharaoh stops and looks at Tea and Tristan]'' You're not going alone. :'''Tristan''': That's right. We're all this together. :'''Yami Yugi''': I guess You've made up your minds. ''[smile]'' Thank you. Now let's go. :'''Rebecca''': Ahem. :'''Yami Yugi''': Rebecca, You stay here. Duke, can you keep an eye on them until we get back. :'''Duke''': You got it. :'''Rebecca''': No, I want to go, too. Come on, Grandpa. :'''Arthur''': Uh-uh We've got our own work to do. We need your talents back here. :''[Rebecca sighs]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Rebecca, as soon as Joey safe, we'll find Yugi. :'''Rebecca''': Promise me he's all right. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi's going to be just fine. I promise. Please, trust me. :'''Duke''': Come on, man, you don't have a second to lose, so go kick some butt and take names. :'''Yami Yugi''': Well, that's one way to put it. :'''Tristan''': Let's chit-chat later, OK. :'''Rebecca''': Good luck with everything. :'''Yami Yugi''': You, too. :'''Arthur''': If you need us, just call. :'''Yami Yugi''': Right. :''[They ran off together to find Joey]'' :'''Arthur''': Don't worry, Rebecca. ''[Rebecca looks at her grandfather]'' Yugi will be back here safe and sound in no time at all. :'''Rebecca''': But how do you know? :'''Arthur''': Because I believe in the Pharaoh, and you should too. :'''Rebecca''': Fine. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': ''[thinking]'' You're mine, Wheeler. <hr width="50%"/> :''[When Mai showed up and found Valon in the duel with Joey]'' :'''Valon''': Hey, Mai! You're just in time to catch the end of the greatest duel ever played. :'''Mai''': ''[takes off her helmet]'' You and I had a deal, remember!? Joey Wheeler's mine! ''[Orichalcos blocks her]'' Ah! :'''Joey''': Mai, no! :'''Mai''': Look, you've done enough, so why don't you take a hike and let me finish this!? :'''Valon''': Sorry, no can do. :'''Mai''': Huh? :'''Valon''': I'm having way too much fun out here to stop now. Plus this duel is no place for you. :'''Mai''': Why's that? :'''Valon''': There's too much at stake. I won't let you risk losing everything you have. That's why I challenged Joey Wheeler in the first place to protect you. I wanted to get rid of him so you'd be able to move on with your life, and that's exactly what I'm gonna do. :'''Joey''': Guess what, Mai. I'm fighting for same reason. :'''Valon''': Then let's get on with it! Shall we? I can't wait to see what you play next. :'''Joey''': You're gonna have to wait, Valon, 'cause I play one card face down and end my turn. :'''Valon''': Big mistake, pal. ====Part 4==== :''[Joey and Valon were engaged in an armored standoff in the middle of the Oricalchos field]'' :'''Joey''': It's time to activate Big Bang Dragon Blow's special effect! ''[Joey tributes Red-Eyes Black Dragon to make Big Bang Dragon Blow supercharged]'' By sacrificing my Red-Eyes, I made my armored fist even more powerful! Now it's able to destroy all your monsters and subtract their strength from your Life Points! ''[Big Bang Dragon Blow builds up pressure against Valon and Joey sends Valon flying away from the center and destroying his Armor monsters]'' :'''Valon''': ''[skids to a halt]'' You did it. You won. ''[panting and making his Life Points drop to 0]'' Congratulations. Goodbye. :'''Mai''': ''[gasps]'' It's my fault. :'''Valon''': Don't be silly, Mai. I caused my own downfall. I thought if I won I could make you forget about Joey Wheeler. But now I understand why he meant so much to you. The guy's got heart. :'''Mai''': Valon, wait. :'''Valon''': Hey Joey, It's up to you now, Saved Mai. :'''Mai''': Valon! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Great Leviathan... I sense the arrival of powerful soul. Let's see who, shall we? ''[spots at Valon in stone]'' Well... look what the orichalcos dragged in. My former employee. Now it's Miss Valentine's turn to send me a soul... or to give up her own. ''[evily laughter]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mai hold Valon's lifeless body, her eyes full of tears]'' :'''Mai''': Valon. Come back... Valon. :'''Joey''': It's too late. The Orichalcos has him now. ''[Mai remembers to flashbacks to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Deck of Armor|what Valon said]] flashback ends]'' Hey, Mai... We'll get him back. :'''Mai''': How could he do this? Valon's the one who told me you have to duel for yourself. Then he turns around and fights you to protect me? How pathetic. Hmm. He deserved this. :'''Joey''': What? Look, Mai, Valon realized what ''he'' told ''you'' was wrong. ''He'' found out what dueling is really about determination and heart. :'''Mai''': Hmm. :'''Joey''': He fought like a true duelist today. :'''Mai''': I thought you wanted to destroy him. :'''Joey''': Hold on, Mai, Valon may have annoyed me... but no one deserves to have their soul taken away and then held captive by some power-hungry psychopath! I don't care who they are! :'''Mai''': Ha. :'''Joey''': You know what, Mai... ''I'' realize something now. As long as that Orichalcos thing has control over your mind, I'll never be able to talk any sense into you! As a matter of fact, the only way I can save you at this point is to duel you! So, what do you say!? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': I see. So you beat this loser and now it's gone to your head? :'''Joey''': It isn't like that, Mai. :'''Mai''': Why else would you be dumb enough to challenge me a duel? You should have learned your lesson from our last match. :'''Joey''': The only way I can get through to you… is by dueling you! :'''Mai''': If you say so. ''[activates her chaos duel disk]'' :'''Mai and Joey''': Let's duel! ''[their life points to 4000]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': Finally, you're giving me a ''real'' challenge… but you're gonna have to do better than that! 'Cause before my Aero Nail goes to the graveyard, it's transferring its power to my other Harpie! :'''Joey''': Fine! I place one card facedown! Give me your best shot! :'''Mai''': You're pretty confident for someone who's about to lose! Now, stand back! My move! I drew it. :'''Joey''': Oh, no! :'''Mai''': Yup! The Seal of Orichalcos! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': We're both locked in the Seal and only ''one'' of us will escape! No one can come to your rescue now. It's just you, me, and the most powerful magic card that's ever been created! :'''Joey''': I know. I was expecting this. ====Part 5==== :'''Téa''': We gotta find him! :'''Tristan''': Joey! Where are you, man?! :'''Téa''': Hey are you down there?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Joey! Answer us?! :'''Téa''': Hello?! :'''Tristan''': I could swear that Orichalcos thing activated right here. :'''Téa''': Me, too. So why isn't it here now? Unless we're too late! :'''Tristan''': Don't say that, Téa! :'''Yami Yugi''': Hang in there, Joey! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Congratulations. You win. :''[Collapses from exhaustion]'' :'''Mai''': Joey, no! You're wrong. I never attacked so you didn't lose the duel. :'''Joey''': But, I'm too exhausted... to finish. :'''Mai''': I won't let the Orichalcos take you away, Joey. :'''Joey''': It's too late for that. I already lost the duel, so there's no turnin' back. I'm just glad that if one of us had to lose our soul, it didn't have to be you, Mai. :'''Mai''': Don't say that. :'''Joey''': Hey, Mai, that was one of the greatest duels I ever fought. Thank you. :''[His spirit is taken by the Seal, leaving Mai horrified]'' :'''Mai''': Joey! NO! :''[The fragment of the Orchicalcos on her [[w: choker |choker]] shatters]'' :'''Dartz''': She's been set free! ''[spots at Joey Wheeler in stone]'' Ah! But what's this? It seems miss Valentine has served her purpose. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mai hold Joey's lifeless body, her eyes full of tears]'' :'''Mai''': Joey, wait! SNAP OUT OF IT! This is all my fault! I was angry and confused, and I blamed all my loneliness on you! So I tried to get rid of you. How could I be so selfish? You're the only one who ever cared about me. ''[sobbing]'' You're the closest friend I ever had, and how did I repay you? By leaving you for a madman who promised me power. ''[grabs the Claw of Hermos card]'' I'll make him regret the day he ever met Mai Valentine! ''[she hops the motorcycle droves off back to Paradius leaving Joey behind next to Valon.]'' ''The only way to fix this is to meet Dartz face to face.'' :''[Mai arriving back to Paradius headquarters and looks up]'' :'''Mai''': Here goes nothing. :''[?]'' :'''Mai''': Hey Dartz! Is that you? :'''Rafael''': Guess again, Mai. :'''Mai''': Rafael! What do you want!? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Pharaoh, Tristan and Tea arrives and they found a soulless Joey.]'' :'''Tristan''': ''[shocked]'' No way! :'''Tea''': What happened? :'''Yami Yugi''': He lost the duel. :'''Tea''': Wait, Does that mean? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes his soul belongs to Dartz now. ===''Grappling with a Guardian'' [4.30-32]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Téa''': Joey, please say something? :'''Yami Yugi''': I don't think he can hear us. :'''Téa''': Then it's true. The Orichalcos took his soul. :'''Tristan''': When I get my hands on the person who did this to Joey, they're gonna wish they were never born! Wake up, man. :'''Téa''': Who did do this? ''[she looks at the soulless Valon]'' 'Cause by the looks of Valon, I have to say it wasn't him. So Tristan what's going on here? :'''Tristan''': Don't you see Tea? Joey must have defeated Valon and then Mai showed up. ''She'' did this to him. I'm sure of it! :'''Téa''': How could she? :'''Tristan''': Easily. She couldn't wait to get rid of Joey. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's true, Tristan, However, There's only one person we can really blame for all of this, and I think you know who I mean. He hides safely in his fortress while others do his dirty work. Well, not anymore. ''[rans off]'' :'''Téa''': Pharaoh, Wait! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' This all ends now, Dartz. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': ''[voice-over, evilly laughing]'' We've been expecting you, Pharaoh. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Pharaoh looks at soulless Mai in the elevator]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[gasps]'' Mai? Mai, say something. She must have been in a duel, and it appears she lost both the duel and her soul belongs to Dartz now. I must put an end to this. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': Well, It's about time you showed up for our rematch. :'''Yami Yugi''': This doesn't concern you, Rafael. I'm here to see Dartz. Is your master so much of a coward that he sent you to do his battles for him? :'''Rafael''': Not quite. You owe me something. But first. ''[holds a card and he catches the card to the Pharaoh]'' Why don't you take this? :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[spots the Claw of Hermos card]'' It's the Claw of Hermos. Joey's card. So you're the one who defeated Joey, aren't you? :'''Rafael''': Actually, Mai beat Joey, then ''I'' defeated her. :'''Yami Yugi''': But why? Wasn't Mai on ''your'' side? :'''Rafael''': I never trusted her, and turns out I was right all along. ''[Flashback to his and Mai's duel inside Paradius; voice-over]'' After she took [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fighting for a Friend|Joey's soul]], ''she'' turned on us. :'''Mai''': I've had it with your ridiculous world domination mumbo jumbo and I want out! It's time for Dartz to answer for what ''he'' made ''me'' do to Joey. Let's see how ''he'' likes it when the orichalcos captures ''him!'' :'''Rafael''': You sure you don't wanna take that back? Dartz isn't exactly known for his sense of humor. :'''Mai''': So? :'''Rafael''': Then you leave me no ''choice.'' It's my duty to protect him, so goodbye to your soul. ''[activates his chaos duel disk and Mai activates her chaos duel disk, voice-over]'' Biggest mistake she ever made. :''[Rafael defeats Mai and she screaming as the orichalcos claims her soul away.]'' :'''Mai''': Joey! I'm sorry, I tried my best. ''[collapses and drops the Claw of Hermos card.]'' :'''Rafael''': ''[voice-over]'' Unfortunately, her best wasn't good enough. :''[the flashback ends]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': This madness has to stop. Just think of how many innocent lives have been destroyed. You may be next. :'''Rafael''': Do you think I really care? I made a commitment to help Master Dartz save the planet from crumbling at the hands of people like you, and if keeping my promise means giving up my own soul, well, then so be it, 'cause even if I'm captured, I'll be doing my part by giving the Great Leviathan the strength it needs to restore peace to the world once again. :'''Yami Yugi''': Wake up, Rafael! Can't you see that your so-called Master Dartz is just using you to satisfy his own selfish needs? If you really what to save the world, then stop fighting me and join my side. :'''Rafael''': As soon as the great beast is revived, I'm afraid your side will no longer exist, Pharaoh, and all it needs to get started is one more strong soul. :'''Yami Yugi''': Oh no. It's true. :'''Rafael''': You better believe it. as we speak, the Great Leviathan lurks in the shadows all over the earth. And as soon as I defeat you, your life energy will be offered to the beast, giving it the strength it needs to fully cross over into our world. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Tristan and Tea running the streets Tristan carried Joey]'' :'''Tristan''': Why did the Pharaoh take off liked that? :'''Téa''': He must've gone after Dartz for what happened to Yugi. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': As we speak, the most devastating creature that ever lived is waiting to rise again. All it needs now is your soul, and the Sacred Seal of Orichalcos will take care of that once I take you down. Of course, ''I'' already defeated you once, but somehow you were able to cheat me by switching places with someone else. ''[Flashes back to [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Fate_of_the_Pharaoh|their last duel as the Seal took Yugi]].]'' Don't even think about trying to pull a stunt like that gain, Pharaoh. I don't appreciate being lied to, and besides, there's no one for you to hide behind this time, 'cause now it's just you and me. The winner leaves a free man. The loser becomes a prisoner to the beast! :'''Yami Yugi''': You're on! If that's what it takes to set my friends free, then let's duel! And once you're out of my way, I can go straight for Dartz! It's just a shame that a duelist with your talents has to throw it all away by following a madman. :'''Rafael''': Look, Master Dartz opened me up the truth and made me who I am today. You're just jealous because you don't have one of these, right? ''[holds up the Seal of Orichalcos card]'' Well, not anymore, anyway. :'''Yami Yugi''': You can't tempt ''me'' with that again, Rafael. :'''Rafael''': I wasn't planning on it, but you can have one last look at it while you shuffle my deck… for old time's sake. :'''Yami Yugi''': I know what you're trying to do, and it won't work. I won't give in to my dark side! :'''Rafael''': We'll see about that. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' I must stay true to my heart, no matter what he tries to do. :''[The two shuffle their decks]'' :'''Rafael''': May the best man win...and when I do, you'll be gone forever. I'm gonna enjoy this. :'''Pharaoh and Rafael''': Time to Duel! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' I'm surprised he didn't play the Seal of Orichalcos right away. Perhaps he's toying with me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': Now I play Butterfly Dagger. This weapon gives my Backup Gardna 300 extra attack points. It also allows me to summon my Guardian Elma. :'''Yami Yugi''': I've never seen that Guardian monster. :'''Rafael''': There are plenty of monsters in my deck you've never seen, and this one lets me bring my Guardian Shield back from the graveyard. And I'll give it to Guardian Elma. Plus, my Backup Gardna's special ability transfers my Butterfly Dagger to Guardian Elma. Now, Guardian Elma… attack his Queen's Knight! Guardian Grarl, it's your turn now! Attack his King's Knight with Gravity Axe! What now, Pharaoh? What puny knight stands between me and your Life Points? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' He gave up his own strength to save his monster! ''[speaking]'' I'll place two cards face down and end my turn. ''[thinking]'' I've never come across a duelist like him before. He refuses to let any of his monsters go to the card graveyard. He protects them at all costs! Why would a duelist like this hold a card like the Seal of Orichalcos? ''[speaking]'' Rafael, don't you understand what's going on here? As long as you're loyal to Dartz, you'll never be true to yourself. You have too much respect for your cards to use them for such an evil purpose. But Dartz has brainwashed you into believing you're someone else! :'''Rafael''': The only thing Master Dartz did was open my eyes to the truth. :'''Yami Yugi''': You're ''wrong!'' :'''Rafael''': This world is an evil place, and ''you're'' part of the problem. So I'm here to fix that. And thanks to my master, I have just the tool to do it. Now, I play the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Yami Yugi''': NO, RAFAEL! PLEASE, DON'T! :'''Rafael''': Sorry, Pharaoh, it's too late for that now. Your fate is sealed! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Téa''': Hey look guys. It's Mai. :'''Mokuba''': ''[looks at soulless Mai]'' Oh, man. Don't tell me you guys she lost her soul too. :'''Tristan''': I don't mean to sound insensitive, but who's carrying her? :'''Yami Yugi''': You're making a mistake! RAFAEL! NO! ====Part 2==== :'''Rafael''': This time the Seal belongs to me! :'''Yami Yugi''': What were you thinking, Rafael? Now one of us is going to lose his soul. :'''Rafael''': That's the whole point, Pharaoh. The Great Leviathan needs power, and once I take you down and capture your soul, that legendary creature will have the strength it needs to awaken. :'''Yami Yugi''': We'll see. :'''Tristan''': That's the same guy who beat Yugi last time! :'''Seto Kaiba''': ''[shocked]'' What?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': It's time to bring out my ultimate monster, but first I'll play this card, Celestial Sword - Eatos! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' The Sword of Eatos? This can only mean one thing: he's about to summon Guardian Eatos! :'''Rafael''': Now I'll draw two cards. The time has come to play the card that beat you last time. It's my Guardian Eatos! :'''Yami Yugi''': I have to act quickly! With 500 Life Points left, I don't have much time! ''[Guardian Eatos soon becomes infected by the darkness of the Orichalcos]'' Look what you've done to your Guardian! It's been consumed by darkness! :'''Rafael''': Exactly, and it's more powerful than ever now. Nothing can stop it. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Guardian Eatos tries to destroy Yugi's Dark Magician with her Celestial Sword and it breaks, cutting her attack points back to 3000]'' :'''Rafael''': ''[shocked]'' Say what?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Allow me to clear things up for you. A few moments ago, I sent three monsters to my graveyard, one of which saved me. That card was this, my Electromagnetic Turtle! When this monster was destroyed, it created an electromagnetic barrier, shielding my magician from your attack. :'''Rafael''': No way. He had that planned all along! :'''Tristan''': In your face, meathead! :'''Rafael''': ''[thinking]'' The Pharaoh's gonna pay for mocking the power of my Guardian Eatos. ''[speaking]'' I END MY TURN! :'''Yami Yugi''': Perhaps you should've thought twice before you poisoned your own monsters with the dark powers of the Orichalcos. Take it from someone with experience. Betraying your monsters only backfires in the end. :'''Rafael''': You played the Seal of Orichalcos once and all of a sudden you're an expert of the subject? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': You can't win a duel with defense, Pharaoh. All you're doing is stalling for time. Well, I'm afraid your time's just run out. Eatos, destroy his most valuable monster, the Dark Magician! :'''Tristan''': Oh, no! :'''Téa''': Pharaoh! :'''Mokuba''': Do something! :'''Yami Yugi''': Magical Hats, activate! Hide my monsters! :'''Rafael''': What's going on?! :'''Tristan''': Awesome! Magical Hats shuffled Yugi's monsters so Blondie blasted the wrong one. :'''Mokuba''': That's true, but he gets to attack again, so Yugi's magician's still in danger! :'''Yami Yugi''': All right, one of these three remaining hats is concealing my monster, so go ahead! Hit me with your best shot! :'''Rafael''': ''[thinking]'' Three hats and one monster. I know what I have to do. I'll use Elma to improve my odds, then I'll send Grarl to finish things off. ''[speaking]'' Go, Elma! Find his Dark Magician! ''[Guardian Elma strikes her butterfly dagger at the second hat]'' Now I have a 50-50 shot. Guardian Grarl, attack! :''[Guardian Grarl punches the third hat with his fist, Dark Magician appears from the last hat]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Wrong hat! :'''Rafael''': Oh, no! :'''Yami Yugi''': What a shame. Looks like you used up all of your chances. :'''Rafael''': ''[thinking]'' How could I have messed that up?! I was about to win the duel and capture the Pharaoh! ''[speaking]'' My turn's not over yet! I activate my Rod of Silence! This lets me play another Guardian monster, my all-powerful Guardian Kay'est! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After the Pharaoh destroys Guardian Eatos with his Amulet Dragon, Guardian Dreadscythe appears on the field]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[horrified shock]'' What's that?! :'''Téa''': ''[terrified]'' I've got one word: nasty! :'''Tristan''': Here's four: I'm gonna be sick. :'''Yami Yugi''': For the last time, what is that thing?! :'''Rafael''': I told you-- when Eatos goes to the graveyard, '''''this''''' monster is summoned to the field in its place. So say hello to my Guardian Dreadsycthe! :'''Yami Yugi''': Hello and goodbye. It's no match for my dragon! :'''Rafael''': It will be. First, I'll boost its strength with my Reaper Scythe magic card. Now, for the best part, thanks to its new weapon, my Guardian of darkness gains 500 attack points for every monster in my graveyard. :'''Yami Yugi''': But why? I thought you despised having monsters in your graveyard! :'''Rafael''': But I despise ''you'' even more, so what's a few monsters in the grave if it means destroying you forever? And with only 500 Life Points left, you won't last long. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': I know first-hand what the Oricalchos does to a person's heart and I can help you. Think, when Earls was destroyed, you released your anger on your other monsters. You left the Oricalchos feed on your rage like I did. :'''Rafael''': So? What's your point? :'''Yami Yugi''': That this isn't who you really are. The darkness within you has taken control, and now you must face that darkness head on. It's the only way for you to save yourself. :'''Rafael''': ''You'' need to be saved. :'''Yami Yugi''': If you don't believe my words, then maybe this will convince you! :'''Rafael''': What are you holding? :'''Yami Yugi''': A card that forces you to take a closer look at yourself-- Underworld Circle! :'''Rafael''': What on earth does that do? :'''Yami Yugi''': BEHOLD! It's time to take some responsibility for what you've done, Rafael! Underworld Circle, activate! ====Part 3==== :'''Yami Yugi''': First, I'll use the magic of Underworld Circle to bring my Big Shield Gardna back from the graveyard! Then, I'll activate my Pot of Greed! This let me draw two cards. ''[thinking]'' Excellent. That's just the card I've been waiting for! ''[speaking]'' Time to face what you did… when you betrayed your heart! For now, I activate the magic card, Spider Web, which let me use a card from your graveyard! :'''Rafael''': What's the point of all this? :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm using my Spider Web to bring back your Monster Reborn card. And I'm planning on using it to save you by setting you free from the darkness! :'''Rafael''': Yeah, whatever. :'''Yami Yugi''': I use Monster Reborn to revive a creature that once saved your life and that you in turn, deserted! ''[resurects Guardian Eatos]'' :'''Rafael''': Eatos?! :'''Téa''': What's he gonna do with that card? :'''Mokuba''': Hopefully win. :'''Yami Yugi''': One more thing. ''[thinking]'' Joey… I can only accomplish this with your help. ''[speaking]'' I summon The Claw of Hermos! :'''Tristan''': Hey, Joey! Check it out, man! He just summoned your boy! :'''Yami Yugi''': And now, Hermos and Queen's Knight, combine together to form Goddess Bow! That doubles the attack points of Guardian Eatos! And since Eatos has been removed from your graveyard, your Dreadscythe gets weaker! :'''Rafael''': What are you up to? Our monsters are even now. So if you attack, they're both destroyed. But mine comes back! :'''Yami Yugi''': We'll see about that! I have a few more surprises planned! Eatos attack his Dreadscythe, NOW! I activate the special ability of my Goddess Bow! Now every time your Dreadscythe revives itself, Eatos can attack again! :'''Rafael''': No! :'''Yami Yugi''': And don't forget, with each attack, you lose another card! :'''Mokuba''': Of course! If Rafael runs out of cards, his monster can't come back! :'''Yami Yugi''': The dark flame of your Dreadscythe is now extinguished. ===''A Duel with Dartz'' [4.33-38]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Rafael''': Go! Hurry! Stop him! Stop Dartz! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Yes come home my children. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': Dude, what's with all these people chiseled in stone? :'''Téa''': They're just any people! Take a look! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[spots at Yugi, Joey, Mai, Pegasus, Weevil, Rex, Alister, Valon and all many people in stone]'' Oh, no! There's Mai and Weevil! :'''Tristan''': This must be everyone who lost their soul! :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi! :'''Dartz''': ''[voice-over]'' What a touching reunion. Too bad your friends turned out to be a bunch of stiffs. ''[laughing evilly and reveals himself from fire]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Dartz! :'''Dartz''': You were expecting someone else? Well, due to the carelessness of my employees, ''I'm'' the only one left. You can't find good help these days. :'''Kaiba''': Look, I want my company back, so can the small talk! :'''Dartz''': Is that so? Well, guess what? We all want something. As for me, I want your souls for my wall. I even have the spot picked out. :'''Kaiba''': Save it, Dartz! It'll take a lot more than a few party tricks to scare me! :'''Yami Yugi''': Now, for the last time, release our friends! :'''Dartz''': That's not possible. :'''Yami Yugi''': What do you mean? :'''Dartz''': I mean they've already been put to use. As we speak, their life energy supplies to the most devastating creature that ever lived. :'''Téa''': Oh, great. Now, what? :'''Dartz''': My 10,000 year old collection is almost complete. Once I get you two, the beast can rise. :'''Yami Yugi''': Hold on! You've been collecting souls for all those years?! Do you know how many lives you've destroyed?! :'''Dartz''': ''[snickers evilly]'' Millions! And each one of them deserved their fate! Take a moment to look around, won't you? Some of my favorite conquests are in this very room. And since it's taken me millennia to complete, it's quite the history lesson. :'''Tea''': He's right. Look at the outfits on these guys. :'''Mokuba''': So some of these people lived in the past? :'''Dartz''': Now you're catching on. Ever since the Great Leviathan was laid to rest, I've been gathering the energy necessary to fuel its rebirth. :'''Kaiba''': Come on, you expect us to believe that junk? :'''Dartz''': Ye of little faith. Just duel me and I promise I'll make a believer out of you, For when you lose, there will be no denying my power. :'''Kaiba''': Then let's stop talking and start dueling. :'''Yami Yugi''': You can't, Kaiba-- not alone. This lunatic is far too dangerous. :'''Dartz''': So why don't you join him? And when I defeat you, I'll get two souls for the price of one! :'''Yami Yugi''': All right. Ready, Kaiba? :'''Kaiba''': I'm way ahead of you. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Meanwhile… Rafael puts a soulless Valon on the back of the jeep along a soulless Mai on front seat]'' :'''Rafael''': Don't worry, I'll save you both. Mark my words, Dartz is gonna pay. <hr width="50%"/> :''[After the Pharaoh and Kaiba summon Blue-Eyes White Dragon and Black Luster Soldier, both monsters with 3000 attack points]'' :'''Mokuba''': All right! Dartz better watch out! They just summoned two major league monsters on their first turn! :'''Dartz''': Those pathetic creatures may work in your little card tournaments, but I'm afraid ''I'' play a completely different game-- a game in which the winner takes ALL, and the loser pays the ultimate price! This card was born from the darkness itself! ''[echoes]'' Behold, a power that has existed since the dawn of time. The very power that shall strip you of your souls! ''[plays the Seal of Orichalcos]'' :'''Kaiba''': Oh, no! :'''Yami Yugi''': The Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Mokuba''': Whoa. Do you feel that? :'''Tristan''': If you mean the sudden drop in temperature and that freaky evil vibe in the air, then yes, I do. :'''Téa''': ''[worried]'' Me too. :'''Dartz''': Now that I've set the tone for this duel, allow me to continue. Watch this… Arise, Orichalcos Gigas! :'''Yami Yugi''': I faced this beast before, and it was almost impossible to destroy, Kaiba. :'''Kaiba''': That's 'cause last time you didn't have me to bail you out. :'''Dartz''': Next, I'll sacrifice 500 of my Life Points. That let's me summon my Orichalcos Kyutora. And, thanks to the Seal, it gets an additional 500 points. All right. I guess that'll do for now. ====Part 2==== :''[Dartz, Yami Yugi, and Kaiba hovering above the city of Atlantis]'' :'''Dartz''': Behold, the lost city of Atlantis and all its glory. Just as it was 10,000 years ago, a perfect civilization or so I thought. Surrounded by oceans as far as the eye could see, we were isolated from the rest of the world. :''[A scene depicts the once glorious city of Atlantis and all of Earth's creatures]'' :'''Dartz''': Our lives were simple, we existed side by side with all of Earth's creatures and we knew nothing of violence. But, then that changed. :''[a meteor shower rains upon Atlantis]'' :'''Dartz''': Darkness ascended upon us and a strange substance rained down from the heavens. A substance that will change our lives. :'''Yami Yugi''': The Orichalcos. :'''Kaiba''': Please tell me that story time is over, I'd like to duel. :'''Dartz''': The tale of my past directly affects the fate of your future. So if I were you, I pay close attention. :''[it seems the city of Atlantis had changed]'' :'''Dartz''': Now thanks to the stones of the Orichalcos, the people of Atlantis needed advancement in technology that were never before imagine. And soon, I ruled over the most highly developed civilization the world had ever known. However, with progress comes greed and eventually violence, I knew what had to be done. But, my father, former king Ironheart had different ideas. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[shocked]'' Ironheart was your father?! But how? :'''Kaiba''': If you ask questions, this ridiculous story is never going to end. :'''Dartz''': That old fool never had what took to be king and on my 21st birthday, he allowed me to take over and filled his unimpressive shoes. So as technology continued to advance and the hearts of my people continued to seek deeper into the darkness. It was up to me to remedy the situation, the citizens of Atlantis were growing more and more selfish. And if I didn't act soon, I would lose complete control, but even I couldn't have imagine what would happen next. :''[The Orichalcos began to show the true nature of the Atlanteans]'' :'''Dartz''': The Orichalcos began to test us, it revealed the truth about who we were. :''[The people of Atlantis are beginning to turn into monsters]'' :'''Dartz''': Those who were wicked on the inside became wicked on the outside. :''[Meanwhile, Iona is struggling]'' :'''Dartz''': Iona, are you all right? :'''Dartz''': Wait, come back! What's going on?! :''[Dartz soon finds out that his beloved wife also turned into a monster]'' :'''Dartz''': Iona! :'''Dartz''': I didn't realize it first, but the true colors of my people were revealed to me that day. :'''Dartz''': But why? Why is this happening? :''[a bright green light appears in the water fountain]'' :'''Dartz''': I couldn't understand how a society as perfect as ours could crumble like this. :''[He picks up an Orichalcos stone]'' :'''Dartz''': But soon the Orichalcos would answer all my questions. The people of Atlantis were evil and I have been chosen to wipe them out and start over again. But I couldn't accomplish such a task on my own, I was but one man so the Orichalcos gave me a gift, something powerful enough to lead my fight against mankind. For deep below the Earth's surface lives the most incredible creature ever lived, the Great Leviathan! And it was mine, and shortly that this great beast will return to finish what it began! :'''Dartz''': I was ready to begin my task of recreating civilization on Earth, but one person stood in my way. :''[A scene where Ironheart, Chris, and Skye are in the throne room]'' :'''Ironheart''': My son, you know what you have to do. Destroy those Orichalcos stones so we can return the light we once knew. :''[Dartz sitting on his throne with a gold eye]'' :'''Dartz''': ''[laughs]'' Do you honestly believe that we can go back to the way things were. It's too late for that, Father. :'''Ironheart''': But, Dartz... :'''Dartz''': The true nature of our people have been exposed. We now know that the citizens of this planet are evil and must be destroy! :'''Ironheart''': What?! :'''Dartz''': You heard me, old man! We should be thanking the Orichalcos for showing us the truth. Not blaming it for the faults of mankind, but this mysterious substance that rained down above us had open up my eyes. Not only has it showed me what's wrong, it's given me the tools to fix it. For now I have the power to awaken a mighty creature known as the Great Leviathan! And by the power of the Orichalcos, this beast will rise up from the depths of the earth and fight by my side! And when I'm through, I shall rebuild civilization! :''[The stones have summoned an army of Orichalcos soldiers]'' :'''Ironheart''': Dartz! What's going on?! :''[Dartz laughs evilly]'' :'''Dartz''': Meet my Orichalcos soldiers! :'''Chris''': ''[scared]'' Grandpa, I'm scared! :'''Dartz''': If you join my side, you have nothing to fear. If not, farewell. :'''Ironheart''': We'll never join you! Never! Let's go, Chris! :''[They escape from the throne room]'' :'''Dartz''': Have it your way. :''[Dartz appears on his balcony and addresses his army]'' :'''Dartz''': The time has come to cleanse the world of its impurities! So arise my children and conquer the people of Earth! And this planet shall be yours! :''[Meanwhile Ironheart, Chris, and Skye are walking from their city and they enter a cave]'' :'''Chris''': What are we going to do, Grandpa? :'''Ironheart''': Your father is under the control of an evil force and he must be stopped. The future of our planet depends on it. Through there, hurry! :''[Chris and Skye suddenly runs through an carving of monsters on the walls]'' :'''Chris''': What's there? Why are those monsters carved in stone? :'''Ironheart''': We've come here to ask for their help. :''[The scene depicts the battle of Atlantis between Dartz's Orichalcos army and Ironheart's army of monsters]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': And so the Battle of Atlantis began! You see my father had opened up a gateway to the Dominion of the Beasts and he used the monsters within to form an army of his own. :'''Yami Yugi''': Tell me, what was the battle's outcome? :'''Dartz''': Neither side were victorious and Atlantis sunk to the bottom of the sea. My father's monster army were scattered around the world and sealed away until they be needed again. The Leviathan was drained of its power and also sealed away. It's taken me 10,000 years to gather the energy necessary to bring it back. All that's left of me to do is to defeat you two in this duel. Then your souls will awaken the Great Leviathan and my plan will finally come to pass. :'''Kaiba''': Hold on! We already defeated you! Our Master of Dragon Soldier should've wipe out the rest of your life points. :'''Dartz''': Perhaps it should have, but I'm afraid it didn't. Your pathetic attack failed short of its target. So this duel is still on. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Orichalcos Gigas, return! :'''Yami Yugi''': I told you, Kaiba. Each time his Gigas is destroyed, it comes back even stronger! :'''Dartz''': Face it, you'll never defeat me! The power of the Orichalcos will swallow you both! Now back to the duel. Since my Gigas returned to me, I can't draw a card. But no matter, everything I need is in my hand. So I'll enhance the power of the Seal with this-- the magic of Orichalcos Deuteros! ''[laughs evilly]'' :'''Kaiba''': What's going on?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Somehow he's made the Seal of Orichalcos stronger! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Dartz activates the Orichalcos Deuteros spell card, adding another layer to the Seal of Orichalcos]'' :'''Dartz''': Gentlemen, welcome to the second level of darkness! :'''Kaiba''': The what?! :'''Yami Yugi''': I don't know how. But Dartz just added another layer to the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Tea''': Right! So what does that mean? :'''Dartz''': The first benefit of my Orichalcos Deuteros, is the addition of 500 Life Points each turn for every monster I have on the field. Therefore, since I have two, that's 1,000 points! :'''Kaiba''': What?! How are we supposed to wipe him out?! :'''Dartz''': You're not. It makes me invincible! Next, I'll attack your Master of Dragon Soldier! Go, my Orichalcos Gigas! :'''Yami Yugi''': Nice try! But my dragon's too strong! :'''Dartz''': Kyutora, absorb ''all'' the damage! ''[chuckles]'' My Life Points are safe. And now, my Gigas returns! :'''Tristan''': That creep! He's letting his Orichalcos Gigas get its butt kicked on purpose, so it can come back stronger! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' That can't be it. His monster would have to be destroyed seven more times before it could defeat my dragon. So there must be more to his plan. Perhaps the secret lies in his Kyutora, and its ability to absorb attack damage. Yes! That creature must have another special ability! :'''Kaiba''': All right, Dartz, my move! ''[thinking]'' As long as that eyesore is on the field, it's pointless to attack his Orichalcos Gigas because Dartz won't lose any Life Points. Plus, Gigas will just come back stronger. But if I attack Dartz directly, I should be able to win the duel! ''[speaking]'' I place one card facedown on the field! And next… I summon my Blade Knight! And since I have only one card left in my hand, Blade Knight gets another 400 attack points! I think that'll do for now. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' He's setting himself up for something. :'''Kaiba''': ''[thinking]'' Yugi better not screw this up for me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kaiba''': Oh, no! That attack was supposed to hit Dartz, not his monster! :'''Yami Yugi''': It's a force field! But how did he create it? :'''Dartz''': By using the second layer of the Seal, of course. Whenever my Life Points are targeted, my Orichalcos Deuteros steps in to defend me. It's simple. ''I'' make a sacrifice so that your monster takes the hit! You know what that means, right? Your dragon just attacked itself! ====Part 3==== :'''Dartz''': So tell me, Gentlemen, what do you think of my newest soldiers? I'm sure there's no need for any introductions. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's not funny, Dartz. :'''Dartz''': Maybe not to you. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's enough. :'''Kaiba''': Just drop the magic act and let's duel. :'''Dartz''': But we are dueling, you insensible twit. We're just doing it by my rules, that's all. Since I now control the souls of your former friends, I thought it would be fun to let them play along with us. :'''Téa''': Leave them alone! :'''Tristan''': What did they do to you?! :'''Dartz''': You should be thanking me. :'''Yami Yugi''': And why's that? :'''Dartz''': I'm giving you one last chance to see your companions. Before their souls are gone forever. :'''Yami Yugi''': You'll never take them away from us, Dartz! :'''Dartz''': That's right, Pharaoh. Let your anger consume you. Feel the darkness within you beginning to spread. The stronger your rage, the more powerful the Great Leviathan will be when it absorbs your soul. Now where we? Ah, yes. Mirror Knight Yugi. It's time to attack your other half. :'''Yami Yugi''': No, Yugi! Fight it! I know you can hear me! :''[Yugi struggles to fight against Dartz's command]'' :'''Dartz''': What's this? My soldier is still loyal to you? How touching. [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Self_Destruction|Even though you turned your back on him, he refuses to seek revenge]]. That will soon change. :'''Yami Yugi''': We'll see. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Kaiba! :'''Kaiba''': Just save it! That second-rate chump has held me back for the last time! Different Dimension Dragon Attack! :'''Yami Yugi''': No! Don't do this! :'''Kaiba''': Too late! :''[Knight Yugi's shield disintegrates]'' :'''Kaiba''': No way! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': You don't look happy to see me, and after all we've been through. Where's the love? Don't answer that. I've heard enough lies from ''you''. The Pharaoh opened me up to the truth. :'''Dartz''': Really? :'''Rafael''': Yeah, really. Thanks to him, [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Grappling_with_a_Guardian|I was able to escape the seal of orichalcos with my soul still intact]] unlike them and everyone else you used. Now set them free before you end up on that wall. :'''Dartz''': Your soul may have been spared, but it sounds like the orichalcos took what was left of your brain. :'''Rafael''': What's that supposed to mean? :'''Dartz''': It means you're more gullible than ever. Do you honestly think the darkness that once controlled you is gone? :'''Rafael''': Yes. The Pharaoh set me free. :'''Dartz''': Did he... Hmm. Or did he just trick you the way you think I did? :'''Rafael''': Stop it! You're messing with my head. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Rafael, You mustn't listen to him. :'''Rafael''': Everything is your fault. ''You'' took ''me'' from my family. :'''Dartz''': I needed your anger, your thirst for revenge. :'''Rafael''': ''[enraged]'' '''YOU RUINED MY LIFE, YOU MONSTER!''' ====Part 4==== :'''Dartz''': It's time to reinforce the sacred Seal with its most powerful layer thus far! Behold the ancient magic of my Orichalcos Tritos! ''[adds a third layer to the Seal of Orichalcos]'' Welcome to level 3, gentlemen. :'''Yami Yugi''': How can the Seal possibly get any stronger?! :'''Dartz''': We're dealing with a force greater than the darkest shadows and older than time itself. Does that answer your question? :'''Mokuba''': Whoa! :'''Téa''': His Life Points are out of control! :'''Dartz''': Orichalcos Malevolence, use your special ability to switch Kaiba's dragon into attack mode! So I'm afraid this is goodbye. With an attack strength of only 1400, your dragon is far too weak to defend your Life Points. :'''Kaiba''': So that means… :'''Yami Yugi''': You lose! :'''Dartz''': Now my beast, bring Kaiba's soul to me! :'''Kaiba''': Wrong! I activate my Shrink card! :'''Dartz''': ''[chuckles and the third layer of the Seal destroys Kaiba's magic card]'' Is it beginning to sink in yet? When used properly, the Seal of Orichalcos is unmatched by any other card in the game! And due to its third layer, your magic and trap cards are useless against me! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Kyutora has ''another'' ability! Whenever it's destroyed, it '''''evolves!''''' :''[Orichalcos Kyutora is destroyed and Orichalcos Shunoros appears]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Oh, no! What's going on?! :'''Kaiba''': What is that?! :'''Dartz''': My little friend is all grown up, so playtime's over! Gentlemen, I'd like you meet Orichalcos Shunoros! :'''Kaiba''': Did you see what I see?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Unfortunately. :'''Téa''': See what? :'''Tristan''': That thing's got 20,000 points! :'''Dartz''': Don't look so surprised. ''You're'' the ones who created this unstoppable beast! You may have destroyed my previous monsters, but you unleashed something far worse! :'''Yami Yugi''': It can wipe us out in one strike! :'''Dartz''': You're absolutely right, but before I do that, I have some more bad news to share. Orichalcos Shunoros, activate your special ability! Release Orichalcos Dexia… and Orichalcos Aristeros! :'''Yami Yugi''': What's the meaning of this?! :'''Dartz''': Allow me to clear things up. Shunoros just released two more creatures. The first one is known as Dexia, and its attack strength is always 300 points higher than the monster it's battling, making it the perfect sword! And the second one is just as strong. It will intercept every one of your attacks and retaliate with a blast that's 300 points greater than the one you fired, making Orichalcos Aristeros the perfect shield! You'll never get past my triple threat! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' Not only is his monster more powerful than Kaiba's dragon… but with Dexia and Aristeros on the front line, our attacks won't even get through! :'''Dartz''': I activate the trap card, Martyr Curse! This forces one of your monsters to engage in a battle with one of my monsters. And as a nasty little side effect, it cancels out any special abilities your creature may have. And since I don't seem to have much of a choice, I'll target your Mirror Force Dragon! Without its reflecting power, your dragon's completely defenseless, which means you're about to be out one soul! Orichalcos Shunoros, remove Kaiba's Life Points so the Orichalcos can remove his spirit! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Kaiba's Wish of Final Effort trap card increases Yugi's Life Points and loses his soul when his Life Points dropped down to zero…]'' :'''Dartz''': Pharaoh, it looks like you're the soul survivor. :'''Yami Yugi''': You disgust me. :'''Dartz''': I'll tell you what. Since I already have what I need... You can keep the rest of him! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Don't worry, Pharaoh. Your friends are fine. I don't need weak souls. I just wanted to spend some quality time with you, one-on-one. Is that so wrong? :'''Yami Yugi''': That's enough! :'''Dartz''': But there's something I think you'll want to know. You and I met 5,000 years ago when you were king of Egypt. We may not have been officially introduced, but I was there watching you. :'''Yami Yugi''': Go on. :'''Dartz''': When the battle of Atlantis ended, I thought the Great Leviathan was gone forever. That is, until I met you. :'''Yami Yugi''': Hold on! What does that evil creature of yours have to do with me?! :'''Dartz''': I thought you'd never ask. Behold the Palace of the Pharaoh in year 3000 B.C.! Ring any bells? Hmm? ====Part 5==== :'''Joey''': Huh? I've had some weird dreams, but this one takes the cake. Wait, hold on. I remember being trapped in a duel, but... how did I end up floating around in here? :'''Yugi Muto''': ''[offscreen]'' Joey? Is that you? :'''Joey''': Yugi! Long time no see! :'''Yugi''': I'm glad you're all right! :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': Please, bubble boy, you call this "all right"? :'''Yugi and Joey''': Pegasus! :'''Pegasus''': If we don't escape soon, we never will! :'''Joey''': Hmm? Where exactly are we, anyway, Huh? ''[spots at Valon, Mai Valentine, Weevil Underwood, Rex Raptor, Alister, Rafael and Seto Kaiba]'' Wait! Everyone in here had their soul captured! This must be where the orichalcos spits you out after you lose a duel! Aah! Calm down. Maybe it is just a dream. Uh... :'''Yugi''': It's no dream. And take a look, Joey. Things are about to get worse! :'''Joey''': What's that!? :'''Pegasus''': Don't you pay attention? That's the Great Leviathan, and it's using human souls for power. :'''Joey''': It's doing what!? But I don't wanna be turned into soul food! :'''Yugi''': We can still get out of this mess if the Pharaoh defeats Dartz! :'''Joey''': Huh? But how see gonna do that? ''[looks at Seto Kaiba]'' Rich boy's with us now. That means.... The Pharaoh's facing Dartz alone out there! :'''Yugi''': Wrong. Kaiba may have been knocked outta the fight... But the Pharaoh's not alone, Joey. :'''Joey''': I'm afraid I don't follow, Yuge. :'''Yugi''': He's still got all of us. Sure, we're not right there next to him, but we've never let that stop us before. :'''Joey''': Yeah, but I don't know if that's gonna work this time, 'Cause Dartz is playin' by a whole new set a rules. and nothing can take down that orichalcos card. :'''Pegasus''': There is one thing that can help. :'''Joey''': Huh? :'''Pegasus''': It's the card I gave him. And if the Pharaoh draws it, He'll be able to unleash a force like no other. :'''Joey''': In this card can beat Dartz? :'''Pegasus''': Yes. You see, it was during a trip to Egypt that I was inspired to create the game of duel monsters after making an astonishing discovery. Ancient kings and sorcerers once performed dark rituals to conjure real monsters. These creatures were believed to have lived in a universe parallel to ours, and guarding the gateway to this dominion of the beasts were three legendary dragons known as Timaeus, Critias, and Hermos. But you already know about them, right? :'''Joey''': Right. :'''Pegasus''': What you don't know is that these dragons aren't what they appear to be. They were buried with a dark secret. So I created a card that unlocks this mystery. :'''Yugi''': I don't get it. What's the secret? :'''Pegasus''': I spent many years scouring the globe trying to find an answer to that very question, Yugi boy. First I searched the microscopic world for the tiniest clues. then I scanned the vast reaches of the universe, and still nothing. Other than on stone tablet hidden deep beneath the sands of Egypt, there was no record of the existence of these dragons. Then it dawned on me. What if these dragons aren't dragons at all? What if they're humans! :'''Yugi''': Humans!? But how is that possible, Pegasus? and what does it have to do with that mystery card you gave to the Pharaoh? :'''Pegasus''': During the battle of Atlantis, Dartz transformed three brave knights into dragons in an effort to weaken them. Now the Pharaoh must restore them to their original form... Before we disappear forever! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': ''[shocked by the Pharaoh's Millennium Puzzle preventing the Orichalcos to take his soul]'' Impossible! No one can overcome the power of the Orichalcos! You should have lost the duel! What's going on?! Why didn't the Seal take your soul?! Tell me! :'''Yami Yugi''': You forced me to gaze inside my heart, thinking I would find only darkness. But you were wrong. :'''Dartz''': Then you gazed in the wrong place! :'''Yami Yugi''': Look, believe what you wish, but I know the truth. My heart is filled with the light of friendship, and no magic can take that away, no matter how strong it is. So, thank you. You reminded me that my friends are always with me. And we're going to win this fight and take you down together! Dartz… It all ends right now! ''[draws and gasps; thinking]'' It's the card Pegasus gave me! I can sense it! :'''Dartz''': Well? Get on with it. :'''Yami Yugi''': Do you know what's in my hand? The key to unlocking the secret of the legendary dragons! :'''Dartz''': ''[gasps]'' What?! :'''Yami Yugi''': You heard me. Legend of Heart! I give up 1,000 Life Points and remove my Obnoxious Celtic Guardian from the field! This lets me summon Critias, Hermos, and Timaeus in their true form! :'''Timaeus''': Finally! After 10 millennia in captivity, we've been set free! :'''Dartz''': No! Not them! :''[The three legendary knights appear in their true forms on Yugi's side of the field]'' :'''Timaeus''': I am he who is named Timaeus! :'''Critias''': And I am… Sir Critias! :'''Hermos''': I am known as… Sir Hermos! :'''Legendary Knights''': In the name of Atlantis… we have been reborn! :'''Dartz''': ''[shocked in disbelief]'' I thought I took care of you centuries ago! ''[The three knights slam their swords onto the ground and destroy the Seal of Orichalcos; horrified]'' What have you done?! My precious Seal is gone! :'''Hermos''': Your ring of darkness is useless in our presence! :'''Critias''': Did you forget our last encounter? :'''Timaeus''': I certainly did not. And I have a score to settle with you! :'''Yami Yugi''': The time has come to weaken your defense! ====Part 6==== <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': You lose, Dartz. Your 10,000 year quest is finally over. :'''Dartz''': It can't be. I've come too close. All I need is one more powerful soul and the Great Leviathan will arise from the depths of the earth. :'''Yami Yugi''': Too little, too late. Your serpent has been destroyed, and with that, our duel come to an end. Now release the souls of my friends and everyone else you've held captive. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Téa''': ''[in tears]'' It is you, Yugi! :'''Yugi''': Téa? :'''Téa''': I thought we'd never see you again! :'''Yugi''': It's good to see you, too. :'''Joey''': All right, Out of my way people. Where's my little buddy? Ha Ha! Yug! Man did I miss this spikey little head. :'''Yugi''': Hey, Joey! :'''Téa''': The gang is back! :'''Tristan''': Don't forget about me! <hr width="50%"/> ===''Rise of the Great Beast'' [4.39-40]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Dark Magician Girl''': Monsters, unite. Without us all hope is lost. We must join forces with the humans! And together we shall defeat the Great Beast. Now go! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': That Leviathan's a goner! It's 3 on 1 up there! :'''Kaiba''': I see you can count! Unfortunately, numbers aren't everything! :'''Yugi''': You can do this, Pharaoh! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': My Leviathan is fueled by the darkness of my prisoners! :'''The Pharaoh''': Wrong, Dartz! I was able to transform the darkness in their hearts to light! A light which now fuels MY beasts! :'''Dartz''': NO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, PHARAOH?!?! :'''Kaiba''': Hey, look! I guess the Gods did pull through! :'''Joey''': Told ya! That means everyone Dartz captured is free! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': I'm back. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi''': Look! It’s the portal that led us here! :'''Joey''': Alright! Home sweet home here we come! <hr width="50%"/> ====Part 2==== :'''Dartz''': Now, Great Leviathan! Crush the Pharaoh with his own darkness! :'''Yugi''': Let him go! :'''Yami Yugi''': No! Get back! :'''Yugi''': Huh? :'''Yami Yugi''': This is my fight now, I must prove that my rage is gone! ''[Yugi gasps flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|Yami Yugi and Rafael's first duel, the Pharaoh activated The Seal of Oricalcos card]]. flashback ends]'' When I played that card, I unlocked the evil in my heart, Ever since then, I’ve been fighting the anger within me, and now it’s destroying me. :'''Yugi''': But you stopped it… Didn’t you? :'''Yami Yugi''': No, Yugi! Listen. Facing you in that duel was a first step, But there’s a long way to go. ''[grunting]'' The darkness… It’s power knows no bounds. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Self Destruction|Yami and Yugi’s duel in the Stone Wasteland]] flashback ends.]'' :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh! Be strong! Focus on the good inside you! Think of your friends! :'''Yami Yugi''': Of course. As long as I’m filled with the light of friendship, Dartz can’t win. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#A Duel with Dartz|their duel]] and flashback ends]'' Thanks to my friends, I have enough light to banish the darkness! So with the power of everyone in my heart, I shall seal you away! '''BE GONE!''' :'''Dartz''': Great Leviathan, vanquish the Pharaoh's spirit for all eternity! :'''Yugi''': Get out while you can! :'''Yami Yugi''': You must trust me! :'''Dartz''': '''NO! THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE!''' :''[?]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Man''': The hurricane, It seens to be gone. :'''Captain''': Are you sure you're reading that thing right? :''[Back at Monument Valley, Duke Devlin, Rebecca and Professor Arthur Hawkins saw dark clouds are lifting out to the skylight.]'' :'''Arthur Hawkins''': The Darkness is Lifting. :''[Back at Atlantis]'' :'''Yugi''': You did it. ''[Yami collapses he helps him]'' Hey, are you all right? :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm fine, Yugi, The Great Leviathan is gone. :'''Yugi''': Yeah. Thanks, pal. It's over now. ''[spots at Dartz]'' But what about Dartz? :''[Dartz wakes up his dark side is gone then the light glow when Ironheart, Chris and Skye appears]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi, Look it's Ironheart, and Chris. :'''Dartz''': Father, Chris, It's you. :'''Chris''': Dad, you're back! :'''Ironheart''': My son, At long last. And you have the great pharaoh to thank. He drove out the evil force that controlled you. :'''Dartz''': Oh. :'''Yami Yugi''': I knew it. Deep down you're a noble ruler, Dartz. :'''Chris''': And a great father! I've missed you so much, Dad. :'''Ironheart''': Your work here is now complete. You may go in place. Great things await you. So return now to your world by stepping through that portal. :'''Yugi''': But what about you? Are you guys gonna be OK? :'''Ironheart''': Yes, For the first time in centuries. :'''Yami Yugi''': Alright, Yugi let's go back home. :''[Pharaoh and Yugi walked toward the portal and looks at Chris, Dartz, Ironheart and Skye and they walked off enter the portal and disappears Chris looks at her father.]'' :'''Chris''': Hey, Dad. We should go too. After all this time, We have a lot of catching up to do. :''[Dartz smiled agreed with his daughter now the Atlantis is going down to the ocean and splashed towards Dartz's lair.]'' :'''Seto Kaiba''': Mokuba! Start the engines! :'''Mokuba Kaiba''': Seto! :'''Seto''': We have to get out of here. :'''Téa Gardner''': Without Yugi? No way. :'''Joey Wheeler''': Eh? :'''Téa''': Don't you know where he is? :'''Joey''': Don't tell me. :'''Téa''': You mean he's still in there!? :'''Mokuba''': Time's running out! :'''Seto''': Mokuba's right. We can't wait. :'''Joey''': Yugi! :'''Tristan Taylor''': Are you nuts man! :'''Joey''': Get your hands off of me Tristan! I’m not leaving here without Yugi! :'''Tristan''': Joey, we have to trust that he found the way out on his own! :'''Joey''': YUGI! :''[the gang hops in the KaibaCorp helicopter and takes off as Dartz's lair is washed down. Inside the helicopter Téa, Rafael, Tristan, Joey, Kaiba and Mokuba.]'' :'''Seto''': Good riddance. :'''Mokuba''': I just hope Yugi wasn't in there. :'''Téa''': Me, too. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the Hospital Rex and Weevil wakes up was that a dream.]'' :'''Weevil Underwood''': Where am i? Mommy? :'''Rex Raptor''': Hey! Who's said that!? :'''Weevil/Rex''': Huh! Oh! :'''Rex''': What are you doing in my bedroom, Weevil!? :'''Weevil''': Your bedroom!? You're in a hospital, You dimwit! :'''Rex''': What happened!? :'''Weevil''': I know who fault this is. :'''Rex''': ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#On the Wrong Track|Joey's]].'' :'''Weevil''': ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#On the Wrong Track|Yugi's]].'' :'''Both''': '''YOU'RE PAY FOR THIS! YOU HEAR ME!?''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alister''': Mikey, I know you're out there somewhere, And I'm not gonna stop looking until I find you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': ''[wakes up]'' I’m home. ''[thinking]'' Was that all a dream? ''[flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fighting for a Friend|Joey and Valon's last duel]]. Flashback ends he gets up the bed and the card fell off he spotted the Harpie Lady card and holds it walked outside the beach house and smiling looked at the sky]'' I'll never forget you. Thanks Mai. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mai driving on her motorcycle at the beach]'' :'''Mai Valentine''': ''[thinking]'' ''I'm glad that mess is over. Now to pick up the pieces.'' ''[In Mai's flashbacks, it shows the beginning of how she entered the Doma organization, when she met [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#An_Unexpected_Enemy|Yugi's friends and running towards Joey]] [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Fighting_for_a_Friend|before he became unconscious]]. Flashbacks ends]'' ''Sorry Joey. But I can't face you yet. So I'm gonna hit the road until I'm ready to own up to everything for what have I've done. But I'll be back.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dark Magician Girl''': ''[voice-over]'' Yugi, Wake up. :'''Yugi''': ''[wakes up and surprised on the beach and sees the sunset on the ocean.]'' Any idea where we are? :'''Yami Yugi''': It seems we've washed up on shore. But I wonder how. Someone must have guided us here. Hmm. :'''Yugi''': Hey, look! ''[sees Dark Magician Girl along with Timaeus, Hermos and Critias appears]'' It's Dark Magician Girl! :'''Yami Yugi''': And she's brought with her the three legendary knights. :'''Dark Magician Girl''': We four are forever in your debt. Not only have you rescued your own world, But you've saved the creatures of our world as well. Thanks to your fearlessness. The dominion of the beasts can once again flourish just as it did so many years ago. And by breaking the evil spell that imprisoned the legendary knights. They can continue to protect our land. :'''Yugi''': I'm just glad we could help. :'''Timaeus''': Thank you both. You fought bravely. Farewell. :'''Critias''': You two will never be forgotten. :'''Hermos''': For as long as we reign. :'''Yami Yugi''': Well, We couldn't have done it without you. In the face of ultimate darkness, Your couragfousness sparked a light so incredibly strong it will burn for all eternity. :'''Timaeus''': Thank you, Pharaoh. We shall meet again. :''[The legendary knights flying off together.]'' :'''Dark Magician Girl''': The time may come that we need each other again. If so, You know where I'll be. Right there in your deck. :''[she flying off with the legendary knights together then inside the KaibaCorp helicopter]'' :'''Téa''': Look, those weird lights are back. :'''Joey''': Well, that explains why? It's Dark Magician Girl and the three legendary knights. :'''Téa''': I guess they’re going home. Now that their world is safe again. :'''Yugi''': ''[sees "The Eye of Timaeus" card disappears]'' Well, Pharaoh there goes our Timaeus. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes Yugi, There goes Timaeus. :'''Joey''': ''[sees "The Claw of Hermos" card disappears]'' Well, there goes Hermos. :'''Kaiba''': ''[sees "The Fang of Critias" card disappears]'' Oh well... No big deal. My deck's still unstoppable. :'''Téa''': I hope Yugi's all right. ''[spots Yugi on the island]'' Look! :'''Mokuba''': Huh? :'''Joey''': Eh? :'''Tristan''': Huh? Hey! It's Yugi! :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh! Over there! They made it out! :'''Yami Yugi''': You're right. :''[KaibaCorp helicopter lands on the beach and the door open]'' :'''Joey''': Yugi! :'''Tea''': I knew we find you. :'''Tristan''': Hey man! :'''Joey''': ''[giggling]'' I'll never let this spikey head of yours is outta my sight. :'''Tea''': Is it really all over? :'''Yugi''': Yep, we're safe now. :'''Mokuba''': ''[next to Seto Kaiba behind Rafael]'' Hey, Yugi! :'''Joey''': Let's hit the high road folks, I'm sure there's someone else trying to taking over the world back home. :'''Tristan''': You know the scary thing is he's probably right. :''[The gang hops the KaibaCorp helicopter when Yugi sees the Pharaoh watches the sunsets down the ocean.]'' :'''Tea''': ''[offscreen]'' Yugi, is something wrong? :'''Yugi''': I'll be right there, Tea. ''[The Pharaoh and Yugi looked at each other as the sun going down the ocean.]'' ''[voice over]'' ''We may have stopped Dartz, but the Pharaoh's not done yet. Now he has to pick up where he left off before all this craziness started 'cause the biggest adventure of all is still ahead. And it won't be over till the pharaoh unlocks the secrets of his past. He needs to learn who he really is and why he was sent back here. Maybe then his spirit'll finally be able to rest. Well, no matter what happens, one thing's for sure... whatever he finds out there... and whatever he needs to face... he won't have to do it alone.'' ==External links== {{wikipedia|Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (season 4)}} {{Yu-Gi-Oh!}} [[Category:Yu-Gi-Oh! seasons|4]] [[Category:Children's television seasons]] 0ru98l7qtj976k120gfc4fpowr2b8d5 3778983 3778982 2025-07-15T02:13:04Z 2001:8003:DD49:F700:70BE:E456:AB7D:24BF /* Fighting for a Friend [4.25-29] */ 3778983 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''Seasons''': [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 1)|1]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 2)|2]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 3)|3 Enter the Shadow Realm]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)|4 Waking the Dragons]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 5)|5 Grand Championship and Dawn of the Duel]] | '''Movies''': [[Yu-Gi-Oh! The Movie: Pyramid of Light]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Dark Side of Dimensions|The Dark Side of Dimensions]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh!: Bonds Beyond Time|Bonds Beyond Time]] | [[Yu-Gi-Oh!|Main]] ---------------- The following is a list of quotes from the fourth season of '''''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'''''. ==Waking the Dragons Arc== ===''A New Evil'' [4.01-02]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Rex Raptor''': Ever hear of stepping aside?! :'''Weevil Underwood''': Yeah! What's your problem? :'''Gurimo''': The problem should be yours when I strip you two fools of your souls. :'''Rex Raptor''': Does the Grim Reaper know you've raided his wardrobe? :'''Gurimo''': ''[his eyes glow green, explaining the Orichalcos]'' ''Quod valedico vestrum animus.'' :'''Rex Raptor''': Say what?! :'''Weevil Underwood''': I-I think you just got him mad! :'''Gurimo''': Rise on your feet and Duel! ''[activates his Chaos Duel Disk and Weevil and Rex scream in terror off-screen]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Great deities of domination, I call upon thee. Use the pharaoh's force to penetrate the dominion of the beasts and liberate the fury of 10,000 years. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gurimo''': Your fate is now sealed. ====Part 2==== :'''Alister''': Looks like someone needs a rest. :'''Valon''': The boss warned us that the Egyptian God Cards and the magic of the Orichalcos might not mix so well, didn't he? :'''Alister''': I think that geezer's just getting too old for this. :'''Rafael''': Well, that's why we made him Duel first, right? To test the Pharaoh's strength. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Now why does all these weird stuff always happen to us? ''[Yugi is silent]'' You've gotta admit, it's true. :''[Rebecca runs up to meet Yugi]'' :'''Rebecca''': Yugi! ''[Hugs Yugi]'' :'''Yugi''': ''[Very surprised]'' Uh, hey....you! :'''Rebecca''': Oh no, don't tell me you forgot about me already! :'''Tristan''': Yet another weird event to add to the list. :'''Joey''': And this one tops them all. :'''Tristan''': It's probably best if we don't interfere! :'''Tea''': ''[Leaning towards Yugi]'' Do you know this person, Yugi? :'''Yugi''': Um, I don't think so. :'''Rebecca''': Maybe this will refresh your memory! ''[Holds up a card]'' :'''Yugi''': ''[After flashback]'' Ah, Rebecca! :'''Joey''': It's that brat! :'''Rebecca''': Hi! ''[Big smile; waves her hand]'' :'''Joey''': Wait, she looks different. Did she get a haircut or something? :'''Tristan''': No dude, she traded her teddy bear for glasses. :'''Rebecca''': ''[Hugs Yugi]'' I don't need a bear... now that I've got a boyfriend to protect me! :'''Tea''': Um, excuse me? A boyfriend!? :'''Rebecca''': ''[Another hug]'' My grandpa is also really excited to see you Yugi! :'''Yugi''': Professor Hawkins? :'''Rebecca''': Yeah, he's waiting at the Museum. :'''Tea''': Grrr... ''[Anime vein throb]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arthur''': Remarkable, Isn't it? :'''Solomon''': That's my boy. :'''Yugi''': Hey, guys! :'''Arthur''': Yugi Muto. You're just the person I need to see. I have a theory that all of these monster sightings have something to do with you. :'''Yugi''': Huh. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': Here we are, gang, Home, sweet home. :'''Rafael''': Wait til the boss hears we found the Pharaoh. ===''Legend of the Dragons'' [4.03]=== :'''Rafael''': We located the Pharaoh, Master. Unfortunately, we weren't able to capture his soul. :'''Dartz''': I didn't expect you to defeat him this soon. We've just begun. :'''Rafael''': But you know me, Master. I never come back empty handed. ''[walks forward with a small wooden box, and opens it to reveal the three Egyptian God Cards inside]'' :'''Dartz''': Excellent, the Egyptian Gods. ''[reaches out and takes the three cards in his hand]'' At long last. I've waited an eternity to hold their power in my hands. ''[the cards begin glowing]'' I finally possess the supreme force necessary to awaken the Great Beast! ''[walks to the altar at the far end of the temple]'' Soon we shall rid the Earth of mankind, and rebuild civilization as it once was! ''[places the Egyptian God Cards in the mouths of three huge stone serpents, with Ra in the middle, Slifer on the right and Obelisk on the left]'' Serpents of the Orichalcos, please hear my call! ''[raises his hands in worship]'' I offer thee the Gods of Egypt! Use their divine might to unlock the sacred chamber of the Great Beast! Awaken him from his ancient slumber by accepting my offering! :''[Dartz laughs evilly as the three cards emanate a powerful beam of energy, which then shoots up past the temple roof and into the sky, culminating in an explosion of white light which clears to reveal an array of multicoloured lights floating in the sky]'' :'''Dartz''': The time has arrived, my friends. Finally, after ten thousand years, the Great Leviathan shall rise again! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dark Magician Girl''': We’ve only just begun. The great beast is still weak so he retreated for the moment. And for that my companions and I are truly my Pharaoh. But many of us remain prisoners on the other side. :'''Yugi''': What’s next? :'''Dark Magician Girl''': The great beast will return again… and his power will grow! He must be stopped before he is fully restored! Time is running out! ===''The Creator Returns'' [4.04]=== :'''Dartz''': Rafael! :'''Rafael''': Yes, Master Dartz. ''[kneels before Dartz]'' I know what to do. I'll find the Pharaoh. And this time, I'll make sure we drain his power to feed the Great Beast, sir. :'''Dartz''': Why don't you try listening? It's really a wonderful skill. ''[turns around]'' And when you master it, you'll realise that we need more than just the Pharaoh's soul! :'''Alister''': Then we'll deal with the others too. I'll take Kaiba. :'''Valon''': I got my eye on someone too. That feisty little bloke Joey Wheeler. ''[laughs]'' He should be fun to take apart. :'''Alister''': I know why you're after Wheeler. :'''Valon''': Mind your own business, Alister! What about you? Why the sudden interest in Kaiba? :'''Alister''': Look, I have my reasons, Valon. :'''Valon''': Really?! :'''Rafael''': Knock it off! We're in the presence of Master Dartz! :'''Dartz''': The Pharaoh and his friends are on his way to speak with the one we've been watching. Just make certain that you reach him before they do. :'''Rafael''': Pegasus? :'''Dartz''': And to think, I called you a bad listener. Now go see Pegasus at once! :''[Alister and Valon join Rafael in kneeling before Dartz]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': I can’t believe the very monsters I made famous and now terrorising people around the world. Oh. Talk about bad publicity. :'''Mai Valentine''': Do you always talk to yourself like that? :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': ''[turns looks at the window shelf a strange figure is Mai Valentine]'' Huh? :'''Mai Valentine''': You got to get yourself some friends, honey. :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': But how did you get past my security? :'''Mai Valentine''': I guess your office isn’t as secure as you think it is, money bags. :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': I know you, you’re Mai Valentine. Tell me, why did you come here? :'''Mai Valentine''': Good question. I came here to duel you. And to take your soul. :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': '''NO!''' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Yugi and his friends at the airport]'' :'''Yugi''': I'll see you soon, Grandpa. :'''Solomon''': Take care, Yugi. And don't forget to keep your seats upright during takeoff. And don't fill up on peanuts. :'''Yugi''': Sure, bye, Grandpa. :'''Tea Gardner''': Well, we're off. :'''Joey Wheeler''': Thanks for the ride. :'''Solomon''': You kids be careful, now! :''[Weevil and Rex are sneaking to followed Yugi and his friends to hiding in the bag.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pegasus''': Kaiba boy! I missed you! ===''Deja Duel!'' [4.05-06]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Mokuba''': Seto, We're approaching Duelist Kingdom. :'''Seto''': I'll try to make this quick. The less time I spend here, the better. :'''Mokuba''': Me, too. This place has nothing but bad memories. :'''Seto''': Initiate the landing sequence now. :'''Mokuba''': You got it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pegasus''': I just haven't been myself lately. in fact... ''[in Alister's voice]'' I mean that quite literally. :'''Mokuba''': What's going on? :'''Alister''': Surprise! ''[chuckling]'' :''[he rips himself off, revealing Alister]'' :'''Alister''': I've waited for this day for a long time, Kaiba-boy. :'''Seto''': You're gonna pay for tricking me like that! :'''Alister''': ''[as Pegasus' voice]'' Pretty good imitation, right? :'''Seto''': Identify yourself. :'''Alister''': ''[normal voice]'' Alister's the name, Kaiba boy! Now let's duel! ''[activates his chaos duel disk and draws a card]'' Hm. ''[holds up "The Seal of Orichalcos" card]'' This magic card is about to change everything. Activating the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Seto''': What's that? :'''Mokuba''': This is nuts! :'''Seto''': Explain yourself now! :'''Alister''': Oh, as if you're gonna believe me? :'''Seto''': Try me. :'''Alister''': We're trapped in here till the duel's over. Then once I crush you, I'll be able to get out. Hmm. Of course, you on the other hand won't be quite as lucky as myself Kaiba boy. :'''Seto''': What do you mean? :'''Alister''': When you lose, your soul will be locked away for all eternity... But this time, you won't be set free! :''[To Be Continued...]'' ====Part 2==== :'''Alister''': Let's get on with this. I summon Gorlag in attack mode! And here's a little bonus. :'''Seto''': Your monster just got stronger! But how?! :'''Alister''': Remember the Seal of Orichalcos? As long as it stays active on the field, every one of my monsters gets 500 attack point boost. :'''Seto''': What?! :'''Alister''': You heard me. Plus, my Gorlag gets another 500 points for every fire monster on the field. :'''Seto''': There are none! :'''Alister''': Oh, no? What do you think my Gorlag's made of? Ready, Gorlag? Attack his Versago the Destroyer, now! ''[Gorlag attacks Seto's monster and it reappears on his side of the field]'' :'''Seto''': ''[thinking]'' What's that?! :'''Alister''': Did I forget to mention my Gorlag's ''other'' special ability? Every time he destroys one of my opponent's monsters, that very same monster reappears on ''my'' side of the field-- only this time, it becomes a creature of fire! And you remember what happens when a creature of fire is on the field, right? My Gorlag gets even stronger! It's over for you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alister''': It used to be my brother's! But I'll never see him again… 'cause your father took him away from me! <hr width="50%"/> ===''An Unexpected Enemy'' [4.07]=== :'''Rafael''': Someone out there likes to crash parties. Let's find out who. ''[drives off]'' :'''Valon''': I already know. And I know just where she's going too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Don't we get a "hi"? What's with the silent treatment, Mai. :'''Mai''': I'm not Mai. at least not the Mai you knew. :'''Joey''': What? :'''Mai''': You heard me. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#The Creator Returns (E.4)|she and Pegasus' duel at Industrial Illusions]], flashback ends.]'' Alright, gang. ''[holds up the card is Maximillion Pegasus' soul is captured by the Seal of Orichalcos]'' Say hello to Pegasus. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[shocked]'' What? :'''Tristan''': Whoa... Is that really him? :'''Téa''': Ah... Question: Did you do that to him? :'''Joey''': Look! You better start talking! :'''Valon''': ''[offscreen]'' or else what!? :'''Joey''': Huh? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Joey, Yami Yugi, Téa and Tristan spots at Valon and Rafael on top]'' :'''Valon''': What's the matter, Wheeler, did your little reunion with Mai not go as well as you expected it to do? ''[to Mai]'' And you! Why are you keeping these guys all for yourself, Mai? Why don't you show some manners and share the fun with us? :'''Mai''': Mind your own business, you lackey. These geeks are mine, so deal with it. :'''Joey''': Geeks!? But we're your friends, Mai. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_3)#One_for_the_Road|Joey and Mai after the battle city finals]]]'' Please, Mai! Tell me this is all a joke! You're on ''our'' side, remember?! :'''Tristan''': Great. Mai totally sold ''us'' out! :'''Téa''': No! Mai would never do that! Tell him. You're still ''our'' friend, right? :'''Yami Yugi''': Time to explain yourself. :'''Mai''': I was never a ''part'' of your little playgroup. And now I'm gonna break you apart one-by-one. ''[activates her chaos duel disk]'' And Wheeler… I'm starting with you! :'''Joey''': Fine! :'''Mai''': It's payback time, and it all starts, now! And to think, I was once pathetic enough to call you my friend. But now I know the truth! You were holding me back from achieving true power! So say hello to my real friend… THE SEAL OF ORICHALCOS! This card's done for me than you losers ever could! ''[activates the card, trapping Joey and herself in it]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': No! Not this! :'''Mai''': ''[chuckles sinisterly]'' If you're scared now, just wait till you lose. :'''Joey''': Wake up, Mai! This thing's nothing but bad news! It's messing up your head, big time! Don't you remember everything we've been through together? Just ditch that freaky card, and things can be the way they use to be! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': It's exactly as I feared. The Orichalcos controls her! This duel must end. :'''Téa''': Otherwise, she's gonna do the same thing to Joey that she did to Pegasus! ===''My Freaky Valentine'' [4.08-10]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Mai''': What are you waiting for, Wheeler? :'''Joey''': I'm waiting for you to come to your senses! :'''Tristan''': She's lost it. How can she side with the enemy?! :'''Téa''': It's all because of that Orichalcos thing! :'''Yami-Yugi''': Now, one of them will lose their soul. :'''Téa''': No, you can't do this! Don't you see you're letting that magic card control you, Mai! You're putting your own life in danger! :'''Yugi''': They can't go through with this! We've got to do something! :'''Yami-Yugi''': But the Puzzle is powerless against that seal. :'''Valon''': Ey, Pharaoh! Quit mumblin' to yourself down there, will ya? In case you didn't realize this last time, nothing can break the Seal of Orichalcos! Once it appears, it doesn't disappear until a soul's been captured! :'''Rafael''': And don't think you're off the hook, Pharaoh. As soon as the girl takes your friend's soul, I'm takin' ''yours''. :'''Mai''': Get back in your cage, gorilla boy! When I'm done with Wheeler… Yugi belongs to ''me!'' :'''Yami-Yugi''': But why? :'''Téa''': ''She's'' nuts! :'''Rafael''': I never liked her. No respect. Any more lip from Mai and she's next. :'''Valon''': Aw, give the girl a break, will ya? She's still new at all this, mate. Plus, she's kinda cute when she gets mad, don't ya think? :'''Rafael''': Uh, no. :'''Mai''': When are you gonna make your move, hotshot? This year would be nice. :'''Joey''': What did I say?! ''I'm'' not gonna duel ''against'' you, Mai! :'''Mai''': Afraid you're not good enough? Afraid you're gonna lose like you did in Battle City?! I shoulda known you'd back down! :'''Joey''': Actually, I'm afraid I'm gonna win. 'Cause if I do… You're gonna pay for it by givin' up ''your'' soul! :'''Mai''': I have no soul! :'''Téa''': ''[shocked by what she said]'' You hear that?! :''[Valon whistles]'' :'''Mai''': I told you, the Mai you knew is gone! I traded in her soul for power! The old Mai was too lonely and pathetic. The girl was just holding me back. So I did what I had to! I sent her packing! Now, my weak side's gone for good! :'''Joey''': Well, I happen to have liked the old Mai and I'm gonna get her back! :'''Mai''': I'd like to see you try! :''[Joey activated his duel disk]'' :'''Tristan''': He's gonna go through with this?! :'''Téa''': Be careful, Joey! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mai activates her Nightmare Tri-Mirror trap card to transform the reflection of Joey's Scapegoats into four more Harpie Ladies, thus giving her a total of six Harpies]'' :'''Tristan''': Wait just a second, she can't have six monsters in play! :'''Yami-Yugi''': Remember, Tristan, thanks to the Seal of Orichalcos, Mai is allowed to have up to ''ten'' monsters on the field at once. :'''Tristan''': D'oh! Stupid magic thing! :'''Mai''': Now this is what I call, "girl power!" You're up against six Haripe Ladies all enhanced with the power of my magic card! I place one card facedown on the field. It was nice knowin' ya! I've got six Harpie Ladies and one big magic circle, and we all agree you're in over your head, Wheeler. Lucky for you, it's your move or I'd finish you off right now. So what's it gonna be? :'''Tristan''': There's nothing he can do! Mai backed Joey into a corner and now he's stuck there! :'''Yugi''': Tristan's got a point. If Joey doesn't do something quick, Mai is gonna win the duel! :'''Yami-Yugi''': That's true. And as long as the Seal of Orichalcos is on the field, Mai has all sorts of advantages. It even seems as though there are certain magic and trap cards that only she is allowed to use. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': I summon Panther Warrior in attack mode! Now, I sacrifice one scapegoat so my panther can attack! :'''Mai''': I reveal my facedown card! Harpie Lady Sparrow Formation! :'''Joey''': What?! :'''Mai''': My Harpie Ladies have all joined forces to repel your attack! :'''Tristan''': Mai didn't have that card back in Battle City. :'''Téa''': You're right. :'''Yami-Yugi''': It seems as though she's gone through more than a few changes since the last time we saw her-- including a stronger deck! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Look, Mai... I don't know what kind of spell these guys put on ya but you gotta wake up! Otherwise we're both gonna be in pretty big trouble! :'''Mai''': What spell!? No one's controlling me! ''[looks up on Valon and Rafael]'' Those two lackeys up there couldn't control my left pinky. ''I'' was sick of my life... So I ''chose'' to change it! :''[Téa, Tristan and the Pharaoh gasps and horrifying]'' :'''Joey''': ''[shocked]'' No way! :'''Téa''': How could you!? :'''Mai''': You guys wouldn't understand. You've never been an outsider like me... All alone. Duel monsters is all I have. And after [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 3)|the Battle City tournament]], I set out to become the best. I duel against chump after chump to improve my dueling skills. I needed to make a name for myself. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': I stopped whining like a loser and started taking control! Now nothing can stop me! :'''Joey''': I never knew you felt that way. Why didn't you tell us you were so unhappy? We could've helped you, Mai! :'''Mai''': '''SAVE IT!''' I don't need your kind of help! All I need now is power! And I'm about to unleash all of it on ''you!'' ''[draws]'' I play Harpie Lady Phoenix Formation! Since I have six Harpies on the field, it lets me destroy up to six of your monsters! :'''Tristan''': Hold on! Joey's only got three left! :'''Téa''': That means once Mai's Harpie Ladies attack, he'll be defenseless! :'''Yami-Yugi''': That's not all. Mai's magic card will also subtract the sum of Joey's monsters' attack points from ''his'' Life Points. :'''Mai''': Now, Harpie Ladies… unite and destroy every one of his monsters! Say goodbye to your three monsters, Wheeler! Someone is one attack away from losing their soul and I don't think it's me, sweetheart. Any last requests? :'''Tristan''': Mai's got 4000 points! She hasn't even lost one! And Joey's down to his last 200! Not to mention the fact that he's out of monsters! :'''Téa''': If he doesn't think of something right now, he's gonna lose the duel! ====Part 2==== :'''Yugi''': There is a way for Joey to end this duel without someone getting hurt, isn't there? :'''Yami-Yugi''': Yes, but it won't be easy. The Seal of Orichalcos is powerful. However, it does have limitations. It can only capture a soul when a duelist loses, and there it lies the secret to escaping its wrath. :'''Yugi''': I don't get it. :'''Yami-Yugi''': Let's hope Joey does. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': ''[spots at Weevil and Rex outside]'' It's a regalia party, What are you guys doing here? :'''Weevil''': It's that magic circle! :'''Rex''': Yeah! The same one we were trapped in! :'''Mai''': I sacrifice my two Harpies! That allows me to summon Harpie's Pet Dragon! And thanks to the Seal of Orichalcos, it gets 500 more points! Plus, it gets another 300 points for every Harpie I have on the field! :'''Yami-Yugi''': Now it has 3,400 points! :'''Mai''': It's been nice knowing ya, Wheeler! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Joey picked his own trap card in the middle, canceling Mai's attack]'' :'''Joey''': YEAH! Bingo, baby! :'''Tristan''': I knew he could do it! :'''Téa''': You go! :'''Weevil''': Now that's luck. :'''Rex''': Yeah, next time I play Bingo, I'm bringin' him! :'''Valon''': Well, there goes your theory. :'''Joey''': Looks like your last attack didn't work. So I'm still in the game! :'''Mai''': For now, maybe. :'''Téa''': That's cool. At least Joey bought himself a little time. :'''Yami-Yugi''': Yes, but it did come with a price, Téa. :'''Mai''': Impressive. But your little maneuver helped me out, too. :'''Joey''': Yeah, I know. Now you get to put the two cards you picked at the top of your deck. :'''Téa''': Oh, no! Now she can use those two cards again! :'''Yami-Yugi''': Harpie Lady Phoenix Formation and Harpie Sparrow Formation. Those are two of Mai's most powerful cards! :'''Mai''': You may have stopped my attack but my turn's not over. Next, I'll move one of my Harpie Ladies to my rear defense. And then, I'll place two cards facedown and end my turn. :'''Joey''': ''[thinking]'' I've got one more shot to do this, but I'm all out of ideas! ====Part 3==== :'''Rafael''': Valon, what are you doing!? :'''Valon''': With this fragment of the Orichalcos stone… I unlock the seal! :'''Rafael''': No! ''[jumps down]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami-Yugi''': Joey, are you alright. Joey! :'''Tristan''': Oh man. :'''Téa''': Why did he do that? :'''Rafael''': What were you thinking, Valon? You betrayed Master Dartz and risked your own soul! And you mean to tell me you did all that so you just saved some girl, Valon. :'''Valon''': She's not just some ''girl'', Rafael! :'''Rafael''': Would ''you'' listen to yourself, Valon!? ''[growls]'' I'll make up for this… By taken ''your'' soul, Pharaoh. The power around my neck puts your Puzzle to shame. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami-Yugi''': Joey! :'''Tristan''': You're okay, man! :'''Téa''': Joey! :'''Tristan''': Don't give up on us now. :'''Téa''': Joey. :'''Joey''': Where's Mai? Did those punks take her? :'''Téa''': I guess so. :'''Tristan''': Yeah. She gone. :'''Joey''': ''[gasps]'' Oh no, I was so close. ''[groans]'' I'LL GET YOU BACK, MAI! ===''The Challenge'' [4.11]=== :'''Seto Kaiba''': No way! My mind must be playing tricks on me! :'''Joey Wheeler''': I doubt that. My card seens to be doing the same thing, Kaiba! :'''Yami Yugi''': It feels as though these three dragons are calling out to us. :'''All''': Uhh! :'''Yami Yugi''': I was told that fate had chosen three modern-day warriors to release these legendary beasts. :'''Kaiba''': Chosen by fate? Get real. I'm the one who decides my fate, Yugi! Not some fairy tale about mythical dragons and giant man-eating monsters. :'''Yami Yugi''': Be reasonable for once! The world needs us! We do this as a team! :'''Kaiba''': Sorry... I don't do the teamwork thing. :'''Yami Yugi''': Listen! :'''Kaiba''': You geeks have wasted enough of my time already. I have a multi-million dollar company to run. Playtime's over. :'''Yami Yugi''': Kaiba! :'''Mokuba''': Seto.... wait up! :'''Joey''': We don't need him weighing us down anyway. With good old Hermos over here those hoodlums won't stand a chance. :'''Tristan''': Someone's back to their old self again. About time. :'''Joey''': It took me a while, but I realized being bummed out about Mai's not gonna bring her back. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': ''[angrily]'' What were ''you'' thinking?! I was just about to finish off Wheeler, and then you had butt in and ruin everything! :'''Rafael''': You're a real piece a work. He saved your soul, and this is how you repay him? :'''Mai''': Who asked to be saved?! Maybe next time, He'll learn to butt out! :'''Rafael''': Next time... We'll just let you lose. :'''Valon''': That's enough, mate, I'm fine! :'''Mai''': Yeah, Clam up, or you'll end up just like your friend here. :'''Rafael''': ''[stands up]'' ''You'' have no idea the danger you were in. :'''Mai''': Huh? :'''Rafael''': Do you remember that Hermos card Wheeler played? It's an ancient dragon that can only be controlled by a chosen duelist. :'''Mai''': Ha! Yeah, ''he'' was chosen all right! Chosen to have that scrawny butt of his kicked by a real duelist! Humph. ''[hops on Valon's motorcycle]'' Later, losers! ''[droves off]'' :'''Valon''': Hey, wait! That's mine! ''[coughs]'' :'''Mai''': ''[thinking]'' ''You'' won't escape me this time, Wheeler. :'''Valon''': I can't let Mai get hurt. I gotta stop her. :'''Rafael''': Forget about her, Valon. Let's focus on the Pharaoh. :'''Valon''': But Master Dartz said to wait. :'''Rafael''': Yeah, Well, Master Dartz doesn't always know what's best. I should take the strongest soul first. Once I get him out of the way, The others will fall right into my hands, one by one. :'''Valon''': But how do you know the Pharaoh will duel? :'''Rafael''': Because my plan is already in place. It's only a matter of time. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': A duel monster's card? ''[spots a note from Rafael and gasps]'' GRANDPA! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': You sure this is the place? :'''Yugi''': Professor Hawkins! Rebecca! :'''Rebecca''': Yugi. :'''Yugi''': Rebecca. What happened here? :'''Rebecca''': ''[in tears]'' Yugi… they tooked him. ''[starts to cries]'' My poor Grandpa! ''[sobbing]'' It’s not fair! He didn’t hurt anyone! :'''Yugi''': We’re gonna find him… I promise. :'''Rebecca''': Thank you. Who would do something like this?! <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi''': Oh, no! How far away is [[w:Death Valley|Death Valley]]? :'''Rebecca''': Well if we use Duke's car, it shouldn’t take us more than an hour or so. :'''Yugi''': Sorry, Rebecca… But I have to go alone. :'''Rebecca''': Why? :'''Yugi''': I’ve put you and your family in enough danger already. :'''Rebecca''': Uh-uh. Don’t be silly, Yugi. None of this is your fault at all. :'''Yugi''': Thanks, Rebecca. But It’s me they want, and you’ll be much safer here. And please, don’t tell Joey, Tristan, Téa and the other guys where I’m about to go, OK? :'''Rebecca''': But why? :'''Yugi''': I don’t want them to follow me there. :'''Weevil''': Interesting. :'''Rex and Weevil''': ''[looks at each other]'' Hmm? <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi''': Ready, Copernicus. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arthur''': Rebecca, Where's Yugi? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': We’ll keep an eye out on Rex and Weevil, I don’t trust those two. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Weevil''': We can't miss the showdown between Yugi and those guys. I have to find out how they made Mai into such a strong duelist. :'''Rex''': Can't we take a quick snack break? :''[Weevil and Rex spots Yami Yugi riding on Copernicus]'' :'''Weevil''': It's Yugi, he's getting ahead! :'''Rex''': No put the pedal to the metal! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': ''[looks after her grandfather was asleep and holds Ties of Friendship card what Yugi gives her]'' Be careful, Yugi. Please. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': I'm ready for you, Pharaoh. Thanks to my deck... and the power it holds. ===''Fate of the Pharaoh'' [4.12-14]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Rafael''': Very impressive, cowboy, But You'll need more than a few rodeo tricks to get yourself outta this. ''[Pharaoh crossing the bridge]'' You see, While my associates are satisfied with stealing the souls of your friends, I'm not. :'''Yami Yugi''': I did my part. Now you release the Professor Arthur Hawkins as you promised. :'''Rafael''': He's already been set free, but since you've come all this way, you might as well stay awhile. ''[?]'' So you're gonna stick around, right? 'Cause like I said before, Pharaoh, your friends aren't good enough. I need to capture the soul of the pharaoh himself so I can save the world. :'''Yami Yugi''': Save the world? Don't you see that what you're doing is going to ''destroy'' the world? or are you so insane that you can't tell the difference? :'''Rafael''': I'm just fine. It's you who's blind to what's going on. You're fighting on the wrong side. :'''Yami Yugi''': Explain yourself. :'''Rafael''': This world's a dark and lonely place to live. It's been poisoned by mankind. All I'm trying to do is fix what's been ruined by people like you, and I'll do it by locking your spirit away for good. :'''Yami Yugi''': Who do you think you are? :'''Rafael''': Look, The name's Rafael, and I called you here to duel, not shoot the breeze. I've waited for this moment long enough and I have no intention of putting our fight off for another minute, so let's go. :'''Yami Yugi''': You've given me no choice. But know this, in the end righteousness will prevail and justice shall be served. ''[activates his KC mass production duel disk]'' :'''Rafael''': That's just what I'm hoping for. ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' :'''Pharaoh and Rafael''': Let's duel! ''[their life points to 4000]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rex Raptor''': Hey Weevil, Check it out. :'''Weevil Underwood''': Yugi started dueling already. ====Part 2==== :'''Rafael''': Well, for starters, He's a better leader than you were. That's right Pharaoh. My master told me all about your history as the king of Eqypt; How you ruled as an evil dictator using the power of the shadow realm to control your subjects. :'''Yami Yugi''': Wake up. ''He'' lied. :'''Rafael''': How would you know? You have no memory of your past. So isn't it possible that you're responsible for the destruction of Egypt?! Think about it! :'''Yami Yugi''': It can't be. I know I was a worthy pharaoh. I'm the one who locked the dark magic away! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh, no! :'''Yami Yugi''': Let go! :'''Yugi''': No! You don't know what you're doing! :'''Yami Yugi''': Let go! :'''Yugi''': Listen to me! This card is affecting your mind! :'''Yami Yugi''': We're going to lose the duel! Can't you see?! Trust me! It's the only way, Yugi! We must do this! Now let me go! :'''Yugi''': Please don't play that card! :'''Yami Yugi''': Now I activate the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Rafael''': ''[thinking]'' ''Excellent''. :''[The Pharaoh activates the card]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''What have I done?'' :'''Yugi''': No! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Do you guys see what I see!? :'''Tristan''': Is that light what I think it is!? :'''Joey''': The Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Rafael''': Nice work, Pharaoh. I knew you had it in you. Now, let's see what the Orichalcos reveals about you. Are you good or are you evil? So, tell me. How do ya feel? ''[laughing]'' :''[To Be Continued...]'' ====Part 3==== :'''Yami Yugi''': What have you done to my dragon!? :'''Rafael''': It's not what I've done.... It's what ''you've'' done by playing that magic card. Guess I should warned ya. Timaeus and the Orichalcos don't mix. But at least your dark side's been set free. :'''Yami Yugi''': What have I unleashed? ''[screaming]'' You were a fool to hand me this card! For when you lose, you soul will be for all eternity where it belongs! Now I activate Hand Control! All I need to do is correctly guess the name of a card in your hand and I can activate it! And since I gave you the necromancy card, I know you're holding it! Now it's mine! Ha! Necromancy allows me to bring four monsters back from my graveyard! So return to me Big Shield Gardna... Berfomet... Gazelle the king of mythical beasts... and Kuribabylon! Next I'll sacrifice Gazelle and Berfomet so I can summon my Dark Magician! Then I'll separate my Kuribabylon into the five Kuriboh brothers I used to create it! Now my monsters, feel the power of the orichalcos! <hr width50%> :'''Yugi''': Hey, where am I? The Seal of Oricahlcos! No! ''He'' played it! What have you done, Pharaoh? <hr width50%> :'''Joey''': YUGI! :'''Tristan''': No way, dude! :'''Joey''': What's going on? Why's that oricahlcos thingy on Yugi's forehead. :''[Joey, Tristan and Duke jumped in next Weevil and Rex.]'' :'''Rex''': You guys just missed the best part. :'''Duke''': Yeah? Then why don't you two fill us in. :'''Tristan''': I don't trust these twerps as far as I can throw 'em. :'''Joey''': Hey! ''[grubs Weevil]'' My best buddy's got that freaky ding on his head and I want answers now! :'''Weevil''': Why don't you take your paws off of me and try asking nicely! :'''Joey''': Wrong answer. Now it's go time! :'''Weevil''': Don't hurt me, Don't hurt me... :'''Rex''': It's the Seal of Oricahlcos! :'''Weevil''': ...Don't hurt me, Don't hurt me... :'''Rex''': Yugi got it from that big muscle guy and then activated it! :'''Weevil''': ...Don't hurt me, Don't hurt me. :''[Joey lets go off Weevil and he, Tristan and Duke gasps sees Yami Yugi faces Rafael and he using that evil spell card in horrified and Weevil panting.]'' :'''Joey''': Yugi ''wouldn't'' do that! He knows that card is ''evil!'' :''[The Pharaoh growls as the Orichalcos appears on his forehead]'' <hr width50%> :'''Weevil''': Alright, guys, If Yugi loses I call dibs on his Dark Magician. :'''Rex''': That's not cool. Why don't you show some compassion for a change... and let me take his Dark Magician. :'''Joey''': Watch it! <hr width50%> :'''Joey''': That doesn't sound like to Yugi I know. Come on pal... Snap out of it! <hr width50%> :''[In the far corners of Yugi's subconscious mind]'' :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh, NO! The Seal of Orichalcos is in play! So the monsters on the field are real! Please don't sacrifice the Dark Magician Girl! <hr width50%> :'''Tristan''': Earth to Joey, are you there, man? :'''Joey''': I'm here, but Yug's not. he's brainwashed! :'''Tristan''': Say what?! :''[Duke gasps]'' :'''Joey''': He's sacrificing his monsters left and right and talking about "power." That's not Yugi's style a duelin' at all! That oricahlcos ding is messin' with his head! Just like it did to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|Mai!]] :''[In the far corners of Yugi's subconscious mind]'' :'''Yugi''': ''[in tears]'' How could ''he'' do this? That card is evil. I warned him. <hr width50%> :'''Rafael''': You let your rage take over. Now look into the eyes of your monsters! :'''Yami Yugi''': Please forgive me for what I've done to you! <hr width50%> :'''Rafael''': Guardian Eatos, destroy his monsters and the rest of his life points! <hr width50%> :'''Yami Yugi''': '''NO!''' :'''Rex''': No way! Yugi actually lost! :'''Duke''': This can't be! :'''Tristan''': Oh man! :'''Joey''': Yugi! :''[In the far corners of Yugi's subconscious mind]'' :'''Yugi''': If he lost the duel. Then he'll loses his soul! :'''Rafael''': ''[laughing]'' Time for you to pay up, Pharaoh. The Seal of Oricahlcos never leaves the field without taking something along for the ride. And this time it's you, and you have yourself to blame 'cause you sealed your own fate when you played that card. Now your life-force will awaken the Great Beast. :''[In the far corners of Yugi's subconscious mind]'' :'''Yugi''': Not if I can help! With all the power of the Millennium Puzzle, I break the Seal! <hr width50%> :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh, I won't let his happen to you! :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi, no! What are you doing here!? :'''Yugi''': It only needs one of us. So I'm letting the Seal take ME instead. :'''Yami Yugi''': NO! YUGI! <hr width50%> :'''Rafael''': Adios, Your Highness. :''[The Pharaoh collapses]'' :'''Joey''': Hey! You alright pal!? :'''Weevil''': I doubt it. :'''Rex''': Yeah Ditto. :'''Duke''': This is nuts. :'''Tristan''': Come on, pal. :'''Joey''': Yugi, Get up! Please, Yug! :'''Rafael''': You won't be needing these anymore. <hr width50%> :'''Weevil''': Ha! Hey, Rex. :'''Rex''': I know exactly what you're thinking. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Pharaoh wakes up]'' :'''Tristan''': He's awake! :'''Joey''': I knew you outsmart that big goon. So How'd ya Yug, How did you escape. ''[sees the Pharaoh crying]'' Everything alright pal? :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[in tears]'' No, Joey. It's far from alright. I didn't outsmart him. He succeeded. Yugi's gone. :'''Joey/Tristan/Duke''': Whoa! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Great Leviathan, Please accept my latest offering. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': I don't get it. How can you be talkin' to us if ''he'' took your soul? :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[in tears]'' Not mine! Yugi's! IT'S ALL MY FAULT! YUGI, COME BACK! IT SHOULD'VE BEEN ME, NOT HIM! IT'S NOT FAIR! ===''Trial by Stone'' [4.15]=== :''[Rex and Weevil followed Rafael on the helicopter]'' :'''Rex''': He's getting away! We have to get our hands on one of those orichalcos magic cards. Just a little more! :'''Rex and Weevil''': ''[screaming]'' :'''Rex''': This is all your fault! Help! Mommy, I'm falling! :'''Rafael''': Oh, great. :'''Rex and Weevil''': Huh?! phew. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tea''': How'd it go? Is everything OK? :'''Joey''': Not quite. We got a problem guys. :'''Tea''': What do you mean? :'''Duke''': Yugi didn't win. :'''Tristan''': He's gone. :'''Tea''': Wha- :'''Tristan''': You heard me. Yugi got beat, Tea! :'''Tea''': You're wrong! If Yugi really lost that duel, those creeps would have taken his soul with their freaky magic card, Tristan! :'''Joey''': So what's your point, Tea? :'''Tea''': My point!? If he's lost how can he be standing right... ''[gasps and turns around looks at the Pharaoh]'' behind me? Oh no. :'''Rebecca''': Yugi, talk to me. What's wrong!? Why are you acting so strange!? :'''Yami Yugi''': Rebecca, they got him. :'''Rebecca''': Got who? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi. ''[Flashes back to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|their last duel as the Seal took Yugi instead]].]'' I know. This whole thing's my fault. I'm the one who unleashed the magic that took Yugi away. :'''Rebecca''': You knew that card was evil and you still played it!? If you really were a brave pharaoh, you would never have done something like that to poor, little Yugi! :'''Tea''': Now hold on. :'''Rebecca''': Oh, Tea! ''[sobbing]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm afraid Rebecca's right. :'''Tea''': Huh? :'''Joey''': What's done is done. :'''Yami Yugi''': I let everyone down. Especially Yugi. He warned me not to play the Seal of Oricalcos card, but my rage took control. ''[Flashes back to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|their first duel, the Pharaoh activated The Seal of Oricalcos card]].]'' He paid for my mistake. :'''Joey''': You got to ''snap'' outta this! :'''Yami Yugi''': He's gone, and it's all my fault. :'''Joey''': Get a grip, man! :'''Téa''': Joey! :'''Joey''': If we're gonna rescue Yugi, We gotta move ahead, not look back, So pull yourself together! What we gotta do now is find out who this Dartz guy is and where ''he'' keeps all these souls! :'''Duke''': I've been suggesting we do that since day one, but nobody listens to me. :'''Tristan''': Stop thinking about yourself for once, Duke! :'''Duke''': Down, boy. Heel! :'''Yami Yugi''': Let him go, Tristan! :'''Tristan''': Huh? :'''Yami Yugi''': This happened because I couldn't control my anger, and if we keep fighting amongst ourselves, the orichalcos will destroy us. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': You’re about to meet our master, so don’t anything to stupid. :'''Alister''': Yeah, He doesn’t have as much patience as we do. :'''Rex and Weevil''': gulped. :''[They opened the door]'' :'''Rafael''': Mission accomplished, Master. :'''Weevil''': We're gonna become super villains. :''[Rex and Weevil giggling]'' :'''Rafael''': You'll be happy to know the strongest soul on Earth has been captured, Master Dartz. :'''Dartz''': Ah, yes. The Pharaoh. :'''Weevil''': Pharaoh? :'''Rex''': What pharaoh? :'''Dartz''': Unfortunately, you failed again. ''[chair turns around wears a suit]'' :'''Valon''': ''[walks in with an arm in sling]'' That's right. The soul of the Pharaoh is still out there, Rafael. :'''Rafael''': ''[shocked]'' What?! :'''Alister''': ''[shocked]'' Huh?! :'''Dartz''': Now watch and learn. :''[Weevil whimping]'' :'''Rex''': What's that? :'''Dartz''': The Pharaoh's [[w:Rebirth|spirit inhabits the body]] of a young man. And what we have here is a clear case of mistaken identity. :''[Camera zooming towards image of Yugi Muto in stone]'' :'''Rex''': ''[shocked]'' No way! :'''Weevil''': ''[shocked]'' Yugi?! :'''Valon''': Instead of the Pharaoh, ''you'' got the soul of some kid! :'''Rafael''': I still don't understand. :'''Dartz''': Then you need to clean out your ears, you oversized baboon. Both of their spirits inhabit one body! Get it!? ''You'' captured the wrong soul! :'''Rafael''': But how!? I’m pretty sure ''I'' was dueling the Pharaoh! So the Orichcalos should have sealed him! :'''Dartz''': Well, apparently you're not as perceptive as you think you are because ''he'' got away! :'''Rafael''': That Punk! :'''Dartz''': There's no ''one'' to blame but ''yourself''! :'''Rafael''': I can fixed this, If you’ll let me. :'''Weevil''': Hey! :'''Valon, Dartz, Rafael and Alister''': ''[spots at Rex Raptor and Weevil Underwood]'' Huh? :'''Weevil''': Let's go! :'''Rex''': Go where? :''[Rex and Weevil run to Valon, Dartz, Rafael and Alister and knees on]'' :'''Weevil''': Might I suggest something, sir? :'''Rex''': Like a better hideout? :'''Weevil''': Quiet! ''[bangs Rex's head]'' :'''Rex''': Ow! I'm just trying to be helpful. :'''Dartz''': Who are these two? :'''Rex''': Haven't you heard of us? Former regional duel monsters champions? :'''Rafael''': They're just a couple of wanna-be duelists who followed us here. They probably never even played the game. :'''Weevil''': Never played the game?! :'''Rex''': Wanna-bes?! We're great duelists, but we came here to become even better. :'''Weevil''': Yugi and his friends have been making fools of us for years. ''[flashbacks to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 1)#The Ultimate Great Moth|Yugi and Weevil's duel with the Summoned Skull and The Great Moth in defeat,]] and then [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 1)#Trial by Red-Eyes|Joey and Rex's duel with a Time Wizard and Red Eyes Black Dragon in defeat]] at Duelist Kingdom. flashback ends]'' Before ''they'' showed up, we ''ruled the duels.'' But lately it seems like we're just the butt of everyone's jokes. :'''Rex''': And no ''one'' likes being a butt. :'''Weevil''': Uh, What he means is, we want nothing more than to have our revenge. So, please, mister Dartz, sir, share your dueling secrets with us and we'll help you get what you want. :'''Rex''': Please! :'''Dartz''': It won't be easy. The Pharaoh and his little friends wield the power of the legendary dragons. How do you intend to fight against cards like those? :'''Weevil''': That's exactly why we need your help, sir. :'''Rex''': Yeah, Weevil and I need the seal of orichalcos. :'''Dartz''': You know, Before I share my power with you, I have to make sure you're worthy. :'''Weevil''': Give us a chance to prove it. :'''Rex''': We'll do anything. :'''Dartz''': Very well. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Deliver to me the soul of the Pharaoh and his companion young Joseph Wheeler. The Orichcalos is with you. Used it correctly and victory is yours. :'''Rex and Weevil''': Yes, sir. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Back inside the caravan]'' :'''Joey''': So they wanna rule the world. We've dealt with that before. :'''Yami Yugi''': No, Joey, this time things are different. :'''Tristan''': Yeah, They're not just talking about wiping out all life on earth, they're doing it! :'''Joey''': But we know how to stop 'em. :'''Tristan''': Huh? :'''Joey''': We got to go straight to the source and destroy that secret weapon of theirs. :'''Tea''': You mean [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Legend_of_the_Dragons|that weird monster-zapper in the sky?]] :'''Tristan''': Unfortunately, that thing's after more than just monsters. it's using human souls to power itself up so it can wipe out the rest of us. :'''Joey''': Yeah, and right now that thing's got Yugi, so I don't know about you, but I'm not gonna stand here twiddling my thumbs. I'm gonna take action. :'''Tea''': Look, Joey, I wanna help Yugi too, but we can't just fight this thing by ourselves. We need help. :'''Rebecca''': No, Tea. :'''Tea''': Huh? :'''Rebecca''': In case you forgot, Those jerks burned down my grandpa's laboratory and destroyed all his research. And without any hard evidence, there's no way anyone's gonna believe our story. :'''Tea''': But we have proof. It's all down in those underwater ruins. :'''Rebecca''': Whatever was there won't be of any help to us now. The ruins are gone, guys. :'''Tea''': Someone ruined the ruins? :'''Duke''': They're one step ahead of us. :'''Arthur''': ''[opens the door]'' Don't give up so easily. :'''Rebecca''': Gramps, you're awake. :'''Tea''': Yeah, shouldn't you be resting? :'''Arthur''': I'll be fine. Anyway who could sleep with you kids chit chatting all day? Besides, I can help you find the information you need. You're right about looking to the ruins for answers. :'''Yami Yugi''': So did you discover anything more about these thugs? :'''Arthur''': Well, I can't be sure, but based on the inscriptions I found, there's a good chance these fellows are descendants of Atlantis, an ancient continent said to have disappeared into the ocean thousands of years ago without a trace. :'''Tea''': Are you sure? :'''Duke''': Professor, If your hunch is right, Why would these people want to destroy what was left of their ancestors' city? :'''Arthur''': They must be trying to hide something. Those ruins revealed the history of Atlantis, and it's not a pleasant one. They must what to keep it a secret. :'''Yami Yugi''': How much of this history do you know? :'''Arthur''': Thousands of years ago, Atlantis was home to the most advanced civilization the world had ever known. It truly was a paradise on earth, a land of eternal tranquility where everyone lived in peace until one day, when a dreadful creature was called forth from the depths of the earth by an evil king. :'''Yami Yugi''': An evil king? Oh, no. ''[Flashes back to their first duel, Rafael told Pharaoh heard about the Pharaoh are the one responsible for the destroy Egypt.]'' :'''Tea''': ''[worried]'' What's wrong? Are you OK? :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm fine. :'''Arthur''': It seems this power hungry king drew his evil strength from a mysterious stone, and this stone drew it's strength from another world. :'''Joey''': It's that rock they wear on their neck, Isn't it? :'''Arthur''': I'm not sure. That's all I was able to translate. :'''Joey''': NO! :'''Tristan''': Chill out, man. you'll blow a gasket. :'''Joey''': You guys don't get it, do you? Those Atlantis freaks are trying to cover something up about this ancient mega-monster. :'''Duke''': Of course. There was probably something written in those ruins about how to destroy that thing before it destroys us. :'''Tristan''': I get it. Hey, Joey, I guess you had your good idea for the year. :'''Arthur''': The ruins may have been destroyed, but there are copies of the inscriptions at a museum. It's in [[Florida]], where I was doing my underwater research. :'''Tea''': Perfect. So all we have to do is go there and translate the rest. :'''Arthur''': Mm-hmm. :'''Joey''': What are we waiting for? Let's head to sunshine state and find out the secret to defeating these guys and saving Yugi, right? :'''Tristan''': I'm right behind ya, man! Goodbye to Death Valley, Hello to fun in the sun. :'''Duke''': That's great. Just one question: How are we supposed to get there? :'''Tristan''': We're doomed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kaiba''': ''[after hearing what happened to Yugi over the phone]'' YUGI LOST?! Yugi gave up his Duel Monsters crown to some nobody?! No one deserves that title but me! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[calmly]'' Hold on. :'''Kaiba''': I don't wanna hear another word! You're a disgrace to the game, Yugi! ''[hangs up]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': I'll book our flights and we'll take a train to the airport. I just hope we can save Yugi before it's too late. ===''On the Wrong Track'' [4.16-18]=== ====Part 1==== :''[at the train station]'' :'''Téa''': How this train ride anyway? :'''Joey''': Too long. :'''Téa''': ''[sighs]'' Any chance you wanna go instead of me, Duke? :'''Duke''': No can do, Téa. I gotta stick with Professor Hawkins in case those biker punks come back. :'''Tristan''': Duke's right. Plus he's gonna keep an eye on Rebecca too. :''[Flashback to Rebecca and Arthur see Pharaoh and his friends leaving]'' :'''Rebecca''': I wanna go too! They need a brain like mine to figure out how to save Yugi! Please!? :'''Arthur''': It's too dangerous. And the Pharaoh has enough on his mind already. :'''Rebecca''': Huh? :'''Arthur''': The last thing he needs is the responsibility of looking after you. His closest friend in the world's been taken from him. :'''Rebecca''': ''[cries ran back to the caravan]'' You don't understand anything, Grandpa! :'''Arthur''': Rebecca, wait! It's for your own good! :''[the flashback ends]'' :'''Duke''': You better get on the train before you miss your ride. :'''Joey''': We got plenty of time. :'''Tristan''': No, we don’t. :'''Joey''': Like I said "All Aboard!" :'''Téa''': Take care, Duke. :''[Joey, Tristan, Pharaoh and Téa are onboard the train carriages as the train horns blares and the train departed from the station as Duke waves to them.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Téa''': Come on, you gotta cheer up. I promise we'll get Yugi back. But in the meantime, you can't just sit around moping. It might feel better to talk about it. We can even come up with a plan together. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[sighs, gets up the seat and sadly walked off alone]'' Sorry Téa. :'''Téa''': Poor guy. ''[watches the Pharaoh walked off alone feeling sad after he lost the duel with Rafael]'' :'''Tristan''': Just let him go, Téa. :'''Téa''': Huh? :'''Tristan''': I think he needs to be alone for a while you know? :'''Joey''': He's already alone. :'''Téa and Tristan''': Huh? :'''Joey''': Isn't that the whole problem? He’s crushed. But he’ll be alright soon enough. ‘Cause we’re going to rescue Yugi, right guys? :'''Téa''': There’s no doubt. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' How could ''I'' have been so selfish? I gave in to the darkness within my heart... and Yugi paid the price. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|their last duel with Rafael as the Seal took Yugi instead]].]'' I've lost him forever. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tea''': ''[sighs]'' He's been gone for a while. :'''Tristan''': ''[notices the passengers are empty]'' Hey, Hold on. He's not the only one! :'''Joey''': Huh? :'''Tristan''': Call me crazy. But wasn't this train completely filled with passengers just a minute ago?! What's the deal!? How can a train full of people all of a sudden be empty!? :'''Joey''': What?! :''[Joey and Tea sees passengers are empty]'' :'''Tea''': Alright. Now I'm officially freaked out! :''[back at Dartz's lair]'' :'''Dartz''': ''[evilly laughter]'' A vacant train is the least of your problems, my young friends. I'm just getting warmed up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tea''': There you are. :'''Yami Yugi''': Huh? :'''Joey''': 'Case you haven't noticed, Something weird's going on. :'''Tristan''': If you asked me. I'd say this whole train ride is another trap. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[gasp]'' :'''Joey''': I'm sure those same slime balls are behind this. and I bet they're onboard. :'''Tristan''': Well what are we standing here for? Let's get 'em! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': Pharaoh! Tea! Whatta we do now!? :'''Yami Yugi''': Get help! :'''Tea''': Come on, we have to find a way to stop this train! :'''Tristan''': Hey, we're slowing down! You heard 'em. we gotta get help. :'''Joey''': I know... but there's a problem. ''[he and Tristan jumps off the rail coaches]'' We're in the middle of nowhere! and we don't even know those two are gonna end up. Bye, guys. Hang in there. :'''Tristan''': I guess it's just you and me now. :'''Joey''': Hmm ''[sees Rex appears snickers in the railcar with his chaos duel disk on.]'' Huh? Rex!? What are you doing here? :'''Rex Raptor''': ''[jumps off the rail coaches and walks towards Joey and Tristan]'' I still have a score to settle with you, Wheeler. Remember? You tooked my Red Eyes Black Dragon. :'''Joey''': Rex, This is not the time. :'''Rex''': It’s the perfect time for revenge. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[sees Weevil appears on top of this train with his chaos duel disk on]'' Weevil Underwood! Are you behind this!? You'd better start explaining yourself! :'''Tea Gardner''': Weevil? What are you what with us, worm boy! :'''Weevil Underwood''': What are you think I what? A rematched with the king of games! :'''Tea Gardner''': Are you nuts!? :'''Weevil Underwood''': I'm just in the mood for a friendly duel. :'''Yami Yugi''': Weevil, Who put you up to this? :'''Weevil Underwood''': No one did. I figured this was a good time to test out my new secret weapon, that's all. :'''Tristan Taylor''': Is that magic rock the professor told us about it! Where did you find that thing, Raptor!? :'''Joey Wheeler''': I knew it! ''He's'' working for ''them!'' :''[back on the train]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': You've been brainwashed, Weevil! :'''Téa''': Wake up! Those guys are just using you! :'''Weevil''': Who cares! as long as I have ultimate power! :'''Yami Yugi''': You're ''wrong!'' :'''Weevil''': Then just duel ''me!'' :'''Téa''': Wait a minute! :'''Yami Yugi''': Huh? Téa, no! It's too dangerous! :'''Téa''': Weevil! Don't you realize that if you go through with this duel, one of you guys is gonna lose your soul forever!? :'''Yami Yugi''': Téa. :'''Weevil''': Of course I do, Téa. That's the whole reason I'm here! To make him pay by ''sealing him away!'' :'''Téa''': Oh! :'''Yami Yugi''': Oh no! :'''Weevil''': Don't worry. Soon you'll be locked away with your friend Yugi, Pharaoh! ''[laughing]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Where is ''he!?'' Tell me! :'''Weevil''': I'm afraid the only way to find out is to duel me. so if you back down now, then you'll never see that little twerp again! :'''Yami Yugi''': Very well! Then let's duel! :'''Weevil''': ''[laughing]'' Wise choice, Pharaoh! ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' :'''Rex''': ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' I'm gonna enjoy this! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey Wheeler''': What did you do to my friends!? :'''Rex Raptor''': Nothing! Weevil's dealing with those two losers why I handled you two. :'''Tristan Taylor''': Weevil? So he's in on this train too. :'''Joey''': Rex, you guys pick the wrong side to join. :'''Rex''': Oh really? Well, we'll just see about that won't we. I've been given more power then you ever dreamed of! :'''Joey''': ''[growl]'' Look, Rex, not only can I duel circles around your sorry behind but you're half my size! So why don't you get out of my way before I step on you! :'''Rex''': Sorry, pal. I'm not going anywhere till we duel! So draw your cards and let's get it on, chump! I've got a duel to win! :'''Tristan''': Now what? :'''Joey''': ''[sighs]'' I warned them. Now let's trample this geek and then go find Yugi and Téa. :'''Tristan''': Good call. :'''Rex''': Oh yeah? You'll change your mind when ''I'' activate this card! :'''Joey and Tristan''': Huh? :'''Rex''': ''[snickers and holds up "The Seal of Orichalcos" card]'' Look familiar!? :'''Tristan''': The Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Joey''': Drop the card! That thing is evil, Rex. I'm telling ya, you have no idea what you're doing! :'''Rex''': You're not so tough now! Are you, Wheeler! ''[laughs and activates the card]'' :'''Joey''': ''He'' played it! :''[Joey and Tristan grunting and as Rex screams]'' :'''Tristan''': Aah! :'''Joey''': No, Tristan! :'''Rex''': Ahh! Ha Ha Ha! Now... That's what I call power. :'''Joey''': What was ''he'' thinking playing that! :'''Tristan''': Be careful, man! He just raised the stakes a this duel big time! Now who ever loses the game, loses their soul! :'''Joey''': Gee, Thanks for the reminder. :'''Rex''': Let's do this. It's payback time! :'''Joey''': Sorry, Rex. ''I'' won't duel ''you!'' :'''Rex''': You don't have much ''choice!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Weevil Underwood''': I won’t keep you in suspense any longer! ''[snickers]'' It’s my move! ''[holds up "The Seal of Orichalcos" card]'' And I think I’ll play the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Yami Yugi''': Weevil, don’t be a fool! :'''Weevil Underwood''': What seems to be the problem, Pharaoh? You’ve played this card before, haven’t you? If I’m not mistaken, this is what you used to lock little Yugi away! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Looks like the battles are underway. :'''Rafael''': Yes, Master. And if all goes well, the soul of the Pharaoh will soon be yours. Of course, we win no matter what, because whatever the final outcome is, we get two souls. :'''Dartz''': ''[evilly snickers]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rex Raptor''': Are you gonna duel, Wheeler? or just stand there like a loser while I take you apart? :'''Joey Wheeler''': I got no choice. Alright I didn't wanna do this... But you got yourself a duel! :'''Tristan Taylor''': Are you sure? :'''Joey Wheeler''': It's the only way to save Yuge, so yes. :'''Rex Raptor''': Good answer. I've been waiting for this moment for years. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': ''[evilly snickers]'' It won't be long now. The soul of the Pharaoh is nearly in my grasp. After all we have the perfect bait. ''[evilly laughter]'' :''[To Be Continued...]'' ====Part 2==== :''[Joey and Rex were still dueling with Panther Warrior, the two Gilasaurus and Kaitoptera still on the field]'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': Dude, you've got three dinos breathing down your neck! You better think of something before you're extinct! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Gee, thanks. :'''Rex Raptor''': You're in way over your head! Thanks to the Seal of Orichalcos, I can never be beat, but enough talk! On with the Duel! ''[draws Polymerization from his Deck]'' It's showtime. First, I'll use Polymerization to combine my Gilasaurus with my Kaitoptera to form Horned Saurus! ''[Horned Saurus appears on the field]'' But you ain't seen nothing yet! Next I'll play Giant Rex! ''[Giant Rex also appears on the field]'' And the Seal of Orichalcos gives my Jurassic giants a power boost! ''[Horned Saurus' and Giant Rex's eyes glow red as the Seal of Orichalcos raises their attack by 500]'' Time to get prehistoric on you, Wheeler, by letting my ravenous meat-eaters chow down on your Life Points! My Horned Saurus is up first! Now, attack Wheeler directly! :'''Tristan Taylor''': How can he do that when you've got a monster on the field? :'''Rex Raptor''': Easy, Horned Saurus has a special ability that lets him bypass your monsters and go straight for your Life Points! Tough break. ''[Horned Saurus fires a shockwave blast on top of Joey, making Joey's Life Points drop to 1500]'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': That runt is kicking your butt! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Thanks for the help. You're a real pal. :'''Rex Raptor''': For my next trick, Giant Rex will make your Panther Warrior disappear! ''[Giant Rex attack and destroys Panther Warrior]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Be patient, Great Leviathan. Soon the soul of the Pharaoh shall be yours. ''[evil laughing]'' :'''Weevil''': ''[chucking]'' You’re about to pay the ultimate price, and I’ll be known as the duelist who dethroned the king of games! :''[To Be Continued...]'' ====Part 3==== :'''Yami Yugi''': My dragon! He abandoned me! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rex Raptor''': Please Save me! ''[screaming as the Oricalchos claims Rex's soul]'' :'''Joey Wheeler''': ''Sorry, Rex. It's the only way.'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': Rex! Come on, man wake up! I know you're in there somewhere so snap out of it. :'''Joey Wheeler''': It's no use, Tristan. The Orichalcos has him now. But I promise we'll get him back. As soon as we find Pegasus and Yugi. :'''Tristan Taylor''': Yeah, but how? :'''Joey Wheeler''': But first we gotta figured out where this Dartz guy hangs out. Find him, and we'll find them. YOU HEAR ME, DARTZ?! WE'RE COMING TO GET YOU! AND WE'RE NOT LEAVING WITHOUT OUR FRIENDS! ''[echoes]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Yami Yugi and Weevil's Duel is still underway with Breaker the Magical Warrior, Poison Butterfly and Armored Centipede on the field]'' :'''Weevil Underwood''': I'll tell you what. Because I feel sorry for you, I'd be willing to do you a little favor before you lose. I have a card in my pocket I think you'd like to see. I can't wait to see the look on your face! ''[laughs hysterically]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[snarls]'' ''Weevil!'' :'''Weevil Underwood''': Relax, Pharaoh, I'm just trying to be nice. It's the least I can do to repay you for ruining my life. You wanna see Yugi, right? ''[the flashback cuts in]'' His spirit is trapped, deep in the caverns of Dartz's lair, and I know how to set him free! ''[cuts back to the present]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Tell me how to save him right now! :'''Weevil Underwood''': ''[laughs]'' Very well. In order to release his soul, you'll need a special card. ''[takes out a Gokibore card out of his pocket]'' And I've got it right here. :'''Yami Yugi''': What?! Then hand it to me now! :'''Weevil Underwood''': That's not a nice way to ask! Why don't you try saying, "Pretty please, with sugar on top"? ''[Yami Yugi walks short, but realizes that Weevil was bluffing]'' Oh, well, too late! So it looks like I'll have to teach you a lesson in manners! Now say goodbye! ''[rips the Gokibore card in half]'' Yugi's gone FOREVER! ''[Yami Yugi, having witnessed Weevil rip the card, suddenly erupts into an uncontrollable rage]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[roars ferociously]'' '''NO!''' :'''Weevil Underwood''': ''[laughing]'' :'''Tea Gardner''': ''[in tears]'' No. Poor Yugi. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[furiously]'' You snake! :'''Weevil Underwood''': ''[laughs]'' Don’t you know a joke when you hear one? I tore up a useless bug card. :'''Tea Gardner''': Huh? ''[anger]'' Weevil, That’s not very funny! :'''Weevil Underwood''': You people have no sense of humour! :'''Yami Yugi''': You'll pay for that! You hear me, Weevil!? :'''Weevil Underwood''': Ha! Huh? :'''Yami Yugi''': You'll pay dearly! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Weevil Underwood''': ''[thinking]'' Yugi's been planning this all along! :'''Yami Yugi''': It's the beginning of the end for you! ''[draws a monster card from his Deck]'' I've drawn Queen's Knight! ''[discards Queen's Knight to the Graveyard]'' And since it's a monster, my warrior can attack! Go! ''[Breaker attacks Weevil's Life Points, making them go to 700]'' Now, for my next card! ''[draws Gazelle the King of Mythical Beasts]'' Looks like you're out of luck. Attack again! ''[Breaker makes a second attack at Weevil, making Weevil's Life Points drop to 0]'' I draw again! ''[draws Big Shield Gardna]'' Another monster! ''[Breaker delivers the third blow to Weevil]'' This just isn't your day! ''[draws Alpha the Magnet Warrior and Breaker attacks Weevil while Tea tearfully witnesses the moment]'' Breaker, attack him again! ''[Breaker delivers the last blow to Weevil, just as the Oricalchos claims Weevil's soul]'' Let's see. ''[draws Dark Magician Girl]'' Oh, well... :'''Tea Gardner''': ''[rushes to Yami Yugi in tears]'' Please, Pharaoh! No more! :'''Yami Yugi''': Let me go! :'''Tea Gardner''': You can stop now. It's over. You've already won the duel. The Seal of Oricalchos is gone. We have to put an end to all this. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''Tea's right'', ''[holds Dark Magician Girl card]'' ''I have a promise to keep.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': So many souls, so little time. The Great Leviathan is growing impatient. I must supply him with the power he needs to awaken… and for that, I need the soul of the Pharaoh. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Tell me where Yugi is! :'''Tea Gardner''': Pharaoh... It's no use. You won. So the Seal of Oricalcos took Weevil away. Pharaoh? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': No! I need him alive! ===''Self Destruction'' [4.19]=== :''[after the train derails and falling off the cliffs a passenger car on the river, at Dartz's lair Dartz not happy]'' :'''Dartz''': ''[stands up]'' Somehow I've lost contact with the Pharaoh. :'''Rafael''': Maybe he didn't survive the fall. :'''Dartz''': He did. However, Something or someone is hiding him from my vision. :'''Rafael''': Then let me be your eyes, Master. I'll track him down and make up for my failure. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chris''': ''[offscreen]'' Skye! Get back here! Skye! ''[appeared enter the tent]'' That's no way to treat our guests. ''[to Pharaoh and Téa]'' Sorry if she woke you up. :'''Yami Yugi''': Who are you? How did you find us? :'''Chris''': You can call me Chris. ''[giggles]'' And you've already met Skye. She's the one that found you. She was sniffing around for food and ended up sniffing out you guys instead. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ironheart''': I see your strength is back. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes, Thank you. :'''Ironheart''': Pleased to hear it. You two had me worried. By the way, the name is Ironheart, and I believe this belongs to you. Pardon me for being intrusive... But I couldn't help noticing you possess the legendary Eye of Timaeus... The only one of it's kind. :'''Yami Yugi''': Take it. I'm not deserving of it's power. :'''Téa Gardner''': That's not true. :'''Ironheart''': I'll hold it until you're ready. :'''Téa Gardner''': Did you find another kid? He had glasses and a bad haircut? He was on the train with us it crashed. :'''Ironheart''': No, I'm afraid you were the only ones we found. Perhaps your friend was able to escape before the train fell off that cliff. I assure you, there wasn't another soul on board. :'''Yami Yugi''': I highly doubt Weevil was able to escape. Not in the condition he was in. I'm afraid there's a greater power at work here. :'''Ironheart''': I must say, young man. You seem to possess a wisdom that reaches far beyond your years. Now, I've encountered many people in my travels... but there's something about you i've never seen before... something in your eyes. I'm also sensing that you hold a great deal of loneliness in your heart. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's because I recently lost a very close friend of mine. His name is Yugi Muto. And now... I'm on a journey to find his soul. :'''Ironheart''': What will you do if you find him? :'''Yami Yugi''': I’ll apologize for betraying his trust and abandoning him. :'''Ironheart''': Hmm. I might just be able to help. Follow me. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Rafael jumps on the rail carriage after the train falls off the cliff looking for the Pharaoh.]'' :'''Rafael''': Hey, Pharaoh! You in there or not!? How did he escape? ''[looks at the mountain]'' I'LL FIND YOU, PHARAOH, WHEREVER YOU ARE! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi Muto''': Is that really you? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi! :'''Tea''': Hey, It's him! :'''Yami Yugi''': I've found you! Hmm? :'''Yugi''': You came all this way just to see me? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes of course, I just want you to say how sorry I am. :'''Yugi''': I'm sorry too, I wish this whole thing never happened. :'''Yami Yugi''': It's my fault. I surrendered to my inner darkness. I allowed my anger to take over and you paid the price. But now that you're gone, The darkness is starting to grow without your light to keep me pure... I'm becoming evil, Yugi. I'm beginning to believe that what Rafael said about me is true. Perhaps I was a [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|wicked pharaoh]]. ''[Flashes back to their first duel, Rafael told Pharaoh heard about the Pharaoh are the one responsible for the destroy Egypt.]'' What if I am the one responsible for the destruction of Egypt? If I'm capable of such horrific behavior then it's my soul that should be locked away. :'''Yugi''': Well, What good is that now!? ''I'm'' the one who's been locked away forever, Not ''you''! :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm sorry? :'''Yugi''': Well, The last thing I need is your pity, Pharaoh! If You're really evil there's only thing to do. :'''Yami Yugi''': What are you saying? :'''Yugi''': You said it yourself, Didn't you? Your spirit should be locked away with mine. And I'm gonna do it. :'''Yami Yugi''': Wait! You misunderstood me! :'''Yugi''': Oh, So now you're taking back what you said!? Make up your mind! ''You'' don't deserve to be a part of this world! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[shocked]'' Yugi. :'''Yugi''': It's about time you started taking some responsibility for what you've done! There's only one thing left to do and you know it! You need to be a man for once and face me in a duel now! :'''Yami Yugi''': No please. :'''Yugi''': Too late! It's time for you to pay! If you're really sorry then you'll do this! It's time to duel! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tea''': Wait, So he's gonna duel himself. But why? :'''Ironheart''': This is the only way. :'''Tea''': Huh? :'''Chris''': That's why we took you guys here. So the pharaoh can face his other half. He has to deal with what he did so he can put it all behind him and finally move on. :'''Tea''': How do you know all this stuff? :'''Chris''': We've always known this. We were taught that a warrior would come to save our world. And as soon as we found you guys, We knew that he was the one. :'''Tea''': So, what's he supposed to do now? :'''Ironheart''': His first step is to face his inner fears and conquer the darkness that lurks within his heart. But if he loses this battle, The pharaoh's spirit will remain here forever. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Why are ''you'' acting like this?! :'''Yugi''': I'm just a reflection of ''you''! :'''Yami Yugi''': What do you mean, Yugi!? :'''Yugi''': You don't get it, do you? You and I are exactly the same. So the darkness that's in your heart... is also inside my heart. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi, I wish I could take it back. :'''Yugi''': Too late! You've already shown me who you really are an evil pharaoh who cares only about himself! Face the Facts! ''You'' didn't care what happened to me so long as you had power! Now it's my turn! :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi, wait! Are you holding the card I think you are!? :'''Yugi''': It's sounds like your starting to catch on aren't you, your highness? This duel is a chance for you to look at yourself from the outside. And there's only one card that can make that happen... The Seal of Orichalcos. :'''Yami Yugi''': Huh!? Yugi, no! ''[gasps]'' :'''Yugi''': Now it's pay back time, For taken my soul! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi… Don’t do this! Snap out of it! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': YUGI NO! I won't let you do this! ''[screaming]'' '''STOP!''' I ACTIVATE THE TRAP CARD... DIVINE WIND! :'''Yugi''': He did it! He was able to reverse my attack and double its strength to win the duel! :''[blast on Yugi and he screams and making his Life Points drop to 0]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': What have I done!? Yugi! :'''Yugi''': ''[groaning]'' :'''Tea Gardner''': Is he alright? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi! ''[running towards Yugi]'' Come on! ''[holds his body]'' Speak to me, Please! :'''Yugi''': You passed the test, pal. :'''Yami Yugi''': What are you taking about, Yugi? Did you plan this all along? :'''Yugi''': It was the only way. By defeating me you were able to defeat the darkness that was inside your heart. It wasn’t easy, But you did what was best for me and for mankind. You acted like a true hero. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[in tears]'' But now what? What can I do? :'''Yugi''': Don't give up this fight. Remember... I'm aways with you. ''[disappears]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[gasps see Yugi disappears]'' I'll save you! No matter what it takes. ===''Reliving the Past'' [4.20]=== :'''Téa''': Seems like the Pharaoh's in pretty bad shape down there. :'''Ironheart''': Of course. There's still a hole in his heart has Yet to be filled. :'''Téa''': ''[worried; thinking]'' Poor, guy. He still blames himself for what happened to Yugi. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[cries in tears after the duel with Yugi]'' Yugi, If it weren’t for me, You'd still be here. I'll never forgive myself. ''[Flashes back to their [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|last duel as the Seal took Yugi instead]].]'' Mark my words! I won't rest you until I get you back! Uhh! It's not fair! I should be locked away! Not you! I’m the one ''who'' played that evil card! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Meet Orichalcos Gigas! Attack the Pharaoh! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': I've got you right where I what you, Pharaoh. ''[evilly chuckle]'' :''[Rafael watches the Pharaoh and the Orichalcos soldier were still dueling with Obnoxious Celtic Guardian and Orichalcos Gigas still on the field]'' :'''Rafael''': Let's see you get yourself outta this. :'''Tea Gardner''': He's about to lose! :'''Ironheart''': There is but one thing that can save him. :'''Chris''': The card he gave you? :'''Ironheart''': Mmm. ''[grabs the card]'' The Eye of Timaeus. The creature that fought by my side so long ago. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': ''[spots at Ironheart]'' Who is that? :'''Ironheart''': Pharaoh! Take this card! :'''Yami Yugi''': Ironheart!? :'''Dartz''': You've disrupted my plans for the last time, old man. :''[lightning bolt strikes on Ironheart]'' :'''Ironheart''': AAH! :'''Yami Yugi''': IRONHEART! NO! :'''Chris''': GRANDFATHER! :'''Ironheart''': ''[groaning and collapses and holds up "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' Please take this card from me. It's the only way to defeat the beast. :''[Orichalcos blocks the Pharaoh on the field]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': I can't get out! :'''Chris''': Grandpa! :'''Ironheart''': It's up to you. :'''Chris''': What do you mean, Gramps? :'''Ironheart''': ''[groaning]'' Take this... and bring it to the Pharaoh. ''[Chris grab "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' Otherwise, All hope is lost. Good luck. ''[disappears]'' :'''Chris''': ''[gasps, sees her grandfather disappears in tears]'' No, Grandpa! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Please, Chris, Turn back! It's far too dangerous! :'''Chris''': ''[running, holds up "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' Pharaoh, My Grandpa want you to have this! ''[lightning bolt strikes on Chris]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': NO! :'''Chris''': ''[screaming]'' AAAAAHHHH! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Chris, No! :'''Chris''': ''[gasping]'' Pharaoh... ''[holds up "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' Take this... please. :'''Yami Yugi''': What is it? :'''Chris''': ''[groaning]'' It's the only thing that can stop him. It saved us once... and with your help it can save us again. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[grab and hold the card]'' The Eye of Timaeus. :'''Chris''': ''[smile and eyes closed]'' I trust you, Pharaoh. Thank you. ''[disappears]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[see Chris disappears]'' Hold on! Come back! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': There's only one thing left to do, ''[looks at "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' I hope you deem me worthy of your power, ''[close his eyes]'' I’m truly sorry for having betrayed you. But the lives are so many innocent people are getting hurt and depending on you, So I asked you not for myself, But for all those at risk. Please help me, Timaeus. The future of two worlds hangs in the balance, ''[open his eyes]'' we must win! No matter what. ''[draws Dark Magician Girl card]'' Now I sacrifice my Celtic Guardian in order to summon Dark Magician Girl! ''[summons Dark Magician Girl]'' Next I'll play... The legendary Eye of Timaeus! :'''Dartz''': He'll never learn. :'''Rafael''': ''[surprised]'' I don't believe it. He should never have been able to summon that dragon! :'''Yami Yugi''': Dark Magician Girl, fuse with Timaeus, forming Dark Magician Girl the dragon knight! Next, I'll enhance your strength with my Excalibur magic card! Attack! Destroy his creature of darkness! ''[Timaeus fire blast and Dark Magician Girl rise the sword and blast on the Orichalcos Gigas and the Orichalcos Soldier Blasting light]'' YOU HEAR ME, DARTZ?! I'M COMING TO GET YOU! AND I'M NOT LEAVING WITHOUT MY FRIENDS! ''[echoes]'' :'''Dartz''': ''[thinking]'' This isn't over, Pharaoh. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey Wheeler''': I'm assuming you see that gigantic green sunset over there, right? :'''Tristan Taylor''': What do you think it is? :'''Joey''': Hmm? ''[holds "The Claw of Hermos" card glowing]'' I'm guessing it's got something to do with this. Let's just hope Téa and the Pharaoh are alright. Come on! ''[ran off]'' :'''Tristan''': Hey, Wait! It's your turn to carry Rex! ''[ran off to followed Joey]'' I know you can hear me! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[to Timaeus and Dark Magician Girl]'' Well done, my creatures. He's gone now. Thanks to you two. But I feel this is just the beginning. :'''Rafael''': I have to say I'm glad you won, Pharaoh. 'Cause now I can be the one who delivers your soul to Master Dartz. ''[walks away]'' :''[Tea spots at Ironheart, Chris and Skye along with the three legendary dragons in stone]'' :'''Tea Gardner''': Wait. That's a carving of Ironheart, Chris and Skye from 10,000 years ago? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes. :'''Tea Gardner''': So you mean to tell me that those guys were just ghosts or something? :'''Yami Yugi''': They're spirits who once fought a great war, and now they've been captured by Dartz. ''[Tea stands up then she and the Pharaoh turns around and walks away]'' This gives me three more reasons to hunt down this madman and bring peace to the world once again. ===''Deck of Armor'' [4.21]=== :'''Yami Yugi''': Take my hand. We're back where we left off. :'''Téa''': Nice. Now all we have to do is follow those railway tracks. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's right. If all goes well, they should lead us straight to Tristan and Joey. assuming they haven't wandered off. :'''Téa''': They better be there. We have to do what we set out to do. Figure out where this Dartz creep hangs out so we can set free everyone he captured. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes, Téa. I only wish it were that easy. :'''Téa''': And remind me never to get on the train again. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Inside Paradius headquarters Mai at the meeting room with Dartz, Valon, Rafael, and Alister after Joey defeats Rex Raptor at the middle of nowhere on the railway line]'' :'''Mai Valentine''': Just leave Joey Wheeler to me. :'''Rafael''': You'll do nothing until Master Dartz gives you an assignment. :'''Mai Valentine''': What is this, Third grade? I decide who I'm gonna duel for myself. I don't wait for the homework assignment. :'''Rafael''': Why don't you show a little respect? :'''Alister''': Come on, Raf, as if little miss loud mouth knows respect? :'''Mai Valentine''': What did you call me? :'''Rafael''': Relax. :'''Mai Valentine''': Look, I was doing perfectly fine until Johnny stuntman over there stepped in. If it wasn't for you, I would a won. As for you, I don't need some scrawny freak dictating my every move! I'm out of here, losers! ''[opens the door]'' Humph! ''[walks off alone]'' :'''Dartz''': Just let her go, Valon. :'''Valon''': Hmm? :'''Dartz''': She can try to run away from fate, But in the end she'll get what she deserves. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': I know you’re deep down you feel the way I do, Mai. :'''Mai''': What? :'''Valon''': That’s why we found each other. You’re just like me… Lonely and misunderstood. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duke Devlin''': ''[driving]'' Should we have left so soon? :'''Rebecca Hawkins''': Of course. Time is running out. We have to catch up with the others now. ''[inside the caravan, Arthur was asleep]'' Besides, Gramps can get just as much rest on the road. Plus, we can't translate those ancient ruins without his help, Duke. :'''Duke''': Huh? ''[spots at Valon with Mai Valentine]'' Hey Rebecca, look, It's Mai Valentine. But what's she doing here? Wait a sec! That guy... ''[Flashes back to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|Joey and Mai's first duel]], Duke saw Valon next to Rafael watching Mai against Joey]'' I recognize him. He's one of those biker punks that brainwashed Mai. ''[cuts back to the present]'' He works for Dartz. :'''Rebecca''': Stop the car, Duke! :'''Duke''': Rebecca! Hold on! We’re dealing with a lunatic here! :'''Rebecca''': Alright, Tell me what you did with Yugi?! You guys had no right to take him! :'''Valon''': Sorry, kid, Never heard of him. :'''Rebecca''': Well, maybe this’ll refresh your memory! I win, You talk! Let’s duel! :'''Duke''': No, Rebecca! It’s too dangerous! :'''Rebecca''': I’ll be fine. I’ve dueled tougher opponents than this. So what are you say, punk? Do we have a deal or not? :'''Valon''': You can’t be serious, kid. :'''Mai''': Here’s your big chance. Why don’t you show me your stuff. :'''Rebecca''': Let’s go. I don’t have all day. :'''Valon''': Well, why not? She could use a lesson in manners and I got five minutes to kill. Plus I can sho off a few of my new dueling strategies. Alright. You talked me into it, mate. Let’s have a go. :'''Duke''': Hold on! If you dueling her then you'll dueling me too, tough guy! :'''Valon''': Peachy. Then I’ll take both of you blokes on. Ha. ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' Pay attention, Mai. This is for you. :'''Duke''': Remember, Rebecca, don’t let him play the seal of Orichalcos. :'''Rebecca''': Got it. :'''Valon, Duke and Rebecca''': Let’s duel! <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :''[Valon defeats Rebecca Hawkins and Duke Devlin in their duel.]'' :'''Rebecca''': Fine, You won. Now leave us alone. :'''Duke''': Get lost. :'''Valon''': Very well then, I gotta message for Joey Wheeler, tell that punk he's next. ''[laughing, then spots at Mai hops on her motorcycle]'' Where are you going, Mai. :'''Mai''': I told you, I worked alone! ''[droves off]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Téa, do you see what I see? :'''Téa''': You mean all those weird lights? :'''Yami Yugi''': I fear it’s the great beast. The same thing happened when it emerged the first time. ''[thinking]'' ''We’re running out of time.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Yes, Great Leviathan. Keep feeding, my child. You’re almost ready. ''[evilly chuckling]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Inside the KaibaCorp Airplane where Seto and Mokuba sitting on the seat]'' :'''Mokuba Kaiba''': You think it’s true, Seto? I mean, could Yugi really have lost to one of Alister's partners in a duel? And does that mean he’s trapped somewhere now? :'''Seto Kaiba''': It just means Yugi’s not as perfect as everyone thinks he is, and he’s not worth my time. We’ve got more important things to do. ===''Flight of Fear'' [4.22-23]=== ====Part 1==== :''[Kaiba and Alister's rematch duel begins]'' :'''Alister''': As the challenger, I'll start! And I'll summon my Science Soldier in defense mode! That's all for now. :'''Seto''': How pathetic. My move! I summon X-Head Cannon in attack mode! Now, X-Head Cannon, attack! Looks like you're defenseless. :'''Mokuba''': ''[worried; thinking]'' If Alister plays that Seal of Orichalcos, Seto's in big trouble! :'''Alister''': No big deal. Watch this! I play Cyber Soldier of Dark World. And next, I'll place one card facedown and end my turn. :'''Seto''': What a joke! My move! I summon Y-Dragon Head in attack mode! Attack his Cyber Soldier of Dark World, now! And now, X-Head Cannon, attack his Life Points directly! :'''Mokuba''': ''[thinking]'' Alister's making this too easy. :'''Seto''': I think that's just about enough punishment for now. I end my turn. ''[sets a card facedown]'' :'''Alister''': You sound pretty confident, Kaiba, but you'll change your tune. You've been so pretty occupied with your own monsters, you forgot what I have waiting in my deck. I guess I'll have to remind you. It's the card I used on you last time and it changes the entire playing field! :'''Seto''': ''[realizes]'' Hold it! Did you just draw what I think you did, Alister?! ''[turns to Mokuba]'' Mokuba, GET BACK! :'''Alister''': ''[raises the card up in his hand which is The Seal of Orichalcos]'' I activate the Seal of Orichalcos! ''[laughs as the Seal of Orichalcos grows the circle which engulfs the room and knocks Mokuba away from it's boundary]'' :'''Seto''': Mokuba! ''[beams of green light shoot out of the plane and as Alister screams, the plane's controls end up being sabotaged, including the autopilot]'' This can't be real! ''[The Seal of Orichalcos rises Kaiba and Alister up to the top of the plane]'' What's going on, Alister? :'''Alister''': ''[with his eyes glowing red]'' I just needed some air, that's all. <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> ====Part 2==== <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Man''': Master Dartz, I've just received word from our business division. :'''Dartz''': Yes, go on. :'''Man''': The Takeover was a success. Congratulations, Master. Kaiba Corp now belongs to you. ===''Paradise Found'' [4.24]=== <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': I got the images, And my grandpa's looking them over now. :'''Yami Yugi''': Good. Let's meet up as soon as possible. Oh, And one more thing… I'm sorry. :'''Arthur Hawkins''': Rebecca, You can't blame the Pharaoh for what happened to Yugi. :'''Rebecca''': ''[looks at her grandfather worried]'' Huh? :'''Arthur''': There's far too much at stake for hurting his feelings. You must be so hard on him. Right now, We're all fighting a common enemy. And this data may be our only hope. :'''Rebecca''': ''[sadly]'' You're right. :'''Arthur''': Pharaoh, The quality of the images is much worse then I thought. Unless we clear up these photos I won’t be able to read much at all. :'''Seto Kaiba''': Set a course for Kaiba Corporation headquarters immediately. :'''Tristan''': Dude, are you nuts. :'''Tea''': Dartz and his gang must’ve taken over the place by now. :'''Seto Kaiba''': The only way we can process these images fast enough is by using computer system, so we have no choice. :'''Joey''': Say what?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Kaiba has a good point, Joey. :'''Joey''': He does? :'''Yami Yugi''': First, they took Pegasus away… and now they’ve taken over Kaiba's company. Which means we've got to stop these criminals before they make their next move, and we have no time to lose! :'''Seto Kaiba''': Wow… You're more hung ho than I expected. You know, since you lost your title and all. :'''Yami Yugi''': Kaiba, this fight is about so much more than a mere championship dueling title. Don’t you see!? People are getting hurt and the world's in danger! :'''Seto Kaiba''': Hmm. Blah, blah, blah. Don’t you get tired of making the same speech every time you’re faced with a challenge? Stop saving the world and get a hobby. :'''Yami Yugi''': Rebecca, we’ll meet you two at the pier. :'''Rebecca''': 10-4 we’ll see you there. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': Master Dartz. :'''Dartz''': Take a look, Rafael. Your friend wasn't careful. :'''Rafael''': ''[spots at Alister in stone]'' Alister. :'''Dartz''': Don't sound so displeased. He's better off where he is now. Alister's energy, along with our other prisoners', will fuel the great beast. The Pharaoh and his friends will be arriving shortly. I trust you'll give them a warm welcome, Hmm. :'''Rafael''': He won't escaped me this time. <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Seto Kaiba''': ''[to Roland and Fuguta sent a soulless Alister and soulless Rex Raptor to the Hospital]'' Take those two to the medical center. I'm feeling generous. :'''Roland and Fuguta''': Right. :''[The KaibaCorp helicopter takes off to take Alister and Rex to the Hospital.]'' :'''Mokuba Kaiba''': Good luck, guys. :'''Joey Wheeler''': Stay safe. :'''Yami Yugi''': Professor, I'm glad you're alright. :'''Joey''': Me too. Hey, hows was the road trip, guys? :'''Duke''': Could a been better. We hit a pretty big snag on the way. :'''Joey''': Flat tire? :'''Duke''': We ran into Mai and one of those freaks. The one that jumped in and ended your duel. :'''Joey''': That jerk. :'''Duke''': He's really got it in for you, man. and I'm afraid Mai's still on their side too. :'''Joey''': Grr. Just wait until ''I'' find him! :'''Rebecca''': Hey, any word yet on Yugi? We have to find him. If you don't get him back, I'll never forgive you. Plus we need him to fight these guys! :'''Yami Yugi''': I miss Yugi, too. and I promise I will rescue him. You have word. But I need to pay a little visit to KaibaCorp first. :'''Rebecca''': Let me come with you! You'll need some tech support. :'''Seto Kaiba''': Ha! This Isn't some kind of field trip, kid. But I guess you can tag along if you want. :'''Rebecca''': I'm no kid! :'''Seto Kaiba''': Whatever you say, kid. I don't know about you geeks. But I have a company to save. So whoever's coming with me, let's move. :'''Mokuba Kaiba''': OK. :'''Tea''': Good luck and be careful. :'''Yami Yugi''': Right. :'''Tristan''': Alright, Tea. We better tell the police what's going on. The way this is heading we're gonna need all the help we can get. :'''Tea''': Yeah, good point. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Policeman 1''': Why don't you start over and this time try telling the truth? :'''Tea''': Don't you understand? That is the truth. There's a motorcycle gang going around stealing people's souls with a magic card. :'''Policeman 1''': Ha! You kids watched too many cartoons. :'''Tristan''': We're serious. These guys are trying to take over the whole world. :'''Policeman 2''': Really... Tell me something young man... this so called "gang"... do they wear a symbol like this! <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Here I come you creeps! :'''Rebecca''': Hey! Whoa! :'''Duke''': Get back here, Joey! Come on, man, we need a plan first! <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': This is Valon, Go ahead. :'''Rafael''': ''[on radio]'' The Pharaoh's friends are heading your way. :'''Valon''': Good, Then is time for me to show Joey Wheeler who's boss. :'''Rafael''': Valon, wait! :''[Valon turns off the radio and hops on the motorcycle droves off on the way back to the city]'' :'''Valon''': ''I gotta prove me-self to Mai.'' :''[Tristan and Tea saw Joey was running in the streets in the middle of the night]'' :'''Tristan''': Look, Here comes Joey! :'''Tea''': And there he goes. :'''Tristan''': Hey! Come back! You're going the wrong way! :'''Tea''': He's heading straight for the zombie patrol. :'''Tristan''': Go warn the others, Tea! I gotta stop him! ''[rans off]'' :'''Tea''': Tristan! :'''Joey''': ''I'm coming for you, Dartz and I'm not leaving without Yugi and Mai!'' :''[To Be Continued...]'' ===''Fighting for a Friend'' [4.25-29]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Tristan Taylor''': Joey, Come back! I'm wearing the wrong shoes for this! Joey, stop! :'''Joey Wheeler''': ''[stops and spots at the Orichalcos soldier]'' What's that?! :'''Tristan''': Uh, Joey. :'''Joey''': Yeah? :'''Tristan''': Maybe we should start running again. :'''Joey and Tristan''': ''[screaming]'' :'''Tristan''': Hey, stop! :'''Young guy''': You ever here looking both ways?! ''[droves off]'' :'''Tristan''': Hey, Hold on! :'''Joey''': You're going the wrong way! :'''Tristan''': Turn back! :'''Young guy''': ''[spots at the Orichalcos soldier]'' Whoa! Mommy! ''[falls off the motorcycle]'' It's just a dream... It's just a dream. ''[whimping and running away]'' :'''Joey''': See ya! ''[he and Tristan runs off as the Orichalcos soldier chases them]'' We've never out run this thing! :'''Tristan''': Joey! :''[Joey punches the Orichalcos soldier but then it shatters]'' :'''Tristan''': You beat him. :'''Joey''': ''[spots at Valon]'' Actually, I think he did. Hold on! I know you! [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|You're the ''one'' that took Mai!]] :'''Valon''': Right you are, mate! ''[droves turns around away]'' :'''Joey''': Hey! Come back! ''[runs after Valon]'' :'''Tristan''': Joey, Not again! Come back! :'''Joey''': ''[notices a motorcycle]'' This will do the trick. ''[puts the helmet on]'' Now... ''[picks up the motorcycle and hops on]'' Time to chase him down and save Mai! ''[droves off to chase Valon.]'' :'''Tristan''': Are you nuts?! ''[confused]'' I guess so. He's riding right into a trap. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': ''[chucking]'' Keep fighting, my soldiers. We must continue to collect the souls of man and beast, Until we have amassed enough power to rebuild Atlantis. ''[evil laughing]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Meanwhile Tristan was running a middle of the streets looking for Joey.]'' :'''Tristan''': Joey! Where are you?! ''[Mai’s motorcycle light appears towards him]'' Is that you Joey? :'''Mai Valentine''': ''[takes her bike helmet off]'' Not quite but I am looking for him. :'''Tristan''': Look, Mai… :'''Mai''': Save it, Dweeb! ''I'' know ''you’re'' his babysitter so where is ''he?!'' :'''Tristan''': How should ''I know?!'' One of ''your'' little pals forced him into a game of ''cat and mouse'' and now ''he's'' gone! :'''Mai''': ''[gasps]'' It’s Valon! :'''Tristan''': This is all your fault, Mai! ''[Mai puts her helmet on]'' ''You’re'' the one who got Joey into this mess in the first place! :'''Mai''': Out of my way! ''[drove off]'' :'''Tristan''': Hey! '''Get back here!''' The last thing ''he'' needs right now is '''''you!''''' ''[Mai ignores him and he growls]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': Here we are, old chum. Glad you could make it. Now let's get down to business, shall we? :'''Joey Wheeler''': Look, pal I want Mai back. :'''Valon''': Then why chase me? She happens to have a mind of her own, you know. :'''Joey Wheeler''': ''She'' did. At least... ''She'' did before ''you'' guys brainwashed ''her!'' :'''Valon''': You don't get it, mate. No one was brainwashed! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Huh? :'''Valon''': Mai chose to join ''our'' side with her own free will. And do you want to know why? She was sick of taking a back seat while you got all the fame! Then I stepped in and changed all that. :'''Joey Wheeler''': You messed with her head, that's what you did! She was the one of my best friends! But the last time I saw her she was saying things that Mai never would have said. :''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#My_Freaky_Valentine|he and Mai's duel she chose to join Dartz's team]] flashback ends.]'' :'''Valon''': Wake up, Wheeler! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Who do you think you are!? and what do you what with me? You better start Explain yourself, now!? :'''Valon''': Okay, look, the name's Valon, I led you here to get rid of you for good, 'cause Mai ''can't'' be happy with you around! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Huh? and what does that mean? :'''Valon''': You're a constant reminder of what here life used to be, and Mai whats to forget all that! But as long as you still exist in this world, she be never be able to forget! So, I'm here to erase you for good! ''[thinking]'' ''Plus, I know that deep down, Mai still loves you. and I can't have that!'' So, what do you say, Wheeler? Do we have ourselves a duel or not? Not that I'm giving you much of a choice! ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' :'''Joey Wheeler''': You know what, Valon, I never back down from a challenge especially when I'm fighting for a friend! Now let's duel! ''[their life points to 4000, Joey and Valon's duel begins]'' You're going down, My move. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': ''[panting]'' All right. I'm officially lost. ''[panting]'' Phew. I guess I can pretty much forget about finding Joey now. ''[but the Orichalcos soldier behind him]'' Huh? ''[Orichalcos soldier roaring]'' AHHH! YOU AGAIN?! ''[gulp]'' Hi, remember me? :'''Duke''': Huh? ''[stop the car]'' Tristan! :'''Mokuba''': What's going on? :'''Tea''': Maybe we should get someone else behind the wheel. :'''Duke''': Tristan needs our help, Look! :'''Tea''': ''[looks at Tristan with Orichalcos soldier]'' Oh no! :'''Tristan''': Come on! I’m taking whatever you got! :'''Yami Yugi''': Go, Celtic Guardian! :''[Celtic Guardian attacks Orichalcos soldier]'' :'''Tristan''': Huh? :'''Yami Yugi/Téa/Rebecca''': Tristan! :'''Duke''': Hey! Are you alright?! :'''Tristan''': Huh? ''[sees The Pharaoh, Téa, Duke and Rebecca running towards him]'' Thanks, Pharaoh. You came in the nick of time. Of course, I could have taken him myself. :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm afraid the only thing that would have been taken is your soul had we arrived any later. :'''Tristan''': I know, so those things are working for Dartz. :'''Téa''': Hey, Where's Joey? I thought you guys were together? :'''Tristan''': We were, Until he decided to hop on some guy's motorcycle and take off after one of Dartz's little flunkies. :'''Duke''': ''[shocked]'' You're kidding! :'''Rebecca''': Oh no! Was it Valon? :'''Tristan''': Who? :'''Duke''': It's Valon. He's the young guy that Rebecca and I dueled. :'''Téa''': Is that a bad thing? :'''Rebecca''': Not only does [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Deck of Armor|Valon have a thing against Joey]], but he's got a deck full of monsters I've never seen before. :'''Yami Yugi''': Let's go. We have to find Joey before it's too late. :'''Seto Kaiba''': That chump's gonna have to wait 'cause we've got bigger problems. :'''Yami Yugi''': What do you mean? :'''Seto Kaiba''': Look around you! ====Part 2==== :'''Joey Wheeler''': No, Not that! :'''Valon''': Well, looks like you're starting to catch on, mate. I play the Seal of Orichalcos! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': We’re just getting started. By the end of this duel, you’ll be begging for mercy. Then your old buddy Mai will see what a pathetic chump you really are, and hopefully she’ll realize why she walked out on you in the first place so she can move on already! :'''Joey''': Watch it, Valon! :'''Valon''': Look, mate… All I’m watching out for is myself! And right now, the best thing for me is to get rid of you! 'Cause as long as you’re around, Mai's gonna be obsessed with dueling you. :'''Joey''': Hmm? :'''Valon''': That’s right. Since your last duel, all she talks about is a rematch. But I can’t let Mai put herself in that kind of danger again… So I got to you first. You see Wheeler, I’m not such a bad guy. We both what the same thing. We want Mai to be happy. :'''Joey''': Come on, Valon… Get real. Ha. If you really wanted Mai to be happy… You wouldn’t have brainwashed her in the first place! :'''Valon''': I told you, ''She'' chose to join us! :'''Joey''': No way! I know Mai, and ''she'' never would have walked out on us like that. Not unless someone messed with her head! And if you asked me, This Dartz guy is messing with all of your ''heads!'' :'''Valon''': Hmm? :'''Joey''': That orichalcos card ''he'' gave you has evil magic in it, and it makes everyone who holds it go nuts! :'''Valon''': Are you done? If you are, then allow me to tell you the truth. That orichalcos card did more for Mai than you ever could. She was weak, and it made her strong! She was lost, and it showed her the way! :''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|Dartz joins Mai to part of Doma organization]], Dartz welcoming Mai.]'' :'''Dartz''': Welcome to our family, Miss Valentine. Now go, and remember the Orichcalos is always with you. :''[Mai went to see Valon outside]'' :'''Valon''': So, how's it feel? You've got what you always wanted. :'''Mai''': Look, I appreciate you taking me here... ''[holds up "The Seal of Orichalcos" card]'' But don't think this means I owe you anything. :'''Valon''': What? :'''Mai''': I do things my way. And I have no interest in being part of some team, Valon. I already made that mistake once and you know where it got me?Absolutely Nowhere. So, no, thanks. :'''Valon''': ''[chuckles]'' I know what you mean. You and I are exactly the same, Valentine. :'''Mai''': Hmm? :'''Valon''': We're both loners. But you have to admit... Sometimes it's not all that fun. :''[Then [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#The_Creator_Returns|After she tooked Pegasus' soul]], she has a long face]''. :'''Valon''': Why the long face, Mai? You just accomplished your first mission with flying colors. :'''Mai''': Yeah, I know, Valon. But defeating Maximilion Pegasus meant nothing to me. :'''Valon''': Huh? :'''Mai''': There's only one person out there I need to take apart, and that chump is Joey Wheeler. :''[flashback ends]'' :'''Valon''': Mai can’t stand the sight of you. And neither can I, mate. So I plan to take you down for her. Once you’re out of the picture, she can move on to bigger and much better things. Like teaming up with me and leaving behind her past once and for all! :'''Joey''': No way, Valon. Mai would never want to get rid of me after what we’ve been through. We’re friends! ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 1)#Keith's Machination|Joey and Mai inside the castle at Duelist Kingdom]]. flashback ends]'' Mai has nothing in common with you. So she may be a little rough around the edges and she can have an attitude every once in a while, but she’d never join up with a bunch of low-lives who have some crazy plan to take over the world. :'''Valon''': We’ll just see. :'''Joey''': Whatever you guys did to her… I’m gonna undo as soon if I’m gonna win this… so why do we moved on! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': I know Valon's around here somewhere and I have to stop this duel now. I better be too late 'cause I’m gonna make Wheeler pay for what he did to me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': Let's try this again. ''[typing the laptop]'' Come on... ''[groans]'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': Hey! Any luck in there, Rebecca? :'''Tea Gardner''': You've asked five times. She's working as fast as she can. :'''Duke Devlin''': Aren't ''you'' the one who told us to have faith? :'''Tristan Taylor''': Why don't ''you'' get off my back, Duke! Joey's in trouble, and it we don't move fast things could get even worse! :'''Tea Gardner''': Take it easy, Tristan. :'''Tristan Taylor''': I can't, Tea! Don't you guys see that this whole thing is my ''fault''!? :'''Yami Yugi''': No, Tristan. :'''Tristan Taylor''': When Joey and I got [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#On_the_Wrong_Track|separated from you guys]], ''he'' told me about his plan, and I should have talked to him out of it then. :''[Flashes back to Joey and Tristan carry Rex Raptor on the railway tracks to find Tea and the Pharaoh, but Joey long face.]'' :'''Joey Wheeler''': I just figured it all out. :'''Tristan Taylor''': Figured what out? What are you talking about, Joey? :'''Joey Wheeler''': Why [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|Mai teamed up with those low-lives]]. It's 'cause I was a terrible friend. I let her down. :'''Tristan Taylor''': That's crazy. :'''Joey Wheeler''': But it's true. If Dartz maybe the one that brainwashed her. But I'm the one that drove her away in the first place. Now I gotta go and set things straight by finding these guys and breaking that spell! :'''Tristan Taylor''': But how? ''[confused]'' Aw, man. :''[cuts back to the present]'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': What was I thinking?! How could I let him do this?! :'''Tea Gardner''': Joey's got a mind of his own, Tristan. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' ''Let's just hope he's using with his legendary dragon the Claw of Hermos.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': My move! ''[draws the card]'' Look out! Now we’re taking. Let’s see stand up to this guy! ''[holds up the "Claw of Hermos" card]'' :''[To Be Continued…]'': ====Part 3==== :'''Tristan''': I can't wait around anymore! ''[grunting]'' Joey needs our help and ''he'' needs it now! :'''Téa''': Tristan, you must chill. :'''Duke''': Téa's right, Tristan. Without Kaiba's tracking system we have no hope of finding him. :'''Tristan''': Am I the only one here who understands what's going on? Joey may be losing his soul as we speak. Let's go! :'''Téa''': I didn't think of it like that. Maybe we should go. :'''Yami Yugi''': Not yet. We have to have faith that Rebecca can find him. Until then I know Joey can take care of himself. He's been in tough situations before. :'''Téa''': Not this tough. :'''Rebecca''': Hey, I did it! I finally found Joey. If this read out's right, Joey's not far, guys. :'''Yami Yugi''': All right, I'll takes this and track him down. You move the trailer to a safer place. :'''Tea''': Not so fast Pharaoh. ''[Pharaoh stops and looks at Tea and Tristan]'' You're not going alone. :'''Tristan''': That's right. We're all this together. :'''Yami Yugi''': I guess You've made up your minds. ''[smile]'' Thank you. Now let's go. :'''Rebecca''': Ahem. :'''Yami Yugi''': Rebecca, You stay here. Duke, can you keep an eye on them until we get back. :'''Duke''': You got it. :'''Rebecca''': No, I want to go, too. Come on, Grandpa. :'''Arthur''': Uh-uh We've got our own work to do. We need your talents back here. :''[Rebecca sighs]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Rebecca, as soon as Joey safe, we'll find Yugi. :'''Rebecca''': Promise me he's all right. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi's going to be just fine. I promise. Please, trust me. :'''Duke''': Come on, man, you don't have a second to lose, so go kick some butt and take names. :'''Yami Yugi''': Well, that's one way to put it. :'''Tristan''': Let's chit-chat later, OK. :'''Rebecca''': Good luck with everything. :'''Yami Yugi''': You, too. :'''Arthur''': If you need us, just call. :'''Yami Yugi''': Right. :''[They ran off together to find Joey]'' :'''Arthur''': Don't worry, Rebecca. ''[Rebecca looks at her grandfather]'' Yugi will be back here safe and sound in no time at all. :'''Rebecca''': But how do you know? :'''Arthur''': Because I believe in the Pharaoh, and you should too. :'''Rebecca''': Fine. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': ''[thinking]'' You're mine, Wheeler. <hr width="50%"/> :''[When Mai showed up and found Valon in the duel with Joey]'' :'''Valon''': Hey, Mai! You're just in time to catch the end of the greatest duel ever played. :'''Mai''': ''[takes off her helmet]'' You and I had a deal, remember!? Joey Wheeler's mine! ''[Orichalcos blocks her]'' Ah! :'''Joey''': Mai, no! :'''Mai''': Look, you've done enough, so why don't you take a hike and let me finish this!? :'''Valon''': Sorry, no can do. :'''Mai''': Huh? :'''Valon''': I'm having way too much fun out here to stop now. Plus this duel is no place for you. :'''Mai''': Why's that? :'''Valon''': There's too much at stake. I won't let you risk losing everything you have. That's why I challenged Joey Wheeler in the first place to protect you. I wanted to get rid of him so you'd be able to move on with your life, and that's exactly what I'm gonna do. :'''Joey''': Guess what, Mai. I'm fighting for same reason. :'''Valon''': Then let's get on with it! Shall we? I can't wait to see what you play next. :'''Joey''': You're gonna have to wait, Valon, 'cause I play one card face down and end my turn. :'''Valon''': Big mistake, pal. ====Part 4==== :''[Joey and Valon were engaged in an armored standoff in the middle of the Oricalchos field]'' :'''Joey''': It's time to activate Big Bang Dragon Blow's special effect! ''[Joey tributes Red-Eyes Black Dragon to make Big Bang Dragon Blow supercharged]'' By sacrificing my Red-Eyes, I made my armored fist even more powerful! Now it's able to destroy all your monsters and subtract their strength from your Life Points! ''[Big Bang Dragon Blow builds up pressure against Valon and Joey sends Valon flying away from the center and destroying his Armor monsters]'' :'''Valon''': ''[skids to a halt]'' You did it. You won. ''[panting and making his Life Points drop to 0]'' Congratulations. Goodbye. :'''Mai''': ''[gasps]'' It's my fault. :'''Valon''': Don't be silly, Mai. I caused my own downfall. I thought if I won I could make you forget about Joey Wheeler. But now I understand why he meant so much to you. The guy's got heart. :'''Mai''': Valon, wait. :'''Valon''': Hey Joey, It's up to you now, Saved Mai. :'''Mai''': Valon! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Great Leviathan... I sense the arrival of powerful soul. Let's see who, shall we? ''[spots at Valon in stone]'' Well... look what the orichalcos dragged in. My former employee. Now it's Miss Valentine's turn to send me a soul... or to give up her own. ''[evily laughter]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mai hold Valon's lifeless body, her eyes full of tears]'' :'''Mai''': Valon. Come back... Valon. :'''Joey''': It's too late. The Orichalcos has him now. ''[Mai remembers to flashbacks to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Deck of Armor|what Valon said]] flashback ends]'' Hey, Mai... We'll get him back. :'''Mai''': How could he do this? Valon's the one who told me you have to duel for yourself. Then he turns around and fights you to protect me? How pathetic. Hmm. He deserved this. :'''Joey''': What? Look, Mai, Valon realized what ''he'' told ''you'' was wrong. ''He'' found out what dueling is really about determination and heart. :'''Mai''': Hmm. :'''Joey''': He fought like a true duelist today. :'''Mai''': I thought you wanted to destroy him. :'''Joey''': Hold on, Mai, Valon may have annoyed me... but no one deserves to have their soul taken away and then held captive by some power-hungry psychopath! I don't care who they are! :'''Mai''': Ha. :'''Joey''': You know what, Mai... ''I'' realize something now. As long as that Orichalcos thing has control over your mind, I'll never be able to talk any sense into you! As a matter of fact, the only way I can save you at this point is to duel ''you!'' So, what do you say!? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': I see. So you beat this loser and now it's gone to your head? :'''Joey''': It isn't like that, Mai. :'''Mai''': Why else would you be dumb enough to challenge me a duel? You should have learned your lesson from our last match. :'''Joey''': The only way I can get through to you… is by dueling you! :'''Mai''': If you say so. ''[activates her chaos duel disk]'' :'''Mai and Joey''': Let's duel! ''[their life points to 4000]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': Finally, you're giving me a ''real'' challenge… but you're gonna have to do better than that! 'Cause before my Aero Nail goes to the graveyard, it's transferring its power to my other Harpie! :'''Joey''': Fine! I place one card facedown! Give me your best shot! :'''Mai''': You're pretty confident for someone who's about to lose! Now, stand back! My move! I drew it. :'''Joey''': Oh, no! :'''Mai''': Yup! The Seal of Orichalcos! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': We're both locked in the Seal and only ''one'' of us will escape! No one can come to your rescue now. It's just you, me, and the most powerful magic card that's ever been created! :'''Joey''': I know. I was expecting this. ====Part 5==== :'''Téa''': We gotta find him! :'''Tristan''': Joey! Where are you, man?! :'''Téa''': Hey are you down there?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Joey! Answer us?! :'''Téa''': Hello?! :'''Tristan''': I could swear that Orichalcos thing activated right here. :'''Téa''': Me, too. So why isn't it here now? Unless we're too late! :'''Tristan''': Don't say that, Téa! :'''Yami Yugi''': Hang in there, Joey! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Congratulations. You win. :''[Collapses from exhaustion]'' :'''Mai''': Joey, no! You're wrong. I never attacked so you didn't lose the duel. :'''Joey''': But, I'm too exhausted... to finish. :'''Mai''': I won't let the Orichalcos take you away, Joey. :'''Joey''': It's too late for that. I already lost the duel, so there's no turnin' back. I'm just glad that if one of us had to lose our soul, it didn't have to be you, Mai. :'''Mai''': Don't say that. :'''Joey''': Hey, Mai, that was one of the greatest duels I ever fought. Thank you. :''[His spirit is taken by the Seal, leaving Mai horrified]'' :'''Mai''': Joey! NO! :''[The fragment of the Orchicalcos on her [[w: choker |choker]] shatters]'' :'''Dartz''': She's been set free! ''[spots at Joey Wheeler in stone]'' Ah! But what's this? It seems miss Valentine has served her purpose. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mai hold Joey's lifeless body, her eyes full of tears]'' :'''Mai''': Joey, wait! SNAP OUT OF IT! This is all my fault! I was angry and confused, and I blamed all my loneliness on you! So I tried to get rid of you. How could I be so selfish? You're the only one who ever cared about me. ''[sobbing]'' You're the closest friend I ever had, and how did I repay you? By leaving you for a madman who promised me power. ''[grabs the Claw of Hermos card]'' I'll make him regret the day he ever met Mai Valentine! ''[she hops the motorcycle droves off back to Paradius leaving Joey behind next to Valon.]'' ''The only way to fix this is to meet Dartz face to face.'' :''[Mai arriving back to Paradius headquarters and looks up]'' :'''Mai''': Here goes nothing. :''[?]'' :'''Mai''': Hey Dartz! Is that you? :'''Rafael''': Guess again, Mai. :'''Mai''': Rafael! What do you want!? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Pharaoh, Tristan and Tea arrives and they found a soulless Joey.]'' :'''Tristan''': ''[shocked]'' No way! :'''Tea''': What happened? :'''Yami Yugi''': He lost the duel. :'''Tea''': Wait, Does that mean? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes his soul belongs to Dartz now. ===''Grappling with a Guardian'' [4.30-32]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Téa''': Joey, please say something? :'''Yami Yugi''': I don't think he can hear us. :'''Téa''': Then it's true. The Orichalcos took his soul. :'''Tristan''': When I get my hands on the person who did this to Joey, they're gonna wish they were never born! Wake up, man. :'''Téa''': Who did do this? ''[she looks at the soulless Valon]'' 'Cause by the looks of Valon, I have to say it wasn't him. So Tristan what's going on here? :'''Tristan''': Don't you see Tea? Joey must have defeated Valon and then Mai showed up. ''She'' did this to him. I'm sure of it! :'''Téa''': How could she? :'''Tristan''': Easily. She couldn't wait to get rid of Joey. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's true, Tristan, However, There's only one person we can really blame for all of this, and I think you know who I mean. He hides safely in his fortress while others do his dirty work. Well, not anymore. ''[rans off]'' :'''Téa''': Pharaoh, Wait! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' This all ends now, Dartz. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': ''[voice-over, evilly laughing]'' We've been expecting you, Pharaoh. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Pharaoh looks at soulless Mai in the elevator]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[gasps]'' Mai? Mai, say something. She must have been in a duel, and it appears she lost both the duel and her soul belongs to Dartz now. I must put an end to this. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': Well, It's about time you showed up for our rematch. :'''Yami Yugi''': This doesn't concern you, Rafael. I'm here to see Dartz. Is your master so much of a coward that he sent you to do his battles for him? :'''Rafael''': Not quite. You owe me something. But first. ''[holds a card and he catches the card to the Pharaoh]'' Why don't you take this? :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[spots the Claw of Hermos card]'' It's the Claw of Hermos. Joey's card. So you're the one who defeated Joey, aren't you? :'''Rafael''': Actually, Mai beat Joey, then ''I'' defeated her. :'''Yami Yugi''': But why? Wasn't Mai on ''your'' side? :'''Rafael''': I never trusted her, and turns out I was right all along. ''[Flashback to his and Mai's duel inside Paradius; voice-over]'' After she took [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fighting for a Friend|Joey's soul]], ''she'' turned on us. :'''Mai''': I've had it with your ridiculous world domination mumbo jumbo and I want out! It's time for Dartz to answer for what ''he'' made ''me'' do to Joey. Let's see how ''he'' likes it when the orichalcos captures ''him!'' :'''Rafael''': You sure you don't wanna take that back? Dartz isn't exactly known for his sense of humor. :'''Mai''': So? :'''Rafael''': Then you leave me no ''choice.'' It's my duty to protect him, so goodbye to your soul. ''[activates his chaos duel disk and Mai activates her chaos duel disk, voice-over]'' Biggest mistake she ever made. :''[Rafael defeats Mai and she screaming as the orichalcos claims her soul away.]'' :'''Mai''': Joey! I'm sorry, I tried my best. ''[collapses and drops the Claw of Hermos card.]'' :'''Rafael''': ''[voice-over]'' Unfortunately, her best wasn't good enough. :''[the flashback ends]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': This madness has to stop. Just think of how many innocent lives have been destroyed. You may be next. :'''Rafael''': Do you think I really care? I made a commitment to help Master Dartz save the planet from crumbling at the hands of people like you, and if keeping my promise means giving up my own soul, well, then so be it, 'cause even if I'm captured, I'll be doing my part by giving the Great Leviathan the strength it needs to restore peace to the world once again. :'''Yami Yugi''': Wake up, Rafael! Can't you see that your so-called Master Dartz is just using you to satisfy his own selfish needs? If you really what to save the world, then stop fighting me and join my side. :'''Rafael''': As soon as the great beast is revived, I'm afraid your side will no longer exist, Pharaoh, and all it needs to get started is one more strong soul. :'''Yami Yugi''': Oh no. It's true. :'''Rafael''': You better believe it. as we speak, the Great Leviathan lurks in the shadows all over the earth. And as soon as I defeat you, your life energy will be offered to the beast, giving it the strength it needs to fully cross over into our world. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Tristan and Tea running the streets Tristan carried Joey]'' :'''Tristan''': Why did the Pharaoh take off liked that? :'''Téa''': He must've gone after Dartz for what happened to Yugi. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': As we speak, the most devastating creature that ever lived is waiting to rise again. All it needs now is your soul, and the Sacred Seal of Orichalcos will take care of that once I take you down. Of course, ''I'' already defeated you once, but somehow you were able to cheat me by switching places with someone else. ''[Flashes back to [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Fate_of_the_Pharaoh|their last duel as the Seal took Yugi]].]'' Don't even think about trying to pull a stunt like that gain, Pharaoh. I don't appreciate being lied to, and besides, there's no one for you to hide behind this time, 'cause now it's just you and me. The winner leaves a free man. The loser becomes a prisoner to the beast! :'''Yami Yugi''': You're on! If that's what it takes to set my friends free, then let's duel! And once you're out of my way, I can go straight for Dartz! It's just a shame that a duelist with your talents has to throw it all away by following a madman. :'''Rafael''': Look, Master Dartz opened me up the truth and made me who I am today. You're just jealous because you don't have one of these, right? ''[holds up the Seal of Orichalcos card]'' Well, not anymore, anyway. :'''Yami Yugi''': You can't tempt ''me'' with that again, Rafael. :'''Rafael''': I wasn't planning on it, but you can have one last look at it while you shuffle my deck… for old time's sake. :'''Yami Yugi''': I know what you're trying to do, and it won't work. I won't give in to my dark side! :'''Rafael''': We'll see about that. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' I must stay true to my heart, no matter what he tries to do. :''[The two shuffle their decks]'' :'''Rafael''': May the best man win...and when I do, you'll be gone forever. I'm gonna enjoy this. :'''Pharaoh and Rafael''': Time to Duel! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' I'm surprised he didn't play the Seal of Orichalcos right away. Perhaps he's toying with me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': Now I play Butterfly Dagger. This weapon gives my Backup Gardna 300 extra attack points. It also allows me to summon my Guardian Elma. :'''Yami Yugi''': I've never seen that Guardian monster. :'''Rafael''': There are plenty of monsters in my deck you've never seen, and this one lets me bring my Guardian Shield back from the graveyard. And I'll give it to Guardian Elma. Plus, my Backup Gardna's special ability transfers my Butterfly Dagger to Guardian Elma. Now, Guardian Elma… attack his Queen's Knight! Guardian Grarl, it's your turn now! Attack his King's Knight with Gravity Axe! What now, Pharaoh? What puny knight stands between me and your Life Points? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' He gave up his own strength to save his monster! ''[speaking]'' I'll place two cards face down and end my turn. ''[thinking]'' I've never come across a duelist like him before. He refuses to let any of his monsters go to the card graveyard. He protects them at all costs! Why would a duelist like this hold a card like the Seal of Orichalcos? ''[speaking]'' Rafael, don't you understand what's going on here? As long as you're loyal to Dartz, you'll never be true to yourself. You have too much respect for your cards to use them for such an evil purpose. But Dartz has brainwashed you into believing you're someone else! :'''Rafael''': The only thing Master Dartz did was open my eyes to the truth. :'''Yami Yugi''': You're ''wrong!'' :'''Rafael''': This world is an evil place, and ''you're'' part of the problem. So I'm here to fix that. And thanks to my master, I have just the tool to do it. Now, I play the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Yami Yugi''': NO, RAFAEL! PLEASE, DON'T! :'''Rafael''': Sorry, Pharaoh, it's too late for that now. Your fate is sealed! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Téa''': Hey look guys. It's Mai. :'''Mokuba''': ''[looks at soulless Mai]'' Oh, man. Don't tell me you guys she lost her soul too. :'''Tristan''': I don't mean to sound insensitive, but who's carrying her? :'''Yami Yugi''': You're making a mistake! RAFAEL! NO! ====Part 2==== :'''Rafael''': This time the Seal belongs to me! :'''Yami Yugi''': What were you thinking, Rafael? Now one of us is going to lose his soul. :'''Rafael''': That's the whole point, Pharaoh. The Great Leviathan needs power, and once I take you down and capture your soul, that legendary creature will have the strength it needs to awaken. :'''Yami Yugi''': We'll see. :'''Tristan''': That's the same guy who beat Yugi last time! :'''Seto Kaiba''': ''[shocked]'' What?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': It's time to bring out my ultimate monster, but first I'll play this card, Celestial Sword - Eatos! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' The Sword of Eatos? This can only mean one thing: he's about to summon Guardian Eatos! :'''Rafael''': Now I'll draw two cards. The time has come to play the card that beat you last time. It's my Guardian Eatos! :'''Yami Yugi''': I have to act quickly! With 500 Life Points left, I don't have much time! ''[Guardian Eatos soon becomes infected by the darkness of the Orichalcos]'' Look what you've done to your Guardian! It's been consumed by darkness! :'''Rafael''': Exactly, and it's more powerful than ever now. Nothing can stop it. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Guardian Eatos tries to destroy Yugi's Dark Magician with her Celestial Sword and it breaks, cutting her attack points back to 3000]'' :'''Rafael''': ''[shocked]'' Say what?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Allow me to clear things up for you. A few moments ago, I sent three monsters to my graveyard, one of which saved me. That card was this, my Electromagnetic Turtle! When this monster was destroyed, it created an electromagnetic barrier, shielding my magician from your attack. :'''Rafael''': No way. He had that planned all along! :'''Tristan''': In your face, meathead! :'''Rafael''': ''[thinking]'' The Pharaoh's gonna pay for mocking the power of my Guardian Eatos. ''[speaking]'' I END MY TURN! :'''Yami Yugi''': Perhaps you should've thought twice before you poisoned your own monsters with the dark powers of the Orichalcos. Take it from someone with experience. Betraying your monsters only backfires in the end. :'''Rafael''': You played the Seal of Orichalcos once and all of a sudden you're an expert of the subject? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': You can't win a duel with defense, Pharaoh. All you're doing is stalling for time. Well, I'm afraid your time's just run out. Eatos, destroy his most valuable monster, the Dark Magician! :'''Tristan''': Oh, no! :'''Téa''': Pharaoh! :'''Mokuba''': Do something! :'''Yami Yugi''': Magical Hats, activate! Hide my monsters! :'''Rafael''': What's going on?! :'''Tristan''': Awesome! Magical Hats shuffled Yugi's monsters so Blondie blasted the wrong one. :'''Mokuba''': That's true, but he gets to attack again, so Yugi's magician's still in danger! :'''Yami Yugi''': All right, one of these three remaining hats is concealing my monster, so go ahead! Hit me with your best shot! :'''Rafael''': ''[thinking]'' Three hats and one monster. I know what I have to do. I'll use Elma to improve my odds, then I'll send Grarl to finish things off. ''[speaking]'' Go, Elma! Find his Dark Magician! ''[Guardian Elma strikes her butterfly dagger at the second hat]'' Now I have a 50-50 shot. Guardian Grarl, attack! :''[Guardian Grarl punches the third hat with his fist, Dark Magician appears from the last hat]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Wrong hat! :'''Rafael''': Oh, no! :'''Yami Yugi''': What a shame. Looks like you used up all of your chances. :'''Rafael''': ''[thinking]'' How could I have messed that up?! I was about to win the duel and capture the Pharaoh! ''[speaking]'' My turn's not over yet! I activate my Rod of Silence! This lets me play another Guardian monster, my all-powerful Guardian Kay'est! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After the Pharaoh destroys Guardian Eatos with his Amulet Dragon, Guardian Dreadscythe appears on the field]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[horrified shock]'' What's that?! :'''Téa''': ''[terrified]'' I've got one word: nasty! :'''Tristan''': Here's four: I'm gonna be sick. :'''Yami Yugi''': For the last time, what is that thing?! :'''Rafael''': I told you-- when Eatos goes to the graveyard, '''''this''''' monster is summoned to the field in its place. So say hello to my Guardian Dreadsycthe! :'''Yami Yugi''': Hello and goodbye. It's no match for my dragon! :'''Rafael''': It will be. First, I'll boost its strength with my Reaper Scythe magic card. Now, for the best part, thanks to its new weapon, my Guardian of darkness gains 500 attack points for every monster in my graveyard. :'''Yami Yugi''': But why? I thought you despised having monsters in your graveyard! :'''Rafael''': But I despise ''you'' even more, so what's a few monsters in the grave if it means destroying you forever? And with only 500 Life Points left, you won't last long. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': I know first-hand what the Oricalchos does to a person's heart and I can help you. Think, when Earls was destroyed, you released your anger on your other monsters. You left the Oricalchos feed on your rage like I did. :'''Rafael''': So? What's your point? :'''Yami Yugi''': That this isn't who you really are. The darkness within you has taken control, and now you must face that darkness head on. It's the only way for you to save yourself. :'''Rafael''': ''You'' need to be saved. :'''Yami Yugi''': If you don't believe my words, then maybe this will convince you! :'''Rafael''': What are you holding? :'''Yami Yugi''': A card that forces you to take a closer look at yourself-- Underworld Circle! :'''Rafael''': What on earth does that do? :'''Yami Yugi''': BEHOLD! It's time to take some responsibility for what you've done, Rafael! Underworld Circle, activate! ====Part 3==== :'''Yami Yugi''': First, I'll use the magic of Underworld Circle to bring my Big Shield Gardna back from the graveyard! Then, I'll activate my Pot of Greed! This let me draw two cards. ''[thinking]'' Excellent. That's just the card I've been waiting for! ''[speaking]'' Time to face what you did… when you betrayed your heart! For now, I activate the magic card, Spider Web, which let me use a card from your graveyard! :'''Rafael''': What's the point of all this? :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm using my Spider Web to bring back your Monster Reborn card. And I'm planning on using it to save you by setting you free from the darkness! :'''Rafael''': Yeah, whatever. :'''Yami Yugi''': I use Monster Reborn to revive a creature that once saved your life and that you in turn, deserted! ''[resurects Guardian Eatos]'' :'''Rafael''': Eatos?! :'''Téa''': What's he gonna do with that card? :'''Mokuba''': Hopefully win. :'''Yami Yugi''': One more thing. ''[thinking]'' Joey… I can only accomplish this with your help. ''[speaking]'' I summon The Claw of Hermos! :'''Tristan''': Hey, Joey! Check it out, man! He just summoned your boy! :'''Yami Yugi''': And now, Hermos and Queen's Knight, combine together to form Goddess Bow! That doubles the attack points of Guardian Eatos! And since Eatos has been removed from your graveyard, your Dreadscythe gets weaker! :'''Rafael''': What are you up to? Our monsters are even now. So if you attack, they're both destroyed. But mine comes back! :'''Yami Yugi''': We'll see about that! I have a few more surprises planned! Eatos attack his Dreadscythe, NOW! I activate the special ability of my Goddess Bow! Now every time your Dreadscythe revives itself, Eatos can attack again! :'''Rafael''': No! :'''Yami Yugi''': And don't forget, with each attack, you lose another card! :'''Mokuba''': Of course! If Rafael runs out of cards, his monster can't come back! :'''Yami Yugi''': The dark flame of your Dreadscythe is now extinguished. ===''A Duel with Dartz'' [4.33-38]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Rafael''': Go! Hurry! Stop him! Stop Dartz! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Yes come home my children. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': Dude, what's with all these people chiseled in stone? :'''Téa''': They're just any people! Take a look! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[spots at Yugi, Joey, Mai, Pegasus, Weevil, Rex, Alister, Valon and all many people in stone]'' Oh, no! There's Mai and Weevil! :'''Tristan''': This must be everyone who lost their soul! :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi! :'''Dartz''': ''[voice-over]'' What a touching reunion. Too bad your friends turned out to be a bunch of stiffs. ''[laughing evilly and reveals himself from fire]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Dartz! :'''Dartz''': You were expecting someone else? Well, due to the carelessness of my employees, ''I'm'' the only one left. You can't find good help these days. :'''Kaiba''': Look, I want my company back, so can the small talk! :'''Dartz''': Is that so? Well, guess what? We all want something. As for me, I want your souls for my wall. I even have the spot picked out. :'''Kaiba''': Save it, Dartz! It'll take a lot more than a few party tricks to scare me! :'''Yami Yugi''': Now, for the last time, release our friends! :'''Dartz''': That's not possible. :'''Yami Yugi''': What do you mean? :'''Dartz''': I mean they've already been put to use. As we speak, their life energy supplies to the most devastating creature that ever lived. :'''Téa''': Oh, great. Now, what? :'''Dartz''': My 10,000 year old collection is almost complete. Once I get you two, the beast can rise. :'''Yami Yugi''': Hold on! You've been collecting souls for all those years?! Do you know how many lives you've destroyed?! :'''Dartz''': ''[snickers evilly]'' Millions! And each one of them deserved their fate! Take a moment to look around, won't you? Some of my favorite conquests are in this very room. And since it's taken me millennia to complete, it's quite the history lesson. :'''Tea''': He's right. Look at the outfits on these guys. :'''Mokuba''': So some of these people lived in the past? :'''Dartz''': Now you're catching on. Ever since the Great Leviathan was laid to rest, I've been gathering the energy necessary to fuel its rebirth. :'''Kaiba''': Come on, you expect us to believe that junk? :'''Dartz''': Ye of little faith. Just duel me and I promise I'll make a believer out of you, For when you lose, there will be no denying my power. :'''Kaiba''': Then let's stop talking and start dueling. :'''Yami Yugi''': You can't, Kaiba-- not alone. This lunatic is far too dangerous. :'''Dartz''': So why don't you join him? And when I defeat you, I'll get two souls for the price of one! :'''Yami Yugi''': All right. Ready, Kaiba? :'''Kaiba''': I'm way ahead of you. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Meanwhile… Rafael puts a soulless Valon on the back of the jeep along a soulless Mai on front seat]'' :'''Rafael''': Don't worry, I'll save you both. Mark my words, Dartz is gonna pay. <hr width="50%"/> :''[After the Pharaoh and Kaiba summon Blue-Eyes White Dragon and Black Luster Soldier, both monsters with 3000 attack points]'' :'''Mokuba''': All right! Dartz better watch out! They just summoned two major league monsters on their first turn! :'''Dartz''': Those pathetic creatures may work in your little card tournaments, but I'm afraid ''I'' play a completely different game-- a game in which the winner takes ALL, and the loser pays the ultimate price! This card was born from the darkness itself! ''[echoes]'' Behold, a power that has existed since the dawn of time. The very power that shall strip you of your souls! ''[plays the Seal of Orichalcos]'' :'''Kaiba''': Oh, no! :'''Yami Yugi''': The Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Mokuba''': Whoa. Do you feel that? :'''Tristan''': If you mean the sudden drop in temperature and that freaky evil vibe in the air, then yes, I do. :'''Téa''': ''[worried]'' Me too. :'''Dartz''': Now that I've set the tone for this duel, allow me to continue. Watch this… Arise, Orichalcos Gigas! :'''Yami Yugi''': I faced this beast before, and it was almost impossible to destroy, Kaiba. :'''Kaiba''': That's 'cause last time you didn't have me to bail you out. :'''Dartz''': Next, I'll sacrifice 500 of my Life Points. That let's me summon my Orichalcos Kyutora. And, thanks to the Seal, it gets an additional 500 points. All right. I guess that'll do for now. ====Part 2==== :''[Dartz, Yami Yugi, and Kaiba hovering above the city of Atlantis]'' :'''Dartz''': Behold, the lost city of Atlantis and all its glory. Just as it was 10,000 years ago, a perfect civilization or so I thought. Surrounded by oceans as far as the eye could see, we were isolated from the rest of the world. :''[A scene depicts the once glorious city of Atlantis and all of Earth's creatures]'' :'''Dartz''': Our lives were simple, we existed side by side with all of Earth's creatures and we knew nothing of violence. But, then that changed. :''[a meteor shower rains upon Atlantis]'' :'''Dartz''': Darkness ascended upon us and a strange substance rained down from the heavens. A substance that will change our lives. :'''Yami Yugi''': The Orichalcos. :'''Kaiba''': Please tell me that story time is over, I'd like to duel. :'''Dartz''': The tale of my past directly affects the fate of your future. So if I were you, I pay close attention. :''[it seems the city of Atlantis had changed]'' :'''Dartz''': Now thanks to the stones of the Orichalcos, the people of Atlantis needed advancement in technology that were never before imagine. And soon, I ruled over the most highly developed civilization the world had ever known. However, with progress comes greed and eventually violence, I knew what had to be done. But, my father, former king Ironheart had different ideas. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[shocked]'' Ironheart was your father?! But how? :'''Kaiba''': If you ask questions, this ridiculous story is never going to end. :'''Dartz''': That old fool never had what took to be king and on my 21st birthday, he allowed me to take over and filled his unimpressive shoes. So as technology continued to advance and the hearts of my people continued to seek deeper into the darkness. It was up to me to remedy the situation, the citizens of Atlantis were growing more and more selfish. And if I didn't act soon, I would lose complete control, but even I couldn't have imagine what would happen next. :''[The Orichalcos began to show the true nature of the Atlanteans]'' :'''Dartz''': The Orichalcos began to test us, it revealed the truth about who we were. :''[The people of Atlantis are beginning to turn into monsters]'' :'''Dartz''': Those who were wicked on the inside became wicked on the outside. :''[Meanwhile, Iona is struggling]'' :'''Dartz''': Iona, are you all right? :'''Dartz''': Wait, come back! What's going on?! :''[Dartz soon finds out that his beloved wife also turned into a monster]'' :'''Dartz''': Iona! :'''Dartz''': I didn't realize it first, but the true colors of my people were revealed to me that day. :'''Dartz''': But why? Why is this happening? :''[a bright green light appears in the water fountain]'' :'''Dartz''': I couldn't understand how a society as perfect as ours could crumble like this. :''[He picks up an Orichalcos stone]'' :'''Dartz''': But soon the Orichalcos would answer all my questions. The people of Atlantis were evil and I have been chosen to wipe them out and start over again. But I couldn't accomplish such a task on my own, I was but one man so the Orichalcos gave me a gift, something powerful enough to lead my fight against mankind. For deep below the Earth's surface lives the most incredible creature ever lived, the Great Leviathan! And it was mine, and shortly that this great beast will return to finish what it began! :'''Dartz''': I was ready to begin my task of recreating civilization on Earth, but one person stood in my way. :''[A scene where Ironheart, Chris, and Skye are in the throne room]'' :'''Ironheart''': My son, you know what you have to do. Destroy those Orichalcos stones so we can return the light we once knew. :''[Dartz sitting on his throne with a gold eye]'' :'''Dartz''': ''[laughs]'' Do you honestly believe that we can go back to the way things were. It's too late for that, Father. :'''Ironheart''': But, Dartz... :'''Dartz''': The true nature of our people have been exposed. We now know that the citizens of this planet are evil and must be destroy! :'''Ironheart''': What?! :'''Dartz''': You heard me, old man! We should be thanking the Orichalcos for showing us the truth. Not blaming it for the faults of mankind, but this mysterious substance that rained down above us had open up my eyes. Not only has it showed me what's wrong, it's given me the tools to fix it. For now I have the power to awaken a mighty creature known as the Great Leviathan! And by the power of the Orichalcos, this beast will rise up from the depths of the earth and fight by my side! And when I'm through, I shall rebuild civilization! :''[The stones have summoned an army of Orichalcos soldiers]'' :'''Ironheart''': Dartz! What's going on?! :''[Dartz laughs evilly]'' :'''Dartz''': Meet my Orichalcos soldiers! :'''Chris''': ''[scared]'' Grandpa, I'm scared! :'''Dartz''': If you join my side, you have nothing to fear. If not, farewell. :'''Ironheart''': We'll never join you! Never! Let's go, Chris! :''[They escape from the throne room]'' :'''Dartz''': Have it your way. :''[Dartz appears on his balcony and addresses his army]'' :'''Dartz''': The time has come to cleanse the world of its impurities! So arise my children and conquer the people of Earth! And this planet shall be yours! :''[Meanwhile Ironheart, Chris, and Skye are walking from their city and they enter a cave]'' :'''Chris''': What are we going to do, Grandpa? :'''Ironheart''': Your father is under the control of an evil force and he must be stopped. The future of our planet depends on it. Through there, hurry! :''[Chris and Skye suddenly runs through an carving of monsters on the walls]'' :'''Chris''': What's there? Why are those monsters carved in stone? :'''Ironheart''': We've come here to ask for their help. :''[The scene depicts the battle of Atlantis between Dartz's Orichalcos army and Ironheart's army of monsters]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': And so the Battle of Atlantis began! You see my father had opened up a gateway to the Dominion of the Beasts and he used the monsters within to form an army of his own. :'''Yami Yugi''': Tell me, what was the battle's outcome? :'''Dartz''': Neither side were victorious and Atlantis sunk to the bottom of the sea. My father's monster army were scattered around the world and sealed away until they be needed again. The Leviathan was drained of its power and also sealed away. It's taken me 10,000 years to gather the energy necessary to bring it back. All that's left of me to do is to defeat you two in this duel. Then your souls will awaken the Great Leviathan and my plan will finally come to pass. :'''Kaiba''': Hold on! We already defeated you! Our Master of Dragon Soldier should've wipe out the rest of your life points. :'''Dartz''': Perhaps it should have, but I'm afraid it didn't. Your pathetic attack failed short of its target. So this duel is still on. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Orichalcos Gigas, return! :'''Yami Yugi''': I told you, Kaiba. Each time his Gigas is destroyed, it comes back even stronger! :'''Dartz''': Face it, you'll never defeat me! The power of the Orichalcos will swallow you both! Now back to the duel. Since my Gigas returned to me, I can't draw a card. But no matter, everything I need is in my hand. So I'll enhance the power of the Seal with this-- the magic of Orichalcos Deuteros! ''[laughs evilly]'' :'''Kaiba''': What's going on?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Somehow he's made the Seal of Orichalcos stronger! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Dartz activates the Orichalcos Deuteros spell card, adding another layer to the Seal of Orichalcos]'' :'''Dartz''': Gentlemen, welcome to the second level of darkness! :'''Kaiba''': The what?! :'''Yami Yugi''': I don't know how. But Dartz just added another layer to the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Tea''': Right! So what does that mean? :'''Dartz''': The first benefit of my Orichalcos Deuteros, is the addition of 500 Life Points each turn for every monster I have on the field. Therefore, since I have two, that's 1,000 points! :'''Kaiba''': What?! How are we supposed to wipe him out?! :'''Dartz''': You're not. It makes me invincible! Next, I'll attack your Master of Dragon Soldier! Go, my Orichalcos Gigas! :'''Yami Yugi''': Nice try! But my dragon's too strong! :'''Dartz''': Kyutora, absorb ''all'' the damage! ''[chuckles]'' My Life Points are safe. And now, my Gigas returns! :'''Tristan''': That creep! He's letting his Orichalcos Gigas get its butt kicked on purpose, so it can come back stronger! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' That can't be it. His monster would have to be destroyed seven more times before it could defeat my dragon. So there must be more to his plan. Perhaps the secret lies in his Kyutora, and its ability to absorb attack damage. Yes! That creature must have another special ability! :'''Kaiba''': All right, Dartz, my move! ''[thinking]'' As long as that eyesore is on the field, it's pointless to attack his Orichalcos Gigas because Dartz won't lose any Life Points. Plus, Gigas will just come back stronger. But if I attack Dartz directly, I should be able to win the duel! ''[speaking]'' I place one card facedown on the field! And next… I summon my Blade Knight! And since I have only one card left in my hand, Blade Knight gets another 400 attack points! I think that'll do for now. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' He's setting himself up for something. :'''Kaiba''': ''[thinking]'' Yugi better not screw this up for me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kaiba''': Oh, no! That attack was supposed to hit Dartz, not his monster! :'''Yami Yugi''': It's a force field! But how did he create it? :'''Dartz''': By using the second layer of the Seal, of course. Whenever my Life Points are targeted, my Orichalcos Deuteros steps in to defend me. It's simple. ''I'' make a sacrifice so that your monster takes the hit! You know what that means, right? Your dragon just attacked itself! ====Part 3==== :'''Dartz''': So tell me, Gentlemen, what do you think of my newest soldiers? I'm sure there's no need for any introductions. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's not funny, Dartz. :'''Dartz''': Maybe not to you. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's enough. :'''Kaiba''': Just drop the magic act and let's duel. :'''Dartz''': But we are dueling, you insensible twit. We're just doing it by my rules, that's all. Since I now control the souls of your former friends, I thought it would be fun to let them play along with us. :'''Téa''': Leave them alone! :'''Tristan''': What did they do to you?! :'''Dartz''': You should be thanking me. :'''Yami Yugi''': And why's that? :'''Dartz''': I'm giving you one last chance to see your companions. Before their souls are gone forever. :'''Yami Yugi''': You'll never take them away from us, Dartz! :'''Dartz''': That's right, Pharaoh. Let your anger consume you. Feel the darkness within you beginning to spread. The stronger your rage, the more powerful the Great Leviathan will be when it absorbs your soul. Now where we? Ah, yes. Mirror Knight Yugi. It's time to attack your other half. :'''Yami Yugi''': No, Yugi! Fight it! I know you can hear me! :''[Yugi struggles to fight against Dartz's command]'' :'''Dartz''': What's this? My soldier is still loyal to you? How touching. [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Self_Destruction|Even though you turned your back on him, he refuses to seek revenge]]. That will soon change. :'''Yami Yugi''': We'll see. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Kaiba! :'''Kaiba''': Just save it! That second-rate chump has held me back for the last time! Different Dimension Dragon Attack! :'''Yami Yugi''': No! Don't do this! :'''Kaiba''': Too late! :''[Knight Yugi's shield disintegrates]'' :'''Kaiba''': No way! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': You don't look happy to see me, and after all we've been through. Where's the love? Don't answer that. I've heard enough lies from ''you''. The Pharaoh opened me up to the truth. :'''Dartz''': Really? :'''Rafael''': Yeah, really. Thanks to him, [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Grappling_with_a_Guardian|I was able to escape the seal of orichalcos with my soul still intact]] unlike them and everyone else you used. Now set them free before you end up on that wall. :'''Dartz''': Your soul may have been spared, but it sounds like the orichalcos took what was left of your brain. :'''Rafael''': What's that supposed to mean? :'''Dartz''': It means you're more gullible than ever. Do you honestly think the darkness that once controlled you is gone? :'''Rafael''': Yes. The Pharaoh set me free. :'''Dartz''': Did he... Hmm. Or did he just trick you the way you think I did? :'''Rafael''': Stop it! You're messing with my head. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Rafael, You mustn't listen to him. :'''Rafael''': Everything is your fault. ''You'' took ''me'' from my family. :'''Dartz''': I needed your anger, your thirst for revenge. :'''Rafael''': ''[enraged]'' '''YOU RUINED MY LIFE, YOU MONSTER!''' ====Part 4==== :'''Dartz''': It's time to reinforce the sacred Seal with its most powerful layer thus far! Behold the ancient magic of my Orichalcos Tritos! ''[adds a third layer to the Seal of Orichalcos]'' Welcome to level 3, gentlemen. :'''Yami Yugi''': How can the Seal possibly get any stronger?! :'''Dartz''': We're dealing with a force greater than the darkest shadows and older than time itself. Does that answer your question? :'''Mokuba''': Whoa! :'''Téa''': His Life Points are out of control! :'''Dartz''': Orichalcos Malevolence, use your special ability to switch Kaiba's dragon into attack mode! So I'm afraid this is goodbye. With an attack strength of only 1400, your dragon is far too weak to defend your Life Points. :'''Kaiba''': So that means… :'''Yami Yugi''': You lose! :'''Dartz''': Now my beast, bring Kaiba's soul to me! :'''Kaiba''': Wrong! I activate my Shrink card! :'''Dartz''': ''[chuckles and the third layer of the Seal destroys Kaiba's magic card]'' Is it beginning to sink in yet? When used properly, the Seal of Orichalcos is unmatched by any other card in the game! And due to its third layer, your magic and trap cards are useless against me! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Kyutora has ''another'' ability! Whenever it's destroyed, it '''''evolves!''''' :''[Orichalcos Kyutora is destroyed and Orichalcos Shunoros appears]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Oh, no! What's going on?! :'''Kaiba''': What is that?! :'''Dartz''': My little friend is all grown up, so playtime's over! Gentlemen, I'd like you meet Orichalcos Shunoros! :'''Kaiba''': Did you see what I see?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Unfortunately. :'''Téa''': See what? :'''Tristan''': That thing's got 20,000 points! :'''Dartz''': Don't look so surprised. ''You're'' the ones who created this unstoppable beast! You may have destroyed my previous monsters, but you unleashed something far worse! :'''Yami Yugi''': It can wipe us out in one strike! :'''Dartz''': You're absolutely right, but before I do that, I have some more bad news to share. Orichalcos Shunoros, activate your special ability! Release Orichalcos Dexia… and Orichalcos Aristeros! :'''Yami Yugi''': What's the meaning of this?! :'''Dartz''': Allow me to clear things up. Shunoros just released two more creatures. The first one is known as Dexia, and its attack strength is always 300 points higher than the monster it's battling, making it the perfect sword! And the second one is just as strong. It will intercept every one of your attacks and retaliate with a blast that's 300 points greater than the one you fired, making Orichalcos Aristeros the perfect shield! You'll never get past my triple threat! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' Not only is his monster more powerful than Kaiba's dragon… but with Dexia and Aristeros on the front line, our attacks won't even get through! :'''Dartz''': I activate the trap card, Martyr Curse! This forces one of your monsters to engage in a battle with one of my monsters. And as a nasty little side effect, it cancels out any special abilities your creature may have. And since I don't seem to have much of a choice, I'll target your Mirror Force Dragon! Without its reflecting power, your dragon's completely defenseless, which means you're about to be out one soul! Orichalcos Shunoros, remove Kaiba's Life Points so the Orichalcos can remove his spirit! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Kaiba's Wish of Final Effort trap card increases Yugi's Life Points and loses his soul when his Life Points dropped down to zero…]'' :'''Dartz''': Pharaoh, it looks like you're the soul survivor. :'''Yami Yugi''': You disgust me. :'''Dartz''': I'll tell you what. Since I already have what I need... You can keep the rest of him! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Don't worry, Pharaoh. Your friends are fine. I don't need weak souls. I just wanted to spend some quality time with you, one-on-one. Is that so wrong? :'''Yami Yugi''': That's enough! :'''Dartz''': But there's something I think you'll want to know. You and I met 5,000 years ago when you were king of Egypt. We may not have been officially introduced, but I was there watching you. :'''Yami Yugi''': Go on. :'''Dartz''': When the battle of Atlantis ended, I thought the Great Leviathan was gone forever. That is, until I met you. :'''Yami Yugi''': Hold on! What does that evil creature of yours have to do with me?! :'''Dartz''': I thought you'd never ask. Behold the Palace of the Pharaoh in year 3000 B.C.! Ring any bells? Hmm? ====Part 5==== :'''Joey''': Huh? I've had some weird dreams, but this one takes the cake. Wait, hold on. I remember being trapped in a duel, but... how did I end up floating around in here? :'''Yugi Muto''': ''[offscreen]'' Joey? Is that you? :'''Joey''': Yugi! Long time no see! :'''Yugi''': I'm glad you're all right! :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': Please, bubble boy, you call this "all right"? :'''Yugi and Joey''': Pegasus! :'''Pegasus''': If we don't escape soon, we never will! :'''Joey''': Hmm? Where exactly are we, anyway, Huh? ''[spots at Valon, Mai Valentine, Weevil Underwood, Rex Raptor, Alister, Rafael and Seto Kaiba]'' Wait! Everyone in here had their soul captured! This must be where the orichalcos spits you out after you lose a duel! Aah! Calm down. Maybe it is just a dream. Uh... :'''Yugi''': It's no dream. And take a look, Joey. Things are about to get worse! :'''Joey''': What's that!? :'''Pegasus''': Don't you pay attention? That's the Great Leviathan, and it's using human souls for power. :'''Joey''': It's doing what!? But I don't wanna be turned into soul food! :'''Yugi''': We can still get out of this mess if the Pharaoh defeats Dartz! :'''Joey''': Huh? But how see gonna do that? ''[looks at Seto Kaiba]'' Rich boy's with us now. That means.... The Pharaoh's facing Dartz alone out there! :'''Yugi''': Wrong. Kaiba may have been knocked outta the fight... But the Pharaoh's not alone, Joey. :'''Joey''': I'm afraid I don't follow, Yuge. :'''Yugi''': He's still got all of us. Sure, we're not right there next to him, but we've never let that stop us before. :'''Joey''': Yeah, but I don't know if that's gonna work this time, 'Cause Dartz is playin' by a whole new set a rules. and nothing can take down that orichalcos card. :'''Pegasus''': There is one thing that can help. :'''Joey''': Huh? :'''Pegasus''': It's the card I gave him. And if the Pharaoh draws it, He'll be able to unleash a force like no other. :'''Joey''': In this card can beat Dartz? :'''Pegasus''': Yes. You see, it was during a trip to Egypt that I was inspired to create the game of duel monsters after making an astonishing discovery. Ancient kings and sorcerers once performed dark rituals to conjure real monsters. These creatures were believed to have lived in a universe parallel to ours, and guarding the gateway to this dominion of the beasts were three legendary dragons known as Timaeus, Critias, and Hermos. But you already know about them, right? :'''Joey''': Right. :'''Pegasus''': What you don't know is that these dragons aren't what they appear to be. They were buried with a dark secret. So I created a card that unlocks this mystery. :'''Yugi''': I don't get it. What's the secret? :'''Pegasus''': I spent many years scouring the globe trying to find an answer to that very question, Yugi boy. First I searched the microscopic world for the tiniest clues. then I scanned the vast reaches of the universe, and still nothing. Other than on stone tablet hidden deep beneath the sands of Egypt, there was no record of the existence of these dragons. Then it dawned on me. What if these dragons aren't dragons at all? What if they're humans! :'''Yugi''': Humans!? But how is that possible, Pegasus? and what does it have to do with that mystery card you gave to the Pharaoh? :'''Pegasus''': During the battle of Atlantis, Dartz transformed three brave knights into dragons in an effort to weaken them. Now the Pharaoh must restore them to their original form... Before we disappear forever! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': ''[shocked by the Pharaoh's Millennium Puzzle preventing the Orichalcos to take his soul]'' Impossible! No one can overcome the power of the Orichalcos! You should have lost the duel! What's going on?! Why didn't the Seal take your soul?! Tell me! :'''Yami Yugi''': You forced me to gaze inside my heart, thinking I would find only darkness. But you were wrong. :'''Dartz''': Then you gazed in the wrong place! :'''Yami Yugi''': Look, believe what you wish, but I know the truth. My heart is filled with the light of friendship, and no magic can take that away, no matter how strong it is. So, thank you. You reminded me that my friends are always with me. And we're going to win this fight and take you down together! Dartz… It all ends right now! ''[draws and gasps; thinking]'' It's the card Pegasus gave me! I can sense it! :'''Dartz''': Well? Get on with it. :'''Yami Yugi''': Do you know what's in my hand? The key to unlocking the secret of the legendary dragons! :'''Dartz''': ''[gasps]'' What?! :'''Yami Yugi''': You heard me. Legend of Heart! I give up 1,000 Life Points and remove my Obnoxious Celtic Guardian from the field! This lets me summon Critias, Hermos, and Timaeus in their true form! :'''Timaeus''': Finally! After 10 millennia in captivity, we've been set free! :'''Dartz''': No! Not them! :''[The three legendary knights appear in their true forms on Yugi's side of the field]'' :'''Timaeus''': I am he who is named Timaeus! :'''Critias''': And I am… Sir Critias! :'''Hermos''': I am known as… Sir Hermos! :'''Legendary Knights''': In the name of Atlantis… we have been reborn! :'''Dartz''': ''[shocked in disbelief]'' I thought I took care of you centuries ago! ''[The three knights slam their swords onto the ground and destroy the Seal of Orichalcos; horrified]'' What have you done?! My precious Seal is gone! :'''Hermos''': Your ring of darkness is useless in our presence! :'''Critias''': Did you forget our last encounter? :'''Timaeus''': I certainly did not. And I have a score to settle with you! :'''Yami Yugi''': The time has come to weaken your defense! ====Part 6==== <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': You lose, Dartz. Your 10,000 year quest is finally over. :'''Dartz''': It can't be. I've come too close. All I need is one more powerful soul and the Great Leviathan will arise from the depths of the earth. :'''Yami Yugi''': Too little, too late. Your serpent has been destroyed, and with that, our duel come to an end. Now release the souls of my friends and everyone else you've held captive. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Téa''': ''[in tears]'' It is you, Yugi! :'''Yugi''': Téa? :'''Téa''': I thought we'd never see you again! :'''Yugi''': It's good to see you, too. :'''Joey''': All right, Out of my way people. Where's my little buddy? Ha Ha! Yug! Man did I miss this spikey little head. :'''Yugi''': Hey, Joey! :'''Téa''': The gang is back! :'''Tristan''': Don't forget about me! <hr width="50%"/> ===''Rise of the Great Beast'' [4.39-40]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Dark Magician Girl''': Monsters, unite. Without us all hope is lost. We must join forces with the humans! And together we shall defeat the Great Beast. Now go! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': That Leviathan's a goner! It's 3 on 1 up there! :'''Kaiba''': I see you can count! Unfortunately, numbers aren't everything! :'''Yugi''': You can do this, Pharaoh! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': My Leviathan is fueled by the darkness of my prisoners! :'''The Pharaoh''': Wrong, Dartz! I was able to transform the darkness in their hearts to light! A light which now fuels MY beasts! :'''Dartz''': NO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, PHARAOH?!?! :'''Kaiba''': Hey, look! I guess the Gods did pull through! :'''Joey''': Told ya! That means everyone Dartz captured is free! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': I'm back. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi''': Look! It’s the portal that led us here! :'''Joey''': Alright! Home sweet home here we come! <hr width="50%"/> ====Part 2==== :'''Dartz''': Now, Great Leviathan! Crush the Pharaoh with his own darkness! :'''Yugi''': Let him go! :'''Yami Yugi''': No! Get back! :'''Yugi''': Huh? :'''Yami Yugi''': This is my fight now, I must prove that my rage is gone! ''[Yugi gasps flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|Yami Yugi and Rafael's first duel, the Pharaoh activated The Seal of Oricalcos card]]. flashback ends]'' When I played that card, I unlocked the evil in my heart, Ever since then, I’ve been fighting the anger within me, and now it’s destroying me. :'''Yugi''': But you stopped it… Didn’t you? :'''Yami Yugi''': No, Yugi! Listen. Facing you in that duel was a first step, But there’s a long way to go. ''[grunting]'' The darkness… It’s power knows no bounds. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Self Destruction|Yami and Yugi’s duel in the Stone Wasteland]] flashback ends.]'' :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh! Be strong! Focus on the good inside you! Think of your friends! :'''Yami Yugi''': Of course. As long as I’m filled with the light of friendship, Dartz can’t win. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#A Duel with Dartz|their duel]] and flashback ends]'' Thanks to my friends, I have enough light to banish the darkness! So with the power of everyone in my heart, I shall seal you away! '''BE GONE!''' :'''Dartz''': Great Leviathan, vanquish the Pharaoh's spirit for all eternity! :'''Yugi''': Get out while you can! :'''Yami Yugi''': You must trust me! :'''Dartz''': '''NO! THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE!''' :''[?]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Man''': The hurricane, It seens to be gone. :'''Captain''': Are you sure you're reading that thing right? :''[Back at Monument Valley, Duke Devlin, Rebecca and Professor Arthur Hawkins saw dark clouds are lifting out to the skylight.]'' :'''Arthur Hawkins''': The Darkness is Lifting. :''[Back at Atlantis]'' :'''Yugi''': You did it. ''[Yami collapses he helps him]'' Hey, are you all right? :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm fine, Yugi, The Great Leviathan is gone. :'''Yugi''': Yeah. Thanks, pal. It's over now. ''[spots at Dartz]'' But what about Dartz? :''[Dartz wakes up his dark side is gone then the light glow when Ironheart, Chris and Skye appears]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi, Look it's Ironheart, and Chris. :'''Dartz''': Father, Chris, It's you. :'''Chris''': Dad, you're back! :'''Ironheart''': My son, At long last. And you have the great pharaoh to thank. He drove out the evil force that controlled you. :'''Dartz''': Oh. :'''Yami Yugi''': I knew it. Deep down you're a noble ruler, Dartz. :'''Chris''': And a great father! I've missed you so much, Dad. :'''Ironheart''': Your work here is now complete. You may go in place. Great things await you. So return now to your world by stepping through that portal. :'''Yugi''': But what about you? Are you guys gonna be OK? :'''Ironheart''': Yes, For the first time in centuries. :'''Yami Yugi''': Alright, Yugi let's go back home. :''[Pharaoh and Yugi walked toward the portal and looks at Chris, Dartz, Ironheart and Skye and they walked off enter the portal and disappears Chris looks at her father.]'' :'''Chris''': Hey, Dad. We should go too. After all this time, We have a lot of catching up to do. :''[Dartz smiled agreed with his daughter now the Atlantis is going down to the ocean and splashed towards Dartz's lair.]'' :'''Seto Kaiba''': Mokuba! Start the engines! :'''Mokuba Kaiba''': Seto! :'''Seto''': We have to get out of here. :'''Téa Gardner''': Without Yugi? No way. :'''Joey Wheeler''': Eh? :'''Téa''': Don't you know where he is? :'''Joey''': Don't tell me. :'''Téa''': You mean he's still in there!? :'''Mokuba''': Time's running out! :'''Seto''': Mokuba's right. We can't wait. :'''Joey''': Yugi! :'''Tristan Taylor''': Are you nuts man! :'''Joey''': Get your hands off of me Tristan! I’m not leaving here without Yugi! :'''Tristan''': Joey, we have to trust that he found the way out on his own! :'''Joey''': YUGI! :''[the gang hops in the KaibaCorp helicopter and takes off as Dartz's lair is washed down. Inside the helicopter Téa, Rafael, Tristan, Joey, Kaiba and Mokuba.]'' :'''Seto''': Good riddance. :'''Mokuba''': I just hope Yugi wasn't in there. :'''Téa''': Me, too. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the Hospital Rex and Weevil wakes up was that a dream.]'' :'''Weevil Underwood''': Where am i? Mommy? :'''Rex Raptor''': Hey! Who's said that!? :'''Weevil/Rex''': Huh! Oh! :'''Rex''': What are you doing in my bedroom, Weevil!? :'''Weevil''': Your bedroom!? You're in a hospital, You dimwit! :'''Rex''': What happened!? :'''Weevil''': I know who fault this is. :'''Rex''': ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#On the Wrong Track|Joey's]].'' :'''Weevil''': ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#On the Wrong Track|Yugi's]].'' :'''Both''': '''YOU'RE PAY FOR THIS! YOU HEAR ME!?''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alister''': Mikey, I know you're out there somewhere, And I'm not gonna stop looking until I find you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': ''[wakes up]'' I’m home. ''[thinking]'' Was that all a dream? ''[flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fighting for a Friend|Joey and Valon's last duel]]. Flashback ends he gets up the bed and the card fell off he spotted the Harpie Lady card and holds it walked outside the beach house and smiling looked at the sky]'' I'll never forget you. Thanks Mai. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mai driving on her motorcycle at the beach]'' :'''Mai Valentine''': ''[thinking]'' ''I'm glad that mess is over. Now to pick up the pieces.'' ''[In Mai's flashbacks, it shows the beginning of how she entered the Doma organization, when she met [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#An_Unexpected_Enemy|Yugi's friends and running towards Joey]] [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Fighting_for_a_Friend|before he became unconscious]]. Flashbacks ends]'' ''Sorry Joey. But I can't face you yet. So I'm gonna hit the road until I'm ready to own up to everything for what have I've done. But I'll be back.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dark Magician Girl''': ''[voice-over]'' Yugi, Wake up. :'''Yugi''': ''[wakes up and surprised on the beach and sees the sunset on the ocean.]'' Any idea where we are? :'''Yami Yugi''': It seems we've washed up on shore. But I wonder how. Someone must have guided us here. Hmm. :'''Yugi''': Hey, look! ''[sees Dark Magician Girl along with Timaeus, Hermos and Critias appears]'' It's Dark Magician Girl! :'''Yami Yugi''': And she's brought with her the three legendary knights. :'''Dark Magician Girl''': We four are forever in your debt. Not only have you rescued your own world, But you've saved the creatures of our world as well. Thanks to your fearlessness. The dominion of the beasts can once again flourish just as it did so many years ago. And by breaking the evil spell that imprisoned the legendary knights. They can continue to protect our land. :'''Yugi''': I'm just glad we could help. :'''Timaeus''': Thank you both. You fought bravely. Farewell. :'''Critias''': You two will never be forgotten. :'''Hermos''': For as long as we reign. :'''Yami Yugi''': Well, We couldn't have done it without you. In the face of ultimate darkness, Your couragfousness sparked a light so incredibly strong it will burn for all eternity. :'''Timaeus''': Thank you, Pharaoh. We shall meet again. :''[The legendary knights flying off together.]'' :'''Dark Magician Girl''': The time may come that we need each other again. If so, You know where I'll be. Right there in your deck. :''[she flying off with the legendary knights together then inside the KaibaCorp helicopter]'' :'''Téa''': Look, those weird lights are back. :'''Joey''': Well, that explains why? It's Dark Magician Girl and the three legendary knights. :'''Téa''': I guess they’re going home. Now that their world is safe again. :'''Yugi''': ''[sees "The Eye of Timaeus" card disappears]'' Well, Pharaoh there goes our Timaeus. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes Yugi, There goes Timaeus. :'''Joey''': ''[sees "The Claw of Hermos" card disappears]'' Well, there goes Hermos. :'''Kaiba''': ''[sees "The Fang of Critias" card disappears]'' Oh well... No big deal. My deck's still unstoppable. :'''Téa''': I hope Yugi's all right. ''[spots Yugi on the island]'' Look! :'''Mokuba''': Huh? :'''Joey''': Eh? :'''Tristan''': Huh? Hey! It's Yugi! :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh! Over there! They made it out! :'''Yami Yugi''': You're right. :''[KaibaCorp helicopter lands on the beach and the door open]'' :'''Joey''': Yugi! :'''Tea''': I knew we find you. :'''Tristan''': Hey man! :'''Joey''': ''[giggling]'' I'll never let this spikey head of yours is outta my sight. :'''Tea''': Is it really all over? :'''Yugi''': Yep, we're safe now. :'''Mokuba''': ''[next to Seto Kaiba behind Rafael]'' Hey, Yugi! :'''Joey''': Let's hit the high road folks, I'm sure there's someone else trying to taking over the world back home. :'''Tristan''': You know the scary thing is he's probably right. :''[The gang hops the KaibaCorp helicopter when Yugi sees the Pharaoh watches the sunsets down the ocean.]'' :'''Tea''': ''[offscreen]'' Yugi, is something wrong? :'''Yugi''': I'll be right there, Tea. ''[The Pharaoh and Yugi looked at each other as the sun going down the ocean.]'' ''[voice over]'' ''We may have stopped Dartz, but the Pharaoh's not done yet. Now he has to pick up where he left off before all this craziness started 'cause the biggest adventure of all is still ahead. And it won't be over till the pharaoh unlocks the secrets of his past. He needs to learn who he really is and why he was sent back here. Maybe then his spirit'll finally be able to rest. Well, no matter what happens, one thing's for sure... whatever he finds out there... and whatever he needs to face... he won't have to do it alone.'' ==External links== {{wikipedia|Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (season 4)}} {{Yu-Gi-Oh!}} [[Category:Yu-Gi-Oh! seasons|4]] [[Category:Children's television seasons]] fawa37uszw8xqmo6yfo4o55u2byf045 3778984 3778983 2025-07-15T02:17:10Z 2001:8003:DD49:F700:70BE:E456:AB7D:24BF /* Grappling with a Guardian [4.30-32] */ 3778984 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''Seasons''': [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 1)|1]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 2)|2]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 3)|3 Enter the Shadow Realm]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)|4 Waking the Dragons]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 5)|5 Grand Championship and Dawn of the Duel]] | '''Movies''': [[Yu-Gi-Oh! The Movie: Pyramid of Light]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Dark Side of Dimensions|The Dark Side of Dimensions]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh!: Bonds Beyond Time|Bonds Beyond Time]] | [[Yu-Gi-Oh!|Main]] ---------------- The following is a list of quotes from the fourth season of '''''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'''''. ==Waking the Dragons Arc== ===''A New Evil'' [4.01-02]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Rex Raptor''': Ever hear of stepping aside?! :'''Weevil Underwood''': Yeah! What's your problem? :'''Gurimo''': The problem should be yours when I strip you two fools of your souls. :'''Rex Raptor''': Does the Grim Reaper know you've raided his wardrobe? :'''Gurimo''': ''[his eyes glow green, explaining the Orichalcos]'' ''Quod valedico vestrum animus.'' :'''Rex Raptor''': Say what?! :'''Weevil Underwood''': I-I think you just got him mad! :'''Gurimo''': Rise on your feet and Duel! ''[activates his Chaos Duel Disk and Weevil and Rex scream in terror off-screen]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Great deities of domination, I call upon thee. Use the pharaoh's force to penetrate the dominion of the beasts and liberate the fury of 10,000 years. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gurimo''': Your fate is now sealed. ====Part 2==== :'''Alister''': Looks like someone needs a rest. :'''Valon''': The boss warned us that the Egyptian God Cards and the magic of the Orichalcos might not mix so well, didn't he? :'''Alister''': I think that geezer's just getting too old for this. :'''Rafael''': Well, that's why we made him Duel first, right? To test the Pharaoh's strength. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Now why does all these weird stuff always happen to us? ''[Yugi is silent]'' You've gotta admit, it's true. :''[Rebecca runs up to meet Yugi]'' :'''Rebecca''': Yugi! ''[Hugs Yugi]'' :'''Yugi''': ''[Very surprised]'' Uh, hey....you! :'''Rebecca''': Oh no, don't tell me you forgot about me already! :'''Tristan''': Yet another weird event to add to the list. :'''Joey''': And this one tops them all. :'''Tristan''': It's probably best if we don't interfere! :'''Tea''': ''[Leaning towards Yugi]'' Do you know this person, Yugi? :'''Yugi''': Um, I don't think so. :'''Rebecca''': Maybe this will refresh your memory! ''[Holds up a card]'' :'''Yugi''': ''[After flashback]'' Ah, Rebecca! :'''Joey''': It's that brat! :'''Rebecca''': Hi! ''[Big smile; waves her hand]'' :'''Joey''': Wait, she looks different. Did she get a haircut or something? :'''Tristan''': No dude, she traded her teddy bear for glasses. :'''Rebecca''': ''[Hugs Yugi]'' I don't need a bear... now that I've got a boyfriend to protect me! :'''Tea''': Um, excuse me? A boyfriend!? :'''Rebecca''': ''[Another hug]'' My grandpa is also really excited to see you Yugi! :'''Yugi''': Professor Hawkins? :'''Rebecca''': Yeah, he's waiting at the Museum. :'''Tea''': Grrr... ''[Anime vein throb]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arthur''': Remarkable, Isn't it? :'''Solomon''': That's my boy. :'''Yugi''': Hey, guys! :'''Arthur''': Yugi Muto. You're just the person I need to see. I have a theory that all of these monster sightings have something to do with you. :'''Yugi''': Huh. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': Here we are, gang, Home, sweet home. :'''Rafael''': Wait til the boss hears we found the Pharaoh. ===''Legend of the Dragons'' [4.03]=== :'''Rafael''': We located the Pharaoh, Master. Unfortunately, we weren't able to capture his soul. :'''Dartz''': I didn't expect you to defeat him this soon. We've just begun. :'''Rafael''': But you know me, Master. I never come back empty handed. ''[walks forward with a small wooden box, and opens it to reveal the three Egyptian God Cards inside]'' :'''Dartz''': Excellent, the Egyptian Gods. ''[reaches out and takes the three cards in his hand]'' At long last. I've waited an eternity to hold their power in my hands. ''[the cards begin glowing]'' I finally possess the supreme force necessary to awaken the Great Beast! ''[walks to the altar at the far end of the temple]'' Soon we shall rid the Earth of mankind, and rebuild civilization as it once was! ''[places the Egyptian God Cards in the mouths of three huge stone serpents, with Ra in the middle, Slifer on the right and Obelisk on the left]'' Serpents of the Orichalcos, please hear my call! ''[raises his hands in worship]'' I offer thee the Gods of Egypt! Use their divine might to unlock the sacred chamber of the Great Beast! Awaken him from his ancient slumber by accepting my offering! :''[Dartz laughs evilly as the three cards emanate a powerful beam of energy, which then shoots up past the temple roof and into the sky, culminating in an explosion of white light which clears to reveal an array of multicoloured lights floating in the sky]'' :'''Dartz''': The time has arrived, my friends. Finally, after ten thousand years, the Great Leviathan shall rise again! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dark Magician Girl''': We’ve only just begun. The great beast is still weak so he retreated for the moment. And for that my companions and I are truly my Pharaoh. But many of us remain prisoners on the other side. :'''Yugi''': What’s next? :'''Dark Magician Girl''': The great beast will return again… and his power will grow! He must be stopped before he is fully restored! Time is running out! ===''The Creator Returns'' [4.04]=== :'''Dartz''': Rafael! :'''Rafael''': Yes, Master Dartz. ''[kneels before Dartz]'' I know what to do. I'll find the Pharaoh. And this time, I'll make sure we drain his power to feed the Great Beast, sir. :'''Dartz''': Why don't you try listening? It's really a wonderful skill. ''[turns around]'' And when you master it, you'll realise that we need more than just the Pharaoh's soul! :'''Alister''': Then we'll deal with the others too. I'll take Kaiba. :'''Valon''': I got my eye on someone too. That feisty little bloke Joey Wheeler. ''[laughs]'' He should be fun to take apart. :'''Alister''': I know why you're after Wheeler. :'''Valon''': Mind your own business, Alister! What about you? Why the sudden interest in Kaiba? :'''Alister''': Look, I have my reasons, Valon. :'''Valon''': Really?! :'''Rafael''': Knock it off! We're in the presence of Master Dartz! :'''Dartz''': The Pharaoh and his friends are on his way to speak with the one we've been watching. Just make certain that you reach him before they do. :'''Rafael''': Pegasus? :'''Dartz''': And to think, I called you a bad listener. Now go see Pegasus at once! :''[Alister and Valon join Rafael in kneeling before Dartz]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': I can’t believe the very monsters I made famous and now terrorising people around the world. Oh. Talk about bad publicity. :'''Mai Valentine''': Do you always talk to yourself like that? :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': ''[turns looks at the window shelf a strange figure is Mai Valentine]'' Huh? :'''Mai Valentine''': You got to get yourself some friends, honey. :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': But how did you get past my security? :'''Mai Valentine''': I guess your office isn’t as secure as you think it is, money bags. :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': I know you, you’re Mai Valentine. Tell me, why did you come here? :'''Mai Valentine''': Good question. I came here to duel you. And to take your soul. :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': '''NO!''' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Yugi and his friends at the airport]'' :'''Yugi''': I'll see you soon, Grandpa. :'''Solomon''': Take care, Yugi. And don't forget to keep your seats upright during takeoff. And don't fill up on peanuts. :'''Yugi''': Sure, bye, Grandpa. :'''Tea Gardner''': Well, we're off. :'''Joey Wheeler''': Thanks for the ride. :'''Solomon''': You kids be careful, now! :''[Weevil and Rex are sneaking to followed Yugi and his friends to hiding in the bag.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pegasus''': Kaiba boy! I missed you! ===''Deja Duel!'' [4.05-06]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Mokuba''': Seto, We're approaching Duelist Kingdom. :'''Seto''': I'll try to make this quick. The less time I spend here, the better. :'''Mokuba''': Me, too. This place has nothing but bad memories. :'''Seto''': Initiate the landing sequence now. :'''Mokuba''': You got it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pegasus''': I just haven't been myself lately. in fact... ''[in Alister's voice]'' I mean that quite literally. :'''Mokuba''': What's going on? :'''Alister''': Surprise! ''[chuckling]'' :''[he rips himself off, revealing Alister]'' :'''Alister''': I've waited for this day for a long time, Kaiba-boy. :'''Seto''': You're gonna pay for tricking me like that! :'''Alister''': ''[as Pegasus' voice]'' Pretty good imitation, right? :'''Seto''': Identify yourself. :'''Alister''': ''[normal voice]'' Alister's the name, Kaiba boy! Now let's duel! ''[activates his chaos duel disk and draws a card]'' Hm. ''[holds up "The Seal of Orichalcos" card]'' This magic card is about to change everything. Activating the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Seto''': What's that? :'''Mokuba''': This is nuts! :'''Seto''': Explain yourself now! :'''Alister''': Oh, as if you're gonna believe me? :'''Seto''': Try me. :'''Alister''': We're trapped in here till the duel's over. Then once I crush you, I'll be able to get out. Hmm. Of course, you on the other hand won't be quite as lucky as myself Kaiba boy. :'''Seto''': What do you mean? :'''Alister''': When you lose, your soul will be locked away for all eternity... But this time, you won't be set free! :''[To Be Continued...]'' ====Part 2==== :'''Alister''': Let's get on with this. I summon Gorlag in attack mode! And here's a little bonus. :'''Seto''': Your monster just got stronger! But how?! :'''Alister''': Remember the Seal of Orichalcos? As long as it stays active on the field, every one of my monsters gets 500 attack point boost. :'''Seto''': What?! :'''Alister''': You heard me. Plus, my Gorlag gets another 500 points for every fire monster on the field. :'''Seto''': There are none! :'''Alister''': Oh, no? What do you think my Gorlag's made of? Ready, Gorlag? Attack his Versago the Destroyer, now! ''[Gorlag attacks Seto's monster and it reappears on his side of the field]'' :'''Seto''': ''[thinking]'' What's that?! :'''Alister''': Did I forget to mention my Gorlag's ''other'' special ability? Every time he destroys one of my opponent's monsters, that very same monster reappears on ''my'' side of the field-- only this time, it becomes a creature of fire! And you remember what happens when a creature of fire is on the field, right? My Gorlag gets even stronger! It's over for you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alister''': It used to be my brother's! But I'll never see him again… 'cause your father took him away from me! <hr width="50%"/> ===''An Unexpected Enemy'' [4.07]=== :'''Rafael''': Someone out there likes to crash parties. Let's find out who. ''[drives off]'' :'''Valon''': I already know. And I know just where she's going too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Don't we get a "hi"? What's with the silent treatment, Mai. :'''Mai''': I'm not Mai. at least not the Mai you knew. :'''Joey''': What? :'''Mai''': You heard me. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#The Creator Returns (E.4)|she and Pegasus' duel at Industrial Illusions]], flashback ends.]'' Alright, gang. ''[holds up the card is Maximillion Pegasus' soul is captured by the Seal of Orichalcos]'' Say hello to Pegasus. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[shocked]'' What? :'''Tristan''': Whoa... Is that really him? :'''Téa''': Ah... Question: Did you do that to him? :'''Joey''': Look! You better start talking! :'''Valon''': ''[offscreen]'' or else what!? :'''Joey''': Huh? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Joey, Yami Yugi, Téa and Tristan spots at Valon and Rafael on top]'' :'''Valon''': What's the matter, Wheeler, did your little reunion with Mai not go as well as you expected it to do? ''[to Mai]'' And you! Why are you keeping these guys all for yourself, Mai? Why don't you show some manners and share the fun with us? :'''Mai''': Mind your own business, you lackey. These geeks are mine, so deal with it. :'''Joey''': Geeks!? But we're your friends, Mai. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_3)#One_for_the_Road|Joey and Mai after the battle city finals]]]'' Please, Mai! Tell me this is all a joke! You're on ''our'' side, remember?! :'''Tristan''': Great. Mai totally sold ''us'' out! :'''Téa''': No! Mai would never do that! Tell him. You're still ''our'' friend, right? :'''Yami Yugi''': Time to explain yourself. :'''Mai''': I was never a ''part'' of your little playgroup. And now I'm gonna break you apart one-by-one. ''[activates her chaos duel disk]'' And Wheeler… I'm starting with you! :'''Joey''': Fine! :'''Mai''': It's payback time, and it all starts, now! And to think, I was once pathetic enough to call you my friend. But now I know the truth! You were holding me back from achieving true power! So say hello to my real friend… THE SEAL OF ORICHALCOS! This card's done for me than you losers ever could! ''[activates the card, trapping Joey and herself in it]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': No! Not this! :'''Mai''': ''[chuckles sinisterly]'' If you're scared now, just wait till you lose. :'''Joey''': Wake up, Mai! This thing's nothing but bad news! It's messing up your head, big time! Don't you remember everything we've been through together? Just ditch that freaky card, and things can be the way they use to be! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': It's exactly as I feared. The Orichalcos controls her! This duel must end. :'''Téa''': Otherwise, she's gonna do the same thing to Joey that she did to Pegasus! ===''My Freaky Valentine'' [4.08-10]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Mai''': What are you waiting for, Wheeler? :'''Joey''': I'm waiting for you to come to your senses! :'''Tristan''': She's lost it. How can she side with the enemy?! :'''Téa''': It's all because of that Orichalcos thing! :'''Yami-Yugi''': Now, one of them will lose their soul. :'''Téa''': No, you can't do this! Don't you see you're letting that magic card control you, Mai! You're putting your own life in danger! :'''Yugi''': They can't go through with this! We've got to do something! :'''Yami-Yugi''': But the Puzzle is powerless against that seal. :'''Valon''': Ey, Pharaoh! Quit mumblin' to yourself down there, will ya? In case you didn't realize this last time, nothing can break the Seal of Orichalcos! Once it appears, it doesn't disappear until a soul's been captured! :'''Rafael''': And don't think you're off the hook, Pharaoh. As soon as the girl takes your friend's soul, I'm takin' ''yours''. :'''Mai''': Get back in your cage, gorilla boy! When I'm done with Wheeler… Yugi belongs to ''me!'' :'''Yami-Yugi''': But why? :'''Téa''': ''She's'' nuts! :'''Rafael''': I never liked her. No respect. Any more lip from Mai and she's next. :'''Valon''': Aw, give the girl a break, will ya? She's still new at all this, mate. Plus, she's kinda cute when she gets mad, don't ya think? :'''Rafael''': Uh, no. :'''Mai''': When are you gonna make your move, hotshot? This year would be nice. :'''Joey''': What did I say?! ''I'm'' not gonna duel ''against'' you, Mai! :'''Mai''': Afraid you're not good enough? Afraid you're gonna lose like you did in Battle City?! I shoulda known you'd back down! :'''Joey''': Actually, I'm afraid I'm gonna win. 'Cause if I do… You're gonna pay for it by givin' up ''your'' soul! :'''Mai''': I have no soul! :'''Téa''': ''[shocked by what she said]'' You hear that?! :''[Valon whistles]'' :'''Mai''': I told you, the Mai you knew is gone! I traded in her soul for power! The old Mai was too lonely and pathetic. The girl was just holding me back. So I did what I had to! I sent her packing! Now, my weak side's gone for good! :'''Joey''': Well, I happen to have liked the old Mai and I'm gonna get her back! :'''Mai''': I'd like to see you try! :''[Joey activated his duel disk]'' :'''Tristan''': He's gonna go through with this?! :'''Téa''': Be careful, Joey! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mai activates her Nightmare Tri-Mirror trap card to transform the reflection of Joey's Scapegoats into four more Harpie Ladies, thus giving her a total of six Harpies]'' :'''Tristan''': Wait just a second, she can't have six monsters in play! :'''Yami-Yugi''': Remember, Tristan, thanks to the Seal of Orichalcos, Mai is allowed to have up to ''ten'' monsters on the field at once. :'''Tristan''': D'oh! Stupid magic thing! :'''Mai''': Now this is what I call, "girl power!" You're up against six Haripe Ladies all enhanced with the power of my magic card! I place one card facedown on the field. It was nice knowin' ya! I've got six Harpie Ladies and one big magic circle, and we all agree you're in over your head, Wheeler. Lucky for you, it's your move or I'd finish you off right now. So what's it gonna be? :'''Tristan''': There's nothing he can do! Mai backed Joey into a corner and now he's stuck there! :'''Yugi''': Tristan's got a point. If Joey doesn't do something quick, Mai is gonna win the duel! :'''Yami-Yugi''': That's true. And as long as the Seal of Orichalcos is on the field, Mai has all sorts of advantages. It even seems as though there are certain magic and trap cards that only she is allowed to use. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': I summon Panther Warrior in attack mode! Now, I sacrifice one scapegoat so my panther can attack! :'''Mai''': I reveal my facedown card! Harpie Lady Sparrow Formation! :'''Joey''': What?! :'''Mai''': My Harpie Ladies have all joined forces to repel your attack! :'''Tristan''': Mai didn't have that card back in Battle City. :'''Téa''': You're right. :'''Yami-Yugi''': It seems as though she's gone through more than a few changes since the last time we saw her-- including a stronger deck! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Look, Mai... I don't know what kind of spell these guys put on ya but you gotta wake up! Otherwise we're both gonna be in pretty big trouble! :'''Mai''': What spell!? No one's controlling me! ''[looks up on Valon and Rafael]'' Those two lackeys up there couldn't control my left pinky. ''I'' was sick of my life... So I ''chose'' to change it! :''[Téa, Tristan and the Pharaoh gasps and horrifying]'' :'''Joey''': ''[shocked]'' No way! :'''Téa''': How could you!? :'''Mai''': You guys wouldn't understand. You've never been an outsider like me... All alone. Duel monsters is all I have. And after [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 3)|the Battle City tournament]], I set out to become the best. I duel against chump after chump to improve my dueling skills. I needed to make a name for myself. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': I stopped whining like a loser and started taking control! Now nothing can stop me! :'''Joey''': I never knew you felt that way. Why didn't you tell us you were so unhappy? We could've helped you, Mai! :'''Mai''': '''SAVE IT!''' I don't need your kind of help! All I need now is power! And I'm about to unleash all of it on ''you!'' ''[draws]'' I play Harpie Lady Phoenix Formation! Since I have six Harpies on the field, it lets me destroy up to six of your monsters! :'''Tristan''': Hold on! Joey's only got three left! :'''Téa''': That means once Mai's Harpie Ladies attack, he'll be defenseless! :'''Yami-Yugi''': That's not all. Mai's magic card will also subtract the sum of Joey's monsters' attack points from ''his'' Life Points. :'''Mai''': Now, Harpie Ladies… unite and destroy every one of his monsters! Say goodbye to your three monsters, Wheeler! Someone is one attack away from losing their soul and I don't think it's me, sweetheart. Any last requests? :'''Tristan''': Mai's got 4000 points! She hasn't even lost one! And Joey's down to his last 200! Not to mention the fact that he's out of monsters! :'''Téa''': If he doesn't think of something right now, he's gonna lose the duel! ====Part 2==== :'''Yugi''': There is a way for Joey to end this duel without someone getting hurt, isn't there? :'''Yami-Yugi''': Yes, but it won't be easy. The Seal of Orichalcos is powerful. However, it does have limitations. It can only capture a soul when a duelist loses, and there it lies the secret to escaping its wrath. :'''Yugi''': I don't get it. :'''Yami-Yugi''': Let's hope Joey does. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': ''[spots at Weevil and Rex outside]'' It's a regalia party, What are you guys doing here? :'''Weevil''': It's that magic circle! :'''Rex''': Yeah! The same one we were trapped in! :'''Mai''': I sacrifice my two Harpies! That allows me to summon Harpie's Pet Dragon! And thanks to the Seal of Orichalcos, it gets 500 more points! Plus, it gets another 300 points for every Harpie I have on the field! :'''Yami-Yugi''': Now it has 3,400 points! :'''Mai''': It's been nice knowing ya, Wheeler! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Joey picked his own trap card in the middle, canceling Mai's attack]'' :'''Joey''': YEAH! Bingo, baby! :'''Tristan''': I knew he could do it! :'''Téa''': You go! :'''Weevil''': Now that's luck. :'''Rex''': Yeah, next time I play Bingo, I'm bringin' him! :'''Valon''': Well, there goes your theory. :'''Joey''': Looks like your last attack didn't work. So I'm still in the game! :'''Mai''': For now, maybe. :'''Téa''': That's cool. At least Joey bought himself a little time. :'''Yami-Yugi''': Yes, but it did come with a price, Téa. :'''Mai''': Impressive. But your little maneuver helped me out, too. :'''Joey''': Yeah, I know. Now you get to put the two cards you picked at the top of your deck. :'''Téa''': Oh, no! Now she can use those two cards again! :'''Yami-Yugi''': Harpie Lady Phoenix Formation and Harpie Sparrow Formation. Those are two of Mai's most powerful cards! :'''Mai''': You may have stopped my attack but my turn's not over. Next, I'll move one of my Harpie Ladies to my rear defense. And then, I'll place two cards facedown and end my turn. :'''Joey''': ''[thinking]'' I've got one more shot to do this, but I'm all out of ideas! ====Part 3==== :'''Rafael''': Valon, what are you doing!? :'''Valon''': With this fragment of the Orichalcos stone… I unlock the seal! :'''Rafael''': No! ''[jumps down]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami-Yugi''': Joey, are you alright. Joey! :'''Tristan''': Oh man. :'''Téa''': Why did he do that? :'''Rafael''': What were you thinking, Valon? You betrayed Master Dartz and risked your own soul! And you mean to tell me you did all that so you just saved some girl, Valon. :'''Valon''': She's not just some ''girl'', Rafael! :'''Rafael''': Would ''you'' listen to yourself, Valon!? ''[growls]'' I'll make up for this… By taken ''your'' soul, Pharaoh. The power around my neck puts your Puzzle to shame. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami-Yugi''': Joey! :'''Tristan''': You're okay, man! :'''Téa''': Joey! :'''Tristan''': Don't give up on us now. :'''Téa''': Joey. :'''Joey''': Where's Mai? Did those punks take her? :'''Téa''': I guess so. :'''Tristan''': Yeah. She gone. :'''Joey''': ''[gasps]'' Oh no, I was so close. ''[groans]'' I'LL GET YOU BACK, MAI! ===''The Challenge'' [4.11]=== :'''Seto Kaiba''': No way! My mind must be playing tricks on me! :'''Joey Wheeler''': I doubt that. My card seens to be doing the same thing, Kaiba! :'''Yami Yugi''': It feels as though these three dragons are calling out to us. :'''All''': Uhh! :'''Yami Yugi''': I was told that fate had chosen three modern-day warriors to release these legendary beasts. :'''Kaiba''': Chosen by fate? Get real. I'm the one who decides my fate, Yugi! Not some fairy tale about mythical dragons and giant man-eating monsters. :'''Yami Yugi''': Be reasonable for once! The world needs us! We do this as a team! :'''Kaiba''': Sorry... I don't do the teamwork thing. :'''Yami Yugi''': Listen! :'''Kaiba''': You geeks have wasted enough of my time already. I have a multi-million dollar company to run. Playtime's over. :'''Yami Yugi''': Kaiba! :'''Mokuba''': Seto.... wait up! :'''Joey''': We don't need him weighing us down anyway. With good old Hermos over here those hoodlums won't stand a chance. :'''Tristan''': Someone's back to their old self again. About time. :'''Joey''': It took me a while, but I realized being bummed out about Mai's not gonna bring her back. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': ''[angrily]'' What were ''you'' thinking?! I was just about to finish off Wheeler, and then you had butt in and ruin everything! :'''Rafael''': You're a real piece a work. He saved your soul, and this is how you repay him? :'''Mai''': Who asked to be saved?! Maybe next time, He'll learn to butt out! :'''Rafael''': Next time... We'll just let you lose. :'''Valon''': That's enough, mate, I'm fine! :'''Mai''': Yeah, Clam up, or you'll end up just like your friend here. :'''Rafael''': ''[stands up]'' ''You'' have no idea the danger you were in. :'''Mai''': Huh? :'''Rafael''': Do you remember that Hermos card Wheeler played? It's an ancient dragon that can only be controlled by a chosen duelist. :'''Mai''': Ha! Yeah, ''he'' was chosen all right! Chosen to have that scrawny butt of his kicked by a real duelist! Humph. ''[hops on Valon's motorcycle]'' Later, losers! ''[droves off]'' :'''Valon''': Hey, wait! That's mine! ''[coughs]'' :'''Mai''': ''[thinking]'' ''You'' won't escape me this time, Wheeler. :'''Valon''': I can't let Mai get hurt. I gotta stop her. :'''Rafael''': Forget about her, Valon. Let's focus on the Pharaoh. :'''Valon''': But Master Dartz said to wait. :'''Rafael''': Yeah, Well, Master Dartz doesn't always know what's best. I should take the strongest soul first. Once I get him out of the way, The others will fall right into my hands, one by one. :'''Valon''': But how do you know the Pharaoh will duel? :'''Rafael''': Because my plan is already in place. It's only a matter of time. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': A duel monster's card? ''[spots a note from Rafael and gasps]'' GRANDPA! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': You sure this is the place? :'''Yugi''': Professor Hawkins! Rebecca! :'''Rebecca''': Yugi. :'''Yugi''': Rebecca. What happened here? :'''Rebecca''': ''[in tears]'' Yugi… they tooked him. ''[starts to cries]'' My poor Grandpa! ''[sobbing]'' It’s not fair! He didn’t hurt anyone! :'''Yugi''': We’re gonna find him… I promise. :'''Rebecca''': Thank you. Who would do something like this?! <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi''': Oh, no! How far away is [[w:Death Valley|Death Valley]]? :'''Rebecca''': Well if we use Duke's car, it shouldn’t take us more than an hour or so. :'''Yugi''': Sorry, Rebecca… But I have to go alone. :'''Rebecca''': Why? :'''Yugi''': I’ve put you and your family in enough danger already. :'''Rebecca''': Uh-uh. Don’t be silly, Yugi. None of this is your fault at all. :'''Yugi''': Thanks, Rebecca. But It’s me they want, and you’ll be much safer here. And please, don’t tell Joey, Tristan, Téa and the other guys where I’m about to go, OK? :'''Rebecca''': But why? :'''Yugi''': I don’t want them to follow me there. :'''Weevil''': Interesting. :'''Rex and Weevil''': ''[looks at each other]'' Hmm? <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi''': Ready, Copernicus. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arthur''': Rebecca, Where's Yugi? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': We’ll keep an eye out on Rex and Weevil, I don’t trust those two. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Weevil''': We can't miss the showdown between Yugi and those guys. I have to find out how they made Mai into such a strong duelist. :'''Rex''': Can't we take a quick snack break? :''[Weevil and Rex spots Yami Yugi riding on Copernicus]'' :'''Weevil''': It's Yugi, he's getting ahead! :'''Rex''': No put the pedal to the metal! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': ''[looks after her grandfather was asleep and holds Ties of Friendship card what Yugi gives her]'' Be careful, Yugi. Please. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': I'm ready for you, Pharaoh. Thanks to my deck... and the power it holds. ===''Fate of the Pharaoh'' [4.12-14]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Rafael''': Very impressive, cowboy, But You'll need more than a few rodeo tricks to get yourself outta this. ''[Pharaoh crossing the bridge]'' You see, While my associates are satisfied with stealing the souls of your friends, I'm not. :'''Yami Yugi''': I did my part. Now you release the Professor Arthur Hawkins as you promised. :'''Rafael''': He's already been set free, but since you've come all this way, you might as well stay awhile. ''[?]'' So you're gonna stick around, right? 'Cause like I said before, Pharaoh, your friends aren't good enough. I need to capture the soul of the pharaoh himself so I can save the world. :'''Yami Yugi''': Save the world? Don't you see that what you're doing is going to ''destroy'' the world? or are you so insane that you can't tell the difference? :'''Rafael''': I'm just fine. It's you who's blind to what's going on. You're fighting on the wrong side. :'''Yami Yugi''': Explain yourself. :'''Rafael''': This world's a dark and lonely place to live. It's been poisoned by mankind. All I'm trying to do is fix what's been ruined by people like you, and I'll do it by locking your spirit away for good. :'''Yami Yugi''': Who do you think you are? :'''Rafael''': Look, The name's Rafael, and I called you here to duel, not shoot the breeze. I've waited for this moment long enough and I have no intention of putting our fight off for another minute, so let's go. :'''Yami Yugi''': You've given me no choice. But know this, in the end righteousness will prevail and justice shall be served. ''[activates his KC mass production duel disk]'' :'''Rafael''': That's just what I'm hoping for. ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' :'''Pharaoh and Rafael''': Let's duel! ''[their life points to 4000]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rex Raptor''': Hey Weevil, Check it out. :'''Weevil Underwood''': Yugi started dueling already. ====Part 2==== :'''Rafael''': Well, for starters, He's a better leader than you were. That's right Pharaoh. My master told me all about your history as the king of Eqypt; How you ruled as an evil dictator using the power of the shadow realm to control your subjects. :'''Yami Yugi''': Wake up. ''He'' lied. :'''Rafael''': How would you know? You have no memory of your past. So isn't it possible that you're responsible for the destruction of Egypt?! Think about it! :'''Yami Yugi''': It can't be. I know I was a worthy pharaoh. I'm the one who locked the dark magic away! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh, no! :'''Yami Yugi''': Let go! :'''Yugi''': No! You don't know what you're doing! :'''Yami Yugi''': Let go! :'''Yugi''': Listen to me! This card is affecting your mind! :'''Yami Yugi''': We're going to lose the duel! Can't you see?! Trust me! It's the only way, Yugi! We must do this! Now let me go! :'''Yugi''': Please don't play that card! :'''Yami Yugi''': Now I activate the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Rafael''': ''[thinking]'' ''Excellent''. :''[The Pharaoh activates the card]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''What have I done?'' :'''Yugi''': No! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Do you guys see what I see!? :'''Tristan''': Is that light what I think it is!? :'''Joey''': The Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Rafael''': Nice work, Pharaoh. I knew you had it in you. Now, let's see what the Orichalcos reveals about you. Are you good or are you evil? So, tell me. How do ya feel? ''[laughing]'' :''[To Be Continued...]'' ====Part 3==== :'''Yami Yugi''': What have you done to my dragon!? :'''Rafael''': It's not what I've done.... It's what ''you've'' done by playing that magic card. Guess I should warned ya. Timaeus and the Orichalcos don't mix. But at least your dark side's been set free. :'''Yami Yugi''': What have I unleashed? ''[screaming]'' You were a fool to hand me this card! For when you lose, you soul will be for all eternity where it belongs! Now I activate Hand Control! All I need to do is correctly guess the name of a card in your hand and I can activate it! And since I gave you the necromancy card, I know you're holding it! Now it's mine! Ha! Necromancy allows me to bring four monsters back from my graveyard! So return to me Big Shield Gardna... Berfomet... Gazelle the king of mythical beasts... and Kuribabylon! Next I'll sacrifice Gazelle and Berfomet so I can summon my Dark Magician! Then I'll separate my Kuribabylon into the five Kuriboh brothers I used to create it! Now my monsters, feel the power of the orichalcos! <hr width50%> :'''Yugi''': Hey, where am I? The Seal of Oricahlcos! No! ''He'' played it! What have you done, Pharaoh? <hr width50%> :'''Joey''': YUGI! :'''Tristan''': No way, dude! :'''Joey''': What's going on? Why's that oricahlcos thingy on Yugi's forehead. :''[Joey, Tristan and Duke jumped in next Weevil and Rex.]'' :'''Rex''': You guys just missed the best part. :'''Duke''': Yeah? Then why don't you two fill us in. :'''Tristan''': I don't trust these twerps as far as I can throw 'em. :'''Joey''': Hey! ''[grubs Weevil]'' My best buddy's got that freaky ding on his head and I want answers now! :'''Weevil''': Why don't you take your paws off of me and try asking nicely! :'''Joey''': Wrong answer. Now it's go time! :'''Weevil''': Don't hurt me, Don't hurt me... :'''Rex''': It's the Seal of Oricahlcos! :'''Weevil''': ...Don't hurt me, Don't hurt me... :'''Rex''': Yugi got it from that big muscle guy and then activated it! :'''Weevil''': ...Don't hurt me, Don't hurt me. :''[Joey lets go off Weevil and he, Tristan and Duke gasps sees Yami Yugi faces Rafael and he using that evil spell card in horrified and Weevil panting.]'' :'''Joey''': Yugi ''wouldn't'' do that! He knows that card is ''evil!'' :''[The Pharaoh growls as the Orichalcos appears on his forehead]'' <hr width50%> :'''Weevil''': Alright, guys, If Yugi loses I call dibs on his Dark Magician. :'''Rex''': That's not cool. Why don't you show some compassion for a change... and let me take his Dark Magician. :'''Joey''': Watch it! <hr width50%> :'''Joey''': That doesn't sound like to Yugi I know. Come on pal... Snap out of it! <hr width50%> :''[In the far corners of Yugi's subconscious mind]'' :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh, NO! The Seal of Orichalcos is in play! So the monsters on the field are real! Please don't sacrifice the Dark Magician Girl! <hr width50%> :'''Tristan''': Earth to Joey, are you there, man? :'''Joey''': I'm here, but Yug's not. he's brainwashed! :'''Tristan''': Say what?! :''[Duke gasps]'' :'''Joey''': He's sacrificing his monsters left and right and talking about "power." That's not Yugi's style a duelin' at all! That oricahlcos ding is messin' with his head! Just like it did to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|Mai!]] :''[In the far corners of Yugi's subconscious mind]'' :'''Yugi''': ''[in tears]'' How could ''he'' do this? That card is evil. I warned him. <hr width50%> :'''Rafael''': You let your rage take over. Now look into the eyes of your monsters! :'''Yami Yugi''': Please forgive me for what I've done to you! <hr width50%> :'''Rafael''': Guardian Eatos, destroy his monsters and the rest of his life points! <hr width50%> :'''Yami Yugi''': '''NO!''' :'''Rex''': No way! Yugi actually lost! :'''Duke''': This can't be! :'''Tristan''': Oh man! :'''Joey''': Yugi! :''[In the far corners of Yugi's subconscious mind]'' :'''Yugi''': If he lost the duel. Then he'll loses his soul! :'''Rafael''': ''[laughing]'' Time for you to pay up, Pharaoh. The Seal of Oricahlcos never leaves the field without taking something along for the ride. And this time it's you, and you have yourself to blame 'cause you sealed your own fate when you played that card. Now your life-force will awaken the Great Beast. :''[In the far corners of Yugi's subconscious mind]'' :'''Yugi''': Not if I can help! With all the power of the Millennium Puzzle, I break the Seal! <hr width50%> :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh, I won't let his happen to you! :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi, no! What are you doing here!? :'''Yugi''': It only needs one of us. So I'm letting the Seal take ME instead. :'''Yami Yugi''': NO! YUGI! <hr width50%> :'''Rafael''': Adios, Your Highness. :''[The Pharaoh collapses]'' :'''Joey''': Hey! You alright pal!? :'''Weevil''': I doubt it. :'''Rex''': Yeah Ditto. :'''Duke''': This is nuts. :'''Tristan''': Come on, pal. :'''Joey''': Yugi, Get up! Please, Yug! :'''Rafael''': You won't be needing these anymore. <hr width50%> :'''Weevil''': Ha! Hey, Rex. :'''Rex''': I know exactly what you're thinking. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Pharaoh wakes up]'' :'''Tristan''': He's awake! :'''Joey''': I knew you outsmart that big goon. So How'd ya Yug, How did you escape. ''[sees the Pharaoh crying]'' Everything alright pal? :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[in tears]'' No, Joey. It's far from alright. I didn't outsmart him. He succeeded. Yugi's gone. :'''Joey/Tristan/Duke''': Whoa! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Great Leviathan, Please accept my latest offering. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': I don't get it. How can you be talkin' to us if ''he'' took your soul? :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[in tears]'' Not mine! Yugi's! IT'S ALL MY FAULT! YUGI, COME BACK! IT SHOULD'VE BEEN ME, NOT HIM! IT'S NOT FAIR! ===''Trial by Stone'' [4.15]=== :''[Rex and Weevil followed Rafael on the helicopter]'' :'''Rex''': He's getting away! We have to get our hands on one of those orichalcos magic cards. Just a little more! :'''Rex and Weevil''': ''[screaming]'' :'''Rex''': This is all your fault! Help! Mommy, I'm falling! :'''Rafael''': Oh, great. :'''Rex and Weevil''': Huh?! phew. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tea''': How'd it go? Is everything OK? :'''Joey''': Not quite. We got a problem guys. :'''Tea''': What do you mean? :'''Duke''': Yugi didn't win. :'''Tristan''': He's gone. :'''Tea''': Wha- :'''Tristan''': You heard me. Yugi got beat, Tea! :'''Tea''': You're wrong! If Yugi really lost that duel, those creeps would have taken his soul with their freaky magic card, Tristan! :'''Joey''': So what's your point, Tea? :'''Tea''': My point!? If he's lost how can he be standing right... ''[gasps and turns around looks at the Pharaoh]'' behind me? Oh no. :'''Rebecca''': Yugi, talk to me. What's wrong!? Why are you acting so strange!? :'''Yami Yugi''': Rebecca, they got him. :'''Rebecca''': Got who? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi. ''[Flashes back to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|their last duel as the Seal took Yugi instead]].]'' I know. This whole thing's my fault. I'm the one who unleashed the magic that took Yugi away. :'''Rebecca''': You knew that card was evil and you still played it!? If you really were a brave pharaoh, you would never have done something like that to poor, little Yugi! :'''Tea''': Now hold on. :'''Rebecca''': Oh, Tea! ''[sobbing]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm afraid Rebecca's right. :'''Tea''': Huh? :'''Joey''': What's done is done. :'''Yami Yugi''': I let everyone down. Especially Yugi. He warned me not to play the Seal of Oricalcos card, but my rage took control. ''[Flashes back to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|their first duel, the Pharaoh activated The Seal of Oricalcos card]].]'' He paid for my mistake. :'''Joey''': You got to ''snap'' outta this! :'''Yami Yugi''': He's gone, and it's all my fault. :'''Joey''': Get a grip, man! :'''Téa''': Joey! :'''Joey''': If we're gonna rescue Yugi, We gotta move ahead, not look back, So pull yourself together! What we gotta do now is find out who this Dartz guy is and where ''he'' keeps all these souls! :'''Duke''': I've been suggesting we do that since day one, but nobody listens to me. :'''Tristan''': Stop thinking about yourself for once, Duke! :'''Duke''': Down, boy. Heel! :'''Yami Yugi''': Let him go, Tristan! :'''Tristan''': Huh? :'''Yami Yugi''': This happened because I couldn't control my anger, and if we keep fighting amongst ourselves, the orichalcos will destroy us. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': You’re about to meet our master, so don’t anything to stupid. :'''Alister''': Yeah, He doesn’t have as much patience as we do. :'''Rex and Weevil''': gulped. :''[They opened the door]'' :'''Rafael''': Mission accomplished, Master. :'''Weevil''': We're gonna become super villains. :''[Rex and Weevil giggling]'' :'''Rafael''': You'll be happy to know the strongest soul on Earth has been captured, Master Dartz. :'''Dartz''': Ah, yes. The Pharaoh. :'''Weevil''': Pharaoh? :'''Rex''': What pharaoh? :'''Dartz''': Unfortunately, you failed again. ''[chair turns around wears a suit]'' :'''Valon''': ''[walks in with an arm in sling]'' That's right. The soul of the Pharaoh is still out there, Rafael. :'''Rafael''': ''[shocked]'' What?! :'''Alister''': ''[shocked]'' Huh?! :'''Dartz''': Now watch and learn. :''[Weevil whimping]'' :'''Rex''': What's that? :'''Dartz''': The Pharaoh's [[w:Rebirth|spirit inhabits the body]] of a young man. And what we have here is a clear case of mistaken identity. :''[Camera zooming towards image of Yugi Muto in stone]'' :'''Rex''': ''[shocked]'' No way! :'''Weevil''': ''[shocked]'' Yugi?! :'''Valon''': Instead of the Pharaoh, ''you'' got the soul of some kid! :'''Rafael''': I still don't understand. :'''Dartz''': Then you need to clean out your ears, you oversized baboon. Both of their spirits inhabit one body! Get it!? ''You'' captured the wrong soul! :'''Rafael''': But how!? I’m pretty sure ''I'' was dueling the Pharaoh! So the Orichcalos should have sealed him! :'''Dartz''': Well, apparently you're not as perceptive as you think you are because ''he'' got away! :'''Rafael''': That Punk! :'''Dartz''': There's no ''one'' to blame but ''yourself''! :'''Rafael''': I can fixed this, If you’ll let me. :'''Weevil''': Hey! :'''Valon, Dartz, Rafael and Alister''': ''[spots at Rex Raptor and Weevil Underwood]'' Huh? :'''Weevil''': Let's go! :'''Rex''': Go where? :''[Rex and Weevil run to Valon, Dartz, Rafael and Alister and knees on]'' :'''Weevil''': Might I suggest something, sir? :'''Rex''': Like a better hideout? :'''Weevil''': Quiet! ''[bangs Rex's head]'' :'''Rex''': Ow! I'm just trying to be helpful. :'''Dartz''': Who are these two? :'''Rex''': Haven't you heard of us? Former regional duel monsters champions? :'''Rafael''': They're just a couple of wanna-be duelists who followed us here. They probably never even played the game. :'''Weevil''': Never played the game?! :'''Rex''': Wanna-bes?! We're great duelists, but we came here to become even better. :'''Weevil''': Yugi and his friends have been making fools of us for years. ''[flashbacks to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 1)#The Ultimate Great Moth|Yugi and Weevil's duel with the Summoned Skull and The Great Moth in defeat,]] and then [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 1)#Trial by Red-Eyes|Joey and Rex's duel with a Time Wizard and Red Eyes Black Dragon in defeat]] at Duelist Kingdom. flashback ends]'' Before ''they'' showed up, we ''ruled the duels.'' But lately it seems like we're just the butt of everyone's jokes. :'''Rex''': And no ''one'' likes being a butt. :'''Weevil''': Uh, What he means is, we want nothing more than to have our revenge. So, please, mister Dartz, sir, share your dueling secrets with us and we'll help you get what you want. :'''Rex''': Please! :'''Dartz''': It won't be easy. The Pharaoh and his little friends wield the power of the legendary dragons. How do you intend to fight against cards like those? :'''Weevil''': That's exactly why we need your help, sir. :'''Rex''': Yeah, Weevil and I need the seal of orichalcos. :'''Dartz''': You know, Before I share my power with you, I have to make sure you're worthy. :'''Weevil''': Give us a chance to prove it. :'''Rex''': We'll do anything. :'''Dartz''': Very well. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Deliver to me the soul of the Pharaoh and his companion young Joseph Wheeler. The Orichcalos is with you. Used it correctly and victory is yours. :'''Rex and Weevil''': Yes, sir. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Back inside the caravan]'' :'''Joey''': So they wanna rule the world. We've dealt with that before. :'''Yami Yugi''': No, Joey, this time things are different. :'''Tristan''': Yeah, They're not just talking about wiping out all life on earth, they're doing it! :'''Joey''': But we know how to stop 'em. :'''Tristan''': Huh? :'''Joey''': We got to go straight to the source and destroy that secret weapon of theirs. :'''Tea''': You mean [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Legend_of_the_Dragons|that weird monster-zapper in the sky?]] :'''Tristan''': Unfortunately, that thing's after more than just monsters. it's using human souls to power itself up so it can wipe out the rest of us. :'''Joey''': Yeah, and right now that thing's got Yugi, so I don't know about you, but I'm not gonna stand here twiddling my thumbs. I'm gonna take action. :'''Tea''': Look, Joey, I wanna help Yugi too, but we can't just fight this thing by ourselves. We need help. :'''Rebecca''': No, Tea. :'''Tea''': Huh? :'''Rebecca''': In case you forgot, Those jerks burned down my grandpa's laboratory and destroyed all his research. And without any hard evidence, there's no way anyone's gonna believe our story. :'''Tea''': But we have proof. It's all down in those underwater ruins. :'''Rebecca''': Whatever was there won't be of any help to us now. The ruins are gone, guys. :'''Tea''': Someone ruined the ruins? :'''Duke''': They're one step ahead of us. :'''Arthur''': ''[opens the door]'' Don't give up so easily. :'''Rebecca''': Gramps, you're awake. :'''Tea''': Yeah, shouldn't you be resting? :'''Arthur''': I'll be fine. Anyway who could sleep with you kids chit chatting all day? Besides, I can help you find the information you need. You're right about looking to the ruins for answers. :'''Yami Yugi''': So did you discover anything more about these thugs? :'''Arthur''': Well, I can't be sure, but based on the inscriptions I found, there's a good chance these fellows are descendants of Atlantis, an ancient continent said to have disappeared into the ocean thousands of years ago without a trace. :'''Tea''': Are you sure? :'''Duke''': Professor, If your hunch is right, Why would these people want to destroy what was left of their ancestors' city? :'''Arthur''': They must be trying to hide something. Those ruins revealed the history of Atlantis, and it's not a pleasant one. They must what to keep it a secret. :'''Yami Yugi''': How much of this history do you know? :'''Arthur''': Thousands of years ago, Atlantis was home to the most advanced civilization the world had ever known. It truly was a paradise on earth, a land of eternal tranquility where everyone lived in peace until one day, when a dreadful creature was called forth from the depths of the earth by an evil king. :'''Yami Yugi''': An evil king? Oh, no. ''[Flashes back to their first duel, Rafael told Pharaoh heard about the Pharaoh are the one responsible for the destroy Egypt.]'' :'''Tea''': ''[worried]'' What's wrong? Are you OK? :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm fine. :'''Arthur''': It seems this power hungry king drew his evil strength from a mysterious stone, and this stone drew it's strength from another world. :'''Joey''': It's that rock they wear on their neck, Isn't it? :'''Arthur''': I'm not sure. That's all I was able to translate. :'''Joey''': NO! :'''Tristan''': Chill out, man. you'll blow a gasket. :'''Joey''': You guys don't get it, do you? Those Atlantis freaks are trying to cover something up about this ancient mega-monster. :'''Duke''': Of course. There was probably something written in those ruins about how to destroy that thing before it destroys us. :'''Tristan''': I get it. Hey, Joey, I guess you had your good idea for the year. :'''Arthur''': The ruins may have been destroyed, but there are copies of the inscriptions at a museum. It's in [[Florida]], where I was doing my underwater research. :'''Tea''': Perfect. So all we have to do is go there and translate the rest. :'''Arthur''': Mm-hmm. :'''Joey''': What are we waiting for? Let's head to sunshine state and find out the secret to defeating these guys and saving Yugi, right? :'''Tristan''': I'm right behind ya, man! Goodbye to Death Valley, Hello to fun in the sun. :'''Duke''': That's great. Just one question: How are we supposed to get there? :'''Tristan''': We're doomed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kaiba''': ''[after hearing what happened to Yugi over the phone]'' YUGI LOST?! Yugi gave up his Duel Monsters crown to some nobody?! No one deserves that title but me! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[calmly]'' Hold on. :'''Kaiba''': I don't wanna hear another word! You're a disgrace to the game, Yugi! ''[hangs up]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': I'll book our flights and we'll take a train to the airport. I just hope we can save Yugi before it's too late. ===''On the Wrong Track'' [4.16-18]=== ====Part 1==== :''[at the train station]'' :'''Téa''': How this train ride anyway? :'''Joey''': Too long. :'''Téa''': ''[sighs]'' Any chance you wanna go instead of me, Duke? :'''Duke''': No can do, Téa. I gotta stick with Professor Hawkins in case those biker punks come back. :'''Tristan''': Duke's right. Plus he's gonna keep an eye on Rebecca too. :''[Flashback to Rebecca and Arthur see Pharaoh and his friends leaving]'' :'''Rebecca''': I wanna go too! They need a brain like mine to figure out how to save Yugi! Please!? :'''Arthur''': It's too dangerous. And the Pharaoh has enough on his mind already. :'''Rebecca''': Huh? :'''Arthur''': The last thing he needs is the responsibility of looking after you. His closest friend in the world's been taken from him. :'''Rebecca''': ''[cries ran back to the caravan]'' You don't understand anything, Grandpa! :'''Arthur''': Rebecca, wait! It's for your own good! :''[the flashback ends]'' :'''Duke''': You better get on the train before you miss your ride. :'''Joey''': We got plenty of time. :'''Tristan''': No, we don’t. :'''Joey''': Like I said "All Aboard!" :'''Téa''': Take care, Duke. :''[Joey, Tristan, Pharaoh and Téa are onboard the train carriages as the train horns blares and the train departed from the station as Duke waves to them.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Téa''': Come on, you gotta cheer up. I promise we'll get Yugi back. But in the meantime, you can't just sit around moping. It might feel better to talk about it. We can even come up with a plan together. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[sighs, gets up the seat and sadly walked off alone]'' Sorry Téa. :'''Téa''': Poor guy. ''[watches the Pharaoh walked off alone feeling sad after he lost the duel with Rafael]'' :'''Tristan''': Just let him go, Téa. :'''Téa''': Huh? :'''Tristan''': I think he needs to be alone for a while you know? :'''Joey''': He's already alone. :'''Téa and Tristan''': Huh? :'''Joey''': Isn't that the whole problem? He’s crushed. But he’ll be alright soon enough. ‘Cause we’re going to rescue Yugi, right guys? :'''Téa''': There’s no doubt. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' How could ''I'' have been so selfish? I gave in to the darkness within my heart... and Yugi paid the price. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|their last duel with Rafael as the Seal took Yugi instead]].]'' I've lost him forever. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tea''': ''[sighs]'' He's been gone for a while. :'''Tristan''': ''[notices the passengers are empty]'' Hey, Hold on. He's not the only one! :'''Joey''': Huh? :'''Tristan''': Call me crazy. But wasn't this train completely filled with passengers just a minute ago?! What's the deal!? How can a train full of people all of a sudden be empty!? :'''Joey''': What?! :''[Joey and Tea sees passengers are empty]'' :'''Tea''': Alright. Now I'm officially freaked out! :''[back at Dartz's lair]'' :'''Dartz''': ''[evilly laughter]'' A vacant train is the least of your problems, my young friends. I'm just getting warmed up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tea''': There you are. :'''Yami Yugi''': Huh? :'''Joey''': 'Case you haven't noticed, Something weird's going on. :'''Tristan''': If you asked me. I'd say this whole train ride is another trap. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[gasp]'' :'''Joey''': I'm sure those same slime balls are behind this. and I bet they're onboard. :'''Tristan''': Well what are we standing here for? Let's get 'em! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': Pharaoh! Tea! Whatta we do now!? :'''Yami Yugi''': Get help! :'''Tea''': Come on, we have to find a way to stop this train! :'''Tristan''': Hey, we're slowing down! You heard 'em. we gotta get help. :'''Joey''': I know... but there's a problem. ''[he and Tristan jumps off the rail coaches]'' We're in the middle of nowhere! and we don't even know those two are gonna end up. Bye, guys. Hang in there. :'''Tristan''': I guess it's just you and me now. :'''Joey''': Hmm ''[sees Rex appears snickers in the railcar with his chaos duel disk on.]'' Huh? Rex!? What are you doing here? :'''Rex Raptor''': ''[jumps off the rail coaches and walks towards Joey and Tristan]'' I still have a score to settle with you, Wheeler. Remember? You tooked my Red Eyes Black Dragon. :'''Joey''': Rex, This is not the time. :'''Rex''': It’s the perfect time for revenge. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[sees Weevil appears on top of this train with his chaos duel disk on]'' Weevil Underwood! Are you behind this!? You'd better start explaining yourself! :'''Tea Gardner''': Weevil? What are you what with us, worm boy! :'''Weevil Underwood''': What are you think I what? A rematched with the king of games! :'''Tea Gardner''': Are you nuts!? :'''Weevil Underwood''': I'm just in the mood for a friendly duel. :'''Yami Yugi''': Weevil, Who put you up to this? :'''Weevil Underwood''': No one did. I figured this was a good time to test out my new secret weapon, that's all. :'''Tristan Taylor''': Is that magic rock the professor told us about it! Where did you find that thing, Raptor!? :'''Joey Wheeler''': I knew it! ''He's'' working for ''them!'' :''[back on the train]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': You've been brainwashed, Weevil! :'''Téa''': Wake up! Those guys are just using you! :'''Weevil''': Who cares! as long as I have ultimate power! :'''Yami Yugi''': You're ''wrong!'' :'''Weevil''': Then just duel ''me!'' :'''Téa''': Wait a minute! :'''Yami Yugi''': Huh? Téa, no! It's too dangerous! :'''Téa''': Weevil! Don't you realize that if you go through with this duel, one of you guys is gonna lose your soul forever!? :'''Yami Yugi''': Téa. :'''Weevil''': Of course I do, Téa. That's the whole reason I'm here! To make him pay by ''sealing him away!'' :'''Téa''': Oh! :'''Yami Yugi''': Oh no! :'''Weevil''': Don't worry. Soon you'll be locked away with your friend Yugi, Pharaoh! ''[laughing]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Where is ''he!?'' Tell me! :'''Weevil''': I'm afraid the only way to find out is to duel me. so if you back down now, then you'll never see that little twerp again! :'''Yami Yugi''': Very well! Then let's duel! :'''Weevil''': ''[laughing]'' Wise choice, Pharaoh! ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' :'''Rex''': ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' I'm gonna enjoy this! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey Wheeler''': What did you do to my friends!? :'''Rex Raptor''': Nothing! Weevil's dealing with those two losers why I handled you two. :'''Tristan Taylor''': Weevil? So he's in on this train too. :'''Joey''': Rex, you guys pick the wrong side to join. :'''Rex''': Oh really? Well, we'll just see about that won't we. I've been given more power then you ever dreamed of! :'''Joey''': ''[growl]'' Look, Rex, not only can I duel circles around your sorry behind but you're half my size! So why don't you get out of my way before I step on you! :'''Rex''': Sorry, pal. I'm not going anywhere till we duel! So draw your cards and let's get it on, chump! I've got a duel to win! :'''Tristan''': Now what? :'''Joey''': ''[sighs]'' I warned them. Now let's trample this geek and then go find Yugi and Téa. :'''Tristan''': Good call. :'''Rex''': Oh yeah? You'll change your mind when ''I'' activate this card! :'''Joey and Tristan''': Huh? :'''Rex''': ''[snickers and holds up "The Seal of Orichalcos" card]'' Look familiar!? :'''Tristan''': The Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Joey''': Drop the card! That thing is evil, Rex. I'm telling ya, you have no idea what you're doing! :'''Rex''': You're not so tough now! Are you, Wheeler! ''[laughs and activates the card]'' :'''Joey''': ''He'' played it! :''[Joey and Tristan grunting and as Rex screams]'' :'''Tristan''': Aah! :'''Joey''': No, Tristan! :'''Rex''': Ahh! Ha Ha Ha! Now... That's what I call power. :'''Joey''': What was ''he'' thinking playing that! :'''Tristan''': Be careful, man! He just raised the stakes a this duel big time! Now who ever loses the game, loses their soul! :'''Joey''': Gee, Thanks for the reminder. :'''Rex''': Let's do this. It's payback time! :'''Joey''': Sorry, Rex. ''I'' won't duel ''you!'' :'''Rex''': You don't have much ''choice!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Weevil Underwood''': I won’t keep you in suspense any longer! ''[snickers]'' It’s my move! ''[holds up "The Seal of Orichalcos" card]'' And I think I’ll play the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Yami Yugi''': Weevil, don’t be a fool! :'''Weevil Underwood''': What seems to be the problem, Pharaoh? You’ve played this card before, haven’t you? If I’m not mistaken, this is what you used to lock little Yugi away! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Looks like the battles are underway. :'''Rafael''': Yes, Master. And if all goes well, the soul of the Pharaoh will soon be yours. Of course, we win no matter what, because whatever the final outcome is, we get two souls. :'''Dartz''': ''[evilly snickers]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rex Raptor''': Are you gonna duel, Wheeler? or just stand there like a loser while I take you apart? :'''Joey Wheeler''': I got no choice. Alright I didn't wanna do this... But you got yourself a duel! :'''Tristan Taylor''': Are you sure? :'''Joey Wheeler''': It's the only way to save Yuge, so yes. :'''Rex Raptor''': Good answer. I've been waiting for this moment for years. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': ''[evilly snickers]'' It won't be long now. The soul of the Pharaoh is nearly in my grasp. After all we have the perfect bait. ''[evilly laughter]'' :''[To Be Continued...]'' ====Part 2==== :''[Joey and Rex were still dueling with Panther Warrior, the two Gilasaurus and Kaitoptera still on the field]'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': Dude, you've got three dinos breathing down your neck! You better think of something before you're extinct! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Gee, thanks. :'''Rex Raptor''': You're in way over your head! Thanks to the Seal of Orichalcos, I can never be beat, but enough talk! On with the Duel! ''[draws Polymerization from his Deck]'' It's showtime. First, I'll use Polymerization to combine my Gilasaurus with my Kaitoptera to form Horned Saurus! ''[Horned Saurus appears on the field]'' But you ain't seen nothing yet! Next I'll play Giant Rex! ''[Giant Rex also appears on the field]'' And the Seal of Orichalcos gives my Jurassic giants a power boost! ''[Horned Saurus' and Giant Rex's eyes glow red as the Seal of Orichalcos raises their attack by 500]'' Time to get prehistoric on you, Wheeler, by letting my ravenous meat-eaters chow down on your Life Points! My Horned Saurus is up first! Now, attack Wheeler directly! :'''Tristan Taylor''': How can he do that when you've got a monster on the field? :'''Rex Raptor''': Easy, Horned Saurus has a special ability that lets him bypass your monsters and go straight for your Life Points! Tough break. ''[Horned Saurus fires a shockwave blast on top of Joey, making Joey's Life Points drop to 1500]'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': That runt is kicking your butt! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Thanks for the help. You're a real pal. :'''Rex Raptor''': For my next trick, Giant Rex will make your Panther Warrior disappear! ''[Giant Rex attack and destroys Panther Warrior]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Be patient, Great Leviathan. Soon the soul of the Pharaoh shall be yours. ''[evil laughing]'' :'''Weevil''': ''[chucking]'' You’re about to pay the ultimate price, and I’ll be known as the duelist who dethroned the king of games! :''[To Be Continued...]'' ====Part 3==== :'''Yami Yugi''': My dragon! He abandoned me! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rex Raptor''': Please Save me! ''[screaming as the Oricalchos claims Rex's soul]'' :'''Joey Wheeler''': ''Sorry, Rex. It's the only way.'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': Rex! Come on, man wake up! I know you're in there somewhere so snap out of it. :'''Joey Wheeler''': It's no use, Tristan. The Orichalcos has him now. But I promise we'll get him back. As soon as we find Pegasus and Yugi. :'''Tristan Taylor''': Yeah, but how? :'''Joey Wheeler''': But first we gotta figured out where this Dartz guy hangs out. Find him, and we'll find them. YOU HEAR ME, DARTZ?! WE'RE COMING TO GET YOU! AND WE'RE NOT LEAVING WITHOUT OUR FRIENDS! ''[echoes]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Yami Yugi and Weevil's Duel is still underway with Breaker the Magical Warrior, Poison Butterfly and Armored Centipede on the field]'' :'''Weevil Underwood''': I'll tell you what. Because I feel sorry for you, I'd be willing to do you a little favor before you lose. I have a card in my pocket I think you'd like to see. I can't wait to see the look on your face! ''[laughs hysterically]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[snarls]'' ''Weevil!'' :'''Weevil Underwood''': Relax, Pharaoh, I'm just trying to be nice. It's the least I can do to repay you for ruining my life. You wanna see Yugi, right? ''[the flashback cuts in]'' His spirit is trapped, deep in the caverns of Dartz's lair, and I know how to set him free! ''[cuts back to the present]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Tell me how to save him right now! :'''Weevil Underwood''': ''[laughs]'' Very well. In order to release his soul, you'll need a special card. ''[takes out a Gokibore card out of his pocket]'' And I've got it right here. :'''Yami Yugi''': What?! Then hand it to me now! :'''Weevil Underwood''': That's not a nice way to ask! Why don't you try saying, "Pretty please, with sugar on top"? ''[Yami Yugi walks short, but realizes that Weevil was bluffing]'' Oh, well, too late! So it looks like I'll have to teach you a lesson in manners! Now say goodbye! ''[rips the Gokibore card in half]'' Yugi's gone FOREVER! ''[Yami Yugi, having witnessed Weevil rip the card, suddenly erupts into an uncontrollable rage]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[roars ferociously]'' '''NO!''' :'''Weevil Underwood''': ''[laughing]'' :'''Tea Gardner''': ''[in tears]'' No. Poor Yugi. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[furiously]'' You snake! :'''Weevil Underwood''': ''[laughs]'' Don’t you know a joke when you hear one? I tore up a useless bug card. :'''Tea Gardner''': Huh? ''[anger]'' Weevil, That’s not very funny! :'''Weevil Underwood''': You people have no sense of humour! :'''Yami Yugi''': You'll pay for that! You hear me, Weevil!? :'''Weevil Underwood''': Ha! Huh? :'''Yami Yugi''': You'll pay dearly! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Weevil Underwood''': ''[thinking]'' Yugi's been planning this all along! :'''Yami Yugi''': It's the beginning of the end for you! ''[draws a monster card from his Deck]'' I've drawn Queen's Knight! ''[discards Queen's Knight to the Graveyard]'' And since it's a monster, my warrior can attack! Go! ''[Breaker attacks Weevil's Life Points, making them go to 700]'' Now, for my next card! ''[draws Gazelle the King of Mythical Beasts]'' Looks like you're out of luck. Attack again! ''[Breaker makes a second attack at Weevil, making Weevil's Life Points drop to 0]'' I draw again! ''[draws Big Shield Gardna]'' Another monster! ''[Breaker delivers the third blow to Weevil]'' This just isn't your day! ''[draws Alpha the Magnet Warrior and Breaker attacks Weevil while Tea tearfully witnesses the moment]'' Breaker, attack him again! ''[Breaker delivers the last blow to Weevil, just as the Oricalchos claims Weevil's soul]'' Let's see. ''[draws Dark Magician Girl]'' Oh, well... :'''Tea Gardner''': ''[rushes to Yami Yugi in tears]'' Please, Pharaoh! No more! :'''Yami Yugi''': Let me go! :'''Tea Gardner''': You can stop now. It's over. You've already won the duel. The Seal of Oricalchos is gone. We have to put an end to all this. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''Tea's right'', ''[holds Dark Magician Girl card]'' ''I have a promise to keep.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': So many souls, so little time. The Great Leviathan is growing impatient. I must supply him with the power he needs to awaken… and for that, I need the soul of the Pharaoh. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Tell me where Yugi is! :'''Tea Gardner''': Pharaoh... It's no use. You won. So the Seal of Oricalcos took Weevil away. Pharaoh? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': No! I need him alive! ===''Self Destruction'' [4.19]=== :''[after the train derails and falling off the cliffs a passenger car on the river, at Dartz's lair Dartz not happy]'' :'''Dartz''': ''[stands up]'' Somehow I've lost contact with the Pharaoh. :'''Rafael''': Maybe he didn't survive the fall. :'''Dartz''': He did. However, Something or someone is hiding him from my vision. :'''Rafael''': Then let me be your eyes, Master. I'll track him down and make up for my failure. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chris''': ''[offscreen]'' Skye! Get back here! Skye! ''[appeared enter the tent]'' That's no way to treat our guests. ''[to Pharaoh and Téa]'' Sorry if she woke you up. :'''Yami Yugi''': Who are you? How did you find us? :'''Chris''': You can call me Chris. ''[giggles]'' And you've already met Skye. She's the one that found you. She was sniffing around for food and ended up sniffing out you guys instead. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ironheart''': I see your strength is back. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes, Thank you. :'''Ironheart''': Pleased to hear it. You two had me worried. By the way, the name is Ironheart, and I believe this belongs to you. Pardon me for being intrusive... But I couldn't help noticing you possess the legendary Eye of Timaeus... The only one of it's kind. :'''Yami Yugi''': Take it. I'm not deserving of it's power. :'''Téa Gardner''': That's not true. :'''Ironheart''': I'll hold it until you're ready. :'''Téa Gardner''': Did you find another kid? He had glasses and a bad haircut? He was on the train with us it crashed. :'''Ironheart''': No, I'm afraid you were the only ones we found. Perhaps your friend was able to escape before the train fell off that cliff. I assure you, there wasn't another soul on board. :'''Yami Yugi''': I highly doubt Weevil was able to escape. Not in the condition he was in. I'm afraid there's a greater power at work here. :'''Ironheart''': I must say, young man. You seem to possess a wisdom that reaches far beyond your years. Now, I've encountered many people in my travels... but there's something about you i've never seen before... something in your eyes. I'm also sensing that you hold a great deal of loneliness in your heart. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's because I recently lost a very close friend of mine. His name is Yugi Muto. And now... I'm on a journey to find his soul. :'''Ironheart''': What will you do if you find him? :'''Yami Yugi''': I’ll apologize for betraying his trust and abandoning him. :'''Ironheart''': Hmm. I might just be able to help. Follow me. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Rafael jumps on the rail carriage after the train falls off the cliff looking for the Pharaoh.]'' :'''Rafael''': Hey, Pharaoh! You in there or not!? How did he escape? ''[looks at the mountain]'' I'LL FIND YOU, PHARAOH, WHEREVER YOU ARE! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi Muto''': Is that really you? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi! :'''Tea''': Hey, It's him! :'''Yami Yugi''': I've found you! Hmm? :'''Yugi''': You came all this way just to see me? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes of course, I just want you to say how sorry I am. :'''Yugi''': I'm sorry too, I wish this whole thing never happened. :'''Yami Yugi''': It's my fault. I surrendered to my inner darkness. I allowed my anger to take over and you paid the price. But now that you're gone, The darkness is starting to grow without your light to keep me pure... I'm becoming evil, Yugi. I'm beginning to believe that what Rafael said about me is true. Perhaps I was a [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|wicked pharaoh]]. ''[Flashes back to their first duel, Rafael told Pharaoh heard about the Pharaoh are the one responsible for the destroy Egypt.]'' What if I am the one responsible for the destruction of Egypt? If I'm capable of such horrific behavior then it's my soul that should be locked away. :'''Yugi''': Well, What good is that now!? ''I'm'' the one who's been locked away forever, Not ''you''! :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm sorry? :'''Yugi''': Well, The last thing I need is your pity, Pharaoh! If You're really evil there's only thing to do. :'''Yami Yugi''': What are you saying? :'''Yugi''': You said it yourself, Didn't you? Your spirit should be locked away with mine. And I'm gonna do it. :'''Yami Yugi''': Wait! You misunderstood me! :'''Yugi''': Oh, So now you're taking back what you said!? Make up your mind! ''You'' don't deserve to be a part of this world! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[shocked]'' Yugi. :'''Yugi''': It's about time you started taking some responsibility for what you've done! There's only one thing left to do and you know it! You need to be a man for once and face me in a duel now! :'''Yami Yugi''': No please. :'''Yugi''': Too late! It's time for you to pay! If you're really sorry then you'll do this! It's time to duel! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tea''': Wait, So he's gonna duel himself. But why? :'''Ironheart''': This is the only way. :'''Tea''': Huh? :'''Chris''': That's why we took you guys here. So the pharaoh can face his other half. He has to deal with what he did so he can put it all behind him and finally move on. :'''Tea''': How do you know all this stuff? :'''Chris''': We've always known this. We were taught that a warrior would come to save our world. And as soon as we found you guys, We knew that he was the one. :'''Tea''': So, what's he supposed to do now? :'''Ironheart''': His first step is to face his inner fears and conquer the darkness that lurks within his heart. But if he loses this battle, The pharaoh's spirit will remain here forever. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Why are ''you'' acting like this?! :'''Yugi''': I'm just a reflection of ''you''! :'''Yami Yugi''': What do you mean, Yugi!? :'''Yugi''': You don't get it, do you? You and I are exactly the same. So the darkness that's in your heart... is also inside my heart. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi, I wish I could take it back. :'''Yugi''': Too late! You've already shown me who you really are an evil pharaoh who cares only about himself! Face the Facts! ''You'' didn't care what happened to me so long as you had power! Now it's my turn! :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi, wait! Are you holding the card I think you are!? :'''Yugi''': It's sounds like your starting to catch on aren't you, your highness? This duel is a chance for you to look at yourself from the outside. And there's only one card that can make that happen... The Seal of Orichalcos. :'''Yami Yugi''': Huh!? Yugi, no! ''[gasps]'' :'''Yugi''': Now it's pay back time, For taken my soul! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi… Don’t do this! Snap out of it! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': YUGI NO! I won't let you do this! ''[screaming]'' '''STOP!''' I ACTIVATE THE TRAP CARD... DIVINE WIND! :'''Yugi''': He did it! He was able to reverse my attack and double its strength to win the duel! :''[blast on Yugi and he screams and making his Life Points drop to 0]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': What have I done!? Yugi! :'''Yugi''': ''[groaning]'' :'''Tea Gardner''': Is he alright? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi! ''[running towards Yugi]'' Come on! ''[holds his body]'' Speak to me, Please! :'''Yugi''': You passed the test, pal. :'''Yami Yugi''': What are you taking about, Yugi? Did you plan this all along? :'''Yugi''': It was the only way. By defeating me you were able to defeat the darkness that was inside your heart. It wasn’t easy, But you did what was best for me and for mankind. You acted like a true hero. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[in tears]'' But now what? What can I do? :'''Yugi''': Don't give up this fight. Remember... I'm aways with you. ''[disappears]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[gasps see Yugi disappears]'' I'll save you! No matter what it takes. ===''Reliving the Past'' [4.20]=== :'''Téa''': Seems like the Pharaoh's in pretty bad shape down there. :'''Ironheart''': Of course. There's still a hole in his heart has Yet to be filled. :'''Téa''': ''[worried; thinking]'' Poor, guy. He still blames himself for what happened to Yugi. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[cries in tears after the duel with Yugi]'' Yugi, If it weren’t for me, You'd still be here. I'll never forgive myself. ''[Flashes back to their [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|last duel as the Seal took Yugi instead]].]'' Mark my words! I won't rest you until I get you back! Uhh! It's not fair! I should be locked away! Not you! I’m the one ''who'' played that evil card! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Meet Orichalcos Gigas! Attack the Pharaoh! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': I've got you right where I what you, Pharaoh. ''[evilly chuckle]'' :''[Rafael watches the Pharaoh and the Orichalcos soldier were still dueling with Obnoxious Celtic Guardian and Orichalcos Gigas still on the field]'' :'''Rafael''': Let's see you get yourself outta this. :'''Tea Gardner''': He's about to lose! :'''Ironheart''': There is but one thing that can save him. :'''Chris''': The card he gave you? :'''Ironheart''': Mmm. ''[grabs the card]'' The Eye of Timaeus. The creature that fought by my side so long ago. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': ''[spots at Ironheart]'' Who is that? :'''Ironheart''': Pharaoh! Take this card! :'''Yami Yugi''': Ironheart!? :'''Dartz''': You've disrupted my plans for the last time, old man. :''[lightning bolt strikes on Ironheart]'' :'''Ironheart''': AAH! :'''Yami Yugi''': IRONHEART! NO! :'''Chris''': GRANDFATHER! :'''Ironheart''': ''[groaning and collapses and holds up "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' Please take this card from me. It's the only way to defeat the beast. :''[Orichalcos blocks the Pharaoh on the field]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': I can't get out! :'''Chris''': Grandpa! :'''Ironheart''': It's up to you. :'''Chris''': What do you mean, Gramps? :'''Ironheart''': ''[groaning]'' Take this... and bring it to the Pharaoh. ''[Chris grab "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' Otherwise, All hope is lost. Good luck. ''[disappears]'' :'''Chris''': ''[gasps, sees her grandfather disappears in tears]'' No, Grandpa! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Please, Chris, Turn back! It's far too dangerous! :'''Chris''': ''[running, holds up "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' Pharaoh, My Grandpa want you to have this! ''[lightning bolt strikes on Chris]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': NO! :'''Chris''': ''[screaming]'' AAAAAHHHH! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Chris, No! :'''Chris''': ''[gasping]'' Pharaoh... ''[holds up "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' Take this... please. :'''Yami Yugi''': What is it? :'''Chris''': ''[groaning]'' It's the only thing that can stop him. It saved us once... and with your help it can save us again. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[grab and hold the card]'' The Eye of Timaeus. :'''Chris''': ''[smile and eyes closed]'' I trust you, Pharaoh. Thank you. ''[disappears]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[see Chris disappears]'' Hold on! Come back! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': There's only one thing left to do, ''[looks at "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' I hope you deem me worthy of your power, ''[close his eyes]'' I’m truly sorry for having betrayed you. But the lives are so many innocent people are getting hurt and depending on you, So I asked you not for myself, But for all those at risk. Please help me, Timaeus. The future of two worlds hangs in the balance, ''[open his eyes]'' we must win! No matter what. ''[draws Dark Magician Girl card]'' Now I sacrifice my Celtic Guardian in order to summon Dark Magician Girl! ''[summons Dark Magician Girl]'' Next I'll play... The legendary Eye of Timaeus! :'''Dartz''': He'll never learn. :'''Rafael''': ''[surprised]'' I don't believe it. He should never have been able to summon that dragon! :'''Yami Yugi''': Dark Magician Girl, fuse with Timaeus, forming Dark Magician Girl the dragon knight! Next, I'll enhance your strength with my Excalibur magic card! Attack! Destroy his creature of darkness! ''[Timaeus fire blast and Dark Magician Girl rise the sword and blast on the Orichalcos Gigas and the Orichalcos Soldier Blasting light]'' YOU HEAR ME, DARTZ?! I'M COMING TO GET YOU! AND I'M NOT LEAVING WITHOUT MY FRIENDS! ''[echoes]'' :'''Dartz''': ''[thinking]'' This isn't over, Pharaoh. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey Wheeler''': I'm assuming you see that gigantic green sunset over there, right? :'''Tristan Taylor''': What do you think it is? :'''Joey''': Hmm? ''[holds "The Claw of Hermos" card glowing]'' I'm guessing it's got something to do with this. Let's just hope Téa and the Pharaoh are alright. Come on! ''[ran off]'' :'''Tristan''': Hey, Wait! It's your turn to carry Rex! ''[ran off to followed Joey]'' I know you can hear me! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[to Timaeus and Dark Magician Girl]'' Well done, my creatures. He's gone now. Thanks to you two. But I feel this is just the beginning. :'''Rafael''': I have to say I'm glad you won, Pharaoh. 'Cause now I can be the one who delivers your soul to Master Dartz. ''[walks away]'' :''[Tea spots at Ironheart, Chris and Skye along with the three legendary dragons in stone]'' :'''Tea Gardner''': Wait. That's a carving of Ironheart, Chris and Skye from 10,000 years ago? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes. :'''Tea Gardner''': So you mean to tell me that those guys were just ghosts or something? :'''Yami Yugi''': They're spirits who once fought a great war, and now they've been captured by Dartz. ''[Tea stands up then she and the Pharaoh turns around and walks away]'' This gives me three more reasons to hunt down this madman and bring peace to the world once again. ===''Deck of Armor'' [4.21]=== :'''Yami Yugi''': Take my hand. We're back where we left off. :'''Téa''': Nice. Now all we have to do is follow those railway tracks. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's right. If all goes well, they should lead us straight to Tristan and Joey. assuming they haven't wandered off. :'''Téa''': They better be there. We have to do what we set out to do. Figure out where this Dartz creep hangs out so we can set free everyone he captured. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes, Téa. I only wish it were that easy. :'''Téa''': And remind me never to get on the train again. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Inside Paradius headquarters Mai at the meeting room with Dartz, Valon, Rafael, and Alister after Joey defeats Rex Raptor at the middle of nowhere on the railway line]'' :'''Mai Valentine''': Just leave Joey Wheeler to me. :'''Rafael''': You'll do nothing until Master Dartz gives you an assignment. :'''Mai Valentine''': What is this, Third grade? I decide who I'm gonna duel for myself. I don't wait for the homework assignment. :'''Rafael''': Why don't you show a little respect? :'''Alister''': Come on, Raf, as if little miss loud mouth knows respect? :'''Mai Valentine''': What did you call me? :'''Rafael''': Relax. :'''Mai Valentine''': Look, I was doing perfectly fine until Johnny stuntman over there stepped in. If it wasn't for you, I would a won. As for you, I don't need some scrawny freak dictating my every move! I'm out of here, losers! ''[opens the door]'' Humph! ''[walks off alone]'' :'''Dartz''': Just let her go, Valon. :'''Valon''': Hmm? :'''Dartz''': She can try to run away from fate, But in the end she'll get what she deserves. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': I know you’re deep down you feel the way I do, Mai. :'''Mai''': What? :'''Valon''': That’s why we found each other. You’re just like me… Lonely and misunderstood. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duke Devlin''': ''[driving]'' Should we have left so soon? :'''Rebecca Hawkins''': Of course. Time is running out. We have to catch up with the others now. ''[inside the caravan, Arthur was asleep]'' Besides, Gramps can get just as much rest on the road. Plus, we can't translate those ancient ruins without his help, Duke. :'''Duke''': Huh? ''[spots at Valon with Mai Valentine]'' Hey Rebecca, look, It's Mai Valentine. But what's she doing here? Wait a sec! That guy... ''[Flashes back to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|Joey and Mai's first duel]], Duke saw Valon next to Rafael watching Mai against Joey]'' I recognize him. He's one of those biker punks that brainwashed Mai. ''[cuts back to the present]'' He works for Dartz. :'''Rebecca''': Stop the car, Duke! :'''Duke''': Rebecca! Hold on! We’re dealing with a lunatic here! :'''Rebecca''': Alright, Tell me what you did with Yugi?! You guys had no right to take him! :'''Valon''': Sorry, kid, Never heard of him. :'''Rebecca''': Well, maybe this’ll refresh your memory! I win, You talk! Let’s duel! :'''Duke''': No, Rebecca! It’s too dangerous! :'''Rebecca''': I’ll be fine. I’ve dueled tougher opponents than this. So what are you say, punk? Do we have a deal or not? :'''Valon''': You can’t be serious, kid. :'''Mai''': Here’s your big chance. Why don’t you show me your stuff. :'''Rebecca''': Let’s go. I don’t have all day. :'''Valon''': Well, why not? She could use a lesson in manners and I got five minutes to kill. Plus I can sho off a few of my new dueling strategies. Alright. You talked me into it, mate. Let’s have a go. :'''Duke''': Hold on! If you dueling her then you'll dueling me too, tough guy! :'''Valon''': Peachy. Then I’ll take both of you blokes on. Ha. ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' Pay attention, Mai. This is for you. :'''Duke''': Remember, Rebecca, don’t let him play the seal of Orichalcos. :'''Rebecca''': Got it. :'''Valon, Duke and Rebecca''': Let’s duel! <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :''[Valon defeats Rebecca Hawkins and Duke Devlin in their duel.]'' :'''Rebecca''': Fine, You won. Now leave us alone. :'''Duke''': Get lost. :'''Valon''': Very well then, I gotta message for Joey Wheeler, tell that punk he's next. ''[laughing, then spots at Mai hops on her motorcycle]'' Where are you going, Mai. :'''Mai''': I told you, I worked alone! ''[droves off]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Téa, do you see what I see? :'''Téa''': You mean all those weird lights? :'''Yami Yugi''': I fear it’s the great beast. The same thing happened when it emerged the first time. ''[thinking]'' ''We’re running out of time.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Yes, Great Leviathan. Keep feeding, my child. You’re almost ready. ''[evilly chuckling]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Inside the KaibaCorp Airplane where Seto and Mokuba sitting on the seat]'' :'''Mokuba Kaiba''': You think it’s true, Seto? I mean, could Yugi really have lost to one of Alister's partners in a duel? And does that mean he’s trapped somewhere now? :'''Seto Kaiba''': It just means Yugi’s not as perfect as everyone thinks he is, and he’s not worth my time. We’ve got more important things to do. ===''Flight of Fear'' [4.22-23]=== ====Part 1==== :''[Kaiba and Alister's rematch duel begins]'' :'''Alister''': As the challenger, I'll start! And I'll summon my Science Soldier in defense mode! That's all for now. :'''Seto''': How pathetic. My move! I summon X-Head Cannon in attack mode! Now, X-Head Cannon, attack! Looks like you're defenseless. :'''Mokuba''': ''[worried; thinking]'' If Alister plays that Seal of Orichalcos, Seto's in big trouble! :'''Alister''': No big deal. Watch this! I play Cyber Soldier of Dark World. And next, I'll place one card facedown and end my turn. :'''Seto''': What a joke! My move! I summon Y-Dragon Head in attack mode! Attack his Cyber Soldier of Dark World, now! And now, X-Head Cannon, attack his Life Points directly! :'''Mokuba''': ''[thinking]'' Alister's making this too easy. :'''Seto''': I think that's just about enough punishment for now. I end my turn. ''[sets a card facedown]'' :'''Alister''': You sound pretty confident, Kaiba, but you'll change your tune. You've been so pretty occupied with your own monsters, you forgot what I have waiting in my deck. I guess I'll have to remind you. It's the card I used on you last time and it changes the entire playing field! :'''Seto''': ''[realizes]'' Hold it! Did you just draw what I think you did, Alister?! ''[turns to Mokuba]'' Mokuba, GET BACK! :'''Alister''': ''[raises the card up in his hand which is The Seal of Orichalcos]'' I activate the Seal of Orichalcos! ''[laughs as the Seal of Orichalcos grows the circle which engulfs the room and knocks Mokuba away from it's boundary]'' :'''Seto''': Mokuba! ''[beams of green light shoot out of the plane and as Alister screams, the plane's controls end up being sabotaged, including the autopilot]'' This can't be real! ''[The Seal of Orichalcos rises Kaiba and Alister up to the top of the plane]'' What's going on, Alister? :'''Alister''': ''[with his eyes glowing red]'' I just needed some air, that's all. <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> ====Part 2==== <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Man''': Master Dartz, I've just received word from our business division. :'''Dartz''': Yes, go on. :'''Man''': The Takeover was a success. Congratulations, Master. Kaiba Corp now belongs to you. ===''Paradise Found'' [4.24]=== <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': I got the images, And my grandpa's looking them over now. :'''Yami Yugi''': Good. Let's meet up as soon as possible. Oh, And one more thing… I'm sorry. :'''Arthur Hawkins''': Rebecca, You can't blame the Pharaoh for what happened to Yugi. :'''Rebecca''': ''[looks at her grandfather worried]'' Huh? :'''Arthur''': There's far too much at stake for hurting his feelings. You must be so hard on him. Right now, We're all fighting a common enemy. And this data may be our only hope. :'''Rebecca''': ''[sadly]'' You're right. :'''Arthur''': Pharaoh, The quality of the images is much worse then I thought. Unless we clear up these photos I won’t be able to read much at all. :'''Seto Kaiba''': Set a course for Kaiba Corporation headquarters immediately. :'''Tristan''': Dude, are you nuts. :'''Tea''': Dartz and his gang must’ve taken over the place by now. :'''Seto Kaiba''': The only way we can process these images fast enough is by using computer system, so we have no choice. :'''Joey''': Say what?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Kaiba has a good point, Joey. :'''Joey''': He does? :'''Yami Yugi''': First, they took Pegasus away… and now they’ve taken over Kaiba's company. Which means we've got to stop these criminals before they make their next move, and we have no time to lose! :'''Seto Kaiba''': Wow… You're more hung ho than I expected. You know, since you lost your title and all. :'''Yami Yugi''': Kaiba, this fight is about so much more than a mere championship dueling title. Don’t you see!? People are getting hurt and the world's in danger! :'''Seto Kaiba''': Hmm. Blah, blah, blah. Don’t you get tired of making the same speech every time you’re faced with a challenge? Stop saving the world and get a hobby. :'''Yami Yugi''': Rebecca, we’ll meet you two at the pier. :'''Rebecca''': 10-4 we’ll see you there. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': Master Dartz. :'''Dartz''': Take a look, Rafael. Your friend wasn't careful. :'''Rafael''': ''[spots at Alister in stone]'' Alister. :'''Dartz''': Don't sound so displeased. He's better off where he is now. Alister's energy, along with our other prisoners', will fuel the great beast. The Pharaoh and his friends will be arriving shortly. I trust you'll give them a warm welcome, Hmm. :'''Rafael''': He won't escaped me this time. <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Seto Kaiba''': ''[to Roland and Fuguta sent a soulless Alister and soulless Rex Raptor to the Hospital]'' Take those two to the medical center. I'm feeling generous. :'''Roland and Fuguta''': Right. :''[The KaibaCorp helicopter takes off to take Alister and Rex to the Hospital.]'' :'''Mokuba Kaiba''': Good luck, guys. :'''Joey Wheeler''': Stay safe. :'''Yami Yugi''': Professor, I'm glad you're alright. :'''Joey''': Me too. Hey, hows was the road trip, guys? :'''Duke''': Could a been better. We hit a pretty big snag on the way. :'''Joey''': Flat tire? :'''Duke''': We ran into Mai and one of those freaks. The one that jumped in and ended your duel. :'''Joey''': That jerk. :'''Duke''': He's really got it in for you, man. and I'm afraid Mai's still on their side too. :'''Joey''': Grr. Just wait until ''I'' find him! :'''Rebecca''': Hey, any word yet on Yugi? We have to find him. If you don't get him back, I'll never forgive you. Plus we need him to fight these guys! :'''Yami Yugi''': I miss Yugi, too. and I promise I will rescue him. You have word. But I need to pay a little visit to KaibaCorp first. :'''Rebecca''': Let me come with you! You'll need some tech support. :'''Seto Kaiba''': Ha! This Isn't some kind of field trip, kid. But I guess you can tag along if you want. :'''Rebecca''': I'm no kid! :'''Seto Kaiba''': Whatever you say, kid. I don't know about you geeks. But I have a company to save. So whoever's coming with me, let's move. :'''Mokuba Kaiba''': OK. :'''Tea''': Good luck and be careful. :'''Yami Yugi''': Right. :'''Tristan''': Alright, Tea. We better tell the police what's going on. The way this is heading we're gonna need all the help we can get. :'''Tea''': Yeah, good point. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Policeman 1''': Why don't you start over and this time try telling the truth? :'''Tea''': Don't you understand? That is the truth. There's a motorcycle gang going around stealing people's souls with a magic card. :'''Policeman 1''': Ha! You kids watched too many cartoons. :'''Tristan''': We're serious. These guys are trying to take over the whole world. :'''Policeman 2''': Really... Tell me something young man... this so called "gang"... do they wear a symbol like this! <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Here I come you creeps! :'''Rebecca''': Hey! Whoa! :'''Duke''': Get back here, Joey! Come on, man, we need a plan first! <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': This is Valon, Go ahead. :'''Rafael''': ''[on radio]'' The Pharaoh's friends are heading your way. :'''Valon''': Good, Then is time for me to show Joey Wheeler who's boss. :'''Rafael''': Valon, wait! :''[Valon turns off the radio and hops on the motorcycle droves off on the way back to the city]'' :'''Valon''': ''I gotta prove me-self to Mai.'' :''[Tristan and Tea saw Joey was running in the streets in the middle of the night]'' :'''Tristan''': Look, Here comes Joey! :'''Tea''': And there he goes. :'''Tristan''': Hey! Come back! You're going the wrong way! :'''Tea''': He's heading straight for the zombie patrol. :'''Tristan''': Go warn the others, Tea! I gotta stop him! ''[rans off]'' :'''Tea''': Tristan! :'''Joey''': ''I'm coming for you, Dartz and I'm not leaving without Yugi and Mai!'' :''[To Be Continued...]'' ===''Fighting for a Friend'' [4.25-29]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Tristan Taylor''': Joey, Come back! I'm wearing the wrong shoes for this! Joey, stop! :'''Joey Wheeler''': ''[stops and spots at the Orichalcos soldier]'' What's that?! :'''Tristan''': Uh, Joey. :'''Joey''': Yeah? :'''Tristan''': Maybe we should start running again. :'''Joey and Tristan''': ''[screaming]'' :'''Tristan''': Hey, stop! :'''Young guy''': You ever here looking both ways?! ''[droves off]'' :'''Tristan''': Hey, Hold on! :'''Joey''': You're going the wrong way! :'''Tristan''': Turn back! :'''Young guy''': ''[spots at the Orichalcos soldier]'' Whoa! Mommy! ''[falls off the motorcycle]'' It's just a dream... It's just a dream. ''[whimping and running away]'' :'''Joey''': See ya! ''[he and Tristan runs off as the Orichalcos soldier chases them]'' We've never out run this thing! :'''Tristan''': Joey! :''[Joey punches the Orichalcos soldier but then it shatters]'' :'''Tristan''': You beat him. :'''Joey''': ''[spots at Valon]'' Actually, I think he did. Hold on! I know you! [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|You're the ''one'' that took Mai!]] :'''Valon''': Right you are, mate! ''[droves turns around away]'' :'''Joey''': Hey! Come back! ''[runs after Valon]'' :'''Tristan''': Joey, Not again! Come back! :'''Joey''': ''[notices a motorcycle]'' This will do the trick. ''[puts the helmet on]'' Now... ''[picks up the motorcycle and hops on]'' Time to chase him down and save Mai! ''[droves off to chase Valon.]'' :'''Tristan''': Are you nuts?! ''[confused]'' I guess so. He's riding right into a trap. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': ''[chucking]'' Keep fighting, my soldiers. We must continue to collect the souls of man and beast, Until we have amassed enough power to rebuild Atlantis. ''[evil laughing]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Meanwhile Tristan was running a middle of the streets looking for Joey.]'' :'''Tristan''': Joey! Where are you?! ''[Mai’s motorcycle light appears towards him]'' Is that you Joey? :'''Mai Valentine''': ''[takes her bike helmet off]'' Not quite but I am looking for him. :'''Tristan''': Look, Mai… :'''Mai''': Save it, Dweeb! ''I'' know ''you’re'' his babysitter so where is ''he?!'' :'''Tristan''': How should ''I know?!'' One of ''your'' little pals forced him into a game of ''cat and mouse'' and now ''he's'' gone! :'''Mai''': ''[gasps]'' It’s Valon! :'''Tristan''': This is all your fault, Mai! ''[Mai puts her helmet on]'' ''You’re'' the one who got Joey into this mess in the first place! :'''Mai''': Out of my way! ''[drove off]'' :'''Tristan''': Hey! '''Get back here!''' The last thing ''he'' needs right now is '''''you!''''' ''[Mai ignores him and he growls]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': Here we are, old chum. Glad you could make it. Now let's get down to business, shall we? :'''Joey Wheeler''': Look, pal I want Mai back. :'''Valon''': Then why chase me? She happens to have a mind of her own, you know. :'''Joey Wheeler''': ''She'' did. At least... ''She'' did before ''you'' guys brainwashed ''her!'' :'''Valon''': You don't get it, mate. No one was brainwashed! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Huh? :'''Valon''': Mai chose to join ''our'' side with her own free will. And do you want to know why? She was sick of taking a back seat while you got all the fame! Then I stepped in and changed all that. :'''Joey Wheeler''': You messed with her head, that's what you did! She was the one of my best friends! But the last time I saw her she was saying things that Mai never would have said. :''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#My_Freaky_Valentine|he and Mai's duel she chose to join Dartz's team]] flashback ends.]'' :'''Valon''': Wake up, Wheeler! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Who do you think you are!? and what do you what with me? You better start Explain yourself, now!? :'''Valon''': Okay, look, the name's Valon, I led you here to get rid of you for good, 'cause Mai ''can't'' be happy with you around! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Huh? and what does that mean? :'''Valon''': You're a constant reminder of what here life used to be, and Mai whats to forget all that! But as long as you still exist in this world, she be never be able to forget! So, I'm here to erase you for good! ''[thinking]'' ''Plus, I know that deep down, Mai still loves you. and I can't have that!'' So, what do you say, Wheeler? Do we have ourselves a duel or not? Not that I'm giving you much of a choice! ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' :'''Joey Wheeler''': You know what, Valon, I never back down from a challenge especially when I'm fighting for a friend! Now let's duel! ''[their life points to 4000, Joey and Valon's duel begins]'' You're going down, My move. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': ''[panting]'' All right. I'm officially lost. ''[panting]'' Phew. I guess I can pretty much forget about finding Joey now. ''[but the Orichalcos soldier behind him]'' Huh? ''[Orichalcos soldier roaring]'' AHHH! YOU AGAIN?! ''[gulp]'' Hi, remember me? :'''Duke''': Huh? ''[stop the car]'' Tristan! :'''Mokuba''': What's going on? :'''Tea''': Maybe we should get someone else behind the wheel. :'''Duke''': Tristan needs our help, Look! :'''Tea''': ''[looks at Tristan with Orichalcos soldier]'' Oh no! :'''Tristan''': Come on! I’m taking whatever you got! :'''Yami Yugi''': Go, Celtic Guardian! :''[Celtic Guardian attacks Orichalcos soldier]'' :'''Tristan''': Huh? :'''Yami Yugi/Téa/Rebecca''': Tristan! :'''Duke''': Hey! Are you alright?! :'''Tristan''': Huh? ''[sees The Pharaoh, Téa, Duke and Rebecca running towards him]'' Thanks, Pharaoh. You came in the nick of time. Of course, I could have taken him myself. :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm afraid the only thing that would have been taken is your soul had we arrived any later. :'''Tristan''': I know, so those things are working for Dartz. :'''Téa''': Hey, Where's Joey? I thought you guys were together? :'''Tristan''': We were, Until he decided to hop on some guy's motorcycle and take off after one of Dartz's little flunkies. :'''Duke''': ''[shocked]'' You're kidding! :'''Rebecca''': Oh no! Was it Valon? :'''Tristan''': Who? :'''Duke''': It's Valon. He's the young guy that Rebecca and I dueled. :'''Téa''': Is that a bad thing? :'''Rebecca''': Not only does [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Deck of Armor|Valon have a thing against Joey]], but he's got a deck full of monsters I've never seen before. :'''Yami Yugi''': Let's go. We have to find Joey before it's too late. :'''Seto Kaiba''': That chump's gonna have to wait 'cause we've got bigger problems. :'''Yami Yugi''': What do you mean? :'''Seto Kaiba''': Look around you! ====Part 2==== :'''Joey Wheeler''': No, Not that! :'''Valon''': Well, looks like you're starting to catch on, mate. I play the Seal of Orichalcos! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': We’re just getting started. By the end of this duel, you’ll be begging for mercy. Then your old buddy Mai will see what a pathetic chump you really are, and hopefully she’ll realize why she walked out on you in the first place so she can move on already! :'''Joey''': Watch it, Valon! :'''Valon''': Look, mate… All I’m watching out for is myself! And right now, the best thing for me is to get rid of you! 'Cause as long as you’re around, Mai's gonna be obsessed with dueling you. :'''Joey''': Hmm? :'''Valon''': That’s right. Since your last duel, all she talks about is a rematch. But I can’t let Mai put herself in that kind of danger again… So I got to you first. You see Wheeler, I’m not such a bad guy. We both what the same thing. We want Mai to be happy. :'''Joey''': Come on, Valon… Get real. Ha. If you really wanted Mai to be happy… You wouldn’t have brainwashed her in the first place! :'''Valon''': I told you, ''She'' chose to join us! :'''Joey''': No way! I know Mai, and ''she'' never would have walked out on us like that. Not unless someone messed with her head! And if you asked me, This Dartz guy is messing with all of your ''heads!'' :'''Valon''': Hmm? :'''Joey''': That orichalcos card ''he'' gave you has evil magic in it, and it makes everyone who holds it go nuts! :'''Valon''': Are you done? If you are, then allow me to tell you the truth. That orichalcos card did more for Mai than you ever could. She was weak, and it made her strong! She was lost, and it showed her the way! :''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|Dartz joins Mai to part of Doma organization]], Dartz welcoming Mai.]'' :'''Dartz''': Welcome to our family, Miss Valentine. Now go, and remember the Orichcalos is always with you. :''[Mai went to see Valon outside]'' :'''Valon''': So, how's it feel? You've got what you always wanted. :'''Mai''': Look, I appreciate you taking me here... ''[holds up "The Seal of Orichalcos" card]'' But don't think this means I owe you anything. :'''Valon''': What? :'''Mai''': I do things my way. And I have no interest in being part of some team, Valon. I already made that mistake once and you know where it got me?Absolutely Nowhere. So, no, thanks. :'''Valon''': ''[chuckles]'' I know what you mean. You and I are exactly the same, Valentine. :'''Mai''': Hmm? :'''Valon''': We're both loners. But you have to admit... Sometimes it's not all that fun. :''[Then [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#The_Creator_Returns|After she tooked Pegasus' soul]], she has a long face]''. :'''Valon''': Why the long face, Mai? You just accomplished your first mission with flying colors. :'''Mai''': Yeah, I know, Valon. But defeating Maximilion Pegasus meant nothing to me. :'''Valon''': Huh? :'''Mai''': There's only one person out there I need to take apart, and that chump is Joey Wheeler. :''[flashback ends]'' :'''Valon''': Mai can’t stand the sight of you. And neither can I, mate. So I plan to take you down for her. Once you’re out of the picture, she can move on to bigger and much better things. Like teaming up with me and leaving behind her past once and for all! :'''Joey''': No way, Valon. Mai would never want to get rid of me after what we’ve been through. We’re friends! ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 1)#Keith's Machination|Joey and Mai inside the castle at Duelist Kingdom]]. flashback ends]'' Mai has nothing in common with you. So she may be a little rough around the edges and she can have an attitude every once in a while, but she’d never join up with a bunch of low-lives who have some crazy plan to take over the world. :'''Valon''': We’ll just see. :'''Joey''': Whatever you guys did to her… I’m gonna undo as soon if I’m gonna win this… so why do we moved on! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': I know Valon's around here somewhere and I have to stop this duel now. I better be too late 'cause I’m gonna make Wheeler pay for what he did to me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': Let's try this again. ''[typing the laptop]'' Come on... ''[groans]'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': Hey! Any luck in there, Rebecca? :'''Tea Gardner''': You've asked five times. She's working as fast as she can. :'''Duke Devlin''': Aren't ''you'' the one who told us to have faith? :'''Tristan Taylor''': Why don't ''you'' get off my back, Duke! Joey's in trouble, and it we don't move fast things could get even worse! :'''Tea Gardner''': Take it easy, Tristan. :'''Tristan Taylor''': I can't, Tea! Don't you guys see that this whole thing is my ''fault''!? :'''Yami Yugi''': No, Tristan. :'''Tristan Taylor''': When Joey and I got [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#On_the_Wrong_Track|separated from you guys]], ''he'' told me about his plan, and I should have talked to him out of it then. :''[Flashes back to Joey and Tristan carry Rex Raptor on the railway tracks to find Tea and the Pharaoh, but Joey long face.]'' :'''Joey Wheeler''': I just figured it all out. :'''Tristan Taylor''': Figured what out? What are you talking about, Joey? :'''Joey Wheeler''': Why [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|Mai teamed up with those low-lives]]. It's 'cause I was a terrible friend. I let her down. :'''Tristan Taylor''': That's crazy. :'''Joey Wheeler''': But it's true. If Dartz maybe the one that brainwashed her. But I'm the one that drove her away in the first place. Now I gotta go and set things straight by finding these guys and breaking that spell! :'''Tristan Taylor''': But how? ''[confused]'' Aw, man. :''[cuts back to the present]'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': What was I thinking?! How could I let him do this?! :'''Tea Gardner''': Joey's got a mind of his own, Tristan. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' ''Let's just hope he's using with his legendary dragon the Claw of Hermos.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': My move! ''[draws the card]'' Look out! Now we’re taking. Let’s see stand up to this guy! ''[holds up the "Claw of Hermos" card]'' :''[To Be Continued…]'': ====Part 3==== :'''Tristan''': I can't wait around anymore! ''[grunting]'' Joey needs our help and ''he'' needs it now! :'''Téa''': Tristan, you must chill. :'''Duke''': Téa's right, Tristan. Without Kaiba's tracking system we have no hope of finding him. :'''Tristan''': Am I the only one here who understands what's going on? Joey may be losing his soul as we speak. Let's go! :'''Téa''': I didn't think of it like that. Maybe we should go. :'''Yami Yugi''': Not yet. We have to have faith that Rebecca can find him. Until then I know Joey can take care of himself. He's been in tough situations before. :'''Téa''': Not this tough. :'''Rebecca''': Hey, I did it! I finally found Joey. If this read out's right, Joey's not far, guys. :'''Yami Yugi''': All right, I'll takes this and track him down. You move the trailer to a safer place. :'''Tea''': Not so fast Pharaoh. ''[Pharaoh stops and looks at Tea and Tristan]'' You're not going alone. :'''Tristan''': That's right. We're all this together. :'''Yami Yugi''': I guess You've made up your minds. ''[smile]'' Thank you. Now let's go. :'''Rebecca''': Ahem. :'''Yami Yugi''': Rebecca, You stay here. Duke, can you keep an eye on them until we get back. :'''Duke''': You got it. :'''Rebecca''': No, I want to go, too. Come on, Grandpa. :'''Arthur''': Uh-uh We've got our own work to do. We need your talents back here. :''[Rebecca sighs]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Rebecca, as soon as Joey safe, we'll find Yugi. :'''Rebecca''': Promise me he's all right. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi's going to be just fine. I promise. Please, trust me. :'''Duke''': Come on, man, you don't have a second to lose, so go kick some butt and take names. :'''Yami Yugi''': Well, that's one way to put it. :'''Tristan''': Let's chit-chat later, OK. :'''Rebecca''': Good luck with everything. :'''Yami Yugi''': You, too. :'''Arthur''': If you need us, just call. :'''Yami Yugi''': Right. :''[They ran off together to find Joey]'' :'''Arthur''': Don't worry, Rebecca. ''[Rebecca looks at her grandfather]'' Yugi will be back here safe and sound in no time at all. :'''Rebecca''': But how do you know? :'''Arthur''': Because I believe in the Pharaoh, and you should too. :'''Rebecca''': Fine. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': ''[thinking]'' You're mine, Wheeler. <hr width="50%"/> :''[When Mai showed up and found Valon in the duel with Joey]'' :'''Valon''': Hey, Mai! You're just in time to catch the end of the greatest duel ever played. :'''Mai''': ''[takes off her helmet]'' You and I had a deal, remember!? Joey Wheeler's mine! ''[Orichalcos blocks her]'' Ah! :'''Joey''': Mai, no! :'''Mai''': Look, you've done enough, so why don't you take a hike and let me finish this!? :'''Valon''': Sorry, no can do. :'''Mai''': Huh? :'''Valon''': I'm having way too much fun out here to stop now. Plus this duel is no place for you. :'''Mai''': Why's that? :'''Valon''': There's too much at stake. I won't let you risk losing everything you have. That's why I challenged Joey Wheeler in the first place to protect you. I wanted to get rid of him so you'd be able to move on with your life, and that's exactly what I'm gonna do. :'''Joey''': Guess what, Mai. I'm fighting for same reason. :'''Valon''': Then let's get on with it! Shall we? I can't wait to see what you play next. :'''Joey''': You're gonna have to wait, Valon, 'cause I play one card face down and end my turn. :'''Valon''': Big mistake, pal. ====Part 4==== :''[Joey and Valon were engaged in an armored standoff in the middle of the Oricalchos field]'' :'''Joey''': It's time to activate Big Bang Dragon Blow's special effect! ''[Joey tributes Red-Eyes Black Dragon to make Big Bang Dragon Blow supercharged]'' By sacrificing my Red-Eyes, I made my armored fist even more powerful! Now it's able to destroy all your monsters and subtract their strength from your Life Points! ''[Big Bang Dragon Blow builds up pressure against Valon and Joey sends Valon flying away from the center and destroying his Armor monsters]'' :'''Valon''': ''[skids to a halt]'' You did it. You won. ''[panting and making his Life Points drop to 0]'' Congratulations. Goodbye. :'''Mai''': ''[gasps]'' It's my fault. :'''Valon''': Don't be silly, Mai. I caused my own downfall. I thought if I won I could make you forget about Joey Wheeler. But now I understand why he meant so much to you. The guy's got heart. :'''Mai''': Valon, wait. :'''Valon''': Hey Joey, It's up to you now, Saved Mai. :'''Mai''': Valon! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Great Leviathan... I sense the arrival of powerful soul. Let's see who, shall we? ''[spots at Valon in stone]'' Well... look what the orichalcos dragged in. My former employee. Now it's Miss Valentine's turn to send me a soul... or to give up her own. ''[evily laughter]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mai hold Valon's lifeless body, her eyes full of tears]'' :'''Mai''': Valon. Come back... Valon. :'''Joey''': It's too late. The Orichalcos has him now. ''[Mai remembers to flashbacks to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Deck of Armor|what Valon said]] flashback ends]'' Hey, Mai... We'll get him back. :'''Mai''': How could he do this? Valon's the one who told me you have to duel for yourself. Then he turns around and fights you to protect me? How pathetic. Hmm. He deserved this. :'''Joey''': What? Look, Mai, Valon realized what ''he'' told ''you'' was wrong. ''He'' found out what dueling is really about determination and heart. :'''Mai''': Hmm. :'''Joey''': He fought like a true duelist today. :'''Mai''': I thought you wanted to destroy him. :'''Joey''': Hold on, Mai, Valon may have annoyed me... but no one deserves to have their soul taken away and then held captive by some power-hungry psychopath! I don't care who they are! :'''Mai''': Ha. :'''Joey''': You know what, Mai... ''I'' realize something now. As long as that Orichalcos thing has control over your mind, I'll never be able to talk any sense into you! As a matter of fact, the only way I can save you at this point is to duel ''you!'' So, what do you say!? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': I see. So you beat this loser and now it's gone to your head? :'''Joey''': It isn't like that, Mai. :'''Mai''': Why else would you be dumb enough to challenge me a duel? You should have learned your lesson from our last match. :'''Joey''': The only way I can get through to you… is by dueling you! :'''Mai''': If you say so. ''[activates her chaos duel disk]'' :'''Mai and Joey''': Let's duel! ''[their life points to 4000]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': Finally, you're giving me a ''real'' challenge… but you're gonna have to do better than that! 'Cause before my Aero Nail goes to the graveyard, it's transferring its power to my other Harpie! :'''Joey''': Fine! I place one card facedown! Give me your best shot! :'''Mai''': You're pretty confident for someone who's about to lose! Now, stand back! My move! I drew it. :'''Joey''': Oh, no! :'''Mai''': Yup! The Seal of Orichalcos! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': We're both locked in the Seal and only ''one'' of us will escape! No one can come to your rescue now. It's just you, me, and the most powerful magic card that's ever been created! :'''Joey''': I know. I was expecting this. ====Part 5==== :'''Téa''': We gotta find him! :'''Tristan''': Joey! Where are you, man?! :'''Téa''': Hey are you down there?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Joey! Answer us?! :'''Téa''': Hello?! :'''Tristan''': I could swear that Orichalcos thing activated right here. :'''Téa''': Me, too. So why isn't it here now? Unless we're too late! :'''Tristan''': Don't say that, Téa! :'''Yami Yugi''': Hang in there, Joey! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Congratulations. You win. :''[Collapses from exhaustion]'' :'''Mai''': Joey, no! You're wrong. I never attacked so you didn't lose the duel. :'''Joey''': But, I'm too exhausted... to finish. :'''Mai''': I won't let the Orichalcos take you away, Joey. :'''Joey''': It's too late for that. I already lost the duel, so there's no turnin' back. I'm just glad that if one of us had to lose our soul, it didn't have to be you, Mai. :'''Mai''': Don't say that. :'''Joey''': Hey, Mai, that was one of the greatest duels I ever fought. Thank you. :''[His spirit is taken by the Seal, leaving Mai horrified]'' :'''Mai''': Joey! NO! :''[The fragment of the Orchicalcos on her [[w: choker |choker]] shatters]'' :'''Dartz''': She's been set free! ''[spots at Joey Wheeler in stone]'' Ah! But what's this? It seems miss Valentine has served her purpose. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mai hold Joey's lifeless body, her eyes full of tears]'' :'''Mai''': Joey, wait! SNAP OUT OF IT! This is all my fault! I was angry and confused, and I blamed all my loneliness on you! So I tried to get rid of you. How could I be so selfish? You're the only one who ever cared about me. ''[sobbing]'' You're the closest friend I ever had, and how did I repay you? By leaving you for a madman who promised me power. ''[grabs the Claw of Hermos card]'' I'll make him regret the day he ever met Mai Valentine! ''[she hops the motorcycle droves off back to Paradius leaving Joey behind next to Valon.]'' ''The only way to fix this is to meet Dartz face to face.'' :''[Mai arriving back to Paradius headquarters and looks up]'' :'''Mai''': Here goes nothing. :''[?]'' :'''Mai''': Hey Dartz! Is that you? :'''Rafael''': Guess again, Mai. :'''Mai''': Rafael! What do you want!? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Pharaoh, Tristan and Tea arrives and they found a soulless Joey.]'' :'''Tristan''': ''[shocked]'' No way! :'''Tea''': What happened? :'''Yami Yugi''': He lost the duel. :'''Tea''': Wait, Does that mean? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes his soul belongs to Dartz now. ===''Grappling with a Guardian'' [4.30-32]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Téa''': Joey, please say something? :'''Yami Yugi''': I don't think he can hear us. :'''Téa''': Then it's true. The Orichalcos took his soul. :'''Tristan''': When I get my hands on the person who did this to Joey, they're gonna wish they were never born! Wake up, man. :'''Téa''': Who did do this? ''[she looks at the soulless Valon]'' 'Cause by the looks of Valon, I have to say it wasn't him. So Tristan what's going on here? :'''Tristan''': Don't you see Tea? Joey must have defeated Valon and then Mai showed up. ''She'' did this to him. I'm sure of it! :'''Téa''': How could she? :'''Tristan''': Easily. She couldn't wait to get rid of Joey. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's true, Tristan, However, There's only one person we can really blame for all of this, and I think you know who I mean. He hides safely in his fortress while others do his dirty work. Well, not anymore. ''[rans off]'' :'''Téa''': Pharaoh, Wait! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' This all ends now, Dartz. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': ''[voice-over, evilly laughing]'' We've been expecting you, Pharaoh. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Pharaoh looks at soulless Mai in the elevator]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[gasps]'' Mai? Mai, say something. She must have been in a duel, and it appears she lost both the duel and her soul belongs to Dartz now. I must put an end to this. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': Well, It's about time you showed up for our rematch. :'''Yami Yugi''': This doesn't concern you, Rafael. I'm here to see Dartz. Is your master so much of a coward that he sent you to do his battles for him? :'''Rafael''': Not quite. You owe me something. But first. ''[holds a card and he catches the card to the Pharaoh]'' Why don't you take this? :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[spots the Claw of Hermos card]'' It's the Claw of Hermos. Joey's card. So you're the one who defeated Joey, aren't you? :'''Rafael''': Actually, Mai beat Joey, then ''I'' defeated her. :'''Yami Yugi''': But why? Wasn't Mai on ''your'' side? :'''Rafael''': I never trusted her, and turns out I was right all along. ''[Flashback to his and Mai's duel inside Paradius; voice-over]'' After she took [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fighting for a Friend|Joey's soul]], ''she'' turned on us. :'''Mai''': I've had it with your ridiculous world domination mumbo jumbo and I want out! It's time for Dartz to answer for what ''he'' made ''me'' do to Joey. Let's see how ''he'' likes it when the orichalcos captures ''him!'' :'''Rafael''': You sure you don't wanna take that back? Dartz isn't exactly known for his sense of humor. :'''Mai''': So? :'''Rafael''': Then you leave me no ''choice.'' It's my duty to protect him, so goodbye to ''your'' soul. ''[activates his chaos duel disk and Mai activates her chaos duel disk, voice-over]'' Biggest mistake ''she'' ever made. :''[Rafael defeats Mai and she screaming as the orichalcos claims her soul away.]'' :'''Mai''': Joey! I'm sorry, I tried my best. ''[collapses and drops the Claw of Hermos card.]'' :'''Rafael''': ''[voice-over]'' Unfortunately, her best wasn't good enough. :''[the flashback ends]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': This madness has to stop. Just think of how many innocent lives have been destroyed. You may be next. :'''Rafael''': Do you think I really care? I made a commitment to help Master Dartz save the planet from crumbling at the hands of people like you, and if keeping my promise means giving up my own soul, well, then so be it, 'cause even if I'm captured, I'll be doing my part by giving the Great Leviathan the strength it needs to restore peace to the world once again. :'''Yami Yugi''': Wake up, Rafael! Can't you see that your so-called Master Dartz is just using you to satisfy his own selfish needs? If you really what to save the world, then stop fighting me and join ''my'' side. :'''Rafael''': As soon as the great beast is revived, I'm afraid your side will no longer exist, Pharaoh, and all it needs to get started is one more strong soul. :'''Yami Yugi''': Oh no. It's true. :'''Rafael''': You better believe it. as we speak, the Great Leviathan lurks in the shadows all over the earth. And as soon as I defeat you, your life energy will be offered to the beast, giving it the strength it needs to fully cross over into our world. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Tristan and Tea running the streets Tristan carried Joey]'' :'''Tristan''': Why did the Pharaoh take off liked that? :'''Téa''': He must've gone after Dartz for what happened to Yugi. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': As we speak, the most devastating creature that ever lived is waiting to rise again. All it needs now is your soul, and the Sacred Seal of Orichalcos will take care of that once I take you down. Of course, ''I'' already defeated you once, but somehow ''you'' were able to cheat me by switching places with ''someone'' else. ''[Flashes back to [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Fate_of_the_Pharaoh|their last duel as the Seal took Yugi]].]'' Don't even think about trying to pull a stunt like that gain, Pharaoh. I don't appreciate being lied to, and besides, there's no one for you to hide behind this time, 'cause now it's just you and me. The winner leaves a free man. The loser becomes a prisoner to the beast! :'''Yami Yugi''': You're on! If that's what it takes to set my friends free, then let's duel! And once you're out of my way, I can go straight for Dartz! It's just a shame that a duelist with your talents has to throw it all away by following a madman. :'''Rafael''': Look, Master Dartz opened me up the truth and made me who I am today. You're just jealous because you don't have one of these, right? ''[holds up the Seal of Orichalcos card]'' Well, not anymore, anyway. :'''Yami Yugi''': You can't tempt ''me'' with that again, Rafael. :'''Rafael''': I wasn't planning on it, but you can have one last look at it while you shuffle my deck… for old time's sake. :'''Yami Yugi''': I know what you're trying to do, and it won't work. I won't give in to my dark side! :'''Rafael''': We'll see about that. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' I must stay true to my heart, no matter what he tries to do. :''[The two shuffle their decks]'' :'''Rafael''': May the best man win...and when I do, you'll be gone forever. I'm gonna enjoy this. :'''Pharaoh and Rafael''': Time to Duel! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' I'm surprised he didn't play the Seal of Orichalcos right away. Perhaps he's toying with me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': Now I play Butterfly Dagger. This weapon gives my Backup Gardna 300 extra attack points. It also allows me to summon my Guardian Elma. :'''Yami Yugi''': I've never seen that Guardian monster. :'''Rafael''': There are plenty of monsters in my deck you've never seen, and this one lets me bring my Guardian Shield back from the graveyard. And I'll give it to Guardian Elma. Plus, my Backup Gardna's special ability transfers my Butterfly Dagger to Guardian Elma. Now, Guardian Elma… attack his Queen's Knight! Guardian Grarl, it's your turn now! Attack his King's Knight with Gravity Axe! What now, Pharaoh? What puny knight stands between me and your Life Points? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' He gave up his own strength to save his monster! ''[speaking]'' I'll place two cards face down and end my turn. ''[thinking]'' I've never come across a duelist like him before. He refuses to let any of his monsters go to the card graveyard. He protects them at all costs! Why would a duelist like this hold a card like the Seal of Orichalcos? ''[speaking]'' Rafael, don't you understand what's going on here? As long as you're loyal to Dartz, you'll never be true to yourself. You have too much respect for your cards to use them for such an evil purpose. But Dartz has brainwashed you into believing you're someone else! :'''Rafael''': The only thing Master Dartz did was open my eyes to the truth. :'''Yami Yugi''': You're ''wrong!'' :'''Rafael''': This world is an evil place, and ''you're'' part of the problem. So I'm here to fix that. And thanks to my master, I have just the tool to do it. Now, I play the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Yami Yugi''': NO, RAFAEL! PLEASE, DON'T! :'''Rafael''': Sorry, Pharaoh, it's too late for that now. Your fate is sealed! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Téa''': Hey look guys. It's Mai. :'''Mokuba''': ''[looks at soulless Mai]'' Oh, man. Don't tell me you guys she lost her soul too. :'''Tristan''': I don't mean to sound insensitive, but who's carrying her? :'''Yami Yugi''': You're making a mistake! RAFAEL! NO! ====Part 2==== :'''Rafael''': This time the Seal belongs to me! :'''Yami Yugi''': What were you thinking, Rafael? Now one of us is going to lose his soul. :'''Rafael''': That's the whole point, Pharaoh. The Great Leviathan needs power, and once I take you down and capture your soul, that legendary creature will have the strength it needs to awaken. :'''Yami Yugi''': We'll see. :'''Tristan''': That's the same guy who beat Yugi last time! :'''Seto Kaiba''': ''[shocked]'' What?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': It's time to bring out my ultimate monster, but first I'll play this card, Celestial Sword - Eatos! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' The Sword of Eatos? This can only mean one thing: he's about to summon Guardian Eatos! :'''Rafael''': Now I'll draw two cards. The time has come to play the card that beat you last time. It's my Guardian Eatos! :'''Yami Yugi''': I have to act quickly! With 500 Life Points left, I don't have much time! ''[Guardian Eatos soon becomes infected by the darkness of the Orichalcos]'' Look what you've done to your Guardian! It's been consumed by darkness! :'''Rafael''': Exactly, and it's more powerful than ever now. Nothing can stop it. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Guardian Eatos tries to destroy Yugi's Dark Magician with her Celestial Sword and it breaks, cutting her attack points back to 3000]'' :'''Rafael''': ''[shocked]'' Say what?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Allow me to clear things up for you. A few moments ago, I sent three monsters to my graveyard, one of which saved me. That card was this, my Electromagnetic Turtle! When this monster was destroyed, it created an electromagnetic barrier, shielding my magician from your attack. :'''Rafael''': No way. He had that planned all along! :'''Tristan''': In your face, meathead! :'''Rafael''': ''[thinking]'' The Pharaoh's gonna pay for mocking the power of my Guardian Eatos. ''[speaking]'' I END MY TURN! :'''Yami Yugi''': Perhaps you should've thought twice before you poisoned your own monsters with the dark powers of the Orichalcos. Take it from someone with experience. Betraying your monsters only backfires in the end. :'''Rafael''': You played the Seal of Orichalcos once and all of a sudden you're an expert of the subject? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': You can't win a duel with defense, Pharaoh. All you're doing is stalling for time. Well, I'm afraid your time's just run out. Eatos, destroy his most valuable monster, the Dark Magician! :'''Tristan''': Oh, no! :'''Téa''': Pharaoh! :'''Mokuba''': Do something! :'''Yami Yugi''': Magical Hats, activate! Hide my monsters! :'''Rafael''': What's going on?! :'''Tristan''': Awesome! Magical Hats shuffled Yugi's monsters so Blondie blasted the wrong one. :'''Mokuba''': That's true, but he gets to attack again, so Yugi's magician's still in danger! :'''Yami Yugi''': All right, one of these three remaining hats is concealing my monster, so go ahead! Hit me with your best shot! :'''Rafael''': ''[thinking]'' Three hats and one monster. I know what I have to do. I'll use Elma to improve my odds, then I'll send Grarl to finish things off. ''[speaking]'' Go, Elma! Find his Dark Magician! ''[Guardian Elma strikes her butterfly dagger at the second hat]'' Now I have a 50-50 shot. Guardian Grarl, attack! :''[Guardian Grarl punches the third hat with his fist, Dark Magician appears from the last hat]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Wrong hat! :'''Rafael''': Oh, no! :'''Yami Yugi''': What a shame. Looks like you used up all of your chances. :'''Rafael''': ''[thinking]'' How could I have messed that up?! I was about to win the duel and capture the Pharaoh! ''[speaking]'' My turn's not over yet! I activate my Rod of Silence! This lets me play another Guardian monster, my all-powerful Guardian Kay'est! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After the Pharaoh destroys Guardian Eatos with his Amulet Dragon, Guardian Dreadscythe appears on the field]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[horrified shock]'' What's that?! :'''Téa''': ''[terrified]'' I've got one word: nasty! :'''Tristan''': Here's four: I'm gonna be sick. :'''Yami Yugi''': For the last time, what is that thing?! :'''Rafael''': I told you-- when Eatos goes to the graveyard, '''''this''''' monster is summoned to the field in its place. So say hello to my Guardian Dreadsycthe! :'''Yami Yugi''': Hello and goodbye. It's no match for my dragon! :'''Rafael''': It will be. First, I'll boost its strength with my Reaper Scythe magic card. Now, for the best part, thanks to its new weapon, my Guardian of darkness gains 500 attack points for every monster in my graveyard. :'''Yami Yugi''': But why? I thought you despised having monsters in your graveyard! :'''Rafael''': But I despise ''you'' even more, so what's a few monsters in the grave if it means destroying you forever? And with only 500 Life Points left, you won't last long. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': I know first-hand what the Oricalchos does to a person's heart and I can help you. Think, when Earls was destroyed, you released your anger on your other monsters. You left the Oricalchos feed on your rage like I did. :'''Rafael''': So? What's your point? :'''Yami Yugi''': That this isn't who you really are. The darkness within you has taken control, and now you must face that darkness head on. It's the only way for you to save yourself. :'''Rafael''': ''You'' need to be saved. :'''Yami Yugi''': If you don't believe my words, then maybe this will convince you! :'''Rafael''': What are you holding? :'''Yami Yugi''': A card that forces you to take a closer look at yourself-- Underworld Circle! :'''Rafael''': What on earth does that do? :'''Yami Yugi''': BEHOLD! It's time to take some responsibility for what you've done, Rafael! Underworld Circle, activate! ====Part 3==== :'''Yami Yugi''': First, I'll use the magic of Underworld Circle to bring my Big Shield Gardna back from the graveyard! Then, I'll activate my Pot of Greed! This let me draw two cards. ''[thinking]'' Excellent. That's just the card I've been waiting for! ''[speaking]'' Time to face what you did… when you betrayed your heart! For now, I activate the magic card, Spider Web, which let me use a card from your graveyard! :'''Rafael''': What's the point of all this? :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm using my Spider Web to bring back your Monster Reborn card. And I'm planning on using it to save you by setting you free from the darkness! :'''Rafael''': Yeah, whatever. :'''Yami Yugi''': I use Monster Reborn to revive a creature that once saved your life and that you in turn, deserted! ''[resurects Guardian Eatos]'' :'''Rafael''': Eatos?! :'''Téa''': What's he gonna do with that card? :'''Mokuba''': Hopefully win. :'''Yami Yugi''': One more thing. ''[thinking]'' Joey… I can only accomplish this with your help. ''[speaking]'' I summon The Claw of Hermos! :'''Tristan''': Hey, Joey! Check it out, man! He just summoned your boy! :'''Yami Yugi''': And now, Hermos and Queen's Knight, combine together to form Goddess Bow! That doubles the attack points of Guardian Eatos! And since Eatos has been removed from your graveyard, your Dreadscythe gets weaker! :'''Rafael''': What are you up to? Our monsters are even now. So if you attack, they're both destroyed. But mine comes back! :'''Yami Yugi''': We'll see about that! I have a few more surprises planned! Eatos attack his Dreadscythe, NOW! I activate the special ability of my Goddess Bow! Now every time your Dreadscythe revives itself, Eatos can attack again! :'''Rafael''': No! :'''Yami Yugi''': And don't forget, with each attack, you lose another card! :'''Mokuba''': Of course! If Rafael runs out of cards, his monster can't come back! :'''Yami Yugi''': The dark flame of your Dreadscythe is now extinguished. ===''A Duel with Dartz'' [4.33-38]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Rafael''': Go! Hurry! Stop him! Stop Dartz! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Yes come home my children. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': Dude, what's with all these people chiseled in stone? :'''Téa''': They're just any people! Take a look! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[spots at Yugi, Joey, Mai, Pegasus, Weevil, Rex, Alister, Valon and all many people in stone]'' Oh, no! There's Mai and Weevil! :'''Tristan''': This must be everyone who lost their soul! :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi! :'''Dartz''': ''[voice-over]'' What a touching reunion. Too bad your friends turned out to be a bunch of stiffs. ''[laughing evilly and reveals himself from fire]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Dartz! :'''Dartz''': You were expecting someone else? Well, due to the carelessness of my employees, ''I'm'' the only one left. You can't find good help these days. :'''Kaiba''': Look, I want my company back, so can the small talk! :'''Dartz''': Is that so? Well, guess what? We all want something. As for me, I want your souls for my wall. I even have the spot picked out. :'''Kaiba''': Save it, Dartz! It'll take a lot more than a few party tricks to scare me! :'''Yami Yugi''': Now, for the last time, release our friends! :'''Dartz''': That's not possible. :'''Yami Yugi''': What do you mean? :'''Dartz''': I mean they've already been put to use. As we speak, their life energy supplies to the most devastating creature that ever lived. :'''Téa''': Oh, great. Now, what? :'''Dartz''': My 10,000 year old collection is almost complete. Once I get you two, the beast can rise. :'''Yami Yugi''': Hold on! You've been collecting souls for all those years?! Do you know how many lives you've destroyed?! :'''Dartz''': ''[snickers evilly]'' Millions! And each one of them deserved their fate! Take a moment to look around, won't you? Some of my favorite conquests are in this very room. And since it's taken me millennia to complete, it's quite the history lesson. :'''Tea''': He's right. Look at the outfits on these guys. :'''Mokuba''': So some of these people lived in the past? :'''Dartz''': Now you're catching on. Ever since the Great Leviathan was laid to rest, I've been gathering the energy necessary to fuel its rebirth. :'''Kaiba''': Come on, you expect us to believe that junk? :'''Dartz''': Ye of little faith. Just duel me and I promise I'll make a believer out of you, For when you lose, there will be no denying my power. :'''Kaiba''': Then let's stop talking and start dueling. :'''Yami Yugi''': You can't, Kaiba-- not alone. This lunatic is far too dangerous. :'''Dartz''': So why don't you join him? And when I defeat you, I'll get two souls for the price of one! :'''Yami Yugi''': All right. Ready, Kaiba? :'''Kaiba''': I'm way ahead of you. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Meanwhile… Rafael puts a soulless Valon on the back of the jeep along a soulless Mai on front seat]'' :'''Rafael''': Don't worry, I'll save you both. Mark my words, Dartz is gonna pay. <hr width="50%"/> :''[After the Pharaoh and Kaiba summon Blue-Eyes White Dragon and Black Luster Soldier, both monsters with 3000 attack points]'' :'''Mokuba''': All right! Dartz better watch out! They just summoned two major league monsters on their first turn! :'''Dartz''': Those pathetic creatures may work in your little card tournaments, but I'm afraid ''I'' play a completely different game-- a game in which the winner takes ALL, and the loser pays the ultimate price! This card was born from the darkness itself! ''[echoes]'' Behold, a power that has existed since the dawn of time. The very power that shall strip you of your souls! ''[plays the Seal of Orichalcos]'' :'''Kaiba''': Oh, no! :'''Yami Yugi''': The Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Mokuba''': Whoa. Do you feel that? :'''Tristan''': If you mean the sudden drop in temperature and that freaky evil vibe in the air, then yes, I do. :'''Téa''': ''[worried]'' Me too. :'''Dartz''': Now that I've set the tone for this duel, allow me to continue. Watch this… Arise, Orichalcos Gigas! :'''Yami Yugi''': I faced this beast before, and it was almost impossible to destroy, Kaiba. :'''Kaiba''': That's 'cause last time you didn't have me to bail you out. :'''Dartz''': Next, I'll sacrifice 500 of my Life Points. That let's me summon my Orichalcos Kyutora. And, thanks to the Seal, it gets an additional 500 points. All right. I guess that'll do for now. ====Part 2==== :''[Dartz, Yami Yugi, and Kaiba hovering above the city of Atlantis]'' :'''Dartz''': Behold, the lost city of Atlantis and all its glory. Just as it was 10,000 years ago, a perfect civilization or so I thought. Surrounded by oceans as far as the eye could see, we were isolated from the rest of the world. :''[A scene depicts the once glorious city of Atlantis and all of Earth's creatures]'' :'''Dartz''': Our lives were simple, we existed side by side with all of Earth's creatures and we knew nothing of violence. But, then that changed. :''[a meteor shower rains upon Atlantis]'' :'''Dartz''': Darkness ascended upon us and a strange substance rained down from the heavens. A substance that will change our lives. :'''Yami Yugi''': The Orichalcos. :'''Kaiba''': Please tell me that story time is over, I'd like to duel. :'''Dartz''': The tale of my past directly affects the fate of your future. So if I were you, I pay close attention. :''[it seems the city of Atlantis had changed]'' :'''Dartz''': Now thanks to the stones of the Orichalcos, the people of Atlantis needed advancement in technology that were never before imagine. And soon, I ruled over the most highly developed civilization the world had ever known. However, with progress comes greed and eventually violence, I knew what had to be done. But, my father, former king Ironheart had different ideas. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[shocked]'' Ironheart was your father?! But how? :'''Kaiba''': If you ask questions, this ridiculous story is never going to end. :'''Dartz''': That old fool never had what took to be king and on my 21st birthday, he allowed me to take over and filled his unimpressive shoes. So as technology continued to advance and the hearts of my people continued to seek deeper into the darkness. It was up to me to remedy the situation, the citizens of Atlantis were growing more and more selfish. And if I didn't act soon, I would lose complete control, but even I couldn't have imagine what would happen next. :''[The Orichalcos began to show the true nature of the Atlanteans]'' :'''Dartz''': The Orichalcos began to test us, it revealed the truth about who we were. :''[The people of Atlantis are beginning to turn into monsters]'' :'''Dartz''': Those who were wicked on the inside became wicked on the outside. :''[Meanwhile, Iona is struggling]'' :'''Dartz''': Iona, are you all right? :'''Dartz''': Wait, come back! What's going on?! :''[Dartz soon finds out that his beloved wife also turned into a monster]'' :'''Dartz''': Iona! :'''Dartz''': I didn't realize it first, but the true colors of my people were revealed to me that day. :'''Dartz''': But why? Why is this happening? :''[a bright green light appears in the water fountain]'' :'''Dartz''': I couldn't understand how a society as perfect as ours could crumble like this. :''[He picks up an Orichalcos stone]'' :'''Dartz''': But soon the Orichalcos would answer all my questions. The people of Atlantis were evil and I have been chosen to wipe them out and start over again. But I couldn't accomplish such a task on my own, I was but one man so the Orichalcos gave me a gift, something powerful enough to lead my fight against mankind. For deep below the Earth's surface lives the most incredible creature ever lived, the Great Leviathan! And it was mine, and shortly that this great beast will return to finish what it began! :'''Dartz''': I was ready to begin my task of recreating civilization on Earth, but one person stood in my way. :''[A scene where Ironheart, Chris, and Skye are in the throne room]'' :'''Ironheart''': My son, you know what you have to do. Destroy those Orichalcos stones so we can return the light we once knew. :''[Dartz sitting on his throne with a gold eye]'' :'''Dartz''': ''[laughs]'' Do you honestly believe that we can go back to the way things were. It's too late for that, Father. :'''Ironheart''': But, Dartz... :'''Dartz''': The true nature of our people have been exposed. We now know that the citizens of this planet are evil and must be destroy! :'''Ironheart''': What?! :'''Dartz''': You heard me, old man! We should be thanking the Orichalcos for showing us the truth. Not blaming it for the faults of mankind, but this mysterious substance that rained down above us had open up my eyes. Not only has it showed me what's wrong, it's given me the tools to fix it. For now I have the power to awaken a mighty creature known as the Great Leviathan! And by the power of the Orichalcos, this beast will rise up from the depths of the earth and fight by my side! And when I'm through, I shall rebuild civilization! :''[The stones have summoned an army of Orichalcos soldiers]'' :'''Ironheart''': Dartz! What's going on?! :''[Dartz laughs evilly]'' :'''Dartz''': Meet my Orichalcos soldiers! :'''Chris''': ''[scared]'' Grandpa, I'm scared! :'''Dartz''': If you join my side, you have nothing to fear. If not, farewell. :'''Ironheart''': We'll never join you! Never! Let's go, Chris! :''[They escape from the throne room]'' :'''Dartz''': Have it your way. :''[Dartz appears on his balcony and addresses his army]'' :'''Dartz''': The time has come to cleanse the world of its impurities! So arise my children and conquer the people of Earth! And this planet shall be yours! :''[Meanwhile Ironheart, Chris, and Skye are walking from their city and they enter a cave]'' :'''Chris''': What are we going to do, Grandpa? :'''Ironheart''': Your father is under the control of an evil force and he must be stopped. The future of our planet depends on it. Through there, hurry! :''[Chris and Skye suddenly runs through an carving of monsters on the walls]'' :'''Chris''': What's there? Why are those monsters carved in stone? :'''Ironheart''': We've come here to ask for their help. :''[The scene depicts the battle of Atlantis between Dartz's Orichalcos army and Ironheart's army of monsters]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': And so the Battle of Atlantis began! You see my father had opened up a gateway to the Dominion of the Beasts and he used the monsters within to form an army of his own. :'''Yami Yugi''': Tell me, what was the battle's outcome? :'''Dartz''': Neither side were victorious and Atlantis sunk to the bottom of the sea. My father's monster army were scattered around the world and sealed away until they be needed again. The Leviathan was drained of its power and also sealed away. It's taken me 10,000 years to gather the energy necessary to bring it back. All that's left of me to do is to defeat you two in this duel. Then your souls will awaken the Great Leviathan and my plan will finally come to pass. :'''Kaiba''': Hold on! We already defeated you! Our Master of Dragon Soldier should've wipe out the rest of your life points. :'''Dartz''': Perhaps it should have, but I'm afraid it didn't. Your pathetic attack failed short of its target. So this duel is still on. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Orichalcos Gigas, return! :'''Yami Yugi''': I told you, Kaiba. Each time his Gigas is destroyed, it comes back even stronger! :'''Dartz''': Face it, you'll never defeat me! The power of the Orichalcos will swallow you both! Now back to the duel. Since my Gigas returned to me, I can't draw a card. But no matter, everything I need is in my hand. So I'll enhance the power of the Seal with this-- the magic of Orichalcos Deuteros! ''[laughs evilly]'' :'''Kaiba''': What's going on?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Somehow he's made the Seal of Orichalcos stronger! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Dartz activates the Orichalcos Deuteros spell card, adding another layer to the Seal of Orichalcos]'' :'''Dartz''': Gentlemen, welcome to the second level of darkness! :'''Kaiba''': The what?! :'''Yami Yugi''': I don't know how. But Dartz just added another layer to the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Tea''': Right! So what does that mean? :'''Dartz''': The first benefit of my Orichalcos Deuteros, is the addition of 500 Life Points each turn for every monster I have on the field. Therefore, since I have two, that's 1,000 points! :'''Kaiba''': What?! How are we supposed to wipe him out?! :'''Dartz''': You're not. It makes me invincible! Next, I'll attack your Master of Dragon Soldier! Go, my Orichalcos Gigas! :'''Yami Yugi''': Nice try! But my dragon's too strong! :'''Dartz''': Kyutora, absorb ''all'' the damage! ''[chuckles]'' My Life Points are safe. And now, my Gigas returns! :'''Tristan''': That creep! He's letting his Orichalcos Gigas get its butt kicked on purpose, so it can come back stronger! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' That can't be it. His monster would have to be destroyed seven more times before it could defeat my dragon. So there must be more to his plan. Perhaps the secret lies in his Kyutora, and its ability to absorb attack damage. Yes! That creature must have another special ability! :'''Kaiba''': All right, Dartz, my move! ''[thinking]'' As long as that eyesore is on the field, it's pointless to attack his Orichalcos Gigas because Dartz won't lose any Life Points. Plus, Gigas will just come back stronger. But if I attack Dartz directly, I should be able to win the duel! ''[speaking]'' I place one card facedown on the field! And next… I summon my Blade Knight! And since I have only one card left in my hand, Blade Knight gets another 400 attack points! I think that'll do for now. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' He's setting himself up for something. :'''Kaiba''': ''[thinking]'' Yugi better not screw this up for me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kaiba''': Oh, no! That attack was supposed to hit Dartz, not his monster! :'''Yami Yugi''': It's a force field! But how did he create it? :'''Dartz''': By using the second layer of the Seal, of course. Whenever my Life Points are targeted, my Orichalcos Deuteros steps in to defend me. It's simple. ''I'' make a sacrifice so that your monster takes the hit! You know what that means, right? Your dragon just attacked itself! ====Part 3==== :'''Dartz''': So tell me, Gentlemen, what do you think of my newest soldiers? I'm sure there's no need for any introductions. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's not funny, Dartz. :'''Dartz''': Maybe not to you. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's enough. :'''Kaiba''': Just drop the magic act and let's duel. :'''Dartz''': But we are dueling, you insensible twit. We're just doing it by my rules, that's all. Since I now control the souls of your former friends, I thought it would be fun to let them play along with us. :'''Téa''': Leave them alone! :'''Tristan''': What did they do to you?! :'''Dartz''': You should be thanking me. :'''Yami Yugi''': And why's that? :'''Dartz''': I'm giving you one last chance to see your companions. Before their souls are gone forever. :'''Yami Yugi''': You'll never take them away from us, Dartz! :'''Dartz''': That's right, Pharaoh. Let your anger consume you. Feel the darkness within you beginning to spread. The stronger your rage, the more powerful the Great Leviathan will be when it absorbs your soul. Now where we? Ah, yes. Mirror Knight Yugi. It's time to attack your other half. :'''Yami Yugi''': No, Yugi! Fight it! I know you can hear me! :''[Yugi struggles to fight against Dartz's command]'' :'''Dartz''': What's this? My soldier is still loyal to you? How touching. [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Self_Destruction|Even though you turned your back on him, he refuses to seek revenge]]. That will soon change. :'''Yami Yugi''': We'll see. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Kaiba! :'''Kaiba''': Just save it! That second-rate chump has held me back for the last time! Different Dimension Dragon Attack! :'''Yami Yugi''': No! Don't do this! :'''Kaiba''': Too late! :''[Knight Yugi's shield disintegrates]'' :'''Kaiba''': No way! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': You don't look happy to see me, and after all we've been through. Where's the love? Don't answer that. I've heard enough lies from ''you''. The Pharaoh opened me up to the truth. :'''Dartz''': Really? :'''Rafael''': Yeah, really. Thanks to him, [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Grappling_with_a_Guardian|I was able to escape the seal of orichalcos with my soul still intact]] unlike them and everyone else you used. Now set them free before you end up on that wall. :'''Dartz''': Your soul may have been spared, but it sounds like the orichalcos took what was left of your brain. :'''Rafael''': What's that supposed to mean? :'''Dartz''': It means you're more gullible than ever. Do you honestly think the darkness that once controlled you is gone? :'''Rafael''': Yes. The Pharaoh set me free. :'''Dartz''': Did he... Hmm. Or did he just trick you the way you think I did? :'''Rafael''': Stop it! You're messing with my head. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Rafael, You mustn't listen to him. :'''Rafael''': Everything is your fault. ''You'' took ''me'' from my family. :'''Dartz''': I needed your anger, your thirst for revenge. :'''Rafael''': ''[enraged]'' '''YOU RUINED MY LIFE, YOU MONSTER!''' ====Part 4==== :'''Dartz''': It's time to reinforce the sacred Seal with its most powerful layer thus far! Behold the ancient magic of my Orichalcos Tritos! ''[adds a third layer to the Seal of Orichalcos]'' Welcome to level 3, gentlemen. :'''Yami Yugi''': How can the Seal possibly get any stronger?! :'''Dartz''': We're dealing with a force greater than the darkest shadows and older than time itself. Does that answer your question? :'''Mokuba''': Whoa! :'''Téa''': His Life Points are out of control! :'''Dartz''': Orichalcos Malevolence, use your special ability to switch Kaiba's dragon into attack mode! So I'm afraid this is goodbye. With an attack strength of only 1400, your dragon is far too weak to defend your Life Points. :'''Kaiba''': So that means… :'''Yami Yugi''': You lose! :'''Dartz''': Now my beast, bring Kaiba's soul to me! :'''Kaiba''': Wrong! I activate my Shrink card! :'''Dartz''': ''[chuckles and the third layer of the Seal destroys Kaiba's magic card]'' Is it beginning to sink in yet? When used properly, the Seal of Orichalcos is unmatched by any other card in the game! And due to its third layer, your magic and trap cards are useless against me! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Kyutora has ''another'' ability! Whenever it's destroyed, it '''''evolves!''''' :''[Orichalcos Kyutora is destroyed and Orichalcos Shunoros appears]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Oh, no! What's going on?! :'''Kaiba''': What is that?! :'''Dartz''': My little friend is all grown up, so playtime's over! Gentlemen, I'd like you meet Orichalcos Shunoros! :'''Kaiba''': Did you see what I see?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Unfortunately. :'''Téa''': See what? :'''Tristan''': That thing's got 20,000 points! :'''Dartz''': Don't look so surprised. ''You're'' the ones who created this unstoppable beast! You may have destroyed my previous monsters, but you unleashed something far worse! :'''Yami Yugi''': It can wipe us out in one strike! :'''Dartz''': You're absolutely right, but before I do that, I have some more bad news to share. Orichalcos Shunoros, activate your special ability! Release Orichalcos Dexia… and Orichalcos Aristeros! :'''Yami Yugi''': What's the meaning of this?! :'''Dartz''': Allow me to clear things up. Shunoros just released two more creatures. The first one is known as Dexia, and its attack strength is always 300 points higher than the monster it's battling, making it the perfect sword! And the second one is just as strong. It will intercept every one of your attacks and retaliate with a blast that's 300 points greater than the one you fired, making Orichalcos Aristeros the perfect shield! You'll never get past my triple threat! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' Not only is his monster more powerful than Kaiba's dragon… but with Dexia and Aristeros on the front line, our attacks won't even get through! :'''Dartz''': I activate the trap card, Martyr Curse! This forces one of your monsters to engage in a battle with one of my monsters. And as a nasty little side effect, it cancels out any special abilities your creature may have. And since I don't seem to have much of a choice, I'll target your Mirror Force Dragon! Without its reflecting power, your dragon's completely defenseless, which means you're about to be out one soul! Orichalcos Shunoros, remove Kaiba's Life Points so the Orichalcos can remove his spirit! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Kaiba's Wish of Final Effort trap card increases Yugi's Life Points and loses his soul when his Life Points dropped down to zero…]'' :'''Dartz''': Pharaoh, it looks like you're the soul survivor. :'''Yami Yugi''': You disgust me. :'''Dartz''': I'll tell you what. Since I already have what I need... You can keep the rest of him! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Don't worry, Pharaoh. Your friends are fine. I don't need weak souls. I just wanted to spend some quality time with you, one-on-one. Is that so wrong? :'''Yami Yugi''': That's enough! :'''Dartz''': But there's something I think you'll want to know. You and I met 5,000 years ago when you were king of Egypt. We may not have been officially introduced, but I was there watching you. :'''Yami Yugi''': Go on. :'''Dartz''': When the battle of Atlantis ended, I thought the Great Leviathan was gone forever. That is, until I met you. :'''Yami Yugi''': Hold on! What does that evil creature of yours have to do with me?! :'''Dartz''': I thought you'd never ask. Behold the Palace of the Pharaoh in year 3000 B.C.! Ring any bells? Hmm? ====Part 5==== :'''Joey''': Huh? I've had some weird dreams, but this one takes the cake. Wait, hold on. I remember being trapped in a duel, but... how did I end up floating around in here? :'''Yugi Muto''': ''[offscreen]'' Joey? Is that you? :'''Joey''': Yugi! Long time no see! :'''Yugi''': I'm glad you're all right! :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': Please, bubble boy, you call this "all right"? :'''Yugi and Joey''': Pegasus! :'''Pegasus''': If we don't escape soon, we never will! :'''Joey''': Hmm? Where exactly are we, anyway, Huh? ''[spots at Valon, Mai Valentine, Weevil Underwood, Rex Raptor, Alister, Rafael and Seto Kaiba]'' Wait! Everyone in here had their soul captured! This must be where the orichalcos spits you out after you lose a duel! Aah! Calm down. Maybe it is just a dream. Uh... :'''Yugi''': It's no dream. And take a look, Joey. Things are about to get worse! :'''Joey''': What's that!? :'''Pegasus''': Don't you pay attention? That's the Great Leviathan, and it's using human souls for power. :'''Joey''': It's doing what!? But I don't wanna be turned into soul food! :'''Yugi''': We can still get out of this mess if the Pharaoh defeats Dartz! :'''Joey''': Huh? But how see gonna do that? ''[looks at Seto Kaiba]'' Rich boy's with us now. That means.... The Pharaoh's facing Dartz alone out there! :'''Yugi''': Wrong. Kaiba may have been knocked outta the fight... But the Pharaoh's not alone, Joey. :'''Joey''': I'm afraid I don't follow, Yuge. :'''Yugi''': He's still got all of us. Sure, we're not right there next to him, but we've never let that stop us before. :'''Joey''': Yeah, but I don't know if that's gonna work this time, 'Cause Dartz is playin' by a whole new set a rules. and nothing can take down that orichalcos card. :'''Pegasus''': There is one thing that can help. :'''Joey''': Huh? :'''Pegasus''': It's the card I gave him. And if the Pharaoh draws it, He'll be able to unleash a force like no other. :'''Joey''': In this card can beat Dartz? :'''Pegasus''': Yes. You see, it was during a trip to Egypt that I was inspired to create the game of duel monsters after making an astonishing discovery. Ancient kings and sorcerers once performed dark rituals to conjure real monsters. These creatures were believed to have lived in a universe parallel to ours, and guarding the gateway to this dominion of the beasts were three legendary dragons known as Timaeus, Critias, and Hermos. But you already know about them, right? :'''Joey''': Right. :'''Pegasus''': What you don't know is that these dragons aren't what they appear to be. They were buried with a dark secret. So I created a card that unlocks this mystery. :'''Yugi''': I don't get it. What's the secret? :'''Pegasus''': I spent many years scouring the globe trying to find an answer to that very question, Yugi boy. First I searched the microscopic world for the tiniest clues. then I scanned the vast reaches of the universe, and still nothing. Other than on stone tablet hidden deep beneath the sands of Egypt, there was no record of the existence of these dragons. Then it dawned on me. What if these dragons aren't dragons at all? What if they're humans! :'''Yugi''': Humans!? But how is that possible, Pegasus? and what does it have to do with that mystery card you gave to the Pharaoh? :'''Pegasus''': During the battle of Atlantis, Dartz transformed three brave knights into dragons in an effort to weaken them. Now the Pharaoh must restore them to their original form... Before we disappear forever! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': ''[shocked by the Pharaoh's Millennium Puzzle preventing the Orichalcos to take his soul]'' Impossible! No one can overcome the power of the Orichalcos! You should have lost the duel! What's going on?! Why didn't the Seal take your soul?! Tell me! :'''Yami Yugi''': You forced me to gaze inside my heart, thinking I would find only darkness. But you were wrong. :'''Dartz''': Then you gazed in the wrong place! :'''Yami Yugi''': Look, believe what you wish, but I know the truth. My heart is filled with the light of friendship, and no magic can take that away, no matter how strong it is. So, thank you. You reminded me that my friends are always with me. And we're going to win this fight and take you down together! Dartz… It all ends right now! ''[draws and gasps; thinking]'' It's the card Pegasus gave me! I can sense it! :'''Dartz''': Well? Get on with it. :'''Yami Yugi''': Do you know what's in my hand? The key to unlocking the secret of the legendary dragons! :'''Dartz''': ''[gasps]'' What?! :'''Yami Yugi''': You heard me. Legend of Heart! I give up 1,000 Life Points and remove my Obnoxious Celtic Guardian from the field! This lets me summon Critias, Hermos, and Timaeus in their true form! :'''Timaeus''': Finally! After 10 millennia in captivity, we've been set free! :'''Dartz''': No! Not them! :''[The three legendary knights appear in their true forms on Yugi's side of the field]'' :'''Timaeus''': I am he who is named Timaeus! :'''Critias''': And I am… Sir Critias! :'''Hermos''': I am known as… Sir Hermos! :'''Legendary Knights''': In the name of Atlantis… we have been reborn! :'''Dartz''': ''[shocked in disbelief]'' I thought I took care of you centuries ago! ''[The three knights slam their swords onto the ground and destroy the Seal of Orichalcos; horrified]'' What have you done?! My precious Seal is gone! :'''Hermos''': Your ring of darkness is useless in our presence! :'''Critias''': Did you forget our last encounter? :'''Timaeus''': I certainly did not. And I have a score to settle with you! :'''Yami Yugi''': The time has come to weaken your defense! ====Part 6==== <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': You lose, Dartz. Your 10,000 year quest is finally over. :'''Dartz''': It can't be. I've come too close. All I need is one more powerful soul and the Great Leviathan will arise from the depths of the earth. :'''Yami Yugi''': Too little, too late. Your serpent has been destroyed, and with that, our duel come to an end. Now release the souls of my friends and everyone else you've held captive. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Téa''': ''[in tears]'' It is you, Yugi! :'''Yugi''': Téa? :'''Téa''': I thought we'd never see you again! :'''Yugi''': It's good to see you, too. :'''Joey''': All right, Out of my way people. Where's my little buddy? Ha Ha! Yug! Man did I miss this spikey little head. :'''Yugi''': Hey, Joey! :'''Téa''': The gang is back! :'''Tristan''': Don't forget about me! <hr width="50%"/> ===''Rise of the Great Beast'' [4.39-40]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Dark Magician Girl''': Monsters, unite. Without us all hope is lost. We must join forces with the humans! And together we shall defeat the Great Beast. Now go! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': That Leviathan's a goner! It's 3 on 1 up there! :'''Kaiba''': I see you can count! Unfortunately, numbers aren't everything! :'''Yugi''': You can do this, Pharaoh! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': My Leviathan is fueled by the darkness of my prisoners! :'''The Pharaoh''': Wrong, Dartz! I was able to transform the darkness in their hearts to light! A light which now fuels MY beasts! :'''Dartz''': NO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, PHARAOH?!?! :'''Kaiba''': Hey, look! I guess the Gods did pull through! :'''Joey''': Told ya! That means everyone Dartz captured is free! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': I'm back. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi''': Look! It’s the portal that led us here! :'''Joey''': Alright! Home sweet home here we come! <hr width="50%"/> ====Part 2==== :'''Dartz''': Now, Great Leviathan! Crush the Pharaoh with his own darkness! :'''Yugi''': Let him go! :'''Yami Yugi''': No! Get back! :'''Yugi''': Huh? :'''Yami Yugi''': This is my fight now, I must prove that my rage is gone! ''[Yugi gasps flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|Yami Yugi and Rafael's first duel, the Pharaoh activated The Seal of Oricalcos card]]. flashback ends]'' When I played that card, I unlocked the evil in my heart, Ever since then, I’ve been fighting the anger within me, and now it’s destroying me. :'''Yugi''': But you stopped it… Didn’t you? :'''Yami Yugi''': No, Yugi! Listen. Facing you in that duel was a first step, But there’s a long way to go. ''[grunting]'' The darkness… It’s power knows no bounds. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Self Destruction|Yami and Yugi’s duel in the Stone Wasteland]] flashback ends.]'' :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh! Be strong! Focus on the good inside you! Think of your friends! :'''Yami Yugi''': Of course. As long as I’m filled with the light of friendship, Dartz can’t win. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#A Duel with Dartz|their duel]] and flashback ends]'' Thanks to my friends, I have enough light to banish the darkness! So with the power of everyone in my heart, I shall seal you away! '''BE GONE!''' :'''Dartz''': Great Leviathan, vanquish the Pharaoh's spirit for all eternity! :'''Yugi''': Get out while you can! :'''Yami Yugi''': You must trust me! :'''Dartz''': '''NO! THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE!''' :''[?]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Man''': The hurricane, It seens to be gone. :'''Captain''': Are you sure you're reading that thing right? :''[Back at Monument Valley, Duke Devlin, Rebecca and Professor Arthur Hawkins saw dark clouds are lifting out to the skylight.]'' :'''Arthur Hawkins''': The Darkness is Lifting. :''[Back at Atlantis]'' :'''Yugi''': You did it. ''[Yami collapses he helps him]'' Hey, are you all right? :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm fine, Yugi, The Great Leviathan is gone. :'''Yugi''': Yeah. Thanks, pal. It's over now. ''[spots at Dartz]'' But what about Dartz? :''[Dartz wakes up his dark side is gone then the light glow when Ironheart, Chris and Skye appears]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi, Look it's Ironheart, and Chris. :'''Dartz''': Father, Chris, It's you. :'''Chris''': Dad, you're back! :'''Ironheart''': My son, At long last. And you have the great pharaoh to thank. He drove out the evil force that controlled you. :'''Dartz''': Oh. :'''Yami Yugi''': I knew it. Deep down you're a noble ruler, Dartz. :'''Chris''': And a great father! I've missed you so much, Dad. :'''Ironheart''': Your work here is now complete. You may go in place. Great things await you. So return now to your world by stepping through that portal. :'''Yugi''': But what about you? Are you guys gonna be OK? :'''Ironheart''': Yes, For the first time in centuries. :'''Yami Yugi''': Alright, Yugi let's go back home. :''[Pharaoh and Yugi walked toward the portal and looks at Chris, Dartz, Ironheart and Skye and they walked off enter the portal and disappears Chris looks at her father.]'' :'''Chris''': Hey, Dad. We should go too. After all this time, We have a lot of catching up to do. :''[Dartz smiled agreed with his daughter now the Atlantis is going down to the ocean and splashed towards Dartz's lair.]'' :'''Seto Kaiba''': Mokuba! Start the engines! :'''Mokuba Kaiba''': Seto! :'''Seto''': We have to get out of here. :'''Téa Gardner''': Without Yugi? No way. :'''Joey Wheeler''': Eh? :'''Téa''': Don't you know where he is? :'''Joey''': Don't tell me. :'''Téa''': You mean he's still in there!? :'''Mokuba''': Time's running out! :'''Seto''': Mokuba's right. We can't wait. :'''Joey''': Yugi! :'''Tristan Taylor''': Are you nuts man! :'''Joey''': Get your hands off of me Tristan! I’m not leaving here without Yugi! :'''Tristan''': Joey, we have to trust that he found the way out on his own! :'''Joey''': YUGI! :''[the gang hops in the KaibaCorp helicopter and takes off as Dartz's lair is washed down. Inside the helicopter Téa, Rafael, Tristan, Joey, Kaiba and Mokuba.]'' :'''Seto''': Good riddance. :'''Mokuba''': I just hope Yugi wasn't in there. :'''Téa''': Me, too. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the Hospital Rex and Weevil wakes up was that a dream.]'' :'''Weevil Underwood''': Where am i? Mommy? :'''Rex Raptor''': Hey! Who's said that!? :'''Weevil/Rex''': Huh! Oh! :'''Rex''': What are you doing in my bedroom, Weevil!? :'''Weevil''': Your bedroom!? You're in a hospital, You dimwit! :'''Rex''': What happened!? :'''Weevil''': I know who fault this is. :'''Rex''': ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#On the Wrong Track|Joey's]].'' :'''Weevil''': ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#On the Wrong Track|Yugi's]].'' :'''Both''': '''YOU'RE PAY FOR THIS! YOU HEAR ME!?''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alister''': Mikey, I know you're out there somewhere, And I'm not gonna stop looking until I find you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': ''[wakes up]'' I’m home. ''[thinking]'' Was that all a dream? ''[flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fighting for a Friend|Joey and Valon's last duel]]. Flashback ends he gets up the bed and the card fell off he spotted the Harpie Lady card and holds it walked outside the beach house and smiling looked at the sky]'' I'll never forget you. Thanks Mai. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mai driving on her motorcycle at the beach]'' :'''Mai Valentine''': ''[thinking]'' ''I'm glad that mess is over. Now to pick up the pieces.'' ''[In Mai's flashbacks, it shows the beginning of how she entered the Doma organization, when she met [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#An_Unexpected_Enemy|Yugi's friends and running towards Joey]] [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Fighting_for_a_Friend|before he became unconscious]]. Flashbacks ends]'' ''Sorry Joey. But I can't face you yet. So I'm gonna hit the road until I'm ready to own up to everything for what have I've done. But I'll be back.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dark Magician Girl''': ''[voice-over]'' Yugi, Wake up. :'''Yugi''': ''[wakes up and surprised on the beach and sees the sunset on the ocean.]'' Any idea where we are? :'''Yami Yugi''': It seems we've washed up on shore. But I wonder how. Someone must have guided us here. Hmm. :'''Yugi''': Hey, look! ''[sees Dark Magician Girl along with Timaeus, Hermos and Critias appears]'' It's Dark Magician Girl! :'''Yami Yugi''': And she's brought with her the three legendary knights. :'''Dark Magician Girl''': We four are forever in your debt. Not only have you rescued your own world, But you've saved the creatures of our world as well. Thanks to your fearlessness. The dominion of the beasts can once again flourish just as it did so many years ago. And by breaking the evil spell that imprisoned the legendary knights. They can continue to protect our land. :'''Yugi''': I'm just glad we could help. :'''Timaeus''': Thank you both. You fought bravely. Farewell. :'''Critias''': You two will never be forgotten. :'''Hermos''': For as long as we reign. :'''Yami Yugi''': Well, We couldn't have done it without you. In the face of ultimate darkness, Your couragfousness sparked a light so incredibly strong it will burn for all eternity. :'''Timaeus''': Thank you, Pharaoh. We shall meet again. :''[The legendary knights flying off together.]'' :'''Dark Magician Girl''': The time may come that we need each other again. If so, You know where I'll be. Right there in your deck. :''[she flying off with the legendary knights together then inside the KaibaCorp helicopter]'' :'''Téa''': Look, those weird lights are back. :'''Joey''': Well, that explains why? It's Dark Magician Girl and the three legendary knights. :'''Téa''': I guess they’re going home. Now that their world is safe again. :'''Yugi''': ''[sees "The Eye of Timaeus" card disappears]'' Well, Pharaoh there goes our Timaeus. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes Yugi, There goes Timaeus. :'''Joey''': ''[sees "The Claw of Hermos" card disappears]'' Well, there goes Hermos. :'''Kaiba''': ''[sees "The Fang of Critias" card disappears]'' Oh well... No big deal. My deck's still unstoppable. :'''Téa''': I hope Yugi's all right. ''[spots Yugi on the island]'' Look! :'''Mokuba''': Huh? :'''Joey''': Eh? :'''Tristan''': Huh? Hey! It's Yugi! :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh! Over there! They made it out! :'''Yami Yugi''': You're right. :''[KaibaCorp helicopter lands on the beach and the door open]'' :'''Joey''': Yugi! :'''Tea''': I knew we find you. :'''Tristan''': Hey man! :'''Joey''': ''[giggling]'' I'll never let this spikey head of yours is outta my sight. :'''Tea''': Is it really all over? :'''Yugi''': Yep, we're safe now. :'''Mokuba''': ''[next to Seto Kaiba behind Rafael]'' Hey, Yugi! :'''Joey''': Let's hit the high road folks, I'm sure there's someone else trying to taking over the world back home. :'''Tristan''': You know the scary thing is he's probably right. :''[The gang hops the KaibaCorp helicopter when Yugi sees the Pharaoh watches the sunsets down the ocean.]'' :'''Tea''': ''[offscreen]'' Yugi, is something wrong? :'''Yugi''': I'll be right there, Tea. ''[The Pharaoh and Yugi looked at each other as the sun going down the ocean.]'' ''[voice over]'' ''We may have stopped Dartz, but the Pharaoh's not done yet. Now he has to pick up where he left off before all this craziness started 'cause the biggest adventure of all is still ahead. And it won't be over till the pharaoh unlocks the secrets of his past. He needs to learn who he really is and why he was sent back here. Maybe then his spirit'll finally be able to rest. Well, no matter what happens, one thing's for sure... whatever he finds out there... and whatever he needs to face... he won't have to do it alone.'' ==External links== {{wikipedia|Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (season 4)}} {{Yu-Gi-Oh!}} [[Category:Yu-Gi-Oh! seasons|4]] [[Category:Children's television seasons]] q1aii1eg7o6kp7notxjnan669x1byah 3778985 3778984 2025-07-15T02:21:10Z 2001:8003:DD49:F700:70BE:E456:AB7D:24BF /* A Duel with Dartz [4.33-38] */ 3778985 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''Seasons''': [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 1)|1]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 2)|2]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 3)|3 Enter the Shadow Realm]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)|4 Waking the Dragons]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 5)|5 Grand Championship and Dawn of the Duel]] | '''Movies''': [[Yu-Gi-Oh! The Movie: Pyramid of Light]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Dark Side of Dimensions|The Dark Side of Dimensions]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh!: Bonds Beyond Time|Bonds Beyond Time]] | [[Yu-Gi-Oh!|Main]] ---------------- The following is a list of quotes from the fourth season of '''''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'''''. ==Waking the Dragons Arc== ===''A New Evil'' [4.01-02]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Rex Raptor''': Ever hear of stepping aside?! :'''Weevil Underwood''': Yeah! What's your problem? :'''Gurimo''': The problem should be yours when I strip you two fools of your souls. :'''Rex Raptor''': Does the Grim Reaper know you've raided his wardrobe? :'''Gurimo''': ''[his eyes glow green, explaining the Orichalcos]'' ''Quod valedico vestrum animus.'' :'''Rex Raptor''': Say what?! :'''Weevil Underwood''': I-I think you just got him mad! :'''Gurimo''': Rise on your feet and Duel! ''[activates his Chaos Duel Disk and Weevil and Rex scream in terror off-screen]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Great deities of domination, I call upon thee. Use the pharaoh's force to penetrate the dominion of the beasts and liberate the fury of 10,000 years. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gurimo''': Your fate is now sealed. ====Part 2==== :'''Alister''': Looks like someone needs a rest. :'''Valon''': The boss warned us that the Egyptian God Cards and the magic of the Orichalcos might not mix so well, didn't he? :'''Alister''': I think that geezer's just getting too old for this. :'''Rafael''': Well, that's why we made him Duel first, right? To test the Pharaoh's strength. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Now why does all these weird stuff always happen to us? ''[Yugi is silent]'' You've gotta admit, it's true. :''[Rebecca runs up to meet Yugi]'' :'''Rebecca''': Yugi! ''[Hugs Yugi]'' :'''Yugi''': ''[Very surprised]'' Uh, hey....you! :'''Rebecca''': Oh no, don't tell me you forgot about me already! :'''Tristan''': Yet another weird event to add to the list. :'''Joey''': And this one tops them all. :'''Tristan''': It's probably best if we don't interfere! :'''Tea''': ''[Leaning towards Yugi]'' Do you know this person, Yugi? :'''Yugi''': Um, I don't think so. :'''Rebecca''': Maybe this will refresh your memory! ''[Holds up a card]'' :'''Yugi''': ''[After flashback]'' Ah, Rebecca! :'''Joey''': It's that brat! :'''Rebecca''': Hi! ''[Big smile; waves her hand]'' :'''Joey''': Wait, she looks different. Did she get a haircut or something? :'''Tristan''': No dude, she traded her teddy bear for glasses. :'''Rebecca''': ''[Hugs Yugi]'' I don't need a bear... now that I've got a boyfriend to protect me! :'''Tea''': Um, excuse me? A boyfriend!? :'''Rebecca''': ''[Another hug]'' My grandpa is also really excited to see you Yugi! :'''Yugi''': Professor Hawkins? :'''Rebecca''': Yeah, he's waiting at the Museum. :'''Tea''': Grrr... ''[Anime vein throb]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arthur''': Remarkable, Isn't it? :'''Solomon''': That's my boy. :'''Yugi''': Hey, guys! :'''Arthur''': Yugi Muto. You're just the person I need to see. I have a theory that all of these monster sightings have something to do with you. :'''Yugi''': Huh. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': Here we are, gang, Home, sweet home. :'''Rafael''': Wait til the boss hears we found the Pharaoh. ===''Legend of the Dragons'' [4.03]=== :'''Rafael''': We located the Pharaoh, Master. Unfortunately, we weren't able to capture his soul. :'''Dartz''': I didn't expect you to defeat him this soon. We've just begun. :'''Rafael''': But you know me, Master. I never come back empty handed. ''[walks forward with a small wooden box, and opens it to reveal the three Egyptian God Cards inside]'' :'''Dartz''': Excellent, the Egyptian Gods. ''[reaches out and takes the three cards in his hand]'' At long last. I've waited an eternity to hold their power in my hands. ''[the cards begin glowing]'' I finally possess the supreme force necessary to awaken the Great Beast! ''[walks to the altar at the far end of the temple]'' Soon we shall rid the Earth of mankind, and rebuild civilization as it once was! ''[places the Egyptian God Cards in the mouths of three huge stone serpents, with Ra in the middle, Slifer on the right and Obelisk on the left]'' Serpents of the Orichalcos, please hear my call! ''[raises his hands in worship]'' I offer thee the Gods of Egypt! Use their divine might to unlock the sacred chamber of the Great Beast! Awaken him from his ancient slumber by accepting my offering! :''[Dartz laughs evilly as the three cards emanate a powerful beam of energy, which then shoots up past the temple roof and into the sky, culminating in an explosion of white light which clears to reveal an array of multicoloured lights floating in the sky]'' :'''Dartz''': The time has arrived, my friends. Finally, after ten thousand years, the Great Leviathan shall rise again! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dark Magician Girl''': We’ve only just begun. The great beast is still weak so he retreated for the moment. And for that my companions and I are truly my Pharaoh. But many of us remain prisoners on the other side. :'''Yugi''': What’s next? :'''Dark Magician Girl''': The great beast will return again… and his power will grow! He must be stopped before he is fully restored! Time is running out! ===''The Creator Returns'' [4.04]=== :'''Dartz''': Rafael! :'''Rafael''': Yes, Master Dartz. ''[kneels before Dartz]'' I know what to do. I'll find the Pharaoh. And this time, I'll make sure we drain his power to feed the Great Beast, sir. :'''Dartz''': Why don't you try listening? It's really a wonderful skill. ''[turns around]'' And when you master it, you'll realise that we need more than just the Pharaoh's soul! :'''Alister''': Then we'll deal with the others too. I'll take Kaiba. :'''Valon''': I got my eye on someone too. That feisty little bloke Joey Wheeler. ''[laughs]'' He should be fun to take apart. :'''Alister''': I know why you're after Wheeler. :'''Valon''': Mind your own business, Alister! What about you? Why the sudden interest in Kaiba? :'''Alister''': Look, I have my reasons, Valon. :'''Valon''': Really?! :'''Rafael''': Knock it off! We're in the presence of Master Dartz! :'''Dartz''': The Pharaoh and his friends are on his way to speak with the one we've been watching. Just make certain that you reach him before they do. :'''Rafael''': Pegasus? :'''Dartz''': And to think, I called you a bad listener. Now go see Pegasus at once! :''[Alister and Valon join Rafael in kneeling before Dartz]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': I can’t believe the very monsters I made famous and now terrorising people around the world. Oh. Talk about bad publicity. :'''Mai Valentine''': Do you always talk to yourself like that? :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': ''[turns looks at the window shelf a strange figure is Mai Valentine]'' Huh? :'''Mai Valentine''': You got to get yourself some friends, honey. :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': But how did you get past my security? :'''Mai Valentine''': I guess your office isn’t as secure as you think it is, money bags. :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': I know you, you’re Mai Valentine. Tell me, why did you come here? :'''Mai Valentine''': Good question. I came here to duel you. And to take your soul. :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': '''NO!''' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Yugi and his friends at the airport]'' :'''Yugi''': I'll see you soon, Grandpa. :'''Solomon''': Take care, Yugi. And don't forget to keep your seats upright during takeoff. And don't fill up on peanuts. :'''Yugi''': Sure, bye, Grandpa. :'''Tea Gardner''': Well, we're off. :'''Joey Wheeler''': Thanks for the ride. :'''Solomon''': You kids be careful, now! :''[Weevil and Rex are sneaking to followed Yugi and his friends to hiding in the bag.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pegasus''': Kaiba boy! I missed you! ===''Deja Duel!'' [4.05-06]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Mokuba''': Seto, We're approaching Duelist Kingdom. :'''Seto''': I'll try to make this quick. The less time I spend here, the better. :'''Mokuba''': Me, too. This place has nothing but bad memories. :'''Seto''': Initiate the landing sequence now. :'''Mokuba''': You got it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pegasus''': I just haven't been myself lately. in fact... ''[in Alister's voice]'' I mean that quite literally. :'''Mokuba''': What's going on? :'''Alister''': Surprise! ''[chuckling]'' :''[he rips himself off, revealing Alister]'' :'''Alister''': I've waited for this day for a long time, Kaiba-boy. :'''Seto''': You're gonna pay for tricking me like that! :'''Alister''': ''[as Pegasus' voice]'' Pretty good imitation, right? :'''Seto''': Identify yourself. :'''Alister''': ''[normal voice]'' Alister's the name, Kaiba boy! Now let's duel! ''[activates his chaos duel disk and draws a card]'' Hm. ''[holds up "The Seal of Orichalcos" card]'' This magic card is about to change everything. Activating the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Seto''': What's that? :'''Mokuba''': This is nuts! :'''Seto''': Explain yourself now! :'''Alister''': Oh, as if you're gonna believe me? :'''Seto''': Try me. :'''Alister''': We're trapped in here till the duel's over. Then once I crush you, I'll be able to get out. Hmm. Of course, you on the other hand won't be quite as lucky as myself Kaiba boy. :'''Seto''': What do you mean? :'''Alister''': When you lose, your soul will be locked away for all eternity... But this time, you won't be set free! :''[To Be Continued...]'' ====Part 2==== :'''Alister''': Let's get on with this. I summon Gorlag in attack mode! And here's a little bonus. :'''Seto''': Your monster just got stronger! But how?! :'''Alister''': Remember the Seal of Orichalcos? As long as it stays active on the field, every one of my monsters gets 500 attack point boost. :'''Seto''': What?! :'''Alister''': You heard me. Plus, my Gorlag gets another 500 points for every fire monster on the field. :'''Seto''': There are none! :'''Alister''': Oh, no? What do you think my Gorlag's made of? Ready, Gorlag? Attack his Versago the Destroyer, now! ''[Gorlag attacks Seto's monster and it reappears on his side of the field]'' :'''Seto''': ''[thinking]'' What's that?! :'''Alister''': Did I forget to mention my Gorlag's ''other'' special ability? Every time he destroys one of my opponent's monsters, that very same monster reappears on ''my'' side of the field-- only this time, it becomes a creature of fire! And you remember what happens when a creature of fire is on the field, right? My Gorlag gets even stronger! It's over for you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alister''': It used to be my brother's! But I'll never see him again… 'cause your father took him away from me! <hr width="50%"/> ===''An Unexpected Enemy'' [4.07]=== :'''Rafael''': Someone out there likes to crash parties. Let's find out who. ''[drives off]'' :'''Valon''': I already know. And I know just where she's going too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Don't we get a "hi"? What's with the silent treatment, Mai. :'''Mai''': I'm not Mai. at least not the Mai you knew. :'''Joey''': What? :'''Mai''': You heard me. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#The Creator Returns (E.4)|she and Pegasus' duel at Industrial Illusions]], flashback ends.]'' Alright, gang. ''[holds up the card is Maximillion Pegasus' soul is captured by the Seal of Orichalcos]'' Say hello to Pegasus. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[shocked]'' What? :'''Tristan''': Whoa... Is that really him? :'''Téa''': Ah... Question: Did you do that to him? :'''Joey''': Look! You better start talking! :'''Valon''': ''[offscreen]'' or else what!? :'''Joey''': Huh? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Joey, Yami Yugi, Téa and Tristan spots at Valon and Rafael on top]'' :'''Valon''': What's the matter, Wheeler, did your little reunion with Mai not go as well as you expected it to do? ''[to Mai]'' And you! Why are you keeping these guys all for yourself, Mai? Why don't you show some manners and share the fun with us? :'''Mai''': Mind your own business, you lackey. These geeks are mine, so deal with it. :'''Joey''': Geeks!? But we're your friends, Mai. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_3)#One_for_the_Road|Joey and Mai after the battle city finals]]]'' Please, Mai! Tell me this is all a joke! You're on ''our'' side, remember?! :'''Tristan''': Great. Mai totally sold ''us'' out! :'''Téa''': No! Mai would never do that! Tell him. You're still ''our'' friend, right? :'''Yami Yugi''': Time to explain yourself. :'''Mai''': I was never a ''part'' of your little playgroup. And now I'm gonna break you apart one-by-one. ''[activates her chaos duel disk]'' And Wheeler… I'm starting with you! :'''Joey''': Fine! :'''Mai''': It's payback time, and it all starts, now! And to think, I was once pathetic enough to call you my friend. But now I know the truth! You were holding me back from achieving true power! So say hello to my real friend… THE SEAL OF ORICHALCOS! This card's done for me than you losers ever could! ''[activates the card, trapping Joey and herself in it]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': No! Not this! :'''Mai''': ''[chuckles sinisterly]'' If you're scared now, just wait till you lose. :'''Joey''': Wake up, Mai! This thing's nothing but bad news! It's messing up your head, big time! Don't you remember everything we've been through together? Just ditch that freaky card, and things can be the way they use to be! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': It's exactly as I feared. The Orichalcos controls her! This duel must end. :'''Téa''': Otherwise, she's gonna do the same thing to Joey that she did to Pegasus! ===''My Freaky Valentine'' [4.08-10]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Mai''': What are you waiting for, Wheeler? :'''Joey''': I'm waiting for you to come to your senses! :'''Tristan''': She's lost it. How can she side with the enemy?! :'''Téa''': It's all because of that Orichalcos thing! :'''Yami-Yugi''': Now, one of them will lose their soul. :'''Téa''': No, you can't do this! Don't you see you're letting that magic card control you, Mai! You're putting your own life in danger! :'''Yugi''': They can't go through with this! We've got to do something! :'''Yami-Yugi''': But the Puzzle is powerless against that seal. :'''Valon''': Ey, Pharaoh! Quit mumblin' to yourself down there, will ya? In case you didn't realize this last time, nothing can break the Seal of Orichalcos! Once it appears, it doesn't disappear until a soul's been captured! :'''Rafael''': And don't think you're off the hook, Pharaoh. As soon as the girl takes your friend's soul, I'm takin' ''yours''. :'''Mai''': Get back in your cage, gorilla boy! When I'm done with Wheeler… Yugi belongs to ''me!'' :'''Yami-Yugi''': But why? :'''Téa''': ''She's'' nuts! :'''Rafael''': I never liked her. No respect. Any more lip from Mai and she's next. :'''Valon''': Aw, give the girl a break, will ya? She's still new at all this, mate. Plus, she's kinda cute when she gets mad, don't ya think? :'''Rafael''': Uh, no. :'''Mai''': When are you gonna make your move, hotshot? This year would be nice. :'''Joey''': What did I say?! ''I'm'' not gonna duel ''against'' you, Mai! :'''Mai''': Afraid you're not good enough? Afraid you're gonna lose like you did in Battle City?! I shoulda known you'd back down! :'''Joey''': Actually, I'm afraid I'm gonna win. 'Cause if I do… You're gonna pay for it by givin' up ''your'' soul! :'''Mai''': I have no soul! :'''Téa''': ''[shocked by what she said]'' You hear that?! :''[Valon whistles]'' :'''Mai''': I told you, the Mai you knew is gone! I traded in her soul for power! The old Mai was too lonely and pathetic. The girl was just holding me back. So I did what I had to! I sent her packing! Now, my weak side's gone for good! :'''Joey''': Well, I happen to have liked the old Mai and I'm gonna get her back! :'''Mai''': I'd like to see you try! :''[Joey activated his duel disk]'' :'''Tristan''': He's gonna go through with this?! :'''Téa''': Be careful, Joey! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mai activates her Nightmare Tri-Mirror trap card to transform the reflection of Joey's Scapegoats into four more Harpie Ladies, thus giving her a total of six Harpies]'' :'''Tristan''': Wait just a second, she can't have six monsters in play! :'''Yami-Yugi''': Remember, Tristan, thanks to the Seal of Orichalcos, Mai is allowed to have up to ''ten'' monsters on the field at once. :'''Tristan''': D'oh! Stupid magic thing! :'''Mai''': Now this is what I call, "girl power!" You're up against six Haripe Ladies all enhanced with the power of my magic card! I place one card facedown on the field. It was nice knowin' ya! I've got six Harpie Ladies and one big magic circle, and we all agree you're in over your head, Wheeler. Lucky for you, it's your move or I'd finish you off right now. So what's it gonna be? :'''Tristan''': There's nothing he can do! Mai backed Joey into a corner and now he's stuck there! :'''Yugi''': Tristan's got a point. If Joey doesn't do something quick, Mai is gonna win the duel! :'''Yami-Yugi''': That's true. And as long as the Seal of Orichalcos is on the field, Mai has all sorts of advantages. It even seems as though there are certain magic and trap cards that only she is allowed to use. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': I summon Panther Warrior in attack mode! Now, I sacrifice one scapegoat so my panther can attack! :'''Mai''': I reveal my facedown card! Harpie Lady Sparrow Formation! :'''Joey''': What?! :'''Mai''': My Harpie Ladies have all joined forces to repel your attack! :'''Tristan''': Mai didn't have that card back in Battle City. :'''Téa''': You're right. :'''Yami-Yugi''': It seems as though she's gone through more than a few changes since the last time we saw her-- including a stronger deck! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Look, Mai... I don't know what kind of spell these guys put on ya but you gotta wake up! Otherwise we're both gonna be in pretty big trouble! :'''Mai''': What spell!? No one's controlling me! ''[looks up on Valon and Rafael]'' Those two lackeys up there couldn't control my left pinky. ''I'' was sick of my life... So I ''chose'' to change it! :''[Téa, Tristan and the Pharaoh gasps and horrifying]'' :'''Joey''': ''[shocked]'' No way! :'''Téa''': How could you!? :'''Mai''': You guys wouldn't understand. You've never been an outsider like me... All alone. Duel monsters is all I have. And after [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 3)|the Battle City tournament]], I set out to become the best. I duel against chump after chump to improve my dueling skills. I needed to make a name for myself. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': I stopped whining like a loser and started taking control! Now nothing can stop me! :'''Joey''': I never knew you felt that way. Why didn't you tell us you were so unhappy? We could've helped you, Mai! :'''Mai''': '''SAVE IT!''' I don't need your kind of help! All I need now is power! And I'm about to unleash all of it on ''you!'' ''[draws]'' I play Harpie Lady Phoenix Formation! Since I have six Harpies on the field, it lets me destroy up to six of your monsters! :'''Tristan''': Hold on! Joey's only got three left! :'''Téa''': That means once Mai's Harpie Ladies attack, he'll be defenseless! :'''Yami-Yugi''': That's not all. Mai's magic card will also subtract the sum of Joey's monsters' attack points from ''his'' Life Points. :'''Mai''': Now, Harpie Ladies… unite and destroy every one of his monsters! Say goodbye to your three monsters, Wheeler! Someone is one attack away from losing their soul and I don't think it's me, sweetheart. Any last requests? :'''Tristan''': Mai's got 4000 points! She hasn't even lost one! And Joey's down to his last 200! Not to mention the fact that he's out of monsters! :'''Téa''': If he doesn't think of something right now, he's gonna lose the duel! ====Part 2==== :'''Yugi''': There is a way for Joey to end this duel without someone getting hurt, isn't there? :'''Yami-Yugi''': Yes, but it won't be easy. The Seal of Orichalcos is powerful. However, it does have limitations. It can only capture a soul when a duelist loses, and there it lies the secret to escaping its wrath. :'''Yugi''': I don't get it. :'''Yami-Yugi''': Let's hope Joey does. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': ''[spots at Weevil and Rex outside]'' It's a regalia party, What are you guys doing here? :'''Weevil''': It's that magic circle! :'''Rex''': Yeah! The same one we were trapped in! :'''Mai''': I sacrifice my two Harpies! That allows me to summon Harpie's Pet Dragon! And thanks to the Seal of Orichalcos, it gets 500 more points! Plus, it gets another 300 points for every Harpie I have on the field! :'''Yami-Yugi''': Now it has 3,400 points! :'''Mai''': It's been nice knowing ya, Wheeler! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Joey picked his own trap card in the middle, canceling Mai's attack]'' :'''Joey''': YEAH! Bingo, baby! :'''Tristan''': I knew he could do it! :'''Téa''': You go! :'''Weevil''': Now that's luck. :'''Rex''': Yeah, next time I play Bingo, I'm bringin' him! :'''Valon''': Well, there goes your theory. :'''Joey''': Looks like your last attack didn't work. So I'm still in the game! :'''Mai''': For now, maybe. :'''Téa''': That's cool. At least Joey bought himself a little time. :'''Yami-Yugi''': Yes, but it did come with a price, Téa. :'''Mai''': Impressive. But your little maneuver helped me out, too. :'''Joey''': Yeah, I know. Now you get to put the two cards you picked at the top of your deck. :'''Téa''': Oh, no! Now she can use those two cards again! :'''Yami-Yugi''': Harpie Lady Phoenix Formation and Harpie Sparrow Formation. Those are two of Mai's most powerful cards! :'''Mai''': You may have stopped my attack but my turn's not over. Next, I'll move one of my Harpie Ladies to my rear defense. And then, I'll place two cards facedown and end my turn. :'''Joey''': ''[thinking]'' I've got one more shot to do this, but I'm all out of ideas! ====Part 3==== :'''Rafael''': Valon, what are you doing!? :'''Valon''': With this fragment of the Orichalcos stone… I unlock the seal! :'''Rafael''': No! ''[jumps down]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami-Yugi''': Joey, are you alright. Joey! :'''Tristan''': Oh man. :'''Téa''': Why did he do that? :'''Rafael''': What were you thinking, Valon? You betrayed Master Dartz and risked your own soul! And you mean to tell me you did all that so you just saved some girl, Valon. :'''Valon''': She's not just some ''girl'', Rafael! :'''Rafael''': Would ''you'' listen to yourself, Valon!? ''[growls]'' I'll make up for this… By taken ''your'' soul, Pharaoh. The power around my neck puts your Puzzle to shame. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami-Yugi''': Joey! :'''Tristan''': You're okay, man! :'''Téa''': Joey! :'''Tristan''': Don't give up on us now. :'''Téa''': Joey. :'''Joey''': Where's Mai? Did those punks take her? :'''Téa''': I guess so. :'''Tristan''': Yeah. She gone. :'''Joey''': ''[gasps]'' Oh no, I was so close. ''[groans]'' I'LL GET YOU BACK, MAI! ===''The Challenge'' [4.11]=== :'''Seto Kaiba''': No way! My mind must be playing tricks on me! :'''Joey Wheeler''': I doubt that. My card seens to be doing the same thing, Kaiba! :'''Yami Yugi''': It feels as though these three dragons are calling out to us. :'''All''': Uhh! :'''Yami Yugi''': I was told that fate had chosen three modern-day warriors to release these legendary beasts. :'''Kaiba''': Chosen by fate? Get real. I'm the one who decides my fate, Yugi! Not some fairy tale about mythical dragons and giant man-eating monsters. :'''Yami Yugi''': Be reasonable for once! The world needs us! We do this as a team! :'''Kaiba''': Sorry... I don't do the teamwork thing. :'''Yami Yugi''': Listen! :'''Kaiba''': You geeks have wasted enough of my time already. I have a multi-million dollar company to run. Playtime's over. :'''Yami Yugi''': Kaiba! :'''Mokuba''': Seto.... wait up! :'''Joey''': We don't need him weighing us down anyway. With good old Hermos over here those hoodlums won't stand a chance. :'''Tristan''': Someone's back to their old self again. About time. :'''Joey''': It took me a while, but I realized being bummed out about Mai's not gonna bring her back. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': ''[angrily]'' What were ''you'' thinking?! I was just about to finish off Wheeler, and then you had butt in and ruin everything! :'''Rafael''': You're a real piece a work. He saved your soul, and this is how you repay him? :'''Mai''': Who asked to be saved?! Maybe next time, He'll learn to butt out! :'''Rafael''': Next time... We'll just let you lose. :'''Valon''': That's enough, mate, I'm fine! :'''Mai''': Yeah, Clam up, or you'll end up just like your friend here. :'''Rafael''': ''[stands up]'' ''You'' have no idea the danger you were in. :'''Mai''': Huh? :'''Rafael''': Do you remember that Hermos card Wheeler played? It's an ancient dragon that can only be controlled by a chosen duelist. :'''Mai''': Ha! Yeah, ''he'' was chosen all right! Chosen to have that scrawny butt of his kicked by a real duelist! Humph. ''[hops on Valon's motorcycle]'' Later, losers! ''[droves off]'' :'''Valon''': Hey, wait! That's mine! ''[coughs]'' :'''Mai''': ''[thinking]'' ''You'' won't escape me this time, Wheeler. :'''Valon''': I can't let Mai get hurt. I gotta stop her. :'''Rafael''': Forget about her, Valon. Let's focus on the Pharaoh. :'''Valon''': But Master Dartz said to wait. :'''Rafael''': Yeah, Well, Master Dartz doesn't always know what's best. I should take the strongest soul first. Once I get him out of the way, The others will fall right into my hands, one by one. :'''Valon''': But how do you know the Pharaoh will duel? :'''Rafael''': Because my plan is already in place. It's only a matter of time. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': A duel monster's card? ''[spots a note from Rafael and gasps]'' GRANDPA! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': You sure this is the place? :'''Yugi''': Professor Hawkins! Rebecca! :'''Rebecca''': Yugi. :'''Yugi''': Rebecca. What happened here? :'''Rebecca''': ''[in tears]'' Yugi… they tooked him. ''[starts to cries]'' My poor Grandpa! ''[sobbing]'' It’s not fair! He didn’t hurt anyone! :'''Yugi''': We’re gonna find him… I promise. :'''Rebecca''': Thank you. Who would do something like this?! <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi''': Oh, no! How far away is [[w:Death Valley|Death Valley]]? :'''Rebecca''': Well if we use Duke's car, it shouldn’t take us more than an hour or so. :'''Yugi''': Sorry, Rebecca… But I have to go alone. :'''Rebecca''': Why? :'''Yugi''': I’ve put you and your family in enough danger already. :'''Rebecca''': Uh-uh. Don’t be silly, Yugi. None of this is your fault at all. :'''Yugi''': Thanks, Rebecca. But It’s me they want, and you’ll be much safer here. And please, don’t tell Joey, Tristan, Téa and the other guys where I’m about to go, OK? :'''Rebecca''': But why? :'''Yugi''': I don’t want them to follow me there. :'''Weevil''': Interesting. :'''Rex and Weevil''': ''[looks at each other]'' Hmm? <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi''': Ready, Copernicus. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arthur''': Rebecca, Where's Yugi? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': We’ll keep an eye out on Rex and Weevil, I don’t trust those two. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Weevil''': We can't miss the showdown between Yugi and those guys. I have to find out how they made Mai into such a strong duelist. :'''Rex''': Can't we take a quick snack break? :''[Weevil and Rex spots Yami Yugi riding on Copernicus]'' :'''Weevil''': It's Yugi, he's getting ahead! :'''Rex''': No put the pedal to the metal! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': ''[looks after her grandfather was asleep and holds Ties of Friendship card what Yugi gives her]'' Be careful, Yugi. Please. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': I'm ready for you, Pharaoh. Thanks to my deck... and the power it holds. ===''Fate of the Pharaoh'' [4.12-14]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Rafael''': Very impressive, cowboy, But You'll need more than a few rodeo tricks to get yourself outta this. ''[Pharaoh crossing the bridge]'' You see, While my associates are satisfied with stealing the souls of your friends, I'm not. :'''Yami Yugi''': I did my part. Now you release the Professor Arthur Hawkins as you promised. :'''Rafael''': He's already been set free, but since you've come all this way, you might as well stay awhile. ''[?]'' So you're gonna stick around, right? 'Cause like I said before, Pharaoh, your friends aren't good enough. I need to capture the soul of the pharaoh himself so I can save the world. :'''Yami Yugi''': Save the world? Don't you see that what you're doing is going to ''destroy'' the world? or are you so insane that you can't tell the difference? :'''Rafael''': I'm just fine. It's you who's blind to what's going on. You're fighting on the wrong side. :'''Yami Yugi''': Explain yourself. :'''Rafael''': This world's a dark and lonely place to live. It's been poisoned by mankind. All I'm trying to do is fix what's been ruined by people like you, and I'll do it by locking your spirit away for good. :'''Yami Yugi''': Who do you think you are? :'''Rafael''': Look, The name's Rafael, and I called you here to duel, not shoot the breeze. I've waited for this moment long enough and I have no intention of putting our fight off for another minute, so let's go. :'''Yami Yugi''': You've given me no choice. But know this, in the end righteousness will prevail and justice shall be served. ''[activates his KC mass production duel disk]'' :'''Rafael''': That's just what I'm hoping for. ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' :'''Pharaoh and Rafael''': Let's duel! ''[their life points to 4000]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rex Raptor''': Hey Weevil, Check it out. :'''Weevil Underwood''': Yugi started dueling already. ====Part 2==== :'''Rafael''': Well, for starters, He's a better leader than you were. That's right Pharaoh. My master told me all about your history as the king of Eqypt; How you ruled as an evil dictator using the power of the shadow realm to control your subjects. :'''Yami Yugi''': Wake up. ''He'' lied. :'''Rafael''': How would you know? You have no memory of your past. So isn't it possible that you're responsible for the destruction of Egypt?! Think about it! :'''Yami Yugi''': It can't be. I know I was a worthy pharaoh. I'm the one who locked the dark magic away! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh, no! :'''Yami Yugi''': Let go! :'''Yugi''': No! You don't know what you're doing! :'''Yami Yugi''': Let go! :'''Yugi''': Listen to me! This card is affecting your mind! :'''Yami Yugi''': We're going to lose the duel! Can't you see?! Trust me! It's the only way, Yugi! We must do this! Now let me go! :'''Yugi''': Please don't play that card! :'''Yami Yugi''': Now I activate the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Rafael''': ''[thinking]'' ''Excellent''. :''[The Pharaoh activates the card]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''What have I done?'' :'''Yugi''': No! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Do you guys see what I see!? :'''Tristan''': Is that light what I think it is!? :'''Joey''': The Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Rafael''': Nice work, Pharaoh. I knew you had it in you. Now, let's see what the Orichalcos reveals about you. Are you good or are you evil? So, tell me. How do ya feel? ''[laughing]'' :''[To Be Continued...]'' ====Part 3==== :'''Yami Yugi''': What have you done to my dragon!? :'''Rafael''': It's not what I've done.... It's what ''you've'' done by playing that magic card. Guess I should warned ya. Timaeus and the Orichalcos don't mix. But at least your dark side's been set free. :'''Yami Yugi''': What have I unleashed? ''[screaming]'' You were a fool to hand me this card! For when you lose, you soul will be for all eternity where it belongs! Now I activate Hand Control! All I need to do is correctly guess the name of a card in your hand and I can activate it! And since I gave you the necromancy card, I know you're holding it! Now it's mine! Ha! Necromancy allows me to bring four monsters back from my graveyard! So return to me Big Shield Gardna... Berfomet... Gazelle the king of mythical beasts... and Kuribabylon! Next I'll sacrifice Gazelle and Berfomet so I can summon my Dark Magician! Then I'll separate my Kuribabylon into the five Kuriboh brothers I used to create it! Now my monsters, feel the power of the orichalcos! <hr width50%> :'''Yugi''': Hey, where am I? The Seal of Oricahlcos! No! ''He'' played it! What have you done, Pharaoh? <hr width50%> :'''Joey''': YUGI! :'''Tristan''': No way, dude! :'''Joey''': What's going on? Why's that oricahlcos thingy on Yugi's forehead. :''[Joey, Tristan and Duke jumped in next Weevil and Rex.]'' :'''Rex''': You guys just missed the best part. :'''Duke''': Yeah? Then why don't you two fill us in. :'''Tristan''': I don't trust these twerps as far as I can throw 'em. :'''Joey''': Hey! ''[grubs Weevil]'' My best buddy's got that freaky ding on his head and I want answers now! :'''Weevil''': Why don't you take your paws off of me and try asking nicely! :'''Joey''': Wrong answer. Now it's go time! :'''Weevil''': Don't hurt me, Don't hurt me... :'''Rex''': It's the Seal of Oricahlcos! :'''Weevil''': ...Don't hurt me, Don't hurt me... :'''Rex''': Yugi got it from that big muscle guy and then activated it! :'''Weevil''': ...Don't hurt me, Don't hurt me. :''[Joey lets go off Weevil and he, Tristan and Duke gasps sees Yami Yugi faces Rafael and he using that evil spell card in horrified and Weevil panting.]'' :'''Joey''': Yugi ''wouldn't'' do that! He knows that card is ''evil!'' :''[The Pharaoh growls as the Orichalcos appears on his forehead]'' <hr width50%> :'''Weevil''': Alright, guys, If Yugi loses I call dibs on his Dark Magician. :'''Rex''': That's not cool. Why don't you show some compassion for a change... and let me take his Dark Magician. :'''Joey''': Watch it! <hr width50%> :'''Joey''': That doesn't sound like to Yugi I know. Come on pal... Snap out of it! <hr width50%> :''[In the far corners of Yugi's subconscious mind]'' :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh, NO! The Seal of Orichalcos is in play! So the monsters on the field are real! Please don't sacrifice the Dark Magician Girl! <hr width50%> :'''Tristan''': Earth to Joey, are you there, man? :'''Joey''': I'm here, but Yug's not. he's brainwashed! :'''Tristan''': Say what?! :''[Duke gasps]'' :'''Joey''': He's sacrificing his monsters left and right and talking about "power." That's not Yugi's style a duelin' at all! That oricahlcos ding is messin' with his head! Just like it did to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|Mai!]] :''[In the far corners of Yugi's subconscious mind]'' :'''Yugi''': ''[in tears]'' How could ''he'' do this? That card is evil. I warned him. <hr width50%> :'''Rafael''': You let your rage take over. Now look into the eyes of your monsters! :'''Yami Yugi''': Please forgive me for what I've done to you! <hr width50%> :'''Rafael''': Guardian Eatos, destroy his monsters and the rest of his life points! <hr width50%> :'''Yami Yugi''': '''NO!''' :'''Rex''': No way! Yugi actually lost! :'''Duke''': This can't be! :'''Tristan''': Oh man! :'''Joey''': Yugi! :''[In the far corners of Yugi's subconscious mind]'' :'''Yugi''': If he lost the duel. Then he'll loses his soul! :'''Rafael''': ''[laughing]'' Time for you to pay up, Pharaoh. The Seal of Oricahlcos never leaves the field without taking something along for the ride. And this time it's you, and you have yourself to blame 'cause you sealed your own fate when you played that card. Now your life-force will awaken the Great Beast. :''[In the far corners of Yugi's subconscious mind]'' :'''Yugi''': Not if I can help! With all the power of the Millennium Puzzle, I break the Seal! <hr width50%> :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh, I won't let his happen to you! :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi, no! What are you doing here!? :'''Yugi''': It only needs one of us. So I'm letting the Seal take ME instead. :'''Yami Yugi''': NO! YUGI! <hr width50%> :'''Rafael''': Adios, Your Highness. :''[The Pharaoh collapses]'' :'''Joey''': Hey! You alright pal!? :'''Weevil''': I doubt it. :'''Rex''': Yeah Ditto. :'''Duke''': This is nuts. :'''Tristan''': Come on, pal. :'''Joey''': Yugi, Get up! Please, Yug! :'''Rafael''': You won't be needing these anymore. <hr width50%> :'''Weevil''': Ha! Hey, Rex. :'''Rex''': I know exactly what you're thinking. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Pharaoh wakes up]'' :'''Tristan''': He's awake! :'''Joey''': I knew you outsmart that big goon. So How'd ya Yug, How did you escape. ''[sees the Pharaoh crying]'' Everything alright pal? :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[in tears]'' No, Joey. It's far from alright. I didn't outsmart him. He succeeded. Yugi's gone. :'''Joey/Tristan/Duke''': Whoa! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Great Leviathan, Please accept my latest offering. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': I don't get it. How can you be talkin' to us if ''he'' took your soul? :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[in tears]'' Not mine! Yugi's! IT'S ALL MY FAULT! YUGI, COME BACK! IT SHOULD'VE BEEN ME, NOT HIM! IT'S NOT FAIR! ===''Trial by Stone'' [4.15]=== :''[Rex and Weevil followed Rafael on the helicopter]'' :'''Rex''': He's getting away! We have to get our hands on one of those orichalcos magic cards. Just a little more! :'''Rex and Weevil''': ''[screaming]'' :'''Rex''': This is all your fault! Help! Mommy, I'm falling! :'''Rafael''': Oh, great. :'''Rex and Weevil''': Huh?! phew. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tea''': How'd it go? Is everything OK? :'''Joey''': Not quite. We got a problem guys. :'''Tea''': What do you mean? :'''Duke''': Yugi didn't win. :'''Tristan''': He's gone. :'''Tea''': Wha- :'''Tristan''': You heard me. Yugi got beat, Tea! :'''Tea''': You're wrong! If Yugi really lost that duel, those creeps would have taken his soul with their freaky magic card, Tristan! :'''Joey''': So what's your point, Tea? :'''Tea''': My point!? If he's lost how can he be standing right... ''[gasps and turns around looks at the Pharaoh]'' behind me? Oh no. :'''Rebecca''': Yugi, talk to me. What's wrong!? Why are you acting so strange!? :'''Yami Yugi''': Rebecca, they got him. :'''Rebecca''': Got who? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi. ''[Flashes back to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|their last duel as the Seal took Yugi instead]].]'' I know. This whole thing's my fault. I'm the one who unleashed the magic that took Yugi away. :'''Rebecca''': You knew that card was evil and you still played it!? If you really were a brave pharaoh, you would never have done something like that to poor, little Yugi! :'''Tea''': Now hold on. :'''Rebecca''': Oh, Tea! ''[sobbing]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm afraid Rebecca's right. :'''Tea''': Huh? :'''Joey''': What's done is done. :'''Yami Yugi''': I let everyone down. Especially Yugi. He warned me not to play the Seal of Oricalcos card, but my rage took control. ''[Flashes back to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|their first duel, the Pharaoh activated The Seal of Oricalcos card]].]'' He paid for my mistake. :'''Joey''': You got to ''snap'' outta this! :'''Yami Yugi''': He's gone, and it's all my fault. :'''Joey''': Get a grip, man! :'''Téa''': Joey! :'''Joey''': If we're gonna rescue Yugi, We gotta move ahead, not look back, So pull yourself together! What we gotta do now is find out who this Dartz guy is and where ''he'' keeps all these souls! :'''Duke''': I've been suggesting we do that since day one, but nobody listens to me. :'''Tristan''': Stop thinking about yourself for once, Duke! :'''Duke''': Down, boy. Heel! :'''Yami Yugi''': Let him go, Tristan! :'''Tristan''': Huh? :'''Yami Yugi''': This happened because I couldn't control my anger, and if we keep fighting amongst ourselves, the orichalcos will destroy us. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': You’re about to meet our master, so don’t anything to stupid. :'''Alister''': Yeah, He doesn’t have as much patience as we do. :'''Rex and Weevil''': gulped. :''[They opened the door]'' :'''Rafael''': Mission accomplished, Master. :'''Weevil''': We're gonna become super villains. :''[Rex and Weevil giggling]'' :'''Rafael''': You'll be happy to know the strongest soul on Earth has been captured, Master Dartz. :'''Dartz''': Ah, yes. The Pharaoh. :'''Weevil''': Pharaoh? :'''Rex''': What pharaoh? :'''Dartz''': Unfortunately, you failed again. ''[chair turns around wears a suit]'' :'''Valon''': ''[walks in with an arm in sling]'' That's right. The soul of the Pharaoh is still out there, Rafael. :'''Rafael''': ''[shocked]'' What?! :'''Alister''': ''[shocked]'' Huh?! :'''Dartz''': Now watch and learn. :''[Weevil whimping]'' :'''Rex''': What's that? :'''Dartz''': The Pharaoh's [[w:Rebirth|spirit inhabits the body]] of a young man. And what we have here is a clear case of mistaken identity. :''[Camera zooming towards image of Yugi Muto in stone]'' :'''Rex''': ''[shocked]'' No way! :'''Weevil''': ''[shocked]'' Yugi?! :'''Valon''': Instead of the Pharaoh, ''you'' got the soul of some kid! :'''Rafael''': I still don't understand. :'''Dartz''': Then you need to clean out your ears, you oversized baboon. Both of their spirits inhabit one body! Get it!? ''You'' captured the wrong soul! :'''Rafael''': But how!? I’m pretty sure ''I'' was dueling the Pharaoh! So the Orichcalos should have sealed him! :'''Dartz''': Well, apparently you're not as perceptive as you think you are because ''he'' got away! :'''Rafael''': That Punk! :'''Dartz''': There's no ''one'' to blame but ''yourself''! :'''Rafael''': I can fixed this, If you’ll let me. :'''Weevil''': Hey! :'''Valon, Dartz, Rafael and Alister''': ''[spots at Rex Raptor and Weevil Underwood]'' Huh? :'''Weevil''': Let's go! :'''Rex''': Go where? :''[Rex and Weevil run to Valon, Dartz, Rafael and Alister and knees on]'' :'''Weevil''': Might I suggest something, sir? :'''Rex''': Like a better hideout? :'''Weevil''': Quiet! ''[bangs Rex's head]'' :'''Rex''': Ow! I'm just trying to be helpful. :'''Dartz''': Who are these two? :'''Rex''': Haven't you heard of us? Former regional duel monsters champions? :'''Rafael''': They're just a couple of wanna-be duelists who followed us here. They probably never even played the game. :'''Weevil''': Never played the game?! :'''Rex''': Wanna-bes?! We're great duelists, but we came here to become even better. :'''Weevil''': Yugi and his friends have been making fools of us for years. ''[flashbacks to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 1)#The Ultimate Great Moth|Yugi and Weevil's duel with the Summoned Skull and The Great Moth in defeat,]] and then [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 1)#Trial by Red-Eyes|Joey and Rex's duel with a Time Wizard and Red Eyes Black Dragon in defeat]] at Duelist Kingdom. flashback ends]'' Before ''they'' showed up, we ''ruled the duels.'' But lately it seems like we're just the butt of everyone's jokes. :'''Rex''': And no ''one'' likes being a butt. :'''Weevil''': Uh, What he means is, we want nothing more than to have our revenge. So, please, mister Dartz, sir, share your dueling secrets with us and we'll help you get what you want. :'''Rex''': Please! :'''Dartz''': It won't be easy. The Pharaoh and his little friends wield the power of the legendary dragons. How do you intend to fight against cards like those? :'''Weevil''': That's exactly why we need your help, sir. :'''Rex''': Yeah, Weevil and I need the seal of orichalcos. :'''Dartz''': You know, Before I share my power with you, I have to make sure you're worthy. :'''Weevil''': Give us a chance to prove it. :'''Rex''': We'll do anything. :'''Dartz''': Very well. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Deliver to me the soul of the Pharaoh and his companion young Joseph Wheeler. The Orichcalos is with you. Used it correctly and victory is yours. :'''Rex and Weevil''': Yes, sir. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Back inside the caravan]'' :'''Joey''': So they wanna rule the world. We've dealt with that before. :'''Yami Yugi''': No, Joey, this time things are different. :'''Tristan''': Yeah, They're not just talking about wiping out all life on earth, they're doing it! :'''Joey''': But we know how to stop 'em. :'''Tristan''': Huh? :'''Joey''': We got to go straight to the source and destroy that secret weapon of theirs. :'''Tea''': You mean [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Legend_of_the_Dragons|that weird monster-zapper in the sky?]] :'''Tristan''': Unfortunately, that thing's after more than just monsters. it's using human souls to power itself up so it can wipe out the rest of us. :'''Joey''': Yeah, and right now that thing's got Yugi, so I don't know about you, but I'm not gonna stand here twiddling my thumbs. I'm gonna take action. :'''Tea''': Look, Joey, I wanna help Yugi too, but we can't just fight this thing by ourselves. We need help. :'''Rebecca''': No, Tea. :'''Tea''': Huh? :'''Rebecca''': In case you forgot, Those jerks burned down my grandpa's laboratory and destroyed all his research. And without any hard evidence, there's no way anyone's gonna believe our story. :'''Tea''': But we have proof. It's all down in those underwater ruins. :'''Rebecca''': Whatever was there won't be of any help to us now. The ruins are gone, guys. :'''Tea''': Someone ruined the ruins? :'''Duke''': They're one step ahead of us. :'''Arthur''': ''[opens the door]'' Don't give up so easily. :'''Rebecca''': Gramps, you're awake. :'''Tea''': Yeah, shouldn't you be resting? :'''Arthur''': I'll be fine. Anyway who could sleep with you kids chit chatting all day? Besides, I can help you find the information you need. You're right about looking to the ruins for answers. :'''Yami Yugi''': So did you discover anything more about these thugs? :'''Arthur''': Well, I can't be sure, but based on the inscriptions I found, there's a good chance these fellows are descendants of Atlantis, an ancient continent said to have disappeared into the ocean thousands of years ago without a trace. :'''Tea''': Are you sure? :'''Duke''': Professor, If your hunch is right, Why would these people want to destroy what was left of their ancestors' city? :'''Arthur''': They must be trying to hide something. Those ruins revealed the history of Atlantis, and it's not a pleasant one. They must what to keep it a secret. :'''Yami Yugi''': How much of this history do you know? :'''Arthur''': Thousands of years ago, Atlantis was home to the most advanced civilization the world had ever known. It truly was a paradise on earth, a land of eternal tranquility where everyone lived in peace until one day, when a dreadful creature was called forth from the depths of the earth by an evil king. :'''Yami Yugi''': An evil king? Oh, no. ''[Flashes back to their first duel, Rafael told Pharaoh heard about the Pharaoh are the one responsible for the destroy Egypt.]'' :'''Tea''': ''[worried]'' What's wrong? Are you OK? :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm fine. :'''Arthur''': It seems this power hungry king drew his evil strength from a mysterious stone, and this stone drew it's strength from another world. :'''Joey''': It's that rock they wear on their neck, Isn't it? :'''Arthur''': I'm not sure. That's all I was able to translate. :'''Joey''': NO! :'''Tristan''': Chill out, man. you'll blow a gasket. :'''Joey''': You guys don't get it, do you? Those Atlantis freaks are trying to cover something up about this ancient mega-monster. :'''Duke''': Of course. There was probably something written in those ruins about how to destroy that thing before it destroys us. :'''Tristan''': I get it. Hey, Joey, I guess you had your good idea for the year. :'''Arthur''': The ruins may have been destroyed, but there are copies of the inscriptions at a museum. It's in [[Florida]], where I was doing my underwater research. :'''Tea''': Perfect. So all we have to do is go there and translate the rest. :'''Arthur''': Mm-hmm. :'''Joey''': What are we waiting for? Let's head to sunshine state and find out the secret to defeating these guys and saving Yugi, right? :'''Tristan''': I'm right behind ya, man! Goodbye to Death Valley, Hello to fun in the sun. :'''Duke''': That's great. Just one question: How are we supposed to get there? :'''Tristan''': We're doomed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kaiba''': ''[after hearing what happened to Yugi over the phone]'' YUGI LOST?! Yugi gave up his Duel Monsters crown to some nobody?! No one deserves that title but me! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[calmly]'' Hold on. :'''Kaiba''': I don't wanna hear another word! You're a disgrace to the game, Yugi! ''[hangs up]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': I'll book our flights and we'll take a train to the airport. I just hope we can save Yugi before it's too late. ===''On the Wrong Track'' [4.16-18]=== ====Part 1==== :''[at the train station]'' :'''Téa''': How this train ride anyway? :'''Joey''': Too long. :'''Téa''': ''[sighs]'' Any chance you wanna go instead of me, Duke? :'''Duke''': No can do, Téa. I gotta stick with Professor Hawkins in case those biker punks come back. :'''Tristan''': Duke's right. Plus he's gonna keep an eye on Rebecca too. :''[Flashback to Rebecca and Arthur see Pharaoh and his friends leaving]'' :'''Rebecca''': I wanna go too! They need a brain like mine to figure out how to save Yugi! Please!? :'''Arthur''': It's too dangerous. And the Pharaoh has enough on his mind already. :'''Rebecca''': Huh? :'''Arthur''': The last thing he needs is the responsibility of looking after you. His closest friend in the world's been taken from him. :'''Rebecca''': ''[cries ran back to the caravan]'' You don't understand anything, Grandpa! :'''Arthur''': Rebecca, wait! It's for your own good! :''[the flashback ends]'' :'''Duke''': You better get on the train before you miss your ride. :'''Joey''': We got plenty of time. :'''Tristan''': No, we don’t. :'''Joey''': Like I said "All Aboard!" :'''Téa''': Take care, Duke. :''[Joey, Tristan, Pharaoh and Téa are onboard the train carriages as the train horns blares and the train departed from the station as Duke waves to them.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Téa''': Come on, you gotta cheer up. I promise we'll get Yugi back. But in the meantime, you can't just sit around moping. It might feel better to talk about it. We can even come up with a plan together. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[sighs, gets up the seat and sadly walked off alone]'' Sorry Téa. :'''Téa''': Poor guy. ''[watches the Pharaoh walked off alone feeling sad after he lost the duel with Rafael]'' :'''Tristan''': Just let him go, Téa. :'''Téa''': Huh? :'''Tristan''': I think he needs to be alone for a while you know? :'''Joey''': He's already alone. :'''Téa and Tristan''': Huh? :'''Joey''': Isn't that the whole problem? He’s crushed. But he’ll be alright soon enough. ‘Cause we’re going to rescue Yugi, right guys? :'''Téa''': There’s no doubt. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' How could ''I'' have been so selfish? I gave in to the darkness within my heart... and Yugi paid the price. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|their last duel with Rafael as the Seal took Yugi instead]].]'' I've lost him forever. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tea''': ''[sighs]'' He's been gone for a while. :'''Tristan''': ''[notices the passengers are empty]'' Hey, Hold on. He's not the only one! :'''Joey''': Huh? :'''Tristan''': Call me crazy. But wasn't this train completely filled with passengers just a minute ago?! What's the deal!? How can a train full of people all of a sudden be empty!? :'''Joey''': What?! :''[Joey and Tea sees passengers are empty]'' :'''Tea''': Alright. Now I'm officially freaked out! :''[back at Dartz's lair]'' :'''Dartz''': ''[evilly laughter]'' A vacant train is the least of your problems, my young friends. I'm just getting warmed up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tea''': There you are. :'''Yami Yugi''': Huh? :'''Joey''': 'Case you haven't noticed, Something weird's going on. :'''Tristan''': If you asked me. I'd say this whole train ride is another trap. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[gasp]'' :'''Joey''': I'm sure those same slime balls are behind this. and I bet they're onboard. :'''Tristan''': Well what are we standing here for? Let's get 'em! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': Pharaoh! Tea! Whatta we do now!? :'''Yami Yugi''': Get help! :'''Tea''': Come on, we have to find a way to stop this train! :'''Tristan''': Hey, we're slowing down! You heard 'em. we gotta get help. :'''Joey''': I know... but there's a problem. ''[he and Tristan jumps off the rail coaches]'' We're in the middle of nowhere! and we don't even know those two are gonna end up. Bye, guys. Hang in there. :'''Tristan''': I guess it's just you and me now. :'''Joey''': Hmm ''[sees Rex appears snickers in the railcar with his chaos duel disk on.]'' Huh? Rex!? What are you doing here? :'''Rex Raptor''': ''[jumps off the rail coaches and walks towards Joey and Tristan]'' I still have a score to settle with you, Wheeler. Remember? You tooked my Red Eyes Black Dragon. :'''Joey''': Rex, This is not the time. :'''Rex''': It’s the perfect time for revenge. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[sees Weevil appears on top of this train with his chaos duel disk on]'' Weevil Underwood! Are you behind this!? You'd better start explaining yourself! :'''Tea Gardner''': Weevil? What are you what with us, worm boy! :'''Weevil Underwood''': What are you think I what? A rematched with the king of games! :'''Tea Gardner''': Are you nuts!? :'''Weevil Underwood''': I'm just in the mood for a friendly duel. :'''Yami Yugi''': Weevil, Who put you up to this? :'''Weevil Underwood''': No one did. I figured this was a good time to test out my new secret weapon, that's all. :'''Tristan Taylor''': Is that magic rock the professor told us about it! Where did you find that thing, Raptor!? :'''Joey Wheeler''': I knew it! ''He's'' working for ''them!'' :''[back on the train]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': You've been brainwashed, Weevil! :'''Téa''': Wake up! Those guys are just using you! :'''Weevil''': Who cares! as long as I have ultimate power! :'''Yami Yugi''': You're ''wrong!'' :'''Weevil''': Then just duel ''me!'' :'''Téa''': Wait a minute! :'''Yami Yugi''': Huh? Téa, no! It's too dangerous! :'''Téa''': Weevil! Don't you realize that if you go through with this duel, one of you guys is gonna lose your soul forever!? :'''Yami Yugi''': Téa. :'''Weevil''': Of course I do, Téa. That's the whole reason I'm here! To make him pay by ''sealing him away!'' :'''Téa''': Oh! :'''Yami Yugi''': Oh no! :'''Weevil''': Don't worry. Soon you'll be locked away with your friend Yugi, Pharaoh! ''[laughing]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Where is ''he!?'' Tell me! :'''Weevil''': I'm afraid the only way to find out is to duel me. so if you back down now, then you'll never see that little twerp again! :'''Yami Yugi''': Very well! Then let's duel! :'''Weevil''': ''[laughing]'' Wise choice, Pharaoh! ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' :'''Rex''': ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' I'm gonna enjoy this! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey Wheeler''': What did you do to my friends!? :'''Rex Raptor''': Nothing! Weevil's dealing with those two losers why I handled you two. :'''Tristan Taylor''': Weevil? So he's in on this train too. :'''Joey''': Rex, you guys pick the wrong side to join. :'''Rex''': Oh really? Well, we'll just see about that won't we. I've been given more power then you ever dreamed of! :'''Joey''': ''[growl]'' Look, Rex, not only can I duel circles around your sorry behind but you're half my size! So why don't you get out of my way before I step on you! :'''Rex''': Sorry, pal. I'm not going anywhere till we duel! So draw your cards and let's get it on, chump! I've got a duel to win! :'''Tristan''': Now what? :'''Joey''': ''[sighs]'' I warned them. Now let's trample this geek and then go find Yugi and Téa. :'''Tristan''': Good call. :'''Rex''': Oh yeah? You'll change your mind when ''I'' activate this card! :'''Joey and Tristan''': Huh? :'''Rex''': ''[snickers and holds up "The Seal of Orichalcos" card]'' Look familiar!? :'''Tristan''': The Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Joey''': Drop the card! That thing is evil, Rex. I'm telling ya, you have no idea what you're doing! :'''Rex''': You're not so tough now! Are you, Wheeler! ''[laughs and activates the card]'' :'''Joey''': ''He'' played it! :''[Joey and Tristan grunting and as Rex screams]'' :'''Tristan''': Aah! :'''Joey''': No, Tristan! :'''Rex''': Ahh! Ha Ha Ha! Now... That's what I call power. :'''Joey''': What was ''he'' thinking playing that! :'''Tristan''': Be careful, man! He just raised the stakes a this duel big time! Now who ever loses the game, loses their soul! :'''Joey''': Gee, Thanks for the reminder. :'''Rex''': Let's do this. It's payback time! :'''Joey''': Sorry, Rex. ''I'' won't duel ''you!'' :'''Rex''': You don't have much ''choice!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Weevil Underwood''': I won’t keep you in suspense any longer! ''[snickers]'' It’s my move! ''[holds up "The Seal of Orichalcos" card]'' And I think I’ll play the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Yami Yugi''': Weevil, don’t be a fool! :'''Weevil Underwood''': What seems to be the problem, Pharaoh? You’ve played this card before, haven’t you? If I’m not mistaken, this is what you used to lock little Yugi away! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Looks like the battles are underway. :'''Rafael''': Yes, Master. And if all goes well, the soul of the Pharaoh will soon be yours. Of course, we win no matter what, because whatever the final outcome is, we get two souls. :'''Dartz''': ''[evilly snickers]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rex Raptor''': Are you gonna duel, Wheeler? or just stand there like a loser while I take you apart? :'''Joey Wheeler''': I got no choice. Alright I didn't wanna do this... But you got yourself a duel! :'''Tristan Taylor''': Are you sure? :'''Joey Wheeler''': It's the only way to save Yuge, so yes. :'''Rex Raptor''': Good answer. I've been waiting for this moment for years. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': ''[evilly snickers]'' It won't be long now. The soul of the Pharaoh is nearly in my grasp. After all we have the perfect bait. ''[evilly laughter]'' :''[To Be Continued...]'' ====Part 2==== :''[Joey and Rex were still dueling with Panther Warrior, the two Gilasaurus and Kaitoptera still on the field]'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': Dude, you've got three dinos breathing down your neck! You better think of something before you're extinct! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Gee, thanks. :'''Rex Raptor''': You're in way over your head! Thanks to the Seal of Orichalcos, I can never be beat, but enough talk! On with the Duel! ''[draws Polymerization from his Deck]'' It's showtime. First, I'll use Polymerization to combine my Gilasaurus with my Kaitoptera to form Horned Saurus! ''[Horned Saurus appears on the field]'' But you ain't seen nothing yet! Next I'll play Giant Rex! ''[Giant Rex also appears on the field]'' And the Seal of Orichalcos gives my Jurassic giants a power boost! ''[Horned Saurus' and Giant Rex's eyes glow red as the Seal of Orichalcos raises their attack by 500]'' Time to get prehistoric on you, Wheeler, by letting my ravenous meat-eaters chow down on your Life Points! My Horned Saurus is up first! Now, attack Wheeler directly! :'''Tristan Taylor''': How can he do that when you've got a monster on the field? :'''Rex Raptor''': Easy, Horned Saurus has a special ability that lets him bypass your monsters and go straight for your Life Points! Tough break. ''[Horned Saurus fires a shockwave blast on top of Joey, making Joey's Life Points drop to 1500]'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': That runt is kicking your butt! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Thanks for the help. You're a real pal. :'''Rex Raptor''': For my next trick, Giant Rex will make your Panther Warrior disappear! ''[Giant Rex attack and destroys Panther Warrior]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Be patient, Great Leviathan. Soon the soul of the Pharaoh shall be yours. ''[evil laughing]'' :'''Weevil''': ''[chucking]'' You’re about to pay the ultimate price, and I’ll be known as the duelist who dethroned the king of games! :''[To Be Continued...]'' ====Part 3==== :'''Yami Yugi''': My dragon! He abandoned me! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rex Raptor''': Please Save me! ''[screaming as the Oricalchos claims Rex's soul]'' :'''Joey Wheeler''': ''Sorry, Rex. It's the only way.'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': Rex! Come on, man wake up! I know you're in there somewhere so snap out of it. :'''Joey Wheeler''': It's no use, Tristan. The Orichalcos has him now. But I promise we'll get him back. As soon as we find Pegasus and Yugi. :'''Tristan Taylor''': Yeah, but how? :'''Joey Wheeler''': But first we gotta figured out where this Dartz guy hangs out. Find him, and we'll find them. YOU HEAR ME, DARTZ?! WE'RE COMING TO GET YOU! AND WE'RE NOT LEAVING WITHOUT OUR FRIENDS! ''[echoes]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Yami Yugi and Weevil's Duel is still underway with Breaker the Magical Warrior, Poison Butterfly and Armored Centipede on the field]'' :'''Weevil Underwood''': I'll tell you what. Because I feel sorry for you, I'd be willing to do you a little favor before you lose. I have a card in my pocket I think you'd like to see. I can't wait to see the look on your face! ''[laughs hysterically]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[snarls]'' ''Weevil!'' :'''Weevil Underwood''': Relax, Pharaoh, I'm just trying to be nice. It's the least I can do to repay you for ruining my life. You wanna see Yugi, right? ''[the flashback cuts in]'' His spirit is trapped, deep in the caverns of Dartz's lair, and I know how to set him free! ''[cuts back to the present]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Tell me how to save him right now! :'''Weevil Underwood''': ''[laughs]'' Very well. In order to release his soul, you'll need a special card. ''[takes out a Gokibore card out of his pocket]'' And I've got it right here. :'''Yami Yugi''': What?! Then hand it to me now! :'''Weevil Underwood''': That's not a nice way to ask! Why don't you try saying, "Pretty please, with sugar on top"? ''[Yami Yugi walks short, but realizes that Weevil was bluffing]'' Oh, well, too late! So it looks like I'll have to teach you a lesson in manners! Now say goodbye! ''[rips the Gokibore card in half]'' Yugi's gone FOREVER! ''[Yami Yugi, having witnessed Weevil rip the card, suddenly erupts into an uncontrollable rage]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[roars ferociously]'' '''NO!''' :'''Weevil Underwood''': ''[laughing]'' :'''Tea Gardner''': ''[in tears]'' No. Poor Yugi. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[furiously]'' You snake! :'''Weevil Underwood''': ''[laughs]'' Don’t you know a joke when you hear one? I tore up a useless bug card. :'''Tea Gardner''': Huh? ''[anger]'' Weevil, That’s not very funny! :'''Weevil Underwood''': You people have no sense of humour! :'''Yami Yugi''': You'll pay for that! You hear me, Weevil!? :'''Weevil Underwood''': Ha! Huh? :'''Yami Yugi''': You'll pay dearly! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Weevil Underwood''': ''[thinking]'' Yugi's been planning this all along! :'''Yami Yugi''': It's the beginning of the end for you! ''[draws a monster card from his Deck]'' I've drawn Queen's Knight! ''[discards Queen's Knight to the Graveyard]'' And since it's a monster, my warrior can attack! Go! ''[Breaker attacks Weevil's Life Points, making them go to 700]'' Now, for my next card! ''[draws Gazelle the King of Mythical Beasts]'' Looks like you're out of luck. Attack again! ''[Breaker makes a second attack at Weevil, making Weevil's Life Points drop to 0]'' I draw again! ''[draws Big Shield Gardna]'' Another monster! ''[Breaker delivers the third blow to Weevil]'' This just isn't your day! ''[draws Alpha the Magnet Warrior and Breaker attacks Weevil while Tea tearfully witnesses the moment]'' Breaker, attack him again! ''[Breaker delivers the last blow to Weevil, just as the Oricalchos claims Weevil's soul]'' Let's see. ''[draws Dark Magician Girl]'' Oh, well... :'''Tea Gardner''': ''[rushes to Yami Yugi in tears]'' Please, Pharaoh! No more! :'''Yami Yugi''': Let me go! :'''Tea Gardner''': You can stop now. It's over. You've already won the duel. The Seal of Oricalchos is gone. We have to put an end to all this. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''Tea's right'', ''[holds Dark Magician Girl card]'' ''I have a promise to keep.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': So many souls, so little time. The Great Leviathan is growing impatient. I must supply him with the power he needs to awaken… and for that, I need the soul of the Pharaoh. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Tell me where Yugi is! :'''Tea Gardner''': Pharaoh... It's no use. You won. So the Seal of Oricalcos took Weevil away. Pharaoh? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': No! I need him alive! ===''Self Destruction'' [4.19]=== :''[after the train derails and falling off the cliffs a passenger car on the river, at Dartz's lair Dartz not happy]'' :'''Dartz''': ''[stands up]'' Somehow I've lost contact with the Pharaoh. :'''Rafael''': Maybe he didn't survive the fall. :'''Dartz''': He did. However, Something or someone is hiding him from my vision. :'''Rafael''': Then let me be your eyes, Master. I'll track him down and make up for my failure. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chris''': ''[offscreen]'' Skye! Get back here! Skye! ''[appeared enter the tent]'' That's no way to treat our guests. ''[to Pharaoh and Téa]'' Sorry if she woke you up. :'''Yami Yugi''': Who are you? How did you find us? :'''Chris''': You can call me Chris. ''[giggles]'' And you've already met Skye. She's the one that found you. She was sniffing around for food and ended up sniffing out you guys instead. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ironheart''': I see your strength is back. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes, Thank you. :'''Ironheart''': Pleased to hear it. You two had me worried. By the way, the name is Ironheart, and I believe this belongs to you. Pardon me for being intrusive... But I couldn't help noticing you possess the legendary Eye of Timaeus... The only one of it's kind. :'''Yami Yugi''': Take it. I'm not deserving of it's power. :'''Téa Gardner''': That's not true. :'''Ironheart''': I'll hold it until you're ready. :'''Téa Gardner''': Did you find another kid? He had glasses and a bad haircut? He was on the train with us it crashed. :'''Ironheart''': No, I'm afraid you were the only ones we found. Perhaps your friend was able to escape before the train fell off that cliff. I assure you, there wasn't another soul on board. :'''Yami Yugi''': I highly doubt Weevil was able to escape. Not in the condition he was in. I'm afraid there's a greater power at work here. :'''Ironheart''': I must say, young man. You seem to possess a wisdom that reaches far beyond your years. Now, I've encountered many people in my travels... but there's something about you i've never seen before... something in your eyes. I'm also sensing that you hold a great deal of loneliness in your heart. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's because I recently lost a very close friend of mine. His name is Yugi Muto. And now... I'm on a journey to find his soul. :'''Ironheart''': What will you do if you find him? :'''Yami Yugi''': I’ll apologize for betraying his trust and abandoning him. :'''Ironheart''': Hmm. I might just be able to help. Follow me. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Rafael jumps on the rail carriage after the train falls off the cliff looking for the Pharaoh.]'' :'''Rafael''': Hey, Pharaoh! You in there or not!? How did he escape? ''[looks at the mountain]'' I'LL FIND YOU, PHARAOH, WHEREVER YOU ARE! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi Muto''': Is that really you? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi! :'''Tea''': Hey, It's him! :'''Yami Yugi''': I've found you! Hmm? :'''Yugi''': You came all this way just to see me? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes of course, I just want you to say how sorry I am. :'''Yugi''': I'm sorry too, I wish this whole thing never happened. :'''Yami Yugi''': It's my fault. I surrendered to my inner darkness. I allowed my anger to take over and you paid the price. But now that you're gone, The darkness is starting to grow without your light to keep me pure... I'm becoming evil, Yugi. I'm beginning to believe that what Rafael said about me is true. Perhaps I was a [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|wicked pharaoh]]. ''[Flashes back to their first duel, Rafael told Pharaoh heard about the Pharaoh are the one responsible for the destroy Egypt.]'' What if I am the one responsible for the destruction of Egypt? If I'm capable of such horrific behavior then it's my soul that should be locked away. :'''Yugi''': Well, What good is that now!? ''I'm'' the one who's been locked away forever, Not ''you''! :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm sorry? :'''Yugi''': Well, The last thing I need is your pity, Pharaoh! If You're really evil there's only thing to do. :'''Yami Yugi''': What are you saying? :'''Yugi''': You said it yourself, Didn't you? Your spirit should be locked away with mine. And I'm gonna do it. :'''Yami Yugi''': Wait! You misunderstood me! :'''Yugi''': Oh, So now you're taking back what you said!? Make up your mind! ''You'' don't deserve to be a part of this world! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[shocked]'' Yugi. :'''Yugi''': It's about time you started taking some responsibility for what you've done! There's only one thing left to do and you know it! You need to be a man for once and face me in a duel now! :'''Yami Yugi''': No please. :'''Yugi''': Too late! It's time for you to pay! If you're really sorry then you'll do this! It's time to duel! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tea''': Wait, So he's gonna duel himself. But why? :'''Ironheart''': This is the only way. :'''Tea''': Huh? :'''Chris''': That's why we took you guys here. So the pharaoh can face his other half. He has to deal with what he did so he can put it all behind him and finally move on. :'''Tea''': How do you know all this stuff? :'''Chris''': We've always known this. We were taught that a warrior would come to save our world. And as soon as we found you guys, We knew that he was the one. :'''Tea''': So, what's he supposed to do now? :'''Ironheart''': His first step is to face his inner fears and conquer the darkness that lurks within his heart. But if he loses this battle, The pharaoh's spirit will remain here forever. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Why are ''you'' acting like this?! :'''Yugi''': I'm just a reflection of ''you''! :'''Yami Yugi''': What do you mean, Yugi!? :'''Yugi''': You don't get it, do you? You and I are exactly the same. So the darkness that's in your heart... is also inside my heart. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi, I wish I could take it back. :'''Yugi''': Too late! You've already shown me who you really are an evil pharaoh who cares only about himself! Face the Facts! ''You'' didn't care what happened to me so long as you had power! Now it's my turn! :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi, wait! Are you holding the card I think you are!? :'''Yugi''': It's sounds like your starting to catch on aren't you, your highness? This duel is a chance for you to look at yourself from the outside. And there's only one card that can make that happen... The Seal of Orichalcos. :'''Yami Yugi''': Huh!? Yugi, no! ''[gasps]'' :'''Yugi''': Now it's pay back time, For taken my soul! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi… Don’t do this! Snap out of it! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': YUGI NO! I won't let you do this! ''[screaming]'' '''STOP!''' I ACTIVATE THE TRAP CARD... DIVINE WIND! :'''Yugi''': He did it! He was able to reverse my attack and double its strength to win the duel! :''[blast on Yugi and he screams and making his Life Points drop to 0]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': What have I done!? Yugi! :'''Yugi''': ''[groaning]'' :'''Tea Gardner''': Is he alright? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi! ''[running towards Yugi]'' Come on! ''[holds his body]'' Speak to me, Please! :'''Yugi''': You passed the test, pal. :'''Yami Yugi''': What are you taking about, Yugi? Did you plan this all along? :'''Yugi''': It was the only way. By defeating me you were able to defeat the darkness that was inside your heart. It wasn’t easy, But you did what was best for me and for mankind. You acted like a true hero. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[in tears]'' But now what? What can I do? :'''Yugi''': Don't give up this fight. Remember... I'm aways with you. ''[disappears]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[gasps see Yugi disappears]'' I'll save you! No matter what it takes. ===''Reliving the Past'' [4.20]=== :'''Téa''': Seems like the Pharaoh's in pretty bad shape down there. :'''Ironheart''': Of course. There's still a hole in his heart has Yet to be filled. :'''Téa''': ''[worried; thinking]'' Poor, guy. He still blames himself for what happened to Yugi. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[cries in tears after the duel with Yugi]'' Yugi, If it weren’t for me, You'd still be here. I'll never forgive myself. ''[Flashes back to their [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|last duel as the Seal took Yugi instead]].]'' Mark my words! I won't rest you until I get you back! Uhh! It's not fair! I should be locked away! Not you! I’m the one ''who'' played that evil card! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Meet Orichalcos Gigas! Attack the Pharaoh! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': I've got you right where I what you, Pharaoh. ''[evilly chuckle]'' :''[Rafael watches the Pharaoh and the Orichalcos soldier were still dueling with Obnoxious Celtic Guardian and Orichalcos Gigas still on the field]'' :'''Rafael''': Let's see you get yourself outta this. :'''Tea Gardner''': He's about to lose! :'''Ironheart''': There is but one thing that can save him. :'''Chris''': The card he gave you? :'''Ironheart''': Mmm. ''[grabs the card]'' The Eye of Timaeus. The creature that fought by my side so long ago. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': ''[spots at Ironheart]'' Who is that? :'''Ironheart''': Pharaoh! Take this card! :'''Yami Yugi''': Ironheart!? :'''Dartz''': You've disrupted my plans for the last time, old man. :''[lightning bolt strikes on Ironheart]'' :'''Ironheart''': AAH! :'''Yami Yugi''': IRONHEART! NO! :'''Chris''': GRANDFATHER! :'''Ironheart''': ''[groaning and collapses and holds up "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' Please take this card from me. It's the only way to defeat the beast. :''[Orichalcos blocks the Pharaoh on the field]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': I can't get out! :'''Chris''': Grandpa! :'''Ironheart''': It's up to you. :'''Chris''': What do you mean, Gramps? :'''Ironheart''': ''[groaning]'' Take this... and bring it to the Pharaoh. ''[Chris grab "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' Otherwise, All hope is lost. Good luck. ''[disappears]'' :'''Chris''': ''[gasps, sees her grandfather disappears in tears]'' No, Grandpa! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Please, Chris, Turn back! It's far too dangerous! :'''Chris''': ''[running, holds up "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' Pharaoh, My Grandpa want you to have this! ''[lightning bolt strikes on Chris]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': NO! :'''Chris''': ''[screaming]'' AAAAAHHHH! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Chris, No! :'''Chris''': ''[gasping]'' Pharaoh... ''[holds up "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' Take this... please. :'''Yami Yugi''': What is it? :'''Chris''': ''[groaning]'' It's the only thing that can stop him. It saved us once... and with your help it can save us again. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[grab and hold the card]'' The Eye of Timaeus. :'''Chris''': ''[smile and eyes closed]'' I trust you, Pharaoh. Thank you. ''[disappears]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[see Chris disappears]'' Hold on! Come back! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': There's only one thing left to do, ''[looks at "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' I hope you deem me worthy of your power, ''[close his eyes]'' I’m truly sorry for having betrayed you. But the lives are so many innocent people are getting hurt and depending on you, So I asked you not for myself, But for all those at risk. Please help me, Timaeus. The future of two worlds hangs in the balance, ''[open his eyes]'' we must win! No matter what. ''[draws Dark Magician Girl card]'' Now I sacrifice my Celtic Guardian in order to summon Dark Magician Girl! ''[summons Dark Magician Girl]'' Next I'll play... The legendary Eye of Timaeus! :'''Dartz''': He'll never learn. :'''Rafael''': ''[surprised]'' I don't believe it. He should never have been able to summon that dragon! :'''Yami Yugi''': Dark Magician Girl, fuse with Timaeus, forming Dark Magician Girl the dragon knight! Next, I'll enhance your strength with my Excalibur magic card! Attack! Destroy his creature of darkness! ''[Timaeus fire blast and Dark Magician Girl rise the sword and blast on the Orichalcos Gigas and the Orichalcos Soldier Blasting light]'' YOU HEAR ME, DARTZ?! I'M COMING TO GET YOU! AND I'M NOT LEAVING WITHOUT MY FRIENDS! ''[echoes]'' :'''Dartz''': ''[thinking]'' This isn't over, Pharaoh. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey Wheeler''': I'm assuming you see that gigantic green sunset over there, right? :'''Tristan Taylor''': What do you think it is? :'''Joey''': Hmm? ''[holds "The Claw of Hermos" card glowing]'' I'm guessing it's got something to do with this. Let's just hope Téa and the Pharaoh are alright. Come on! ''[ran off]'' :'''Tristan''': Hey, Wait! It's your turn to carry Rex! ''[ran off to followed Joey]'' I know you can hear me! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[to Timaeus and Dark Magician Girl]'' Well done, my creatures. He's gone now. Thanks to you two. But I feel this is just the beginning. :'''Rafael''': I have to say I'm glad you won, Pharaoh. 'Cause now I can be the one who delivers your soul to Master Dartz. ''[walks away]'' :''[Tea spots at Ironheart, Chris and Skye along with the three legendary dragons in stone]'' :'''Tea Gardner''': Wait. That's a carving of Ironheart, Chris and Skye from 10,000 years ago? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes. :'''Tea Gardner''': So you mean to tell me that those guys were just ghosts or something? :'''Yami Yugi''': They're spirits who once fought a great war, and now they've been captured by Dartz. ''[Tea stands up then she and the Pharaoh turns around and walks away]'' This gives me three more reasons to hunt down this madman and bring peace to the world once again. ===''Deck of Armor'' [4.21]=== :'''Yami Yugi''': Take my hand. We're back where we left off. :'''Téa''': Nice. Now all we have to do is follow those railway tracks. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's right. If all goes well, they should lead us straight to Tristan and Joey. assuming they haven't wandered off. :'''Téa''': They better be there. We have to do what we set out to do. Figure out where this Dartz creep hangs out so we can set free everyone he captured. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes, Téa. I only wish it were that easy. :'''Téa''': And remind me never to get on the train again. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Inside Paradius headquarters Mai at the meeting room with Dartz, Valon, Rafael, and Alister after Joey defeats Rex Raptor at the middle of nowhere on the railway line]'' :'''Mai Valentine''': Just leave Joey Wheeler to me. :'''Rafael''': You'll do nothing until Master Dartz gives you an assignment. :'''Mai Valentine''': What is this, Third grade? I decide who I'm gonna duel for myself. I don't wait for the homework assignment. :'''Rafael''': Why don't you show a little respect? :'''Alister''': Come on, Raf, as if little miss loud mouth knows respect? :'''Mai Valentine''': What did you call me? :'''Rafael''': Relax. :'''Mai Valentine''': Look, I was doing perfectly fine until Johnny stuntman over there stepped in. If it wasn't for you, I would a won. As for you, I don't need some scrawny freak dictating my every move! I'm out of here, losers! ''[opens the door]'' Humph! ''[walks off alone]'' :'''Dartz''': Just let her go, Valon. :'''Valon''': Hmm? :'''Dartz''': She can try to run away from fate, But in the end she'll get what she deserves. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': I know you’re deep down you feel the way I do, Mai. :'''Mai''': What? :'''Valon''': That’s why we found each other. You’re just like me… Lonely and misunderstood. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duke Devlin''': ''[driving]'' Should we have left so soon? :'''Rebecca Hawkins''': Of course. Time is running out. We have to catch up with the others now. ''[inside the caravan, Arthur was asleep]'' Besides, Gramps can get just as much rest on the road. Plus, we can't translate those ancient ruins without his help, Duke. :'''Duke''': Huh? ''[spots at Valon with Mai Valentine]'' Hey Rebecca, look, It's Mai Valentine. But what's she doing here? Wait a sec! That guy... ''[Flashes back to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|Joey and Mai's first duel]], Duke saw Valon next to Rafael watching Mai against Joey]'' I recognize him. He's one of those biker punks that brainwashed Mai. ''[cuts back to the present]'' He works for Dartz. :'''Rebecca''': Stop the car, Duke! :'''Duke''': Rebecca! Hold on! We’re dealing with a lunatic here! :'''Rebecca''': Alright, Tell me what you did with Yugi?! You guys had no right to take him! :'''Valon''': Sorry, kid, Never heard of him. :'''Rebecca''': Well, maybe this’ll refresh your memory! I win, You talk! Let’s duel! :'''Duke''': No, Rebecca! It’s too dangerous! :'''Rebecca''': I’ll be fine. I’ve dueled tougher opponents than this. So what are you say, punk? Do we have a deal or not? :'''Valon''': You can’t be serious, kid. :'''Mai''': Here’s your big chance. Why don’t you show me your stuff. :'''Rebecca''': Let’s go. I don’t have all day. :'''Valon''': Well, why not? She could use a lesson in manners and I got five minutes to kill. Plus I can sho off a few of my new dueling strategies. Alright. You talked me into it, mate. Let’s have a go. :'''Duke''': Hold on! If you dueling her then you'll dueling me too, tough guy! :'''Valon''': Peachy. Then I’ll take both of you blokes on. Ha. ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' Pay attention, Mai. This is for you. :'''Duke''': Remember, Rebecca, don’t let him play the seal of Orichalcos. :'''Rebecca''': Got it. :'''Valon, Duke and Rebecca''': Let’s duel! <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :''[Valon defeats Rebecca Hawkins and Duke Devlin in their duel.]'' :'''Rebecca''': Fine, You won. Now leave us alone. :'''Duke''': Get lost. :'''Valon''': Very well then, I gotta message for Joey Wheeler, tell that punk he's next. ''[laughing, then spots at Mai hops on her motorcycle]'' Where are you going, Mai. :'''Mai''': I told you, I worked alone! ''[droves off]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Téa, do you see what I see? :'''Téa''': You mean all those weird lights? :'''Yami Yugi''': I fear it’s the great beast. The same thing happened when it emerged the first time. ''[thinking]'' ''We’re running out of time.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Yes, Great Leviathan. Keep feeding, my child. You’re almost ready. ''[evilly chuckling]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Inside the KaibaCorp Airplane where Seto and Mokuba sitting on the seat]'' :'''Mokuba Kaiba''': You think it’s true, Seto? I mean, could Yugi really have lost to one of Alister's partners in a duel? And does that mean he’s trapped somewhere now? :'''Seto Kaiba''': It just means Yugi’s not as perfect as everyone thinks he is, and he’s not worth my time. We’ve got more important things to do. ===''Flight of Fear'' [4.22-23]=== ====Part 1==== :''[Kaiba and Alister's rematch duel begins]'' :'''Alister''': As the challenger, I'll start! And I'll summon my Science Soldier in defense mode! That's all for now. :'''Seto''': How pathetic. My move! I summon X-Head Cannon in attack mode! Now, X-Head Cannon, attack! Looks like you're defenseless. :'''Mokuba''': ''[worried; thinking]'' If Alister plays that Seal of Orichalcos, Seto's in big trouble! :'''Alister''': No big deal. Watch this! I play Cyber Soldier of Dark World. And next, I'll place one card facedown and end my turn. :'''Seto''': What a joke! My move! I summon Y-Dragon Head in attack mode! Attack his Cyber Soldier of Dark World, now! And now, X-Head Cannon, attack his Life Points directly! :'''Mokuba''': ''[thinking]'' Alister's making this too easy. :'''Seto''': I think that's just about enough punishment for now. I end my turn. ''[sets a card facedown]'' :'''Alister''': You sound pretty confident, Kaiba, but you'll change your tune. You've been so pretty occupied with your own monsters, you forgot what I have waiting in my deck. I guess I'll have to remind you. It's the card I used on you last time and it changes the entire playing field! :'''Seto''': ''[realizes]'' Hold it! Did you just draw what I think you did, Alister?! ''[turns to Mokuba]'' Mokuba, GET BACK! :'''Alister''': ''[raises the card up in his hand which is The Seal of Orichalcos]'' I activate the Seal of Orichalcos! ''[laughs as the Seal of Orichalcos grows the circle which engulfs the room and knocks Mokuba away from it's boundary]'' :'''Seto''': Mokuba! ''[beams of green light shoot out of the plane and as Alister screams, the plane's controls end up being sabotaged, including the autopilot]'' This can't be real! ''[The Seal of Orichalcos rises Kaiba and Alister up to the top of the plane]'' What's going on, Alister? :'''Alister''': ''[with his eyes glowing red]'' I just needed some air, that's all. <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> ====Part 2==== <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Man''': Master Dartz, I've just received word from our business division. :'''Dartz''': Yes, go on. :'''Man''': The Takeover was a success. Congratulations, Master. Kaiba Corp now belongs to you. ===''Paradise Found'' [4.24]=== <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': I got the images, And my grandpa's looking them over now. :'''Yami Yugi''': Good. Let's meet up as soon as possible. Oh, And one more thing… I'm sorry. :'''Arthur Hawkins''': Rebecca, You can't blame the Pharaoh for what happened to Yugi. :'''Rebecca''': ''[looks at her grandfather worried]'' Huh? :'''Arthur''': There's far too much at stake for hurting his feelings. You must be so hard on him. Right now, We're all fighting a common enemy. And this data may be our only hope. :'''Rebecca''': ''[sadly]'' You're right. :'''Arthur''': Pharaoh, The quality of the images is much worse then I thought. Unless we clear up these photos I won’t be able to read much at all. :'''Seto Kaiba''': Set a course for Kaiba Corporation headquarters immediately. :'''Tristan''': Dude, are you nuts. :'''Tea''': Dartz and his gang must’ve taken over the place by now. :'''Seto Kaiba''': The only way we can process these images fast enough is by using computer system, so we have no choice. :'''Joey''': Say what?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Kaiba has a good point, Joey. :'''Joey''': He does? :'''Yami Yugi''': First, they took Pegasus away… and now they’ve taken over Kaiba's company. Which means we've got to stop these criminals before they make their next move, and we have no time to lose! :'''Seto Kaiba''': Wow… You're more hung ho than I expected. You know, since you lost your title and all. :'''Yami Yugi''': Kaiba, this fight is about so much more than a mere championship dueling title. Don’t you see!? People are getting hurt and the world's in danger! :'''Seto Kaiba''': Hmm. Blah, blah, blah. Don’t you get tired of making the same speech every time you’re faced with a challenge? Stop saving the world and get a hobby. :'''Yami Yugi''': Rebecca, we’ll meet you two at the pier. :'''Rebecca''': 10-4 we’ll see you there. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': Master Dartz. :'''Dartz''': Take a look, Rafael. Your friend wasn't careful. :'''Rafael''': ''[spots at Alister in stone]'' Alister. :'''Dartz''': Don't sound so displeased. He's better off where he is now. Alister's energy, along with our other prisoners', will fuel the great beast. The Pharaoh and his friends will be arriving shortly. I trust you'll give them a warm welcome, Hmm. :'''Rafael''': He won't escaped me this time. <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Seto Kaiba''': ''[to Roland and Fuguta sent a soulless Alister and soulless Rex Raptor to the Hospital]'' Take those two to the medical center. I'm feeling generous. :'''Roland and Fuguta''': Right. :''[The KaibaCorp helicopter takes off to take Alister and Rex to the Hospital.]'' :'''Mokuba Kaiba''': Good luck, guys. :'''Joey Wheeler''': Stay safe. :'''Yami Yugi''': Professor, I'm glad you're alright. :'''Joey''': Me too. Hey, hows was the road trip, guys? :'''Duke''': Could a been better. We hit a pretty big snag on the way. :'''Joey''': Flat tire? :'''Duke''': We ran into Mai and one of those freaks. The one that jumped in and ended your duel. :'''Joey''': That jerk. :'''Duke''': He's really got it in for you, man. and I'm afraid Mai's still on their side too. :'''Joey''': Grr. Just wait until ''I'' find him! :'''Rebecca''': Hey, any word yet on Yugi? We have to find him. If you don't get him back, I'll never forgive you. Plus we need him to fight these guys! :'''Yami Yugi''': I miss Yugi, too. and I promise I will rescue him. You have word. But I need to pay a little visit to KaibaCorp first. :'''Rebecca''': Let me come with you! You'll need some tech support. :'''Seto Kaiba''': Ha! This Isn't some kind of field trip, kid. But I guess you can tag along if you want. :'''Rebecca''': I'm no kid! :'''Seto Kaiba''': Whatever you say, kid. I don't know about you geeks. But I have a company to save. So whoever's coming with me, let's move. :'''Mokuba Kaiba''': OK. :'''Tea''': Good luck and be careful. :'''Yami Yugi''': Right. :'''Tristan''': Alright, Tea. We better tell the police what's going on. The way this is heading we're gonna need all the help we can get. :'''Tea''': Yeah, good point. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Policeman 1''': Why don't you start over and this time try telling the truth? :'''Tea''': Don't you understand? That is the truth. There's a motorcycle gang going around stealing people's souls with a magic card. :'''Policeman 1''': Ha! You kids watched too many cartoons. :'''Tristan''': We're serious. These guys are trying to take over the whole world. :'''Policeman 2''': Really... Tell me something young man... this so called "gang"... do they wear a symbol like this! <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Here I come you creeps! :'''Rebecca''': Hey! Whoa! :'''Duke''': Get back here, Joey! Come on, man, we need a plan first! <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': This is Valon, Go ahead. :'''Rafael''': ''[on radio]'' The Pharaoh's friends are heading your way. :'''Valon''': Good, Then is time for me to show Joey Wheeler who's boss. :'''Rafael''': Valon, wait! :''[Valon turns off the radio and hops on the motorcycle droves off on the way back to the city]'' :'''Valon''': ''I gotta prove me-self to Mai.'' :''[Tristan and Tea saw Joey was running in the streets in the middle of the night]'' :'''Tristan''': Look, Here comes Joey! :'''Tea''': And there he goes. :'''Tristan''': Hey! Come back! You're going the wrong way! :'''Tea''': He's heading straight for the zombie patrol. :'''Tristan''': Go warn the others, Tea! I gotta stop him! ''[rans off]'' :'''Tea''': Tristan! :'''Joey''': ''I'm coming for you, Dartz and I'm not leaving without Yugi and Mai!'' :''[To Be Continued...]'' ===''Fighting for a Friend'' [4.25-29]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Tristan Taylor''': Joey, Come back! I'm wearing the wrong shoes for this! Joey, stop! :'''Joey Wheeler''': ''[stops and spots at the Orichalcos soldier]'' What's that?! :'''Tristan''': Uh, Joey. :'''Joey''': Yeah? :'''Tristan''': Maybe we should start running again. :'''Joey and Tristan''': ''[screaming]'' :'''Tristan''': Hey, stop! :'''Young guy''': You ever here looking both ways?! ''[droves off]'' :'''Tristan''': Hey, Hold on! :'''Joey''': You're going the wrong way! :'''Tristan''': Turn back! :'''Young guy''': ''[spots at the Orichalcos soldier]'' Whoa! Mommy! ''[falls off the motorcycle]'' It's just a dream... It's just a dream. ''[whimping and running away]'' :'''Joey''': See ya! ''[he and Tristan runs off as the Orichalcos soldier chases them]'' We've never out run this thing! :'''Tristan''': Joey! :''[Joey punches the Orichalcos soldier but then it shatters]'' :'''Tristan''': You beat him. :'''Joey''': ''[spots at Valon]'' Actually, I think he did. Hold on! I know you! [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|You're the ''one'' that took Mai!]] :'''Valon''': Right you are, mate! ''[droves turns around away]'' :'''Joey''': Hey! Come back! ''[runs after Valon]'' :'''Tristan''': Joey, Not again! Come back! :'''Joey''': ''[notices a motorcycle]'' This will do the trick. ''[puts the helmet on]'' Now... ''[picks up the motorcycle and hops on]'' Time to chase him down and save Mai! ''[droves off to chase Valon.]'' :'''Tristan''': Are you nuts?! ''[confused]'' I guess so. He's riding right into a trap. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': ''[chucking]'' Keep fighting, my soldiers. We must continue to collect the souls of man and beast, Until we have amassed enough power to rebuild Atlantis. ''[evil laughing]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Meanwhile Tristan was running a middle of the streets looking for Joey.]'' :'''Tristan''': Joey! Where are you?! ''[Mai’s motorcycle light appears towards him]'' Is that you Joey? :'''Mai Valentine''': ''[takes her bike helmet off]'' Not quite but I am looking for him. :'''Tristan''': Look, Mai… :'''Mai''': Save it, Dweeb! ''I'' know ''you’re'' his babysitter so where is ''he?!'' :'''Tristan''': How should ''I know?!'' One of ''your'' little pals forced him into a game of ''cat and mouse'' and now ''he's'' gone! :'''Mai''': ''[gasps]'' It’s Valon! :'''Tristan''': This is all your fault, Mai! ''[Mai puts her helmet on]'' ''You’re'' the one who got Joey into this mess in the first place! :'''Mai''': Out of my way! ''[drove off]'' :'''Tristan''': Hey! '''Get back here!''' The last thing ''he'' needs right now is '''''you!''''' ''[Mai ignores him and he growls]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': Here we are, old chum. Glad you could make it. Now let's get down to business, shall we? :'''Joey Wheeler''': Look, pal I want Mai back. :'''Valon''': Then why chase me? She happens to have a mind of her own, you know. :'''Joey Wheeler''': ''She'' did. At least... ''She'' did before ''you'' guys brainwashed ''her!'' :'''Valon''': You don't get it, mate. No one was brainwashed! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Huh? :'''Valon''': Mai chose to join ''our'' side with her own free will. And do you want to know why? She was sick of taking a back seat while you got all the fame! Then I stepped in and changed all that. :'''Joey Wheeler''': You messed with her head, that's what you did! She was the one of my best friends! But the last time I saw her she was saying things that Mai never would have said. :''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#My_Freaky_Valentine|he and Mai's duel she chose to join Dartz's team]] flashback ends.]'' :'''Valon''': Wake up, Wheeler! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Who do you think you are!? and what do you what with me? You better start Explain yourself, now!? :'''Valon''': Okay, look, the name's Valon, I led you here to get rid of you for good, 'cause Mai ''can't'' be happy with you around! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Huh? and what does that mean? :'''Valon''': You're a constant reminder of what here life used to be, and Mai whats to forget all that! But as long as you still exist in this world, she be never be able to forget! So, I'm here to erase you for good! ''[thinking]'' ''Plus, I know that deep down, Mai still loves you. and I can't have that!'' So, what do you say, Wheeler? Do we have ourselves a duel or not? Not that I'm giving you much of a choice! ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' :'''Joey Wheeler''': You know what, Valon, I never back down from a challenge especially when I'm fighting for a friend! Now let's duel! ''[their life points to 4000, Joey and Valon's duel begins]'' You're going down, My move. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': ''[panting]'' All right. I'm officially lost. ''[panting]'' Phew. I guess I can pretty much forget about finding Joey now. ''[but the Orichalcos soldier behind him]'' Huh? ''[Orichalcos soldier roaring]'' AHHH! YOU AGAIN?! ''[gulp]'' Hi, remember me? :'''Duke''': Huh? ''[stop the car]'' Tristan! :'''Mokuba''': What's going on? :'''Tea''': Maybe we should get someone else behind the wheel. :'''Duke''': Tristan needs our help, Look! :'''Tea''': ''[looks at Tristan with Orichalcos soldier]'' Oh no! :'''Tristan''': Come on! I’m taking whatever you got! :'''Yami Yugi''': Go, Celtic Guardian! :''[Celtic Guardian attacks Orichalcos soldier]'' :'''Tristan''': Huh? :'''Yami Yugi/Téa/Rebecca''': Tristan! :'''Duke''': Hey! Are you alright?! :'''Tristan''': Huh? ''[sees The Pharaoh, Téa, Duke and Rebecca running towards him]'' Thanks, Pharaoh. You came in the nick of time. Of course, I could have taken him myself. :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm afraid the only thing that would have been taken is your soul had we arrived any later. :'''Tristan''': I know, so those things are working for Dartz. :'''Téa''': Hey, Where's Joey? I thought you guys were together? :'''Tristan''': We were, Until he decided to hop on some guy's motorcycle and take off after one of Dartz's little flunkies. :'''Duke''': ''[shocked]'' You're kidding! :'''Rebecca''': Oh no! Was it Valon? :'''Tristan''': Who? :'''Duke''': It's Valon. He's the young guy that Rebecca and I dueled. :'''Téa''': Is that a bad thing? :'''Rebecca''': Not only does [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Deck of Armor|Valon have a thing against Joey]], but he's got a deck full of monsters I've never seen before. :'''Yami Yugi''': Let's go. We have to find Joey before it's too late. :'''Seto Kaiba''': That chump's gonna have to wait 'cause we've got bigger problems. :'''Yami Yugi''': What do you mean? :'''Seto Kaiba''': Look around you! ====Part 2==== :'''Joey Wheeler''': No, Not that! :'''Valon''': Well, looks like you're starting to catch on, mate. I play the Seal of Orichalcos! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': We’re just getting started. By the end of this duel, you’ll be begging for mercy. Then your old buddy Mai will see what a pathetic chump you really are, and hopefully she’ll realize why she walked out on you in the first place so she can move on already! :'''Joey''': Watch it, Valon! :'''Valon''': Look, mate… All I’m watching out for is myself! And right now, the best thing for me is to get rid of you! 'Cause as long as you’re around, Mai's gonna be obsessed with dueling you. :'''Joey''': Hmm? :'''Valon''': That’s right. Since your last duel, all she talks about is a rematch. But I can’t let Mai put herself in that kind of danger again… So I got to you first. You see Wheeler, I’m not such a bad guy. We both what the same thing. We want Mai to be happy. :'''Joey''': Come on, Valon… Get real. Ha. If you really wanted Mai to be happy… You wouldn’t have brainwashed her in the first place! :'''Valon''': I told you, ''She'' chose to join us! :'''Joey''': No way! I know Mai, and ''she'' never would have walked out on us like that. Not unless someone messed with her head! And if you asked me, This Dartz guy is messing with all of your ''heads!'' :'''Valon''': Hmm? :'''Joey''': That orichalcos card ''he'' gave you has evil magic in it, and it makes everyone who holds it go nuts! :'''Valon''': Are you done? If you are, then allow me to tell you the truth. That orichalcos card did more for Mai than you ever could. She was weak, and it made her strong! She was lost, and it showed her the way! :''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|Dartz joins Mai to part of Doma organization]], Dartz welcoming Mai.]'' :'''Dartz''': Welcome to our family, Miss Valentine. Now go, and remember the Orichcalos is always with you. :''[Mai went to see Valon outside]'' :'''Valon''': So, how's it feel? You've got what you always wanted. :'''Mai''': Look, I appreciate you taking me here... ''[holds up "The Seal of Orichalcos" card]'' But don't think this means I owe you anything. :'''Valon''': What? :'''Mai''': I do things my way. And I have no interest in being part of some team, Valon. I already made that mistake once and you know where it got me?Absolutely Nowhere. So, no, thanks. :'''Valon''': ''[chuckles]'' I know what you mean. You and I are exactly the same, Valentine. :'''Mai''': Hmm? :'''Valon''': We're both loners. But you have to admit... Sometimes it's not all that fun. :''[Then [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#The_Creator_Returns|After she tooked Pegasus' soul]], she has a long face]''. :'''Valon''': Why the long face, Mai? You just accomplished your first mission with flying colors. :'''Mai''': Yeah, I know, Valon. But defeating Maximilion Pegasus meant nothing to me. :'''Valon''': Huh? :'''Mai''': There's only one person out there I need to take apart, and that chump is Joey Wheeler. :''[flashback ends]'' :'''Valon''': Mai can’t stand the sight of you. And neither can I, mate. So I plan to take you down for her. Once you’re out of the picture, she can move on to bigger and much better things. Like teaming up with me and leaving behind her past once and for all! :'''Joey''': No way, Valon. Mai would never want to get rid of me after what we’ve been through. We’re friends! ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 1)#Keith's Machination|Joey and Mai inside the castle at Duelist Kingdom]]. flashback ends]'' Mai has nothing in common with you. So she may be a little rough around the edges and she can have an attitude every once in a while, but she’d never join up with a bunch of low-lives who have some crazy plan to take over the world. :'''Valon''': We’ll just see. :'''Joey''': Whatever you guys did to her… I’m gonna undo as soon if I’m gonna win this… so why do we moved on! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': I know Valon's around here somewhere and I have to stop this duel now. I better be too late 'cause I’m gonna make Wheeler pay for what he did to me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': Let's try this again. ''[typing the laptop]'' Come on... ''[groans]'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': Hey! Any luck in there, Rebecca? :'''Tea Gardner''': You've asked five times. She's working as fast as she can. :'''Duke Devlin''': Aren't ''you'' the one who told us to have faith? :'''Tristan Taylor''': Why don't ''you'' get off my back, Duke! Joey's in trouble, and it we don't move fast things could get even worse! :'''Tea Gardner''': Take it easy, Tristan. :'''Tristan Taylor''': I can't, Tea! Don't you guys see that this whole thing is my ''fault''!? :'''Yami Yugi''': No, Tristan. :'''Tristan Taylor''': When Joey and I got [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#On_the_Wrong_Track|separated from you guys]], ''he'' told me about his plan, and I should have talked to him out of it then. :''[Flashes back to Joey and Tristan carry Rex Raptor on the railway tracks to find Tea and the Pharaoh, but Joey long face.]'' :'''Joey Wheeler''': I just figured it all out. :'''Tristan Taylor''': Figured what out? What are you talking about, Joey? :'''Joey Wheeler''': Why [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|Mai teamed up with those low-lives]]. It's 'cause I was a terrible friend. I let her down. :'''Tristan Taylor''': That's crazy. :'''Joey Wheeler''': But it's true. If Dartz maybe the one that brainwashed her. But I'm the one that drove her away in the first place. Now I gotta go and set things straight by finding these guys and breaking that spell! :'''Tristan Taylor''': But how? ''[confused]'' Aw, man. :''[cuts back to the present]'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': What was I thinking?! How could I let him do this?! :'''Tea Gardner''': Joey's got a mind of his own, Tristan. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' ''Let's just hope he's using with his legendary dragon the Claw of Hermos.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': My move! ''[draws the card]'' Look out! Now we’re taking. Let’s see stand up to this guy! ''[holds up the "Claw of Hermos" card]'' :''[To Be Continued…]'': ====Part 3==== :'''Tristan''': I can't wait around anymore! ''[grunting]'' Joey needs our help and ''he'' needs it now! :'''Téa''': Tristan, you must chill. :'''Duke''': Téa's right, Tristan. Without Kaiba's tracking system we have no hope of finding him. :'''Tristan''': Am I the only one here who understands what's going on? Joey may be losing his soul as we speak. Let's go! :'''Téa''': I didn't think of it like that. Maybe we should go. :'''Yami Yugi''': Not yet. We have to have faith that Rebecca can find him. Until then I know Joey can take care of himself. He's been in tough situations before. :'''Téa''': Not this tough. :'''Rebecca''': Hey, I did it! I finally found Joey. If this read out's right, Joey's not far, guys. :'''Yami Yugi''': All right, I'll takes this and track him down. You move the trailer to a safer place. :'''Tea''': Not so fast Pharaoh. ''[Pharaoh stops and looks at Tea and Tristan]'' You're not going alone. :'''Tristan''': That's right. We're all this together. :'''Yami Yugi''': I guess You've made up your minds. ''[smile]'' Thank you. Now let's go. :'''Rebecca''': Ahem. :'''Yami Yugi''': Rebecca, You stay here. Duke, can you keep an eye on them until we get back. :'''Duke''': You got it. :'''Rebecca''': No, I want to go, too. Come on, Grandpa. :'''Arthur''': Uh-uh We've got our own work to do. We need your talents back here. :''[Rebecca sighs]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Rebecca, as soon as Joey safe, we'll find Yugi. :'''Rebecca''': Promise me he's all right. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi's going to be just fine. I promise. Please, trust me. :'''Duke''': Come on, man, you don't have a second to lose, so go kick some butt and take names. :'''Yami Yugi''': Well, that's one way to put it. :'''Tristan''': Let's chit-chat later, OK. :'''Rebecca''': Good luck with everything. :'''Yami Yugi''': You, too. :'''Arthur''': If you need us, just call. :'''Yami Yugi''': Right. :''[They ran off together to find Joey]'' :'''Arthur''': Don't worry, Rebecca. ''[Rebecca looks at her grandfather]'' Yugi will be back here safe and sound in no time at all. :'''Rebecca''': But how do you know? :'''Arthur''': Because I believe in the Pharaoh, and you should too. :'''Rebecca''': Fine. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': ''[thinking]'' You're mine, Wheeler. <hr width="50%"/> :''[When Mai showed up and found Valon in the duel with Joey]'' :'''Valon''': Hey, Mai! You're just in time to catch the end of the greatest duel ever played. :'''Mai''': ''[takes off her helmet]'' You and I had a deal, remember!? Joey Wheeler's mine! ''[Orichalcos blocks her]'' Ah! :'''Joey''': Mai, no! :'''Mai''': Look, you've done enough, so why don't you take a hike and let me finish this!? :'''Valon''': Sorry, no can do. :'''Mai''': Huh? :'''Valon''': I'm having way too much fun out here to stop now. Plus this duel is no place for you. :'''Mai''': Why's that? :'''Valon''': There's too much at stake. I won't let you risk losing everything you have. That's why I challenged Joey Wheeler in the first place to protect you. I wanted to get rid of him so you'd be able to move on with your life, and that's exactly what I'm gonna do. :'''Joey''': Guess what, Mai. I'm fighting for same reason. :'''Valon''': Then let's get on with it! Shall we? I can't wait to see what you play next. :'''Joey''': You're gonna have to wait, Valon, 'cause I play one card face down and end my turn. :'''Valon''': Big mistake, pal. ====Part 4==== :''[Joey and Valon were engaged in an armored standoff in the middle of the Oricalchos field]'' :'''Joey''': It's time to activate Big Bang Dragon Blow's special effect! ''[Joey tributes Red-Eyes Black Dragon to make Big Bang Dragon Blow supercharged]'' By sacrificing my Red-Eyes, I made my armored fist even more powerful! Now it's able to destroy all your monsters and subtract their strength from your Life Points! ''[Big Bang Dragon Blow builds up pressure against Valon and Joey sends Valon flying away from the center and destroying his Armor monsters]'' :'''Valon''': ''[skids to a halt]'' You did it. You won. ''[panting and making his Life Points drop to 0]'' Congratulations. Goodbye. :'''Mai''': ''[gasps]'' It's my fault. :'''Valon''': Don't be silly, Mai. I caused my own downfall. I thought if I won I could make you forget about Joey Wheeler. But now I understand why he meant so much to you. The guy's got heart. :'''Mai''': Valon, wait. :'''Valon''': Hey Joey, It's up to you now, Saved Mai. :'''Mai''': Valon! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Great Leviathan... I sense the arrival of powerful soul. Let's see who, shall we? ''[spots at Valon in stone]'' Well... look what the orichalcos dragged in. My former employee. Now it's Miss Valentine's turn to send me a soul... or to give up her own. ''[evily laughter]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mai hold Valon's lifeless body, her eyes full of tears]'' :'''Mai''': Valon. Come back... Valon. :'''Joey''': It's too late. The Orichalcos has him now. ''[Mai remembers to flashbacks to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Deck of Armor|what Valon said]] flashback ends]'' Hey, Mai... We'll get him back. :'''Mai''': How could he do this? Valon's the one who told me you have to duel for yourself. Then he turns around and fights you to protect me? How pathetic. Hmm. He deserved this. :'''Joey''': What? Look, Mai, Valon realized what ''he'' told ''you'' was wrong. ''He'' found out what dueling is really about determination and heart. :'''Mai''': Hmm. :'''Joey''': He fought like a true duelist today. :'''Mai''': I thought you wanted to destroy him. :'''Joey''': Hold on, Mai, Valon may have annoyed me... but no one deserves to have their soul taken away and then held captive by some power-hungry psychopath! I don't care who they are! :'''Mai''': Ha. :'''Joey''': You know what, Mai... ''I'' realize something now. As long as that Orichalcos thing has control over your mind, I'll never be able to talk any sense into you! As a matter of fact, the only way I can save you at this point is to duel ''you!'' So, what do you say!? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': I see. So you beat this loser and now it's gone to your head? :'''Joey''': It isn't like that, Mai. :'''Mai''': Why else would you be dumb enough to challenge me a duel? You should have learned your lesson from our last match. :'''Joey''': The only way I can get through to you… is by dueling you! :'''Mai''': If you say so. ''[activates her chaos duel disk]'' :'''Mai and Joey''': Let's duel! ''[their life points to 4000]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': Finally, you're giving me a ''real'' challenge… but you're gonna have to do better than that! 'Cause before my Aero Nail goes to the graveyard, it's transferring its power to my other Harpie! :'''Joey''': Fine! I place one card facedown! Give me your best shot! :'''Mai''': You're pretty confident for someone who's about to lose! Now, stand back! My move! I drew it. :'''Joey''': Oh, no! :'''Mai''': Yup! The Seal of Orichalcos! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': We're both locked in the Seal and only ''one'' of us will escape! No one can come to your rescue now. It's just you, me, and the most powerful magic card that's ever been created! :'''Joey''': I know. I was expecting this. ====Part 5==== :'''Téa''': We gotta find him! :'''Tristan''': Joey! Where are you, man?! :'''Téa''': Hey are you down there?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Joey! Answer us?! :'''Téa''': Hello?! :'''Tristan''': I could swear that Orichalcos thing activated right here. :'''Téa''': Me, too. So why isn't it here now? Unless we're too late! :'''Tristan''': Don't say that, Téa! :'''Yami Yugi''': Hang in there, Joey! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Congratulations. You win. :''[Collapses from exhaustion]'' :'''Mai''': Joey, no! You're wrong. I never attacked so you didn't lose the duel. :'''Joey''': But, I'm too exhausted... to finish. :'''Mai''': I won't let the Orichalcos take you away, Joey. :'''Joey''': It's too late for that. I already lost the duel, so there's no turnin' back. I'm just glad that if one of us had to lose our soul, it didn't have to be you, Mai. :'''Mai''': Don't say that. :'''Joey''': Hey, Mai, that was one of the greatest duels I ever fought. Thank you. :''[His spirit is taken by the Seal, leaving Mai horrified]'' :'''Mai''': Joey! NO! :''[The fragment of the Orchicalcos on her [[w: choker |choker]] shatters]'' :'''Dartz''': She's been set free! ''[spots at Joey Wheeler in stone]'' Ah! But what's this? It seems miss Valentine has served her purpose. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mai hold Joey's lifeless body, her eyes full of tears]'' :'''Mai''': Joey, wait! SNAP OUT OF IT! This is all my fault! I was angry and confused, and I blamed all my loneliness on you! So I tried to get rid of you. How could I be so selfish? You're the only one who ever cared about me. ''[sobbing]'' You're the closest friend I ever had, and how did I repay you? By leaving you for a madman who promised me power. ''[grabs the Claw of Hermos card]'' I'll make him regret the day he ever met Mai Valentine! ''[she hops the motorcycle droves off back to Paradius leaving Joey behind next to Valon.]'' ''The only way to fix this is to meet Dartz face to face.'' :''[Mai arriving back to Paradius headquarters and looks up]'' :'''Mai''': Here goes nothing. :''[?]'' :'''Mai''': Hey Dartz! Is that you? :'''Rafael''': Guess again, Mai. :'''Mai''': Rafael! What do you want!? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Pharaoh, Tristan and Tea arrives and they found a soulless Joey.]'' :'''Tristan''': ''[shocked]'' No way! :'''Tea''': What happened? :'''Yami Yugi''': He lost the duel. :'''Tea''': Wait, Does that mean? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes his soul belongs to Dartz now. ===''Grappling with a Guardian'' [4.30-32]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Téa''': Joey, please say something? :'''Yami Yugi''': I don't think he can hear us. :'''Téa''': Then it's true. The Orichalcos took his soul. :'''Tristan''': When I get my hands on the person who did this to Joey, they're gonna wish they were never born! Wake up, man. :'''Téa''': Who did do this? ''[she looks at the soulless Valon]'' 'Cause by the looks of Valon, I have to say it wasn't him. So Tristan what's going on here? :'''Tristan''': Don't you see Tea? Joey must have defeated Valon and then Mai showed up. ''She'' did this to him. I'm sure of it! :'''Téa''': How could she? :'''Tristan''': Easily. She couldn't wait to get rid of Joey. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's true, Tristan, However, There's only one person we can really blame for all of this, and I think you know who I mean. He hides safely in his fortress while others do his dirty work. Well, not anymore. ''[rans off]'' :'''Téa''': Pharaoh, Wait! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' This all ends now, Dartz. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': ''[voice-over, evilly laughing]'' We've been expecting you, Pharaoh. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Pharaoh looks at soulless Mai in the elevator]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[gasps]'' Mai? Mai, say something. She must have been in a duel, and it appears she lost both the duel and her soul belongs to Dartz now. I must put an end to this. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': Well, It's about time you showed up for our rematch. :'''Yami Yugi''': This doesn't concern you, Rafael. I'm here to see Dartz. Is your master so much of a coward that he sent you to do his battles for him? :'''Rafael''': Not quite. You owe me something. But first. ''[holds a card and he catches the card to the Pharaoh]'' Why don't you take this? :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[spots the Claw of Hermos card]'' It's the Claw of Hermos. Joey's card. So you're the one who defeated Joey, aren't you? :'''Rafael''': Actually, Mai beat Joey, then ''I'' defeated her. :'''Yami Yugi''': But why? Wasn't Mai on ''your'' side? :'''Rafael''': I never trusted her, and turns out I was right all along. ''[Flashback to his and Mai's duel inside Paradius; voice-over]'' After she took [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fighting for a Friend|Joey's soul]], ''she'' turned on us. :'''Mai''': I've had it with your ridiculous world domination mumbo jumbo and I want out! It's time for Dartz to answer for what ''he'' made ''me'' do to Joey. Let's see how ''he'' likes it when the orichalcos captures ''him!'' :'''Rafael''': You sure you don't wanna take that back? Dartz isn't exactly known for his sense of humor. :'''Mai''': So? :'''Rafael''': Then you leave me no ''choice.'' It's my duty to protect him, so goodbye to ''your'' soul. ''[activates his chaos duel disk and Mai activates her chaos duel disk, voice-over]'' Biggest mistake ''she'' ever made. :''[Rafael defeats Mai and she screaming as the orichalcos claims her soul away.]'' :'''Mai''': Joey! I'm sorry, I tried my best. ''[collapses and drops the Claw of Hermos card.]'' :'''Rafael''': ''[voice-over]'' Unfortunately, her best wasn't good enough. :''[the flashback ends]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': This madness has to stop. Just think of how many innocent lives have been destroyed. You may be next. :'''Rafael''': Do you think I really care? I made a commitment to help Master Dartz save the planet from crumbling at the hands of people like you, and if keeping my promise means giving up my own soul, well, then so be it, 'cause even if I'm captured, I'll be doing my part by giving the Great Leviathan the strength it needs to restore peace to the world once again. :'''Yami Yugi''': Wake up, Rafael! Can't you see that your so-called Master Dartz is just using you to satisfy his own selfish needs? If you really what to save the world, then stop fighting me and join ''my'' side. :'''Rafael''': As soon as the great beast is revived, I'm afraid your side will no longer exist, Pharaoh, and all it needs to get started is one more strong soul. :'''Yami Yugi''': Oh no. It's true. :'''Rafael''': You better believe it. as we speak, the Great Leviathan lurks in the shadows all over the earth. And as soon as I defeat you, your life energy will be offered to the beast, giving it the strength it needs to fully cross over into our world. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Tristan and Tea running the streets Tristan carried Joey]'' :'''Tristan''': Why did the Pharaoh take off liked that? :'''Téa''': He must've gone after Dartz for what happened to Yugi. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': As we speak, the most devastating creature that ever lived is waiting to rise again. All it needs now is your soul, and the Sacred Seal of Orichalcos will take care of that once I take you down. Of course, ''I'' already defeated you once, but somehow ''you'' were able to cheat me by switching places with ''someone'' else. ''[Flashes back to [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Fate_of_the_Pharaoh|their last duel as the Seal took Yugi]].]'' Don't even think about trying to pull a stunt like that gain, Pharaoh. I don't appreciate being lied to, and besides, there's no one for you to hide behind this time, 'cause now it's just you and me. The winner leaves a free man. The loser becomes a prisoner to the beast! :'''Yami Yugi''': You're on! If that's what it takes to set my friends free, then let's duel! And once you're out of my way, I can go straight for Dartz! It's just a shame that a duelist with your talents has to throw it all away by following a madman. :'''Rafael''': Look, Master Dartz opened me up the truth and made me who I am today. You're just jealous because you don't have one of these, right? ''[holds up the Seal of Orichalcos card]'' Well, not anymore, anyway. :'''Yami Yugi''': You can't tempt ''me'' with that again, Rafael. :'''Rafael''': I wasn't planning on it, but you can have one last look at it while you shuffle my deck… for old time's sake. :'''Yami Yugi''': I know what you're trying to do, and it won't work. I won't give in to my dark side! :'''Rafael''': We'll see about that. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' I must stay true to my heart, no matter what he tries to do. :''[The two shuffle their decks]'' :'''Rafael''': May the best man win...and when I do, you'll be gone forever. I'm gonna enjoy this. :'''Pharaoh and Rafael''': Time to Duel! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' I'm surprised he didn't play the Seal of Orichalcos right away. Perhaps he's toying with me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': Now I play Butterfly Dagger. This weapon gives my Backup Gardna 300 extra attack points. It also allows me to summon my Guardian Elma. :'''Yami Yugi''': I've never seen that Guardian monster. :'''Rafael''': There are plenty of monsters in my deck you've never seen, and this one lets me bring my Guardian Shield back from the graveyard. And I'll give it to Guardian Elma. Plus, my Backup Gardna's special ability transfers my Butterfly Dagger to Guardian Elma. Now, Guardian Elma… attack his Queen's Knight! Guardian Grarl, it's your turn now! Attack his King's Knight with Gravity Axe! What now, Pharaoh? What puny knight stands between me and your Life Points? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' He gave up his own strength to save his monster! ''[speaking]'' I'll place two cards face down and end my turn. ''[thinking]'' I've never come across a duelist like him before. He refuses to let any of his monsters go to the card graveyard. He protects them at all costs! Why would a duelist like this hold a card like the Seal of Orichalcos? ''[speaking]'' Rafael, don't you understand what's going on here? As long as you're loyal to Dartz, you'll never be true to yourself. You have too much respect for your cards to use them for such an evil purpose. But Dartz has brainwashed you into believing you're someone else! :'''Rafael''': The only thing Master Dartz did was open my eyes to the truth. :'''Yami Yugi''': You're ''wrong!'' :'''Rafael''': This world is an evil place, and ''you're'' part of the problem. So I'm here to fix that. And thanks to my master, I have just the tool to do it. Now, I play the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Yami Yugi''': NO, RAFAEL! PLEASE, DON'T! :'''Rafael''': Sorry, Pharaoh, it's too late for that now. Your fate is sealed! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Téa''': Hey look guys. It's Mai. :'''Mokuba''': ''[looks at soulless Mai]'' Oh, man. Don't tell me you guys she lost her soul too. :'''Tristan''': I don't mean to sound insensitive, but who's carrying her? :'''Yami Yugi''': You're making a mistake! RAFAEL! NO! ====Part 2==== :'''Rafael''': This time the Seal belongs to me! :'''Yami Yugi''': What were you thinking, Rafael? Now one of us is going to lose his soul. :'''Rafael''': That's the whole point, Pharaoh. The Great Leviathan needs power, and once I take you down and capture your soul, that legendary creature will have the strength it needs to awaken. :'''Yami Yugi''': We'll see. :'''Tristan''': That's the same guy who beat Yugi last time! :'''Seto Kaiba''': ''[shocked]'' What?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': It's time to bring out my ultimate monster, but first I'll play this card, Celestial Sword - Eatos! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' The Sword of Eatos? This can only mean one thing: he's about to summon Guardian Eatos! :'''Rafael''': Now I'll draw two cards. The time has come to play the card that beat you last time. It's my Guardian Eatos! :'''Yami Yugi''': I have to act quickly! With 500 Life Points left, I don't have much time! ''[Guardian Eatos soon becomes infected by the darkness of the Orichalcos]'' Look what you've done to your Guardian! It's been consumed by darkness! :'''Rafael''': Exactly, and it's more powerful than ever now. Nothing can stop it. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Guardian Eatos tries to destroy Yugi's Dark Magician with her Celestial Sword and it breaks, cutting her attack points back to 3000]'' :'''Rafael''': ''[shocked]'' Say what?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Allow me to clear things up for you. A few moments ago, I sent three monsters to my graveyard, one of which saved me. That card was this, my Electromagnetic Turtle! When this monster was destroyed, it created an electromagnetic barrier, shielding my magician from your attack. :'''Rafael''': No way. He had that planned all along! :'''Tristan''': In your face, meathead! :'''Rafael''': ''[thinking]'' The Pharaoh's gonna pay for mocking the power of my Guardian Eatos. ''[speaking]'' I END MY TURN! :'''Yami Yugi''': Perhaps you should've thought twice before you poisoned your own monsters with the dark powers of the Orichalcos. Take it from someone with experience. Betraying your monsters only backfires in the end. :'''Rafael''': You played the Seal of Orichalcos once and all of a sudden you're an expert of the subject? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': You can't win a duel with defense, Pharaoh. All you're doing is stalling for time. Well, I'm afraid your time's just run out. Eatos, destroy his most valuable monster, the Dark Magician! :'''Tristan''': Oh, no! :'''Téa''': Pharaoh! :'''Mokuba''': Do something! :'''Yami Yugi''': Magical Hats, activate! Hide my monsters! :'''Rafael''': What's going on?! :'''Tristan''': Awesome! Magical Hats shuffled Yugi's monsters so Blondie blasted the wrong one. :'''Mokuba''': That's true, but he gets to attack again, so Yugi's magician's still in danger! :'''Yami Yugi''': All right, one of these three remaining hats is concealing my monster, so go ahead! Hit me with your best shot! :'''Rafael''': ''[thinking]'' Three hats and one monster. I know what I have to do. I'll use Elma to improve my odds, then I'll send Grarl to finish things off. ''[speaking]'' Go, Elma! Find his Dark Magician! ''[Guardian Elma strikes her butterfly dagger at the second hat]'' Now I have a 50-50 shot. Guardian Grarl, attack! :''[Guardian Grarl punches the third hat with his fist, Dark Magician appears from the last hat]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Wrong hat! :'''Rafael''': Oh, no! :'''Yami Yugi''': What a shame. Looks like you used up all of your chances. :'''Rafael''': ''[thinking]'' How could I have messed that up?! I was about to win the duel and capture the Pharaoh! ''[speaking]'' My turn's not over yet! I activate my Rod of Silence! This lets me play another Guardian monster, my all-powerful Guardian Kay'est! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After the Pharaoh destroys Guardian Eatos with his Amulet Dragon, Guardian Dreadscythe appears on the field]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[horrified shock]'' What's that?! :'''Téa''': ''[terrified]'' I've got one word: nasty! :'''Tristan''': Here's four: I'm gonna be sick. :'''Yami Yugi''': For the last time, what is that thing?! :'''Rafael''': I told you-- when Eatos goes to the graveyard, '''''this''''' monster is summoned to the field in its place. So say hello to my Guardian Dreadsycthe! :'''Yami Yugi''': Hello and goodbye. It's no match for my dragon! :'''Rafael''': It will be. First, I'll boost its strength with my Reaper Scythe magic card. Now, for the best part, thanks to its new weapon, my Guardian of darkness gains 500 attack points for every monster in my graveyard. :'''Yami Yugi''': But why? I thought you despised having monsters in your graveyard! :'''Rafael''': But I despise ''you'' even more, so what's a few monsters in the grave if it means destroying you forever? And with only 500 Life Points left, you won't last long. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': I know first-hand what the Oricalchos does to a person's heart and I can help you. Think, when Earls was destroyed, you released your anger on your other monsters. You left the Oricalchos feed on your rage like I did. :'''Rafael''': So? What's your point? :'''Yami Yugi''': That this isn't who you really are. The darkness within you has taken control, and now you must face that darkness head on. It's the only way for you to save yourself. :'''Rafael''': ''You'' need to be saved. :'''Yami Yugi''': If you don't believe my words, then maybe this will convince you! :'''Rafael''': What are you holding? :'''Yami Yugi''': A card that forces you to take a closer look at yourself-- Underworld Circle! :'''Rafael''': What on earth does that do? :'''Yami Yugi''': BEHOLD! It's time to take some responsibility for what you've done, Rafael! Underworld Circle, activate! ====Part 3==== :'''Yami Yugi''': First, I'll use the magic of Underworld Circle to bring my Big Shield Gardna back from the graveyard! Then, I'll activate my Pot of Greed! This let me draw two cards. ''[thinking]'' Excellent. That's just the card I've been waiting for! ''[speaking]'' Time to face what you did… when you betrayed your heart! For now, I activate the magic card, Spider Web, which let me use a card from your graveyard! :'''Rafael''': What's the point of all this? :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm using my Spider Web to bring back your Monster Reborn card. And I'm planning on using it to save you by setting you free from the darkness! :'''Rafael''': Yeah, whatever. :'''Yami Yugi''': I use Monster Reborn to revive a creature that once saved your life and that you in turn, deserted! ''[resurects Guardian Eatos]'' :'''Rafael''': Eatos?! :'''Téa''': What's he gonna do with that card? :'''Mokuba''': Hopefully win. :'''Yami Yugi''': One more thing. ''[thinking]'' Joey… I can only accomplish this with your help. ''[speaking]'' I summon The Claw of Hermos! :'''Tristan''': Hey, Joey! Check it out, man! He just summoned your boy! :'''Yami Yugi''': And now, Hermos and Queen's Knight, combine together to form Goddess Bow! That doubles the attack points of Guardian Eatos! And since Eatos has been removed from your graveyard, your Dreadscythe gets weaker! :'''Rafael''': What are you up to? Our monsters are even now. So if you attack, they're both destroyed. But mine comes back! :'''Yami Yugi''': We'll see about that! I have a few more surprises planned! Eatos attack his Dreadscythe, NOW! I activate the special ability of my Goddess Bow! Now every time your Dreadscythe revives itself, Eatos can attack again! :'''Rafael''': No! :'''Yami Yugi''': And don't forget, with each attack, you lose another card! :'''Mokuba''': Of course! If Rafael runs out of cards, his monster can't come back! :'''Yami Yugi''': The dark flame of your Dreadscythe is now extinguished. ===''A Duel with Dartz'' [4.33-38]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Rafael''': Go! Hurry! Stop him! Stop Dartz! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Yes come home my children. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': Dude, what's with all these people chiseled in stone? :'''Téa''': They're just any people! Take a look! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[spots at Yugi, Joey, Mai, Pegasus, Weevil, Rex, Alister, Valon and all many people in stone]'' Oh, no! There's Mai and Weevil! :'''Tristan''': This must be everyone who lost their soul! :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi! :'''Dartz''': ''[voice-over]'' What a touching reunion. Too bad your friends turned out to be a bunch of stiffs. ''[laughing evilly and reveals himself from fire]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Dartz! :'''Dartz''': You were expecting someone else? Well, due to the carelessness of my employees, ''I'm'' the only one left. You can't find good help these days. :'''Kaiba''': Look, I want my company back, so can the small talk! :'''Dartz''': Is that so? Well, guess what? We all want something. As for me, I want your souls for my wall. I even have the spot picked out. :'''Kaiba''': Save it, Dartz! It'll take a lot more than a few party tricks to scare me! :'''Yami Yugi''': Now, for the last time, release our friends! :'''Dartz''': That's not possible. :'''Yami Yugi''': What do you mean? :'''Dartz''': I mean they've already been put to use. As we speak, their life energy supplies to the most devastating creature that ever lived. :'''Téa''': Oh, great. Now, what? :'''Dartz''': My 10,000 year old collection is almost complete. Once I get you two, the beast can rise. :'''Yami Yugi''': Hold on! You've been collecting souls for all those years?! Do you know how many lives you've destroyed?! :'''Dartz''': ''[snickers evilly]'' Millions! And each one of them deserved their fate! Take a moment to look around, won't you? Some of my favorite conquests are in this very room. And since it's taken me millennia to complete, it's quite the history lesson. :'''Tea''': He's right. Look at the outfits on these guys. :'''Mokuba''': So some of these people lived in the past? :'''Dartz''': Now you're catching on. Ever since the Great Leviathan was laid to rest, I've been gathering the energy necessary to fuel its rebirth. :'''Kaiba''': Come on, you expect us to believe that junk? :'''Dartz''': Ye of little faith. Just duel me and I promise I'll make a believer out of you, For when you lose, there will be no denying my power. :'''Kaiba''': Then let's stop talking and start dueling. :'''Yami Yugi''': You can't, Kaiba-- not alone. This lunatic is far too dangerous. :'''Dartz''': So why don't you join him? And when I defeat you, ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' I'll get two souls for the price of one! :'''Yami Yugi''': All right. Ready, Kaiba? :'''Kaiba''': I'm way ahead of you. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Meanwhile… Rafael puts a soulless Valon on the back of the jeep along a soulless Mai on front seat]'' :'''Rafael''': Don't worry, I'll save you both. Mark my words, Dartz is gonna pay. <hr width="50%"/> :''[After the Pharaoh and Kaiba summon Blue-Eyes White Dragon and Black Luster Soldier, both monsters with 3000 attack points]'' :'''Mokuba''': All right! Dartz better watch out! They just summoned two major league monsters on their first turn! :'''Dartz''': Those pathetic creatures may work in your little card tournaments, but I'm afraid ''I'' play a completely different game-- a game in which the winner takes ALL, and the loser pays the ultimate price! This card was born from the darkness itself! ''[echoes]'' Behold, a power that has existed since the dawn of time. The very power that shall strip you of your souls! ''[plays the Seal of Orichalcos]'' :'''Kaiba''': Oh, no! :'''Yami Yugi''': The Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Mokuba''': Whoa. Do you feel that? :'''Tristan''': If you mean the sudden drop in temperature and that freaky evil vibe in the air, then yes, I do. :'''Téa''': ''[worried]'' Me too. :'''Dartz''': Now that I've set the tone for this duel, allow me to continue. Watch this… Arise, Orichalcos Gigas! :'''Yami Yugi''': I faced this beast before, and it was almost impossible to destroy, Kaiba. :'''Kaiba''': That's 'cause last time you didn't have me to bail you out. :'''Dartz''': Next, I'll sacrifice 500 of my Life Points. That let's me summon my Orichalcos Kyutora. And, thanks to the Seal, it gets an additional 500 points. All right. I guess that'll do for now. ====Part 2==== :''[Dartz, Yami Yugi, and Kaiba hovering above the city of Atlantis]'' :'''Dartz''': Behold, the lost city of Atlantis and all its glory. Just as it was 10,000 years ago, a perfect civilization or so I thought. Surrounded by oceans as far as the eye could see, we were isolated from the rest of the world. :''[A scene depicts the once glorious city of Atlantis and all of Earth's creatures]'' :'''Dartz''': Our lives were simple, we existed side by side with all of Earth's creatures and we knew nothing of violence. But, then that changed. :''[a meteor shower rains upon Atlantis]'' :'''Dartz''': Darkness ascended upon us and a strange substance rained down from the heavens. A substance that will change our lives. :'''Yami Yugi''': The Orichalcos. :'''Kaiba''': Please tell me that story time is over, I'd like to duel. :'''Dartz''': The tale of my past directly affects the fate of your future. So if I were you, I pay close attention. :''[it seems the city of Atlantis had changed]'' :'''Dartz''': Now thanks to the stones of the Orichalcos, the people of Atlantis needed advancement in technology that were never before imagine. And soon, I ruled over the most highly developed civilization the world had ever known. However, with progress comes greed and eventually violence, I knew what had to be done. But, my father, former king Ironheart had different ideas. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[shocked]'' Ironheart was your father?! But how? :'''Kaiba''': If you ask questions, this ridiculous story is never going to end. :'''Dartz''': That old fool never had what took to be king and on my 21st birthday, he allowed me to take over and filled his unimpressive shoes. So as technology continued to advance and the hearts of my people continued to seek deeper into the darkness. It was up to me to remedy the situation, the citizens of Atlantis were growing more and more selfish. And if I didn't act soon, I would lose complete control, but even I couldn't have imagine what would happen next. :''[The Orichalcos began to show the true nature of the Atlanteans]'' :'''Dartz''': The Orichalcos began to test us, it revealed the truth about who we were. :''[The people of Atlantis are beginning to turn into monsters]'' :'''Dartz''': Those who were wicked on the inside became wicked on the outside. :''[Meanwhile, Iona is struggling]'' :'''Dartz''': Iona, are you all right? :'''Dartz''': Wait, come back! What's going on?! :''[Dartz soon finds out that his beloved wife also turned into a monster]'' :'''Dartz''': Iona! :'''Dartz''': I didn't realize it first, but the true colors of my people were revealed to me that day. :'''Dartz''': But why? Why is this happening? :''[a bright green light appears in the water fountain]'' :'''Dartz''': I couldn't understand how a society as perfect as ours could crumble like this. :''[He picks up an Orichalcos stone]'' :'''Dartz''': But soon the Orichalcos would answer all my questions. The people of Atlantis were evil and I have been chosen to wipe them out and start over again. But I couldn't accomplish such a task on my own, I was but one man so the Orichalcos gave me a gift, something powerful enough to lead my fight against mankind. For deep below the Earth's surface lives the most incredible creature ever lived, the Great Leviathan! And it was mine, and shortly that this great beast will return to finish what it began! :'''Dartz''': I was ready to begin my task of recreating civilization on Earth, but one person stood in my way. :''[A scene where Ironheart, Chris, and Skye are in the throne room]'' :'''Ironheart''': My son, you know what you have to do. Destroy those Orichalcos stones so we can return the light we once knew. :''[Dartz sitting on his throne with a gold eye]'' :'''Dartz''': ''[laughs]'' Do you honestly believe that we can go back to the way things were. It's too late for that, Father. :'''Ironheart''': But, Dartz... :'''Dartz''': The true nature of our people have been exposed. We now know that the citizens of this planet are evil and must be destroy! :'''Ironheart''': What?! :'''Dartz''': You heard me, old man! We should be thanking the Orichalcos for showing us the truth. Not blaming it for the faults of mankind, but this mysterious substance that rained down above us had open up my eyes. Not only has it showed me what's wrong, it's given me the tools to fix it. For now I have the power to awaken a mighty creature known as the Great Leviathan! And by the power of the Orichalcos, this beast will rise up from the depths of the earth and fight by my side! And when I'm through, I shall rebuild civilization! :''[The stones have summoned an army of Orichalcos soldiers]'' :'''Ironheart''': Dartz! What's going on?! :''[Dartz laughs evilly]'' :'''Dartz''': Meet my Orichalcos soldiers! :'''Chris''': ''[scared]'' Grandpa, I'm scared! :'''Dartz''': If you join my side, you have nothing to fear. If not, farewell. :'''Ironheart''': We'll never join you! Never! Let's go, Chris! :''[They escape from the throne room]'' :'''Dartz''': Have it your way. :''[Dartz appears on his balcony and addresses his army]'' :'''Dartz''': The time has come to cleanse the world of its impurities! So arise my children and conquer the people of Earth! And this planet shall be yours! :''[Meanwhile Ironheart, Chris, and Skye are walking from their city and they enter a cave]'' :'''Chris''': What are we going to do, Grandpa? :'''Ironheart''': Your father is under the control of an evil force and he must be stopped. The future of our planet depends on it. Through there, hurry! :''[Chris and Skye suddenly runs through an carving of monsters on the walls]'' :'''Chris''': What's there? Why are those monsters carved in stone? :'''Ironheart''': We've come here to ask for their help. :''[The scene depicts the battle of Atlantis between Dartz's Orichalcos army and Ironheart's army of monsters]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': And so the Battle of Atlantis began! You see my father had opened up a gateway to the Dominion of the Beasts and he used the monsters within to form an army of his own. :'''Yami Yugi''': Tell me, what was the battle's outcome? :'''Dartz''': Neither side were victorious and Atlantis sunk to the bottom of the sea. My father's monster army were scattered around the world and sealed away until they be needed again. The Leviathan was drained of its power and also sealed away. It's taken me 10,000 years to gather the energy necessary to bring it back. All that's left of me to do is to defeat you two in this duel. Then your souls will awaken the Great Leviathan and my plan will finally come to pass. :'''Kaiba''': Hold on! We already defeated you! Our Master of Dragon Soldier should've wipe out the rest of your life points. :'''Dartz''': Perhaps it should have, but I'm afraid it didn't. Your pathetic attack failed short of its target. So this duel is still on. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Orichalcos Gigas, return! :'''Yami Yugi''': I told you, Kaiba. Each time his Gigas is destroyed, it comes back even stronger! :'''Dartz''': Face it, you'll never defeat me! The power of the Orichalcos will swallow you both! Now back to the duel. Since my Gigas returned to me, I can't draw a card. But no matter, everything I need is in my hand. So I'll enhance the power of the Seal with this-- the magic of Orichalcos Deuteros! ''[laughs evilly]'' :'''Kaiba''': What's going on?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Somehow he's made the Seal of Orichalcos stronger! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Dartz activates the Orichalcos Deuteros spell card, adding another layer to the Seal of Orichalcos]'' :'''Dartz''': Gentlemen, welcome to the second level of darkness! :'''Kaiba''': The what?! :'''Yami Yugi''': I don't know how. But Dartz just added another layer to the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Tea''': Right! So what does that mean? :'''Dartz''': The first benefit of my Orichalcos Deuteros, is the addition of 500 Life Points each turn for every monster I have on the field. Therefore, since I have two, that's 1,000 points! :'''Kaiba''': What?! How are we supposed to wipe him out?! :'''Dartz''': You're not. It makes me invincible! Next, I'll attack your Master of Dragon Soldier! Go, my Orichalcos Gigas! :'''Yami Yugi''': Nice try! But my dragon's too strong! :'''Dartz''': Kyutora, absorb ''all'' the damage! ''[chuckles]'' My Life Points are safe. And now, my Gigas returns! :'''Tristan''': That creep! He's letting his Orichalcos Gigas get its butt kicked on purpose, so it can come back stronger! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' That can't be it. His monster would have to be destroyed seven more times before it could defeat my dragon. So there must be more to his plan. Perhaps the secret lies in his Kyutora, and its ability to absorb attack damage. Yes! That creature must have another special ability! :'''Kaiba''': All right, Dartz, my move! ''[thinking]'' As long as that eyesore is on the field, it's pointless to attack his Orichalcos Gigas because Dartz won't lose any Life Points. Plus, Gigas will just come back stronger. But if I attack Dartz directly, I should be able to win the duel! ''[speaking]'' I place one card facedown on the field! And next… I summon my Blade Knight! And since I have only one card left in my hand, Blade Knight gets another 400 attack points! I think that'll do for now. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' He's setting himself up for something. :'''Kaiba''': ''[thinking]'' Yugi better not screw this up for me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kaiba''': Oh, no! That attack was supposed to hit Dartz, not his monster! :'''Yami Yugi''': It's a force field! But how did he create it? :'''Dartz''': By using the second layer of the Seal, of course. Whenever my Life Points are targeted, my Orichalcos Deuteros steps in to defend me. It's simple. ''I'' make a sacrifice so that your monster takes the hit! You know what that means, right? Your dragon just attacked itself! ====Part 3==== :'''Dartz''': So tell me, Gentlemen, what do you think of my newest soldiers? I'm sure there's no need for any introductions. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's not funny, Dartz. :'''Dartz''': Maybe not to you. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's enough. :'''Kaiba''': Just drop the magic act and let's duel. :'''Dartz''': But we are dueling, you insensible twit. We're just doing it by my rules, that's all. Since I now control the souls of your former friends, I thought it would be fun to let them play along with us. :'''Téa''': Leave them alone! :'''Tristan''': What did they do to you?! :'''Dartz''': You should be thanking me. :'''Yami Yugi''': And why's that? :'''Dartz''': I'm giving you one last chance to see your companions. Before their souls are gone forever. :'''Yami Yugi''': You'll never take them away from us, Dartz! :'''Dartz''': That's right, Pharaoh. Let your anger consume you. Feel the darkness within you beginning to spread. The stronger your rage, the more powerful the Great Leviathan will be when it absorbs your soul. Now where we? Ah, yes. Mirror Knight Yugi. It's time to attack your other half. :'''Yami Yugi''': No, Yugi! Fight it! I know you can hear me! :''[Yugi struggles to fight against Dartz's command]'' :'''Dartz''': What's this? My soldier is still loyal to you? How touching. [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Self_Destruction|Even though you turned your back on him, he refuses to seek revenge]]. That will soon change. :'''Yami Yugi''': We'll see. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Kaiba! :'''Kaiba''': Just save it! That second-rate chump has held me back for the last time! Different Dimension Dragon Attack! :'''Yami Yugi''': No! Don't do this! :'''Kaiba''': Too late! :''[Knight Yugi's shield disintegrates]'' :'''Kaiba''': No way! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': You don't look happy to see me, and after all we've been through. Where's the love? Don't answer that. I've heard enough lies from ''you''. The Pharaoh opened me up to the truth. :'''Dartz''': Really? :'''Rafael''': Yeah, really. Thanks to him, [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Grappling_with_a_Guardian|I was able to escape the seal of orichalcos with my soul still intact]] unlike them and everyone else you used. Now set them free before you end up on that wall. :'''Dartz''': Your soul may have been spared, but it sounds like the orichalcos took what was left of your brain. :'''Rafael''': What's that supposed to mean? :'''Dartz''': It means you're more gullible than ever. Do you honestly think the darkness that once controlled you is gone? :'''Rafael''': Yes. The Pharaoh set me free. :'''Dartz''': Did he... Hmm. Or did he just trick you the way you think I did? :'''Rafael''': Stop it! You're messing with my head. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Rafael, You mustn't listen to him. :'''Rafael''': Everything is your fault. ''You'' took ''me'' from my family. :'''Dartz''': I needed your anger, your thirst for revenge. :'''Rafael''': ''[enraged]'' '''YOU RUINED MY LIFE, YOU MONSTER!''' ====Part 4==== :'''Dartz''': It's time to reinforce the sacred Seal with its most powerful layer thus far! Behold the ancient magic of my Orichalcos Tritos! ''[adds a third layer to the Seal of Orichalcos]'' Welcome to level 3, gentlemen. :'''Yami Yugi''': How can the Seal possibly get any stronger?! :'''Dartz''': We're dealing with a force greater than the darkest shadows and older than time itself. Does that answer your question? :'''Mokuba''': Whoa! :'''Téa''': His Life Points are out of control! :'''Dartz''': Orichalcos Malevolence, use your special ability to switch Kaiba's dragon into attack mode! So I'm afraid this is goodbye. With an attack strength of only 1400, your dragon is far too weak to defend your Life Points. :'''Kaiba''': So that means… :'''Yami Yugi''': You lose! :'''Dartz''': Now my beast, bring Kaiba's soul to me! :'''Kaiba''': Wrong! I activate my Shrink card! :'''Dartz''': ''[chuckles and the third layer of the Seal destroys Kaiba's magic card]'' Is it beginning to sink in yet? When used properly, the Seal of Orichalcos is unmatched by any other card in the game! And due to its third layer, your magic and trap cards are useless against me! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Kyutora has ''another'' ability! Whenever it's destroyed, it '''''evolves!''''' :''[Orichalcos Kyutora is destroyed and Orichalcos Shunoros appears]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Oh, no! What's going on?! :'''Kaiba''': What is that?! :'''Dartz''': My little friend is all grown up, so playtime's over! Gentlemen, I'd like you meet Orichalcos Shunoros! :'''Kaiba''': Did you see what I see?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Unfortunately. :'''Téa''': See what? :'''Tristan''': That thing's got 20,000 points! :'''Dartz''': Don't look so surprised. ''You're'' the ones who created this unstoppable beast! You may have destroyed my previous monsters, but you unleashed something far worse! :'''Yami Yugi''': It can wipe us out in one strike! :'''Dartz''': You're absolutely right, but before I do that, I have some more bad news to share. Orichalcos Shunoros, activate your special ability! Release Orichalcos Dexia… and Orichalcos Aristeros! :'''Yami Yugi''': What's the meaning of this?! :'''Dartz''': Allow me to clear things up. Shunoros just released two more creatures. The first one is known as Dexia, and its attack strength is always 300 points higher than the monster it's battling, making it the perfect sword! And the second one is just as strong. It will intercept every one of your attacks and retaliate with a blast that's 300 points greater than the one you fired, making Orichalcos Aristeros the perfect shield! You'll never get past my triple threat! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' Not only is his monster more powerful than Kaiba's dragon… but with Dexia and Aristeros on the front line, our attacks won't even get through! :'''Dartz''': I activate the trap card, Martyr Curse! This forces one of your monsters to engage in a battle with one of my monsters. And as a nasty little side effect, it cancels out any special abilities your creature may have. And since I don't seem to have much of a choice, I'll target your Mirror Force Dragon! Without its reflecting power, your dragon's completely defenseless, which means you're about to be out one soul! Orichalcos Shunoros, remove Kaiba's Life Points so the Orichalcos can remove his spirit! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Kaiba's Wish of Final Effort trap card increases Yugi's Life Points and loses his soul when his Life Points dropped down to zero…]'' :'''Dartz''': Pharaoh, it looks like you're the soul survivor. :'''Yami Yugi''': You disgust me. :'''Dartz''': I'll tell you what. Since I already have what I need... You can keep the rest of him! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Don't worry, Pharaoh. Your friends are fine. I don't need weak souls. I just wanted to spend some quality time with you, one-on-one. Is that so wrong? :'''Yami Yugi''': That's enough! :'''Dartz''': But there's something I think you'll want to know. You and I met 5,000 years ago when you were king of Egypt. We may not have been officially introduced, but I was there watching you. :'''Yami Yugi''': Go on. :'''Dartz''': When the battle of Atlantis ended, I thought the Great Leviathan was gone forever. That is, until I met you. :'''Yami Yugi''': Hold on! What does that evil creature of yours have to do with me?! :'''Dartz''': I thought you'd never ask. Behold the Palace of the Pharaoh in year 3000 B.C.! Ring any bells? Hmm? ====Part 5==== :'''Joey''': Huh? I've had some weird dreams, but this one takes the cake. Wait, hold on. I remember being trapped in a duel, but... how did I end up floating around in here? :'''Yugi Muto''': ''[offscreen]'' Joey? Is that you? :'''Joey''': Yugi! Long time no see! :'''Yugi''': I'm glad you're all right! :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': Please, bubble boy, you call this "all right"? :'''Yugi and Joey''': Pegasus! :'''Pegasus''': If we don't escape soon, we never will! :'''Joey''': Hmm? Where exactly are we, anyway, Huh? ''[spots at Valon, Mai Valentine, Weevil Underwood, Rex Raptor, Alister, Rafael and Seto Kaiba]'' Wait! Everyone in here had their soul captured! This must be where the orichalcos spits you out after you lose a duel! Aah! Calm down. Maybe it is just a dream. Uh... :'''Yugi''': It's no dream. And take a look, Joey. Things are about to get worse! :'''Joey''': What's that!? :'''Pegasus''': Don't you pay attention? That's the Great Leviathan, and it's using human souls for power. :'''Joey''': It's doing what!? But I don't wanna be turned into soul food! :'''Yugi''': We can still get out of this mess if the Pharaoh defeats Dartz! :'''Joey''': Huh? But how see gonna do that? ''[looks at Seto Kaiba]'' Rich boy's with us now. That means.... The Pharaoh's facing Dartz alone out there! :'''Yugi''': Wrong. Kaiba may have been knocked outta the fight... But the Pharaoh's not alone, Joey. :'''Joey''': I'm afraid I don't follow, Yuge. :'''Yugi''': He's still got all of us. Sure, we're not right there next to him, but we've never let that stop us before. :'''Joey''': Yeah, but I don't know if that's gonna work this time, 'Cause Dartz is playin' by a whole new set a rules. and nothing can take down that orichalcos card. :'''Pegasus''': There is one thing that can help. :'''Joey''': Huh? :'''Pegasus''': It's the card I gave him. And if the Pharaoh draws it, He'll be able to unleash a force like no other. :'''Joey''': In this card can beat Dartz? :'''Pegasus''': Yes. You see, it was during a trip to Egypt that I was inspired to create the game of duel monsters after making an astonishing discovery. Ancient kings and sorcerers once performed dark rituals to conjure real monsters. These creatures were believed to have lived in a universe parallel to ours, and guarding the gateway to this dominion of the beasts were three legendary dragons known as Timaeus, Critias, and Hermos. But you already know about them, right? :'''Joey''': Right. :'''Pegasus''': What you don't know is that these dragons aren't what they appear to be. They were buried with a dark secret. So I created a card that unlocks this mystery. :'''Yugi''': I don't get it. What's the secret? :'''Pegasus''': I spent many years scouring the globe trying to find an answer to that very question, Yugi boy. First I searched the microscopic world for the tiniest clues. then I scanned the vast reaches of the universe, and still nothing. Other than on stone tablet hidden deep beneath the sands of Egypt, there was no record of the existence of these dragons. Then it dawned on me. What if these dragons aren't dragons at all? What if they're humans! :'''Yugi''': Humans!? But how is that possible, Pegasus? and what does it have to do with that mystery card you gave to the Pharaoh? :'''Pegasus''': During the battle of Atlantis, Dartz transformed three brave knights into dragons in an effort to weaken them. Now the Pharaoh must restore them to their original form... Before we disappear forever! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': ''[shocked by the Pharaoh's Millennium Puzzle preventing the Orichalcos to take his soul]'' Impossible! No one can overcome the power of the Orichalcos! You should have lost the duel! What's going on?! Why didn't the Seal take your soul?! Tell me! :'''Yami Yugi''': You forced me to gaze inside my heart, thinking I would find only darkness. But you were wrong. :'''Dartz''': Then you gazed in the wrong place! :'''Yami Yugi''': Look, believe what you wish, but I know the truth. My heart is filled with the light of friendship, and no magic can take that away, no matter how strong it is. So, thank you. You reminded me that my friends are always with me. And we're going to win this fight and take you down together! Dartz… It all ends right now! ''[draws and gasps; thinking]'' It's the card Pegasus gave me! I can sense it! :'''Dartz''': Well? Get on with it. :'''Yami Yugi''': Do you know what's in my hand? The key to unlocking the secret of the legendary dragons! :'''Dartz''': ''[gasps]'' What?! :'''Yami Yugi''': You heard me. Legend of Heart! I give up 1,000 Life Points and remove my Obnoxious Celtic Guardian from the field! This lets me summon Critias, Hermos, and Timaeus in their true form! :'''Timaeus''': Finally! After 10 millennia in captivity, we've been set free! :'''Dartz''': No! Not them! :''[The three legendary knights appear in their true forms on Yugi's side of the field]'' :'''Timaeus''': I am he who is named Timaeus! :'''Critias''': And I am… Sir Critias! :'''Hermos''': I am known as… Sir Hermos! :'''Legendary Knights''': In the name of Atlantis… we have been reborn! :'''Dartz''': ''[shocked in disbelief]'' I thought I took care of you centuries ago! ''[The three knights slam their swords onto the ground and destroy the Seal of Orichalcos; horrified]'' What have you done?! My precious Seal is gone! :'''Hermos''': Your ring of darkness is useless in our presence! :'''Critias''': Did you forget our last encounter? :'''Timaeus''': I certainly did not. And I have a score to settle with you! :'''Yami Yugi''': The time has come to weaken your defense! ====Part 6==== <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': You lose, Dartz. Your 10,000 year quest is finally over. :'''Dartz''': It can't be. I've come too close. All I need is one more powerful soul and the Great Leviathan will arise from the depths of the earth. :'''Yami Yugi''': Too little, too late. Your serpent has been destroyed, and with that, our duel come to an end. Now release the souls of my friends and everyone else you've held captive. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Téa''': ''[in tears]'' It is you, Yugi! :'''Yugi''': Téa? :'''Téa''': I thought we'd never see you again! :'''Yugi''': It's good to see you, too. :'''Joey''': All right, Out of my way people. Where's my little buddy? Ha Ha! Yug! Man did I miss this spikey little head. :'''Yugi''': Hey, Joey! :'''Téa''': The gang is back! :'''Tristan''': Don't forget about me! <hr width="50%"/> ===''Rise of the Great Beast'' [4.39-40]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Dark Magician Girl''': Monsters, unite. Without us all hope is lost. We must join forces with the humans! And together we shall defeat the Great Beast. Now go! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': That Leviathan's a goner! It's 3 on 1 up there! :'''Kaiba''': I see you can count! Unfortunately, numbers aren't everything! :'''Yugi''': You can do this, Pharaoh! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': My Leviathan is fueled by the darkness of my prisoners! :'''The Pharaoh''': Wrong, Dartz! I was able to transform the darkness in their hearts to light! A light which now fuels MY beasts! :'''Dartz''': NO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, PHARAOH?!?! :'''Kaiba''': Hey, look! I guess the Gods did pull through! :'''Joey''': Told ya! That means everyone Dartz captured is free! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': I'm back. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi''': Look! It’s the portal that led us here! :'''Joey''': Alright! Home sweet home here we come! <hr width="50%"/> ====Part 2==== :'''Dartz''': Now, Great Leviathan! Crush the Pharaoh with his own darkness! :'''Yugi''': Let him go! :'''Yami Yugi''': No! Get back! :'''Yugi''': Huh? :'''Yami Yugi''': This is my fight now, I must prove that my rage is gone! ''[Yugi gasps flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|Yami Yugi and Rafael's first duel, the Pharaoh activated The Seal of Oricalcos card]]. flashback ends]'' When I played that card, I unlocked the evil in my heart, Ever since then, I’ve been fighting the anger within me, and now it’s destroying me. :'''Yugi''': But you stopped it… Didn’t you? :'''Yami Yugi''': No, Yugi! Listen. Facing you in that duel was a first step, But there’s a long way to go. ''[grunting]'' The darkness… It’s power knows no bounds. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Self Destruction|Yami and Yugi’s duel in the Stone Wasteland]] flashback ends.]'' :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh! Be strong! Focus on the good inside you! Think of your friends! :'''Yami Yugi''': Of course. As long as I’m filled with the light of friendship, Dartz can’t win. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#A Duel with Dartz|their duel]] and flashback ends]'' Thanks to my friends, I have enough light to banish the darkness! So with the power of everyone in my heart, I shall seal you away! '''BE GONE!''' :'''Dartz''': Great Leviathan, vanquish the Pharaoh's spirit for all eternity! :'''Yugi''': Get out while you can! :'''Yami Yugi''': You must trust me! :'''Dartz''': '''NO! THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE!''' :''[?]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Man''': The hurricane, It seens to be gone. :'''Captain''': Are you sure you're reading that thing right? :''[Back at Monument Valley, Duke Devlin, Rebecca and Professor Arthur Hawkins saw dark clouds are lifting out to the skylight.]'' :'''Arthur Hawkins''': The Darkness is Lifting. :''[Back at Atlantis]'' :'''Yugi''': You did it. ''[Yami collapses he helps him]'' Hey, are you all right? :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm fine, Yugi, The Great Leviathan is gone. :'''Yugi''': Yeah. Thanks, pal. It's over now. ''[spots at Dartz]'' But what about Dartz? :''[Dartz wakes up his dark side is gone then the light glow when Ironheart, Chris and Skye appears]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi, Look it's Ironheart, and Chris. :'''Dartz''': Father, Chris, It's you. :'''Chris''': Dad, you're back! :'''Ironheart''': My son, At long last. And you have the great pharaoh to thank. He drove out the evil force that controlled you. :'''Dartz''': Oh. :'''Yami Yugi''': I knew it. Deep down you're a noble ruler, Dartz. :'''Chris''': And a great father! I've missed you so much, Dad. :'''Ironheart''': Your work here is now complete. You may go in place. Great things await you. So return now to your world by stepping through that portal. :'''Yugi''': But what about you? Are you guys gonna be OK? :'''Ironheart''': Yes, For the first time in centuries. :'''Yami Yugi''': Alright, Yugi let's go back home. :''[Pharaoh and Yugi walked toward the portal and looks at Chris, Dartz, Ironheart and Skye and they walked off enter the portal and disappears Chris looks at her father.]'' :'''Chris''': Hey, Dad. We should go too. After all this time, We have a lot of catching up to do. :''[Dartz smiled agreed with his daughter now the Atlantis is going down to the ocean and splashed towards Dartz's lair.]'' :'''Seto Kaiba''': Mokuba! Start the engines! :'''Mokuba Kaiba''': Seto! :'''Seto''': We have to get out of here. :'''Téa Gardner''': Without Yugi? No way. :'''Joey Wheeler''': Eh? :'''Téa''': Don't you know where he is? :'''Joey''': Don't tell me. :'''Téa''': You mean he's still in there!? :'''Mokuba''': Time's running out! :'''Seto''': Mokuba's right. We can't wait. :'''Joey''': Yugi! :'''Tristan Taylor''': Are you nuts man! :'''Joey''': Get your hands off of me Tristan! I’m not leaving here without Yugi! :'''Tristan''': Joey, we have to trust that he found the way out on his own! :'''Joey''': YUGI! :''[the gang hops in the KaibaCorp helicopter and takes off as Dartz's lair is washed down. Inside the helicopter Téa, Rafael, Tristan, Joey, Kaiba and Mokuba.]'' :'''Seto''': Good riddance. :'''Mokuba''': I just hope Yugi wasn't in there. :'''Téa''': Me, too. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the Hospital Rex and Weevil wakes up was that a dream.]'' :'''Weevil Underwood''': Where am i? Mommy? :'''Rex Raptor''': Hey! Who's said that!? :'''Weevil/Rex''': Huh! Oh! :'''Rex''': What are you doing in my bedroom, Weevil!? :'''Weevil''': Your bedroom!? You're in a hospital, You dimwit! :'''Rex''': What happened!? :'''Weevil''': I know who fault this is. :'''Rex''': ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#On the Wrong Track|Joey's]].'' :'''Weevil''': ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#On the Wrong Track|Yugi's]].'' :'''Both''': '''YOU'RE PAY FOR THIS! YOU HEAR ME!?''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alister''': Mikey, I know you're out there somewhere, And I'm not gonna stop looking until I find you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': ''[wakes up]'' I’m home. ''[thinking]'' Was that all a dream? ''[flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fighting for a Friend|Joey and Valon's last duel]]. Flashback ends he gets up the bed and the card fell off he spotted the Harpie Lady card and holds it walked outside the beach house and smiling looked at the sky]'' I'll never forget you. Thanks Mai. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mai driving on her motorcycle at the beach]'' :'''Mai Valentine''': ''[thinking]'' ''I'm glad that mess is over. Now to pick up the pieces.'' ''[In Mai's flashbacks, it shows the beginning of how she entered the Doma organization, when she met [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#An_Unexpected_Enemy|Yugi's friends and running towards Joey]] [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Fighting_for_a_Friend|before he became unconscious]]. Flashbacks ends]'' ''Sorry Joey. But I can't face you yet. So I'm gonna hit the road until I'm ready to own up to everything for what have I've done. But I'll be back.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dark Magician Girl''': ''[voice-over]'' Yugi, Wake up. :'''Yugi''': ''[wakes up and surprised on the beach and sees the sunset on the ocean.]'' Any idea where we are? :'''Yami Yugi''': It seems we've washed up on shore. But I wonder how. Someone must have guided us here. Hmm. :'''Yugi''': Hey, look! ''[sees Dark Magician Girl along with Timaeus, Hermos and Critias appears]'' It's Dark Magician Girl! :'''Yami Yugi''': And she's brought with her the three legendary knights. :'''Dark Magician Girl''': We four are forever in your debt. Not only have you rescued your own world, But you've saved the creatures of our world as well. Thanks to your fearlessness. The dominion of the beasts can once again flourish just as it did so many years ago. And by breaking the evil spell that imprisoned the legendary knights. They can continue to protect our land. :'''Yugi''': I'm just glad we could help. :'''Timaeus''': Thank you both. You fought bravely. Farewell. :'''Critias''': You two will never be forgotten. :'''Hermos''': For as long as we reign. :'''Yami Yugi''': Well, We couldn't have done it without you. In the face of ultimate darkness, Your couragfousness sparked a light so incredibly strong it will burn for all eternity. :'''Timaeus''': Thank you, Pharaoh. We shall meet again. :''[The legendary knights flying off together.]'' :'''Dark Magician Girl''': The time may come that we need each other again. If so, You know where I'll be. Right there in your deck. :''[she flying off with the legendary knights together then inside the KaibaCorp helicopter]'' :'''Téa''': Look, those weird lights are back. :'''Joey''': Well, that explains why? It's Dark Magician Girl and the three legendary knights. :'''Téa''': I guess they’re going home. Now that their world is safe again. :'''Yugi''': ''[sees "The Eye of Timaeus" card disappears]'' Well, Pharaoh there goes our Timaeus. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes Yugi, There goes Timaeus. :'''Joey''': ''[sees "The Claw of Hermos" card disappears]'' Well, there goes Hermos. :'''Kaiba''': ''[sees "The Fang of Critias" card disappears]'' Oh well... No big deal. My deck's still unstoppable. :'''Téa''': I hope Yugi's all right. ''[spots Yugi on the island]'' Look! :'''Mokuba''': Huh? :'''Joey''': Eh? :'''Tristan''': Huh? Hey! It's Yugi! :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh! Over there! They made it out! :'''Yami Yugi''': You're right. :''[KaibaCorp helicopter lands on the beach and the door open]'' :'''Joey''': Yugi! :'''Tea''': I knew we find you. :'''Tristan''': Hey man! :'''Joey''': ''[giggling]'' I'll never let this spikey head of yours is outta my sight. :'''Tea''': Is it really all over? :'''Yugi''': Yep, we're safe now. :'''Mokuba''': ''[next to Seto Kaiba behind Rafael]'' Hey, Yugi! :'''Joey''': Let's hit the high road folks, I'm sure there's someone else trying to taking over the world back home. :'''Tristan''': You know the scary thing is he's probably right. :''[The gang hops the KaibaCorp helicopter when Yugi sees the Pharaoh watches the sunsets down the ocean.]'' :'''Tea''': ''[offscreen]'' Yugi, is something wrong? :'''Yugi''': I'll be right there, Tea. ''[The Pharaoh and Yugi looked at each other as the sun going down the ocean.]'' ''[voice over]'' ''We may have stopped Dartz, but the Pharaoh's not done yet. Now he has to pick up where he left off before all this craziness started 'cause the biggest adventure of all is still ahead. And it won't be over till the pharaoh unlocks the secrets of his past. He needs to learn who he really is and why he was sent back here. Maybe then his spirit'll finally be able to rest. Well, no matter what happens, one thing's for sure... whatever he finds out there... and whatever he needs to face... he won't have to do it alone.'' ==External links== {{wikipedia|Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (season 4)}} {{Yu-Gi-Oh!}} [[Category:Yu-Gi-Oh! seasons|4]] [[Category:Children's television seasons]] 11u2i0pls52r2yfm3sbqsasrgrnaazq 3778988 3778985 2025-07-15T02:24:35Z 2001:8003:DD49:F700:70BE:E456:AB7D:24BF /* Self Destruction [4.19] */ 3778988 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''Seasons''': [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 1)|1]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 2)|2]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 3)|3 Enter the Shadow Realm]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)|4 Waking the Dragons]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 5)|5 Grand Championship and Dawn of the Duel]] | '''Movies''': [[Yu-Gi-Oh! The Movie: Pyramid of Light]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Dark Side of Dimensions|The Dark Side of Dimensions]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh!: Bonds Beyond Time|Bonds Beyond Time]] | [[Yu-Gi-Oh!|Main]] ---------------- The following is a list of quotes from the fourth season of '''''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'''''. ==Waking the Dragons Arc== ===''A New Evil'' [4.01-02]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Rex Raptor''': Ever hear of stepping aside?! :'''Weevil Underwood''': Yeah! What's your problem? :'''Gurimo''': The problem should be yours when I strip you two fools of your souls. :'''Rex Raptor''': Does the Grim Reaper know you've raided his wardrobe? :'''Gurimo''': ''[his eyes glow green, explaining the Orichalcos]'' ''Quod valedico vestrum animus.'' :'''Rex Raptor''': Say what?! :'''Weevil Underwood''': I-I think you just got him mad! :'''Gurimo''': Rise on your feet and Duel! ''[activates his Chaos Duel Disk and Weevil and Rex scream in terror off-screen]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Great deities of domination, I call upon thee. Use the pharaoh's force to penetrate the dominion of the beasts and liberate the fury of 10,000 years. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gurimo''': Your fate is now sealed. ====Part 2==== :'''Alister''': Looks like someone needs a rest. :'''Valon''': The boss warned us that the Egyptian God Cards and the magic of the Orichalcos might not mix so well, didn't he? :'''Alister''': I think that geezer's just getting too old for this. :'''Rafael''': Well, that's why we made him Duel first, right? To test the Pharaoh's strength. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Now why does all these weird stuff always happen to us? ''[Yugi is silent]'' You've gotta admit, it's true. :''[Rebecca runs up to meet Yugi]'' :'''Rebecca''': Yugi! ''[Hugs Yugi]'' :'''Yugi''': ''[Very surprised]'' Uh, hey....you! :'''Rebecca''': Oh no, don't tell me you forgot about me already! :'''Tristan''': Yet another weird event to add to the list. :'''Joey''': And this one tops them all. :'''Tristan''': It's probably best if we don't interfere! :'''Tea''': ''[Leaning towards Yugi]'' Do you know this person, Yugi? :'''Yugi''': Um, I don't think so. :'''Rebecca''': Maybe this will refresh your memory! ''[Holds up a card]'' :'''Yugi''': ''[After flashback]'' Ah, Rebecca! :'''Joey''': It's that brat! :'''Rebecca''': Hi! ''[Big smile; waves her hand]'' :'''Joey''': Wait, she looks different. Did she get a haircut or something? :'''Tristan''': No dude, she traded her teddy bear for glasses. :'''Rebecca''': ''[Hugs Yugi]'' I don't need a bear... now that I've got a boyfriend to protect me! :'''Tea''': Um, excuse me? A boyfriend!? :'''Rebecca''': ''[Another hug]'' My grandpa is also really excited to see you Yugi! :'''Yugi''': Professor Hawkins? :'''Rebecca''': Yeah, he's waiting at the Museum. :'''Tea''': Grrr... ''[Anime vein throb]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arthur''': Remarkable, Isn't it? :'''Solomon''': That's my boy. :'''Yugi''': Hey, guys! :'''Arthur''': Yugi Muto. You're just the person I need to see. I have a theory that all of these monster sightings have something to do with you. :'''Yugi''': Huh. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': Here we are, gang, Home, sweet home. :'''Rafael''': Wait til the boss hears we found the Pharaoh. ===''Legend of the Dragons'' [4.03]=== :'''Rafael''': We located the Pharaoh, Master. Unfortunately, we weren't able to capture his soul. :'''Dartz''': I didn't expect you to defeat him this soon. We've just begun. :'''Rafael''': But you know me, Master. I never come back empty handed. ''[walks forward with a small wooden box, and opens it to reveal the three Egyptian God Cards inside]'' :'''Dartz''': Excellent, the Egyptian Gods. ''[reaches out and takes the three cards in his hand]'' At long last. I've waited an eternity to hold their power in my hands. ''[the cards begin glowing]'' I finally possess the supreme force necessary to awaken the Great Beast! ''[walks to the altar at the far end of the temple]'' Soon we shall rid the Earth of mankind, and rebuild civilization as it once was! ''[places the Egyptian God Cards in the mouths of three huge stone serpents, with Ra in the middle, Slifer on the right and Obelisk on the left]'' Serpents of the Orichalcos, please hear my call! ''[raises his hands in worship]'' I offer thee the Gods of Egypt! Use their divine might to unlock the sacred chamber of the Great Beast! Awaken him from his ancient slumber by accepting my offering! :''[Dartz laughs evilly as the three cards emanate a powerful beam of energy, which then shoots up past the temple roof and into the sky, culminating in an explosion of white light which clears to reveal an array of multicoloured lights floating in the sky]'' :'''Dartz''': The time has arrived, my friends. Finally, after ten thousand years, the Great Leviathan shall rise again! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dark Magician Girl''': We’ve only just begun. The great beast is still weak so he retreated for the moment. And for that my companions and I are truly my Pharaoh. But many of us remain prisoners on the other side. :'''Yugi''': What’s next? :'''Dark Magician Girl''': The great beast will return again… and his power will grow! He must be stopped before he is fully restored! Time is running out! ===''The Creator Returns'' [4.04]=== :'''Dartz''': Rafael! :'''Rafael''': Yes, Master Dartz. ''[kneels before Dartz]'' I know what to do. I'll find the Pharaoh. And this time, I'll make sure we drain his power to feed the Great Beast, sir. :'''Dartz''': Why don't you try listening? It's really a wonderful skill. ''[turns around]'' And when you master it, you'll realise that we need more than just the Pharaoh's soul! :'''Alister''': Then we'll deal with the others too. I'll take Kaiba. :'''Valon''': I got my eye on someone too. That feisty little bloke Joey Wheeler. ''[laughs]'' He should be fun to take apart. :'''Alister''': I know why you're after Wheeler. :'''Valon''': Mind your own business, Alister! What about you? Why the sudden interest in Kaiba? :'''Alister''': Look, I have my reasons, Valon. :'''Valon''': Really?! :'''Rafael''': Knock it off! We're in the presence of Master Dartz! :'''Dartz''': The Pharaoh and his friends are on his way to speak with the one we've been watching. Just make certain that you reach him before they do. :'''Rafael''': Pegasus? :'''Dartz''': And to think, I called you a bad listener. Now go see Pegasus at once! :''[Alister and Valon join Rafael in kneeling before Dartz]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': I can’t believe the very monsters I made famous and now terrorising people around the world. Oh. Talk about bad publicity. :'''Mai Valentine''': Do you always talk to yourself like that? :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': ''[turns looks at the window shelf a strange figure is Mai Valentine]'' Huh? :'''Mai Valentine''': You got to get yourself some friends, honey. :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': But how did you get past my security? :'''Mai Valentine''': I guess your office isn’t as secure as you think it is, money bags. :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': I know you, you’re Mai Valentine. Tell me, why did you come here? :'''Mai Valentine''': Good question. I came here to duel you. And to take your soul. :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': '''NO!''' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Yugi and his friends at the airport]'' :'''Yugi''': I'll see you soon, Grandpa. :'''Solomon''': Take care, Yugi. And don't forget to keep your seats upright during takeoff. And don't fill up on peanuts. :'''Yugi''': Sure, bye, Grandpa. :'''Tea Gardner''': Well, we're off. :'''Joey Wheeler''': Thanks for the ride. :'''Solomon''': You kids be careful, now! :''[Weevil and Rex are sneaking to followed Yugi and his friends to hiding in the bag.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pegasus''': Kaiba boy! I missed you! ===''Deja Duel!'' [4.05-06]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Mokuba''': Seto, We're approaching Duelist Kingdom. :'''Seto''': I'll try to make this quick. The less time I spend here, the better. :'''Mokuba''': Me, too. This place has nothing but bad memories. :'''Seto''': Initiate the landing sequence now. :'''Mokuba''': You got it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pegasus''': I just haven't been myself lately. in fact... ''[in Alister's voice]'' I mean that quite literally. :'''Mokuba''': What's going on? :'''Alister''': Surprise! ''[chuckling]'' :''[he rips himself off, revealing Alister]'' :'''Alister''': I've waited for this day for a long time, Kaiba-boy. :'''Seto''': You're gonna pay for tricking me like that! :'''Alister''': ''[as Pegasus' voice]'' Pretty good imitation, right? :'''Seto''': Identify yourself. :'''Alister''': ''[normal voice]'' Alister's the name, Kaiba boy! Now let's duel! ''[activates his chaos duel disk and draws a card]'' Hm. ''[holds up "The Seal of Orichalcos" card]'' This magic card is about to change everything. Activating the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Seto''': What's that? :'''Mokuba''': This is nuts! :'''Seto''': Explain yourself now! :'''Alister''': Oh, as if you're gonna believe me? :'''Seto''': Try me. :'''Alister''': We're trapped in here till the duel's over. Then once I crush you, I'll be able to get out. Hmm. Of course, you on the other hand won't be quite as lucky as myself Kaiba boy. :'''Seto''': What do you mean? :'''Alister''': When you lose, your soul will be locked away for all eternity... But this time, you won't be set free! :''[To Be Continued...]'' ====Part 2==== :'''Alister''': Let's get on with this. I summon Gorlag in attack mode! And here's a little bonus. :'''Seto''': Your monster just got stronger! But how?! :'''Alister''': Remember the Seal of Orichalcos? As long as it stays active on the field, every one of my monsters gets 500 attack point boost. :'''Seto''': What?! :'''Alister''': You heard me. Plus, my Gorlag gets another 500 points for every fire monster on the field. :'''Seto''': There are none! :'''Alister''': Oh, no? What do you think my Gorlag's made of? Ready, Gorlag? Attack his Versago the Destroyer, now! ''[Gorlag attacks Seto's monster and it reappears on his side of the field]'' :'''Seto''': ''[thinking]'' What's that?! :'''Alister''': Did I forget to mention my Gorlag's ''other'' special ability? Every time he destroys one of my opponent's monsters, that very same monster reappears on ''my'' side of the field-- only this time, it becomes a creature of fire! And you remember what happens when a creature of fire is on the field, right? My Gorlag gets even stronger! It's over for you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alister''': It used to be my brother's! But I'll never see him again… 'cause your father took him away from me! <hr width="50%"/> ===''An Unexpected Enemy'' [4.07]=== :'''Rafael''': Someone out there likes to crash parties. Let's find out who. ''[drives off]'' :'''Valon''': I already know. And I know just where she's going too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Don't we get a "hi"? What's with the silent treatment, Mai. :'''Mai''': I'm not Mai. at least not the Mai you knew. :'''Joey''': What? :'''Mai''': You heard me. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#The Creator Returns (E.4)|she and Pegasus' duel at Industrial Illusions]], flashback ends.]'' Alright, gang. ''[holds up the card is Maximillion Pegasus' soul is captured by the Seal of Orichalcos]'' Say hello to Pegasus. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[shocked]'' What? :'''Tristan''': Whoa... Is that really him? :'''Téa''': Ah... Question: Did you do that to him? :'''Joey''': Look! You better start talking! :'''Valon''': ''[offscreen]'' or else what!? :'''Joey''': Huh? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Joey, Yami Yugi, Téa and Tristan spots at Valon and Rafael on top]'' :'''Valon''': What's the matter, Wheeler, did your little reunion with Mai not go as well as you expected it to do? ''[to Mai]'' And you! Why are you keeping these guys all for yourself, Mai? Why don't you show some manners and share the fun with us? :'''Mai''': Mind your own business, you lackey. These geeks are mine, so deal with it. :'''Joey''': Geeks!? But we're your friends, Mai. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_3)#One_for_the_Road|Joey and Mai after the battle city finals]]]'' Please, Mai! Tell me this is all a joke! You're on ''our'' side, remember?! :'''Tristan''': Great. Mai totally sold ''us'' out! :'''Téa''': No! Mai would never do that! Tell him. You're still ''our'' friend, right? :'''Yami Yugi''': Time to explain yourself. :'''Mai''': I was never a ''part'' of your little playgroup. And now I'm gonna break you apart one-by-one. ''[activates her chaos duel disk]'' And Wheeler… I'm starting with you! :'''Joey''': Fine! :'''Mai''': It's payback time, and it all starts, now! And to think, I was once pathetic enough to call you my friend. But now I know the truth! You were holding me back from achieving true power! So say hello to my real friend… THE SEAL OF ORICHALCOS! This card's done for me than you losers ever could! ''[activates the card, trapping Joey and herself in it]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': No! Not this! :'''Mai''': ''[chuckles sinisterly]'' If you're scared now, just wait till you lose. :'''Joey''': Wake up, Mai! This thing's nothing but bad news! It's messing up your head, big time! Don't you remember everything we've been through together? Just ditch that freaky card, and things can be the way they use to be! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': It's exactly as I feared. The Orichalcos controls her! This duel must end. :'''Téa''': Otherwise, she's gonna do the same thing to Joey that she did to Pegasus! ===''My Freaky Valentine'' [4.08-10]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Mai''': What are you waiting for, Wheeler? :'''Joey''': I'm waiting for you to come to your senses! :'''Tristan''': She's lost it. How can she side with the enemy?! :'''Téa''': It's all because of that Orichalcos thing! :'''Yami-Yugi''': Now, one of them will lose their soul. :'''Téa''': No, you can't do this! Don't you see you're letting that magic card control you, Mai! You're putting your own life in danger! :'''Yugi''': They can't go through with this! We've got to do something! :'''Yami-Yugi''': But the Puzzle is powerless against that seal. :'''Valon''': Ey, Pharaoh! Quit mumblin' to yourself down there, will ya? In case you didn't realize this last time, nothing can break the Seal of Orichalcos! Once it appears, it doesn't disappear until a soul's been captured! :'''Rafael''': And don't think you're off the hook, Pharaoh. As soon as the girl takes your friend's soul, I'm takin' ''yours''. :'''Mai''': Get back in your cage, gorilla boy! When I'm done with Wheeler… Yugi belongs to ''me!'' :'''Yami-Yugi''': But why? :'''Téa''': ''She's'' nuts! :'''Rafael''': I never liked her. No respect. Any more lip from Mai and she's next. :'''Valon''': Aw, give the girl a break, will ya? She's still new at all this, mate. Plus, she's kinda cute when she gets mad, don't ya think? :'''Rafael''': Uh, no. :'''Mai''': When are you gonna make your move, hotshot? This year would be nice. :'''Joey''': What did I say?! ''I'm'' not gonna duel ''against'' you, Mai! :'''Mai''': Afraid you're not good enough? Afraid you're gonna lose like you did in Battle City?! I shoulda known you'd back down! :'''Joey''': Actually, I'm afraid I'm gonna win. 'Cause if I do… You're gonna pay for it by givin' up ''your'' soul! :'''Mai''': I have no soul! :'''Téa''': ''[shocked by what she said]'' You hear that?! :''[Valon whistles]'' :'''Mai''': I told you, the Mai you knew is gone! I traded in her soul for power! The old Mai was too lonely and pathetic. The girl was just holding me back. So I did what I had to! I sent her packing! Now, my weak side's gone for good! :'''Joey''': Well, I happen to have liked the old Mai and I'm gonna get her back! :'''Mai''': I'd like to see you try! :''[Joey activated his duel disk]'' :'''Tristan''': He's gonna go through with this?! :'''Téa''': Be careful, Joey! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mai activates her Nightmare Tri-Mirror trap card to transform the reflection of Joey's Scapegoats into four more Harpie Ladies, thus giving her a total of six Harpies]'' :'''Tristan''': Wait just a second, she can't have six monsters in play! :'''Yami-Yugi''': Remember, Tristan, thanks to the Seal of Orichalcos, Mai is allowed to have up to ''ten'' monsters on the field at once. :'''Tristan''': D'oh! Stupid magic thing! :'''Mai''': Now this is what I call, "girl power!" You're up against six Haripe Ladies all enhanced with the power of my magic card! I place one card facedown on the field. It was nice knowin' ya! I've got six Harpie Ladies and one big magic circle, and we all agree you're in over your head, Wheeler. Lucky for you, it's your move or I'd finish you off right now. So what's it gonna be? :'''Tristan''': There's nothing he can do! Mai backed Joey into a corner and now he's stuck there! :'''Yugi''': Tristan's got a point. If Joey doesn't do something quick, Mai is gonna win the duel! :'''Yami-Yugi''': That's true. And as long as the Seal of Orichalcos is on the field, Mai has all sorts of advantages. It even seems as though there are certain magic and trap cards that only she is allowed to use. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': I summon Panther Warrior in attack mode! Now, I sacrifice one scapegoat so my panther can attack! :'''Mai''': I reveal my facedown card! Harpie Lady Sparrow Formation! :'''Joey''': What?! :'''Mai''': My Harpie Ladies have all joined forces to repel your attack! :'''Tristan''': Mai didn't have that card back in Battle City. :'''Téa''': You're right. :'''Yami-Yugi''': It seems as though she's gone through more than a few changes since the last time we saw her-- including a stronger deck! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Look, Mai... I don't know what kind of spell these guys put on ya but you gotta wake up! Otherwise we're both gonna be in pretty big trouble! :'''Mai''': What spell!? No one's controlling me! ''[looks up on Valon and Rafael]'' Those two lackeys up there couldn't control my left pinky. ''I'' was sick of my life... So I ''chose'' to change it! :''[Téa, Tristan and the Pharaoh gasps and horrifying]'' :'''Joey''': ''[shocked]'' No way! :'''Téa''': How could you!? :'''Mai''': You guys wouldn't understand. You've never been an outsider like me... All alone. Duel monsters is all I have. And after [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 3)|the Battle City tournament]], I set out to become the best. I duel against chump after chump to improve my dueling skills. I needed to make a name for myself. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': I stopped whining like a loser and started taking control! Now nothing can stop me! :'''Joey''': I never knew you felt that way. Why didn't you tell us you were so unhappy? We could've helped you, Mai! :'''Mai''': '''SAVE IT!''' I don't need your kind of help! All I need now is power! And I'm about to unleash all of it on ''you!'' ''[draws]'' I play Harpie Lady Phoenix Formation! Since I have six Harpies on the field, it lets me destroy up to six of your monsters! :'''Tristan''': Hold on! Joey's only got three left! :'''Téa''': That means once Mai's Harpie Ladies attack, he'll be defenseless! :'''Yami-Yugi''': That's not all. Mai's magic card will also subtract the sum of Joey's monsters' attack points from ''his'' Life Points. :'''Mai''': Now, Harpie Ladies… unite and destroy every one of his monsters! Say goodbye to your three monsters, Wheeler! Someone is one attack away from losing their soul and I don't think it's me, sweetheart. Any last requests? :'''Tristan''': Mai's got 4000 points! She hasn't even lost one! And Joey's down to his last 200! Not to mention the fact that he's out of monsters! :'''Téa''': If he doesn't think of something right now, he's gonna lose the duel! ====Part 2==== :'''Yugi''': There is a way for Joey to end this duel without someone getting hurt, isn't there? :'''Yami-Yugi''': Yes, but it won't be easy. The Seal of Orichalcos is powerful. However, it does have limitations. It can only capture a soul when a duelist loses, and there it lies the secret to escaping its wrath. :'''Yugi''': I don't get it. :'''Yami-Yugi''': Let's hope Joey does. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': ''[spots at Weevil and Rex outside]'' It's a regalia party, What are you guys doing here? :'''Weevil''': It's that magic circle! :'''Rex''': Yeah! The same one we were trapped in! :'''Mai''': I sacrifice my two Harpies! That allows me to summon Harpie's Pet Dragon! And thanks to the Seal of Orichalcos, it gets 500 more points! Plus, it gets another 300 points for every Harpie I have on the field! :'''Yami-Yugi''': Now it has 3,400 points! :'''Mai''': It's been nice knowing ya, Wheeler! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Joey picked his own trap card in the middle, canceling Mai's attack]'' :'''Joey''': YEAH! Bingo, baby! :'''Tristan''': I knew he could do it! :'''Téa''': You go! :'''Weevil''': Now that's luck. :'''Rex''': Yeah, next time I play Bingo, I'm bringin' him! :'''Valon''': Well, there goes your theory. :'''Joey''': Looks like your last attack didn't work. So I'm still in the game! :'''Mai''': For now, maybe. :'''Téa''': That's cool. At least Joey bought himself a little time. :'''Yami-Yugi''': Yes, but it did come with a price, Téa. :'''Mai''': Impressive. But your little maneuver helped me out, too. :'''Joey''': Yeah, I know. Now you get to put the two cards you picked at the top of your deck. :'''Téa''': Oh, no! Now she can use those two cards again! :'''Yami-Yugi''': Harpie Lady Phoenix Formation and Harpie Sparrow Formation. Those are two of Mai's most powerful cards! :'''Mai''': You may have stopped my attack but my turn's not over. Next, I'll move one of my Harpie Ladies to my rear defense. And then, I'll place two cards facedown and end my turn. :'''Joey''': ''[thinking]'' I've got one more shot to do this, but I'm all out of ideas! ====Part 3==== :'''Rafael''': Valon, what are you doing!? :'''Valon''': With this fragment of the Orichalcos stone… I unlock the seal! :'''Rafael''': No! ''[jumps down]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami-Yugi''': Joey, are you alright. Joey! :'''Tristan''': Oh man. :'''Téa''': Why did he do that? :'''Rafael''': What were you thinking, Valon? You betrayed Master Dartz and risked your own soul! And you mean to tell me you did all that so you just saved some girl, Valon. :'''Valon''': She's not just some ''girl'', Rafael! :'''Rafael''': Would ''you'' listen to yourself, Valon!? ''[growls]'' I'll make up for this… By taken ''your'' soul, Pharaoh. The power around my neck puts your Puzzle to shame. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami-Yugi''': Joey! :'''Tristan''': You're okay, man! :'''Téa''': Joey! :'''Tristan''': Don't give up on us now. :'''Téa''': Joey. :'''Joey''': Where's Mai? Did those punks take her? :'''Téa''': I guess so. :'''Tristan''': Yeah. She gone. :'''Joey''': ''[gasps]'' Oh no, I was so close. ''[groans]'' I'LL GET YOU BACK, MAI! ===''The Challenge'' [4.11]=== :'''Seto Kaiba''': No way! My mind must be playing tricks on me! :'''Joey Wheeler''': I doubt that. My card seens to be doing the same thing, Kaiba! :'''Yami Yugi''': It feels as though these three dragons are calling out to us. :'''All''': Uhh! :'''Yami Yugi''': I was told that fate had chosen three modern-day warriors to release these legendary beasts. :'''Kaiba''': Chosen by fate? Get real. I'm the one who decides my fate, Yugi! Not some fairy tale about mythical dragons and giant man-eating monsters. :'''Yami Yugi''': Be reasonable for once! The world needs us! We do this as a team! :'''Kaiba''': Sorry... I don't do the teamwork thing. :'''Yami Yugi''': Listen! :'''Kaiba''': You geeks have wasted enough of my time already. I have a multi-million dollar company to run. Playtime's over. :'''Yami Yugi''': Kaiba! :'''Mokuba''': Seto.... wait up! :'''Joey''': We don't need him weighing us down anyway. With good old Hermos over here those hoodlums won't stand a chance. :'''Tristan''': Someone's back to their old self again. About time. :'''Joey''': It took me a while, but I realized being bummed out about Mai's not gonna bring her back. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': ''[angrily]'' What were ''you'' thinking?! I was just about to finish off Wheeler, and then you had butt in and ruin everything! :'''Rafael''': You're a real piece a work. He saved your soul, and this is how you repay him? :'''Mai''': Who asked to be saved?! Maybe next time, He'll learn to butt out! :'''Rafael''': Next time... We'll just let you lose. :'''Valon''': That's enough, mate, I'm fine! :'''Mai''': Yeah, Clam up, or you'll end up just like your friend here. :'''Rafael''': ''[stands up]'' ''You'' have no idea the danger you were in. :'''Mai''': Huh? :'''Rafael''': Do you remember that Hermos card Wheeler played? It's an ancient dragon that can only be controlled by a chosen duelist. :'''Mai''': Ha! Yeah, ''he'' was chosen all right! Chosen to have that scrawny butt of his kicked by a real duelist! Humph. ''[hops on Valon's motorcycle]'' Later, losers! ''[droves off]'' :'''Valon''': Hey, wait! That's mine! ''[coughs]'' :'''Mai''': ''[thinking]'' ''You'' won't escape me this time, Wheeler. :'''Valon''': I can't let Mai get hurt. I gotta stop her. :'''Rafael''': Forget about her, Valon. Let's focus on the Pharaoh. :'''Valon''': But Master Dartz said to wait. :'''Rafael''': Yeah, Well, Master Dartz doesn't always know what's best. I should take the strongest soul first. Once I get him out of the way, The others will fall right into my hands, one by one. :'''Valon''': But how do you know the Pharaoh will duel? :'''Rafael''': Because my plan is already in place. It's only a matter of time. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': A duel monster's card? ''[spots a note from Rafael and gasps]'' GRANDPA! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': You sure this is the place? :'''Yugi''': Professor Hawkins! Rebecca! :'''Rebecca''': Yugi. :'''Yugi''': Rebecca. What happened here? :'''Rebecca''': ''[in tears]'' Yugi… they tooked him. ''[starts to cries]'' My poor Grandpa! ''[sobbing]'' It’s not fair! He didn’t hurt anyone! :'''Yugi''': We’re gonna find him… I promise. :'''Rebecca''': Thank you. Who would do something like this?! <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi''': Oh, no! How far away is [[w:Death Valley|Death Valley]]? :'''Rebecca''': Well if we use Duke's car, it shouldn’t take us more than an hour or so. :'''Yugi''': Sorry, Rebecca… But I have to go alone. :'''Rebecca''': Why? :'''Yugi''': I’ve put you and your family in enough danger already. :'''Rebecca''': Uh-uh. Don’t be silly, Yugi. None of this is your fault at all. :'''Yugi''': Thanks, Rebecca. But It’s me they want, and you’ll be much safer here. And please, don’t tell Joey, Tristan, Téa and the other guys where I’m about to go, OK? :'''Rebecca''': But why? :'''Yugi''': I don’t want them to follow me there. :'''Weevil''': Interesting. :'''Rex and Weevil''': ''[looks at each other]'' Hmm? <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi''': Ready, Copernicus. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arthur''': Rebecca, Where's Yugi? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': We’ll keep an eye out on Rex and Weevil, I don’t trust those two. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Weevil''': We can't miss the showdown between Yugi and those guys. I have to find out how they made Mai into such a strong duelist. :'''Rex''': Can't we take a quick snack break? :''[Weevil and Rex spots Yami Yugi riding on Copernicus]'' :'''Weevil''': It's Yugi, he's getting ahead! :'''Rex''': No put the pedal to the metal! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': ''[looks after her grandfather was asleep and holds Ties of Friendship card what Yugi gives her]'' Be careful, Yugi. Please. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': I'm ready for you, Pharaoh. Thanks to my deck... and the power it holds. ===''Fate of the Pharaoh'' [4.12-14]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Rafael''': Very impressive, cowboy, But You'll need more than a few rodeo tricks to get yourself outta this. ''[Pharaoh crossing the bridge]'' You see, While my associates are satisfied with stealing the souls of your friends, I'm not. :'''Yami Yugi''': I did my part. Now you release the Professor Arthur Hawkins as you promised. :'''Rafael''': He's already been set free, but since you've come all this way, you might as well stay awhile. ''[?]'' So you're gonna stick around, right? 'Cause like I said before, Pharaoh, your friends aren't good enough. I need to capture the soul of the pharaoh himself so I can save the world. :'''Yami Yugi''': Save the world? Don't you see that what you're doing is going to ''destroy'' the world? or are you so insane that you can't tell the difference? :'''Rafael''': I'm just fine. It's you who's blind to what's going on. You're fighting on the wrong side. :'''Yami Yugi''': Explain yourself. :'''Rafael''': This world's a dark and lonely place to live. It's been poisoned by mankind. All I'm trying to do is fix what's been ruined by people like you, and I'll do it by locking your spirit away for good. :'''Yami Yugi''': Who do you think you are? :'''Rafael''': Look, The name's Rafael, and I called you here to duel, not shoot the breeze. I've waited for this moment long enough and I have no intention of putting our fight off for another minute, so let's go. :'''Yami Yugi''': You've given me no choice. But know this, in the end righteousness will prevail and justice shall be served. ''[activates his KC mass production duel disk]'' :'''Rafael''': That's just what I'm hoping for. ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' :'''Pharaoh and Rafael''': Let's duel! ''[their life points to 4000]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rex Raptor''': Hey Weevil, Check it out. :'''Weevil Underwood''': Yugi started dueling already. ====Part 2==== :'''Rafael''': Well, for starters, He's a better leader than you were. That's right Pharaoh. My master told me all about your history as the king of Eqypt; How you ruled as an evil dictator using the power of the shadow realm to control your subjects. :'''Yami Yugi''': Wake up. ''He'' lied. :'''Rafael''': How would you know? You have no memory of your past. So isn't it possible that you're responsible for the destruction of Egypt?! Think about it! :'''Yami Yugi''': It can't be. I know I was a worthy pharaoh. I'm the one who locked the dark magic away! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh, no! :'''Yami Yugi''': Let go! :'''Yugi''': No! You don't know what you're doing! :'''Yami Yugi''': Let go! :'''Yugi''': Listen to me! This card is affecting your mind! :'''Yami Yugi''': We're going to lose the duel! Can't you see?! Trust me! It's the only way, Yugi! We must do this! Now let me go! :'''Yugi''': Please don't play that card! :'''Yami Yugi''': Now I activate the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Rafael''': ''[thinking]'' ''Excellent''. :''[The Pharaoh activates the card]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''What have I done?'' :'''Yugi''': No! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Do you guys see what I see!? :'''Tristan''': Is that light what I think it is!? :'''Joey''': The Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Rafael''': Nice work, Pharaoh. I knew you had it in you. Now, let's see what the Orichalcos reveals about you. Are you good or are you evil? So, tell me. How do ya feel? ''[laughing]'' :''[To Be Continued...]'' ====Part 3==== :'''Yami Yugi''': What have you done to my dragon!? :'''Rafael''': It's not what I've done.... It's what ''you've'' done by playing that magic card. Guess I should warned ya. Timaeus and the Orichalcos don't mix. But at least your dark side's been set free. :'''Yami Yugi''': What have I unleashed? ''[screaming]'' You were a fool to hand me this card! For when you lose, you soul will be for all eternity where it belongs! Now I activate Hand Control! All I need to do is correctly guess the name of a card in your hand and I can activate it! And since I gave you the necromancy card, I know you're holding it! Now it's mine! Ha! Necromancy allows me to bring four monsters back from my graveyard! So return to me Big Shield Gardna... Berfomet... Gazelle the king of mythical beasts... and Kuribabylon! Next I'll sacrifice Gazelle and Berfomet so I can summon my Dark Magician! Then I'll separate my Kuribabylon into the five Kuriboh brothers I used to create it! Now my monsters, feel the power of the orichalcos! <hr width50%> :'''Yugi''': Hey, where am I? The Seal of Oricahlcos! No! ''He'' played it! What have you done, Pharaoh? <hr width50%> :'''Joey''': YUGI! :'''Tristan''': No way, dude! :'''Joey''': What's going on? Why's that oricahlcos thingy on Yugi's forehead. :''[Joey, Tristan and Duke jumped in next Weevil and Rex.]'' :'''Rex''': You guys just missed the best part. :'''Duke''': Yeah? Then why don't you two fill us in. :'''Tristan''': I don't trust these twerps as far as I can throw 'em. :'''Joey''': Hey! ''[grubs Weevil]'' My best buddy's got that freaky ding on his head and I want answers now! :'''Weevil''': Why don't you take your paws off of me and try asking nicely! :'''Joey''': Wrong answer. Now it's go time! :'''Weevil''': Don't hurt me, Don't hurt me... :'''Rex''': It's the Seal of Oricahlcos! :'''Weevil''': ...Don't hurt me, Don't hurt me... :'''Rex''': Yugi got it from that big muscle guy and then activated it! :'''Weevil''': ...Don't hurt me, Don't hurt me. :''[Joey lets go off Weevil and he, Tristan and Duke gasps sees Yami Yugi faces Rafael and he using that evil spell card in horrified and Weevil panting.]'' :'''Joey''': Yugi ''wouldn't'' do that! He knows that card is ''evil!'' :''[The Pharaoh growls as the Orichalcos appears on his forehead]'' <hr width50%> :'''Weevil''': Alright, guys, If Yugi loses I call dibs on his Dark Magician. :'''Rex''': That's not cool. Why don't you show some compassion for a change... and let me take his Dark Magician. :'''Joey''': Watch it! <hr width50%> :'''Joey''': That doesn't sound like to Yugi I know. Come on pal... Snap out of it! <hr width50%> :''[In the far corners of Yugi's subconscious mind]'' :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh, NO! The Seal of Orichalcos is in play! So the monsters on the field are real! Please don't sacrifice the Dark Magician Girl! <hr width50%> :'''Tristan''': Earth to Joey, are you there, man? :'''Joey''': I'm here, but Yug's not. he's brainwashed! :'''Tristan''': Say what?! :''[Duke gasps]'' :'''Joey''': He's sacrificing his monsters left and right and talking about "power." That's not Yugi's style a duelin' at all! That oricahlcos ding is messin' with his head! Just like it did to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|Mai!]] :''[In the far corners of Yugi's subconscious mind]'' :'''Yugi''': ''[in tears]'' How could ''he'' do this? That card is evil. I warned him. <hr width50%> :'''Rafael''': You let your rage take over. Now look into the eyes of your monsters! :'''Yami Yugi''': Please forgive me for what I've done to you! <hr width50%> :'''Rafael''': Guardian Eatos, destroy his monsters and the rest of his life points! <hr width50%> :'''Yami Yugi''': '''NO!''' :'''Rex''': No way! Yugi actually lost! :'''Duke''': This can't be! :'''Tristan''': Oh man! :'''Joey''': Yugi! :''[In the far corners of Yugi's subconscious mind]'' :'''Yugi''': If he lost the duel. Then he'll loses his soul! :'''Rafael''': ''[laughing]'' Time for you to pay up, Pharaoh. The Seal of Oricahlcos never leaves the field without taking something along for the ride. And this time it's you, and you have yourself to blame 'cause you sealed your own fate when you played that card. Now your life-force will awaken the Great Beast. :''[In the far corners of Yugi's subconscious mind]'' :'''Yugi''': Not if I can help! With all the power of the Millennium Puzzle, I break the Seal! <hr width50%> :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh, I won't let his happen to you! :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi, no! What are you doing here!? :'''Yugi''': It only needs one of us. So I'm letting the Seal take ME instead. :'''Yami Yugi''': NO! YUGI! <hr width50%> :'''Rafael''': Adios, Your Highness. :''[The Pharaoh collapses]'' :'''Joey''': Hey! You alright pal!? :'''Weevil''': I doubt it. :'''Rex''': Yeah Ditto. :'''Duke''': This is nuts. :'''Tristan''': Come on, pal. :'''Joey''': Yugi, Get up! Please, Yug! :'''Rafael''': You won't be needing these anymore. <hr width50%> :'''Weevil''': Ha! Hey, Rex. :'''Rex''': I know exactly what you're thinking. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Pharaoh wakes up]'' :'''Tristan''': He's awake! :'''Joey''': I knew you outsmart that big goon. So How'd ya Yug, How did you escape. ''[sees the Pharaoh crying]'' Everything alright pal? :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[in tears]'' No, Joey. It's far from alright. I didn't outsmart him. He succeeded. Yugi's gone. :'''Joey/Tristan/Duke''': Whoa! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Great Leviathan, Please accept my latest offering. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': I don't get it. How can you be talkin' to us if ''he'' took your soul? :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[in tears]'' Not mine! Yugi's! IT'S ALL MY FAULT! YUGI, COME BACK! IT SHOULD'VE BEEN ME, NOT HIM! IT'S NOT FAIR! ===''Trial by Stone'' [4.15]=== :''[Rex and Weevil followed Rafael on the helicopter]'' :'''Rex''': He's getting away! We have to get our hands on one of those orichalcos magic cards. Just a little more! :'''Rex and Weevil''': ''[screaming]'' :'''Rex''': This is all your fault! Help! Mommy, I'm falling! :'''Rafael''': Oh, great. :'''Rex and Weevil''': Huh?! phew. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tea''': How'd it go? Is everything OK? :'''Joey''': Not quite. We got a problem guys. :'''Tea''': What do you mean? :'''Duke''': Yugi didn't win. :'''Tristan''': He's gone. :'''Tea''': Wha- :'''Tristan''': You heard me. Yugi got beat, Tea! :'''Tea''': You're wrong! If Yugi really lost that duel, those creeps would have taken his soul with their freaky magic card, Tristan! :'''Joey''': So what's your point, Tea? :'''Tea''': My point!? If he's lost how can he be standing right... ''[gasps and turns around looks at the Pharaoh]'' behind me? Oh no. :'''Rebecca''': Yugi, talk to me. What's wrong!? Why are you acting so strange!? :'''Yami Yugi''': Rebecca, they got him. :'''Rebecca''': Got who? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi. ''[Flashes back to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|their last duel as the Seal took Yugi instead]].]'' I know. This whole thing's my fault. I'm the one who unleashed the magic that took Yugi away. :'''Rebecca''': You knew that card was evil and you still played it!? If you really were a brave pharaoh, you would never have done something like that to poor, little Yugi! :'''Tea''': Now hold on. :'''Rebecca''': Oh, Tea! ''[sobbing]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm afraid Rebecca's right. :'''Tea''': Huh? :'''Joey''': What's done is done. :'''Yami Yugi''': I let everyone down. Especially Yugi. He warned me not to play the Seal of Oricalcos card, but my rage took control. ''[Flashes back to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|their first duel, the Pharaoh activated The Seal of Oricalcos card]].]'' He paid for my mistake. :'''Joey''': You got to ''snap'' outta this! :'''Yami Yugi''': He's gone, and it's all my fault. :'''Joey''': Get a grip, man! :'''Téa''': Joey! :'''Joey''': If we're gonna rescue Yugi, We gotta move ahead, not look back, So pull yourself together! What we gotta do now is find out who this Dartz guy is and where ''he'' keeps all these souls! :'''Duke''': I've been suggesting we do that since day one, but nobody listens to me. :'''Tristan''': Stop thinking about yourself for once, Duke! :'''Duke''': Down, boy. Heel! :'''Yami Yugi''': Let him go, Tristan! :'''Tristan''': Huh? :'''Yami Yugi''': This happened because I couldn't control my anger, and if we keep fighting amongst ourselves, the orichalcos will destroy us. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': You’re about to meet our master, so don’t anything to stupid. :'''Alister''': Yeah, He doesn’t have as much patience as we do. :'''Rex and Weevil''': gulped. :''[They opened the door]'' :'''Rafael''': Mission accomplished, Master. :'''Weevil''': We're gonna become super villains. :''[Rex and Weevil giggling]'' :'''Rafael''': You'll be happy to know the strongest soul on Earth has been captured, Master Dartz. :'''Dartz''': Ah, yes. The Pharaoh. :'''Weevil''': Pharaoh? :'''Rex''': What pharaoh? :'''Dartz''': Unfortunately, you failed again. ''[chair turns around wears a suit]'' :'''Valon''': ''[walks in with an arm in sling]'' That's right. The soul of the Pharaoh is still out there, Rafael. :'''Rafael''': ''[shocked]'' What?! :'''Alister''': ''[shocked]'' Huh?! :'''Dartz''': Now watch and learn. :''[Weevil whimping]'' :'''Rex''': What's that? :'''Dartz''': The Pharaoh's [[w:Rebirth|spirit inhabits the body]] of a young man. And what we have here is a clear case of mistaken identity. :''[Camera zooming towards image of Yugi Muto in stone]'' :'''Rex''': ''[shocked]'' No way! :'''Weevil''': ''[shocked]'' Yugi?! :'''Valon''': Instead of the Pharaoh, ''you'' got the soul of some kid! :'''Rafael''': I still don't understand. :'''Dartz''': Then you need to clean out your ears, you oversized baboon. Both of their spirits inhabit one body! Get it!? ''You'' captured the wrong soul! :'''Rafael''': But how!? I’m pretty sure ''I'' was dueling the Pharaoh! So the Orichcalos should have sealed him! :'''Dartz''': Well, apparently you're not as perceptive as you think you are because ''he'' got away! :'''Rafael''': That Punk! :'''Dartz''': There's no ''one'' to blame but ''yourself''! :'''Rafael''': I can fixed this, If you’ll let me. :'''Weevil''': Hey! :'''Valon, Dartz, Rafael and Alister''': ''[spots at Rex Raptor and Weevil Underwood]'' Huh? :'''Weevil''': Let's go! :'''Rex''': Go where? :''[Rex and Weevil run to Valon, Dartz, Rafael and Alister and knees on]'' :'''Weevil''': Might I suggest something, sir? :'''Rex''': Like a better hideout? :'''Weevil''': Quiet! ''[bangs Rex's head]'' :'''Rex''': Ow! I'm just trying to be helpful. :'''Dartz''': Who are these two? :'''Rex''': Haven't you heard of us? Former regional duel monsters champions? :'''Rafael''': They're just a couple of wanna-be duelists who followed us here. They probably never even played the game. :'''Weevil''': Never played the game?! :'''Rex''': Wanna-bes?! We're great duelists, but we came here to become even better. :'''Weevil''': Yugi and his friends have been making fools of us for years. ''[flashbacks to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 1)#The Ultimate Great Moth|Yugi and Weevil's duel with the Summoned Skull and The Great Moth in defeat,]] and then [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 1)#Trial by Red-Eyes|Joey and Rex's duel with a Time Wizard and Red Eyes Black Dragon in defeat]] at Duelist Kingdom. flashback ends]'' Before ''they'' showed up, we ''ruled the duels.'' But lately it seems like we're just the butt of everyone's jokes. :'''Rex''': And no ''one'' likes being a butt. :'''Weevil''': Uh, What he means is, we want nothing more than to have our revenge. So, please, mister Dartz, sir, share your dueling secrets with us and we'll help you get what you want. :'''Rex''': Please! :'''Dartz''': It won't be easy. The Pharaoh and his little friends wield the power of the legendary dragons. How do you intend to fight against cards like those? :'''Weevil''': That's exactly why we need your help, sir. :'''Rex''': Yeah, Weevil and I need the seal of orichalcos. :'''Dartz''': You know, Before I share my power with you, I have to make sure you're worthy. :'''Weevil''': Give us a chance to prove it. :'''Rex''': We'll do anything. :'''Dartz''': Very well. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Deliver to me the soul of the Pharaoh and his companion young Joseph Wheeler. The Orichcalos is with you. Used it correctly and victory is yours. :'''Rex and Weevil''': Yes, sir. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Back inside the caravan]'' :'''Joey''': So they wanna rule the world. We've dealt with that before. :'''Yami Yugi''': No, Joey, this time things are different. :'''Tristan''': Yeah, They're not just talking about wiping out all life on earth, they're doing it! :'''Joey''': But we know how to stop 'em. :'''Tristan''': Huh? :'''Joey''': We got to go straight to the source and destroy that secret weapon of theirs. :'''Tea''': You mean [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Legend_of_the_Dragons|that weird monster-zapper in the sky?]] :'''Tristan''': Unfortunately, that thing's after more than just monsters. it's using human souls to power itself up so it can wipe out the rest of us. :'''Joey''': Yeah, and right now that thing's got Yugi, so I don't know about you, but I'm not gonna stand here twiddling my thumbs. I'm gonna take action. :'''Tea''': Look, Joey, I wanna help Yugi too, but we can't just fight this thing by ourselves. We need help. :'''Rebecca''': No, Tea. :'''Tea''': Huh? :'''Rebecca''': In case you forgot, Those jerks burned down my grandpa's laboratory and destroyed all his research. And without any hard evidence, there's no way anyone's gonna believe our story. :'''Tea''': But we have proof. It's all down in those underwater ruins. :'''Rebecca''': Whatever was there won't be of any help to us now. The ruins are gone, guys. :'''Tea''': Someone ruined the ruins? :'''Duke''': They're one step ahead of us. :'''Arthur''': ''[opens the door]'' Don't give up so easily. :'''Rebecca''': Gramps, you're awake. :'''Tea''': Yeah, shouldn't you be resting? :'''Arthur''': I'll be fine. Anyway who could sleep with you kids chit chatting all day? Besides, I can help you find the information you need. You're right about looking to the ruins for answers. :'''Yami Yugi''': So did you discover anything more about these thugs? :'''Arthur''': Well, I can't be sure, but based on the inscriptions I found, there's a good chance these fellows are descendants of Atlantis, an ancient continent said to have disappeared into the ocean thousands of years ago without a trace. :'''Tea''': Are you sure? :'''Duke''': Professor, If your hunch is right, Why would these people want to destroy what was left of their ancestors' city? :'''Arthur''': They must be trying to hide something. Those ruins revealed the history of Atlantis, and it's not a pleasant one. They must what to keep it a secret. :'''Yami Yugi''': How much of this history do you know? :'''Arthur''': Thousands of years ago, Atlantis was home to the most advanced civilization the world had ever known. It truly was a paradise on earth, a land of eternal tranquility where everyone lived in peace until one day, when a dreadful creature was called forth from the depths of the earth by an evil king. :'''Yami Yugi''': An evil king? Oh, no. ''[Flashes back to their first duel, Rafael told Pharaoh heard about the Pharaoh are the one responsible for the destroy Egypt.]'' :'''Tea''': ''[worried]'' What's wrong? Are you OK? :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm fine. :'''Arthur''': It seems this power hungry king drew his evil strength from a mysterious stone, and this stone drew it's strength from another world. :'''Joey''': It's that rock they wear on their neck, Isn't it? :'''Arthur''': I'm not sure. That's all I was able to translate. :'''Joey''': NO! :'''Tristan''': Chill out, man. you'll blow a gasket. :'''Joey''': You guys don't get it, do you? Those Atlantis freaks are trying to cover something up about this ancient mega-monster. :'''Duke''': Of course. There was probably something written in those ruins about how to destroy that thing before it destroys us. :'''Tristan''': I get it. Hey, Joey, I guess you had your good idea for the year. :'''Arthur''': The ruins may have been destroyed, but there are copies of the inscriptions at a museum. It's in [[Florida]], where I was doing my underwater research. :'''Tea''': Perfect. So all we have to do is go there and translate the rest. :'''Arthur''': Mm-hmm. :'''Joey''': What are we waiting for? Let's head to sunshine state and find out the secret to defeating these guys and saving Yugi, right? :'''Tristan''': I'm right behind ya, man! Goodbye to Death Valley, Hello to fun in the sun. :'''Duke''': That's great. Just one question: How are we supposed to get there? :'''Tristan''': We're doomed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kaiba''': ''[after hearing what happened to Yugi over the phone]'' YUGI LOST?! Yugi gave up his Duel Monsters crown to some nobody?! No one deserves that title but me! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[calmly]'' Hold on. :'''Kaiba''': I don't wanna hear another word! You're a disgrace to the game, Yugi! ''[hangs up]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': I'll book our flights and we'll take a train to the airport. I just hope we can save Yugi before it's too late. ===''On the Wrong Track'' [4.16-18]=== ====Part 1==== :''[at the train station]'' :'''Téa''': How this train ride anyway? :'''Joey''': Too long. :'''Téa''': ''[sighs]'' Any chance you wanna go instead of me, Duke? :'''Duke''': No can do, Téa. I gotta stick with Professor Hawkins in case those biker punks come back. :'''Tristan''': Duke's right. Plus he's gonna keep an eye on Rebecca too. :''[Flashback to Rebecca and Arthur see Pharaoh and his friends leaving]'' :'''Rebecca''': I wanna go too! They need a brain like mine to figure out how to save Yugi! Please!? :'''Arthur''': It's too dangerous. And the Pharaoh has enough on his mind already. :'''Rebecca''': Huh? :'''Arthur''': The last thing he needs is the responsibility of looking after you. His closest friend in the world's been taken from him. :'''Rebecca''': ''[cries ran back to the caravan]'' You don't understand anything, Grandpa! :'''Arthur''': Rebecca, wait! It's for your own good! :''[the flashback ends]'' :'''Duke''': You better get on the train before you miss your ride. :'''Joey''': We got plenty of time. :'''Tristan''': No, we don’t. :'''Joey''': Like I said "All Aboard!" :'''Téa''': Take care, Duke. :''[Joey, Tristan, Pharaoh and Téa are onboard the train carriages as the train horns blares and the train departed from the station as Duke waves to them.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Téa''': Come on, you gotta cheer up. I promise we'll get Yugi back. But in the meantime, you can't just sit around moping. It might feel better to talk about it. We can even come up with a plan together. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[sighs, gets up the seat and sadly walked off alone]'' Sorry Téa. :'''Téa''': Poor guy. ''[watches the Pharaoh walked off alone feeling sad after he lost the duel with Rafael]'' :'''Tristan''': Just let him go, Téa. :'''Téa''': Huh? :'''Tristan''': I think he needs to be alone for a while you know? :'''Joey''': He's already alone. :'''Téa and Tristan''': Huh? :'''Joey''': Isn't that the whole problem? He’s crushed. But he’ll be alright soon enough. ‘Cause we’re going to rescue Yugi, right guys? :'''Téa''': There’s no doubt. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' How could ''I'' have been so selfish? I gave in to the darkness within my heart... and Yugi paid the price. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|their last duel with Rafael as the Seal took Yugi instead]].]'' I've lost him forever. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tea''': ''[sighs]'' He's been gone for a while. :'''Tristan''': ''[notices the passengers are empty]'' Hey, Hold on. He's not the only one! :'''Joey''': Huh? :'''Tristan''': Call me crazy. But wasn't this train completely filled with passengers just a minute ago?! What's the deal!? How can a train full of people all of a sudden be empty!? :'''Joey''': What?! :''[Joey and Tea sees passengers are empty]'' :'''Tea''': Alright. Now I'm officially freaked out! :''[back at Dartz's lair]'' :'''Dartz''': ''[evilly laughter]'' A vacant train is the least of your problems, my young friends. I'm just getting warmed up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tea''': There you are. :'''Yami Yugi''': Huh? :'''Joey''': 'Case you haven't noticed, Something weird's going on. :'''Tristan''': If you asked me. I'd say this whole train ride is another trap. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[gasp]'' :'''Joey''': I'm sure those same slime balls are behind this. and I bet they're onboard. :'''Tristan''': Well what are we standing here for? Let's get 'em! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': Pharaoh! Tea! Whatta we do now!? :'''Yami Yugi''': Get help! :'''Tea''': Come on, we have to find a way to stop this train! :'''Tristan''': Hey, we're slowing down! You heard 'em. we gotta get help. :'''Joey''': I know... but there's a problem. ''[he and Tristan jumps off the rail coaches]'' We're in the middle of nowhere! and we don't even know those two are gonna end up. Bye, guys. Hang in there. :'''Tristan''': I guess it's just you and me now. :'''Joey''': Hmm ''[sees Rex appears snickers in the railcar with his chaos duel disk on.]'' Huh? Rex!? What are you doing here? :'''Rex Raptor''': ''[jumps off the rail coaches and walks towards Joey and Tristan]'' I still have a score to settle with you, Wheeler. Remember? You tooked my Red Eyes Black Dragon. :'''Joey''': Rex, This is not the time. :'''Rex''': It’s the perfect time for revenge. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[sees Weevil appears on top of this train with his chaos duel disk on]'' Weevil Underwood! Are you behind this!? You'd better start explaining yourself! :'''Tea Gardner''': Weevil? What are you what with us, worm boy! :'''Weevil Underwood''': What are you think I what? A rematched with the king of games! :'''Tea Gardner''': Are you nuts!? :'''Weevil Underwood''': I'm just in the mood for a friendly duel. :'''Yami Yugi''': Weevil, Who put you up to this? :'''Weevil Underwood''': No one did. I figured this was a good time to test out my new secret weapon, that's all. :'''Tristan Taylor''': Is that magic rock the professor told us about it! Where did you find that thing, Raptor!? :'''Joey Wheeler''': I knew it! ''He's'' working for ''them!'' :''[back on the train]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': You've been brainwashed, Weevil! :'''Téa''': Wake up! Those guys are just using you! :'''Weevil''': Who cares! as long as I have ultimate power! :'''Yami Yugi''': You're ''wrong!'' :'''Weevil''': Then just duel ''me!'' :'''Téa''': Wait a minute! :'''Yami Yugi''': Huh? Téa, no! It's too dangerous! :'''Téa''': Weevil! Don't you realize that if you go through with this duel, one of you guys is gonna lose your soul forever!? :'''Yami Yugi''': Téa. :'''Weevil''': Of course I do, Téa. That's the whole reason I'm here! To make him pay by ''sealing him away!'' :'''Téa''': Oh! :'''Yami Yugi''': Oh no! :'''Weevil''': Don't worry. Soon you'll be locked away with your friend Yugi, Pharaoh! ''[laughing]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Where is ''he!?'' Tell me! :'''Weevil''': I'm afraid the only way to find out is to duel me. so if you back down now, then you'll never see that little twerp again! :'''Yami Yugi''': Very well! Then let's duel! :'''Weevil''': ''[laughing]'' Wise choice, Pharaoh! ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' :'''Rex''': ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' I'm gonna enjoy this! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey Wheeler''': What did you do to my friends!? :'''Rex Raptor''': Nothing! Weevil's dealing with those two losers why I handled you two. :'''Tristan Taylor''': Weevil? So he's in on this train too. :'''Joey''': Rex, you guys pick the wrong side to join. :'''Rex''': Oh really? Well, we'll just see about that won't we. I've been given more power then you ever dreamed of! :'''Joey''': ''[growl]'' Look, Rex, not only can I duel circles around your sorry behind but you're half my size! So why don't you get out of my way before I step on you! :'''Rex''': Sorry, pal. I'm not going anywhere till we duel! So draw your cards and let's get it on, chump! I've got a duel to win! :'''Tristan''': Now what? :'''Joey''': ''[sighs]'' I warned them. Now let's trample this geek and then go find Yugi and Téa. :'''Tristan''': Good call. :'''Rex''': Oh yeah? You'll change your mind when ''I'' activate this card! :'''Joey and Tristan''': Huh? :'''Rex''': ''[snickers and holds up "The Seal of Orichalcos" card]'' Look familiar!? :'''Tristan''': The Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Joey''': Drop the card! That thing is evil, Rex. I'm telling ya, you have no idea what you're doing! :'''Rex''': You're not so tough now! Are you, Wheeler! ''[laughs and activates the card]'' :'''Joey''': ''He'' played it! :''[Joey and Tristan grunting and as Rex screams]'' :'''Tristan''': Aah! :'''Joey''': No, Tristan! :'''Rex''': Ahh! Ha Ha Ha! Now... That's what I call power. :'''Joey''': What was ''he'' thinking playing that! :'''Tristan''': Be careful, man! He just raised the stakes a this duel big time! Now who ever loses the game, loses their soul! :'''Joey''': Gee, Thanks for the reminder. :'''Rex''': Let's do this. It's payback time! :'''Joey''': Sorry, Rex. ''I'' won't duel ''you!'' :'''Rex''': You don't have much ''choice!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Weevil Underwood''': I won’t keep you in suspense any longer! ''[snickers]'' It’s my move! ''[holds up "The Seal of Orichalcos" card]'' And I think I’ll play the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Yami Yugi''': Weevil, don’t be a fool! :'''Weevil Underwood''': What seems to be the problem, Pharaoh? You’ve played this card before, haven’t you? If I’m not mistaken, this is what you used to lock little Yugi away! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Looks like the battles are underway. :'''Rafael''': Yes, Master. And if all goes well, the soul of the Pharaoh will soon be yours. Of course, we win no matter what, because whatever the final outcome is, we get two souls. :'''Dartz''': ''[evilly snickers]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rex Raptor''': Are you gonna duel, Wheeler? or just stand there like a loser while I take you apart? :'''Joey Wheeler''': I got no choice. Alright I didn't wanna do this... But you got yourself a duel! :'''Tristan Taylor''': Are you sure? :'''Joey Wheeler''': It's the only way to save Yuge, so yes. :'''Rex Raptor''': Good answer. I've been waiting for this moment for years. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': ''[evilly snickers]'' It won't be long now. The soul of the Pharaoh is nearly in my grasp. After all we have the perfect bait. ''[evilly laughter]'' :''[To Be Continued...]'' ====Part 2==== :''[Joey and Rex were still dueling with Panther Warrior, the two Gilasaurus and Kaitoptera still on the field]'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': Dude, you've got three dinos breathing down your neck! You better think of something before you're extinct! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Gee, thanks. :'''Rex Raptor''': You're in way over your head! Thanks to the Seal of Orichalcos, I can never be beat, but enough talk! On with the Duel! ''[draws Polymerization from his Deck]'' It's showtime. First, I'll use Polymerization to combine my Gilasaurus with my Kaitoptera to form Horned Saurus! ''[Horned Saurus appears on the field]'' But you ain't seen nothing yet! Next I'll play Giant Rex! ''[Giant Rex also appears on the field]'' And the Seal of Orichalcos gives my Jurassic giants a power boost! ''[Horned Saurus' and Giant Rex's eyes glow red as the Seal of Orichalcos raises their attack by 500]'' Time to get prehistoric on you, Wheeler, by letting my ravenous meat-eaters chow down on your Life Points! My Horned Saurus is up first! Now, attack Wheeler directly! :'''Tristan Taylor''': How can he do that when you've got a monster on the field? :'''Rex Raptor''': Easy, Horned Saurus has a special ability that lets him bypass your monsters and go straight for your Life Points! Tough break. ''[Horned Saurus fires a shockwave blast on top of Joey, making Joey's Life Points drop to 1500]'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': That runt is kicking your butt! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Thanks for the help. You're a real pal. :'''Rex Raptor''': For my next trick, Giant Rex will make your Panther Warrior disappear! ''[Giant Rex attack and destroys Panther Warrior]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Be patient, Great Leviathan. Soon the soul of the Pharaoh shall be yours. ''[evil laughing]'' :'''Weevil''': ''[chucking]'' You’re about to pay the ultimate price, and I’ll be known as the duelist who dethroned the king of games! :''[To Be Continued...]'' ====Part 3==== :'''Yami Yugi''': My dragon! He abandoned me! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rex Raptor''': Please Save me! ''[screaming as the Oricalchos claims Rex's soul]'' :'''Joey Wheeler''': ''Sorry, Rex. It's the only way.'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': Rex! Come on, man wake up! I know you're in there somewhere so snap out of it. :'''Joey Wheeler''': It's no use, Tristan. The Orichalcos has him now. But I promise we'll get him back. As soon as we find Pegasus and Yugi. :'''Tristan Taylor''': Yeah, but how? :'''Joey Wheeler''': But first we gotta figured out where this Dartz guy hangs out. Find him, and we'll find them. YOU HEAR ME, DARTZ?! WE'RE COMING TO GET YOU! AND WE'RE NOT LEAVING WITHOUT OUR FRIENDS! ''[echoes]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Yami Yugi and Weevil's Duel is still underway with Breaker the Magical Warrior, Poison Butterfly and Armored Centipede on the field]'' :'''Weevil Underwood''': I'll tell you what. Because I feel sorry for you, I'd be willing to do you a little favor before you lose. I have a card in my pocket I think you'd like to see. I can't wait to see the look on your face! ''[laughs hysterically]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[snarls]'' ''Weevil!'' :'''Weevil Underwood''': Relax, Pharaoh, I'm just trying to be nice. It's the least I can do to repay you for ruining my life. You wanna see Yugi, right? ''[the flashback cuts in]'' His spirit is trapped, deep in the caverns of Dartz's lair, and I know how to set him free! ''[cuts back to the present]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Tell me how to save him right now! :'''Weevil Underwood''': ''[laughs]'' Very well. In order to release his soul, you'll need a special card. ''[takes out a Gokibore card out of his pocket]'' And I've got it right here. :'''Yami Yugi''': What?! Then hand it to me now! :'''Weevil Underwood''': That's not a nice way to ask! Why don't you try saying, "Pretty please, with sugar on top"? ''[Yami Yugi walks short, but realizes that Weevil was bluffing]'' Oh, well, too late! So it looks like I'll have to teach you a lesson in manners! Now say goodbye! ''[rips the Gokibore card in half]'' Yugi's gone FOREVER! ''[Yami Yugi, having witnessed Weevil rip the card, suddenly erupts into an uncontrollable rage]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[roars ferociously]'' '''NO!''' :'''Weevil Underwood''': ''[laughing]'' :'''Tea Gardner''': ''[in tears]'' No. Poor Yugi. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[furiously]'' You snake! :'''Weevil Underwood''': ''[laughs]'' Don’t you know a joke when you hear one? I tore up a useless bug card. :'''Tea Gardner''': Huh? ''[anger]'' Weevil, That’s not very funny! :'''Weevil Underwood''': You people have no sense of humour! :'''Yami Yugi''': You'll pay for that! You hear me, Weevil!? :'''Weevil Underwood''': Ha! Huh? :'''Yami Yugi''': You'll pay dearly! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Weevil Underwood''': ''[thinking]'' Yugi's been planning this all along! :'''Yami Yugi''': It's the beginning of the end for you! ''[draws a monster card from his Deck]'' I've drawn Queen's Knight! ''[discards Queen's Knight to the Graveyard]'' And since it's a monster, my warrior can attack! Go! ''[Breaker attacks Weevil's Life Points, making them go to 700]'' Now, for my next card! ''[draws Gazelle the King of Mythical Beasts]'' Looks like you're out of luck. Attack again! ''[Breaker makes a second attack at Weevil, making Weevil's Life Points drop to 0]'' I draw again! ''[draws Big Shield Gardna]'' Another monster! ''[Breaker delivers the third blow to Weevil]'' This just isn't your day! ''[draws Alpha the Magnet Warrior and Breaker attacks Weevil while Tea tearfully witnesses the moment]'' Breaker, attack him again! ''[Breaker delivers the last blow to Weevil, just as the Oricalchos claims Weevil's soul]'' Let's see. ''[draws Dark Magician Girl]'' Oh, well... :'''Tea Gardner''': ''[rushes to Yami Yugi in tears]'' Please, Pharaoh! No more! :'''Yami Yugi''': Let me go! :'''Tea Gardner''': You can stop now. It's over. You've already won the duel. The Seal of Oricalchos is gone. We have to put an end to all this. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''Tea's right'', ''[holds Dark Magician Girl card]'' ''I have a promise to keep.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': So many souls, so little time. The Great Leviathan is growing impatient. I must supply him with the power he needs to awaken… and for that, I need the soul of the Pharaoh. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Tell me where Yugi is! :'''Tea Gardner''': Pharaoh... It's no use. You won. So the Seal of Oricalcos took Weevil away. Pharaoh? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': No! I need him alive! ===''Self Destruction'' [4.19]=== :''[after the train derails and falling off the cliffs a passenger car on the river, at Dartz's lair Dartz not happy]'' :'''Dartz''': ''[stands up]'' Somehow I've lost contact with the Pharaoh. :'''Rafael''': Maybe he didn't survive the fall. :'''Dartz''': He did. However, Something or someone is hiding him from my vision. :'''Rafael''': Then let me be your eyes, Master. I'll track him down and make up for my failure. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chris''': ''[offscreen]'' Skye! Get back here! Skye! ''[appeared enter the tent]'' That's no way to treat our guests. ''[to Pharaoh and Téa]'' Sorry if she woke you up. :'''Yami Yugi''': Who are you? How did you find us? :'''Chris''': You can call me Chris. ''[giggles]'' And you've already met Skye. She's the one that found you. She was sniffing around for food and ended up sniffing out you guys instead. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ironheart''': I see your strength is back. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes, Thank you. :'''Ironheart''': Pleased to hear it. You two had me worried. By the way, the name is Ironheart, and I believe this belongs to you. Pardon me for being intrusive... But I couldn't help noticing you possess the legendary Eye of Timaeus... The only one of it's kind. :'''Yami Yugi''': Take it. I'm not deserving of it's power. :'''Téa Gardner''': That's not true. :'''Ironheart''': I'll hold it until you're ready. :'''Téa Gardner''': Did you find another kid? He had glasses and a bad haircut? He was on the train with us it crashed. :'''Ironheart''': No, I'm afraid you were the only ones we found. Perhaps your friend was able to escape before the train fell off that cliff. I assure you, there wasn't another soul on board. :'''Yami Yugi''': I highly doubt Weevil was able to escape. Not in the condition he was in. I'm afraid there's a greater power at work here. :'''Ironheart''': I must say, young man. You seem to possess a wisdom that reaches far beyond your years. Now, I've encountered many people in my travels... but there's something about you i've never seen before... something in your eyes. I'm also sensing that you hold a great deal of loneliness in your heart. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's because I recently lost a very close friend of mine. His name is Yugi Muto. And now... I'm on a journey to find his soul. :'''Ironheart''': What will you do if you find him? :'''Yami Yugi''': I’ll apologize for betraying his trust and abandoning him. :'''Ironheart''': Hmm. I might just be able to help. Follow me. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Rafael jumps on the rail carriage after the train falls off the cliff looking for the Pharaoh.]'' :'''Rafael''': Hey, Pharaoh! You in there or not!? How did he escape? ''[looks at the mountain]'' I'LL FIND YOU, PHARAOH, WHEREVER YOU ARE! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi Muto''': Is that really you? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi! :'''Tea''': Hey, It's him! :'''Yami Yugi''': I've found you! Hmm? :'''Yugi''': You came all this way just to see me? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes of course, I just want you to say how sorry I am. :'''Yugi''': I'm sorry too, I wish this whole thing never happened. :'''Yami Yugi''': It's my fault. I surrendered to my inner darkness. I allowed my anger to take over and you paid the price. But now that you're gone, The darkness is starting to grow without your light to keep me pure... I'm becoming evil, Yugi. I'm beginning to believe that what Rafael said about me is true. Perhaps I was a [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|wicked pharaoh]]. ''[Flashes back to their first duel, Rafael told Pharaoh heard about the Pharaoh are the one responsible for the destroy Egypt.]'' What if I am the one responsible for the destruction of Egypt? If I'm capable of such horrific behavior then it's my soul that should be locked away. :'''Yugi''': Well, What good is that now!? ''I'm'' the one who's been locked away forever, Not ''you''! :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm sorry? :'''Yugi''': Well, The last thing I need is your pity, Pharaoh! If You're really evil there's only thing to do. :'''Yami Yugi''': What are you saying? :'''Yugi''': ''[has chaos duel disk on his arm]'' You said it yourself, Didn't you? Your spirit should be locked away with mine. ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' And I'm gonna do it. :'''Yami Yugi''': Wait! You misunderstood me! :'''Yugi''': Oh, So now you're taking back what you said!? Make up your mind! ''You'' don't deserve to be a part of this world! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[shocked]'' Yugi. :'''Yugi''': It's about time you started taking some responsibility for what you've done! There's only one thing left to do and you know it! You need to be a man for once and face me in a duel now! :'''Yami Yugi''': No please. :'''Yugi''': Too late! It's time for you to pay! If you're really sorry then you'll do this! It's time to duel! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tea''': Wait, So he's gonna duel himself. But why? :'''Ironheart''': This is the only way. :'''Tea''': Huh? :'''Chris''': That's why we took you guys here. So the pharaoh can face his other half. He has to deal with what he did so he can put it all behind him and finally move on. :'''Tea''': How do you know all this stuff? :'''Chris''': We've always known this. We were taught that a warrior would come to save our world. And as soon as we found you guys, We knew that he was the one. :'''Tea''': So, what's he supposed to do now? :'''Ironheart''': His first step is to face his inner fears and conquer the darkness that lurks within his heart. But if he loses this battle, The pharaoh's spirit will remain here forever. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Why are ''you'' acting like this?! :'''Yugi''': I'm just a reflection of ''you''! :'''Yami Yugi''': What do you mean, Yugi!? :'''Yugi''': You don't get it, do you? You and I are exactly the same. So the darkness that's in your heart... is also inside my heart. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi, I wish I could take it back. :'''Yugi''': Too late! You've already shown me who you really are an evil pharaoh who cares only about himself! Face the Facts! ''You'' didn't care what happened to me so long as you had power! Now it's my turn! :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi, wait! Are you holding the card I think you are!? :'''Yugi''': It's sounds like your starting to catch on aren't you, your highness? This duel is a chance for you to look at yourself from the outside. And there's only one card that can make that happen... The Seal of Orichalcos. :'''Yami Yugi''': Huh!? Yugi, no! ''[gasps]'' :'''Yugi''': Now it's pay back time, For taken my soul! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi… Don’t do this! Snap out of it! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': YUGI NO! I won't let you do this! ''[screaming]'' '''STOP!''' I ACTIVATE THE TRAP CARD... DIVINE WIND! :'''Yugi''': He did it! He was able to reverse my attack and double its strength to win the duel! :''[blast on Yugi and he screams and making his Life Points drop to 0]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': What have I done!? Yugi! :'''Yugi''': ''[groaning]'' :'''Tea Gardner''': Is he alright? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi! ''[running towards Yugi]'' Come on! ''[holds his body]'' Speak to me, Please! :'''Yugi''': You passed the test, pal. :'''Yami Yugi''': What are you taking about, Yugi? Did you plan this all along? :'''Yugi''': It was the only way. By defeating me you were able to defeat the darkness that was inside your heart. It wasn’t easy, But you did what was best for me and for mankind. You acted like a true hero. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[in tears]'' But now what? What can I do? :'''Yugi''': Don't give up this fight. Remember... I'm aways with you. ''[disappears]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[gasps see Yugi disappears]'' I'll save you! No matter what it takes. ===''Reliving the Past'' [4.20]=== :'''Téa''': Seems like the Pharaoh's in pretty bad shape down there. :'''Ironheart''': Of course. There's still a hole in his heart has Yet to be filled. :'''Téa''': ''[worried; thinking]'' Poor, guy. He still blames himself for what happened to Yugi. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[cries in tears after the duel with Yugi]'' Yugi, If it weren’t for me, You'd still be here. I'll never forgive myself. ''[Flashes back to their [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|last duel as the Seal took Yugi instead]].]'' Mark my words! I won't rest you until I get you back! Uhh! It's not fair! I should be locked away! Not you! I’m the one ''who'' played that evil card! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Meet Orichalcos Gigas! Attack the Pharaoh! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': I've got you right where I what you, Pharaoh. ''[evilly chuckle]'' :''[Rafael watches the Pharaoh and the Orichalcos soldier were still dueling with Obnoxious Celtic Guardian and Orichalcos Gigas still on the field]'' :'''Rafael''': Let's see you get yourself outta this. :'''Tea Gardner''': He's about to lose! :'''Ironheart''': There is but one thing that can save him. :'''Chris''': The card he gave you? :'''Ironheart''': Mmm. ''[grabs the card]'' The Eye of Timaeus. The creature that fought by my side so long ago. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': ''[spots at Ironheart]'' Who is that? :'''Ironheart''': Pharaoh! Take this card! :'''Yami Yugi''': Ironheart!? :'''Dartz''': You've disrupted my plans for the last time, old man. :''[lightning bolt strikes on Ironheart]'' :'''Ironheart''': AAH! :'''Yami Yugi''': IRONHEART! NO! :'''Chris''': GRANDFATHER! :'''Ironheart''': ''[groaning and collapses and holds up "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' Please take this card from me. It's the only way to defeat the beast. :''[Orichalcos blocks the Pharaoh on the field]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': I can't get out! :'''Chris''': Grandpa! :'''Ironheart''': It's up to you. :'''Chris''': What do you mean, Gramps? :'''Ironheart''': ''[groaning]'' Take this... and bring it to the Pharaoh. ''[Chris grab "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' Otherwise, All hope is lost. Good luck. ''[disappears]'' :'''Chris''': ''[gasps, sees her grandfather disappears in tears]'' No, Grandpa! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Please, Chris, Turn back! It's far too dangerous! :'''Chris''': ''[running, holds up "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' Pharaoh, My Grandpa want you to have this! ''[lightning bolt strikes on Chris]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': NO! :'''Chris''': ''[screaming]'' AAAAAHHHH! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Chris, No! :'''Chris''': ''[gasping]'' Pharaoh... ''[holds up "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' Take this... please. :'''Yami Yugi''': What is it? :'''Chris''': ''[groaning]'' It's the only thing that can stop him. It saved us once... and with your help it can save us again. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[grab and hold the card]'' The Eye of Timaeus. :'''Chris''': ''[smile and eyes closed]'' I trust you, Pharaoh. Thank you. ''[disappears]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[see Chris disappears]'' Hold on! Come back! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': There's only one thing left to do, ''[looks at "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' I hope you deem me worthy of your power, ''[close his eyes]'' I’m truly sorry for having betrayed you. But the lives are so many innocent people are getting hurt and depending on you, So I asked you not for myself, But for all those at risk. Please help me, Timaeus. The future of two worlds hangs in the balance, ''[open his eyes]'' we must win! No matter what. ''[draws Dark Magician Girl card]'' Now I sacrifice my Celtic Guardian in order to summon Dark Magician Girl! ''[summons Dark Magician Girl]'' Next I'll play... The legendary Eye of Timaeus! :'''Dartz''': He'll never learn. :'''Rafael''': ''[surprised]'' I don't believe it. He should never have been able to summon that dragon! :'''Yami Yugi''': Dark Magician Girl, fuse with Timaeus, forming Dark Magician Girl the dragon knight! Next, I'll enhance your strength with my Excalibur magic card! Attack! Destroy his creature of darkness! ''[Timaeus fire blast and Dark Magician Girl rise the sword and blast on the Orichalcos Gigas and the Orichalcos Soldier Blasting light]'' YOU HEAR ME, DARTZ?! I'M COMING TO GET YOU! AND I'M NOT LEAVING WITHOUT MY FRIENDS! ''[echoes]'' :'''Dartz''': ''[thinking]'' This isn't over, Pharaoh. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey Wheeler''': I'm assuming you see that gigantic green sunset over there, right? :'''Tristan Taylor''': What do you think it is? :'''Joey''': Hmm? ''[holds "The Claw of Hermos" card glowing]'' I'm guessing it's got something to do with this. Let's just hope Téa and the Pharaoh are alright. Come on! ''[ran off]'' :'''Tristan''': Hey, Wait! It's your turn to carry Rex! ''[ran off to followed Joey]'' I know you can hear me! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[to Timaeus and Dark Magician Girl]'' Well done, my creatures. He's gone now. Thanks to you two. But I feel this is just the beginning. :'''Rafael''': I have to say I'm glad you won, Pharaoh. 'Cause now I can be the one who delivers your soul to Master Dartz. ''[walks away]'' :''[Tea spots at Ironheart, Chris and Skye along with the three legendary dragons in stone]'' :'''Tea Gardner''': Wait. That's a carving of Ironheart, Chris and Skye from 10,000 years ago? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes. :'''Tea Gardner''': So you mean to tell me that those guys were just ghosts or something? :'''Yami Yugi''': They're spirits who once fought a great war, and now they've been captured by Dartz. ''[Tea stands up then she and the Pharaoh turns around and walks away]'' This gives me three more reasons to hunt down this madman and bring peace to the world once again. ===''Deck of Armor'' [4.21]=== :'''Yami Yugi''': Take my hand. We're back where we left off. :'''Téa''': Nice. Now all we have to do is follow those railway tracks. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's right. If all goes well, they should lead us straight to Tristan and Joey. assuming they haven't wandered off. :'''Téa''': They better be there. We have to do what we set out to do. Figure out where this Dartz creep hangs out so we can set free everyone he captured. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes, Téa. I only wish it were that easy. :'''Téa''': And remind me never to get on the train again. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Inside Paradius headquarters Mai at the meeting room with Dartz, Valon, Rafael, and Alister after Joey defeats Rex Raptor at the middle of nowhere on the railway line]'' :'''Mai Valentine''': Just leave Joey Wheeler to me. :'''Rafael''': You'll do nothing until Master Dartz gives you an assignment. :'''Mai Valentine''': What is this, Third grade? I decide who I'm gonna duel for myself. I don't wait for the homework assignment. :'''Rafael''': Why don't you show a little respect? :'''Alister''': Come on, Raf, as if little miss loud mouth knows respect? :'''Mai Valentine''': What did you call me? :'''Rafael''': Relax. :'''Mai Valentine''': Look, I was doing perfectly fine until Johnny stuntman over there stepped in. If it wasn't for you, I would a won. As for you, I don't need some scrawny freak dictating my every move! I'm out of here, losers! ''[opens the door]'' Humph! ''[walks off alone]'' :'''Dartz''': Just let her go, Valon. :'''Valon''': Hmm? :'''Dartz''': She can try to run away from fate, But in the end she'll get what she deserves. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': I know you’re deep down you feel the way I do, Mai. :'''Mai''': What? :'''Valon''': That’s why we found each other. You’re just like me… Lonely and misunderstood. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duke Devlin''': ''[driving]'' Should we have left so soon? :'''Rebecca Hawkins''': Of course. Time is running out. We have to catch up with the others now. ''[inside the caravan, Arthur was asleep]'' Besides, Gramps can get just as much rest on the road. Plus, we can't translate those ancient ruins without his help, Duke. :'''Duke''': Huh? ''[spots at Valon with Mai Valentine]'' Hey Rebecca, look, It's Mai Valentine. But what's she doing here? Wait a sec! That guy... ''[Flashes back to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|Joey and Mai's first duel]], Duke saw Valon next to Rafael watching Mai against Joey]'' I recognize him. He's one of those biker punks that brainwashed Mai. ''[cuts back to the present]'' He works for Dartz. :'''Rebecca''': Stop the car, Duke! :'''Duke''': Rebecca! Hold on! We’re dealing with a lunatic here! :'''Rebecca''': Alright, Tell me what you did with Yugi?! You guys had no right to take him! :'''Valon''': Sorry, kid, Never heard of him. :'''Rebecca''': Well, maybe this’ll refresh your memory! I win, You talk! Let’s duel! :'''Duke''': No, Rebecca! It’s too dangerous! :'''Rebecca''': I’ll be fine. I’ve dueled tougher opponents than this. So what are you say, punk? Do we have a deal or not? :'''Valon''': You can’t be serious, kid. :'''Mai''': Here’s your big chance. Why don’t you show me your stuff. :'''Rebecca''': Let’s go. I don’t have all day. :'''Valon''': Well, why not? She could use a lesson in manners and I got five minutes to kill. Plus I can sho off a few of my new dueling strategies. Alright. You talked me into it, mate. Let’s have a go. :'''Duke''': Hold on! If you dueling her then you'll dueling me too, tough guy! :'''Valon''': Peachy. Then I’ll take both of you blokes on. Ha. ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' Pay attention, Mai. This is for you. :'''Duke''': Remember, Rebecca, don’t let him play the seal of Orichalcos. :'''Rebecca''': Got it. :'''Valon, Duke and Rebecca''': Let’s duel! <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :''[Valon defeats Rebecca Hawkins and Duke Devlin in their duel.]'' :'''Rebecca''': Fine, You won. Now leave us alone. :'''Duke''': Get lost. :'''Valon''': Very well then, I gotta message for Joey Wheeler, tell that punk he's next. ''[laughing, then spots at Mai hops on her motorcycle]'' Where are you going, Mai. :'''Mai''': I told you, I worked alone! ''[droves off]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Téa, do you see what I see? :'''Téa''': You mean all those weird lights? :'''Yami Yugi''': I fear it’s the great beast. The same thing happened when it emerged the first time. ''[thinking]'' ''We’re running out of time.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Yes, Great Leviathan. Keep feeding, my child. You’re almost ready. ''[evilly chuckling]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Inside the KaibaCorp Airplane where Seto and Mokuba sitting on the seat]'' :'''Mokuba Kaiba''': You think it’s true, Seto? I mean, could Yugi really have lost to one of Alister's partners in a duel? And does that mean he’s trapped somewhere now? :'''Seto Kaiba''': It just means Yugi’s not as perfect as everyone thinks he is, and he’s not worth my time. We’ve got more important things to do. ===''Flight of Fear'' [4.22-23]=== ====Part 1==== :''[Kaiba and Alister's rematch duel begins]'' :'''Alister''': As the challenger, I'll start! And I'll summon my Science Soldier in defense mode! That's all for now. :'''Seto''': How pathetic. My move! I summon X-Head Cannon in attack mode! Now, X-Head Cannon, attack! Looks like you're defenseless. :'''Mokuba''': ''[worried; thinking]'' If Alister plays that Seal of Orichalcos, Seto's in big trouble! :'''Alister''': No big deal. Watch this! I play Cyber Soldier of Dark World. And next, I'll place one card facedown and end my turn. :'''Seto''': What a joke! My move! I summon Y-Dragon Head in attack mode! Attack his Cyber Soldier of Dark World, now! And now, X-Head Cannon, attack his Life Points directly! :'''Mokuba''': ''[thinking]'' Alister's making this too easy. :'''Seto''': I think that's just about enough punishment for now. I end my turn. ''[sets a card facedown]'' :'''Alister''': You sound pretty confident, Kaiba, but you'll change your tune. You've been so pretty occupied with your own monsters, you forgot what I have waiting in my deck. I guess I'll have to remind you. It's the card I used on you last time and it changes the entire playing field! :'''Seto''': ''[realizes]'' Hold it! Did you just draw what I think you did, Alister?! ''[turns to Mokuba]'' Mokuba, GET BACK! :'''Alister''': ''[raises the card up in his hand which is The Seal of Orichalcos]'' I activate the Seal of Orichalcos! ''[laughs as the Seal of Orichalcos grows the circle which engulfs the room and knocks Mokuba away from it's boundary]'' :'''Seto''': Mokuba! ''[beams of green light shoot out of the plane and as Alister screams, the plane's controls end up being sabotaged, including the autopilot]'' This can't be real! ''[The Seal of Orichalcos rises Kaiba and Alister up to the top of the plane]'' What's going on, Alister? :'''Alister''': ''[with his eyes glowing red]'' I just needed some air, that's all. <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> ====Part 2==== <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Man''': Master Dartz, I've just received word from our business division. :'''Dartz''': Yes, go on. :'''Man''': The Takeover was a success. Congratulations, Master. Kaiba Corp now belongs to you. ===''Paradise Found'' [4.24]=== <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': I got the images, And my grandpa's looking them over now. :'''Yami Yugi''': Good. Let's meet up as soon as possible. Oh, And one more thing… I'm sorry. :'''Arthur Hawkins''': Rebecca, You can't blame the Pharaoh for what happened to Yugi. :'''Rebecca''': ''[looks at her grandfather worried]'' Huh? :'''Arthur''': There's far too much at stake for hurting his feelings. You must be so hard on him. Right now, We're all fighting a common enemy. And this data may be our only hope. :'''Rebecca''': ''[sadly]'' You're right. :'''Arthur''': Pharaoh, The quality of the images is much worse then I thought. Unless we clear up these photos I won’t be able to read much at all. :'''Seto Kaiba''': Set a course for Kaiba Corporation headquarters immediately. :'''Tristan''': Dude, are you nuts. :'''Tea''': Dartz and his gang must’ve taken over the place by now. :'''Seto Kaiba''': The only way we can process these images fast enough is by using computer system, so we have no choice. :'''Joey''': Say what?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Kaiba has a good point, Joey. :'''Joey''': He does? :'''Yami Yugi''': First, they took Pegasus away… and now they’ve taken over Kaiba's company. Which means we've got to stop these criminals before they make their next move, and we have no time to lose! :'''Seto Kaiba''': Wow… You're more hung ho than I expected. You know, since you lost your title and all. :'''Yami Yugi''': Kaiba, this fight is about so much more than a mere championship dueling title. Don’t you see!? People are getting hurt and the world's in danger! :'''Seto Kaiba''': Hmm. Blah, blah, blah. Don’t you get tired of making the same speech every time you’re faced with a challenge? Stop saving the world and get a hobby. :'''Yami Yugi''': Rebecca, we’ll meet you two at the pier. :'''Rebecca''': 10-4 we’ll see you there. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': Master Dartz. :'''Dartz''': Take a look, Rafael. Your friend wasn't careful. :'''Rafael''': ''[spots at Alister in stone]'' Alister. :'''Dartz''': Don't sound so displeased. He's better off where he is now. Alister's energy, along with our other prisoners', will fuel the great beast. The Pharaoh and his friends will be arriving shortly. I trust you'll give them a warm welcome, Hmm. :'''Rafael''': He won't escaped me this time. <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Seto Kaiba''': ''[to Roland and Fuguta sent a soulless Alister and soulless Rex Raptor to the Hospital]'' Take those two to the medical center. I'm feeling generous. :'''Roland and Fuguta''': Right. :''[The KaibaCorp helicopter takes off to take Alister and Rex to the Hospital.]'' :'''Mokuba Kaiba''': Good luck, guys. :'''Joey Wheeler''': Stay safe. :'''Yami Yugi''': Professor, I'm glad you're alright. :'''Joey''': Me too. Hey, hows was the road trip, guys? :'''Duke''': Could a been better. We hit a pretty big snag on the way. :'''Joey''': Flat tire? :'''Duke''': We ran into Mai and one of those freaks. The one that jumped in and ended your duel. :'''Joey''': That jerk. :'''Duke''': He's really got it in for you, man. and I'm afraid Mai's still on their side too. :'''Joey''': Grr. Just wait until ''I'' find him! :'''Rebecca''': Hey, any word yet on Yugi? We have to find him. If you don't get him back, I'll never forgive you. Plus we need him to fight these guys! :'''Yami Yugi''': I miss Yugi, too. and I promise I will rescue him. You have word. But I need to pay a little visit to KaibaCorp first. :'''Rebecca''': Let me come with you! You'll need some tech support. :'''Seto Kaiba''': Ha! This Isn't some kind of field trip, kid. But I guess you can tag along if you want. :'''Rebecca''': I'm no kid! :'''Seto Kaiba''': Whatever you say, kid. I don't know about you geeks. But I have a company to save. So whoever's coming with me, let's move. :'''Mokuba Kaiba''': OK. :'''Tea''': Good luck and be careful. :'''Yami Yugi''': Right. :'''Tristan''': Alright, Tea. We better tell the police what's going on. The way this is heading we're gonna need all the help we can get. :'''Tea''': Yeah, good point. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Policeman 1''': Why don't you start over and this time try telling the truth? :'''Tea''': Don't you understand? That is the truth. There's a motorcycle gang going around stealing people's souls with a magic card. :'''Policeman 1''': Ha! You kids watched too many cartoons. :'''Tristan''': We're serious. These guys are trying to take over the whole world. :'''Policeman 2''': Really... Tell me something young man... this so called "gang"... do they wear a symbol like this! <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Here I come you creeps! :'''Rebecca''': Hey! Whoa! :'''Duke''': Get back here, Joey! Come on, man, we need a plan first! <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': This is Valon, Go ahead. :'''Rafael''': ''[on radio]'' The Pharaoh's friends are heading your way. :'''Valon''': Good, Then is time for me to show Joey Wheeler who's boss. :'''Rafael''': Valon, wait! :''[Valon turns off the radio and hops on the motorcycle droves off on the way back to the city]'' :'''Valon''': ''I gotta prove me-self to Mai.'' :''[Tristan and Tea saw Joey was running in the streets in the middle of the night]'' :'''Tristan''': Look, Here comes Joey! :'''Tea''': And there he goes. :'''Tristan''': Hey! Come back! You're going the wrong way! :'''Tea''': He's heading straight for the zombie patrol. :'''Tristan''': Go warn the others, Tea! I gotta stop him! ''[rans off]'' :'''Tea''': Tristan! :'''Joey''': ''I'm coming for you, Dartz and I'm not leaving without Yugi and Mai!'' :''[To Be Continued...]'' ===''Fighting for a Friend'' [4.25-29]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Tristan Taylor''': Joey, Come back! I'm wearing the wrong shoes for this! Joey, stop! :'''Joey Wheeler''': ''[stops and spots at the Orichalcos soldier]'' What's that?! :'''Tristan''': Uh, Joey. :'''Joey''': Yeah? :'''Tristan''': Maybe we should start running again. :'''Joey and Tristan''': ''[screaming]'' :'''Tristan''': Hey, stop! :'''Young guy''': You ever here looking both ways?! ''[droves off]'' :'''Tristan''': Hey, Hold on! :'''Joey''': You're going the wrong way! :'''Tristan''': Turn back! :'''Young guy''': ''[spots at the Orichalcos soldier]'' Whoa! Mommy! ''[falls off the motorcycle]'' It's just a dream... It's just a dream. ''[whimping and running away]'' :'''Joey''': See ya! ''[he and Tristan runs off as the Orichalcos soldier chases them]'' We've never out run this thing! :'''Tristan''': Joey! :''[Joey punches the Orichalcos soldier but then it shatters]'' :'''Tristan''': You beat him. :'''Joey''': ''[spots at Valon]'' Actually, I think he did. Hold on! I know you! [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|You're the ''one'' that took Mai!]] :'''Valon''': Right you are, mate! ''[droves turns around away]'' :'''Joey''': Hey! Come back! ''[runs after Valon]'' :'''Tristan''': Joey, Not again! Come back! :'''Joey''': ''[notices a motorcycle]'' This will do the trick. ''[puts the helmet on]'' Now... ''[picks up the motorcycle and hops on]'' Time to chase him down and save Mai! ''[droves off to chase Valon.]'' :'''Tristan''': Are you nuts?! ''[confused]'' I guess so. He's riding right into a trap. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': ''[chucking]'' Keep fighting, my soldiers. We must continue to collect the souls of man and beast, Until we have amassed enough power to rebuild Atlantis. ''[evil laughing]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Meanwhile Tristan was running a middle of the streets looking for Joey.]'' :'''Tristan''': Joey! Where are you?! ''[Mai’s motorcycle light appears towards him]'' Is that you Joey? :'''Mai Valentine''': ''[takes her bike helmet off]'' Not quite but I am looking for him. :'''Tristan''': Look, Mai… :'''Mai''': Save it, Dweeb! ''I'' know ''you’re'' his babysitter so where is ''he?!'' :'''Tristan''': How should ''I know?!'' One of ''your'' little pals forced him into a game of ''cat and mouse'' and now ''he's'' gone! :'''Mai''': ''[gasps]'' It’s Valon! :'''Tristan''': This is all your fault, Mai! ''[Mai puts her helmet on]'' ''You’re'' the one who got Joey into this mess in the first place! :'''Mai''': Out of my way! ''[drove off]'' :'''Tristan''': Hey! '''Get back here!''' The last thing ''he'' needs right now is '''''you!''''' ''[Mai ignores him and he growls]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': Here we are, old chum. Glad you could make it. Now let's get down to business, shall we? :'''Joey Wheeler''': Look, pal I want Mai back. :'''Valon''': Then why chase me? She happens to have a mind of her own, you know. :'''Joey Wheeler''': ''She'' did. At least... ''She'' did before ''you'' guys brainwashed ''her!'' :'''Valon''': You don't get it, mate. No one was brainwashed! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Huh? :'''Valon''': Mai chose to join ''our'' side with her own free will. And do you want to know why? She was sick of taking a back seat while you got all the fame! Then I stepped in and changed all that. :'''Joey Wheeler''': You messed with her head, that's what you did! She was the one of my best friends! But the last time I saw her she was saying things that Mai never would have said. :''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#My_Freaky_Valentine|he and Mai's duel she chose to join Dartz's team]] flashback ends.]'' :'''Valon''': Wake up, Wheeler! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Who do you think you are!? and what do you what with me? You better start Explain yourself, now!? :'''Valon''': Okay, look, the name's Valon, I led you here to get rid of you for good, 'cause Mai ''can't'' be happy with you around! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Huh? and what does that mean? :'''Valon''': You're a constant reminder of what here life used to be, and Mai whats to forget all that! But as long as you still exist in this world, she be never be able to forget! So, I'm here to erase you for good! ''[thinking]'' ''Plus, I know that deep down, Mai still loves you. and I can't have that!'' So, what do you say, Wheeler? Do we have ourselves a duel or not? Not that I'm giving you much of a choice! ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' :'''Joey Wheeler''': You know what, Valon, I never back down from a challenge especially when I'm fighting for a friend! Now let's duel! ''[their life points to 4000, Joey and Valon's duel begins]'' You're going down, My move. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': ''[panting]'' All right. I'm officially lost. ''[panting]'' Phew. I guess I can pretty much forget about finding Joey now. ''[but the Orichalcos soldier behind him]'' Huh? ''[Orichalcos soldier roaring]'' AHHH! YOU AGAIN?! ''[gulp]'' Hi, remember me? :'''Duke''': Huh? ''[stop the car]'' Tristan! :'''Mokuba''': What's going on? :'''Tea''': Maybe we should get someone else behind the wheel. :'''Duke''': Tristan needs our help, Look! :'''Tea''': ''[looks at Tristan with Orichalcos soldier]'' Oh no! :'''Tristan''': Come on! I’m taking whatever you got! :'''Yami Yugi''': Go, Celtic Guardian! :''[Celtic Guardian attacks Orichalcos soldier]'' :'''Tristan''': Huh? :'''Yami Yugi/Téa/Rebecca''': Tristan! :'''Duke''': Hey! Are you alright?! :'''Tristan''': Huh? ''[sees The Pharaoh, Téa, Duke and Rebecca running towards him]'' Thanks, Pharaoh. You came in the nick of time. Of course, I could have taken him myself. :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm afraid the only thing that would have been taken is your soul had we arrived any later. :'''Tristan''': I know, so those things are working for Dartz. :'''Téa''': Hey, Where's Joey? I thought you guys were together? :'''Tristan''': We were, Until he decided to hop on some guy's motorcycle and take off after one of Dartz's little flunkies. :'''Duke''': ''[shocked]'' You're kidding! :'''Rebecca''': Oh no! Was it Valon? :'''Tristan''': Who? :'''Duke''': It's Valon. He's the young guy that Rebecca and I dueled. :'''Téa''': Is that a bad thing? :'''Rebecca''': Not only does [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Deck of Armor|Valon have a thing against Joey]], but he's got a deck full of monsters I've never seen before. :'''Yami Yugi''': Let's go. We have to find Joey before it's too late. :'''Seto Kaiba''': That chump's gonna have to wait 'cause we've got bigger problems. :'''Yami Yugi''': What do you mean? :'''Seto Kaiba''': Look around you! ====Part 2==== :'''Joey Wheeler''': No, Not that! :'''Valon''': Well, looks like you're starting to catch on, mate. I play the Seal of Orichalcos! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': We’re just getting started. By the end of this duel, you’ll be begging for mercy. Then your old buddy Mai will see what a pathetic chump you really are, and hopefully she’ll realize why she walked out on you in the first place so she can move on already! :'''Joey''': Watch it, Valon! :'''Valon''': Look, mate… All I’m watching out for is myself! And right now, the best thing for me is to get rid of you! 'Cause as long as you’re around, Mai's gonna be obsessed with dueling you. :'''Joey''': Hmm? :'''Valon''': That’s right. Since your last duel, all she talks about is a rematch. But I can’t let Mai put herself in that kind of danger again… So I got to you first. You see Wheeler, I’m not such a bad guy. We both what the same thing. We want Mai to be happy. :'''Joey''': Come on, Valon… Get real. Ha. If you really wanted Mai to be happy… You wouldn’t have brainwashed her in the first place! :'''Valon''': I told you, ''She'' chose to join us! :'''Joey''': No way! I know Mai, and ''she'' never would have walked out on us like that. Not unless someone messed with her head! And if you asked me, This Dartz guy is messing with all of your ''heads!'' :'''Valon''': Hmm? :'''Joey''': That orichalcos card ''he'' gave you has evil magic in it, and it makes everyone who holds it go nuts! :'''Valon''': Are you done? If you are, then allow me to tell you the truth. That orichalcos card did more for Mai than you ever could. She was weak, and it made her strong! She was lost, and it showed her the way! :''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|Dartz joins Mai to part of Doma organization]], Dartz welcoming Mai.]'' :'''Dartz''': Welcome to our family, Miss Valentine. Now go, and remember the Orichcalos is always with you. :''[Mai went to see Valon outside]'' :'''Valon''': So, how's it feel? You've got what you always wanted. :'''Mai''': Look, I appreciate you taking me here... ''[holds up "The Seal of Orichalcos" card]'' But don't think this means I owe you anything. :'''Valon''': What? :'''Mai''': I do things my way. And I have no interest in being part of some team, Valon. I already made that mistake once and you know where it got me?Absolutely Nowhere. So, no, thanks. :'''Valon''': ''[chuckles]'' I know what you mean. You and I are exactly the same, Valentine. :'''Mai''': Hmm? :'''Valon''': We're both loners. But you have to admit... Sometimes it's not all that fun. :''[Then [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#The_Creator_Returns|After she tooked Pegasus' soul]], she has a long face]''. :'''Valon''': Why the long face, Mai? You just accomplished your first mission with flying colors. :'''Mai''': Yeah, I know, Valon. But defeating Maximilion Pegasus meant nothing to me. :'''Valon''': Huh? :'''Mai''': There's only one person out there I need to take apart, and that chump is Joey Wheeler. :''[flashback ends]'' :'''Valon''': Mai can’t stand the sight of you. And neither can I, mate. So I plan to take you down for her. Once you’re out of the picture, she can move on to bigger and much better things. Like teaming up with me and leaving behind her past once and for all! :'''Joey''': No way, Valon. Mai would never want to get rid of me after what we’ve been through. We’re friends! ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 1)#Keith's Machination|Joey and Mai inside the castle at Duelist Kingdom]]. flashback ends]'' Mai has nothing in common with you. So she may be a little rough around the edges and she can have an attitude every once in a while, but she’d never join up with a bunch of low-lives who have some crazy plan to take over the world. :'''Valon''': We’ll just see. :'''Joey''': Whatever you guys did to her… I’m gonna undo as soon if I’m gonna win this… so why do we moved on! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': I know Valon's around here somewhere and I have to stop this duel now. I better be too late 'cause I’m gonna make Wheeler pay for what he did to me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': Let's try this again. ''[typing the laptop]'' Come on... ''[groans]'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': Hey! Any luck in there, Rebecca? :'''Tea Gardner''': You've asked five times. She's working as fast as she can. :'''Duke Devlin''': Aren't ''you'' the one who told us to have faith? :'''Tristan Taylor''': Why don't ''you'' get off my back, Duke! Joey's in trouble, and it we don't move fast things could get even worse! :'''Tea Gardner''': Take it easy, Tristan. :'''Tristan Taylor''': I can't, Tea! Don't you guys see that this whole thing is my ''fault''!? :'''Yami Yugi''': No, Tristan. :'''Tristan Taylor''': When Joey and I got [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#On_the_Wrong_Track|separated from you guys]], ''he'' told me about his plan, and I should have talked to him out of it then. :''[Flashes back to Joey and Tristan carry Rex Raptor on the railway tracks to find Tea and the Pharaoh, but Joey long face.]'' :'''Joey Wheeler''': I just figured it all out. :'''Tristan Taylor''': Figured what out? What are you talking about, Joey? :'''Joey Wheeler''': Why [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|Mai teamed up with those low-lives]]. It's 'cause I was a terrible friend. I let her down. :'''Tristan Taylor''': That's crazy. :'''Joey Wheeler''': But it's true. If Dartz maybe the one that brainwashed her. But I'm the one that drove her away in the first place. Now I gotta go and set things straight by finding these guys and breaking that spell! :'''Tristan Taylor''': But how? ''[confused]'' Aw, man. :''[cuts back to the present]'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': What was I thinking?! How could I let him do this?! :'''Tea Gardner''': Joey's got a mind of his own, Tristan. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' ''Let's just hope he's using with his legendary dragon the Claw of Hermos.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': My move! ''[draws the card]'' Look out! Now we’re taking. Let’s see stand up to this guy! ''[holds up the "Claw of Hermos" card]'' :''[To Be Continued…]'': ====Part 3==== :'''Tristan''': I can't wait around anymore! ''[grunting]'' Joey needs our help and ''he'' needs it now! :'''Téa''': Tristan, you must chill. :'''Duke''': Téa's right, Tristan. Without Kaiba's tracking system we have no hope of finding him. :'''Tristan''': Am I the only one here who understands what's going on? Joey may be losing his soul as we speak. Let's go! :'''Téa''': I didn't think of it like that. Maybe we should go. :'''Yami Yugi''': Not yet. We have to have faith that Rebecca can find him. Until then I know Joey can take care of himself. He's been in tough situations before. :'''Téa''': Not this tough. :'''Rebecca''': Hey, I did it! I finally found Joey. If this read out's right, Joey's not far, guys. :'''Yami Yugi''': All right, I'll takes this and track him down. You move the trailer to a safer place. :'''Tea''': Not so fast Pharaoh. ''[Pharaoh stops and looks at Tea and Tristan]'' You're not going alone. :'''Tristan''': That's right. We're all this together. :'''Yami Yugi''': I guess You've made up your minds. ''[smile]'' Thank you. Now let's go. :'''Rebecca''': Ahem. :'''Yami Yugi''': Rebecca, You stay here. Duke, can you keep an eye on them until we get back. :'''Duke''': You got it. :'''Rebecca''': No, I want to go, too. Come on, Grandpa. :'''Arthur''': Uh-uh We've got our own work to do. We need your talents back here. :''[Rebecca sighs]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Rebecca, as soon as Joey safe, we'll find Yugi. :'''Rebecca''': Promise me he's all right. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi's going to be just fine. I promise. Please, trust me. :'''Duke''': Come on, man, you don't have a second to lose, so go kick some butt and take names. :'''Yami Yugi''': Well, that's one way to put it. :'''Tristan''': Let's chit-chat later, OK. :'''Rebecca''': Good luck with everything. :'''Yami Yugi''': You, too. :'''Arthur''': If you need us, just call. :'''Yami Yugi''': Right. :''[They ran off together to find Joey]'' :'''Arthur''': Don't worry, Rebecca. ''[Rebecca looks at her grandfather]'' Yugi will be back here safe and sound in no time at all. :'''Rebecca''': But how do you know? :'''Arthur''': Because I believe in the Pharaoh, and you should too. :'''Rebecca''': Fine. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': ''[thinking]'' You're mine, Wheeler. <hr width="50%"/> :''[When Mai showed up and found Valon in the duel with Joey]'' :'''Valon''': Hey, Mai! You're just in time to catch the end of the greatest duel ever played. :'''Mai''': ''[takes off her helmet]'' You and I had a deal, remember!? Joey Wheeler's mine! ''[Orichalcos blocks her]'' Ah! :'''Joey''': Mai, no! :'''Mai''': Look, you've done enough, so why don't you take a hike and let me finish this!? :'''Valon''': Sorry, no can do. :'''Mai''': Huh? :'''Valon''': I'm having way too much fun out here to stop now. Plus this duel is no place for you. :'''Mai''': Why's that? :'''Valon''': There's too much at stake. I won't let you risk losing everything you have. That's why I challenged Joey Wheeler in the first place to protect you. I wanted to get rid of him so you'd be able to move on with your life, and that's exactly what I'm gonna do. :'''Joey''': Guess what, Mai. I'm fighting for same reason. :'''Valon''': Then let's get on with it! Shall we? I can't wait to see what you play next. :'''Joey''': You're gonna have to wait, Valon, 'cause I play one card face down and end my turn. :'''Valon''': Big mistake, pal. ====Part 4==== :''[Joey and Valon were engaged in an armored standoff in the middle of the Oricalchos field]'' :'''Joey''': It's time to activate Big Bang Dragon Blow's special effect! ''[Joey tributes Red-Eyes Black Dragon to make Big Bang Dragon Blow supercharged]'' By sacrificing my Red-Eyes, I made my armored fist even more powerful! Now it's able to destroy all your monsters and subtract their strength from your Life Points! ''[Big Bang Dragon Blow builds up pressure against Valon and Joey sends Valon flying away from the center and destroying his Armor monsters]'' :'''Valon''': ''[skids to a halt]'' You did it. You won. ''[panting and making his Life Points drop to 0]'' Congratulations. Goodbye. :'''Mai''': ''[gasps]'' It's my fault. :'''Valon''': Don't be silly, Mai. I caused my own downfall. I thought if I won I could make you forget about Joey Wheeler. But now I understand why he meant so much to you. The guy's got heart. :'''Mai''': Valon, wait. :'''Valon''': Hey Joey, It's up to you now, Saved Mai. :'''Mai''': Valon! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Great Leviathan... I sense the arrival of powerful soul. Let's see who, shall we? ''[spots at Valon in stone]'' Well... look what the orichalcos dragged in. My former employee. Now it's Miss Valentine's turn to send me a soul... or to give up her own. ''[evily laughter]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mai hold Valon's lifeless body, her eyes full of tears]'' :'''Mai''': Valon. Come back... Valon. :'''Joey''': It's too late. The Orichalcos has him now. ''[Mai remembers to flashbacks to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Deck of Armor|what Valon said]] flashback ends]'' Hey, Mai... We'll get him back. :'''Mai''': How could he do this? Valon's the one who told me you have to duel for yourself. Then he turns around and fights you to protect me? How pathetic. Hmm. He deserved this. :'''Joey''': What? Look, Mai, Valon realized what ''he'' told ''you'' was wrong. ''He'' found out what dueling is really about determination and heart. :'''Mai''': Hmm. :'''Joey''': He fought like a true duelist today. :'''Mai''': I thought you wanted to destroy him. :'''Joey''': Hold on, Mai, Valon may have annoyed me... but no one deserves to have their soul taken away and then held captive by some power-hungry psychopath! I don't care who they are! :'''Mai''': Ha. :'''Joey''': You know what, Mai... ''I'' realize something now. As long as that Orichalcos thing has control over your mind, I'll never be able to talk any sense into you! As a matter of fact, the only way I can save you at this point is to duel ''you!'' So, what do you say!? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': I see. So you beat this loser and now it's gone to your head? :'''Joey''': It isn't like that, Mai. :'''Mai''': Why else would you be dumb enough to challenge me a duel? You should have learned your lesson from our last match. :'''Joey''': The only way I can get through to you… is by dueling you! :'''Mai''': If you say so. ''[activates her chaos duel disk]'' :'''Mai and Joey''': Let's duel! ''[their life points to 4000]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': Finally, you're giving me a ''real'' challenge… but you're gonna have to do better than that! 'Cause before my Aero Nail goes to the graveyard, it's transferring its power to my other Harpie! :'''Joey''': Fine! I place one card facedown! Give me your best shot! :'''Mai''': You're pretty confident for someone who's about to lose! Now, stand back! My move! I drew it. :'''Joey''': Oh, no! :'''Mai''': Yup! The Seal of Orichalcos! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': We're both locked in the Seal and only ''one'' of us will escape! No one can come to your rescue now. It's just you, me, and the most powerful magic card that's ever been created! :'''Joey''': I know. I was expecting this. ====Part 5==== :'''Téa''': We gotta find him! :'''Tristan''': Joey! Where are you, man?! :'''Téa''': Hey are you down there?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Joey! Answer us?! :'''Téa''': Hello?! :'''Tristan''': I could swear that Orichalcos thing activated right here. :'''Téa''': Me, too. So why isn't it here now? Unless we're too late! :'''Tristan''': Don't say that, Téa! :'''Yami Yugi''': Hang in there, Joey! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Congratulations. You win. :''[Collapses from exhaustion]'' :'''Mai''': Joey, no! You're wrong. I never attacked so you didn't lose the duel. :'''Joey''': But, I'm too exhausted... to finish. :'''Mai''': I won't let the Orichalcos take you away, Joey. :'''Joey''': It's too late for that. I already lost the duel, so there's no turnin' back. I'm just glad that if one of us had to lose our soul, it didn't have to be you, Mai. :'''Mai''': Don't say that. :'''Joey''': Hey, Mai, that was one of the greatest duels I ever fought. Thank you. :''[His spirit is taken by the Seal, leaving Mai horrified]'' :'''Mai''': Joey! NO! :''[The fragment of the Orchicalcos on her [[w: choker |choker]] shatters]'' :'''Dartz''': She's been set free! ''[spots at Joey Wheeler in stone]'' Ah! But what's this? It seems miss Valentine has served her purpose. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mai hold Joey's lifeless body, her eyes full of tears]'' :'''Mai''': Joey, wait! SNAP OUT OF IT! This is all my fault! I was angry and confused, and I blamed all my loneliness on you! So I tried to get rid of you. How could I be so selfish? You're the only one who ever cared about me. ''[sobbing]'' You're the closest friend I ever had, and how did I repay you? By leaving you for a madman who promised me power. ''[grabs the Claw of Hermos card]'' I'll make him regret the day he ever met Mai Valentine! ''[she hops the motorcycle droves off back to Paradius leaving Joey behind next to Valon.]'' ''The only way to fix this is to meet Dartz face to face.'' :''[Mai arriving back to Paradius headquarters and looks up]'' :'''Mai''': Here goes nothing. :''[?]'' :'''Mai''': Hey Dartz! Is that you? :'''Rafael''': Guess again, Mai. :'''Mai''': Rafael! What do you want!? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Pharaoh, Tristan and Tea arrives and they found a soulless Joey.]'' :'''Tristan''': ''[shocked]'' No way! :'''Tea''': What happened? :'''Yami Yugi''': He lost the duel. :'''Tea''': Wait, Does that mean? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes his soul belongs to Dartz now. ===''Grappling with a Guardian'' [4.30-32]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Téa''': Joey, please say something? :'''Yami Yugi''': I don't think he can hear us. :'''Téa''': Then it's true. The Orichalcos took his soul. :'''Tristan''': When I get my hands on the person who did this to Joey, they're gonna wish they were never born! Wake up, man. :'''Téa''': Who did do this? ''[she looks at the soulless Valon]'' 'Cause by the looks of Valon, I have to say it wasn't him. So Tristan what's going on here? :'''Tristan''': Don't you see Tea? Joey must have defeated Valon and then Mai showed up. ''She'' did this to him. I'm sure of it! :'''Téa''': How could she? :'''Tristan''': Easily. She couldn't wait to get rid of Joey. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's true, Tristan, However, There's only one person we can really blame for all of this, and I think you know who I mean. He hides safely in his fortress while others do his dirty work. Well, not anymore. ''[rans off]'' :'''Téa''': Pharaoh, Wait! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' This all ends now, Dartz. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': ''[voice-over, evilly laughing]'' We've been expecting you, Pharaoh. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Pharaoh looks at soulless Mai in the elevator]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[gasps]'' Mai? Mai, say something. She must have been in a duel, and it appears she lost both the duel and her soul belongs to Dartz now. I must put an end to this. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': Well, It's about time you showed up for our rematch. :'''Yami Yugi''': This doesn't concern you, Rafael. I'm here to see Dartz. Is your master so much of a coward that he sent you to do his battles for him? :'''Rafael''': Not quite. You owe me something. But first. ''[holds a card and he catches the card to the Pharaoh]'' Why don't you take this? :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[spots the Claw of Hermos card]'' It's the Claw of Hermos. Joey's card. So you're the one who defeated Joey, aren't you? :'''Rafael''': Actually, Mai beat Joey, then ''I'' defeated her. :'''Yami Yugi''': But why? Wasn't Mai on ''your'' side? :'''Rafael''': I never trusted her, and turns out I was right all along. ''[Flashback to his and Mai's duel inside Paradius; voice-over]'' After she took [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fighting for a Friend|Joey's soul]], ''she'' turned on us. :'''Mai''': I've had it with your ridiculous world domination mumbo jumbo and I want out! It's time for Dartz to answer for what ''he'' made ''me'' do to Joey. Let's see how ''he'' likes it when the orichalcos captures ''him!'' :'''Rafael''': You sure you don't wanna take that back? Dartz isn't exactly known for his sense of humor. :'''Mai''': So? :'''Rafael''': Then you leave me no ''choice.'' It's my duty to protect him, so goodbye to ''your'' soul. ''[activates his chaos duel disk and Mai activates her chaos duel disk, voice-over]'' Biggest mistake ''she'' ever made. :''[Rafael defeats Mai and she screaming as the orichalcos claims her soul away.]'' :'''Mai''': Joey! I'm sorry, I tried my best. ''[collapses and drops the Claw of Hermos card.]'' :'''Rafael''': ''[voice-over]'' Unfortunately, her best wasn't good enough. :''[the flashback ends]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': This madness has to stop. Just think of how many innocent lives have been destroyed. You may be next. :'''Rafael''': Do you think I really care? I made a commitment to help Master Dartz save the planet from crumbling at the hands of people like you, and if keeping my promise means giving up my own soul, well, then so be it, 'cause even if I'm captured, I'll be doing my part by giving the Great Leviathan the strength it needs to restore peace to the world once again. :'''Yami Yugi''': Wake up, Rafael! Can't you see that your so-called Master Dartz is just using you to satisfy his own selfish needs? If you really what to save the world, then stop fighting me and join ''my'' side. :'''Rafael''': As soon as the great beast is revived, I'm afraid your side will no longer exist, Pharaoh, and all it needs to get started is one more strong soul. :'''Yami Yugi''': Oh no. It's true. :'''Rafael''': You better believe it. as we speak, the Great Leviathan lurks in the shadows all over the earth. And as soon as I defeat you, your life energy will be offered to the beast, giving it the strength it needs to fully cross over into our world. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Tristan and Tea running the streets Tristan carried Joey]'' :'''Tristan''': Why did the Pharaoh take off liked that? :'''Téa''': He must've gone after Dartz for what happened to Yugi. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': As we speak, the most devastating creature that ever lived is waiting to rise again. All it needs now is your soul, and the Sacred Seal of Orichalcos will take care of that once I take you down. Of course, ''I'' already defeated you once, but somehow ''you'' were able to cheat me by switching places with ''someone'' else. ''[Flashes back to [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Fate_of_the_Pharaoh|their last duel as the Seal took Yugi]].]'' Don't even think about trying to pull a stunt like that gain, Pharaoh. I don't appreciate being lied to, and besides, there's no one for you to hide behind this time, 'cause now it's just you and me. The winner leaves a free man. The loser becomes a prisoner to the beast! :'''Yami Yugi''': You're on! If that's what it takes to set my friends free, then let's duel! And once you're out of my way, I can go straight for Dartz! It's just a shame that a duelist with your talents has to throw it all away by following a madman. :'''Rafael''': Look, Master Dartz opened me up the truth and made me who I am today. You're just jealous because you don't have one of these, right? ''[holds up the Seal of Orichalcos card]'' Well, not anymore, anyway. :'''Yami Yugi''': You can't tempt ''me'' with that again, Rafael. :'''Rafael''': I wasn't planning on it, but you can have one last look at it while you shuffle my deck… for old time's sake. :'''Yami Yugi''': I know what you're trying to do, and it won't work. I won't give in to my dark side! :'''Rafael''': We'll see about that. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' I must stay true to my heart, no matter what he tries to do. :''[The two shuffle their decks]'' :'''Rafael''': May the best man win...and when I do, you'll be gone forever. I'm gonna enjoy this. :'''Pharaoh and Rafael''': Time to Duel! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' I'm surprised he didn't play the Seal of Orichalcos right away. Perhaps he's toying with me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': Now I play Butterfly Dagger. This weapon gives my Backup Gardna 300 extra attack points. It also allows me to summon my Guardian Elma. :'''Yami Yugi''': I've never seen that Guardian monster. :'''Rafael''': There are plenty of monsters in my deck you've never seen, and this one lets me bring my Guardian Shield back from the graveyard. And I'll give it to Guardian Elma. Plus, my Backup Gardna's special ability transfers my Butterfly Dagger to Guardian Elma. Now, Guardian Elma… attack his Queen's Knight! Guardian Grarl, it's your turn now! Attack his King's Knight with Gravity Axe! What now, Pharaoh? What puny knight stands between me and your Life Points? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' He gave up his own strength to save his monster! ''[speaking]'' I'll place two cards face down and end my turn. ''[thinking]'' I've never come across a duelist like him before. He refuses to let any of his monsters go to the card graveyard. He protects them at all costs! Why would a duelist like this hold a card like the Seal of Orichalcos? ''[speaking]'' Rafael, don't you understand what's going on here? As long as you're loyal to Dartz, you'll never be true to yourself. You have too much respect for your cards to use them for such an evil purpose. But Dartz has brainwashed you into believing you're someone else! :'''Rafael''': The only thing Master Dartz did was open my eyes to the truth. :'''Yami Yugi''': You're ''wrong!'' :'''Rafael''': This world is an evil place, and ''you're'' part of the problem. So I'm here to fix that. And thanks to my master, I have just the tool to do it. Now, I play the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Yami Yugi''': NO, RAFAEL! PLEASE, DON'T! :'''Rafael''': Sorry, Pharaoh, it's too late for that now. Your fate is sealed! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Téa''': Hey look guys. It's Mai. :'''Mokuba''': ''[looks at soulless Mai]'' Oh, man. Don't tell me you guys she lost her soul too. :'''Tristan''': I don't mean to sound insensitive, but who's carrying her? :'''Yami Yugi''': You're making a mistake! RAFAEL! NO! ====Part 2==== :'''Rafael''': This time the Seal belongs to me! :'''Yami Yugi''': What were you thinking, Rafael? Now one of us is going to lose his soul. :'''Rafael''': That's the whole point, Pharaoh. The Great Leviathan needs power, and once I take you down and capture your soul, that legendary creature will have the strength it needs to awaken. :'''Yami Yugi''': We'll see. :'''Tristan''': That's the same guy who beat Yugi last time! :'''Seto Kaiba''': ''[shocked]'' What?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': It's time to bring out my ultimate monster, but first I'll play this card, Celestial Sword - Eatos! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' The Sword of Eatos? This can only mean one thing: he's about to summon Guardian Eatos! :'''Rafael''': Now I'll draw two cards. The time has come to play the card that beat you last time. It's my Guardian Eatos! :'''Yami Yugi''': I have to act quickly! With 500 Life Points left, I don't have much time! ''[Guardian Eatos soon becomes infected by the darkness of the Orichalcos]'' Look what you've done to your Guardian! It's been consumed by darkness! :'''Rafael''': Exactly, and it's more powerful than ever now. Nothing can stop it. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Guardian Eatos tries to destroy Yugi's Dark Magician with her Celestial Sword and it breaks, cutting her attack points back to 3000]'' :'''Rafael''': ''[shocked]'' Say what?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Allow me to clear things up for you. A few moments ago, I sent three monsters to my graveyard, one of which saved me. That card was this, my Electromagnetic Turtle! When this monster was destroyed, it created an electromagnetic barrier, shielding my magician from your attack. :'''Rafael''': No way. He had that planned all along! :'''Tristan''': In your face, meathead! :'''Rafael''': ''[thinking]'' The Pharaoh's gonna pay for mocking the power of my Guardian Eatos. ''[speaking]'' I END MY TURN! :'''Yami Yugi''': Perhaps you should've thought twice before you poisoned your own monsters with the dark powers of the Orichalcos. Take it from someone with experience. Betraying your monsters only backfires in the end. :'''Rafael''': You played the Seal of Orichalcos once and all of a sudden you're an expert of the subject? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': You can't win a duel with defense, Pharaoh. All you're doing is stalling for time. Well, I'm afraid your time's just run out. Eatos, destroy his most valuable monster, the Dark Magician! :'''Tristan''': Oh, no! :'''Téa''': Pharaoh! :'''Mokuba''': Do something! :'''Yami Yugi''': Magical Hats, activate! Hide my monsters! :'''Rafael''': What's going on?! :'''Tristan''': Awesome! Magical Hats shuffled Yugi's monsters so Blondie blasted the wrong one. :'''Mokuba''': That's true, but he gets to attack again, so Yugi's magician's still in danger! :'''Yami Yugi''': All right, one of these three remaining hats is concealing my monster, so go ahead! Hit me with your best shot! :'''Rafael''': ''[thinking]'' Three hats and one monster. I know what I have to do. I'll use Elma to improve my odds, then I'll send Grarl to finish things off. ''[speaking]'' Go, Elma! Find his Dark Magician! ''[Guardian Elma strikes her butterfly dagger at the second hat]'' Now I have a 50-50 shot. Guardian Grarl, attack! :''[Guardian Grarl punches the third hat with his fist, Dark Magician appears from the last hat]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Wrong hat! :'''Rafael''': Oh, no! :'''Yami Yugi''': What a shame. Looks like you used up all of your chances. :'''Rafael''': ''[thinking]'' How could I have messed that up?! I was about to win the duel and capture the Pharaoh! ''[speaking]'' My turn's not over yet! I activate my Rod of Silence! This lets me play another Guardian monster, my all-powerful Guardian Kay'est! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After the Pharaoh destroys Guardian Eatos with his Amulet Dragon, Guardian Dreadscythe appears on the field]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[horrified shock]'' What's that?! :'''Téa''': ''[terrified]'' I've got one word: nasty! :'''Tristan''': Here's four: I'm gonna be sick. :'''Yami Yugi''': For the last time, what is that thing?! :'''Rafael''': I told you-- when Eatos goes to the graveyard, '''''this''''' monster is summoned to the field in its place. So say hello to my Guardian Dreadsycthe! :'''Yami Yugi''': Hello and goodbye. It's no match for my dragon! :'''Rafael''': It will be. First, I'll boost its strength with my Reaper Scythe magic card. Now, for the best part, thanks to its new weapon, my Guardian of darkness gains 500 attack points for every monster in my graveyard. :'''Yami Yugi''': But why? I thought you despised having monsters in your graveyard! :'''Rafael''': But I despise ''you'' even more, so what's a few monsters in the grave if it means destroying you forever? And with only 500 Life Points left, you won't last long. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': I know first-hand what the Oricalchos does to a person's heart and I can help you. Think, when Earls was destroyed, you released your anger on your other monsters. You left the Oricalchos feed on your rage like I did. :'''Rafael''': So? What's your point? :'''Yami Yugi''': That this isn't who you really are. The darkness within you has taken control, and now you must face that darkness head on. It's the only way for you to save yourself. :'''Rafael''': ''You'' need to be saved. :'''Yami Yugi''': If you don't believe my words, then maybe this will convince you! :'''Rafael''': What are you holding? :'''Yami Yugi''': A card that forces you to take a closer look at yourself-- Underworld Circle! :'''Rafael''': What on earth does that do? :'''Yami Yugi''': BEHOLD! It's time to take some responsibility for what you've done, Rafael! Underworld Circle, activate! ====Part 3==== :'''Yami Yugi''': First, I'll use the magic of Underworld Circle to bring my Big Shield Gardna back from the graveyard! Then, I'll activate my Pot of Greed! This let me draw two cards. ''[thinking]'' Excellent. That's just the card I've been waiting for! ''[speaking]'' Time to face what you did… when you betrayed your heart! For now, I activate the magic card, Spider Web, which let me use a card from your graveyard! :'''Rafael''': What's the point of all this? :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm using my Spider Web to bring back your Monster Reborn card. And I'm planning on using it to save you by setting you free from the darkness! :'''Rafael''': Yeah, whatever. :'''Yami Yugi''': I use Monster Reborn to revive a creature that once saved your life and that you in turn, deserted! ''[resurects Guardian Eatos]'' :'''Rafael''': Eatos?! :'''Téa''': What's he gonna do with that card? :'''Mokuba''': Hopefully win. :'''Yami Yugi''': One more thing. ''[thinking]'' Joey… I can only accomplish this with your help. ''[speaking]'' I summon The Claw of Hermos! :'''Tristan''': Hey, Joey! Check it out, man! He just summoned your boy! :'''Yami Yugi''': And now, Hermos and Queen's Knight, combine together to form Goddess Bow! That doubles the attack points of Guardian Eatos! And since Eatos has been removed from your graveyard, your Dreadscythe gets weaker! :'''Rafael''': What are you up to? Our monsters are even now. So if you attack, they're both destroyed. But mine comes back! :'''Yami Yugi''': We'll see about that! I have a few more surprises planned! Eatos attack his Dreadscythe, NOW! I activate the special ability of my Goddess Bow! Now every time your Dreadscythe revives itself, Eatos can attack again! :'''Rafael''': No! :'''Yami Yugi''': And don't forget, with each attack, you lose another card! :'''Mokuba''': Of course! If Rafael runs out of cards, his monster can't come back! :'''Yami Yugi''': The dark flame of your Dreadscythe is now extinguished. ===''A Duel with Dartz'' [4.33-38]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Rafael''': Go! Hurry! Stop him! Stop Dartz! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Yes come home my children. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': Dude, what's with all these people chiseled in stone? :'''Téa''': They're just any people! Take a look! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[spots at Yugi, Joey, Mai, Pegasus, Weevil, Rex, Alister, Valon and all many people in stone]'' Oh, no! There's Mai and Weevil! :'''Tristan''': This must be everyone who lost their soul! :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi! :'''Dartz''': ''[voice-over]'' What a touching reunion. Too bad your friends turned out to be a bunch of stiffs. ''[laughing evilly and reveals himself from fire]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Dartz! :'''Dartz''': You were expecting someone else? Well, due to the carelessness of my employees, ''I'm'' the only one left. You can't find good help these days. :'''Kaiba''': Look, I want my company back, so can the small talk! :'''Dartz''': Is that so? Well, guess what? We all want something. As for me, I want your souls for my wall. I even have the spot picked out. :'''Kaiba''': Save it, Dartz! It'll take a lot more than a few party tricks to scare me! :'''Yami Yugi''': Now, for the last time, release our friends! :'''Dartz''': That's not possible. :'''Yami Yugi''': What do you mean? :'''Dartz''': I mean they've already been put to use. As we speak, their life energy supplies to the most devastating creature that ever lived. :'''Téa''': Oh, great. Now, what? :'''Dartz''': My 10,000 year old collection is almost complete. Once I get you two, the beast can rise. :'''Yami Yugi''': Hold on! You've been collecting souls for all those years?! Do you know how many lives you've destroyed?! :'''Dartz''': ''[snickers evilly]'' Millions! And each one of them deserved their fate! Take a moment to look around, won't you? Some of my favorite conquests are in this very room. And since it's taken me millennia to complete, it's quite the history lesson. :'''Tea''': He's right. Look at the outfits on these guys. :'''Mokuba''': So some of these people lived in the past? :'''Dartz''': Now you're catching on. Ever since the Great Leviathan was laid to rest, I've been gathering the energy necessary to fuel its rebirth. :'''Kaiba''': Come on, you expect us to believe that junk? :'''Dartz''': Ye of little faith. Just duel me and I promise I'll make a believer out of you, For when you lose, there will be no denying my power. :'''Kaiba''': Then let's stop talking and start dueling. :'''Yami Yugi''': You can't, Kaiba-- not alone. This lunatic is far too dangerous. :'''Dartz''': So why don't you join him? And when I defeat you, ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' I'll get two souls for the price of one! :'''Yami Yugi''': All right. Ready, Kaiba? :'''Kaiba''': I'm way ahead of you. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Meanwhile… Rafael puts a soulless Valon on the back of the jeep along a soulless Mai on front seat]'' :'''Rafael''': Don't worry, I'll save you both. Mark my words, Dartz is gonna pay. <hr width="50%"/> :''[After the Pharaoh and Kaiba summon Blue-Eyes White Dragon and Black Luster Soldier, both monsters with 3000 attack points]'' :'''Mokuba''': All right! Dartz better watch out! They just summoned two major league monsters on their first turn! :'''Dartz''': Those pathetic creatures may work in your little card tournaments, but I'm afraid ''I'' play a completely different game-- a game in which the winner takes ALL, and the loser pays the ultimate price! This card was born from the darkness itself! ''[echoes]'' Behold, a power that has existed since the dawn of time. The very power that shall strip you of your souls! ''[plays the Seal of Orichalcos]'' :'''Kaiba''': Oh, no! :'''Yami Yugi''': The Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Mokuba''': Whoa. Do you feel that? :'''Tristan''': If you mean the sudden drop in temperature and that freaky evil vibe in the air, then yes, I do. :'''Téa''': ''[worried]'' Me too. :'''Dartz''': Now that I've set the tone for this duel, allow me to continue. Watch this… Arise, Orichalcos Gigas! :'''Yami Yugi''': I faced this beast before, and it was almost impossible to destroy, Kaiba. :'''Kaiba''': That's 'cause last time you didn't have me to bail you out. :'''Dartz''': Next, I'll sacrifice 500 of my Life Points. That let's me summon my Orichalcos Kyutora. And, thanks to the Seal, it gets an additional 500 points. All right. I guess that'll do for now. ====Part 2==== :''[Dartz, Yami Yugi, and Kaiba hovering above the city of Atlantis]'' :'''Dartz''': Behold, the lost city of Atlantis and all its glory. Just as it was 10,000 years ago, a perfect civilization or so I thought. Surrounded by oceans as far as the eye could see, we were isolated from the rest of the world. :''[A scene depicts the once glorious city of Atlantis and all of Earth's creatures]'' :'''Dartz''': Our lives were simple, we existed side by side with all of Earth's creatures and we knew nothing of violence. But, then that changed. :''[a meteor shower rains upon Atlantis]'' :'''Dartz''': Darkness ascended upon us and a strange substance rained down from the heavens. A substance that will change our lives. :'''Yami Yugi''': The Orichalcos. :'''Kaiba''': Please tell me that story time is over, I'd like to duel. :'''Dartz''': The tale of my past directly affects the fate of your future. So if I were you, I pay close attention. :''[it seems the city of Atlantis had changed]'' :'''Dartz''': Now thanks to the stones of the Orichalcos, the people of Atlantis needed advancement in technology that were never before imagine. And soon, I ruled over the most highly developed civilization the world had ever known. However, with progress comes greed and eventually violence, I knew what had to be done. But, my father, former king Ironheart had different ideas. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[shocked]'' Ironheart was your father?! But how? :'''Kaiba''': If you ask questions, this ridiculous story is never going to end. :'''Dartz''': That old fool never had what took to be king and on my 21st birthday, he allowed me to take over and filled his unimpressive shoes. So as technology continued to advance and the hearts of my people continued to seek deeper into the darkness. It was up to me to remedy the situation, the citizens of Atlantis were growing more and more selfish. And if I didn't act soon, I would lose complete control, but even I couldn't have imagine what would happen next. :''[The Orichalcos began to show the true nature of the Atlanteans]'' :'''Dartz''': The Orichalcos began to test us, it revealed the truth about who we were. :''[The people of Atlantis are beginning to turn into monsters]'' :'''Dartz''': Those who were wicked on the inside became wicked on the outside. :''[Meanwhile, Iona is struggling]'' :'''Dartz''': Iona, are you all right? :'''Dartz''': Wait, come back! What's going on?! :''[Dartz soon finds out that his beloved wife also turned into a monster]'' :'''Dartz''': Iona! :'''Dartz''': I didn't realize it first, but the true colors of my people were revealed to me that day. :'''Dartz''': But why? Why is this happening? :''[a bright green light appears in the water fountain]'' :'''Dartz''': I couldn't understand how a society as perfect as ours could crumble like this. :''[He picks up an Orichalcos stone]'' :'''Dartz''': But soon the Orichalcos would answer all my questions. The people of Atlantis were evil and I have been chosen to wipe them out and start over again. But I couldn't accomplish such a task on my own, I was but one man so the Orichalcos gave me a gift, something powerful enough to lead my fight against mankind. For deep below the Earth's surface lives the most incredible creature ever lived, the Great Leviathan! And it was mine, and shortly that this great beast will return to finish what it began! :'''Dartz''': I was ready to begin my task of recreating civilization on Earth, but one person stood in my way. :''[A scene where Ironheart, Chris, and Skye are in the throne room]'' :'''Ironheart''': My son, you know what you have to do. Destroy those Orichalcos stones so we can return the light we once knew. :''[Dartz sitting on his throne with a gold eye]'' :'''Dartz''': ''[laughs]'' Do you honestly believe that we can go back to the way things were. It's too late for that, Father. :'''Ironheart''': But, Dartz... :'''Dartz''': The true nature of our people have been exposed. We now know that the citizens of this planet are evil and must be destroy! :'''Ironheart''': What?! :'''Dartz''': You heard me, old man! We should be thanking the Orichalcos for showing us the truth. Not blaming it for the faults of mankind, but this mysterious substance that rained down above us had open up my eyes. Not only has it showed me what's wrong, it's given me the tools to fix it. For now I have the power to awaken a mighty creature known as the Great Leviathan! And by the power of the Orichalcos, this beast will rise up from the depths of the earth and fight by my side! And when I'm through, I shall rebuild civilization! :''[The stones have summoned an army of Orichalcos soldiers]'' :'''Ironheart''': Dartz! What's going on?! :''[Dartz laughs evilly]'' :'''Dartz''': Meet my Orichalcos soldiers! :'''Chris''': ''[scared]'' Grandpa, I'm scared! :'''Dartz''': If you join my side, you have nothing to fear. If not, farewell. :'''Ironheart''': We'll never join you! Never! Let's go, Chris! :''[They escape from the throne room]'' :'''Dartz''': Have it your way. :''[Dartz appears on his balcony and addresses his army]'' :'''Dartz''': The time has come to cleanse the world of its impurities! So arise my children and conquer the people of Earth! And this planet shall be yours! :''[Meanwhile Ironheart, Chris, and Skye are walking from their city and they enter a cave]'' :'''Chris''': What are we going to do, Grandpa? :'''Ironheart''': Your father is under the control of an evil force and he must be stopped. The future of our planet depends on it. Through there, hurry! :''[Chris and Skye suddenly runs through an carving of monsters on the walls]'' :'''Chris''': What's there? Why are those monsters carved in stone? :'''Ironheart''': We've come here to ask for their help. :''[The scene depicts the battle of Atlantis between Dartz's Orichalcos army and Ironheart's army of monsters]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': And so the Battle of Atlantis began! You see my father had opened up a gateway to the Dominion of the Beasts and he used the monsters within to form an army of his own. :'''Yami Yugi''': Tell me, what was the battle's outcome? :'''Dartz''': Neither side were victorious and Atlantis sunk to the bottom of the sea. My father's monster army were scattered around the world and sealed away until they be needed again. The Leviathan was drained of its power and also sealed away. It's taken me 10,000 years to gather the energy necessary to bring it back. All that's left of me to do is to defeat you two in this duel. Then your souls will awaken the Great Leviathan and my plan will finally come to pass. :'''Kaiba''': Hold on! We already defeated you! Our Master of Dragon Soldier should've wipe out the rest of your life points. :'''Dartz''': Perhaps it should have, but I'm afraid it didn't. Your pathetic attack failed short of its target. So this duel is still on. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Orichalcos Gigas, return! :'''Yami Yugi''': I told you, Kaiba. Each time his Gigas is destroyed, it comes back even stronger! :'''Dartz''': Face it, you'll never defeat me! The power of the Orichalcos will swallow you both! Now back to the duel. Since my Gigas returned to me, I can't draw a card. But no matter, everything I need is in my hand. So I'll enhance the power of the Seal with this-- the magic of Orichalcos Deuteros! ''[laughs evilly]'' :'''Kaiba''': What's going on?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Somehow he's made the Seal of Orichalcos stronger! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Dartz activates the Orichalcos Deuteros spell card, adding another layer to the Seal of Orichalcos]'' :'''Dartz''': Gentlemen, welcome to the second level of darkness! :'''Kaiba''': The what?! :'''Yami Yugi''': I don't know how. But Dartz just added another layer to the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Tea''': Right! So what does that mean? :'''Dartz''': The first benefit of my Orichalcos Deuteros, is the addition of 500 Life Points each turn for every monster I have on the field. Therefore, since I have two, that's 1,000 points! :'''Kaiba''': What?! How are we supposed to wipe him out?! :'''Dartz''': You're not. It makes me invincible! Next, I'll attack your Master of Dragon Soldier! Go, my Orichalcos Gigas! :'''Yami Yugi''': Nice try! But my dragon's too strong! :'''Dartz''': Kyutora, absorb ''all'' the damage! ''[chuckles]'' My Life Points are safe. And now, my Gigas returns! :'''Tristan''': That creep! He's letting his Orichalcos Gigas get its butt kicked on purpose, so it can come back stronger! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' That can't be it. His monster would have to be destroyed seven more times before it could defeat my dragon. So there must be more to his plan. Perhaps the secret lies in his Kyutora, and its ability to absorb attack damage. Yes! That creature must have another special ability! :'''Kaiba''': All right, Dartz, my move! ''[thinking]'' As long as that eyesore is on the field, it's pointless to attack his Orichalcos Gigas because Dartz won't lose any Life Points. Plus, Gigas will just come back stronger. But if I attack Dartz directly, I should be able to win the duel! ''[speaking]'' I place one card facedown on the field! And next… I summon my Blade Knight! And since I have only one card left in my hand, Blade Knight gets another 400 attack points! I think that'll do for now. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' He's setting himself up for something. :'''Kaiba''': ''[thinking]'' Yugi better not screw this up for me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kaiba''': Oh, no! That attack was supposed to hit Dartz, not his monster! :'''Yami Yugi''': It's a force field! But how did he create it? :'''Dartz''': By using the second layer of the Seal, of course. Whenever my Life Points are targeted, my Orichalcos Deuteros steps in to defend me. It's simple. ''I'' make a sacrifice so that your monster takes the hit! You know what that means, right? Your dragon just attacked itself! ====Part 3==== :'''Dartz''': So tell me, Gentlemen, what do you think of my newest soldiers? I'm sure there's no need for any introductions. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's not funny, Dartz. :'''Dartz''': Maybe not to you. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's enough. :'''Kaiba''': Just drop the magic act and let's duel. :'''Dartz''': But we are dueling, you insensible twit. We're just doing it by my rules, that's all. Since I now control the souls of your former friends, I thought it would be fun to let them play along with us. :'''Téa''': Leave them alone! :'''Tristan''': What did they do to you?! :'''Dartz''': You should be thanking me. :'''Yami Yugi''': And why's that? :'''Dartz''': I'm giving you one last chance to see your companions. Before their souls are gone forever. :'''Yami Yugi''': You'll never take them away from us, Dartz! :'''Dartz''': That's right, Pharaoh. Let your anger consume you. Feel the darkness within you beginning to spread. The stronger your rage, the more powerful the Great Leviathan will be when it absorbs your soul. Now where we? Ah, yes. Mirror Knight Yugi. It's time to attack your other half. :'''Yami Yugi''': No, Yugi! Fight it! I know you can hear me! :''[Yugi struggles to fight against Dartz's command]'' :'''Dartz''': What's this? My soldier is still loyal to you? How touching. [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Self_Destruction|Even though you turned your back on him, he refuses to seek revenge]]. That will soon change. :'''Yami Yugi''': We'll see. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Kaiba! :'''Kaiba''': Just save it! That second-rate chump has held me back for the last time! Different Dimension Dragon Attack! :'''Yami Yugi''': No! Don't do this! :'''Kaiba''': Too late! :''[Knight Yugi's shield disintegrates]'' :'''Kaiba''': No way! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': You don't look happy to see me, and after all we've been through. Where's the love? Don't answer that. I've heard enough lies from ''you''. The Pharaoh opened me up to the truth. :'''Dartz''': Really? :'''Rafael''': Yeah, really. Thanks to him, [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Grappling_with_a_Guardian|I was able to escape the seal of orichalcos with my soul still intact]] unlike them and everyone else you used. Now set them free before you end up on that wall. :'''Dartz''': Your soul may have been spared, but it sounds like the orichalcos took what was left of your brain. :'''Rafael''': What's that supposed to mean? :'''Dartz''': It means you're more gullible than ever. Do you honestly think the darkness that once controlled you is gone? :'''Rafael''': Yes. The Pharaoh set me free. :'''Dartz''': Did he... Hmm. Or did he just trick you the way you think I did? :'''Rafael''': Stop it! You're messing with my head. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Rafael, You mustn't listen to him. :'''Rafael''': Everything is your fault. ''You'' took ''me'' from my family. :'''Dartz''': I needed your anger, your thirst for revenge. :'''Rafael''': ''[enraged]'' '''YOU RUINED MY LIFE, YOU MONSTER!''' ====Part 4==== :'''Dartz''': It's time to reinforce the sacred Seal with its most powerful layer thus far! Behold the ancient magic of my Orichalcos Tritos! ''[adds a third layer to the Seal of Orichalcos]'' Welcome to level 3, gentlemen. :'''Yami Yugi''': How can the Seal possibly get any stronger?! :'''Dartz''': We're dealing with a force greater than the darkest shadows and older than time itself. Does that answer your question? :'''Mokuba''': Whoa! :'''Téa''': His Life Points are out of control! :'''Dartz''': Orichalcos Malevolence, use your special ability to switch Kaiba's dragon into attack mode! So I'm afraid this is goodbye. With an attack strength of only 1400, your dragon is far too weak to defend your Life Points. :'''Kaiba''': So that means… :'''Yami Yugi''': You lose! :'''Dartz''': Now my beast, bring Kaiba's soul to me! :'''Kaiba''': Wrong! I activate my Shrink card! :'''Dartz''': ''[chuckles and the third layer of the Seal destroys Kaiba's magic card]'' Is it beginning to sink in yet? When used properly, the Seal of Orichalcos is unmatched by any other card in the game! And due to its third layer, your magic and trap cards are useless against me! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Kyutora has ''another'' ability! Whenever it's destroyed, it '''''evolves!''''' :''[Orichalcos Kyutora is destroyed and Orichalcos Shunoros appears]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Oh, no! What's going on?! :'''Kaiba''': What is that?! :'''Dartz''': My little friend is all grown up, so playtime's over! Gentlemen, I'd like you meet Orichalcos Shunoros! :'''Kaiba''': Did you see what I see?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Unfortunately. :'''Téa''': See what? :'''Tristan''': That thing's got 20,000 points! :'''Dartz''': Don't look so surprised. ''You're'' the ones who created this unstoppable beast! You may have destroyed my previous monsters, but you unleashed something far worse! :'''Yami Yugi''': It can wipe us out in one strike! :'''Dartz''': You're absolutely right, but before I do that, I have some more bad news to share. Orichalcos Shunoros, activate your special ability! Release Orichalcos Dexia… and Orichalcos Aristeros! :'''Yami Yugi''': What's the meaning of this?! :'''Dartz''': Allow me to clear things up. Shunoros just released two more creatures. The first one is known as Dexia, and its attack strength is always 300 points higher than the monster it's battling, making it the perfect sword! And the second one is just as strong. It will intercept every one of your attacks and retaliate with a blast that's 300 points greater than the one you fired, making Orichalcos Aristeros the perfect shield! You'll never get past my triple threat! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' Not only is his monster more powerful than Kaiba's dragon… but with Dexia and Aristeros on the front line, our attacks won't even get through! :'''Dartz''': I activate the trap card, Martyr Curse! This forces one of your monsters to engage in a battle with one of my monsters. And as a nasty little side effect, it cancels out any special abilities your creature may have. And since I don't seem to have much of a choice, I'll target your Mirror Force Dragon! Without its reflecting power, your dragon's completely defenseless, which means you're about to be out one soul! Orichalcos Shunoros, remove Kaiba's Life Points so the Orichalcos can remove his spirit! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Kaiba's Wish of Final Effort trap card increases Yugi's Life Points and loses his soul when his Life Points dropped down to zero…]'' :'''Dartz''': Pharaoh, it looks like you're the soul survivor. :'''Yami Yugi''': You disgust me. :'''Dartz''': I'll tell you what. Since I already have what I need... You can keep the rest of him! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Don't worry, Pharaoh. Your friends are fine. I don't need weak souls. I just wanted to spend some quality time with you, one-on-one. Is that so wrong? :'''Yami Yugi''': That's enough! :'''Dartz''': But there's something I think you'll want to know. You and I met 5,000 years ago when you were king of Egypt. We may not have been officially introduced, but I was there watching you. :'''Yami Yugi''': Go on. :'''Dartz''': When the battle of Atlantis ended, I thought the Great Leviathan was gone forever. That is, until I met you. :'''Yami Yugi''': Hold on! What does that evil creature of yours have to do with me?! :'''Dartz''': I thought you'd never ask. Behold the Palace of the Pharaoh in year 3000 B.C.! Ring any bells? Hmm? ====Part 5==== :'''Joey''': Huh? I've had some weird dreams, but this one takes the cake. Wait, hold on. I remember being trapped in a duel, but... how did I end up floating around in here? :'''Yugi Muto''': ''[offscreen]'' Joey? Is that you? :'''Joey''': Yugi! Long time no see! :'''Yugi''': I'm glad you're all right! :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': Please, bubble boy, you call this "all right"? :'''Yugi and Joey''': Pegasus! :'''Pegasus''': If we don't escape soon, we never will! :'''Joey''': Hmm? Where exactly are we, anyway, Huh? ''[spots at Valon, Mai Valentine, Weevil Underwood, Rex Raptor, Alister, Rafael and Seto Kaiba]'' Wait! Everyone in here had their soul captured! This must be where the orichalcos spits you out after you lose a duel! Aah! Calm down. Maybe it is just a dream. Uh... :'''Yugi''': It's no dream. And take a look, Joey. Things are about to get worse! :'''Joey''': What's that!? :'''Pegasus''': Don't you pay attention? That's the Great Leviathan, and it's using human souls for power. :'''Joey''': It's doing what!? But I don't wanna be turned into soul food! :'''Yugi''': We can still get out of this mess if the Pharaoh defeats Dartz! :'''Joey''': Huh? But how see gonna do that? ''[looks at Seto Kaiba]'' Rich boy's with us now. That means.... The Pharaoh's facing Dartz alone out there! :'''Yugi''': Wrong. Kaiba may have been knocked outta the fight... But the Pharaoh's not alone, Joey. :'''Joey''': I'm afraid I don't follow, Yuge. :'''Yugi''': He's still got all of us. Sure, we're not right there next to him, but we've never let that stop us before. :'''Joey''': Yeah, but I don't know if that's gonna work this time, 'Cause Dartz is playin' by a whole new set a rules. and nothing can take down that orichalcos card. :'''Pegasus''': There is one thing that can help. :'''Joey''': Huh? :'''Pegasus''': It's the card I gave him. And if the Pharaoh draws it, He'll be able to unleash a force like no other. :'''Joey''': In this card can beat Dartz? :'''Pegasus''': Yes. You see, it was during a trip to Egypt that I was inspired to create the game of duel monsters after making an astonishing discovery. Ancient kings and sorcerers once performed dark rituals to conjure real monsters. These creatures were believed to have lived in a universe parallel to ours, and guarding the gateway to this dominion of the beasts were three legendary dragons known as Timaeus, Critias, and Hermos. But you already know about them, right? :'''Joey''': Right. :'''Pegasus''': What you don't know is that these dragons aren't what they appear to be. They were buried with a dark secret. So I created a card that unlocks this mystery. :'''Yugi''': I don't get it. What's the secret? :'''Pegasus''': I spent many years scouring the globe trying to find an answer to that very question, Yugi boy. First I searched the microscopic world for the tiniest clues. then I scanned the vast reaches of the universe, and still nothing. Other than on stone tablet hidden deep beneath the sands of Egypt, there was no record of the existence of these dragons. Then it dawned on me. What if these dragons aren't dragons at all? What if they're humans! :'''Yugi''': Humans!? But how is that possible, Pegasus? and what does it have to do with that mystery card you gave to the Pharaoh? :'''Pegasus''': During the battle of Atlantis, Dartz transformed three brave knights into dragons in an effort to weaken them. Now the Pharaoh must restore them to their original form... Before we disappear forever! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': ''[shocked by the Pharaoh's Millennium Puzzle preventing the Orichalcos to take his soul]'' Impossible! No one can overcome the power of the Orichalcos! You should have lost the duel! What's going on?! Why didn't the Seal take your soul?! Tell me! :'''Yami Yugi''': You forced me to gaze inside my heart, thinking I would find only darkness. But you were wrong. :'''Dartz''': Then you gazed in the wrong place! :'''Yami Yugi''': Look, believe what you wish, but I know the truth. My heart is filled with the light of friendship, and no magic can take that away, no matter how strong it is. So, thank you. You reminded me that my friends are always with me. And we're going to win this fight and take you down together! Dartz… It all ends right now! ''[draws and gasps; thinking]'' It's the card Pegasus gave me! I can sense it! :'''Dartz''': Well? Get on with it. :'''Yami Yugi''': Do you know what's in my hand? The key to unlocking the secret of the legendary dragons! :'''Dartz''': ''[gasps]'' What?! :'''Yami Yugi''': You heard me. Legend of Heart! I give up 1,000 Life Points and remove my Obnoxious Celtic Guardian from the field! This lets me summon Critias, Hermos, and Timaeus in their true form! :'''Timaeus''': Finally! After 10 millennia in captivity, we've been set free! :'''Dartz''': No! Not them! :''[The three legendary knights appear in their true forms on Yugi's side of the field]'' :'''Timaeus''': I am he who is named Timaeus! :'''Critias''': And I am… Sir Critias! :'''Hermos''': I am known as… Sir Hermos! :'''Legendary Knights''': In the name of Atlantis… we have been reborn! :'''Dartz''': ''[shocked in disbelief]'' I thought I took care of you centuries ago! ''[The three knights slam their swords onto the ground and destroy the Seal of Orichalcos; horrified]'' What have you done?! My precious Seal is gone! :'''Hermos''': Your ring of darkness is useless in our presence! :'''Critias''': Did you forget our last encounter? :'''Timaeus''': I certainly did not. And I have a score to settle with you! :'''Yami Yugi''': The time has come to weaken your defense! ====Part 6==== <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': You lose, Dartz. Your 10,000 year quest is finally over. :'''Dartz''': It can't be. I've come too close. All I need is one more powerful soul and the Great Leviathan will arise from the depths of the earth. :'''Yami Yugi''': Too little, too late. Your serpent has been destroyed, and with that, our duel come to an end. Now release the souls of my friends and everyone else you've held captive. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Téa''': ''[in tears]'' It is you, Yugi! :'''Yugi''': Téa? :'''Téa''': I thought we'd never see you again! :'''Yugi''': It's good to see you, too. :'''Joey''': All right, Out of my way people. Where's my little buddy? Ha Ha! Yug! Man did I miss this spikey little head. :'''Yugi''': Hey, Joey! :'''Téa''': The gang is back! :'''Tristan''': Don't forget about me! <hr width="50%"/> ===''Rise of the Great Beast'' [4.39-40]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Dark Magician Girl''': Monsters, unite. Without us all hope is lost. We must join forces with the humans! And together we shall defeat the Great Beast. Now go! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': That Leviathan's a goner! It's 3 on 1 up there! :'''Kaiba''': I see you can count! Unfortunately, numbers aren't everything! :'''Yugi''': You can do this, Pharaoh! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': My Leviathan is fueled by the darkness of my prisoners! :'''The Pharaoh''': Wrong, Dartz! I was able to transform the darkness in their hearts to light! A light which now fuels MY beasts! :'''Dartz''': NO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, PHARAOH?!?! :'''Kaiba''': Hey, look! I guess the Gods did pull through! :'''Joey''': Told ya! That means everyone Dartz captured is free! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': I'm back. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi''': Look! It’s the portal that led us here! :'''Joey''': Alright! Home sweet home here we come! <hr width="50%"/> ====Part 2==== :'''Dartz''': Now, Great Leviathan! Crush the Pharaoh with his own darkness! :'''Yugi''': Let him go! :'''Yami Yugi''': No! Get back! :'''Yugi''': Huh? :'''Yami Yugi''': This is my fight now, I must prove that my rage is gone! ''[Yugi gasps flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|Yami Yugi and Rafael's first duel, the Pharaoh activated The Seal of Oricalcos card]]. flashback ends]'' When I played that card, I unlocked the evil in my heart, Ever since then, I’ve been fighting the anger within me, and now it’s destroying me. :'''Yugi''': But you stopped it… Didn’t you? :'''Yami Yugi''': No, Yugi! Listen. Facing you in that duel was a first step, But there’s a long way to go. ''[grunting]'' The darkness… It’s power knows no bounds. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Self Destruction|Yami and Yugi’s duel in the Stone Wasteland]] flashback ends.]'' :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh! Be strong! Focus on the good inside you! Think of your friends! :'''Yami Yugi''': Of course. As long as I’m filled with the light of friendship, Dartz can’t win. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#A Duel with Dartz|their duel]] and flashback ends]'' Thanks to my friends, I have enough light to banish the darkness! So with the power of everyone in my heart, I shall seal you away! '''BE GONE!''' :'''Dartz''': Great Leviathan, vanquish the Pharaoh's spirit for all eternity! :'''Yugi''': Get out while you can! :'''Yami Yugi''': You must trust me! :'''Dartz''': '''NO! THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE!''' :''[?]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Man''': The hurricane, It seens to be gone. :'''Captain''': Are you sure you're reading that thing right? :''[Back at Monument Valley, Duke Devlin, Rebecca and Professor Arthur Hawkins saw dark clouds are lifting out to the skylight.]'' :'''Arthur Hawkins''': The Darkness is Lifting. :''[Back at Atlantis]'' :'''Yugi''': You did it. ''[Yami collapses he helps him]'' Hey, are you all right? :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm fine, Yugi, The Great Leviathan is gone. :'''Yugi''': Yeah. Thanks, pal. It's over now. ''[spots at Dartz]'' But what about Dartz? :''[Dartz wakes up his dark side is gone then the light glow when Ironheart, Chris and Skye appears]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi, Look it's Ironheart, and Chris. :'''Dartz''': Father, Chris, It's you. :'''Chris''': Dad, you're back! :'''Ironheart''': My son, At long last. And you have the great pharaoh to thank. He drove out the evil force that controlled you. :'''Dartz''': Oh. :'''Yami Yugi''': I knew it. Deep down you're a noble ruler, Dartz. :'''Chris''': And a great father! I've missed you so much, Dad. :'''Ironheart''': Your work here is now complete. You may go in place. Great things await you. So return now to your world by stepping through that portal. :'''Yugi''': But what about you? Are you guys gonna be OK? :'''Ironheart''': Yes, For the first time in centuries. :'''Yami Yugi''': Alright, Yugi let's go back home. :''[Pharaoh and Yugi walked toward the portal and looks at Chris, Dartz, Ironheart and Skye and they walked off enter the portal and disappears Chris looks at her father.]'' :'''Chris''': Hey, Dad. We should go too. After all this time, We have a lot of catching up to do. :''[Dartz smiled agreed with his daughter now the Atlantis is going down to the ocean and splashed towards Dartz's lair.]'' :'''Seto Kaiba''': Mokuba! Start the engines! :'''Mokuba Kaiba''': Seto! :'''Seto''': We have to get out of here. :'''Téa Gardner''': Without Yugi? No way. :'''Joey Wheeler''': Eh? :'''Téa''': Don't you know where he is? :'''Joey''': Don't tell me. :'''Téa''': You mean he's still in there!? :'''Mokuba''': Time's running out! :'''Seto''': Mokuba's right. We can't wait. :'''Joey''': Yugi! :'''Tristan Taylor''': Are you nuts man! :'''Joey''': Get your hands off of me Tristan! I’m not leaving here without Yugi! :'''Tristan''': Joey, we have to trust that he found the way out on his own! :'''Joey''': YUGI! :''[the gang hops in the KaibaCorp helicopter and takes off as Dartz's lair is washed down. Inside the helicopter Téa, Rafael, Tristan, Joey, Kaiba and Mokuba.]'' :'''Seto''': Good riddance. :'''Mokuba''': I just hope Yugi wasn't in there. :'''Téa''': Me, too. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the Hospital Rex and Weevil wakes up was that a dream.]'' :'''Weevil Underwood''': Where am i? Mommy? :'''Rex Raptor''': Hey! Who's said that!? :'''Weevil/Rex''': Huh! Oh! :'''Rex''': What are you doing in my bedroom, Weevil!? :'''Weevil''': Your bedroom!? You're in a hospital, You dimwit! :'''Rex''': What happened!? :'''Weevil''': I know who fault this is. :'''Rex''': ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#On the Wrong Track|Joey's]].'' :'''Weevil''': ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#On the Wrong Track|Yugi's]].'' :'''Both''': '''YOU'RE PAY FOR THIS! YOU HEAR ME!?''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alister''': Mikey, I know you're out there somewhere, And I'm not gonna stop looking until I find you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': ''[wakes up]'' I’m home. ''[thinking]'' Was that all a dream? ''[flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fighting for a Friend|Joey and Valon's last duel]]. Flashback ends he gets up the bed and the card fell off he spotted the Harpie Lady card and holds it walked outside the beach house and smiling looked at the sky]'' I'll never forget you. Thanks Mai. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mai driving on her motorcycle at the beach]'' :'''Mai Valentine''': ''[thinking]'' ''I'm glad that mess is over. Now to pick up the pieces.'' ''[In Mai's flashbacks, it shows the beginning of how she entered the Doma organization, when she met [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#An_Unexpected_Enemy|Yugi's friends and running towards Joey]] [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Fighting_for_a_Friend|before he became unconscious]]. Flashbacks ends]'' ''Sorry Joey. But I can't face you yet. So I'm gonna hit the road until I'm ready to own up to everything for what have I've done. But I'll be back.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dark Magician Girl''': ''[voice-over]'' Yugi, Wake up. :'''Yugi''': ''[wakes up and surprised on the beach and sees the sunset on the ocean.]'' Any idea where we are? :'''Yami Yugi''': It seems we've washed up on shore. But I wonder how. Someone must have guided us here. Hmm. :'''Yugi''': Hey, look! ''[sees Dark Magician Girl along with Timaeus, Hermos and Critias appears]'' It's Dark Magician Girl! :'''Yami Yugi''': And she's brought with her the three legendary knights. :'''Dark Magician Girl''': We four are forever in your debt. Not only have you rescued your own world, But you've saved the creatures of our world as well. Thanks to your fearlessness. The dominion of the beasts can once again flourish just as it did so many years ago. And by breaking the evil spell that imprisoned the legendary knights. They can continue to protect our land. :'''Yugi''': I'm just glad we could help. :'''Timaeus''': Thank you both. You fought bravely. Farewell. :'''Critias''': You two will never be forgotten. :'''Hermos''': For as long as we reign. :'''Yami Yugi''': Well, We couldn't have done it without you. In the face of ultimate darkness, Your couragfousness sparked a light so incredibly strong it will burn for all eternity. :'''Timaeus''': Thank you, Pharaoh. We shall meet again. :''[The legendary knights flying off together.]'' :'''Dark Magician Girl''': The time may come that we need each other again. If so, You know where I'll be. Right there in your deck. :''[she flying off with the legendary knights together then inside the KaibaCorp helicopter]'' :'''Téa''': Look, those weird lights are back. :'''Joey''': Well, that explains why? It's Dark Magician Girl and the three legendary knights. :'''Téa''': I guess they’re going home. Now that their world is safe again. :'''Yugi''': ''[sees "The Eye of Timaeus" card disappears]'' Well, Pharaoh there goes our Timaeus. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes Yugi, There goes Timaeus. :'''Joey''': ''[sees "The Claw of Hermos" card disappears]'' Well, there goes Hermos. :'''Kaiba''': ''[sees "The Fang of Critias" card disappears]'' Oh well... No big deal. My deck's still unstoppable. :'''Téa''': I hope Yugi's all right. ''[spots Yugi on the island]'' Look! :'''Mokuba''': Huh? :'''Joey''': Eh? :'''Tristan''': Huh? Hey! It's Yugi! :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh! Over there! They made it out! :'''Yami Yugi''': You're right. :''[KaibaCorp helicopter lands on the beach and the door open]'' :'''Joey''': Yugi! :'''Tea''': I knew we find you. :'''Tristan''': Hey man! :'''Joey''': ''[giggling]'' I'll never let this spikey head of yours is outta my sight. :'''Tea''': Is it really all over? :'''Yugi''': Yep, we're safe now. :'''Mokuba''': ''[next to Seto Kaiba behind Rafael]'' Hey, Yugi! :'''Joey''': Let's hit the high road folks, I'm sure there's someone else trying to taking over the world back home. :'''Tristan''': You know the scary thing is he's probably right. :''[The gang hops the KaibaCorp helicopter when Yugi sees the Pharaoh watches the sunsets down the ocean.]'' :'''Tea''': ''[offscreen]'' Yugi, is something wrong? :'''Yugi''': I'll be right there, Tea. ''[The Pharaoh and Yugi looked at each other as the sun going down the ocean.]'' ''[voice over]'' ''We may have stopped Dartz, but the Pharaoh's not done yet. Now he has to pick up where he left off before all this craziness started 'cause the biggest adventure of all is still ahead. And it won't be over till the pharaoh unlocks the secrets of his past. He needs to learn who he really is and why he was sent back here. Maybe then his spirit'll finally be able to rest. Well, no matter what happens, one thing's for sure... whatever he finds out there... and whatever he needs to face... he won't have to do it alone.'' ==External links== {{wikipedia|Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (season 4)}} {{Yu-Gi-Oh!}} [[Category:Yu-Gi-Oh! seasons|4]] [[Category:Children's television seasons]] onsek2y1j7cfrffvccj6nuwt0cnh5ze 3779003 3778988 2025-07-15T02:37:45Z 2001:8003:DD49:F700:70BE:E456:AB7D:24BF /* A Duel with Dartz [4.33-38] */ 3779003 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''Seasons''': [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 1)|1]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 2)|2]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 3)|3 Enter the Shadow Realm]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)|4 Waking the Dragons]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 5)|5 Grand Championship and Dawn of the Duel]] | '''Movies''': [[Yu-Gi-Oh! The Movie: Pyramid of Light]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Dark Side of Dimensions|The Dark Side of Dimensions]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh!: Bonds Beyond Time|Bonds Beyond Time]] | [[Yu-Gi-Oh!|Main]] ---------------- The following is a list of quotes from the fourth season of '''''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'''''. ==Waking the Dragons Arc== ===''A New Evil'' [4.01-02]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Rex Raptor''': Ever hear of stepping aside?! :'''Weevil Underwood''': Yeah! What's your problem? :'''Gurimo''': The problem should be yours when I strip you two fools of your souls. :'''Rex Raptor''': Does the Grim Reaper know you've raided his wardrobe? :'''Gurimo''': ''[his eyes glow green, explaining the Orichalcos]'' ''Quod valedico vestrum animus.'' :'''Rex Raptor''': Say what?! :'''Weevil Underwood''': I-I think you just got him mad! :'''Gurimo''': Rise on your feet and Duel! ''[activates his Chaos Duel Disk and Weevil and Rex scream in terror off-screen]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Great deities of domination, I call upon thee. Use the pharaoh's force to penetrate the dominion of the beasts and liberate the fury of 10,000 years. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gurimo''': Your fate is now sealed. ====Part 2==== :'''Alister''': Looks like someone needs a rest. :'''Valon''': The boss warned us that the Egyptian God Cards and the magic of the Orichalcos might not mix so well, didn't he? :'''Alister''': I think that geezer's just getting too old for this. :'''Rafael''': Well, that's why we made him Duel first, right? To test the Pharaoh's strength. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Now why does all these weird stuff always happen to us? ''[Yugi is silent]'' You've gotta admit, it's true. :''[Rebecca runs up to meet Yugi]'' :'''Rebecca''': Yugi! ''[Hugs Yugi]'' :'''Yugi''': ''[Very surprised]'' Uh, hey....you! :'''Rebecca''': Oh no, don't tell me you forgot about me already! :'''Tristan''': Yet another weird event to add to the list. :'''Joey''': And this one tops them all. :'''Tristan''': It's probably best if we don't interfere! :'''Tea''': ''[Leaning towards Yugi]'' Do you know this person, Yugi? :'''Yugi''': Um, I don't think so. :'''Rebecca''': Maybe this will refresh your memory! ''[Holds up a card]'' :'''Yugi''': ''[After flashback]'' Ah, Rebecca! :'''Joey''': It's that brat! :'''Rebecca''': Hi! ''[Big smile; waves her hand]'' :'''Joey''': Wait, she looks different. Did she get a haircut or something? :'''Tristan''': No dude, she traded her teddy bear for glasses. :'''Rebecca''': ''[Hugs Yugi]'' I don't need a bear... now that I've got a boyfriend to protect me! :'''Tea''': Um, excuse me? A boyfriend!? :'''Rebecca''': ''[Another hug]'' My grandpa is also really excited to see you Yugi! :'''Yugi''': Professor Hawkins? :'''Rebecca''': Yeah, he's waiting at the Museum. :'''Tea''': Grrr... ''[Anime vein throb]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arthur''': Remarkable, Isn't it? :'''Solomon''': That's my boy. :'''Yugi''': Hey, guys! :'''Arthur''': Yugi Muto. You're just the person I need to see. I have a theory that all of these monster sightings have something to do with you. :'''Yugi''': Huh. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': Here we are, gang, Home, sweet home. :'''Rafael''': Wait til the boss hears we found the Pharaoh. ===''Legend of the Dragons'' [4.03]=== :'''Rafael''': We located the Pharaoh, Master. Unfortunately, we weren't able to capture his soul. :'''Dartz''': I didn't expect you to defeat him this soon. We've just begun. :'''Rafael''': But you know me, Master. I never come back empty handed. ''[walks forward with a small wooden box, and opens it to reveal the three Egyptian God Cards inside]'' :'''Dartz''': Excellent, the Egyptian Gods. ''[reaches out and takes the three cards in his hand]'' At long last. I've waited an eternity to hold their power in my hands. ''[the cards begin glowing]'' I finally possess the supreme force necessary to awaken the Great Beast! ''[walks to the altar at the far end of the temple]'' Soon we shall rid the Earth of mankind, and rebuild civilization as it once was! ''[places the Egyptian God Cards in the mouths of three huge stone serpents, with Ra in the middle, Slifer on the right and Obelisk on the left]'' Serpents of the Orichalcos, please hear my call! ''[raises his hands in worship]'' I offer thee the Gods of Egypt! Use their divine might to unlock the sacred chamber of the Great Beast! Awaken him from his ancient slumber by accepting my offering! :''[Dartz laughs evilly as the three cards emanate a powerful beam of energy, which then shoots up past the temple roof and into the sky, culminating in an explosion of white light which clears to reveal an array of multicoloured lights floating in the sky]'' :'''Dartz''': The time has arrived, my friends. Finally, after ten thousand years, the Great Leviathan shall rise again! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dark Magician Girl''': We’ve only just begun. The great beast is still weak so he retreated for the moment. And for that my companions and I are truly my Pharaoh. But many of us remain prisoners on the other side. :'''Yugi''': What’s next? :'''Dark Magician Girl''': The great beast will return again… and his power will grow! He must be stopped before he is fully restored! Time is running out! ===''The Creator Returns'' [4.04]=== :'''Dartz''': Rafael! :'''Rafael''': Yes, Master Dartz. ''[kneels before Dartz]'' I know what to do. I'll find the Pharaoh. And this time, I'll make sure we drain his power to feed the Great Beast, sir. :'''Dartz''': Why don't you try listening? It's really a wonderful skill. ''[turns around]'' And when you master it, you'll realise that we need more than just the Pharaoh's soul! :'''Alister''': Then we'll deal with the others too. I'll take Kaiba. :'''Valon''': I got my eye on someone too. That feisty little bloke Joey Wheeler. ''[laughs]'' He should be fun to take apart. :'''Alister''': I know why you're after Wheeler. :'''Valon''': Mind your own business, Alister! What about you? Why the sudden interest in Kaiba? :'''Alister''': Look, I have my reasons, Valon. :'''Valon''': Really?! :'''Rafael''': Knock it off! We're in the presence of Master Dartz! :'''Dartz''': The Pharaoh and his friends are on his way to speak with the one we've been watching. Just make certain that you reach him before they do. :'''Rafael''': Pegasus? :'''Dartz''': And to think, I called you a bad listener. Now go see Pegasus at once! :''[Alister and Valon join Rafael in kneeling before Dartz]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': I can’t believe the very monsters I made famous and now terrorising people around the world. Oh. Talk about bad publicity. :'''Mai Valentine''': Do you always talk to yourself like that? :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': ''[turns looks at the window shelf a strange figure is Mai Valentine]'' Huh? :'''Mai Valentine''': You got to get yourself some friends, honey. :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': But how did you get past my security? :'''Mai Valentine''': I guess your office isn’t as secure as you think it is, money bags. :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': I know you, you’re Mai Valentine. Tell me, why did you come here? :'''Mai Valentine''': Good question. I came here to duel you. And to take your soul. :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': '''NO!''' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Yugi and his friends at the airport]'' :'''Yugi''': I'll see you soon, Grandpa. :'''Solomon''': Take care, Yugi. And don't forget to keep your seats upright during takeoff. And don't fill up on peanuts. :'''Yugi''': Sure, bye, Grandpa. :'''Tea Gardner''': Well, we're off. :'''Joey Wheeler''': Thanks for the ride. :'''Solomon''': You kids be careful, now! :''[Weevil and Rex are sneaking to followed Yugi and his friends to hiding in the bag.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pegasus''': Kaiba boy! I missed you! ===''Deja Duel!'' [4.05-06]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Mokuba''': Seto, We're approaching Duelist Kingdom. :'''Seto''': I'll try to make this quick. The less time I spend here, the better. :'''Mokuba''': Me, too. This place has nothing but bad memories. :'''Seto''': Initiate the landing sequence now. :'''Mokuba''': You got it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pegasus''': I just haven't been myself lately. in fact... ''[in Alister's voice]'' I mean that quite literally. :'''Mokuba''': What's going on? :'''Alister''': Surprise! ''[chuckling]'' :''[he rips himself off, revealing Alister]'' :'''Alister''': I've waited for this day for a long time, Kaiba-boy. :'''Seto''': You're gonna pay for tricking me like that! :'''Alister''': ''[as Pegasus' voice]'' Pretty good imitation, right? :'''Seto''': Identify yourself. :'''Alister''': ''[normal voice]'' Alister's the name, Kaiba boy! Now let's duel! ''[activates his chaos duel disk and draws a card]'' Hm. ''[holds up "The Seal of Orichalcos" card]'' This magic card is about to change everything. Activating the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Seto''': What's that? :'''Mokuba''': This is nuts! :'''Seto''': Explain yourself now! :'''Alister''': Oh, as if you're gonna believe me? :'''Seto''': Try me. :'''Alister''': We're trapped in here till the duel's over. Then once I crush you, I'll be able to get out. Hmm. Of course, you on the other hand won't be quite as lucky as myself Kaiba boy. :'''Seto''': What do you mean? :'''Alister''': When you lose, your soul will be locked away for all eternity... But this time, you won't be set free! :''[To Be Continued...]'' ====Part 2==== :'''Alister''': Let's get on with this. I summon Gorlag in attack mode! And here's a little bonus. :'''Seto''': Your monster just got stronger! But how?! :'''Alister''': Remember the Seal of Orichalcos? As long as it stays active on the field, every one of my monsters gets 500 attack point boost. :'''Seto''': What?! :'''Alister''': You heard me. Plus, my Gorlag gets another 500 points for every fire monster on the field. :'''Seto''': There are none! :'''Alister''': Oh, no? What do you think my Gorlag's made of? Ready, Gorlag? Attack his Versago the Destroyer, now! ''[Gorlag attacks Seto's monster and it reappears on his side of the field]'' :'''Seto''': ''[thinking]'' What's that?! :'''Alister''': Did I forget to mention my Gorlag's ''other'' special ability? Every time he destroys one of my opponent's monsters, that very same monster reappears on ''my'' side of the field-- only this time, it becomes a creature of fire! And you remember what happens when a creature of fire is on the field, right? My Gorlag gets even stronger! It's over for you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alister''': It used to be my brother's! But I'll never see him again… 'cause your father took him away from me! <hr width="50%"/> ===''An Unexpected Enemy'' [4.07]=== :'''Rafael''': Someone out there likes to crash parties. Let's find out who. ''[drives off]'' :'''Valon''': I already know. And I know just where she's going too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Don't we get a "hi"? What's with the silent treatment, Mai. :'''Mai''': I'm not Mai. at least not the Mai you knew. :'''Joey''': What? :'''Mai''': You heard me. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#The Creator Returns (E.4)|she and Pegasus' duel at Industrial Illusions]], flashback ends.]'' Alright, gang. ''[holds up the card is Maximillion Pegasus' soul is captured by the Seal of Orichalcos]'' Say hello to Pegasus. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[shocked]'' What? :'''Tristan''': Whoa... Is that really him? :'''Téa''': Ah... Question: Did you do that to him? :'''Joey''': Look! You better start talking! :'''Valon''': ''[offscreen]'' or else what!? :'''Joey''': Huh? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Joey, Yami Yugi, Téa and Tristan spots at Valon and Rafael on top]'' :'''Valon''': What's the matter, Wheeler, did your little reunion with Mai not go as well as you expected it to do? ''[to Mai]'' And you! Why are you keeping these guys all for yourself, Mai? Why don't you show some manners and share the fun with us? :'''Mai''': Mind your own business, you lackey. These geeks are mine, so deal with it. :'''Joey''': Geeks!? But we're your friends, Mai. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_3)#One_for_the_Road|Joey and Mai after the battle city finals]]]'' Please, Mai! Tell me this is all a joke! You're on ''our'' side, remember?! :'''Tristan''': Great. Mai totally sold ''us'' out! :'''Téa''': No! Mai would never do that! Tell him. You're still ''our'' friend, right? :'''Yami Yugi''': Time to explain yourself. :'''Mai''': I was never a ''part'' of your little playgroup. And now I'm gonna break you apart one-by-one. ''[activates her chaos duel disk]'' And Wheeler… I'm starting with you! :'''Joey''': Fine! :'''Mai''': It's payback time, and it all starts, now! And to think, I was once pathetic enough to call you my friend. But now I know the truth! You were holding me back from achieving true power! So say hello to my real friend… THE SEAL OF ORICHALCOS! This card's done for me than you losers ever could! ''[activates the card, trapping Joey and herself in it]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': No! Not this! :'''Mai''': ''[chuckles sinisterly]'' If you're scared now, just wait till you lose. :'''Joey''': Wake up, Mai! This thing's nothing but bad news! It's messing up your head, big time! Don't you remember everything we've been through together? Just ditch that freaky card, and things can be the way they use to be! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': It's exactly as I feared. The Orichalcos controls her! This duel must end. :'''Téa''': Otherwise, she's gonna do the same thing to Joey that she did to Pegasus! ===''My Freaky Valentine'' [4.08-10]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Mai''': What are you waiting for, Wheeler? :'''Joey''': I'm waiting for you to come to your senses! :'''Tristan''': She's lost it. How can she side with the enemy?! :'''Téa''': It's all because of that Orichalcos thing! :'''Yami-Yugi''': Now, one of them will lose their soul. :'''Téa''': No, you can't do this! Don't you see you're letting that magic card control you, Mai! You're putting your own life in danger! :'''Yugi''': They can't go through with this! We've got to do something! :'''Yami-Yugi''': But the Puzzle is powerless against that seal. :'''Valon''': Ey, Pharaoh! Quit mumblin' to yourself down there, will ya? In case you didn't realize this last time, nothing can break the Seal of Orichalcos! Once it appears, it doesn't disappear until a soul's been captured! :'''Rafael''': And don't think you're off the hook, Pharaoh. As soon as the girl takes your friend's soul, I'm takin' ''yours''. :'''Mai''': Get back in your cage, gorilla boy! When I'm done with Wheeler… Yugi belongs to ''me!'' :'''Yami-Yugi''': But why? :'''Téa''': ''She's'' nuts! :'''Rafael''': I never liked her. No respect. Any more lip from Mai and she's next. :'''Valon''': Aw, give the girl a break, will ya? She's still new at all this, mate. Plus, she's kinda cute when she gets mad, don't ya think? :'''Rafael''': Uh, no. :'''Mai''': When are you gonna make your move, hotshot? This year would be nice. :'''Joey''': What did I say?! ''I'm'' not gonna duel ''against'' you, Mai! :'''Mai''': Afraid you're not good enough? Afraid you're gonna lose like you did in Battle City?! I shoulda known you'd back down! :'''Joey''': Actually, I'm afraid I'm gonna win. 'Cause if I do… You're gonna pay for it by givin' up ''your'' soul! :'''Mai''': I have no soul! :'''Téa''': ''[shocked by what she said]'' You hear that?! :''[Valon whistles]'' :'''Mai''': I told you, the Mai you knew is gone! I traded in her soul for power! The old Mai was too lonely and pathetic. The girl was just holding me back. So I did what I had to! I sent her packing! Now, my weak side's gone for good! :'''Joey''': Well, I happen to have liked the old Mai and I'm gonna get her back! :'''Mai''': I'd like to see you try! :''[Joey activated his duel disk]'' :'''Tristan''': He's gonna go through with this?! :'''Téa''': Be careful, Joey! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mai activates her Nightmare Tri-Mirror trap card to transform the reflection of Joey's Scapegoats into four more Harpie Ladies, thus giving her a total of six Harpies]'' :'''Tristan''': Wait just a second, she can't have six monsters in play! :'''Yami-Yugi''': Remember, Tristan, thanks to the Seal of Orichalcos, Mai is allowed to have up to ''ten'' monsters on the field at once. :'''Tristan''': D'oh! Stupid magic thing! :'''Mai''': Now this is what I call, "girl power!" You're up against six Haripe Ladies all enhanced with the power of my magic card! I place one card facedown on the field. It was nice knowin' ya! I've got six Harpie Ladies and one big magic circle, and we all agree you're in over your head, Wheeler. Lucky for you, it's your move or I'd finish you off right now. So what's it gonna be? :'''Tristan''': There's nothing he can do! Mai backed Joey into a corner and now he's stuck there! :'''Yugi''': Tristan's got a point. If Joey doesn't do something quick, Mai is gonna win the duel! :'''Yami-Yugi''': That's true. And as long as the Seal of Orichalcos is on the field, Mai has all sorts of advantages. It even seems as though there are certain magic and trap cards that only she is allowed to use. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': I summon Panther Warrior in attack mode! Now, I sacrifice one scapegoat so my panther can attack! :'''Mai''': I reveal my facedown card! Harpie Lady Sparrow Formation! :'''Joey''': What?! :'''Mai''': My Harpie Ladies have all joined forces to repel your attack! :'''Tristan''': Mai didn't have that card back in Battle City. :'''Téa''': You're right. :'''Yami-Yugi''': It seems as though she's gone through more than a few changes since the last time we saw her-- including a stronger deck! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Look, Mai... I don't know what kind of spell these guys put on ya but you gotta wake up! Otherwise we're both gonna be in pretty big trouble! :'''Mai''': What spell!? No one's controlling me! ''[looks up on Valon and Rafael]'' Those two lackeys up there couldn't control my left pinky. ''I'' was sick of my life... So I ''chose'' to change it! :''[Téa, Tristan and the Pharaoh gasps and horrifying]'' :'''Joey''': ''[shocked]'' No way! :'''Téa''': How could you!? :'''Mai''': You guys wouldn't understand. You've never been an outsider like me... All alone. Duel monsters is all I have. And after [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 3)|the Battle City tournament]], I set out to become the best. I duel against chump after chump to improve my dueling skills. I needed to make a name for myself. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': I stopped whining like a loser and started taking control! Now nothing can stop me! :'''Joey''': I never knew you felt that way. Why didn't you tell us you were so unhappy? We could've helped you, Mai! :'''Mai''': '''SAVE IT!''' I don't need your kind of help! All I need now is power! And I'm about to unleash all of it on ''you!'' ''[draws]'' I play Harpie Lady Phoenix Formation! Since I have six Harpies on the field, it lets me destroy up to six of your monsters! :'''Tristan''': Hold on! Joey's only got three left! :'''Téa''': That means once Mai's Harpie Ladies attack, he'll be defenseless! :'''Yami-Yugi''': That's not all. Mai's magic card will also subtract the sum of Joey's monsters' attack points from ''his'' Life Points. :'''Mai''': Now, Harpie Ladies… unite and destroy every one of his monsters! Say goodbye to your three monsters, Wheeler! Someone is one attack away from losing their soul and I don't think it's me, sweetheart. Any last requests? :'''Tristan''': Mai's got 4000 points! She hasn't even lost one! And Joey's down to his last 200! Not to mention the fact that he's out of monsters! :'''Téa''': If he doesn't think of something right now, he's gonna lose the duel! ====Part 2==== :'''Yugi''': There is a way for Joey to end this duel without someone getting hurt, isn't there? :'''Yami-Yugi''': Yes, but it won't be easy. The Seal of Orichalcos is powerful. However, it does have limitations. It can only capture a soul when a duelist loses, and there it lies the secret to escaping its wrath. :'''Yugi''': I don't get it. :'''Yami-Yugi''': Let's hope Joey does. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': ''[spots at Weevil and Rex outside]'' It's a regalia party, What are you guys doing here? :'''Weevil''': It's that magic circle! :'''Rex''': Yeah! The same one we were trapped in! :'''Mai''': I sacrifice my two Harpies! That allows me to summon Harpie's Pet Dragon! And thanks to the Seal of Orichalcos, it gets 500 more points! Plus, it gets another 300 points for every Harpie I have on the field! :'''Yami-Yugi''': Now it has 3,400 points! :'''Mai''': It's been nice knowing ya, Wheeler! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Joey picked his own trap card in the middle, canceling Mai's attack]'' :'''Joey''': YEAH! Bingo, baby! :'''Tristan''': I knew he could do it! :'''Téa''': You go! :'''Weevil''': Now that's luck. :'''Rex''': Yeah, next time I play Bingo, I'm bringin' him! :'''Valon''': Well, there goes your theory. :'''Joey''': Looks like your last attack didn't work. So I'm still in the game! :'''Mai''': For now, maybe. :'''Téa''': That's cool. At least Joey bought himself a little time. :'''Yami-Yugi''': Yes, but it did come with a price, Téa. :'''Mai''': Impressive. But your little maneuver helped me out, too. :'''Joey''': Yeah, I know. Now you get to put the two cards you picked at the top of your deck. :'''Téa''': Oh, no! Now she can use those two cards again! :'''Yami-Yugi''': Harpie Lady Phoenix Formation and Harpie Sparrow Formation. Those are two of Mai's most powerful cards! :'''Mai''': You may have stopped my attack but my turn's not over. Next, I'll move one of my Harpie Ladies to my rear defense. And then, I'll place two cards facedown and end my turn. :'''Joey''': ''[thinking]'' I've got one more shot to do this, but I'm all out of ideas! ====Part 3==== :'''Rafael''': Valon, what are you doing!? :'''Valon''': With this fragment of the Orichalcos stone… I unlock the seal! :'''Rafael''': No! ''[jumps down]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami-Yugi''': Joey, are you alright. Joey! :'''Tristan''': Oh man. :'''Téa''': Why did he do that? :'''Rafael''': What were you thinking, Valon? You betrayed Master Dartz and risked your own soul! And you mean to tell me you did all that so you just saved some girl, Valon. :'''Valon''': She's not just some ''girl'', Rafael! :'''Rafael''': Would ''you'' listen to yourself, Valon!? ''[growls]'' I'll make up for this… By taken ''your'' soul, Pharaoh. The power around my neck puts your Puzzle to shame. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami-Yugi''': Joey! :'''Tristan''': You're okay, man! :'''Téa''': Joey! :'''Tristan''': Don't give up on us now. :'''Téa''': Joey. :'''Joey''': Where's Mai? Did those punks take her? :'''Téa''': I guess so. :'''Tristan''': Yeah. She gone. :'''Joey''': ''[gasps]'' Oh no, I was so close. ''[groans]'' I'LL GET YOU BACK, MAI! ===''The Challenge'' [4.11]=== :'''Seto Kaiba''': No way! My mind must be playing tricks on me! :'''Joey Wheeler''': I doubt that. My card seens to be doing the same thing, Kaiba! :'''Yami Yugi''': It feels as though these three dragons are calling out to us. :'''All''': Uhh! :'''Yami Yugi''': I was told that fate had chosen three modern-day warriors to release these legendary beasts. :'''Kaiba''': Chosen by fate? Get real. I'm the one who decides my fate, Yugi! Not some fairy tale about mythical dragons and giant man-eating monsters. :'''Yami Yugi''': Be reasonable for once! The world needs us! We do this as a team! :'''Kaiba''': Sorry... I don't do the teamwork thing. :'''Yami Yugi''': Listen! :'''Kaiba''': You geeks have wasted enough of my time already. I have a multi-million dollar company to run. Playtime's over. :'''Yami Yugi''': Kaiba! :'''Mokuba''': Seto.... wait up! :'''Joey''': We don't need him weighing us down anyway. With good old Hermos over here those hoodlums won't stand a chance. :'''Tristan''': Someone's back to their old self again. About time. :'''Joey''': It took me a while, but I realized being bummed out about Mai's not gonna bring her back. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': ''[angrily]'' What were ''you'' thinking?! I was just about to finish off Wheeler, and then you had butt in and ruin everything! :'''Rafael''': You're a real piece a work. He saved your soul, and this is how you repay him? :'''Mai''': Who asked to be saved?! Maybe next time, He'll learn to butt out! :'''Rafael''': Next time... We'll just let you lose. :'''Valon''': That's enough, mate, I'm fine! :'''Mai''': Yeah, Clam up, or you'll end up just like your friend here. :'''Rafael''': ''[stands up]'' ''You'' have no idea the danger you were in. :'''Mai''': Huh? :'''Rafael''': Do you remember that Hermos card Wheeler played? It's an ancient dragon that can only be controlled by a chosen duelist. :'''Mai''': Ha! Yeah, ''he'' was chosen all right! Chosen to have that scrawny butt of his kicked by a real duelist! Humph. ''[hops on Valon's motorcycle]'' Later, losers! ''[droves off]'' :'''Valon''': Hey, wait! That's mine! ''[coughs]'' :'''Mai''': ''[thinking]'' ''You'' won't escape me this time, Wheeler. :'''Valon''': I can't let Mai get hurt. I gotta stop her. :'''Rafael''': Forget about her, Valon. Let's focus on the Pharaoh. :'''Valon''': But Master Dartz said to wait. :'''Rafael''': Yeah, Well, Master Dartz doesn't always know what's best. I should take the strongest soul first. Once I get him out of the way, The others will fall right into my hands, one by one. :'''Valon''': But how do you know the Pharaoh will duel? :'''Rafael''': Because my plan is already in place. It's only a matter of time. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': A duel monster's card? ''[spots a note from Rafael and gasps]'' GRANDPA! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': You sure this is the place? :'''Yugi''': Professor Hawkins! Rebecca! :'''Rebecca''': Yugi. :'''Yugi''': Rebecca. What happened here? :'''Rebecca''': ''[in tears]'' Yugi… they tooked him. ''[starts to cries]'' My poor Grandpa! ''[sobbing]'' It’s not fair! He didn’t hurt anyone! :'''Yugi''': We’re gonna find him… I promise. :'''Rebecca''': Thank you. Who would do something like this?! <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi''': Oh, no! How far away is [[w:Death Valley|Death Valley]]? :'''Rebecca''': Well if we use Duke's car, it shouldn’t take us more than an hour or so. :'''Yugi''': Sorry, Rebecca… But I have to go alone. :'''Rebecca''': Why? :'''Yugi''': I’ve put you and your family in enough danger already. :'''Rebecca''': Uh-uh. Don’t be silly, Yugi. None of this is your fault at all. :'''Yugi''': Thanks, Rebecca. But It’s me they want, and you’ll be much safer here. And please, don’t tell Joey, Tristan, Téa and the other guys where I’m about to go, OK? :'''Rebecca''': But why? :'''Yugi''': I don’t want them to follow me there. :'''Weevil''': Interesting. :'''Rex and Weevil''': ''[looks at each other]'' Hmm? <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi''': Ready, Copernicus. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arthur''': Rebecca, Where's Yugi? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': We’ll keep an eye out on Rex and Weevil, I don’t trust those two. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Weevil''': We can't miss the showdown between Yugi and those guys. I have to find out how they made Mai into such a strong duelist. :'''Rex''': Can't we take a quick snack break? :''[Weevil and Rex spots Yami Yugi riding on Copernicus]'' :'''Weevil''': It's Yugi, he's getting ahead! :'''Rex''': No put the pedal to the metal! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': ''[looks after her grandfather was asleep and holds Ties of Friendship card what Yugi gives her]'' Be careful, Yugi. Please. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': I'm ready for you, Pharaoh. Thanks to my deck... and the power it holds. ===''Fate of the Pharaoh'' [4.12-14]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Rafael''': Very impressive, cowboy, But You'll need more than a few rodeo tricks to get yourself outta this. ''[Pharaoh crossing the bridge]'' You see, While my associates are satisfied with stealing the souls of your friends, I'm not. :'''Yami Yugi''': I did my part. Now you release the Professor Arthur Hawkins as you promised. :'''Rafael''': He's already been set free, but since you've come all this way, you might as well stay awhile. ''[?]'' So you're gonna stick around, right? 'Cause like I said before, Pharaoh, your friends aren't good enough. I need to capture the soul of the pharaoh himself so I can save the world. :'''Yami Yugi''': Save the world? Don't you see that what you're doing is going to ''destroy'' the world? or are you so insane that you can't tell the difference? :'''Rafael''': I'm just fine. It's you who's blind to what's going on. You're fighting on the wrong side. :'''Yami Yugi''': Explain yourself. :'''Rafael''': This world's a dark and lonely place to live. It's been poisoned by mankind. All I'm trying to do is fix what's been ruined by people like you, and I'll do it by locking your spirit away for good. :'''Yami Yugi''': Who do you think you are? :'''Rafael''': Look, The name's Rafael, and I called you here to duel, not shoot the breeze. I've waited for this moment long enough and I have no intention of putting our fight off for another minute, so let's go. :'''Yami Yugi''': You've given me no choice. But know this, in the end righteousness will prevail and justice shall be served. ''[activates his KC mass production duel disk]'' :'''Rafael''': That's just what I'm hoping for. ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' :'''Pharaoh and Rafael''': Let's duel! ''[their life points to 4000]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rex Raptor''': Hey Weevil, Check it out. :'''Weevil Underwood''': Yugi started dueling already. ====Part 2==== :'''Rafael''': Well, for starters, He's a better leader than you were. That's right Pharaoh. My master told me all about your history as the king of Eqypt; How you ruled as an evil dictator using the power of the shadow realm to control your subjects. :'''Yami Yugi''': Wake up. ''He'' lied. :'''Rafael''': How would you know? You have no memory of your past. So isn't it possible that you're responsible for the destruction of Egypt?! Think about it! :'''Yami Yugi''': It can't be. I know I was a worthy pharaoh. I'm the one who locked the dark magic away! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh, no! :'''Yami Yugi''': Let go! :'''Yugi''': No! You don't know what you're doing! :'''Yami Yugi''': Let go! :'''Yugi''': Listen to me! This card is affecting your mind! :'''Yami Yugi''': We're going to lose the duel! Can't you see?! Trust me! It's the only way, Yugi! We must do this! Now let me go! :'''Yugi''': Please don't play that card! :'''Yami Yugi''': Now I activate the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Rafael''': ''[thinking]'' ''Excellent''. :''[The Pharaoh activates the card]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''What have I done?'' :'''Yugi''': No! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Do you guys see what I see!? :'''Tristan''': Is that light what I think it is!? :'''Joey''': The Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Rafael''': Nice work, Pharaoh. I knew you had it in you. Now, let's see what the Orichalcos reveals about you. Are you good or are you evil? So, tell me. How do ya feel? ''[laughing]'' :''[To Be Continued...]'' ====Part 3==== :'''Yami Yugi''': What have you done to my dragon!? :'''Rafael''': It's not what I've done.... It's what ''you've'' done by playing that magic card. Guess I should warned ya. Timaeus and the Orichalcos don't mix. But at least your dark side's been set free. :'''Yami Yugi''': What have I unleashed? ''[screaming]'' You were a fool to hand me this card! For when you lose, you soul will be for all eternity where it belongs! Now I activate Hand Control! All I need to do is correctly guess the name of a card in your hand and I can activate it! And since I gave you the necromancy card, I know you're holding it! Now it's mine! Ha! Necromancy allows me to bring four monsters back from my graveyard! So return to me Big Shield Gardna... Berfomet... Gazelle the king of mythical beasts... and Kuribabylon! Next I'll sacrifice Gazelle and Berfomet so I can summon my Dark Magician! Then I'll separate my Kuribabylon into the five Kuriboh brothers I used to create it! Now my monsters, feel the power of the orichalcos! <hr width50%> :'''Yugi''': Hey, where am I? The Seal of Oricahlcos! No! ''He'' played it! What have you done, Pharaoh? <hr width50%> :'''Joey''': YUGI! :'''Tristan''': No way, dude! :'''Joey''': What's going on? Why's that oricahlcos thingy on Yugi's forehead. :''[Joey, Tristan and Duke jumped in next Weevil and Rex.]'' :'''Rex''': You guys just missed the best part. :'''Duke''': Yeah? Then why don't you two fill us in. :'''Tristan''': I don't trust these twerps as far as I can throw 'em. :'''Joey''': Hey! ''[grubs Weevil]'' My best buddy's got that freaky ding on his head and I want answers now! :'''Weevil''': Why don't you take your paws off of me and try asking nicely! :'''Joey''': Wrong answer. Now it's go time! :'''Weevil''': Don't hurt me, Don't hurt me... :'''Rex''': It's the Seal of Oricahlcos! :'''Weevil''': ...Don't hurt me, Don't hurt me... :'''Rex''': Yugi got it from that big muscle guy and then activated it! :'''Weevil''': ...Don't hurt me, Don't hurt me. :''[Joey lets go off Weevil and he, Tristan and Duke gasps sees Yami Yugi faces Rafael and he using that evil spell card in horrified and Weevil panting.]'' :'''Joey''': Yugi ''wouldn't'' do that! He knows that card is ''evil!'' :''[The Pharaoh growls as the Orichalcos appears on his forehead]'' <hr width50%> :'''Weevil''': Alright, guys, If Yugi loses I call dibs on his Dark Magician. :'''Rex''': That's not cool. Why don't you show some compassion for a change... and let me take his Dark Magician. :'''Joey''': Watch it! <hr width50%> :'''Joey''': That doesn't sound like to Yugi I know. Come on pal... Snap out of it! <hr width50%> :''[In the far corners of Yugi's subconscious mind]'' :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh, NO! The Seal of Orichalcos is in play! So the monsters on the field are real! Please don't sacrifice the Dark Magician Girl! <hr width50%> :'''Tristan''': Earth to Joey, are you there, man? :'''Joey''': I'm here, but Yug's not. he's brainwashed! :'''Tristan''': Say what?! :''[Duke gasps]'' :'''Joey''': He's sacrificing his monsters left and right and talking about "power." That's not Yugi's style a duelin' at all! That oricahlcos ding is messin' with his head! Just like it did to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|Mai!]] :''[In the far corners of Yugi's subconscious mind]'' :'''Yugi''': ''[in tears]'' How could ''he'' do this? That card is evil. I warned him. <hr width50%> :'''Rafael''': You let your rage take over. Now look into the eyes of your monsters! :'''Yami Yugi''': Please forgive me for what I've done to you! <hr width50%> :'''Rafael''': Guardian Eatos, destroy his monsters and the rest of his life points! <hr width50%> :'''Yami Yugi''': '''NO!''' :'''Rex''': No way! Yugi actually lost! :'''Duke''': This can't be! :'''Tristan''': Oh man! :'''Joey''': Yugi! :''[In the far corners of Yugi's subconscious mind]'' :'''Yugi''': If he lost the duel. Then he'll loses his soul! :'''Rafael''': ''[laughing]'' Time for you to pay up, Pharaoh. The Seal of Oricahlcos never leaves the field without taking something along for the ride. And this time it's you, and you have yourself to blame 'cause you sealed your own fate when you played that card. Now your life-force will awaken the Great Beast. :''[In the far corners of Yugi's subconscious mind]'' :'''Yugi''': Not if I can help! With all the power of the Millennium Puzzle, I break the Seal! <hr width50%> :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh, I won't let his happen to you! :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi, no! What are you doing here!? :'''Yugi''': It only needs one of us. So I'm letting the Seal take ME instead. :'''Yami Yugi''': NO! YUGI! <hr width50%> :'''Rafael''': Adios, Your Highness. :''[The Pharaoh collapses]'' :'''Joey''': Hey! You alright pal!? :'''Weevil''': I doubt it. :'''Rex''': Yeah Ditto. :'''Duke''': This is nuts. :'''Tristan''': Come on, pal. :'''Joey''': Yugi, Get up! Please, Yug! :'''Rafael''': You won't be needing these anymore. <hr width50%> :'''Weevil''': Ha! Hey, Rex. :'''Rex''': I know exactly what you're thinking. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Pharaoh wakes up]'' :'''Tristan''': He's awake! :'''Joey''': I knew you outsmart that big goon. So How'd ya Yug, How did you escape. ''[sees the Pharaoh crying]'' Everything alright pal? :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[in tears]'' No, Joey. It's far from alright. I didn't outsmart him. He succeeded. Yugi's gone. :'''Joey/Tristan/Duke''': Whoa! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Great Leviathan, Please accept my latest offering. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': I don't get it. How can you be talkin' to us if ''he'' took your soul? :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[in tears]'' Not mine! Yugi's! IT'S ALL MY FAULT! YUGI, COME BACK! IT SHOULD'VE BEEN ME, NOT HIM! IT'S NOT FAIR! ===''Trial by Stone'' [4.15]=== :''[Rex and Weevil followed Rafael on the helicopter]'' :'''Rex''': He's getting away! We have to get our hands on one of those orichalcos magic cards. Just a little more! :'''Rex and Weevil''': ''[screaming]'' :'''Rex''': This is all your fault! Help! Mommy, I'm falling! :'''Rafael''': Oh, great. :'''Rex and Weevil''': Huh?! phew. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tea''': How'd it go? Is everything OK? :'''Joey''': Not quite. We got a problem guys. :'''Tea''': What do you mean? :'''Duke''': Yugi didn't win. :'''Tristan''': He's gone. :'''Tea''': Wha- :'''Tristan''': You heard me. Yugi got beat, Tea! :'''Tea''': You're wrong! If Yugi really lost that duel, those creeps would have taken his soul with their freaky magic card, Tristan! :'''Joey''': So what's your point, Tea? :'''Tea''': My point!? If he's lost how can he be standing right... ''[gasps and turns around looks at the Pharaoh]'' behind me? Oh no. :'''Rebecca''': Yugi, talk to me. What's wrong!? Why are you acting so strange!? :'''Yami Yugi''': Rebecca, they got him. :'''Rebecca''': Got who? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi. ''[Flashes back to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|their last duel as the Seal took Yugi instead]].]'' I know. This whole thing's my fault. I'm the one who unleashed the magic that took Yugi away. :'''Rebecca''': You knew that card was evil and you still played it!? If you really were a brave pharaoh, you would never have done something like that to poor, little Yugi! :'''Tea''': Now hold on. :'''Rebecca''': Oh, Tea! ''[sobbing]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm afraid Rebecca's right. :'''Tea''': Huh? :'''Joey''': What's done is done. :'''Yami Yugi''': I let everyone down. Especially Yugi. He warned me not to play the Seal of Oricalcos card, but my rage took control. ''[Flashes back to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|their first duel, the Pharaoh activated The Seal of Oricalcos card]].]'' He paid for my mistake. :'''Joey''': You got to ''snap'' outta this! :'''Yami Yugi''': He's gone, and it's all my fault. :'''Joey''': Get a grip, man! :'''Téa''': Joey! :'''Joey''': If we're gonna rescue Yugi, We gotta move ahead, not look back, So pull yourself together! What we gotta do now is find out who this Dartz guy is and where ''he'' keeps all these souls! :'''Duke''': I've been suggesting we do that since day one, but nobody listens to me. :'''Tristan''': Stop thinking about yourself for once, Duke! :'''Duke''': Down, boy. Heel! :'''Yami Yugi''': Let him go, Tristan! :'''Tristan''': Huh? :'''Yami Yugi''': This happened because I couldn't control my anger, and if we keep fighting amongst ourselves, the orichalcos will destroy us. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': You’re about to meet our master, so don’t anything to stupid. :'''Alister''': Yeah, He doesn’t have as much patience as we do. :'''Rex and Weevil''': gulped. :''[They opened the door]'' :'''Rafael''': Mission accomplished, Master. :'''Weevil''': We're gonna become super villains. :''[Rex and Weevil giggling]'' :'''Rafael''': You'll be happy to know the strongest soul on Earth has been captured, Master Dartz. :'''Dartz''': Ah, yes. The Pharaoh. :'''Weevil''': Pharaoh? :'''Rex''': What pharaoh? :'''Dartz''': Unfortunately, you failed again. ''[chair turns around wears a suit]'' :'''Valon''': ''[walks in with an arm in sling]'' That's right. The soul of the Pharaoh is still out there, Rafael. :'''Rafael''': ''[shocked]'' What?! :'''Alister''': ''[shocked]'' Huh?! :'''Dartz''': Now watch and learn. :''[Weevil whimping]'' :'''Rex''': What's that? :'''Dartz''': The Pharaoh's [[w:Rebirth|spirit inhabits the body]] of a young man. And what we have here is a clear case of mistaken identity. :''[Camera zooming towards image of Yugi Muto in stone]'' :'''Rex''': ''[shocked]'' No way! :'''Weevil''': ''[shocked]'' Yugi?! :'''Valon''': Instead of the Pharaoh, ''you'' got the soul of some kid! :'''Rafael''': I still don't understand. :'''Dartz''': Then you need to clean out your ears, you oversized baboon. Both of their spirits inhabit one body! Get it!? ''You'' captured the wrong soul! :'''Rafael''': But how!? I’m pretty sure ''I'' was dueling the Pharaoh! So the Orichcalos should have sealed him! :'''Dartz''': Well, apparently you're not as perceptive as you think you are because ''he'' got away! :'''Rafael''': That Punk! :'''Dartz''': There's no ''one'' to blame but ''yourself''! :'''Rafael''': I can fixed this, If you’ll let me. :'''Weevil''': Hey! :'''Valon, Dartz, Rafael and Alister''': ''[spots at Rex Raptor and Weevil Underwood]'' Huh? :'''Weevil''': Let's go! :'''Rex''': Go where? :''[Rex and Weevil run to Valon, Dartz, Rafael and Alister and knees on]'' :'''Weevil''': Might I suggest something, sir? :'''Rex''': Like a better hideout? :'''Weevil''': Quiet! ''[bangs Rex's head]'' :'''Rex''': Ow! I'm just trying to be helpful. :'''Dartz''': Who are these two? :'''Rex''': Haven't you heard of us? Former regional duel monsters champions? :'''Rafael''': They're just a couple of wanna-be duelists who followed us here. They probably never even played the game. :'''Weevil''': Never played the game?! :'''Rex''': Wanna-bes?! We're great duelists, but we came here to become even better. :'''Weevil''': Yugi and his friends have been making fools of us for years. ''[flashbacks to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 1)#The Ultimate Great Moth|Yugi and Weevil's duel with the Summoned Skull and The Great Moth in defeat,]] and then [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 1)#Trial by Red-Eyes|Joey and Rex's duel with a Time Wizard and Red Eyes Black Dragon in defeat]] at Duelist Kingdom. flashback ends]'' Before ''they'' showed up, we ''ruled the duels.'' But lately it seems like we're just the butt of everyone's jokes. :'''Rex''': And no ''one'' likes being a butt. :'''Weevil''': Uh, What he means is, we want nothing more than to have our revenge. So, please, mister Dartz, sir, share your dueling secrets with us and we'll help you get what you want. :'''Rex''': Please! :'''Dartz''': It won't be easy. The Pharaoh and his little friends wield the power of the legendary dragons. How do you intend to fight against cards like those? :'''Weevil''': That's exactly why we need your help, sir. :'''Rex''': Yeah, Weevil and I need the seal of orichalcos. :'''Dartz''': You know, Before I share my power with you, I have to make sure you're worthy. :'''Weevil''': Give us a chance to prove it. :'''Rex''': We'll do anything. :'''Dartz''': Very well. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Deliver to me the soul of the Pharaoh and his companion young Joseph Wheeler. The Orichcalos is with you. Used it correctly and victory is yours. :'''Rex and Weevil''': Yes, sir. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Back inside the caravan]'' :'''Joey''': So they wanna rule the world. We've dealt with that before. :'''Yami Yugi''': No, Joey, this time things are different. :'''Tristan''': Yeah, They're not just talking about wiping out all life on earth, they're doing it! :'''Joey''': But we know how to stop 'em. :'''Tristan''': Huh? :'''Joey''': We got to go straight to the source and destroy that secret weapon of theirs. :'''Tea''': You mean [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Legend_of_the_Dragons|that weird monster-zapper in the sky?]] :'''Tristan''': Unfortunately, that thing's after more than just monsters. it's using human souls to power itself up so it can wipe out the rest of us. :'''Joey''': Yeah, and right now that thing's got Yugi, so I don't know about you, but I'm not gonna stand here twiddling my thumbs. I'm gonna take action. :'''Tea''': Look, Joey, I wanna help Yugi too, but we can't just fight this thing by ourselves. We need help. :'''Rebecca''': No, Tea. :'''Tea''': Huh? :'''Rebecca''': In case you forgot, Those jerks burned down my grandpa's laboratory and destroyed all his research. And without any hard evidence, there's no way anyone's gonna believe our story. :'''Tea''': But we have proof. It's all down in those underwater ruins. :'''Rebecca''': Whatever was there won't be of any help to us now. The ruins are gone, guys. :'''Tea''': Someone ruined the ruins? :'''Duke''': They're one step ahead of us. :'''Arthur''': ''[opens the door]'' Don't give up so easily. :'''Rebecca''': Gramps, you're awake. :'''Tea''': Yeah, shouldn't you be resting? :'''Arthur''': I'll be fine. Anyway who could sleep with you kids chit chatting all day? Besides, I can help you find the information you need. You're right about looking to the ruins for answers. :'''Yami Yugi''': So did you discover anything more about these thugs? :'''Arthur''': Well, I can't be sure, but based on the inscriptions I found, there's a good chance these fellows are descendants of Atlantis, an ancient continent said to have disappeared into the ocean thousands of years ago without a trace. :'''Tea''': Are you sure? :'''Duke''': Professor, If your hunch is right, Why would these people want to destroy what was left of their ancestors' city? :'''Arthur''': They must be trying to hide something. Those ruins revealed the history of Atlantis, and it's not a pleasant one. They must what to keep it a secret. :'''Yami Yugi''': How much of this history do you know? :'''Arthur''': Thousands of years ago, Atlantis was home to the most advanced civilization the world had ever known. It truly was a paradise on earth, a land of eternal tranquility where everyone lived in peace until one day, when a dreadful creature was called forth from the depths of the earth by an evil king. :'''Yami Yugi''': An evil king? Oh, no. ''[Flashes back to their first duel, Rafael told Pharaoh heard about the Pharaoh are the one responsible for the destroy Egypt.]'' :'''Tea''': ''[worried]'' What's wrong? Are you OK? :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm fine. :'''Arthur''': It seems this power hungry king drew his evil strength from a mysterious stone, and this stone drew it's strength from another world. :'''Joey''': It's that rock they wear on their neck, Isn't it? :'''Arthur''': I'm not sure. That's all I was able to translate. :'''Joey''': NO! :'''Tristan''': Chill out, man. you'll blow a gasket. :'''Joey''': You guys don't get it, do you? Those Atlantis freaks are trying to cover something up about this ancient mega-monster. :'''Duke''': Of course. There was probably something written in those ruins about how to destroy that thing before it destroys us. :'''Tristan''': I get it. Hey, Joey, I guess you had your good idea for the year. :'''Arthur''': The ruins may have been destroyed, but there are copies of the inscriptions at a museum. It's in [[Florida]], where I was doing my underwater research. :'''Tea''': Perfect. So all we have to do is go there and translate the rest. :'''Arthur''': Mm-hmm. :'''Joey''': What are we waiting for? Let's head to sunshine state and find out the secret to defeating these guys and saving Yugi, right? :'''Tristan''': I'm right behind ya, man! Goodbye to Death Valley, Hello to fun in the sun. :'''Duke''': That's great. Just one question: How are we supposed to get there? :'''Tristan''': We're doomed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kaiba''': ''[after hearing what happened to Yugi over the phone]'' YUGI LOST?! Yugi gave up his Duel Monsters crown to some nobody?! No one deserves that title but me! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[calmly]'' Hold on. :'''Kaiba''': I don't wanna hear another word! You're a disgrace to the game, Yugi! ''[hangs up]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': I'll book our flights and we'll take a train to the airport. I just hope we can save Yugi before it's too late. ===''On the Wrong Track'' [4.16-18]=== ====Part 1==== :''[at the train station]'' :'''Téa''': How this train ride anyway? :'''Joey''': Too long. :'''Téa''': ''[sighs]'' Any chance you wanna go instead of me, Duke? :'''Duke''': No can do, Téa. I gotta stick with Professor Hawkins in case those biker punks come back. :'''Tristan''': Duke's right. Plus he's gonna keep an eye on Rebecca too. :''[Flashback to Rebecca and Arthur see Pharaoh and his friends leaving]'' :'''Rebecca''': I wanna go too! They need a brain like mine to figure out how to save Yugi! Please!? :'''Arthur''': It's too dangerous. And the Pharaoh has enough on his mind already. :'''Rebecca''': Huh? :'''Arthur''': The last thing he needs is the responsibility of looking after you. His closest friend in the world's been taken from him. :'''Rebecca''': ''[cries ran back to the caravan]'' You don't understand anything, Grandpa! :'''Arthur''': Rebecca, wait! It's for your own good! :''[the flashback ends]'' :'''Duke''': You better get on the train before you miss your ride. :'''Joey''': We got plenty of time. :'''Tristan''': No, we don’t. :'''Joey''': Like I said "All Aboard!" :'''Téa''': Take care, Duke. :''[Joey, Tristan, Pharaoh and Téa are onboard the train carriages as the train horns blares and the train departed from the station as Duke waves to them.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Téa''': Come on, you gotta cheer up. I promise we'll get Yugi back. But in the meantime, you can't just sit around moping. It might feel better to talk about it. We can even come up with a plan together. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[sighs, gets up the seat and sadly walked off alone]'' Sorry Téa. :'''Téa''': Poor guy. ''[watches the Pharaoh walked off alone feeling sad after he lost the duel with Rafael]'' :'''Tristan''': Just let him go, Téa. :'''Téa''': Huh? :'''Tristan''': I think he needs to be alone for a while you know? :'''Joey''': He's already alone. :'''Téa and Tristan''': Huh? :'''Joey''': Isn't that the whole problem? He’s crushed. But he’ll be alright soon enough. ‘Cause we’re going to rescue Yugi, right guys? :'''Téa''': There’s no doubt. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' How could ''I'' have been so selfish? I gave in to the darkness within my heart... and Yugi paid the price. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|their last duel with Rafael as the Seal took Yugi instead]].]'' I've lost him forever. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tea''': ''[sighs]'' He's been gone for a while. :'''Tristan''': ''[notices the passengers are empty]'' Hey, Hold on. He's not the only one! :'''Joey''': Huh? :'''Tristan''': Call me crazy. But wasn't this train completely filled with passengers just a minute ago?! What's the deal!? How can a train full of people all of a sudden be empty!? :'''Joey''': What?! :''[Joey and Tea sees passengers are empty]'' :'''Tea''': Alright. Now I'm officially freaked out! :''[back at Dartz's lair]'' :'''Dartz''': ''[evilly laughter]'' A vacant train is the least of your problems, my young friends. I'm just getting warmed up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tea''': There you are. :'''Yami Yugi''': Huh? :'''Joey''': 'Case you haven't noticed, Something weird's going on. :'''Tristan''': If you asked me. I'd say this whole train ride is another trap. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[gasp]'' :'''Joey''': I'm sure those same slime balls are behind this. and I bet they're onboard. :'''Tristan''': Well what are we standing here for? Let's get 'em! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': Pharaoh! Tea! Whatta we do now!? :'''Yami Yugi''': Get help! :'''Tea''': Come on, we have to find a way to stop this train! :'''Tristan''': Hey, we're slowing down! You heard 'em. we gotta get help. :'''Joey''': I know... but there's a problem. ''[he and Tristan jumps off the rail coaches]'' We're in the middle of nowhere! and we don't even know those two are gonna end up. Bye, guys. Hang in there. :'''Tristan''': I guess it's just you and me now. :'''Joey''': Hmm ''[sees Rex appears snickers in the railcar with his chaos duel disk on.]'' Huh? Rex!? What are you doing here? :'''Rex Raptor''': ''[jumps off the rail coaches and walks towards Joey and Tristan]'' I still have a score to settle with you, Wheeler. Remember? You tooked my Red Eyes Black Dragon. :'''Joey''': Rex, This is not the time. :'''Rex''': It’s the perfect time for revenge. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[sees Weevil appears on top of this train with his chaos duel disk on]'' Weevil Underwood! Are you behind this!? You'd better start explaining yourself! :'''Tea Gardner''': Weevil? What are you what with us, worm boy! :'''Weevil Underwood''': What are you think I what? A rematched with the king of games! :'''Tea Gardner''': Are you nuts!? :'''Weevil Underwood''': I'm just in the mood for a friendly duel. :'''Yami Yugi''': Weevil, Who put you up to this? :'''Weevil Underwood''': No one did. I figured this was a good time to test out my new secret weapon, that's all. :'''Tristan Taylor''': Is that magic rock the professor told us about it! Where did you find that thing, Raptor!? :'''Joey Wheeler''': I knew it! ''He's'' working for ''them!'' :''[back on the train]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': You've been brainwashed, Weevil! :'''Téa''': Wake up! Those guys are just using you! :'''Weevil''': Who cares! as long as I have ultimate power! :'''Yami Yugi''': You're ''wrong!'' :'''Weevil''': Then just duel ''me!'' :'''Téa''': Wait a minute! :'''Yami Yugi''': Huh? Téa, no! It's too dangerous! :'''Téa''': Weevil! Don't you realize that if you go through with this duel, one of you guys is gonna lose your soul forever!? :'''Yami Yugi''': Téa. :'''Weevil''': Of course I do, Téa. That's the whole reason I'm here! To make him pay by ''sealing him away!'' :'''Téa''': Oh! :'''Yami Yugi''': Oh no! :'''Weevil''': Don't worry. Soon you'll be locked away with your friend Yugi, Pharaoh! ''[laughing]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Where is ''he!?'' Tell me! :'''Weevil''': I'm afraid the only way to find out is to duel me. so if you back down now, then you'll never see that little twerp again! :'''Yami Yugi''': Very well! Then let's duel! :'''Weevil''': ''[laughing]'' Wise choice, Pharaoh! ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' :'''Rex''': ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' I'm gonna enjoy this! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey Wheeler''': What did you do to my friends!? :'''Rex Raptor''': Nothing! Weevil's dealing with those two losers why I handled you two. :'''Tristan Taylor''': Weevil? So he's in on this train too. :'''Joey''': Rex, you guys pick the wrong side to join. :'''Rex''': Oh really? Well, we'll just see about that won't we. I've been given more power then you ever dreamed of! :'''Joey''': ''[growl]'' Look, Rex, not only can I duel circles around your sorry behind but you're half my size! So why don't you get out of my way before I step on you! :'''Rex''': Sorry, pal. I'm not going anywhere till we duel! So draw your cards and let's get it on, chump! I've got a duel to win! :'''Tristan''': Now what? :'''Joey''': ''[sighs]'' I warned them. Now let's trample this geek and then go find Yugi and Téa. :'''Tristan''': Good call. :'''Rex''': Oh yeah? You'll change your mind when ''I'' activate this card! :'''Joey and Tristan''': Huh? :'''Rex''': ''[snickers and holds up "The Seal of Orichalcos" card]'' Look familiar!? :'''Tristan''': The Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Joey''': Drop the card! That thing is evil, Rex. I'm telling ya, you have no idea what you're doing! :'''Rex''': You're not so tough now! Are you, Wheeler! ''[laughs and activates the card]'' :'''Joey''': ''He'' played it! :''[Joey and Tristan grunting and as Rex screams]'' :'''Tristan''': Aah! :'''Joey''': No, Tristan! :'''Rex''': Ahh! Ha Ha Ha! Now... That's what I call power. :'''Joey''': What was ''he'' thinking playing that! :'''Tristan''': Be careful, man! He just raised the stakes a this duel big time! Now who ever loses the game, loses their soul! :'''Joey''': Gee, Thanks for the reminder. :'''Rex''': Let's do this. It's payback time! :'''Joey''': Sorry, Rex. ''I'' won't duel ''you!'' :'''Rex''': You don't have much ''choice!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Weevil Underwood''': I won’t keep you in suspense any longer! ''[snickers]'' It’s my move! ''[holds up "The Seal of Orichalcos" card]'' And I think I’ll play the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Yami Yugi''': Weevil, don’t be a fool! :'''Weevil Underwood''': What seems to be the problem, Pharaoh? You’ve played this card before, haven’t you? If I’m not mistaken, this is what you used to lock little Yugi away! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Looks like the battles are underway. :'''Rafael''': Yes, Master. And if all goes well, the soul of the Pharaoh will soon be yours. Of course, we win no matter what, because whatever the final outcome is, we get two souls. :'''Dartz''': ''[evilly snickers]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rex Raptor''': Are you gonna duel, Wheeler? or just stand there like a loser while I take you apart? :'''Joey Wheeler''': I got no choice. Alright I didn't wanna do this... But you got yourself a duel! :'''Tristan Taylor''': Are you sure? :'''Joey Wheeler''': It's the only way to save Yuge, so yes. :'''Rex Raptor''': Good answer. I've been waiting for this moment for years. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': ''[evilly snickers]'' It won't be long now. The soul of the Pharaoh is nearly in my grasp. After all we have the perfect bait. ''[evilly laughter]'' :''[To Be Continued...]'' ====Part 2==== :''[Joey and Rex were still dueling with Panther Warrior, the two Gilasaurus and Kaitoptera still on the field]'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': Dude, you've got three dinos breathing down your neck! You better think of something before you're extinct! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Gee, thanks. :'''Rex Raptor''': You're in way over your head! Thanks to the Seal of Orichalcos, I can never be beat, but enough talk! On with the Duel! ''[draws Polymerization from his Deck]'' It's showtime. First, I'll use Polymerization to combine my Gilasaurus with my Kaitoptera to form Horned Saurus! ''[Horned Saurus appears on the field]'' But you ain't seen nothing yet! Next I'll play Giant Rex! ''[Giant Rex also appears on the field]'' And the Seal of Orichalcos gives my Jurassic giants a power boost! ''[Horned Saurus' and Giant Rex's eyes glow red as the Seal of Orichalcos raises their attack by 500]'' Time to get prehistoric on you, Wheeler, by letting my ravenous meat-eaters chow down on your Life Points! My Horned Saurus is up first! Now, attack Wheeler directly! :'''Tristan Taylor''': How can he do that when you've got a monster on the field? :'''Rex Raptor''': Easy, Horned Saurus has a special ability that lets him bypass your monsters and go straight for your Life Points! Tough break. ''[Horned Saurus fires a shockwave blast on top of Joey, making Joey's Life Points drop to 1500]'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': That runt is kicking your butt! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Thanks for the help. You're a real pal. :'''Rex Raptor''': For my next trick, Giant Rex will make your Panther Warrior disappear! ''[Giant Rex attack and destroys Panther Warrior]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Be patient, Great Leviathan. Soon the soul of the Pharaoh shall be yours. ''[evil laughing]'' :'''Weevil''': ''[chucking]'' You’re about to pay the ultimate price, and I’ll be known as the duelist who dethroned the king of games! :''[To Be Continued...]'' ====Part 3==== :'''Yami Yugi''': My dragon! He abandoned me! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rex Raptor''': Please Save me! ''[screaming as the Oricalchos claims Rex's soul]'' :'''Joey Wheeler''': ''Sorry, Rex. It's the only way.'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': Rex! Come on, man wake up! I know you're in there somewhere so snap out of it. :'''Joey Wheeler''': It's no use, Tristan. The Orichalcos has him now. But I promise we'll get him back. As soon as we find Pegasus and Yugi. :'''Tristan Taylor''': Yeah, but how? :'''Joey Wheeler''': But first we gotta figured out where this Dartz guy hangs out. Find him, and we'll find them. YOU HEAR ME, DARTZ?! WE'RE COMING TO GET YOU! AND WE'RE NOT LEAVING WITHOUT OUR FRIENDS! ''[echoes]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Yami Yugi and Weevil's Duel is still underway with Breaker the Magical Warrior, Poison Butterfly and Armored Centipede on the field]'' :'''Weevil Underwood''': I'll tell you what. Because I feel sorry for you, I'd be willing to do you a little favor before you lose. I have a card in my pocket I think you'd like to see. I can't wait to see the look on your face! ''[laughs hysterically]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[snarls]'' ''Weevil!'' :'''Weevil Underwood''': Relax, Pharaoh, I'm just trying to be nice. It's the least I can do to repay you for ruining my life. You wanna see Yugi, right? ''[the flashback cuts in]'' His spirit is trapped, deep in the caverns of Dartz's lair, and I know how to set him free! ''[cuts back to the present]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Tell me how to save him right now! :'''Weevil Underwood''': ''[laughs]'' Very well. In order to release his soul, you'll need a special card. ''[takes out a Gokibore card out of his pocket]'' And I've got it right here. :'''Yami Yugi''': What?! Then hand it to me now! :'''Weevil Underwood''': That's not a nice way to ask! Why don't you try saying, "Pretty please, with sugar on top"? ''[Yami Yugi walks short, but realizes that Weevil was bluffing]'' Oh, well, too late! So it looks like I'll have to teach you a lesson in manners! Now say goodbye! ''[rips the Gokibore card in half]'' Yugi's gone FOREVER! ''[Yami Yugi, having witnessed Weevil rip the card, suddenly erupts into an uncontrollable rage]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[roars ferociously]'' '''NO!''' :'''Weevil Underwood''': ''[laughing]'' :'''Tea Gardner''': ''[in tears]'' No. Poor Yugi. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[furiously]'' You snake! :'''Weevil Underwood''': ''[laughs]'' Don’t you know a joke when you hear one? I tore up a useless bug card. :'''Tea Gardner''': Huh? ''[anger]'' Weevil, That’s not very funny! :'''Weevil Underwood''': You people have no sense of humour! :'''Yami Yugi''': You'll pay for that! You hear me, Weevil!? :'''Weevil Underwood''': Ha! Huh? :'''Yami Yugi''': You'll pay dearly! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Weevil Underwood''': ''[thinking]'' Yugi's been planning this all along! :'''Yami Yugi''': It's the beginning of the end for you! ''[draws a monster card from his Deck]'' I've drawn Queen's Knight! ''[discards Queen's Knight to the Graveyard]'' And since it's a monster, my warrior can attack! Go! ''[Breaker attacks Weevil's Life Points, making them go to 700]'' Now, for my next card! ''[draws Gazelle the King of Mythical Beasts]'' Looks like you're out of luck. Attack again! ''[Breaker makes a second attack at Weevil, making Weevil's Life Points drop to 0]'' I draw again! ''[draws Big Shield Gardna]'' Another monster! ''[Breaker delivers the third blow to Weevil]'' This just isn't your day! ''[draws Alpha the Magnet Warrior and Breaker attacks Weevil while Tea tearfully witnesses the moment]'' Breaker, attack him again! ''[Breaker delivers the last blow to Weevil, just as the Oricalchos claims Weevil's soul]'' Let's see. ''[draws Dark Magician Girl]'' Oh, well... :'''Tea Gardner''': ''[rushes to Yami Yugi in tears]'' Please, Pharaoh! No more! :'''Yami Yugi''': Let me go! :'''Tea Gardner''': You can stop now. It's over. You've already won the duel. The Seal of Oricalchos is gone. We have to put an end to all this. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''Tea's right'', ''[holds Dark Magician Girl card]'' ''I have a promise to keep.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': So many souls, so little time. The Great Leviathan is growing impatient. I must supply him with the power he needs to awaken… and for that, I need the soul of the Pharaoh. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Tell me where Yugi is! :'''Tea Gardner''': Pharaoh... It's no use. You won. So the Seal of Oricalcos took Weevil away. Pharaoh? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': No! I need him alive! ===''Self Destruction'' [4.19]=== :''[after the train derails and falling off the cliffs a passenger car on the river, at Dartz's lair Dartz not happy]'' :'''Dartz''': ''[stands up]'' Somehow I've lost contact with the Pharaoh. :'''Rafael''': Maybe he didn't survive the fall. :'''Dartz''': He did. However, Something or someone is hiding him from my vision. :'''Rafael''': Then let me be your eyes, Master. I'll track him down and make up for my failure. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chris''': ''[offscreen]'' Skye! Get back here! Skye! ''[appeared enter the tent]'' That's no way to treat our guests. ''[to Pharaoh and Téa]'' Sorry if she woke you up. :'''Yami Yugi''': Who are you? How did you find us? :'''Chris''': You can call me Chris. ''[giggles]'' And you've already met Skye. She's the one that found you. She was sniffing around for food and ended up sniffing out you guys instead. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ironheart''': I see your strength is back. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes, Thank you. :'''Ironheart''': Pleased to hear it. You two had me worried. By the way, the name is Ironheart, and I believe this belongs to you. Pardon me for being intrusive... But I couldn't help noticing you possess the legendary Eye of Timaeus... The only one of it's kind. :'''Yami Yugi''': Take it. I'm not deserving of it's power. :'''Téa Gardner''': That's not true. :'''Ironheart''': I'll hold it until you're ready. :'''Téa Gardner''': Did you find another kid? He had glasses and a bad haircut? He was on the train with us it crashed. :'''Ironheart''': No, I'm afraid you were the only ones we found. Perhaps your friend was able to escape before the train fell off that cliff. I assure you, there wasn't another soul on board. :'''Yami Yugi''': I highly doubt Weevil was able to escape. Not in the condition he was in. I'm afraid there's a greater power at work here. :'''Ironheart''': I must say, young man. You seem to possess a wisdom that reaches far beyond your years. Now, I've encountered many people in my travels... but there's something about you i've never seen before... something in your eyes. I'm also sensing that you hold a great deal of loneliness in your heart. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's because I recently lost a very close friend of mine. His name is Yugi Muto. And now... I'm on a journey to find his soul. :'''Ironheart''': What will you do if you find him? :'''Yami Yugi''': I’ll apologize for betraying his trust and abandoning him. :'''Ironheart''': Hmm. I might just be able to help. Follow me. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Rafael jumps on the rail carriage after the train falls off the cliff looking for the Pharaoh.]'' :'''Rafael''': Hey, Pharaoh! You in there or not!? How did he escape? ''[looks at the mountain]'' I'LL FIND YOU, PHARAOH, WHEREVER YOU ARE! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi Muto''': Is that really you? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi! :'''Tea''': Hey, It's him! :'''Yami Yugi''': I've found you! Hmm? :'''Yugi''': You came all this way just to see me? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes of course, I just want you to say how sorry I am. :'''Yugi''': I'm sorry too, I wish this whole thing never happened. :'''Yami Yugi''': It's my fault. I surrendered to my inner darkness. I allowed my anger to take over and you paid the price. But now that you're gone, The darkness is starting to grow without your light to keep me pure... I'm becoming evil, Yugi. I'm beginning to believe that what Rafael said about me is true. Perhaps I was a [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|wicked pharaoh]]. ''[Flashes back to their first duel, Rafael told Pharaoh heard about the Pharaoh are the one responsible for the destroy Egypt.]'' What if I am the one responsible for the destruction of Egypt? If I'm capable of such horrific behavior then it's my soul that should be locked away. :'''Yugi''': Well, What good is that now!? ''I'm'' the one who's been locked away forever, Not ''you''! :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm sorry? :'''Yugi''': Well, The last thing I need is your pity, Pharaoh! If You're really evil there's only thing to do. :'''Yami Yugi''': What are you saying? :'''Yugi''': ''[has chaos duel disk on his arm]'' You said it yourself, Didn't you? Your spirit should be locked away with mine. ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' And I'm gonna do it. :'''Yami Yugi''': Wait! You misunderstood me! :'''Yugi''': Oh, So now you're taking back what you said!? Make up your mind! ''You'' don't deserve to be a part of this world! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[shocked]'' Yugi. :'''Yugi''': It's about time you started taking some responsibility for what you've done! There's only one thing left to do and you know it! You need to be a man for once and face me in a duel now! :'''Yami Yugi''': No please. :'''Yugi''': Too late! It's time for you to pay! If you're really sorry then you'll do this! It's time to duel! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tea''': Wait, So he's gonna duel himself. But why? :'''Ironheart''': This is the only way. :'''Tea''': Huh? :'''Chris''': That's why we took you guys here. So the pharaoh can face his other half. He has to deal with what he did so he can put it all behind him and finally move on. :'''Tea''': How do you know all this stuff? :'''Chris''': We've always known this. We were taught that a warrior would come to save our world. And as soon as we found you guys, We knew that he was the one. :'''Tea''': So, what's he supposed to do now? :'''Ironheart''': His first step is to face his inner fears and conquer the darkness that lurks within his heart. But if he loses this battle, The pharaoh's spirit will remain here forever. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Why are ''you'' acting like this?! :'''Yugi''': I'm just a reflection of ''you''! :'''Yami Yugi''': What do you mean, Yugi!? :'''Yugi''': You don't get it, do you? You and I are exactly the same. So the darkness that's in your heart... is also inside my heart. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi, I wish I could take it back. :'''Yugi''': Too late! You've already shown me who you really are an evil pharaoh who cares only about himself! Face the Facts! ''You'' didn't care what happened to me so long as you had power! Now it's my turn! :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi, wait! Are you holding the card I think you are!? :'''Yugi''': It's sounds like your starting to catch on aren't you, your highness? This duel is a chance for you to look at yourself from the outside. And there's only one card that can make that happen... The Seal of Orichalcos. :'''Yami Yugi''': Huh!? Yugi, no! ''[gasps]'' :'''Yugi''': Now it's pay back time, For taken my soul! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi… Don’t do this! Snap out of it! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': YUGI NO! I won't let you do this! ''[screaming]'' '''STOP!''' I ACTIVATE THE TRAP CARD... DIVINE WIND! :'''Yugi''': He did it! He was able to reverse my attack and double its strength to win the duel! :''[blast on Yugi and he screams and making his Life Points drop to 0]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': What have I done!? Yugi! :'''Yugi''': ''[groaning]'' :'''Tea Gardner''': Is he alright? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi! ''[running towards Yugi]'' Come on! ''[holds his body]'' Speak to me, Please! :'''Yugi''': You passed the test, pal. :'''Yami Yugi''': What are you taking about, Yugi? Did you plan this all along? :'''Yugi''': It was the only way. By defeating me you were able to defeat the darkness that was inside your heart. It wasn’t easy, But you did what was best for me and for mankind. You acted like a true hero. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[in tears]'' But now what? What can I do? :'''Yugi''': Don't give up this fight. Remember... I'm aways with you. ''[disappears]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[gasps see Yugi disappears]'' I'll save you! No matter what it takes. ===''Reliving the Past'' [4.20]=== :'''Téa''': Seems like the Pharaoh's in pretty bad shape down there. :'''Ironheart''': Of course. There's still a hole in his heart has Yet to be filled. :'''Téa''': ''[worried; thinking]'' Poor, guy. He still blames himself for what happened to Yugi. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[cries in tears after the duel with Yugi]'' Yugi, If it weren’t for me, You'd still be here. I'll never forgive myself. ''[Flashes back to their [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|last duel as the Seal took Yugi instead]].]'' Mark my words! I won't rest you until I get you back! Uhh! It's not fair! I should be locked away! Not you! I’m the one ''who'' played that evil card! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Meet Orichalcos Gigas! Attack the Pharaoh! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': I've got you right where I what you, Pharaoh. ''[evilly chuckle]'' :''[Rafael watches the Pharaoh and the Orichalcos soldier were still dueling with Obnoxious Celtic Guardian and Orichalcos Gigas still on the field]'' :'''Rafael''': Let's see you get yourself outta this. :'''Tea Gardner''': He's about to lose! :'''Ironheart''': There is but one thing that can save him. :'''Chris''': The card he gave you? :'''Ironheart''': Mmm. ''[grabs the card]'' The Eye of Timaeus. The creature that fought by my side so long ago. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': ''[spots at Ironheart]'' Who is that? :'''Ironheart''': Pharaoh! Take this card! :'''Yami Yugi''': Ironheart!? :'''Dartz''': You've disrupted my plans for the last time, old man. :''[lightning bolt strikes on Ironheart]'' :'''Ironheart''': AAH! :'''Yami Yugi''': IRONHEART! NO! :'''Chris''': GRANDFATHER! :'''Ironheart''': ''[groaning and collapses and holds up "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' Please take this card from me. It's the only way to defeat the beast. :''[Orichalcos blocks the Pharaoh on the field]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': I can't get out! :'''Chris''': Grandpa! :'''Ironheart''': It's up to you. :'''Chris''': What do you mean, Gramps? :'''Ironheart''': ''[groaning]'' Take this... and bring it to the Pharaoh. ''[Chris grab "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' Otherwise, All hope is lost. Good luck. ''[disappears]'' :'''Chris''': ''[gasps, sees her grandfather disappears in tears]'' No, Grandpa! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Please, Chris, Turn back! It's far too dangerous! :'''Chris''': ''[running, holds up "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' Pharaoh, My Grandpa want you to have this! ''[lightning bolt strikes on Chris]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': NO! :'''Chris''': ''[screaming]'' AAAAAHHHH! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Chris, No! :'''Chris''': ''[gasping]'' Pharaoh... ''[holds up "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' Take this... please. :'''Yami Yugi''': What is it? :'''Chris''': ''[groaning]'' It's the only thing that can stop him. It saved us once... and with your help it can save us again. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[grab and hold the card]'' The Eye of Timaeus. :'''Chris''': ''[smile and eyes closed]'' I trust you, Pharaoh. Thank you. ''[disappears]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[see Chris disappears]'' Hold on! Come back! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': There's only one thing left to do, ''[looks at "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' I hope you deem me worthy of your power, ''[close his eyes]'' I’m truly sorry for having betrayed you. But the lives are so many innocent people are getting hurt and depending on you, So I asked you not for myself, But for all those at risk. Please help me, Timaeus. The future of two worlds hangs in the balance, ''[open his eyes]'' we must win! No matter what. ''[draws Dark Magician Girl card]'' Now I sacrifice my Celtic Guardian in order to summon Dark Magician Girl! ''[summons Dark Magician Girl]'' Next I'll play... The legendary Eye of Timaeus! :'''Dartz''': He'll never learn. :'''Rafael''': ''[surprised]'' I don't believe it. He should never have been able to summon that dragon! :'''Yami Yugi''': Dark Magician Girl, fuse with Timaeus, forming Dark Magician Girl the dragon knight! Next, I'll enhance your strength with my Excalibur magic card! Attack! Destroy his creature of darkness! ''[Timaeus fire blast and Dark Magician Girl rise the sword and blast on the Orichalcos Gigas and the Orichalcos Soldier Blasting light]'' YOU HEAR ME, DARTZ?! I'M COMING TO GET YOU! AND I'M NOT LEAVING WITHOUT MY FRIENDS! ''[echoes]'' :'''Dartz''': ''[thinking]'' This isn't over, Pharaoh. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey Wheeler''': I'm assuming you see that gigantic green sunset over there, right? :'''Tristan Taylor''': What do you think it is? :'''Joey''': Hmm? ''[holds "The Claw of Hermos" card glowing]'' I'm guessing it's got something to do with this. Let's just hope Téa and the Pharaoh are alright. Come on! ''[ran off]'' :'''Tristan''': Hey, Wait! It's your turn to carry Rex! ''[ran off to followed Joey]'' I know you can hear me! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[to Timaeus and Dark Magician Girl]'' Well done, my creatures. He's gone now. Thanks to you two. But I feel this is just the beginning. :'''Rafael''': I have to say I'm glad you won, Pharaoh. 'Cause now I can be the one who delivers your soul to Master Dartz. ''[walks away]'' :''[Tea spots at Ironheart, Chris and Skye along with the three legendary dragons in stone]'' :'''Tea Gardner''': Wait. That's a carving of Ironheart, Chris and Skye from 10,000 years ago? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes. :'''Tea Gardner''': So you mean to tell me that those guys were just ghosts or something? :'''Yami Yugi''': They're spirits who once fought a great war, and now they've been captured by Dartz. ''[Tea stands up then she and the Pharaoh turns around and walks away]'' This gives me three more reasons to hunt down this madman and bring peace to the world once again. ===''Deck of Armor'' [4.21]=== :'''Yami Yugi''': Take my hand. We're back where we left off. :'''Téa''': Nice. Now all we have to do is follow those railway tracks. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's right. If all goes well, they should lead us straight to Tristan and Joey. assuming they haven't wandered off. :'''Téa''': They better be there. We have to do what we set out to do. Figure out where this Dartz creep hangs out so we can set free everyone he captured. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes, Téa. I only wish it were that easy. :'''Téa''': And remind me never to get on the train again. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Inside Paradius headquarters Mai at the meeting room with Dartz, Valon, Rafael, and Alister after Joey defeats Rex Raptor at the middle of nowhere on the railway line]'' :'''Mai Valentine''': Just leave Joey Wheeler to me. :'''Rafael''': You'll do nothing until Master Dartz gives you an assignment. :'''Mai Valentine''': What is this, Third grade? I decide who I'm gonna duel for myself. I don't wait for the homework assignment. :'''Rafael''': Why don't you show a little respect? :'''Alister''': Come on, Raf, as if little miss loud mouth knows respect? :'''Mai Valentine''': What did you call me? :'''Rafael''': Relax. :'''Mai Valentine''': Look, I was doing perfectly fine until Johnny stuntman over there stepped in. If it wasn't for you, I would a won. As for you, I don't need some scrawny freak dictating my every move! I'm out of here, losers! ''[opens the door]'' Humph! ''[walks off alone]'' :'''Dartz''': Just let her go, Valon. :'''Valon''': Hmm? :'''Dartz''': She can try to run away from fate, But in the end she'll get what she deserves. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': I know you’re deep down you feel the way I do, Mai. :'''Mai''': What? :'''Valon''': That’s why we found each other. You’re just like me… Lonely and misunderstood. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duke Devlin''': ''[driving]'' Should we have left so soon? :'''Rebecca Hawkins''': Of course. Time is running out. We have to catch up with the others now. ''[inside the caravan, Arthur was asleep]'' Besides, Gramps can get just as much rest on the road. Plus, we can't translate those ancient ruins without his help, Duke. :'''Duke''': Huh? ''[spots at Valon with Mai Valentine]'' Hey Rebecca, look, It's Mai Valentine. But what's she doing here? Wait a sec! That guy... ''[Flashes back to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|Joey and Mai's first duel]], Duke saw Valon next to Rafael watching Mai against Joey]'' I recognize him. He's one of those biker punks that brainwashed Mai. ''[cuts back to the present]'' He works for Dartz. :'''Rebecca''': Stop the car, Duke! :'''Duke''': Rebecca! Hold on! We’re dealing with a lunatic here! :'''Rebecca''': Alright, Tell me what you did with Yugi?! You guys had no right to take him! :'''Valon''': Sorry, kid, Never heard of him. :'''Rebecca''': Well, maybe this’ll refresh your memory! I win, You talk! Let’s duel! :'''Duke''': No, Rebecca! It’s too dangerous! :'''Rebecca''': I’ll be fine. I’ve dueled tougher opponents than this. So what are you say, punk? Do we have a deal or not? :'''Valon''': You can’t be serious, kid. :'''Mai''': Here’s your big chance. Why don’t you show me your stuff. :'''Rebecca''': Let’s go. I don’t have all day. :'''Valon''': Well, why not? She could use a lesson in manners and I got five minutes to kill. Plus I can sho off a few of my new dueling strategies. Alright. You talked me into it, mate. Let’s have a go. :'''Duke''': Hold on! If you dueling her then you'll dueling me too, tough guy! :'''Valon''': Peachy. Then I’ll take both of you blokes on. Ha. ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' Pay attention, Mai. This is for you. :'''Duke''': Remember, Rebecca, don’t let him play the seal of Orichalcos. :'''Rebecca''': Got it. :'''Valon, Duke and Rebecca''': Let’s duel! <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :''[Valon defeats Rebecca Hawkins and Duke Devlin in their duel.]'' :'''Rebecca''': Fine, You won. Now leave us alone. :'''Duke''': Get lost. :'''Valon''': Very well then, I gotta message for Joey Wheeler, tell that punk he's next. ''[laughing, then spots at Mai hops on her motorcycle]'' Where are you going, Mai. :'''Mai''': I told you, I worked alone! ''[droves off]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Téa, do you see what I see? :'''Téa''': You mean all those weird lights? :'''Yami Yugi''': I fear it’s the great beast. The same thing happened when it emerged the first time. ''[thinking]'' ''We’re running out of time.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Yes, Great Leviathan. Keep feeding, my child. You’re almost ready. ''[evilly chuckling]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Inside the KaibaCorp Airplane where Seto and Mokuba sitting on the seat]'' :'''Mokuba Kaiba''': You think it’s true, Seto? I mean, could Yugi really have lost to one of Alister's partners in a duel? And does that mean he’s trapped somewhere now? :'''Seto Kaiba''': It just means Yugi’s not as perfect as everyone thinks he is, and he’s not worth my time. We’ve got more important things to do. ===''Flight of Fear'' [4.22-23]=== ====Part 1==== :''[Kaiba and Alister's rematch duel begins]'' :'''Alister''': As the challenger, I'll start! And I'll summon my Science Soldier in defense mode! That's all for now. :'''Seto''': How pathetic. My move! I summon X-Head Cannon in attack mode! Now, X-Head Cannon, attack! Looks like you're defenseless. :'''Mokuba''': ''[worried; thinking]'' If Alister plays that Seal of Orichalcos, Seto's in big trouble! :'''Alister''': No big deal. Watch this! I play Cyber Soldier of Dark World. And next, I'll place one card facedown and end my turn. :'''Seto''': What a joke! My move! I summon Y-Dragon Head in attack mode! Attack his Cyber Soldier of Dark World, now! And now, X-Head Cannon, attack his Life Points directly! :'''Mokuba''': ''[thinking]'' Alister's making this too easy. :'''Seto''': I think that's just about enough punishment for now. I end my turn. ''[sets a card facedown]'' :'''Alister''': You sound pretty confident, Kaiba, but you'll change your tune. You've been so pretty occupied with your own monsters, you forgot what I have waiting in my deck. I guess I'll have to remind you. It's the card I used on you last time and it changes the entire playing field! :'''Seto''': ''[realizes]'' Hold it! Did you just draw what I think you did, Alister?! ''[turns to Mokuba]'' Mokuba, GET BACK! :'''Alister''': ''[raises the card up in his hand which is The Seal of Orichalcos]'' I activate the Seal of Orichalcos! ''[laughs as the Seal of Orichalcos grows the circle which engulfs the room and knocks Mokuba away from it's boundary]'' :'''Seto''': Mokuba! ''[beams of green light shoot out of the plane and as Alister screams, the plane's controls end up being sabotaged, including the autopilot]'' This can't be real! ''[The Seal of Orichalcos rises Kaiba and Alister up to the top of the plane]'' What's going on, Alister? :'''Alister''': ''[with his eyes glowing red]'' I just needed some air, that's all. <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> ====Part 2==== <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Man''': Master Dartz, I've just received word from our business division. :'''Dartz''': Yes, go on. :'''Man''': The Takeover was a success. Congratulations, Master. Kaiba Corp now belongs to you. ===''Paradise Found'' [4.24]=== <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': I got the images, And my grandpa's looking them over now. :'''Yami Yugi''': Good. Let's meet up as soon as possible. Oh, And one more thing… I'm sorry. :'''Arthur Hawkins''': Rebecca, You can't blame the Pharaoh for what happened to Yugi. :'''Rebecca''': ''[looks at her grandfather worried]'' Huh? :'''Arthur''': There's far too much at stake for hurting his feelings. You must be so hard on him. Right now, We're all fighting a common enemy. And this data may be our only hope. :'''Rebecca''': ''[sadly]'' You're right. :'''Arthur''': Pharaoh, The quality of the images is much worse then I thought. Unless we clear up these photos I won’t be able to read much at all. :'''Seto Kaiba''': Set a course for Kaiba Corporation headquarters immediately. :'''Tristan''': Dude, are you nuts. :'''Tea''': Dartz and his gang must’ve taken over the place by now. :'''Seto Kaiba''': The only way we can process these images fast enough is by using computer system, so we have no choice. :'''Joey''': Say what?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Kaiba has a good point, Joey. :'''Joey''': He does? :'''Yami Yugi''': First, they took Pegasus away… and now they’ve taken over Kaiba's company. Which means we've got to stop these criminals before they make their next move, and we have no time to lose! :'''Seto Kaiba''': Wow… You're more hung ho than I expected. You know, since you lost your title and all. :'''Yami Yugi''': Kaiba, this fight is about so much more than a mere championship dueling title. Don’t you see!? People are getting hurt and the world's in danger! :'''Seto Kaiba''': Hmm. Blah, blah, blah. Don’t you get tired of making the same speech every time you’re faced with a challenge? Stop saving the world and get a hobby. :'''Yami Yugi''': Rebecca, we’ll meet you two at the pier. :'''Rebecca''': 10-4 we’ll see you there. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': Master Dartz. :'''Dartz''': Take a look, Rafael. Your friend wasn't careful. :'''Rafael''': ''[spots at Alister in stone]'' Alister. :'''Dartz''': Don't sound so displeased. He's better off where he is now. Alister's energy, along with our other prisoners', will fuel the great beast. The Pharaoh and his friends will be arriving shortly. I trust you'll give them a warm welcome, Hmm. :'''Rafael''': He won't escaped me this time. <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Seto Kaiba''': ''[to Roland and Fuguta sent a soulless Alister and soulless Rex Raptor to the Hospital]'' Take those two to the medical center. I'm feeling generous. :'''Roland and Fuguta''': Right. :''[The KaibaCorp helicopter takes off to take Alister and Rex to the Hospital.]'' :'''Mokuba Kaiba''': Good luck, guys. :'''Joey Wheeler''': Stay safe. :'''Yami Yugi''': Professor, I'm glad you're alright. :'''Joey''': Me too. Hey, hows was the road trip, guys? :'''Duke''': Could a been better. We hit a pretty big snag on the way. :'''Joey''': Flat tire? :'''Duke''': We ran into Mai and one of those freaks. The one that jumped in and ended your duel. :'''Joey''': That jerk. :'''Duke''': He's really got it in for you, man. and I'm afraid Mai's still on their side too. :'''Joey''': Grr. Just wait until ''I'' find him! :'''Rebecca''': Hey, any word yet on Yugi? We have to find him. If you don't get him back, I'll never forgive you. Plus we need him to fight these guys! :'''Yami Yugi''': I miss Yugi, too. and I promise I will rescue him. You have word. But I need to pay a little visit to KaibaCorp first. :'''Rebecca''': Let me come with you! You'll need some tech support. :'''Seto Kaiba''': Ha! This Isn't some kind of field trip, kid. But I guess you can tag along if you want. :'''Rebecca''': I'm no kid! :'''Seto Kaiba''': Whatever you say, kid. I don't know about you geeks. But I have a company to save. So whoever's coming with me, let's move. :'''Mokuba Kaiba''': OK. :'''Tea''': Good luck and be careful. :'''Yami Yugi''': Right. :'''Tristan''': Alright, Tea. We better tell the police what's going on. The way this is heading we're gonna need all the help we can get. :'''Tea''': Yeah, good point. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Policeman 1''': Why don't you start over and this time try telling the truth? :'''Tea''': Don't you understand? That is the truth. There's a motorcycle gang going around stealing people's souls with a magic card. :'''Policeman 1''': Ha! You kids watched too many cartoons. :'''Tristan''': We're serious. These guys are trying to take over the whole world. :'''Policeman 2''': Really... Tell me something young man... this so called "gang"... do they wear a symbol like this! <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Here I come you creeps! :'''Rebecca''': Hey! Whoa! :'''Duke''': Get back here, Joey! Come on, man, we need a plan first! <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': This is Valon, Go ahead. :'''Rafael''': ''[on radio]'' The Pharaoh's friends are heading your way. :'''Valon''': Good, Then is time for me to show Joey Wheeler who's boss. :'''Rafael''': Valon, wait! :''[Valon turns off the radio and hops on the motorcycle droves off on the way back to the city]'' :'''Valon''': ''I gotta prove me-self to Mai.'' :''[Tristan and Tea saw Joey was running in the streets in the middle of the night]'' :'''Tristan''': Look, Here comes Joey! :'''Tea''': And there he goes. :'''Tristan''': Hey! Come back! You're going the wrong way! :'''Tea''': He's heading straight for the zombie patrol. :'''Tristan''': Go warn the others, Tea! I gotta stop him! ''[rans off]'' :'''Tea''': Tristan! :'''Joey''': ''I'm coming for you, Dartz and I'm not leaving without Yugi and Mai!'' :''[To Be Continued...]'' ===''Fighting for a Friend'' [4.25-29]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Tristan Taylor''': Joey, Come back! I'm wearing the wrong shoes for this! Joey, stop! :'''Joey Wheeler''': ''[stops and spots at the Orichalcos soldier]'' What's that?! :'''Tristan''': Uh, Joey. :'''Joey''': Yeah? :'''Tristan''': Maybe we should start running again. :'''Joey and Tristan''': ''[screaming]'' :'''Tristan''': Hey, stop! :'''Young guy''': You ever here looking both ways?! ''[droves off]'' :'''Tristan''': Hey, Hold on! :'''Joey''': You're going the wrong way! :'''Tristan''': Turn back! :'''Young guy''': ''[spots at the Orichalcos soldier]'' Whoa! Mommy! ''[falls off the motorcycle]'' It's just a dream... It's just a dream. ''[whimping and running away]'' :'''Joey''': See ya! ''[he and Tristan runs off as the Orichalcos soldier chases them]'' We've never out run this thing! :'''Tristan''': Joey! :''[Joey punches the Orichalcos soldier but then it shatters]'' :'''Tristan''': You beat him. :'''Joey''': ''[spots at Valon]'' Actually, I think he did. Hold on! I know you! [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|You're the ''one'' that took Mai!]] :'''Valon''': Right you are, mate! ''[droves turns around away]'' :'''Joey''': Hey! Come back! ''[runs after Valon]'' :'''Tristan''': Joey, Not again! Come back! :'''Joey''': ''[notices a motorcycle]'' This will do the trick. ''[puts the helmet on]'' Now... ''[picks up the motorcycle and hops on]'' Time to chase him down and save Mai! ''[droves off to chase Valon.]'' :'''Tristan''': Are you nuts?! ''[confused]'' I guess so. He's riding right into a trap. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': ''[chucking]'' Keep fighting, my soldiers. We must continue to collect the souls of man and beast, Until we have amassed enough power to rebuild Atlantis. ''[evil laughing]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Meanwhile Tristan was running a middle of the streets looking for Joey.]'' :'''Tristan''': Joey! Where are you?! ''[Mai’s motorcycle light appears towards him]'' Is that you Joey? :'''Mai Valentine''': ''[takes her bike helmet off]'' Not quite but I am looking for him. :'''Tristan''': Look, Mai… :'''Mai''': Save it, Dweeb! ''I'' know ''you’re'' his babysitter so where is ''he?!'' :'''Tristan''': How should ''I know?!'' One of ''your'' little pals forced him into a game of ''cat and mouse'' and now ''he's'' gone! :'''Mai''': ''[gasps]'' It’s Valon! :'''Tristan''': This is all your fault, Mai! ''[Mai puts her helmet on]'' ''You’re'' the one who got Joey into this mess in the first place! :'''Mai''': Out of my way! ''[drove off]'' :'''Tristan''': Hey! '''Get back here!''' The last thing ''he'' needs right now is '''''you!''''' ''[Mai ignores him and he growls]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': Here we are, old chum. Glad you could make it. Now let's get down to business, shall we? :'''Joey Wheeler''': Look, pal I want Mai back. :'''Valon''': Then why chase me? She happens to have a mind of her own, you know. :'''Joey Wheeler''': ''She'' did. At least... ''She'' did before ''you'' guys brainwashed ''her!'' :'''Valon''': You don't get it, mate. No one was brainwashed! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Huh? :'''Valon''': Mai chose to join ''our'' side with her own free will. And do you want to know why? She was sick of taking a back seat while you got all the fame! Then I stepped in and changed all that. :'''Joey Wheeler''': You messed with her head, that's what you did! She was the one of my best friends! But the last time I saw her she was saying things that Mai never would have said. :''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#My_Freaky_Valentine|he and Mai's duel she chose to join Dartz's team]] flashback ends.]'' :'''Valon''': Wake up, Wheeler! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Who do you think you are!? and what do you what with me? You better start Explain yourself, now!? :'''Valon''': Okay, look, the name's Valon, I led you here to get rid of you for good, 'cause Mai ''can't'' be happy with you around! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Huh? and what does that mean? :'''Valon''': You're a constant reminder of what here life used to be, and Mai whats to forget all that! But as long as you still exist in this world, she be never be able to forget! So, I'm here to erase you for good! ''[thinking]'' ''Plus, I know that deep down, Mai still loves you. and I can't have that!'' So, what do you say, Wheeler? Do we have ourselves a duel or not? Not that I'm giving you much of a choice! ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' :'''Joey Wheeler''': You know what, Valon, I never back down from a challenge especially when I'm fighting for a friend! Now let's duel! ''[their life points to 4000, Joey and Valon's duel begins]'' You're going down, My move. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': ''[panting]'' All right. I'm officially lost. ''[panting]'' Phew. I guess I can pretty much forget about finding Joey now. ''[but the Orichalcos soldier behind him]'' Huh? ''[Orichalcos soldier roaring]'' AHHH! YOU AGAIN?! ''[gulp]'' Hi, remember me? :'''Duke''': Huh? ''[stop the car]'' Tristan! :'''Mokuba''': What's going on? :'''Tea''': Maybe we should get someone else behind the wheel. :'''Duke''': Tristan needs our help, Look! :'''Tea''': ''[looks at Tristan with Orichalcos soldier]'' Oh no! :'''Tristan''': Come on! I’m taking whatever you got! :'''Yami Yugi''': Go, Celtic Guardian! :''[Celtic Guardian attacks Orichalcos soldier]'' :'''Tristan''': Huh? :'''Yami Yugi/Téa/Rebecca''': Tristan! :'''Duke''': Hey! Are you alright?! :'''Tristan''': Huh? ''[sees The Pharaoh, Téa, Duke and Rebecca running towards him]'' Thanks, Pharaoh. You came in the nick of time. Of course, I could have taken him myself. :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm afraid the only thing that would have been taken is your soul had we arrived any later. :'''Tristan''': I know, so those things are working for Dartz. :'''Téa''': Hey, Where's Joey? I thought you guys were together? :'''Tristan''': We were, Until he decided to hop on some guy's motorcycle and take off after one of Dartz's little flunkies. :'''Duke''': ''[shocked]'' You're kidding! :'''Rebecca''': Oh no! Was it Valon? :'''Tristan''': Who? :'''Duke''': It's Valon. He's the young guy that Rebecca and I dueled. :'''Téa''': Is that a bad thing? :'''Rebecca''': Not only does [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Deck of Armor|Valon have a thing against Joey]], but he's got a deck full of monsters I've never seen before. :'''Yami Yugi''': Let's go. We have to find Joey before it's too late. :'''Seto Kaiba''': That chump's gonna have to wait 'cause we've got bigger problems. :'''Yami Yugi''': What do you mean? :'''Seto Kaiba''': Look around you! ====Part 2==== :'''Joey Wheeler''': No, Not that! :'''Valon''': Well, looks like you're starting to catch on, mate. I play the Seal of Orichalcos! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': We’re just getting started. By the end of this duel, you’ll be begging for mercy. Then your old buddy Mai will see what a pathetic chump you really are, and hopefully she’ll realize why she walked out on you in the first place so she can move on already! :'''Joey''': Watch it, Valon! :'''Valon''': Look, mate… All I’m watching out for is myself! And right now, the best thing for me is to get rid of you! 'Cause as long as you’re around, Mai's gonna be obsessed with dueling you. :'''Joey''': Hmm? :'''Valon''': That’s right. Since your last duel, all she talks about is a rematch. But I can’t let Mai put herself in that kind of danger again… So I got to you first. You see Wheeler, I’m not such a bad guy. We both what the same thing. We want Mai to be happy. :'''Joey''': Come on, Valon… Get real. Ha. If you really wanted Mai to be happy… You wouldn’t have brainwashed her in the first place! :'''Valon''': I told you, ''She'' chose to join us! :'''Joey''': No way! I know Mai, and ''she'' never would have walked out on us like that. Not unless someone messed with her head! And if you asked me, This Dartz guy is messing with all of your ''heads!'' :'''Valon''': Hmm? :'''Joey''': That orichalcos card ''he'' gave you has evil magic in it, and it makes everyone who holds it go nuts! :'''Valon''': Are you done? If you are, then allow me to tell you the truth. That orichalcos card did more for Mai than you ever could. She was weak, and it made her strong! She was lost, and it showed her the way! :''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|Dartz joins Mai to part of Doma organization]], Dartz welcoming Mai.]'' :'''Dartz''': Welcome to our family, Miss Valentine. Now go, and remember the Orichcalos is always with you. :''[Mai went to see Valon outside]'' :'''Valon''': So, how's it feel? You've got what you always wanted. :'''Mai''': Look, I appreciate you taking me here... ''[holds up "The Seal of Orichalcos" card]'' But don't think this means I owe you anything. :'''Valon''': What? :'''Mai''': I do things my way. And I have no interest in being part of some team, Valon. I already made that mistake once and you know where it got me?Absolutely Nowhere. So, no, thanks. :'''Valon''': ''[chuckles]'' I know what you mean. You and I are exactly the same, Valentine. :'''Mai''': Hmm? :'''Valon''': We're both loners. But you have to admit... Sometimes it's not all that fun. :''[Then [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#The_Creator_Returns|After she tooked Pegasus' soul]], she has a long face]''. :'''Valon''': Why the long face, Mai? You just accomplished your first mission with flying colors. :'''Mai''': Yeah, I know, Valon. But defeating Maximilion Pegasus meant nothing to me. :'''Valon''': Huh? :'''Mai''': There's only one person out there I need to take apart, and that chump is Joey Wheeler. :''[flashback ends]'' :'''Valon''': Mai can’t stand the sight of you. And neither can I, mate. So I plan to take you down for her. Once you’re out of the picture, she can move on to bigger and much better things. Like teaming up with me and leaving behind her past once and for all! :'''Joey''': No way, Valon. Mai would never want to get rid of me after what we’ve been through. We’re friends! ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 1)#Keith's Machination|Joey and Mai inside the castle at Duelist Kingdom]]. flashback ends]'' Mai has nothing in common with you. So she may be a little rough around the edges and she can have an attitude every once in a while, but she’d never join up with a bunch of low-lives who have some crazy plan to take over the world. :'''Valon''': We’ll just see. :'''Joey''': Whatever you guys did to her… I’m gonna undo as soon if I’m gonna win this… so why do we moved on! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': I know Valon's around here somewhere and I have to stop this duel now. I better be too late 'cause I’m gonna make Wheeler pay for what he did to me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': Let's try this again. ''[typing the laptop]'' Come on... ''[groans]'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': Hey! Any luck in there, Rebecca? :'''Tea Gardner''': You've asked five times. She's working as fast as she can. :'''Duke Devlin''': Aren't ''you'' the one who told us to have faith? :'''Tristan Taylor''': Why don't ''you'' get off my back, Duke! Joey's in trouble, and it we don't move fast things could get even worse! :'''Tea Gardner''': Take it easy, Tristan. :'''Tristan Taylor''': I can't, Tea! Don't you guys see that this whole thing is my ''fault''!? :'''Yami Yugi''': No, Tristan. :'''Tristan Taylor''': When Joey and I got [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#On_the_Wrong_Track|separated from you guys]], ''he'' told me about his plan, and I should have talked to him out of it then. :''[Flashes back to Joey and Tristan carry Rex Raptor on the railway tracks to find Tea and the Pharaoh, but Joey long face.]'' :'''Joey Wheeler''': I just figured it all out. :'''Tristan Taylor''': Figured what out? What are you talking about, Joey? :'''Joey Wheeler''': Why [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|Mai teamed up with those low-lives]]. It's 'cause I was a terrible friend. I let her down. :'''Tristan Taylor''': That's crazy. :'''Joey Wheeler''': But it's true. If Dartz maybe the one that brainwashed her. But I'm the one that drove her away in the first place. Now I gotta go and set things straight by finding these guys and breaking that spell! :'''Tristan Taylor''': But how? ''[confused]'' Aw, man. :''[cuts back to the present]'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': What was I thinking?! How could I let him do this?! :'''Tea Gardner''': Joey's got a mind of his own, Tristan. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' ''Let's just hope he's using with his legendary dragon the Claw of Hermos.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': My move! ''[draws the card]'' Look out! Now we’re taking. Let’s see stand up to this guy! ''[holds up the "Claw of Hermos" card]'' :''[To Be Continued…]'': ====Part 3==== :'''Tristan''': I can't wait around anymore! ''[grunting]'' Joey needs our help and ''he'' needs it now! :'''Téa''': Tristan, you must chill. :'''Duke''': Téa's right, Tristan. Without Kaiba's tracking system we have no hope of finding him. :'''Tristan''': Am I the only one here who understands what's going on? Joey may be losing his soul as we speak. Let's go! :'''Téa''': I didn't think of it like that. Maybe we should go. :'''Yami Yugi''': Not yet. We have to have faith that Rebecca can find him. Until then I know Joey can take care of himself. He's been in tough situations before. :'''Téa''': Not this tough. :'''Rebecca''': Hey, I did it! I finally found Joey. If this read out's right, Joey's not far, guys. :'''Yami Yugi''': All right, I'll takes this and track him down. You move the trailer to a safer place. :'''Tea''': Not so fast Pharaoh. ''[Pharaoh stops and looks at Tea and Tristan]'' You're not going alone. :'''Tristan''': That's right. We're all this together. :'''Yami Yugi''': I guess You've made up your minds. ''[smile]'' Thank you. Now let's go. :'''Rebecca''': Ahem. :'''Yami Yugi''': Rebecca, You stay here. Duke, can you keep an eye on them until we get back. :'''Duke''': You got it. :'''Rebecca''': No, I want to go, too. Come on, Grandpa. :'''Arthur''': Uh-uh We've got our own work to do. We need your talents back here. :''[Rebecca sighs]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Rebecca, as soon as Joey safe, we'll find Yugi. :'''Rebecca''': Promise me he's all right. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi's going to be just fine. I promise. Please, trust me. :'''Duke''': Come on, man, you don't have a second to lose, so go kick some butt and take names. :'''Yami Yugi''': Well, that's one way to put it. :'''Tristan''': Let's chit-chat later, OK. :'''Rebecca''': Good luck with everything. :'''Yami Yugi''': You, too. :'''Arthur''': If you need us, just call. :'''Yami Yugi''': Right. :''[They ran off together to find Joey]'' :'''Arthur''': Don't worry, Rebecca. ''[Rebecca looks at her grandfather]'' Yugi will be back here safe and sound in no time at all. :'''Rebecca''': But how do you know? :'''Arthur''': Because I believe in the Pharaoh, and you should too. :'''Rebecca''': Fine. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': ''[thinking]'' You're mine, Wheeler. <hr width="50%"/> :''[When Mai showed up and found Valon in the duel with Joey]'' :'''Valon''': Hey, Mai! You're just in time to catch the end of the greatest duel ever played. :'''Mai''': ''[takes off her helmet]'' You and I had a deal, remember!? Joey Wheeler's mine! ''[Orichalcos blocks her]'' Ah! :'''Joey''': Mai, no! :'''Mai''': Look, you've done enough, so why don't you take a hike and let me finish this!? :'''Valon''': Sorry, no can do. :'''Mai''': Huh? :'''Valon''': I'm having way too much fun out here to stop now. Plus this duel is no place for you. :'''Mai''': Why's that? :'''Valon''': There's too much at stake. I won't let you risk losing everything you have. That's why I challenged Joey Wheeler in the first place to protect you. I wanted to get rid of him so you'd be able to move on with your life, and that's exactly what I'm gonna do. :'''Joey''': Guess what, Mai. I'm fighting for same reason. :'''Valon''': Then let's get on with it! Shall we? I can't wait to see what you play next. :'''Joey''': You're gonna have to wait, Valon, 'cause I play one card face down and end my turn. :'''Valon''': Big mistake, pal. ====Part 4==== :''[Joey and Valon were engaged in an armored standoff in the middle of the Oricalchos field]'' :'''Joey''': It's time to activate Big Bang Dragon Blow's special effect! ''[Joey tributes Red-Eyes Black Dragon to make Big Bang Dragon Blow supercharged]'' By sacrificing my Red-Eyes, I made my armored fist even more powerful! Now it's able to destroy all your monsters and subtract their strength from your Life Points! ''[Big Bang Dragon Blow builds up pressure against Valon and Joey sends Valon flying away from the center and destroying his Armor monsters]'' :'''Valon''': ''[skids to a halt]'' You did it. You won. ''[panting and making his Life Points drop to 0]'' Congratulations. Goodbye. :'''Mai''': ''[gasps]'' It's my fault. :'''Valon''': Don't be silly, Mai. I caused my own downfall. I thought if I won I could make you forget about Joey Wheeler. But now I understand why he meant so much to you. The guy's got heart. :'''Mai''': Valon, wait. :'''Valon''': Hey Joey, It's up to you now, Saved Mai. :'''Mai''': Valon! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Great Leviathan... I sense the arrival of powerful soul. Let's see who, shall we? ''[spots at Valon in stone]'' Well... look what the orichalcos dragged in. My former employee. Now it's Miss Valentine's turn to send me a soul... or to give up her own. ''[evily laughter]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mai hold Valon's lifeless body, her eyes full of tears]'' :'''Mai''': Valon. Come back... Valon. :'''Joey''': It's too late. The Orichalcos has him now. ''[Mai remembers to flashbacks to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Deck of Armor|what Valon said]] flashback ends]'' Hey, Mai... We'll get him back. :'''Mai''': How could he do this? Valon's the one who told me you have to duel for yourself. Then he turns around and fights you to protect me? How pathetic. Hmm. He deserved this. :'''Joey''': What? Look, Mai, Valon realized what ''he'' told ''you'' was wrong. ''He'' found out what dueling is really about determination and heart. :'''Mai''': Hmm. :'''Joey''': He fought like a true duelist today. :'''Mai''': I thought you wanted to destroy him. :'''Joey''': Hold on, Mai, Valon may have annoyed me... but no one deserves to have their soul taken away and then held captive by some power-hungry psychopath! I don't care who they are! :'''Mai''': Ha. :'''Joey''': You know what, Mai... ''I'' realize something now. As long as that Orichalcos thing has control over your mind, I'll never be able to talk any sense into you! As a matter of fact, the only way I can save you at this point is to duel ''you!'' So, what do you say!? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': I see. So you beat this loser and now it's gone to your head? :'''Joey''': It isn't like that, Mai. :'''Mai''': Why else would you be dumb enough to challenge me a duel? You should have learned your lesson from our last match. :'''Joey''': The only way I can get through to you… is by dueling you! :'''Mai''': If you say so. ''[activates her chaos duel disk]'' :'''Mai and Joey''': Let's duel! ''[their life points to 4000]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': Finally, you're giving me a ''real'' challenge… but you're gonna have to do better than that! 'Cause before my Aero Nail goes to the graveyard, it's transferring its power to my other Harpie! :'''Joey''': Fine! I place one card facedown! Give me your best shot! :'''Mai''': You're pretty confident for someone who's about to lose! Now, stand back! My move! I drew it. :'''Joey''': Oh, no! :'''Mai''': Yup! The Seal of Orichalcos! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': We're both locked in the Seal and only ''one'' of us will escape! No one can come to your rescue now. It's just you, me, and the most powerful magic card that's ever been created! :'''Joey''': I know. I was expecting this. ====Part 5==== :'''Téa''': We gotta find him! :'''Tristan''': Joey! Where are you, man?! :'''Téa''': Hey are you down there?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Joey! Answer us?! :'''Téa''': Hello?! :'''Tristan''': I could swear that Orichalcos thing activated right here. :'''Téa''': Me, too. So why isn't it here now? Unless we're too late! :'''Tristan''': Don't say that, Téa! :'''Yami Yugi''': Hang in there, Joey! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Congratulations. You win. :''[Collapses from exhaustion]'' :'''Mai''': Joey, no! You're wrong. I never attacked so you didn't lose the duel. :'''Joey''': But, I'm too exhausted... to finish. :'''Mai''': I won't let the Orichalcos take you away, Joey. :'''Joey''': It's too late for that. I already lost the duel, so there's no turnin' back. I'm just glad that if one of us had to lose our soul, it didn't have to be you, Mai. :'''Mai''': Don't say that. :'''Joey''': Hey, Mai, that was one of the greatest duels I ever fought. Thank you. :''[His spirit is taken by the Seal, leaving Mai horrified]'' :'''Mai''': Joey! NO! :''[The fragment of the Orchicalcos on her [[w: choker |choker]] shatters]'' :'''Dartz''': She's been set free! ''[spots at Joey Wheeler in stone]'' Ah! But what's this? It seems miss Valentine has served her purpose. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mai hold Joey's lifeless body, her eyes full of tears]'' :'''Mai''': Joey, wait! SNAP OUT OF IT! This is all my fault! I was angry and confused, and I blamed all my loneliness on you! So I tried to get rid of you. How could I be so selfish? You're the only one who ever cared about me. ''[sobbing]'' You're the closest friend I ever had, and how did I repay you? By leaving you for a madman who promised me power. ''[grabs the Claw of Hermos card]'' I'll make him regret the day he ever met Mai Valentine! ''[she hops the motorcycle droves off back to Paradius leaving Joey behind next to Valon.]'' ''The only way to fix this is to meet Dartz face to face.'' :''[Mai arriving back to Paradius headquarters and looks up]'' :'''Mai''': Here goes nothing. :''[?]'' :'''Mai''': Hey Dartz! Is that you? :'''Rafael''': Guess again, Mai. :'''Mai''': Rafael! What do you want!? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Pharaoh, Tristan and Tea arrives and they found a soulless Joey.]'' :'''Tristan''': ''[shocked]'' No way! :'''Tea''': What happened? :'''Yami Yugi''': He lost the duel. :'''Tea''': Wait, Does that mean? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes his soul belongs to Dartz now. ===''Grappling with a Guardian'' [4.30-32]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Téa''': Joey, please say something? :'''Yami Yugi''': I don't think he can hear us. :'''Téa''': Then it's true. The Orichalcos took his soul. :'''Tristan''': When I get my hands on the person who did this to Joey, they're gonna wish they were never born! Wake up, man. :'''Téa''': Who did do this? ''[she looks at the soulless Valon]'' 'Cause by the looks of Valon, I have to say it wasn't him. So Tristan what's going on here? :'''Tristan''': Don't you see Tea? Joey must have defeated Valon and then Mai showed up. ''She'' did this to him. I'm sure of it! :'''Téa''': How could she? :'''Tristan''': Easily. She couldn't wait to get rid of Joey. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's true, Tristan, However, There's only one person we can really blame for all of this, and I think you know who I mean. He hides safely in his fortress while others do his dirty work. Well, not anymore. ''[rans off]'' :'''Téa''': Pharaoh, Wait! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' This all ends now, Dartz. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': ''[voice-over, evilly laughing]'' We've been expecting you, Pharaoh. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Pharaoh looks at soulless Mai in the elevator]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[gasps]'' Mai? Mai, say something. She must have been in a duel, and it appears she lost both the duel and her soul belongs to Dartz now. I must put an end to this. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': Well, It's about time you showed up for our rematch. :'''Yami Yugi''': This doesn't concern you, Rafael. I'm here to see Dartz. Is your master so much of a coward that he sent you to do his battles for him? :'''Rafael''': Not quite. You owe me something. But first. ''[holds a card and he catches the card to the Pharaoh]'' Why don't you take this? :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[spots the Claw of Hermos card]'' It's the Claw of Hermos. Joey's card. So you're the one who defeated Joey, aren't you? :'''Rafael''': Actually, Mai beat Joey, then ''I'' defeated her. :'''Yami Yugi''': But why? Wasn't Mai on ''your'' side? :'''Rafael''': I never trusted her, and turns out I was right all along. ''[Flashback to his and Mai's duel inside Paradius; voice-over]'' After she took [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fighting for a Friend|Joey's soul]], ''she'' turned on us. :'''Mai''': I've had it with your ridiculous world domination mumbo jumbo and I want out! It's time for Dartz to answer for what ''he'' made ''me'' do to Joey. Let's see how ''he'' likes it when the orichalcos captures ''him!'' :'''Rafael''': You sure you don't wanna take that back? Dartz isn't exactly known for his sense of humor. :'''Mai''': So? :'''Rafael''': Then you leave me no ''choice.'' It's my duty to protect him, so goodbye to ''your'' soul. ''[activates his chaos duel disk and Mai activates her chaos duel disk, voice-over]'' Biggest mistake ''she'' ever made. :''[Rafael defeats Mai and she screaming as the orichalcos claims her soul away.]'' :'''Mai''': Joey! I'm sorry, I tried my best. ''[collapses and drops the Claw of Hermos card.]'' :'''Rafael''': ''[voice-over]'' Unfortunately, her best wasn't good enough. :''[the flashback ends]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': This madness has to stop. Just think of how many innocent lives have been destroyed. You may be next. :'''Rafael''': Do you think I really care? I made a commitment to help Master Dartz save the planet from crumbling at the hands of people like you, and if keeping my promise means giving up my own soul, well, then so be it, 'cause even if I'm captured, I'll be doing my part by giving the Great Leviathan the strength it needs to restore peace to the world once again. :'''Yami Yugi''': Wake up, Rafael! Can't you see that your so-called Master Dartz is just using you to satisfy his own selfish needs? If you really what to save the world, then stop fighting me and join ''my'' side. :'''Rafael''': As soon as the great beast is revived, I'm afraid your side will no longer exist, Pharaoh, and all it needs to get started is one more strong soul. :'''Yami Yugi''': Oh no. It's true. :'''Rafael''': You better believe it. as we speak, the Great Leviathan lurks in the shadows all over the earth. And as soon as I defeat you, your life energy will be offered to the beast, giving it the strength it needs to fully cross over into our world. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Tristan and Tea running the streets Tristan carried Joey]'' :'''Tristan''': Why did the Pharaoh take off liked that? :'''Téa''': He must've gone after Dartz for what happened to Yugi. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': As we speak, the most devastating creature that ever lived is waiting to rise again. All it needs now is your soul, and the Sacred Seal of Orichalcos will take care of that once I take you down. Of course, ''I'' already defeated you once, but somehow ''you'' were able to cheat me by switching places with ''someone'' else. ''[Flashes back to [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Fate_of_the_Pharaoh|their last duel as the Seal took Yugi]].]'' Don't even think about trying to pull a stunt like that gain, Pharaoh. I don't appreciate being lied to, and besides, there's no one for you to hide behind this time, 'cause now it's just you and me. The winner leaves a free man. The loser becomes a prisoner to the beast! :'''Yami Yugi''': You're on! If that's what it takes to set my friends free, then let's duel! And once you're out of my way, I can go straight for Dartz! It's just a shame that a duelist with your talents has to throw it all away by following a madman. :'''Rafael''': Look, Master Dartz opened me up the truth and made me who I am today. You're just jealous because you don't have one of these, right? ''[holds up the Seal of Orichalcos card]'' Well, not anymore, anyway. :'''Yami Yugi''': You can't tempt ''me'' with that again, Rafael. :'''Rafael''': I wasn't planning on it, but you can have one last look at it while you shuffle my deck… for old time's sake. :'''Yami Yugi''': I know what you're trying to do, and it won't work. I won't give in to my dark side! :'''Rafael''': We'll see about that. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' I must stay true to my heart, no matter what he tries to do. :''[The two shuffle their decks]'' :'''Rafael''': May the best man win...and when I do, you'll be gone forever. I'm gonna enjoy this. :'''Pharaoh and Rafael''': Time to Duel! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' I'm surprised he didn't play the Seal of Orichalcos right away. Perhaps he's toying with me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': Now I play Butterfly Dagger. This weapon gives my Backup Gardna 300 extra attack points. It also allows me to summon my Guardian Elma. :'''Yami Yugi''': I've never seen that Guardian monster. :'''Rafael''': There are plenty of monsters in my deck you've never seen, and this one lets me bring my Guardian Shield back from the graveyard. And I'll give it to Guardian Elma. Plus, my Backup Gardna's special ability transfers my Butterfly Dagger to Guardian Elma. Now, Guardian Elma… attack his Queen's Knight! Guardian Grarl, it's your turn now! Attack his King's Knight with Gravity Axe! What now, Pharaoh? What puny knight stands between me and your Life Points? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' He gave up his own strength to save his monster! ''[speaking]'' I'll place two cards face down and end my turn. ''[thinking]'' I've never come across a duelist like him before. He refuses to let any of his monsters go to the card graveyard. He protects them at all costs! Why would a duelist like this hold a card like the Seal of Orichalcos? ''[speaking]'' Rafael, don't you understand what's going on here? As long as you're loyal to Dartz, you'll never be true to yourself. You have too much respect for your cards to use them for such an evil purpose. But Dartz has brainwashed you into believing you're someone else! :'''Rafael''': The only thing Master Dartz did was open my eyes to the truth. :'''Yami Yugi''': You're ''wrong!'' :'''Rafael''': This world is an evil place, and ''you're'' part of the problem. So I'm here to fix that. And thanks to my master, I have just the tool to do it. Now, I play the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Yami Yugi''': NO, RAFAEL! PLEASE, DON'T! :'''Rafael''': Sorry, Pharaoh, it's too late for that now. Your fate is sealed! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Téa''': Hey look guys. It's Mai. :'''Mokuba''': ''[looks at soulless Mai]'' Oh, man. Don't tell me you guys she lost her soul too. :'''Tristan''': I don't mean to sound insensitive, but who's carrying her? :'''Yami Yugi''': You're making a mistake! RAFAEL! NO! ====Part 2==== :'''Rafael''': This time the Seal belongs to me! :'''Yami Yugi''': What were you thinking, Rafael? Now one of us is going to lose his soul. :'''Rafael''': That's the whole point, Pharaoh. The Great Leviathan needs power, and once I take you down and capture your soul, that legendary creature will have the strength it needs to awaken. :'''Yami Yugi''': We'll see. :'''Tristan''': That's the same guy who beat Yugi last time! :'''Seto Kaiba''': ''[shocked]'' What?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': It's time to bring out my ultimate monster, but first I'll play this card, Celestial Sword - Eatos! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' The Sword of Eatos? This can only mean one thing: he's about to summon Guardian Eatos! :'''Rafael''': Now I'll draw two cards. The time has come to play the card that beat you last time. It's my Guardian Eatos! :'''Yami Yugi''': I have to act quickly! With 500 Life Points left, I don't have much time! ''[Guardian Eatos soon becomes infected by the darkness of the Orichalcos]'' Look what you've done to your Guardian! It's been consumed by darkness! :'''Rafael''': Exactly, and it's more powerful than ever now. Nothing can stop it. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Guardian Eatos tries to destroy Yugi's Dark Magician with her Celestial Sword and it breaks, cutting her attack points back to 3000]'' :'''Rafael''': ''[shocked]'' Say what?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Allow me to clear things up for you. A few moments ago, I sent three monsters to my graveyard, one of which saved me. That card was this, my Electromagnetic Turtle! When this monster was destroyed, it created an electromagnetic barrier, shielding my magician from your attack. :'''Rafael''': No way. He had that planned all along! :'''Tristan''': In your face, meathead! :'''Rafael''': ''[thinking]'' The Pharaoh's gonna pay for mocking the power of my Guardian Eatos. ''[speaking]'' I END MY TURN! :'''Yami Yugi''': Perhaps you should've thought twice before you poisoned your own monsters with the dark powers of the Orichalcos. Take it from someone with experience. Betraying your monsters only backfires in the end. :'''Rafael''': You played the Seal of Orichalcos once and all of a sudden you're an expert of the subject? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': You can't win a duel with defense, Pharaoh. All you're doing is stalling for time. Well, I'm afraid your time's just run out. Eatos, destroy his most valuable monster, the Dark Magician! :'''Tristan''': Oh, no! :'''Téa''': Pharaoh! :'''Mokuba''': Do something! :'''Yami Yugi''': Magical Hats, activate! Hide my monsters! :'''Rafael''': What's going on?! :'''Tristan''': Awesome! Magical Hats shuffled Yugi's monsters so Blondie blasted the wrong one. :'''Mokuba''': That's true, but he gets to attack again, so Yugi's magician's still in danger! :'''Yami Yugi''': All right, one of these three remaining hats is concealing my monster, so go ahead! Hit me with your best shot! :'''Rafael''': ''[thinking]'' Three hats and one monster. I know what I have to do. I'll use Elma to improve my odds, then I'll send Grarl to finish things off. ''[speaking]'' Go, Elma! Find his Dark Magician! ''[Guardian Elma strikes her butterfly dagger at the second hat]'' Now I have a 50-50 shot. Guardian Grarl, attack! :''[Guardian Grarl punches the third hat with his fist, Dark Magician appears from the last hat]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Wrong hat! :'''Rafael''': Oh, no! :'''Yami Yugi''': What a shame. Looks like you used up all of your chances. :'''Rafael''': ''[thinking]'' How could I have messed that up?! I was about to win the duel and capture the Pharaoh! ''[speaking]'' My turn's not over yet! I activate my Rod of Silence! This lets me play another Guardian monster, my all-powerful Guardian Kay'est! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After the Pharaoh destroys Guardian Eatos with his Amulet Dragon, Guardian Dreadscythe appears on the field]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[horrified shock]'' What's that?! :'''Téa''': ''[terrified]'' I've got one word: nasty! :'''Tristan''': Here's four: I'm gonna be sick. :'''Yami Yugi''': For the last time, what is that thing?! :'''Rafael''': I told you-- when Eatos goes to the graveyard, '''''this''''' monster is summoned to the field in its place. So say hello to my Guardian Dreadsycthe! :'''Yami Yugi''': Hello and goodbye. It's no match for my dragon! :'''Rafael''': It will be. First, I'll boost its strength with my Reaper Scythe magic card. Now, for the best part, thanks to its new weapon, my Guardian of darkness gains 500 attack points for every monster in my graveyard. :'''Yami Yugi''': But why? I thought you despised having monsters in your graveyard! :'''Rafael''': But I despise ''you'' even more, so what's a few monsters in the grave if it means destroying you forever? And with only 500 Life Points left, you won't last long. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': I know first-hand what the Oricalchos does to a person's heart and I can help you. Think, when Earls was destroyed, you released your anger on your other monsters. You left the Oricalchos feed on your rage like I did. :'''Rafael''': So? What's your point? :'''Yami Yugi''': That this isn't who you really are. The darkness within you has taken control, and now you must face that darkness head on. It's the only way for you to save yourself. :'''Rafael''': ''You'' need to be saved. :'''Yami Yugi''': If you don't believe my words, then maybe this will convince you! :'''Rafael''': What are you holding? :'''Yami Yugi''': A card that forces you to take a closer look at yourself-- Underworld Circle! :'''Rafael''': What on earth does that do? :'''Yami Yugi''': BEHOLD! It's time to take some responsibility for what you've done, Rafael! Underworld Circle, activate! ====Part 3==== :'''Yami Yugi''': First, I'll use the magic of Underworld Circle to bring my Big Shield Gardna back from the graveyard! Then, I'll activate my Pot of Greed! This let me draw two cards. ''[thinking]'' Excellent. That's just the card I've been waiting for! ''[speaking]'' Time to face what you did… when you betrayed your heart! For now, I activate the magic card, Spider Web, which let me use a card from your graveyard! :'''Rafael''': What's the point of all this? :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm using my Spider Web to bring back your Monster Reborn card. And I'm planning on using it to save you by setting you free from the darkness! :'''Rafael''': Yeah, whatever. :'''Yami Yugi''': I use Monster Reborn to revive a creature that once saved your life and that you in turn, deserted! ''[resurects Guardian Eatos]'' :'''Rafael''': Eatos?! :'''Téa''': What's he gonna do with that card? :'''Mokuba''': Hopefully win. :'''Yami Yugi''': One more thing. ''[thinking]'' Joey… I can only accomplish this with your help. ''[speaking]'' I summon The Claw of Hermos! :'''Tristan''': Hey, Joey! Check it out, man! He just summoned your boy! :'''Yami Yugi''': And now, Hermos and Queen's Knight, combine together to form Goddess Bow! That doubles the attack points of Guardian Eatos! And since Eatos has been removed from your graveyard, your Dreadscythe gets weaker! :'''Rafael''': What are you up to? Our monsters are even now. So if you attack, they're both destroyed. But mine comes back! :'''Yami Yugi''': We'll see about that! I have a few more surprises planned! Eatos attack his Dreadscythe, NOW! I activate the special ability of my Goddess Bow! Now every time your Dreadscythe revives itself, Eatos can attack again! :'''Rafael''': No! :'''Yami Yugi''': And don't forget, with each attack, you lose another card! :'''Mokuba''': Of course! If Rafael runs out of cards, his monster can't come back! :'''Yami Yugi''': The dark flame of your Dreadscythe is now extinguished. ===''A Duel with Dartz'' [4.33-38]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Rafael''': Go! Hurry! Stop him! Stop Dartz! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Yes come home my children. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': Dude, what's with all these people chiseled in stone? :'''Téa''': They're just any people! Take a look! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[spots at Yugi, Joey, Mai, Pegasus, Weevil, Rex, Alister, Valon and all many people in stone]'' Oh, no! There's Mai and Weevil! :'''Tristan''': This must be everyone who lost their soul! :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi! :'''Dartz''': ''[voice-over]'' What a touching reunion. Too bad your friends turned out to be a bunch of stiffs. ''[laughing evilly and reveals himself from fire]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Dartz! :'''Dartz''': You were expecting someone else? Well, due to the carelessness of my employees, ''I'm'' the only one left. You can't find good help these days. :'''Kaiba''': Look, I want my company back, so can the small talk! :'''Dartz''': Is that so? Well, guess what? We all want something. As for me, I want your souls for my wall. I even have the spot picked out. :'''Kaiba''': Save it, Dartz! It'll take a lot more than a few party tricks to scare me! :'''Yami Yugi''': Now, for the last time, release our friends! :'''Dartz''': That's not possible. :'''Yami Yugi''': What do you mean? :'''Dartz''': I mean they've already been put to use. As we speak, their life energy supplies to the most devastating creature that ever lived. :'''Téa''': Oh, great. Now, what? :'''Dartz''': My 10,000 year old collection is almost complete. Once I get you two, the beast can rise. :'''Yami Yugi''': Hold on! You've been collecting souls for all those years?! Do you know how many lives you've destroyed?! :'''Dartz''': ''[snickers evilly]'' Millions! And each one of them deserved their fate! Take a moment to look around, won't you? Some of my favorite conquests are in this very room. And since it's taken me millennia to complete, it's quite the history lesson. :'''Tea''': He's right. Look at the outfits on these guys. :'''Mokuba''': So some of these people lived in the past? :'''Dartz''': Now you're catching on. Ever since the Great Leviathan was laid to rest, I've been gathering the energy necessary to fuel its rebirth. :'''Kaiba''': Come on, you expect us to believe that junk? :'''Dartz''': Ye of little faith. Just duel me and I promise I'll make a believer out of you, For when you lose, there will be no denying my power. :'''Kaiba''': Then let's stop talking and start dueling. :'''Yami Yugi''': You can't, Kaiba-- not alone. This lunatic is far too dangerous. :'''Dartz''': So why don't you join him? And when I defeat you, ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' I'll get two souls for the price of one! :'''Yami Yugi''': All right. Ready, Kaiba? :'''Kaiba''': I'm way ahead of you. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Meanwhile… Rafael puts a soulless Valon on the back of the jeep along a soulless Mai on front seat]'' :'''Rafael''': Don't worry, I'll save you both. Mark my words, Dartz is gonna pay. <hr width="50%"/> :''[After the Pharaoh and Kaiba summon Blue-Eyes White Dragon and Black Luster Soldier, both monsters with 3000 attack points]'' :'''Mokuba''': All right! Dartz better watch out! They just summoned two major league monsters on their first turn! :'''Dartz''': Those pathetic creatures may work in your little card tournaments, but I'm afraid ''I'' play a completely different game-- a game in which the winner takes ALL, and the loser pays the ultimate price! This card was born from the darkness itself! ''[echoes]'' Behold, a power that has existed since the dawn of time. The very power that shall strip you of your souls! ''[plays the Seal of Orichalcos]'' :'''Kaiba''': Oh, no! :'''Yami Yugi''': The Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Mokuba''': Whoa. Do you feel that? :'''Tristan''': If you mean the sudden drop in temperature and that freaky evil vibe in the air, then yes, I do. :'''Téa''': ''[worried]'' Me too. :'''Dartz''': Now that I've set the tone for this duel, allow me to continue. Watch this… Arise, Orichalcos Gigas! :'''Yami Yugi''': I faced this beast before, and it was almost impossible to destroy, Kaiba. :'''Kaiba''': That's 'cause last time you didn't have me to bail you out. :'''Dartz''': Next, I'll sacrifice 500 of my Life Points. That let's me summon my Orichalcos Kyutora. And, thanks to the Seal, it gets an additional 500 points. All right. I guess that'll do for now. ====Part 2==== :''[Dartz, Yami Yugi, and Kaiba hovering above the city of Atlantis]'' :'''Dartz''': Behold, the lost city of Atlantis and all its glory. Just as it was 10,000 years ago, a perfect civilization or so I thought. Surrounded by oceans as far as the eye could see, we were isolated from the rest of the world. :''[A scene depicts the once glorious city of Atlantis and all of Earth's creatures]'' :'''Dartz''': Our lives were simple, we existed side by side with all of Earth's creatures and we knew nothing of violence. But, then that changed. :''[a meteor shower rains upon Atlantis]'' :'''Dartz''': Darkness ascended upon us and a strange substance rained down from the heavens. A substance that will change our lives. :'''Yami Yugi''': The Orichalcos. :'''Kaiba''': Please tell me that story time is over, I'd like to duel. :'''Dartz''': The tale of my past directly affects the fate of your future. So if I were you, I pay close attention. :''[it seems the city of Atlantis had changed]'' :'''Dartz''': Now thanks to the stones of the Orichalcos, the people of Atlantis needed advancement in technology that were never before imagine. And soon, I ruled over the most highly developed civilization the world had ever known. However, with progress comes greed and eventually violence, I knew what had to be done. But, my father, former king Ironheart had different ideas. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[shocked]'' Ironheart was your father?! But how? :'''Kaiba''': If you ask questions, this ridiculous story is never going to end. :'''Dartz''': That old fool never had what took to be king and on my 21st birthday, he allowed me to take over and filled his unimpressive shoes. So as technology continued to advance and the hearts of my people continued to seek deeper into the darkness. It was up to me to remedy the situation, the citizens of Atlantis were growing more and more selfish. And if I didn't act soon, I would lose complete control, but even I couldn't have imagine what would happen next. :''[The Orichalcos began to show the true nature of the Atlanteans]'' :'''Dartz''': The Orichalcos began to test us, it revealed the truth about who we were. :''[The people of Atlantis are beginning to turn into monsters]'' :'''Dartz''': Those who were wicked on the inside became wicked on the outside. :''[Meanwhile, Iona is struggling]'' :'''Dartz''': Iona, are you all right? :'''Dartz''': Wait, come back! What's going on?! :''[Dartz soon finds out that his beloved wife also turned into a monster]'' :'''Dartz''': Iona! :'''Dartz''': I didn't realize it first, but the true colors of my people were revealed to me that day. :'''Dartz''': But why? Why is this happening? :''[a bright green light appears in the water fountain]'' :'''Dartz''': I couldn't understand how a society as perfect as ours could crumble like this. :''[He picks up an Orichalcos stone]'' :'''Dartz''': But soon the Orichalcos would answer all my questions. The people of Atlantis were evil and I have been chosen to wipe them out and start over again. But I couldn't accomplish such a task on my own, I was but one man so the Orichalcos gave me a gift, something powerful enough to lead my fight against mankind. For deep below the Earth's surface lives the most incredible creature ever lived, the Great Leviathan! And it was mine, and shortly that this great beast will return to finish what it began! :'''Dartz''': I was ready to begin my task of recreating civilization on Earth, but one person stood in my way. :''[A scene where Ironheart, Chris, and Skye are in the throne room]'' :'''Ironheart''': My son, you know what you have to do. Destroy those Orichalcos stones so we can return the light we once knew. :''[Dartz sitting on his throne with a gold eye]'' :'''Dartz''': ''[laughs]'' Do you honestly believe that we can go back to the way things were. It's too late for that, Father. :'''Ironheart''': But, Dartz... :'''Dartz''': The true nature of our people have been exposed. We now know that the citizens of this planet are evil and must be destroy! :'''Ironheart''': What?! :'''Dartz''': You heard me, old man! We should be thanking the Orichalcos for showing us the truth. Not blaming it for the faults of mankind, but this mysterious substance that rained down above us had open up my eyes. Not only has it showed me what's wrong, it's given me the tools to fix it. For now I have the power to awaken a mighty creature known as the Great Leviathan! And by the power of the Orichalcos, this beast will rise up from the depths of the earth and fight by my side! And when I'm through, I shall rebuild civilization! :''[The stones have summoned an army of Orichalcos soldiers]'' :'''Ironheart''': Dartz! What's going on?! :''[Dartz laughs evilly]'' :'''Dartz''': Meet my Orichalcos soldiers! :'''Chris''': ''[scared]'' Grandpa, I'm scared! :'''Dartz''': If you join my side, you have nothing to fear. If not, farewell. :'''Ironheart''': We'll never join you! Never! Let's go, Chris! :''[They escape from the throne room]'' :'''Dartz''': Have it your way. :''[Dartz appears on his balcony and addresses his army]'' :'''Dartz''': The time has come to cleanse the world of its impurities! So arise my children and conquer the people of Earth! And this planet shall be yours! :''[Meanwhile Ironheart, Chris, and Skye are walking from their city and they enter a cave]'' :'''Chris''': What are we going to do, Grandpa? :'''Ironheart''': Your father is under the control of an evil force and he must be stopped. The future of our planet depends on it. Through there, hurry! :''[Chris and Skye suddenly runs through an carving of monsters on the walls]'' :'''Chris''': What's there? Why are those monsters carved in stone? :'''Ironheart''': We've come here to ask for their help. :''[The scene depicts the battle of Atlantis between Dartz's Orichalcos army and Ironheart's army of monsters]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': And so the Battle of Atlantis began! You see my father had opened up a gateway to the Dominion of the Beasts and he used the monsters within to form an army of his own. :'''Yami Yugi''': Tell me, what was the battle's outcome? :'''Dartz''': Neither side were victorious and Atlantis sunk to the bottom of the sea. My father's monster army were scattered around the world and sealed away until they be needed again. The Leviathan was drained of its power and also sealed away. It's taken me 10,000 years to gather the energy necessary to bring it back. All that's left of me to do is to defeat you two in this duel. Then your souls will awaken the Great Leviathan and my plan will finally come to pass. :'''Kaiba''': Hold on! We already defeated you! Our Master of Dragon Soldier should've wipe out the rest of your life points. :'''Dartz''': Perhaps it should have, but I'm afraid it didn't. Your pathetic attack failed short of its target. So this duel is still on. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Orichalcos Gigas, return! :'''Yami Yugi''': I told you, Kaiba. Each time his Gigas is destroyed, it comes back even stronger! :'''Dartz''': Face it, you'll never defeat me! The power of the Orichalcos will swallow you both! Now back to the duel. Since my Gigas returned to me, I can't draw a card. But no matter, everything I need is in my hand. So I'll enhance the power of the Seal with this-- the magic of Orichalcos Deuteros! ''[laughs evilly]'' :'''Kaiba''': What's going on?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Somehow he's made the Seal of Orichalcos stronger! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Dartz activates the Orichalcos Deuteros spell card, adding another layer to the Seal of Orichalcos]'' :'''Dartz''': Gentlemen, welcome to the second level of darkness! :'''Kaiba''': The what?! :'''Yami Yugi''': I don't know how. But Dartz just added another layer to the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Tea''': Right! So what does that mean? :'''Dartz''': The first benefit of my Orichalcos Deuteros, is the addition of 500 Life Points each turn for every monster I have on the field. Therefore, since I have two, that's 1,000 points! :'''Kaiba''': What?! How are we supposed to wipe him out?! :'''Dartz''': You're not. It makes me invincible! Next, I'll attack your Master of Dragon Soldier! Go, my Orichalcos Gigas! :'''Yami Yugi''': Nice try! But my dragon's too strong! :'''Dartz''': Kyutora, absorb ''all'' the damage! ''[chuckles]'' My Life Points are safe. And now, my Gigas returns! :'''Tristan''': That creep! He's letting his Orichalcos Gigas get its butt kicked on purpose, so it can come back stronger! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' That can't be it. His monster would have to be destroyed seven more times before it could defeat my dragon. So there must be more to his plan. Perhaps the secret lies in his Kyutora, and its ability to absorb attack damage. Yes! That creature must have another special ability! :'''Kaiba''': All right, Dartz, my move! ''[thinking]'' As long as that eyesore is on the field, it's pointless to attack his Orichalcos Gigas because Dartz won't lose any Life Points. Plus, Gigas will just come back stronger. But if I attack Dartz directly, I should be able to win the duel! ''[speaking]'' I place one card facedown on the field! And next… I summon my Blade Knight! And since I have only one card left in my hand, Blade Knight gets another 400 attack points! I think that'll do for now. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' He's setting himself up for something. :'''Kaiba''': ''[thinking]'' Yugi better not screw this up for me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kaiba''': Oh, no! That attack was supposed to hit Dartz, not his monster! :'''Yami Yugi''': It's a force field! But how did he create it? :'''Dartz''': By using the second layer of the Seal, of course. Whenever my Life Points are targeted, my Orichalcos Deuteros steps in to defend me. It's simple. ''I'' make a sacrifice so that your monster takes the hit! You know what that means, right? Your dragon just attacked itself! ====Part 3==== :'''Dartz''': So tell me, Gentlemen, what do you think of my newest soldiers? I'm sure there's no need for any introductions. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's not funny, Dartz. :'''Dartz''': Maybe not to you. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's enough. :'''Kaiba''': Just drop the magic act and let's duel. :'''Dartz''': But we are dueling, you insensible twit. We're just doing it by my rules, that's all. Since I now control the souls of your former friends, I thought it would be fun to let them play along with us. :'''Téa''': Leave them alone! :'''Tristan''': What did they do to you?! :'''Dartz''': You should be thanking me. :'''Yami Yugi''': And why's that? :'''Dartz''': I'm giving you one last chance to see your companions. Before their souls are gone forever. :'''Yami Yugi''': You'll never take them away from us, Dartz! :'''Dartz''': That's right, Pharaoh. Let your anger consume you. Feel the darkness within you beginning to spread. The stronger your rage, the more powerful the Great Leviathan will be when it absorbs your soul. Now where we? Ah, yes. Mirror Knight Yugi. It's time to attack your other half. :'''Yami Yugi''': No, Yugi! Fight it! I know you can hear me! :''[Yugi struggles to fight against Dartz's command]'' :'''Dartz''': What's this? My soldier is still loyal to you? How touching. [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Self_Destruction|Even though you turned your back on him, he refuses to seek revenge]]. That will soon change. :'''Yami Yugi''': We'll see. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Kaiba! :'''Kaiba''': Just save it! That second-rate chump has held me back for the last time! Different Dimension Dragon Attack! :'''Yami Yugi''': No! Don't do this! :'''Kaiba''': Too late! :''[Knight Yugi's shield disintegrates]'' :'''Kaiba''': No way! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': You don't look happy to see me, and after all we've been through. Where's the love? Don't answer that. I've heard enough lies from ''you''. The Pharaoh opened me up to the truth. :'''Dartz''': Really? :'''Rafael''': Yeah, really. Thanks to him, [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Grappling_with_a_Guardian|I was able to escape the seal of orichalcos with my soul still intact]] unlike them and everyone else you used. Now set them free before you end up on that wall. :'''Dartz''': Your soul may have been spared, but it sounds like the orichalcos took what was left of your brain. :'''Rafael''': What's that supposed to mean? :'''Dartz''': It means you're more gullible than ever. Do you honestly think the darkness that once controlled you is gone? :'''Rafael''': Yes. The Pharaoh set me free. :'''Dartz''': Did he... Hmm. Or did he just trick you the way you think I did? :'''Rafael''': Stop it! You're messing with my head. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Rafael, You mustn't listen to him. :'''Rafael''': Everything is your fault. ''You'' took ''me'' from my family. :'''Dartz''': I needed your anger, your thirst for revenge. :'''Rafael''': ''[enraged]'' '''YOU RUINED MY LIFE, YOU MONSTER!''' ====Part 4==== :'''Dartz''': It's time to reinforce the sacred Seal with its most powerful layer thus far! Behold the ancient magic of my Orichalcos Tritos! ''[adds a third layer to the Seal of Orichalcos]'' Welcome to level 3, gentlemen. :'''Yami Yugi''': How can the Seal possibly get any stronger?! :'''Dartz''': We're dealing with a force greater than the darkest shadows and older than time itself. Does that answer your question? :'''Mokuba''': Whoa! :'''Téa''': His Life Points are out of control! :'''Dartz''': Orichalcos Malevolence, use your special ability to switch Kaiba's dragon into attack mode! So I'm afraid this is goodbye. With an attack strength of only 1400, your dragon is far too weak to defend your Life Points. :'''Kaiba''': So that means… :'''Yami Yugi''': You lose! :'''Dartz''': Now my beast, bring Kaiba's soul to me! :'''Kaiba''': Wrong! I activate my Shrink card! :'''Dartz''': ''[chuckles and the third layer of the Seal destroys Kaiba's magic card]'' Is it beginning to sink in yet? When used properly, the Seal of Orichalcos is unmatched by any other card in the game! And due to its third layer, your magic and trap cards are useless against me! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Kyutora has ''another'' ability! Whenever it's destroyed, it '''''evolves!''''' :''[Orichalcos Kyutora is destroyed and Orichalcos Shunoros appears]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Oh, no! What's going on?! :'''Kaiba''': What is that?! :'''Dartz''': My little friend is all grown up, so playtime's over! Gentlemen, I'd like you meet Orichalcos Shunoros! :'''Kaiba''': Did you see what I see?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Unfortunately. :'''Téa''': See what? :'''Tristan''': That thing's got 20,000 points! :'''Dartz''': Don't look so surprised. ''You're'' the ones who created this unstoppable beast! You may have destroyed my previous monsters, but you unleashed something far worse! :'''Yami Yugi''': It can wipe us out in one strike! :'''Dartz''': You're absolutely right, but before I do that, I have some more bad news to share. Orichalcos Shunoros, activate your special ability! Release Orichalcos Dexia… and Orichalcos Aristeros! :'''Yami Yugi''': What's the meaning of this?! :'''Dartz''': Allow me to clear things up. Shunoros just released two more creatures. The first one is known as Dexia, and its attack strength is always 300 points higher than the monster it's battling, making it the perfect sword! And the second one is just as strong. It will intercept every one of your attacks and retaliate with a blast that's 300 points greater than the one you fired, making Orichalcos Aristeros the perfect shield! You'll never get past my triple threat! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' Not only is his monster more powerful than Kaiba's dragon… but with Dexia and Aristeros on the front line, our attacks won't even get through! :'''Dartz''': I activate the trap card, Martyr Curse! This forces one of your monsters to engage in a battle with one of my monsters. And as a nasty little side effect, it cancels out any special abilities your creature may have. And since I don't seem to have much of a choice, I'll target your Mirror Force Dragon! Without its reflecting power, your dragon's completely defenseless, which means you're about to be out one soul! Orichalcos Shunoros, remove Kaiba's Life Points so the Orichalcos can remove his spirit! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Kaiba's Wish of Final Effort trap card increases Yugi's Life Points and loses his soul when his Life Points dropped down to zero…]'' :'''Dartz''': Pharaoh, it looks like you're the soul survivor. :'''Yami Yugi''': You disgust me. :'''Dartz''': I'll tell you what. Since I already have what I need... You can keep the rest of him! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Don't worry, Pharaoh. Your friends are fine. I don't need weak souls. I just wanted to spend some quality time with you, one-on-one. Is that so wrong? :'''Yami Yugi''': That's enough! :'''Dartz''': But there's something I think you'll want to know. You and I met 5,000 years ago when you were king of Egypt. We may not have been officially introduced, but I was there watching you. :'''Yami Yugi''': Go on. :'''Dartz''': When the battle of Atlantis ended, I thought the Great Leviathan was gone forever. That is, until I met you. :'''Yami Yugi''': Hold on! What does that evil creature of yours have to do with me?! :'''Dartz''': I thought you'd never ask. Behold the Palace of the Pharaoh in year 3000 B.C.! Ring any bells? Hmm? ====Part 5==== :'''Joey''': Huh? I've had some weird dreams, but this one takes the cake. Wait, hold on. I remember being trapped in a duel, but... how did I end up floating around in here? :'''Yugi Muto''': ''[offscreen]'' Joey? Is that you? :'''Joey''': Yugi! Long time no see! :'''Yugi''': I'm glad you're all right! :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': Please, bubble boy, you call this "all right"? :'''Yugi and Joey''': Pegasus! :'''Pegasus''': If we don't escape soon, we never will! :'''Joey''': Hmm? Where exactly are we, anyway, Huh? ''[spots at Valon, Mai Valentine, Weevil Underwood, Rex Raptor, Alister, Rafael and Seto Kaiba]'' Wait! Everyone in here had their soul captured! This must be where the orichalcos spits you out after you lose a duel! Aah! Calm down. Maybe it is just a dream. Uh... :'''Yugi''': It's no dream. And take a look, Joey. Things are about to get worse! :'''Joey''': What's that!? :'''Pegasus''': Don't you pay attention? That's the Great Leviathan, and it's using human souls for power. :'''Joey''': It's doing what!? But I don't wanna be turned into soul food! :'''Yugi''': We can still get out of this mess if the Pharaoh defeats Dartz! :'''Joey''': Huh? But how see gonna do that? ''[looks at Seto Kaiba]'' Rich boy's with us now. That means.... The Pharaoh's facing Dartz alone out there! :'''Yugi''': Wrong. Kaiba may have been knocked outta the fight... But the Pharaoh's not alone, Joey. :'''Joey''': I'm afraid I don't follow, Yuge. :'''Yugi''': He's still got all of us. Sure, we're not right there next to him, but we've never let that stop us before. :'''Joey''': Yeah, but I don't know if that's gonna work this time, 'Cause Dartz is playin' by a whole new set a rules. and nothing can take down that orichalcos card. :'''Pegasus''': There is one thing that can help. :'''Joey''': Huh? :'''Pegasus''': It's the card I gave him. And if the Pharaoh draws it, He'll be able to unleash a force like no other. :'''Joey''': In this card can beat Dartz? :'''Pegasus''': Yes. You see, it was during a trip to Egypt that I was inspired to create the game of duel monsters after making an astonishing discovery. Ancient kings and sorcerers once performed dark rituals to conjure real monsters. These creatures were believed to have lived in a universe parallel to ours, and guarding the gateway to this dominion of the beasts were three legendary dragons known as Timaeus, Critias, and Hermos. But you already know about them, right? :'''Joey''': Right. :'''Pegasus''': What you don't know is that these dragons aren't what they appear to be. They were buried with a dark secret. So I created a card that unlocks this mystery. :'''Yugi''': I don't get it. What's the secret? :'''Pegasus''': I spent many years scouring the globe trying to find an answer to that very question, Yugi boy. First I searched the microscopic world for the tiniest clues. then I scanned the vast reaches of the universe, and still nothing. Other than on stone tablet hidden deep beneath the sands of Egypt, there was no record of the existence of these dragons. Then it dawned on me. What if these dragons aren't dragons at all? What if they're humans! :'''Yugi''': Humans!? But how is that possible, Pegasus? and what does it have to do with that mystery card you gave to the Pharaoh? :'''Pegasus''': During the battle of Atlantis, Dartz transformed three brave knights into dragons in an effort to weaken them. Now the Pharaoh must restore them to their original form... Before we disappear forever! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': ''[shocked by the Pharaoh's Millennium Puzzle preventing the Orichalcos to take his soul]'' Impossible! No one can overcome the power of the Orichalcos! You should have lost the duel! What's going on?! Why didn't the Seal take your soul?! Tell me! :'''Yami Yugi''': You forced me to gaze inside my heart, thinking I would find only darkness. But you were wrong. :'''Dartz''': Then you gazed in the wrong place! :'''Yami Yugi''': Look, believe what you wish, but I know the truth. My heart is filled with the light of friendship, and no magic can take that away, no matter how strong it is. So, thank you. You reminded me that my friends are always with me. And we're going to win this fight and take you down together! Dartz… It all ends right now! ''[draws and gasps; thinking]'' It's the card Pegasus gave me! I can sense it! :'''Dartz''': Well? Get on with it. :'''Yami Yugi''': Do you know what's in my hand? The key to unlocking the secret of the legendary dragons! :'''Dartz''': ''[gasps]'' What?! :'''Yami Yugi''': You heard me. Legend of Heart! I give up 1,000 Life Points and remove my Obnoxious Celtic Guardian from the field! This lets me summon Critias, Hermos, and Timaeus in their true form! :'''Timaeus''': Finally! After 10 millennia in captivity, we've been set free! :'''Dartz''': No! Not them! :''[The three legendary knights appear in their true forms on Yugi's side of the field]'' :'''Timaeus''': I am he who is named Timaeus! :'''Critias''': And I am… Sir Critias! :'''Hermos''': I am known as… Sir Hermos! :'''Legendary Knights''': In the name of Atlantis… we have been reborn! :'''Dartz''': ''[shocked in disbelief]'' I thought I took care of you centuries ago! ''[The three knights slam their swords onto the ground and destroy the Seal of Orichalcos; horrified]'' What have you done?! My precious Seal is gone! :'''Hermos''': Your ring of darkness is useless in our presence! :'''Critias''': Did you forget our last encounter? :'''Timaeus''': I certainly did not. And I have a score to settle with you! :'''Yami Yugi''': The time has come to weaken your defense! ====Part 6==== <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': You lose, Dartz. Your 10,000 year quest is finally over. :'''Dartz''': It can't be. I've come too close. All I need is one more powerful soul and the Great Leviathan will arise from the depths of the earth. :'''Yami Yugi''': Too little, too late. Your serpent has been destroyed, and with that, our duel come to an end. Now release the souls of my friends and everyone else you've held captive. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Téa''': ''[in tears]'' It is you, Yugi! :'''Yugi''': Téa? :'''Téa''': I thought we'd never see you again! :'''Yugi''': It's good to see you, too. :'''Joey''': All right, Out of my way people. Where's my little buddy? Ha Ha! Yug! Man did I miss this spikey little head. :'''Yugi''': Hey, Joey! :'''Téa''': The gang is back! :'''Tristan''': Don't forget about me! :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi, the Legendary Knights have set you free. :'''Yugi''': Does that mean you beat Dartz? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes, Yugi. But as soon as our duel ended, he disappeared into some vortex, and I have a bad feeling the worst is yet to come, but at least we'll face it together. <hr width="50%"/> ===''Rise of the Great Beast'' [4.39-40]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Dark Magician Girl''': Monsters, unite. Without us all hope is lost. We must join forces with the humans! And together we shall defeat the Great Beast. Now go! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': That Leviathan's a goner! It's 3 on 1 up there! :'''Kaiba''': I see you can count! Unfortunately, numbers aren't everything! :'''Yugi''': You can do this, Pharaoh! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': My Leviathan is fueled by the darkness of my prisoners! :'''The Pharaoh''': Wrong, Dartz! I was able to transform the darkness in their hearts to light! A light which now fuels MY beasts! :'''Dartz''': NO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, PHARAOH?!?! :'''Kaiba''': Hey, look! I guess the Gods did pull through! :'''Joey''': Told ya! That means everyone Dartz captured is free! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': I'm back. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi''': Look! It’s the portal that led us here! :'''Joey''': Alright! Home sweet home here we come! <hr width="50%"/> ====Part 2==== :'''Dartz''': Now, Great Leviathan! Crush the Pharaoh with his own darkness! :'''Yugi''': Let him go! :'''Yami Yugi''': No! Get back! :'''Yugi''': Huh? :'''Yami Yugi''': This is my fight now, I must prove that my rage is gone! ''[Yugi gasps flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|Yami Yugi and Rafael's first duel, the Pharaoh activated The Seal of Oricalcos card]]. flashback ends]'' When I played that card, I unlocked the evil in my heart, Ever since then, I’ve been fighting the anger within me, and now it’s destroying me. :'''Yugi''': But you stopped it… Didn’t you? :'''Yami Yugi''': No, Yugi! Listen. Facing you in that duel was a first step, But there’s a long way to go. ''[grunting]'' The darkness… It’s power knows no bounds. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Self Destruction|Yami and Yugi’s duel in the Stone Wasteland]] flashback ends.]'' :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh! Be strong! Focus on the good inside you! Think of your friends! :'''Yami Yugi''': Of course. As long as I’m filled with the light of friendship, Dartz can’t win. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#A Duel with Dartz|their duel]] and flashback ends]'' Thanks to my friends, I have enough light to banish the darkness! So with the power of everyone in my heart, I shall seal you away! '''BE GONE!''' :'''Dartz''': Great Leviathan, vanquish the Pharaoh's spirit for all eternity! :'''Yugi''': Get out while you can! :'''Yami Yugi''': You must trust me! :'''Dartz''': '''NO! THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE!''' :''[?]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Man''': The hurricane, It seens to be gone. :'''Captain''': Are you sure you're reading that thing right? :''[Back at Monument Valley, Duke Devlin, Rebecca and Professor Arthur Hawkins saw dark clouds are lifting out to the skylight.]'' :'''Arthur Hawkins''': The Darkness is Lifting. :''[Back at Atlantis]'' :'''Yugi''': You did it. ''[Yami collapses he helps him]'' Hey, are you all right? :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm fine, Yugi, The Great Leviathan is gone. :'''Yugi''': Yeah. Thanks, pal. It's over now. ''[spots at Dartz]'' But what about Dartz? :''[Dartz wakes up his dark side is gone then the light glow when Ironheart, Chris and Skye appears]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi, Look it's Ironheart, and Chris. :'''Dartz''': Father, Chris, It's you. :'''Chris''': Dad, you're back! :'''Ironheart''': My son, At long last. And you have the great pharaoh to thank. He drove out the evil force that controlled you. :'''Dartz''': Oh. :'''Yami Yugi''': I knew it. Deep down you're a noble ruler, Dartz. :'''Chris''': And a great father! I've missed you so much, Dad. :'''Ironheart''': Your work here is now complete. You may go in place. Great things await you. So return now to your world by stepping through that portal. :'''Yugi''': But what about you? Are you guys gonna be OK? :'''Ironheart''': Yes, For the first time in centuries. :'''Yami Yugi''': Alright, Yugi let's go back home. :''[Pharaoh and Yugi walked toward the portal and looks at Chris, Dartz, Ironheart and Skye and they walked off enter the portal and disappears Chris looks at her father.]'' :'''Chris''': Hey, Dad. We should go too. After all this time, We have a lot of catching up to do. :''[Dartz smiled agreed with his daughter now the Atlantis is going down to the ocean and splashed towards Dartz's lair.]'' :'''Seto Kaiba''': Mokuba! Start the engines! :'''Mokuba Kaiba''': Seto! :'''Seto''': We have to get out of here. :'''Téa Gardner''': Without Yugi? No way. :'''Joey Wheeler''': Eh? :'''Téa''': Don't you know where he is? :'''Joey''': Don't tell me. :'''Téa''': You mean he's still in there!? :'''Mokuba''': Time's running out! :'''Seto''': Mokuba's right. We can't wait. :'''Joey''': Yugi! :'''Tristan Taylor''': Are you nuts man! :'''Joey''': Get your hands off of me Tristan! I’m not leaving here without Yugi! :'''Tristan''': Joey, we have to trust that he found the way out on his own! :'''Joey''': YUGI! :''[the gang hops in the KaibaCorp helicopter and takes off as Dartz's lair is washed down. Inside the helicopter Téa, Rafael, Tristan, Joey, Kaiba and Mokuba.]'' :'''Seto''': Good riddance. :'''Mokuba''': I just hope Yugi wasn't in there. :'''Téa''': Me, too. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the Hospital Rex and Weevil wakes up was that a dream.]'' :'''Weevil Underwood''': Where am i? Mommy? :'''Rex Raptor''': Hey! Who's said that!? :'''Weevil/Rex''': Huh! Oh! :'''Rex''': What are you doing in my bedroom, Weevil!? :'''Weevil''': Your bedroom!? You're in a hospital, You dimwit! :'''Rex''': What happened!? :'''Weevil''': I know who fault this is. :'''Rex''': ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#On the Wrong Track|Joey's]].'' :'''Weevil''': ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#On the Wrong Track|Yugi's]].'' :'''Both''': '''YOU'RE PAY FOR THIS! YOU HEAR ME!?''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alister''': Mikey, I know you're out there somewhere, And I'm not gonna stop looking until I find you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': ''[wakes up]'' I’m home. ''[thinking]'' Was that all a dream? ''[flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fighting for a Friend|Joey and Valon's last duel]]. Flashback ends he gets up the bed and the card fell off he spotted the Harpie Lady card and holds it walked outside the beach house and smiling looked at the sky]'' I'll never forget you. Thanks Mai. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mai driving on her motorcycle at the beach]'' :'''Mai Valentine''': ''[thinking]'' ''I'm glad that mess is over. Now to pick up the pieces.'' ''[In Mai's flashbacks, it shows the beginning of how she entered the Doma organization, when she met [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#An_Unexpected_Enemy|Yugi's friends and running towards Joey]] [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Fighting_for_a_Friend|before he became unconscious]]. Flashbacks ends]'' ''Sorry Joey. But I can't face you yet. So I'm gonna hit the road until I'm ready to own up to everything for what have I've done. But I'll be back.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dark Magician Girl''': ''[voice-over]'' Yugi, Wake up. :'''Yugi''': ''[wakes up and surprised on the beach and sees the sunset on the ocean.]'' Any idea where we are? :'''Yami Yugi''': It seems we've washed up on shore. But I wonder how. Someone must have guided us here. Hmm. :'''Yugi''': Hey, look! ''[sees Dark Magician Girl along with Timaeus, Hermos and Critias appears]'' It's Dark Magician Girl! :'''Yami Yugi''': And she's brought with her the three legendary knights. :'''Dark Magician Girl''': We four are forever in your debt. Not only have you rescued your own world, But you've saved the creatures of our world as well. Thanks to your fearlessness. The dominion of the beasts can once again flourish just as it did so many years ago. And by breaking the evil spell that imprisoned the legendary knights. They can continue to protect our land. :'''Yugi''': I'm just glad we could help. :'''Timaeus''': Thank you both. You fought bravely. Farewell. :'''Critias''': You two will never be forgotten. :'''Hermos''': For as long as we reign. :'''Yami Yugi''': Well, We couldn't have done it without you. In the face of ultimate darkness, Your couragfousness sparked a light so incredibly strong it will burn for all eternity. :'''Timaeus''': Thank you, Pharaoh. We shall meet again. :''[The legendary knights flying off together.]'' :'''Dark Magician Girl''': The time may come that we need each other again. If so, You know where I'll be. Right there in your deck. :''[she flying off with the legendary knights together then inside the KaibaCorp helicopter]'' :'''Téa''': Look, those weird lights are back. :'''Joey''': Well, that explains why? It's Dark Magician Girl and the three legendary knights. :'''Téa''': I guess they’re going home. Now that their world is safe again. :'''Yugi''': ''[sees "The Eye of Timaeus" card disappears]'' Well, Pharaoh there goes our Timaeus. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes Yugi, There goes Timaeus. :'''Joey''': ''[sees "The Claw of Hermos" card disappears]'' Well, there goes Hermos. :'''Kaiba''': ''[sees "The Fang of Critias" card disappears]'' Oh well... No big deal. My deck's still unstoppable. :'''Téa''': I hope Yugi's all right. ''[spots Yugi on the island]'' Look! :'''Mokuba''': Huh? :'''Joey''': Eh? :'''Tristan''': Huh? Hey! It's Yugi! :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh! Over there! They made it out! :'''Yami Yugi''': You're right. :''[KaibaCorp helicopter lands on the beach and the door open]'' :'''Joey''': Yugi! :'''Tea''': I knew we find you. :'''Tristan''': Hey man! :'''Joey''': ''[giggling]'' I'll never let this spikey head of yours is outta my sight. :'''Tea''': Is it really all over? :'''Yugi''': Yep, we're safe now. :'''Mokuba''': ''[next to Seto Kaiba behind Rafael]'' Hey, Yugi! :'''Joey''': Let's hit the high road folks, I'm sure there's someone else trying to taking over the world back home. :'''Tristan''': You know the scary thing is he's probably right. :''[The gang hops the KaibaCorp helicopter when Yugi sees the Pharaoh watches the sunsets down the ocean.]'' :'''Tea''': ''[offscreen]'' Yugi, is something wrong? :'''Yugi''': I'll be right there, Tea. ''[The Pharaoh and Yugi looked at each other as the sun going down the ocean.]'' ''[voice over]'' ''We may have stopped Dartz, but the Pharaoh's not done yet. Now he has to pick up where he left off before all this craziness started 'cause the biggest adventure of all is still ahead. And it won't be over till the pharaoh unlocks the secrets of his past. He needs to learn who he really is and why he was sent back here. Maybe then his spirit'll finally be able to rest. Well, no matter what happens, one thing's for sure... whatever he finds out there... and whatever he needs to face... he won't have to do it alone.'' ==External links== {{wikipedia|Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (season 4)}} {{Yu-Gi-Oh!}} [[Category:Yu-Gi-Oh! seasons|4]] [[Category:Children's television seasons]] 6yuhdvfem2slc6llq21w215k1auvujx 3779014 3779003 2025-07-15T02:58:40Z 2001:8003:DD49:F700:70BE:E456:AB7D:24BF /* Deck of Armor [4.21] */ 3779014 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''Seasons''': [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 1)|1]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 2)|2]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 3)|3 Enter the Shadow Realm]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)|4 Waking the Dragons]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 5)|5 Grand Championship and Dawn of the Duel]] | '''Movies''': [[Yu-Gi-Oh! The Movie: Pyramid of Light]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Dark Side of Dimensions|The Dark Side of Dimensions]] / [[Yu-Gi-Oh!: Bonds Beyond Time|Bonds Beyond Time]] | [[Yu-Gi-Oh!|Main]] ---------------- The following is a list of quotes from the fourth season of '''''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'''''. ==Waking the Dragons Arc== ===''A New Evil'' [4.01-02]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Rex Raptor''': Ever hear of stepping aside?! :'''Weevil Underwood''': Yeah! What's your problem? :'''Gurimo''': The problem should be yours when I strip you two fools of your souls. :'''Rex Raptor''': Does the Grim Reaper know you've raided his wardrobe? :'''Gurimo''': ''[his eyes glow green, explaining the Orichalcos]'' ''Quod valedico vestrum animus.'' :'''Rex Raptor''': Say what?! :'''Weevil Underwood''': I-I think you just got him mad! :'''Gurimo''': Rise on your feet and Duel! ''[activates his Chaos Duel Disk and Weevil and Rex scream in terror off-screen]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Great deities of domination, I call upon thee. Use the pharaoh's force to penetrate the dominion of the beasts and liberate the fury of 10,000 years. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gurimo''': Your fate is now sealed. ====Part 2==== :'''Alister''': Looks like someone needs a rest. :'''Valon''': The boss warned us that the Egyptian God Cards and the magic of the Orichalcos might not mix so well, didn't he? :'''Alister''': I think that geezer's just getting too old for this. :'''Rafael''': Well, that's why we made him Duel first, right? To test the Pharaoh's strength. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Now why does all these weird stuff always happen to us? ''[Yugi is silent]'' You've gotta admit, it's true. :''[Rebecca runs up to meet Yugi]'' :'''Rebecca''': Yugi! ''[Hugs Yugi]'' :'''Yugi''': ''[Very surprised]'' Uh, hey....you! :'''Rebecca''': Oh no, don't tell me you forgot about me already! :'''Tristan''': Yet another weird event to add to the list. :'''Joey''': And this one tops them all. :'''Tristan''': It's probably best if we don't interfere! :'''Tea''': ''[Leaning towards Yugi]'' Do you know this person, Yugi? :'''Yugi''': Um, I don't think so. :'''Rebecca''': Maybe this will refresh your memory! ''[Holds up a card]'' :'''Yugi''': ''[After flashback]'' Ah, Rebecca! :'''Joey''': It's that brat! :'''Rebecca''': Hi! ''[Big smile; waves her hand]'' :'''Joey''': Wait, she looks different. Did she get a haircut or something? :'''Tristan''': No dude, she traded her teddy bear for glasses. :'''Rebecca''': ''[Hugs Yugi]'' I don't need a bear... now that I've got a boyfriend to protect me! :'''Tea''': Um, excuse me? A boyfriend!? :'''Rebecca''': ''[Another hug]'' My grandpa is also really excited to see you Yugi! :'''Yugi''': Professor Hawkins? :'''Rebecca''': Yeah, he's waiting at the Museum. :'''Tea''': Grrr... ''[Anime vein throb]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arthur''': Remarkable, Isn't it? :'''Solomon''': That's my boy. :'''Yugi''': Hey, guys! :'''Arthur''': Yugi Muto. You're just the person I need to see. I have a theory that all of these monster sightings have something to do with you. :'''Yugi''': Huh. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': Here we are, gang, Home, sweet home. :'''Rafael''': Wait til the boss hears we found the Pharaoh. ===''Legend of the Dragons'' [4.03]=== :'''Rafael''': We located the Pharaoh, Master. Unfortunately, we weren't able to capture his soul. :'''Dartz''': I didn't expect you to defeat him this soon. We've just begun. :'''Rafael''': But you know me, Master. I never come back empty handed. ''[walks forward with a small wooden box, and opens it to reveal the three Egyptian God Cards inside]'' :'''Dartz''': Excellent, the Egyptian Gods. ''[reaches out and takes the three cards in his hand]'' At long last. I've waited an eternity to hold their power in my hands. ''[the cards begin glowing]'' I finally possess the supreme force necessary to awaken the Great Beast! ''[walks to the altar at the far end of the temple]'' Soon we shall rid the Earth of mankind, and rebuild civilization as it once was! ''[places the Egyptian God Cards in the mouths of three huge stone serpents, with Ra in the middle, Slifer on the right and Obelisk on the left]'' Serpents of the Orichalcos, please hear my call! ''[raises his hands in worship]'' I offer thee the Gods of Egypt! Use their divine might to unlock the sacred chamber of the Great Beast! Awaken him from his ancient slumber by accepting my offering! :''[Dartz laughs evilly as the three cards emanate a powerful beam of energy, which then shoots up past the temple roof and into the sky, culminating in an explosion of white light which clears to reveal an array of multicoloured lights floating in the sky]'' :'''Dartz''': The time has arrived, my friends. Finally, after ten thousand years, the Great Leviathan shall rise again! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dark Magician Girl''': We’ve only just begun. The great beast is still weak so he retreated for the moment. And for that my companions and I are truly my Pharaoh. But many of us remain prisoners on the other side. :'''Yugi''': What’s next? :'''Dark Magician Girl''': The great beast will return again… and his power will grow! He must be stopped before he is fully restored! Time is running out! ===''The Creator Returns'' [4.04]=== :'''Dartz''': Rafael! :'''Rafael''': Yes, Master Dartz. ''[kneels before Dartz]'' I know what to do. I'll find the Pharaoh. And this time, I'll make sure we drain his power to feed the Great Beast, sir. :'''Dartz''': Why don't you try listening? It's really a wonderful skill. ''[turns around]'' And when you master it, you'll realise that we need more than just the Pharaoh's soul! :'''Alister''': Then we'll deal with the others too. I'll take Kaiba. :'''Valon''': I got my eye on someone too. That feisty little bloke Joey Wheeler. ''[laughs]'' He should be fun to take apart. :'''Alister''': I know why you're after Wheeler. :'''Valon''': Mind your own business, Alister! What about you? Why the sudden interest in Kaiba? :'''Alister''': Look, I have my reasons, Valon. :'''Valon''': Really?! :'''Rafael''': Knock it off! We're in the presence of Master Dartz! :'''Dartz''': The Pharaoh and his friends are on his way to speak with the one we've been watching. Just make certain that you reach him before they do. :'''Rafael''': Pegasus? :'''Dartz''': And to think, I called you a bad listener. Now go see Pegasus at once! :''[Alister and Valon join Rafael in kneeling before Dartz]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': I can’t believe the very monsters I made famous and now terrorising people around the world. Oh. Talk about bad publicity. :'''Mai Valentine''': Do you always talk to yourself like that? :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': ''[turns looks at the window shelf a strange figure is Mai Valentine]'' Huh? :'''Mai Valentine''': You got to get yourself some friends, honey. :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': But how did you get past my security? :'''Mai Valentine''': I guess your office isn’t as secure as you think it is, money bags. :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': I know you, you’re Mai Valentine. Tell me, why did you come here? :'''Mai Valentine''': Good question. I came here to duel you. And to take your soul. :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': '''NO!''' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Yugi and his friends at the airport]'' :'''Yugi''': I'll see you soon, Grandpa. :'''Solomon''': Take care, Yugi. And don't forget to keep your seats upright during takeoff. And don't fill up on peanuts. :'''Yugi''': Sure, bye, Grandpa. :'''Tea Gardner''': Well, we're off. :'''Joey Wheeler''': Thanks for the ride. :'''Solomon''': You kids be careful, now! :''[Weevil and Rex are sneaking to followed Yugi and his friends to hiding in the bag.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pegasus''': Kaiba boy! I missed you! ===''Deja Duel!'' [4.05-06]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Mokuba''': Seto, We're approaching Duelist Kingdom. :'''Seto''': I'll try to make this quick. The less time I spend here, the better. :'''Mokuba''': Me, too. This place has nothing but bad memories. :'''Seto''': Initiate the landing sequence now. :'''Mokuba''': You got it. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Pegasus''': I just haven't been myself lately. in fact... ''[in Alister's voice]'' I mean that quite literally. :'''Mokuba''': What's going on? :'''Alister''': Surprise! ''[chuckling]'' :''[he rips himself off, revealing Alister]'' :'''Alister''': I've waited for this day for a long time, Kaiba-boy. :'''Seto''': You're gonna pay for tricking me like that! :'''Alister''': ''[as Pegasus' voice]'' Pretty good imitation, right? :'''Seto''': Identify yourself. :'''Alister''': ''[normal voice]'' Alister's the name, Kaiba boy! Now let's duel! ''[activates his chaos duel disk and draws a card]'' Hm. ''[holds up "The Seal of Orichalcos" card]'' This magic card is about to change everything. Activating the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Seto''': What's that? :'''Mokuba''': This is nuts! :'''Seto''': Explain yourself now! :'''Alister''': Oh, as if you're gonna believe me? :'''Seto''': Try me. :'''Alister''': We're trapped in here till the duel's over. Then once I crush you, I'll be able to get out. Hmm. Of course, you on the other hand won't be quite as lucky as myself Kaiba boy. :'''Seto''': What do you mean? :'''Alister''': When you lose, your soul will be locked away for all eternity... But this time, you won't be set free! :''[To Be Continued...]'' ====Part 2==== :'''Alister''': Let's get on with this. I summon Gorlag in attack mode! And here's a little bonus. :'''Seto''': Your monster just got stronger! But how?! :'''Alister''': Remember the Seal of Orichalcos? As long as it stays active on the field, every one of my monsters gets 500 attack point boost. :'''Seto''': What?! :'''Alister''': You heard me. Plus, my Gorlag gets another 500 points for every fire monster on the field. :'''Seto''': There are none! :'''Alister''': Oh, no? What do you think my Gorlag's made of? Ready, Gorlag? Attack his Versago the Destroyer, now! ''[Gorlag attacks Seto's monster and it reappears on his side of the field]'' :'''Seto''': ''[thinking]'' What's that?! :'''Alister''': Did I forget to mention my Gorlag's ''other'' special ability? Every time he destroys one of my opponent's monsters, that very same monster reappears on ''my'' side of the field-- only this time, it becomes a creature of fire! And you remember what happens when a creature of fire is on the field, right? My Gorlag gets even stronger! It's over for you! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alister''': It used to be my brother's! But I'll never see him again… 'cause your father took him away from me! <hr width="50%"/> ===''An Unexpected Enemy'' [4.07]=== :'''Rafael''': Someone out there likes to crash parties. Let's find out who. ''[drives off]'' :'''Valon''': I already know. And I know just where she's going too. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Don't we get a "hi"? What's with the silent treatment, Mai. :'''Mai''': I'm not Mai. at least not the Mai you knew. :'''Joey''': What? :'''Mai''': You heard me. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#The Creator Returns (E.4)|she and Pegasus' duel at Industrial Illusions]], flashback ends.]'' Alright, gang. ''[holds up the card is Maximillion Pegasus' soul is captured by the Seal of Orichalcos]'' Say hello to Pegasus. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[shocked]'' What? :'''Tristan''': Whoa... Is that really him? :'''Téa''': Ah... Question: Did you do that to him? :'''Joey''': Look! You better start talking! :'''Valon''': ''[offscreen]'' or else what!? :'''Joey''': Huh? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Joey, Yami Yugi, Téa and Tristan spots at Valon and Rafael on top]'' :'''Valon''': What's the matter, Wheeler, did your little reunion with Mai not go as well as you expected it to do? ''[to Mai]'' And you! Why are you keeping these guys all for yourself, Mai? Why don't you show some manners and share the fun with us? :'''Mai''': Mind your own business, you lackey. These geeks are mine, so deal with it. :'''Joey''': Geeks!? But we're your friends, Mai. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_3)#One_for_the_Road|Joey and Mai after the battle city finals]]]'' Please, Mai! Tell me this is all a joke! You're on ''our'' side, remember?! :'''Tristan''': Great. Mai totally sold ''us'' out! :'''Téa''': No! Mai would never do that! Tell him. You're still ''our'' friend, right? :'''Yami Yugi''': Time to explain yourself. :'''Mai''': I was never a ''part'' of your little playgroup. And now I'm gonna break you apart one-by-one. ''[activates her chaos duel disk]'' And Wheeler… I'm starting with you! :'''Joey''': Fine! :'''Mai''': It's payback time, and it all starts, now! And to think, I was once pathetic enough to call you my friend. But now I know the truth! You were holding me back from achieving true power! So say hello to my real friend… THE SEAL OF ORICHALCOS! This card's done for me than you losers ever could! ''[activates the card, trapping Joey and herself in it]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': No! Not this! :'''Mai''': ''[chuckles sinisterly]'' If you're scared now, just wait till you lose. :'''Joey''': Wake up, Mai! This thing's nothing but bad news! It's messing up your head, big time! Don't you remember everything we've been through together? Just ditch that freaky card, and things can be the way they use to be! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': It's exactly as I feared. The Orichalcos controls her! This duel must end. :'''Téa''': Otherwise, she's gonna do the same thing to Joey that she did to Pegasus! ===''My Freaky Valentine'' [4.08-10]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Mai''': What are you waiting for, Wheeler? :'''Joey''': I'm waiting for you to come to your senses! :'''Tristan''': She's lost it. How can she side with the enemy?! :'''Téa''': It's all because of that Orichalcos thing! :'''Yami-Yugi''': Now, one of them will lose their soul. :'''Téa''': No, you can't do this! Don't you see you're letting that magic card control you, Mai! You're putting your own life in danger! :'''Yugi''': They can't go through with this! We've got to do something! :'''Yami-Yugi''': But the Puzzle is powerless against that seal. :'''Valon''': Ey, Pharaoh! Quit mumblin' to yourself down there, will ya? In case you didn't realize this last time, nothing can break the Seal of Orichalcos! Once it appears, it doesn't disappear until a soul's been captured! :'''Rafael''': And don't think you're off the hook, Pharaoh. As soon as the girl takes your friend's soul, I'm takin' ''yours''. :'''Mai''': Get back in your cage, gorilla boy! When I'm done with Wheeler… Yugi belongs to ''me!'' :'''Yami-Yugi''': But why? :'''Téa''': ''She's'' nuts! :'''Rafael''': I never liked her. No respect. Any more lip from Mai and she's next. :'''Valon''': Aw, give the girl a break, will ya? She's still new at all this, mate. Plus, she's kinda cute when she gets mad, don't ya think? :'''Rafael''': Uh, no. :'''Mai''': When are you gonna make your move, hotshot? This year would be nice. :'''Joey''': What did I say?! ''I'm'' not gonna duel ''against'' you, Mai! :'''Mai''': Afraid you're not good enough? Afraid you're gonna lose like you did in Battle City?! I shoulda known you'd back down! :'''Joey''': Actually, I'm afraid I'm gonna win. 'Cause if I do… You're gonna pay for it by givin' up ''your'' soul! :'''Mai''': I have no soul! :'''Téa''': ''[shocked by what she said]'' You hear that?! :''[Valon whistles]'' :'''Mai''': I told you, the Mai you knew is gone! I traded in her soul for power! The old Mai was too lonely and pathetic. The girl was just holding me back. So I did what I had to! I sent her packing! Now, my weak side's gone for good! :'''Joey''': Well, I happen to have liked the old Mai and I'm gonna get her back! :'''Mai''': I'd like to see you try! :''[Joey activated his duel disk]'' :'''Tristan''': He's gonna go through with this?! :'''Téa''': Be careful, Joey! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mai activates her Nightmare Tri-Mirror trap card to transform the reflection of Joey's Scapegoats into four more Harpie Ladies, thus giving her a total of six Harpies]'' :'''Tristan''': Wait just a second, she can't have six monsters in play! :'''Yami-Yugi''': Remember, Tristan, thanks to the Seal of Orichalcos, Mai is allowed to have up to ''ten'' monsters on the field at once. :'''Tristan''': D'oh! Stupid magic thing! :'''Mai''': Now this is what I call, "girl power!" You're up against six Haripe Ladies all enhanced with the power of my magic card! I place one card facedown on the field. It was nice knowin' ya! I've got six Harpie Ladies and one big magic circle, and we all agree you're in over your head, Wheeler. Lucky for you, it's your move or I'd finish you off right now. So what's it gonna be? :'''Tristan''': There's nothing he can do! Mai backed Joey into a corner and now he's stuck there! :'''Yugi''': Tristan's got a point. If Joey doesn't do something quick, Mai is gonna win the duel! :'''Yami-Yugi''': That's true. And as long as the Seal of Orichalcos is on the field, Mai has all sorts of advantages. It even seems as though there are certain magic and trap cards that only she is allowed to use. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': I summon Panther Warrior in attack mode! Now, I sacrifice one scapegoat so my panther can attack! :'''Mai''': I reveal my facedown card! Harpie Lady Sparrow Formation! :'''Joey''': What?! :'''Mai''': My Harpie Ladies have all joined forces to repel your attack! :'''Tristan''': Mai didn't have that card back in Battle City. :'''Téa''': You're right. :'''Yami-Yugi''': It seems as though she's gone through more than a few changes since the last time we saw her-- including a stronger deck! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Look, Mai... I don't know what kind of spell these guys put on ya but you gotta wake up! Otherwise we're both gonna be in pretty big trouble! :'''Mai''': What spell!? No one's controlling me! ''[looks up on Valon and Rafael]'' Those two lackeys up there couldn't control my left pinky. ''I'' was sick of my life... So I ''chose'' to change it! :''[Téa, Tristan and the Pharaoh gasps and horrifying]'' :'''Joey''': ''[shocked]'' No way! :'''Téa''': How could you!? :'''Mai''': You guys wouldn't understand. You've never been an outsider like me... All alone. Duel monsters is all I have. And after [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 3)|the Battle City tournament]], I set out to become the best. I duel against chump after chump to improve my dueling skills. I needed to make a name for myself. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': I stopped whining like a loser and started taking control! Now nothing can stop me! :'''Joey''': I never knew you felt that way. Why didn't you tell us you were so unhappy? We could've helped you, Mai! :'''Mai''': '''SAVE IT!''' I don't need your kind of help! All I need now is power! And I'm about to unleash all of it on ''you!'' ''[draws]'' I play Harpie Lady Phoenix Formation! Since I have six Harpies on the field, it lets me destroy up to six of your monsters! :'''Tristan''': Hold on! Joey's only got three left! :'''Téa''': That means once Mai's Harpie Ladies attack, he'll be defenseless! :'''Yami-Yugi''': That's not all. Mai's magic card will also subtract the sum of Joey's monsters' attack points from ''his'' Life Points. :'''Mai''': Now, Harpie Ladies… unite and destroy every one of his monsters! Say goodbye to your three monsters, Wheeler! Someone is one attack away from losing their soul and I don't think it's me, sweetheart. Any last requests? :'''Tristan''': Mai's got 4000 points! She hasn't even lost one! And Joey's down to his last 200! Not to mention the fact that he's out of monsters! :'''Téa''': If he doesn't think of something right now, he's gonna lose the duel! ====Part 2==== :'''Yugi''': There is a way for Joey to end this duel without someone getting hurt, isn't there? :'''Yami-Yugi''': Yes, but it won't be easy. The Seal of Orichalcos is powerful. However, it does have limitations. It can only capture a soul when a duelist loses, and there it lies the secret to escaping its wrath. :'''Yugi''': I don't get it. :'''Yami-Yugi''': Let's hope Joey does. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': ''[spots at Weevil and Rex outside]'' It's a regalia party, What are you guys doing here? :'''Weevil''': It's that magic circle! :'''Rex''': Yeah! The same one we were trapped in! :'''Mai''': I sacrifice my two Harpies! That allows me to summon Harpie's Pet Dragon! And thanks to the Seal of Orichalcos, it gets 500 more points! Plus, it gets another 300 points for every Harpie I have on the field! :'''Yami-Yugi''': Now it has 3,400 points! :'''Mai''': It's been nice knowing ya, Wheeler! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Joey picked his own trap card in the middle, canceling Mai's attack]'' :'''Joey''': YEAH! Bingo, baby! :'''Tristan''': I knew he could do it! :'''Téa''': You go! :'''Weevil''': Now that's luck. :'''Rex''': Yeah, next time I play Bingo, I'm bringin' him! :'''Valon''': Well, there goes your theory. :'''Joey''': Looks like your last attack didn't work. So I'm still in the game! :'''Mai''': For now, maybe. :'''Téa''': That's cool. At least Joey bought himself a little time. :'''Yami-Yugi''': Yes, but it did come with a price, Téa. :'''Mai''': Impressive. But your little maneuver helped me out, too. :'''Joey''': Yeah, I know. Now you get to put the two cards you picked at the top of your deck. :'''Téa''': Oh, no! Now she can use those two cards again! :'''Yami-Yugi''': Harpie Lady Phoenix Formation and Harpie Sparrow Formation. Those are two of Mai's most powerful cards! :'''Mai''': You may have stopped my attack but my turn's not over. Next, I'll move one of my Harpie Ladies to my rear defense. And then, I'll place two cards facedown and end my turn. :'''Joey''': ''[thinking]'' I've got one more shot to do this, but I'm all out of ideas! ====Part 3==== :'''Rafael''': Valon, what are you doing!? :'''Valon''': With this fragment of the Orichalcos stone… I unlock the seal! :'''Rafael''': No! ''[jumps down]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami-Yugi''': Joey, are you alright. Joey! :'''Tristan''': Oh man. :'''Téa''': Why did he do that? :'''Rafael''': What were you thinking, Valon? You betrayed Master Dartz and risked your own soul! And you mean to tell me you did all that so you just saved some girl, Valon. :'''Valon''': She's not just some ''girl'', Rafael! :'''Rafael''': Would ''you'' listen to yourself, Valon!? ''[growls]'' I'll make up for this… By taken ''your'' soul, Pharaoh. The power around my neck puts your Puzzle to shame. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami-Yugi''': Joey! :'''Tristan''': You're okay, man! :'''Téa''': Joey! :'''Tristan''': Don't give up on us now. :'''Téa''': Joey. :'''Joey''': Where's Mai? Did those punks take her? :'''Téa''': I guess so. :'''Tristan''': Yeah. She gone. :'''Joey''': ''[gasps]'' Oh no, I was so close. ''[groans]'' I'LL GET YOU BACK, MAI! ===''The Challenge'' [4.11]=== :'''Seto Kaiba''': No way! My mind must be playing tricks on me! :'''Joey Wheeler''': I doubt that. My card seens to be doing the same thing, Kaiba! :'''Yami Yugi''': It feels as though these three dragons are calling out to us. :'''All''': Uhh! :'''Yami Yugi''': I was told that fate had chosen three modern-day warriors to release these legendary beasts. :'''Kaiba''': Chosen by fate? Get real. I'm the one who decides my fate, Yugi! Not some fairy tale about mythical dragons and giant man-eating monsters. :'''Yami Yugi''': Be reasonable for once! The world needs us! We do this as a team! :'''Kaiba''': Sorry... I don't do the teamwork thing. :'''Yami Yugi''': Listen! :'''Kaiba''': You geeks have wasted enough of my time already. I have a multi-million dollar company to run. Playtime's over. :'''Yami Yugi''': Kaiba! :'''Mokuba''': Seto.... wait up! :'''Joey''': We don't need him weighing us down anyway. With good old Hermos over here those hoodlums won't stand a chance. :'''Tristan''': Someone's back to their old self again. About time. :'''Joey''': It took me a while, but I realized being bummed out about Mai's not gonna bring her back. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': ''[angrily]'' What were ''you'' thinking?! I was just about to finish off Wheeler, and then you had butt in and ruin everything! :'''Rafael''': You're a real piece a work. He saved your soul, and this is how you repay him? :'''Mai''': Who asked to be saved?! Maybe next time, He'll learn to butt out! :'''Rafael''': Next time... We'll just let you lose. :'''Valon''': That's enough, mate, I'm fine! :'''Mai''': Yeah, Clam up, or you'll end up just like your friend here. :'''Rafael''': ''[stands up]'' ''You'' have no idea the danger you were in. :'''Mai''': Huh? :'''Rafael''': Do you remember that Hermos card Wheeler played? It's an ancient dragon that can only be controlled by a chosen duelist. :'''Mai''': Ha! Yeah, ''he'' was chosen all right! Chosen to have that scrawny butt of his kicked by a real duelist! Humph. ''[hops on Valon's motorcycle]'' Later, losers! ''[droves off]'' :'''Valon''': Hey, wait! That's mine! ''[coughs]'' :'''Mai''': ''[thinking]'' ''You'' won't escape me this time, Wheeler. :'''Valon''': I can't let Mai get hurt. I gotta stop her. :'''Rafael''': Forget about her, Valon. Let's focus on the Pharaoh. :'''Valon''': But Master Dartz said to wait. :'''Rafael''': Yeah, Well, Master Dartz doesn't always know what's best. I should take the strongest soul first. Once I get him out of the way, The others will fall right into my hands, one by one. :'''Valon''': But how do you know the Pharaoh will duel? :'''Rafael''': Because my plan is already in place. It's only a matter of time. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': A duel monster's card? ''[spots a note from Rafael and gasps]'' GRANDPA! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': You sure this is the place? :'''Yugi''': Professor Hawkins! Rebecca! :'''Rebecca''': Yugi. :'''Yugi''': Rebecca. What happened here? :'''Rebecca''': ''[in tears]'' Yugi… they tooked him. ''[starts to cries]'' My poor Grandpa! ''[sobbing]'' It’s not fair! He didn’t hurt anyone! :'''Yugi''': We’re gonna find him… I promise. :'''Rebecca''': Thank you. Who would do something like this?! <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi''': Oh, no! How far away is [[w:Death Valley|Death Valley]]? :'''Rebecca''': Well if we use Duke's car, it shouldn’t take us more than an hour or so. :'''Yugi''': Sorry, Rebecca… But I have to go alone. :'''Rebecca''': Why? :'''Yugi''': I’ve put you and your family in enough danger already. :'''Rebecca''': Uh-uh. Don’t be silly, Yugi. None of this is your fault at all. :'''Yugi''': Thanks, Rebecca. But It’s me they want, and you’ll be much safer here. And please, don’t tell Joey, Tristan, Téa and the other guys where I’m about to go, OK? :'''Rebecca''': But why? :'''Yugi''': I don’t want them to follow me there. :'''Weevil''': Interesting. :'''Rex and Weevil''': ''[looks at each other]'' Hmm? <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi''': Ready, Copernicus. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Arthur''': Rebecca, Where's Yugi? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': We’ll keep an eye out on Rex and Weevil, I don’t trust those two. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Weevil''': We can't miss the showdown between Yugi and those guys. I have to find out how they made Mai into such a strong duelist. :'''Rex''': Can't we take a quick snack break? :''[Weevil and Rex spots Yami Yugi riding on Copernicus]'' :'''Weevil''': It's Yugi, he's getting ahead! :'''Rex''': No put the pedal to the metal! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': ''[looks after her grandfather was asleep and holds Ties of Friendship card what Yugi gives her]'' Be careful, Yugi. Please. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': I'm ready for you, Pharaoh. Thanks to my deck... and the power it holds. ===''Fate of the Pharaoh'' [4.12-14]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Rafael''': Very impressive, cowboy, But You'll need more than a few rodeo tricks to get yourself outta this. ''[Pharaoh crossing the bridge]'' You see, While my associates are satisfied with stealing the souls of your friends, I'm not. :'''Yami Yugi''': I did my part. Now you release the Professor Arthur Hawkins as you promised. :'''Rafael''': He's already been set free, but since you've come all this way, you might as well stay awhile. ''[?]'' So you're gonna stick around, right? 'Cause like I said before, Pharaoh, your friends aren't good enough. I need to capture the soul of the pharaoh himself so I can save the world. :'''Yami Yugi''': Save the world? Don't you see that what you're doing is going to ''destroy'' the world? or are you so insane that you can't tell the difference? :'''Rafael''': I'm just fine. It's you who's blind to what's going on. You're fighting on the wrong side. :'''Yami Yugi''': Explain yourself. :'''Rafael''': This world's a dark and lonely place to live. It's been poisoned by mankind. All I'm trying to do is fix what's been ruined by people like you, and I'll do it by locking your spirit away for good. :'''Yami Yugi''': Who do you think you are? :'''Rafael''': Look, The name's Rafael, and I called you here to duel, not shoot the breeze. I've waited for this moment long enough and I have no intention of putting our fight off for another minute, so let's go. :'''Yami Yugi''': You've given me no choice. But know this, in the end righteousness will prevail and justice shall be served. ''[activates his KC mass production duel disk]'' :'''Rafael''': That's just what I'm hoping for. ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' :'''Pharaoh and Rafael''': Let's duel! ''[their life points to 4000]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rex Raptor''': Hey Weevil, Check it out. :'''Weevil Underwood''': Yugi started dueling already. ====Part 2==== :'''Rafael''': Well, for starters, He's a better leader than you were. That's right Pharaoh. My master told me all about your history as the king of Eqypt; How you ruled as an evil dictator using the power of the shadow realm to control your subjects. :'''Yami Yugi''': Wake up. ''He'' lied. :'''Rafael''': How would you know? You have no memory of your past. So isn't it possible that you're responsible for the destruction of Egypt?! Think about it! :'''Yami Yugi''': It can't be. I know I was a worthy pharaoh. I'm the one who locked the dark magic away! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh, no! :'''Yami Yugi''': Let go! :'''Yugi''': No! You don't know what you're doing! :'''Yami Yugi''': Let go! :'''Yugi''': Listen to me! This card is affecting your mind! :'''Yami Yugi''': We're going to lose the duel! Can't you see?! Trust me! It's the only way, Yugi! We must do this! Now let me go! :'''Yugi''': Please don't play that card! :'''Yami Yugi''': Now I activate the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Rafael''': ''[thinking]'' ''Excellent''. :''[The Pharaoh activates the card]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''What have I done?'' :'''Yugi''': No! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Do you guys see what I see!? :'''Tristan''': Is that light what I think it is!? :'''Joey''': The Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Rafael''': Nice work, Pharaoh. I knew you had it in you. Now, let's see what the Orichalcos reveals about you. Are you good or are you evil? So, tell me. How do ya feel? ''[laughing]'' :''[To Be Continued...]'' ====Part 3==== :'''Yami Yugi''': What have you done to my dragon!? :'''Rafael''': It's not what I've done.... It's what ''you've'' done by playing that magic card. Guess I should warned ya. Timaeus and the Orichalcos don't mix. But at least your dark side's been set free. :'''Yami Yugi''': What have I unleashed? ''[screaming]'' You were a fool to hand me this card! For when you lose, you soul will be for all eternity where it belongs! Now I activate Hand Control! All I need to do is correctly guess the name of a card in your hand and I can activate it! And since I gave you the necromancy card, I know you're holding it! Now it's mine! Ha! Necromancy allows me to bring four monsters back from my graveyard! So return to me Big Shield Gardna... Berfomet... Gazelle the king of mythical beasts... and Kuribabylon! Next I'll sacrifice Gazelle and Berfomet so I can summon my Dark Magician! Then I'll separate my Kuribabylon into the five Kuriboh brothers I used to create it! Now my monsters, feel the power of the orichalcos! <hr width50%> :'''Yugi''': Hey, where am I? The Seal of Oricahlcos! No! ''He'' played it! What have you done, Pharaoh? <hr width50%> :'''Joey''': YUGI! :'''Tristan''': No way, dude! :'''Joey''': What's going on? Why's that oricahlcos thingy on Yugi's forehead. :''[Joey, Tristan and Duke jumped in next Weevil and Rex.]'' :'''Rex''': You guys just missed the best part. :'''Duke''': Yeah? Then why don't you two fill us in. :'''Tristan''': I don't trust these twerps as far as I can throw 'em. :'''Joey''': Hey! ''[grubs Weevil]'' My best buddy's got that freaky ding on his head and I want answers now! :'''Weevil''': Why don't you take your paws off of me and try asking nicely! :'''Joey''': Wrong answer. Now it's go time! :'''Weevil''': Don't hurt me, Don't hurt me... :'''Rex''': It's the Seal of Oricahlcos! :'''Weevil''': ...Don't hurt me, Don't hurt me... :'''Rex''': Yugi got it from that big muscle guy and then activated it! :'''Weevil''': ...Don't hurt me, Don't hurt me. :''[Joey lets go off Weevil and he, Tristan and Duke gasps sees Yami Yugi faces Rafael and he using that evil spell card in horrified and Weevil panting.]'' :'''Joey''': Yugi ''wouldn't'' do that! He knows that card is ''evil!'' :''[The Pharaoh growls as the Orichalcos appears on his forehead]'' <hr width50%> :'''Weevil''': Alright, guys, If Yugi loses I call dibs on his Dark Magician. :'''Rex''': That's not cool. Why don't you show some compassion for a change... and let me take his Dark Magician. :'''Joey''': Watch it! <hr width50%> :'''Joey''': That doesn't sound like to Yugi I know. Come on pal... Snap out of it! <hr width50%> :''[In the far corners of Yugi's subconscious mind]'' :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh, NO! The Seal of Orichalcos is in play! So the monsters on the field are real! Please don't sacrifice the Dark Magician Girl! <hr width50%> :'''Tristan''': Earth to Joey, are you there, man? :'''Joey''': I'm here, but Yug's not. he's brainwashed! :'''Tristan''': Say what?! :''[Duke gasps]'' :'''Joey''': He's sacrificing his monsters left and right and talking about "power." That's not Yugi's style a duelin' at all! That oricahlcos ding is messin' with his head! Just like it did to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|Mai!]] :''[In the far corners of Yugi's subconscious mind]'' :'''Yugi''': ''[in tears]'' How could ''he'' do this? That card is evil. I warned him. <hr width50%> :'''Rafael''': You let your rage take over. Now look into the eyes of your monsters! :'''Yami Yugi''': Please forgive me for what I've done to you! <hr width50%> :'''Rafael''': Guardian Eatos, destroy his monsters and the rest of his life points! <hr width50%> :'''Yami Yugi''': '''NO!''' :'''Rex''': No way! Yugi actually lost! :'''Duke''': This can't be! :'''Tristan''': Oh man! :'''Joey''': Yugi! :''[In the far corners of Yugi's subconscious mind]'' :'''Yugi''': If he lost the duel. Then he'll loses his soul! :'''Rafael''': ''[laughing]'' Time for you to pay up, Pharaoh. The Seal of Oricahlcos never leaves the field without taking something along for the ride. And this time it's you, and you have yourself to blame 'cause you sealed your own fate when you played that card. Now your life-force will awaken the Great Beast. :''[In the far corners of Yugi's subconscious mind]'' :'''Yugi''': Not if I can help! With all the power of the Millennium Puzzle, I break the Seal! <hr width50%> :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh, I won't let his happen to you! :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi, no! What are you doing here!? :'''Yugi''': It only needs one of us. So I'm letting the Seal take ME instead. :'''Yami Yugi''': NO! YUGI! <hr width50%> :'''Rafael''': Adios, Your Highness. :''[The Pharaoh collapses]'' :'''Joey''': Hey! You alright pal!? :'''Weevil''': I doubt it. :'''Rex''': Yeah Ditto. :'''Duke''': This is nuts. :'''Tristan''': Come on, pal. :'''Joey''': Yugi, Get up! Please, Yug! :'''Rafael''': You won't be needing these anymore. <hr width50%> :'''Weevil''': Ha! Hey, Rex. :'''Rex''': I know exactly what you're thinking. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Pharaoh wakes up]'' :'''Tristan''': He's awake! :'''Joey''': I knew you outsmart that big goon. So How'd ya Yug, How did you escape. ''[sees the Pharaoh crying]'' Everything alright pal? :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[in tears]'' No, Joey. It's far from alright. I didn't outsmart him. He succeeded. Yugi's gone. :'''Joey/Tristan/Duke''': Whoa! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Great Leviathan, Please accept my latest offering. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': I don't get it. How can you be talkin' to us if ''he'' took your soul? :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[in tears]'' Not mine! Yugi's! IT'S ALL MY FAULT! YUGI, COME BACK! IT SHOULD'VE BEEN ME, NOT HIM! IT'S NOT FAIR! ===''Trial by Stone'' [4.15]=== :''[Rex and Weevil followed Rafael on the helicopter]'' :'''Rex''': He's getting away! We have to get our hands on one of those orichalcos magic cards. Just a little more! :'''Rex and Weevil''': ''[screaming]'' :'''Rex''': This is all your fault! Help! Mommy, I'm falling! :'''Rafael''': Oh, great. :'''Rex and Weevil''': Huh?! phew. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tea''': How'd it go? Is everything OK? :'''Joey''': Not quite. We got a problem guys. :'''Tea''': What do you mean? :'''Duke''': Yugi didn't win. :'''Tristan''': He's gone. :'''Tea''': Wha- :'''Tristan''': You heard me. Yugi got beat, Tea! :'''Tea''': You're wrong! If Yugi really lost that duel, those creeps would have taken his soul with their freaky magic card, Tristan! :'''Joey''': So what's your point, Tea? :'''Tea''': My point!? If he's lost how can he be standing right... ''[gasps and turns around looks at the Pharaoh]'' behind me? Oh no. :'''Rebecca''': Yugi, talk to me. What's wrong!? Why are you acting so strange!? :'''Yami Yugi''': Rebecca, they got him. :'''Rebecca''': Got who? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi. ''[Flashes back to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|their last duel as the Seal took Yugi instead]].]'' I know. This whole thing's my fault. I'm the one who unleashed the magic that took Yugi away. :'''Rebecca''': You knew that card was evil and you still played it!? If you really were a brave pharaoh, you would never have done something like that to poor, little Yugi! :'''Tea''': Now hold on. :'''Rebecca''': Oh, Tea! ''[sobbing]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm afraid Rebecca's right. :'''Tea''': Huh? :'''Joey''': What's done is done. :'''Yami Yugi''': I let everyone down. Especially Yugi. He warned me not to play the Seal of Oricalcos card, but my rage took control. ''[Flashes back to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|their first duel, the Pharaoh activated The Seal of Oricalcos card]].]'' He paid for my mistake. :'''Joey''': You got to ''snap'' outta this! :'''Yami Yugi''': He's gone, and it's all my fault. :'''Joey''': Get a grip, man! :'''Téa''': Joey! :'''Joey''': If we're gonna rescue Yugi, We gotta move ahead, not look back, So pull yourself together! What we gotta do now is find out who this Dartz guy is and where ''he'' keeps all these souls! :'''Duke''': I've been suggesting we do that since day one, but nobody listens to me. :'''Tristan''': Stop thinking about yourself for once, Duke! :'''Duke''': Down, boy. Heel! :'''Yami Yugi''': Let him go, Tristan! :'''Tristan''': Huh? :'''Yami Yugi''': This happened because I couldn't control my anger, and if we keep fighting amongst ourselves, the orichalcos will destroy us. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': You’re about to meet our master, so don’t anything to stupid. :'''Alister''': Yeah, He doesn’t have as much patience as we do. :'''Rex and Weevil''': gulped. :''[They opened the door]'' :'''Rafael''': Mission accomplished, Master. :'''Weevil''': We're gonna become super villains. :''[Rex and Weevil giggling]'' :'''Rafael''': You'll be happy to know the strongest soul on Earth has been captured, Master Dartz. :'''Dartz''': Ah, yes. The Pharaoh. :'''Weevil''': Pharaoh? :'''Rex''': What pharaoh? :'''Dartz''': Unfortunately, you failed again. ''[chair turns around wears a suit]'' :'''Valon''': ''[walks in with an arm in sling]'' That's right. The soul of the Pharaoh is still out there, Rafael. :'''Rafael''': ''[shocked]'' What?! :'''Alister''': ''[shocked]'' Huh?! :'''Dartz''': Now watch and learn. :''[Weevil whimping]'' :'''Rex''': What's that? :'''Dartz''': The Pharaoh's [[w:Rebirth|spirit inhabits the body]] of a young man. And what we have here is a clear case of mistaken identity. :''[Camera zooming towards image of Yugi Muto in stone]'' :'''Rex''': ''[shocked]'' No way! :'''Weevil''': ''[shocked]'' Yugi?! :'''Valon''': Instead of the Pharaoh, ''you'' got the soul of some kid! :'''Rafael''': I still don't understand. :'''Dartz''': Then you need to clean out your ears, you oversized baboon. Both of their spirits inhabit one body! Get it!? ''You'' captured the wrong soul! :'''Rafael''': But how!? I’m pretty sure ''I'' was dueling the Pharaoh! So the Orichcalos should have sealed him! :'''Dartz''': Well, apparently you're not as perceptive as you think you are because ''he'' got away! :'''Rafael''': That Punk! :'''Dartz''': There's no ''one'' to blame but ''yourself''! :'''Rafael''': I can fixed this, If you’ll let me. :'''Weevil''': Hey! :'''Valon, Dartz, Rafael and Alister''': ''[spots at Rex Raptor and Weevil Underwood]'' Huh? :'''Weevil''': Let's go! :'''Rex''': Go where? :''[Rex and Weevil run to Valon, Dartz, Rafael and Alister and knees on]'' :'''Weevil''': Might I suggest something, sir? :'''Rex''': Like a better hideout? :'''Weevil''': Quiet! ''[bangs Rex's head]'' :'''Rex''': Ow! I'm just trying to be helpful. :'''Dartz''': Who are these two? :'''Rex''': Haven't you heard of us? Former regional duel monsters champions? :'''Rafael''': They're just a couple of wanna-be duelists who followed us here. They probably never even played the game. :'''Weevil''': Never played the game?! :'''Rex''': Wanna-bes?! We're great duelists, but we came here to become even better. :'''Weevil''': Yugi and his friends have been making fools of us for years. ''[flashbacks to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 1)#The Ultimate Great Moth|Yugi and Weevil's duel with the Summoned Skull and The Great Moth in defeat,]] and then [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 1)#Trial by Red-Eyes|Joey and Rex's duel with a Time Wizard and Red Eyes Black Dragon in defeat]] at Duelist Kingdom. flashback ends]'' Before ''they'' showed up, we ''ruled the duels.'' But lately it seems like we're just the butt of everyone's jokes. :'''Rex''': And no ''one'' likes being a butt. :'''Weevil''': Uh, What he means is, we want nothing more than to have our revenge. So, please, mister Dartz, sir, share your dueling secrets with us and we'll help you get what you want. :'''Rex''': Please! :'''Dartz''': It won't be easy. The Pharaoh and his little friends wield the power of the legendary dragons. How do you intend to fight against cards like those? :'''Weevil''': That's exactly why we need your help, sir. :'''Rex''': Yeah, Weevil and I need the seal of orichalcos. :'''Dartz''': You know, Before I share my power with you, I have to make sure you're worthy. :'''Weevil''': Give us a chance to prove it. :'''Rex''': We'll do anything. :'''Dartz''': Very well. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Deliver to me the soul of the Pharaoh and his companion young Joseph Wheeler. The Orichcalos is with you. Used it correctly and victory is yours. :'''Rex and Weevil''': Yes, sir. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Back inside the caravan]'' :'''Joey''': So they wanna rule the world. We've dealt with that before. :'''Yami Yugi''': No, Joey, this time things are different. :'''Tristan''': Yeah, They're not just talking about wiping out all life on earth, they're doing it! :'''Joey''': But we know how to stop 'em. :'''Tristan''': Huh? :'''Joey''': We got to go straight to the source and destroy that secret weapon of theirs. :'''Tea''': You mean [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Legend_of_the_Dragons|that weird monster-zapper in the sky?]] :'''Tristan''': Unfortunately, that thing's after more than just monsters. it's using human souls to power itself up so it can wipe out the rest of us. :'''Joey''': Yeah, and right now that thing's got Yugi, so I don't know about you, but I'm not gonna stand here twiddling my thumbs. I'm gonna take action. :'''Tea''': Look, Joey, I wanna help Yugi too, but we can't just fight this thing by ourselves. We need help. :'''Rebecca''': No, Tea. :'''Tea''': Huh? :'''Rebecca''': In case you forgot, Those jerks burned down my grandpa's laboratory and destroyed all his research. And without any hard evidence, there's no way anyone's gonna believe our story. :'''Tea''': But we have proof. It's all down in those underwater ruins. :'''Rebecca''': Whatever was there won't be of any help to us now. The ruins are gone, guys. :'''Tea''': Someone ruined the ruins? :'''Duke''': They're one step ahead of us. :'''Arthur''': ''[opens the door]'' Don't give up so easily. :'''Rebecca''': Gramps, you're awake. :'''Tea''': Yeah, shouldn't you be resting? :'''Arthur''': I'll be fine. Anyway who could sleep with you kids chit chatting all day? Besides, I can help you find the information you need. You're right about looking to the ruins for answers. :'''Yami Yugi''': So did you discover anything more about these thugs? :'''Arthur''': Well, I can't be sure, but based on the inscriptions I found, there's a good chance these fellows are descendants of Atlantis, an ancient continent said to have disappeared into the ocean thousands of years ago without a trace. :'''Tea''': Are you sure? :'''Duke''': Professor, If your hunch is right, Why would these people want to destroy what was left of their ancestors' city? :'''Arthur''': They must be trying to hide something. Those ruins revealed the history of Atlantis, and it's not a pleasant one. They must what to keep it a secret. :'''Yami Yugi''': How much of this history do you know? :'''Arthur''': Thousands of years ago, Atlantis was home to the most advanced civilization the world had ever known. It truly was a paradise on earth, a land of eternal tranquility where everyone lived in peace until one day, when a dreadful creature was called forth from the depths of the earth by an evil king. :'''Yami Yugi''': An evil king? Oh, no. ''[Flashes back to their first duel, Rafael told Pharaoh heard about the Pharaoh are the one responsible for the destroy Egypt.]'' :'''Tea''': ''[worried]'' What's wrong? Are you OK? :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm fine. :'''Arthur''': It seems this power hungry king drew his evil strength from a mysterious stone, and this stone drew it's strength from another world. :'''Joey''': It's that rock they wear on their neck, Isn't it? :'''Arthur''': I'm not sure. That's all I was able to translate. :'''Joey''': NO! :'''Tristan''': Chill out, man. you'll blow a gasket. :'''Joey''': You guys don't get it, do you? Those Atlantis freaks are trying to cover something up about this ancient mega-monster. :'''Duke''': Of course. There was probably something written in those ruins about how to destroy that thing before it destroys us. :'''Tristan''': I get it. Hey, Joey, I guess you had your good idea for the year. :'''Arthur''': The ruins may have been destroyed, but there are copies of the inscriptions at a museum. It's in [[Florida]], where I was doing my underwater research. :'''Tea''': Perfect. So all we have to do is go there and translate the rest. :'''Arthur''': Mm-hmm. :'''Joey''': What are we waiting for? Let's head to sunshine state and find out the secret to defeating these guys and saving Yugi, right? :'''Tristan''': I'm right behind ya, man! Goodbye to Death Valley, Hello to fun in the sun. :'''Duke''': That's great. Just one question: How are we supposed to get there? :'''Tristan''': We're doomed. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kaiba''': ''[after hearing what happened to Yugi over the phone]'' YUGI LOST?! Yugi gave up his Duel Monsters crown to some nobody?! No one deserves that title but me! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[calmly]'' Hold on. :'''Kaiba''': I don't wanna hear another word! You're a disgrace to the game, Yugi! ''[hangs up]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': I'll book our flights and we'll take a train to the airport. I just hope we can save Yugi before it's too late. ===''On the Wrong Track'' [4.16-18]=== ====Part 1==== :''[at the train station]'' :'''Téa''': How this train ride anyway? :'''Joey''': Too long. :'''Téa''': ''[sighs]'' Any chance you wanna go instead of me, Duke? :'''Duke''': No can do, Téa. I gotta stick with Professor Hawkins in case those biker punks come back. :'''Tristan''': Duke's right. Plus he's gonna keep an eye on Rebecca too. :''[Flashback to Rebecca and Arthur see Pharaoh and his friends leaving]'' :'''Rebecca''': I wanna go too! They need a brain like mine to figure out how to save Yugi! Please!? :'''Arthur''': It's too dangerous. And the Pharaoh has enough on his mind already. :'''Rebecca''': Huh? :'''Arthur''': The last thing he needs is the responsibility of looking after you. His closest friend in the world's been taken from him. :'''Rebecca''': ''[cries ran back to the caravan]'' You don't understand anything, Grandpa! :'''Arthur''': Rebecca, wait! It's for your own good! :''[the flashback ends]'' :'''Duke''': You better get on the train before you miss your ride. :'''Joey''': We got plenty of time. :'''Tristan''': No, we don’t. :'''Joey''': Like I said "All Aboard!" :'''Téa''': Take care, Duke. :''[Joey, Tristan, Pharaoh and Téa are onboard the train carriages as the train horns blares and the train departed from the station as Duke waves to them.]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Téa''': Come on, you gotta cheer up. I promise we'll get Yugi back. But in the meantime, you can't just sit around moping. It might feel better to talk about it. We can even come up with a plan together. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[sighs, gets up the seat and sadly walked off alone]'' Sorry Téa. :'''Téa''': Poor guy. ''[watches the Pharaoh walked off alone feeling sad after he lost the duel with Rafael]'' :'''Tristan''': Just let him go, Téa. :'''Téa''': Huh? :'''Tristan''': I think he needs to be alone for a while you know? :'''Joey''': He's already alone. :'''Téa and Tristan''': Huh? :'''Joey''': Isn't that the whole problem? He’s crushed. But he’ll be alright soon enough. ‘Cause we’re going to rescue Yugi, right guys? :'''Téa''': There’s no doubt. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' How could ''I'' have been so selfish? I gave in to the darkness within my heart... and Yugi paid the price. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|their last duel with Rafael as the Seal took Yugi instead]].]'' I've lost him forever. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tea''': ''[sighs]'' He's been gone for a while. :'''Tristan''': ''[notices the passengers are empty]'' Hey, Hold on. He's not the only one! :'''Joey''': Huh? :'''Tristan''': Call me crazy. But wasn't this train completely filled with passengers just a minute ago?! What's the deal!? How can a train full of people all of a sudden be empty!? :'''Joey''': What?! :''[Joey and Tea sees passengers are empty]'' :'''Tea''': Alright. Now I'm officially freaked out! :''[back at Dartz's lair]'' :'''Dartz''': ''[evilly laughter]'' A vacant train is the least of your problems, my young friends. I'm just getting warmed up. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tea''': There you are. :'''Yami Yugi''': Huh? :'''Joey''': 'Case you haven't noticed, Something weird's going on. :'''Tristan''': If you asked me. I'd say this whole train ride is another trap. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[gasp]'' :'''Joey''': I'm sure those same slime balls are behind this. and I bet they're onboard. :'''Tristan''': Well what are we standing here for? Let's get 'em! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': Pharaoh! Tea! Whatta we do now!? :'''Yami Yugi''': Get help! :'''Tea''': Come on, we have to find a way to stop this train! :'''Tristan''': Hey, we're slowing down! You heard 'em. we gotta get help. :'''Joey''': I know... but there's a problem. ''[he and Tristan jumps off the rail coaches]'' We're in the middle of nowhere! and we don't even know those two are gonna end up. Bye, guys. Hang in there. :'''Tristan''': I guess it's just you and me now. :'''Joey''': Hmm ''[sees Rex appears snickers in the railcar with his chaos duel disk on.]'' Huh? Rex!? What are you doing here? :'''Rex Raptor''': ''[jumps off the rail coaches and walks towards Joey and Tristan]'' I still have a score to settle with you, Wheeler. Remember? You tooked my Red Eyes Black Dragon. :'''Joey''': Rex, This is not the time. :'''Rex''': It’s the perfect time for revenge. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[sees Weevil appears on top of this train with his chaos duel disk on]'' Weevil Underwood! Are you behind this!? You'd better start explaining yourself! :'''Tea Gardner''': Weevil? What are you what with us, worm boy! :'''Weevil Underwood''': What are you think I what? A rematched with the king of games! :'''Tea Gardner''': Are you nuts!? :'''Weevil Underwood''': I'm just in the mood for a friendly duel. :'''Yami Yugi''': Weevil, Who put you up to this? :'''Weevil Underwood''': No one did. I figured this was a good time to test out my new secret weapon, that's all. :'''Tristan Taylor''': Is that magic rock the professor told us about it! Where did you find that thing, Raptor!? :'''Joey Wheeler''': I knew it! ''He's'' working for ''them!'' :''[back on the train]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': You've been brainwashed, Weevil! :'''Téa''': Wake up! Those guys are just using you! :'''Weevil''': Who cares! as long as I have ultimate power! :'''Yami Yugi''': You're ''wrong!'' :'''Weevil''': Then just duel ''me!'' :'''Téa''': Wait a minute! :'''Yami Yugi''': Huh? Téa, no! It's too dangerous! :'''Téa''': Weevil! Don't you realize that if you go through with this duel, one of you guys is gonna lose your soul forever!? :'''Yami Yugi''': Téa. :'''Weevil''': Of course I do, Téa. That's the whole reason I'm here! To make him pay by ''sealing him away!'' :'''Téa''': Oh! :'''Yami Yugi''': Oh no! :'''Weevil''': Don't worry. Soon you'll be locked away with your friend Yugi, Pharaoh! ''[laughing]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Where is ''he!?'' Tell me! :'''Weevil''': I'm afraid the only way to find out is to duel me. so if you back down now, then you'll never see that little twerp again! :'''Yami Yugi''': Very well! Then let's duel! :'''Weevil''': ''[laughing]'' Wise choice, Pharaoh! ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' :'''Rex''': ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' I'm gonna enjoy this! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey Wheeler''': What did you do to my friends!? :'''Rex Raptor''': Nothing! Weevil's dealing with those two losers why I handled you two. :'''Tristan Taylor''': Weevil? So he's in on this train too. :'''Joey''': Rex, you guys pick the wrong side to join. :'''Rex''': Oh really? Well, we'll just see about that won't we. I've been given more power then you ever dreamed of! :'''Joey''': ''[growl]'' Look, Rex, not only can I duel circles around your sorry behind but you're half my size! So why don't you get out of my way before I step on you! :'''Rex''': Sorry, pal. I'm not going anywhere till we duel! So draw your cards and let's get it on, chump! I've got a duel to win! :'''Tristan''': Now what? :'''Joey''': ''[sighs]'' I warned them. Now let's trample this geek and then go find Yugi and Téa. :'''Tristan''': Good call. :'''Rex''': Oh yeah? You'll change your mind when ''I'' activate this card! :'''Joey and Tristan''': Huh? :'''Rex''': ''[snickers and holds up "The Seal of Orichalcos" card]'' Look familiar!? :'''Tristan''': The Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Joey''': Drop the card! That thing is evil, Rex. I'm telling ya, you have no idea what you're doing! :'''Rex''': You're not so tough now! Are you, Wheeler! ''[laughs and activates the card]'' :'''Joey''': ''He'' played it! :''[Joey and Tristan grunting and as Rex screams]'' :'''Tristan''': Aah! :'''Joey''': No, Tristan! :'''Rex''': Ahh! Ha Ha Ha! Now... That's what I call power. :'''Joey''': What was ''he'' thinking playing that! :'''Tristan''': Be careful, man! He just raised the stakes a this duel big time! Now who ever loses the game, loses their soul! :'''Joey''': Gee, Thanks for the reminder. :'''Rex''': Let's do this. It's payback time! :'''Joey''': Sorry, Rex. ''I'' won't duel ''you!'' :'''Rex''': You don't have much ''choice!'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Weevil Underwood''': I won’t keep you in suspense any longer! ''[snickers]'' It’s my move! ''[holds up "The Seal of Orichalcos" card]'' And I think I’ll play the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Yami Yugi''': Weevil, don’t be a fool! :'''Weevil Underwood''': What seems to be the problem, Pharaoh? You’ve played this card before, haven’t you? If I’m not mistaken, this is what you used to lock little Yugi away! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Looks like the battles are underway. :'''Rafael''': Yes, Master. And if all goes well, the soul of the Pharaoh will soon be yours. Of course, we win no matter what, because whatever the final outcome is, we get two souls. :'''Dartz''': ''[evilly snickers]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rex Raptor''': Are you gonna duel, Wheeler? or just stand there like a loser while I take you apart? :'''Joey Wheeler''': I got no choice. Alright I didn't wanna do this... But you got yourself a duel! :'''Tristan Taylor''': Are you sure? :'''Joey Wheeler''': It's the only way to save Yuge, so yes. :'''Rex Raptor''': Good answer. I've been waiting for this moment for years. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': ''[evilly snickers]'' It won't be long now. The soul of the Pharaoh is nearly in my grasp. After all we have the perfect bait. ''[evilly laughter]'' :''[To Be Continued...]'' ====Part 2==== :''[Joey and Rex were still dueling with Panther Warrior, the two Gilasaurus and Kaitoptera still on the field]'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': Dude, you've got three dinos breathing down your neck! You better think of something before you're extinct! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Gee, thanks. :'''Rex Raptor''': You're in way over your head! Thanks to the Seal of Orichalcos, I can never be beat, but enough talk! On with the Duel! ''[draws Polymerization from his Deck]'' It's showtime. First, I'll use Polymerization to combine my Gilasaurus with my Kaitoptera to form Horned Saurus! ''[Horned Saurus appears on the field]'' But you ain't seen nothing yet! Next I'll play Giant Rex! ''[Giant Rex also appears on the field]'' And the Seal of Orichalcos gives my Jurassic giants a power boost! ''[Horned Saurus' and Giant Rex's eyes glow red as the Seal of Orichalcos raises their attack by 500]'' Time to get prehistoric on you, Wheeler, by letting my ravenous meat-eaters chow down on your Life Points! My Horned Saurus is up first! Now, attack Wheeler directly! :'''Tristan Taylor''': How can he do that when you've got a monster on the field? :'''Rex Raptor''': Easy, Horned Saurus has a special ability that lets him bypass your monsters and go straight for your Life Points! Tough break. ''[Horned Saurus fires a shockwave blast on top of Joey, making Joey's Life Points drop to 1500]'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': That runt is kicking your butt! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Thanks for the help. You're a real pal. :'''Rex Raptor''': For my next trick, Giant Rex will make your Panther Warrior disappear! ''[Giant Rex attack and destroys Panther Warrior]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Be patient, Great Leviathan. Soon the soul of the Pharaoh shall be yours. ''[evil laughing]'' :'''Weevil''': ''[chucking]'' You’re about to pay the ultimate price, and I’ll be known as the duelist who dethroned the king of games! :''[To Be Continued...]'' ====Part 3==== :'''Yami Yugi''': My dragon! He abandoned me! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rex Raptor''': Please Save me! ''[screaming as the Oricalchos claims Rex's soul]'' :'''Joey Wheeler''': ''Sorry, Rex. It's the only way.'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': Rex! Come on, man wake up! I know you're in there somewhere so snap out of it. :'''Joey Wheeler''': It's no use, Tristan. The Orichalcos has him now. But I promise we'll get him back. As soon as we find Pegasus and Yugi. :'''Tristan Taylor''': Yeah, but how? :'''Joey Wheeler''': But first we gotta figured out where this Dartz guy hangs out. Find him, and we'll find them. YOU HEAR ME, DARTZ?! WE'RE COMING TO GET YOU! AND WE'RE NOT LEAVING WITHOUT OUR FRIENDS! ''[echoes]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Yami Yugi and Weevil's Duel is still underway with Breaker the Magical Warrior, Poison Butterfly and Armored Centipede on the field]'' :'''Weevil Underwood''': I'll tell you what. Because I feel sorry for you, I'd be willing to do you a little favor before you lose. I have a card in my pocket I think you'd like to see. I can't wait to see the look on your face! ''[laughs hysterically]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[snarls]'' ''Weevil!'' :'''Weevil Underwood''': Relax, Pharaoh, I'm just trying to be nice. It's the least I can do to repay you for ruining my life. You wanna see Yugi, right? ''[the flashback cuts in]'' His spirit is trapped, deep in the caverns of Dartz's lair, and I know how to set him free! ''[cuts back to the present]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Tell me how to save him right now! :'''Weevil Underwood''': ''[laughs]'' Very well. In order to release his soul, you'll need a special card. ''[takes out a Gokibore card out of his pocket]'' And I've got it right here. :'''Yami Yugi''': What?! Then hand it to me now! :'''Weevil Underwood''': That's not a nice way to ask! Why don't you try saying, "Pretty please, with sugar on top"? ''[Yami Yugi walks short, but realizes that Weevil was bluffing]'' Oh, well, too late! So it looks like I'll have to teach you a lesson in manners! Now say goodbye! ''[rips the Gokibore card in half]'' Yugi's gone FOREVER! ''[Yami Yugi, having witnessed Weevil rip the card, suddenly erupts into an uncontrollable rage]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[roars ferociously]'' '''NO!''' :'''Weevil Underwood''': ''[laughing]'' :'''Tea Gardner''': ''[in tears]'' No. Poor Yugi. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[furiously]'' You snake! :'''Weevil Underwood''': ''[laughs]'' Don’t you know a joke when you hear one? I tore up a useless bug card. :'''Tea Gardner''': Huh? ''[anger]'' Weevil, That’s not very funny! :'''Weevil Underwood''': You people have no sense of humour! :'''Yami Yugi''': You'll pay for that! You hear me, Weevil!? :'''Weevil Underwood''': Ha! Huh? :'''Yami Yugi''': You'll pay dearly! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Weevil Underwood''': ''[thinking]'' Yugi's been planning this all along! :'''Yami Yugi''': It's the beginning of the end for you! ''[draws a monster card from his Deck]'' I've drawn Queen's Knight! ''[discards Queen's Knight to the Graveyard]'' And since it's a monster, my warrior can attack! Go! ''[Breaker attacks Weevil's Life Points, making them go to 700]'' Now, for my next card! ''[draws Gazelle the King of Mythical Beasts]'' Looks like you're out of luck. Attack again! ''[Breaker makes a second attack at Weevil, making Weevil's Life Points drop to 0]'' I draw again! ''[draws Big Shield Gardna]'' Another monster! ''[Breaker delivers the third blow to Weevil]'' This just isn't your day! ''[draws Alpha the Magnet Warrior and Breaker attacks Weevil while Tea tearfully witnesses the moment]'' Breaker, attack him again! ''[Breaker delivers the last blow to Weevil, just as the Oricalchos claims Weevil's soul]'' Let's see. ''[draws Dark Magician Girl]'' Oh, well... :'''Tea Gardner''': ''[rushes to Yami Yugi in tears]'' Please, Pharaoh! No more! :'''Yami Yugi''': Let me go! :'''Tea Gardner''': You can stop now. It's over. You've already won the duel. The Seal of Oricalchos is gone. We have to put an end to all this. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''Tea's right'', ''[holds Dark Magician Girl card]'' ''I have a promise to keep.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': So many souls, so little time. The Great Leviathan is growing impatient. I must supply him with the power he needs to awaken… and for that, I need the soul of the Pharaoh. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Tell me where Yugi is! :'''Tea Gardner''': Pharaoh... It's no use. You won. So the Seal of Oricalcos took Weevil away. Pharaoh? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': No! I need him alive! ===''Self Destruction'' [4.19]=== :''[after the train derails and falling off the cliffs a passenger car on the river, at Dartz's lair Dartz not happy]'' :'''Dartz''': ''[stands up]'' Somehow I've lost contact with the Pharaoh. :'''Rafael''': Maybe he didn't survive the fall. :'''Dartz''': He did. However, Something or someone is hiding him from my vision. :'''Rafael''': Then let me be your eyes, Master. I'll track him down and make up for my failure. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Chris''': ''[offscreen]'' Skye! Get back here! Skye! ''[appeared enter the tent]'' That's no way to treat our guests. ''[to Pharaoh and Téa]'' Sorry if she woke you up. :'''Yami Yugi''': Who are you? How did you find us? :'''Chris''': You can call me Chris. ''[giggles]'' And you've already met Skye. She's the one that found you. She was sniffing around for food and ended up sniffing out you guys instead. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Ironheart''': I see your strength is back. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes, Thank you. :'''Ironheart''': Pleased to hear it. You two had me worried. By the way, the name is Ironheart, and I believe this belongs to you. Pardon me for being intrusive... But I couldn't help noticing you possess the legendary Eye of Timaeus... The only one of it's kind. :'''Yami Yugi''': Take it. I'm not deserving of it's power. :'''Téa Gardner''': That's not true. :'''Ironheart''': I'll hold it until you're ready. :'''Téa Gardner''': Did you find another kid? He had glasses and a bad haircut? He was on the train with us it crashed. :'''Ironheart''': No, I'm afraid you were the only ones we found. Perhaps your friend was able to escape before the train fell off that cliff. I assure you, there wasn't another soul on board. :'''Yami Yugi''': I highly doubt Weevil was able to escape. Not in the condition he was in. I'm afraid there's a greater power at work here. :'''Ironheart''': I must say, young man. You seem to possess a wisdom that reaches far beyond your years. Now, I've encountered many people in my travels... but there's something about you i've never seen before... something in your eyes. I'm also sensing that you hold a great deal of loneliness in your heart. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's because I recently lost a very close friend of mine. His name is Yugi Muto. And now... I'm on a journey to find his soul. :'''Ironheart''': What will you do if you find him? :'''Yami Yugi''': I’ll apologize for betraying his trust and abandoning him. :'''Ironheart''': Hmm. I might just be able to help. Follow me. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Rafael jumps on the rail carriage after the train falls off the cliff looking for the Pharaoh.]'' :'''Rafael''': Hey, Pharaoh! You in there or not!? How did he escape? ''[looks at the mountain]'' I'LL FIND YOU, PHARAOH, WHEREVER YOU ARE! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi Muto''': Is that really you? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi! :'''Tea''': Hey, It's him! :'''Yami Yugi''': I've found you! Hmm? :'''Yugi''': You came all this way just to see me? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes of course, I just want you to say how sorry I am. :'''Yugi''': I'm sorry too, I wish this whole thing never happened. :'''Yami Yugi''': It's my fault. I surrendered to my inner darkness. I allowed my anger to take over and you paid the price. But now that you're gone, The darkness is starting to grow without your light to keep me pure... I'm becoming evil, Yugi. I'm beginning to believe that what Rafael said about me is true. Perhaps I was a [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|wicked pharaoh]]. ''[Flashes back to their first duel, Rafael told Pharaoh heard about the Pharaoh are the one responsible for the destroy Egypt.]'' What if I am the one responsible for the destruction of Egypt? If I'm capable of such horrific behavior then it's my soul that should be locked away. :'''Yugi''': Well, What good is that now!? ''I'm'' the one who's been locked away forever, Not ''you''! :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm sorry? :'''Yugi''': Well, The last thing I need is your pity, Pharaoh! If You're really evil there's only thing to do. :'''Yami Yugi''': What are you saying? :'''Yugi''': ''[has chaos duel disk on his arm]'' You said it yourself, Didn't you? Your spirit should be locked away with mine. ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' And I'm gonna do it. :'''Yami Yugi''': Wait! You misunderstood me! :'''Yugi''': Oh, So now you're taking back what you said!? Make up your mind! ''You'' don't deserve to be a part of this world! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[shocked]'' Yugi. :'''Yugi''': It's about time you started taking some responsibility for what you've done! There's only one thing left to do and you know it! You need to be a man for once and face me in a duel now! :'''Yami Yugi''': No please. :'''Yugi''': Too late! It's time for you to pay! If you're really sorry then you'll do this! It's time to duel! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tea''': Wait, So he's gonna duel himself. But why? :'''Ironheart''': This is the only way. :'''Tea''': Huh? :'''Chris''': That's why we took you guys here. So the pharaoh can face his other half. He has to deal with what he did so he can put it all behind him and finally move on. :'''Tea''': How do you know all this stuff? :'''Chris''': We've always known this. We were taught that a warrior would come to save our world. And as soon as we found you guys, We knew that he was the one. :'''Tea''': So, what's he supposed to do now? :'''Ironheart''': His first step is to face his inner fears and conquer the darkness that lurks within his heart. But if he loses this battle, The pharaoh's spirit will remain here forever. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Why are ''you'' acting like this?! :'''Yugi''': I'm just a reflection of ''you''! :'''Yami Yugi''': What do you mean, Yugi!? :'''Yugi''': You don't get it, do you? You and I are exactly the same. So the darkness that's in your heart... is also inside my heart. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi, I wish I could take it back. :'''Yugi''': Too late! You've already shown me who you really are an evil pharaoh who cares only about himself! Face the Facts! ''You'' didn't care what happened to me so long as you had power! Now it's my turn! :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi, wait! Are you holding the card I think you are!? :'''Yugi''': It's sounds like your starting to catch on aren't you, your highness? This duel is a chance for you to look at yourself from the outside. And there's only one card that can make that happen... The Seal of Orichalcos. :'''Yami Yugi''': Huh!? Yugi, no! ''[gasps]'' :'''Yugi''': Now it's pay back time, For taken my soul! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi… Don’t do this! Snap out of it! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': YUGI NO! I won't let you do this! ''[screaming]'' '''STOP!''' I ACTIVATE THE TRAP CARD... DIVINE WIND! :'''Yugi''': He did it! He was able to reverse my attack and double its strength to win the duel! :''[blast on Yugi and he screams and making his Life Points drop to 0]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': What have I done!? Yugi! :'''Yugi''': ''[groaning]'' :'''Tea Gardner''': Is he alright? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi! ''[running towards Yugi]'' Come on! ''[holds his body]'' Speak to me, Please! :'''Yugi''': You passed the test, pal. :'''Yami Yugi''': What are you taking about, Yugi? Did you plan this all along? :'''Yugi''': It was the only way. By defeating me you were able to defeat the darkness that was inside your heart. It wasn’t easy, But you did what was best for me and for mankind. You acted like a true hero. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[in tears]'' But now what? What can I do? :'''Yugi''': Don't give up this fight. Remember... I'm aways with you. ''[disappears]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[gasps see Yugi disappears]'' I'll save you! No matter what it takes. ===''Reliving the Past'' [4.20]=== :'''Téa''': Seems like the Pharaoh's in pretty bad shape down there. :'''Ironheart''': Of course. There's still a hole in his heart has Yet to be filled. :'''Téa''': ''[worried; thinking]'' Poor, guy. He still blames himself for what happened to Yugi. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[cries in tears after the duel with Yugi]'' Yugi, If it weren’t for me, You'd still be here. I'll never forgive myself. ''[Flashes back to their [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|last duel as the Seal took Yugi instead]].]'' Mark my words! I won't rest you until I get you back! Uhh! It's not fair! I should be locked away! Not you! I’m the one ''who'' played that evil card! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Meet Orichalcos Gigas! Attack the Pharaoh! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': I've got you right where I what you, Pharaoh. ''[evilly chuckle]'' :''[Rafael watches the Pharaoh and the Orichalcos soldier were still dueling with Obnoxious Celtic Guardian and Orichalcos Gigas still on the field]'' :'''Rafael''': Let's see you get yourself outta this. :'''Tea Gardner''': He's about to lose! :'''Ironheart''': There is but one thing that can save him. :'''Chris''': The card he gave you? :'''Ironheart''': Mmm. ''[grabs the card]'' The Eye of Timaeus. The creature that fought by my side so long ago. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': ''[spots at Ironheart]'' Who is that? :'''Ironheart''': Pharaoh! Take this card! :'''Yami Yugi''': Ironheart!? :'''Dartz''': You've disrupted my plans for the last time, old man. :''[lightning bolt strikes on Ironheart]'' :'''Ironheart''': AAH! :'''Yami Yugi''': IRONHEART! NO! :'''Chris''': GRANDFATHER! :'''Ironheart''': ''[groaning and collapses and holds up "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' Please take this card from me. It's the only way to defeat the beast. :''[Orichalcos blocks the Pharaoh on the field]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': I can't get out! :'''Chris''': Grandpa! :'''Ironheart''': It's up to you. :'''Chris''': What do you mean, Gramps? :'''Ironheart''': ''[groaning]'' Take this... and bring it to the Pharaoh. ''[Chris grab "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' Otherwise, All hope is lost. Good luck. ''[disappears]'' :'''Chris''': ''[gasps, sees her grandfather disappears in tears]'' No, Grandpa! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Please, Chris, Turn back! It's far too dangerous! :'''Chris''': ''[running, holds up "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' Pharaoh, My Grandpa want you to have this! ''[lightning bolt strikes on Chris]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': NO! :'''Chris''': ''[screaming]'' AAAAAHHHH! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Chris, No! :'''Chris''': ''[gasping]'' Pharaoh... ''[holds up "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' Take this... please. :'''Yami Yugi''': What is it? :'''Chris''': ''[groaning]'' It's the only thing that can stop him. It saved us once... and with your help it can save us again. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[grab and hold the card]'' The Eye of Timaeus. :'''Chris''': ''[smile and eyes closed]'' I trust you, Pharaoh. Thank you. ''[disappears]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[see Chris disappears]'' Hold on! Come back! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': There's only one thing left to do, ''[looks at "The Eye of Timaeus" card]'' I hope you deem me worthy of your power, ''[close his eyes]'' I’m truly sorry for having betrayed you. But the lives are so many innocent people are getting hurt and depending on you, So I asked you not for myself, But for all those at risk. Please help me, Timaeus. The future of two worlds hangs in the balance, ''[open his eyes]'' we must win! No matter what. ''[draws Dark Magician Girl card]'' Now I sacrifice my Celtic Guardian in order to summon Dark Magician Girl! ''[summons Dark Magician Girl]'' Next I'll play... The legendary Eye of Timaeus! :'''Dartz''': He'll never learn. :'''Rafael''': ''[surprised]'' I don't believe it. He should never have been able to summon that dragon! :'''Yami Yugi''': Dark Magician Girl, fuse with Timaeus, forming Dark Magician Girl the dragon knight! Next, I'll enhance your strength with my Excalibur magic card! Attack! Destroy his creature of darkness! ''[Timaeus fire blast and Dark Magician Girl rise the sword and blast on the Orichalcos Gigas and the Orichalcos Soldier Blasting light]'' YOU HEAR ME, DARTZ?! I'M COMING TO GET YOU! AND I'M NOT LEAVING WITHOUT MY FRIENDS! ''[echoes]'' :'''Dartz''': ''[thinking]'' This isn't over, Pharaoh. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey Wheeler''': I'm assuming you see that gigantic green sunset over there, right? :'''Tristan Taylor''': What do you think it is? :'''Joey''': Hmm? ''[holds "The Claw of Hermos" card glowing]'' I'm guessing it's got something to do with this. Let's just hope Téa and the Pharaoh are alright. Come on! ''[ran off]'' :'''Tristan''': Hey, Wait! It's your turn to carry Rex! ''[ran off to followed Joey]'' I know you can hear me! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[to Timaeus and Dark Magician Girl]'' Well done, my creatures. He's gone now. Thanks to you two. But I feel this is just the beginning. :'''Rafael''': I have to say I'm glad you won, Pharaoh. 'Cause now I can be the one who delivers your soul to Master Dartz. ''[walks away]'' :''[Tea spots at Ironheart, Chris and Skye along with the three legendary dragons in stone]'' :'''Tea Gardner''': Wait. That's a carving of Ironheart, Chris and Skye from 10,000 years ago? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes. :'''Tea Gardner''': So you mean to tell me that those guys were just ghosts or something? :'''Yami Yugi''': They're spirits who once fought a great war, and now they've been captured by Dartz. ''[Tea stands up then she and the Pharaoh turns around and walks away]'' This gives me three more reasons to hunt down this madman and bring peace to the world once again. ===''Deck of Armor'' [4.21]=== :'''Yami Yugi''': Take my hand. We're back where we left off. :'''Téa''': Nice. Now all we have to do is follow those railway tracks. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's right. If all goes well, they should lead us straight to Tristan and Joey. assuming they haven't wandered off. :'''Téa''': They better be there. We have to do what we set out to do. Figure out where this Dartz creep hangs out so we can set free everyone he captured. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes, Téa. I only wish it were that easy. :'''Téa''': And remind me never to get on the train again. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Inside Paradius headquarters Mai at the meeting room with Dartz, Valon, Rafael, and Alister after Joey defeats Rex Raptor at the middle of nowhere on the railway line]'' :'''Mai Valentine''': Just leave Joey Wheeler to me. :'''Rafael''': You'll do nothing until Master Dartz gives you an assignment. :'''Mai Valentine''': What is this, Third grade? I decide who I'm gonna duel for myself. I don't wait for the homework assignment. :'''Rafael''': Why don't you show a little respect? :'''Alister''': Come on, Raf, as if little miss loud mouth knows respect? :'''Mai Valentine''': What did you call me? :'''Rafael''': Relax. :'''Mai Valentine''': Look, I was doing perfectly fine until Johnny stuntman over there stepped in. If it wasn't for you, I would a won. As for you, I don't need some scrawny freak dictating my every move! I'm out of here, losers! ''[opens the door]'' Humph! ''[walks off alone]'' :'''Dartz''': Just let her go, Valon. :'''Valon''': Hmm? :'''Dartz''': She can try to run away from fate, But in the end she'll get what she deserves. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': I know you’re deep down you feel the way I do, Mai. :'''Mai''': What? :'''Valon''': That’s why we found each other. You’re just like me… Lonely and misunderstood. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Duke Devlin''': ''[driving]'' Should we have left so soon? :'''Rebecca Hawkins''': Of course. Time is running out. We have to catch up with the others now. ''[inside the caravan, Arthur was asleep]'' Besides, Gramps can get just as much rest on the road. Plus, we can't translate those ancient ruins without his help, Duke. :'''Duke''': Huh? ''[spots at Valon with Mai Valentine]'' Hey Rebecca, look, It's Mai Valentine. But what's she doing here? Wait a sec! That guy... ''[Flashes back to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|Joey and Mai's first duel]], Duke saw Valon next to Rafael watching Mai against Joey]'' I recognize him. He's one of those biker punks that brainwashed Mai. ''[cuts back to the present]'' He works for Dartz. :'''Rebecca''': Stop the car, Duke! :'''Duke''': Rebecca! Hold on! We’re dealing with a lunatic here! :'''Rebecca''': Alright, Tell me what you did with Yugi?! You guys had no right to take ''him!'' :'''Valon''': Sorry, kid, Never heard of him. :'''Rebecca''': Well, maybe this’ll refresh your memory! I win, You talk! ''[Puts on her KC mass production duel disk rises and activates]'' Let’s duel! :'''Duke''': No, Rebecca! It’s too dangerous! :'''Rebecca''': ''[puts her deck on the duel disk]'' I’ll be fine. I’ve dueled tougher opponents than this. So what are you say, punk? Do we have a deal or not? :'''Valon''': You can’t be serious, kid. :'''Mai''': Here’s your big chance. Why don’t you show me your stuff. :'''Rebecca''': Let’s go. I don’t have all day. :'''Valon''': Well, why not? She could use a lesson in manners and I got five minutes to kill. Plus I can sho off a few of my new dueling strategies. Alright. You talked me into it, mate. Let’s have a go. :'''Duke''': Hold on! ''[activates his KC mass production duel disk]'' If you dueling her then you'll dueling me too, tough guy! ''[puts his deck on the duel disk]'' :'''Valon''': Peachy. Then I’ll take both of you blokes on. Ha. ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' Pay attention, Mai. This is for you. :'''Duke''': Remember, Rebecca, don’t let him play the seal of Orichalcos. :'''Rebecca''': Got it. :'''Valon, Duke and Rebecca''': Let’s duel! <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :''[Valon defeats Rebecca Hawkins and Duke Devlin in their duel.]'' :'''Rebecca''': Fine, You won. Now leave us alone. :'''Duke''': Get lost. :'''Valon''': Very well then, I gotta message for Joey Wheeler, tell that punk he's next. ''[laughing, then spots at Mai hops on her motorcycle]'' Where are you going, Mai. :'''Mai''': I told you, I worked alone! ''[droves off]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Téa, do you see what I see? :'''Téa''': You mean all those weird lights? :'''Yami Yugi''': I fear it’s the great beast. The same thing happened when it emerged the first time. ''[thinking]'' ''We’re running out of time.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Yes, Great Leviathan. Keep feeding, my child. You’re almost ready. ''[evilly chuckling]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Inside the KaibaCorp Airplane where Seto and Mokuba sitting on the seat]'' :'''Mokuba Kaiba''': You think it’s true, Seto? I mean, could Yugi really have lost to one of Alister's partners in a duel? And does that mean he’s trapped somewhere now? :'''Seto Kaiba''': It just means Yugi’s not as perfect as everyone thinks he is, and he’s not worth my time. We’ve got more important things to do. ===''Flight of Fear'' [4.22-23]=== ====Part 1==== :''[Kaiba and Alister's rematch duel begins]'' :'''Alister''': As the challenger, I'll start! And I'll summon my Science Soldier in defense mode! That's all for now. :'''Seto''': How pathetic. My move! I summon X-Head Cannon in attack mode! Now, X-Head Cannon, attack! Looks like you're defenseless. :'''Mokuba''': ''[worried; thinking]'' If Alister plays that Seal of Orichalcos, Seto's in big trouble! :'''Alister''': No big deal. Watch this! I play Cyber Soldier of Dark World. And next, I'll place one card facedown and end my turn. :'''Seto''': What a joke! My move! I summon Y-Dragon Head in attack mode! Attack his Cyber Soldier of Dark World, now! And now, X-Head Cannon, attack his Life Points directly! :'''Mokuba''': ''[thinking]'' Alister's making this too easy. :'''Seto''': I think that's just about enough punishment for now. I end my turn. ''[sets a card facedown]'' :'''Alister''': You sound pretty confident, Kaiba, but you'll change your tune. You've been so pretty occupied with your own monsters, you forgot what I have waiting in my deck. I guess I'll have to remind you. It's the card I used on you last time and it changes the entire playing field! :'''Seto''': ''[realizes]'' Hold it! Did you just draw what I think you did, Alister?! ''[turns to Mokuba]'' Mokuba, GET BACK! :'''Alister''': ''[raises the card up in his hand which is The Seal of Orichalcos]'' I activate the Seal of Orichalcos! ''[laughs as the Seal of Orichalcos grows the circle which engulfs the room and knocks Mokuba away from it's boundary]'' :'''Seto''': Mokuba! ''[beams of green light shoot out of the plane and as Alister screams, the plane's controls end up being sabotaged, including the autopilot]'' This can't be real! ''[The Seal of Orichalcos rises Kaiba and Alister up to the top of the plane]'' What's going on, Alister? :'''Alister''': ''[with his eyes glowing red]'' I just needed some air, that's all. <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> ====Part 2==== <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Man''': Master Dartz, I've just received word from our business division. :'''Dartz''': Yes, go on. :'''Man''': The Takeover was a success. Congratulations, Master. Kaiba Corp now belongs to you. ===''Paradise Found'' [4.24]=== <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': I got the images, And my grandpa's looking them over now. :'''Yami Yugi''': Good. Let's meet up as soon as possible. Oh, And one more thing… I'm sorry. :'''Arthur Hawkins''': Rebecca, You can't blame the Pharaoh for what happened to Yugi. :'''Rebecca''': ''[looks at her grandfather worried]'' Huh? :'''Arthur''': There's far too much at stake for hurting his feelings. You must be so hard on him. Right now, We're all fighting a common enemy. And this data may be our only hope. :'''Rebecca''': ''[sadly]'' You're right. :'''Arthur''': Pharaoh, The quality of the images is much worse then I thought. Unless we clear up these photos I won’t be able to read much at all. :'''Seto Kaiba''': Set a course for Kaiba Corporation headquarters immediately. :'''Tristan''': Dude, are you nuts. :'''Tea''': Dartz and his gang must’ve taken over the place by now. :'''Seto Kaiba''': The only way we can process these images fast enough is by using computer system, so we have no choice. :'''Joey''': Say what?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Kaiba has a good point, Joey. :'''Joey''': He does? :'''Yami Yugi''': First, they took Pegasus away… and now they’ve taken over Kaiba's company. Which means we've got to stop these criminals before they make their next move, and we have no time to lose! :'''Seto Kaiba''': Wow… You're more hung ho than I expected. You know, since you lost your title and all. :'''Yami Yugi''': Kaiba, this fight is about so much more than a mere championship dueling title. Don’t you see!? People are getting hurt and the world's in danger! :'''Seto Kaiba''': Hmm. Blah, blah, blah. Don’t you get tired of making the same speech every time you’re faced with a challenge? Stop saving the world and get a hobby. :'''Yami Yugi''': Rebecca, we’ll meet you two at the pier. :'''Rebecca''': 10-4 we’ll see you there. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': Master Dartz. :'''Dartz''': Take a look, Rafael. Your friend wasn't careful. :'''Rafael''': ''[spots at Alister in stone]'' Alister. :'''Dartz''': Don't sound so displeased. He's better off where he is now. Alister's energy, along with our other prisoners', will fuel the great beast. The Pharaoh and his friends will be arriving shortly. I trust you'll give them a warm welcome, Hmm. :'''Rafael''': He won't escaped me this time. <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Seto Kaiba''': ''[to Roland and Fuguta sent a soulless Alister and soulless Rex Raptor to the Hospital]'' Take those two to the medical center. I'm feeling generous. :'''Roland and Fuguta''': Right. :''[The KaibaCorp helicopter takes off to take Alister and Rex to the Hospital.]'' :'''Mokuba Kaiba''': Good luck, guys. :'''Joey Wheeler''': Stay safe. :'''Yami Yugi''': Professor, I'm glad you're alright. :'''Joey''': Me too. Hey, hows was the road trip, guys? :'''Duke''': Could a been better. We hit a pretty big snag on the way. :'''Joey''': Flat tire? :'''Duke''': We ran into Mai and one of those freaks. The one that jumped in and ended your duel. :'''Joey''': That jerk. :'''Duke''': He's really got it in for you, man. and I'm afraid Mai's still on their side too. :'''Joey''': Grr. Just wait until ''I'' find him! :'''Rebecca''': Hey, any word yet on Yugi? We have to find him. If you don't get him back, I'll never forgive you. Plus we need him to fight these guys! :'''Yami Yugi''': I miss Yugi, too. and I promise I will rescue him. You have word. But I need to pay a little visit to KaibaCorp first. :'''Rebecca''': Let me come with you! You'll need some tech support. :'''Seto Kaiba''': Ha! This Isn't some kind of field trip, kid. But I guess you can tag along if you want. :'''Rebecca''': I'm no kid! :'''Seto Kaiba''': Whatever you say, kid. I don't know about you geeks. But I have a company to save. So whoever's coming with me, let's move. :'''Mokuba Kaiba''': OK. :'''Tea''': Good luck and be careful. :'''Yami Yugi''': Right. :'''Tristan''': Alright, Tea. We better tell the police what's going on. The way this is heading we're gonna need all the help we can get. :'''Tea''': Yeah, good point. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Policeman 1''': Why don't you start over and this time try telling the truth? :'''Tea''': Don't you understand? That is the truth. There's a motorcycle gang going around stealing people's souls with a magic card. :'''Policeman 1''': Ha! You kids watched too many cartoons. :'''Tristan''': We're serious. These guys are trying to take over the whole world. :'''Policeman 2''': Really... Tell me something young man... this so called "gang"... do they wear a symbol like this! <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Here I come you creeps! :'''Rebecca''': Hey! Whoa! :'''Duke''': Get back here, Joey! Come on, man, we need a plan first! <hr width="50%"/> <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': This is Valon, Go ahead. :'''Rafael''': ''[on radio]'' The Pharaoh's friends are heading your way. :'''Valon''': Good, Then is time for me to show Joey Wheeler who's boss. :'''Rafael''': Valon, wait! :''[Valon turns off the radio and hops on the motorcycle droves off on the way back to the city]'' :'''Valon''': ''I gotta prove me-self to Mai.'' :''[Tristan and Tea saw Joey was running in the streets in the middle of the night]'' :'''Tristan''': Look, Here comes Joey! :'''Tea''': And there he goes. :'''Tristan''': Hey! Come back! You're going the wrong way! :'''Tea''': He's heading straight for the zombie patrol. :'''Tristan''': Go warn the others, Tea! I gotta stop him! ''[rans off]'' :'''Tea''': Tristan! :'''Joey''': ''I'm coming for you, Dartz and I'm not leaving without Yugi and Mai!'' :''[To Be Continued...]'' ===''Fighting for a Friend'' [4.25-29]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Tristan Taylor''': Joey, Come back! I'm wearing the wrong shoes for this! Joey, stop! :'''Joey Wheeler''': ''[stops and spots at the Orichalcos soldier]'' What's that?! :'''Tristan''': Uh, Joey. :'''Joey''': Yeah? :'''Tristan''': Maybe we should start running again. :'''Joey and Tristan''': ''[screaming]'' :'''Tristan''': Hey, stop! :'''Young guy''': You ever here looking both ways?! ''[droves off]'' :'''Tristan''': Hey, Hold on! :'''Joey''': You're going the wrong way! :'''Tristan''': Turn back! :'''Young guy''': ''[spots at the Orichalcos soldier]'' Whoa! Mommy! ''[falls off the motorcycle]'' It's just a dream... It's just a dream. ''[whimping and running away]'' :'''Joey''': See ya! ''[he and Tristan runs off as the Orichalcos soldier chases them]'' We've never out run this thing! :'''Tristan''': Joey! :''[Joey punches the Orichalcos soldier but then it shatters]'' :'''Tristan''': You beat him. :'''Joey''': ''[spots at Valon]'' Actually, I think he did. Hold on! I know you! [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|You're the ''one'' that took Mai!]] :'''Valon''': Right you are, mate! ''[droves turns around away]'' :'''Joey''': Hey! Come back! ''[runs after Valon]'' :'''Tristan''': Joey, Not again! Come back! :'''Joey''': ''[notices a motorcycle]'' This will do the trick. ''[puts the helmet on]'' Now... ''[picks up the motorcycle and hops on]'' Time to chase him down and save Mai! ''[droves off to chase Valon.]'' :'''Tristan''': Are you nuts?! ''[confused]'' I guess so. He's riding right into a trap. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': ''[chucking]'' Keep fighting, my soldiers. We must continue to collect the souls of man and beast, Until we have amassed enough power to rebuild Atlantis. ''[evil laughing]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Meanwhile Tristan was running a middle of the streets looking for Joey.]'' :'''Tristan''': Joey! Where are you?! ''[Mai’s motorcycle light appears towards him]'' Is that you Joey? :'''Mai Valentine''': ''[takes her bike helmet off]'' Not quite but I am looking for him. :'''Tristan''': Look, Mai… :'''Mai''': Save it, Dweeb! ''I'' know ''you’re'' his babysitter so where is ''he?!'' :'''Tristan''': How should ''I know?!'' One of ''your'' little pals forced him into a game of ''cat and mouse'' and now ''he's'' gone! :'''Mai''': ''[gasps]'' It’s Valon! :'''Tristan''': This is all your fault, Mai! ''[Mai puts her helmet on]'' ''You’re'' the one who got Joey into this mess in the first place! :'''Mai''': Out of my way! ''[drove off]'' :'''Tristan''': Hey! '''Get back here!''' The last thing ''he'' needs right now is '''''you!''''' ''[Mai ignores him and he growls]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': Here we are, old chum. Glad you could make it. Now let's get down to business, shall we? :'''Joey Wheeler''': Look, pal I want Mai back. :'''Valon''': Then why chase me? She happens to have a mind of her own, you know. :'''Joey Wheeler''': ''She'' did. At least... ''She'' did before ''you'' guys brainwashed ''her!'' :'''Valon''': You don't get it, mate. No one was brainwashed! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Huh? :'''Valon''': Mai chose to join ''our'' side with her own free will. And do you want to know why? She was sick of taking a back seat while you got all the fame! Then I stepped in and changed all that. :'''Joey Wheeler''': You messed with her head, that's what you did! She was the one of my best friends! But the last time I saw her she was saying things that Mai never would have said. :''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#My_Freaky_Valentine|he and Mai's duel she chose to join Dartz's team]] flashback ends.]'' :'''Valon''': Wake up, Wheeler! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Who do you think you are!? and what do you what with me? You better start Explain yourself, now!? :'''Valon''': Okay, look, the name's Valon, I led you here to get rid of you for good, 'cause Mai ''can't'' be happy with you around! :'''Joey Wheeler''': Huh? and what does that mean? :'''Valon''': You're a constant reminder of what here life used to be, and Mai whats to forget all that! But as long as you still exist in this world, she be never be able to forget! So, I'm here to erase you for good! ''[thinking]'' ''Plus, I know that deep down, Mai still loves you. and I can't have that!'' So, what do you say, Wheeler? Do we have ourselves a duel or not? Not that I'm giving you much of a choice! ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' :'''Joey Wheeler''': You know what, Valon, I never back down from a challenge especially when I'm fighting for a friend! Now let's duel! ''[their life points to 4000, Joey and Valon's duel begins]'' You're going down, My move. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': ''[panting]'' All right. I'm officially lost. ''[panting]'' Phew. I guess I can pretty much forget about finding Joey now. ''[but the Orichalcos soldier behind him]'' Huh? ''[Orichalcos soldier roaring]'' AHHH! YOU AGAIN?! ''[gulp]'' Hi, remember me? :'''Duke''': Huh? ''[stop the car]'' Tristan! :'''Mokuba''': What's going on? :'''Tea''': Maybe we should get someone else behind the wheel. :'''Duke''': Tristan needs our help, Look! :'''Tea''': ''[looks at Tristan with Orichalcos soldier]'' Oh no! :'''Tristan''': Come on! I’m taking whatever you got! :'''Yami Yugi''': Go, Celtic Guardian! :''[Celtic Guardian attacks Orichalcos soldier]'' :'''Tristan''': Huh? :'''Yami Yugi/Téa/Rebecca''': Tristan! :'''Duke''': Hey! Are you alright?! :'''Tristan''': Huh? ''[sees The Pharaoh, Téa, Duke and Rebecca running towards him]'' Thanks, Pharaoh. You came in the nick of time. Of course, I could have taken him myself. :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm afraid the only thing that would have been taken is your soul had we arrived any later. :'''Tristan''': I know, so those things are working for Dartz. :'''Téa''': Hey, Where's Joey? I thought you guys were together? :'''Tristan''': We were, Until he decided to hop on some guy's motorcycle and take off after one of Dartz's little flunkies. :'''Duke''': ''[shocked]'' You're kidding! :'''Rebecca''': Oh no! Was it Valon? :'''Tristan''': Who? :'''Duke''': It's Valon. He's the young guy that Rebecca and I dueled. :'''Téa''': Is that a bad thing? :'''Rebecca''': Not only does [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Deck of Armor|Valon have a thing against Joey]], but he's got a deck full of monsters I've never seen before. :'''Yami Yugi''': Let's go. We have to find Joey before it's too late. :'''Seto Kaiba''': That chump's gonna have to wait 'cause we've got bigger problems. :'''Yami Yugi''': What do you mean? :'''Seto Kaiba''': Look around you! ====Part 2==== :'''Joey Wheeler''': No, Not that! :'''Valon''': Well, looks like you're starting to catch on, mate. I play the Seal of Orichalcos! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': We’re just getting started. By the end of this duel, you’ll be begging for mercy. Then your old buddy Mai will see what a pathetic chump you really are, and hopefully she’ll realize why she walked out on you in the first place so she can move on already! :'''Joey''': Watch it, Valon! :'''Valon''': Look, mate… All I’m watching out for is myself! And right now, the best thing for me is to get rid of you! 'Cause as long as you’re around, Mai's gonna be obsessed with dueling you. :'''Joey''': Hmm? :'''Valon''': That’s right. Since your last duel, all she talks about is a rematch. But I can’t let Mai put herself in that kind of danger again… So I got to you first. You see Wheeler, I’m not such a bad guy. We both what the same thing. We want Mai to be happy. :'''Joey''': Come on, Valon… Get real. Ha. If you really wanted Mai to be happy… You wouldn’t have brainwashed her in the first place! :'''Valon''': I told you, ''She'' chose to join us! :'''Joey''': No way! I know Mai, and ''she'' never would have walked out on us like that. Not unless someone messed with her head! And if you asked me, This Dartz guy is messing with all of your ''heads!'' :'''Valon''': Hmm? :'''Joey''': That orichalcos card ''he'' gave you has evil magic in it, and it makes everyone who holds it go nuts! :'''Valon''': Are you done? If you are, then allow me to tell you the truth. That orichalcos card did more for Mai than you ever could. She was weak, and it made her strong! She was lost, and it showed her the way! :''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|Dartz joins Mai to part of Doma organization]], Dartz welcoming Mai.]'' :'''Dartz''': Welcome to our family, Miss Valentine. Now go, and remember the Orichcalos is always with you. :''[Mai went to see Valon outside]'' :'''Valon''': So, how's it feel? You've got what you always wanted. :'''Mai''': Look, I appreciate you taking me here... ''[holds up "The Seal of Orichalcos" card]'' But don't think this means I owe you anything. :'''Valon''': What? :'''Mai''': I do things my way. And I have no interest in being part of some team, Valon. I already made that mistake once and you know where it got me?Absolutely Nowhere. So, no, thanks. :'''Valon''': ''[chuckles]'' I know what you mean. You and I are exactly the same, Valentine. :'''Mai''': Hmm? :'''Valon''': We're both loners. But you have to admit... Sometimes it's not all that fun. :''[Then [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#The_Creator_Returns|After she tooked Pegasus' soul]], she has a long face]''. :'''Valon''': Why the long face, Mai? You just accomplished your first mission with flying colors. :'''Mai''': Yeah, I know, Valon. But defeating Maximilion Pegasus meant nothing to me. :'''Valon''': Huh? :'''Mai''': There's only one person out there I need to take apart, and that chump is Joey Wheeler. :''[flashback ends]'' :'''Valon''': Mai can’t stand the sight of you. And neither can I, mate. So I plan to take you down for her. Once you’re out of the picture, she can move on to bigger and much better things. Like teaming up with me and leaving behind her past once and for all! :'''Joey''': No way, Valon. Mai would never want to get rid of me after what we’ve been through. We’re friends! ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 1)#Keith's Machination|Joey and Mai inside the castle at Duelist Kingdom]]. flashback ends]'' Mai has nothing in common with you. So she may be a little rough around the edges and she can have an attitude every once in a while, but she’d never join up with a bunch of low-lives who have some crazy plan to take over the world. :'''Valon''': We’ll just see. :'''Joey''': Whatever you guys did to her… I’m gonna undo as soon if I’m gonna win this… so why do we moved on! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': I know Valon's around here somewhere and I have to stop this duel now. I better be too late 'cause I’m gonna make Wheeler pay for what he did to me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rebecca''': Let's try this again. ''[typing the laptop]'' Come on... ''[groans]'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': Hey! Any luck in there, Rebecca? :'''Tea Gardner''': You've asked five times. She's working as fast as she can. :'''Duke Devlin''': Aren't ''you'' the one who told us to have faith? :'''Tristan Taylor''': Why don't ''you'' get off my back, Duke! Joey's in trouble, and it we don't move fast things could get even worse! :'''Tea Gardner''': Take it easy, Tristan. :'''Tristan Taylor''': I can't, Tea! Don't you guys see that this whole thing is my ''fault''!? :'''Yami Yugi''': No, Tristan. :'''Tristan Taylor''': When Joey and I got [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#On_the_Wrong_Track|separated from you guys]], ''he'' told me about his plan, and I should have talked to him out of it then. :''[Flashes back to Joey and Tristan carry Rex Raptor on the railway tracks to find Tea and the Pharaoh, but Joey long face.]'' :'''Joey Wheeler''': I just figured it all out. :'''Tristan Taylor''': Figured what out? What are you talking about, Joey? :'''Joey Wheeler''': Why [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#My Freaky Valentine|Mai teamed up with those low-lives]]. It's 'cause I was a terrible friend. I let her down. :'''Tristan Taylor''': That's crazy. :'''Joey Wheeler''': But it's true. If Dartz maybe the one that brainwashed her. But I'm the one that drove her away in the first place. Now I gotta go and set things straight by finding these guys and breaking that spell! :'''Tristan Taylor''': But how? ''[confused]'' Aw, man. :''[cuts back to the present]'' :'''Tristan Taylor''': What was I thinking?! How could I let him do this?! :'''Tea Gardner''': Joey's got a mind of his own, Tristan. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' ''Let's just hope he's using with his legendary dragon the Claw of Hermos.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': My move! ''[draws the card]'' Look out! Now we’re taking. Let’s see stand up to this guy! ''[holds up the "Claw of Hermos" card]'' :''[To Be Continued…]'': ====Part 3==== :'''Tristan''': I can't wait around anymore! ''[grunting]'' Joey needs our help and ''he'' needs it now! :'''Téa''': Tristan, you must chill. :'''Duke''': Téa's right, Tristan. Without Kaiba's tracking system we have no hope of finding him. :'''Tristan''': Am I the only one here who understands what's going on? Joey may be losing his soul as we speak. Let's go! :'''Téa''': I didn't think of it like that. Maybe we should go. :'''Yami Yugi''': Not yet. We have to have faith that Rebecca can find him. Until then I know Joey can take care of himself. He's been in tough situations before. :'''Téa''': Not this tough. :'''Rebecca''': Hey, I did it! I finally found Joey. If this read out's right, Joey's not far, guys. :'''Yami Yugi''': All right, I'll takes this and track him down. You move the trailer to a safer place. :'''Tea''': Not so fast Pharaoh. ''[Pharaoh stops and looks at Tea and Tristan]'' You're not going alone. :'''Tristan''': That's right. We're all this together. :'''Yami Yugi''': I guess You've made up your minds. ''[smile]'' Thank you. Now let's go. :'''Rebecca''': Ahem. :'''Yami Yugi''': Rebecca, You stay here. Duke, can you keep an eye on them until we get back. :'''Duke''': You got it. :'''Rebecca''': No, I want to go, too. Come on, Grandpa. :'''Arthur''': Uh-uh We've got our own work to do. We need your talents back here. :''[Rebecca sighs]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Rebecca, as soon as Joey safe, we'll find Yugi. :'''Rebecca''': Promise me he's all right. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi's going to be just fine. I promise. Please, trust me. :'''Duke''': Come on, man, you don't have a second to lose, so go kick some butt and take names. :'''Yami Yugi''': Well, that's one way to put it. :'''Tristan''': Let's chit-chat later, OK. :'''Rebecca''': Good luck with everything. :'''Yami Yugi''': You, too. :'''Arthur''': If you need us, just call. :'''Yami Yugi''': Right. :''[They ran off together to find Joey]'' :'''Arthur''': Don't worry, Rebecca. ''[Rebecca looks at her grandfather]'' Yugi will be back here safe and sound in no time at all. :'''Rebecca''': But how do you know? :'''Arthur''': Because I believe in the Pharaoh, and you should too. :'''Rebecca''': Fine. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': ''[thinking]'' You're mine, Wheeler. <hr width="50%"/> :''[When Mai showed up and found Valon in the duel with Joey]'' :'''Valon''': Hey, Mai! You're just in time to catch the end of the greatest duel ever played. :'''Mai''': ''[takes off her helmet]'' You and I had a deal, remember!? Joey Wheeler's mine! ''[Orichalcos blocks her]'' Ah! :'''Joey''': Mai, no! :'''Mai''': Look, you've done enough, so why don't you take a hike and let me finish this!? :'''Valon''': Sorry, no can do. :'''Mai''': Huh? :'''Valon''': I'm having way too much fun out here to stop now. Plus this duel is no place for you. :'''Mai''': Why's that? :'''Valon''': There's too much at stake. I won't let you risk losing everything you have. That's why I challenged Joey Wheeler in the first place to protect you. I wanted to get rid of him so you'd be able to move on with your life, and that's exactly what I'm gonna do. :'''Joey''': Guess what, Mai. I'm fighting for same reason. :'''Valon''': Then let's get on with it! Shall we? I can't wait to see what you play next. :'''Joey''': You're gonna have to wait, Valon, 'cause I play one card face down and end my turn. :'''Valon''': Big mistake, pal. ====Part 4==== :''[Joey and Valon were engaged in an armored standoff in the middle of the Oricalchos field]'' :'''Joey''': It's time to activate Big Bang Dragon Blow's special effect! ''[Joey tributes Red-Eyes Black Dragon to make Big Bang Dragon Blow supercharged]'' By sacrificing my Red-Eyes, I made my armored fist even more powerful! Now it's able to destroy all your monsters and subtract their strength from your Life Points! ''[Big Bang Dragon Blow builds up pressure against Valon and Joey sends Valon flying away from the center and destroying his Armor monsters]'' :'''Valon''': ''[skids to a halt]'' You did it. You won. ''[panting and making his Life Points drop to 0]'' Congratulations. Goodbye. :'''Mai''': ''[gasps]'' It's my fault. :'''Valon''': Don't be silly, Mai. I caused my own downfall. I thought if I won I could make you forget about Joey Wheeler. But now I understand why he meant so much to you. The guy's got heart. :'''Mai''': Valon, wait. :'''Valon''': Hey Joey, It's up to you now, Saved Mai. :'''Mai''': Valon! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Great Leviathan... I sense the arrival of powerful soul. Let's see who, shall we? ''[spots at Valon in stone]'' Well... look what the orichalcos dragged in. My former employee. Now it's Miss Valentine's turn to send me a soul... or to give up her own. ''[evily laughter]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mai hold Valon's lifeless body, her eyes full of tears]'' :'''Mai''': Valon. Come back... Valon. :'''Joey''': It's too late. The Orichalcos has him now. ''[Mai remembers to flashbacks to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Deck of Armor|what Valon said]] flashback ends]'' Hey, Mai... We'll get him back. :'''Mai''': How could he do this? Valon's the one who told me you have to duel for yourself. Then he turns around and fights you to protect me? How pathetic. Hmm. He deserved this. :'''Joey''': What? Look, Mai, Valon realized what ''he'' told ''you'' was wrong. ''He'' found out what dueling is really about determination and heart. :'''Mai''': Hmm. :'''Joey''': He fought like a true duelist today. :'''Mai''': I thought you wanted to destroy him. :'''Joey''': Hold on, Mai, Valon may have annoyed me... but no one deserves to have their soul taken away and then held captive by some power-hungry psychopath! I don't care who they are! :'''Mai''': Ha. :'''Joey''': You know what, Mai... ''I'' realize something now. As long as that Orichalcos thing has control over your mind, I'll never be able to talk any sense into you! As a matter of fact, the only way I can save you at this point is to duel ''you!'' So, what do you say!? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': I see. So you beat this loser and now it's gone to your head? :'''Joey''': It isn't like that, Mai. :'''Mai''': Why else would you be dumb enough to challenge me a duel? You should have learned your lesson from our last match. :'''Joey''': The only way I can get through to you… is by dueling you! :'''Mai''': If you say so. ''[activates her chaos duel disk]'' :'''Mai and Joey''': Let's duel! ''[their life points to 4000]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': Finally, you're giving me a ''real'' challenge… but you're gonna have to do better than that! 'Cause before my Aero Nail goes to the graveyard, it's transferring its power to my other Harpie! :'''Joey''': Fine! I place one card facedown! Give me your best shot! :'''Mai''': You're pretty confident for someone who's about to lose! Now, stand back! My move! I drew it. :'''Joey''': Oh, no! :'''Mai''': Yup! The Seal of Orichalcos! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Mai''': We're both locked in the Seal and only ''one'' of us will escape! No one can come to your rescue now. It's just you, me, and the most powerful magic card that's ever been created! :'''Joey''': I know. I was expecting this. ====Part 5==== :'''Téa''': We gotta find him! :'''Tristan''': Joey! Where are you, man?! :'''Téa''': Hey are you down there?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Joey! Answer us?! :'''Téa''': Hello?! :'''Tristan''': I could swear that Orichalcos thing activated right here. :'''Téa''': Me, too. So why isn't it here now? Unless we're too late! :'''Tristan''': Don't say that, Téa! :'''Yami Yugi''': Hang in there, Joey! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': Congratulations. You win. :''[Collapses from exhaustion]'' :'''Mai''': Joey, no! You're wrong. I never attacked so you didn't lose the duel. :'''Joey''': But, I'm too exhausted... to finish. :'''Mai''': I won't let the Orichalcos take you away, Joey. :'''Joey''': It's too late for that. I already lost the duel, so there's no turnin' back. I'm just glad that if one of us had to lose our soul, it didn't have to be you, Mai. :'''Mai''': Don't say that. :'''Joey''': Hey, Mai, that was one of the greatest duels I ever fought. Thank you. :''[His spirit is taken by the Seal, leaving Mai horrified]'' :'''Mai''': Joey! NO! :''[The fragment of the Orchicalcos on her [[w: choker |choker]] shatters]'' :'''Dartz''': She's been set free! ''[spots at Joey Wheeler in stone]'' Ah! But what's this? It seems miss Valentine has served her purpose. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mai hold Joey's lifeless body, her eyes full of tears]'' :'''Mai''': Joey, wait! SNAP OUT OF IT! This is all my fault! I was angry and confused, and I blamed all my loneliness on you! So I tried to get rid of you. How could I be so selfish? You're the only one who ever cared about me. ''[sobbing]'' You're the closest friend I ever had, and how did I repay you? By leaving you for a madman who promised me power. ''[grabs the Claw of Hermos card]'' I'll make him regret the day he ever met Mai Valentine! ''[she hops the motorcycle droves off back to Paradius leaving Joey behind next to Valon.]'' ''The only way to fix this is to meet Dartz face to face.'' :''[Mai arriving back to Paradius headquarters and looks up]'' :'''Mai''': Here goes nothing. :''[?]'' :'''Mai''': Hey Dartz! Is that you? :'''Rafael''': Guess again, Mai. :'''Mai''': Rafael! What do you want!? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Pharaoh, Tristan and Tea arrives and they found a soulless Joey.]'' :'''Tristan''': ''[shocked]'' No way! :'''Tea''': What happened? :'''Yami Yugi''': He lost the duel. :'''Tea''': Wait, Does that mean? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes his soul belongs to Dartz now. ===''Grappling with a Guardian'' [4.30-32]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Téa''': Joey, please say something? :'''Yami Yugi''': I don't think he can hear us. :'''Téa''': Then it's true. The Orichalcos took his soul. :'''Tristan''': When I get my hands on the person who did this to Joey, they're gonna wish they were never born! Wake up, man. :'''Téa''': Who did do this? ''[she looks at the soulless Valon]'' 'Cause by the looks of Valon, I have to say it wasn't him. So Tristan what's going on here? :'''Tristan''': Don't you see Tea? Joey must have defeated Valon and then Mai showed up. ''She'' did this to him. I'm sure of it! :'''Téa''': How could she? :'''Tristan''': Easily. She couldn't wait to get rid of Joey. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's true, Tristan, However, There's only one person we can really blame for all of this, and I think you know who I mean. He hides safely in his fortress while others do his dirty work. Well, not anymore. ''[rans off]'' :'''Téa''': Pharaoh, Wait! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' This all ends now, Dartz. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': ''[voice-over, evilly laughing]'' We've been expecting you, Pharaoh. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Pharaoh looks at soulless Mai in the elevator]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[gasps]'' Mai? Mai, say something. She must have been in a duel, and it appears she lost both the duel and her soul belongs to Dartz now. I must put an end to this. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': Well, It's about time you showed up for our rematch. :'''Yami Yugi''': This doesn't concern you, Rafael. I'm here to see Dartz. Is your master so much of a coward that he sent you to do his battles for him? :'''Rafael''': Not quite. You owe me something. But first. ''[holds a card and he catches the card to the Pharaoh]'' Why don't you take this? :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[spots the Claw of Hermos card]'' It's the Claw of Hermos. Joey's card. So you're the one who defeated Joey, aren't you? :'''Rafael''': Actually, Mai beat Joey, then ''I'' defeated her. :'''Yami Yugi''': But why? Wasn't Mai on ''your'' side? :'''Rafael''': I never trusted her, and turns out I was right all along. ''[Flashback to his and Mai's duel inside Paradius; voice-over]'' After she took [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fighting for a Friend|Joey's soul]], ''she'' turned on us. :'''Mai''': I've had it with your ridiculous world domination mumbo jumbo and I want out! It's time for Dartz to answer for what ''he'' made ''me'' do to Joey. Let's see how ''he'' likes it when the orichalcos captures ''him!'' :'''Rafael''': You sure you don't wanna take that back? Dartz isn't exactly known for his sense of humor. :'''Mai''': So? :'''Rafael''': Then you leave me no ''choice.'' It's my duty to protect him, so goodbye to ''your'' soul. ''[activates his chaos duel disk and Mai activates her chaos duel disk, voice-over]'' Biggest mistake ''she'' ever made. :''[Rafael defeats Mai and she screaming as the orichalcos claims her soul away.]'' :'''Mai''': Joey! I'm sorry, I tried my best. ''[collapses and drops the Claw of Hermos card.]'' :'''Rafael''': ''[voice-over]'' Unfortunately, her best wasn't good enough. :''[the flashback ends]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': This madness has to stop. Just think of how many innocent lives have been destroyed. You may be next. :'''Rafael''': Do you think I really care? I made a commitment to help Master Dartz save the planet from crumbling at the hands of people like you, and if keeping my promise means giving up my own soul, well, then so be it, 'cause even if I'm captured, I'll be doing my part by giving the Great Leviathan the strength it needs to restore peace to the world once again. :'''Yami Yugi''': Wake up, Rafael! Can't you see that your so-called Master Dartz is just using you to satisfy his own selfish needs? If you really what to save the world, then stop fighting me and join ''my'' side. :'''Rafael''': As soon as the great beast is revived, I'm afraid your side will no longer exist, Pharaoh, and all it needs to get started is one more strong soul. :'''Yami Yugi''': Oh no. It's true. :'''Rafael''': You better believe it. as we speak, the Great Leviathan lurks in the shadows all over the earth. And as soon as I defeat you, your life energy will be offered to the beast, giving it the strength it needs to fully cross over into our world. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Tristan and Tea running the streets Tristan carried Joey]'' :'''Tristan''': Why did the Pharaoh take off liked that? :'''Téa''': He must've gone after Dartz for what happened to Yugi. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': As we speak, the most devastating creature that ever lived is waiting to rise again. All it needs now is your soul, and the Sacred Seal of Orichalcos will take care of that once I take you down. Of course, ''I'' already defeated you once, but somehow ''you'' were able to cheat me by switching places with ''someone'' else. ''[Flashes back to [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Fate_of_the_Pharaoh|their last duel as the Seal took Yugi]].]'' Don't even think about trying to pull a stunt like that gain, Pharaoh. I don't appreciate being lied to, and besides, there's no one for you to hide behind this time, 'cause now it's just you and me. The winner leaves a free man. The loser becomes a prisoner to the beast! :'''Yami Yugi''': You're on! If that's what it takes to set my friends free, then let's duel! And once you're out of my way, I can go straight for Dartz! It's just a shame that a duelist with your talents has to throw it all away by following a madman. :'''Rafael''': Look, Master Dartz opened me up the truth and made me who I am today. You're just jealous because you don't have one of these, right? ''[holds up the Seal of Orichalcos card]'' Well, not anymore, anyway. :'''Yami Yugi''': You can't tempt ''me'' with that again, Rafael. :'''Rafael''': I wasn't planning on it, but you can have one last look at it while you shuffle my deck… for old time's sake. :'''Yami Yugi''': I know what you're trying to do, and it won't work. I won't give in to my dark side! :'''Rafael''': We'll see about that. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' I must stay true to my heart, no matter what he tries to do. :''[The two shuffle their decks]'' :'''Rafael''': May the best man win...and when I do, you'll be gone forever. I'm gonna enjoy this. :'''Pharaoh and Rafael''': Time to Duel! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' I'm surprised he didn't play the Seal of Orichalcos right away. Perhaps he's toying with me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': Now I play Butterfly Dagger. This weapon gives my Backup Gardna 300 extra attack points. It also allows me to summon my Guardian Elma. :'''Yami Yugi''': I've never seen that Guardian monster. :'''Rafael''': There are plenty of monsters in my deck you've never seen, and this one lets me bring my Guardian Shield back from the graveyard. And I'll give it to Guardian Elma. Plus, my Backup Gardna's special ability transfers my Butterfly Dagger to Guardian Elma. Now, Guardian Elma… attack his Queen's Knight! Guardian Grarl, it's your turn now! Attack his King's Knight with Gravity Axe! What now, Pharaoh? What puny knight stands between me and your Life Points? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' He gave up his own strength to save his monster! ''[speaking]'' I'll place two cards face down and end my turn. ''[thinking]'' I've never come across a duelist like him before. He refuses to let any of his monsters go to the card graveyard. He protects them at all costs! Why would a duelist like this hold a card like the Seal of Orichalcos? ''[speaking]'' Rafael, don't you understand what's going on here? As long as you're loyal to Dartz, you'll never be true to yourself. You have too much respect for your cards to use them for such an evil purpose. But Dartz has brainwashed you into believing you're someone else! :'''Rafael''': The only thing Master Dartz did was open my eyes to the truth. :'''Yami Yugi''': You're ''wrong!'' :'''Rafael''': This world is an evil place, and ''you're'' part of the problem. So I'm here to fix that. And thanks to my master, I have just the tool to do it. Now, I play the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Yami Yugi''': NO, RAFAEL! PLEASE, DON'T! :'''Rafael''': Sorry, Pharaoh, it's too late for that now. Your fate is sealed! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Téa''': Hey look guys. It's Mai. :'''Mokuba''': ''[looks at soulless Mai]'' Oh, man. Don't tell me you guys she lost her soul too. :'''Tristan''': I don't mean to sound insensitive, but who's carrying her? :'''Yami Yugi''': You're making a mistake! RAFAEL! NO! ====Part 2==== :'''Rafael''': This time the Seal belongs to me! :'''Yami Yugi''': What were you thinking, Rafael? Now one of us is going to lose his soul. :'''Rafael''': That's the whole point, Pharaoh. The Great Leviathan needs power, and once I take you down and capture your soul, that legendary creature will have the strength it needs to awaken. :'''Yami Yugi''': We'll see. :'''Tristan''': That's the same guy who beat Yugi last time! :'''Seto Kaiba''': ''[shocked]'' What?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': It's time to bring out my ultimate monster, but first I'll play this card, Celestial Sword - Eatos! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' The Sword of Eatos? This can only mean one thing: he's about to summon Guardian Eatos! :'''Rafael''': Now I'll draw two cards. The time has come to play the card that beat you last time. It's my Guardian Eatos! :'''Yami Yugi''': I have to act quickly! With 500 Life Points left, I don't have much time! ''[Guardian Eatos soon becomes infected by the darkness of the Orichalcos]'' Look what you've done to your Guardian! It's been consumed by darkness! :'''Rafael''': Exactly, and it's more powerful than ever now. Nothing can stop it. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Guardian Eatos tries to destroy Yugi's Dark Magician with her Celestial Sword and it breaks, cutting her attack points back to 3000]'' :'''Rafael''': ''[shocked]'' Say what?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Allow me to clear things up for you. A few moments ago, I sent three monsters to my graveyard, one of which saved me. That card was this, my Electromagnetic Turtle! When this monster was destroyed, it created an electromagnetic barrier, shielding my magician from your attack. :'''Rafael''': No way. He had that planned all along! :'''Tristan''': In your face, meathead! :'''Rafael''': ''[thinking]'' The Pharaoh's gonna pay for mocking the power of my Guardian Eatos. ''[speaking]'' I END MY TURN! :'''Yami Yugi''': Perhaps you should've thought twice before you poisoned your own monsters with the dark powers of the Orichalcos. Take it from someone with experience. Betraying your monsters only backfires in the end. :'''Rafael''': You played the Seal of Orichalcos once and all of a sudden you're an expert of the subject? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': You can't win a duel with defense, Pharaoh. All you're doing is stalling for time. Well, I'm afraid your time's just run out. Eatos, destroy his most valuable monster, the Dark Magician! :'''Tristan''': Oh, no! :'''Téa''': Pharaoh! :'''Mokuba''': Do something! :'''Yami Yugi''': Magical Hats, activate! Hide my monsters! :'''Rafael''': What's going on?! :'''Tristan''': Awesome! Magical Hats shuffled Yugi's monsters so Blondie blasted the wrong one. :'''Mokuba''': That's true, but he gets to attack again, so Yugi's magician's still in danger! :'''Yami Yugi''': All right, one of these three remaining hats is concealing my monster, so go ahead! Hit me with your best shot! :'''Rafael''': ''[thinking]'' Three hats and one monster. I know what I have to do. I'll use Elma to improve my odds, then I'll send Grarl to finish things off. ''[speaking]'' Go, Elma! Find his Dark Magician! ''[Guardian Elma strikes her butterfly dagger at the second hat]'' Now I have a 50-50 shot. Guardian Grarl, attack! :''[Guardian Grarl punches the third hat with his fist, Dark Magician appears from the last hat]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Wrong hat! :'''Rafael''': Oh, no! :'''Yami Yugi''': What a shame. Looks like you used up all of your chances. :'''Rafael''': ''[thinking]'' How could I have messed that up?! I was about to win the duel and capture the Pharaoh! ''[speaking]'' My turn's not over yet! I activate my Rod of Silence! This lets me play another Guardian monster, my all-powerful Guardian Kay'est! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After the Pharaoh destroys Guardian Eatos with his Amulet Dragon, Guardian Dreadscythe appears on the field]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[horrified shock]'' What's that?! :'''Téa''': ''[terrified]'' I've got one word: nasty! :'''Tristan''': Here's four: I'm gonna be sick. :'''Yami Yugi''': For the last time, what is that thing?! :'''Rafael''': I told you-- when Eatos goes to the graveyard, '''''this''''' monster is summoned to the field in its place. So say hello to my Guardian Dreadsycthe! :'''Yami Yugi''': Hello and goodbye. It's no match for my dragon! :'''Rafael''': It will be. First, I'll boost its strength with my Reaper Scythe magic card. Now, for the best part, thanks to its new weapon, my Guardian of darkness gains 500 attack points for every monster in my graveyard. :'''Yami Yugi''': But why? I thought you despised having monsters in your graveyard! :'''Rafael''': But I despise ''you'' even more, so what's a few monsters in the grave if it means destroying you forever? And with only 500 Life Points left, you won't last long. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': I know first-hand what the Oricalchos does to a person's heart and I can help you. Think, when Earls was destroyed, you released your anger on your other monsters. You left the Oricalchos feed on your rage like I did. :'''Rafael''': So? What's your point? :'''Yami Yugi''': That this isn't who you really are. The darkness within you has taken control, and now you must face that darkness head on. It's the only way for you to save yourself. :'''Rafael''': ''You'' need to be saved. :'''Yami Yugi''': If you don't believe my words, then maybe this will convince you! :'''Rafael''': What are you holding? :'''Yami Yugi''': A card that forces you to take a closer look at yourself-- Underworld Circle! :'''Rafael''': What on earth does that do? :'''Yami Yugi''': BEHOLD! It's time to take some responsibility for what you've done, Rafael! Underworld Circle, activate! ====Part 3==== :'''Yami Yugi''': First, I'll use the magic of Underworld Circle to bring my Big Shield Gardna back from the graveyard! Then, I'll activate my Pot of Greed! This let me draw two cards. ''[thinking]'' Excellent. That's just the card I've been waiting for! ''[speaking]'' Time to face what you did… when you betrayed your heart! For now, I activate the magic card, Spider Web, which let me use a card from your graveyard! :'''Rafael''': What's the point of all this? :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm using my Spider Web to bring back your Monster Reborn card. And I'm planning on using it to save you by setting you free from the darkness! :'''Rafael''': Yeah, whatever. :'''Yami Yugi''': I use Monster Reborn to revive a creature that once saved your life and that you in turn, deserted! ''[resurects Guardian Eatos]'' :'''Rafael''': Eatos?! :'''Téa''': What's he gonna do with that card? :'''Mokuba''': Hopefully win. :'''Yami Yugi''': One more thing. ''[thinking]'' Joey… I can only accomplish this with your help. ''[speaking]'' I summon The Claw of Hermos! :'''Tristan''': Hey, Joey! Check it out, man! He just summoned your boy! :'''Yami Yugi''': And now, Hermos and Queen's Knight, combine together to form Goddess Bow! That doubles the attack points of Guardian Eatos! And since Eatos has been removed from your graveyard, your Dreadscythe gets weaker! :'''Rafael''': What are you up to? Our monsters are even now. So if you attack, they're both destroyed. But mine comes back! :'''Yami Yugi''': We'll see about that! I have a few more surprises planned! Eatos attack his Dreadscythe, NOW! I activate the special ability of my Goddess Bow! Now every time your Dreadscythe revives itself, Eatos can attack again! :'''Rafael''': No! :'''Yami Yugi''': And don't forget, with each attack, you lose another card! :'''Mokuba''': Of course! If Rafael runs out of cards, his monster can't come back! :'''Yami Yugi''': The dark flame of your Dreadscythe is now extinguished. ===''A Duel with Dartz'' [4.33-38]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Rafael''': Go! Hurry! Stop him! Stop Dartz! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Yes come home my children. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Tristan''': Dude, what's with all these people chiseled in stone? :'''Téa''': They're just any people! Take a look! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[spots at Yugi, Joey, Mai, Pegasus, Weevil, Rex, Alister, Valon and all many people in stone]'' Oh, no! There's Mai and Weevil! :'''Tristan''': This must be everyone who lost their soul! :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi! :'''Dartz''': ''[voice-over]'' What a touching reunion. Too bad your friends turned out to be a bunch of stiffs. ''[laughing evilly and reveals himself from fire]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Dartz! :'''Dartz''': You were expecting someone else? Well, due to the carelessness of my employees, ''I'm'' the only one left. You can't find good help these days. :'''Kaiba''': Look, I want my company back, so can the small talk! :'''Dartz''': Is that so? Well, guess what? We all want something. As for me, I want your souls for my wall. I even have the spot picked out. :'''Kaiba''': Save it, Dartz! It'll take a lot more than a few party tricks to scare me! :'''Yami Yugi''': Now, for the last time, release our friends! :'''Dartz''': That's not possible. :'''Yami Yugi''': What do you mean? :'''Dartz''': I mean they've already been put to use. As we speak, their life energy supplies to the most devastating creature that ever lived. :'''Téa''': Oh, great. Now, what? :'''Dartz''': My 10,000 year old collection is almost complete. Once I get you two, the beast can rise. :'''Yami Yugi''': Hold on! You've been collecting souls for all those years?! Do you know how many lives you've destroyed?! :'''Dartz''': ''[snickers evilly]'' Millions! And each one of them deserved their fate! Take a moment to look around, won't you? Some of my favorite conquests are in this very room. And since it's taken me millennia to complete, it's quite the history lesson. :'''Tea''': He's right. Look at the outfits on these guys. :'''Mokuba''': So some of these people lived in the past? :'''Dartz''': Now you're catching on. Ever since the Great Leviathan was laid to rest, I've been gathering the energy necessary to fuel its rebirth. :'''Kaiba''': Come on, you expect us to believe that junk? :'''Dartz''': Ye of little faith. Just duel me and I promise I'll make a believer out of you, For when you lose, there will be no denying my power. :'''Kaiba''': Then let's stop talking and start dueling. :'''Yami Yugi''': You can't, Kaiba-- not alone. This lunatic is far too dangerous. :'''Dartz''': So why don't you join him? And when I defeat you, ''[activates his chaos duel disk]'' I'll get two souls for the price of one! :'''Yami Yugi''': All right. Ready, Kaiba? :'''Kaiba''': I'm way ahead of you. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Meanwhile… Rafael puts a soulless Valon on the back of the jeep along a soulless Mai on front seat]'' :'''Rafael''': Don't worry, I'll save you both. Mark my words, Dartz is gonna pay. <hr width="50%"/> :''[After the Pharaoh and Kaiba summon Blue-Eyes White Dragon and Black Luster Soldier, both monsters with 3000 attack points]'' :'''Mokuba''': All right! Dartz better watch out! They just summoned two major league monsters on their first turn! :'''Dartz''': Those pathetic creatures may work in your little card tournaments, but I'm afraid ''I'' play a completely different game-- a game in which the winner takes ALL, and the loser pays the ultimate price! This card was born from the darkness itself! ''[echoes]'' Behold, a power that has existed since the dawn of time. The very power that shall strip you of your souls! ''[plays the Seal of Orichalcos]'' :'''Kaiba''': Oh, no! :'''Yami Yugi''': The Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Mokuba''': Whoa. Do you feel that? :'''Tristan''': If you mean the sudden drop in temperature and that freaky evil vibe in the air, then yes, I do. :'''Téa''': ''[worried]'' Me too. :'''Dartz''': Now that I've set the tone for this duel, allow me to continue. Watch this… Arise, Orichalcos Gigas! :'''Yami Yugi''': I faced this beast before, and it was almost impossible to destroy, Kaiba. :'''Kaiba''': That's 'cause last time you didn't have me to bail you out. :'''Dartz''': Next, I'll sacrifice 500 of my Life Points. That let's me summon my Orichalcos Kyutora. And, thanks to the Seal, it gets an additional 500 points. All right. I guess that'll do for now. ====Part 2==== :''[Dartz, Yami Yugi, and Kaiba hovering above the city of Atlantis]'' :'''Dartz''': Behold, the lost city of Atlantis and all its glory. Just as it was 10,000 years ago, a perfect civilization or so I thought. Surrounded by oceans as far as the eye could see, we were isolated from the rest of the world. :''[A scene depicts the once glorious city of Atlantis and all of Earth's creatures]'' :'''Dartz''': Our lives were simple, we existed side by side with all of Earth's creatures and we knew nothing of violence. But, then that changed. :''[a meteor shower rains upon Atlantis]'' :'''Dartz''': Darkness ascended upon us and a strange substance rained down from the heavens. A substance that will change our lives. :'''Yami Yugi''': The Orichalcos. :'''Kaiba''': Please tell me that story time is over, I'd like to duel. :'''Dartz''': The tale of my past directly affects the fate of your future. So if I were you, I pay close attention. :''[it seems the city of Atlantis had changed]'' :'''Dartz''': Now thanks to the stones of the Orichalcos, the people of Atlantis needed advancement in technology that were never before imagine. And soon, I ruled over the most highly developed civilization the world had ever known. However, with progress comes greed and eventually violence, I knew what had to be done. But, my father, former king Ironheart had different ideas. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[shocked]'' Ironheart was your father?! But how? :'''Kaiba''': If you ask questions, this ridiculous story is never going to end. :'''Dartz''': That old fool never had what took to be king and on my 21st birthday, he allowed me to take over and filled his unimpressive shoes. So as technology continued to advance and the hearts of my people continued to seek deeper into the darkness. It was up to me to remedy the situation, the citizens of Atlantis were growing more and more selfish. And if I didn't act soon, I would lose complete control, but even I couldn't have imagine what would happen next. :''[The Orichalcos began to show the true nature of the Atlanteans]'' :'''Dartz''': The Orichalcos began to test us, it revealed the truth about who we were. :''[The people of Atlantis are beginning to turn into monsters]'' :'''Dartz''': Those who were wicked on the inside became wicked on the outside. :''[Meanwhile, Iona is struggling]'' :'''Dartz''': Iona, are you all right? :'''Dartz''': Wait, come back! What's going on?! :''[Dartz soon finds out that his beloved wife also turned into a monster]'' :'''Dartz''': Iona! :'''Dartz''': I didn't realize it first, but the true colors of my people were revealed to me that day. :'''Dartz''': But why? Why is this happening? :''[a bright green light appears in the water fountain]'' :'''Dartz''': I couldn't understand how a society as perfect as ours could crumble like this. :''[He picks up an Orichalcos stone]'' :'''Dartz''': But soon the Orichalcos would answer all my questions. The people of Atlantis were evil and I have been chosen to wipe them out and start over again. But I couldn't accomplish such a task on my own, I was but one man so the Orichalcos gave me a gift, something powerful enough to lead my fight against mankind. For deep below the Earth's surface lives the most incredible creature ever lived, the Great Leviathan! And it was mine, and shortly that this great beast will return to finish what it began! :'''Dartz''': I was ready to begin my task of recreating civilization on Earth, but one person stood in my way. :''[A scene where Ironheart, Chris, and Skye are in the throne room]'' :'''Ironheart''': My son, you know what you have to do. Destroy those Orichalcos stones so we can return the light we once knew. :''[Dartz sitting on his throne with a gold eye]'' :'''Dartz''': ''[laughs]'' Do you honestly believe that we can go back to the way things were. It's too late for that, Father. :'''Ironheart''': But, Dartz... :'''Dartz''': The true nature of our people have been exposed. We now know that the citizens of this planet are evil and must be destroy! :'''Ironheart''': What?! :'''Dartz''': You heard me, old man! We should be thanking the Orichalcos for showing us the truth. Not blaming it for the faults of mankind, but this mysterious substance that rained down above us had open up my eyes. Not only has it showed me what's wrong, it's given me the tools to fix it. For now I have the power to awaken a mighty creature known as the Great Leviathan! And by the power of the Orichalcos, this beast will rise up from the depths of the earth and fight by my side! And when I'm through, I shall rebuild civilization! :''[The stones have summoned an army of Orichalcos soldiers]'' :'''Ironheart''': Dartz! What's going on?! :''[Dartz laughs evilly]'' :'''Dartz''': Meet my Orichalcos soldiers! :'''Chris''': ''[scared]'' Grandpa, I'm scared! :'''Dartz''': If you join my side, you have nothing to fear. If not, farewell. :'''Ironheart''': We'll never join you! Never! Let's go, Chris! :''[They escape from the throne room]'' :'''Dartz''': Have it your way. :''[Dartz appears on his balcony and addresses his army]'' :'''Dartz''': The time has come to cleanse the world of its impurities! So arise my children and conquer the people of Earth! And this planet shall be yours! :''[Meanwhile Ironheart, Chris, and Skye are walking from their city and they enter a cave]'' :'''Chris''': What are we going to do, Grandpa? :'''Ironheart''': Your father is under the control of an evil force and he must be stopped. The future of our planet depends on it. Through there, hurry! :''[Chris and Skye suddenly runs through an carving of monsters on the walls]'' :'''Chris''': What's there? Why are those monsters carved in stone? :'''Ironheart''': We've come here to ask for their help. :''[The scene depicts the battle of Atlantis between Dartz's Orichalcos army and Ironheart's army of monsters]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': And so the Battle of Atlantis began! You see my father had opened up a gateway to the Dominion of the Beasts and he used the monsters within to form an army of his own. :'''Yami Yugi''': Tell me, what was the battle's outcome? :'''Dartz''': Neither side were victorious and Atlantis sunk to the bottom of the sea. My father's monster army were scattered around the world and sealed away until they be needed again. The Leviathan was drained of its power and also sealed away. It's taken me 10,000 years to gather the energy necessary to bring it back. All that's left of me to do is to defeat you two in this duel. Then your souls will awaken the Great Leviathan and my plan will finally come to pass. :'''Kaiba''': Hold on! We already defeated you! Our Master of Dragon Soldier should've wipe out the rest of your life points. :'''Dartz''': Perhaps it should have, but I'm afraid it didn't. Your pathetic attack failed short of its target. So this duel is still on. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Orichalcos Gigas, return! :'''Yami Yugi''': I told you, Kaiba. Each time his Gigas is destroyed, it comes back even stronger! :'''Dartz''': Face it, you'll never defeat me! The power of the Orichalcos will swallow you both! Now back to the duel. Since my Gigas returned to me, I can't draw a card. But no matter, everything I need is in my hand. So I'll enhance the power of the Seal with this-- the magic of Orichalcos Deuteros! ''[laughs evilly]'' :'''Kaiba''': What's going on?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Somehow he's made the Seal of Orichalcos stronger! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Dartz activates the Orichalcos Deuteros spell card, adding another layer to the Seal of Orichalcos]'' :'''Dartz''': Gentlemen, welcome to the second level of darkness! :'''Kaiba''': The what?! :'''Yami Yugi''': I don't know how. But Dartz just added another layer to the Seal of Orichalcos! :'''Tea''': Right! So what does that mean? :'''Dartz''': The first benefit of my Orichalcos Deuteros, is the addition of 500 Life Points each turn for every monster I have on the field. Therefore, since I have two, that's 1,000 points! :'''Kaiba''': What?! How are we supposed to wipe him out?! :'''Dartz''': You're not. It makes me invincible! Next, I'll attack your Master of Dragon Soldier! Go, my Orichalcos Gigas! :'''Yami Yugi''': Nice try! But my dragon's too strong! :'''Dartz''': Kyutora, absorb ''all'' the damage! ''[chuckles]'' My Life Points are safe. And now, my Gigas returns! :'''Tristan''': That creep! He's letting his Orichalcos Gigas get its butt kicked on purpose, so it can come back stronger! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' That can't be it. His monster would have to be destroyed seven more times before it could defeat my dragon. So there must be more to his plan. Perhaps the secret lies in his Kyutora, and its ability to absorb attack damage. Yes! That creature must have another special ability! :'''Kaiba''': All right, Dartz, my move! ''[thinking]'' As long as that eyesore is on the field, it's pointless to attack his Orichalcos Gigas because Dartz won't lose any Life Points. Plus, Gigas will just come back stronger. But if I attack Dartz directly, I should be able to win the duel! ''[speaking]'' I place one card facedown on the field! And next… I summon my Blade Knight! And since I have only one card left in my hand, Blade Knight gets another 400 attack points! I think that'll do for now. :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' He's setting himself up for something. :'''Kaiba''': ''[thinking]'' Yugi better not screw this up for me. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Kaiba''': Oh, no! That attack was supposed to hit Dartz, not his monster! :'''Yami Yugi''': It's a force field! But how did he create it? :'''Dartz''': By using the second layer of the Seal, of course. Whenever my Life Points are targeted, my Orichalcos Deuteros steps in to defend me. It's simple. ''I'' make a sacrifice so that your monster takes the hit! You know what that means, right? Your dragon just attacked itself! ====Part 3==== :'''Dartz''': So tell me, Gentlemen, what do you think of my newest soldiers? I'm sure there's no need for any introductions. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's not funny, Dartz. :'''Dartz''': Maybe not to you. :'''Yami Yugi''': That's enough. :'''Kaiba''': Just drop the magic act and let's duel. :'''Dartz''': But we are dueling, you insensible twit. We're just doing it by my rules, that's all. Since I now control the souls of your former friends, I thought it would be fun to let them play along with us. :'''Téa''': Leave them alone! :'''Tristan''': What did they do to you?! :'''Dartz''': You should be thanking me. :'''Yami Yugi''': And why's that? :'''Dartz''': I'm giving you one last chance to see your companions. Before their souls are gone forever. :'''Yami Yugi''': You'll never take them away from us, Dartz! :'''Dartz''': That's right, Pharaoh. Let your anger consume you. Feel the darkness within you beginning to spread. The stronger your rage, the more powerful the Great Leviathan will be when it absorbs your soul. Now where we? Ah, yes. Mirror Knight Yugi. It's time to attack your other half. :'''Yami Yugi''': No, Yugi! Fight it! I know you can hear me! :''[Yugi struggles to fight against Dartz's command]'' :'''Dartz''': What's this? My soldier is still loyal to you? How touching. [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Self_Destruction|Even though you turned your back on him, he refuses to seek revenge]]. That will soon change. :'''Yami Yugi''': We'll see. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Kaiba! :'''Kaiba''': Just save it! That second-rate chump has held me back for the last time! Different Dimension Dragon Attack! :'''Yami Yugi''': No! Don't do this! :'''Kaiba''': Too late! :''[Knight Yugi's shield disintegrates]'' :'''Kaiba''': No way! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': You don't look happy to see me, and after all we've been through. Where's the love? Don't answer that. I've heard enough lies from ''you''. The Pharaoh opened me up to the truth. :'''Dartz''': Really? :'''Rafael''': Yeah, really. Thanks to him, [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Grappling_with_a_Guardian|I was able to escape the seal of orichalcos with my soul still intact]] unlike them and everyone else you used. Now set them free before you end up on that wall. :'''Dartz''': Your soul may have been spared, but it sounds like the orichalcos took what was left of your brain. :'''Rafael''': What's that supposed to mean? :'''Dartz''': It means you're more gullible than ever. Do you honestly think the darkness that once controlled you is gone? :'''Rafael''': Yes. The Pharaoh set me free. :'''Dartz''': Did he... Hmm. Or did he just trick you the way you think I did? :'''Rafael''': Stop it! You're messing with my head. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': Rafael, You mustn't listen to him. :'''Rafael''': Everything is your fault. ''You'' took ''me'' from my family. :'''Dartz''': I needed your anger, your thirst for revenge. :'''Rafael''': ''[enraged]'' '''YOU RUINED MY LIFE, YOU MONSTER!''' ====Part 4==== :'''Dartz''': It's time to reinforce the sacred Seal with its most powerful layer thus far! Behold the ancient magic of my Orichalcos Tritos! ''[adds a third layer to the Seal of Orichalcos]'' Welcome to level 3, gentlemen. :'''Yami Yugi''': How can the Seal possibly get any stronger?! :'''Dartz''': We're dealing with a force greater than the darkest shadows and older than time itself. Does that answer your question? :'''Mokuba''': Whoa! :'''Téa''': His Life Points are out of control! :'''Dartz''': Orichalcos Malevolence, use your special ability to switch Kaiba's dragon into attack mode! So I'm afraid this is goodbye. With an attack strength of only 1400, your dragon is far too weak to defend your Life Points. :'''Kaiba''': So that means… :'''Yami Yugi''': You lose! :'''Dartz''': Now my beast, bring Kaiba's soul to me! :'''Kaiba''': Wrong! I activate my Shrink card! :'''Dartz''': ''[chuckles and the third layer of the Seal destroys Kaiba's magic card]'' Is it beginning to sink in yet? When used properly, the Seal of Orichalcos is unmatched by any other card in the game! And due to its third layer, your magic and trap cards are useless against me! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Kyutora has ''another'' ability! Whenever it's destroyed, it '''''evolves!''''' :''[Orichalcos Kyutora is destroyed and Orichalcos Shunoros appears]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Oh, no! What's going on?! :'''Kaiba''': What is that?! :'''Dartz''': My little friend is all grown up, so playtime's over! Gentlemen, I'd like you meet Orichalcos Shunoros! :'''Kaiba''': Did you see what I see?! :'''Yami Yugi''': Unfortunately. :'''Téa''': See what? :'''Tristan''': That thing's got 20,000 points! :'''Dartz''': Don't look so surprised. ''You're'' the ones who created this unstoppable beast! You may have destroyed my previous monsters, but you unleashed something far worse! :'''Yami Yugi''': It can wipe us out in one strike! :'''Dartz''': You're absolutely right, but before I do that, I have some more bad news to share. Orichalcos Shunoros, activate your special ability! Release Orichalcos Dexia… and Orichalcos Aristeros! :'''Yami Yugi''': What's the meaning of this?! :'''Dartz''': Allow me to clear things up. Shunoros just released two more creatures. The first one is known as Dexia, and its attack strength is always 300 points higher than the monster it's battling, making it the perfect sword! And the second one is just as strong. It will intercept every one of your attacks and retaliate with a blast that's 300 points greater than the one you fired, making Orichalcos Aristeros the perfect shield! You'll never get past my triple threat! :'''Yami Yugi''': ''[thinking]'' Not only is his monster more powerful than Kaiba's dragon… but with Dexia and Aristeros on the front line, our attacks won't even get through! :'''Dartz''': I activate the trap card, Martyr Curse! This forces one of your monsters to engage in a battle with one of my monsters. And as a nasty little side effect, it cancels out any special abilities your creature may have. And since I don't seem to have much of a choice, I'll target your Mirror Force Dragon! Without its reflecting power, your dragon's completely defenseless, which means you're about to be out one soul! Orichalcos Shunoros, remove Kaiba's Life Points so the Orichalcos can remove his spirit! <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Kaiba's Wish of Final Effort trap card increases Yugi's Life Points and loses his soul when his Life Points dropped down to zero…]'' :'''Dartz''': Pharaoh, it looks like you're the soul survivor. :'''Yami Yugi''': You disgust me. :'''Dartz''': I'll tell you what. Since I already have what I need... You can keep the rest of him! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': Don't worry, Pharaoh. Your friends are fine. I don't need weak souls. I just wanted to spend some quality time with you, one-on-one. Is that so wrong? :'''Yami Yugi''': That's enough! :'''Dartz''': But there's something I think you'll want to know. You and I met 5,000 years ago when you were king of Egypt. We may not have been officially introduced, but I was there watching you. :'''Yami Yugi''': Go on. :'''Dartz''': When the battle of Atlantis ended, I thought the Great Leviathan was gone forever. That is, until I met you. :'''Yami Yugi''': Hold on! What does that evil creature of yours have to do with me?! :'''Dartz''': I thought you'd never ask. Behold the Palace of the Pharaoh in year 3000 B.C.! Ring any bells? Hmm? ====Part 5==== :'''Joey''': Huh? I've had some weird dreams, but this one takes the cake. Wait, hold on. I remember being trapped in a duel, but... how did I end up floating around in here? :'''Yugi Muto''': ''[offscreen]'' Joey? Is that you? :'''Joey''': Yugi! Long time no see! :'''Yugi''': I'm glad you're all right! :'''Maximillion Pegasus''': Please, bubble boy, you call this "all right"? :'''Yugi and Joey''': Pegasus! :'''Pegasus''': If we don't escape soon, we never will! :'''Joey''': Hmm? Where exactly are we, anyway, Huh? ''[spots at Valon, Mai Valentine, Weevil Underwood, Rex Raptor, Alister, Rafael and Seto Kaiba]'' Wait! Everyone in here had their soul captured! This must be where the orichalcos spits you out after you lose a duel! Aah! Calm down. Maybe it is just a dream. Uh... :'''Yugi''': It's no dream. And take a look, Joey. Things are about to get worse! :'''Joey''': What's that!? :'''Pegasus''': Don't you pay attention? That's the Great Leviathan, and it's using human souls for power. :'''Joey''': It's doing what!? But I don't wanna be turned into soul food! :'''Yugi''': We can still get out of this mess if the Pharaoh defeats Dartz! :'''Joey''': Huh? But how see gonna do that? ''[looks at Seto Kaiba]'' Rich boy's with us now. That means.... The Pharaoh's facing Dartz alone out there! :'''Yugi''': Wrong. Kaiba may have been knocked outta the fight... But the Pharaoh's not alone, Joey. :'''Joey''': I'm afraid I don't follow, Yuge. :'''Yugi''': He's still got all of us. Sure, we're not right there next to him, but we've never let that stop us before. :'''Joey''': Yeah, but I don't know if that's gonna work this time, 'Cause Dartz is playin' by a whole new set a rules. and nothing can take down that orichalcos card. :'''Pegasus''': There is one thing that can help. :'''Joey''': Huh? :'''Pegasus''': It's the card I gave him. And if the Pharaoh draws it, He'll be able to unleash a force like no other. :'''Joey''': In this card can beat Dartz? :'''Pegasus''': Yes. You see, it was during a trip to Egypt that I was inspired to create the game of duel monsters after making an astonishing discovery. Ancient kings and sorcerers once performed dark rituals to conjure real monsters. These creatures were believed to have lived in a universe parallel to ours, and guarding the gateway to this dominion of the beasts were three legendary dragons known as Timaeus, Critias, and Hermos. But you already know about them, right? :'''Joey''': Right. :'''Pegasus''': What you don't know is that these dragons aren't what they appear to be. They were buried with a dark secret. So I created a card that unlocks this mystery. :'''Yugi''': I don't get it. What's the secret? :'''Pegasus''': I spent many years scouring the globe trying to find an answer to that very question, Yugi boy. First I searched the microscopic world for the tiniest clues. then I scanned the vast reaches of the universe, and still nothing. Other than on stone tablet hidden deep beneath the sands of Egypt, there was no record of the existence of these dragons. Then it dawned on me. What if these dragons aren't dragons at all? What if they're humans! :'''Yugi''': Humans!? But how is that possible, Pegasus? and what does it have to do with that mystery card you gave to the Pharaoh? :'''Pegasus''': During the battle of Atlantis, Dartz transformed three brave knights into dragons in an effort to weaken them. Now the Pharaoh must restore them to their original form... Before we disappear forever! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': ''[shocked by the Pharaoh's Millennium Puzzle preventing the Orichalcos to take his soul]'' Impossible! No one can overcome the power of the Orichalcos! You should have lost the duel! What's going on?! Why didn't the Seal take your soul?! Tell me! :'''Yami Yugi''': You forced me to gaze inside my heart, thinking I would find only darkness. But you were wrong. :'''Dartz''': Then you gazed in the wrong place! :'''Yami Yugi''': Look, believe what you wish, but I know the truth. My heart is filled with the light of friendship, and no magic can take that away, no matter how strong it is. So, thank you. You reminded me that my friends are always with me. And we're going to win this fight and take you down together! Dartz… It all ends right now! ''[draws and gasps; thinking]'' It's the card Pegasus gave me! I can sense it! :'''Dartz''': Well? Get on with it. :'''Yami Yugi''': Do you know what's in my hand? The key to unlocking the secret of the legendary dragons! :'''Dartz''': ''[gasps]'' What?! :'''Yami Yugi''': You heard me. Legend of Heart! I give up 1,000 Life Points and remove my Obnoxious Celtic Guardian from the field! This lets me summon Critias, Hermos, and Timaeus in their true form! :'''Timaeus''': Finally! After 10 millennia in captivity, we've been set free! :'''Dartz''': No! Not them! :''[The three legendary knights appear in their true forms on Yugi's side of the field]'' :'''Timaeus''': I am he who is named Timaeus! :'''Critias''': And I am… Sir Critias! :'''Hermos''': I am known as… Sir Hermos! :'''Legendary Knights''': In the name of Atlantis… we have been reborn! :'''Dartz''': ''[shocked in disbelief]'' I thought I took care of you centuries ago! ''[The three knights slam their swords onto the ground and destroy the Seal of Orichalcos; horrified]'' What have you done?! My precious Seal is gone! :'''Hermos''': Your ring of darkness is useless in our presence! :'''Critias''': Did you forget our last encounter? :'''Timaeus''': I certainly did not. And I have a score to settle with you! :'''Yami Yugi''': The time has come to weaken your defense! ====Part 6==== <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yami Yugi''': You lose, Dartz. Your 10,000 year quest is finally over. :'''Dartz''': It can't be. I've come too close. All I need is one more powerful soul and the Great Leviathan will arise from the depths of the earth. :'''Yami Yugi''': Too little, too late. Your serpent has been destroyed, and with that, our duel come to an end. Now release the souls of my friends and everyone else you've held captive. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Téa''': ''[in tears]'' It is you, Yugi! :'''Yugi''': Téa? :'''Téa''': I thought we'd never see you again! :'''Yugi''': It's good to see you, too. :'''Joey''': All right, Out of my way people. Where's my little buddy? Ha Ha! Yug! Man did I miss this spikey little head. :'''Yugi''': Hey, Joey! :'''Téa''': The gang is back! :'''Tristan''': Don't forget about me! :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi, the Legendary Knights have set you free. :'''Yugi''': Does that mean you beat Dartz? :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes, Yugi. But as soon as our duel ended, he disappeared into some vortex, and I have a bad feeling the worst is yet to come, but at least we'll face it together. <hr width="50%"/> ===''Rise of the Great Beast'' [4.39-40]=== ====Part 1==== :'''Dark Magician Girl''': Monsters, unite. Without us all hope is lost. We must join forces with the humans! And together we shall defeat the Great Beast. Now go! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joey''': That Leviathan's a goner! It's 3 on 1 up there! :'''Kaiba''': I see you can count! Unfortunately, numbers aren't everything! :'''Yugi''': You can do this, Pharaoh! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dartz''': My Leviathan is fueled by the darkness of my prisoners! :'''The Pharaoh''': Wrong, Dartz! I was able to transform the darkness in their hearts to light! A light which now fuels MY beasts! :'''Dartz''': NO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, PHARAOH?!?! :'''Kaiba''': Hey, look! I guess the Gods did pull through! :'''Joey''': Told ya! That means everyone Dartz captured is free! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Rafael''': I'm back. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Yugi''': Look! It’s the portal that led us here! :'''Joey''': Alright! Home sweet home here we come! <hr width="50%"/> ====Part 2==== :'''Dartz''': Now, Great Leviathan! Crush the Pharaoh with his own darkness! :'''Yugi''': Let him go! :'''Yami Yugi''': No! Get back! :'''Yugi''': Huh? :'''Yami Yugi''': This is my fight now, I must prove that my rage is gone! ''[Yugi gasps flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fate of the Pharaoh|Yami Yugi and Rafael's first duel, the Pharaoh activated The Seal of Oricalcos card]]. flashback ends]'' When I played that card, I unlocked the evil in my heart, Ever since then, I’ve been fighting the anger within me, and now it’s destroying me. :'''Yugi''': But you stopped it… Didn’t you? :'''Yami Yugi''': No, Yugi! Listen. Facing you in that duel was a first step, But there’s a long way to go. ''[grunting]'' The darkness… It’s power knows no bounds. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Self Destruction|Yami and Yugi’s duel in the Stone Wasteland]] flashback ends.]'' :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh! Be strong! Focus on the good inside you! Think of your friends! :'''Yami Yugi''': Of course. As long as I’m filled with the light of friendship, Dartz can’t win. ''[Flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#A Duel with Dartz|their duel]] and flashback ends]'' Thanks to my friends, I have enough light to banish the darkness! So with the power of everyone in my heart, I shall seal you away! '''BE GONE!''' :'''Dartz''': Great Leviathan, vanquish the Pharaoh's spirit for all eternity! :'''Yugi''': Get out while you can! :'''Yami Yugi''': You must trust me! :'''Dartz''': '''NO! THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE!''' :''[?]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Man''': The hurricane, It seens to be gone. :'''Captain''': Are you sure you're reading that thing right? :''[Back at Monument Valley, Duke Devlin, Rebecca and Professor Arthur Hawkins saw dark clouds are lifting out to the skylight.]'' :'''Arthur Hawkins''': The Darkness is Lifting. :''[Back at Atlantis]'' :'''Yugi''': You did it. ''[Yami collapses he helps him]'' Hey, are you all right? :'''Yami Yugi''': I'm fine, Yugi, The Great Leviathan is gone. :'''Yugi''': Yeah. Thanks, pal. It's over now. ''[spots at Dartz]'' But what about Dartz? :''[Dartz wakes up his dark side is gone then the light glow when Ironheart, Chris and Skye appears]'' :'''Yami Yugi''': Yugi, Look it's Ironheart, and Chris. :'''Dartz''': Father, Chris, It's you. :'''Chris''': Dad, you're back! :'''Ironheart''': My son, At long last. And you have the great pharaoh to thank. He drove out the evil force that controlled you. :'''Dartz''': Oh. :'''Yami Yugi''': I knew it. Deep down you're a noble ruler, Dartz. :'''Chris''': And a great father! I've missed you so much, Dad. :'''Ironheart''': Your work here is now complete. You may go in place. Great things await you. So return now to your world by stepping through that portal. :'''Yugi''': But what about you? Are you guys gonna be OK? :'''Ironheart''': Yes, For the first time in centuries. :'''Yami Yugi''': Alright, Yugi let's go back home. :''[Pharaoh and Yugi walked toward the portal and looks at Chris, Dartz, Ironheart and Skye and they walked off enter the portal and disappears Chris looks at her father.]'' :'''Chris''': Hey, Dad. We should go too. After all this time, We have a lot of catching up to do. :''[Dartz smiled agreed with his daughter now the Atlantis is going down to the ocean and splashed towards Dartz's lair.]'' :'''Seto Kaiba''': Mokuba! Start the engines! :'''Mokuba Kaiba''': Seto! :'''Seto''': We have to get out of here. :'''Téa Gardner''': Without Yugi? No way. :'''Joey Wheeler''': Eh? :'''Téa''': Don't you know where he is? :'''Joey''': Don't tell me. :'''Téa''': You mean he's still in there!? :'''Mokuba''': Time's running out! :'''Seto''': Mokuba's right. We can't wait. :'''Joey''': Yugi! :'''Tristan Taylor''': Are you nuts man! :'''Joey''': Get your hands off of me Tristan! I’m not leaving here without Yugi! :'''Tristan''': Joey, we have to trust that he found the way out on his own! :'''Joey''': YUGI! :''[the gang hops in the KaibaCorp helicopter and takes off as Dartz's lair is washed down. Inside the helicopter Téa, Rafael, Tristan, Joey, Kaiba and Mokuba.]'' :'''Seto''': Good riddance. :'''Mokuba''': I just hope Yugi wasn't in there. :'''Téa''': Me, too. <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the Hospital Rex and Weevil wakes up was that a dream.]'' :'''Weevil Underwood''': Where am i? Mommy? :'''Rex Raptor''': Hey! Who's said that!? :'''Weevil/Rex''': Huh! Oh! :'''Rex''': What are you doing in my bedroom, Weevil!? :'''Weevil''': Your bedroom!? You're in a hospital, You dimwit! :'''Rex''': What happened!? :'''Weevil''': I know who fault this is. :'''Rex''': ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#On the Wrong Track|Joey's]].'' :'''Weevil''': ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#On the Wrong Track|Yugi's]].'' :'''Both''': '''YOU'RE PAY FOR THIS! YOU HEAR ME!?''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Alister''': Mikey, I know you're out there somewhere, And I'm not gonna stop looking until I find you. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Valon''': ''[wakes up]'' I’m home. ''[thinking]'' Was that all a dream? ''[flashback to [[Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 4)#Fighting for a Friend|Joey and Valon's last duel]]. Flashback ends he gets up the bed and the card fell off he spotted the Harpie Lady card and holds it walked outside the beach house and smiling looked at the sky]'' I'll never forget you. Thanks Mai. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Mai driving on her motorcycle at the beach]'' :'''Mai Valentine''': ''[thinking]'' ''I'm glad that mess is over. Now to pick up the pieces.'' ''[In Mai's flashbacks, it shows the beginning of how she entered the Doma organization, when she met [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#An_Unexpected_Enemy|Yugi's friends and running towards Joey]] [[Yu-Gi-Oh!_(season_4)#Fighting_for_a_Friend|before he became unconscious]]. Flashbacks ends]'' ''Sorry Joey. But I can't face you yet. So I'm gonna hit the road until I'm ready to own up to everything for what have I've done. But I'll be back.'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Dark Magician Girl''': ''[voice-over]'' Yugi, Wake up. :'''Yugi''': ''[wakes up and surprised on the beach and sees the sunset on the ocean.]'' Any idea where we are? :'''Yami Yugi''': It seems we've washed up on shore. But I wonder how. Someone must have guided us here. Hmm. :'''Yugi''': Hey, look! ''[sees Dark Magician Girl along with Timaeus, Hermos and Critias appears]'' It's Dark Magician Girl! :'''Yami Yugi''': And she's brought with her the three legendary knights. :'''Dark Magician Girl''': We four are forever in your debt. Not only have you rescued your own world, But you've saved the creatures of our world as well. Thanks to your fearlessness. The dominion of the beasts can once again flourish just as it did so many years ago. And by breaking the evil spell that imprisoned the legendary knights. They can continue to protect our land. :'''Yugi''': I'm just glad we could help. :'''Timaeus''': Thank you both. You fought bravely. Farewell. :'''Critias''': You two will never be forgotten. :'''Hermos''': For as long as we reign. :'''Yami Yugi''': Well, We couldn't have done it without you. In the face of ultimate darkness, Your couragfousness sparked a light so incredibly strong it will burn for all eternity. :'''Timaeus''': Thank you, Pharaoh. We shall meet again. :''[The legendary knights flying off together.]'' :'''Dark Magician Girl''': The time may come that we need each other again. If so, You know where I'll be. Right there in your deck. :''[she flying off with the legendary knights together then inside the KaibaCorp helicopter]'' :'''Téa''': Look, those weird lights are back. :'''Joey''': Well, that explains why? It's Dark Magician Girl and the three legendary knights. :'''Téa''': I guess they’re going home. Now that their world is safe again. :'''Yugi''': ''[sees "The Eye of Timaeus" card disappears]'' Well, Pharaoh there goes our Timaeus. :'''Yami Yugi''': Yes Yugi, There goes Timaeus. :'''Joey''': ''[sees "The Claw of Hermos" card disappears]'' Well, there goes Hermos. :'''Kaiba''': ''[sees "The Fang of Critias" card disappears]'' Oh well... No big deal. My deck's still unstoppable. :'''Téa''': I hope Yugi's all right. ''[spots Yugi on the island]'' Look! :'''Mokuba''': Huh? :'''Joey''': Eh? :'''Tristan''': Huh? Hey! It's Yugi! :'''Yugi''': Pharaoh! Over there! They made it out! :'''Yami Yugi''': You're right. :''[KaibaCorp helicopter lands on the beach and the door open]'' :'''Joey''': Yugi! :'''Tea''': I knew we find you. :'''Tristan''': Hey man! :'''Joey''': ''[giggling]'' I'll never let this spikey head of yours is outta my sight. :'''Tea''': Is it really all over? :'''Yugi''': Yep, we're safe now. :'''Mokuba''': ''[next to Seto Kaiba behind Rafael]'' Hey, Yugi! :'''Joey''': Let's hit the high road folks, I'm sure there's someone else trying to taking over the world back home. :'''Tristan''': You know the scary thing is he's probably right. :''[The gang hops the KaibaCorp helicopter when Yugi sees the Pharaoh watches the sunsets down the ocean.]'' :'''Tea''': ''[offscreen]'' Yugi, is something wrong? :'''Yugi''': I'll be right there, Tea. ''[The Pharaoh and Yugi looked at each other as the sun going down the ocean.]'' ''[voice over]'' ''We may have stopped Dartz, but the Pharaoh's not done yet. Now he has to pick up where he left off before all this craziness started 'cause the biggest adventure of all is still ahead. And it won't be over till the pharaoh unlocks the secrets of his past. He needs to learn who he really is and why he was sent back here. Maybe then his spirit'll finally be able to rest. Well, no matter what happens, one thing's for sure... whatever he finds out there... and whatever he needs to face... he won't have to do it alone.'' ==External links== {{wikipedia|Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (season 4)}} {{Yu-Gi-Oh!}} [[Category:Yu-Gi-Oh! seasons|4]] [[Category:Children's television seasons]] hkk4nal0pmqmhb5oyd5ot1hhqsrp56b 0 263282 3778869 3768052 2025-07-14T21:13:32Z 2600:1005:B001:4C74:0:7:7AD9:3001 /* Kreepaway Kamp (featuring India de Beaufort, Jess Harnell, Carlos Alazraqui and Kate Higgins) [14.9-14.10] */ 3778869 wikitext text/x-wiki {{DISPLAYTITLE:''SpongeBob SquarePants''/Season 14}} {{SpongeBob header}} '''''[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]''''' (1999-) is an animated TV series, airing on Nickelodeon about the adventures and endeavors of the title character and his various friends in the fictional underwater city of Bikini Bottom. It spawned [[The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie|a movie]], followed by several short films, and video games. ==Episode 1== ===''Single-Celled Defense'' [14.1a]=== :'''Sandy''': Congratulations, Plankton. But remember, this technique is to be used ''[points]'' strictly for self-defense. :'''Plankton''': Oh, of course, Sensei Sandy. ''[leans in]'' Uh, wink? ''[takes off gi]'' Buh-bye! ''[laughs]'' :''[Sandy stares ahead with a blank expression.]'' :'''SpongeBob''': Uh, Sandy? ''[zoom out to show Sandy standing on him]'' Could you give me a ride to the hospital? :'''Sandy''': Whoops! ''[steps off him]'' Oh, sure, SpongeBob. Heh-heh. ---- :'''Mr. Krabs''': Bad news for you, Plankton. ''[gets closer to Plankton's face]'' I don't have any feet! :'''Plankton''': ''[stunned]'' You what? ''[A close-up on Mr. Krabs' feet is shown, but they are very messy. The right foot has plasters and grease, while the left foot has barnacles and grease. A foghorn plays in the background.]'' Just my luck, I guess. ---- :'''Plankton''': ''[sighs]'' Six to eight weeks before I can attack the Krusty Krab again. Oh, well. At least I'm not in traction anymore. ''[a wheelchair wheel rolls over him]'' Augh! :''[Sandy is pushing a bandaged SpongeBob in a wheelchair.]'' :'''SpongeBob''': Oh, boy! Only six to eight weeks before I can work at the Krusty Krab again! ''[Sandy pushes him forward]'' :'''Plankton''': Ouch! Ka-ra-tay is a pain in the-- ''[gets squished against the road]'' ouch! ===''Buff for Puff'' [14.1b]=== :'''Mr. Krabs''': Hey there, ma'am. ''[raises sunglasses]'' Is this beach taken? ''[winks]'' :'''Mrs. Puff''': Oh, my. Eugene, you're so well-defined. ''[sees Mr. Krabs has left]'' Eugene? :''[Pan over to Mr. Krabs surrounded by cheering beachgoers.]'' :'''Mr. Krabs''': Take a look. ''[shows off muscles]'' These are called gains, people. ''[flexes butt]'' Yeah. ''[strains]'' ==Episode 2== ===''We Heart Hoops'' [14.2a]=== ===''SpongeChovy'' [14.2b]=== :'''Realistic Fish Head''': ''[off-screen; the words slide on screen] Breaking News. [the words shatter]'' :'''Gale Doppler''': I'm Gale Doppler with the big weather. And I'd like to report it's sunny skies for Bikini Bottom. But not today, ''[a map of the ocean slides behind him] cause there's a storm warning coming at ya. [an animated image group of faux-chovies is shown] We got a gust of faux-chovies coming in from the southwest. Now with [pokes his eye]'' a closer look, here's our man on the street, Rube Goldfish! :'''Rube''': Thanks, Gale! I'm here with the faux-chovies that are causing all this meep-abaloo. Now I just have to ask the question everyone wants to know. What in the world does "meep" mean? ''[The faux-chovies surround circle Rube and turn him into a faux-chovy. rises from the middle of the circle]'' A-meep-ing! :'''Gale Doppler''': Haha, thanks Rube! So if you don't wanna turn into an anchovy today, you're advised to stay indoors until that faux-chovy pressure system ''[pushes the faux-chovy group image] moves away. Haha. [the image comes back] Huh? [the image jumps at Gale] Whoa! [he falls down and when he gets up, he has the shape of a faux-chovy and his eyes become strabismus]'' Haha, meep! ---- :'''Hans''': ''[opens the roof to the Krusty Krab and meeping is heard, and he has a box of pizza]'' Pizza delivery! :'''Anchovies and faux-chovies''': Huh? ''[they move out of the way and the box drops in the middle of them]'' :'''Anchovies''': Pizza?! ''[runs away back to the bus and it drives away]'' :'''Faux-chovies''': ''[smells the pizza]'' Mmmmm! :'''SpongeBob''': Mmmm, that smells good! ''[turns back into himself]'' Boing! :''[Everyone else turns back into themselves.]'' :'''Mr. Krabs''': ''[walks to SpongeBob]'' Phew! I thought we'd never snap out of that faux-chovy thing! :'''SpongeBob''': Sorry, Mr. Krabs! I didn't realize how easy it is to get swept up into a meep mentality! :'''Mr. Krabs''': It's not your fault, boy-o. We're just lucky that pizza is the anchovies' natural enemy! :'''Rube''': Yeah, whoever ordered that pie saved our lives! ''[he, Lady Upturn, Mrs. Puff, and Pearl open the box of pizza]'' :'''SpongeBob''': And we shouldn't let it go to waste! ''[Patrick rubs his palms together] It's still hot!'' :'''Patrick''': Oh-ho-ho-ho! ''[runs to the box and picks up a slice, walks away, and it falls on him]'' What? No anchovies? ==Episode 3== ===''BassWard'' [14.3a]=== :'''Squidward''': Thanks for the ride! :'''Bubble Bass''': ''[holding up egg salad sandwich]'' And the egg salad sandwiches. ''[shoves the sandwich into his mouth]'' :'''Old Man Jenkins''': You folks are lucky! I was just heading into the city to pick up the new Farmer's Almanac! :'''Bubble Bass''': To celebrate, I think I will have another one of those sandwiches. ''[reaches down into his seat]'' :'''Squidward''': Whoa! You just ate! :'''Bubble Bass''': I can almost reach. ''[plane bends]'' :'''Squidward''': Whoa! :''[The plane forms a crack in the middle.]'' :'''Old Man Jenkins''': Stop shaking the plane or I'll pull this thing right over! ''[The plane breaks in half, and the back half with Squidward and Bubble Bass falls off.]'' Thank you. Much better. ===''Squidiot Box'' [14.3b]=== :'''Squidward''': ''[opens door]'' Hey! ''[walks over to yell]'' Get off my sand! ''[falls into box]'' Whoa! ''[thumping and yelling]'' What's happening? Where am I? ==Episode 4== ===''Blood is Thicker Than Grease'' [14.4a]=== ===''Don't Make Me Laugh (featuring Marion Ross)'' [14.4b]=== ==Episode 5== ===''Momageddon'' [14.5a]=== :'''Margaret''': ''[humming]'' Order up for Old Man Jenkins. One Krabby Patty with crust removed and one side salad. :'''Old Man Jenkins''': I ordered fries, not a salad! :'''Margaret''': The fries are in the salad. :'''Old Man Jenkins''': Okay, I'll try it. ''[takes it]'' But only 'cause I'm so hungry. ''[tastes it, spins around and is now wearing a kid outfit]'' Aha! :'''Customers''': Ooh! :'''Old Man Jenkins''': It reminds me of my mother's cooking when I was but a boy. I'm filled with childish glee! ''[giggles and skips away]'' ===''Pet the Rock (featuring Malcolm McDowell)'' [14.5b]=== :''[The scene bubble wipes to SpongeBob walking Gary to the pet park. He shows Gary to a guard.]'' :'''Guard''': [removes sunglasses] Huh. Alright, go on through. ''[SpongeBob and Gary walk into the park, then Patrick walks to the entrance. stops Patrick with his hand while in a goofy position]'' Hold it right there! I'm gonna need to see some proof of pet. :'''Patrick''': Of course! ''[holds up his "pet," which is just a rock]'' :'''Guard''': [takes off his sunglasses] That's a rock. :'''Patrick''': Yeah! His name is Rolly! :'''Guard''': I don't see how this thing is a pet? :'''Patrick''': [tosses Rolly onto the guard's face] Oh, here! Take a closer look! [Rolly rolls off the guards face, and the guard falls down.] :'''Guard''': Oh, yes, he's adorable! Go right in! [face falls flat] ==Episode 6== ===''Tango Tangle (featuring Rosie Perez)'' [14.6a]=== :'''Suzie''': [as Plankton stands up and tries to keep his balance] Legs ain't your problem, honey. If you want to tango, you got to learn to dance with your [moves hips] hips. :'''Plankton''': With my lips? [live-action close-up of him moving his lips] This isn't working. :'''Karen''': [eyes roll off her screen] Ugh. :'''Suzie''': That's because I said hips! Watch me. All you got to do is... [moves hips] :'''Karen''': Wow, your hips are so hip. You got your work cut out for you, Sheldon. :'''Plankton''': My hips can't do that. :'''Suzie''': Of course they can. You got to force them to do it. ''[holds onto Plankton and Karen]'' The tango is physical, ''[dances with Karen]'' emotional, and most importantly, ''[pushes the two out of the way]'' aggressive. :'''Plankton and Karen''': What? :'''Plankton''': Aggressive? ''[grinning evilly with Karen]'' Now you're talking my language. :'''Karen''': Yeah, we speak fluent aggression. :'''Suzie''': Good. Tap into that aggression and put it in your ''[flexes arm]'' hips. Now, abrazo. ''[slams hands together]'' Embrace! :'''Plankton and Karen''': ''[grabbing onto each other]'' Abrazo. ===''Necro-Nom-Nom-Nom-I-Con'' [14.6b]=== :'''Evil Witch''': ''[reading the directions on Mr. Krabs' cookbook]'' A cup of milk? Two eggs? A loaf of bread? And kelp sugar? Eh, all right. ''[puts the ingredients in a cauldron]'' Shoo. ''[a plate of French toast floats up]'' French toast? ''[taps her wand in the green substance and hash browns, quiche, and huevos rancheros float up]'' Hash browns? Quiche? Huevos rancheros? What the heck? What's wrong with this blasted spellbook? ''[grabs the cookbook and reads the name]'' "Uncle Jimmy's Breakfast Magic"? It's a cookbook! Oh... I better find out who got my spell book, and fast. ''[the plate of quiche bumps into her arm] Huh?'' Right ''[the wand transforms into a fork]'' after I finish my quiche. :''[Bubble transition back to inside the Krusty Krab, where the customers are still in the breakfast transformations with SpongeBob, Squidward, and Mr. Krabs in worry.]'' :'''Squidward''': Why is this happening? :'''SpongeBob''': Maybe all the weird stuff I've been cooking caused all of this. ''[Squidward looks at him unamused, and SpongeBob chuckles nervously]'' Would explain the ''[the Necronomicon book flies out the order window]'' cauldron too. ''[points to the Necronomicon flying]'' And the flying cookbook. :''[The cookbook flies to the front of the restaurant and emits a green light, which grabs various breakfast items to create a body.]'' :'''SpongeBob''': ''[as the cookbook forms the items into a body]'" The cookbook is using tasty breakfast treats to create a monster! :''[The cookbook roars and everyone in the restaurant screams. The Evil Witch appears with a purple cloud emit.]'' :'''Evil Witch''': Oh, so this is where my spell book went. :''[The breakfast monster kicks barrels and a table away, breaks off another table and throws it at SpongeBob, Squidward, and Mr. Krabs - which they duck.]'' :'''Mr. Krabs''': Ooh, a customer! Take her order, Squidward. :'''Evil Witch''': Uh, thanks, but I couldn't eat another bite! ''[belches]'' I'm here to swap books with ya. I think my spell book got mixed with your cookbook. ==Episode 7== ===''PL-1413'' [14.7a]=== :'''Future Karen''': ''[phases through the Chrome Bucket as a chrome orb]'' Sheldon, welcome home. :'''Plankton''': Karen, is that you? I see you've had some work done. :'''Future Karen''': Uh-huh. And that's not the only work I've been doing. :'''Plankton''': Ooh. ''[rubbing hands]'' Have you completed some kind of deadly destructive robot? :'''Future Karen''': Negative. ''[displays an easel]'' I have been working on my art pieces. ''[sprays a gray background with two squiggly lines]'' I'm quite successful, in fact. ''[A couple appears.]'' :'''Wife''': Oh, honey, ''[pointing]'' this would match the couch in the living room. :'''Husband''': We'll ''[holds up chrome money]'' take it. ''[Future Karen takes the money, then the couple walk off with the painting]'' ===''In the Mood to Feud'' [14.7b]=== :'''Pa Narwhal''': [pointing] Say, man, is that pink city slicker with you? ''[Patrick is sucking up an entire tree, swallows, and sighs to let out a bumble jelly]'' He sure is brave. :'''SpongeBob''': Brave? :'''Ma Narwhal''': Yup. The only reason the bumble jellies let us collect their jelly is because we allow 'em to sting us. ''[knocks over her husband, laughs]'' :'''Sandy''': You let them sting you? :'''Ma Narwhal''': ''[shows off her sting-covered arm]'' Darn tootin'! ==Episode 8== ===''Mooned!'' [14.8a]=== :'''Kevin''': I'm not really sure about you ''[fixes his glasses]'' finally catching your own jellyfish, SpongeBob. :'''SpongeBob''': I'll catch a jellyfish, ''[holds his net to the sky]'' no matter how it'll take! I'm gonna become the new leader of the Jellyspotters! ===''Hysterical History'' [14.8b]=== ==''[[Kreepaway Kamp]]'' (featuring India de Beaufort, Jess Harnell, Carlos Alazraqui and Kate Higgins) [14.9-14.10]== :''[Bubble transition to SpongeBob, Patrick, and Sandy, wearing backpacks, leaving the treedome.]'' :'''Patrick:''' Oh, boy, I can't wait to go back to Kamp Koral! :'''SpongeBob:''' Yeah, but how are we gonna get there? My unicycle's in the shop. :'''Sandy:''' Well-- :'''Patrick:''' I know! We could prance! :'''SpongeBob:''' Oh, boy! I haven't pranced in ages! :''[They take each other's hands, sing, and start skipping. SpongeBob grabs Sandy's hand and she joins in. Shortly after, they are stopped by a bus arriving. Krabs comes out.]'' :'''Krabs:''' Just get on the bus. :'''SpongeBob:''' Oh, yeah, the bus. :'''Patrick:''' ''[mumbling]'' :'''Sandy:''' Yeah, I do suppose that makes sense. :''[They get on the bus. It drives past a "You Are Now Leaving Bikini Bottom" sign. Tall Tail runs behind.]'' :'''Tall Tail:''' ''[panting]'' Wait for me, dudes! :''[SpongeBob looks over at everyone on the bus and imagines them as their younger Kamp Koral selves.]'' :'''Bubble Bass:''' And that's why Barnacle Boy, with both hands... ''[anchovies meeping]'' :'''Anchovies:''' ''[meeping]'' :'''Chovy:''' Moop moop moop. :'''Craig and Larry:''' ''[laughing]'' :'''Patrick:''' ''[opens the window, sticks his tongue out]'' :'''Sandy:''' ''[pulls him back inside, his tongue wraps around his head]'' :'''Patrick:''' ''[laughing]'' :''[Mr. Krabs still looks very old.]'' :'''Krabs:''' What are you looking at, boy-o? ''[fades into his present-day outfit, but still looks old]'' :'''SpongeBob:''' ''[admiring]'' ''[sighs]'' You haven't changed a bit since camp, Mr. Krabs. ''[walks out to the front of the bus, waves]'' Greetings, fellow campers! ''[pulls pants up]'' I'd like to personally thank whoever invited us to the big reunion! So, ''[swings hand]'' who was it? :'''Bus riders:''' ''[overlapping chatter]'' Not me! :'''Krabs:''' Oh, well. We're sure to know when we get there. Next stop, Kamp Money! :''[The bus riders stare at him with blank expressions.]'' :'''Mrs. Puff:''' Eugene! :'''Krabs:''' I mean, ''[leans forward]'' Kamp Koral! :''[Everyone on the bus cheers. Tall Tail is now riding on top of it.]'' :'''Tall Tail:''' Yeah! Whoo! :''[Bubble transition to the bus arriving in front of camp. Everyone steps out.]'' :'''SpongeBob:''' ''[takes out a picture, which shows a CGI scene at Kamp Koral]'' Ah, good old Kamp Koral. ''[lowers it to see the sign collapsed]'' It seems different somehow. :'''Patrick:''' ''[points to the sign]'' Looks like they changed the name to Ka-Ka. :'''Mrs. Puff:''' ''[over a pan to the camp in disrepair]'' Well, I must say, the place has really gone to pot. :''[Pearl and Bubble Bass walk forward.]'' :'''Sandy:''' ''[shakes fist]'' Well, I think someone is pulling a fast one with this reunion. :'''Krabs:''' ''[baby talking to nickel]'' Don't listen to her, little nickel. We'll find your friends soon. ''[puts the map under his armpit and tiptoes away]'' :'''Pearl:''' ''[struggles to exit a cabin]'' This place is, like, way smaller than I remember. :'''Bubble Bass:''' ''[pushes up glasses]'' It's not smaller. You're just bigger. But it is a lot crummier. ''[leans against a barrel, which breaks]'' Agh! :'''Pearl:''' ''[laughs]'' ==''Snow Yellow and the Seven Jellies'' [14.11]== ==Episode 12== ===''The Dirty Bubble Bass'' [14.12a]=== :'''Dirty Bubble''': Yes! I'm free! :'''Bubble Bass''': The Dirty Bubble! :'''Dirty Bubble''': You chewing that crusty gum has freed me from Mermaid Man's bubblegum trap! What's your name, my bulbous buddy? :'''Bubble Bass''': B-B-Bubble Bass? :'''Dirty Bubble''': What a perfect name for my new sidekick. Or should I say, in-sidekick? ''[swallows Bubble Bass and the tub whole, then spits out the tub, screaming, stretching in the Dirty Bubble]'' Let me out! ''[laughs as he retracts to fit Bubble Bass' shape]'' Oh! As a reward for releasing me, you're my new partner in crime. :'''Mama Bass'': ''[opens bathroom door while holding a basket of laundry]'' What's going on in--? Huh? Bubble Bass! You're even filthier than before you took a bath! :'''Bubble Bass''': It's not my fault, Mother. I'm trapped inside this foul felon! ===''Sheldon SquarePants'' [14.12b]=== ==''Sandy's Country Christmas (featuring Lewis Black, Johnny Knoxville, Grey Delisle, and Craig Robinson)'' [14.13]== ==Cast== *Tom Kenny as SpongeBob, French Narrator, Old Man Walker, Male Customer #2, Male Dancer #2, Dancers, Customers, Kid Beachgoer, Gym Bros, Beachgoers, Fans, Hoops, Gary, Sea Cow, Hans, Fifi, Faux-chovies, Anchovies *Clancy Brown as Mr. Krabs, Male Customer #1, Gym Bros, Beachgoers, Fans, Snappy, Construction Guy, Faux-chovies, Anchovies *Carolyn Lawrence as Sandy, Female Customer #1, Dancers, Customers, Female Beachgoer, Volleyball Girl, Beachgoers, Fans *Mr. Lawrence as Plankton, Fred, Dancers, Customers, Larry the Lobster, Volleyball Guy, TV Announcer, Gale Doppler, Rube Goldfish, Anchovy Leader, Skater #2 *Dee Bradley Baker as Bubble Bass, Shady Guy, Male Dancer #1, Dancers, Customers, Craig Mammalton, Ajax Magee, Kids, Mailman *Jill Talley as Karen, Lady, Customers *Rodger Bumpass as Fondue Man, Gym Bros, Beachgoers, Fans, Squidward, Anchovy #1, Phone Repairman, Pizza Guy, Faux-chovies, Anchovies *Mary Jo Catlett as Mrs. Puff, Puffy *Sirena Irwin as Mo, Female Spotter, Beachgoers, Fans, Lady Upturn, Female Customer, Faux-chovies, Anchovies *Bill Fagerbakke as Patrick, Kids, Skater #1, Faux-chovies, Anchovies ==External links== {{Wikipedia|SpongeBob SquarePants (season 14)}} [[Category:SpongeBob SquarePants seasons]] [[Category:SpongeBob SquarePants]] awsg7b0f60s62hjueut7r6norvi3n1e 3778871 3778869 2025-07-14T21:14:46Z 2600:1005:B001:4C74:0:7:7AD9:3001 /* We ❤️ Hoops (featuring Cree Summer and Dana Sydner) [14.2a] */ 3778871 wikitext text/x-wiki {{DISPLAYTITLE:''SpongeBob SquarePants''/Season 14}} {{SpongeBob header}} '''''[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]''''' (1999-) is an animated TV series, airing on Nickelodeon about the adventures and endeavors of the title character and his various friends in the fictional underwater city of Bikini Bottom. It spawned [[The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie|a movie]], followed by several short films, and video games. ==Episode 1== ===''Single-Celled Defense'' [14.1a]=== :'''Sandy''': Congratulations, Plankton. But remember, this technique is to be used ''[points]'' strictly for self-defense. :'''Plankton''': Oh, of course, Sensei Sandy. ''[leans in]'' Uh, wink? ''[takes off gi]'' Buh-bye! ''[laughs]'' :''[Sandy stares ahead with a blank expression.]'' :'''SpongeBob''': Uh, Sandy? ''[zoom out to show Sandy standing on him]'' Could you give me a ride to the hospital? :'''Sandy''': Whoops! ''[steps off him]'' Oh, sure, SpongeBob. Heh-heh. ---- :'''Mr. Krabs''': Bad news for you, Plankton. ''[gets closer to Plankton's face]'' I don't have any feet! :'''Plankton''': ''[stunned]'' You what? ''[A close-up on Mr. Krabs' feet is shown, but they are very messy. The right foot has plasters and grease, while the left foot has barnacles and grease. A foghorn plays in the background.]'' Just my luck, I guess. ---- :'''Plankton''': ''[sighs]'' Six to eight weeks before I can attack the Krusty Krab again. Oh, well. At least I'm not in traction anymore. ''[a wheelchair wheel rolls over him]'' Augh! :''[Sandy is pushing a bandaged SpongeBob in a wheelchair.]'' :'''SpongeBob''': Oh, boy! Only six to eight weeks before I can work at the Krusty Krab again! ''[Sandy pushes him forward]'' :'''Plankton''': Ouch! Ka-ra-tay is a pain in the-- ''[gets squished against the road]'' ouch! ===''Buff for Puff'' [14.1b]=== :'''Mr. Krabs''': Hey there, ma'am. ''[raises sunglasses]'' Is this beach taken? ''[winks]'' :'''Mrs. Puff''': Oh, my. Eugene, you're so well-defined. ''[sees Mr. Krabs has left]'' Eugene? :''[Pan over to Mr. Krabs surrounded by cheering beachgoers.]'' :'''Mr. Krabs''': Take a look. ''[shows off muscles]'' These are called gains, people. ''[flexes butt]'' Yeah. ''[strains]'' ==Episode 2== ===''We ❤️ Hoops'' (featuring Cree Summer and Dana Sydner) [14.2a]=== ===''SpongeChovy'' [14.2b]=== :'''Realistic Fish Head''': ''[off-screen; the words slide on screen] Breaking News. [the words shatter]'' :'''Gale Doppler''': I'm Gale Doppler with the big weather. And I'd like to report it's sunny skies for Bikini Bottom. But not today, ''[a map of the ocean slides behind him] cause there's a storm warning coming at ya. [an animated image group of faux-chovies is shown] We got a gust of faux-chovies coming in from the southwest. Now with [pokes his eye]'' a closer look, here's our man on the street, Rube Goldfish! :'''Rube''': Thanks, Gale! I'm here with the faux-chovies that are causing all this meep-abaloo. Now I just have to ask the question everyone wants to know. What in the world does "meep" mean? ''[The faux-chovies surround circle Rube and turn him into a faux-chovy. rises from the middle of the circle]'' A-meep-ing! :'''Gale Doppler''': Haha, thanks Rube! So if you don't wanna turn into an anchovy today, you're advised to stay indoors until that faux-chovy pressure system ''[pushes the faux-chovy group image] moves away. Haha. [the image comes back] Huh? [the image jumps at Gale] Whoa! [he falls down and when he gets up, he has the shape of a faux-chovy and his eyes become strabismus]'' Haha, meep! ---- :'''Hans''': ''[opens the roof to the Krusty Krab and meeping is heard, and he has a box of pizza]'' Pizza delivery! :'''Anchovies and faux-chovies''': Huh? ''[they move out of the way and the box drops in the middle of them]'' :'''Anchovies''': Pizza?! ''[runs away back to the bus and it drives away]'' :'''Faux-chovies''': ''[smells the pizza]'' Mmmmm! :'''SpongeBob''': Mmmm, that smells good! ''[turns back into himself]'' Boing! :''[Everyone else turns back into themselves.]'' :'''Mr. Krabs''': ''[walks to SpongeBob]'' Phew! I thought we'd never snap out of that faux-chovy thing! :'''SpongeBob''': Sorry, Mr. Krabs! I didn't realize how easy it is to get swept up into a meep mentality! :'''Mr. Krabs''': It's not your fault, boy-o. We're just lucky that pizza is the anchovies' natural enemy! :'''Rube''': Yeah, whoever ordered that pie saved our lives! ''[he, Lady Upturn, Mrs. Puff, and Pearl open the box of pizza]'' :'''SpongeBob''': And we shouldn't let it go to waste! ''[Patrick rubs his palms together] It's still hot!'' :'''Patrick''': Oh-ho-ho-ho! ''[runs to the box and picks up a slice, walks away, and it falls on him]'' What? No anchovies? ==Episode 3== ===''BassWard'' [14.3a]=== :'''Squidward''': Thanks for the ride! :'''Bubble Bass''': ''[holding up egg salad sandwich]'' And the egg salad sandwiches. ''[shoves the sandwich into his mouth]'' :'''Old Man Jenkins''': You folks are lucky! I was just heading into the city to pick up the new Farmer's Almanac! :'''Bubble Bass''': To celebrate, I think I will have another one of those sandwiches. ''[reaches down into his seat]'' :'''Squidward''': Whoa! You just ate! :'''Bubble Bass''': I can almost reach. ''[plane bends]'' :'''Squidward''': Whoa! :''[The plane forms a crack in the middle.]'' :'''Old Man Jenkins''': Stop shaking the plane or I'll pull this thing right over! ''[The plane breaks in half, and the back half with Squidward and Bubble Bass falls off.]'' Thank you. Much better. ===''Squidiot Box'' [14.3b]=== :'''Squidward''': ''[opens door]'' Hey! ''[walks over to yell]'' Get off my sand! ''[falls into box]'' Whoa! ''[thumping and yelling]'' What's happening? Where am I? ==Episode 4== ===''Blood is Thicker Than Grease'' [14.4a]=== ===''Don't Make Me Laugh (featuring Marion Ross)'' [14.4b]=== ==Episode 5== ===''Momageddon'' [14.5a]=== :'''Margaret''': ''[humming]'' Order up for Old Man Jenkins. One Krabby Patty with crust removed and one side salad. :'''Old Man Jenkins''': I ordered fries, not a salad! :'''Margaret''': The fries are in the salad. :'''Old Man Jenkins''': Okay, I'll try it. ''[takes it]'' But only 'cause I'm so hungry. ''[tastes it, spins around and is now wearing a kid outfit]'' Aha! :'''Customers''': Ooh! :'''Old Man Jenkins''': It reminds me of my mother's cooking when I was but a boy. I'm filled with childish glee! ''[giggles and skips away]'' ===''Pet the Rock (featuring Malcolm McDowell)'' [14.5b]=== :''[The scene bubble wipes to SpongeBob walking Gary to the pet park. He shows Gary to a guard.]'' :'''Guard''': [removes sunglasses] Huh. Alright, go on through. ''[SpongeBob and Gary walk into the park, then Patrick walks to the entrance. stops Patrick with his hand while in a goofy position]'' Hold it right there! I'm gonna need to see some proof of pet. :'''Patrick''': Of course! ''[holds up his "pet," which is just a rock]'' :'''Guard''': [takes off his sunglasses] That's a rock. :'''Patrick''': Yeah! His name is Rolly! :'''Guard''': I don't see how this thing is a pet? :'''Patrick''': [tosses Rolly onto the guard's face] Oh, here! Take a closer look! [Rolly rolls off the guards face, and the guard falls down.] :'''Guard''': Oh, yes, he's adorable! Go right in! [face falls flat] ==Episode 6== ===''Tango Tangle (featuring Rosie Perez)'' [14.6a]=== :'''Suzie''': [as Plankton stands up and tries to keep his balance] Legs ain't your problem, honey. If you want to tango, you got to learn to dance with your [moves hips] hips. :'''Plankton''': With my lips? [live-action close-up of him moving his lips] This isn't working. :'''Karen''': [eyes roll off her screen] Ugh. :'''Suzie''': That's because I said hips! Watch me. All you got to do is... [moves hips] :'''Karen''': Wow, your hips are so hip. You got your work cut out for you, Sheldon. :'''Plankton''': My hips can't do that. :'''Suzie''': Of course they can. You got to force them to do it. ''[holds onto Plankton and Karen]'' The tango is physical, ''[dances with Karen]'' emotional, and most importantly, ''[pushes the two out of the way]'' aggressive. :'''Plankton and Karen''': What? :'''Plankton''': Aggressive? ''[grinning evilly with Karen]'' Now you're talking my language. :'''Karen''': Yeah, we speak fluent aggression. :'''Suzie''': Good. Tap into that aggression and put it in your ''[flexes arm]'' hips. Now, abrazo. ''[slams hands together]'' Embrace! :'''Plankton and Karen''': ''[grabbing onto each other]'' Abrazo. ===''Necro-Nom-Nom-Nom-I-Con'' [14.6b]=== :'''Evil Witch''': ''[reading the directions on Mr. Krabs' cookbook]'' A cup of milk? Two eggs? A loaf of bread? And kelp sugar? Eh, all right. ''[puts the ingredients in a cauldron]'' Shoo. ''[a plate of French toast floats up]'' French toast? ''[taps her wand in the green substance and hash browns, quiche, and huevos rancheros float up]'' Hash browns? Quiche? Huevos rancheros? What the heck? What's wrong with this blasted spellbook? ''[grabs the cookbook and reads the name]'' "Uncle Jimmy's Breakfast Magic"? It's a cookbook! Oh... I better find out who got my spell book, and fast. ''[the plate of quiche bumps into her arm] Huh?'' Right ''[the wand transforms into a fork]'' after I finish my quiche. :''[Bubble transition back to inside the Krusty Krab, where the customers are still in the breakfast transformations with SpongeBob, Squidward, and Mr. Krabs in worry.]'' :'''Squidward''': Why is this happening? :'''SpongeBob''': Maybe all the weird stuff I've been cooking caused all of this. ''[Squidward looks at him unamused, and SpongeBob chuckles nervously]'' Would explain the ''[the Necronomicon book flies out the order window]'' cauldron too. ''[points to the Necronomicon flying]'' And the flying cookbook. :''[The cookbook flies to the front of the restaurant and emits a green light, which grabs various breakfast items to create a body.]'' :'''SpongeBob''': ''[as the cookbook forms the items into a body]'" The cookbook is using tasty breakfast treats to create a monster! :''[The cookbook roars and everyone in the restaurant screams. The Evil Witch appears with a purple cloud emit.]'' :'''Evil Witch''': Oh, so this is where my spell book went. :''[The breakfast monster kicks barrels and a table away, breaks off another table and throws it at SpongeBob, Squidward, and Mr. Krabs - which they duck.]'' :'''Mr. Krabs''': Ooh, a customer! Take her order, Squidward. :'''Evil Witch''': Uh, thanks, but I couldn't eat another bite! ''[belches]'' I'm here to swap books with ya. I think my spell book got mixed with your cookbook. ==Episode 7== ===''PL-1413'' [14.7a]=== :'''Future Karen''': ''[phases through the Chrome Bucket as a chrome orb]'' Sheldon, welcome home. :'''Plankton''': Karen, is that you? I see you've had some work done. :'''Future Karen''': Uh-huh. And that's not the only work I've been doing. :'''Plankton''': Ooh. ''[rubbing hands]'' Have you completed some kind of deadly destructive robot? :'''Future Karen''': Negative. ''[displays an easel]'' I have been working on my art pieces. ''[sprays a gray background with two squiggly lines]'' I'm quite successful, in fact. ''[A couple appears.]'' :'''Wife''': Oh, honey, ''[pointing]'' this would match the couch in the living room. :'''Husband''': We'll ''[holds up chrome money]'' take it. ''[Future Karen takes the money, then the couple walk off with the painting]'' ===''In the Mood to Feud'' [14.7b]=== :'''Pa Narwhal''': [pointing] Say, man, is that pink city slicker with you? ''[Patrick is sucking up an entire tree, swallows, and sighs to let out a bumble jelly]'' He sure is brave. :'''SpongeBob''': Brave? :'''Ma Narwhal''': Yup. The only reason the bumble jellies let us collect their jelly is because we allow 'em to sting us. ''[knocks over her husband, laughs]'' :'''Sandy''': You let them sting you? :'''Ma Narwhal''': ''[shows off her sting-covered arm]'' Darn tootin'! ==Episode 8== ===''Mooned!'' [14.8a]=== :'''Kevin''': I'm not really sure about you ''[fixes his glasses]'' finally catching your own jellyfish, SpongeBob. :'''SpongeBob''': I'll catch a jellyfish, ''[holds his net to the sky]'' no matter how it'll take! I'm gonna become the new leader of the Jellyspotters! ===''Hysterical History'' [14.8b]=== ==''[[Kreepaway Kamp]]'' (featuring India de Beaufort, Jess Harnell, Carlos Alazraqui and Kate Higgins) [14.9-14.10]== :''[Bubble transition to SpongeBob, Patrick, and Sandy, wearing backpacks, leaving the treedome.]'' :'''Patrick:''' Oh, boy, I can't wait to go back to Kamp Koral! :'''SpongeBob:''' Yeah, but how are we gonna get there? My unicycle's in the shop. :'''Sandy:''' Well-- :'''Patrick:''' I know! We could prance! :'''SpongeBob:''' Oh, boy! I haven't pranced in ages! :''[They take each other's hands, sing, and start skipping. SpongeBob grabs Sandy's hand and she joins in. Shortly after, they are stopped by a bus arriving. Krabs comes out.]'' :'''Krabs:''' Just get on the bus. :'''SpongeBob:''' Oh, yeah, the bus. :'''Patrick:''' ''[mumbling]'' :'''Sandy:''' Yeah, I do suppose that makes sense. :''[They get on the bus. It drives past a "You Are Now Leaving Bikini Bottom" sign. Tall Tail runs behind.]'' :'''Tall Tail:''' ''[panting]'' Wait for me, dudes! :''[SpongeBob looks over at everyone on the bus and imagines them as their younger Kamp Koral selves.]'' :'''Bubble Bass:''' And that's why Barnacle Boy, with both hands... ''[anchovies meeping]'' :'''Anchovies:''' ''[meeping]'' :'''Chovy:''' Moop moop moop. :'''Craig and Larry:''' ''[laughing]'' :'''Patrick:''' ''[opens the window, sticks his tongue out]'' :'''Sandy:''' ''[pulls him back inside, his tongue wraps around his head]'' :'''Patrick:''' ''[laughing]'' :''[Mr. Krabs still looks very old.]'' :'''Krabs:''' What are you looking at, boy-o? ''[fades into his present-day outfit, but still looks old]'' :'''SpongeBob:''' ''[admiring]'' ''[sighs]'' You haven't changed a bit since camp, Mr. Krabs. ''[walks out to the front of the bus, waves]'' Greetings, fellow campers! ''[pulls pants up]'' I'd like to personally thank whoever invited us to the big reunion! So, ''[swings hand]'' who was it? :'''Bus riders:''' ''[overlapping chatter]'' Not me! :'''Krabs:''' Oh, well. We're sure to know when we get there. Next stop, Kamp Money! :''[The bus riders stare at him with blank expressions.]'' :'''Mrs. Puff:''' Eugene! :'''Krabs:''' I mean, ''[leans forward]'' Kamp Koral! :''[Everyone on the bus cheers. Tall Tail is now riding on top of it.]'' :'''Tall Tail:''' Yeah! Whoo! :''[Bubble transition to the bus arriving in front of camp. Everyone steps out.]'' :'''SpongeBob:''' ''[takes out a picture, which shows a CGI scene at Kamp Koral]'' Ah, good old Kamp Koral. ''[lowers it to see the sign collapsed]'' It seems different somehow. :'''Patrick:''' ''[points to the sign]'' Looks like they changed the name to Ka-Ka. :'''Mrs. Puff:''' ''[over a pan to the camp in disrepair]'' Well, I must say, the place has really gone to pot. :''[Pearl and Bubble Bass walk forward.]'' :'''Sandy:''' ''[shakes fist]'' Well, I think someone is pulling a fast one with this reunion. :'''Krabs:''' ''[baby talking to nickel]'' Don't listen to her, little nickel. We'll find your friends soon. ''[puts the map under his armpit and tiptoes away]'' :'''Pearl:''' ''[struggles to exit a cabin]'' This place is, like, way smaller than I remember. :'''Bubble Bass:''' ''[pushes up glasses]'' It's not smaller. You're just bigger. But it is a lot crummier. ''[leans against a barrel, which breaks]'' Agh! :'''Pearl:''' ''[laughs]'' ==''Snow Yellow and the Seven Jellies'' [14.11]== ==Episode 12== ===''The Dirty Bubble Bass'' [14.12a]=== :'''Dirty Bubble''': Yes! I'm free! :'''Bubble Bass''': The Dirty Bubble! :'''Dirty Bubble''': You chewing that crusty gum has freed me from Mermaid Man's bubblegum trap! What's your name, my bulbous buddy? :'''Bubble Bass''': B-B-Bubble Bass? :'''Dirty Bubble''': What a perfect name for my new sidekick. Or should I say, in-sidekick? ''[swallows Bubble Bass and the tub whole, then spits out the tub, screaming, stretching in the Dirty Bubble]'' Let me out! ''[laughs as he retracts to fit Bubble Bass' shape]'' Oh! As a reward for releasing me, you're my new partner in crime. :'''Mama Bass'': ''[opens bathroom door while holding a basket of laundry]'' What's going on in--? Huh? Bubble Bass! You're even filthier than before you took a bath! :'''Bubble Bass''': It's not my fault, Mother. I'm trapped inside this foul felon! ===''Sheldon SquarePants'' [14.12b]=== ==''Sandy's Country Christmas (featuring Lewis Black, Johnny Knoxville, Grey Delisle, and Craig Robinson)'' [14.13]== ==Cast== *Tom Kenny as SpongeBob, French Narrator, Old Man Walker, Male Customer #2, Male Dancer #2, Dancers, Customers, Kid Beachgoer, Gym Bros, Beachgoers, Fans, Hoops, Gary, Sea Cow, Hans, Fifi, Faux-chovies, Anchovies *Clancy Brown as Mr. Krabs, Male Customer #1, Gym Bros, Beachgoers, Fans, Snappy, Construction Guy, Faux-chovies, Anchovies *Carolyn Lawrence as Sandy, Female Customer #1, Dancers, Customers, Female Beachgoer, Volleyball Girl, Beachgoers, Fans *Mr. Lawrence as Plankton, Fred, Dancers, Customers, Larry the Lobster, Volleyball Guy, TV Announcer, Gale Doppler, Rube Goldfish, Anchovy Leader, Skater #2 *Dee Bradley Baker as Bubble Bass, Shady Guy, Male Dancer #1, Dancers, Customers, Craig Mammalton, Ajax Magee, Kids, Mailman *Jill Talley as Karen, Lady, Customers *Rodger Bumpass as Fondue Man, Gym Bros, Beachgoers, Fans, Squidward, Anchovy #1, Phone Repairman, Pizza Guy, Faux-chovies, Anchovies *Mary Jo Catlett as Mrs. Puff, Puffy *Sirena Irwin as Mo, Female Spotter, Beachgoers, Fans, Lady Upturn, Female Customer, Faux-chovies, Anchovies *Bill Fagerbakke as Patrick, Kids, Skater #1, Faux-chovies, Anchovies ==External links== {{Wikipedia|SpongeBob SquarePants (season 14)}} [[Category:SpongeBob SquarePants seasons]] [[Category:SpongeBob SquarePants]] kw0eri4vvnh5nsf4zo6lp2nxev9zwqd 3778872 3778871 2025-07-14T21:15:07Z 2600:1005:B001:4C74:0:7:7AD9:3001 /* Snow Yellow [14.11] */ 3778872 wikitext text/x-wiki {{DISPLAYTITLE:''SpongeBob SquarePants''/Season 14}} {{SpongeBob header}} '''''[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]''''' (1999-) is an animated TV series, airing on Nickelodeon about the adventures and endeavors of the title character and his various friends in the fictional underwater city of Bikini Bottom. It spawned [[The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie|a movie]], followed by several short films, and video games. ==Episode 1== ===''Single-Celled Defense'' [14.1a]=== :'''Sandy''': Congratulations, Plankton. But remember, this technique is to be used ''[points]'' strictly for self-defense. :'''Plankton''': Oh, of course, Sensei Sandy. ''[leans in]'' Uh, wink? ''[takes off gi]'' Buh-bye! ''[laughs]'' :''[Sandy stares ahead with a blank expression.]'' :'''SpongeBob''': Uh, Sandy? ''[zoom out to show Sandy standing on him]'' Could you give me a ride to the hospital? :'''Sandy''': Whoops! ''[steps off him]'' Oh, sure, SpongeBob. Heh-heh. ---- :'''Mr. Krabs''': Bad news for you, Plankton. ''[gets closer to Plankton's face]'' I don't have any feet! :'''Plankton''': ''[stunned]'' You what? ''[A close-up on Mr. Krabs' feet is shown, but they are very messy. The right foot has plasters and grease, while the left foot has barnacles and grease. A foghorn plays in the background.]'' Just my luck, I guess. ---- :'''Plankton''': ''[sighs]'' Six to eight weeks before I can attack the Krusty Krab again. Oh, well. At least I'm not in traction anymore. ''[a wheelchair wheel rolls over him]'' Augh! :''[Sandy is pushing a bandaged SpongeBob in a wheelchair.]'' :'''SpongeBob''': Oh, boy! Only six to eight weeks before I can work at the Krusty Krab again! ''[Sandy pushes him forward]'' :'''Plankton''': Ouch! Ka-ra-tay is a pain in the-- ''[gets squished against the road]'' ouch! ===''Buff for Puff'' [14.1b]=== :'''Mr. Krabs''': Hey there, ma'am. ''[raises sunglasses]'' Is this beach taken? ''[winks]'' :'''Mrs. Puff''': Oh, my. Eugene, you're so well-defined. ''[sees Mr. Krabs has left]'' Eugene? :''[Pan over to Mr. Krabs surrounded by cheering beachgoers.]'' :'''Mr. Krabs''': Take a look. ''[shows off muscles]'' These are called gains, people. ''[flexes butt]'' Yeah. ''[strains]'' ==Episode 2== ===''We ❤️ Hoops'' (featuring Cree Summer and Dana Sydner) [14.2a]=== ===''SpongeChovy'' [14.2b]=== :'''Realistic Fish Head''': ''[off-screen; the words slide on screen] Breaking News. [the words shatter]'' :'''Gale Doppler''': I'm Gale Doppler with the big weather. And I'd like to report it's sunny skies for Bikini Bottom. But not today, ''[a map of the ocean slides behind him] cause there's a storm warning coming at ya. [an animated image group of faux-chovies is shown] We got a gust of faux-chovies coming in from the southwest. Now with [pokes his eye]'' a closer look, here's our man on the street, Rube Goldfish! :'''Rube''': Thanks, Gale! I'm here with the faux-chovies that are causing all this meep-abaloo. Now I just have to ask the question everyone wants to know. What in the world does "meep" mean? ''[The faux-chovies surround circle Rube and turn him into a faux-chovy. rises from the middle of the circle]'' A-meep-ing! :'''Gale Doppler''': Haha, thanks Rube! So if you don't wanna turn into an anchovy today, you're advised to stay indoors until that faux-chovy pressure system ''[pushes the faux-chovy group image] moves away. Haha. [the image comes back] Huh? [the image jumps at Gale] Whoa! [he falls down and when he gets up, he has the shape of a faux-chovy and his eyes become strabismus]'' Haha, meep! ---- :'''Hans''': ''[opens the roof to the Krusty Krab and meeping is heard, and he has a box of pizza]'' Pizza delivery! :'''Anchovies and faux-chovies''': Huh? ''[they move out of the way and the box drops in the middle of them]'' :'''Anchovies''': Pizza?! ''[runs away back to the bus and it drives away]'' :'''Faux-chovies''': ''[smells the pizza]'' Mmmmm! :'''SpongeBob''': Mmmm, that smells good! ''[turns back into himself]'' Boing! :''[Everyone else turns back into themselves.]'' :'''Mr. Krabs''': ''[walks to SpongeBob]'' Phew! I thought we'd never snap out of that faux-chovy thing! :'''SpongeBob''': Sorry, Mr. Krabs! I didn't realize how easy it is to get swept up into a meep mentality! :'''Mr. Krabs''': It's not your fault, boy-o. We're just lucky that pizza is the anchovies' natural enemy! :'''Rube''': Yeah, whoever ordered that pie saved our lives! ''[he, Lady Upturn, Mrs. Puff, and Pearl open the box of pizza]'' :'''SpongeBob''': And we shouldn't let it go to waste! ''[Patrick rubs his palms together] It's still hot!'' :'''Patrick''': Oh-ho-ho-ho! ''[runs to the box and picks up a slice, walks away, and it falls on him]'' What? No anchovies? ==Episode 3== ===''BassWard'' [14.3a]=== :'''Squidward''': Thanks for the ride! :'''Bubble Bass''': ''[holding up egg salad sandwich]'' And the egg salad sandwiches. ''[shoves the sandwich into his mouth]'' :'''Old Man Jenkins''': You folks are lucky! I was just heading into the city to pick up the new Farmer's Almanac! :'''Bubble Bass''': To celebrate, I think I will have another one of those sandwiches. ''[reaches down into his seat]'' :'''Squidward''': Whoa! You just ate! :'''Bubble Bass''': I can almost reach. ''[plane bends]'' :'''Squidward''': Whoa! :''[The plane forms a crack in the middle.]'' :'''Old Man Jenkins''': Stop shaking the plane or I'll pull this thing right over! ''[The plane breaks in half, and the back half with Squidward and Bubble Bass falls off.]'' Thank you. Much better. ===''Squidiot Box'' [14.3b]=== :'''Squidward''': ''[opens door]'' Hey! ''[walks over to yell]'' Get off my sand! ''[falls into box]'' Whoa! ''[thumping and yelling]'' What's happening? Where am I? ==Episode 4== ===''Blood is Thicker Than Grease'' [14.4a]=== ===''Don't Make Me Laugh (featuring Marion Ross)'' [14.4b]=== ==Episode 5== ===''Momageddon'' [14.5a]=== :'''Margaret''': ''[humming]'' Order up for Old Man Jenkins. One Krabby Patty with crust removed and one side salad. :'''Old Man Jenkins''': I ordered fries, not a salad! :'''Margaret''': The fries are in the salad. :'''Old Man Jenkins''': Okay, I'll try it. ''[takes it]'' But only 'cause I'm so hungry. ''[tastes it, spins around and is now wearing a kid outfit]'' Aha! :'''Customers''': Ooh! :'''Old Man Jenkins''': It reminds me of my mother's cooking when I was but a boy. I'm filled with childish glee! ''[giggles and skips away]'' ===''Pet the Rock (featuring Malcolm McDowell)'' [14.5b]=== :''[The scene bubble wipes to SpongeBob walking Gary to the pet park. He shows Gary to a guard.]'' :'''Guard''': [removes sunglasses] Huh. Alright, go on through. ''[SpongeBob and Gary walk into the park, then Patrick walks to the entrance. stops Patrick with his hand while in a goofy position]'' Hold it right there! I'm gonna need to see some proof of pet. :'''Patrick''': Of course! ''[holds up his "pet," which is just a rock]'' :'''Guard''': [takes off his sunglasses] That's a rock. :'''Patrick''': Yeah! His name is Rolly! :'''Guard''': I don't see how this thing is a pet? :'''Patrick''': [tosses Rolly onto the guard's face] Oh, here! Take a closer look! [Rolly rolls off the guards face, and the guard falls down.] :'''Guard''': Oh, yes, he's adorable! Go right in! [face falls flat] ==Episode 6== ===''Tango Tangle (featuring Rosie Perez)'' [14.6a]=== :'''Suzie''': [as Plankton stands up and tries to keep his balance] Legs ain't your problem, honey. If you want to tango, you got to learn to dance with your [moves hips] hips. :'''Plankton''': With my lips? [live-action close-up of him moving his lips] This isn't working. :'''Karen''': [eyes roll off her screen] Ugh. :'''Suzie''': That's because I said hips! Watch me. All you got to do is... [moves hips] :'''Karen''': Wow, your hips are so hip. You got your work cut out for you, Sheldon. :'''Plankton''': My hips can't do that. :'''Suzie''': Of course they can. You got to force them to do it. ''[holds onto Plankton and Karen]'' The tango is physical, ''[dances with Karen]'' emotional, and most importantly, ''[pushes the two out of the way]'' aggressive. :'''Plankton and Karen''': What? :'''Plankton''': Aggressive? ''[grinning evilly with Karen]'' Now you're talking my language. :'''Karen''': Yeah, we speak fluent aggression. :'''Suzie''': Good. Tap into that aggression and put it in your ''[flexes arm]'' hips. Now, abrazo. ''[slams hands together]'' Embrace! :'''Plankton and Karen''': ''[grabbing onto each other]'' Abrazo. ===''Necro-Nom-Nom-Nom-I-Con'' [14.6b]=== :'''Evil Witch''': ''[reading the directions on Mr. Krabs' cookbook]'' A cup of milk? Two eggs? A loaf of bread? And kelp sugar? Eh, all right. ''[puts the ingredients in a cauldron]'' Shoo. ''[a plate of French toast floats up]'' French toast? ''[taps her wand in the green substance and hash browns, quiche, and huevos rancheros float up]'' Hash browns? Quiche? Huevos rancheros? What the heck? What's wrong with this blasted spellbook? ''[grabs the cookbook and reads the name]'' "Uncle Jimmy's Breakfast Magic"? It's a cookbook! Oh... I better find out who got my spell book, and fast. ''[the plate of quiche bumps into her arm] Huh?'' Right ''[the wand transforms into a fork]'' after I finish my quiche. :''[Bubble transition back to inside the Krusty Krab, where the customers are still in the breakfast transformations with SpongeBob, Squidward, and Mr. Krabs in worry.]'' :'''Squidward''': Why is this happening? :'''SpongeBob''': Maybe all the weird stuff I've been cooking caused all of this. ''[Squidward looks at him unamused, and SpongeBob chuckles nervously]'' Would explain the ''[the Necronomicon book flies out the order window]'' cauldron too. ''[points to the Necronomicon flying]'' And the flying cookbook. :''[The cookbook flies to the front of the restaurant and emits a green light, which grabs various breakfast items to create a body.]'' :'''SpongeBob''': ''[as the cookbook forms the items into a body]'" The cookbook is using tasty breakfast treats to create a monster! :''[The cookbook roars and everyone in the restaurant screams. The Evil Witch appears with a purple cloud emit.]'' :'''Evil Witch''': Oh, so this is where my spell book went. :''[The breakfast monster kicks barrels and a table away, breaks off another table and throws it at SpongeBob, Squidward, and Mr. Krabs - which they duck.]'' :'''Mr. Krabs''': Ooh, a customer! Take her order, Squidward. :'''Evil Witch''': Uh, thanks, but I couldn't eat another bite! ''[belches]'' I'm here to swap books with ya. I think my spell book got mixed with your cookbook. ==Episode 7== ===''PL-1413'' [14.7a]=== :'''Future Karen''': ''[phases through the Chrome Bucket as a chrome orb]'' Sheldon, welcome home. :'''Plankton''': Karen, is that you? I see you've had some work done. :'''Future Karen''': Uh-huh. And that's not the only work I've been doing. :'''Plankton''': Ooh. ''[rubbing hands]'' Have you completed some kind of deadly destructive robot? :'''Future Karen''': Negative. ''[displays an easel]'' I have been working on my art pieces. ''[sprays a gray background with two squiggly lines]'' I'm quite successful, in fact. ''[A couple appears.]'' :'''Wife''': Oh, honey, ''[pointing]'' this would match the couch in the living room. :'''Husband''': We'll ''[holds up chrome money]'' take it. ''[Future Karen takes the money, then the couple walk off with the painting]'' ===''In the Mood to Feud'' [14.7b]=== :'''Pa Narwhal''': [pointing] Say, man, is that pink city slicker with you? ''[Patrick is sucking up an entire tree, swallows, and sighs to let out a bumble jelly]'' He sure is brave. :'''SpongeBob''': Brave? :'''Ma Narwhal''': Yup. The only reason the bumble jellies let us collect their jelly is because we allow 'em to sting us. ''[knocks over her husband, laughs]'' :'''Sandy''': You let them sting you? :'''Ma Narwhal''': ''[shows off her sting-covered arm]'' Darn tootin'! ==Episode 8== ===''Mooned!'' [14.8a]=== :'''Kevin''': I'm not really sure about you ''[fixes his glasses]'' finally catching your own jellyfish, SpongeBob. :'''SpongeBob''': I'll catch a jellyfish, ''[holds his net to the sky]'' no matter how it'll take! I'm gonna become the new leader of the Jellyspotters! ===''Hysterical History'' [14.8b]=== ==''[[Kreepaway Kamp]]'' (featuring India de Beaufort, Jess Harnell, Carlos Alazraqui and Kate Higgins) [14.9-14.10]== :''[Bubble transition to SpongeBob, Patrick, and Sandy, wearing backpacks, leaving the treedome.]'' :'''Patrick:''' Oh, boy, I can't wait to go back to Kamp Koral! :'''SpongeBob:''' Yeah, but how are we gonna get there? My unicycle's in the shop. :'''Sandy:''' Well-- :'''Patrick:''' I know! We could prance! :'''SpongeBob:''' Oh, boy! I haven't pranced in ages! :''[They take each other's hands, sing, and start skipping. SpongeBob grabs Sandy's hand and she joins in. Shortly after, they are stopped by a bus arriving. Krabs comes out.]'' :'''Krabs:''' Just get on the bus. :'''SpongeBob:''' Oh, yeah, the bus. :'''Patrick:''' ''[mumbling]'' :'''Sandy:''' Yeah, I do suppose that makes sense. :''[They get on the bus. It drives past a "You Are Now Leaving Bikini Bottom" sign. Tall Tail runs behind.]'' :'''Tall Tail:''' ''[panting]'' Wait for me, dudes! :''[SpongeBob looks over at everyone on the bus and imagines them as their younger Kamp Koral selves.]'' :'''Bubble Bass:''' And that's why Barnacle Boy, with both hands... ''[anchovies meeping]'' :'''Anchovies:''' ''[meeping]'' :'''Chovy:''' Moop moop moop. :'''Craig and Larry:''' ''[laughing]'' :'''Patrick:''' ''[opens the window, sticks his tongue out]'' :'''Sandy:''' ''[pulls him back inside, his tongue wraps around his head]'' :'''Patrick:''' ''[laughing]'' :''[Mr. Krabs still looks very old.]'' :'''Krabs:''' What are you looking at, boy-o? ''[fades into his present-day outfit, but still looks old]'' :'''SpongeBob:''' ''[admiring]'' ''[sighs]'' You haven't changed a bit since camp, Mr. Krabs. ''[walks out to the front of the bus, waves]'' Greetings, fellow campers! ''[pulls pants up]'' I'd like to personally thank whoever invited us to the big reunion! So, ''[swings hand]'' who was it? :'''Bus riders:''' ''[overlapping chatter]'' Not me! :'''Krabs:''' Oh, well. We're sure to know when we get there. Next stop, Kamp Money! :''[The bus riders stare at him with blank expressions.]'' :'''Mrs. Puff:''' Eugene! :'''Krabs:''' I mean, ''[leans forward]'' Kamp Koral! :''[Everyone on the bus cheers. Tall Tail is now riding on top of it.]'' :'''Tall Tail:''' Yeah! Whoo! :''[Bubble transition to the bus arriving in front of camp. Everyone steps out.]'' :'''SpongeBob:''' ''[takes out a picture, which shows a CGI scene at Kamp Koral]'' Ah, good old Kamp Koral. ''[lowers it to see the sign collapsed]'' It seems different somehow. :'''Patrick:''' ''[points to the sign]'' Looks like they changed the name to Ka-Ka. :'''Mrs. Puff:''' ''[over a pan to the camp in disrepair]'' Well, I must say, the place has really gone to pot. :''[Pearl and Bubble Bass walk forward.]'' :'''Sandy:''' ''[shakes fist]'' Well, I think someone is pulling a fast one with this reunion. :'''Krabs:''' ''[baby talking to nickel]'' Don't listen to her, little nickel. We'll find your friends soon. ''[puts the map under his armpit and tiptoes away]'' :'''Pearl:''' ''[struggles to exit a cabin]'' This place is, like, way smaller than I remember. :'''Bubble Bass:''' ''[pushes up glasses]'' It's not smaller. You're just bigger. But it is a lot crummier. ''[leans against a barrel, which breaks]'' Agh! :'''Pearl:''' ''[laughs]'' ==''[[Snow Yellow]]'' [14.11]== ==Episode 12== ===''The Dirty Bubble Bass'' [14.12a]=== :'''Dirty Bubble''': Yes! I'm free! :'''Bubble Bass''': The Dirty Bubble! :'''Dirty Bubble''': You chewing that crusty gum has freed me from Mermaid Man's bubblegum trap! What's your name, my bulbous buddy? :'''Bubble Bass''': B-B-Bubble Bass? :'''Dirty Bubble''': What a perfect name for my new sidekick. Or should I say, in-sidekick? ''[swallows Bubble Bass and the tub whole, then spits out the tub, screaming, stretching in the Dirty Bubble]'' Let me out! ''[laughs as he retracts to fit Bubble Bass' shape]'' Oh! As a reward for releasing me, you're my new partner in crime. :'''Mama Bass'': ''[opens bathroom door while holding a basket of laundry]'' What's going on in--? Huh? Bubble Bass! You're even filthier than before you took a bath! :'''Bubble Bass''': It's not my fault, Mother. I'm trapped inside this foul felon! ===''Sheldon SquarePants'' [14.12b]=== ==''Sandy's Country Christmas (featuring Lewis Black, Johnny Knoxville, Grey Delisle, and Craig Robinson)'' [14.13]== ==Cast== *Tom Kenny as SpongeBob, French Narrator, Old Man Walker, Male Customer #2, Male Dancer #2, Dancers, Customers, Kid Beachgoer, Gym Bros, Beachgoers, Fans, Hoops, Gary, Sea Cow, Hans, Fifi, Faux-chovies, Anchovies *Clancy Brown as Mr. Krabs, Male Customer #1, Gym Bros, Beachgoers, Fans, Snappy, Construction Guy, Faux-chovies, Anchovies *Carolyn Lawrence as Sandy, Female Customer #1, Dancers, Customers, Female Beachgoer, Volleyball Girl, Beachgoers, Fans *Mr. Lawrence as Plankton, Fred, Dancers, Customers, Larry the Lobster, Volleyball Guy, TV Announcer, Gale Doppler, Rube Goldfish, Anchovy Leader, Skater #2 *Dee Bradley Baker as Bubble Bass, Shady Guy, Male Dancer #1, Dancers, Customers, Craig Mammalton, Ajax Magee, Kids, Mailman *Jill Talley as Karen, Lady, Customers *Rodger Bumpass as Fondue Man, Gym Bros, Beachgoers, Fans, Squidward, Anchovy #1, Phone Repairman, Pizza Guy, Faux-chovies, Anchovies *Mary Jo Catlett as Mrs. Puff, Puffy *Sirena Irwin as Mo, Female Spotter, Beachgoers, Fans, Lady Upturn, Female Customer, Faux-chovies, Anchovies *Bill Fagerbakke as Patrick, Kids, Skater #1, Faux-chovies, Anchovies ==External links== {{Wikipedia|SpongeBob SquarePants (season 14)}} [[Category:SpongeBob SquarePants seasons]] [[Category:SpongeBob SquarePants]] g45jpy1xma0r35x7o6mnfyprn8plf3d 3778873 3778872 2025-07-14T21:17:34Z 2600:1005:B001:4C74:0:7:7AD9:3001 /* Snow Yellow [14.11] */ 3778873 wikitext text/x-wiki {{DISPLAYTITLE:''SpongeBob SquarePants''/Season 14}} {{SpongeBob header}} '''''[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]''''' (1999-) is an animated TV series, airing on Nickelodeon about the adventures and endeavors of the title character and his various friends in the fictional underwater city of Bikini Bottom. It spawned [[The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie|a movie]], followed by several short films, and video games. ==Episode 1== ===''Single-Celled Defense'' [14.1a]=== :'''Sandy''': Congratulations, Plankton. But remember, this technique is to be used ''[points]'' strictly for self-defense. :'''Plankton''': Oh, of course, Sensei Sandy. ''[leans in]'' Uh, wink? ''[takes off gi]'' Buh-bye! ''[laughs]'' :''[Sandy stares ahead with a blank expression.]'' :'''SpongeBob''': Uh, Sandy? ''[zoom out to show Sandy standing on him]'' Could you give me a ride to the hospital? :'''Sandy''': Whoops! ''[steps off him]'' Oh, sure, SpongeBob. Heh-heh. ---- :'''Mr. Krabs''': Bad news for you, Plankton. ''[gets closer to Plankton's face]'' I don't have any feet! :'''Plankton''': ''[stunned]'' You what? ''[A close-up on Mr. Krabs' feet is shown, but they are very messy. The right foot has plasters and grease, while the left foot has barnacles and grease. A foghorn plays in the background.]'' Just my luck, I guess. ---- :'''Plankton''': ''[sighs]'' Six to eight weeks before I can attack the Krusty Krab again. Oh, well. At least I'm not in traction anymore. ''[a wheelchair wheel rolls over him]'' Augh! :''[Sandy is pushing a bandaged SpongeBob in a wheelchair.]'' :'''SpongeBob''': Oh, boy! Only six to eight weeks before I can work at the Krusty Krab again! ''[Sandy pushes him forward]'' :'''Plankton''': Ouch! Ka-ra-tay is a pain in the-- ''[gets squished against the road]'' ouch! ===''Buff for Puff'' [14.1b]=== :'''Mr. Krabs''': Hey there, ma'am. ''[raises sunglasses]'' Is this beach taken? ''[winks]'' :'''Mrs. Puff''': Oh, my. Eugene, you're so well-defined. ''[sees Mr. Krabs has left]'' Eugene? :''[Pan over to Mr. Krabs surrounded by cheering beachgoers.]'' :'''Mr. Krabs''': Take a look. ''[shows off muscles]'' These are called gains, people. ''[flexes butt]'' Yeah. ''[strains]'' ==Episode 2== ===''We ❤️ Hoops'' (featuring Cree Summer and Dana Sydner) [14.2a]=== ===''SpongeChovy'' [14.2b]=== :'''Realistic Fish Head''': ''[off-screen; the words slide on screen] Breaking News. [the words shatter]'' :'''Gale Doppler''': I'm Gale Doppler with the big weather. And I'd like to report it's sunny skies for Bikini Bottom. But not today, ''[a map of the ocean slides behind him] cause there's a storm warning coming at ya. [an animated image group of faux-chovies is shown] We got a gust of faux-chovies coming in from the southwest. Now with [pokes his eye]'' a closer look, here's our man on the street, Rube Goldfish! :'''Rube''': Thanks, Gale! I'm here with the faux-chovies that are causing all this meep-abaloo. Now I just have to ask the question everyone wants to know. What in the world does "meep" mean? ''[The faux-chovies surround circle Rube and turn him into a faux-chovy. rises from the middle of the circle]'' A-meep-ing! :'''Gale Doppler''': Haha, thanks Rube! So if you don't wanna turn into an anchovy today, you're advised to stay indoors until that faux-chovy pressure system ''[pushes the faux-chovy group image] moves away. Haha. [the image comes back] Huh? [the image jumps at Gale] Whoa! [he falls down and when he gets up, he has the shape of a faux-chovy and his eyes become strabismus]'' Haha, meep! ---- :'''Hans''': ''[opens the roof to the Krusty Krab and meeping is heard, and he has a box of pizza]'' Pizza delivery! :'''Anchovies and faux-chovies''': Huh? ''[they move out of the way and the box drops in the middle of them]'' :'''Anchovies''': Pizza?! ''[runs away back to the bus and it drives away]'' :'''Faux-chovies''': ''[smells the pizza]'' Mmmmm! :'''SpongeBob''': Mmmm, that smells good! ''[turns back into himself]'' Boing! :''[Everyone else turns back into themselves.]'' :'''Mr. Krabs''': ''[walks to SpongeBob]'' Phew! I thought we'd never snap out of that faux-chovy thing! :'''SpongeBob''': Sorry, Mr. Krabs! I didn't realize how easy it is to get swept up into a meep mentality! :'''Mr. Krabs''': It's not your fault, boy-o. We're just lucky that pizza is the anchovies' natural enemy! :'''Rube''': Yeah, whoever ordered that pie saved our lives! ''[he, Lady Upturn, Mrs. Puff, and Pearl open the box of pizza]'' :'''SpongeBob''': And we shouldn't let it go to waste! ''[Patrick rubs his palms together] It's still hot!'' :'''Patrick''': Oh-ho-ho-ho! ''[runs to the box and picks up a slice, walks away, and it falls on him]'' What? No anchovies? ==Episode 3== ===''BassWard'' [14.3a]=== :'''Squidward''': Thanks for the ride! :'''Bubble Bass''': ''[holding up egg salad sandwich]'' And the egg salad sandwiches. ''[shoves the sandwich into his mouth]'' :'''Old Man Jenkins''': You folks are lucky! I was just heading into the city to pick up the new Farmer's Almanac! :'''Bubble Bass''': To celebrate, I think I will have another one of those sandwiches. ''[reaches down into his seat]'' :'''Squidward''': Whoa! You just ate! :'''Bubble Bass''': I can almost reach. ''[plane bends]'' :'''Squidward''': Whoa! :''[The plane forms a crack in the middle.]'' :'''Old Man Jenkins''': Stop shaking the plane or I'll pull this thing right over! ''[The plane breaks in half, and the back half with Squidward and Bubble Bass falls off.]'' Thank you. Much better. ===''Squidiot Box'' [14.3b]=== :'''Squidward''': ''[opens door]'' Hey! ''[walks over to yell]'' Get off my sand! ''[falls into box]'' Whoa! ''[thumping and yelling]'' What's happening? Where am I? ==Episode 4== ===''Blood is Thicker Than Grease'' [14.4a]=== ===''Don't Make Me Laugh (featuring Marion Ross)'' [14.4b]=== ==Episode 5== ===''Momageddon'' [14.5a]=== :'''Margaret''': ''[humming]'' Order up for Old Man Jenkins. One Krabby Patty with crust removed and one side salad. :'''Old Man Jenkins''': I ordered fries, not a salad! :'''Margaret''': The fries are in the salad. :'''Old Man Jenkins''': Okay, I'll try it. ''[takes it]'' But only 'cause I'm so hungry. ''[tastes it, spins around and is now wearing a kid outfit]'' Aha! :'''Customers''': Ooh! :'''Old Man Jenkins''': It reminds me of my mother's cooking when I was but a boy. I'm filled with childish glee! ''[giggles and skips away]'' ===''Pet the Rock (featuring Malcolm McDowell)'' [14.5b]=== :''[The scene bubble wipes to SpongeBob walking Gary to the pet park. He shows Gary to a guard.]'' :'''Guard''': [removes sunglasses] Huh. Alright, go on through. ''[SpongeBob and Gary walk into the park, then Patrick walks to the entrance. stops Patrick with his hand while in a goofy position]'' Hold it right there! I'm gonna need to see some proof of pet. :'''Patrick''': Of course! ''[holds up his "pet," which is just a rock]'' :'''Guard''': [takes off his sunglasses] That's a rock. :'''Patrick''': Yeah! His name is Rolly! :'''Guard''': I don't see how this thing is a pet? :'''Patrick''': [tosses Rolly onto the guard's face] Oh, here! Take a closer look! [Rolly rolls off the guards face, and the guard falls down.] :'''Guard''': Oh, yes, he's adorable! Go right in! [face falls flat] ==Episode 6== ===''Tango Tangle (featuring Rosie Perez)'' [14.6a]=== :'''Suzie''': [as Plankton stands up and tries to keep his balance] Legs ain't your problem, honey. If you want to tango, you got to learn to dance with your [moves hips] hips. :'''Plankton''': With my lips? [live-action close-up of him moving his lips] This isn't working. :'''Karen''': [eyes roll off her screen] Ugh. :'''Suzie''': That's because I said hips! Watch me. All you got to do is... [moves hips] :'''Karen''': Wow, your hips are so hip. You got your work cut out for you, Sheldon. :'''Plankton''': My hips can't do that. :'''Suzie''': Of course they can. You got to force them to do it. ''[holds onto Plankton and Karen]'' The tango is physical, ''[dances with Karen]'' emotional, and most importantly, ''[pushes the two out of the way]'' aggressive. :'''Plankton and Karen''': What? :'''Plankton''': Aggressive? ''[grinning evilly with Karen]'' Now you're talking my language. :'''Karen''': Yeah, we speak fluent aggression. :'''Suzie''': Good. Tap into that aggression and put it in your ''[flexes arm]'' hips. Now, abrazo. ''[slams hands together]'' Embrace! :'''Plankton and Karen''': ''[grabbing onto each other]'' Abrazo. ===''Necro-Nom-Nom-Nom-I-Con'' [14.6b]=== :'''Evil Witch''': ''[reading the directions on Mr. Krabs' cookbook]'' A cup of milk? Two eggs? A loaf of bread? And kelp sugar? Eh, all right. ''[puts the ingredients in a cauldron]'' Shoo. ''[a plate of French toast floats up]'' French toast? ''[taps her wand in the green substance and hash browns, quiche, and huevos rancheros float up]'' Hash browns? Quiche? Huevos rancheros? What the heck? What's wrong with this blasted spellbook? ''[grabs the cookbook and reads the name]'' "Uncle Jimmy's Breakfast Magic"? It's a cookbook! Oh... I better find out who got my spell book, and fast. ''[the plate of quiche bumps into her arm] Huh?'' Right ''[the wand transforms into a fork]'' after I finish my quiche. :''[Bubble transition back to inside the Krusty Krab, where the customers are still in the breakfast transformations with SpongeBob, Squidward, and Mr. Krabs in worry.]'' :'''Squidward''': Why is this happening? :'''SpongeBob''': Maybe all the weird stuff I've been cooking caused all of this. ''[Squidward looks at him unamused, and SpongeBob chuckles nervously]'' Would explain the ''[the Necronomicon book flies out the order window]'' cauldron too. ''[points to the Necronomicon flying]'' And the flying cookbook. :''[The cookbook flies to the front of the restaurant and emits a green light, which grabs various breakfast items to create a body.]'' :'''SpongeBob''': ''[as the cookbook forms the items into a body]'" The cookbook is using tasty breakfast treats to create a monster! :''[The cookbook roars and everyone in the restaurant screams. The Evil Witch appears with a purple cloud emit.]'' :'''Evil Witch''': Oh, so this is where my spell book went. :''[The breakfast monster kicks barrels and a table away, breaks off another table and throws it at SpongeBob, Squidward, and Mr. Krabs - which they duck.]'' :'''Mr. Krabs''': Ooh, a customer! Take her order, Squidward. :'''Evil Witch''': Uh, thanks, but I couldn't eat another bite! ''[belches]'' I'm here to swap books with ya. I think my spell book got mixed with your cookbook. ==Episode 7== ===''PL-1413'' [14.7a]=== :'''Future Karen''': ''[phases through the Chrome Bucket as a chrome orb]'' Sheldon, welcome home. :'''Plankton''': Karen, is that you? I see you've had some work done. :'''Future Karen''': Uh-huh. And that's not the only work I've been doing. :'''Plankton''': Ooh. ''[rubbing hands]'' Have you completed some kind of deadly destructive robot? :'''Future Karen''': Negative. ''[displays an easel]'' I have been working on my art pieces. ''[sprays a gray background with two squiggly lines]'' I'm quite successful, in fact. ''[A couple appears.]'' :'''Wife''': Oh, honey, ''[pointing]'' this would match the couch in the living room. :'''Husband''': We'll ''[holds up chrome money]'' take it. ''[Future Karen takes the money, then the couple walk off with the painting]'' ===''In the Mood to Feud'' [14.7b]=== :'''Pa Narwhal''': [pointing] Say, man, is that pink city slicker with you? ''[Patrick is sucking up an entire tree, swallows, and sighs to let out a bumble jelly]'' He sure is brave. :'''SpongeBob''': Brave? :'''Ma Narwhal''': Yup. The only reason the bumble jellies let us collect their jelly is because we allow 'em to sting us. ''[knocks over her husband, laughs]'' :'''Sandy''': You let them sting you? :'''Ma Narwhal''': ''[shows off her sting-covered arm]'' Darn tootin'! ==Episode 8== ===''Mooned!'' [14.8a]=== :'''Kevin''': I'm not really sure about you ''[fixes his glasses]'' finally catching your own jellyfish, SpongeBob. :'''SpongeBob''': I'll catch a jellyfish, ''[holds his net to the sky]'' no matter how it'll take! I'm gonna become the new leader of the Jellyspotters! ===''Hysterical History'' [14.8b]=== ==''[[Kreepaway Kamp]]'' (featuring India de Beaufort, Jess Harnell, Carlos Alazraqui and Kate Higgins) [14.9-14.10]== :''[Bubble transition to SpongeBob, Patrick, and Sandy, wearing backpacks, leaving the treedome.]'' :'''Patrick:''' Oh, boy, I can't wait to go back to Kamp Koral! :'''SpongeBob:''' Yeah, but how are we gonna get there? My unicycle's in the shop. :'''Sandy:''' Well-- :'''Patrick:''' I know! We could prance! :'''SpongeBob:''' Oh, boy! I haven't pranced in ages! :''[They take each other's hands, sing, and start skipping. SpongeBob grabs Sandy's hand and she joins in. Shortly after, they are stopped by a bus arriving. Krabs comes out.]'' :'''Krabs:''' Just get on the bus. :'''SpongeBob:''' Oh, yeah, the bus. :'''Patrick:''' ''[mumbling]'' :'''Sandy:''' Yeah, I do suppose that makes sense. :''[They get on the bus. It drives past a "You Are Now Leaving Bikini Bottom" sign. Tall Tail runs behind.]'' :'''Tall Tail:''' ''[panting]'' Wait for me, dudes! :''[SpongeBob looks over at everyone on the bus and imagines them as their younger Kamp Koral selves.]'' :'''Bubble Bass:''' And that's why Barnacle Boy, with both hands... ''[anchovies meeping]'' :'''Anchovies:''' ''[meeping]'' :'''Chovy:''' Moop moop moop. :'''Craig and Larry:''' ''[laughing]'' :'''Patrick:''' ''[opens the window, sticks his tongue out]'' :'''Sandy:''' ''[pulls him back inside, his tongue wraps around his head]'' :'''Patrick:''' ''[laughing]'' :''[Mr. Krabs still looks very old.]'' :'''Krabs:''' What are you looking at, boy-o? ''[fades into his present-day outfit, but still looks old]'' :'''SpongeBob:''' ''[admiring]'' ''[sighs]'' You haven't changed a bit since camp, Mr. Krabs. ''[walks out to the front of the bus, waves]'' Greetings, fellow campers! ''[pulls pants up]'' I'd like to personally thank whoever invited us to the big reunion! So, ''[swings hand]'' who was it? :'''Bus riders:''' ''[overlapping chatter]'' Not me! :'''Krabs:''' Oh, well. We're sure to know when we get there. Next stop, Kamp Money! :''[The bus riders stare at him with blank expressions.]'' :'''Mrs. Puff:''' Eugene! :'''Krabs:''' I mean, ''[leans forward]'' Kamp Koral! :''[Everyone on the bus cheers. Tall Tail is now riding on top of it.]'' :'''Tall Tail:''' Yeah! Whoo! :''[Bubble transition to the bus arriving in front of camp. Everyone steps out.]'' :'''SpongeBob:''' ''[takes out a picture, which shows a CGI scene at Kamp Koral]'' Ah, good old Kamp Koral. ''[lowers it to see the sign collapsed]'' It seems different somehow. :'''Patrick:''' ''[points to the sign]'' Looks like they changed the name to Ka-Ka. :'''Mrs. Puff:''' ''[over a pan to the camp in disrepair]'' Well, I must say, the place has really gone to pot. :''[Pearl and Bubble Bass walk forward.]'' :'''Sandy:''' ''[shakes fist]'' Well, I think someone is pulling a fast one with this reunion. :'''Krabs:''' ''[baby talking to nickel]'' Don't listen to her, little nickel. We'll find your friends soon. ''[puts the map under his armpit and tiptoes away]'' :'''Pearl:''' ''[struggles to exit a cabin]'' This place is, like, way smaller than I remember. :'''Bubble Bass:''' ''[pushes up glasses]'' It's not smaller. You're just bigger. But it is a lot crummier. ''[leans against a barrel, which breaks]'' Agh! :'''Pearl:''' ''[laughs]'' ==''[[Snow Yellow]]'' [14.11]== :Hans: [turning the page] While the Prince took a quick nappy-poo, the seven jellies who live in the hive were happily at work. :[Melodic buzzing is heard as the camera pans down to the seven jellies, with most of them in a minecart. Gary tosses a pickax to Nutty, then to Puffy, Drippy, Cooty, and Dummy. A pickax falls onto Dummy's head, who grabs it. The jellies are seen mining for jelly as Gary passes by on a minecart rack.] :Seven Jellies: [singing] ♪ We mine, flowers of the sea so we can make sweet jelly. :Krusty: [using a calculator] ♪ And I can make, me money. ♪Dummy: [emerges from the jelly pile] ♪ This pollen sure smells funny. ♪ [sneezes, propelling himself into the sky, screaming] :Nutty: [mines at a flower, then struggles to pull her pickax out, which hits the other jellies, making Puffy inflate as well and making everyone fall down into the jelly barrow] :Krusty: Ooh! :Gary: Meow? :Nutty: [gasps, then yells as Dummy crushes her into the pile, then everyone emerges from it] :All: [look at each other] Huh? [laugh before a cuckoo clock goes off] :[A cuckoo clock on the side of a mountain goes off. The cuckoo bird, which looks like Lady Prunes, comes out.] :Cuckoo: Stop working, you morons! It's 5 o'clock! [spits] Bingo! [goes back inside the clock] :Seven Jellies: [cheering as they leave] :Drippy: [grunting as he pushes the minecart] :Hans: [narrating] When the Seven Jellies got home, [the jellies enter their house, Nutty screams] They did not expect to find a snoring monster in their kitchen. :Snow Yellow: [stuck in the same position, snoring] ==Episode 12== ===''The Dirty Bubble Bass'' [14.12a]=== :'''Dirty Bubble''': Yes! I'm free! :'''Bubble Bass''': The Dirty Bubble! :'''Dirty Bubble''': You chewing that crusty gum has freed me from Mermaid Man's bubblegum trap! What's your name, my bulbous buddy? :'''Bubble Bass''': B-B-Bubble Bass? :'''Dirty Bubble''': What a perfect name for my new sidekick. Or should I say, in-sidekick? ''[swallows Bubble Bass and the tub whole, then spits out the tub, screaming, stretching in the Dirty Bubble]'' Let me out! ''[laughs as he retracts to fit Bubble Bass' shape]'' Oh! As a reward for releasing me, you're my new partner in crime. :'''Mama Bass'': ''[opens bathroom door while holding a basket of laundry]'' What's going on in--? Huh? Bubble Bass! You're even filthier than before you took a bath! :'''Bubble Bass''': It's not my fault, Mother. I'm trapped inside this foul felon! ===''Sheldon SquarePants'' [14.12b]=== ==''Sandy's Country Christmas (featuring Lewis Black, Johnny Knoxville, Grey Delisle, and Craig Robinson)'' [14.13]== ==Cast== *Tom Kenny as SpongeBob, French Narrator, Old Man Walker, Male Customer #2, Male Dancer #2, Dancers, Customers, Kid Beachgoer, Gym Bros, Beachgoers, Fans, Hoops, Gary, Sea Cow, Hans, Fifi, Faux-chovies, Anchovies *Clancy Brown as Mr. Krabs, Male Customer #1, Gym Bros, Beachgoers, Fans, Snappy, Construction Guy, Faux-chovies, Anchovies *Carolyn Lawrence as Sandy, Female Customer #1, Dancers, Customers, Female Beachgoer, Volleyball Girl, Beachgoers, Fans *Mr. Lawrence as Plankton, Fred, Dancers, Customers, Larry the Lobster, Volleyball Guy, TV Announcer, Gale Doppler, Rube Goldfish, Anchovy Leader, Skater #2 *Dee Bradley Baker as Bubble Bass, Shady Guy, Male Dancer #1, Dancers, Customers, Craig Mammalton, Ajax Magee, Kids, Mailman *Jill Talley as Karen, Lady, Customers *Rodger Bumpass as Fondue Man, Gym Bros, Beachgoers, Fans, Squidward, Anchovy #1, Phone Repairman, Pizza Guy, Faux-chovies, Anchovies *Mary Jo Catlett as Mrs. Puff, Puffy *Sirena Irwin as Mo, Female Spotter, Beachgoers, Fans, Lady Upturn, Female Customer, Faux-chovies, Anchovies *Bill Fagerbakke as Patrick, Kids, Skater #1, Faux-chovies, Anchovies ==External links== {{Wikipedia|SpongeBob SquarePants (season 14)}} [[Category:SpongeBob SquarePants seasons]] [[Category:SpongeBob SquarePants]] eovsjmwwltedw82bje4uwau8rsbo15l 0 263517 3778705 3398620 2025-07-14T14:01:30Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Comedians]]; added [[Category:Comedians from South Africa]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778705 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Tumi Morake|Tumi Morake]]''' (born 22 December 1981) is a [[South Africa]]n comedian, actress, TV personality, and writer. {{actor-stub}} == Quotes == * I love a role that I can ground somewhere in myself. There are actors who love to extend themselves, I like to find extensions of myself. ** [https://www.glamour.co.za/lifestyle/exclusive-q-and-a-with-the-honeymoon-cast-members-tumi-morake-and-kajal-bagwandeen-ahead-of-the-premiere-d056f76b-7aeb-45e0-8bfa-f0c067f047f8 Exclusive Q&A with The Honeymoon cast members, Tumi Morake and Kajal Bagwandeen ahead of the premiere] GLAMOUR, 30 March 2023 by Thobeka Phanyeko == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Morake, Tumi}} [[Category:Actresses from South Africa]] [[Category:Comedians from South Africa]] [[Category:Television personalities]] [[Category:1981 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Women born in the 1980s]] [[Category:Writers]] t5rn4cc9ywb7r1ym25m4mzm2zxt0ehd 0 263580 3778685 3398141 2025-07-14T13:50:09Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Comedians]]; added [[Category:Comedians from Uganda]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778685 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Anne Kansiime|Kansiime Kubiryaba Anne]]''' (born 13 April 1986) and popularly known as Anne Kansiime, is an [[Uganda]]n entertainer, comedian, and actress. She has been referred to as "Africa's Queen of Comedy" by some African media outlets. == Quotes == * The experience of having my first child has shown me to wait on God. I do not know what I want, I don't know when I will get what I want. I just pray for grace and good health. ** Ngigi, Elizabeth (14 September 2021). [https://www.the-star.co.ke/sasa/word-is/2021-09-14-kansiime-enjoys-miracle-of-baby/ "Kansiime enjoys 'miracle' of baby"]. ''The Star''. Retrieved 8 November 2023. * It is easy to make people laugh if you do not make them sit and scratch about the things that you are talking about because social problems apply to everyone * Whatever profession it is you are in, you know that you want to get back home and deal with the society within your reach so if you want to touch so many people you have to look for a subject that touches everyone. ** Nyavaya, Kennedy (7 August 2016). [https://www.thestandard.co.zw/2016/08/07/hands-off-politics-kansiime-urges-fellow-comedians "Hands off politics, Kansiime urges fellow comedians"]. ''The Standard''. Retrieved 8 November 2023 == External Links == {{Wikipedia}} {{IMDb name}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Kansiime, Anne}} [[Category:1986 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Actresses from Uganda]] [[Category:Writers]] [[Category:Comedians from Uganda]] [[Category:YouTubers]] aj6own6lp5mnsbf1sz8jzydhynbfv0s 0 263696 3778725 3542718 2025-07-14T14:10:49Z UDScott 4304 prod 3778725 wikitext text/x-wiki ----{{dated prod|concern = Not notable enough|month = July|day = 14|year = 2025|time = 14:10|timestamp = 20250714141047}} <!-- Do not use the "dated prod" template directly; the above line is generated by "subst:prod|reason" --> Thongbotho Mogatle, famously known as ‘Mmaboroso’ was born in Serowe. I am a girl who has been mistaken for a boy throughout my life – perhaps because I almost look like a boy or maybe because growing up, I copied what my brothers were doing, including their dressing style. [https://thevoicebw.com/celeb-edition-with-thongbotho-mogatle/] == Quotes == * Growing up I was always the funny kid; back in my junior and senior school days, I was the class clown. * I just focus on giving a hundred percent on my content and making sure it’s clean because one of the days I know I am going to be a role model to the younger generation coming after me, so I have to lead by example. * I have always loved Boroso; it’s just that having stayed in Gaborone, where Beef is expensive, it was hard for me to eat it as much as I wanted. * I’m also good at being a mother to my siblings and I play football. * I am currently the captain of FC Ambassadors ladies football team in Gaborone. * I just hope this year comes with growth especially content. * I hope my content becomes international and that it attracts big brands locally who will want to work with me. ** [https://thevoicebw.com/celeb-edition-with-thongbotho-mogatle/ Celeb edition with Thongbotho Mogatle], By Oleosi Kgosi, 01 February 2023, Retrieved 10/11/2023 ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} [[Category:Fashion designers]] [[Category:Sports announcers]] [[Category:Comedians]] [[Category:Botswana women footballers]] [[Category:LGBT people]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Women in sports]] [[Category:Media personalities]] qb6pdj1lmgch2c2ed9bxmh3fxmtxvxr 0 263807 3779021 3770230 2025-07-15T03:33:58Z Bszabo15 1085757 /* Voices */ 3779021 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''{{w|Once Upon a Studio}}''''' is a 2023 [[w:Live-action animated film|live-action/animated]] [[w:Fantasy comedy|fantasy comedy]] [[w:Crossover (fiction)|crossover]] short produced by {{w|Walt Disney Animation Studios}} and written and directed by Dan Abraham and Trent Correy. It debuted on June 11, 2023 at the {{w|Annecy International Animation Film Festival}} and had its first public showing on [[w:American Broadcasting Company|ABC]] on October 15, 2023. ''Once Upon a Studio'' features Mickey Mouse corralling a gallery of legendary Disney characters for a group photo in honor of [[The Walt Disney Company]]'s centennial. ==Dialogue== :'''Mickey Mouse''': ''[after all the animators leave the studio, Mickey comes to life from the cel with him and Minnie]'' Psst! Tink. Tinker Bell. You there? ''[Tinker Bell flies to him]'' Is that it? They all gone? ''[Tinker Bell nods]'' Oh boy! ''[jumps out of the cel, taking Minnie's hand and pulls her with him into the studio]'' Come on, Minnie. This is it! :'''Minnie Mouse''': Let's get the gang! YOO-HOO! :'''Tiana''': ''[hears from her cel]'' There's the signal! ''[jumps out of her cel and into the studio]'' All right, y'all! It's picture time! :''[other characters start coming out of their respective cels]'' :'''Pinocchio''': That's tonight? :'''Tiana''': That's now. :'''Judy Hopps''': 100-year group photo! And the sun's going down. C'mon, let's "hop" to it! :'''Nick Wilde''': Ooo, a bunny pun. ''[chuckles]'' Gotta like that. <hr width=50%> :'''Olaf''': ''[drawing an animation cel, quietly singing]'' ''I'm in the mood, to help ya, dude...'' :'''Timon''': ''[riding Pumba as he walks by the door]'' Hey, Frosty! Shake a leg, will ya? :'''Olaf''': ''[to the audience]'' The leg won't make any difference, it's all in the wrist. :''[Genie suddenly pops out of the cel, knocking Olaf over and causing him to fall to pieces]'' :'''Genie''': Oi! I haven't seen a fall like that since Rome. ''[uses his magic to repair Olaf]'' Oh, much better. <hr width=50%> :''[Mickey sees Kaa hypnotizing Clarabelle]'' :'''Mickey Mouse''': Kaa? You-you stop that now, Kaa! :'''Rapunzel''': ''[following with her frying pan]'' Don't worry, Mickey. I got this... :''[Rapunzel hits Kaa with the frying pan off-camera. Mickey then notices a picture of Walt Disney and steps to it, reverently taking his hat off and looking fondly at the picture for a moment as Feed the Birds plays]'' :'''Minnie Mouse''': ''[off-screen from a distance]'' Oh, Mickey! Where are you? We're in the lobby! :'''Mickey Mouse''': ''[to the picture of Walt]'' Oh, heh, gotta go...but thanks. ''[puts his hat back on]'' On with the show. <hr width=50%> :''[Mickey rides on Dumbo to the lobby to the doors passing a bunch of characters]'' :'''Raya''': Coast is clear, Mick. :'''Mickey Mouse''': Great! ''[Hops off of Dumbo as they flew outside]'' Right this way! ''[Ralph walks into the studio entrance door]'' Oh! Ralph, you okay? :'''Wreck-It Ralph''': Never better, [[w:Garfield (character)|Garfield]]. ''[trips over a garbage bin]'' :'''Scar''': I'm surrounded by IDIOTS! ''[ducks as Mr. Toad rides on the Magic Carpet]'' :'''Mr. Toad''': Tally-ho! Whee! I'll show you the world! Ha-ha-ha! :'''Mickey Mouse''': Oh, great. The ladder. :''[Ichabod Crane ducks his head to avoid the ladder being carried by Goofy and runs away]'' :'''Trusty''': ''[while walking with Jock]'' I don't recollect if I've ever mentioned Old Reliable before. He'd say, uh... :'''Flora''': Make it pink. ''[turns the giant Sorcerer Hat on the studio building pink]'' :'''Merryweather''': Ohh, make it blue! ''[turns the giant Sorcerer Hat back to blue]'' :'''Mickey Mouse''': Okay, everybody. Get together now. ''[to Oswald]'' Oh! After you. :'''Emperor Kuzco''': No touchy! :'''Rafiki''': ''[laughs and hands the camera to Goofy]'' It is time. :'''Goofy''': ''[chuckles as he grabs the camera]'' Thank you. ''[starts climbing up the ladder while humming, the ladder rocking precariously]'' :'''Mickey Mouse''': Goofy, careful! :'''Goofy''': ''[continues climbing until he reaches to the top, the ladder swaying farther and farther back and forth]'' All right. Now where's that timer button? :'''Iago''': Oh, oh! Three, two, one... :'''Goofy''': YAAH-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOOEY!!! :''[Goofy falls off the ladder, the camera smashing to pieces as it hits the ground. Stitch comes over and starts chewing on a piece of it before Lilo pulls him away]'' :'''Grumpy''': Well, that was fun. :'''Eeyore''': Maybe we can try again in another hundred years. <hr width=50%> :''[Everyone starts walking back into the studio, the group photo ruined. Suddenly, Alan-a-Dale starts playing "When You Wish Upon a Star" on his lute, then joined by Scat Cat on his trumpet, Mirabel on her accordion, and Hathi Jr. blowing a note with his trunk]'' :'''Belle''': ''[singing]'' Anything your heart desires... :''[The Beast joins Belle]'' :'''Belle & the Beast''': ''[singing]'' Will come to you. :'''Hades''': ''[spoken; annoyed]'' I knew this was gonna happen. :'''Quasimodo''': ''[singing]'' If your heart is in your dream... :'''Pocahontas''': ''[singing]'' No request is too extreme. :'''Ariel''': ''[singing]'' When you wish- :''[Scuttle squawks off-key to the song for a few notes, before his beak is closed by Baloo]'' :'''Baloo & Mowgli''': ''[singing]'' As dreamers do. <hr width=50%> :''[the camera has been fixed by Fix-it-Felix Jr and the ladder has been put back up by Hercules, and Goofy, with help from the Fairy Godmother, places the camera on the ladder]'' :'''Snow White, Mulan, and Asha''': ''[singing]'' Like a bolt out of the blue. :'''Winnie the Pooh''': ''[singing]'' Fate steps in... ''[gets knocked over and landed on by Tigger; chuckles]'' And sees you through. :'''Jiminy''': ''[Standing on Mickey's hand, singing]'' When you wish upon a star :'''All''': ''[singing]'' Your dreams… come… true! :''[Tinker Bell comes back as everyone singing and holding a note to make a group picture as they continue singing and holding a note]'' ==Cast== * {{w|Burny Mattinson}} — Himself * {{w|Renika Williams}} — Disney intern ===Voices=== {{col-begin}} {{col-2}} * {{w|Scott Adsit}} — [[w:Baymax#Disney version|Baymax]] * {{w|Stan Alexander}} — Flower {{small|(archival recording)}} * [[w:Stephen Anderson (artist)|Stephen Anderson]] — Bowler Hat Guy {{small|(archival recording)}} * {{w|Tony Anselmo}} — {{w|Donald Duck}} * [[Awkwafina]] — [[w:Sisu (Raya and the Last Dragon)|Sisu]] {{small|(archival recording)}} * {{w|Jason Bateman}} — [[w:List of characters in the Zootopia franchise#Nick Wilde|Nick Wilde]] * [[w:Bill Baucom|Bill Baucom]] — Trusty {{small|(archival recording)}} * {{w|Peter Behn}} — Thumper {{small|(archival recording)}} * [[w:Kristen Bell|Kristen Bell]] — [[w:Anna (Frozen)|Anna]] * [[Jodi Benson]] — [[w:Ariel (The Little Mermaid)|Ariel]] * {{w|Robby Benson}} — [[w:Beast (Disney character)|Beast]] * {{w|Eric Blore}} — J. Thaddeus Toad {{small|(archival recording)}} * {{w|Ravi Cabot-Conyers}} — Antonio Madrigal * {{w|Charlie Callas}} — Elliott {{small|(archival recording)}} * {{w|Griffen Campbell}} — [[w:Pinocchio#Disney version|Pinocchio]] * [[Pat Carroll (actress)|Pat Carroll]] — [[w:Ursula (The Little Mermaid)|Ursula]] {{small|(archival recording)}} * {{w|Auliʻi Cravalho}} — [[w:Moana (character)|Moana]] * {{w|Jim Cummings}} — [[w:Baloo#Disney versions|Baloo]] and [[w:Winnie the Pooh (Disney character)|Winnie the Pooh]] * {{w|Ariana DeBose}} — Asha * {{w|Chris Diamantopoulos}} — [[Mickey Mouse]] * [[w:Bobby Driscoll|Bobby Driscoll]] — Peter Pan {{small|(archival recording)}} * {{w|Cliff Edwards}} — {{w|Jiminy Cricket}} {{small|(archival recording)}} * {{w|Richard Epcar}} — Little John * {{w|Bill Farmer}} — [[Goofy]] and [[w:Pluto (Disney character)|Pluto]] * {{w|Verna Felton}} — [[w:Flora, Fauna and Merryweather|Flora]] {{small|(archival recording)}} * [[w:Keith Ferguson (voice actor)|Keith Ferguson]] — [[w:List of Disney%27s Cinderella characters#Prince_Charming|Prince Charming]] * {{w|Santino Fontana}} — Hans {{small|(archival recording)}} * [[w:Josh Gad|Josh Gad]] — [[w:Olaf (Frozen)|Olaf]] * {{w|Ginnifer Goodwin}} — [[w:List of characters in the Zootopia franchise#Judy Hopps|Judy Hopps]] * [[Joseph Gordon-Levitt]] — [[w:Jim Hawkins (character)#Treasure Planet version|Jim Hawkins]] {{small|(archival recording)}} * {{w|Jonathan Groff}} — [[w:Kristoff (Frozen)|Kristoff]] * {{w|Robert Guillaume}} — [[w:List of The Lion King (franchise) characters#Rafiki|Rafiki]] {{small|(archival recording)}} * {{w|Jennifer Hale}} — [[w:Cinderella (Disney character)|Cinderella]] * {{w|Jess Harnell}} — [[w:List of The Little Mermaid characters#Scuttle|Scuttle]] * {{w|Sterling Holloway}} — Cheshire Cat, [[w:Kaa#Disney adaptions|Kaa]] and Winnie the Pooh {{small|(archival recording)}} * {{w|Tom Hulce}} — [[w:Quasimodo#Disney version|Quasimodo]] * [[Jeremy Irons]] — [[w:Scar (The Lion King)|Scar]] * [[Dwayne Johnson]] — [[w:Maui (Moana)|Maui]] * [[Billy Joel]] — Dodger {{small|(archival recording)}} * {{w|Bob Joles}} — [[w:List of Disney%27s Beauty and the Beast characters#Cogsworth|Cogsworth]] {{col-2}} * {{w|Charles Judels}} — [[w:Mangiafuoco#Stromboli (Disney)|Stromboli]] {{small|(archival recording)}} * {{w|Judy Kuhn}} — [[w:Pocahontas (character)|Pocahontas]] {{small|(singing)}} * [[Nathan Lane]] — [[w:Timon and Pumbaa|Timon]] * {{w|Luke Lowe}} — [[w:List of The Little Mermaid characters#Flounder|Flounder]] * {{w|Barbara Luddy}} — [[w:Flora, Fauna and Merryweather|Merryweather]] {{small|(archival recording)}} * [[w:Jimmy MacDonald (sound effects artist)|Jimmy MacDonald]] — [[w:List of Disney%27s Cinderella characters#Jaq and Gus|Jaq and Gus]] {{small|(archival recording)}} * {{w|Idina Menzel}} — [[w:Elsa (Frozen)|Elsa]] * {{w|Jim Meskimen}} — [[w:Eeyore#Disney adaptations|Eeyore]] and [[w:Merlin (Disney)|Merlin]] * {{w|Piotr Michael}} — [[w:Iago (Aladdin)|Iago]] * {{w|Mandy Moore}} — [[w:Rapunzel (Tangled)|Rapunzel]] * {{w|Clarence Nash}} — Donald Duck {{small|(archival recording)}} * [[Bob Newhart]] — Bernard {{small|(archival recording)}} * [[Joseph Gordon-Levitt]] — [[w:Jiminy Cricket|Jiminy Cricket]] * {{w|Paige O'Hara}} — [[w:Belle (Disney character)|Belle]] * {{w|Raymond S. Persi}} — [[w:List of characters in the Zootopia franchise#Flash|Flash]] * {{w|Ian R'Mante}} — [[w:Thumper (Bambi)|Thumper]] * Adam Ryen — Cody {{small|(archival recording)}} * [[John C. Reilly]] — Wreck-It Ralph * {{w|Phoenix Reisser}} — Mowgli * {{w|Kaitlyn Robrock}} — {{w|Minnie Mouse}} * {{w|Anika Noni Rose}} — [[w:Tiana (The Princess and the Frog)|Tiana]] * {{w|Lea Salonga}} — [[w:Mulan (Disney character)|Mulan]] {{small|(singing)}} * {{w|Chris Sanders}} — [[w:Stitch (Lilo & Stitch)|Stitch]] {{small|(archival recording)}} * {{w|Lee Slobotkin}} — Peter Pan * [[Sarah Silverman]] — Vanellope von Schweetz {{small|(archival recording)}} * [[David Spade]] — [[w:List of The Emperor%27s New Groove characters#Kuzco|Kuzco]] {{small|(archival recording)}} * {{w|Natalie Babbitt Taylor}} — [[w:Snow White (Disney character)|Snow White]] * {{w|Josh Robert Thompson}} — Grumpy * [[Kelly Marie Tran]] — [[w:Raya (Raya and the Last Dragon)|Raya]] * {{w|Alan Tudyk}} — Mad Hatter * [[w:Mark Walton (story artist)|Mark Walton]] — Rhino {{small|(archival recording)}} * {{w|Scott Weinger}} — [[w:Aladdin (Disney character)|Aladdin]] * [[w:Frank Welker|Frank Welker]] — [[w:List of Disney%27s Aladdin characters#Abu|Abu]] and Joanna {{small|(archival recording)}} * [[w:Richard White (actor)|Richard White]] — [[w:Gaston (Beauty and the Beast)|Gaston]] * {{w|Harland Williams}} — Carl * [[Robin Williams]] — [[w:Genie (Disney)|Genie]] {{small|(archival recording)}} * {{w|Daniel Wolfe}} — [[w:Robin Hood (Disney character)|Robin Hood]] * [[James Woods]] — [[w:List of Disney%27s Hercules characters#Hades|Hades]] * {{w|Michael-Leon Wooley}} — Louis {{small|(archival recording)}} * {{w|Alan Young}} — {{w|Scrooge McDuck}} {{small|(archival recording)}} {{col-end}} ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{Authority control}} {{Walt Disney Animation Studios}} [[Category:2023 films]] [[Category:American animated short films]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy films]] [[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]] [[Category:Short films with live action and animation]] [[Category:Children's animated fantasy short films]] [[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]] [[Category:Crossover animated films]] [[Category:Films with archival recordings]] [[Category:The Walt Disney Company]] k1uemc2fyx74llswtbnwc1hbwgz3mrs 3779022 3779021 2025-07-15T03:34:45Z Bszabo15 1085757 /* Voices */ 3779022 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''{{w|Once Upon a Studio}}''''' is a 2023 [[w:Live-action animated film|live-action/animated]] [[w:Fantasy comedy|fantasy comedy]] [[w:Crossover (fiction)|crossover]] short produced by {{w|Walt Disney Animation Studios}} and written and directed by Dan Abraham and Trent Correy. It debuted on June 11, 2023 at the {{w|Annecy International Animation Film Festival}} and had its first public showing on [[w:American Broadcasting Company|ABC]] on October 15, 2023. ''Once Upon a Studio'' features Mickey Mouse corralling a gallery of legendary Disney characters for a group photo in honor of [[The Walt Disney Company]]'s centennial. ==Dialogue== :'''Mickey Mouse''': ''[after all the animators leave the studio, Mickey comes to life from the cel with him and Minnie]'' Psst! Tink. Tinker Bell. You there? ''[Tinker Bell flies to him]'' Is that it? They all gone? ''[Tinker Bell nods]'' Oh boy! ''[jumps out of the cel, taking Minnie's hand and pulls her with him into the studio]'' Come on, Minnie. This is it! :'''Minnie Mouse''': Let's get the gang! YOO-HOO! :'''Tiana''': ''[hears from her cel]'' There's the signal! ''[jumps out of her cel and into the studio]'' All right, y'all! It's picture time! :''[other characters start coming out of their respective cels]'' :'''Pinocchio''': That's tonight? :'''Tiana''': That's now. :'''Judy Hopps''': 100-year group photo! And the sun's going down. C'mon, let's "hop" to it! :'''Nick Wilde''': Ooo, a bunny pun. ''[chuckles]'' Gotta like that. <hr width=50%> :'''Olaf''': ''[drawing an animation cel, quietly singing]'' ''I'm in the mood, to help ya, dude...'' :'''Timon''': ''[riding Pumba as he walks by the door]'' Hey, Frosty! Shake a leg, will ya? :'''Olaf''': ''[to the audience]'' The leg won't make any difference, it's all in the wrist. :''[Genie suddenly pops out of the cel, knocking Olaf over and causing him to fall to pieces]'' :'''Genie''': Oi! I haven't seen a fall like that since Rome. ''[uses his magic to repair Olaf]'' Oh, much better. <hr width=50%> :''[Mickey sees Kaa hypnotizing Clarabelle]'' :'''Mickey Mouse''': Kaa? You-you stop that now, Kaa! :'''Rapunzel''': ''[following with her frying pan]'' Don't worry, Mickey. I got this... :''[Rapunzel hits Kaa with the frying pan off-camera. Mickey then notices a picture of Walt Disney and steps to it, reverently taking his hat off and looking fondly at the picture for a moment as Feed the Birds plays]'' :'''Minnie Mouse''': ''[off-screen from a distance]'' Oh, Mickey! Where are you? We're in the lobby! :'''Mickey Mouse''': ''[to the picture of Walt]'' Oh, heh, gotta go...but thanks. ''[puts his hat back on]'' On with the show. <hr width=50%> :''[Mickey rides on Dumbo to the lobby to the doors passing a bunch of characters]'' :'''Raya''': Coast is clear, Mick. :'''Mickey Mouse''': Great! ''[Hops off of Dumbo as they flew outside]'' Right this way! ''[Ralph walks into the studio entrance door]'' Oh! Ralph, you okay? :'''Wreck-It Ralph''': Never better, [[w:Garfield (character)|Garfield]]. ''[trips over a garbage bin]'' :'''Scar''': I'm surrounded by IDIOTS! ''[ducks as Mr. Toad rides on the Magic Carpet]'' :'''Mr. Toad''': Tally-ho! Whee! I'll show you the world! Ha-ha-ha! :'''Mickey Mouse''': Oh, great. The ladder. :''[Ichabod Crane ducks his head to avoid the ladder being carried by Goofy and runs away]'' :'''Trusty''': ''[while walking with Jock]'' I don't recollect if I've ever mentioned Old Reliable before. He'd say, uh... :'''Flora''': Make it pink. ''[turns the giant Sorcerer Hat on the studio building pink]'' :'''Merryweather''': Ohh, make it blue! ''[turns the giant Sorcerer Hat back to blue]'' :'''Mickey Mouse''': Okay, everybody. Get together now. ''[to Oswald]'' Oh! After you. :'''Emperor Kuzco''': No touchy! :'''Rafiki''': ''[laughs and hands the camera to Goofy]'' It is time. :'''Goofy''': ''[chuckles as he grabs the camera]'' Thank you. ''[starts climbing up the ladder while humming, the ladder rocking precariously]'' :'''Mickey Mouse''': Goofy, careful! :'''Goofy''': ''[continues climbing until he reaches to the top, the ladder swaying farther and farther back and forth]'' All right. Now where's that timer button? :'''Iago''': Oh, oh! Three, two, one... :'''Goofy''': YAAH-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOOEY!!! :''[Goofy falls off the ladder, the camera smashing to pieces as it hits the ground. Stitch comes over and starts chewing on a piece of it before Lilo pulls him away]'' :'''Grumpy''': Well, that was fun. :'''Eeyore''': Maybe we can try again in another hundred years. <hr width=50%> :''[Everyone starts walking back into the studio, the group photo ruined. Suddenly, Alan-a-Dale starts playing "When You Wish Upon a Star" on his lute, then joined by Scat Cat on his trumpet, Mirabel on her accordion, and Hathi Jr. blowing a note with his trunk]'' :'''Belle''': ''[singing]'' Anything your heart desires... :''[The Beast joins Belle]'' :'''Belle & the Beast''': ''[singing]'' Will come to you. :'''Hades''': ''[spoken; annoyed]'' I knew this was gonna happen. :'''Quasimodo''': ''[singing]'' If your heart is in your dream... :'''Pocahontas''': ''[singing]'' No request is too extreme. :'''Ariel''': ''[singing]'' When you wish- :''[Scuttle squawks off-key to the song for a few notes, before his beak is closed by Baloo]'' :'''Baloo & Mowgli''': ''[singing]'' As dreamers do. <hr width=50%> :''[the camera has been fixed by Fix-it-Felix Jr and the ladder has been put back up by Hercules, and Goofy, with help from the Fairy Godmother, places the camera on the ladder]'' :'''Snow White, Mulan, and Asha''': ''[singing]'' Like a bolt out of the blue. :'''Winnie the Pooh''': ''[singing]'' Fate steps in... ''[gets knocked over and landed on by Tigger; chuckles]'' And sees you through. :'''Jiminy''': ''[Standing on Mickey's hand, singing]'' When you wish upon a star :'''All''': ''[singing]'' Your dreams… come… true! :''[Tinker Bell comes back as everyone singing and holding a note to make a group picture as they continue singing and holding a note]'' ==Cast== * {{w|Burny Mattinson}} — Himself * {{w|Renika Williams}} — Disney intern ===Voices=== {{col-begin}} {{col-2}} * {{w|Scott Adsit}} — [[w:Baymax#Disney version|Baymax]] * {{w|Stan Alexander}} — Flower {{small|(archival recording)}} * [[w:Stephen Anderson (artist)|Stephen Anderson]] — Bowler Hat Guy {{small|(archival recording)}} * {{w|Tony Anselmo}} — {{w|Donald Duck}} * [[Awkwafina]] — [[w:Sisu (Raya and the Last Dragon)|Sisu]] {{small|(archival recording)}} * {{w|Jason Bateman}} — [[w:List of characters in the Zootopia franchise#Nick Wilde|Nick Wilde]] * [[w:Bill Baucom|Bill Baucom]] — Trusty {{small|(archival recording)}} * {{w|Peter Behn}} — Thumper {{small|(archival recording)}} * [[w:Kristen Bell|Kristen Bell]] — [[w:Anna (Frozen)|Anna]] * [[Jodi Benson]] — [[w:Ariel (The Little Mermaid)|Ariel]] * {{w|Robby Benson}} — [[w:Beast (Disney character)|Beast]] * {{w|Eric Blore}} — J. Thaddeus Toad {{small|(archival recording)}} * {{w|Ravi Cabot-Conyers}} — Antonio Madrigal * {{w|Charlie Callas}} — Elliott {{small|(archival recording)}} * {{w|Griffen Campbell}} — [[w:Pinocchio#Disney version|Pinocchio]] * [[Pat Carroll (actress)|Pat Carroll]] — [[w:Ursula (The Little Mermaid)|Ursula]] {{small|(archival recording)}} * {{w|Auliʻi Cravalho}} — [[w:Moana (character)|Moana]] * {{w|Jim Cummings}} — [[w:Baloo#Disney versions|Baloo]] and [[w:Winnie the Pooh (Disney character)|Winnie the Pooh]] * {{w|Ariana DeBose}} — Asha * {{w|Chris Diamantopoulos}} — [[Mickey Mouse]] * [[w:Bobby Driscoll|Bobby Driscoll]] — Peter Pan {{small|(archival recording)}} * {{w|Cliff Edwards}} — {{w|Jiminy Cricket}} {{small|(archival recording)}} * {{w|Richard Epcar}} — Little John * {{w|Bill Farmer}} — [[Goofy]] and [[w:Pluto (Disney character)|Pluto]] * {{w|Verna Felton}} — [[w:Flora, Fauna and Merryweather|Flora]] {{small|(archival recording)}} * [[w:Keith Ferguson (voice actor)|Keith Ferguson]] — [[w:List of Disney%27s Cinderella characters#Prince_Charming|Prince Charming]] * {{w|Santino Fontana}} — Hans {{small|(archival recording)}} * [[w:Josh Gad|Josh Gad]] — [[w:Olaf (Frozen)|Olaf]] * {{w|Ginnifer Goodwin}} — [[w:List of characters in the Zootopia franchise#Judy Hopps|Judy Hopps]] * [[Joseph Gordon-Levitt]] — [[w:Jim Hawkins (character)#Treasure Planet version|Jim Hawkins]] {{small|(archival recording)}} * {{w|Jonathan Groff}} — [[w:Kristoff (Frozen)|Kristoff]] * {{w|Robert Guillaume}} — [[w:List of The Lion King (franchise) characters#Rafiki|Rafiki]] {{small|(archival recording)}} * {{w|Jennifer Hale}} — [[w:Cinderella (Disney character)|Cinderella]] * {{w|Jess Harnell}} — [[w:List of The Little Mermaid characters#Scuttle|Scuttle]] * {{w|Sterling Holloway}} — Cheshire Cat, [[w:Kaa#Disney adaptions|Kaa]] and Winnie the Pooh {{small|(archival recording)}} * {{w|Tom Hulce}} — [[w:Quasimodo#Disney version|Quasimodo]] * [[Jeremy Irons]] — [[w:Scar (The Lion King)|Scar]] * [[Dwayne Johnson]] — [[w:Maui (Moana)|Maui]] * [[Billy Joel]] — Dodger {{small|(archival recording)}} {{col-2}} * {{w|Bob Joles}} — [[w:List of Disney%27s Beauty and the Beast characters#Cogsworth|Cogsworth]] * {{w|Charles Judels}} — [[w:Mangiafuoco#Stromboli (Disney)|Stromboli]] {{small|(archival recording)}} * {{w|Judy Kuhn}} — [[w:Pocahontas (character)|Pocahontas]] {{small|(singing)}} * [[Nathan Lane]] — [[w:Timon and Pumbaa|Timon]] * {{w|Luke Lowe}} — [[w:List of The Little Mermaid characters#Flounder|Flounder]] * {{w|Barbara Luddy}} — [[w:Flora, Fauna and Merryweather|Merryweather]] {{small|(archival recording)}} * [[w:Jimmy MacDonald (sound effects artist)|Jimmy MacDonald]] — [[w:List of Disney%27s Cinderella characters#Jaq and Gus|Jaq and Gus]] {{small|(archival recording)}} * {{w|Idina Menzel}} — [[w:Elsa (Frozen)|Elsa]] * {{w|Jim Meskimen}} — [[w:Eeyore#Disney adaptations|Eeyore]] and [[w:Merlin (Disney)|Merlin]] * {{w|Piotr Michael}} — [[w:Iago (Aladdin)|Iago]] * {{w|Mandy Moore}} — [[w:Rapunzel (Tangled)|Rapunzel]] * {{w|Clarence Nash}} — Donald Duck {{small|(archival recording)}} * [[Bob Newhart]] — Bernard {{small|(archival recording)}} * [[Joseph Gordon-Levitt]] — [[w:Jiminy Cricket|Jiminy Cricket]] * {{w|Paige O'Hara}} — [[w:Belle (Disney character)|Belle]] * {{w|Raymond S. Persi}} — [[w:List of characters in the Zootopia franchise#Flash|Flash]] * {{w|Ian R'Mante}} — [[w:Thumper (Bambi)|Thumper]] * Adam Ryen — Cody {{small|(archival recording)}} * [[John C. Reilly]] — Wreck-It Ralph * {{w|Phoenix Reisser}} — Mowgli * {{w|Kaitlyn Robrock}} — {{w|Minnie Mouse}} * {{w|Anika Noni Rose}} — [[w:Tiana (The Princess and the Frog)|Tiana]] * {{w|Lea Salonga}} — [[w:Mulan (Disney character)|Mulan]] {{small|(singing)}} * {{w|Chris Sanders}} — [[w:Stitch (Lilo & Stitch)|Stitch]] {{small|(archival recording)}} * {{w|Lee Slobotkin}} — Peter Pan * [[Sarah Silverman]] — Vanellope von Schweetz {{small|(archival recording)}} * [[David Spade]] — [[w:List of The Emperor%27s New Groove characters#Kuzco|Kuzco]] {{small|(archival recording)}} * {{w|Natalie Babbitt Taylor}} — [[w:Snow White (Disney character)|Snow White]] * {{w|Josh Robert Thompson}} — Grumpy * [[Kelly Marie Tran]] — [[w:Raya (Raya and the Last Dragon)|Raya]] * {{w|Alan Tudyk}} — Mad Hatter * [[w:Mark Walton (story artist)|Mark Walton]] — Rhino {{small|(archival recording)}} * {{w|Scott Weinger}} — [[w:Aladdin (Disney character)|Aladdin]] * [[w:Frank Welker|Frank Welker]] — [[w:List of Disney%27s Aladdin characters#Abu|Abu]] and Joanna {{small|(archival recording)}} * [[w:Richard White (actor)|Richard White]] — [[w:Gaston (Beauty and the Beast)|Gaston]] * {{w|Harland Williams}} — Carl * [[Robin Williams]] — [[w:Genie (Disney)|Genie]] {{small|(archival recording)}} * {{w|Daniel Wolfe}} — [[w:Robin Hood (Disney character)|Robin Hood]] * [[James Woods]] — [[w:List of Disney%27s Hercules characters#Hades|Hades]] * {{w|Michael-Leon Wooley}} — Louis {{small|(archival recording)}} * {{w|Alan Young}} — {{w|Scrooge McDuck}} {{small|(archival recording)}} {{col-end}} ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{Authority control}} {{Walt Disney Animation Studios}} [[Category:2023 films]] [[Category:American animated short films]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy films]] [[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]] [[Category:Short films with live action and animation]] [[Category:Children's animated fantasy short films]] [[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]] [[Category:Crossover animated films]] [[Category:Films with archival recordings]] [[Category:The Walt Disney Company]] mjwnpf7qg8njfcvbu9b4rtnre51bs6w 3779023 3779022 2025-07-15T03:42:28Z Bszabo15 1085757 /* Voices */ 3779023 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''{{w|Once Upon a Studio}}''''' is a 2023 [[w:Live-action animated film|live-action/animated]] [[w:Fantasy comedy|fantasy comedy]] [[w:Crossover (fiction)|crossover]] short produced by {{w|Walt Disney Animation Studios}} and written and directed by Dan Abraham and Trent Correy. It debuted on June 11, 2023 at the {{w|Annecy International Animation Film Festival}} and had its first public showing on [[w:American Broadcasting Company|ABC]] on October 15, 2023. ''Once Upon a Studio'' features Mickey Mouse corralling a gallery of legendary Disney characters for a group photo in honor of [[The Walt Disney Company]]'s centennial. ==Dialogue== :'''Mickey Mouse''': ''[after all the animators leave the studio, Mickey comes to life from the cel with him and Minnie]'' Psst! Tink. Tinker Bell. You there? ''[Tinker Bell flies to him]'' Is that it? They all gone? ''[Tinker Bell nods]'' Oh boy! ''[jumps out of the cel, taking Minnie's hand and pulls her with him into the studio]'' Come on, Minnie. This is it! :'''Minnie Mouse''': Let's get the gang! YOO-HOO! :'''Tiana''': ''[hears from her cel]'' There's the signal! ''[jumps out of her cel and into the studio]'' All right, y'all! It's picture time! :''[other characters start coming out of their respective cels]'' :'''Pinocchio''': That's tonight? :'''Tiana''': That's now. :'''Judy Hopps''': 100-year group photo! And the sun's going down. C'mon, let's "hop" to it! :'''Nick Wilde''': Ooo, a bunny pun. ''[chuckles]'' Gotta like that. <hr width=50%> :'''Olaf''': ''[drawing an animation cel, quietly singing]'' ''I'm in the mood, to help ya, dude...'' :'''Timon''': ''[riding Pumba as he walks by the door]'' Hey, Frosty! Shake a leg, will ya? :'''Olaf''': ''[to the audience]'' The leg won't make any difference, it's all in the wrist. :''[Genie suddenly pops out of the cel, knocking Olaf over and causing him to fall to pieces]'' :'''Genie''': Oi! I haven't seen a fall like that since Rome. ''[uses his magic to repair Olaf]'' Oh, much better. <hr width=50%> :''[Mickey sees Kaa hypnotizing Clarabelle]'' :'''Mickey Mouse''': Kaa? You-you stop that now, Kaa! :'''Rapunzel''': ''[following with her frying pan]'' Don't worry, Mickey. I got this... :''[Rapunzel hits Kaa with the frying pan off-camera. Mickey then notices a picture of Walt Disney and steps to it, reverently taking his hat off and looking fondly at the picture for a moment as Feed the Birds plays]'' :'''Minnie Mouse''': ''[off-screen from a distance]'' Oh, Mickey! Where are you? We're in the lobby! :'''Mickey Mouse''': ''[to the picture of Walt]'' Oh, heh, gotta go...but thanks. ''[puts his hat back on]'' On with the show. <hr width=50%> :''[Mickey rides on Dumbo to the lobby to the doors passing a bunch of characters]'' :'''Raya''': Coast is clear, Mick. :'''Mickey Mouse''': Great! ''[Hops off of Dumbo as they flew outside]'' Right this way! ''[Ralph walks into the studio entrance door]'' Oh! Ralph, you okay? :'''Wreck-It Ralph''': Never better, [[w:Garfield (character)|Garfield]]. ''[trips over a garbage bin]'' :'''Scar''': I'm surrounded by IDIOTS! ''[ducks as Mr. Toad rides on the Magic Carpet]'' :'''Mr. Toad''': Tally-ho! Whee! I'll show you the world! Ha-ha-ha! :'''Mickey Mouse''': Oh, great. The ladder. :''[Ichabod Crane ducks his head to avoid the ladder being carried by Goofy and runs away]'' :'''Trusty''': ''[while walking with Jock]'' I don't recollect if I've ever mentioned Old Reliable before. He'd say, uh... :'''Flora''': Make it pink. ''[turns the giant Sorcerer Hat on the studio building pink]'' :'''Merryweather''': Ohh, make it blue! ''[turns the giant Sorcerer Hat back to blue]'' :'''Mickey Mouse''': Okay, everybody. Get together now. ''[to Oswald]'' Oh! After you. :'''Emperor Kuzco''': No touchy! :'''Rafiki''': ''[laughs and hands the camera to Goofy]'' It is time. :'''Goofy''': ''[chuckles as he grabs the camera]'' Thank you. ''[starts climbing up the ladder while humming, the ladder rocking precariously]'' :'''Mickey Mouse''': Goofy, careful! :'''Goofy''': ''[continues climbing until he reaches to the top, the ladder swaying farther and farther back and forth]'' All right. Now where's that timer button? :'''Iago''': Oh, oh! Three, two, one... :'''Goofy''': YAAH-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOOEY!!! :''[Goofy falls off the ladder, the camera smashing to pieces as it hits the ground. Stitch comes over and starts chewing on a piece of it before Lilo pulls him away]'' :'''Grumpy''': Well, that was fun. :'''Eeyore''': Maybe we can try again in another hundred years. <hr width=50%> :''[Everyone starts walking back into the studio, the group photo ruined. Suddenly, Alan-a-Dale starts playing "When You Wish Upon a Star" on his lute, then joined by Scat Cat on his trumpet, Mirabel on her accordion, and Hathi Jr. blowing a note with his trunk]'' :'''Belle''': ''[singing]'' Anything your heart desires... :''[The Beast joins Belle]'' :'''Belle & the Beast''': ''[singing]'' Will come to you. :'''Hades''': ''[spoken; annoyed]'' I knew this was gonna happen. :'''Quasimodo''': ''[singing]'' If your heart is in your dream... :'''Pocahontas''': ''[singing]'' No request is too extreme. :'''Ariel''': ''[singing]'' When you wish- :''[Scuttle squawks off-key to the song for a few notes, before his beak is closed by Baloo]'' :'''Baloo & Mowgli''': ''[singing]'' As dreamers do. <hr width=50%> :''[the camera has been fixed by Fix-it-Felix Jr and the ladder has been put back up by Hercules, and Goofy, with help from the Fairy Godmother, places the camera on the ladder]'' :'''Snow White, Mulan, and Asha''': ''[singing]'' Like a bolt out of the blue. :'''Winnie the Pooh''': ''[singing]'' Fate steps in... ''[gets knocked over and landed on by Tigger; chuckles]'' And sees you through. :'''Jiminy''': ''[Standing on Mickey's hand, singing]'' When you wish upon a star :'''All''': ''[singing]'' Your dreams… come… true! :''[Tinker Bell comes back as everyone singing and holding a note to make a group picture as they continue singing and holding a note]'' ==Cast== * {{w|Burny Mattinson}} — Himself * {{w|Renika Williams}} — Disney intern ===Voices=== {{col-begin}} {{col-2}} * {{w|Scott Adsit}} — [[w:Baymax#Disney version|Baymax]] * {{w|Stan Alexander}} — Flower {{small|(archival recording)}} * [[w:Stephen Anderson (artist)|Stephen Anderson]] — Bowler Hat Guy {{small|(archival recording)}} * {{w|Tony Anselmo}} — {{w|Donald Duck}} * [[Awkwafina]] — [[w:Sisu (Raya and the Last Dragon)|Sisu]] {{small|(archival recording)}} * {{w|Jason Bateman}} — [[w:List of characters in the Zootopia franchise#Nick Wilde|Nick Wilde]] * [[w:Bill Baucom|Bill Baucom]] — Trusty {{small|(archival recording)}} * {{w|Peter Behn}} — Thumper {{small|(archival recording)}} * [[w:Kristen Bell|Kristen Bell]] — [[w:Anna (Frozen)|Anna]] * [[Jodi Benson]] — [[w:Ariel (The Little Mermaid)|Ariel]] * {{w|Robby Benson}} — [[w:Beast (Disney character)|Beast]] * {{w|Eric Blore}} — J. Thaddeus Toad {{small|(archival recording)}} * {{w|Ravi Cabot-Conyers}} — Antonio Madrigal * {{w|Charlie Callas}} — Elliott {{small|(archival recording)}} * {{w|Griffen Campbell}} — [[w:Pinocchio#Disney version|Pinocchio]] * [[Pat Carroll (actress)|Pat Carroll]] — [[w:Ursula (The Little Mermaid)|Ursula]] {{small|(archival recording)}} * {{w|Auliʻi Cravalho}} — [[w:Moana (character)|Moana]] * {{w|Jim Cummings}} — [[w:Baloo#Disney versions|Baloo]] and [[w:Winnie the Pooh (Disney character)|Winnie the Pooh]] * {{w|Ariana DeBose}} — Asha * {{w|Chris Diamantopoulos}} — [[Mickey Mouse]] * [[w:Bobby Driscoll|Bobby Driscoll]] — Peter Pan {{small|(archival recording)}} * {{w|Cliff Edwards}} — {{w|Jiminy Cricket}} {{small|(archival recording)}} * {{w|Richard Epcar}} — Little John * {{w|Bill Farmer}} — [[Goofy]] and [[w:Pluto (Disney character)|Pluto]] * {{w|Verna Felton}} — [[w:Flora, Fauna and Merryweather|Flora]] {{small|(archival recording)}} * [[w:Keith Ferguson (voice actor)|Keith Ferguson]] — [[w:List of Disney%27s Cinderella characters#Prince_Charming|Prince Charming]] * {{w|Santino Fontana}} — Hans {{small|(archival recording)}} * [[w:Josh Gad|Josh Gad]] — [[w:Olaf (Frozen)|Olaf]] * {{w|Ginnifer Goodwin}} — [[w:List of characters in the Zootopia franchise#Judy Hopps|Judy Hopps]] * [[Joseph Gordon-Levitt]] — [[w:Jim Hawkins (character)#Treasure Planet version|Jim Hawkins]] {{small|(archival recording)}} * {{w|Jonathan Groff}} — [[w:Kristoff (Frozen)|Kristoff]] * {{w|Robert Guillaume}} — [[w:List of The Lion King (franchise) characters#Rafiki|Rafiki]] {{small|(archival recording)}} * {{w|Jennifer Hale}} — [[w:Cinderella (Disney character)|Cinderella]] * {{w|Jess Harnell}} — [[w:List of The Little Mermaid characters#Scuttle|Scuttle]] * {{w|Sterling Holloway}} — Cheshire Cat, [[w:Kaa#Disney adaptions|Kaa]] and Winnie the Pooh {{small|(archival recording)}} * {{w|Tom Hulce}} — [[w:Quasimodo#Disney version|Quasimodo]] * [[Jeremy Irons]] — [[w:Scar (The Lion King)|Scar]] * [[Dwayne Johnson]] — [[w:Maui (Moana)|Maui]] * [[Billy Joel]] — Dodger {{small|(archival recording)}} {{col-2}} * {{w|Bob Joles}} — [[w:List of Disney%27s Beauty and the Beast characters#Cogsworth|Cogsworth]] * {{w|Charles Judels}} — [[w:Mangiafuoco#Stromboli (Disney)|Stromboli]] {{small|(archival recording)}} * {{w|Judy Kuhn}} — [[w:Pocahontas (character)|Pocahontas]] {{small|(singing)}} * [[Nathan Lane]] — [[w:Timon and Pumbaa|Timon]] * {{w|Luke Lowe}} — [[w:List of The Little Mermaid characters#Flounder|Flounder]] * {{w|Barbara Luddy}} — [[w:Flora, Fauna and Merryweather|Merryweather]] {{small|(archival recording)}} * [[w:Jimmy MacDonald (sound effects artist)|Jimmy MacDonald]] — [[w:List of Disney%27s Cinderella characters#Jaq and Gus|Jaq and Gus]] {{small|(archival recording)}} * {{w|Idina Menzel}} — [[w:Elsa (Frozen)|Elsa]] * {{w|Jim Meskimen}} — [[w:Eeyore#Disney adaptations|Eeyore]] and [[w:Merlin (Disney)|Merlin]] * {{w|Piotr Michael}} — [[w:Iago (Aladdin)|Iago]] * {{w|Mandy Moore}} — [[w:Rapunzel (Tangled)|Rapunzel]] * {{w|Clarence Nash}} — Donald Duck {{small|(archival recording)}} * [[Bob Newhart]] — Bernard {{small|(archival recording)}} * {{w|Paige O'Hara}} — [[w:Belle (Disney character)|Belle]] * {{w|Raymond S. Persi}} — [[w:List of characters in the Zootopia franchise#Flash|Flash]] * {{w|Ian R'Mante}} — [[w:Thumper (Bambi)|Thumper]] * Adam Ryen — Cody {{small|(archival recording)}} * [[John C. Reilly]] — Wreck-It Ralph * {{w|Phoenix Reisser}} — Mowgli * {{w|Kaitlyn Robrock}} — {{w|Minnie Mouse}} * {{w|Anika Noni Rose}} — [[w:Tiana (The Princess and the Frog)|Tiana]] * {{w|Lea Salonga}} — [[w:Mulan (Disney character)|Mulan]] {{small|(singing)}} * {{w|Chris Sanders}} — [[w:Stitch (Lilo & Stitch)|Stitch]] {{small|(archival recording)}} * {{w|Lee Slobotkin}} — Peter Pan * [[Sarah Silverman]] — Vanellope von Schweetz {{small|(archival recording)}} * [[David Spade]] — [[w:List of The Emperor%27s New Groove characters#Kuzco|Kuzco]] {{small|(archival recording)}} * {{w|Natalie Babbitt Taylor}} — [[w:Snow White (Disney character)|Snow White]] * {{w|Josh Robert Thompson}} — Grumpy * [[Kelly Marie Tran]] — [[w:Raya (Raya and the Last Dragon)|Raya]] * {{w|Alan Tudyk}} — Mad Hatter * [[w:Mark Walton (story artist)|Mark Walton]] — Rhino {{small|(archival recording)}} * {{w|Scott Weinger}} — [[w:Aladdin (Disney character)|Aladdin]] * [[w:Frank Welker|Frank Welker]] — [[w:List of Disney%27s Aladdin characters#Abu|Abu]] and Joanna {{small|(archival recording)}} * [[w:Richard White (actor)|Richard White]] — [[w:Gaston (Beauty and the Beast)|Gaston]] * {{w|Harland Williams}} — Carl * [[Robin Williams]] — [[w:Genie (Disney)|Genie]] {{small|(archival recording)}} * {{w|Daniel Wolfe}} — [[w:Robin Hood (Disney character)|Robin Hood]] * [[James Woods]] — [[w:List of Disney%27s Hercules characters#Hades|Hades]] * {{w|Michael-Leon Wooley}} — Louis {{small|(archival recording)}} * {{w|Alan Young}} — {{w|Scrooge McDuck}} {{small|(archival recording)}} {{col-end}} ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{Authority control}} {{Walt Disney Animation Studios}} [[Category:2023 films]] [[Category:American animated short films]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy films]] [[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]] [[Category:Short films with live action and animation]] [[Category:Children's animated fantasy short films]] [[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]] [[Category:Crossover animated films]] [[Category:Films with archival recordings]] [[Category:The Walt Disney Company]] bbbp95pslnsxu2xtygfs1x97omer3nd 0 264952 3779018 3687818 2025-07-15T03:21:55Z 2600:1700:C361:A40:598C:AA99:C4B7:8F3B /* Numbskull Island */ 3779018 wikitext text/x-wiki ---- :'''Seasons:''' [[Total Drama Island|1: ''Island'']] [[Total Drama Action|2: ''Action'']] [[Total Drama World Tour|3: ''World Tour'']] [[Total Drama: Revenge of the Island|4: ''Revenge of the Island'']] [[Total Drama All-Stars and Pahkitew Island|5: ''All-Stars and Pahkitew Island'']] | [[Total Drama Island (2023)|6: ''Island (2023)'']] | [[Total Drama|Main]] | '''Spin-offs:''' ''[[Total Drama Presents: The Ridonculous Race|The Ridonculous Race]]'' / ''[[Total DramaRama|DramaRama]]'' ---- '''''{{w|Total Drama Island (2023)}}''''' is the first Reboot Season And The 6th season Overall of Total Drama. It Has 2 Parts. new cast of 16 contestants. hosted by Chris McLean (Terry McGurrin, replacing Christian Potenza), who is assisted by the camp's chef and his co-host, Chef Hatchet (Deven Mack, replacing Clé Bennett). ==Episodes== ===Part 1=== ====Meet the Victims==== :'''Emma''': ''[enraged when she sees Chase]'' What is he doing here?! :'''Chase''': Babe? :''[Emma furiously tries to attack him, but Chris holds her back]'' :'''Bowie''': Ooh, I like this one. {{line}} :'''Wayne''': ''[after Chef Hatchet throws the box of cellphones into the bottom of the lake]'' That move was so cold you could hang ball caps on my nipples. :'''Chef Hatchet''': ''[giving the teams their flags]'' This team is the Ferocious Trout. This team is the Frogs of Death. Your teams will compete head-to-head in challenges. If your team wins, you're all safe. :'''Chris''': The losing team, however, will attend a marshmallow ceremony at the fire pit where they'll vote on which team member is the "loser'iest" loser of the losers, and that person is eliminated, and will immediately head to the Dock of Shame and be flown home by the Drone of Despair. {{line}} :'''Millie''': ''[Confessional]'' Anytime someone from my generation says or does something dumb, I make a note for my research. Ugh, my hand is already cramping. {{line}} :'''Damien''': ''[Confessional; horrified from seeing Ripper's butt the second time]'' No! No, no, no! You cannot put that on TV! {{line}} :'''Wayne''': Our team has some real hotties! :'''Raj''': For sure, eh! :'''Bowie''': Okay, if you're gonna talk about me, I'll give you some privacy. {{line}} :''[Caleb got voted off when Bowie convinced his team to vote for him, as he was seen as a threat.]'' :'''Caleb''': I don't get it, look at me! How- Why am I going home? I was the strongest player on my team! I'm smart, kind... This is garbage! I should go back there and give them a piece of my mi-. ''[Before he can finish, the Drone of Despair grabs him and carries him away]'' Whoa! :''[Unbeknownst of anyone, Bowie was hiding in a bush, smirking]'' :'''Bowie''': ''[confessional]'' Yeah, I might have mentioned to a few people that Caleb looked unbeatable and that voting him off now might be our only chance. I told you, I came for the crown. ====Pirates of the Cabbage'an==== :'''Priya''': ''[confessional]'' I can't believe I got taken out right away! Mom, Dad, I'm sorry. I know you covered this in my training, but you used melons. I think cabbages are faster! {{line}} :'''Scary Girl (Lauren)''': ''[confessional]'' If the shark ate Damien, he would scream a lot. I like that. But then Damien would never scream again. I don't like that. So I saved him! {{line}} :''[Axel got voted off when she punched Ripper and he fell overboard before the challenge began.]'' :'''Axel''': I don't see how the loss was my fault! I kicked a teammate overboard and yelled orders at the rest of the team to show they were below me. I did NOTHING wrong! :''[Axel looks up and sees the drone of despair.]'' :'''Axel''': You'll never take me alive! ''[dives in the lake]'' :'''Chris''': Yeah! That won't help! :''[The Drone of Despair grabs Axel and carries her away.]'' :'''Axel''': When the zombie apocalypse happens, I'm not gonna help any of you! :'''Chris''': ''[calling out]'' Well, I'm scratching you off my Christmas card list! ====Drown Town Abbey==== :''[Nichelle was voted off because she revealed to her teammates that she was not a real action hero and that she had a stunt double named Jerry, which cost the Frogs of Death the challenge.]'' :'''Nichelle''': Okay. You fell down, hurt your pride. So, what?! So, what?! I won’t let this define me. My mom did not raise a quitter, no she did not. There is only one person to blame here. ''[confessional]'' Jerry, my stunt double! Where were you when I needed you most, huh, Jerry? Huh?! ''[The Drone of Despair grabs her leg as she leaves the island]'' I HATE YOU, JERRY! ====Numbskull Island==== :'''Millie''': Every muscle in my body hurts right now, and I didn't even know I had muscles. :'''Chase''': ''[knocking on the door]'' Ladies? :'''Millie''': Can we help you? :'''Chase''': That challenge yesterday was quite the workout, but there's one special person who won us that victory. To Nichelle, for being brutally bad! :'''Priya''': No need to be mean. I feel sorry for her. Wait, is that mean? :'''Millie''': No. You're good. And it's not Nichelle's fault she's bad. She's a hot celebrity, so she's never had to actually do anything. :'''Chase''': Totally. It's like how Emma dumped me, because she thought I put her in "danger." But I knew she'd be fine. :'''Millie''': That is not the same thing at all, and you were totally in the wrong. {{line}} :''[Scary Girl (Lauren) got voted off because she ran off to give the skull a makeover, instead of giving it to Chris for the win, which cost the Ferocious Trout the challenge]'' :'''Ripper''': ''[upon getting the last marshmallow]'' '''YEAH! YEAH!!''' I'm gonna ''roast'' this one!!! ''[he "roasts" it by putting it under his butt and farting on it until it turns a sickly greenish-brown...]'' :'''Damien''': Don't tell me he's gonna... ''[...and he still eats it, immediately disgusted enough, he pukes]'' :'''Scary Girl (Lauren)''': ''[threateningly; after she was voted off]'' I WILL HAVE VENGEANCE ON THOSE WHO BETRAY ME! YEARS FROM NOW, WHEN YOU'VE LONG FORGOTTEN WHO I AM, ''[her eyes turn and everything goes red, in a demonic voice]'' I WILL FIND YOU AND MAKE YOU WISH YOU'VE NEVER BEEN BORN! ''[turns back to normal and causally skips away]'' Bye! {{line}} :'''Scary Girl (Lauren)''': ''[walking down the Dock of Shame]'' I didn't win, but I met a lot of people and I know their names. Which is good if you ever need an organ. ''[gets taken away by the Drone of Despair, but by opening her umbrella and flying away like [[w:Mary Poppins|Mary Poppins]]]'' :'''Chris''': Bye! Don't forget to not write! ====Jurassic Fart==== :''[Julia reveals her true Colors when a raptor roared at her.]'' :'''Julia''': I am so glad I skipped the beans this morning. ''[steps on a branch]'' {{line}} :''[Damien got voted off because, even though he was more than willing to compete, his teammates repay him for saving their lives by voting for him, as he no longer wanted to be voted off.]'' :'''Damien''': When I wanted to be booted off, no one did it. Then, I changed my mind about wanting to leave and-- ''[sigh]'' Irony is a cruel, cruel- ''[Screams as he gets taken away from The Drone of Despair]'' This is not safe! ====Launch Back of Notre Game==== :''[MK was eliminated when Julia exposed her for recording their confessionals and stealing their stuff.]'' :'''MK''': Aww man! That phone had all the dirt I needed to get myself into the finals. This rots! ''[The Drone of Despair grabs her and takes her away]'' Eh, on the bright side, at least I didn't make any friends. ====Severe Eggs and Pain==== :'''Chris''': Welcome to the next challenge! But, before we get started, Trout, Frogs, please bring Chef your flags. ''[Emma and Priya walk over and give their team banners to Chef, who throws them in a fire.]'' :'''Chef''': No more Trout, no more Frogs! The teams are now merged! {{line}} :'''Ripper''': I am the winner! Touchdown! ''[throws his egg down, but, it hatched into a baby cassowary]'' :'''Chris''': Ooh. Sorry! I wanted an egg. That is a baby. :'''Ripper''': But, but, it was an egg. ''[the baby cassowary proceeds to bite his leg]'' Oww! ''[he throws it away, but, the baby cassowary ends up chasing him]'' :'''Chris''': Win denied! :'''Ripper''': Oh. My mother was right! Babies ruin everything! :''[At the same time, Millie and Priya run by with cassowary eggs.]'' {{line}} :''[Wayne and Raj both left the competition, as they were attacked by a cassowary and fell down a cliff, leaving them being too injured to continue]'' :'''Chris''': Boys, it was a pleasure having you here. Any parting words? :'''Raj''': I'm a hotdog type! :'''Chris''': Okay. Later, skaters! :''[Wayne and Raj get taken away by The Drone of Despair]'' :'''Wayne and Raj''': Oh, Canada! :''[Sings Canada's National Anthem]'' ====The Wheel of Vomit==== :''[Ripper got voted off because the contestants see him as a threat.]'' :'''Ripper''': When I got here, I was just an awesome, super good-looking guy that everybody loved, but I think I showed the world I'm more than that. I'm leaving here a world record fart-holder! ''[Confessional]'' So... ''[Laughs]'' You're not gonna see me cry, I'll wait 'till I get home. ''[Gets taken away by The Drone of Despair, getting wedgied]'' Ow! Ow! Chris! No, Chris!!!! ====Paddle Field Earth==== :''[Zee got voted off when he reveals that he joined both alliances and when Bowie asked for a re-vote, they ended up sending Zee home.]'' :'''Zee''': Not gonna lie, I lasted longer than I thought I would! What a wild ride. Got to fly through an electrical storm, drank disgusting cow liquid, and even had a brief relationship with a large bird! ''[Confessional]'' ''[Sigh]'' Ugh, yeah. I didn't win the million bucks, but uh... I wouldn't change a thing! ...How did I get in here? Wasn't I just on the dock?! ''[Gets taken away by The Drone of Despair]'' :''Julia'': [To Bowie] Hey, watch it, blondie! ====The Truth, The Pole Truth and Nothing But the Truth==== :''[Chase got eliminated when he knocked Millie and Julia off their poles and threw the challenge for pizza.]'' :'''Chase''': Yeah, I got eliminated, and I didn't win the million bucks. ''[Confessional]'' But I got free pizza!!! Ba-Ba-Bauh! Oh, and uh, I got Emma back! I don't know how but, girls right? Who knows why they do anything. ''[Gets taken away by The Drone of Despair by the pizza slice he was about to eat]'' No!!! Get off of my pizza!! ====Tortoise Rigamortis==== :''[Emma got voted off when she accidentally killed a turtle.]'' :'''Emma''': What?! You’re booting me over a turtle?! :'''Millie''': Nah, we booted her because she did so well. Total threat. If she stunk like Bowie did, she'd still be here. :'''Emma''': ''[confessional]'' What's the point of having a shell covering your body if you can't survive falling out of a tree!? Ugh! But overall, I'm proud of myself. When I first got here, I was just like, a little mad at Chase. But, I think I hit it well. Then he totally helped me win immunity with the pole challenge, and we kissed.''[Confessional]'' So, I may not be going back home with a million dollars, but I'm going home to a boyfriend! ''[Gets taken away by The Drone of Despair]'' ====Caved by the Bell==== :''[Julia got eliminated when Bowie betrayed her and teamed up with Millie and Priya to vote her out.]'' :'''Chris''': So, Priya had immunity, let’s take a look at the votes. Julia, Julia. ''[Bowie and Julia look at Millie and Priya, as they were the ones that voted for Julia, they fist bumped each other]'' Next vote, Millie the nerd. And here’s a drawing of Millie’s stinky butt. Nice touch! :'''Julia''': ''[sits up and takes a bow, before sitting back down]'' Thank you! :'''Chris''': That’s two votes for Julia and one for Millie. Now, in the event of a tie, the camper who makes it to the finale and plays for one million dollars will be the camper with the most previous immunity wins. :'''Millie and Priya''': What?! :'''Julia''': Yes! Ha! Whoo-Hoo! Hahaha! ''[confessional]'' I was hoping for a fight to the death, but this works too. :'''Chris''': Without further ado, the final vote is for... Julia!? :'''Julia''': What?! No! You read it wrong. It's a tie! Bowie and I agreed to vote for… ''[gasps, when she realized that Bowie betrayed her; enraged]'' YOU!!! :'''Bowie''': ''[confessional]'' Me! ''[To Julia]'' Like you said! We're the villains! :'''Julia''': I’m going to find you and I’m going to... :'''Chris''': Julia! Dock of Shame! Let’s go! :'''Julia''': ''[walks away in a huff]'' If a double crosser can’t trust a double crosser, who can they trust, huh?! The answer is no one, and I forgot that! ''[confessional]'' Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some orders to cancel. :''[As Julia tries to cancel some orders, the Drone of Despair grabs her phone]'' :'''Julia''': Huh. Hey! No! This is my last phone! Chris! ====Magma Cum Laude==== ===Part 2=== ====The Pink Painter Strikes Again==== :'''Bowie''': Is it me or am I getting stink eye from like, everybody? :''[Everyone, minus the Hockey Bros, are all glaring coldly at Bowie for his actions from last season]'' {{line}} :''[Chris volunteers Priya and Bowie to pick players for their teams]'' :'''Chris''': Okay, Priya, the pressure's on. :'''Pirya''': Millie. :'''Millie''': Whoo! :'''Caleb''': ''[confessional]'' Millie? Millie?! Look at me! :'''Chris''': Most people would have picked a strong player, but, whatever. Bowie, you're up. Take your time. :'''Bowie''': Raj. :'''Raj''': Boom! Knew it! Whoo! ''[runs up to Bowie and hugs him]'' :'''Caleb''': ''[confessional]'' Now I'm getting mad! :'''Chris''': Ugh, two sentimental picks, so many feels, gross. Next! :'''Priya''': You remember the chapter I wrote on alliance building, so you obviously know who we should pick next. :'''Millie''': Yeah, I sure do, uh, we're gonna pick… :'''Priya & Millie''': Emma! :'''Millie''': We said it together. ''[laughs awkwardly]'' :'''Emma''': Yes! :'''Chris''': Okay, now we're talking! Next. :'''Bowie''': 'Kay, time to get strategic. Weigh every option, find the perfect balance of brains, brawn, cunning. :'''Raj''': Pick Wayne! :'''Bowie''': ''[sighs]'' Wayne. :'''Wayne''': Whoo, yeah! ''[confessional with Raj]'' I was worried there for a sec we were gonna be on different teams. :'''Raj''': Me too. Wayne and I are great together, but apart, we'd be like a bike with one wheel. :'''Wayne''': One wheel? What would you even call that? A "one-cycle?" :'''Millie''': So what are we thinking? :'''Priya''': I looked Caleb up online. He benches 350 pounds, got an early acceptance to M.I.T., and volunteered at kitten orphanage! :'''Emma''': Yes, we should pick someone, hot, strong, and emotionally mature! :'''Chase''': Sorry, kids. Looks like I'm-- :'''Priya''': We pick Caleb! :'''Caleb''': Yes! ''[confessional]'' I'm happy I got picked, but 5th, that's not good. :'''Bowie''': I know this pick could blow up in my face, but it'll also might just help me win a million bucks… Julia. :''[The other contestants gasp in shock as Julia smirks in satisfaction]'' :'''Julia''': ''[confessional]'' Gotta give Bowie credit. I'm a smart pick. I mean, sure, I'll eventually double-cross him and make him ugly cry on TV. But, until then, I'll bring my A-game. :'''Priya''': I pick Damien! :'''Damien''': Yes! :'''Ripper''': ''[confessional]'' Okay. Serious question. Am I invisible? :'''Bowie''': Chase. :'''Ripper''': Weak. :'''Priya''': Axel! :'''Ripper''': Worst pick yet. ''[gets trampled by Axel]'' :'''Axel''': Oops, sorry. Totally saw you there. :'''Bowie''': MK. :'''MK''': Thanks. ''[to Julia]'' I like your moves. :'''Julia''': I like your style. I trust you'll find some sneaky way to help us this season. :'''MK''': That's kind of my jam, and I hope you have a plan in case Bowie only picked you, so that he and the Hockey Bros could make you first voted off the island. :'''Julia''': ''[gasps]'' I haven't even considered that. :'''MK''': Then I guess I'm helping already. :'''Julia''': This could be the start of a beautiful alliance. ''[she and MK fist bump]'' :'''Chris''': ''[impatiently]'' Priya, let's go. :'''Priya''': We'll take Zee. :'''Zee''': Sweet! Take me for what? ''[confessional]'' Want to see something cool? Civil Suit Soda are paying me to be an influencer. It's not a million bucks, but, it's better than a fistful of bananas, which happens to be just one of their delicious flavors. ''[drinks the soda]'' Wow, that's gross. I mean, great! :'''Chris''': Okay, bottom of the barrel time. Bowie, it's your turn to pick. :'''Bowie''': Guess I'll take the new girl. :'''Chris''': There are no new contestants. That's Scary Girl. :'''Bowie''': Really? :'''Scary Girl (Lauren)''': ''[popping up behind him]'' You won't regret this. :'''Bowie''': ''[whispers frightfully; regretting his decision]'' Too late. ''[cringes]'' :'''Chris''': Priya, you get second-last pick. :'''Ripper''': ''[begging]'' Please don't make me the last pick! Please! :'''Priya''': I'll go with the person who didn't use me as a human shield: Nichelle! :'''Nichelle''': Yes! :'''Ripper''': Fart nuggets! :'''Nichelle''': ''[confessional]'' After I humiliated myself in the obstacle course last season, Hollywood cancelled me! But instead of wallowing, I spent the past few months training with the world's top parkour, kung fu and gymnastics experts. This season, I'm playing lights out! ''[punches and breaks the camera with her fist]'' :'''Chris''': And just like that, the teams are set! Priya, the players you picked will be called: Team Rat Face. :'''Bowie''': Rat Face! ''[laughs]'' :'''Chris''': Bowie, the players you picked will be called: Team Skunk Butt. :'''Bowie''': Yeah. I should have seen that coming. {{line}} :'''Priya''': Okay, team, we can win this with basic TDI strategy. Now, when Gran's watching, stop in a position you can hold. No balancing on one leg. Millie, you good? :'''Millie''': ''[chuckles]'' Yeah. Just getting psyched up! ''[confessional; groans]'' Why didn't I just train like I said I would? :'''Priya''': Now, let's do this! :''[Team Rat Face cheers]'' {{line}} :'''MK''': ''[confessional]'' Why am I doing all this running when I can hitch a ride all the way to the finish line? {{line}} :'''Nichelle''': ''[confessional; after crossing the finish line, winning the first challenge for her team]'' I think all my training has worked. {{line}} :''[Scary Girl (Lauren) got voted off first when she revealed to her teammates during the elimination ceremony that she was hiding in their closets while they were sleeping at night]'' :'''Scary Girl (Lauren)''': This is what you get while trying to conform with societal norms, carried into the sky by a drone. ''[confessional]'' I didn't even try to hurt anyone on my team this time! I taught myself how to smile 40% less creepily! Oh… This isn't the last of Scary Girl. I'm going to make them '''''PAY!''''' ''[laughs maniacally as the Drone of Despair takes her away]'' :'''Chris''': ''[shudders]'' And this is why you must always check your closets before you go to sleep, kids. ====Taking It to the Rim Reaper==== :''[Chase got eliminated when he spent most of the challenge trying to film the perfect waterslide intro instead of helping his teammates.]'' :'''Chase''': Uh, what are the producers thinking? Eliminating the best looking contestant this early? Not a smart move! ''[confessional]'' I'll show them. When the ratings tank and they come crawling up to me crying "Chase, please, we need you!" I'll be like (scoffs) Okay. ====You Poor Saps==== :'''Bowie''': ''[confessional; referring to Julia and MK]'' Those two are so sus, but there's no way they'd sabotage the team, at least not when I've still got voting numbers on my side. {{line}} :'''Nichelle''': ''[confessional]'' I'm not saying I'm the best contestant on the island this season, but I am. {{line}} :''[Millie got voted off because her teammates were still mad at her for pushing Damien down the fourth slide in the previous challenge, unaware that Damien forgave her for that]'' :'''Millie''': I lasted longer last season, but this time, I'm proud of how I played! Except for that first challenge when I got hit with the paint balloon before anyone else, and the second challenge where I tricked Damien and pushed him down the slide and made my team hate me... And I didn't play great today. I should have read the training binder. Yeah... ====Choosin' for a Brusin==== :''[Emma got voted off, because, after insisting that she’s a people person, she tried answering the questions for her team, only to get them wrong, which cost Team Rat Face the challenge. And if that wasn’t enough, Ripper and Axel officially became a couple.]'' :'''Emma''': ''[confessional]'' Aww! I really thought I had a chance this season. Guess I’ll have to go back to earning millions of dollars recording ten second dance routines on my phone. :'''Chris''': Take her away! ''[The Drone of Despair takes Emma away]'' Well. That ends another episode and surprisingly, no one died. ====Ice to Beat You==== :''[Nichelle left the competition when Julia tricked her with a fake Hollywood contract, which forced her to make a Hollywood comeback.]'' ====Canoe Belive It?==== :'''Chris''': It’s huge announcement time! :'''Julia''': Get on with it! :'''Chris''': Chef! Do your thing! :'''Chef''': ''[walks over]'' Team Rat Face! Team Skunk Butt! These are your banners. :''[Chef holds up the team banners, before putting them in a toxic substance, which caused an explosion.]'' :'''Chris''': The teams are merged! Look to your left and then to your right. Those are now your sworn enemies, going forward, only one camper can win immunity, which means everybody else is up for elimination. :'''Julia''': Oh. It is on! :'''Bowie''': ''[confessional]'' With the teams merging, I can’t control the vote and Julia is like a hungry dog eyeing a char-broiled Bowie burger. I need to win immunity today! {{line}} :'''Wayne''': Joust! :'''Julia''': ''[pretends to be hurt]'' I can’t believe you hit a girl! :'''Wayne''': Oh. I’m sorry, eh. I didn’t mean to... ''[Julia knocks him out, but, he hits the side of the canoe on his groin.]'' :'''Ripper''': Ouch! :'''Zee''': Dude! :'''Raj''': Wayne! :'''Wayne''': No jock! ''[falls in the water]'' {{line}} :''[Bowie got eliminated when Julia told the other competitors that the cheating was Bowie’s idea, sparing MK from elimination.]'' :'''Julia''': ''[confessional with MK]'' I told the Rat Faces that it was Bowie’s idea to cheat with the intern costume. :'''MK''': I can’t feel my face! :'''Bowie''' I should’ve seen it coming! If you’re the fittest, coolest, best looking person, people will always try to tear you down. ''[confessional]'' But, I don’t hate them for it. Except for Julia! ''[The Drone of Despair takes him away.]'' ====Fun Fight at the O'Cake Corral==== :''[Axel got voted off, because, the campers were tired of her and Ripper constantly making out and the fact that she’s a bigger threat. However, Ripper ends up going with her, resulting in a last minute double elimination.]'' ====Haulin' n' Ballin==== :''[At the elimination ceremony, everyone was mad at Caleb after what happened today, so, they distanced themselves away from him and Damien lifts his stool up to relocate himself.]'' :'''Caleb''': ''[confessional]'' I might be going home today. The worst part is, I’ll never get to explain myself to Priya. :'''Damien''': ''[confessional]'' Messing with people’s hearts?! No way! That’s gone too far! :'''Raj''': ''[confessional with Wayne]'' If I found Bowie was only pretending to like me to go further in the game, I’d be so sad. :'''Wayne''': And probably confused, cuz, he’s a way better contestant than you. :'''Raj''': Yeah! Sad and confused! :'''MK''': ''[confessional]'' I’m a naturally cold person, but, at least I’m upfront about it. Honest and cold-hearted. :'''Zee''': Hey, guys! ''[everyone else also distanced themselves away from him, because, they were still mad at him for revealing their secrets. Confessional, Zee sniffs himself]'' What’s the deal? :'''Julia''': ''[confessional]'' What's worse? Pretending you're falling for someone to achieve your own goals or telling on someone who is pretending to fall for someone to achieve their own goals? We're about to find out. :''[Priya, who is still upset after what happened today, is the last to arrive.]'' :'''Caleb''': Priya, I saved you a seat. :''[Priya ignores him and sat somewhere away from him.]'' :'''Chris''': Wow! So many feels! Gross? {{line}} :''[Zee got eliminated for not only revealing Caleb’s crush on Priya, but, revealing everyone else’s secrets.]'' :'''Zee''': Hahahaha, Well! I guess that’s a wrap on ol' Zee. I messed up by spilling everyone’s tea today. ''[confessional]'' But, at least Zee’s head is nice and empty. No more pressure. ''[The Drone of Despair takes him away]'' The pressure’s back! It’s all happening again! ====Breaking Up Is Hard to Do==== :''[MK got voted off when Julia made a pact not to badmouth each other.]'' ====Circling the Drain==== :''[Damien got voted off, because, Wayne and Raj didn’t want to separate Caleb and Priya after they reconciled. But, in a terrible turn of events, Julia shared her immunity with Caleb, which strains Caleb’s relationship with Priya. And to make matters worse for Damien, someone stole the immunity idol.]'' ====Working K9 to 5==== :''[Raj got eliminated when Julia convinced Caleb and Priya to vote him off, resulting in a 3-2 vote.]'' ====Off the Hook!==== :''[Julia was supposed to be eliminated. But, shockingly, she used the immunity idol, she stole from Damien to spare herself, causing Priya to get eliminated instead.]'' :'''Priya''': To make it this far and fail really hurts. But, I still have the million dollars from last season and I have Caleb. ''[confessional]'' What else could I really ask for? I mean. Other than REVENGE!!! :''[Caleb comes up to Priya.]'' ====Soar Losers==== :''[Priya shoots Julia as retaliation for getting her eliminated, causing Julia to fall off the high wire and into the water again.]'' :'''Julia''': ''[Screams as she falls off the tightrope and lands in the water, she comes up coughing and sees the raptor]'' Oh. Crud! Not you again! ''[Julia tries to swim away, but, the raptor roses and grabs her hair and unknowningly rips it off.]'' Ouch! Hey! :''[The other contestants gasped when that happened.]'' :'''Chris''': ''[gags and looks away]'' Oh boy! :'''Chef''': Can we even show this on TV? :'''Julia''': My hair! You gave me a mullet! ''[the word "mullet" echoes. Scene cuts to her and MK in the confessional, where Julia was crying about her horrible new hairdo.]'' :'''MK''': Hey! I like it! Business up front, party in the back. It’s the best of both worlds, or the worst. :''[Julia continues crying. End of confessional, Julia, in a fit of rage, grabs the raptor and gives it a powerful punch that sends it flying to a rock wall.]'' :'''Chris''': Uh oh! That horrible new haircut seems to have given Julia a power up! ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} [[Category:Total Drama seasons]] [[Category:Children's television seasons]] j8rxcxrakluz7rgj2rveb4khfsbw0pg 3779020 3779018 2025-07-15T03:28:13Z 2600:1700:C361:A40:598C:AA99:C4B7:8F3B /* Numbskull Island */ 3779020 wikitext text/x-wiki ---- :'''Seasons:''' [[Total Drama Island|1: ''Island'']] [[Total Drama Action|2: ''Action'']] [[Total Drama World Tour|3: ''World Tour'']] [[Total Drama: Revenge of the Island|4: ''Revenge of the Island'']] [[Total Drama All-Stars and Pahkitew Island|5: ''All-Stars and Pahkitew Island'']] | [[Total Drama Island (2023)|6: ''Island (2023)'']] | [[Total Drama|Main]] | '''Spin-offs:''' ''[[Total Drama Presents: The Ridonculous Race|The Ridonculous Race]]'' / ''[[Total DramaRama|DramaRama]]'' ---- '''''{{w|Total Drama Island (2023)}}''''' is the first Reboot Season And The 6th season Overall of Total Drama. It Has 2 Parts. new cast of 16 contestants. hosted by Chris McLean (Terry McGurrin, replacing Christian Potenza), who is assisted by the camp's chef and his co-host, Chef Hatchet (Deven Mack, replacing Clé Bennett). ==Episodes== ===Part 1=== ====Meet the Victims==== :'''Emma''': ''[enraged when she sees Chase]'' What is he doing here?! :'''Chase''': Babe? :''[Emma furiously tries to attack him, but Chris holds her back]'' :'''Bowie''': Ooh, I like this one. {{line}} :'''Wayne''': ''[after Chef Hatchet throws the box of cellphones into the bottom of the lake]'' That move was so cold you could hang ball caps on my nipples. :'''Chef Hatchet''': ''[giving the teams their flags]'' This team is the Ferocious Trout. This team is the Frogs of Death. Your teams will compete head-to-head in challenges. If your team wins, you're all safe. :'''Chris''': The losing team, however, will attend a marshmallow ceremony at the fire pit where they'll vote on which team member is the "loser'iest" loser of the losers, and that person is eliminated, and will immediately head to the Dock of Shame and be flown home by the Drone of Despair. {{line}} :'''Millie''': ''[Confessional]'' Anytime someone from my generation says or does something dumb, I make a note for my research. Ugh, my hand is already cramping. {{line}} :'''Damien''': ''[Confessional; horrified from seeing Ripper's butt the second time]'' No! No, no, no! You cannot put that on TV! {{line}} :'''Wayne''': Our team has some real hotties! :'''Raj''': For sure, eh! :'''Bowie''': Okay, if you're gonna talk about me, I'll give you some privacy. {{line}} :''[Caleb got voted off when Bowie convinced his team to vote for him, as he was seen as a threat.]'' :'''Caleb''': I don't get it, look at me! How- Why am I going home? I was the strongest player on my team! I'm smart, kind... This is garbage! I should go back there and give them a piece of my mi-. ''[Before he can finish, the Drone of Despair grabs him and carries him away]'' Whoa! :''[Unbeknownst of anyone, Bowie was hiding in a bush, smirking]'' :'''Bowie''': ''[confessional]'' Yeah, I might have mentioned to a few people that Caleb looked unbeatable and that voting him off now might be our only chance. I told you, I came for the crown. ====Pirates of the Cabbage'an==== :'''Priya''': ''[confessional]'' I can't believe I got taken out right away! Mom, Dad, I'm sorry. I know you covered this in my training, but you used melons. I think cabbages are faster! {{line}} :'''Scary Girl (Lauren)''': ''[confessional]'' If the shark ate Damien, he would scream a lot. I like that. But then Damien would never scream again. I don't like that. So I saved him! {{line}} :''[Axel got voted off when she punched Ripper and he fell overboard before the challenge began.]'' :'''Axel''': I don't see how the loss was my fault! I kicked a teammate overboard and yelled orders at the rest of the team to show they were below me. I did NOTHING wrong! :''[Axel looks up and sees the drone of despair.]'' :'''Axel''': You'll never take me alive! ''[dives in the lake]'' :'''Chris''': Yeah! That won't help! :''[The Drone of Despair grabs Axel and carries her away.]'' :'''Axel''': When the zombie apocalypse happens, I'm not gonna help any of you! :'''Chris''': ''[calling out]'' Well, I'm scratching you off my Christmas card list! ====Drown Town Abbey==== :''[Nichelle was voted off because she revealed to her teammates that she was not a real action hero and that she had a stunt double named Jerry, which cost the Frogs of Death the challenge.]'' :'''Nichelle''': Okay. You fell down, hurt your pride. So, what?! So, what?! I won’t let this define me. My mom did not raise a quitter, no she did not. There is only one person to blame here. ''[confessional]'' Jerry, my stunt double! Where were you when I needed you most, huh, Jerry? Huh?! ''[The Drone of Despair grabs her leg as she leaves the island]'' I HATE YOU, JERRY! ====Numbskull Island==== :'''Millie''': Every muscle in my body hurts right now, and I didn't even know I had muscles. :'''Chase''': ''[knocking on the door]'' Ladies? :'''Millie''': Can we help you? :'''Chase''': That challenge yesterday was quite the workout, but there's one special person who won us that victory. To Nichelle, for being brutally bad! :'''Priya''': No need to be mean. I feel sorry for her. Wait, is that mean? :'''Millie''': No. You're good. And it's not Nichelle's fault she's bad. She's a hot celebrity, so she's never had to actually do anything. :'''Chase''': Totally. It's like how Emma dumped me, because she thought I put her in "danger." But I knew she'd be fine. :'''Millie''': That is not the same thing at all, and you were totally in the wrong. {{line}} :'''Wayne''': Can you believe Nichelle? She was so fierce in the movies! Was she just pretending all this time? {{line}} :''[Scary Girl (Lauren) got voted off because she ran off to give the skull a makeover, instead of giving it to Chris for the win, which cost the Ferocious Trout the challenge]'' :'''Ripper''': ''[upon getting the last marshmallow]'' '''YEAH! YEAH!!''' I'm gonna ''roast'' this one!!! ''[he "roasts" it by putting it under his butt and farting on it until it turns a sickly greenish-brown...]'' :'''Damien''': Don't tell me he's gonna... ''[...and he still eats it, immediately disgusted enough, he pukes]'' :'''Scary Girl (Lauren)''': ''[threateningly; after she was voted off]'' I WILL HAVE VENGEANCE ON THOSE WHO BETRAY ME! YEARS FROM NOW, WHEN YOU'VE LONG FORGOTTEN WHO I AM, ''[her eyes turn and everything goes red, in a demonic voice]'' I WILL FIND YOU AND MAKE YOU WISH YOU'VE NEVER BEEN BORN! ''[turns back to normal and causally skips away]'' Bye! {{line}} :'''Scary Girl (Lauren)''': ''[walking down the Dock of Shame]'' I didn't win, but I met a lot of people and I know their names. Which is good if you ever need an organ. ''[gets taken away by the Drone of Despair, but by opening her umbrella and flying away like [[w:Mary Poppins|Mary Poppins]]]'' :'''Chris''': Bye! Don't forget to not write! ====Jurassic Fart==== :''[Julia reveals her true Colors when a raptor roared at her.]'' :'''Julia''': I am so glad I skipped the beans this morning. ''[steps on a branch]'' {{line}} :''[Damien got voted off because, even though he was more than willing to compete, his teammates repay him for saving their lives by voting for him, as he no longer wanted to be voted off.]'' :'''Damien''': When I wanted to be booted off, no one did it. Then, I changed my mind about wanting to leave and-- ''[sigh]'' Irony is a cruel, cruel- ''[Screams as he gets taken away from The Drone of Despair]'' This is not safe! ====Launch Back of Notre Game==== :''[MK was eliminated when Julia exposed her for recording their confessionals and stealing their stuff.]'' :'''MK''': Aww man! That phone had all the dirt I needed to get myself into the finals. This rots! ''[The Drone of Despair grabs her and takes her away]'' Eh, on the bright side, at least I didn't make any friends. ====Severe Eggs and Pain==== :'''Chris''': Welcome to the next challenge! But, before we get started, Trout, Frogs, please bring Chef your flags. ''[Emma and Priya walk over and give their team banners to Chef, who throws them in a fire.]'' :'''Chef''': No more Trout, no more Frogs! The teams are now merged! {{line}} :'''Ripper''': I am the winner! Touchdown! ''[throws his egg down, but, it hatched into a baby cassowary]'' :'''Chris''': Ooh. Sorry! I wanted an egg. That is a baby. :'''Ripper''': But, but, it was an egg. ''[the baby cassowary proceeds to bite his leg]'' Oww! ''[he throws it away, but, the baby cassowary ends up chasing him]'' :'''Chris''': Win denied! :'''Ripper''': Oh. My mother was right! Babies ruin everything! :''[At the same time, Millie and Priya run by with cassowary eggs.]'' {{line}} :''[Wayne and Raj both left the competition, as they were attacked by a cassowary and fell down a cliff, leaving them being too injured to continue]'' :'''Chris''': Boys, it was a pleasure having you here. Any parting words? :'''Raj''': I'm a hotdog type! :'''Chris''': Okay. Later, skaters! :''[Wayne and Raj get taken away by The Drone of Despair]'' :'''Wayne and Raj''': Oh, Canada! :''[Sings Canada's National Anthem]'' ====The Wheel of Vomit==== :''[Ripper got voted off because the contestants see him as a threat.]'' :'''Ripper''': When I got here, I was just an awesome, super good-looking guy that everybody loved, but I think I showed the world I'm more than that. I'm leaving here a world record fart-holder! ''[Confessional]'' So... ''[Laughs]'' You're not gonna see me cry, I'll wait 'till I get home. ''[Gets taken away by The Drone of Despair, getting wedgied]'' Ow! Ow! Chris! No, Chris!!!! ====Paddle Field Earth==== :''[Zee got voted off when he reveals that he joined both alliances and when Bowie asked for a re-vote, they ended up sending Zee home.]'' :'''Zee''': Not gonna lie, I lasted longer than I thought I would! What a wild ride. Got to fly through an electrical storm, drank disgusting cow liquid, and even had a brief relationship with a large bird! ''[Confessional]'' ''[Sigh]'' Ugh, yeah. I didn't win the million bucks, but uh... I wouldn't change a thing! ...How did I get in here? Wasn't I just on the dock?! ''[Gets taken away by The Drone of Despair]'' :''Julia'': [To Bowie] Hey, watch it, blondie! ====The Truth, The Pole Truth and Nothing But the Truth==== :''[Chase got eliminated when he knocked Millie and Julia off their poles and threw the challenge for pizza.]'' :'''Chase''': Yeah, I got eliminated, and I didn't win the million bucks. ''[Confessional]'' But I got free pizza!!! Ba-Ba-Bauh! Oh, and uh, I got Emma back! I don't know how but, girls right? Who knows why they do anything. ''[Gets taken away by The Drone of Despair by the pizza slice he was about to eat]'' No!!! Get off of my pizza!! ====Tortoise Rigamortis==== :''[Emma got voted off when she accidentally killed a turtle.]'' :'''Emma''': What?! You’re booting me over a turtle?! :'''Millie''': Nah, we booted her because she did so well. Total threat. If she stunk like Bowie did, she'd still be here. :'''Emma''': ''[confessional]'' What's the point of having a shell covering your body if you can't survive falling out of a tree!? Ugh! But overall, I'm proud of myself. When I first got here, I was just like, a little mad at Chase. But, I think I hit it well. Then he totally helped me win immunity with the pole challenge, and we kissed.''[Confessional]'' So, I may not be going back home with a million dollars, but I'm going home to a boyfriend! ''[Gets taken away by The Drone of Despair]'' ====Caved by the Bell==== :''[Julia got eliminated when Bowie betrayed her and teamed up with Millie and Priya to vote her out.]'' :'''Chris''': So, Priya had immunity, let’s take a look at the votes. Julia, Julia. ''[Bowie and Julia look at Millie and Priya, as they were the ones that voted for Julia, they fist bumped each other]'' Next vote, Millie the nerd. And here’s a drawing of Millie’s stinky butt. Nice touch! :'''Julia''': ''[sits up and takes a bow, before sitting back down]'' Thank you! :'''Chris''': That’s two votes for Julia and one for Millie. Now, in the event of a tie, the camper who makes it to the finale and plays for one million dollars will be the camper with the most previous immunity wins. :'''Millie and Priya''': What?! :'''Julia''': Yes! Ha! Whoo-Hoo! Hahaha! ''[confessional]'' I was hoping for a fight to the death, but this works too. :'''Chris''': Without further ado, the final vote is for... Julia!? :'''Julia''': What?! No! You read it wrong. It's a tie! Bowie and I agreed to vote for… ''[gasps, when she realized that Bowie betrayed her; enraged]'' YOU!!! :'''Bowie''': ''[confessional]'' Me! ''[To Julia]'' Like you said! We're the villains! :'''Julia''': I’m going to find you and I’m going to... :'''Chris''': Julia! Dock of Shame! Let’s go! :'''Julia''': ''[walks away in a huff]'' If a double crosser can’t trust a double crosser, who can they trust, huh?! The answer is no one, and I forgot that! ''[confessional]'' Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some orders to cancel. :''[As Julia tries to cancel some orders, the Drone of Despair grabs her phone]'' :'''Julia''': Huh. Hey! No! This is my last phone! Chris! ====Magma Cum Laude==== ===Part 2=== ====The Pink Painter Strikes Again==== :'''Bowie''': Is it me or am I getting stink eye from like, everybody? :''[Everyone, minus the Hockey Bros, are all glaring coldly at Bowie for his actions from last season]'' {{line}} :''[Chris volunteers Priya and Bowie to pick players for their teams]'' :'''Chris''': Okay, Priya, the pressure's on. :'''Pirya''': Millie. :'''Millie''': Whoo! :'''Caleb''': ''[confessional]'' Millie? Millie?! Look at me! :'''Chris''': Most people would have picked a strong player, but, whatever. Bowie, you're up. Take your time. :'''Bowie''': Raj. :'''Raj''': Boom! Knew it! Whoo! ''[runs up to Bowie and hugs him]'' :'''Caleb''': ''[confessional]'' Now I'm getting mad! :'''Chris''': Ugh, two sentimental picks, so many feels, gross. Next! :'''Priya''': You remember the chapter I wrote on alliance building, so you obviously know who we should pick next. :'''Millie''': Yeah, I sure do, uh, we're gonna pick… :'''Priya & Millie''': Emma! :'''Millie''': We said it together. ''[laughs awkwardly]'' :'''Emma''': Yes! :'''Chris''': Okay, now we're talking! Next. :'''Bowie''': 'Kay, time to get strategic. Weigh every option, find the perfect balance of brains, brawn, cunning. :'''Raj''': Pick Wayne! :'''Bowie''': ''[sighs]'' Wayne. :'''Wayne''': Whoo, yeah! ''[confessional with Raj]'' I was worried there for a sec we were gonna be on different teams. :'''Raj''': Me too. Wayne and I are great together, but apart, we'd be like a bike with one wheel. :'''Wayne''': One wheel? What would you even call that? A "one-cycle?" :'''Millie''': So what are we thinking? :'''Priya''': I looked Caleb up online. He benches 350 pounds, got an early acceptance to M.I.T., and volunteered at kitten orphanage! :'''Emma''': Yes, we should pick someone, hot, strong, and emotionally mature! :'''Chase''': Sorry, kids. Looks like I'm-- :'''Priya''': We pick Caleb! :'''Caleb''': Yes! ''[confessional]'' I'm happy I got picked, but 5th, that's not good. :'''Bowie''': I know this pick could blow up in my face, but it'll also might just help me win a million bucks… Julia. :''[The other contestants gasp in shock as Julia smirks in satisfaction]'' :'''Julia''': ''[confessional]'' Gotta give Bowie credit. I'm a smart pick. I mean, sure, I'll eventually double-cross him and make him ugly cry on TV. But, until then, I'll bring my A-game. :'''Priya''': I pick Damien! :'''Damien''': Yes! :'''Ripper''': ''[confessional]'' Okay. Serious question. Am I invisible? :'''Bowie''': Chase. :'''Ripper''': Weak. :'''Priya''': Axel! :'''Ripper''': Worst pick yet. ''[gets trampled by Axel]'' :'''Axel''': Oops, sorry. Totally saw you there. :'''Bowie''': MK. :'''MK''': Thanks. ''[to Julia]'' I like your moves. :'''Julia''': I like your style. I trust you'll find some sneaky way to help us this season. :'''MK''': That's kind of my jam, and I hope you have a plan in case Bowie only picked you, so that he and the Hockey Bros could make you first voted off the island. :'''Julia''': ''[gasps]'' I haven't even considered that. :'''MK''': Then I guess I'm helping already. :'''Julia''': This could be the start of a beautiful alliance. ''[she and MK fist bump]'' :'''Chris''': ''[impatiently]'' Priya, let's go. :'''Priya''': We'll take Zee. :'''Zee''': Sweet! Take me for what? ''[confessional]'' Want to see something cool? Civil Suit Soda are paying me to be an influencer. It's not a million bucks, but, it's better than a fistful of bananas, which happens to be just one of their delicious flavors. ''[drinks the soda]'' Wow, that's gross. I mean, great! :'''Chris''': Okay, bottom of the barrel time. Bowie, it's your turn to pick. :'''Bowie''': Guess I'll take the new girl. :'''Chris''': There are no new contestants. That's Scary Girl. :'''Bowie''': Really? :'''Scary Girl (Lauren)''': ''[popping up behind him]'' You won't regret this. :'''Bowie''': ''[whispers frightfully; regretting his decision]'' Too late. ''[cringes]'' :'''Chris''': Priya, you get second-last pick. :'''Ripper''': ''[begging]'' Please don't make me the last pick! Please! :'''Priya''': I'll go with the person who didn't use me as a human shield: Nichelle! :'''Nichelle''': Yes! :'''Ripper''': Fart nuggets! :'''Nichelle''': ''[confessional]'' After I humiliated myself in the obstacle course last season, Hollywood cancelled me! But instead of wallowing, I spent the past few months training with the world's top parkour, kung fu and gymnastics experts. This season, I'm playing lights out! ''[punches and breaks the camera with her fist]'' :'''Chris''': And just like that, the teams are set! Priya, the players you picked will be called: Team Rat Face. :'''Bowie''': Rat Face! ''[laughs]'' :'''Chris''': Bowie, the players you picked will be called: Team Skunk Butt. :'''Bowie''': Yeah. I should have seen that coming. {{line}} :'''Priya''': Okay, team, we can win this with basic TDI strategy. Now, when Gran's watching, stop in a position you can hold. No balancing on one leg. Millie, you good? :'''Millie''': ''[chuckles]'' Yeah. Just getting psyched up! ''[confessional; groans]'' Why didn't I just train like I said I would? :'''Priya''': Now, let's do this! :''[Team Rat Face cheers]'' {{line}} :'''MK''': ''[confessional]'' Why am I doing all this running when I can hitch a ride all the way to the finish line? {{line}} :'''Nichelle''': ''[confessional; after crossing the finish line, winning the first challenge for her team]'' I think all my training has worked. {{line}} :''[Scary Girl (Lauren) got voted off first when she revealed to her teammates during the elimination ceremony that she was hiding in their closets while they were sleeping at night]'' :'''Scary Girl (Lauren)''': This is what you get while trying to conform with societal norms, carried into the sky by a drone. ''[confessional]'' I didn't even try to hurt anyone on my team this time! I taught myself how to smile 40% less creepily! Oh… This isn't the last of Scary Girl. I'm going to make them '''''PAY!''''' ''[laughs maniacally as the Drone of Despair takes her away]'' :'''Chris''': ''[shudders]'' And this is why you must always check your closets before you go to sleep, kids. ====Taking It to the Rim Reaper==== :''[Chase got eliminated when he spent most of the challenge trying to film the perfect waterslide intro instead of helping his teammates.]'' :'''Chase''': Uh, what are the producers thinking? Eliminating the best looking contestant this early? Not a smart move! ''[confessional]'' I'll show them. When the ratings tank and they come crawling up to me crying "Chase, please, we need you!" I'll be like (scoffs) Okay. ====You Poor Saps==== :'''Bowie''': ''[confessional; referring to Julia and MK]'' Those two are so sus, but there's no way they'd sabotage the team, at least not when I've still got voting numbers on my side. {{line}} :'''Nichelle''': ''[confessional]'' I'm not saying I'm the best contestant on the island this season, but I am. {{line}} :''[Millie got voted off because her teammates were still mad at her for pushing Damien down the fourth slide in the previous challenge, unaware that Damien forgave her for that]'' :'''Millie''': I lasted longer last season, but this time, I'm proud of how I played! Except for that first challenge when I got hit with the paint balloon before anyone else, and the second challenge where I tricked Damien and pushed him down the slide and made my team hate me... And I didn't play great today. I should have read the training binder. Yeah... ====Choosin' for a Brusin==== :''[Emma got voted off, because, after insisting that she’s a people person, she tried answering the questions for her team, only to get them wrong, which cost Team Rat Face the challenge. And if that wasn’t enough, Ripper and Axel officially became a couple.]'' :'''Emma''': ''[confessional]'' Aww! I really thought I had a chance this season. Guess I’ll have to go back to earning millions of dollars recording ten second dance routines on my phone. :'''Chris''': Take her away! ''[The Drone of Despair takes Emma away]'' Well. That ends another episode and surprisingly, no one died. ====Ice to Beat You==== :''[Nichelle left the competition when Julia tricked her with a fake Hollywood contract, which forced her to make a Hollywood comeback.]'' ====Canoe Belive It?==== :'''Chris''': It’s huge announcement time! :'''Julia''': Get on with it! :'''Chris''': Chef! Do your thing! :'''Chef''': ''[walks over]'' Team Rat Face! Team Skunk Butt! These are your banners. :''[Chef holds up the team banners, before putting them in a toxic substance, which caused an explosion.]'' :'''Chris''': The teams are merged! Look to your left and then to your right. Those are now your sworn enemies, going forward, only one camper can win immunity, which means everybody else is up for elimination. :'''Julia''': Oh. It is on! :'''Bowie''': ''[confessional]'' With the teams merging, I can’t control the vote and Julia is like a hungry dog eyeing a char-broiled Bowie burger. I need to win immunity today! {{line}} :'''Wayne''': Joust! :'''Julia''': ''[pretends to be hurt]'' I can’t believe you hit a girl! :'''Wayne''': Oh. I’m sorry, eh. I didn’t mean to... ''[Julia knocks him out, but, he hits the side of the canoe on his groin.]'' :'''Ripper''': Ouch! :'''Zee''': Dude! :'''Raj''': Wayne! :'''Wayne''': No jock! ''[falls in the water]'' {{line}} :''[Bowie got eliminated when Julia told the other competitors that the cheating was Bowie’s idea, sparing MK from elimination.]'' :'''Julia''': ''[confessional with MK]'' I told the Rat Faces that it was Bowie’s idea to cheat with the intern costume. :'''MK''': I can’t feel my face! :'''Bowie''' I should’ve seen it coming! If you’re the fittest, coolest, best looking person, people will always try to tear you down. ''[confessional]'' But, I don’t hate them for it. Except for Julia! ''[The Drone of Despair takes him away.]'' ====Fun Fight at the O'Cake Corral==== :''[Axel got voted off, because, the campers were tired of her and Ripper constantly making out and the fact that she’s a bigger threat. However, Ripper ends up going with her, resulting in a last minute double elimination.]'' ====Haulin' n' Ballin==== :''[At the elimination ceremony, everyone was mad at Caleb after what happened today, so, they distanced themselves away from him and Damien lifts his stool up to relocate himself.]'' :'''Caleb''': ''[confessional]'' I might be going home today. The worst part is, I’ll never get to explain myself to Priya. :'''Damien''': ''[confessional]'' Messing with people’s hearts?! No way! That’s gone too far! :'''Raj''': ''[confessional with Wayne]'' If I found Bowie was only pretending to like me to go further in the game, I’d be so sad. :'''Wayne''': And probably confused, cuz, he’s a way better contestant than you. :'''Raj''': Yeah! Sad and confused! :'''MK''': ''[confessional]'' I’m a naturally cold person, but, at least I’m upfront about it. Honest and cold-hearted. :'''Zee''': Hey, guys! ''[everyone else also distanced themselves away from him, because, they were still mad at him for revealing their secrets. Confessional, Zee sniffs himself]'' What’s the deal? :'''Julia''': ''[confessional]'' What's worse? Pretending you're falling for someone to achieve your own goals or telling on someone who is pretending to fall for someone to achieve their own goals? We're about to find out. :''[Priya, who is still upset after what happened today, is the last to arrive.]'' :'''Caleb''': Priya, I saved you a seat. :''[Priya ignores him and sat somewhere away from him.]'' :'''Chris''': Wow! So many feels! Gross? {{line}} :''[Zee got eliminated for not only revealing Caleb’s crush on Priya, but, revealing everyone else’s secrets.]'' :'''Zee''': Hahahaha, Well! I guess that’s a wrap on ol' Zee. I messed up by spilling everyone’s tea today. ''[confessional]'' But, at least Zee’s head is nice and empty. No more pressure. ''[The Drone of Despair takes him away]'' The pressure’s back! It’s all happening again! ====Breaking Up Is Hard to Do==== :''[MK got voted off when Julia made a pact not to badmouth each other.]'' ====Circling the Drain==== :''[Damien got voted off, because, Wayne and Raj didn’t want to separate Caleb and Priya after they reconciled. But, in a terrible turn of events, Julia shared her immunity with Caleb, which strains Caleb’s relationship with Priya. And to make matters worse for Damien, someone stole the immunity idol.]'' ====Working K9 to 5==== :''[Raj got eliminated when Julia convinced Caleb and Priya to vote him off, resulting in a 3-2 vote.]'' ====Off the Hook!==== :''[Julia was supposed to be eliminated. But, shockingly, she used the immunity idol, she stole from Damien to spare herself, causing Priya to get eliminated instead.]'' :'''Priya''': To make it this far and fail really hurts. But, I still have the million dollars from last season and I have Caleb. ''[confessional]'' What else could I really ask for? I mean. Other than REVENGE!!! :''[Caleb comes up to Priya.]'' ====Soar Losers==== :''[Priya shoots Julia as retaliation for getting her eliminated, causing Julia to fall off the high wire and into the water again.]'' :'''Julia''': ''[Screams as she falls off the tightrope and lands in the water, she comes up coughing and sees the raptor]'' Oh. Crud! Not you again! ''[Julia tries to swim away, but, the raptor roses and grabs her hair and unknowningly rips it off.]'' Ouch! Hey! :''[The other contestants gasped when that happened.]'' :'''Chris''': ''[gags and looks away]'' Oh boy! :'''Chef''': Can we even show this on TV? :'''Julia''': My hair! You gave me a mullet! ''[the word "mullet" echoes. Scene cuts to her and MK in the confessional, where Julia was crying about her horrible new hairdo.]'' :'''MK''': Hey! I like it! Business up front, party in the back. It’s the best of both worlds, or the worst. :''[Julia continues crying. End of confessional, Julia, in a fit of rage, grabs the raptor and gives it a powerful punch that sends it flying to a rock wall.]'' :'''Chris''': Uh oh! That horrible new haircut seems to have given Julia a power up! ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} [[Category:Total Drama seasons]] [[Category:Children's television seasons]] tdjwvzxoxlf4yfjgvsg30eykc9i0m7e 0 264976 3778786 3685362 2025-07-14T18:23:08Z A23423413 3125316 /* Quotes about */ add 3778786 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Gabriela Mistral-01.jpg|thumb|Gabriela Mistral]] '''[[w:Gabriela Mistral|Lucila Godoy Alcayaga]]''' (Latin American Spanish: [luˈsila ɣoˈðoj alkaˈʝaɣa]; 7 April 1889 – 10 January 1957), known by her pseudonym '''Gabriela Mistral''' (Spanish: [ɡaˈβɾjela misˈtɾal]), was a Chilean poet-diplomat, educator, and Catholic. She was a member of the Secular Franciscan Order or Third Franciscan order. She was the first Latin American author to receive a [[w:Nobel Prize in Literature|Nobel Prize in Literature]] in 1945, "for her lyric [[poetry]] which, inspired by powerful emotions, has made her name a symbol of the idealistic aspirations of the entire Latin American world". == Quotes == *''Ya en la mitad de mis días espigo<br>esta verdad con frescura de flor:<br>la vida es oro y dulzura de trigo,<br>es breve el odio e inmenso el amor.'' **Now in the middle of my days I glean<br>this truth that has a flower's freshness:<br>life is the gold and sweetness of wheat,<br>hate is brief and [[love]] immense. **Fragment from [https://www.poemas-del-alma.com/palabras-serenas.htm "Palabras Serenas"] *''Piececitos de niño,<br>Dos joyitas sufrientes,<br>¡Cómo pasan sin veros<br>Las gentes!'' **Little feet of children,<br>two tiny suffering jewels,<br>how can people pass<br>and not see you! **Fragment from [https://www.espoesia.com/piececitos-de-nino-gabriela-mistral/ "Piececitos de Niño"] ==="Message About the Jews" (1935)=== Note in ''The House of Memory: Stories by Jewish Women Writers of Latin America'' edited by [[Marjorie Agosín]] (2022): "First published in El Mercurio, Santiago, Chile, June 16, 1935 and reprinted in 1987 in Prosa Religiosa de Gabriela Mistral, edited by Luis Vargas Saavedra, by Editorial Andrés Bello, Santiago, Chile. Translated from the Spanish by Alison Ridley." *The German, Polish, or Lithuanian Jew has been deprived of the sacred right to escape and be free. *It would be foolish for our America to latch onto the filthy tail of this antisemitic campaign. We have enough to do in our own nations-where everything is still in a state of primordial chemical soup-without distracting ourselves with French antics or absurd ventures in Berlin. *At the very least we should not continue, in the manner of the Pharisees, using the ancient proclamation against the Jew who has been thoroughly undermined by us. Moreover, we should, at a minimum, desist from exclaiming in plazas or in our homes the rebuke that was heard in the Middle Ages: "Hunt? the Jewish dog for being an infidel." Jesus Christ, in his infinite nature, would surely be infinitely disgusted upon hearing us utter such words as his supposed advocates and the sentinels of his doctrine. *Let's not ask our countries to accept a massive number of desolate Jewish immigrants. But let's do ask that they-with little rational effort, which is to say, with basic humanity-accept a small-agreed-upon quota of Jews who Europe has spewed from its twisted Christian viscera. Argentina has established-and I believe quite comfortably-its portion of the quota. If our twenty countries can follow through on this great act, which can only be termed an authentic act of decency, we will have accomplished an effective, honest, and generous feat. One should weigh and measure such adjectives carefully as they are very important to those who safeguard the continent's honor. By way of this act, we will have returned to Europe some of the culture and Christian policies that it originally imparted to us. In its stance toward the East, Europe has marred and debased its bimillenary rule. Let us cast back to Europe, from our side of the world, a collective gesture of an integral and inclusive Christian right that we learned from that continent during its purer era and that we have strengthened rather than squandered. ==Quotes about== *One of the few Latin American intellectuals who stood up against fascism and spoke about the impending fate of European Jews was Gabriela Mistral, who, in 1945, became the only Latin American woman to date to win the Nobel Prize in Literature. While not a Jew herself, we include here one of her essays, "Message about the Jews,"-which she wrote in 1934, shortly before assuming her post as consul to Chile in Portugal-because it is a poignant testimony to her commitment to human rights and the Jewish people throughout historical times of great suffering when countless other prominent intellectuals chose silence. Mistral was also influential in assisting with Jewish emigration to Chile when, after 1939, most Latin American nations had closed their borders to desperate Jewish refugees seeking asylum. **[[Marjorie Agosín]] Introduction to the second edition of ''The House of Memory: Stories by Jewish Women Writers of Latin America'' (2022) *I think I am a bit like Mistral: always a foreigner, always from somewhere else. **[[Marjorie Agosín]] [https://www.washingtonindependentreviewofbooks.com/index.php/features/an-interview-with-marjorie-agosin Interview] (2015) *Chilean Gabriela Mistral who has been canonized as the Saint Mother…Mistral was an advocate for human rights and the plight of the Indian long before those concerns became fashionable. **[[Marjorie Agosín]] Introduction to These Are Not Sweet Girls: Poetry by Latin American Women (2000), translated from Spanish by Monica Bruno *The official image of Gabriela Mistral violates all cultural stereotypes since her poems to mothers, women and children are filled with a deep ideological content that goes beyond that of a teacher preoccupied with the future of her pupils. In the poems by Mistral included in this anthology, we get a glimpse of her powerful imagination and figurative language based on minute elements. Her poetry is often stripped of the traditional metaphors associated with the poetic language employed by the women of her time. Mistral's voice, depicted in melodious lullabies and fantastic stories **[[Marjorie Agosín]] Introduction to These Are Not Sweet Girls: Poetry by Latin American Women (2000) *Just a few years ago, one could easily identify the women in all of Latin America who stood out in literature. Names like [[Gabriela Mistral]], [[Alfonsina Storni]], [[Juana de Ibarború]], [[Delmira Agustini]], [[Claudia Lars]], not to mention the greatest of them all, Sor [[Juana Inés de la Cruz]]... **[[Claribel Alegría]] [https://www.worldliteraturetoday.org/blog/news-and-events/sword-poetry-claribel-alegria-1924-2018 speech] (2006) Translation from the Spanish by David Draper Clark *This was the kind of woman she was: attentive to the present, dominated by the conscience of her deeds and of the course that history takes, incapable of refusing the claims of those who suffer from hunger or thirst for justice and love...If we read her work carefully, we will find embodied there the same concepts and attitudes, and it would almost be impossible to distinguish between art and life or to say if there is more authentic poetry in her verses that in her acts...Everything she did, said, and wrote was in some way saturated with that poetic air, revealing the marvelous, if somewhat delicate balance between the ‘is’ and the ‘should be.' **[[Margot Arce de Vazquez]] in ''Gabriela Mistral: The Poet and Her Work'' (1964), quoted [https://www.literaryladiesguide.com/classic-women-authors-poetry/10-poems-by-gabriela-mistral-about-life-love-and-death/ here] *The other event was reading Gabriela Mistral. She had been awarded the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1959 and her books were part of the library's small Latin American collection. Up to then I had not read any work at all which railed against women being forced to take on the "shame" of reproduction, pregnancy, sexuality. I read these poems with immense relief. Finding that you are not alone in anger at "immutable" laws inscribed by an overarching patriarchy assuages anxiety to a degree that's hard to describe. [[Ramabai Espinet]] ''Talk Yuh Talk: Interviews with Anglophone Caribbean Poets'' by Kwame Dawes (2000) *Mistral’s poetry is resolutely hermetic and often has a nightmarish quality. Even her nominally straightforward verses — those having to do with elements of nationalism, such as national symbology or national landscapes — contain a surreal quality...Mistral surrounded herself with and was surrounded by metaphors of silence, shame, and secrecy. Much of her poetic oeuvre revolves around a private world difficult to decipher, a world of loss and despair, of fantasy escapes into other realities. **[[Licia Fiol-Matta]], [https://www.literaryladiesguide.com/classic-women-authors-poetry/10-poems-by-gabriela-mistral-about-life-love-and-death/ Introduction] to ''A Queer Mother for the Nation: The State and Gabriela Mistral'' (2002) *Gabriela Mistral of Chile, the only Latin American woman to have won the Nobel Prize, was an educator, pacifist, and humanist who wrote with matchless intensity of frustrated and suffering womanhood. Her children's songs and lullabies are among the tenderest in the Spanish language. Without children of her own, she turned her love of children into a universal love for all humanity. She became a kind of world mother, singing about children "as no one before her had ever done," said [[Paul Valéry]]. "While so many poets have exalted, celebrated, cursed or invoked death, or built, deepened, divinized the passion of love, few seem to have meditated on that transcendental act par excellence, the production of the living being by the living being. **Angel Flores and Kate Flores, Introduction to ''The Defiant Muse: Hispanic Feminist Poems'' (1986) *I translated Mistral because I discovered that she really has not been brought into English very much, Neruda over and over and over, but not Mistral. I fell in love with her. You have to fall in love, I think, to do a long translation. Yes, and then it's fun. **from ''Conversations with [[Ursula Le Guin]]'' (2007) *Poets—incredible nature poets like [[Mary Oliver]], [[Gabriela Mistral]], or [[Audre Lorde]]—look deeply at the world and make us feel like we are connected. Poetry that addresses the natural world helps us repair that connection. When you are paying attention to something, it’s a way of loving something. How can we continue to hurt something that we love? **[[Ada Limón]] [https://time.com/6219918/ada-limon-new-poet-laureate/ Interview] (2022) *Some of the greatest Latin American poets have been women. Sor [[Juana Inés de la Cruz]], Gabriela Mistral, [[María Sabina]], and [[Violeta Parra]] are among them, but their true place in the history of poetry has yet to be fully acknowledged...At the turn of the century, a legendary group of women poets emerged, including [[Delmira Agustini]], [[Alfonsina Storni]], and Gabriela Mistral. Their work caused scandal and outrage but ultimately opened the way for other women to explore their experience in a woman's voice...Mistral was the paradoxical mestiza, who embodied contradiction. A childless woman who exalted maternity, she simultaneously embraced and scorned her indianidad. Her extraordinary mix of biblical and Amerindian rhythms got her the Nobel Prize in 1945. **[[Cecilia Vicuña]] The Oxford Book of Latin American Poetry (2009) == External links== {{wikipedia}} <!-- OPTIONAL --> * [http://gabrielamistralfoundation.org/ Gabriela Mistral Foundation] * [https://mir-es.com/ne.php?g=mistral Gabriela Mistral Poems] * [http://noblib.internet-box.ch/NLEW.php?authorid=40 List of Works] * [http://www.gabrielamistral.uchile.cl/ Gabriela Mistral – University of Chile] * [http://www.memoriachilena.cl/602/w3-article-3429.html Gabriela Mistral (1889–1957) – Memoria Chilena] * [https://www.loc.gov/item/93842712/ Gabriela Mistral reads eighteen poems from her collected volumes: Ternura, Lagar, and Tala]. Recorded at Library of Congress, [http://www.loc.gov/rr/hispanic/ Hispanic Division] on 12 December 1950. {{Authority control}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Mistral, Gabriela}} [[Category:1889 births]] [[Category:1957 deaths]] [[Category:Nobel laureates in Literature]] [[Category:Women Nobel laureates]] [[Category:Poets from Chile]] [[Category:Barnard College alumni]] [[Category:Columbia University faculty]] caiofrx4rwhey8z6u6lxm3ldjl1yg1i 0 265466 3778712 3456422 2025-07-14T14:02:59Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Comedians]]; added [[Category:Comedians from Nigeria]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778712 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Chigul 2019 (cropped).jpg|thumb|Chigul in 2019]] '''[[w:Chigul| Chioma Omeruah]]''' (born 14 May 1976), better known as Chigul, is a Nigerian comedian, singer and actress who is known for her accents and comedic characters. == Quotes == * It takes a bold, self-confident, love-yourself attitude to get through that, which is what a lot of us are trying to create in ourselves. **[https://www.premiumtimesng.com/entertainment/165963-the-rise-and-rise-of-chigul.html?tztc=1. In an interview with premiumtimes] * You have to stay fresh and roll with the times so that you can remain relevant at all-time. **[https://www.premiumtimesng.com/entertainment/165963-the-rise-and-rise-of-chigul.html?tztc=1. In an interview with premiumtimes] * Lord you must have a plan. I choose to trust you. **[https://thisage.com.ng/as-a-celebrity-i-had-to-smile-through-every-performance-while-i-was-secretly-crying-myself-to-sleep-comedian-singer-and-actress-says-chioma-chigul-omer/. In an interview with Chude] == External links == {{Wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Omeruah, Chioma}} [[Category:1976 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Comedians from Nigeria]] [[Category:Actresses from Nigeria]] mmep1t8xnml5qhch3ghh3cc8tcwborj 0 265473 3778710 3421267 2025-07-14T14:02:43Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Comedians]]; added [[Category:Comedians from Nigeria]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778710 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Lepacious Bose|Bose Ogunboye]]''' (born 17 April 1976) known professionally as '''Lepacious Bose''' is a Nigerian comedienne and Nollywood actress.In 2014, she won the 2014 Golden Icons Academy Movie Awards for Best Comedic Act category award in the movie “Being Mrs Elliot” beating other 6 contestants. == Quotes == * There is no way you will lose weight and not feel more confident. You will definitely feel happier and healthier. You will feel sexier, people will commend you, saying nice things about you. You will definitely feel more confident. All that work together. It is not rocket science, once the weight starts going down you will see reactions from people. The fact that you can work into a shop and see your size there is amazing. You don’t have to buy what you see but what you like, all that come together to build up your confidence. The more confident you feel, the more love you feel towards yourself. **[https://www.bellanaija.com/2016/04/lepacious-boses-inspiration-for-her-weight-loss-is-a-must-read/. An inspiration for her weight loss] * Well, I think loving whom you are on the inside is the most important thing I have learnt. Considering what I have been through these couple of years and the challenges I have faced, I have realised the importance of being beautiful from within. When you are completely happy with yourself, with whom you are regardless of the situation, when you begin to pay attention to the beauty that is inside of you. **[https://www.premiumtimesng.com/news/top-news/246820-interview-i-lost-70-kg-18-months-comedienne-lepacious-bose.html. In an interview with premiumtimes] * To be honest, I cried. Until I realised that people’s opinion should not define me. **[https://www.premiumtimesng.com/news/top-news/246820-interview-i-lost-70-kg-18-months-comedienne-lepacious-bose.html. In an interview with premiumtimes] * The more you say negative things, the more you pull negative things to you. **[https://www.premiumtimesng.com/news/top-news/246820-interview-i-lost-70-kg-18-months-comedienne-lepacious-bose.html. In an interview with premiumtimes] == External links == {{Wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Ogunboye, Bose}} [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:1976 births]] [[Category:Actresses from Nigeria]] [[Category:Comedians from Nigeria]] [[Category: Nigerian women]] lnz6lpqzfvjgpvikaauq5aoue24700x 3778711 3778710 2025-07-14T14:02:46Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Nigerian women]]; added [[Category:Women from Nigeria]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778711 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Lepacious Bose|Bose Ogunboye]]''' (born 17 April 1976) known professionally as '''Lepacious Bose''' is a Nigerian comedienne and Nollywood actress.In 2014, she won the 2014 Golden Icons Academy Movie Awards for Best Comedic Act category award in the movie “Being Mrs Elliot” beating other 6 contestants. == Quotes == * There is no way you will lose weight and not feel more confident. You will definitely feel happier and healthier. You will feel sexier, people will commend you, saying nice things about you. You will definitely feel more confident. All that work together. It is not rocket science, once the weight starts going down you will see reactions from people. The fact that you can work into a shop and see your size there is amazing. You don’t have to buy what you see but what you like, all that come together to build up your confidence. The more confident you feel, the more love you feel towards yourself. **[https://www.bellanaija.com/2016/04/lepacious-boses-inspiration-for-her-weight-loss-is-a-must-read/. An inspiration for her weight loss] * Well, I think loving whom you are on the inside is the most important thing I have learnt. Considering what I have been through these couple of years and the challenges I have faced, I have realised the importance of being beautiful from within. When you are completely happy with yourself, with whom you are regardless of the situation, when you begin to pay attention to the beauty that is inside of you. **[https://www.premiumtimesng.com/news/top-news/246820-interview-i-lost-70-kg-18-months-comedienne-lepacious-bose.html. In an interview with premiumtimes] * To be honest, I cried. Until I realised that people’s opinion should not define me. **[https://www.premiumtimesng.com/news/top-news/246820-interview-i-lost-70-kg-18-months-comedienne-lepacious-bose.html. In an interview with premiumtimes] * The more you say negative things, the more you pull negative things to you. **[https://www.premiumtimesng.com/news/top-news/246820-interview-i-lost-70-kg-18-months-comedienne-lepacious-bose.html. In an interview with premiumtimes] == External links == {{Wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Ogunboye, Bose}} [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:1976 births]] [[Category:Actresses from Nigeria]] [[Category:Comedians from Nigeria]] [[Category:Women from Nigeria]] l4cibf1cmcwrzvmtz6rpxeiqyipwg0w 0 265986 3778525 3737432 2025-07-14T12:36:14Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Architects]]; added [[Category:Architects from Greece]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778525 wikitext text/x-wiki {{unsourced}} {{people-cleanup}} [[File:Doryphoros MAN Napoli Inv6011.jpg|thumb|200px|Polycletus, ''Doryphoros'', Roman copy in the National Archaeological Museum of Naples]] '''Polycletus''' (490 B.C.E. – 420 B.C.E.), ancient Greek sculptor, bronze worker and theorist. ==Quotes about Polykleitos:== *Famous work of a great contemporary master of Phidias, of Argive ''Polycletus'', is the so-called doryphorus, i.e. the statue of a winning athlete holding a spear in his left hand. In this figure the movement of the trunk is shown as it follows from that of the legs: the body gravitates on the right leg and therefore, precisely as anatomy requires, the side of the right side rises, the shoulder descends, and from this general movement results minor shifts in the intermediate parts of the trunk. No one could describe this attitude as awkward; the figure, although firm, moves freely, articulated, lightly. And with this art can boast of an acquired capital. [...] '''[Polycletus]''' was the first to fully satisfy the postulates of anatomical truth. ([[Emanuel Löwy]]) *He was the first to establish single-legged figures<ref>Statues in which, to increase their naturalness, the body gravitates on one leg, while the other is slightly bent.</ref>; he was the first to determine the proportions with a book on symmetry, and with a statue entirely in conformity with his precepts, which he named the Canon or the Regulus. For this work the architects regarded him as a legislator; and therefore it probably follows that the Greek statues, as {{sic|Winkelmann}} reflects, appear to have almost all been created with the same fundamental laws, and emerged, so to speak, from the same school. ([[Luigi Antonio Lanzi]]) *Polycletus is, after [[Phidias]], the most respected name in the history of {{sic|sculpture}}. In the idea of ​​beauty and diligence he is placed before anyone else by Quintilian and Strabo. Measuring his talent with that of [[Phidias]], he did not dare compete with him in the most sublime character: he occupied himself with forming youthful simulacrums. Some among Quintilian believed that under his {{sic|scarpel}} men grew in beauty; but the Gods diminished. ([[Luigi Antonio Lanzi]]) *Polycletus was a sublime poet in his art, and tried to surpass the beauty of nature itself in his figures: therefore his imagination was mainly concerned with youthful forms, so he will undoubtedly be better able to express the softness of a Bacchus, or the flourishing youth of an Apollo, than the robustness of a Hercules, or the mature age of an Aesculapius. For this reason those who wanted to blame him said that they wanted greater expression in his figures, that is, that the parts were more strongly indicated. ([[Johann Joachim Winckelmann]]) ==Works:== *[[Statue of Zeus in Olympia]] ==Related entries:== *[[Parthenon]] ==Other projects:== {{commons|category:Phidias}} {{wikidata|Q177302}} {{wikipedia|Phidias}} [[Category:Architects from Greece]] [[Category:Ancient Greek sculptors]] ==Note:== <references/> ==Other projects:== {{wikidata|Q193422}} {{wikipedia|Polykleitos}} [[Category:Ancient Greek sculptors]] td9s4bps9xvdihq2y0yi4ccw3rclzfi 0 266052 3778524 3737206 2025-07-14T12:36:01Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Architects]]; added [[Category:Architects from Greece]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778524 wikitext text/x-wiki {{unsourced}} {{people-cleanup}} [[File:NAMA Athéna Varvakeion.jpg|thumb|200px|Reconstruction of the ''Athena Parthenos'' of Phidias, Athens, National Archaeological Museum]] '''Phidias''' (c. 490 B.C.E. – 430 B.C.E.), Athenian sculptor and architect. ==Quotes about Phidias:== *What would Phidias have done in a small and obscure state? Without great means, without him having been a protector of artists, he would not have had the opportunity to conceive and create great works. The sublime was born in him from the greatness of the concepts and this greatness was also born from the means and the purpose he had. ([[Ettore De Ruggiero]]) *And even if it were possible to establish models and precedents for all the individual details '''[of the Athena Parthenos]'', there would still be some novelty: in their union, in the profound religious and patriotic conception }} so the artist recast all those elements in an effigy of the goddess never seen before. What if this were his only work; and if Phidias had done nothing other than gather together in a victorious synthesis all the acquisitions of archaism, he would deserve his highest place in the history of art. ([[Emanuel Löwy]]) *The great genius of the Athenian Phidias, who established himself as dominant towards the middle of the '''[5th century B.C.E.]''' century, was able [...] to rise into the Olympic sphere to give an art form to the conception of divinity, interpreting the noblest religious ideal of his time, making men {{sic|gods}} and creating the classical style. ([[Giovanni Becatti]]) *The forms, like those of Phidias, also have their development in the static. [...] No one else, after Phidias, has retained this respectful gravity and this conscious enthusiasm towards life which are true religion. ([[Edgar Faure]]) *There is nothing essential to find in art after Phidias and Raphael, but there is always more to be done, even after them, to maintain the cult of truth and to perpetuate the tradition of beauty. ([[Jean-Auguste-Dominique Ingres]]) * Something in his character must have made him an enemy of men, since no one loved him. Yet he was not only a great sculptor, but also a great master, who, in addition to having created a style, also made it a school, transmitting its rules to students such as Agoracritus and Alcamene, continuers of the "classical". ([[Indro Montanelli]]) *A whole world of {{sic|gods}}, of heroes and men in a cosmic vision of myth and in a divinization of reality had been created '''[in the Parthenon]''' by the creative imagination of this demiurge, master of all techniques, in a form that was the highest and perfect implementation of the classical ideal, working almost animated by a divine enthusiasm. ([[Giovanni Becatti]]) *There are two tendencies '''[in Greek art]''', that of generalizing the individual and this was of [[Myron]] and his school, and the other of individualizing the divinities even more, and this was from Phidias and his school. ([[Ettore De Ruggiero]]) ==Note:== <references/> ==Works:== *[[Statue of Zeus in Olympia]] *[[Athena Promachos]] *[[Lemnian Athena]] *[[Athena Parthenos]] *[[Aphrodite Urania statue at Elis]] *[[Athena statue at Elis]] *[[Statue of youth at Olympia]] ==Bibliography:== *[Homer]], The Iliad with an English Translation by A.T. Murray, Ph.D. in two volumes. Cambridge, Massachusetts, Harvard University Press; London, William Heinemann, Ltd. C.E.1924. Online version at the Perseus Digital Library. *Lapatin, Kenneth D. S., Chryselephantine Statuary in the Ancient Mediterranean World, Oxford University Press (C.E.2001) ISBN 0-19-815311-2 *[[Macrobius]], Saturnalia, Volume II: Books 3-5, edited and translated by Robert A. Kaster, Loeb Classical Library No. 511, Cambridge, Massachusetts, Harvard University Press, C.E.2011. ISBN 978-0-674-99649-6. Online version at Harvard University Press. *[[Alfred Mallwitz|Mallwitz, Alfred]] and Wolfgang Schiering, Die Werkstatt des Pheidias in Olympia I: Olympische Forschungen V, Berlin: Walter de Gruyter (C.E.1964) *McWilliam, Janette; Puttock, Sonia; Stevenson, Tom, eds. (C.E.2011). The Statue of Zeus at Olympia: New Approaches. Cambridge Scholars Publishing. ISBN 978-1-4438-3032-4. *Schiering, Wolfgang, Die Werkstatt des Pheidias in Olympia II: Werkstattfunde: Olympische Forschungen XVIII, Berlin: Walter de Gruyter (C.E.1991) ISBN 3-11-012468-8 *[[Strabo]], Geography, translated by Horace Leonard Jones; Cambridge, Massachusetts: Harvard University Press; London: William Heinemann, Ltd. (C.E.1924). LacusCurtis, Online version at the Perseus Digital Library, Books 6–14. ==Related entries:== *[[Parthenon]] ==Other projects:== {{commons|category:Phidias}} {{wikidata|Q177302}} {{wikipedia|Phidias}} [[Category:Architects from Greece]] [[Category:Ancient Greek sculptors]] 3v5oaiz6hg4qsgji4l1sygsguoagxt3 0 267185 3778539 3709372 2025-07-14T12:41:42Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Architects]]; added [[Category:Architects from Ghana]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778539 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:GIZELLA AKUSHIKA TETTEH-AGBOTUI.jpg|thumb|GIZELLA AKUSHIKA TETTEH-AGBOTUI]] '''[[w:Gizella Tetteh-Agbotui|Gizella Akushika Tetteh-Agbotui]]''' is a Ghanaian architect and politician. She contested in the 2020 Ghanaian General Election and won the parliamentary seat for the Awutu Senya West Constituency. {{political-stub}} == Quotes == * It is sad the state of a health facility that the lives of about 30,000 depend on. The government must fix this. ** https://www.modernghana.com/news/1114170/re-bawjiase-polyclinic-needs-fixing-gizella.html * I consider this subsidy support to be scholarship for them. I am of a humble view that if i have supported students pursuing formal education with scholarships to study with peace of mind, drivers who operate informal business must equally be supported to acquire their license. ** https://www.myjoyonline.com/over-200-drivers-riders-acquire-licenses-through-gizella-tetteh-agbotuis-subsidised-programme/ * As I turn things around, I want you also to do the same in your home, workplace or wherever you have influence for the better. You don't need political power to do these things . ** https://www.ghanaweb.com/GhanaHomePage/NewsArchive/God-says-you-ll-be-MP-until-you-decide-otherwise-Nigel-Gaisie-to-NDC-s-Gizella-Tetteh-1396972 * I am bringing it back to the whole governance issue, we have to sit down and state it clearly for everybody to know what they are entitled to and what they are not entitled to .To be fair, they are entitled to something, the quantum is another matter, especially in this time of hardship and so if Ghanaians are angry and upset about this naturally so because this is huge . ** https://www.ghanaweb.com/GhanaHomePage/NewsArchive/We-have-to-open-the-pandora-s-box-about-the-First-Lady-s-NGO-Gizella-Tetteh-1308979 == External links == {{Wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Tetteh-Agbotui, Gizella}} [[Category:Politicians from Ghana]] [[Category:Architects from Ghana]] [[Category:Women from Ghana]] [[Category:Women politicians]] [[Category:Living people]] 48wu41bmnxyptjrekyyi86j3w01w0fa 14 267580 3778588 3434661 2025-07-14T12:49:05Z UDScott 4304 Moving from [[Category:Activists]] to [[Category:Activists by issue]] using [[c:Help:Cat-a-lot|Cat-a-lot]] 3778588 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Gender equality]] [[Category:Activists by issue]] ozsnfkczck6gv3hv2jy2o0x6u5txkg2 0 267644 3778486 3549422 2025-07-14T12:21:45Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Architects]]; added [[Category:Architects from Ghana]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778486 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Lesley Lokko.jpg|thumb|Lesley Lokko in 2010]] '''[[w:Lesley Lokko|Lesley Naa Norle Lokko]]''' [[w:Order of the British Empire |OBE]] (1964 in Dundee, Scotland) is a Ghanaian-Scottish architect, academic, and novelist. == Quotes == *I think all cultural output is a form of narrative. Somebody once said that culture is the sum total of stories we tell ourselves about ourselves. So, there's a very deep need to say something, to impart something. In these questions of colony, identity, territory, and history, there is a sense amongst many black practitioners that we've never had the space to tell our own stories, and part of the act of recuperating what has been lost is the desire to speak. In some senses, the Biennale has been a healing experience, a kind of closing over of a wound, of a void. **Maria-Cristina Florian, [https://www.archdaily.com/1001394/the-venice-architecture-biennale-as-a-healing-experience-in-conversation-with-curator-lesley-lokko The 2023 Venice Architecture Biennale as a Healing Experience: In Conversation with Curator Lesley Lokko], ''Arch Daily'', May 23, 2023. *I don't expect this exhibition to teach anybody anything, I don't think it's a didactic exhibition. That's not to say that people won't learn something from it. But I don't want any of the participants to be the ones dictating what the lesson is. It should be read from it. What they have done is put out an authentic, genuine, sometimes vulnerable story. What happens to that story is somehow beyond their control. What I hope that the audience takes from it is a kind of openness where previously, there might have been a closeness, or an unwillingness to engage with the other, not on our terms, but on their terms. **Maria-Cristina Florian, [https://www.archdaily.com/1001394/the-venice-architecture-biennale-as-a-healing-experience-in-conversation-with-curator-lesley-lokko The 2023 Venice Architecture Biennale as a Healing Experience: In Conversation with Curator Lesley Lokko], ''Arch Daily'', May 23, 2023. *It is an opportunity to talk to the rest of the world about Africa, and also to talk to Africa from here (Venice). The ability to be several things at once — traditional and modern, African and global, colonized and independent — is a strong thread running through the continent and the Diaspora. We’re used to having to think about resources, about switching on a light with no guarantee of electricity. We’re able to grapple with change. That capacity to overcome, to negotiate, to navigate ones’ surroundings is going to take center stage. **Patricia Leigh Brown, [https://www.nytimes.com/2023/05/09/arts/design/venice-architecture-biennale-lesley-lokko.html Setting the Stage for Africa at the Venice Architecture Biennale], ''The New York Times'', May 14, 2023. *When you are African, you speak to a world that has an existing view of who and what you are. You walk with this kind of label. So for me, the Biennale was an opportunity to both talk about the label, to confront it in a way, but to also show underneath how similar we are. **Patricia Leigh Brown, [https://www.nytimes.com/2023/05/09/arts/design/venice-architecture-biennale-lesley-lokko.html Setting the Stage for Africa at the Venice Architecture Biennale], ''The New York Times'', May 14, 2023. *I’ve always thought of ‘race’ as a powerfully creative category of exploration and expression. I was fed up trying to find a way to talk about identity, race and Africa in architecture that wasn’t only about poverty and ‘informality,’ a word I loathe. **Patricia Leigh Brown, [https://www.nytimes.com/2023/05/09/arts/design/venice-architecture-biennale-lesley-lokko.html Setting the Stage for Africa at the Venice Architecture Biennale], ''The New York Times'', May 14, 2023. *There’s something about the training of an architect that’s particularly suited to our time: it’s about bringing disparate pieces of information together in a framework. Architecture is about more than building buildings. **Debika Ray, [https://www.ft.com/content/b5aeb219-0ad6-40b4-a690-a60012eaf343 Curator Lesley Lokko on the Venice Architecture Biennale: ‘It’s about a world that’s yet to come’], ''Financial Times'', May 18, 2023. *Architects have the power to change the culture of how we build and how we think about resources. **Debika Ray, [https://www.ft.com/content/b5aeb219-0ad6-40b4-a690-a60012eaf343 Curator Lesley Lokko on the Venice Architecture Biennale: ‘It’s about a world that’s yet to come’], ''Financial Times'', May 18, 2023. *No job is worth one’s life. **Debika Ray, [https://www.ft.com/content/b5aeb219-0ad6-40b4-a690-a60012eaf343 Curator Lesley Lokko on the Venice Architecture Biennale: ‘It’s about a world that’s yet to come’], ''Financial Times'', May 18, 2023. *Succession is something you make, by constructing opportunities. **Debika Ray, [https://www.ft.com/content/b5aeb219-0ad6-40b4-a690-a60012eaf343 Curator Lesley Lokko on the Venice Architecture Biennale: ‘It’s about a world that’s yet to come’], ''Financial Times'', May 18, 2023. *Africa's unique context, which is both richly challenging and richly creative, means it's a powerful place from which to examine the issues that will dominate the next century – climate change, societal change, demographic change, new forms of governance, explosive urbanity. **Lizzie Crook, [https://www.dezeen.com/2023/05/17/venice-curator-lesley-lokko-interview/ Africa a "powerful place from which to examine the issues that will dominate the next century" says Venice curator Lesley Lokko], ''Dezeen'', May 17, 2023. *All futures are uncertain. We do our best to anticipate the future. **Lizzie Crook, [https://www.dezeen.com/2023/05/17/venice-curator-lesley-lokko-interview/ Africa a "powerful place from which to examine the issues that will dominate the next century" says Venice curator Lesley Lokko], ''Dezeen'', May 17, 2023. *The dominant voice has historically been a singular, exclusive voice, whose reach and power ignores huge swathes of humanity — financially, creatively, conceptually — as though we have been listening and speaking in one tongue only. **Nadia Neophytou, [https://www.okayafrica.com/venice-biennale-africa-2023/ Lesley Lokko Speaks About a More African Architecture Biennale], ''okayafrica'', 6 April 2023. *Change is the one thing that everybody hollers for and longs for, but when it actually arrives, most people don't want it. It's a complex thing. **Nadia Neophytou, [https://www.okayafrica.com/venice-biennale-africa-2023/ Lesley Lokko Speaks About a More African Architecture Biennale], ''okayafrica'', 6 April 2023. === Sundowner === * You have to find yourself. When you meet him again, you have to know who you are. He's finding out who he is. **[https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/206071.Lesley_Lokko#:~:text=Nobody%20told%20me%20love%20was,deep%20heat%20of%20the%20sun.&text=It%20wasn't%20sealed%20%2D%20she%20opened%20the%20flap.] * The glow of delicioous tension coudn't be faked, not at any price. So when you leave, that's when you realise you've been living in a lie. ** [https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/206071.Lesley_Lokko#:~:text=Nobody%20told%20me%20love%20was,deep%20heat%20of%20the%20sun.&text=It%20wasn't%20sealed%20%2D%20she%20opened%20the%20flap.] * How could you teach someone to survive? You pointed them in the right direction and hoped they'd swim, not sink. Waving, not drowning. There are more important things in life than individual happiness. It was an easy trap to fall into, mistaking a lack of self-direction for an expression of love. ** [https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/206071.Lesley_Lokko#:~:text=Nobody%20told%20me%20love%20was,deep%20heat%20of%20the%20sun.&text=It%20wasn't%20sealed%20%2D%20she%20opened%20the%20flap.] === Bitter Chocolate === * She would love it. Just as he loved her. He paused for a second, his fingers touching the door handle. He was in love. The realisation came to him quite suddenly. ** [https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/206071.Lesley_Lokko#:~:text=Nobody%20told%20me%20love%20was,deep%20heat%20of%20the%20sun.&text=It%20wasn't%20sealed%20%2D%20she%20opened%20the%20flap.] * Guilt, Ameline discovered, was a terrible, unruly think, like toothache - dull nagging, persistent, never far from attention. Just when you got used to its rumbling, ruminating presence, it would lash out, stike you down, stio you dead in your tracks. The worst thing was, it was entirely unpredictable. ** [https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/206071.Lesley_Lokko#:~:text=Nobody%20told%20me%20love%20was,deep%20heat%20of%20the%20sun.&text=It%20wasn't%20sealed%20%2D%20she%20opened%20the%20flap.] * It wasn't sealed - she opened the flap. Inside was a cheque for a thousand dollars. Made out to her. From Daniel. It was a colossal slap in the face. ** [https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/206071.Lesley_Lokko#:~:text=Nobody%20told%20me%20love%20was,deep%20heat%20of%20the%20sun.&text=It%20wasn't%20sealed%20%2D%20she%20opened%20the%20flap.] == Quotes about Lesley Lokko == *She (Lesley) is using the Biennale as a platform to extend the work she has been doing for decades. Lesley is able to set the stage for others and expose the network that for some of us has always been there. ** Toni L. Griffin as quoted in [https://www.nytimes.com/2023/05/09/arts/design/venice-architecture-biennale-lesley-lokko.html Setting the Stage for Africa at the Venice Architecture Biennale], ''The New York Times'', May 14, 2023. == External links == {{wikipedia}} [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:1964 births]] [[Category:Women from Ghana]] [[Category:Architects from Ghana]] [[Category:Women born in the 1960s]] [[Category:Novelists from Ghana]] [[Category:Academics]] ibyjov3d9yuaz77htm8s4lcny43i321 3778487 3778486 2025-07-14T12:21:54Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Academics]]; added [[Category:Academics from Ghana]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778487 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Lesley Lokko.jpg|thumb|Lesley Lokko in 2010]] '''[[w:Lesley Lokko|Lesley Naa Norle Lokko]]''' [[w:Order of the British Empire |OBE]] (1964 in Dundee, Scotland) is a Ghanaian-Scottish architect, academic, and novelist. == Quotes == *I think all cultural output is a form of narrative. Somebody once said that culture is the sum total of stories we tell ourselves about ourselves. So, there's a very deep need to say something, to impart something. In these questions of colony, identity, territory, and history, there is a sense amongst many black practitioners that we've never had the space to tell our own stories, and part of the act of recuperating what has been lost is the desire to speak. In some senses, the Biennale has been a healing experience, a kind of closing over of a wound, of a void. **Maria-Cristina Florian, [https://www.archdaily.com/1001394/the-venice-architecture-biennale-as-a-healing-experience-in-conversation-with-curator-lesley-lokko The 2023 Venice Architecture Biennale as a Healing Experience: In Conversation with Curator Lesley Lokko], ''Arch Daily'', May 23, 2023. *I don't expect this exhibition to teach anybody anything, I don't think it's a didactic exhibition. That's not to say that people won't learn something from it. But I don't want any of the participants to be the ones dictating what the lesson is. It should be read from it. What they have done is put out an authentic, genuine, sometimes vulnerable story. What happens to that story is somehow beyond their control. What I hope that the audience takes from it is a kind of openness where previously, there might have been a closeness, or an unwillingness to engage with the other, not on our terms, but on their terms. **Maria-Cristina Florian, [https://www.archdaily.com/1001394/the-venice-architecture-biennale-as-a-healing-experience-in-conversation-with-curator-lesley-lokko The 2023 Venice Architecture Biennale as a Healing Experience: In Conversation with Curator Lesley Lokko], ''Arch Daily'', May 23, 2023. *It is an opportunity to talk to the rest of the world about Africa, and also to talk to Africa from here (Venice). The ability to be several things at once — traditional and modern, African and global, colonized and independent — is a strong thread running through the continent and the Diaspora. We’re used to having to think about resources, about switching on a light with no guarantee of electricity. We’re able to grapple with change. That capacity to overcome, to negotiate, to navigate ones’ surroundings is going to take center stage. **Patricia Leigh Brown, [https://www.nytimes.com/2023/05/09/arts/design/venice-architecture-biennale-lesley-lokko.html Setting the Stage for Africa at the Venice Architecture Biennale], ''The New York Times'', May 14, 2023. *When you are African, you speak to a world that has an existing view of who and what you are. You walk with this kind of label. So for me, the Biennale was an opportunity to both talk about the label, to confront it in a way, but to also show underneath how similar we are. **Patricia Leigh Brown, [https://www.nytimes.com/2023/05/09/arts/design/venice-architecture-biennale-lesley-lokko.html Setting the Stage for Africa at the Venice Architecture Biennale], ''The New York Times'', May 14, 2023. *I’ve always thought of ‘race’ as a powerfully creative category of exploration and expression. I was fed up trying to find a way to talk about identity, race and Africa in architecture that wasn’t only about poverty and ‘informality,’ a word I loathe. **Patricia Leigh Brown, [https://www.nytimes.com/2023/05/09/arts/design/venice-architecture-biennale-lesley-lokko.html Setting the Stage for Africa at the Venice Architecture Biennale], ''The New York Times'', May 14, 2023. *There’s something about the training of an architect that’s particularly suited to our time: it’s about bringing disparate pieces of information together in a framework. Architecture is about more than building buildings. **Debika Ray, [https://www.ft.com/content/b5aeb219-0ad6-40b4-a690-a60012eaf343 Curator Lesley Lokko on the Venice Architecture Biennale: ‘It’s about a world that’s yet to come’], ''Financial Times'', May 18, 2023. *Architects have the power to change the culture of how we build and how we think about resources. **Debika Ray, [https://www.ft.com/content/b5aeb219-0ad6-40b4-a690-a60012eaf343 Curator Lesley Lokko on the Venice Architecture Biennale: ‘It’s about a world that’s yet to come’], ''Financial Times'', May 18, 2023. *No job is worth one’s life. **Debika Ray, [https://www.ft.com/content/b5aeb219-0ad6-40b4-a690-a60012eaf343 Curator Lesley Lokko on the Venice Architecture Biennale: ‘It’s about a world that’s yet to come’], ''Financial Times'', May 18, 2023. *Succession is something you make, by constructing opportunities. **Debika Ray, [https://www.ft.com/content/b5aeb219-0ad6-40b4-a690-a60012eaf343 Curator Lesley Lokko on the Venice Architecture Biennale: ‘It’s about a world that’s yet to come’], ''Financial Times'', May 18, 2023. *Africa's unique context, which is both richly challenging and richly creative, means it's a powerful place from which to examine the issues that will dominate the next century – climate change, societal change, demographic change, new forms of governance, explosive urbanity. **Lizzie Crook, [https://www.dezeen.com/2023/05/17/venice-curator-lesley-lokko-interview/ Africa a "powerful place from which to examine the issues that will dominate the next century" says Venice curator Lesley Lokko], ''Dezeen'', May 17, 2023. *All futures are uncertain. We do our best to anticipate the future. **Lizzie Crook, [https://www.dezeen.com/2023/05/17/venice-curator-lesley-lokko-interview/ Africa a "powerful place from which to examine the issues that will dominate the next century" says Venice curator Lesley Lokko], ''Dezeen'', May 17, 2023. *The dominant voice has historically been a singular, exclusive voice, whose reach and power ignores huge swathes of humanity — financially, creatively, conceptually — as though we have been listening and speaking in one tongue only. **Nadia Neophytou, [https://www.okayafrica.com/venice-biennale-africa-2023/ Lesley Lokko Speaks About a More African Architecture Biennale], ''okayafrica'', 6 April 2023. *Change is the one thing that everybody hollers for and longs for, but when it actually arrives, most people don't want it. It's a complex thing. **Nadia Neophytou, [https://www.okayafrica.com/venice-biennale-africa-2023/ Lesley Lokko Speaks About a More African Architecture Biennale], ''okayafrica'', 6 April 2023. === Sundowner === * You have to find yourself. When you meet him again, you have to know who you are. He's finding out who he is. **[https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/206071.Lesley_Lokko#:~:text=Nobody%20told%20me%20love%20was,deep%20heat%20of%20the%20sun.&text=It%20wasn't%20sealed%20%2D%20she%20opened%20the%20flap.] * The glow of delicioous tension coudn't be faked, not at any price. So when you leave, that's when you realise you've been living in a lie. ** [https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/206071.Lesley_Lokko#:~:text=Nobody%20told%20me%20love%20was,deep%20heat%20of%20the%20sun.&text=It%20wasn't%20sealed%20%2D%20she%20opened%20the%20flap.] * How could you teach someone to survive? You pointed them in the right direction and hoped they'd swim, not sink. Waving, not drowning. There are more important things in life than individual happiness. It was an easy trap to fall into, mistaking a lack of self-direction for an expression of love. ** [https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/206071.Lesley_Lokko#:~:text=Nobody%20told%20me%20love%20was,deep%20heat%20of%20the%20sun.&text=It%20wasn't%20sealed%20%2D%20she%20opened%20the%20flap.] === Bitter Chocolate === * She would love it. Just as he loved her. He paused for a second, his fingers touching the door handle. He was in love. The realisation came to him quite suddenly. ** [https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/206071.Lesley_Lokko#:~:text=Nobody%20told%20me%20love%20was,deep%20heat%20of%20the%20sun.&text=It%20wasn't%20sealed%20%2D%20she%20opened%20the%20flap.] * Guilt, Ameline discovered, was a terrible, unruly think, like toothache - dull nagging, persistent, never far from attention. Just when you got used to its rumbling, ruminating presence, it would lash out, stike you down, stio you dead in your tracks. The worst thing was, it was entirely unpredictable. ** [https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/206071.Lesley_Lokko#:~:text=Nobody%20told%20me%20love%20was,deep%20heat%20of%20the%20sun.&text=It%20wasn't%20sealed%20%2D%20she%20opened%20the%20flap.] * It wasn't sealed - she opened the flap. Inside was a cheque for a thousand dollars. Made out to her. From Daniel. It was a colossal slap in the face. ** [https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/206071.Lesley_Lokko#:~:text=Nobody%20told%20me%20love%20was,deep%20heat%20of%20the%20sun.&text=It%20wasn't%20sealed%20%2D%20she%20opened%20the%20flap.] == Quotes about Lesley Lokko == *She (Lesley) is using the Biennale as a platform to extend the work she has been doing for decades. Lesley is able to set the stage for others and expose the network that for some of us has always been there. ** Toni L. Griffin as quoted in [https://www.nytimes.com/2023/05/09/arts/design/venice-architecture-biennale-lesley-lokko.html Setting the Stage for Africa at the Venice Architecture Biennale], ''The New York Times'', May 14, 2023. == External links == {{wikipedia}} [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:1964 births]] [[Category:Women from Ghana]] [[Category:Architects from Ghana]] [[Category:Women born in the 1960s]] [[Category:Novelists from Ghana]] [[Category:Academics from Ghana]] 6ndw3n2kz0f6b9ap1in9wb25tahic02 0 267821 3778552 3631738 2025-07-14T12:44:46Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Architects]]; added [[Category:Architects from Thailand]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778552 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Kotchakorn_Voraakhom.jpg|thumb|Kotchakorn Voraakhom in 2018]] '''[[w:Kotchakorn Voraakhom|Kotchakorn Voraakhom]]''' (Thai: กชกร วรอาคม, born 1978) is a [[Thailand]] [[w:landscape architect|landscape architect]] and chief executive officer of Porous City Network, a social enterprise that looks to increase [[w:urban resilience|urban resilience]] in Southeast [[Asia]]. She is also the founder of the Koungkuey Design Initiative, which works with communities to rebuild public spaces. She campaigns for more green space in cities and is a 2018 TED fellow. == Quotes == * I still remember sneaking into the canals as a child and seeing the greenery along them. Already there was less and less nature around them, but it was such a healing moment for me. My house was a rowhouse along the main road. We had no backyard, just the street. The only walks you could do were very hot, very dangerous and very polluted. ** [https://www.nytimes.com/2022/03/07/world/kotchakorn-voraakhom-architect-climate-change.html An Architect Who Mixes Water and Nature to Build Resilience] ''The New York Times'' (March 7, 2022) * My identity is confusing. In Thai culture I’m a little bit American, and in American culture I’m very Thai. I don’t want gender to be another burden. ** [https://www.nytimes.com/2022/03/07/world/kotchakorn-voraakhom-architect-climate-change.html An Architect Who Mixes Water and Nature to Build Resilience] ''The New York Times'' (March 7, 2022) === "The architect helping sinking cities fight flooding" (2022) === :<small>[https://edition.cnn.com/style/article/kotchakorn-voraakhom-landscape-architect-spc-intl/index.html "The architect helping sinking cities fight flooding"], ''CNN Style'' (October 28, 2022)</small> * The floods changed my life. * For us, climate change is primarily a water crisis,” she said. “Our people can feel its impacts in their daily lives, each year through worsening floods, rising sea levels, and severe drought. * In many sinking cities, including Bangkok, the current urban infrastructure is not fit for purpose and is “reducing our ability to adapt (to climate change),” noting that many of Bangkok’s waterways and canals have been destroyed or have fallen into disrepair. “We need to fix them and rethink the way we develop (cities). * For us, as a city of water, the only way is to go back to our amphibious culture and reclaim the relationship with water. * To date, Thailand has tried to tackle its flooding problem by building “higher and higher dams,” she said, arguing that this is the wrong approach and a solution “based on fear.” * The central question sinking cities like Bangkok need to focus on is: “how are we going to live with the water, without fear?” said Voraakhom. This idea of “living with the water” lies at the heart of her design approach. * The most important thing is to (follow) the wisdom of people from the past who used to live with water. * Being resilient is the ability to thrive and to survive,” Voraakhom said. “We have that ability as human beings, but our urban infrastructure does not have it and doesn’t allow us to have it. * Green, climate resilient areas are a “good long-term investment” for cities, she said, and “the best solution for the next generation. == External links == {{Wikipedia}} {{Wikidata|Q59160125}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Voraakhom, Kotchakorn}} [[Category:Climate change activists]] [[Category:Women activists]] [[Category:Women authors]] [[Category:Environmentalists from Thailand]] [[Category:Architects from Thailand]] [[Category:Chief executive officers]] [[Category:1978 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Women born in the 1970s]] stu1c8ljsrbsaxqsx4zalbx0x9gd7f4 3778553 3778552 2025-07-14T12:44:58Z UDScott 4304 added [[Category:Women from Thailand]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778553 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Kotchakorn_Voraakhom.jpg|thumb|Kotchakorn Voraakhom in 2018]] '''[[w:Kotchakorn Voraakhom|Kotchakorn Voraakhom]]''' (Thai: กชกร วรอาคม, born 1978) is a [[Thailand]] [[w:landscape architect|landscape architect]] and chief executive officer of Porous City Network, a social enterprise that looks to increase [[w:urban resilience|urban resilience]] in Southeast [[Asia]]. She is also the founder of the Koungkuey Design Initiative, which works with communities to rebuild public spaces. She campaigns for more green space in cities and is a 2018 TED fellow. == Quotes == * I still remember sneaking into the canals as a child and seeing the greenery along them. Already there was less and less nature around them, but it was such a healing moment for me. My house was a rowhouse along the main road. We had no backyard, just the street. The only walks you could do were very hot, very dangerous and very polluted. ** [https://www.nytimes.com/2022/03/07/world/kotchakorn-voraakhom-architect-climate-change.html An Architect Who Mixes Water and Nature to Build Resilience] ''The New York Times'' (March 7, 2022) * My identity is confusing. In Thai culture I’m a little bit American, and in American culture I’m very Thai. I don’t want gender to be another burden. ** [https://www.nytimes.com/2022/03/07/world/kotchakorn-voraakhom-architect-climate-change.html An Architect Who Mixes Water and Nature to Build Resilience] ''The New York Times'' (March 7, 2022) === "The architect helping sinking cities fight flooding" (2022) === :<small>[https://edition.cnn.com/style/article/kotchakorn-voraakhom-landscape-architect-spc-intl/index.html "The architect helping sinking cities fight flooding"], ''CNN Style'' (October 28, 2022)</small> * The floods changed my life. * For us, climate change is primarily a water crisis,” she said. “Our people can feel its impacts in their daily lives, each year through worsening floods, rising sea levels, and severe drought. * In many sinking cities, including Bangkok, the current urban infrastructure is not fit for purpose and is “reducing our ability to adapt (to climate change),” noting that many of Bangkok’s waterways and canals have been destroyed or have fallen into disrepair. “We need to fix them and rethink the way we develop (cities). * For us, as a city of water, the only way is to go back to our amphibious culture and reclaim the relationship with water. * To date, Thailand has tried to tackle its flooding problem by building “higher and higher dams,” she said, arguing that this is the wrong approach and a solution “based on fear.” * The central question sinking cities like Bangkok need to focus on is: “how are we going to live with the water, without fear?” said Voraakhom. This idea of “living with the water” lies at the heart of her design approach. * The most important thing is to (follow) the wisdom of people from the past who used to live with water. * Being resilient is the ability to thrive and to survive,” Voraakhom said. “We have that ability as human beings, but our urban infrastructure does not have it and doesn’t allow us to have it. * Green, climate resilient areas are a “good long-term investment” for cities, she said, and “the best solution for the next generation. == External links == {{Wikipedia}} {{Wikidata|Q59160125}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Voraakhom, Kotchakorn}} [[Category:Climate change activists]] [[Category:Women activists]] [[Category:Women authors]] [[Category:Environmentalists from Thailand]] [[Category:Architects from Thailand]] [[Category:Chief executive officers]] [[Category:1978 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Women born in the 1970s]] [[Category:Women from Thailand]] 7h2uk6q3r2r30f1za7ix6pgn2f83wqg 10 268634 3778876 3772545 2025-07-14T21:19:44Z 2600:1005:B001:4C74:0:7:7AD9:3001 3778876 wikitext text/x-wiki ---- ''[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]'': '''Seasons:''' [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 1|1]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 2|2]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 3|3]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 4|4]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 5|5]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 6|6]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 7|7]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 8|8]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 9|9]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 10|10]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 11|11]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 12|12]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 13|13]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 14|14]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 15|15]] [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 16|16]] | '''Movies''': ''[[The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie]]'' / ''[[The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water|Sponge Out of Water]]'' / ''[[The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge on the Run|Sponge on the Run]]'' / ''[[Saving Bikini Bottom: The Sandy Cheeks Movie]]'' / ''[[Plankton: The Movie]]'' | '''Spin-offs:''' ''[[Kamp Koral: SpongeBob's Under Years|Kamp Koral]]'' ([[Kamp Koral: SpongeBob's Under Years/Season 1|{{abbr|s1|season 1}}]], [[Kamp Koral: SpongeBob's Under Years/Season 2|{{abbr|s2|season 2}}]]) / ''[[The Patrick Star Show]]'' ([[The Patrick Star Show/Season 1|{{abbr|s1|season 1}}]], [[The Patrick Star Show/Season 2|{{abbr|s2|season 2}}]], [[The Patrick Star Show/Season 3|{{abbr|s3|season 3}}]], [[The Patrick Star Show/Season 4|{{abbr|s4|season 4}}]]) | '''Specials''': ''[[SpongeBob's Big Birthday Blowout]]'', ''[[SpongeBob SquarePants Presents The Tidal Zone|The Tidal Zone]]'', ''[[Kreepaway Kamp]]'', ''[[Snow Yellow]]'', ''[[Sandy's Country Christmas]]'', ''[[SpongeBob and Patrick's Timeline Twist-Up]]'' ----<noinclude>[[Category:Navigational templates]]</noinclude> oh7n0h6wku4y1soo1psng2f9dyuislo 0 268914 3778763 3451202 2025-07-14T17:42:09Z CommonsDelinker 13873 Removing "Pot_marigold.jpg", it has been deleted from Commons by [[c:User:A.Savin|A.Savin]] because: faked license and/or description -- per [[:c:Commons:Deletion requests/Files on User:GPSLeo/temp|]]. 3778763 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:R10 kamera049be22.jpg|thumb|right|The marigold abroad her leaves doth spread, / Because the sun's and her power is the same.]] [[File:UIUC Arboretum 20070922 img 1764.jpg|thumb|right|Open afresh your round of starry folds, / Ye ardent marigolds!<br>Dry up the moisture from your golden lips.]] [[File:Calendula officinalis - Köhler–s Medizinal-Pflanzen-024.jpg|thumb|The seeds of Calendula, Marygold, bend up like a hairy caterpillar, with their prickles bridling outwards, and may thus deter some birds or insects from preying upon them. ~ [[Erasmus Darwin]]]] '''[[w:Marigolds|Marigolds]]''' are some 50 species of annual or perennial, mostly herbaceous, [[flower]]ing plants of the genus '''''Tagetes''''' in the family Asteraceae. The genus ''Tagetes'' was described by Carl Linnaeus in 1753. The common name in English, marigold, is derived from ''[[Mary, mother of Jesus|Mary]]'s gold'', a name first applied to a similar plant native to Europe, [[w:Calendula officinalis|''Calendula officinalis'']], of the genus [[w:Calendula|'''''Calendula''''']]. == Quotes == * Her [[eyes]], like marigolds, had sheath’d their light,<br>And canopied in darkness sweetly lay,<br>Till they might open to adorn the day. ** [[William Shakespeare]], ''The Rape of Lucrece'' (1594) * And winking Mary-buds begin<br>To ope their golden eyes. ** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Cymbeline]]'' (1611), Act II, scene 3. Song, line 25. * Here's flowers for you:<br>Hot lavender, mints, savory, marjoram:<br>The marigold, that goes to bed wi' the sun,<br>And with him rises weeping. ** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[The Winter's Tale]]'' ([[w:The Winter's Tale#Date and text|c. 1610-11]]), Act IV, scene 4, line 103. * Mary-golds, on death beds blowing, ** [[William Shakespeare]], ''The Two Noble Kinsmen'' (1634), Act I, scene 1. * [T]he Bay, the Marigold’s darling, ** Sir John Davies, ''Orchestra'' (1596, 1622) * The Sun doth make the marigold to flourish,<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;The Sun’s departure makes it droop again;<br>So golden Mary’s sight my joys do nourish,<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;But by their absence all my joys are slain.<br>The Sun the marigold makes live and die,<br>By her the Sun shines brighter, so may I.<br>Her smiles do grace the Sun, and light the air,<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;Revive my heart, and clear the cloudy sky;<br>Her frowns the air make dark, the sun to lower,<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;The marigold to close, my heart to die.<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;By her the sun, the flower, the air, and I,<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;Shine and darken, spread, and close, live and die.<br>You are the Sun, you are the golden Mary,<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;Passing the sun in brightness, gold in power:<br>I am the flower whom you do make to vary;<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;Flourish when you smile, droop when you do lower.<br>Oh let this heart of gold, sun, and flower,<br>Still live, shine, and spring in your heart’s bower. ** Charles Best, "A Jewel being a Sun shining upon the Marigold, closed in a Heart of Gold, sent to his Mistress, named Mary", [[w:Francis Davison (poet)|Davison]]’s ''Poetical Rhapsody'' (1602) ** their absence = her absence (3rd and 4th eds.); grace the sun = glad the sun (3rd and 4th eds.) * Let who will praise and behold<br>The reservèd Marigold; ** [[George Wither]], "The Choice"; Flos Florum" * &nbsp;&nbsp;So shuts the marigold her leaves<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;At the departure of the sun; ** William Browne of Tavistock, "Celadyne’s Song", ''Britannia's Pastorals'', Book III * The Marigold observes the Sun<br>More than my subjects me have done. ** King [[Charles I of England|Charles I]], to Robert Turner, on the Isle of Wight; quoted by Buckner Hollingsworth, [https://archive.org/details/flowerchronicles0000unse_m5i6/page/248/mode/2up ''Flower Chronicles''] (1958), pp. 247–248 * This Mary-gold here doth shew<br>Mary worth gold lies here below;<br>Cut down by death, ye fair'st gilt flour<br>Flourish and fade doth in an hour.<br>The Mary-gold in sunshine spread<br>When cloudie clos'd doth bow the head,<br>This orient plant retains its guise<br>With splendid Sol to set and rise—<br>Ev'n so this Virgin Mary Rose,<br>In life soon nipt, in death fresh grows. ** Inscription on a small tomb in a Devonshire church (1648), quoted by Hollingsworth * What flower is that which bears the Virgin's name,<br>The richest metal joinèd to the same. ** [[John Gay]], quoted by Hollingsworth * Good is ye leaf, so is ye sed,<br>To gryndyn and drynky at gret ned,<br>It wyll be dronky wt whey or wt ale<br>Or wt good reed wyn yat be stale;<br>Alle manner veny will it abate<br>In manys body early and late. ** ''Macer's Herbal'' (Stockholm, Royal Library, MS.), quoted by Hollingsworth * The seeds of Calendula, Marygold, bend up like a hairy caterpillar, with their prickles bridling outwards, and may thus deter some birds or insects from preying upon them. ** [[Erasmus Darwin]], "The Loves of the Plants", IV, ''The Botanic Garden'' (London: J. Johnson, 1791) * Our hair with marygolds was wound, ** William Bell Scott, "The Witch’s Ballad" (1875) * The marigold was burning in the marsh<br>Like a thing dipt in sunset, ... ** Alexander Smith, "Scorned" * &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;[[Delight|[D]elight]]<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;That is as wide-eyed as a marigold. ** Lord Alfred Bruce Douglas, ''Impression de Nuit''—"The Green River" * Mistress Mary, quite contrary,<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;How does your garden grow?<br>With silver bells, and cockle shells,<br>&nbsp;&nbsp;And marigolds all in a row. ** Frances Hodgson Burnett, [https://www.gutenberg.org/files/17396/17396-h/17396-h.htm ''The Secret Garden''] (1911), Chapter II ** Compare: [[w:Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary|"Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary"]] * The leafy, sun-warmed countryside of the Ukraine sped past. At the foot of every signal box, the ground was yellow with marigolds. You could smell them even in the train. ** [[w:Konstantin Paustovsky|Konstantin Paustovsky]], [https://archive.org/details/storyoflife0002paus/page/88/mode/2up ''Story of a Life II: Slow Approach of Thunder''] (Manya Harari & Michael Duncan, tr., 1964) * These flowers stink as bad, or worse, than the French Marygolds. . . . ** [[w:William Hanbury|William Hanbury]], on the [[w:Tagetes erecta|African marigold]]; quoted by Robert L. Crowell, [https://archive.org/details/lorelegendsofflo00crow/page/69/mode/2up ''The Lore & Legends of Flowers''] (1982), p. 69 =====''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922) ===== :<small>Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), pp. 494-495.</small> * The marigold, whose [[courtier]]'s face<br>Echoes the sun, and doth unlace<br>Her at his rise, at his full stop<br>Packs and shuts up her gaudy shop. ** [[John Cleveland]], ''On Phillis Walking Before Sunrise''. * The marigold abroad her leaves doth spread,<br>Because the sun's and her power is the same. * The Marigold the leaues abroad doth spred,<br>Because the sunnes, and her power is the same: ** [[Henry Constable]], ''[https://www.luminarium.org/renascence-editions/diana.html Diana]'' (1594), Sonnet IX * No marigolds yet closed are,<br>No shadows great appeare. ** [[Robert Herrick]], ''Hesperides'' (1648), "To Daisies, Not to Shut so Soone" * Open afresh your round of starry folds,<br>Ye ardent marigolds!<br>Dry up the moisture from your golden lips. ** [[John Keats]], "I Stood Tiptoe Upon a Little Hill". * The sun-observing marigold. ** [[Francis Quarles]], ''The School of the Heart'', Ode XXX, Stanza 5. * Nor shall the marigold unmentioned die,<br>Which Acis once found out in Sicily;<br>She Phoebus loves, and from him draws his hue,<br>And ever keeps his golden beams in view. ** [[w:René Rapin|René Rapin]], ''Of Gardens'', translated by Gardiner (1706). * When with a serious musing I behold<br>The graceful and obsequious marigold,<br>How duly every morning she displays<br>Her open breast, when Titan spreads his rays. ** [[George Wither]], "The Marigold". == External links == {{Wikipedia}} [[Category:Flowers]] jy07l8y7vg36ddqrnst1aptno21yy3s 0 269147 3778808 3472965 2025-07-14T19:16:31Z AManWithNoPlan 365526 update url 3778808 wikitext text/x-wiki The '''{{w|Birmingham riot of 1963}}''' was a civil disorder and riot in [[w:Birmingham, Alabama|Birmingham]], [[Alabama]], that was provoked by bombings on the night of May 11, 1963. The bombings targeted [[African-American]] leaders of the {{w|Birmingham campaign}}. In response, local African-Americans burned businesses and fought police throughout the downtown area. {{History-stub}} == Quotes == * The eruption in Birmingham, Alabama, in the spring of 1963 showed how quickly anger can develop into violence. Black people were angry about the killing of {{w|Emmett Till}} and [[w:Lynching of Mack Charles Parker|Charles Mack Parker]]; the failure of federal, state and city governments to deal honestly with the problems of [[American ghettos|ghetto]] life. Now they read in the newspapers, saw on television and watched from the street corners themselves the police dogs and the fire hoses and the policemen beating their friends and relatives. They watched as young high-school students and women were beaten, as [[Martin Luther King]] and his co-workers were marched off to jail. The spark was ignited when a [[w:A. G. Gaston|black-owned]] motel in Birmingham and the home of Dr. King’s brother were bombed. This incident brought hundreds of angry black people into the street throwing rocks and bottles and sniping at policemen. The echoes were far and wide. ** [[Kwame Ture]] and [[Charles V. Hamilton]], {{cite book |title={{w|Black Power: The Politics of Liberation in America}} |date=1967 |publisher=Vintage Books |isbn=978-0-394-70033-5 |page=154}} * President [[John F. Kennedy|Kennedy]] did not send troops to Alabama when dogs were biting black babies. He waited three weeks until the situation exploded. He then sent troops after the Negroes had demonstrated their ability to defend themselves. In his talk with Alabama editors Kennedy did not urge that Negroes be treated right because it is the right thing to do. Instead, he said that if the Negroes aren't well treated the [[Islam in the United States|Muslims]] would become a threat. He urged a change not because it is right but because the world is watching this country. Kennedy is wrong because his motivation is wrong. ** [[Malcolm X]], as quoted in M. S. Handler, [https://www.nytimes.com/1963/05/17/archives/malcolm-x-scores-kennedy-on-racial-policy-says-he-is-wrong-because.html "Malcolm X Scores Kennedy on Racial Policy: Says He Is 'Wrong Because His Motivation Is Wrong': Head of Black Muslim Group Cites Birmingham Crisis"], ''The New York Times'', 17 May 1963; accessed [https://www.proquest.com/docview/116651467 ProQuest]. Also quoted in {{cite book |last1=Cone |first1=James H. |author1-link=James H. Cone |title=Martin & Malcolm & America: A Dream Or a Nightmare |date=1991 |publisher=Orbis Books |isbn=978-0-88344-824-3 |page=177 |url=https://www.google.com/books/edition/Martin_Malcolm_America/RVMNAQAAQBAJ?hl=en-419&gbpv=1&dq=did+not+send+troops+to+Alabama+when+dogs+were+biting+black+babies.+He+waited+three+weeks+until+the+situation+exploded.+He+then+sent+troops+after+the+N&pg=PT177&printsec=frontcover }} * By the way, right at that time Birmingham had exploded, and the Negroes in Birmingham—remember, they also exploded. They began to stab the crackers in the back and bust them up 'side their head—yes, they did. That's when Kennedy sent in the troops, down in Birmingham. So, and right after that, Kennedy got on the television and said "this is a moral issue." ** [[Malcolm X]], ''{{w|Message to the Grassroots}}'', King Solomon Baptist Church, Detroit, November 10, 1963. [https://web.archive.org/web/20100507104558/http://teachingamericanhistory.org/library/index.asp?document=1145 Link online] == External links == {{Wikipedia}} {{Authority control}} [[Category:Alabama]] [[Category:20th-century riots]] [[Category:Civil rights movement]] [[Category:1960s in the United States]] [[Category:1963]] 1qe6rzkoq3sp8o2f20vaoeg79wplxik 0 270581 3778839 3489217 2025-07-14T20:10:30Z Ekedjade 3179146 copied from wp 3778839 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Pallywood|Pallywood]]''' (a [[w:portmanteau|portmanteau]] of "[[Palestine]]" and "[[Cinema of the United States|Hollywood]]") is a [[Pejorative|derogatory term]] used to falsely accuse [[Palestinians]] of staging scenes of suffering and [[w:Palestinian casualties of war|civilian death]] in the [[Israeli–Palestinian conflict]]. It has been described as a [[conspiracy theory]] and a prominent element of Israeli [[disinformation]] in the conflict. The term gained currency following the 2000 [[w:killing of Muhammad al-Durrah|killing of Muhammad al-Durrah]] during the [[w:Second Intifada|Second Intifada]], after some commentators alleged that the incident had been some kind of media hoax. Israeli pundits have used the term to dismiss videos showing Israeli violence or [[w:Denialism|deny]] Palestinian suffering, particularly during the [[w:Gaza war|Gaza war]]. {{theme-stub}} ==Quotes== *In the early 2000s, at the dawn of the social media revolution, Israelis used to dismiss filmed evidence of brutality by their soldiers as fakery. It was what they called "Pallywood" – a conflation of Palestinian and Hollywood. In truth, however, it was the Israeli military, not the Palestinians, that needed to manufacture a more convenient version of reality. **[[w:Jonathan Cook|Jonathan Cook ]], [https://mondoweiss.net/2018/03/israeli-longer-salvage/ "Israeli army’s lies can no longer salvage its image"] [[w:Mondoweiss|Mondoweiss]]. 5 March 2018. *Half of Palestinian propaganda is bragging about how much they love death, the other half is crying about Israel giving it to them. **[[w:Richard Hanania|Richard Hanania]], [https://twitter.com/RichardHanania/status/1760438648317902908 "Half of Palestinian propaganda is bragging about how much they love death, the other half is crying about Israel giving it to them."] (21 February 2024), ''X'' ==External links== *{{Wikipedia-inline}} [[Category:Conspiracy theories]] [[Category:Mass media in Asia]] [[Category:Arab-Israeli conflict]] 0dmd9xvdgodotwo8i5bkumwy7677gua 0 272887 3778817 3778101 2025-07-14T19:38:15Z Ekedjade 3179146 removed a quote more relevant to [[Fatou Bensouda]] 3778817 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Bill Clinton, Yitzhak Rabin, Yasser Arafat at the White House 1993-09-13.jpg|thumb|We all love the same children, weep the same tears, hate the same enmity, and pray for reconciliation. Peace has no borders. ~ Israeli Prime Minister [[Yitzhak Rabin]] ]] [[File:President Bill Clinton has lunch with King Hussein of Jordan, Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu of Israel, and Chairman Yasser Arafat of the Palestinian Authority.jpg|thumb|we will never give up on our quest for peace ~ [[Benjamin Netanyahu]] ]] The '''[[w:Israeli–Palestinian conflict|Israeli–Palestinian conflict]]''' is an ongoing military and political conflict about [[Territory|land]] and [[w:self-determination|self-determination]] within the territory of the former [[Mandatory Palestine]]. Key aspects of the conflict include the [[Israeli occupation of the West Bank]] and [[Gaza Strip]], the [[w:status of Jerusalem|status of Jerusalem]], [[w:Israeli settlement|Israeli settlement]]s, borders, security, water rights, the [[w:Israeli permit regime in the West Bank|permit regime]], [[w:Palestinian freedom of movement|Palestinian freedom of movement]], and the [[w:Palestinian right of return|Palestinian right of return]]. __NOTOC__ {{TOCalpha}} == Quotes == <!-- listed alphabetically by author or source --> == A == * If you want to see the picture, you have to see whole picture, if you talked about violence, let's talk about 4000 Palestinians killed during the last five years while from Israeli side a few hundreds killed, So if you want to talk about the [[violence]] and you called this violence "[[terrorism]]" Israel kills more, more Palestinian than Palestinian kills on [[Israel]], Second, You have to see both sides. You talk about Hamas, what they did in Israel but don't talk about Israel and what they did in Palestinian Territories. ** [[Bashar al-Assad]], ''Interview with Charlie Rose'', (2006) * Not there's no [[The Holocaust|Holocaust]], let say they exaggerated the Holocaust. We don't say many people...but they say there's Holocaust but they are exaggerating, so there's such perception of this event of this title, the Holocaust, in our region...It's not the matter how many were killed, six million or one million, or half...killing is killing, I mean how many [[Soviet Union|Soviets]] were killed? eight million, so why didn't we talk about them? the problem is not how many were killed. How do they do use it? what do the Palestinians have to do to the Holocaust to pay the price? This is one question we asked...We know that there was [[Holocaust|massacre against Jewish]] and against others...what's going on in Palestine we see it the same way, but you don't see it the same way... ** [[Bashar al-Assad]], ''Interview with Charlie Rose'', (2006) * Our forces are now entirely ready not only to repulse the aggression, but to initiate the act of liberation itself, and to explode the Zionist presence in the Arab homeland. The Syrian army, with its finger on the trigger, is united....I, as a military man, believe that the time has come to enter into a battle of annihilation. ** Syrian Defense Minister [[Hafez Assad]] ([[May 20]] [[1967]]), quoted in Isi Leibler, The Case For Israel, p. 60. * This will be a war of extermination and a momentous massacre which will be spoken of like the Mongolian massacres and the Crusades. ** [[Abdul Rahman Hassan Azzam]] Pasha, Secretary General of the [[Arab League]], in anticipation of victory over the new Jewish state in 1948 by the five invading Arab armies. This quote is described by Isi Leibler (1972) and mentioned in letters to the New York Times in [[15 October]] [[1951]], and [[28 August]] [[1958]]. == B == * The state of Israel will promote the development of the country for the benefit of all its inhabitants; will be based on precepts of liberty, justice and peace taught by the Hebrew prophets; will uphold the full social and political equality of all its citizens without distinction of race, creed or sex; will guarantee full freedom of conscience, worship, education and culture; will safeguard the sanctity and inviolability of shrines and holy places of all religions; and will dedicate itself to the principles of the Charter of the United Nations. ** First Israeli Prime Minister [[David Ben-Gurion]], Israel's Proclamation of Independence, read on (14 May 1948) * In the midst of wanton aggression we call upon the Arab inhabitants of the state of Israel to return to the ways of peace and play their part in the development of the state, with full and equal citizenship and due representation in all its bodies and institutions, provisional or permanent. ** First Israeli Prime Minister [[David Ben-Gurion]], Israel's Proclamation of Independence, read on (14 May 1948) * We offer peace and amity to all neighboring states and their peoples, and invite them to co-operate with the independent Jewish nation for the common good of all. The state of Israel is ready to contribute its full share to the peaceful progress and reconstitution of the Middle East. ** First Israeli Prime Minister [[David Ben-Gurion]], Israel's Proclamation of Independence, read on (14 May 1948) * Jews strove throughout the centuries to go back to the land of their fathers and regain statehood. In recent decades, they returned in their masses. They reclaimed a wilderness, revived their language, built cities and villages, and established a vigorous and ever-growing community, with its own economic end cultural life. They sought peace, yet were ever prepared to defend themselves. They brought blessings of progress to all inhabitants of the country. ** First Israeli Prime Minister [[David Ben-Gurion]], Israel's Proclamation of Independence, read on (14 May 1948) * We do not believe in might; we believe in right, only in right. And that is why our aspiration, from the depths of our hearts, from time immemorial until this very day, is peace. ** Israeli Prime Minister [[Menachem Begin]], [https://db.begincenter.org.il/en/article/address-to-the-knesset-with-anwar-sadat/ Speech to the Knesset with Anwar Sadat, Egypt's president] * Peace is the beauty of life. It is sunshine. It is the smile of a child, the love of a mother, the joy of a father, the togetherness of a family. It is the advancement of man, the victory of a just cause, the triumph of truth. Peace is all of these and more and more. ** Israeli Prime Minister [[Menachem Begin]], [https://www.nobelprize.org/prizes/peace/1978/begin/lecture/#content Noble Peace Prize Speech] * And so reborn Israel always strove for peace, yearned for it, made endless endeavors to achieve it. My colleagues and I have gone in the footsteps of our predecessors since the very first day we were called by our people to care for their future. We went any place, we looked for any avenue, we made any effort to bring about negotiations between Israel and its neighbors, negotiations without which peace remains an abstract desire. ** Israeli Prime Minister [[Menachem Begin]], [https://www.nobelprize.org/prizes/peace/1978/begin/lecture/#content Noble Peace Prize Speech] == C == * We are working with our allies to prevent conflict in the Middle East. The peace treaty between Egypt and Israel is a notable achievement which represents a strategic asset for America and which also enhances prospects for regional and world peace. We are now engaged in further negotiations to provide full autonomy for the people of the West Bank and Gaza, to resolve the Palestinian issue in all its aspects, and to preserve the peace and security of Israel. ** [[Jimmy Carter]], James Earl Carter, Jr.'s Third State of the Union Address * There are two interrelated obstacles to permanent peace in the [[Middle East]]: 1. Some Israelis believe they have the right to confiscate and colonize Palestinian land and try to justify the sustained subjugation and persecution of increasingly hopeless and aggravated Palestinian; and 2. Some Palestinians react by honoring [[w:Suicide_bombers|suicide bombers]] as martyrs to be rewarded in heaven and consider the killing of Israelis as victories. **[[Jimmy Carter]] in [[Palestine Peace Not Apartheid|''Palestine Peace Not Apartheid'']] (2006), pp. 205-6 [https://www.google.com/books/edition/Palestine_Peace_Not_Apartheid/tWeaLvPweg8C?hl=en] == G == * Israelis and Palestinians live on the same piece of land namely; Palestine that is located between the River Jordan and the Mediterranean. This is a disputed land. In 1948 the majority of the population, three quarters of the population were Palestinians. Less than a quarter of the population were Israelis. They managed to expel the Palestinians from their homes and unilaterally declared a state called Israel. This is inadmissible under [[international law]]. No one can legally declare a state on a disputed territory. ** [[Muammar Gaddafi]], [http://english.algaddafi.org/the-address-of-brother-leader-to-the-students-and-faculty-of-meiji-university-japan.html The Address of Brother Leader to the Students and Faculty of Meiji University, Japan] (December 15, 2009) * The Arabs had lost Palestine, it was a catastrophe, a [[nakba]], as it became known. Several hundred thousand Palestinians had to flee, within the country or into neighboring countries. Palestinians felt they were being made to atone for Europe’s sin of the Holocaust by sacrificing their own land. They took the keys to their houses with them and never gave up on the idea of returning home one day. But in 1967, during six days of war, the Arabs lost more land: Gaza, the [[West Bank]], [[w:East_Jerusalem|East Jerusalem]], including the walled [[w:Old_City,_Jerusalem|old city]] that is home to [[w:Al-Aqsa_mosque|Al-Aqsa mosque]], as well as [[Egypt]]’s [[w:Sinai_Peninsula|Sinai]] and [[Syria]]’s [[Golan Heights]]. [[Jerusalem]] was under Jewish rule again for the first time in two millennia. Across the [[Arab world|Arab]] and [[Muslim world]], there was disbelief, shock, and tears. Arabs had put their faith in [[nationalism]] and in Egypt’s president, [[Gamal Abdel Nasser]]. Just a few years prior, in 1956, Nasser had emerged victorious from [[w:Suez_Crisis|a war for control over Egypt’s Suez Canal]], staring down not only the [[French Colonial Empire|French]] and the [[British Empire|British]] but also Israel. The charismatic nationalist had become a hero for millions across the [[Arabia|Arab world]]. How could he have lost this time? Perhaps, some people thought, [[Allah|God]] had forsaken [[Muslim|Muslims]]; perhaps a return to [[religion]] was the answer. ** Kim Ghattas, ''Black Wave: Saudi Arabia, Iran, and the Forty-Year Rivalry That Unraveled Culture, Religion, and Collective Memory in the Middle East'' (2020) * There are monsters among us. Every day I read about an American “plan” to either invade some place new or to otherwise inflict pain to convince a “non-compliant” foreign government how to behave. [...] Just as often, one learns about a new atrocity by Israelis inflicted on the defenseless [[Arabs]] just because they have the power to do so. Last Friday in [[Gaza Strip|Gaza]] the [[Israel Defense Forces|Israeli army]] shot and killed four unarmed demonstrators and injured 300 more while the Jewish state’s police invaded a Palestinian orphanage school in occupied Jerusalem and shut it down because the students were celebrating a “Yes to peace, no to war” [[poetry]] festival. [[Peace]] is not in the Israeli authorized curriculum. ** [[Philip Giraldi]], [https://councilforthenationalinterest.org/?p=4954 "Monsters Walk the Earth. Why These Three Countries Are the Real Troika of Evil", ''The Council for the American Interest''] (June 27, 2019) * I know the difference between the world as we wish it to be and the world as it is. The world as it is, is a divided Palestinian people, a place that allows rockets to be launched from apartment buildings, a place for a [[Mosque|mosques]] are weapon storage sites, a place where [[Education|school]] [[children]] are taught [[Hatred|hate]] -- that's the world as it is. **[[Lindsey Graham]], [https://www.americanrhetoric.com/speeches/lindseygrahamaipac2010.htm Speech to the American Israel Public Affairs Committee], delivered 22 March 2010 * I urge the Israeli authorities to abide by the laws governing armed conflict, including the proportionate use of force. I call on them to exercise maximum restraint in the conduct of military operations. I likewise urge Hamas and other militant groups to stop the indiscriminate launching of rockets and mortars from highly populated civilian neighbourhoods into civilian population centres in Israel, also in clear violation of [[International law|international humanitarian law]]. Densely populated civilian areas must not be used for military purposes. ** [[António Guterres|Antonio Guterres]], Secretary-General’s Remarks to the General Assembly Meeting on the Situation in the Middle East and Palestine, United Nations Secretary-General, Statements, (May 20, 2021) == H == *The history of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict is the history of two societies in extreme distress: anyone who speaks only of the anguish of the Israelis is not telling the whole truth, nor is anyone who speaks only of the misery of the Palestinians...More than anything, we must understand that this was not a battle of [[strength]] against strength, but of [[weakness]] against weakness; throughout the whole [[Arab-Israeli conflict]], each side has felt itself to be far weaker than its opponent, and acted accordingly. We must understand that there was no "Jewish justice," as [[Golda Meir]] said in one of her less sterling moments, nor was there "Arab justice," a claim that also has proponents; rather, there were two deep traumas, on which a completely new life, a different world, new hope must be built. **[[Shulamith Hareven]] "No One Asked the Medics" in ''The Vocabulary of Peace: Life, Culture, and Politics in the Middle East'' (1995) * I find that no other question so much reminds me of [[F. Scott Fitzgerald]] and his aphorism about the necessity of living with flat-out [[contradiction]]. Do I sometimes wish that [[Theodor Herzl]] and [[Chaim Weizmann]] had never persuaded either the [[Jews]] or the [[Gentile|gentiles]] to create a quasi-[[Utopia|utopian]] [[farmer]]-and-[[worker]] state at the eastern end of the [[Mediterranean Sea|Mediterranean]]? Yes. Do I wish that the Israeli air force could find and destroy all the arsenals of [[Hezbollah]] and [[Hamas]] and [[w:Palestinian_Islamic_Jihad|Islamic Jihad]]? Yes. Do I think it ridiculous that [[Vienna|Viennese]] and [[Russia|Russian]] and [[Germany|German]] [[w:Scholars|scholars]] and [[doctors]] should have vibrated to the mad rhythms of [[Antiquity|ancient]] so-called [[Prophecy|prophecies]] rather than helping to [[Secularization|secularize]] and [[reform]] their own societies? Definitely. Do I feel horror and disgust at the thought that a whole new generation of [[Arabs|Arab]] [[Palestine|Palestinians]] is being born into the [[Palestinian refugees|dispossession]] and/or [[Israeli-occupied territories|occupation]] already suffered by their grandparents and even great-grandparents? Absolutely, I do. ** [[Christopher Hitchens]], "[https://slate.com/news-and-politics/2008/05/can-israel-survive-for-another-60-years.html Can Israel survive for another 60 years?]," 12 May 2008, Slate.com * Make no mistake, this is a science: with every violent victory of the Zionist occupation army over the Palestinian resistance, the Zionists take one step closer to their own annihilation. The Palestinians, by following the example which the West has proudly placed before the world, of the much-celebrated terrorism against German occupation in World War II on the part of the French Resistance, and the "partisans" of eastern Europe, have brought untold grief and misery to their people. ** Michael Hoffman, ''Judaism Discovered: A Study of the Anti-Biblical Religion of Racism, Self-Worship, Superstition and Deceit'' (2008) * No one ever thought that 140,000,000 [[United States|Americans]] would become the hands of the [[Judaism|Jews]]. ... How would the Americans dare to Judaize [[Palestine]] while the [[Arabs]] are still alive? ... The wicked American intentions toward the Arabs are now clear, and there remain no doubts that they are endeavoring to establish a Jewish empire in the Arab world. More than 400,000,000 Arabs [?] oppose this criminal American movement. ... Arabs! Rise as one and fight for your sacred rights. Kill the Jews wherever you find them. This pleases God, history, and religion. This saves your honor. God is with you. ** [[Haj Amin al-Husseini]], the Mufti of [[Jerusalem]], and head of the [[Palestinian Arab Higher Committee]], Quoted in Joseph B. Schechtman, ''The Mufti and the Fuhrer'' (1965) p. 150 * I declare a holy war, my Muslim brothers! Murder the Jews! Murder them all! ** [[Haj Amin al-Husseini]], the Mufti of [[Jerusalem]], and head of the [[Palestinian Arab Higher Committee]], Quoted in Joseph B. Schechtman, ''The Mufti and the Fuhrer'' *We salute the Palestinian people of heroic [[Mujahid|mujahideen]] as well as every hero and heroine amongst the champions of self-sacrifice who confront the [[Zionism|Zionist]] aggression with their lives and thus foil the wrong ideas of the American administrations which have acted in alliance with their artificial Zionist creation in the crimes they perpetrate and the shame they reap. **[[Saddam Hussein]], speech commemorating 82nd anniversary of the [[w:Iraqi Armed Forces|Iraqi Armed Forces]], 6 January 2003 == M == * We owe a responsibility not only to those who are in Israel but also to those generations that are no more, to those millions who have died within our lifetime, to Jews all over the world, and to generations of Jews to come. We hate war. We do not rejoice in victories. We rejoice when a new kind of cotton is grown, and when strawberries bloom in Israel. ** Israeli prime minister [[Golda Meir]], As quoted in ''As Good as Golda : The Warmth and Wisdom of Israel's Prime Minister'' (1970) edited by Israel Shenker and Mary Shenker, p. 28 == N == * "We will not enter Palestine with its soil covered in sand. We will enter it with its soil saturated in blood." ** Pressident Nasser March 18, 1965, Quoted in Howard Sachar, A History of Israel: From the Rise of Zionism to Our Time, p. 616. * The truth is that if Israel were to put down its arms there would be no more Israel. If the Arabs were to put down their arms there would be no more war. ** [[Benjamin Netanyahu]], Israeli prime minister. Speech at the Knesset (the Israeli Parliament) at the end of the 2006 Israel-Lebanon conflict. (August 14 2006). [http://www.globes.co.il/serveen/globes/docview.asp?did=1000122795&fid=942] * I came here tonight to talk about the agreement and security that are broad consensus within Israeli society. This is what guides our policy. This policy must take into account the international situation. We have to recognize international agreements but also principles important to the State of Israel. I spoke tonight about the first principle - recognition. Palestinians must truly recognize Israel as the state of the Jewish people. The second principle is demilitarization. Any area in Palestinian hands has to be demilitarization, with solid security measures. Without this condition, there is a real fear that there will be an armed Palestinian state which will become a terrorist base against Israel, as happened in Gaza. We do not want missiles on [[Petah Tikva]], or Grads on the Ben-Gurion international airport. We want peace. ** [[Benjamin Netanyahu]], Speech at [[wikipedia:Bar-Ilan University|Bar-Ilan University]], as quoted in [http://www.haaretz.com/news/full-text-of-netanyahu-s-foreign-policy-speech-at-bar-ilan-1.277922 "Full text of Netanyahu's foreign policy speech at Bar Ilan" in ''Haaretz'' (June 14, 2009)] * I believe there is no time to waste; we need to move toward peace with a sense of urgency and with a sense of purpose. I want to make this clear: My goal is not to have endless negotiations. My goal is not negotiations for the sake of negotiations. My goal is to achieve a permanent peace treaty between Israel and the Palestinians. ** Israeli Prime Minister [[Benjamin Netanyahu]], Speech to the Jewish Federations of North America, as quoted in [http://www.cbsnews.com/news/netanyahu-calls-for-more-peace-talks/ "Netanyahu Calls for More Peace Talks"] ''CBS News'' (November 9, 2009) * My friends, while Israel will be ever vigilant in its defense, we will never give up on our quest for peace. I guess we’ll give it up when we achieve it. Israel wants peace. Israel needs peace. We’ve achieved historic peace agreements with Egypt and Jordan that have held up for decades. ** Israeli Prime Minister [[Benjamin Netanyahu]], [https://www.algemeiner.com/2011/05/24/full-text-of-netanyahu-speech-to-congress/ Speech before a joint session of the United States Congress, May 24, 2011] * The peace agreements with Egypt and Jordan are vital. But they’re not enough. We must also find a way to forge a lasting peace with the Palestinians. Two years ago, I publicly committed to a solution of two states for two peoples: A Palestinian state alongside the Jewish state. ** Israeli prime minister [[Benjamin Netanyahu]], [https://www.algemeiner.com/2011/05/24/full-text-of-netanyahu-speech-to-congress/ Speech before a joint session of the United States Congress, May 24, 2011] * So now here is the question. You have to ask it. If the benefits of peace with the Palestinians are so clear, why has peace eluded us? Because all six Israeli Prime Ministers since the signing of Oslo accords agreed to establish a Palestinian state. Myself included. So why has peace not been achieved? Because so far, the Palestinians have been unwilling to accept a Palestinian state, if it meant accepting a Jewish state alongside it. ** Israeli Prime Minister [[Benjamin Netanyahu]], [https://www.algemeiner.com/2011/05/24/full-text-of-netanyahu-speech-to-congress/ Speech before a joint session of the United States Congress, May 24, 2011] == R == * We are destined to live together, on the same soil in the same land. We, the soldiers who have returned from battle stained with blood, we who have seen our relatives and friends killed before our eyes, we who have attended their funerals and cannot look into the eyes of their parents, we who have come from a land where parents bury their children, we who have fought against you, the [[Palestine|Palestinians]]. We say to you today in a loud and clear voice: Enough of blood and tears. Enough. <br /> We have no desire for revenge. We harbor no hatred towards you. We, like you, are people who want to build a home, to plant a tree, to love, live side by side with you in dignity, in empathy, as human beings, as free men. We are today giving peace a chance and again saying to you in a clear voice: Enough. ** [https://web.archive.org/web/20040825072435/http://www.mfa.gov.il/MFA/Archive/Speeches/EXCERPTS%20OF%20PM%20RABIN%20KNESSET%20SPEECH%20-DOP-%20-%2021-Sep Excerpts of Israeli Prime Minister Rabin Knesset Speech (21 September 1993)] * Here we stand before you, men who fate and history have sent on a mission of peace to end once and for all 100 years of bloodshed. Our dream is also your dream -- King [[Hussein of Jordan|Hussein]], President [[Hosni Mubarak|Mubarak]], Chairman [[Yasser Arafat|Arafat]], all the others, and, above [all], assisting us, President [[Bill Clinton]] -- a President who is working in the service of peace. We all love the same children, weep the same tears, hate the same enmity, and pray for reconciliation. Peace has no borders. ... My brother Jews speak through the media to you [of] thousands of years of exile. And the dream of generations have returned us to our historic home in the land of Israel -- the land of the [[Prophet|Prophets]]. Etched on every vineyard, every field, every olive tree, every flower is the deep imprint of the Jewish history; of the Book of the books that we have bequeathed to the entire world; of the values of morality and of justice. Every place in the land of the Prophets, every name is an integral part of our heritage of thousands of years of the divine promise to us and to our descendants. Here, is where we were born. Here, is where we created a nation. Here, we forged a haven for the persecuted and built a model of a democratic country. But we are not alone here on this soil, in this land. And so we are sharing this good earth today with the Palestinian people in order to choose life. Starting today, an agreement on paper will be translated into reality on the ground. We are not retreating. We are not leaving. We are building -- and we are doing so for the sake of peace. Our neighbors, the Palestinian people, we who have seen you in your difficulties, we saw you for generations; we who have killed and have been killed are walking beside you now toward a common future, and we want you as a good neighbors. ** [[Yitzhak Rabin]], [https://www.americanrhetoric.com/speeches/OsloII/yitzhakrabinosloII.htm Address at Israeli-Palestinian Interim Agreement Signing Ceremony, Washington DC] (28 September 1995) == S == * Like all Israelis, I yearn for peace. I see the utmost importance in taking all possible steps that will lead to a solution of the conflict with the Palestinians ** Israeli Prime Minister [[Ariel Sharon]], [http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/3332941.stm in an interview with the BBC]. * There will be no Jewish survivors in the holy war for liberating Palestine ** [[w:Ahmad Shukeiri|Ahmad Shukeiri]] Leader of the PLO during the [[w:waiting period|Six Day War waiting period]], Quoted in [[w:The Times|''The Times'']] June 8 1967 newspaper == T == * Right and wrong are the same in Palestine as anywhere else. What is peculiar about the Palestine conflict is that the world has listened to the party that has committed the offence and has turned a deaf ear to the victims. ** [[Arnold J. Toynbee]]. Forward to ''The Transformation of Palestine''. Northwestern University Press, USA, 1971. == V == *After the withdrawal of the [[UNEF]], the ''Voice of the Arabs'' radio station proclaimed ([[May 18]] [[1967]]): "As of today, there no longer exists an international emergency force to protect Israel. We shall exercise patience no more. We shall not complain any more to the UN about Israel. The sole method we shall apply against Israel is total war, which will result in the extermination of Zionist existence." ** After the withdrawal of the [[UNEF]] during the [[w:waiting period|Six Day War waiting period]], the ''Voice of the Arabs'' radio station ([[May 18]] [[1967]]), Quoted in Isi Leibler, The Case For Israel, p. 60. == External links == {{wikipedia}} [[Category:Arab-Israeli conflict]] [[Category:20th century in Israel|Palestinian conflict]] e3wbu8p57433npugw1b9r9auddtynni 0 273001 3778800 3701105 2025-07-14T19:07:22Z ᘙ 3105225 /* Quotes */ 3778800 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Archibald Henry Sayce (engraved portrait).png|thumb|An engraving of Archibald Sayce]] '''[[w:Archibald Sayce|Archibald Henry Sayce]]''' FRAS (25 September 1845 – 4 February 1933) was a pioneer British [[w:Assyriology|Assyriologist]] and [[linguistics|linguist]], who held a chair as Professor of Assyriology at the [[University of Oxford]] from 1891 to 1919. He was able to write in at least twenty ancient and modern languages, and was known for his emphasis on the importance of archaeological and monumental evidence in linguistic research. He was a contributor to articles in the 9th, 10th and 11th editions of the ''[[w:Encyclopædia Britannica|Encyclopædia Britannica]]''. {{people-stub}} == Quotes == *The nearer a language is to its primary centre, the less alteration we are likely to find in it. Now of all the Aryan dialects, Sanskrit and Zend may, on the whole, be considered to have changed the least. **(Sayce 1880, 122). Introduction to the science of language **in Bryant, E. F. (2001). The Quest for the Origins of Vedic Culture : the Indo-Aryan migration debate. Oxford University Press. * During the last half-century a new world has been opened out before us by the excavators and decipherers of the ancient monuments of the East, the great civilisations of the past have risen up, as it were, from their grave, and we find ourselves face to face with the contemporaries of {{w|Ezekiel}} and {{w|Hezekiah}}, of [[Moses]] and of [[Abraham]]. Pages of [[history]] have been restored to us which had seemed lost for ever, and we are beginning to learn that the old empires of the Orient were in many respects as cultured and literary as is the world of to-day. The [[Tanakh|Old Testament]] has hitherto stood alone; the literature which existed by the side of it in the oriental world seemed to have perished, and if we would test and verify, illustrate or explain its statements, we had nothing to fall back upon except a few scattered fragments of doubtful value, which had come to us through Jewish and Christian apologists, or the misleading myths and fables of Greek writers. The books of the Old Testament Scriptures could be explained and interpreted only through themselves; they were what the logicians would call “a single instance”; there was nothing similar with which they could be compared, no contemporaneous record which could throw light on the facts they contained. ** {{cite book|title=The "Higher Criticism" and the Verdict of the Monuments|edition=8th, revised|location=London|publisher=Society for Promoting Christian Knowledge|year=1915|url=https://books.google.com/books?id=40z2ajIoFhYC&pg=PA6|pages=6–7}} (1st edition, 1894) * ... In the literary age of [[Greece]] and [[Rome]] the ancient religions of [[Babylonia]] and [[Egypt]] had passed into their dotage, and the conceptions on which they were founded had been transformed or forgotten. What was left of them was little more than an empty and unintelligible husk, or even a mere caricature. The gods, in whose name the kings of {{w|Assyria}} had gone forth to conquer, and in whose honour {{w|Nebuchadrezzar}} had reared the temples and palaces of Babylon, had degenerated into the patrons of a system of magic; the priests, who had once made and unmade the lords of the East, had become “[[:wiktionary:Chaldean|Chaldæan]]” fortune-tellers, and the religion and science of Babylonia were remembered only for their connection with astrology. The old tradition had survived in Egypt with less apparent alteration, but even there the continuity of religious belief and teaching was more apparent than real, external rather than internal; and though the ... {{w|Ptolemies}} and early {{w|Roman emperor}}s rebuilt the temples on the old lines, and allowed themselves to be depicted in the dress of the [[Pharaoh]]s, making offerings to gods whose very names they could not have pronounced, it was all felt to be but a sham, a dressing up, as it were, in the clothes of a religion out of which all the spirit and life had fled. ** {{cite book|title=The Religions of Ancient Egypt and Babylonia|series=The Gifford Lectures on the Ancient Egyptian and Babylonian Conception of the Divine, Delivered in Aberdeen|edition=1st|location=Edinburgh|publisher=T. & T. Clark|year=1903|pages=2–3}} [https://archive.org/details/in.ernet.dli.2015.22453 text at archive.org]; 1st printing December 1902; 2nd printing March 1903) * In the early spring of 1859 I saw London for the first time. My father introduced me to all the chief sights of the metropolis, including, of course, the {{w|London Colosseum|Colosseum}} with its diving-bell, as well as the {{w|Vauxhall Gardens}}, which were closed shortly afterwards. I spent hours in the {{w|British Museum}}, more especially in the [https://www.britishmuseum.org/collection/galleries/early-egypt Egyptian] and [https://www.britishmuseum.org/collection/galleries/assyrian-sculpture-and-balawat-gates Assyrian] rooms; the spell of the East became more potent than ever, and I still have a small note-book in which I endeavoured to copy the strange characters on one of the {{w|cuneiform}} tablets in the glass cases. ** {{cite book|title=Reminiscences|location=London|publisher=Macmillan|year=1923|url=https://books.google.com/books?id=e9sNAAAAYAAJ&pg=PA14|page=14}} ===The Hittites: The Story of a Forgotten Empire=== * ... The [[Hittites]] were a very real power. Not very many centuries before the age of {{w|Elisha}} they had contested the empire of Western Asia with the [[Egypt|Egyptians]], and though their power had waned in the days of {{w|Jehoram of Israel|Jehoram}} they were still formidable enemies and useful allies. They were still worthy of comparison with the divided kingdom of Egypt, and infinitely more powerful than that of {{w|Kingdom of Judah|Judah}}.<br>But we hear no more about them in the subsequent records of the [[Tanakh|Old Testament]]. The age of Hittite supremacy belongs to an earlier date than the rise of the monarchy in Israel; earlier, we may even say, than the Israelitish conquest of {{w|Canaan}}. ** {{cite book|title=The Hittites: The Story of a Forgotten Empire|series= {{w|By-paths of Bible Knowledge}}. volume XII|edition=4th, revised|location=London|publisher=Religious Tract Society|year=1925|url=https://books.google.com/books?id=2eUBAAAAMAAJ&pg=PA12|page=12}} (1st edition 1888) *The Hittites were a people with yellow skins and ‘mongoloid’ features whose receding foreheads, oblique eyes, and protruding upper jaws, are represented as faithfully on their own monuments as they are on those of Egypt, so that we cannot accuse the Egyptian artists of caricaturing their enemies... <br> We have seen that the Hittites were a northern race. Their primitive home probably lay on the northern side of the Taurus. What they were like we can learn both from their own sculptures and from the Egyptian monuments, which agree most remarkably in the delineation of their features. The extraordinary resemblance between the Hittite faces drawn by the Egyptian artists and those depicted by themselves in their bas-reliefs and their hieroglyphs, is a convincing proof of the faithfulness of the Egyptian representations, as well as of the identity of the Hittites of the Egyptian inscriptions with the Hittites of Carchemish and Kappadokia.<br>It must be confessed that they were not a handsome people. They were short and thick of limb, and the front part of their faces was pushed forward in a curious and somewhat repulsive way. The forehead retreated, the cheek-bones were high, the nostrils were large, the upper lip protrusive. They had, in fact, according to the craniologists, the characteristics of a Mongoloid race. Like the Mongols, moreover, their skins were yellow and their eyes and hair were black. They arranged the hair in the form of a 'pig-tail,' which characterizes them on their own and the Egyptian monuments quite as much as their snow-shoes with upturned toes.<br>In Syria they doubtless mixed with the Semitic race, and the further south they advanced the more likely they were to become absorbed into the native population. **SAYCE 1890: “The Hittites, The Story of a forgotten Empire”, the Religious Tract Society, Piccadilly, 1890. pp. 15, 101 == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Sayce, Archibald}} [[Category:University of Oxford faculty]] [[Category:Archaeologists from England]] [[Category:Linguists from England]] [[Category:1845 births]] [[Category:1933 deaths]] qj8h5qh6w28sp0p12hphjkcv874kfgc 0 273995 3778647 3772309 2025-07-14T13:34:53Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Comedians]]; added [[Category:Comedians from Nigeria]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778647 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w: Bolaji Amusan|Bolaji Amusan]]''' (born 15 October 1966), known by his comic persona Mr Latin, is a veteran Nigerian comic actor, filmmaker, director and producer. {{actor-stub}} ==Quotes== * Gone are the days when you say you want male or female. All genders are children. If you are fortunate to be blessed with one, be thankful to God. Any one you are given, appreciate it. **[https://punchng.com/my-children-will-have-my-name-as-biggest-legacy-mr-latin/ My children will have my name as biggest legacy –Mr Latin] . The Punch (Nigeria), 4 September 2022 * It is the bargaining power of individuals that determines what they are paid. **[https://punchng.com/why-i-can-never-marry-another-wife-mr-latin/ Why I can never marry another wife – Mr. Latin]. The Punch (Nigeria), 6 May 2018. == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Amusan, Bolaji}} [[Category:Actors from Nigeria]] [[Category:Comedians from Nigeria]] [[Category:Film directors from Nigeria]] [[Category:Film producers]] [[Category:1966 births]] [[Category:Living people]] ns1umnueqvbfaxu8jib88i6rxl4wnrt 0 274981 3779034 3770459 2025-07-15T06:44:42Z 49.177.3.140 /* Joy */ 3779034 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''{{w|Inside Out 2}}''''' is a 2024 American [[w: Computer-animated|computer-animated]] [[w:Comedy film|comedy film]] produced by [[w:Pixar|Pixar Animation Studios]] and released by [[w:Walt Disney Pictures|Walt Disney Pictures]]. It is a sequel to ''[[Inside Out (2015 film)|Inside Out]]'' and tells the story of Riley's emotions as they find themselves joined by new emotions that want to take over Riley's head. {{center/s}}'''Make room for new emotions.'''{{center/e}} :''Directed by {{w|Kelsey Mann}}. Written by {{w|Meg LeFauve}}, and Dave Holstein.'' ==Riley Andersen== * I'm too gross to go to camp ever again! * I'm a good person. ''[first Sense of Self]'' * I'm a winner. ''[belief]'' * Homework should be illegal. ''[belief]'' * If I'm good at hockey, I'll make friends. ''[anxious belief]'' * I'm not good enough! ''[second Sense of Self]'' * I'm selfish. I'm kind. I'm not good enough! I'm a good person. I need to fit in, but I want to be myself. I'm brave, but I get scared. Success is everything. I make mistakes. I'm nice. I'm mean. I'm a really good friend. I'm a terrible friend. I am strong. I'm weak. I need help sometimes. ''[third Sense of Self]'' ==Emotions== ===Joy=== * ''[first line of the film]'' Let's…play…some… HOCKEY! * This is Joy coming to you live from Riley's mind. And we are expecting a great championship today with the Foghorns! Get up on your feet and make some NOISE! * Turns out, when you put all of those beliefs together, they make the most wonderful thing of all: her Sense of Self. * This is for all memories that belong in the ''back of the mind''. Like this penalty one, it's weighing on her, so let's ''lighten the load''. A one-way express to "We're not going to think about that right now." * We keep the best and ''toss'' the rest! * Orange? Who made the console orange? * I know new emotions can sometimes feel unhelpful at first and you just wanna...say to them. "Why are you so annoying?" But, I've learned that every emotion is good for Riley. * Look, again, love the energy. But you're being silly. None of this will actually happen. * You can't just bottle us up! * Riley's secrets, a rogue emotion has taken over Headquarters. * ''[talking to Disgust about Lance Slashblade]'' Don't you remember his ''power move''? * Why can't they just leave her alone? * Boy, are we so lucky we ran into you guys! * Delusional? ''[shouts]'' ''OF COURSE'' I'M DELUSIONAL! Do you know how hard it is to stay positive all the time when ALL YOU FOLKS DO IS ''COMPLAIN, COMPLAIN, COMPLAIN''!? JIMINY MOTHER-LOVING TOASTER STRUDEL! '''Do you think ''I'' have all the answers'''? Of '''course I don’t'''! ''[Defeated]'' We can’t even find the back of our own mind... Anxiety is right. Riley doesn't need us as much as she needs them. And that ''hurts''. It really hurts. * ''[as she and the other emotions enter Imagination Land]'' This place has changed. * We can't let her do this to Riley! We need to shut this down! * ''[facing Anxiety]'' If you wanted her to be happy, then you'd stop hurting her! * ''[looking at the memory of Riley getting a two-minute penalty for tripping in her hockey game and another of her getting an F on a test]'' That's not… ''[picks up more memories; on the verge of tears, losing hope]'' Come on, please. What am I missing? * I don't know how to stop Anxiety. Maybe we can't. Maybe this is what happens when you grow up, You feel less joy. * I know what to do. But we're gonna need a lot more dynamite. * ''[confronting Anxiety]'' You don't get to choose who Riley is. Anxiety… you need to let her go. * Every bit of Riley makes her who she is. And we love ''all'' of our girl. Every messy, beautiful piece of her. ===Sadness=== * Yay. * Oh, that was our favorite shirt. * ''[tiredly wakes up]'' What the heck is that? * ''[helping Embarrassment]'' Oh, I got you, big guy. * You take such good care of Riley. * ''['''Joy:''' Have I ever steered you wrong before?]'' [[Inside Out (2015 film)|Yeah, many times]]. * Oh, this is a sad story. * ''['''Disgust:''' Lance Slashblade?!]'' But he's a video game character. Why is he here? * ''[talking to Joy on walkie-talkie]'' Anxiety is making Riley break into the coach's office! * ''[to Anxiety]'' This isn't who Riley is. * Joy, Riley wants you. ===Disgust=== * No, no, no, no! That's not ours! * Aah! Who are you people?! * I never miss a look. * Orange is not my color. * Uh-uh. What do you mean, "we"? * Guys, you just got to turn on the charm. * The Riley we knew is gone. * They're using Riley's imagination against her! * Riley paints her nails to match her jersey. Everybody copies her and she is so cool! * Fear, you have a parachute?! ===Anger=== * Let me at 'em! * Did we grow overnight? * What’s going on?! AAAAAAH… * I barely touched it. Those morons broke the console! * Do I ''look'' orange?! (No.) * Wow, those guys are jerks. * The teacher's lounge has a hot tub? * It's a brain storm! * I have an idea, but I really don't like it. * Occasionally, she can do the wrong thing. * Joy, you've made a lot of mistakes. A-A lot. And you'll make a whole lot more in the future. But if you let that stop you, we might as well lie down and give up now. ''['''Fear''': Well, actually, that does sound kinda nice-- [Disgust smacks Fear] Ow!]'' Come on. * We buy flowers for the losing team! What? I can't always be the rage guy. ''['''Joy:''' No, no. I liked it.]'' ===Fear=== * We gotta get our mouth guard, people! * How dare you, madam! * We are suppressed emotions! * I didn't touch it. * Joy, if we can't follow the stream, we don't know where we're going. And if we don't know where we're going, we can't follow the stream! It's an endless loop of tragedy and consequences! * This whole trip is just a series of deader and deader ends! * Riley wears knee pads. * She can have really bad ideas. ===Anxiety=== * Hello, everybody! * Oh, my gosh. I am just such a huge fan of yours. And now, here I am, meeting you face to face. Okay. How can I help? I can take notes, get coffee, manage your calendar, walk your dog, carry your things, watch you sleep. * Oh, I'm sorry. I can get ahead of myself. Uh, I'm Anxiety. Uh, I'm one of Riley's new emotions and we are super jazzed to be here. Where can I put my stuff? * That's Embarrassment. He's not really big on eye contact or like uh, good talking, but he's a really sweet guy. * Look, we all have a job to do. You make Riley happy, Sadness makes her sad, Fear protects her from the scary stuff she can see, and my job is to protect her from the scary stuff she can't see. I plan for the future. * She finally arrives at high school. She has no one. She eats alone, and only the teachers know her name. * That's not going to haunt us for the rest of our lives at all. * I know change is scary, but we need new friends, or else we'll be '''totally''' alone in high school. * Riley's life is more complex now. It requires more sophisticated emotions than all of you. You just aren't what she needs anymore. * It's not forever. It's just until Riley makes varsity, or until she turns eighteen, or maybe forever. I don't know. We'll have to see. Bye! * Let Operation: New Riley begin. * Come on, Riley, get it together. * YOU HAVE TO SCORE, RILEY! OR THIS WILL ALL HAVE BEEN FOR NOTHING! * ''[during Riley's panic attack]'' Joy, I'm sorry. I was just trying to protect her. But you're right. We don't get to choose who Riley is. ===Envy=== * I wish I was as tall as all of you. ''['''Anger:''' "Who the heck are you?"]'' I'm Envy. Whoa, look at your hair! ''['''Disgust:''' "Oh, yeah. Not happening."]'' * These girls are so cool! * Oh, I’ve always wanted people to talk about us, but not like this. * We eat whatever Val eats. * Anxiety, you're putting too much pressure on her! ===Ennui=== * Ennui. It's what you would call the boredom. * Non. * Console app. * Ooh la la, Joy is so old school. * That was like 30 seconds ago, Nostalgia. * Bravo, Joy, she's totally fitting in now. * Why are we up so early? * Aren't we already good at hockey? * You care too much about things. * Um, sorry to interrupt you but, they're walking away. * Uh, what do you think pockets are for? * Ugh, pardon! Excusez-moi! I've been waiting my whole life for this very moment. * My phone! Where is my phone? Seriously?! This is not happening! No, no, no, no, NO! * Pff, they wouldn't know cool if it hit them in the face. * Okay, but, ''how'' are we gonna score three goals? * She can be bored, but never boring. ===Nostalgia=== * Remember when we all finally came up to Headquarters? * Yeah. Those were the days. ===Embarrassment=== * And she's got us! Woo-hoo! Yeah, right? 'Cause she’s… ==Dialogue== :'''Joy''': ''[as Riley goes to the penalty box, two minutes for tripping; voice-over]'' Okay, looks like we have a couple of minutes while Riley takes a breather. Let me catch you up. Riley is still exceptional. And not just because she's the top of her class, which by the way, she is. She's also really kind, and she's nice to stray cats, I mean, come on! Oh, and she's officially a teenager now. She got very tall, very fast. :'''Anger''': ''[off-screen]'' Did we grow overnight?! :'''Sadness''': ''[off-screen]'' Oh. That was our favorite shirt. :'''Joy''': ''[voice-over]'' We even got braces with extra rubber bands! :'''Dentist''': How does it feel? :'''Riley''': Great! ''[one of the extra rubber bands snaps off from her braces and hits the dentist's face]'' Sorry. :'''Joy''': Riley's personality islands are still going strong. :'''Disgust''': Glad to see Boy Band Island ''finally'' broke up. :'''Fear''': But Goofball is still monkeying around! ''[laughs]'' :'''Sadness''': Wait, where's Family Island? :'''Joy''': It's right there. ''[gives Sadness binoculars]'' :'''Sadness''': ''[sees Family Island through the binoculars, revealing to be smaller than the other islands]'' Oh, there it is. But what's that blocking it? :'''Joy''': Oh, that's Friendship Island. Isn't it amazing? ''[voice-over]'' But we realized her islands aren't the only things made by memories. Way down, at the root level, these memories were also creating beliefs. <hr width=50%> :'''Coach Roberts''': ''[to Riley, Grace, and Bree]'' Hey, girls. Congratulations on your win! :'''Joy''': ''[gasps]'' That's the high school coach! ''[she and Disgust exclaim excitedly]'' :'''Coach Roberts''': What a game! That last play? Whoo! The three of you were impressive! :'''Riley''': Thanks, Coach Roberts. :'''Coach Roberts''': Look, its last minute, but every year, I do a three-day skills camp. I invite all the best players in the area. I love for you girls to come. :'''Fear''': Are we in a dream right now? Please, can somebody pinch me? ''[Anger punches him in the arm]'' Definitely awake. :'''Joy''': If we impress Coach, she'll put the three of us on the team next year. :'''Anger''': Ooh, the Fire Hawks. Finally, a team I can get behind! :'''Coach Roberts''': What do you say? :'''Riley''': YES! Thank you, Coach! Thank you, thank you! :'''Bree and Grace''': ''[in unison]'' YES! :'''Coach Roberts''': Great! We'll see you tomorrow. :''[Riley and her friends squeal in excitement; Later that evening, at Riley's house…]'' :'''Jill''': What a big day! :'''Bill''': Ha! You are such an all-star! Oh, you're going to knock the coach's skates off! Hockey scholarship, here we come! :'''Riley''': Dad, stop! It's just hockey camp. I mean who knows what'll happen. ''[inside her mind, the memory of her getting a two-minute penalty for tripping shows up; worried]'' My penalty almost lost us the game today. What if I get to camp and screw it up? :'''Bill''': Hey, don't talk like that. :'''Jill''': Yeah. You did great today, honey. :'''Joy''': Exactly! Mom gets it. ''[removes the memory]'' :'''Riley''': Yeah, I guess. :'''Jill''': We are so proud of you. <hr width=50%> :'''Sadness''': Joy, are you taking that where I think you're taking that? :'''Joy''': Wanna come this time? :'''Sadness''': Yes. I-I mean, no. Oh, no. I-I-I really shouldn't. :'''Joy''': You know, you’re the only one who hasn't been to the Belief System. :'''Sadness''': Yeah, it’s just that it's new, and I know how important it is, and I don't wanna mess it up, break it, burn it to the ground or anything. :'''Joy''': Sadness, you won't hurt it, I promise. Have I ever steered you wrong before? :'''Sadness''': Yeah. Many times. <hr width=50%> :'''Jill''': ''[entering Riley's room as Riley wakes up]'' Riley, you aren't packed yet? :'''Riley''': ''[as Anger presses a button on the console, making her really frustrated]'' You're always on me! Can't you just lay off for, like, one second?! :'''Disgust''': Uh, overreact much? :'''Anger''': [[w:PlayStation 2|I barely touched it. Those morons broke the console!]] :'''Jill''': Riley, what's wrong? :'''Sadness''': Oh. Mom looks sad. ''[presses a button on the console, Riley feels more emotional]'' :'''Riley''': [[The Lion King|I'm the '''''WORST!!''''' ''[cries]'']] :'''Jill''': Oh, no. Honey... :'''Sadness''': I barely touched it. :'''Anger''': That's what I said. ''[Riley then sniffs her armpits]'' :'''Disgust''': Let the professional handle this. ''[presses a button on the console, making Riley overreact]'' :'''Riley''': I'm too gross to go to camp or anywhere ever '''''AGAIN!''''' :'''Disgust''': Oh, yeah, this is totally broken. :''[Zoom into Jill's mind and her emotions]'' :'''Jill's Anger''': Well, we all knew this day would come. :'''Jill's Sadness''': Remember, we agreed not to make a big deal about this. :'''Jill's Disgust''': But she really does stink. :'''Jill's Anger''': Oh, it's bad. :'''Jill's Sadness''': Remain calm. Stick to the prepared script. ''[presses a button on the console, making Jill try to console Riley]'' :'''Jill''': ''[sitting down on Riley's bed]'' You are not gross, honey. You're just changing. Remember that beautiful butterfly we saw in the park last week? ''[while inside Riley's mind, the emotions are using and extended arm to reach the console]'' Well, that butterfly began as a caterpillar. And just like that caterpillar, you're about to get your wings. But if you have questions... :''[The hand touches a button on the console, making Riley overreact more]'' :'''Riley''': ''[irritated]'' Oh, my gosh, Mom! Just go away! ''[gets up from her bed and leaves]'' UGH! :'''Jill's Anger''': Well, that's a preview of the next ten years. <hr width=50%> :'''Disgust''': ''[notices Bree with a worried smile on her face]'' Wait, what was that? :'''Joy''': What was what? :'''Disgust''': We got a look. I don't like this. :'''Joy''': What? You're paranoid. :'''Disgust''': I never miss a look. ''[brings up a panel and begins typing; a system begins examining Bree and the screen zooms in on her pushed eyebrows]'' Enhance 224, 176. Track right, zoom in, right... there! :'''Anger''': So? :'''Disgust''': She's hiding something. But what? :''[Riley is suspicious; zoom into Bree's mind and emotions]'' :'''Bree's Sadness''': What is she doing? :'''Bree's Anger''': She's looking at our look! :'''Bree's Disgust''': No, it's much more than that. ''[brings up the same panel and types, comparing Riley's suspicious expression with the same system]'' :'''Bree's Joy''': She looks the same to me. :'''Bree's Disgust''': Overlay and compare. See? Riley then, Riley now. Riley then, Riley now. :'''Bree's Anger''': It's so obvious. :'''Bree's Sadness''': But what does it mean? :'''Bree's Disgust''': She knows we're hiding something. :''[Zoom into Grace's mind and emotions]'' :'''Grace's Disgust''': What is happening right now?! :'''Grace's Fear''': I don't know! I DON'T KNOW! :'''Grace's Anger''': I can't take it anymore! :''[Grace's Fear accidentally activates the console, causing Grace to reveal the bad news]'' :'''Grace's Disgust''': You spilled the tea! :'''Grace''': ''[blurting out]'' Coach Roberts isn't gonna be our coach next year! ''[shockingly covers her mouth and whimpers]'' :'''Bree''': Grace! We… ''[sighs]'' We got assigned to a different high school. :'''Disgust''': Ah-ha! (What?) Oh… Oh, no. :'''Riley''': Oh… Okay. Um… Yeah. No big deal. :'''Fear''': This is a HUGE deal! :'''Anger''': Our life is over! :'''Disgust''': Is she serious right now? How long have they known us? :'''Anger''': We can't go to high school without Bree and Grace. :'''Sadness''': We won't know anybody. :'''Bree''': We'll still get to hang out. :'''Grace''': And we'll have this weekend, which means we'll get one last time playing on the same team. :'''Bree''': Friends are forever, right? :'''Riley''': Yeah. Of course. <hr width=50%> :''[Just as Riley arrives at hockey camp, she comes face-to-face with Valentino Ortiz]'' :'''Val''': You're the one Coach told us about. Riley, from Michigan, right? :'''Anger''': It's Minnesota, sweetie! :'''Disgust''': No, no, no, no! We cannot correct Val Ortiz. :''[The console suddenly turns orange, with Riley speaking in an anxious manner]'' :'''Riley''': Yep, that's me. Riley from good ol' Michigan. :'''Joy''': Orange? Who made the console orange? :'''Anger''': Do I look orange? (No.) :'''Fear''': I didn't touch it. :'''Disgust''': Orange is not my color. :'''Sadness''': Not me. :''[As they back away, they see what appears to be a new orange emotion with upturn frizzy hair, and wearing a striped-orange and white sweater and brown pants]'' :'''Anxiety''': Hello, everybody! ''[the emotions scream in surprise, Joy protects them]'' Oh, my gosh. I am just such a huge fan of yours! And now, here I am, meeting you, face to face. ''[squeals]'' Okay. How can I help? :'''Joy''': Uh... :'''Anxiety''': I can either take notes, get coffee, manage your calendar, walk your dog, carry your things, watch you sleep. :'''Joy''': Wow, you have a lot of energy. Maybe you could just stay in once place. :'''Anxiety''': Anything. Just call my name and I'm here for you. :'''Joy''': Okay, love that and what was your name again? :'''Anxiety''': Oh! I'm sorry. I got ahead of myself. Uh, I'm Anxiety. Uh, I'm one of Riley's new emotions and we are just super jazzed to be here. ''[carries three suitcases on each arm]'' Where can I put my stuff? :'''Disgust''': Ah-ah-ah. What do you mean "we"? :''[A little cyan emotion with sparkly eyes then appears as she climbs up on the console]'' :'''Envy''': ''[sighs]'' I wish I was as tall as all of you. :'''Anger''': Who the heck are you? :'''Envy''': I'm Envy. ''[gazes at Disgust's hair]'' Oh, look at your hair. :'''Disgust''': Oh, yeah. Not happening. :'''Envy''': ''[looks at Val; gasps]'' Look at ''her'' hair! We need hair like ''that. [presses a button on the console]'' :'''Riley''': Oh, my gosh. I love the red in your hair. ''[slowly reaches out her hand to touch Val's red streak]'' :'''Val''': ''[nervously]'' Oh. Uh... :'''Disgust''': ''[gasps]'' What are you doing!? ''[panicky grabs Envy and pulls her away from the console]'' :'''Riley''': Hey, maybe when I make the team, I can join Team Redhead, too! Yeah, yeah! :''[A big pink emotion, wearing a gray hoodie, presses his hand on the console, making her blush in shock as he whimpers]'' :'''Anger''': Okay, who's this guy? :'''Sadness''': What's your name, big fella? :'''Anxiety''': That's Embarrassment. He's not really big on eye contact or like good talking, but he's a really sweet guy. :'''Joy''': Well, welcome to Headquarters, Embarrassment. Oh. We're doing a fist? No? Going high. ''[high-fives him]'' You got a real sweaty palm there, buddy. :''[Embarrassment whimpers and falls on the floor]'' :'''Val''': Hey. You want to come with me actually? We can meet some of the other Fire Hawks. :'''Anxiety''': Oh, this is exciting. But we can't let her know we're excited. :''[The console then turns indigo]'' :'''Riley''': ''[nonchalantly]'' Yep. Sounds good. :'''Anger''': What emotion was that? :'''Anxiety''': That's Ennui. :'''Joy''': En-what? :''[Pan over to Ennui, an indigo emotion wearing a tracksuit and socks, lounging on the couch while addicting to her phone]'' :'''Ennui''': Ennui. It's what you would call "the boredom". :'''Joy''': Well, come on up here, En-wur. Am I saying it right? En-wah. No. Oh! Nicknames! I'm gonna call you Oui-Oui. :'''Ennui''': ''[uncaringly]'' Non. :'''Fear''': How are you driving? :'''Ennui''': Console app. ''[showing the app on her phone, demonstrating how it works]'' :'''Anger''': Hey! Stop it! That's enough. :'''Joy''': Now, now, I know new emotions can sometimes feel unhelpful at first, and you just want to...say to them, "Why are you so annoying?". But I've learned that every emotion is good for Riley. Even this turkey. :'''Anger''': Okay, fine. :'''Riley''': Cool. Lead the way. :'''Val''': All right, grab your stuff and follow me. <hr width=50%> :'''Coach Roberts''': Ladies! Settle in means settle down. I need your focus. Which means now I'm going to need your cellphones. ''All'' of them. ''[the girls all complain over this; tuts]'' You're here to work, not goof around. ''[glares sternly at Riley]'' Got that, Andersen? :'''Riley''': ''[as Embarrassment presses a button on the console, making her blush foolishly]'' Yes, Coach. :'''Coach Roberts''': Please put all your phones in the basket. You'll get them back at the end of camp. ''[walks around, holding the basket and all the girls drop their phones in it]'' :'''Grace''': Wow. Coach is ''so'' serious. <hr width=50%> :''[Anxiety and the other new emotions have sent the original emotions to the Vault inside a jar]'' :'''Fear''': WE ARE SUPPRESSED EMOTIONS! '''RUN!!!''' :''[The emotions, without Joy, starts losing it]'' :'''Joy''': Stay calm! Riley's going to be fine. ''Totally'' fine. No need to run. :'''Bloofy''': Hey, there. You know what we call that? "Denial". Can you say "denial"? ''[Fear's flashlight points to a 2D preschool show character; the emotions scream]'' Hi, friends! ''[talking to "the audience"; breaking the fourth wall]'' Welcome! It's so good to have you here with us today! :'''Joy''': ''[laughs]'' It's Bloofy! :'''Disgust''': From that preschool show Riley used to like? :'''Bloofy''': That's right, and here's a little secret. ''[presses his nose against the jar, making Fear nervous]'' <small>Riley still likes the show.</small> ''[walks away from the jar and turns to the audience to sing his song with Joy dancing along in the background; singing] ♪ Stomp like an elephant, scurry like a mouse, make your way down to Bloofy's House! ♪'' :'''Anger''': Please kill me. :'''Joy''': Bloofy, we're in a real pickle! Could you help us get out of here? :'''Bloofy''': ''[to the audience]'' Uh, oh! We're gonna need your help! Can you find a way out? :'''Anger''': '''''WHO''''' '''ARE YOU TALKING TO?''' :'''Bloofy''': ''[to the emotions]'' My friends! ''[to his shadow and the wall, where the audience would be]'' Do you see a key? ''[silence]'' Hmmm... I don't either. :'''Fear''': Okay, we're doomed. :'''Lance Slashblade''': Indeed. Welcome to your eternal fate. :'''Disgust''': ''[gasps]'' Lance Slashblade? :'''Sadness''': But he's a video game character. Why is he here? :'''Disgust''': Yeah, I always thought Riley had a secret crush on him. :'''Joy''': I never saw the appeal. :'''Lance Slashblade''': I long to be a hero, but darkness haunts my past. <hr width=50%> :'''Disgust''': You listen to me, Lance Slashblade. No one is totally worthless. :'''Lance Slashblade''': But I am a warrior cursed with a feeble attack. :'''Disgust''': Then you must make your curse your gift! <hr width=50%> :'''Ennui''': ''[exhausted]'' Why are we up so early? :'''Anxiety''': Because ''mon-ami,'' we need to speed things up. And that means we hit the ice early and practice like we've never practiced before. :'''Ennui''': Aren't we already good at hockey? :'''Envy''': We're ''good'', but the Fire Hawks are great. :'''Anxiety''': That's right. Every time we miss, we skate a lap around the rink. Hockey is not a game; it's a sport. :'''Envy''': That was amazing. :'''Anxiety''': We need to be that good every time. Let's run it again. :'''Val''': Hey, I see I'm not the only one who likes to start early. :'''Anxiety''': You guys, it's Val! We had the same idea! :'''Envy''': We're basically the same person. We're gonna be best friends! :'''Val''': How long have you been here? :'''Riley''': I-I don't know. Maybe an hour? I just wanted to get in some extra ice time. :'''Val''': I'm the same way. :'''Anxiety''': Oh, my gosh. She gets us. :'''Val''': See? I told the other girls you'd figure it out. You get what it takes to be the best. :'''Envy''': Look at us. This is going great. :'''Anxiety''': Yeah, but we need Val to really like us. :'''Envy''': Oh! We should ask Val lots of questions. People love talking about themselves. :'''Riley''': So, what was your freshman year on the Fire Hawks like? :'''Val''': I mean… It was a lot of work. Like a lot. But it's also how I met my best friends. :'''Anxiety''': Val is sharing things with ''[squeals]'' US! :'''Val''': Hey, a few of us are just gonna hang out tonight, order some food. You should come! :'''Envy''': An exclusive invitation. Mwah-ha-ha! We're going! :'''Riley''': Really? :'''Val''': Definitely! It'll be fun. :'''Coach Roberts''': Alright, ladies, let's warm up. :'''Grace''': Hey, Riley. :'''Riley''': Hi. :'''Envy''': Huh! We are not sharing Val with them. :'''Val''': Early mornings make me so hungry. :'''Riley''': I know, right? I'd give anything for a piece of pizza right now. <hr width=50%> :'''Riley''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, yeah. Get Up and Glow is so awesome. :'''Bree''': Riley, what are you talking about? You ''love'' Get Up and Glow. :'''Riley''': Oh! Uh... Hey, guys. :'''Envy''': ''[growls frustratedly]'' Oh, why are our best friends always trying to hang out with us!? :'''Grace''': Come on, Riley, we just went to their concert. :'''Riley''': Well, yeah. I mean, sure. But like… :'''Bree''': But what? :'''Grace''': We had a great time! :'''Anxiety''': Grace, you are not helping. :'''Riley''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, yeah. We had a great time. :'''Joy''': Why can't they just leave her alone? <hr width=50%> :''[Joy is trying to get a vehicle to work, whilst Fear, Anger, and Disgust talk amongst themselves about Riley's current state and Joy's plan]'' :'''Joy''': Okay, well, this isn’t working. But it's fine. Everything’s fine. :'''Disgust''': This is hopeless. I say we cut our losses and walk back. :'''Fear''': This whole trip is just a series of deader and ''deader'' ends! :'''Anger''': Ever since that puberty alarm went off, nothing around here works the way it's supposed to! :'''Disgust''': I don't even recognize this place anymore. It's light out at 1:00 in the morning! :'''Fear''': I have never been inside so many jars in my life. :'''Disgust''': And the Riley we knew is '''gone!''' :'''Anger''': And if Joy can't see that, well, then she's ''delusional!'' :'''Joy''': ''[turns around and stares at them]'' Delusional? ''[snaps]'' ''OF COURSE'' I'M DELUSIONAL! Do you know how ''hard'' it is to stay positive all the time? When all you folks do is ''complain, complain, complain!'' Jiminy mother-loving toaster strudel! ''[smacks the controls of the vehicle, whilst Fear cowers and Anger smiles]'' Do you think I have all the answers? Of ''course'' I don't! ''[sighs heavily]'' We can't even find the back of her own mind. ''[cowers in front of the control panel]'' Anxiety is right! Riley doesn't need us as much as she needs them. ''[starting to break down into tears]'' And that hurts... it really hurts. :''[the other emotions look at each other, and Anger walks up to Joy]'' :'''Anger''': Joy, you've made a lot of mistakes. A-A lot. And you'll make a whole lot more in the future. But if you let that stop you, we might as well lie down and give up now. :'''Fear''': Well, actually, that does sound kind of nice. ''[Disgust slaps him]'' Ow! :'''Anger''': ''[offering Joy his hand]'' Come on. :''[Joy is helped up to her feet by Anger, and the emotions continue their journey]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Joy''': Come on, we just need to cut through… ''[gasps]'' Imagination Land! Oh, you guys are going to love it! There's French Fry Forest, Cloud Town and… ''[notices some changes around]'' Whoa. This place has changed. Mount Crushmore? :'''Fear''': Those are her top four? :'''Disgust''': ''[sighs dreamily]'' The only one that matters is Lance. :'''Joy''': Well, at least they got his good side. :'''Disgust''': Every side is his good side. <hr width=50%> :'''Anxiety''': All we got to do is to sneak into her office and read it. Come on, Riley, move those feet. :'''Envy''': She doesn't want to...? :'''Anxiety''': Are we pushing her too hard? :'''Envy''': We have got to see what's in the notebook. It's the only way for us to know how we can do better. <hr width=50%> :''[After Sadness uses Ennui's phone to stop Riley from looking through Coach Roberts' notebook]'' :'''Anxiety''': Wait, why'd she stop? ''[gasps, seeing the console reacting blue]'' Sadness? Ennui! Where's your phone? :'''Ennui''': ''[starts panicking]'' Ooh-la-la... My phone! Where is my phone? Seriously?! ''[looks under the couch]'' This is not happening! No, no, no, no, NO! :'''Anxiety''': Okay, she's gotta be here somewhere. Find her. :'''Envy''': GOTCHA! :''[Envy and Ennui shove the binders to catch Sadness, but she's not there; Embarrassment sighs in relief]'' <hr width=50%> :''[The emotions make it to the back of the mind and see a huge mountain of bad memories]'' :'''Fear''': That is a lot. :'''Joy''': This is more than I remember sending back here. :'''Disgust''': ''[picks up a memory of Riley bumping her head into a glass door]'' Oh, when she walked into that glass door at that party. Oof! :'''Joy''': Yeah, and breaking Grandma's favorite plate. Thank goodness these aren't part of her. <hr width=50%> :'''Disgust''': Okay, so how do we get her Sense of Self from here to ''there?'' :'''Anger''': ''[sighs]'' I have an idea, but I really don't like it. :'''Joy''': Anger, Riley needs us. :'''Anger''': ''[reluctantly]'' OH, POUCHY! ''[echoes]'' Well, what are you waiting for? Say the words. :'''Emotions''': OH, POUCHY! ''[echoes]'' :'''Pouchy''': ''[suddenly appearing in front of them]'' Hi, everybody! I'm Pouchy! :'''Anger''': We know! :'''Joy''': Pouchy, we need to get back to Headquarters. Do you have ''anything'' that can help us? :'''Pouchy''': I have lots of items. Which one do you think will work the best? A roll of tape, a rubber ducky, or-- :'''Anger''': No time! ''[pulls him down and takes out three sticks of dynamite from his mouth] :'''Disgust''': Seriously, Pouchy? Dynamite? Don't you have, like, a-a jetpack, a plane or something that's gonna help us?! :'''Pouchy''': ''[miffed]'' What do you think I have, everything in here?! I offered you the rubber ducky. I offered you the tape. :'''Joy''': ''[gets an idea]'' I know what to do. But we're gonna need a lot more dynamite. :'''Pouchy''': You know what? Good luck-- ''[Anger puts his hand back in Pouchy's mouth so he could pull out more dynamite]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Coach Roberts''': ''[blowing her whistle after Riley aggressively accidentally crashes into Grace; sharply]'' Andersen! Penalty box, two minutes. :'''Anxiety''': ''[horrified]'' NO! :'''Bree''': Grace, are you okay? :''[Riley watches Bree and Coach Roberts checking on Grace to see if she's alright]'' :'''Envy''': We hurt Grace! :'''Anxiety''': It all happened so fast. I didn't even see her! <hr width=50%> :''[Bree and Grace show up at the penalty box to check on Riley after she calms down from her panic attack]'' :'''Grace''': Riley, you okay? :''[The other emotions step forward while Joy remains by the new Sense of Self]'' :'''Riley''': ''[getting up]'' Yeah. I mean… no. ''[breaking down]'' I was such a jerk to you, guys. When you guys told me you were going to a different school, I freaked out. And... ''[sighs]'' I'm so sorry. If you don't want to be friends anymore, I get it. But… I really hope that you can forgive me… someday. <hr width=50%> :'''Anxiety''': I love our girl. :'''Joy''': How could you not? She's super smart. :'''Sadness''': And great at hockey. :'''Disgust''': She's really creative. :'''Ennui''': She can be bored, but never boring. :'''Joy''': But she can be a little sarcastic from time to time. :'''Fear''': She can have really bad ideas. :'''Anger''': Occasionally, she can do the wrong things. :'''Joy''': Sometimes, she can be too hard on herself, but every bit of Riley makes her who she is. And we love all of our girl. Every messy, beautiful piece of her. <hr width=50%> :''[During the end credits at the Andersen house; the Andersens are eating dinner at the table]'' :'''Jill''': So, Riley, how was camp? :''[Zoom into Riley's mind]'' :'''Joy''': Okay, we talked about this. We tell them everything. :'''Riley''': Uh… :'''Anxiety''': But what about sneaking into Coach's office? :'''Anger''': What about hitting Grace? :'''Envy''': Remember the lying? :'''Disgust''': Are we gonna tell her about the Fire Hawks? :'''Anger''': She doesn't need to know. :'''Fear''': Objection! :'''Ennui''': Pardon. ''Excusez moi. [presses a button on the console app on her phone]'' :'''Riley''': ''[nonchalantly]'' It was good. ''[eats her food]'' :''[Jill makes a "Please tell me you're joking" look before zooming into her mind and her emotions]'' :'''Jill's Anger''': She goes away for three days and all we get is, "good"? :'''Jill's Anxiety''': ''[appearing from the curtains]'' And what about the red in her hair?! Did she join a gang? :'''Jill's Sadness''': ''[giving her tea to chill]'' Welcome back, Anxiety. :''[Zoom into Bill's mind and his emotions]'' :'''Bill's Anxiety''': ''[popping up]'' She goes away for three days and all we get is, "good"?! :'''Bill's Anger''': Yeah. Sounds right. Back to the game. ==Taglines== *Big changes. New emotions. *Make room for new emotions. *Contain your emotions. ==Cast== {{col-begin}} {{col-2}} * [[Amy Poehler]] — Joy * {{w|Phyllis Smith}} — Sadness * [[Lewis Black]] — Anger * {{w|Tony Hale}} — Fear * {{w|Liza Lapira}} — Disgust * {{w|Maya Hawke}} — Anxiety * {{w|Ayo Edebiri}} — Envy * {{w|Adèle Exarchopoulos}} — Ennui * {{w|Paul Walter Hauser}} — Embarrassment * Kensington Tallman — Riley Andersen * {{w|Diane Lane}} — Jill Andersen * {{w|Kyle MacLachlan}} — Bill Andersen * [[w:Lilimar Hernandez|Lilimar]] — Valentina "Val" Ortiz * Sumayyah Nuriddin-Green — Bree * Grace Lu — Grace * Yong Yea — Lance Slashblade * {{w|Ron Funches}} — Bloofy {{col-2}} * {{w|Yvette Nicole Brown}} — Coach Roberts * {{w|James Austin Johnson}} — Pouchy * [[Steve Purcell]] — Deep Dark Secret * {{w|Dave Goelz}} — Mind Cop Frank * {{w|Kirk Thatcher}} — Foreman * [[Frank Oz]] — Mind Cop Dave * {{w|Paula Pell}} — Jill's Anger * {{w|June Squibb}} — Nostalgia * {{w|Pete Docter}} — Bill's Anger * [[Paula Poundstone]] — Forgetter Paula * {{w|John Ratzenberger}} — Fritz * {{w|Sarayu Rao}} — Margie * [[Flea (musician)|Flea]] — Jack * {{w|Bobby Moynihan}} — Forgetter Bobby * {{w|Kendall Coyne Schofield}} — Hockey Announcer * [[w:Lori Alan|Lori Alan]] — Jill's Sadness * [[w:Carlos Alazraqui|Carlos Alazraqui]] — Bill's Fear * [[w:Josh Cooley|Josh Cooley]] — Bill's Sadness * Sherry Lynn — Jill's Disgust and Joy * Roger Craig Smith — Bill's Anxiety * Mona Marshall — Jill's Anxiety {{col-end}} ==External Links== * {{imdb title|22022452|Inside Out 2}} * {{rotten-tomatoes|id=inside_out_2|title=Inside Out 2}} {{wikipedia}} {{Pixar}} [[Category:2024 computer-animated films]] [[Category:2024 American animated films]] [[Category:American computer-animated films]] [[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]] [[Category:American children's animated drama films]] [[Category:American children's animated comedy films]] [[Category:Comedy-drama films]] [[Category:Animated films about families]] [[Category:Animated films about friendship]] [[Category:Animated films set in San Francisco]] [[Category:Ice hockey films]] [[Category:American sequel films]] [[Category:American 3D animated films]] [[Category:Films directed by Kelsey Mann]] [[Category:Pixar]] [[Category:Films about emotions]] ggljd6kh6mvfzihy79nxvbms36dxl51 0 275515 3778699 3539626 2025-07-14T13:54:48Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Comedians]]; added [[Category:Comedians from Nigeria]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778699 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Faces at AMVCA 2020 48.jpg|thumb|AY at 2020 AMVCA]] '''[[w:Ayo Makun|Ayo Richard Makun]]''' (born on 19 August 1971) also known by his stage name A.Y, is a Nigerian actor, comedian, radio and TV presenter, writer, producer and film director. {{stub}} ==Quotes== *Projecting a negative narrative against someone who is not struggling to defend himself doesn’t mean he is weak. **[https://www.vanguardngr.com/2024/04/my-marriage-of-20-years-slipping-off-my-hands-comedian-ay-opens-up/ My marriage of 20 years slipping off my hands – Comedian AY opens up]. April 8 2024, Vanguard Newspaper. *Some of us are just logical enough to understand the difference between opinions, values, beliefs, and facts. **[https://www.vanguardngr.com/2024/04/my-marriage-of-20-years-slipping-off-my-hands-comedian-ay-opens-up/ My marriage of 20 years slipping off my hands – Comedian AY opens up]. April 8 2024, Vanguard Newspaper. *Know where you can function, know what you can handle. **[https://punchng.com/why-i-failed-at-my-nightclub-business-ay-comedian-reveals/Why I failed at my nightclub business, AY Comedian reveals]. 10 October 2021, Punch Newspaper. == External links== {{wikipedia|Ayo Makun}} {{commonscat}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Makun, Ayo}} [[Category:1971 births]] [[Category:Actors from Nigeria]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Comedians from Nigeria]] 61y38rwvw21cstyeadomik1o2x8h4o8 0 276390 3778806 3709401 2025-07-14T19:15:59Z ᘙ 3105225 3778806 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Hittite language|Hittite]]''', also known as '''Nesite''' (Nešite/Neshite, Nessite), is an [[Extinct language|extinct]] [[Indo-European languages|Indo-European language]] that was spoken by the [[Hittites]], a people of [[Bronze Age Anatolia]] who created an empire centred on [[Hattusa]], as well as parts of the northern [[Levant]] and [[Upper Mesopotamia]]. __NOTOC__ {{TOCalpha}} {{theme-stub}} ==C== *(The Hittite language) cannot be accepted without qualification as Aryan. ... The deviations in the inflection are puzzlingly numerous. ... Again the number of Indo-European words and stems identified in the vocabulary is but small. Finally, the syntax remains essentially un- Aryan... Now if these documents dated from the 14th century AD, few would hesitate to declare that they were written in an Indo-European language and explain the discrepancies as due to the familiar phenomena of decay, assimilation of forms, and foreign borrowing. But the texts... are many centuries older than the oldest written memorials of Sanskrit or Greek. Yet their language diverges from the hypothetical original Aryan tongue far more than Greek or Sanskrit differs from the parent speech or from one another. It is a fact impossible to believe that a truly Indo-European language would look so odd in the 14th century before our era. **Childe, The Aryans. quoted in S. Talageri, The Aryan Invasion Theory and Indian Nationalism (1993) *Nasili cannot be accepted without qualification as Aryan. ... The deviations in the inflection are puzzlingly numerous. ... Again the number of Indo-European words and stems identified in the vocabulary is but small. Finally, the syntax remains essentially un- Aryan... Now if these documents dated from the 14th century AD, few would hesitate to declare that they were written in an Indo-European language and explain the discrepancies as due to the familiar phenomena of decay, assimilation of forms, and foreign borrowing. But the texts... are many centuries older than the oldest written memorials of Sanskrit or Greek. Yet their language diverges from the hypothetical original Aryan tongue far more than Greek or Sanskrit differs from the parent speech or from one another. It is a fact impossible to believe that a truly Indo-European language would look so odd in the 14th century before our era. ** ''The Aryans: A study of Indo-European origins'', by Childe, V Gordon. New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1926. [https://archive.org/details/TheAryansAStudyOfIndo-europeanOrigins/page/n39/mode/2up] quoted in S. Talageri, The Aryan Invasion Theory and Indian Nationalism (1993) * While the reading of the inscriptions by Hrozny and other scholars has almost conclusively shown that they spoke an Indo-European language, their physical type is clearly Mongoloid, as is shown by their representations both on their own sculptures and on Egyptian monuments. They had high cheek-bones and retreating foreheads. ** Carnoy Albert J. 1919: Pre-Aryan Origins of the Persian Perfect. pp. 117-121 in The Journal of the American Oriental Society, Vol.39, 1919.(CARNOY 1919:117). *It has often been remarked - and not without reason - that although the grammar of the Anatolian languages would be recognizably Indo-European, the vocabulary would be less so. This is usually attributed to the deeply penetrating influences exercised by strange surroundings not only while the Anatolians were en route, but also after their arrival in Anatolia. **H.J. Houwinkten Cate in Encyclopedia Britannica, quoted in Talageri, The Aryan Invasion Theory and Indian Nationalism (1993) ==J== *The Hittite monuments are numerous and are found over a wide extent of territory. In their sculpture Babylonian influence is evident, although the physiognomy and costume of the subjects of representation, as well as several minor details, give Hittite art a distinct individuality. As is the case with Babylonian art, the sculptures are usually accompanied with inscriptions. ... Representations of the Hittites are found also on Egyptian monuments, as at Abu-Simbel and Medinet-Abu. The character of Hittite art is solid, at times even heavy, but excellent in the portrayal of animal forms. The Hittites were also skilled lapidaries and carvers on ivory, as well as clever silversmiths, while their paintings of Egypt give a vivid idea of Hittite tactics in war. **Jewish Encyclopedia, Hittites, Richard Gottheil, Louis H. Gray. [https://www.jewishencyclopedia.com/articles/7774-hittites#:~:text=The%20Hittites'%20power%20and%20their,xvi.] *The Hittites as shown both on their own and on Egyptian monuments were clearly Mongoloid in type. They were short and stout, prognathous, and had rather receding foreheads. The cheek-bones were high, the nose was large and straight, forming almost a line with the forehead, and the upper lip protruded. They were yellow in color, with black hair and eyes, and were beardless, while according to the Egyptian paintings they wore their hair in pigtails, although this characteristic does not appear in the Hittite sculptures. They would seem to have come from the northeast of Mesopotamia, and to have worked south into Palestine and west into Asia Minor. **Jewish Encyclopedia, Hittites, Richard Gottheil, Louis H. Gray. [https://www.jewishencyclopedia.com/articles/7774-hittites#:~:text=The%20Hittites'%20power%20and%20their,xvi.] ==K== *The word Khatti, which means Hittite may possibly be connected with Sanskrit Kshatriya and Pali Khattiyo. **D.D. Kosabmi, The Culture and Civilization of Ancient India. 1965. Quoted in Karpasa, and Talageri : The Aryan Invasion Theory and Indian Nationalism (1993) ==L== *[The Larousse Encyclopedia of Mythology points out that nothing is known about the original Indo-European gods of the Hittites, with the sole exception of one god, Inar, whom the encyclopedia actually describes as] " a God who had come from India with the Indo-European Hittites." **Larousse Encyclopedia of Mythology quoted in Talageri, The Aryan Invasion Theory and Indian Nationalism (1993), p. 128 ==N== * The location of the Anatolian branch of IE (Hittite and its sisters) is a problem, or at least a puzzle, for IE homeland studies. The Anatolian languages are attested very early in Asia Minor, removed from Europe and far from the steppe; Gamkrelidze and Ivanov ... offer as a strength the ability of their proposed homelands to account for the location of Hittite with minimal migration. Alternatively or additionally, the location of Tocharian—attested in the early centuries AD well to the east of most IE territory in present-day Xinkiang (Chinese Turkestan)—is a problem or a puzzle... Accounting for the locations of both Hittite and Tocharian is usually presented, at least rhetorically, as a major problem. ** Johanna Nichols NICHOLS. 1998. The Eurasian spread zone and the Indo-European dispersal. in : Blench, R., & Spriggs, M. (2012). Archaeology and Language II: Archaeological Data and Linguistic Hypotheses. Hoboken: Taylor and Francis. ==S== *The Hittites were a people with yellow skins and ‘mongoloid’ features whose receding foreheads, oblique eyes, and protruding upper jaws, are represented as faithfully on their own monuments as they are on those of Egypt, so that we cannot accuse the Egyptian artists of caricaturing their enemies... <br> We have seen that the Hittites were a northern race. Their primitive home probably lay on the northern side of the Taurus. What they were like we can learn both from their own sculptures and from the Egyptian monuments, which agree most remarkably in the delineation of their features. The extraordinary resemblance between the Hittite faces drawn by the Egyptian artists and those depicted by themselves in their bas-reliefs and their hieroglyphs, is a convincing proof of the faithfulness of the Egyptian representations, as well as of the identity of the Hittites of the Egyptian inscriptions with the Hittites of Carchemish and Kappadokia.<br>It must be confessed that they were not a handsome people. They were short and thick of limb, and the front part of their faces was pushed forward in a curious and somewhat repulsive way. The forehead retreated, the cheek-bones were high, the nostrils were large, the upper lip protrusive. They had, in fact, according to the craniologists, the characteristics of a Mongoloid race. Like the Mongols, moreover, their skins were yellow and their eyes and hair were black. They arranged the hair in the form of a 'pig-tail,' which characterizes them on their own and the Egyptian monuments quite as much as their snow-shoes with upturned toes.<br>In Syria they doubtless mixed with the Semitic race, and the further south they advanced the more likely they were to become absorbed into the native population. **Archibald Sayce, “The Hittites, The Story of a forgotten Empire”, the Religious Tract Society, Piccadilly, 1890. pp. 15, 101 ==W== *The Hittites were from the earliest times exposed to the influence of other languages each of which had literary tradition… [They] were profoundly influenced by Mesopotamian culture as mediated through the peripheral Akkadian.. and by the contact with the Assyrian merchant colonies of the 19th and 18th centuries... The major cultural influence, at least in religion and cult came from Hurrian... [resulting in] the Hurrianization of the Hittite pantheon. **quoted in Kazanas, N. (2003). Final reply: Indo-Aryan migration debate. Journal of Indo-European studies, 31(1-2), 187-240. **Watkins C. 2001 How to kill a Dragon: Aspects of IE Poetics Oxford, OUP (1995). (1995: 52-53). == External links == {{wikipedia}} [[Category:Languages]] njagdw302llddbfm6l0l4dcmtdjthj5 0 277052 3778937 3690355 2025-07-15T00:24:31Z NicoScribe 2434343 + photo 3778937 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Mariama Bâ vers 1958 Unesco Domaine public.jpg|thumb|Portrait of Mariama Bâ]] '''[[w:Mariama Bâ|Mariama Bâ]]''' (April 17, 1929 – August 17, 1981) was a Senegalese author and feminist, whose two French-language novels were both translated into more than a dozen languages. == Quotes == === ''[[w:Scarlet Song|Scarlet Song]]'' (1981)=== * Whenever he felt himself beginning to fancy any girl, after the Ouleymatou experience, the memory of her mocking indifference and his own disillusionment had made him fiercely determined to nip any emotional attachment in the bud. * Ousmane Gueye, who had mistrusted all women, threw himself at the mercy of a woman, and a white woman at that. * Was he a possible partner for Mireille? Could he assume such a mutation. * A Toubab can’t be a proper daughter-in-law. She’ll only have eyes for her man. We’ll mean nothing to her. * We saw everything through the same eyes before we were married… But now we seem to be divided over everything. * Love knows no bounds, but sometimes society does. * The truth can be a harsh and cruel reality. * In the face of misogyny and injustice, the only hope is escape. * “Friendship has splendors that love knows not. It grows stronger when crossed, whereas obstacles kill love. Friendship resists time, which wearies and severs couples. It has heights unknown to love." * “The flavour of life is love. The salt of life is also love.” * “Each life has its share of heroism, an obscure heroism, born of abdication, of renunciation and acceptance under the merciless whip of fate.” * “The most humble of huts is pleasing when it is clean; the most luxurious setting offers no attraction if it is covered in dust.” * “Teachers – at kindergarten level, as at university level – form a noble army accomplishing daily feats, never praised, never decorated. An army without drums, without gleaming uniforms. This army, thwarting traps and snares, everywhere plants the flag of knowledge and morality.” * “Books saved you. Having become your refuge, they sustained you. The power of books, this marvelous invention of astute human intelligence. Various signs associated with sound: different sounds that form the word. Juxtaposition of words from which springs the idea, Thought, History, Science, Life. Sole instrument of interrelationships and of culture, unparalleled means of giving and receiving. Books knit generations together in the same continuing effort that leads to progress. They enabled you to better yourself. What society refused you, they granted.” ** [https://brittlepaper.com/2020/04/celebrating-mariama-ba-the-flavor-of-life-is-love/ Celebrating Mariama Bâ | “The Flavor of Life is Love”],April 17, 2020 by [https://brittlepaper.com/author/brittle-paper/ Brittle Paper] * “The word ‘happiness’ does indeed have meaning, doesn’t it? I shall go out in search of it.” * “A nervous breakdown waits around the corner for anyone who lets himself wallow in bitterness. Little by little, it takes over your whole being.” * “A woman must marry the man who loves her, but never the one she loves; that is the secret of lasting happiness.” * “Each life has its share of heroism, an obscure heroism, born of abdication, of renunciation and acceptance under the merciless whip of fate.” * “In a word, a man’s success depends on feminine support.” * “Try explaining to them that a working woman is no less responsible for her home. Try explaining to them that nothing is done if you do not step in, that you have to see to everything, do everything all over again: cleaning up, cooking, ironing. There are the children to be washed, the husband to be looked after. The working woman has a dual task, of which both halves, equally arduous, must be reconciled.” ** [https://forreadingaddicts.co.uk/quotes-from-mariama-ba-a-modern-muslim-woman/ Quotes from Mariama Bâ a Modern Muslim Woman] == [https://forreadingaddicts.co.uk/quotes-from-mariama-ba-a-modern-muslim-woman/ External links] == {{wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Bâ, Mariama}} [[Category:Novelists from Senegal]] [[Category:Women authors]] [[Category:Feminists]] [[Category:1929 births]] [[Category:1981 deaths]] [[Category:Women born in the 1920s]] [[Category:Women from Senegal]] d5r0yj7ifvavceb25bmzee5qym5t3t8 0 280412 3778683 3709395 2025-07-14T13:49:32Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Comedians]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778683 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Game Changer (game show)|Game Changer]]''''' is an American comedy panel game show on {{W|Dropout (media company)|Dropout}}, created and hosted by {{W|Sam Reich}}. The show follows players, typically three comedians, who participate in a new game every episode, with the players usually kept unaware of the premise and rules of the game beforehand. ==Quotes== *'''I've been here the whole time.''' **Last line of Reich's introduction at the beginning of each episode *The only way to learn is by playing, the only way to win is by learning, and the only way to begin is by beginning. **Last line of the explanation of the show's premise *There is no corner of my heart I would not turn over to the world for five points. **{{W|Brennan Lee Mulligan}}, episode 1, "Lie Detector" == External links == {{wikipedia}} [[Category:Game shows]] 2rswrm54vvv94gst8c86716uhsfeocw 0 280753 3778616 3717892 2025-07-14T12:50:15Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Activists]]; added [[Category:Women's rights activists]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778616 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Awa Thiam.jpg|thumb|Awa Thiam]] '''Awa Thiam''' was born 1950 and is a Senegalese politician, academic, writer, and activist. She serves as Senegal's Director of the National Center for Assistance and Training of Women under the Ministry of Women and Children. She is an advocate against female genital mutilation (FGM), which she speaks on in her 1978 book La Parole aux négresses (also published in English in 1986 as Black Sisters, Speak Out: Feminism and Oppression in Black Africa). She has a body of work published internationally, in both French and English. In 1982, she founded the Commission pour l'Abolition des Mutilations Sexuelles (CAMS, or Commission for the Abolition of Sexual Mutilation, in English), which fights for the abolition of FGM. == Quotes == * The European view point of exploitation of women in Europe compared to the African American women shows an inaccurate judgment. ** [https://www.bartleby.com/essay/Awa-Thiams-Arguement-Against-the-Statement-Rape-PKGSCGATC/] * Women must fight and realize the system that is controlling and denying them, that system is patriarchal and phallocratic. Many were unconscious whether to rebel against this system that exploits them or accept it and remained in slavery. So many women were confused on what they should do because if they rebel they were dehumanized and disposed of. ** [https://www.bartleby.com/essay/Awa-Thiams-Arguement-Against-the-Statement-Rape-PKGSCGATC/] * Phallocratic and patriarchy maintained sexual violence and controlled women. Their way of controlling was to rape, female genital mutilation, force marriage and polygamy. European did not succeed in wiping out the black African civilization. The mothers/ancestors of the country, they held on to their belief to keep African civilization alive. ** [https://www.bartleby.com/essay/Awa-Thiams-Arguement-Against-the-Statement-Rape-PKGSCGATC/] * In the phallocratic system European women and African women suffers oppression and exploitation by the capitalist as the male worker. Women also struggle wage on their own native land. Women and man fighting and bearing arms for the liberation of their country, only then they are seen to be equal as man. Women are capable just as men in assimilating skills of guerrilla warfare. ** [https://www.bartleby.com/essay/Awa-Thiams-Arguement-Against-the-Statement-Rape-PKGSCGATC/] * The European feminist imposed the false argument “Rape is to women what lynching is to Blacks”. Women in the text suffered from double domination and double enslavement by the colonial phallocratic. ** [https://www.bartleby.com/essay/Awa-Thiams-Arguement-Against-the-Statement-Rape-PKGSCGATC/] [[Category:Academics from Senegal]] [[Category:Politicians from Senegal]] [[Category:Authors from Senegal]] [[Category:Women's rights activists]] [[Category:1950 births]] [[Category:Living people]] 4uhz1qrr11cfz6l7oetakv5w42ksyrg 0 281846 3778628 3693568 2025-07-14T12:57:47Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Activists]]; added [[Category:Political activists]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778628 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[W:Sophia Williams-De Bruyn|Sophia Williams-De Bruyn]]''' (née Williams; born 1938) OMSS is a former South African anti-apartheid activist. She was the first recipient of the Women's Award for exceptional national service. She is the last living leader of the Women's March. == Quotes == *even in the apartheid times, although there was segregation, there was all these laws that restricted us from mixing with our own people, the group areas act was one of all these acts, influx control which controlled all our African people to come into the cities to work. So you had to have a permit to be allowed in to work, because the white people’s companies needed service, so they needed that, but they controlled it, is wasn’t a free access. **[https://www.saha.org.za/nonracialism/transcript_of_interview_with_sophie_williams_de_bruyn.htm] *And we believe in the same, and we should be calling it national core values, not the values of such a race or the values of another race, or another culture. All of us should have the same core values, believe in the right things, in the right ethics, in truth and honesty, and to raise our children to believe in them too. **[https://www.saha.org.za/nonracialism/transcript_of_interview_with_sophie_williams_de_bruyn.htm] *What we did then was have a common identity and a common ideology, a common goal. So it was with those qualities that we left here, and we just carried on as we worked together in South Africa, and worked together there. I remember our white compatriots that joined the freedom struggle in exile that were from home, that were keen really at home to do their part, and go into exile and carry forth the struggle, white comrades, young women and men. **[https://www.saha.org.za/nonracialism/transcript_of_interview_with_sophie_williams_de_bruyn.htm] *This democracy run by this government which is a liberated country, but nothing has changed. The forms are still like what is your race group. When I do fill out a form that I have to fill in, it’s like I get stuck, what do I say here? Because I don’t believe in putting myself in a box, and I say nothing in that that I have to fill in. So I don’t fill in anything in that box, I leave it. **[https://www.saha.org.za/nonracialism/transcript_of_interview_with_sophie_williams_de_bruyn.htm] *The country is bedeviled with a lot of issues. And you know you have hardly been recovering from the one blast, or controversy, then you when you turn around, there is another volley hitting you again, as the ANC. So I know they have been bedeviled by all these controversies. But I think they must set aside time now, and make time to foster non-racialism . **[https://www.saha.org.za/nonracialism/transcript_of_interview_with_sophie_williams_de_bruyn.htm] == External link == {{Wikipedia}} [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Women politicians]] [[Category:Women from South Africa]] [[Category:Political activists]] rpv1bumwtegmromjzyr8yzd898jycol 0 281931 3778632 3708780 2025-07-14T13:03:37Z Uncle Bash007 3112211 /* Quotes */ 3778632 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Rose Chibambo|Rose Lomathinda Chibambo]]''' (8 September 1928 – 12 January 2016) was a prominent politician in the [[w:British Empire|British]] Protectorate of [[w:Nyasaland|Nyasaland]] in the years leading up to independence as the state of [[w:Malawi|Malawi]] in 1964, and immediately after. [[File:MWK0200v.jpg|thumb|Rose Chibambo]] She organised Malawian women in their political fight against the British as a political force to be reckoned with alongside their menfolk in the push for independence. She was arrested on 23 March 1959, two days after giving birth to a girl, and taken to Zomba prison. Her fellow freedom fighters, including [[Hastings Banda]] were arrested earlier, on the morning of 3 March when governor [[w:Robert Perceval Armitage|Robert Armitage]] declared a state of emergency. After Malawi gained independence in 1964, Rose Chibambo was the first woman minister in the new cabinet. When she fell out with [[Hastings Banda]] she was forced into exile for thirty years, returning after the restoration of democracy. ==Quotes== * In most cases, our singing, like in the woman's league, we would take some of the songs sung in the villages, then we put in political words to suit the occasion... There wasn't any particular person at that time, that this was the one who composed those songs for us to sing. No, it was just general singing. Just as we are here. You could start a song, and our songs in most cases, our African songs, they are traditional. They are not difficult to sing. We could easily pick it up, and then we would all sing ** [https://books.google.com/books?id=2zlQMHQvUeQC&pg=PA30] * I had this feeling ... women should be part and parcel of the whole movement, even of running the country. Women should be involved in decision making. That was my aim. ** [https://books.google.com/books?id=2zlQMHQvUeQC&pg=PA30] * You know, we are the mothers. We are the ones who bring out children and these children are employed by Wenela [in South Africa] at that time. They go to Wenela and most of them die there. They don't come back alive. And then there's a lot of oppression. There's this thangata and with that federation, unfortunately for them, that time, they had already started removing people in the areas where they thought it was best for Europeans or it was best for farming ... They wanted to make room for Europeans to settle. I said, you can see all these things. Now, we are being removed in our rural areas. We are being pushed here and there. And the women understood. They said, oh yes, then we must do something. ** [https://books.google.com.ng/books?id=bu1C-5ySfBYC&pg=PA76&redir_esc=y#v=onepage&q&f=false] ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Chibambo, Rose}} [[Category:Politicians from Malawi]] [[Category:Women from Malawi]] [[Category:Women politicians]] [[Category:Political activists]] [[Category:Women activists]] [[Category:1928 births]] [[Category:2016 deaths]] [[Category:Women born in the 1920s]] a5c0zb7ke4xex50mmv4qwsedlhupgx7 0 282095 3778834 3617151 2025-07-14T20:01:41Z Uncle Bash007 3112211 /* Quotes */ 3778834 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Esther Mcheka Chilenje|Esther Mcheka Chilenje]]''' is a Malawian politician from the [[w:Democratic Progressive Party (Malawi)|Democratic Progressive Party]]. She was MP for [[w:Nsanje|Nsanje]] North from 2014 to 2021. == Quotes == * Obviously yes, as you are aware that in the history of Malawi, I was the only person who repeated the occupation of the office of the First Deputy Speaker, which I would say, I served for ten years. ** [https://malawi24.com/2024/01/31/i-didnt-ditch-dpp-out-of-frustration-mcheka-chilenje/] * As an experienced politician, I am passionate to save the people of my constituency including the nation of Malawi as a whole, and give the people all the attention, so that they get all the development and needs that they deserve. ** [https://malawi24.com/2024/01/31/i-didnt-ditch-dpp-out-of-frustration-mcheka-chilenje/] * I know for sure, as an experienced politician that was actually mentored by a veteran politician in Malawi that I am definitely going to bring a huge value to the Malawi Congress Party and its leadership, to help change the face of the Shire Valley, in its developmental projects and other needs. Hence, I will tirelessly continue to fight for the comeback of Dr. Chakwera and the MCP as a party, in order for the Shire Valley and Malawi as a whole, to enjoy the developmental activities and sound leadership that is being demonstrated by the State President’s governance. ** [https://malawi24.com/2024/01/31/i-didnt-ditch-dpp-out-of-frustration-mcheka-chilenje/] * People must realize that Nsanje North constituency is currently facing numerous challenges such as poor road network, floods, poor infrastructure; just to mention but a few. I would therefore want to work with the government, to bring sound development that the people of the constituency deserve. ** [https://malawi24.com/2024/01/31/i-didnt-ditch-dpp-out-of-frustration-mcheka-chilenje/] * Not necessarily ditch DPP, but the issue is that I have gone back home, as in the Malawian adage: “Mbalame ibwerera ku chisa.” People who follow politics in Malawi may recall that I came into politics in 2004, through the influence of the veteran politician, the late Hon Dr. Gwanda Chakuamba [MHSRIP]. He is the person who mentored me into politics, to take over his mantle as a Member of Parliament, in our Nsanje North Constituency. I can, without reservation, say that he intensively mentored me, and it must be understood that during the time of his mentorship, the late Chakuamba by was a dedicated member of the Malawi Congress Party [MCP], and also its Vice President, before he formed his ” Republican Party [RP]”. Therefore, I have just gone back home, where I belong. ** [https://malawi24.com/2024/01/31/i-didnt-ditch-dpp-out-of-frustration-mcheka-chilenje/] == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Chilenje, Esther Mcheka}} [[Category:Politicians from Malawi]] [[Category:Women from Malawi]] [[Category:Women politicians]] [[Category:Living people]] f3mdf8cb8rsu18uzkkbchmzk1lng9xf 0 282677 3778734 3696254 2025-07-14T15:20:13Z 160.72.80.178 /* On War and Morality (1989) */"Included quotation about nuclear war by the philosopher [[Robert L. Holmes]]"~~~~NHPL 3778734 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Robert L. Holmes|Robert L. Holmes]]''' ([[28 December]], [[1935]]) is a noted Professor Emeritus of Philosophy at the [[w:University of Rochester|University of Rochester]] and an internationally recognized lecturer on the topics of [[peace]] and [[nonviolence]]. As a specialist in [[ethics]] and [[political philosophy]], he has also made significant contributions to modern scholarly analysis on the topics of [[just war]], [[mutual assured destruction]], [[nonviolence]] and [[pacifism]]. == Quotes == ===''On War and Morality (1989)'' === * It is presumptively wrong to do violence to innocent persons. **[[w:Robert L. Holmes|Robert L. Holmes]], ''On War and Morality'' (1989) p. 44 * Plausible moral theory must have at its center a concern for the lives and well-being of persons. **[[w:Robert L. Holmes|Robert L. Holmes]], ''On War and Morality'' (1989) p. 24 * A necessary condition of the justifiable pursuit of ''any objectives'' in war by ''any means'' whatever.. is that one be justified in engaging in such killing and violence in the first place. **[[w:Robert L. Holmes|Robert L. Holmes]], ''On War and Morality'' (1989) p. 180 * We will never know whether there is a realistic moral alternative to violence unless we are willing to explore the potential of nonviolent action. **[[w:Robert L. Holmes|Robert L. Holmes]], ''On War and Morality'' (1989) p. 293 * It is not nuclear violence alone that is the threat to mankind. It is the willingness to kill our fellow human beings – the innocent as well as the noninnocent- for political ends. Unless we are willing to redirect our time, energy, and resources away from perfecting the means of mass destruction of whatever sort and into exploring nonviolent alternatives to war itself, our efforts to combat the threat of nuclear war are likely to be of no avail. (1989) Introduction p. 10 ** [[w:Robert L. Holmes|Robert L. Holmes]], ''On War and Morality'' [https://books.google.com/books?id=TBoABAAAQBAJ&q=Robert+L.+Holms#v=onepage&q=Robert%20L.%20Holms&f=false (1989)] Introduction p. 10 * What I mean by saying that war is wrong is not only that it is bad but that it ought not to be waged, that governments ought not to declare and fight wars, societies ought not to provide them with the means by which to do so, and individuals ought not to sanction, support and participate in wars. ** [[w:Robert L. Holmes|Robert L. Holmes]], ''On War and Morality'' [https://books.google.com/books?id=TBoABAAAQBAJ&q=Robert+L.+Holms#v=onepage&q=Robert%20L.%20Holms&f=false (1989)] p. 15 * The threat to retaliate massively in the event of a nuclear attack is not rationale...contrary to the usual wisdom, we have no good reason to believe that nuclear deterrence has worked in the past, or that if it has, it will continue to do so in the future...even if [[nuclear deterrence]] should be one hundred percent effective, it still increases the ''probability'' of nuclear war. ** [[w:Robert L. Holmes|Robert L. Holmes]], ''On War and Morality'' [https://books.google.com/books?id=TBoABAAAQBAJ&q=Robert+L.+Holms#v=onepage&q=Robert%20L.%20Holms&f=false (1989)] Introduction p. 18 ===''The Ethics of Nonviolence: Essays by Robert L. Holmes'' (2013) === * If one thinks of nonviolence as a way of life, then it works to the extent that one lives nonviolently and infuses everyday conduct with a nonviolent spirit...whether we act nonviolently, considerately, and respectfully of others in all that we do is within our control. Nonviolence in that sense cannot fail to work if we resolve to see that it works. **[[w:Robert L. Holmes|Robert L. Holmes]], ''The Ethics of Nonviolence: Essays by Robert L. Holmes,'' Editor: Predrag Cicovaki, [https://books.google.com/books?id=0XbHAgAAQBAJ&q=Robert+L.+Holms] (2013) p. xx * If a visitor from outer space were to come to know human beings on this earth .... at work and play, and without knowledge of human history or international affairs, what would he conclude? No doubt that virtually everyone values friendship, peace and happiness; ...If having observed all this the visitor were then told that a scheme had been proposed ... which for the present would require that people pour their wealth into the production of weapons of destruction, ... train their sons and daughters to kill and periodically send them off to slaughter..[and] that humans could improve their lot provided only that they do all of these things, he would ridicule the scheme as having not the slightest chance of success, and even less of being accepted by rational beings. Yet this is precisely what humankind has been led to accept in the case of war. It has proven willing to abandon virtually everything worth living for, to do things all agree are abhorrent, for reasons few understand, and for ends (such as peace) that history shows cannot be secured by these means. **[[w:Robert L. Holmes|Robert L. Holmes]], ''The Ethics of Nonviolence: Essays by Robert L. Holmes,'' Editor: Predrag Cicovaki, [https://books.google.com/books?id=0XbHAgAAQBAJ&q=Robert+L.+Holms] (2013) Chapter 9 - "War, Power and Nonviolence" p. 143-144 === ''Pacifism: A Philosophy of Nonviolence (2017)'' === * To be a pragmatic pacifist, one need only consider that large-scale, organized, and systemic war violence is unacceptable in today's world. **[[w:Robert L. Holmes|Robert L. Holmes]], ''Pacifism: A Philosophy of Nonviolence,'' in the book review by Cheyney Ryan, [[Oxford University]] (2017) * By focusing on the entitlements of collectivities (notably nation states) as opposed to the well-being of individuals, the [[just war theory]] frames a rationale for [[war]] which omits the central moral issue...whether the massive, systematic and deliberate killing of human beings can ever be justified. **[[w:Robert L. Holmes|Robert L. Holmes]], ''Pacifism: A Philosophy of Nonviolence,'' (2017) p. xvii == Bibliography == * [https://books.google.com/books?id=TBoABAAAQBAJ&q=Robert+L.+Holms ''On War and Morality''], Princeton University Press, New Jersey, 1989. ISBN 978-1-4008-6014-2; quoted on Google Books. * [https://books.google.com/books?id=0XbHAgAAQBAJ&q=Robert+L.+Holms ''The Ethics of Nonviolence: Essays by Robert L. Holmes'']. Ed. Predrag, Cicovaki. Bloomsbury, 2013 ISBN 978-1-6235-6580-0 quoted on Google Books * [https://ndpr.nd.edu/reviews/pacificism-a-philosophy-of-nonviolence/ ''Pacifism: A Philosophy of Nonviolence''], Bloomsbury, New York, 2016 pp. 265-266. ISBN 978-1-4712-7983-3; See the review of the book by Cheyney Ryan, Oxford University 2017 in "Notre Dame Philosophical Reviews", quoted on ''ndpr.nd.edu''. == External links == {{wikipedia}} * [https://scholar.google.com/scholar?hl=en&as_sdt=0%2C33&q=Robert+L.+Holmes&btnG= Robert L. Holmes' publications on Google Scholar] * [https://philpapers.org/s/Robert%20Holmes Robert L. Holmes' publications on Philpapers.org] * [https://www.worldcat.org/search?q=Robert+L.+Holmes&dblist=638&fq=ap%3A%22holmes+robert+l%22&qt=facet_ap%3A ''Robert L. Holmes'' on worldcat.org] * [https://openlibrary.org/authors/OL398570A/Robert_L._Holmes Robert L. Holmes - publications on McMillan's openlibrary.org] * [https://books.google.com/books?id=BxH7CAAAQBAJ&q=Robert+L.+Holms ''Basic Moral Philosophy'' by Robert L. Holmes on books.google.com] * [https://books.google.com/books?id=TBoABAAAQBAJ&q=Robert+L.+Holms ''On War and Morality'' by Robert L. Holmes on books.google.com] * [https://books.google.com/books?id=0XbHAgAAQBAJ&q=Robert+L.+Holms ''The Ethics of Nonviolence - Essays by Robert L. Holmes'' Editor: Predrag Cicovacki on books.google.com] * [https://books.google.com/books?id=a6BIDwAAQBAJ&q=Robert+L.+Holms ''Introduction to Applied Ethics'' by Robert L.Holmes on books.google.com] * [https://books.google.com/books?id=SWg9hOtdzIIC&q=Robert+Holmes ''Kant's Legacy: Essays in Honor of Lewis White Beck'' Editor: Predrag Cicovacki. Contributor: Robert L. Holmes -"Consequentialism and its Consequences" on books.google.com] * [https://books.google.com/books?id=ky6itexKzWcC&q=%22Robert+L.+Holmes%22+-wikipedia ''The Augustinian Tradition'' Editor: Gareth B. Matthews. Contributor: Robert L. Holmes - "St. Augustine and the Just War Theory" on books.google.com] {{Authority control}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Holmes, Robert L.}} [[Category:Academics from the United States]] [[Category:Harvard University alumni]] [[Category:Philosophers from the United States]] [[Category:Essayists from the United States]] [[Category:Non-fiction authors from the United States]] [[Category:Pacifists]] [[Category:1935 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Peace]] [[Category:People from New York (state)]] hwgk4oa0407qfvh2fxocyyhpqcjjbrf 3778736 3778734 2025-07-14T15:27:45Z 160.72.80.178 /* On War and Morality (1989) */ "Cleanuo of duplicate text"~~~~NHPL 3778736 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Robert L. Holmes|Robert L. Holmes]]''' ([[28 December]], [[1935]]) is a noted Professor Emeritus of Philosophy at the [[w:University of Rochester|University of Rochester]] and an internationally recognized lecturer on the topics of [[peace]] and [[nonviolence]]. As a specialist in [[ethics]] and [[political philosophy]], he has also made significant contributions to modern scholarly analysis on the topics of [[just war]], [[mutual assured destruction]], [[nonviolence]] and [[pacifism]]. == Quotes == ===''On War and Morality (1989)'' === * It is presumptively wrong to do violence to innocent persons. **[[w:Robert L. Holmes|Robert L. Holmes]], ''On War and Morality'' (1989) p. 44 * Plausible moral theory must have at its center a concern for the lives and well-being of persons. **[[w:Robert L. Holmes|Robert L. Holmes]], ''On War and Morality'' (1989) p. 24 * A necessary condition of the justifiable pursuit of ''any objectives'' in war by ''any means'' whatever.. is that one be justified in engaging in such killing and violence in the first place. **[[w:Robert L. Holmes|Robert L. Holmes]], ''On War and Morality'' (1989) p. 180 * We will never know whether there is a realistic moral alternative to violence unless we are willing to explore the potential of nonviolent action. **[[w:Robert L. Holmes|Robert L. Holmes]], ''On War and Morality'' (1989) p. 293 * It is not nuclear violence alone that is the threat to mankind. It is the willingness to kill our fellow human beings – the innocent as well as the noninnocent- for political ends. Unless we are willing to redirect our time, energy, and resources away from perfecting the means of mass destruction of whatever sort and into exploring nonviolent alternatives to war itself, our efforts to combat the threat of nuclear war are likely to be of no avail. ** [[w:Robert L. Holmes|Robert L. Holmes]], ''On War and Morality'' [https://books.google.com/books?id=TBoABAAAQBAJ&q=Robert+L.+Holms#v=onepage&q=Robert%20L.%20Holms&f=false (1989)] Introduction p. 10 * What I mean by saying that war is wrong is not only that it is bad but that it ought not to be waged, that governments ought not to declare and fight wars, societies ought not to provide them with the means by which to do so, and individuals ought not to sanction, support and participate in wars. ** [[w:Robert L. Holmes|Robert L. Holmes]], ''On War and Morality'' [https://books.google.com/books?id=TBoABAAAQBAJ&q=Robert+L.+Holms#v=onepage&q=Robert%20L.%20Holms&f=false (1989)] p. 15 * The threat to retaliate massively in the event of a nuclear attack is not rationale...contrary to the usual wisdom, we have no good reason to believe that nuclear deterrence has worked in the past, or that if it has, it will continue to do so in the future...even if [[nuclear deterrence]] should be one hundred percent effective, it still increases the ''probability'' of nuclear war. ** [[w:Robert L. Holmes|Robert L. Holmes]], ''On War and Morality'' [https://books.google.com/books?id=TBoABAAAQBAJ&q=Robert+L.+Holms#v=onepage&q=Robert%20L.%20Holms&f=false (1989)] Introduction p. 18 ===''The Ethics of Nonviolence: Essays by Robert L. Holmes'' (2013) === * If one thinks of nonviolence as a way of life, then it works to the extent that one lives nonviolently and infuses everyday conduct with a nonviolent spirit...whether we act nonviolently, considerately, and respectfully of others in all that we do is within our control. Nonviolence in that sense cannot fail to work if we resolve to see that it works. **[[w:Robert L. Holmes|Robert L. Holmes]], ''The Ethics of Nonviolence: Essays by Robert L. Holmes,'' Editor: Predrag Cicovaki, [https://books.google.com/books?id=0XbHAgAAQBAJ&q=Robert+L.+Holms] (2013) p. xx * If a visitor from outer space were to come to know human beings on this earth .... at work and play, and without knowledge of human history or international affairs, what would he conclude? No doubt that virtually everyone values friendship, peace and happiness; ...If having observed all this the visitor were then told that a scheme had been proposed ... which for the present would require that people pour their wealth into the production of weapons of destruction, ... train their sons and daughters to kill and periodically send them off to slaughter..[and] that humans could improve their lot provided only that they do all of these things, he would ridicule the scheme as having not the slightest chance of success, and even less of being accepted by rational beings. Yet this is precisely what humankind has been led to accept in the case of war. It has proven willing to abandon virtually everything worth living for, to do things all agree are abhorrent, for reasons few understand, and for ends (such as peace) that history shows cannot be secured by these means. **[[w:Robert L. Holmes|Robert L. Holmes]], ''The Ethics of Nonviolence: Essays by Robert L. Holmes,'' Editor: Predrag Cicovaki, [https://books.google.com/books?id=0XbHAgAAQBAJ&q=Robert+L.+Holms] (2013) Chapter 9 - "War, Power and Nonviolence" p. 143-144 === ''Pacifism: A Philosophy of Nonviolence (2017)'' === * To be a pragmatic pacifist, one need only consider that large-scale, organized, and systemic war violence is unacceptable in today's world. **[[w:Robert L. Holmes|Robert L. Holmes]], ''Pacifism: A Philosophy of Nonviolence,'' in the book review by Cheyney Ryan, [[Oxford University]] (2017) * By focusing on the entitlements of collectivities (notably nation states) as opposed to the well-being of individuals, the [[just war theory]] frames a rationale for [[war]] which omits the central moral issue...whether the massive, systematic and deliberate killing of human beings can ever be justified. **[[w:Robert L. Holmes|Robert L. Holmes]], ''Pacifism: A Philosophy of Nonviolence,'' (2017) p. xvii == Bibliography == * [https://books.google.com/books?id=TBoABAAAQBAJ&q=Robert+L.+Holms ''On War and Morality''], Princeton University Press, New Jersey, 1989. ISBN 978-1-4008-6014-2; quoted on Google Books. * [https://books.google.com/books?id=0XbHAgAAQBAJ&q=Robert+L.+Holms ''The Ethics of Nonviolence: Essays by Robert L. Holmes'']. Ed. Predrag, Cicovaki. Bloomsbury, 2013 ISBN 978-1-6235-6580-0 quoted on Google Books * [https://ndpr.nd.edu/reviews/pacificism-a-philosophy-of-nonviolence/ ''Pacifism: A Philosophy of Nonviolence''], Bloomsbury, New York, 2016 pp. 265-266. ISBN 978-1-4712-7983-3; See the review of the book by Cheyney Ryan, Oxford University 2017 in "Notre Dame Philosophical Reviews", quoted on ''ndpr.nd.edu''. == External links == {{wikipedia}} * [https://scholar.google.com/scholar?hl=en&as_sdt=0%2C33&q=Robert+L.+Holmes&btnG= Robert L. Holmes' publications on Google Scholar] * [https://philpapers.org/s/Robert%20Holmes Robert L. Holmes' publications on Philpapers.org] * [https://www.worldcat.org/search?q=Robert+L.+Holmes&dblist=638&fq=ap%3A%22holmes+robert+l%22&qt=facet_ap%3A ''Robert L. Holmes'' on worldcat.org] * [https://openlibrary.org/authors/OL398570A/Robert_L._Holmes Robert L. Holmes - publications on McMillan's openlibrary.org] * [https://books.google.com/books?id=BxH7CAAAQBAJ&q=Robert+L.+Holms ''Basic Moral Philosophy'' by Robert L. Holmes on books.google.com] * [https://books.google.com/books?id=TBoABAAAQBAJ&q=Robert+L.+Holms ''On War and Morality'' by Robert L. Holmes on books.google.com] * [https://books.google.com/books?id=0XbHAgAAQBAJ&q=Robert+L.+Holms ''The Ethics of Nonviolence - Essays by Robert L. Holmes'' Editor: Predrag Cicovacki on books.google.com] * [https://books.google.com/books?id=a6BIDwAAQBAJ&q=Robert+L.+Holms ''Introduction to Applied Ethics'' by Robert L.Holmes on books.google.com] * [https://books.google.com/books?id=SWg9hOtdzIIC&q=Robert+Holmes ''Kant's Legacy: Essays in Honor of Lewis White Beck'' Editor: Predrag Cicovacki. Contributor: Robert L. Holmes -"Consequentialism and its Consequences" on books.google.com] * [https://books.google.com/books?id=ky6itexKzWcC&q=%22Robert+L.+Holmes%22+-wikipedia ''The Augustinian Tradition'' Editor: Gareth B. Matthews. Contributor: Robert L. Holmes - "St. Augustine and the Just War Theory" on books.google.com] {{Authority control}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Holmes, Robert L.}} [[Category:Academics from the United States]] [[Category:Harvard University alumni]] [[Category:Philosophers from the United States]] [[Category:Essayists from the United States]] [[Category:Non-fiction authors from the United States]] [[Category:Pacifists]] [[Category:1935 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Peace]] [[Category:People from New York (state)]] r8md0pp4mdw4zybfg3mijibbu7u37l5 0 282691 3778903 3776235 2025-07-14T22:27:11Z 2600:1004:B0AB:49BD:DC4D:D333:6094:3C75 /* External links */ 3778903 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''{{w|Moana 2}}''''' is a 2024 American 3D computer-animated musical adventure direct-to-video film produced by [[w:DisneyToon Studios|DisneyToon Studios]] and released by [[w:Walt Disney Pictures|Walt Disney Pictures]]. A sequel to ''[[Moana (2016 film)|Moana]]'', it follows Moana as she receives an unexpected call from her wayfinding ancestors and forms her own crew, reuniting with her friend, the demigod Maui. As they journey to the far seas of Oceania to break the villainous god Nalo's curse on the hidden island of Motufetu, which once connected the people of the ocean, they confront old and new foes, including the Kakamora and underworld goddess Matangi. :''Directed by Jason Hand, Dana Ledoux Miller and {{w|David Derrick Jr.}}. Screenplay by {{w|Jared Bush}} and Dana Ledoux Miller. Story by Jared Bush, Dana Ledoux Miller and Bek Smith. Songs by {{w|Abigail Barlow}}, {{w|Emily Bear}}, {{w|Opetaia Foaʻi}} and {{w|Mark Mancina}}. Score by Mark Mancina.'' {{film-stub}} ==Moana== * Before Maui stole Te Fiti's heart, our ancestors wanted to connect our island to all the people of the entire ocean. It's my job as a Wayfinder to finish what they started. * There are other people out there. It is my job to reconnect us all. * ''[to Pua]'' You wanted to come this time. * You might wanna hold on. * Hey, ocean. If you're telling me to change course, a little thumbs up would be super awesome. * Bring it on, coco… ''[gets hit with blow darts by Kotu]'' …nuts. * Maui and Moana, together again! We are so amazing! * This is bigger than all of us. * ''[screaming]'' '''''MAUI!!!!!''''' * They want to end our story. We're not letting that happen. ==Maui== * Can I get a Chee-hoo? * Well, now I kinda miss the lava monster. * ''[from trailer]'' Boat snack! ''[Pua lands in his arms]'' Boat snack upgrade! Bacon ''and'' eggs? Why didn't you bring the pig last time? * Is something distracting you? * This is not the end of our story. Together, we rise as one! Together, we take our freedom! * You wanna go through it? You just gotta cheehoo it. ==Dialogue== :<div align="justify">'''Moana''': It's not like last time.</div> :<div align="justify">'''Gramma Tala''': Last time, you weren't old enough to understand all you could lose or learn. But here we are. Together still, just a little different. I can't see where your story leads, but we never stop choosing who we are.</div> ==Cast== * {{w|Auli'i Cravalho}} — [[w:Moana (character)|Moana]] * [[Dwayne Johnson]] — [[w:Maui (Moana)|Maui]] * {{w|Rose Matafeo}} — Loto * {{w|David Fane}} — Kele * Hualālai Chung — Moni * Awhimai Fraser — Matangi * Khaleesi Lambert-Tsuda — Simea * {{w|Temuera Morrison}} — Chief Tui * {{w|Nicole Scherzinger}} — Sina * [[w:Rachel House (actress)|Rachel House]] — Gramma Tala * Gerald Ramsey — Tautai Vasa * {{w|Alan Tudyk}} — Heihei the Rooster * [[Frank Welker]] — Pua the Pig, Kakamora, Kotu, Bua the Pig, Blobfish, Peka * {{w|Tofiga Fepulea'i}} — Nalo * {{w|Jemaine Clement}} — Tamatoa * Tiana & Jasmine Johnson — Moanabes ==External links== {{Wikipedia|Moana 2}} * {{IMDb title|id=13622970|title=Moana 2}} {{Authority control}} {{Walt Disney Animation Studios}} [[Category:Moana (franchise)]] [[Category:2024 computer-animated films]] [[Category:2024 American animated films]] [[Category:American computer-animated films]] [[Category:American 3D animated direct-to-videos]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure films]] [[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]] [[Category:American children's animated musical films]] [[Category:Coming-of-age films]] [[Category:Seafaring films]] [[Category:Animated films set in Oceania]] [[Category:Animated films about pigs]] [[Category:Films about chickens]] [[Category:Films about bats]] [[Category:Animated films about sisters]] [[Category:Works about women]] [[Category:American sequel films]] [[Category:Films about princesses]] [[Category:Animated films about shapeshifting]] [[Category:Animated films set on oceans]] [[Category:Disney Princess films]] [[Category:Animated films about revenge]] akpvhpv1nrigzpsi7cxxlkwhxgkhcu8 0 282761 3778856 3776797 2025-07-14T20:40:58Z 148.252.145.17 /* Satellite Swindle */ 3778856 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''Seasons''': [[Sonic X (season 1)|1]] / [[Sonic X (season 2)|2]] / [[Sonic X (season 3)|3]] | [[Sonic X|Main]] ---------------- The following is a list of quotes from the first season of '''''[[Sonic X]]'''''. ==New World Saga== ===Chaos Control Freaks=== :'''Dr. Eggman''': You'll never stop me now, Sonic! All I have to do is to push this little button. :'''Sonic the Hedgehog''': Yeah, if you can push it before I grab it. <hr width=50%> :'''Sonic the Hedgehog''': Darn it. This is no time to be passing out. <hr width=50%> :'''Truck driver''': What is this, '''[[w:Halloween|Halloween]]'''?! :'''Sonic''': So they can talk... :'''Police officer #1''': What is that thing? :'''Police officer #2''': Looks like a big hedgehog. :'''Police officer #1''': A blue hedgehog? :'''Police officer #2''': Well, whatever it is, we better get it out of here. Hey, buddy, want to ride with us down to the station? :'''Police officer #1''': Should I call for backup? :'''Police officer #2''': I have three kitty cats at home. I think I can handle this little fella. ''[Sonic folds his arms and frowns]'' :'''Police officer #1''': Did you see that? That thing's got an '''[[w:Attitude (psychology)|attitude]]'''. A bad one. :'''Police officer #2''': Yeah? Well, He won't get away from me! ''[lunges at Sonic but Sonic dodges]'' :'''Police officer #1''': ''[drawing his truncheon]'' Why, you little-- :'''Sergeant''': ''[in slight German accent]'' Take it easy. I think we can handle this without getting rough. Duffy, get behind him. :'''Duffy''': Right, Sarge. :'''Sergeant''': Okay Now, when I say the word, we're all going to jump into him at once. Alright then, is everybody ready? '''LET'S DO IT!''' ''[The sergeant and 3 policemen jump at Sonic]'' :'''Police officer #3''': Okay, Sarge, I think I got his leg! :'''Police officer #2''': I got 'em round the neck, Sarge! :'''Sergeant''': Alright, let's put him out at the count to 3. 1, 2, 3! ''[the officers all pull, and fall over. They were in fact holding onto themselves; Sonic had dodged and was now sitting atop a patrol car, wondering what was going on. Suddenly he is enclosed in a butterfly net]'' :'''All''': Aah, aah, aah! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! :'''Police officer #4''': Don't worry, Sarge! I got him! ''[Sonic races off, pulling Policeman 2 along with him. The other policemen grab the net, but Sonic is too fast. He jumps over another patrol car, with its door open, but the policemen are bundled inside]'' :'''Sergeant''': Attention, all units! Attention, all units! There is a blue hedgehog headed north on Central Street, towards the on-ramp to 101. ''[cuts to 2 policemen driving]'' :'''Police officer #5''': I've never heard of a blue hedgehog before, have you? :'''Police officer #6''': It must be one of those fancy new sports cars from overseas. Hey, if we catch it, maybe the captain will let us drive it! :'''Police officer #5''': I bet it has one of those cute little hood ornaments that looks like a hedgehog. ''[Sonic lands on the bonnet of the car, in a pose reminiscent of a hood ornament]'' :'''Sonic''': ''[looking at the camera]'' I don't know how I got here, but I gotta find a way to get out. ''[jumps off the bonnet and races off, leaving the policemen dumbfounded]'' :'''Police officer #6''': Hey, Did you see... what I just saw? :'''Police officer #5''': I think I did, but I wish I didn't. <hr width=50%> :'''Boy''': My name's Christopher. Do you have a name? :'''Sonic''': Yeah, I have a name. My name is Sonic the Hedgehog. ===Sonic to the Rescue=== <hr width80%> :'''Chris''': My name's Christopher. Sonic landed in our swimming pool last night and I dove in and saved him. :'''Tails''': My name's Tails and I'm Sonic's very best buddy! Right, Sonic? :'''Sonic''': Correct. :'''Cream''': My name is Cream and this is my very special Chao friend, Cheese. Thanks for having us. :'''Chris''': It's very nice to meet all of you. I have a feeling that we are going to become really good friends. Oh, and this is my grandfather. :'''Chuck''': Extraordinary. Tiny, radio-controlled airplanes. Extraordinary. :'''Tails''': We got lots of neat gadgets. :'''Chris''': Listen, Sonic! This isn't some game we're playing, you know. You could've gotten all of us thrown in jail! :'''Sonic''': Maybe I could, but I didn't, did I? :'''Chris''': Couldn't you try to be more careful? :'''Chuck''': This is an amazing piece of equipment. It goes beyond anything I have ever seen. How did you develop it? :'''Tails''': It's nothing special. Not in the world we come from. :'''Chuck''': And where is exactly that world, Tails? :'''Tails''': Beats me, but I think we got here through a warp in time and space. :'''Chuck''': Hmm, very interesting. Not very helpful, but interesting. :'''Tails''': I just thought of something. If you and me and Cream and Cheese are here, maybe the others got here too. :'''Sonic''': You might be right about that, Tails, and if you are, that means, maybe... :''[A flashback of Eggman from the first episode of him holding the red Chaos Emerald appears.]'' :'''Sonic, Tails and Cream''': Eggman's here too! ===Missile Wrist Rampage=== ===Chaos Emerald Chaos=== ===Cracking Knuckles=== :'''Sonic''': Oh! What a great view! ===Techno-Teacher=== :'''Stewart''': ''[watching Chris heading back home]'' You know, maybe there's more of being a school teacher than passing out homework taking absent class. ''[eats the officer's hamburger and the officer appears behind him tapping his baton on his left palm]'' :'''Officer''': Enjoying my burger bub?! ''[Stewart turns around and sees him and runs off with the burger on his mouth and the officer chases after him]'' Hey, get back here! Stop, chewing you thief! One more nible, I'll call out the SWAT team! ===Party Hardly=== :'''Amy''': ''[Cream and Cheese glee in excitement.]'' Huh? That sounds like Cream and Cheese outside! :''[Amy and Tails watching Cream picking up some flowers]'' :'''Tails''': I wonder what she's doing out there, Amy. :'''Amy''': I bet Cream's out there gathering some flowers. :'''Sonic''': Huh? :'''Tails''': She knows we're supposed to stay inside while Chris is at school. What's so important about going outside to pick flowers? Oh... :''[Flashback starts and Cream is picking flowers in the field while humming.]'' :'''Tails''': Hi, Cream! What are you doing there? :'''Cream''': I'm gonna surprise my mom by making her a crown out of flowers! :''[Flashback ends]'' :'''Tails''': I guess she misses her mom. :'''Amy''': Of course she is. I just wish… I just wish we can do something to cheer her up. <hr width80%> :'''Lindsey''': Please forgive me, Christopher. ''[sobbing]'' <hr width80%> :''[When Tails and Amy showed up Chris, Chuck, Ella and Sam saw them]'' :'''Tails''': Cream! :'''Amy''': Come here, Cream! :''[They are soon out of sight.]'' :'''Ella''': I'm seeing more of them now! <hr width80%> :''[Sonic went to Chris' room, he opens the door and sees Chris, with a glum expression, sitting on his bed.]'' :'''Sonic''': What’s wrong? Why are you sad? :'''Chris''': I didn't mean it when I complained about my mom missing the party, but Cream got really angry. I didn't even think about how bad she misses her mother. I... just hope she doesn't stay mad at me. :'''Sonic''': Don't worry, it'll be okay. ===Satellite Swindle=== :'''Amy''': Hey, Ella, maybe Sonic would like some pie. :'''Tails''': ''[licks his lips]'' He can have the other one. :'''Amy''': ''[to Tails]'' No, you don't! That pie is for Sonic! :'''Tails''': No, Amy! :''[Amy grabs the dish which tosses Tails into the television. The television receives static.]'' :'''Cream''': Tails, you broke our TV. :'''Tails''': I'm sorry... ===The Last Resort=== <hr width80%> :'''Amy''': '''SONIC, WHERE ARE YOU?!!!''' <hr width80%> :'''Tails''': AMY, WAIT! :'''Amy''': '''LET HIM GO!!''' <hr width80%> :'''Eggman''': HOW COULD YOU! :'''Amy''': Keep your rotten robots away from my Sonic or you’re gonna be sorry! <hr width80%> :'''Amy''': Sonic! ''[hugging Sonic]'' :'''Sonic''': Woah! Lighten up, Amy, ugh! :'''Eggman''': You won this time, but I'm not through! :'''Sonic''': Yeah, right! ''[Eggman flies away]'' What you did was crazy. :'''Amy''': I know, but you make me do crazy things. <hr width80%> :'''Amy''': ''[cries]'' I guess my charm... wasn't so lucky... ''[Cries and then grows into anger]'' :'''Eggman''': Alright, Serpenter, you know what to do! Put the squeeze on Sonic and then toss him out to sea! :'''Amy''': '''AHHHHH! NOW YOU'RE GONNA PAY!''' :'''Eggman''': Huh? :'''Sonic''': Huh? :'''Amy''': '''DON’T MESS WITH ME!''' <hr width80%> :'''Sonic''': AMY! ===Unfair Ball=== ===Fly Spy=== ===Beating Eggman=== ====Part I==== ====Part II==== :'''Sonic''': Talk about hopeless. ''[He begins to break free of Guerra-Hard's grip. to Eggman]'' How foolish are you to set a time bomb and get locked into the same room? :''[He eventually breaks free of E-18's grip, angering his arch-nemesis.]'' :'''Eggman''': Sonic! ''[Sonic lands on the ground and charges towards E-18 Guerra-Hard.]'' Don't you ever learn? :'''Sonic''': ''[over a set of gray-blue speed lines]'' Whatever! :''[Guerra-Hard attempts to kick Sonic, but misses as the Blue Blur leaps up.]'' :'''Eggman''': What? ''[Sonic lands on E-18's leg and climbs up by running, then lunges towards its torso to claim the two Chaos Emeralds from the mad scientist over another set of blue speed lines.]'' N-no way! :''[Sonic eventually makes impact and pierces through the middle and takes the two stolen Emeralds away from Eggman, who looks on in fear.]'' :'''Sonic''': Yahoo! :'''Eggman''': Oh no! ''[The two Chaos Emeralds start glowing as they power Sonic up, and he charges towards E-18 and pierces through its back as the Overlander screams in terror as the hedgehog lands rapid blows on Guerra-Hard, tearing it up before smashing through the doors as E-18 Guerra-Hard emits sparks as it begins to explode, forcing the mad scientist to retreat as his robot, as well as his base, are about to be destroyed at the hands of the heroes of Mobius and Earth alike.]'' I'm done for! :''[He flies off as Guerra-Hard glows before exploding violently. Sonic then starts tearing up Eggman's base from the outside.]'' ==Chaos Emerald Saga== ===That's What Friends are For=== ===Skirmish in the Sky=== ===Depths of Danger=== :'''Amy''': ''[takes a look at her passport ID and becomes angry at the photo she just looked at]'' I look terrible! :'''Tanaka''': Really? :'''Chris''': You do? :'''Cream''': Let me see. :'''Cheese''': Chao. :'''Amy''': Why did they have to use this picture?! I look like a lunatic! :'''Tanaka''': Now now, Ms. Amy, I wouldn't exactly say it makes you look like a lunatic... exactly. :'''Amy''': It makes me look like an insane, off-the-wall, out-of-control maniac! '''''I HATE IT!!!''''' ===The Adventures of Knuckles & Hawk=== ===The Dam Scam=== :'''Tails''': Listen up, you losers! You're just a bunch of wimps! You deserve to lose your home! ===Sonic's Scream Test=== ===Cruise Blues=== ===Fast Friends=== ===Little Chao Lost=== ===Emerald Anniversary=== ===How to Catch a Hedgehog=== ===A Dastardly Deed=== :'''Chris''': What do you think you're doing, Eggman?! :'''Eggman''': Wise up! You didn't really believe that I was homesick like your loser friends, did you? The only thing I care about is establishing the Eggman Empire. I can do that on my planet, or yours. It makes no difference to me. ===Countdown to Chaos=== ==External links== {{wikipedia|Sonic X (season 1)}} {{Sonic the Hedgehog}} [[Category:Sonic X seasons]] [[Category:Children's television seasons]] 3rvu812n1xboq11rhc9wj38pxww39xj 3778886 3778856 2025-07-14T21:34:50Z 2001:8003:DD49:F700:7CE2:F3C:CD2C:140C /* Party Hardly */ 3778886 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''Seasons''': [[Sonic X (season 1)|1]] / [[Sonic X (season 2)|2]] / [[Sonic X (season 3)|3]] | [[Sonic X|Main]] ---------------- The following is a list of quotes from the first season of '''''[[Sonic X]]'''''. ==New World Saga== ===Chaos Control Freaks=== :'''Dr. Eggman''': You'll never stop me now, Sonic! All I have to do is to push this little button. :'''Sonic the Hedgehog''': Yeah, if you can push it before I grab it. <hr width=50%> :'''Sonic the Hedgehog''': Darn it. This is no time to be passing out. <hr width=50%> :'''Truck driver''': What is this, '''[[w:Halloween|Halloween]]'''?! :'''Sonic''': So they can talk... :'''Police officer #1''': What is that thing? :'''Police officer #2''': Looks like a big hedgehog. :'''Police officer #1''': A blue hedgehog? :'''Police officer #2''': Well, whatever it is, we better get it out of here. Hey, buddy, want to ride with us down to the station? :'''Police officer #1''': Should I call for backup? :'''Police officer #2''': I have three kitty cats at home. I think I can handle this little fella. ''[Sonic folds his arms and frowns]'' :'''Police officer #1''': Did you see that? That thing's got an '''[[w:Attitude (psychology)|attitude]]'''. A bad one. :'''Police officer #2''': Yeah? Well, He won't get away from me! ''[lunges at Sonic but Sonic dodges]'' :'''Police officer #1''': ''[drawing his truncheon]'' Why, you little-- :'''Sergeant''': ''[in slight German accent]'' Take it easy. I think we can handle this without getting rough. Duffy, get behind him. :'''Duffy''': Right, Sarge. :'''Sergeant''': Okay Now, when I say the word, we're all going to jump into him at once. Alright then, is everybody ready? '''LET'S DO IT!''' ''[The sergeant and 3 policemen jump at Sonic]'' :'''Police officer #3''': Okay, Sarge, I think I got his leg! :'''Police officer #2''': I got 'em round the neck, Sarge! :'''Sergeant''': Alright, let's put him out at the count to 3. 1, 2, 3! ''[the officers all pull, and fall over. They were in fact holding onto themselves; Sonic had dodged and was now sitting atop a patrol car, wondering what was going on. Suddenly he is enclosed in a butterfly net]'' :'''All''': Aah, aah, aah! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! :'''Police officer #4''': Don't worry, Sarge! I got him! ''[Sonic races off, pulling Policeman 2 along with him. The other policemen grab the net, but Sonic is too fast. He jumps over another patrol car, with its door open, but the policemen are bundled inside]'' :'''Sergeant''': Attention, all units! Attention, all units! There is a blue hedgehog headed north on Central Street, towards the on-ramp to 101. ''[cuts to 2 policemen driving]'' :'''Police officer #5''': I've never heard of a blue hedgehog before, have you? :'''Police officer #6''': It must be one of those fancy new sports cars from overseas. Hey, if we catch it, maybe the captain will let us drive it! :'''Police officer #5''': I bet it has one of those cute little hood ornaments that looks like a hedgehog. ''[Sonic lands on the bonnet of the car, in a pose reminiscent of a hood ornament]'' :'''Sonic''': ''[looking at the camera]'' I don't know how I got here, but I gotta find a way to get out. ''[jumps off the bonnet and races off, leaving the policemen dumbfounded]'' :'''Police officer #6''': Hey, Did you see... what I just saw? :'''Police officer #5''': I think I did, but I wish I didn't. <hr width=50%> :'''Boy''': My name's Christopher. Do you have a name? :'''Sonic''': Yeah, I have a name. My name is Sonic the Hedgehog. ===Sonic to the Rescue=== <hr width80%> :'''Chris''': My name's Christopher. Sonic landed in our swimming pool last night and I dove in and saved him. :'''Tails''': My name's Tails and I'm Sonic's very best buddy! Right, Sonic? :'''Sonic''': Correct. :'''Cream''': My name is Cream and this is my very special Chao friend, Cheese. Thanks for having us. :'''Chris''': It's very nice to meet all of you. I have a feeling that we are going to become really good friends. Oh, and this is my grandfather. :'''Chuck''': Extraordinary. Tiny, radio-controlled airplanes. Extraordinary. :'''Tails''': We got lots of neat gadgets. :'''Chris''': Listen, Sonic! This isn't some game we're playing, you know. You could've gotten all of us thrown in jail! :'''Sonic''': Maybe I could, but I didn't, did I? :'''Chris''': Couldn't you try to be more careful? :'''Chuck''': This is an amazing piece of equipment. It goes beyond anything I have ever seen. How did you develop it? :'''Tails''': It's nothing special. Not in the world we come from. :'''Chuck''': And where is exactly that world, Tails? :'''Tails''': Beats me, but I think we got here through a warp in time and space. :'''Chuck''': Hmm, very interesting. Not very helpful, but interesting. :'''Tails''': I just thought of something. If you and me and Cream and Cheese are here, maybe the others got here too. :'''Sonic''': You might be right about that, Tails, and if you are, that means, maybe... :''[A flashback of Eggman from the first episode of him holding the red Chaos Emerald appears.]'' :'''Sonic, Tails and Cream''': Eggman's here too! ===Missile Wrist Rampage=== ===Chaos Emerald Chaos=== ===Cracking Knuckles=== :'''Sonic''': Oh! What a great view! ===Techno-Teacher=== :'''Stewart''': ''[watching Chris heading back home]'' You know, maybe there's more of being a school teacher than passing out homework taking absent class. ''[eats the officer's hamburger and the officer appears behind him tapping his baton on his left palm]'' :'''Officer''': Enjoying my burger bub?! ''[Stewart turns around and sees him and runs off with the burger on his mouth and the officer chases after him]'' Hey, get back here! Stop, chewing you thief! One more nible, I'll call out the SWAT team! ===Party Hardly=== :'''Amy''': ''[Cream and Cheese glee in excitement.]'' Huh? That sounds like Cream and Cheese outside! :''[Amy and Tails watching Cream picking up some flowers]'' :'''Tails''': I wonder what she's doing out there, Amy. :'''Amy''': I bet Cream's out there gathering some flowers. :'''Sonic''': Huh? :'''Tails''': She knows we're supposed to stay inside while Chris is at school. What's so important about going outside to pick flowers? Oh... :''[Flashback starts and Cream is picking flowers in the field while humming.]'' :'''Tails''': Hi, Cream! What are you doing there? :'''Cream''': I'm gonna surprise my mom by making her a crown out of flowers! :''[Flashback ends]'' :'''Tails''': I guess she misses her mom. :'''Amy''': Of course she is. I just wish… I just wish we can do something to cheer her up. <hr width80%> <hr width80%> <hr width80%> <hr width80%> <hr width80%> :'''Lindsey''': Please forgive me, Christopher. ''[sobbing]'' <hr width80%> :''[When Tails and Amy showed up Chris, Chuck, Ella and Sam saw them]'' :'''Tails''': Cream! :'''Amy''': Come here, Cream! :''[They are soon out of sight.]'' :'''Ella''': I'm seeing more of them now! <hr width80%> :'''Ella''': So the only nutty thing in my kitchen is my pecan pie! What a relief! I'm so happy that you don't have to hide from me anymore, sweetie. :'''Cream''': Yeah, we can be friends and I can help you out in the kitchen. :'''Ella''': You're such a dear, I'm sure that your mother misses you terribly. ''[cries]'' :'''Cream''': Please don't worry. Sonic and my friends will find a way to get us all back home, and you can take care of me until then. :'''Ella''': I will, Cream. I will. :'''Cream''': Thank you, Ella. :''[Sonic and Chris look on.]'' :'''Sonic''': Now that Ella knows we're here, we can have the run of this place. :'''Chris''': Sure. Uh... ''[turns to leave]'' :'''Sonic''': ''[notes Chris sadly walked away]'' Huh? Chris? <hr width80%> :''[Sonic went to Chris' room, he opens the door and sees Chris, with a glum expression, sitting on his bed.]'' :'''Sonic''': What’s wrong? Why are you sad? :'''Chris''': I didn't mean it when I complained about my mom missing the party, but Cream got really angry. I didn't even think about how bad she misses her mother. I... just hope she doesn't stay mad at me. :'''Sonic''': ''[wink]'' Don't worry, it'll be okay. ===Satellite Swindle=== :'''Amy''': Hey, Ella, maybe Sonic would like some pie. :'''Tails''': ''[licks his lips]'' He can have the other one. :'''Amy''': ''[to Tails]'' No, you don't! That pie is for Sonic! :'''Tails''': No, Amy! :''[Amy grabs the dish which tosses Tails into the television. The television receives static.]'' :'''Cream''': Tails, you broke our TV. :'''Tails''': I'm sorry... ===The Last Resort=== <hr width80%> :'''Amy''': '''SONIC, WHERE ARE YOU?!!!''' <hr width80%> :'''Tails''': AMY, WAIT! :'''Amy''': '''LET HIM GO!!''' <hr width80%> :'''Eggman''': HOW COULD YOU! :'''Amy''': Keep your rotten robots away from my Sonic or you’re gonna be sorry! <hr width80%> :'''Amy''': Sonic! ''[hugging Sonic]'' :'''Sonic''': Woah! Lighten up, Amy, ugh! :'''Eggman''': You won this time, but I'm not through! :'''Sonic''': Yeah, right! ''[Eggman flies away]'' What you did was crazy. :'''Amy''': I know, but you make me do crazy things. <hr width80%> :'''Amy''': ''[cries]'' I guess my charm... wasn't so lucky... ''[Cries and then grows into anger]'' :'''Eggman''': Alright, Serpenter, you know what to do! Put the squeeze on Sonic and then toss him out to sea! :'''Amy''': '''AHHHHH! NOW YOU'RE GONNA PAY!''' :'''Eggman''': Huh? :'''Sonic''': Huh? :'''Amy''': '''DON’T MESS WITH ME!''' <hr width80%> :'''Sonic''': AMY! ===Unfair Ball=== ===Fly Spy=== ===Beating Eggman=== ====Part I==== ====Part II==== :'''Sonic''': Talk about hopeless. ''[He begins to break free of Guerra-Hard's grip. to Eggman]'' How foolish are you to set a time bomb and get locked into the same room? :''[He eventually breaks free of E-18's grip, angering his arch-nemesis.]'' :'''Eggman''': Sonic! ''[Sonic lands on the ground and charges towards E-18 Guerra-Hard.]'' Don't you ever learn? :'''Sonic''': ''[over a set of gray-blue speed lines]'' Whatever! :''[Guerra-Hard attempts to kick Sonic, but misses as the Blue Blur leaps up.]'' :'''Eggman''': What? ''[Sonic lands on E-18's leg and climbs up by running, then lunges towards its torso to claim the two Chaos Emeralds from the mad scientist over another set of blue speed lines.]'' N-no way! :''[Sonic eventually makes impact and pierces through the middle and takes the two stolen Emeralds away from Eggman, who looks on in fear.]'' :'''Sonic''': Yahoo! :'''Eggman''': Oh no! ''[The two Chaos Emeralds start glowing as they power Sonic up, and he charges towards E-18 and pierces through its back as the Overlander screams in terror as the hedgehog lands rapid blows on Guerra-Hard, tearing it up before smashing through the doors as E-18 Guerra-Hard emits sparks as it begins to explode, forcing the mad scientist to retreat as his robot, as well as his base, are about to be destroyed at the hands of the heroes of Mobius and Earth alike.]'' I'm done for! :''[He flies off as Guerra-Hard glows before exploding violently. Sonic then starts tearing up Eggman's base from the outside.]'' ==Chaos Emerald Saga== ===That's What Friends are For=== ===Skirmish in the Sky=== ===Depths of Danger=== :'''Amy''': ''[takes a look at her passport ID and becomes angry at the photo she just looked at]'' I look terrible! :'''Tanaka''': Really? :'''Chris''': You do? :'''Cream''': Let me see. :'''Cheese''': Chao. :'''Amy''': Why did they have to use this picture?! I look like a lunatic! :'''Tanaka''': Now now, Ms. Amy, I wouldn't exactly say it makes you look like a lunatic... exactly. :'''Amy''': It makes me look like an insane, off-the-wall, out-of-control maniac! '''''I HATE IT!!!''''' ===The Adventures of Knuckles & Hawk=== ===The Dam Scam=== :'''Tails''': Listen up, you losers! You're just a bunch of wimps! You deserve to lose your home! ===Sonic's Scream Test=== ===Cruise Blues=== ===Fast Friends=== ===Little Chao Lost=== ===Emerald Anniversary=== ===How to Catch a Hedgehog=== ===A Dastardly Deed=== :'''Chris''': What do you think you're doing, Eggman?! :'''Eggman''': Wise up! You didn't really believe that I was homesick like your loser friends, did you? The only thing I care about is establishing the Eggman Empire. I can do that on my planet, or yours. It makes no difference to me. ===Countdown to Chaos=== ==External links== {{wikipedia|Sonic X (season 1)}} {{Sonic the Hedgehog}} [[Category:Sonic X seasons]] [[Category:Children's television seasons]] mgwiz2twwufz6j2q4khz5pinh2buu55 3778889 3778886 2025-07-14T21:36:59Z 2001:8003:DD49:F700:7CE2:F3C:CD2C:140C /* The Last Resort */ 3778889 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''Seasons''': [[Sonic X (season 1)|1]] / [[Sonic X (season 2)|2]] / [[Sonic X (season 3)|3]] | [[Sonic X|Main]] ---------------- The following is a list of quotes from the first season of '''''[[Sonic X]]'''''. ==New World Saga== ===Chaos Control Freaks=== :'''Dr. Eggman''': You'll never stop me now, Sonic! All I have to do is to push this little button. :'''Sonic the Hedgehog''': Yeah, if you can push it before I grab it. <hr width=50%> :'''Sonic the Hedgehog''': Darn it. This is no time to be passing out. <hr width=50%> :'''Truck driver''': What is this, '''[[w:Halloween|Halloween]]'''?! :'''Sonic''': So they can talk... :'''Police officer #1''': What is that thing? :'''Police officer #2''': Looks like a big hedgehog. :'''Police officer #1''': A blue hedgehog? :'''Police officer #2''': Well, whatever it is, we better get it out of here. Hey, buddy, want to ride with us down to the station? :'''Police officer #1''': Should I call for backup? :'''Police officer #2''': I have three kitty cats at home. I think I can handle this little fella. ''[Sonic folds his arms and frowns]'' :'''Police officer #1''': Did you see that? That thing's got an '''[[w:Attitude (psychology)|attitude]]'''. A bad one. :'''Police officer #2''': Yeah? Well, He won't get away from me! ''[lunges at Sonic but Sonic dodges]'' :'''Police officer #1''': ''[drawing his truncheon]'' Why, you little-- :'''Sergeant''': ''[in slight German accent]'' Take it easy. I think we can handle this without getting rough. Duffy, get behind him. :'''Duffy''': Right, Sarge. :'''Sergeant''': Okay Now, when I say the word, we're all going to jump into him at once. Alright then, is everybody ready? '''LET'S DO IT!''' ''[The sergeant and 3 policemen jump at Sonic]'' :'''Police officer #3''': Okay, Sarge, I think I got his leg! :'''Police officer #2''': I got 'em round the neck, Sarge! :'''Sergeant''': Alright, let's put him out at the count to 3. 1, 2, 3! ''[the officers all pull, and fall over. They were in fact holding onto themselves; Sonic had dodged and was now sitting atop a patrol car, wondering what was going on. Suddenly he is enclosed in a butterfly net]'' :'''All''': Aah, aah, aah! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! :'''Police officer #4''': Don't worry, Sarge! I got him! ''[Sonic races off, pulling Policeman 2 along with him. The other policemen grab the net, but Sonic is too fast. He jumps over another patrol car, with its door open, but the policemen are bundled inside]'' :'''Sergeant''': Attention, all units! Attention, all units! There is a blue hedgehog headed north on Central Street, towards the on-ramp to 101. ''[cuts to 2 policemen driving]'' :'''Police officer #5''': I've never heard of a blue hedgehog before, have you? :'''Police officer #6''': It must be one of those fancy new sports cars from overseas. Hey, if we catch it, maybe the captain will let us drive it! :'''Police officer #5''': I bet it has one of those cute little hood ornaments that looks like a hedgehog. ''[Sonic lands on the bonnet of the car, in a pose reminiscent of a hood ornament]'' :'''Sonic''': ''[looking at the camera]'' I don't know how I got here, but I gotta find a way to get out. ''[jumps off the bonnet and races off, leaving the policemen dumbfounded]'' :'''Police officer #6''': Hey, Did you see... what I just saw? :'''Police officer #5''': I think I did, but I wish I didn't. <hr width=50%> :'''Boy''': My name's Christopher. Do you have a name? :'''Sonic''': Yeah, I have a name. My name is Sonic the Hedgehog. ===Sonic to the Rescue=== <hr width80%> :'''Chris''': My name's Christopher. Sonic landed in our swimming pool last night and I dove in and saved him. :'''Tails''': My name's Tails and I'm Sonic's very best buddy! Right, Sonic? :'''Sonic''': Correct. :'''Cream''': My name is Cream and this is my very special Chao friend, Cheese. Thanks for having us. :'''Chris''': It's very nice to meet all of you. I have a feeling that we are going to become really good friends. Oh, and this is my grandfather. :'''Chuck''': Extraordinary. Tiny, radio-controlled airplanes. Extraordinary. :'''Tails''': We got lots of neat gadgets. :'''Chris''': Listen, Sonic! This isn't some game we're playing, you know. You could've gotten all of us thrown in jail! :'''Sonic''': Maybe I could, but I didn't, did I? :'''Chris''': Couldn't you try to be more careful? :'''Chuck''': This is an amazing piece of equipment. It goes beyond anything I have ever seen. How did you develop it? :'''Tails''': It's nothing special. Not in the world we come from. :'''Chuck''': And where is exactly that world, Tails? :'''Tails''': Beats me, but I think we got here through a warp in time and space. :'''Chuck''': Hmm, very interesting. Not very helpful, but interesting. :'''Tails''': I just thought of something. If you and me and Cream and Cheese are here, maybe the others got here too. :'''Sonic''': You might be right about that, Tails, and if you are, that means, maybe... :''[A flashback of Eggman from the first episode of him holding the red Chaos Emerald appears.]'' :'''Sonic, Tails and Cream''': Eggman's here too! ===Missile Wrist Rampage=== ===Chaos Emerald Chaos=== ===Cracking Knuckles=== :'''Sonic''': Oh! What a great view! ===Techno-Teacher=== :'''Stewart''': ''[watching Chris heading back home]'' You know, maybe there's more of being a school teacher than passing out homework taking absent class. ''[eats the officer's hamburger and the officer appears behind him tapping his baton on his left palm]'' :'''Officer''': Enjoying my burger bub?! ''[Stewart turns around and sees him and runs off with the burger on his mouth and the officer chases after him]'' Hey, get back here! Stop, chewing you thief! One more nible, I'll call out the SWAT team! ===Party Hardly=== :'''Amy''': ''[Cream and Cheese glee in excitement.]'' Huh? That sounds like Cream and Cheese outside! :''[Amy and Tails watching Cream picking up some flowers]'' :'''Tails''': I wonder what she's doing out there, Amy. :'''Amy''': I bet Cream's out there gathering some flowers. :'''Sonic''': Huh? :'''Tails''': She knows we're supposed to stay inside while Chris is at school. What's so important about going outside to pick flowers? Oh... :''[Flashback starts and Cream is picking flowers in the field while humming.]'' :'''Tails''': Hi, Cream! What are you doing there? :'''Cream''': I'm gonna surprise my mom by making her a crown out of flowers! :''[Flashback ends]'' :'''Tails''': I guess she misses her mom. :'''Amy''': Of course she is. I just wish… I just wish we can do something to cheer her up. <hr width80%> <hr width80%> <hr width80%> <hr width80%> <hr width80%> :'''Lindsey''': Please forgive me, Christopher. ''[sobbing]'' <hr width80%> :''[When Tails and Amy showed up Chris, Chuck, Ella and Sam saw them]'' :'''Tails''': Cream! :'''Amy''': Come here, Cream! :''[They are soon out of sight.]'' :'''Ella''': I'm seeing more of them now! <hr width80%> :'''Ella''': So the only nutty thing in my kitchen is my pecan pie! What a relief! I'm so happy that you don't have to hide from me anymore, sweetie. :'''Cream''': Yeah, we can be friends and I can help you out in the kitchen. :'''Ella''': You're such a dear, I'm sure that your mother misses you terribly. ''[cries]'' :'''Cream''': Please don't worry. Sonic and my friends will find a way to get us all back home, and you can take care of me until then. :'''Ella''': I will, Cream. I will. :'''Cream''': Thank you, Ella. :''[Sonic and Chris look on.]'' :'''Sonic''': Now that Ella knows we're here, we can have the run of this place. :'''Chris''': Sure. Uh... ''[turns to leave]'' :'''Sonic''': ''[notes Chris sadly walked away]'' Huh? Chris? <hr width80%> :''[Sonic went to Chris' room, he opens the door and sees Chris, with a glum expression, sitting on his bed.]'' :'''Sonic''': What’s wrong? Why are you sad? :'''Chris''': I didn't mean it when I complained about my mom missing the party, but Cream got really angry. I didn't even think about how bad she misses her mother. I... just hope she doesn't stay mad at me. :'''Sonic''': ''[wink]'' Don't worry, it'll be okay. ===Satellite Swindle=== :'''Amy''': Hey, Ella, maybe Sonic would like some pie. :'''Tails''': ''[licks his lips]'' He can have the other one. :'''Amy''': ''[to Tails]'' No, you don't! That pie is for Sonic! :'''Tails''': No, Amy! :''[Amy grabs the dish which tosses Tails into the television. The television receives static.]'' :'''Cream''': Tails, you broke our TV. :'''Tails''': I'm sorry... ===The Last Resort=== <hr width80%> :'''Amy''': '''SONIC, WHERE ARE YOU?!!!''' <hr width80%> :'''Tails''': AMY, WAIT! :'''Amy''': '''LET HIM GO!!''' <hr width80%> :'''Eggman''': HOW COULD YOU! :'''Amy''': Keep your rotten robots away from my Sonic or you’re gonna be sorry! <hr width80%> :'''Amy''': Sonic! ''[hugging Sonic]'' :'''Sonic''': Woah! Lighten up, Amy, ugh! :'''Eggman''': You won this time, but I'm not through! ''[flies away]'' :'''Sonic''': Yeah, right! ''[to Amy]'' What you did was crazy. :'''Amy''': I know, but you make me do crazy things. <hr width80%> :'''Amy''': ''[cries]'' I guess my charm... wasn't so lucky... ''[Cries and then grows into anger]'' :'''Eggman''': Alright, Serpenter, you know what to do! Put the squeeze on Sonic and then toss him out to sea! :'''Amy''': '''AHHHHH! NOW YOU'RE GONNA PAY!''' :'''Eggman''': Huh? :'''Sonic''': Huh? :'''Amy''': '''DON’T MESS WITH ME!''' <hr width80%> :'''Sonic''': AMY! ===Unfair Ball=== ===Fly Spy=== ===Beating Eggman=== ====Part I==== ====Part II==== :'''Sonic''': Talk about hopeless. ''[He begins to break free of Guerra-Hard's grip. to Eggman]'' How foolish are you to set a time bomb and get locked into the same room? :''[He eventually breaks free of E-18's grip, angering his arch-nemesis.]'' :'''Eggman''': Sonic! ''[Sonic lands on the ground and charges towards E-18 Guerra-Hard.]'' Don't you ever learn? :'''Sonic''': ''[over a set of gray-blue speed lines]'' Whatever! :''[Guerra-Hard attempts to kick Sonic, but misses as the Blue Blur leaps up.]'' :'''Eggman''': What? ''[Sonic lands on E-18's leg and climbs up by running, then lunges towards its torso to claim the two Chaos Emeralds from the mad scientist over another set of blue speed lines.]'' N-no way! :''[Sonic eventually makes impact and pierces through the middle and takes the two stolen Emeralds away from Eggman, who looks on in fear.]'' :'''Sonic''': Yahoo! :'''Eggman''': Oh no! ''[The two Chaos Emeralds start glowing as they power Sonic up, and he charges towards E-18 and pierces through its back as the Overlander screams in terror as the hedgehog lands rapid blows on Guerra-Hard, tearing it up before smashing through the doors as E-18 Guerra-Hard emits sparks as it begins to explode, forcing the mad scientist to retreat as his robot, as well as his base, are about to be destroyed at the hands of the heroes of Mobius and Earth alike.]'' I'm done for! :''[He flies off as Guerra-Hard glows before exploding violently. Sonic then starts tearing up Eggman's base from the outside.]'' ==Chaos Emerald Saga== ===That's What Friends are For=== ===Skirmish in the Sky=== ===Depths of Danger=== :'''Amy''': ''[takes a look at her passport ID and becomes angry at the photo she just looked at]'' I look terrible! :'''Tanaka''': Really? :'''Chris''': You do? :'''Cream''': Let me see. :'''Cheese''': Chao. :'''Amy''': Why did they have to use this picture?! I look like a lunatic! :'''Tanaka''': Now now, Ms. Amy, I wouldn't exactly say it makes you look like a lunatic... exactly. :'''Amy''': It makes me look like an insane, off-the-wall, out-of-control maniac! '''''I HATE IT!!!''''' ===The Adventures of Knuckles & Hawk=== ===The Dam Scam=== :'''Tails''': Listen up, you losers! You're just a bunch of wimps! You deserve to lose your home! ===Sonic's Scream Test=== ===Cruise Blues=== ===Fast Friends=== ===Little Chao Lost=== ===Emerald Anniversary=== ===How to Catch a Hedgehog=== ===A Dastardly Deed=== :'''Chris''': What do you think you're doing, Eggman?! :'''Eggman''': Wise up! You didn't really believe that I was homesick like your loser friends, did you? The only thing I care about is establishing the Eggman Empire. I can do that on my planet, or yours. It makes no difference to me. ===Countdown to Chaos=== ==External links== {{wikipedia|Sonic X (season 1)}} {{Sonic the Hedgehog}} [[Category:Sonic X seasons]] [[Category:Children's television seasons]] ltc8ye8imc4skupjlijbf64tlnjeeof 3779037 3778889 2025-07-15T07:30:42Z 148.252.146.237 /* Party Hardly */ 3779037 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''Seasons''': [[Sonic X (season 1)|1]] / [[Sonic X (season 2)|2]] / [[Sonic X (season 3)|3]] | [[Sonic X|Main]] ---------------- The following is a list of quotes from the first season of '''''[[Sonic X]]'''''. ==New World Saga== ===Chaos Control Freaks=== :'''Dr. Eggman''': You'll never stop me now, Sonic! All I have to do is to push this little button. :'''Sonic the Hedgehog''': Yeah, if you can push it before I grab it. <hr width=50%> :'''Sonic the Hedgehog''': Darn it. This is no time to be passing out. <hr width=50%> :'''Truck driver''': What is this, '''[[w:Halloween|Halloween]]'''?! :'''Sonic''': So they can talk... :'''Police officer #1''': What is that thing? :'''Police officer #2''': Looks like a big hedgehog. :'''Police officer #1''': A blue hedgehog? :'''Police officer #2''': Well, whatever it is, we better get it out of here. Hey, buddy, want to ride with us down to the station? :'''Police officer #1''': Should I call for backup? :'''Police officer #2''': I have three kitty cats at home. I think I can handle this little fella. ''[Sonic folds his arms and frowns]'' :'''Police officer #1''': Did you see that? That thing's got an '''[[w:Attitude (psychology)|attitude]]'''. A bad one. :'''Police officer #2''': Yeah? Well, He won't get away from me! ''[lunges at Sonic but Sonic dodges]'' :'''Police officer #1''': ''[drawing his truncheon]'' Why, you little-- :'''Sergeant''': ''[in slight German accent]'' Take it easy. I think we can handle this without getting rough. Duffy, get behind him. :'''Duffy''': Right, Sarge. :'''Sergeant''': Okay Now, when I say the word, we're all going to jump into him at once. Alright then, is everybody ready? '''LET'S DO IT!''' ''[The sergeant and 3 policemen jump at Sonic]'' :'''Police officer #3''': Okay, Sarge, I think I got his leg! :'''Police officer #2''': I got 'em round the neck, Sarge! :'''Sergeant''': Alright, let's put him out at the count to 3. 1, 2, 3! ''[the officers all pull, and fall over. They were in fact holding onto themselves; Sonic had dodged and was now sitting atop a patrol car, wondering what was going on. Suddenly he is enclosed in a butterfly net]'' :'''All''': Aah, aah, aah! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! :'''Police officer #4''': Don't worry, Sarge! I got him! ''[Sonic races off, pulling Policeman 2 along with him. The other policemen grab the net, but Sonic is too fast. He jumps over another patrol car, with its door open, but the policemen are bundled inside]'' :'''Sergeant''': Attention, all units! Attention, all units! There is a blue hedgehog headed north on Central Street, towards the on-ramp to 101. ''[cuts to 2 policemen driving]'' :'''Police officer #5''': I've never heard of a blue hedgehog before, have you? :'''Police officer #6''': It must be one of those fancy new sports cars from overseas. Hey, if we catch it, maybe the captain will let us drive it! :'''Police officer #5''': I bet it has one of those cute little hood ornaments that looks like a hedgehog. ''[Sonic lands on the bonnet of the car, in a pose reminiscent of a hood ornament]'' :'''Sonic''': ''[looking at the camera]'' I don't know how I got here, but I gotta find a way to get out. ''[jumps off the bonnet and races off, leaving the policemen dumbfounded]'' :'''Police officer #6''': Hey, Did you see... what I just saw? :'''Police officer #5''': I think I did, but I wish I didn't. <hr width=50%> :'''Boy''': My name's Christopher. Do you have a name? :'''Sonic''': Yeah, I have a name. My name is Sonic the Hedgehog. ===Sonic to the Rescue=== <hr width80%> :'''Chris''': My name's Christopher. Sonic landed in our swimming pool last night and I dove in and saved him. :'''Tails''': My name's Tails and I'm Sonic's very best buddy! Right, Sonic? :'''Sonic''': Correct. :'''Cream''': My name is Cream and this is my very special Chao friend, Cheese. Thanks for having us. :'''Chris''': It's very nice to meet all of you. I have a feeling that we are going to become really good friends. Oh, and this is my grandfather. :'''Chuck''': Extraordinary. Tiny, radio-controlled airplanes. Extraordinary. :'''Tails''': We got lots of neat gadgets. :'''Chris''': Listen, Sonic! This isn't some game we're playing, you know. You could've gotten all of us thrown in jail! :'''Sonic''': Maybe I could, but I didn't, did I? :'''Chris''': Couldn't you try to be more careful? :'''Chuck''': This is an amazing piece of equipment. It goes beyond anything I have ever seen. How did you develop it? :'''Tails''': It's nothing special. Not in the world we come from. :'''Chuck''': And where is exactly that world, Tails? :'''Tails''': Beats me, but I think we got here through a warp in time and space. :'''Chuck''': Hmm, very interesting. Not very helpful, but interesting. :'''Tails''': I just thought of something. If you and me and Cream and Cheese are here, maybe the others got here too. :'''Sonic''': You might be right about that, Tails, and if you are, that means, maybe... :''[A flashback of Eggman from the first episode of him holding the red Chaos Emerald appears.]'' :'''Sonic, Tails and Cream''': Eggman's here too! ===Missile Wrist Rampage=== ===Chaos Emerald Chaos=== ===Cracking Knuckles=== :'''Sonic''': Oh! What a great view! ===Techno-Teacher=== :'''Stewart''': ''[watching Chris heading back home]'' You know, maybe there's more of being a school teacher than passing out homework taking absent class. ''[eats the officer's hamburger and the officer appears behind him tapping his baton on his left palm]'' :'''Officer''': Enjoying my burger bub?! ''[Stewart turns around and sees him and runs off with the burger on his mouth and the officer chases after him]'' Hey, get back here! Stop, chewing you thief! One more nible, I'll call out the SWAT team! ===Party Hardly=== :'''Amy''': ''[Cream and Cheese glee in excitement.]'' Huh? That sounds like Cream and Cheese outside! :''[Amy and Tails watching Cream picking up some flowers]'' :'''Tails''': I wonder what she's doing out there, Amy. :'''Amy''': I bet Cream's out there gathering some flowers. :'''Sonic''': Huh? :'''Tails''': She knows we're supposed to stay inside while Chris is at school. What's so important about going outside to pick flowers? Oh... :''[Flashback starts and Cream is picking flowers in the field while humming.]'' :'''Tails''': Hi, Cream! What are you doing there? :'''Cream''': I'm gonna surprise my mom by making her a crown out of flowers! :''[Flashback ends]'' :'''Tails''': I guess she misses her mom. :'''Amy''': Of course she is. I just wish… I just wish we can do something to cheer her up. <hr width80%> :'''Lindsey''': Please forgive me, Christopher. ''[sobbing]'' <hr width80%> :''[When Tails and Amy showed up Chris, Chuck, Ella and Sam saw them]'' :'''Tails''': Cream! :'''Amy''': Come here, Cream! :''[They are soon out of sight.]'' :'''Ella''': I'm seeing more of them now! <hr width80%> :'''Ella''': So the only nutty thing in my kitchen is my pecan pie! What a relief! I'm so happy that you don't have to hide from me anymore, sweetie. :'''Cream''': Yeah, we can be friends and I can help you out in the kitchen. :'''Ella''': You're such a dear, I'm sure that your mother misses you terribly. ''[cries]'' :'''Cream''': Please don't worry. Sonic and my friends will find a way to get us all back home, and you can take care of me until then. :'''Ella''': I will, Cream. I will. :'''Cream''': Thank you, Ella. :''[Sonic and Chris look on.]'' :'''Sonic''': Now that Ella knows we're here, we can have the run of this place. :'''Chris''': Sure. Uh... ''[turns to leave]'' :'''Sonic''': ''[notes Chris sadly walked away]'' Huh? Chris? <hr width80%> :''[Sonic went to Chris' room, he opens the door and sees Chris, with a glum expression, sitting on his bed.]'' :'''Sonic''': What’s wrong? Why are you sad? :'''Chris''': I didn't mean it when I complained about my mom missing the party, but Cream got really angry. I didn't even think about how bad she misses her mother. I... just hope she doesn't stay mad at me. :'''Sonic''': ''[wink]'' Don't worry, it'll be okay. ===Satellite Swindle=== :'''Amy''': Hey, Ella, maybe Sonic would like some pie. :'''Tails''': ''[licks his lips]'' He can have the other one. :'''Amy''': ''[to Tails]'' No, you don't! That pie is for Sonic! :'''Tails''': No, Amy! :''[Amy grabs the dish which tosses Tails into the television. The television receives static.]'' :'''Cream''': Tails, you broke our TV. :'''Tails''': I'm sorry... ===The Last Resort=== <hr width80%> :'''Amy''': '''SONIC, WHERE ARE YOU?!!!''' <hr width80%> :'''Tails''': AMY, WAIT! :'''Amy''': '''LET HIM GO!!''' <hr width80%> :'''Eggman''': HOW COULD YOU! :'''Amy''': Keep your rotten robots away from my Sonic or you’re gonna be sorry! <hr width80%> :'''Amy''': Sonic! ''[hugging Sonic]'' :'''Sonic''': Woah! Lighten up, Amy, ugh! :'''Eggman''': You won this time, but I'm not through! ''[flies away]'' :'''Sonic''': Yeah, right! ''[to Amy]'' What you did was crazy. :'''Amy''': I know, but you make me do crazy things. <hr width80%> :'''Amy''': ''[cries]'' I guess my charm... wasn't so lucky... ''[Cries and then grows into anger]'' :'''Eggman''': Alright, Serpenter, you know what to do! Put the squeeze on Sonic and then toss him out to sea! :'''Amy''': '''AHHHHH! NOW YOU'RE GONNA PAY!''' :'''Eggman''': Huh? :'''Sonic''': Huh? :'''Amy''': '''DON’T MESS WITH ME!''' <hr width80%> :'''Sonic''': AMY! ===Unfair Ball=== ===Fly Spy=== ===Beating Eggman=== ====Part I==== ====Part II==== :'''Sonic''': Talk about hopeless. ''[He begins to break free of Guerra-Hard's grip. to Eggman]'' How foolish are you to set a time bomb and get locked into the same room? :''[He eventually breaks free of E-18's grip, angering his arch-nemesis.]'' :'''Eggman''': Sonic! ''[Sonic lands on the ground and charges towards E-18 Guerra-Hard.]'' Don't you ever learn? :'''Sonic''': ''[over a set of gray-blue speed lines]'' Whatever! :''[Guerra-Hard attempts to kick Sonic, but misses as the Blue Blur leaps up.]'' :'''Eggman''': What? ''[Sonic lands on E-18's leg and climbs up by running, then lunges towards its torso to claim the two Chaos Emeralds from the mad scientist over another set of blue speed lines.]'' N-no way! :''[Sonic eventually makes impact and pierces through the middle and takes the two stolen Emeralds away from Eggman, who looks on in fear.]'' :'''Sonic''': Yahoo! :'''Eggman''': Oh no! ''[The two Chaos Emeralds start glowing as they power Sonic up, and he charges towards E-18 and pierces through its back as the Overlander screams in terror as the hedgehog lands rapid blows on Guerra-Hard, tearing it up before smashing through the doors as E-18 Guerra-Hard emits sparks as it begins to explode, forcing the mad scientist to retreat as his robot, as well as his base, are about to be destroyed at the hands of the heroes of Mobius and Earth alike.]'' I'm done for! :''[He flies off as Guerra-Hard glows before exploding violently. Sonic then starts tearing up Eggman's base from the outside.]'' ==Chaos Emerald Saga== ===That's What Friends are For=== ===Skirmish in the Sky=== ===Depths of Danger=== :'''Amy''': ''[takes a look at her passport ID and becomes angry at the photo she just looked at]'' I look terrible! :'''Tanaka''': Really? :'''Chris''': You do? :'''Cream''': Let me see. :'''Cheese''': Chao. :'''Amy''': Why did they have to use this picture?! I look like a lunatic! :'''Tanaka''': Now now, Ms. Amy, I wouldn't exactly say it makes you look like a lunatic... exactly. :'''Amy''': It makes me look like an insane, off-the-wall, out-of-control maniac! '''''I HATE IT!!!''''' ===The Adventures of Knuckles & Hawk=== ===The Dam Scam=== :'''Tails''': Listen up, you losers! You're just a bunch of wimps! You deserve to lose your home! ===Sonic's Scream Test=== ===Cruise Blues=== ===Fast Friends=== ===Little Chao Lost=== ===Emerald Anniversary=== ===How to Catch a Hedgehog=== ===A Dastardly Deed=== :'''Chris''': What do you think you're doing, Eggman?! :'''Eggman''': Wise up! You didn't really believe that I was homesick like your loser friends, did you? The only thing I care about is establishing the Eggman Empire. I can do that on my planet, or yours. It makes no difference to me. ===Countdown to Chaos=== ==External links== {{wikipedia|Sonic X (season 1)}} {{Sonic the Hedgehog}} [[Category:Sonic X seasons]] [[Category:Children's television seasons]] 9niz67r3egjgunfbduymuft3k3fxcad 14 283614 3778569 3634413 2025-07-14T12:49:02Z UDScott 4304 Moving from [[Category:Activists]] to [[Category:Activists by issue]] using [[c:Help:Cat-a-lot|Cat-a-lot]] 3778569 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Activists by issue]] [[Category:Vaccination]] 82083y9pbjdkac6l783tjxjweztoa14 0 283812 3778480 3778415 2025-07-14T12:01:41Z Joshmaul 218416 /* Dr. Ivo "Eggman" Robotnik */ 3778480 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Sonic the Hedgehog 3 (film)|Sonic the Hedgehog 3]]''''', also simply known as '''''Sonic 3''''', is an American live-action/CGI fantasy film based on the [[Sonic the Hedgehog|video game franchise]] published by Sega. The movie stars [[Jim Carrey]], [[w:Ben Schwartz|Ben Schwartz]], [[w:Lee Majdoub|Lee Majdoub]], [[w:Natasha Rothwell|Natasha Rothwell]], [[w:Adam Pally|Adam Pally]], [[w:Shemar Moore|Shemar Moore]], [[w:Colleen O'Shaughnessey|Colleen O'Shaughnessey]], [[w:James Marsden|James Marsden]], [[w:Tika Sumpter|Tika Sumpter]], and [[Idris Elba]] in the reprising roles from [[Sonic the Hedgehog 2|the second movie]]. The movie also features [[Krysten Ritter]], [[Keanu Reeves]], [[w:Alyla Browne|Alyla Browne]], and James Wolk. It is distributed by [[w:Paramount Pictures|Paramount Pictures]]. The movie has Sonic and his friends trying to stop a more powerful, vengeful hedgehog named Shadow, and are forced to reluctantly call on their archenemy, Dr. Robotnik, to help stop him. :''Directed by {{w|Jeff Fowler}}. Produced by {{w|Neal H. Moritz}}, Toby Ascher, Toru Nakahara, and Hitoshi Okuno. Screenplay by [[w:Patrick Casey (writer)|Pat Casey]] & [[w:Josh Miller (filmmaker)|Josh Miller]] and [[w:John Whittington (screenwriter)|John Whittington]], based on the [[Sonic the Hedgehog|video game franchise]] published by Sega.'' {{center|'''New adventure. New rival.''' <small>(tagline)</small>}} == Team Sonic == === [[w:Sonic the Hedgehog (character)|Sonic the Hedgehog]] === * ''[from trailer]'' Hey, no cheat code! * Hey, hey! My state-of-the-art security system! ''[swings the nunchucks around before hitting himself in the head]'' It still works. * I gotta ask, one hedgehog to another, who does your highlights? * ''Konnichi''-what? * No, no. Oh, no, no. Someone tell me this some kind of concussion-induced nightmare! There's ''two'' Eggmen now?! ''['''Ivo''': Double your villains, double your fun.]'' * Uh, nice magic marble. Real scary. ''[the "marble" activates, turning into a mini black hole]'' Aah! That actually is real scary! * Check this out. Trick shot! * Somebody better call Google Maps. * Tom, Maddie, we need your help on a super... Knuckles, do you mind? ''['''Knuckles''': Oh, excuse me.]'' Tom, Maddie, we need your help on a super dangerous top-secret mission! ''['''Tom''': We're in.]'' * Stop right there, robo-scum! * Now, this might hurt a little! * All right, boys, try and keep up! * Pro tip: if you're gonna take a shot at the fastest creature in the universe, you better not miss. * That's a new trick. * ''[last lines; after being saved by a hammer-wielding cloaked figure]'' What?! Who are you?! ''[the figure removes her hood to reveal herself as a pink hedgehog named Amy Rose]'' === [[w:Tails (Sonic the Hedgehog)|Miles "Tails" Prower]] === * Come on, Sonic! Catch up! Yeah! ''['''Sonic''': What in the what now?]'' * Uh, start with the giant fireball? ''['''Sonic''': I love it. Let's start with a giant fireball.]'' * He looks just like you. ''['''Knuckles''': Impossible!]'' * Who ''is'' this guy? ''['''Knuckles''': He is much more impressive than the hedgehog I fought previously.]'' * Calm down, Knuckles! This is a Chao Garden. One of the top ten must-see spots in all of Tokyo! It's the perfect place for us to blend in! ''['''Japanese Girl''': Are you Detective Pikachu?]'' * Oh, I'm not Sonic's assistant, we're teammates. He's the leader, Knuckles is the muscle, and I'm the gadget guy! We all have a role to play. * Gotta be faster than that! ''['''Tom''': [exits the tent, now in an arm sling] Give me a break. I'm still a little slow over here.]'' === [[w:Knuckles the Echidna|Knuckles the Echidna]] === * ''[from trailer]'' What is this den of madness? * ''[burns his marshmallow for a s'more]'' I have dishonored my marshmallow. * ''[laughs excitedly]'' Finally, some action! * He is much more impressive than the hedgehog I fought previously. ''['''Sonic''': [annoyed] Dude, I'm standing right here.]'' * ''[laughs]'' He does look like a Pokémon! ''[Tails looks annoyed as Knuckles mimics the impression of Pikachu]'' Pika-Pika! Ha! *''[sees Stone; gasps]'' It's the Goat Milker! ''['''Stone''': [mimics Knuckles] "It's the Goat Milker"! Relax. I'm not here to fight.]'' * Nothing scares an Echidna warrior. ''['''Sonic''': Uh, yeah. Do you remember what happened last movie night?]'' * ''[after a flashback of Team Sonic watching the 1995 movie ''Casper'']'' There's no such thing as [[Casper (film)|a friendly ghost]]. == [[w:Shadow the Hedgehog|Shadow the Hedgehog]] == * 2024? I've been trapped for fifty years? ''[G.U.N. agents arrive and surround Shadow]'' * Why won't you leave me ALONE?! ''['''G.U.N. Agent''': Take him down!]'' * You're a colorful bunch. ''['''Sonic''': Uh, excuse me. Why do you look like me?]'' I don't look like you. ''You'' look like ''me.'' Why do you look like me? ''['''Sonic''': Hey, you know what? I'll ask the questions, new hedgehog! Who are you?! Why do you look like me?!]'' This is a waste of time. Walk away, before you get hurt. * You jumped out of a G.U.N. helicopter. There's nothing to talk about. ''[walks away]'' * Don't try to follow me. ''[drives off on his motorcycle]'' * ''[to Sonic]'' The more you talk, the harder I want to hit you! * ''[to Maria]'' I don't know what I'd do without you. ''[smiles warmly]'' * I'm tired of giving you warnings. * I've spent fifty years reliving what they did to her. This '''IS''' who I am inside. * ''[watching a scene from ''La Ultima Passion'']'' Gabriella should kill them both. She's not a prize to be won. * When we're done, there won't be anything left to rule. ''['''Stone''': That is dark.]'' * You were right about one thing: this ends ''now. [punches Sonic]'' * Go ahead, finish it! What are you waiting for?! Do it! I'm right here! ''['''Sonic''': [after remembering Tom's words from earlier, he decides to spare Shadow as he looked at his hands with remorse] This is not who I am.]'' What are you doing? You won. Take your revenge. ''['''Sonic''': There are no winners with revenge.]'' * The light shines, even though the star is gone. * So, ''this'' was your plan? ''['''Sonic''': [grunts] Would someone mind shutting down the giant death ray?!]'' * I don't know anything about my home. ''['''Maria''': This is your home, Shadow. Earth.]'' == [[w:Doctor Eggman|Dr. Ivo "Eggman" Robotnik]] == * ''[while watching ''La Última Pasión'']'' Let that be a lesson to you, Juan! Family is a field of emotional claymores... that leave you abandoned, betrayed, and weeping while you eat cake, which creates copious amounts of adipose tissue, and what some callous individuals refer to as... man-boobs. * "Imposter". That's impossi... '''''WHAT?!?!''''' * Let's... ''[grabs Stone]'' ...'''DO THIS!''' * It's as if... ''[with Gerald, breaking the fourth wall]'' ...we're two characters in a movie, being played by the same actor! * Double your villains, double your fun! * The Robotniks have entered the chat. * Our destiny awaits. * Set up defense! ''[his suit produces... an actual picket fence]'' Damn you, autocorrect! * ''[Ivo, Tails, and Knuckles manage to turn the Eclipse Cannon's laser away from Earth...]'' Yes! I did it... I did it...! ''[...but it slices the moon in half]'' Ooh... ''[to Knuckles and Tails]'' Look what you did! * ''[in Spanish, after being convinced by Shadow to save the Earth]'' Go with God, stinking hedgehog. * ''[as he started livestreaming]'' This is Dr. Ivo Robotnik, dedicating my final livestream to one very special henchman: Agent Stone. ''['''Stone''': No, no. Doctor, wait!]'' If I can't rule the world, I might as well save it... for the one and only person who ever cared about me! ''['''Stone''': Don't do this, Doctor, please!]'' Stone, you were more than a sycophant to me. You were... ''[after a brief pause]'' a syco-friend. ''[Stone becomes teary-eyed]'' I'll miss your lattes with steamed Austrian goat milk... I love the way you make 'em! ''[Stone beams happily]'' So, I guess there's only one thing left to say: Bzzt, bzzt, bzzt! It's been a real drag! ''[whispers]'' Thanks for nothing. ==Professor Gerald Robotnik== * ''[from trailer]'' Welcome home, my boy. * Two Robotniks are way worse than one! * Holy crab! * I know, grandson, a ''woman'' in the military. * In exchange for my freedom, I gave G.U.N. the most powerful weapon mankind has ever seen, capable of delivering a precision strike anywhere on Earth. * ''[while spanking Ivo]'' I... will... not... try... to stop... my... elders... from... destroying... the... world! * ''[after witnessing Shadow teaming up with Sonic]'' Shadow. I see you've chosen betrayal, and you were once so useful to me. ==Maria Robotnik== *Wow. Look at all those stars. They're like diamonds. My grandfather says it can take hundreds of years for the light of a star to reach Earth, and by the time you see it, the star might not even exist anymore. Isn't that crazy? ''['''Shadow''': The light shines... even though the star is gone.]'' *You're my friend. And you can do or be anything you want, not because of your powers, but because of who you are in here. ''['''Shadow''': I don't know what I'd do without you.]'' == Dialogue == :''[a storm brews above Prison Island in Tokyo Bay, Japan. Inside, a GUN guard joins Kyle in a balcony overlooking a chamber]'' :'''Guard''': ''[first lines]'' Oh, yes! You got donuts. :'''Kyle''': I already ate all the Boston Cream. :'''Guard''': Kyle! :''[Kyle shrugs while the guard looks down at a chamber containing something below]'' :'''Guard''': This place gives me the creeps. :'''Kyle''': Relax, that popsicle hasn't moved in 50 years. :''[Shadow, a red-streaked black hedgehog, is seen in the chamber, sleeping and dreaming. In his head, he hears music. He sees Maria Robotnik, a human girl, playing a guitar. His face softens as he sees her hold his hand under the stars. Then he sees himself flee with her from a squad of soldiers. The two of them lose their grip, and their hands separate. His brow furrows in the capsule, and his heart-rate monitor spikes on one of Kyle's screens, which the guard notices]'' :'''Guard''': Is that normal? :'''Kyle''': No... ''[checks another screen]'' Someone's hacking the system! :'''Guard''': What? :''[a laughing Eggman symbol appears on Kyle's screen]'' :'''Kyle''': The containment tank is destabilizing! ''He's waking up...'' :''[The guard runs over and sounds the alarm. Two squads of G.U.N. soldiers converge in the chamber, aiming their blasters at the capsule. Just as Shadow starts to stir from his slumber, his heart rate goes down, and he calms down, prompting one soldier to sigh with relief. Until suddenly, Shadow scowls as he opens his eyes, which glow red, and punches the capsule's glass, freeing himself. He steps out, silent, but seething, and teleports from one soldier to the next, incapacitating each with a single hit before any of them can take a shot at him. Shadow vanishes after uppercutting the last soldier up to the balcony's glass, startling Kyle and the guard]'' :'''Kyle''': We need more guys. :'''Guard''': That ''is'' all the guys. :''[the soldier slides from the balcony and hits the floor with a loud thud. Outside, one of Prison Island's walls bursts open. Shadow marches out, his eyes still glowing red, and sees Tokyo in the distance. He teleports down and skates across the stormy sea toward the city]'' <hr width=50%> :''[at a campsite in Green Hills, Montana, Miles Prower, a.k.a. Tails, a yellow-orange and white fox with two tails, gets into a ready stance, narrowing his blue eyes. On the left beside him, Knuckles, a red echidna, does the same, narrowing his purple eyes. In a rubber duck float, diving flippers, and sunglasses, Sonic, a blue hedgehog, walks in the middle of his friends while eating a chilli dog]'' :'''Sonic''': ''[mouth full]'' Wait a second. I thought we were going tubing. Hold on, hold on, is this a race? :'''Tails''': You're going down! :'''Knuckles''': It is my destiny to claim the throne of Family Champion, hedgehog! :'''Sonic''': Ha-ha, cute! Are you sure you wanna challenge the fastest creature in the universe? I mean, that's kinda my whole brand. ''[spins out of his floatie and removes his flippers and sunglasses]'' Okay, Tom and Maddie, count us down! :'''Tom''': Right! ''[to Maddie]'' Don't worry, a little sibling rivalry is healthy. Me and my brothers used to do this kind of thing all the time. :'''Maddie''': Tom, your brothers are lunatics and neither of them were born with the power to trigger a global, cataclysmic event, so... :'''Tom''': That's a fair point. Did you hear that, boys? No cataclysmic events, alright? Let's try to keep this cataclysmic-less. :'''Sonic''': 10-4! :'''Tails''': Got it! :'''Knuckles''': Understood, Lord of the Donuts! :'''Maddie''': Then, on your marks, get set, go! ''[Team Sonic takes off fast]'' :'''Sonic''': And way out in front, to the surprise of absolutely no one, it's the Blue Blur, the Red-Shoed Rocket, the one, the only-- :'''Tails''': ''[flies above]'' Come on, Sonic, catch up! Yeah! ''[flies ahead]'' :'''Sonic''': What in the what now? :'''Knuckles''': ''[running ahead]'' I am also defeating you, hedgehog! :'''Sonic''': Seriously? Alright, you know what? Time to light the afterburners! ''[accelerates past, grinding up a fallen tree]'' Look! It's a bird, it's a plane, it's Air Hedgehog! ''[passing the Goal Plate, dancing]'' Yes! I did it! I... ''[sees Tails and Knuckles tapping their feet]'' lost?! How is that even possible? I did not lose! :'''Knuckles''': I am also defeating you, hedgehog! :'''Sonic''': Okay, okay, I get it, man. No need to rub it in. :'''Tails''': Come on, Sonic, catch up! Yeah! :'''Sonic''': ''[getting Déjà vu]'' Wait, what's going on? :''[Sonic distorts Tails' face upon touching it and yelps in shock. He does the same to Knuckles' face.]'' :'''Sonic''': Why are you guys acting like... ''[looks up, sees Tails' hologram projectors]'' Holograms! Which means I remain the undefeated speed champion of all time! Yeees! And the crowd goes wild! But also, what's going on? ''[hurries back to the campsite to see a surprise birthday party waiting before him]'' :'''Tom, Maddie, Tails, & Knuckles''': Surprise! :'''Sonic''': Wait a second, you guys, what is all this? ''[points to the banner]'' "Happy B-Arthur Day"? :'''Maddie''': No, it's "Happy B-''Earth''-day." :'''Tom''': Today's the anniversary of the day you came to Earth, bud. It's your Earth Day birthday. :'''Sonic''': So, the race was just a distraction, which I totally didn't fall for, by the way, good try, though, so you could throw a party for me? :'''Knuckles''': Today we honor you, hedgehog. :'''Tails''': If it wasn't for you, none of us would be here right now. :'''Tom''': The boys are right, bud. Y'know, the day you came to this planet is the day all our lives changed forever. :'''Maddie''': And we became a family. :'''Ozzy''': ''[barks, subtitled]'' You stole my hoomans. :'''Sonic''': You guys, I don't, I don't know what to say, except... Let's party! ''[high-fives Tom]'' :'''Tails''': Toga! Toga! :'''Knuckles''': It's now on 'til the break of dawn! <hr width=50%> :'''Sonic''': Thanks for the surprise party. It really means a lot to me. :'''Tom''': Ah, you deserve it, pal. :'''Sonic''': ''[sees something in the distance]'' No way, is that...? ''[runs off]'' :'''Tom''': ''[walking after him]'' Wha-- Dude, just for once, walk at ''my'' speed. :''[Tom drops down into Sonic's old cave from the [[Sonic the Hedgehog (film)|first film]].]'' :'''Tom''': Whoa, Sonic, this is your... :'''Sonic''': Yep, my old cave. :'''Tom''': Oh, man, I can't believe this is where you lived all those years. :'''Sonic''': ''(re: nunchaku)'' Heh-hey! My state-of-the-art security system! ''[flails them around and hits himself, again like in the first film]'' Still works. :'''Tom''': Hey, bud. what's this? ''[finds a drawing of young Sonic and Longclaw]'' :'''Sonic''': Wow. You know, I drew that on my first night on Earth. I wanted to remember where I came from. I still miss her. You think Longclaw would be proud of me? :'''Tom''': I know she would, pal. Because even though you lost her at such a young age, you didn't let your pain change who you are... in here. ''[points at Sonic's chest]'' :'''Sonic''': Yeah, in my lungs. :'''Tom''': ''[amused]'' Or your heart. :'''Sonic''': Heart, right. Yeah, makes more sense. Not lungs, heart. :'''Tom''': That's the thing about life, Sonic, it's all about the choices we make. You're gonna make some good ones, and... knowing you, you're gonna make some bad ones. ''[Sonic innocuously rolls his eyes]'' But, as long as you remember to listen to your heart, you're gonna make the right choice when it matters the most. :'''Sonic''': Thanks. I don't know what I'd do without you. ''[cut to Shadow miserably marching in the rain in Tokyo] I'd probably be a totally different hedgehog.'' <hr width=50%> :'''Shadow''': 2024? I've been trapped for 50 years? ''[soon finds himself surrounded by G.U.N. soldiers]'' :'''G.U.N. Soldier''': ''[via megaphone]'' We've got you surrounded! :'''Shadow''': Why... won't you leave me... ''alone?!'' :'''G.U.N. Soldier''': Take him down! :''[the soldiers point their guns at Shadow, who charges up his power in response]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Knuckles''': I have dishonored my marshmallow. :'''Tails''': It's really just a question of temperature and distance. :'''Maddie''': It's not a competition. :'''Tom''': This is so nice. :'''Maddie''': Peace. :'''Tom''': Quiet. :'''Maddie''': Finally. :'''Tom''': Finally. ''[Suddenly, a G.U.N. helicopter arrives at the campsite, much to Sonic's annoyance]'' :'''Sonic''': Hey! We're trying to have a family moment down here! ''[he and his family walk over to the landing helicopter]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Maddie''': What did we do? :'''Tom''': Or what did ''they'' do? :'''Tails''': ''[to Sonic]'' What did you do? :'''Sonic''': I don't know, I do a lot of stuff. :'''Rockwell''': Mr. and Mrs. Wachowski. ''[to the boys, with more spite]'' [[Aliens (film)|Aliens.]] :'''Sonic''': "Aliens"? Excuse me? It's not like we're from different plan-- Oh, yeah, we are. I guess we ''are'' aliens. Please continue. :'''Rockwell''': I'm Director Rockwell. There is a very dangerous situation unfolding right now in Tokyo. Commander Walters is requesting Team Sonic's immediate assistance. :'''Knuckles''': "Team Sonic"? Who picked ''that'' name? :'''Sonic''': Love it, 10 out of 10, no notes. Tom and Maddie, put the s'mores on ice, because Team Sonic is off to save the day! :''[Team Sonic boards the helicopter. Sonic waves goodbye to his family as they take off]'' :'''Maddie''': Remember... make good choices! :''[Tom gives a thumbs up, and Ozzy waves goodbye]'' <hr width=50%> :''[The G.U.N. helicopter exits a Ring over Tokyo as the instrumental version of "Neon" by ONE OK ROCK start up. Tails sits in the cockpit with a British G.U.N. pilot]'' :'''Tails''': Good evening, and welcome to Tails Airflight 1012. We're looking at an on-time arrival into Tokyo! :'''Sonic''': Okay, Captain, we've got a rogue alien on the loose. How do we find him? :''[they both notice a large explosion at the Shibuya Scramble Crossing]'' :'''Tails''': Uh, start with the giant fireball? :'''Sonic''': I love it, let's start with the giant fireball! :''[Sonic and Tails join Knuckles in the back]'' :'''Knuckles''': Ha-ha-ha...! Finally, some action! :'''Tails''': Okay, time to gear up. ''[pulls out some handcuffs]'' Titanium handcuffs. Completely indestructible. :'''Knuckles''': I don't need your silly gizmos, fox. And you know why? Because I am... :'''Sonic and Tails''': ''[reciting with Knuckles, unamused]'' 1,000,000% muscle. :'''Knuckles''': Yes, good, you've been listening. :'''G.U.N. Pilot''': We're over the drop zone. :'''Sonic''': All right, here we go. Showtime! :''[Sonic slides open the helicopter door, and the team looks down at the crossing]'' :'''Sonic''': Now, look, we don't know if it's Godzilla or Hello Kitty down there, but as long as we stick together, there is ''nothing'' we can't handle. Team Sonic on three! ''[As he counts up, he, Tails, and Knuckles each put their fists together one by one.]'' One, two, three... :'''All Three''': Teeeeeam... :'''Sonic and Tails''': ...Sonic! :'''Knuckles''': ''[at the same time]'' ...Knuckles! :'''Sonic''': ''[groans, then turns to Rockwell]'' [[Sonic Adventure 2|Talk about low budget flights. No food or movies? We're outta here!]] :''[Team Sonic jumps out of the helicopter, and the vocals of "Neon" kick in as they dive down to the crossing]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Knuckles''': What happened here? :'''Sonic''': Looks like G.U.N. got their butts kicked. Keep your eyes open. Tails, anything? :'''Tails''': Whoa. These energy readings are off the charts. :''[Suddenly, a G.U.N. humvee is chucked their way]'' :'''Sonic''': Look out! :''[Sonic and Tails brace for impact, but Knuckles steps in and catches the humvee, holding it up with one hand]'' :'''Knuckles''': 1,000,000%. ''[winks and tosses the humvee aside]'' :''[an ominous silhouette looms above in the smoke. Hearing footsteps, the team witnesses Shadow walking up a mound of fiery debris]'' :'''Sonic''': Whoa. Are you guys seeing this? :'''Tails''': He looks just like you. :'''Knuckles''': Impossible! :'''Shadow''': You're a colorful bunch. :'''Sonic''': Uh, excuse me. Why do you look like me? :'''Shadow''': I don't look like you. ''You'' look like ''me.'' Why do you look like me? :'''Sonic''': Hey, you know what? I'll ask the questions, new hedgehog. Who are you? Why do you look like me? :'''Shadow''': This is a waste of time. Walk away, before you get hurt. :'''Sonic''': Whoa, whoa. Easy, buddy. ''[takes out the electric handcuffs]'' We don't want to fight you. :'''Knuckles''': Actually, Sonic, I would like to fight. ''[Sonic pushes Knuckles aside]'' :'''Sonic''': Not now. ''[to Shadow]'' Would you stop throwing cars at us for a second, and come down here to talk? :'''Shadow''': You jumped out of a G.U.N. helicopter. There's nothing to talk about. ''[turns to leave]'' :'''Knuckles''': All right, then, enough! :'''Sonic''': Knuckles, no! :'''Knuckles''': ''[jumping after Shadow]'' Let us talk with our fists! :''[Shadow teleports to Knuckles and twists his fist. Knuckles shouts in pain, then Shadow kicks him upward, teleports, and kicks him again, repeating the combo before kicking him back down. Knuckles bounces off the pavement and crashes into a nearby store]'' :'''Sonic and Tails''': Knuckles! ''[they run over to help him up]'' :'''Sonic''': Knuckles, are you okay? :'''Knuckles''': No, not really, ow...! :''[Shadow teleports down to their level]'' :'''Tails''': Who ''is'' this guy? :'''Knuckles''': ''[as he and his friends get into fighting stances]'' He's much more impressive than [[Sonic the Hedgehog 2 (film)|the hedgehog I fought previously]]. :'''Sonic''': ''[annoyed]'' Dude, I'm standing right here. Now, come on, he can't take us all at once! ''[Shadow uses his teleportation ability to easily take down Team Sonic within seconds.]'' Okay, he took us all at once. ''[then collapses]'' :'''Shadow''': ''[walking past]'' Weakling. ''[commandeers a G.U.N. motorcycle. Sonic looks up in time to see him kick up a G.U.N. energy pistol into his hand]'' Don't try to follow me. :''[Shadow drives off while Sonic gets back up]'' :'''Tails''': Sonic, I know that look! Going after him is a bad idea! :'''Sonic''': When has that ever stopped me? ''[runs after Shadow, his eyes glowing blue]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Sonic''': Ugh. [[Back to the Future|1.21 gigawatts]]. ''[sees the handcuffs shackling him to a railing]'' Oh, you've gotta be kidding me. :'''Tails''': ''[arrives with Knuckles]'' Sonic! Are you okay? :'''Sonic''': I'm fine, guys. And before you ask me, I handcuffed myself for tactical reasons that I do not have time to explain. :'''Tails''': You shouldn't have gone off on your own. We're supposed to be a team. :'''Sonic''': Sorry, buddy. I'm still working on this teamwork thing. :'''Knuckles''': So, now what? :'''Sonic''': Well, I'm not jumping out of any more helicopters until we get some answers from G.U.N. We need somewhere to regroup. :'''Tails''': I know just the place! <hr width=50%> :'''Knuckles''': ''[screams]'' It's an ambush! You'll never take us alive, foul beasts! :'''Tails''': Calm down, Knuckles! This is a Chao Garden, one of the top ten must-see spots in all of Tokyo. It's the perfect place for us to blend in! :'''Japanese Girl''': ''[to Tails]'' Are you Detective Pikachu? :'''Sonic''': Yes, he ''is!'' :'''Knuckles''': ''[laughs]'' He does look like a Pokémon! ''[Tails looks annoyed as Knuckles begins to mimic the impression of Pikachu]'' Pika-Pika! Ha! :'''Sonic''': Commander Walters. :'''Walters''': ''[sitting down]'' Sonic. Thank God you're all okay. I'm sure you have questions. :'''Sonic''': Just a big, ticked off, red-and-black one. Who was that guy? :'''Walters''': Shadow's story began a lot like yours, Sonic. But where you found family and friends on this planet, Shadow found only pain and loss. ''[the scene cuts to 1974, where a shocked farmer walks out of his truck to have a look of a meteorite that contains Shadow inside] It begins over fifty years ago with a meteor crash in a quiet corner of Oklahoma. The meteorite contained a lifeform... the ultimate lifeform. [inside the meteorite, Shadow opens his eyes] Shadow’s power, his chaos energy, went far beyond any living creature. The scientists who discovered him believed this power would usher in a new era for humanity. But Shadow’s power proved too dangerous. A terrible accident destroyed the lab, taking human lives with it. The project leader was blamed for the incident and imprisoned. With the program cancelled, Shadow was a loose end no one knew how to deal with. Too dangerous to be walking free, too valuable to destroy. So I had to place him into stasis... [as the water rises from below the imprisoned Shadow, a young Walters watches him as the black hedgehog gives him one last angry look before disappearing completely] Indefinitely. [the scene fades back to the present]'' :'''Sonic''': Wait a second. If Shadow's been on ice for fifty years, someone had to help him escape. :'''Walters''': True, but there's only a few people in the world who even know of Shadow's existence. <hr width=50%> :'''Stone''': Doctor, we have visitors. :'''Dr. Ivo Robotnik''': ''Really?'' I thought I was having an anthropomorphic nightmare, where the only person I could trust in the world showed up with all my worst enemies, while I was in a bathrobe, playing congas on my ''big, fat belly!'' :'''Stone''': Sorry, sir. :'''Sonic''': I don't believe it. Eggman's alive? :'''Tails''': And he's never looked... worse. :'''Ivo Robotnik''': ''[chuckling]'' Well, maybe this is what "not giving a **** what you think I look like" looks like. :'''Stone''': Sir, right now, we have an even bigger problem. :'''Ivo''': Oh, come on... :'''Stone''': There's an imposter out there, using your technology. :'''Ivo''': ''[turning back to the monitor]'' "Imposter". That's impossi... What?! ''[recorded footage of the hacked egg drones plays on the monitor]'' No... My sweet, mechanized spawn! Whomever this party-pooping posse is looking for has stolen my persona, and the precious babies from my egg sac. Well, I'll soon "egg sac"-t my revenge. You see what I did there? ''[off Stone's laugh]'' It's time for the dramatic soap opera twist, where ''this'' Pablo reveals his Juan! ''[goes over to one of his devices, shoving trash out of the way.]'' By cross-referencing the precise coordinates of each drone's energy spikes, I can track my babies to the imposter's base of operations, right about… ''[points at a location]'' there. :'''Tails''': Sonic, I hate to say it, but I think we're both after the same person. :'''Sonic''': Hold on, hold on. You're not suggesting we team up with Doctor Ro-''butt-stink'', are you? :'''Knuckles''': Perhaps the fox is right. It could be our only chance to find this mysterious, more impressive hedgehog. :'''Sonic''': ''[groans]'' All right, Egghead, I hate to say it, but it looks like we're partners. :'''Ivo''': On one condition. ''[holds out his hand, gesturing Sonic to give him something]'' :'''Sonic''': ''[unfortunately knows what it is]'' Dude, you have serious issues. Ow! ''[plucks out one of his quills and begrudgingly gives it to Ivo. Ivo puts it to his tongue, and it shocks him with Chaos energy.]'' :'''Ivo''': Let's... ''[grabs Stone]'' '''DO THIS!!''' <hr width=50%> :''[Ivo noisily struggles in his changing room. Stone is startled but quickly regains his composure and continues to wait patiently until Ivo opens the door.]'' :'''Ivo''': Tinker Tailor, I need room. Think Elvis, circa 1976. :'''Stone''': But, sir, I don't have the proper materials. :'''Ivo''': ''[rips off Stone's shirt]'' Found some! ''[hands it to Stone, shuts the door]'' :'''Stone''': Resourceful. <hr width=50%> :''[In 1974, Maria and Shadow lie side by side in a field of flowers over the military base, gazing up at the stars in the night sky.]'' :'''Maria''': Wow. Look at all those stars. They're like diamonds. My grandfather says it can take hundreds of years for the light of a star to reach Earth, and by the time you see it, the star might not even exist anymore. Isn't that crazy? :'''Shadow''': The light shines... even though the star is gone. :'''Maria''': Yeah, it does. I wonder which one you came from, Shadow. :'''Shadow''': I don't know. I don't know anything about my home. :'''Maria''': This is your home, Shadow. Earth. :'''Shadow''': ''[sits up]'' Maria, do you think I'm... dangerous? :'''Maria''': ''[also sits up]'' What are you talking about? :'''Shadow''': The way the scientists look at me, I can tell they're afraid. Like I'm the horrible thing from that movie we watched. I don't know... what I am. :'''Maria''': You're my friend. And you can do or be anything you want. Not because of your powers, but because of who you are... in here. ''[points at Shadow's chest]'' :'''Shadow''': I don't know what I'd do without you. ''[smiles at Maria]'' :''[Maria smiles and holds Shadow's hand. They resume stargazing, with "End of the Line" starting up again. They share a brief look, smiling.]'' <hr width=50%> :''[In the present, Maria's record player abruptly scratches to a stop. After a moment, Shadow goes on to find his old capsule, now broken. He gazes into the glass from the outside and places his palm against it, just like Maria did when they first met, but sadly this time instead of happily. Suddenly, he hears footsteps, turning around and charging his fist with Chaos energy until he recognizes the figure, whose face is shrouded from the audience.]'' :'''Shadow''': Professor? :'''Professor''': It's good to see you, Shadow. I knew you'd come home. :'''Shadow''': I can't get her out of my head. The pain... It's too much. :'''Professor''': And that is why we have to punish them. <hr width=50%> :''[Outside, Sonic and Ivo emerge from a ring]'' :'''Sonic''': OK, I don't like you, and you don't like me. Let's get this over with quickly. :'''Ivo''': ''[bumps Sonic aside]'' Out of my way, Dork-upine. :'''Sonic''': ''[sarcastic]'' Dork-upine?! Really clever! :''[Tails, Knuckles, and Stone, still without a shirt, follow them to the base's doors as the Ring closes behind them.]'' :'''Ivo''': ''[knocks]'' This door is 6-inch-thick solid steel and a pressurized latch. I'll need a moment to calculate the molecular density and invert the venting mechanics. :'''Knuckles''': ''[simply punches the doors down]'' I unlocked it. :'''Ivo:''' Subtle as always, Fists-for-Brains. :''[Inside the base, Shadow hears the doors being knocked down]'' :'''Professor''': Easy, Shadow. Those are the guests I've been expecting. Let's give them a warm welcome. <hr width=50%> :''[Team Sonic, Ivo, and Stone enter the base.]'' :'''Stone''': Whoa, what is this place? :'''Sonic''': Looks like a military base, but nobody's been here for years. I wonder if it's haunted. :'''Knuckles''': Haunted? Nobody said anything about being haunted. :'''Stone''': What's the matter? You afraid of g-g-g-ghosts? :'''Knuckles''': Nothing scares an Echidna warrior. :'''Sonic''': Uh, yeah, do you remember what happened last movie night? ''[Cut to a brief flashback of Knuckles screaming in terror... at [[Casper (film)|Casper the Friendly Ghost]]. He holds onto his friends' hands, crushing them in the process.]'' AAAHH!! Let go-let go-let-go-let go! :''[Cut back to the present.]'' :'''Knuckles''': There's no such thing as a "friendly ghost". :''[Sonic rolls his eyes, unconvinced. Tails still visibly feels the pain in his hand. They soon come across three hallways.]'' :'''Sonic''': So, which way do we go? :'''Ivo''': I know! We should split up. Everyone with hideous, brightly colored fur take the left and the middle. Stone and I will go right. :'''Sonic''': No, no, no, no, no. I'm not letting you out of my sight. Tails, you and Stone go left. Knuckles, you take the middle. Eggman, you and I go right. :'''Ivo''': By all means. We could use some time together. To work on your trust issues. :'''Sonic''': You know what, you're right, I ''should'' be more trusting. I mean, [[w:Sonic the Hedgehog (film)|you've only tried to]] [[w:Sonic the Hedgehog 2 (film)|''kill me twice!'']] <hr width=50%> :'''Knuckles''': Just a dark, creepy hallway. Nothing to be afraid of. You hear that, ghost?! You don't frighten me! ''[a pipe blows steam behind, startling him.]'' Get… a… grip. ''[turns around to find Shadow right in front of him]'' :'''Shadow''': ''Boo''. :''[Knuckles screams in fright. Meanwhile, with Tails and Stone...]'' :'''Stone''': I'm just gonna come right out and say this... You're adorable. :'''Tails''': Oh, um, thanks. :'''Stone''': So, what's it like being Sonic's assistant? You have a daily routine? Paid time off? Benefits? :'''Tails''': Oh, I'm not Sonic's assistant. We're teammates! He's the leader, Knuckles is the muscle, and I'm the gadget guy. We all have a role to play. That's what makes the team so special. That and the fact we're best friends. :'''Stone''': ...you are? :'''Tails''': Well, yeah, just like you and Eggman, right? :'''Stone''': ''[stammering, nervously chuckling]'' Of course, yes! Me and the doctor, best of friends! ''[looks away, sadly]'' That's definitely what we are. ''[Then they hear something suspicious, but it's just a rat scurrying by. Behind them, Shadow menacingly floats down, his red eyes glowing in the dark. Stone and Tails turn around and scream in unison.]'' <hr width=50%> :''[Sonic and Ivo investigate a room housing Maria's old tent.]'' :'''Sonic''': Whoa, look at all this stuff. This was more than just a military base or a lab. It was a ''home''. People lived here. ''[finds a framed photo of Shadow and Maria with the glass broken]'' He had a family. :'''Ivo''': Is that what I smell? The stench of domestic harmony? :'''Sonic''': You ever wonder what your life would've been like if you had a family? :'''Ivo''': Hm... ''no.'' :'''Sonic''': Maybe you wouldn't have gone full supervillain. :'''Ivo''': I have no parents, no aunts, no uncles, and something about my attitude renders me... ''[looks at his reflection]'' ...undesirable to all possible genders. ''[Sonic follows a trail of footprints leading into the next room while Robotnik continues.]'' My future is a cul-de-sac. The Robotnik name ends... ''[pulls out Sonic's quill] ...avec moi.'' Yes, I know French. ''[shocks his tongue again]'' :''[Sonic's attention is diverted as he enters the adjacent lab housing Shadow's old capsule.]'' :'''Sonic''': Whoa, is this where you grew up, Shadow? No wonder you're so mad. This place could really use a beanbag chair and some comic books. What happened here? :''[As Sonic inspects the capsule, Shadow suddenly teleports in and smashes Sonic's head against it, cracking the glass even more.]'' :'''Shadow''': I'm tired of giving you warnings! ''[throws Sonic against the lab's machinery and charges a Chaos energy-infused punch, knocking Sonic out again.]'' :'''Ivo''': Where'd you go, hedgehog? I wasn't finished trauma-dumping. ''[looks around the room, he finds his drones neatly stacked and inactive.]'' My... darlings! ''[hugs his drones]'' My eggy-weggies! :''[Then the door to the room creaks open, and the Professor slowly enters, singing Barbara Streisand's "The Way We Were".]'' :'''Professor''': ♪ Memories... light the corners of my mind... misty watercolor memories... ♪ ''[walks into view, Ivo discovers that he bears a striking resemblance to him.]'' ♪ ...of the way we were... n't! ♪ :'''Ivo''': I... don't believe it. :'''Professor''': Don't you? :'''Ivo''': It's impossible. :'''Professor''': Is it? :'''Ivo''': It couldn't be. :'''Professor''': Couldn't it? :'''Ivo''': I'm... :'''Professor''': Are you? :'''Ivo''': ''Imposter!'' You stole my babies! ''[activates his drones via his glove]'' They know who their real daddy is, drone-napper! :'''Professor''': ''[laughs]'' Magnificent creations, my boy. I borrowed them to lure you here and reunite our family. You see, Ivo. ''[removes glasses]'' I'm your grandfather: Gerald Robotnik. :'''Ivo''': My... grandfather? But how? And why? And who did what with whom?! :'''Professor Gerald Robotnik''': You hail from an ancestry of excellence, tied directly ''à moi.'' Yes, I know French. :'''Ivo''': ''[closely inspecting]'' You do look like me. But fatter, and older. And there's that funny smell. But the resemblance is uncanny. It's as if... :'''Both''': We're two characters in a movie ''[slowly turning to the camera]'' being played by the [[Jim Carrey|same actor!]] :'''Ivo''': But I need ''real proof!'' :'''Gerald''': Ivo! We have very little time. ''[commands a drone via his glove to shoot at Gerald's feet. Gerald hops over the bullet and immediately reconsiders]'' But I could field a couple of queries. :''[Ivo starts walking around Gerald and quizzing him.]'' :'''Ivo''': Name the most elegant formula in mathematics. :'''Gerald''': [[Euler's identity]]: ''e'' to the ''i'' times pi plus one equals zilch. :'''Ivo''': European capitals arranged alphabetically by the fourth letter. :'''Gerald''': ''[yawns]'' [[Riga]], [[Monaco]], [[Sarajevo]], [[Tirana]]. :'''Ivo''': The [[speed of light]] divided by the speed of sound divided by the speed of the bus in the movie [[Speed (1994 film)|''Speed'']]. :'''Gerald''': ''[mimics calculator beeps]'' 17,893.33333... :'''Ivo''': Rounding up. :'''Gerald''': 17,893 mph. :'''Ivo''': And, for all the marbles... :'''Gerald''': Good, I lost mine. :'''Ivo''': A rare lung disease, and the longest word in the English dictionary. :'''Gerald''': Em... :'''Both''': [[w: Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis|Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis]]! :'''Ivo''': ''[whispering in shock]'' Pop-Pop? :'''Gerald''': In the saggy flesh. But lookin' pretty good for 110. ''[shocks his tongue on Shadow's quill]'' :'''Ivo''': ''[tearfully overjoyed]'' Oh, Grampy-poo! ''[hugs Gerald]'' Where have you been my entire life? ''[pulls back]'' Wait. ''[angrily]'' Where have you been my ''ENTIRE LIFE''?! :'''Gerald''': Locked in a top-secret prison for the last 50 years. Made it kinda hard to send Christmas cards. Now, you're probably wondering why I brought you here. :'''Ivo''': You didn't bring me here. I used my unparalleled intellect to track you down. :'''Gerald''': Per the plan I concocted with ''my'' unparalleled intellect. You'll see. I have the answer to everything. C'mon, kiddo. :''[Ivo follows Gerald with a skip in his step. Behind them, the drones form hearts in their optics.]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Sonic''': Oh, no. Someone tell me this is some kind of concussion-induced nightmare. There's '''''TWO''''' Eggmen now?! :'''Ivo''': Double your villains, double your fun! :'''Gerald''': Two Robotniks are way worse than one! :'''Ivo''': ''[to Gerald]'' Chest bump? No. ''[to Stone]'' Stone, why are you tied up? Do that on your own time. You sicken me. :'''Shadow''': You must be the long-lost grandson. :'''Ivo''': And you must be another stinking hedgehog. :''[Sonic redirects his attention to Gerald just as Tails and Knuckles regain consciousness.]'' :'''Sonic''': So, ''you're'' the one behind all this? The Shadow breakout. :'''Tails''': The attack on Walters! :'''Knuckles''': That musty old man smell? :'''Gerald''': How dare you insult me with your unsolicited exposition! Shadow, get the key. :'''Shadow''': ''[reaches his hand out]'' Where is it? :'''Sonic''': Ha! Good one, Hot Topic. Do you really think we'd be that stupid, to bring the key right to you? ''[Shadow takes the key from Tails' backpack.]'' Yup, we're that stupid. :'''Shadow''': G.U.N. took everything from us. And now ''we'' are going to take everything from ''them''. :'''Gerald''': With this. ''[activates a small hologram]'' My masterpiece of malevolence: the ''Eclipse Cannon''. In exchange for my freedom, I gave G.U.N. the most powerful weapon mankind has ever seen, capable of delivering a precision strike anywhere on Earth. Our first target: G.U.N. headquarters! :'''Sonic''': But firing a weapon that powerful could threaten millions of innocent lives! :'''Gerald''': Yeah, terabyte me! ''[Ivo chuckles at Gerald's pun]'' This is one of two keys required to launch the Eclipse Cannon. The other is locked inside G.U.N. headquarters. Once we have both, I will take rightful control of my weapon. :'''Ivo''': I'm in. :''[Ivo's crab mech floats down into the chamber.]'' :'''Gerald''': Holy crab! :'''Stone''': Spacious and crustaceous. :'''Ivo''': ''[to Team Sonic]'' Thank you so much for inspiring this little adventure. It really worked out for me. :'''Sonic''': And you wonder why I have trust issues! ''[As the Robotniks and Stone board the crab, Shadow teleports above Team Sonic.]'' Shadow, wait! Don't do this. I know you're hurting, but don't let that change who you are inside. :'''Shadow''': I've spent 50 years reliving what they did to her. ''[deploys a black hole orb with his Chaos energy]'' This ''is'' who I am inside. ''[drops the orb and then teleports into the crab]'' :'''Sonic''': Uh, nice magic marble. Real scary. ''[The orb unleashes a vortex, absorbing the base's ruins.]'' Aah! That actually is real scary! :'''Tails''': It's a mini black hole! It's going to suck in all the matter in this base! :''[A piece of debris knocks loose the pillar that the team is chained to, and they start being pulled in.]'' :'''Knuckles''': Fear not, friends! Even my ''teeth'' are muscles! ''[bites down on a loose cable, keeping the team from being absorbed]'' :'''Tails''': Sonic, try to reach one of my rings! :'''Sonic''': ''[manages to grab a ring from Tails' backpack]'' Got one! Check this out. Trick shot! ''[flips the ring up and kicks it to try to open it, but it keeps bouncing into debris being pulled in.]'' Come on... come on... come on! ''[Knuckles loses his grip, and the team is pulled towards the vortex, but the ring opens right in front of them, transporting them to safety at the edge of a nearby cliff. The team briefly celebrates before witnessing the black hole devouring the mountain and disappearing.]'' Yikes. Somebody better call Google Maps. <hr width=50%> :''[The crab's computer scans the crater where the mountain and abandoned base once sat: "No lifeforms detected".]'' :'''Ivo''': I've spent years trying to cleanse the cosmos of that spiny, blue speed freak, and you did it... in one afternoon. :'''Gerald''': There's nothing we can't destroy together, my boy. :'''Stone''': Charting route to G.U.N. headquarters in London, sirs. ETA: four hours, as the crab flies. :'''Gerald''': By all accounts, we're ahead of schedule. We should take this time to get to know each other better. :'''Ivo''': Wow, what...? You mean... spend some qu-qu-qu... ality time? :'''Gerald''': You've waited for this your whole life. How would you choose to spend one perfect day with your new grand pal? <hr width=50%> :''[The Wachowskis' living room is cluttered with signs of various activities, from loaves of bread, a knitting set, to a painting of Ozzy. Tom, dressed in a "Donut Lord" sweater, finishes building a model Taj Mahal at the table.]'' :'''Tom''': And done! Masterpiece. Look at that. :'''Maddie''': Yay! ''[wearing an "All or Muffin" apron, she brings more bread and joins Tom on the sofa.]'' It's really been great having time to ourselves. :'''Tom''': Right? Absolutely, I just feel so relaxed. You know, clear-headed? :'''Maddie''': Look at all these new interests we found. :'''Tom''': I've got so many hobbies. :'''Maddie''': ''[whispering]'' So many! :'''Tom''': After the action and adventure of the last few years, I could get used to this. :'''Maddie''': Same. :''[Suddenly, the room starts to shake. The bread pans wobble, puzzles break apart, and the model Taj Mahal comes tumbling down. A ring appears, and Team Sonic emerges, still chained up, with Knuckles in front.]'' :'''Sonic''': Tom, Maddie, we need your help on a super… Knuckles, do you mind? :'''Knuckles''': Oh, excuse me. ''[turns around so Sonic faces Tom and Maddie]'' :'''Sonic''': ''(Thank you.)'' Tom, Maddie, we need your help on a super dangerous, top-secret mission! :''[Tom and Maddie mull it over.]'' :'''Tom''': Thank God. :'''Maddie''': Let's go. :'''Tom''': ''[both getting up]'' Yeah, we're in. :'''Tails''': Really? You're in, just like that? :'''Tom''': Yeah. :'''Maddie''': ''[same time]'' Yes. It was getting so boring without you guys here. :'''Tom''': ''[overlapping]'' So boring. :'''Maddie''': No offense. :'''Tom''': No, none taken. ''[to Team Sonic]'' I mean, whatever crazy plan you're cooking up, the answer's yes. :'''Maddie''': Yes. :'''Sonic''': Great! But first thing's first, ''what is that?'' ''[points to a ventriloquist puppet of Tom with Sergeant Sprinkles.'' ''Tom picks it up off the floor. Maddie is unamused.]'' :'''Tom''': Oh, this is... ''[puts on a high-pitched voice]'' Little Tom! ''[in normal voice]'' Isn't he great? :''[Team Sonic is too stunned to speak.]'' :'''Maddie''': I told you to get rid of that. It's very creepy. :'''Tom''': ''[as Little Tom]'' I told ''him'' to get rid of ''you.'' ''[in normal voice]'' Okay, that's going a bit too far... :'''Maddie''': You're in so much trouble. :'''Tails''': ''[sets his Miles Electric on the living room table, creating a hologram of G.U.N. HQ.]'' Okay, this is it, the belly of the beast: G.U.N. headquarters in London. :'''Maddie''': Aw, Tom, we're finally gonna get to see London together...! :'''Tom''': Hey, I told you we'd get there someday, baby. :'''Sonic''': Okay, so here's the plan! I run in super fast, fly over that water, no problem, then right when I get to the-- ''[his hologram turns to ash upon running into G.U.N. HQ's shield, leaving only his shoes behind.]'' AAAH! What just happened? :'''Tails''': Congratulations, you just got incinerated by their energy shield. We'll need to shut it down by planting a USB drive in their server room. That will give me full control over it. ''(re: Tom and Maddie)'' That's what we need you two for. :'''Tom''': A couple bad-**** spies, that's what we are. :'''Maddie''': [[Mr. & Mrs. Smith|Mr. and Mrs. Smith.]] ''[fist bumps Tom]'' :'''Tails''': Once we disable the shield, you'll face... the laser hall. These high-density bad boys will cut you into tiny pieces. And cut those pieces into even tinier pieces. :'''Sonic''': Once again... AAH! Can't we just get [[Tom Cruise]] to do this? :'''Tails''': Nope, because not even he could break into... the vault. :'''Sonic''': Why is it empty in there? :'''Tails''': Because we have no idea what's on the other side of that door. To prevent the vault from ever being accessed by a ring, all images and schematics have been wiped from G.U.N.'s database. So, for the last leg of this heist... :'''Tom''': ''[as Little Tom]'' We're goin' in blind. ''[off Maddie's look, quietly]'' Sorry. :'''Maddie''': Okay, I'm just gonna say it. It sounds like this plan would work a heck of a lot better if Sonic used the Master Emerald to go golden god mode to get the key. :'''Sonic''': No way, Maddie. The Master Emerald is too powerful to ever use again. We made a promise to each other to keep it hidden. :'''Tails''': In a location only Knuckles knows. :'''Knuckles''': As Guardian of the Master Emerald, anyone who tries to take it away for ''any'' reason will become a ''sworn enemy.'' :'''Maddie''': Okay-okay, sheesh, no need to get all growly on me, buddy. :'''Sonic''': You guys are always telling us to make good choices. Well, this is the right choice. :'''Tom''': Okay! I guess we're going to... <hr width=50%> :'''Ivo''': ''[rises out of a manhole, joining Shadow, Stone, and Gerald in an alley as "London Town" by Giggs and Mr. Eazi plays. The G.U.N. headquarters sits across the Thames.]'' London, baby! :'''Shadow''': ''[to Gerald]'' G.U.N. headquarters is right there! Let me go in, get the key, and ''destroy'' anyone in my way! I want revenge! :'''Gerald''': Patience, Shadow. Just let us handle this. And I promise, you'll have revenge... on a scale you can't possibly imagine. :'''Ivo''': C'mon, granddaddio, we've got... dirt to do! ''[to Stone]'' Suits. :'''Stone''': Right here, sir. ''[presents a briefcase with two suits]'' :'''Ivo''': Stone, babysit the hedgehog. Keep the crab on a low boil. ''[to Gerald]'' It's time for more family bonding. ''[takes the suitcase, joins Gerald]'' :'''Stone''': C'mon, Shadow. Got fresh avocados in the crab. We'll make guac. ''[goes down the manhole]'' :'''Shadow''': ''[100% serious]'' ''Revenge'' guac! <hr width=50%> :''[Sonic sits on top of the London Eye capsule and immediately gets impatient, speaking into his comm with his friends and family.]'' :'''Sonic''': Guys? Are you ready for me yet? I've been waiting here ''all day''. :''[Tails flies to the roof of 20 Fenchurch Street, setting up his Miles Electric.]'' :'''Tails''': Sonic, we literally just started! Tom, Maddie, are you in position and ready? :''[On the ground, Tom and Maddie scout G.U.N. HQ with binoculars, dressed in G.U.N. soldier attires.]'' :'''Tom''': We were born ready. :'''Maddie''': Let's do this. :'''Tails''': Knuckles, how 'bout you? :'''Knuckles''': ''[kneels over one of Big Ben's gargoyles]'' I have taken my perch atop the giant clock. Now, where is this glass I'm supposed to break? :'''Sonic''': Actually, Knucks, your job is to break glass in case of emergency. :'''Knuckles''': Understood. I will ''shatter'' this glass like the jaw of a vile foe. :'''Sonic''': In case of ''emergency.'' :'''Knuckles''': I will ''pulverize'' it like the skull of a loathsome rival! :'''Sonic''': Just to be clear, the ''emergency'' is the important part. :'''Knuckles''': The glass will ''beg'' for mercy under the shadow of my mighty fist! :'''Tom''': Guys, remember, we're a team. Now, let's focus. :'''Maddie''': Please! :'''Sonic''': You know what? Let's move on. :'''Tails''': All right, everyone knows what to do. Tom and Maddie, you guys plant the USB drive. I'll disable the traps. Sonic will snag the launch key. And Knuckles, you stand by to... :'''Knuckles''': ''[eagerly puts his fists together]'' Break glass in case of emergency. :'''Sonic''': See? He gets it. :'''Maddie''': ''[to Tom]'' Then we're all set. :'''Tom''': Hologram time. ''[hands her a Tails-made disguiser]'' You go first. :'''Maddie''': ''[clicks her disguiser, turning her into a hologram version of Rachel, speaking with her voice]'' Tom! It's me, Rachel. Can you believe it? We're both in London together! :'''Tom''': Have you ''met'' your sister? Try again. Unless... you're not up for this mission? Yeah, maybe you wanna be back in Green Hills baking sourdough and-- :'''"Rachel"/Maddie''': ''[grabs Tom by the collar, acting abrasive]'' Thomas Michael Wachowski! You brought aliens to my wedding, punched up my husband, and buried me in an avalanche. Your day of reckoning is at hand! ''(That better?)'' :'''"Randall"/Tom''': ''[strained, scared]'' Yeah, that's perfect. ''[after being let go]'' Okay, now for her better half. ''[clicks his disguiser, turning into Randall Handel and admires the size of his own arms]'' Hoo-hoo, my name is Randall, and I am too much to "Handel". ''[flexes]'' Welcome to the gun show! ''["Rachel" nods along]'' Baby, would you describe me as jacked, juiced or shredded? :'''"Rachel"/Maddie''': I would describe your head as swollen. Let's get to work. <hr width=50%> :''[Tom, disguised as Randall, and Maddie, disguised as Rachel, enter G.U.N. HQ, marching to the agent at the front desk.]'' :'''"Randall"/Tom''': Agent Randall Handel. I'm here to have lunch with my lovely wife Rachel. :'''Front Desk Agent''': Oh, I'm sorry, Agent Handel, this facility's currently locked down. Command-level clearance only. :'''"Randall"/Tom''': One minute. ''[turns away, whispering into her comm]'' Tails, we have a problem here. :'''Tails''': They must've tightened security after Shadow's escape. :'''"Rachel"/Maddie''': I got this. ''[to the front desk agent]'' You must be new here. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Rachel... Rachel Gonna-Get-You-Fired. Do you know what G.U.N. stands for? :'''Front Desk Agent''': Of course. Guardian Units-- :'''"Rachel"/Maddie''': ''[mimics incorrect buzzer]'' Gettin'. Ultra. Nasty. Do ''you'' want ''me''… to get ultra nasty? Nasty-nasty?! :'''Front Desk Agent''': No, ma'am. :'''"Rachel"/Maddie''': Okay, then. Then go take those little sad fingers and start tippity type-type-typin'! ''[the front desk agent starts typing on the computer]'' Mmm-hmm. That’s right, go on. :'''Front Desk Agent''': Sorry for the inconvenience, ma'am. :'''"Rachel"/Maddie''': Mmm-hmm... ''That's'' what I ''thought!'' ''[passing through]'' My God, I ''love'' being Rachel! <hr width=50%> :''[Tom and Maddie lift their disguises and find the door to the server room. Maddie then disguises herself as Rockwell.]'' :'''Maddie''': Did it work? :'''Tom''': ''[admiring]'' Yeah... ''[Maddie smacks him]'' Ow! :'''Maddie''': ''[inputs a code at the door and speaks into the intercom.]'' Director Rockwell. Seeking access to the server room. :'''Agent's Voice''': Just one moment, ma'am. :''[Just as Tom and Maddie exchange smiles at their success, Tom sees something concerning down the hall.]'' :'''Tom''': Oh, no. No-no-no-no. It's her, it's her, it's the ''real her...!'' :''[Maddie turns around and sees the real Rockwell with a few soldiers walking their way.]'' :'''Rockwell''': ...the incident in Colorado. :'''G.U.N. Soldier''': Still assessing. :'''Rockwell''': What do you mean we're still assessing? :'''Tom''': What do we do? :'''Maddie''': ''[lifting her disguise]'' Quick, change faces! :'''Tom''': Okay. ''[frantically clicks his disguiser, but it instead cartoonishly distorts his face and voice with each click.]'' Did it work? ''[off Maddie's weirded out look]'' What's going on? Why're you looking at me like that? :''[the disguiser changes Tom's face to Sergeant Sprinkles, then the head of Little Tom]'' What am I doin' wrong? ''[the disguiser then changes Tom's face to Ozzy's. Maddie chops the disguiser, changing Tom into Randall again just before Rockwell and the soldiers approach. "Randall" salutes while Maddie turns away and pretends to look occupied.]'' :'''"Randall"/Tom''': Aye-aye, Captain! :''[Rockwell simply gives Tom a look and walks away with the soldiers without breaking stride.]'' :'''Maddie''': "Aye-aye, Captain"?! Who are you, [[Popeye]] (or what)? :'''Tom''': ''[lifting his disguise]'' I panicked! I was panicking. :'''Maddie''': Geez! Get it together. :''[The door to the server room finally opens.]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Sonic''': Are you guys finished yet? This is taking ''for-ev-er''! ''[does the Sonic Unleashed E-Rank emote, falling to his knees and slamming the capsule with his fist, accidentally getting the attention of the people inside.]'' Uh-oh. :'''Knuckles''': Has the time come to break the glass? Or at least break ''something''. <hr width=50%> :'''Tails''': It didn't work. :'''Sonic''': Did you put in the right way? :'''Knuckles''': Try punching it! :'''Tails''': Do ''not'' try punching it! :'''Tom''': Ah! Take it out and blow on it. :'''Maddie''': Yes! :'''Tails''': Oh, come on, Tom. ''[Tom blows into the drive a couple times, letting Maddie have a turn, too.]'' There's absolutely no scientific evidence to support-- ''[Tom puts the drive back in. The server room's lights turn yellow.]'' Never mind, it worked! :'''Tom''': A little trick from the 90s. :'''Maddie''': The best decade ever, right? ''[high-fives Tom]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Ivo''': ''[decloaks]'' The Robotniks have entered the chat. ''[realizes]'' Wait. Poppy seed? Grand geezer...? ''¿Dónde está--?'' :'''Gerald''': I'm right here! ''[decloaks]'' If you weren't family, I could've gut you like a pheasant! ''[rethinks]'' I mean... try to keep up. <hr width=50%> :''[Ivo's crab waits in the sewers. A familiar soap opera plays inside.]'' :'''TV Announcer''': And now back to... ''La Última Pasión.'' :'''Gabriella''': ''Última Pasión'' can only belong to one. :'''Juan''': No... it can only belong... to ''Juan!'' :''[reveals Shadow watching the show (and making memes come true) while Stone whips up some guac.]'' :'''Shadow''': Gabriella should kill them both. She's not a prize to be won. :'''Stone''': Kill this, murder that... You need to lighten up, Shadow. We're about to rule the world. :'''Shadow''': When we're done, there won't be anything left to rule. :'''Stone''': That is ''dark,'' even for you. What are you and the professor up to? <hr width=50%> :'''Gerald''': What now, my cunning cohort? :'''Ivo''': Just a little teamwork...! :'''Gerald''': Hey... The lasers... don't seem to be penetrating my suit. They're conforming to the shape of my bodacious bod. :'''Ivo''': Of course. I designed these suits to create a field of laser-bending thermal distortion. Wasn't sure it would work 'til now. :'''Gerald''': You're heartless, son. :'''Ivo''': Hmm. :'''Gerald''': Rotten to the core. :'''Ivo''': Mm-hmm. :'''Gerald''': I'm... so proud. So, now we can just dance right through. :'''Ivo''': That sounds like a challenge. <hr width=50%> :'''Tails''': The Robotniks are almost at the vault! :'''Sonic''': We're outta time. I'm going. :'''Tails''': No, Sonic! I haven't disabled the traps yet! :'''Sonic''': ''[loops around the London Eye and launches straight off]'' Too late! ''[hits the ground running]'' Look at me, I'm running on the wrong side of the road! ''[as the force field around G.U.N. HQ begins to build, Sonic, (de)touring London faster than the eye can see, dashes past Trafalgar Square]'' Oh, I gotta take in the sights. ''[He recreates the Beatles' album cover with his afterimages at Abbey Road...]'' Paul, John, George, the other one! ''[...spins up the Shaftesbury Memorial Fountain at Piccadilly Circus...]'' Loud American coming through! ''[...runs through Buckingham Palace one room at a time...]'' 'Scuse me! Pardon me! 'Ello, guv'nor! Which way to Hogwarts? ''[...comes out with a king's crown, coat, and scepter, along with a teacup...]'' Hear ye, hear ye, Sonic the Hedgehog wants a cuppa tea! ''[...and leaves them on an unsuspecting King's guardsman...]'' Hold this for me, please. ''[...before finally heading for G.U.N. HQ.]'' :'''Tails''': You're not gonna make it! :'''Sonic''': I can make it. ''[boosts forward and speeds up along the Tower Bridge, launching high in the sky.]'' :'''Knuckles''': You're not going to make it! :'''Sonic''': I can make it! ''[dives toward G.U.N. HQ, almost fully shielded]'' I'm not gonna make it. I'M NOT GONNA MAKE IT...! ''[Suddenly, Tails flies in, spinning Sonic around and throwing him through the shield before it closes.]'' Made it! :'''Tails''': Woo! :'''Sonic''': ''[runs into the lobby and up the stairs]'' Excuse me, comin' through! No time for autographs, gotta go, bye! <hr width=50%> :'''Ivo''': Our destiny awaits. :'''Sonic''': Stop right there, robo-scum! :'''Ivo''': Let's do this...! :'''Gerald''': Copy! :''[The Robotniks run into the vault, but a couple floor panels turn red and pull them to the floor.]'' :'''Sonic''': Too slow, Eggmen. Now if you don't mind, I gotta get that key-- ''[another floor panel turns green, suspending him off the ground]'' Whoa! My feet! Why can't I use my beautiful feet? :'''Rockwell''': Because... ''[walks in, holding the controls]'' this vault is armed with variable gravity. :'''Gerald''': No kidding? :'''Rockwell''': Green goes up, and red takes you down, ''hard.'' :'''Sonic''': Rockwell, listen to me. The Robotniks are planning to-- :'''Rockwell''': ''[spitefully flicks Sonic]'' Oh, they're planning on stealing the second key, just like you are? Yes, I'm aware. ''[pulls the key]'' I called it the second Commander Walters was attacked, so... thank you for taking the bait and falling right into my trap. :'''Ivo''': I don't believe this. :'''Gerald''': I know, grandson. A ''woman'' in the military. <hr width=50%> :''[G.U.N. soldiers bring Tom, Maddie, and Tails into the vault. They find Sonic and the Robotniks trapped by Rockwell and the vault's variable gravity.]'' :'''Tom''': Robotnik. Goin' full spandex, huh? ''(re: Gerald)'' Who's the fossil? :'''Ivo''': That's my grandfather, you dough-eating ''dim''-becile! :'''Gerald''': ''(re: Tom and Maddie)'' Who are they? :'''Ivo''': A couple of bleeding hearts, here to rescue their emotional support animals. :'''Rockwell''': Enough! It's over. The only way you're leaving here is in handcuffs. There is no other way out. :'''Sonic''': You know, there might be ''one'' other way out. :'''Rockwell''': And what is that supposed to mean? :'''Sonic''': ''[on Knuckles' comm]'' Hey, big guy, I think it's time to... :'''Knuckles''': ''[launches off the face of Big Ben, propelled forward by the Flames of Disaster]'' Break glass in case of emergency! ''[glides straight through G.U.N. HQ's energy shield and breaks into the vault, roaring and slamming his flaming fist down against the floor. The resulting shockwave blasts Rockwell back, and Knuckles snags the vault's gravity controls from her.]'' Ha! Nothing can stop Team Knuckles! :'''Rockwell''': Open fire! :''[The soldiers obey, firing on Sonic, who frantically flips over their shots.]'' :'''Sonic''': Knuckles, turn this stuff off! Hurry! :'''Knuckles''': ''[thumbs up]'' On it! ''[smashes the controls with his fist. The controls turn all red, forming an X-eyed frowny face]'' Uh-oh. :''[Tails facepalms as the vault's gravity goes haywire, randomly sending soldiers up and down.]'' <hr width=50%> :''[As Rockwell hurries rounds a corner with the second key, she sees Tom (disgusted as Walters) with a cast down the hall, much to her surprise]'' :'''Rockwell''': Commander Walters, sir. You're... :'''"Walters"/Tom''': Still alive? I'll die before I let that key fall into the wrong hands. ''[Rockwell walks up]'' Thanks for keeping it safe. I'll take from here. :''[Rockwell instinctively feels that something seems off...]'' :'''"Walters"/Tom''': That's an ''order,'' Director Rockwell. ''[...but she can't refuse handing him the key]'' Now, organize the reinforcements. :'''Rockwell''': Yes, sir. ''[marches off]'' :'''Tom''': ''[exits the corridor, clicks his disguiser and briefly changes to normal to radio the others with his real voice]'' Guys, guys, I got the key. I repeat, I got the key. Now, let's get outta here. ''[changes back into Walters, but suddenly Shadow crashes down from the ceiling]'' :'''Shadow''': ''[vengefully]'' Commander Walters! :'''"Walters"/Tom''': No, no, no, wait! :''[Shadow teleports and delivers a Chaos energy-infused punch, knocking Tom unconscious. As Shadow takes the dropped second key, the disguiser deactivates and changes Tom back, much to Shadow's confusion]'' :'''Shadow''': What? :'''Sonic''': ''[running in]'' Tom, everyone's clear! Come on, let's go! ''[sees Shadow]'' You. What are you...? ''[sees an unconscious Tom]'' Tom! ''[runs over to Tom on the floor, trying to wake him up; voice breaking]'' Tom, what happened? Speak to me, come on. Come on, come on, come on, it's going to be okay. Please, please, please, get up. Come on, please, wake up. Wake up, wake up, wake up, come on. Wake up, wake up, wake up, ''wake up!'' :'''Shadow''': ''[watches, reminded of when he was in the same position as Maria after she was killed by the explosion; in a flashback]'' Maria... :'''Sonic''': ''[to Shadow; angrily]'' What did you do?! :'''Shadow''': ''[looks at the key, remembers the mission, and steels himself]'' What I had to. ''[teleports away as Maddie, Tails and Knuckles run inside]'' :'''Maddie''': Oh, my God, Tom! ''[the trio heads over to Tom's unconscious body]'' <hr width=50%> :''[In the Eclipse Cannon, Gerald waits in his new suit while Ivo finishes putting on his own.]'' :'''Ivo''': ♪ I'm a chip off the old block, I'm a chip off the old block, I'm a chip off the old block... ♪ ''[suddenly, "E.G.G.M.A.N." rings from his suit, makes a phone sign with his hand and speaks into his glove.]'' What do you want, Stone? I'm busy. :''[Stone talks into his smartphone back outside by the Thames.]'' :'''Stone''': Doctor, I have a bad feeling about this. I don't think your grandfather's been completely honest with us. Something Shadow said... There's more to their plan. :'''Ivo''': How ''dare'' you... You've been jealous of my long-lost grand pop-tart since the very beginning! I no longer require your obsequious groveling. Consider this your notice of termination. Your letter of reference will be L for "loser." Of course, I'll expect you to stay on until you've been successfully cloned, but ''you and I are done!'' Like a blackened catfish dinner! :'''Stone''': Sir, it's too dangerous, and I'm not there to protect you! I already lost you once, I...! :'''Ivo''': ''[hanging up]'' Unsubscribe. Blocked and reported. :'''Stone''': ...I can't lose you again. <hr width=50%> :'''Tails''': It'll be okay, Sonic. :'''Sonic''': It'll be okay? Tom is fighting for his life, and you think it'll be okay? :'''Knuckles''': The fox is simply trying to comfort you. :'''Sonic''': Comfort's not what I need right now. I need to stop them. By any means necessary. :'''Tails''': Wait, you don't mean...? :'''Sonic''': The Master Emerald. :'''Knuckles''': The emerald must never be wielded for vengeance. Not ever. We swore a sacred oath. :'''Sonic''': Don't talk to me about oaths, not now. :'''Tails''': But you told Tom using the emerald wasn't the right choice. :'''Sonic''': Well, now it's the ''only'' choice! And if neither of you have the guts to help me, then I'll do it alone. :'''Tails''': But I thought the three of us were a team! I thought that's what made us special! :'''Sonic''': I'm not asking you twice, Knuckles. ''[powers his fists]'' Where is the Master Emerald? :'''Knuckles''': ''[also powers his fists]'' Your heart is being consumed by anger, hedgehog. You are in no condition to make decisions right now. :'''Tails''': I know you're upset about Tom. We all are! :'''Sonic''': Last chance. Where... ''[his eyes glow blue with rage]'' ''is it?!'' :'''Knuckles''': ''[his eyes glow red with anger]'' Don't do this. ''[then hesitantly calms down a moment later]'' Part of our oath is to trust each other, and I must abide by that promise even if you have chosen to break it. But heed this warning. The Master Emerald is guarded by a fearsome warrior, and to seize this ultimate power, you will have to go… ''through him.'' <hr width=50%> :'''Ivo''': ''[along with Gerald watching Shadow running at super-speed around the Cannon's core.]'' Excuse me, Grampasadoble. What is that thermonuclear gerbil doing? :'''Gerald''': Infusing the core with Chaos Energy. That's my little secret: the Eclipse Cannon is about to turn this planet into a flaming pile of rubble, wiping out everything in a 25,000-mile radius... including us. :'''Ivo''': '''WHAT?!''' ''[laughing incredulously]'' We can't annihilate the Earth! By combining our genius, we can rule humanity. Together! :'''Gerald''': Humanity is a failed experiment. If anyone should know that, it's you. All your life, you've been rejected by this world. You have nothing down there... no one who cares about you. :'''Ivo''': But I have ''you'' now. We're family... we have each other. :'''Gerald''': ''[coldly]'' Oh, Ivo... '''you're no Maria.''' The moment I lost her, my family was gone forever. The only way to give Maria's life meaning is to destroy the world that took her from me... '''so I'm ''burning it all down!''' :'''Shadow''': ''[teleports back down]'' It's done. :'''Gerald''': Good work, Shadow. I'm prepping the firing sequence. ''[flicks a switch]'' The weapon will be fully charged in ten minutes. :'''Shadow''': ''[puts his hand to the window, and looks out at Earth below]'' It's almost finished, Maria. You ''will'' have justice. ''[then notices a golden light flying up from the planet]'' :'''Gerald''': What is that? :'''Shadow''': Is G.U.N. launching missiles at us? :'''Gerald''': Impossible. It's moving too fast. :'''Ivo''': ''[takes out Sonic's quill, which changes from blue to gold before his eyes, realizing]'' It's ''him...!'' :''[The light, revealing to be Super Sonic, blitzes Shadow straight out of the Eclipse Cannon, leaving a hole in the glass window. A metal door seals the hole before the Robotniks can be pulled into space.]'' :'''Super Sonic''': ''[enraged]'' You've hurt my family! This ends ''now!'' :'''Shadow''': Now you know ''my'' anger. The pain I felt for ''fifty years!'' And you’ve made the same choice I did. :'''Super Sonic''': I'm nothing like you! :'''Shadow''': We'll see. :''[Super Sonic and Shadow re-enter the atmosphere and crash-land in a volcanic region, creating a crater upon impact. Once the dust clears, Super Sonic notices that Shadow has vanished.]'' :'''Super Sonic''': Show yourself, coward! :''[Shadow shows himself behind Super Sonic and knocks the Chaos Emeralds out of him, reverting Sonic to his base form. They see the Emeralds falling in the air and both make a mad dash for them at the same time. A pillar of golden light shoots up from the Emeralds, and when it leaves, Sonic sees that he has regained his Super form... but Shadow has also gained his for the first time, his limiter rings glowing with power and his fur whitish gold. Super Sonic tries to punch Super Shadow, but the latter effortlessly blocks, the impact causing the earth to crack beneath their feet.]'' :'''Super Shadow''': You were right about one thing... This ends ''now.'' ''[strikes back at Super Sonic, and a fight for the ages begins between two hedgehogs full of anger and godlike power. The Robotniks watch them fight around the world from the Eclipse Cannon]'' :'''Gerald''': What's happening? Where are they? :'''Ivo''': ''[points up]'' Up there. :'''Gerald''': ''[looks up]'' Where? :'''Ivo''': Higher. :'''Gerald''': ''[looks higher]'' Hmm? :''[Ivo chops Gerald in the neck, causing the latter to fall in pain]'' :'''Ivo''': Left yourself open. ''[runs for the Cannon's controls]'' :'''Gerald''': Ivo! What are you doing?! :'''Ivo''': Thwarting your evil plan! :''[Gerald catches up to him with a nano jetpack. Both Robotniks begin fighting each other, and they start by grabbing each other's mustaches.]'' :'''Both''': ''[screaming]'' WHOA-WHOA-WHOA-WHOA-WHOA-WHOA! OW-OW-OW-OW-OW-OW! :'''Ivo''': Not the mustache! :'''Gerald''': Agreed! :'''Ivo''': Let go on three. One, two, three! ''[they both let go and shake their mustaches before Gerald creates a giant fist out of nanobots]'' Ooooh... A nanofist. I haven't seen that since I hate-watched ''[[Green Lantern (film)|Green Lantern]]'' in 2011! :'''Gerald''': I was saving it for Comic-Con. But now there won't ''be'' a Comic-Con! ''[slaps Ivo which sends him flying]'' :''[Super Sonic and Super Shadow continue their fight all the way to Greece. Super Shadow teleports behind Super Sonic and kicks him down into the Parthenon]'' :'''Super Shadow''': Why are you alone? Where are your friends? ''[Super Sonic merely grunts in pain.]'' They tried to stop you, didn't they? But you came anyway. Your anger was too much. What kind of hero abandons his ''friends'' to pursue revenge? Abandons his ''family?'' :'''Super Sonic''': Don't you ''dare'' talk about my family! :'''Super Shadow''': And here I thought you cared for them. Especially the one... What's his name? ''Tom?'' ''[with rage exploding, Super Sonic punches Super Shadow so hard that he sends him straight to the '''moon''' and knocks him out of his Super form. Super Sonic comes charging after him, grabbing him by the chest fur, his fist poised to deliver the killing blow]'' Go ahead! Finish it! ''[Super Sonic pants heavily, ready to hit, but still hesitates]'' What are you waiting for?! Do it! ''[points at his heart]'' I’m right here! :''[Super Sonic's eyes widen, remembering Tom's words in the old cave]'' :'''Tom''': You didn't let your pain change who you are... ''[points at Sonic's heart]'' in here. :'''Super Sonic''': ''[calms down and lets Shadow go, looking at himself with remorse]'' This is not who I am. :'''Shadow''': What are you doing? You won. Take your revenge. :'''Sonic''': ''[reverts to base form, sits down sadly]'' There are no winners with revenge. :''[The two hedgehogs sit in somber silence. Shadow looks up at the stars.]'' :'''Maria''': ''[echoing in Shadow's mind] Wow. Look at all those stars. They're like diamonds.'' :'''Shadow''': The last time I sat beneath stars like this, I was with her. I've felt this pain for so long, it's all I know. :'''Sonic''': When I lost Longclaw, I felt the same way. :'''Shadow''': Did your pain eventually go away? :'''Sonic''': No. But in time, I learned there's something more powerful than pain. The love we felt for each other. That's what you need to hold on to, Shadow. Maria might be gone, but your love will always remain. :''[at that moment, the sun peaks out from behind Earth, illuminating them both]'' :'''Shadow''': The light shines, even though the star is gone. ''[Sonic sees Shadow's understanding, along with the Eclipse Cannon still looming over the planet in the distance]'' This whole mess is my fault. I've been so blinded by rage, I thought... I had no choice. :'''Sonic''': ''[stands up, offers his hand]'' You ''always'' have a choice. ''[Shadow thinks for a second, then takes Sonic's hand and gets back up]'' Making the right one is never easy. One more thing I learned, is that when you ''really'' screw something up... you can't fix it on your own. ''[as a familiar tune begins to shred, Shadow smiles for the first time since after fifty years, and the two hedgehogs dap up into their Super forms once more, readying themselves for the final battle]'' Gotta go fast! :'''Super Shadow''': Don't tell me you've got a catchphrase. :'''Super Sonic''': That's right, new hedgehog, and everyone loves it! :''[at long last, the vocals of Crush 40's "Live and Learn" kick in, and Super Sonic and Super Shadow launch off the moon together toward the Eclipse Cannon]'' :'''Gerald''': ''[spanking Ivo with his nanofist]'' I. Will. Not. Try. To stop. My. Elders. From. Destroying. The. World! :''[Ivo makes a nano drill and drives it into Gerald's foot, who shouts in pain and relents, so Ivo rolls away and gets to his feet]'' Playtime is over! ''[makes a pair of nano scorpion pincers and a tail, the latter destroying the Eclipse Cannon controls]'' :'''Gerald''': There's no going back now! :'''Ivo''': ''[to his glove]'' Set up defense. ''[accidentally makes a fence]'' **** you, autocorrect! ''[Gerald lunges to attack with his pincers;'' ''to his glove]'' Mantis. ''[makes a pair of mantis blades, hovering around Gerald's next attack via mantis wings.]'' I'm right here, arach-nerd. ''[Gerald lunges again, but Ivo catches his pincer with one mantis blade and slices off part of his mustache with the other.]'' Hahahahaaa...! That's what I call "mantiscaping". :'''Gerald''': That's elder abuse! ''[prepares his pincers for another attack, only to spin around and whip Ivo off the platform with his scorpion tail. Ivo hangs on the edge, but before Gerald can finish him off, the Eclipse Cannon's alarm and computer voice divert his attention.]'' :'''Computer''': ''[repeating]'' Alert. :'''Gerald''': ''[retracts his nano weapons and sees Super Sonic and Super Shadow on the monitor]'' Shadow, I see you've chosen betrayal. And you were once so useful to me. <hr width=50%> :'''Super Sonic''': Ready to recycle some tin cans? :'''Super Shadow''': Just try to keep up. <hr width=50%> :'''Ivo''': ''[hanging over the Eclipse Cannon's hatch]'' Please, Grampsy! Don't do this. :'''Gerald''': Sorry, kiddo. "Bring Your Grandkid to Work Day" is over. ''[opens the hatch, causing Ivo to hold on for dear life]'' Any last words? :'''Ivo''': Just... one thing... that I never thought I’d say. :'''Gerald''': What is it? ''[mockingly]'' "I love you"? :'''Ivo''': No. It was something even better, but I'm not gonna say it if that's the way you're gonna be! :'''Gerald''': ''[nonchalantly]'' 'Kay. Bye. ''[stomps on Ivo’s hand, sending him falling,'' ''laughs evilly and sighs]'' Grandchildren. All the fun and none of the responsibility. :''[However, Ivo flies back inside, carrying Knuckles and being carried by Tails through their ring, while holding Super Sonic's glowing quill]'' :'''Ivo''': Who said life was pointless? :'''Gerald''': ''[shocked]'' Huh? :'''Ivo''': ''[sneers]'' Oh, right. ''You'' did. ''[uses the quill to zap Gerald behind, sending him flying into the energy field, disintegrating and killing him instantly]'' :'''Tails''': Whoo-hoo! :'''Knuckles''': Victory! :'''Ivo''': Say what you want about my granddad... He made one **** of a bug zapper. ''[blows on the quill and tosses it aside]'' :'''Tails''': We've gotta stop that laser! :'''Ivo''': I knew there was ''something'' I was forgetting. <hr width=50%> :'''Super Shadow''': We're out of time! The cannon is about to fire! Where are you? :'''Super Sonic''': Oh, you know, just makin' friends. ''[flies in Super Shadow's direction, the last of the G.U.N. hunters rounded up and chasing him.]'' They're all yours! ''[Super Shadow unleashes dozens of Chaos Spears and destroys the Hunters. Now unimpeded, the two hedgehogs head for the Eclipse Cannon.]'' Follow me! ''[they enter the Eclipse Cannon's line of fire just as the timer reaches zero.]'' Now, this might hurt a little! :''[The Eclipse Cannon fires, but they struggle to block the beam with Super Sonic's energy.]'' :'''Super Shadow''': So, ''this'' was your plan?! :'''Super Sonic''': ''[grunts]'' Would someone mind shutting down the giant death ray?! <hr width=50%> :''[The Eclipse Cannon is about to blow, but Ivo tries to stabilize it. After containing some explosions, he deploys a camera drone and makes an announcement]'' :'''Ivo''': This is Dr. Ivo Robotnik, dedicating my final livestream to one very special henchman... ''[on a London jumbotron]'' Agent Stone. :'''Stone''': No, no. Doctor, wait! :'''Ivo''': If I can't rule the world, I might as well save it, for the one and only person who ever cared about me... :'''Stone''': ''[pleadingly]'' Don't do this, Doctor, please! :'''Ivo''': Stone, you were more than a sycophant to me. You were... a syco-''friend.'' ''[Stone tears up]'' I'll miss your lattes with steamed Austrian goat milk. I love the way you make 'em! ''[Stone smiles emotionally]'' So, I guess there's only one thing left to say. ''[makes robotic noises and movements]'' It's been a real drag! Thanks for nothing. ''[the explosion seemingly engulfs both Ivo ''and'' Shadow as the Eclipse Cannon finally blows up]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Tails''': Sonic, look. ''[they look and saw the explosion up in the sky]'' Shadow and Robotnik. They sacrificed themselves to save everyone. :'''Sonic''': You always have a choice. Guys, I'm really sorry for running off like that. I shouldn't have left you behind. The truth is... you're the best teammates a hedgehog could ever ask for. And the best friends. Can you ever forgive me? ''[Knuckles ponders for a moment before raising his fist up for a fist-bump]'' :'''Knuckles''': Team Sonic? :'''Sonic''': ''[smiles and hugs Knuckles instead]'' How about just "Team"? :''[the three all hug together]'' <hr width=50%> :'''Sonic''': And way out in front, to the surprise of absolutely no one, it's the Blue Blur, often imitated, never duplicated, the one, the only-- :'''Knuckles''': ''[punches through a tree]'' Let's do this! :'''Tails''': Yeah! ''[activates a winged jetpack]'' Ha-ha-ha! :'''Sonic''': All right, boys, try and keep up! :''[the team races off into the sunset in high spirits]'' <hr width=50%> :''[Sonic arrives at what he thinks is the finish line for his race]'' :'''Sonic''': Sonic the Hedgehog is Family Champion once again! ''[looks around]'' Tails? Knuckles...? ''[sees a sign for the New York State Park]'' Okay... Yeah, I overshot the finish line. ''[a crack of lightning appears behind Sonic, revealing a look-like robot of himself (Metal Sonic) crouching in a Terminator-like fashion. His eyes light up, and he starts to walk towards Sonic]'' Okay, so how do I get back...? ''[Metal Sonic starts charging his arm cannon before firing it at Sonic and destroying a part of the forest. He then looks around and sees that Sonic is still alive]'' Pro tip: if you're gonna take a shot at the fastest creature in the universe... ''[punches Metal with a chaos energy-infused punch, knocking him back]'' …you better not miss. ''[Metal readjusts his hands and head to face Sonic]'' Uh, I'm flattered by the cosplay, but you got a few details wrong. ''[Metal's eyes narrow]'' I can't blame ya, though. It's hard to copy perfection. ''[suddenly, several red eyes light up in the background, revealed to be a surrounding squadron of silver Metal Sonics]'' That's a new trick. ''[the Metal squad charges at Sonic, but before they can reach him, a hammer enveloped in pink energy comes in and slams them one-by-one. The hammer then flies back to a hooded figure jumping in before the broken moon, who smashes the last remaining one]'' What? Who are you?! :''[the figure removes its hood, revealing itself to be a pink female hedgehog named Amy Rose, who smiles confidently at him]'' ==Deleted scenes== ''(during the scene where Sonic, Tails and Knuckles encounter an overweight Robotnik)'' :'''Agent Stone''': He's also become a very big fan of telenovelas after his multiple surgeries in Mexico. ''(flashback plays, showcasing the aftermath of Robotnik's defeat in the previous movie; voice over)'' He broke every bone and punctured every organ in his body when he fell off that mech. ''(in the flashback, Stone carried Robotnik in his shoulders, and nursed him to health. Cut to present)'' :'''Robotnik''': Steam sales aren't covered by my insurance. But it doesn't matter, anymore. My days of evil-doing are over. == Cast == *'''[[w:Ben Schwartz|Ben Schwartz]]''' — Voice of [[w:Sonic the Hedgehog (character)|Sonic]] *'''[[Jim Carrey]]''' — [[w:Doctor Eggman|Ivo]] and [[w:List of Sonic the Hedgehog characters#Professor Gerald Robotnik|Gerald]] Robotnik *'''[[Keanu Reeves]]''' — Voice of [[w:Shadow the Hedgehog|Shadow]] *'''[[Idris Elba]]''' — Voice of [[w:Knuckles the Echidna|Knuckles]] *'''[[w:Colleen O'Shaughnessey|Colleen O'Shaughnessey]]''' — Voice of [[w:Tails (Sonic the Hedgehog)|Tails]] *'''[[w:James Marsden|James Marsden]]''' — [[w:List of Sonic the Hedgehog characters#Tom and Maddie Wachowski|Tom Wachowski]] **'''[[w:Shemar Moore|Shemar Moore]]''' — Randall (disguise) *'''[[w:Tika Sumpter|Tika Sumpter]]''' — [[w:List of Sonic the Hedgehog characters#Tom and Maddie Wachowski|Maddie Wachowski]] **'''[[w:Natasha Rothwell|Natasha Rothwell]]''' — Rachel (disguise) *'''[[w:Lee Majdoub|Lee Majdoub]]''' — Stone *'''[[Krysten Ritter]]''' — Director Rockwell *'''[[w:Adam Pally|Adam Pally]]''' — Wade *'''[[w:Alyla Browne|Alyla Browne]]''' — [[w:List of Sonic the Hedgehog characters#Maria Robotnik|Maria Robotnik]] *'''[[w:Tom Butler (actor)|Tom Butler]]''' — Walters **'''James Wolk''' (young) == External links == {{wikipedia|Sonic the Hedgehog 3 (film)}} *{{Commonscat-inline|Sonic the Hedgehog 3 (film)}} {{Sonic the Hedgehog}} [[Category:2024 films]] [[Category:2020s American animated films]] [[Category:American computer-animated films]] [[Category:Japanese computer-animated films]] [[Category:American children's animated action films]] [[Category:American children's animated adventure films]] [[Category:American children's animated comic science fiction films]] [[Category:American children's animated science fantasy films]] [[Category:American children's animated superhero films]] [[Category:Theatrically released animated superhero films]] [[Category:Sonic the Hedgehog]] [[Category:Reboot animated films]] [[Category:American robot films]] [[Category:American films with live action and animation]] [[Category:Films based on video games]] [[Category:Animated films about revenge]] [[Category:Animated films based on video games]] [[Category:Animated films about robots]] [[Category:Animated buddy films]] [[Category:Animated films about foxes]] [[Category:Animated films about friendship]] [[Category:Films about terrorism]] [[Category:Films set in Tokyo]] [[Category:Films set in Montana]] [[Category:Films set in London]] [[Category:Films based on Sonic the Hedgehog]] [[Category:American sequel films]] [[Category:Films about revenge]] [[Category:Buddy films]] [[Category:Films about child death]] t4ezd4slypb0ti4xnqqyxrxr876ms4n 0 284032 3779087 3639310 2025-07-15T11:32:55Z SolarisQ 3137151 Used hebrew template 3779087 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Keter (Habib).jpg|thumb|right|[[w:Keter|Keter]] as depicted in a [[w:Mizrah#Mizrah in Jewish homes|''Mizrach'']] printing by Samuel Habib (1828).]] '''[[w:Keter|Keter]]''' or '''Kether''' (Hebrew: [[Wiktionary:כּתר|{{hebrew|style=sans-serif|כֶּתֶר}}]], lit. "crown") is the first of the ten [[w:Sefirot|sefirot]] in the Kabbalistic [[Tree of life (Kabbalah)|Tree of Life]]. Transcending human understanding, it symbolizes the divine will and the initial impulse towards creation from the [[w:Ein Sof|''Ein Sof'']], or infinite source. {{stub}} == Quotes == * The word for Crown is [[w:Keter|''Keter'']] ([[Wiktionary:כּתר|{{hebrew|style=sans-serif|כֶּתֶר}}]]), and [[w:Abraham Abulafia|Abulafia]] notes that when these letters reversed, they spell ''karet'' ([[Wiktionary:כרת|{{hebrew|style=sans-serif|כָּרֵת}}]]), which means "cut off." Thus, when an individual attempts to reach the highest level of the Crown, if he is not worthy, he can end up being "cut off" spiritually. Abulafia therefore warns in the strongest terms that one who attempts to enter these mysteries must be adequately prepared, and that one not enter unless he is thoroughly familiar with all the necessary introductions. ** Aryeh Kaplan: [https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/904836.Meditation_and_Kabbalah ''Meditation and Kabbalah''], ch. 3, "Rabbi Abraham Abulafia", p. 80. Weiser Books (1982). {{ISBN|0-87728-616-7}}. == See also == * [[Kabbalah]] * [[Tree of life (Kabbalah)]] == External links == {{wikipedia}} [[Category:Judaism]] bg0ft0dpuzfb3xdh0xb2fqjg0oyq2cg 3779089 3779087 2025-07-15T11:33:22Z SolarisQ 3137151 Serif typeface for Hebrew text 3779089 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Keter (Habib).jpg|thumb|right|[[w:Keter|Keter]] as depicted in a [[w:Mizrah#Mizrah in Jewish homes|''Mizrach'']] printing by Samuel Habib (1828).]] '''[[w:Keter|Keter]]''' or '''Kether''' (Hebrew: [[Wiktionary:כּתר|{{hebrew|כֶּתֶר}}]], lit. "crown") is the first of the ten [[w:Sefirot|sefirot]] in the Kabbalistic [[Tree of life (Kabbalah)|Tree of Life]]. Transcending human understanding, it symbolizes the divine will and the initial impulse towards creation from the [[w:Ein Sof|''Ein Sof'']], or infinite source. {{stub}} == Quotes == * The word for Crown is [[w:Keter|''Keter'']] ([[Wiktionary:כּתר|{{hebrew|כֶּתֶר}}]]), and [[w:Abraham Abulafia|Abulafia]] notes that when these letters reversed, they spell ''karet'' ([[Wiktionary:כרת|{{hebrew|כָּרֵת}}]]), which means "cut off." Thus, when an individual attempts to reach the highest level of the Crown, if he is not worthy, he can end up being "cut off" spiritually. Abulafia therefore warns in the strongest terms that one who attempts to enter these mysteries must be adequately prepared, and that one not enter unless he is thoroughly familiar with all the necessary introductions. ** Aryeh Kaplan: [https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/904836.Meditation_and_Kabbalah ''Meditation and Kabbalah''], ch. 3, "Rabbi Abraham Abulafia", p. 80. Weiser Books (1982). {{ISBN|0-87728-616-7}}. == See also == * [[Kabbalah]] * [[Tree of life (Kabbalah)]] == External links == {{wikipedia}} [[Category:Judaism]] qqqqyinnc12usxvhkt3ksfpyvvsds6w 0 285085 3778967 3655527 2025-07-15T01:41:11Z Ficaia 3085955 3778967 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Portrait of Walter William Skeat.jpg|thumb|]] '''[[w:Walter William Skeat|Walter William Skeat]]''', FBA (21 November 1835 – 6 October 1912) was a British [[w:philology|philologist]] and [[Church of England|Anglican]] deacon. The pre-eminent British philologist of his time, he was instrumental in developing the English language as a higher education subject in the United Kingdom. == Quotes == * I protest, for about the hundredth time, against the slipshod method of quoting a mere author’s name, without any indication of the work of that author in which the alleged quotation may be found. Let us have accurate quotations and exact references, wherever such are to be found. [...] '''A [[quotation]] without a reference is like a [[geology|geological]] specimen of unknown locality.''' ** In [[w:Notes and Queries|''Notes and Queries]], [https://archive.org/details/s6notesqueries09londuoft/page/498/mode/2up 6th ser., vol. 9] (January–June 1884), p. 499. Last sentence quoted as an epigraph in W. F. H. King (ed.) ''Classical and Foreign Quotations'', 3rd ed. (1904), title page == External links == * {{Wikipedia-inline}} [[Category:1835 births]] [[Category:1912 deaths]] [[Category:Philologists]] [[Category:Academics from England]] [[Category:Anglicans from the United Kingdom]] [[Category:Church of England clergy]] [[Category:University of Cambridge alumni]] 99v18eyn4c54ydhnwusfcc68c0lztmx 0 285304 3778881 3764226 2025-07-14T21:27:01Z 2600:1005:B001:4C74:0:7:7AD9:3001 /* SpongeBob SquarePants */ 3778881 wikitext text/x-wiki These are last words in the ''[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]'' franchise, it shows characters that have died in the [[SpongeBob SquarePants|main series]], [[Kamp Koral: SpongeBob's Under Years]] and [[The Patrick Star Show]]. === ''[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]'' === * '''I take it back, Gary! Something IS wrong with meeeeeee-ow!''' ** Who: SpongeBob SquarePants (I Was a Teenage Gary) ** Notes: Was accidentally injected with Snail Plasma by Squidward, causing him to exhibit snail-like behavior until he turns into one, losing his ability to talk and can only communicate by meowing. It is known how he got back to normal after the episode. * '''My eyes! My eyes!''' ** Who: A boat driver ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (Something Smells) ** Notes: Is blinded by the stench of SpongeBob's rancid breath and his boat explodes, with the driver nowhere to be seen afterwards. * '''Don't just stand there, dude! The tide's comin' in! Hawhawhawhaw! Dude?''' * '''Dudes! He made me experience high tide! Hawhawhawhaw!''' ** Who: Scooter ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (Bubble Buddy) ** Notes: Was asked to be buried in the sand, but was exposed to high tide and drowns, and comes back as an angel. He is alive again episodes later due to inconsistent continuity. * '''You doodle! Me SpongeBob!!''' * Huh?! (SpongeBob: Page for Mr. Doodle!) ''BWAAAAAAAAAA!!!'' ** Who: DoodleBob ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (Frankendoodle) ** Notes: This is prior to Doodlebob trying to erase Spongebob and he is eventually shut inside a book (the last thing he is heard saying is "Huh? BWAAA!" and becomes an average lifeless doodle (not "dead" but close enough). However, he is reencountered alive and well in "Doodle Dimension". *''' I can't find the coin slot. Here it is!''' ** Who: Scooter ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (My Pretty Seahorse) ** Notes: When Mystery was in the Krusty Krab outside, Scooter finds the "coin slot", but is kicked by Mystery and explodes. * '''Sutaka jakasa!''' [pulls out his club, but is struck by lightning. He falls to the ground and gets black, charred and weakly voice in white inside mouth.]  '''...Tabanga do.''' ** Who: Sqoug ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (Ugh) ** Notes: Struck by lightning. * '''Curses! You win.''' ** Who: Lord Planktonimore ** Notes: Electrocuted into a pile of ash by his own jellyfish dragon, wounded, he cries this out after realizing he has lost. It is unknown whether or not he was killed. * '''Well, don't mind if I do.''' ** Who: Old Man Jenkins ** Notes: In the episode Friend or Foe, Krabs and Plankton offer Old Man Jenkins to be their first customer, but the food is so bad it causes him to fall on his back, dead or unconscious. * '''Does that mean I won't get that raise, sir?''' ** Who: Carl (Selling Out) ** Notes: Swept away in the stream of synthetic krabby patties. A few seasons later reveals he survived. * '''I'm gonna stop this thing, tell my wife I love her! Come get some!''' ** Who: Sergeant Roderick ** Source: Spongebob Squarepants (Mrs. Puff Gets Fired) ** Notes: Was run-over by SpongeBob's boat head-on. It's unknown if he made it afterwards. * '''Come on, guys. We're going to do this if it kills us. A 1, a 2 and a --''' [cut to the cemetery where the band members are buried] ** Who: Guitarist #1 (Sing a Song of Patrick) ** Notes: Said before they perform Patricks song and they died immediately due to Patricks song is so horrible that it killed them for out of no reason at all. * '''Although we've only known each other a short time, I want you to know... I love you.''' ** Who: Mr. Dollar ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (What Ever Happened to SpongeBob?) ** Notes: As he and his wife Mrs. Dollar both disintegrate into pieces inside the grease, his last words are spoken as he talks to her one last time. * '''Please, please, somebody put me out of my misery!''' ''[coughs]'' '''Have mercy on my soul...!''' ** Who: Squidward's toilet ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (House Fancy) ** Notes: After Patrick finishes using Squidward's bathroom, Squidward's toilet then crawls out and dies in Squidward's hands. * '''You're throwing in the towel?''' ** Who: Karen 2 ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (Karen 2.0) ** Note: Is destroyed by Karen. * '''Ha! Let's try that again, but this time, I attack!''' ** Who: Dirty Bubble ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (Patrick-Man!) ** Note: He decides to charge at Patrick-Man but Patrick-Man spots a Krabby Patty on the ground and bends over with his ice cream cone hat popping the Dirty Bubble and freeing SpongeBob. * '''I feel funny.''' ** Who: SpongeBob's first clone ("Me Two", CopyBob DittoPants) ** Note: Plankton used cheap toner on the copy machine used to make the SpongeBob clones, so after a while, Me Two and the others disappear from existence. * '''It's easy! You take one par -- ohhhh, I don't feel so good!''' ** Who: Another SpongeBob Clone (CopyBob DittoPants) * '''In fact... I'm not even here.''' ** Who: Rube Goldfish (No Pictures Please) ** Note: Was said before his voice faded and he completely disappeared, it turns out Rube was nothing more than an illusion, however he is alive in several episodes * '''Yummy!''' ** Who: Filthy Muck (The Ballad of Filthy Muck) ** Note: A garbage creature who resembles Patrick. This was the only thing he says throughout the episode; he is mute the whole time he spends with SpongeBob, before being disintegrated by the Bikini Bottomites' cleaning materials. * '''No way, Man Ray! I was first!''' (Man Ray: First to go bye-bye. [cackles]) '''Huh?''' '''''AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!''''' ** Who: Tattletale Strangler (Captain Pipsqueak) ** Note: Was supposed to join the League of E.V.I.L., but is zapped by Man Ray and turned into a pile of ashes. It is unknown if he was killed off or not since the series has loose continuity. * '''I am going have to live next to that?''' ** Who: Squid-Bot Clone (Welcome to Binary Bottom) ** Note: Squid-Bot Clone was built by SquidBot, but he ended up pressing a button, causing him to self destruct. * '''Oooh, that's a nice one, but I can't right now Mr. Tentacles. Please step aside, Mmmm-hmmmm....''' ** Who: Petunia (The Flower Plot) ** Note: Was holding explosive flowers and Squidward was attempted to marry her, but is exploded in front of him, leaving him charred and stunned, and the robot is revealed to be Plankton after all. *'''I'm the oldest!''' **Who: Old Mrs. Perkins (FUN-Beleivable) **Note: Gets turned into dust after saying the exact line. *'''Uh, I guess a little nibble wouldn't hurt.''' ''[takes a tiny piece out of the chum ball and eats it]'' '''Hey! That actually tastes pretty goo--''' ''[turns into a realistic kitchen sponge and falls over]'' **Who: Snow Yellow **Note: Snow Yellow takes a bite of a chum ball, and when he says "Hey! That actually tastes pretty goo--" he turns into a realistic kitchen sponge, leaving The Evil Queen become the squarest of all after being put to dehydration sleep. Later, The seven jellies put Snow Yellow into the plate so he won't get the mold, and now he is revived by The jellies crying. *'''Magic Mirror off the wall, who's the fastest one of all? Me!''' ''[laughs before being crushed and shattered by the castle piece]'' '''Oh, great. Seven years bad luck.''' ''[groans]'' **Who: Magic Mirror (Plankton; Snow Yellow) **Note: Was crushed and shattered by a castle piece and his last words was "Oh, great. Seven years bad luck." Now he was shattered. *'''No!''' ''[falls apart]'' '''I was the squarest! I was the squarest!''' [cries as she falls apart as just a screen] '''Oh, what a world.''' ''[sobs as her screen pops out on a spring]'' **Who: Karen the Evil Queen (Snow Yellow) **Note: Is unscrewed by Nutty, Dummy, Gary, Drippy, Krusty, Puffy and Cooty's screwdrivers, and is now falling apart after being unscrewed. ===''[[The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie]]'' (2004)=== *'''HEY! You may not knew it, cowboy! But we got a rule around here about blowing bubbles!''' ''[He snaps his fingers, Everyone said the rules, Victor joins them.] '''All bubble-blowing babies will be beaten senseless by--''' ''[Dennis: SHUT UP!!]'' ''[He punch up into the sky]'' **Who: Victor *'''Come on, kiddies, have some ice cream.''' ''[SpongeBob and Patrick scream in terror]'' '''I'll let you pet Mr. Whiskers!''' ''[the part of the tongue shaped like her cat Mr. Whiskers, who meowed. Both SpongeBob and Patrick screamed even more]'' ''[SpongeBob: Jump for it, Patrick!]'' **Who: Frogfish *'''I'm a goofy goober, yeah! You're a goofy goober, yeah! We're all goofy goobers, yeah! Goofy... Goofy... Goober... Goober... yeah.''' **Who: SpongeBob SquarePants and Patrick Star **Note: Sang this song before turning into non-living things after being put near the light by The Cyclops. But, eventually the lightbulb burns out by the tear of the Goofy Goober going near the plug. And then the sprinklers go on and revives them and the rest of the fish in Shell City, which they finally arrived in to get King Neptune's Crown. *'''THAT'S IT! I'M TROUGH MESSING AROUND! SEE YA LATER, FOOLS!''' **Who: Dennis **Notes: Says this before he hits a catamaran, where Patrick responds to that by saying "See ya!". [[Category:Fictional last words]] [[Category:SpongeBob SquarePants]] 26hh1ncknjrcvzemlfd6x8hhd8kgyqj 3778882 3778881 2025-07-14T21:29:20Z 2600:1005:B001:4C74:0:7:7AD9:3001 /* SpongeBob SquarePants */ 3778882 wikitext text/x-wiki These are last words in the ''[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]'' franchise, it shows characters that have died in the [[SpongeBob SquarePants|main series]], [[Kamp Koral: SpongeBob's Under Years]] and [[The Patrick Star Show]]. === ''[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]'' === * '''I take it back, Gary! Something IS wrong with meeeeeee-ow!''' ** Who: SpongeBob SquarePants (I Was a Teenage Gary) ** Notes: Was accidentally injected with Snail Plasma by Squidward, causing him to exhibit snail-like behavior until he turns into one, losing his ability to talk and can only communicate by meowing. It is known how he got back to normal after the episode. * '''My eyes! My eyes!''' ** Who: A boat driver ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (Something Smells) ** Notes: Is blinded by the stench of SpongeBob's rancid breath and his boat explodes, with the driver nowhere to be seen afterwards. * '''Don't just stand there, dude! The tide's comin' in! Hawhawhawhaw! Dude?''' * '''Dudes! He made me experience high tide! Hawhawhawhaw!''' ** Who: Scooter ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (Bubble Buddy) ** Notes: Was asked to be buried in the sand, but was exposed to high tide and drowns, and comes back as an angel. He is alive again episodes later due to inconsistent continuity. *'''Gary! There's a bomb strapped to my chest! It's gonna explode in 3 seconds unless you take a bath!''' [Gary doesn't react] '''Please...?''' [the bomb explodes] ** Who: SpongeBob SquarePants ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (Gary Takes a Bath) ** Notes: Committed suicide by blowing himself up with a suicide vest. Revived in another scene. * '''You doodle! Me SpongeBob!!''' * Huh?! (SpongeBob: Page for Mr. Doodle!) ''BWAAAAAAAAAA!!!'' ** Who: DoodleBob ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (Frankendoodle) ** Notes: This is prior to Doodlebob trying to erase Spongebob and he is eventually shut inside a book (the last thing he is heard saying is "Huh? BWAAA!" and becomes an average lifeless doodle (not "dead" but close enough). However, he is reencountered alive and well in "Doodle Dimension". *''' I can't find the coin slot. Here it is!''' ** Who: Scooter ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (My Pretty Seahorse) ** Notes: When Mystery was in the Krusty Krab outside, Scooter finds the "coin slot", but is kicked by Mystery and explodes. * '''Sutaka jakasa!''' [pulls out his club, but is struck by lightning. He falls to the ground and gets black, charred and weakly voice in white inside mouth.]  '''...Tabanga do.''' ** Who: Sqoug ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (Ugh) ** Notes: Struck by lightning. * '''Curses! You win.''' ** Who: Lord Planktonimore ** Notes: Electrocuted into a pile of ash by his own jellyfish dragon, wounded, he cries this out after realizing he has lost. It is unknown whether or not he was killed. * '''Well, don't mind if I do.''' ** Who: Old Man Jenkins ** Notes: In the episode Friend or Foe, Krabs and Plankton offer Old Man Jenkins to be their first customer, but the food is so bad it causes him to fall on his back, dead or unconscious. * '''Does that mean I won't get that raise, sir?''' ** Who: Carl (Selling Out) ** Notes: Swept away in the stream of synthetic krabby patties. A few seasons later reveals he survived. * '''I'm gonna stop this thing, tell my wife I love her! Come get some!''' ** Who: Sergeant Roderick ** Source: Spongebob Squarepants (Mrs. Puff Gets Fired) ** Notes: Was run-over by SpongeBob's boat head-on. It's unknown if he made it afterwards. * '''Come on, guys. We're going to do this if it kills us. A 1, a 2 and a --''' [cut to the cemetery where the band members are buried] ** Who: Guitarist #1 (Sing a Song of Patrick) ** Notes: Said before they perform Patricks song and they died immediately due to Patricks song is so horrible that it killed them for out of no reason at all. * '''Although we've only known each other a short time, I want you to know... I love you.''' ** Who: Mr. Dollar ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (What Ever Happened to SpongeBob?) ** Notes: As he and his wife Mrs. Dollar both disintegrate into pieces inside the grease, his last words are spoken as he talks to her one last time. * '''Please, please, somebody put me out of my misery!''' ''[coughs]'' '''Have mercy on my soul...!''' ** Who: Squidward's toilet ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (House Fancy) ** Notes: After Patrick finishes using Squidward's bathroom, Squidward's toilet then crawls out and dies in Squidward's hands. * '''You're throwing in the towel?''' ** Who: Karen 2 ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (Karen 2.0) ** Note: Is destroyed by Karen. * '''Ha! Let's try that again, but this time, I attack!''' ** Who: Dirty Bubble ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (Patrick-Man!) ** Note: He decides to charge at Patrick-Man but Patrick-Man spots a Krabby Patty on the ground and bends over with his ice cream cone hat popping the Dirty Bubble and freeing SpongeBob. * '''I feel funny.''' ** Who: SpongeBob's first clone ("Me Two", CopyBob DittoPants) ** Note: Plankton used cheap toner on the copy machine used to make the SpongeBob clones, so after a while, Me Two and the others disappear from existence. * '''It's easy! You take one par -- ohhhh, I don't feel so good!''' ** Who: Another SpongeBob Clone (CopyBob DittoPants) * '''In fact... I'm not even here.''' ** Who: Rube Goldfish (No Pictures Please) ** Note: Was said before his voice faded and he completely disappeared, it turns out Rube was nothing more than an illusion, however he is alive in several episodes * '''Yummy!''' ** Who: Filthy Muck (The Ballad of Filthy Muck) ** Note: A garbage creature who resembles Patrick. This was the only thing he says throughout the episode; he is mute the whole time he spends with SpongeBob, before being disintegrated by the Bikini Bottomites' cleaning materials. * '''No way, Man Ray! I was first!''' (Man Ray: First to go bye-bye. [cackles]) '''Huh?''' '''''AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!''''' ** Who: Tattletale Strangler (Captain Pipsqueak) ** Note: Was supposed to join the League of E.V.I.L., but is zapped by Man Ray and turned into a pile of ashes. It is unknown if he was killed off or not since the series has loose continuity. * '''I am going have to live next to that?''' ** Who: Squid-Bot Clone (Welcome to Binary Bottom) ** Note: Squid-Bot Clone was built by SquidBot, but he ended up pressing a button, causing him to self destruct. * '''Oooh, that's a nice one, but I can't right now Mr. Tentacles. Please step aside, Mmmm-hmmmm....''' ** Who: Petunia (The Flower Plot) ** Note: Was holding explosive flowers and Squidward was attempted to marry her, but is exploded in front of him, leaving him charred and stunned, and the robot is revealed to be Plankton after all. *'''I'm the oldest!''' **Who: Old Mrs. Perkins (FUN-Beleivable) **Note: Gets turned into dust after saying the exact line. *'''Uh, I guess a little nibble wouldn't hurt.''' ''[takes a tiny piece out of the chum ball and eats it]'' '''Hey! That actually tastes pretty goo--''' ''[turns into a realistic kitchen sponge and falls over]'' **Who: Snow Yellow **Note: Snow Yellow takes a bite of a chum ball, and when he says "Hey! That actually tastes pretty goo--" he turns into a realistic kitchen sponge, leaving The Evil Queen become the squarest of all after being put to dehydration sleep. Later, The seven jellies put Snow Yellow into the plate so he won't get the mold, and now he is revived by The jellies crying. *'''Magic Mirror off the wall, who's the fastest one of all? Me!''' ''[laughs before being crushed and shattered by the castle piece]'' '''Oh, great. Seven years bad luck.''' ''[groans]'' **Who: Magic Mirror (Plankton; Snow Yellow) **Note: Was crushed and shattered by a castle piece and his last words was "Oh, great. Seven years bad luck." Now he was shattered. *'''No!''' ''[falls apart]'' '''I was the squarest! I was the squarest!''' [cries as she falls apart as just a screen] '''Oh, what a world.''' ''[sobs as her screen pops out on a spring]'' **Who: Karen the Evil Queen (Snow Yellow) **Note: Is unscrewed by Nutty, Dummy, Gary, Drippy, Krusty, Puffy and Cooty's screwdrivers, and is now falling apart after being unscrewed. ===''[[The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie]]'' (2004)=== *'''HEY! You may not knew it, cowboy! But we got a rule around here about blowing bubbles!''' ''[He snaps his fingers, Everyone said the rules, Victor joins them.] '''All bubble-blowing babies will be beaten senseless by--''' ''[Dennis: SHUT UP!!]'' ''[He punch up into the sky]'' **Who: Victor *'''Come on, kiddies, have some ice cream.''' ''[SpongeBob and Patrick scream in terror]'' '''I'll let you pet Mr. Whiskers!''' ''[the part of the tongue shaped like her cat Mr. Whiskers, who meowed. Both SpongeBob and Patrick screamed even more]'' ''[SpongeBob: Jump for it, Patrick!]'' **Who: Frogfish *'''I'm a goofy goober, yeah! You're a goofy goober, yeah! We're all goofy goobers, yeah! Goofy... Goofy... Goober... Goober... yeah.''' **Who: SpongeBob SquarePants and Patrick Star **Note: Sang this song before turning into non-living things after being put near the light by The Cyclops. But, eventually the lightbulb burns out by the tear of the Goofy Goober going near the plug. And then the sprinklers go on and revives them and the rest of the fish in Shell City, which they finally arrived in to get King Neptune's Crown. *'''THAT'S IT! I'M TROUGH MESSING AROUND! SEE YA LATER, FOOLS!''' **Who: Dennis **Notes: Says this before he hits a catamaran, where Patrick responds to that by saying "See ya!". [[Category:Fictional last words]] [[Category:SpongeBob SquarePants]] lny75hb2j8k9whnf8xsmy0ff3tmu6fl 3778883 3778882 2025-07-14T21:31:07Z 2600:1005:B001:4C74:0:7:7AD9:3001 /* SpongeBob SquarePants */ 3778883 wikitext text/x-wiki These are last words in the ''[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]'' franchise, it shows characters that have died in the [[SpongeBob SquarePants|main series]], [[Kamp Koral: SpongeBob's Under Years]] and [[The Patrick Star Show]]. === ''[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]'' === * '''I take it back, Gary! Something IS wrong with meeeeeee-ow!''' ** Who: SpongeBob SquarePants (I Was a Teenage Gary) ** Notes: Was accidentally injected with Snail Plasma by Squidward, causing him to exhibit snail-like behavior until he turns into one, losing his ability to talk and can only communicate by meowing. It is known how he got back to normal after the episode. * '''My eyes! My eyes!''' ** Who: A boat driver ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (Something Smells) ** Notes: Is blinded by the stench of SpongeBob's rancid breath and his boat explodes, with the driver nowhere to be seen afterwards. * '''Don't just stand there, dude! The tide's comin' in! Hawhawhawhaw! Dude?''' * '''Dudes! He made me experience high tide! Hawhawhawhaw!''' ** Who: Scooter ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (Bubble Buddy) ** Notes: Was asked to be buried in the sand, but was exposed to high tide and drowns, and comes back as an angel. He is alive again episodes later due to inconsistent continuity. *'''Fried oyster skins?!''' ** Who: Orville ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (Squidville) ** Notes: Died from smelling Patrick's breath. *'''Gary! There's a bomb strapped to my chest! It's gonna explode in 3 seconds unless you take a bath!''' [Gary doesn't react] '''Please...?''' [the bomb explodes] ** Who: SpongeBob SquarePants ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (Gary Takes a Bath) ** Notes: Committed suicide by blowing himself up with a suicide vest. Revived in another scene. * '''You doodle! Me SpongeBob!!''' * Huh?! (SpongeBob: Page for Mr. Doodle!) ''BWAAAAAAAAAA!!!'' ** Who: DoodleBob ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (Frankendoodle) ** Notes: This is prior to Doodlebob trying to erase Spongebob and he is eventually shut inside a book (the last thing he is heard saying is "Huh? BWAAA!" and becomes an average lifeless doodle (not "dead" but close enough). However, he is reencountered alive and well in "Doodle Dimension". *''' I can't find the coin slot. Here it is!''' ** Who: Scooter ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (My Pretty Seahorse) ** Notes: When Mystery was in the Krusty Krab outside, Scooter finds the "coin slot", but is kicked by Mystery and explodes. * '''Sutaka jakasa!''' [pulls out his club, but is struck by lightning. He falls to the ground and gets black, charred and weakly voice in white inside mouth.]  '''...Tabanga do.''' ** Who: Sqoug ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (Ugh) ** Notes: Struck by lightning. * '''Curses! You win.''' ** Who: Lord Planktonimore ** Notes: Electrocuted into a pile of ash by his own jellyfish dragon, wounded, he cries this out after realizing he has lost. It is unknown whether or not he was killed. * '''Well, don't mind if I do.''' ** Who: Old Man Jenkins ** Notes: In the episode Friend or Foe, Krabs and Plankton offer Old Man Jenkins to be their first customer, but the food is so bad it causes him to fall on his back, dead or unconscious. * '''Does that mean I won't get that raise, sir?''' ** Who: Carl (Selling Out) ** Notes: Swept away in the stream of synthetic krabby patties. A few seasons later reveals he survived. * '''I'm gonna stop this thing, tell my wife I love her! Come get some!''' ** Who: Sergeant Roderick ** Source: Spongebob Squarepants (Mrs. Puff Gets Fired) ** Notes: Was run-over by SpongeBob's boat head-on. It's unknown if he made it afterwards. * '''Come on, guys. We're going to do this if it kills us. A 1, a 2 and a --''' [cut to the cemetery where the band members are buried] ** Who: Guitarist #1 (Sing a Song of Patrick) ** Notes: Said before they perform Patricks song and they died immediately due to Patricks song is so horrible that it killed them for out of no reason at all. * '''Although we've only known each other a short time, I want you to know... I love you.''' ** Who: Mr. Dollar ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (What Ever Happened to SpongeBob?) ** Notes: As he and his wife Mrs. Dollar both disintegrate into pieces inside the grease, his last words are spoken as he talks to her one last time. * '''Please, please, somebody put me out of my misery!''' ''[coughs]'' '''Have mercy on my soul...!''' ** Who: Squidward's toilet ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (House Fancy) ** Notes: After Patrick finishes using Squidward's bathroom, Squidward's toilet then crawls out and dies in Squidward's hands. * '''You're throwing in the towel?''' ** Who: Karen 2 ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (Karen 2.0) ** Note: Is destroyed by Karen. * '''Ha! Let's try that again, but this time, I attack!''' ** Who: Dirty Bubble ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (Patrick-Man!) ** Note: He decides to charge at Patrick-Man but Patrick-Man spots a Krabby Patty on the ground and bends over with his ice cream cone hat popping the Dirty Bubble and freeing SpongeBob. * '''I feel funny.''' ** Who: SpongeBob's first clone ("Me Two", CopyBob DittoPants) ** Note: Plankton used cheap toner on the copy machine used to make the SpongeBob clones, so after a while, Me Two and the others disappear from existence. * '''It's easy! You take one par -- ohhhh, I don't feel so good!''' ** Who: Another SpongeBob Clone (CopyBob DittoPants) * '''In fact... I'm not even here.''' ** Who: Rube Goldfish (No Pictures Please) ** Note: Was said before his voice faded and he completely disappeared, it turns out Rube was nothing more than an illusion, however he is alive in several episodes * '''Yummy!''' ** Who: Filthy Muck (The Ballad of Filthy Muck) ** Note: A garbage creature who resembles Patrick. This was the only thing he says throughout the episode; he is mute the whole time he spends with SpongeBob, before being disintegrated by the Bikini Bottomites' cleaning materials. * '''No way, Man Ray! I was first!''' (Man Ray: First to go bye-bye. [cackles]) '''Huh?''' '''''AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!''''' ** Who: Tattletale Strangler (Captain Pipsqueak) ** Note: Was supposed to join the League of E.V.I.L., but is zapped by Man Ray and turned into a pile of ashes. It is unknown if he was killed off or not since the series has loose continuity. * '''I am going have to live next to that?''' ** Who: Squid-Bot Clone (Welcome to Binary Bottom) ** Note: Squid-Bot Clone was built by SquidBot, but he ended up pressing a button, causing him to self destruct. * '''Oooh, that's a nice one, but I can't right now Mr. Tentacles. Please step aside, Mmmm-hmmmm....''' ** Who: Petunia (The Flower Plot) ** Note: Was holding explosive flowers and Squidward was attempted to marry her, but is exploded in front of him, leaving him charred and stunned, and the robot is revealed to be Plankton after all. *'''I'm the oldest!''' **Who: Old Mrs. Perkins (FUN-Beleivable) **Note: Gets turned into dust after saying the exact line. *'''Uh, I guess a little nibble wouldn't hurt.''' ''[takes a tiny piece out of the chum ball and eats it]'' '''Hey! That actually tastes pretty goo--''' ''[turns into a realistic kitchen sponge and falls over]'' **Who: Snow Yellow **Note: Snow Yellow takes a bite of a chum ball, and when he says "Hey! That actually tastes pretty goo--" he turns into a realistic kitchen sponge, leaving The Evil Queen become the squarest of all after being put to dehydration sleep. Later, The seven jellies put Snow Yellow into the plate so he won't get the mold, and now he is revived by The jellies crying. *'''Magic Mirror off the wall, who's the fastest one of all? Me!''' ''[laughs before being crushed and shattered by the castle piece]'' '''Oh, great. Seven years bad luck.''' ''[groans]'' **Who: Magic Mirror (Plankton; Snow Yellow) **Note: Was crushed and shattered by a castle piece and his last words was "Oh, great. Seven years bad luck." Now he was shattered. *'''No!''' ''[falls apart]'' '''I was the squarest! I was the squarest!''' [cries as she falls apart as just a screen] '''Oh, what a world.''' ''[sobs as her screen pops out on a spring]'' **Who: Karen the Evil Queen (Snow Yellow) **Note: Is unscrewed by Nutty, Dummy, Gary, Drippy, Krusty, Puffy and Cooty's screwdrivers, and is now falling apart after being unscrewed. ===''[[The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie]]'' (2004)=== *'''HEY! You may not knew it, cowboy! But we got a rule around here about blowing bubbles!''' ''[He snaps his fingers, Everyone said the rules, Victor joins them.] '''All bubble-blowing babies will be beaten senseless by--''' ''[Dennis: SHUT UP!!]'' ''[He punch up into the sky]'' **Who: Victor *'''Come on, kiddies, have some ice cream.''' ''[SpongeBob and Patrick scream in terror]'' '''I'll let you pet Mr. Whiskers!''' ''[the part of the tongue shaped like her cat Mr. Whiskers, who meowed. Both SpongeBob and Patrick screamed even more]'' ''[SpongeBob: Jump for it, Patrick!]'' **Who: Frogfish *'''I'm a goofy goober, yeah! You're a goofy goober, yeah! We're all goofy goobers, yeah! Goofy... Goofy... Goober... Goober... yeah.''' **Who: SpongeBob SquarePants and Patrick Star **Note: Sang this song before turning into non-living things after being put near the light by The Cyclops. But, eventually the lightbulb burns out by the tear of the Goofy Goober going near the plug. And then the sprinklers go on and revives them and the rest of the fish in Shell City, which they finally arrived in to get King Neptune's Crown. *'''THAT'S IT! I'M TROUGH MESSING AROUND! SEE YA LATER, FOOLS!''' **Who: Dennis **Notes: Says this before he hits a catamaran, where Patrick responds to that by saying "See ya!". [[Category:Fictional last words]] [[Category:SpongeBob SquarePants]] cwola311vx69euuly7yzxxcswvp6iyh 3778888 3778883 2025-07-14T21:36:14Z 2600:1005:B001:4C74:0:7:7AD9:3001 /* SpongeBob SquarePants */ 3778888 wikitext text/x-wiki These are last words in the ''[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]'' franchise, it shows characters that have died in the [[SpongeBob SquarePants|main series]], [[Kamp Koral: SpongeBob's Under Years]] and [[The Patrick Star Show]]. === ''[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]'' === * '''I take it back, Gary! Something IS wrong with meeeeeee-ow!''' ** Who: SpongeBob SquarePants (I Was a Teenage Gary) ** Notes: Was accidentally injected with Snail Plasma by Squidward, causing him to exhibit snail-like behavior until he turns into one, losing his ability to talk and can only communicate by meowing. It is known how he got back to normal after the episode. *'''He doesn't wanna play with us.''' *'''Squidward! Squidward?''' [Squidward runs into the kitchen as SpongeBob and Patrick come in the Krusty Krab and search for Squidward] '''Squidward!''' [Squidward runs into the freezer] '''Squidward? Oh, Squidward!''' [Squidward peeks out as SpongeBob and Patrick look for him] '''Squidward!''' *'''Well, he's not here. I'll bet that eager-beaver's already down at Jellyfish Fields!''' ** Who: SpongeBob SquarePants & Patrick Star ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (SB-129) ** Notes: In this episode, SpongeBob and Patrick want Squidward to go jellyfishing, but he went to the Krusty Krab and freezed himself to death at the freezer for 2000 years. SpongeBob and Patrick were both passed away between the present and future. *'''A-ha! They're finally gone!''' [tries to open the freezer, but it's locked from the inside!] '''What the...?''' [tries to open it multiple times] '''Locked?! Oh, no! Oh well, someone will realize I'm gone and come looking for me. I'll be out of here in no time.''' ** Who: Squidward Tentacles ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (SB-129) ** Notes: Froze himself to death for 2000 years in the Krusty Krab freezer, later unthawed by SpongeTron. * '''My eyes! My eyes!''' ** Who: A boat driver ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (Something Smells) ** Notes: Is blinded by the stench of SpongeBob's rancid breath and his boat explodes, with the driver nowhere to be seen afterwards. * '''Don't just stand there, dude! The tide's comin' in! Hawhawhawhaw! Dude?''' * '''Dudes! He made me experience high tide! Hawhawhawhaw!''' ** Who: Scooter ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (Bubble Buddy) ** Notes: Was asked to be buried in the sand, but was exposed to high tide and drowns, and comes back as an angel. He is alive again episodes later due to inconsistent continuity. *'''Fried oyster skins?!''' ** Who: Orville ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (Squidville) ** Notes: Died from smelling Patrick's breath. *'''Gary! There's a bomb strapped to my chest! It's gonna explode in 3 seconds unless you take a bath!''' [Gary doesn't react] '''Please...?''' [the bomb explodes] ** Who: SpongeBob SquarePants ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (Gary Takes a Bath) ** Notes: Committed suicide by blowing himself up with a suicide vest. Revived in another scene. * '''You doodle! Me SpongeBob!!''' * Huh?! (SpongeBob: Page for Mr. Doodle!) ''BWAAAAAAAAAA!!!'' ** Who: DoodleBob ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (Frankendoodle) ** Notes: This is prior to Doodlebob trying to erase Spongebob and he is eventually shut inside a book (the last thing he is heard saying is "Huh? BWAAA!" and becomes an average lifeless doodle (not "dead" but close enough). However, he is reencountered alive and well in "Doodle Dimension". *''' I can't find the coin slot. Here it is!''' ** Who: Scooter ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (My Pretty Seahorse) ** Notes: When Mystery was in the Krusty Krab outside, Scooter finds the "coin slot", but is kicked by Mystery and explodes. * '''Sutaka jakasa!''' [pulls out his club, but is struck by lightning. He falls to the ground and gets black, charred and weakly voice in white inside mouth.]  '''...Tabanga do.''' ** Who: Sqoug ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (Ugh) ** Notes: Struck by lightning. * '''Curses! You win.''' ** Who: Lord Planktonimore ** Notes: Electrocuted into a pile of ash by his own jellyfish dragon, wounded, he cries this out after realizing he has lost. It is unknown whether or not he was killed. * '''Well, don't mind if I do.''' ** Who: Old Man Jenkins ** Notes: In the episode Friend or Foe, Krabs and Plankton offer Old Man Jenkins to be their first customer, but the food is so bad it causes him to fall on his back, dead or unconscious. * '''Does that mean I won't get that raise, sir?''' ** Who: Carl (Selling Out) ** Notes: Swept away in the stream of synthetic krabby patties. A few seasons later reveals he survived. * '''I'm gonna stop this thing, tell my wife I love her! Come get some!''' ** Who: Sergeant Roderick ** Source: Spongebob Squarepants (Mrs. Puff Gets Fired) ** Notes: Was run-over by SpongeBob's boat head-on. It's unknown if he made it afterwards. * '''Come on, guys. We're going to do this if it kills us. A 1, a 2 and a --''' [cut to the cemetery where the band members are buried] ** Who: Guitarist #1 (Sing a Song of Patrick) ** Notes: Said before they perform Patricks song and they died immediately due to Patricks song is so horrible that it killed them for out of no reason at all. * '''Although we've only known each other a short time, I want you to know... I love you.''' ** Who: Mr. Dollar ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (What Ever Happened to SpongeBob?) ** Notes: As he and his wife Mrs. Dollar both disintegrate into pieces inside the grease, his last words are spoken as he talks to her one last time. * '''Please, please, somebody put me out of my misery!''' ''[coughs]'' '''Have mercy on my soul...!''' ** Who: Squidward's toilet ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (House Fancy) ** Notes: After Patrick finishes using Squidward's bathroom, Squidward's toilet then crawls out and dies in Squidward's hands. * '''You're throwing in the towel?''' ** Who: Karen 2 ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (Karen 2.0) ** Note: Is destroyed by Karen. * '''Ha! Let's try that again, but this time, I attack!''' ** Who: Dirty Bubble ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (Patrick-Man!) ** Note: He decides to charge at Patrick-Man but Patrick-Man spots a Krabby Patty on the ground and bends over with his ice cream cone hat popping the Dirty Bubble and freeing SpongeBob. * '''I feel funny.''' ** Who: SpongeBob's first clone ("Me Two", CopyBob DittoPants) ** Note: Plankton used cheap toner on the copy machine used to make the SpongeBob clones, so after a while, Me Two and the others disappear from existence. * '''It's easy! You take one par -- ohhhh, I don't feel so good!''' ** Who: Another SpongeBob Clone (CopyBob DittoPants) * '''In fact... I'm not even here.''' ** Who: Rube Goldfish (No Pictures Please) ** Note: Was said before his voice faded and he completely disappeared, it turns out Rube was nothing more than an illusion, however he is alive in several episodes * '''Yummy!''' ** Who: Filthy Muck (The Ballad of Filthy Muck) ** Note: A garbage creature who resembles Patrick. This was the only thing he says throughout the episode; he is mute the whole time he spends with SpongeBob, before being disintegrated by the Bikini Bottomites' cleaning materials. * '''No way, Man Ray! I was first!''' (Man Ray: First to go bye-bye. [cackles]) '''Huh?''' '''''AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!''''' ** Who: Tattletale Strangler (Captain Pipsqueak) ** Note: Was supposed to join the League of E.V.I.L., but is zapped by Man Ray and turned into a pile of ashes. It is unknown if he was killed off or not since the series has loose continuity. * '''I am going have to live next to that?''' ** Who: Squid-Bot Clone (Welcome to Binary Bottom) ** Note: Squid-Bot Clone was built by SquidBot, but he ended up pressing a button, causing him to self destruct. * '''Oooh, that's a nice one, but I can't right now Mr. Tentacles. Please step aside, Mmmm-hmmmm....''' ** Who: Petunia (The Flower Plot) ** Note: Was holding explosive flowers and Squidward was attempted to marry her, but is exploded in front of him, leaving him charred and stunned, and the robot is revealed to be Plankton after all. *'''I'm the oldest!''' **Who: Old Mrs. Perkins (FUN-Beleivable) **Note: Gets turned into dust after saying the exact line. *'''Uh, I guess a little nibble wouldn't hurt.''' ''[takes a tiny piece out of the chum ball and eats it]'' '''Hey! That actually tastes pretty goo--''' ''[turns into a realistic kitchen sponge and falls over]'' **Who: Snow Yellow **Note: Snow Yellow takes a bite of a chum ball, and when he says "Hey! That actually tastes pretty goo--" he turns into a realistic kitchen sponge, leaving The Evil Queen become the squarest of all after being put to dehydration sleep. Later, The seven jellies put Snow Yellow into the plate so he won't get the mold, and now he is revived by The jellies crying. *'''Magic Mirror off the wall, who's the fastest one of all? Me!''' ''[laughs before being crushed and shattered by the castle piece]'' '''Oh, great. Seven years bad luck.''' ''[groans]'' **Who: Magic Mirror (Plankton; Snow Yellow) **Note: Was crushed and shattered by a castle piece and his last words was "Oh, great. Seven years bad luck." Now he was shattered. *'''No!''' ''[falls apart]'' '''I was the squarest! I was the squarest!''' [cries as she falls apart as just a screen] '''Oh, what a world.''' ''[sobs as her screen pops out on a spring]'' **Who: Karen the Evil Queen (Snow Yellow) **Note: Is unscrewed by Nutty, Dummy, Gary, Drippy, Krusty, Puffy and Cooty's screwdrivers, and is now falling apart after being unscrewed. ===''[[The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie]]'' (2004)=== *'''HEY! You may not knew it, cowboy! But we got a rule around here about blowing bubbles!''' ''[He snaps his fingers, Everyone said the rules, Victor joins them.] '''All bubble-blowing babies will be beaten senseless by--''' ''[Dennis: SHUT UP!!]'' ''[He punch up into the sky]'' **Who: Victor *'''Come on, kiddies, have some ice cream.''' ''[SpongeBob and Patrick scream in terror]'' '''I'll let you pet Mr. Whiskers!''' ''[the part of the tongue shaped like her cat Mr. Whiskers, who meowed. Both SpongeBob and Patrick screamed even more]'' ''[SpongeBob: Jump for it, Patrick!]'' **Who: Frogfish *'''I'm a goofy goober, yeah! You're a goofy goober, yeah! We're all goofy goobers, yeah! Goofy... Goofy... Goober... Goober... yeah.''' **Who: SpongeBob SquarePants and Patrick Star **Note: Sang this song before turning into non-living things after being put near the light by The Cyclops. But, eventually the lightbulb burns out by the tear of the Goofy Goober going near the plug. And then the sprinklers go on and revives them and the rest of the fish in Shell City, which they finally arrived in to get King Neptune's Crown. *'''THAT'S IT! I'M TROUGH MESSING AROUND! SEE YA LATER, FOOLS!''' **Who: Dennis **Notes: Says this before he hits a catamaran, where Patrick responds to that by saying "See ya!". [[Category:Fictional last words]] [[Category:SpongeBob SquarePants]] 3cwqlo552hahriwiysy3xfm4i5dex8b 3778891 3778888 2025-07-14T21:39:12Z 2600:1005:B001:4C74:0:7:7AD9:3001 /* SpongeBob SquarePants */ 3778891 wikitext text/x-wiki These are last words in the ''[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]'' franchise, it shows characters that have died in the [[SpongeBob SquarePants|main series]], [[Kamp Koral: SpongeBob's Under Years]] and [[The Patrick Star Show]]. === ''[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]'' === * '''Yes... yes... yes! Come to papa! Oh, boy.''' ** Who: Plankton ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (Plankton!) ** Notes: Disintegrated by Karen in her processor. Revived inside her screen. * '''I take it back, Gary! Something IS wrong with meeeeeee-ow!''' ** Who: SpongeBob SquarePants (I Was a Teenage Gary) ** Notes: Was accidentally injected with Snail Plasma by Squidward, causing him to exhibit snail-like behavior until he turns into one, losing his ability to talk and can only communicate by meowing. It is known how he got back to normal after the episode. *'''He doesn't wanna play with us.''' *'''Squidward! Squidward?''' [Squidward runs into the kitchen as SpongeBob and Patrick come in the Krusty Krab and search for Squidward] '''Squidward!''' [Squidward runs into the freezer] '''Squidward? Oh, Squidward!''' [Squidward peeks out as SpongeBob and Patrick look for him] '''Squidward!''' *'''Well, he's not here. I'll bet that eager-beaver's already down at Jellyfish Fields!''' ** Who: SpongeBob SquarePants & Patrick Star ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (SB-129) ** Notes: In this episode, SpongeBob and Patrick want Squidward to go jellyfishing, but he went to the Krusty Krab and freezed himself to death at the freezer for 2000 years. SpongeBob and Patrick were both passed away between the present and future. *'''A-ha! They're finally gone!''' [tries to open the freezer, but it's locked from the inside!] '''What the...?''' [tries to open it multiple times] '''Locked?! Oh, no! Oh well, someone will realize I'm gone and come looking for me. I'll be out of here in no time.''' ** Who: Squidward Tentacles ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (SB-129) ** Notes: Froze himself to death for 2000 years in the Krusty Krab freezer, later unthawed by SpongeTron. * '''My eyes! My eyes!''' ** Who: A boat driver ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (Something Smells) ** Notes: Is blinded by the stench of SpongeBob's rancid breath and his boat explodes, with the driver nowhere to be seen afterwards. * '''Don't just stand there, dude! The tide's comin' in! Hawhawhawhaw! Dude?''' * '''Dudes! He made me experience high tide! Hawhawhawhaw!''' ** Who: Scooter ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (Bubble Buddy) ** Notes: Was asked to be buried in the sand, but was exposed to high tide and drowns, and comes back as an angel. He is alive again episodes later due to inconsistent continuity. *'''Fried oyster skins?!''' ** Who: Orville ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (Squidville) ** Notes: Died from smelling Patrick's breath. *'''Gary! There's a bomb strapped to my chest! It's gonna explode in 3 seconds unless you take a bath!''' [Gary doesn't react] '''Please...?''' [the bomb explodes] ** Who: SpongeBob SquarePants ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (Gary Takes a Bath) ** Notes: Committed suicide by blowing himself up with a suicide vest. Revived in another scene. * '''You doodle! Me SpongeBob!!''' * Huh?! (SpongeBob: Page for Mr. Doodle!) ''BWAAAAAAAAAA!!!'' ** Who: DoodleBob ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (Frankendoodle) ** Notes: This is prior to Doodlebob trying to erase Spongebob and he is eventually shut inside a book (the last thing he is heard saying is "Huh? BWAAA!" and becomes an average lifeless doodle (not "dead" but close enough). However, he is reencountered alive and well in "Doodle Dimension". *''' I can't find the coin slot. Here it is!''' ** Who: Scooter ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (My Pretty Seahorse) ** Notes: When Mystery was in the Krusty Krab outside, Scooter finds the "coin slot", but is kicked by Mystery and explodes. * '''Sutaka jakasa!''' [pulls out his club, but is struck by lightning. He falls to the ground and gets black, charred and weakly voice in white inside mouth.]  '''...Tabanga do.''' ** Who: Sqoug ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (Ugh) ** Notes: Struck by lightning. * '''Curses! You win.''' ** Who: Lord Planktonimore ** Notes: Electrocuted into a pile of ash by his own jellyfish dragon, wounded, he cries this out after realizing he has lost. It is unknown whether or not he was killed. * '''Well, don't mind if I do.''' ** Who: Old Man Jenkins ** Notes: In the episode Friend or Foe, Krabs and Plankton offer Old Man Jenkins to be their first customer, but the food is so bad it causes him to fall on his back, dead or unconscious. * '''Does that mean I won't get that raise, sir?''' ** Who: Carl (Selling Out) ** Notes: Swept away in the stream of synthetic krabby patties. A few seasons later reveals he survived. * '''I'm gonna stop this thing, tell my wife I love her! Come get some!''' ** Who: Sergeant Roderick ** Source: Spongebob Squarepants (Mrs. Puff Gets Fired) ** Notes: Was run-over by SpongeBob's boat head-on. It's unknown if he made it afterwards. * '''Come on, guys. We're going to do this if it kills us. A 1, a 2 and a --''' [cut to the cemetery where the band members are buried] ** Who: Guitarist #1 (Sing a Song of Patrick) ** Notes: Said before they perform Patricks song and they died immediately due to Patricks song is so horrible that it killed them for out of no reason at all. * '''Although we've only known each other a short time, I want you to know... I love you.''' ** Who: Mr. Dollar ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (What Ever Happened to SpongeBob?) ** Notes: As he and his wife Mrs. Dollar both disintegrate into pieces inside the grease, his last words are spoken as he talks to her one last time. * '''Please, please, somebody put me out of my misery!''' ''[coughs]'' '''Have mercy on my soul...!''' ** Who: Squidward's toilet ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (House Fancy) ** Notes: After Patrick finishes using Squidward's bathroom, Squidward's toilet then crawls out and dies in Squidward's hands. * '''You're throwing in the towel?''' ** Who: Karen 2 ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (Karen 2.0) ** Note: Is destroyed by Karen. * '''Ha! Let's try that again, but this time, I attack!''' ** Who: Dirty Bubble ** Source: SpongeBob SquarePants (Patrick-Man!) ** Note: He decides to charge at Patrick-Man but Patrick-Man spots a Krabby Patty on the ground and bends over with his ice cream cone hat popping the Dirty Bubble and freeing SpongeBob. * '''I feel funny.''' ** Who: SpongeBob's first clone ("Me Two", CopyBob DittoPants) ** Note: Plankton used cheap toner on the copy machine used to make the SpongeBob clones, so after a while, Me Two and the others disappear from existence. * '''It's easy! You take one par -- ohhhh, I don't feel so good!''' ** Who: Another SpongeBob Clone (CopyBob DittoPants) * '''In fact... I'm not even here.''' ** Who: Rube Goldfish (No Pictures Please) ** Note: Was said before his voice faded and he completely disappeared, it turns out Rube was nothing more than an illusion, however he is alive in several episodes * '''Yummy!''' ** Who: Filthy Muck (The Ballad of Filthy Muck) ** Note: A garbage creature who resembles Patrick. This was the only thing he says throughout the episode; he is mute the whole time he spends with SpongeBob, before being disintegrated by the Bikini Bottomites' cleaning materials. * '''No way, Man Ray! I was first!''' (Man Ray: First to go bye-bye. [cackles]) '''Huh?''' '''''AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!''''' ** Who: Tattletale Strangler (Captain Pipsqueak) ** Note: Was supposed to join the League of E.V.I.L., but is zapped by Man Ray and turned into a pile of ashes. It is unknown if he was killed off or not since the series has loose continuity. * '''I am going have to live next to that?''' ** Who: Squid-Bot Clone (Welcome to Binary Bottom) ** Note: Squid-Bot Clone was built by SquidBot, but he ended up pressing a button, causing him to self destruct. * '''Oooh, that's a nice one, but I can't right now Mr. Tentacles. Please step aside, Mmmm-hmmmm....''' ** Who: Petunia (The Flower Plot) ** Note: Was holding explosive flowers and Squidward was attempted to marry her, but is exploded in front of him, leaving him charred and stunned, and the robot is revealed to be Plankton after all. *'''I'm the oldest!''' **Who: Old Mrs. Perkins (FUN-Beleivable) **Note: Gets turned into dust after saying the exact line. *'''Uh, I guess a little nibble wouldn't hurt.''' ''[takes a tiny piece out of the chum ball and eats it]'' '''Hey! That actually tastes pretty goo--''' ''[turns into a realistic kitchen sponge and falls over]'' **Who: Snow Yellow **Note: Snow Yellow takes a bite of a chum ball, and when he says "Hey! That actually tastes pretty goo--" he turns into a realistic kitchen sponge, leaving The Evil Queen become the squarest of all after being put to dehydration sleep. Later, The seven jellies put Snow Yellow into the plate so he won't get the mold, and now he is revived by The jellies crying. *'''Magic Mirror off the wall, who's the fastest one of all? Me!''' ''[laughs before being crushed and shattered by the castle piece]'' '''Oh, great. Seven years bad luck.''' ''[groans]'' **Who: Magic Mirror (Plankton; Snow Yellow) **Note: Was crushed and shattered by a castle piece and his last words was "Oh, great. Seven years bad luck." Now he was shattered. *'''No!''' ''[falls apart]'' '''I was the squarest! I was the squarest!''' [cries as she falls apart as just a screen] '''Oh, what a world.''' ''[sobs as her screen pops out on a spring]'' **Who: Karen the Evil Queen (Snow Yellow) **Note: Is unscrewed by Nutty, Dummy, Gary, Drippy, Krusty, Puffy and Cooty's screwdrivers, and is now falling apart after being unscrewed. ===''[[The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie]]'' (2004)=== *'''HEY! You may not knew it, cowboy! But we got a rule around here about blowing bubbles!''' ''[He snaps his fingers, Everyone said the rules, Victor joins them.] '''All bubble-blowing babies will be beaten senseless by--''' ''[Dennis: SHUT UP!!]'' ''[He punch up into the sky]'' **Who: Victor *'''Come on, kiddies, have some ice cream.''' ''[SpongeBob and Patrick scream in terror]'' '''I'll let you pet Mr. Whiskers!''' ''[the part of the tongue shaped like her cat Mr. Whiskers, who meowed. Both SpongeBob and Patrick screamed even more]'' ''[SpongeBob: Jump for it, Patrick!]'' **Who: Frogfish *'''I'm a goofy goober, yeah! You're a goofy goober, yeah! We're all goofy goobers, yeah! Goofy... Goofy... Goober... Goober... yeah.''' **Who: SpongeBob SquarePants and Patrick Star **Note: Sang this song before turning into non-living things after being put near the light by The Cyclops. But, eventually the lightbulb burns out by the tear of the Goofy Goober going near the plug. And then the sprinklers go on and revives them and the rest of the fish in Shell City, which they finally arrived in to get King Neptune's Crown. *'''THAT'S IT! I'M TROUGH MESSING AROUND! SEE YA LATER, FOOLS!''' **Who: Dennis **Notes: Says this before he hits a catamaran, where Patrick responds to that by saying "See ya!". [[Category:Fictional last words]] [[Category:SpongeBob SquarePants]] 3s9jcrenaj0ko21fhzpkfxigrtwuus8 14 286262 3778571 3677998 2025-07-14T12:49:03Z UDScott 4304 Moving from [[Category:Activists]] to [[Category:Activists by issue]] using [[c:Help:Cat-a-lot|Cat-a-lot]] 3778571 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Bengali language|activists]] [[Category:Activists by issue]] 1lj1q0d0innyegbt0uywkhm9vgw60gw 2 287099 3779035 3772046 2025-07-15T06:57:41Z Zinny Ekechukwu 3214929 Be yourself quote by Zinny Ekechukwu 3779035 wikitext text/x-wiki Be yourself. There's something unique that sets everyone apart. You may strive to be like others, but your energy can never match theirs. n9lrevxlikhoh6v8c8kws1q5usr9hr1 3779036 3779035 2025-07-15T06:59:00Z Zinny Ekechukwu 3214929 Balance optimism with realism 📌 3779036 wikitext text/x-wiki It is not enough to look only at the bright side. Because if you seek only after the light, you may end up getting burnt. cvt5t1ejto2n78y1tgyft0ejzcq8zwq 10 287362 3778930 3776172 2025-07-14T23:15:39Z 2001:8003:DD49:F700:AC19:6EE6:7567:F756 3778930 wikitext text/x-wiki <noinclude>{{vfd-new}}{{italic title}}{{Wikipedia|Template:DreamWorks Animation}}</noinclude>{{clear}} {|style="margin:1em auto; width:800px;background-color:#1e5cb3;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122);" |- |style="background:white;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122);" align=center valign=middle colspan=5 height=45px|[[File:DreamWorks Animation SKG logo.svg|190px|center]] |- |style="background:#4684db;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122);" rowspan=2 align=right|<small><span style="color:white;">'''&nbsp;&nbsp;Feature&nbsp;films&nbsp;&nbsp;'''</span></small> |style="background:#4684db;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122);" align=right|<small><span style="color:white;">'''&nbsp;&nbsp;Animated&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;'''</span></small> |style="background:white;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122);" colspan=1|<small>&nbsp;</small> ''[[Antz]]'' <small>&nbsp;(1998)</small> '''·''' ''[[The Prince of Egypt]]'' <small>&nbsp;(1998)</small> '''·''' ''[[The Road to El Dorado]]'' <small>&nbsp;(2000)</small> '''·''' ''[[Chicken Run]]'' <small>&nbsp;(2000)</small> '''·''' [[Shrek]] <small>&nbsp;(2001)</small> '''·''' [[Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron]] <small>&nbsp;(2002)</small> '''·''' [[Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas]] <small>&nbsp;(2003)</small> '''·''' ''[[Shrek 2]]'' <small>&nbsp;(2004)</small> '''·''' ''[[Shark Tale]]'' <small>&nbsp;(2004)</small> '''·''' [[Madagascar (2005 film)|Madagascar]] <small>&nbsp;(2005)</small> '''·''' ''[[Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit]]'' <small>&nbsp;(2005)</small> '''·''' ''[[Over the Hedge (film)|Over the Hedge]]'' <small>&nbsp;(2006)</small> '''·''' ''[[Flushed Away]]'' <small>&nbsp;(2006)</small> '''·''' ''[[Shrek the Third]]'' <small>&nbsp;(2007)</small> '''·''' ''[[Bee Movie]]'' <small>&nbsp;(2007)</small> '''·''' [[Kung Fu Panda]] <small>&nbsp;(2008)</small> '''·''' ''[[Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa]]'' <small>&nbsp;(2008)</small> '''·''' ''[[Monsters vs. Aliens]]'' <small>&nbsp;(2009)</small> '''·''' [[How to Train Your Dragon (film)|How to Train Your Dragon]] <small>&nbsp;(2010)</small> '''·''' ''[[Shrek Forever After]]'' <small>&nbsp;(2010)</small> '''·''' [[Megamind]] <small>&nbsp;(2010)</small> '''·''' ''[[Kung Fu Panda 2]]'' <small>&nbsp;(2011)</small> '''·''' ''[[Puss in Boots (2011 film)|Puss in Boots]]'' <small>&nbsp;(2011)</small> '''·''' [[Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted]] <small>&nbsp;(2012)</small> '''·''' [[Rise of the Guardians]] <small>&nbsp;(2012)</small> '''·''' [[The Croods]] <small>&nbsp;(2013)</small> '''·''' ''[[Turbo (film)|Turbo]]'' <small>&nbsp;(2013)</small> '''·''' [[Mr. Peabody & Sherman]] <small>&nbsp;(2014)</small> '''·''' [[How to Train Your Dragon 2]] <small>&nbsp;(2014)</small> '''·''' [[Penguins of Madagascar]] <small>&nbsp;(2014)</small> '''·''' ''[[Home (2015 film)|Home]]'' <small>&nbsp;(2015)</small> '''·''' [[Kung Fu Panda 3]] <small>&nbsp;(2016)</small> '''·''' [[Trolls (film)|Trolls]] <small>&nbsp;(2016)</small> '''·''' ''[[The Boss Baby]]'' <small>&nbsp;(2017)</small> '''·''' ''[[Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie]]'' <small>&nbsp;(2017)</small> '''·''' ''[[How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World]]'' <small>&nbsp;(2019)</small> '''·''' ''[[Abominable (2019 film)|Abominable]]'' <small>&nbsp;(2019)</small> '''·''' ''[[Trolls World Tour]]'' <small>&nbsp;(2020)</small> '''·''' ''[[The Croods: A New Age]]'' <small>&nbsp;(2020)</small> '''·''' [[Spirit Untamed]] <small>&nbsp;(2021)</small> '''·''' ''[[The Boss Baby: Family Business]]'' <small>&nbsp;(2021)</small> '''·''' [[The Bad Guys (film)|The Bad Guys]] <small>&nbsp;(2022)</small> '''·''' ''[[Puss in Boots: The Last Wish]]'' <small>&nbsp;(2022)</small> '''·''' [[Ruby Gillman, Teenage Kraken]] <small>&nbsp;(2023)</small> '''·''' ''[[Trolls Band Together]]'' <small>&nbsp;(2023)</small> '''·''' [[Kung Fu Panda 4]] <small>&nbsp;(2024)</small> '''·''' ''[[The Wild Robot]]'' <small>&nbsp;(2024)</small> '''·''' [[Dog Man (film)|Dog Man]] <small>&nbsp;(2025)</small> '''·''' [[The Bad Guys 2]] <small>&nbsp;(2025)</small> |- |style="background:#4684db;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122);" align=right|<small><span style="color:white;">'''&nbsp;&nbsp;Live&nbsp;action&nbsp;&nbsp;'''</span></small> |style="background:white;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122);"|<small>&nbsp;</small> ''[[How to Train Your Dragon (2025 film)|How to Train Your Dragon]]'' <small>&nbsp;(2025)</small> |- |style="background:#4684db;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122);" align=right|<small><span style="color:white;">'''&nbsp;&nbsp;Short&nbsp;films&nbsp;&nbsp;'''</span></small> |style="background:white;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122);" colspan=5|<small>&nbsp; ''[[Shrek#Shrek in the Swamp Karaoke Dance Party|Shrek in the Swamp Karaoke Dance Party]]'' <small>&nbsp;(2001)</small> '''·''' ''[[Shrek 4D]]'' <small>&nbsp;(2003)</small> '''·''' ''[[Far Far Away Idol]]'' <small>&nbsp;(2004)</small> '''·''' ''[[Thriller Night]]'' <small>&nbsp;(2011)</small> '''·''' ''[[Puss in Boots: the Three Diablos]]'' <small>&nbsp;(2012)</small></small> |- |style="background:#4684db;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122);" align=right|<small><span style="color:white;">'''&nbsp;&nbsp;Television&nbsp;specials&nbsp;&nbsp;'''</span></small> |style="background:white;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122);" colspan=5|<small>&nbsp; ''[[Shrek the Halls]]'' <small>&nbsp;(2007)</small> '''·''' ''[[Scared Shrekless]]'' <small>&nbsp;(2010)</small></small> |- |style="background:#4684db;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122);" align=right|<small><span style="color:white;">'''&nbsp;&nbsp;Television&nbsp;series&nbsp;&nbsp;'''</span></small> |style="background:white;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122);" colspan=5|<small>&nbsp; [[The Penguins of Madagascar]]</small> |}<noinclude>[[Category:Animation navigational templates]] [[Category:DreamWorks Animation navigational templates]]</noinclude> rrcy8fh0kfs65djbhn2bi8soq2hi1dn 0 287590 3778533 3690221 2025-07-14T12:39:47Z UDScott 4304 − 2 categories; + 3 categories; ± 2 categories using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778533 wikitext text/x-wiki {{people-cleanup}} '''Sarah Katherine Calburn''', usually known as '''Sarah Calburn''', (born 10 May 1964, [[Johannesburg]]) is a South African [[architect]]. She studied architecture at the University of the Witwatersrand, graduating in 1987, and in 1996 was awarded a master's degree for her research at Australia's Royal Melbourne Institute of Technology. The same year she set up an architecture practice in Johannesburg. == Quotes == * "I believe that the need for low-cost housing should never equate to creating oppressive or unattractive spaces. We must shift away from the typical township designs and envision developments that uplift communities." * "Alternative building technologies are rich with possibilities. I want architects to realize their potential to create beautiful, sustainable homes within compact spaces, shaping the foundation of our future cities." * "There are many assumptions about housing preferences, like 'Africans don't prefer multi-story living.' I reject this. We need to experiment and showcase successful designs that challenge such misconceptions." * "We need to dream of a South Africa that embraces its urban ambition. I hope architects, designers, and government officials will collaborate and seize opportunities to redefine cities with creativity and purpose." * "Social housing and low-cost housing are often seen as lowly enterprises, but I want the government and society to understand their immense potential to transform communities and lives." * "We haven't experimented enough to demonstrate success. Bold projects can challenge outdated notions and inspire others to imagine cities built on innovation and inclusivity." ** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PXsfoSdtoWo Interview with Sarah Calburn of Space Matters], John Bowe Transmedia Vission, Retrieved 22 March 2025. == External Links == {{Wikipedia}} [[Category:Women from South Africa]] [[Category:Architects from South Africa]] [[Category:1964 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Women born in the 1960s]] e88tffted0ywd12rg3ly6kdy6091zm3 0 287774 3778696 3690780 2025-07-14T13:53:58Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Comedians]]; added [[Category:Comedians from Ghana]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778696 wikitext text/x-wiki {{people-cleanup}} '''MaameYaa Boafo''' is a Pakistan-born Ghanaian actress and comedian. == Biography == Boafo was born in Pakistan. She is of Ashanti (Ghanaian) ethnicity. She was raised in Sudan, Ethiopia, Geneva and Kenya, but is a citizen of Ghana. In 2001, after graduating from high school, Boafo travelled to the United States to study French and communication. == Quotes == * "Love yourself, nurture yourself….Get a support system….You have to make the best of wherever you are....And nurture your relationships." ** [https://obaasema.com/maameyaa-boafo/ MaameYaa Boafo],Jul 15, 2015,by by Abena Eke * ”I was dealing with a whole new set of racism where people would drop hints about my height and weight and these were the people that had the power to hire me” * “You’re not that tall, and you’re not slim. Now about your hair… and that skin?” * “Invest in Yourself!” ** [https://nollywoodreinvented.com/2015/06/invest-in-yourself-maameyaa-boafo-speaks-on-her-journey-as-an-actor.html “Invest in Yourself!” MaameYaa Boafo Speaks on her Journey as an Actor],June 23, 2015 by Nollywood == External links == {{Wikipedia}} [[Category:Comedians from Ghana]] tlje61uqt3vvvqh92gj34ae55kdry6r 0 287863 3778709 3720356 2025-07-14T14:02:30Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Comedians]]; added [[Category:Comedians from Nigeria]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778709 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Jacinta Ocansey|Jacinta Asi Ocansey]]''' is a [[Nigeria|Nigerian]]-[[Ghanaian]] stand-up comedian [[singer]] and [[actress]]. She has been called "Ghana's only comedienne" and the uncontested "Queen of Ghana comedy". Some of the awards she has won include; Ghana Tertiary Awards 2016 Most Influential Student Comedian, Most Popular Student and Most Entertaining Student. == Quotes == * I think I have been around long enough to know that I need to ignore a lot of things. So I have learnt to ignore a lot of things. Either I’m cracking jokes about them or I’m ignoring them ** [https://www.myjoyonline.com/i-ignore-a-lot-of-things-jacinta-on-how-she-deals-with-challenges/ I ignore a lot of things – Jacinta on how she deals with challenges],17 April 2024,Source: Rebecca Tweneboah Darko * I always knew that I would be great but I think I didn’t know how tough it would be. Nothing ever prepares you for how tough the journey gets, it’s like a new level, a new devil * The higher you go, the more things you have to battle with, the fact that you have to be better than the last, nothing prepares you for that but it has been an amazing journey ** [https://www.myjoyonline.com/i-knew-i-would-be-great-but-didnt-know-how-tough-it-was-going-to-be-jacinta/ I knew I would be great but didn’t know how tough it was going to be – Jacinta],9 April 2024,'''Source''': Rebecca Tweneboah Darko   * I've turned out offers before because I know that you're paying others way more I am aware that you're paying others way more whatever it is * I think it's funny when people say that ‘because you are a woman is easier for you in the industry * No, it's actually tougher when you're a woman. How many people want to sleep with a man before they help him ** [https://www.myjoyonline.com/ive-been-paid-less-because-im-a-woman-jacinta/ I’ve been paid less because I’m a woman – Jacinta,] 12 February 2024,Source: MyJoyOnline.com *Largely, because, corporate Ghana is highly affected, and when corporate Ghana is affected, it affects sponsorships, it affects the fact that comedians cannot walk into corporate organizations and seek sponsorships and just get it like that. **[https://3news.com/showbiz/ghanas-economy-affecting-sponsorships-heiress-jacinta-comedian/ Jacinta Asi Ocansey on economic hardship and sponsorship towards comedy] == External links == {{Wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Ocansey, Jacinta}} [[Category:Comedians from Nigeria]] [[Category:Singer-songwriters from Nigeria]] [[Category:Actresses from Nigeria]] [[Category:Women singers]] [[Category:Living people]] 0mjm1kx5b01zk921y9kob2oe2ptjmnu 0 287884 3778670 3694032 2025-07-14T13:43:05Z UDScott 4304 + 3 categories; ± 2 categories using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778670 wikitext text/x-wiki {{people-cleanup}} '''Elsa Majimbo''' (born June 29, 2001) is a [[Kenya|Kenyan]] [[comedian]] from Nairobi. Her satirical monologues usually feature her eating potato chips, leaning back to a pillow and using a pair of tiny 1990's sunglasses as a prop. == Quotes == * I don’t ever compromise myself, so every win feels that much more enjoyable * You need to be your number one fan! You can’t depend on anyone else to lift you or carry you to your dreams * Chess is a game of strategy that involves planning and anticipating your opponent’s moves. That’s how I approach my career * You always have to see the bigger picture. I stayed focused because it’s innate in me; it’s how I am, why I love chess, how I grew my social platform and why I’m in it for the long run * My manager and team approach my career strategy in the same way, so I’ve surrounded myself with like-minded people who think ahead and put my brand equity first * I have moments now and again when it sinks in. I value those, but I know there’s so much work to do and I’m only getting started * It’s almost like a dream, but I try not to live in that feeling as I have to work very hard to keep winning. * It meant a lot to me to see that many people embrace me for who I am. I wouldn’t be where I am today if I hadn’t embraced and loved myself. * People always laugh at the fact that I comment on my own videos, but I couldn’t say it more clearly: I’M MY BIGGEST FAN * They finally see the magnitude of what my career has become and where it’s going. Having them on board means a lot to me – even though they don’t think I’m funny ** [https://www.gq.co.za/culture/gq-celebrates-womens-month-with-comedian-elsa-majimbo-7c636ebf-637a-4558-9aba-fd29f4583b8e GQ celebrates women’s month with comedian Elsa Majimbo,]August 9, 2022,Anele Geqiwe * I initially made my videos to bring joy to myself. I would make them and I'd think, I am so funny! I would watch the videos and just laugh! * I wouldn't care if other people found them funny or not. Turns out, the videos have also brought other people joy, and I'm so happy they did * I definitely tend to always go with my gut and trust my intuition * When you're playing chess, it's all about the long game. And if your opponent is equally as clever as you, you have to be really clever in everything you do. Even if the brand or company approaching you makes it seem like it's something you need or something you want — that's when the end game comes in * It's big money, but I know that bigger opportunities are on the way and I'd rather wait than jump on what's coming in right now. So I'm thinking about the long term. It definitely requires patience and hard work, and being consistent and believing in yourself * The fact that people told me I couldn't do it — I think that's what drives me so much. Maybe it’s because I'm dark-skinned or I'm African, they say that I can't achieve certain things, and I'm like, okay, we're gonna see about that — and I just go for everything headstrong * Chance favors the prepared mind, and opportunity favors the bold. Because I have this opportunity and so many people would say it's luck, but I believe there is a very thin line between luck and opportunity. I feel like there’s also quite a number of people who say, Oh you know, I'm famous now, I'm untouchable. You always need to know where your head is at and I feel like you also need to carry yourself with some type of humility. Being in such a space should humble you — strangers go out of their way to support you, so you should be so incredibly grateful ** [https://www.forbes.com/sites/karineldor/2020/12/07/the-real-queens-gambit-how-elsa-majimbo-is-winning-over-a-global-audience-one-move-at-a-time/ The Real Queen’s Gambit: How Elsa Majimbo Is Winning Over A Global Audience, One Move At A Time],Dec 07 2020,By Karin Eldor,Senior Contributor == External links == {{Wikipedia}} [[Category:Women from Kenya]] [[Category:Comedians from Kenya]] [[Category:2001 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Women born in the 2000s]] f696gst7wpdt5v3zbkf00kr58aq7j7q 0 287994 3778617 3696205 2025-07-14T12:51:07Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Activists]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778617 wikitext text/x-wiki {{people-cleanup}} Chanel Ayan (formerly Ayan Pillott; 7 June 1978) is a [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kenya Kenyan-born], [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Somali_people Somali model], [[businesswoman]] and television personality. She has worked with a number of top designers including [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chanel Chanel], [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tiffany_%26_Co. Tiffany & Co]., [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cartier_(jeweler) Cartier], [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valentino_(fashion_house) Valentino] and [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dolce_%26_Gabanna Dolce & Gabanna]. She is the founder of Ayan Beauty and Ayan Skin, her brand of makeup, alongside makeup artist Toni Malt. Ayan is also known for starring in the Bravo reality series [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Real_Housewives_of_Dubai The Real Housewives of Dubai], which she joined in the show's first season. == Quotes == * They just tied us on the bed and we were circumcised * The crying, the sadness, the beatings * That's what I remember. A lot of pain * We were tied in the legs * I couldn't have sex * And then I had to wait until I healed * I've tried to understand," Chanel said in her confessional. "The reason that I'm talking about it is to bring awareness to it and I want people to understand this happens every single day, and if that's my mission, maybe that's what I should be doing * I actually love life, that is the sad part * I feel lighter * It's like the mountain is off my shoulder. I'm starting to heal. I'm starting to understand that I trusted people that hurt me, and they don't have power over me anymore * I've chosen, for the first time in my life, to forgive them and accept what happened to me * I still have a lot of life and I still have a lot of love to give to myself ** '[https://people.com/tv/rhodubai-recap-chanel-ayan-reveals-she-was-circumcised-at-age-5/ RHODubai' Star Chanel Ayan Tearfully Reveals She Was Circumcised at Age 5: 'I'm Starting to Heal'],August 17, 2022,By Lanae Brody * I’m a survivor. I felt that I was utterly betrayed by my culture and my family. This is just a barbaric practice and it shouldn’t be happening to young girls * It happened to me 35 years ago and I’ve never gotten over it * I think the trauma is something that I will live with for the rest of my life. This is why I want to talk about it, because I honestly don’t want this to happen to anyone because I know exactly how it feels and it’s not good. A lot of girls get depressed, hormones are imbalanced, a lot of young girls die * It’s child abuse. And a lot of girls just die for no reason * By telling my story and spreading awareness, I have taken my power back and I’m no longer a victim and I want to fight against ** [https://www.bravotv.com/the-daily-dish/rhodubai-chanel-ayan-discusses-undergoing-forced-genital-mutilation#:~:text=Ayan%20first%20opened%20up%20about,calls%20%E2%80%9Ca%20barbaric%20practice.%E2%80%9D Chanel Ayan Reflects on the Traumatic Events of Her Childhood: “I’m a Survivor]”,Aug 19, 2022,By Jocelyn Vena * I am the muse for one of the biggest designers in the world, the Amato couture. He has dressed Beyonce, Lady Gaga, Nicky Minaj, Shakira and JLo he says am his muse. I usually dress clothes for celebrities before he sends them to the USA for Oscars or anything * Funny thing I used to fit for Nicky Minaj and we have very different bodies but they would check colors and design that will fit her. I wore the same white dress that Beyonce wore in Grammys before it was sent to the USA * [https://www.sportskeeda.com/pop-culture/who-chanel-ayan-rhodubai-meet-first-black-supermodel-feature-dubai-magazine Who is Chanel Ayan from RHODubai? Meet the first black supermodel to feature in Dubai magazine],May 27, 2022,By Sushmita Sen == External links == {{Wikipedia}} [[Category:Kenya]] [[Category:Models]] [[Category:Reality TV shows]] rek0j6xkt7wqs0mvmhmtcftzprnzwcb 3778618 3778617 2025-07-14T12:51:41Z UDScott 4304 − 2 categories; + 2 categories; ±[[Category:Models]]→[[Category:Models from Kenya]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778618 wikitext text/x-wiki {{people-cleanup}} Chanel Ayan (formerly Ayan Pillott; 7 June 1978) is a [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kenya Kenyan-born], [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Somali_people Somali model], [[businesswoman]] and television personality. She has worked with a number of top designers including [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chanel Chanel], [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tiffany_%26_Co. Tiffany & Co]., [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cartier_(jeweler) Cartier], [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valentino_(fashion_house) Valentino] and [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dolce_%26_Gabanna Dolce & Gabanna]. She is the founder of Ayan Beauty and Ayan Skin, her brand of makeup, alongside makeup artist Toni Malt. Ayan is also known for starring in the Bravo reality series [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Real_Housewives_of_Dubai The Real Housewives of Dubai], which she joined in the show's first season. == Quotes == * They just tied us on the bed and we were circumcised * The crying, the sadness, the beatings * That's what I remember. A lot of pain * We were tied in the legs * I couldn't have sex * And then I had to wait until I healed * I've tried to understand," Chanel said in her confessional. "The reason that I'm talking about it is to bring awareness to it and I want people to understand this happens every single day, and if that's my mission, maybe that's what I should be doing * I actually love life, that is the sad part * I feel lighter * It's like the mountain is off my shoulder. I'm starting to heal. I'm starting to understand that I trusted people that hurt me, and they don't have power over me anymore * I've chosen, for the first time in my life, to forgive them and accept what happened to me * I still have a lot of life and I still have a lot of love to give to myself ** '[https://people.com/tv/rhodubai-recap-chanel-ayan-reveals-she-was-circumcised-at-age-5/ RHODubai' Star Chanel Ayan Tearfully Reveals She Was Circumcised at Age 5: 'I'm Starting to Heal'],August 17, 2022,By Lanae Brody * I’m a survivor. I felt that I was utterly betrayed by my culture and my family. This is just a barbaric practice and it shouldn’t be happening to young girls * It happened to me 35 years ago and I’ve never gotten over it * I think the trauma is something that I will live with for the rest of my life. This is why I want to talk about it, because I honestly don’t want this to happen to anyone because I know exactly how it feels and it’s not good. A lot of girls get depressed, hormones are imbalanced, a lot of young girls die * It’s child abuse. And a lot of girls just die for no reason * By telling my story and spreading awareness, I have taken my power back and I’m no longer a victim and I want to fight against ** [https://www.bravotv.com/the-daily-dish/rhodubai-chanel-ayan-discusses-undergoing-forced-genital-mutilation#:~:text=Ayan%20first%20opened%20up%20about,calls%20%E2%80%9Ca%20barbaric%20practice.%E2%80%9D Chanel Ayan Reflects on the Traumatic Events of Her Childhood: “I’m a Survivor]”,Aug 19, 2022,By Jocelyn Vena * I am the muse for one of the biggest designers in the world, the Amato couture. He has dressed Beyonce, Lady Gaga, Nicky Minaj, Shakira and JLo he says am his muse. I usually dress clothes for celebrities before he sends them to the USA for Oscars or anything * Funny thing I used to fit for Nicky Minaj and we have very different bodies but they would check colors and design that will fit her. I wore the same white dress that Beyonce wore in Grammys before it was sent to the USA * [https://www.sportskeeda.com/pop-culture/who-chanel-ayan-rhodubai-meet-first-black-supermodel-feature-dubai-magazine Who is Chanel Ayan from RHODubai? Meet the first black supermodel to feature in Dubai magazine],May 27, 2022,By Sushmita Sen == External links == {{Wikipedia}} [[Category:Models from Kenya]] [[Category:Women from Kenya]] [[Category:Businesswomen]] dwii1fn6o1k0dmw0tfqs384fmiuif03 0 288010 3778621 3700476 2025-07-14T12:55:06Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Activists]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778621 wikitext text/x-wiki {{people-cleanup}} '''Katoucha Niane''' (23 October 1960 – 2 February 2008) was a [[Guinea|Guinean]] [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Model_(person) model], activist and author. Nicknamed "The Peul Princess" (in reference to her ethnic Fula background), she worked, and later wrote, under the single name "'''Katoucha'''". She was known as the muse of [[Yves Saint-Laurent|Yves Saint Laurent]] during the 1980s. == Quotes == * One day, my mother said we were going to the cinema. And I found myself the victim of a horror movie, an unimaginable trauma that I had never managed to talk about, until I found love and wrote In My Flesh * I embodied the most arrogant and admired kind of femininity, I who was supposed to be diminished * Let's draw attention to the religious, medical, psychological and social realities of this ancestral practice ** [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/europe/supermodel-katoucha-found-dead-in-river-seine-790026.html Supermodel Katoucha found dead in river Seine],01 March 2008,Andy McSmith * I was inflicted – with no anaesthetic, of course – this very private and irreversible mutilation in the name of ancestral custom * I was dragged away by the old hag in a plane whose doors closed behind me like those of a safe: or a tomb. After my mutilation, this kidnapping was for me a second death * As I had grown into a young woman she says, I could no longer bear the authority of the very one who did not protect me. I had only one desire: to go away, from my mother, my family, my country * As I am reaching the halfway mark in my life she says, I am full of projects and hope to bring them to fruition in my land of birth. Africa is looking forward... but for the time being, serenely, I cherish the pleasure to be back home, looking at the silvery sea like Ulysses after his long, eventful journey home ** [https://aflit.arts.uwa.edu.au/revieweng_katoucha10.html Dans ma chair],16 July 2010,Book review by Jean-Marie Violet https://aflit.arts.uwa.edu.au/revieweng_katoucha10.html == External links == {{Wikipedia}} [[Category:People from Guinea]] [[Category:Models]] [[Category:Authors]] 0d054kekinjvmqk1w7873x9eoyn6c2l 0 288258 3779050 3696171 2025-07-15T09:34:55Z Tom Morris 153670 wiki syntax fix 3779050 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Kathleen Sullivan (lawyer)|Kathleen Marie Sullivan]]''' (born August 20, 1955) is an American lawyer and senior counsel at [[w:Quinn Emanuel Urquhart & Sullivan|Quinn Emanuel Urquhart & Sullivan]], a global, litigation-only law firm headquartered in Los Angeles, California. Based in the firm's New York City office, Sullivan chairs its national appellate practice group. She was the first and only female name partner at an Am Law 100 law firm. == Quotes about Kathleen Sullivan == * Kathleen’s appellate skills and contributions to the practice of law have been widely recognized and honored. ** [https://www.quinnemanuel.com/attorneys/sullivan-kathleen-m/ Kathleen M. Sullivan (Retired)] Retrieved 2 April 2025 * In other recognition, she has been repeatedly named a leading individual in ''Chambers USA'', which reports that clients have described her as tremendously agile and a fabulous advocate, a consummate practitioner before any appeal court and a brilliant appellate lawyer. ** [https://www.ali.org/profile/3880 Kathleen] [https://www.ali.org/profile/3880 M. Sullivan]   Retrieved 2 April 2025 == External links == {{Wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Sullivan, Kathleen}} [[Category:Women from the United States]] [[Category:Lawyers from the United States]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Women in law]] [[Category:1955 births]] [[Category:Women born in the 1950s]] 9p10kh1lb6fwfdfou40ql1twtbwakic 10 288641 3779028 3735428 2025-07-15T05:33:40Z 2001:8003:DD49:F700:9CA4:C821:441F:B279 3779028 wikitext text/x-wiki <noinclude>{{italic title}}{{Wikipedia|Template:Monsters, Inc.}}{{clear}}</noinclude> {|style="margin:1em auto; width:800px;background-color:#0096FF;color:var(--color-inverted-fixed;#FFFFFF);" |- |style="background:black;color:var(--color-inverted-fixed;#FFFFFF)"; align=center valign=middle colspan=2 height=45px|[[File:Monsters, Inc. logo.svg|140px]] |- |style="background:#0096FF;color:var(--color-base-fixed;#202122);" align=right|<small><span style="color:white;">'''&nbsp;&nbsp;Feature&nbsp;films&nbsp;&nbsp;'''</span></small> |style="background:black;color:var(--color-base-fixed;#202122);"|<small>&nbsp; <span style="color:white;">[[File:Monsters, Inc. logo.svg|120px|link=Monsters, Inc.]] <small>&nbsp;(2001)</small> '''·''' [[File:Monsters University Logo.svg|90px|link=Monsters University]] <small>&nbsp;(2013)</small>&nbsp;</span></small> |}<noinclude>[[Category:Pixar navigational templates]] [[Category:Animated film series navigational templates]] [[Category:Video game navigational templates]] [[Category:Disney franchises navigational templates]]</noinclude> r6omp2whaufmxstvxv7b5pg2jgnr3j1 0 288667 3779060 3776530 2025-07-15T11:13:54Z Dronebogus 3078761 3779060 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''{{w|A Minecraft Movie}}''''' is a [[w:2025 in film|2025]] American [[w:Live-action animated|live-action animated]] [[w:Fantasy film|fantasy]] [[w:Adventure film|adventure]] [[w:Comedy film|comedy film]] about four misfits who are pulled through a portal into a cubic world that thrives on imagination, having no choice but to master the world while embarking on a quest with an expert crafter named Steve. :''Directed by [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]]. Written by Chris Bowman, {{w|Hubbel Palmer}}, Neil Widener, Gavin James and {{w|Chris Galletta}}.'' == Steve == * I… am Steve. * As a child, I yearned for the mines, but something always got in the way. * If we want to save this world, creativity is the key to survival. * In the Overworld, anything you can dream about, you can create. * Life here was perfect. Until one day, we came across the Nether. A place with no joy or creativity at all. * Chicken Jockey! * First we mine, then we craft. Let's Minecraft! * Oh, these dudes? They're the villagers, they are just chill guys, they like to chill, trade and eat buttloads of bread. They love crushin' loaf. * Flint and steel! * Sneak Attack! * Relax, That is a iron golem, don't worry about them, they are friendly, up until you mess with them don't ever do that! ==Garrett== * Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison. Gamer of the Year, 1989. Whatever. I barely think about it. * They want me to fight the chicken? * Fear is just weakness hijacking your body's cockpit. :'''Garrett''': ''(to Steve)'' [[wikt:vaya con Dios#Spanish|''Vaya con Dios'']]. It means "goodbye", brother. :'''Natalie''': No, it doesn't. :'''Garrett''': Don't look at her. It does. :'''Natalie''': No. It does not. :'''Garrett''': Yeah, it does. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Steve''': ****! Chungus. :'''General Chungus''': I'm really sorry, but I have to unalive you and stuff. == Cast == * [[Jack Black]] – Steve * [[Jason Momoa]] – Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison * {{w|Emma Myers}} – Natalie * {{w|Danielle Brooks}} – Dawn * Sebastian Hansen – Henry * [[Jennifer Coolidge]] – Vice Principal Marlene ===Voices=== * {{w|Rachel House}} – Malgosha * {{w|Jemaine Clement}} – Daryl and Bruce * [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]] – General Chungus * {{w|Matt Berry}} – Nitwit == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|id=3566834|title=A Minecraft Movie}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Minecraft Movie, A}} [[category:2025 films]] [[category:2020s American films]] [[category:Fantasy films]] [[category:Comedy films]] [[category:Adventure films]] [[Category:American children's fantasy films]] [[Category:American children's adventure films]] [[Category:American children's comedy films]] [[Category:Films about parallel universes]] [[Category:Films based on video games]] [[Category:American films with live action and animation]] [[Category:Warner Bros. Discovery]] pkt8aps20a8g81c50q181agxr6tkrk7 3779061 3779060 2025-07-15T11:15:07Z Dronebogus 3078761 /* Garrett */ crudfully? Really? Is your mom the sort of person who doesn’t let you type “crap”? 3779061 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''{{w|A Minecraft Movie}}''''' is a [[w:2025 in film|2025]] American [[w:Live-action animated|live-action animated]] [[w:Fantasy film|fantasy]] [[w:Adventure film|adventure]] [[w:Comedy film|comedy film]] about four misfits who are pulled through a portal into a cubic world that thrives on imagination, having no choice but to master the world while embarking on a quest with an expert crafter named Steve. :''Directed by [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]]. Written by Chris Bowman, {{w|Hubbel Palmer}}, Neil Widener, Gavin James and {{w|Chris Galletta}}.'' == Steve == * I… am Steve. * As a child, I yearned for the mines, but something always got in the way. * If we want to save this world, creativity is the key to survival. * In the Overworld, anything you can dream about, you can create. * Life here was perfect. Until one day, we came across the Nether. A place with no joy or creativity at all. * Chicken Jockey! * First we mine, then we craft. Let's Minecraft! * Oh, these dudes? They're the villagers, they are just chill guys, they like to chill, trade and eat buttloads of bread. They love crushin' loaf. * Flint and steel! * Sneak Attack! * Relax, That is a iron golem, don't worry about them, they are friendly, up until you mess with them don't ever do that! ==Garrett== * Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison. Gamer of the Year, 1989. Whatever. I barely think about it. * They want me to fight the chicken? * Fear is just weakness hijacking your body's cockpit. :'''Garrett''': ''(to Steve)'' [[wikt:vaya con Dios#Spanish|''Vaya con Dios'']]. It means "goodbye", brother. :'''Natalie''': No, it doesn't. :'''Garrett''': Don't look at her. It does. :'''Natalie''': No. It does not. :'''Garrett''': Yeah, it does. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Steve''': Crap! Chungus. :'''General Chungus''': I'm really sorry, but I have to unalive you and stuff. == Cast == * [[Jack Black]] – Steve * [[Jason Momoa]] – Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison * {{w|Emma Myers}} – Natalie * {{w|Danielle Brooks}} – Dawn * Sebastian Hansen – Henry * [[Jennifer Coolidge]] – Vice Principal Marlene ===Voices=== * {{w|Rachel House}} – Malgosha * {{w|Jemaine Clement}} – Daryl and Bruce * [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]] – General Chungus * {{w|Matt Berry}} – Nitwit == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|id=3566834|title=A Minecraft Movie}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Minecraft Movie, A}} [[category:2025 films]] [[category:2020s American films]] [[category:Fantasy films]] [[category:Comedy films]] [[category:Adventure films]] [[Category:American children's fantasy films]] [[Category:American children's adventure films]] [[Category:American children's comedy films]] [[Category:Films about parallel universes]] [[Category:Films based on video games]] [[Category:American films with live action and animation]] [[Category:Warner Bros. Discovery]] cxvu3gxty7fqz04ayezfx7zo7l9wneh 3779062 3779061 2025-07-15T11:16:45Z Dronebogus 3078761 3779062 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''{{w|A Minecraft Movie}}''''' is a [[w:2025 in film|2025]] American [[w:Live-action animated|live-action animated]] [[w:Fantasy film|fantasy]] [[w:Adventure film|adventure]] [[w:Comedy film|comedy film]] about four misfits who are pulled through a portal into a cubic world that thrives on imagination, having no choice but to master the world while embarking on a quest with an expert crafter named Steve. :''Directed by [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]]. Written by Chris Bowman, {{w|Hubbel Palmer}}, Neil Widener, Gavin James and {{w|Chris Galletta}}.'' == Steve == * I… am Steve. * As a child, I yearned for the mines, but something always got in the way. * If we want to save this world, creativity is the key to survival. * In the Overworld, anything you can dream about, you can create. * Life here was perfect. Until one day, we came across the Nether. A place with no joy or creativity at all. * Chicken Jockey! * First we mine, then we craft. Let's Minecraft! * Oh, these dudes? They're the villagers, they are just chill guys, they like to chill, trade and eat buttloads of bread. They love crushin' loaf. * Flint and steel! * Sneak Attack! * Relax, That is a iron golem, don't worry about them, they are friendly, up until you mess with them don't ever do that! ==Garrett== * Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison. Gamer of the Year, 1989. Whatever. I barely think about it. * They want me to fight the chicken? * Fear is just weakness hijacking your body's cockpit. :'''Garrett''': ''(to Steve)'' [[wikt:vaya con Dios#Spanish|''Vaya con Dios'']]. It means "goodbye", brother. :'''Natalie''': No, it doesn't. :'''Garrett''': Don't look at her. It does. :'''Natalie''': No. It does not. :'''Garrett''': Yeah, it does. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Steve''': Crap! Chungus. :'''General Chungus''': I'm really sorry, but I have to unalive you and stuff. <Hr width=“50% “/> :''[A [[W:technoblade|pig wearing a crown]] walks by]'' :Henry: Whoa, is he some kind of king? :Steve: No, that's a ''legend''. == Cast == * [[Jack Black]] – Steve * [[Jason Momoa]] – Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison * {{w|Emma Myers}} – Natalie * {{w|Danielle Brooks}} – Dawn * Sebastian Hansen – Henry * [[Jennifer Coolidge]] – Vice Principal Marlene ===Voices=== * {{w|Rachel House}} – Malgosha * {{w|Jemaine Clement}} – Daryl and Bruce * [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]] – General Chungus * {{w|Matt Berry}} – Nitwit == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|id=3566834|title=A Minecraft Movie}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Minecraft Movie, A}} [[category:2025 films]] [[category:2020s American films]] [[category:Fantasy films]] [[category:Comedy films]] [[category:Adventure films]] [[Category:American children's fantasy films]] [[Category:American children's adventure films]] [[Category:American children's comedy films]] [[Category:Films about parallel universes]] [[Category:Films based on video games]] [[Category:American films with live action and animation]] [[Category:Warner Bros. Discovery]] ajrym2qabootx8ifi9jd8zrkgqg39al 3779063 3779062 2025-07-15T11:17:05Z Dronebogus 3078761 /* Steve */ 3779063 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''{{w|A Minecraft Movie}}''''' is a [[w:2025 in film|2025]] American [[w:Live-action animated|live-action animated]] [[w:Fantasy film|fantasy]] [[w:Adventure film|adventure]] [[w:Comedy film|comedy film]] about four misfits who are pulled through a portal into a cubic world that thrives on imagination, having no choice but to master the world while embarking on a quest with an expert crafter named Steve. :''Directed by [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]]. Written by Chris Bowman, {{w|Hubbel Palmer}}, Neil Widener, Gavin James and {{w|Chris Galletta}}.'' == Steve == * I… am Steve. * As a child, I yearned for the mines, but something always got in the way. * If we want to save this world, creativity is the key to survival. * In the Overworld, anything you can dream about, you can create. * Life here was perfect. Until one day, we came across the Nether. A place with no joy or creativity at all. * Chicken Jockey! * First we mine, then we craft. Let's Minecraft! * Oh, these dudes? They're the villagers, they are just chill guys, they like to chill, trade and eat buttloads of bread. They love crushin' loaf. * Flint and steel! * Sneak attack! * Relax, That is a iron golem, don't worry about them, they are friendly, up until you mess with them don't ever do that! ==Garrett== * Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison. Gamer of the Year, 1989. Whatever. I barely think about it. * They want me to fight the chicken? * Fear is just weakness hijacking your body's cockpit. :'''Garrett''': ''(to Steve)'' [[wikt:vaya con Dios#Spanish|''Vaya con Dios'']]. It means "goodbye", brother. :'''Natalie''': No, it doesn't. :'''Garrett''': Don't look at her. It does. :'''Natalie''': No. It does not. :'''Garrett''': Yeah, it does. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Steve''': Crap! Chungus. :'''General Chungus''': I'm really sorry, but I have to unalive you and stuff. <Hr width=“50% “/> :''[A [[W:technoblade|pig wearing a crown]] walks by]'' :Henry: Whoa, is he some kind of king? :Steve: No, that's a ''legend''. == Cast == * [[Jack Black]] – Steve * [[Jason Momoa]] – Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison * {{w|Emma Myers}} – Natalie * {{w|Danielle Brooks}} – Dawn * Sebastian Hansen – Henry * [[Jennifer Coolidge]] – Vice Principal Marlene ===Voices=== * {{w|Rachel House}} – Malgosha * {{w|Jemaine Clement}} – Daryl and Bruce * [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]] – General Chungus * {{w|Matt Berry}} – Nitwit == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|id=3566834|title=A Minecraft Movie}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Minecraft Movie, A}} [[category:2025 films]] [[category:2020s American films]] [[category:Fantasy films]] [[category:Comedy films]] [[category:Adventure films]] [[Category:American children's fantasy films]] [[Category:American children's adventure films]] [[Category:American children's comedy films]] [[Category:Films about parallel universes]] [[Category:Films based on video games]] [[Category:American films with live action and animation]] [[Category:Warner Bros. Discovery]] cfvttbpkqexy4tjj288s8uzcvxlye8t 3779064 3779063 2025-07-15T11:17:14Z Dronebogus 3078761 /* Steve */ 3779064 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''{{w|A Minecraft Movie}}''''' is a [[w:2025 in film|2025]] American [[w:Live-action animated|live-action animated]] [[w:Fantasy film|fantasy]] [[w:Adventure film|adventure]] [[w:Comedy film|comedy film]] about four misfits who are pulled through a portal into a cubic world that thrives on imagination, having no choice but to master the world while embarking on a quest with an expert crafter named Steve. :''Directed by [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]]. Written by Chris Bowman, {{w|Hubbel Palmer}}, Neil Widener, Gavin James and {{w|Chris Galletta}}.'' == Steve == * I… am Steve. * As a child, I yearned for the mines, but something always got in the way. * If we want to save this world, creativity is the key to survival. * In the Overworld, anything you can dream about, you can create. * Life here was perfect. Until one day, we came across the Nether. A place with no joy or creativity at all. * Chicken Jockey! * First we mine, then we craft. Let's Minecraft! * Oh, these dudes? They're the villagers, they are just chill guys, they like to chill, trade and eat buttloads of bread. They love crushin' loaf. * Flint and steel! * Sneak attack! * Relax, That is an iron golem, don't worry about them, they are friendly, up until you mess with them don't ever do that! ==Garrett== * Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison. Gamer of the Year, 1989. Whatever. I barely think about it. * They want me to fight the chicken? * Fear is just weakness hijacking your body's cockpit. :'''Garrett''': ''(to Steve)'' [[wikt:vaya con Dios#Spanish|''Vaya con Dios'']]. It means "goodbye", brother. :'''Natalie''': No, it doesn't. :'''Garrett''': Don't look at her. It does. :'''Natalie''': No. It does not. :'''Garrett''': Yeah, it does. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Steve''': Crap! Chungus. :'''General Chungus''': I'm really sorry, but I have to unalive you and stuff. <Hr width=“50% “/> :''[A [[W:technoblade|pig wearing a crown]] walks by]'' :Henry: Whoa, is he some kind of king? :Steve: No, that's a ''legend''. == Cast == * [[Jack Black]] – Steve * [[Jason Momoa]] – Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison * {{w|Emma Myers}} – Natalie * {{w|Danielle Brooks}} – Dawn * Sebastian Hansen – Henry * [[Jennifer Coolidge]] – Vice Principal Marlene ===Voices=== * {{w|Rachel House}} – Malgosha * {{w|Jemaine Clement}} – Daryl and Bruce * [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]] – General Chungus * {{w|Matt Berry}} – Nitwit == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|id=3566834|title=A Minecraft Movie}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Minecraft Movie, A}} [[category:2025 films]] [[category:2020s American films]] [[category:Fantasy films]] [[category:Comedy films]] [[category:Adventure films]] [[Category:American children's fantasy films]] [[Category:American children's adventure films]] [[Category:American children's comedy films]] [[Category:Films about parallel universes]] [[Category:Films based on video games]] [[Category:American films with live action and animation]] [[Category:Warner Bros. Discovery]] jh9alrfkgo9csz88tzubw6nuu7xpoz1 3779065 3779064 2025-07-15T11:17:47Z Dronebogus 3078761 /* Steve */ 3779065 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''{{w|A Minecraft Movie}}''''' is a [[w:2025 in film|2025]] American [[w:Live-action animated|live-action animated]] [[w:Fantasy film|fantasy]] [[w:Adventure film|adventure]] [[w:Comedy film|comedy film]] about four misfits who are pulled through a portal into a cubic world that thrives on imagination, having no choice but to master the world while embarking on a quest with an expert crafter named Steve. :''Directed by [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]]. Written by Chris Bowman, {{w|Hubbel Palmer}}, Neil Widener, Gavin James and {{w|Chris Galletta}}.'' == Steve == * I… am Steve. * As a child, I yearned for the mines, but something always got in the way. * If we want to save this world, creativity is the key to survival. * In the Overworld, anything you can dream about, you can create. * Life here was perfect. Until one day, we came across the Nether. A place with no joy or creativity at all. * Chicken Jockey! * First we mine, then we craft. Let's Minecraft! * Oh, these dudes? They're the villagers, they are just chill guys, they like to chill, trade and eat buttloads of bread. They love crushin' loaf. * Flint and steel! * Sneak attack! * Relax, That is an iron golem, don't worry about them, they are friendly, up until you mess with them don't ever do that! *Kid, anything you can dream about here, you can make. Zero limits. You know what I'm talking about. ==Garrett== * Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison. Gamer of the Year, 1989. Whatever. I barely think about it. * They want me to fight the chicken? * Fear is just weakness hijacking your body's cockpit. :'''Garrett''': ''(to Steve)'' [[wikt:vaya con Dios#Spanish|''Vaya con Dios'']]. It means "goodbye", brother. :'''Natalie''': No, it doesn't. :'''Garrett''': Don't look at her. It does. :'''Natalie''': No. It does not. :'''Garrett''': Yeah, it does. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Steve''': Crap! Chungus. :'''General Chungus''': I'm really sorry, but I have to unalive you and stuff. <Hr width=“50% “/> :''[A [[W:technoblade|pig wearing a crown]] walks by]'' :Henry: Whoa, is he some kind of king? :Steve: No, that's a ''legend''. == Cast == * [[Jack Black]] – Steve * [[Jason Momoa]] – Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison * {{w|Emma Myers}} – Natalie * {{w|Danielle Brooks}} – Dawn * Sebastian Hansen – Henry * [[Jennifer Coolidge]] – Vice Principal Marlene ===Voices=== * {{w|Rachel House}} – Malgosha * {{w|Jemaine Clement}} – Daryl and Bruce * [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]] – General Chungus * {{w|Matt Berry}} – Nitwit == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|id=3566834|title=A Minecraft Movie}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Minecraft Movie, A}} [[category:2025 films]] [[category:2020s American films]] [[category:Fantasy films]] [[category:Comedy films]] [[category:Adventure films]] [[Category:American children's fantasy films]] [[Category:American children's adventure films]] [[Category:American children's comedy films]] [[Category:Films about parallel universes]] [[Category:Films based on video games]] [[Category:American films with live action and animation]] [[Category:Warner Bros. Discovery]] hyjyqegqpdr8l9jm92rgb5dxiartdfs 3779066 3779065 2025-07-15T11:18:09Z Dronebogus 3078761 /* Steve */ 3779066 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''{{w|A Minecraft Movie}}''''' is a [[w:2025 in film|2025]] American [[w:Live-action animated|live-action animated]] [[w:Fantasy film|fantasy]] [[w:Adventure film|adventure]] [[w:Comedy film|comedy film]] about four misfits who are pulled through a portal into a cubic world that thrives on imagination, having no choice but to master the world while embarking on a quest with an expert crafter named Steve. :''Directed by [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]]. Written by Chris Bowman, {{w|Hubbel Palmer}}, Neil Widener, Gavin James and {{w|Chris Galletta}}.'' == Steve == * I… am Steve. * My name is Steve. And as a child, I yearned for the mines. But it didn't really work out. So, I did a terrible thing...I grew up. Yep, that's me. Same shirt, same pants. The only thing missing, was my soul. * If we want to save this world, creativity is the key to survival. * In the Overworld, anything you can dream about, you can create. * Life here was perfect. Until one day, we came across the Nether. A place with no joy or creativity at all. * Chicken Jockey! * First we mine, then we craft. Let's Minecraft! * Oh, these dudes? They're the villagers, they are just chill guys, they like to chill, trade and eat buttloads of bread. They love crushin' loaf. * Flint and steel! * Sneak attack! * Relax, That is an iron golem, don't worry about them, they are friendly, up until you mess with them don't ever do that! *Kid, anything you can dream about here, you can make. Zero limits. You know what I'm talking about. ==Garrett== * Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison. Gamer of the Year, 1989. Whatever. I barely think about it. * They want me to fight the chicken? * Fear is just weakness hijacking your body's cockpit. :'''Garrett''': ''(to Steve)'' [[wikt:vaya con Dios#Spanish|''Vaya con Dios'']]. It means "goodbye", brother. :'''Natalie''': No, it doesn't. :'''Garrett''': Don't look at her. It does. :'''Natalie''': No. It does not. :'''Garrett''': Yeah, it does. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Steve''': Crap! Chungus. :'''General Chungus''': I'm really sorry, but I have to unalive you and stuff. <Hr width=“50% “/> :''[A [[W:technoblade|pig wearing a crown]] walks by]'' :Henry: Whoa, is he some kind of king? :Steve: No, that's a ''legend''. == Cast == * [[Jack Black]] – Steve * [[Jason Momoa]] – Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison * {{w|Emma Myers}} – Natalie * {{w|Danielle Brooks}} – Dawn * Sebastian Hansen – Henry * [[Jennifer Coolidge]] – Vice Principal Marlene ===Voices=== * {{w|Rachel House}} – Malgosha * {{w|Jemaine Clement}} – Daryl and Bruce * [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]] – General Chungus * {{w|Matt Berry}} – Nitwit == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|id=3566834|title=A Minecraft Movie}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Minecraft Movie, A}} [[category:2025 films]] [[category:2020s American films]] [[category:Fantasy films]] [[category:Comedy films]] [[category:Adventure films]] [[Category:American children's fantasy films]] [[Category:American children's adventure films]] [[Category:American children's comedy films]] [[Category:Films about parallel universes]] [[Category:Films based on video games]] [[Category:American films with live action and animation]] [[Category:Warner Bros. Discovery]] qrml5ly9gun5vu23f08k9sitpjzwbpb 3779067 3779066 2025-07-15T11:18:31Z Dronebogus 3078761 /* Steve */ 3779067 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''{{w|A Minecraft Movie}}''''' is a [[w:2025 in film|2025]] American [[w:Live-action animated|live-action animated]] [[w:Fantasy film|fantasy]] [[w:Adventure film|adventure]] [[w:Comedy film|comedy film]] about four misfits who are pulled through a portal into a cubic world that thrives on imagination, having no choice but to master the world while embarking on a quest with an expert crafter named Steve. :''Directed by [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]]. Written by Chris Bowman, {{w|Hubbel Palmer}}, Neil Widener, Gavin James and {{w|Chris Galletta}}.'' == Steve == * I… am Steve. * My name is Steve. And as a child, I yearned for the mines. But it didn't really work out. So, I did a terrible thing...I grew up. Yep, that's me. Same shirt, same pants. The only thing missing, was my soul. * If we want to save this world, creativity is the key to survival. * In the Overworld, anything you can dream about, you can create. * Life here was perfect. Until one day, we came across the Nether. A place with no joy or creativity at all. * Chicken Jockey! * First we mine, then we craft. Let's Minecraft! * Oh, these dudes? They're the villagers, they are just chill guys, they like to chill, trade and eat buttloads of bread. They love crushin' loaf. * Flint and steel! * Sneak attack! * Relax, That is an iron golem, don't worry about them, they are friendly, up until you mess with them don't ever do that! *Kid, anything you can dream about here, you can make. Zero limits. You know what I'm talking about. *You ever wonder what happens when you mix hot lava and chicken? I did, and you're about to find out. ==Garrett== * Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison. Gamer of the Year, 1989. Whatever. I barely think about it. * They want me to fight the chicken? * Fear is just weakness hijacking your body's cockpit. :'''Garrett''': ''(to Steve)'' [[wikt:vaya con Dios#Spanish|''Vaya con Dios'']]. It means "goodbye", brother. :'''Natalie''': No, it doesn't. :'''Garrett''': Don't look at her. It does. :'''Natalie''': No. It does not. :'''Garrett''': Yeah, it does. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Steve''': Crap! Chungus. :'''General Chungus''': I'm really sorry, but I have to unalive you and stuff. <Hr width=“50% “/> :''[A [[W:technoblade|pig wearing a crown]] walks by]'' :Henry: Whoa, is he some kind of king? :Steve: No, that's a ''legend''. == Cast == * [[Jack Black]] – Steve * [[Jason Momoa]] – Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison * {{w|Emma Myers}} – Natalie * {{w|Danielle Brooks}} – Dawn * Sebastian Hansen – Henry * [[Jennifer Coolidge]] – Vice Principal Marlene ===Voices=== * {{w|Rachel House}} – Malgosha * {{w|Jemaine Clement}} – Daryl and Bruce * [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]] – General Chungus * {{w|Matt Berry}} – Nitwit == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|id=3566834|title=A Minecraft Movie}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Minecraft Movie, A}} [[category:2025 films]] [[category:2020s American films]] [[category:Fantasy films]] [[category:Comedy films]] [[category:Adventure films]] [[Category:American children's fantasy films]] [[Category:American children's adventure films]] [[Category:American children's comedy films]] [[Category:Films about parallel universes]] [[Category:Films based on video games]] [[Category:American films with live action and animation]] [[Category:Warner Bros. Discovery]] j3lbp2xr2zrakhx39ah5jr4mllbjyid 3779068 3779067 2025-07-15T11:18:45Z Dronebogus 3078761 /* Steve */ 3779068 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''{{w|A Minecraft Movie}}''''' is a [[w:2025 in film|2025]] American [[w:Live-action animated|live-action animated]] [[w:Fantasy film|fantasy]] [[w:Adventure film|adventure]] [[w:Comedy film|comedy film]] about four misfits who are pulled through a portal into a cubic world that thrives on imagination, having no choice but to master the world while embarking on a quest with an expert crafter named Steve. :''Directed by [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]]. Written by Chris Bowman, {{w|Hubbel Palmer}}, Neil Widener, Gavin James and {{w|Chris Galletta}}.'' == Steve == * I… am Steve. * My name is Steve. And as a child, I yearned for the mines. But it didn't really work out. So, I did a terrible thing...I grew up. Yep, that's me. Same shirt, same pants. The only thing missing, was my soul. * If we want to save this world, creativity is the key to survival. * In the Overworld, anything you can dream about, you can create. * Life here was perfect. Until one day, we came across the Nether. A place with no joy or creativity at all. * Chicken Jockey! * First we mine, then we craft. Let's Minecraft! * Oh, these dudes? They're the villagers, they are just chill guys, they like to chill, trade and eat buttloads of bread. They love crushin' loaf. * Flint and steel! * Sneak attack! * Relax, That is an iron golem, don't worry about them, they are friendly, up until you mess with them don't ever do that! *Kid, anything you can dream about here, you can make. Zero limits. You know what I'm talking about. *You ever wonder what happens when you mix hot lava and chicken? I did, and you're about to find out. * This is a crafting table. Here's how it works. You place these elements in different patterns, and kaboom! You got yourself a sweet blade! ==Garrett== * Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison. Gamer of the Year, 1989. Whatever. I barely think about it. * They want me to fight the chicken? * Fear is just weakness hijacking your body's cockpit. :'''Garrett''': ''(to Steve)'' [[wikt:vaya con Dios#Spanish|''Vaya con Dios'']]. It means "goodbye", brother. :'''Natalie''': No, it doesn't. :'''Garrett''': Don't look at her. It does. :'''Natalie''': No. It does not. :'''Garrett''': Yeah, it does. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Steve''': Crap! Chungus. :'''General Chungus''': I'm really sorry, but I have to unalive you and stuff. <Hr width=“50% “/> :''[A [[W:technoblade|pig wearing a crown]] walks by]'' :Henry: Whoa, is he some kind of king? :Steve: No, that's a ''legend''. == Cast == * [[Jack Black]] – Steve * [[Jason Momoa]] – Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison * {{w|Emma Myers}} – Natalie * {{w|Danielle Brooks}} – Dawn * Sebastian Hansen – Henry * [[Jennifer Coolidge]] – Vice Principal Marlene ===Voices=== * {{w|Rachel House}} – Malgosha * {{w|Jemaine Clement}} – Daryl and Bruce * [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]] – General Chungus * {{w|Matt Berry}} – Nitwit == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|id=3566834|title=A Minecraft Movie}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Minecraft Movie, A}} [[category:2025 films]] [[category:2020s American films]] [[category:Fantasy films]] [[category:Comedy films]] [[category:Adventure films]] [[Category:American children's fantasy films]] [[Category:American children's adventure films]] [[Category:American children's comedy films]] [[Category:Films about parallel universes]] [[Category:Films based on video games]] [[Category:American films with live action and animation]] [[Category:Warner Bros. Discovery]] fk4nnaabdlms1xd58xxb7izmknvh413 3779069 3779068 2025-07-15T11:19:24Z Dronebogus 3078761 /* Steve */ 3779069 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''{{w|A Minecraft Movie}}''''' is a [[w:2025 in film|2025]] American [[w:Live-action animated|live-action animated]] [[w:Fantasy film|fantasy]] [[w:Adventure film|adventure]] [[w:Comedy film|comedy film]] about four misfits who are pulled through a portal into a cubic world that thrives on imagination, having no choice but to master the world while embarking on a quest with an expert crafter named Steve. :''Directed by [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]]. Written by Chris Bowman, {{w|Hubbel Palmer}}, Neil Widener, Gavin James and {{w|Chris Galletta}}.'' == Steve == * I… am Steve. * My name is Steve. And as a child, I yearned for the mines. But it didn't really work out. So, I did a terrible thing...I grew up. Yep, that's me. Same shirt, same pants. The only thing missing, was my soul. * If we want to save this world, creativity is the key to survival. * In the Overworld, anything you can dream about, you can create. * Chicken Jockey! * First we mine, then we craft. Let's Minecraft! * Oh, these dudes? They're the villagers, they are just chill guys, they like to chill, trade and eat buttloads of bread. They love crushin' loaf. * Flint and steel! * Sneak attack! * Relax, That is an iron golem, don't worry about them, they are friendly, up until you mess with them don't ever do that! *Kid, anything you can dream about here, you can make. Zero limits. You know what I'm talking about. *You ever wonder what happens when you mix hot lava and chicken? I did, and you're about to find out. * This is a crafting table. Here's how it works. You place these elements in different patterns, and kaboom! You got yourself a sweet blade! * ''[About the Nether]'' There was no joy, or creativity at all. Just a mindless lust for gold. ==Garrett== * Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison. Gamer of the Year, 1989. Whatever. I barely think about it. * They want me to fight the chicken? * Fear is just weakness hijacking your body's cockpit. :'''Garrett''': ''(to Steve)'' [[wikt:vaya con Dios#Spanish|''Vaya con Dios'']]. It means "goodbye", brother. :'''Natalie''': No, it doesn't. :'''Garrett''': Don't look at her. It does. :'''Natalie''': No. It does not. :'''Garrett''': Yeah, it does. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Steve''': Crap! Chungus. :'''General Chungus''': I'm really sorry, but I have to unalive you and stuff. <Hr width=“50% “/> :''[A [[W:technoblade|pig wearing a crown]] walks by]'' :Henry: Whoa, is he some kind of king? :Steve: No, that's a ''legend''. == Cast == * [[Jack Black]] – Steve * [[Jason Momoa]] – Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison * {{w|Emma Myers}} – Natalie * {{w|Danielle Brooks}} – Dawn * Sebastian Hansen – Henry * [[Jennifer Coolidge]] – Vice Principal Marlene ===Voices=== * {{w|Rachel House}} – Malgosha * {{w|Jemaine Clement}} – Daryl and Bruce * [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]] – General Chungus * {{w|Matt Berry}} – Nitwit == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|id=3566834|title=A Minecraft Movie}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Minecraft Movie, A}} [[category:2025 films]] [[category:2020s American films]] [[category:Fantasy films]] [[category:Comedy films]] [[category:Adventure films]] [[Category:American children's fantasy films]] [[Category:American children's adventure films]] [[Category:American children's comedy films]] [[Category:Films about parallel universes]] [[Category:Films based on video games]] [[Category:American films with live action and animation]] [[Category:Warner Bros. Discovery]] 5zof4pd04ngljlci29skfeldz5ilot2 3779070 3779069 2025-07-15T11:19:34Z Dronebogus 3078761 /* Steve */ 3779070 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''{{w|A Minecraft Movie}}''''' is a [[w:2025 in film|2025]] American [[w:Live-action animated|live-action animated]] [[w:Fantasy film|fantasy]] [[w:Adventure film|adventure]] [[w:Comedy film|comedy film]] about four misfits who are pulled through a portal into a cubic world that thrives on imagination, having no choice but to master the world while embarking on a quest with an expert crafter named Steve. :''Directed by [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]]. Written by Chris Bowman, {{w|Hubbel Palmer}}, Neil Widener, Gavin James and {{w|Chris Galletta}}.'' == Steve == * I… am Steve. * My name is Steve. And as a child, I yearned for the mines. But it didn't really work out. So, I did a terrible thing...I grew up. Yep, that's me. Same shirt, same pants. The only thing missing, was my soul. * If we want to save this world, creativity is the key to survival. * Chicken Jockey! * First we mine, then we craft. Let's Minecraft! * Oh, these dudes? They're the villagers, they are just chill guys, they like to chill, trade and eat buttloads of bread. They love crushin' loaf. * Flint and steel! * Sneak attack! * Relax, That is an iron golem, don't worry about them, they are friendly, up until you mess with them don't ever do that! *Kid, anything you can dream about here, you can make. Zero limits. You know what I'm talking about. *You ever wonder what happens when you mix hot lava and chicken? I did, and you're about to find out. * This is a crafting table. Here's how it works. You place these elements in different patterns, and kaboom! You got yourself a sweet blade! * ''[About the Nether]'' There was no joy, or creativity at all. Just a mindless lust for gold. ==Garrett== * Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison. Gamer of the Year, 1989. Whatever. I barely think about it. * They want me to fight the chicken? * Fear is just weakness hijacking your body's cockpit. :'''Garrett''': ''(to Steve)'' [[wikt:vaya con Dios#Spanish|''Vaya con Dios'']]. It means "goodbye", brother. :'''Natalie''': No, it doesn't. :'''Garrett''': Don't look at her. It does. :'''Natalie''': No. It does not. :'''Garrett''': Yeah, it does. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Steve''': Crap! Chungus. :'''General Chungus''': I'm really sorry, but I have to unalive you and stuff. <Hr width=“50% “/> :''[A [[W:technoblade|pig wearing a crown]] walks by]'' :Henry: Whoa, is he some kind of king? :Steve: No, that's a ''legend''. == Cast == * [[Jack Black]] – Steve * [[Jason Momoa]] – Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison * {{w|Emma Myers}} – Natalie * {{w|Danielle Brooks}} – Dawn * Sebastian Hansen – Henry * [[Jennifer Coolidge]] – Vice Principal Marlene ===Voices=== * {{w|Rachel House}} – Malgosha * {{w|Jemaine Clement}} – Daryl and Bruce * [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]] – General Chungus * {{w|Matt Berry}} – Nitwit == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|id=3566834|title=A Minecraft Movie}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Minecraft Movie, A}} [[category:2025 films]] [[category:2020s American films]] [[category:Fantasy films]] [[category:Comedy films]] [[category:Adventure films]] [[Category:American children's fantasy films]] [[Category:American children's adventure films]] [[Category:American children's comedy films]] [[Category:Films about parallel universes]] [[Category:Films based on video games]] [[Category:American films with live action and animation]] [[Category:Warner Bros. Discovery]] 08xj1gy6nurjl9m8agsbsczc9d8fkhz 3779071 3779070 2025-07-15T11:19:58Z Dronebogus 3078761 /* Steve */ 3779071 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''{{w|A Minecraft Movie}}''''' is a [[w:2025 in film|2025]] American [[w:Live-action animated|live-action animated]] [[w:Fantasy film|fantasy]] [[w:Adventure film|adventure]] [[w:Comedy film|comedy film]] about four misfits who are pulled through a portal into a cubic world that thrives on imagination, having no choice but to master the world while embarking on a quest with an expert crafter named Steve. :''Directed by [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]]. Written by Chris Bowman, {{w|Hubbel Palmer}}, Neil Widener, Gavin James and {{w|Chris Galletta}}.'' == Steve == * I… am Steve. * My name is Steve. And as a child, I yearned for the mines. But it didn't really work out. So, I did a terrible thing...I grew up. Yep, that's me. Same shirt, same pants. The only thing missing, was my soul. * Creativity in this world is key to survival. * Chicken Jockey! * First we mine, then we craft. Let's Minecraft! * Oh, these dudes? They're the villagers, they are just chill guys, they like to chill, trade and eat buttloads of bread. They love crushin' loaf. * Flint and steel! * Sneak attack! * Relax, That is an iron golem, don't worry about them, they are friendly, up until you mess with them don't ever do that! *Kid, anything you can dream about here, you can make. Zero limits. You know what I'm talking about. *You ever wonder what happens when you mix hot lava and chicken? I did, and you're about to find out. * This is a crafting table. Here's how it works. You place these elements in different patterns, and kaboom! You got yourself a sweet blade! * ''[About the Nether]'' There was no joy, or creativity at all. Just a mindless lust for gold. ==Garrett== * Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison. Gamer of the Year, 1989. Whatever. I barely think about it. * They want me to fight the chicken? * Fear is just weakness hijacking your body's cockpit. :'''Garrett''': ''(to Steve)'' [[wikt:vaya con Dios#Spanish|''Vaya con Dios'']]. It means "goodbye", brother. :'''Natalie''': No, it doesn't. :'''Garrett''': Don't look at her. It does. :'''Natalie''': No. It does not. :'''Garrett''': Yeah, it does. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Steve''': Crap! Chungus. :'''General Chungus''': I'm really sorry, but I have to unalive you and stuff. <Hr width=“50% “/> :''[A [[W:technoblade|pig wearing a crown]] walks by]'' :Henry: Whoa, is he some kind of king? :Steve: No, that's a ''legend''. == Cast == * [[Jack Black]] – Steve * [[Jason Momoa]] – Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison * {{w|Emma Myers}} – Natalie * {{w|Danielle Brooks}} – Dawn * Sebastian Hansen – Henry * [[Jennifer Coolidge]] – Vice Principal Marlene ===Voices=== * {{w|Rachel House}} – Malgosha * {{w|Jemaine Clement}} – Daryl and Bruce * [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]] – General Chungus * {{w|Matt Berry}} – Nitwit == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|id=3566834|title=A Minecraft Movie}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Minecraft Movie, A}} [[category:2025 films]] [[category:2020s American films]] [[category:Fantasy films]] [[category:Comedy films]] [[category:Adventure films]] [[Category:American children's fantasy films]] [[Category:American children's adventure films]] [[Category:American children's comedy films]] [[Category:Films about parallel universes]] [[Category:Films based on video games]] [[Category:American films with live action and animation]] [[Category:Warner Bros. Discovery]] dog19wrp675jh6a6sc2dq9rjlq1sk59 3779072 3779071 2025-07-15T11:20:10Z Dronebogus 3078761 /* Garrett */ 3779072 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''{{w|A Minecraft Movie}}''''' is a [[w:2025 in film|2025]] American [[w:Live-action animated|live-action animated]] [[w:Fantasy film|fantasy]] [[w:Adventure film|adventure]] [[w:Comedy film|comedy film]] about four misfits who are pulled through a portal into a cubic world that thrives on imagination, having no choice but to master the world while embarking on a quest with an expert crafter named Steve. :''Directed by [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]]. Written by Chris Bowman, {{w|Hubbel Palmer}}, Neil Widener, Gavin James and {{w|Chris Galletta}}.'' == Steve == * I… am Steve. * My name is Steve. And as a child, I yearned for the mines. But it didn't really work out. So, I did a terrible thing...I grew up. Yep, that's me. Same shirt, same pants. The only thing missing, was my soul. * Creativity in this world is key to survival. * Chicken Jockey! * First we mine, then we craft. Let's Minecraft! * Oh, these dudes? They're the villagers, they are just chill guys, they like to chill, trade and eat buttloads of bread. They love crushin' loaf. * Flint and steel! * Sneak attack! * Relax, That is an iron golem, don't worry about them, they are friendly, up until you mess with them don't ever do that! *Kid, anything you can dream about here, you can make. Zero limits. You know what I'm talking about. *You ever wonder what happens when you mix hot lava and chicken? I did, and you're about to find out. * This is a crafting table. Here's how it works. You place these elements in different patterns, and kaboom! You got yourself a sweet blade! * ''[About the Nether]'' There was no joy, or creativity at all. Just a mindless lust for gold. ==Garrett== * Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison. Gamer of the Year, 1989. Whatever. I barely think about it. * They want me to fight the chicken? * Fear is just weakness hijacking your body's cockpit. :'''Garrett''': ''(to Steve)'' [[wikt:vaya con Dios#Spanish|''Vaya con Dios'']]. It means "goodbye", brother. :'''Natalie''': No, it doesn't. :'''Garrett''': Don't look at her. It does. :'''Natalie''': No. It does not. :'''Garrett''': Yeah, it does. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Steve''': Crap! Chungus. :'''General Chungus''': I'm really sorry, but I have to unalive you and stuff. <Hr width=“50% “/> :''[A [[W:technoblade|pig wearing a crown]] walks by]'' :'''Henry''': Whoa, is he some kind of king? :'''Steve''': No, that's a ''legend''. == Cast == * [[Jack Black]] – Steve * [[Jason Momoa]] – Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison * {{w|Emma Myers}} – Natalie * {{w|Danielle Brooks}} – Dawn * Sebastian Hansen – Henry * [[Jennifer Coolidge]] – Vice Principal Marlene ===Voices=== * {{w|Rachel House}} – Malgosha * {{w|Jemaine Clement}} – Daryl and Bruce * [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]] – General Chungus * {{w|Matt Berry}} – Nitwit == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|id=3566834|title=A Minecraft Movie}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Minecraft Movie, A}} [[category:2025 films]] [[category:2020s American films]] [[category:Fantasy films]] [[category:Comedy films]] [[category:Adventure films]] [[Category:American children's fantasy films]] [[Category:American children's adventure films]] [[Category:American children's comedy films]] [[Category:Films about parallel universes]] [[Category:Films based on video games]] [[Category:American films with live action and animation]] [[Category:Warner Bros. Discovery]] 76y9zozatazg4cghuwqmt2w6x147wn8 3779073 3779072 2025-07-15T11:20:27Z Dronebogus 3078761 /* Garrett */ 3779073 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''{{w|A Minecraft Movie}}''''' is a [[w:2025 in film|2025]] American [[w:Live-action animated|live-action animated]] [[w:Fantasy film|fantasy]] [[w:Adventure film|adventure]] [[w:Comedy film|comedy film]] about four misfits who are pulled through a portal into a cubic world that thrives on imagination, having no choice but to master the world while embarking on a quest with an expert crafter named Steve. :''Directed by [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]]. Written by Chris Bowman, {{w|Hubbel Palmer}}, Neil Widener, Gavin James and {{w|Chris Galletta}}.'' == Steve == * I… am Steve. * My name is Steve. And as a child, I yearned for the mines. But it didn't really work out. So, I did a terrible thing...I grew up. Yep, that's me. Same shirt, same pants. The only thing missing, was my soul. * Creativity in this world is key to survival. * Chicken Jockey! * First we mine, then we craft. Let's Minecraft! * Oh, these dudes? They're the villagers, they are just chill guys, they like to chill, trade and eat buttloads of bread. They love crushin' loaf. * Flint and steel! * Sneak attack! * Relax, That is an iron golem, don't worry about them, they are friendly, up until you mess with them don't ever do that! *Kid, anything you can dream about here, you can make. Zero limits. You know what I'm talking about. *You ever wonder what happens when you mix hot lava and chicken? I did, and you're about to find out. * This is a crafting table. Here's how it works. You place these elements in different patterns, and kaboom! You got yourself a sweet blade! * ''[About the Nether]'' There was no joy, or creativity at all. Just a mindless lust for gold. ==Garrett== * Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison. Gamer of the Year, 1989. Whatever. I barely think about it. * They want me to fight the chicken? * Fear is just weakness hijacking your body's cockpit. ==Dialogue== :'''Garrett''': ''(to Steve)'' [[wikt:vaya con Dios#Spanish|''Vaya con Dios'']]. It means "goodbye", brother. :'''Natalie''': No, it doesn't. :'''Garrett''': Don't look at her. It does. :'''Natalie''': No. It does not. :'''Garrett''': Yeah, it does. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Steve''': Crap! Chungus. :'''General Chungus''': I'm really sorry, but I have to unalive you and stuff. <Hr width=“50% “/> :''[A [[W:technoblade|pig wearing a crown]] walks by]'' :'''Henry''': Whoa, is he some kind of king? :'''Steve''': No, that's a ''legend''. == Cast == * [[Jack Black]] – Steve * [[Jason Momoa]] – Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison * {{w|Emma Myers}} – Natalie * {{w|Danielle Brooks}} – Dawn * Sebastian Hansen – Henry * [[Jennifer Coolidge]] – Vice Principal Marlene ===Voices=== * {{w|Rachel House}} – Malgosha * {{w|Jemaine Clement}} – Daryl and Bruce * [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]] – General Chungus * {{w|Matt Berry}} – Nitwit == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|id=3566834|title=A Minecraft Movie}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Minecraft Movie, A}} [[category:2025 films]] [[category:2020s American films]] [[category:Fantasy films]] [[category:Comedy films]] [[category:Adventure films]] [[Category:American children's fantasy films]] [[Category:American children's adventure films]] [[Category:American children's comedy films]] [[Category:Films about parallel universes]] [[Category:Films based on video games]] [[Category:American films with live action and animation]] [[Category:Warner Bros. Discovery]] 3wiujujft0l8dkupeldtu25uydm573i 3779074 3779073 2025-07-15T11:21:06Z Dronebogus 3078761 /* Garrett */ 3779074 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''{{w|A Minecraft Movie}}''''' is a [[w:2025 in film|2025]] American [[w:Live-action animated|live-action animated]] [[w:Fantasy film|fantasy]] [[w:Adventure film|adventure]] [[w:Comedy film|comedy film]] about four misfits who are pulled through a portal into a cubic world that thrives on imagination, having no choice but to master the world while embarking on a quest with an expert crafter named Steve. :''Directed by [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]]. Written by Chris Bowman, {{w|Hubbel Palmer}}, Neil Widener, Gavin James and {{w|Chris Galletta}}.'' == Steve == * I… am Steve. * My name is Steve. And as a child, I yearned for the mines. But it didn't really work out. So, I did a terrible thing...I grew up. Yep, that's me. Same shirt, same pants. The only thing missing, was my soul. * Creativity in this world is key to survival. * Chicken Jockey! * First we mine, then we craft. Let's Minecraft! * Oh, these dudes? They're the villagers, they are just chill guys, they like to chill, trade and eat buttloads of bread. They love crushin' loaf. * Flint and steel! * Sneak attack! * Relax, That is an iron golem, don't worry about them, they are friendly, up until you mess with them don't ever do that! *Kid, anything you can dream about here, you can make. Zero limits. You know what I'm talking about. *You ever wonder what happens when you mix hot lava and chicken? I did, and you're about to find out. * This is a crafting table. Here's how it works. You place these elements in different patterns, and kaboom! You got yourself a sweet blade! * ''[About the Nether]'' There was no joy, or creativity at all. Just a mindless lust for gold. ==Garrett== * Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison. Gamer of the Year, 1989. Whatever. I barely think about it. * They want me to fight the chicken? * Fear is just weakness hijacking your body's cockpit. *Listen, kid. The point is, there's no "I" in team. But there are two in winning. ==Dialogue== :'''Garrett''': ''(to Steve)'' [[wikt:vaya con Dios#Spanish|''Vaya con Dios'']]. It means "goodbye", brother. :'''Natalie''': No, it doesn't. :'''Garrett''': Don't look at her. It does. :'''Natalie''': No. It does not. :'''Garrett''': Yeah, it does. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Steve''': Crap! Chungus. :'''General Chungus''': I'm really sorry, but I have to unalive you and stuff. <Hr width=“50% “/> :''[A [[W:technoblade|pig wearing a crown]] walks by]'' :'''Henry''': Whoa, is he some kind of king? :'''Steve''': No, that's a ''legend''. == Cast == * [[Jack Black]] – Steve * [[Jason Momoa]] – Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison * {{w|Emma Myers}} – Natalie * {{w|Danielle Brooks}} – Dawn * Sebastian Hansen – Henry * [[Jennifer Coolidge]] – Vice Principal Marlene ===Voices=== * {{w|Rachel House}} – Malgosha * {{w|Jemaine Clement}} – Daryl and Bruce * [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]] – General Chungus * {{w|Matt Berry}} – Nitwit == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|id=3566834|title=A Minecraft Movie}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Minecraft Movie, A}} [[category:2025 films]] [[category:2020s American films]] [[category:Fantasy films]] [[category:Comedy films]] [[category:Adventure films]] [[Category:American children's fantasy films]] [[Category:American children's adventure films]] [[Category:American children's comedy films]] [[Category:Films about parallel universes]] [[Category:Films based on video games]] [[Category:American films with live action and animation]] [[Category:Warner Bros. Discovery]] pquafs6vpay9t548d1pt84t9qf3c3gr 3779075 3779074 2025-07-15T11:23:06Z Dronebogus 3078761 /* Steve */ 3779075 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''{{w|A Minecraft Movie}}''''' is a [[w:2025 in film|2025]] American [[w:Live-action animated|live-action animated]] [[w:Fantasy film|fantasy]] [[w:Adventure film|adventure]] [[w:Comedy film|comedy film]] about four misfits who are pulled through a portal into a cubic world that thrives on imagination, having no choice but to master the world while embarking on a quest with an expert crafter named Steve. :''Directed by [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]]. Written by Chris Bowman, {{w|Hubbel Palmer}}, Neil Widener, Gavin James and {{w|Chris Galletta}}.'' == Steve == * I… am Steve. * My name is Steve. And as a child, I yearned for the mines. But it didn't really work out. So, I did a terrible thing...I grew up. Yep, that's me. Same shirt, same pants. The only thing missing, was my soul. * Creativity in this world is key to survival. * Chicken Jockey! * First we mine, then we craft. Let's Minecraft! * Oh, these dudes? They're the villagers, they are just chill guys, they like to chill, trade and eat buttloads of bread. They love crushin' loaf. * Flint and steel! * Sneak attack! * Comin' in hot! * Relax, That is an iron golem, don't worry about them, they are friendly, up until you mess with them don't ever do that! *Kid, anything you can dream about here, you can make. Zero limits. You know what I'm talking about. *You ever wonder what happens when you mix hot lava and chicken? I did, and you're about to find out. * This is a crafting table. Here's how it works. You place these elements in different patterns, and kaboom! You got yourself a sweet blade! * ''[About the Nether]'' There was no joy, or creativity at all. Just a mindless lust for gold. ==Garrett== * Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison. Gamer of the Year, 1989. Whatever. I barely think about it. * They want me to fight the chicken? * Fear is just weakness hijacking your body's cockpit. *Listen, kid. The point is, there's no "I" in team. But there are two in winning. ==Dialogue== :'''Garrett''': ''(to Steve)'' [[wikt:vaya con Dios#Spanish|''Vaya con Dios'']]. It means "goodbye", brother. :'''Natalie''': No, it doesn't. :'''Garrett''': Don't look at her. It does. :'''Natalie''': No. It does not. :'''Garrett''': Yeah, it does. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Steve''': Crap! Chungus. :'''General Chungus''': I'm really sorry, but I have to unalive you and stuff. <Hr width=“50% “/> :''[A [[W:technoblade|pig wearing a crown]] walks by]'' :'''Henry''': Whoa, is he some kind of king? :'''Steve''': No, that's a ''legend''. == Cast == * [[Jack Black]] – Steve * [[Jason Momoa]] – Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison * {{w|Emma Myers}} – Natalie * {{w|Danielle Brooks}} – Dawn * Sebastian Hansen – Henry * [[Jennifer Coolidge]] – Vice Principal Marlene ===Voices=== * {{w|Rachel House}} – Malgosha * {{w|Jemaine Clement}} – Daryl and Bruce * [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]] – General Chungus * {{w|Matt Berry}} – Nitwit == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|id=3566834|title=A Minecraft Movie}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Minecraft Movie, A}} [[category:2025 films]] [[category:2020s American films]] [[category:Fantasy films]] [[category:Comedy films]] [[category:Adventure films]] [[Category:American children's fantasy films]] [[Category:American children's adventure films]] [[Category:American children's comedy films]] [[Category:Films about parallel universes]] [[Category:Films based on video games]] [[Category:American films with live action and animation]] [[Category:Warner Bros. Discovery]] alrcg8hrjl7gy3o95b1qo6316p34y33 3779076 3779075 2025-07-15T11:23:44Z Dronebogus 3078761 /* Steve */ 3779076 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''{{w|A Minecraft Movie}}''''' is a [[w:2025 in film|2025]] American [[w:Live-action animated|live-action animated]] [[w:Fantasy film|fantasy]] [[w:Adventure film|adventure]] [[w:Comedy film|comedy film]] about four misfits who are pulled through a portal into a cubic world that thrives on imagination, having no choice but to master the world while embarking on a quest with an expert crafter named Steve. :''Directed by [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]]. Written by Chris Bowman, {{w|Hubbel Palmer}}, Neil Widener, Gavin James and {{w|Chris Galletta}}.'' == Steve == * I… am Steve. * My name is Steve. And as a child, I yearned for the mines. But it didn't really work out. So, I did a terrible thing...I grew up. Yep, that's me. Same shirt, same pants. The only thing missing, was my soul. * Creativity in this world is key to survival. * Chicken Jockey! * First we mine, then we craft. Let's Minecraft! * Oh, these dudes? They're the villagers, they are just chill guys, they like to chill, trade and eat buttloads of bread. They love crushin' loaf. * Flint and steel! * Sneak attack! * Comin' in hot! * Relax, That is an iron golem, don't worry about them, they are friendly, up until you mess with them don't ever do that! *Kid, anything you can dream about here, you can make. Zero limits. You know what I'm talking about. *You ever wonder what happens when you mix hot lava and chicken? I did, and you're about to find out. * This is a crafting table. Here's how it works. You place these elements in different patterns, and kaboom! You got yourself a sweet blade! * ''[About the Nether]'' There was no joy, or creativity at all. Just a mindless lust for gold. * La-la-la-lava. Ch-ch-ch-chicken. Steve's Lava Chicken, yeah, it's tasty as hell. Oh, mamacita, now you're ringing the bell. Crispy and juicy, now you're having a snack. Oh, super spicy, it's a lava attack! ==Garrett== * Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison. Gamer of the Year, 1989. Whatever. I barely think about it. * They want me to fight the chicken? * Fear is just weakness hijacking your body's cockpit. *Listen, kid. The point is, there's no "I" in team. But there are two in winning. ==Dialogue== :'''Garrett''': ''(to Steve)'' [[wikt:vaya con Dios#Spanish|''Vaya con Dios'']]. It means "goodbye", brother. :'''Natalie''': No, it doesn't. :'''Garrett''': Don't look at her. It does. :'''Natalie''': No. It does not. :'''Garrett''': Yeah, it does. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Steve''': Crap! Chungus. :'''General Chungus''': I'm really sorry, but I have to unalive you and stuff. <Hr width=“50% “/> :''[A [[W:technoblade|pig wearing a crown]] walks by]'' :'''Henry''': Whoa, is he some kind of king? :'''Steve''': No, that's a ''legend''. == Cast == * [[Jack Black]] – Steve * [[Jason Momoa]] – Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison * {{w|Emma Myers}} – Natalie * {{w|Danielle Brooks}} – Dawn * Sebastian Hansen – Henry * [[Jennifer Coolidge]] – Vice Principal Marlene ===Voices=== * {{w|Rachel House}} – Malgosha * {{w|Jemaine Clement}} – Daryl and Bruce * [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]] – General Chungus * {{w|Matt Berry}} – Nitwit == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|id=3566834|title=A Minecraft Movie}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Minecraft Movie, A}} [[category:2025 films]] [[category:2020s American films]] [[category:Fantasy films]] [[category:Comedy films]] [[category:Adventure films]] [[Category:American children's fantasy films]] [[Category:American children's adventure films]] [[Category:American children's comedy films]] [[Category:Films about parallel universes]] [[Category:Films based on video games]] [[Category:American films with live action and animation]] [[Category:Warner Bros. Discovery]] mujgx192drf4w9spr208s33p7peqvq0 3779077 3779076 2025-07-15T11:24:20Z Dronebogus 3078761 /* Dialogue */ 3779077 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''{{w|A Minecraft Movie}}''''' is a [[w:2025 in film|2025]] American [[w:Live-action animated|live-action animated]] [[w:Fantasy film|fantasy]] [[w:Adventure film|adventure]] [[w:Comedy film|comedy film]] about four misfits who are pulled through a portal into a cubic world that thrives on imagination, having no choice but to master the world while embarking on a quest with an expert crafter named Steve. :''Directed by [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]]. Written by Chris Bowman, {{w|Hubbel Palmer}}, Neil Widener, Gavin James and {{w|Chris Galletta}}.'' == Steve == * I… am Steve. * My name is Steve. And as a child, I yearned for the mines. But it didn't really work out. So, I did a terrible thing...I grew up. Yep, that's me. Same shirt, same pants. The only thing missing, was my soul. * Creativity in this world is key to survival. * Chicken Jockey! * First we mine, then we craft. Let's Minecraft! * Oh, these dudes? They're the villagers, they are just chill guys, they like to chill, trade and eat buttloads of bread. They love crushin' loaf. * Flint and steel! * Sneak attack! * Comin' in hot! * Relax, That is an iron golem, don't worry about them, they are friendly, up until you mess with them don't ever do that! *Kid, anything you can dream about here, you can make. Zero limits. You know what I'm talking about. *You ever wonder what happens when you mix hot lava and chicken? I did, and you're about to find out. * This is a crafting table. Here's how it works. You place these elements in different patterns, and kaboom! You got yourself a sweet blade! * ''[About the Nether]'' There was no joy, or creativity at all. Just a mindless lust for gold. * La-la-la-lava. Ch-ch-ch-chicken. Steve's Lava Chicken, yeah, it's tasty as hell. Oh, mamacita, now you're ringing the bell. Crispy and juicy, now you're having a snack. Oh, super spicy, it's a lava attack! ==Garrett== * Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison. Gamer of the Year, 1989. Whatever. I barely think about it. * They want me to fight the chicken? * Fear is just weakness hijacking your body's cockpit. *Listen, kid. The point is, there's no "I" in team. But there are two in winning. ==Dialogue== :'''Garrett''': ''(to Steve)'' [[wikt:vaya con Dios#Spanish|''Vaya con Dios'']]. It means "goodbye", brother. :'''Natalie''': No, it doesn't. :'''Garrett''': Don't look at her. It does. :'''Natalie''': No. It does not. :'''Garrett''': Yeah, it does. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Steve''': Crap! Chungus. :'''General Chungus''': I'm really sorry, but I have to unalive you and stuff. <Hr width=“50% “/> :''[A [[W:technoblade|pig wearing a crown]] walks by]'' :'''Henry''': Whoa, is he some kind of king? :'''Steve''': No, that's a ''legend''. <Hr width=“50% “/> :'''Malgosha''': You'll never be happy. Deep down you know. To hope, to dream, to create, is to suffer. :'''Steve''': You're right. It is harder to create than to destroy. That's why cowards tend to chose the deuce. == Cast == * [[Jack Black]] – Steve * [[Jason Momoa]] – Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison * {{w|Emma Myers}} – Natalie * {{w|Danielle Brooks}} – Dawn * Sebastian Hansen – Henry * [[Jennifer Coolidge]] – Vice Principal Marlene ===Voices=== * {{w|Rachel House}} – Malgosha * {{w|Jemaine Clement}} – Daryl and Bruce * [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]] – General Chungus * {{w|Matt Berry}} – Nitwit == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|id=3566834|title=A Minecraft Movie}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Minecraft Movie, A}} [[category:2025 films]] [[category:2020s American films]] [[category:Fantasy films]] [[category:Comedy films]] [[category:Adventure films]] [[Category:American children's fantasy films]] [[Category:American children's adventure films]] [[Category:American children's comedy films]] [[Category:Films about parallel universes]] [[Category:Films based on video games]] [[Category:American films with live action and animation]] [[Category:Warner Bros. Discovery]] 5zqnyn2nm6x4s1xwy3a69rhqkyi4kk2 3779078 3779077 2025-07-15T11:24:48Z Dronebogus 3078761 /* Garrett */ 3779078 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''{{w|A Minecraft Movie}}''''' is a [[w:2025 in film|2025]] American [[w:Live-action animated|live-action animated]] [[w:Fantasy film|fantasy]] [[w:Adventure film|adventure]] [[w:Comedy film|comedy film]] about four misfits who are pulled through a portal into a cubic world that thrives on imagination, having no choice but to master the world while embarking on a quest with an expert crafter named Steve. :''Directed by [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]]. Written by Chris Bowman, {{w|Hubbel Palmer}}, Neil Widener, Gavin James and {{w|Chris Galletta}}.'' == Steve == * I… am Steve. * My name is Steve. And as a child, I yearned for the mines. But it didn't really work out. So, I did a terrible thing...I grew up. Yep, that's me. Same shirt, same pants. The only thing missing, was my soul. * Creativity in this world is key to survival. * Chicken Jockey! * First we mine, then we craft. Let's Minecraft! * Oh, these dudes? They're the villagers, they are just chill guys, they like to chill, trade and eat buttloads of bread. They love crushin' loaf. * Flint and steel! * Sneak attack! * Comin' in hot! * Relax, That is an iron golem, don't worry about them, they are friendly, up until you mess with them don't ever do that! *Kid, anything you can dream about here, you can make. Zero limits. You know what I'm talking about. *You ever wonder what happens when you mix hot lava and chicken? I did, and you're about to find out. * This is a crafting table. Here's how it works. You place these elements in different patterns, and kaboom! You got yourself a sweet blade! * ''[About the Nether]'' There was no joy, or creativity at all. Just a mindless lust for gold. * La-la-la-lava. Ch-ch-ch-chicken. Steve's Lava Chicken, yeah, it's tasty as hell. Oh, mamacita, now you're ringing the bell. Crispy and juicy, now you're having a snack. Oh, super spicy, it's a lava attack! ==Garrett== * Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison. Gamer of the Year, 1989. Whatever. I barely think about it. * Fear is just weakness hijacking your body's cockpit. *Listen, kid. The point is, there's no "I" in team. But there are two in winning. ==Dialogue== :'''Garrett''': ''(to Steve)'' [[wikt:vaya con Dios#Spanish|''Vaya con Dios'']]. It means "goodbye", brother. :'''Natalie''': No, it doesn't. :'''Garrett''': Don't look at her. It does. :'''Natalie''': No. It does not. :'''Garrett''': Yeah, it does. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Steve''': Crap! Chungus. :'''General Chungus''': I'm really sorry, but I have to unalive you and stuff. <Hr width=“50% “/> :''[A [[W:technoblade|pig wearing a crown]] walks by]'' :'''Henry''': Whoa, is he some kind of king? :'''Steve''': No, that's a ''legend''. <Hr width=“50% “/> :'''Malgosha''': You'll never be happy. Deep down you know. To hope, to dream, to create, is to suffer. :'''Steve''': You're right. It is harder to create than to destroy. That's why cowards tend to chose the deuce. == Cast == * [[Jack Black]] – Steve * [[Jason Momoa]] – Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison * {{w|Emma Myers}} – Natalie * {{w|Danielle Brooks}} – Dawn * Sebastian Hansen – Henry * [[Jennifer Coolidge]] – Vice Principal Marlene ===Voices=== * {{w|Rachel House}} – Malgosha * {{w|Jemaine Clement}} – Daryl and Bruce * [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]] – General Chungus * {{w|Matt Berry}} – Nitwit == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|id=3566834|title=A Minecraft Movie}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Minecraft Movie, A}} [[category:2025 films]] [[category:2020s American films]] [[category:Fantasy films]] [[category:Comedy films]] [[category:Adventure films]] [[Category:American children's fantasy films]] [[Category:American children's adventure films]] [[Category:American children's comedy films]] [[Category:Films about parallel universes]] [[Category:Films based on video games]] [[Category:American films with live action and animation]] [[Category:Warner Bros. Discovery]] 5g2v0dj4pja0e1jxwh0nddtn6vn3kdv 3779079 3779078 2025-07-15T11:25:28Z Dronebogus 3078761 /* Dialogue */ 3779079 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''{{w|A Minecraft Movie}}''''' is a [[w:2025 in film|2025]] American [[w:Live-action animated|live-action animated]] [[w:Fantasy film|fantasy]] [[w:Adventure film|adventure]] [[w:Comedy film|comedy film]] about four misfits who are pulled through a portal into a cubic world that thrives on imagination, having no choice but to master the world while embarking on a quest with an expert crafter named Steve. :''Directed by [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]]. Written by Chris Bowman, {{w|Hubbel Palmer}}, Neil Widener, Gavin James and {{w|Chris Galletta}}.'' == Steve == * I… am Steve. * My name is Steve. And as a child, I yearned for the mines. But it didn't really work out. So, I did a terrible thing...I grew up. Yep, that's me. Same shirt, same pants. The only thing missing, was my soul. * Creativity in this world is key to survival. * Chicken Jockey! * First we mine, then we craft. Let's Minecraft! * Oh, these dudes? They're the villagers, they are just chill guys, they like to chill, trade and eat buttloads of bread. They love crushin' loaf. * Flint and steel! * Sneak attack! * Comin' in hot! * Relax, That is an iron golem, don't worry about them, they are friendly, up until you mess with them don't ever do that! *Kid, anything you can dream about here, you can make. Zero limits. You know what I'm talking about. *You ever wonder what happens when you mix hot lava and chicken? I did, and you're about to find out. * This is a crafting table. Here's how it works. You place these elements in different patterns, and kaboom! You got yourself a sweet blade! * ''[About the Nether]'' There was no joy, or creativity at all. Just a mindless lust for gold. * La-la-la-lava. Ch-ch-ch-chicken. Steve's Lava Chicken, yeah, it's tasty as hell. Oh, mamacita, now you're ringing the bell. Crispy and juicy, now you're having a snack. Oh, super spicy, it's a lava attack! ==Garrett== * Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison. Gamer of the Year, 1989. Whatever. I barely think about it. * Fear is just weakness hijacking your body's cockpit. *Listen, kid. The point is, there's no "I" in team. But there are two in winning. ==Dialogue== :'''Garrett''': ''(to Steve)'' [[wikt:vaya con Dios#Spanish|''Vaya con Dios'']]. It means "goodbye", brother. :'''Natalie''': No, it doesn't. :'''Garrett''': Don't look at her. It does. :'''Natalie''': No. It does not. :'''Garrett''': Yeah, it does. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Steve''': Crap! Chungus. :'''General Chungus''': I'm really sorry, but I have to unalive you and stuff. <Hr width=“50% “/> :'''Garrett''': They want me to fight the chicken? :'''Steve''': ''Chicken jockey!'' <Hr width=“50% “/> :''[A [[W:technoblade|pig wearing a crown]] walks by]'' :'''Henry''': Whoa, is he some kind of king? :'''Steve''': No, that's a ''legend''. <Hr width=“50% “/> :'''Malgosha''': You'll never be happy. Deep down you know. To hope, to dream, to create, is to suffer. :'''Steve''': You're right. It is harder to create than to destroy. That's why cowards tend to chose the deuce. == Cast == * [[Jack Black]] – Steve * [[Jason Momoa]] – Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison * {{w|Emma Myers}} – Natalie * {{w|Danielle Brooks}} – Dawn * Sebastian Hansen – Henry * [[Jennifer Coolidge]] – Vice Principal Marlene ===Voices=== * {{w|Rachel House}} – Malgosha * {{w|Jemaine Clement}} – Daryl and Bruce * [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]] – General Chungus * {{w|Matt Berry}} – Nitwit == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|id=3566834|title=A Minecraft Movie}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Minecraft Movie, A}} [[category:2025 films]] [[category:2020s American films]] [[category:Fantasy films]] [[category:Comedy films]] [[category:Adventure films]] [[Category:American children's fantasy films]] [[Category:American children's adventure films]] [[Category:American children's comedy films]] [[Category:Films about parallel universes]] [[Category:Films based on video games]] [[Category:American films with live action and animation]] [[Category:Warner Bros. Discovery]] 5lt3cycko5f302d6bepnxbzrbmvom90 3779080 3779079 2025-07-15T11:25:37Z Dronebogus 3078761 /* Steve */ 3779080 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''{{w|A Minecraft Movie}}''''' is a [[w:2025 in film|2025]] American [[w:Live-action animated|live-action animated]] [[w:Fantasy film|fantasy]] [[w:Adventure film|adventure]] [[w:Comedy film|comedy film]] about four misfits who are pulled through a portal into a cubic world that thrives on imagination, having no choice but to master the world while embarking on a quest with an expert crafter named Steve. :''Directed by [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]]. Written by Chris Bowman, {{w|Hubbel Palmer}}, Neil Widener, Gavin James and {{w|Chris Galletta}}.'' == Steve == * I… am Steve. * My name is Steve. And as a child, I yearned for the mines. But it didn't really work out. So, I did a terrible thing...I grew up. Yep, that's me. Same shirt, same pants. The only thing missing, was my soul. * Creativity in this world is key to survival. * First we mine, then we craft. Let's Minecraft! * Oh, these dudes? They're the villagers, they are just chill guys, they like to chill, trade and eat buttloads of bread. They love crushin' loaf. * Flint and steel! * Sneak attack! * Comin' in hot! * Relax, That is an iron golem, don't worry about them, they are friendly, up until you mess with them don't ever do that! *Kid, anything you can dream about here, you can make. Zero limits. You know what I'm talking about. *You ever wonder what happens when you mix hot lava and chicken? I did, and you're about to find out. * This is a crafting table. Here's how it works. You place these elements in different patterns, and kaboom! You got yourself a sweet blade! * ''[About the Nether]'' There was no joy, or creativity at all. Just a mindless lust for gold. * La-la-la-lava. Ch-ch-ch-chicken. Steve's Lava Chicken, yeah, it's tasty as hell. Oh, mamacita, now you're ringing the bell. Crispy and juicy, now you're having a snack. Oh, super spicy, it's a lava attack! ==Garrett== * Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison. Gamer of the Year, 1989. Whatever. I barely think about it. * Fear is just weakness hijacking your body's cockpit. *Listen, kid. The point is, there's no "I" in team. But there are two in winning. ==Dialogue== :'''Garrett''': ''(to Steve)'' [[wikt:vaya con Dios#Spanish|''Vaya con Dios'']]. It means "goodbye", brother. :'''Natalie''': No, it doesn't. :'''Garrett''': Don't look at her. It does. :'''Natalie''': No. It does not. :'''Garrett''': Yeah, it does. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Steve''': Crap! Chungus. :'''General Chungus''': I'm really sorry, but I have to unalive you and stuff. <Hr width=“50% “/> :'''Garrett''': They want me to fight the chicken? :'''Steve''': ''Chicken jockey!'' <Hr width=“50% “/> :''[A [[W:technoblade|pig wearing a crown]] walks by]'' :'''Henry''': Whoa, is he some kind of king? :'''Steve''': No, that's a ''legend''. <Hr width=“50% “/> :'''Malgosha''': You'll never be happy. Deep down you know. To hope, to dream, to create, is to suffer. :'''Steve''': You're right. It is harder to create than to destroy. That's why cowards tend to chose the deuce. == Cast == * [[Jack Black]] – Steve * [[Jason Momoa]] – Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison * {{w|Emma Myers}} – Natalie * {{w|Danielle Brooks}} – Dawn * Sebastian Hansen – Henry * [[Jennifer Coolidge]] – Vice Principal Marlene ===Voices=== * {{w|Rachel House}} – Malgosha * {{w|Jemaine Clement}} – Daryl and Bruce * [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]] – General Chungus * {{w|Matt Berry}} – Nitwit == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|id=3566834|title=A Minecraft Movie}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Minecraft Movie, A}} [[category:2025 films]] [[category:2020s American films]] [[category:Fantasy films]] [[category:Comedy films]] [[category:Adventure films]] [[Category:American children's fantasy films]] [[Category:American children's adventure films]] [[Category:American children's comedy films]] [[Category:Films about parallel universes]] [[Category:Films based on video games]] [[Category:American films with live action and animation]] [[Category:Warner Bros. Discovery]] 5rdnmirqctkh1uehxhl7khseh6s6yuz 3779081 3779080 2025-07-15T11:27:56Z Dronebogus 3078761 /* Dialogue */ 3779081 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''{{w|A Minecraft Movie}}''''' is a [[w:2025 in film|2025]] American [[w:Live-action animated|live-action animated]] [[w:Fantasy film|fantasy]] [[w:Adventure film|adventure]] [[w:Comedy film|comedy film]] about four misfits who are pulled through a portal into a cubic world that thrives on imagination, having no choice but to master the world while embarking on a quest with an expert crafter named Steve. :''Directed by [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]]. Written by Chris Bowman, {{w|Hubbel Palmer}}, Neil Widener, Gavin James and {{w|Chris Galletta}}.'' == Steve == * I… am Steve. * My name is Steve. And as a child, I yearned for the mines. But it didn't really work out. So, I did a terrible thing...I grew up. Yep, that's me. Same shirt, same pants. The only thing missing, was my soul. * Creativity in this world is key to survival. * First we mine, then we craft. Let's Minecraft! * Oh, these dudes? They're the villagers, they are just chill guys, they like to chill, trade and eat buttloads of bread. They love crushin' loaf. * Flint and steel! * Sneak attack! * Comin' in hot! * Relax, That is an iron golem, don't worry about them, they are friendly, up until you mess with them don't ever do that! *Kid, anything you can dream about here, you can make. Zero limits. You know what I'm talking about. *You ever wonder what happens when you mix hot lava and chicken? I did, and you're about to find out. * This is a crafting table. Here's how it works. You place these elements in different patterns, and kaboom! You got yourself a sweet blade! * ''[About the Nether]'' There was no joy, or creativity at all. Just a mindless lust for gold. * La-la-la-lava. Ch-ch-ch-chicken. Steve's Lava Chicken, yeah, it's tasty as hell. Oh, mamacita, now you're ringing the bell. Crispy and juicy, now you're having a snack. Oh, super spicy, it's a lava attack! ==Garrett== * Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison. Gamer of the Year, 1989. Whatever. I barely think about it. * Fear is just weakness hijacking your body's cockpit. *Listen, kid. The point is, there's no "I" in team. But there are two in winning. ==Dialogue== :'''Garrett''': ''(to Steve)'' [[wikt:vaya con Dios#Spanish|''Vaya con Dios'']]. It means "goodbye", brother. :'''Natalie''': No, it doesn't. :'''Garrett''': Don't look at her. It does. :'''Natalie''': No. It does not. :'''Garrett''': Yeah, it does. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Steve''': Crap! Chungus. :'''General Chungus''': I'm really sorry, but I have to unalive you and stuff. <Hr width=“50% “/> :'''Garrett''': They want me to fight the chicken? :'''Steve''': ''Chicken jockey!'' <Hr width=“50% “/> :''[A [[W:technoblade|pig wearing a crown]] walks by]'' :'''Henry''': Whoa, is he some kind of king? :'''Steve''': No, that's a ''legend''. <Hr width=“50% “/> :'''Malgosha''': You'll never be happy. Deep down you know. To hope, to dream, to create, is to suffer. :'''Steve''': You're right. It is harder to create than to destroy. That's why cowards tend to choose the deuce. <Hr width=“50% “/> :'''Garrett''': I have a small business too, but one thing I try to do is not have my jingles suck butt. == Cast == * [[Jack Black]] – Steve * [[Jason Momoa]] – Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison * {{w|Emma Myers}} – Natalie * {{w|Danielle Brooks}} – Dawn * Sebastian Hansen – Henry * [[Jennifer Coolidge]] – Vice Principal Marlene ===Voices=== * {{w|Rachel House}} – Malgosha * {{w|Jemaine Clement}} – Daryl and Bruce * [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]] – General Chungus * {{w|Matt Berry}} – Nitwit == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|id=3566834|title=A Minecraft Movie}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Minecraft Movie, A}} [[category:2025 films]] [[category:2020s American films]] [[category:Fantasy films]] [[category:Comedy films]] [[category:Adventure films]] [[Category:American children's fantasy films]] [[Category:American children's adventure films]] [[Category:American children's comedy films]] [[Category:Films about parallel universes]] [[Category:Films based on video games]] [[Category:American films with live action and animation]] [[Category:Warner Bros. Discovery]] 0qxlhrlf2tdnq6ktc6ed2w92xtu7es0 3779082 3779081 2025-07-15T11:28:09Z Dronebogus 3078761 /* Steve */ 3779082 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''{{w|A Minecraft Movie}}''''' is a [[w:2025 in film|2025]] American [[w:Live-action animated|live-action animated]] [[w:Fantasy film|fantasy]] [[w:Adventure film|adventure]] [[w:Comedy film|comedy film]] about four misfits who are pulled through a portal into a cubic world that thrives on imagination, having no choice but to master the world while embarking on a quest with an expert crafter named Steve. :''Directed by [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]]. Written by Chris Bowman, {{w|Hubbel Palmer}}, Neil Widener, Gavin James and {{w|Chris Galletta}}.'' == Steve == * I… am Steve. * My name is Steve. And as a child, I yearned for the mines. But it didn't really work out. So, I did a terrible thing...I grew up. Yep, that's me. Same shirt, same pants. The only thing missing, was my soul. * Creativity in this world is key to survival. * First we mine, then we craft. Let's Minecraft! * Oh, these dudes? They're the villagers, they are just chill guys, they like to chill, trade and eat buttloads of bread. They love crushin' loaf. * Flint and steel! * Sneak attack! * Comin' in hot! * Relax, That is an iron golem, don't worry about them, they are friendly, up until you mess with them don't ever do that! *Kid, anything you can dream about here, you can make. Zero limits. You know what I'm talking about. *You ever wonder what happens when you mix hot lava and chicken? I did, and you're about to find out. * This is a crafting table. Here's how it works. You place these elements in different patterns, and kaboom! You got yourself a sweet blade! * ''[About the Nether]'' There was no joy, or creativity at all. Just a mindless lust for gold. ==Garrett== * Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison. Gamer of the Year, 1989. Whatever. I barely think about it. * Fear is just weakness hijacking your body's cockpit. *Listen, kid. The point is, there's no "I" in team. But there are two in winning. ==Dialogue== :'''Garrett''': ''(to Steve)'' [[wikt:vaya con Dios#Spanish|''Vaya con Dios'']]. It means "goodbye", brother. :'''Natalie''': No, it doesn't. :'''Garrett''': Don't look at her. It does. :'''Natalie''': No. It does not. :'''Garrett''': Yeah, it does. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Steve''': Crap! Chungus. :'''General Chungus''': I'm really sorry, but I have to unalive you and stuff. <Hr width=“50% “/> :'''Garrett''': They want me to fight the chicken? :'''Steve''': ''Chicken jockey!'' <Hr width=“50% “/> :''[A [[W:technoblade|pig wearing a crown]] walks by]'' :'''Henry''': Whoa, is he some kind of king? :'''Steve''': No, that's a ''legend''. <Hr width=“50% “/> :'''Malgosha''': You'll never be happy. Deep down you know. To hope, to dream, to create, is to suffer. :'''Steve''': You're right. It is harder to create than to destroy. That's why cowards tend to choose the deuce. <Hr width=“50% “/> :'''Garrett''': I have a small business too, but one thing I try to do is not have my jingles suck butt. == Cast == * [[Jack Black]] – Steve * [[Jason Momoa]] – Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison * {{w|Emma Myers}} – Natalie * {{w|Danielle Brooks}} – Dawn * Sebastian Hansen – Henry * [[Jennifer Coolidge]] – Vice Principal Marlene ===Voices=== * {{w|Rachel House}} – Malgosha * {{w|Jemaine Clement}} – Daryl and Bruce * [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]] – General Chungus * {{w|Matt Berry}} – Nitwit == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|id=3566834|title=A Minecraft Movie}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Minecraft Movie, A}} [[category:2025 films]] [[category:2020s American films]] [[category:Fantasy films]] [[category:Comedy films]] [[category:Adventure films]] [[Category:American children's fantasy films]] [[Category:American children's adventure films]] [[Category:American children's comedy films]] [[Category:Films about parallel universes]] [[Category:Films based on video games]] [[Category:American films with live action and animation]] [[Category:Warner Bros. Discovery]] ia347ksbr3l2zdpkvx65ycx5tbdiajj 3779083 3779082 2025-07-15T11:28:25Z Dronebogus 3078761 /* Dialogue */ 3779083 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''{{w|A Minecraft Movie}}''''' is a [[w:2025 in film|2025]] American [[w:Live-action animated|live-action animated]] [[w:Fantasy film|fantasy]] [[w:Adventure film|adventure]] [[w:Comedy film|comedy film]] about four misfits who are pulled through a portal into a cubic world that thrives on imagination, having no choice but to master the world while embarking on a quest with an expert crafter named Steve. :''Directed by [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]]. Written by Chris Bowman, {{w|Hubbel Palmer}}, Neil Widener, Gavin James and {{w|Chris Galletta}}.'' == Steve == * I… am Steve. * My name is Steve. And as a child, I yearned for the mines. But it didn't really work out. So, I did a terrible thing...I grew up. Yep, that's me. Same shirt, same pants. The only thing missing, was my soul. * Creativity in this world is key to survival. * First we mine, then we craft. Let's Minecraft! * Oh, these dudes? They're the villagers, they are just chill guys, they like to chill, trade and eat buttloads of bread. They love crushin' loaf. * Flint and steel! * Sneak attack! * Comin' in hot! * Relax, That is an iron golem, don't worry about them, they are friendly, up until you mess with them don't ever do that! *Kid, anything you can dream about here, you can make. Zero limits. You know what I'm talking about. *You ever wonder what happens when you mix hot lava and chicken? I did, and you're about to find out. * This is a crafting table. Here's how it works. You place these elements in different patterns, and kaboom! You got yourself a sweet blade! * ''[About the Nether]'' There was no joy, or creativity at all. Just a mindless lust for gold. ==Garrett== * Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison. Gamer of the Year, 1989. Whatever. I barely think about it. * Fear is just weakness hijacking your body's cockpit. *Listen, kid. The point is, there's no "I" in team. But there are two in winning. ==Dialogue== :'''Garrett''': ''(to Steve)'' [[wikt:vaya con Dios#Spanish|''Vaya con Dios'']]. It means "goodbye", brother. :'''Natalie''': No, it doesn't. :'''Garrett''': Don't look at her. It does. :'''Natalie''': No. It does not. :'''Garrett''': Yeah, it does. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Steve''': Crap! Chungus. :'''General Chungus''': I'm really sorry, but I have to unalive you and stuff. <Hr width=“50% “/> :'''Garrett''': They want me to fight the chicken? :'''Steve''': ''Chicken jockey!'' <Hr width=“50% “/> :''[A [[W:technoblade|pig wearing a crown]] walks by]'' :'''Henry''': Whoa, is he some kind of king? :'''Steve''': No, that's a ''legend''. <Hr width=“50% “/> :'''Malgosha''': You'll never be happy. Deep down you know. To hope, to dream, to create, is to suffer. :'''Steve''': You're right. It is harder to create than to destroy. That's why cowards tend to choose the deuce. <Hr width=“50% “/> :'''Steve''': La-la-la-lava. Ch-ch-ch-chicken. Steve's Lava Chicken, yeah, it's tasty as hell. Oh, mamacita, now you're ringing the bell. Crispy and juicy, now you're having a snack. Oh, super spicy, it's a lava attack! :'''Garrett''': I have a small business too, but one thing I try to do is not have my jingles suck butt. == Cast == * [[Jack Black]] – Steve * [[Jason Momoa]] – Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison * {{w|Emma Myers}} – Natalie * {{w|Danielle Brooks}} – Dawn * Sebastian Hansen – Henry * [[Jennifer Coolidge]] – Vice Principal Marlene ===Voices=== * {{w|Rachel House}} – Malgosha * {{w|Jemaine Clement}} – Daryl and Bruce * [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]] – General Chungus * {{w|Matt Berry}} – Nitwit == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|id=3566834|title=A Minecraft Movie}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Minecraft Movie, A}} [[category:2025 films]] [[category:2020s American films]] [[category:Fantasy films]] [[category:Comedy films]] [[category:Adventure films]] [[Category:American children's fantasy films]] [[Category:American children's adventure films]] [[Category:American children's comedy films]] [[Category:Films about parallel universes]] [[Category:Films based on video games]] [[Category:American films with live action and animation]] [[Category:Warner Bros. Discovery]] jifowq7f4nziauk9r273iwn20z2pvpl 3779084 3779083 2025-07-15T11:30:29Z Dronebogus 3078761 /* Dialogue */ 3779084 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''{{w|A Minecraft Movie}}''''' is a [[w:2025 in film|2025]] American [[w:Live-action animated|live-action animated]] [[w:Fantasy film|fantasy]] [[w:Adventure film|adventure]] [[w:Comedy film|comedy film]] about four misfits who are pulled through a portal into a cubic world that thrives on imagination, having no choice but to master the world while embarking on a quest with an expert crafter named Steve. :''Directed by [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]]. Written by Chris Bowman, {{w|Hubbel Palmer}}, Neil Widener, Gavin James and {{w|Chris Galletta}}.'' == Steve == * I… am Steve. * My name is Steve. And as a child, I yearned for the mines. But it didn't really work out. So, I did a terrible thing...I grew up. Yep, that's me. Same shirt, same pants. The only thing missing, was my soul. * Creativity in this world is key to survival. * First we mine, then we craft. Let's Minecraft! * Oh, these dudes? They're the villagers, they are just chill guys, they like to chill, trade and eat buttloads of bread. They love crushin' loaf. * Flint and steel! * Sneak attack! * Comin' in hot! * Relax, That is an iron golem, don't worry about them, they are friendly, up until you mess with them don't ever do that! *Kid, anything you can dream about here, you can make. Zero limits. You know what I'm talking about. *You ever wonder what happens when you mix hot lava and chicken? I did, and you're about to find out. * This is a crafting table. Here's how it works. You place these elements in different patterns, and kaboom! You got yourself a sweet blade! * ''[About the Nether]'' There was no joy, or creativity at all. Just a mindless lust for gold. ==Garrett== * Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison. Gamer of the Year, 1989. Whatever. I barely think about it. * Fear is just weakness hijacking your body's cockpit. *Listen, kid. The point is, there's no "I" in team. But there are two in winning. ==Dialogue== :'''Garrett''': ''(to Steve)'' [[wikt:vaya con Dios#Spanish|''Vaya con Dios'']]. It means "goodbye", brother. :'''Natalie''': No, it doesn't. :'''Garrett''': Don't look at her. It does. :'''Natalie''': No. It does not. :'''Garrett''': Yeah, it does. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Steve''': Crap! Chungus. :'''General Chungus''': I'm really sorry, but I have to unalive you and stuff. <Hr width=“50% “/> :'''Garrett''': They want me to fight the chicken? :'''Steve''': ''Chicken jockey!'' <Hr width=“50% “/> :''[A [[W:technoblade|pig wearing a crown]] walks by]'' :'''Henry''': Whoa, is he some kind of king? :'''Steve''': No, that's a ''legend''. <Hr width=“50% “/> :'''Malgosha''': You'll never be happy. Deep down you know. To hope, to dream, to create, is to suffer. :'''Steve''': You're right. It is harder to create than to destroy. That's why cowards tend to choose the deuce. <Hr width=“50% “/> :'''Steve''': ''Uh-ohh!'' ''[Flips a switch, cooking a live chicken in lava]'' You hear that? That’s the sound of Sizza-LEENG! Smell that smell? La-la-la-lava. Ch-ch-ch-chicken. Steve's Lava Chicken, yeah, it's tasty as hell. Ooooh, mamacita, now you're ringing the bell. Crispy and juicy, now you're having a snack. Oh, super spicy, it's a lava attaaaack! :'''Garrett''': I have a small business too, but one thing I try to do is not have my jingles suck butt. == Cast == * [[Jack Black]] – Steve * [[Jason Momoa]] – Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison * {{w|Emma Myers}} – Natalie * {{w|Danielle Brooks}} – Dawn * Sebastian Hansen – Henry * [[Jennifer Coolidge]] – Vice Principal Marlene ===Voices=== * {{w|Rachel House}} – Malgosha * {{w|Jemaine Clement}} – Daryl and Bruce * [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]] – General Chungus * {{w|Matt Berry}} – Nitwit == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|id=3566834|title=A Minecraft Movie}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Minecraft Movie, A}} [[category:2025 films]] [[category:2020s American films]] [[category:Fantasy films]] [[category:Comedy films]] [[category:Adventure films]] [[Category:American children's fantasy films]] [[Category:American children's adventure films]] [[Category:American children's comedy films]] [[Category:Films about parallel universes]] [[Category:Films based on video games]] [[Category:American films with live action and animation]] [[Category:Warner Bros. Discovery]] 7txr0y1x5ry2o9taim911gfp9n4ryov 3779085 3779084 2025-07-15T11:30:44Z Dronebogus 3078761 /* Steve */ 3779085 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''{{w|A Minecraft Movie}}''''' is a [[w:2025 in film|2025]] American [[w:Live-action animated|live-action animated]] [[w:Fantasy film|fantasy]] [[w:Adventure film|adventure]] [[w:Comedy film|comedy film]] about four misfits who are pulled through a portal into a cubic world that thrives on imagination, having no choice but to master the world while embarking on a quest with an expert crafter named Steve. :''Directed by [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]]. Written by Chris Bowman, {{w|Hubbel Palmer}}, Neil Widener, Gavin James and {{w|Chris Galletta}}.'' == Steve == * I… am Steve. * My name is Steve. And as a child, I yearned for the mines. But it didn't really work out. So, I did a terrible thing...I grew up. Yep, that's me. Same shirt, same pants. The only thing missing, was my soul. * Creativity in this world is key to survival. * First we mine, then we craft. Let's Minecraft! * Oh, these dudes? They're the villagers, they are just chill guys, they like to chill, trade and eat buttloads of bread. They love crushin' loaf. * Flint and steel! * Sneak attack! * Comin' in hot! * Relax, That is an iron golem, don't worry about them, they are friendly, up until you mess with them don't ever do that! *Kid, anything you can dream about here, you can make. Zero limits. You know what I'm talking about. * This is a crafting table. Here's how it works. You place these elements in different patterns, and kaboom! You got yourself a sweet blade! * ''[About the Nether]'' There was no joy, or creativity at all. Just a mindless lust for gold. ==Garrett== * Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison. Gamer of the Year, 1989. Whatever. I barely think about it. * Fear is just weakness hijacking your body's cockpit. *Listen, kid. The point is, there's no "I" in team. But there are two in winning. ==Dialogue== :'''Garrett''': ''(to Steve)'' [[wikt:vaya con Dios#Spanish|''Vaya con Dios'']]. It means "goodbye", brother. :'''Natalie''': No, it doesn't. :'''Garrett''': Don't look at her. It does. :'''Natalie''': No. It does not. :'''Garrett''': Yeah, it does. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Steve''': Crap! Chungus. :'''General Chungus''': I'm really sorry, but I have to unalive you and stuff. <Hr width=“50% “/> :'''Garrett''': They want me to fight the chicken? :'''Steve''': ''Chicken jockey!'' <Hr width=“50% “/> :''[A [[W:technoblade|pig wearing a crown]] walks by]'' :'''Henry''': Whoa, is he some kind of king? :'''Steve''': No, that's a ''legend''. <Hr width=“50% “/> :'''Malgosha''': You'll never be happy. Deep down you know. To hope, to dream, to create, is to suffer. :'''Steve''': You're right. It is harder to create than to destroy. That's why cowards tend to choose the deuce. <Hr width=“50% “/> :'''Steve''': ''Uh-ohh!'' ''[Flips a switch, cooking a live chicken in lava]'' You hear that? That’s the sound of Sizza-LEENG! Smell that smell? La-la-la-lava. Ch-ch-ch-chicken. Steve's Lava Chicken, yeah, it's tasty as hell. Ooooh, mamacita, now you're ringing the bell. Crispy and juicy, now you're having a snack. Oh, super spicy, it's a lava attaaaack! :'''Garrett''': I have a small business too, but one thing I try to do is not have my jingles suck butt. == Cast == * [[Jack Black]] – Steve * [[Jason Momoa]] – Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison * {{w|Emma Myers}} – Natalie * {{w|Danielle Brooks}} – Dawn * Sebastian Hansen – Henry * [[Jennifer Coolidge]] – Vice Principal Marlene ===Voices=== * {{w|Rachel House}} – Malgosha * {{w|Jemaine Clement}} – Daryl and Bruce * [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]] – General Chungus * {{w|Matt Berry}} – Nitwit == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|id=3566834|title=A Minecraft Movie}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Minecraft Movie, A}} [[category:2025 films]] [[category:2020s American films]] [[category:Fantasy films]] [[category:Comedy films]] [[category:Adventure films]] [[Category:American children's fantasy films]] [[Category:American children's adventure films]] [[Category:American children's comedy films]] [[Category:Films about parallel universes]] [[Category:Films based on video games]] [[Category:American films with live action and animation]] [[Category:Warner Bros. Discovery]] 48u5q3432lidmiv4npvxjc83zzf05p4 3779086 3779085 2025-07-15T11:31:33Z Dronebogus 3078761 /* Dialogue */ 3779086 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''{{w|A Minecraft Movie}}''''' is a [[w:2025 in film|2025]] American [[w:Live-action animated|live-action animated]] [[w:Fantasy film|fantasy]] [[w:Adventure film|adventure]] [[w:Comedy film|comedy film]] about four misfits who are pulled through a portal into a cubic world that thrives on imagination, having no choice but to master the world while embarking on a quest with an expert crafter named Steve. :''Directed by [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]]. Written by Chris Bowman, {{w|Hubbel Palmer}}, Neil Widener, Gavin James and {{w|Chris Galletta}}.'' == Steve == * I… am Steve. * My name is Steve. And as a child, I yearned for the mines. But it didn't really work out. So, I did a terrible thing...I grew up. Yep, that's me. Same shirt, same pants. The only thing missing, was my soul. * Creativity in this world is key to survival. * First we mine, then we craft. Let's Minecraft! * Oh, these dudes? They're the villagers, they are just chill guys, they like to chill, trade and eat buttloads of bread. They love crushin' loaf. * Flint and steel! * Sneak attack! * Comin' in hot! * Relax, That is an iron golem, don't worry about them, they are friendly, up until you mess with them don't ever do that! *Kid, anything you can dream about here, you can make. Zero limits. You know what I'm talking about. * This is a crafting table. Here's how it works. You place these elements in different patterns, and kaboom! You got yourself a sweet blade! * ''[About the Nether]'' There was no joy, or creativity at all. Just a mindless lust for gold. ==Garrett== * Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison. Gamer of the Year, 1989. Whatever. I barely think about it. * Fear is just weakness hijacking your body's cockpit. *Listen, kid. The point is, there's no "I" in team. But there are two in winning. ==Dialogue== :'''Garrett''': ''(to Steve)'' [[wikt:vaya con Dios#Spanish|''Vaya con Dios'']]. It means "goodbye", brother. :'''Natalie''': No, it doesn't. :'''Garrett''': Don't look at her. It does. :'''Natalie''': No. It does not. :'''Garrett''': Yeah, it does. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Steve''': Crap! Chungus. :'''General Chungus''': I'm really sorry, but I have to unalive you and stuff. <Hr width=“50% “/> :'''Garrett''': They want me to fight the chicken? :'''Steve''': ''Chicken jockey!'' <Hr width=“50% “/> :''[A [[W:technoblade|pig wearing a crown]] walks by]'' :'''Henry''': Whoa, is he some kind of king? :'''Steve''': No, that's a ''legend''. <Hr width=“50% “/> :'''Malgosha''': You'll never be happy. Deep down you know. To hope, to dream, to create, is to suffer. :'''Steve''': You're right. It is harder to create than to destroy. That's why cowards tend to choose the deuce. <Hr width=“50% “/> :'''Steve''': You ever wonder what happens when you mix hot lava and chicken? I did, and you're about to find out. :'''Garrett''': Pssh. :'''Steve''': ''Uh-ohh!'' ''[Flips a switch, cooking a live chicken in lava]'' You hear that? That’s the sound of Sizza-LEENG! Smell that smell? La-la-la-lava. Ch-ch-ch-chicken. Steve's Lava Chicken, yeah, it's tasty as hell. Ooooh, mamacita, now you're ringing the bell. Crispy and juicy, now you're having a snack. Oh, super spicy, it's a lava attaaaack! :'''Garrett''': I have a small business too, but one thing I try to do is not have my jingles suck butt. == Cast == * [[Jack Black]] – Steve * [[Jason Momoa]] – Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison * {{w|Emma Myers}} – Natalie * {{w|Danielle Brooks}} – Dawn * Sebastian Hansen – Henry * [[Jennifer Coolidge]] – Vice Principal Marlene ===Voices=== * {{w|Rachel House}} – Malgosha * {{w|Jemaine Clement}} – Daryl and Bruce * [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]] – General Chungus * {{w|Matt Berry}} – Nitwit == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|id=3566834|title=A Minecraft Movie}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Minecraft Movie, A}} [[category:2025 films]] [[category:2020s American films]] [[category:Fantasy films]] [[category:Comedy films]] [[category:Adventure films]] [[Category:American children's fantasy films]] [[Category:American children's adventure films]] [[Category:American children's comedy films]] [[Category:Films about parallel universes]] [[Category:Films based on video games]] [[Category:American films with live action and animation]] [[Category:Warner Bros. Discovery]] 8qin1o577w47plhsr96oeq6wpih4gaq 3779088 3779086 2025-07-15T11:33:10Z Dronebogus 3078761 /* Dialogue */ 3779088 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''{{w|A Minecraft Movie}}''''' is a [[w:2025 in film|2025]] American [[w:Live-action animated|live-action animated]] [[w:Fantasy film|fantasy]] [[w:Adventure film|adventure]] [[w:Comedy film|comedy film]] about four misfits who are pulled through a portal into a cubic world that thrives on imagination, having no choice but to master the world while embarking on a quest with an expert crafter named Steve. :''Directed by [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]]. Written by Chris Bowman, {{w|Hubbel Palmer}}, Neil Widener, Gavin James and {{w|Chris Galletta}}.'' == Steve == * I… am Steve. * My name is Steve. And as a child, I yearned for the mines. But it didn't really work out. So, I did a terrible thing...I grew up. Yep, that's me. Same shirt, same pants. The only thing missing, was my soul. * Creativity in this world is key to survival. * First we mine, then we craft. Let's Minecraft! * Oh, these dudes? They're the villagers, they are just chill guys, they like to chill, trade and eat buttloads of bread. They love crushin' loaf. * Flint and steel! * Sneak attack! * Comin' in hot! * Relax, That is an iron golem, don't worry about them, they are friendly, up until you mess with them don't ever do that! *Kid, anything you can dream about here, you can make. Zero limits. You know what I'm talking about. * This is a crafting table. Here's how it works. You place these elements in different patterns, and kaboom! You got yourself a sweet blade! * ''[About the Nether]'' There was no joy, or creativity at all. Just a mindless lust for gold. ==Garrett== * Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison. Gamer of the Year, 1989. Whatever. I barely think about it. * Fear is just weakness hijacking your body's cockpit. *Listen, kid. The point is, there's no "I" in team. But there are two in winning. ==Dialogue== :'''Garrett''': ''(to Steve)'' [[wikt:vaya con Dios#Spanish|''Vaya con Dios'']]. It means "goodbye", brother. :'''Natalie''': No, it doesn't. :'''Garrett''': Don't look at her. It does. :'''Natalie''': No. It does not. :'''Garrett''': Yeah, it does. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Steve''': Crap! Chungus. :'''General Chungus''': I'm really sorry, but I have to unalive you and stuff. <Hr width=“50% “/> :'''Garrett''': They want me to fight the chicken? :'''Steve''': ''Chicken jockey!'' <Hr width=“50% “/> :''[A [[W:technoblade|pig wearing a crown]] walks by]'' :'''Henry''': Whoa, is he some kind of king? :'''Steve''': No, that's a ''legend''. <Hr width=“50% “/> :'''Malgosha''': You'll never be happy. Deep down you know. To hope, to dream, to create, is to suffer. :'''Steve''': You're right. It is harder to create than to destroy. That's why cowards tend to choose the deuce. <Hr width=“50% “/> :'''Steve''': You ever wonder what happens when you mix hot lava and chicken? I did, and you're about to find out. :'''Garrett''': Pssh. :'''Steve''': ''Uh-ohh!'' ''[Flips a switch, cooking a live chicken in lava]'' You hear that? That’s the sound of Sizza-LEENG! Smell that smell? ''[Singing]'' La-la-la-lava. Ch-ch-ch-chicken. Steve's Lava Chicken, yeah, it's tasty as hell. Ooooh, mamacita, now you're ringing the bell. Crispy and juicy, now you're having a snack. Oh, super spicy, it's a lava attaaaack! :'''Garrett''': I have a small business too, but one thing I try to do is not have my jingles suck butt. == Cast == * [[Jack Black]] – Steve * [[Jason Momoa]] – Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison * {{w|Emma Myers}} – Natalie * {{w|Danielle Brooks}} – Dawn * Sebastian Hansen – Henry * [[Jennifer Coolidge]] – Vice Principal Marlene ===Voices=== * {{w|Rachel House}} – Malgosha * {{w|Jemaine Clement}} – Daryl and Bruce * [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]] – General Chungus * {{w|Matt Berry}} – Nitwit == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|id=3566834|title=A Minecraft Movie}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Minecraft Movie, A}} [[category:2025 films]] [[category:2020s American films]] [[category:Fantasy films]] [[category:Comedy films]] [[category:Adventure films]] [[Category:American children's fantasy films]] [[Category:American children's adventure films]] [[Category:American children's comedy films]] [[Category:Films about parallel universes]] [[Category:Films based on video games]] [[Category:American films with live action and animation]] [[Category:Warner Bros. Discovery]] 74441unudbygbzj285mxeaqojt3qgxz 3779090 3779088 2025-07-15T11:33:31Z Dronebogus 3078761 /* Dialogue */ 3779090 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''{{w|A Minecraft Movie}}''''' is a [[w:2025 in film|2025]] American [[w:Live-action animated|live-action animated]] [[w:Fantasy film|fantasy]] [[w:Adventure film|adventure]] [[w:Comedy film|comedy film]] about four misfits who are pulled through a portal into a cubic world that thrives on imagination, having no choice but to master the world while embarking on a quest with an expert crafter named Steve. :''Directed by [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]]. Written by Chris Bowman, {{w|Hubbel Palmer}}, Neil Widener, Gavin James and {{w|Chris Galletta}}.'' == Steve == * I… am Steve. * My name is Steve. And as a child, I yearned for the mines. But it didn't really work out. So, I did a terrible thing...I grew up. Yep, that's me. Same shirt, same pants. The only thing missing, was my soul. * Creativity in this world is key to survival. * First we mine, then we craft. Let's Minecraft! * Oh, these dudes? They're the villagers, they are just chill guys, they like to chill, trade and eat buttloads of bread. They love crushin' loaf. * Flint and steel! * Sneak attack! * Comin' in hot! * Relax, That is an iron golem, don't worry about them, they are friendly, up until you mess with them don't ever do that! *Kid, anything you can dream about here, you can make. Zero limits. You know what I'm talking about. * This is a crafting table. Here's how it works. You place these elements in different patterns, and kaboom! You got yourself a sweet blade! * ''[About the Nether]'' There was no joy, or creativity at all. Just a mindless lust for gold. ==Garrett== * Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison. Gamer of the Year, 1989. Whatever. I barely think about it. * Fear is just weakness hijacking your body's cockpit. *Listen, kid. The point is, there's no "I" in team. But there are two in winning. ==Dialogue== :'''Garrett''': ''(to Steve)'' [[wikt:vaya con Dios#Spanish|''Vaya con Dios'']]. It means "goodbye", brother. :'''Natalie''': No, it doesn't. :'''Garrett''': Don't look at her. It does. :'''Natalie''': No. It does not. :'''Garrett''': Yeah, it does. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Steve''': Crap! Chungus. :'''General Chungus''': I'm really sorry, but I have to unalive you and stuff. <Hr width=“50% “/> :'''Garrett''': They want me to fight the chicken? :'''Steve''': ''Chicken jockey!'' <Hr width=“50% “/> :''[A [[W:technoblade|pig wearing a crown]] walks by]'' :'''Henry''': Whoa, is he some kind of king? :'''Steve''': No, that's a ''legend''. <Hr width=“50% “/> :'''Malgosha''': You'll never be happy. Deep down you know. To hope, to dream, to create, is to suffer. :'''Steve''': You're right. It is harder to create than to destroy. That's why cowards tend to choose the deuce. <Hr width=“50% “/> :'''Steve''': You ever wonder what happens when you mix hot lava and chicken? I did, and you're about to find out. :'''Garrett''': Pssh. :'''Steve''': ''Uh-ohh!'' ''[Flips a switch, cooking a live chicken in lava]'' You hear that? That’s the sound of Sizza-LEENG! Smell that smell? ''[Singing]'' La-la-la-lava. Ch-ch-ch-chicken. Steve's Lava Chicken, yeah, it's tasty as hell. Ooooh, mamacita, now you're ringing the bell. Crispy and juicy, now you're having a snack. Ooooh, super spicy, it's a lava attaaaack! :'''Garrett''': I have a small business too, but one thing I try to do is not have my jingles suck butt. == Cast == * [[Jack Black]] – Steve * [[Jason Momoa]] – Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison * {{w|Emma Myers}} – Natalie * {{w|Danielle Brooks}} – Dawn * Sebastian Hansen – Henry * [[Jennifer Coolidge]] – Vice Principal Marlene ===Voices=== * {{w|Rachel House}} – Malgosha * {{w|Jemaine Clement}} – Daryl and Bruce * [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]] – General Chungus * {{w|Matt Berry}} – Nitwit == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|id=3566834|title=A Minecraft Movie}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Minecraft Movie, A}} [[category:2025 films]] [[category:2020s American films]] [[category:Fantasy films]] [[category:Comedy films]] [[category:Adventure films]] [[Category:American children's fantasy films]] [[Category:American children's adventure films]] [[Category:American children's comedy films]] [[Category:Films about parallel universes]] [[Category:Films based on video games]] [[Category:American films with live action and animation]] [[Category:Warner Bros. Discovery]] d1uvj9xdv6u93z713vhj5xgrr0lwn03 3779091 3779090 2025-07-15T11:34:13Z Dronebogus 3078761 /* Garrett */ 3779091 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''{{w|A Minecraft Movie}}''''' is a [[w:2025 in film|2025]] American [[w:Live-action animated|live-action animated]] [[w:Fantasy film|fantasy]] [[w:Adventure film|adventure]] [[w:Comedy film|comedy film]] about four misfits who are pulled through a portal into a cubic world that thrives on imagination, having no choice but to master the world while embarking on a quest with an expert crafter named Steve. :''Directed by [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]]. Written by Chris Bowman, {{w|Hubbel Palmer}}, Neil Widener, Gavin James and {{w|Chris Galletta}}.'' == Steve == * I… am Steve. * My name is Steve. And as a child, I yearned for the mines. But it didn't really work out. So, I did a terrible thing...I grew up. Yep, that's me. Same shirt, same pants. The only thing missing, was my soul. * Creativity in this world is key to survival. * First we mine, then we craft. Let's Minecraft! * Oh, these dudes? They're the villagers, they are just chill guys, they like to chill, trade and eat buttloads of bread. They love crushin' loaf. * Flint and steel! * Sneak attack! * Comin' in hot! * Relax, That is an iron golem, don't worry about them, they are friendly, up until you mess with them don't ever do that! *Kid, anything you can dream about here, you can make. Zero limits. You know what I'm talking about. * This is a crafting table. Here's how it works. You place these elements in different patterns, and kaboom! You got yourself a sweet blade! * ''[About the Nether]'' There was no joy, or creativity at all. Just a mindless lust for gold. ==Garrett== * Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison. Gamer of the Year, 1989. Whatever. I barely think about it. * Fear is just weakness hijacking your body's cockpit. *Listen, kid. The point is, there's no "I" in team. But there are two in winning. *Tell my story in song. Keep it metal. Keep it heavy. Real instruments. ==Dialogue== :'''Garrett''': ''(to Steve)'' [[wikt:vaya con Dios#Spanish|''Vaya con Dios'']]. It means "goodbye", brother. :'''Natalie''': No, it doesn't. :'''Garrett''': Don't look at her. It does. :'''Natalie''': No. It does not. :'''Garrett''': Yeah, it does. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Steve''': Crap! Chungus. :'''General Chungus''': I'm really sorry, but I have to unalive you and stuff. <Hr width=“50% “/> :'''Garrett''': They want me to fight the chicken? :'''Steve''': ''Chicken jockey!'' <Hr width=“50% “/> :''[A [[W:technoblade|pig wearing a crown]] walks by]'' :'''Henry''': Whoa, is he some kind of king? :'''Steve''': No, that's a ''legend''. <Hr width=“50% “/> :'''Malgosha''': You'll never be happy. Deep down you know. To hope, to dream, to create, is to suffer. :'''Steve''': You're right. It is harder to create than to destroy. That's why cowards tend to choose the deuce. <Hr width=“50% “/> :'''Steve''': You ever wonder what happens when you mix hot lava and chicken? I did, and you're about to find out. :'''Garrett''': Pssh. :'''Steve''': ''Uh-ohh!'' ''[Flips a switch, cooking a live chicken in lava]'' You hear that? That’s the sound of Sizza-LEENG! Smell that smell? ''[Singing]'' La-la-la-lava. Ch-ch-ch-chicken. Steve's Lava Chicken, yeah, it's tasty as hell. Ooooh, mamacita, now you're ringing the bell. Crispy and juicy, now you're having a snack. Ooooh, super spicy, it's a lava attaaaack! :'''Garrett''': I have a small business too, but one thing I try to do is not have my jingles suck butt. == Cast == * [[Jack Black]] – Steve * [[Jason Momoa]] – Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison * {{w|Emma Myers}} – Natalie * {{w|Danielle Brooks}} – Dawn * Sebastian Hansen – Henry * [[Jennifer Coolidge]] – Vice Principal Marlene ===Voices=== * {{w|Rachel House}} – Malgosha * {{w|Jemaine Clement}} – Daryl and Bruce * [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]] – General Chungus * {{w|Matt Berry}} – Nitwit == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|id=3566834|title=A Minecraft Movie}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Minecraft Movie, A}} [[category:2025 films]] [[category:2020s American films]] [[category:Fantasy films]] [[category:Comedy films]] [[category:Adventure films]] [[Category:American children's fantasy films]] [[Category:American children's adventure films]] [[Category:American children's comedy films]] [[Category:Films about parallel universes]] [[Category:Films based on video games]] [[Category:American films with live action and animation]] [[Category:Warner Bros. Discovery]] n1nl8d9usuj2nqi2bzj1pldahx1vp9d 3779096 3779091 2025-07-15T11:36:07Z Dronebogus 3078761 /* Garrett */ 3779096 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''{{w|A Minecraft Movie}}''''' is a [[w:2025 in film|2025]] American [[w:Live-action animated|live-action animated]] [[w:Fantasy film|fantasy]] [[w:Adventure film|adventure]] [[w:Comedy film|comedy film]] about four misfits who are pulled through a portal into a cubic world that thrives on imagination, having no choice but to master the world while embarking on a quest with an expert crafter named Steve. :''Directed by [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]]. Written by Chris Bowman, {{w|Hubbel Palmer}}, Neil Widener, Gavin James and {{w|Chris Galletta}}.'' == Steve == * I… am Steve. * My name is Steve. And as a child, I yearned for the mines. But it didn't really work out. So, I did a terrible thing...I grew up. Yep, that's me. Same shirt, same pants. The only thing missing, was my soul. * Creativity in this world is key to survival. * First we mine, then we craft. Let's Minecraft! * Oh, these dudes? They're the villagers, they are just chill guys, they like to chill, trade and eat buttloads of bread. They love crushin' loaf. * Flint and steel! * Sneak attack! * Comin' in hot! * Relax, That is an iron golem, don't worry about them, they are friendly, up until you mess with them don't ever do that! *Kid, anything you can dream about here, you can make. Zero limits. You know what I'm talking about. * This is a crafting table. Here's how it works. You place these elements in different patterns, and kaboom! You got yourself a sweet blade! * ''[About the Nether]'' There was no joy, or creativity at all. Just a mindless lust for gold. ==Garrett== * Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison. Gamer of the Year, 1989. Whatever. I barely think about it. * Fear is just weakness hijacking your body's cockpit. *Listen, kid. The point is, there's no "I" in team. But there are two in winning. *Tell my story in song. Keep it metal. Keep it heavy. Real instruments. ==Others== :'''Alex''': Hey, do you wanna come in? I'm Alex, by the way. ==Dialogue== :'''Garrett''': ''(to Steve)'' [[wikt:vaya con Dios#Spanish|''Vaya con Dios'']]. It means "goodbye", brother. :'''Natalie''': No, it doesn't. :'''Garrett''': Don't look at her. It does. :'''Natalie''': No. It does not. :'''Garrett''': Yeah, it does. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Steve''': Crap! Chungus. :'''General Chungus''': I'm really sorry, but I have to unalive you and stuff. <Hr width=“50% “/> :'''Garrett''': They want me to fight the chicken? :'''Steve''': ''Chicken jockey!'' <Hr width=“50% “/> :''[A [[W:technoblade|pig wearing a crown]] walks by]'' :'''Henry''': Whoa, is he some kind of king? :'''Steve''': No, that's a ''legend''. <Hr width=“50% “/> :'''Malgosha''': You'll never be happy. Deep down you know. To hope, to dream, to create, is to suffer. :'''Steve''': You're right. It is harder to create than to destroy. That's why cowards tend to choose the deuce. <Hr width=“50% “/> :'''Steve''': You ever wonder what happens when you mix hot lava and chicken? I did, and you're about to find out. :'''Garrett''': Pssh. :'''Steve''': ''Uh-ohh!'' ''[Flips a switch, cooking a live chicken in lava]'' You hear that? That’s the sound of Sizza-LEENG! Smell that smell? ''[Singing]'' La-la-la-lava. Ch-ch-ch-chicken. Steve's Lava Chicken, yeah, it's tasty as hell. Ooooh, mamacita, now you're ringing the bell. Crispy and juicy, now you're having a snack. Ooooh, super spicy, it's a lava attaaaack! :'''Garrett''': I have a small business too, but one thing I try to do is not have my jingles suck butt. == Cast == * [[Jack Black]] – Steve * [[Jason Momoa]] – Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison * {{w|Emma Myers}} – Natalie * {{w|Danielle Brooks}} – Dawn * Sebastian Hansen – Henry * [[Jennifer Coolidge]] – Vice Principal Marlene ===Voices=== * {{w|Rachel House}} – Malgosha * {{w|Jemaine Clement}} – Daryl and Bruce * [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]] – General Chungus * {{w|Matt Berry}} – Nitwit == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|id=3566834|title=A Minecraft Movie}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Minecraft Movie, A}} [[category:2025 films]] [[category:2020s American films]] [[category:Fantasy films]] [[category:Comedy films]] [[category:Adventure films]] [[Category:American children's fantasy films]] [[Category:American children's adventure films]] [[Category:American children's comedy films]] [[Category:Films about parallel universes]] [[Category:Films based on video games]] [[Category:American films with live action and animation]] [[Category:Warner Bros. Discovery]] gn7y313k71xt4xz05gkpqmxoxotntjk 3779102 3779096 2025-07-15T11:39:17Z Dronebogus 3078761 3779102 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} [[File:Minecraft cube.svg|thumb|First we mine, then we craft. Let's Minecraft!]] '''''{{w|A Minecraft Movie}}''''' is a [[w:2025 in film|2025]] American [[w:Live-action animated|live-action animated]] [[w:Fantasy film|fantasy]] [[w:Adventure film|adventure]] [[w:Comedy film|comedy film]] about four misfits who are pulled through a portal into a cubic world that thrives on imagination, having no choice but to master the world while embarking on a quest with an expert crafter named Steve. :''Directed by [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]]. Written by Chris Bowman, {{w|Hubbel Palmer}}, Neil Widener, Gavin James and {{w|Chris Galletta}}.'' == Steve == * I… am Steve. * My name is Steve. And as a child, I yearned for the mines. But it didn't really work out. So, I did a terrible thing...I grew up. Yep, that's me. Same shirt, same pants. The only thing missing was my soul. * Creativity in this world is key to survival. * First we mine, then we craft. Let's Minecraft! * Oh, these dudes? They're the villagers, they are just chill guys, they like to chill, trade and eat buttloads of bread. They love crushin' loaf. * Flint and steel! * Sneak attack! * Comin' in hot! * Relax, That is an iron golem, don't worry about them, they are friendly, up until you mess with them don't ever do that! *Kid, anything you can dream about here, you can make. Zero limits. You know what I'm talking about. * This is a crafting table. Here's how it works. You place these elements in different patterns, and kaboom! You got yourself a sweet blade! * ''[About the Nether]'' There was no joy, or creativity at all. Just a mindless lust for gold. ==Garrett== * Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison. Gamer of the Year, 1989. Whatever. I barely think about it. * Fear is just weakness hijacking your body's cockpit. *Listen, kid. The point is, there's no "I" in team. But there are two in winning. *Tell my story in song. Keep it metal. Keep it heavy. Real instruments. ==Others== :'''Alex''': Hey, do you wanna come in? I'm Alex, by the way. ==Dialogue== :'''Garrett''': ''(to Steve)'' [[wikt:vaya con Dios#Spanish|''Vaya con Dios'']]. It means "goodbye", brother. :'''Natalie''': No, it doesn't. :'''Garrett''': Don't look at her. It does. :'''Natalie''': No. It does not. :'''Garrett''': Yeah, it does. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Steve''': Crap! Chungus. :'''General Chungus''': I'm really sorry, but I have to unalive you and stuff. <Hr width=“50% “/> :'''Garrett''': They want me to fight the chicken? :'''Steve''': ''Chicken jockey!'' <Hr width=“50% “/> :''[A [[W:technoblade|pig wearing a crown]] walks by]'' :'''Henry''': Whoa, is he some kind of king? :'''Steve''': No, that's a ''legend''. <Hr width=“50% “/> :'''Malgosha''': You'll never be happy. Deep down you know. To hope, to dream, to create, is to suffer. :'''Steve''': You're right. It is harder to create than to destroy. That's why cowards tend to choose the deuce. <Hr width=“50% “/> :'''Steve''': You ever wonder what happens when you mix hot lava and chicken? I did, and you're about to find out. :'''Garrett''': Pssh. :'''Steve''': ''Uh-ohh!'' ''[Flips a switch, cooking a live chicken in lava]'' You hear that? That’s the sound of Sizza-LEENG! Smell that smell? ''[Singing]'' La-la-la-lava. Ch-ch-ch-chicken. Steve's Lava Chicken, yeah, it's tasty as hell. Ooooh, mamacita, now you're ringing the bell. Crispy and juicy, now you're having a snack. Ooooh, super spicy, it's a lava attaaaack! :'''Garrett''': I have a small business too, but one thing I try to do is not have my jingles suck butt. == Cast == * [[Jack Black]] – Steve * [[Jason Momoa]] – Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison * {{w|Emma Myers}} – Natalie * {{w|Danielle Brooks}} – Dawn * Sebastian Hansen – Henry * [[Jennifer Coolidge]] – Vice Principal Marlene ===Voices=== * {{w|Rachel House}} – Malgosha * {{w|Jemaine Clement}} – Daryl and Bruce * [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]] – General Chungus * {{w|Matt Berry}} – Nitwit == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|id=3566834|title=A Minecraft Movie}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Minecraft Movie, A}} [[category:2025 films]] [[category:2020s American films]] [[category:Fantasy films]] [[category:Comedy films]] [[category:Adventure films]] [[Category:American children's fantasy films]] [[Category:American children's adventure films]] [[Category:American children's comedy films]] [[Category:Films about parallel universes]] [[Category:Films based on video games]] [[Category:American films with live action and animation]] [[Category:Warner Bros. Discovery]] 4lsqhm7emdk64aamuvq91ggjd85ghti 3779106 3779102 2025-07-15T11:42:54Z Dronebogus 3078761 3779106 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} [[File:Minecraft cube.svg|thumb|First we mine, then we craft. Let's Minecraft!]] [[File:TenaciousDO2160623 (38 of 62) Jack Black.jpg|thumb|I… am Steve.]] '''''{{w|A Minecraft Movie}}''''' is a [[w:2025 in film|2025]] American [[w:Live-action animated|live-action animated]] [[w:Fantasy film|fantasy]] [[w:Adventure film|adventure]] [[w:Comedy film|comedy film]] about four misfits who are pulled through a portal into a cubic world that thrives on imagination, having no choice but to master the world while embarking on a quest with an expert crafter named Steve. :''Directed by [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]]. Written by Chris Bowman, {{w|Hubbel Palmer}}, Neil Widener, Gavin James and {{w|Chris Galletta}}.'' == Steve == * I… am Steve. * My name is Steve. And as a child, I yearned for the mines. But it didn't really work out. So, I did a terrible thing...I grew up. Yep, that's me. Same shirt, same pants. The only thing missing was my soul. * Creativity in this world is key to survival. * First we mine, then we craft. Let's Minecraft! * Oh, these dudes? They're the villagers, they are just chill guys, they like to chill, trade and eat buttloads of bread. They love crushin' loaf. * Flint and steel! * Sneak attack! * Comin' in hot! * Relax, That is an iron golem, don't worry about them, they are friendly, up until you mess with them don't ever do that! *Kid, anything you can dream about here, you can make. Zero limits. You know what I'm talking about. * This is a crafting table. Here's how it works. You place these elements in different patterns, and kaboom! You got yourself a sweet blade! * ''[About the Nether]'' There was no joy, or creativity at all. Just a mindless lust for gold. ==Garrett== * Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison. Gamer of the Year, 1989. Whatever. I barely think about it. * Fear is just weakness hijacking your body's cockpit. *Listen, kid. The point is, there's no "I" in team. But there are two in winning. *Tell my story in song. Keep it metal. Keep it heavy. Real instruments. ==Others== :'''Alex''': Hey, do you wanna come in? I'm Alex, by the way. ==Dialogue== :'''Garrett''': ''(to Steve)'' [[wikt:vaya con Dios#Spanish|''Vaya con Dios'']]. It means "goodbye", brother. :'''Natalie''': No, it doesn't. :'''Garrett''': Don't look at her. It does. :'''Natalie''': No. It does not. :'''Garrett''': Yeah, it does. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Steve''': Crap! Chungus. :'''General Chungus''': I'm really sorry, but I have to unalive you and stuff. <Hr width=“50% “/> :'''Garrett''': They want me to fight the chicken? :'''Steve''': ''Chicken jockey!'' <Hr width=“50% “/> :''[A [[W:technoblade|pig wearing a crown]] walks by]'' :'''Henry''': Whoa, is he some kind of king? :'''Steve''': No, that's a ''legend''. <Hr width=“50% “/> :'''Malgosha''': You'll never be happy. Deep down you know. To hope, to dream, to create, is to suffer. :'''Steve''': You're right. It is harder to create than to destroy. That's why cowards tend to choose the deuce. <Hr width=“50% “/> :'''Steve''': You ever wonder what happens when you mix hot lava and chicken? I did, and you're about to find out. :'''Garrett''': Pssh. :'''Steve''': ''Uh-ohh!'' ''[Flips a switch, cooking a live chicken in lava]'' You hear that? That’s the sound of Sizza-LEENG! Smell that smell? ''[Singing]'' La-la-la-lava. Ch-ch-ch-chicken. Steve's Lava Chicken, yeah, it's tasty as hell. Ooooh, mamacita, now you're ringing the bell. Crispy and juicy, now you're having a snack. Ooooh, super spicy, it's a lava attaaaack! :'''Garrett''': I have a small business too, but one thing I try to do is not have my jingles suck butt. == Cast == * [[Jack Black]] – Steve * [[Jason Momoa]] – Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison * {{w|Emma Myers}} – Natalie * {{w|Danielle Brooks}} – Dawn * Sebastian Hansen – Henry * [[Jennifer Coolidge]] – Vice Principal Marlene ===Voices=== * {{w|Rachel House}} – Malgosha * {{w|Jemaine Clement}} – Daryl and Bruce * [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]] – General Chungus * {{w|Matt Berry}} – Nitwit == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|id=3566834|title=A Minecraft Movie}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Minecraft Movie, A}} [[category:2025 films]] [[category:2020s American films]] [[category:Fantasy films]] [[category:Comedy films]] [[category:Adventure films]] [[Category:American children's fantasy films]] [[Category:American children's adventure films]] [[Category:American children's comedy films]] [[Category:Films about parallel universes]] [[Category:Films based on video games]] [[Category:American films with live action and animation]] [[Category:Warner Bros. Discovery]] kkrl91dw5znpx70fcslz1zhlfbqes41 3779109 3779106 2025-07-15T11:44:13Z Dronebogus 3078761 3779109 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} [[File:Minecraft cube.svg|thumb|First we mine, then we craft. Let's Minecraft!]] [[File:TenaciousDO2160623 (38 of 62) Jack Black.jpg|thumb|I… am Steve.]] [[File:Technoblade sig.svg|thumb|That’s a ''legend''.]] '''''{{w|A Minecraft Movie}}''''' is a [[w:2025 in film|2025]] American [[w:Live-action animated|live-action animated]] [[w:Fantasy film|fantasy]] [[w:Adventure film|adventure]] [[w:Comedy film|comedy film]] about four misfits who are pulled through a portal into a cubic world that thrives on imagination, having no choice but to master the world while embarking on a quest with an expert crafter named Steve. :''Directed by [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]]. Written by Chris Bowman, {{w|Hubbel Palmer}}, Neil Widener, Gavin James and {{w|Chris Galletta}}.'' == Steve == * I… am Steve. * My name is Steve. And as a child, I yearned for the mines. But it didn't really work out. So, I did a terrible thing...I grew up. Yep, that's me. Same shirt, same pants. The only thing missing was my soul. * Creativity in this world is key to survival. * First we mine, then we craft. Let's Minecraft! * Oh, these dudes? They're the villagers, they are just chill guys, they like to chill, trade and eat buttloads of bread. They love crushin' loaf. * Flint and steel! * Sneak attack! * Comin' in hot! * Relax, That is an iron golem, don't worry about them, they are friendly, up until you mess with them don't ever do that! *Kid, anything you can dream about here, you can make. Zero limits. You know what I'm talking about. * This is a crafting table. Here's how it works. You place these elements in different patterns, and kaboom! You got yourself a sweet blade! * ''[About the Nether]'' There was no joy, or creativity at all. Just a mindless lust for gold. ==Garrett== * Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison. Gamer of the Year, 1989. Whatever. I barely think about it. * Fear is just weakness hijacking your body's cockpit. *Listen, kid. The point is, there's no "I" in team. But there are two in winning. *Tell my story in song. Keep it metal. Keep it heavy. Real instruments. ==Others== :'''Alex''': Hey, do you wanna come in? I'm Alex, by the way. ==Dialogue== :'''Garrett''': ''(to Steve)'' [[wikt:vaya con Dios#Spanish|''Vaya con Dios'']]. It means "goodbye", brother. :'''Natalie''': No, it doesn't. :'''Garrett''': Don't look at her. It does. :'''Natalie''': No. It does not. :'''Garrett''': Yeah, it does. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Steve''': Crap! Chungus. :'''General Chungus''': I'm really sorry, but I have to unalive you and stuff. <Hr width=“50% “/> :'''Garrett''': They want me to fight the chicken? :'''Steve''': ''Chicken jockey!'' <Hr width=“50% “/> :''[A [[W:technoblade|pig wearing a crown]] walks by]'' :'''Henry''': Whoa, is he some kind of king? :'''Steve''': No, that's a ''legend''. <Hr width=“50% “/> :'''Malgosha''': You'll never be happy. Deep down you know. To hope, to dream, to create, is to suffer. :'''Steve''': You're right. It is harder to create than to destroy. That's why cowards tend to choose the deuce. <Hr width=“50% “/> :'''Steve''': You ever wonder what happens when you mix hot lava and chicken? I did, and you're about to find out. :'''Garrett''': Pssh. :'''Steve''': ''Uh-ohh!'' ''[Flips a switch, cooking a live chicken in lava]'' You hear that? That’s the sound of Sizza-LEENG! Smell that smell? ''[Singing]'' La-la-la-lava. Ch-ch-ch-chicken. Steve's Lava Chicken, yeah, it's tasty as hell. Ooooh, mamacita, now you're ringing the bell. Crispy and juicy, now you're having a snack. Ooooh, super spicy, it's a lava attaaaack! :'''Garrett''': I have a small business too, but one thing I try to do is not have my jingles suck butt. == Cast == * [[Jack Black]] – Steve * [[Jason Momoa]] – Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison * {{w|Emma Myers}} – Natalie * {{w|Danielle Brooks}} – Dawn * Sebastian Hansen – Henry * [[Jennifer Coolidge]] – Vice Principal Marlene ===Voices=== * {{w|Rachel House}} – Malgosha * {{w|Jemaine Clement}} – Daryl and Bruce * [[w:Jared and Jerusha Hess|Jared Hess]] – General Chungus * {{w|Matt Berry}} – Nitwit == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|id=3566834|title=A Minecraft Movie}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Minecraft Movie, A}} [[category:2025 films]] [[category:2020s American films]] [[category:Fantasy films]] [[category:Comedy films]] [[category:Adventure films]] [[Category:American children's fantasy films]] [[Category:American children's adventure films]] [[Category:American children's comedy films]] [[Category:Films about parallel universes]] [[Category:Films based on video games]] [[Category:American films with live action and animation]] [[Category:Warner Bros. Discovery]] 3yb79p3nei8en7udem66x7k3qhhhkjh 0 288676 3778627 3701260 2025-07-14T12:57:15Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Activists]]; added [[Category:LGBT rights activists]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778627 wikitext text/x-wiki {{people-cleanup}} [[File:Mpho Tutu van Furth (42634185171).jpg|thumb|'''Mpho Andrea Tutu van Furth''']] '''Mpho Andrea Tutu van Furth''' (born 1963) is a [[South Africa|South African]] [[Anglicanism|Anglican Priest]] [[Authors|author]] and activist. She is the daughter of [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Desmond_Tutu Archbishop Desmond] and [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nomalizo_Leah_Tutu Leah Tutu]. She co-wrote two books with her father, and a biography about him with the journalist [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Allister_Sparks Allister Sparks]. She was ordained in 2003, but the [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anglican_Church_of_South_Africa Anglican Church of South Africa] will not permit her to work as a priest in the church because she is married to a woman, Marceline van Furth. In 2022, she began preaching in [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amsterdam Amsterdam]. == Quotes == * Before transformation there must be the belief that transformation is possible, and the willingness to be transformed. ** https://luminaryquotes.com/quote/compassion-seeks-change/#:~:text=Before%20transformation%20there%20must%20be,Accessed%201%20July%202024. * If we as a world ever got even a hint of the incredible love with which God loves us, we would be living in such a different world than we do now. ** [https://resources.soundstrue.com/podcast/mpho-andrea-tutu-van-furth-im-here-for-love/ Mpho Andrea Tutu van Furth: I’m Here For Love,]October 24, 2023,by Tami Simon * To me, authentic leadership is leadership from the heart; from the center: that one recognizes the core of one’s being and leads from that space. * If you conceptualize leadership as power over people, Ubuntu doesn’t have a place in that conceptualization. If you conceptualize leadership as power with people, it completely changes the way you operate, even as a leader. * Forgiveness is not easy; it can seem like an impossible task. According to Mpho, only through walking this fourfold path, we free ourselves from the endless cycle of pain and retribution. * forgiveness is the biggest help to transition away from the stereotypical patriarchal model that both women and men suffer under. * Privilege is there is almost nothing about you that I have to know, and yet you know so much about me. ** https://newfemaleleaders.org/podcasts/mpho-tutu-van-furth/ * we have to search our souls in order to find our own truth, to understand when we have been responsible for perpetuating inequality whether explicitly or complicitly. It is a painful process, but only then can we address it. * I am working to create a world that is good for girls. * For girls to flourish our world must be safe, our environment clean, our planet healthy * For girls to flourish their voices must be heard, their choices honoured, and their right to bodily integrity affirmed. * When girls flourish the whole world flourishes. * like every LGBTQIA+ child who has come out of the closet only to be thrown out of the house, I feel bereft. The South African church that was the mother of my faith has disowned me. ** [https://stchrysostoms.wordpress.com/2020/10/26/mpho-tutu-van-furth-a-call-to-equality-and-inclusiveness/ Mpho Tutu van Furth: A call to equality and inclusiveness],October 26, 2020,The Blog of St Chrysostom's Church, Manchester UK == External links == {{Wikipedia}} [[Category:Priestesses]] [[Category:South Africa]] [[Category:LGBT rights activists]] [[Category:Authors]] [[Category:1963 births]] [[Category:LGBT people]] [[Category:Sexuality and society]] mntgzol4kq5235icg1zskgy5xs6qf1o 0 289239 3778620 3760868 2025-07-14T12:54:47Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Activists]]; added [[Category:Women's rights activists]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778620 wikitext text/x-wiki {{people-cleanup}} [[File:Inna Modja 02 (fcm).jpg|thumb|Inna Modja]] '''Inna Bocoum''', also known as Inna Modja (born May 19, 1984), is a [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mali Malian-French female singer and model]. "Modja" means "bad, not good" in Fulfulde. == Quotes == * Growing up in the Sahel, I witnessed the land degradation caused by a changing climate, and saw how women and girls were disproportionately suffering the consequences * I quickly realized you cannot dissociate women and girls’ rights from climate change activism * Art—be it music, films or paintings—is a powerful tool to unite people and create global movements * I have used my music to support initiatives such as the Great Green Wall, and it has proved very effective ** https://thinklandscape.globallandscapesforum.org/collection/inna-modja/#:~:text=%E2%80%9CKeep%20going%2C%20women%20and%20girls,and%20make%20your%20own%20decisions. * Keep going women and girls.Stand up for yourself.You have earned the right to own and to work,the right to be independent and make your own * You have the right to Education and the right to equality. * Women and girls this is the time to seize your power ** https://thinklandscape.globallandscapesforum.org/collection/inna-modja/#:~:text=%E2%80%9CKeep%20going%2C%20women%20and%20girls,and%20make%20your%20own%20decisions. * For me, use your voice. If you have a talent, you have a gift, you have a purpose and a ‘why’ - use it * It's a vehicle to share messages, it's a vehicle for change * Anybody can do something, anybody can take action. And every action is important * I believe in solution-driven projects. I believe in grassroots projects, I believe in people taking action. If you don't know anything about it there is internet today, you can find a community of people who are interested in the same topics ** [https://www.ifc.org/en/podcasts/creative-development/2023/inna-modja-the-artist-and-activist Inna Modja: The Artist and the Activist],October 17, 2023,by Makhtar == External links == {{Wikipedia}} [[Category:1984 births]] [[Category:People from Mali]] [[Category:Singer-songwriters]] [[Category:Models]] [[Category:Women's rights activists]] j3a815a2b85jd3ebe6ych8zds1owoql 0 289246 3778626 3770864 2025-07-14T12:56:44Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Activists]]; added [[Category:Civil rights activists]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778626 wikitext text/x-wiki {{people-cleanup}} [[File:Aïssa Maïga.jpg|thumb|Aïssa Maïga]] '''[[w:Aïssa Maïga|Aïssa Maïga]]''' (born 5 May 1975) is a [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Senegal Senegal]-born French [[actress]], [[Director (business)|director]], [[writer]], [[producer]], and [[Activism|activist]]. Maïga has worked with major auteurs like [[Michael Haneke]], [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abderrahmane_Sissako Abderrahmane Sissako] and [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michel_Gondry Michel Gondry], and recently starred in [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chiwetel_Ejiofor Chiwetel Ejiofor]’s directorial debut. == Quotes == * My name would come up from time to time, but with few alternatives in the middle of an empty space * This emptiness has always upset me, but it also inspired me to do this project * I always knew it would be a collective effort where my actress friends would share their experiences * They were all determined and excited to make their voices heard * It was time to represent blacks in French film—in under a month, we went from coauthors to a true collective ** [https://www.vogue.com/article/aissa-maiga-cannes-my-profession-is-not-black-book Aïssa Maïga Brought the Fight for Representation to Cannes,]May 22, 2018,By Janelle Okwodu * The book is a commercial hit in French bookstores, proving that, contrary to what some believe, the public not only wants to read what we have to say, but they share our values of inclusion and diversity * I would be delighted if after this book, and with the other actions we plan to take, that all communities be represented * The best thing would be for all talents, regardless of skin color, to have access to the same opportunities ** [https://www.vogue.com/article/aissa-maiga-cannes-my-profession-is-not-black-book Aïssa Maïga Brought the Fight for Representation to Cannes],May 22, 2018,By Janelle Okwodu * We survived whitewashing, blackface, tons of dealer roles, housekeepers with a Bwana accent, we survived the roles of terrorists, all the roles of hypersexualized girls * We’re not going to leave French cinema alone * We are a family. We say everything, right? All of you who are not impacted by issues related to invisibility, stereotypes or the issue of skin color…the good news is that it will not happen without you. Think inclusion * What is played in French cinema does not only concern our very privileged environment, it concerns all of society ** [https://www.essence.com/entertainment/french-oscars-black-nominees/ #CesarsSoWhite: Aïssa Maïga Gives Stunning Speech About Lack Of Diversity At 'French Oscars]',UPDATED DECEMBER 6, 2020,By Kimberly Wilson == External links == {{Wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Maïga, Aïssa}} [[Category:1975 births]] [[Category:Writers]] [[Category:Producers]] [[Category:Actresses from Senegal]] [[Category:Civil rights activists]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Actresses from France]] 5jjwpxip7qczkbps94n80b4i5ftb6be 0 289771 3778629 3708434 2025-07-14T12:58:14Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Activists]]; added [[Category:Women's rights activists]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778629 wikitext text/x-wiki '''Vivian Onano''' (born 1991) is an African activist and social entrepreneur from Kenya who advocates for [[wikipedia:Female_education|girls' education]] and end of [[wikipedia:Child_marriage|child marriage]] in Africa. She is the founder and director of the Leading Light Initiative, an organization aimed at alleviating poverty by providing opportunities tailored to youth, women, and disabled individuals. == Quotes == * without access to education, it is impossible to make gender equality a reality * Achieving gender equality is more than 50-50 representation; it is also about recognizing and respecting women’s rights as human rights, treating women with dignity, offering them equal opportunities to participate fully in the socioeconomic and political development of their individual countries * in defending women’s rights, men are actually preserving their own dignity ** “[https://www.unwomen.org/en/news/stories/2015/5/vivian-onano Without access to education, it is impossible to make gender equality a reality”- Vivian Onano],29 May 2015,by UNWOMEN * Young people are the future of our communities and for us to thrive socially, economically, and politically, we have to ensure that everyone plays their role effectively. That is not possible without achieving gender equality * Gender equality is a prerequisite for making sustainable development a reality. As young people, we have to inform ourselves and passionately advocate and work to address the barriers hindering equality for all * It is really important for us as young people to be better equipped with the right knowledge and network so that we can actively engage with policy makers and diverse stakeholders in the pursuit of gender quality * Young people have the task to mobilize and decentralize information on why achieving gender equality is a win overall for humanity. Technology has made it very easy for us to advocate both offline and online, share best practices and form synergies across continents ** [https://www.bushcenter.org/publications/voices-of-hope-a-conversation-with-youth-activist-vivian-onano Voices of Hope: A Conversation with Youth Activist Vivian Onano],August 12, 2016,by Natalie Gonnella-Platts * The recently adopted Sustainable Development Goals are actually our objectives as young people and we can no longer be sidelined in the discussions around execution and implementation because we are the ones who are going to live through them * I see more young people equipping themselves with the right kind of information. This is critical as it allows us to both be impactful in our advocacy and to be taken seriously * To achieve prosperity, everyone has to have a seat at the table when decisions are made. And there is no more important voice as that of youth. From unemployment to poverty to child marriage to violence, just to mention a few, we are the ones on the ground grappling with these issues * We young people of today are innovative, enthusiastic, and solution-oriented. But for us to be better advocates, we also need support from all stakeholders to ensure quality education and healthcare, civic empowerment, and peace ** [https://www.bushcenter.org/publications/voices-of-hope-a-conversation-with-youth-activist-vivian-onano Voices of Hope: A Conversation with Youth Activist Vivian Onano],August 12, 2016,by Natalie Gonnella-Platts == External links == {{Wikipedia}} [[Category:1991 births]] [[Category:Women's rights activists]] [[Category:Human rights activists]] [[Category:Kenya]] [[Category:Living people]] jcmlima6o2dxaru6ukhzjqxj336nz77 3778630 3778629 2025-07-14T12:58:31Z UDScott 4304 3778630 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Vivian Onano|Vivian Onano]]''' (born 1991) is an African activist and social entrepreneur from Kenya who advocates for [[wikipedia:Female_education|girls' education]] and end of [[wikipedia:Child_marriage|child marriage]] in Africa. She is the founder and director of the Leading Light Initiative, an organization aimed at alleviating poverty by providing opportunities tailored to youth, women, and disabled individuals. == Quotes == * without access to education, it is impossible to make gender equality a reality * Achieving gender equality is more than 50-50 representation; it is also about recognizing and respecting women’s rights as human rights, treating women with dignity, offering them equal opportunities to participate fully in the socioeconomic and political development of their individual countries * in defending women’s rights, men are actually preserving their own dignity ** “[https://www.unwomen.org/en/news/stories/2015/5/vivian-onano Without access to education, it is impossible to make gender equality a reality”- Vivian Onano],29 May 2015,by UNWOMEN * Young people are the future of our communities and for us to thrive socially, economically, and politically, we have to ensure that everyone plays their role effectively. That is not possible without achieving gender equality * Gender equality is a prerequisite for making sustainable development a reality. As young people, we have to inform ourselves and passionately advocate and work to address the barriers hindering equality for all * It is really important for us as young people to be better equipped with the right knowledge and network so that we can actively engage with policy makers and diverse stakeholders in the pursuit of gender quality * Young people have the task to mobilize and decentralize information on why achieving gender equality is a win overall for humanity. Technology has made it very easy for us to advocate both offline and online, share best practices and form synergies across continents ** [https://www.bushcenter.org/publications/voices-of-hope-a-conversation-with-youth-activist-vivian-onano Voices of Hope: A Conversation with Youth Activist Vivian Onano],August 12, 2016,by Natalie Gonnella-Platts * The recently adopted Sustainable Development Goals are actually our objectives as young people and we can no longer be sidelined in the discussions around execution and implementation because we are the ones who are going to live through them * I see more young people equipping themselves with the right kind of information. This is critical as it allows us to both be impactful in our advocacy and to be taken seriously * To achieve prosperity, everyone has to have a seat at the table when decisions are made. And there is no more important voice as that of youth. From unemployment to poverty to child marriage to violence, just to mention a few, we are the ones on the ground grappling with these issues * We young people of today are innovative, enthusiastic, and solution-oriented. But for us to be better advocates, we also need support from all stakeholders to ensure quality education and healthcare, civic empowerment, and peace ** [https://www.bushcenter.org/publications/voices-of-hope-a-conversation-with-youth-activist-vivian-onano Voices of Hope: A Conversation with Youth Activist Vivian Onano],August 12, 2016,by Natalie Gonnella-Platts == External links == {{Wikipedia}} [[Category:1991 births]] [[Category:Women's rights activists]] [[Category:Human rights activists]] [[Category:Women from Kenya]] [[Category:Living people]] g6j6pfd5zxd10epf3jlxif5y4didf46 0 289811 3778622 3709091 2025-07-14T12:55:49Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Activists]]; added [[Category:Political activists]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778622 wikitext text/x-wiki {{people-cleanup}} '''Lilian Diedericks''' OLS (17 December 1925 in [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Port_Elizabeth Port Elizabeth], [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_Location_(township) Red Location] – 21 December 2021 in Port Elizabeth) was a South African activist known as a founding member of the [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Federation_of_South_African_Women Federation of South African Women]. == Quotes about Lilian == * She was fierce to the very end. One of the last things she said was that her feet were cold * I put her socks on but a few moments later she asked me to take them off her * She led a significant life and contributed immensely to the struggle * Auntie Lilly remained rooted in her community and did not accept anything in return for the role she played * She was someone who called a spade, a spade * Nelson Mandela Bay mayor Eugene Johnson said Diedericks was the kind of woman she was always eager to learn from * Her fighting spirit, knowledge and courage were inspiring, Johnson said * Mabuyane said:We bid farewell to yet another colossal legend of our beloved Eastern Cape * We say rest in peace to Mama Diedericks, you have served your people with diligence, steadfastness, dignity, with your integrity and legacy intact ** [https://www.theherald.co.za/amp/news/2021-12-22-anc-struggle-activist-lillian-diedericks-a-colossal-legend/ ANC struggle activist Lillian Diedericks a ‘colossal legend’,]22 December 2021,by Zamandulo Malonde == External links == {{Wikipedia}} [[Category:1925 births]] [[Category:2021 deaths]] [[Category:South Africa]] [[Category:Political activists]] akj7frey35km3cgqryqwecq1vd9olvf 3778624 3778622 2025-07-14T12:55:58Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:South Africa]]; added [[Category:Women from South Africa]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778624 wikitext text/x-wiki {{people-cleanup}} '''Lilian Diedericks''' OLS (17 December 1925 in [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Port_Elizabeth Port Elizabeth], [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_Location_(township) Red Location] – 21 December 2021 in Port Elizabeth) was a South African activist known as a founding member of the [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Federation_of_South_African_Women Federation of South African Women]. == Quotes about Lilian == * She was fierce to the very end. One of the last things she said was that her feet were cold * I put her socks on but a few moments later she asked me to take them off her * She led a significant life and contributed immensely to the struggle * Auntie Lilly remained rooted in her community and did not accept anything in return for the role she played * She was someone who called a spade, a spade * Nelson Mandela Bay mayor Eugene Johnson said Diedericks was the kind of woman she was always eager to learn from * Her fighting spirit, knowledge and courage were inspiring, Johnson said * Mabuyane said:We bid farewell to yet another colossal legend of our beloved Eastern Cape * We say rest in peace to Mama Diedericks, you have served your people with diligence, steadfastness, dignity, with your integrity and legacy intact ** [https://www.theherald.co.za/amp/news/2021-12-22-anc-struggle-activist-lillian-diedericks-a-colossal-legend/ ANC struggle activist Lillian Diedericks a ‘colossal legend’,]22 December 2021,by Zamandulo Malonde == External links == {{Wikipedia}} [[Category:1925 births]] [[Category:2021 deaths]] [[Category:Women from South Africa]] [[Category:Political activists]] e6p211fspjlfdp66hwj7a3h7qaz248l 3778625 3778624 2025-07-14T12:56:06Z UDScott 4304 added [[Category:Activists from South Africa]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778625 wikitext text/x-wiki {{people-cleanup}} '''Lilian Diedericks''' OLS (17 December 1925 in [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Port_Elizabeth Port Elizabeth], [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_Location_(township) Red Location] – 21 December 2021 in Port Elizabeth) was a South African activist known as a founding member of the [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Federation_of_South_African_Women Federation of South African Women]. == Quotes about Lilian == * She was fierce to the very end. One of the last things she said was that her feet were cold * I put her socks on but a few moments later she asked me to take them off her * She led a significant life and contributed immensely to the struggle * Auntie Lilly remained rooted in her community and did not accept anything in return for the role she played * She was someone who called a spade, a spade * Nelson Mandela Bay mayor Eugene Johnson said Diedericks was the kind of woman she was always eager to learn from * Her fighting spirit, knowledge and courage were inspiring, Johnson said * Mabuyane said:We bid farewell to yet another colossal legend of our beloved Eastern Cape * We say rest in peace to Mama Diedericks, you have served your people with diligence, steadfastness, dignity, with your integrity and legacy intact ** [https://www.theherald.co.za/amp/news/2021-12-22-anc-struggle-activist-lillian-diedericks-a-colossal-legend/ ANC struggle activist Lillian Diedericks a ‘colossal legend’,]22 December 2021,by Zamandulo Malonde == External links == {{Wikipedia}} [[Category:1925 births]] [[Category:2021 deaths]] [[Category:Women from South Africa]] [[Category:Political activists]] [[Category:Activists from South Africa]] 36rws46x7rbndia13drfi2szjn441is 0 290084 3778748 3732348 2025-07-14T16:09:00Z UDScott 4304 /* Dialogue */ 3778748 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:A Complete Unknown|A Complete Unknown]]''''' is a [[w:2024 in film|2024 film]], set in 1961, in which an unknown 19-year-old [[Bob Dylan]] arrives in New York City with his guitar and forges relationships with musical icons on his meteoric rise, culminating in a groundbreaking performance that reverberates around the world. :''Directed by [[w:James Mangold|James Mangold]]. Written by James Mangold and [[w:Jay Cocks|Jay Cocks]], based on the book "[[w:Dylan Goes Electric!|Dylan Goes Electric!]]" by [[w:Elijah Wald|Elijah Wald]].'' {{center/s}}'''He defied everyone to change everything.'''[[#Taglines|taglines]]{{center/e}} == Bob Dylan == * Everyone asks where these songs come from, Sylvie. But then you watch their faces, and they're not asking where the songs come from. They're asking why the songs didn't come to them. * Your songs are like an oil painting at the dentist's office. == Pete Seeger == * More and more people have been showing up, and they're bringing their teaspoons. Teaspoons for justice, and teaspoons for peace, and teaspoons for love, and that's what we do. And, gosh, you showed up, Bobby, and damn it, if you didn't bring a shovel. == Joan Baez == * You know, you're kind of an asshole, Bob. == Others == * '''Dave Van Ronk''': You can call it country or blues or rock'n'roll - we all keep rewriting the same song. == Dialogue == :'''Sylvie Russo''': What do you want to be? :'''Bob Dylan''': A musician. Who eats. :'''Sylvie Russo''': Well, I like your songs. :'''Bob Dylan''': My record comes out in a couple weeks. :'''Sylvie Russo''': Some of the songs you played today on your record? :'''Bob Dylan''': It's mostly covers. It's traditional stuff. Y'know, folk songs are supposed to stand the test of time, like [[Shakespeare]] or something. They say no one wants to hear what a kid wrote last month. :'''Sylvie Russo''': Who's 'they'? :'''Bob Dylan''': The record company. Manager. :'''Sylvie Russo''': I'm sorry, but, "Where Have All The Flowers Gone?" is not Shakespeare. There was a time when the old songs were new, right? Someone at some point had to give the songs a chance. ''[they get up and begin to leave the restaurant]'' I mean, there's a civil war going on down south. The biggest military buildup in history. Nuclear bombs hanging over us. It's not all about the Dust Bowl and Johnny Appleseed anymore. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bob Dylan''': ''[in voiceover reading the letter he's writing to Johnny Cash on an airplane]'' Dear Johnny, Thanks for that letter. I am now famous -- famous by the rules of public famiosity. It snuck up on me and pulverized me. To quote Mr. Freud, I get quite paranoid. :'''Johnny Cash''': ''[in voiceover reading the letter he's writing to Dylan on an airplane.]'' Bob -- Got your letter. Tonight I sit in the wake of one more hard rain. I was in New York last week. Saw a bunch of folk singers that couldn't hold a chigger on your ass. Well, I'll see you in Newport come spring. Until then, track mud on somebody's carpet. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bob Dylan''': I don't think they want to hear what I want to play. :'''Johnny Cash''': Who's they? :'''Bob Dylan''': You know, the people who decide what folk music is or isn't. :'''Johnny Cash''': Fuck them, I wanna hear you. Go track some mud on somebody's carpet. Make some noise, B.D. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joan Baez''': Who taught you to play? :'''Bob Dylan''': I taught myself, really. Picked up a few licks at the carnival. :'''Joan Baez''': ''[in disbelief]'' At the carnival? :'''Bob Dylan''': Oh yeah, there was singing cowboys that come through teach me all sorts of funny chords. They'd pass through doin' shows in Kansas or Dakotas. These chords I learned from a cowboy named Wigglefoot. :'''Joan Baez''': You were in a carnival? ''[pause]'' You are so completely full of shit. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Bob Dylan''': ''[in elevator after leaving fancy Harold Leventhal party]'' Two hundred people in that room and each one wants me to be somebody else. They should just fuck off and let me be. :'''Bobby Neuwirth''': Be what? :'''Bob Dylan''': Excuse me? :'''Bobby Neuwirth''': They should fuck off and let you be what? :'''Bob Dylan''': I don't know. Whatever it is they don't want me to be. :'''Bobby Neuwirth''': Y'know, I'm not a horse, so... I don't like carrying other people's weight. :'''Bob Dylan''': Yeah, well, I got a hundred pounds on me that don't show on the scale. :'''Bobby Neuwirth''': How do you sing then? :'''Bob Dylan''': I put myself in another place. But I'm a stranger there. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Sylvie Russo''': It was fun to be on the carnival train with you, Bobby, but I think I gotta step off. I feel like one of those plates, you know, that the French guy spins on those sticks on the Sullivan show. :'''Bob Dylan''': Oh, I like that guy. :'''Sylvie Russo''': I'm sure it's fun to ''be'' the guy, Bob. But I was a plate. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joan Baez''': Well you finally got it. :'''Bob Dylan''': Got what? :'''Joan Baez''': Freedom from us and all our shit. Isn't that what you wanted? :''[Bob doesn't answer and rides away]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Joan Baez''': ''[as Bob joins her on stage at the 1965 Newport Folk Festival]'' Pick something appropriate. :'''Bob Dylan''': ''[Sarcastically]'' Appropriate. :'''Joan Baez''': Just fuck off and sing. :'''Bob Dylan''': Appropriate. == Taglines == * He defied everyone to change everything. * The ballad of a true original. == Cast == {{col-begin}} {{col-3}} * [[Timothée Chalamet]] - [[Bob Dylan]] * [[Edward Norton]] - [[Pete Seeger]] * [[w:Elle Fanning|Elle Fanning]] - Sylvie Russo * [[w:Monica Barbaro|Monica Barbaro]] - [[Joan Baez]] * [[w:Boyd Holbrook|Boyd Holbrook]] - [[Johnny Cash]] * [[w:Dan Fogler|Dan Fogler]] - [[w:Albert Grossman|Albert Grossman]] * [[w:Norbert Leo Butz|Norbert Leo Butz]] - [[w:Alan Lomax|Alan Lomax]] * [[w:Eriko Hatsune|Eriko Hatsune]] - [[w:Toshi Seeger|Toshi Seeger]] * [[w:Big Bill Morganfield|Big Bill Morganfield]] - Jesse Moffette * [[w:Will Harrison (actor)|Will Harrison]] - [[w:Bob Neuwirth|Bob Neuwirth]] {{col-3}} * [[w:Scoot McNairy|Scoot McNairy]] - [[Woody Guthrie]] * [[w:P. J. Byrne|P. J. Byrne]] - [[w:Harold Leventhal|Harold Leventhal]] * [[w:Michael Chernus|Michael Chernus]] - [[w:Theodore Bikel|Theodore Bikel]] * [[w:Charlie Tahan|Charlie Tahan]] - [[w:Al Kooper|Al Kooper]] * Ryan Harris Brown - [[w:Mark Spoelstra|Mark Spoelstra]] * [[w:Eli Brown|Eli Brown]] - [[Mike Bloomfield]] * Nick Pupo - [[w:Peter Yarrow|Peter Yarrow]] * Laura Kariuki - Becka * Stephen Carter Carlsen - [[w:Paul Stookey|Paul Stookey]] {{col-3}} * Eric Berryman - [[w:Tom Wilson (record producer)|Tom Wilson]] * [[w:David Alan Basche|David Alan Basche]] - [[w:John Hammond (record producer)|John Hammond]] * [[w:Joe Tippett|Joe Tippett]] - [[w:Dave Van Ronk|Dave Van Ronk]] * [[w:James Austin Johnson|James Austin Johnson]] - Gerdes M.C. * [[w:Kayli Carter|Kayli Carter]] - [[w:Maria Muldaur|Maria Muldaur]] * Sarah King - [[w:Barbara Dane|Barbara Dane]] * Will Price - [[w:Joe Boyd|Joe Boyd]] * [[w:Joshua Henry|Joshua Henry]] - [[w:Brownie McGhee|Brownie McGhee]] * [[w:Molly Jobe|Molly Jobe]] - CBS Receptionist {{col-end}} == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{IMDb title|tt11563598}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Complete Unknown, A}} [[Category:2024 films]] [[Category:2020s American films]] [[Category:Biographical films]] [[Category:Musical drama films]] [[Category:Period films]] [[Category:Rock music films]] [[Category:Films set in the 1960s]] [[Category:Films set in New York City]] [[Category:Films set in Rhode Island]] [[Category:Films based on non-fiction books]] [[Category:Films directed by James Mangold]] [[Category:Screenplays by James Mangold]] egcydo40rks75ghy48pneh0qa5pwu6o 0 290663 3778706 3773468 2025-07-14T14:01:43Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Comedians]]; added [[Category:Comedians from Nigeria]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778706 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Mr Macaroni|Adebowale "Debo" Adedayo]]''' (born 3 May 1993), popularly known by his stage name '''Mr Macaroni''', is a [[Nigerian]] actor, comedian, and activist. ==Quotes== *Depression and Frustration led me to content creation. **[https://www.coolfm.ng/news/exclusive-interviews/depression-and-frustration-led-me-to-content-creation-mr-macaroni/ Depression And Frustration Led Me To Content Creation” - Mr. Macaroni]. 6 July 2022, Cool FM. *I feel I should be involved because God has given me the platform today, not to be popular, but so that I can use the platform to speak up for those that cannot speak for themselves. How can I ask others to make sacrifices that i am not willing to make. **[https://dailypost.ng/2024/10/28/i-became-fearless-after-being-stripped-naked-tortured-by-police-mr-macaroni-recounts-ordeal/ I became fearless after being stripped naked, tortured by Police’ – Mr Macaroni recounts ordeal]. 28 October 2024, Daily Post Newspaper. *All the fear in me disappeared after that experience. That is the twist. **[https://dailypost.ng/2024/10/28/i-became-fearless-after-being-stripped-naked-tortured-by-police-mr-macaroni-recounts-ordeal/ I became fearless after being stripped naked, tortured by Police’ – Mr Macaroni recounts ordeal]. 28 October 2024, Daily Post Newspaper == External links == {{wikipedia}} [[Category:Actors from Nigeria]] [[Category:Comedians from Nigeria]] [[Category:1993 births]] [[Category:Living people]] iu1bv6n25rsr4mry448sa7basjzdjh6 0 291415 3779044 3778466 2025-07-15T08:21:53Z 2A03:D000:83:846E:6DE0:74B0:EB7F:F60C 3779044 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}}'''''[[w:Lilo & Stitch (2025 film)|Lilo & Stitch]]''''' is a 2025 American science-fiction comedy film, telling the story about a lonely Hawaiian little girl named Lilo, who adopted an illegal alien from outer space named Stitch and become best friends and learn him to be part of "'ohana". :''Directed by {{w|Dean Fleischer Camp}}. Written by Chris Kekaniokalani Bright and Mike Van Waes, remade from [[Lilo & Stitch|Disney's 2002 animated feature film of the same name]].'' == Dialogue == :''[Tuesday; Galactic Council Emergency Session on planet Turo in the Kweltikwan Galaxy]'' :'''Grand Councilwoman''': ''[first lines]'' We have apprehended a dangerous threat in one of our very own labs. ''[the alien council gasps in horror]'' Quiet! We believe that this… this… monstrosity… is the product of illegal genetic experimentation. :''[Experiment 626, a blue koala-like alien with four arms, two antennas on his head, three spikes on his back, and wearing a red jumpsuit, reveals himself in the canister]'' :'''Robot''': What deranged lunatic would create something like this? :'''Jumba''': ''[brought in by two intergalactic soldiers, handcuffed; clears throat]'' I prefer "deranged genius," but thank you for the introduction. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Dr. Jumba Jookiba, you were tasked with safely studying biological threats, ''not'' creating them. :'''Jumba''': "A threat"? Experiment 626 is our Federation's most sophisticated weapon. 626 is unstoppable… ''[626 is seen breaking out of the giant safe with incredible strength]'' indestructible… ''[we see 626 getting zap by laser ...more like tickling him since he is fireproof and bulletproof]'' smarter than 100 SUPER COMPUTERS! :'''626''': ''[now seen playing a game of chess with him]'' Tooba. (meaning "Checkmate") :'''Jumba''': ''[frustrated, while knocking away the chess pieces]'' '''''GAH, I DON'T WANNA PLAY ANYMORE!!!''''' :'''Alien Council Member''': It's an atrocity! :'''Grand Councilwoman''': SILENCE! He did not asked to be created. Perhaps, if he ''is'' so intelligent, he has the capacity to reason. ''[a microphone appears in the canister before 626]'' Experiment 626, show us that there is something inside you that is good. :'''626''': ''[climbs down, walks up to the microphone like a shy child and clears throat, everyone waits, Jumba glances at his creation and the court anxiously...after a moment of silence; speaks into the microphone]'' Meega nala kweesta! ''[The whole alien council gasps in shock; cackles wickedly]'' :'''Grand Councilwoman''': So naughty! :'''Robot''': ''[while barfing out bolts and screws]'' Throwing up. Throwing up. :'''Jumba''': ''[embarrassed]'' I did not teach him that. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': You have made our decision easy. He is clearly the flawed product of a deranged mind. Dr. Jookiba, your lab will be destroyed. :'''Jumba''': ''[shrugs; not caring]'' Okay, just leave me 626… :'''Grand Councilwoman''':...and 626 exiled. :'''Jumba''': ''[disappointed]'' Oh, come on! :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Bailiff! :'''Jumba''': ''[shocked]'' Wait! No, no, no, no! You can't do that! ''[The experiment's canister get taken away downward, much to his horror]'' '''''NOOOOO!!!''''' :''[626 is then locked up in a cell, and gets a tracking collar fastened around his neck with guns pointing at him, controlled by the hammerhead shark-like alien dressed in suit and helmet]'' :'''Cell Manager''': Don't get any ideas. These guns are locked onto your genetic signature. They're not gonna shoot anyone but you. ''[chuckles; 626 struggles and the guns move; He stops and thinks, looks at the two guns and they move; He gets an idea by drooling his spit and the guns aim but he slurps it back up before he does it again]'' Knock it off! Federation strictly forbids to be gross. Don't make me say-- ''[626 spits saliva at the Manager's face mask and the guns aim at him, much to his notice]'' Uh-oh. AHH! ''[removes his mask helmet and runs for it to save himself]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Jumba''': ''[appearing while being escorted by two Federation soldiers]'' Oh, look what a pickle we've got here. ''[chuckles]'' If only there were a brilliant genius around to help you catch that monster. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': ''[enraged] You!'' You're the reason we're in this mess! :'''Jumba''': And I can get you out, if you release me and give me back my lab. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Nonsense, we'll just vaporized the planet. Captain? :'''Captain/Pink Alien Girl''': ''[excitedly]'' Well-armed and ready, Grand Councilwoman! :'''Pleakley''': ''[appearing; dressed up as a cowboy]'' HOLD IT! HOLD EVERYTHING! Excuse me, pardon me. You can't destroy the planet! :'''Captain/Pink Alien Girl''': ''[disappointed]'' Aw, man! :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Uh, who is this? :'''Pleakley''': Agent Pleakley, Earth Expert, at your service. ''[tips his hat]'' Howdy. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Earth expert? :'''Pleakley''': I'm an expert of all planets, flora, fauna and fashion. :'''Jumba''': ''[sarcastically]'' Yeah, his outfit screams "expert". :'''Pleakley''': Oh, yes. I'm researching Earth species that's half cow and half boy. It's very fascinating. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Yes, marvelous. What's your point? :'''Pleakley''': Because Earth is a protected wildlife preserve. Yeah. We’ve been using it to rebuild the mosquito population. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': ''[sighs]'' Crikey. Very well, Dr. Jookiba, you will travel to Earth where you will capture the escaped lab experiment known as 626. ''[Jumba smirks]'' Agent Pleakley, you will be going with him. You are deputized to make sure he follows Federation rules. :'''Jumba''': ''[disbelieved]'' WHAT?! We don't need a babysitter-- :'''Grand Councilwoman''': This is all very dangerous and it's quite frankly, you'll died. Do you accept? :''[Pleakley looks disbelieved and took off his hat]'' :'''Pleakley''': ''[excitedly]'' With every heart in my body, '''''OF COURSE I ACCEPT! I'M GOING TO EARTH!!!''''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Jumba''': I do NOT need supervision! :'''Pleakley''': ''[gasps]'' Premission to hug my partner, please? :'''Grand Councilwoman''': ''[smirks slyly]'' Premission granted. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Jumba''': Well, well, well, 626. What hideous, pathetic planet is caught in your crosshairs? <hr width="50%"/> :''[At the Pelekai house… Lilo sets up a record player, listening to Elvis Presley's "[[w:Heartbreak Hotel|Heartbreak Hotel]]", and lies down on the floor after getting kicked out of hula class for pushing Mertle Edmonds off the stage when Nani failed to show up to support her]'' :'''Nani''': ''[pulls up at the house in her pickup truck and finds the front door locked]'' Lilo, will you please open the door? :'''Lilo''': Read the note. :'''Nani''': ''[sees the note Lilo taped to the door reading, '''"Go away!!!"''']'' Ugh. ''[takes the note off the door]'' I'm sorry I missed your performance, okay :'''Lilo''': ''[sarcastically]'' Wow, that must be so stressful for you, how 'bout you just leave me alone to die! <hr width="50%"/> :''[Lilo, Stitch, and Nani return home after Nani got fired from her job when Stitch accidentally causes a table on fire and blamed both him and Lilo for horsing around as rain starts pouring down]'' :'''Lilo''': You know, you didn't even like that job. :'''Nani''': ''[turns to her; annoyed]'' I don't want to hear it. ''[unlocks the door with her keys and they enter the house]'' And I need to clean the house before work, so please don't make a mess. ''[Stitch looks around the house in surprise and shakes the water off his body]'' Lilo, he's getting water everywhere. :'''Lilo''': I'm giving him a bath right now. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Nani''': ''[as Stitch causes a little chaos in the kitchen]'' We're taking him back, first thing tomorrow morning! ''[grabs hold of him as he grabs onto the refrigerator]'' Why are you so strong? :'''Lilo''': Well, I wished for him, and it came true. :'''Nani''': We said "one day." That was our deal. :'''Lilo''': ''[points to the drawing of their 'ohana on the fridge]'' What's that say, on the refrigerator? :'''Nani''': We are ''not'' keeping this thing! :'''Lilo''': "'Ohana" means "family." Family means nobody gets left behind. :'''Nani''': Or forgotten. ''[Stitch opens the freezer door and hits her in the face]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lilo''': You've got to stop causing problems, Stitch. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lilo''': ''[while grabbing a lei and putting on around Stitch's neck]'' Now, be, good! Be good for '''''one''''' second. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Jumba''': He has sharp teeth, he has claws, I designed him to be dangerous. :'''Pleakley''': Dangerously cute. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Grand Councilwoman calls Jumba and Pleakley, frustrated with Jumba's failures of catching Stitch as well as alerting the humans about their existence]'' :'''Grand Councilwoman''': And not only that you alerted the humans about our existence, but you ''still'' haven't captured 626! :'''Jumba''': Grand Councilwoman, will all due respect, I'm not sure you know what's going on with 626. We have found a glitch, which is making it a little harder to get him off this planet, but don't worry, I'm sure I can figure out-- :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Enough! You're a creature of fool. I have had enough, Dr. Jookiba, you have exhausted my patience! Consider our deal terminated. :'''Jumba''': ''[shocked] '''WHAT?!''''' :'''Grand Councilwoman''': No tantrums, Agent Pleakley is hereby deputize to detain you under Federation orders and escort you back to Turo immediately. ''[beats]'' Uh, hello? :'''Pleakley''': Now? Right now? :'''Grand Councilwoman''': No, later. :'''Jumba''': '''''YOU CANNOT DO THIS TO MY WORK!''''' :'''Grand Councilwoman''': That is ''not'' a debate. A Federation detail is on its way to clean up your mess. ''[hangs up]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Jumba''': ''[trapping Pleakley in the janitor's closet, after the Grand Councilwoman cancels their deal for failing to catch Stitch]'' It's time to do this ''my'' way. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Lilo finds Stitch back at the Nā Mea Ola animal shelter after finding out he left last night, sulking in his cage]'' :'''Lilo''': I thought I lost you. :'''Stitch''': Stitch break family. :'''Lilo''': It was an accident, like a mess up. :'''Stitch''': But, Stitch bad. ''[sadly walks out of the cage]'' Stitch is bad. :'''Lilo''': You're not bad. You just do bad things sometimes. "'Ohana" means "family." And sometimes, family isn't perfect. ''[picks him up and hugs him]'' But that doesn't mean they aren't good. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Jumba''': Who is Mai-mai and Pai-pai? :'''Lilo''': ''[bursting in]'' That's Mama and Papa's room! :'''Jumba''': Oh! That makes a lot more sense. ''[blasts the door with his blaster and smirks evilly]'' :'''Lilo''': ''[threateningly]'' Stop it, or else! :'''Jumba''': Or else what? ''[walks closer to her]'' What are you gonna do? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Nani and David arrive at the wreckage of the house]'' :'''David''': Lilo? :'''Nani''': Lilo?! Lilo?! :'''David''': They're not here. :'''Nani''': I'm gonna check the back. :'''Tūtū''': ''[showing up]'' What happened?! Where's Lilo?! :'''Nani''': I don't know. She's not here. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Cobra''': ''[handcuffs Pleakley]'' Agent Cobra Bubbles, CIA. :'''Nani''': Wait, what? CIA? :'''Pleakley''': Agent Wendell Pleakley from the United Galactic Federation. I'm a fellow government worker. :'''Tūtū''': What are you doing here?! :'''Nani''': Now, where is my sister?! <hr width="50%"/> :'''Jumba''': ''[to Lilo]'' Why don't you just admit that your little friend is a dangerous, freakish '''''monster!''''' :'''Stitch''': ''[as Lilo presses the correct button, freeing him]'' Also cute and '''''FLUFFY!''''' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Jumba''': Look, look, look, look! I've been very bad! I'm growing up. That ain't excuse, I just think... :'''Lilo''': ''[smirks; waves] A hui hou'', hairy potato. ''[activities Jumba's human camouflage device]'' :'''Jumba''': I propose that sometimes, we need second chances, I mean-- Wait, no! ''[gets ejected and is sent flying into the deep ocean below, screaming]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Grand Councilwoman and her intergalactic soldiers arrive on Earth to retrieve Stitch and take him into custody]'' :'''Grand Councilwoman''': We are here to retrieve this dangerous experiment. Soldiers, take 626 into custody. :'''Lilo''': ''[as Stitch gets handcuffed while Nani struggles to hold her back]'' No! HEY! Leave him alone! Let him stay! :'''Grand Councilwoman''': I'm afraid I can't allow that. This creature posed as a threat to your species. We are sorry for what transpired here. Rest assured, those responsible will be brought to justice. :'''Jumba''': ''[now back in his true alien form, gets lifted off the sea by the spaceship while being re-arrested; last words]'' Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! How dare you treat a scientific genius like this! Hey, Grand Councilwoman, can you-- ''[gets clonked on the head]'' Ow! Oh, my precious brain! :'''Grand Councilwoman''': As for 62-- :'''Stitch''': ''[interrupting]'' Stitch. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': ''[confused]'' What? :'''Stitch''': My name Stitch. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Stitch, then.... will be-- :'''Stitch''': Can Stitch say goodbye? :'''Grand Councilwoman''': ''[surprised and hesitantly]'' Yes. :'''Stitch''': Thank you. :'''Lilo''': Come here, Stitch. We're gonna to miss you. :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Who are these people? :'''Stitch''': This is my family. I found it all on my own. It's little and broken, but still good. Yeah. Still good. :'''Pleakley''': Grand Councilwoman? Can we leave Stitch with his new family? :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Absolutely not. The Council would require supervision, and who would possibly want to stay on this dilapidated mosquito farm? :'''Pleakley''': ''[excitedly]'' Oh, oh! Me! Me! ME! :'''Grand Councilwoman''': Nonsense.. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Grand Councilwoman''': You all have shown me that there is good inside this creature. However, I cannot reverse the council's decision. Experiment 626 has been sentence to life in exile. ''[Everyone, even Stitch, felt sad at the fact that he might not be allowed to stay after all; until...]'' A sentence that would be henceforth served.... ''[smiles]'' here on Earth. :''[Everyone were overwhelmed with joy and Stitch's handcuffs falls off and he happily runs into Lilo's arms]'' ==Cast== *'''Maia Kealoha''' — [[W:List of Lilo & Stitch characters#Lilo Pelekai|Lilo]] *'''[[W:Sydney Agudong|Sydney Elizabeth Agudong]]''' — [[W:List of Lilo & Stitch characters#Nani Pelekai|Nani]] *'''[[W:Chris Sanders|Chris Sanders]]''' — Voice of [[w:Stitch (Lilo & Stitch)|Stitch]] *'''[[W:Zach Galifianakis|Zach Galifianakis]]''' — Human Disguise and Voice of [[W:List of Lilo & Stitch characters#Jumba Jookiba|Jumba]] *'''[[W:Billy Magnussen|Billy Magnussen]]''' — Human Disguise and Voice of [[W:List of Lilo & Stitch characters#Pleakley|Pleakley]] *'''[[W:Courtney B. Vance|Courtney B. Vance]]''' — [[W:List of Lilo & Stitch characters#Cobra Bubbles|Cobra Bubbles]] *'''[[W:Amy Hill|Amy Hill]]''' — [[W:List of Lilo & Stitch characters#Characters introduced in Lilo & Stitch (2025)|Tūtū]] *'''[[W:Tia Carrere|Tia Carrere]]''' — [[W:List of Lilo & Stitch characters#Characters introduced in Lilo & Stitch (2025)|Mrs. Kekoa]] *'''Kaipo Dudoit''' — [[W:List of Lilo & Stitch characters#David Kawena|David]] *'''[[W:Hannah Waddingham|Hannah Waddingham]]''' — Voice of the [[W:List of Lilo & Stitch characters#Grand Councilwoman|Grand Councilwoman]] *'''[[W:Jason Scott Lee|Jason Scott Lee]]''' — Lū'au Manager *'''Ashley Lambert''' — Voice of the Ship's Computer == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{imdb title|11655566|Lilo & Stitch}} {{Lilo & Stitch}} {{Authority control}} [[Category:2025 films]] [[Category:2020s American films]] [[Category:American 3D films]] [[Category:American remake films]] [[Category:Comedy science fiction films]] [[Category:Buddy films]] [[Category:Lilo & Stitch]] [[Category:Films about children]] [[Category:Films about friendship]] [[Category:Films about dysfunctional families]] [[Category:Films about sisters]] [[Category:Films set on islands]] [[Category:Films set in Hawaii]] [[Category:Extraterrestrial life films]] [[Category:American films with live action and animation]] 7ft92nygwi426zfmkxw65dw8y2zjto8 0 291778 3778754 3777524 2025-07-14T16:44:44Z DanielTom 608538 added a comma 3778754 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} [[File:Stothard, painting, Canterbury Pilgrims.jpg|thumb|upright=1.4|{{center|<p>''This world nis but a thurghfare ful of wo, <br> And we ben pilgrimes, passinge to and fro.''</p>This world is but a throughfare full of woe,<br />And we be pilgrims, passing to and fro.}}]] '''''[[w:The Canterbury Tales|The Canterbury Tales]]''''' ([[w:Middle English|Middle English]]: ''Tales of Caunterbury'') is a collection of 24 stories written in Middle English by [[Geoffrey Chaucer]] between 1387 and 1400. The book presents the tales, which are mostly written in [[w:verse (poetry)|verse]], as part of a fictional storytelling contest held by a group of [[pilgrim]]s travelling together from [[London]] to [[Canterbury]] to visit the shrine of Saint [[Thomas Becket]] at [[Canterbury Cathedral]]. :<small>'''[[Walter William Skeat|W. W. Skeat]] (ed.) ''The Complete Works of Geoffrey Chaucer'', 2nd ed. (1900), vols. [https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/45027 3], [https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/22120 4], [https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/43016 5]'''</small> == Quotes == === [[w:General Prologue|General Prologue]] === [[File:HengwrtChaucerOpening.jpg|thumb|<p>''Whan that Aprill, with his shoures soote<br />The droghte of March hath perced to the roote.''</p>When that April with his showers sweet<br />The drought of March has pierced to the root.]] [[File:Hengwrt Chaucer (f.2.r) title page.jpg|thumb|<p>''And smale foweles maken melodye,<br />That slepen al the nyght with open yë<br />(So priketh hem Nature in hir corages);<br />Thanne longen folk to goon on pilgrimages.''</p>And small fowls make melody,<br />That sleep all the night with open eye<br />(So pricks them nature in their courages);<br />Then long folk to go on pilgrimages.]] * Whan that Aprille with his shoures sote <br> The droghte of Marche hath perced to the rote, <br> And bathed every veyne in swich licour, <br> Of which vertu engendred is the flour; <br> Whan Zephirus eek with his swete breeth <br> Inspired hath in every holt and heeth <br> The tendre croppes, and the yonge sonne <br> Hath in the Ram his halfe cours y-ronne, <br> And smale fowles maken melodye, <br> That slepen al the night with open yë, <br> (So priketh hem nature in hir corages): <br> Than longen folk to goon on pilgrimages. ** l. 1 * And specially, from every shires ende <br> Of Engelond, to Caunterbury they wende, <br> The holy blisful martir for to seke, <br> That hem hath holpen, whan that they were seke. ** l. 15 * Bifel that, in that seson on a day, <br> In Southwerk at the Tabard as I lay <br> Redy to wenden on my pilgrimage <br> To Caunterbury with ful devout corage, <br> At night was come in-to that hostelrye <br> Wel nyne and twenty in a companye. ** l. 19 * A {{smallcaps|Knight}} ther was, and that a worthy man, <br> That fro the tyme that he first bigan <br> To ryden out, '''he loved chivalrye, <br> Trouthe and honour, fredom and curteisye.''' <br> Ful worthy was he in his lordes werre, <br> And therto hadde he riden (no man ferre) <br> As wel in Cristendom as hethenesse, <br> And ever honoured for his worthinesse. ** l. 43 [[File:The Knight - Ellesmere Chaucer.jpg|thumb|<p>''And of his port as meeke as is a mayde.''</p>And of his port as meek as is a maid.]] * And of his port as meke as is a mayde. ** l. 69 [[File:Chaucer knight.jpg|thumb|<p>''He was a verray, parfit gentil knyght.''</p> He was a very perfect, gentle knight.]] * He was a verray parfit gentil knight. ** l. 72 * With him ther was his sone, a yong {{smallcaps|Squyer}}, <br> A lovyere, and a lusty bacheler, <br> With lokkes crulle, as they were leyd in presse. <br> Of twenty yeer of age he was, I gesse. <br> Of his stature he was of evene lengthe, <br> And wonderly deliver, and greet of strengthe. ** l. 79 * And born him wel, as of so litel space, <br> In hope to stonden in his lady grace. <br> Embrouded was he, as it were a mede <br> Al ful of fresshe floures, whyte and rede. <br> Singinge he was, or floytinge, al the day; <br> '''He was as fresh as is the month of May.''' ** l. 87 * Short was his goune, with sleves longe and wyde. <br> Wel coude he sitte on hors, and faire ryde. ** l. 93 [[File:The Squire - Ellesmere Chaucer.jpg|thumb|<p>''He koude songes make, and wel endite.''</p>He could songs make and well indite.]] * He coude songes make and wel endyte. ** l. 95 [[File:A medieval feast, France, 1290-1300; Add MS 28162, f. 10v (detail 1).webp|thumb|<p>''Curteys he was, lowly, and servisable, <br> And carf biforn his fader at the table.''</p>Courteous he was, lowly and serviceable,<br />And carved before his father at the table.]] * Curteys he was, lowly, and servisable, <br> And carf biforn his fader at the table. ** l. 99 * A {{smallcaps|Yeman}} hadde he, and servaunts namo <br> At that tyme, for him liste ryde so; <br> And he was clad in cote and hood of grene. ** l. 101 * Ther was also a Nonne, a {{smallcaps|Prioresse}}, <br> That of hir smyling was ful simple and coy; <br> '''Hir gretteste ooth was but by sëynt Loy'''; <br> And she was cleped madame Eglentyne. ** l. 120 [[File:The Prioress - Ellesmere Chaucer.jpg|thumb|<p>''Ful weel she soong the service dyvyne,<br />Entuned in hir nose ful semely,<br />And Frenssh she spak ful faire and fetisly,<br />After the scole of Stratford-atte-Bowe,<br />For Frenssh of Parys was to hir unknowe.''</p>Full well she sang the service divine,<br />Entuned in her nose full seemly,<br />And French she spoke full fair and featously,<br />After the school of Stratford-at-the-Bow,<br />For French of Paris was to her unknown.]] * Ful wel she song the service divyne, <br> Entuned in hir nose ful semely; <br> And Frensh she spak ful faire and fetisly, <br> After the scole of Stratford atte Bowe, <br> For Frensh of Paris was to hir unknowe. ** l. 122 * <!--At mete wel y-taught was she with-alle;-->She leet no morsel from hir lippes falle, <br> Ne wette hir fingres in hir sauce depe. <br> Wel coude she carie a morsel, and wel kepe, <br> That no drope ne fille up-on hir brest. <br> In curteisye was set ful muche hir lest. ** l. 128 * She was so charitable and so pitous, <br> She wolde wepe, if that she sawe a mous <br> Caught in a trappe, if it were deed or bledde. ** l. 143 * Of smale houndes had she, that she fedde <br> With rosted flesh, or milk and wastel-breed. <br> But sore weep she if oon of hem were deed, <br> Or if men smoot it with a yerde smerte: <br> And al was conscience and tendre herte. ** l. 146 * Of smal coral aboute hir arm she bar <br> A peire of bedes, gauded al with grene; <br> And ther-on heng a broche of gold ful shene, <br> On which ther was first write a crowned A, <br> And after, ''Amor vincit omnia''. ** l. 158 **:<small>Cf. Virgil, ''[[Eclogues#Book 10|Eclogues]]'', [[w:Eclogue 10|x]], l. 69</small> * A {{smallcaps|Monk}} ther was, a fair for the maistrye, <br> An out-rydere, that lovede venerye; <br> '''A manly man''', to been an abbot able. ** l. 165 * And, whan he rood, men mighte his brydel here <br> Ginglen in a whistling wind as clere, <br> And eek as loude as dooth the chapel-belle. ** l. 169 * He yaf nat of that text a pulled hen, <br> That seith, that hunters been nat holy men. ** l. 177 * His palfrey was as broun as is a berye. ** l. 207 * A {{smallcaps|Frere}} ther was, a wantown and a merye, <br> A limitour, a ful solempne man. <br> In alle the ordres foure is noon that can <br> So muche of daliaunce and fair langage. <br> He hadde maad ful many a mariage <br> Of yonge wommen, at his owne cost. <br> Un-to his ordre he was a noble post. ** l. 208 * He knew the tavernes wel in every toun. ** l. 240 * He was the beste beggere in his hous. ** l. 252 * Somwhat he lipsed, for his wantownesse, <br> To make his English swete up-on his tonge. ** l. 264 * A {{smallcaps|Marchant}} was ther with a forked berd, <br> In mottelee, and hye on horse he sat, <br> Up-on his heed a Flaundrish bever hat; <br> His botes clasped faire and fetisly. <br> His resons he spak ful solempnely. ** l. 272 [[File:The Clerk of Oxford from the “Ellesmere Chaucer” (Huntington Library, San Marino).jpg|thumb|<p>''A Clerk ther was of Oxenforde also.''</p>A clerk there was of Oxford also.]] * '''A {{smallcaps|Clerk}} ther was of Oxenford also,''' <br> That un-to logik hadde longe y-go. <br> As lene was his hors as is a rake, <br> And he nas nat right fat, I undertake; <br> But loked holwe, and ther-to soberly. ** l. 287 [[File:Chaucer-canterburytales-clerk.jpg|thumb|<p>''For hym was levere have at his beddes heed<br />Twenty bookes, clad in blak or reed,<br />Of Aristotle and his philosophie,<br />Than robes riche, or fithele, or gay sautrie.<br />But al be that he was a philosophre,<br />Yet hadde he but litel gold in cofre.''</p>For him was lever have at his bed's head<br />Twenty books, clad in black or red,<br />Of Aristotle, and his philosophy,<br />Than robes rich, or fiddle, or gay psaltery.<br />But albe that he was a philosopher,<br />Yet had he but little gold in coffer.]] * For him was lever have at his beddes heed <br> Twenty bokes, clad in blak or reed, <br> Of Aristotle and his philosophye, <br> Than robes riche, or fithele, or gay sautrye. <br> But al be that he was a philosophre, <br> Yet hadde he but litel gold in cofre. ** l. 295 [[File:The Clerk from Chaucer's Canterbury Tales.jpg|thumb|<p>''And gladly wolde he lerne, and gladly teche.''</p>And gladly would he learn, and gladly teach.]] * Of studie took he most cure and most hede. <br> Noght o word spak he more than was nede, <br> And that was seyd in forme and reverence, <br> And short and quik, and ful of hy sentence. <br> Souninge in moral vertu was his speche, <br> '''And gladly wolde he lerne, and gladly teche.''' ** l. 305 * A {{smallcaps|Sergeant of the Lawe}}, war and wys, <br> That often hadde been at the parvys, <br> Ther was also, ful riche of excellence. ** l. 311<!--309--> [[File:The Man of Law from the EllsMan of Law from the “Ellesmere Chaucer” (Huntington Library, San Marino).jpg|thumb|<p>''Nowher so bisy a man as he ther nas,<br />And yet he semed bisier than he was.''</p>Nowhere so busy a man as he there was,<br />And yet he seemed busier than he was.]] * No-wher so bisy a man as he ther nas, <br> And yet he semed bisier than he was. ** l. 323<!--321--> * A {{smallcaps|Frankeleyn}} was in his companye; <br> Whyt was his berd, as is the dayesye. <br> Of his complexioun he was sangwyn. <br> Wel loved he by the morwe a sop in wyn. ** l. 333<!--331--> * To liven in delyt was ever his wone, <br> For he was [[Epicurus]] owne sone. ** l. 337<!--335--> **:<small>Cf. [[Horace]], ''Epistles'', Bk. I, ep. iv, [[w:Epicuri de grege porcum|l. 16]]</small> * It snewed in his hous of mete and drinke. ** l. 347<!--345--> * An {{smallcaps|Haberdassher}} and a {{smallcaps|Carpenter}}, <br> A {{smallcaps|Webbe}}, a {{smallcaps|Dyere}}, and a {{smallcaps|Tapicer}}, <br> Were with us eek, clothed in o liveree, <br> Of a solempne and greet fraternitee. ** l. 363<!--361--> * A {{smallcaps|Cook}} they hadde with hem for the nones, <br> To boille the chiknes with the mary-bones. ** l. 381<!--379--> * A {{smallcaps|Shipman}} was ther, woning fer by weste: <br> For aught I woot, he was of Dertemouthe. ** l. 390<!--388--> * And, certeinly, he was a good felawe. ** l. 397<!--395--> * Of nyce conscience took he no keep. <br> If that he faught, and hadde the hyer hond, <br> By water he sente hem hoom to every lond. ** l. 400<!--398--> * With us ther was a {{smallcaps|Doctour of Phisyk}}, <br> In al this world ne was ther noon him lyk <br> To speke of phisik and of surgerye; <br> For he was grounded in astronomye. ** l. 413<!--411--> [[File:The Physician - Ellesmere Chaucer.jpg|thumb|<p>''His studie was but litel on the Bible.''</p>His study was but little on the Bible.</p>]] * His studie was but litel on the Bible. ** l. 440<!--438--> [[File:Physician examining urine. Wellcome M0018403.jpg|thumb|<p>''For gold in phisik is a cordial,<br />Therfore he lovede gold in special.''</p>For gold in physic is a cordial;<br />Therefore he loved gold in special.]] * He kepte that he wan in pestilence. <br> For gold in phisik is a cordial, <br> Therfore he lovede gold in special. ** l. 444<!--442--> * A good {{smallcaps|Wyf}} was ther of bisyde {{smallcaps|Bathe}}, <br> But she was som-del deef, and that was scathe. <br> Of clooth-making she hadde swiche an haunt, <br> She passed hem of Ypres and of Gaunt. ** l. 447<!--445--> * Hir coverchiefs ful fyne were of ground; <br> I dorste swere they weyeden ten pound <br> That on a Sonday were upon hir heed. <br> Hir hosen weren of fyn scarlet reed, <br> Ful streite y-teyd, and shoos ful moiste and newe. <br> Bold was hir face, and fair, and reed of hewe. ** l. 455<!--453--> * She was a worthy womman al hir lyve, <br> Housbondes at chirche-dore she hadde fyve, <br> Withouten other companye in youthe; <br> But therof nedeth nat to speke as nouthe. ** l. 461<!--459--> * And thryes hadde she been at Jerusalem<!--'Ierusalem'-->; <br> She hadde passed many a straunge streem; <br> At Rome she hadde been, and at Boloigne, <br> In Galice at seint Jame<!--'Iame'-->, and at Coloigne. ** l. 465<!--463--> * A good man was ther of religioun, <br> And was a povre {{smallcaps|Persoun}} of a toun; <br> But riche he was of holy thoght and werk. <br> He was also a lerned man, a clerk, <br> That Cristes gospel trewely wolde preche; <br> His parisshens devoutly wolde he teche. ** l. 480<!--477--> [[File:The Parson - Ellesmere Chaucer.jpg|thumb|<p>''Wyd was his parisshe, and houses fer a-sonder.''</p>Wide was his parish, and houses far asunder.]] * Wyd was his parisshe, and houses fer a-sonder. ** l. 493<!--491--> [[File:The Poor Parson.png|thumb|<p>''This noble ensample to his sheep he yaf,<br />That first he wroghte, and afterward he taughte.''</p>This noble example to his sheep he gave,<br />That first he wrought, and afterward he taught.</p><br />. . . . . .<br /><p>''But Cristes lore, and his apostles twelve,<br />He taughte, and first he folwed it him-selve.''</p>But Christ's lore, and his apostles twelve,<br />He taught, but first he followed it himself.</p>]] * This noble ensample to his sheep he yaf, <br> That first he wroghte, and afterward he taughte. ** l. 498<!--496--> * Out of the gospel he tho wordes caughte; <br> And this figure he added eek ther-to, <br> That '''if gold ruste, what shal iren do?''' <br> For if a preest be foul, on whom we truste, <br> No wonder is a lewed man to ruste. ** l. 500<!--498--> * A bettre preest, I trowe that nowher noon is. <br> He wayted after no pompe and reverence, <br> Ne maked him a spyced conscience, <br> '''But Cristes lore, and his apostles twelve, <br> He taughte, and<!--or "but"--> first he folwed it him-selve.''' ** l. 526<!--524--> * With him ther was a {{smallcaps|Plowman}}, was his brother, <br> That hadde y-lad of dong ful many a fother. ** l. 531<!--529--> * The {{smallcaps|Miller}} was a stout carl, for the nones, <br> Ful big he was of braun, and eek of bones. ** l. 547<!--545--> * His berd as any sowe or fox was reed, <br> And ther-to brood, as though it were a spade. <br> Up-on the cop right of his nose he hade <br> A werte, and ther-on stood a tuft of heres, <br> Reed as the bristles of a sowes eres. ** l. 554<!--552--> * His nose-thirles blake were and wyde. <br> A swerd and bokeler bar he by his syde; <br> His mouth as greet was as a greet forneys. <br> He was a janglere<!--'Ianglere'--> and a goliardeys, <br> And that was most of sinne and harlotryes. ** l. 559<!--557--> [[File:Canterbury Tales - The Miller - f. 34v detail - Robin with the Bagpype - early 1400s Chaucer.png|thumb|<p>''And yet he hadde a thombe of gold, pardee.''</p>And yet he had a thumb of gold, pardie.]] * And yet he hadde a thombe of gold, pardee. ** l. 565<!--563--> **:<small>Cf. [[John Ray|Ray]], ''Proverbs'' (ed. 1768), p. 136: "An honest miller has a golden thumb."</small> * A gentil {{smallcaps|Maunciple}} was ther of a temple, <br> Of which achatours mighte take exemple <br> For to be wyse in bying of vitaille. ** l. 569<!--567--> * The {{smallcaps|Reve}} was a sclendre colerik man, <br> His berd was shave as ny as ever he can. ** l. 589<!--587--> * A {{smallcaps|Somnour}} was ther with us in that place, <br> That hadde a fyr-reed cherubinnes face, <br> For sawcefleem he was, with eyen narwe. <br> As hoot he was, and lecherous, as a sparwe. ** l. 625<!--623--> * Wel loved he garleek, oynons, and eek lekes, <br> And for to drinken strong wyn, reed as blood. ** l. 636<!--634--> * And whan that he wel dronken hadde the wyn, <br> Than wolde he speke no word but Latyn. ** l. 640<!--637--> * With him ther rood a gentil {{smallcaps|Pardoner}} <br> Of Rouncival, his freend and his compeer, <br> That streight was comen fro the court of Rome. <br> Ful loude he song, ‘Com hider, love, to me.’ ** l. 671<!--669--> * This pardoner hadde heer as yelow as wex, <br> But smothe it heng, as dooth a strike of flex. ** l. 677<!--675--> * His walet lay biforn him in his lappe, <br> Bret-ful of pardoun come from Rome al hoot. ** l. 688<!--686--> * '''He hadde a croys of latoun, ful of stones, <br> And in a glas he hadde pigges bones.''' <br> But with thise relikes, whan that he fond <br> A povre person dwelling up-on lond, <br> Up-on a day he gat him more moneye <br> Than that the person gat in monthes tweye. <br> And thus, with feyned flaterye and japes<!--'Iapes'-->, <br> He made the person and the peple his apes. ** l. 701<!--699--> [[File:Ellesmere Chaucer, mssEL 26 C 9, folio 153v, warmer image.jpg|thumb|<p>''Who-so shal telle a tale after a man,<br />He moot reherce, as ny as ever he can,<br />Everich a word, if it be in his charge,<br />Al speke he never so rudeliche and large;<br />Or elles he moot telle his tale untrewe,<br />Or feyne thing, or finde wordes newe.''</p>Whoso shall tell a tale after a man,<br />He must rehearse, as nigh as ever he can,<br />Every word, if it be in his charge,<br />All speak he never so rudely and large;<br />Or else he must tell his tale untrue,<br />Or feign things, or find words new.]] * Who-so shal telle a tale after a man, <br> He moot reherce, as ny as ever he can, <br> Everich a word, if it be in his charge, <br> Al speke he never so rudeliche and large; <br> Or elles he moot telle his tale untrewe, <br> Or feyne thing, or finde wordes newe. ** l. 733<!--731--> **:<small>He who repeats a tale after a man, <br> Is bound to say, as nearly as he can, <br> Each single word, if he remembers it, <br> However rudely spoken or unfit, <br> Or else the tale he tells will be untrue, <br> The things invented and the phrases new. <br> (trans. Nevill Coghill)</small> * This is the poynt, to speken short and pleyn, <br> That ech of yow, to shorte with your weye, <br> In this viage, shal telle tales tweye, <br> To Caunterbury-ward, I mene it so, <br> And hom-ward he shal tellen othere two, <br> Of aventures that whylom han bifalle. ** l. 792<!--790--> </br> === [[w:The Knight's Tale|The Knight's Tale]] === [[File:Emilia in Her Garden (1468), unknown artist, from an edition of Boccaccio's Teseida.jpg|thumb|<p>''For May wol have no slogardye a-night.''</p>For May will have no sluggardy a-night.]] * For May wol have no slogardye a-night. <br> The sesoun priketh every gentil herte, <br> And maketh him out of his sleep to sterte. ** l. 184<!--1042--> **:<small>Cf. [[Robert Herrick|Herrick]], [[s:The Hesperides & Noble Numbers/Hesperides/Corinna's Going a-Maying|"Corinna's Going a-Maying"]], l. 5: "Get up, sweet slug-a-bed."</small> * Wostow nat wel the olde clerkes sawe, <br> That ‘who shal yeve a lover any lawe?’ <br> Love is a gretter lawe, by my pan, <br> Than may be yeve to any erthly man. ** l. 305<!--1163--> * And therfore, at the kinges court, my brother, <br> Ech man for him-self, ther is non other. ** l. 323<!--1181--> * And whan a beest is deed, he hath no peyne; <br> But man after his deeth moot wepe and pleyne. ** l. 461<!--1319--> * The bisy larke, messager of day. ** l. 633<!--1491--> * May, with alle thy floures and thy grene, <br> Wel-come be thou, faire fresshe May. ** l. 652<!--1511--> * That ‘feeld hath eyen, and the wode hath eres.’ ** l. 664<!--1524--> **:<small>Cf. [[English proverbs|Proverb]], with Latin version (MS. Trin. Coll. Cam. O. 2. 45): ''Veld haueð hege, and wude haueð heare.'' / ''Campus habet lumen, et habet nemus auris acumen.'' German ([[Ida von Reinsberg-Düringsfeld|Ida von Düringsfeld]], ''Sprichwörter'', vol. i. no. 453): ''Das Feld hat Augen, der Wald hat Ohren.'' French ([[w:Randle Cotgrave|Cotgrave]], ''Dictionarie'', s.v. ''Oeillet''): ''Bois ont oreilles, & champs oeiletts.'' </small> * Now up, now doun, as boket in a welle. ** l. 675<!--1533--> * For pitee renneth sone in gentil herte. ** l. 903<!--1761--> * The statue of Venus, glorious for to see, <br> Was naked fleting in the large see, <br> And fro the navele doun all covered was <br> With wawes grene, and brighte as any glas. <br> A citole in hir right hand hadde she, <br> And on hir heed, ful semely for to see, <br> A rose gerland, fresh and wel smellinge; <br> Above hir heed hir dowves flikeringe. ** l. 1097<!--1955--> **:<small>Her statue, glorious in majesty, <br> Stood naked, floating on a vasty sea, <br> And from the navel down there were a mass <br> Of green and glittering waves as bright as glass. <br> In her right hand a cithern carried she <br> And on her head, most beautiful to see, <br> A garland of fresh roses, while above <br> There circles round her many a flickering dove. <br> (trans. Nevill Coghill)</small> * <!--Biforn hir stood hir sone--> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Cupido, <br> Up-on his shuldres winges hadde he two; <br> And blind he was, as it is ofte sene; <br> A bowe he bar and arwes brighte and kene. ** l. 1105<!--1963--> * With-inne the temple of mighty Mars the rede, <br> All peinted was the wall in length and brede, <br> Like to the estres of the grisly place <br> That highte the gret temple of Mars in Trace: <br> In thilke colde and frosty region, <br> Ther as Mars hath his sovereine mansion. ** l. 1111<!--1969--> **:<small>But in the dome of mighty Mars the red, <br> With different figures all the sides were spread; <br> This temple, less in form, with equal grace, <br> Was imitative of the first in Thrace; <br> For that cold region was the loved abode, <br> And sovereign mansion of the warrior god. <br> (trans. Dryden)</small> * Ther saugh I first the derke imagining <br> Of felonye, and al the compassing. ** l. 1137<!--1995--> **:<small>There saw I how the secret felon wrought, <br> And treason labouring in the traitor's thought, <br> And midwife Time the ripened plot to murders brought. <br> (trans. Dryden)</small> * The smyler with the knyf under the cloke. ** l. 1141<!--1999--> **:<small>Next stood Hypocrisy, with holy leer; <br> Soft smiling, and demurely looking down, <br> But hid the dagger underneath the gown. <br> (trans. Dryden)</small> * The careyne in the bush, with throte y-corve: <br> A thousand slayn, and nat of qualm y-storve; <br> The tiraunt, with the prey by force y-raft; <br> The toun destroyed, ther was no-thing laft. <br> Yet saugh I brent the shippes hoppesteres; <br> The hunte strangled with the wilde beres: <br> The sowe freten the child right in the cradel; <br> The cook y-scalded, for al his longe ladel. ** l. 1155<!--2013--> **:<small>There was the murdered corpse in covert laid, <br> And violent death in thousand shapes displayed; <br> The city to the soldier's rage resigned; <br> Successless wars, and poverty behind: <br> Ships burnt in fight, or forced on rocky shores, <br> And the rash hunter strangled by the boars; <br> The new-born babe by nurses overlaid; <br> And the cook caught within the raging fire he made. <br> (trans. Dryden)</small> * And al above, depeynted in a tour, <br> Saw I conquest sittinge in greet honour, <br> With the sharpe swerde over his heed <br> Hanginge by a sotil twynes threed. ** l. 1169<!--2028--> **:<small>And high above, depicted in a tower, <br> Sat Conquest, robed in majesty and power, <br> Under a sword that swung above his head, <br> Sharp-edged and hanging by a subtle thread. <br> (trans. Nevill Coghill)</small> * This goddesse on an hert ful hye seet, <br> With smale houndes al aboute hir feet; <br> And undernethe hir feet she hadde a mone, <br> Wexing it was, and sholde wanie sone. <br> In gaude grene hir statue clothed was, <br> With bowe in honde, and arwes in a cas. <br> Hir eyen caste she ful lowe adoun, <br> Ther Pluto hath his derke regioun. ** l. 1217<!--2075--> **:<small>High on a stag the Goddess held her seat, <br> And there were little hounds about her feet; <br> Below her feet there was a sickle moon, <br> Waxing it seemed, but would be waning soon. <br> Her statue bore a mantle of bright green, <br> Her hand a bow with arrows cased and keen; <br> Her eyes were lowered, gazing as she rode <br> Down to where Pluto has his dark abode. <br> (trans. Nevill Coghill)</small> * Ther nis no newe gyse, that it nas old. ** l. 1267<!--2125--> * Up roos the sonne, and up roos Emelye. ** l. 1415<!--2275--> * Myn be the travaille, and thyn be the glorie! ** l. 1548<!--2408--> * And she was al his chere, as in his herte. ** l. 1825<!--2683--> * What is this world? what asketh men to have? <br> Now with his love, now in his colde grave <br> Allone, with-outen any companye. ** l. 1919<!--2777--> * ‘Right as ther deyed never man,’ quod he, <br> ‘That he ne livede in erthe in som degree, <br> Right so ther livede never man,’ he seyde, <br> ‘In al this world, that som tyme he ne deyde. <br> '''This world nis but a thurghfare ful of wo, <br> And we ben pilgrimes, passinge to and fro; <br> Deeth is an ende of every worldly sore.'''’ ** l. 1985<!--2843--> **:<small>Since every man, who lives, is born to die, <br> And none can boast sincere felicity, <br> With equal mind, what happens, let us bear, <br> Nor joy, nor grieve too much, for things beyond our care. <br> Like pilgrims, to the appointed place we tend; <br> The world's an inn, and death the journey's end. <br> (trans. Dryden)</small> * What maketh this but Jupiter<!--'Iupiter'--> the king? <br> The which is prince and cause of alle thing, <br> Converting al un-to his propre welle, <br> From which it is deryved, sooth to telle. <br> And here-agayns no creature on lyve <br> Of no degree availleth for to stryve. <br> &nbsp;&nbsp; '''Thanne is it wisdom, as it thinketh me, <br> To maken vertu of necessitee,''' <br> And take it wel, that we may nat eschue, <br> And namely that to us alle is due. ** l. 2177<!--3035--> **:<small>Cf. ''[[Troilus and Criseyde]]'', bk. IV, l. 1586</small> </br> === [[w:The Miller's Tale|The Miller's Tale]] === * Who hath no wyf, he is no cokewold. ** Prologue, l. 44<!--3152--> * This Carpenter had wedded newe a wyf <br> Which that he lovede more than his lyf. ** Tale, l. 35 * Jalous<!--'Ialous'--> he was, and heeld hir narwe in cage, <br> For she was wilde and yong, and he was old. ** Tale, l. 38 * Men sholde wedden after hir estaat, <br> For youthe and elde is often at debaat. ** Tale, l. 43<!--121 (?)--> **:<small>Cf. ''[[Distichs of Cato]]''</small> * She was a prymerole, a pigges-nye <br> For any lord to leggen in his bedde, <br> Or yet for any good yeman to wedde. ** Tale, l. 82<!--3268--> * And prively he caughte hir by the queynte. ** Tale, l. 90<!--3276--> * She was so propre and swete and likerous. <br> I dar wel seyn, if she had been a mous, <br> And he a cat, he wolde hir hente anon. ** Tale, l. 159 * And wafres, pyping hote out of the glede. ** Tale, l. 193 * And so bifel it on a Saterday, <br> This carpenter was goon til Osenay; <br> And hende Nicholas and Alisoun <br> Acorded been to this conclusioun, <br> That Nicholas shal shapen him a wyle <br> This sely jalous<!--Ialous--> housbond to bigyle. ** Tale, l. 213 * Jesu<!--'Iesu'--> Crist, and seynt Benedight, <br> Blesse this hous from every wikked wight. ** Tale, l. 297<!--3483--> * And broghte of mighty ale a large quart. ** Tale, l. 311<!--3497--> * ‘Now John,’ quod Nicholas, ‘I wol nat lye; <br> I have y-founde in myn astrologye, <br> As I have loked in the mone bright, <br> That now, a Monday next, at quarter-night, <br> Shal falle a reyn and that so wilde and wood, <br> That half so greet was never Noës flood.’ ** Tale, l. 327 * Lo! which a greet thyng is affeccioun! <br> '''Men may dye of imaginacioun''', <br> So depe may impressioun be take. ** Tale, l. 425<!--3611--> * Whan that the firste cok hath crowe, anon <br> Up rist this joly<!--'Ioly'--> lover Absolon, <br> And him arrayeth gay, at point-devys. <br> But first he cheweth greyn and lycorys, <br> To smellen swete, er he had kembd his heer. ** Tale, l. 501 * &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I have swich love-longinge, <br> That lyk a turtel trewe is my moorninge; <br> I may nat ete na more than a mayde. ** Tale, l. 519 * Derk was the night as pich, or as the cole, <br> And at the window out she putte hir hole, <br> And Absolon, him fil no bet ne wers, <br> But with his mouth he kiste hir naked ers <br> Ful savourly, er he was war of this. <br> &nbsp;&nbsp; Abak he sterte, and thoghte it was amis, <br> For wel he wiste a womman hath no berd; <br> He felte a thing al rough and long y-herd, <br> And seyde, ‘fy! allas! what have I do?’ <br> &nbsp;&nbsp; ‘Tehee!’ quod she, and clapte the window to; <br> And Absolon goth forth a sory pas. <br> &nbsp;&nbsp; ‘A berd, a berd!’ quod hende Nicholas, <br> ‘By goddes ''corpus'', this goth faire and weel!’ ** Tale, l. 545<!--3730--> * This Nicholas was risen for to pisse, <br> And thoghte he wolde amenden al the jape<!--'Iape'-->, <br> He sholde kisse his ers er that he scape. <br> And up the windowe dide he hastily, <br> And out his ers he putteth prively <br> Over the buttok, to the haunche-bon; <br> And ther-with spak this clerk, this Absolon, <br> ‘Spek, swete brid, I noot nat wher thou art.’ <br> &nbsp;&nbsp; '''This Nicholas anon leet flee a fart, <br> As greet as it had been a thonder-dent''', <br> That with the strook he was almost y-blent; <br> And he was redy with his iren hoot, <br> And Nicholas amidde the ers he smoot. ** Tale, l. 612 </br> === [[w:The Reeve's Tale|The Reeve's Tale]] === * Yet in our asshen olde is fyr y-reke. ** Prologue, l. 28<!--3880/3882--> * The gretteste clerkes been noght the wysest men. ** Tale, l. 134 * Thurgh thikke and thurgh thenne. ** Tale, l. 146<!--4066--> **:<small>Cf. Du Bartas, [[Guillaume de Salluste Du Bartas#La Seconde Semaine (1584)|''Second Week'']], Fourth Day; Spenser, [[The Faerie Queene#Book III|''The Faerie Queene'']], Bk. III, Canto i, st. 17</small> * So was hir joly<!--'Ioly'--> whistle wel y-wet. ** Tale, l. 235<!--4153/4155--> </br> === [[w:The Man of Law's Tale|The Man of Law's Tale]] === * At Cristemasse merie may ye daunce! ** Prologue, l. 28<!--126--> * She is mirour of alle curteisye. ** Tale, l. 68<!--166--> **:<small>Cf. Shakespeare, ''[[Henry VIII (play)#Act II|Henry VIII]]'', act II, sc. i, l. 52</small> * For in the sterres, clerer than is glas, <br> Is writen, god wot, who-so coude it rede, <br> The deeth of every man, withouten drede. ** Tale, l. 96<!--194--> * Sathan, that ever us waiteth to bigyle. ** Tale, l. 484<!--582--> * Have ye nat seyn som tyme a pale face, <br> Among a prees, of him that hath be lad <br> Toward his deeth, wher-as him gat no grace, <br> And swich a colour in his face hath had, <br> Men mighte knowe his face, that was bistad, <br> Amonges alle the faces in that route. ** Tale, l. 547<!--645--> </br> === [[w:Sir Thopas|Sir Thopas]] === * Thou lokest as thou woldest finde an hare, <br> For ever up-on the ground I see thee stare. ** Prologue, l. 6<!--696; 1886--> * He hadde a semely nose. ** Tale, l. 18<!--729; 1919--> </br> === [[w:The Tale of Melibee|The Tale of Melibee]] === * This may wel be rym dogerel. ** Prologue, l. 7<!--2115; some editions put this in "Sir Thopas"--> * ‘By god,’ quod he, ‘for pleynly, at a word, <br> Thy drasty ryming is nat worth a tord. ** Prologue, l. 11<!--2119; some editions put this in "Sir Thopas"--> * What is bettre than gold? Jaspre<!--'Iaspre'-->. <br> What is bettre than jaspre<!--'Iaspre'-->? Wisdom. <br> And what is bettre than wisdom? Womman. <br> And what is bettre than a good womman? No-thing. ** Tale, § 15<!--l. 1107--> </br> === [[w:The Nun's Priest's Tale|The Nun's Priest's Tale]] === * Your tale anoyeth al this companye; <br> Swich talking is nat worth a boterflye. ** Prologue, l. 23<!--3979--> * A povre widwe, somdel stope in age, <br> Was whylom dwelling in a narwe cotage, <br> Bisyde a grove, stonding in a dale. ** Tale, l. 1 * <!--A yerd she hadde, enclosed al aboute / With stikkes, and a drye dich with-oute, /In which--> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; She hadde a cok, hight Chauntecleer, <br> In al the land of crowing nas his peer. <br> His vois was merier than the mery orgon <br> On messe-dayes that in the chirche gon; <br> Wel sikerer was his crowing in his logge, <br> Than is a clokke, or an abbey [[wikt:horloge|orlogge]]. ** Tale, l. 29 * His comb was redder than the fyn coral, <br> And batailed, as it were a castel-wal. <br> His bile was blak, and as the jeet<!--'Ieet'--> it shoon; <br> Lyk asur were his legges, and his toon; <br> His nayles whytter than the lilie flour, <br> And lyk the burned gold was his colour. <br> This gentil cok hadde in his governaunce <br> Sevene hennes, for to doon al his plesaunce, <br> Whiche were his sustres and his paramours, <br> And wonder lyk to him, as of colours. <br> Of whiche the faireste hewed on hir throte <br> Was cleped faire damoysele Pertelote. ** Tale, l. 39<!--2859; 4050--> **:<small>Cf. [[Anonymous|Anon.]], "I Have a Gentle [[Rooster|Cock]]"</small> * We alle desyren, if it mighte be, <br> To han housbondes hardy, wyse, and free, <br> And secree, and no nigard, ne no fool, <br> Ne him that is agast of every tool, <br> Ne noon avauntour, by that god above! ** Tale, l. 93 * Certes this dreem, which ye han met to-night, <br> Cometh of the grete superfluitee <br> Of youre rede ''colera''. ** Tale, l. 106 * Right as the humour of malencolye <br> Causeth ful many a man, in sleep, to crye, <br> For fere of blake beres, or boles blake, <br> Or elles, blake develes wole hem take. ** Tale, l. 113 * O blisful god, that art so just<!--'Iust'--> and trewe! <br> Lo, how that thou biwreyest mordre alway! <br> '''Mordre wol out, that see we day by day.'''<!--'Murder will out, this my conclusion.'--> <br> Mordre is so wlatsom and abhominable. ** Tale, l. 230 * Macrobeus, that writ the avisioun <br> In Affrike of the worthy Cipioun, <br> Affermeth dremes, and seith that they been <br> Warning of thinges that men after seen. ** Tale, l. 303 * Reed eek of Joseph<!--'Ioseph'-->, and ther shul ye see <br> Wher dremes ben somtyme (I sey nat alle) <br> Warning of thinges that shul after falle. ** Tale, l. 310 * Who-so wol seken actes of sondry remes, <br> May rede of dremes many a wonder thing. ** Tale, l. 316 * For whan I see the beautee of your face, <br> Ye ben so scarlet-reed about your yën, <br> It maketh al my drede for to dyen. ** Tale, l. 340 * '''Womman is mannes joye<!--'Ioye'--> and al his blis.''' <br> For whan I fele a-night your softe syde, <br> Al-be-it that I may nat on you ryde, <br> For that our perche is maad so narwe, alas! <br> I am so ful of joye<!--'Ioye'--> and of solas <br> That I defye bothe sweven and dreem. ** Tale, l. 346 **:<small>Cf. [[Robert Mannyng]], ''Handlyng Synne'', l. 1907</small> * Whan that<!--Some anthologies elide these words: &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;--> the month in which the world bigan, <br> That highte March, whan god first maked man. ** Tale, l. 367<!--3187; 4377--> * ‘Madame Pertelote, my worldes blis, <br> Herkneth thise blisful briddes how they singe, <br> And see the fresshe floures how they springe; <br> Ful is myn herte of revel and solas.’ <br> But sodeinly him fil a sorweful cas; <br> For ever the latter ende of joye<!--'Ioye'--> is wo. ** Tale, l. 380 * My tale is of a cok, as ye may here, <br> That took his counseil of his wyf, with sorwe, <br> To walken in the yerd upon that morwe <br> That he had met the dreem, that I yow tolde. <br> Wommennes counseils been ful ofte colde. ** Tale, l. 432 * Allas! ye lordes, many a fals flatour <br> Is in your courtes, and many a losengeour, <br> That plesen yow wel more, by my feith, <br> Than he that soothfastnesse unto yow seith. <br> Redeth Ecclesiaste of flaterye; <br> Beth war, ye lordes, of hir trecherye. ** Tale, l. 505 * Daun Russel the fox sterte up at ones. ** Tale, l. 514<!--4524--> * And on a Friday fil al this meschaunce. ** Tale, l. 521<!--3341; 4531--> * They yelleden as feendes doon in helle; <br> The dokes cryden as men wolde hem quelle; <br> The gees for fere flowen over the trees; <br> Out of the hyve cam the swarm of bees. ** Tale, l. 569 * Certes, he Jakke<!--'Iakke'--> Straw, and his meynee, <br> Ne made never shoutes half so shrille, <br> Whan that they wolden any Fleming kille, <br> As thilke day was maad upon the fox. ** Tale, l. 574 * But ye that holden this tale a folye, <br> As of a fox, or of a cok and hen, <br> Taketh the moralitee, good men. <br> For seint Paul seith, that al that writen is, <br> To our doctryne it is y-write, y-wis. <br> '''Taketh the fruyt, and lat the chaf be stille.''' ** Tale, l. 618<!--672--> **:<small>Yet do not miss the moral, my good men. <br> For Saint Paul says that all that’s written well <br> Is written down some useful truth to tell. <br> Then take the wheat and let the chaff lie still. <br> (trans. J. U. Nicolson)</small> </br> === [[w:The Pardoner's Tale|The Pardoner's Tale]] === * Than peyne I me to strecche forth the nekke, <br> And est and west upon the peple I bekke. ** Prologue, l. 67<!--395--> * I preche of no-thing but for coveityse. <br> Therfor my theme is yet, and ever was— <br> “''Radix malorum est cupiditas.''” ** Tale, l. 96 **:<small>Cf. [[1 Timothy]] 6:10 ([[Vulgate]])</small> * But, though my-self be gilty in that sinne, <br> Yet can I maken other folk to twinne <br> From avaryce, and sore to repente. ** Tale, l. 101 * O wombe! O bely! O stinking cod, <br> Fulfild of donge and of corrupcioun! ** Tale, l. 206<!--534--> **:<small>Cf. Hesiod, ''[[Theogony]]'', l. 26; [[Odo of Cluny]]</small> * For dronkenesse is verray sepulture <br> Of mannes wit and his discrecioun. ** Tale, l. 230<!--558--> * And thou shalt kisse the reliks everichon, <br> Ye, for a grote! unbokel anon thy purs. ** Tale, l. 615<!--943--> * Gret swering is a thing abhominable, <br> And false swering is yet more reprevable. ** Tale, l. 303<!--631--> * ‘What? carl, with sory grace.’ ** Tale, l. 389<!--717--> * And lightly as it comth, so wol we spende. ** Tale, l. 453<!--781--> </br> === [[w:The Shipman's Tale|The Shipman's Tale]] === * He wolde sowen som difficultee, <br> Or springen cokkel in our clene corn. ** Prologue, l. 20<!--1182--> </br> === [[w:The Prioress's Tale|The Prioress's Tale]] === * He can nat stinte of singing by the weye. ** Tale, l. 105<!--1747--> * Mordre wol out, certein, it wol nat faille. ** Tale, l. 124<!--1766--> </br> === [[w:The Wife of Bath's Tale|The Wife of Bath's Tale]] === * Experience, though noon auctoritee <br> Were in this world, were right y-nough to me <br> To speke of wo that is in mariage. ** Prologue, l. 1 * Housbondes at chirche-dore I have had fyve; <br> For I so ofte have y-wedded be; <br> And alle were worthy men in hir degree. ** Prologue, l. 6 * Men may devyne and glosen up and doun. <br> But wel I woot expres, with-oute lye, <br> God bad us for to wexe and multiplye; <br> That gentil text can I wel understonde. ** Prologue, l. 26 * Blessed<!--'Yblessed'--> be god that I have wedded fyve! <br> Welcome the sixte, whan that ever he shal. <br> For sothe, I wol nat kepe me chast in al; <br> Whan myn housbond is fro the world y-gon, <br>Som Cristen man shal wedde me anon. ** Prologue, l. 44 * &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Th'Apostle<!--'thapostle'--> seith, that I am free <br> To wedde, a goddes half, wher it lyketh me. <br> He seith that to be wedded is no sinne; <br> Bet is to be wedded than to brinne. ** Prologue, l. 49 * Whan saugh ye ever, in any maner age, <br> That hye God<!--'god'--> defended mariage <br> By expres word? I pray you, telleth me; <br> Or wher comanded he virginitee? ** Prologue, l. 59 * Men may conseille a womman to been oon, <br> But conseilling is no comandement; <br> He putte it in our owene jugement<!--'Iugement'-->. <br> For hadde god comanded maydenhede, <br> Thanne hadde he dampned wedding with the dede. ** Prologue, l. 66 * And certes, if ther were no seed y-sowe, <br> Virginitee, wher-of than sholde it growe? ** Prologue, l. 71 * Hem lyketh to be clene, body and goost, <br> Of myn estaat I nil nat make no boost. <br> For wel ye knowe, '''a lord in his houshold, <br> He hath nat every vessel al of gold; <br> Somme been of tree, and doon hir lord servyse.''' <br> God clepeth folk to him in sondry wyse, <br> And everich hath of god a propre yifte, <br> Som this, som that,—as him lyketh shifte. ** Prologue, l. 97 **:<small>Purity in body and heart <br> May please some — as for me, I make no boast. <br> For, as you know, no master of a household <br> Has all of his utensils made of gold; <br> Some are wood, and yet they are of use. <br> (trans. David Wright)</small> * Virginitee is greet perfeccioun, <br> And continence eek with devocioun. <br> But Crist, that of perfeccioun is welle, <br> Bad nat every wight he shold go selle <br> All that he hadde, and give it to the pore, <br> And in swich wyse folwe hime and his fore. <br> He spak to hem that wolde live parfitly; <br> And lordinges, by your leve, that am nat I. ** Prologue, l. 105 * I wol bistowe the flour of al myn age <br> In the actes and in fruit of mariage. ** Prologue, l. 113 * So that the clerkes be nat with me wrothe, <br> I sey this, that they maked been for bothe, <br> This is to seye, for office, and for ese <br> Of engendrure, ther we nat god displese. ** Prologue, l. 125 * The bacoun was nat fet for hem, I trowe, <br> That som men han in Essex at Dunmowe. ** Prologue, l. 217 * Ye wyse wyves, that can understonde, <br> &nbsp;&nbsp; Thus shul ye speke and bere hem wrong on honde; <br> For half so boldely can ther no man <br> Swere and lyen as a womman can. ** Prologue, l. 225 * Thow seyst that dropping houses, and eek smoke, <br> And chyding wyves, maken men to flee <br> Out of hir owene hous; a! ''benedicite''! <br> What eyleth swich an old man for to chyde? ** Prologue, l. 278 * Thou lykenest wommanes love to helle, <br> To bareyne lond, ther water may not dwelle. <br> Thou lyknest it also to wilde fyr; <br> The more it brenneth, the more it hath desyr <br> To consume every thing that brent wol be. <br> Thou seyst, that right as wormes shende a tree, <br> Right so a wyf destroyeth hir housbonde; <br> This knowe they that been to wyves bonde. ** Prologue, l. 371 **:<small>Then you compared a woman's love to Hell, <br> To barren land where water will not dwell, <br> And you compared it to a quenchless fire, <br> The more it burns the more is its desire <br> To burn up everything that burnt can be. <br> You say that just as worms destroy a tree <br> A wife destroys her husband and contrives, <br> As husbands know, the ruin of their lives. <br> (trans. Nevill Coghill)</small> * I wolde no lenger in the bed abyde, <br> If that I felte his arm over my syde, <br> Til he had maad his raunson un-to me; <br> Than wolde I suffre him do his nycetee. <br> And ther-fore every man this tale I telle, <br> '''Winne who-so may, for al is for to selle.''' ** Prologue, l. 409 * '''With empty hand men may none haukes lure'''; <br> For winning wolde I al his lust endure, <br> And make me a feyned appetyt; <br> And yet in bacon hadde I never delyt. ** Prologue, l. 415 * And I was yong and ful of ragerye, <br> Stiborn and strong, and joly<!--'Ioly'--> as a [[Magpie|pye]]. <br> Wel coude I daunce to an harpe smale, <br> And singe, y-wis, as any nightingale, <br> Whan I had dronke a draughte of swete wyn. ** Prologue, l. 455 * And, after wyn, on Venus moste I thinke: <br> For al so siker as cold engendreth hayl, <br> A likerous mouth moste han a likerous tayl. ** Prologue, l. 464 * But, lord Crist! whan that it remembreth me <br> Up-on my yowthe, and on my jolitee<!--'Iolitee'-->, <br> It tikleth me aboute myn herte rote. <br> Unto this day it dooth myn herte bote <br> That I have had my world as in my tyme. ** Prologue, l. 469 * But age, allas! that al wol envenyme, <br> Hath me biraft my beautee and my pith; <br> Lat go, fare-wel, the devel go therwith! <br> The flour is goon, ther is na-more to telle, ** Prologue, l. 474 * In his owene grece I made him frye. ** Prologue, l. 487 **:<small>Cf. Shakespeare, ''[[The Merry Wives of Windsor#Act II|The Merry Wives of Windsor]]'', act II, sc. i, l. 60<!--69--></small> * By god, in erthe I was his purgatorie, <br> For which I hope his soule be in glorie. ** Prologue, l. 489 * &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; What thing we may nat lightly have, <br> Ther-after wol we crye al-day and crave. ** Prologue, l. 517 * Forbede us thing, and that desyren we; <br> Prees on us faste, and thanne wol we flee. <br> With daunger oute we al our chaffare; <br> Greet prees at market maketh dere ware, <br> And to greet cheep is holde at litel prys. ** Prologue, l. 519<!--525--> * And for to see, and eek for to be seye <br> Of lusty folk. ** Prologue, l. 552<!--6134--> **:<small>Cf. Ovid, ''[[Ars Amatoria]]'', bk. 1, l. 99</small> * I holde a mouses herte<!--or "wit"--> nat worth a leek, <br> That hath but oon hole for to sterte to. ** Prologue, l. 572<!--6154--> **:<small>Cf. Plautus, ''[[Truculentus]]'', act IV, sc. iv, l. 15</small> * But yet I hadde alwey a coltes tooth. <br> Gat-tothed I was, and that bicam me weel; <br> I hadde the prente of sëynt Venus seel. <br> As help me god, I was a lusty oon. ** Prologue, l. 602 * &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Myne housbondes tolde me, <br> I had the beste ''quoniam'' mighte be. ** Prologue, l. 606 * Venus me yaf my lust, my likerousnesse, <br> And Mars yaf me my sturdy hardinesse. ** Prologue, l. 611 * Allas! allas! that ever love was sinne! ** Prologue, l. 614 * Of [[Eve|Eva]] first, that, for hir wikkednesse, <br> Was al mankinde broght to wrecchednesse, <br> For which that Iesu Crist him-self was slayn, <br> That boghte us with his herte-blood agayn. <br> Lo, here expres of womman may ye finde, <br> That womman was the los of al mankinde. ** Prologue, l. 715 * And ther-with-al, he knew of mo proverbes <br> Than in this world ther growen gras or herbes. ** Prologue, l. 773 **:<small>Cf. [[s:Bible (Wycliffe)/Proverbs|Proverbs]] 11:22, 21:9</small> * &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; A womman cast hir shame away, <br> Whan she cast of hir smok. ** Prologue, l. 782 * He yaf me al the brydel in myn hond <br> To han the governance of hous and lond, <br> And of his tonge and of his hond also. ** Prologue, l. 813 * <!--'And that he seyde,'--> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; “Myn owene trewe wyf, <br> Do as thee lust the terme of al thy lyf, <br> Keep thyn honour, and keep eek myn estaat”— <br> After that day we hadden never debaat. ** Prologue, l. 819 * '''This is a long preamble of a tale!''' ** Prologue, l. 831 (Friar loq.) * In th'olde<!--'tholde'--> dayes of the king Arthour, <br> Of which that Britons speken greet honour, <br> All was this land fulfild of fayerye. <br> The elf-queen, with hir joly<!--'Ioly'--> companye, <br> Daunced ful ofte in many a grene mede; <br> This was the olde opinion, as I rede, <br> '''I speke of manye hundred yeres ago'''; <br> But now can no man see none elves mo. ** Tale, l. 1 [[File:Dust dancing in the sunlight Me 074a.jpg|thumb|<p>''As thikke as motes in the sonne-beem.''</p>As thick as motes in the sunbeam.]] * For now the grete charitee and prayeres <br> Of limitours and othere holy freres, <br> That serchen every lond and every streem, <br> '''As thikke as motes in the sonne-beem''', <br> Blessinge halles, chambres, kichenes, boures, <br> Citees, burghes, castels, hye toures, <br> Thropes, bernes, shipnes, dayeryes, <br> This maketh that ther been no fayeryes. ** Tale, l. 9<!--865--> * Of whiche mayde anon, maugree hir heed, <br> By verray force he rafte hir maydenheed. ** Tale, l. 31<!--887--> * Somme seyde, wommen loven best richesse, <br> Somme seyde, honour, somme seyde, jolynesse<!--'Iolynesse'-->; <br> Somme, riche array, somme seyden, lust abedde, <br> And ofte tyme to be widwe and wedde. ** Tale, l. 69<!--925--> * &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I wol nat lye; <br> A man shal winne us best with flaterye; <br> And with attendance, and with bisinesse, <br> Been we y-lymed, bothe more and lesse. ** Tale, l. 75<!--931--> * ‘My lige lady, generally,’ quod he, <br> ‘'''Wommen desyren to have sovereyntee <br> As wel over hir housbond as hir love''', <br> And for to been in maistrie him above; <br> This is your moste desyr, thogh ye me kille, <br> Doth as yow list, I am heer at your wille.’ ** Tale, l. 181<!--1037--> * Loke who that is most vertuous alway, <br> Privee and apert, and most entendeth ay <br> To do the gentil dedes that he can, <br> And tak him for the grettest gentil man. ** Tale, l. 257<!--6695--> * Crist wol, we clayme of him our gentillesse, <br> Nat of our eldres for hir old richesse. ** Tale, l. 261<!--1117--> * &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Men may wel often finde <br> A lordes sone do shame and vileinye; <br> And he that wol han prys of his gentrye <br> For he was boren of a gentil hous. ** Tale, l. 294<!--1150--> * He nis nat gentil, be he duk or erl; <br> For vileyns sinful dedes make a cherl. ** Tale, l. 301<!--1157--> * That he is gentil that doth gentil dedis. ** Tale, l. 314<!--1170; 6752--> * Povert is hateful good, and, as I gesse, <br> A ful greet bringer out of bisinesse. ** Tale, l. 339<!--1195--> * Povert ful ofte, whan a man is lowe, <br> Maketh his god and eek him-self to knowe. <br> Povert a spectacle is, as thinketh me, <br> Thurgh which he may his verray frendes see. ** Tale, l. 345<!--1201--> * &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Jesu<!--'Iesu'--> Crist us sende <br> Housbondes meke, yonge, and fresshe a-bedde, <br> And grace toverbyde hem that we wedde. <br> And eek I preye Iesu shorte hir lyves <br> That wol nat be governed by hir wyves; <br> And olde and angry nigardes of dispence, <br> God sende hem sone verray pestilence. ** Tale, l. 402<!--1258--> </br> === [[w:The Friar's Tale|The Friar's Tale]] === * The carl spak oo thing, but he thoghte another. ** Tale, l. 270<!--1568--> </br> === [[w:The Summoner's Tale|The Summoner's Tale]] === * Lyk an aspen leef he quook.<!--"Right as an aspen lefe she gan to quake." ~ ''Bartlett's Familiar Quotations'', 10th ed. (1919)--> ** Prologue, l. 3<!--1201--> * This Frere bosteth that he knoweth helle, <br> And god it woot, that it is litel wonder; <br> Freres and feendes been but lyte a-sonder. <br> For pardee, ye han ofte tyme herd telle, <br> How that a frere ravisshed was to helle <br> In spirit ones by a visioun; <br> And as an angel ladde him up and doun, <br> To shewen him the peynes that ther were, <br> In al the place saugh he nat a frere; <br> Of other folk he saugh y-nowe in wo. <br> Un-to this angel spak the frere tho: <br> &nbsp;&nbsp; “Now, sir,” quod he, “han freres swich a grace <br> That noon of hem shal come to this place?” <br> &nbsp;&nbsp; “Yis,” quod this angel, “many a millioun!” <br> And un-to Sathanas he ladde him doun. <br> “And now hath Sathanas,” seith he, “a tayl <br> Brodder than of a carrik is the sayl. <br> Hold up thy tayl, thou Sathanas!” quod he, <br> “Shewe forth thyn ers, and lat the frere see <br> Wher is the nest of freres in this place!” <br> And, er that half a furlong-wey of space, <br> Right so as bees out swarmen from an hyve, <br> Out of the develes ers ther gonne dryve <br> Twenty thousand freres in a route, <br> And thurgh-out helle swarmeden aboute; <br> And comen agayn, as faste as they may gon, <br> And in his ers they crepten everichon. <br> He clapte his tayl agayn, and lay ful stille. ** Prologue, l. 8<!--1672--> </br> === [[w:The Clerk's Tale|The Clerk's Tale]] === * For though we slepe or wake, or rome, or ryde, <br> Ay fleeth the tyme, it nil no man abyde. ** Tale, l. 62<!--118--> * And though your grene youthe floure as yit, <br> In crepeth age alwey, as stille as stoon, <br> And deeth manaceth every age, and smit <br> In ech estaat, for ther escapeth noon: <br> And al so certein as we knowe echoon <br> That we shul deye, as uncerteyn we alle <br> Been of that day whan deeth shal on us falle. ** Tale, l. 64<!--120--> **:<small>And through you are still in the flower of your young manhood, age creeps on steadily, as quiet as a stone, and death menaces every age and strikes in every rank, for no one escapes. As surely as we know that we will die, so we are uncertain of the day when death shall fall on us. (trans. R. M. Lumiansky)</small> * Ye been our lord, doth with your owene thing <br> Right as yow list. ** Tale, l. 596<!--652--> * Love is noght old as whan that it is newe. ** Tale, l. 801<!--857--> * Thus with hir fader, for a certeyn space, <br> Dwelleth '''this flour of wyfly pacience''', <br> That neither by hir wordes ne hir face <br> Biforn the folk, ne eek in hir absence, <br> Ne shewed she that hir was doon offence. ** Tale, l. 862<!--918; 8796--> * O stormy peple! unsad and ever untrewe! ** Tale, l. 939<!--995--> * Grisilde is deed, and eek hir pacience, <br> And bothe atones buried in Itaille; <br> For which I crye in open audience, <br> No wedded man so hardy be tassaille <br> His wyves pacience, in hope to finde <br> Grisildes, for in certein he shall faille! ** Tale, l. 1121<!--1177--> (Lenvoy de Chaucer) * Ye archewyves, stondeth at defence, <br> Sin ye be stronge as is a greet camaille; <br> Ne suffreth nat that men yow doon offence. <br> And sclendre wyves, feble as in bataille, <br> Beth egre as is a tygre yond in Inde; <br> Ay clappeth as a mille, I yow consaille. ** Tale, l. 1139<!--1195--> (Lenvoy de Chaucer) * Be ay of chere as light as leef on linde, <br> And lat him care, and wepe, and wringe, and waille! ** Tale, l. 1155<!--1211--> (Lenvoy de Chaucer) </br> === [[w:The Squire's Tale|The Squire's Tale]] === * A doghter hadde this worthy king also, <br> That yongest was, and highte Canacee. ** Tale, l. 24<!--32--> * But for to telle yow al hir beautee, <br> It lyth nat in my tonge, nin my conning; <br> I dar nat undertake so heigh a thing. <br> Myn English eek is insufficient; <br> It moste been a rethor excellent, <br> That coude his colours longing for that art, <br> If he sholde hir discryven every part. <br> I am non swich, I moot speke as I can. ** Tale, l. 26<!--34--> * &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;The Pegasee, <br> The hors that hadde winges for to flee. ** Tale, l. 199<!--207--> * They demen gladly to the badder ende. ** Tale, l. 216<!--224; 10538--> * Therfor bihoveth him<!--or "hire"--> a ful long spoon <br> That shal ete with a feend. ** Tale, l. 594<!--602--> **:<small>Cf. Shakespeare, ''[[The Comedy of Errors#Act IV|The Comedy of Errors]]'', act IV, sc. iii, l. 58<!--64--></small> * Men loven of propre kinde newfangelnesse. ** Tale, l. 602<!--610--> * I am lorn with-outen remedye! ** Tale, l. 621<!--629--> * &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Fy on possessioun <br> But-if a man be vertuous with-al. ** Franklin to the Squire, l. 14<!--686; Some editions put this in "The Franklin's Tale"--> </br> === [[w:The Franklin's Tale|The Franklin's Tale]] === * I sleep never on the mount of Pernaso, <br> Ne lerned Marcus Tullius Cithero. ** Prologue, l. 13<!--(49); 721--> * For o thing, sires, saufly dar I seye, <br> That frendes everich other moot obeye, <br> If they wol longe holden companye. <br> '''Love wol nat ben constreyned by maistrye; <br> Whan maistrie comth, the god of love anon <br> Beteth hise winges, and farewel! he is gon! <br> Love is a thing as any spirit free'''; <br> Wommen of kinde desiren libertee, <br> And nat to ben constreyned as a thral; <br> And so don men, if I soth seyen shal. ** Tale, l. 33<!--761--> * Pacience is an heigh vertu certeyn. ** Tale, l. 45<!--773--> * Servant in love, and lord in mariage. ** Tale, l. 65<!--793--> * Tak this for fynal answer as of me. ** Tale, l. 259<!--987--> * Til that the brighte sonne loste his hewe; <br> For thorisonte hath reft the sonne his light; <br> This is as muche to seye as it was night. ** Tale, l. 288<!--1016--> * It is agayns the proces of nature. ** Tale, l. 617<!--1345--> * Trouthe is the hyeste thing that man may kepe. ** l. 751<!--1479--> </br> === [[w:The Monk's Tale|The Monk's Tale]] === * For certein, whan that fortune list to flee, <br> Ther may no man the cours of hir withholde. ** l. 35<!--1995; 3185--> * Ful wys is he that can him-selven knowe. ** l. 149<!--2139; 3329--> **:<small>Cf. "[[w:Know thyself|Know thyself]]" and [[Heraclitus#Disputed|Heraclitus]]</small> * Redeth the grete poete of Itaille, <br> That highte [[Dante Alighieri|Dant]], for he can al devyse <br> Fro point to point, nat o word wol he faille. ** l. 470<!--2460; 3650--> * He was of knighthode and of fredom flour. ** l. 652<!--3832--> * Tragedie is noon other maner thing, <br> Ne can in singing crye ne biwaille, <br> But for that fortune alwey wol assaille <br> With unwar strook the regnes that ben proude; <br> For when men trusteth hir, than wol she faille, <br> And covere hir brighte face with a cloude. ** l. 771<!--3951--> </br> === [[w:The Parson's Tale|The Parson's Tale]] === * For the proverbe seith: that manye smale maken a greet. ** Tale, § 21<!--l. 361--> * Certes, they been lyk to houndes; for an hound, whan he comth by the roser or by othere [busshes], though he may nat pisse, yet wole he heve up his leg and make a contenaunce to pisse. ** Tale, § 76 </br> === [[w:The Canon's Yeoman's Tale|The Canon's Yeoman's Tale]] === * For whan a man hath over-greet a wit, <br> Ful oft him happeth to misusen it. ** Prologue, l. 95<!--648--> * The [[Planets|bodies sevene]] eek, lo! hem heer anoon: <br> Sol gold is, and Luna silver we threpe, <br> Mars yren, Mercurie quik-silver we clepe, <br> Saturnus leed, and Jupiter<!--'Iupiter'--> is tin, <br> And Venus coper, by my fader kin! ** Tale, l. 272<!--825--> * But al thing which that shyneth as the gold <br> Nis nat gold, as that I have herd it told. ** Tale, l. 409<!--962--> **:<small>Cf. "[[w:All that glitters is not gold|All that glitters is not gold]]" and [[Alain de Lille]]</small> </br> === [[w:The Manciple's Tale|The Manciple's Tale]] === * Lat take a cat, and fostre him wel with milk, <br> And tendre flesh, and make his couche of silk, <br> And lat him seen a mous go by the wal; <br> Anon he weyveth milk, and flesh, and al, <br> And every deyntee that is in that hous, <br> Swich appetyt hath he to ete a mous. ** Tale, l. 71<!--175--> * For men han ever a likerous appetyt <br> On lower thing to parfourne hir delyt <br> Than on hir wyves, be they never so faire, <br> Ne never so trewe, ne so debonaire. ** Tale, l. 85<!--189--> * [[Flesh]] is so newefangel, with meschaunce, <br> That we ne conne in no-thing han plesaunce <br> That souneth in-to vertu any whyle. ** Tale, l. 89<!--193--> * My sone, keep wel thy tonge and keep thy freend. ** Tale, l. 215<!--319--> * The firste vertu, sone, if thou wolt lere, <br> Is to restreyne and kepe wel thy tonge. ** Tale, l. 228<!--332--> * Thing that is seyd, is seyd; and forth it gooth. ** Tale, l. 251<!--355--> * Kepe wel thy tonge, and thenk up-on the crowe. ** Tale, l. 258<!--362--> </br> === [[w:The Merchant's Tale|The Merchant's Tale]] === * Weping and wayling. ** Prologue, l. 1<!--1213--> * &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; It is no childes pley <br> To take a wyf with-oute avysement. ** Tale, l. 286<!--1530--> * For love is blind. ** Tale, l. 354<!--1598--> **:<small>Cf. Shakespeare, ''[[A Midsummer Night's Dream#Act I|A Midsummer Night's Dream]]'', act I, sc. i, l. 234</small> * My wit is thinne. ** Tale, l. 438<!--1682--> * Ther nis no werkman, what-so-ever he be, <br> That may bothe werke wel and hastily; <br> This wol be doon at leyser parfitly. ** Tale, l. 588<!--1832--> </br> == Quotes about ''The Canterbury Tales'' == * Here is God's plenty. ** [[John Dryden]], Preface to ''[[w:Fables, Ancient and Modern|Fables]]'' (1700) == Translations == * ''[[Fables, Ancient and Modern]]'', trans. [[John Dryden]] (1700) * [https://archive.org/details/canterburytales0000kent/page/n5/mode/2up ''Canterbury Tales''], trans. J. U. Nicolson (Garden City Books, 1934) * [https://archive.org/details/canterburytaleso0000geof/mode/2up ''The Canterbury Tales''], trans. [[w:Robert Lumiansky|R. M. Lumiansky]] (Simon and Schuster, 1948) * [https://archive.org/details/canterburytales0000unse_l2v2/page/n7/mode/2up ''The Canterbury Tales''], trans. [[w:Nevill Coghill|Nevill Coghill]] (Penguin Books, 1952) * [https://archive.org/details/canterburytales0000chau_r1n1/mode/2up ''The Canterbury Tales''], trans. [[w:David Wright (poet)|David Wright]] (Oxford World's Classics, 1986 [OUP, 1985]) == See also == * ''[[The Decameron]]'' * ''[[One Thousand and One Nights]]'' == External links == {{Wikipedia}} [[Category:Poetry]] 6nt2onzfn3ngqh4t1tyhtcr9dpats9n 3778756 3778754 2025-07-14T16:47:50Z DanielTom 608538 /* General Prologue */ 3778756 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} [[File:Stothard, painting, Canterbury Pilgrims.jpg|thumb|upright=1.4|{{center|<p>''This world nis but a thurghfare ful of wo, <br> And we ben pilgrimes, passinge to and fro.''</p>This world is but a throughfare full of woe,<br />And we be pilgrims, passing to and fro.}}]] '''''[[w:The Canterbury Tales|The Canterbury Tales]]''''' ([[w:Middle English|Middle English]]: ''Tales of Caunterbury'') is a collection of 24 stories written in Middle English by [[Geoffrey Chaucer]] between 1387 and 1400. The book presents the tales, which are mostly written in [[w:verse (poetry)|verse]], as part of a fictional storytelling contest held by a group of [[pilgrim]]s travelling together from [[London]] to [[Canterbury]] to visit the shrine of Saint [[Thomas Becket]] at [[Canterbury Cathedral]]. :<small>'''[[Walter William Skeat|W. W. Skeat]] (ed.) ''The Complete Works of Geoffrey Chaucer'', 2nd ed. (1900), vols. [https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/45027 3], [https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/22120 4], [https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/43016 5]'''</small> == Quotes == === [[w:General Prologue|General Prologue]] === [[File:HengwrtChaucerOpening.jpg|thumb|<p>''Whan that Aprill, with his shoures soote<br />The droghte of March hath perced to the roote.''</p>When that April with his showers sweet<br />The drought of March has pierced to the root.]] [[File:Hengwrt Chaucer (f.2.r) title page.jpg|thumb|<p>''And smale foweles maken melodye,<br />That slepen al the nyght with open yë<br />(So priketh hem Nature in hir corages);<br />Thanne longen folk to goon on pilgrimages.''</p>And small fowls make melody,<br />That sleep all the night with open eye<br />(So pricks them nature in their courages);<br />Then long folk to go on pilgrimages.]] * Whan that Aprille with his shoures sote <br> The droghte of Marche hath perced to the rote, <br> And bathed every veyne in swich licour, <br> Of which vertu engendred is the flour; <br> Whan Zephirus eek with his swete breeth <br> Inspired hath in every holt and heeth <br> The tendre croppes, and the yonge sonne <br> Hath in the Ram his halfe cours y-ronne, <br> And smale fowles maken melodye, <br> That slepen al the night with open yë, <br> (So priketh hem nature in hir corages): <br> Than longen folk to goon on pilgrimages. ** l. 1 * And specially, from every shires ende <br> Of Engelond, to Caunterbury they wende, <br> The holy blisful martir for to seke, <br> That hem hath holpen, whan that they were seke. ** l. 15 * Bifel that, in that seson on a day, <br> In Southwerk at the Tabard as I lay <br> Redy to wenden on my pilgrimage <br> To Caunterbury with ful devout corage, <br> At night was come in-to that hostelrye <br> Wel nyne and twenty in a companye. ** l. 19 * A {{smallcaps|Knight}} ther was, and that a worthy man, <br> That fro the tyme that he first bigan <br> To ryden out, '''he loved chivalrye, <br> Trouthe and honour, fredom and curteisye.''' <br> Ful worthy was he in his lordes werre, <br> And therto hadde he riden (no man ferre) <br> As wel in Cristendom as hethenesse, <br> And ever honoured for his worthinesse. ** l. 43 [[File:The Knight - Ellesmere Chaucer.jpg|thumb|<p>''And of his port as meeke as is a mayde.''</p>And of his port as meek as is a maid.]] * And of his port as meke as is a mayde. ** l. 69 [[File:Chaucer knight.jpg|thumb|<p>''He was a verray, parfit gentil knyght.''</p> He was a very perfect, gentle knight.]] * He was a verray parfit gentil knight. ** l. 72 * With him ther was his sone, a yong {{smallcaps|Squyer}}, <br> A lovyere, and a lusty bacheler, <br> With lokkes crulle, as they were leyd in presse. <br> Of twenty yeer of age he was, I gesse. <br> Of his stature he was of evene lengthe, <br> And wonderly deliver, and greet of strengthe. ** l. 79 * And born him wel, as of so litel space, <br> In hope to stonden in his lady grace. <br> Embrouded was he, as it were a mede <br> Al ful of fresshe floures, whyte and rede. <br> Singinge he was, or floytinge, al the day; <br> '''He was as fresh as is the month of May.''' ** l. 87 * Short was his goune, with sleves longe and wyde. <br> Wel coude he sitte on hors, and faire ryde. ** l. 93 [[File:The Squire - Ellesmere Chaucer.jpg|thumb|<p>''He koude songes make, and wel endite.''</p>He could songs make and well indite.]] * He coude songes make and wel endyte. ** l. 95 [[File:A medieval feast, France, 1290-1300; Add MS 28162, f. 10v (detail 1).webp|thumb|<p>''Curteys he was, lowly, and servisable, <br> And carf biforn his fader at the table.''</p>Courteous he was, lowly and serviceable,<br />And carved before his father at the table.]] * Curteys he was, lowly, and servisable, <br> And carf biforn his fader at the table. ** l. 99 * A {{smallcaps|Yeman}} hadde he, and servaunts namo <br> At that tyme, for him liste ryde so; <br> And he was clad in cote and hood of grene. ** l. 101 * Ther was also a Nonne, a {{smallcaps|Prioresse}}, <br> That of hir smyling was ful simple and coy; <br> '''Hir gretteste ooth was but by sëynt Loy'''; <br> And she was cleped madame Eglentyne. ** l. 120 [[File:The Prioress - Ellesmere Chaucer.jpg|thumb|<p>''Ful weel she soong the service dyvyne,<br />Entuned in hir nose ful semely,<br />And Frenssh she spak ful faire and fetisly,<br />After the scole of Stratford-atte-Bowe,<br />For Frenssh of Parys was to hir unknowe.''</p>Full well she sang the service divine,<br />Entuned in her nose full seemly,<br />And French she spoke full fair and featously,<br />After the school of Stratford-at-the-Bow,<br />For French of Paris was to her unknown.]] * Ful wel she song the service divyne, <br> Entuned in hir nose ful semely; <br> And Frensh she spak ful faire and fetisly, <br> After the scole of Stratford atte Bowe, <br> For Frensh of Paris was to hir unknowe. ** l. 122 * <!--At mete wel y-taught was she with-alle;-->She leet no morsel from hir lippes falle, <br> Ne wette hir fingres in hir sauce depe. <br> Wel coude she carie a morsel, and wel kepe, <br> That no drope ne fille up-on hir brest. <br> In curteisye was set ful muche hir lest. ** l. 128 * She was so charitable and so pitous, <br> She wolde wepe, if that she sawe a mous <br> Caught in a trappe, if it were deed or bledde. ** l. 143 * Of smale houndes had she, that she fedde <br> With rosted flesh, or milk and wastel-breed. <br> But sore weep she if oon of hem were deed, <br> Or if men smoot it with a yerde smerte: <br> And al was conscience and tendre herte. ** l. 146 * Of smal coral aboute hir arm she bar <br> A peire of bedes, gauded al with grene; <br> And ther-on heng a broche of gold ful shene, <br> On which ther was first write a crowned A, <br> And after, ''Amor vincit omnia''. ** l. 158 **:<small>Cf. Virgil, ''[[Eclogues#Book 10|Eclogues]]'', [[w:Eclogue 10|x]], l. 69</small> * A {{smallcaps|Monk}} ther was, a fair for the maistrye, <br> An out-rydere, that lovede venerye; <br> '''A manly man''', to been an abbot able. ** l. 165 * And, whan he rood, men mighte his brydel here <br> Ginglen in a whistling wind as clere, <br> And eek as loude as dooth the chapel-belle. ** l. 169 * He yaf nat of that text a pulled hen, <br> That seith, that hunters been nat holy men. ** l. 177 * His palfrey was as broun as is a berye. ** l. 207 * A {{smallcaps|Frere}} ther was, a wantown and a merye, <br> A limitour, a ful solempne man. <br> In alle the ordres foure is noon that can <br> So muche of daliaunce and fair langage. <br> He hadde maad ful many a mariage <br> Of yonge wommen, at his owne cost. <br> Un-to his ordre he was a noble post. ** l. 208 * He knew the tavernes wel in every toun. ** l. 240 * He was the beste beggere in his hous. ** l. 252 * Somwhat he lipsed, for his wantownesse, <br> To make his English swete up-on his tonge. ** l. 264 * A {{smallcaps|Marchant}} was ther with a forked berd, <br> In mottelee, and hye on horse he sat, <br> Up-on his heed a Flaundrish bever hat; <br> His botes clasped faire and fetisly. <br> His resons he spak ful solempnely. ** l. 272 [[File:The Clerk of Oxford from the “Ellesmere Chaucer” (Huntington Library, San Marino).jpg|thumb|<p>''A Clerk ther was of Oxenforde also.''</p>A clerk there was of Oxford also.]] * '''A {{smallcaps|Clerk}} ther was of Oxenford also,''' <br> That un-to logik hadde longe y-go. <br> As lene was his hors as is a rake, <br> And he nas nat right fat, I undertake; <br> But loked holwe, and ther-to soberly. ** l. 287 [[File:Chaucer-canterburytales-clerk.jpg|thumb|<p>''For hym was levere have at his beddes heed<br />Twenty bookes, clad in blak or reed,<br />Of Aristotle and his philosophie,<br />Than robes riche, or fithele, or gay sautrie.<br />But al be that he was a philosophre,<br />Yet hadde he but litel gold in cofre.''</p>For him was lever have at his bed's head<br />Twenty books, clad in black or red,<br />Of Aristotle, and his philosophy,<br />Than robes rich, or fiddle, or gay psaltery.<br />But albe that he was a philosopher,<br />Yet had he but little gold in coffer.]] * For him was lever have at his beddes heed <br> Twenty bokes, clad in blak or reed, <br> Of Aristotle and his philosophye, <br> Than robes riche, or fithele, or gay sautrye. <br> But al be that he was a philosophre, <br> Yet hadde he but litel gold in cofre. ** l. 295 [[File:The Clerk from Chaucer's Canterbury Tales.jpg|thumb|<p>''And gladly wolde he lerne, and gladly teche.''</p>And gladly would he learn, and gladly teach.]] * Of studie took he most cure and most hede. <br> Noght o word spak he more than was nede, <br> And that was seyd in forme and reverence, <br> And short and quik, and ful of hy sentence. <br> Souninge in moral vertu was his speche, <br> '''And gladly wolde he lerne, and gladly teche.''' ** l. 305 * A {{smallcaps|Sergeant of the Lawe}}, war and wys, <br> That often hadde been at the parvys, <br> Ther was also, ful riche of excellence. ** l. 311<!--309--> [[File:The Man of Law from the EllsMan of Law from the “Ellesmere Chaucer” (Huntington Library, San Marino).jpg|thumb|<p>''Nowher so bisy a man as he ther nas,<br />And yet he semed bisier than he was.''</p>Nowhere so busy a man as he there was,<br />And yet he seemed busier than he was.]] * No-wher so bisy a man as he ther nas, <br> And yet he semed bisier than he was. ** l. 323<!--321--> * A {{smallcaps|Frankeleyn}} was in his companye; <br> Whyt was his berd, as is the dayesye. <br> Of his complexioun he was sangwyn. <br> Wel loved he by the morwe a sop in wyn. ** l. 333<!--331--> * To liven in delyt was ever his wone, <br> For he was [[Epicurus]] owne sone. ** l. 337<!--335--> **:<small>Cf. [[Horace]], ''Epistles'', Bk. I, ep. iv, [[w:Epicuri de grege porcum|l. 16]]</small> * It snewed in his hous of mete and drinke. ** l. 347<!--345--> * An {{smallcaps|Haberdassher}} and a {{smallcaps|Carpenter}}, <br> A {{smallcaps|Webbe}}, a {{smallcaps|Dyere}}, and a {{smallcaps|Tapicer}}, <br> Were with us eek, clothed in o liveree, <br> Of a solempne and greet fraternitee. ** l. 363<!--361--> * A {{smallcaps|Cook}} they hadde with hem for the nones, <br> To boille the chiknes with the mary-bones. ** l. 381<!--379--> * A {{smallcaps|Shipman}} was ther, woning fer by weste: <br> For aught I woot, he was of Dertemouthe. ** l. 390<!--388--> * And, certeinly, he was a good felawe. ** l. 397<!--395--> * Of nyce conscience took he no keep. <br> If that he faught, and hadde the hyer hond, <br> By water he sente hem hoom to every lond. ** l. 400<!--398--> * With us ther was a {{smallcaps|Doctour of Phisyk}}, <br> In al this world ne was ther noon him lyk <br> To speke of phisik and of surgerye; <br> For he was grounded in astronomye. ** l. 413<!--411--> [[File:The Physician - Ellesmere Chaucer.jpg|thumb|<p>''His studie was but litel on the Bible.''</p>His study was but little on the Bible.</p>]] * His studie was but litel on the Bible. ** l. 440<!--438--> [[File:Physician examining urine. Wellcome M0018403.jpg|thumb|<p>''For gold in phisik is a cordial,<br />Therfore he lovede gold in special.''</p>For gold in physic is a cordial;<br />Therefore he loved gold in special.]] * He kepte that he wan in pestilence. <br> For gold in phisik is a cordial, <br> Therfore he lovede gold in special. ** l. 444<!--442--> * A good {{smallcaps|Wyf}} was ther of bisyde {{smallcaps|Bathe}}, <br> But she was som-del deef, and that was scathe. <br> Of clooth-making she hadde swiche an haunt, <br> She passed hem of Ypres and of Gaunt. ** l. 447<!--445--> * Hir coverchiefs ful fyne were of ground; <br> I dorste swere they weyeden ten pound <br> That on a Sonday were upon hir heed. <br> Hir hosen weren of fyn scarlet reed, <br> Ful streite y-teyd, and shoos ful moiste and newe. <br> Bold was hir face, and fair, and reed of hewe. ** l. 455<!--453--> * She was a worthy womman al hir lyve, <br> Housbondes at chirche-dore she hadde fyve, <br> Withouten other companye in youthe; <br> But therof nedeth nat to speke as nouthe. ** l. 461<!--459--> * And thryes hadde she been at Jerusalem<!--'Ierusalem'-->; <br> She hadde passed many a straunge streem; <br> At Rome she hadde been, and at Boloigne, <br> In Galice at seint Jame<!--'Iame'-->, and at Coloigne. ** l. 465<!--463--> * A good man was ther of religioun, <br> And was a povre {{smallcaps|Persoun}} of a toun; <br> But riche he was of holy thoght and werk. <br> He was also a lerned man, a clerk, <br> That Cristes gospel trewely wolde preche; <br> His parisshens devoutly wolde he teche. ** l. 480<!--477--> [[File:The Parson - Ellesmere Chaucer.jpg|thumb|<p>''Wyd was his parisshe, and houses fer a-sonder.''</p>Wide was his parish, and houses far asunder.]] * Wyd was his parisshe, and houses fer a-sonder. ** l. 493<!--491--> [[File:The Poor Parson.png|thumb|<p>''This noble ensample to his sheep he yaf,<br />That first he wroghte, and afterward he taughte.''</p>This noble example to his sheep he gave,<br />That first he wrought, and afterward he taught.</p><br />. . . . . .<br /><p>''But Cristes lore, and his apostles twelve,<br />He taughte, and first he folwed it him-selve.''</p>But Christ's lore, and his apostles twelve,<br />He taught, and first he followed it himself.</p>]] * This noble ensample to his sheep he yaf, <br> That first he wroghte, and afterward he taughte. ** l. 498<!--496--> * Out of the gospel he tho wordes caughte; <br> And this figure he added eek ther-to, <br> That '''if gold ruste, what shal iren do?''' <br> For if a preest be foul, on whom we truste, <br> No wonder is a lewed man to ruste. ** l. 500<!--498--> * A bettre preest, I trowe that nowher noon is. <br> He wayted after no pompe and reverence, <br> Ne maked him a spyced conscience, <br> '''But Cristes lore, and his apostles twelve, <br> He taughte, and<!--or "but"--> first he folwed it him-selve.''' ** l. 526<!--524--> * With him ther was a {{smallcaps|Plowman}}, was his brother, <br> That hadde y-lad of dong ful many a fother. ** l. 531<!--529--> * The {{smallcaps|Miller}} was a stout carl, for the nones, <br> Ful big he was of braun, and eek of bones. ** l. 547<!--545--> * His berd as any sowe or fox was reed, <br> And ther-to brood, as though it were a spade. <br> Up-on the cop right of his nose he hade <br> A werte, and ther-on stood a tuft of heres, <br> Reed as the bristles of a sowes eres. ** l. 554<!--552--> * His nose-thirles blake were and wyde. <br> A swerd and bokeler bar he by his syde; <br> His mouth as greet was as a greet forneys. <br> He was a janglere<!--'Ianglere'--> and a goliardeys, <br> And that was most of sinne and harlotryes. ** l. 559<!--557--> [[File:Canterbury Tales - The Miller - f. 34v detail - Robin with the Bagpype - early 1400s Chaucer.png|thumb|<p>''And yet he hadde a thombe of gold, pardee.''</p>And yet he had a thumb of gold, pardie.]] * And yet he hadde a thombe of gold, pardee. ** l. 565<!--563--> **:<small>Cf. [[John Ray|Ray]], ''Proverbs'' (ed. 1768), p. 136: "An honest miller has a golden thumb."</small> * A gentil {{smallcaps|Maunciple}} was ther of a temple, <br> Of which achatours mighte take exemple <br> For to be wyse in bying of vitaille. ** l. 569<!--567--> * The {{smallcaps|Reve}} was a sclendre colerik man, <br> His berd was shave as ny as ever he can. ** l. 589<!--587--> * A {{smallcaps|Somnour}} was ther with us in that place, <br> That hadde a fyr-reed cherubinnes face, <br> For sawcefleem he was, with eyen narwe. <br> As hoot he was, and lecherous, as a sparwe. ** l. 625<!--623--> * Wel loved he garleek, oynons, and eek lekes, <br> And for to drinken strong wyn, reed as blood. ** l. 636<!--634--> * And whan that he wel dronken hadde the wyn, <br> Than wolde he speke no word but Latyn. ** l. 640<!--637--> * With him ther rood a gentil {{smallcaps|Pardoner}} <br> Of Rouncival, his freend and his compeer, <br> That streight was comen fro the court of Rome. <br> Ful loude he song, ‘Com hider, love, to me.’ ** l. 671<!--669--> * This pardoner hadde heer as yelow as wex, <br> But smothe it heng, as dooth a strike of flex. ** l. 677<!--675--> * His walet lay biforn him in his lappe, <br> Bret-ful of pardoun come from Rome al hoot. ** l. 688<!--686--> * '''He hadde a croys of latoun, ful of stones, <br> And in a glas he hadde pigges bones.''' <br> But with thise relikes, whan that he fond <br> A povre person dwelling up-on lond, <br> Up-on a day he gat him more moneye <br> Than that the person gat in monthes tweye. <br> And thus, with feyned flaterye and japes<!--'Iapes'-->, <br> He made the person and the peple his apes. ** l. 701<!--699--> [[File:Ellesmere Chaucer, mssEL 26 C 9, folio 153v, warmer image.jpg|thumb|<p>''Who-so shal telle a tale after a man,<br />He moot reherce, as ny as ever he can,<br />Everich a word, if it be in his charge,<br />Al speke he never so rudeliche and large;<br />Or elles he moot telle his tale untrewe,<br />Or feyne thing, or finde wordes newe.''</p>Whoso shall tell a tale after a man,<br />He must rehearse, as nigh as ever he can,<br />Every word, if it be in his charge,<br />All speak he never so rudely and large;<br />Or else he must tell his tale untrue,<br />Or feign things, or find words new.]] * Who-so shal telle a tale after a man, <br> He moot reherce, as ny as ever he can, <br> Everich a word, if it be in his charge, <br> Al speke he never so rudeliche and large; <br> Or elles he moot telle his tale untrewe, <br> Or feyne thing, or finde wordes newe. ** l. 733<!--731--> **:<small>He who repeats a tale after a man, <br> Is bound to say, as nearly as he can, <br> Each single word, if he remembers it, <br> However rudely spoken or unfit, <br> Or else the tale he tells will be untrue, <br> The things invented and the phrases new. <br> (trans. Nevill Coghill)</small> * This is the poynt, to speken short and pleyn, <br> That ech of yow, to shorte with your weye, <br> In this viage, shal telle tales tweye, <br> To Caunterbury-ward, I mene it so, <br> And hom-ward he shal tellen othere two, <br> Of aventures that whylom han bifalle. ** l. 792<!--790--> </br> === [[w:The Knight's Tale|The Knight's Tale]] === [[File:Emilia in Her Garden (1468), unknown artist, from an edition of Boccaccio's Teseida.jpg|thumb|<p>''For May wol have no slogardye a-night.''</p>For May will have no sluggardy a-night.]] * For May wol have no slogardye a-night. <br> The sesoun priketh every gentil herte, <br> And maketh him out of his sleep to sterte. ** l. 184<!--1042--> **:<small>Cf. [[Robert Herrick|Herrick]], [[s:The Hesperides & Noble Numbers/Hesperides/Corinna's Going a-Maying|"Corinna's Going a-Maying"]], l. 5: "Get up, sweet slug-a-bed."</small> * Wostow nat wel the olde clerkes sawe, <br> That ‘who shal yeve a lover any lawe?’ <br> Love is a gretter lawe, by my pan, <br> Than may be yeve to any erthly man. ** l. 305<!--1163--> * And therfore, at the kinges court, my brother, <br> Ech man for him-self, ther is non other. ** l. 323<!--1181--> * And whan a beest is deed, he hath no peyne; <br> But man after his deeth moot wepe and pleyne. ** l. 461<!--1319--> * The bisy larke, messager of day. ** l. 633<!--1491--> * May, with alle thy floures and thy grene, <br> Wel-come be thou, faire fresshe May. ** l. 652<!--1511--> * That ‘feeld hath eyen, and the wode hath eres.’ ** l. 664<!--1524--> **:<small>Cf. [[English proverbs|Proverb]], with Latin version (MS. Trin. Coll. Cam. O. 2. 45): ''Veld haueð hege, and wude haueð heare.'' / ''Campus habet lumen, et habet nemus auris acumen.'' German ([[Ida von Reinsberg-Düringsfeld|Ida von Düringsfeld]], ''Sprichwörter'', vol. i. no. 453): ''Das Feld hat Augen, der Wald hat Ohren.'' French ([[w:Randle Cotgrave|Cotgrave]], ''Dictionarie'', s.v. ''Oeillet''): ''Bois ont oreilles, & champs oeiletts.'' </small> * Now up, now doun, as boket in a welle. ** l. 675<!--1533--> * For pitee renneth sone in gentil herte. ** l. 903<!--1761--> * The statue of Venus, glorious for to see, <br> Was naked fleting in the large see, <br> And fro the navele doun all covered was <br> With wawes grene, and brighte as any glas. <br> A citole in hir right hand hadde she, <br> And on hir heed, ful semely for to see, <br> A rose gerland, fresh and wel smellinge; <br> Above hir heed hir dowves flikeringe. ** l. 1097<!--1955--> **:<small>Her statue, glorious in majesty, <br> Stood naked, floating on a vasty sea, <br> And from the navel down there were a mass <br> Of green and glittering waves as bright as glass. <br> In her right hand a cithern carried she <br> And on her head, most beautiful to see, <br> A garland of fresh roses, while above <br> There circles round her many a flickering dove. <br> (trans. Nevill Coghill)</small> * <!--Biforn hir stood hir sone--> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Cupido, <br> Up-on his shuldres winges hadde he two; <br> And blind he was, as it is ofte sene; <br> A bowe he bar and arwes brighte and kene. ** l. 1105<!--1963--> * With-inne the temple of mighty Mars the rede, <br> All peinted was the wall in length and brede, <br> Like to the estres of the grisly place <br> That highte the gret temple of Mars in Trace: <br> In thilke colde and frosty region, <br> Ther as Mars hath his sovereine mansion. ** l. 1111<!--1969--> **:<small>But in the dome of mighty Mars the red, <br> With different figures all the sides were spread; <br> This temple, less in form, with equal grace, <br> Was imitative of the first in Thrace; <br> For that cold region was the loved abode, <br> And sovereign mansion of the warrior god. <br> (trans. Dryden)</small> * Ther saugh I first the derke imagining <br> Of felonye, and al the compassing. ** l. 1137<!--1995--> **:<small>There saw I how the secret felon wrought, <br> And treason labouring in the traitor's thought, <br> And midwife Time the ripened plot to murders brought. <br> (trans. Dryden)</small> * The smyler with the knyf under the cloke. ** l. 1141<!--1999--> **:<small>Next stood Hypocrisy, with holy leer; <br> Soft smiling, and demurely looking down, <br> But hid the dagger underneath the gown. <br> (trans. Dryden)</small> * The careyne in the bush, with throte y-corve: <br> A thousand slayn, and nat of qualm y-storve; <br> The tiraunt, with the prey by force y-raft; <br> The toun destroyed, ther was no-thing laft. <br> Yet saugh I brent the shippes hoppesteres; <br> The hunte strangled with the wilde beres: <br> The sowe freten the child right in the cradel; <br> The cook y-scalded, for al his longe ladel. ** l. 1155<!--2013--> **:<small>There was the murdered corpse in covert laid, <br> And violent death in thousand shapes displayed; <br> The city to the soldier's rage resigned; <br> Successless wars, and poverty behind: <br> Ships burnt in fight, or forced on rocky shores, <br> And the rash hunter strangled by the boars; <br> The new-born babe by nurses overlaid; <br> And the cook caught within the raging fire he made. <br> (trans. Dryden)</small> * And al above, depeynted in a tour, <br> Saw I conquest sittinge in greet honour, <br> With the sharpe swerde over his heed <br> Hanginge by a sotil twynes threed. ** l. 1169<!--2028--> **:<small>And high above, depicted in a tower, <br> Sat Conquest, robed in majesty and power, <br> Under a sword that swung above his head, <br> Sharp-edged and hanging by a subtle thread. <br> (trans. Nevill Coghill)</small> * This goddesse on an hert ful hye seet, <br> With smale houndes al aboute hir feet; <br> And undernethe hir feet she hadde a mone, <br> Wexing it was, and sholde wanie sone. <br> In gaude grene hir statue clothed was, <br> With bowe in honde, and arwes in a cas. <br> Hir eyen caste she ful lowe adoun, <br> Ther Pluto hath his derke regioun. ** l. 1217<!--2075--> **:<small>High on a stag the Goddess held her seat, <br> And there were little hounds about her feet; <br> Below her feet there was a sickle moon, <br> Waxing it seemed, but would be waning soon. <br> Her statue bore a mantle of bright green, <br> Her hand a bow with arrows cased and keen; <br> Her eyes were lowered, gazing as she rode <br> Down to where Pluto has his dark abode. <br> (trans. Nevill Coghill)</small> * Ther nis no newe gyse, that it nas old. ** l. 1267<!--2125--> * Up roos the sonne, and up roos Emelye. ** l. 1415<!--2275--> * Myn be the travaille, and thyn be the glorie! ** l. 1548<!--2408--> * And she was al his chere, as in his herte. ** l. 1825<!--2683--> * What is this world? what asketh men to have? <br> Now with his love, now in his colde grave <br> Allone, with-outen any companye. ** l. 1919<!--2777--> * ‘Right as ther deyed never man,’ quod he, <br> ‘That he ne livede in erthe in som degree, <br> Right so ther livede never man,’ he seyde, <br> ‘In al this world, that som tyme he ne deyde. <br> '''This world nis but a thurghfare ful of wo, <br> And we ben pilgrimes, passinge to and fro; <br> Deeth is an ende of every worldly sore.'''’ ** l. 1985<!--2843--> **:<small>Since every man, who lives, is born to die, <br> And none can boast sincere felicity, <br> With equal mind, what happens, let us bear, <br> Nor joy, nor grieve too much, for things beyond our care. <br> Like pilgrims, to the appointed place we tend; <br> The world's an inn, and death the journey's end. <br> (trans. Dryden)</small> * What maketh this but Jupiter<!--'Iupiter'--> the king? <br> The which is prince and cause of alle thing, <br> Converting al un-to his propre welle, <br> From which it is deryved, sooth to telle. <br> And here-agayns no creature on lyve <br> Of no degree availleth for to stryve. <br> &nbsp;&nbsp; '''Thanne is it wisdom, as it thinketh me, <br> To maken vertu of necessitee,''' <br> And take it wel, that we may nat eschue, <br> And namely that to us alle is due. ** l. 2177<!--3035--> **:<small>Cf. ''[[Troilus and Criseyde]]'', bk. IV, l. 1586</small> </br> === [[w:The Miller's Tale|The Miller's Tale]] === * Who hath no wyf, he is no cokewold. ** Prologue, l. 44<!--3152--> * This Carpenter had wedded newe a wyf <br> Which that he lovede more than his lyf. ** Tale, l. 35 * Jalous<!--'Ialous'--> he was, and heeld hir narwe in cage, <br> For she was wilde and yong, and he was old. ** Tale, l. 38 * Men sholde wedden after hir estaat, <br> For youthe and elde is often at debaat. ** Tale, l. 43<!--121 (?)--> **:<small>Cf. ''[[Distichs of Cato]]''</small> * She was a prymerole, a pigges-nye <br> For any lord to leggen in his bedde, <br> Or yet for any good yeman to wedde. ** Tale, l. 82<!--3268--> * And prively he caughte hir by the queynte. ** Tale, l. 90<!--3276--> * She was so propre and swete and likerous. <br> I dar wel seyn, if she had been a mous, <br> And he a cat, he wolde hir hente anon. ** Tale, l. 159 * And wafres, pyping hote out of the glede. ** Tale, l. 193 * And so bifel it on a Saterday, <br> This carpenter was goon til Osenay; <br> And hende Nicholas and Alisoun <br> Acorded been to this conclusioun, <br> That Nicholas shal shapen him a wyle <br> This sely jalous<!--Ialous--> housbond to bigyle. ** Tale, l. 213 * Jesu<!--'Iesu'--> Crist, and seynt Benedight, <br> Blesse this hous from every wikked wight. ** Tale, l. 297<!--3483--> * And broghte of mighty ale a large quart. ** Tale, l. 311<!--3497--> * ‘Now John,’ quod Nicholas, ‘I wol nat lye; <br> I have y-founde in myn astrologye, <br> As I have loked in the mone bright, <br> That now, a Monday next, at quarter-night, <br> Shal falle a reyn and that so wilde and wood, <br> That half so greet was never Noës flood.’ ** Tale, l. 327 * Lo! which a greet thyng is affeccioun! <br> '''Men may dye of imaginacioun''', <br> So depe may impressioun be take. ** Tale, l. 425<!--3611--> * Whan that the firste cok hath crowe, anon <br> Up rist this joly<!--'Ioly'--> lover Absolon, <br> And him arrayeth gay, at point-devys. <br> But first he cheweth greyn and lycorys, <br> To smellen swete, er he had kembd his heer. ** Tale, l. 501 * &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I have swich love-longinge, <br> That lyk a turtel trewe is my moorninge; <br> I may nat ete na more than a mayde. ** Tale, l. 519 * Derk was the night as pich, or as the cole, <br> And at the window out she putte hir hole, <br> And Absolon, him fil no bet ne wers, <br> But with his mouth he kiste hir naked ers <br> Ful savourly, er he was war of this. <br> &nbsp;&nbsp; Abak he sterte, and thoghte it was amis, <br> For wel he wiste a womman hath no berd; <br> He felte a thing al rough and long y-herd, <br> And seyde, ‘fy! allas! what have I do?’ <br> &nbsp;&nbsp; ‘Tehee!’ quod she, and clapte the window to; <br> And Absolon goth forth a sory pas. <br> &nbsp;&nbsp; ‘A berd, a berd!’ quod hende Nicholas, <br> ‘By goddes ''corpus'', this goth faire and weel!’ ** Tale, l. 545<!--3730--> * This Nicholas was risen for to pisse, <br> And thoghte he wolde amenden al the jape<!--'Iape'-->, <br> He sholde kisse his ers er that he scape. <br> And up the windowe dide he hastily, <br> And out his ers he putteth prively <br> Over the buttok, to the haunche-bon; <br> And ther-with spak this clerk, this Absolon, <br> ‘Spek, swete brid, I noot nat wher thou art.’ <br> &nbsp;&nbsp; '''This Nicholas anon leet flee a fart, <br> As greet as it had been a thonder-dent''', <br> That with the strook he was almost y-blent; <br> And he was redy with his iren hoot, <br> And Nicholas amidde the ers he smoot. ** Tale, l. 612 </br> === [[w:The Reeve's Tale|The Reeve's Tale]] === * Yet in our asshen olde is fyr y-reke. ** Prologue, l. 28<!--3880/3882--> * The gretteste clerkes been noght the wysest men. ** Tale, l. 134 * Thurgh thikke and thurgh thenne. ** Tale, l. 146<!--4066--> **:<small>Cf. Du Bartas, [[Guillaume de Salluste Du Bartas#La Seconde Semaine (1584)|''Second Week'']], Fourth Day; Spenser, [[The Faerie Queene#Book III|''The Faerie Queene'']], Bk. III, Canto i, st. 17</small> * So was hir joly<!--'Ioly'--> whistle wel y-wet. ** Tale, l. 235<!--4153/4155--> </br> === [[w:The Man of Law's Tale|The Man of Law's Tale]] === * At Cristemasse merie may ye daunce! ** Prologue, l. 28<!--126--> * She is mirour of alle curteisye. ** Tale, l. 68<!--166--> **:<small>Cf. Shakespeare, ''[[Henry VIII (play)#Act II|Henry VIII]]'', act II, sc. i, l. 52</small> * For in the sterres, clerer than is glas, <br> Is writen, god wot, who-so coude it rede, <br> The deeth of every man, withouten drede. ** Tale, l. 96<!--194--> * Sathan, that ever us waiteth to bigyle. ** Tale, l. 484<!--582--> * Have ye nat seyn som tyme a pale face, <br> Among a prees, of him that hath be lad <br> Toward his deeth, wher-as him gat no grace, <br> And swich a colour in his face hath had, <br> Men mighte knowe his face, that was bistad, <br> Amonges alle the faces in that route. ** Tale, l. 547<!--645--> </br> === [[w:Sir Thopas|Sir Thopas]] === * Thou lokest as thou woldest finde an hare, <br> For ever up-on the ground I see thee stare. ** Prologue, l. 6<!--696; 1886--> * He hadde a semely nose. ** Tale, l. 18<!--729; 1919--> </br> === [[w:The Tale of Melibee|The Tale of Melibee]] === * This may wel be rym dogerel. ** Prologue, l. 7<!--2115; some editions put this in "Sir Thopas"--> * ‘By god,’ quod he, ‘for pleynly, at a word, <br> Thy drasty ryming is nat worth a tord. ** Prologue, l. 11<!--2119; some editions put this in "Sir Thopas"--> * What is bettre than gold? Jaspre<!--'Iaspre'-->. <br> What is bettre than jaspre<!--'Iaspre'-->? Wisdom. <br> And what is bettre than wisdom? Womman. <br> And what is bettre than a good womman? No-thing. ** Tale, § 15<!--l. 1107--> </br> === [[w:The Nun's Priest's Tale|The Nun's Priest's Tale]] === * Your tale anoyeth al this companye; <br> Swich talking is nat worth a boterflye. ** Prologue, l. 23<!--3979--> * A povre widwe, somdel stope in age, <br> Was whylom dwelling in a narwe cotage, <br> Bisyde a grove, stonding in a dale. ** Tale, l. 1 * <!--A yerd she hadde, enclosed al aboute / With stikkes, and a drye dich with-oute, /In which--> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; She hadde a cok, hight Chauntecleer, <br> In al the land of crowing nas his peer. <br> His vois was merier than the mery orgon <br> On messe-dayes that in the chirche gon; <br> Wel sikerer was his crowing in his logge, <br> Than is a clokke, or an abbey [[wikt:horloge|orlogge]]. ** Tale, l. 29 * His comb was redder than the fyn coral, <br> And batailed, as it were a castel-wal. <br> His bile was blak, and as the jeet<!--'Ieet'--> it shoon; <br> Lyk asur were his legges, and his toon; <br> His nayles whytter than the lilie flour, <br> And lyk the burned gold was his colour. <br> This gentil cok hadde in his governaunce <br> Sevene hennes, for to doon al his plesaunce, <br> Whiche were his sustres and his paramours, <br> And wonder lyk to him, as of colours. <br> Of whiche the faireste hewed on hir throte <br> Was cleped faire damoysele Pertelote. ** Tale, l. 39<!--2859; 4050--> **:<small>Cf. [[Anonymous|Anon.]], "I Have a Gentle [[Rooster|Cock]]"</small> * We alle desyren, if it mighte be, <br> To han housbondes hardy, wyse, and free, <br> And secree, and no nigard, ne no fool, <br> Ne him that is agast of every tool, <br> Ne noon avauntour, by that god above! ** Tale, l. 93 * Certes this dreem, which ye han met to-night, <br> Cometh of the grete superfluitee <br> Of youre rede ''colera''. ** Tale, l. 106 * Right as the humour of malencolye <br> Causeth ful many a man, in sleep, to crye, <br> For fere of blake beres, or boles blake, <br> Or elles, blake develes wole hem take. ** Tale, l. 113 * O blisful god, that art so just<!--'Iust'--> and trewe! <br> Lo, how that thou biwreyest mordre alway! <br> '''Mordre wol out, that see we day by day.'''<!--'Murder will out, this my conclusion.'--> <br> Mordre is so wlatsom and abhominable. ** Tale, l. 230 * Macrobeus, that writ the avisioun <br> In Affrike of the worthy Cipioun, <br> Affermeth dremes, and seith that they been <br> Warning of thinges that men after seen. ** Tale, l. 303 * Reed eek of Joseph<!--'Ioseph'-->, and ther shul ye see <br> Wher dremes ben somtyme (I sey nat alle) <br> Warning of thinges that shul after falle. ** Tale, l. 310 * Who-so wol seken actes of sondry remes, <br> May rede of dremes many a wonder thing. ** Tale, l. 316 * For whan I see the beautee of your face, <br> Ye ben so scarlet-reed about your yën, <br> It maketh al my drede for to dyen. ** Tale, l. 340 * '''Womman is mannes joye<!--'Ioye'--> and al his blis.''' <br> For whan I fele a-night your softe syde, <br> Al-be-it that I may nat on you ryde, <br> For that our perche is maad so narwe, alas! <br> I am so ful of joye<!--'Ioye'--> and of solas <br> That I defye bothe sweven and dreem. ** Tale, l. 346 **:<small>Cf. [[Robert Mannyng]], ''Handlyng Synne'', l. 1907</small> * Whan that<!--Some anthologies elide these words: &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;--> the month in which the world bigan, <br> That highte March, whan god first maked man. ** Tale, l. 367<!--3187; 4377--> * ‘Madame Pertelote, my worldes blis, <br> Herkneth thise blisful briddes how they singe, <br> And see the fresshe floures how they springe; <br> Ful is myn herte of revel and solas.’ <br> But sodeinly him fil a sorweful cas; <br> For ever the latter ende of joye<!--'Ioye'--> is wo. ** Tale, l. 380 * My tale is of a cok, as ye may here, <br> That took his counseil of his wyf, with sorwe, <br> To walken in the yerd upon that morwe <br> That he had met the dreem, that I yow tolde. <br> Wommennes counseils been ful ofte colde. ** Tale, l. 432 * Allas! ye lordes, many a fals flatour <br> Is in your courtes, and many a losengeour, <br> That plesen yow wel more, by my feith, <br> Than he that soothfastnesse unto yow seith. <br> Redeth Ecclesiaste of flaterye; <br> Beth war, ye lordes, of hir trecherye. ** Tale, l. 505 * Daun Russel the fox sterte up at ones. ** Tale, l. 514<!--4524--> * And on a Friday fil al this meschaunce. ** Tale, l. 521<!--3341; 4531--> * They yelleden as feendes doon in helle; <br> The dokes cryden as men wolde hem quelle; <br> The gees for fere flowen over the trees; <br> Out of the hyve cam the swarm of bees. ** Tale, l. 569 * Certes, he Jakke<!--'Iakke'--> Straw, and his meynee, <br> Ne made never shoutes half so shrille, <br> Whan that they wolden any Fleming kille, <br> As thilke day was maad upon the fox. ** Tale, l. 574 * But ye that holden this tale a folye, <br> As of a fox, or of a cok and hen, <br> Taketh the moralitee, good men. <br> For seint Paul seith, that al that writen is, <br> To our doctryne it is y-write, y-wis. <br> '''Taketh the fruyt, and lat the chaf be stille.''' ** Tale, l. 618<!--672--> **:<small>Yet do not miss the moral, my good men. <br> For Saint Paul says that all that’s written well <br> Is written down some useful truth to tell. <br> Then take the wheat and let the chaff lie still. <br> (trans. J. U. Nicolson)</small> </br> === [[w:The Pardoner's Tale|The Pardoner's Tale]] === * Than peyne I me to strecche forth the nekke, <br> And est and west upon the peple I bekke. ** Prologue, l. 67<!--395--> * I preche of no-thing but for coveityse. <br> Therfor my theme is yet, and ever was— <br> “''Radix malorum est cupiditas.''” ** Tale, l. 96 **:<small>Cf. [[1 Timothy]] 6:10 ([[Vulgate]])</small> * But, though my-self be gilty in that sinne, <br> Yet can I maken other folk to twinne <br> From avaryce, and sore to repente. ** Tale, l. 101 * O wombe! O bely! O stinking cod, <br> Fulfild of donge and of corrupcioun! ** Tale, l. 206<!--534--> **:<small>Cf. Hesiod, ''[[Theogony]]'', l. 26; [[Odo of Cluny]]</small> * For dronkenesse is verray sepulture <br> Of mannes wit and his discrecioun. ** Tale, l. 230<!--558--> * And thou shalt kisse the reliks everichon, <br> Ye, for a grote! unbokel anon thy purs. ** Tale, l. 615<!--943--> * Gret swering is a thing abhominable, <br> And false swering is yet more reprevable. ** Tale, l. 303<!--631--> * ‘What? carl, with sory grace.’ ** Tale, l. 389<!--717--> * And lightly as it comth, so wol we spende. ** Tale, l. 453<!--781--> </br> === [[w:The Shipman's Tale|The Shipman's Tale]] === * He wolde sowen som difficultee, <br> Or springen cokkel in our clene corn. ** Prologue, l. 20<!--1182--> </br> === [[w:The Prioress's Tale|The Prioress's Tale]] === * He can nat stinte of singing by the weye. ** Tale, l. 105<!--1747--> * Mordre wol out, certein, it wol nat faille. ** Tale, l. 124<!--1766--> </br> === [[w:The Wife of Bath's Tale|The Wife of Bath's Tale]] === * Experience, though noon auctoritee <br> Were in this world, were right y-nough to me <br> To speke of wo that is in mariage. ** Prologue, l. 1 * Housbondes at chirche-dore I have had fyve; <br> For I so ofte have y-wedded be; <br> And alle were worthy men in hir degree. ** Prologue, l. 6 * Men may devyne and glosen up and doun. <br> But wel I woot expres, with-oute lye, <br> God bad us for to wexe and multiplye; <br> That gentil text can I wel understonde. ** Prologue, l. 26 * Blessed<!--'Yblessed'--> be god that I have wedded fyve! <br> Welcome the sixte, whan that ever he shal. <br> For sothe, I wol nat kepe me chast in al; <br> Whan myn housbond is fro the world y-gon, <br>Som Cristen man shal wedde me anon. ** Prologue, l. 44 * &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Th'Apostle<!--'thapostle'--> seith, that I am free <br> To wedde, a goddes half, wher it lyketh me. <br> He seith that to be wedded is no sinne; <br> Bet is to be wedded than to brinne. ** Prologue, l. 49 * Whan saugh ye ever, in any maner age, <br> That hye God<!--'god'--> defended mariage <br> By expres word? I pray you, telleth me; <br> Or wher comanded he virginitee? ** Prologue, l. 59 * Men may conseille a womman to been oon, <br> But conseilling is no comandement; <br> He putte it in our owene jugement<!--'Iugement'-->. <br> For hadde god comanded maydenhede, <br> Thanne hadde he dampned wedding with the dede. ** Prologue, l. 66 * And certes, if ther were no seed y-sowe, <br> Virginitee, wher-of than sholde it growe? ** Prologue, l. 71 * Hem lyketh to be clene, body and goost, <br> Of myn estaat I nil nat make no boost. <br> For wel ye knowe, '''a lord in his houshold, <br> He hath nat every vessel al of gold; <br> Somme been of tree, and doon hir lord servyse.''' <br> God clepeth folk to him in sondry wyse, <br> And everich hath of god a propre yifte, <br> Som this, som that,—as him lyketh shifte. ** Prologue, l. 97 **:<small>Purity in body and heart <br> May please some — as for me, I make no boast. <br> For, as you know, no master of a household <br> Has all of his utensils made of gold; <br> Some are wood, and yet they are of use. <br> (trans. David Wright)</small> * Virginitee is greet perfeccioun, <br> And continence eek with devocioun. <br> But Crist, that of perfeccioun is welle, <br> Bad nat every wight he shold go selle <br> All that he hadde, and give it to the pore, <br> And in swich wyse folwe hime and his fore. <br> He spak to hem that wolde live parfitly; <br> And lordinges, by your leve, that am nat I. ** Prologue, l. 105 * I wol bistowe the flour of al myn age <br> In the actes and in fruit of mariage. ** Prologue, l. 113 * So that the clerkes be nat with me wrothe, <br> I sey this, that they maked been for bothe, <br> This is to seye, for office, and for ese <br> Of engendrure, ther we nat god displese. ** Prologue, l. 125 * The bacoun was nat fet for hem, I trowe, <br> That som men han in Essex at Dunmowe. ** Prologue, l. 217 * Ye wyse wyves, that can understonde, <br> &nbsp;&nbsp; Thus shul ye speke and bere hem wrong on honde; <br> For half so boldely can ther no man <br> Swere and lyen as a womman can. ** Prologue, l. 225 * Thow seyst that dropping houses, and eek smoke, <br> And chyding wyves, maken men to flee <br> Out of hir owene hous; a! ''benedicite''! <br> What eyleth swich an old man for to chyde? ** Prologue, l. 278 * Thou lykenest wommanes love to helle, <br> To bareyne lond, ther water may not dwelle. <br> Thou lyknest it also to wilde fyr; <br> The more it brenneth, the more it hath desyr <br> To consume every thing that brent wol be. <br> Thou seyst, that right as wormes shende a tree, <br> Right so a wyf destroyeth hir housbonde; <br> This knowe they that been to wyves bonde. ** Prologue, l. 371 **:<small>Then you compared a woman's love to Hell, <br> To barren land where water will not dwell, <br> And you compared it to a quenchless fire, <br> The more it burns the more is its desire <br> To burn up everything that burnt can be. <br> You say that just as worms destroy a tree <br> A wife destroys her husband and contrives, <br> As husbands know, the ruin of their lives. <br> (trans. Nevill Coghill)</small> * I wolde no lenger in the bed abyde, <br> If that I felte his arm over my syde, <br> Til he had maad his raunson un-to me; <br> Than wolde I suffre him do his nycetee. <br> And ther-fore every man this tale I telle, <br> '''Winne who-so may, for al is for to selle.''' ** Prologue, l. 409 * '''With empty hand men may none haukes lure'''; <br> For winning wolde I al his lust endure, <br> And make me a feyned appetyt; <br> And yet in bacon hadde I never delyt. ** Prologue, l. 415 * And I was yong and ful of ragerye, <br> Stiborn and strong, and joly<!--'Ioly'--> as a [[Magpie|pye]]. <br> Wel coude I daunce to an harpe smale, <br> And singe, y-wis, as any nightingale, <br> Whan I had dronke a draughte of swete wyn. ** Prologue, l. 455 * And, after wyn, on Venus moste I thinke: <br> For al so siker as cold engendreth hayl, <br> A likerous mouth moste han a likerous tayl. ** Prologue, l. 464 * But, lord Crist! whan that it remembreth me <br> Up-on my yowthe, and on my jolitee<!--'Iolitee'-->, <br> It tikleth me aboute myn herte rote. <br> Unto this day it dooth myn herte bote <br> That I have had my world as in my tyme. ** Prologue, l. 469 * But age, allas! that al wol envenyme, <br> Hath me biraft my beautee and my pith; <br> Lat go, fare-wel, the devel go therwith! <br> The flour is goon, ther is na-more to telle, ** Prologue, l. 474 * In his owene grece I made him frye. ** Prologue, l. 487 **:<small>Cf. Shakespeare, ''[[The Merry Wives of Windsor#Act II|The Merry Wives of Windsor]]'', act II, sc. i, l. 60<!--69--></small> * By god, in erthe I was his purgatorie, <br> For which I hope his soule be in glorie. ** Prologue, l. 489 * &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; What thing we may nat lightly have, <br> Ther-after wol we crye al-day and crave. ** Prologue, l. 517 * Forbede us thing, and that desyren we; <br> Prees on us faste, and thanne wol we flee. <br> With daunger oute we al our chaffare; <br> Greet prees at market maketh dere ware, <br> And to greet cheep is holde at litel prys. ** Prologue, l. 519<!--525--> * And for to see, and eek for to be seye <br> Of lusty folk. ** Prologue, l. 552<!--6134--> **:<small>Cf. Ovid, ''[[Ars Amatoria]]'', bk. 1, l. 99</small> * I holde a mouses herte<!--or "wit"--> nat worth a leek, <br> That hath but oon hole for to sterte to. ** Prologue, l. 572<!--6154--> **:<small>Cf. Plautus, ''[[Truculentus]]'', act IV, sc. iv, l. 15</small> * But yet I hadde alwey a coltes tooth. <br> Gat-tothed I was, and that bicam me weel; <br> I hadde the prente of sëynt Venus seel. <br> As help me god, I was a lusty oon. ** Prologue, l. 602 * &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Myne housbondes tolde me, <br> I had the beste ''quoniam'' mighte be. ** Prologue, l. 606 * Venus me yaf my lust, my likerousnesse, <br> And Mars yaf me my sturdy hardinesse. ** Prologue, l. 611 * Allas! allas! that ever love was sinne! ** Prologue, l. 614 * Of [[Eve|Eva]] first, that, for hir wikkednesse, <br> Was al mankinde broght to wrecchednesse, <br> For which that Iesu Crist him-self was slayn, <br> That boghte us with his herte-blood agayn. <br> Lo, here expres of womman may ye finde, <br> That womman was the los of al mankinde. ** Prologue, l. 715 * And ther-with-al, he knew of mo proverbes <br> Than in this world ther growen gras or herbes. ** Prologue, l. 773 **:<small>Cf. [[s:Bible (Wycliffe)/Proverbs|Proverbs]] 11:22, 21:9</small> * &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; A womman cast hir shame away, <br> Whan she cast of hir smok. ** Prologue, l. 782 * He yaf me al the brydel in myn hond <br> To han the governance of hous and lond, <br> And of his tonge and of his hond also. ** Prologue, l. 813 * <!--'And that he seyde,'--> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; “Myn owene trewe wyf, <br> Do as thee lust the terme of al thy lyf, <br> Keep thyn honour, and keep eek myn estaat”— <br> After that day we hadden never debaat. ** Prologue, l. 819 * '''This is a long preamble of a tale!''' ** Prologue, l. 831 (Friar loq.) * In th'olde<!--'tholde'--> dayes of the king Arthour, <br> Of which that Britons speken greet honour, <br> All was this land fulfild of fayerye. <br> The elf-queen, with hir joly<!--'Ioly'--> companye, <br> Daunced ful ofte in many a grene mede; <br> This was the olde opinion, as I rede, <br> '''I speke of manye hundred yeres ago'''; <br> But now can no man see none elves mo. ** Tale, l. 1 [[File:Dust dancing in the sunlight Me 074a.jpg|thumb|<p>''As thikke as motes in the sonne-beem.''</p>As thick as motes in the sunbeam.]] * For now the grete charitee and prayeres <br> Of limitours and othere holy freres, <br> That serchen every lond and every streem, <br> '''As thikke as motes in the sonne-beem''', <br> Blessinge halles, chambres, kichenes, boures, <br> Citees, burghes, castels, hye toures, <br> Thropes, bernes, shipnes, dayeryes, <br> This maketh that ther been no fayeryes. ** Tale, l. 9<!--865--> * Of whiche mayde anon, maugree hir heed, <br> By verray force he rafte hir maydenheed. ** Tale, l. 31<!--887--> * Somme seyde, wommen loven best richesse, <br> Somme seyde, honour, somme seyde, jolynesse<!--'Iolynesse'-->; <br> Somme, riche array, somme seyden, lust abedde, <br> And ofte tyme to be widwe and wedde. ** Tale, l. 69<!--925--> * &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I wol nat lye; <br> A man shal winne us best with flaterye; <br> And with attendance, and with bisinesse, <br> Been we y-lymed, bothe more and lesse. ** Tale, l. 75<!--931--> * ‘My lige lady, generally,’ quod he, <br> ‘'''Wommen desyren to have sovereyntee <br> As wel over hir housbond as hir love''', <br> And for to been in maistrie him above; <br> This is your moste desyr, thogh ye me kille, <br> Doth as yow list, I am heer at your wille.’ ** Tale, l. 181<!--1037--> * Loke who that is most vertuous alway, <br> Privee and apert, and most entendeth ay <br> To do the gentil dedes that he can, <br> And tak him for the grettest gentil man. ** Tale, l. 257<!--6695--> * Crist wol, we clayme of him our gentillesse, <br> Nat of our eldres for hir old richesse. ** Tale, l. 261<!--1117--> * &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Men may wel often finde <br> A lordes sone do shame and vileinye; <br> And he that wol han prys of his gentrye <br> For he was boren of a gentil hous. ** Tale, l. 294<!--1150--> * He nis nat gentil, be he duk or erl; <br> For vileyns sinful dedes make a cherl. ** Tale, l. 301<!--1157--> * That he is gentil that doth gentil dedis. ** Tale, l. 314<!--1170; 6752--> * Povert is hateful good, and, as I gesse, <br> A ful greet bringer out of bisinesse. ** Tale, l. 339<!--1195--> * Povert ful ofte, whan a man is lowe, <br> Maketh his god and eek him-self to knowe. <br> Povert a spectacle is, as thinketh me, <br> Thurgh which he may his verray frendes see. ** Tale, l. 345<!--1201--> * &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Jesu<!--'Iesu'--> Crist us sende <br> Housbondes meke, yonge, and fresshe a-bedde, <br> And grace toverbyde hem that we wedde. <br> And eek I preye Iesu shorte hir lyves <br> That wol nat be governed by hir wyves; <br> And olde and angry nigardes of dispence, <br> God sende hem sone verray pestilence. ** Tale, l. 402<!--1258--> </br> === [[w:The Friar's Tale|The Friar's Tale]] === * The carl spak oo thing, but he thoghte another. ** Tale, l. 270<!--1568--> </br> === [[w:The Summoner's Tale|The Summoner's Tale]] === * Lyk an aspen leef he quook.<!--"Right as an aspen lefe she gan to quake." ~ ''Bartlett's Familiar Quotations'', 10th ed. (1919)--> ** Prologue, l. 3<!--1201--> * This Frere bosteth that he knoweth helle, <br> And god it woot, that it is litel wonder; <br> Freres and feendes been but lyte a-sonder. <br> For pardee, ye han ofte tyme herd telle, <br> How that a frere ravisshed was to helle <br> In spirit ones by a visioun; <br> And as an angel ladde him up and doun, <br> To shewen him the peynes that ther were, <br> In al the place saugh he nat a frere; <br> Of other folk he saugh y-nowe in wo. <br> Un-to this angel spak the frere tho: <br> &nbsp;&nbsp; “Now, sir,” quod he, “han freres swich a grace <br> That noon of hem shal come to this place?” <br> &nbsp;&nbsp; “Yis,” quod this angel, “many a millioun!” <br> And un-to Sathanas he ladde him doun. <br> “And now hath Sathanas,” seith he, “a tayl <br> Brodder than of a carrik is the sayl. <br> Hold up thy tayl, thou Sathanas!” quod he, <br> “Shewe forth thyn ers, and lat the frere see <br> Wher is the nest of freres in this place!” <br> And, er that half a furlong-wey of space, <br> Right so as bees out swarmen from an hyve, <br> Out of the develes ers ther gonne dryve <br> Twenty thousand freres in a route, <br> And thurgh-out helle swarmeden aboute; <br> And comen agayn, as faste as they may gon, <br> And in his ers they crepten everichon. <br> He clapte his tayl agayn, and lay ful stille. ** Prologue, l. 8<!--1672--> </br> === [[w:The Clerk's Tale|The Clerk's Tale]] === * For though we slepe or wake, or rome, or ryde, <br> Ay fleeth the tyme, it nil no man abyde. ** Tale, l. 62<!--118--> * And though your grene youthe floure as yit, <br> In crepeth age alwey, as stille as stoon, <br> And deeth manaceth every age, and smit <br> In ech estaat, for ther escapeth noon: <br> And al so certein as we knowe echoon <br> That we shul deye, as uncerteyn we alle <br> Been of that day whan deeth shal on us falle. ** Tale, l. 64<!--120--> **:<small>And through you are still in the flower of your young manhood, age creeps on steadily, as quiet as a stone, and death menaces every age and strikes in every rank, for no one escapes. As surely as we know that we will die, so we are uncertain of the day when death shall fall on us. (trans. R. M. Lumiansky)</small> * Ye been our lord, doth with your owene thing <br> Right as yow list. ** Tale, l. 596<!--652--> * Love is noght old as whan that it is newe. ** Tale, l. 801<!--857--> * Thus with hir fader, for a certeyn space, <br> Dwelleth '''this flour of wyfly pacience''', <br> That neither by hir wordes ne hir face <br> Biforn the folk, ne eek in hir absence, <br> Ne shewed she that hir was doon offence. ** Tale, l. 862<!--918; 8796--> * O stormy peple! unsad and ever untrewe! ** Tale, l. 939<!--995--> * Grisilde is deed, and eek hir pacience, <br> And bothe atones buried in Itaille; <br> For which I crye in open audience, <br> No wedded man so hardy be tassaille <br> His wyves pacience, in hope to finde <br> Grisildes, for in certein he shall faille! ** Tale, l. 1121<!--1177--> (Lenvoy de Chaucer) * Ye archewyves, stondeth at defence, <br> Sin ye be stronge as is a greet camaille; <br> Ne suffreth nat that men yow doon offence. <br> And sclendre wyves, feble as in bataille, <br> Beth egre as is a tygre yond in Inde; <br> Ay clappeth as a mille, I yow consaille. ** Tale, l. 1139<!--1195--> (Lenvoy de Chaucer) * Be ay of chere as light as leef on linde, <br> And lat him care, and wepe, and wringe, and waille! ** Tale, l. 1155<!--1211--> (Lenvoy de Chaucer) </br> === [[w:The Squire's Tale|The Squire's Tale]] === * A doghter hadde this worthy king also, <br> That yongest was, and highte Canacee. ** Tale, l. 24<!--32--> * But for to telle yow al hir beautee, <br> It lyth nat in my tonge, nin my conning; <br> I dar nat undertake so heigh a thing. <br> Myn English eek is insufficient; <br> It moste been a rethor excellent, <br> That coude his colours longing for that art, <br> If he sholde hir discryven every part. <br> I am non swich, I moot speke as I can. ** Tale, l. 26<!--34--> * &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;The Pegasee, <br> The hors that hadde winges for to flee. ** Tale, l. 199<!--207--> * They demen gladly to the badder ende. ** Tale, l. 216<!--224; 10538--> * Therfor bihoveth him<!--or "hire"--> a ful long spoon <br> That shal ete with a feend. ** Tale, l. 594<!--602--> **:<small>Cf. Shakespeare, ''[[The Comedy of Errors#Act IV|The Comedy of Errors]]'', act IV, sc. iii, l. 58<!--64--></small> * Men loven of propre kinde newfangelnesse. ** Tale, l. 602<!--610--> * I am lorn with-outen remedye! ** Tale, l. 621<!--629--> * &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Fy on possessioun <br> But-if a man be vertuous with-al. ** Franklin to the Squire, l. 14<!--686; Some editions put this in "The Franklin's Tale"--> </br> === [[w:The Franklin's Tale|The Franklin's Tale]] === * I sleep never on the mount of Pernaso, <br> Ne lerned Marcus Tullius Cithero. ** Prologue, l. 13<!--(49); 721--> * For o thing, sires, saufly dar I seye, <br> That frendes everich other moot obeye, <br> If they wol longe holden companye. <br> '''Love wol nat ben constreyned by maistrye; <br> Whan maistrie comth, the god of love anon <br> Beteth hise winges, and farewel! he is gon! <br> Love is a thing as any spirit free'''; <br> Wommen of kinde desiren libertee, <br> And nat to ben constreyned as a thral; <br> And so don men, if I soth seyen shal. ** Tale, l. 33<!--761--> * Pacience is an heigh vertu certeyn. ** Tale, l. 45<!--773--> * Servant in love, and lord in mariage. ** Tale, l. 65<!--793--> * Tak this for fynal answer as of me. ** Tale, l. 259<!--987--> * Til that the brighte sonne loste his hewe; <br> For thorisonte hath reft the sonne his light; <br> This is as muche to seye as it was night. ** Tale, l. 288<!--1016--> * It is agayns the proces of nature. ** Tale, l. 617<!--1345--> * Trouthe is the hyeste thing that man may kepe. ** l. 751<!--1479--> </br> === [[w:The Monk's Tale|The Monk's Tale]] === * For certein, whan that fortune list to flee, <br> Ther may no man the cours of hir withholde. ** l. 35<!--1995; 3185--> * Ful wys is he that can him-selven knowe. ** l. 149<!--2139; 3329--> **:<small>Cf. "[[w:Know thyself|Know thyself]]" and [[Heraclitus#Disputed|Heraclitus]]</small> * Redeth the grete poete of Itaille, <br> That highte [[Dante Alighieri|Dant]], for he can al devyse <br> Fro point to point, nat o word wol he faille. ** l. 470<!--2460; 3650--> * He was of knighthode and of fredom flour. ** l. 652<!--3832--> * Tragedie is noon other maner thing, <br> Ne can in singing crye ne biwaille, <br> But for that fortune alwey wol assaille <br> With unwar strook the regnes that ben proude; <br> For when men trusteth hir, than wol she faille, <br> And covere hir brighte face with a cloude. ** l. 771<!--3951--> </br> === [[w:The Parson's Tale|The Parson's Tale]] === * For the proverbe seith: that manye smale maken a greet. ** Tale, § 21<!--l. 361--> * Certes, they been lyk to houndes; for an hound, whan he comth by the roser or by othere [busshes], though he may nat pisse, yet wole he heve up his leg and make a contenaunce to pisse. ** Tale, § 76 </br> === [[w:The Canon's Yeoman's Tale|The Canon's Yeoman's Tale]] === * For whan a man hath over-greet a wit, <br> Ful oft him happeth to misusen it. ** Prologue, l. 95<!--648--> * The [[Planets|bodies sevene]] eek, lo! hem heer anoon: <br> Sol gold is, and Luna silver we threpe, <br> Mars yren, Mercurie quik-silver we clepe, <br> Saturnus leed, and Jupiter<!--'Iupiter'--> is tin, <br> And Venus coper, by my fader kin! ** Tale, l. 272<!--825--> * But al thing which that shyneth as the gold <br> Nis nat gold, as that I have herd it told. ** Tale, l. 409<!--962--> **:<small>Cf. "[[w:All that glitters is not gold|All that glitters is not gold]]" and [[Alain de Lille]]</small> </br> === [[w:The Manciple's Tale|The Manciple's Tale]] === * Lat take a cat, and fostre him wel with milk, <br> And tendre flesh, and make his couche of silk, <br> And lat him seen a mous go by the wal; <br> Anon he weyveth milk, and flesh, and al, <br> And every deyntee that is in that hous, <br> Swich appetyt hath he to ete a mous. ** Tale, l. 71<!--175--> * For men han ever a likerous appetyt <br> On lower thing to parfourne hir delyt <br> Than on hir wyves, be they never so faire, <br> Ne never so trewe, ne so debonaire. ** Tale, l. 85<!--189--> * [[Flesh]] is so newefangel, with meschaunce, <br> That we ne conne in no-thing han plesaunce <br> That souneth in-to vertu any whyle. ** Tale, l. 89<!--193--> * My sone, keep wel thy tonge and keep thy freend. ** Tale, l. 215<!--319--> * The firste vertu, sone, if thou wolt lere, <br> Is to restreyne and kepe wel thy tonge. ** Tale, l. 228<!--332--> * Thing that is seyd, is seyd; and forth it gooth. ** Tale, l. 251<!--355--> * Kepe wel thy tonge, and thenk up-on the crowe. ** Tale, l. 258<!--362--> </br> === [[w:The Merchant's Tale|The Merchant's Tale]] === * Weping and wayling. ** Prologue, l. 1<!--1213--> * &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; It is no childes pley <br> To take a wyf with-oute avysement. ** Tale, l. 286<!--1530--> * For love is blind. ** Tale, l. 354<!--1598--> **:<small>Cf. Shakespeare, ''[[A Midsummer Night's Dream#Act I|A Midsummer Night's Dream]]'', act I, sc. i, l. 234</small> * My wit is thinne. ** Tale, l. 438<!--1682--> * Ther nis no werkman, what-so-ever he be, <br> That may bothe werke wel and hastily; <br> This wol be doon at leyser parfitly. ** Tale, l. 588<!--1832--> </br> == Quotes about ''The Canterbury Tales'' == * Here is God's plenty. ** [[John Dryden]], Preface to ''[[w:Fables, Ancient and Modern|Fables]]'' (1700) == Translations == * ''[[Fables, Ancient and Modern]]'', trans. [[John Dryden]] (1700) * [https://archive.org/details/canterburytales0000kent/page/n5/mode/2up ''Canterbury Tales''], trans. J. U. Nicolson (Garden City Books, 1934) * [https://archive.org/details/canterburytaleso0000geof/mode/2up ''The Canterbury Tales''], trans. [[w:Robert Lumiansky|R. M. Lumiansky]] (Simon and Schuster, 1948) * [https://archive.org/details/canterburytales0000unse_l2v2/page/n7/mode/2up ''The Canterbury Tales''], trans. [[w:Nevill Coghill|Nevill Coghill]] (Penguin Books, 1952) * [https://archive.org/details/canterburytales0000chau_r1n1/mode/2up ''The Canterbury Tales''], trans. [[w:David Wright (poet)|David Wright]] (Oxford World's Classics, 1986 [OUP, 1985]) == See also == * ''[[The Decameron]]'' * ''[[One Thousand and One Nights]]'' == External links == {{Wikipedia}} [[Category:Poetry]] fw499du7kjdzpdx8pm47esl90ksoxo5 0 291987 3778810 3777169 2025-07-14T19:18:27Z A23423413 3125316 /* Quotes about */ add 3778810 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Jean Rhys (left, in hat) with Mollie Stoner, Velthams, 1970s B.jpg|thumb|Jean Rhys (with hat)]] '''[[w:Jean Rhys|Jean Rhys]]''', CBE (/riːs/ REESS; born '''Ella Gwendoline Rees Williams'''; 24 August 1890 – 14 May 1979) was a novelist who was born on [[w:Dominica|Dominica]] and from the age of 16 on resided mainly in England. == Quotes == *(How much in your books comes from personal experience?) RHYS: If you experience a thing you know you can write it so much more, but life's one thing, a book's another. **interview in ''The Transatlantic Review'' No. 36 (Summer 1970) *It's a lovely feeling to know you can do exactly as you like. **interview in ''The Transatlantic Review'' No. 36 (Summer 1970) ===[https://www.theparisreview.org/interviews/3380/the-art-of-fiction-no-64-jean-rhys Interview] with ''The Paris Review'' (1979)=== *The things you remember have no form. When you write about them, you have to give them a beginning, a middle, and an end. To give life shape—that is what a writer does. That is what is so difficult. *I've noticed that. They believe the lies far more than they believe the truth. *When I was excited about life, I didn't want to write at all. I've never written when I was happy. I didn't want to. But I've never had a long period of being happy. 'Do you think think anyone has? I think you can be peaceful for a long time. When I think about it, if I had to choose, I'd rather be happy than write. You see, there's very little invention in my books. What came first with most of them was the wish to get rid of this awful sadness that weighed me down. I found when I was a child that if I could put the hurt into words, it would go. It leaves a sort of melancholy behind and then it goes. *I suppose the [[fantastic]] is what you imagine, but as soon as you do a fantastic thing, it's no longer fantastic, it becomes real. *One is born either to go with or to go against. ===''Sleep It Off, Lady'' (1976)=== collection of short stories *She could give herself up to the written word as naturally as a good dancer to music or a fine swimmer to water. The only difficulty was that after finishing the last sentence she was left with a feeling at once hollow and uncomfortably full. Exactly like indigestion. ("The Insect World") *Ash had fallen. Perhaps it had fallen the night before or perhaps it was still falling. I can only remember in patches. I was looking at it two feet deep on the flat roof outside my bedroom. The ash and the silence. Nobody talked in the street, nobody talked while we ate, or hardly at all. I know now that they were all frightened. They thought our volcano was going up. (beginning of "Heat") *There is no control over memory. Quite soon you find yourself being vague about an event which seemed so important at the time that you thought you'd never forget it. Or unable to recall the face of someone whom you could have sworn was there for ever. On the other hand, trivial and meaningless memories may stay with you for life. I can still shut my eyes and see Victoria grinding coffee on the pantry steps, the glass bookcase and the books in it, my father's pipe-rack, the leaves of the sandbox tree, the wallpaper of the bedroom in some shabby hotel, the hairdresser in Antibes. It's in this way that I remember buying the pink milanese silk underclothes, the assistant who sold them to me and coming into the street holding the parcel. (beginning of "On Not Shooting Sitting Birds") * One October afternoon Mrs Baker was having tea with Miss Verney and talking about the proposed broiler factory in the middle of the village where they both lived. Miss Verney, who had not been listening attentively, said, 'You know Letty, I've been thinking a great deal about death lately. I hardly ever do, strangely enough.' (beginning of the story "Sleep It Off, Lady") *He was intimately acquainted with the police of three countries, and he sat alone in a small restaurant not far from the Boulevard Montparnasse sipping an apéritif moodily, for he disliked Montparnasse and detested solitude. He had left his native Montmartre to dine with a lady and had arrived twenty minutes late. She was not of those usually kept waiting and she had already departed.<br>'Sacré Floriane', muttered the Chevalier. He looked at a Swedish couple at the next table, at the bald American by the door, and at the hairy Anglo-Saxon novelist in the corner, and thought that they were a strange-looking lot, and exceedingly depressing. (Quelles gueules qu'ils ont, was how he put it.)... **beginning of "The Chevalier of the Place Blanche" ===''Tigers are Better-Looking'' (1968)=== collection of short stories *...there is peace in despair in exactly the same way as there is despair in peace ("Outside the Machine") *...What is not there you put in afterwards, for it is alive, this book, and it grows in your head. ("Till September Petronella") *'Mein Lieb, Mon Cher, My Dear, Amigo,' the letter began (beginning of the story "Tigers Are Better-looking") ===''Wide Sargasso Sea'' (1966)=== ====Part One==== *They say when trouble comes close ranks, and so the white people did. But we were not in their ranks. The Jamaican ladies had never approved of my mother, ‘because she pretty like pretty self’ Christophine said. (first lines) *I thought if I told no one it might not be true. *I woke the next morning knowing that nothing would be the same. It would change and go on changing. ====Part Two==== *So it was all over, the advance and retreat, the doubts and hesitations. Everything finished, for better or for worse. (first lines) *I sit at my window and the words fly past me like birds — with God's help I catch some. *She had left me thirsty and all my life would be thirst and longing for what I had lost before I found it. *It was a beautiful place - wild, untouched, above all untouched, with an alien, disturbing, secret loveliness. And it kept its secret. I'd find myself thinking, 'What I see is nothing - I want what it ''hides'' - that is not nothing'. *Lies are never forgotten, they go on and they grow. *"...Money have pretty face for everybody, but for that man money pretty like pretty self, he can't see nothing else. ===''Good Morning, Midnight'' (1939)=== *'Quite like old times,' the room says. 'Yes? No?'<br>There are two beds, a big one for madame and a smaller one on the opposite side for monsieur. The wash-basin is shut off by a curtain. It is a large room, the smell of cheap hotels faint, almost imperceptible. The street outside is narrow, cobble-stoned, going sharply uphill and ending in flight of steps. What they call an impasse.<br>I have been here five days. I have decided on a place to eat in at midday, a place to eat in at night, a place to have my drink in after dinner. I have arranged my little life. **beginning of book *I...think about being hungry, being cold, being hurt, being ridiculed, as if it were in another life than this.<br>This damned room - it's saturated with the past. . . .It's all the rooms I've ever slept in, all the streets I've ever walked in. Now the whole thing moves in an ordered, undulating procession past my eyes. Rooms, streets, streets, rooms. . . . **page 109 ===''Voyage in the Dark'' (1934)=== *It was as if a curtain had fallen, hiding everything I had ever known. It was almost like being born again. The colours were different, the smells different, the feeling things gave you right down inside yourself was different. Not just the difference between heat, cold; light, darkness; purple, grey. But a difference in the way I was frightened and the way I was happy. (first lines of Part One) *I don't know how people live when they know exactly what's going to happen to them each day. (Part One, 7th section) *...There's fear, of course, with everybody. But now it had grown, it had grown gigantic; it filled me and it filled the whole world. (Part One, 9th section) *It's funny when you feel as if you don't want anything more in your life except to sleep, or else to lie without moving. That's when you can hear time sliding past you, like water running. (Part two, 1st section) ===''After leaving Mr. Mackenzie'' (1931)=== ====Part I==== The rumble of the life outside was like the sound of the sea which was rising gradually around her. (chapter 1) She was a shadow, kept alive by a flame of hatred for somebody who had long ago forgotten all about her. (chapter 1) *She seemed to be contemplating a future at once monotonous and insecure with an indifference which was after all a sort of hard-won courage. (chapter 3) ====Part II==== *It was the darkness that got you. It was heavy darkness, greasy and compelling. It made walls round you, and shut you in so that you felt like you could not breathe. (chapter 3) *"It's so easy to make a person who hasn't got anything seem wrong." (chapter 4) *She said 'darling' with her lips, but her heart was dead. (chapter 5) *When you were nineteen, and it was the first time you had been let down, you did not make scenes. You felt as if your back was broken, as if you would never move again. But you did not make a scene. That started later on, when the same thing had happened five or six times over, and you were supposed to be getting used to it. (chapter 6) *The last time you were happy about nothing; the first time you were afraid about nothing. Which came first? (chapter 12) *When you are a child you are yourself and you know and see everything prophetically. And then suddenly something happens and you stop being yourself; you become what others force you to be. You lose your wisdom and your soul. (chapter 12) ===''Postures'' or ''Quartet'' (1929)=== ====part I==== *'They touch life with gloves on. They're pretending about something all the time. Pretending quite nice and decent things, of course. But still...'<br>'Everybody pretends,' Marya was thinking... **p7 One can drift like that for a long time, she found, carefully hiding the fact that this wasn't what one had expected of life. Not in the very least. (p16) *She spent the foggy day in endless, aimless walking, for it seemed to her that if she moved quickly enough she would escape the fear that hunted her. It was a vague and shadowy fear of something cruel and stupid that had caught her and would never let her go. She had always known that it was there - hidden under the more of less pleasant surface of things. Always. Ever since she was a child.<br>You could argue about hunger or cold or loneliness, but with that fear you couldn't argue. It went too deep. You were too mysteriously sure of its terror. You could only walk very fast and try to leave it behind you. **p33 *no good ever comes from being too polite. (p40) ===''The Left Bank & Other Stories'' (1927)=== *They sat at a corner table in the little restaurant, eating with gusto and noise after the manner of simple-hearted people who like their neighbours to see and know their pleasures. (beginning of "Trio") *One of those cold, heavy days in spring - a hard sky with a glare behind the cloud, all the new green of the trees hanging still and sullen. (beginning of "The Grey Day") *Funny how it's slipped away, Vienna. Nothing left but a few snapshots. (beginning of "Vienne") *the search for illusion a craving, almost a vice, the stolen waters and the bread eaten in secret of [her] life. ("Illusion") *It was obvious that this was not an Anglo-Saxon: he was too gay, too dirty, too unreserved and in his little eyes was such a mellow comprehension of all the sins and the delights of life. He was drinking rapidly one glass of beer after another, smoking a long, curved pipe, and beaming contentedly on the world. The woman with him wore a black coat and skirt; she had her back to us.<br>I said:<br>'Who's the happy man in the corner? I've never seen him before.' **beginning of "Tea with an Artist" *One shuts one's eyes and sees it written: red letters on a black ground:<br>Le Saut dans l'Inconnu. . . . Le Saut...<br>Stupidly I think: But why in French? Of course it must be a phrase I have read somewhere. Idiotic.<br> I screw up my eyes wildly to get rid of it: next moment it is back again.<br> Red letters on a black ground.<br> One lies staring at the exact shape of the S. **beginning of "A Night" ===from letters=== *I wonder too if I am terribly excited about something that has been done ages ago (1964) *Very few people change after well say seven or seventeen. Not really. They get more this or more that and of course look a bit different. But inside they are the same. (1955) *I don't believe in the individual Writer so much as in Writing. It uses you and throws you away when you are not useful any longer. But it does not do this until you are useless and quite useless too. Meanwhile there is nothing to do but plod along line by line. (1953) *Everyone does seem very pessimistic about the future of writing and art in general. But hasn't it always been a fight? I remember how very bitter most of the English in Paris were about that very subject ages ago. (1953) *I usually dislike my books, sometimes, don't want to touch them. But the Next One will be a bit better. I am always excited and forget all failures and all else. (1953) *Writing can be (among other things), a safety valve. (1949) * I like emotion, I approve of it-in fact am capable of wallowing in it. (1946) *I think that the Anglo-Saxon idea that you can be rude with impunity to any female who has written a book is utterly ''damnable''. You come and have a look out of curiosity and then allow the freak to see what you think of her. It's only done to the more or less unsuccessful and only by Anglo-Saxons. Well... if it were my last breath I'd say HELL TO IT and to the people who do it- (1936) *You see I don't even know myself and am really trying to argue it out with myself - anyway it isn't very important. (1934) *I am always being told that until my work ceases being "sordid and depressing" I haven't much chance of selling. (1931) == Quotes about == *When I moved to Scotland, I discovered [[Jean Rhys]], and she became a haunting influence on my work...As in the case of Jean Rhys, writers who moved to Britain in their youth struck a special chord with me as outsiders grappling with issues similar to my own—[[Abdulrazak Gurnah]], [[Buchi Emecheta]], [[Ahdaf Soueif]]. **[[Leila Aboulela]] [https://www.worldliteraturetoday.org/2020/winter/writing-spiritual-offering-conversation-leila-aboulela-keija-parssinen Interview] with ''World Literature Today'' (2019) *It was in the States that I saw my first ever copy of Jean Rhys. It was her book, ''Voyage in the Dark''. It was the simplicity and beauty of the prose that I loved. But it was a horrible book, really, for a young girl to read. Jean Rhys felt she was a victim. I tried to tell her that. I only met her once, in London, with her husband. Her style was so pure but she wrote about impure things. **[[Phyllis Shand Allfrey]] in ''Writing lives: conversations between women writers'' (1988) *of the five collected novels, the one that hit home the hardest was Voyage in the Dark. Reading it was a painful voyage into my own cluelessness and powerlessness, a voyage that many young women of my generation, on the cusp of the women's movement, had embarked upon...Rhys's portrayals of young women who fall prey to rapacious situations, canaries in the mine shaft of patriarchy, smart girls with nowhere to go but the wrong man's arms or Anna Karenina's train tracks, spoke to many of us embarking on our journeys...by allowing her female characters a full range of feelings and not airbrushing them into simple virtuous victimhood, Rhys liberates us all from the danger of a single, monochrome self and story...That ability to imagine a life so intimately and richly is Jean Rhys's gift to us. For that she should have been knighted. Instead, I'd like to imagine her even rather happy (perhaps!) with what her stories have become: food to nourish all our souls. **[[Julia Alvarez]]. from Introduction to ''Voyage in the Dark'' *I admire Jean Rhys, especially ''Wide Sargasso Sea'', but she is too limited by her pathology. **[[Anita Brookner]] [https://www.theparisreview.org/interviews/2630/the-art-of-fiction-no-98-anita-brookner interview] with paris Review (1987) *A reader new to Rhys usually puzzles over her viewpoint looking both ways across the channel and the Atlantic, she seems for and against both perspectives. Her insider-outsider's treatment of England, France and the Caribbean gnaws at comfortable ethnocentricisms.... Looking for some kind of familiar ground, the reader tries to fit Rhys into available models of contemporary fiction, and fails. She belongs to no recognizable school, fits into no ready-made slot.<br>Rhys's fiction belongs, as she did, to worlds whose mutual understanding has "the feeling...of... things that... couldn't fit together." The dissonances of seemingly different worlds inform the Rhysian novel, finding coherence in her art...All her work is charged with a sense of belonging in many wheres at once. **Jean D'Costa, essay in ''Fifty Caribbean Writers'' edited by Daryl Dance (1986) *(What moves you most in a work of literature?) I’m not yet the writer I aspire to be, but at my age, great books written by women over 60 give me hope. [[Diana Athill]], [[Colette]], [[Harriett Doerr]], [[Marguerite Duras]], [[Grace Paley]], [[Elena Poniatowska]], [[Jean Rhys]], [[Mercé Rodoreda]], to name but a few. **[[Sandra Cisneros]] [https://www.nytimes.com/2021/09/02/books/review/sandra-cisneros-by-the-book-interview.html interview] (2021) *Jean Rhys maddens me because she's got this wonderful art-deco prose style, and all it does is paint the same picture of the thwarted woman who's got out of an unbearable relationship but who sees nothing before her except the possibility of another unbearable relationship which she'll be in just as long as she can bear it, and then she'll be back sitting in the corner of this cafe with some single glass of absinthe that she has to make last for four hours because she can only afford one glass. This is after leaving Mr. Mackenzie and before meeting Mr. Somebody Else. I think, "Oh, Jean, for God's sake" - this is so empty and so self-regarding, an exquisite piece of nothing. Just paper cutouts. **[[Germaine Greer]], ''Women writers talking'' (1983) *...Jean Rhys, I think, wrote the best West Indian novel...''Wide Sargasso Sea''. **[[John Hearne]], interview in ''New world Adams: conversations with contemporary West Indian Writers'' by Daryl Dance (1994) *''Wide Sargasso Sea'' has 190 pages of words, and each one was weighed and considered in relation to every other in a way that I have never seen except in a poem. It is a poem, and, to paraphrase its author, all her life was in it.<br> How much this is literally true can be seen from her unfinished autobiography, ''Smile Please'' (1979). From the portrait of her mother and their antagonistic relationship, to her descriptions of Black people, and her own feelings of being an outcast among white and Black, even to the vegetation, the parrot, the patchwork quilt-the West Indian terrain of Wide Sargasso Sea is shown to be drawn from her own life there. Ms. Rhys, from childhood in the West Indies and adulthood in Europe, had many scores to settle and her creation of Antoinette was for the purpose of settling them. She wanted to burn down all that Rochester symbolized on her own behalf as a West Indian woman, and she wanted us to know.<br>In the original Brontë story of ''[[Jane Eyre]]'', the first Mrs. Rochester's maiden name was Mason. Ms. Rhys gives Antoinette another name so that both her mother and father are Creole and the European Mason is the stepfather. The name she gives her is Cosway or causeway, the bridge between the Third World and Europe, between one race and another, a causeway from defeat to victory. I believe it is a triumph for us as women, for all of us as citizens of the world. **[[Selma James]], "The Ladies and the Mammies - [[Jane Austen]] and [[Jean Rhys]]" (1983), collected in ''Sex, Race and Class'' (2012) *No one captured epic sadness as well as Jean Rhys, and none of her books captured it as unapologetically as ''Good Morning, Midnight'' **[[Leslie Jamison]], Introduction to ''Good Morning, Midnight'' *Miss Rhys's work seems to me to be so very good, so vivid, so extraordinarily distinguished by the rendering of passion, and so true, that I wish to be connected with it. **[[Ford Madox Ford]] introduction in ''The Left Bank'' (1927) *somebody who has confirmed my vision of literature is Jean Rhys...when I read Jean Rhys’s first novel, I never imagined that she was inventing. It fascinated me, I liked it because she breaks with the vision of woman in literature as a docile, noble creature, influenced by her family and everything. I read all of her works, and I thought that I knew her very well, until I finally realized that she had invented herself completely, so much so that she forbade them to write her biography because she didn’t want the public to see that she was different from the protagonists she had created. I was very pleased because I felt that rather than being a strange phenomenon I was somebody connected to another writer in a different country. **[[Silvia Molina]] in ''Broken bars : new perspectives from Mexican women writers'' by Kay S Garcia (1994) *That fire<br>you lit<br>our beacon<br>to safe harbour<br>in the islands. **[[Olive Senior]], fragment from [https://global.uwi.edu/sites/default/files/bnccde/dominica/conference/rhys/meditation.html "Meditation on Red"] in ''Gardening in The Tropics'' *...Jean Rhys or [[Octavia Butler]], lady writers much loved but rarely copied. There's too much freedom in them. **[[Zadie Smith]] ''Feel Free: Essays'' (2018) *...she was very serious about writing. She was a funny woman, and very vain and coquettish about her appearance...she was a very truthful person...She had a far more interesting life than appears in those unfinished memoirs. **[[Paul Theroux]] in ''Conversations with American writers'' by Charles Ruas (1985) == External links== {{Wikipedia}} *[https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/25022.Jean_Rhys Goodreads page] *[https://www.theguardian.com/books/2022/apr/27/where-to-start-with-jean-rhys "Where to Start With Jean Rhys"] by Miranda Seymour (2022) {{DEFAULTSORT:Rhys, Jean}} [[Category:Novelists]] [[Category:Short story writers]] [[Category:Essayists]] [[Category:Women authors]] [[Category:1890 births]] [[Category:1979 deaths]] [[Category:Immigrants to the United Kingdom]] 1po018lfapspvm07rpieg0glm4j9ugd 0 292256 3778870 3764207 2025-07-14T21:13:48Z 2600:1005:B001:4C74:0:7:7AD9:3001 3778870 wikitext text/x-wiki {{SpongeBob header}} '''Kreepaway Kamp''' is an episode of [[SpongeBob SquarePants]] from [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 14|season 14]], which aired on October 10, 2024, as part of the show's 25th anniversary. It is a crossover special between the main series and [[Kamp Koral: SpongeBob's Under Years]]. Featuring the guest stars of India de Beaufort, Jess Harnell, Carlos Alazraqui and Kate Higgins. ==Dialogue== :''[Bubble transition to SpongeBob, Patrick, and Sandy, wearing backpacks, leaving the treedome.]'' :'''Patrick:''' Oh, boy, I can't wait to go back to Kamp Koral! :'''SpongeBob:''' Yeah, but how are we gonna get there? My unicycle's in the shop. :'''Sandy:''' Well-- :'''Patrick:''' I know! We could prance! :'''SpongeBob:''' Oh, boy! I haven't pranced in ages! :''[They take each other's hands, sing, and start skipping. SpongeBob grabs Sandy's hand and she joins in. Shortly after, they are stopped by a bus arriving. Krabs comes out.]'' :'''Krabs:''' Just get on the bus. :'''SpongeBob:''' Oh, yeah, the bus. :'''Patrick:''' ''[mumbling]'' :'''Sandy:''' Yeah, I do suppose that makes sense. :''[They get on the bus. It drives past a "You Are Now Leaving Bikini Bottom" sign. Tall Tail runs behind.]'' :'''Tall Tail:''' ''[panting]'' Wait for me, dudes! :''[SpongeBob looks over at everyone on the bus and imagines them as their younger Kamp Koral selves.]'' :'''Bubble Bass:''' And that's why Barnacle Boy, with both hands... ''[anchovies meeping]'' :'''Anchovies:''' ''[meeping]'' :'''Chovy:''' Moop moop moop. :'''Craig and Larry:''' ''[laughing]'' :'''Patrick:''' ''[opens the window, sticks his tongue out]'' :'''Sandy:''' ''[pulls him back inside, his tongue wraps around his head]'' :'''Patrick:''' ''[laughing]'' :''[Mr. Krabs still looks very old.]'' :'''Krabs:''' What are you looking at, boy-o? ''[fades into his present-day outfit, but still looks old]'' :'''SpongeBob:''' ''[admiring]'' ''[sighs]'' You haven't changed a bit since camp, Mr. Krabs. ''[walks out to the front of the bus, waves]'' Greetings, fellow campers! ''[pulls pants up]'' I'd like to personally thank whoever invited us to the big reunion! So, ''[swings hand]'' who was it? :'''Bus riders:''' ''[overlapping chatter]'' Not me! :'''Krabs:''' Oh, well. We're sure to know when we get there. Next stop, Kamp Money! :''[The bus riders stare at him with blank expressions.]'' :'''Mrs. Puff:''' Eugene! :'''Krabs:''' I mean, ''[leans forward]'' Kamp Koral! :''[Everyone on the bus cheers. Tall Tail is now riding on top of it.]'' :'''Tall Tail:''' Yeah! Whoo! :''[Bubble transition to the bus arriving in front of camp. Everyone steps out.]'' :'''SpongeBob:''' ''[takes out a picture, which shows a CGI scene at Kamp Koral]'' Ah, good old Kamp Koral. ''[lowers it to see the sign collapsed]'' It seems different somehow. :'''Patrick:''' ''[points to the sign]'' Looks like they changed the name to Ka-Ka. :'''Mrs. Puff:''' ''[over a pan to the camp in disrepair]'' Well, I must say, the place has really gone to pot. :''[Pearl and Bubble Bass walk forward.]'' :'''Sandy:''' ''[shakes fist]'' Well, I think someone is pulling a fast one with this reunion. :'''Krabs:''' ''[baby talking to nickel]'' Don't listen to her, little nickel. We'll find your friends soon. ''[puts the map under his armpit and tiptoes away]'' :'''Pearl:''' ''[struggles to exit a cabin]'' This place is, like, way smaller than I remember. :'''Bubble Bass:''' ''[pushes up glasses]'' It's not smaller. You're just bigger. But it is a lot crummier. ''[leans against a barrel, which breaks]'' Agh! :'''Pearl:''' ''[laughs]'' [[Category:SpongeBob SquarePants episodes]] trpq91qf7vgg9v5ravs1j5raa7rmfmi 0 292304 3779057 3774323 2025-07-15T09:45:34Z 1.40.55.200 3779057 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:How to Train Your Dragon (2025 film)|How to Train Your Dragon]]''''' is a 2025 live-action film and a remake of the [[How to Train Your Dragon (film)|2010 animated film of the same name]], loosely based on the children's novel by [[w:Cressida Cowell|Cressida Cowell]]. The film focuses on the [[w:Viking|Viking]] village of Berk, the inhabitants of which fight a never-ending war with multiple varieties of [[w:Dragon|dragon]], until the chieftan's misfit son, Hiccup, accidentally captures one and ends up befriending it. :''Directed by {{w|Dean DeBlois}}. Written by DeBlois.'' {{center|'''The legend is real.''' [[#Taglines|taglines]]}} {{film-stub}} == Dialogue == :'''Hiccup (v.o.):''' This is Berk. So far off the map but it might as well not exist. ''[We glide through the fog to see two giant Viking statues with fires burning in their mouths. We go past the statues only to dive through a crashing wave and jump to a closer shot of the island. As we pan in a circular motion, we see several structures, houses, and a sheep farm.]'' :'''Hiccup (v.o):''' My village. In a word, sturdy. And it's been here for generations, but every single building is new. The air is crisp, the water is clean, and the viewers of nothing to complain about. ''[We land on fake sheep grazing in the grass.]'' :'''Hiccup (v.o):''' The only downsides are the pests. ''[A dragon carries one fake sheep away. The alarm is bells.]'' You see, most places have mice or mosquitoes. We have... ''[A dragon fires at the screen as door slams shut, a boy dodged behind it]'' :'''Hiccup:''' Dragons. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hiccup''': I really did hit one. :'''Gobber''': Sure, Hiccup. :'''Hiccup''': ''[about his father]'' He never listens. :'''Gobber''': It runs in the family. :'''Hiccup''': And when he does, it's always with this... disappointed scowl, like someone skimped on the meat in his sandwich. ''[imitating his father]'' "Excuse me, barmaid! I'm afraid you brought me the wrong offspring! I ordered an extra-large boy with beefy arms, extra guts, and glory on the side! This here, this is a talking fishbone!" :'''Gobber''': Now, you're thinkin' about this all wrong. It's not so much what you look like. It's what's ''inside'' that he can't stand. :'''Hiccup''': ''[sarcastically]'' Thank you for summing that up. :'''Gobber''': Look, the point is, stop trying so hard to be something you're ''not''. :'''Hiccup''': I just wanna be one of you guys. ''[goes inside his house, then goes out the back door, out of his village, to look for Toothless]'' <hr width="50%"/> :''[Hiccup returns home after failing to kill Toothless. He tries to sneak up to his bedroom, but Stoick hears him]'' :'''Stoick''': Hiccup. :'''Hiccup''': Dad! Uh, I have to talk to you, Dad. :'''Stoick''': I need to speak with you too, son. :''[They both take deep breaths and speak at once.]'' :'''Hiccup''': I've decided I don't want to fight dragons. :'''Stoick''': I think it's time you learned to fight dragons. :'''Hiccup and Stoick''': ''[beat]'' What? :'''Stoick''': Uh, you go first. :'''Hiccup''': ''[kindly]'' No, no, you go first. :'''Stoick''': Alright. ''[takes another deep breath]'' You get your wish. Dragon Training. You start in the morning. :'''Hiccup''': ''[panicked]'' Oh, man, I should have gone first! Uh, 'cause I was thinking, you know, we have a surplus of dragon-fighting Vikings. But do we have enough...bread-making Vikings? Or small home repair Vikings? :'''Stoick''': ''[not paying attention; drops a large battle axe into Hiccup's arms]'' You'll need this. :'''Hiccup''': I don't wanna fight dragons. :'''Stoick''': ''[chuckles]'' Oh, come on. Yes, you do. :'''Hiccup''': Rephrase: Dad, I ''can't'' kill dragons! :'''Stoick''': But you ''will'' kill dragons! :'''Hiccup''': No, I'm really very extra sure that I won't. :'''Stoick''': It's time, Hiccup. :'''Hiccup''': ''[desperately]'' Can you not hear me?! :'''Stoick''': This is ''serious'', son! ''[takes the axe from Hiccup]'' When you carry this axe, ''[returns the axe]'' you carry all of us with you. Which means you ''walk'' like us, you ''talk'' like us, you ''think'' like us. No more of... ''[gestures to Hiccup]'' this. :'''Hiccup''': ''[sighs]'' You just gestured to ''all'' of me. :'''Stoick''': Deal? :'''Hiccup''': This conversation is feeling very one-sided... :'''Stoick''': ''Deal?'' :'''Hiccup''': ''[sighs; giving in]'' Deal. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gobber''': WELCOME TO DRAGON TRAINING! :'''Astrid''': No turning back. :''[The teens enter the arena and look around in wonder]'' :'''Tuffnut''': I hope I get some serious burns! :'''Ruffnut''': I'm hoping for some mauling, like on my shoulder or lower back. :'''Astrid''': [''wryly''] Yeah, it's only fun if you get a scar out of it. :'''Hiccup''': [''entering behind the others; unenthusiastic''] Yeah, no kidding, right? Pain, love it. :'''Tuffnut''': Oh, great! Who let ''him'' in? :'''Gobber''': Let's get started! The recruit who does best will win the honor of killing his first dragon in front of the entire village. :'''Snotlout''': ''[mockingly]'' Hiccup already killed a Night Fury, so does that disqualify him, or...? :[''Snotlout and the twins snicker''] :'''Tuffnut''': Can I switch classes with the cool Vikings? :'''Gobber''': ''[aside, to Hiccup]'' Don't worry, you're small and weak. That'll make you less of a target. They'll see you as sick or insane and go after the more Viking-like teens instead. ''[aloud, to the other teens]'' Behind these doors are just a few of the many species you will learn to fight! The Deadly Nadder. :'''Fishlegs''': Speed 8, Armor 16. :'''Gobber''': The Hideous Zippleback. :'''Fishlegs''': Plus 11 stealth times 2. :'''Gobber''': The Monstrous Nightmare. :'''Fishlegs''': Firepower 15. :'''Gobber''': The Terrible Terror. :'''Fishlegs''': Attack 8! Venom 12! :'''Gobber''': [''irritated''] '''''CAN YOU STOP THAT?!''''' And the... Gronckle. :'''Fishlegs''': [''whispers to Hiccup''] Jaw strength 8. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Gobber''': The Terrible Terror! :[''From a pet door emerges a small, green dragon about the size of a Chihuahua.''] :'''Tuffnut''': Ha! That's like the size of my-- [''the Terror leaps onto his face. The Terrible Terror chases a shiny light created by Hiccup's shield back into the enclosure''] <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Hiccup stops Toothless from attacking Astrid]'' :'''Hiccup''': Toothless, Astrid. Astrid, Toothless. The, uh, Night Fury. ''[Astrid is about to grab her axe, but Toothless growls menacingly at her. Astrid stares at the two in disbelief, then runs off to tell the village.]'' Da, da-da, we're dead! ''[Toothless shrugs and walks away]'' Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Where do you think you're going? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Astrid''': ''[hanging from a tree branch]'' Hiccup! Get me ''down'' from here! :'''Hiccup''': ''[pleading]'' You ''have'' to give me a chance to explain! :'''Astrid''': I am not listening to ''anything'' you have to say!! :'''Hiccup''': Then I won't speak. Just let me show you. ''[softer]'' Please, Astrid. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hiccup''': ''[Toothless starts to drop]'' Oh no. :'''Astrid''': '''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!''' :'''Hiccup''': Toothless, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! We need her to LIKE us. ''[Toothless starts spinning]'' And now, the spinning. ''[Deadpan]'' Thank you for nothing, you useless reptile. <hr width="50%"/> :''[Hiccup, Astrid, and Toothless return to the cove from the Dragon's Nest after witnessing the Red Death for the first time]'' :'''Astrid''': No! No, it totally makes sense! It's like a giant beehive. They're the workers, and that's their queen. It controls them. ''[She dismounts from Toothless' back and runs toward the village]'' Let's find your dad. :'''Hiccup''': ''[Also dismounts and stops Astrid]'' No, no! They'll kill Toothless, no. Astrid, we need to think this through. Carefully. :'''Astrid''': Hiccup, we just discovered the ''Dragon's Nest''. The thing we've been after since Vikings first sailed here! And you want to keep it a secret? To protect your ''pet dragon?'' Are you ''serious?'' :'''Hiccup''': ''[looks at her with hardened expression]'' Yes. :''[Astrid looks at him, surprised at his determination; Hiccup looks away]'' :'''Astrid''': Okay. Then what do we do? :'''Hiccup''': Just give me until tomorrow. I'll figure something out. :'''Astrid''': Okay. ''[punches Hiccup's arm]'' ''That's'' for kidnapping me. ''[Hiccup and Toothless exchange confused looks. Astrid leans forward and quickly kisses him on the cheek]'' That's for... everything else. :'''Hiccup''': ''[blushingly watches her walk away and Toothless walks beside him giving a smile; stammers]'' Are you--What are ''you'' lookin' at? <hr width="50%"/> :''[Hiccup and Hookfang are face to face. Hiccup drops his knife and shield and reaches out to touch Hookfang. The Vikings start mumbling]'' :'''Stoick''': What's he doing? :'''Hiccup''': ''[to Hookfang]'' It's okay. It's okay. ''[takes his hat off and throws it aside]'' I'm not one of them. :''[The Vikings gasp in shock]'' :'''Stoick''': Stop the fight. :'''Hiccup''': No! You all need to see this. They're not what we think they are. We don't have to kill them. :'''Stoick''': '''I SAID, ''STOP THE FIGHT!!!''''' ''[whacks his hammer on the ring cage railing with a loud clang, which startles Hookfang into attacking Hiccup]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Astrid''': It's a mess. You must feel horrible. You've lost everything. Your father, your tribe, your best friend... :'''Hiccup''': Thank you for summing that up. ''[sadly]'' Why couldn't I have killed that dragon when I found him in the woods? It would've been better. For everyone. :'''Astrid''': Yep. The rest of us would have done it. So why didn't you? ''[Hiccup doesn't answer]'' ''Why didn't you?'' :'''Hiccup''': I don't know. I couldn't. :'''Astrid''': That's not an answer. :'''Hiccup''': ''[irate]'' ''Why'' is this so ''important'' to you all of a sudden? :'''Astrid''': Because I want to remember what you say, ''right now''. :'''Hiccup''': ''[angrily]'' Oh, for the love of - I was a coward! I was weak! I wouldn't kill a dragon. :'''Astrid''': You said "wouldn't" that time. :'''Hiccup''': ''[snaps]'' ''Whatever!'' ''I wouldn't!'' Three hundred years, and I'm the ''first'' Viking who wouldn't kill a dragon. :''[Silence]'' :'''Astrid''': First to ride one, though. So...? :'''Hiccup''': I wouldn't kill him... because he looked as frightened as I was. I looked at him, and I saw myself. :'''Astrid''': I bet he's really frightened now. What are you going to do about it? :'''Hiccup''': Eh, probably something stupid. :'''Astrid''': Good, but you've already done that. :'''Hiccup''': ''[smiles, getting an idea]'' Then something crazy. ''[runs off]'' :'''Astrid''': ''[smiles]'' That's more like it. ''[follows him]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Stoick''': When we crack this mountain open, all hell is gonna break loose. :'''Gobber''': And my undies. Good thing I brought extras! :'''Stoick''': No matter how this ends, it ends today. <hr width="50%"/> :''[The Red Death emerges from the cave]'' :'''Gobber:''' Beard of [[Wikipedia:Thor|Thor]]! What ''is'' that?! :'''Stoick''': [[Wikipedia:Odin|Odin]] help us... <hr width="50%"/> :''[After Stoick rescues Hiccup and Toothless from drowning, Toothless motions to Hiccup]'' :'''Hiccup''': You got it, bud. ''[mounts Toothless]'' :'''Stoick''': Hiccup! ''[grabs Hiccup's hand; Hiccup turns]'' I'm sorry... For--For everything. :'''Hiccup''': Yeah, me too. :'''Stoick''': You don't have to go up there. :'''Hiccup''': We're Vikings. It's an occupational hazard. :'''Stoick''': ''[takes his hand]'' I'm proud to call you my son. :'''Hiccup''': Thanks, Dad. :''[Hiccup and Toothless fly into the sky]'' :'''Astrid''': ''[sees Hiccup]'' He's up! Get Snotlout out of there! :'''Twins''': I'm on it! :'''Tuffnut''': ''[arguing]'' I'm on it first! I'm ahead of you! :'''Ruffnut''': ''[arguing]'' Hey! let me drive! :'''Tuffnut''': ''[arguing]'' No, this way, don't push me :'''Ruffnut''': ''[arguing]'' Stop it, I'll take your teeth out :''[Snotlout hops onto Ruffnut and Tuffnut's dragon]'' :'''Tuffnut''': Aw, I can't believe that worked! :''[Red Death pulls Astrid's dragon using his vacuum ability]'' :'''Gobber''': NIGHT FURY! Get down! ''[Red Death pushes Astrid off her dragon and she falls, screaming, until Toothless saves her]'' :'''Hiccup''': Did you get her? ''[Toothless looks upside down to see if he saved Astrid. Then he safely puts her down]'' :'''Astrid''': Go. :'''Hiccup''': That thing has wings! Okay, let's see if it can use them! :''[Toothless strikes Red Death really hard, Red Death screams and falls over]'' :''[Red Death spreads his wings]'' :'''Hiccup''': You think that did it? :''[Red Death roars]'' :'''Hiccup''': Well he can fly. :'''Crowd''': WOOOOOOOOOOOO! Yeah! GO HICCUP! :'''Hiccup''': Okay Toothless, time to disappear! Come on, bud! :''[Red Death follows Toothless and Hiccup, while he/she/it chomps constantly before releasing fire]'' :'''Hiccup''': Here it comes! :''[Red Death releasing fire]'' :''[Red Death keeps chasing Toothless and Hiccup up the clouds]'' :''[Red Death chomps and loses Toothless and Hiccup out of his sight]'' :''[Toothless shoots plasma blasts at the Red Death]'' :''[Red Death gets mad and releases fire]'' :'''Hiccup''': Watch out! :''[Toothless' prosthetic tail catches fire]'' :'''Hiccup''': Okay, times up! Let's see if this works. COME ON! IS THAT THE BEST YOU CAN DO?! :''[Toothless roars]'' :''[Red Death chomps again]'' :''[Red Death roars loudly]'' :'''Hiccup''': Stay with me, buddy. We're good. Just a little bit longer. :''[Red Death gets mad]'' :'''Hiccup''': Hold Toothless... :''[Red Death gets ready to release fire]'' :'''Hiccup''': NOW! :''[Toothless shoots a plasma blast down Red Death's throat]'' :''[Red Death spreads his wings but they rip apart quickly]'' :'''Red Death''': [Roaring] :''[Red Death accepts his end, slams into the ground and explodes]'' :'''Hiccup''': ''[runs into Red Death's clubbed tail]'' No! NO! ''[collides with Red Death's clubbed tail and falls off]'' :'''Stoick''': Hiccup! ''HICCUP?!'' SON! ''[sees Toothless but with Hiccup nowhere to be found]'' Hiccup. ''[kneeling beside Toothless]'' Oh, son... I did this. ''[Toothless stirs and opens his eyes, looking at Stoick]'' ''[close to tears]'' I'm s... I'm so sorry. ''[Toothless lifts his wings, revealing Hiccup clutched in his paws]'' Hiccup! ''[picks him up, puts an ear to his chest and laughs with relief]'' Oh, he's ''alive!'' You brought him back alive! ''[the Vikings cheer and Stoick puts a hand on Toothless' head]'' Thank you for saving my son. :'''Gobber''': ''[comes over; grimacing]'' Well... you know, most of him. :''[Hiccup is later seen to have lost his foot during the battle]'' <hr width="50%"/> :'''Hiccup''': ''[seeing the newly reformed Berk]'' I knew it... I'm dead. :'''Stoick''': ''[chuckling]'' No, but you gave it your best shot. So, what do you think? :'''Viking''': Look, it's Hiccup! :''[The Vikings gather around Stoick and Hiccup]'' :'''Stoick''': Turns out all we needed was a little more of... ''[points to Hiccup]'' ''this.'' :'''Hiccup''': ''[surprised]'' You just gestured to all of me. :''[Stoick smiles and nods]'' :'''Gobber''': Well, most of you. ''[gestures to Hiccup's peg leg]'' That bit's my handiwork. With a little Hiccup flair thrown in! You think it'll do? :'''Hiccup''': ''[looks at it; jokes]'' I might make a few tweaks. :''[The Vikings laugh. Astrid comes up behind Hiccup and punches him in the arm]'' :'''Astrid''': ''That's'' for scaring me! :'''Hiccup''': ''[shocked]'' Wha-what?! What, is it always gonna be this way? 'Cause-- ''[Astrid cuts him off by kissing him on the lips. Hiccup's expression changes to one of pleasant surprise.]'' I could get used to it. :''[Astrid smiles.]'' == Taglines == * The legend is real. == Cast == * {{w|Mason Thames}} - Hiccup * {{w|Nico Parker}} - Astrid * {{w|Gerard Butler}} - Stoick the Vast * {{w|Nick Frost}} - Gobber * Gabriel Howell - Snotlout * {{w|Julian Dennison}} - Fishlegs * {{w|Bronwyn James}} - Tuffnut * {{w|Harry Trevaldwyn}} - Ruffnut * {{w|Peter Serafinowicz}} - Spitelout == See also == * ''[[Lilo & Stitch]]'', a 2002 Disney film also written and directed by Chris Sanders and Dean DeBlois * ''[[How to Train Your Dragon (film)|How to Train Your Dragon]]'', the animated 2010 version * ''[[How to Train Your Dragon 2]]'', the 2014 animated sequel * ''[[How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World]]'', the third and final film of the animated trilogy == External links == {{wikipedia}} * {{imdb title|id=26743210|title=How To Train Your Dragon}} {{How to Train Your Dragon}} {{DreamWorks Animation}} [[Category:2025 films]] [[Category:2020s American films]] [[Category:American remake films]] [[Category:Remake films]] [[Category:American 3D films]] [[Category:Action films]] [[Category:American children's adventure films]] [[Category:American children's comedy films]] [[Category:American children's drama films]] [[Category:American children's fantasy films]] [[Category:How to Train Your Dragon]] [[Category:Films based on children's books]] [[Category:Dragon films]] [[Category:Films about father–son relationships]] do9mkudvodm3xp94r053gaukaws71qb 0 292882 3778526 3771073 2025-07-14T12:36:27Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Architects]]; added [[Category:Architects from England]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778526 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Augustus Welby Northmore Pugin from NPG.jpg|thumb|There is nothing worth living for but Christian Architecture and a boat.]] '''[[w:Augustus Pugin|Augustus Welby Northmore Pugin]]''' (1 March 1812 – 14 September 1852) was an English architect, designer, artist and critic with French and Swiss origins. He is principally remembered for his pioneering role in the [[w:Gothic Revival architecture|Gothic Revival style of architecture]]. His work culminated in designing the interior of the [[w:Palace of Westminster|Palace of Westminster]] in [[Westminster]], London, and its clock tower, the Elizabeth Tower (formerly St. Stephen's Tower), which houses the bell known as [[w:Big Ben|Big Ben]]. Pugin designed many churches in England, and some in Ireland and Australia. He was the son of [[w:Augustus Charles Pugin|Auguste Pugin]], and the father of [[w:E. W. Pugin|Edward Welby Pugin]], [[w:Cuthbert Welby Pugin|Cuthbert Welby Pugin]], and [[w:Peter Paul Pugin|Peter Paul Pugin]], who continued his architectural and interior design firm as [[w:Pugin & Pugin|Pugin & Pugin]]. ==Quotes== *[I have] seen the fallacy of the new sects and trust ere long I shall be united in the original and apostolick church which suffers no change or variation. I trust no man will attribute my motives solely to my love for antient architecture for although I will allow the change has been brought about in me owing to ''my studies of antient art'' yet I have still higher reasons. **Letter to E. J. Wilson (17 September 1834), quoted in Phoebe B. Stanton, 'Barry and Pugin: A Collaboration', in M. H. Port (ed.), ''The Houses of Parliament'' (1976), p. 58 *The object of the present Lecture is to set forth and explain the true principles of Pointed or Christian Architecture, by the knowledge of which you may be enabled to test architectural excellence. The two great rules for design are these: 1''st'', ''that there should be no features about a building which are not necessary for convenience, construction, or propriety;'' 2''nd'', ''that all ornament should consist of enrichment of the essential construction of the building.'' **''The True Principles of Pointed or Christian Architecture: Set Forth in Two Lectures delivered at St. Marie's, Oscott'' (1841), p. 1 *I am so anxious to introduce a sensible style of furniture of good oak and constructively put together that shall compete with the vile trash made and sold. These things are very simple and I am certain with a little patience can be made to pay. **Letter to John Crace (1849), quoted in Phoebe B. Stanton, 'Pugin: Principles of Design versus Revivalism', ''Journal of the Society of Architectural Historians'', Vol. 13, No. 3 (October 1954), p. 24 ===Undated=== *There is nothing worth living for but Christian Architecture and a boat. **''The Builder'', Vol. X, No. 503 (25 September 1852), p. 605 ==Quotes about Augustus Pugin== *The new [[w:St Giles' Catholic Church, Cheadle|Cheadle Church]], which is to be consecrated on Sept I, is the most splendid building I ever saw. It is coloured inside every inch in the most sumptuous way—showing how Gothic, and in these countries where there is no marble, contrived to make up for the mosaics, etc of the south. The windows are all beautifully stained. The Chapel of the Blessed Sacrament is, on entering, a blaze of light—and I could not help saying to myself "Porta Coeli". **[[John Henry Newman]], diary entry (July 1846), quoted in ''The Letters and Diaries of John Henry Newman: Littlemor to Rome, Oct. 1845–Dec. 1846'', ed. Charles Stephen Dessain (1961), p. 210 *Pugin was only just middle height but very strong, broad chest, large hands, massive forehead, nose and chin, well curved flexible mouth, and restless grey eyes, the expression of which turned inwards when in deep thought. His hair was darkest brown, thick, not crisp, and he shaved clean like a sailor. All his movements were rapid, full of mental and bodily energy, shewing a nervous and choleric temperament. His sight was 'like a hawk's"; he never used or needed glasses either in making sketches from clerestory stained glass or working minutely, and most of his early designs were on a very fine scale, probably from having etched much **[[w:John Hardman Powell|John Hardman Powell]], quoted in '‘Pugin in His Home’: A Memoir by J. H. Powell', ''Architectural History'', Vol. 31 (1988), p. 176 *His memory was the marvel of all who knew him for long; the mind seemed to receive its impressions without a particle of mist or shadow, keen, definite and lasting, to be recalled at will unchanged. He was thorough and earnest in doing all he undertook with all his might, and not resting till it was accomplished. He was passionate, but believed his anger was always another's fault, honest rages with no malice in them, blowing over without leaving resentment. **[[w:John Hardman Powell|John Hardman Powell]], quoted in '‘Pugin in His Home’: A Memoir by J. H. Powell', ''Architectural History'', Vol. 31 (1988), p. 176 *[[w:St George's Cathedral, Southwark|St. George's]] was not high enough for want of money? But was it want of money that made you put that blunt, overloaded, laborious ogee door into the side of it? Was it for lack of funds that you sunk the tracery of the parapet in its clumsy zigzags? Was it in parsimony that you buried its paltry pinnacles in that eruption of diseased crockets? or in pecuniary embarrassment that you set up the belfry foolscaps, with the mimicry of dormer windows, which nobody can ever reach nor look out of? Not so, but in mere incapability of better things. **[[John Ruskin]], ''[[w:The Stones of Venice (book)|The Stones of Venice. Volume the First. The Foundations]]'' (1851), pp. 372-373 ==External links== {{wikipedia}} {{Commons category}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Pugin, Augustus Welby Northmore}} [[Category:1812 births]] [[Category:1852 deaths]] [[Category:Architects from England]] [[Category:Catholics from England]] i8ccairudyn8h7xwc7gfwcwtvazk7g0 0 292980 3778505 3772387 2025-07-14T12:29:25Z UDScott 4304 removed [[Category:Architects]]; added [[Category:Architects from England]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778505 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:A Reasonable Plea for the Animal Creation title page.jpg|thumb|[Animals] have the same Sense of Pleasure and Pain as we have, and we put them to an equal Torture with us by a Wound given to them; if so, it is at best a Cruelty to destroy them.]] '''{{w|Robert Morris (writer)|Robert Morris}} '''(February 1703 – 12 November 1754) was an English architectural theorist, writer, and surveyor active in the eighteenth century. He contributed significantly to the Palladian revival through influential treatises and pattern books such as ''Lectures on Architecture'' (1734–1736) and ''Rural Architecture'' (1750), which helped disseminate classical design principles in Britain and colonial America. Though few buildings are securely attributed to him, he participated in architectural and surveying work at sites including Inveraray Castle and Culverthorpe Hall. Beyond architecture, Morris anonymously authored philosophical writings and was an early proponent of ethical [[vegetarianism]], most notably through his 1746 treatise ''A Reasonable Plea for the Animal Creation'', which advanced arguments for animal moral consideration. == Quotes == === ''A Reasonable Plea for the Animal Creation'' (1746) === <small>[[iarchive:b3053785x_0001|Full text online at the Internet Archive]] (London: M. Cooper, 1746).</small> * A ''Flie'', a ''Mite'', or other ''Insect'', are in the same [[Great chain of being|great Chain of Beings]]; and I but help to fill up the Rank of the Divin Works, I am no more than they. Look upon the Mechanism of a ''Spider'' with a Microscopic Eye, upon the Architecture of the ''Bee'', ''&c''. let ''Man'' consider the Fineness of their Texture and Composure, and with what Exactness they are form'd, and he will find in himself nothing to be vain of. If I boast of any thing, it is only of being join'd with you in this great ''Concatenation of Things'', and moving with you in one of its Revolutions—My ''Friend'', when we are worn out, and drop insensibly into the Grave, we only leave the Space to be filled up in the next successive Moment, perhaps by some other Race of ''Creatures'', who compleat the Harmony of Wonders in this Structure of the Universe. ** pp. [[iarchive:b3053785x_0001/page/9/mode/1up|9]]–[[iarchive:b3053785x_0001/page/10/mode/1up|10]] * ...Blood and Flesh with a voracious Appetite we devour, and glut ourselves with slaughter'd Animals, perhaps endued with Reason equal to ourselves; it may be we cannot affirm, that they possess one so perfect as ours, but that Perfection is acquir'd by Discipline, which the Generality of Brutes want. They have not Seminaries of Literature, nor ''Cambridge'', ''Oxford'', nor ''Eaton'' or ''Westminster'', where Arts and Sciences are taught by Rules. — No, Nature is their only School-Mistress, and they learn her Instructions with wonderful Promptness and Sagacity. The Elements founded by the infinite Creator serve them as a Book, to teach them all the Knowledge which is necessary for their Well-being here. ** pp. [[iarchive:b3053785x_0001/page/22/mode/2up|22–23]] * …I believe it inconsistent with Humanity to eat Flesh, inconsistent with our Nature, or the Intentions of God in our first Formation, to imbrue our Teeth in the Blood of the Animals. They have the same Sense of Pleasure and Pain as we have, and we put them to an equal Torture with us by a Wound given to them; if so, it is at best a Cruelty to destroy them. I would fain know of you, that if I believe it criminal to eat Flesh, and continue so to do, whether I do not live in a Sin against Conscience, against Nature, which is the greatest of Sins; if by her I am convicted, if that faithful Monitor sets it before me as criminal to feed on the animal Creation, I seem to need no other Remonstrance. ** p. [[iarchive:b3053785x_0001/page/23/mode/1up|23]] * Man is but one Link in the great Concatenation of Beings, and to ufurp an Authority over any other part of the Chain is indeed ''Pride'', ''rank Pride'', ''and Haughtiness of Soul''. ** p. [[iarchive:b3053785x_0001/page/31/mode/1up|31]] * Before we enter immediately upon the intended Controversy about the Right of eating Animals; I would beg Leave first to endeavour to unprejudice your Mind, by shewing the ''Primitive'' and ''Religious'' Notions of eating Flesh: They established their Reasons upon a fundamental Law in ''Nature'', the original Justice of the World, which teaches us not to do that to another which we would not have another do to us. Now since 'tis evident that no Man would willingly become the Food of Beasts; therefore by the same Rule, he ought not to prey on them. ** p. [[iarchive:b3053785x_0001/page/32/mode/1up|32]] * [E]very thing which partakes of Sense, has also Reason; 'tis the Mind alone that sees, hears, &c. the Body of itself being blind, deaf, and void of all Sense. Therefore since Beasts see and hear, and perform all other Actions of Sense as we do; I hope it will not be unreasonable to assert they have a Seat of Reason. ** p. [[iarchive:b3053785x_0001/page/32/mode/1up|33]] * We have no Right of Property from Nature. When Men were first made, no Boundaries were set to his Possession; Right and Wrong were not known; no Man assumed a Right by Nature, and what was effected was by Power. If we could claim no Right to the Bodies of Animals, we had no Power to destroy. The Sparrow and the Fish of the Sea are in common to all, no Man claims a particular Right to them, therefore has no Power by Nature over them to kill. ** p. [[iarchive:b3053785x_0001/page/52/mode/1up|52]] * If I have any Virtues in me, or if there be such a distinguishing Characteristick in Man, they are chiefly a universal Love of my Fellow-creatures, placed here in concert with me to compleat the Harmony of the Universe. ** pp. [[iarchive:b3053785x_0001/page/53/mode/1up|53]]–[[iarchive:b3053785x_0001/page/54/mode/1up|54]] == External links == * {{Wikipedia-inline|Robert Morris (writer)|Robert Morris}} * {{Commons-inline|Category:Robert Morris (writer)|Robert Morris}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Morris, Robert}} [[Category:1703 births]] [[Category:1754 deaths]] [[Category:Architects from England]] [[Category:Animal rights activists]] [[Category:Non-fiction authors from England]] [[Category:Vegetarianism activists]] 4tku5e44d7iv0ijbb4frehhsqsvcxfu 0 293009 3778868 3772539 2025-07-14T21:12:52Z 2600:1005:B001:4C74:0:7:7AD9:3001 3778868 wikitext text/x-wiki {{SpongeBob header}} '''SpongeBob and Patrick's Timeline Twist-Up''' is an episode of [[SpongeBob SquarePants]] from [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 16|season 16]], which aired on June 27, 2025. It is a crossover special between the main series and [[The Patrick Star Show]]. Featuring the guest stars John O'Hurley, Dana Sydner, Cree Summer, Tom Wilson, Jess Harnell, Gary Anthony Williams and Kevin Michael Richardson. ==Dialogue== :'''Past SpongeBob''': There it is. The finest eating establishment ever established for eating: The Krusty Krab, home of the Krabby Patty... with a Help Wanted sign in the... ''[Past Mr. Krabs takes the "Help Wanted" sign out the window]'' Huh? ''[runs towards the front doors to see Past Mr. Krabs and GrandPat]'' :'''Past Mr. Krabs''': ''[shaking hands with GrandPat]'' Congratulations, GrandPat. You're our new fry cook. ''[pulls GrandPat's hand]'' I hope that's not a problem working for your old frenemy. :'''GrandPat''': ''[pulls Past Mr. Krabs' hand]'' I'm not working for you, Krabs, I'm working near you. ''[lets go of Past Mr. Krabs' hand]'' :'''Past Mr. Krabs''': Whatever you say. :'''Past SpongeBob''': ''[walks away dejectedly]'' I was ready. I was ready. :'''GrandPat''': Hey, it's the old paperboy. :'''Past Squidward''': I'm not your paperboy anymore. :'''GrandPat''': To me, you'll always be my paperboy, paperboy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Past SpongeBob''': I was ready. I was ready. :''[The time closet appears in the Barg'N-Mart as present SpongeBob comes out]'' :'''Present SpongeBob''': A hydrodynamic spatula with port and starboard attachments and turbo drive! ''[steps back into the time closet, but arrives again to give the clerk money]'' Oh, sorry. Keep the change. :'''Past SpongeBob''': I was ready. I was ready. :''[The time closet appears in front of past SpongeBob as his present self comes out and gives him the hydrodynamic spatula]'' :'''Present SpongeBob''': Here, take this spatula, fly to the Krusty Krab and save the day. :'''Past SpongeBob''': What? :'''Present SpongeBob''': Trust me, you got this. ''We'' got this. :'''Past SpongeBob''': Who are you, handsome stranger? You look kind of familiar :'''Present SpongeBob''': I'm just a simple sponge with a job. ''[gives his past self a Krusty Krab employee hat]'' Now you have one. :'''Past SpongeBob''': Whoa. :'''Present SpongeBob''': Now, who's ready? :'''Past SpongeBob''': I'm ready! :'''Present SpongeBob''': Who's ready? :'''Past SpongeBob''': I'm ready! :'''Present SpongeBob''': Who's ready?! :'''Past SpongeBob''': I'm ready! ''[flies to the Krusty Krab while his present self goes back into the time closet]'' [[Category:SpongeBob SquarePants episodes]] d3fryixokxkp0ke46omv40ta93jnnkv 0 293010 3778865 3772677 2025-07-14T21:09:57Z 2600:1005:B001:4C74:0:7:7AD9:3001 /* Stupor-stition [16.10b] */ 3778865 wikitext text/x-wiki {{DISPLAYTITLE:''SpongeBob SquarePants''/Season 16}} {{SpongeBob header}} '''''[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]''''' (1999–present) is an animated TV series, airing on Nickelodeon about the adventures and endeavors of the title character and his various friends in the fictional underwater city of Bikini Bottom. It spawned [[The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie|a movie]], followed by several short films, and video games. ==Episode 1== ===''Bizarro Bottom'' [16.1a]=== ===''Squidward's Tough Break'' [16.1b]=== ==Episode 2== ===''Curse of the WereDoodle'' [16.2a]=== ===''Gorilla Suit Day'' [16.2b]=== ==Episode 3== ===''Exchange Student Driver'' [16.3a]=== ===''The Kreepy Krab'' [16.3b]=== ==''[[SpongeBob and Patrick's Timeline Twist-Up]]'' [16.4-16.5]== :'''Past SpongeBob''': There it is. The finest eating establishment ever established for eating: The Krusty Krab, home of the Krabby Patty... with a Help Wanted sign in the... ''[Past Mr. Krabs takes the "Help Wanted" sign out the window]'' Huh? ''[runs towards the front doors to see Past Mr. Krabs and GrandPat]'' :'''Past Mr. Krabs''': ''[shaking hands with GrandPat]'' Congratulations, GrandPat. You're our new fry cook. ''[pulls GrandPat's hand]'' I hope that's not a problem working for your old frenemy. :'''GrandPat''': ''[pulls Past Mr. Krabs' hand]'' I'm not working for you, Krabs, I'm working near you. ''[lets go of Past Mr. Krabs' hand]'' :'''Past Mr. Krabs''': Whatever you say. :'''Past SpongeBob''': ''[walks away dejectedly]'' I was ready. I was ready. :'''GrandPat''': Hey, it's the old paperboy. :'''Past Squidward''': I'm not your paperboy anymore. :'''GrandPat''': To me, you'll always be my paperboy, paperboy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Past SpongeBob''': I was ready. I was ready. :''[The time closet appears in the Barg'N-Mart as present SpongeBob comes out]'' :'''Present SpongeBob''': A hydrodynamic spatula with port and starboard attachments and turbo drive! ''[steps back into the time closet, but arrives again to give the clerk money]'' Oh, sorry. Keep the change. :'''Past SpongeBob''': I was ready. I was ready. :''[The time closet appears in front of past SpongeBob as his present self comes out and gives him the hydrodynamic spatula]'' :'''Present SpongeBob''': Here, take this spatula, fly to the Krusty Krab and save the day. :'''Past SpongeBob''': What? :'''Present SpongeBob''': Trust me, you got this. ''We'' got this. :'''Past SpongeBob''': Who are you, handsome stranger? You look kind of familiar :'''Present SpongeBob''': I'm just a simple sponge with a job. ''[gives his past self a Krusty Krab employee hat]'' Now you have one. :'''Past SpongeBob''': Whoa. :'''Present SpongeBob''': Now, who's ready? :'''Past SpongeBob''': I'm ready! :'''Present SpongeBob''': Who's ready? :'''Past SpongeBob''': I'm ready! :'''Present SpongeBob''': Who's ready?! :'''Past SpongeBob''': I'm ready! ''[flies to the Krusty Krab while his present self goes back into the time closet]'' ==Episode 6== ===''Laundro-Madness'' [16.6a]=== ===''Hog Huntin''' [16.6b]=== ==Episode 7== ===''SpongeBob TrashPants'' [16.7a]=== ===''Krusty Kafeteria'' [16.7b]=== ==Episode 8== ===''The Haunted Blanket'' [16.8a]=== ===''Go Fetch'' [16.8b]=== ==Episode 9== ===''Heart of Garbage'' [16.9a]=== ===''Near-Mint Plankton'' [16.9b]=== ==Episode 10== ===''Pardon My Wand'' [16.10a]=== ===''Stupor-stition'' [16.10b]=== ==''Pigskin Pearl'' [16.11]== ==Episode 12== ===''The Green Tentacle'' [16.12a]=== ===''Happy Krabby Birthday'' [16.12b]=== ==Episode 13== ===''Karate Pals'' [16.13a]=== ===''Karen's Klatch'' [16.13b]=== ==External links== {{Wikipedia|SpongeBob SquarePants season 16}} [[Category:SpongeBob SquarePants seasons]] [[Category:SpongeBob SquarePants]] 8ifu4x2fsjpclbx7qjovgnawp9sorsh 3778866 3778865 2025-07-14T21:11:40Z 2600:1005:B001:4C74:0:7:7AD9:3001 /* Bizarro Bottom (featuring Weird "Al" Yankovic, Zoe McGaha-Schletter, Dashiell McGaha-Schletter) [16.1a] */ 3778866 wikitext text/x-wiki {{DISPLAYTITLE:''SpongeBob SquarePants''/Season 16}} {{SpongeBob header}} '''''[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]''''' (1999–present) is an animated TV series, airing on Nickelodeon about the adventures and endeavors of the title character and his various friends in the fictional underwater city of Bikini Bottom. It spawned [[The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie|a movie]], followed by several short films, and video games. ==Episode 1== ===''Bizarro Bottom'' (featuring Weird "Al" Yankovic, Zoe McGaha-Schletter, Dashiell McGaha-Schletter) [16.1a]=== ===''Squidward's Tough Break'' [16.1b]=== ==Episode 2== ===''Curse of the WereDoodle'' [16.2a]=== ===''Gorilla Suit Day'' [16.2b]=== ==Episode 3== ===''Exchange Student Driver'' [16.3a]=== ===''The Kreepy Krab'' [16.3b]=== ==''[[SpongeBob and Patrick's Timeline Twist-Up]]'' [16.4-16.5]== :'''Past SpongeBob''': There it is. The finest eating establishment ever established for eating: The Krusty Krab, home of the Krabby Patty... with a Help Wanted sign in the... ''[Past Mr. Krabs takes the "Help Wanted" sign out the window]'' Huh? ''[runs towards the front doors to see Past Mr. Krabs and GrandPat]'' :'''Past Mr. Krabs''': ''[shaking hands with GrandPat]'' Congratulations, GrandPat. You're our new fry cook. ''[pulls GrandPat's hand]'' I hope that's not a problem working for your old frenemy. :'''GrandPat''': ''[pulls Past Mr. Krabs' hand]'' I'm not working for you, Krabs, I'm working near you. ''[lets go of Past Mr. Krabs' hand]'' :'''Past Mr. Krabs''': Whatever you say. :'''Past SpongeBob''': ''[walks away dejectedly]'' I was ready. I was ready. :'''GrandPat''': Hey, it's the old paperboy. :'''Past Squidward''': I'm not your paperboy anymore. :'''GrandPat''': To me, you'll always be my paperboy, paperboy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Past SpongeBob''': I was ready. I was ready. :''[The time closet appears in the Barg'N-Mart as present SpongeBob comes out]'' :'''Present SpongeBob''': A hydrodynamic spatula with port and starboard attachments and turbo drive! ''[steps back into the time closet, but arrives again to give the clerk money]'' Oh, sorry. Keep the change. :'''Past SpongeBob''': I was ready. I was ready. :''[The time closet appears in front of past SpongeBob as his present self comes out and gives him the hydrodynamic spatula]'' :'''Present SpongeBob''': Here, take this spatula, fly to the Krusty Krab and save the day. :'''Past SpongeBob''': What? :'''Present SpongeBob''': Trust me, you got this. ''We'' got this. :'''Past SpongeBob''': Who are you, handsome stranger? You look kind of familiar :'''Present SpongeBob''': I'm just a simple sponge with a job. ''[gives his past self a Krusty Krab employee hat]'' Now you have one. :'''Past SpongeBob''': Whoa. :'''Present SpongeBob''': Now, who's ready? :'''Past SpongeBob''': I'm ready! :'''Present SpongeBob''': Who's ready? :'''Past SpongeBob''': I'm ready! :'''Present SpongeBob''': Who's ready?! :'''Past SpongeBob''': I'm ready! ''[flies to the Krusty Krab while his present self goes back into the time closet]'' ==Episode 6== ===''Laundro-Madness'' [16.6a]=== ===''Hog Huntin''' [16.6b]=== ==Episode 7== ===''SpongeBob TrashPants'' [16.7a]=== ===''Krusty Kafeteria'' [16.7b]=== ==Episode 8== ===''The Haunted Blanket'' [16.8a]=== ===''Go Fetch'' [16.8b]=== ==Episode 9== ===''Heart of Garbage'' [16.9a]=== ===''Near-Mint Plankton'' [16.9b]=== ==Episode 10== ===''Pardon My Wand'' [16.10a]=== ===''Stupor-stition'' [16.10b]=== ==''Pigskin Pearl'' [16.11]== ==Episode 12== ===''The Green Tentacle'' [16.12a]=== ===''Happy Krabby Birthday'' [16.12b]=== ==Episode 13== ===''Karate Pals'' [16.13a]=== ===''Karen's Klatch'' [16.13b]=== ==External links== {{Wikipedia|SpongeBob SquarePants season 16}} [[Category:SpongeBob SquarePants seasons]] [[Category:SpongeBob SquarePants]] 2udztaq69y3dok8uwoa9wxuin4m3dfw 3778867 3778866 2025-07-14T21:12:35Z 2600:1005:B001:4C74:0:7:7AD9:3001 /* SpongeBob and Patrick's Timeline Twist-Up (featuring John O'Hurley, Dana Sydner, Cree Summer, Tom Wilson, Jess Harnell, Gary Anthony Williams and Kevin Michael Richardson) [16.4-16.5] */ 3778867 wikitext text/x-wiki {{DISPLAYTITLE:''SpongeBob SquarePants''/Season 16}} {{SpongeBob header}} '''''[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]''''' (1999–present) is an animated TV series, airing on Nickelodeon about the adventures and endeavors of the title character and his various friends in the fictional underwater city of Bikini Bottom. It spawned [[The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie|a movie]], followed by several short films, and video games. ==Episode 1== ===''Bizarro Bottom'' (featuring Weird "Al" Yankovic, Zoe McGaha-Schletter, Dashiell McGaha-Schletter) [16.1a]=== ===''Squidward's Tough Break'' [16.1b]=== ==Episode 2== ===''Curse of the WereDoodle'' [16.2a]=== ===''Gorilla Suit Day'' [16.2b]=== ==Episode 3== ===''Exchange Student Driver'' [16.3a]=== ===''The Kreepy Krab'' [16.3b]=== ==''[[SpongeBob and Patrick's Timeline Twist-Up]]'' (featuring John O'Hurley, Dana Sydner, Cree Summer, Tom Wilson, Jess Harnell, Gary Anthony Williams and Kevin Michael Richardson) [16.4-16.5]== :'''Past SpongeBob''': There it is. The finest eating establishment ever established for eating: The Krusty Krab, home of the Krabby Patty... with a Help Wanted sign in the... ''[Past Mr. Krabs takes the "Help Wanted" sign out the window]'' Huh? ''[runs towards the front doors to see Past Mr. Krabs and GrandPat]'' :'''Past Mr. Krabs''': ''[shaking hands with GrandPat]'' Congratulations, GrandPat. You're our new fry cook. ''[pulls GrandPat's hand]'' I hope that's not a problem working for your old frenemy. :'''GrandPat''': ''[pulls Past Mr. Krabs' hand]'' I'm not working for you, Krabs, I'm working near you. ''[lets go of Past Mr. Krabs' hand]'' :'''Past Mr. Krabs''': Whatever you say. :'''Past SpongeBob''': ''[walks away dejectedly]'' I was ready. I was ready. :'''GrandPat''': Hey, it's the old paperboy. :'''Past Squidward''': I'm not your paperboy anymore. :'''GrandPat''': To me, you'll always be my paperboy, paperboy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Past SpongeBob''': I was ready. I was ready. :''[The time closet appears in the Barg'N-Mart as present SpongeBob comes out]'' :'''Present SpongeBob''': A hydrodynamic spatula with port and starboard attachments and turbo drive! ''[steps back into the time closet, but arrives again to give the clerk money]'' Oh, sorry. Keep the change. :'''Past SpongeBob''': I was ready. I was ready. :''[The time closet appears in front of past SpongeBob as his present self comes out and gives him the hydrodynamic spatula]'' :'''Present SpongeBob''': Here, take this spatula, fly to the Krusty Krab and save the day. :'''Past SpongeBob''': What? :'''Present SpongeBob''': Trust me, you got this. ''We'' got this. :'''Past SpongeBob''': Who are you, handsome stranger? You look kind of familiar :'''Present SpongeBob''': I'm just a simple sponge with a job. ''[gives his past self a Krusty Krab employee hat]'' Now you have one. :'''Past SpongeBob''': Whoa. :'''Present SpongeBob''': Now, who's ready? :'''Past SpongeBob''': I'm ready! :'''Present SpongeBob''': Who's ready? :'''Past SpongeBob''': I'm ready! :'''Present SpongeBob''': Who's ready?! :'''Past SpongeBob''': I'm ready! ''[flies to the Krusty Krab while his present self goes back into the time closet]'' ==Episode 6== ===''Laundro-Madness'' [16.6a]=== ===''Hog Huntin''' [16.6b]=== ==Episode 7== ===''SpongeBob TrashPants'' [16.7a]=== ===''Krusty Kafeteria'' [16.7b]=== ==Episode 8== ===''The Haunted Blanket'' [16.8a]=== ===''Go Fetch'' [16.8b]=== ==Episode 9== ===''Heart of Garbage'' [16.9a]=== ===''Near-Mint Plankton'' [16.9b]=== ==Episode 10== ===''Pardon My Wand'' [16.10a]=== ===''Stupor-stition'' [16.10b]=== ==''Pigskin Pearl'' [16.11]== ==Episode 12== ===''The Green Tentacle'' [16.12a]=== ===''Happy Krabby Birthday'' [16.12b]=== ==Episode 13== ===''Karate Pals'' [16.13a]=== ===''Karen's Klatch'' [16.13b]=== ==External links== {{Wikipedia|SpongeBob SquarePants season 16}} [[Category:SpongeBob SquarePants seasons]] [[Category:SpongeBob SquarePants]] jqq04npgtqjtbl2arqnxwkqw5hniohg 3778878 3778867 2025-07-14T21:24:41Z 2600:1005:B001:4C74:0:7:7AD9:3001 /* Episode 13 */ 3778878 wikitext text/x-wiki {{DISPLAYTITLE:''SpongeBob SquarePants''/Season 16}} {{SpongeBob header}} '''''[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]''''' (1999–present) is an animated TV series, airing on Nickelodeon about the adventures and endeavors of the title character and his various friends in the fictional underwater city of Bikini Bottom. It spawned [[The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie|a movie]], followed by several short films, and video games. ==Episode 1== ===''Bizarro Bottom'' (featuring Weird "Al" Yankovic, Zoe McGaha-Schletter, Dashiell McGaha-Schletter) [16.1a]=== ===''Squidward's Tough Break'' [16.1b]=== ==Episode 2== ===''Curse of the WereDoodle'' [16.2a]=== ===''Gorilla Suit Day'' [16.2b]=== ==Episode 3== ===''Exchange Student Driver'' [16.3a]=== ===''The Kreepy Krab'' [16.3b]=== ==''[[SpongeBob and Patrick's Timeline Twist-Up]]'' (featuring John O'Hurley, Dana Sydner, Cree Summer, Tom Wilson, Jess Harnell, Gary Anthony Williams and Kevin Michael Richardson) [16.4-16.5]== :'''Past SpongeBob''': There it is. The finest eating establishment ever established for eating: The Krusty Krab, home of the Krabby Patty... with a Help Wanted sign in the... ''[Past Mr. Krabs takes the "Help Wanted" sign out the window]'' Huh? ''[runs towards the front doors to see Past Mr. Krabs and GrandPat]'' :'''Past Mr. Krabs''': ''[shaking hands with GrandPat]'' Congratulations, GrandPat. You're our new fry cook. ''[pulls GrandPat's hand]'' I hope that's not a problem working for your old frenemy. :'''GrandPat''': ''[pulls Past Mr. Krabs' hand]'' I'm not working for you, Krabs, I'm working near you. ''[lets go of Past Mr. Krabs' hand]'' :'''Past Mr. Krabs''': Whatever you say. :'''Past SpongeBob''': ''[walks away dejectedly]'' I was ready. I was ready. :'''GrandPat''': Hey, it's the old paperboy. :'''Past Squidward''': I'm not your paperboy anymore. :'''GrandPat''': To me, you'll always be my paperboy, paperboy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Past SpongeBob''': I was ready. I was ready. :''[The time closet appears in the Barg'N-Mart as present SpongeBob comes out]'' :'''Present SpongeBob''': A hydrodynamic spatula with port and starboard attachments and turbo drive! ''[steps back into the time closet, but arrives again to give the clerk money]'' Oh, sorry. Keep the change. :'''Past SpongeBob''': I was ready. I was ready. :''[The time closet appears in front of past SpongeBob as his present self comes out and gives him the hydrodynamic spatula]'' :'''Present SpongeBob''': Here, take this spatula, fly to the Krusty Krab and save the day. :'''Past SpongeBob''': What? :'''Present SpongeBob''': Trust me, you got this. ''We'' got this. :'''Past SpongeBob''': Who are you, handsome stranger? You look kind of familiar :'''Present SpongeBob''': I'm just a simple sponge with a job. ''[gives his past self a Krusty Krab employee hat]'' Now you have one. :'''Past SpongeBob''': Whoa. :'''Present SpongeBob''': Now, who's ready? :'''Past SpongeBob''': I'm ready! :'''Present SpongeBob''': Who's ready? :'''Past SpongeBob''': I'm ready! :'''Present SpongeBob''': Who's ready?! :'''Past SpongeBob''': I'm ready! ''[flies to the Krusty Krab while his present self goes back into the time closet]'' ==Episode 6== ===''Laundro-Madness'' [16.6a]=== ===''Hog Huntin''' [16.6b]=== ==Episode 7== ===''SpongeBob TrashPants'' [16.7a]=== ===''Krusty Kafeteria'' [16.7b]=== ==Episode 8== ===''The Haunted Blanket'' [16.8a]=== ===''Go Fetch'' [16.8b]=== ==Episode 9== ===''Heart of Garbage'' [16.9a]=== ===''Near-Mint Plankton'' [16.9b]=== ==Episode 10== ===''Pardon My Wand'' [16.10a]=== ===''Stupor-stition'' [16.10b]=== ==''Pigskin Pearl'' [16.11]== ==Episode 12== ===''The Green Tentacle'' [16.12a]=== ===''Happy Krabby Birthday'' [16.12b]=== ==Episode 13== ===''Karate Pals'' [16.13a]=== ===''Karen's Klatch'' [16.13b]===1 Dick de Benedicts Music Used In Used In TV Shows TV Shows 1000 Ways to Die 24 3 Amigonauts 6teen The 5th Wheel Action League Now! Alice & Lewis ("Evil Mind 3") Arthur (Heard in many episodes in Season 16.) Alphablocks The Amazing Adrenalini Brothers The Amazing World of Gumball ("Action Fanfare (a)" and "Psycho Chase (b)" are heard frequently.) American Dad! American Dragon: Jake Long The Angry Beavers Ape Escape (American TV Series) Aqua Teen Hunger Force Aquelarre Atomic Betty Archie's Weird Mysteries Avatar: The Last Airbender Back at the Barnyard (Psycho Chase (C) is heard) Bachke Rehnaa Zara Sambhalna The Batman (2004 TV Series) (Used in the 2nd intro.) Beat Bugs ("Evil Mind 3" is heard once in "Revolution".) Beavis and Butt-Head Ben 10 ("Evil Mind 3" is heard once at the beginning of "Washington B.C.".) Bernard Best Ed ("Evil Mind 10" and "Manhattan Chase (b)" are heard frequently; "The Shock (e)" is heard in a high pitch.) Big Time Rush Blind Date The Boondocks (2005 TV Series) Brain Games The Brawl of the Objects Show ("Evil Mind 3" is heard in "Boat Loses Her Voice", "A BOTO Halloween", and "Shelly and the Alien".) Bu Qatada & Bu Nabeel Camp Lazlo Cars Toons (The Very Beginning Part of "Eerie Scene (A)" is Heard in "Mater's Tall Tales: Tokyo Mater", and "Evil Mind 3" is heard in low volume in "Time Travel Mater") Catscratch Chappelle's Show Charlie and Lola (Heard in "How Many More Minutes?" and "But Marv is Absolutely Charlie's Best Friend".) Cinematech Clone High Close Enough Codename: Kids Next Door Columbo (debut, originated in episodes Strange Bedfellows) Courage The Cowardly Dog The Cramp Twins Cyberchase Da Boom Crew Danny Phantom (Heard in a low pitch.) Dama & Obrero Daria Diego & Glot (Heard in a Season 2 Episode) DinoSquad (Many tracks are use throughout the show, Such as Evil Mind 3 and Help 4. The iMovie Version of Alert B and Psycho Chase C are also heard throughout the show as well.) Disenchantment DJ & the Fro Drake & Josh Drawn Together The Emperor's New School ("Action Fanfare (A)" is heard in "Kuzco Fever".) The Eric Andre Show Eyewitness (UK TV series) (Season 3 only.) Family Guy The Fairly OddParents (Heard in a low pitch.) Farscape ("Evil Mind 10" is used in opening theme.) Fear Factor Fitil-Digest Fly Tales ("Evil Mind 3" and "Vertigo Gang (A)" heard in "Mission Control".) Futurama The Garfield Show ("Train Ride (D)" is heard frequently.) Gigantosaurus The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy Harvey Birdman: Attorney At Law Hey Arnold! ("The Shock [#55.1]" and "Nervous Tension 3" are heard once in "The Journal".) Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi Hijinks Hilda Home Movies Hoopla Doopla! ("Evil Mind 3" is heard in "Squidie's Day Off" and "The Smell".) Hotel Transylvania (2017 TV Series) iCarly Icons Iggy Arbuckle El Internado (A3 Series) Invader Zim ("Dark Action A" is heard in "Rise of the Zitboy".) Jackass Johnny Test Kamp Koral: SpongeBob's Under Years Kenny the Shark ("Evil Mind 3" is heard once in "Dolphin For A Day", "My Old School" and "Who Framed Kenny The Shark?".) Kevin Spencer Key & Peele Kiff KikoRiki ("Cluster 3" is heard once in "Krash's New Teeth".) Kim Possible ("Psycho Chase (B)" is heard in episodes where a character make a suspenseful reaction.) King of the Hill ("Evil Mind 3" is heard once in "And They Call it Bobby Love" and "The Shock [#55.1]" is heard once in "Now Who's the Dummy?".) La CQ L.A. Heat Larva Larva Island Legend Quest Life After People Little Monsters The Looney Tunes Show (Heard in the Road Runner and Wile E. Coyote Segments.) Lost Tapes (Psycho chase (c) (iMovie version) is heard in "Lizard Man", while Cluster (1) is heard in "Devil Monkey".) The Loud House ("Psycho Chase (B)", "Evil Mind 8", and "The Shock [#54.1]" are heard frequently.) MAD Metalocalypse Mickey Mouse ("Evil Mind 3" is heard frequently.) The Mighty B! Missing Mixels ("Evil Mind 3" is heard once in the intro and "Predators (d)" is heard once in the episode "Nixel, Nixel, Go Away".) Modern Marvels (Used from Season 10 to Season 13.) Monster Bug Wars ("Vertigo Gang" is the track used most.) The Most Extreme Most Shocking (All of his tracks were heard in many episodes throughout the show.) Motown Magic ("Evil Mind 3" is heard once in "(Love Is Like a) Heatwave" and "War".) The Mummy: The Animated Series My Cat from Hell My Life as a Teenage Robot Mythic Warriors Naughty Naughty Pets Nono Forest Novators Numberblocks Numberjacks The Oblongs Paranormal Home Inspectors The Patrick Star Show ("Death Clock (I)" is heard frequently) Pet Alien Phineas and Ferb ("Psycho Chase (B)" is heard frequently when Doof traps an agent; "Increase (B)" and "The Shock [#55.2]" is also heard; and "Evil Mind 3" only used twice; and "Evil Mind 11" is heard frequently too.) Popular Mechanics for Kids Power Rangers Project G.e.e.K.e.R. Qubool Hai ("Evil Mind 3" is heard frequently.) Regular Show Rick and Morty Robotboy Sanjay and Craig Sealab 2021 Shaabiat Al Cartoon Sheep in the Big City The Simpsons (Death Clock (I) is heard slowly during the Springfield Cemetery scenes; and "Matlock Theme" was heard briefly, and Samples can be Heard in Treehouses of Horror 28-34) Smiling Friends South Park (Most of his tracks are sampled in the soundtrack.) Spider Riders (Sampled in the international dub.) Space Goofs (Dark Action (A), Eerie Scene (A), Evil Mind 3, and Nervous Tension 1-2 are heard once.) SpongeBob SquarePants ("Evil Mind 3", "Death Clock (E)", and "Increase (B)" are heard frequently.) Star vs. the Forces of Evil ("Evil Mind 3" is heard frequently.) Swampy's Underground Adventure ("Evil Mind 3" is heard once in a higher pitch in "Change is Good".) Static Shock ("Predators E" was used in the intro.) Storm Hawks Stroker & Hoop The Suite Life of Zack and Cody ("Evil Mind 3" is heard twice in "Arwinstein".) Superjail! Taffy (sampled) Teamo Supremo Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) Teen Titans Go! ("Psycho Chase (B)" (1+ in high speed) was heard often.) Thomas & Friends ("Evil Mind 3" is heard once in "James the Super Engine".) The Tick (2001 TV Series) Tierra Brava Tim & Eric Awesome Show! Great Job! Time Squad The Tom and Jerry Show Tom and Jerry Tales (Mostly Sampled in Season 1) The Tom Green Show Total Drama Tosh.0 Unikitty Untamed and Uncut Verdades Ocultas (2019-present) Villa Dulce (Heard in Some Episodes) Wakfu Watch What Happens: Live (Heard in "Toaster-Geist".) Whacked Out Sports What's New, Scooby-Doo? The Wizard of Oz (TV Series) The Wonderful World of Mickey Mouse ("Evil Mind 3" is heard frequently.) Wong Fei Hung - Master of Kung Fu Xavier: Renegade Angel Yakkity Yak TV Specials TV Specials A Fairly Odd Christmas (2012) ("Evil Mind 3" is heard once.) Giant Monsters (2004) Night Visitors (2000) (a documentary special that aired on TLC and The Travel Channel during the 90s.) The 100 Scariest Movie Moments (2004) Movies Movies Alyosha Popovich and Tugarin Zmey (2004) Amorosa: The Revenge (2012) Balto II: Wolf Quest (2002) ("Evil Mind 3" is heard once in a 2+ pitch) Blood Surf (2000) ("Evil Mind 3" is heard once.) The Beauty and The Bestie (2015) Death Warrior (2009) Dragon Fighter (2003) The Drawn Together Movie: The Movie! (2010) The Eden Formula (2006) Encanto (2021) (Sampled in "Bruno's Tower" and where Casita Starts to Destroy [NAME WANTED].) Ex$pendable (2010) ("Psycho Chases (a-b)" are both heard once.) First Strike (1996) Girl Boy Bakla Tomboy (2013) God With Us (2017) Godzilla: Final Wars (2004) ("Psycho" and "Bronx" sampled in "Rodan Attacks New York".) Kasam (2001) ("Predators (a-b)" are both heard once.) Jackie Chan's First Strike (1996) Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman (2000) ("Evil Mind 3" can be heard once".) Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (2001) Legend Quest: The Legend of El Charro Negro (2018) Little Longnose (2003) Nahuel and the Magic Book (2020) Norm of the North: Keys to the Kingdom (2018) Pants on Fire (2014) Per Aspera Ad Astra (2001 version only) Phineas and Ferb the Movie: Across the 2nd Dimension (2011) Romeo & Juliet: Sealed with a Kiss (2005) Scooby-Doo! and the Monster of Mexico (2003) Shake Rattle & Roll VI (1997) (Heard once in a high pitch in "Ang Telebisyon".) Shattered Lies (2002) Sisterakas (2012) South Park: Imaginationland (2007) South Park: Post Covid (2021) South Park: Post Covid: The Return of Covid (2021) Thomas & Friends: Big World! Big Adventures! (2018) Titeuf (2011) Shorts Shorts DMC Toho Cinema Policy Trailer Marvel Super Heroes: What The--?! Scooby-Doo Is Over There Video Games Video Games Anne McCaffrey's Freedom: First Resistance ("Bad Guys B" and "Stab J" can be heard in the danger theme.) Amenophis: Resurrection ("Help 10" (low pitched)) Archangel ("Very Wrong" is used in hotel theme.) Army Men II (Heard in cutscenes.) Army Men: Air Tactics (Heard in cutscenes.) Army Men: Sarge's Heroes 2 (Heard in cutscenes.) Army Men: Sarge's War (Heard in cutscenes.) Army Men: Toys in Space (Heard in cutscenes.) Batman: Rise of Sin Tzu Belief & Betrayal ("Evil Mind 4", "Psycho Chase C" (lower-pitched) and "Evil Mind 6" can be heard in the first cutscene.) Blair Witch Volume I: Rustin Parr BorderZone The Bouncer (Heard in some cutscenes.) Breath of Fire IV ("Vertigo Gang (a-f)" and "Bad Guys (a)" are been used in the track of Dragon's Blood.) Cartoon Network: Punch Time Explosion Capcom vs. SNK 2 (Heard in "Demo Ver. 1, "Demo Ver. 2" and "Ending Ver. 2".) Cars: Race-O-Rama Clive Barker's Undying ("Wild and Free", "Predators" and "Manhattan Chase" can be heard during Lizbeth boss battle) Command & Conquer: Red Alert 2 ("Predators F" is sampled in "Grinder".) Conflict Zone Crash Tag Team Racing CT Special Forces: Bioterror (Low-pitched version of "Coast Road A" can be heard during ambush.) Cyberchase: Carnival Chaos (Heard in cutscenes.) Cyberchase: Castleblanca Quest (Heard in cutscenes.) Cyberchase The Quest 3 (“Evil Mind 3” Is heard once in The Story.) Dark Colony Dead or Alive 4 ("Help 3", "Evil Mind 1-3" and "The Shock #55.2" are sampled in "Alpha-152".) Delta Force: Urban Warfare ("Manhattan Chase (a)" and "Wild and Free (b)", among others, were used in the soundtrack.) Desperados: Wanted Dead or Alive Diabolik: The Original Sin ("Very Wrong".) Din's Curse Din's Legacy Disney's Aladdin in Nasira's Revenge (Heard in cutscenes.) Die Hard Arcade Disney's Villains' Revenge (Heard in Captain Hook's intro cutscene.) Dragon's Lair 3D: Return to the Lair Dude Theft Wars ("Alert (b) (iMovie Version)" is used when slapping a dude in old versions.) Eagle One: Harrier Attack ("Predators (f)" is sampled in a theme.) Earth Defense Force 2017 Emergency Fire Response ("Predators" is sampled in main menu theme.) Empire Earth Emergency 2: The Ultimate Fight for Life Endgame Evil Dead: Hail to the King Evil Dead: Regeneration Evolution Snowboarding Fantastic Four (2005) (Video Game) ("Tough Action (a)" is heard once.) Farscape: The Game ("Evil Mind 10" is heard in the intro and main theme.) Final Fantasy X-2 Firefighter F.D.18 ("Mentally Confused A") The Garfield Show: Threat of the Space Lasagna Global Defence Force Global Defence Force: Tactics Gun Metal Half-Life Half-Life 2 Heavy Rain The Hobbit ("Mentally Confused A") Jack the Ripper (2004) Jak II (Heard in some cutscenes.) Jak 3 (Heard in some cutscenes.) Jazz and Faust ("Help 10", "Evil Mind (4-5; 10-11)" and "Death Clock H" are heard in Jazz ending.) Jurassic Park: Trespasser Kingdom Hearts 3 Kivi's Underworld Konung 2: Blood of Titans ("The Shock E" can be heard in ending cutscene.) The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword (Heard once in a cutscene.) Looney Tunes: Vegas Street Chase ("Very Wrong" and "Predators") Mata Nui Online Game MediEvil ("Wild and Free (b)" used in the final boss fight theme.) Mega Man Legends 2 Metroid Prime MIB: Alien Crisis ("Evil Mind 3" is sampled in the first cutscene.) Midnight Nowhere ("Help 12", "Evil Mind 3" and "Death Clock F-H" are used in the first cutscene.) Moorhen Pirates ("Coast Road A" can be heard in bonus stage.) Moorhen X ("Alert B" can be heard in start of the game.) Moorhuhn Adventure: Der Fluch des Goldes Mystic: Duell der Zauberer Need for Speed III: Hot Pursuit ("Mentally Confused A" is sampled in "Flimsy".) Nocturne (Video Game) Pinball Fantasies Deluxe (Heard in the opening FMV.) PK: Out of the Shadows (Heard in cutscenes.) Pokémon Black 2 and White 2 (Zoom D was used in the title screen.) Portal Portal Runner (Heard in cutscenes.) Postal (Video Game) ("Doom Threat" can be heard in intro of final level.) Quake II Mission Pack: Ground Zero ("Doom Threat" is used in Stealth Frag theme.) Rayman 3: Hoodlum Havoc ("Predators F", "Help 8" and "Bad Guys B" heard in opening cutscene.) Rayman Raving Rabbids ("The iMovie Suspense Pack" are heard during suspenseful moments.) Rebel Raiders: Operation Nighthawk Resident Evil 2 ("Eerie Scene (a)" is used in Claire Redfield's intro cinematic.) Resident Evil 4 (slightly sampled in the theme of El Lago.) Runaway: A Road Adventure ("Help 3", "Evil Mind 4" and "Mentally Confused B" heard in cutscenes.) Scaler Scooby-Doo! Mystery of the Fun Park Phantom Severance: Blade of Darkness Shadow Madness Shadow of Rome Singles 2: Triple Trouble ("Dark Premonition A", "Inner Tension" (lower-pitched) and "Dead End A" heard in suspense moments.) Sniper Elite ("Dark Action A" is sampled in the title theme.) Spider-Man (2002) (Video Game) Spider-Man 2: Enter Electro (Heard in some cutscenes.) SpongeBob SquarePants featuring Nicktoons: Globs of Doom Spyro 2: Ripto's Rage! Spyro: Year of the Dragon Spyro: Enter the Dragonfly ("Manhattan Chase" is sampled in "Ripto's Showdown".) Super Mario Maker (Re-Arranged for the Doom Sound.) Taz: Wanted TechnoMage: Return of Eternity Tekken 3 ("Doom Threat", "Eerie Scene (B)", "Psycho Chases (A/B)", and "Nervous Tensions (1, 3)" are heard in Jin Kazama's ending cutscene in the PS1 version.) Tenchu: Wrath of Heaven Time Crisis (Heard in the PlayStation-exclusive Special Mode.) TOCA Race Driver (Heard in dramatic moments in cutscenes.) Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell (Video Game) (GBA and N-Gage versions only; "Dark Action B" sampled in training and ending themes.) Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 3 (Video Game) ("Evil Mind 1" is used when Demoness is selected.) Tony Hawk's Underground 2 (Video Game) ("Evil Mind 3" is used in the first cutscene.) True Crime: Streets of L.A (2003) The Unholy War Vigilance Voodoo Kid Who Wants to Beat Up A Millionaire Wild 9 (Heard in the "Tunnel Love" theme.) World War III: Black Gold ("Predators".) X2: Wolverine's Revenge Yager (Low-pitched.) Zombasite Videos/DVDs Videos/DVDs Canticuentos: La Alegria de Cantar (2005) (Videos) LeapFrog: The Letter Factory (2003) (Videos) Theme Parks Theme Parks Universal Studios Hollywood: Special Effects Show SpongeBob SquarePants 4-D (Theme Parks) ("Tough Action (a)", and "Predators (a)" are heard once.) Bumpers/Interstitials/Station IDs Bumpers/Interstitials/Station IDs Commercials Commercials Armonyl ("Evil Mind 3" and "Psycho Chase (b)" are heard in a suspenseful skit.) BCI Bath & Showers ("Evil Mind 3" is heard frequently.) Capital One Chocman (2006) ("Evil Mind 3" is heard in Examendegradon) Cocoa Puffs (Either 2005 or 2006) DirecTV Argentina - Error 771 (2016) ("Evil Mind 3" is heard twice.) Enchufe TV (TNT) ("Evil Mind 3" is heard once in New Episodes Promo.) Fruit by the Foot - Shower (2010) ("Evil Mind 3" is heard once.) Fruit Gushers - Magic Gushers (1998) Got Milk? - Marvel Superheroes (Either 2000 or 2001) ("Action Fanfare (A)" are heard during a scene of the commercial.) Halo's ("Zoom C" is heard in the Cat commercial.) Heinz's Mustard - DJ Mustard Exclusive (2025) (Heard at the beginning when the ketchup bottle refuses to squeeze the ketchup out. NOTE: This is the last commercial to use "Evil Mind 3".) Honey Nut Cheerios - Geyser (2005) JCPenny - Back-to-School Zombies (2007) Kirby Mass Attack Commercial (2011) (the Last Part of "Psychos" is Heard.) Kraft Macaroni & Cheese Commercial - Channel Surfing (1999) ("Action Fanfare (a)" is heard in the Godzilla Scene.) Little Caesars Pizza - Slices N' Stix (2023) ("Evil Mind 3" is heard once during a suspenseful moment.) Nickelodeon Fruit Snacks - Jimmy Neutron (2004) Simon Malls Sims Snowboarding Sour Punch Straws - Punch School (2008) ("Evil Mind 3" is heard once.) Subway - Dinner Theatre (2006) Toyota Corolla - It's a Dream (2006) Logos Logos Cine BancoEstado (2008-present) Creat Studios (2002-2007) ("Zoom C" and "Help 4".) Jaya Prakash Rijal Pvt. (2004-2009) (Logos) ("Action Fanfare (a)" is heard when the logo reveals a title card.) Ruscico ("Dark Action (A-B)" and "Action Fanfare A") Saturn Plus ("Help 10" heard in version from "Jazz and Faust") SK Films (2001) (Logos) ("Lost Hearts D") Techland (1999-2001) ("Increase B" and "Psychos") Promos/Outros Promos/Outros Trailers Trailers Amorosa: The Revenge (2012) (Trailers) The Busy Bee Dogs: The 3 Little Pigs (2008) (Trailers) (The iMovie version of "Predators (d)" is heard once and "Evil Mind 3" is heard twice.) Dragon Ball Xenoverse (Trailers) ("Increase (b)" used near the end of E3 2014 trailer.) Jak II (Trailers) Little Longnose (2003) Moorhen 3: ...The Chicken Chase! (2001) Other Media Other Media TikTok Videos TikTok Videos YouTube Videos YouTube Videos Abridged Anime Abridged Anime Anime Anime Black Clover A Couple of Cuckoos Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba Dragon Ball Super Dragon Ball Z Eureka Seven (Many tracks are sampled in the soundtrack, including "Uncontrolled Self" and "type the END".) Fairy Tail ("Evil Mind 3" is used frequently.) The Future Diary (Several pieces are sampled in the anime's soundtrack, such as "Evil Mind 3" and a low pitched version of "Death Clock E".) Gintama Hetalia: Axis Powers ("Evil Mind 3" is heard once in Episodes 2 and 3.) JoJo's Bizarre Adventure ("Increase A & B", "Psycho Chase B", and "Wild and Free B" are only heard in the Battle Tendency arc.) Kaiji (Many tracks are sampled in the soundtrack, such as Dai zanazawa 1.) Kirby: Right Back at Ya! (occasionally sampled in the 4Kids version's soundtrack.) My Hero Academia (Heard in Season 1 Episode 5 & Season 2 Episode 12.) One Piece (Occasionally sampled in the 4Kids version's soundtrack, recycled from previous shows. Sampled in the Thriller Bark and Marineford Arcs.) Pokémon ? Re: Zero (Heard in Episode 1b.) S.A Scissor Seven Sonic X (Occasionally sampled in the 4Kids version's soundtrack.) Soul Eater Student Council's Discretion To Love-Ru Darkness To Love-Ru Darkness 2nd Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (International dub) KI,VIEW%20FULL%20SITE ==External links== {{Wikipedia|SpongeBob SquarePants season 16}} [[Category:SpongeBob SquarePants seasons]] [[Category:SpongeBob SquarePants]] 4f8jo5we5z922davjt58j0uilhreglh 3778879 3778878 2025-07-14T21:24:53Z 2600:1005:B001:4C74:0:7:7AD9:3001 /* Karate Pals [16.13a] */ 3778879 wikitext text/x-wiki {{DISPLAYTITLE:''SpongeBob SquarePants''/Season 16}} {{SpongeBob header}} '''''[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]''''' (1999–present) is an animated TV series, airing on Nickelodeon about the adventures and endeavors of the title character and his various friends in the fictional underwater city of Bikini Bottom. It spawned [[The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie|a movie]], followed by several short films, and video games. ==Episode 1== ===''Bizarro Bottom'' (featuring Weird "Al" Yankovic, Zoe McGaha-Schletter, Dashiell McGaha-Schletter) [16.1a]=== ===''Squidward's Tough Break'' [16.1b]=== ==Episode 2== ===''Curse of the WereDoodle'' [16.2a]=== ===''Gorilla Suit Day'' [16.2b]=== ==Episode 3== ===''Exchange Student Driver'' [16.3a]=== ===''The Kreepy Krab'' [16.3b]=== ==''[[SpongeBob and Patrick's Timeline Twist-Up]]'' (featuring John O'Hurley, Dana Sydner, Cree Summer, Tom Wilson, Jess Harnell, Gary Anthony Williams and Kevin Michael Richardson) [16.4-16.5]== :'''Past SpongeBob''': There it is. The finest eating establishment ever established for eating: The Krusty Krab, home of the Krabby Patty... with a Help Wanted sign in the... ''[Past Mr. Krabs takes the "Help Wanted" sign out the window]'' Huh? ''[runs towards the front doors to see Past Mr. Krabs and GrandPat]'' :'''Past Mr. Krabs''': ''[shaking hands with GrandPat]'' Congratulations, GrandPat. You're our new fry cook. ''[pulls GrandPat's hand]'' I hope that's not a problem working for your old frenemy. :'''GrandPat''': ''[pulls Past Mr. Krabs' hand]'' I'm not working for you, Krabs, I'm working near you. ''[lets go of Past Mr. Krabs' hand]'' :'''Past Mr. Krabs''': Whatever you say. :'''Past SpongeBob''': ''[walks away dejectedly]'' I was ready. I was ready. :'''GrandPat''': Hey, it's the old paperboy. :'''Past Squidward''': I'm not your paperboy anymore. :'''GrandPat''': To me, you'll always be my paperboy, paperboy. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Past SpongeBob''': I was ready. I was ready. :''[The time closet appears in the Barg'N-Mart as present SpongeBob comes out]'' :'''Present SpongeBob''': A hydrodynamic spatula with port and starboard attachments and turbo drive! ''[steps back into the time closet, but arrives again to give the clerk money]'' Oh, sorry. Keep the change. :'''Past SpongeBob''': I was ready. I was ready. :''[The time closet appears in front of past SpongeBob as his present self comes out and gives him the hydrodynamic spatula]'' :'''Present SpongeBob''': Here, take this spatula, fly to the Krusty Krab and save the day. :'''Past SpongeBob''': What? :'''Present SpongeBob''': Trust me, you got this. ''We'' got this. :'''Past SpongeBob''': Who are you, handsome stranger? You look kind of familiar :'''Present SpongeBob''': I'm just a simple sponge with a job. ''[gives his past self a Krusty Krab employee hat]'' Now you have one. :'''Past SpongeBob''': Whoa. :'''Present SpongeBob''': Now, who's ready? :'''Past SpongeBob''': I'm ready! :'''Present SpongeBob''': Who's ready? :'''Past SpongeBob''': I'm ready! :'''Present SpongeBob''': Who's ready?! :'''Past SpongeBob''': I'm ready! ''[flies to the Krusty Krab while his present self goes back into the time closet]'' ==Episode 6== ===''Laundro-Madness'' [16.6a]=== ===''Hog Huntin''' [16.6b]=== ==Episode 7== ===''SpongeBob TrashPants'' [16.7a]=== ===''Krusty Kafeteria'' [16.7b]=== ==Episode 8== ===''The Haunted Blanket'' [16.8a]=== ===''Go Fetch'' [16.8b]=== ==Episode 9== ===''Heart of Garbage'' [16.9a]=== ===''Near-Mint Plankton'' [16.9b]=== ==Episode 10== ===''Pardon My Wand'' [16.10a]=== ===''Stupor-stition'' [16.10b]=== ==''Pigskin Pearl'' [16.11]== ==Episode 12== ===''The Green Tentacle'' [16.12a]=== ===''Happy Krabby Birthday'' [16.12b]=== ==Episode 13== ===''Karate Pals'' [16.13a]=== ===''Karen's Klatch'' [16.13b]=== ==External links== {{Wikipedia|SpongeBob SquarePants season 16}} [[Category:SpongeBob SquarePants seasons]] [[Category:SpongeBob SquarePants]] jqq04npgtqjtbl2arqnxwkqw5hniohg 0 293059 3778895 3773319 2025-07-14T22:03:40Z Biowikician 3119109 /* Quotes */ 3778895 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Kola Oyewo|Kola Oyewo]]''' (born 27 March 1946) is a Nigerian veteran actor, dramatist, and scholar. {{actor-stub}} ==Quotes== *When you get old, there is a limit to the roles you can play. It is only those who need you and somebody close to your age that will invite you and give you roles. **[https://punchng.com/living-in-the-palace-as-a-child-helped-my-acting-career-veteran-actor-kola-oyewo/ Living in the palace as a child helped my acting career – Veteran actor, Kola] 3 July 2022, Punch (Nigeria) *There is a space for everybody except the lazy ones. If you are not lazy, there is a space for you. **[https://punchng.com/living-in-the-palace-as-a-child-helped-my-acting-career-veteran-actor-kola-oyewo/ Living in the palace as a child helped my acting career – Veteran actor, Kola Oyewo] 3 July 2022, Punch (Nigeria) == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Oyewo, Kola}} [[Category:Actors from Nigeria]] [[Category:1946 births]] [[Category:Living people]] epilukelbm2h7599q3rb6jevbxzqk9r 0 293217 3778703 3776223 2025-07-14T14:01:01Z Siarhei V 3145189 new quotes 3778703 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Siarhei Besarab|Siarhei Besarab]]''' (Belarusian: ''Сяргей Бесараб''; Russian: ''Сергей Бесараб'') (born 25 July 1984) is a [[w:Belarusian|Belarusian]] [[w:chemist|chemist]], [[w:civil activism|civil activist]], and [[w:science communication|science communicator]] known for his contributions to popularizing science in the fields of [[w:radioactivity|radioactivity]], [[w:nuclear safety|nuclear safety]], and [[w:environmental protection|environmental protection]]. == Quotes == * ''Лічыце кошт антрапаморфнасці.'' ** [Count the cost of anthropomorphism.] ** {{cite web |url=https://greenbelarus.info/articles/12-06-2025/pobach-z-tekhnalogiyami-pavinna-zausyody-isci-etyka |title=Побач з тэхналогіямі павінна заўсёды ісці этыка |publisher=Зялёны партал |date=2025-01-13 |accessdate=2025-07-08 |language=Belarusian}} * ''На адных тэхналогіях сёння складана нешта пабудаваць. Побач з тэхналогіямі павінна заўсёды ісці этыка.'' ** [On technologies alone, it is difficult to build something today. Ethics should always go alongside technologies.] ** {{cite web |url=https://greenbelarus.info/articles/12-06-2025/pobach-z-tekhnalogiyami-pavinna-zausyody-isci-etyka |title=Побач з тэхналогіямі павінна заўсёды ісці этыка |publisher=Зялёны партал |date=2025-01-13 |accessdate=2025-07-08 |language=Belarusian}} * ''Этычнасць любой тэхналогіі – гэта і ёсць яе прыгажосць.'' ** [The ethicality of any technology is its beauty.] ** {{cite web |url=https://greenbelarus.info/articles/12-06-2025/pobach-z-tekhnalogiyami-pavinna-zausyody-isci-etyka |title=Побач з тэхналогіямі павінна заўсёды ісці этыка |publisher=Зялёны партал |date=2025-01-13 |accessdate=2025-07-08 |language=Belarusian}} * ''Тое, што цяпер ёсць, сучасныя генератыўныя мадэлі – гэта, так бы казаць, Т9 на стэроідах: статыстычны аўтазавяршальнік.'' ** [What we have now, modern generative models – this is, so to speak, T9 on steroids: a statistical autocompleter.] ** {{cite web |url=https://greenbelarus.info/articles/12-06-2025/pobach-z-tekhnalogiyami-pavinna-zausyody-isci-etyka |title=Побач з тэхналогіямі павінна заўсёды ісці этыка |publisher=Зялёны партал |date=2025-01-13 |accessdate=2025-07-08 |language=Belarusian}} * ''Я раю разрозніваць радыяфобію і радыябяспеку.'' ** [I advise distinguishing between radiophobia and radiation safety.] ** {{cite web |url=https://greenbelarus.info/articles/12-06-2025/pobach-z-tekhnalogiyami-pavinna-zausyody-isci-etyka |title=Побач з тэхналогіямі павінна заўсёды ісці этыка |publisher=Зялёны партал |date=2025-01-13 |accessdate=2025-07-08 |language=Belarusian}} * ''Есць такая цікавая формула: інтэлектуальны ўзровень натоўпу роўны інтэлектуальнаму ўзроўню самага дурнога яго прадстаўніка, падзеленаму на колькасць удзельнікаў. З гэтага вынікае, што ўсе рэпрэсіўныя рэжымы імкнуцца знішчыць навуковыя і інтэлектуальныя эліты і адукацыю. У выніку сістэма кіравання краінай поўнасцю аказваецца ў руках найменш кваліфікаваных ці найменш сумленных грамадзян.'' ** [There is a curious formula: the intelligence of a crowd equals the intelligence of its dumbest member divided by the number of participants. From this it follows that all repressive regimes strive to destroy scientific and intellectual elites and education. As a result, the governance system of a country ends up in the hands of its least qualified or least honest citizens. All of this characterizes the official system of control over the Belarusian scientific community.] ** {{cite web |url=https://nashaniva.com/314277 |title=Навуковец патлумачыў феномен рэжыму і ацаніў страты беларускай навукі за час кіравання Лукашэнкі |publisher=Наша Ніва |date=2023-04-17 |accessdate=2025-07-08 |language=Belarusian}} * ''Зараз мы зачынены, абсалютна зачынены ў межах нашай планеты. Чалавецтву цесна ў межах Зямлі і вы бачыце, да чаго гэта прыводзіць, знішчэнне, войны за рэсурсы. Мы дасягнулі эвалюцыйнай мяжы. І цяпер, калі мы не выйдзем да зорак, то нам канец, цывілізацыі – канец. Шлях да зорак – гэта адзіны магчымы шлях выратаваць цывілізацыю.'' ** [We are now closed off, completely confined within our planet. Humanity is cramped on Earth, and you see where that leads: destruction, wars over resources. We have reached an evolutionary limit. And now, if we do not reach for the stars, it is the end for us—civilization’s end. The path to the stars is the only possible way to save civilization.] (02:08) ** {{cite web |url=https://soundcloud.com/euroradiofm/use-my-razam-lyatsm-da-zor-erazum-za-14-kastrychnka-novosti-belarusi-za-14-oktyabrya |title=Еўразум: Усе мы разам ляцім да зор |publisher=EuroradioFM |date=2024-10-14 |accessdate=2025-07-08 | |format=Podcast |language=Belarusian}} * ''Тарнада ў Беларусі будуць усё часцейшымі, і з гэтым трэба навучыцца жыць.'' ** [Tornadoes in Belarus will become more frequent, and we need to learn to live with this.] ** {{cite web |url=https://belsat.eu/87829612/tarnada-belarus |title=Навуковец Сяргей Бесараб: тарнада ў Беларусі будуць усё часцейшымі, і з гэтым трэба навучыцца жыць |publisher=Белсат |date=2025-07-14 |accessdate=2025-07-14 |language=Belarusian}} * ''Чалавеку прасцей верыць у тэорыі змовы, чым прыняць, што мы жывем у вельмі складаным хаатычным свеце. І нават маючы суперкампутары, мы не можам пралічыць усе працэсы, якія адбываюцца ў атмасферы.'' ** [It is easier for people to believe in conspiracy theories than to accept that we live in a very complex, chaotic world. Even with supercomputers, we cannot calculate all the processes occurring in the atmosphere.] ** {{cite web |url=https://belsat.eu/87829612/tarnada-belarus |title=Навуковец Сяргей Бесараб: тарнада ў Беларусі будуць усё часцейшымі, і з гэтым трэба навучыцца жыць |publisher=Белсат |date=2025-07-14 |accessdate=2025-07-14 |language=Belarusian}} * ''Няма нейкіх прышэльцаў, змовы сусветных сіяністаў ці сакрэтных тэхналогіяў. Ёсць канкрэтныя выкіды парніковых газаў, якія разбалансавалі клімат зямлі. У гэтым сэнсе мы сапраўды ствараем надвор’е, але не з дапамогай нейкай кліматычнай зброі, а калектыўна сваёй гаспадарчай дзейнасцю цягам апошніх 100–150 гадоў.'' ** [There are no aliens, no global conspiracies, no secret technologies. There are specific greenhouse gas emissions that have destabilized the Earth's climate. In this sense, we really are creating the weather—not with climate weapons, but collectively through our economic activity over the past 100 to 150 years.] ** {{cite web |url=https://belsat.eu/87829612/tarnada-belarus |title=Навуковец Сяргей Бесараб: тарнада ў Беларусі будуць усё часцейшымі, і з гэтым трэба навучыцца жыць |publisher=Белсат |date=2025-07-14 |accessdate=2025-07-14 |language=Belarusian}} * ''Усё адкаціць назад мы ўжо не зможам. Нам застаецца змякчэнне і адаптацыя.'' ** [We will not be able to roll everything back. All that remains is mitigation and adaptation.] ** {{cite web |url=https://belsat.eu/87829612/tarnada-belarus |title=Навуковец Сяргей Бесараб: тарнада ў Беларусі будуць усё часцейшымі, і з гэтым трэба навучыцца жыць |publisher=Белсат |date=2025-07-14 |accessdate=2025-07-14 |language=Belarusian}} == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{commonscat|Siarhei Besarab}} * [https://steanlab.github.io/about Official website] * [https://www.linkedin.com/in/steanlab LinkedIn profile] {{DEFAULTSORT:Besarab, Siarhei}} [[Category:1984 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Chemists from Belarus]] [[Category:Activists from Belarus]] sfscagsbm6pwrj5kyzua7p94psj13p2 0 293303 3778761 3778446 2025-07-14T17:11:19Z 2600:1702:3CA0:38D0:507:D17D:9A19:6249 /* Others */ 3778761 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} [[File:Daily Planet para Superman (2025) - 1.jpg|thumb| I was sent here to serve [[humanity]] and to [[help]] the [[world]] be a better place. That is why I do what I do. I cherish it more than anything.]] '''''[[w:Superman (2025 film)|Superman]]''''' is a 2025 American superhero film about Superman as he must prove to the world that he is their protector after billionaire Lex Luthor conducts a plan to turn public opinion against him. It is the first installment in the [[w:DC Universe (franchise)|DC Universe]] and a second rebooted [[Superman]] film. :''Directed and written by [[James Gunn]], based on the DC Comics character of [[Superman]].'' {{center|'''It begins.'''{{small|([[#Taglines|taglines]])}}}} == [[w:Superman|Kal-El / Clark Kent / Superman]] == [[File:David Corenswet as Clark Kent (cropped).jpg|thumb|I try to make the best [[choices]] I can. I screw up all the time, but ''that'' is being [[human]]. And that's my greatest [[strength]].]] * Krypto... take me home. Home! * I was sent here to serve humanity and to help the world be a better place. That is why I do what I do. I cherish it more than anything. * What you're looking at is the most powerful being on planet Earth. <!-- * Hey, buddy. Eyes up here. --> * I think I'm doing a good job. * That is where you are wrong about me, Lex! I'm as human as anyone! I love! I get scared! I wake up every morning and despite not knowing what to do, I put one foot in front of the other and I try to make the best choices I can! I screw up all the time! But ''that'' is being human! And that's my greatest strength! <br /> And someday, I hope for sake of the world, you understand that it's yours too! == [[w:Lois Lane|Lois Lane]] == [[File:Rachel Brosnahan as Lois Lane (53817352801) (cropped).jpg|thumb|You think everything and everyone is [[beautiful]].]] * I'm not the one being interviewed, Superman. * You have a dog? * I didn't actually make it through your writing, Clark. Knowledge is worth many sacrifices. That isn't one of them. == [[Lex Luthor]] == * I can't stand the Metahumans, but he's so much worse. Super... "man". He's not a man. He's an ''it''. A thing with a cocky grin and a stupid outfit, that's somehow become the focal point of the entire world's conversation. Nothing's felt right since he showed up == [[w:Mister Terrific (Michael Holt)|Michael Holt / Mister Terrific]] == * I'm goddamn Mister Terrific! == [[w:Guy Gardner (character)|Guy Gardner / Green Lantern]] == * Make a move, Big Blue. == Others == * '''[[w:Jor-El|Jor-El]]:''' We have searched the universe for a home where you can do the most good and live out Krypton's truth. That place is Earth. * '''[[w:Jonathan and Martha Kent|Pa Kent]]:''' Parents aren’t for telling their children who they’re supposed to be. We are here to give y’all tools to help you make fools of yourselves all on your own. Your choices, Clark. Your actions. That’s what makes you who you are. Let me tell you something, son, I couldn’t be… more proud of you. * '''[[w:Maxwell Lord|Maxwell Lord]]:''' The one thing that liberals and conservatives can finally agree on is that Lex Luthor sucks. == Dialogue == :'''Lois Lane''': You think everything and everyone is beautiful. :'''Superman''': Maybe that's the real punk rock. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lois Lane''': You have a flying saucer, but you couldn't get a faster garage door? :'''Mr. Terrific''': I haven't worked on that. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': You're driven by envy, Luthor. :'''Lex Luthor''': No shit. I'm aware envy consumes my every waking moment. I know when they mention [[Galileo]] or [[Einstein]] or one of these other twits in the same breath as me, I feel a tide of vomit burn the back of my throat! But at least Galileo did something. He wasn't some dopey Venusian catapulted onto this planet just to have the world fawn over him! Because his strength illuminates how ''weak'' we all really are! So, my envy is a calling! It is the sole hope for humanity, because it is what has driven me to annihilating ''you''! == Taglines == * Look up. * It begins. == Cast == * [[w:David Corenswet|David Corenswet]] — [[Superman|Kal-El / Clark Kent / Superman]] * [[w:Rachel Brosnahan|Rachel Brosnahan]] — [[w:Lois Lane|Lois Lane]] * [[Nicholas Hoult]] — [[w:Lex Luthor|Lex Luthor]] * [[w:Edi Gathegi|Edi Gathegi]] — [[w:Mister Terrific (Michael Holt)|Michael Holt / Mister Terrific]] * [[w:Anthony Carrigan (actor)|Anthony Carrigan]] — [[w:Metamorpho|Rex Mason / Metamorpho]] * [[w:Nathan Fillion|Nathan Fillion]] — [[w:Guy Gardner (character)|Guy Gardner / Green Lantern]] * [[w:Isabela Merced|Isabela Merced]] — [[w:Hawkgirl (Kendra Saunders)|Kendra Saunders / Hawkgirl]] * [[w:Pruitt Taylor Vince|Pruitt Taylor Vince]] — [[w:Jonathan and Martha Kent|Jonathan Kent]] * Neva Howell — [[w:Jonathan and Martha Kent|Martha Kent]] * [[w:Wendell Pierce|Wendell Pierce]] — [[w:Perry White|Perry White]] * [[w:Skyler Gisondo|Skyler Gisondo]] — [[w:Jimmy Olsen|Jimmy Olsen]] * [[w:Eve Teschmacher|Eve Teschmacher]] — [[w:Eve Teschmacher|Eve Teschmacher]] * [[w:Beck Bennett|Beck Bennett]] — [[w:Steve Lombard|Steve Lombard]] * [[w:Mikaela Hoover|Mikaela Hoover]] — [[w:Cat Grant|Cat Grant]] * [[w:María Gabriela de Faría|María Gabriela de Faría]] — [[w:The Authority (comics)|Angela Spica / The Engineer]] * [[w:Frank Grillo|Frank Grillo]] — [[w:Rick Flag|Rick Flag Sr.]] * [[w:Bradley Cooper|Bradley Cooper]] — [[w:Jor-El|Jor-El]] * [[w:Angela Sarafyan|Angela Sarafyan]] — [[w:Lara (character)|Lara Lor-Van]] ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} {{commonscat}} *{{Official website|https://www.supermanmovie.com}} *{{IMDb title|5950044|Superman}} *{{rotten-tomatoes|superman_2025|Superman}} {{DC Comics live-action films}} [[Category:2025 films]] [[Category:2020s American films]] [[Category:Action films]] [[Category:Comic book films]] [[Category:Science fiction films]] [[Category:Drama films]] [[Category:Films directed by James Gunn]] [[Category:DC Universe (franchise)]] [[Category:Journalist films]] [[Category:Reboot films]] [[Category:Screenplays by James Gunn]] [[Category:Superman films]] [[Category:Films about dogs]] [[Category:Films set on fictional planets]] earv6ikpfya7a80veioj84hnq7j010q 3778762 3778761 2025-07-14T17:13:52Z UnknownMorsel 3106105 /* Dialogue */ 3778762 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} [[File:Daily Planet para Superman (2025) - 1.jpg|thumb| I was sent here to serve [[humanity]] and to [[help]] the [[world]] be a better place. That is why I do what I do. I cherish it more than anything.]] '''''[[w:Superman (2025 film)|Superman]]''''' is a 2025 American superhero film about Superman as he must prove to the world that he is their protector after billionaire Lex Luthor conducts a plan to turn public opinion against him. It is the first installment in the [[w:DC Universe (franchise)|DC Universe]] and a second rebooted [[Superman]] film. :''Directed and written by [[James Gunn]], based on the DC Comics character of [[Superman]].'' {{center|'''It begins.'''{{small|([[#Taglines|taglines]])}}}} == [[w:Superman|Kal-El / Clark Kent / Superman]] == [[File:David Corenswet as Clark Kent (cropped).jpg|thumb|I try to make the best [[choices]] I can. I screw up all the time, but ''that'' is being [[human]]. And that's my greatest [[strength]].]] * Krypto... take me home. Home! * I was sent here to serve humanity and to help the world be a better place. That is why I do what I do. I cherish it more than anything. * What you're looking at is the most powerful being on planet Earth. <!-- * Hey, buddy. Eyes up here. --> * I think I'm doing a good job. * That is where you are wrong about me, Lex! I'm as human as anyone! I love! I get scared! I wake up every morning and despite not knowing what to do, I put one foot in front of the other and I try to make the best choices I can! I screw up all the time! But ''that'' is being human! And that's my greatest strength! <br /> And someday, I hope for sake of the world, you understand that it's yours too! == [[w:Lois Lane|Lois Lane]] == [[File:Rachel Brosnahan as Lois Lane (53817352801) (cropped).jpg|thumb|You think everything and everyone is [[beautiful]].]] * I'm not the one being interviewed, Superman. * You have a dog? * I didn't actually make it through your writing, Clark. Knowledge is worth many sacrifices. That isn't one of them. == [[Lex Luthor]] == * I can't stand the Metahumans, but he's so much worse. Super... "man". He's not a man. He's an ''it''. A thing with a cocky grin and a stupid outfit, that's somehow become the focal point of the entire world's conversation. Nothing's felt right since he showed up == [[w:Mister Terrific (Michael Holt)|Michael Holt / Mister Terrific]] == * I'm goddamn Mister Terrific! == [[w:Guy Gardner (character)|Guy Gardner / Green Lantern]] == * Make a move, Big Blue. == Others == * '''[[w:Jor-El|Jor-El]]:''' We have searched the universe for a home where you can do the most good and live out Krypton's truth. That place is Earth. * '''[[w:Jonathan and Martha Kent|Pa Kent]]:''' Parents aren’t for telling their children who they’re supposed to be. We are here to give y’all tools to help you make fools of yourselves all on your own. Your choices, Clark. Your actions. That’s what makes you who you are. Let me tell you something, son, I couldn’t be… more proud of you. * '''[[w:Maxwell Lord|Maxwell Lord]]:''' The one thing that liberals and conservatives can finally agree on is that Lex Luthor sucks. == Dialogue == :'''Lois Lane''': You think everything and everyone is beautiful. :'''Superman''': Maybe that's the real punk rock. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Lois Lane''': You have a flying saucer, but you couldn't get a faster garage door? :'''Mr. Terrific''': I haven't worked on that. <hr width="50%"/> :'''Superman''': You're driven by envy, Luthor. :'''Lex Luthor''': No shit. I'm not dim. I'm aware envy consumes my every waking moment. I ''know'' when they mention [[Galileo]] or [[Einstein]] or one of these other twits in the same breath as me, I feel a tide of vomit burn the back of my throat! But at least Galileo did something. He wasn't some dopey Venusian catapulted onto this planet just to have the world fawn over him! Because his strength illuminates how ''weak'' we all really are! So, my envy is a calling! It is the sole hope for humanity, because it is what has driven me to annihilating ''you''! == Taglines == * Look up. * It begins. == Cast == * [[w:David Corenswet|David Corenswet]] — [[Superman|Kal-El / Clark Kent / Superman]] * [[w:Rachel Brosnahan|Rachel Brosnahan]] — [[w:Lois Lane|Lois Lane]] * [[Nicholas Hoult]] — [[w:Lex Luthor|Lex Luthor]] * [[w:Edi Gathegi|Edi Gathegi]] — [[w:Mister Terrific (Michael Holt)|Michael Holt / Mister Terrific]] * [[w:Anthony Carrigan (actor)|Anthony Carrigan]] — [[w:Metamorpho|Rex Mason / Metamorpho]] * [[w:Nathan Fillion|Nathan Fillion]] — [[w:Guy Gardner (character)|Guy Gardner / Green Lantern]] * [[w:Isabela Merced|Isabela Merced]] — [[w:Hawkgirl (Kendra Saunders)|Kendra Saunders / Hawkgirl]] * [[w:Pruitt Taylor Vince|Pruitt Taylor Vince]] — [[w:Jonathan and Martha Kent|Jonathan Kent]] * Neva Howell — [[w:Jonathan and Martha Kent|Martha Kent]] * [[w:Wendell Pierce|Wendell Pierce]] — [[w:Perry White|Perry White]] * [[w:Skyler Gisondo|Skyler Gisondo]] — [[w:Jimmy Olsen|Jimmy Olsen]] * [[w:Eve Teschmacher|Eve Teschmacher]] — [[w:Eve Teschmacher|Eve Teschmacher]] * [[w:Beck Bennett|Beck Bennett]] — [[w:Steve Lombard|Steve Lombard]] * [[w:Mikaela Hoover|Mikaela Hoover]] — [[w:Cat Grant|Cat Grant]] * [[w:María Gabriela de Faría|María Gabriela de Faría]] — [[w:The Authority (comics)|Angela Spica / The Engineer]] * [[w:Frank Grillo|Frank Grillo]] — [[w:Rick Flag|Rick Flag Sr.]] * [[w:Bradley Cooper|Bradley Cooper]] — [[w:Jor-El|Jor-El]] * [[w:Angela Sarafyan|Angela Sarafyan]] — [[w:Lara (character)|Lara Lor-Van]] ==External links== {{Wikipedia}} {{commonscat}} *{{Official website|https://www.supermanmovie.com}} *{{IMDb title|5950044|Superman}} *{{rotten-tomatoes|superman_2025|Superman}} {{DC Comics live-action films}} [[Category:2025 films]] [[Category:2020s American films]] [[Category:Action films]] [[Category:Comic book films]] [[Category:Science fiction films]] [[Category:Drama films]] [[Category:Films directed by James Gunn]] [[Category:DC Universe (franchise)]] [[Category:Journalist films]] [[Category:Reboot films]] [[Category:Screenplays by James Gunn]] [[Category:Superman films]] [[Category:Films about dogs]] [[Category:Films set on fictional planets]] 4iy4dc6tiywhg8hu6brjoj62521xihh 0 293374 3778477 3778300 2025-07-14T12:00:17Z UDScott 4304 3778477 wikitext text/x-wiki {{people-cleanup}} Mensa Otabil (born August 31, 1959), is a Ghanaian theologian, motivational speaker, and entrepreneur.<ref>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mensa_Otabil#cite_note-icg-1</ref> He is the founder of International Central Gospel Church headquartered in Accra, Ghana.<ref>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mensa_Otabil#cite_note-Mensah_Otabil-2</ref> '''Quote''' * If you want to be intelligent, you must feed your mind with knowledge<ref>https://livingourbible.com/2024/12/10/21-inspiring-quotes-by-pastor-mensa-otabil-on-living-intentionally-with-purpose/</ref> * Preparation is the key to solving the challenges of the future <ref>https://livingourbible.com/2024/12/10/21-inspiring-quotes-by-pastor-mensa-otabil-on-living-intentionally-with-purpose/</ref> kyvffd266jncd0xwfkufunuq9v8ymfy 0 293375 3778478 3778314 2025-07-14T12:01:02Z UDScott 4304 added [[Category:Actors from Nigeria]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778478 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Femi Branch|Femi Branch]]''' (born May 14, 1970) is a Nigerian actor, director, producer and politician who contested for deputy governor during the 2023 general election in Ogun state. {{actor-stub}} ==Quotes== *If you have to go bald, you go bald. If you have to carry warts on your face, you carry warts! Your body doesn’t belong to you, it belongs to the craft. That’s why you’ll never see such actors in serious projects. Producers and directors know how to sift the wheat from the chaff.Who cares about your good looks? People are paying for the characters they can relate with. **[https://pmnewsnigeria.com/2025/05/23/some-nigerian-actors-are-frauds-femi-branch/ Some Nigerian actors are frauds - Femi Branch] 23 May 2025, PM NEWS (Nigeria). *In every film, there is a lesson to be learned. **[https://lifestyle.thecable.ng/interview-dont-blame-nollywood-for-ritual-killings-were-only-mirroring-society-says-femi-branch/ INTERVIEW: Don’t blame Nollywood for ritual killings… we’re only mirroring society, says Femi Branch] 15 May 2022, THE CABLE (Nigeria) *Religion is a thing even God has a problem with. We’re subjected to the servitude of our fellow men in the name of spirituality. **[https://lifestyle.thecable.ng/interview-dont-blame-nollywood-for-ritual-killings-were-only-mirroring-society-says-femi-branch/ INTERVIEW: Don’t blame Nollywood for ritual killings… we’re only mirroring society, says Femi Branch] 15 May 2022, THE CABLE (Nigeria) [[Category:Actors from Nigeria]] av7r0vqo5xr72mxtxp9twuj2v46cooj 3778479 3778478 2025-07-14T12:01:32Z UDScott 4304 3778479 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Femi Branch|Femi Branch]]''' (born May 14, 1970) is a Nigerian actor, director, producer and politician who contested for deputy governor during the 2023 general election in Ogun state. {{actor-stub}} ==Quotes== *If you have to go bald, you go bald. If you have to carry warts on your face, you carry warts! Your body doesn’t belong to you, it belongs to the craft. That’s why you’ll never see such actors in serious projects. Producers and directors know how to sift the wheat from the chaff.Who cares about your good looks? People are paying for the characters they can relate with. **[https://pmnewsnigeria.com/2025/05/23/some-nigerian-actors-are-frauds-femi-branch/ Some Nigerian actors are frauds - Femi Branch] 23 May 2025, PM NEWS (Nigeria). *In every film, there is a lesson to be learned. **[https://lifestyle.thecable.ng/interview-dont-blame-nollywood-for-ritual-killings-were-only-mirroring-society-says-femi-branch/ INTERVIEW: Don’t blame Nollywood for ritual killings… we’re only mirroring society, says Femi Branch] 15 May 2022, THE CABLE (Nigeria) *Religion is a thing even God has a problem with. We’re subjected to the servitude of our fellow men in the name of spirituality. **[https://lifestyle.thecable.ng/interview-dont-blame-nollywood-for-ritual-killings-were-only-mirroring-society-says-femi-branch/ INTERVIEW: Don’t blame Nollywood for ritual killings… we’re only mirroring society, says Femi Branch] 15 May 2022, THE CABLE (Nigeria) == External links == {{wikipedia}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Branch, Femi}} [[Category:Actors from Nigeria]] fqm7cp2ajsfhkglff3ddzdp70alras1 0 293389 3778481 3778472 2025-07-14T12:03:26Z UDScott 4304 3778481 wikitext text/x-wiki {{people-cleanup}} '''Jorge Castro''' (born [[March 23]], [[1991]], in Cali, Colombia) is a Colombian-Swedish entrepreneur, digital marketer, and SEO expert. He is the founder and CEO of Growth Marketing Sweden AB and the creator of the AI-driven SaaS platform JorgeCastro.ai. == Quotes == * “Brands should ensure their in-game ads align seamlessly with the gaming experience and audience preferences. Prioritize placements in games where the target demographic is active, and design ads to feel organic, nondisruptive and relevant to the game’s environment.” : ― Forbes Councils Member, ''17 Expert Tips For Advertisers Considering Placements In Video Games'', ''Forbes'', February 24, 2025 * “A brand could create branded content like a miniseries or documentary aligned with its mission, streaming it on CTV platforms. For example, an eco-friendly brand might produce a series on sustainability, using storytelling to engage audiences while subtly promoting its values and initiatives.” : ― Forbes Councils Member, ''How To Leverage Connected TV And Streaming For PR Campaigns'', ''Forbes'', January 28, 2025 * “Embrace data-driven SEO. By analyzing user behavior, search trends, and performance metrics, you can make informed decisions that enhance your site’s visibility and ranking.” : ― ''Mastering SEO: Secrets from the Black Belt Swedish Guru Jorge Castro (Finalist at Global Search Awards)'', Global Search Awards, June 25, 2024 * “As we continue to pioneer new approaches and technologies in the dynamic field of SEO, our commitment remains steadfast to helping businesses unlock their full potential through the transformative power of search.” : ― ''Driving Growth: The Road to Dominance in Local Searches with Growth Marketing and Däckskiftarna'', European Search Awards, April 12, 2024 [[Category:1991 births]] [[Category:Living people]] 2as0p88u45ntrz086tww9eupts34y3k 14 293390 3778491 2025-07-14T12:24:09Z UDScott 4304 Created page with "[[Category:Architects by country|China]] [[Category:People from China by occupation]]" 3778491 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Architects by country|China]] [[Category:People from China by occupation]] 4wccqx5b78gpinzhhv6899w6xzqcrwy 14 293391 3778493 2025-07-14T12:25:24Z UDScott 4304 Created page with "[[Category:Architects by country|Russia]] [[Category:People from Russia by occupation]]" 3778493 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Architects by country|Russia]] [[Category:People from Russia by occupation]] 5zdb8zbwdqu88j8i83zqa5trt2pb34c 14 293392 3778504 2025-07-14T12:29:11Z UDScott 4304 Created page with "[[Category:Architects by country|Kenya]] [[Category:People from Kenya by occupation]]" 3778504 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Architects by country|Kenya]] [[Category:People from Kenya by occupation]] 4u4nmr69v6j560j23fv6b2knacjymdz 14 293393 3778508 2025-07-14T12:30:39Z UDScott 4304 Created page with "[[Category:Architects by country|Belgium]] [[Category:People from Belgium by occupation]]" 3778508 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Architects by country|Belgium]] [[Category:People from Belgium by occupation]] 625xyamzmagz0lf2jhqpu1e3q2dp14o 14 293394 3778510 2025-07-14T12:31:24Z UDScott 4304 Created page with "[[Category:Architects by country|Brazil]] [[Category:People from Brazil by occupation]]" 3778510 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Architects by country|Brazil]] [[Category:People from Brazil by occupation]] 1hbdtsfv1nc2butemmhifv8ucw17q8k 14 293395 3778512 2025-07-14T12:32:10Z UDScott 4304 Created page with "[[Category:Architects by country|Norway]] [[Category:People from Norway by occupation]]" 3778512 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Architects by country|Norway]] [[Category:People from Norway by occupation]] tjlk4rx38f0kksn2xqzhggwmesfyc3o 14 293396 3778514 2025-07-14T12:32:51Z UDScott 4304 Created page with "[[Category:Architects by country|Canada]] [[Category:People from Canada by occupation]]" 3778514 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Architects by country|Canada]] [[Category:People from Canada by occupation]] h2c2864csc8m91ohn4tqucoitwo810n 14 293397 3778519 2025-07-14T12:34:36Z UDScott 4304 Created page with "[[Category:Architects by country|Iran]] [[Category:People from Iran by occupation]]" 3778519 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Architects by country|Iran]] [[Category:People from Iran by occupation]] mw9h1ijl9o7ythdy8fb7ska87va2k3p 14 293398 3778520 2025-07-14T12:34:59Z UDScott 4304 Created page with "[[Category:Memoirists by country|Iran]] [[Category:Authors from Iran]]" 3778520 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Memoirists by country|Iran]] [[Category:Authors from Iran]] 1c342sb2oi661lbjs5zmhucryxtrx3t 14 293399 3778523 2025-07-14T12:35:45Z UDScott 4304 Created page with "[[Category:Non-fiction authors by country|Finland]] [[Category:Authors from Finland]]" 3778523 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Non-fiction authors by country|Finland]] [[Category:Authors from Finland]] salyngvem4eg5hzg6szlsp1sw0lph3s 14 293400 3778532 2025-07-14T12:39:01Z UDScott 4304 Created page with "[[Category:Architects by country|India]] [[Category:People from India by occupation]]" 3778532 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Architects by country|India]] [[Category:People from India by occupation]] cp0s79pksoeazs2k3v1qj5k570y2m44 14 293401 3778536 2025-07-14T12:40:45Z UDScott 4304 Created page with "[[Category:Architects by country|Australia]] [[Category:People from Australia by occupation]]" 3778536 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Architects by country|Australia]] [[Category:People from Australia by occupation]] ixql7y2957zeudq3s5gzt82tc3q37l1 0 293402 3778546 2025-07-14T12:42:54Z UDScott 4304 UDScott moved page [[Anatoly Vasiliev]] to [[Anatoly Vasiliev (painter)]] 3778546 wikitext text/x-wiki #REDIRECT [[Anatoly Vasiliev (painter)]] 9hlfls5101v5t2nk0luk55kterpkgwq 14 293403 3778551 2025-07-14T12:44:31Z UDScott 4304 Created page with "[[Category:Architects by country|Rome]] [[Category:People from Rome by occupation]]" 3778551 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Architects by country|Rome]] [[Category:People from Rome by occupation]] 6qiem1wsqjf73vghk9cimjdfsi6xnba 14 293404 3778554 2025-07-14T12:45:17Z UDScott 4304 Created page with "[[Category:Women by country|Thailand]] [[Category:People from Thailand]]" 3778554 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Women by country|Thailand]] [[Category:People from Thailand]] onsescr7scqlm27glbrjr6vazet1hu7 14 293405 3778556 2025-07-14T12:45:39Z UDScott 4304 Created page with "[[Category:Architects by country|Thailand]] [[Category:People from Thailand by occupation]]" 3778556 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Architects by country|Thailand]] [[Category:People from Thailand by occupation]] kdiugybpgaiftb6jwqiffg4smkzzqjb 14 293406 3778614 2025-07-14T12:49:24Z UDScott 4304 Created page with "[[Category:Activists]]" 3778614 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Activists]] myabv0wbm6du83q6tndi2rxk3tzy51y 14 293407 3778619 2025-07-14T12:52:00Z UDScott 4304 Created page with "[[Category:Models by country|Kenya]] [[Category:People from Kenya by occupation]]" 3778619 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Models by country|Kenya]] [[Category:People from Kenya by occupation]] 7cgpi5li7xvicuqxd19pq5pen9wu7ps 14 293408 3778656 2025-07-14T13:37:06Z UDScott 4304 Created page with "[[Category:Comedians by country|India]] [[Category:People from India by occupation]]" 3778656 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Comedians by country|India]] [[Category:People from India by occupation]] 7qge9j8lm16r0rm38znvc5ep0obya6q 14 293409 3778658 2025-07-14T13:38:09Z UDScott 4304 Created page with "[[Category:Comedians by country|Hong Kong]] [[Category:People from Hong Kong by occupation]]" 3778658 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Comedians by country|Hong Kong]] [[Category:People from Hong Kong by occupation]] rjkg2wsuxbz40c8bm1ettszi3988ez8 14 293410 3778660 2025-07-14T13:38:56Z UDScott 4304 Created page with "[[Category:Comedians by country|France]] [[Category:People from France by occupation]]" 3778660 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Comedians by country|France]] [[Category:People from France by occupation]] 9apyurmxs0b4ly60bt3l6939f3xcee6 14 293411 3778664 2025-07-14T13:40:10Z UDScott 4304 Created page with "[[Category:Comedians by country|Spain]] [[Category:People from Spain by occupation]]" 3778664 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Comedians by country|Spain]] [[Category:People from Spain by occupation]] 8i3zfnmu6g1srkdm89095m16id2nqm3 14 293412 3778669 2025-07-14T13:42:17Z UDScott 4304 Created page with "[[Category:Comedians by country|Rwanda]] [[Category:People from Rwanda by occupation]]" 3778669 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Comedians by country|Rwanda]] [[Category:People from Rwanda by occupation]] hgub7uhan5j8abybys29wrshvcld7nd 14 293413 3778671 2025-07-14T13:43:27Z UDScott 4304 Created page with "[[Category:Comedians by country|Kenya]] [[Category:People from Kenya by occupation]]" 3778671 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Comedians by country|Kenya]] [[Category:People from Kenya by occupation]] e3w95gw35bj4kwt999r8yhqauf7zepo 14 293414 3778675 2025-07-14T13:46:21Z UDScott 4304 Created page with "[[Category:Comedians by country|Germany]] [[Category:People from Germany by occupation]]" 3778675 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Comedians by country|Germany]] [[Category:People from Germany by occupation]] iskh7vudt9f6w0zpkzhscgvm1lyvgla 14 293415 3778679 2025-07-14T13:48:00Z UDScott 4304 Created page with "[[Category:Musicians by country|New Zealand]] [[Category:People from New Zealand by occupation]]" 3778679 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Musicians by country|New Zealand]] [[Category:People from New Zealand by occupation]] gbgdp57c1cpmdp5totr6q0ouj61obw2 14 293416 3778686 2025-07-14T13:50:38Z UDScott 4304 Created page with "[[Category:Comedians by country|Uganda]] [[Category:People from Uganda by occupation]]" 3778686 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Comedians by country|Uganda]] [[Category:People from Uganda by occupation]] cosp8agtit0kx65tc36g2foljcjk7zy 14 293417 3778690 2025-07-14T13:51:44Z UDScott 4304 Created page with "[[Category:Comedians by country|Sweden]] [[Category:People from Sweden by occupation]]" 3778690 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Comedians by country|Sweden]] [[Category:People from Sweden by occupation]] 3y7qz1xzfwgjnffcrcniahdr7fv5qc5 14 293418 3778693 2025-07-14T13:53:13Z UDScott 4304 Created page with "[[Category:Comedians by country|South Africa]] [[Category:People from South Africa by occupation]]" 3778693 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Comedians by country|South Africa]] [[Category:People from South Africa by occupation]] hfdwlc7get8lxkthlu0lq018ityop5j 14 293419 3778697 2025-07-14T13:54:19Z UDScott 4304 Created page with "[[Category:Comedians by country|Ghana]] [[Category:People from Ghana by occupation]]" 3778697 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Comedians by country|Ghana]] [[Category:People from Ghana by occupation]] 5n55jq2p60zh3wytvs2r47t75q7qn7x 14 293420 3778714 2025-07-14T14:03:39Z UDScott 4304 Created page with "[[Category:Comedians by country|Hungary]] [[Category:People from Hungary by occupation]]" 3778714 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Comedians by country|Hungary]] [[Category:People from Hungary by occupation]] k7v3rw45o24et0ex7d6eaxjaqs4ze10 14 293421 3778730 2025-07-14T14:12:02Z UDScott 4304 Created page with "[[Category:Comedians by country|Mexico]] [[Category:People from Mexico by occupation]]" 3778730 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Comedians by country|Mexico]] [[Category:People from Mexico by occupation]] 29u3gka53w2cl5anirfh3g97u3tghov 0 293422 3778773 2025-07-14T18:11:37Z KVK2005 38887 Created page with "'''''The Seven Brides of Lance-Corporal Zbruyev''''' (Russian: ''Семь невест ефрейтора Збруева'') is a 1970 Soviet comedy film directed by Vitaliy Melnikov. While serving in the military as a conscript, Yefreytor (Lance-Corporal) Kostya (Konstantin) Zbruev excels at shooting, which lands him on the cover page of the ''Skillful Warrior'' magazine. Girls from all over the Soviet Union start writing letters to him. Zbruev chose seven most promisin..." 3778773 wikitext text/x-wiki '''''The Seven Brides of Lance-Corporal Zbruyev''''' (Russian: ''Семь невест ефрейтора Збруева'') is a 1970 Soviet comedy film directed by Vitaliy Melnikov. While serving in the military as a conscript, Yefreytor (Lance-Corporal) Kostya (Konstantin) Zbruev excels at shooting, which lands him on the cover page of the ''Skillful Warrior'' magazine. Girls from all over the Soviet Union start writing letters to him. Zbruev chose seven most promising letters, and, once demobilized, went in search of his future wife. == Dialogues == * '''Saleswoman in the train.''' Newspapers, magazines, cigarettes, Cuban cigars 40 kopecks each. : '''Zbruyev.''' Just a moment, miss. : '''Saleswoman.''' Yes? : '''Zbruyev.''' Do you have a copy of the ''Skillful Warrior'' magazine from June last year? : '''Saleswoman.''' No, we don't keep old stuff. : '''Zbruyev.''' In vain. A cigar! ''[gives 50 kopecks coin]'' Keep the change! : '''Saleswoman.''' Demobilized? Here's a dime, it'll come in handy. : '''Zbruyev.''' What are you hinting at? :: — Газеты, журналы, папиросы, кубинские сигары сорок копеек штука. :: — Одну минуту, девушка. :: — Да? :: — А журнала «Умелый воин» за июнь прошлого года у вас нет? :: — Нет, старье не держим. :: — Зря. Сигару! Сдачи не надо! :: — Демобилизованный? Держи гривенник, пригодится. :: — На что это вы намекаете? <hr width="50%"/> * ''[the drunkard points the gun at Zbruev. Zbruev instantly knocks him down and disarms him]'' : '''Drunkard.''' Are you mad or something?! I'm offering you a lighter. Buy it, I'm in a desperate situation. : '''Zbruyev.''' How much? : '''Drunkard.''' Four rubles. Well, you have a discount, as a soldier. Three and sixty-two. ''[3.62 was a half-liter ordynary vodka bottle price]'' :: — Да ты что, сдурел, что ли? Я тебе зажигалку предлагаю. Купи, безвыходное положение. :: — А сколько стоит? :: — Четыре рубля. Ну с тебя, как с солдата, скидка. Три шестьдесят две. <hr width="50%"/> * '''Drozdova.''' Excuse me, please. Could you install a shower in my bathroom? : '''Zbruyev.''' Of course! It's a pleasure! Any time! : '''Drozdova.''' Oh, how nice. You know, I was in Buenos Aires, and the plumber came without me. : '''Zbruyev.''' Yes, it's difficult time in Latin America now. For instance, they overthrew President [[:w:Fernando Belaúnde|Belaunde Terry]]. And rightly so. Please hold it perpendicularly. He promised to nationalize the Petroleum Company. And he didn't. :: — Извините, пожалуйста. А вы бы не могли мне в ванной душ поставить? :: — Конечно! с удовольствием! Пожалуйста! :: — Ой, как хорошо. А то, вы знаете, я в Буэнос-Айресе была, а водопроводчик без меня приходил. :: — Да, в Латинской Америке сейчас сложно. Вот свергли президента Белаунде Терри. И правильно. Подержите, пожалуйста, перпендикулярно. Обещал национализировать «Петролеум компани». И не сделал. == Cast == * Semyon Morozov as Konstantin Zbruev * [[Natalya Chetverikova]] as Nadezhda (bride #2) * [[Marianna Vertinskaya]] as Tatiyana Drozdova (bride #3) * [[Elena Solovey]] as Rimma (bride #4) * [[Natalya Varley]] as Galina (bride #5) * [[Tatyana Fyodorova]] as Valentina Olenyova (bride #6) * [[Irina Kuberskaya]] as train stewardess * [[Elizaveta Alekseeva]] as female foreigner * [[Valentina Pugachyova]] as train saleswoman [[Category:1970 films]] [[Category:Foreign language films]] [[Category:Soviet films]] [[Category:Comedy films]] qb2n4gq8qyfco9e2tly31bmno5fmxur 3778775 3778773 2025-07-14T18:13:00Z UDScott 4304 3778775 wikitext text/x-wiki {{film-cleanup}} '''''The Seven Brides of Lance-Corporal Zbruyev''''' (Russian: ''Семь невест ефрейтора Збруева'') is a 1970 Soviet comedy film directed by Vitaliy Melnikov. While serving in the military as a conscript, Yefreytor (Lance-Corporal) Kostya (Konstantin) Zbruev excels at shooting, which lands him on the cover page of the ''Skillful Warrior'' magazine. Girls from all over the Soviet Union start writing letters to him. Zbruev chose seven most promising letters, and, once demobilized, went in search of his future wife. == Dialogues == * '''Saleswoman in the train.''' Newspapers, magazines, cigarettes, Cuban cigars 40 kopecks each. : '''Zbruyev.''' Just a moment, miss. : '''Saleswoman.''' Yes? : '''Zbruyev.''' Do you have a copy of the ''Skillful Warrior'' magazine from June last year? : '''Saleswoman.''' No, we don't keep old stuff. : '''Zbruyev.''' In vain. A cigar! ''[gives 50 kopecks coin]'' Keep the change! : '''Saleswoman.''' Demobilized? Here's a dime, it'll come in handy. : '''Zbruyev.''' What are you hinting at? :: — Газеты, журналы, папиросы, кубинские сигары сорок копеек штука. :: — Одну минуту, девушка. :: — Да? :: — А журнала «Умелый воин» за июнь прошлого года у вас нет? :: — Нет, старье не держим. :: — Зря. Сигару! Сдачи не надо! :: — Демобилизованный? Держи гривенник, пригодится. :: — На что это вы намекаете? <hr width="50%"/> * ''[the drunkard points the gun at Zbruev. Zbruev instantly knocks him down and disarms him]'' : '''Drunkard.''' Are you mad or something?! I'm offering you a lighter. Buy it, I'm in a desperate situation. : '''Zbruyev.''' How much? : '''Drunkard.''' Four rubles. Well, you have a discount, as a soldier. Three and sixty-two. ''[3.62 was a half-liter ordynary vodka bottle price]'' :: — Да ты что, сдурел, что ли? Я тебе зажигалку предлагаю. Купи, безвыходное положение. :: — А сколько стоит? :: — Четыре рубля. Ну с тебя, как с солдата, скидка. Три шестьдесят две. <hr width="50%"/> * '''Drozdova.''' Excuse me, please. Could you install a shower in my bathroom? : '''Zbruyev.''' Of course! It's a pleasure! Any time! : '''Drozdova.''' Oh, how nice. You know, I was in Buenos Aires, and the plumber came without me. : '''Zbruyev.''' Yes, it's difficult time in Latin America now. For instance, they overthrew President [[:w:Fernando Belaúnde|Belaunde Terry]]. And rightly so. Please hold it perpendicularly. He promised to nationalize the Petroleum Company. And he didn't. :: — Извините, пожалуйста. А вы бы не могли мне в ванной душ поставить? :: — Конечно! с удовольствием! Пожалуйста! :: — Ой, как хорошо. А то, вы знаете, я в Буэнос-Айресе была, а водопроводчик без меня приходил. :: — Да, в Латинской Америке сейчас сложно. Вот свергли президента Белаунде Терри. И правильно. Подержите, пожалуйста, перпендикулярно. Обещал национализировать «Петролеум компани». И не сделал. == Cast == * Semyon Morozov as Konstantin Zbruev * [[Natalya Chetverikova]] as Nadezhda (bride #2) * [[Marianna Vertinskaya]] as Tatiyana Drozdova (bride #3) * [[Elena Solovey]] as Rimma (bride #4) * [[Natalya Varley]] as Galina (bride #5) * [[Tatyana Fyodorova]] as Valentina Olenyova (bride #6) * [[Irina Kuberskaya]] as train stewardess * [[Elizaveta Alekseeva]] as female foreigner * [[Valentina Pugachyova]] as train saleswoman [[Category:1970 films]] [[Category:Foreign language films]] [[Category:Soviet films]] [[Category:Comedy films]] sxhuy54uxejxjxpsdupor3475cetmz8 3778789 3778775 2025-07-14T18:25:18Z KVK2005 38887 /* Dialogues */ 3778789 wikitext text/x-wiki {{film-cleanup}} '''''The Seven Brides of Lance-Corporal Zbruyev''''' (Russian: ''Семь невест ефрейтора Збруева'') is a 1970 Soviet comedy film directed by Vitaliy Melnikov. While serving in the military as a conscript, Yefreytor (Lance-Corporal) Kostya (Konstantin) Zbruev excels at shooting, which lands him on the cover page of the ''Skillful Warrior'' magazine. Girls from all over the Soviet Union start writing letters to him. Zbruev chose seven most promising letters, and, once demobilized, went in search of his future wife. == Dialogues == * '''Saleswoman in the train.''' Newspapers, magazines, cigarettes, Cuban cigars 40 kopecks each. : '''Zbruyev.''' Just a moment, miss. : '''Saleswoman.''' Yes? : '''Zbruyev.''' Do you have a copy of the ''Skillful Warrior'' magazine from June last year? : '''Saleswoman.''' No, we don't keep old stuff. : '''Zbruyev.''' In vain. A cigar! ''[gives 50 kopecks coin]'' Keep the change! : '''Saleswoman.''' Demobilized? Here's a dime, it'll come in handy. : '''Zbruyev.''' What are you hinting at? :: — Газеты, журналы, папиросы, кубинские сигары сорок копеек штука. :: — Одну минуту, девушка. :: — Да? :: — А журнала «Умелый воин» за июнь прошлого года у вас нет? :: — Нет, старье не держим. :: — Зря. Сигару! Сдачи не надо! :: — Демобилизованный? Держи гривенник, пригодится. :: — На что это вы намекаете? <hr width="50%"/> * ''[the drunkard points the gun at Zbruev. Zbruev instantly knocks him down and disarms him]'' : '''Drunkard.''' Are you mad or something?! I'm offering you a lighter. Buy it, I'm in a desperate situation. : '''Zbruyev.''' How much? : '''Drunkard.''' Four rubles. Well, you have a discount, as a soldier. Three and sixty-two. ''[3.62 was a half-liter ordynary vodka bottle price]'' :: — Да ты что, сдурел, что ли? Я тебе зажигалку предлагаю. Купи, безвыходное положение. :: — А сколько стоит? :: — Четыре рубля. Ну с тебя, как с солдата, скидка. Три шестьдесят две. <hr width="50%"/> * '''Drozdova.''' Excuse me, please. Could you install a shower in my bathroom? : '''Zbruyev.''' Of course! It's a pleasure! Any time! : '''Drozdova.''' Oh, how nice. You know, I was in Buenos Aires, and the plumber came without me. : '''Zbruyev.''' Yes, it's difficult time in Latin America now. For instance, they overthrew President [[:w:Fernando Belaúnde|Belaunde Terry]]. And rightly so. Please hold it perpendicularly. He promised to nationalize the Petroleum Company. And he didn't. :: — Извините, пожалуйста. А вы бы не могли мне в ванной душ поставить? :: — Конечно! с удовольствием! Пожалуйста! :: — Ой, как хорошо. А то, вы знаете, я в Буэнос-Айресе была, а водопроводчик без меня приходил. :: — Да, в Латинской Америке сейчас сложно. Вот свергли президента Белаунде Терри. И правильно. Подержите, пожалуйста, перпендикулярно. Обещал национализировать «Петролеум компани». И не сделал. <hr width="50%"/> * '''Priest.''' ''[reads the magazine in suburban train]'' Yes, it's a pity. : '''Zbruyev.''' Who? : '''Priest.''' Well, they write that a woman's heart was transplanted into a man. : '''Zbruyev.''' So what? : '''Priest.''' He lived for three days and died. : '''Zbruyev.''' I see. : '''Priest.''' And yet I believe in success. If not today, then tomorrow. Science moves forward! Here's a computer, it solves the most delicate issues. I was recently in Romania. So, they take the data of the grooms, the brides... they feed the data into the machine, and if the punch cards match... you welcome to the wedding palace. : '''Zbruyev.''' And what about love? : '''Priest.''' Well, sometimes circumstances are pressing. No time for that. For example, a diplomat need a wife. A clergyman too. : '''Zbruyev.''' Are you a diplomat? : '''Priest.''' No, I am a clergyman. :: — Да, жаль. :: — Кого? :: — Да вот пишут, что человеку пересадили женское сердце. :: — Ну и что? :: — Три дня прожил, скончался. :: — Понятно. :: — И все таки я верю в успех. Не сегодня, так завтра. Наука идет вперед! Вот компьютер — деликатнейшие вопросы решает. Вот был я недавно в Румынии. Так как, берут данные женихов, невест… закладывают данные в машину, и если перфокарты сходятся… пожалуйста, во дворец бракосочетания. :: — А как же любовь? :: — Ну, бывает, обстоятельства поджимают. Не до того. Дипломату, скажем, без жены нельзя. Священнослужителю тоже. :: — А вы дипломат? :: — Нет, я священнослужитель. == Cast == * Semyon Morozov as Konstantin Zbruev * [[Natalya Chetverikova]] as Nadezhda (bride #2) * [[Marianna Vertinskaya]] as Tatiyana Drozdova (bride #3) * [[Elena Solovey]] as Rimma (bride #4) * [[Natalya Varley]] as Galina (bride #5) * [[Tatyana Fyodorova]] as Valentina Olenyova (bride #6) * [[Irina Kuberskaya]] as train stewardess * [[Elizaveta Alekseeva]] as female foreigner * [[Valentina Pugachyova]] as train saleswoman [[Category:1970 films]] [[Category:Foreign language films]] [[Category:Soviet films]] [[Category:Comedy films]] tpbqlspnny5d88xx32i1m1j5imw3vw1 0 293423 3778803 2025-07-14T19:10:40Z A23423413 3125316 new #shesaid, planning to add more soon 3778803 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Olive Senior|Olive Marjorie Senior]]''' (born 23 December 1941) is a writer who was born and raised in [[Jamaica]] and since the 1990s has been based in [[Toronto]], [[Canada]]. {{people-stub}} == Quotes == ===''Discerner of Hearts, and other stories'' (1995)=== *She let herself out by the back door and carefully shut it behind her, and ran through the short cut that led to the main road, hoping that no one would see. (beginning of "Discerner of Hearts") *...Swimming? In the Ba'ma grass? Who ever heard of such a thing and a big man at that? (beginning of "Swimming in the Ba'ma Grass") ===from interviews/conversations=== *I am not a scrupulous plotter of fiction or poetry – I write intuitively, thinking for a long time about my subject and also allowing my unconscious to work on it until the day comes when it seems ready to be written. ([https://new-asian-writing.com/naw-interview-with-olive-senior/ 2014]) *(Q: advice for struggling writers?) OS: Keep at it. Writing is a craft like any other and you get better with practice. Have faith in yourself but dampen unrealistic expectations. Remember that words are your raw material – love them, acquire them, use then, lose them when necessary. Read widely. Question what you are reading. What works? What doesn’t? How does the author achieve certain effects? This is a good way to learn. ([https://new-asian-writing.com/naw-interview-with-olive-senior/ 2014]) *I was always going to be an artist or a writer, because I was talented in those areas, but also, I now think, because they held out the seductive whiff of freedom. I was always in silent rebellion against the conformity and authoritarianism of the world I was born in. ([https://www.caribbean-beat.com/issue-80/olive-senior-speaking-back-home format 2006]) ====with Kwame Dawes (2000)==== published in ''Talk Yuh Talk: Interviews with Anglophone Caribbean Poets '' * Somebody, I forget who it was, said that I was like a literary archeologist, which pleased me because that is how I look at it myself. *OS: There is a certain imperative about what I write and how I write, and I'm going to follow that imperative regardless. (KD: And that imperative is prompted by...) OS: the desire to explain. It's the why, the who and the why. I am driven by those issues. *I suppose the main thing about me is that I don't feel or see any disjunction between life and land or between living and landscape; I don't make those separations at all. I imagine that I'm like that because I grew up in deep rural Jamaica and I was conscious from earliest childhood about the power of plants. *I also think that one of the things that has shaped my sensibilities as a writer is the intense beauty of the country in which I grew up. I have internalized this landscape; the mountains, in particular, the valleys... Those are the profound elements that have shaped me: the fact that we lived with trees as a part of the social fabric of our lives-with plants-and the fact that we lived in this intensely beautiful landscape. Not lost on me as a child was the fact that it masked a lot of hardship and pain and so on. * I haven't done research for any specific poem, but my writing is not separate from my life; and I have spent my entire life doing research (if you want to put it that way) in order to answer all the fundamental questions we ask about ourselves in the first place, starting with the existential questions like "who am I?" But that, of course, inevitably leads into "who are we?" And that, in turn, leads into "where are we coming from?" And it seems to me that this is my engagement, which is an engagement with history-both a personal and an ancestral history, but also with a wider notion of history: the history of the Caribbean, and indeed of the so-called New World. *I am very conscious as a writer of removing myself and my personal concerns from what is going on in the text. I try to become these people that I am writing about; I assume various personas. The other question is whether or not I see myself a griot. I see myself as making things possible for my characters, like setting the stage and giving these unknown people from history the chance to speak to the other world. But I, personally, do not assume any roles for myself; that is not what I want to be. I want to be the archeologist, to dig and to bring up these things and say to the world, "Here they are." And let people draw whatever conclusion they want from it. But I don't see myself taking an activist role or playing or assuming a role that is mystical or ordained or anything like that. * I think that there are three major influences on my work. One is that I had what would have been called a classical English education, which it was at the time I went to school. So, of course, I grew up on this diet of [[Wordsworth]] and [[Keats]] and [[Shelley]] and, you know, the great English classics. So I think that has influenced my work. I also grew up on the bible, and I regard the oral tradition as having played a very important part in shaping my work. And when I talk about the oral tradition I'm talking about not just the content but the rhythms, because a lot of our games in school, for instance, were based on rhythm and physical dexterity-you know, clapping and all this kind of thing. Everything was performed to rhythm: the floor was cleaned to rhythm, the clothes were washed to rhythm - you just couldn't escape this. Therefore, I feel that all of these things are coming together in my writing, because I am very conscious of rhythm in my prose as well. I think I have a good ear. It's all there in my head, all these sounds. And of course, I've read, and read, and read, and read, all my life. == Quotes about == == External links== {{Wikipedia}} *[https://poetryarchive.org/poet/olive-senior/ The Poetry Archive page] *[https://www.poetryinternational.com/en/poets-poems/poets/poet/102-455_Senior Poetry International page] {{DEFAULTSORT:Senior, Olive}} [[Category:1941 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Poets laureate]] rdf895v90bnxjsprv2179h0890l7kne 3778824 3778803 2025-07-14T19:55:48Z UDScott 4304 3778824 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Olive Senior|Olive Marjorie Senior]]''' (born 23 December 1941) is a writer who was born and raised in [[Jamaica]] and since the 1990s has been based in [[Toronto]], [[Canada]]. == Quotes == ===''Discerner of Hearts, and other stories'' (1995)=== *She let herself out by the back door and carefully shut it behind her, and ran through the short cut that led to the main road, hoping that no one would see. (beginning of "Discerner of Hearts") *...Swimming? In the Ba'ma grass? Who ever heard of such a thing and a big man at that? (beginning of "Swimming in the Ba'ma Grass") ===from interviews/conversations=== *I am not a scrupulous plotter of fiction or poetry – I write intuitively, thinking for a long time about my subject and also allowing my unconscious to work on it until the day comes when it seems ready to be written. ([https://new-asian-writing.com/naw-interview-with-olive-senior/ 2014]) *(Q: advice for struggling writers?) OS: Keep at it. Writing is a craft like any other and you get better with practice. Have faith in yourself but dampen unrealistic expectations. Remember that words are your raw material – love them, acquire them, use then, lose them when necessary. Read widely. Question what you are reading. What works? What doesn’t? How does the author achieve certain effects? This is a good way to learn. ([https://new-asian-writing.com/naw-interview-with-olive-senior/ 2014]) *I was always going to be an artist or a writer, because I was talented in those areas, but also, I now think, because they held out the seductive whiff of freedom. I was always in silent rebellion against the conformity and authoritarianism of the world I was born in. ([https://www.caribbean-beat.com/issue-80/olive-senior-speaking-back-home format 2006]) ====with Kwame Dawes (2000)==== published in ''Talk Yuh Talk: Interviews with Anglophone Caribbean Poets '' * Somebody, I forget who it was, said that I was like a literary archeologist, which pleased me because that is how I look at it myself. *OS: There is a certain imperative about what I write and how I write, and I'm going to follow that imperative regardless. (KD: And that imperative is prompted by...) OS: the desire to explain. It's the why, the who and the why. I am driven by those issues. *I suppose the main thing about me is that I don't feel or see any disjunction between life and land or between living and landscape; I don't make those separations at all. I imagine that I'm like that because I grew up in deep rural Jamaica and I was conscious from earliest childhood about the power of plants. *I also think that one of the things that has shaped my sensibilities as a writer is the intense beauty of the country in which I grew up. I have internalized this landscape; the mountains, in particular, the valleys... Those are the profound elements that have shaped me: the fact that we lived with trees as a part of the social fabric of our lives-with plants-and the fact that we lived in this intensely beautiful landscape. Not lost on me as a child was the fact that it masked a lot of hardship and pain and so on. * I haven't done research for any specific poem, but my writing is not separate from my life; and I have spent my entire life doing research (if you want to put it that way) in order to answer all the fundamental questions we ask about ourselves in the first place, starting with the existential questions like "who am I?" But that, of course, inevitably leads into "who are we?" And that, in turn, leads into "where are we coming from?" And it seems to me that this is my engagement, which is an engagement with history-both a personal and an ancestral history, but also with a wider notion of history: the history of the Caribbean, and indeed of the so-called New World. *I am very conscious as a writer of removing myself and my personal concerns from what is going on in the text. I try to become these people that I am writing about; I assume various personas. The other question is whether or not I see myself a griot. I see myself as making things possible for my characters, like setting the stage and giving these unknown people from history the chance to speak to the other world. But I, personally, do not assume any roles for myself; that is not what I want to be. I want to be the archeologist, to dig and to bring up these things and say to the world, "Here they are." And let people draw whatever conclusion they want from it. But I don't see myself taking an activist role or playing or assuming a role that is mystical or ordained or anything like that. * I think that there are three major influences on my work. One is that I had what would have been called a classical English education, which it was at the time I went to school. So, of course, I grew up on this diet of [[Wordsworth]] and [[Keats]] and [[Shelley]] and, you know, the great English classics. So I think that has influenced my work. I also grew up on the bible, and I regard the oral tradition as having played a very important part in shaping my work. And when I talk about the oral tradition I'm talking about not just the content but the rhythms, because a lot of our games in school, for instance, were based on rhythm and physical dexterity-you know, clapping and all this kind of thing. Everything was performed to rhythm: the floor was cleaned to rhythm, the clothes were washed to rhythm - you just couldn't escape this. Therefore, I feel that all of these things are coming together in my writing, because I am very conscious of rhythm in my prose as well. I think I have a good ear. It's all there in my head, all these sounds. And of course, I've read, and read, and read, and read, all my life. == External links== {{Wikipedia}} *[https://poetryarchive.org/poet/olive-senior/ The Poetry Archive page] *[https://www.poetryinternational.com/en/poets-poems/poets/poet/102-455_Senior Poetry International page] {{DEFAULTSORT:Senior, Olive}} [[Category:1941 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Poets laureate]] tbp568lppyya6938qppw59bfydgmude 3778826 3778824 2025-07-14T19:56:55Z UDScott 4304 +[[Category:Poets from Jamaica]]; +[[Category:Short story writers from Jamaica]]; +[[Category:Women from Jamaica]]; +[[Category:Women authors]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778826 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Olive Senior|Olive Marjorie Senior]]''' (born 23 December 1941) is a writer who was born and raised in [[Jamaica]] and since the 1990s has been based in [[Toronto]], [[Canada]]. == Quotes == ===''Discerner of Hearts, and other stories'' (1995)=== *She let herself out by the back door and carefully shut it behind her, and ran through the short cut that led to the main road, hoping that no one would see. (beginning of "Discerner of Hearts") *...Swimming? In the Ba'ma grass? Who ever heard of such a thing and a big man at that? (beginning of "Swimming in the Ba'ma Grass") ===from interviews/conversations=== *I am not a scrupulous plotter of fiction or poetry – I write intuitively, thinking for a long time about my subject and also allowing my unconscious to work on it until the day comes when it seems ready to be written. ([https://new-asian-writing.com/naw-interview-with-olive-senior/ 2014]) *(Q: advice for struggling writers?) OS: Keep at it. Writing is a craft like any other and you get better with practice. Have faith in yourself but dampen unrealistic expectations. Remember that words are your raw material – love them, acquire them, use then, lose them when necessary. Read widely. Question what you are reading. What works? What doesn’t? How does the author achieve certain effects? This is a good way to learn. ([https://new-asian-writing.com/naw-interview-with-olive-senior/ 2014]) *I was always going to be an artist or a writer, because I was talented in those areas, but also, I now think, because they held out the seductive whiff of freedom. I was always in silent rebellion against the conformity and authoritarianism of the world I was born in. ([https://www.caribbean-beat.com/issue-80/olive-senior-speaking-back-home format 2006]) ====with Kwame Dawes (2000)==== published in ''Talk Yuh Talk: Interviews with Anglophone Caribbean Poets '' * Somebody, I forget who it was, said that I was like a literary archeologist, which pleased me because that is how I look at it myself. *OS: There is a certain imperative about what I write and how I write, and I'm going to follow that imperative regardless. (KD: And that imperative is prompted by...) OS: the desire to explain. It's the why, the who and the why. I am driven by those issues. *I suppose the main thing about me is that I don't feel or see any disjunction between life and land or between living and landscape; I don't make those separations at all. I imagine that I'm like that because I grew up in deep rural Jamaica and I was conscious from earliest childhood about the power of plants. *I also think that one of the things that has shaped my sensibilities as a writer is the intense beauty of the country in which I grew up. I have internalized this landscape; the mountains, in particular, the valleys... Those are the profound elements that have shaped me: the fact that we lived with trees as a part of the social fabric of our lives-with plants-and the fact that we lived in this intensely beautiful landscape. Not lost on me as a child was the fact that it masked a lot of hardship and pain and so on. * I haven't done research for any specific poem, but my writing is not separate from my life; and I have spent my entire life doing research (if you want to put it that way) in order to answer all the fundamental questions we ask about ourselves in the first place, starting with the existential questions like "who am I?" But that, of course, inevitably leads into "who are we?" And that, in turn, leads into "where are we coming from?" And it seems to me that this is my engagement, which is an engagement with history-both a personal and an ancestral history, but also with a wider notion of history: the history of the Caribbean, and indeed of the so-called New World. *I am very conscious as a writer of removing myself and my personal concerns from what is going on in the text. I try to become these people that I am writing about; I assume various personas. The other question is whether or not I see myself a griot. I see myself as making things possible for my characters, like setting the stage and giving these unknown people from history the chance to speak to the other world. But I, personally, do not assume any roles for myself; that is not what I want to be. I want to be the archeologist, to dig and to bring up these things and say to the world, "Here they are." And let people draw whatever conclusion they want from it. But I don't see myself taking an activist role or playing or assuming a role that is mystical or ordained or anything like that. * I think that there are three major influences on my work. One is that I had what would have been called a classical English education, which it was at the time I went to school. So, of course, I grew up on this diet of [[Wordsworth]] and [[Keats]] and [[Shelley]] and, you know, the great English classics. So I think that has influenced my work. I also grew up on the bible, and I regard the oral tradition as having played a very important part in shaping my work. And when I talk about the oral tradition I'm talking about not just the content but the rhythms, because a lot of our games in school, for instance, were based on rhythm and physical dexterity-you know, clapping and all this kind of thing. Everything was performed to rhythm: the floor was cleaned to rhythm, the clothes were washed to rhythm - you just couldn't escape this. Therefore, I feel that all of these things are coming together in my writing, because I am very conscious of rhythm in my prose as well. I think I have a good ear. It's all there in my head, all these sounds. And of course, I've read, and read, and read, and read, all my life. == External links== {{Wikipedia}} *[https://poetryarchive.org/poet/olive-senior/ The Poetry Archive page] *[https://www.poetryinternational.com/en/poets-poems/poets/poet/102-455_Senior Poetry International page] {{DEFAULTSORT:Senior, Olive}} [[Category:1941 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Poets laureate]] [[Category:Poets from Jamaica]] [[Category:Short story writers from Jamaica]] [[Category:Women from Jamaica]] [[Category:Women authors]] drfx8ruityxpt9iljsaleew31tnuhiq 0 293424 3778804 2025-07-14T19:10:51Z Gilldragon 2514030 Created page with "'''[[w:Michael Anthony Fleming|]]''' (1792 – 14 July 1850) was an Irish prelate of the Catholic Church. == Quotes about Michael Anthony Fleming == *There was no law in the statutes of the country penalizing the exercise of the Catholic Religion, but the penal laws of Ireland were supposed to be applicable to Newfoundland. However, the principle would not work both ways, and when Catholic Emancipation was granted to Ireland these same interpreters of the law held that..." 3778804 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Michael Anthony Fleming|Michael Anthony Fleming]]''' (1792 – 14 July 1850) was an Irish prelate of the Catholic Church. == Quotes about Michael Anthony Fleming == *There was no law in the statutes of the country penalizing the exercise of the Catholic Religion, but the penal laws of Ireland were supposed to be applicable to Newfoundland. However, the principle would not work both ways, and when Catholic Emancipation was granted to Ireland these same interpreters of the law held that the privileges of Emancipation did not apply to Newfoundland. During the whole course of his episcopate Bishop Fleming fought against, these injustices and finally succeeded in obtaining full freedom for the Catholics. **[[w:Michael Francis Howley|Michael Francis Howley]], [[s:Catholic Encyclopedia (1913)/Newfoundland|Newfoundland (1913) ''Catholic Encyclopedia'']] == External links == {{Wikipedia}} {{commonscat}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Fleming, Michael Anthony}} [[Category:1792 births]] [[Category:Catholics from Ireland]] [[Category:Franciscans]] [[Category:Roman Catholic bishops]] [[Category:1850 deaths]] fuuh4d02f8ckrv0forowlqzdlhekgsu 3778811 3778804 2025-07-14T19:19:40Z Gilldragon 2514030 3778811 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Michael Anthony Fleming|Michael Anthony Fleming]]''' (1792 – 14 July 1850) was an Irish prelate of the Catholic Church who served as the bishop of the [[w:Roman Catholic Archdiocese of St. John's, Newfoundland|Diocese of Newfoundland]]. == Quotes == * Our Holy Mother the Church here reminds the Just that it is only by a perseverance in the pathways of religion, and by partaking of the refreshing fountains of the sacraments, that they can hope to attain to that crown of immortality to which they aspire—:To the avaricious she exhibits treasures, surpassing all the riches of the Nations of the earth—: To the sensual she displays pleasures beyond the power of human imagination to conceive — To the describe she exposes the deformity of bis degrading passions, and points to a love more pure than earthly hopes could promise. ** [https://archive.org/details/cihm_21621/page/n14 Michael Anthony, by the divine mercy and the grace of the Holy See (24 December 1837)] == Quotes about Michael Anthony Fleming == *There was no law in the statutes of the country penalizing the exercise of the Catholic Religion, but the penal laws of Ireland were supposed to be applicable to Newfoundland. However, the principle would not work both ways, and when Catholic Emancipation was granted to Ireland these same interpreters of the law held that the privileges of Emancipation did not apply to Newfoundland. During the whole course of his episcopate Bishop Fleming fought against, these injustices and finally succeeded in obtaining full freedom for the Catholics. **[[w:Michael Francis Howley|Michael Francis Howley]], [[s:Catholic Encyclopedia (1913)/Newfoundland|Newfoundland (1913) ''Catholic Encyclopedia'']] == External links == {{Wikipedia}} {{commonscat}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Fleming, Michael Anthony}} [[Category:1792 births]] [[Category:Catholics from Ireland]] [[Category:Franciscans]] [[Category:Roman Catholic bishops]] [[Category:1850 deaths]] 7ssjloltcx70c89kryqv5qh90plhlto 0 293425 3778818 2025-07-14T19:45:43Z A23423413 3125316 new #shesaid, planning to add more soon 3778818 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Angie Cruz|Angie Cruz]]''' (born February 24, 1972 in New York City) is a novelist and associate professor. She currently teaches in the M.F.A. program at the University of Pittsburgh. {{people-stub}} (<--- use if only providing a few quotes to start) == Quotes == ===''How Not to Drown in a Glass of Water'' (2022)=== * My name is Cara Romero, and I came to this country because my husband wanted to kill me. Don't look so shocked. You're the one who asked me to say something about myself. (beginning of book) * I yelled. But who could hear me? How many people have died this way? (p15) ===''Dominicana'' (2019)=== * It's always like that: just when I think I don't give a shit about what my family thinks, they find a way to drag me back home. (beginning of book) ===from interviews/conversations=== *What are we teaching our daughters or sisters or cousins if we always pretend that we don’t need anybody? The truth is we all need somebody and I wanted to illustrate that too. Like, even if there is strength in doing certain kinds of things the celebration of resilience is also killing us. ([https://electricliterature.com/angie-cruz-novel-how-not-to-drown-in-a-glass-of-water/ 2022]) * I do think reading is an intimate conversation we can have with ourselves and each other. Even if we don’t explicitly say the horrors of our lives out loud, the characters in the books can bridge an understanding that we survived something or a knowing of something, between family members and our communities. ([https://therumpus.net/2020/10/26/the-rumpus-interview-with-angie-cruz/ 2020]) *Art is about pushing at the edges, and we’re privileged, however uncomfortable and challenging it may be, to have the opportunity to walk on a tight-rope between multiple lingual, cultural, national, social entities. ([https://bombmagazine.org/articles/2019/09/10/angie-cruz/ 2019]) *Everything is alive around you (in ''Callaloo'' Summer 2007) * I don't want to write the war in my next novel. I want to imagine peace...Maybe it's in code-switching that we can invent a language for peace. (in ''Callaloo'' Summer 2007) *I know that I should be free to write any which way I want-tone, story, etc.-because if not, we're lying to ourselves. (in ''Callaloo'' Summer 2007) *Thinking about it, sometimes I watch the news and say, "¿What kind of world do we live in? ¿Who are these people making these crazy decisions and why are we living in it? ¿And what can we do?" Fiction is one of those last places where the world is bound between these pages, and you can sit with it for a while and imagine humanity in a completely different way. Without all the gloss of image...It's a place to dream and it's a place to look at yourself through the characters; again, it's like the person you are connecting with, it's connecting with the issues that you have within yourself. (in ''Callaloo'' Summer 2007) == Quotes about == *She writes with confidence and compassion. She cleaves through the evasions and silences that obscure so much of what we call the immigrant experience. **[[Junot Diaz]], part of blurb for ''Dominicana'' *She writes with a rare combination of fierce passion and tender compassion for her unforgettable world. **[[Cristina García (novelist)]], part of blurb for ''Dominicana'' == External links== {{Wikipedia}} *[https://www.angiecruz.com/ author website] *[https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/34680.Angie_Cruz Goodreads page] {{DEFAULTSORT:Cruz, Angie}} [[Category:1972 births]] [[Category:Living people]] n0pgn255m2g6awrsszp761fel88odjz 3778819 3778818 2025-07-14T19:46:15Z A23423413 3125316 /* Quotes about */ 3778819 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Angie Cruz|Angie Cruz]]''' (born February 24, 1972 in New York City) is a novelist and associate professor. She currently teaches in the M.F.A. program at the University of Pittsburgh. {{people-stub}} (<--- use if only providing a few quotes to start) == Quotes == ===''How Not to Drown in a Glass of Water'' (2022)=== * My name is Cara Romero, and I came to this country because my husband wanted to kill me. Don't look so shocked. You're the one who asked me to say something about myself. (beginning of book) * I yelled. But who could hear me? How many people have died this way? (p15) ===''Dominicana'' (2019)=== * It's always like that: just when I think I don't give a shit about what my family thinks, they find a way to drag me back home. (beginning of book) ===from interviews/conversations=== *What are we teaching our daughters or sisters or cousins if we always pretend that we don’t need anybody? The truth is we all need somebody and I wanted to illustrate that too. Like, even if there is strength in doing certain kinds of things the celebration of resilience is also killing us. ([https://electricliterature.com/angie-cruz-novel-how-not-to-drown-in-a-glass-of-water/ 2022]) * I do think reading is an intimate conversation we can have with ourselves and each other. Even if we don’t explicitly say the horrors of our lives out loud, the characters in the books can bridge an understanding that we survived something or a knowing of something, between family members and our communities. ([https://therumpus.net/2020/10/26/the-rumpus-interview-with-angie-cruz/ 2020]) *Art is about pushing at the edges, and we’re privileged, however uncomfortable and challenging it may be, to have the opportunity to walk on a tight-rope between multiple lingual, cultural, national, social entities. ([https://bombmagazine.org/articles/2019/09/10/angie-cruz/ 2019]) *Everything is alive around you (in ''Callaloo'' Summer 2007) * I don't want to write the war in my next novel. I want to imagine peace...Maybe it's in code-switching that we can invent a language for peace. (in ''Callaloo'' Summer 2007) *I know that I should be free to write any which way I want-tone, story, etc.-because if not, we're lying to ourselves. (in ''Callaloo'' Summer 2007) *Thinking about it, sometimes I watch the news and say, "¿What kind of world do we live in? ¿Who are these people making these crazy decisions and why are we living in it? ¿And what can we do?" Fiction is one of those last places where the world is bound between these pages, and you can sit with it for a while and imagine humanity in a completely different way. Without all the gloss of image...It's a place to dream and it's a place to look at yourself through the characters; again, it's like the person you are connecting with, it's connecting with the issues that you have within yourself. (in ''Callaloo'' Summer 2007) == Quotes about == *She writes with confidence and compassion. She cleaves through the evasions and silences that obscure so much of what we call the immigrant experience. **[[Junot Díaz]], part of blurb for ''Dominicana'' *She writes with a rare combination of fierce passion and tender compassion for her unforgettable world. **[[Cristina García (novelist)]], part of blurb for ''Dominicana'' == External links== {{Wikipedia}} *[https://www.angiecruz.com/ author website] *[https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/34680.Angie_Cruz Goodreads page] {{DEFAULTSORT:Cruz, Angie}} [[Category:1972 births]] [[Category:Living people]] qlj44wj9ckzl72uhixu0sdt9usnqewa 3778820 3778819 2025-07-14T19:47:53Z A23423413 3125316 3778820 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Angie Cruz|Angie Cruz]]''' (born February 24, 1972 in New York City) is a novelist and associate professor. She currently teaches in the M.F.A. program at the University of Pittsburgh. {{people-stub}} == Quotes == ===''How Not to Drown in a Glass of Water'' (2022)=== * My name is Cara Romero, and I came to this country because my husband wanted to kill me. Don't look so shocked. You're the one who asked me to say something about myself. (beginning of book) * I yelled. But who could hear me? How many people have died this way? (p15) ===''Dominicana'' (2019)=== * It's always like that: just when I think I don't give a shit about what my family thinks, they find a way to drag me back home. (beginning of book) ===from interviews/conversations=== *What are we teaching our daughters or sisters or cousins if we always pretend that we don’t need anybody? The truth is we all need somebody and I wanted to illustrate that too. Like, even if there is strength in doing certain kinds of things the celebration of resilience is also killing us. ([https://electricliterature.com/angie-cruz-novel-how-not-to-drown-in-a-glass-of-water/ 2022]) * I do think reading is an intimate conversation we can have with ourselves and each other. Even if we don’t explicitly say the horrors of our lives out loud, the characters in the books can bridge an understanding that we survived something or a knowing of something, between family members and our communities. ([https://therumpus.net/2020/10/26/the-rumpus-interview-with-angie-cruz/ 2020]) *Art is about pushing at the edges, and we’re privileged, however uncomfortable and challenging it may be, to have the opportunity to walk on a tight-rope between multiple lingual, cultural, national, social entities. ([https://bombmagazine.org/articles/2019/09/10/angie-cruz/ 2019]) *Everything is alive around you (in ''Callaloo'' Summer 2007) * I don't want to write the war in my next novel. I want to imagine peace...Maybe it's in code-switching that we can invent a language for peace. (in ''Callaloo'' Summer 2007) *I know that I should be free to write any which way I want-tone, story, etc.-because if not, we're lying to ourselves. (in ''Callaloo'' Summer 2007) *Thinking about it, sometimes I watch the news and say, "¿What kind of world do we live in? ¿Who are these people making these crazy decisions and why are we living in it? ¿And what can we do?" Fiction is one of those last places where the world is bound between these pages, and you can sit with it for a while and imagine humanity in a completely different way. Without all the gloss of image...It's a place to dream and it's a place to look at yourself through the characters; again, it's like the person you are connecting with, it's connecting with the issues that you have within yourself. (in ''Callaloo'' Summer 2007) == Quotes about == *She writes with confidence and compassion. She cleaves through the evasions and silences that obscure so much of what we call the immigrant experience. **[[Junot Díaz]], part of blurb for ''Dominicana'' *She writes with a rare combination of fierce passion and tender compassion for her unforgettable world. **[[Cristina García (novelist)]], part of blurb for ''Dominicana'' == External links== {{Wikipedia}} *[https://www.angiecruz.com/ author website] *[https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/34680.Angie_Cruz Goodreads page] {{DEFAULTSORT:Cruz, Angie}} [[Category:1972 births]] [[Category:Living people]] pnvmf8v6xg8f6zq0sxh2aem35hfb5uy 3778833 3778820 2025-07-14T20:01:00Z UDScott 4304 + 6 categories using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778833 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Angie Cruz|Angie Cruz]]''' (born February 24, 1972 in New York City) is a novelist and associate professor. She currently teaches in the M.F.A. program at the University of Pittsburgh. {{people-stub}} == Quotes == ===''How Not to Drown in a Glass of Water'' (2022)=== * My name is Cara Romero, and I came to this country because my husband wanted to kill me. Don't look so shocked. You're the one who asked me to say something about myself. (beginning of book) * I yelled. But who could hear me? How many people have died this way? (p15) ===''Dominicana'' (2019)=== * It's always like that: just when I think I don't give a shit about what my family thinks, they find a way to drag me back home. (beginning of book) ===from interviews/conversations=== *What are we teaching our daughters or sisters or cousins if we always pretend that we don’t need anybody? The truth is we all need somebody and I wanted to illustrate that too. Like, even if there is strength in doing certain kinds of things the celebration of resilience is also killing us. ([https://electricliterature.com/angie-cruz-novel-how-not-to-drown-in-a-glass-of-water/ 2022]) * I do think reading is an intimate conversation we can have with ourselves and each other. Even if we don’t explicitly say the horrors of our lives out loud, the characters in the books can bridge an understanding that we survived something or a knowing of something, between family members and our communities. ([https://therumpus.net/2020/10/26/the-rumpus-interview-with-angie-cruz/ 2020]) *Art is about pushing at the edges, and we’re privileged, however uncomfortable and challenging it may be, to have the opportunity to walk on a tight-rope between multiple lingual, cultural, national, social entities. ([https://bombmagazine.org/articles/2019/09/10/angie-cruz/ 2019]) *Everything is alive around you (in ''Callaloo'' Summer 2007) * I don't want to write the war in my next novel. I want to imagine peace...Maybe it's in code-switching that we can invent a language for peace. (in ''Callaloo'' Summer 2007) *I know that I should be free to write any which way I want-tone, story, etc.-because if not, we're lying to ourselves. (in ''Callaloo'' Summer 2007) *Thinking about it, sometimes I watch the news and say, "¿What kind of world do we live in? ¿Who are these people making these crazy decisions and why are we living in it? ¿And what can we do?" Fiction is one of those last places where the world is bound between these pages, and you can sit with it for a while and imagine humanity in a completely different way. Without all the gloss of image...It's a place to dream and it's a place to look at yourself through the characters; again, it's like the person you are connecting with, it's connecting with the issues that you have within yourself. (in ''Callaloo'' Summer 2007) == Quotes about == *She writes with confidence and compassion. She cleaves through the evasions and silences that obscure so much of what we call the immigrant experience. **[[Junot Díaz]], part of blurb for ''Dominicana'' *She writes with a rare combination of fierce passion and tender compassion for her unforgettable world. **[[Cristina García (novelist)]], part of blurb for ''Dominicana'' == External links== {{Wikipedia}} *[https://www.angiecruz.com/ author website] *[https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/34680.Angie_Cruz Goodreads page] {{DEFAULTSORT:Cruz, Angie}} [[Category:1972 births]] [[Category:Living people]] [[Category:Novelists from the United States]] [[Category:Hispanic Americans]] [[Category:Women from the United States]] [[Category:Women authors]] [[Category:People from New York City]] [[Category:Women born in the 1970s]] tvphdhsoq0zgi2ynnr72cxct1tsoi27 14 293426 3778828 2025-07-14T19:57:22Z UDScott 4304 Created page with "[[Category:Short story writers by country|Jamaica]] [[Category:Authors from Jamaica]]" 3778828 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Short story writers by country|Jamaica]] [[Category:Authors from Jamaica]] r2b3t91lxti5rqmwdr8ye2c96f8catx 14 293427 3778829 2025-07-14T19:57:52Z UDScott 4304 Created page with "[[Category:Women by country|Jamaica]] [[Category:People from Jamaica]]" 3778829 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Women by country|Jamaica]] [[Category:People from Jamaica]] 87yb31xwvshgb07zy8b3ddlhccn4bnn 3778831 3778829 2025-07-14T19:57:58Z UDScott 4304 added [[Category:Caribbean women]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778831 wikitext text/x-wiki [[Category:Women by country|Jamaica]] [[Category:People from Jamaica]] [[Category:Caribbean women]] 7y1gs3dmv1dbng15uoqqsmn6a4cmz7k 0 293428 3778847 2025-07-14T20:22:30Z A23423413 3125316 new #shesaid 3778847 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:Name|Full Name]]''' María Luisa Bombal (Spanish pronunciation: [maˈɾi.a ˈlwisa βomˈβal]; Viña del Mar, Chile; 8 June 1910 – 6 May 1980) was a novelist and poet. {{people-stub}} == Quotes == ===''House of Mist'' (1947)=== English language readaptation of ''La última niebla'' (1934) *I wish to inform the reader that even though this is a mystery, it is a mystery without murder.<br>He will not find here any corpse, any detective; he will not even find a murder trial, for the simple reason that there will be no murderer.<br>There will be no murderer and no murder, yet there will be....crime.<br>And there will be fear.<br> Those for whom fear has an attraction; those who are interested in the mysterious life people live in their dreams during sleep; those who believe that the dead are not really dead; those who are afraid of the fog and of their own hearts... they will perhaps enjoy going back to the early days of this century and entering into the strange house of mist that a young woman, very much like all other women, built for herself at the southern end of South America. **Prologue *The story I am about to tell is the story of my life. It begins where other stories usually end; I mean, it begins with a wedding, a really strange wedding, my own. (beginning of chapter one) ===''The Shrouded Woman'' (1947 )=== English language readaptation of ''La amortajada'' (1938) *As night was beginning to fall, slowly her eyes opened. Oh, a little, just a little. It was as if, hidden behind her long lashes, she was trying to see.<br>And in the glow of the tall candles, those who were keeping watch leaned forward to observe the clarity and transparency in that narrow fringe of pupil death had failed to dim. With wonder and reverence, they leaned forward, unaware that she could see them.<br>For she was seeing, she was feeling. **beginning of chapter one ===''New Islands and other stories'' (1939)=== *Day by day, proud human beings that we are, we have a tendency to renounce our elemental roots, which accounts for the fact that women no longer appreciate their braids.<br>Being rationalists nowadays, women in cutting off their braids ignore that in effect they are severing their ties with those magic currents which issue from the very heart of the earth.<br>Because a woman's hair springs from the most profound and mysterious source, whence is born the first trembling seed of life-evolving therefrom to struggle and grow among many entangling forces, thrusting through the vegetal surface into the air and on upwards to the privileged forehead of its choice. **beginning of "Braids" *I am privy to much that is unknown.<br>Of sea and earth and sky I know an infinity of small and magic secrets.<br>This time, however, I will tell only about the sea. **beginning of "The Unknown" == Quotes about == *For the majority of readers, Latin American fantastic literature operates under the tutelage of the great masters: [[Jorge Luis Borges]], [[Adolfo Bioy Casares]], [[Julio Cortázar]] and [[Gabriel García Márquez]]. However, although few are acquainted with their works, many women began experimenting with this genre well before their male counterparts and were the true precursors of the form, though their names remained on the shelves of oblivion, without the recognition that they deserved. [[María Luisa Bombal]], for example, wrote the fantastic nouvelle, ''House of Mist'' (1937) before the famous ''Ficcione''s (1944) of Borges... **[[Marjorie Agosín]] "Reflections on the Fantastic" Translated from the Spanish by Celeste Kostopulos-Cooperman. In ''Secret Weavers: Stories of the Fantastic by Women Writers of Argentina and Chile'' (1992) *Today, in Santiago, Chile, or Buenos Aires, in Caracas or Lima, when they name the best names, María Luisa Bombal is never missing from the list. This fact is even more notable when one considers the brevity of her work-which does not correspond to any determined "school" and which fortunately is devoid of any regionalism. **[[Jorge Luis Borges]] in ''Las islas nuevas'' (1939) *Here’s a very short list of Latin women novelists I think should have been considered part of the Boom…[[Mexico]]: [[Elena Garro]], [[Rosario Castellanos]]. [[Costa Rica]]: [[Carmen Naranjo]]. [[Brazil]]: [[Clarice Lispector]]. [[Uruguay]]: [[Armonía Somers]]. [[Chile]]: [[María Luisa Bombal]]. [[Argentina]]: [[Silvina Ocampo]], [[Nora Lange]], [[Elvira Orphée]]... **[[Luisa Valenzuela]], [https://thecollidescope.com/2022/11/06/rich-cosmologies-an-interview-with-luisa-valenzuela/ Interview] (2022) == External links== {{Wikipedia}} *[https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/25537.Mar_a_Luisa_Bombal Goodreads page] {{DEFAULTSORT:Bombal, María Luisa}} [[Category:1910 births]] [[Category:1980 deaths]] rzowk2weg0eup91lhw60xc8ce3qt819 3778851 3778847 2025-07-14T20:33:57Z UDScott 4304 3778851 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:María Luisa Bombal|María Luisa Bombal Anthes]]''' (Spanish pronunciation: [maˈɾi.a ˈlwisa βomˈβal]; Viña del Mar, Chile; 8 June 1910 – 6 May 1980) was a Chilean novelist and poet. {{author-stub}} == Quotes == ===''House of Mist'' (1947)=== English language readaptation of ''La última niebla'' (1934) *I wish to inform the reader that even though this is a mystery, it is a mystery without murder.<br>He will not find here any corpse, any detective; he will not even find a murder trial, for the simple reason that there will be no murderer.<br>There will be no murderer and no murder, yet there will be....crime.<br>And there will be fear.<br> Those for whom fear has an attraction; those who are interested in the mysterious life people live in their dreams during sleep; those who believe that the dead are not really dead; those who are afraid of the fog and of their own hearts... they will perhaps enjoy going back to the early days of this century and entering into the strange house of mist that a young woman, very much like all other women, built for herself at the southern end of South America. **Prologue *The story I am about to tell is the story of my life. It begins where other stories usually end; I mean, it begins with a wedding, a really strange wedding, my own. (beginning of chapter one) ===''The Shrouded Woman'' (1947 )=== English language readaptation of ''La amortajada'' (1938) *As night was beginning to fall, slowly her eyes opened. Oh, a little, just a little. It was as if, hidden behind her long lashes, she was trying to see.<br>And in the glow of the tall candles, those who were keeping watch leaned forward to observe the clarity and transparency in that narrow fringe of pupil death had failed to dim. With wonder and reverence, they leaned forward, unaware that she could see them.<br>For she was seeing, she was feeling. **beginning of chapter one ===''New Islands and other stories'' (1939)=== *Day by day, proud human beings that we are, we have a tendency to renounce our elemental roots, which accounts for the fact that women no longer appreciate their braids.<br>Being rationalists nowadays, women in cutting off their braids ignore that in effect they are severing their ties with those magic currents which issue from the very heart of the earth.<br>Because a woman's hair springs from the most profound and mysterious source, whence is born the first trembling seed of life-evolving therefrom to struggle and grow among many entangling forces, thrusting through the vegetal surface into the air and on upwards to the privileged forehead of its choice. **beginning of "Braids" *I am privy to much that is unknown.<br>Of sea and earth and sky I know an infinity of small and magic secrets.<br>This time, however, I will tell only about the sea. **beginning of "The Unknown" == Quotes about == *For the majority of readers, Latin American fantastic literature operates under the tutelage of the great masters: [[Jorge Luis Borges]], [[Adolfo Bioy Casares]], [[Julio Cortázar]] and [[Gabriel García Márquez]]. However, although few are acquainted with their works, many women began experimenting with this genre well before their male counterparts and were the true precursors of the form, though their names remained on the shelves of oblivion, without the recognition that they deserved. [[María Luisa Bombal]], for example, wrote the fantastic nouvelle, ''House of Mist'' (1937) before the famous ''Ficcione''s (1944) of Borges... **[[Marjorie Agosín]] "Reflections on the Fantastic" Translated from the Spanish by Celeste Kostopulos-Cooperman. In ''Secret Weavers: Stories of the Fantastic by Women Writers of Argentina and Chile'' (1992) *Today, in Santiago, Chile, or Buenos Aires, in Caracas or Lima, when they name the best names, María Luisa Bombal is never missing from the list. This fact is even more notable when one considers the brevity of her work-which does not correspond to any determined "school" and which fortunately is devoid of any regionalism. **[[Jorge Luis Borges]] in ''Las islas nuevas'' (1939) *Here’s a very short list of Latin women novelists I think should have been considered part of the Boom…[[Mexico]]: [[Elena Garro]], [[Rosario Castellanos]]. [[Costa Rica]]: [[Carmen Naranjo]]. [[Brazil]]: [[Clarice Lispector]]. [[Uruguay]]: [[Armonía Somers]]. [[Chile]]: [[María Luisa Bombal]]. [[Argentina]]: [[Silvina Ocampo]], [[Nora Lange]], [[Elvira Orphée]]... **[[Luisa Valenzuela]], [https://thecollidescope.com/2022/11/06/rich-cosmologies-an-interview-with-luisa-valenzuela/ Interview] (2022) == External links== {{Wikipedia}} *[https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/25537.Mar_a_Luisa_Bombal Goodreads page] {{DEFAULTSORT:Bombal, María Luisa}} [[Category:1910 births]] [[Category:1980 deaths]] r0ksfj12ru1yeafzcol4fdnd2usqe1r 3778852 3778851 2025-07-14T20:34:42Z UDScott 4304 + 5 categories using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]] 3778852 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:María Luisa Bombal|María Luisa Bombal Anthes]]''' (Spanish pronunciation: [maˈɾi.a ˈlwisa βomˈβal]; Viña del Mar, Chile; 8 June 1910 – 6 May 1980) was a Chilean novelist and poet. {{author-stub}} == Quotes == ===''House of Mist'' (1947)=== English language readaptation of ''La última niebla'' (1934) *I wish to inform the reader that even though this is a mystery, it is a mystery without murder.<br>He will not find here any corpse, any detective; he will not even find a murder trial, for the simple reason that there will be no murderer.<br>There will be no murderer and no murder, yet there will be....crime.<br>And there will be fear.<br> Those for whom fear has an attraction; those who are interested in the mysterious life people live in their dreams during sleep; those who believe that the dead are not really dead; those who are afraid of the fog and of their own hearts... they will perhaps enjoy going back to the early days of this century and entering into the strange house of mist that a young woman, very much like all other women, built for herself at the southern end of South America. **Prologue *The story I am about to tell is the story of my life. It begins where other stories usually end; I mean, it begins with a wedding, a really strange wedding, my own. (beginning of chapter one) ===''The Shrouded Woman'' (1947 )=== English language readaptation of ''La amortajada'' (1938) *As night was beginning to fall, slowly her eyes opened. Oh, a little, just a little. It was as if, hidden behind her long lashes, she was trying to see.<br>And in the glow of the tall candles, those who were keeping watch leaned forward to observe the clarity and transparency in that narrow fringe of pupil death had failed to dim. With wonder and reverence, they leaned forward, unaware that she could see them.<br>For she was seeing, she was feeling. **beginning of chapter one ===''New Islands and other stories'' (1939)=== *Day by day, proud human beings that we are, we have a tendency to renounce our elemental roots, which accounts for the fact that women no longer appreciate their braids.<br>Being rationalists nowadays, women in cutting off their braids ignore that in effect they are severing their ties with those magic currents which issue from the very heart of the earth.<br>Because a woman's hair springs from the most profound and mysterious source, whence is born the first trembling seed of life-evolving therefrom to struggle and grow among many entangling forces, thrusting through the vegetal surface into the air and on upwards to the privileged forehead of its choice. **beginning of "Braids" *I am privy to much that is unknown.<br>Of sea and earth and sky I know an infinity of small and magic secrets.<br>This time, however, I will tell only about the sea. **beginning of "The Unknown" == Quotes about == *For the majority of readers, Latin American fantastic literature operates under the tutelage of the great masters: [[Jorge Luis Borges]], [[Adolfo Bioy Casares]], [[Julio Cortázar]] and [[Gabriel García Márquez]]. However, although few are acquainted with their works, many women began experimenting with this genre well before their male counterparts and were the true precursors of the form, though their names remained on the shelves of oblivion, without the recognition that they deserved. [[María Luisa Bombal]], for example, wrote the fantastic nouvelle, ''House of Mist'' (1937) before the famous ''Ficcione''s (1944) of Borges... **[[Marjorie Agosín]] "Reflections on the Fantastic" Translated from the Spanish by Celeste Kostopulos-Cooperman. In ''Secret Weavers: Stories of the Fantastic by Women Writers of Argentina and Chile'' (1992) *Today, in Santiago, Chile, or Buenos Aires, in Caracas or Lima, when they name the best names, María Luisa Bombal is never missing from the list. This fact is even more notable when one considers the brevity of her work-which does not correspond to any determined "school" and which fortunately is devoid of any regionalism. **[[Jorge Luis Borges]] in ''Las islas nuevas'' (1939) *Here’s a very short list of Latin women novelists I think should have been considered part of the Boom…[[Mexico]]: [[Elena Garro]], [[Rosario Castellanos]]. [[Costa Rica]]: [[Carmen Naranjo]]. [[Brazil]]: [[Clarice Lispector]]. [[Uruguay]]: [[Armonía Somers]]. [[Chile]]: [[María Luisa Bombal]]. [[Argentina]]: [[Silvina Ocampo]], [[Nora Lange]], [[Elvira Orphée]]... **[[Luisa Valenzuela]], [https://thecollidescope.com/2022/11/06/rich-cosmologies-an-interview-with-luisa-valenzuela/ Interview] (2022) == External links== {{Wikipedia}} *[https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/25537.Mar_a_Luisa_Bombal Goodreads page] {{DEFAULTSORT:Bombal, María Luisa}} [[Category:1910 births]] [[Category:1980 deaths]] [[Category:Novelists from Chile]] [[Category:Poets from Chile]] [[Category:Women from Chile]] [[Category:Women authors]] [[Category:Women born in the 1910s]] h6el92evg0cwwb1s09v55qnpu1vyfvz 0 293430 3778859 2025-07-14T20:59:11Z 174.197.204.145 Created page with "{{italic title}} '''''[[w:The Instigators|The Instigators]]''''' is a [[2024]] American heist comedy film about a divorced Marine veteran and an alcoholic ex-con being forced to flee the scene after a botougched heist goes wrong. :''Directed by [[w:Doug Liman|Doug Liman]]; Written by [[Casey Affleck]] and Chuck Maclean; Produced by [[Matt Damon]], [[Ben Affleck]], [[w:Kevin J. Walsh|Kevin J. Walsh]], Jeff Robinov, John Graham and Alison Winter'' {{center|'''Boston's mo..." 3778859 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:The Instigators|The Instigators]]''''' is a [[2024]] American heist comedy film about a divorced Marine veteran and an alcoholic ex-con being forced to flee the scene after a botougched heist goes wrong. :''Directed by [[w:Doug Liman|Doug Liman]]; Written by [[Casey Affleck]] and Chuck Maclean; Produced by [[Matt Damon]], [[Ben Affleck]], [[w:Kevin J. Walsh|Kevin J. Walsh]], Jeff Robinov, John Graham and Alison Winter'' {{center|'''Boston's most wanted. And least qualified.'''<small></small>}} ==Rory== * You're gonna love him. * ''[repeated line]'' 6:07. ==Cobby Murphy== * I guess I'll go down to Bolivia all by myself. ==Dialogue== :'''Frank Toomey''': Who are you? :'''Rory''': She's our hostage. :'''Cobby Murphy''': She's our psychiatrist. :'''Dr. Donna Rivera''': I'm not your psychiatrist. :'''Frank Toomey''': You're underpaid. :'''Dr. Donna Rivera''': Yeah, no shit. ==Cast== * [[Matt Damon]] as Rory * [[Casey Affleck]] as Cobby Murphy * [[Hong Chau]] as Dr. Donna Rivera * [[w:Paul Walter Hauser|Paul Walter Hauser]] as Booch * [[w:Michael Stuhlbarg|Michael Stuhlbarg]] as Mr. Besegai * [[w:Ving Rhames|Ving Rhames]] as Frank Toomey * [[w:Alfred Molina|Alfred Molina]] as Richie Dechico * [[w:Toby Jones|Toby Jones]] as Alan Flynn * [[w:Jack Harlow|Jack Harlow]] as Scalvo * [[w:Ron Perlman|Ron Perlman]] as Mayor Miccelli * [[w:André De Shields|André De Shields]] as Mr. Kelly * [[w:Toby Onwumere|Toby Onwumere]] as John Wayne * [[w:Rob Gronkowski|Rob Gronkowski]] as Himself * Ronnie Cho as Mark Choi * Scout Backus as Colani ==External links== {{Wikipedia|The Instigators}} * {{IMDb title|id=24169886|title=The Instigators}} [[Category:2024 films]] [[Category:2020s American films]] [[Category:Heist films]] [[Category:Comedy films]] [[Category:Films set in Massachusetts]] [[Category:Films set in New York (state)]] [[Category:Films set in Canada]] pi7mmhypg9n9nthyo0x1qzb44496szd 3778862 3778859 2025-07-14T21:00:40Z 174.197.204.145 3778862 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:The Instigators|The Instigators]]''''' is a [[2024]] American heist comedy film about a divorced Marine veteran and an alcoholic ex-con being forced to flee the scene after a botched heist goes wrong. :''Directed by [[w:Doug Liman|Doug Liman]]; Written by [[Casey Affleck]] and Chuck Maclean; Produced by [[Matt Damon]], [[Ben Affleck]], [[w:Kevin J. Walsh|Kevin J. Walsh]], Jeff Robinov, John Graham and Alison Winter'' {{center|'''Boston's most wanted. And least qualified.'''<small></small>}} ==Rory== * You're gonna love him. * ''[repeated line]'' 6:07. ==Cobby Murphy== * I guess I'll go down to Bolivia all by myself. ==Dialogue== :'''Frank Toomey''': Who are you? :'''Rory''': She's our hostage. :'''Cobby Murphy''': She's our psychiatrist. :'''Dr. Donna Rivera''': I'm not your psychiatrist. :'''Frank Toomey''': You're underpaid. :'''Dr. Donna Rivera''': Yeah, no shit. ==Cast== * [[Matt Damon]] as Rory * [[Casey Affleck]] as Cobby Murphy * [[Hong Chau]] as Dr. Donna Rivera * [[w:Paul Walter Hauser|Paul Walter Hauser]] as Booch * [[w:Michael Stuhlbarg|Michael Stuhlbarg]] as Mr. Besegai * [[w:Ving Rhames|Ving Rhames]] as Frank Toomey * [[w:Alfred Molina|Alfred Molina]] as Richie Dechico * [[w:Toby Jones|Toby Jones]] as Alan Flynn * [[w:Jack Harlow|Jack Harlow]] as Scalvo * [[w:Ron Perlman|Ron Perlman]] as Mayor Miccelli * [[w:André De Shields|André De Shields]] as Mr. Kelly * [[w:Toby Onwumere|Toby Onwumere]] as John Wayne * [[w:Rob Gronkowski|Rob Gronkowski]] as Himself * Ronnie Cho as Mark Choi * Scout Backus as Colani ==External links== {{Wikipedia|The Instigators}} * {{IMDb title|id=24169886|title=The Instigators}} [[Category:2024 films]] [[Category:2020s American films]] [[Category:Heist films]] [[Category:Comedy films]] [[Category:Films set in Massachusetts]] [[Category:Films set in New York (state)]] [[Category:Films set in Canada]] grp2fpezcs59bz53ixyloeavbcx74t2 3778864 3778862 2025-07-14T21:02:10Z 174.197.204.145 /* External links */ 3778864 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:The Instigators|The Instigators]]''''' is a [[2024]] American heist comedy film about a divorced Marine veteran and an alcoholic ex-con being forced to flee the scene after a botched heist goes wrong. :''Directed by [[w:Doug Liman|Doug Liman]]; Written by [[Casey Affleck]] and Chuck Maclean; Produced by [[Matt Damon]], [[Ben Affleck]], [[w:Kevin J. Walsh|Kevin J. Walsh]], Jeff Robinov, John Graham and Alison Winter'' {{center|'''Boston's most wanted. And least qualified.'''<small></small>}} ==Rory== * You're gonna love him. * ''[repeated line]'' 6:07. ==Cobby Murphy== * I guess I'll go down to Bolivia all by myself. ==Dialogue== :'''Frank Toomey''': Who are you? :'''Rory''': She's our hostage. :'''Cobby Murphy''': She's our psychiatrist. :'''Dr. Donna Rivera''': I'm not your psychiatrist. :'''Frank Toomey''': You're underpaid. :'''Dr. Donna Rivera''': Yeah, no shit. ==Cast== * [[Matt Damon]] as Rory * [[Casey Affleck]] as Cobby Murphy * [[Hong Chau]] as Dr. Donna Rivera * [[w:Paul Walter Hauser|Paul Walter Hauser]] as Booch * [[w:Michael Stuhlbarg|Michael Stuhlbarg]] as Mr. Besegai * [[w:Ving Rhames|Ving Rhames]] as Frank Toomey * [[w:Alfred Molina|Alfred Molina]] as Richie Dechico * [[w:Toby Jones|Toby Jones]] as Alan Flynn * [[w:Jack Harlow|Jack Harlow]] as Scalvo * [[w:Ron Perlman|Ron Perlman]] as Mayor Miccelli * [[w:André De Shields|André De Shields]] as Mr. Kelly * [[w:Toby Onwumere|Toby Onwumere]] as John Wayne * [[w:Rob Gronkowski|Rob Gronkowski]] as Himself * Ronnie Cho as Mark Choi * Scout Backus as Colani ==External links== {{Wikipedia|The Instigators}} * {{IMDb title|id=24169886|title=The Instigators}} [[Category:2024 films]] [[Category:2020s American films]] [[Category:Heist films]] [[Category:Comedy films]] [[Category:Films set in Boston]] [[Category:Films set in New York (state)]] [[Category:Films set in Canada]] d0ekboruxvns1sq1hh4w6m0v6seiv1x 0 293431 3778875 2025-07-14T21:18:58Z 2600:1005:B001:4C74:0:7:7AD9:3001 Created page with "{{SpongeBob header}} '''Snow Yellow''' (originaly titled '''Snow Yellow and the Seven Jellies''') is an episode of [[SpongeBob SquarePants]] from [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 14|season 14]], which aired on November 11, 2024 as part of the show's 25th anniversary. ==Dialogue== :Hans: [turning the page] While the Prince took a quick nappy-poo, the seven jellies who live in the hive were happily at work. :[Melodic buzzing is heard as the camera pans down to the seven jell..." 3778875 wikitext text/x-wiki {{SpongeBob header}} '''Snow Yellow''' (originaly titled '''Snow Yellow and the Seven Jellies''') is an episode of [[SpongeBob SquarePants]] from [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 14|season 14]], which aired on November 11, 2024 as part of the show's 25th anniversary. ==Dialogue== :Hans: [turning the page] While the Prince took a quick nappy-poo, the seven jellies who live in the hive were happily at work. :[Melodic buzzing is heard as the camera pans down to the seven jellies, with most of them in a minecart. Gary tosses a pickax to Nutty, then to Puffy, Drippy, Cooty, and Dummy. A pickax falls onto Dummy's head, who grabs it. The jellies are seen mining for jelly as Gary passes by on a minecart rack.] :Seven Jellies: [singing] ♪ We mine, flowers of the sea so we can make sweet jelly. :Krusty: [using a calculator] ♪ And I can make, me money. ♪Dummy: [emerges from the jelly pile] ♪ This pollen sure smells funny. ♪ [sneezes, propelling himself into the sky, screaming] :Nutty: [mines at a flower, then struggles to pull her pickax out, which hits the other jellies, making Puffy inflate as well and making everyone fall down into the jelly barrow] :Krusty: Ooh! :Gary: Meow? :Nutty: [gasps, then yells as Dummy crushes her into the pile, then everyone emerges from it] :All: [look at each other] Huh? [laugh before a cuckoo clock goes off] :[A cuckoo clock on the side of a mountain goes off. The cuckoo bird, which looks like Lady Prunes, comes out.] :Cuckoo: Stop working, you morons! It's 5 o'clock! [spits] Bingo! [goes back inside the clock] :Seven Jellies: [cheering as they leave] :Drippy: [grunting as he pushes the minecart] :Hans: [narrating] When the Seven Jellies got home, [the jellies enter their house, Nutty screams] They did not expect to find a snoring monster in their kitchen. :Snow Yellow: [stuck in the same position, snoring] 5u4z992fqxscygyp2g14vct27ge45b3 0 293432 3778880 2025-07-14T21:26:35Z ArboreumDude 3224883 anthropologist stub 3778880 wikitext text/x-wiki '''Jack M. Potter''' is an American anthropologist. He was an anthropology professor at the [[University of California, Berkeley]]. He is known for his ethnographies of peasants in Chiang Mai, [[Thailand]] and in Guangdong, China, both of which he had undertaken with his wife, Sulamith Heins Potter, also an anthropologist at the University of California, Berkeley. {{Scientist-stub}} == Quotes == * The people of Chiangmai are open, friendly, and sunny on the surface but deep, self-contained, and unfathomable beneath. The contradictions in their personalities are like the contrasts in their religious culture between the lovely, if somewhat garish, temple, with its delightful ceremonies, and their witches, with heads of horses, mouths frothing with blood, who are believed to canter through the village at night. Superficially Chiangmai villagers are charming, colorful, and carefree people, but underneath they have dark and brooding natures, with abiding hates, jealousies, and fears that pass from one generation to another. ** {{cite book|first=Jack M.|last=Potter|title=Thai Peasant Social Structure|location=Chicago|publisher=The University of Chicago Press|date=1976|page=23}} == External links == * [https://anthropology.berkeley.edu/jack-m-potter UC Berkeley faculty page] {{DEFAULTSORT:Potter, Jack M}} [[Category:Academics from the United States]] [[Category:Anthropologists from the United States]] [[Category:University of California, Berkeley faculty]] 7y1w5wmdci5ins0m3pzwyh5uxjekt9h 0 293433 3778892 2025-07-14T21:47:45Z Lofi Gurl 3206999 Created page with "*Red Garland is one of the those musicians you probably know a lot more about than you think you do, but it's still not enough. He made his biggest splash as a sideman, but today we induct a record under his own name into the NPR Basic Jazz Record Library. A Garland of Red is some of the finest piano trio jazz you can find. * ==External links== {{wikipedia}}" 3778892 wikitext text/x-wiki *Red Garland is one of the those musicians you probably know a lot more about than you think you do, but it's still not enough. He made his biggest splash as a sideman, but today we induct a record under his own name into the NPR Basic Jazz Record Library. A Garland of Red is some of the finest piano trio jazz you can find. * ==External links== {{wikipedia}} j2xx7pt1qavwuese7luygkoem2nybih 0 293434 3778929 2025-07-14T23:04:05Z Suslindisambiguator 275269 created page with 4 quotes 3778929 wikitext text/x-wiki '''{{w|Mary Cecil, 2nd Baroness Amherst of Hackney|Mary Rothes Margaret Cecil, 2nd Baroness Amherst of Hackney}}''', {{w|Order of the British Empire|OBE}} (née '''Mary Rothes Margaret Tyssen-Amherst'''; 25 April 1857 – 21 December 1919, sometimes published as '''Lady William Cecil''') was a British {{w|hereditary peer}}, charity worker, [[Archaeology|archaeologist]] in Egypt, {{w|ornithologist}}, and author. {{author-stub}} ==Quotes== * Occasionally, some tropical bird may perhaps be tempted north in search of food. Among these are the lovely little yellow-breasted {{w|Sunbird|Sun-bird}}s, which are met with in {{w|Nubia}}, and, I believe, have sometimes been seen as far north as {{w|Aswan}}. {{w|Eurasian golden oriole|Golden Oriole}}s are visitors on the [[Nile]], and brilliant {{w|European roller|blue Roller}}s, too, we saw in the {{w|Giza Zoo|Ghizeh gardens}}, going to their more Northern homes in [[Syria]], [[Spain]], and [[Italy]].<br>The low sand banks in the river, or some lonely place in the desert, are nightly chosen as resting-places for the {{w|Stork}}s, which are only travellers in the land. ** {{cite book|title=Bird Notes from the Nile|publisher=Archibald Constable & Company|year=1904|pages=12–13}} [https://archive.org/details/birdnotesfromnil00amhe test at archive.org] * The {{w|Canada warbler|Canadian Warbler, or Canadian Flycatcher [‘’Sylvania canadensis’’]}}, as it is sometimes called, lives in damp woods, where it can find plenty of insects. It catches them on the wing, as well as picking them off [[plants]] and [[trees]]. Its colouring is grey above with black streaks on its head; its breast is yellow, with a row of black marks across it, set like a {{w|Lord mayor|Lord Mayor}}’s {{w|Livery collar|chain of office}}. Its song is louder than that of most {{w|Warbler}}s, but very sweet and clear. ** {{cite journal|date=December 1916|title=Notes on a few American Warblers|volume=8|issue=1|pages=47–55|journal=Avicultural Magazine}} (quote from p. 51; [https://dn720104.ca.archive.org/0/items/aviculturalmagaz08avic/aviculturalmagaz08avic.pdf text at ca.archive.org]) ===''A Sketch of Egyptian History'' (1904)=== * There are curious remains near [[Cairo]] of a {{w|Petrified wood|petrified forest}}, where portions of trees have been found measuring 60 to 90 feet in length and 3 feet in diameter. It is said to have been formed by a deposit of sand and water which in the course of ages petrified the wood. But although there is little doubt that primeval forests existed in [[Egypt]], they must have disappeared at a very early date, as no special mention of them occurs, either in the oldest monuments or writings. ** {{cite book|title=A Sketch of Egyptian History from the Earliest Times to the Present Day|publisher=Methuen & Company|year=1906|url=https://books.google.com/books?id=jV5bAAAAcAAJ&pg=PA19|page=21}} (474 pages; 1st edition 1904) * The Egyptians possessed much interesting literature, of which poetry formed an important part. The hymns to {{w|Ra}}, {{w|Amun|Amen}}, and {{w|Hapi (Nile god)|Hapi}}, and that of {{w|Great Hymn to the Aten|Akhenaten to the Sun's Disk}}, are all beautiful specimens; and so, likewise, is the epic poem to {{w|Ramesses II|King Rameses}}, known as the "{{w|Kadesh inscriptions#Poem|Poem of Pentaur}}." ** [https://books.google.com/books?id=jV5bAAAAcAAJ&pg=PA33 p. 33] ==External links== * {{wikipedia-inline}} {{DEFAULTSORT:Cecil, Mary}} [[Category:1857 births]] [[Category:1919 deaths]] [[Category:Archaeologists from England]] [[Category:Non-fiction authors from England]] [[Category:Ornithologists]] [[Category:Women authors]] [[Category:Women born in the 19th century]] [[Category:Women from England]] fx0p5ba9d4ktcv49dwkj9nxifjjxktq 4 293435 3778936 2025-07-15T00:17:23Z Kalki 71 Created page with "{| style="background: {{{color}}}" | align=center | [[File:Stroop Report - Warsaw Ghetto Uprising 09.jpg|358px]] | align=center | &nbsp; | align=center | {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> The [[tradition]] of the [[oppressed]] [[teaches]] us that the "state of emergency" in which we live is not the exception but the [[rule]]. | author = Walter Benjamin }} | align=center | &nbsp; | align=center | File:Injured Palestinian by an Israeli airstrike of a hous..." 3778936 wikitext text/x-wiki {| style="background: {{{color}}}" | align=center | [[File:Stroop Report - Warsaw Ghetto Uprising 09.jpg|358px]] | align=center | &nbsp; | align=center | {{quote of the day | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> The [[tradition]] of the [[oppressed]] [[teaches]] us that the "state of emergency" in which we live is not the exception but the [[rule]]. | author = Walter Benjamin }} | align=center | &nbsp; | align=center | [[File:Injured Palestinian by an Israeli airstrike of a house in Deir el-Balah, Gaza Strip.jpg|358px]] |} 329wlulxj3wjx5j3z5mct4z2aumrdar 0 293437 3778989 2025-07-15T02:25:43Z 174.197.194.167 Created page with "{{italic title}} '''''[[w:Fly Away Home|Fly Away Home]]''''' is a [[1996]] American-Canadian family adventure drama film that tells a story of 15 orphaned Canada geese who are taken in by Amy Alden and her inventor father, Thomas Alden. With the geese grown up, the Aldens lead a migration down the continent. :'''Directed by [[w:Carroll Ballard|Carroll Ballard]]; Written by [[w:Robert Rodat|Robert Rodat]] and Vince McKewin; Produced by [[w:Carol Baum|Carol Baum]]; Based..." 3778989 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Fly Away Home|Fly Away Home]]''''' is a [[1996]] American-Canadian family adventure drama film that tells a story of 15 orphaned Canada geese who are taken in by Amy Alden and her inventor father, Thomas Alden. With the geese grown up, the Aldens lead a migration down the continent. :'''Directed by [[w:Carroll Ballard|Carroll Ballard]]; Written by [[w:Robert Rodat|Robert Rodat]] and Vince McKewin; Produced by [[w:Carol Baum|Carol Baum]]; Based on the book "Father Goose: One Man, a Gaggle of Geese, and Their Real Life Incredible Journey South" by [[w:Bill Lishman|Bill Lishman]]'' {{center|'''A family of orphaned geese who lost their way. A 14-year-old kid who will lead them home.'''<small></small>}} ==Thomas Alden== * ''[running out of the house in his underwear]'' GET OUT OF HERE!!! What do you think you're doing?! Hey! What do you think you're doing, huh?! Hey! We haven't had the meeting yet! We haven't voted! You're totally illegal! ''[sighs in frustration and lets out a furious scream]'' I'm gonna get a lawyer and sue your ass! * By destroying the marsh, they've accomplished their objective which is, there's nothing left to save. I mean, it's a done deal. And it's an outrage! There are laws against this kind of thing, and I, for one, want to know who amongst you is going to enforce them? ==Amy Alden== * Dad, look! They're really flying with me! * Hello, Papa Goose! This is so cool! * ''[screaming in the shower after a lotion malfunction]'' GET OOOUUUUTT!!! Get out!! GET OUT!!! ==Dialogue== :''[Amy is resting in the hospital bed with her father sleeping beside her]'' :'''Thomas Alden: Amy? It's Dad. :'''Amy Alden''': Dad? Why are you here? :'''Thomas Alden''': I came down from Canada. I've come to take you home. :'''Amy Alden''': What do you mean? :'''Thomas Alden''': Well, I mean... :'''Amy Alden''': Where's Mum? Tell me, Mum died, didn't she? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amy Alden''': Excuse me, sir, please leave him alone. :'''Glen Seifert''': Your name's Amy, isn't it? Well, Amy, these geese belong to the Crown. :'''Amy Alden''': What crown? :'''Glen Seifert''': That's the Queen of England. :'''Thomas Alden''': Pinioning? :'''Susan Barnes''': I have no idea. :'''Glen Seifert''': She made rules for us to follow. It's for the good of the goose, it's for the good of the people. Now what you do is you take the wing and you just shave a bit off the cuticle here-- [prepares to cut the tip off Igor's wing with a fingernail clipper] :'''Amy Alden''': ''[utterly enraged]'' WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! ''[shoots up from her chair and hits Seifert on the head repeatedly with a bowl of popcorn] STOP IT!! STOP IT!! STOP IT!! STOP IT!! :'''Thomas Alden''': ''[indignantly grabs Seifert and hauls him to the door]'' What the hell are you doing?! ''[Susan grabs Igor from Seifert's hand while Amy takes the flock in the bathroom]'' :'''Susan Barnes''': Watch out! :'''Glen Seifert''': Jeez! What are you doing?! :'''Thomas Alden''': ''[throws Seifert down the stairs]'' What the hell do you think you're doing, huh?! :'''Glen Seifert''': What is wrong with you? I'm trying to help! What happens when your birds start to fly? What happens in two months when they start to migrate? They're gonna end up zapped in power lines or dead on the highway, except-- :'''Thomas Alden''': ''[shoves Seifert by force]'' GET OFF MY LAND!! :'''Glen Seifert''': LISTEN TO ME!! Your birds could be carrying parasites and disease! If they infect while they want-- :'''Thomas Alden''': STAY OFF OF MY PLACE!!! :'''Glen Seifert''': Your birds are gonna get clipped, no matter what! If your birds fly, I'm gonna have to confiscate them! ==Cast== * [[w:Jeff Daniels|Jeff Daniels]] as Thomas Alden * [[w:Anna Paquin|Anna Paquin]] as Amy Alden * [[w:Dana Delany|Dana Delany]] as Susan Barnes * [[w:Terry Kinney|Terry Kinney]] as David Alden * [[w:Holter Graham|Holter Graham]] as Barry Stickland * [[w:Jeremy Ratchford|Jeremy Ratchford]] as Glen Seifert * Deborah Verginella as Aliane Alden * [[w:Michael J. Reynolds (actor)|Michael J. Reynolds]] as General Hatfield * [[w:David Hemblem|David Hemblen]] as Dr. Killian * Ken James as Developer * Nora Ballard as Jackie * Sarena Paton as Laura * Chris Benson as Farmer * [[w:Gladys O'Connor|Gladys O'Connor]] as Farm Woman ==External links== {{Wikipedia|Fly Away Home}} * {{IMDb title|id=0116329|title=Fly Away Home}} [[Category:1996 films]] [[Category:1990s American films]] [[Category:1990s Canadian films]] [[Category:Adventure films]] [[Category:Comedy-drama films]] [[Category:Films set in Canada]] [[Category:Films set in New York (state)]] [[Category:Films set in South Carolina]] [[Category:Films about father–daughter relationships]] tl4boxa32k4u83wcc1qxtr9vwtagoyg 3778990 3778989 2025-07-15T02:26:03Z 174.197.194.167 /* Dialogue */ 3778990 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Fly Away Home|Fly Away Home]]''''' is a [[1996]] American-Canadian family adventure drama film that tells a story of 15 orphaned Canada geese who are taken in by Amy Alden and her inventor father, Thomas Alden. With the geese grown up, the Aldens lead a migration down the continent. :'''Directed by [[w:Carroll Ballard|Carroll Ballard]]; Written by [[w:Robert Rodat|Robert Rodat]] and Vince McKewin; Produced by [[w:Carol Baum|Carol Baum]]; Based on the book "Father Goose: One Man, a Gaggle of Geese, and Their Real Life Incredible Journey South" by [[w:Bill Lishman|Bill Lishman]]'' {{center|'''A family of orphaned geese who lost their way. A 14-year-old kid who will lead them home.'''<small></small>}} ==Thomas Alden== * ''[running out of the house in his underwear]'' GET OUT OF HERE!!! What do you think you're doing?! Hey! What do you think you're doing, huh?! Hey! We haven't had the meeting yet! We haven't voted! You're totally illegal! ''[sighs in frustration and lets out a furious scream]'' I'm gonna get a lawyer and sue your ass! * By destroying the marsh, they've accomplished their objective which is, there's nothing left to save. I mean, it's a done deal. And it's an outrage! There are laws against this kind of thing, and I, for one, want to know who amongst you is going to enforce them? ==Amy Alden== * Dad, look! They're really flying with me! * Hello, Papa Goose! This is so cool! * ''[screaming in the shower after a lotion malfunction]'' GET OOOUUUUTT!!! Get out!! GET OUT!!! ==Dialogue== :''[Amy is resting in the hospital bed with her father sleeping beside her]'' :'''Thomas Alden''': Amy? It's Dad. :'''Amy Alden''': Dad? Why are you here? :'''Thomas Alden''': I came down from Canada. I've come to take you home. :'''Amy Alden''': What do you mean? :'''Thomas Alden''': Well, I mean... :'''Amy Alden''': Where's Mum? Tell me, Mum died, didn't she? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amy Alden''': Excuse me, sir, please leave him alone. :'''Glen Seifert''': Your name's Amy, isn't it? Well, Amy, these geese belong to the Crown. :'''Amy Alden''': What crown? :'''Glen Seifert''': That's the Queen of England. :'''Thomas Alden''': Pinioning? :'''Susan Barnes''': I have no idea. :'''Glen Seifert''': She made rules for us to follow. It's for the good of the goose, it's for the good of the people. Now what you do is you take the wing and you just shave a bit off the cuticle here-- [prepares to cut the tip off Igor's wing with a fingernail clipper] :'''Amy Alden''': ''[utterly enraged]'' WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! ''[shoots up from her chair and hits Seifert on the head repeatedly with a bowl of popcorn] STOP IT!! STOP IT!! STOP IT!! STOP IT!! :'''Thomas Alden''': ''[indignantly grabs Seifert and hauls him to the door]'' What the hell are you doing?! ''[Susan grabs Igor from Seifert's hand while Amy takes the flock in the bathroom]'' :'''Susan Barnes''': Watch out! :'''Glen Seifert''': Jeez! What are you doing?! :'''Thomas Alden''': ''[throws Seifert down the stairs]'' What the hell do you think you're doing, huh?! :'''Glen Seifert''': What is wrong with you? I'm trying to help! What happens when your birds start to fly? What happens in two months when they start to migrate? They're gonna end up zapped in power lines or dead on the highway, except-- :'''Thomas Alden''': ''[shoves Seifert by force]'' GET OFF MY LAND!! :'''Glen Seifert''': LISTEN TO ME!! Your birds could be carrying parasites and disease! If they infect while they want-- :'''Thomas Alden''': STAY OFF OF MY PLACE!!! :'''Glen Seifert''': Your birds are gonna get clipped, no matter what! If your birds fly, I'm gonna have to confiscate them! ==Cast== * [[w:Jeff Daniels|Jeff Daniels]] as Thomas Alden * [[w:Anna Paquin|Anna Paquin]] as Amy Alden * [[w:Dana Delany|Dana Delany]] as Susan Barnes * [[w:Terry Kinney|Terry Kinney]] as David Alden * [[w:Holter Graham|Holter Graham]] as Barry Stickland * [[w:Jeremy Ratchford|Jeremy Ratchford]] as Glen Seifert * Deborah Verginella as Aliane Alden * [[w:Michael J. Reynolds (actor)|Michael J. Reynolds]] as General Hatfield * [[w:David Hemblem|David Hemblen]] as Dr. Killian * Ken James as Developer * Nora Ballard as Jackie * Sarena Paton as Laura * Chris Benson as Farmer * [[w:Gladys O'Connor|Gladys O'Connor]] as Farm Woman ==External links== {{Wikipedia|Fly Away Home}} * {{IMDb title|id=0116329|title=Fly Away Home}} [[Category:1996 films]] [[Category:1990s American films]] [[Category:1990s Canadian films]] [[Category:Adventure films]] [[Category:Comedy-drama films]] [[Category:Films set in Canada]] [[Category:Films set in New York (state)]] [[Category:Films set in South Carolina]] [[Category:Films about father–daughter relationships]] ae25s9ms2lu71xk7sf3bcqt6yeva2pf 3778992 3778990 2025-07-15T02:27:15Z 174.197.194.167 /* Dialogue */ 3778992 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Fly Away Home|Fly Away Home]]''''' is a [[1996]] American-Canadian family adventure drama film that tells a story of 15 orphaned Canada geese who are taken in by Amy Alden and her inventor father, Thomas Alden. With the geese grown up, the Aldens lead a migration down the continent. :'''Directed by [[w:Carroll Ballard|Carroll Ballard]]; Written by [[w:Robert Rodat|Robert Rodat]] and Vince McKewin; Produced by [[w:Carol Baum|Carol Baum]]; Based on the book "Father Goose: One Man, a Gaggle of Geese, and Their Real Life Incredible Journey South" by [[w:Bill Lishman|Bill Lishman]]'' {{center|'''A family of orphaned geese who lost their way. A 14-year-old kid who will lead them home.'''<small></small>}} ==Thomas Alden== * ''[running out of the house in his underwear]'' GET OUT OF HERE!!! What do you think you're doing?! Hey! What do you think you're doing, huh?! Hey! We haven't had the meeting yet! We haven't voted! You're totally illegal! ''[sighs in frustration and lets out a furious scream]'' I'm gonna get a lawyer and sue your ass! * By destroying the marsh, they've accomplished their objective which is, there's nothing left to save. I mean, it's a done deal. And it's an outrage! There are laws against this kind of thing, and I, for one, want to know who amongst you is going to enforce them? ==Amy Alden== * Dad, look! They're really flying with me! * Hello, Papa Goose! This is so cool! * ''[screaming in the shower after a lotion malfunction]'' GET OOOUUUUTT!!! Get out!! GET OUT!!! ==Dialogue== :''[Amy is resting in the hospital bed with her father sleeping beside her]'' :'''Thomas Alden''': Amy? It's Dad. :'''Amy Alden''': Dad? Why are you here? :'''Thomas Alden''': I came down from Canada. I've come to take you home. :'''Amy Alden''': What do you mean? :'''Thomas Alden''': Well, I mean... :'''Amy Alden''': Where's Mum? Tell me, Mum died, didn't she? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amy Alden''': Excuse me, sir, please leave him alone. :'''Glen Seifert''': Your name's Amy, isn't it? Well, Amy, these geese belong to the Crown. :'''Amy Alden''': What crown? :'''Glen Seifert''': That's the Queen of England. :'''Thomas Alden''': Pinioning? :'''Susan Barnes''': I have no idea. :'''Glen Seifert''': She made rules for us to follow. It's for the good of the goose, it's for the good of the people. Now what you do is you take the wing and you just shave a bit off the cuticle here-- ''[prepares to cut the tip off Igor's wing with a fingernail clipper]'' :'''Amy Alden''': ''[utterly enraged]'' WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! ''[shoots up from her chair and hits Seifert on the head repeatedly with a bowl of popcorn] STOP IT!! STOP IT!! STOP IT!! STOP IT!! :'''Thomas Alden''': ''[indignantly grabs Seifert and hauls him to the door]'' What the hell are you doing?! ''[Susan grabs Igor from Seifert's hand while Amy takes the flock in the bathroom]'' :'''Susan Barnes''': Watch out! :'''Glen Seifert''': Jeez! What are you doing?! :'''Thomas Alden''': ''[throws Seifert down the stairs]'' What the hell do you think you're doing, huh?! :'''Glen Seifert''': What is wrong with you? I'm trying to help! What happens when your birds start to fly? What happens in two months when they start to migrate? They're gonna end up zapped in power lines or dead on the highway, except-- :'''Thomas Alden''': ''[shoves Seifert by force]'' GET OFF MY LAND!! :'''Glen Seifert''': LISTEN TO ME!! Your birds could be carrying parasites and disease! If they infect while they want-- :'''Thomas Alden''': STAY OFF OF MY PLACE!!! :'''Glen Seifert''': Your birds are gonna get clipped, no matter what! If your birds fly, I'm gonna have to confiscate them! ==Cast== * [[w:Jeff Daniels|Jeff Daniels]] as Thomas Alden * [[w:Anna Paquin|Anna Paquin]] as Amy Alden * [[w:Dana Delany|Dana Delany]] as Susan Barnes * [[w:Terry Kinney|Terry Kinney]] as David Alden * [[w:Holter Graham|Holter Graham]] as Barry Stickland * [[w:Jeremy Ratchford|Jeremy Ratchford]] as Glen Seifert * Deborah Verginella as Aliane Alden * [[w:Michael J. Reynolds (actor)|Michael J. Reynolds]] as General Hatfield * [[w:David Hemblem|David Hemblen]] as Dr. Killian * Ken James as Developer * Nora Ballard as Jackie * Sarena Paton as Laura * Chris Benson as Farmer * [[w:Gladys O'Connor|Gladys O'Connor]] as Farm Woman ==External links== {{Wikipedia|Fly Away Home}} * {{IMDb title|id=0116329|title=Fly Away Home}} [[Category:1996 films]] [[Category:1990s American films]] [[Category:1990s Canadian films]] [[Category:Adventure films]] [[Category:Comedy-drama films]] [[Category:Films set in Canada]] [[Category:Films set in New York (state)]] [[Category:Films set in South Carolina]] [[Category:Films about father–daughter relationships]] buiqv07kv24nowlw14q8g6n3rh19r30 3778993 3778992 2025-07-15T02:30:08Z 174.197.194.167 /* External links */ 3778993 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Fly Away Home|Fly Away Home]]''''' is a [[1996]] American-Canadian family adventure drama film that tells a story of 15 orphaned Canada geese who are taken in by Amy Alden and her inventor father, Thomas Alden. With the geese grown up, the Aldens lead a migration down the continent. :'''Directed by [[w:Carroll Ballard|Carroll Ballard]]; Written by [[w:Robert Rodat|Robert Rodat]] and Vince McKewin; Produced by [[w:Carol Baum|Carol Baum]]; Based on the book "Father Goose: One Man, a Gaggle of Geese, and Their Real Life Incredible Journey South" by [[w:Bill Lishman|Bill Lishman]]'' {{center|'''A family of orphaned geese who lost their way. A 14-year-old kid who will lead them home.'''<small></small>}} ==Thomas Alden== * ''[running out of the house in his underwear]'' GET OUT OF HERE!!! What do you think you're doing?! Hey! What do you think you're doing, huh?! Hey! We haven't had the meeting yet! We haven't voted! You're totally illegal! ''[sighs in frustration and lets out a furious scream]'' I'm gonna get a lawyer and sue your ass! * By destroying the marsh, they've accomplished their objective which is, there's nothing left to save. I mean, it's a done deal. And it's an outrage! There are laws against this kind of thing, and I, for one, want to know who amongst you is going to enforce them? ==Amy Alden== * Dad, look! They're really flying with me! * Hello, Papa Goose! This is so cool! * ''[screaming in the shower after a lotion malfunction]'' GET OOOUUUUTT!!! Get out!! GET OUT!!! ==Dialogue== :''[Amy is resting in the hospital bed with her father sleeping beside her]'' :'''Thomas Alden''': Amy? It's Dad. :'''Amy Alden''': Dad? Why are you here? :'''Thomas Alden''': I came down from Canada. I've come to take you home. :'''Amy Alden''': What do you mean? :'''Thomas Alden''': Well, I mean... :'''Amy Alden''': Where's Mum? Tell me, Mum died, didn't she? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amy Alden''': Excuse me, sir, please leave him alone. :'''Glen Seifert''': Your name's Amy, isn't it? Well, Amy, these geese belong to the Crown. :'''Amy Alden''': What crown? :'''Glen Seifert''': That's the Queen of England. :'''Thomas Alden''': Pinioning? :'''Susan Barnes''': I have no idea. :'''Glen Seifert''': She made rules for us to follow. It's for the good of the goose, it's for the good of the people. Now what you do is you take the wing and you just shave a bit off the cuticle here-- ''[prepares to cut the tip off Igor's wing with a fingernail clipper]'' :'''Amy Alden''': ''[utterly enraged]'' WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! ''[shoots up from her chair and hits Seifert on the head repeatedly with a bowl of popcorn] STOP IT!! STOP IT!! STOP IT!! STOP IT!! :'''Thomas Alden''': ''[indignantly grabs Seifert and hauls him to the door]'' What the hell are you doing?! ''[Susan grabs Igor from Seifert's hand while Amy takes the flock in the bathroom]'' :'''Susan Barnes''': Watch out! :'''Glen Seifert''': Jeez! What are you doing?! :'''Thomas Alden''': ''[throws Seifert down the stairs]'' What the hell do you think you're doing, huh?! :'''Glen Seifert''': What is wrong with you? I'm trying to help! What happens when your birds start to fly? What happens in two months when they start to migrate? They're gonna end up zapped in power lines or dead on the highway, except-- :'''Thomas Alden''': ''[shoves Seifert by force]'' GET OFF MY LAND!! :'''Glen Seifert''': LISTEN TO ME!! Your birds could be carrying parasites and disease! If they infect while they want-- :'''Thomas Alden''': STAY OFF OF MY PLACE!!! :'''Glen Seifert''': Your birds are gonna get clipped, no matter what! If your birds fly, I'm gonna have to confiscate them! ==Cast== * [[w:Jeff Daniels|Jeff Daniels]] as Thomas Alden * [[w:Anna Paquin|Anna Paquin]] as Amy Alden * [[w:Dana Delany|Dana Delany]] as Susan Barnes * [[w:Terry Kinney|Terry Kinney]] as David Alden * [[w:Holter Graham|Holter Graham]] as Barry Stickland * [[w:Jeremy Ratchford|Jeremy Ratchford]] as Glen Seifert * Deborah Verginella as Aliane Alden * [[w:Michael J. Reynolds (actor)|Michael J. Reynolds]] as General Hatfield * [[w:David Hemblem|David Hemblen]] as Dr. Killian * Ken James as Developer * Nora Ballard as Jackie * Sarena Paton as Laura * Chris Benson as Farmer * [[w:Gladys O'Connor|Gladys O'Connor]] as Farm Woman ==External links== {{Wikipedia|Fly Away Home}} * {{IMDb title|id=0116329|title=Fly Away Home}} [[Category:1996 films]] [[Category:1990s American films]] [[Category:1990s Canadian films]] [[Category:Adventure films]] [[Category:Comedy-drama films]] [[Category:Films set in Canada]] [[Category:Films set in Maryland]] [[Category:Films set in New York (state)]] [[Category:Films set in New Zealand]] [[Category:Films set in Pennsylvania]] [[Category:Films set in South Carolina]] [[Category:Films set in Virginia]] [[Category:Films about father–daughter relationships]] e5tpac5d79u3dm9mgc59mp72sz8yoqj 3778995 3778993 2025-07-15T02:33:35Z 174.197.194.167 /* External links */ 3778995 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Fly Away Home|Fly Away Home]]''''' is a [[1996]] American-Canadian family adventure drama film that tells a story of 15 orphaned Canada geese who are taken in by Amy Alden and her inventor father, Thomas Alden. With the geese grown up, the Aldens lead a migration down the continent. :'''Directed by [[w:Carroll Ballard|Carroll Ballard]]; Written by [[w:Robert Rodat|Robert Rodat]] and Vince McKewin; Produced by [[w:Carol Baum|Carol Baum]]; Based on the book "Father Goose: One Man, a Gaggle of Geese, and Their Real Life Incredible Journey South" by [[w:Bill Lishman|Bill Lishman]]'' {{center|'''A family of orphaned geese who lost their way. A 14-year-old kid who will lead them home.'''<small></small>}} ==Thomas Alden== * ''[running out of the house in his underwear]'' GET OUT OF HERE!!! What do you think you're doing?! Hey! What do you think you're doing, huh?! Hey! We haven't had the meeting yet! We haven't voted! You're totally illegal! ''[sighs in frustration and lets out a furious scream]'' I'm gonna get a lawyer and sue your ass! * By destroying the marsh, they've accomplished their objective which is, there's nothing left to save. I mean, it's a done deal. And it's an outrage! There are laws against this kind of thing, and I, for one, want to know who amongst you is going to enforce them? ==Amy Alden== * Dad, look! They're really flying with me! * Hello, Papa Goose! This is so cool! * ''[screaming in the shower after a lotion malfunction]'' GET OOOUUUUTT!!! Get out!! GET OUT!!! ==Dialogue== :''[Amy is resting in the hospital bed with her father sleeping beside her]'' :'''Thomas Alden''': Amy? It's Dad. :'''Amy Alden''': Dad? Why are you here? :'''Thomas Alden''': I came down from Canada. I've come to take you home. :'''Amy Alden''': What do you mean? :'''Thomas Alden''': Well, I mean... :'''Amy Alden''': Where's Mum? Tell me, Mum died, didn't she? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amy Alden''': Excuse me, sir, please leave him alone. :'''Glen Seifert''': Your name's Amy, isn't it? Well, Amy, these geese belong to the Crown. :'''Amy Alden''': What crown? :'''Glen Seifert''': That's the Queen of England. :'''Thomas Alden''': Pinioning? :'''Susan Barnes''': I have no idea. :'''Glen Seifert''': She made rules for us to follow. It's for the good of the goose, it's for the good of the people. Now what you do is you take the wing and you just shave a bit off the cuticle here-- ''[prepares to cut the tip off Igor's wing with a fingernail clipper]'' :'''Amy Alden''': ''[utterly enraged]'' WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! ''[shoots up from her chair and hits Seifert on the head repeatedly with a bowl of popcorn] STOP IT!! STOP IT!! STOP IT!! STOP IT!! :'''Thomas Alden''': ''[indignantly grabs Seifert and hauls him to the door]'' What the hell are you doing?! ''[Susan grabs Igor from Seifert's hand while Amy takes the flock in the bathroom]'' :'''Susan Barnes''': Watch out! :'''Glen Seifert''': Jeez! What are you doing?! :'''Thomas Alden''': ''[throws Seifert down the stairs]'' What the hell do you think you're doing, huh?! :'''Glen Seifert''': What is wrong with you? I'm trying to help! What happens when your birds start to fly? What happens in two months when they start to migrate? They're gonna end up zapped in power lines or dead on the highway, except-- :'''Thomas Alden''': ''[shoves Seifert by force]'' GET OFF MY LAND!! :'''Glen Seifert''': LISTEN TO ME!! Your birds could be carrying parasites and disease! If they infect while they want-- :'''Thomas Alden''': STAY OFF OF MY PLACE!!! :'''Glen Seifert''': Your birds are gonna get clipped, no matter what! If your birds fly, I'm gonna have to confiscate them! ==Cast== * [[w:Jeff Daniels|Jeff Daniels]] as Thomas Alden * [[w:Anna Paquin|Anna Paquin]] as Amy Alden * [[w:Dana Delany|Dana Delany]] as Susan Barnes * [[w:Terry Kinney|Terry Kinney]] as David Alden * [[w:Holter Graham|Holter Graham]] as Barry Stickland * [[w:Jeremy Ratchford|Jeremy Ratchford]] as Glen Seifert * Deborah Verginella as Aliane Alden * [[w:Michael J. Reynolds (actor)|Michael J. Reynolds]] as General Hatfield * [[w:David Hemblem|David Hemblen]] as Dr. Killian * Ken James as Developer * Nora Ballard as Jackie * Sarena Paton as Laura * Chris Benson as Farmer * [[w:Gladys O'Connor|Gladys O'Connor]] as Farm Woman ==External links== {{Wikipedia|Fly Away Home}} * {{IMDb title|id=0116329|title=Fly Away Home}} [[Category:1996 films]] [[Category:1990s American films]] [[Category:1990s Canadian films]] [[Category:Adventure films]] [[Category:Airplane films]] [[Category:Comedy-drama films]] [[Category:Films set in Canada]] [[Category:Films set in Maryland]] [[Category:Films set in New York (state)]] [[Category:Films set in New Zealand]] [[Category:Films set in Pennsylvania]] [[Category:Films set in North Carolina]] [[Category:Films set in Virginia]] [[Category:Films about father–daughter relationships]] c9s8u46zkl75mk3r2a5v2w6s58dd4gq 3778998 3778995 2025-07-15T02:35:44Z 174.197.194.167 /* External links */ 3778998 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Fly Away Home|Fly Away Home]]''''' is a [[1996]] American-Canadian family adventure drama film that tells a story of 15 orphaned Canada geese who are taken in by Amy Alden and her inventor father, Thomas Alden. With the geese grown up, the Aldens lead a migration down the continent. :'''Directed by [[w:Carroll Ballard|Carroll Ballard]]; Written by [[w:Robert Rodat|Robert Rodat]] and Vince McKewin; Produced by [[w:Carol Baum|Carol Baum]]; Based on the book "Father Goose: One Man, a Gaggle of Geese, and Their Real Life Incredible Journey South" by [[w:Bill Lishman|Bill Lishman]]'' {{center|'''A family of orphaned geese who lost their way. A 14-year-old kid who will lead them home.'''<small></small>}} ==Thomas Alden== * ''[running out of the house in his underwear]'' GET OUT OF HERE!!! What do you think you're doing?! Hey! What do you think you're doing, huh?! Hey! We haven't had the meeting yet! We haven't voted! You're totally illegal! ''[sighs in frustration and lets out a furious scream]'' I'm gonna get a lawyer and sue your ass! * By destroying the marsh, they've accomplished their objective which is, there's nothing left to save. I mean, it's a done deal. And it's an outrage! There are laws against this kind of thing, and I, for one, want to know who amongst you is going to enforce them? ==Amy Alden== * Dad, look! They're really flying with me! * Hello, Papa Goose! This is so cool! * ''[screaming in the shower after a lotion malfunction]'' GET OOOUUUUTT!!! Get out!! GET OUT!!! ==Dialogue== :''[Amy is resting in the hospital bed with her father sleeping beside her]'' :'''Thomas Alden''': Amy? It's Dad. :'''Amy Alden''': Dad? Why are you here? :'''Thomas Alden''': I came down from Canada. I've come to take you home. :'''Amy Alden''': What do you mean? :'''Thomas Alden''': Well, I mean... :'''Amy Alden''': Where's Mum? Tell me, Mum died, didn't she? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amy Alden''': Excuse me, sir, please leave him alone. :'''Glen Seifert''': Your name's Amy, isn't it? Well, Amy, these geese belong to the Crown. :'''Amy Alden''': What crown? :'''Glen Seifert''': That's the Queen of England. :'''Thomas Alden''': Pinioning? :'''Susan Barnes''': I have no idea. :'''Glen Seifert''': She made rules for us to follow. It's for the good of the goose, it's for the good of the people. Now what you do is you take the wing and you just shave a bit off the cuticle here-- ''[prepares to cut the tip off Igor's wing with a fingernail clipper]'' :'''Amy Alden''': ''[utterly enraged]'' WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! ''[shoots up from her chair and hits Seifert on the head repeatedly with a bowl of popcorn] STOP IT!! STOP IT!! STOP IT!! STOP IT!! :'''Thomas Alden''': ''[indignantly grabs Seifert and hauls him to the door]'' What the hell are you doing?! ''[Susan grabs Igor from Seifert's hand while Amy takes the flock in the bathroom]'' :'''Susan Barnes''': Watch out! :'''Glen Seifert''': Jeez! What are you doing?! :'''Thomas Alden''': ''[throws Seifert down the stairs]'' What the hell do you think you're doing, huh?! :'''Glen Seifert''': What is wrong with you? I'm trying to help! What happens when your birds start to fly? What happens in two months when they start to migrate? They're gonna end up zapped in power lines or dead on the highway, except-- :'''Thomas Alden''': ''[shoves Seifert by force]'' GET OFF MY LAND!! :'''Glen Seifert''': LISTEN TO ME!! Your birds could be carrying parasites and disease! If they infect while they want-- :'''Thomas Alden''': STAY OFF OF MY PLACE!!! :'''Glen Seifert''': Your birds are gonna get clipped, no matter what! If your birds fly, I'm gonna have to confiscate them! ==Cast== * [[w:Jeff Daniels|Jeff Daniels]] as Thomas Alden * [[w:Anna Paquin|Anna Paquin]] as Amy Alden * [[w:Dana Delany|Dana Delany]] as Susan Barnes * [[w:Terry Kinney|Terry Kinney]] as David Alden * [[w:Holter Graham|Holter Graham]] as Barry Stickland * [[w:Jeremy Ratchford|Jeremy Ratchford]] as Glen Seifert * Deborah Verginella as Aliane Alden * [[w:Michael J. Reynolds (actor)|Michael J. Reynolds]] as General Hatfield * [[w:David Hemblem|David Hemblen]] as Dr. Killian * Ken James as Developer * Nora Ballard as Jackie * Sarena Paton as Laura * Chris Benson as Farmer * [[w:Gladys O'Connor|Gladys O'Connor]] as Farm Woman ==External links== {{Wikipedia|Fly Away Home}} * {{IMDb title|id=0116329|title=Fly Away Home}} [[Category:1996 films]] [[Category:1990s American films]] [[Category:1990s Canadian films]] [[Category:Adventure films]] [[Category:Airplane films]] [[Category:Comedy-drama films]] [[Category:Films set in Canada]] [[Category:Films set in Maryland]] [[Category:Films set in New York (state)]] [[Category:Films set in New Zealand]] [[Category:Films set in Pennsylvania]] [[Category:Films set in North Carolina]] [[Category:Films set in Virginia]] [[Category:Films about birds]] [[Category:Films about father–daughter relationships]] sg12686co4gew75zx98k9gmgdwjgtny 3778999 3778998 2025-07-15T02:36:31Z 174.197.194.167 /* Dialogue */ 3778999 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Fly Away Home|Fly Away Home]]''''' is a [[1996]] American-Canadian family adventure drama film that tells a story of 15 orphaned Canada geese who are taken in by Amy Alden and her inventor father, Thomas Alden. With the geese grown up, the Aldens lead a migration down the continent. :'''Directed by [[w:Carroll Ballard|Carroll Ballard]]; Written by [[w:Robert Rodat|Robert Rodat]] and Vince McKewin; Produced by [[w:Carol Baum|Carol Baum]]; Based on the book "Father Goose: One Man, a Gaggle of Geese, and Their Real Life Incredible Journey South" by [[w:Bill Lishman|Bill Lishman]]'' {{center|'''A family of orphaned geese who lost their way. A 14-year-old kid who will lead them home.'''<small></small>}} ==Thomas Alden== * ''[running out of the house in his underwear]'' GET OUT OF HERE!!! What do you think you're doing?! Hey! What do you think you're doing, huh?! Hey! We haven't had the meeting yet! We haven't voted! You're totally illegal! ''[sighs in frustration and lets out a furious scream]'' I'm gonna get a lawyer and sue your ass! * By destroying the marsh, they've accomplished their objective which is, there's nothing left to save. I mean, it's a done deal. And it's an outrage! There are laws against this kind of thing, and I, for one, want to know who amongst you is going to enforce them? ==Amy Alden== * Dad, look! They're really flying with me! * Hello, Papa Goose! This is so cool! * ''[screaming in the shower after a lotion malfunction]'' GET OOOUUUUTT!!! Get out!! GET OUT!!! ==Dialogue== :''[Amy is resting in the hospital bed with her father sleeping beside her]'' :'''Thomas Alden''': Amy? It's Dad. :'''Amy Alden''': Dad? Why are you here? :'''Thomas Alden''': I came down from Canada. I've come to take you home. :'''Amy Alden''': What do you mean? :'''Thomas Alden''': Well, I mean... :'''Amy Alden''': Where's Mum? Tell me, Mum died, didn't she? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amy Alden''': Excuse me, sir, please leave him alone. :'''Glen Seifert''': Your name's Amy, isn't it? Well, Amy, these geese belong to the Crown. :'''Amy Alden''': What crown? :'''Glen Seifert''': That's the Queen of England. :'''Thomas Alden''': Pinioning? :'''Susan Barnes''': I have no idea. :'''Glen Seifert''': She made rules for us to follow. It's for the good of the goose, it's for the good of the people. Now what you do is you take the wing and you just shave a bit off the cuticle here-- ''[prepares to cut the tip off Igor's wing with a fingernail clipper]'' :'''Amy Alden''': ''[utterly enraged]'' WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! ''[shoots up from her chair and hits Seifert on the head repeatedly with a bowl of popcorn]'' STOP IT!! STOP IT!! STOP IT!! STOP IT!! :'''Thomas Alden''': ''[indignantly grabs Seifert and hauls him to the door]'' What the hell are you doing?! ''[Susan grabs Igor from Seifert's hand while Amy takes the flock in the bathroom]'' :'''Susan Barnes''': Watch out! :'''Glen Seifert''': Jeez! What are you doing?! :'''Thomas Alden''': ''[throws Seifert down the stairs]'' What the hell do you think you're doing, huh?! :'''Glen Seifert''': What is wrong with you? I'm trying to help! What happens when your birds start to fly? What happens in two months when they start to migrate? They're gonna end up zapped in power lines or dead on the highway, except-- :'''Thomas Alden''': ''[shoves Seifert by force]'' GET OFF MY LAND!! :'''Glen Seifert''': LISTEN TO ME!! Your birds could be carrying parasites and disease! If they infect while they want-- :'''Thomas Alden''': STAY OFF OF MY PLACE!!! :'''Glen Seifert''': Your birds are gonna get clipped, no matter what! If your birds fly, I'm gonna have to confiscate them! ==Cast== * [[w:Jeff Daniels|Jeff Daniels]] as Thomas Alden * [[w:Anna Paquin|Anna Paquin]] as Amy Alden * [[w:Dana Delany|Dana Delany]] as Susan Barnes * [[w:Terry Kinney|Terry Kinney]] as David Alden * [[w:Holter Graham|Holter Graham]] as Barry Stickland * [[w:Jeremy Ratchford|Jeremy Ratchford]] as Glen Seifert * Deborah Verginella as Aliane Alden * [[w:Michael J. Reynolds (actor)|Michael J. Reynolds]] as General Hatfield * [[w:David Hemblem|David Hemblen]] as Dr. Killian * Ken James as Developer * Nora Ballard as Jackie * Sarena Paton as Laura * Chris Benson as Farmer * [[w:Gladys O'Connor|Gladys O'Connor]] as Farm Woman ==External links== {{Wikipedia|Fly Away Home}} * {{IMDb title|id=0116329|title=Fly Away Home}} [[Category:1996 films]] [[Category:1990s American films]] [[Category:1990s Canadian films]] [[Category:Adventure films]] [[Category:Airplane films]] [[Category:Comedy-drama films]] [[Category:Films set in Canada]] [[Category:Films set in Maryland]] [[Category:Films set in New York (state)]] [[Category:Films set in New Zealand]] [[Category:Films set in Pennsylvania]] [[Category:Films set in North Carolina]] [[Category:Films set in Virginia]] [[Category:Films about birds]] [[Category:Films about father–daughter relationships]] nz8vs9nekvaycsa6cp0j6ax9nl2k4ag 3779001 3778999 2025-07-15T02:37:03Z 174.197.194.167 3779001 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Fly Away Home|Fly Away Home]]''''' is a [[1996]] American-Canadian family adventure drama film that tells a story of 16 orphaned Canada geese who are taken in by Amy Alden and her inventor father, Thomas Alden. With the geese grown up, the Aldens lead a migration down the continent. :'''Directed by [[w:Carroll Ballard|Carroll Ballard]]; Written by [[w:Robert Rodat|Robert Rodat]] and Vince McKewin; Produced by [[w:Carol Baum|Carol Baum]]; Based on the book "Father Goose: One Man, a Gaggle of Geese, and Their Real Life Incredible Journey South" by [[w:Bill Lishman|Bill Lishman]]'' {{center|'''A family of orphaned geese who lost their way. A 14-year-old kid who will lead them home.'''<small></small>}} ==Thomas Alden== * ''[running out of the house in his underwear]'' GET OUT OF HERE!!! What do you think you're doing?! Hey! What do you think you're doing, huh?! Hey! We haven't had the meeting yet! We haven't voted! You're totally illegal! ''[sighs in frustration and lets out a furious scream]'' I'm gonna get a lawyer and sue your ass! * By destroying the marsh, they've accomplished their objective which is, there's nothing left to save. I mean, it's a done deal. And it's an outrage! There are laws against this kind of thing, and I, for one, want to know who amongst you is going to enforce them? ==Amy Alden== * Dad, look! They're really flying with me! * Hello, Papa Goose! This is so cool! * ''[screaming in the shower after a lotion malfunction]'' GET OOOUUUUTT!!! Get out!! GET OUT!!! ==Dialogue== :''[Amy is resting in the hospital bed with her father sleeping beside her]'' :'''Thomas Alden''': Amy? It's Dad. :'''Amy Alden''': Dad? Why are you here? :'''Thomas Alden''': I came down from Canada. I've come to take you home. :'''Amy Alden''': What do you mean? :'''Thomas Alden''': Well, I mean... :'''Amy Alden''': Where's Mum? Tell me, Mum died, didn't she? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amy Alden''': Excuse me, sir, please leave him alone. :'''Glen Seifert''': Your name's Amy, isn't it? Well, Amy, these geese belong to the Crown. :'''Amy Alden''': What crown? :'''Glen Seifert''': That's the Queen of England. :'''Thomas Alden''': Pinioning? :'''Susan Barnes''': I have no idea. :'''Glen Seifert''': She made rules for us to follow. It's for the good of the goose, it's for the good of the people. Now what you do is you take the wing and you just shave a bit off the cuticle here-- ''[prepares to cut the tip off Igor's wing with a fingernail clipper]'' :'''Amy Alden''': ''[utterly enraged]'' WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! ''[shoots up from her chair and hits Seifert on the head repeatedly with a bowl of popcorn]'' STOP IT!! STOP IT!! STOP IT!! STOP IT!! :'''Thomas Alden''': ''[indignantly grabs Seifert and hauls him to the door]'' What the hell are you doing?! ''[Susan grabs Igor from Seifert's hand while Amy takes the flock in the bathroom]'' :'''Susan Barnes''': Watch out! :'''Glen Seifert''': Jeez! What are you doing?! :'''Thomas Alden''': ''[throws Seifert down the stairs]'' What the hell do you think you're doing, huh?! :'''Glen Seifert''': What is wrong with you? I'm trying to help! What happens when your birds start to fly? What happens in two months when they start to migrate? They're gonna end up zapped in power lines or dead on the highway, except-- :'''Thomas Alden''': ''[shoves Seifert by force]'' GET OFF MY LAND!! :'''Glen Seifert''': LISTEN TO ME!! Your birds could be carrying parasites and disease! If they infect while they want-- :'''Thomas Alden''': STAY OFF OF MY PLACE!!! :'''Glen Seifert''': Your birds are gonna get clipped, no matter what! If your birds fly, I'm gonna have to confiscate them! ==Cast== * [[w:Jeff Daniels|Jeff Daniels]] as Thomas Alden * [[w:Anna Paquin|Anna Paquin]] as Amy Alden * [[w:Dana Delany|Dana Delany]] as Susan Barnes * [[w:Terry Kinney|Terry Kinney]] as David Alden * [[w:Holter Graham|Holter Graham]] as Barry Stickland * [[w:Jeremy Ratchford|Jeremy Ratchford]] as Glen Seifert * Deborah Verginella as Aliane Alden * [[w:Michael J. Reynolds (actor)|Michael J. Reynolds]] as General Hatfield * [[w:David Hemblem|David Hemblen]] as Dr. Killian * Ken James as Developer * Nora Ballard as Jackie * Sarena Paton as Laura * Chris Benson as Farmer * [[w:Gladys O'Connor|Gladys O'Connor]] as Farm Woman ==External links== {{Wikipedia|Fly Away Home}} * {{IMDb title|id=0116329|title=Fly Away Home}} [[Category:1996 films]] [[Category:1990s American films]] [[Category:1990s Canadian films]] [[Category:Adventure films]] [[Category:Airplane films]] [[Category:Comedy-drama films]] [[Category:Films set in Canada]] [[Category:Films set in Maryland]] [[Category:Films set in New York (state)]] [[Category:Films set in New Zealand]] [[Category:Films set in Pennsylvania]] [[Category:Films set in North Carolina]] [[Category:Films set in Virginia]] [[Category:Films about birds]] [[Category:Films about father–daughter relationships]] t7mlj9rzz40evbcjbrvyb03o9y2q7w3 3779002 3779001 2025-07-15T02:37:25Z 174.197.194.167 3779002 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Fly Away Home|Fly Away Home]]''''' is a [[1996]] American-Canadian family adventure drama film that tells a story of 16 orphaned Canada geese who are taken in by Amy Alden and her inventor father, Thomas Alden. With the geese grown up, the Aldens lead a migration down the continent. :''Directed by [[w:Carroll Ballard|Carroll Ballard]]; Written by [[w:Robert Rodat|Robert Rodat]] and Vince McKewin; Produced by [[w:Carol Baum|Carol Baum]]; Based on the book "Father Goose: One Man, a Gaggle of Geese, and Their Real Life Incredible Journey South" by [[w:Bill Lishman|Bill Lishman]]'' {{center|'''A family of orphaned geese who lost their way. A 14-year-old kid who will lead them home.'''<small></small>}} ==Thomas Alden== * ''[running out of the house in his underwear]'' GET OUT OF HERE!!! What do you think you're doing?! Hey! What do you think you're doing, huh?! Hey! We haven't had the meeting yet! We haven't voted! You're totally illegal! ''[sighs in frustration and lets out a furious scream]'' I'm gonna get a lawyer and sue your ass! * By destroying the marsh, they've accomplished their objective which is, there's nothing left to save. I mean, it's a done deal. And it's an outrage! There are laws against this kind of thing, and I, for one, want to know who amongst you is going to enforce them? ==Amy Alden== * Dad, look! They're really flying with me! * Hello, Papa Goose! This is so cool! * ''[screaming in the shower after a lotion malfunction]'' GET OOOUUUUTT!!! Get out!! GET OUT!!! ==Dialogue== :''[Amy is resting in the hospital bed with her father sleeping beside her]'' :'''Thomas Alden''': Amy? It's Dad. :'''Amy Alden''': Dad? Why are you here? :'''Thomas Alden''': I came down from Canada. I've come to take you home. :'''Amy Alden''': What do you mean? :'''Thomas Alden''': Well, I mean... :'''Amy Alden''': Where's Mum? Tell me, Mum died, didn't she? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amy Alden''': Excuse me, sir, please leave him alone. :'''Glen Seifert''': Your name's Amy, isn't it? Well, Amy, these geese belong to the Crown. :'''Amy Alden''': What crown? :'''Glen Seifert''': That's the Queen of England. :'''Thomas Alden''': Pinioning? :'''Susan Barnes''': I have no idea. :'''Glen Seifert''': She made rules for us to follow. It's for the good of the goose, it's for the good of the people. Now what you do is you take the wing and you just shave a bit off the cuticle here-- ''[prepares to cut the tip off Igor's wing with a fingernail clipper]'' :'''Amy Alden''': ''[utterly enraged]'' WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! ''[shoots up from her chair and hits Seifert on the head repeatedly with a bowl of popcorn]'' STOP IT!! STOP IT!! STOP IT!! STOP IT!! :'''Thomas Alden''': ''[indignantly grabs Seifert and hauls him to the door]'' What the hell are you doing?! ''[Susan grabs Igor from Seifert's hand while Amy takes the flock in the bathroom]'' :'''Susan Barnes''': Watch out! :'''Glen Seifert''': Jeez! What are you doing?! :'''Thomas Alden''': ''[throws Seifert down the stairs]'' What the hell do you think you're doing, huh?! :'''Glen Seifert''': What is wrong with you? I'm trying to help! What happens when your birds start to fly? What happens in two months when they start to migrate? They're gonna end up zapped in power lines or dead on the highway, except-- :'''Thomas Alden''': ''[shoves Seifert by force]'' GET OFF MY LAND!! :'''Glen Seifert''': LISTEN TO ME!! Your birds could be carrying parasites and disease! If they infect while they want-- :'''Thomas Alden''': STAY OFF OF MY PLACE!!! :'''Glen Seifert''': Your birds are gonna get clipped, no matter what! If your birds fly, I'm gonna have to confiscate them! ==Cast== * [[w:Jeff Daniels|Jeff Daniels]] as Thomas Alden * [[w:Anna Paquin|Anna Paquin]] as Amy Alden * [[w:Dana Delany|Dana Delany]] as Susan Barnes * [[w:Terry Kinney|Terry Kinney]] as David Alden * [[w:Holter Graham|Holter Graham]] as Barry Stickland * [[w:Jeremy Ratchford|Jeremy Ratchford]] as Glen Seifert * Deborah Verginella as Aliane Alden * [[w:Michael J. Reynolds (actor)|Michael J. Reynolds]] as General Hatfield * [[w:David Hemblem|David Hemblen]] as Dr. Killian * Ken James as Developer * Nora Ballard as Jackie * Sarena Paton as Laura * Chris Benson as Farmer * [[w:Gladys O'Connor|Gladys O'Connor]] as Farm Woman ==External links== {{Wikipedia|Fly Away Home}} * {{IMDb title|id=0116329|title=Fly Away Home}} [[Category:1996 films]] [[Category:1990s American films]] [[Category:1990s Canadian films]] [[Category:Adventure films]] [[Category:Airplane films]] [[Category:Comedy-drama films]] [[Category:Films set in Canada]] [[Category:Films set in Maryland]] [[Category:Films set in New York (state)]] [[Category:Films set in New Zealand]] [[Category:Films set in Pennsylvania]] [[Category:Films set in North Carolina]] [[Category:Films set in Virginia]] [[Category:Films about birds]] [[Category:Films about father–daughter relationships]] 4d5kfgbnk6ydoox1stzig38ukn5kf1x 3779004 3779002 2025-07-15T02:38:03Z 174.197.194.167 /* Thomas Alden */ 3779004 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Fly Away Home|Fly Away Home]]''''' is a [[1996]] American-Canadian family adventure drama film that tells a story of 16 orphaned Canada geese who are taken in by Amy Alden and her inventor father, Thomas Alden. With the geese grown up, the Aldens lead a migration down the continent. :''Directed by [[w:Carroll Ballard|Carroll Ballard]]; Written by [[w:Robert Rodat|Robert Rodat]] and Vince McKewin; Produced by [[w:Carol Baum|Carol Baum]]; Based on the book "Father Goose: One Man, a Gaggle of Geese, and Their Real Life Incredible Journey South" by [[w:Bill Lishman|Bill Lishman]]'' {{center|'''A family of orphaned geese who lost their way. A 14-year-old kid who will lead them home.'''<small></small>}} ==Thomas Alden== * ''[running out of the house in his underwear as construction workers are wrecking a nearby marsh]'' GET OUT OF HERE!!! What do you think you're doing?! Hey! What do you think you're doing, huh?! Hey! We haven't had the meeting yet! We haven't voted! You're totally illegal! ''[sighs in frustration and lets out a furious scream]'' I'm gonna get a lawyer and sue your ass! * By destroying the marsh, they've accomplished their objective which is, there's nothing left to save. I mean, it's a done deal. And it's an outrage! There are laws against this kind of thing, and I, for one, want to know who amongst you is going to enforce them? ==Amy Alden== * Dad, look! They're really flying with me! * Hello, Papa Goose! This is so cool! * ''[screaming in the shower after a lotion malfunction]'' GET OOOUUUUTT!!! Get out!! GET OUT!!! ==Dialogue== :''[Amy is resting in the hospital bed with her father sleeping beside her]'' :'''Thomas Alden''': Amy? It's Dad. :'''Amy Alden''': Dad? Why are you here? :'''Thomas Alden''': I came down from Canada. I've come to take you home. :'''Amy Alden''': What do you mean? :'''Thomas Alden''': Well, I mean... :'''Amy Alden''': Where's Mum? Tell me, Mum died, didn't she? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amy Alden''': Excuse me, sir, please leave him alone. :'''Glen Seifert''': Your name's Amy, isn't it? Well, Amy, these geese belong to the Crown. :'''Amy Alden''': What crown? :'''Glen Seifert''': That's the Queen of England. :'''Thomas Alden''': Pinioning? :'''Susan Barnes''': I have no idea. :'''Glen Seifert''': She made rules for us to follow. It's for the good of the goose, it's for the good of the people. Now what you do is you take the wing and you just shave a bit off the cuticle here-- ''[prepares to cut the tip off Igor's wing with a fingernail clipper]'' :'''Amy Alden''': ''[utterly enraged]'' WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! ''[shoots up from her chair and hits Seifert on the head repeatedly with a bowl of popcorn]'' STOP IT!! STOP IT!! STOP IT!! STOP IT!! :'''Thomas Alden''': ''[indignantly grabs Seifert and hauls him to the door]'' What the hell are you doing?! ''[Susan grabs Igor from Seifert's hand while Amy takes the flock in the bathroom]'' :'''Susan Barnes''': Watch out! :'''Glen Seifert''': Jeez! What are you doing?! :'''Thomas Alden''': ''[throws Seifert down the stairs]'' What the hell do you think you're doing, huh?! :'''Glen Seifert''': What is wrong with you? I'm trying to help! What happens when your birds start to fly? What happens in two months when they start to migrate? They're gonna end up zapped in power lines or dead on the highway, except-- :'''Thomas Alden''': ''[shoves Seifert by force]'' GET OFF MY LAND!! :'''Glen Seifert''': LISTEN TO ME!! Your birds could be carrying parasites and disease! If they infect while they want-- :'''Thomas Alden''': STAY OFF OF MY PLACE!!! :'''Glen Seifert''': Your birds are gonna get clipped, no matter what! If your birds fly, I'm gonna have to confiscate them! ==Cast== * [[w:Jeff Daniels|Jeff Daniels]] as Thomas Alden * [[w:Anna Paquin|Anna Paquin]] as Amy Alden * [[w:Dana Delany|Dana Delany]] as Susan Barnes * [[w:Terry Kinney|Terry Kinney]] as David Alden * [[w:Holter Graham|Holter Graham]] as Barry Stickland * [[w:Jeremy Ratchford|Jeremy Ratchford]] as Glen Seifert * Deborah Verginella as Aliane Alden * [[w:Michael J. Reynolds (actor)|Michael J. Reynolds]] as General Hatfield * [[w:David Hemblem|David Hemblen]] as Dr. Killian * Ken James as Developer * Nora Ballard as Jackie * Sarena Paton as Laura * Chris Benson as Farmer * [[w:Gladys O'Connor|Gladys O'Connor]] as Farm Woman ==External links== {{Wikipedia|Fly Away Home}} * {{IMDb title|id=0116329|title=Fly Away Home}} [[Category:1996 films]] [[Category:1990s American films]] [[Category:1990s Canadian films]] [[Category:Adventure films]] [[Category:Airplane films]] [[Category:Comedy-drama films]] [[Category:Films set in Canada]] [[Category:Films set in Maryland]] [[Category:Films set in New York (state)]] [[Category:Films set in New Zealand]] [[Category:Films set in Pennsylvania]] [[Category:Films set in North Carolina]] [[Category:Films set in Virginia]] [[Category:Films about birds]] [[Category:Films about father–daughter relationships]] 5jt0lgrakl7wjporm5hisg7wbbh0sjo 3779005 3779004 2025-07-15T02:38:31Z 174.197.194.167 /* Thomas Alden */ 3779005 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Fly Away Home|Fly Away Home]]''''' is a [[1996]] American-Canadian family adventure drama film that tells a story of 16 orphaned Canada geese who are taken in by Amy Alden and her inventor father, Thomas Alden. With the geese grown up, the Aldens lead a migration down the continent. :''Directed by [[w:Carroll Ballard|Carroll Ballard]]; Written by [[w:Robert Rodat|Robert Rodat]] and Vince McKewin; Produced by [[w:Carol Baum|Carol Baum]]; Based on the book "Father Goose: One Man, a Gaggle of Geese, and Their Real Life Incredible Journey South" by [[w:Bill Lishman|Bill Lishman]]'' {{center|'''A family of orphaned geese who lost their way. A 14-year-old kid who will lead them home.'''<small></small>}} ==Thomas Alden== * ''[running out of the house in his underwear as construction workers are wrecking a nearby marsh]'' GET OUT OF HERE!!! What do you think you're doing?! Hey! What do you think you're doing, huh?! Hey! We haven't had the meeting yet! We haven't voted! You're totally illegal! ''[sighs in frustration and lets out a furious scream]'' I'm gonna get a lawyer and sue your ass! * By destroying the marsh, they've broken the law and accomplished their objective which is, there's nothing left to save. I mean, it's a done deal. And it's an outrage! There are laws against this kind of thing, and I, for one, want to know who amongst you is going to enforce them? ==Amy Alden== * Dad, look! They're really flying with me! * Hello, Papa Goose! This is so cool! * ''[screaming in the shower after a lotion malfunction]'' GET OOOUUUUTT!!! Get out!! GET OUT!!! ==Dialogue== :''[Amy is resting in the hospital bed with her father sleeping beside her]'' :'''Thomas Alden''': Amy? It's Dad. :'''Amy Alden''': Dad? Why are you here? :'''Thomas Alden''': I came down from Canada. I've come to take you home. :'''Amy Alden''': What do you mean? :'''Thomas Alden''': Well, I mean... :'''Amy Alden''': Where's Mum? Tell me, Mum died, didn't she? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amy Alden''': Excuse me, sir, please leave him alone. :'''Glen Seifert''': Your name's Amy, isn't it? Well, Amy, these geese belong to the Crown. :'''Amy Alden''': What crown? :'''Glen Seifert''': That's the Queen of England. :'''Thomas Alden''': Pinioning? :'''Susan Barnes''': I have no idea. :'''Glen Seifert''': She made rules for us to follow. It's for the good of the goose, it's for the good of the people. Now what you do is you take the wing and you just shave a bit off the cuticle here-- ''[prepares to cut the tip off Igor's wing with a fingernail clipper]'' :'''Amy Alden''': ''[utterly enraged]'' WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! ''[shoots up from her chair and hits Seifert on the head repeatedly with a bowl of popcorn]'' STOP IT!! STOP IT!! STOP IT!! STOP IT!! :'''Thomas Alden''': ''[indignantly grabs Seifert and hauls him to the door]'' What the hell are you doing?! ''[Susan grabs Igor from Seifert's hand while Amy takes the flock in the bathroom]'' :'''Susan Barnes''': Watch out! :'''Glen Seifert''': Jeez! What are you doing?! :'''Thomas Alden''': ''[throws Seifert down the stairs]'' What the hell do you think you're doing, huh?! :'''Glen Seifert''': What is wrong with you? I'm trying to help! What happens when your birds start to fly? What happens in two months when they start to migrate? They're gonna end up zapped in power lines or dead on the highway, except-- :'''Thomas Alden''': ''[shoves Seifert by force]'' GET OFF MY LAND!! :'''Glen Seifert''': LISTEN TO ME!! Your birds could be carrying parasites and disease! If they infect while they want-- :'''Thomas Alden''': STAY OFF OF MY PLACE!!! :'''Glen Seifert''': Your birds are gonna get clipped, no matter what! If your birds fly, I'm gonna have to confiscate them! ==Cast== * [[w:Jeff Daniels|Jeff Daniels]] as Thomas Alden * [[w:Anna Paquin|Anna Paquin]] as Amy Alden * [[w:Dana Delany|Dana Delany]] as Susan Barnes * [[w:Terry Kinney|Terry Kinney]] as David Alden * [[w:Holter Graham|Holter Graham]] as Barry Stickland * [[w:Jeremy Ratchford|Jeremy Ratchford]] as Glen Seifert * Deborah Verginella as Aliane Alden * [[w:Michael J. Reynolds (actor)|Michael J. Reynolds]] as General Hatfield * [[w:David Hemblem|David Hemblen]] as Dr. Killian * Ken James as Developer * Nora Ballard as Jackie * Sarena Paton as Laura * Chris Benson as Farmer * [[w:Gladys O'Connor|Gladys O'Connor]] as Farm Woman ==External links== {{Wikipedia|Fly Away Home}} * {{IMDb title|id=0116329|title=Fly Away Home}} [[Category:1996 films]] [[Category:1990s American films]] [[Category:1990s Canadian films]] [[Category:Adventure films]] [[Category:Airplane films]] [[Category:Comedy-drama films]] [[Category:Films set in Canada]] [[Category:Films set in Maryland]] [[Category:Films set in New York (state)]] [[Category:Films set in New Zealand]] [[Category:Films set in Pennsylvania]] [[Category:Films set in North Carolina]] [[Category:Films set in Virginia]] [[Category:Films about birds]] [[Category:Films about father–daughter relationships]] o7zyda0gehtuk5ishvh2k4o69onn61e 3779007 3779005 2025-07-15T02:39:00Z 174.197.194.167 /* Thomas Alden */ 3779007 wikitext text/x-wiki {{italic title}} '''''[[w:Fly Away Home|Fly Away Home]]''''' is a [[1996]] American-Canadian family adventure drama film that tells a story of 16 orphaned Canada geese who are taken in by Amy Alden and her inventor father, Thomas Alden. With the geese grown up, the Aldens lead a migration down the continent. :''Directed by [[w:Carroll Ballard|Carroll Ballard]]; Written by [[w:Robert Rodat|Robert Rodat]] and Vince McKewin; Produced by [[w:Carol Baum|Carol Baum]]; Based on the book "Father Goose: One Man, a Gaggle of Geese, and Their Real Life Incredible Journey South" by [[w:Bill Lishman|Bill Lishman]]'' {{center|'''A family of orphaned geese who lost their way. A 14-year-old kid who will lead them home.'''<small></small>}} ==Thomas Alden== * ''[running out of the house in his underwear as construction workers are wrecking a nearby marsh]'' GET OUT OF HERE!!! What do you think you're doing?! Hey! What do you think you're doing, huh?! Hey! You don't have a permit! We haven't had the meeting yet! We haven't voted! You're totally illegal! ''[sighs in frustration and lets out a furious scream]'' I'm gonna get a lawyer and sue your ass! * By destroying the marsh, they've broken the law and accomplished their objective which is, there's nothing left to save. I mean, it's a done deal. And it's an outrage! There are laws against this kind of thing, and I, for one, want to know who amongst you is going to enforce them? ==Amy Alden== * Dad, look! They're really flying with me! * Hello, Papa Goose! This is so cool! * ''[screaming in the shower after a lotion malfunction]'' GET OOOUUUUTT!!! Get out!! GET OUT!!! ==Dialogue== :''[Amy is resting in the hospital bed with her father sleeping beside her]'' :'''Thomas Alden''': Amy? It's Dad. :'''Amy Alden''': Dad? Why are you here? :'''Thomas Alden''': I came down from Canada. I've come to take you home. :'''Amy Alden''': What do you mean? :'''Thomas Alden''': Well, I mean... :'''Amy Alden''': Where's Mum? Tell me, Mum died, didn't she? <hr width="50%"/> :'''Amy Alden''': Excuse me, sir, please leave him alone. :'''Glen Seifert''': Your name's Amy, isn't it? Well, Amy, these geese belong to the Crown. :'''Amy Alden''': What crown? :'''Glen Seifert''': That's the Queen of England. :'''Thomas Alden''': Pinioning? :'''Susan Barnes''': I have no idea. :'''Glen Seifert''': She made rules for us to follow. It's for the good of the goose, it's for the good of the people. Now what you do is you take the wing and you just shave a bit off the cuticle here-- ''[prepares to cut the tip off Igor's wing with a fingernail clipper]'' :'''Amy Alden''': ''[utterly enraged]'' WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! ''[shoots up from her chair and hits Seifert on the head repeatedly with a bowl of popcorn]'' STOP IT!! STOP IT!! STOP IT!! STOP IT!! :'''Thomas Alden''': ''[indignantly grabs Seifert and hauls him to the door]'' What the hell are you doing?! ''[Susan grabs Igor from Seifert's hand while Amy takes the flock in the bathroom]'' :'''Susan Barnes''': Watch out! :'''Glen Seifert''': Jeez! What are you doing?! :'''Thomas Alden''': ''[throws Seifert down the stairs]'' What the hell do you think you're doing, huh?! :'''Glen Seifert''': What is wrong with you? I'm trying to help! What happens when your birds start to fly? What happens in two months when they start to migrate? They're gonna end up zapped in power lines or dead on the highway, except-- :'''Thomas Alden''': ''[shoves Seifert by force]'' GET OFF MY LAND!! :'''Glen Seifert''': LISTEN TO ME!! Your birds could be carrying parasites and disease! If they infect while they want-- :'''Thomas Alden''': STAY OFF OF MY PLACE!!! :'''Glen Seifert''': Your birds are gonna get clipped, no matter what! If your birds fly, I'm gonna have to confiscate them! ==Cast== * [[w:Jeff Daniels|Jeff Daniels]] as Thomas Alden * [[w:Anna Paquin|Anna Paquin]] as Amy Alden * [[w:Dana Delany|Dana Delany]] as Susan Barnes * [[w:Terry Kinney|Terry Kinney]] as David Alden * [[w:Holter Graham|Holter Graham]] as Barry Stickland * [[w:Jeremy Ratchford|Jeremy Ratchford]] as Glen Seifert * Deborah Verginella as Aliane Alden * [[w:Michael J. Reynolds (actor)|Michael J. Reynolds]] as General Hatfield * [[w:David Hemblem|David Hemblen]] as Dr. Killian * Ken James as Developer * Nora Ballard as Jackie * Sarena Paton as Laura * Chris Benson as Farmer * [[w:Gladys O'Connor|Gladys O'Connor]] as Farm Woman ==External links== {{Wikipedia|Fly Away Home}} * {{IMDb title|id=0116329|title=Fly Away Home}} [[Category:1996 films]] [[Category:1990s American films]] [[Category:1990s Canadian films]] [[Category:Adventure films]] [[Category:Airplane films]] [[Category:Comedy-drama films]] [[Category:Films set in Canada]] [[Category:Films set in Maryland]] [[Category:Films set in New York (state)]] [[Category:Films set in New Zealand]] [[Category:Films set in Pennsylvania]] [[Category:Films set in North Carolina]] [[Category:Films set in Virginia]] [[Category:Films about birds]] [[Category:Films about father–daughter relationships]] lud51d1r2ayaiq1t123onoffinvya62 0 293438 3778997 2025-07-15T02:35:17Z Ficaia 3085955 Created page with "[[File:Henrietta Georgiana Marcia Lascelles Iremonger (1806–1876), Lady Chatterton (Mrs Edward Heneage Dering) (after Richard Buckner) NTII BDCL 63440.jpg|thumb|]] [[w:Georgiana Chatterton|'''Georgiana, Lady Chatterton''']] (née '''Iremonger''', later '''Mrs Dering'''; 11 November 1806 – 6 February 1876) was an English aristocrat, traveller, and author. == Quotes == * The English have not by nature sufficient sociability in their dispositions to do without a visib..." 3778997 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Henrietta Georgiana Marcia Lascelles Iremonger (1806–1876), Lady Chatterton (Mrs Edward Heneage Dering) (after Richard Buckner) NTII BDCL 63440.jpg|thumb|]] [[w:Georgiana Chatterton|'''Georgiana, Lady Chatterton''']] (née '''Iremonger''', later '''Mrs Dering'''; 11 November 1806 – 6 February 1876) was an English aristocrat, traveller, and author. == Quotes == * The English have not by nature sufficient sociability in their dispositions to do without a visible fire. A cheerful blaze is necessary to thaw their innate shyness and reserve, and to form a central point of union. ... They cannot converse comfortably with their hands unemployed. Some excuse must be found for idleness; some reason for being in one part of the room in preference to another. The slightest appearance of formality terrifies them beyond measure, because it reminds them of their own defects. The same principle which makes a burnt child dread the fire, causes them to cling to it as an antidote. All manner of contrivances axe employed to break the bug-bear ''form''. In summer, ottomans, albums, and windows, supply in some measure the loss of the darling fire, and enable English men and women to try and talk to each other. ** ''Home Sketches and Foreign Recollections'' (London: Saunders and Otley, 1841) vol. 3 ch. 8 (pp. 156–7)<!--Quoted in Paul Langford, ''Englishness Identified: Manners and Character, 1650–1850'' (Oxford University Press, 2000) pp. 190–91--> === ''The Heiress and Her Lovers'' (1863) === :<small>'''3 vols. London: Richard Bentley'''</small> * In [[Ireland]], all is either brilliant sunshine or dark shadow, and its scenery, its skies, and the countenances of its genuine sons, are all either smiles or tears. ** Vol. 1 ch. 1 (p. 2) ==== Translations ==== <!--Each chapter is represented by a different classical epigraph, apparently translated by the author--> * &nbsp;&nbsp; The black-winged Erinnys <br> Will never enter those homes where the hands are lifted up in prayer, <br> And the gods have accepted their offerings. ** Title page ([[Aeschylus|Æschylus]]) * Moderation, the noblest gift of heaven. ** Vol. 2 ch. 1 ([[Euripides]], Medea loq.)<!--Same translation used in ''Bartlett's'', 9th ed. (1892)--> * &nbsp;&nbsp; Now there are many pleasures in life, <br> Long conversations, and [[leisure]], that delightful evil. ** Vol. 2 ch. 1 (Euripides, Phædra loq.) * But in the good there is every kind of wisdom. ** Vol. 2 ch. 3 (Euripides) * Trouble adds toil to grief. ** Vol. 2 ch. 9 ([[Sophocles]]) == External links == {{Wikipedia}} [[Category:1806 births]] [[Category:1876 deaths]] [[Category:Novelists from England]] [[Category:Short story writers from England]] [[Category:Travel writers]] [[Category:Catholics from England]] [[Category:Women authors]] [[Category:Women from England]] 4ntlyxevr054k9ttkx0cwtp0k7178n0 3779000 3778997 2025-07-15T02:36:56Z Ficaia 3085955 /* Quotes */ 3779000 wikitext text/x-wiki [[File:Henrietta Georgiana Marcia Lascelles Iremonger (1806–1876), Lady Chatterton (Mrs Edward Heneage Dering) (after Richard Buckner) NTII BDCL 63440.jpg|thumb|]] [[w:Georgiana Chatterton|'''Georgiana, Lady Chatterton''']] (née '''Iremonger''', later '''Mrs Dering'''; 11 November 1806 – 6 February 1876) was an English aristocrat, traveller, and author. == Quotes == * The English have not by nature sufficient sociability in their dispositions to do without a visible fire. A cheerful blaze is necessary to thaw their innate shyness and reserve, and to form a central point of union. ... They cannot converse comfortably with their hands unemployed. Some excuse must be found for idleness; some reason for being in one part of the room in preference to another. The slightest appearance of formality terrifies them beyond measure, because it reminds them of their own defects. The same principle which makes a burnt child dread the fire, causes them to cling to it as an antidote. All manner of contrivances are employed to break the bug-bear ''form''. In summer, ottomans, albums, and windows, supply in some measure the loss of the darling fire, and enable English men and women to try and talk to each other. ** ''Home Sketches and Foreign Recollections'' (London: Saunders and Otley, 1841) vol. 3 ch. 8 (pp. 156–7)<!--Quoted in Paul Langford, ''Englishness Identified: Manners and Character, 1650–1850'' (Oxford University Press, 2000) pp. 190–91--> === ''The Heiress and Her Lovers'' (1863) === :<small>'''3 vols. London: Richard Bentley'''</small> * In [[Ireland]], all is either brilliant sunshine or dark shadow, and its scenery, its skies, and the countenances of its genuine sons, are all either smiles or tears. ** Vol. 1 ch. 1 (p. 2) ==== Translations ==== <!--Each chapter is represented by a different classical epigraph, apparently translated by the author--> * &nbsp;&nbsp; The black-winged Erinnys <br> Will never enter those homes where the hands are lifted up in prayer, <br> And the gods have accepted their offerings. ** Title page ([[Aeschylus|Æschylus]]) * Moderation, the noblest gift of heaven. ** Vol. 2 ch. 1 ([[Euripides]], Medea loq.)<!--Same translation used in ''Bartlett's'', 9th ed. (1892)--> * &nbsp;&nbsp; Now there are many pleasures in life, <br> Long conversations, and [[leisure]], that delightful evil. ** Vol. 2 ch. 1 (Euripides, Phædra loq.) * But in the good there is every kind of wisdom. ** Vol. 2 ch. 3 (Euripides) * Trouble adds toil to grief. ** Vol. 2 ch. 9 ([[Sophocles]]) == External links == {{Wikipedia}} [[Category:1806 births]] [[Category:1876 deaths]] [[Category:Novelists from England]] [[Category:Short story writers from England]] [[Category:Travel writers]] [[Category:Catholics from England]] [[Category:Women authors]] [[Category:Women from England]] grv964sgopi4orv0j0wcieb121542tu 0 293441 3779025 2025-07-15T04:40:47Z Daniel Case 17015 start translating Polish page 3779025 wikitext text/x-wiki '''[[w:German AB–Aktion in Poland|Aktion A-B]]''' is the informal name for what German forces occupying Poland's [[w:General Government|General Government]], the portion of the prewar state unannexed by either Germany or the USSR following their [[w:Invasion of Poland|1939 joint invasion of Poland]], called Operation {{lang|de|Außerordentliche Befriedungsaktion}} ("Extraordinary Pacification"). In May 1940, to preemptively prevent a Polish resistance uprising during the [[w:Battle of France|invasion of France]], officers from every German police and security agency with members stationed in Poland arrested 6,500 Polish intellectuals, artists, landowners, businesspeople, politicians and others who could possibly lead resistance actions and executed most of them; the rest were sent to concentration camps where many later died. * On 14 June 1940, 20 people left "in a transport" guarded—it was said—by twice as many Germans, armed to the teeth. The chroniclers of [[w:Pawiak|Pawiak]] do not record this separately, but rather as part of the next, larger deportation. My mother and I despairingly speculated as to where these two terrible "kennels" had gone. Pawiak had not yet heard the name "[[w:Palmiry massacre|Palmiry]]". The regular shots coming from the clearing there eventually attracted the attention of the foresters, and from them — through secret newspapers — Pawiak learned of Palmiry. Two days of hell began on 20 June. Bolts slammed, long lists of names were called into our cells, and maybe three of us were left from the original dozen. The next day, [[w:Mieczysław Niedziałkowski|Mieczysław Niedziałkowski]] was dragged out (...) Everyone on the long lists was taken to the "transport", about 400 people at that time. They were led under the arms of [[w:Maciej Rataj|Maciej Rataj]], sick, unfit, battered people dragged from their cells, too weak to walk to the truck. The "kennels", filled with SS men and escorted by heavily armed German vehicles, turned right after they left the gate. Pawiak had its ideas about where they were going. The prison was a lot emptier but — as always — not for long. ** Tadeusz Drewnowski, ''The Destruction of the Polish Elite: Operation AB to Katyn'', p.64 [[Category:20th century in Poland]] 1i7w5xckp7bfs29vgm7o4qvujvqspmj 0 293442 3779058 2025-07-15T10:02:01Z Actionbronson89 3224916 First version of Giorgio Fazio page, based on verified sources 3779058 wikitext text/x-wiki == Giorgio Fazio == '''Giorgio Fazio''' (born June 9, 1989, in Catania, Italy) is an Italian Creative Director and musician based in Switzerland since 2014. After years of working behind the scenes shaping visuals and sonic identities for brands, he debuted as an electronic music artist in 2025 with “No One Should Ever Die.” His work blends emotional soundscapes, field recordings, and textured experimentation. === Quotes === * “I chose this as my first release because it’s the most personal, dedicated to someone who’s no longer here. Through its melodies and textures, I aim to evoke memories, weaving nostalgia and melancholy into the sound.” : — Interview with Obscure Sound, March 2025 [https://www.obscuresound.com/2025/03/giorgio-fazio-no-one-should-ever-die/] * “I never had formal training, but I’ve always been obsessed with sound, breaking it apart, manipulating it, and understanding how textures can tell a story.” : — Interview with Illustrate Magazine, March 2025 [https://illustratemagazine.com/exclusive-interview-with-giorgio-fazio/] * “Music introduced me to a world where sound could be as expressive as voice.” : — Interview with Mesmerized, March 2025 [https://www.mesmerized.io/giorgio-fazio-music-introduced-me-to-a-world-where-sound-could-be-as-expressive-as-voice/] * “I want people to feel immersed, like they’re stepping into a different space emotionally and sonically.” : — Interview with Plastic Magazine, March 2025 [https://plasticmag.co.uk/2025/03/interview-giorgio-fazio-shares-debut-single/] === External links === * [https://giorgiofazio.com Official website] * [https://open.spotify.com/artist/... Spotify profile] * [https://www.instagram.com/giorgiofazio Instagram] * [https://www.obscuresound.com/2025/03/giorgio-fazio-no-one-should-ever-die/ Article on Obscure Sound] * [https://illustratemagazine.com/exclusive-interview-with-giorgio-fazio/ Interview on Illustrate Magazine] * [https://plasticmag.co.uk/2025/03/interview-giorgio-fazio-shares-debut-single/ Interview on Plastic Magazine] * [https://www.mesmerized.io/giorgio-fazio-music-introduced-me-to-a-world-where-sound-could-be-as-expressive-as-voice/ Interview on Mesmerized] fuhiqyqjhl1iwdyo51zs1aunlfeyebj 3779059 3779058 2025-07-15T10:04:47Z Actionbronson89 3224916 /* External links */ 3779059 wikitext text/x-wiki == Giorgio Fazio == '''Giorgio Fazio''' (born June 9, 1989, in Catania, Italy) is an Italian Creative Director and musician based in Switzerland since 2014. After years of working behind the scenes shaping visuals and sonic identities for brands, he debuted as an electronic music artist in 2025 with “No One Should Ever Die.” His work blends emotional soundscapes, field recordings, and textured experimentation. === Quotes === * “I chose this as my first release because it’s the most personal, dedicated to someone who’s no longer here. Through its melodies and textures, I aim to evoke memories, weaving nostalgia and melancholy into the sound.” : — Interview with Obscure Sound, March 2025 [https://www.obscuresound.com/2025/03/giorgio-fazio-no-one-should-ever-die/] * “I never had formal training, but I’ve always been obsessed with sound, breaking it apart, manipulating it, and understanding how textures can tell a story.” : — Interview with Illustrate Magazine, March 2025 [https://illustratemagazine.com/exclusive-interview-with-giorgio-fazio/] * “Music introduced me to a world where sound could be as expressive as voice.” : — Interview with Mesmerized, March 2025 [https://www.mesmerized.io/giorgio-fazio-music-introduced-me-to-a-world-where-sound-could-be-as-expressive-as-voice/] * “I want people to feel immersed, like they’re stepping into a different space emotionally and sonically.” : — Interview with Plastic Magazine, March 2025 [https://plasticmag.co.uk/2025/03/interview-giorgio-fazio-shares-debut-single/] === External links === * [https://giorgiofazio.com Official website] * [https://open.spotify.com/artist/5Gkierv7Lyl8t0aEh7upyp?si=mCuF1v3NQACKiOecCxqoQA Spotify profile] * [https://www.instagram.com/giorgiofazio Instagram] * [https://www.obscuresound.com/2025/03/giorgio-fazio-no-one-should-ever-die/ Article on Obscure Sound] * [https://illustratemagazine.com/exclusive-interview-with-giorgio-fazio/ Interview on Illustrate Magazine] * [https://plasticmag.co.uk/2025/03/interview-giorgio-fazio-shares-debut-single/ Interview on Plastic Magazine] * [https://www.mesmerized.io/giorgio-fazio-music-introduced-me-to-a-world-where-sound-could-be-as-expressive-as-voice/ Interview on Mesmerized] cl7fyfes2uwgpz38lnu45eh7kt6wlkb